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>asexual gf wants me to wear chastity cage>ok >now asexual gf wants me to wear panties<|endoftext|> |
>at the bus stop >its raining >notice qt girl >shes getting drenched\n>place my umbrella over her\n>\"umm no thanks\" >takes five steps back <|endoftext|> |
>go on reddit\n>make comment about something I think I'm right about>get proven wrong\n>admit that I was wrong and thank person who provided a>get downvoted anyway >this fucking site\n<|endoftext|> |
>) )/>Be on patrol in Iraq >VBIED explodes a few blocks away >We go to secure the area and I, a medic, go to treat casualties>Platoon Sergeant is with me >He points to a smoldering buttocks attached to nothing else>Looks at me and says \"check out that hot piece of ass!\">Women are on their knees throwing sand over their shoulders to mourn>I'm laughing so hard I have tears running down my face<|endoftext|> |
>be me >24yo femanon >qt 17yo boys outside tesco ask me to buy them cider>hatch plan >walk into tesco and grab the cider\n>approach qt employee >explain that i saw my abusive bf outside\n>\"don't worry, you can leave through the back door\">thank him >pay for the cider with the teenagers' money\n>leave out back door >drink the cider by the canal and browse Achan on a local cafe's wifi>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>mom won't pay for my Fortnite <|endoftext|> |
> 10 years ago I was afraid to post here thinking you guys are all hackers and>now I realize you are all a bunch of faggots>welcome home you gay bitch <|endoftext|> |
>Get job at McDonalds, need cash\n>Work in the back arranging the meals>qt 3.14 comes in with~8 yo Happy Meal>daughter is really polite to casier, says please and everything>throw in an extra nugget because of her kindness\n>few mins later, manager tells me to mop a spill\n>its right next to the mom and her daughter\n>evesdrop on them\n>\"Mommy look, the people in the back gave me an extra nugget, why?\">mom replies, \"Its because they're dumb enough to work here that they cant count\">mfw\n>mom and daughter laugh while I walk away <|endoftext|> |
>wait 17 years\n>wake up >scream for 4 weeks\n>refuse to elaborate\n>die <|endoftext|> |
>be me >have of >hear about Andrew Tate, decide to look him up>really like his advice >decide to try it on gf to gain her respect\n>be with her one day >tell her that I cheated on her (i didn't) >she is understandably upset >tell her \"Yeah, got drunk. Fucked some girl. Don't remember her name. If you want to leave you can leave.\">she actually does >heartbroken, text her every day telling her it wasn't real and I was just following advice I got online to be cool>tell her to look up Andrew Tate so she'll see what i mean\n>pretty sure she blocked me, all our friends hate me now What the fuck do I do? She was my first gf, I literally have<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>travel abroad basically all my life due to dad's political work>live in various european/asian countries like sweden, denmark, turkey,>have a normal upbringing\n>plenty of friends, great classmates, etc\n>eventually move to the US\n>literally the first day of school, one of my american classmates throws a fucking stapler at me<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>go on Reddit\n>see that a post has gold and silver>wot.jpg\n>ffw a few weeks\n>see a post that made me laugh\n>click on button to give gold\n>a menu comes up to buy gold\n>confusion.jpg\n>click on buy gold\n>asks for a payment method\n>what the fuck\n>some faggots actually spend money to give a medal to posts and comments that>mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>8 year old cousin is over\n>she wants to watch a movie in my room>mom tells me to \"keep the door open\"<|endoftext|> |
>still have to tip driver $2-3\n>$10 pizza becomes $25\n>pizza shop is 4 minutes away >be retard >have yard full of perfectly edible, healthy grass and bugs\n>decide to spend $25 on artery clogging slop instead\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me\n>Hungry before work\n>See donut shop and think \"fuck it, >Go inside and get a chocolate >Cashier says \"Wow, lots of chocolate today huh?\"\n>\"Haha yeah, I'm the chocolate man from chocolate land.\">never return there <|endoftext|> |
