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>this shit is my jam, green chile on >tall white dude comes up to my spic ass\n>\"Hey, anon. Could you roll my burrito for me? I don't know how.\">\"Hm? Oh, yeah, sure.\"\n>neatly portion out the proper amount of beans into each tort, tuck, and roll some nice burritos for him>\"You have to tuck in the bottom like this so nothing spills out.\">\"Oh, cool. Thanks, dude.\"\n>\"No problem.\"\n<|endoftext|> |
>girl I know is nursing student\n>solid 9/10 >tells me she knows how to test for testicular cancer and can>tell her I learned in health class in high school and can do myself<|endoftext|> |
> be 14 y/o me\n> find 4chan\n> everyone calls each other autistic and gay> \"this is stupid\" > ffw 3 years > realize I'm gay > ffw another year > get diagnosed with autism > mfw > I'm home bois\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me > shoot porn occasionally > fuck some hot chick > she has a husband, but whatever we sex\n> cameraman is a stoner, kinda weird but good at his job> husband hears rumors, tries to catch us in the act> hear he has found out where we are\n> oshit.jpeg > we hide while the cameraman tries to save the situation> \"sorry, but your princess is in > he buys it >mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>played jazz sax >could reliably hoop a free throw >ordered fried chicken on every Airforce One flight\n>almost lost his job over some phat white ass Was Bill Clinton the first black president?<|endoftext|> |
>on date with qt boy\n>we get indian food\n>he orders chicken korma with rice\n>\"i can't eat rice, it reminds me of maggots\">\"yeah, when i have rice in my mouth i just think of that video with the guy with maggot invested gums\">\"i've never seen that\"\n>show him the video\n>he excuses himself and goes to the bathroom\n>ten minutes later i ask a male waiter to check on him>\"there's no one in the bathroom, miss\"\n>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>be me femanon\n>regularly donate blood\n>blood has probably been given to a guy at some>basically touched a guy\u2019s boner <|endoftext|> |
>Scamming lying asshole now I n my country <|endoftext|> |
>be me >live on second floor >want a drone so bad think theyre cool\n>dad buys drone >wants to surprize me >he comes with the drone to my window\n>im jerking off >see drone >start fucking screaming >dad starts screaming >crashes drone >what to do now\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me > 18yo > first blow job > feelsamazing > cums buckets in her mouth z > she swallows EIN ee > your cum tastes really bad anon> haha I know What have I done<|endoftext|> |
>hey guys it's critical >today we are taking yet another clip from my live stream of me watching a youtube video that somebody else made>also, for comedic effect, I will stretch the image on the youtube thumbnail for the billionth time>please laugh\n<|endoftext|> |
>parents wanted to give us similar names>twin was named logan >parents had a wide selection of L names to choose from>and they named me fucking LAROLD\n<|endoftext|> |
>moaned while the nice haircut lady washed my hair<|endoftext|> |
> Be me Oo > Goes downstairs to the condo's> 9/10 girl on one of the treadmills\n> Says hi besides her> She's perfect: 1.60m/ mid to large boobs / brunette> We're both running and share some glances\n> She finishes her exercise\n> Smiles at me before leaving and says \"goodbye\"\n> feelsgoodman.jpg <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n> 24\n> go to the park with my nephew and my niece> let them do their dumb shit while keeping a keen eye on them.> Creepy guy in his 30s presumably comes up to them.> creepy dead eyes\n> hairline is fucked\n> fat cunt\n> they aren't to far off so I can hear their conversation.> \u201chey do you two like animals?\u201d\n> They're kids so of course they say yes.\n> \u201coh nice I work at a zoo and I work with all types of animals.\u201d> I call out to my nephew to come to me.\n> I say \u201cMake sure that fucker doesn\u2019t do anything over the line\u201d> He nods\n> Before he reaches the creepy guy I hear the creepy guy say to my niece> \u201cWhen you're in high school, the boys will be all over you. Maybe I could teach you a thing or two> grabs her waist\n> Nephew gives me a look\n> I immediately run to the fucker and grab him by the neck and slam him down.> \u201cwhat the hell are you doing? I'm going to call the fucking police on you asshole\u201d> punch the cunt once\n> knocks him out\n> people gather around\n> police arrive and arrest him\n> my niece asks me what he meant by the high schoo! thing> \u201che was talking about math and how all the boys will help you with it\u201d> she asks \u201cokay then why did you punch him\u201d\n> \u201cit's my job to help you with math not him\u201d And that's really it. If you guys see any people like<|endoftext|> |
