Newsgroup: it.politica.pds
Titolo: Umorismo nero.... anzi negro II

Q: What do you call four niggers in a new Cadillac?
A: Grand Theft Auto.
Q: What do you call it when a black man rapes a white woman?
A: Forced
bussing.
Q: What do you call it when a white man rapes a black woman?
A: Stocking the plantation.
Q: What do you do if you run over a nigger?
A: Reverse.
Did you hear the Harlem High school cheer?
…Barbecue,
watermelon,
…Cadillac car;
…We're not as dumb
…As you think we is!
Q:
What do you call a hitchhiking nigger?
A: Stranded.
Q: How can you tell
if a nigger girl is not wearing any panties?
A: She has dandruff on her
shoes.
Q: What does NAACP stand for?
A1: Niggers, Apes, And Colored
People.
A2: National Association of Apes Coons and possums
A3: Now Apes
Are Called People.
A4: National Association of American Crop Pickers.
Q: What do you get if you put odor eaters in a niggers shoes?
A: Half a
mile down the road you get a gold tooth, a radio, and
....a pair of tennis
shoes.
Q: What do nigger kids use instead of Play-Doh ?
A: Fresh dog
shit.
Q: Why do niggers always have sex on their minds?
A: Because they
have pubic hair on their heads.
Q: What are the six words you never ever
want to hear?
A: "Hi, I be yo' new neighbor."
Q. What is the difference
between a nigger and a bucket of shit?
A. The Bucket.
Q: How do you
ruin a nigger party?
A: Flush the punch bowl.
Q: What's black and white
and red all over?
A: An interracial couple in an auto wreck.
Q: What
are the first five words a nigger in a three piece tailored suit hears?
A:
Will the defendant please rise.
Q: Where's the safest place to be during
a nigger riot?
A: The local library, books scare the hell out of them.
Q: What do you call a nigger with a octopus on his head 
A: An 8 row
cotton picker 
Q: How do you save a drowning nigger?
A: Wave his
welfare check over his head.
A young black kid observed that there
seemed to be some advantages
in being white, so he went off and painted
himself white all over. He went
and showed his mother who roused on him,
and told him to go and show
his father. This he did, and his father not
only roared at him for being so silly,
but cuffed him over the ears and
sent him on his way. The boy went on and
sat on his favorite log pondering
his position and feeling very glum. His mate
came along and asked him what
was wrong.
"I've only been a white kid for half and hour," he replied,
"and I hate those
black bastards already!"
Q: How do you get 12 niggers
in the back of a VW?
A: Throw a welfare check in the back seat.
Q: How do
you get 12 niggers in the back of a Cadillac?
A: Don't worry, they'll
figure it out.
Q: Why do niggers like watermelon?
A: They finally have
something big enough to use those lips on.
Q: What do you call four
niggers in a 57 Chevy?
A: A blood vessel.
Q: What do you call a nigger
on a bicycle?
A: A thief.
Q: Why don't you run over a nigger riding a
bicycle?
A: Chances are that it's your bicycle.
Q: What do you call two
black motorcycle cops?
A: Chocolate chips.
Q: Why do black parents put
Velcro on the ceiling?
A: To keep their niglets from jumping on the bed.
The Ebonics Christmas Story
`Twas Da Night Befo` Christmas
Twas da night
befo' Christmas and all in the hood
Not a homie was stirring cuz it was
all good
The tube socks was hung on the window sill
and we all had smiles
up on our grill
Mookie and BeBe was snug in the crib
in the back bedroom
cuz that's how we live
and moms in her do-rag and me with my nine
had
just gotten busy cuz girlfriend is fine
All of a sudden a lowrider rolled
by
Bumpin phat beats cuz the system's fly
I bounced to the window at a
quarter pas'
Bout ready to pop a cap in somebody's--
well anyway
I
yelled to my lady, Yo peep this!
She said, Stop frontin just mind yo'
bidness
I said, for real doe, come check dis out
We weren't even buggin,
no worries, no doubt
Cuz bumpin an thumpin' from around da way
Was Santa,
8 reindeer and a sleigh
Da beats was kickin, da ride was phat
I said, Yo
red Dawg, you all that!
He threw up a sign and yelled to his boyz,
"Ay
yo, give it up, let's make some noise!
To the top of the projects and
across the strip mall,
We gots ta go, I got a booty call!"
He pulled up
his ride on the top a da roof
and sippin on a 40, he busted a move
I
yelled up to Santa, "Yo ain't got no stack!"
he said, "Damn homie, deese
projects is wack!
But don't worry black, cuz I gots da skillz
I learnt
back when I hadda pay da billz."
