Newsgroup: it.politica.pds
Titolo: Umorismo nero.... anzi negro

Q: Why do niggers have flat noses?
A: That's where GOD put his feet when
he was pulling off their tails.
Q: Why don't niggers have check books?
A: They find it too hard to sign their names in spray paint.
Q: What's
the definition of nigger foreplay?
A: Don't scream bitch or I'll kill you.
Q: Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots?
A: They're
going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending.
Q: What is a
nigger's favorite anti-perspirant?
A: Unemployment.
These two niggers
go into a church and they start eating peanuts.
One of the niggers throws
some of them on the floor, the priest
looks at him and says what are you
doing? This is a holy place,
you can't do that.
The nigger says don't
worry I will pick it up later. So he goes in
front of god, his friend
watches him and he sees that god said
something too him. His friend asked
him what god said to him,
he says lets just go.
His friend said no no,
I want to go in front of god he said something
to you. He says let just
get out of here, his friend says what did he say?
The nigger said
"Listen asshole, pick up the peanuts, take your black friend
and get the
fuck out of here".
Q: How do you tell if a nigger has been shot in the
head?
A: By the hole in his ghetto blaster.
Q: Why don't niggers like
country music?
A: When they hear the words "hoe-down" they think their
sister's been shot.
Q: What is the difference between a white owl and a
black owl?
A: A white owl goes, "Who, who," a black owl goes, "Who dat?
Who dat?"
Q: If white woman have piss flaps, what do nigger woman have?
A: Mud flaps.
Q: Why did the D.C. Park Commission count only 400000
people at the Million Man March?
A: They missed the 600000 in the trees.
Q: Did you hear of the new Black Barbie?
A: It comes with 12 kids, AIDS
and a welfare check.
A nigger was walking along when he found a lamp. He
rubs it and a genie appears and says to the surprised coon that he has
three wishes.
The nigger thinks about it for about a minute and say's, "I
want to be white, rock hard and get plenty of ass!"
The genie turned him
into a toilet.
Q: How come there are so few black astronauts?
A: They
don't like saying "yes nasa, no nasa..."
Q: How many men does it take to
carry a niggers coffin?
A: Eight. Six to carry the coffin and two to carry
the radio. 
Q: What is black, white, and rolls off the end of the pier?
A: A nigger and a seagull fighting over a chicken wing!
Q: Why do
niggers like fingerbowls in restaurants?
A: So they can wash the
silverware before they steal it.
Q: Why do niggers have big nostrils?
A: Because that's where god held them when he spray painted them.
Q:
What do you call 100 old niggers in a barn?
A: Antique farming equipment.
Q: What's the difference between a nigger and a pizza?
A: A pizza can feed
a family of four.
Ebonics Ten Commandments
1. I be God. Don' be
dissing me.
2. Don' be makin hood ornaments outa me or nothin in my crib.
3. Don' be callin me for no reason - homey don' play that.
4. Y'all betta
be in church on Sundee.
5. Don' dis ya mama ... an if ya know who ya daddy
is, don' dis him neither.
6. Don' ice ya bros.
7. Stick to ya own woman.
8. Don' be liftin no goods.
9. Don' be frontin like you all that an no
snitchin on ya homies.
10. Don' be eyein' ya homie's crib, ride, or nothin
like dat.
Q: What does the KKK have in common with anabolic steroids?
A: They both make niggers run like fuck.
Q: What is the definition for
'Mass Confusion'?
A: Father's Day in Harlem.
Q: What was the only thing
missing from the million man march?
A: An auctioneer!
Q: Why can
niggers fuck all night?
A: Because they don't have to get up the next
morning and go to work!
A white man was walking along the beach one day
when he happened upon a bottle.
When he opened it, a genie popped out and
said, "Hey!" The man replied, "you're a
genie, right?"
"Yes," said the
occupant of the bottle. "I'm a genie. What about it?" "Well," the man
says, "you're supposed to grant me three wishes, right?" "NO!" says the
genie. "That
ended centuries ago. I don't do that anymore. I'm retired
now. Just put me back on the
bottle and drop me back on the beach where
you found me."
