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>Catch my now ex-wife cheating on me. >Pretend nothing is wrong but turn into a manipulative sociopath.>Break gas gauge in her car. Siphon gas out randomly so she\u2019s always running out.>Get a nanny cam that\u2019s hidden in a lamp. Get video of her fucking around.>Find out everything I can about the guy she\u2019s fucking.\n>lol dance instructor. >Find out he's looking for work, get ahold >Rework it so it\u2019s not retarded, impersonate him, >He bites. Takes the job and after some mushy bullshit ghosts my wife.>Meanwhile I start siphoning money out of our accounts slowly and keep the cash hidden away in my>It\u2019s time. >Wait for her to be dead asleep, unlock her phone >She gets fired. Calls me bawling her eyes out. >When she gets home my wedding ring is on the table with her laptop playing the video of them fucking. Next<|endoftext|> |
>Depressed teen >Tell parents >They somehow think fuckin 13 reasons why is the source of my>Fuckin lul >They just shout at me, disregarding my opinions, as per>wat do <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>play rust\n>meet a deaf guy 4 >tells me he gets bullied in school>we share loot and play together\n>one day he kills me calls me faggot and tells me he isnt deaf and im a pussy for getting bullied>mfw my only friend lied to me and stole everything <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>apply for light bulb assembly line job\n>no college\n>just two fast food jobs on resume\n>get to interview\n>job is actually to run the whole lightbulb >only the HR person at interview, other >HR person is showing me around\n>obviously has no idea how anything works\n>I just starting making up names for machines and processes>a couple employees say what they're doing so I vaguely know whats happening>interview ends, told I'm a top candidate\n>when lightbulbs start burning down houses, you'll know I got the job<|endoftext|> |
>be me >work at McDonalds\n>overworked\n>underpaid >not sure what's happening but the manager says we have a new sauce.>No big deal, we do specials all the time\n>manager looks worried\n>imchillman.jpeg\n>look up at menu, see some cartoon on there, must be something for the kids>It's 6:58am, we open at 7:00am >there is a queue outside >MFW it's not children >A horde of sweaty mid 20 year olds stand outside waiting to get in, laughing manically.>all wearing clothing of the cartoon. >ohfuck.exe >the doors burst open and I'm greeted by the first customer.>he weighs over 300lbs and is wearing a fedora, with a neck beard only fit for a kissless virgin.>\"hyngeh I'll have schum cheeken mcnuggz an heh- heh- scheziuan zauuce!!\">the ogre looks back to the crowd\n>\"WUBALUBADUB-DUB!\" >The entire crowd of chubby shrek rejects respond\n>\"WUBALUBADUB-DUB!\"\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>retard\n>never done drugs once in my life>friends and family all think\n>boss also thinks I show up high to work>nobody believes me when I tell them I'm just fucking stupid>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>mexican joins the server\n>turns on his mic\n>hear his mother yelling\n>baby crying\n>vacuum cleaner\n>\"CAAAAASSSSOOOO CEEEERRRRRAAAAADOOOOOOO\">police sirens\n>dog barking\n<|endoftext|> |
>Past four years been \"saving\" all my vacation days>Plan was to eventually have enough vacation days that I could<|endoftext|> |
>be 1 month neet after my job of a year>my only skill is videogames\n>think cooking is for girls\n>discover gordon ramsay >he's angry, but wise and understandable>start watching hall his videos >just made a pumpkin soup after his recipe and my whole family likes it and says good job>get happy that I finally did something on my own and that my family isn't angry or disappointing<|endoftext|> |
>go for a walk >walk into a store >get a carton of milk >go outside and open milk >walk around while drinking it >enjoying life >few people start laughing >keep drinking milk <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>finishing last year of med school\n>hardest thing I\u2019ve ever done in my life>super intense studies never really 445kBJpG Nad time for social life or grills>last day of class >all the disciplines gathers for final summit >meet random Indian girl >pretty hot for a street shitter >smalitalk.mp3 >she invites me to end of the year party at friends >fuck it why not >arrive at party >full of chad and becky medfags so party is boring >think about leaving >finally spot the poopy qt >she\u2019s actually really interesting >end up talking about vidyas and music all night >eventually tells me her parents still live in some >parents gave everything to get her to school >sadviolin.wav >fast forward a month >finally graduated >grill and I have getting more serious >we are both looking for a residency at any hospital >entire process is exhausting >India qt tells me she is going home to visit her >asks me to go with her >never been abroad and need a break from job >decide to go with >Airindia.gif >inside of the plane smells like a curry dumpster\n>finally make it to New Delhi >parents live an hour car ride outside of the city\n>landscape getting increasingly shitty >see people literally shitting in the streets >wild dogs everywhere >get to parents house >mudhut with no windows >qt keeps apologizing for the slum horror\n>introduce myself to the parents >typical India npc\u2019s but super nice >mom starts cooking dinner >dad constantly swearing and chasing off dogs that try to come in the house while mom cooks>tells me the dogs are huge problem >tells me locals round up and kill the female dogs to stop them from breeding>grossed tf out but shrug it off >mom announces dinner is ready >never had authentic Indian food so I\u2019m fucking stoked>mfw the mom brings out an actual lasagna\n>mom sees I\u2019m stunned and confused >\u201doh, anon, my daughter told me you're Italian\u201d\n>i'm sicilian but ok >don\u2019t want to be rude >to my shock the lasagna is actually incredible\n>mom explains how difficult it was to find the ingredients>I ask what kind of meat she used >\u2019oh it\u2019s from last nights dog slaughter\u201d\n>excusemewhatthefuck.jpeg >mfw I\u2019m eating street dog >mfw I\u2019m eating dog lasagna >mfw I realize I\u2019m literally eating bitch lasagna\n>bitch lasagna >T-series ain't nothin but a bitch lasagna\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >meet qt3.14 in uni >ask her out on date >she says yes >fast forward 7 years were still together>I propose to her on our anniversary and she says yes>about 5 months pass and it\u2019s our wedding day>do out vowels and everything\n>\"You may now kiss the bride\u201d\n>leans in to kiss her >she suddenly turns into dust\n>wtf.jpg >most of the people in the church turn to dust as well<|endoftext|> |
>walks out of bathroom after shower body.>tell her to fasten her towel before it falls off\n>she nods and fastens it before walking away\n>i go shower and forget about it\n>because im not some sick degenerate like you fucks. <|endoftext|> |
>feel bad for a lonely guy in my class>invite him to a cosplay event\n>he shows up dressed as Fred Flintstone in blackface>he keeps screaming \"I yabba dabba dindu nuffin!\"<|endoftext|> |
>Asked mom that I wanted to fuck a girl\n>She said, you can fuck me, but only in the ass.>Start fucking mom. >Decide to rub her clit >Find a dick >Turns out it was a prank by my dad. <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>sea turtle\n>chilling in the reef with my wife\n>have to move from reef to reef for munchies>chilling in the seagrass, munchin >spot massive fucking jellyfish\n>holyshit.jpg\n>swim towards it as fast as i can\n>finally reach the jellyfish\n>take a bite\n>wtf\n>its plastic\n>die from intestinal bloackage <|endoftext|> |
>be me in the 4th grade\n>summer, cleaning the school yard\n>there's big nut-tree in the yard\n>classmates throw nuts in each other and have fun>one girl throws dirty nut in me and my white t-shirt is ruined>autism kicks in >imagine myself as Snake from mgs on the mission>sneak past the teacher who was looking after us\n>get a shovel without permission >dig out a big chunk of mud >yell out girl's name >she turns towards me >throw it at her >hit her face >she starts screaming and crying >everyone is looking at me >autism kicks in 2.0 >remember what dad often says when he argues with mother>say \"this is what you get for fucking with me, stupid hag\"<|endoftext|> |
>shitty film reference\n>gay dad joke <|endoftext|> |
>roommate asks me to drive him to I his dealer } >sure, I have nothing going on I >get in, start the car, put on>ask him to put it on\n>\"Why? Aren't you a good driver?\"\n>tell him it's my car and I want him to have his seatbelt on>\"lol fuck you man just drive\"\n>okay\n>get on the road, accelerate to 40mph\n>slam on the brakes\n>roommate flies out of his seat, his face hits the windshield>oh shit, sorry bro. Maybe you should put your fucking seatbelt on>he does\n>I turn the car around and drive us back home <|endoftext|> |
>Beme\n> Years ago. Still in womb.\n> Hear dad whispering nice poems.> Gonnabeagoodlife.mp3\n> Hear dad leave for work.\n> Black hose starts knocking against my head.> Hear dad come back and cry.\n> Hear mom beg for forgiveness.\n> Says he's staying for me.\n> mfw I realize this wonderful man is going to get stuck with this thot because of me.> Cant let that happen.\n> Decide to poison her toth bloodstream\n> Gonnatakeyoudownwithme.divx\n> Hear dad in hospital say goodbye to me and mom.> Hear moms heart beat stop before mine does. Goodbye dad. You deserve a better life.<|endoftext|> |
>gid friendzoned me >I stopped being her friend >no longer in the friendzone because we're not friends<|endoftext|> |
>fuck hooker >having sex doesn't immediately solve all my problems>he fell for it Got another one, boys<|endoftext|> |
