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i was reading a study on therapists and ocd and a lot of them in the study thought so and reading that made me so paranoid bc i worry so much about that. i always feel like i'm annoying my therapist/ psychiatrist bc i'm always apologizing and needing reassurance and worrying i'm answering questions wrong.

do you think ocd patients are annoying? what's your general experience with them?

efroyl

i would say the work can be challenging and perhaps there might be times therapists might feel annoyed because they’re frustrated that they aren’t feeling effective. i think it is more about the therapists’ own feelings of being ineffective which is frustrating, not actually being annoyed with the client. the ocd (as a separate from the person thing) is annoying as i would imagine it is for you as well when you’re struggling with it, but you’re not at all annoying as a person. does that makes sense? the take away: 1) it’s not you it’s them and their frustration 2) the client isn’t annoying and the ocd can be annoying for the client too

askatherapist

efroyl

not sure what i hope to get out of this. maybe just to get it off my chest. thanks for listening i've had little to no contact with my friends or family since early/mid november. my feelings of shame and discontent are my own doing. i set a very ambitious and risky goal for myself and have failed miserably, allowing myself to become distracted and not use my time wisely. in short, i feel that i am a failure in life. couple that with depression and anxiety, i withdrew and became a hermit more or less. i'd like to begin reconnecting, but the fear of judgement is preventing me. i know at the end of the day, it's all in my head, but in the moment, the fear is real. edit - just want to thank everyone for being so understanding and helpful

due to feelings of shame and discontent, i've spent the last 4 months disconnected from people, living mostly as a hermit

2xfc9i

have you thought about seeing a professional counselor? a counselor has a lot of tools that can help you overcome your feelings of shame and discontent, and also a counselor would be a very safe way to start connecting to other people again :)

socialskills

2xfc9i

i’m crying on and off right now. i’m freaking out. my mom’s having open heart surgery and i don’t even know what i’ll do when she’s undergoing her surgery tomorrow. two of my aunts are going to be there... so i guess that helps a bit, but i already have gad and my anxiety is going off the charts. just... f***! i tried looking for information and advice on google, but it’s all stuff for parents to help their children with getting through their surgery. i don’t know what to do now, and i don’t know what to do while i’m waiting in the waiting room. i’m full on panicking. i feel like i could have a mental breakdown. my mom’s the most important person in my life and even if the surgery goes completely well and smooth, she’s still going to be in so much pain after. i’m trying to hang on and be strong, but it’s so hard right now. i want my mommy. i freaking hate that she needs surgery.

my mom is having heart surgery tomorrow... i need help with staying calm.

esmlkp

hey, hang in there. you are in a shitty situation, no doubt about it, and i'm sorry you have to go through it. as others have said, there's not a lot you can control right now, and that can be very nerve-wracking. try to focus on the things you can control. it's hard to control feelings, exactly, but there are things you can do to take care of yourself and help your body feel a little better. have you done breathing exercises before? take a deep breath, all the way down into your lungs. hold it there for a few seconds, try to stretch your lungs out. then exhale slowly. repeat this a few times and count the seconds or your heartbeats - i like multiples of 4 because i'm a music person - like 4 in, 4 hold, 4 out. then up to 8, maybe more if you like a challenge, but take it slow and listen to your body. after a few cycles your heartbeat should slow down a bit. it takes time to calm down, always, but this can help you focus on the here and now and keep you from getting trapped in your head, as anxiety likes to do to you. try to relax your muscles as well. go through all your muscle groups, from toes up to arms, shoulders, and neck, and flex/relax them slowly. sometimes we tense up without thinking so this helps you be aware of what your body is doing. none of these things make the scary things go away but they can give you something to focus on that isn't the "what ifs" and negative thoughts - always try to bring yourself to the present and focus on where you are in reality - remember that surgeons and doctors and nurses are some of the most well-trained, well-educated folks out there. she's in good hands, she's in the best place she can be right now, and she's having to go through this so she can be healthier in the long run.

advice

esmlkp

we broke up around 3 weeks ago, i know is too soon to do that i guess... we broke up since she was emotionally attracted to someone else. i know she would like to keep having sex with me. any tips or thoughts.

any tips or suggestions in making my ex a friend with benefits?

6feisx

fwb only works if there's no emotional attachment. which i'm sure there is.

relationship_advice

6feisx

this is one of my first reddit posts so i'm sorry if i am doing it wrong, but i'm having a really hard time knowing whether or not i have body odor. here's my story: ​ in 6th grade, a boy once said "something smells bad" around me and i had a feeling he was talking about me. i didn't think much of it as i was 12 and was starting puberty. i just thought, "oh, i guess i need to start washing more as i am getting older" so i did. 7th grade, this girl kept saying "something smells bad. it smells like body odor" from across the room. there are like 6 students in the class, so i'm convinced she's talking about me. i continue washing daily, but this time i add scented lotion, scented lip balm, and add perfume. then, i get seated next to this girl. i get up to get something, and when i get back she says, "something smells so bad ew" later on, i notice people do not want to sit next to me. i don't understand as i wash daily, do not sweat much, wear deodorant, scented lotion, and perfume. later on in the year, a girl walks into the bus and says "it smells like (name of the perfume i was wearing) in here!" from across the bus. so i assume maybe my perfume is just too overpowering? maybe it's not body odor? 8th grade nothing, 9th grade nothing, 10th grade nothing. did not change my hygiene routine, i simply stopped wearing so much perfume so i assumed that was it. problem solved, right? no. 11th grade i was super busy studying for the sat's and i had a part-time job. i didn't have a lot of time for self-care, and i wasn't paying as much attention to my hygiene routine as in the past. however, nothing changed. i still showered every day, brushed my teeth, wore deodorant, perfume, etc. however, people started saying i smell to my friends. but this time they straight up said it was body odor. they also said my breath smelled. this caused me to obsess over my hygiene routine again. i bought a scented body wash with the same scented lotion and the same scented perfume. i brushed my teeth 4 times a day. 12th grade i had no problems. then freshman year of college. i was hanging out with a new group of girls when one of them started saying "something smells bad. it smells like an old shoe" and i started getting really nervous. but then i stopped myself and i was like no. i ran a whole body check. 1) i was wearing new shoes that i had gotten a week prior. i always wore them with socks and they probably didn't smell 2) all the clothes i was wearing were clean and washed 3) i took a shower that day (one in which i scrubbed every corner and crack of my body. i always triple wash my body) 4) i had perfume on as well as scented lotion 5) deodorant obviously 6) teeth recently brushed so i was like nah. i shouldn't worry. but then i left to get something and came back. out of the corner of my eye, i saw the girl point to me and whisper "it's her" this seriously caused me to have a panic attack. i ran to my room crying uncontrollably. i called every single one of my friends and asked them "be honest, do i smell bad?" and each one said no. and my friends are super honest. i even asked my boyfriend and he said no. i continued crying for 4 hours because i felt hopeless. i felt like i will always smell bad and it will prevent me from having friends. i drove 30 minutes from my college to my boyfriend's and he smelled me and assured me i didn't smell. yet i have a history of "smelling bad" so this girl must've smelled something. is there any way for me to know if i smell? could i be washing my clothes wrong or something?

how do i know if i smell bad?

buv5bm

you’re probably perfectly fine, but, have you ever heard of tonsil stones? they can cause really bad breath. even with otherwise excellent oral hygiene.

advice

buv5bm

i know this sounds crazy but for the longest time i have always had an issue with sounds. for example, i cannot stand the sound of another person eating near me. it makes me feel like i’m going to explode inside and i get really irritable. it’s affecting my home life but it’s uncontrollable. the same thing happens when i hear pencils writing on paper. also when there is too much noise in one place (tv on, music in background, kids on phone..all at one time) i have full blown anxiety attacks and have to leave. is something wrong with me? i feel like i should just be able to stop myself from getting so irritated but it’s like instant and uncontrollable irritation as soon as i’m in any of these situations. i am a healthy 28yo f with no medical issues. 5’4, 110lbs, ongoing issue for as long as i can remember but seems to be getting worse.

anxiety attacks brought on by sound? 28, f, 5’4, 110lbs, ongoing issue, no current medical problems or medications

cwkjbr

you're not alone, and this happens enough that there's a term for it, misophonia, although it's not a standardized diagnosis. there's also little clear guidance on what to do about it. it's possible that therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, can help you manage the overwhelming reaction, but nobody really knows.

askdocs

cwkjbr

hey guys, a couple of weeks ago i posted [this](WEBLINK) question. basically, my mom watched the autism special on *the nature of things* and got it into her head that acidophilus would cure my aspergers. so, i basically told her that i wasn't comfortable with taking it, that there is no way to cure autism, no matter what fucking david suzuki says, and that i find it incredibly insulting that she would try to force this on me without even asking me my opinion or even doing any actual research. she has, for the time being, reluctantly backed down; i think she's still stuck on on the whole "it was in a documentary, so it must be true" mentality. she hasn't dropped the issue altogether though. she's changed her tone a bit; now she says she just wants me to take it to help with some of my "digestive issues" which i've never had in my entire life...good thinking, mom. she'll bring it up from time to time (eg. *while watching an activia commercial* mom: look, barrageobad, that yogurt has probiotics in it, which is exactly what acidophilus is! me: yeah mom, what a coincidence...) i don't want it to sound like my mom is some kind of monster, because i know that she loves me and just wants what's best for me. critical thinking has just never been one of her strengths, to say the least. reading through your guys' comments on the last thread made me feel kind of guilty, because i love her and i feel like i'm setting her up as a pig for slaughter. some of the things she does may be kind of stupid, but her heart is definitely in the right place. trust me. thank you all for your support and advice. this is probably my favorite subreddit and it's so refreshing to be able to discuss issues like this with people who truly understand what i go through every day. and i'm sorry for the late update! i'm not good at responding to things promptly. many of you will understand. (p.s. in case any of you are wondering and it's important to your opinions, i'm 19 years old, but i live with my parents for financial reasons while i'm going to school.) **tl;dr i fucking hate david suzuki, but i love my mom** edit: i guess it would help if i linked to the original thread

update: my mom wants me to take a (supposedly) autism-allieving antibiotic?

yb5n1

can someone link to the original post please?

aspergers

yb5n1

age 46 female netherlands

why my mother who got diagnosed classic migraine with aura with blood pressure 106/61 got prescribed candesartan? why no triptans ?

a1xf7f

several blood pressure medications are also used for migraine prophylaxis., most often beta blockers (-prolol drugs) and calcium channel blockers (particularly verapamil). i looked into it and candesartan is also one of those blood pressure drugs used, although there's less literature behind it. why do those work? last i looked into it, it wasn't known and migraines were still poorly understood, but the medications do seem helpful.

askdocs

a1xf7f

**update:** thanks everyone for the advice, i got my cpk checked and it's 205 - no rhabdomyolysis! age: 20 sex: male duration of complaint: 24 hours about 24 hours ago, i woke up from a 4 hour afternoon nap with severe shoulder & neck pain (might have slept wrong). the pain just kept growing worse for a few hours, then plateued, and it almost completely prevented me from sleeping. this soreness feels really, really bad. i drank very little water yesterday, before taking that nap. i just got back from my family doctor. i told him i have severe soreness, he moved my neck around, and he thinks it's just a muscle spasm of some sort. he gave me an oral nsaid along with an nsaid cream. he didn't mention it could be anything like rhabdomyolysis. today i drank 3 liters of water in a 16 hour time span in case it is rhabdo, and my urine was never brown. however, i still suspect it could be rhabdo because i simply never had this extreme soreness before, and i went on today with 3 hours of sleep total. should i go to urgent care now to get a creatine kinase lab reading?

suspecting rhabdomyolysis - severe neck & shoulder soreness (can barely sleep) for the past 24 hours

cz7fqs

rhabdo doesn’t commonly happen out of nowhere, and soreness isn’t a symptom without pretty severe muscle injury. what you describe sounds more like what your doctor thought: muscle or possibly nerve pain from some combination of strain and sleeping in a bad position. yes, it can be very painful.

askdocs

cz7fqs

so i injured my neck about 8 years ago and i've never been the same since. after an mri i've been diagnosed with 7 bulging discs and nerve impingement whicy causes me severe neck, shoulder, and surrounding muscles pain. my primary doctor prescribed me 600mg of ibprofin 3 times a day as needed for pain as well as antidepressants if thats relivent. my pain management doctor prescribed me 10mg of baclofen which is a muscle relaxer 2 times a day. i have only been taking 1 of each pill in the morning because i've read that prolonged use of these medications can really tear up your liver and mess up your body and i don't want to be pissing blood when i'm 50 so i'd like a second opinion on these medications. should i take the recommended dose? am i being over medicated? the pain is unbearable at night which is why i'm strongly considering taking the prescribed amounts.

what are the risks of prolonged used of ibprofin and muscle relaxers? over medicated?

4yo2b7

generally it's a doctor's duty to ensure that the benefits outweigh the risks in any prescribing of medication, including long-term risks. the prescriber should have explained these to you, or at least pointed you to the right information. it will be up to you whether you want to follow the doctor's advice or not. ibuprofen 600mg three times daily is above recommended daily dosage in the uk (1.2g/day). i'll defer to us physicians if this is normal to do.