>be me, 20, never had a girlfriend/been with a girl before>decide to have a kickback at my >one of my best friends, who i've known since 7th grade is there>she's just chilling with her head in my lap, which is normal since we're pretty close>solid 7/10, always had feelings for her, just too awkward to make a move, and i figured she was>I pass my controller to one of my friends when all the sudden she pulls me down>kisses me on the cheek, and after the initial shock I kiss her back>we end up making out for a couple of minutes, and spend the rest of the night in each others arms>texts me the next day to tell me that she\u2019s had feelings for me for a long time, but she was too>I tell her the same thing <|endoftext|> |
>start watching Episode 1 >immediately turn off show and leave negative review online<|endoftext|> |
>I-I used to be a millionaire you know! >It w-was in t-this thing called crypto currency! It was the future!<|endoftext|> |
>be a fren in a discord server >a non fren there >the non fren is super toxic and makes me sad>playing league of legends like always in discord group>pretend to laugh at all toxic non >he's feeling good >starts being toxic towards enemy team >i laugh and say over voice >now is the time i strike >'call their adc a nigger\" >he laughs and calls them nigger >report him after the game with a support ticket\n>next day in discord >he is freaking out >his account has been perma banned >he had a beta account and had the retail skins\n>non fren deleted\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me 215 QoQ >My friend group decides we are all>Can't think of anything to say >\"Anon, its your turn\" >Panic >Dumbidea.jpg >I say \"You have a nice ass\" >Everyone starts laughing >mfw she genuinely looks happy to have her ass >Mission succeeded <|endoftext|> |
>Senior year\n>Perfect plan\n>Me and my friend\n>We start fighting in the men showers>Kick, punch and push each other all the way to the womens>Burst inside\n>Keep fighting pretending we didn't even realize>Naked girls come rushing and grab us to stop<|endoftext|> |
>girl I've been paying $600 a month to be my girlfriend says she's caught>gave me back $1800 out of the $3000 I've paid so far>wants to see me more often now >What do I do now? enjoy your gf for free?<|endoftext|> |
>be me, have a pretty hot girlfriend >use snapchat a lot with her, she\u2019s basically the only person i snap>send her a picture of myself with a boarder of black hearts>turns out i accidentally sent it to a friend i >mfw >minor inconvenience\n>gUYs I Am AuTlsTlIc <|endoftext|> |
>specifically designed to kill Jedi>not even one Jedi was killed by it<|endoftext|> |
>be me >playing black flag on ps5 >really like black flag >wife comes in >starts watching tik tok after tik tok >hour goes by >she looks at tv >Im in an epic ship battle >anon you should do something more productive with your time\n>leaves room <|endoftext|> |
>be epstein. >chilling in cell >clintons come in, forcefully cover you in oil\n>they leave >that was weird but okay, at least they didn't kill me.>the sprinkler turns on >shoot upwards and break neck on ceiling\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >\"depressed\" 12 year old\n>decide i want to kill myself\n>family planning to go to the beach>prepare my final plan >get to beach >go inside water >scream \"goodbye forever\" >throw AA battery into the sea >mfw still alive >everybody laughing at me for being retarded\n>mfw I'm probably retarded <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>on airplane fe >3 muslims are sitting in>two of them get up and\n>as one passes me, he says \u201csoon we will all see allah.\u201d>he gets to the front of the plane and starts reciting the koran>he ended up converting 12 people to islam<|endoftext|> |
>Be black ved >Be on phone with bank to try to get>Have best white voice on\n>Going well, looks like it's going to go through>\"Well, what had happened was-\"\n>Fuck\n>Pause on other end\n>\"It looks like it went through, but please be advised that we may not be able to do this for you in the future.\">\"Th-thanks\" That was a close one.<|endoftext|> |
>Be American in 1800's >Don't know jack shit about trees Se >Ask the Aussies to supply some Ssva>vyvy<|endoftext|> |