> be middle school loner with no friends> close to summer holidays\n> all students were told to read the book> because school is inviting the obscure author of the book> he was the guest speaker during assembly\n> principal asks the school about what we thought of his book and questions about it> quiet, awkward silence\n> people were muttering nobody read it\n> felt bad for the author\n> told the author I enjoyed it and answered the questions> one question after another, only I answered\n> author was happy that I knew about the details\n> school staff felt less embarassed\n> after assembly classmates started to make fun of me> called kiss ass and book worm etc.\n> got the nickname ass-worm for the rest of the middle school<|endoftext|> |
>be me, 26 ma few years ago >little sister calls me to ask if I can buy Girl Scout cookies>buy two boxes of thin mints\n>idea.png >tell little sister I'll make her tons of money>tell her to let me handle everything\n>turn on my computer >I'm a fucking genius >start selling \u201cmystery boxes\u201d through the dark web>there\u2019s an estimate shipment date of 2-3 weeks for the cookies to arrive>I sell a mystery box for $200 a pop\n>End up selling about 60-70 mystery boxes in three days>tell my sister >she is super happy >feelsgoodman >sister sold the most and got some award>mfw I operated an underground cookie ring>mfw I got contacted by the local police for shipping all those boxes of<|endoftext|> |
>boss called a big meeting\n>starts yelling at everyone\n>don't care so let my mind wander\n>suddenly remembered ane something funny>can't control my laugh and start choking up>bury my face in my hands because I don't want everyone to know I'm laughing>suddenly everything goes quite and coworkers start yelling at the boss for \"making me cry\">boss ended up getting written up for berating me>suddenly coworkers are way more social with me<|endoftext|> |
>be king >my people invent something and present it to me>it's a \"camera\" >it takes \"pictures\" out of a tube>a tube >takes square pictures >wtf >hang country for witchcraft\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me, cat >sleeping from long day of being a cat\n>feel something cold on my head ae >wake up = i = >owner standing there laughing like a>look up >can of coke on my had >tfw i like pepsi more >mfw no pepsi <|endoftext|> |
>went to the store without a mask >cashier says i need one >\"I have a medical condition\" >cashier says 'I don't believe you, what is it?\n>'i have covid-19, so it's hard to breathe\u2019\n>cashier says \u2018oh ok then' >mfw <|endoftext|> |
>walks out of bathroom after shower body.>tell her to fasten her towel before it falls off\n>she nods and fastens it before walking away\n>i go shower and forget about it\n>because im not some sick degenerate like you fucks. <|endoftext|> |
>girl I know is nursing student\n>solid 9/10 >tells me she knows how to test for testicular cancer and can>tell her I learned in health class in high school and can do myself<|endoftext|> |
>wake up\n>feelin kinda depressed\n>google highest point in my county i >mt. whatever>drive 45mins to some trailhead >it's pretty cool. pretty windy tho\n>get back to my car as it's getting dark\n>chug hot Monster Zero Ultra that's been sitting in my center console all day>m,mmm sippy sipp\n>drive home feeling somewhat less depressed <|endoftext|> |
>Read 314 pages of terms and conditions>Clicked \u2018disagree\u2019 <|endoftext|> |
>uncle was dying of cancer >on hospital bed >doctors said he had 1 day left to live >sad, go to my room and lock the door >radomly decide to do a blood sacrifice >drew a pentagram on a piece of paper and then cut my palm with a knife and soaked the paper>prayed that my uncle gets better in exchange for my life\n>next day uncle makes a miraculous recovery <|endoftext|> |
>have somewhat stable social circle in uni>get along with this one grill\n>she gives me a book for >for some reason never open it >weeks go by, she keeps asking about the book\n>quickly look up plot summary on wiki so that I can pretend I'm reading it>she's visibly annoyed and angry, says \"you probably never even opened it\u201d>insist that I read it, our relationship slowly deteriorates>we get our degrees and don't stay in touch >fast forward six years >find book while cleaning my apartment >decide to read it >find a little romantic note inside about how much I mean to her etc>mfw book is pretty boring\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>have a pretty shitty, boring day\n>feels sucky\n>go home\n>look at rock and mineral collection<|endoftext|> |
