Cordmail/reddit-ProgrammerHumor-test · Datasets at Hugging Face

instruction stringlengths 71 2.01k	output stringlengths 21 1.57k
Some people think, "I know, I'll use Java." Now they have a ProblemFactory.	Some people think, "I know, I'll use C." Segmentation Fault
Do other professions have this kind of problem? I mean do people go, "I took physics 1 and I dropped a ball off a roof, so I have a bit of an idea" "I once built a bridge out of toothpicks, so I have a bit of an idea on bridge design" "I once built a model rocket, so I have a bit of an idea"	Physicist here. We have the problem of people not understanding what we tell them. In fairness, we need to simplify things to explain them correctly so the public has a near-truth (or "lie") told to them. Even in undergraduate physics, we are working with approximations that are mostly true. Undergraduate QM? Yeah, that works great for low energy free particles. Guess what... the world is fully of high energy bound particles, the math is just much harder.
He didn't even wait for an ACK before he sent the joke. 3/10, would not laugh. (Unless he's using UDP, which case, I don't get the joke)	Packet loss is a bitch.
Hit the nail on the head with the theme, but this is the place I end up after googling something	I always click the stackoverflow result first when googling.
This gets progressively less insightful- the engineer is more likely to be upset about the components or restrictions he's dealing with which were passed up from a lower level engineer.	And, usually in my experience, the codebase and the managers are a bigger problem than the actual language used. Unless some insane person decided coding in malbolge was the company policy.
Doesn't look like a joke, looks like someone needs help on their homework. They should be hiring a tutor, not going this route.	They should probably be doing a number of things that they're not currently doing...
This reply has been closed due to having been deemed irrelevant by pedantic, tyrannical moderators.	It's like a website run by freenode channel operators.
I don't know what's worse, referencing the 'this' property of an object that you already have a reference to, or calling what is presumably a method without parenthesis (on an object with a terrible naming scheme, no less).	The icing on the cringe cake is the hyperlink cursor.
Here's the better version: if (you.understands(this)) { you.get(new GirlFriend("blonde", you.age)); }	if (you.understands(this)) { you.get(new GirlFriend("blonde", you.age - 5)); } FTFY
Well damn, my wife already knows programming. Now she has to get a GF too.	You guys can all share and have a great time. Remember sharing is caring!
Most of the world add's 7, not subtracts. But whatever floats you're boat, as long as you're over 50.	Hopefully the Girlfriend constructor has some bounds checking on the age parameter. I can only imagine what kind of bugs you'd get when you.age < 14...
if(you.understand(this)){ you.make_more_money_than_the_bros_who_created_this_ad(); you.can_sleep_at_night_knowing_youre_contributing_to_society_rather_than_just_create_ads_to_sell_more_products_which_is_a_shallow_existence_overall(); }	What if I'm a programmer at an ad agency?
What annoys me the most is that there's nothing to understand. It's a perfectly well written sentence that you can read out. If anything, if you actually apply the programmer logic, it makes less sense because I'm not EQUAL understanding this, so semantically it's just wrong. So I guess after all, it sort of is accurate. If you can't even understand a proper sentence like that, then you probably shouldn't get a girlfriend nor reproduce.	The ad is anti-intellectual, so I guess programmers aren't the target market, therefore the code-joke had to be painfully obvious. But I like to think the reason this code-joke is so shitty is that anyone who can improve it doesn't want to because it's anti-intellectual, insults programmers, and it's Axe. If I happened to work as a developer for the corporation that owns this brand, and if someone from marketing asked a favor of me to make sure there's no obvious mistake, I wouldn't.
I hate the you == as well. It should be you.understands(this), and I don't even like that method name still. And you.get(girlfriend) <_<	This is what happens when advertising people are allowed to meddle in code. Gotta wonder at how they produced the line, did they ask some poor programmer or did they manage to cook it up all on their own?
My feelings when learning Obj-C were "Square brackets. Square brackets everywhere."	I love Objective-C but I have to agree there's a LOT of brackets....
Those wacky encoders, always trying to pull a fast one. Or in this case maybe a slow one.	Depends if it's big endian or little endian
public VOID sandwich() returns an int... i'd rather get my lunch from something that compiles without error.	Not only that, but even if it were returning an int, the fact that bread == bacon is a bit concerning too...
I feel like haskell should be a square sat inside the vessel with no clear or obvious signs as to how it fit through the cap. Given that you define what the result should be, not the method, nor how fast it should get there. All you really know is that you've defined it to make X result, and that the compiler will work some voodoo and sacrifice a goat on your behalf to make it happen.	And there is no reliable way to learn monads without already knowing them.
Set something to recompile repeatedly while you just sit there and chuckle at the screen.	With your log levels set to maximum of course. Got to make it look 'realistic'.
Also looks like Person.consume(cup) could mean not only drinking but actually consuming the whole thing.	That depends on implementation.
I'd really like to know how Randall is so consistent with the quality of his content. Does he have a whole team of people with funny nerd joke ideas? Is he the Mozart of nerds?	I'd bet that readers send him ideas all the time at this point. He probably has days where he has a boatload of ideas and he just rights them down for future use.
This is pretty much the opposite of seeing fake source code/hacking in a movie. She's seeing real "code" (console output/warnings) and thinking it's much more grandiose.	But those poor children wrapped up in that block. :( Won't someone think of the children for div element?!
I used to work on a product that handled SMS messages with a user-arranged series of "handlers" (add someone to a subscription, reply back with an SMS, wait for a response etc.). You'd chain the handlers together so they could be either a parent or a child (or both). Of course you could also disable some of the handlers that you'd decided you no longer needed. This lead to "disabled_child_handler" being a part of some of our URLs which I and the rest of the development team thought was perfectly logical, but some of our clients found it questionable.	There is no way I could have legitimately typed that out with a straight face, without shooting my coworkers a look.
Hah! I switched to jQuerry, and lost 10 lbs, even during the holidays!	did you also save a bunch of money on your car insurance?