>be me, just an average white guy >go to visit my grandpa >tell him I have a gf >show him picture of her >he gasps and then smiles, patting me on the back\n>\"you're dating an Asian woman? She's beautiful anon!\u201d>grandpa\u2019s all excited, weirdest I\u2019ve ever seen him\n>\"come here boy, let\u2019s have a talk\u201d >sits me down on the porch and cracks open an Arnold Palmer for me and himself>proceeds to tell me about all of his sexual experiences in Vietnam>admits to fucking a dead Vietnamese woman with his buddy>had an orgy with 7 Vietnamese women at once\n>admitted to fucking \u201cat the very least\u201d 100 Vietnamese women during his time in Vietnam>apparently has never told my father about these things and to quote \u201ckeep it between us\u201d<|endoftext|> |
> be me\n> have bl3 pre loaded on console\n> day before launch, cant sleep > spring out of bed > grab controller > manually roll forward date on console to 9/13 BI3.exe> still won't start <|endoftext|> |
>seeing some girl recently\n>go to her house to fuck her again\n>while we are cuddling ask her what's on her mind>tells me that she likes me\n>tells me how she likes to kiss me,hold me, how she likes me eyes, my laugh, the>we don't fall asleep until 5am\n>leave her house around 7am\n>keeps saying she doesn\u2019t want me to go\n>driving back to my place the feelings hit me\n>tfw you\u2019ve been emotionally deprived for the first 19 years of your life>tfw you thought you would end up alone and a loser but you managed to turn out just fine>tfw you realize you aren\u2019t alone in this world\n>tfw you matter to someone <|endoftext|> |
>be 22\n>start dating blonde. 7/10\n>shes quirky but fun\n>dat ass >second date >go to her place\n>shewantstheD jpeg >go down on her >things are going well >she stops me, wants to roleplay\n>blindfolds me, we're playing doctor >kinky but okay >feel pressure around my ass >pull off blindfold >orazy bitch is shoving 3 - 4 plastic horses into my asshole\n>she says my condition is \"stable\"\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >13 >social outcast with no social skills who everyone makes fun of>at a school party >everyone\u2019s dancing, I just >a stacy from my class comes up >asks me to dance with a smug look on her face\n>autism kicks in >just stand there and stare at her for a solid 5 seconds>then just turn and walk the other way as fast as I can>next day in class >overhear the girl talking with her friends >hear her say that her plan was to embarass me but got embarrassed herself for being rejected by>mfw my autism inadvertently made me look like a chad>take that stacy\n<|endoftext|> |
> >Be me, southern european, went to the US to Colorado>In supermarket >Buy Beans, lots of fresh leafy greens, carrots, tomatoes, onions>Go to cashier >She has her nails polished, curly hair, little fat>\"You eat healthy hun?\" >\"No\" >\"What do you mean, this looks pretty healthy\">'This is just normal people food\" <|endoftext|> |
>be me >riding my motorcycle >get hit by a car >damn it hurts but I walk it off\n>the girl that hit me is hammered\n>call 911 because she has a massive gash on her head>she's off to the ambulance >after the crash we get to know each other\n>she's tall, blonde and cute >we begin to date after 6 months of talking >3 years later >got married and my wife just got pregnant. We have a house on the bottom of a beautiful hill>reminds me of Bliss >kek >1 year later >my 3 month old son is growing so fast. >drive him to the doctor's office for a checkup\n>turn left >a car heading towards me >I swerve out of the way holding my son >I wake up in a hospital >I had gotten into a motorcycle crash 3 weeks ago\n>but wasn't In a car? >been in a coma the whole time >I ask what happened to the driver >she died <|endoftext|> |
>Be me. >Go for a walk because I\u2019m not a shut in virgin.>Walk by trailer park for some human entertainment.>Girl comes running up to me. >Tells me her dog is dying and she needs help.\n>Fucker jumped in the pool and didn\u2019t know how to swim.>Luckily I'm an EMT in training. >Grab big ass golden retriever out of pool. >Pretty sure its dead. >Give the dog CPR. >He's not responding but I keep at it. >Girl calls 911. >Turns out they don\u2019t send ambulances for dogs.\n>Just before I'm about to carry it to her car he starts coughing.>Throws up all over me. >Girl comes running over and hugs dog. >His tail starts wagging. >Girl thanks me. >Gives me a hug. >Tells me she'd kiss me if she didn't have a boyfriend.>Respect her relationship and leave with my head held high.<|endoftext|> |