>be 14\n>have a best friend\n>plays vidya, talk girls, a genuinely good friend.>about a month ago his mom passed away>a week before his birthday his dad reached out to me>confusion.jpeg\n>\"hey anon, it's friendanon\u2019s dad, I know you too are pretty close and next week is his birthday, figured we>I agree\n>\"that's great, as you know ever since friendanon's mom passed away he's been pretty bummed out so I>wtfwhybutok.png\n>agree to help him out because friendanon is my best friend.>mfw his dad asked me to bring a can of tomato sauce\n>whatthefuck.exe\n>fast forward to his birthday party\n>we just hanging out, some friends and family there just talking and congratulating friendanon, pretty cool>friendanon's dad clears his throat\n>\"ehm so as you all know it's friendanon's birthday today, so for some time I've been thinking what would>friendanon's dad takes out a plate with pasta and red sauce, puts it on the table and puts on a gentle smile.>friendanon tastes it and begins to cry\n>turns out it was his mother's special recipe.\n>anon gets so excited and emotional he throws up\n>he's all shaking\n>his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy\n>there's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti <|endoftext|> |
>be me, family over for Christmas Eve>grandpa comes over too, he's sort of a nerd and loves older comic>start watching Attack on Titan and hear a knock at the door>\"hey anon, whatcha up to?\", it's my grandpa\n>decide he's nerd enough that he would get anime\n>start showing him attack on titan and explaining lore and showing off figures i have>he looks super interested and smiles a lot and eventually leaves>mfw later overhear him asking my mom if i have any learning disabilities<|endoftext|> |
>be me, 8 at the time\n>playing in front lawn\n>dude comes up with a van\n>dressed in trenchcoat and wearing dark glasses>not knowing better say, \"sure!\"\n>he takes my hand and leads me to his van\n>driving around for a little bit\n>stops\n>gets out\n>back of van opens, a dog leaps inside\n>oh boy!\u2019\n>\"okay, thanks for the help, want to go home now?\"\n>\"yeah!\"\n>takes me home\n>telling parents about my adventure\n>dad rapes me <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>be faggot <|endoftext|> |
>Be me >Best friend decides to become a >Is the only person there for her >tfwyou'renotequippedforthisshit.jpg >She tries to kill herself and ends up in the psych >Is her emergency contact and pretty much her >Begs the nurse at the hospital to keep her in >They don't listen and let her out so you spend >The emotional toll from her behaviour pretty >Fast forward a few weeks and she has an >Acknowledges that you're a wreck rn >\"Sorry if I distance myself from you anon, you're <|endoftext|> |
>Show up in film industry when nobody was asking for you>Become highest grossing film of all time\n>Promise a million sequels and deliver zero\n>Leave >Show up a decade later just to cuck Marvel out of getting highest grossing movie>Leave again >Nobody remembers a single line of dialogue\n<|endoftext|> |
>yesterday decide to fuck my first >while she's riding me she ask if i >tell her i went from 145kg to 80kg >she look amazed and tell me that i'll look so good when i'll hit the gym cause i have a beautiful face>proceed to ride me harder\n<|endoftext|> |
>at the zoo\n>decide to take guided tour since one is about to start>lady asks if there's any qustions before the tour begins>everyone stares at him\n>lady says all of the primates are in the jungle exhibit on the other side of the zoo>guy takes off into a full sprint towards the monkeys>about an hour later\n>tour catches up to guy in front of the chimpanzees\n>he's bobbing his head in sync with all the chimps <|endoftext|> |
> On the train to London > Really need to fart > Starting to hurt a bit > Starting to hurt a lot > Train shakes a little, want get up to go to the bathroom before I fucking burst> Don't get the chance, my sphincter can no longer take the strain\n> Manage to discreetly edge my buttcheeks apart, comes out slowly but silently> Pass gas for a Solid 60 seconds >Ohno > Oh god the fucking smell > People are looking at each other > It's really fucking bad. > enemyspotted.jpeg > A foreign smell impacts my nostrils > The dude opposite me is staring me right in the eyes > He fucking knows, and ripped one of his own > It's fucking on > Spread the cheeks a little wider, much as I dare > Push > Clearly and loudly shit myself staring into the eyes of a complete stranger.<|endoftext|> |
>be young >have a brother 1 year older\n>mother gets daily visitors\n>each time she gets a visitor she locks us in a room>looks away and says :\"lookout for your retarded brother>each one of us thinks the other is retarded>mother dies <|endoftext|> |
