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SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: I (f/22) have to figure out if I want to still know these girls or not and would hate to sound insulting POST: Not sure if this belongs here but it's worth a try. Backstory: When I (f/22) went through my first real breakup 2 years ago because he needed space after a year of dating roand it effected me more than I thought. It was a horrible time in my life due to living with my mother and finally having the chance to cut her out of my life. I can admit because of it was an emotional wreck and this guy was stable and didn't know how to deal with me. We ended by him avoiding for a month or so after going to a festival with my friends. When I think back I wish he just ended. So after he ended it added my depression I suffered but my friends helped me through it and I got rid of everything from him along with cutting contact. Now: Its been almost 3 years now and I've gotten better after counselling and mild anti depressants. My mother has been out of my life since then so there's been alot of progress. Being stronger after learning some lessons there been more insight about that time of my life but when I see him or a picture everything comes back. The emotions and memories bring me back down. His friends (both girls) are on my facebook because we get along well which is hard to find and I know they'll always have his back. But seeing him in a picture or talking to him at a convention having a conversation is tough. Crying confront of my current boyfriend is something I want to avoid. So I've been thinking that I have to cut contact with these girls because it's time to move on because it's healthier. It's best to avoid him as well. But will they be insulted? Will they accept it? Is there going to be awkwardness? I'm not sure if it's the right to do and could use some outside opinions. TL;DR:
I still have contact with an old ex's friends but can't stand to see or talk to him. His friends are really nice ,so how do I tell them I possibly want to unfriend them on Facebook because of him?
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit TITLE: SV & NSV! Keeping on keeping on. POST: 30F, 5'6". SW: 236 GW: 150 CW: 219 I weigh myself weekly and measure myself monthly. I'd hit a plateau the last four weeks or so where I was stuck at 222. Felt like kind of a bummer, but knew it's because I haven't been as strict as I should with my diet, and the last week and a half have been crazy with life things, so I haven't been exercising as frequently as I've gotten used to. When I weighed myself as normal on Monday, I was kind of disappointed to see the scale not budging and figured it was time to buckle down again and really watch my diet. Today was my measure-in day, and I've felt cruddy in general since Monday because I caught some chest congestion/cold bug over the weekend. I get on the scale...it says 219. Whaaaaat? I take my measurements, which are down slightly from last month, and with an total-body loss of 8 inches from my starting point on 12/23/14! Some of my clothes have been feeling a bit looser as of late and now I know it's just not in my head. I'm now the lightest and smallest I've been since right around high school! TL;DR:
Progress is still happening, even when you think it might not be! Don't get discouraged, even if your journey seems to be going slowly. Don't give up, warriors.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Me [19F] with my friend [19M] 10 months, Insecurities - Show or Tell? POST: What are your stories about insecurities you've had in past relationships? How have you dealt with them, particularly the ones that you can't hide? I'm not currently in a relationship, but recently I've realized that there is someone who likes me, and I'm interested in them, too. Frankly, the only reason I'm not asking them out is because I know that I have some insecurities that need to be worked through - particularly in the realm of body image. While I'm confident in the rest of my body, I've had terrible, awful acne both on my arms and breasts since I was very young. It's a special type with no complete cure, but doctors suggested that I keep my skin oiled until it goes away (dryness irritates it). Because of this it's not so much present anymore as large clusters of scars are. Would I warn someone about this upfront before anything sexual? Would I just let it surprise them when the clothes come off? Do I tell them "Let's keep on my shirt for now" while we do our business? Have you had experiences with anything similar? I want to hear how they went! TL;DR:
My skin is scarred badly; what could I do/say about it that would gross my future partner out the least? What's your experience with body image issues?
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance TITLE: Prioritize student debt or saving for down payment? POST: I have $25k in student debt. One private loan at 9.5% (highest priority obviously) and nine others federal between 3.4% and 6.8%. Minimum payment per month total is $301.16. Over the next 9 months, I will pay off $11k of these, which will get rid of everything above 5% interest and will drop the total minimum payment to $150. At the end of the 9 months, our savings will be around $35k. At that time my husband will need to purchase a car so some of that will be his down payment. So more realistically $25-30k. Sometime in the future, between a year to two years from now, my husband and I may be moving. Typical single family homes in this area go for around $300k. At the end of the 9 months, should I continue to focus on paying down student debt (which will be a balance of $14k by then) or growing our savings/down payment? I have $5200/mo to somehow split between debt and down payment and I'm not sure how best to allocate it. TL;DR:
$14k in student debt (all <5%) and need to save more for down payment on a ~$300k house. How to allocate $5200/mo between the two?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: My[25m] girlfriend [24f] is only nice and pleasant when I'm aloof and distant. (9 months) POST: Throwaway I noticed the more I'm cold and distant towards my girlfriend, the more pleasant she becomes. She'll come over and clean my apartment, do laundry, dishes and cook for me, even as far as to offer oral favors while I'm drinking a beer! She seems completely happy and content during this time, which makes me happy and I naturally want to do things back for her. As soon as I start doing her favors, she picks fights and complains nonstop. Latest issue was I offered to take her and her mom to dinner. She kept giving me shit about how I'm going to be spending too much time with my brother (who's visiting for a week soon), which she was totally fine with when I was being distant with her. She'll call me a bitch in a joking way, and just take the piss out of me whenever I'm kind or go out of my way to apologize. This naturally makes me feel cold and indifferent toward her. Once she senses that, she's all about making me the happiest boyfriend and apologizes for all the shit she was giving me the week previously. It's a vicious cycle but I'm not sure what to do here. I've brought this up with her and she recognizes it and has no solution. She just "feels differently towards me sometimes" and can't explain it. **So what do I do here? Do I keep up the aloof, distant attitude to keep her interested or suffer her negging in kindness, my default setting. TL;DR:
GF is a meanie-bo-beanie when I'm nice, and an absolute doll when I'm uninterested. Sex is bomb and she's the hottest I've ever dated. What do?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Me 28 F with guy I'm dating 30 M - 1 month, Is it okay to ask if everything is okay or am I being pushy? POST: I have been dating this guy for 1 month now and everything was great until last Sunday when I noticed he wasn't responding to my text with the same flirty, cute, enthusiastic text that he usually would. He used to call me baby, babe but since last Sunday he has said none of those words and texting has been less and communication has been less. He invited me over last night to watch a movie so I went over and I think we had one conversation the whole night, it was how my day was. He never even tried to start a conversation after the movie and he has never asked if he could get high in front of me until today which I was totally fine with but I thought it was weird that the whole time we hung out before he never smoked in front of me. I am not sure if he's getting comfortable or he just doesn't care anymore? Anyways, as he was walking me out to my car I asked him if everything was okay because he has been acting different. His only response was, "Yes, I'm fine" and then it got awkward and I left in my car. Do you think I am being pushy or too clingy asking that question? I regret asking it right after I asked it because it makes me feel like I have low self-esteem for this relationship. Maybe I just worry too much but it has been eating at me. TL;DR:
I asked guy I have been dating for a month if everything was okay and now I regret it because I think it makes me look pushy /clingy.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Is it weird that this turned me off from my gf? POST: The other day my girlfriend(23 years old) and myself(22 years old) were talking and she revealed to me that she almost didn't date me because I was too short (5'7"-5'8"). She is only about 5'5". Now she loves me a lot and thinks I am the best thing to ever happen to her but for some reason, learning about this, really turned me off. I have never associated height with anything other than how tall is someone, but apparently people associate height with strength, power, attractiveness and other stuff that has nothing to do with height. Is it bad of me to want to break up with her for this shallow view? I know its kinda shallow of me but I am extremely turned off by this. TL;DR:
Gf said she almost didn't date me because I was too short. Now I am really turned off by her.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: I (27/F) am obnoxiously paranoid after a gynecological health scare. How do I explain my ridiculous hormonal-ness to my boyfriend (32/M)? (X-posted to /r/AskWomen) POST: Last month, I started getting really hormonal and feeling downright crazy (becoming paranoid about my awesome boyfriend for absolutely no reason, crying at the drop of a hat, and all of that jazz.). Right around that time, my gyno told me that I was due to have my IUD removed. Oh, okay! That's why I was a hormonal wreck! Bada bing, bada boom, I'll get it replaced and everything will be back to normal. When I got to his office for what was meant to be a routine appointment, he found a large mass in one of my ovaries--and told me that I needed to have a hysteroscopy to get my IUD removed. He scheduled the hysteroscopy and the aspiration of the mass for the next day. I was horrified and scared shitless. My boyfriend was very supportive, stayed up late rubbing my neck the night before the procedure, came with me to the doctor, took me out for more meals than I can count so that I didn't have to cook, etc. It's been a week since the procedures and, frankly, I don't really feel any less scared, anxious, or paranoid. Now I feel like there's something I'm always going to have to worry about. From what I understand based on talking to other women, this is a feeling that will eventually go away. But how do I explain myself to my partner and let him know that I'm aware that I'm being crazy right now without sounding like I'm trying to make excuses for being a completely and totally irrational asshole? TL;DR:
Had a big-ass ovarian cyst; scared that I'm irreparably broken; hormonal shitstorm ensues; worried I'm going to alienate my boyfriend with my behavior.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Advice givers of this subreddit please help me (18m) out. Please and thank you:) POST: So recently I listened to the song Feel Again by OneRepublic. GREAT SONG. But it got me thinking: "is my heart numb? Am I a lonely soul?" All my friends tell me I am basically Ted Mosby (for those of u who are himym fans...) but I have seriously never been in a relationship and have always been friendzoned which is fine ya get used to it. But I have a couple girl friends (note the space) and theyre each awesome and I don't want to feel like I am choosing I just want to be head over heels for one. What do I do?! It is the summer before college and while I know it is a mistake to try to be in anything serious before college I feel like its one of those things where you just gotta take the leap. Can anyone help me here? I am sorry for making you read so much... TL;DR:
I think I might like two girls at once. Don't want to; just want to be head over heels for one. Do I do anything before college?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Me [20/F] having trouble with boyfriend [23/m] of 2.5 years sex drive POST: My boyfriend and I have an amazing sex life. We are very sexually compatible. Although, his sex drive is crazy high compared to mine. It really depends on the time of month for me [hormones], sometimes I'll be down to go 3 times a day and sometimes I'm only interested in once a week. I'm asking for advice because I have a hard time denying him without him feeling rejected by me. For example, every time we cuddle he is almost always coming on to me. At night he comes on to me, in the middle of the night he masturbates next to me, and tries to come onto me in the morning. I'm utterly flattered that after being in a relationship this long he is still very turned on by me, but sometimes it is very overwhelming to keep up with his sexual needs. I've been trying more to just give him a HJ or BJ if he is really frisky and I'm not, but sometimes I really am just emotionally drained from life and just want to be cuddled. I've explained this to him several times and he gets very frustrated and defensive and states he doesn't feel like I want to please him....which is not the case at all. I can see how sometimes he would feel this way because when he asks sometimes my "tone" may come across annoyed or uninterested. I don't want him to feel this way and it has been a problem for a while now. I want to learn how to approach his needs better without him feeling rejected, and I want us both to be happy. TL;DR:
how do I deny sex with my boyfriend of 2.5 years without him feeling like I don't want to please him?
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest TITLE: I'm just really tired right now... POST: I just discovered this subreddit and I am glad I did because I am about to be at the breaking point. I am about to move out of my house with my boyfriend and into an apartment in about a week. I've been extremely stressed out. I am losing sleep about this and I have been becoming irritated at many things. Having enough money has been something that has haunted me most of all. I am worried that we won't be able to make it. I worry about how we will be living and if we will even have food at the table. I have talked to a couple of friends about this and they have all told me that if I'm not ready to move out then I shouldn't, but I have lived a very abusive life here at my house so moving is for the best. I'm probably just scared of the unknown. My boyfriend doesn't seem to be worried at all about moving out and it ticks me off because it feels like he's not aware of how the situation is and how worried I am, but I might be over thinking things. I don't know.... Anyways just wanted to get that out. TL;DR:
I'm worried about moving out of parent's house and into an apartment with a boyfriend who doesn't really seemed worried at all.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice TITLE: How to deal with questioning everything? POST: 23/f here and SO is 26/m. Together for 1.5 yrs and living together for 5 months. My sister just recently got married and I can't tell if the thoughts I am having are because I'm imaging their relationship to be something it isn't or if I'm in a LTR with someone that is really not suited for me in the long term. Their relationship is a seeming fairytale: they met, moved in together in a house he already owned, everything is neat and organized, they have a beautiful dog, great friends and love each other deeply. Her husband is very dependable and sweet. This is not to say my relationship is horrible. My boyfriend is loving, kind and has always been there for me. We have disappeared into our relationship though - we don't really have a friend group. Both of us are at miserable minimum wage jobs trying to fund a move out of the town we went to school in. He's only interested in moving certain places but really doesn't have a plan for the future. He's never missed a bill payment or anything - but our life is not stable financially. I'm currently attempting to go back to school/send out resumes. Sometimes I think I can marry him. He is amazing but does have a serious flaw when it comes to drinking. I've had to give him an ultimatum if he comes back home drunk and angry for the final time - it's over. I can't raise children with someone like that. So far he's been fine, no slip ups..but I constantly worry about him and I hate that. So I was sitting there looking at my sister and couldn't help but think - should I aim for that kind of relationship? Am I over-thinking mine? If he purposes (as he's hinted), would I regret saying yes? Am I still just naive and thinking that not everyone has issues and really ours aren't that bad? I feel bad for having these thoughts, but at the same time I don't know what to do about them. I know my life is in a transitional phase and maybe I'm yearning for some stability..but I just don't know what to do? TL;DR:
Witnessing a different kind of relationship is making me question mine. I don't know whether this is all in my head or I'm onto something
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Me [ 20/F] with my bf [ 20/M] of 3 years. I've found myself attracted to someone else. Need advice on how to overcome. POST: So I have been in what I consider a serious relationship for a few years now. Like any relationship we've had our ups and downs, but things have been great these past few months. I recently started a new job, and don't get to see my bf as often as I would like to anymore. And on top of that I've found myself attracted to my supervisor, and to be honest; it scares me. I know that nothing will happen, and I'm pretty much 100% certain that it is one sided, but the fact that I feel this way bothers me and makes me feel incredibly guilty. I know if I found out that my boyfriend had these feelings for another woman I would be crushed. I've had crushes before, but this seems very different, in reality, he and I barely talk so the feeling is mostly physical. And as much as I try I find myself thinking about him a lot; more than I feel I should. I find that I have this urge to talk to him more and get to know him, but I haven't. On one hand I think that maybe once I know him a little more the feeling will go away (you know, realize they have gross habits or something like that) but on the other hand if it doesn't I've made things a lot worse. But even so, I find myself imagining scenarios and situations where we're together. And I know my usual advise for someone in this situation would be to cut out the distraction entirely, but since we work together I can't. I usually tell my boyfriend everything, but this I don't want to, I don't want to hurt him, and in addition I'm afraid of building it up into something more than it is. But when I'm upset with my boyfriend or feel like he's ignoring me I find myself thinking about this other man. And I feel awful for doing so. Sorry about all the text, I guess my question is: have you ever been in a situation like this before? And how did you overcome it? TL;DR:
I've found myself attracted to a man who is not my boyfriend. I can't quit my job, so how can I overcome these feelings?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Me [21M] with my GF [19F] of 2,5 years. She wants to pay me for helping her with her accounting studies, but I don't want her to POST: Hello fellow redditors, we've been together for 2,5 years and everything is more than perfect :) She is sitting here with me and we will both provide our perspectives. We are enrolled in a similar business administration program, but at different universities and I'm one year ahead. She is struggling right now with her accounting class in which I was pretty good at. She asked me if I could give her tutoring lessons before her exam and obviously I agreed. It would come down to approx. 8-10 hours, which I'm perfectly fine with. My (21M) perspective: Here's the issue: she wants to pay me. I told her that I don't need to be paid and that I'd do it for free since relationships are also about helping each other. Plus, I enjoy it when I can help her with anything since we're spending time together and she's feeling better about the subject, which makes me feel good. She wants to pay me about 10$/hour which is a ridiculous amount of money for this small favor. Her perspective: In my opinion he will put more effort in to it when knowing that he get's something from it. I would like to keep it in a professional way so it's effective at the end. I feel like it's a win-win situation for both of us since I would pay way more for a stranger giving me tutoring lessons and he can use the money to have fun. Knowing myself, the whole thing won't be that relaxed and I want to give him something for bearing the situation ;). And the end I'd feel bad if he spends so much time studying with me if he could spend the time doing something else. Also I can't give him anything like this in return since he's a year ahead and won't have any questions I can answer. We both know that this is not a real problem, we just want some insight of you guys. Thanks in advance! :) TL;DR:
My GF wants to pay for helping her with her accounting class, but I don't want to get paid since I think that something like this should be expected in a relationship. Both perspectives are provided in the post.