A rose is but a rose, by any other name. But Java without the bloat? I cannot conceive of such a thing.	Quote of the mother fucking day.
"Deary, I was telling my friend Sally-May about your new job at the coffee store, and she was so thrilled for you." Yet another reason to hate Java.	"I hear you've been doing PHP. I'm very concerned about you. You never seemed to be one to do drugs like that!"
"I hear you've been doing PHP. I'm very concerned about you. You never seemed to be one to do drugs like that!"	"You're doing what? ASP? Don't they have medicines for that?"
This would be a whole lot funnier to me if we hadn't had like 30 people come though interviews like this. The number of people who apply for development jobs with no programming knowledge blows me away.	I know for loop, printf, if and ==. Can I haz a job?
What does an employer expect when they ask the FizzBuzz question in a way only completely unambiguous to someone who knows the FizzBuzz question? Why not just say "hey, can you do fizzbuzz?"	For someone who has no idea what fizzbuzz is, what this person did is not an unreasonable interpretation of the instructions. Technical interviews are often full of arbitrary seemingly unrelated questions brought on by interviewers who think they're being clever so it's hard to figure out what they actually want out of it. It only looks stupid when you know what fizzbuzz is and fill the unwritten instructions in mentally. So in the end it's pretty much asking "Do you know what fizzbuzz is well enough to fill in the missing instructions?"
What is really brilliant here, aside of the naive (yet perfect) answer, is the ordering of the results in columns that highlights the pattern of this algorithm	I hope the interviewer thought the same way. From what I understand, my friend doesn't feel too good about the way it went.
Knowing tax vendor software, it would probably look more like this: check(); check(); check();	check1(); check2(); check3(); Of course the same code has been copy-pasted into each of those.
check1(); check2(); check3(); Of course the same code has been copy-pasted into each of those.	try { check("1"); } catch { check(" 1"); check("one"); check(""); } try { check((int) "2"); } catch {} try { check((String) 3); } catch { check("3"); } I've seen some shit.
try { check("1"); } catch { check(" 1"); check("one"); check(""); } try { check((int) "2"); } catch {} try { check((String) 3); } catch { check("3"); } I've seen some shit.	Your code might throw an exception. I suggest you put a try-catch around everything.
He's not ready. He should upgrade to excel before asking for a schoolership.	Yeah, Excel is way better for making a Minecraft clone than PowerPoint is. Just look at all the squares Excel has to offer!
find . -name '*.less' -delete This way you won't accidentally delete `JenniferLawrenceTopless.jpg`.	Don't worry. He probably keeps it in "~/porn/Jennifer Lawrence" and the space will protect it from rm.
# What follows is a public service announcement from People for the Improvement of Unix Knowledge. &nbsp; ## ```tar -xf some_tarball``` will work for any of tar's supported compression algorithms on modern systems. #&nbsp; This has been a public service announcement from PIUK.	And by modern systems, you mean even decade old (maybe more?) systems.
From personal experience I found the Windows 8 setup and 8.1 upgrade setup to be of the easiest and most painless install processes I've ever encountered. That said, Windows 8.1 is a nightmare of UI inconsistencies, bugs and generally bad design. It looks nice but it went way overboard and the usability suffered.	It's the usual problem with monolithic, easy-to-use gui-heavy software: If it just works, great, if it doesn't, you're fucked.
All programmers I know press the Save shortcut every time they are interrupted	Every person should make this a habit, though. It's always such a facepalm moment when people lose 1hr+ of work on word documents / spreadsheets because the power went out and they didn't save their work at any point.
"Aww, what a cute dog! What's his name?" "Correcthorsebatterystaple" "O-oh. Okay..."	But are you sure your nephew will remember this? Already memorised.
If you think that's bad, read about parent (processes) reaping their zombie children.	That's more metal than a bare metal hypervisor.
To which I reply: why do pencils have erasers, don't you know how to write?	Why do we need all that fire security system, shouldn't a good building not burn?
A programmer friend of mine ran into a problem with this at his wedding reception. He'd done this whole seating chart for the guests with the tables numbered 0 (the head table) through 10. The people managing the venue saw that the largest table number was 10 and only gave him 10 tables.	Damn off-by-two errors!
Accurate except it's missing the guy who steps out in front of the car to say "Hey bud, sorry to bug you, but did you get a chance to look at my email?"	I hate that guy! Don't forget the one who keeps telling you to use a different tire right before you finish putting the last lug on.
All of his environment variables were gone. What could it mean? Stanley decided to go to the System32 directory. Perhaps he had simply missed an error message.	Stanley knew very well this was a Windows system and entering `sudo` would result only in another syntax error, so he cleared the console and began to type out `cd C:\WINDOWS\System32`.
And if your app was written in Javascript there would have been a lot of `NaNNaNNaNNaNNaNNaNNaN`s	There's a Linux penguin joke here but I'm not clever enough to think of a good one.
EVERY TIME. Want to open a single file and already have Visual Studio running? Let me start you up a whole new instance.	I just found the most amazing thing, somewhat related, perhaps not a lot but I thought it was awesome so... You can run emacs --daemon on login and then run emacsclient -c to connect to it. Alias that shit up and you got emacs up and running in literally almost no time every file you open.
I wish I could fix my code by turning it of and on again. Not that I don't try 7 or 8 times before actually debugging.	Quick, recompile! It can't be my code!
This is what happens when you let the programmers write your error messages.	Yeah, this is what happens when you expect programmers to think about the user.
