Newsgroup: it.discussioni.commercialisti
Titolo: OT: Nutella (lungo)

DE INUTILITATE NASCONDIMENTI BARATTOLORUM NUTELLAE AB ILLUSIBUS MAMMIS
Nutella omnia divisa est in partes tres:
Unum: Nutella in vaschettorum plasticae.
Duum: Nutella in vitreis bicchieribus custoditam.
Treum:Nutella sita in magnum barattolorum (magno barattolo si,
sed melium est si magno Nutella IN barattolo).
Nutella placet omnibus pueris atque puellis, sed, si troppa
Nutella fagocitare cicciones divenire, cutaneis eructionibus
sottostare et brufolos peticellosque supra faciae tua stratos
formare atque, ipso facto, diarream cacarellamque subitaneam
venire. Propterea quod familiares, et mamma in particulare,
semper Nutella celat in impensabilis locis ut eviteant filiis
sbafare, come soliti sunt. Sed domanda spontanea nascet: si mamma
contraria est filiales sbafationes, perche' Nutella comprat et
postea celat? Intelligentiore fuisse non comprare manco per
nihil... sed forse mammae etiam Nutella sbafant: celatio altrum
non est vendetta vendetta trasversalis materna propterea quod ea
stessa victima fuit, sua volta matris suae. "Sic heri tua mamma
Nutella celavit,sic hodie celis filiis tuis". Sed populus totus
cognoscit ingenium puerorum si in ballo Nutella est: vista
felinos similante habent ut scruteant in tenebris credentiarium;
manes prensiles - canibus superior- per Nutellam scovare inter
mucchios anonimarum marmellatarum fructarum. Memento semper:
filius, inevitabile, Nutella scovat sed non semper magnat.
Infactum, fruxtratione maxima filii si habet quando filius scovat
barattolum sed hoc barattolus novus atque sigillatus est,
propterea quod si filius aprit ed intaccat barattollum intosum,
sputtanatus fuisse (Eh! Erat novus...). Hoc res demonstrat
omnibus mammis nascondimentos novorum barattolorum Nutellae
fatica sprecata esse. Non fruxtratione maxima, sed notevole
incavolatio si habet si filius ritrovat barattolum quasi vacuum,
giusto cum Nutella et alcunam partem manducare non potest quod
barattolum vacuum buttatum fuisse ab mamma, non conservatum, inde
semper minumum fondum Nutellae rimanendum est. Hoc res demonstrat
omnibus mammis nascondimentos quasi vacuorum barattolorum
Nutellae ulteriore fatica sprecata al quadratum esse. Unica
possibilitas felicitatis filii est rinvenire barattolorum medio
vacuum et medio plenum, in hoc modo dues o tres cucchiailli
Nutellae videantur sbafandi sunt. Sed, pos sbafationem, ad
editantum sgamati esse memorandae sunt smucinatio atque
mischiatio Nutellae rimaste ut si fingeat nemo toccavit nemo
magnavit. Etiam, primaria importatiae res, cucchiaillos lavare
asciugareque ne tracciam ullam lasciare. Hac tertia ipotesis
unica ragione est pro fatica mammarum, sed ulteriore domandae
spontaneae nascunt. Ne valet la penam? Hoc casinum toto per tres
cucchiaillos fetentos Nutellae? Qui ve lo facit fare? Et postea,
postea, non vi lamentatis si filii provati astinentiarum
Nutellarum, drogaturi sunt! Ullae lacrimae coccodrillarum
accettatae sunt: non dicite non advertendi non fuissimus.
NUTELLA
Once upon a time, many, many, many, m... na cifra of many years
ago, at the beginning of the initiation of the mond, there was
the caos. One day, God (God is the nome d'art of Dio), God, who
was disoccupated, had a folgorant idea and so God created the
Nutell. And God saw that the Nutell was good, very good, very
very good, good'na cifra. The mangiation of God was long. He
manged one million of barattols of Nutell sfrutting the fact that
God has not a Mamm that strills if you sbaff too much Nutell...
And after this mangiation, God invented the Water Closed Run, the
cors in the cabinet, and some Nutell's derivates like the red
bubbons, the panz, the cellulit and ceter, and ceter. After di
which (dopodichè) he invented Adamo ed Eva and all the paradise
and he diss to Adamo and Eva: - Now you have all the Paradise,
you can do everything, very tutt: you have the permission to eat,
to drink, to kiss, to scop; nothing lavor, nothing affit, nothing
concors of impiegats, nothing cod alla post, nothing IRPEF, ILOR.
Only very ozious life: television, telenovels, football, moviols,
process of Monday, appell of Tuesday, cassazion of Wednesday, and
ceter, and ceter. You have gratis restaurants, cinemas, theaters,
all the Paradise is yours: air-conditioned, autom riscaldament,
moquette, parquett, tresset, bidet, omelette, eccet, eccet....
Ther's just one thing, remember, in tutt the Paradise just one
thing absolutely prohibited. Come, come to me in the giardin:
this is "the Nocciol", the alber of the Nutell. Only this alber
