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if a 19yo guy was to commit suicide, would his 8 year old brother(who loves his brother the most) be mentally distressed? would the little kid feel lot of pain from the loss or would they simply be able to just over it?

please answer this

aqy9yx

as a therapist i can say without a doubt the 8 year old brother would almost certainly be damaged and hurt by this for the rest of their life. if you're the 19 year old in this scenario, seek help immediately. so long as you're still breathing there's always a chance of things getting better. i can say that i was suicidal fairly often between the ages of 14-20. i'm 32 now. at the time (14-20) it was so hard to be thinking about the future. i'm so happy i never completed suicide because at least now i can see all the things i would've missed out on. things that have made my life more than worth living despite struggling with adhd and pretty bad mood swings.

mentalhealth

aqy9yx

my ex boyfriend and i dated for four years, we broke up about a year ago. he was emotionally abusive, as well as sexually abusive. i had woken up with him inside of me, continuing after saying no. *[i was raised in a abusive household, where my mother was also abused so i didn't think i there was anything wrong with the way my ex boyfriend treated me.]* my ex boyfriend, put me down a lot and isolated me from my friends and family. i had tried to break up with him, but he manipulated me into staying on more than one occasion. he would be angry and jealous about me spending time with my friends, and would insist to go with. however, my friends would decline or cancel plans with me when they found out about his attendance. my friends expressed concern but i was deluded enough at the time to believe i loved him and he loved me. when i was finally able to break up with him, i told him we were broken up, but we could talk about things in a week-like where we stand (friends or not), he agreed. however, i became quickly attacked with endless phone calls and text messages. when i wouldn't engage his behavior at first, he showed up at my house unannounced, banging on my door. he has reason for this trip, he was dropping my personal items off on my porch, but then insisted i had to tell him why we broke up, and that he deserved an explanation. i told him he needed to leave my property. he did but only to return five minutes later. he was banging on the door again, telling me i owed it to him. i told him he needed to leave, i was home alone and half asleep-as he had woken me from a dead sleep. i was scared and sent him away, hoping he wouldn't return. he returned once more, conveniently to drop off more of my personal belongings. still angry and insisting i have to speak with him. *i never let him in the house- we have a locked screen door and a wooden door, i cracked open the wooden door to speak to him only*. i told him this time if he returned to my property the police would be called. i was petrified to leave my house anywhere alone. but the threat of the police kept him away for the moment. he still continued to harass me through electronic communication, going between "i love you come back" to "i am the only one that cares about you, no one else loves you". he asked my mom, and more than one of my friends to speak to me on his behalf for forgiveness. i told him if he didn't leave me and my family alone i would get a restraining order, and things seemed quiet for a little bit. it wasn't until he happened to show up at the same place i did, that i realized it wasn't that simple. he claimed it was coincidence. later, his best friend confronted me, providing me text messages between him and my ex. he told me flat out "he is stalking you". when i blocked my ex off of facebook, his used his best friends account to find me and my location via "find friends". with this he managed to follow me places, and this included sitting around the corner in his truck while i was at my friends house, waiting for me to come out. it got to the point, where legal action had to be taken, after finding out about what his best friend eluded to. i already struggle with mental illness-so all of my pre-existing anxiety was through the roof. panic attacks were close together and intense. i passed out because i saw a truck i thought looked like his (not even close-different model and color). this was all during the restraining order process and after. once he was served, i didn't hear anything from him [i was protected under a temporary order]. however, when we went to court-he showed up and served me that day so the trial had to be pushed. what he served me included letters from his family, his mom and two of his sisters and his own letter. these letters trying to make me seem as though i am the abuser, that i always made him unhappy and they expressed concern, that it was my mental illness that made him unhappy and that he did not do anything wrong and i was making some sort of sick joke. once the three hearings were done(it took three to finish it), i went up there alone, i did not have any letters from anyone, i had my own deposition and all the text messages for proof and i came in with one person sitting in the audience for me. he came in with a witness (one of the sisters that wrote a letter against) and four family members-along with his letters. so after these three hearings, i got a restraining order- it was evident he lied in court documents because i had evidence to prove otherwise and when asked about the stalking, he admitted guilt-which he denied in the letter. after all of this, i got a restraining order-while it makes/made me feel better-it doesn't return my piece of mine. it's been almost a year since the breakup and the stalking started and i am over the relationship but my peace of mine was taken and i can't seem to get it back. i see a therapist and a psychiatrist, as much as i can fiscally afford. but i still can see and feel and hear these things happening in my head, and i can't not be afraid when i see a truck that looks close to his. i am wondering if anyone has experienced similar? or has suggestions on how i could find my way back to having some peace of mind? **tdlr;** my abusive ex-boyfriend of four years stalked me and i got a restraining order, but i still can't find any peace of mind[i do receive professional treatment]. do you have similar experiences? do you have anything that could help?

my[25/f] ex-boyfriend [23/m] of four years stalked me and it's effecting my mental health

64424f

dv therapist here. great job with the restraining order. above all else, you need to stick to a safety plan. 3 places you can go if he's at your home, and safe contacts like friends and family. if he ever breaks the restraining order don't feel afraid to notify the police. get ready to document and record anything. continue working on appropriate barriers between you and the abusive partner to make sure you have a healthy, distant relationship with him. and that's awesome that you're in treatment. dv treatment is all about taking control of your life back. your abusive partner took away your power and control through his abusive behaviors, and it takes time to gain that control back. allow yourself to feel emotions, and continue to recognize the ways he was abusive. you're fully capable of moving past the abuse, i promise you. it just takes time. you're already past the hardest part. good luck!

mentalhealth

64424f

i'm at a loss. i've been working with this sponsee for maybe a year. there's been multiple relapses but she keeps calling and doing the work (in a passive aggressive way). but there's been a few occasions where she's said some pretty hurtful things. it's obvious she's coming from a very broken place and she's a master at what i think of as victim isolation - as in i push everyone away and then live in a world of 'poor me, i'm so alone, no one understands'. my trouble is i'm not sure how to deal, i have a health condition that is exacerbated by stress and this is becoming stressful. it also means that i have limited energy later in the day, but that's the only time she seems to be able to call. i don't like to think of quitting on someone in pain - who is turning up, but i can't go on like this for much longer. it's taking up too much head space. there's a lot of control stuff coming up and that (to me) is the opposite of surrender. i've started al-anon meetings, in addition to speaking with other members and spoken with my sponsor. update: it's done, the relief is enormous. and i get some new fellowships out of the experience and learned a fucktonne about boundaries.

passive aggressive sponsee

8crz85

if your own mental and physical health is threatened by a sponsee, get rid of her... she more than likely needs a higher level of care...i.e. counseling

redditorsinrecovery

8crz85

i have very sporadically attended aa since i first quit drinking in december. i have made up many excuses to not attend (some of them valid but, in the end, just need to do it; it hasn't been impossible). i have been trying to find a young person meeting that fits my schedule that is close enough to attend but not in my town in case i see anyone i know. tonight, there is a young people aa meeting tonight in my area that i can easily attend. i am going to go to this meeting. please help me go to this meeting. countless days i have found a meeting, mapped out directions, planned my schedule around it, even told my family that i was going, but ultimatley backed out. i end up feeling extreme anxiety about going, and back out knowing that i will not drink tonight. i know i probably *could* do this on my own, but, it will ultimately be easier with the support of others (and as great as this sub has been, i need some face to face interaction with sober people). i am even feeling fearful of posting this because i know that if i do not go, i will be held accountable and that is something that just feels overwhelming to me. i am walking a line of trying to be nice to myself and not set unrealistic expectations but also work through anxiety and put my sobriety first. idk. this truly looks like a great meeting for me, and sunday is my only day consistently off so i could easily make it my regular meeting. i want to go. i will go to this meeting. ps - does your sponsor have to be, like, significantly older than you? hmmm, maybe i can plan a reward for after? if i go to this meeting, i will...

just asking for some accountability

215mwa

my advice to you is to not handcuff yourself to young people meetings. i feel as though it important for me to get a perspective from people of all ages. especially as a young person is sobriety. on the sponsorship note, i am a 19 year old who sponsors a couple mid to upper 20 year-olds. the most important quality in a sponsor is they have what you want.

stopdrinking

215mwa

i'm having problems with forgiving somebody who in the past was an incredibly close friend. we've both done things to upset each other, and i don't feel like i've not acknowledged my own guilt in the situation, if anything my guilt broke me and actually lead to me being hospitalised and consequently diagnosed. i currently live with him, and we are currently no longer on speaking terms due to a number of different things, but i know that they are all trivial and i need to get past them, i just don't know how. i have so much anger and hate that on one part makes me feel as if i forgive him, that means he gets off guilt free, and doesn't even begin to understand the pain he's put me through. but holding on and being passive aggressive for the next 6 months of our tenancy is just going to make me miserable, and i'm scared it will make the other 6 people we live with miserable too. it's a long and complicated story, and the housemates we share with are too involved in the situation through their own personal opinions on the matter, but i know they will be able to eventually let them go. but of course, bpd and me just being me means that i'm angry 99% of the time, and i can't seem to shake it. i don't want to see him as the victim but should i? i see his side of the argument but then instead of forgiving, i just feel insane levels of guilt again, there's no middle ground, and end up hating myself instead of him. i guess i just wondered if any others had some success stories in forgiving people they really didn't want to forgive?

anyone else find forgiving people extremely difficult?

3xpkv7

i do not have bpd but i have a difficult time forgiving. i remind myself of this story and visualize myself going through it until i feel like i have let it go. ducks do not hold grudges. two ducks swim in a pond and come upon another. they start fighting. they quack, and bite, and flap their wings at each other. when the fight is done, they swim off in two different directions, stopping briefly. they raise up and flap their wings, then continue out on their way. once the ducks flap their wings, they leave everything behind and swim off in peace. they do not continue hating the other duck, and they are no longer burdened. i play this story in my head, thinking if the thing i know i need to forgive and feeling the negative emotions. i then imagine flapping my wings and letting those things go. from that point on, i make a conscious effort to turn my attention away from any thoughts that try to revisit that past "wrong". and it does take effort. my mind may naturally want to think about past wrongs, but by changing the focus of my thoughts i force my brain to change it's pattern. and it has become easier. i still have moments that are as hard as the beginning, but i'm just happy to have some change. i should note, don't try to lump a whole bunch of things together. take it one at a time. each moment needs to be processed, or "themes" need to be processed.

bpd

3xpkv7

i have started going to therapy and even though i don't usually cry when i am alone i seem to turn into a water fountain when i have to talk about my problems. what i've told her is literally just the tip of the iceberg but she already seemed pretty emotional about it. im afraid and i'm pretty sure i'm unable to talk about the other things ive been struggling with for the past 5 plus years because a) it's pretty bad and i mean bad b) i'm afraid of the way she will react and c) i'm afraid of having too many mental problems to fix. basically i have a lot of weird intrusive thoughts that i can't seem to control and that are directed towards people i know and love. i've began to suspect i suffer from ocd but because i went so long without asking for help my thoughts started escalating and getting worse. they have started to interfere with the way i act, the way i see myself and my perfromance at school... its beginning to be too much to handle. i'm actually afraid that my constant thinking is causing damage to my brain. im thinking of writing everything down and giving it to her at the end of a session just looking for some reassurance tbh

[f 17] too many mental issues to fix

dnj21p

therapy isn't about "fixing," it's more of teaching you ways to be able to cope with things from the past and giving you tools to use in the future when things come up. mental health is not your fault, but it is your responsibility. people can live "normal" lives with mental health disorders. it just takes time to find what works for you. it is best to be upfront and honest with your counselor. you will get out of therapy what you put in.

mentalhealth

dnj21p

my girlfriend and i have been dating for a while and i'm very happy. we are in our 20s and both in school and work. naturally we're pretty busy but we make time for each other the best we can. she's from another state about 4 hours away but lives here now. of course she misses her family and stuff and was planning to visit them for 2 weeks this month. she just told me today that things have changed and she's going home next week. i got pretty upset because i had a few days off that week and i was planning some stuff with her before the summer ends. i told her i wished she had at least checked in with me and asked if i had anything planned or thought of me at all when scheduling this. she called me controlling after that and got mad and said she can do what she wants. i just don't see what i did wrong? if i was planning to go away for 2 weeks i wouldn't just suddenly tell her a few days before without considering her at all. i'd ask if that's a good week to go away and take her into consideration.

am i being controlling?

6po4o3

not controlling. just different sentiments about the situation

relationship_advice

6po4o3

hello. i've been debating in my head for a while on whether or not to end my own life. my internal debates are not based on some great emotional trauma, rather a feeling of not belonging. anyways, some background info: i'm 14, at the moment nearly failing my freshman year of highschool, and apparently clinically depressed. i've never been a particularly hard worker, i just never really saw the point. i can't see my life going anywhere, because as i currently am, i would most likely not make it in any professional practices. i also think i have an emotional problem, i.e. i can't feel emotions very well. the last time i felt anything close to happiness was when i got my puppy, about a month ago. other than that, no real happiness, anger (although some times slight irritation), or anything else, besides occasional sadness. at the moment really the only thing stopping me from ending it is my dog, and knowing how it would emotionally destroy my parents. right now school is a big pressure on me, and while i'm told i am smart enough to do the work, i never really feel the motivation to. i also have no friends, and am socially inept. i've never really seen a point to school, and always had a feeling that for me, it wouldn't really matter (whether that means i will end my life before i could use these skills, or become fabulously wealthy off some outlandish idea, i couldn't say.) i'm also late a lot, and have to go to court soon for it. everyone around me, besides my parents, seems to think that i'm fine emotionaly. i guess i conceal things well. i also talk to a psychologist, but never really about suicide, though i probably should. sorry if this jumps around a bit, i'm tired and about to go to sleep. in the morning i'll check to see if anyone has any amazing insights to what is me or just any questions, although likely there'l be nothing at all. thank you for reading this all.

i just... don't think i'm right for life.

rqh6z

as someone who works in mental health- i would encourage you to talk to your psychologist about this. don't worry about freaking them out- they are trained to discuss it with you. what you seem to describe does sound a lot like depression- and i want to tell you that depression does get better- especially if you seek help for it. depression has a way of clouding how we view about things. teenagers often do feel heightened levels of emotional distress. sorry for nerding out here, but that is often because of how our brain develops. the amygdala, basically where we experience emotions and process them, develops much sooner than the prefrontal cortex, which is where rational thought occurs. basically- we are programmed to feel alot of the things you're feeling before we are able to deal with them. life, especially, high school can suck. however- i'd encourage you to see it through. this is still just the beginning of your life- and i just hope that you ride it out, shitty as it can be, until you open a new chapter of your life. things suck, but they can also get better amigo.

suicidewatch

rqh6z

f 20s history of anorexia and bulimia but trying to overcome it i have been trying to take supplements to reduce effects of malnutrition i have had. i have been feeling horribly fatigued and depressed, so i started to take daily: prenatal vitamins, fish oil, a b50 pill with all the b vitamins, and an iron supplement. i wonder if it is too much though. this is gross, but after i added the b pill my pee has turned really weird bright yellow. but someone told me b gives you energy. anyway, this got me wondering if you could overdose on vitamins?

overdose on vitamins?