Its fun to joke about open source being a garage-spare-time-clobbered-together-mess-of-parts. But in reality in today's market Linux is a basically going on line and ordering a built our spec boxer motor from Porche. Half your friends don't believe your running a 500 horse power Porche engine, the other half of your friends can't believe you went though all the trouble of measuring and specing out all your engine's mount points. The few friends who undeterred so far, as where you got your transmission from. Which you respond there is a group called GNU who just make literally thousands of drive trains that can fit every conceivable car and truck on the market. Now the few people remaining, suggest that since your drive train was free, it must be crappy. But no, GNU drive trains and transmission are some of the best in the world. They have almost total market dominance but they go on raving about "Driver Freedoms" so much most people ignore them.	It's definitely come a long way in terms of user friendliness, but it's still not where it should be to get many more people to switch. Wifi is an absolute necessity these days, and as anyone who likes to play with different distros can attest to, getting Wifi to properly work can be a nightmare. Once the devs can figure out a way to get qualcom cards to finally always play nice out of the box, Linux will get a much larger market share. And once video drivers and opengl on Linux starts to stack up to directx, I won't use Windows at all anymore. I'm looking at you, valve.
I can so relate to this... it is indeed painful to watch through the end	Made me laugh and cry at the same time...
So out of curiosity, did anyone ever stumble on a question marked like this, which saved them tons of person hours? :P	More times than I can count.
This is why our school stipulates that you can change your (auto-generated) username if it's offensive.	That sounds like a good way to end up with more inappropriate usernames.
At my university, our IDs are first initial, middle initial, then the first five letters of your last name. If you don't have a middle name then is's six letters of your last name. If a duplicate appears then a letter is taken off your last name and replaced with a number. There was a girl who had a name like Shannon Lynn Avery, and her ID was unfortunately slavery. slavery@university.edu. She never got it changed...	happened at CMU (carnegie mellon) as well. Slavery@andrew.cmu.edu
Using De Morgan's law: !(Bruce \|\| Jordan) !Bruce && !Jordan So this is only for people who are not named Bruce and not named Jordan? Which means this is in an apartment with three or more people, where there is at least one Bruce and at least one Jordan. The only logical conclusion is that the apartment must be in Australia.	And here I was thinking I'd never De Morgan's law outside of undergrad hardware classes for my CS degree.
Even without that mistake this sucks. If your ideal candidate needs their primary language described to them, what kind of job are you hiring for?	They describe it just in case a potential applicant has yet another name for JavaScript.
Yeah, thats... that's great. You know, could you wait here for just a bit. No, no need to get up. I just need to grab my stabbin' knife. Be right back.	Hold it! Hold it! I would never write deprecated OpenGL, and I would never indent code like that! You've got the wrong person!
Chart was clearly made by someone who can't code in Asm, C, or C++. I also call shenanigans on the Java results.	The Java result is obviously not the finished shelf but a library which provides an AbstractShelfFactory.
This sounds like a great interview technique. It's much better than asking the candidate to whiteboard-diagram some obscure logic problem while all of the hiring managers sit and stare at him.	The only time I've used a whiteboard in an interview was to help me explain a previous project. Never had to demonstrate my skills via whiteboard - closest I've got to is doing small diagrams on a written test. Several of my interviews have included writing some basic code - it's a pretty good way of checking someone can actually code, and see how they go about a problem... or in the case of that one, to see if someone checks for runtime errors (program was a digital + analogue clock, and the digital clock had the mins and hours swapped).
The excel one I understand though, there is some crazy stuff you can do in excel, especially with pivot tables and macros. Understanding that kind of stuff does prove valuable on a team.	Considering I've taken care of all of my finances for years in nothing but Excel, I agree. That thing is a real power tool.
HR: YOU HAVE TOO MUCH EXPERIENCE OMG. Programmer: LOL THIS GUY THINKS HE KNOWS JAVA	I guess I didn't know as much about the static keyword as I first thought
Obviously this should be if (guest.UserDefined6 != "" && guest.UserDefined6 != "") { }	Or If(guest.UserDefined6 != "" && guest.Userdefined6 != "" \|\| guest.Userfined6 != ""){ }
Not pictured: He goes home, but the build is broken. The other programmers revert his changes. Tomorrow he comes in and figures out he didn't actually solve the central problem, and quietly modifies his changes to match. He somehow winds up with a raise.	Coding is easy, building software is hard.
We'd onboarded a new dev and went through his first code review. I reassured him by saying "That feeling you have right now, like we were overly nitpicky? Save it. Keep it. Use it when it's time to review OUR code. Then get payback."	That's the way it should be. If you start letting small things go, your codebase quickly becomes a mess.
Because you don't have the Direction class, which extends Directions boi	Well clearly she didn't get it because it wouldn't compile.
Well, isn't it impressive that an individual does the work of a whole team of developers...? I think it is.	It's like single threaded vs multithreaded apps. It's really easy when you don't have to deal with locking, semaphores, race conditions, or any of a hundred other things that concurrency imposes.
It's like single threaded vs multithreaded apps. It's really easy when you don't have to deal with locking, semaphores, race conditions, or any of a hundred other things that concurrency imposes.	Just use atomic transactions then :)
We just want a mobile version of our existing web platform! Everything is already done, it's just porting it to an app.	Just port it to iOS how much different can it be from Android?
Yo momma so fat, she processed a cake in 1 byte. Yo momma so fat, her nickname is "wide character" Yo momma so fat, they tried to wrap a string around her waist, but it passed INT_MAX. Yo momma so fat, she compresses files by stepping on them. Yo momma so fat, they widened the address bus just so she can fit. Yo momma so fat, she eats her spam emails.	Note to self: "waist" != "waste"
Using Bing to suggest someone needs to buy self-help books is the definition of irony.	or its another subtle jab based on knowing the audience.
How do you generate a random string? Put a first year CS student in vim and tell them to exit.	I think that might skew towards Q's and C's
I had an experience where we had outsourced some work to another country for all the usual wrong reasons (it's a lot cheaper, so if it turns out they are no good we can always hire more etc.). Anyway, a colleague of mine spent incredibly long time explaining one of our new "colleagues" why his threaded code had serious issues with lack of synchronization and explaining in details the basics of concurrency etc. At one point we received some code which had a call to sleep(1). Again my colleague explained very patiently why this was not working and the details of locks, mutexes etc. Removed the call to sleep and asked our new "colleague" to fix it for real. The next day the call to sleep had been reintroduced with the explanation "But if we remove this line the code doesn't work". Lots of facepalm at that time and something we still joke about today. (And it was actually part of the reason we could convince management to rethink the outsourcing strategy).	Outsourcing only make sense if you simplify software engineering to the point where programmers are just laborers that produce text.