askdocs

4yo2b7

hello,   i have been smoking and vaping for close to 3 years now and recently i've felt the urge to quit. i track a lot of my daily activities through day planners so i have gone back to logs from 2014 where i wrote that i needed to quit weed but i just never seemed to kick the habit. here's my story, i apologize for the wall of text in advance.....   at the age of 21 i began smoking weed out of pure curiosity. it fascinated me how all of my friends did it. i wanted to know what it felt like when you got high. it was wonderful at first! everything tasted better. i had more energy to workout. i was funnier and more joyous than usual. i made amazing music and had deep profound insights on a daily basis.   time went on and my tolerance increased so i needed to consume more weed or more potent weed to get high. thank goodness i had a friend who lived down the street from me that had the highest quality cannabis you could find in the world :) i began to vape because smoking hurt my throat too much and we only vaped that good shit if you know i mean ;)   one day i was at my friends house and he had made some weed cookies. he had put a large amount of vaped weed in the mixture and he hadn't told me this prior to ingesting them. as a matter of fact, he told me to eat 2! so i ended up having 2 small but highly potent cookies containing a massive amount of cannabis.   that night i had the first panic attack of my life. i felt an artificial fear in my body yet in my mind i was contemplating what was causing this fear as i had nothing to be scared of? i was not in control of my heart rate or muscle movements yet in my mind i was completely calm. this showed me that the cannabis made me lose control of my body and was inducing anxiety, fear and physiological changes associated with panic. i now have this feeling every time i smoke but at a way lower level than the initial time it happened.   when i was 17 i went through cancer and have been in remission, cancer free since i was 18. i received chemotherapy for 6 months and got better really fast. on top of the chemo i ate well, exercised gently and used concentration and visualization to keep my mind strong. my oncologist was shocked at how my blood counts were higher and stronger than any other young patient or healthy patient he had dealt with. i was completely determined to get better and was motivated to help others get better once i did.   during my illness i did not have much energy so i spent lots of time meditating and playing video games. i became determined to be the best player in canada for the game i play (dfo) and i did! i went to the world championships for dfo in korea in 2015! i accomplished the goal which i had set for myself so many years ago!   when i got better i faced all of my fears head on and conquered them. i managed to smash my fear of public speaking by speaking about what i learned from going through cancer at all the high schools in my area in front of groups ranging from 20-800 people. i became a motivational speaker with the cancer society and spoke at their events in my area with no fear whatsoever.   i also became dedicated to my health and the health of others as well as the prevention/amelioration of illness and injury. i was inspired to help other people that were sick, and so i began studying kinesiology and health science at my local university at the age of 18. in my studies i found that meditation, exercise and nutrition were the best tools to help myself and others and they were the tools i was most interested in applying. mastering these three things would ultimately prevent illness and remove illness from those who were already sick.   during my final years of university we learned about meditation and relaxation exercises. i had already been lifting weights and eating healthy so meditation was the final piece to the puzzle. at this time, i had also decided to get a head start in helping people so i took a course in reiki. i had always been interested in energy healing and with a daily meditation practice as my assignment in my class, the two went together perfectly :) i thought giving my hands to someone would be the quickest and most effective way to help someone get better.   when i began placing my hands on others they would have visions, see angels, see jesus, healings would occur and many other paranormal yet miraculous things happened. whatever i visualized, they would see and feel within their body. i would do distance treatments on people and they would feel whatever i intended to do or what part of their body i was touching. the results were phenomenal! i also began to have precognitive dreams on a regular basis. i would see danger that my loved ones or patients were going to face in their future as well as other things that were going to happen in my day and the days of others. at this time i was still getting high but i had not had the panic attack yet.   when i had the panic attack, i stopped meditating, stopped exercising, started eating bad and uncontrollably, stopped dreaming and started having uncontrollable thinking episodes. all of the discipline and joy that had surmounted in me has seemed to go up in smoke. when patients come by for treatments it takes a lot longer for them to get better. i am losing the love for what i do and i am beginning to doubt everything i do. i am very negative now and have lost that zest for life which i had after i beat the cancer.   i am at the point where i don't know if its the cannabis that has resulted in me losing my drive or if i have just lost my drive for doing what i do. i wake up in the morning sad and wondering what i'm going to do to earn a living and just live through the day. at night i'm happy to go to sleep because i just might have an insightful dream or one that i could use to help others or i could train in my dreams (i go hard with using the mind to find human potential) but i don't because i smoke before i go to sleep, even though i'm typing out right now that i want to stop. its like an endless loop of despair.....   i feel as if i am depressed and that the cannabis may be playing a part in all of this. when i am not high, i feel amazing! when i get high, i automatically feel scared and anxious. i am in the same room and nothing has changed other than myself inhaling vaped cannabis.   after looking through everything i typed i feel so dumb because its clear that i should stop smoking weed. but i still feel lost......the confusion is killing me! i have been stressed about how i am going to piece everything that i do together in order to earn a living. i took a course in buddhist meditation and medical qigong to hone my sensory skills for dealing with patients and a course in reflexology to help those with foot pain. rather than feeling happy and joyful about being in these classes, i feel down and lost. i don't know if anything i do really helps people. i doubt the effectiveness of all these things i do now. i think, even if i go to medical school i'll be filling people with drugs that aren't going to do anything for them anyway. and in the end, everyone dies anyway, so what is the point to healing or staying healthy? more and more people get sick every day and it seems as if my efforts are futile in the long run.   is this thinking a result of the cannabis? i never ever thought like this before. or is it a result of the practices i do (meditation, qigong)? when i was first doing these things i was happy and joyful, now i can't focus as easily and my thoughts run rampant. do i stop the cannabis? or do i stop pursuing health and healing? i pray everyday for an answer, but have yet to get one direct one. or is the fact that i feel cannabis is throwing me off the sign that i should focus on health and healing once again? i don't know.....sorry about the wall of text...........   any help would be greatly appreciated!   <3 you all!

after reading this subreddit for so long, i decided to post my story....

45hksk

to briefly sum up your post: -when you started smoking, it was awesome. then, over time, you began needing more and more marijuana to get the same results as before. -you had a very negative experience using - the panic attack - and you continue to smoke even though it sounds like you still have bad side effects. -things that used to feel meaningful and bring you joy are no longer enjoyable. -you've wanted to quit since 2014 but have not been able to do so. -you feel better when you're not high, yet you continue to use. looking at all the evidence, do you think you need to quit? it's ultimately up to you to decide, but friend, i will say that it doesn't sound like weed is doing you any favors.

leaves

45hksk

i am 30. i have been suffering from near debilitating depression/anxiety for more than half my life. i finally sought help. it took some work to find someone nearby that would accept my insurance and could get me in reasonably soon. i was so relieved. maybe there was still some hope for a better future. when i finally saw the therapist, she said we should avoid medication. she taught me breathing exercises, told me to get active, and think positive. are you fucking serious? i should just "be happy"? do you know how many times i have heard that shit? i did not expect this from a therapist. i wanted real help. i am just baffled. i feel like the last flame of hope was just extinguished.

after 16 years of crippling anxiety and depression, i finally sought help. i am shocked...

6ievd0

marsha lenehan, the woman who developed dialectical behavior therapy (dbt), said she borrowed techniques from buddhism. it is one of the most research validated treatments available for mental illness. breathing techniques are not that stupid. hyperventilation occurs unconsciously due to hypersensitivity to stimuli and there occurs a cascade of physiological consequences to that hyperventilation. meditation, slows your breath and with practice a person can be trained to obtain a peaceful relaxed frame of mind. anxiety and depression are characterized by distressing thoughts and feelings. through mindful breath training you can actually change structures in your brain. here is one research study: WEBLINK there are many others. the good news is improvements occur quickly and steadily.

depression

6ievd0

i've been slowly getting worse at keeping me eyes on people when we talk. when i think about it, i can usually stop it a little. the main problem is that i've gotten into a groove with it, and dodge people's eyes with great timing but can still maintain the conversation. i look at relevant things around us, try to divert their eyes as well, etc. i've just started noticing that other people notice it, and it bothers me for the rest of the day. any tips to countering my subconscious strategies?

i need to learn how to lock eyes with people when we talk

12tkvh

this guide on [how to make eye contact](WEBLINK) is basically exactly what you're looking for. good luck :)

socialskills

12tkvh

hi! i have unipolar long-standing depression since i was 11. i’m 24f and i have been on venlafaxine 225mg for probably a year now. we had tried wellbutrin 300mg with it but it was pretty useless. adderall 20-30mg er for low energy, no h/o adhd. it didn’t really work but it kept me stable enough that i was okay. i struggle with suicidal ideation in general but never plan forming or whatever until i’d say june? i had a really hard time and was really unlike myself. tldr; relationship issues, struggles as a new nurse, plus my existing depression and low energy and motivation and i just couldn’t deal. i cried easily and multiple times a day, was counting my spare bupropion that i stopped taking. ( i have excessive sweating as a side effect and was trying to make it stop). i was writing notes and thinking about sorting affairs for afterwards and it was just terrifying. finally got to see a psychiatrist and he wanted to nix the bupropion and add lithium 300mg to augment the venlafaxine. i take the ssri when i get up and lithium before bed, which is hard because i work days and nights so that might be part of the problem, as these aren’t set times. anyway my thoughts and mood are much better, but i can’t stop sleeping. i’ve slept probably half the last couple weeks. easily 23 hrs of some days. i’ve had to cut back to 24hr because i’m exhausted. my head aches and i’ve been super dizzy. i have a drs appointment on friday and ill request blood work but i’m wondering if anyone can just give me insight as i have to work tonight and tomorrow night and i currently have a head ache, pretty dizzy, and i feel quite narcoleptic basically. i can stay awake at work okay but overall i want to perform well, not just manage. i also have experienced orthostatic hypotension for a while, predating my meds, from my last eating disorder relapse in 2017. (at that time i lost 60+ lbs in 5mo but subsequent blood work has always been fine, save for borderline low hgb after my periods and borderline vit d deficiency which i take a multi vitamin for.) the hypotension has definitely gotten worse with the venlafaxine and worse yet with the lithium. anything is helpful, thank you. edit: sorry, i’m 5’3” and 175 so well passed weight restored at this point

ssri augmentation with lithium carbonate symptoms

ct0lxm

neither lithium nor venlafaxine commonly produces fatigue as a side effect. with a history of eating disorder and no stated weight, as well as history of anemia, i would say that labs are important here. lithium level needs to be checked, although what you describe doesn't sound too much like lithium toxicity. other labs need to be checked as well.

askdocs

ct0lxm

     i have social anxiety, (as i imagine lots of other people on this sub have) but it seems different than how most other people seems to describe their problems. for example, i don't really have problems public speaking, in general, i'm actually okay with it. i can't handle myself very well in a normal conversation though unless i'm sure the other person actually wants to talk to me (which isn't very often). i think the problem for me is that i'm concerned not that other people won't like me or that i'll say something stupid, but that i'm devaluing their time by talking to them. because of this, public speaking isn't a problem because there isn't a question as to whether i'm encroaching on someone's time. the time is (generally) allotted for me and that's the whole point so obviously it's fine. same goes for if someone asks me a question; they only asked because they wanted the answer so obviously i'm not being annoying by answering it. the problem i feel like comes when i have to start a conversation, and usually i just don't start one at all. even people that i know like me, i can't shake the feeling that they would just rather not talk to me so i don't say anything. of course it's not really rational, as social anxiety isn't rational in general, but idk it feels different then how most people describe it. idk if other people experience it this way or not.

anyone else have this problem that prevents you from talking to people?

afch8j

not sure i have anything super helpful to add, but i have the same exact problem! i can public speak all day for the same reasons you described, but if my husband drags me off to a gathering of his acquaintances and no one specifically starts a conversation with me, i won't approach and force my way into a conversation. one difference for me is i don't think i experience it as anxiety. i experience it more as a feeling of discomfort if i sense that the other person isn't very interested in what i'm saying. who's to say my "sense" is based in fact or more just an assumption, but there are a rare few people who i can carry on a back and forth conversation with, without feeling like i'm boring them. it's been my experience that most people aren't very good at asking other people questions, and are busy thinking about what they want to say or do. i honestly don't have a good solution--that's one of the reasons i'm on this sub--but i can at least tell you that i'm sure there are a lot of people who experience what you experience. reading your post was kind of nice for me because it really is similar to what i experience. :)

socialskills

afch8j

hey reddit, any advice you could offer would be greatly appreciated. i hope this is the right sub. warning, it gets a little weird and gross, i apologize. my mother is 55 and spiraling downward. she thinks she has parasites all over and in her body. she is harming herself trying to "get them out," leaving open wounds all over her body. she is also constantly taking pictures of every scab she picks off or phlegm she coughs up, and studies them under a magnifying glass. to be fair, about 6 months back, she coughed up something that really did look like a parasite, specifically a lung fluke worm. she got and took a prescription to kill it before she even got a test for it, so she tested negative afterward. she's since had a biopsy that's tested negative. i suspect she is also abusing a few drugs such as xanax and oxycodone. she is showing addictive behavior, asking people for any oxycodone they have left over, leaving late at night and not returning until the am even on weeknights. i'm 25,f, and i don't live with my mother, but this is what i've experienced when i visit. she's also been very self-centered -- you can't mention any trouble she's putting you through without being the most unthoughtful, selfish person she's ever met. it's all about her pain and her struggles. it's difficult to deal with because i feel selfish when i don't respond to her texts (she didn't even call me on my birthday, btw, just texted) or call or visit as much as i should because i enter a wave of temporary depression/anxiety whenever i do. she texts me pictures of scabs and flesh she's torn off and now she's asking me to bring my dslr to let her borrow it, assuming to take pictures of that stuff. she bought it for me in 2009 but i feel like i'd be enabling her obsessive behavior (not to mention really unsanitary) but if i say no, i'll be an unsupportive jerk. i dread the thought of her getting really overwhelmed one day and overdosing because she feels unsupported. my grandma came down and stayed for a couple weeks to try to help, but my mother was rude and just stayed in her room most of the time and left at night. i feel like there's nothing i can do, but i also feel like i can't do nothing. it breaks my heart. please help.

i need advice. my mother thinks she has parasites.

2llth0

excessive drug abuse can cause temporary psychosis, although it's more often hallucinations than delusions. i'd suggest you talk to a doctor in your area about what options would be appropriate

mentalhealth

2llth0

he says things about my character that really offend me, i don’t think i am that way, but he doesn’t accept it. and keeps torturing me until i say “yes, i am that and i agree with this kind of thing”. i’m done with this, and i am thinking about stop fighting for making him understand me and just agree with everything. should i still care about what he thinks or just say fuck it ?

i am giving up on making my boyfriend understand me. i still love him, and don’t want to lose him, but i just can’t deal anymore with me telling i meant a, and he saying no you meant b. is it the end of my relationship? can i still try to make it work ?

fhb62g

nothing feels worse than being told who we are, what we think or what we feel. "can i still try to make it work?" your question stands out to me... the use of "i" instead of "we" gives me the impression you feel as though you are fighting for this relationship alone :( also, and super importantly. ... this is totally abusive of him and, as hard as it is right now- you are so worthy of more.

relationship_advice

fhb62g

when i have friends over, i don't know what to do. i'm stuck in a sort of weird mentality where i just don't know what to do if my friends don't want to play video games. it's been the same for a long time and i've actually lost a friend over it. i just started university and i've been talking to alot of people in my class. i would like to make actual friends and hang out with them outside of lectures. but i don't want to make an seuper-awkward and bad impression on them when inviting them over. so, how do i become a decent host? what do semi-grown ups do when they hang out?

how do i become a better host?

11uycu

maybe make some plans before hanging out? that way you know what they want to do and can plan for it. ie, "hey, do you want to come over and want this new movie i rented?" if they all agree to that, then you can structure the evening around the movie watching.

socialskills

11uycu

a few months ago, i decided to make a career change, which meant that i would inevitably be working harder and making less money. i accepted the challenge. at this time i also met a guy in the field i was training in. we started dating early into our training, a kiss was exchanged, and we had sex. i started experiencing symptoms so we both got tested and were negative for all the tested stds. after some medical horrors and events i finally found a good doctor who diagnosed me with hpv. the thing is, we had made precautions but it still happened. and he had no idea; there's literally no test out there for hpv for guys until they start showing symptoms... and most just have dormant hpv. he unknowingly gave me hpv. okay. well, he stayed with me and tried to be there for me. i went through extreme emotional upheaval and started attending therapy weekly. started using the meds. it went away after a while and came back. desperate, i overdosed on the medication and ended up in the hospital. still recovering from it. this is a short summary of the past few months but in essence it has turned me from a person who put away half of my income every month into savings, to someone who literally has to take from my dwindling savings account in order to keep up with healthcare costs. i had to get another job in order to support it and even then it's not nearly enough to keep me going. the thing is, i'm still training and so is he. but throughout this entire time he hasn't experienced any physical symptoms. he has enough money in his family to not need to work. i look at him and he is improving way faster than i am. we have similar ambition and work ethic and wit, and i feel like he screwed me over and got to walk away scot free. he is still in a relationship with me, and he supports me when i feel emotional. he even comes to the doctors appointments with me. he supports me in my training and actively encourages and helps me. but still, i feel this huge resentment towards him. i feel like everything he is doing is only half of what he "owes" me for putting me in this situation. even though i know that he didn't do it intentionally and that he is trying to love me and help me through it, i can't put aside the fact that i literally cannot improve as fast as him. i keep thinking "if i had never dated him, i would be able to be on equal standing with him". i keep ruminating about how other people will see his improvements as a result of "hard work" and "talent" while look upon my slow progress of a lack of such things, when i am clearly going through all the physical, financial, emotional repercussions of being with him. since we are both just beginning training towards our careers he doesn't have a lot of his own money either, just what is enough to sustain his living situation while he is learning. at this point my anger is almost prevalent through all of my life. apparently there's no way to diagnose guys for high-risk hpv, either, so i'll just have to keep checking for cancer--- and all this happened despite condoms by the way-- because my throat has been feeling like it might have some issues there as well. how do i deal with the anger? is it possible for us to even be together like this? i want to stay with him because we complement each other very well and help each other improve in our careers. however, it's not healthy for me to feel this way consistently... every time i feel pain his face comes up and i just feel intense rage. tldr; boyfriend unknowingly gave me hpv that upturned my life. even though he stayed and is supportive, i still feel intense feelings of rage towards him and don't know how to deal with it.

i'm [24/f] and boyfriend [24/m] unknowingly gave me hpv that upturned my life. even though he stayed and is supportive, i still feel intense feelings of rage towards him and don't know how to deal with it.