"Awwww..c'mon!" persisted the man. "Grant me a wish!"
"Oh...all right!" the genie rolled
his eyes. "You get one wish...and ONE
WISH ONLY! And it had BETTER be exactly
what you want because it WILL come
true!"
The man was ecstatic. He scratched his head, thought about it for
a while, and finally
whispered something in the genie's ear. "Okay," said
the genie. "Your wish will come
true at nine o' clock tomorrow morning!
Now put me back in the bottle!" "Great!" the
man said. He put the genie
back on the beach and went home. He got a good night's sleep,
called his
girlfriend and asked her to come over, took a nice long hot shower...
At
exactly 9:00 AM, the doorbell rang. The man opened it to find three
Skinheads standing
at his door each holding an arm of rope, eyeing him
suspiciously. "Tell us," one finally said.
"Are you the guy who wanted to
be hung like a nigger?"
Q: What do you get when you cross a nigger with
a gorilla?
A: A dumber gorilla.
Q: Why do white people tan if they get
some sun, but burn if they get too much?
A: God didn't want any more
niggers.
Q: What do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night
and see
....your TV floating?
A: Drop it nigger!
Q: What do niggers
and apples have in common?
A: They both look good hanging from trees.
Q: What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
A: Batman can go
out at night without Robin.
There is a guy painting a house and he
gets tired of painting and goes to a
whorehouse and says, "Give me the
biggest black woman that you have"
So the Madame at the whorehouse says,
"Go upstairs she's in the corner,"
So the painter goes upstairs and says,
"Spread your legs as much as possible."
She does and he walks away. The
black woman then says, "Is that all you wanted?"
he says, "Yeah, I'm
painting my house black. I wanted to see how it would look
with pink
shudders."
Q: Did you hear about the new Chap Stick for niggers?
A: It
comes in a spray can.
Q: What's the difference between niggers and pit-
bulls?
A: It's still legal to own a pit-bull.
Q: What do you say to a
black man in uniform?
A: "I'll have a Big Mac with cheese and a coke."
Q: What do you get when you cross a road runner with an alligator?
A: A
100 MPH nigger eater.
Thanks to Charles from Augusta, Ga., 
USA, Home
of the Masters golf tournament.
Q: How do you stop five niggers from
raping a white woman?
A: Thrown them a basketball.
Q: Why do nigger
girls wear high heels?
A: So their knuckles don't drag on the ground
Q: What do you call a nigger at a KKK rally?
A: Soon to be an ex-nigger.
What's the difference between a white fairy tales and a black fairy tales?
White fairy tales starts, "Once upon a time..."
Black fairy tales starts,
"Yo, you motherfuckers ain't gonna believe this shit..."
Q: Why do
blacks walk the way they do?
A: Because they spent the first nine months
of their lives dodging
....a coat hanger.
Q: Did you hear about the
nigger who wore a tuxedo to his vasectomy?
A: He said, "If I'm going to be
impotent, I'm going to look impotent."
Q: Who won the race down the
tunnel, the nigger or the Pole?
A: The Pole because the nigger had to stop
to write "motherfucker" on the wall.
Q: What happened when the Ethiopian
fell in the crocodile pit?
A: He ate six crocs before they could pull him
out.
Q: How can an Ethiopian woman tell when she's pregnant?
A: When
she pulls out her tampon and it's half eaten.
Why are there 6 pall
bearers at a white mans funeral and only 2 at a black mans?
-Because there
are only 2 handles on a trash can.
Q: What is "fee fi fo fee fi fo fo"?
A: A niggers phone number!
Q: Did you hear about the big boot sale out
at the western store?
A: There is a pair of beautiful white boots-they're
$7,500.00- and are made from human skin.
....But you can get the same boot
in black for $19.95.
Q: Why don't niggers celebrate Thanksgiving?
A:
"Kentucky Fried Chicken" isn't open on holidays.