9idjhu

it's possible to overdose on vitamins, but it takes either huge doses or long periods of time. taking multivitamins as recommended isn't going to do that. the bright yellow urine is produced by riboflavin (b2), specifically by the fact that you can't absorb all of it and so it's excreted and visible in urine. b vitamins don't give you energy. they can help reduce fatigue if the fatigue is due to vitamin deficiency, but otherwise they don't help. if you have symptoms, especially with a history (recent?) of eating disorders, i urge you to see a doctor for diagnosis and help treating whatever is causing them.

askdocs

9idjhu

i'm going to ask my psychiatrist when i see her next tuesday but i was hoping for your guys' opinions on whether this is an official diagnosis or not. today i received a letter (dated 4th february - laaaaate) from my ex-psychiatrist with an analysis of the time he had me as his client. the first heading is "diagnosis" and directly underneath that is a mental health disorder but it is then followed by a list of other things including "cognitive dissociation", "psuedo hallucinations" and "phobic anxiety when in public places (agoraphobia)". would you say this means i have been officially diagnosed with it or... well... what? thank you for your time.

how do i now if my diagnosis is official?

21hw6p

speaking as a clinician: diagnoses can evolve as the psychologist/psychiatrist/therapist gets to know you more. this may be due to them getting to know you more/getting more information, or it may be due to new events, etc.

mentalhealth

21hw6p

basically, my doctor keeps forgetting to refill my needles prescription, so i can’t take accompanying medicine. it’s extremely obnoxious, playing phone tag with him, the pharmacy, the insurance company etc. seriously, i have spent hours just trying to get my prescriptions filled. i got fed up and just ordered a bunch online. they look legitimate and new(individually wrapped), same brand i was prescribed etc. however, i know counterfeits are a thing, so i’m just wondering if there is any real risk here. can i catch anything? 35yo male 6’ 250lbs hypogonadism.

are there any real risks with buying needles online?

blykjw

costco pharmacy (here in california) doesn't require a prescription for syringes with needles.

askdocs

blykjw

now i'm afraid they'll pressure me to give them my meds. i'm usually pretty good with peer pressurebut there is a group project coming up and i get along with this group the best. i don't want to screw myself over later on.

accidentally revealed i have to classmates who used adderal to study

aqzr07

i just tell folks "dude, i got it so bad that having to go a day without isn't worth any money you'd pay me for it." that's not exactly true but usually they understand.

adhd

aqzr07

hi there. we have been friends for a year and over the last 3 months we have been getting steadily more and more romantic. he was living some hours away until about a month ago, he moved to my neighborhood. so now we hang out several times a week and chat a bit every day and we have a really special connection. we generally just get each other and we can talk about everything and we have so much fun. it's been really intense. also at some point (~1 month ago) i made him choose between friendship and romance - because it was rather ambiguous to me, and he is a bit of the "flows with the wind" kinda guy (obviously he chose romance). he got out of a long-termer back in november and was planning on only spending 3 months in my town because of his job (he chooses to move around because he wants to explore the country). so i think he wasn't interested in rushing into anything. now, he says he might extend his stay here.... so yes, i know he's into it. i find tho that he doesn't initiate affection. eg. he comes over and he sits on my couch and i go to kiss him and he turns his head, and i get upset. this happens kinda often. he says he's just not into kissing. he'd rather snuggle/cuddle and prefers touch over kiss. ok..maybe. but i can't help that i get upset if you don't kiss me, or return the kiss. maybe this is growing pains from transitioning from a friendship to a romantic relationship. also last night someone asked us if we're a couple, and he said, "....kinda". am i being too needy? am i requesting too much too soon? what do you think?

my (29f) new guy (29m) doesn't initiate affection and i think maybe we're just not compatible...

6oo3g5

1- you have a right to know what he consider this friendship. push for definition and clarity. 2- some people don't like kissing. talk to him and see if there's some wiggle room on that front/

relationship_advice

6oo3g5

i did not cut myself with a blade to the point of bleeding too much. i started to scratch my arm to the point where some blood with come out. i have to say it feels like i am on ecstasy or something, it feels amazing. it takes away all of the pain from the world and feels amazing. i don't get why people say this is a bad thing. i feel amazing.

so i started hurting myself tonight...

spb9x

people say the same thing about cocaine and heroin. yeah- it feels awesome the first few times, but then you find yourself chasing that high instead of enjoying it and it becomes a spiral. not to mention disfiguring your body and having to hide certain areas all the time. there are better ways to cope that aren't addictive or harmful

depression

spb9x

i have had a restrictive ed since the age of 14 (i'm 22 now). from the age of 17 (after weight restoration) till about two weeks ago i have been using food as a way to control my life and was eating a strict intake that would maintain me at a physically healthy weight and enable me to live my life. i am sick of my ed and want to get better. since my body has not changed from such a young age i have no boobs or butt. i am dying to look more feminine but i am terrified that i have missed out on the hormone burst that causes your breasts to grow and all my weight will just sit in my stomach and hips. is anyone able to explain to me how weight redistribution works and whether i still have the opportunity to grow boobs or did i completely missed out ?? are there any ways to make your breasts grow? are hormones/going on the pill bad idea? i just want to be a woman

request: weight redistribution advice

aqx8h2

this is definitely something to talk about with a doctor, preferably one who specializes in ed recovery. i would also bring these concerns to a therapist to talk through in sessions. however, the weight will come back on your torso first, because your body is working to protect your vital organs, but, it will redistribute to where it "should be" naturally (i.e. whatever your genes say) after a maintenance period (usually 1-2 years). in terms of hormones, they tend to be regulated by weight more than anything, it seems (i.e. weight restoration and maintenance will eventually allow the endocrine system to re-regulate), however, in drastic cases, there has been use of trans-dermal or intramuscular hormone therapy. (mods! do you want sources? is this okay?)

eatingdisorders

aqx8h2

i’m matt and i’m an alcoholic. there are things i’ve carried with me for a very long time. i swore to my self i would take to my grave. i’m not sure i’m ready. i’m not even on the forth step. i keep starting over at step 3. i haven’t gone back out. but i’m stuck. i’d rather just go ahead and die than put this shit on paper and tell another person. i think i’m ready for that. i can’t share this in a meeting with other people or my sponsor. so y’all get it, i apologize. that’s all i got right now. thanks for letting me share. edit: i have been on the phone with my sponsor and a couple other people. one of them is not in the rooms and is still out there. but us talking helped them and it helped me also. everything is going to be ok. i have prayed and my understanding of god is letting me know that with god in my life these times will be much more brief than before. i’m not throwing my life away or the 311 days i have in away because i got problems. everyone has been a tremendous help. i was all up in my feels which is a very dangerous place for me. i have no idea how to deal with this sober. but i’m going to learn. thank you everyone for your love and support. i hope this has helped you stay sober also. i hope this makes sense i’m sounding like the new guy in the meetings who had no idea how to talk. i guess i can still be a new guy with a couple days under my belt

4th step is threatening my sobriety.

gf6pps

in the 12 and 12 it recommends doing the 5th step piecemeal if you can’t trust anyone with all of it. that’s what i did. i told some stuff to my sponsor and some to a catholic priest. it worked for me, i’m sober 41 years.

alcoholicsanonymous

gf6pps

hey, i’m pretty sure i’ve got add or adhd. both my siblings have been tested, one has been diagnosed with add and the other quit going to the therapist because they realized they wouldt be able to smoke weed while on medication. we’ve all had issues with smoking. i really want to get tested. the problem is that i’m terrified of therapists. i feel like they see right through me and that i’m decieving them at the same time. i’m such a dual person that i can’t talk to a therapist comfortably. i don’t wanna fake a diagnosis or sway the therapists opinions. i don’t do it on purpose. should i try anyway?

getting tested

9xa9pu

hey, i’m a therapist, and if it helps to know, most of us are doing the job because we legit want to help. there are such a variety of people who are in the field, so try thinking about what type of person you could feel most comfortable with? is that an older person or maybe someone who’s a bit younger? a man or a woman? think about a few basics like that and then try searching psychologytoday.com. therapists listed there write their own profiles, so you can read through some and see who you get a good vibe from. don’t be afraid to “shop” therapists and go to intake appts with a few before choosing one. the number one predictor of successful therapy is that the relationship is a good fit for you, so it’s really important. when talking with therapists for the first time, let them know you have a difficult time with it and why. i love when new clients tell me “hey, i hate talking to therapists” because i can then figure out why and do what i need to do to help that specific person feel as comfortable as possible, to what extent i can. i think you should totally go. therapy is one of the weirdest relationships you can have with another person - you’re spilling everything to a total stranger - so it’s bound to be uncomfortable at first. but i can tell you as someone who sits both in the chair and on the couch that it gets easier and can be really helpful and rewarding.

adhd

9xa9pu

my mom is a pediatric physical therapist. she does in-home visits for a number of clients. on top of that, she is over 60 years old and has a lung disease, for which she takes prednisone daily, compromising her immune system. i think she would die if she got corona and i've stressed my concerns multiple times. the first thing she said was she has had kids "coughing and spitting" on her for years and has never gotten the flu. when i continued to press, she told me she has no ability to stop working because of the bills. so, she is going to continue to work, and she is taking measures like constantly washing her hands, but i'm not sure that's enough, especially given her condition and the kinds of clients she works with that may have lower immune responses and are prone to coughing and even spitting. can someone give me advice? she will wear a mask if there's a good reason to. then, the question becomes should she wear an n95 repirator or a surgical mask? thanks in advance. edit: don't know if it's relevant considering she doesn't have the virus herself, but because of her disease, she experiences light and short coughing intermittently thoughout every single day.

does my mom, a vulnerable healthcare provider, need to wear a mask?

fmijxj

a mask is not a guarantee for safety, and they should be reserved for more acute care. rather, following local guidelines for whether to have face to face contact at all makes more sense. however, you can't force your mother to do or not do. perhaps ask other family members to help you.

askdocs

fmijxj

so today me and boyfriend had a conversation about what is considered cheating and what isn't. me, [21/f] and him [22/m] stated that talking to someone your s/o is uncomfortable with is cheating. well, a year ago he was talking to this girl who would hit him up, always trying to skype and would get irritated when he never messaged back. so i told him she seemed to be getting a little clingy and it was making me uncomfortable, so instead of him just ignoring her, he told her that i didn't like her and i didn't want him talking to her anymore and that they "unfortunately" had to end their friendship, so she messaged me upset that i had said anything. yet he doesn't consider that cheating, but if i did, it would be. thoughts?

thoughts

6a2ay4

talking to someone your partner doesn't like isn't cheating. it might be breaking a promise to them but it's not fucking adultery just cause it scares you.

relationship_advice

6a2ay4

seems very invalidating because you know they don’t really understand to the full extent that you do edit: i meant to write people without bpd*

anyone else get irritated when you try to explain bpd to people with non bpd and they reply, “i think everyone does that”

9lg08l

yes but to be fair, people do that with everything. depression? i do that. anxiety? that's me too! adhd? oh that's totally me

bpd

9lg08l

i know this is just the psat and not the actual sat, but i'm so excited that i got such a high score and i just needed to tell someone!!!!! edit: this was the psat 8/9 which is scored out of 1440 points. the psat 10 is scored out of 1520

i scored a 1390 out 1440 on the psat!!!!!

buj4kg

check into applying for a national merit scholarship. got me a free ride to several places.

offmychest

buj4kg

pretty interesting, as this was our first session and i hadn't discussed my mom's past with alcoholism before. dunno if i agree with everything, but there is a lot on the list that clicks. of course, i still identify with a lot if bpd traits, but it gave me something to think about? good news is she's not wanting to label anything and i picked her as she does dbt, which no other in network provider near me did. >1. adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal behavior is. 2. adult children of alcoholics have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end. 3. adult children of alcoholics lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth. 4. adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy. 5. adult children of alcoholics have difficulty having fun. 6. adult children of alcoholics take themselves very seriously. 7. adult children of alcoholics have difficulty with intimate relationships. 8. adult children of alcoholics overreact to changes over which they have no control. 9. adult children of alcoholics constantly seek approval and affirmation. 10. adult children of alcoholics usually feel that they are different from other people. 11. adult children of alcoholics are super responsible or super irresponsible. 12. adult children of alcoholics are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved. 13. adult children of alcoholics are impulsive. they tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. this impulsively leads to confusion, self-loathing and loss of control over their environment. in addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.

therapist asked me to throw out the idea of bpd and consider the traits of adult children of alcoholics...

4hksa7

also this is the adult children of invalidation list. there definitely is something that needs to create the sense of self doubt and self control over the uncontrollable

bpd

4hksa7

hello there! i have recently been diagnosed with adhd at the age of 24. i am currently hitting the gym quite hard around 5/6 days a week. i am 6ft 6" and of slim build i started medication a couple of weeks ago (concerta 36mg) and i have a couple of questions. 1: can i still take a pre-workout before the gym? (without caffeine perhaps) 2: as my medication is a stimulant i have found my appetite decrease and it's effecting my progression... any way i can work up my appetite?

adhd and lifting at the gym / diet / pre workouts

5vbd0z

you should still be able to workout. as you'll know, decreased appetite is common on methylphenidate, tell your prescriber. cant give you advice other than to motivate yourself to eat regularly. out of interest - what symptoms of adhd were you struggling with? when did it start? why only at age 24 have you been diagnosed? any response from the medication?

askdocs

5vbd0z

funny comedian mitch hedburg once joked...alcoholism is the only disease u get yelled at for...i am having trouble understanding the disease model of alcoholism that aa suggests. if it truly is a disease, then shouldnt folks feel sympathy for all the drunks and druggies?...seems to me that the disease model of alcoholism allows folks for a crutch to fall back on....."its not my fault, i have a disease"....i think that i prefer the notion that i, personally, suck at drinking.....and...its my responsibility to stay sober to help myself and be a better part of society....is drinking a choice?...if i have a disease, do i have a choice?

alcoholism is a disease?

1n6hqr

it is classified as a disease by the ama. the reason people don't pity alcoholics is due to several reasons, one being ignorance, another being the stigma around alcoholics and addicts, and the fact that the disease is one of self-infliction. the disease model which has existed for centuries starting with benjamin rush, is the most prevalent model in existence today, the reason behind that is evidence. why do some people reacting so strangely to alcohol? why can't they stop? why do they continue in the face of negative consequences? the simple fact of the matter is this is a disease. it's not a crutch, it is an increasingly researched disease that we learn more and more about every year.

stopdrinking

1n6hqr

do you guys have any tips on how to not care, what anyone else says, thinks or does? trying not to take things serious all the time.

how to not care?