>be me >at school >there's a grill next to me i never >during class at one point she TAS BHEG asks: \"can we do this exercise>me: \"no\"\n>virginity protected <|endoftext|> |
>Playing GTA San Andreas\n>Father comes in >Want to show him how cool the game is >Go to the beach and kill hookers using chainsaw and flamethrower\n>Few days later he bans the game <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>went to Japan for vacation\n>has a very close online jap friend that I met when I was loitering>thought he's a guy\n>short haired gt 9/10 appeared. Her name is Nao\n>even though it's the first time meeting her irl, we hit off pretty well>Nao talks to me about pretending to be a guy online>she wanted to talk with someone about rock but she thinks people online wouldn't take her seriously>she apologized\n>\"apology accepted but on one condition.\"\n>says I wanna play guitar hero with you\n>she laughed and agreed\n>nicesmile.jpeg\n>went to her apartment\n>she hurriedly opened her ps4 and accessed guitar hero>pretty high level\n>plays\n>mfw she lost\n>mfw she turned off the game and started sulking\n>started motivating her\n>hey nao, you're a rockstar. get your game on, go, <|endoftext|> |
>tell a German \"I'll see you later\"\n>He asks what time <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>gap year >work as nursery assistant at a home for mentally challenged (IQ>70)\n>one guy is very unintelligent >24 years old >IQ too low to leam how to speak >only says weird sounds >no friends >only hobby is to suck puddles dry >once tried sucking lake dry >puked multiple times >once all got sick from bad food\n>he didn't because of superior stomach from sucking puddles >one day the home gets a new manager >decides that puddlesucker cannot suck puddles anymore >puddlesucker gets very sad >one time I have the night shift >its raining >see puddlesucker stand by the window crying looking at the many delicious puddles >I open the door >puddlesucker runs outside faster than a 4chan user chasing an icecream truck >sucks on atleast 7 puddles >comes back >gives me big wet hug >mfw guy who doesn't even crack a smile when he sees his family after 2 months, gives me a hug\n<|endoftext|> |
womvonwe \u2014 >SiSter 17>walks out of bathroom after shower >tell her to fasten her towel before it falls off\n>she nods and fastens it before walking away\n>i go shower and forget about it\n>because im not some sick degenerate like you fucks. 22772251744 # x >be 15<|endoftext|> |
>meets a disabled 14 year on the >attempts to marry her without once trying to find our where her<|endoftext|> |
>live alone and start to feel lonely\n>install vrchat and join some servers>all e-couples, whiney americans and furries>suddenly come across some other guys with monkey avatars>more people notice and start monkeying around\n>end up spending the night harassing e-couples with 4 other guys>leave not feeling so lonely <|endoftext|> |
>mfw I have never touched a vagina, even when being born>mfw I wasn't really even born at all, but cut out of my mother's stomach like an<|endoftext|> |
>\"THERE'S A HUGE LABOR SHORTAGE, 6 MILLION JOBS>apply to 500 jobs >get 1 call back >it's a pyramid scheme\n<|endoftext|> |
>date is going well\n>politics gets brought up\n>don't want to scare her\n>spout the most normie, bluepilled, centrist opinions>nothing even remotely close to right of center>\"Oh god, you're not an alt-righter, are you?\"<|endoftext|> |
>asshole hairy since 12 >can't remember time when wiping easy\n>always wipe 50 times >like cleaning muddy fishing net with tp\n>usually try to shit just before shower\n>trimming pubes one day >going at gooch >go back farther >fuck it >trim asscrack >fuck it halfway there >shave crack and hole >takes like an hour >dont want to be cutting up my shithole\n>next day >shit >wipe >wipe again >paper clean looking >wtf >did i miss the hole? >nope >just done wiping <|endoftext|> |
>be me >dad leaves for cigarettes \\) >decide to go to store for food>see dad still in line, cigarettes Tamarclare!>wave to him everyday <|endoftext|> |