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice TITLE: I think I'm trapped in nasty triangle and don't know how to proceed, some advice would be really appreciated. POST: I (male, 19) met this girl at collge (19 too) a couple of months ago. At the moment I met her, nothing really special happened between us happened, we just chatted a bit and left as early friends. Then, I entered college (the same where she studies) and we started to connect faster; we have a lot in common, we're both interested in culture and knowledge, and we often tend to play around and have a good time together. Then I found out that a friend of mine (let's call him A) has liked her since before I knew her, about 8 months or so ago. She didn't liked him back, and supposedly they settled as friends. However, it seems that he is still trying something, and whenever I try to be playful with her he seems very uncomfortable about it. Also, I've been supsecting that she likes another friend of mine; but I'm not certain of that. What should I do? I would love to move forward with this girl, but I don't want to hurt any of my friends or her, in any case. TL;DR:
I like this girl. A friend of mine likes this girl. This girl doesn't likes him back. This girl might like another friend, although I'm not sure of that. How do I proceed?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: I [M20] met a girl [F20] who i really like while backpacking europe and i dont know what to do. POST: I met her initially in berlin, where I only got to spend a day with her. I instantly knew there was something between us, I didnt know what but we just clicked strait away. I would have stayed there longer just to be with her if I could have. I met with her again a few months later In london. We spent another 3 days together and I learned we have so much in common. Like a creepy amount in common. Almost all the same interests and hobbies. We had an amazing night out that ended with us sharing a bed and the next day we just spent time together talking. We've arranged to spend another 10 days together next week, just the 2 of us, and I've never been more excited for anything in my life. I havnt been able to stop thinking about her since we last seperated. Were both not the most experienced with relationships (mostly me) so I'm finding it hard to tell her how I feel. But I'm sure I'll find a way next time we meet. I don't even know why Im posting this. Just to help me think I guess. TL;DR:
Met a girl while traveling, trying to figure out a way we can spend more time together and how to tell her how I feel.
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs TITLE: [HELP] Not sure how to deal with new people/dogs and my big ole pup POST: I have a three year old Dober/Pit mix named Romulus ("Rome" for short). He's about 105lbs and for the most part a good guy. I live with 3 other dogs: a 10 year old labrador, a 2 year old French Bulldog and a 8 year old maltese mix. The four of them get along just fine, Rome and the Frenchie are best best best best friends. 聽 He isn't the best at meeting new people, but not ALWAYS. Sometimes he gets skittish, circles with his tail between his legs. Other times he happily brings the new person a toy and wags and is generally adorable. I've found that if I'm around and make a big happy "look at your new friend! Now go find a present! What a good present and what a good dog!" noise he gets happy and excited. We've been having massive construction on our house for the last 7 months and now he's best friends with all of the workers, walks around the yard helping them, and they've learned all of his commands from me (sit, down, wait, paw, other paw, and touch- a favorite). 聽 Dogs are a little trickier. I have a big yard and people are always wanting to come over for doggie playdates. I don't know if on-leash is the best way to first introduce, or let the new dog into the yard first and then bring my dog (his name is Rome) in on a leash, or meet in the street or what. There is always a little getting-to-know-you period and then play (if sometimes a little intense). If the new dog stays too long, a fight usually breaks out. He never starts the fight but he always stops it. He's not seriously hurt anyone, yet. But I feel like its just around the corner 聽 Then, the crux of the matter: I want to have a 4th of July party. Several people want to bring their dogs. I doubt I can say "no dogs allowed" and I don't want to let everyone else bring their dog and make mine stay at day care all day. TL;DR:
HOW do I introduce new people? HOW do I introduce new dogs? WHAT do I do about 4th of July??
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: I [16 M] think one of my friends [17 F] is self-harming. What should I do? POST: I was talking to two of my friends at school yesterday - we'll call them Mary and Emma. Emma is a good friend of mine and one of Mary's best friends. Mary and I aren't particularly close, but we still talk quite a bit. She doesn't really take anything that seriously; she's always making a joke. It was a fairly normal conversation, and nothing seemed off about it. Then at one point, I noticed that Mary had a few scars across her wrist. I didn't realise what they probably were at first, and asked her what happened. They both went quiet. Mary turned her arm away. A few moments later they got up and left to go talk in private. By this point I'd realised what I said. I sat there for a few moments, feeling worried and guilty, then got up to leave (it was pretty much the end of the day and I didn't have any classes left). I ran into Emma on the way home. I asked her if Mary was alright, and she said "She's really fucked. Nah, don't worry about it, she'll be fine." The first bit seemed kind of sarcastic, but I can't tell if it really was sarcasm or if she was just playing it off as a joke. I can't remember the rest of the conversation, so I don't really know what else was said. The whole thing just seems so surreal, like a bad dream. Emma told me that I should try and forget about it, but I just can't stop thinking about it. I feel like I should do something, but like I said we're not particularly close and I don't think Mary would be comfortable talking openly about it with me. I want to be able to help, and I don't want her to feel uncomfortable around me because of this. I just feel so helpless. TL;DR:
Saw a friend had self-harm scars and want to know what I can do to help, or at least make her feel more comfortable.
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice TITLE: [GA] My ex is in possession of illegal pictures of me and won't delete them POST: I originally posted in /r/relationships, but I was told to also post here. So, I'm 16/F, and I was dating my ex for two years (I was 14 when he was 17, now I'm 16 and he's 19). During that time he was verbally and sexually abusive and often threatened me so I would send explicit photos, which I foolishly did. Ever since the breakup he's been destructive, coming to my house and my school uninvited and sending me text messages. But recently he told me he still has all of the pictures I sent him, and he won't delete them even though I've asked and warned him of the dangers of possession of those images. What I want to know is, what can I do? I have no proof that he threatened for the pictures because it was over the course of two years, we've been separated for half a year, and we've both gotten new phones so the text history just isn't there. Furthermore, can I be brought down with him for taking the pictures and sending them? TL;DR:
dated a guy for two years, crazy destructive ex still has pictures of me and I'm not legal. What can I do?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: My (F27) ex-FWB (M26) lied about being single; he's married. Need help with rational response. POST: I used the reddit search function and couldn't find this question. We met 6 years ago, FWB off and on for about 3 years. We live (now) in different states. We'd travel periodically to see each other and meet up in hotels or my house, sexting etc. I asked him several times if he is single, lives alone before any 'benefits.'Always got an affirmative answer. I was always single, too. I didn't question the hotel thing at the time because we both love hotels and sightseeing and it was always more covenient. (Now I see how convenient it really was for him!) I broke things off 2 weeks ago though because I couldn't ignore weird vibes anymore. Finally googled his name and city and got clear proof he's been married for 2 years. I was out of the country at the time of his marriage and we were not in contact. He knows I wouldn't help anyone cheat, I assume that's why he lied. Is there any good reason to tell this dude at this point I know he was lying and cheating? I'm absolutely confrontational when needed, but I don't want to make this decision based on anger instead of rational thought. This is where I need your help because I'm VERY angry! Last time I was physically intimate with him was 6 months ago; I got tested about 2 months ago, all clear. TL;DR:
turns out my ex-fwb was married, lied to me about it, I found out, do I tell him I know?
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit TITLE: Has anyone ever gone batshit crazy before, and how did you patch your life back after that? POST: *First time posting on Reddit. Been lurking for awhile and thought this a much merry place to be.* For context, I have been suffering from depression for the last few years. And as a reaction to depression, I did get pretty angry for awhile, and lashed out at people close to me. I'll call that my "batshit crazy" period. I lost some friends and a best friend (who wasn't there for me when I was down and whom I still think failed at being a best friend anyway). I was also even the crazy ex at one stage. It also happened to coincide with the GFC so work was hard to find, and admittedly being down did not help the job-hunting process. Anyway, things got better when I moved away from family members who were instrumental in bringing me down, and when I finally got a proper GP diagnosis that vindicated how down I had been feeling. And it got MUCH better since I started going onto meds. Plus, after being unemployed (GFC) for awhile, and then being scammed by a "social marketing expert" friend, I finally got a job at a decent place, although it had completely nothing to do my degree. But I still have much fallout in that a person who was a massive part of my life and whom I grew up with is no longer any part of my life, and I can't forgive friends who still stay in contact with her despite what I felt she did to me. Plus, I still end up chucking sickies at work to this day to deal with days when my moods just seem to go out the window, and my black dogs still haunt me from time to time. I've scheduled time to finally see a shrink to hopefully work out my issues once and for all. My question to the rest of Reddit is - have you ever been in the same situation, and most importantly, how did you rebuild your life? Not fishing for "awww you poor thing" here; just would like tips on how to rebuild and live a fuller life after being in such a dark place for so long. Thank you in advance, Reddit. TL;DR:
Was depressed. Got crazy angry. Messed up life. Fixing life. Would like to hear from others how they fixed their life after possibly messing it up.