Q: What do you call 18
niggers hanging from a tree in New Orleans?
A: A Louisiana wind chime !
Q: Why aren't there any niggers in the Arctic?
A: 'Cause the Eskimos skin
them out for wet suits!"
Q: What's the difference between a nigger and a
tyre?
A: Tyres don't sing when you put chains on 'em.
Q: Why do niggers
hate aspirin?
A: Because they're white, they work, and you have to dig
....through cotton to get 'em.
Q: How do you know when an Ethiopian is
going to be sick?
A: Another is following with a bowl and spoon.
Q: Why
do niggers use mustard on their tootsie rolls?
A: So they don't eat their
fingers.
Q: Why are there nude pictures of black women?
A: So apes can
masturbate too.
Q: How come there were no black people in the
Flintstones?
A: They were all apes back then.
Q: What would they have
called the Flintstones if they were black? 
A: Niggers.
One day a
Sheriff had a report of a missing person, and the last place he was seen
was at the side of the local river.
After dredging the river they found
him, he was a black man, and had about 80 feet of log chains tied around
him.
Taken aback, the Sheriff shrugged, and said, "Ain't that just like a
nigger...tryin' to steal off with more chain than he can swim with..."
Q: What has 6 legs and says "Ho De Do, Ho De Do"
A: Three niggers running
after the elevator.
Q: What's the black stuff between elephants toes?
A: Slow niggers.
Q: What did the black kid get for Christmas?
A: My
bike.
Q: How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit?
A:
Nine months.
Q: Why do niggers call white people "honkies"?
A: That's
the last noise they hear before the white people run them over.
A
Southern sheriff was driving along when there was an announcement on his
radio that he was needed urgently at the scene of a major accident.
When
he got there, he found a local farmer filling in a large trench with his
tractor. "What y'all doin', son?" He asked.
"Well, sheriff," he replied,
"I came across this accident, and I thought I would do the right thing."
Said the farmer.
"And what might that be?" asked the sheriff.
"Well this
busload of niggers just got plowed into tiny pieces by the passing train,
and they were all killed instantly... I was just giving them a decent
burial." Replied the farmer, while chewing on a piece of straw.
"Whoa,
son," said the surprised sheriff, "That was fast! Y'all sure every one of
'em niggers was dead?"
"Well," said the farmer, "two or three of 'em kept
sayin' they weren't, but you know how them niggers lie all the time."
Q:
How can you spot a black masochist?
A: He's the one working for a living.
Q: What's the difference between good nigger kids and bad nigger kids?
A:
Good nigger kids are in medium security prisons.
Q: How do you kill a
nigger?
A: Drive down the road at 100mph, then stick his head out 
....of
the window, and his lips will beat him to death.
A black man walks into
a bar and says, "I have a twelve inch dick, and I like to fuck white women
with it." A drunk at the other end of the bar said, "Hey, I wouldn't want
to fuck a black chick either."
Q: What is it when you find a grain of
rice in a bucket?
A: Poor Ethiopian kid has been up all night vomiting.
Q: Why do nigger women eat watermelon with their panties off?
A: To keep
the flies off the watermelon.
Q: How was break dancing invented?
A: By
black kids stealing hubcaps from moving cars.
Q: What do you call 15
niggers chained together at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.
Q: What's long, black, and smelly?
A: The un-employment line in front of
the welfare office
Q: How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black?
A:
Ever try to take ribs away from a nigger?
Hooked on Ebonics:
Leroy is a
20 year old 8th grader. This is Leroy's homework
assignment. He must use
each vocabulary word in a sentence.
Foreclose
If I pay alimony dis munt,
I'll have no money foreclose.
Rectum
I had 2 cadillacs, but my bitch
rectum.
Hotel
I gave my bitch crabs, and da hotel everybody.
Disappointment
My parole officer tol me if I miss disappointment dey gonna
send me
back to da big house.
Penis
I went to da doctor and he handed me
a cup and said penis.