5sw6kw

i'm a therapist. i had some clients a few years back. they were childhood sweethearts and had five children. they were around 40 years old. he was a traveling salesman and she found out he'd been having an affair for two years, meeting the woman in cities all over the country. he was extremely contrite and was determined to jump through hoops and do everything humanly possible to attempt to right this sinking ship. they came into my office week after week and she verbally beat the shit out of him every session. he took it "like a man". he knew he had screwed up big-time and was willing to pay the piper. i let it go on for a bunch of sessions, and then i asked her to come in by herself. i said to her "you have every right in the world to be as angry as you are. if you threw him out on his ass the second you found out about the affair, no one on this good green earth would fault you. but, you can't beat him up forever. at some point you have to make a choice. you either get divorced because you decide he's a piece of shit, or you decide you are going to try to get past this, and try to forgive him, and work on regaining trust in him and the marriage. six months later i got the loveliest christmas card i've ever received in my life, the two of them and their five children all smiling.

relationship_advice

5sw6kw

some background.. my friend. shes been depressed for quite a while now. couple months. she has therapy and is scheduled to see a psych. but lately shes been threatening suicide. we're college students. so theres a lot on her mind making her depressed. she wants to do well in school so she wont take time off, her family is running into financial troubles, and her friends are all away and out of state and gives the impression that no one cares. it seems like shes drove the remaining people in her life away. and i feel like im the only one left for her. i spend days and hours of the week with her. and when we're together she seems alright. she seems functional and happy even. but when we're away. when i have to go home at night she starts crying. she says theres nothing making her sad and that its just the constantly feeling thats making her sick. making her suicidal. she says i dont care.. but thats all im doing. -the issue. im quite confident im mostly "stable". but i admit i have a short temper and low patience which is a bad characteristic of trying to be the person who helps the depressed friend. im sure she needs all the patience she can get. reddit. please help. im scared of fighting with her again. im scared. i dont want to be the reason why she dies. she demands that i fix it because i've been able to say the right things to her before. but its not always that simple. i cant just follow a flow chart and say the right things.. but thats what she expects of me.. im scared to say the wrong thing and push her over the edge. what do i need to do to "fix it"? or what do i do.. what can i do? shes at her limit and as am i.. what can i do to help.. i know im leaving out a lot of detail, but theres no way i can put all of it. and i do apologize if this is in the wrong subreddit.

advice please. my depressed friend is making me depressed because im out of ideas on how to help.

17gorg

i was in a similar situation when i was in college. one of my friends was very depressed and suicidal and i spent many hours almost every day just being with him and giving him pep talks, taking him for walks to a playground nearby so we could watch kids play, swing on the swings, etc. he would start to feel better and more hopeful. but then, the next time i'd see him, he'd be back to feeling terrible. it was very hard work to be his friend. this went on for a whole semester. the good news is, he made it through this low period in his life. it's been almost 30 years since we were in college -- he graduated, and has gone on to make a good life for himself. college is a great time of life, but it has a lot of challenges. it requires a lot academically, and being away from family and childhood friends is rough. people are transitioning to adulthood with all its responsibilities and uncertainties. that's enough to overwhelm some people. on top of that, i'm sure your friend's family's financial problems are weighing on her, making her wonder if she will even be able to continue school. it's great that your friend is getting therapy and will be seeing a psychiatrist. hopefully those things will start making a difference and take some of the burden off of you. in the meantime, i think you need to explain to her that you're doing the best you can and you won't always know the "right things" to say, but you will try to be there for her as the imperfect but concerned human being you are. i also think you need to make sure to take time out to take care of yourself. you have to replenish your own reserves. so do stuff you enjoy, keep up with your own studies, and make sure to eat well, exercise, and get enough sleep. finally, whatever your friend does or doesn't do, it's not your responsibility. no one else can prevent a person from committing suicide if that's really what they want to do. it's important when you're trying to help other people that you set boundaries for yourself. keep reminding yourself that you can't fix her, and if you don't take care of yourself, not only will you not have anything to offer her, your own life will suffer. it's a lot to take on to try to go to school and provide emotional support to someone who is depressed. if it gets to be too much for you, take advantage of the resources at your school. get the deans, the counseling center, etc. involved if you need to. it might even be useful to talk to a counselor yourself. you're a really good friend. good luck with everything.

depression

17gorg

i'll start with just factoids so i don't get emotional too soon. * met a young(er) woman like 6 months ago at a new year's eve party, hit it off, made out a little, cool * started seeing each other more and more, *new love*, things were great, sex was wonderful/romantic/etc * more we talked the more we had in common; politics are similar; both divorced; no kids; both hippie-ish * she's been staying with various friends and family for free for the last couple years since she went broke (?) * she started staying at my place more and more so now she just about lives with me in my dinky house * we are exclusive, like we don't see anyone else * i'm pretty average, nothing way negative or i guess positive. not rich, not a man-beast. * i work 2nd shift, she doesn't work, isn't looking for a job, and says she's hardly worked at all in the last couple years (?) * she's at my house about 150-160 hours out of 168 in a week, dickin' around playing video games and watching tv, argh * she doesn't chip in for anything like food or utilities. she pays for her cigarettes, going out to bars/restaurants, car expenses * tbh sex is still wonderful, though less frequent, and we're not as googly-lovey-dovey now. * i've met a few of her friends and vice-versa. we have a few acquaintances and facebook-friends in common but our friend-circles don't overlap * she is easily set off by small stuff like me turning off the lights not knowing she wasn't ready to go to bed, which upset her ok then. i'm pretty traditional/loyal/etc in dating, so imo we ough to or might generally do stuff together, like go to parties and bars/music together, etc, or at least extend the invitation. last week i was invited to a birthday/cocktaily party and invited her, she declined cuz she had other plans, which is cool. last week she told me she'd been invited to a cookout this weekend. i hate passive-aggressive behavior but being tired of this arrangement, i wanted to see if she was going to invite me to the cookout. she didn't, so she's there now and i'm on reddit like a twerp. i know people should set expectations in relationships. talk things out etc. i can't figure out - a. if you're dating someone exclusively wouldn't you invite your 'so' to like parties etc? seems like a given to me, am i a douche? b. am i being "catfished in person" ? c. what is going on?

advice for [43m] about relationship with [32f] ?

6drm6w

it seems she's not real together and i would be careful. she's dependent on you for your roof, but her emotions might not be totally on board.

relationship_advice

6drm6w

22f usa 5’2, 105 lbs anxiety endometriosis sorry if this is the wrong place to post this. i’m a bit freaked out and not sure where else to ask. i have endometriosis (pending surgical confirmation, of course) and non-surgical treatment has not helped. my doctor recently suggested surgery, which is scheduled for late december at a teaching hospital. recently i learned about the practice of allowing multiple students to do pelvic exams on unconscious patients for solely educational purposes without explicit consent. i am in a state where that is legal, and the teaching hospital does not cover this explicitly in its consent form. i know that a few years ago when this was in the news this hospital was listed as one that did pelvic exams without explicit consent, and i haven’t found any indication that this has changed. my surgeon was working there during this period so i assume he was involved. the problem is, i do not want that to happen to me. i don’t know who to talk to and i am afraid to approach the hospital without being better prepared. who should be my first point of contact for this—should it be my surgeon, or is there someone at the hospital who intervene? how can i make it clear that, while i consent to students being involved in my care, i do not consent to exams that serve only their education and certainly not exams by multiple students? would a specific denial of consent be treated differently than an absence of it? that is, if i say no can i just trust that they will respect that no while i’m under? i have an anxiety disorder and i’m terrified of hospitals so this procedure already had me freaked out, and now with this added concern i almost want to cancel the surgery altogether. i know i’m probably being paranoid and that i probably won’t be examined anyways, but is there anything that can be done short of just going somewhere else? edit: thank you so much to everyone who responded. i didn’t expect to get so much feedback and your advice is all very helpful. it also makes me feel a lot better to know that other people (and doctors!) take these concerns seriously and that these practices are not common everywhere. i’ll be calling the hospital and my surgeon, submitting a written document, commenting this on the consent form, and telling basically everyone involved in the surgery that i do not consent to unnecessary additional pelvic exams performed by students. i feel much better with this plan and i really appreciate all of the commenters who took the time to give me advice.

i will be having a gynecological surgery at a teaching hospital. how can i make sure that no students perform unnecessary pelvic exams while i’m under anesthesia?

dv3aod

the appropriate answers have been given. i'm going to lock this.

askdocs

dv3aod

i've heard excellent things about the ocd workbook, but i can't afford to buy it right now. does anyone know of any good free online resources, or anything of the sort? i can't afford therapy/medication right now, and i feel like i'm about to go insane.

anyone know of any good free helpful books, or anything similar?

4uqnzz

check out the local library or overdrive online.

ocd

4uqnzz

hi! ethics-related q. situation: i saw a therapist for a few months. she was wonderful. she went on leave for a period of time and then, as a result of covid-19, shut down her practice temporarily. as such, my treatment was abruptly discontinued after waiting out the leave period. her online profiles began to show that she wasn't taking appointments. i was bummed, but she sent me recommendations and i began exploring other options. i've been doing so for about three months. haven't found anyone i'm jazzed about. when i began searching again today, i saw her come up in the online portal. at first i was sort of hurt because i thought she would've re-opened her practice and then checked to see if i was still looking. is that not the case? is she not allowed to reach out to me directly since we have technically discontinued treatment? i'm thinking about reaching out, but not sure what to do. would love to hear your thoughts!

should i reach out?

hj2w1y

definitely reach out. was she in private practice before she shut down? if she was part of an organization, she may not be allowed to reach you. there are lots of reasons for this situation, but you aren't doing anything wrong by reaching out.

askatherapist

hj2w1y

it is currently 7am and my boyfriend has just fallen asleep so i’ve decided i need to identify what the hell just happened. just to give some insight on him, he’s the youngest of seven boys, has adhd, is impulsive and extremely childish. but then he’ll have these episodes where he just gets all philosophical and existential. he’s like a little baby, as i see it, pretending to be an adult. his dad was emotionally and physically abusive to him as a kid, and his brothers used to beat him up and make fun of him. he’s very outgoing and extroverted, but he doesn’t tell anyone his deep inner feelings but me. i visited him last night to just check in on him and found him in bed, but not asleep. he’s always had really bad insomnia. but recently he hasn’t been sleeping at night. he waits until the sun comes up and goes to sleep and then wakes up at 4pm. i’m not questioning that though. but he turned to me then when i went into his room and sat on his bed. he said he’s been so tired. so drained. he doesn’t leave his bed. he wants to but he can’t. and then he started crying. i left him lay where he was. he said how he doesn’t have any energy. that he’s taking all his vitamins and he sleeps a lot but he’s so tired and lethargic and when he tries to sleep he can’t. that he’s stuck in a revolving door. his cries broke into sobs and i embraced him. that calmed him down but then he started breathing heavy and broke away and kept out of the bed, banging his fists and kicking the wall. he was screaming. it was like a fit of rage. and then he would cry. and then just go right back to screaming and kicking. he was breathing so heavy, at this point he was gasping for air but he was so full of rage. he would scream this incoherent bits about something eating him away. or why was he like this, or what was happened to him. he started saying “get out! get out!” and i stood up to walk out, but then he fell to the ground and started sobbing. so i went back to him and helped him onto his feet and then he started hyperventilating again. he was pacing back and forth, momentarily banging his fist or head against a wall or kicking his wall. he started rambling nonsense about what he was feeling, and i’ll try to sum it up; “i feel so trapped, it’s eating at me, it’s killing me, but i don’t know what it is. it’s killing me from the inside and leaving a husk of my flesh. i’m just a zombie, and nobody will notice because it won’t kill me. it will torture me forever and i can’t do anything about it.”and he was pacing, and running his hands through his hair. and he would have two second intervals of sobbing and then would go back to yelling and then cry some more. he looked terrified throughout the whole thing. i can’t tell you what i was doing, because i genuinely don’t know. i was so overwhelmed with what he was saying and doing. i felt terrible, but i didn’t want to intervene to make it worse. i went to hug him to calm him down and he just swore and started hyperventilating again. “nobody loves me” “no, i love you” “fuck off”. we’d have those exchanges as he paced and then seconds later he would cry and say how sorry he was. he would have weird swings of perspectives. “it’s so hot in here.” and then he’d crack a window. “it’s fucking freezing” and he’d jump up and down. he said something that insulted me, i think he called me washed up or something, and then put his hands over his mouth and threw himself against a wall crying. i took that opportunity to go to him. as usual, he started breathing heavy again but instead of letting him go i just whispered to him and he calmed down. i told him he was probably exhausted and we laid down in the bed. he started squirming because he got too hot so i took of all the blankets accept for one and wrapped it around him. i told him to poke his feet out because then he’ll cool down, and he did that and then was out like a light. i don’t know what happened. i think it may have started out with an existential episode he was having and then something snapped but i don’t know. i want him to be okay. does anyone have a clue about what just occurred. i looked up a lot of stuff on the internet and mania seems to have popped up. does this sound like mania to you guys?

what is going on with my boyfriend?

chmgqe

chiming in to what everyone else says i think it might be good to look at physical illness- being sick can take mental things to a whole different level

mentalhealth

chmgqe

i'm 598 days sober. i completely lost all drive for sex, (or just about anything else, for that matter) after about a month of sobriety. people keep telling me that it will come back, but it just doesn't seem to be getting any better. i try to force myself to be intimate with my so, but it just doesn't work. my dr. has tried treating me for depression, but antidepressants don't seem to do anything. i am over 45 and i know some of it is probably age, but i think the main cause is my alcoholism. has anyone ever dealt with this and found a solution that worked? i would love to know.

has anyone struggled with no libido after getting sober, and if so, how have you delt with it?

dtltxt

get your testosterone and b-12 levels checked. there are shots for both.

redditorsinrecovery

dtltxt

female 21 years old. about 5 days ago i experienced nausea and vomiting. about 2 days later i started having a fever - about 38 celsius, my mom started giving me 1 g of paracetamol a day, but my temperature still stays up on about 37 - 37,5. i have a headache. since yesterday i've been experiencing diarrhea, it's pretty bad. my mum works at a medical center, but she doesn't have a direct contact with patients, shes okay, she has no symptoms right now, but she has had the same symptoms about 2 weeks ago. we are self quarantined, i haven't been outside for last 3 weeks. could it be a coronavirus? in my country there is no way of checking it unless you are pretty much dying. i have a few conditions; hashimoto, pcos and insulin resistance. please help.

can i even consider having covid-19?

frssoi

you could have covid-19, but without any cough it's less likely. you could also have any ordinary gi bug. a temperature of 37.5 c is not a fever, though. you would need to hit at least 38.

askdocs

frssoi

i'm curious if being demisexual or having demisexual tendencies is common for bpd folks. it's basically when you're only attracted to people if you have an emotional connection to them. i see it as being related to my symptoms because it's like i'm obsessed with finding a deep and all consuming connection (re: favorite person) and in the world of intimacy can't really settle for anything less. i've had sex with people i didn't feel this way about but i wasn't into it and genuinely feel like i cannot be physically attracted to someone unless i've tricked myself into thinking i'm in love with them. thoughts?

demisexuality and bpd

bkravk

i think that's just normal... most people require an emotional connection with someone to feel attraction

bpd

bkravk

i will keep it short. i think there is something psychologically wrong with me so looking for some advice as to how to find someone to tell me if i am just imagining things or something is actually wrong. i am living in york in england but all advice is welcome and very much appreciated. i am also at the university in york if that helps. edit: thank you all for the advice for what to do. i am going to email when i get back to university about doing sessions and also to my gps as well. thanks again to you all.

advice with getting diagnosed.