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice TITLE: Contacting my biological father, who doesnt know I exist because of falsified DNA test [Washington] POST: I'm going to try to keep this short so it doesn't drag long into a soap opera. When my Mom [22 F at the time] got pregnant with her boyfriend at the time [24 M], aka my Dad, she decided he would be the right fit for many reasons. He ended up harassing her by constantly calling her work/showing up at her house. My mom ended up getting a retraining order. Fast forward to when I was born, my Dad wanted to get custody over me which my mom did not want. I ended up being sent to a different country as a baby during the whole trial. When the court asked for the DNA test, not sure how they did this, my mom used a different kid for the test? So it ended up being in court that he is not my father. Now growing up I didn't know anything about the DNA testing, but I knew about the harassment and being sent to a different country. (I was sent back to my mom around the age of 1 once the case was done). My mom was honest in terms of that her and my Dad didn't work but I could meet him when I turned 18. She said it couldn't be before then or else he might try to get custody over me. Once I turned 18 she ended up telling me about the whole DNA thing, and how she feels horrible but is asking me to not meet my Dad as he might press charges against her if he found out that what she did was illegal. Now currently I'm 19 and am 100% sure I found the other side of my family through investigation. But now am unsure how I should even approach him? My mom has been abroad for the past 2 years and my relationship with her has gone down the drain, for other serious reasons. In the end I'm just kind of lost at what I should do as I want to meet my Dad I never knew. And my whole life we've lived in the same town. And he lives only 10 minutes from my place. What should I do? Thoughts and opinions? TL;DR:
My mom hid me from my dad by falsifying DNA test when I was born. I want to meet him now (19 years later) but am lost of what I should do in legal/moral terms?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: I [19M] have been talking to/seeing [18F] friend for about 3 months and have no idea what I'm doing. POST: So basically I met a girl in the beginning of the semester during our orientation week. She caught my eye the first day and we ended up talking on a bus ride somewhere and clicked. We exchanged numbers and continued talking. Fast forward a weekend and I actually start texting her (during orientation week we were in the same group so saw each other everyday) and have quite a long conversation. We continue texting and I eventually ask her to hangout (eat) which she agrees to. We go to an ice cream shop and me being a dumbass forget to pay for her, but she didn't seem to mind. We talk for a good 3 hours, losing track of time, and then I dropped her off back at her dorm and there was that. I text her at least once a week and we have lunch together at least once a week for the last six weeks. We have different majors so the only time I see her is when she is walking to her class (small school) and our weekly lunch. Though I ask her if she wants to do something almost every weekend but since she is a is a D1 athlete so she doesn't really have a lot of time on the weekends due to that and homework. Either way I still ask just because. Overall, I really like her and I feel that through our conversations she does the same. I've been told that because of our lunch deals and me taking her out twice we're basically together, but I want to know for sure. Oh and I haven't been in a relationship or had a thing with someone before and she doesn't know this. I have no idea what I'm doing. TL;DR:
Been seeing/talking to girl for more than 3 months. Have taken her out twice and have lunch weekly. How do I ask her to get official/serious?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: I [23F] continually feel unwelcome around my boyfriend's [22M] Dad's side of the family. POST: So my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years, and for the first 2, things were pretty great. I felt welcomed and loved by everyone in his families (his parents are divorced), even though the bf was rarely around--we had a LDR where he went to college 5 hours away on a sports scholarship. Last summer, he moves back because of reasons other than our distance. But he got depressed from quitting a sport he'd been competitive in for 10+ years, worked at his new job 50+ hrs/wk, and we started to have communication problems. We broke up in August because of this, but got back together in mid-October, and things have been better than fantastic since. We're planning a future together. His mother's side of the family welcomed me back with open arms, and have been so loving and supportive. His Dad.....not so much. While his Mom still invited me to Christmas dinner and events, there was no such invitations from his Dad's side--in fact, on Christmas Eve when we were at his Mom's house, his Dad calls and tells the BF that he has tickets to Star Wars for the entire family....everyone except me. And his father knew he and I were spending time at his Mom's that night. And ever since then, they've still been very cold with me. They rarely say hello, they won't look at me in general (his two younger sisters still like me), they have made the comment that they feel like I'm going to "take him away" and don't want us to be physically affectionate at all in their household (no sitting close together, etc.), and it's very uncomfortable to go over to their house. I just feel like an outcast, even though I'm trying so hard to be friendly and rebuild a relationship with them for my boyfriend's sake. I just don't know how to proceed; how do I win them over? How do I handle feeling like the black sheep when I want to spend the rest of my life with this man, despite how his Dad and his stepmom are acting? TL;DR:
made the mistake of breaking up, got back together, bf's Dad and Stepmom are completely stonewalling me.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: I [28 F] just confronted my Borderline mother [54 F] about all the things she has done to ruin my life up until now... POST: I had been advised by my psychologist not to contact her due to the negative effect she was having on my personal life and mental health (I myself have problems with mental illness). But she had been relentlessly trying to contact me after I cut off contact without giving her a reason. So today I emailed her detailing everything she had done including the emotional neglect and abuse of myself and other family members and of her interfering and trying to end the relationship between myself and my husband on numerous occasions, and of ignoring my mental illness and making me suffer it out for years as a child, plus multiple other things I can go into if requested. The thing is now I can't help but feel guilty despite everyone patting me on the back and me knowing it was needed for closure. She has conditioned me to feel extreme guilt if I go against her wishes etc. As many people with Borderline parents know, the parents sometimes don't realise they have a problem despite the diagnosis of a mental illness (she thinks it's everyone else who is crazy, not her). So I know she will deny everything I have told her, yet she will play the victim as usual and somehow it will get back to me and I will again feel terribly guilty. Anyway I am just wondering if anyone has experience with borderline parents or other relationships and how they coped with the guilt of confronting the person, or how they coped at all with the stress of the situation. I'm in a rush so I'm sorry if I've left heaps out, I'm new to reddit as well so getting used to the layout, but I can add more details if requested. TL;DR:
Confronted borderline mother, now feel guilty. Would like to hear others' stories of similar confrontations with borderline people.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: [Update] I [17 M] am crazy about this this girl [17 F] and need advice on how to proceed. POST: My previous post can be seen here: We have remained in touch since I originally posted this. She has since broken up with this guy [17/18 M] from Alberta, apparently due to what I understand is the relationship being somewhat abusive in nature. We met again on Friday and I thoroughly enjoyed the encounter of ours. I'm kinda crossing over into r/depression territory here, but I think that one of the reasons that we've seemed to bond is that we are both suffering from varying degrees of depression. Before I reconnected with her in September (after previously having met her earlier in the year) my depression was reaching what I consider to be an all time high. I felt like I was completely alone and had to fake any happiness that I presented to my friends. I made a lengthy post on FB basically ranting about this and she messaged me a short time later. She told me that I didn't have to worry and that I could always come to her for help/advice. I thought that this was awesome, especially considering that nobody had really showed me this sort of of attention prior to my post. This would eventually lead to the meeting/date at Tim Horton's which I mentioned in my previous post. It was there that we had an open discussion about both of our depressions. It had a great time and she was the first person that I was able to talk to in detail about this. Our second meeting on Friday was just as good, if not better, than the first. We had more open discussions about various things that we were going through/had gone through. I thought my situation was pretty bad, but it was nothing compared to what she had gone through. I won't go into detail but suffice to say she gained a lot more of my respect that day. I can also honestly say that me being with her was the first time that I felt legitimately happy in such a long while. I'm really looking forward to us meeting again. So now that this other guy from Alberta is out of the picture I'm wondering what exactly I should do. I would like to ask her out for a formal date but I'm not sure how long I should wait considering she was just in a relationship. TL;DR:
The aforementioned "Alberta guy" from the last post is now the out of the picture. I feel like I connect with her on a more emotional level since our second meeting so I was wondering what I should do from here.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: I [28m] am afraid to commit to a girl [26f] I really like because of my lack of relationship/dating experience. And the fact that she is ugly. POST: I have been dating this girl for a few months now and I'm in a little bit of a dilemma. At first I did not really see this as anything long term, but gradually I have started to appreciate every little thing about her. I have started to picture us together in the future, travelling together, starting a family. The problem is that I've spent most of my life working my ass off and have not really had much time for dating or relationships. I'm close to finishing my PhD and I always imagined myself spending some time after that dating and finding out what I want. But now I suddenly find myself in this relationship that I can see potentially lasting forever. I think about this a lot, for example after after a recent conversation where she was telling me about some of the awkward dates she had in the past, because I know that it also helped her figure out what she wants and to realize that I'm the right one for her. A part of me wants the same experience. I am afraid that I will always be looking back and regretting not to have tried anything else. Confession: While writing this, I finally had to admit to myself the biggest reason for my hesitation. It was difficult to face it, but I have to be honest. If my girlfriend was perfect there would be no problem, but in the looks department, she is a 5, while I am a 9. I don't want more dating experience just to make sure that my current girlfriend is perfect for me, but also to convince myself that a "traditionally" prettier girl would not make me any happier. Because the fact is that I know that my girlfriend would make me happy, and that I can make her happy. I know that I can't just tell her that I love her, but that I need a few months on my own to find out what I want... Are there any solutions to this problem? I realize the obvious answer is "you just don't want to be with her, end this", but that simply isn't true. TL;DR:
In a relationship with a wonderful girl but afraid to commit cause of my lack of dating experience. And the fact that she is not very good looking.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: How to convince my very conscious parents to allow me to go on a trip with my best friend POST: My best friend asked me to go to Montreal with her this summer for a few days, but my parents are pretty strict. My whole life, my parents have most of the time said no to me hanging out with friends or going out and they have randomly said yes a few times. What is the best way for me to convince them for me to go? I'm 19 years old by the way and Indian. I rarely do anything bad and I've been babysitting my little sister this whole summer so far. I haven't done anything fun so far and this trip could really make this summer memorable for me. Also disobeying them is not an option, they pay my college tuition. TL;DR:
How can I convince my strict parents to let me take a trip with my best friend? My parents have known my best friend for over 10 years.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: My [23M] GF [22F] is a bit too active on my Instagram for my comfort level. POST: We've been together a few months now and things are going swell. We're some 150 miles apart (she works, I'm in grad school). We see each other every or every other weekend depending on how busy we are and it's good so far. One small hiccup: our presence on social media. By nature I'm a pretty private person and keep a small group of friends. I only share relevant stuff with my close friends and I am not prone to advertise my life, I think its a bit frivolous. Yes I have a Facebook, Twitter, and IG but I use that to keep a tab on what's going on in the world but just so I'm aware and in the loop. She's a bit of the opposite. We've recently become followers of each other on Instagram (IG is shorter for my convenience) and we both have browsed through each other's IG's to look at old pics as I'm sure everyone does. Little comments here and there, the usual. BUT this is where my problem begins. I have some family/friends on IG but as I said, not everyone I care to advertise my relationship(s) to in general because it's called a personal life. Some of her comments are pretty G/PG but quite a number are saucy and flirtatious (PG13/R). I'd rather she not post such things on my IG but I don' t know how to tell her without sounding like an asshole. I've begun to field questions from people I don't care enough to share about my personal life and it's kinda annoying to be honest. What's the best way to tread this delicately but not come across as an asshole? TL;DR:
GF's comments on IG are a bit too much for my personal comfort. How do I tell her to be mindful?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Am I [25/F] in the wrong for being incredibly upset that my LDR boyfriend [32] hasn't even texted me today? POST: He texted me last night at 1 am while he was drinking with his friends saying "Happy Valentine's Day." I thought it was sweet he was thinking of me with his friends. He hasn't texted me a lot recently. I have to text him first or he won't text me all day. This has been going on for a week now. Recently I've stopped texting first just to see how long it takes him to text me. He usually starts texting me around 7 pm to 9 pm. I understand work and life can get in the way, but he used to text me every morning when he woke up. He's not cheating and I'm sure of that, he's a good guy. Am I wrong for waiting for him to text me and just initiate more contact? Do I have a leg to stand on when I stay I'm upset that I haven't even received a single notice that he's even alive today? TL;DR:
LDR boyfriend has been texting less and less, now waiting until late evening to initiate contact. Do I have any right to be upset for not hearing from him on today of all days?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice TITLE: [24/f] Is it time to ask pseudo-fwb [27/m] the "what are we" question? POST: We first met about a year ago - no common friends of any kind - and first went out this April. I got really loose on the first date and may or may not have said that i'm not looking for anything serious. We went out on brunch and other stuff afterwards and sex just happened along the way. i have been going out on dates since then with other people but never went so far as sex. Until very recently, we see each other on average once a month and sometimes we just hang out. I have never slept over at his place before last night (i am a light sleeper and the idea of sleepover stressed me out) although he stayed at mine 2 out of the last three times he came over. Another thing is frequency, he came over "prepared" (brushed his teeth, packed suit for next day) this thursday after i booty texted him while drunk. Then he wanted to see me on friday, which i turned down and on saturday again - to which i responded and went to stay at his place because my heater is broken. We never define what it is, fuck buddies or fwb. Now that sleepover seems more regular, i don't know if it's time to bring up the question. If so, how should i communicate this? As far as myself is concerned, I am willing to go down the casual dating route and be perfectly happy about it. TL;DR:
7 months since we first dated, never defined what we are. he did stop seeing someone in March, that's all i know about his past ;)
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Me [23 F], my SO [24 M] of a year, I want to break up but I have no place to go. POST: So I have been dating my boyfriend over a year. Let's call him Austin. I moved in with Austin's family because my parents out of state and I decided to take some time off from the college where we met. I worked through a terrible depression which has been persistent for the past few years. I isolated myself so now I am friendless, jobless and have no transportation. I am trying to put my life back together and after long reflection, I have realized Austin and I are two very different people. There is a general lack of communication and respect for the other person. So here is my dilemma: Do I break up with Austin? I am a very open, honest person. It feels deceitful not to inform him of the decision I have made about our relationship,but I feel a little justified considering how inattentive and neglectful he can be. I want to tell him but he will be unsympathetic and he owes me nothing. Austin would not let me stay here until I have my life together. I have an older sister across the country but we have not talked in years. The whole reason she moved away is to get away from our crazy family. My older brother (let's call him Steve) seems to think I should move back in with our alcoholic/codependent parents where he currently lives. Steve is much better at dealing with their bullshit and I don't feel like it's the right environment to figure out my future. They are the source of my depression. I would however like to be close Steve. Having counseling resources available is another good reason to move back, though transportation is an another issue. It would be great relieve for both Austin and myself to unburden ourselves with this dead relationship and move on. But I also took a vow never to subject myself to my parents abuse again. I am open to any other ideas/suggestions/solutions. TL;DR:
If I break up with my boyfriend I will be homeless. Should I pretend like everything is okay until I can leave?
SUBREDDIT: r/running TITLE: Blood blisters and weird sized feet POST: Hey runnit, I'm training for my second half marathon in October, and I've got a concern: I've developed some decent blood blisters on the middle toes of both my feet as well as a doozy on the big toe of my left foot. My right foot has normal blisters on the big toe and underneath. I'm not sure if I should leave them as is, or pop them. They don't bother me during my run at all, or afterwards too much. Also is there anything I can do to keep blisters from happening? ( Some background info: I'm 6 feet, 160 lbs, but yet have tiny misshapen feet. My left foot is a size 5 and considerably wider than the other, my right a 7.5. I wear size 8 Asics gel kayano, which are supposed to stabilize my very high arches but don't do so well. I wear 8s because my left is decent snugness width wise and my right fits decent. I had the blisters my first half that I ran also, but popped them, which made them hurt a bit. TL;DR:
blood blisters on my 2 different sized feet. What can I do to combat this? Am I doomed to spend ridiculous money on shoes and orthotics?
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu TITLE: TIFU by forgetting my lube in the shower POST: So I'm sitting in the living room with my then GF not long ago and my roommate (Carl with the slicked back hair) comes in from the bathroom to ask me where the little black bottle in the shower went. Confused, I looked back at him and told him I didn't know what he was talking about. This is about what happened next: >Carl: Are you sure it wasn't yours? It appeared in the bathroom the other day and then today it's gone. >Me: Still not sure. Why do you ask? >Carl: Aww...damn. Whatever that shit was it was awesome. It was like this conditioner or something that kept my hair super slick alll day long. It was crazy, not even water could get it out. It worked so much better than the hair stuff I use right now. Maybe Jenny (his GF) knows where it went. Are you sure you don't know? At this point I have figured out that the little black bottle to which he kept referring was my bottle of lube. I glanced over at my GF and all the color had drained from her face and she was trying not to give it away that she knew. With the straightest face I could muster I told him that I still had no idea. I haven't told him to this day. TL;DR:
i left my lube in the shower for a couple days and my roommate mistook it for hair conditioner. To this day he doesn't know.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: My mom [53F] keeps trying to reunite me [23F] and my estranged sister [19F] and it's making me miserable. POST: "Estranged" isn't really the right word though. We have never had a relationship of any kind. We have hated each other since the moment she was born. Not once in the past decade (despite living together and going to the same school) have we even spoken to each other without it turning violent, or at least becoming a screaming argument. I moved away from home to go to college in one of the most stressful engineering programs in the country--it was like entering a peaceful zen trance. I felt safe sleeping without a lock on my bedroom door, I stopped grinding my teeth, and I stopped getting stress headaches. However, my mom is very close to both of her siblings and considers it *very* important to have those relationships. She is completely convinced that now that my sister and I are "adults" we will suddenly get along. Now, at least half of the visits I make to see my mom, my sister will "accidentally" be coming to visit at the same time. It's gotten to the point that I dread going to visit my mom (and often just skip it completely), because my sister might be there. Seeing my sister makes me so angry and unhappy that I feel sick to my stomach, and it ruins the little time I have with my mom (I live in another city and have a very time-intensive job). What can I do to convince my mom that tricking us into a room together is just making things worse? Has anyone ever heard of someone else going through this? Everyone who I have ever talked to about it (parents, friends, etc.) dismisses it--"it's a phase" or "everyone fights with their siblings" and no one seems to believe me when I say that something is horribly wrong. TL;DR:
I want my mom to stop tricking me and my sister, who hate each other, into meeting in the hope that we will suddenly get along after two decades.