>I wanted to turn my life around after peaking my weight at 180kg>went to the local gym paid for the special weight lose program>around 520$ per month for 3- >got told to go to the aerobics class >went there and a trainer came in and started telling us what to do as warm ups>walking, stretching and such >being a fat fuck I couldn\u2019t even last 3min before sitting a side fighting for air>they start knee raising >gymbro was watching from the side >he came to me and asked when did I join >told him that i just did >told me to pick my things up and follow him\n>told me that i wouldn\u2019t last and would drop out soon or injure myself trying>told me that I should start by just walking outside, no need for a gym now be any activity would give>went down to the manger\u2019s office and took my card>he went in for a while and came back with cash\n>signed some papers >went outside the gym and gave me his phone number>told me to lose as much weight i can by walking and doing basic workouts>and whenever i feel that i can join back he'll give me a discount>deal <|endoftext|> |
>be me >half-chad/half-autist hybrid >16, just got my license >have this qt3.14 in class >wanted to fuck her since I >idmotorboatthatass.gif >idsucktheairoutofherballoonknot.raw >\"anon, will you take me to get ice cream?\" >you betcha >take her out >drop her home after >she comments on my facebook that night: >\"thanks for the icecream anon, maybe next time I'll take you for a ride\">\"I didn't know you had your license\" >\"anon ur so funny. but if we keep getting ice cream we'll have to do some sort of physical work>\"nahh, I don't really put on weight\" >no more icecream after that >mfw I get the 10yr facebook memory of the comment exchange>mfw i realize I'm more than a half-autist hybrid\n<|endoftext|> |
>get job >virus hits >lose job >get job fighting virus\n>virus Cured <|endoftext|> |
>be burn victim\n>Disney sells me as a toaster <|endoftext|> |
>at the zoo\n>decide to take guided tour since one is about to start>lady asks if there's any qustions before the tour begins>everyone stares at him\n>lady says all of the primates are in the jungle exhibit on the other side of the zoo>guy takes off into a full sprint towards the monkeys>about an hour later\n>tour catches up to guy in front of the chimpanzees\n>he's bobbing his head in sync with all the chimps <|endoftext|> |
>be me >have one shot at life\n>born gay in iran mfw<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>fap to porn daily\n>damn I wish girls were real <|endoftext|> |
>Be 6 at the time\n>Spent most of my childhood being abused and neglected by evil mom>I was hungry and the loud party music upset me\n>I cried all night while she fucked random teens and smoked weed>Her asshole boyfriend burned me with a cigar when I wouldn't stop crying>Mom got angry at my crying again so she threw me out in the streets>I was literally a toddler wandering the streets of West Belfast at night>Can't exactly remember what happened but the Police found me>A year later I was adopted by my two gay dads\n>Best parents ever\n>Never harmed me in any way\n>treated me like a king\n>Provided me the best quality of life\n>Always supported me\n>They never treated me differently for being heterosexual<|endoftext|> |
>superglue GPS tracker to bicycle >leave it unlocked infront of my apartment >wait for people to steal it >chase them in my car, get out and kick their ass\n>take their wallets >repeat <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>have gf, life is good\n>gf oftentimes complains about makeup being difficult to put on, taking too long etc>be good bf and act sympathetic 53) >think to myself makeup cant be harder>ffw to today\n>gf is gone for uni\n>finish painting my primaris eliminator squad\n>whatnow.jpg\n>remember gf bitching about makeup\n>decide to put her makeup on myself\n>its easy af\n>first the primer (\"foundation\" in makeup speak)\n>put on eyeshadow, colours are easy af to combine and blend>put on mascara\n>have a raging erection the whole time <|endoftext|> |
>be me >surgeon >35 hour operation >do it perfectly with no mistakes everyone thanks god<|endoftext|> |
>have a workmate called Amir\n>also huge gamer\n>obviously we befriend eachother within 1 week>basicly best friends\n>we decide to prank our non gamer colleagues\n>Act and speak like NPCs from different Games when we meet>literally word by word random Oblivion chatter\n>literally asked him if he went to the sky district often>last week\n>working normally\n>Amir is like 3 desks near me\n>suddenly a huge bang is heard\n>probably just a plane\n>Amir: \"By the gods, is that the voice?!\"\n>Me: \"Dragonborn\"\n>we both break out laughing\n>had to explain to 3 HR ladies what we are doing\n>1 is laughing her tits of, the other 2 get angry and tell us to grow up<|endoftext|> |
>Modern man exists for 200.000 years>99% of that is humans being cavemen>Then suddenly we go from being cavemen to exploring the solar<|endoftext|> |
>one asian character in the entire franchise\n>name is Ching Chong\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>17\n>male\n>broke af\n>think of ways to make easy\n>remember hearing about girls selling feet pics on OnlyFans>look at my feet\n>notice how feminine they look idea.jpg>turn 18\n>download OnlyFans on my phone\n>setup billing information and shit\n>shave off all hair on my feet and lower legs\n>take pictures of feet\n>horny retards start paying monthly subscriptions for my feet>starts off slow but eventually start making decent money>doesn\u2019t matter, now financially stable <|endoftext|> |