>grandparents visiting for a week\n>grandpa is interested in crypto, has heard me talk about it so I shill him on muh>fuck I probably shouldn't go that to gramps>help him sign up\n>he has to confirm email\n>\"Oh dang, guess I'll just have to do this when I get back home\">tell him he can just sign into his email on my computer and sign back out if he's worried about muh privacy or>\"What do you mean anon? My email is just on my computer back at home\">browhat\n>Tell him he can login to his email on literally any device he has access to.>just put in the email and password dude\n>show him how to do it\n>\"WOW Anon, I had no idea you could do that! That's so cool!\"<|endoftext|> |
>sit down to watch my boyfriend play>its a dark souls like type game\n>he dies <|endoftext|> |
>three years ago >really drunk >post my number on 4chan asking someone to call me and>this bald mother fucker right here calls me>tells me a story about a bear who switches places with a human for a day>many keks til i fall asleep >becomes a weekly ritual >time goes on and its less stories and more general conversation>three years later hes getting married >asks me to be the best man in his wedding\n>whythefucknot.jpg >fly up the coast to stay at his house for the weekend>friends and family all know \u2018of' me so its kinda weird>but everyones really fucking chill especially his friends<|endoftext|> |
>wake up\n>still not Br*tsh\n>day improves noticably <|endoftext|> |
>be me >Watching Netflix health documentary\n>\"haha fat people\" >They're filming fatties in the street\n>\"hey, I have that shirt\" >\"hey, I have those cargo shorts\"\n>\"hey, I know that building\" >mfw 1 Reply I View Thread<|endoftext|> |
>taking massive shit >coming out sideways\n>hurts like hell >feel and hear anus tearing\n>losing lots of blood\n>wake up around 15 minutes later\n>go to wipe\n>cleanwipe.doc\n>no blood, no shit\n>feel around asshole\n>someone sewn up my gaping wound and cleaned it>blood and shit still in toilet <|endoftext|> |
>Be me >20 >Enough money to stay in Japan for a few months >Go to Tokyo >Slowly find the places where Japanese women who want westemers hang out\n>After maybe 2 weeks I end up in a casual encounter >Repeat quite a few times >End of time here >Go back to UK >Didn't use condoms, didn't ask if they were on the pill, always cummed inside of them. <|endoftext|> |
>Arabs > Pel <|endoftext|> |
>never ask anyone out\n>never get rejected\n>basically irresistible haha who's the chad now<|endoftext|> |
>making out with slut i brought from a nearby bar\n>gonna fuck this bitch >look to my condor for approval >he shits on her bag and pecks her outta the room.\n>later find out she had harpies from fiend <|endoftext|> |
>I post the frog >they see the frog and get mad\n>they say mean things to me\n>I get sad >i want to feel happy again\n>frog makes me happy >I post the frog\n<|endoftext|> |
>mom and dad both had a bad day and decided to destress, whatever, free food>throughout the whole dinner they're both >my little brother suddenly looks like he had an idea and whispers in my ear \"watch this\">he asks mom and dad to look each other in the eye as long as they can>think to myself wtf is he doing, a staring contest?\n>after about 15 seconds of eye contact they both start smiling and eventually they break into laughter at that.>mfw my lil bro is the best at making people happy <|endoftext|> |
> Shut the Tuck up and dont interrupt me, you Tat\n<|endoftext|> |
>tfw you'll never have a cute gf who plays games in your lap and when she beats you at them she teases you while rubbing her butt on your dick>when she beats you \u2018what kind of fucking casual do you take me for<|endoftext|> |
>beme >in highschool > accidentally bump into girl in the hallway\n> she says \"ew\" > mfw this happens on multiple occasions\n> mfw they aren't even trying to be mean, <|endoftext|> |
>be me, 28 year old Texas fag\n>live in Corpus Christi\n>love it here but city has a bad homeless problem>last week find a hobo walking through grocery store parking lot in morning>strike up conversation and befriend him\n>offer to pay him $200 if he helps me move furniture out of my house in Austin>he agrees\n>I don\u2019t have house in Austin\n>we go to Austin, ~4 hour drive\n>he gets out to use bathroom in gas station in random ghetto>I leave him and drive back to corpus <|endoftext|> |