75n4fu

in your life, what do you want to be doing? how do other people’s opinions interfere with you doing what you want to be doing? cause you’re gonna have thoughts or feelings about everything all the time. keep doing you and everyone will think you don’t care.

needadvice

75n4fu

hello all, i finally went to my med management appointment and was diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder and prescribed lamictal. i'm having anxieties about taking the medication and was just wondering if anyone had taken it, and how their expiriences with it were. i've read all the side effects to look for and maybe that's what i'm worrying about most, i'm not sure, but i had never heard of this particular drug before.

expirience with lamictal?

elkysi

lamictal has become an increasingly popular med for the treatment of bipolar disorder, as well as seizure disorders. it's an anti-epilectic/anticonvulsant with mood stabilizing properties. off-label usage may be used for depression, as well as migraines. i briefly took it for migraines, but i experienced wicked insomnia, so discontinued right away. it may put others to sleep, increase dreams, like the other poster mentioned, but listen to the experiences of others with a grain of salt, not because other experiences aren't valid, but because you may have a different response. i never made it to my therapeutic dosage, which is what most positive outcomes indicate as most effective. some people love it, some may not. everyone is different. if you did your research on lamictal, i imagine you came across an important side effect to keep an eye out for during the first month or so of treatment. it's essentially a rash that is called stevens–johnson syndrome (sjs). the probability of you developing the rash is extremely low, but it can be really serious (requiring medical intervention), so it's just something to keep an eye on. hopefully your doc mentioned this to you. if you do happen to notice a rash (google images of it), it is advised to discontinue the med right away and contact your doctor. i really hope i didn't overload you with information you didn't want to hear, but it is important to know. it's a great drug, and i hope it works out for you.

mentalhealth

elkysi

well not perfect of course, but... ideal? not really sure how to phrase it, but you know what i mean. i feel like i do everything 'right' other than actually improve, even though i do put the work in! i fear that i'm annoying my t, like he could be using that time to see someone else who and i'm wasting his time.

how to be a 'perfect' client

bg7wun

hmmmm…. keep this in mind, 100 therapists are going to have 100 different opinions on this. here's mine though: the basics * show up on time * don't cancel without giving at least 24 hours notice, preferably more. * don't cancel more than once every 1-2 months. * if you are charged a late/no show fee, pay it before your next session. in therapy * be honest. your therapist isn't there to hurt you, in fact they're bound by their code of ethics to do no harm. there's no benefit in lying or withholding information unless you're just not ready to discuss certain things. * self-efficacy: understand that your therapist can not "fix" you or "save" you. you are responsible for doing all the heavy lifting in this area. your therapist is there to educate, advise, and support. * be ready to work. have a clear set of goals that you would like to achieve through the use of therapy. if you don't have clear goals, you should at least have some vague ones and be willing to work on identifying them. * be willing to focus on yourself. you can't change others around you, what they think, what they believe, or how they treat you. you can change how you react to certain situations, how you set/enforce boundaries with others, and your normal patterns of being. be willing to examine what role you play in your struggles. those may sound very basic or vague in an of themselves, but that's done purposefully. every client's different. everyone has their own unique skills and challenges that they bring into therapy. there's no one right way. lastly, i'd talk about this specifically with your therapist as your drive to perfection may actually be one of the things causing you problems. best of luck!

askatherapist

bg7wun

i went to the dentist yesterday, and there was this beautiful fair skinned lady. my guess would be shes between 26-31 years of age considering shes a dentist. anyways, while i was in the chair, i caught her sneak and glance into the room. like a quick glance but she look at me briefly. she walked back and forth through the hallway either once or twice, i cant really remember. she stayed in her office next door with another woman for about 10-15 minutes while i was getting my procedure done. literally as soon as i was done she stood at the door and smiled at me and i smiled and winked back as i was caught of guard. was that a coincidence?, also i am 20 years old, but i look like a 15-16 year old kid. i have no hair on my face, i am 5"8 , i weigh 156 pounds. if any of this does mean anything, what could she possibly see in me? i would say i am attractive, usually its high school girls that approach me because i look so young. they say on a 1-10 attractiveness scale (kind of ridiculous and immature right?), that i am an 8-8.5. some have even said a 9. what do you guys think about this? i desperately need help with this as its been on my mind.

hello reddit users. i need your advice on what this woman thinks of me?

46j3qd

this won't be the advice you are looking for but, here goes. it is really hard to judge her reaction to you without physically being there to read the body language. also your are going to have a skewed view of her since you want her to be attracted to her. if you really want to find out if she likes you, you have to ask. there is no easy way around it and strangers on the internet don't have the answer of whether she likes you or not. ask if she wants to go out for a drink or something sometime. tailor the sentence how yo wish. now a work of caution. one of two things happens. either she accepts your request for fun and you start down that path. or she denies your request and now you have a dentist that you will always look at and wonder what could be. having a relationship in an area of your life that initial served another purpose can be tricky. even if you do get in a relationship with this woman you have to be prepared for all outcomes.

advice

46j3qd

so first off, we're in a long distance relationship but it was only till this coming april, we had plans to meet up and see where things went. i went to work yesterday and everything was great, she passed her test that day and said she was going to take a nap at home so she wouldn't pass out on me later that night after i got off work. so that time comes, i get home and am ready for the nightly rituals, hang out with her and play her favorite game, but instead i was met with her telling me that the distance was getting to her and the fact she couldn't be near me had her depressed to the point of not eating. she ended the relationship, i let her know that if she needed space i would give it to her. i'm at work now and can't hardly get in the space of mind to be productive. she unfriended me on all games and social media and hardly will talk to me so yeah, it was so sudden, everything was absolutely amazing before last night, we were best friends. she has severe depression way far passed mine i just wanted some opinions, i'm trying my hardest to not jump to any conclusion. i'm just hurt, we had a damn near perfect friendship.

my gf just broke up with me last night super abruptly, i'm pretty confused.

5swkh8

if someone has severe depression, then nothing is going to go well in their life until they feel better.

relationship_advice

5swkh8

it´s weird how often i´ve chosen suffering. no more! i will not drink with you today!

pain is inevitable, suffering is optional

89hsiv

sounds like relational frame theory and acceptance and commitment therapy

stopdrinking

89hsiv

today marks my seventh day of sobriety:) i've been hitting meetings every day and taking home a lot of wisdom from them. plus, they are fun. i mostly do women's meetings (because i am a female person). there is a particular woman i met that i feel i have a lot in common with and i really admire her. she has a lot of sobriety. i got her number in the last meeting and i want to call her and ask if she'll sponsor me. ack! i'm nervous.

nervous to ask someone to sponsor me

1pp5o8

make that call. it'll be one of the best decisions you'll ever make!

redditorsinrecovery

1pp5o8

for me it snowballs so quickly that i'll go from mostly on top of everything to my life falling apart in less than a couple of weeks. my adhd will fuck something up for me, which makes my anxiety worse, which feeds back into the adhd making me fuck up more, making me more anxious, and so on and so forth. i just recently lost my job due to being unable to control my emotions when i'm stressed (most often anger). i routinely go ballistic and kick, scream, punch, whatever i feel like venting on. obviously this is a terrible coping strategy, but no matter how hard i try i just fucking can't get a grip. this has happened many times, and for as long as i can remember. i have had trouble controlling my anger since i was under the age of 10. i've had anxiety issues since early highschool, mainly social, however in recent years it's become more general anxiety. i've been quite sure i've got adhd for a year or so now, unfortunately unmedicated, except when i'm self medicating by snorting copious amounts of caffeine to help me focus. which doesn't really do much except make me go faster and more anxious.

my life keeps falling apart

a60is3

is it possible for you to see a psychiatrist and a therapist? i think you should try to see both. it sounds like you’re have a terribly hard time and would feel so much better if you had the right help for your needs. are you able to access these services?

adhd

a60is3

i went back to work (waiting tables) there was a couple with a 2 week old baby that i was helping. the baby was super fussy and the dad was standing holding her trying to cal her down and he as struggling to eat anything. honestly both parents looked exhausted. so i washed my hands and was like yo i know i’m just your server but i was in nursing school, i washed my hands and i’m super good with kids. if you’re okay with it let me hold her so that you can eat. (we were pretty slow so i was like why not) the poor dad must have been so overwhelmed cuz he said oh thank god, practically tossed the baby into my arms and then melted into his chair whilst chugging his beer. after like 10 min of convo with them i was like oh i’m sorry i gotta check on my other tables lemme give her back to you. and both of them were like “no!! this is the longest she’s slept since she was born, you holding her seems to really relax her, please take her with you—just until we’ve finished our food .” so i was like.. uh .... alrighty then. so for over an hour i waited in my other five tables with a stranger’s newborn baby in my arms. obviously i had help carrying drinks and plates and shit but i still managed really well. my managers were hella confused but they were like well as long as the guests are ok with it we don’t care. just don’t fall or anything. and as a result i made really good tips finally. i got an 80% tip from the parents. and all of my other tables tipped me very generously cuz they were loving the baby too. and i fucking love babies so i got my baby time on top of it. it felt very therapeutic honestly. i’m tired as fuck but it was worth it.

i love babies so much.

92kjda

this is so awesome. thank you for your service!

cripplingalcoholism

92kjda

so i never get angry even when i should be. like i can only ever remember being truly angry once in my life. the most recent event was a girl i was seeing cheated and i never felt an ounce of anger. i felt hurt and sad but not angry. even the girl couldn't believe i was angry she kept insisting that i must be and that i should. i feel like it's not a normal healthy response. am i worrying about nothing?

i never get angry and i feel like it's causing me problems

2rtvkp

do you believe that your lack of anger is causing you problems? if yes, i'd suggest you seek out a therapist and discuss this. if no, then you likely don't have anything to worry about. emotions tend to exist on a continuum- frustration or annoyance can be a (mild) form of anger- even if it doesn't necessarily look like traditional anger.

mentalhealth

2rtvkp

some people with bipolar "depression" will never understand their own illness. the profession of psychiatry is partly to blame for the fact that most people are miseducated about serious 'mental' illness. the terminology "depression" and their characterization of "mood disorder" are roots of the problem. the media does their job to spread misunderstanding, often referring to someone having "battled demons" or struggling with "mental health issues". WEBLINK this article is written by an expert on the topic of bipolar suicide: WEBLINK this was a superbly written article, but even so, it is possible that many people will still not understand. we are conditioned to think that suicide is caused by extreme sadness and despair brought about by difficult life circumstances. it is extremely difficult to break out of that mode of thinking to try and process some other conceptual explanation. many people who begin experiencing symptoms of bipolar "depression" will try to make sense of it by attributing the dysphoric feelings to some acute stressor in their life. this is where widespread misunderstanding of the disorder is so very dangerous...because people just do not know what they are dealing with and won't seek treatment. also, because of the deep-seated problems and ideological infighting in the world of psychiatry, some diagnosed people still do not understand their own illness. one note about the article: the writer may or may not realize that someone who temporarily lacks insight (anosognosia...a neurological condition) due to acute psychosis will not be able to carry out a plan to save themselves. even psychosis is not what most people think it is. psychosis is not psychological detachment from reality...it is a neurological detachment. some advocates are calling for what are called psychotic disorders to be reclassified out of the mental health system because they are not psychological/emotional/behavioral disorders (although they certainly affect emotional expression and behavior). bipolar, schizophrenia, and other brain disorders that can cause psychosis are really neurological disorders that involve abnormal neural/electro-chemical abnormality in the brain and should be treated and insurance reimbursed under the mainstream medical health system. reclassification would not only help the general public to make progress in understanding these neurological disorders, it would lead to better access and reimbursement to treatment.

kate spade suicide - media miseducates the public about bipolar suicide

8p0hh3

its pretty hard to make any judgements without really knowing the underlying difficulties that kate spade suffered. that aside, psychiatry merging into neurology wouldn't help anyone. all "biological" illness is compounded by psychological and emotional states, and whilst in theory all healthcare practitioners should be proficient at this, we clearly are not. the only ones who accept this aspect in health are psychiatrists, the only specialty that still manages individuals as people rather than symptoms (though gps get close). mental illness is still the group of disorders that has the greatest interface between biological and psychological states, and psychiatrists are trained for this. making mental illness a neurological condition wont help many with comorbid personality disorders or substance misuse issues. many mental health conditions may stem from psychological processes but trigger biological changes. there will always need to be a fluidity between medical and psychological aspects of care that acute medical specialities are not set up for. unless neurologists wish to merge with psychiatry, which makes greater sense...

mentalhealth

8p0hh3

hi, it's been 12 years since i last smoked any weed. 12 years ago, i would smoke week all day every day. i couldn't control it, i would get high even when i knew i shouldn't. i thought i wouldn't be able to stop. i loved the feeling of being high and would get really upset if i couldn't get some more pot. i ended up getting almost arrested when i got busted by the cops but they let me go. after that, i decided to stop smoking weed. i didn't do it by myself. other people helped me in getting off weed and staying off. i still crave the feeling of being high, but i know that i can't manage it, so i stay off. i also don't drink or do any other drugs. feel free to ask questions.

12 years without weed

voxmz

> i didn't do it by myself. other people helped me in getting off weed and staying off. care to elaborate on this?

leaves

voxmz

me [20/f] and my so [20/m] have been together for a year and were great friends for a long time before that. we really do love each other to bits, but lately i feel like the spark is fading. i get that the honeymoon phase has to stop at some point, but i actually feel like it is still here, for me anyway. it's just sometimes i'm scared that the spark won't last. i was just wondering if there's anything i or we both could do to keep the spark going? i don't believe that couples should lose the affection etc after a while in the relationship, for me it is a sign of love and a true relationship. and i kind of want to bring back the large flame we had at the beginning of our relationship. help and advice would be really amazing. and i'd like if mean things etc would be kept to yourselves. thank you! ❤

how to bring back the spark in a relationship?

63lt4g

we fall in love again the same way we did in the first place. go on dates; just the two of you. if you have 1-1 quality time you either fall in love or you don't...then or now.

relationship_advice

63lt4g

i have this result - [WEBLINK](WEBLINK) >hepatitis b surface antibodies 3.50 ( l ) >11.50 miu/ml (1) > >see below who > >immunity >= 10 miu/ml > >nonreactive < 8.5 miu/ml > >reactive (immune) >= 11.5 miu/ml > >indeterminate>=8.5-<11.5 miu/ml.repeated in duplicate. ​ what does it mean? ​ thank you so much ... ​ ps age: 37 height: 5'10" weight 180 gender male medications you take: b12 smoking status: no previous and current medical issues: none duration and location of complaint - new

help interpreting - hepatitis b surface antibodies 3.50 ( l )

cozxlw

you are not immune to hepatitis b.

askdocs

cozxlw

my mother is borderline and my childhood is a memory bank of happiness, getting the shit beaten out of me, and mistrust. she is the reason i am diagnosed ptsd. however, since i was such a well adjusted child, at 14 i got involved with a 24 year old man who was also borderline, and who had a girlfriend whom during the course of our 8 year 'relationship' he married. he was not a nice man and i was just one of many very young side pieces. but i was young, stupid, had never known love, and didn't value or respect myself. if you're doing your math, he lied to me about having left her for over a year and we broke up when i found out at 22. now i'm 27. anyway, i recently got into my first proper relationship since then (ever, really, given he's not married) with a man i really adore, and it's brought an onslaught of memories to start flooding back. this includes horrible nightmares where my 'ex' rapes me, pushes me out windows, manipulates me into getting back with him, kills me, disappears (his favourite magic trick, by far) during the day i'm hypervigilant, irritable, and just a mixture of angry and sad. i carry a lot of guilt for having been a mistress and i carry many scars for what he put me through. i know i'm not diagnosed for this trauma, but it's a bigger problem than my mother ever was. i can't even breathe properly. but it sounds so stupid to say i have ptsd from a mean boyfriend (who never hit me). ugh. i just wanted to vent.

hypervigilance, flashbacks, and night terrors. [trigger: childhood abuse, infidelity]

3s1fgv

> but it sounds so stupid to say i have ptsd from a mean boyfriend (who never hit me). ugh. you're being far too hard on yourself. having early trauma really sets you up for having bad experiences later, and carrying big scars from those experiences. i'm sorry you're having nightmares, that's a really tough thing for me and always makes me feel out of it for a day or so.