I hate programs that do this. I clicked 'X', that means die not hide somewhere.	I hate background programs taking up space in the task panel. I often an running multiple programs, and there's no need to add more clutter. I really like it when an app will "minimize to notification area" and I make heavy use of that. On Linux, Spotify will autohide to notification area on 'X', but on Windows just minimizes - that sucks
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Instead of saying 'coder', she said 'encoder'. It's the difference between saying "I'm a writer" and "I'm a pen".	Yup. That's a better way of putting it.
I can't help but feel the jokes on him and that he's arguing with a bot.	Nah, her (their?) responses are actually relevant to what he's saying
Haha me neither! We should be friends on cam.me/ritaLovesYou, it doesn't even cost that much to subscribe!	lol. I'm single and luv 2 chat.
Welcome. Just wait until Sales promises the impossible to the client then comes to your team saying it has to be done because it's in their contract.	Oh god, this is my life
Should be: \| What we say \| What we mean \| \|-\|-\| \| I can't read this Perl script \| I didn't write this Perl script \| \| I can't read this Perl script \| I wrote this Perl script \| :-)	\| What we say \| What we mean \| \|-\|-\| \| I can't read this Perl script \| This script is written in Perl \|
And, more often than not, a "temporary workaround" is actually more of a permanent one.	* Temporary Workaround: Horrible hack that I wrote and refuse to fix.
* Temporary Workaround: Horrible hack that I wrote and refuse to fix.	I don't think many of us would actively refuse to re-write a shitty piece of code...it's just that time/budgets don't allow for it.
I watch competitive CS:GO on twitch using half of one of my monitors in plain sight of my other coworkers (one of which watches LoL full-screened on a 24" monitor). My boss doesn't care as long as I'm getting stuff done. :)	Agreed. People who get shit done don't have to worry about this.
*people who get shit done and have flexible/relaxed bosses and coworkers don't have to worry about this	Yeah, my previous boss would've bitched, yet everything was always done.
Just repeating something from other places: This was a planed demolition; these types of bridges are safe.	Yep, it's a joke, this was a scheduled demolition
We should use "scheduled demolition" as an euphemism for making amendments to working code.	That's what deployment should be called.
That's not an MD5 specific issue. This could be done with every saltless hash.	And to be honest, I don't see anyone that understands security well enough to know what MD5 is to not also know to use a salt.
If you get a bsod from that then something is very wrong with your computer.	Clear your %temp% folder, turn it off, turn it on again.
This is exactly why the UI/UX team where I work exists. Every time I try to make something myself, it's the absolute most functional thing I can think of with zero regard for aesthetics. Why do I need fancy collapsible UI elements when 99% of computers can scroll?	Just pretend that it's really stylized to be contemporary minimalist. White background. A few black objects. Turn dark grey on hover. Everything in courier new. One logo with a tiny spot of colour at the very bottom. Everything else static.
I have a text file called "errors". I output "error: 17384" or similar. In the text file I have "E:17384 - This cunting piece of shit can go literally fuck itself if it thinks it's overflowing here. I will reign down in a godly fire-storm on this mother-fucker. This thing will need a binding resolution from the UN to keep me from the hate crimes I'm about to commit on this PIECE OF *FUCK*." Clients never see anything other than Error: 17384	Hm, pretty good. Is there a way to automate the code lookup though? Seems labor intensive.
In the end user's defense there are some horrifyingly counter intuitive interfaces out there.	And that's why every UI improvement is met with massive complaints. We're used to jumping through hoops, so good UI feels wrong because we spend all our time looking for the hoops.
Technically, since you get "INTEGER OVERFLOW" in red rather than a negative number or crash, then yes they did foresee the situation.	You are technically right. The best kind of right.
I love writing documentation. My job requires me to write solutions to common problems we face while developing a large web application. I love finding the solution, writing it in a way that can be reused on many places and make the life of my coworkers and everyone who might use the code easier. Not harder. Documentation allows me to inform people (including myself in 3 months) what the methods do, what they expect and what to expect from them. Our code base is around 60% code, 40% documentation. And I love it.	Yeah, it's awesome. Some devs complain about nobody appreciating their code. Well, when I see some stuff I need, and I read the docs, and I understand it, and I can use it without problem: that's beautiful. It must be done.
Even when hacking the planet, you need to use jQuery. It really does do everything.	Is there ever a time to not use jQuery?
We have so many registers and so much memory, why not? It'd be a shame if any of them needed to be empty.	static int IsNegative (float arg) { return (arg < 0); } ?
Without further context, "forcing all its children to be wrapped in a block" does sound scary. I never noticed that.	"a parent may kill it's children"
This is a rare sight. A user that actually reads error messages and on-screen prompts. Amazing.	I hope someone actually explained what it was to them. If they've taken the time to read what it says, maybe they might have been interested once they knew what it was.
Out of memory: Kill process 3159 (firefox) score 100 or sacrifice child	That's a pretty high stakes game of Pong...
I hope someone actually explained what it was to them. If they've taken the time to read what it says, maybe they might have been interested once they knew what it was.	Yeah! This is how computer nerds are born, it's a beautiful thing.
Your tests should always fail first, because you write your tests before you write your code. If you write your tests after your code, you run the risk of your test validating bad code.	The TDD is strong in this one.
I had a conversation with a guy from another office in our building while we were eating lunch the other day and when I asked what he does he said he's a programmer. Cool, what language(s) do you program in I asked. He said "java or javascript or whatever it's called, and sometimes c++, and once in a while c."	That probably goes well.
Why use full words for function names when you can just use a single letter?	or foo bar baz bez foz