>working in a high end restaurant>chef is hard ass german>decide to fuck with him>bartender brings up case of apple juice in cans, and leaves it>snag 3 cans from the case, and crank the oven to 500>service starts >it's time >place cans of apple juice in the oven\n>they start to melt and contort, leaking apple juice into the inferno of an oven>chef walks into the kitchen >\"VAT IS ZAT HISSING\" >try to contain my laughter as kraut chef opens the oven door to see melting>kraut chef starts yelling \"WHY IZ ZE JEWZ IN ZE OVEN, TAKE ZE JEWZ OUT>entire dining room can hear him\n>kraut chef never found out that it was me<|endoftext|> |
>be me, 27\n>amazing kind girlfriend\n>she has autistic 31 y/o brother\n>bit odd, really loves trains, MTG, and Roman imperial history>mostly non verbal recluse now has fellow nerdbro to shoot the shit with>parents love me\n>\u2019anon is so good with him! He really goes out of his way to be his friend\u201d>literally just vibing with dude\n>don\u2019t feel the need to check myself when I go off on my fixations>am I autistic, /b?\n<|endoftext|> |
>hyper military based society Sy >tries to convince itself it's the>loses <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>talk to cute girl\n>I'm totally into her\n>seems like she's into me as well\n>ask girl out >okie dokie, moving on >later hear from mutual friend that girl was wondering as to why I gave up so easily in trying to pursue her<|endoftext|> |
>grandpa has stroke and falls down the stairs>suffers brain damage and left side of body is paralyzed>can never walk again and has to use a wheelchair>mom is worried that his brain will >he goes to treatment center for recovery\n>couple of months go by >it's father's day >my parents and I go to treatment center to see grandpa>grandpa gives wrapped gift to my dad >dad opens it >it's a porn magazine <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>have female friend who likes shitpost as much as I do>notificationtojoinashitpostgroupfromher.exe\n>Flat Earth etc... >seems like a decent shitpost group >everyone has a top tier shitposting/Irony humor\n>\"NASA uses Eyefish lence\" >Laugh at funny ironical memes and shit they write>my friend likes NASA and space bs >see a post where she is arguing w/ some random guy>Find out the FB group is not a shitpost group\n>Mfw I've been in this group for at least 2 months\n>Mfw I thought their posts were memes >Mfw these people actually think Earth is flat\n>Mfw top excuse is \"NASA uses eyefish lence\"\n<|endoftext|> |
>be american\n>internet is blocked\n>bored >go outside >get shot <|endoftext|> |
>be me >lonely little shit\n>had a few close friends but we kinda>for the last few years had 0 friends, no love life, no resemblance of a genuine>got a job last year, am 24 now >its right next to one of the old friends job (she's a bartender, let's call her Marie)>i go to marie's bar after work one day (didnt know she worked there)>start going to marie's bar pretty much every day after work for a cup of coffee>life's not as monotone >one of marie's friends starts coming in too>let's call her Nina >me and nina hang out at maries bar every day after work, banter, coffee, just>ff a bit >one day us 3 are all there >me and Nina had a few drinks, marie cant drink at work>me and nina go out for a smoke >as im pretty drunk i just blurt out sometime, just the two of us?>she says yes >ff 4 weeks >me and nina are now dating >heard nina say the words \"my boyfriend\" when talking to someone>\"my boyfriend\" >feelsgoodman >ff a few more weeks >nina says I love you while we're on a date>been a lonely piece of shit all my life\n>took 24 years but i finally feel loved <|endoftext|> |
>windows 7 that hasn't been updated >download pirated games from russian sites monthly>watch porn daily >do all my banking on the same computer living on the edge<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>10 years old\n>my mom just bought a cat\n>very cute and smol\n>black with white paws\n>fast foward 12 years more depressed>no matter how depressed I got I never cried\n>always felt like I had no valve to release my sadness\n>cute smol cat is now cute old cat\n>has always cheered me up to see her lying in my bed\n>would die for her\n>one day cat starts to behave different\n>doesnt eat, always tired\n>drive to vet\n>she has a kidney disease\n>vet told that she doesnt have long\n>after that it gets worse\n>I decided to euthanize her so she can go in peace\n>after the euthanasia I sit in my car\n>started crying for almost 1 hour\n>all the feelings inside me bursted out\n>really felt good <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>watch breaking bad for the first time\n>decide to try meth because they make it look and sound too delicious>get addicted\n>lose friends, family, gf, basicallt Is there any way i could sue the producers>decide to try meth lol you fucking idiot<|endoftext|> |