of the Nutell is prohibited, because I like the Nutell very much,
very very much, much 'na cifra and I want all the Nutell, tutt
the Nutell for me." During the prim temps, Adamo and Eva were
very happy. Adamo said: - What a cool! ("cool" is not in Italian
"freddo", no, "What a cool" means "Che cul") All the Paradise is
nostr! And everyday, ognigiorn, they discovered something new. A
lot of scoperts, many scoperts, many many scoperts, 'na cifra di
scoperts. One day the scopert of the hot water, one day the
scopert of the spaghettis, one day the cigarettes, and ceter, and
ceter. But one day, a trist day, a very very trist day, trist 'na
cifra, Adamo and Eva fecer the scopert of the first colazion. And
after the scopert of the cappuccin, the scopert of the aranch
succ, the scopert of the cornetts, they understood that something
was mancant. - Eva! - said Adamo - Don't you think that qualcos
is mancant here, proprio here, 'ncopp this fett? - Second me -
Eva risposed - 'ncopp the fett you have to metter burr and
marmelade. - No, no Eva, you know that the marmelade schif
myself. I want 'ncopp this fett something very particular, very
very particular, particular 'na cifra. What do you think about
the Nutell? - No, Adamo you are scording that the Signor said
that's vietat! - Yes, I remember, but only a little assaggiation,
don't succed nothing! And Adamo sces in the cortil where the
alber of the Nutell was and he pres a small barattol and spalmed
the brown cream on the fett and assagged the Nutell.Adamo and Eva
don't ebber the time to exprimer the godiment that the tuons and
fulmins apparved in the ciel and one voice said: - Potevamo
stupirv you with special effects, but I'm God, not Fantagod!
Adamo, Eva, come here! Im very incazz with you, very very incazz,
incazz 'na cifra! How did you permit to tocc the Nutell? Didn't
you remember that it was prohibited? - Cazz! - esclamed Adamo -
It was prohibited! Oh, sorry, God, I'm very very sorry, sorry 'na
cifra, God, I really really was completely scordat... - Don't do
that fint tont, Adamo, I'm God, I can see everything, very tutt,
and I know that you and the woman have deliberatament assaggiated
the Nutell. So you have a big punhition, a very castig for your
peccat. But siccom I'm sconfinatly good, you can choose, you have
two scelts: Scelt number
1: Nothing Nutell for ever and ever in the secols of the secols,
amen! - Nooo! - Eva was piagnucoling - It's a thing very tragic,
very very tragic, tragic 'na cifra! - Aspett! - said God "Don't
be frettolous woman... Scelt number
2: You can take the Nutell, no problem, let's prend, prend, but
for you is the cacciation out of the Paradise. You will have to
lavorar with the sudor of your front, you will zapp the terr,
you'll have mal of schien and, like this don't bastass, everytime
you will mang Nutell, the malediction of the brufols, of the mal
of panch, of the cacarel will be cadent on you. - Azz! -
esclaimed Adamo - Thank you God, thank you, we don't interess the
cacciation dal Paradise, the important is to have the Nutell!
Goodbye! Ciao, Ciao! And so Adamo and Eva were cacciated and this
original peccat and this malediction cadded on lor and on lor
discendents, and on the discendents of the discendents. Infact,
tutt'ogg, you can veder in the pubblicity all the ragazz that per
aver one fett of pan and Nutell they scalan the mountains they
stay in a tend al fredd and al gel and ceter, and ceter. But the
final pensier of tutti noi is: - It's meglio faticar and soffrir
with the Nutell piuttost che the Terrestr Paradise senz the
Nutell.

 DE INUTILITATE NASCONDIMENTI BARATTOLORUM NUTELLAE AB ILLUSIBUS MAMMIS
Mmmm mi sono ingrassato di un chilo!!!!
E mi ha anche addolcito la pillola dei preavvisi telematici testè giunti:
5!!!!!!
Va beh, cominciamo a esaminarli va...... :(
--
Francesco Coloccini
Cancella LE TRACCE per scrivermi...
Ricordo solo tre parole: sole, cuore....... IIIIILOOOOOORRR
Tutto il resto è IMHO!

Ora mi hai fatto venir voglia di nutella.
Mi sa che stasera esco dallo studio prima che chiuda il supermercato........
:-))
ciao
Valeria


ROTFL! Anche tu "cliente" di ihu?
lupastic

 ROTFL! Anche tu "cliente" di ihu?
lurko

Nutella omnia divisa est in partes tres:
Che risate che facevo una decina d'anni fa leggendo questi testi agli
amici! :)))))
C'è anche quello sulla favola (di cappuccetto rosso, mi pare) e quello
di Sancho Panza. Se li trovo in alcune vecchie stampe (stampante
rigorosamente ad aghi) magari li ricopio. 
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