Some people think, "I know, I'll use Java." Now they have a ProblemFactory.

Some people think, "I know, I'll use C." Segmentation Fault

Do other professions have this kind of problem? I mean do people go, "I took physics 1 and I dropped a ball off a roof, so I have a bit of an idea" "I once built a bridge out of toothpicks, so I have a bit of an idea on bridge design" "I once built a model rocket, so I have a bit of an idea"

Physicist here. We have the problem of people not understanding what we tell them. In fairness, we need to simplify things to explain them correctly so the public has a near-truth (or "lie") told to them. Even in undergraduate physics, we are working with approximations that are mostly true. Undergraduate QM? Yeah, that works great for low energy free particles. Guess what... the world is fully of high energy bound particles, the math is just much harder.

He didn't even wait for an ACK before he sent the joke. 3/10, would not laugh. (Unless he's using UDP, which case, I don't get the joke)

Packet loss is a bitch.

Hit the nail on the head with the theme, but this is the place I end up after googling something

I always click the stackoverflow result first when googling.

This gets progressively less insightful- the engineer is more likely to be upset about the components or restrictions he's dealing with which were passed up from a lower level engineer.

And, usually in my experience, the codebase and the managers are a bigger problem than the actual language used. Unless some insane person decided coding in malbolge was the company policy.

Doesn't look like a joke, looks like someone needs help on their homework. They should be hiring a tutor, not going this route.

They should probably be doing a number of things that they're not currently doing...

*This reply has been closed due to having been deemed irrelevant by pedantic, tyrannical moderators.*

It's like a website run by freenode channel operators.

I don't know what's worse, referencing the 'this' property of an object that you already have a reference to, or calling what is presumably a method without parenthesis (on an object with a terrible naming scheme, no less).

The icing on the cringe cake is the hyperlink cursor.

Here's the better version: if (you.understands(this)) { you.get(new GirlFriend("blonde", you.age)); }

if (you.understands(this)) { you.get(new GirlFriend("blonde", you.age - 5)); } FTFY

Well damn, my wife already knows programming. Now she has to get a GF too.

You guys can all share and have a great time. Remember sharing is caring!

Most of the world add's 7, not subtracts. But whatever floats you're boat, as long as you're over 50.

Hopefully the Girlfriend constructor has some bounds checking on the age parameter. I can only imagine what kind of bugs you'd get when you.age < 14...

if(you.understand(this)){ you.make_more_money_than_the_bros_who_created_this_ad(); you.can_sleep_at_night_knowing_youre_contributing_to_society_rather_than_just_create_ads_to_sell_more_products_which_is_a_shallow_existence_overall(); }

What if I'm a programmer at an ad agency?

What annoys me the most is that there's nothing to understand. It's a perfectly well written sentence that you can read out. If anything, if you actually apply the programmer logic, it makes less sense because I'm not EQUAL understanding this, so semantically it's just wrong. So I guess after all, it sort of is accurate. If you can't even understand a proper sentence like that, then you probably shouldn't get a girlfriend nor reproduce.

The ad is anti-intellectual, so I guess programmers aren't the target market, therefore the code-joke had to be painfully obvious. But I like to think the reason this code-joke is so shitty is that anyone who can improve it doesn't want to because it's anti-intellectual, insults programmers, and it's Axe. If I happened to work as a developer for the corporation that owns this brand, and if someone from marketing asked a favor of me to make sure there's no obvious mistake, I wouldn't.

I hate the you == as well. It should be you.understands(this), and I don't even like that method name still. And you.get(girlfriend) <_<

This is what happens when advertising people are allowed to meddle in code. Gotta wonder at how they produced the line, did they ask some poor programmer or did they manage to cook it up all on their own?

My feelings when learning Obj-C were "Square brackets. Square brackets everywhere."

I love Objective-C but I have to agree there's a LOT of brackets....

Those wacky encoders, always trying to pull a fast one. Or in this case maybe a slow one.

Depends if it's big endian or little endian

public VOID sandwich() returns an int... i'd rather get my lunch from something that compiles without error.

Not only that, but even if it were returning an int, the fact that bread == bacon is a bit concerning too...

I feel like haskell should be a square sat inside the vessel with no clear or obvious signs as to how it fit through the cap. Given that you define what the result should be, not the method, nor how fast it should get there. All you really know is that you've defined it to make X result, and that the compiler will work some voodoo and sacrifice a goat on your behalf to make it happen.

And there is no reliable way to learn monads without already knowing them.

Set something to recompile repeatedly while you just sit there and chuckle at the screen.

With your log levels set to maximum of course. Got to make it look 'realistic'.

Also looks like Person.consume(cup) could mean not only drinking but actually consuming the whole thing.

That depends on implementation.

I'd really like to know how Randall is so consistent with the quality of his content. Does he have a whole team of people with funny nerd joke ideas? Is he the Mozart of nerds?

I'd bet that readers send him ideas all the time at this point. He probably has days where he has a boatload of ideas and he just rights them down for future use.

This is pretty much the opposite of seeing fake source code/hacking in a movie. She's seeing real "code" (console output/warnings) and thinking it's much more grandiose.

But those poor children wrapped up in that block. :( Won't someone think of the children for div element?!