>be me >at work >work next to a place with a lot of mexicans, most don't>have to fart >qt 3.14 latina chick walking by>think \"she doesn't speak English so she wont>fart VERY LOUD >she looks at me in disgust\n>mfw I realize how fucking autistic I am<|endoftext|> |
>Be me, 31, software programmer , fora tech company in a city>Everyday get 45min break for >The best places to eat are next to >Next to bench area is this bucket drummer\n>He's REALLY good.\n>Been going there to eat my lunch every mon-fri for the past year or so>Always give him a dollar. Least I could do. Pretty cheap for 30min of entertainment.>Went to my work today to grab my laptop\n>Got lunch in same spot as always, notice he isn't out there>Shrug it off, he probably isn't out here on Sundays.>Very sad woman comes and places flowers on where he normally performs>My heart skips a beat, I felt my stomach drop\n> \"Who are those for?\"\n> She proceeds to tell me that the drummer was killed by a driver that was texting while he was>Told me his name was Devin\n>Never spoken a word to Devin, but everyday when I give him a dollar he'd smile and wave at>Even though I don't know Devin, or even his name until now, I'm devastated right now.>My life in the corporate cage sucked, Devin was my way of escaping into music.>Worst part was I never got to tell him how much better his music would make my shitty days.>RIP Devin, thank you for your beautiful music. <|endoftext|> |
> be me 13 years old > grew up in a fucked up home with manipulative and abusive parents> older brother quits his study in the midst of getting a PhD to get me and my little> living with him >haven't been happier in my life > practically saved our life > he forces me to keep my attention at school to accomplish something in my life, something he sacrificed> 2 years go by > he got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer > he never lost hope and always walked around with a smile> dies > 14 years of school and many degrees later > mfw I'm a certified orthopedic surgeon and I'd probably have killed myself if he wasn't there for us>i will never forget you bro <|endoftext|> |
>Dad left when I was 12yo >I'm now 36yo >Calls me every 3 months or so to ask if I want fish>If I say yes he drops by and gives me a frozen fish<|endoftext|> |
>go into work\n>coworker says \u2018hey anon, seems like last year since i see-'<|endoftext|> |
>pirate game\n>company loses $60\n>delete game\n>company receives back $60\n>pirate game 1 million times\n>company loses $60M and\n>buy company for a few dollars and become CEO>delete all the pirated copies\n>$60M deposited in my account\n>suddenly CEO of my own game company with millions to make my dream game<|endoftext|> |
>live in cheap-ass apartment with thin as fuck walls\n>don't mind, I am a mild-mannered and quiet man and don't even play music\n>unfortunately neighbours\u2019 bed is right next to the wall, and they fuck like 6-8 times per week>too awkward to complain >get better idea >dig out my stereo that I never use, and be prepared\n>select the best possible song\n>wait >hear neighbours start to fuck again ILIKE TO MOVE-T MOVEXT, I LIKE TO MOVE-F-MOVE IT>they stop >I stop >we wait >they start again >they stop >this repeats >start doing this every time, always have the song prepared and stereo charged\n>this goes on for weeks >they'te silent for a whole three weeks\n>I hear them start again >they stop immediately and dont start again >they haven't fucked for 3 months now\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >sit in class >remember one time in kindergarten when a girl took a>find that memory really fucking >burst out laughing >teacher gets pissed >asks what so funny >silence. Jpg >say that I thought about a mole >teacher looks at me like I'm retarded >mfw when I actually begin thinking about moles now>remember moles are blind and probably bump into each other all the time>begin laughing again >get detention\n<|endoftext|> |
>Orange man bad >orange man good <|endoftext|> |
>finally tell mom im a superhero\n>bitch doesnt believe me\n>shoot my web on her\n>grounded >mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >japanese >living with a white family in the US A >pretty sweet gig honestly>call her a baka and tell her to get out\n>\"FOR THE LAST TIME ANON YOU'RE NOT JAPANESE YOU'RE JUST A>mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>beme > actually have a really good life, get girls, etc> get sad every once in a while > go on 4chan and thank God I'm not like any of you degenerates> thx guys\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me rs) >Flat Earther (\"] >Friend works at NASA y >Gives me a ticket to go to outer>He said it'll change my views\n>Don'tbelievehim.png >Go to outer space >See that the Earth is round >wtfman.jpg >This can't be real >Realize NASA must have hacked my eyes <|endoftext|> |