Out from his bag he pulled 3 small tings
a credit card, a knife, and a bobby pin.
he slid down the fire escape
smoove as a cat
and busted the window with a b-ball bat
I said, "Whassup,
Santa? Whydya bust my place?"
he said,"You best get on up out my face!"
His threads was all leatha, his chains was all gold
His sneaks was Puma
and they was 5 years old
He dropped down the duffle, Clippers logo on the
side
Santa broke out da loot and my mouf popped open wide.
A wink of his
eye and a shine off his god toof
He cabbage patched his way back onto the
roof
He jumped in his hooptie with rims made of chrome
To tap that booty
waitin at home
and all I heard as he cruised outta sight
was a loud and
hearty.....
"WEEESST SIIIIDE!!!!!!!"
Q: How did the nigger cross the
road?
A: On another nigger's spear.
Q. Why don't sharks attack niggers?
A. They mistake them for whale shit.
Q: What color is a nigger after you
run over him in the street?
A: Flat black.
Q: Why is the NFL. going to
change to green footballs?
A: Did you ever hear of a black dropping a
watermelon?
Q: What is 10 niggers in bottom of river?
A: Pollution.
Q:
What is 10000000 in bottom of river?
A: Solution.
Two flies were having
a race across a nigger's lips. After each had won one race, they decided to
run a tie breaker. Panting, the one fly reached the finish line, only to
discover his friend had already arrived with time to spare. "How did you do
that?" he inquired. "I took a shortcut around his head."
Q: What do you
call three blacks at a skinhead barbecue?
A1: Charcoal.
A1: Kentucky
Fried Nigger
Q: Why do decent white folk shop at nigger yard sales?
A:
To get all their stuff back, of course!
Q: Why was the nigger acquitted
of the rape charge on the grounds
....of temporary insanity?
A: Because
when he got an erection, there was no blood left to flow
....to his brain!
Q: What do you call a white woman who dates a black man?
A: Color blind!
Q: Who were the three most famous women in black history?
A: Aunt Jemima,
Diana Ross, and Mother Fucker!
Q: What do nigger pimps and farmers have
in common?
A: They both need a hoe to stay in business!
Q: Why are the
palms and soles of black people white?
A: They were spray-painted while
assuming the position.
Q: What do you call a black rocket scientist?
A:
A nigger!
A Black priest and a white priest were arguing about what
colour God was. 
The argument was getting heated when one of their
parishioners
suggested they hold a combined prayer meeting and ask god.
"Tell us, oh God," they chanted. "If your holy presence could be
considered black or white!"
There was a pause and a great voice filled the
church and said,
"I am what I am!"
"Told you so!" said the white
preacher.
"What do you mean?" asked the black priest.
"Well," replied the
white priest. "If god was black he'd have said,
I is what I is, man!"
Q: What do you call a nigger with a mobile phone?
A: Thief! thief!
Q:
Hear about the new bumper sticker that says "Run, Jesse, Run"?
A: You put
it on the front of your car.
Q: Why does a nigger usually keep his fly
open?
A: In case he has to count to eleven.
"You know you're a hood
momma if?"
1. Your idea of high fashion is spandex and faux leopard
2.
Your nails are more than an inch long.
3. You've got a ring for every
finger and you wear them all at once.
4. Your jam is Missy's "Sock It to
Me."
5. You take your toddlers to "R"-rated movies.
6. You've been on
welfare more than three years.
7. You ever got your hair "did."
8. You
think you're high class cause you've had Cristal.
9. You named your kids
anything ending in "sha," as in Aiesha, Laquesha, Moesha.
10. Your name
ends in "sha."
11. Your man is in jail.
12. Your man just got out of
jail.
13. You ever threw a tv (or any other appliance) at a man.
14. You
ever crawled out of a club because a fight broke out.
15. You ever started
a fight in a club cause someone looked at your man.
16. You ever started a
fight cause you didn't like the way someone looked at you.
17. You'd
rather have a big screen tv than a computer.
18. You think blue contacts
look good on you.
19. You ever said, "I love-ded-ded my man."
20. You
ever said, "I love me some him."
21. You like a man with a gold tooth
22.
You've got a gold tooth.
23. You've worn more than one hairstyle at a time
(you know, finger waves on the left, crimps on the right, braids in the
back)
24. You've purchased buy 1, get 1 free shoes.
25. You carry your
baby on your hip.
26. You've got a baby on each hip.
27. You've ever
traded food stamps for anything.
28. You've got a boyfriend and a man on
the side.
29. You like to brag, "Ain't no shame in my game."
30. You
gotta go down the street to use the phone.