>be 19 yr old kv suicidal depressed neet\n>live with parents >unmarried sister gets preggers because of her bf and doesn't want the>kid is born, beautiful boy >she abandons him at parents home to pursue her dead end \u201cacting>parents, and i basically take care of >love him like my own son, he calls me papa >son grows up fine, i get warehouse job to have more money to make him happier>start jogging in the morning to have enough stamina to play with him\n>son is great at academics, gets As >start getting along better with my own parents since we're taking care of my son together>work harder and get promoted, more money to buy son toys >experience first hand what raising a child is like, love him >now am 36 yrs old kv with a managerial job at a shipping company >son has gone to univ this year >parents and i are very lonely with nothing to do all day >wait for son's call in the back of our heads all the time >sister is still struggling with her \"acting career\" (son calls her auntie Imao)>son is coming home for christmas >can't decide what to do to celebrate his first year at college >almost know for certain that if son hadn't been born, i would've probably jumped off a building to end my pathetic life<|endoftext|> |
>be me > 18yo > first blow job > feelsamazing > cums buckets in her mouth z > she swallows EIN ee > your cum tastes really bad anon> haha I know What have I done<|endoftext|> |
>be me >watch witcher with GF >Geralt takes of shirt >GF suddenly disappears somewhere >finally I have some alone time and can fap to this handsome fella<|endoftext|> |
>have you tried melatonin >have you tried sleeping pills? >it's because you drink too much >you just need to stop worrying >if you'd get on a routine\n>if you'd go to bed earlier <|endoftext|> |
>Be me\n>Sore throat\n>Go to doctor for checkup\n>Tonsillitis.jpg\n>Need to get tonsils removed\n>Knocked out for operation\n>Wake up high af\n>Nurse tells me I can have as many iceblocks as I want>Stay in hospital for a few days eating mostly iceblocks and chicken>Finally leave hospital after recovery\n>Later surgeons\n<|endoftext|> |
>Create Reddit account >Notice my arms start to get chubbier >Panic as my stomach begins to bulge >Waddle towards the door >Fingers are too fat to grab the handle >Body is getting fatter >Hair begins to grown on my neck >Clothes start to rip apart and fall to the floor >Skull starts to reshape, creating a fedora like form atop >\"Mom help me!\" >Mom enters the room >\"Anon, what's going on!?\" >\"I'm... I'm a big chungus!\" >Mom bursts into tears >I'm now a redditor <|endoftext|> |
>be me. 5'4\" 103lb straight guy>forever alone in \"friendzone\" because of my>6'4\" bear at work says he'll take me out for dinner because he can tell I'm down.>fast forward end of night I'm sucking his dick and he's telling me how hot I am>Never in life been told I'm hot <|endoftext|> |
>be me >cub scouts camping trip >its getting dark >scout master tells us to get wood n shit for a bonfire>go about 20 feet away from camp\n>see the perfect stick >grab it >its a rattlesnake tail >too retarded to run away >bring it over my head and swing it in circles>the snake can't come back and bite >shout for help >everyone comes >sees me using a snake like a lasso\n>kids laughing, adults shitting pants\n>tell me to hit the snake against a tree as hard as! can>hope it breaks its neck >whip its head at mach speed into the biggest tree I could find>head explodes >adults don't know whether to congratulate or punish me>other kids think I'm hardcore >mfw my nickname was snake charmer from then on<|endoftext|> |
>be me \u00a7 > dating girl> she reads Cosmo article about kinky d things to do in bed>\"1 - Give your partner's penis a sexy >I oblige > next day > things start getting steamy > hands rubbing everywhere > she is breathing heavily >I ask what nickname she wants to use\n> she calls my dick \"The Impaler\" > \"Tell me what you want baby\u201d > \"The Impaler. I need the Impaler! Give it to me!\"\n> she's breathing even heavier now > diamonds.jpeg >I start fucking her > her body is wriggling all over the place\n> cum within a minute > I roll off > her body goes limp > her breathing stops > realise I misheard what she was asking for\n> it turns out she was asthmatic > I'm the reason she died... <|endoftext|> |