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice TITLE: Is it a date? Or just as friends? M(18) F(17) POST: So, I've know this girl a while through other friends and she's been at gatherings I've been to. The other day at a party I finally plucked up the courage to talk to her properly (not just the usual "hi how are you" stuff) and we got on really well. The only problem was she then started talking to her friend about how she isn't sure if she likes this guy. She said he was a bit of a dick. My friend (also her best friend), being a boss of a wingwoman, told her "don't go for dicks, because you'll just end up getting hurt". So the girl I like asked "But who isn't a dick?" and my friend pointed at me and said "He's not a dick, he's my best friend". Next day I decided to talk to her over facebook and ask if she wanted to see a film which she said she really wanted to see. (I've already seen it but it's so good I want to go twice). She said it's be "really nice" and we organised a day. I asked her about getting something to eat before and she said we could just "go and have a coffee". The thing is, I don't fully know whether it's an actual date, or just as friends. We both really love the film, so it could just be that, but we don't really know each other well enough for it to be something friends would do. But then again, there is still that guy who she wasn't sure whether she liked...will he just leave the equation instantly? So, basically, in your opinion, Reddit, is it a date? TL;DR:
A girl who I only know a little has said yes to seeing a film with me, which we both really want to see, and suggested we have coffee before, is it a date, or just as friends?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: F20 broken up with by M20. 2 years. First day. I can't enjoy food, I'm afraid to sleep. My heart hurts.i want to connect to others that feel this way. POST: The future was so bright, we were going to live together. We never fought. I tried so hard to make him happy. We talked through everything, I always admitted when I was wrong and we seemed so good at fixing problems. I couldn't make him happy. He was depressed, but in a way that he hid from me. I didn't mind when he was sad I tried to comfort him. It was never perfect but we were so close and now I feel so lonely. He said he used to love me but doesn't now. Then he changed his mind, said he could love me, and when he saw me again he said he couldn't. He said he saw me like a sister. I got furious with him, yelled at him, I cried, I bawled my eyes out. It was so sudden. The last time we were together we were cuddling and laughing. I have a lot of love to give, faithfulness, and affection. I've already been asked out twice but It's too soon and I don't know how to function yet. I can't eat the food I ate when I was with him, watch the shows, listen to the same music. I lost the future that I thought I had with him. I wanted it so bad and now it's gone. I want to be able to sleep. I want to connect to other people who's hearts are hurting like mine, so I know I'm not alone. TL;DR:
He loved me, then realized he didn't. Then he told me he could love me, and as soon as he saw me he told me he couldn't.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Should me [f]irst relationship be long distance? POST: Hi all! Backstory: I just recently came out of my "ugly duckling with extreme social anxiety" phase I have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend (am also a "supervirgin") or many friends.I have really come out of my shell these past few months! I [19f] have started a new summer job and will be transferring to a university that 4 hours away. I will be quiting exactly a month from now. I met this [21m] guy at my job. He's great and we are both interested in each other. Next time I see him at work will be Saturday and his close friend told me that he is planning to ask me out. I have never had a crush like this before and this is also the first guy who is interested in me in a non-sexual context. My only issue is that he isn't in school and therefore lives permanently up by our job. I am moving into an apartment by my university and will be living down there until I graduate in 3 years (I will be an entering sophmore). I see myself as having 3 options: -We date and do it long distance -However, I am worried that I will be a bad girlfriend. My current class schedule is hectic and I still have to work to pay for my apartment. My major also requires a lot of outside of class work. This would leave very little time to talk and come up on the weekends for visits. -We have a summer fling. -When I asked my mom for advice she suggested this. According to her, going on a date will help take away some of my social anxiety around dating and make me more confident for future dates with other people. -I stop everything in its tracks now. I'm not sure what to do. And would really appreciate anyone's advice. TL;DR:
I like this guy but am moving away, should we do it long distance, have a summer fling or let it fizzle?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: I [27 M] met an amazing girl [29 F], but my superficial prejudices could screw it up. POST: I went on an online date with an amazing girl. She's smart, funny, and we just had chemistry. I've been on many online dates, and the awkward silence during certain bits of the date is just par for the course. This date was different. We always had something to talk about, and more over we were on the same page. We'd even say the same thing at the same time - it was surreal. This girl is also beautiful. She was a bit heavier than her pictures, but this is something I've come to expect from online dating, and I didn't really mind. Date 2 was great too. More of that awesome chemistry, more of that great conversation. Then the clothes started coming off, and I don't know why, but she was just a lot heavier than I thought under the clothes. I don't know if she was much bigger than I thought, but her bodyfat ratio was high, and she didn't wear the fat well. I am very attracted to her when she's clothed, but I have to admit I became less attracted after she got naked. I hate that I even have to say it because our chemistry is so perfect, and she has a very pretty face even. So now I'm in conflict. I am thinking I want to hang out with her at least one more time to see if I can get over this, but I don't want to lead her on. I hate that my superficial prejudices could screw up an amazing connection like this. What should I do? TL;DR:
Met an amazing girl. Had an amazing connection. Problem is she looks better with clothes on than off. I'm in conflict about how to proceed.
SUBREDDIT: r/needadvice TITLE: Much needed advice for adopted Russian prodigy! POST: My family adopted an 8 year old girl with disabilities who's mother was an alcoholic prostitute. She was born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and is missing her arms from the elbows down. My sister is now 18 years old, a senior in high school, has straight A's and is a professional artist. She will have her pick at whatever university she desires, however, I'm worried she may not be able to handle it because of her social skills. Because of her Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, a part of her brain wasn't completely developed that is important to creating relationships and socializing, however, that is no excuse considering she is the most dedicated and smart girl I know. People at her high school say she's "mean" but I know that is just her being socially awkward and not knowing how to react to kindness from strangers. I want to help her with her social skills and communicating with strangers to help prepare her for college, however, I don't know where to start. Any tips and ideas would be greatly appreciated! Thanks! TL;DR:
I have an adopted 18 year old sister without social skills and I need advice on how to help her attain social skills for college.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: I [15 F] don't want my boyfriend [16 M] to think I'm cheating on him POST: We've been together for about a year and I've made a new male friend (lets call him John) recently. Most of my friends are guys, so my boyfriend has gotten accustomed to it as far as I know. However, I spend a lot of time with John, and it's not because I'm interested in John romantically or anything. I've become John's support for a very serious problem he's been having, so I see him every other day at lunch, and if both my boyfriend and him are at a social event (they hardly know each other) I try to balance time for both of them. However, for confidentiality, I don't tell my boyfriend why I'm leaving or where I go, although he knows who I'm with. I know he trusts me but if I were in his position, it would be easy to be at least a tad suspicious. I don't want my boyfriend to think I'm cheating on him or losing interest in him, but at the same time, I know I desperately need to be there for John. What should I do? TL;DR:
Hang out with new male friend who needs my help very often, don't want boyfriend getting the wrong idea, but can't tell him why I'm gone
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit TITLE: Reddit, what makes you insanely mad? POST: Something that makes me mad happened today. I'll start by saying I respect when people can be straight up with me, i.e. if they don't like me, and they tell me, I respect that. So, what happened: A while back I assisted a friend in making a short film. They recently asked me to edit their work. I am okay with this, do it, and return it to him. I am told everything I did was crap, essentially. He said it politely, but he also apologized for even getting me on the project in the first place. Nothing I did was used. Nothing I did was of value. Hours of work. Wasted. I want to destroy things. What makes you mad, Reddit? Let's be mad together. TL;DR:
Guy gets me to do job for him, tells me that he never wanted me to do it in the first place, hours of work lost.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Me [18M] with my girlfriend [18F] of 1 year, she currently has a boy who 'likes' her sleeping in the same room as her tonight POST: My girlfriend spent the day with her long time friend (he has asked her out and tried to have sex with her before) which I initially had no problems with (although I am insecure) She just messaged me telling me that he's sleeping at her house tonight in the same room. This is my first real relationship but she's also my best friend and I love her, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to be controlling, but I would have no idea if they did anything together. I also don't think it's really suitable for a relationship but that's what I'm looking for advice for. Am I overreacting? TL;DR:
gf sleeping in the same room with her friend who loves her, feel I'm overreacting by being upset/angry about it
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance TITLE: Wanting to go to an out of area school for 6 months. How would you pull it off? POST: I'm wanting to go to a very prestigious furniture making and design school. The best part is is that it is ran by a community college so the fees will not be insane. This school would be an investment for my side business in woodworking. My question though is that I have a full-time job in healthcare. I've talked to my manager and I would not have to quit my job. I could go on Per Diem and show up to work from 2 days every 2 months to stay on payroll and retain my job. The school is about a three hour drive (James Krenov school of fine wood working in Fort Bragg, CA) And we would work 5 or 6 days a week for 10 hour days. It's very intense. I rent a house and make a payment on my truck. The car is paid off. I'd like to keep the house because I have a full sized shop detached from the house with all of my woodworking equipment and tools. So either I could find someone to take my room for 6 months and pay the rent or eat the bill myself (700/month) My greatest concern about doing this is that I would not have an income for 6 months and would probably have to find a room or apartment to go to school in the area. I have a gf who is a RN and said she would help me with bills and finances til I was finished but I really don't want to do that. I'm not sure I would qualify for student loans either aside from private loans because I fear my income might be too high, though I haven't looked. It looks like I'd have to live off savings. So, TL;DR:
I want to go to school for a 6 month program out of area as an investment for my business and self.
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit TITLE: What are some good motorcycles for a beginner? POST: Hey guys, I'm in the process of getting my M1 - just passed the safety course and waiting for my paperwork to take the written test at the DMV. That being said, I'm pumped up to buy my first bike and start endangering you all on the road. Which leads me to the pickle I'm in - I don't really know very much about motorcycles and what would be a good first bike. I've done the standard Google searches on "best first bike" and I learned on a 2008 Honda Nighthawk, so I suppose I'm leaning that direction. What I do know is this, I want either a standard or cruiser-type bike around 250cc (maybe a little higher). I'm not looking for a sport-bike or something that's going to race, I just want to get from Point A to Point B without breaking my neck, but also looking kinda cool (i.e. NOT A SCOOTER). I've got about $2,000 to spend on the bike since there's a good chance I'll screw it up during the learning process. Any ideas or bikes you want to sell me? Thanks! TL;DR:
new biker in SF bay-area needs advice on what kinds of standard/cruiser motorcycles are good for around-the-town driving
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: I [21 M] was seeing a girl [21 F] a few months back, stopped meeting after a few dates but recently saw her again and I want to try it again. POST: So I was seeing this girl a few months back and everything was going great. Then came the winter holidays and didn't really talk to her at all over the Christmas period and I sort of stopped fancying her. Was thinking of calling it off but thought it'd be a bit harsh given the time and didn't want it to be awkward for the NYE party we were both going to, which we ended up together at by the end of the night anyway. Since then, we haven't texted or messaged one another, sort of mutually although I feel like the ball was in my side of the court. Fine, worked out well in the end. Forgot about her. Have been very busy with work so not much time to do anything anyway but saw her today and it brought back a whole host of feelings and I'm not sure how to play it. Definitely would like to rekindle the flame but a) I don't know how she'll react, don't want to come off as using her as we run in similar circles and I don't want to embarrass her and b) I'm worried I'll do the exact same thing and suddenly stop fancying her. TL;DR:
Was seeing a girl a few months ago, left it when I stopped fancying her but saw her recently and I think I still do. How do I play it?
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit TITLE: Unmotivated At Work: The Cubicle Clich茅 POST: This is me browsing reddit at work again, as most of us do. This is, and has always been common practice to all of us dweller of the cube farms. I'm the stereotypical guy who works for a big corporation that doesn't give a shit about you, in turn, causing you not to give a shit about it. My predicament is as follows. **I want to care.** I used to like my job, but recently there have alot of changes as most companies come across. Jobs become more specialized, you have responsibility taken away from you and given to the most specific departments that do just that one thing. Now lets keep one thing in mind here... im not complaining about working, i know i am very fortunate to even have a job. i just feel that my lack of commitment will eventually lead to my demise, being fired. Now, i went from a fun, technical, ever changing job, to a stale, copy&paste reporting monkey job in just a year. Its become exactly like on office space where he explains a given work week, filled with simply spacing out and barely doing anything. The tasks i do have are never ending, treadmill type tasks, so at the end of the week accomplishments reports are filled with the same 6 bullets followed by "Onging". What are some things you guys do to help yourselves through the day, to be productive and feel like you contribute (if there is anything). I don't expect this thread to actually go anywhere, but i feel like i need help from those i relate to the most. TL;DR:
I used to like my job, now not so much. Need help to stay motivated and actually do work so i don't get fired for being shit.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Girlfriend [22] might be hiding something and my friend is worried about me [22]. (How) should I bring this up with her? POST: My girlfriend (A) and I have been "officially" dating for about a month now. Out of the blue, I get a call from an old friend (B) who is pretty close to her. He told me that she's been hiding some things that have happened in the past four months (he wouldn't give me details) and that he was really worried about me getting hurt sometime down the road. Should I bring this up with A? If so, how? We can only see each other on the weekends, and I was thinking of bringing it up towards the end of our next date. I wouldn't go into too much detail. I'd just tell her that B is worried about me and ask her if I should be worried. I don't want to scare A off, but at the same time I don't want to betray the trust between A and B (B was one of my best friends growing up and has been dating A's best friend for four years now). TL;DR:
Friend knows something about my girlfriend and he's worried it will cause trouble between my girlfriend and I. Should I bring this up with her and if so, how?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: My girlfriend [25F] might get a job in another city and I [26M] am thinking to follow her POST: Hello r/relationships, I will try to be short. My girlfriend [25F] has an interview for a job in another city, let's called it C because it is the third city in our equation. I [26M] am from city A where I live but I work all week in city B. She is also from city B, and that's why have a common ground. (the distances are not big deal but the working schedule is hell). Now she might get the job in city C and probably move there too. Obviously, I want to follow her. What is your opinion on that? You see, to get any other job for me in any town is easy. But there are no opportunities for the field I work in any city. So it is hard to move but not impossible. The thing is that I don't want to lose her for anything. It will be a huge step to follow her, for both of us. We are together almost a year and she is everything for me (yeah I know, a cliche phrase but I never had anything before her. So now, I have everything). Following her, basically means for me going to ground zero in my career but also taking my life completely on my hands and exploring alternatives. Not following her, means losing her. She knows that I am most likely to follow her but she won't demand it. Also, I have no one to ask these things... Thanks everyone in advance for the time you spend on this post! TL;DR:
Girlfriend is about to get a job in a different city and I am thinking to follow her. Opinions?