31. You've ever gone down to
your baby daddy's job to get money for pampers, milk, groceries, etc.
32.
You don't recycle newspapers but will recycle condoms
Q: What do you
call 100 parachuting niggers?
A: Skeet.
Q: What do niggers wear?
A:
What ever his master wants!
Q: Why is the black power sign a fist?
A:
Otherwise they would fall out of the trees.
Q: What do you call three
niggers in a jacuzzi?
A: Gorilla's in the Mist.
A black guy was driving
a Mercedes, when suddenly one tyres went flat.
While he was changing his
flat tyre another Negro came up behind him
and smashed the front window
saying: "'right brotha, you take dem tires,
I'll take the stereo!"
Q:
What did god say when he made his second nigger?
A: "Oops, burned another
one."
Q: How do you baby sit for nigger babies?
A: Wet their lips and
stick them to a window pane.
Q: What do nigger kids call the easter
bunny?
A: Dinner.
Q: What do you call an Ethiopian bunkbed?
A:
Venetian blinds.
Q: Why are they using niggers instead of laboratory
rats in experiments now?
A: They breed faster and you don't get so
attached to them.
Q: What does both Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles have
in common?
A: Their both niggers.
Q: Why aren't Stevie Wonder & Ray
Charles able to read?
A: Because they are both niggers.
Q: What's the
difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead
....nigger in the
road?
A: There's skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What do you call a
black test tube baby?
A: Janitor in a jar.
Q: What is the only thing
wrong with five niggers going off a cliff in a Cadillac?
A: The car holds
six.
Q: How do you starve a nigger?
A: Hide his welfare check under his
work boots.
Q: How do you keep a nigger out of the front yard?
A: You
hang one in the backyard.
Q: Do you know what the 4 tribes of niggers
are?
A: 1. Hodedo 2. Monback 3. Macheck 4. Motesah
A Hodedo is a nigger
running toward an elevator yelling "ho' 'de do', ho' 'de do'."
A Monback
is a nigger directing a trash truck "'mon back, 'mon back."
A Macheck is
a nigger in line at the welfare office. "ma' check, ma' check."
A
Motesah is a nigger waiter asking the diner "mo' tea sah, mo' tea sah?"
Q: What did the little nigger boy say when he had diarrhea?
A: "I'm
melting!" 
Q: Why do niggers wear wide-brimmed hats?
A: So pigeons
can't shit on their lips.
Q: How does an artist draw a South Central LA
gang member?
A: Outlined in chalk.
Q: Why does California have so many
fags and New York have so
....many niggers?
A: California had first
choice.
Q: Why don't niggers like convertibles?
A: Because their lips
flap in the wind.
Q: What do you get when you cross a nigger with a
chink?
A: Chigger.
Q: What do you call a white guy who wishes he was a
nigger?
A: Wigger
Q: Why do black men have such narrow hips?
A: So the
roasting pole won't wobble.
Q: Atlanta's mass transit system,
M.A.R.T.A., is an acronym for what?
A: Moving Apes Rapidly Through Atlanta
Q: What is the official name of Atlanta's 1-285 beltway?
A: Ring around
the Congo.
Q: What do you call a nigger with no arms & no legs?
A:
Harmless.
Q: Why did so many nigger soldiers get killed in Vietnam?
A:
Every time someone yelled "Get down!", the niggers would
....jump up and
start dancing.
Q: What is a black fortune cookie?
A: A piece of
cornbread with a food stamp in it.
A black man from New York decided one
day he wanted to be a Texas Ranger.
So he went through all the necessary
training and became a Ranger.
One day on his shift he was driving around
and hit a raccoon. He thought he had hit some sort of exotic animal, and
returned to the station upset. He described the animal to his fellows who
burst into spontaneous laughter.
"What kind of animal is it?" asked the
black Ranger.
"We'll give you a guess: It's something you've been called
all your life."
The black Ranger's eyes grew wide. "You mean, that's a
black motherfucker?!"
Q: How do you shoot a nigger in the head?
A: Aim
for the radio.
Q: What is eight miles long and has an IQ of 40?
A: The
"Martin Luther King Day" parade.
Q: How many niggers does it take to
wallpaper an average sized room?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.
Q: What qualifies as good behavior in a Harlem school?
A: Raising your
hand before you pop a cap in the teacher.
Q: What do you get when you
cross a nigger with a Vietnamese?
A: Nothing. There are some things even a
Vietnamese won't do.
Q: What's black and tan and looks good an a nigger?
A: A Doberman Pinscher.
What do you call an Ethiopian with a dime on his
head?