>new neighbors just moved right > LS, im >they tell me to not use WiFi \u2018Gemeie ) because their son has WiFi<|endoftext|> |
>at a party >sitting alone and petting dog because aspergers.jpg>cute 6/10 with nice tight bod comes i > \u201chehe are you more of a dog person than> \u201chehe a holes a hole to me\u201d <|endoftext|> |
>chinese surveillance system checking peolpe on>scans guy\n<|endoftext|> |
>meet cute girl >we're talking about anime >she asks for recommendations\n>recomend scat hentai as a joke\n>blocked before I can even explain <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>or not be me <|endoftext|> |
>kanye kicks everyone out of the band>\"there's only one direction\n>tfw it's west\n<|endoftext|> |
>be felix kjellberg\n>be talentless, unskilled collage dropout hotdog seller>upload your stupid face to some video streaming website while>worth tens of millions just >collage Who's the uneducated one<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>in college\n>talking to qt3.14 kites > run out of topics>decide to lie to keep >tell her I have a goldfish pond in my backyard>wutdafuqms.jpg\n>\"That's so cool, you think I could come see it sometime?\">howdidthatwork.png\n>exchange numbers, realize what I've done>go home and promptly dig a goldfish pond and fill it with water>get necessary items from pet store (filter, plants, goldfish, etc.)>pond is fucking amazing\n>go to contact girl\n>girl never responds to my calls/texts\n>3 years later I'm still taking care of 14 goldfish in my back yard>one has had babies and two more are pregnant>mfw the goldfish are having more sex than me<|endoftext|> |
>be me, 23yo, shy cunt >spent three years in a toxic >ex dumped me for some swaggot >apparently ended poorly (who would've thought?) >texted me some time back that she missed me >left her on read and moved on, still feeling a >ran into her at local market today >she came up to me (even though I did my best to >tries initiating conversation >something inside me gets ignited >\"I'm sorry, do I know you?\" >she's confused and goes \"are you fucking kidding, >\"Ooh, shit, I didn't recognize you! THAT'S what >I walk off without saying anything else to her >saw her walking out bawling her eyes out >I feel closure and empowerment, anons >I think I'm ready for the dating scene again <|endoftext|> |
>Try to start a Youtube >Post every day >30 days in >Embarrassed about my videos\n>only viewer is mom <|endoftext|> |
>/b/ me >write incredibly long greentext about the >go to post it >put this stupid picture of this fish in a >file was too big\n>lost the story <|endoftext|> |
>9/10 coworker says she needs to take a piss but the toilets are under>forget I'm not on the internet and almost say \"why don't you piss in<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>edgelord troll when im bored\n>usually shitpot on /pol /b and /r9k to have fun>be a couple of days ago >shitmypants.jpg\n>they say they got an anonymous tip concerning something I posted on the internet>know the anonymous tip doesn't exist because I only shitpost on 4chan where nobody knows my>know my edgy posts are fake so I could answer their questions and clear my name>they ask me something about a shed\n>realize this is about an edge posting bender I had some days ago where I mentioned my shed was full>don't even have a shed let alone a single gun so let them snoop around so they realize they're wasting>they apologize for the inconvenience and leave Anons, we're not really anons in here<|endoftext|> |
>Minecraft was released 10 years ago>2011 was 10 years ago\n>the last Naruto episode was 4 years ago>I was young 10 years ago\n>I had friends 10 years ago\n>parents were healthy 10 years ago\n>gramps were alive 10 years ago\n>The world was so beautiful and brimming with life 10 years ago<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>move to Britain\n>get job op q >get paid in GBP = >goodboypoints??>goodboypoints.\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >be in 5th grade >class is planning field trip, need money\n>everyone needs to bring 20 dollars >go home, ask mom for 30 dollars so I can have 10 dollars extra for myself>mom doesn't believe me, goes to friend's house who lives on the same street>ohshit.gif >comes back angry, saying I need to pay more attention in class meetings>tfw I found out my friend told his parents that he needed 50 dollars<|endoftext|> |