ptsd

3s1fgv

dear redditors, i am here for i am at a loss. i can't seem to make head or tail of what i want to do at all. here is the story: we've been dating for about 6 years, with 2 little (very short, less than a week and not a "break-up). in january we broke up due to a very hard time for both of us. ultimately it was her decision de break up. over all our break-up took 4 days. we parted, and my last words to her were " let's wait for each other and talk in 6 months" to which she agreed. we worked out a lot of our problems whilst apart. now we are together again, but as i said i thought we'd be waiting for each other. so 4 months after the breakup i asked her if she wanted to start speaking again and, yes, she did. we talked and we both said that we had not slept with anyone else. except 2 weeks ago, i was going through my emails (she added herself onto my tablet) and i came across an email telling her to buy some condoms... well, we were not together at that point so... i guess it's "o.k"? but she lied to me and it was only 3 weeks after our initial breakup... which makes me feel as if it may have been premeditated, she slept with him 3 times and told me it was just a "fling". she told me in the end after a bit of a fight that, she was trying to save me the hurt. the problem being, i didn't want to get back into a relationship with her if she had slept with someone, that was literally the first thing i told her. she lied and now we're together... i have no fucking clue what to do, every 5 minutes i feel angry and then sad... i still sort of love her, but the "magic" feels gone. i'm not asking what i should do, but maybe some different perspectives. thanks in any case, throawayforobvreason

[28/m] forgive or forget? [26/f]

74um69

this has been going on way too long to not be in a better place. go to counseling and make it great once and for all..or end it

relationship_advice

74um69

as bleak and blunt as this may sound, if people aren't making an effort to reach out and say hello, or get snapchats, etc from people you know -- they're not your friend. think about it, you have literally nothing to do, and you could check in on your friends or even establish contact in some form due to being inside and probably on social media. this time of quarantine is going to actually show you who your true friends are, and simply put, if they don't reach out or make an effort to during this time, then you may need to re-evaluate your friendships.

quarantine is a true test of friendship here.

fmmbef

some of us are still really busy, working demanding jobs amidst uncertainty and unprecedented stress. please assume the best when you finally interact with people.

socialskills

fmmbef

i picked them off a tree, i am in spain and can't speak spanish so asking the pharmacist is just a no go i've embarrassed myself in front of these people enough already, there were hundreds of tiny brown almond shaped eggs, i vomited most of it up but i would really love to know whether i'm going to have a city of gnats in my stomach and mistake the feeling for fallling in love with a beautiful spanish guapo or whether they will die. google has been useless. i had some straight gin afterwards, thought that might kill them? idk what i'm doing help pls

i ate some funky apricots off a tree and realised after 2 i wasn't the only one enjoying them

94sjia

those eggs laid in apricots are probably from insects that have to live off of apricots or other plants. the chance that they can survive your stomach, which is full of strong acid and enzymes designed for breaking down all kinds of things, is low. even if they survive, the chance that they could hatch and survive inside of you, in an environment that isn't what they're adapted to and has little oxygen, is lower. you've consumed a little bit more protein in a form you wouldn't have picked yourself, but you'll be fine.

askdocs

94sjia

hi everybody, i am in a difficult position and a huge turning point with my marriage. in writing this post, i want to 1) organize all my thoughts, and 2) hear your thoughts. we have been married for 2 years and together for 4. it has been a rocky marriage, and we have been through some very very tough issues. 1) i have anxiety issues, and i struggled with ocd throughout the marriage. though the worst time has passed, it really scarred him. 2) i have certain abusive values and acted abusively in different ways. for example, i am not on good terms with a friend of his, and i interfered with their friendship. i lash out on him out of my frustration. i also blow up on him over small things. despite all these, i am actually a good person, but my poor behaviors put him through a lot. i don't think in daily life he shows any abusive tendencies except for his violent temper (see below). 3) we have explosive fights. he gets violent sometimes when he gets furious. over the years, when he was angry or frustrated, he has punched the walls, bang him head on the table, grabbed my wrist, stood really close to me and screamed at me, screamed at me "hit me! hit me!", blocking my way. we hit each other once and once only. i initiated it, in a struggle, he hit me in the chest. after that we agreed no more hitting. i never touched him again, but it's been 8 months now since the incident, and he has demonstrated the above-mentioned violent tendencies. the situation now is, neither of us can live like this. we are currently separated and figuring out where to go from here. i am going to list the reasons to stay or go below... reasons to stay: 1) we are both very good people, kind and with integrity. we truly love each other and have never formed bond this intimate with anyone else before. 2) i am absolutely determined to change how i think and act. 3) (hypothetically) he also is determined to change. 4) the individual therapy and couple therapy we have been in for the past years or so were not in a systematic fashion, so maybe intensive therapy may help better. reasons for divorce: 1) people do not really change, and it is highly unlikely the toxic pattern between the two of us can really change. 2) since he has the tendency to resort to violence and fear tactics in anger, i am concerned one day he may do something worse (like say, actually hit me or hurt me if he happens to be intoxicated or something) 3) we have been seeing a couple therapist for a while, though not in a systematic way. he also has seen a therapist for his anger issues, but still, look at where we are now. 4) how we treat each other in anger shows a utter lack of respect for both of us. how can this be restored? can it even? 5) (a realistic concern) i am turning 34 and i do want children. however, given how we are currently, having children is a terrible idea, and we can not go there without knowing we can fix us as a couple. however, that takes time. i worry that 2 years down the road, we still fight like this then we have to get a divorce then. that will make my goal of having a family even less likely. that's about it. i tried to lay out my current situation and the history as much as i can. i feel like a divorce is the answer, but i am torn - of course it'd be easy if he concludes a divorce is the way to go. but what if he wants to keep working on this? what if he says he can change his violent tendencies? what do i say or do then? so torn and sad. thank you so much in advance for reading this and providing your thoughts..

[33f] with my husband [39m] mutually abusive relationship. is divorce the answer?

5shzbc

sounds like you've had a fair amount of individual and couples therapy. are the therapists saying that you are beyond help and should get divorced?

relationship_advice

5shzbc

there's a woman (i think she's 27 or 28) i fancy at work. she kind, shy, and really quiet. she moved from puerto rico to us a couple months ago. the thing is, she doesn't speak to men, but only women at work. sometimes, neither. there are more women at my retail job and i am comfortable being around all of them since they've known me for over 5 years. she knew that i liked her because one of her co-worker told her, and we still talked and made jokes. however, after i got her number a week after she found out that i liked her, we texted a little and i felt she wasn't interested so let things be. now i feel like she's avoiding me. there were lots times within a month where she would avoid eye contact with me, looking toward the ground as i walked by her. i do approach her sometimes because i'm a social person, but i feel like she doesn't want my company. i found out from her friend that she doesn't want to be involved with me romantically, and i respect her decision. but i would like things to be the way they were. is there anything i can do to make her more comfortable around me? i would still enjoy her company as a friend.

[23/m] i like this shy woman at work, but now she seems to be avoiding me. what can i do?

5uvvzk

she's shy, so you might have to initiate. ask her for coffee!

relationship_advice

5uvvzk

one of the first steps that i took rather than admitting that i was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable was to see a psychiatrist. that made the most sense because i was obviously crazy right?! she has had me on a buffet of medication over the last year with some decent results. i'm just curious though how everyone feels about medicating and if you have been prescribed medication then what are you taking?

did any of you have to take medication for depression/anxiety after quitting?

5vk0gz

i was on prozac for the first 9ish months of my recovery. i got to the point where i no longer needed the medication and i've been off of it for the last few year. whenever i start getting depressed again i go see my therapist and generally that's enough to bring me back up. i think if medication is necessary then take medication!

stopdrinking

5vk0gz

so my mom and i have a usually good relationship. it was horrible from when i started puberty until i moved out at 20 basically. but after that we really bonded and became close. she's now turned 60, i'm 25 and finished my master and looking for a job. for the last couple of weeks i've been feeling a lot like i need a break from her. at first i had a hard time figuring out why, but thinking a lot about it i think it has several possible reasons. one is that i feel like she expects me to share every little detail of my life, and then telling me what to do, even though i already had it all figured out. another is how i often feel that i have to be in tear/total wreck mode for her to truly listen to my issues. but at the same time she expects me to listen to all kinds of things. often mental health stuff of people i know, a topic that is known to be a trigger of my own bad mental health. and its also often the same topics, for instance tupperware (she became a saleswoman again after a very long break). i don't mind tw, but because i've shown interest it just seems like it's all we can talk about sometimes. and well i just feel like i need a breather from her. no questions for a while, i'll tell her when i have news etc. i'm aware that her questions are based in the fact that she cares, but i just can't help feeling smothered. because of these feelings i've been taking a bit of distance for at least the last week. i guess she noticed, because when she called me tonight she ended up asking me why i've been pulling away. i was a bit taken a back to didn't have the true reasons ready (i'm the type that rehearses and writes things down when i'm gonna have a serious conversation) so i said i didn't know why, but that i just needed a break. i could hear that it upset her, but she said okay and that it would be up to me to decide when i wanted to spend time with her again. the reason i'm a wreck now is that i know i upset her. and i hate upsetting her. i love my mom. but i also feel like i needed to tell her, since i've gotten a pit in my stomach every time she's texted me for a while now. but i just can't seem to get past the fear of having hurt her feelings. because i can so put myself in her spot, i would feel awful is someone said that to me. and i really don't know what to do right now. i feel like crap, i'm mad and sad at the same time, and my head is just a mess. anyone who has some support or a good piece of advice? please don't tell me i'm an asshole, i already know that.

told my mom i needed space, now i'm a wreck (vent)

f0hi7i

you’re not an asshole, even though i know you feel like one right now. this is absolutely ok to need time from your mom or from anyone in your life. you’re at an age where you’re differentiating from you mom and getting into your own adult life even more than a few years ago. this is another of the transition times for many people. i’ve gone through this with my own parents over the years (i’m 11 years older than you are). i’m very close to my dad, but there have been times i was going through my own things and just needed to separate for awhile. there’s times where we talk every day or several times in a day and could talk for hours. other times it could be weeks where i just didn’t want to talk and if we did i would feel irritable and just needed to get off the phone...like i’m getting really grumpy, snippy, and anxious just wanting to get off the damn phone lol. there were times that my dad would ask why we weren’t talking and if he had done something. he was hurt and i felt like an asshole too, but i explained when i could that i was going through things and needed the time for me (and that i just wasn’t up to talking). i told him i loved him and reassured him it wasn’t anything he had done, but this was just what i felt i needed to do. most parents (though i understand not all) even if they don’t get it will still not hold it against us for needing the time away. it’s hard, but it’s part of life to start to pull away at times when we just need to deal with our own stuff. she will be ok and you will too. *hugs friend

mentalhealth

f0hi7i

1. are you bound by confidentiality after you leave your profession? 2. how is it possible that we can hear recordings or accounts of a serial killer’s therapy session? if they are in prison for hurting someone and can’t hurt anymore are they not entitled to confidentiality? the counseling sessions took place while they were incarcerated.

was watching an interview with a therapist who counseled serial killers and had some questions

bu7w2d

does it exist after you leave the profession. yes. but what would the damages be if the therapist has left. loss of license and censure from licensing board is a big consequence. well, confidentially clearly exists after the death of a patient. however, who will file a complaint? this is a much better question for lawyers. i suppose the estate of the deceased may have cause, but my understanding is it would be a tough case. also many people waive their expectation of confidentiality for a number of reasons.

askatherapist

bu7w2d

what i'm trying to ask is, when was it apparent for you that you were suffering from something? any defining moments or stories?

when did you know that you had add/adhd?

1081l0

there were multiple, multiple signs, but the big one was waiting until the day before a 40 page paper was due to start on it....

adhd

1081l0

so i’m almost three months sober and on the fourth step after a couple of attempts. i’ve been feeling really good this go around: positive about the future, committed to never drinking again (which i never wholly believed before), i’m being honest with everyone, more open about not drinking (was formerly mortified to say i didn’t in social situations), and generally focused on my personal and spiritual growth. i was actually looking forward to doing this step. then i started on my resentments... i honestly don’t hold any real resentments against other people - only myself. i am still bothered or affected by some things that people in my life did, but for the most part i feel like i understand why they did it, how they were spiritually sick, or my role in it. i struggle with self esteem (as in, it was pretty nonexistent when i first stopped drinking) but i feel like i’ve done well by building it up until now. i genuinely wanted to recover for myself, and i rediscovered things i liked about myself. my sponsor and i went over my first ‘resentment’ together. it was really just a thing my mom did recently that hurt me but i felt like i dealt with it well by talking to my mom about my feelings in a non accusatory way and setting boundaries. my sponsor went on to find ways to show my role in it as dishonest, selfish, inconsiderate, etc. she admitted she was reaching in this case, but it hurt. i felt like i had grown and done something good in this example, but she poked holes in my pink cloud balloon and now i’m feeling so miserable. i can’t stop thinking of all the awful things i’ve done and feel disproportionately shitty and ashamed about many of them. i gladly acknowledge my faults and accountability, but if i’m a shitty person even when i think i’m doing my best, what’s the point? i feel paralyzed and can’t do anything without feeling guilty because i can’t define the line between selfish and healthy self respect/boundary setting anymore. i no longer feel like i’m worth saving, and don’t think i deserve to be happy. i don’t want to drink over it but it suddenly feels like my recovery is not my own again - like when i first had to get sober. it feels like i’m jumping through hoops for other people because i don’t care about myself enough to want to recover. anywho, the long and the short of it is i no longer think aa is the program for me. even before this i felt disconnected in the rooms and the message wasn’t resonating anymore. i feel like this path or process is unhealthy for me if it triggers me to tear myself apart like this. i want to start looking into other programs that prompt the same introspection and accountability but that don’t trigger this constant self abuse. all the aa folks i tell this to tell me to hang in there and miracles will happen - which is exactly the born again stuff i hate and especially cannot believe right now. phew...glad to get that out. thanks for reading.

questioning whether a a is more harmful than helpful

crtm84

i’ll just say that you’re really not supposed to feel good when doing the fourth step. i was told that if i was feeling good about it, i wasn’t being honest enough. there are 12 steps for a reason, and the payoff is from having done the work, particularly in step nine, as talked about in the promises. when someone says don’t quit before the miracle happens, they don’t mean before you are suddenly struck down by a bolt of lightning that makes you happy and content in one instant. rather, they mean that through sticking with the work, positive results will happen, and one day, as a result of the work, you will realize that you have had a shift in how you think. this will have been a process, but often we don’t see it happening until one day we look up and say holy shit, this fucking thing works, and i feel like i’m gonna be okay for the first time in forever. listen to the words to the song “amazing” by aerosmith. it is all about this experience. that was my experience anyways. some people don’t like aa, and i’m not trying to push it on you. i just want to share my experience and what i have been told from people in the program i trust and believe. i wish you the best no matter what recovery program you go with!

stopdrinking

crtm84

i recently got a bit more serious with this nice girl i know for almost 3 months. i see her 2/3 times a week we make out and doing fun activities but i need a bit advice. * i always said good morning and goodnight to her via whatsapp when we were dating, but it feels a bit repetitive to me now. how do i tell her this without hurting her feelings? * when is a relationship a relationship? do you i need to ask her? * do men always need to take a girl somewhere or do women also have this obligation? thanks

[21/m] first love with (21/f) need some advice.