-Nail.
How about one with feather up his ass?
-Dart.
One with
buck teeth?
-Rake.
One with dirt in his mouth?
-Javelin.
One with a
stubbed toe?
-Three iron.
One with sesame seeds on her head?
-Quarter
Pounder.
One with sesame seeds on her and a vaginal disease?
-Quarter
Pounder with Cheese.
How many Ethiopians can you fit in a phone booth?
-All of 'em.
How many Ethiopians can you fit in a bathtub?
-I don't
know, they keep slipping down the drain.
What's the fastest animal in
the world?
-The Ethiopian chicken.
Did you hear about Evel Knieval's
new motorcycle stunt?
-He's going to ride through Ethiopia with a sandwich
tied to his back.
Why is it always good to get a blowjob from an
Ethiopian woman?
-You know she's gonna swallow.
Why do they keep a
bucket of shit out at every nigger wedding?
-To keep the flies off the
bride.
What's long and hard on a nigger?
-Second grade.
Why was golf
invented?
-So white people get a chance to dress like niggers.
There's
a nigger and spic in a car...who's driving?
-The cop.
What sign does a
epileptic nigger wear around his neck?
-"I am not breakdancing."
What
do you do with a nigger's dick when it's not hard?
-Jump rope.
Thanks
to Joe
Q: What do you call three niggers sittin' in a garden?
A:
Fertilizer.
Q: What do you call a nigger with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: What do you call a nigger with no brain?
A: Normal.
Q: How do you
get a nigger woman pregnant?
A: Come on her shoes and let the flies do all
the work.
Q: Why aren't there any black skiers?
A: Because their lips
explode at high altitude.
Q: Where did Vanessa Williams' parents pose
nude?
A: National geographic.
There's three guys sitting around a
campfire; a yuppie, a black man, and a cowboy.
The yuppie is drinking
Michelob, he jugs it down, throws the bottle in the air, pulls
out his
pistol, shoots the bottle and says, "This is the Life!" The black man is
drinking
Miller, jugs it down, throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his
pistol, shoots the bottle
and says, "Taste great!" The cowboy is drinking
Old Milwaukee, he jugs it down,
throws the bottle in the air, pulls out
his pistol, shoots the nigger in the head and says,
"This is the way it
was meant to be!!"
Q: How do you get a nigger to commit suicide?
A1:
Toss a bucket of KFC into traffic.
A2: End welfare.
Q: What do you call
a nigger at a skinhead rally?
A: Soon to be an ex-nigger.
Q: What's
black and white and red all over?
A: A Ku Klux Klan house-warming party!
What is the mother's name from the Jetson's?
-Judy
What is the father's
name?
-George
What is the son's name?
-Elroy
What is the daughter's
name?
-Jane
What is the dog's name?
-Astro
What is the black guy's
name?
-There isn't no black guy
*Isn't the future great!*
Q: How do
you get a nigger out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: How do you tell if
a nigger is lying?
A: See if his lips are moving.
Q: What do you call a
nigger with a ride on lawnmower?
A: Thieving nigger!
Q: What does
'Pontiac' stand for?
A: Poor Old Nigger Thinks It's A Cadillac.
Q: What
do you call a nigger in a tree with a bunch of monkeys?
A: Branch manager.
Q: What do you call a white cock in a black pussy?
A: Reverse evolution.
Q: What is blue, orange, pink, green, red and sits on my back porch?
A: My
nigger, I can paint him any colour I want.
Q: What are two things you
cant give a nigger?
A: An education and a job!
Q: What are two more
things you can't give a Nigger?
A: A black eye and a fat lip!
When a
white man dies, where does he go?
Heaven, and who does he meet?
St Peter,
and what does he give him?
Wings, and what does he call them?
ANGELS.
When a black man dies, where does he go?
Heaven, and who does he meet?
St
Peter, and what does he give him?
Wings, and does he call them?
BATS.
Q: Why don't niggers like headjobs?
A: They don't like any jobs.
Q:
What is printed on all African products?
A: "Untouched by human hands."
Q: Why do niggers have bigger dicks than whites?
A: Cause whites kids get
toys to play with at Christmas.
Q: Why do niggers hold their dick all
the time?
A: It's the only thing the white man left them with.
Q: What
does it say inside a nigger's lips?
A: "inflate to 20 psi."
Q: How many
niggers does it really take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It takes eight of
the little Porch Monkeys to sit on their ass and bitch about
....how much
work they have, until a white guy takes over and just changes the
....damn
thing, but then they shoot him dead and say he was oppressing them.
Q:
What do you call a black woman with braces?
