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>be me >have one shot at life\n>born gay in iran mfw<|endoftext|> |
>Be a cop\n>Patrolling, doing cop things\n>See a guy driving like 15 miles below the speed limit>Can see lots of smoke coming out of his >Assume he's blazing it, pull him over >Walk up to his window and he rolls it down >He's got a fucking hot plate plugged into his >Motherfucker is making pancakes while driving <|endoftext|> |
>be me >ask a girl out >she says no >\"im not interested in you eS atipe >sure ok, see you in class>immediately receive a screenshot of her >she sent it to me by accident <|endoftext|> |
>Be me >Sophomore year in college\n>Periodically shit in the top tank of toilets at fraternity and sorority>Word spreading around campus <|endoftext|> |
>be me >working since i was 14 years old\n>fried burguers, painted wall, did whatever to get ends meet>studied math like a pig >get stupid job as math teacher where students throw shit at me>make 60 thousand a year\n>pretend im happy >be belle delphine >be woman >wear make up >learn how to stick tongue out\n>make 120 thousand a week on Patreon only>will probably be a millionaire in two months<|endoftext|> |
>\"Drake?\n>\"What?\"\n>\"Where is the body of Christ?\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>friend torrents black panther, we're about to watch it>me: \"so is this actually good or just overhyped\">me: \"i bet there's basketball, rap, and slavery references within the first 2 minutes\">him: \"pfbpfptf i don't think they'd go that far man\"\n>me: \u201cno seriously i bet there is.\u201d\n>him: *awkward silence and a weird look*\n>we start the movie\n>1 minute of scifi backstory, includes a reference to slavery>followed by basketball and rap\n>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>My mom is super scared about what I have on my phone\n>Download one of those calculator apps that hide images behind a code\n>One day she was going through my phone\n>She bursts into my room, phone in hand\n>\"Anon! What is this?\u201d\n>Tell her it\u2019s just a calculator app\n>I'm freaking out on the inside\n>She says she knows what it is\n>0_ Shit jpg\n>\"OPEN IT NOW ANON!\" ur friends to > Start freaking out>Say no [tot EAN! them! = She threatens to take away everything I have for a year>Unlock calculator >She looks at screen >Theres only one image >She opens it >it's literally just the stupid beaned picture\n>Mom looks at me >\"What the fuck anon?\u201d\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me\n>2 years ago\n>In high school\n>Working on a science project\n>Some chads sit at my table\n>They don't do their project of course>\"Hey anon\"\n>I look over\n>\"Do you know you're a fucking normie\"\n>Ask them if they know where that word comes from>they say instagram\n>Normies call me a normie because I don't talk about memes in public<|endoftext|> |
>Australia had a rabbit plague in the mid 1800s>They tried a variety of methods to get rid of them>Eventually they got desperate, >They made fake rabbits that were >The ones attracted to the fake rabbits didn\u2019t breed and the population was thus reduced>Tfw they\u2019re doing it with people now\n>Tfw I figured out why Anime girls exist <|endoftext|> |
>be me, 17f and in treatmen and recovery from rape>walking through petco to pick up crickets for my friends pet lizard>she presses her paw up to the >cryinginpublic.jpg >I impulsively adopt her >two months later, sucidal thoughts almost nonexistent and able to talk to strangers again>cat is my best friend, she never leaves my side when I\u2019m home and encourages me to get out of<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>24yo anon\n>meet girl on tinder\n>she's super cute\n>possiblegf.jpeg >i'm a total 3/10 >have amazing sex >afterwards ask her what my appeal was >\"oh my stepdad was really fat so it's sort >mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>at university >accidentally bump into a girl carrying papers>kneel down to help her collect them\n>our eyes meet >I say something like \"hey, its like in the >\"yeah except in movies the guys <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>20 and just got license\n>go on road trip across std canada -_ gro>end up in alaska lets you rent gold pans and>they let you keep whatever you find Ae gy,\n>spend an hour and a half and get nothing\n>not a single speck\n>go back in and turn in the pan\n>owner asks me if I need a container for my gold, I tell him I didn't find anything>about to leave when an older gentleman i\u00bb who was out there with me taps my>\"here son\"\n>hands me small glass vial with a few tiny nuggets>smile at this nice gesture and leave slightly happier than when I arrived<|endoftext|> |