I used to work on a product that handled SMS messages with a user-arranged series of "handlers" (add someone to a subscription, reply back with an SMS, wait for a response etc.). You'd chain the handlers together so they could be either a parent or a child (or both). Of course you could also disable some of the handlers that you'd decided you no longer needed. This lead to "disabled_child_handler" being a part of some of our URLs which I and the rest of the development team thought was perfectly logical, but some of our clients found it questionable.

There is no way I could have legitimately typed that out with a straight face, without shooting my coworkers a look.

Hah! I switched to jQuerry, and lost 10 lbs, even during the holidays!

did you also save a bunch of money on your car insurance?

A rose is but a rose, by any other name. But Java without the bloat? I cannot conceive of such a thing.

Quote of the mother fucking day.

"Deary, I was telling my friend Sally-May about your new job at the coffee store, and she was so thrilled for you." Yet another reason to hate Java.

"I hear you've been doing PHP. I'm very concerned about you. You never seemed to be one to do drugs like that!"

"You're doing what? ASP? Don't they have medicines for that?"

This would be a whole lot funnier to me if we hadn't had like 30 people come though interviews like this. The number of people who apply for development jobs with no programming knowledge blows me away.

I know for loop, printf, if and ==. Can I haz a job?

What does an employer expect when they ask the FizzBuzz question in a way only completely unambiguous to someone who knows the FizzBuzz question? Why not just say "hey, can you do fizzbuzz?"

For someone who has no idea what fizzbuzz is, what this person did is not an unreasonable interpretation of the instructions. Technical interviews are often full of arbitrary seemingly unrelated questions brought on by interviewers who think they're being clever so it's hard to figure out what they actually want out of it. It only looks stupid when you know what fizzbuzz is and fill the unwritten instructions in mentally. So in the end it's pretty much asking "Do you know what fizzbuzz is well enough to fill in the missing instructions?"

What is really brilliant here, aside of the naive (yet perfect) answer, is the ordering of the results in columns that highlights the pattern of this algorithm

I hope the interviewer thought the same way. From what I understand, my friend doesn't feel too good about the way it went.

Knowing tax vendor software, it would probably look more like this: check(); check(); check();

check1(); check2(); check3(); Of course the same code has been copy-pasted into each of those.

try { check("1"); } catch { check(" 1"); check("one"); check(""); } try { check((int) "2"); } catch {} try { check((String) 3); } catch { check("3"); } I've seen some shit.

Your code might throw an exception. I suggest you put a try-catch around everything.

He's not ready. He should upgrade to excel before asking for a schoolership.

Yeah, Excel is way better for making a Minecraft clone than PowerPoint is. Just look at all the squares Excel has to offer!

find . -name '*.less' -delete This way you won't accidentally delete `JenniferLawrenceTopless.jpg`.

Don't worry. He probably keeps it in "~/porn/Jennifer Lawrence" and the space will protect it from rm.

# What follows is a public service announcement from People for the Improvement of Unix Knowledge. &nbsp; ## ```tar -xf some_tarball``` will work for *any* of tar's supported compression algorithms on modern systems. #&nbsp; This has been a public service announcement from PIUK.

And by modern systems, you mean even decade old (maybe more?) systems.

From personal experience I found the Windows 8 setup and 8.1 upgrade setup to be of the easiest and most painless install processes I've ever encountered. That said, Windows 8.1 is a nightmare of UI inconsistencies, bugs and generally bad design. It looks nice but it went way overboard and the usability suffered.

It's the usual problem with monolithic, easy-to-use gui-heavy software: If it just works, great, if it doesn't, you're fucked.

All programmers I know press the Save shortcut every time they are interrupted

Every person should make this a habit, though. It's always such a facepalm moment when people lose 1hr+ of work on word documents / spreadsheets because the power went out and they didn't save their work at any point.

"Aww, what a cute dog! What's his name?" "Correcthorsebatterystaple" "O-oh. Okay..."

But are you sure your nephew will remember this? Already memorised.

If you think that's bad, read about parent (processes) reaping their zombie children.

That's more metal than a bare metal hypervisor.

To which I reply: why do pencils have erasers, don't you know how to write?

Why do we need all that fire security system, shouldn't a good building not burn?

A programmer friend of mine ran into a problem with this at his wedding reception. He'd done this whole seating chart for the guests with the tables numbered 0 (the head table) through 10. The people managing the venue saw that the largest table number was 10 and only gave him 10 tables.

Damn off-by-two errors!

Accurate except it's missing the guy who steps out in front of the car to say "Hey bud, sorry to bug you, but did you get a chance to look at my email?"

I hate that guy! Don't forget the one who keeps telling you to use a different tire right before you finish putting the last lug on.

All of his environment variables were gone. What could it mean? Stanley decided to go to the System32 directory. Perhaps he had simply missed an error message.

Stanley knew very well this was a Windows system and entering `sudo` would result only in another syntax error, so he cleared the console and began to type out `cd C:\WINDOWS\System32`.

And if your app was written in Javascript there would have been a lot of `NaNNaNNaNNaNNaNNaNNaN`s

There's a Linux penguin joke here but I'm not clever enough to think of a good one.

EVERY TIME. Want to open a single file and already have Visual Studio running? Let me start you up a whole new instance.

I just found the most amazing thing, somewhat related, perhaps not a lot but I thought it was awesome so... You can run emacs --daemon on login and then run emacsclient -c to connect to it. Alias that shit up and you got emacs up and running in literally almost no time every file you open.

I wish I could fix my code by turning it of and on again. Not that I don't try 7 or 8 times before actually debugging.

Quick, recompile! It can't be my code!

This is what happens when you let the programmers write your error messages.

Yeah, this is what happens when you expect programmers to think about the user.