Israel
Alonzo tried to sell me a Rolex. I said man
dat look fake. He said bullshit
dat watch Israel.
Catacomb
Don King was
at da fights last night. Man somebody otta give dat catacomb.
Undermine
Ders a fine looking ho livin in da apartment undermine.
Acoustic
When I
was liddle, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to da pool hall.
Iraq
When we go to da pool hall I tol my uncle Iraq, you break.
Stain
My
mudder in law stopped by and I axed her if she was stain fo dinner.
Seldom
My cussin give me 2 tickets to da Nicks game, so I seldom.
Honor
At da
rape trial da judge axed my buddy who be honor first.
Odyssey
I tol my
brudder, you odyssey da tits on dat ho.
Axe
Da police wanna axe me sum
questions.
Tripoli
I was gonna by my bitch a bra fo her birfday but I
couldn't find a tripoli.
Fortify
I axed da ho how much, she said fortify.
Income
I just got in bed wit da ho and income my wife.
Q: Why do
niggers smell?
A: So blind people can hate them to.
Q: Where in
Ethiopia do most people live?
A: Depends where the wind comes from.
Q:
What is the most common form of transportation in Harlem?
A: Ambulances.
Q: How do you stop a nigger from going out?
A: Pour more petrol on.
A
man walked into a NY antique store and saw a fascinating sculpture: a brass
rat. He asked the shop-owner the price. "Well," the owner said, "the rat
itself is just $75, but you would want the book it comes with, it's very
important and costs $200 more." "Well," says the man - "I'll take the rat-I
really don't need the book right now."
"Ok, it's your choice, but you'll
be back" said the owner, handing the rat to the customer. The customer left
and put the rat in the rear window of his small compact. As he drove down
the FDR drive past Harlem he saw something amazing. Rats were starting to
run after his car. First a few, than more and more, pouring out of
buildings, sewers and abandoned lots, a multitude, millions of rats were
running after his car, from all sides. Finally they began swarming over the
car itself, intent on reaching the brass rat. The driver, fearing for his
life pointed the car towards the East River and jumped out. To his
amazement, the millions of rats followed the car right into the river and
drowned!
The man headed straight back to the antique shop. "I knew you'd
be back," said the owner - "I bet you want to buy the book, now, right?"
"Fuck the book," said the man - "you got any brass niggers?"
Q: What is
the difference between a "RAP" group's manager and a proctologist?
A: A
proctologist only deals with one asshole at a time.
Q: Why were the
evolutionists wrong when they asserted that
....man evolved from apes?
A:
Because we all know that apes evolved from niggers.
Q: What's white, 8
feet long and wrapped round a lump of shit?
A: A turban.
Two children,
one white and the other a black kid die and are standing at
the Pearly
Gates when they are both approached by St Peter.
St Peter looks at the
white kid and says "Come into heaven, and go to the first
door to the
right and pick up your wings"
The white kid looks up excitedly and say's
"Does this mean I'm an angel?"
and St Peter smiles and says yes.
St Peter
then stands in front of the black kid, and rudely says "Get in, go to the
first door on the left, pick up your wings and report directly back to me!"
With that, the black kids eyes lit up, and says to St Peter "Does that mean
I'm an angel?"
St Peter say's "No... you're a blowfly!"
Q: What is one
word that's always missing in a niggers vocabulary?
A: Work.
Q: Why do
niggers keep chickens on the lawn?
A: To teach their kids how to walk.
Q: Did you hear about the nigger with insomnia?
A: He kept waking up twice
a week.
A nigger walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
"wow!
where did you get it?" asks the bartender.
"Africa!" says the parrot.
Q: How do you kill a nigger when he is drinking?
A: Slam the toilet lid.
Q: Did you hear about the two black guys on "That's Incredible?"
A: One
had a job, and the other knew his father.
Q: How do you scare a nigger?
A: Take him to an auction.
--------------------------------
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...mah!
--
Maurizio Sciamanna
Membro del "Luigino Fans Club" tessera n. 0002