64c6wp

it's ok to say good morning and goodnight. it's a relationship when you both decide it's monogamous with a sense of commitment. women should initiate also and share expenses.

relationship_advice

64c6wp

everytime somebody says something to me, i can't shrug it off. it clings onto me like a leech. i have so many fights, i have people calling me names. i hate this feeling. i wanna just get off the internet for a while, but by now it's an addition. i'm so connected to the friends i made i can't just go without my phone.

i'm a wimp

ajxd9v

do some research on cognitive distortions. everybody has distorted thoughts and negative self-talk, but you can learn how to recognize and manage those thoughts. eventually you’ll stop believing them, especially if you can replace them with more positive, accurate thoughts. your thoughts are not who you are! don’t let your fear define you! for example....”i can’t do this, i’m an idiot.” that’s a distorted thought...how about instead “this is new to me and i’m learning. i’m doing the best i can and i just have to be patient with myself while i learn.” you got this!

offmychest

ajxd9v

i dare you to tell me to see a therapist. i dare you to diagnose me. i dare you to justify colonialism and ecological destructiomn.

the planet is being destroyed, violence increases, sexism increases...people are insane and in denial about it...and i’m the crazy one?

8294bv

look at what you are saying about the world and compare it to how you are talking about it. by violently making statements about the world and attacking everyone that replies you are perpetuating the violent, erradic attitude that you see in the world. it sounds like it's a lot, it sucks, you've been hurt, and you need to get it out. i'm sorry for what happened to you, and i don't have any advice or tips for making it better or easier because we can't control what happens in the world or what other people decide to do. we as people who are alive today are all out here together, and maybe most people are blind, lazy, and/or ignorant. maybe people just do what they can. maybe we are all being controlled, whether by some good or by some secret organization that influences everything around us to makes use behave in a certain way. maybe thinking about it and trying to understand it does more had than good. i hope you find what you need

mentalhealth

8294bv

a friend of mine said her boyfriend recently found out that he is a carrier for mrsa. she said she has not caught it because she is not a carrier. i did not think that's how it worked. i thought the person who is colonized, though showing no symptoms, can still infect other people, whether they are carriers or not. not being a carrier does not really protect you from it, correct? she is sleeping with this man and she thinks she is immune or not likely to catch it because she is not a carrier.

does not being a mrsa carrier mean you are immune to contracting it from someone who is a carrier?

e82tlf

i think there might be some terminology confusion here. genetically, a carrier is someone who has one copy of a recessive gene that, if two copies are present, causes a disease. sometimes being a carrier itself has some effects. perhaps most famously, sickle cell carriers (heterozygotes) are more resistant to infection by malaria. one reason for the term "carrier" is because, although the individual doesn't have the disease phenotype, they can pass the allele on to children. two carriers who have children have a chance of having a child with the disease. (25%, in classical mendelian genetics.) being a carrier of an infection is entirely different, although the idea is the same: you harbor the bacteria or virus, but you don't have any signs of infection. you can transmit it to someone else, at least some of the time. in the case of some infections, including staph/mrsa, it's possible to infect yourself. for example, someone with mrsa colonization who gets a cut may have that mrsa introduced into deeper tissues or the bloodstream. mrsa actually isn't one of the most terrible and virulent infections, despite its reputation; the danger is in its resistance to treatment, not the inherent danger of infection by staph aureus.

askdocs

e82tlf

tldr: potential mental health issues, too embarrassed to get professional help. primary triggers seem to be money and family. basic background information: i'm in my mid 30's living in a major metropolitan area of california. married with two kids (4 yo f and 9mo m). good job and a decent amount of debt (mostly from school but a bit of credit card and about two years left on the car note). i'm relatively active and run when i can (a few times a week if i'm lucky) along with relatively good diet and general positive physical health. my major issues appear to be depression and suicidal ideation along with some issues of really intense aggression. i will quickly state that i do not self harm and that i consider suicide in a rational process, generally rejecting it due to consequences to the people who care about me and my general dislike of pain (mainly happens while driving and i think about just spontaneously turning left etc). i've never reached a point of action on any suicidal ideation but i do worry that it is a matter of when and not if. as far as anger this generally manifests by me hitting inanimate objects. the latest noteworthy incident involving a splintered kitchen cabinet and a bandaged hand. i haven't struck my wife or kids and i'm not really concerned that i will. while their actions can trigger my anger and frustration i am quick to remove myself from the situation in order to avoid physically harming them. i am concerned about the emotional toll on my wife and daughter as i know it must be difficult to see me get frustrated and have to immediately leave the area. i have discussed the majority of these issues with my wife and she agrees that i need help. i don't really have much of a group outlet as the majority of my friends have left the state. i know that i have some depression issues with regard to the notion of being a sole provider and foundation for my family. the weight of it all just gets difficult to hold sometimes. i assume the logical option is conversational therapy, but i am reluctant to go due to embarrassment and financial cost. i'm also not really sure that talk without a solid plan would create a path forward. yes i know the cost of care is less than the long term issues i have, and i know that men get depressed as well. my largest issue seems to be the first step and for some delusional reason i seem to believe that if i can just get through this next month (or maybe next month, or next year) it will all just work itself out. the kids will get older and easier to deal with, our housing and financial situation will stabilize, and i will be able to better accept my capacity as a provider. while i'm aware that this is just more self destructive behavior, i'm not really sure how to break through it. i honestly don't know what i'm looking for here, in a sense i just wanted to say it out loud. it helps to see how foolish some of my thought process is, but it's also just nice to put the weight down, if even for a few minutes. of course this has lead to a bit of procrastinating at work, so i should probably get back to it. i guess support would be appreciated, and if anything is unclear just let me know and i will edit. otherwise, i guess i would say thank you for listening.

i probably need to talk to someone

4y88t1

you're not alone. as a psychiatrist id be also suggesting talking therapies, but you're going to have to get the balls to seek this help. if you also have poor energy levels and/or losing interest in things, then it might be worthwhile trying an antidepressant. if the suicidal thoughts are getting out of control, then definitely seek help.

mentalhealth

4y88t1

i’m in a year long relationship, and i’ve had depression on and off before and during the relationship. when my emotions get the best of me, my partner will tell me that i need to do more to combat my depression and prevent the build up of emotions from happening. at one point, my partner told me i was being selfish for not trying hard enough to get out of depression because it was taking a toll on our relationship. my former therapist believed that i was putting too much of the responsibility on myself and that there should be efforts coming from both people in the relationship. if i was single, then she believed i needed to take the responsibility for coping with depression. my partner is technically trying to help me by telling me to go outside, but he doesn’t ask to be involved. i don’t typically ask him to be involved either due to his reluctance for going outside because of his schedule or allergies. on the few times i have asked, something else came up or my partner wasn’t in the mood. years before i leaned on a previous partner for my depression and put him as my source for happiness. everything hurt so much more when we broke up, and i took it as a lesson that i shouldn’t depend on other people to help me through depression or they’ll leave or i’ll end up even worse. i accepted my current partner’s advice because it’s still helpful advice to follow if i was single, but my former therapist stressed that i shouldn’t have to carry all the weight by myself. is it healthy to be in a committed relationship but feel like you have to cope with depression alone?

how should i cope with depression while in a committed relationship?

f7wlgg

disclaimer: i can only go off what you have written at face value, and i have never met you or your partner. there are a few things going on here . 1. from what you described , your partner is being unhelpful (probably unintentionally), for example by seeing depression as something you can easily overcome. 2.unfortunately, there is very little good information available to partners / loved ones of depressed people. the majority of info says "get them the help they need" but there is very little support for what to do when therapy and meds aren't helping. partners often have no idea what to do, even when they want to be supportive. 3. it is true that only you can be responsible for your mental health . you acknowledged the problems you had when you depended on a partner for happiness . so what is the answer ? i think a black/white view (depend on someone for happiness vs. go at it alone) is unhelpful. a good middle ground is taking responsibility but also being open about what helps and what doesn't . an analogy i use a lot is cancer. if you had cancer , what support would you want from your partner ? it would still be your responsibility to get treatment , make and keep appointments, take meds. your partner hopefully would not blame you or claim to have a magic solution . your partner would hopefully encourage and support your efforts to get better and also understand the illness . obviously, tweak this to fit your needs and personality. if this feels right to you, it may be worth discussing with your partner. yout partner may also benefit from his own therapy. loving someone with an illness you don't understand can be really hard. he may gain useful tools for dealing with his own feelings and better understanding yours.

askatherapist

f7wlgg

ok i know all about opiates and dopamine and oxytocin but i don't know the details of why those work together with this drug to make me feel completely amazing and normal. i have complex ptsd and before i had it i felt how i feel now on a perkoset. i need to know more why this is such a nice drug...;)

why do perkosets make me feel like everything is ok?

22cfb9

the drug binds to your brain's opiate receptors. these receptors play a part in helping decrease pain and increase euphoric feelings. the longer you take percocet, you will feel these effects less and less, which will mean you will need a higher dose to experience the same results. i would recommend finding a different, maintainable treatment.

mentalhealth

22cfb9

mom is 55yo female, caucasian, 137.2lbs medications: omeprazole, prescribed vitamin d. okay, so, recently my mom got an insurance that made the hep c cure very accessible to her. and she planned to begin it. prior to this, she needed blood work. when the blood work came back, the doctor informed her she did not have hep c. obviously my mom was confused. she had been told for the past 11 years she had it. she was initially diagnosed at a methadone maintenance clinic, and they diagnosed her as positive. so for the last 11 years she thought she was positive. all this time she's been getting routine liver checks. and her liver is perfect. she assumed this was because at the time of her diagnosis, she stopped taking drugs (except methadone), lived a clean, healthy lifestyle and ate extremely healthy and was very active, and didn't touch a drop of alcohol, and just got lucky thus far. this doctor informed her that often times, the tests provided in these drug maintenance programs will give positive diagnosis solely based on the presence of antibodies not viral loads. which, if true, is horribly fucked up. i'm stunned by that. but he says he's seen it multiple times in his career. she does show antibodies. all this time she's gotten routine checks, and they've always said her liver is fine. never really gave viral load information. she assumed they'd say something if anything changed from the original results..which apparently no one has. my mom asked "am i negative, or just undetectable?" and he seems to believe she no longer has hepatitis c. how can this be?? she is currently trying to get her initial viral load information from that clinic but it's proving difficult. the doctor strongly believes her entire diagnosis was based off the presence of antibodies, not her actual viral load. this doctor insists that she will not be given the medication no matter what. considering her results, they refuse to proceed with the cure treatments. as he said, as far as he's concerned she has antibodies for hep c but is hep c negative. some of this just...doesn't make sense to me. how can she be negative but have antibodies? and can she actually be negative? i always thought it was either negative, or undetectable if you have the presence of antibodies. any explanation or information regarding this would be incredibly appreciated. thanks in advance.

mom suddenly doesn't have hep c after eleven years supposedly positive??

e8zxz8

you've gotten some good answers, but one oddity is hep c's infection timeline. hep c can spontaneously clear. usually that happens within the first year after infection, but it occasionally happens later. of course, that can only be tested by checking viral loads, which doesn't sound like it happened after the initial testing, if at all. if she's hep c negative, she's hep c negative. i've actually seen the same scenario where the clinic was all set to provide expensive medication to cure the virus only to find that the patient's immune system had gotten there first.

askdocs

e8zxz8

just over a month ago, i crossed the half-decade without drinking alcohol. a remarkable achievement to many, a sensible one to me. an achievement none the less that has taught me a few things that i would like to share. i have difficulty sharing experiences as i often try and think of what would benefit people trying to stop. and honestly, i can't. the sober version of me is everything that drunk me hated; happy, free, fit and healthy. all of which were previously points of scorn, thinly veiling envy. i was angry at life, myself and... everything. i blamed everything for my problems. mostly because i didn't like myself and didn't know how to put it right. sobriety was the start of the journey to put it right. if you are considering quitting alcohol then i say give it a go it has been the catapult to a new life for me. here are five things i've learned along the way: **i am incredible** \- (and also very modest obviously) we all are. incredible i mean. a statement i never thought i would say about myself. the other day i was sitting and i thought "you're alright, charlie." i spent years calling myself all the negative names under the sun. chastising and castigating myself over... everything. in sobriety, i have achieved wonderful things that i never would have thought possible. go easy on yourself. you are amazing. give yourself a hug. you deserve it. >"we drink the poison our minds pour for us and wonder why we feel so sick." atticus **sobriety isn't the end** \- i thought it was the end of my life. how wrong was i? it was the beginning. quitting drinking wasn't the magic wand that fixed everything but it was the strength, clarity and calmness for me to fix what i could. patience and perseverance are a must because it doesn't happen overnight but it does happen if you keep plugging away. knock backs and setbacks will happen but keep going. >"you, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life, but it ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward. that’s how winning is done" **rocky balboa** **don't worry** **so much** \- i have played out scenarios in my mind. i spent energy thinking about how i will react to situations. second-guessing life. especially about drinking or other people asking me about drinking. and all of it was for nothing because those situations never arose. i wasted energy i could have used on something more worthwhile. don't worry too much. you will have the strength to deal with situations you thought impossible. >“worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” **corrie ten boom** **life is a beautiful thing** \- without the turgid thinking that alcohol-induced anxiety brings, the world seems lighter. brighter. calmer. birds sing. the wind blows in the trees. the sun shines and everything is cool. then some bastard ruins it but hey that's life. you've got the toolbox to let it wash over you... or swear a lot. the choice is now yours. >life is beautiful but people are crazy. *charles osgood* **freedom** \- alcohol stole freedom and freedom of choice. it stole joy and happiness. money. relationships. jobs. some of which return if you want because now you have the freedom to choose who, where and what you do with your life. dreams do come true. we are the lucky ones. >“we want ecstasy as a way of life, not a liver-poisoning alcoholiday from it.” **crimethinc,** [anarchy and alcohol](WEBLINK) thanks for reading, charlie

5 lessons from five years of sobriety

ce06i5

thank you so much for such a thoughtful post. thank you for giving back and spreading hope.

stopdrinking

ce06i5

sex: male age: 30 height and weight: 6’1 195 race: white had to take some antibiotics and went out drinking a bit later. will they still work?

does alcohol really effect antibiotics?

aarq97

not enough information. alcohol affects some antibiotics. some antibiotics affect alcohol. most have no effect either way.

askdocs

aarq97

i have a history of abusing large doses of opiates. they all contained tylenol. i was taking crazy doses, like ten times the recommended daily maximum. luckily i've been clean about 9 months now. i've had my liver enzyme levels checked out and thank god they're somehow normal. however, i saw a comment on another sub that taking a large amount of tylenol can cause liver problems *down the road* . is this true? i always thought it was an immediate thing and if i was fine now i'm in the clear. edit: thank you to everyone for the responses!

can tylenol cause liver damage down the road?

