Newsgroup: it.cultura.single
Titolo: All People Want Love

                         All  People Want Love
           (relationship worksheet/ techniques/ inspiration)
                                   by
                          Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
All people want love, then when they get it they become afraid and start
running in the opposite direction. On the one hand, they want love and
to be in a relationship; on the other hand, they are relieved to get
away. It always seems to as if relationships are difficult;  difficult
to find, difficult to keep and difficult to enjoy. The fundamental truth
is there is never a scarcity of relationships, there is never a scarcity
of love.  Love is our natural condition.  Why aren't we in it all the
time?  What is it that makes us run from the love we are so hungry for?
What drives people from the arms of each other, and  what would it take
to keep them there? In order to answer this question, first we have to
understand the difference between Real and Counterfeit love.
Most of us live with the mirage of love rather than the real thing. Like
a mirage, Counterfeit love is false and can never bring true
satisfaction. Like all mirages, when Counterfeit Love is seen for what
it is, it evaporates, leaving no room the real thing. No on runs from
love that is real; they cannot. It's too nourishing and too rare. But
counterfeit love traps you, scares you, keeps you on the run.
Counterfeit love gives a mirage of water in the desert, and we all know
that a mirage wont quench your thirst.
Many feelings masquerade as love; dependency, attachment and
possessiveness are just a few. Below I have offered several touchstones
to love, which are touchstones to help you separate counterfeit love
from the real thing.
To begin, we will  first look at some needs and patterns inside people
that keeps them from really being with the other people, and potential
mates, in front of them.
Waiting For The Perfect Partner
Many people have a secret fantasy which whispers that a perfect partner
is somewhere, waiting for them. This  perfect partner will not only
accept them fully as they express the parts of themselves that are
hidden, but will also bring out the best in them. Rather than criticize,
demean and demand from them, the partner will give unconditionally and
fulfill his/her needs.  Fantasy should not be discounted, as it
constitutes much of life.
Touchstone 1:
Rather than looking for perfection outside of yourself by seeking
another, find the perfection in yourself right now. List five things you
accept and like about yourself.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Add to this list everyday. Focus upon what is good in yourself, and the
parts you don't like will fade away. No other person can make you whole.
In order to find your perfect partner, you must become what it is you
want to find.
Touchstone 2:
Some use the quest for a perfect mate as a way to rejected and avoid
being with the real people who come into our lives now. It is a way of
avoiding fears that we may have of relationships. See if that is what
you are doing. Is it safer to have a fantasy than a real flesh and blood
person to build a life with?  Answer the following questions.
What are the advantages to having a relationship?  How will it improve
your life? List five as many as you can think of.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
What are the disadvantages to having a relationship?  How will it affect
your live negatively? List as many as you can think of.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
In order to resolve any concerns you have about relationships, you first
must be aware of and understand your concerns. Now that you have made
your lists, please examine the disadvantages. Fantasy is a way of
avoiding confronting such feelings. They must not be discounted, and you
should ponder them closely. They constitute important obstacles standing
in your way of having the relationship you desire.  With this new
awareness, you are now enabled to begin to resolve these concerns.
Touchstone 3.
(How to deal with people who are waiting for the perfect mate.)
Be aware when a person is seeking an image, know that you will never
perfectly fill that bill. Be who you are. Don't turn yourself into
someone you think he/she will enjoy. They will know what you are doing,
lose respect, run away. Be warm and caring. Touch your mate softly.
Don't reject his/her fantasies. If he/she is a person who is controlled
by his peer group, see if you fit into his/her group
image? For some people, the perfect person is stable, without too much
passion. For others, it's just the opposite. Find out who the person is.
If you do not fit his/her image, say good-bye, don't conform.
Realize that everything changes. What seems perfect one day will seem
flawed the  next. Examine your feelings about yourself, the ways in
which you feel imperfect. Work on these issues directly; Another person
can never complete something you are lacking within. See if your desire
for perfection is simply a way of avoiding falling from love. It is
easier to focus on what is wrong with a person than on what is right?
Make a practice of finding everything that is right about all the people
you meet, day  after day. This will bring you an entirely new perception
of people and of life. Accept your own flaws, do not judge them. The
more you love and accept yourself, the more perfect others will seem.
Rather than look down upon others, make an effort to focus upon their
beauty and goodness. Even if he/she isn't the right one for you, you can
train your self to find reality positive and comforting.
=======================================================================
This was on of the first articles I published in my e-zine entitled, you
guessed it, "Touchstones to love".  I include new articles and
touchstones every month, and subscription is free.  If interested, you
can subscribe at my web site 
www.brendashoshanna.com
.  Also, as a
psychologist, I have a question
and answer board where I invite you to ask my any relations questions
you may have directly.
Best Wishes,
Dr. Shoshanna



All we need is love, love, love
All we need is love.
sim


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