>I just lost an argument in my head against a person that doesn't even exist>l even stuttered <|endoftext|> |
>be me, 9 >own a toy firetruck\n>godifuckinglovemyfiretruck.jpg\n>bring to show and tell >kids make fun of firetruck >go home tell dad >dad tells me not to worry about it\n>next day >dad wakes me up for drive to school\n>pass school >\"dad where are we going?\u201d >\"my friends want to meet you anon\u201d\n>pull up to firehouse >dad told his firefighter friends what happened>get tour of firehouse and meet real firemen\n>get to honk real firetruck horn <|endoftext|> |
>wake up >bobby knocks on door\n>\"oi! open up you cheeky bastard and show me your>fumble around and finally find my licence\n>\"s-sorry good sir. It's right here... God save the Queen.\">bobby peers in and catches a glimpse of me telly>\"halt! where's your TV licence you cunt?!\"\n>\"draw TV licence from me wallet\" >bobby gives a look like the bloody Queen's dodger>\"oi mate! where's your permit for this licence?\">show him my licence permit >\"this licence permit is expired. I'm taking you in!\">bobby draws his toy gun >stab him with my unregistered butterknife <|endoftext|> |
>at weed store owned by old white grandma looking>would amp up my gay qualities because it made the owner laugh and she'd make my>one night old lady goes to the back of the store for some reason, calls her husband>quite, old, hulking, native american man shuffles out>ask for 2 grams of an indica, he puts a hefty 8g nug in my bag, then takes my>Tells me \"Thank you for making her laugh.\" as I leave.<|endoftext|> |
>buy chemicals for a peaceful suicide>they all arrive\n>have everything ready\n>suddenly feel happy anymore>the fake smile I put on turns into a real one\n>start enjoying life and treating people nice What the fuck is happening?<|endoftext|> |
>call a cab\n>cab shows up, Nigerian driver\n>black as midnight\n>whygod.jpeg\n>at least his accent is kinda cool\n>notice he's driving by people waving at the car\n>\"hey bud, shouldn't you pick those people up?\"\n>\"oh, them? I'm not driving them anywhere, they are black.\"<|endoftext|> |
>let out your teat >ilfe is flashing thraugh your eyes >50 years of hardcore porn in 1 milisecond\n>nut all over everyone >yourlast words are \"shit\" <|endoftext|> |
>be me 16 at the time F >high school>mates and I sneak away every lunch or free period and smoke>420.jpeg\n>do this all year\n>have retard kid in class, doug\n>dunno how but doug manages to follow us one lunch and watches us smoking weed>we see doug, didn't need him blabbing about it\n>we must befriend the tard\n>call doug over, show him how to light up\n>doug gets stoned\n>doug loves it, totally chill too\n>tard is cool keeping it secret\n>one day, doug lights up with us\n>\"wanna hear why I like smoking anon?\"\n>\"I become a baked potato\"\n>good on ya dougie, fucking champion. <|endoftext|> |
>be student >no gf, pretty boring life >when I have nothing to do, I take >listening to music the whole time >repeat until my phone dies or I get hungry <|endoftext|> |
>notice that I have a strong dislike for most minorities>worry that I may be racist\n>decide to test if I really am\n>go out for a couple of drinks with a\n>he's black\n>pretty good guy actually\n>turns out I just hate poor people phew good thing I'm not racist<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>beta suicidal virgin\n>go to uni\n>pretty miserable and not a lot of friends>get a text from a cousin\n>he tells me not to kill myself\n>wif.jpg\n>\"did you also become on of those fags who tell me not to cuz of no reasons?\">\"no anon i have great plans. We gonna live together, get hella bitchez, play lots of vidya and>mfw it is the best thing i have ever heard in my life\n>mfw someone wants me in their life\n>mfw it has been a week since that text but iam still happy<|endoftext|> |
>step mom moving stuff in the house>shelf falls over and traps her arm\n>she yells for my help\n>\u201danon, please, help me. I\u2019m >I know exactly where this is going >whip my dick out\n>she yells what the fuck\n>my dad walks in\n>flips out\n>they call the cops, I get arrested <|endoftext|> |
>tell faggot brother he just got pranked>\"how?\"\n>tell him to look in his room\n>he spends 10 minutes >there was no prank >mfw that was the prank <|endoftext|> |
>making out with slut i brought from a nearby bar\n>gonna fuck this bitch >look to my condor for approval >he shits on her bag and pecks her outta the room.\n>later find out she had harpies from fiend <|endoftext|> |
>be american >17 people die >American students do a celebratory conga<|endoftext|> |