5l43jo

i'm not sure if it's the same in england--i'd be very surprised if it was different--but over here in the us, most universities offer at least a few sessions at the university's counseling center included in tuition. if i understand correctly, you're at the university of york, and [according to this page on their website](WEBLINK), on the right-hand side of the page is some contact information for the support center. i would start there. if you need more in-depth assistance, they can refer you to an appropriate clinic or hospital. i hope that helps!

mentalhealth

5l43jo

i'm really stressed out. between not pissing my dad off, having to ignore my mother for 23 and a half hours out of the day, being worried my dad and i are gonna lose the house, finding a job in time to not lose the house, i feel like i have more than i can handle. and! on top of that, i've been hanging out with my best friend/ex-boyfriend a lot and i still have ungodly strong feelings for him (and he knows). every night i've been crying myself to sleep, without fail. i start thinking things i shouldn't think, like things i've done in the past, or playing situations in my head that either don't exist, or have happened and ended with a bad consequence. or trying to replay the situation and acting differently. i am by no means sane. according to my doctors, i'm on the cusp of being a successful member of society or being in an asylum. i'm trying so hard to not be a psychopath. i've been considering admitting myself to an inpatient mental treatment program but i just don't know if it's a good idea. i've been in a program before, and it worked to some degree, but obviously not enough. i don't know if going again would be what i need or if it wouldn't help me at all.

debating admitting myself to an inpatient mental facility.

tarqt

don't worry- you're not a psychopath, you're just dealing with some severe anxiety. doesn't make you a bad or broken person, just that you need help. also- hospitalization is only to get you stable- to ensure a basic level of functioning and that you're not a danger to yourself. for it to be effective, it needs to be followed up by outpatient therapy.

anxiety

tarqt

my friend's wife bekah is 28 white overweight young woman. bekah was put on the medication propanolol (propranolol) to treat a blood pressure issue in may of 2015. the same day, she bagan vomiting. she stopped taking the medication in about a week, but never stopped vomiting. she had a hard time keeping anything down for months. this constant agony led her to become depressed, and was prescribed the antidepressant amitriptyline. after a few days of taking it, she began experiencing extreme side-effects of the medication, including hallucinations and paralysis. she was transferred to a hospital where she asphyxiated on her own vomit due to staff negligence, and became comatose in late february. the doctors have ruled out multiple types of illnesses and i would be interested in seeing if anyone knows of any specialists that may be on the cutting edge of either gastric/neural side effects of medications, or any other help. she is in las vegas. thanks in advance!

friend is comatose, doctors don't know what's wrong

5fy28q

strange. could there be a possibility that she was overmedicating (either accidentally or deliberately)?

askdocs

5fy28q

so i'm feeling like a bit of a hot mess. i've been so scatterbrained the past couple days. i find that i'm constantly trying to distract myself from alcohol cravings by eating way too much junk food and spending too much time online. i can't seem to focus on anything for very long. my apartment is a complete mess but i can't be bothered to clean it. i have no clean laundry or dishes, and i feel like i'm just hanging on. i'm currently working 2 jobs on top of a full course load and it's everything i can do not to let that all fall apart. i keep skipping aa meetings and i feel like i'm doing the whole "dry drunk" thing, which supposedly isn't a long term solution. i kinda feel like i'm failing and i'm only a couple days in. that being said, i guess as long as i'm sober, that's a solid win for now. i'll tackle more when i start feeling a little less crazy. thanks for listening. edit: just realized i wrote some variation of "feeling" like 5 times. i guess you could say i'm a little emotional right now!

i'm a hot mess and "failing" at sobriety

7ab7hn

failing? my friend, if in the first few weeks you don’t end up taking a drink, then you are winning. whatever you gotta do to stay sober in the very beginning, do that. in the first few days i was still so sick and miserable the idea of cleaning anything other than my teeth was inconceivable; i ate whatever i could stomach and didn’t worry about nutrition for like, a month. don’t worry about whether you’re a “dry drunk” for now. that stuff can wait while your brain and body get through the initial healing in the next two to four weeks. if you find meetings helpful, this saying always worked for me: go to meetings, and don’t drink between meetings. simple (but not easy!) as that. iwdwyt!

stopdrinking

7ab7hn

we met each other in highschool. i liked her from the start but was too shy to make a move, so i waited until the last year of the highschool. i knew she was religious, but didn't know to what extent. the start of our relationship was great, i was inexperienced as she was my first gf but it was a fun learning experience. we love each other a lot and are together for 2,5 years now, know each other for 7 years. the thing is, as we talk about our future together, we have very different views about it. she is christian, and wants to live her life with a partner that shares her beliefs, she wants to attend church together every week and on christian holidays, she wants to bring up her children in the christian religion and share spiritual life together. i on the other hand am agnostic, and don't see myself changing in this aspect, but i don't have a problem with religion. i am willing to compromise, but she thinks she won't be happy in such relationship. i don't want to attend church on every occasion, but i am willing to go from time to time, e.g 2-3 times per month, so as to make her happy. same with children, i don't have a problem with her bringing them up in religion, i see no harm in it, but don't want to actively participate in it. the problem is that i am madly in love with her, and can't imagine my life without her. i know that she also loves me very deeply, but it seems like her religion is more important. i think we could be happy together, but i can't see her ideal future working for us two. has anyone gone through something similar? any advice as to what i/we can do to make it work? tl;dr: i am agnostic and madly in love with my religious gf, who wants to break up with me because of her view of ideal future that won't work for us.

me(21/m) agnostic with a very religious gf(21/f) seeks advice

6o7qyb

it can work. you have to simply respect the other's beliefs, and do your own thing in that regard. now, if she needs a partner to be religious together with her, then that's a different story and a deal-breaker.

relationship_advice

6o7qyb

i went from nearly failing half way through high school as a depressed unmotivated kid to finishing my freshman year in college with a 3.9, as a very happy person. i’m still doing my best to make my life everything i want it to be. here’s some strategies i have been using: 1. exercising everyday (get your heart rate up, and get some fresh air). 2. eating healthy, and making sure not to forget to eat. 3. staying hydrated. 4. waking up at the same time everyday. 5. do one thing everyday that makes me happy. 6. not feeling bad for myself and taking personal accountability. 7. figuring out my meds situation. 8. seeing people that make me happy everyday. 9. stop putting off my to do’s (especially if they only take 5 minutes or less to complete). every time i feel depressed/anxious i go through this list. i almost always feel worlds better afterwords, and can focus much better as well. don’t forget that adhd doesn’t have to control your life. you are in control, and the rest of your life is in your hands! be free to add more tips on how you all manage your adhd, and use it as a tool for success :)

my best strategies for managing my adhd, and depression.

bqnljb

not feeling and for myself. i need to master that a little more. i do the other things quite well. not this one.

adhd

bqnljb

bear with me, this is going to be a long story, but i just need advice. i don't know how to handle this situation. on a sunday, i get a call at 11:00pm. it's jane, and she wants to have breakfast at denny's. we both have school tomorrow, so i decline. i decline especially because i have to drive and pay. nope. the next day i'm about to go to the movies with my boyfriend. i get a call from jane as we're about to head out. she wants to talk to me. i tell her i'm going to the movies, so i ask her if it's important. she says no, kind of mumbles. i let her know that i have the next day off from work, and that i can call her then. she hangs up on me without a clear answer. after the movies, she texts me that she does want me to come over tomorrow so we can talk. i ask what time, she says whenever, because she's dropped out of school. i had no idea she'd done this. tuesday comes around, i leave school (a mix of college and high school), at 12:30 to go pick her up. instead of staying at her house, she wants to go to one of the most expensive restaurants in the mall. i'm paying, of course. so here i am, thinking we're just going to talk and catch up about our lives. no big deal, right? i make an offhand comment about new parking regulations at my boyfriend's apartment, we just make small talk. i convince her to go to a cheaper place to eat. when we finally sit down, get our orders ready, she fuckin' tears me a new asshole. we've had a falling out. i'm terrible for not wanting to see her sooner. i should've gone to eat with her at 11 at night that sunday. i should've asked her why she'd dropped out of school. i should've called to ask why she'd dropped out of the school i don't attend, i have no way of knowing she dropped out unless she told me. she blamed me for not checking in on her to find out why she'd tried to kill herself, harmed herself, when again i had no way of knowing unless she'd called me. it hurt. i sat there for an hour, our waiter avoiding our table, people around us stared at me, glaring at me really, while she blamed me for her depression. when it was all over, she smiled and clapped her hands on the table, she said how glad she was to get that out of the way, and that we should still be good friends now that she's said something. i was shocked. i didn't realize she'd done anything. yes, i failed to keep in touch, yes, i hardly have any days off. but, it's my fault now? how? i pointed out to her i couldn't have known (which i shouldn't have done) but she wouldn't have it. wouldn't listen to me. eventually i just let her yell at me, and didn't say anything until we left. i payed for my half of the meal, made her pay for hers, even though she ate most of my meal as well. after that, she wanted to go to a nearby amusement park, i would pay of course. i said no, and started to go home. but she doesn't want to go home, she's tired of being at home. i ask if she wants me to come over. nope. i invite her to my house. nope. i just tell her i have to be home for dinner, and i drop her off at home. i went home and sat there in shock. ------------------------- a little background. i met my friend, let's call her jane, in sixth grade. due to my own personal problems with anxiety and depression, i really didn't have anyone else to talk to. we became very close, i almost lived at her house through sixth and eighth grade. i knew she had problems with anxiety, but, she never liked to talk about them, so i didn't pressure her. however, jane would never call me. i had to arrange all of the hang out time. she didn't, as still doesn't', know my phone number, or have it written down. most of the time spent with jane was me watching her play video games from four o'clock pm to five o'clock am, starving, because all i was allowed to eat was some mac n'cheese she concocted around six because it was me who was starving, jane was never hungry. it was boring, i tried bringing books, playing my own games on a gameboy, anything, but jane would always get mad that i was bored or disinterested. whenever i tried to talk (grades, my home life, my friends, normal teen stuff) she became disinterested. instead, she wanted me to read the countless perfect papers she'd written, and then wanted to tell me about how awesome she was. i went with it because she was my only friend. i never complained. then came high school, we split apart (she going to one school, i to another). we tried to keep in contact, but by our sophomore years, she was continuously blowing me off to hang out with her new friends, and getting mad whenever i couldn't make time for her. which, i would then blow off my new friends to hang out with her, because she was my oldest friend at the time. it was only on her watch that we would hang out. and i would always watch her play video games into the early hours, and get kicked out of her house at noon because she wanted me to leave. i went with it because, again, i was dealing with depression at the time, and i really had no one else. i would've made new friends had i been able to just say no, and not blow off the new people i could've met. i am a senior, about to graduate next month, and as of one year ago i got a job and a boyfriend. i rarely hear from jane, and if i do, it's because i call her to catch up, never the other way around. even when i do call, she never wants to talk for long. i work four or five days a week, one free day with the boyfriend, one doing homework, and if i'm lucky enough to have that third day off, i spend it doing what i want to do. video games, tv, just relaxing. i just don't have free time. i apologize for the wall. **tl;dr**-friend blames me for her depression and suicide in public, expects to continue being best friends like nothing is wrong. edit** sorry for the late replies. i typed this up late at night and then crashed into bed.

my best friend of six years blamed me for her suicide attempts.

1eofm5

this person is trying to get you to take responsibility for her actions so that she doesn't have to. don't.

depression

1eofm5

**this is a weekly general discussion and general questions thread for the askdocs community to discuss medicine, health, careers in medicine, etc.** here you have the opportunity to communicate with askdocs' doctors, medical professionals and general community even if you do not have a specific medical question! you can also use this as a meta thread for the subreddit, giving feedback on changes to the subreddit, suggestions for new features, etc. **what can i post here?** - general health questions that do not require demographic information - comments regarding recent medical news - questions about careers in medicine - ama-style questions for medical professionals to answer - feedback and suggestions for the /r/askdocs subreddit you may **not** post your medical questions from the subreddit in this thread. *report any and all comments that are in violation of our [rules](WEBLINK) so the mod team can evaluate and remove them.*

weekly discussion/general questions thread - november 11, 2019

dupe9j

i've been investigating the vaping death cases, and i've found some really conflicting information. among what i found is that sometimes smokers get a short window where they are more vulnerable to smoking shortly after quitting. is this true?

askdocs

dupe9j

one of my coworkers, who i consider a work-friend, has been talking about memories of when he would use heroin recently. i have heard that this is usually a sign that an addict could relapse because they start to remember how they felt. i agree with people a lot and listen, so while he tells me the stories i don't stop him and i've started to realize i might be increasing the chance he'll relapse. his work performance has also started to drop as well lately. he's walked out of work two times in the past week. i also don't know if i'm close enough with him to intervene. is there something i can do without crossing a line?

coworker has been bringing up past experiences lately

7dwacv

if you want to say something i think you should. try to be honest without blaming or attacking. think about a concrete example to point out. i would suggest saying something along the lines of, "hey friend, when you tell me stories about your past heroin use, i feel worried about you because it makes me wonder if you are thinking about using again/at risk of relapsing. i have also noticed that your performance at work lately hasn't been up to it's usual level, and that makes me wonder if you are struggling. i care about you and just wanted to check in and see if you are ok." if you decide to say something, be prepared for them to possibly get upset or defensive. remember it's ok to say something if you feel concerned, but it's not your responsibility to fix, rescue, or control him.

redditorsinrecovery

7dwacv

i'm in the early stages of cpt right now (session 3 about), and i was hoping that someone on here has been through the process or is also going through the process and would be down to talk about their experience with it. if so, let me know! update: i did cot to treat my ptsd and found it extraordinarily helpful. if you want to know about my experience with it, feel free to pm me.

has anyone tried cpt (cognitive processing therapy) to treat their ptsd and would be willing to tell me about their experiences?

dixr74

yeah i’ve done it - did you have any specific questions? i did a full course last year with the written account.

traumatoolbox

dixr74

i just had my first session this week and my therapist asked me if i’ve ever been abused but i was afraid of saying yes. when i was a kid my dad used to beat me. i forgive my dad and he stopped being abusive and angry years ago. i know for a fact he’s not a threat now. the thing is now he has my younger siblings to support and he’s working on getting his citizenship and i don’t want my dad to get into any kind of trouble. but this is something that has affected me mentally my whole life and i feel i might have to bring it up. i wasn’t sure where to ask. thank you.