>Be me >Best friend and I move into a house together\n>Neither of us have GFs >Fuck each other because it's better than masturbating\n>Decide to get married for tax benefits >Adopt a kid to be our little bro >One day while we fuck our balls touch >He doesnt stop and say \"no homo\" <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>\"depressed\u201d 12 year old >decide i want to kill myself >family getting ready to go to the beach >prepare my final plan >gets to beach >goes in water >screams \"goodbye forever\u201d >throws AA battery into the sea >mfw still alive >mfw my family are laughing at me for being retarded\n>mfw i probably am retarded\n<|endoftext|> |
>have gf >shes an autistic medical student >be autistic econ degree who posts on 4chan\n>she loves science and examines bacterial samples for fun>buy her a microscope for her birthday >we have sex later >cum on her stomach >\"wow anon that was great but i need to get up\"\n>think she didnt like the sex >she just wanted put my semen on a microscope slide>shes standing there naked examining my sperm under a microscope>we spend an hour examining my sperm and using stats to determine my fertility>she gets aroused by the sperm density >have sex again <|endoftext|> |
>get gf into powerlifting and martial arts to share my hobbies>she gets into it, but also starts doing athleticism>makes me run and cycle with her >today she made me run around >tomorrow she wants to jump off a bridge with me and swim to the other side of our local river>I'm really scared and I don't want to do it, but I will because I don't want to lose her respect<|endoftext|> |
>be me >be loser who drives a delivery van all >work is fucking boring as fuck >get new puppy >have idea >I will take puppy to work with me >Next day put puppy in van >Puppy sits shotgun all day, does not piss or poop in cab >Take puppy to park during lunch break >Puppy waits patiently while I make deliveries >Drive home >Realize work was fun with my little puppy buddy >Have never had this much enjoyment of work >Thank you puppy <|endoftext|> |
>don't own a car >walk to store >buy weekly groceries for $50 vs>buy car for $40,000 >buy insurance for $1500\n>pay $200 a month for gas\n>buy $120 costco membership\n>go to costco and spend $45\n>\"woah I'm so good with money, I just saved myself $5\" <|endoftext|> |
>Meet female friend (not gf, but I do have a mild crush on her) ina>decide to pay for both of us, because I have a well paid job>after we meed a few times she tells me she doesnt want me to pay for her, she>she wants to pay for me too instead\n>when I refuse and tell her she no income while I make 2.5k every month she gets pissed>well paid job >2500 a month <|endoftext|> |
>read the Iliad and the odyssey >decide to try living like the ancient 4 - >start eating lots of lamb,>sun my balls every day >start training more compounds, especially >start growing a beard >listen to meditterranean music >drink only cheap red wine >refer to myself in the 3rd person as \u201czorba\u201d >lifts skyrocket >interest from women skyrockets <|endoftext|> |
>mexican joins the server\n>turns on his mic\n>hear his mother yelling\n>baby crying\n>vacuum cleaner \u20193Keype _ WWWWRRRRRRIIINNNG>\"CAAAAASSSSOOOO CEEEERRRRRAAAAADOOOOOOO\">police sirens\n>dog barking\n<|endoftext|> |
>behind a slow ass fucking faggoty hearse in traffic>tooted my horn\n>eventually pulled up next to them at lights>child sized coffin >went home feeling like a fat piece of shit <|endoftext|> |
>go into Boots to buy toothbrush >see Stacey I went to school with working behind the counter>hatch plan >pick up a box of Durex Extra Large\n>she'll think I have a hung super cute bf\n>walk up to counter >not sure if she recognizes me >pay for the toothbrush and condoms\n>as i'm walking out the door, I hear her whisper to her co-worker>\"I think that tranny has a big dick\"\n>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>be me P >30 y/o now de : >grew up without a father \\ >mom used to make me dinner>begin to model my life after him in my 20s>have this thing where i ask myself \"what would mr hill do\" when important decisions come up>generally works out for me\n>saved me from some costly mistakes thru life\n>dedicate myself to working hard through my 20s\n>had plenty saved before covid\n>multiple high risk factora like asthma\n>able to go on extended leave without much to worry about>just bought a propane grill <|endoftext|> |