>be me end of high school\n>be in weed phase\n>come to class high af\n>red af eyes reeking of weed\n>everyone looks at me and teacher\n>too high to think of what to say\n>\"no teacher i drank my dad's cannabis scent parfume and got drunk from alcohol in it\">teacher looks at me worried\n>i pull out my parfume from my backpack and drink it to prove myself>end up in a hospital\n>got suspended for being drunk in class\n<|endoftext|> |
>be american\n>get sick\n>go backrupt <|endoftext|> |
>be me in highschool >one day the teacher asks the >most of the class asked him to >teacher picks me and I say >he plays it and the entire class is saying to pick >MFW I'm the only one that enjoys rock and metal >MFW everyone is saying that it's garbage <|endoftext|> |
>tfw had a general grievous phase when I was younger>would wrap a blanket around my shoulders like a cape while walking around hunched over coughing<|endoftext|> |
>be today >be Australian >Woke up sick >Call work to let them >contact local GP\n>Appointment free and same day because subsidised social healthcare>Paid sick leave because strong labour movement that guarantees working rights>Now nobody at work will catch my cold.\n>Food for customers not contaminated by my cold.>Company doesn't lose money because my sick leave is government subsidised>All bills continue to be paid on time, my day is stress-free because I have time to<|endoftext|> |
>show its called Mr.Robot\n>its supposed to be about a depressed guy with social anxiety>has a well paid job\n>has a female best friend >has sex with a female drugs dealer in the first chapter>after sex scene they put some scene of him crying and saying muh loneliness and anxiety<|endoftext|> |
>Be in 7th grade >Have to piss >Teacher does that whole \"I don't know, can you?\" bullshit\n>\"May I use the restroom Mr. Anonderson\" >Book it to bathroom while holding my peener hole closed\n>Urinals are taken >See unlocked stall >Kick the door open like they do in the movies >See kid squatting on the toilet, shitting frog style >See turd retreat back into his asshole like a scared turtle\n>Piss myself <|endoftext|> |
>girl asks for my snap\n>we talk for a week, it's very nice\n>I set up a date, she agrees and acts interested =, >fast forward to today>show up, wait for forty minutes:\n>check phone, she blocked me on <|endoftext|> |
>Be me >19 years old virgin >Watch milf porn all the time and fap>Make a new friend in class >No father, single sexy mother\n>RemenberPorn.jpeg >Plan to fuck her\n>Go to his house when he is out\n>Start flirting with his mother\n>Say I want to have sex with you\n>She slaps me\n<|endoftext|> |
>masturbating in bedroom\n>about to cum\n>dad comes running in naked screaming>'and here comes dad from left >he does a running jump >lands asshole first on my dick\n>penetration.png\n>cum\n>mfw he laughs and calls me a faggot for cuming in another guy<|endoftext|> |
>get ad on YouTube\n>cover screen\n>turn off volume\n>close eyes\n>count down <|endoftext|> |
>popular only because of porn\n>releases hamster character <|endoftext|> |
>be me, 17 >just got license >home alone, want McD's >Drive in my Mom's minivan >4chan has been daily browsing for me at this point>drive through >\"Yeah, uhm, can! get a 10 pc of some chicken tendies?\">whatthefuckdidljustsay.exe has been executed>this motherfucker says \"sure anon\"\n>oneofus.jpg >drive to window, embarrassed af\n>guy is 20 something, says \"you seem chill\" and passes me note with his>dm him >now best friends. <|endoftext|> |
> be me\n> 17 when rock band came out\n> read about rock band online every day> watch rock band videos every day rock band> brother has a ps3 but it's In his room\n> no other consoles in the house\n> he agrees to let me use his ps3 in his room if I were to get it for xmas> fast forward xmas eve\n> beg mom to let me open one gift early\n> it's rock band for 360> I'm so depressed because it means I won't be playing rock band on xmas after all> \"I got it for the wrong system? Aww. I'm sorry anon. Here. You can open one more.\u201d<|endoftext|> |
>20 year old autist >working drive through at mcdonalds >\"I'll have 2 chicken sandwiches 1 with no tomato\u201d\n>\"which one do you not want tomato on?\u201d >some brief silence and a muffled sound >\"either one, man\u201d >messed up their change ttoo\n<|endoftext|> |
> Be me, alone on Christmas > Hungry, go out for food > Go to local Chinese restaurant > Walk in and sit down, restaurant is > Owner walks up and greets me in broken English > \"Hello, see you on holiday, thank you for joining us\" > Owner's entire extended family comes out from > Start moving tables around and bringing out dishes > They set up an entire feast > Genuinely enjoy the food and company even > After eating, I help the family put the restaurant > I ask the owner how much I owe him for the meal > \"You owe us nothing, thank you for joining us, Merry > Leave and go home with a smile on my face, still <|endoftext|> |