6f78fd

you should be in the clear - hopefully you can put that lifestyle very much behind you. well done!

askdocs

6f78fd

im 20 years old i have a testicle volume of 6,9ml left and 8,2ml on the right, (according to many urological sources, a normal healthy male should have a testicle volume of 20ml) my diagnosis was hypogonadism my sperm count is horrible, i have almost zero agile sperm according to my ex urologist i also have a 8cm thick gynecomastia my fat proportions are extremely feminized, i store fat on my tighs, chest and hips just like a woman my bone structure is also feminized, i have oddly narrow shoulders ​ i havent yet received any treatment other than testogel, but testogel made everything worse because of it's excessive convertion into estrogen, from what ive understand i should use hcg and a ai, ive asked several urologists for that, but the responses were always like "what the heck is hcg/aromasin? never heard of it, you're reading too much"

what should i take

dtl0z0

standard treatment for diagnosed hypogonadism is testosterone. conversion of testosterone to estrogen is normal and physiological; giving an aromatase inhibitor blocks some of the effects of testosterone. you stated a diagnosis, but not any testing of testosterone levels, either before starting on testosterone or after. has it been assessed?

askdocs

dtl0z0

i miss the time , when i thought everything was in my reach.when i had so much fun on plauground ,when i had no worries.i miss the time , when toys could give me so much joy ,when i had many things to spend time.i was full of energy.my parents were much kinder to me.when simple things made me happy.i can't adapt to nowadays world.i can't comeback to these times.i lay on my bed crying a bit.tell me ,what to do?

i miss my childhood so much :'(

3jeoru

you make your life now *better* than your childhood. get better, seek help. then when you are better do things, make new memories that will be better than your childhood. this is possible and you can start today.

depression

3jeoru

**context:** met a guy a few months ago at my university; we're now part of the same, main group of mutual friends. it took some time to warm up to each other, but we've really clicked since then because of our similar sense of humor and (believe or not) the fact that we're both socially awkward at times. i've really liked him since the beginning, so i was always trying to get us to hangout and texted him first a lot in the beginning. since then, he's reciprocated and we both text a few times a week, even though we're both living at home over summer break (so we're a 14 hour drive apart). contrary to how i used to act towards my previous crushes, i actually don't feel anxious texting him first or sending funny pics to him or anything; i do think a little bit on what to reply when we talk, but i still reply basically instantly to most things and initiate conversations myself sometimes. i have only a slight feeling that he likes me back, mostly because: he replies usually almost instantly over text, he sends me a lot of funny pictures, we were both number 1 best friends on snapchat on and off, and he suggested we take the same classes together next quarter. now, i have noticed a few things that make me think that confessing to him would be a bad idea. first, i've noticed that neither of us like to commit to things unless we for sure know that the other is being serious. i'm not sure if it's because we don't want to appear vulnerable if the either of us happen to be joking, but it's weird? like we joke about things so often that sometimes i think he's kidding if he texts me "let's get food right now" in the middle of our conversation, so i don't really acknowledge it. or, i'll invite him to hangout and he'll accept, then the day of the hangout everyone kind of flakes and i don't say anything to him, so he doesn't say anything until after the fact when he says he was still down to go. this makes me worry that if i was trying to be serious about asking him out, it would just come off like a huge joke or make things weird as hell. second: a lot of people think he's gay. he gets along more easily with women compared to men, and isn't traditionally interested in typical "dude" things. he dresses well and i guess is kind of metro in that respect, but again, he's never done anything that suggests that he's straight or gay. i know he's never been in a relationship before, and i've heard him talking about a female high school crush, but for the most part, he seems asexual and never talks about dating/sex. he's not very touchy at all because he's said he's uncomfortable with physicality for the most part. and finally, i feel like because we are both awkward individuals at times, that everything would be so unbearably awkward if he rejected me, and we would just stop talking. this would suck because we hangout with the same people all the time, and i really do prize our friendship and don't want to ruin it. we're both very...not self confident, so neither of us probably never make a move unless something was explicitly said between us. **my questions:** i'm sorry for the long, long context portion, so here's what i want to know: * how exactly would i ask out another awkward individual and make it abundantly clear how i feel? * i'm also deciding to wait a bit until we're both back at school and make a bit more observations to make sure he actually likes me/isn't gay before i say anything. what signs should i look for in how a shy-er, awkward individual shows interest?

how do i, an awkward girl, ask out an awkward guy without ruining a friendship?

3jlbjy

he's probably gay if people think he is. why not ask him? if he is you can still be friends and if he's not he'll know you are interested in his sexuality. you might frame it by asking that you have a personal question to ask and you don't want to hurt his feelings by asking.

socialskills

3jlbjy

this is my first time posting on this sub, i didn’t even consider there would be a large enough group of ppl out there who are like me to have our own sub. i’ve been reading through posts and i appreciate the sense of community here. i’m sure you guys can understand the feeling of isolation with being emet. i’m posting bc i’m trying to find treatment that works. my emet is getting exhausting. i have treatment resistant depression and wellbutrin sr is the only drug i’ve tried that helps my anhedonia, lack of motivation, hopelessness. on the flip side, i’ve been obsessing over v* a lot more than usual. i’m tired of it. i take zofran for nausea, but i’ve never been fully honest with my pcp or psychiatrist about my emet and that that’s likely the cause of my n*. i’m scared to ask for promethazine or reglan/be honest out of fear of judgment (both these mds i’ve only had for a year— cross country move). i’ve had the same therapist for 10 yrs and she’s the only one who knows aside from my family and so. i’ve done two different rounds of exposure therapy with different clinicians, quit during treatment because i would spend all day focusing on what we did in exposure therapy (pretending to v* with water, listening to sounds, etc). with lately feeling more emet than i have in a little while i really want to do something that works but i’m terrified of exposure therapy again. is it worth it? are there self-led programs to try? i’m at the point where i can’t eat at work if my office mate is in the office. so i’ll go until the evening to eat. then before bed i get stressed i may wake up to v* in the middle of the night. i can’t eat in front of ppl, not even my family or so without severe discomfort. i’m just really tired and not sure what to do. i can’t handle it being worse. have tried: emdr, exposure therapy, mindfulness, anti n* meds, ssris. feeling discouraged over here

is there a long term solution ?

hmn5bn

if you can find a way to stick it out exposure therapy can really work if done well. i wish you all the best - don’t give up!

emetophobia

hmn5bn

my history: i've been using kratom for around a week. it makes me feel nice and fuzzy, however it killed all my appetite and i barely ate more than 200 calories. the total amount of kratom plant matter that would be consumed is around 160g. while using kratom, i never had bad side effects or nausea. a day after, i woke up feeling fine and dandy and went to the bathroom, while chugging a bottle of water. an insane nausea passed over me and i violently puked the water out as sweats and chills set in. i have never experienced nausea this severe and it has opened my eyes to how lucky i should be to be fairly healthy. there was no food or plant matter, just water. i kept feeling the urge to puke so i would stick my finger down to get whatever out of my body, but it would not help. my boyfriend has also said that would be useless for my nausea. i went to the er the same day and they got me hydrated and gave me zofran for the nausea. i went home still nauseous and went in and out of sleep that night. the very next day, i took the prescribed zofran which really seemed to work. i could keep fluids down and eat porridge. i felt like it was all over. the next morning (today), i got violently nauseous in the morning again, only vomiting saliva and water. went back to the er, got hydrated, sedated, gave me tons more zofran, ice chips and a probiotic for my stomach, too. i was still nauseous when i got home but took my under the tongue zofran and went to sleep. i woke up and felt great. i still feel great now. i can eat and drink, and i'm starving from not eating for around 7 days. i would love to go to a buffet and chow down. however, i'm scared of tomorrow. will i be nauseous again? i have terrible eating habits but have always felt fine. any reason this could've happened to me? i don't drink, haven't smoked weed in a month. was is the kratom? not eating in general? please help and thank you. are there any other suggestions for the nausea as well? ps: to all the doctors out there, you guys are an inspiration. i had a wonderful time at the er where the nurses and mds would crack jokes while working with me. made it a lot easier to look past the nausea.

[21f] i have been vomiting and nauseous for the past four days.

6sbsyw

probably the kratom. just because you dont suffer side effects immediately doesn't mean you wont later.

askdocs

6sbsyw

hi. im 35 years old, an adult fully formed, a worker, a girlfriend, a daughter but have a big problem: if i'm happy i overshare, if i'm anxious i overshare, if i'm sad i overshare, if i'm angry oohhh man, it's when i overshare out loud the most, if i breathe i oversha... ok, you get it. so, how to shut my mouth up? i just need to try something to keep all my feelings for me, because the urge of talk with everyone who is by my side at moment feels uncontrolable. even if i'm at work, for example, with people who is just my coworkers and anything else... help me, please, if you have an advice to give, or some hack that works for you... let me try it, please. thank you, folks, this is the best an more supportive community on reddit!!! (sorry if i created some new word, hahahah)

i need help with oversharing

kf56u8

are you medicated? i always had a horrible problem with oversharing/verbal impulsivity, and it literally evaporated once i was medicated two years ago. conversations used to be exhausting to me because i had to work so hard to monitor myself and not overshare, and it impacted my ability to focus on the conversation because i was having to focus on managing what i said. one of the first things i noticed being medicated was that i just didn’t have to work very hard at that anymore. obviously you may very well be medicated already and still struggling with this issue because meds are not a magic cure for everything for every person. so if you’re on meds, i’d ask, are there other issues your meds aren’t helping with? if so, maybe you need a dose adjustment. you could also try some meditation or, if you’re like me and can’t slow down enough to meditate, ten deep breaths before going into a conversation, or periodically through your shift at work. i recommend diaphragmatic breathing, since it provides more oxygenation to the brain which can help you feel calmer and more centered. just type “diaphragmatic breathing” in youtube and stuff will pop up teaching you how to do it.

adhd

kf56u8

18f, 6’1, 170lbs, caucasian. have chronic utis and after a ct scan, they found out that i was born without a kidney. doctor didn’t really explain what kind of implications this has because my kidney function/creatinine levels are normal. i’m still unclear about whether i should modify my diet in any way, or whether smoking weed is okay. due to some past mental issues i have attempted suicide by overdose of antidepressants, will this have any implications in the future?

born without a kidney, now what?

esy90c

solitary kidney is a fairly common congenital abnormality. it has no effect on your life or what you should do except it’s working taking good care of the kidney you have. make sure you get appropriate checkups and treat conditions that develop, particularly high blood pressure or diabetes.

askdocs

esy90c

or is it just me kidding myself?

is it possible that thinking about a tic makes you have one?

g3dbuo

it happens to me all the time. when i was younger and a tic would go away for a while, my mom would point it out and the tic would immediately come back.

tourettes

g3dbuo

my left side of face has noticably more pimples. i also have more hairs above left upper lips than the right. i'm just curious if it is possible at all, or anyone is going through the same thing?

can pcos indicator(hair, acne) be more prominent in one side of your body?

3to3pp

maybe it's that you tend to sleep on one side and your pillow rubs oils into that side? just a hypothesis.

pcos

3to3pp

so last night bf and i were cuddling and as i was falling asleep he had his hand on me and it sounded like he said "please don't come back". i'm staying at his place. it was weird because we cuddled all night. maybe i'm freaking out over nothing. advice?

bf said please don't come back?

6aqrxu

he's probably talking to the other person sneaking out the door once you've fallen asleep. nothing to worry about.

relationship_advice

6aqrxu

got a spider bite, well 2, maybe 3 of them on my left arm. one is just below elbow, other is on backside of arm. i woke up with them yesterday. the latter was quarter size and now up to the size of my palm. red, flat, burning and itchy. doesn't feel like there's any cellulitis. i've tried a few rounds of hydroxizine, did 100mg of benedryl last night, and constantly putting momentasone furoate .1 on it. that's the only thing that relieves it even a little. we're 28 hours later, it's not really growing anymore but still deeply itchy painful burning. do i need to go to a doc? not sure what they'll do for me besides maybe steroids

spider bite - do i need medical attention?

6cn3x5

thanks all. went to the doc, better safe than sorry. five days of steroids should do the trick. here's to having the munchies

askdocs

6cn3x5

i feel like the worst person in the world. please tell me i can overcome this.

been with you guys for over 4 years. i was sober for close to 2.5. now i’m on day 1. please help me.

fgxu1s

the cofounder of aa, bill w. sought professional help at the charles b. townes hospital, the first hospital in the us solely devoted to treating alcoholism and drug addiction. he was treated there 4 times before he had his spiritual awakening. bill’s spiritual awakening might not have happened had it not been for the work of carl jung, the swiss psychiatrist. jung came to america with sigmund freud to attend a conference at clarke university. there they heard william james, the author of “the varieties of religious experience” give a talk. freud scoffed at james and jung began examining religious thought for its psychology. after their return to europe, freud and jung parted ways perhaps due to this difference. jung received a patient from a wealthy american family, roland hazard, and treated him for a year in his sanitarium in switzerland. roland was an alcoholic. within a month of his return to the us, he was drinking again and his family sent him back to jung. jung told him that he couldn’t help him but that he was aware of alcoholics who were able to recover by finding god. roland returned to the us and began seeking god. who he found was frank buchman, an evangelist who was trying to recreate early christianity though a program called “first century christian fellowship”. it’s mission was to meet informally in members homes and provide each other with support in the search for a spiritual life. roland brought a friend of his to these meetings, ebbie thatcher, and ebbie was a friend of bill w. after ebbie found god, he paid a visit to bill and bill was skeptical about god helping drunks. then in his last hospitalization at the townes hospital, bill had a “white light” spiritual experience and began attending the meetings with ebbie and roland. william james says that most spiritual experience is of the educational variety but some of us have known other kinds. if you are willing to do whatever it takes, get medical help just as bill did. aa has a long history of cooperation with the medical community. if you think your problem is serious, get into action. take it serious and do whatever you have to to arrest the progression of the disease. i’m of the opinion that the disease can be arrested but needs maintenance in order to stay arrested. don’t be too hard on yourself. that’s not going to keep you sober.

alcoholicsanonymous

fgxu1s

i am a 16 year old caucasian male, 6'0" and 105 lbs (i know that's not a healthy bmi), and i have been having serious issues functioning due to psychological issues. normal teenager stuff, but it makes it hard to get out of bed in the morning because of feelings of anxiety and uselessness. i need something to help cope with these problems, however i am concerned that anti-depressants might be the wrong choice or would have other effects which could be detrimental to my overall health. i was hoping that a neurologist or psychologist could give me some insight on this. also going to my parents or a doctor in person is not an option, and i don't feel comfortable explaining why here so please don't make that suggestion. i realize that this sub reddit isn't a good alternative but i don't really have another option and at least i can get an informal opinion here so i'm better educated on my choices. thank you. ohh and i don't use any drugs for medical or recreational purposes.

hoping to get an opinion on the affect of anti-depressants or other medication on an adolescent.