(26yo m) if i talk to my therapist about physical abuse i experienced as a child from a parent that has since changed their ways, do they have to report the abuse?

hgq4mi

this depends 100% on where you live and the license of your therapist. i could not report this in my jurisdiction, but some states do require reporting of past abuse , even when the perpetrator is deceased.

askatherapist

hgq4mi

i'm 23, been in recovery for over a year, and i am desperately ready to get back in school. i graduated high school with a 4.0 in 2008 and i've since been to a university, (some credits, some failed classes) a community college (two credits) and a technical college (no credits). i don't know if any of that really matters in this case. as a dumb junkie, i let two loans fall into default and now i'm trying to pay them off. actually, i'm paying the minimum oh both of them, but i think that counts for something. anyway, i'm working two waitressing jobs and struggling to pay my bills. i said all this to ask if any of you have any information about this fabled "junkie grant" or any kind of financial assistance for people in recovery. (i did go to rehab) sorry if this post sounds disjointed and rambley. i'm on my phone in a mostly empty restaurant wishing i had a college education since nobody seems to be hungry today. edit: i'm in southern louisiana if that narrows anything down.

junkie grants?

1lhl5v

look into collegiate recovery communities. i'm currently enrolled in one and i was given a scholarship and in-state tuition. it's been an incredible experience thus far.

redditorsinrecovery

1lhl5v

hi all, i was diagnosed with pcos about a year ago when i was 27, but i've probably had it much longer. i also have an nos eating disorder that i am in therapy for. i've gone from 200 to 170 lbs over the course of a little over two years. i'm not allowed to count carbs due to my eating disorder, but i avoid grains and sugars as much as possible. i don't follow any one diet strictly, but the way i've eaten in the last year is more or less paleo with some dairy. i exercise about 3 times a week. last year i did a glucose tolerance test and was diagnosed insulin resistant. my glucose is fine, insulin is not. i was put on metformin which was a disaster. i ramped up over the course of four weeks, and ultimately switched to the extended release formulation. the dose was 2000mg per day. after 5 months i was still nauseous all the time and vomiting a couple of times a week. that was when i gave up on metformin. i did another gtt a week ago and my insulin was still high. my doctor wants me to try again with metformin. i'm game to try, but does anyone have any tips on managing nausea? i've done all the things i can find in various forums regarding when to take the medication, how to take the medication, taking it with food, taking it between bites, etc etc. i'm just really frustrated that even though my doctor is pleased with my progress on diet and weight loss that i'm going to have to go through this nightmare again. any tips would be great. i want to give it a fair shot, but i have a lot of anxiety. thank you!!!!!

trying again with metformin... tips?

3sbi2e

i'm starting metformin, too, so i don't have any tips, but just know that you're not alone here!

pcos

3sbi2e

29, male, 5'9", 200lbs, caucasian in canada. currently on sertraline, and very rarely clonazepam. full fledged alcoholic, and i'd like to talk to my doctor about it. i am not addicted to anything else, i only take clonazepam during certain events, maybe once a month, if that. successfully quit smoking 7 years ago (after smoking for 7). i'm wondering if admitting to my doctor that i'd like assistance in quitting alcohol will a) stop me from receiving clonazepam, and b) stop me from receiving potentially addictive substances in the future (t3s instead of percocet, etc.). any insight is appreciated. thanks.

alcoholic wanting to stop drinking. wanna talk to my doctor about it but am on other 'addictive' medication. consequences?

511ixm

addiction psychiatrist here - you shouldn't be withheld any appropriate treatment, addiction potential or not. benzos are a bit more complicated though as they work on similar pathways in the brain as alcohol. id be wary for you to be using clonazepam whilst recovering from alcohol dependency, but thankfully there's plenty alternative (and better) treatments out there. benzos complicate alcohol detox, so if you are using more regularly around the time of detox, you must tell the doctor. (in the uk we typically use chlordiazepoxide for detox, which we find more reliable).

askdocs

511ixm

because, then, i’d actually have a real excuse as to why i’m like this. i wish my family didn’t love me. i wish they’d beat me. i wish i was raped. i wish i could take the place of every actually abused kid, because they don’t deserve to be hurt. my mom is so loving it makes me feel terrible. when she gets me donuts in the morning. when she brings me breakfast and i don’t do shit for her. my grandfather, whom i live with, is working his ass off most nights, and yet i can’t even be bothered to pick up the trash i leave around the house, or go outside to help him with groceries. maybe it’s my mental illness talking, but i genuinely hate how i am. how everything i do is selfish and how uncaring and unhelpful i am. a few months ago, i was practically begging my mom to take her anger out on me, to beat me, because i wanted an excuse to be depressed. i wanted to be traumatized, like she was from her own past. they buy me so many electronics i shouldn’t even have. i’ve dropped out of school, and when i was in school i’d missed so many days a school councelor visited my home. i’d ran away so many times, worrying them until their worry turned to anger. they’ve given me everything, and yet i’m so ungrateful.

i wish i could trade places with kids that are actually abused.

d4un53

in the absence of a definitive reason to feel awful, it sounds like you're turning the blame inward. having "actual" abuse would make your feelings valid. in the meantime you're marinating in shame. i hear how loving your mom is, and she's trying to make a life better for you than she had herself. does it ever feel like she is giving and giving without actually seeing you and what you're needing? has your family ever said things along the lines of "you should feel...." implying there's a right and wrong way to feel in a situation? they're not checking in on how you're actually doing? does "you should feel grateful" ring a bell? shame can come up when you're not feeling as fulfilled as you "should be". this is amplified when you see sacrifices other people are making. but the truth is, connection and being seen are just as important! donuts and electronics are no replacement to heartfelt connection. nor can they fill any emptiness you feel inside. my point is your feelings are valid. what is it like when you're with your mother or grandfather? do you crave more connection with them? maybe once you're kinder to yourself you'll have more of your heart available to connect with them. you might even have the courage to say how you've been feeling lately. i encourage you to seek a therapist. they can help you sort out your actual emotions from what you "should be feeling". if that isn't a viable option i think journaling could help you find clarity and inner confidence.

suicidewatch

d4un53

so i'm currently with a long term boyfriend and i love him to death but lately i've been getting feelings for another guy and i'm not sure why, but it happened and not i don't know how to face it. neither guy knows about the other. the new guy is just someone i've been talking to a few weeks now and hung out with a few times. i told this new guy i can't date or anything but my feelings are in deep, and i just can't seem to figure them out. i would be so lost without my current boyfriend but i obviously had to fill a void, something was wrong or missing. this new guy is everything i would want if i was single. i really like both, and i'd be sad to lose either of them. i just don't want to do anything i'll regret. how do you tell someone that has loved you for over a year that you need time and space? or maybe i don't, and i just need both of them. but then i'd have to look that person in the eye and say i'm not happy with monogamy. this is just killing me. i want my current boyfriend to be the one i'm with when i'm 90, but i'm so young, and i wanna make 100% sure i end up with the right person.

do i (23f) need a break, open relationship, or something else?

78vjfw

best to thoroughly explore the voids with your bf, then decide if it's better and great, or it's over.

relationship_advice

78vjfw

to refresh your memory the step says: "9. made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." our relationship was fucked up and i'm stuck thinking that if i ever did step 9 with them they would just take my apology/amends and run with it and use it as a way to continue pointing the finger and all the blame and guilt at me. i'm sure it'll get easier once i get through more of the steps, but right after the meeting on this step i was like 'how the fuck would i ever do that?!'

not that i'm up to it yet, but has anyone tried doing step 9 (making direct amends, ect) with someone who abused them?

26nuy6

they're in order for a reason. don't get too far ahead of yourself. a good sponsor will help you recognize that we often deal with people just as sick as ourselves, but their conduct is not in our control. what is in our control is righting the wrongs that we created in an attempt to run on self will. that is where our release from alcoholism comes, that we swept our side of the street. if our sobriety was dictated by how a person reacts to our amends a lot of people would be drunk right now. there's a lot more i could say, but for now work on the step you're on, deal with step nine when you've made your eighth step list.

stopdrinking

26nuy6

hello, if you are reading this then you have a chance to save a life from serious harm or a potential early death. before i begin, my 20 year old brother does not know he has problems and does not want to be helped. so is it even possible to help someone who does not want to be helped? another thing, he has not been diagnosed as having a disability but in my opinion given a fair comparison of physical and mental capabilities to another average 20 year old male in our modern society, he should be classed as disabled or impaired. he has a memory of what you would see in patients with alzheimer’s. he will quite literally forget what has happened in the past 5 minutes. he has an intention span and behavioural patterns that resemble a 6 year old child. you might think i am becoming too metaphorical and the scope of these issues are potentially not that big. but please trust me i have lived with him for 19 years and these descriptions and accusations are very accurate, unfortunately. this first criteria is his health, which is the most concerning. every morning i look at my brother all i see is an image of his body one day collapsing and failing to function. he does not care for his health or physical appearance. he does not do any sort of physical activities or sports neither does he care what he eats nor drinks. 80% of his daily routine will be playing constantly playing video games on his laptop. my brother use to be slightly overweight but in a very short period of time his weight rapidly decreased and he has now became underweight with no intention of losing weight whatsoever. he will eat large quantities of junk food daily and always have a fizzy drink next to him, so how is this even possible? he has become so skinny and boney it is hard to even look at him. what fears me the most is his constant hand shaking and loss of coordination. if you ask him to make a cup of tea he will uncontrollably shake while doing it, even asking him to hold a cup still in his hand is not possible. ever since my brother was born he has failed to go to the toilet on time, unknowingly his bowel movement will occur in his pants. this happens so frequently and always causes my mother to stress out. my brother is incapable of going to the community doctor to seek for help, as he thinks he does not have a problem. so my mother has to force him to go and tag along. if you tell him he has a serious problem he will respond with some excuse saying he does not and then completely ignore it. making excuses and lies has become a natural stimuli to him as he has done it countlessly to deceive his parents. such as when my mother told the doctor about his rapid weight loss and shaking he said ‘that was all intentional’, and all the time it turns into an argument between each other and confuses the doctor completely. my older brother has failed college twice and about to fail it the third time. he has little to no social life. in social events he will interact with children 8 years younger than him and will not try to communicate to any of the adults. sometimes reality catches up with him, and for a brief moment of time he will personally realize and say he is a ‘failure’. he will then proceed about talking to kill himself but with his tone we cannot tell how serious he is. my parents do not share this with anyone but i know one day it will hurt them. my mother is always stressed because of him and i fear this stress is going to cause her problems. my father is incapable with connecting with him. age: 20 sex: male height: 5'6 weight: 55kg race: asian duration of complaint location (geographic and on body): uk citizen any existing relevant medical issues (if any) current medications (if any)

i am very concerned about my older brother (long post)

6j0g34

im a uk doc. has he had any routine bloods taken? what does the gp think about all this? i'm not sure what's going on really. there's clear inconsistencies in his presentation that makes me wonder if he is more capable than he appears. for someone with terrible concentration he can capably play games all day. there may be some self-esteem stuff going on but im not sure if there is a medical condition that explains this, sadly.

askdocs

6j0g34

hello, i'm new here so not sure how it all works. but i want to share my story and any advice/suggestions would help a lot. background: my partner (m51) and i (f40) been together for 4years. during those 4 years we broke up many many times. the main reason we broke up so many times is because of his ex-partner. he and his ex have been together for 16/17 years ....they split up 1,5 years before i met him. she had a baby just when we started dating (no, it's not his child). she lives in dublin (we're in london). at the beginning he used to visit her and her child in dublin almost every months. he also is a godfather to her child (which he hid from me, but i found out by accident). nowadays, he still visits them a lot but not as often as it used to be. as i mentioned we've been together for 4 years, but i haven't met her or her child. at the begging he said it's not a right time to tell her about us (?), i don't know why. so i waited. now, he says he goes there to spend some time with his godson. many times when he went to dublin he lied or hid from me, which i found out about later. and if and when he tells me that he's going there it's always the last minute. and obviously it makes me upset and we have arguments when he's back from dublin. he says that they have long history and that they're just good friends, and that she and her family will always be a part of his life espclly that he's a godfather to her son. i understand that and accept it. but he also says that he wants me to be part of his life too and that he loves me and he wants to be with me and that there's nothing between them, that emotionally and physically he's not attracted to her anymore, that it's all gone. and i believe him, i know he loves me and i love him too, but why he doesn't want to introduce us??

hurt, lost and disappointed. (long one, sorry)

6pbctn

it makes no sense for you not to meet her. he shouldn't have a private relationship with his ex

relationship_advice

6pbctn

hi guys! i'm dating a guy (29) with add since a few months back, he's an absolute dream and everything i've ever wished for. except from one thing. when he's on his medication he becomes pretty cold and emotionless, a completely different person. he says the medication has made it possible for him to live a much more normal life and makes it possible for him to handle a lot of the problems add gives him such as emotional instability and social phobia. the mornings before he takes the medication and the evenings when it starts to wear off it's like i'm living in a dream, i'm happier then i've ever been before. but during the days it sometimes feels like i don't even exist for him and it kills me inside. i would never ask him to stop taking his medication since he says it has helped him so much. i love him and leaving him because of this isn't an option. please help me, anyone has any tips on how to handle this?

he's a different person on his add medication, what should i do?

6ye93y

he might be taking too much. he should titrate it with his doc if possible.

relationship_advice

6ye93y

my last session i feel as if my therapist insinuated that i was not showing my true personality. this really offended me considering that i am being my true self in therapy and i do value my character a lot. she knows that i am not one for swearing or anything r-rated. i don’t have any problem with other people liking those things, it’s just not my personality per say. so in the midst of her speaking on “loving myself” she sandwiched in the words “milking it, jesus lover, and manipulative”... it really didn’t sink in what she said until after the session was over. i started to get really sad and anxious because i thought someone had finally understood me. how do i bring this up to her in our next session? i don’t want to seem confrontational or “manipulative”. i just want to know what she meant by it and that it did hurt me. again, i don’t want her to think any less of me or potentially want to stop seeing me if i bring it up and “accuse” her.

how do i tell my therapist her words upset me?

g997fn

this is so important to bring up ! you mentioned that you sometimes feel others don't understand you. this is an excellent opportunity to practice this skill. there are many ways to approach this. for example, you could say something like "i have been thinking about what you said last week. i can fully own _____, though when you said _____ it really hurt. can we talk about it?"

askatherapist

g997fn

so at about 4 today i took a .5mg klonopin as i was feeling really really anxious. fast forward five hours later i’m at this 4th of july celebration and had a beer and half, before it hit me i took a klonopin. i’m definitely not going to drink anymore. i’m 5’10 about 160 and hold my alcohol normally very well. given the fact that i stop right now, i should be ok right?? drank about 4 bottles of water prior if that helps edit: i know people do way worse but i have pretty terrible health anxiety (hence the klonopin) which is why i’m asking lol

took one .5mg klonopin about 5 hours ago, just had a beer and a half. forgot that took it since i haven’t in awhile. am i screwed?