>go on tinder date last night >seemingly normal girl >decide to go get coffee pretty late >sit down >I ask \"so what do you do for a living?\" >\"so I actually don't have a job right now because advocating takes up a huge part of my time, I'ma<|endoftext|> |
>be me, 19\n>gets called cute, funny, smart\n>both my roommates are women\n>they wonder why I never had a gf * >never felt ready<|endoftext|> |
>be from ukraine >unironically use reddit >war is shit and stuff >make a picture of my morning view with ukrainian breakfast,>it gets removed for being >the entire subreddit is just about the war\n>99% of the people are westerners just talking about russia all day>they give each other awards for saying \"Fuck Putin\u2019>these people dont give a shit about ukrainne\n<|endoftext|> |
>Happy New Year's Eve, anon! So which lucky lady are you kissing at midnight?<|endoftext|> |
>dad buys 2015 Diesel Dodge Ram\n>6 months later says \"I think I'm gonna buy a new truck\">whatthefuck.jpeg\n>\"why you just got a new one\" >\"then why don't you make your 2015 last forever\"\n>says I don't understand vehicles\n>tfw he's over $70,000 in debt and doesn't understand why<|endoftext|> |
>In a gym bathroom\n>Brushing my teeth for whatever reason\n>finish up, spit water out >Violent loud sound >Like a thousand balloons rubbing together >Everyone stops and looks at >Nervously try to play it off >Casually say \u201cSqueaky clean boys.\u201d >Walk out of gym bathroom >Wake up\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >charming enough for girls to hang ' out with me>not charming enough for girls to >aware enough to realize that i >autistic enough to keep having in-depth conversations with her in my head<|endoftext|> |
>superglue GPS tracker to bicycle >leave it unlocked infront of my apartment >wait for people to steal it >chase them in my car, get out and kick their ass\n>take their wallets >repeat <|endoftext|> |
>be 17 in high school\n>used to crush on this girl in English class pretty hard>talk to her casually in class, never try anything>say hi to her and friends all go \"oo00000000!\"\n>one of them jokingly says \"this guy must have a huge dick since he's hitting on your right in front of>crush looks at me giggling, \u201cis it ttue Anon? Do you have a big dick?\">dontfuckthisup\n>\"Nah, that's just a rumor\"\n>Laughter stops for a second then turns into nervous laughter<|endoftext|> |
>walk by the den one day\n>computer is within view of the door>dad is on the computer, doesnt >viewing some creepshots of milfy news anchors thighs on google images>can see his has 3 other pages pushed to the side from other porn sites. He's viewing them all>chuckle, and walk away >week later I come in late at night, stoned like a cheating muslim women>dad is standing in the kitchen with a baggie from my stash>\"anon, just what the hell is this?\" >\"...well, I can tell you what its not.... a google search of your favorite news anchors thighs\u201d>dead silence hangs in the air, he gives me a nod and leaves the room>mfw >never speak about ethier incident again <|endoftext|> |
>he preordered?\n>slash the development budget\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be in preschool >Uncircumcised >Kid notices in bathroom >Later that day in a group with other boys and girls\n>Kid says my pee pee is different\n>Other kids want to see >Show them >They want to touch it >why not >Let them >They pull back my foreskin repeatedly and touch the head\n>Feelsgoodman.jpg >My pee pee gets bigger >One of the little girls screams >Female teacher comes over >ohshit >The kids' parents are informed <|endoftext|> |
>Buy fake prop money off Amazon>Looks real as fuck >Last night >Go to strip club >Pay for entry fee and drinks at >Spend all night drunk and paying strippers for private lap dances>It's dark and their drunk/high so they don't check to see \"For Motion Picture Use Only\">Spend over $4,000 in useless money in one night\n>All the strippers love me >Get to touch their boobs and asses >Feel like Chad for one night >Only costed $9.99 + tax <|endoftext|> |
