Newsgroup: it.fan.scrittori.tolkien
Titolo: [OT] Ode to the spell checker

Leggo su altro newsgroup e segnalo una gustosa poesiola in inglese 
(immagino sia in giro da tempo, eh).
So che c'e' chi l'apprezzera'.
Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect in it's weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
http://www.ahajokes.com/eng003.html
-- 
Beleg@work (per scrivermi, togli ".bl")
"All the world will be your enemy, prince of the thousand enemies,
and if they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch 
you. Be canny and your people will never be destroyed..."

 So che c'e' chi l'apprezzera'.
Chi di spelling ferisce.... di pronunciation perisce.
Dai un'occhiata a quest'altro, un po' piu' antiquato (scritto prima
dell'avvento dei "pea sea").
Niphredil
Dearest creature in creation
Studying English pronunciation, 
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse 
I will keep you, Susy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy. 
Tear in eye your dress you'll tear,
So shall I! Oh, hear my prayer, 
Pray, console your loving poet,
Make my coat look new, dear, sew it! 
Just compare heart, beard and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word, 
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written). 
Made has not the sound of bade,
Say said, pay-paid, laid, but plaid. 
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as vague and ague, 
But be careful how you speak,
Say break, steak, but bleak and streak. 
Previous, precious, fuchsia, via,
Pipe, snipe, recipe and choir, 
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe. 
Hear me say, devoid of trickery:
Daughter, laughter and Terpsichore, 
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles.
Exiles, similes, reviles. 
Wholly, holly, signal, signing.
Thames, examining, combining 
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war, and far. 
From "desire": desirable--admirable from "admire."
Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier. 
Chatham, brougham, renown, but known.
Knowledge, done, but gone and tone, 
One, anemone. Balmoral.
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel, 
Gertrude, German, wind, and mind.
Scene, Melpomene, mankind, 
Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather,
Reading, reading, heathen, heather. 
This phonetic labyrinth
Gives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth. 
Billet does not end like ballet;
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet; 
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would. 
Banquet is not nearly parquet,
Which is said to rime with "darky." 
Viscous, Viscount, load, and broad.
Toward, to forward, to reward. 
And your pronunciation's O.K.,
When you say correctly: croquet. 
Rounded, wounded, grieve, and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive, and live, 
Liberty, library, heave, and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven, 
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed. 
Mark the difference, moreover,
Between mover, plover, Dover, 
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police, and lice. 
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label, 
Petal, penal, and canal,
Wait, surmise, plait, promise, pal. 
Suit, suite, ruin, circuit, conduit,
Rime with "shirk it" and "beyond it." 
But it is not hard to tell,
Why it's pall, mall, but Pall Mall. 
Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron,
Timber, climber, bullion, lion, 
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, and chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor, 
Ivy, privy, famous, clamour
And enamour rime with hammer. 
Pussy, hussy, and possess,
Desert, but dessert, address. 
Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants.
Hoist, in lieu of flags, left pennants. 
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home. 
Stranger does not rime with anger.
Neither does devour with clangour. 
Soul, but foul and gaunt but aunt.
Font, front, won't, want, grand, and grant. 
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say: finger.
And then: singer, ginger, linger, 
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, age. 
Query does not rime with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury. 
Dost, lost, post; and doth, cloth, loth;
Job, Job; blossom, bosom, oath. 
Though the difference seems little,
We say actual, but victual. 
Seat, sweat; chaste, caste.; Leigh, eight, height;
Put, nut; granite, and unite. 
Reefer does not rime with deafer,
Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer. 
Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late,
Hint, pint, Senate, but sedate. 
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific, 
Tour, but our and succour, four,
Gas, alas, and Arkansas. 
Sea, idea, guinea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria, 
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean,
Doctrine, turpentine, marine. 
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion with battalion. 
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay. 
Say aver, but ever, fever.
Neither, leisure, skein, receiver. 
Never guess--it is not safe:
We say calves, valves, half, but Ralph. 
Heron, granary, canary,
Crevice and device, and eyrie, 
Face but preface, but efface,
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass. 
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust, and scour, but scourging, 
Ear but earn, and wear and bear
Do not rime with here, but ere. 
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen, 
Monkey, donkey, clerk, and jerk,
Asp, grasp, wasp, and cork and work. 
Pronunciation--think of psyche--!
Is a paling, stout and spikey, 
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing "groats" and saying "grits"? 
It's a dark abyss or tunnel,
Strewn with stones, like rowlock, gunwale, 
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict, and indict! 
Don't you think so, reader, rather,
Saying lather, bather, father? 
Finally: which rimes with "enough"
Though, through, plough, cough, hough, or tough? 
Hiccough has the sound of "cup."
My advice is--give it up! 
-- 
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Per tutto c'e` la giusta soluzione:
    ================================================================
             A PLAN FOR THE IMPROVEMENT OF ENGLISH SPELLING
                             by Mark Twain
For example,  in Year 1 that useless  letter "c" would be  dropped to be
replased either by "k" or "s",  and likewise "x" would no longer be part
of the alphabet.  The only kase in which "c" would  be retained would be
the "ch" formation, which will be  dealt with later. Year 2 might reform
"w" spelling, so  that "which" and "one" would  take the same konsonant,
wile Year  3 might  well abolish "y"  replasing it  with "i" and  Iear 4
might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.
Jenerally, then, the improvement would  kontinue iear bai iear with Iear
5  doing awai  with  useless double  konsonants,  and Iears  6-12 or  so
modifaiing  vowlz and the  rimeining voist  and unvoist  konsonants. Bai
Iear 15 or  sou, it wud fainali  bi posibl tu meik ius  ov thi ridandant
letez "c", "y"  and "x" -- bai now  jast a memori in the  maindz ov ould
doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.
Fainali,  xen, aafte  sam 20  iers ov  orxogrefkl riform,  wi wud  hev a
lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
    ================================================================
Saluti,
Luca Polo.
-- 
Three witches watch three Swatch watches.
Which witch watch which Swatch watch?
Three Swedish switched witches watch three Swiss Swatch watch witches.
Which Swedish switched witch watch which Swiss Swatch watch Switch?