8w6jja

you'll be fine. klonopin might accentuate intoxication, but if you just have a little bit to drink you might feel it more but won't pass out and stop breathing.

askdocs

8w6jja

adderall has changed my life. but it's come at a cost. it keeps me awake and makes me search for a way to unwind. it seems that nowadays i've started to drink more than i'd like. is this something that is normal in people with adhd? i know it runs in my family and i'm afraid i have alcoholic tendencies. what are some alternatives to calm the side-effects of adderall or any other medicine?

how do you unwind?

7nk38d

i usually exercise or run...this may not be the most "fun" option but it really helps reduce the feelings of being on edge.

adhd

7nk38d

perhaps i should give some background. i have a friend who, since childhood, has had ocd. as a child the ocd apparently bad but, through therapy, he was able to overcome his problems with symmetry, habitual hand washing, etc. fast-forward some fifteen years, he recently became very depressed, convinced that his body was plagued by certain pains (minor pains in back, a finger pain, strange swollen feeling in ear). essentially he saw no point in living, seeing how he has all these different pains that no doctor has been able to find a physical precedent for. he was however, convinced that these pains were physical. he could no longer function properly at work because he was constantly thinking about one of his pains. he stopped doing outdoor activities that involved one of his hands (for fear that it might "re-injure" his already "hurt" finger). he also became very depressed after he took anesthesia for surgery on a fractured bone. the anesthesia made him worry more about how weak his body was, about how easily it was to 'put it down.' he became borderline suicidal, tortured by the fact that he was visiting all these doctors, going to appointments, getting medical treatment (including surgeries on areas he thinks there is pain) with no results. he recently came under the impression that parasites might infest his house (he has dry skin on one arm). he also had to take a blood test recently and one of the tests came out slightly abnormal but all the others were fine and the doctors didn't think anything of it. however, he has convinced himself that he might have some type of blood disease. he's now trying to get more blood tests done to confirm whether or not this is true. he also had an infected scratch a while ago but he thinks the pain is re-emerging and that the infection has somehow burrowed itself inside of him. i have hinted at all of his worries about pain, shortness of breath, excessive coughing, heart rate, etc. are due to his ocd, his tendency to focus and worry about one particular symptom for hours at a time. i then started to look up somatic symptom disorder, and he meets almost all the criteria. he's diminishing the quality of his life, but at the same time he feels like chasing down all these doctors, getting these tests done, getting surgery, is the only way he can solve his issues. it's a vicious cycle--like an alcoholic who drinks to suppress the pain, while remaining ignorant towards the fact that the alcohol is also exacerbating the pain. he sees his problems as solely physical, and is trying to treat them as such. i think they're fundamentally mental and if he continues to remedy these issues solely through physical means, he won't solve the problem and will further plunge himself into anxiety and depression. i have told him to see a psychiatrist but he has yet to do so. he wants to deal with the physical aspect first he says. he also has a stigma against therapists and psychologists (him seeing psychiatry as an outgrowth of these)--calling them money-hungry people who pretty much just earned a college degree to swindle others out of their money by eliciting pointless conversation. he also is opposed to anti-depressants, seeing them an artificial means to happiness that robs him of his agency to achieve happiness himself. i've been thinking about finally confronting him, of telling him how serious i think his situation is. i want to insist that his problem is not just a conglomeration of unfortunate physical issues but, rather, a fully-fledged mental disorder. i'm baffled how obvious it is, yet how oblivious he is to it. i'm afraid of doing this though. how can i convince my friend to get adequate help? i'm watching him destroy his life, and he's too hung up on the physical side of things to take notice of the underlying mental instability. please help.

how to convince friend to see a psychiatrist

78fom0

you'd hope that whichever doctor is coordinating his overall care will be recognising the possibility of mental health issues affecting your friend. he clearly has no intention to seek help, so it's going to be pretty difficult to change that except in a crisis situation. i suspect we will have to wait and hopefully watch him slowly come round to the idea of seeing this as not purely a physical manifestation of illness. i agree that it might be a somatoform disorder (rather than eg. psychosis), which would require medication + talking therapies.

askdocs

78fom0

this is about my grandparent, he suffered a tia - was treated and now he's suffering some consequences after it, like frequent need to go to the bathroom. please see below some details and i would appreciate any suggestions about next steps or exams to the determine the cause and stop the weakness and confusion that low sodium may be bringing into his life. age: 82 sex: male relevant medical conditions: * diabetes mellitus type 2 * transitory ischemic attack (tia) * urinary urgency after tia * frequent urination after tia and under normal levels of glucose * weakness, dizzyness and leg weakness current medications: * lipitor * sitagliptine clorhydrate metformin current sodium level: * 131 ml/dl (moderate) - ideal is 135 at least

82 y/o male hyponatremia after tia - can't find a cause.

8tfkw0

urine and serum sodium are helpful.

askdocs

8tfkw0

last summer i ended up in a relationship with my roommate. we really rushed into it and i have some doubts about my even being ready for a relationship of this magnitude. despite being 20 when we started dating, this is my first real relationship. after being a straight-laced d1 competitive rower with giant arms and no body fat for the first two years of college, i decided i wanted to have a normal college experience. i stopped rowing, lost a ton of muscle, giant boobs popped out of my chest, and suddenly i was getting an incredible amount of male attention compared to my high school and college life thus far. overwhelmed and not really equipped to handle this new attention, i suddenly found my new friendly roommate expressing interest in me. within weeks of him moving in we suddenly became a couple. we’ve been dating the last 8 months and i am really happy most of the time. i grew up in a messy divorce that resulted in a numb childhood and this guy’s attention is literally like a drug to me. when we first started dating i stopped exercising - my main source of endorphins and independent happiness - in order to spend the entire day just cuddling with him. we have pretty much isolated ourselves at his point. another roommate, who was my closest friend has pulled away saying that i am different and it’s true. i spend all of my free time with my boyfriend and through this winter of horrible weather have not continued the outdoor activities that i really loved. i recognize this is a classic first-relationship, immature mistake and think it probably wouldn’t be nearly the problem it is if we hadn’t lived together from the start. i am actively trying to get better about socializing with other people. i’ve joined a sports team and have met some people that i think might be potential future friends. however, i can’t help but worry deep down that i have made a mistake. the whole reason i quit rowing in the first place was so that i could have a real college experience, but this boyfriend is two years older than me, a super senior who is not into partying anymore. the only time we go out it’s just the two of us getting dinner and maybe some drinks once a month. one weekend when he was out of town i went to a friend’s party - the first i’d been to in months. i got a little tipsy and honestly forgot about my boyfriend for a few hours. i was really enjoying myself, socializing with new people and getting a fill of something i had been craving for a long time. while there i met a guy who was super interesting. we hung out for most of the night and i made sure to not be flirtatious but the next day he messaged me asking if i wanted to hang out sometime. i was suddenly filled with this sense of amazement that someone found me to be attractive and there are other guys out there who would date me. it was suddenly clear that there are more alternatives to dating my boyfriend than just loneliness. i facebook stalked him all day, trying to tell myself i wasn’t wishing i could say yes. the more i thought about it that day, the more it seemed that a lot of my boyfriend's characteristics don’t align with things that i have taken for granted would be part of my future. he apparently pretended to like hiking when we first started dating so that i wouldn’t be disappointed. he shares no interest in long-term bike touring when i have been planning bike tours since high school and see myself going on months long journeys at some point in the next two-three years. he has a much lower libido than me and i find myself nearly constantly sexually frustrated. i suddenly decided that i had to break up with him. i knew that the farther we went into this relationship the harder it would be to split up and the more time i would lose if i really wanted to enjoy college. i told him i needed room to breathe. he told me that he wasn’t in a relationship just to be in one. he was with me because he could see himself being with me forever, and if that’s not what i wanted than i couldn’t ask him to wait around while i went and flirted with other guys. he left and i couldn’t handle it. this is someone that i had spent nearly every hour of every day for the last 6 months thinking about. he is my best (and only real) friend. i sobbed for what seemed like days but in reality i only lasted about 8 hours before i went to him and begged for him to take me back. we have continued on together as though nothing has happened for the last two months. however, the last few days he went out of town again and it almost feels like my head has come out of a fog. the lack of physical comfort and the fact that we can’t seem to find anything to talk about on the phone makes me wonder if we really are as perfect for each other as i seem to think whenever we’re together. the issue now is that our current lease is ending and our house of 5 is breaking up. being that we have no friends in the vicinity anymore and we already live together it makes sense for us to move into a one bedroom house or apartment. but that makes it so official. it makes me feel claustrophobic and like i couldn't break up with him if i wanted to in the future. signing a new lease will be like signing a year-long contract for being his girlfriend. for gods sake, i’m a 21-year-old late-blooming girl. i want to be able to experiment. i want to make mistakes. at the same time, i am incredibly happy with this guy. being around him makes me feel high. we share the same core values and many of our future goals are the same. we’ve dreamed of building a tiny house together after we graduate. is it normal to wonder if i’m missing out on other guys when in a relationship? should i push through and just trust that i chose right on the first try? would it be a waste of a year of my life to stay with him this year only to end up breaking up with him so i can go on bike tours by myself? perhaps it’s possible to stay with him and still fulfill my main goals of getting back to being more independent, exercising more, meeting new people, having a real college life, and making friends? edit: wow, didn't realize that this was a forum that will attack you before giving any advice. i'm not some whore. look at my question. by "college experience" i don't mean fucking everybody that comes my way. i mean socializing with people my age, being a part of clubs, doing things i haven't been doing the last few months because i've allowed myself to make my relationship my life. these are all things plenty of people on college campuses do while in a relationship and the question was whether or not it's possible to pull yourself out of my position and make it a healthier one while maintaining the relationship. a separate question was one that i'm sure every single person in my situation would have had. it's my very first relationship. i'm happy in it but there are a few little things that make us deviate from being as perfect of a couple as is often portrayed in society. i know that there must be some threshold in which couples can have a few issues but will share a happy future together because nobody is perfect. i've just never been in a relationship before nor had a happy parental example so i have nothing to compare it to. hence asking for advice. don't attack me for what happened with the other guy. he made no moves that night and we only talked in large groups or one on one about his thesis project. i didn't find it necessary to work my boyfriend into the conversation because 1) no easy opportunity came up and 2) he wasn't sending any signs of being interested in anything besides an opinion on his research. when he found me on facebook and messaged me the next day i immediately told him i was seeing someone. we haven't spoken since. the only reason i even put that in here was to show that it makes me nervous to totally commit to one guy for the rest of my life at 21 years old. that's not because i want a bunch of dick. i'm asking because i'm about to make a big decision at a young age. i'm the kind of person who makes that decision once. once i've decided that this is the guy i'm going to be with for the rest of my life there aren't any alternatives. but that won't be worth shit if i commit myself now only to later realize i rushed into things without thinking it through.

how do i [21/f] have my college experience without losing a guy [23/m] that might be perfect?

65udi2

perfect doesn't come along too often. life is a trade off.

relationship_advice

65udi2

in the past when i had girlfriends when it ended i used to be able to shrug it off and get over it fairly quickly, but it's been about 7 years since i had a girlfriend plus i'm still a virgin as well. plus with loneliness finally starting to kick in along with my hormones acting up now i'm terrified at the possibility at becoming one of those people who are so insecure in themselves that i'll cling to the next girl who accepts me and bend to their every whim out of fear of losing them and fear of not knowing if i'll ever get so lucky again should it ends....

as a guy what can you do to prevent yourself from becoming a desperate clinger to the next girl who accepts you?

6wo3em

you identified it yourself. you have to improve your self esteem, because being alone is better than a sub-par relationship, and you don't want to settle. self esteem comes from success. find ways to succeed in any way, and it will build.

relationship_advice

6wo3em

two days ago my girlfriend and i were...having some fun and she likes to claw with her long nails. i told her this needs to stop at least in noticeable places. the thing is before i told her that she really got into my neck. half of it is noticeable while clothed but a good portion is not. i want to know what i can put on it to heal it quicker. i don't just want to cover it up i want to remove it altogether. i prefer to use natural things so preferably no solutions with long questionable chemicals in them. here is the photo WEBLINK it doesn't hurt too bad but i definitely want it gone. what do you suggest? **tldr** girlfriend clawed my neck and now i need help healing the marks really quick

how to get rid of human scratch marks

4yuf5l

i'm glad you're having a fun time. could always try cosmetics to make it less conspicuous?

askdocs

4yuf5l

hello, i'm a 37 yo male, 180cm, 80kg . i'm about to undergo my 2nd series of ect(clinical depression, diagnosis changed from bipolar ii). i'm aware this is a very specific question, but is any risk/drawbacks of undergoing ect after just finishing ashton manual schedule 2 taper? i mean, i still feel like absolute utter sh\*\*, but me asking to push back the ect will put me in risk of either not getting it, or having to wait a very long time, and undergo a new set of tests and therapy, and i don't think i have it in me to do that.

undergoing ect during benzo withdrawal

92px7x

not my area of expertise, but i don't think so. taking benzos with ect is generally something to be avoided; you might need less power for the ect stimulation if you're recovering from benzos, but that's not a bad thing. make sure to tell the psychiatrist(s) involved.

askdocs

92px7x

i feel really weird about asking reddit this but i’m so tired of not having answers. i’m a 19f almost 20. i was abused physically and emotionally throughout my whole life by my mom. my dad supported her abuse but did not abuse me himself, at least not consistently. he recently just divorced her because he had an affair, again, and now has a kid with the woman. he’s a lot happier so that’s not exactly where i’m struggling. i’ve been in and out of therapy for the past couple years, been trying different medications, and so on. but it just feels like nothing is helping and i wonder if it’s because of a wrong diagnosis. i’m diagnosed with gad and mdd with ruleout ptsd. so i’ve never actually been diagnosed with ptsd and i don’t want to tell a therapist, i think i have it because i’m not a medical professional and i just feel that it’s weird. but, i really think ptsd-specific therapy, like emdr, would help. secondly, in high school while in therapy, my therapist told me if i kept going down the path i was going she’ll have to diagnose me with bpd. that has been on my mind since. the more i study bpd the more i feel like i have it. but, i also don’t know how to get help for it if i’m not diagnosed. basically, is it immature or irrational to tell a therapist what i think my diagnosis is?

can i tell my therapist what mental illness i think i have if i think the diagnosis is wrong?

gpbnma

i find it way more helpful when the patient focuses on their symptoms rather than the diagnosis. i do lots of diagnosis, and sometimes it does matter . however, if you are suffering, that is what matters.

askatherapist

gpbnma

my mil is what i would call "obsessed" with being everyone's mother figure/ taking in "stray" humans. this includes the majority of my husband's childhood friends and also myself. she often calls herself his friends "other mom" and claims to have "practically raised" raised them. she talks incessantly about everything she "has done for them". on top of this she gets hurt if they don't message her on mother's day or holidays. she especially wants to "claim" people without close families. every holiday she throws a dinner for people without anywhere else to go. this seems really nice except how offended she gets when someone stops coming. she also considers it rude when people she has deemed "needy" decline her invitation. she has a special focus on me and my siblings as well. is she in competition with my parents? my sister has never taken her up on the christmas invitation because she either spend the time with my parents or her in-laws and every time my mil wants me to talk to her because something must be wrong. "she doesn't need to be shy! she's not putting us out. i want her here! let her know how much i want her here. they don't have to be alone!" and when i reiterate that my sister has other plans with other family it turns into "why doesn't she like me?" why is she so obsessed with playing mother hen to everyone? is this a narcissist tendency?