89lydf

there's certainly not enough here to make a diagnosis, which would be necessary to figure out treatment. antidepressants might be the right choice or the wrong choice. they are very widely used and very safe, but they aren't free of side effects. psychotherapy might be helpful, but it's a big commitment in terms of time and money, and again it depends on more details than really can or should be shared over reddit. if you can't see a doctor it's moot, really, because you also can't get antidepressants or any other medication.

askdocs

89lydf

i have been abused by two of my three brothers. the first time it happened i was five and my older brother used to baby sit my other sibling and myself. i don't remember the gory details of the first time. it's like in the movies when you see people kissing and then the door closes and you see them after the deed. i remember being taken into my parents room and my brother taking his pants off but i don't remember the rest. i just know what happened. i went on thinking that nobody else knew and that i had to keep it a secret. at about 9 when my oldest brother had moved out and it was all but forgotten my other brother started to do it too. it started off with him bathing me and my sister then dressing us up like dolls. after a while he would come into my room at night and put his hands on me. he would touch everything and i would pretend to be asleep. there was no way he thought i was asleep though because i would clench every muscle until i got too weak and couldn't do it anymore. he would make me come into his room when mum wasn't home and read a book out loud while he fingered me. he kept coming in at night and i kept pretending i was asleep. i would stay awake all night in case he came in and even now i only sleep in two or three hour gaps in case somebody comes into my room. when i was twelve i was talking to my friends about when we would have kids. i remember making a comment about wanting a girl and a boy but that the girl would be older so she isn't raped by her brother. my friends acted really weird and one of them asked if i was serious later. this was the first time i realized that it wasn't normal. he kept sneaking into my room and after a while i started to tie a scarf from my door handle to my cupboard to lock the door. one day i was in the lounge room on the couch and he had pulled my pants down and started "licking me out" (i tried typing many ways to say that but couldn't find anything as fitting.) my other other brother walked in and walked out again. we had all signed something in church that week about not having sex till marriage and i thought that he would tell my mum and that i would get in trouble. instead i told my mum about it. all she said was "don't go in your sisters room again". my uncle came over and installed locks on my door but it was never mentioned after that. after a while my mum acted like she forgot about it. we had moved house and my room was next to my brothers and he continued to abuse me. after a year my mum, sister and myself moved to another state and i didn't see my brother that often. in the month of my sixteenth birthday i went my old town to visit my friends and my mum forced me to stay with my brother. he raped me again and after it he hugged me and crying and begging me to forgive him. since then i haven't seen him that much but every time i do he hugs me and it makes me shudder. i am 21 now and i know that i can speak up about it. i have spoken to different members of my family and it makes me angry because they all knew about it and didn't do anything. i brought it up with my mum and she acts like she never knew. i remember talking to her about it. i worry that in the future he will do it to another little girl but i don't know what to do. how do i charge my brother for this? my family knows and they would all hate me for it. and to be honest it would make me sad to think of him in prison. the worst thing though is that sometimes i dream about it. i dream that i am having sex with someone and it feels good. then it turns out to be my brother. not only that but my ex-boyfriend would sometimes pull the moves on me while i was half asleep and i would like it and it would turn me on. i feel horrible that i would even think like that. if i think about it while i'm awake it disgusts me but i cant stop myself from dreaming it. i know i should talk to a therapist about it or something but i don't want to remember more and have it hurt again.

raped by my brother.

1vyn88

i am sorry this happened to you. a therapist would be a good idea, but be sure to find one that specializes in sexual assault trauma. the statute of limitations has not run out, if you do decide you want to press charges. if you do decide to do this, i would suggest writing down what you remember, specifically with dates if you can do that. contact a victims advocate-- a women's shelter should be able to help you with that. the victims advocate will be able to walk you through your options. given that your brother continued doing this until only a few years ago it's pretty much a guarantee that he is/has done this to others. if he has any access to minors, please report him--even anonymously if you must-- to cps. good luck. and remember, none of this was your fault.

rapecounseling

1vyn88

hey guys, i wanted your advice. i've been with my bf for almost 8 years now, since high school. i thought he was the love of my life and a genuine all-around good guy. throughout our relationship we've had good and bad times, but still mainly great times. i love him a lot. however, on our 3rd year anniversary, he confesses that he went into a strip club. supposedly for only 15 minutes and under the duress of his brother and cousin. then last year, he caught feelings for his co-worker. someone he had been bringing around me, acting like they were friends when really they were both emotionally cheating on their significant others (this girl also had a bf). this all accumulated into him kissing her and supposedly suddenly realizing he only wanted me. then this last december, before christmas, i found facebook messages between my bf and his cousin's gf. turns out they caught feelings for each other and had been messaging each other like crazy. but supposedly they "loved" their bf/gf so much that they were just going to pretend like things never happened.

do i stay in this 8 year relationship or not?

5msdqx

it's hard to stay together when you start young. he sounds not ready to settle down.

relationship_advice

5msdqx

sex: male; age: 17; height: 180 cm; weight: 69 kg; race: indian; i recently went to a clinic for a medical check up (my first one). i just received the medical report based on my blood and urine tests. however, i have no idea as to what the results in the report mean exactly. kindly request any medical professional to read the linked report and interpret the results for me. further, for any abnormal results, kindly request your insight into what can be done to correct them. for example, the liver function test indicates that there is excessive bilirubin, and the urine test shows there are some pus cells present, but i don't know what the implications of these are. thank you for your help! [medical report](WEBLINK)

medical report interpretation

cv7hce

why were you getting a checkup in the first place?

askdocs

cv7hce

age: 18 sex: m height: 6"0 weight: 280 race: white duration: past few days location: north dakota, usa, pain in head, stomach, muscles existing medical issues: none that i can think of current medications: adderall immediate release 20mg photo: none required ​ to summarize i was a little reckless a few days ago with my medication in preparing for a test and took more than my daily dosage to have an all-night study binge. after the effects wore off i've been having stomach cramps and nausea, muscle cramps, stiffness, headaches ranging in levels of pain, and some dizziness/confusion. i believe that i'm dehydrated based on the color of my urine and how difficult it is to get anything out, even when i feel the urge to urinate. i'm having a difficult time eating or drinking anything (no matter how bland) because of nausea and the only thing i was able to get down was a mcdonald's meal last night (strange i know, but this morning i tried to drink water and eat some yogurt and couldn't bring myself to force it down). in terms of sleep, i've only slept about 8 hours total in the past 3 days because of the pains. i haven't taken my dosage for 2 days because i fear it will make my symptoms worse. my questions are: am i going through withdrawal or something and will feel better if i get back to taking 2 a day? or, is this the cause of other problems such as sleep deprivation, dehydration, and not eating? and finally, what do you recommend i do? should i try to sleep by taking zzzquil or something? or, should i take care of the nausea and try to eat/drink regularly again? are there any good recommendations for alleviating nausea such as an otc medication? i've tried pepto bismol and tums and they don't seem to help. ​

please help, dehydrated, nauseous, headaches, and can't sleep because of it!

aq8yvm

well basically you're going through symptoms if someone was misusing amphetamines... should settle down though. if you feel able to overmedicate for academic purposes, is the medication actually necessary for you? (don't do it again!)

askdocs

aq8yvm

please cut me some slack, i rationally know this situation is silly but it still worries me. i'm a guy. my girlfriend and i were fooling around about 4 months ago. she had just gotten off her period and i just put the tip in. no full penetration, no ejaculation, and barely stayed in there for 5 seconds. we got worried about precum. so we got a plan b immediately the next day, approximately exactly 12 hours later. her and i are very open to each other. she got a brown period about a couple weeks later followed by a normal period about a week after. since then she has had a normal period every single month. she has also taken 4 pregnancy tests at different intervals within the month after the event and all said negative. at that time point, we were both worried. she never had any symptoms or signs. now its just me who's worried. i have ocd. i just want this constant worrying to stop because whenever she gets sick since its getting colder, i immediately assume its something to do with pregnancy. or if she ate something and gets sick, same. literally anything happens and i fear pregnancy. she doesn't worry anymore after getting so many periods. i don't talk to her about it as much fear of straining our relationship because i love her and i think she is the one. please help me relax my mind on this. i appreciate any and all help. thank you

i (24/m) have pregnancy paranoia (21/f)

5mb9rt

are you being treated for the ocd?

relationship_advice

5mb9rt

i've been seeing a psychologist for a little while now for my anxiety... i've decided to also see a psychiatrist on my own accord. should i tell my psychologist? should i keep going to my therapy sessions? what is the etiquette with this sort of situation?

etiquette questions psychologist + psychiatrist

99fasf

this is extremely common. in most agencies in the city i work, if you wanted to get psychiatric care, you'd also have to see a therapist in conjunction. the majority of studies show that the best treatment is a combination of meds and therapy together. over time, your psychiatrist probably won't spend much time talking to you about your issues. they'll just want to know how the meds are impacting you, make sure there aren't any bad side effects, and see if they need to adjust. meanwhile, your therapist will continue talking you through your issues helping you process and work towards your goals. it's always helpful to talk about all of your services with your therapist and ideally, sign a release so they can speak and share information with your psychiatrist. that way, all of you can work together as a solid team to make sure you're getting the best care possible. [-the webshrink](WEBLINK)

mentalhealth

99fasf

i have a very important job interview coming up soon. i'm never good with eye contact and i get really nervous when talking to someone and looking into their eyes because i'm not sure if it's too much to the point where it weirds them out. any tips?

how much eye contact is too much?

1agzcm

i wrote a guide on [how to make eye contact](WEBLINK). it should help you out :)

socialskills

1agzcm

female, 170lbs, 5’3, 24 i recently had the flu since last sunday night so i stopped drinking coffee i usually have one cold bottled coffee store bought a day and have been for the past almost two years. i also usually drink a sweet tea from mc donald’s at least 3x a week or more. since the flu i’ve only had one large mc donald’s sweet tea on wednesday a whole bottle coffee but i had half wednesday and the other half of the bottle thursday. since then i’ve only had sips of sprite like one bottle total and water. i’ve been experiencing this weird brain fog where i have had pressure above my eyebrows and i’m experiencing nausea under my breastbone and slight shakiness.

has anyone experienced brain fog from cutting out caffeine cold turkey?

9gdiwj

that could be from having the flu, or from caffeine withdrawal, or both. why quit coffee while you're sick? the best test, of course, is to have some coffee and see if you feel better.

askdocs

9gdiwj

throw away here – i’m going to try and make a super long story short. married for 12 years, dated for 6 weeks before marriage, have twin 9 year old kids. both of us had emotionally scaring childhoods, although very different. my wife has horribly sexually abused for years by a family member from about 8 -12. i had emotionally/completely uninvolved parents and never learned how to deal with my emotions/situations/people. we were a perfect match at first because she had a ton of emotional pain to give, and i took it all because i myself had been hiding mine for years and didn’t share anything. we went through a lot of emotionally traumatic things (some of which might seem petty, but they weren’t to her so they weren’t to me and i took all the pain she had). her childhood, she steals now because of it, eating disorders, hair loss, difficulty with childbirth (ivf eventually), on and on. through all of it for years and years i didn’t acknowledge myself, my wants, needs or desires and lived to only fill hers. eventually being the only emotional outlet she had (coupled with a subconscious desire to start living a life for me) made me break. for a while i had been feeling emotionally drained, then dead towards her. i snapped one day and told her i couldn’t do it anymore and i was done. that was 4 months ago. since the day i told her that we have been in couples therapy every week (we started on the day i told her), and a week later i got my own therapist that i have seen every week. i understand a lot more about the dysfunction in our childhood and in our marriage now than before. i also am becoming aware of my emotional needs (that i swallowed for 40 years). my issue is i feel absolutely no different towards my wife. we are doing everything to repair what was broke. therapy, dating, trips alone, acts of service to each other, etc. but nothing has changed for me. i love her but don’t care about her anymore (if that makes sense, i’m afraid it sounds harsher than i mean). she’s a good person, and a great mother. she’s smart, we are mostly on raising the children, politics, activities, etc. she’s still incredibly attractive. we enjoy each others company, and for the most part have a good sex life (still). but the feelings for her are not coming back in anyway. the last out of town trip we had (which we both enjoyed) i pictured her there with someone else. and i didn’t care. then i pictured myself with someone else and i felt no better or worse. my wife is completely exchangeable in that regard. so my dilemma is how long do we keep at this? how long do i make her keep working toward us when i’m not changing. and on top of that should i just accept what i have and move on. we do work incredibly well together and neither of us have major complaints about the other. i feel like i’m in a no win. i either choose myself and have a chance to finally find who i am, things i like, and find real true happiness but in the process of that leave my wife, break up my family, and subject my kids to a broken home. or i stay in this relationship keep doing the “right” thing and find peace in knowing a lot of people have it worse than me and my kids will have a steady two parent home. (as a side note, if i didn’t have my kids who are amazing and mean everything to me i probably would have already left my wife) tldr; my wife and i have a good relationship but incredibly complex broken childhoods behind them and our early trauma has led me a breaking point, and even though we are working on things together i don’t care about her anymore.

i [44/m] no longer "care" about my wife [40/f] and i don't know how long we should keep trying.

67whao

there's a difference between the pilot light being off, or flickering. if it's the latter, go to marriage counseling. if it's been off for a long time, you probably won't get the feelings back.

relationship_advice

67whao

i have tried habitica, but it doesn't alert me to my do tos and it won't reset at night (so all my checked off items are still checked off. i prefer an app that is interactive like an rog where you level up and get stuff.

good do to list app for adhd

6o0uw4

there is an app call "due" that is pretty cool. it provides a simple to do item but unlike other apps the alarm will ping once a minute until you either snooze or complete the task. helpful if you often miss reminders initially.

adhd

6o0uw4

hey! my name is "t" and like a year ago i was talking to this guy and we would text and dm each other. and during this time i have never dated anyone never kissed anyone and i was scared completely out of mind, i thought i wasn't mature enough and just overthinking things. i was scared that he might want only one thing and panic and just broke all ties with him even though he has never mention anything that i was scared of .and looking back i feel terrible and recently i keep thinking about it and wanting to talk to him and apologize. i'm just don't know it's been in my head lately, what should i do?

should i apologize or leave it alone?

67ldv2

no need to apologize. if you want to contact him, do so and just move forward.

relationship_advice

67ldv2

hey guys, hopefully one of you could guide me on this. i posted in r/mentalhealth and r/mentalillness but nobody answer. i tried to make this one a bit shorter (extended version is at r/mentalhealth). recently i've been exploring the decision of getting some help in the form of a therapist/counselor/clinical social work (unsure if there is any difference between them). in what do i think i might need the help? -personal stuff. -isolation. -career guidance. therefore, my two questions. first, how relevant is the age of the therapist/counselor for career guidance? and second, one therapist/counselor is enough for so many things? or i'll be better looking for more than one?

how relevant is the experience of a counselor/therapist for career counseling?

fbe6gd

i do not think that the age of the therapist matters much, but i do think that the experience of the therapist specifically in relation to career counseling matters a lot. i would want someone who has taken specific career counseling coursework (which is not something all therapists are automatically getting) and who does career counseling as one of the specific things they specialize in, meaning that they have current knowledge of the workforce because they have to stay up-to-date in that to serve their client base. i would find someone who says explicitly that they do career counseling (or vocational counseling) and then i would ask what their training is in career counseling and what percentage of their current work is related to careers or vocational work. note that, because there is so many potential careers out there, it's not a red flag if a career counselor needs to look up info about your specific field; they cannot possibly have up-to-date knowledge about every existing career. what they do need is up-to-date knowledge about career theories and interventions, the modern workplace, and how to effectively assess and work with folks seeking career-related help.

askatherapist

fbe6gd

like he isn't physically aggressive, but he raises his voice or speaks to me in a way where i can tell he's angry / bitter about it when it's brought up later on. says rude things to me about not wanting to make that kind of effort i understand he wants sex, and maybe is used to it coming easy, but i'm not easy, and i need him to show me effort in other ways.. like, take me out.. he said he doesn't want something serious, but then it's like expects me to just give it to him for minimal. when i am with him, we spend hours together. then, when i'm not, he disappears for a week or so. he can't pull the disappearing act and expect to have sex when i see him. i don't understand why he doesn't get that. i get that it's also probably the frustration with it? i know this is my fault. don't think i don't see where i've failed in this by allowing him to come back at times. why does he think he has the right to be angry with me, though? he even is the one who initiates with me first half the time if he wants to get it in, then he can go to the bar and find a girl. it's stupid, too, because i did want to sleep with him, but i need more consistency in the actions from him. it's difficult because i have feelings for him and care, so if i sleep with him that will make it harder. i suppose i should just totally knock him out of my life/cut him off and forget him. men, any insight on this? on the anger? or anyone?

guy i was seeing comes at me in aggression/anger because i haven't slept with him yet

5kmzxd

he's too impatient and inappropriate. head for the hills

relationship_advice

5kmzxd

i'm terrible at understanding how to talk to people about my feelings or how to talk to them about theirs. all i want to do is be able to help them and offer solid advice but i'm so emotionally unintelligent that i offer nothing deep or meaningful but just the generic surface level shit. i get overwhelmed and extremely upset to the point of anger and uncontrollable crying when i cant help them. not only because i cant help them but i feel extreme empathy for how they're feeling to the point that i basically feel how they're feeling. i'm typically a shy quiet person and ive always had trouble expressing myself, having difficult conversations, or just talking to people in general but will do what i can to help the people i care about. i just dont feel as though i can do it. it feels as though there's nothing i can do to help them until i fix myself and have the evidence to offer them solid advice. but i feel so useless and upset not being able to do anything because im too stupid to offer anything useful. i don't know what to do, what's wrong with me or how i can help these people or myself. any insights would be greatly appreciated.

my mental illness is stopping me from helping the people i care about

ajpulb

having a hard time identifying/labeling/discussing emotions isn't necessarily indicative of mental illness, but i can imagine how it might feel that way. what you're describing sounds somewhat like alexithymia to me. what do you think?

mentalillness

ajpulb

a few years ago i went an started seeing a psychotherapist, he put me on some antidepressants. he didn't really talk to me, the first appointment was 30 minutes and follow up appointments were like 10 minutes each. i had to stop going and talking the prescription as i couldn't afford the appointments and the prescriptions. now i may have not really given it a chance but it was a money thing and at the same time i didn't feel it was right, just giving me some drugs and taking my money. what are your experiences?

what is the job of a good psychotherapist?

