Newsgroup: it.arti.musica.rock
Titolo: alcune regole per cantare Blues

HOW TO SING THE BLUES by Lame Mango Washington
(Attributed to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle "Big Daddy" Plunky,
revisions by Little Blind Patti D. and Dr. Stevie Franklin)
1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick
something nasty in the next line, like "I got a good woman, with the meanest
face in town."
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then
find something that rhymes ... sort of: "Got a good woman - with the meanest
face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she weigh 500 pound."
4. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a
ditch; ain't no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't
travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation
is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored
motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the
blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing
the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric
chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Palm Springs, Hawaii or
any place in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression.
Chicago, St.Louis, Memphis and Kansas City still the best places to have the
Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male
pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues.
Breaking your leg cuz you cracked it jumping out of a moving rail car is.
9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is
wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass
Bad places:
a. Ashrams
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses
11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen
to be old, black and you slept in it.
12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. you're older than dirt
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied
No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you look like a CEO or management of any kind
c. the man in Memphis lived.
d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund.
13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods
cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people also got a leg
up on the blues.
14. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other
acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. mixed drinks (especially when made with liqueurs)
b. kosher wine
c. Snapple
d. sparkling water
15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death.
Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is
the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot.
You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting
liposuction.
16. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling
17. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie
18. Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, Auburn, Tiffany and Rainbow
can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
19. Make your own Blues name (starter kit):
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,etc.)
c. last name of a President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc.
Well, maybe not kiwi..........
Definitely not "Kiwi."

 wrote:
(cuttone)
Mi sento chiamata in causa...
c'e' una regola sola per cantare il blues, caro Max Switters: averlo
dentro di se', e chi se ne sbatte se non hai mai ucciso nessuno a
Memphis...
Sanciok



Eheheh, ti sei incazzata perché ti hanno toccato il blues:-)) Ma dai,
a me è sembrata simpatica. Un modo divertente di elencare i luoghi
comuni sul Blues. E poi prova a togliere il blues dal rock e dal jazz
e che ti rimane?? La Polka?:-)
Ciao
NiGHt[P]
http://rebiolca.splinder.it


http://rebiolca.splinder.it
***
Iskra Sanciok
***
"You can think by yourself"
           says God from Heaven
Talking to all 70 thousand
  Billion Four Thousand
  Eighty Two Trillions
  Of Creatures in his Movie
Called "Creation"
(J. Kerouac, Cerrada Medellin Blues)


*** ti sbagli. Confermo che per cantare il blues bisogna aver
necessariamente accoppato un uomo a Memphis. Te lo dissi pure in chat sotto
Natale :-)
boogie on!
UCTS <°(((((><
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