is this a sign of bpd or narcissism?

g8dahb

i have no idea what is going on outside this one conflict, but this behavior in itself is not aligned with either personality disorder. it could be any number of things . sometimes people feel good about themselves because of external rather than internal conditions. while people with personality disorders can do this, so do a whole lot of other people.

askatherapist

g8dahb

my therapist seems to have major scheduling/time management issues. she’s always 10-15 mins late to start my sessions bc her session before me goes over. but i feel like mine never ever goes over so why are other people given so much extra time? then when i come in and sit down she says “just a sec” and starts texting back and forth on her phone sometimes starting a convo with me, while also looking at her phone. she is also sick 50% of the time (truly not exaggerating here) and cancels the morning of. this has been going on for two years. but if i cancel ever she charges me and acts like it was inconsiderate lol. to be honest my last therapist was always late. but she never cancelled or texted during my session. what is normal here and what is excessive?

my therapist is always late, cancelling or on her phone during sessions. is this normal?

e110mh

so.... the being on the phone thing during sessions is fairly abnormal. as a clinical supervisor, i wouldn't put up with it if any of my employees were doing this. if you know your therapist has a chronic medical condition that causes them to be sick a lot, you may have to be more understanding, however, i think a clinician doing the following is fair: when i was practicing with a full caseload, we charged folks for no-shows. i gave every client 1 freebie if they no-showed/cancelled in less than 24 hours. after that, they'd be charged regardless of the circumstance, no ifs ands or buts, so i told them not to use their freebie just because they didn't feel like coming in one day. now, i'm fairly healthy and i might miss 3 days of work a year max that are unplanned, but if i ever have to cancel on them with less than 24 hours, i give them an extra freebie. lastly, when you say your therapist is late to start your session, i'd be a little more lenient with this unless it is literally every time. for most folks, if you go to just about any kind of doctors office, you're usually waiting a good amount of time past your actual appointment time. so long as when the therapist is late that they're not taking it out of your session time, then this isn't that abnormal (especially more like 5-10 minutes). all in all, i'd have a conversation with the therapist about it and if it doesn't change, find a new therapist.

askatherapist

e110mh

when do you know your meds are working? i take adderall xr and sr and typically when i feel thirsty af and nauseated even if i’ve eaten i know it’s working. how do you know when yours is working?

how do you tell your meds are active?

7vpe8x

besides the side symptoms like dry mouth and loss of appetite, i usually know when the brain fog disappears and can actually do one thing at a time. it sometimes feels like the song "dont stop me now by queen" haha

adhd

7vpe8x

...it should be a covered benefit. there’s a fucking suggestion. i’m sick of paying out of my ass every time i get sick.

maybe if jobs require a doctors note to get a sick day...

aio1xw

it’s ridiculous to send someone to a doctor’s office full of other germs, pay a copay, just for them to say “you’re right dave, you do have a cold”.

offmychest

aio1xw

i have a good friend who i have known for years now. we got into the same argument over and over and i acted rashly and now they said they do not rely on me anymore and do not trust me with things when they are not a feeling the best, which is what leads to fights to begin with. i am not sure how to fix this issue. thoughts?

best friend doesn't trust me with certain things

6b7hp6

significantly reduce the frequency, intensity and duration of your rash acts.

relationship_advice

6b7hp6

long story short, i took something my fiance said last night out of context and had an episode. i was pretty drunk (about .17 bal) and apparently i kept saying that he deserves someone better than me and that i was going to hurt myself. i didn't, minus digging the fork i was eating with into my arm. but i ran out of the apartment to an area that is notoriously unsafe at night. he called 911, the cops took me to the hospital, no inpatient, but relatively traumatizing experience. i feel like i have had enough terrible experiences with substances in my life that cutting it out is the best option. but i don't know where to start and am feeling kinda hopeless about it.

tips to cut out alcohol entirely/needing support

65ewkb

r/stopdrinking is the best resource on the internet and possibly the world and it's right next door. about 90,000 active and strong including netflix nights, irc and fast responses​. it's a real amazing community and isn't just aa or tough love. you'll get validation any time you need it, a day counter, recipes for tasty drinks and real others to check in with. i'd also find someone local to tell and to check in with. i don't recommend counting days, which aren't a good indicator of success. count something that sobriety gives you or that you do to maintain, like miles jogged or great mornings. good luck and if you can handle bpd you can destroy alcohol. also, look at the sinclair method if you want medication augmentation.

bpd

65ewkb

hello everyone i am interested in how exactly this works. would they be able to or would they have to get a license for that state? for example would a pa therapist be able to see a client in say montana?

would a therapist be able to do tele therapy with a client from a different state?

hn7dma

honestly, this is a super tricky question to answer that is going to vary by state and specific licensure, and it is especially complicated and varied *right now*, when a lot of states are offering flex that does not normally exist. (but not all states!) i know a number of therapists at our local university's counseling center and am vaguely aware of their current procedures for the many clients who are currently out-of-state. according to them, many states are simply not accessible in any way (and the counseling center is really bending over backwards to help get as many students as possible connected). further, the therapists i know who are seeing out-of-state telehealth clients have a limited number of states where they are able to practice, and have to keep track of fairly wide range of laws and policies to ensure they are on the up-and-up. my clinic has expanded telehealth services to serve the whole state, but no one outside the state.

askatherapist

hn7dma

i've been having a lot of nausea the past few days. i've come a long, long, way in my battle with emetophobia and i can truly say i've pretty much beat it. still haven't vomited since like 2000, but i can live a normal, happy, life. anyway, i've been having pretty bad nausea. i don't really assume i'm going to vomit these days, because i'm obviously not an easy puker but the ongoing stomach pain was giving me some anxiety. i woke up at 4 am this morning feeling super nauseous. i had a bit of a panic attack and had to sit up, sipping water and breathing deep until it passed. i then had really bad diarrhea this morning and have been feeling weak, shakey, and hot all day. a little freaky. my appetite finally came back this evening and i sat down with some rice, veggies, and a homemade sweet potato biscuit. i took one bite of the biscuit and felt instant nausea sweep over me. i tossed my food out and waited for it to pass. a few hours later i felt hungry again, went to grab another biscuit but decided to only eat half because i was still a little nervous. i ripped it in half and suddenly realized it was completely moldy inside!!! just green and brown and disgusting. how did i not notice these before?? i have been eating one or two every day for the past few days. no wonder the nausea. however, i didn't get sick and i totally survived eating a bunch of mold. here's a little less reason to freak out, everyone: your bodies are strong and capable of handling a lot of weird crap. even if you take a bite of something spoiled, you're probably fine! have a great night everybody!

gave myself food poisoning. laughing at myself.

5ptata

yikes! i'm glad you're okay! kudos to you for using a scary situation to give all of us a confidence boost :)

emetophobia

5ptata

psych is at a loss when i ask her and i do live in a toxic controlling broken home so i don't know when im better or not better and just entertainment. i was on high doses of adderall throughout law school and added lexapro 10 mg when i couldn't attend class anymore, it saved my life and helped me finish law school but i was lethargic and dumbed down not realizing the girl i was dating may have been doing drugs (she was beautiful so maybe i was thinking with wrong head), but my adderall dose may have been to high as well. my psych took me off it and only gives me dexedrine spansules which are better and does give me an adderall 10 mg instant release once a day compared to the old 30 xr adderalls i took, less side effects and feeling more normal i guess. on effexor xr 75 instead of lexapro 10mg which woke up my brain and prevented lexapro withdrawals more for sure and helped my sex drive, but i hear effexor xr 75 mg withdrawals are so bad it makes me want to quit it asap out of this fear. i'm also on wellbutrin xl 300 mg which i originally took to restore libido from what lexapro did to it. she prescribed an adjunct off-label new med called rexulti for major depression too which helps according to my family but way too many meds right now. yes, i'm waiting on bar exam results for a 4th time and got dumped by my ex gf of 4 years and was suicidially depressed but i'm doing better now after seeing psych. where is the interaction causing anxiety here, what antidepressant should go and it for sure is the ssri and snri that causes the significant change in my brain (oddly improves my sex drive either by curing major depression, or helps sober me up and think clearly). is it all a trade-off? could just be a bad time in my life thank you

major depression, adhd-combined type, ptsd from trauma, and social anxiety, what medication needs to go

72h5st

know you're asking for medication advice which i am not qualified to give; however, as a therapist i just wanted to ask what your therapy regimen looks like. if you are just relying on meds to get better it might not ever happen.

askdocs

72h5st

before i start, i apologize for the long post, but i hope people take the time to read because i'm starting to freak out. i've posted two times now about my recovery process..once when i was 2 weeks clean and when i was 45 days clean. i'm now just about at 2 months sober, but i feel like my brain has had such minor recovery. i'm currently 21 years old (just about 22)and started smoking when i was 16. i didn't start using daily until i was 17 & 1/2. i can remember that one day during my senior year of high school, (during my smoking consistently every day period) where i chose not to smoke in the morning, however i felt as if i was kind of high. my brain wasn't functioning normally and it almost seemed as if i was experiencing the mental effects of being high, but not the feelings of being high. i talked to my friend about how i didn't feel right and he told me how you can feel foggy for a couple weeks after smoking. it was strange though because i had been smoking for a year, (only on the weekends) but didn't feel the negative after effects until i started using daily. i then continued smoking practically eeevery day for the next 4 years..and now i'm here..2 months clean with the sense that i'm never going to feel 100% because i started daily use at such a young age and that some connections in my brain are irrepairable. i don't know how to describe it other than feeling overall less intelligent. my night vision seems worse, my senses are dulled, my brain just feels like it's running at half speed. i think the thing that worries me the most is that i have no withdrawal symptoms other than feeling like a dumbass. do other people feel this way? i've brought this up to my friends who i would smoke with all the time and they say that they don't feel any different and that it's all in my head. on the contrary though, i know that it's not all in my head based on my comprehension of every day life. i just can't live with the thought that i permanently damaged my brain from personal decisions and that i will never be the same person again. how could i have been such an idiot. will i ever have my old brain back??? most people seem to be feeling better as time goes on, meanwhile i'm worrying more and more. sorry for the long post guys, i'm just looking for some truth and maybe similar experiences. thanks.

58 days, is it possible that i did permanent damage?

66beim

around 60 days i felt like the "fog" lifted, this was after smoking multiple times daily for approximately 2 years. it takes time. if you're concerned i suggest visiting the doctor. otherwise find some other things to occupy your time and attention and exercise your brain as other commenters suggested... the more you worry the larger the problem will start to seem. give yourself something enjoyable to focus on instead.

leaves

66beim

**how i was diagnosed** i always remember being adhd since i was a little kid. i never really finished class work, i lost things and i was the one with the extremely messy desk. my parents thought i would outgrow it. around 16, i became very depressed to the point where i missed a month of school. i didn't have many friends and i was a terrible student. they took me to a psychiatrist. she said that i definitely have adhd, referred me to get tested and prescribed me wellbutrin and focalin. after getting tested, they confirmed that i indeed to have adhd, the inattentive kind and that i had a gifted iq. the focalin worked for a month, then wasn't as effective and she put me on adderall. i started out at the 10 mg ir pills and soon moved up to 20 xr and 10 ir in the evening. my parents saw a major improvement in my schoolwork. i was paying attention better in class, i was focused. i went from being a c student to a student. the only thing that changed was my focus, but adderall woke me up in the morning gave me a sense of confidence. i was prescribed it for all of college. **my college years** around when i was 19, it stopped working. i would hyperfocus, my nights that i was supposed to spend doing homework and sleeping were often spend on google deceptive because i wanted to research shipwrecks or some weird shit that came in my mind. my psychiatrist prescribed me daytrana patches, and it was the same as adderall. i didn't like how long they took to kick in. i soon had to switch psychiatrists because of insurance issues. i had a lovely np, she was awesome. she was able to treat my depression with prozac, 30 mg and prescribed me on 30 xr and 10 ir. i was still staying up very late and not sleeping. adderall xr would make me daze and when i didn't take it, it made me very irritable and angry. but i was too focused on trying to fix being good at school and being organized. i researched so many organization methods, and how to get things done. i grew frustrated, why couldn't i be productive and get shit done? why do i have no idea how to estimate time and time block? why do i plan on preparing for interviews but end up spending the whole time doing something else that i enjoy instead? i tried apps on apps, never followed through with them. downloaded many books and never finished them. nothing was working. i just wanted to be able to finish things and be productive. **i barely have in my life!!** my hyperfocus and love for finance earned me an internship (i struggled with interviews though, mostly because of the prep) at a small investment bank last summer. i was not a good employee lol but i was also great at my job at the same time, that is one thing i love about investment banking. every day felt like a new job, and i loved it. however, i was often late, very late, disorganized, i would get distracted on the computer or too hyper-focused and forget about other things. lots of projects were unfinished. i received an offer, but wanted to go to a better job. senior year started. i was over school and was too distracted. i took a finance class that i loved and took classes that interested me. i definitely had senioritis. i tried to get a job, but because of lack of preparation and getting distracted, i could not get one. i grew pretty depressed. i stopped going to class and would cram for tests. it took me almost 6 years of my life (5 years of school because i took a year off) to graduate. fucking 6 years.. i had a 3.0, had to switch my major multiple times because i had trouble passing some of the required classes. its not that i didn't understand it, i just i told my psychiatrist that i was feeling awful on adderall xr and she switched me to taking 30 mg ir in the morning and 10mg at night. i finally was able to fall asleep before 2, and i had less of a comedown. i had to stop seeing her because she was through my university. **the past year and now** i graduated university last december with a 3.0. i had a few interviews, one wanted me to do a case and i never finished it. i tried everyday and it never got done. past 9 months, i have done nothing with my life. i just sit around the house. i started to see a new psychiatrist and my depression has improved and motivation, but other than that i feel like i am back to where i was before. disorganized, foggy, countless to do lists, never able to finish anything and trouble with following through. i was also diagnosed with aspergers. last week i went to my psychiatrist. i told her my depression was a lot better and i finally want to do things and get my life together, but the adderall is not helping what so ever. i told her that i want to look at other medications, but i don't know what is best for me. she is a resident and told me that she needed to ask around, prescribed me 60 ir mg a day. i take 45 in the morning and 15 in the afternoon. last friday i spent all day organizing my room and i actually finished most of it. i have never done that. i was pretty confident about that, however this whole week i have been getting hyper focused all day. like yesterday i made a to do list for myself and a schedule and i ended up spending all day on the computer at my desk, *rarely taking breaks* researching organization methods. yesterday i spent all day deciding on a halloween costume. like... ugh **here is what pisses me off about adderall:** * addictive af : i freak out if i don't have it. the thought of switching meds and not having it and being stuck with new meds that don't work with nothing else. it makes me sleepy and moody if i don't take it, i also get nothing done. in the past i would run out and i would desperately ask my other add friends if i could have some of theirs, makes me sound like a druggy. * i think it may have effected my cognitive abilities. my memory is poor, i can't hear and see as well. completing tasks is getting harder and harder * my body has aged. i am 24, have wrinkles under my eyes, dehydrated skin (i am a skincare junkie) sometimes i have woken up at 8 wired despite little sleep. xr use to give me acne. * it makes me dizzy and disoriented, especially at night. i don't work out anymore because its effected my body so much. i eat more now, but i am just pure skin and bones with some cushioning. * sometimes i need to take caffeine with it, and sometimes it gives me panic attacks where i can't breathe and my heart pulsates, but they go away. * makes my hyperfocus even worse sometimes * i am socially bland when i take it at times. * i get angered when people interupt me when i am doing stuff, like my bf called me during one of my hyper focus sessions a few days ago and i zoned out when he was telling me about his day. * some days i am lightheaded on it * it makes me sweat like a mofo. it is 44 f degrees here and i started to sweat in my house when i blow dryed my hair. i had to turn on the air conditioning and my parents were like "wtf" **why i am writing this** well anyway, sorry for the long, disorganized story. i am at the point where i am just overwhelmed and frustrated and i don't know what to do. i have googled and researched how, i see a therapist but i don't think she knows much about adhd and i still really struggle. i want to find an adhd coach, but they are expensive, i can't afford it because i don't have a job, and my insurance (medicaid) doesn't cover them. i don't know what tools work for me or what my learning type is because i never knew how to. my dang mother had to help me write my graduate school essay and i am 24!!!!!! what prompted me to write this was i was researching adhd meds for people with adhd-pi. adderall has fucked up my body and i heard it ages you so quickly. i can't even work out when i am on it and i don't work out anymore. thank god i am off the xr. i don't see myself ever going on that stuff again. at this point, i am overwhelmed and i need help. i am typing this in hyperfocus, lol writing about my problems with hyperfocus while hyperfocused. my thoughts are too complex at times. any resoures, guidance, encouragement, criticism... etc would help. **tl;dr** i wrote a summary of my journyi am finally wanting to do something about my adhd - pi and be proactive, and i am overwhelmed and feel like i will never improve and i will live my life not being an adult, failing at my job, never finishing anything and not being responsible. i also don't want adderall to effect my body. after being severly depressed for a year and recovering from it, i feel like i am back to dealing with the issues i had before x 10. i meet with my psychiatrist again in a few weeks and i want to have a plan for medication etc.

i don't know what to do about my adhd. i have struggled with it my whole life. i want to be an adult now.