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance TITLE: Should we adjust our high student loan repayments while my wife stays home with the kids? POST: My wife and I both have pretty large amounts of student loans ($72,000 for my PhD, $83,000 for her 2 Master's), which are all Federal Direct Stafford Loans. The payments on these loans together will come to around $1,780/month, once I am out of deferment (I just finished school a couple months ago). My income is $100,000/year, which comes out to around $2,950/biweekly after all taxes and insurance. I also have the potential to get an incentive bonus of $8,000/year, depending on my performance and the performance of my company. Budgeting as best we can for rent, car, phones, utilities, groceries, and other routine expenses come out to around $3,000/month. It does not cover things like trips, car repair, and other incidental expenses. We have around $10,000 in savings, but half of that is owed to my parents over the next few months (interest free loan to help us move to my new job location). The issue is that my wife is currently pregnant with our first (any day now) and therefore decided not to continue her position as a teacher at the end of last school year (which paid around $43,000/year). Our plan is to have her stay home with our child until he and any subsequent children are old enough to attend full day preschool. Since we would like 1-2 more, this will mean that she will not be working for the next 6-8 years. With her working, the student loan payments would not be a huge issue, but with only my income, they seriously cut down on what is left after routine and incidental expenses. We have the option to get either reduced or graduated payments, which would lower our combined repayment to around $900-1000 a month. Our thoughts were to do this for the time being and then accelerate our payments once she returns to work. Is this a good idea? TL;DR:
Wife staying home for the next 6-8 years, should I reduce our student loan repayments for that period to give us more breathing room?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: How do I [19F] get my boyfriend [21M] of 4 months to feel more attractive? POST: (Throwaway account) My boyfriend and I have been official for almost 4 months, but have been close friends for the past year (it was a pretty seamless friends -> friends with benefits -> relationship transition). He is very, very attractive. I say this not only because I love him and of course I would think that, but also simply in general. He's just a seriously good-looking person and many other people have agreed with me. He doesn't seem to see it though. He tells me that he believes I find him attractive, but doesn't necessarily agree or think he is all that great looking. He has good self-esteem in general, but I just sincerely want him to find himself as attractive as other people find him. I tell him how hot he is and mention specific things I find attractive about him. I'm wondering if there is anything else I could do or say to help this. TL;DR:
Boyfriend doesn't think of himself as very attractive - how do I get him to see himself the way I see him?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: My [21/M] girlfriend [21/F] constantly looks through my phone while I'm asleep. Time to end it? POST: So my girlfriend and I have been getting along great our entire relationship. My family loves her, her family loves me, and we usually got along great. However, she always goes through my phone while I am asleep at her house. It started before we were even official, and she woke me up at 5 in the morning crying about a text between me and a girl who I had grown up with. It was just a casual conversation between me and her, nothing that could be construed as flirtatious. Mind you, I've never even thought about cheating on her, the messages she freaks out and cries about are me and my friends who happen to be girls just talking. Nothing flirtatious at all. A year later, I can count 6 occasions where she has gone through my phone (and I've found out about it). I have caught her twice as I've come back from the bathroom, the other 4 times have been when I was asleep. When I tried putting a passcode on my phone, she asked why I did it and she accused me of trying to hide something. She was able to find out my password by looking over my shoulder one day, so I got rid of the password altogether. She has a password on her phone, but I have seen her type it in enough that I know what it is. Never have looked through it. She has looked through my Snapchat history, Twitter favorites ("WHY WOULD YOU FAVORITE THAT GIRL'S TWEET!?!"), texts, Facebook messages, if you can think of it she's gone through it. I used to think it wasn't that big of a deal and that it was "normal" (this is my first serious girlfriend ever) until I mentioned it to my guy friends, who immediately were taken aback and said how messed up it was. What do you think...I've already talked to her about it and she's said she will stop, but she **never does**. Is it time to end it? TL;DR:
Girlfriend constantly goes through my phone while I'm asleep, makes wild assumptions that I'm cheating on her, and starts fights over things that aren't there. Is it time to drop this relationship?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: I [17 M] don't know how to start a relationship with a girl [16 F] POST: Well, a little context first, I've been in love/attracted plenty of times over my life, but never I've been able to be with a girl. I've been rejecter every time. This time the girl (let's call her Caterine) I have a crush on appeared in my life 6 months ago. I met her or a classical concert I went with some of my friend, she was a close friend of one of them so we chat a little bit. I was instantly attracted to her. 2 Months later and 3 more concerts I managed to grow a pair large enough to invite her to a date (as friends, I didn't imply that I liked her that moment) so we could learn more about her. I was charmed even more by her, she was funny, intellectual, cute, we had a lot in common, same vision of the world, same sense of humour, etc. We saw each other 2 or 3 more times and we started chatting over the internet, well I've been using the internet for a long time so I'm pretty nerdy in some aspects so I tried not to show that part of me to her, as it turns out she is as nerdy as me. We could talk about everything, from philosophy to things worthy of being in /b/ (just not that fucked up). So I like her. A lot. But like always I took my long ass time in knowing her so I'm kinda friendzoned now. Things are starting to look like all previous times. I have for a given that if I express my feeling towards her now I'll be rejected. I'm fed up of being rejected. I don't know what to do. How do I start a relationship with her?, if I do nothing she could met another guy and start dating him.. (it has happen to me before and it's horrendous). I don't want to be a friend anymore. Thank you for reading. TL;DR:
Been rejected countless times, Really like this girl, Afraid of expressing my feelings, don't know how to do it. (English isn't my main language so I'm sorry for any grammatical errors )
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit TITLE: I feel like my dad is cheating me out of a large amount of money. What do? POST: I'm currently 17. I lived with my dad my entire life. My mom died in 2009 and I began receiving social security checks every month for about $600. In November (2010) part of our house burnt down and we got an insurance check for around $20,000. Now, my dad is not a poor guy. He makes about $30 an hour full time, and has a girlfriend who works full time as well. However, he always tells me how "broke" he is, and how he can't afford anything. I think this is complete bull shit. He shops at the expensive grocery store, always eats out, and buys himself expensive toys like motorcycles. And he is not in any debt. A few months ago I began to ask him about the social security check and the insurance money. He told me that he was able to take care of me financially (as in buying food, health insurance, etc.), but the only thing he can't afford is my car insurance. So basically, he's saying that the only part of my social security check that is being used on me is for car insurance. So where the hell is the rest of the $600 going? He doesn't even pay for my phone bill, gas, or clothes. This I have to pay for myself, even though I have no income. Actually, he did buy me a HALF tank of gas once. But his girlfriend told him not to do that anymore. I feel like she's in on this too. As for the insurance money, we got the check in about January and I have not seen a cent of it. I believe I lost about $700 worth of stuff in the fire, and only one thing has been replaced. He agreed to buy me a new computer instead of giving me money, which I agreed to. NOW, he's saying I need to give him $300 and then he will buy me a computer. Then my cat got sick. The bill was around $600 and now he's saying that I need to pay him. (My cat is still living with him, unfortunately.) Our relationship has been particularly rocky lately. But TL;DR:
he hit me and I moved out (about a month and a half ago). I'm now living with my grandmother. I believe he gives her about $100-200 for food a month.
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit TITLE: Does writing a few papers on a band make you "obsessed"? POST: So far in my college career I have taken all of my humanities courses on the subject of music (they tend to interest me more than others). There are always research topics that we are allowed to choose. During my first semester, I did it on a band I pulled out of a hat (seriously, I just hit shuffle on iTunes and picked a topic concerning that band). The teacher loved it, so next semester I chose a different aspect of the same band where my previous research would have been irrelevant. This also net me a great grade. I have rinsed and repeated up until my final class which is next semester and I have become known as the local expert on that band by both faculty and students alike. They also believe me to be completely obsessed with that band. I beg to differ as I mainly did it for the grades (even though I did find a good chunk of the research very interesting). I think I'm not in the best position to be subjective on the topic, so I ask you Reddit: is this an obsession with a specific band? TL;DR:
I found out I was good at writing papers on a band that isn't my favourite band but I found it nets me the best grades. Does this make me obsessed with that band?
SUBREDDIT: r/cats TITLE: Acquired cat! Now a question.. POST: So, I just got a lovely little cat named Luna. She's about a year, a year and a half and pretty tiny. I live in an apartment located on the 5th floor of my building. My apartment doesn't have AC (I'm in NYC) and I usually like to leave the windows open for ventilation. They've got child bars, but because Luna is so small she can easily fit through them--and did a few moments ago. Nearly gave me a heart attack watching her slip through them and walked out onto a very narrow ledge 5 floors above a concrete sidewalk. She came right back in, but now I'm concerned about having a dead cat on my hands (or more accurately, on my sidewalk). So my question is, should I trust her cat instincts and leave the windows open? Or shall I sit in a stuffy apartment with the windows sealed? TL;DR:
I live on the 5th floor and my cat just walked out on my window ledge and came back in. Should I be nervous she's going to explore too far out and fall to her kitty death?
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu TITLE: TIFU By befriending a cannibal in grade 4-5. POST: As usual this didn't happen today, it actually happened around 10 years ago when I was in grade 4 or 5. I was not the most popular kid in school back in the day, probably starting from around grade 2 nobody liked me and my friends. It did suck being hated by so many, but things were a lot worse for the 2nd tier dorks. There was a few kids in my school that would wander the play ground alone and cause all girls to run away in fear if they ever got close. Seeing as I also got a similar, less disgusted reaction from everybody I felt bad for one of these kids. I started talking to him, joking with him, overall trying to cheer him up and this is were things went down hill. It was a normal day in class, me and the weird kid said hello, talked a bit and then he insisted that he sat next to me. I didn't really mind and continued on with my work. I started noticing he kept staring at me without saying anything but I just ignored it, seeing as he was 'the weird kid'. A few minutes later, with the speed of 6 hyenas, he jumped forward and bit me on the arm. For about a second or two I sat there, completely bewildered as he nibbled on my arm. After realizing it was actually hurting a lot, I pushed him away and yanked my blood covered arm right out of his slimy gob. He looked at me and apologized as I turned and ran to the teacher. When the teacher asked the kid why he savagely barraged my arm with nibbles, he just straight up said "I was hungry". TL;DR:
tried to make a weird kid feel better and ended up being attacked by him because he was hungry. I not only had a sore arm but I felt horrible for the kids living conditions at home, double whammy.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Me [20m] just got out of an 8 month relationship with my gf [19F]. I am very emotional, she wasnt. POST: I am far from the stereotypical macho, no emotions, no mushy stuff guy. I love romance, I love to be cute, and express my love in various ways. She is far from the stereotypical mushy, emotional, lovey dovey girl. She never speaks about her feelings, she never tells me whats wrong and she never told me she loved me without me having to say it first. Never called me babe, never had much to talk about. My question aimed at both genders: Are girls generally emotional, do you ladies like to speak about emotions? Do you generally like when the guy is cute with you and calls you babe, and says he loves you? When I speak about this, Im not meaning in a clingy way, all the time looking for validation and kisses and stuff, just occasionally, but regularly? I guess. And guys, do you feel that your girlfriend is emotional? That she loves being cute and romantic? doesnt matter if you are the same back, I was just wondering because I am romantic and I thought most girls like that kind of stuff. TL;DR:
Me emotional guy, gf unemotional. Broke up, wanting to know if most girls actually like romance and guys caring and shit, or if this unemotional, uncommunicative bullshit is the norm.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Me [18 M] with my Girlfriend [16 F] (4 months) - I'm constantly paranoid i'm screwing up my relationship and it's having bad effects on me POST: Let me preface this by saying I love my girlfriend very much, and most of this is probably my fault. Alot of time whenever I'm talking to/skyping/etc with my girlfriend i'm worrying that i did something wrong and that she is weirded out or mad at me and just isn't telling me. It doesn't help that this is a long distance relationship so we rarely get to see each other in person (like every 2 months at best). This is likely entirely my fault, although it could be caused by what happened in a previous (semi-)relationship that I was in where the girl lied to me extensively and now I feel insecure and unable to trust any reaction my girlfriend has, even though I do love her with all of my heart. This is having an effect on me as a person.. (I am finding it harder to focus, i'm often apparently more outwardly sad to people while i'm worrying about this stuff, etc. I don't know what to do at this point but I don't want to break up with my girlfriend because I know it's an issue with me and not her. What should I do? TL;DR:
I constantly worry that I've done something to weird out or upset my girlfriend and can't help it - it's having detrimental affects on me as a person..
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit TITLE: Girl had nip slip in photo, Blamed on me. POST: I was with friends and we were going through pictures on facebook when we came across this photo from this years prom where a girl has a nip slip. It is barely visable, but we noticed it. (I should have reported the picture for nudity, but with friends i didn't think of it. We agreed to not tell anyone about it. However on of them ended up telling one of his friends, and that friend told others, and it spread to mostly everyone in the school. The girl in my school now found out from a kid. that mostly everyone doesn't like, that "I have a picture of a nip slip, work on yearbook and prom commity, (which i don't) and showed everyone." What should i do, I already told the girl that i am not involved with anything and that the kid is basically making it all up. Should i "throw him under the bus", just as he did to me, or should i just leave it alone now. TL;DR:
Girl had a nip slip at prom, photo was taken (not on purpose) and it was blamed on me.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Pride only hurts, it never helps. POST: Me 26 Her 28 Having a tough time on my own with this one. I'm realizing how much my pride and ego are controlling a recent incident and if they're good indicators on wether I should take my gf back or not. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over 3 years. There's been ups and downs recently and in early February we broke up, but were still in contact with each other everyday. Earlier last month the GF left on a trip for two weeks. The day before she left we reconnected and It seemed like we were getting back together. We made a promise to not sleep with anyone and to talk more when she gets back. I send her some brief emails, she comes across really distant so I back off a little, not wanting to smother her. She gets back and we click, get along amazingly, it feels like a fresh start between us and I couldn't be happier. Now she tells me that she slept with some guy while on the trip. I'm angry, hurt etc. Today had a face to face talk where I forgave her but also said we shouldn't be together or talk anymore. She's a wreck right now to say the least, extremely remorseful. I understand we weren't technically together, but she made a promise to me before she left. I do love her. I want to forgive and forget, but the images and fact of it happening keep eating away at any thought of her I have. TL;DR:
Girlfriend on break sleeps with another guy (after promising not to), lots of remorse, trying to figure out if I should take her back.
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit TITLE: confused. POST: I am not biased towards religion nor am I biased for or against atheism. I try not judge people by their personal beliefs because I know we are all different, either through evolution or through some supreme being. It doesn't matter to me if you think that God created us, or if we are space farts; fact of the matter is that we are all different for some reason or another. People will believe what they want to believe or not believe. The ones who accept everyone to this degree and see that we all can use values from some source or religion/non-religion are the outstanding people. However, the longer I lurk and browse Reddit, the more I see that the atheism subreddit demands the most attention. They follow one another's' beliefs as if they were following a religion, and though they do not have a leader or supreme being, they do enjoy posting links that breed the same hate and intolerance as other religions do. I would like to think that some people are different and that perhaps a subreddit that would speak of indifference towards others would exist somewhere; and some people would motion for that change of universal tolerance of everyone and everything; however I now see that /r/atheism is just another religion. I'm sorry to those who cannot speak their mind in any religious or nonreligious threads for fear of losing karma or getting down voted and that as much as the followers of /r/atheism try to say they are not a hivemind and that they speak out as individuals, collectively they are a group. I fully expect to be downvoted for this post, but I would like to see if there is anyone lurking around that just believe in being kind, generous, loving, caring, and all those "good" things, without the need for religious or non-religious gratification. Do people like this exist, or are we a dying breed? And look at that, now that I read my own post I suppose it is human nature to judge someone even if you don't want to. Guess I'll just stick to f7u12 for some laughs and leave the rest alone. TL;DR:
I try not to give fucks, but eventually fucks are given. Can fucks be ungiven? Help.