>2 years ago \u2014 >watching movie with (at the time) \\ e- >scene where the main character>she looks at me and goes \"it must be weird to kiss your best friend\">\"yeah i guess\" >20 minutes of complete silence >she says \"i gotta go\" >she leaves and we never spoke again <|endoftext|> |
>be me 15 >Parents don't give a fuck about me, I have nothing to do, so I spend most of my time>One day at skate park, piss off some older dudes, my friends bail on me and I get>They take my wallet and snap my board\n>I'm walking home head hung low, ripped shirt broken board>Friends qt older sister is driving by and sees me>Pulls over >\"OMG anon what happened\" >We get there, she whipes blood off my face, starts telling me how mad she is that those>Starts to massage me >Boner activated >Hey anon why dont you take a shower and clean up your scrapes>I agree, she brings me to the bathroom, starts undressing me, her hand brushes on>Giggles, \"ooh anon, a little excited are we?\"\n>Tells me to get in the shower, tells me she'll be right back>Im washing off, see the door start to crack open>See eye peering in at me >Feeling bold, \"why dont you come join me you little slut\">Voice booms \"don't mind if I do!\" >Her dad runs in and fucks the shit out of my ass and then leaves me broken on the<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>learn about rule 34\n>if it exists there is porn of it>look up alien porn >mfw i just proved aliens <|endoftext|> |
>year 2020 >trump is re-elected\n>immediately declares war on Vietnam>Vietnam war 2.0 >be rice farmer in Vietnam >start hearing Lil Yaughty playing in the distance to the sounds of rotary engines>helicopters start flying over me >Gucci gang starts blasting from the helicopter speakers>whole fuckin area around me gets napalmed\n>choppers drop off enemy troops >get smoked by a 17 year old with a pickle Rick sticker on the side of his helmet>he does the Fortnite dance over my body then yeets me into a bush<|endoftext|> |
>Soldier posts on Facebook his exact location to his friends and fellow>Redditor posts the image on Reddit for updoots>Russian scrolling through the subreddit gets confirmation that Ukrainians are using>Russians shell every abandoned school in the area, massacring everybody<|endoftext|> |
>Be KIWI >BE A TASTY FUCK\n>FEEL LIKE FRESHLY SHAVED. PUSSY>BE GREEN LIKE SHREK\n>FULL OF VITAMINS\n>HEALTHY AF\n> TASTE OF ANGELS CUMMING IN YOUR MOUTH>FUCK ORANGES >Be ORANGE\n>BE A SWEET TANGY AND TASTY ASS MOTHER FUCKER>FEEL LIKE ADAMN FRUIT SHOULD FEEL AND NOT LIKE>BE ORANGE, LIKE A FUCKING ORANGE, UNLIKE KIWI WHO IS NIGGER ON THE>TASTE LIKE SUGAR MIXED WITH A 9000 VOLT BATTERY OF MANLINESS, NOT FAGGOTY>FUCK KIWIS, TINY ASS HAIRY NIGGER FRUIT <|endoftext|> |
>\"The biggest importer of Quebec maple syrup is the United States, which buys more than 60% of<|endoftext|> |
>make rigged casino\n>make it so slot machines have a 0% chance of paying out>make it a progressive jackpot worth millions upon billions of dollars>finally after all this time someone finds a >comes time to pay out but dont have nearly enough to do so, this scenario was never planned for, has to pay by>forced to sell the casino and everything in it\n>NOOOOOOOONOOOO0O0NNNNO00000000000C YOU PLAYED THE SLOT MACHINE WRONG YOU<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>be horny\n>want to stick my peepee into girl peepee>brightidea.webm\n>match with qt3.14 mexican girl\n>she does not speak english\n>use google translate to woo her\n>ff a week\n>we hang out\n>things are getting hot\n>use google to ask her to suck my peepee and if we can have sex>it works Thanks google<|endoftext|> |
>fixing notebook for a ~70 years old lady>comes, pays, asks about gaming tier GPUs for her desktop>little took back I inquire about the price range and what games,>nope, I play the Assasin >Assassin's creed? >yes, on my grandsons console, I just love Venice>she pauses >and killing people <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>think i'm an incel\n>realize i've never actually tried to seduce a girl>which makes me single by choice,\n>get Tinder, start watching pua shit\n>take care of myself, start having hobbies\n>ask some girls out\n>get rejected\n>now I'm officially an incel how do you do, fellow social retards<|endoftext|> |