>get a call from random number\n>\"Greetings, am I speaking to mister anon?\">\"Yes\" \u00bb >'We would like to inform you>wait until they finish >\"I'm sorry I couldn't quite hear you\" >they are forced to repeat it >do this for about 4 times >finally say \"Sorry, I am not interested.\" >hang up <|endoftext|> |
>'Nice play Mr. Bond, however you did not announce you were almost finished, so now you are two cards<|endoftext|> |
>male\n>5 ft 4\n>indian\n>near sighted\n>negative canthal tilt\n>recessed chin\n>balding\n>janitor career\n>hooked nose\n>skinny fat with bad gynecomastia\n>cant grow a beard. Only patches\n>poor\n>no friends/no siblings\n>crooked teeth\n>forward head posture\n>small penis\n>pencil neck\n>high functioning autism <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>in private school\n>super small only has about 50 students>all normies who have never lifted life>wait in back of gym\n> other team takes out all of my team except me It'stime.jpg> plug headphones in\n>start blasting doom soundtrack Rip&tear.jpg>take first ball\n>rip it into first nerd\u2019s face\n>break his jaw and knock out teeth\n>kid starts pouring blood and crying\n>other kids are screaming\n>start ripping balls randomly , shattering teeth and cracking ribs>after the last kid gets knocked out I get restrained by teachers>throw a hook into teacher\u2019s face\n>hear bone crack\n>get kicked out of school\n> not allowed to teach ever again\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>friend torrents black panther, we're about to watch it>me: \"so is this actually good or just overhyped\">me: \"i bet there's basketball, rap, and slavery references within the first 2 minutes\">him: \"pfbpfptf i don't think they'd go that far man\"\n>me: \u201cno seriously i bet there is.\u201d\n>him: *awkward silence and a weird look*\n>we start the movie\n>1 minute of scifi backstory, includes a reference to slavery>followed by basketball and rap\n>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>{et outyourteat >ilfe fs flashing thraugh your eyes >nut all over everyone >yourlast words are \u201cshit? <|endoftext|> |
>never ask anyone out\n>never get rejected\n>basically irresistible haha who's the chad now<|endoftext|> |
>Took me to the gym >Encouraged me to go out and get exercise even if it's just walking the dog>can't lift shit at first but progress becomes noticeable>enjoy the walks through nature with my pup\n>dad encourages me to do martial arts >join MMA gym doing mostly Muay Thai >pretty much addicted to it >love the pain >changes his eating habits to help me get used to new healthy diet>losing fat fast >gaining mass fast >confidence through the roof >every milestone he gets excited with me >no longer depressed >he tells me he's proud of me <|endoftext|> |
>download [game] >go [out] (FAME >[commit crime]>go home >play [game] >post it to reddit\n<|endoftext|> |
>look >HEY look guys look >those idiots are walking out >pffft morons obviously haven't seen a marvel movie before>omg guys this is it >holy shit >wow is that Thor with his cock in Dr. Strange's mouth>I can't wait to tell everyone on r/marvel >you guys do realize how much better we are than everyone else for waiting on the post credit scene>pull all your dicks out guys let's jerk off to it while we can<|endoftext|> |
>\"Rey.....Rey Skywalker\u201d Absolute garbage. I left the theater after I heard it<|endoftext|> |
> Mom's friend's daughter comes to stay with us while see is> 19 yo qt with long black hair > One day we are alone at home\n> We are watching videos, Robocop\n> She stops the movie and says she has something to show me> Puts in another video, smiles and press play\n> Porno. Never seen a porno before, don't know why she is showing me this> Tell her to put Robocop on again\n> Watch Robocop in silence\n> Awesome movie <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>23 year old male\n>poo fetish\n>usally order the goods from websites specialised for this>moved to detroit recently\n>couldnt take the poo with me\n>ordered new poo online\n>package didnt arrive\n>ask ups they say it has been delivered\n>wtf?\n>check security cammera\n>some porch pirate stole the fucking package\n>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>Be me 21\n>At food store to get food >Go up to cash register >7/10 q{3.14 working >buy food >iry to say \u201cThank you\" >MFW autism strikes >She responds \u201cYou Too >We realise we are both autistic\n>she Is now my gf of 2 years <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>4th grade\n>bring 3 sharpners to school\n>friend tells me thats a lot of sharpners\n>bring 3 more sharpners the next day\n>friend gives me his sharpner to grow my\n>start collecting more and more sharpners>go to stationary every week to by more sharpners\n>collect about 70 sharpners by the end of the month\n>start bringing a tiny bag to carry thoes sharpner\n>english teacher asks for a sharpner\n>offer her the bag thinking she'd be impressed\n>sees all my sharpners and writes a note to my parents\n>only allowed to bring 1 sharpner\n>idea.jpg\n>make a huge sharpner out of cardboard\n>dad helps me to color it with red and silver spray paint\n>display it on my table during the english period\n>get sent to the office <|endoftext|> |