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu TITLE: TIFU by Letting my Brothers onto an Social Experiment I was Planning. POST: Not so recently, my grandma was put into a personal care home due to a broken hip and both of her daughters just not having the time to be able to care for her as she needs to be. More recently, the pitbull that the couple who run this home has had a litter of puppies. Out of the 8, 7 survived and 1 of those is the second smallest of the litter. She is extremely shy and the mother extremely protective of her. I decided I was going to name all of the pups and get the owners of the care home to start calling each pup by the name I had given them. There is Chewie, Shiva, Alfalfa, Spanky, Sugar Plum, Tommy, and finally, the focus of my fuck up, Fluttershy. She is the center of my social experiment. Since these pups will soon be fit to be taken away from their mother, I was going to use Shy as a way to figure out a rough estimate as to how many bronies live in my area, outside of high school and college, by how many prospective adopters catch on to the name. The fact that the pup is named after a pony from a TV show escaped from everyone, until today, when, in a discussion about Amnesia, I mention Alois from the Justine DLC of Amnesia. Both of my brothers ask who he is and I explain to them the previous information and am met with blank looks. I explain to them again as follows: "Yeah, you remember, they took Fluttershy (the pony, not the pup) and made her into him in 'A Small Horse?'" (A custom story for Amnesia for those who don't know) And that's when they connected the dots and questioned after my reasons for naming a beautiful and shy little pitbull pup after an animated pony from a TV show. TL;DR:
I attempted an incognito social experiment to estimate to see how many bronies live in my area and got it blown wide open by way of discussion of video games.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: There is a 80% chance I (20F) can't have children, but my boyfriend (24M) will not stop bringing up wanting to have his own kids. I don't know what to do. POST: I found out recently that I have a medical condition that makes it very difficult for me to conceive, and very, very risky for me and the baby. If I were to get pregnant, I would have to take a shot of heparin (blood thinner) in my stomach twice a day to reduce the risk of miscarriage, and thrombosis. So basically, i've decided that I am not going to bother with pregnancy, and I have let my boyfriend of two years know this as well. Yet, for some reason, he still brings up "when we have our own kids!", "when you're pregnant, and I have to rush you to emerge", or "I can't wait until I get to create a little life." And every time, I have to remind him that it's not really possible and he gets really sad. We have talked about adoption, but I don't know if he is that interested in adopting. I just wish I could be that pregnant girlfriend or wife he wants in the future, but at the same time I wish he could be sensitive to the fact that I can't and wont have kids. TL;DR:
I probably can't have kids, but boyfriend wants kids and doesn't really want to adopt. I want to be able to have children for him, but also want him to respect me.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: I [24 M] ended a very new relationship with a long time friend [24 F] because we seemed to want different things out of our relationship. She seemed to agree when I brought it up to her, but now I am not sure if I did the right thing. POST: So I had met this girl when I started this new job. She worked there for a few months after I got hired, then moved onto a different career path. But was still a part of the social circle I was a part of. I had a huge crush on her soon after, she did not reciprocate that feeling. I was a little sour about it, but decided to remain cordial to her as she was still in my immediate social circle. Fast forward a few years, we had each gone off and dated other people, but also grew to become close friends through out this time. Then about two months ago, after a few drinks together, she out of the blue kisses me, thus spawns our relationship. As you can see, I had some mixed feelings about this, as i don't really appreciate being the "ace up some ones sleeve". But I chose to pursue this because I had to at least try. Things are fine for a few weeks, we dated pretty casually, saw each other once or twice a week at most. Then she started to grow distant, like she didn't ever have any time to see me etc. After it had been almost three weeks since I had seen her or even had a meaningful conversation with her I confronted her about it. After arguing via text message for a few days, I understood that she just wanted a much more casual relationship than what I had wanted. I told her that this relationship wasn't going to make either of us happy since we want different things out of it. She agreed and we both decided to remain friends, as there wasn't any animosity towards each other. I felt it was a necessary decision at the time, but after a few days have passed, I feel like I may have done the wrong thing for the right reasons, and that I have thrown away a chance to be in a decent relationship with some one I enjoy. TL;DR:
Did I take the easy way out? Or did I make a wise choice by realizing that this was not going anywhere?
SUBREDDIT: r/cats TITLE: really need your help with my cat, Never seen him act like this POST: So my brother comes over my house a lot and he is really scared of my cat, my cat is 2 and has always been a sweet heart so I never de-clawed him but today well I was working on my computer the my brother came home I didnt even notice until he started screaming I mean SCREEAMMINGG like if you had just cut your self really bad or were in a worse situation, I got up FAST ran to my door and thought SOMEONE MIGHT BE IN THE HOUSE, I literally grabbed my gun and went out my run expecting to see him at gun point or on the floor bleeding, instead he was on the counter screaming still with the cat hanging onto his leg making all sort of weird sounds, I put the gun down and quickly went to the cat thinking it would defuse him but he gave me a quick his and growl and stood his ground me and my brother got into a argument about what to do (He wanted me to shoot the cat) anyways 5 minuets went by and I got the cat into a room and then checked on my brother too see if he was over reacting and his leg was pretty fucked by the cat, lots of bite marks and blood dripping, this happend 30 min ago the cat is still locked up making growling sounds my brother left telling me he will not talk to me until I get rid of the cat (Which I will not do) but it makes me wounder... when should I let the cat out and what got over him... he is the type of cat that just sleeps on you all day.. TL;DR:
MY BRO GOT FUCKED UP BY MY CAT, I ALMOST GOT FUCKED UP BY HIM. CAT IS NEVER LIKE THAT AND IS EXTREMELY LOVABLE
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: I [22F] love my boyfriend [24M] dearly, but I don't want to move in with him... POST: My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. Our relationship for the most part has been pretty good. We get along well in nearly every capacity - life plans, sex, etc. I'm very happy with him. Yesterday he asked me to move in with him. I'm graduating college this fall, and am looking for a job in the same area he works. When he asked, I realized... I really don't want to live with him. And I feel my reasons are kind of stupid. I'm very close to my family, and I feel living with him would impede my ability to see them often. I travel to go see them and I don't want him to come with me. It's not that they don't like him - quite the opposite. I just don't like having him there. I have to entertain him, and he takes away from my ability to be with them. Also, I want to move in my parents someday. I know he's against moving in his or my parents in the future, but I wish to live with mine. Finally, I really enjoy being alone. I don't enjoy having him at my apartment longer than a few days - I begin to crave being fully alone. I really do love him. But I don't know if this is a sign of a bigger issue or not. What should I say to him? Do you guys think this means anything? TL;DR:
I don't want to move in with my boyfriend because I like visiting my family without him, want to move my parents into my home in the future, and just like being alone. Does this mean anything?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Me [21 M] with my GF [23 F] 6 months, girlfriend talks to exes and gets mad when I talk to girls POST: So my GF is my first sexual partner, my GF has had many. She talks to guys from her past. She talks weekly to 2 exes, which I'm fine with, but we recently got into a big fight, because she was texting, snapchatting and calling another guy who was either a fuck buddy, or used her for sex, or something along those lines, from her past. She yelled at me "I WILL TALK TO WHO I WANT TO TALK TO!!!!!! YOU DONT DESERVE TO KNOW MY PAST!!" Initially, she was mad that I called her out on him being suspicious and her being secretive about this person. They talked infrequently for 2 months while in our relationship, and she kept her history with them and that they were talking at all, a secret. I told her I don't care if she has a past, I just don't like it when the past comes back around. I found out they were talking by seeing her best friends on Snapchat. She's always been one to delete all the texts her in phone. Recently, I've been in these group chats with old elementary school friends, mostly the same 2-3 girls, and they just talk about some of the sketchy people from our class and where the heck they made it off to. We party together in the summer, but they've never been more than friends. Anyways, now my GF is pissed that I'm talking to one good looking female friend, from elementary school, she says she's a slut and has ulterior motives. I would stop talking to her, but I think I first need to make it clear that my gf said she is going to talk to who she wants to, yet she's trying to control who I talk to. There are always guys from her past, buzzing around our relationship, putting me down because I'm younger, etc. She has a lot of sexual partners, and they seem to come back around. I have none, so every girl I talk to, has only ever been just a friend. TL;DR:
GF talks to guys from her past, but gets mad when I talk to old female friends. What should I do?
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice TITLE: Help, i feel like my step mom is being very unfair... POST: So, lets start off by saying im a freshman, so, yes, im young, but i still need help. Last night i was watching Netflix in bed (It was about 12) and my stepmom texted me and told me to turn it down, so i put in headphones, problem solved, right? Wrong. Today my dad came and bitched me out about "Respecting other people in the house" but he doesnt seem to get that right when she asked me, i did more than she asked and made it completely silent for her. so at 10 tonight im browsing reddit and i get the parental controls time block message... I was pissed, so i just plugged into my ethernet and looked up ways to bypass the system. I found out that i can get into the modem and control it, i am at the last step before i get put in charge of the whole houses Wife, i wouldnt be a dick, i would only remove the time block settings. i dont know whether or not to do it. Ive practiced the lie that i'd tell my dad and i think i can get away with it, but i might not... and to be clear, this isn't asking for moral advice, everyone in the house would still have the same privileges, im not screwing anyone over, this would simply be to allow me to watch netflix (With headphones) past 10... Does r/ advice thing i could do it without getting caught? and if i do get caught, is it worth the punishment (Grounded, definitely no internet past 10.) TL;DR:
sepmom put time blocks on wifi, all i want to do is watch netflix at night... Can i put myself as admin without being caught? (Are my lying skills good enough)
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs TITLE: [discussion] Dog very injured and I'm emotionally terrified of what might happen POST: So my dog turned 11 two days ago, we celebrated and he was so happy. I'm 18 now and we basically grew up together and of course have become attached. Yesterday my father went for a daily walk with him and a dog got out and attacked Willie (my dog). He wrapped his teeth around his neck and pushed him to the ground and repeatedly bit him. The dog wouldn't let go and my dad had to get between them to stop it. We took him to the vet and there were three large bites in him and the vet said that if he were a smaller dog he would be dead. So I'm sitting here with him, worried because I don't know what will happen. We are giving him his medication and pressing chargers on the owners of the other dog. I'm scared of losing my dog and I'm really not ready to say goodbye. Sorry for the long post but I needed to get that off my chest. Here is a pic of the wound if you're curious [wound]( TL;DR:
My dog was attacked and I'm scared he's going to die. I'm really not ready to say goodbye to him.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: My close friend [both 20F] is getting married abroad but I don't want to go. Am I being selfish? POST: We've known each other since teenagers and been through a lot together. She recently got engaged and is planning on having her wedding in Morocco because that's where her family (and fiance) originate. Despite wanting to be there for her special day, there's several reasons why I don't want to go: 1) She has cheated multiple times on her fiance and does not plan on ever telling him. I've always told her I disapproved (but agreed to not tell anyone) but I'm scared I might do something impulsively on the day. 2) I've been to Morocco last yr with her where we stayed with her family and I loathed everything. I'm a city girl through and through, I struggled with the heat, lack of hygiene, mannerisms etc (sorry to any moroccans, nothing personal I just prefer clean concrete type places) 3) I found the residents and her family rude and racist. I am asian, which obviously made me stand out and I was often stared at and had racist remarks shouted at me throughout (to the point where I almost bought a ticket to go home early, it was that bad). Even caught strangers taking pictures of me several times. Her family were civil but I caught them talking about me multiple times when they thought I wasn't aware and I could tell they weren't saying nice things. (I'm not saying everyone there is a racist obviously but the experience was very upsetting and scarring for me). 4) Don't want to waste money on the plane ticket as I am struggling financially (I'm a uni student). What should I do? Am I just being selfish for not wanting to go (after all it's her wedding day)? TL;DR:
Friend wants to get married to guy she cheated on in Morocco. Don't wanna go cos I hate the place from bad experience and disagree with infidelity.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: I [F21] feel frustrated with my boyfriend's [M24] laziness. Am I justified? POST: I [F21] have been with my boyfriend [M24] for 2 years, lived with him for one year. Maybe it's just because of finals, but I've been feeling increasingly stressed about life over the past few months and have expressed this to my boyfriend. I have a well paying part time job and also am a full time student. He works full time but doesn't make ends meat, I often times have to cover a few of his expenses, as we live together currently. In addition, it seems to me that all he wants to do is sit around and play video games, or sit around at his friends houses when he's not at work. For example, today, I have been trying to complete an important assignment and he's been playing video games, I asked him to do one bit of housework and he gets so mad saying I'm trying to control him, we should just break up, and when he finished his video game he left without saying goodbye. I feel under appreciated, I spent a lot of time yesterday cleaning the house, paying bills etc and he can't do one bit of housework while I'm stressed about my deadline for school? Feels like he's only concerned with what he has to do. It's not like he never does anything, but still. It would have been nice if he wanted to help me. TL;DR:
My boyfriend doesn't seem to want to help me with anything, even when he sees I'm clearly stressed out. What actions do I need to take to change his behavior? Or is it too late?
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit TITLE: Alright Reddit, What is the worst/craziest thing you've ever done at a party? POST: I only think it is fair I should begin. So growing up in a small town everybody knows everybody but once in awhile we got a rare chance to go to these massive house parties out in the country. These parties were usually thrown by really rich kids with massive houses and tons of money to throw away and what was my favorite part was that since these kids were in a different school district we never really knew them or had to see them on a regular basis. So we're at this party having a great time and what not but like I'm prone to do I drink waaay to much and pass out. So I'm laying on the sofa when suddenly its like Jesus himself brings me forth and is like "Steve, you need to piss NOW". So I jump up. Y'know when you need to piss but there is like this subconscious countdown that begins in your head? You're like "I gotta pee...but I got like 5 minutes until systems go critical." Well I just woke up from my beer-coma and systems were beyond critical. So I start running towards my best guess where a bathroom might be but as this is a massive house I get a little lost. I run into a dark room and think "Fuck it. I'm not peeing myself." So I whip down my pants and start peeing. I hear this weird hissing noise but I'm too busy feeling relieved to care so once I'm done I zip up and walk away. A few minutes later people are saying they can smell something really rank, kinda like piss. I can smell it too. So this smell is permeating throughout the house and everyone is talking about it trying to find the source. Finally this girls who's throwing the party Dad comes down and starts investigating. He comes back a few minutes later red as a child's freshly spanked bottom and screams "WHO PISSED ON THE FURNACE!?" I've never ran so fast in my life. TL;DR:
Got super drunk, passed out, had to take emergency piss and pee'd on the furnace causing the smell of stinky urine to permeate the house.
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest TITLE: I just saw my ex boyfriend for the first time in a year. POST: We had an extremely emotionally intense relationship. Together for 2 years, lived together for the second year. We didn't have a crazy break up, we were both so numb and exhausted that we just said this is it and kind of drifted away after I moved out. But we still were kind and respectful to each other. I think of him often and what he's doing, hope the best for him. He got in touch with me on Friday and I went to his house on Sunday. We both have new dogs and we took them to the levee nearby (we live in south Louisiana) to run. We didn't do anything physical, just had a long hug when I left. But it's left me in a state of confusion. Part of me misses him a lot because we were good friends and were there for each other when a lot of crazy shit was happening. But part of me knows that he is too intense and I'm really not equipped to emotionally handle him without throwing myself into depression and anxiety. I know I got closure from the experience, but I don't think it was the closure I wanted/expected. Part of me still hopes we can be together one day, but now I'm more aware than ever that it probably will never happen (and that's probably a good thing). I've never been the type to play with fire, but for the first time I want to ignore what I know about us as couple and try it again (because when we were good, we were AMAZING). TL;DR:
I'm conflicted about my ex because seeing him made me realize that sometimes what you think you want isn't what's good for you.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: I'm [25 M] seeing this Girl [24F] for a month, doesn't do oral.. POST: Throwaway for obvious reasons. Now I've posted here because no, I haven't spoken to her about this and would like some advice. Been seeing this girl, let's call her Stacey, for about a month or so. She's attractive, great personality, respectful job etc. Things have been good so far, however, we've had sex 10 times so far and every time I've gone down on her for 20 minutes at a time (I have no problem with this as I find it a turn on too) she obviously likes it, but then it just turns into sex. She hasn't gone down on me once yet, which I respect but I'm wondering what's putting her off? I know for some people that's not their thing etc but how should I go about talking to her about it respectfully? TL;DR:
Seeing girl for a month, I go down on her every time, having great sex, she still hasn't gone down on me..