>ate two slices of pizza\n>watched tv >Went to work\n>Came home\n>Called you a faggot <|endoftext|> |
>be 10\n>waiting in line with mom >'Hold on, I forgot to get something stay in line.\u201d\n>Line gets closer to the front\n>Mom still not back yet <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>dating gymnast\n>she's been practicing for a competition>she's gotten even more flexible\n>\"anon, I wanna try a new position\n>hellyeah.jpg\n>she gets in super strange stretching position\n>we start going at it\n>it's not that great but I still finish\n>\"how was it anon\"\n>weird flex, but ok <|endoftext|> |
>be american >get fat, get shot, become poor because surgery is>get beheaded by isis >be asian\n>suicide because of stress and no gf >be african\n>be african >be australian\n>get killed by venomous animal and lose <|endoftext|> |
>1 month until 2020\n>no Moon base, no Mars <|endoftext|> |
>Be me in army\n>mandatory in my shitty country\n>first time we noob soldiers fire our guns>drill instructor yells \"are you ready?\"\n>i yell back \"ai ai captain\"\n>random guy two rows away yells \"i cant hear you\"\n>drill instructor mad and tries to find out who mocked him>i yell again \"OOOOO0000\"\n>random guy shots a rock 10 meters in front of him from laughter ( the target was 300 meter away)>dust rises up and one general runs and screams at drill instructor>we march back to camp 10 kilometers instead of driving>i am attending the \"i cant hear you\" guy wedding next week<|endoftext|> |
>Dad left when I was 12yo >I'm now 36yo >Calls me every 3 months or so to ask if I want fish>If I say yes he drops by and gives me a frozen fish<|endoftext|> |
>be school in Florida\n>worried trans kids will make sports unfair>mandate \u201cgenital inspection of minors\u201d<|endoftext|> |
>be me >at work >work next to a place with a lot of mexicans, most don't>have to fart >qt 3.14 latina chick walking by>think \"she doesn't speak English so she won't>fart VERY LOUD >she looks at me in disgust\n>mfw I realize how fucking autistic I am<|endoftext|> |
>be me >worked in a shitty museum >gave tours to classes all the time >the work was boring >the museum sucked >you pay $20 to walk around and >start on going joke with coworkers >when training new hires for tours we throw in shit >I decide to give George Washington a middle >I gave the new hire his study materials >have him shadow my tours and keep referring to >nobody questions the S. >new hire takes over tours and refers to him with >not a single soul questions him while me and my >went back 8 years later after with my own kid for >went on to tell her how I used to work here when >get to part about George >lady giving tours gets to his part and says >I fucking lost it >all these years have came and gone >and these fucks still call him George S. >ask her what the S. stands for >she says Smith >you don't understand /b/ >I had to leave the museum I was laughing so <|endoftext|> |
>first time spending the night with new gf ' >wake up to the sound of her crying>She starts profusely apologizing to me>apparently she's a bedwetter\n>usually wears diapers to bed and has plastic mattress covers but>starts rambling about how it's cuz her uncle abused her and shit>just try to calm her down and tell her it's ok>she finally calms down >next night she puts on a diaper and puts a cover on the bed>notice her get up at least twice in the night to change diapers<|endoftext|> |
>boss calls me into office\n>\"hey anon we noticed you've been cold and unwelcoming to your new<|endoftext|> |
>be me > locked up for 2 years for driving under the influence of Oxy> going into an all black cell block, 2 other white guys in there are all tore up> fuck that. > look for the biggest black monster I can find.> spot him. 6'5\" build like Bautista. > \"let's do this\" I think. > walk right up there to him, yell, \"you! >he stands up, full head taller than me. I stare hi right in the eye. > \"I'll suck your dick on the reg, if you keep me safe.\" > spend 2 years on easy street,safe and sound no one fucks with me. Suck some big black dick. Who cares.<|endoftext|> |
>Think that everyone fucking >Therapist tells me this is a delusion and that if I don't believe>\"I don't hate you, I just wish things had turn out differently\"<|endoftext|> |
>be born >one shot at life >live in sweden >so far so good >parents name you svenjamin and thats where it goes to shit<|endoftext|> |