>be me 10 years old, it's 2001 in >playing in the street with my good >the road is a hill & my house is near the top\n>woman comes speeding down road so we all scatter & call her a bitch>she lives half way down the hill & parks at the side of the road>gets out & calls us little shits etc. & goes inside\n>one day I notice some keys outside her house & because I'm a good boy I knock her door to give>she doesn't even open the door, just tells us to fuck off her property>get an idea\n>wait until night time, unlock her car & let off her handbrake>car begins to roll down hill & we all run away\n>car picks up speed & goes straight into a house at bottom of the road>all shit our pants but go home & deny all knowledge>police come & arrest woman as she's really drunk & accuse her of leaving handbrake off>never got in trouble for it\n>be nice to kids\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me Oo >kissless virgin>have crush on qt3.14\n>she\u2019s really quiet and a little awkward like me>ask her out like the autist that I am\n>she says yes\n>happiness.mp4\n>great time at prom\n>drop her off at her house\n>lean in for kiss\n>success\n>fast forward a few days\n>kiss her again and this time she hugs me back\n>very tender hug\n>realize she really likes me Feels good man<|endoftext|> |
>be me >cub scouts camping trip >its getting dark >scout master tells us to get wood n >see the perfect stick >grab it >its a rattlesnake tail >too retarded to run away >bring it over my head and swing it in circles >the snake can't come back and bite me >shout for help >everyone comes >sees me using a snake like a lasso >kids laughing, adults shitting pants >tell me to hit the snake against a tree as hard as I can>hope it breaks its neck >whip its head at mach speed into the biggest tree I could find>head explodes >adults don't know whether to congratulate or punish me>other kids think I'm hardcore >mfw my nickname was snake charmer from then on\n<|endoftext|> |
>Playing MMO >Walk up to rando\n>Start jumping >They jump too <|endoftext|> |
>Be me\n>recently got back in touch with cute goth girl I used to know in HS>both liked each other but never got together>we are hanging out in her bedroom\n>she's flirting a lot and we start making out on her bed>bout to have the sex\n>I'm completely naked and she\u2019s in her underwear>hear her front door open\n>freaks out and makes me hide in the closet>her mom walks in\n>she talks with her mom for a bit while I hide in the closet>her mom asks who owns the clothes but she says she bought them>\"I'll put them in the wash, you should never wear things you've just bought>her mom takes my clothes and washes them>still hiding in closet\n>mom asks her to help her pick up her little brother from football>they both leave and lock the door <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>20y/o\n>family was talking about cars\n>\"yeah i still don\u2019t get why the exhaust continues to release smoke when>family stares in shock smoke for the engine to work\u201d>mfw i thought cars were boosted by the smoke released from the exhaust<|endoftext|> |
>Be me, Japan >Enslave women to become sex slaves\n>Massacre 14m innocent POWs >Attack Pearl Harbor despite US being neutral\n>Commit many more war crimes >Get nuked >Everyone forgets about my war crimes\n>Don't get punished >Sympathy from everyone\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>recently broke up with gf\n>feel sad af\n>try online dating\n>meet this girl online >ask her on a date >date a few times, kisses n stuff\n>one day after going out for dinner she asks me to come at her place for coffee>gonnahavesex.jpg\n>she tells me she's into bondage\n>accept, not really my thing but I guess I can try\n>tells me to close my eyes\n>i do\n>feel her tying my hands\n>places a blindfold on my head\n>bed begins to shake and creak\n>wtf.jpg\n>feel a cold breeze hit my face\n>i can smell a strong scent of pinewoods\n>remove the blindfold from my eyes\n>mfw i'm about to be sentenced to death with other prisoners>mfw i turn around and see todd howard running away while removing his fake wig>mfw i'm now in skyrim <|endoftext|> |