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Me[20F] and ex[24M] he got married, had a baby, but still wont leave me alone. Should I tell his wife? POST: I was gonna use a throwaway but fuck it. About 15 months ago I started talking to a guy and we went on ONE date. The whole "relationship" lasted only 1 month. Well , he would only talk to me in "baby talk" about everything. He would speak to me like I was an actual infant. I hated that and told him to stop like 1,000 times but he never did so I broke it off. Next day he showed up to my college crying, and he proposed to me. Yes, you heard that right. He proposed after barely a month... After I dumped him. Obviously I said no and moved on with my life , blocking him on all social medias. So he starts dating some girl and shes pregnant within a month. Well here we r now. He has found my new number and keeps begging me to meet to have sex with him. He even confesses he married that girl with the ring he proposed to me with. So reddit should I tell his wife all this? He has a little baby and I'd feel horrible if I some how made a kid lose time with her dad. But at the same time Id want to know if my husband did that to me TL;DR:
ex got married, proposed to girl with used ring. Still won't leave me alone. Do I tell his wife??
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Me[21F] and my boyfriend of a year [21M] are starting to face a long distance relationship and I don't know how to handle it POST: Me and my boyfriend have been friends for four years and dating for a year, the past year has been one of the best years of my life. We don't fight we communicate wonderfully and everything has been great. We talk about our future a lot and can honestly see ourselves getting married once we are out of school in two+ years. This fall I am moving for school and we will be a few hours apart and I will be without a car and will be working, he is also in school and has a job. We both know that because of school, the distance, and the difference in our schedules that we will not be able to see each other often, we have decided that we are willing to try. However, I am scared that the distance will turn what we have sour, and i'm not sure if we should risk what we have becoming ugly, i'm wondering if we should end it to preserve the wonderful times we have had. We have discussed separating because we both I think realize that it is probably the most logical thing to do but neither of us want to. My questions for you reddit is have any of you gone through a similar situation and if so how did you and your SO cope? Are we crazy to spend two years basically apart when we have only been dating for one? If you have been in a LDR what are some things you and your partner did in order to stay together happily? TL;DR:
Me and my SO who is the man of my dreams are going to be long distance for two+ years, not sure what we should do
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: I [25 F] think that the guy I've been seeing for a couple months [39 M] is hiding a smoking habit from me. POST: Short backstory: I've known him for about 4.5 years, he got divorced last year, we've been seeing each other for about two months. As long as I've known him I've never seen him smoke. It's not a secret that I absolutely hate the habit (cigarettes). I just think it's disgusting and I personally don't (usually) date guys that smoke. I just prefer not to be grossed out by a guy I'm dating. I went to his place this past Saturday and saw a pack of cigarettes and I asked him about it, and he said that he has occasionally had one when he gets drunk, but rarely, and that he meant to throw the pack out. Last night we went out to the bar and after a little while he asked if I minded if he went to make a phone call he forgot to make earlier. When he came back inside, I thought I caught a whiff of it, and he sat a little further away from me than usually for ~20 minutes or so. Looked like he may have had a pack in his pocket, but I didn't see it so I can't be sure. That was the one and only time I've suspected it. I realize in the grand scheme of things that this isn't a huge deal, but I'm not sure what to do. I like him enough at this point that I wouldn't break things off because of it, but I'm not even sure how to bring it up. I'm big on honesty, and he hasn't lied to me or anything as far as I can tell, so I'm not worried about that. Do I bring it up? Do I just ignore it for now and see if it even becomes an issue? Sorry for my /r/relationships equivalent of a first world problem! TL;DR:
I think he's hiding a new smoking habit because he knows I hate it, and I'm not sure how to proceed.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Me (22F) and my boyfriend (22M) of 5 years are taking a break....but we still live together in seperate rooms. This feels weird. How can we make this break work? POST: I posted this about a week ago for anyone that wants to read a more detailed version of why we went on a break: We have a lease together until August 2015. We are wanting to take a 1-month break in order to re-evaluate our relationship, decide what our needs are, and try to "fall back in love" with eachother. The sizzle is just gone. Has anyone here ever taken a break from an SO and still lived with them? If so, what were your rules about it? Ours are: minimal talking, no sex, no sex with other people, he stays in the spare bedroom. TL;DR:
BF and I taking a break to re-evaluate our relationship, but I'm not sure how to go through with a meaningful break if we are still living together and seeing eachother every day.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: I *Might* be a father again. How am I supposed to handle this? [25M] POST: I had a fling for about a month with a girl back in September. We had unprotected sex but I pulled out.... which I know isn't perfect. Yesterday, she called me and wanted to talk. Apparently she is pregnant and she is saying I am the father. I don't know if I believe her since our "relationship" was very casual. I don't really want to be the father either. I'm probably going to get flamed for this but I am married so its really preferable that this isn't my child. My wife and I have been going through a tough period and the fling was borderline cheating. We were apart but still together. So its complicated. Wife and I have been together for 4 years and we have a 3 yo son and an 8 month old daughter together. Since the fling ended my wife and I have been communicating so much better and we are in a good place again. This would fuck it all up. The girl I had the fling with didn't seem like she was going to have an abortion. She doesn't know I'm married so maybe it changes after that. I guess I would like to not be the father or there not to be a baby. My question is what should my move be? What do I need to be doing right now? I'm 25/m and this girl is 20/f. My wife is 22/f. TL;DR:
Had a fling for a month. Apparently the girl I had the fling with is pregnant and says its mine. I'm married and have a family of my own already. Not sure what to do.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: I [19M] want to ask my coworker [??F] out but I never get an opening. Need suggestions.. POST: I work in retail with someone who I seem to have a good chemistry with and I think she would agree if I were to ask her, but the problem is that we never have a moment where I can do that. We work in different departments and see each other pretty regularly but theres always customers or coworkers around. I've known her for about 2 months. Is it okay to ask her if she wants to see a movie or something in front of coworkers? Id really rather nobody else be around but its so rare that were alone and so brief. I thought about passing her a note but that seems childish and kinda cheesy. I wouldnt mind asking her out in front of coworkers if I knew she was going to say yes but if she said no or she's busy in front of coworkers Id feel embarrassed. It would mean a lot to me if I could get at least a few people to give me their opinions on this. Thank you for your time. TL;DR:
How do you ask out a coworker that you almost never are alone with? Is it okay to ask a girl on a date in front of people?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: I (22/F) think I have feelings for (25/M). Can't tell if it's mutual (x-post from r/wemetonline) POST: Heyooo, So, I met this guy online on a non-dating website 6 months ago. We started talking every day, we've video chatted a few times, and we've exchanged literally thousands of messages to each other. It was gradual at first and in the beginning of our online friendship he said that I was easy to talk to because of the distance between us. I am in the US and he is in the UK. Now, I'm preparing a trip to see him in two-ish months. He was hinting at it and I went right out with it and told him that I could come and visit him. He said he'd love it if I did. I'm starting to get feelings for this guy. I get excited when I get messages from him. I get butterflies. It's weird because we've never met before but we've been talking pretty much every single day for 6 months. I don't know if it's a mutual feeling or not. Could it be completely platonic if we've been talking every single day for 6 months and we've agreed on me leaving to the uk to meet him? Do you think there could be something more there or no? Most of the messages are friendly type but he has given me a few compliments and stuff like that. I just don't know how to tell if there might be feelings on his end too because I've never communicated to this level with someone online that I've never met. I don't know how to tell or if there are any signs that there might be more there and we're just not saying it. What are some signs that it is mutual and some signs that it's not? What do you think? TL;DR:
Met a guy online and am getting feelings for him. I am leaving the country to meet him and need some advice on whether the feeling could be mutual or not.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: I [28 M] suspect my Wife [29 F] of 2 years may be cheating. Need advice. POST: My wife and I have been growing apart lately (lack of intimacy for about 3 months) and I've noticed a couple strange things that I want some unbiased opinions on. She goes to the gym 5 days a week for a couple hours. One day recently when she was leaving she said goodbye and then I heard her phone start giving her GPS directions. Why would she need directions to the gym she's been going to for a year? Is it reasonable to believe she had accidentally hit 'go' to somewhere else she was looking up earlier? The other day in the car I saw an obvious text conversation open and asked (in a friendly way, not accusatory) who she was talking to. She quickly moved her phone and said she was browsing amazon. Multiple other times I've seen her quickly hide her phone or laptop as I've looked over. I've gotten a clear look a couple of times and it was absolutely a text message program. Mistrust is probably the quickest killer of a relationship and I haven't acted on any of this. I understand the severity of me even suspecting this. All of these could be innocent coincidences but together they've got me concerned. How I see it I've got a couple of options: A) Do nothing and let this either go away or eventually explode. B) Ask her about it directly. I've asked her about the texts in the moment and she's lied, so I'm not sure if this would work. C) Try getting access to her phone and see if there are any incriminating texts. This one would be risky and would absolutely damage our marriage if she found out. I really, really don't want to fuck this marriage up because of my paranoia. TL;DR:
I suspect my wife may be unfaithful but have 0 proof. I genuinely appreciate any help or advice. Thanks.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Me [26 M] with my ex [25 F] broke up and I feel guilty and sad since I initiated it POST: We had been dating for about six months and things were going reasonably well. I liked her and she liked me. I'd say there wasn't a very intense passion to the relationship, but there was definite affection towards each other. Both of us cared for each other deeply without question. Yet I felt like something was missing. I wanted there to be passion in the relationship. I was always excited about seeing her and every so often tried my best to escalate things and take it to the bedroom, though she only was comfortable doing so a handful of times (fewer than five times) during the entire course of our relationship. She often made excuses about not wanting to get physical - either she was on her period (I had no issue with this), or she was PMSing or she said she hadn't taken her birth control. She often seemed to have a reason like that and obviously I didn't ever want to be pushy so I always felt compelled to drop it even though this frustrated me greatly. I feel guilty that something like this was such a sticking factor to me. Almost like it's supposed to be too trivial a reason, but to me it wasn't. I wanted more with her. And even told her about it. She just didn't seem to want anything to change. I broke up with her recently, telling her that there were some incompatibilities that I couldn't handle anymore but never actually saying what it was because it didn't seem to me like I needed to be that blunt about it. I haven't heard from her since, so I'm not sure how she's even taking this. But I feel horrible, partly because I know I probably hurt her feelings by breaking up so suddenly out of the blue and partly because my heart hurts from having to end things with a wonderful human being. I haven't reached out to her since then either. But this whole thing makes me sad. I'm usually the one on the receiving end of breakups and it actually sucks to be the one who initiated it. I feel guilty about it and it hurts. I don't necessarily have a question. I guess I just needed to talk about it. If anyone has any words of advice or wisdom, I'm all ears. TL;DR:
I initiated a breakup due to lack of passion in the relationship even though everything else about the relationship was just fine. I feel horrible about it. Any words of advice?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Frustrated with these people... POST: So, here's the gist of the situation. Got a girl, who broke with a boy, decided she hated him, then got back together with said boy after about 2 weeks, when he came crawling back. The girl and I are in a close relationship, and she tried to hide the fact they were back together. Frustrated me pretty badly. I've asked why they got back together, and she said because he deserved a second chance, so I told her I didn't want to see her go through this break-up again (last time, it was quite emotional) and she said she would "deal with it". She's being very calloused when talking, and just kinda abrasive when we're not talking face to face (ex. texting). Last time, the guy pretty much cheated on her and called her bitchy. I've been nothing but good to her, and yet she still chooses this guy over me. I know, I sound like an egotistical jerk, but I'm really confused right now. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks in advance. if you need more info, just comment. Thanks! TL;DR:
Girl broke up with guy, guy asks to get back together and they. I like her, don't know what to do.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: My gf wants an explenation from me [Both 24] POST: This is a fight we had 2 times before, it's hard on our relationship, and if she doesn't get an explenation that it isn't going to happen anymore it's the end. Relationship of 2,5 years. We are 2 outgoing people, we do alot of fun things, together or with friends, we respect eachothers boundaries, and do what we want to do. Whenever we're out, we tend to hit the bars, and drink. Whenever my girlfriend is out with her friends, she tends to be drunk. Last week, she had a busy agenda, going out 5 days out of 7. I had to work, the only time i heard her that week was her to tell me, how rought the party was (not mentioning drinks), or that it was very late in the morning, this is on monday, wednsday, thursday, friday, saturday, she doesn't work and only has to do her finals for this year. in my mind i start to think, damn, she's 5/7 drunk. Which is a negative quality, and i get frustrated, building up resentment untill i see her and then it explodes in her face. Telling her i don't love her anymore, think she's a marginal, cause she's always drunk, i want to end the relationship. I regret this now. (i should've told her before, instead of building it up, my bad) Now, i get the full blaim, she asks me or i don't trust her, she says she can't touch a drink anymore when i'm around, i need help to figure out what's causing the problem. I have a double feeling about this. TL;DR:
I tought my gf drank too much, build up resentment, exploded in her face. This happened 2 times before, now she wants explenation that it won't happen again.
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit TITLE: Isn't it a matter of faith that we are not being lied to about the outcome of a national election? Because honestly, they can claim that *anyone* won, and none of us could say a thing about it. POST: I understand that this is the only system we have right now, but is it not correct that the outcome told to us can have no correlation whatsoever to how people actually voted? We, the millions of individuals who voted, have no real recourse for saying what the outcome *should have* been because we are all so disconnected. Is this not true? So isn't the outcome told to us really a matter of faith? We just have to believe that the people in charge are moral and telling us the truth. And if you think this is an conspiracy theory, or that I am wearing a foil-hat, then maybe you should open up a book on history and actually read it. TL;DR:
There is no way for us, as individual voters, to really comprehend the logistics of a national election. So... IMO there is an element of faith involved, because we can be told any outcome.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Me [24 M] with my BF [27 M]: His housemate wants me to pay rent and bills just for staying there. POST: I don't think I'm being unreasonable by asking WTF kind of backwards thinking is this: *I've been with my boyfriend almost 18 months. *I stay at his house (and he has 2 housemates) for *most* nights of the week and somehow this justifies me paying for rent and bills. However: *I never wash/shower at his house except when I brush my teeth. *I never use electricity for my own things except for *one* day when I stayed home to do some homework in peace away from my own household - which I realise would raise suspicions - but this was months ago now. *My boyfriend *assures* me that the cost of bills has not increased since the beginning of our relationship. I get paranoid about our relationship with his housemates, so am often asking him if I'm leaving an expensive footprint but he says no. *I generally do not use anything that my boyfriend wouldn't have been using anyway. *Even when I'm around, my bf and I stay in his room, away from the others so as to not make them feel uncomfortable or like they're not free to do as they please in their own home. I am *very* conscious of this. Generally speaking, I make a conscious effort to not abuse my stay. Admittedly, I do stay til late in the morning sometimes but **only** if I start work later, and this is because I'll sleep later. I do not ever lie in his bed sucking up all the electricity watching TV etc. I just needed to vent this. I'll talk to him about it tonight, and if refusing to pay up means I can't stay over as much then I'd be willing to compromise but still WTF. TL;DR:
BF's housemate wants me to pay rent and bills just because I stay over a lot. Bills have not increased and I don't use water or electricity anyway. Thoughts?