1k489r

that sounds like a psychiatrist- a medical doctor who specializes in mental health. while some still do therapy, most simply monitor medications like other docs. a psychotherapist is one that does psychotherapy. it can be a psychologist, a counselor, a social worker, or even some psychiatrists. if psychotherapy is what you are interested in (and it is recommended it depression) then you need to seek out a professional who offers those services, or tell your psychiatrist that you would like a referral to a psychotherapist.

depression

1k489r

i have a good friend who i’ve known for a long time, a big, gentle giant, who has come out recently about the abuse his wife inflicts on him on a daily basis. we’ve known about her mental instability for some time now, she threatens to kill herself a lot, threatens to kill him. she wound up in the psych ward for two weeks after he called the police on her (she called him while she was out of town and said she was going to off herself). and while my friend would talk about the mental abuse, screaming, demeaning, controlling, the works, he just opened up about the physical abuse. i’m assuming he’s never talked about this because of the stigma men face when assaulted by women. one of the stories he shared that really shook me, was one that happened three days ago. she was angry at him and began to physically assault him so he left their house and walked out to a camper they have on their property. he locked her out so she stood outside for two hours screaming and beating on the side of the camper, threatening to light it on fire if he didn’t let her in. finally, she left, went to the house and calmed down but he said he was seriously worried for his life. but the thing is, his wife is very professionally developed, she’s an industrial safety auditor, she’s on the road a lot, makes very good money and i just don’t understand how she can have all these mental health issues that cause her to psychotically abuse her husband but can keep it together at work and not have issues. obviously, something is wrong with her but i just can’t figure it out. she hasn’t been properly diagnosed but the topic of her being bipolar has been thrown around. but if she was actually bipolar wouldn’t that also affect other aspects of her life? i've told him he needs to think of his health and safety and leave her, and while he's thinking about it, he still wonders if her mental issues can be fixed. i personally don't think so, it's been going on since they married he says (three years), but i just can't figure her out. and just to confirm, i've offered him all the help i can, a place to stay, referrals to counselors, and a shoulder to cry on. tldr: my male friend is getting abused at home, the wife claims she suffers from mental instability, possibly bipolar disorder but has no problem keeping it together at work. i can’t figure out if she’s a narcissist or just a serial abuser? does anyone else have a story like this, and can offer some insight?

friend(35/m) is being mentally and physically abused by wife (37/f). does anyone have some insight?

5pzzwe

doesn't matter what she has. she needs to get help and he needs to be safe.

relationship_advice

5pzzwe

hi, sorry if there any mistake, i'm french and it's the first time i post on reddit or on any social network in english. my sister (19) was diagnosed with bipolar disorder recently, and this week she was admitted to the hospital because she had some dark thought. she came by herself in the emergency room because her therapist told her that if she had any suicidal thought, she should go. on the week day, she's 2 hours away from home to be near her university, and live in a small student room. i'm (21f) live close by to, but we don't live together. she was out of the hospital but was re-admitted 2 days after, so my mom came to pick her up. my mom saw scar along her thighs, and i don't know if she has any on her arms. she's really tired all the time, because of the medication and her general state of mind. i don't know what to do to help her. i'm afraid she will kill herself. i have depression, and had it since my teens, but it's not the same, i never try to scar myself. i'm afraid that telling her that we love her will not be enough for her to not go through. what can i do to help her? what can my family do to help? what should i expect of someone with this mental disorder? (she doesn't have the maniac part of the disorder)

my sister has bipolar disorder and i don't know what to do

f0h9mx

that would be really scary to deal with. i’m sorry your sister and your family are going through this. has she ever had a manic or hypomanic episode? how did they decide it was bipolar disorder? does she (or you or any of your family) have a therapist?

mentalhealth

f0h9mx

so i'm a 20 year old female, getting to know a 30 year old man romantically. (1) is this age gap acceptable (2) what difficulties/obstacles should i be aware of later down the line when it comes to connecting on an emotional, intellectual, social level? **tl;dr;** : what should i be aware of when pursuing a fling/relationship with an older man as a 20yold?

dating a guy 10 years older? f20 m30

6y39pq

the concern is more from your end. namely someone age 20 is likely to be in a different place emotionally over the next several years than a 30 year old. 20 to 30 is the most huge emotional growth spurt of our adulthoods.

relationship_advice

6y39pq

my girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me one day, and proceeded to ignore me. she even went as far as blocking me every social media. i recently found out it was for another guy. whom she started dating less than a week after we broke up. she even broke him and his girlfriend up. this guy was one our friends and he would cheat on his girlfriend weekly. my ex even knew this. she never gave me an explanation or answered my "why" question. these events are now preventing me from trusting people. so back to my question, what helped you regain trust in other people?

[24/m] what helped you regain trust in people after a bad break up?

60lzve

trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. when trust is broken one of three things can happen. you can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. the ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. that's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. it's just deeply personal.

relationship_advice

60lzve

have taken 5 x 450mg (2250mg) over the course of the evening, and i have to say, it’s dropped my generalised anxiety from a 9 to maybe a 6. has anyone else had positive results from this product? the one i’m taking is puritans pride where the serving size is 5 capsules recommended to be taken for sleep before bed but i’ve paced them over the evening, as i take 3.75mg of prescribed mirtazapine to get to sleep. thanks all, and all the very best to this community, i’m going to try and be more active here and supportive. i’ve suffered from gad for over half my life and i want to get, and be better 🙏🏻

valerian root

jhke3k

pukka night time tea is awesome. valerian root, oat flowers, licorice, lavender. it's really calming. but i haven't tried it straight

anxiety

jhke3k

in general, compared to when a client first enters therapy, how do clients typically grow in therapy? do they gain more self understanding(of their actions and patterns) and compassion for themselves?

what growth patterns do therapists see in their clients?

fie7p1

this totally depends on the reason for therapy and the way the patient views their problem. some gain more self understanding and compassion for themselves, but not all want to or need to. that can be one goal of therapy but is not universal .

askatherapist

fie7p1

my boyfriend (26) and i (24) have been togather 8 years this month, but i don't feel like celebrating. since i graduated university in 2014, i've been keen to get married - we live together, have a cat together and generally don't argue. i was always clear that i wanted to marry him soon after graduating, and he always seemed to agree that was a good plan. i don't want a big wedding (our families are both quite volatile and it stresses me out even thinking about it) and i don't want an expensive ring. now he has told me he will propose 'by this time next year', but it's gotten to the point where i almost don't want him to. i have cried over this issue so many times in the last 2.5 years it feels hollow now. i do want to marry him, i do want to be with him, but i feel like if i have to go through another anniversary unmarried i will hit breaking point. i've told him that i hate feeling out of control of my own destiny and time line, but he doesn't seem to understand. i don't look forward to the day he ask's me, and that worries me. i want to look forward to marrying him, but i also feel so bitter i dont know if it will even be something that brings me joy. he thinks we'll look back and laugh at this in a few years but i genuinely feel traumatised. to top it off i have a lot of weddings of friends this year (all younger than us and in shorter relationships). i know i shouldn't compare but it's hard not to feel worthless when everyone is either asking when it's your turn or patting you in sympathy, and i know i'll have to endure all that humiliation before he proposes. will this pain go away? i'm so scared i'll marry him and still feel this resentment towards him. i can't bear to wait but i also can't bear to leave him. i feel trapped in sadness whether i wait or leave and i just want to feel happy again.

will i ever feel better about how long it's taking to get engaged?

5s6wqt

my rule: one year of dating, then get engaged.

relationship_advice

5s6wqt

didn't drink sunday or yesterday. yay. having a really hard time coping with everything right now. i'm feeling so scared about what's going to happen with my relationship. i'm feeling so overwhelmed by everything that was already stressful and difficult before my binge on saturday night. i feel like so many weird personal issues have come up this month and i've been trying so hard to deal with them. i've been journaling, meditating, doing yoga, running. my relationship was getting stronger and stronger. but then i got drunk. and now i don't know if i can pick up the pieces. i'm not sure if a drunken f* you was the straw that broke the camel's back and will make my partner decide he's had enough of feeling afraid when i drink. tldr: feeling overwhelmed and anxious, looking for virtual support.

needing virtual hugs

43w684

not gonna lie, obsessively refreshing my inbox right now. i'm at work for another hour and a half, and just struggling with all my thoughts and guilt and fear and shame.

stopdrinking

43w684

so, my best friend got married over the weekend. i worked an extra job and everything so i could have an awesome vacation and throw him an awesome bachelor party as well. i had 97 days of sobriety and decided to just take the weekend off, and really get down to the party business. well, it turns out that was a terrible idea believe it or not... i blew through all of my money by trying to act like a big shot and buy everyone drinks consistently throughout the night. i also behaved like a real dick at the wedding reception thinking i was being a funny guy, more likely i was just getting laughed at the whole time. but the worst part is that i didn't respect a damn thing about their special day and just behaved like the most classically uncool douche of all time. i owe them both a huge apology but i just don't want to bother them on their honeymoon. tldr; i suck, basically. edit: thanks for your support everyone i decided the best thing to do until i can talk with both of them is to just try and let it go and not eat me up. i went ahead and got out of the house, hit a meeting and talked with some of the old timers there. they always help put things in perspective, just like you nice folks. thanks again.

how am i not getting this?

ucxl4

i think you're right not to bother them on their honeymoon, but when they get back, sit down with both of them and tell them you're sorry. you don't suck, you made a mistake.

stopdrinking

ucxl4

age: 25 sex: male height: 5ft 10in (175cm) weight: 175lb race: caucasian current medication: none i think this is the correct subreddit to post this on, if its not please let me know as i really would appreciate an answer. i've struggled with depression for most of my life (around the start of high school). in the past i have sought treatment and spent some time with both a psychologist and a psychiatrist. during that time i was prescribed several medications for depression (lexapro, zoloft, lithium, seroquel, wellbutrin and one or two others i'm blanking on.) none of them really helped some didn't do much of anything, some made my behavior bizarre, others made me more suicidal, the seroquel gave me tardive dyskinesia but other wise helped with my insomnia and anxiety. they never truly stamped down what my underlying issues were i had multiple diagnoses depression, depersonalization disorder, bipolar type ii, add. a few months ago i did read an article written by a guy with aspergers (very functional) and the way he described it left me with a feeling deep in my gut that he was describing me. unlike some of the other diagnosis i've had which kinda fit this one seemed to resinate with me and made me look back and think about a lot of the issues i had growing up, it seems to fit. mind you this is just my own opinion i have not sought out an opinion from a doctor, its purely based on my own self reflection and research. now that i've given some background i'll move onto my question. recently i had a tedious project for work i needed to complete and happened to come across some adderall, given that i have difficulty focusing on one thing for a given amount of time (a point that has come up multiple times in my performance evaluation with my employer) i decided to give it a try. i haven't take adderall sense middle school where i had a prescription to see if it would help me with school. back then i lacked the awareness of what the drug did and how it would effect me. but trying it this time i noticed an amazing shift in myself, not only was i able to focus on a single project for an extended amount of time but for the first time in years i felt 'awake' and not like i was walking underwater with everything removed from me. i felt like eating healthier, i was more engaged, less socially awkward, robotic i just overall felt more human. would this be an adiquate reason to seek out an adderall perscription and work with a psychiatrist, or was i just high? tldr; can aderall be used to treat other mental issues besides add?

can adderall be prescribed for other other conditions besides add?

6pa77b

short answer - no. theres no evidence for methylphenidate etc for depressive disorders, though like everyone who takes it (with or without adhd) you'll get a temporary euphoric effect. but its not permanent. at present, unless you want to get an amphetamine dependence, i wouldn't recommend using such types of chemicals to treat your depression. (you've never been on mirtazapine?)

askdocs

6pa77b

as i always say, it's unsure i have asperger's syndrome. now, my problem. as my anxiety rises i experience really sensory problems. i sense really too much. everything can bug me until i do a panic attack. even when i'm not that i experience sensory overloads and it is really problematic. also, rare are those who believe me since they do not experience such overloads and i have problem communicating how much i suffer from it. anyways, do you have tricks to deal with those? i already have earplugs but it's not working enough and it makes my ears ache. also, how can i tell it to others well?

sensory issues

1escu4

this is interesting because it relates to research on introversion. if you think of asperger's as extreme introversion, it makes sense. here is why: introverts tend to show greater neurological reaction to all kinds of stimulus. extroverts have lesser reactions. so, to achieve optimal arousal (in a psychological sense) introverts need a calmer environment and extroverts need a more active environment. a quiet library might be heaven for an introvert and suffocating for an extrovert. the opposite would be true at a dance club. it as an actual, physical, neurological difference between introverts and extroverts. i don't know exactly what my point is, except that you shouldn't feel like your reaction to over-stimulation is unnatural. it is absolutely natural. you can't help it. maybe you can explain this to your extrovert friends.

aspergers

1escu4

32, male, 190 lbs, 6’3”. hello all. i was wondering if i could have a little more clarity on something that happened at the neurologists office a couple months ago. after 7 years or so of binge drinking, which was frequent but became less so as years passed but were just as problematic, i scheduled an appointment with a neurologist to see if i had occurred any brain damage from my abuse, and ask for naltrexone with the addiction specialist in the same office. i had a ct scan and mri done and returned to discuss the results. the doctor at first said “i have good news, the results are normal”. then later he said “i do want to show you this, there is some damage here.” i said “damage?” he said “well it’s not damage, but i want to show you this.” he showed me what looked like a graph with a red dot. i saw the word hippocampus next to it. he said, pointing to the dot, “you’re right here in the normal range, but you’re not where the rest of your peers are up here”. i then asked if that could change and he said “if you stop drinking, yes”. i then asked him why he initially said damage, and he said there’s no physical damage. can anybody explain what he was showing me? is it true that reading could change with alcohol cessation?

question about mri and ct scan results

94s296

mris and cts don't produce graphs. they're also black and white, so don't produce red. i have no idea what he was showing you. where you fall on the range of hippocampal volume? there's an association between heavy alcohol use and reduced hippocampal volume, but that's more of a research finding than something useful or usable in clinical practice.

askdocs

94s296