>friend sells me some adderall >take pill >feel fucking euphoric, literally nothing can stop me>zero social anxiety, i could tell my whole life story to a random person if>compulsive behaviors almost disappear entirely for the first time in over 2 years>don't feel worried anymore, start realizing that all my problems are just temporary and i can fix them>actually want to live my life, go out and have fun\n>don't feel empty anymore, always thinking positive and for the future>drug starts to wear off after a few hours >go back to my normal suicidal self <|endoftext|> |
>Mother got extremely sick on Christmas>She gets hospitalized\n>Doctor tell us she will be here until Ha January 2>Tell my girlfriend I have to cancel our plans for new year\u2019s party at a friend house because I'll be>She tells me she is still going without me\n>I think to myself \u201cwell I don\u2019t want her to have a shitty New Year so it\u2019s ok\u201d>Later today best bro calls me\n>\"hey buddy, I heard that you are staying at the hospital for new year, I canceled my plans and will<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>one chance at life\n>filipino <|endoftext|> |
>this was considered comically obese in 1990\n<|endoftext|> |
>played Red Dead Redemption with autistic 8yo step-sister>all she did was walk around skinning animals and giggling>mfw she killed a prostitute and asked me why she couldn't skin<|endoftext|> |
>Sitting at the bar >feel someone tap my shoulder >turn around and see a guy standing there with this weird smile on his face>he says \"got the time?\", but he is almost >I say \"sure\" and pull out my pocket >As soon as I pull out my pocket watch the guy belts out laughing, along with a large table nearby, full of people>before I can even check the time, the guy walks away to the laughing table and loudly says \"I told you it was a>one of the girls at the table says \"Who the fuck-\" but laughs so hard she cannot speak>I look around and see that there are other people in the place looking at me and some are laughing too>put my pocket watch away and try to go back to my drinks<|endoftext|> |
>run into weird satanic witchcraft cringe dude on insta>instead of calling him an idiot and getting blocked I try to have fun with it>tell him to use his \"powers\" to get my >\"ok\" >asks me to DM him photos of her\n>no word for a few days\n>kinda just forget about\n>2 days ago finally DMs me \"done\"\n>yesterday coworker was acting really really chummy with me>texted me today asking if I'm doing anything on Saturday to go on a date>get scared realizing I've very possibly made an actual deal with satan>whathaveidone <|endoftext|> |
>be 27\n>virgin\n>girl I went to uni with a few years ago calls me>\"hey anon i'm really sorry to do this but I had a baby and I think>uh bitch that's fucking impossible we never had sex>\"what the fuck are you talking about are you serious\">start arguing\n>get a DNA test just to shut her the fuck up\n>it's positive <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>neighbour has heavily disabled son>outside gym master race\n>one day I\u2019m lifting and he\u2019s in the neighbors garden>I'm benching my 1RM\n>here a noise\n>look up and see this little spazoid cheering and bobbing his head>now every time I lift he wheels himself out and cheers me on>mfw I now lift for him <|endoftext|> |
>Be me, 25 >gf works w/ the police force, so do i\n>we make a list of kinky shit we want to do in our life.>last week at check up get told I have terminal cancer>family and gf devastated >remember list >tell gf we should do the top kinky thing on the list>gf wants to have sex in the sewers\n>mfw >whatever, only 3 months to live anyway\n>sneak out at night >go to sewers >have sex >lets me cum in her >shit was cash >moral of the story is >fuck the police >coming straight from the underground\n<|endoftext|> |
>feel bad for a lonely guy in my class>invite him to a cosplay event\n>he shows up dressed as Fred \u201c> Flintstone in blackface<|endoftext|> |
>instructions say cook from frozen\n>caok from chilled instead >cashier tells me to have a nice day\n>tell her I will >don't\n<|endoftext|> |
>My sister caught me jacking off the other week and calls me a>Just the other day i walked into my room and caught my sister>So she calls me a pervert >There is no justice in the world... <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>Mexican\n>depressed and suicidal, but don\u2019t want my death to look like a suicide>realize that elections are\n>enter the race on a strong anti- crime platform, and say that I will pass laws to>a few days later, a nice cartel man knocks on my door and shoots me in the head<|endoftext|> |