Its fun to joke about open source being a garage-spare-time-clobbered-together-mess-of-parts. But in reality in today's market Linux is a basically going on line and ordering a built our spec boxer motor from Porche. Half your friends don't believe your running a 500 horse power Porche engine, the other half of your friends can't believe you went though all the trouble of measuring and specing out all your engine's mount points. The few friends who undeterred so far, as where you got your transmission from. Which you respond there is a group called GNU who just make literally thousands of drive trains that can fit every conceivable car and truck on the market. Now the few people remaining, suggest that since your drive train was free, it must be crappy. But no, GNU drive trains and transmission are some of the best in the world. They have almost total market dominance but they go on raving about "Driver Freedoms" so much most people ignore them.

It's definitely come a long way in terms of user friendliness, but it's still not where it should be to get many more people to switch. Wifi is an absolute necessity these days, and as anyone who likes to play with different distros can attest to, getting Wifi to properly work can be a nightmare. Once the devs can figure out a way to get qualcom cards to finally always play nice out of the box, Linux will get a much larger market share. And once video drivers and opengl on Linux starts to stack up to directx, I won't use Windows at all anymore. I'm looking at you, valve.

I can *so* relate to this... it is indeed painful to watch through the end

Made me laugh and cry at the same time...

So out of curiosity, did anyone ever stumble on a question marked like this, which saved them tons of person hours? :P

More times than I can count.

This is why our school stipulates that you can change your (auto-generated) username if it's offensive.

That sounds like a good way to end up with *more* inappropriate usernames.

At my university, our IDs are first initial, middle initial, then the first five letters of your last name. If you don't have a middle name then is's six letters of your last name. If a duplicate appears then a letter is taken off your last name and replaced with a number. There was a girl who had a name like Shannon Lynn Avery, and her ID was unfortunately slavery. slavery@university.edu. She never got it changed...

happened at CMU (carnegie mellon) as well. Slavery@andrew.cmu.edu

Using De Morgan's law: !(Bruce || Jordan) !Bruce && !Jordan So this is only for people who are not named Bruce and not named Jordan? Which means this is in an apartment with three or more people, where there is at least one Bruce and at least one Jordan. The only logical conclusion is that the apartment must be in Australia.

And here I was thinking I'd never De Morgan's law outside of undergrad hardware classes for my CS degree.

Even without that mistake this sucks. If your ideal candidate needs their primary language described to them, what kind of job are you hiring for?

They describe it just in case a potential applicant has yet another name for JavaScript.

Yeah, thats... that's great. You know, could you wait here for just a bit. No, no need to get up. I just need to grab my stabbin' knife. Be right back.

Hold it! Hold it! I would never write deprecated OpenGL, and I would *never* indent code like that! You've got the wrong person!

Chart was clearly made by someone who can't code in Asm, C, or C++. I also call shenanigans on the Java results.

The Java result is obviously not the finished shelf but a library which provides an AbstractShelfFactory.

This sounds like a great interview technique. It's much better than asking the candidate to whiteboard-diagram some obscure logic problem while all of the hiring managers sit and stare at him.

The only time I've used a whiteboard in an interview was to help me explain a previous project. Never had to demonstrate my skills via whiteboard - closest I've got to is doing small diagrams on a written test. Several of my interviews have included writing some basic code - it's a pretty good way of checking someone can actually code, and see how they go about a problem... or in the case of that one, to see if someone checks for runtime errors (program was a digital + analogue clock, and the digital clock had the mins and hours swapped).

The excel one I understand though, there is some crazy stuff you can do in excel, especially with pivot tables and macros. Understanding that kind of stuff does prove valuable on a team.

Considering I've taken care of all of my finances for years in nothing but Excel, I agree. That thing is a real power tool.

HR: YOU HAVE TOO MUCH EXPERIENCE OMG. Programmer: LOL THIS GUY THINKS HE KNOWS JAVA

I guess I didn't know as much about the static keyword as I first thought

Obviously this should be if (guest.UserDefined6 != "" && guest.UserDefined6 != "") { }

Or If(guest.UserDefined6 != "" && guest.Userdefined6 != "" || guest.Userfined6 != ""){ }

Not pictured: He goes home, but the build is broken. The other programmers revert his changes. Tomorrow he comes in and figures out he didn't actually solve the central problem, and quietly modifies his changes to match. He somehow winds up with a raise.

Coding is easy, building software is hard.

We'd onboarded a new dev and went through his first code review. I reassured him by saying "That feeling you have right now, like we were overly nitpicky? Save it. Keep it. Use it when it's time to review OUR code. Then get payback."

That's the way it should be. If you start letting small things go, your codebase quickly becomes a mess.

Because you don't have the Direction class, which extends Directions boi

Well clearly she didn't get it because it wouldn't compile.

Well, isn't it impressive that an individual does the work of a whole team of developers...? I think it is.

It's like single threaded vs multithreaded apps. It's really easy when you don't have to deal with locking, semaphores, race conditions, or any of a hundred other things that concurrency imposes.

Just use atomic transactions then :)

We just want a mobile version of our existing web platform! Everything is already done, it's just porting it to an app.

Just port it to iOS how much different can it be from Android?

Yo momma so fat, she processed a cake in 1 byte. Yo momma so fat, her nickname is "wide character" Yo momma so fat, they tried to wrap a string around her waist, but it passed INT_MAX. Yo momma so fat, she compresses files by stepping on them. Yo momma so fat, they widened the address bus just so she can fit. Yo momma so fat, she eats her spam emails.

Note to self: "waist" != "waste"

Using Bing to suggest someone needs to buy self-help books is the definition of irony.

or its another subtle jab based on knowing the audience.

How do you generate a random string? Put a first year CS student in vim and tell them to exit.