>spiderbro is on wall >spiderbro knew >sadface jpg\n<|endoftext|> |
>getting a divorce i ca) a) >wife had been cheating on me for a while, planned it out for>basically am fucked, she covered all her legal ground, even though she ears more I'll probably have to pay alimony, she'll>my boy is the most gentle soul ever, so creative and funny\n>likes fortnite though, but I still love him very much, sometimes I just sit on the sofa next to him eating Cheetos and tease him for>the daughter is a bit weird, distant, hostile but we have our bond we watch shows together GOT, Suits, blindspot, the 100, etc.>1 wish we did more together but I respect her space\n>Never realized how much I'd miss these little moments with them until they were about to vanish\n>hearing comes\n>judge asks who they want to stay with, doesn't really matter either way, their wishes aren't binding, it's pretty certain the judge is gonna give it to wife, but I'm still pretty happy to hear daughter say she>until she shows the bruises and scars\n>says my wife had been abusing her\n>I'm shocked, my wife could be a cheater but she wasn't an abuser\n>I get suspicious when she shows cigarette burns on her arm (wife doesn't smoke)\n>she even shows a medical report claiming she suffered \u201cforced anal and genital insertions\u201d\n>get full custody, child support and wife's gonna end up in a sex offender list\n>I ask daughter why she never told me any of this\n>admits it\u2019s all bullshit, she found out about the affair a while ago and started hurting herself, got a friend to help with the genital stuff>'she ruined our family so I ruined her life\u201d So apparently I'm raising a complete psychopath. Welp, al least my ex got screwed over.<|endoftext|> |
>play chess with someone online\n>load up chess on my computer and set the opponent to Master>I simulate their move on my >copy what the Master difficulty bot does\n>repeat >ez victory <|endoftext|> |
>in bed with gf >she wants my attention >decides upon the best course of action >rams her fingers up my butthole >jesusfuckwoman >\"just a little bit of trolling\" >mfw <|endoftext|> |
>HOLY MOLY HAVE YOU SEEN THE SUPPOSED NEW LEADER - >OMG YASSSSSS dictator queen<|endoftext|> |
>be on road trip >in texas >decide to stop at a steakhouse in east texas bumfuck nowhere>they have a salad bar\n>pasta salad\n>marshmallow salad >potato salad >macaroni salad >fruit salad with whipped cream >there's no vegetables at the salad bar <|endoftext|> |
>be 8\n> sleep at grandmas\n>can never sleep because she puts plastic on the bed>never piss myself\n>goes on for years\n> trouble in family never see her\n>13 years later\n> out of town for work stay at her place\n> go out with co workers and drink all night\n>come back to grandmas\n>no plastic fuckyea.jpg\n> sleep amazing\n> wake up covered in piss because I drank too much<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>19 yo 6/10\n>Go out to movie with bestie of 3 years>9/10 >Dinner and movie >Get ice cream afterwards\n>Give her a glass flower I bought earlier in the month>She loves it and we go for a walk\n>Pull out 5GUM:TRUTH OR DARE PACK\n>Her wrapper says take a selfie with eyes closed\n>She does\n>I read mine It says to ask the most beautiful person in the room>We laugh it off but u remember the glass flower base has a mirror on the bottom side>Look at the mirrored base Oh look I found her!>Showed her the mirrored base of the flower\n>We smile and kiss for the first time ever\n>She reads the other part of the wrapper\n>\"What's the most romantic moment you've shared with the person next to you?\">\"This one right now\"\n>mfw how it feels to chew 5gum <|endoftext|> |
>Be me\n>Colorblind\n>Decide to make greentext >How did I do guys\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>surgeon >35 hour operation >do it perfectly with no mistakes everyone thanks god<|endoftext|> |
>Be freshman in college >first time smoking weed >already trashed on whiskey >twist hard >post up outside and pretend to be security\n>brothers let me and eventually leave >asking people for IDs for about an hour >whole time drinking hard liquor >2 cops come up the stairs and ask to come in >ask them for IDs >\"We are the fucking cops, we are going to come in.\u201d\n>I say \"riddle me this...\u201d then proceed to puke on one of them.\n>They stagger back in shock >Ohfuck > run my drunk ass back to my dorm >Shave my head and beard >see cops every day patrolling the campus. >never recognize me <|endoftext|> |
>I will forgive $50k in student loans >no wait, I'll forgive $10k in student loans >okay maybe not that, but i'll extend the loan pause Trump implemented>okay its been long enough, go back to paying off your debt, buckos<|endoftext|> |
> how fucking cool is that for someone her age<|endoftext|> |