>grow green\n>turn brown >refuse to elaborate further\n>leaves\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >be loser who drives a delivery van all >work is fucking boring as fuck >get new puppy >have idea >I will take puppy to work with me >Next day put puppy in van >Puppy sits shotgun all day, does not piss or poop in cab >Take puppy to park during lunch break >Puppy waits patiently while I make deliveries >Drive home >Realize work was fun with my little puppy buddy >Have never had this much enjoyment of work >Thank you puppy <|endoftext|> |
>be 12\n>want to order pay per view pom >use dads credit card >record it on vhs so id have it forever >wait for bill to come in mail >get on microsoft paint and remove the pom >put in titanic >put bill back in the mail >dad yells at me for renting titanic without permission, but nothing worse <|endoftext|> |
>Be Me\n>American\n>Internet\u2019s down ess > Bored>Go Outside most gun owners are>Go back inside\n>Get stabbed by wife <|endoftext|> |
>going to school >realise i forgot my bag\n>conclude the only explenation is that im in a dream>go into school bathroom and rape a girl<|endoftext|> |
>be me >24yo femanon\n>meet guy on tinder\n>he's super cute\n>possiblebf jpeg\n>have nice date in restaurant>go back to his place >\"do you do anal, anon?\u201d\n>surewhynot.jpeg >actually hate anal but whatever >it's uncomfortable and painful but mercifully short>after he comes i start talking about a second date>\"no offence anon but i could never date a girl that would let a guy do that\">mfw <|endoftext|> |
>be me >japanese >living with a white family in the US { >pretty sweet gig honestly>call her a baka and tell her to get out\n>\"FOR THE LAST TIME ANON YOU'RE NOT JAPANESE YOU'RE JUST A>mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>be black\n>be at super bowl party last night\n>telling someone a story about a story from work about some crazy>I say \u201cwhat word? Nigger?\u201d\n>she then says \u201cyou're making everyone here really uncomfortable by using that word\u201d>I tell her I\u2019m the only black person here and I\u2019m telling a story>she say \u201cIDC I don't like when people use that word around me\u201d>her three beta orbiters then walk over <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>giraffe\n>eating leaves\n>watch the cheetahs race\n>go in for another bite of leaves down covered in leaves>monkey who was on the tree saw me\n>he says \u201cthis nigga eatin leaves\u201d\n>my whole herd laughs at me\n>mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>total Chad >girls always checking me out>have a date pretty much every day>constantly getting new ink\n>only stay with a girl for a year at most before moving on>be a calendar >pic unrelated <|endoftext|> |
>recently single after very long \u2018 5 >only ever had sex with her>match with cute girl on Tinder >go over to apartment and go for a >we watch a movie and flirt a little but >she turns off the lights and randomly says \u201ctime for >we start to make out >get naked >she\u2019s a literal 10/10 perfect body >I am fingering her and eating her out >go to get condom and boner goes down >oh fuck >won't get hard >so nervous and uncomfortable my little buddy refuses >just finger her and play with her nipples >think she came but who knows >we lay together and she can tell im bothered >asks me what's the matter and explains that she >kisses me and we hold eachother tight >tells me about her ex >total fucking scumbag >tell her I've been having a rough time since my >she says \u201cI could get used to this\u201d >talk until around 2AM >cuddle all night but I can\u2019t really sleep >by morning I\u2019m completely in love >go to take train home and kiss her goodbye >she unmatches me an hour later\n<|endoftext|> |
>become most powerful man on earth\n>do absolutely nothing >Become the most powerful man on earth >See that the country is prospering >See that your in an era of peace >Don't spend money on military motions that are unneeded>Spend money for welfare, including starting a orphanage for girls>Devote time to raising children ment to be the best possible heirs>1800 years later >Faggot 4channers are mad that you didn't do dumb shit.<|endoftext|> |
>Be fit, tall, rich and famous Lill >Be married>Wife cheats multiple times\n>Wife publicly says that fit, tall, rich and famous husband can't fuck>Someone makes a joke about wife's lack\n>Husband laughs, but then punchs dude who made the joke because wife didn't like it>Husband acts like a huge white knight cuck with cheating bitch wife>He could just dump her ass and get any woman he wants, he's not exactly a NEET neckbeard<|endoftext|> |