I think that might skew towards Q's and C's

I had an experience where we had outsourced some work to another country for all the usual wrong reasons (it's a lot cheaper, so if it turns out they are no good we can always hire more etc.). Anyway, a colleague of mine spent incredibly long time explaining one of our new "colleagues" why his threaded code had serious issues with lack of synchronization and explaining in details the basics of concurrency etc. At one point we received some code which had a call to sleep(1). Again my colleague explained very patiently why this was not working and the details of locks, mutexes etc. Removed the call to sleep and asked our new "colleague" to fix it for real. The next day the call to sleep had been reintroduced with the explanation "But if we remove this line the code doesn't work". Lots of facepalm at that time and something we still joke about today. (And it was actually part of the reason we could convince management to rethink the outsourcing strategy).

Outsourcing only make sense if you simplify software engineering to the point where programmers are just laborers that produce text.

I hate programs that do this. I clicked 'X', that means die not hide somewhere.

I hate background programs taking up space in the task panel. I often an running multiple programs, and there's no need to add more clutter. I really like it when an app will "minimize to notification area" and I make heavy use of that. On Linux, Spotify will autohide to notification area on 'X', but on Windows just minimizes - that sucks

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For some reason I checked the source, expecting to see something there...

Instead of saying 'coder', she said 'encoder'. It's the difference between saying "I'm a writer" and "I'm a pen".

Yup. That's a better way of putting it.

I can't help but feel the jokes on him and that he's arguing with a bot.

Nah, her (their?) responses are actually relevant to what he's saying

Haha me neither! We should be friends on cam.me/ritaLovesYou, it doesn't even cost that much to subscribe!

lol. I'm single and luv 2 chat.

Welcome. Just wait until Sales promises the impossible to the client then comes to your team saying it has to be done because it's in their contract.

Oh god, this is my life

And, more often than not, a "temporary workaround" is actually more of a permanent one.

* **Temporary Workaround:** Horrible hack that I wrote and refuse to fix.

I don't think many of us would actively refuse to re-write a shitty piece of code...it's just that time/budgets don't allow for it.

I watch competitive CS:GO on twitch using half of one of my monitors in plain sight of my other coworkers (one of which watches LoL full-screened on a 24" monitor). My boss doesn't care as long as I'm getting stuff done. :)

Agreed. People who get shit done don't have to worry about this.

*people who get shit done and have flexible/relaxed bosses and coworkers don't have to worry about this

Yeah, my previous boss would've bitched, yet everything was always done.

Just repeating something from other places: This was a planed demolition; these types of bridges are safe.

Yep, it's a joke, this was a scheduled demolition

We should use "scheduled demolition" as an euphemism for making amendments to working code.

That's what deployment should be called.

That's not an MD5 specific issue. This could be done with every saltless hash.

And to be honest, I don't see anyone that understands security well enough to know what MD5 is to not also know to use a salt.

If you get a bsod from that then something is very wrong with your computer.

Clear your %temp% folder, turn it off, turn it on again.

This is exactly why the UI/UX team where I work exists. Every time I try to make something myself, it's the absolute most functional thing I can think of with zero regard for aesthetics. Why do I need fancy collapsible UI elements when 99% of computers can scroll?

Just pretend that it's really stylized to be contemporary minimalist. White background. A few black objects. Turn dark grey on hover. Everything in courier new. One logo with a tiny spot of colour at the very bottom. Everything else static.

I have a text file called "errors". I output "error: 17384" or similar. In the text file I have "E:17384 - This cunting piece of shit can go literally fuck itself if it thinks it's overflowing here. I will reign down in a godly fire-storm on this mother-fucker. This thing will need a binding resolution from the UN to keep me from the hate crimes I'm about to commit on this PIECE OF ***FUCK***." Clients never see anything other than Error: 17384

Hm, pretty good. Is there a way to automate the code lookup though? Seems labor intensive.

In the end user's defense there are some horrifyingly counter intuitive interfaces out there.

And that's why every UI improvement is met with massive complaints. We're used to jumping through hoops, so good UI feels wrong because we spend all our time looking for the hoops.

Technically, since you get "INTEGER OVERFLOW" in red rather than a negative number or crash, then yes they did foresee the situation.

You are technically right. The best kind of right.

I love writing documentation. My job requires me to write solutions to common problems we face while developing a large web application. I love finding the solution, writing it in a way that can be reused on many places and make the life of my coworkers and everyone who might use the code easier. Not harder. Documentation allows me to inform people (including myself in 3 months) what the methods do, what they expect and what to expect from them. Our code base is around 60% code, 40% documentation. And I love it.

Yeah, it's awesome. Some devs complain about nobody appreciating their code. Well, when I see some stuff I need, and I read the docs, and I understand it, and I can use it without problem: that's beautiful. It must be done.

Even when hacking the planet, you need to use jQuery. It really does do everything.

Is there ever a time to not use jQuery?

We have so many registers and so much memory, why not? It'd be a shame if any of them needed to be empty.

static int IsNegative (float arg) { return (arg < 0); } ?

Without further context, "forcing all its children to be wrapped in a block" does sound scary. I never noticed that.

"a parent may kill it's children"

This is a rare sight. A user that actually reads error messages and on-screen prompts. Amazing.

I hope someone actually explained what it was to them. If they've taken the time to read what it says, maybe they might have been interested once they knew what it was.

Out of memory: Kill process 3159 (firefox) score 100 or sacrifice child

That's a pretty high stakes game of Pong...

I hope someone actually explained what it was to them. If they've taken the time to read what it says, maybe they might have been interested once they knew what it was.

Yeah! This is how computer nerds are born, it's a beautiful thing.

Your tests should *always* fail first, because you write your tests before you write your code. If you write your tests after your code, you run the risk of your test validating bad code.

The TDD is strong in this one.

I had a conversation with a guy from another office in our building while we were eating lunch the other day and when I asked what he does he said he's a programmer. Cool, what language(s) do you program in I asked. He said "java or javascript or whatever it's called, and sometimes c++, and once in a while c."

That probably goes well.

Why use full words for function names when you can just use a single letter?

or foo bar baz bez foz