>go in for job interview >Only motherfucker in there with ironed >Everyone else showed up to the interview >I'm the only person that brought a copy <|endoftext|> |
>college student\n>Comes home for summer 6~I >Cleans old high school room so it>finds old flash drive from when I was in middle school>Plugs it in\n>Finds shit ton of pictures of a little boy naked and posing>Wtf\n>Realizes the kid in pictures are younger me\n>Finds word document\n>\u201cHello anon, glad to see you again. Take these pictures and sell them online to make bank. It's not>Destroy flash drive >Crinae so fucking hard\n<|endoftext|> |
>English class assignment is to change up a popular saying>Teacher randomly assigns phrases >I get \u201che could sell snow to an Eskimo.\u201d\n>Easy >Stand in front of the class and say my >I say \u201che could sell Zyklon B to a Jew.\u201d >Solid 30 seconds of silence, then chaos >I'm waiting for my parents to meet with the principal\n>His name is Mr. Rosenblatt >It\u2019s looking bad fellow Anons\n<|endoftext|> |
>Live in Brazil >there are no schools\n>there are no movie theaters\n>there are no malls >still get shot <|endoftext|> |
>write song about \"Imagine all the >beat his wife, ignore his fucking >writes songs about \"I Am The Walrus\" >he's not a walrus, he's actually a human <|endoftext|> |
>Leave a steam review on a small game bashing it with negative rating>Dev replies\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >meet qt3.14 in uni >ask her out on date >she says yes >fast forward 7 years were still together>I propose to her on our anniversary and she says yes>about 5 months pass and it\u2019s our wedding day>do out vowels and everything\n>\"You may now kiss the bride\u201d\n>leans in to kiss her >she suddenly turns into dust\n>wtf.jpg >most of the people in the church turn to dust as well<|endoftext|> |
>Seen IKEA difficult assembly memes\n>Order several pieces of furniture over three weeks.>No missing pieces >No confusing assembly, no troubles assembling what so ever.<|endoftext|> |
>be me an hour ago >Working minimum wage >GF wants pizza >Have a $5 and some quarters\n>Go to local pizza shop >Order\n>Fuckyeah.jpg\n>Go to pay >Start pulling out quarters >Last few are stuck wrapped up in my pocket\n>Struggling >Sweating.jpg >Owner walks over >\"Just give him the pizza he needs it\" >Tell him I can give him the money >\"No no bless your soul you can keep it\"\n>Leave with pizza >Mfw he thought I was homeless <|endoftext|> |
>world's destiny is in the hands of F ie drug addicts, alcoholics, gamblers,<|endoftext|> |
>Beme\n>14 >Don't share online stuff with parents, as usual for teens\n>One day, mom walks into room >Asks to see through my laptop and phone >Tell her no\n>She says she will ground me and take away EVERYTHING i have\n>Ask her if she would like if I looked through her PC and phone >\"T have nothing to hi\n>I'm forced to say yes >Finds my Reddit, Insta and Snap alongside my hentai stash >Oh shit >Takes away my phone and laptop and makes me delete all my accs\n>Well fuck >Beme\n>15 now, still feels violated of privacy since >Asks mom for her phone to watch YouTube >Agrees: >Watch YT for a while, gets bored >Goes through her texts >Finds out she has been cheating on my dad with her co-worker\n>Tell Dad, show him the proof >Dad confronts mom, she tells the truth >Dad files for divorce and wins custody of me and litle sis >Visiting mom, she\u2019s living with a friend\n>Confess to her that I was the one who told dad >She is shocked and asks why >\"You said you had nothing to hide so I checked to make sure\u201d\n>She remembers when she took my laptop and phone, etc\n>Starts bawling and says I ruined her life, etc\n>loldontcare.mp3 >Dad comes to pick me and sis up >Mom screams \"I never ever want to see you again\u201d >K >Drive away <|endoftext|> |
>She gets hospitalized f >Doctor tell us she will be here until>Tell my girlfriend I have to cancel our plans for new year\u2019s party at a friend house because I'll be>She tells me she is still going without me\n>I think to myself \u201cwell I don't want her to have a shitty New Year so it's ok\u201d>Later today best bro calls me\n>\"hey buddy, I heard that you are staying at the hospital for new year, I canceled my plans and will<|endoftext|> |
>make post criticizing google\n>next captcha shows street near my house<|endoftext|> |
>be me, 19\n>dad got a new job, brings up his old work bench from>he shows me magnets on the side of the bench of me and my little bro from 10>cringe but laugh at how I used to look, scrawny fuck with buck teeth bc it was>notice he had baseball shaped silly bandz in his bench drawers>sit there and smile as I realize my dad really has cared for my lil bro and I all>feel sad because when we were that little my parents were going through a rough>replace the sadness with happiness once more, the pasts in the past. I love my dad.<|endoftext|> |