A: A black & decker pecker
wrecker.
A doctor opened up an office in Harlem offering a radical
new
procedure called "decolorization". It promised to
lighten even the darkest
skin and eyes for the budget
price of $99.
Tyronne and Lionel saved up
their money, and with cash in
hand, went to the doctor with cash in hand.
In Tyronne went,
and in about a half hour, he emerged with white skin and
blonde hair. "Hey bro, you look smooth", Lionel said,
"Lookey here, I only
gots me $98. Can you spare the other
buck?".
Tyronne looked at him and
said, "Go get a job nigger!"
Q: What's a cocoon?
A: A bb black bastard.
(or a nn nigger)
Q: What do you get when you cross a nigger with a
monkey?
A: Nothing, no monkey is dumb enough to fuck a nigger.
Q: Why
do black women have such big purses?
A: To carry their lipstick.
Q:
What do you call a white guy surrounded by three blacks?
A: A victim.
Q:
What do you call a white guy surrounded by 10 blacks?
A: Coach
Q: What do
you call a white guy surrounded by 1000 blacks?
A: Warden
Q: What do
you call a conversation between Jesse Jackson & James Brown?
A: Gibberish.
Q: Why did the ape commit suicide?
A: He heard he may be descended from
niggers.
Q: What do you do if you see a nigger with half a head.
A:
Stop Laughing and reload.
Q: Why was the wheelbarrow invented in Africa?
A: So that the natives could learn to walk on their hind legs before
....being shipped to America.
Q: How do you drown a nigger?
A: Pop
their lips
Q: Why is life like a jar of jelly beans?
A: Nobody likes
the black ones.
Q: What do you call a thousand niggers on a football
field?
A: Afroturf.
Q: Why don't they circumcise niggers?
A: Because
there's no end to those pricks.
Q: Why did god create orgasms?
A: So
niggers know when to stop.
Q: Why did god give niggers rhythm?
A:
Because he fucked up their hair, nose and lips.
Q: What's the first
thing taught in a Harlem driving school?
A: How to unlock a car with a
coat hanger.
Q: Why do lions in Africa go around licking each other's
assholes?
A: To get the taste of niggers out of their mouths.
Q: What
do you call 32 niggers in a room?
A: A full set of teeth
Q: Why Does a
nigger carry two pieces of toilet paper in his wallet?
A: One for ID, and
the other is a picture of his mother!
Q: Why are so many niggers moving
to Detroit?
A: They heard there were no jobs there.
Q: What do you call
a black priest?
A: Holy Shit! 
Q: Why do kids prefer white teachers
over black teachers?
A: It is easier to bring an apple than a watermelon?
There was an Indian, a Cowboy, and a nigger sitting around a
campfire,
sharing a bottle of whisky. The Indian stands up to propose
a toast. He
says "Once we were many, now we are few." So the
nigger stands up and says
"Once we was few now we be many."
So then the cowboy gets up and says
"Yeah, but we haven't played
cowboys and niggers yet!"
Q: Why does an
Ethiopian sleep with his finger up his ass?
A: So that nobody steals his
breakfast.
Q: What is the New York State motto?
A: "Eat, Drink and be
Merry, for tomorrow you may be killed by a
....nigger in Central Park."
Q: What do you get if you cross a nigger with a pit bull terrier?
A: A
whiter neighborhood.
Q: What do you call a nigger in a park with his fly
open?
A: A rapist.
Q: Why is a nigger government worker like a shotgun
with a broken firing pin?
A: It won't work and you can't fire it.
Q:
What do you give a nigger women who has an abortion?
A: A $50 crime
stopper award!
Q: What's the hardest thing about eating a coconut?
A:
The sandals.
Q: What's the definition of worthless?
A: A 7'2" black
with a small prick, that can't play basketball.
Q: How come Jesse
Jackson lost the vote of most niggers?
A: He promised to create jobs for
them if elected.
Q: Why do they call a half-black half-white child a
mulatto?
A: They don't know whether it is a white shit on by a mule or a
black pissed on by two.
Q: What's green and pink and purple and orange
and black?
A: A nigger dressed for church.
Q: Why can't Nigger woman
become nuns?
A: Because they can't get used to saying 'superior' after
'Mother'.
Q: Did you hear about the recent tragedy in Ethiopia...
A:
Apparently a nuclear device was accidentally detonated. 3 million died in
the
....initial blast...12 million more died running towards the
mushroom!!
Q: When does a black man become a nigger?
A: As soon as he
leaves the room
--------------------------------
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--
Maurizio Sciamanna
Membro del "Luigino Fans Club" tessera n. 0002