>20 minutes ago\n>mum asks me if i have a bf>politely tell her no\n>she spends 10 minutes need a man>get annoyed\n>suddenly asks if I'm lesbian\n>tell her \"no\"\n>9 more minutes go by with the continued explanation of needing a man>if this were an anime I'd have steam shooting out my ears>can't take it anymore\n>blurt out I'm not a middle aged divorced woman who needs someone to feel>she stares at me blankly\n>she starts to cry <|endoftext|> |
>Wanna say \"Let's go\" and \"okay\">Said \"Let's gay\" >Got weird looks <|endoftext|> |
>Walk into your bedroom\n>You find Belle Delphine on your bed<|endoftext|> |
>trusted local man kidnaps his son\n>takes boy to motel and rapes him\n>the rapist gets caught by the cops\n>father goes to the local bars and find out when the rapist will be brought>local guy who worked for media lets >arrives at the airport and waits for cops to arrive with rapist>live TV crews also at the scene\n>cops and rapist walking through airport\n>pulls out a pistol and shoots his son's rapist straight through the head, killing him with a single shot>father literally assassinates his son's rapist on live television (pic related)>gets arrested\n>local community unanimously decides he's not guilty of any crime and is a hero>goes to court\n>judge doesn't convict him, only gets 300 hours community service>carries on and lives his life as normal, and is forever regarded as a hero<|endoftext|> |
>be lonely homeschooler in high school>watch anime to pretend i have frens>finish school, get warehouse job >we start playing dungeons and >dont really like the game just fun to hang out with people>first time playing since before christmas\n>forgot everything except my dice tray and spell cards>fuckssake.jpeg >one guy gives me a Set of dice to use and keep\n>dm copied some of my character stats\n>another guy gives me a new sheet to write them on>they all help me guesstimate hit points and inventory etc>mfw \"we need our cleric!\" >mfw finally have frens\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me >Playin Fallout >Come across a deathclaw >Had a sex mod installed for shits 'n giggles>Forgot I had it installed\n>Deathclaw fucking assrapes me\n>It has custom sound >mfw <|endoftext|> |
>hanging out with group of people I don't know very well>one of them asks about my scars >try to change the subject, but she persists >starts making obviously wrong guesses >did I fall off a bike, is it a sports injury, is it from rock climbing, etc>eventually snap and say I did them to myself >she says \"You mean you blame yourself, because if you were better at riding a bike you wouldn't have fallen>\"No, I mean I literally cut them into my arm with a knife\">she pauses and gives me a disgusted look >\"Yeah, obviously. I was trying to give you an easy out to save your dignity\"<|endoftext|> |
>fap all around my neighborhood, in bushes,>get noticed several times\n>\"Police are looking for a man aged 20-30, muscular>\"muscular build\" >tfw finally made it <|endoftext|> |
>be 10\n>watching Scooby Door\n>tfw Velma's sexy the blanket>feelssogood.png\n>feel a volcano erupting in my loins\n>shout SCOOBY DOOBY DOO as I cum\n>Start doing it on the reg\n>SCOOBY DOOBY DOO every time I cum\n>Mom thinks I really like Scooby Doo\n>Mom buys me all seasons of Scooby Doo for Christmas<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>depressed because dad is cheating on mom>mom mad all the time\n>friends feel distant >find zero >he makes me laugh and is really good >he makes me happy >thanks zero <|endoftext|> |
>be me >trying to set PR around some 5-ish k lap around where I live >running like a madman >but I might have overdone the pace >last uphill section coming up >cannot keep up, knees weak, arms spaghetty >halfway up the hill is a mother with her toddler coming down >decide that once I'm past them, I'll stop and walk the rest of the way up\n>don't wanna show signs of weak legs to complete strangers. As one does.\n>as I'm trying to jellyleg my way up past them, toddler notices me >\"Go, go, go!\" The lil\u2019 fella shouts at me >engage overdrive >increase tempo and blast up the rest of the hill >my legs substained by the cheers of toddler >complete the run home to make it PR <|endoftext|> |
>be you >pathetic redditfag >can't make original memes\n>steal greentexts from 4chan fuck you<|endoftext|> |
>be me >visiting America with family >go to restaurant for lunch >waitress assures my mom that the portions aren't excessive>get food >biggest plate of pasta I've ever seen >mfw I'm obese and even I couldn't finish more than half of it<|endoftext|> |