>Goes to prostitute >\"Alright honey what do ya want? >I-I was wondering if you would come see a m- >\"A movie? Like some kinky sex tape or >N-no I wanted to know if you can come see Joker >\"So you want me to suck ya cock in the theater?\" >N-no..just sit there and watch the movie with me <|endoftext|> |
> be me > hanging at mcdonalds > see two gorls sitting near by > 8/10 and 6/10 respectively > 8/10 gets up to go to the bathroom > showtime jpg > get up from my seat and lock eyes with 6/10\n> approach her head on and sit down in her friend's seat\n> start rapidly shovelling 8/10's fries into my mouth > 6/10 is too shocked to do anything > when all the fries are gone I go back to my seat and resume eating my meal > 8/10 comes back and sees her fries are gone, starts yelling at her friend > you bitch why did you eat all my fries > it wasn't me it was that guy! She points at me > her friend just straight up doesn't believe her > accuses her of lying and walks out of the restaurant > 6/10 still sitting there, staring at me dumbfounded > casually finish eating my meal and leave > know she'll remember me for rest of her life > mfw girls think I'm unforgettable\n<|endoftext|> |
>eating sandwich at the beach >skipping stones >watching the sunset and thinking about life\n>throw sandwich into ocean >bite rock <|endoftext|> |
>loves roblox and minecraft\n>yesterday he was running around the house singing something>watcha doin son? >im sanic, i gotta go fast dad <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>having 18th birthday at home >pretty chill ime with friends >brother asks if me I want to see his Minecraft world >tell him to go away >see he's hurt >feel guilty and say I'll check it out later >never check it >a few months later, brother gets leukemia >pray he gets better >he doesn't >brother dies >feals like shit >tum 21 >packing stuff up for college >notice brothers old laptop >for some reason, remembers broken promise >charge up computer >boot up Minecraft >see world named \"HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANONIII\u201d >load up world >beginning to tear up at this point >world loads >look around and see cake everywhere >giant pixel cake in front of me >balloons across the sky >tum around and see \"HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY\u201d built with blocks\n>under b-day message is a sign >sign says \"happy birthday anon. You're the best brother ever. :DDD\"\n>fucking cry for hours\n<|endoftext|> |
>have pubic lice (crabs)\n>no shampoo works\n>decide to get some fire ants and place on pubes to fight the crabs>they scrap for a bit strongholds on the opposite ends>to the north lie the wiley crabs of pubendorf\n>to the south lie the barbaric fire ants of fort scrotum>one morning notice a fire ant on horseback riding towards the crabs stronghold>look closer\n>its a fucking threaty of alliance <|endoftext|> |
>beme > Canadian wy > go to school> dont get shot\n<|endoftext|> |
>opens a can of Bud Light >gently massages protruding beer belly just aint>begins daily ritual of zoning out to TV >puts a triple bacon cheeseburger in the >cheers as his favorite negro catches the football we had some>asks permission to go to the local sports bar, wife says no>hires Jose the illegal immigrant to mow his lawn work ethic n'>blames Jose for all his problems >dies of a heart attack at age 58\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me >have a kid at 18yrs old >at first gfs pregnancy is meh\n>she bitch alot >deal wit it until kid is born\n>kid borns, it's the most horrifying event to watch>kid is all good, be happy :) >now I'm 22, kid is about to turn 5 at this xmas>me goes to doctors cause bad prolonged headaches...>get diagnosed with brain cancer>mfw >try to tell 4yr old why dad is not going to be around>he does not understand >I make sure that he will be ok\n>I love that little mf, he is my life, the only good thing I ever>I only have about 6 to 10month if lucky>Good Bye greentexts and anons :\u2019)<|endoftext|> |
