Newsgroup: it.arti.hiphop
Titolo: how to be racist

Dopo aver visto il TG5 di oggi ho trovato tutto questo molto divertente.
How to how to be racist w/o trying, © spike (29/12/00)
 
http://www.waferbaby.com/howto/?name=beracist
    the key to real racial prejudice is, and always will be, subtlety.
pointy pillowcases with eyeholes are out. swastikas are out. jackboots and
queer-bashing? right on out. i'm here to make you a successful bigot, not a
circus clown. work with me, you dolt.
the best sort of racism is the kind you can't see. and that's the kind we'll
be going for.
- step one: the secret deep-down box.
this is the most important secret weapon in the racist's arsenal.
i called it a "secret weapon" because, frankly, that's exactly what it is. a
secret. not just from everyone else, though; even from yourself. never,
ever, ever admit to bearing it, and violently deny any suggestion that it
even exists. get good and offended if it's even turned into a topic of
discussion; if possible, cut the conversation short and leave the room in a
huff, possibly a snit.
the secret deep-down box holds your notion. your notion is simple enough to
memorize and suppress:
"i am a better color than anyone else."
chant that. over and over. can you recite it from memory? do you believe it?
does it make you feel better about yourself? yes? great. now, put that
notion in your deep-down box, and bury your deep-down box in the recesses of
your psyche. the best place for it is behind the chest of drawers that holds
all your childhood traumas, cuz no one ever looks there; too messy. for
extra-good camouflage, pile some political correctness or well-meaning pity
over the spot. pat it flat, and walk away. wait a few years.
when you've forgotten where and why you buried your preposterous notion, but
know it's true from deep down inside you, you're ready for the next step.
- step two: your friend the television.
now, watch lots of television. loads and scads and heaps of television. try
to absorb at least five hours a day, with an equal balance of daytime and
evening programming. don't watch educational, historical, or biographical
programs; they'll just confuse you.
the crucial step here is that you must, for better or worse, believe
everything the glowing box tells you. watch it all religiously, and construe
the entertainment as factual representations. (sitcoms work best. they won't
challenge your budding prejudices.)
use your television to make presumptive decisions about the natures of
people you've never met. decide quickly, and without internal debate. any
scrap of supporting evidence shall be exhibited promptly in the theatre of
your mind, whereas any conflicting evidence shall be discarded. here, i'll
help.
fact: steven spielberg is a successful movie director.
fact: steven spielberg is wealthy.
fact: steven spielberg is a member of the jewish faith.
-processing.-
presumption: the jews run hollywood.
see how easy it is? one more, just to get you started.
fact: michael jordan is an excellent basketball player.
fact: michael jordan is of african descent.
fact: michael jordan is not the only excellent basketball player of african
descent.
-work those little gears!-
presumption: blacks are taking over the nba.
okay, okay. i'll admit, these don't make a lot of sense... but if you were
interested in making sense, you wouldn't be a very good bigot, now would
you?
notice, if you will, that all the very best presumptions are laced with a
fine coating of groundless paranoia. humans, naturally, fear the unknown,
and you'll be no different... but lets put that unjustified terror to work
for you, eh? if it helps, try to picture minorities as menacing hordes of
suspicious intent. they're out to getcha, buddy-boy, but don't worry; you're
on to 'em. look out, world!
when you're finished cataloging any troublesome minorities, it's time fore
the next step.
- step three: safe prejudice.
that's right, you can bolster your thinly-veiled hatred for others with
acceptable forms of racial and ethnic favoritism. but ya gotta be careful.
you're lucky i'm here to help. your welcome.
remember: any truly safe racism expressed must, must, must be disguised as
mild concern for the involved parties. confused? that's okay, i'm here to
help. here's an example: you don't disapprove of interracial dating because
you think it compromises or disgraces your race of choice; you disapprove
because you "know how hard it will be for a mixed couple to succeed in the
world." doesn't that have a better ring to it? almost melodious, and polite
enough to say in front of grandma! (of course, the reason that couple
encounters such trouble in the first place is because of racism on your
part, but that's neither here nor there. funny, though! )
when that mexican family moves in next door, worriedly wonder aloud how
"comfortable" they'll be without any other hispanics in the neighborhood. if
your daughter takes a korean to her senior prom, accuse her of being
contrary or rebellious. don't worry, this sort of thing ultimately becomes
reflexive if you practice long enough. keep it up, while maintaining your
superficial dedication to racial equality. make your expressed opinions
infrequent, yet suspicious.
when you can spew your ignorance without even thinking, you're ready.
- step four: tying it all together.
now you can take on the big, bad world, strapped with your freshly
cultivated sense of superiority. are ya ready? are ya excited? i know i am!
but first... one last rule.
deny everything.
deny you're a racist. deny that you do any of this consciously, or even
subconsciously. if you're accused of bigotry, cry. nurse a sense of
righteous indignation that balloons completely out of control, and let it
block whatever reason or logical thought you're still capable of. dismiss
the accusation instantly, and stalk off in the previously mentioned snit.
repeat the process ad infinitum, until death.
congratulations. you're a racist, and you don't even know it.

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