SUBREDDIT: r/BreakUps TITLE: So I got dumped by my best friend and all I want is to talk to him about, how do I get away from this circle jerk that is us? POST: We have been best friends for 3 years, friends is such a stupid concept when it comes to boys and girls though, at least for us. Anyways, he broke up with me b/c he loves when we are together but when we aren't he doesn't see it working. The thing is when we aren't together, he is with his mother, his mother who hates me, even though she has never met me. To her I'm a hood rat (but actually from a good [wealthy] family), Problem is I have tattooes, or atleast that is all he let me understand is wrong.So i guess i have to call a spade a spade, we are done. But the biggest problem for me is that he is my best friend. While I don't want to leave my house or stop crying, the only person I want to see is him, he is my best friend. How do I go from talking to him about everything everyday, to not having him at all? I know no answer will give me solace. I know his feelings are there, he is just scared and even more importantly, scared of 'hurting' his family. I know I rambled but I just lost what was potentially the love of my life to cowardness. I guess all I'm asking is for advice, I know I can get over this, I'm just scared because I don't want too. We have gone down this road so many times, the problem is this time its for real. I thought he was about to tell me he loved me when he broke up with me, surprise bitch! TL;DR:
How do I get over a break-up and talk to people about it when the one person I want to talk to is my best friend, being the guy that dumped me.
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit TITLE: I want to throw a great party, Reddit. What are some special things that I can do to make this happen? POST: Alright, so my 19th birthday is next Friday. I live in a college town, renting a house alone for the summer, and I want to throw a great party. I have invited friends from both school (which means they are coming from all over the state) and from home. However, since it's summer, I know that a lot of people won't show. Gas is expensive and for some, it's a far drive, so I understand. I'm thinking music, card playing, beer pong, etc... But what else can I do to make sure that everyone mingles, it isn't lame, and that things stay under control while everyone still has a good time? TL;DR:
How do I throw a kick ass party with a bunch of people who don't really know each other and my house is still standing in the morning?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Why do I [23f], who has an amazing family and loving friends with a good life, hate myself? And how can I get past it? POST: So this is me... I have a loving and amazing family. I have many loving friends. I have a great social life. It is easy for me to get the guy I want. I've just recently started talking to a really great guy, who really cares about me and likes me. So everythings cool and gravy and dandy so why do I not like myself so much??? I have wondered if it might be because I have been hurt a lot by guys I've dated/talked to. My dad left me when I was 8. I feel as though every man will leave me. (Trying to convince myself that this current guy wont hurt me, but can't really believe it). Recently after a very devastating breakup, for months I could feel nothing but hate for myself. What's wrong with me that he would leave and never speak to me again? I'm a good person. What part of me could they have hated so much to just throw me aside like I was nothing? It killed me. To clarify, this is not the reason why I started feeling like I didn't like myself. This feeling has been around for years. It is just after this breakup did I feel at my lowest, most terrible low. So sometimes when I am alone I will sit and want to cry because I don't like myself. And when I try to figure out why, I hate myself more because I truly can't find a reason. I know I'm not a bad person. I've never done anything to hurt anyone. I enjoy making others happy. I've never told any of my friends or family how I feel because they would have no idea either. They would tell me that I shouldn't feel like that. And I know I shouldn't but I can't help it and it is a terrible feeling. So i thought I would post here to see if anyone could relate/help out? TL;DR:
Hate myself for no reason, don't know why, and don't know how to get past it. Makes me sad that I can't seem to really love myself
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest TITLE: I'm worried. POST: I'm incredibly worried about my younger cousins; I have been for some time, but tonight it's different. Today their father killed himself. Their parents have been separated for some time, and my cousins have been living with their mom and grandma out in the country for a while. I'm not even sure if they know yet. I suppose what scares me most is the oldest of my two cousins has fairly serious mental health issues. He was diagnosed with depression and ADHD, and has been taking all kinds of medications to treat these diseases for 3/12 years of his life. The younger of the pair also frightens me. She is intensely emotional, and struggles with expressing them. It's a long story I suppose. If anyone has some good advice or experience, I'd love to hear it. I'm wondering if there's even anything I can do. TL;DR:
My uncle killed himself today, leaving behind his ex-wife and two children who struggle with depression and coping with their parents divorce. I need help.
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu TITLE: TIFU by scaring the shit out of my friends POST: So this happened just today. We're in highschool and me and my three friends (lets call them Bob, Steven and Tong) were eating lunch and chilling. We were making fun of Bob as we usually do and then Tong brings up the topic of the Charlie, Charlie pencil game (if you don't know what it is then go on youtube). We all tried it except for Bob and the pencil didn't move. So we all persuaded Bob to join in and I had this amazing thought. What if I just scared the shit out of my friends. Now, Tong and Bob were paranoid from this game for some weird reason and get scared easily. So when Bob said Charlie, Charlie come play with me, I decided to quietly blow the pencil to 'Yes'. Tong started screaming and ran so fast around the corner. Bob was probably scared as crap because it only worked for him, and Steven and I are just laughing our asses off. Me and my friends calmed down and we all started trying it for ourselves. Steven, Tong and I tried it and I blew it to 'No' all 3 times. Then Bob tried it again and i blew it to 'Yes'. My friends were scared shitless. I would be surprised if Tong comes to school tommorow. **They believe that if it says 'Yes', you have to hide from the paper for three hours or Charlie will find you (I'm not even joking) TL;DR:
Scared the living shit out of my friends playing Charlie Charlie pencil game and I will be surprised if they come to school tommorow.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: I (20F) am still good friends with my ex (25M). We're both in a relationship, but last night he started trying to sext me. What should I do? POST: We've been friends since we broke up almost 3 years ago and this is the first time he's tried anything like this. I told him that I wasn't comfortable with it. He said: "tell me you don't like me talking dirty to you and mean it and I'll stop." Me: "we both have someone. Regardless of whether or not I like it, its still wrong" Him: "you should consider your boredom and my own and the little bit of thrill this beings. Besides its nothing but words" Me: "a couple years ago, I might've believed that. But behind the words is intent. And emotions. And attraction. Words can quickly turn into actions, and even though I might still have feelings for you, I'm not in a position where I can let those feeling manifest into anything more, regardless of how small they may seem." He then complimented me on how much I had grown since we dated and went to bed. Did I handle this correctly? What else should I do? I don't want to ruin our friendship because of this. Its the first time he's done anything remotely like this. Advice? TL;DR:
ex and I have been friends since we broke up almost 3 years ago. He tried to sext me last night, even though we both have partners. Advice on what to do.
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice TITLE: I think I suck at my job. POST: Now I make mistakes sometimes. Usually fine detail mistakes, like a typo in an important place. Or not knowing that someone put training equipment on a truck and I dispatch it on a job. I would say I could tack up one good mistake per month working. I just came out of a meeting where I was told that mistakes were not acceptable in my position. It was intimidating because I know I will continue to make them. I have worked the job I have for eight months, sort of. I was in logistics for 7 months. Then got moved to sales as a supervisor in January, which are really two totally different careers. But not to my GM. He asserted that after 8 months I should have all the mistakes out of my system. Other than that I do very well. My sales are great. My customer service is top rated. I solved or diffused any number of problems daily in logistics. Of course, the one you miss is the one that gets noted, but that's just how it works. Fact: I'm not detail oriented. I have to write everything down. My mind naturally moves to big picture questions and goes into auto-pilot fog when it's looking at data or double checking numbers. Sometimes I just straight up forget things. So what is a reasonable expectation for an employee? Is human error okay? Does it just happen? Does my fight to focus on details mean I can't do detailed jobs to meet career standards? I've been guilty before of believing I really suck at life after things people told me, and had some therapy for it. So I really want to know what a fair standard or "norm" is that I can abide by. TL;DR:
Should human error be expected sometimes in the workplace? Is a manager with "no tolerance" for error being unfair or simply having healthy standards for his company?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: My [30 F] boyfriend [25 M] of 14 months, we are considering moving in together in a home that I own. What's the best way to split expenses? POST: My boyfriend and I are discussing moving in together in the fall when his lease is up. We've been together for just over a year. We both make a similar salary. He makes about $2K more than I do. We have been discussing how to share expenses and split the bills. We are both open to communication and discussion on this life change. Expect is a strong word here, but I would expect this would be a landlord-tenant style relationship in the sense that I would cover all household expenses related to home maintenance. Plumbing, electrical, roofing, appliances ... If anything breaks, then that's on me. With regards to bills we both contribute to (water, electricity, internet, etc), I'd expect to split those down the middle. With regards to the monthly payment, I'd also expect to split that down the middle. The reason for that is that it's a reasonable amount that's about equivalent to his current apartment rent. If we were to find a place to rent together, the expectation would be that we'd split a rent payment 50/50. I see the house as a shared space so I think it's reasonable that we share the expense of the house. On the other hand, I will be building equity in the home and he will not. However, I did put down $60K of my own money when I purchased the house. TL;DR:
Boyfriend and I are considering moving into the home I own. We have almost identical salaries. What is reasonable for splitting the expenses?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Me[19M] pissed off with my [19F] over sickness (long term relationship) POST: So to keep it as brief as possible I have been dating my SO for coming up 5 years now, every things been great yadayada. --- Two weeks ago I came down with viral meningitis and was administered to hospital for a couple of nights. She became slightly unwell during this time and was unable to visit me which is fine. -- However,to confirm my meningitis I had a lumbar puncture and following this procedure I have had a case of spinal headaches related to the puncture which has been going on for coming up to 2 weeks now. I have been bed ridden as getting out of bed (sitting or standing) makes me nauseas to the point of vomiting, dizzy and begins my headaches. This is not contagious and every day I am slowly improving but one thing has been bugging me, my girlfriend has not come to see me even once throughout this whole ordeal and blew off plans to have her come for a short visit this weekend. --- Now perhaps I'm being selfish or what have you but is it wrong to have expected her to visit me once throughout this, I mean she hasn't even been in for 5 minutes just to 'see how I'm going' or anything. She's phoned me maybe 4 times, two of those were to blow off plans and honestly I've had more text contact with a guy friend of mine who lives on the other side of the country. --- Do I have a right to be angry here? TL;DR:
GF of 5 years hasn't come to visit me in 2 weeks (nearly 3) of being bed ridden, should I be mad?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Am I being ridiculous for being upset that my boyfriend [30M] would rather bring family (that he is not close to) to his graduation rather than me [28F]? POST: Some background: Me and my boyfriend have been in a long distance relationship for almost a year. We attend different schools 5 hours apart. It was rough in the beginning because of the distance, but everything is great now. We text throughout the day and talk on the phone/skype every night. We see each other anywhere from every two weeks to once a month. We love each other very much. We are both graduating in May and plan on moving to the same city this summer. To the heart of the matter: He only has 6 tickets for his graduation. I told him I understand if he wants to bring his family. But I can't help but feel hurt that I don't "take precendence" over some of the family members he isnt close with. He doesn't come from the most stable families, and has been on his own pretty much since he was 18. Idk why family members he doesn't even really talk to get a ticket while me, his girlfriend, arguably the one person most involved in his everyday life, doesn't get invited. In fact, he hasn't even explicitly said he wants me come down there graduation weekend. Every time I bring it up, he says he doesn't know what the plans are. He hasnt told me not to come though. If the tables were turned, he would be the first person I would want at my graduation. Am I wrong for being hurt about not getting a ticket? TL;DR:
Boyfriend would rather have family members he is not close with attend his graduation rather than me, his girlfriend. It makes me sad.
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: My boyfriend (age 22) of 5 months can't handle how many sexual partners I (female - age 23) have had. POST: I've been with 29 other people, and he brings it up almost every day. I've also had a threesome, which he talks about constantly. He feels like he can't please me sexually (even though I always tell him that isn't so. He is one of the only people I've been to orgasm with, and it's the best sex I've ever had) because I've had so many partners who HE thinks I liked more than him. We have long discussions on this topic (which turn into arguments) at least once a week. It's so frustrating. He constantly wants to look at my facebook messages because he thinks I must be cheating on him. He doesn't believe that I can want to be in a relationship after sleeping with so many people. I'm not sure how I can get this through his head or if it's even possible. This hasn't just started either; it's been going on basically since the beginning of the relationship. I'm just not sure what to do. The relationship would be perfect if it weren't for his jealousy and insecurity. I am just not sure if these things can be changed. When we're not talking about this stuff, we have a good relationship. These conversations make me SO angry though! He always threatens to break up with me, says I'm not showing him enough attention in public (wtf?), says that we don't have enough sex (twice a day isn't enough?), says that I don't do enough for him...and then he starts talking about the past again and all the people I slept with. He wants me to delete pictures of past exes on facebook because he doesn't want to see me having fun with other guys. What the hell? There are just so many red flags, and I KNOW this. I know I should probably break up with him. It makes me mad even typing all this stuff out. I guess I just needed to vent, really.... I haven't told anyone else about this because I don't have many friends. TL;DR:
Dating a crazy guy who thinks I don't pay enough attention to him and can't handle the fact that I've slept with so many people. I should break up with him, right?
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships TITLE: Me [22 M] and my best friend [22F] got into a relationship - I need help POST: We have been best friends since high school, we talked about everything and everybody and always had a good time together. She was the perfect "best friend", someone who would stay with you, the rest of your life. And then we got even closer. She fell in love with me, I couldnt hurt her so we started to evolve into a couple. The relationship has been official for a few months now, but we have been acting like a couple for over a year. I fear any advice might be too late. The thing is: I like her, but I want to be single ( - doesn't really have to make sense to you, as long as it makes sense to me) I am old enough to know, that if I would break up with her I will lose her and our lives will seperate, but I really want her to be a part of mine. I regret that I was too weak to say "no" to her, for our friendships sake. But I know she is perfect for me, would be the perfect wife, but I am not ready for this. I now wish I would have met her in a few years, when I would actually be looking for that special someone. I don't know what to do right now. I am happy when I'm with her, but I feel that there will be an end to the relationship (maybe in a few months, maybe in a few years, who knows). Is there any possible way I wont lose her as soon as this is over? Can we somehow manage to stay friends? Does anybody have any experience or advice for me? TL;DR:
Got into a relationship with my best friend, but I feel that it has a deadline - looking for help cause I don't want to lose her.

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