>live in a bad part of town\n>work at a grocery store\n>always give hobos the food the >on cold days, I make a big jug of coffee and hand it out to them>no one ever asks me for cash because they know I'm broke>am known as the \"sandwich man\" because I usually make sandwiches for them>last year, got mugged walking back home >5 seconds after being confronted I hear \"AYO GET AWAY FROM THE SANDWICH MAW!\">4 or 5 homeless guys run to me from half a block away yelling at the mugger to get away from me>he ran off after they came and they chased after him>follow and there was like 10 of them gathered around and he was pinned to the ground>one called the police and they arrested the guy\n>was told \"if anyone fucks with you sandwich man, we got your back\">mfw I basically have a street gang by giving away day old sandwich meat and bread I am told<|endoftext|> |
>your ex-gf accuses you of breaking into her home, assaulting>police immediately arrest you and . charge you with burglary and>your parents get $150,000 in debt trying to hire a lawyer and post your bail>people are convinced you did it and you have no alibi to say otherwise>your mom suddenly finds a selfie pic you sent her that was dated at the time of the assault>turns out that pic clears you of all charges since it placed you away from the scene of the crime>your ex-gf gets off scott-free with no charges for lying while you had your life ruined<|endoftext|> |
>Be Redditfag >Read r/greentext >Have lots of laughs >\"I wonder what the real 4chan website is like?\" , >Go to /b/>It's all porn. <|endoftext|> |
>make thread >no one replies >pull out my phone and reply to my thread<|endoftext|> |
>Beme\n> Be cab driver in major tourist city\n> Havent had sex in so long i'm basically Virgin again> Pick up 3 spanish qt3.14s at the airport, ask to go to city hotel> During the ride we talk about the fun > Arrived at their hotel\n> They say \u2018that was fun, why don't you hang out with us tonight?\u2019> Turbo-autism kicks in\n> Answer \u2018oh no I can't, my girlfriend wouldn't be happy about that\u2019>\n>\n>\n>I don't have a girlfriend\n> why am i like this <|endoftext|> |
>be me >from the day one i loved videogames and wanted to work>worked very hard to get to good school>no life because of it but thought \"fuck it it will be worth it\">graduated uni, one of the best students\n>looking for job >this one big company asks me to make video game>yaaaaas.phd >it's fucking blizzard >it's fucking diablo mobile <|endoftext|> |
>be me >be with this girl >she kinda accepts me >even tho I'm a /b/eta >she let's me stay at her place\n>very comfy, smells good >I can play vidya too >she offers that she could make some food for me>hell fucking yes! >she even asks what would I eat\n>tendietime.wav >her tendies are the best >she cares for me I can feel it >I love my mum <|endoftext|> |
>neighbors keep using my parking } pad without permission>tell them not to\n>they do it anyway and just ignore me like nothing is going to happen>it's been 3 weeks >they still haven't got their car back\n>apparently they just can't afford it because of how tight money is>his wife lost her job because she couldn't make it to work for 3 weeks>they are moving out, presumably because they cannot afford the bills and the moratorium is almost<|endoftext|> |
>be me in college >public speaking class >have idea >tell prof on 1st day I stutter sometimes >it\u2019s ok anon we'll get through it >really lay it on >3 minutes per paragraph in front of 40 peers >next week do a little better >can still see pain in the faces of kids when I stammer for 10 seconds on a word\n>prof encourages me every time >she even kicked a kid out of class for saying \u201ccome on\u201d under his breath\n>improving every class >almost no stuttering now >final speech give a perfect oration for me, didn\u2019t have to fake stutter at all\n>getanA <|endoftext|> |
>The rape dwarf is still in my walls\n>I hear bumps in the night >Fire off some .357 rounds into the wall>Complete silence until I hear it >\"Hoho!\" >Get angry >Fire off more rounds >Hear a screech then a wimper >Hear it run off, dragging it's penis as it goes\n>Blood drips out from beneath the molding >I got him for now, but he'll be back View Thread I<|endoftext|> |
>she really likes me\n>we start edating\n>find out we live close EB >she asks how tall I am I say 5'8>she is 5'6 <|endoftext|> |
>*cough *cough >\"0-okay, please give me the vaccine now. W-what do you mean it doesn't work that way? Please, I> BEEEEEER\n<|endoftext|> |
>take driving test >do everything perfect >yellow light >speed up to pass it like a normal human being>this means I fail the driving test <|endoftext|> |
>bf dumps me >starts dating some skinny bitch>hatch plan >make friends with him\n>hang out a lot >ask to borrow his laptop\n>download CP >bring the laptop to the police\n>\"anon, you say you found these images on his laptop>get charged with CP\n<|endoftext|> |