9rxpnl

addiction psychiatrist here. you should probably show this post to your psychiatrist!

needadvice

9rxpnl

for some reason, i don't like my parents, i think i know why but i don't know if it's a good enough reason to hate them. i can't tell if it's them or me and i'm just a immature teenager. the reasons i think are the fault of my hatred are: - my father cheated on my mother for a while and i knew about it before my mother found out but i didn't tell her - my mother has blamed my siblings for her getting cancer and diabetes type 2 - they argue almost 2-3 times a day - my parents are extremely religious and i'm an atheist yet they still force to go to church which makes me dislike it more and more the more days i go, not to mention that they force me to go to random shit i don't feel like doing because i know it will suck - they do not let me have my own choices

i don't know why i hate my parents

6uzrmg

many people have parents who wouldn't be their friends if they weren't parents. so it's normal to 'love a parent' but not like the parent as a person. there is a lot of stress in your family. try to emancipate yourself when you turn 18, and in the mean time, try to roll with it as best you can.

relationship_advice

6uzrmg

20f, 5’8, 145lbs, indian primary complaint: anxiety duration: 7-10 years (was bullied all throughout elementary and middle school) current medical issues: iron deficiency anemia medications: none drugs/smoking/drinking: never used i have an appointment coming up this friday. i want to talk to my doctor about the anxiety ive had for years. it’s through kaiser, and coincidentally, without mentioning it to anyone i know, i keep coming across bad stories about kaisers mental health services. i don’t want to reach out and try if it’s going to be for nothing. i don’t know if i should bother talking about depression because it may just stem from my anxiety. anxiety is what i want to treat first.

can my primary doctor treat my anxiety?

dz7wnq

a primarily doctor may treat anxiety. whether yours is comfortable and knowledgeable depends on the doctor, but it’s reasonable to ask.

askdocs

dz7wnq

info about me: 16f 5’ 5” 145 lbs no meds no drugs no alcohol no other issues it all over my butt and spreads down the back of my thighs. it’s mostly just normal-sized “pimples” but there are several very painful big ones, that i admittedly mess even though i know i shouldn't. i’ve tried using my neutrogena face acne medicine in it. the normal sized ones usually stay but the big ones come and go. i’ve had them for so long and they’re extremely uncomfortable/painful to move or sit with/super embarrassing so that i can’t wear shorts or bathing suits without being very, very self-conscious and hiding, sadly even with my boyfriend. it's super hard to talk about, and whenever i try to mention it to my parents, it's blown off as gross, which doesn't help the situation. i don’t know what it is or what to do about it. it's not stds (my boyfriend has only been with one other \[not sexually\] and i have only been with one other \[not sexually\], plus not any similar symptoms) and it's most likely not diet-related.

i’ve had very bad “acne” on my butt/the upper back of my thighs for a while now (1 or 2 years?). don’t know what it’s is or what to do?

fc0bmm

i get something similar from heat/sweating. it’s a form of foliculitis and i keep an antibiotic lotion at the ready whenever i have a “flair”.

askdocs

fc0bmm

we both are ras of a college dorm. i started having feelings for her the first time i met her (last semester after getting the position). however, my feelings peaked in the second week of the semester. i always think about her. i can't properly sleep at night - thoughts about her distract me. when i wake up, the first thing i think of is her face. i always want to be around her. i love how she speaks. i love her curly hair and her face. she is single. however, i am quiet sure that she doesn't have any romantic feelings towards me, although she is nice to me. i don't know what to do. i don't want to tell her about my feelings and get rejected. it will be painful since we will be living and working together for three more semesters. it will also be embarrassing if the rest of the staff and the hall director knows about it.

i [21/m] feel that i am having special feelings towards a fellow ra [20/f].

70ksml

"don't shit where you sleep." that was probably in the orientation speech you guys gave your freshman. note that many of them will totally ignore that advice, fuck their dorm mates or try to, and it'll turn out somewhere between clusterfuck and fine. so either ask her out or don't. in the meantime, work out, do your homework, see friends outside your dorm. telling her about your feelings is suboptimal whether you're asking her out or not.

relationship_advice

70ksml

hiya. me again. had a fabulous productive mini manic time until bam i am so low and so much crying is coming from me, and nothing feels good, bought a record player, got 2 days use, now it just sits. and i'm feeling hopeless. yes, this will pass, but i unfortunately have much longer bouts of depression than the other side of the coin, and i feel pretty hopeless and trapped in my life. 2 jobs- how can i cope when they are necessary. fucking cost of living. i'm sitting in my office, crying, about to open in 15 minutes and i'm fucking crying. shit shit shit. sorry, just need to get this off my chest. thanks for reading.

falling apart with depression...words of experience?

hf19xs

feel free to vent here, this is a safe, non-judgmental space. there is no quick-fix to these issues, but slowly and steadily (while working with a professional), we are able to get a better grasp of our lives. let me know if you're looking for resources.

bipolarreddit

hf19xs

okay, so last night, i was using my smartphone to watch scary videos till 12am. then i've decided that it is enough for today, i need to go to sleep. however, since i was unable to sleep, i begin hallucinating a smartphone in my hands and with earphones connect to my ears. it felt very real and i hallucinate watching a scary video and getting "paralysed" by it. my brain feels weird, as if it is dreaming but i soon realised my eyes are actually open, it is not a dream when my roommate got up and went to the toilet. this is the third time that such similar incidents happened, which i think it is caused by sleep deprivation. i've never hallucinated during the day before, it's always after midnight. is there anything wrong with me?

i hallucinated last night, help. i don't know what i should do now.

25cgu1

the other two answers are probably right. i'd add sleep paralysis.

mentalhealth

25cgu1

i have a roommate, we will call him willie, he has a girlfriend (nilly) who has a small heard of dogs(5) at her apartment. nilly loves her dogs though she can't adequately take care of all 5 dogs and be a student and work. 2 weeks ago nilly decided to let willie's friend jack watch the littlest of her dogs to see if he would like to keep him as a pet. jack has never owned a pet. jack's mother hate's dogs. but jack promised to keep the dog in his room so it wouldn't bother his mother. on thursday jack tells willie and nilly that the dog had died. nilly is distraught and doesn't understand. jack tells willy and nilly that he came home and his mother told him that the dog had died. no explanation of how. the dog was only 2 years old, so age is probably not the reason. no health issues with the parents or the other puppies of the parents. jack says the dog is buried in his yard. today, saturday, nilly asks willie to go dig up the dog so they can bury him near her house. when willie gets to jack's house, jack tells willie that his mother had thrown the dog out with the trash. also adds that he tried to give the dog cpr to save the dog. the whole story seems fishy, but jack is a good friend of mine and willie's if he hurt the dog i don't want to be his friend but as his friend i don't want to assume he did it. i want to speak to jack's mother but there is a language barrier. any thoughts or suggestions on how to move forward would be great. names are changed to protect my friends.

[serious] friendship advice. friend may be responsible for a pet's death.

1w5b8z

was the dog a purebred? i'm wondering if perhaps the dog was sold to make money...

relationship_advice

1w5b8z

when it comes to guys - i know how to pick them. my last two relationships were horrible. first guy was clinically depressed, second guy was a borderline psychopath. after i managed to break out of the second relationship, i stayed single for over a year. i had one hookup since then but that's it. a week ago, i met someone quite special. we met at a bar and minutes within starting talking to each other, we just clicked. i haven't felt like this before. we went out a couple days later, then went to his place. we just made out, nothing special, i made sure to tell him that this is not just 'sex' for me. he was totally cool with it, he said he didn't expect anything like it etc. we ended up cooking together and it was all so good. second date - we grabbed a drink and then went to see a film. again, had an amazing time, we were both over heels about each other. the chemistry was insane. third date - went to his place again. i was quite anxious from the start because a) this whole thing was too good to be true, i was so scared i would fuck this up somehow b) i wanted to get sex out of the way (=in my head at the time, that's what makes or breaks a potential relationship, right?). i wasn't really thinking straight. i was expecting my period but i wanted to have sex with him really bad. so i'm all over him and with practically zero foreplay, he gets inside me (again, i was the one that rushed it) and we start having sex but he suddenly sees blood. i was feeling a bit uncomfortable but nothing too major (i assumed that since i hadn't had sex in quite a while that would be the case) but then i realized that i got my period. few minutes later, the blood was so much. we obviously stopped. i ran to the bathroom to clean up myself feeling so embarassed. this guy, this amazing guy, is right next to me, possibly freaking the fuck out with whatever just happened. i apologized like a million times and he was so sweet about it, trying to calm me down and saying that this is something natural and i shouldn't be embarassed about it. we cooked dinner, watched a film, slept together (cuddled etc). the night got a bit more awkward of course but not to the point where i wanted to get out the door. i woke up the next day and we walked together to the tube. he was going towards the other direction and he said something like 'see you later' (it was more of an expression, we both knew we were busy so we wouldn't see each other). we kissed and that's it. that happened saturday night/sunday morning. we haven't spoken since. mind you that we both hate texting/talking on the phone. when we first met we specifically told each other that we are quite old fashioned and we hate making small talk through texting etc and we prefer actual personal contact. the only times we texted were about when/where to meet, a couple of hours before the actual dates. now i'm at a loss. i have no issue texting him and ask him to go out for a drink or go to this party that we kinda talked about but if he doesn't want to see me again for whatever reason, i don't want to bring him in an awkward situation. i mean if he considers this to be over and i ask him out, he will have to tell me something among the lines of 'hey, you're amazing but this happened and i'm just not feeling this anymore etc' which will kinda make him sound like a douche (i will not think that but he might think that and i don't want him to). should i wait for him to text something? we've been in 3 dates in total which happened in a span of a week... i know i'm over-thinking this but this has definitely not happened to me before and i had such a good connection with him. i'll be quite sad if this whole thing ends because of what happened. my friends tell me that 'the ball is at his court' at this point but i really don't know how to approach this. as i said at first, it's been such a long time that a good/normal guy came into my life that i feel i have to work twice as hard for him. the party we briefly talked about is on saturday so even if we don't talk by then, i might end up seeing him there. apologies for the long post, my lovely reddit users. you are the only ones i can expect an honest advice from. update: i texted him letting him know that i was going to that party today and asked if he was coming. he said he wanted to but he had this friend's birthday thing so he wasn't sure whether he could make it. he asked how have i been. i responded and asked him back. didn't get a response. i was like okay he is clearly not interested anymore. now today, turns out i couldn't go to the party. i just got a message from him telling me he's there and asking me whether i made it after all. i said no because i had to wake up early. he responded with 'it's fun here, shame you couldn't make it'. i'm so confused.

i [24/f] met the perfect guy [28/m] but we had awkward sex. what should i do next?

5sw9gw

i would definitely contact him and find out what everyone is feeling then you'll know what to do next

relationship_advice

5sw9gw

hi i am confused about what i am. i thought i was asexual, but i don't think so...i do get sexually attracted to people, celebrities and i can think a random guy is hot, but i would never do anything with them. its more of a possibility with guys i actually know and like and i feel like i have little crushes on a lot of guys, i can connect pretty easily. but carrying out that crush? hell no. i have fantasies but when it comes to the actual thing, it fucking terrifies me. i will get on tinder and talk to a guy but then i would never ever meet in person. and then i will delete tinder and be like "phew, glad to get back to my life with no man in it." the last person i had a crush on, a year ago, we were great friends and had a great connection and i think he liked me too but i just couldn't do anything, i was terrified. we saw each other everyday because of work and it was just awesome. we would barely touch or anything. i'm not even a touchy person outside of romantic things. sometimes i feel just dirty about this stuff, like i danced up on a guy once at a bar and i felt dirty after, or idk i don't feel that way if i genuinely like the guy and know him tho, i think? also marriage and relationships are a foreign concept, i can't even fathom doing that. i just turned 22, have never been in a relationship obviously, never kissed anyone. and feel like those things are one in the same. no way could i kiss a random guy, if i've never been in a relationship, i've never kissed anyone. i'm just confused, i'm so confused.

im 22/f and never kissed anyone and am confused why i don't really want to

71nwo7

well, sounds like a monolith of undifferentiated fear. if you decide you want to find out what’s on the other side, you can.

relationship_advice

71nwo7

sex: m age: 34 bmi: 24 smoking: 5 pack years; quit this spring. i know the sidebar says "minor medical issue" but i was just hoping someone here could throw me a bone - it's my birthday today and i'm just waiting. i'm seriously pretty certain i have cancer and i know everyone ends up that way with health problems + google, but, i'm actually scheduled for a ct urogram and cystoscopy fairly soon and i just think based on my symptoms it's not looking good. i have had this going on the last 6 or so months: neuropathy (burning) and sometimes tingling in my feet, one night recently i had tingling all over, but it's mostly my feet, legs. also weird nerve pain. i have had hip pain when laying on either side at night - it's really not possible to sleep on my side anymore. now it's also in my lower back/pelvis. today, i had it in my right hip just going about my day. it's deep and kind of dull/radiating and it's still there right now. a few months ago i noticed trouble urinating. wasn't insanely severe - just difficult and strange for me. i had my psa level checked: normal. had the prostate exam for the hell of it even though i'm 34: totally normal. had my blood sugar and a1c checked in case diabetes was causing it: blood sugar was *a bit* high, but a1c was within the normal range. so, i was referred to a urologist. he had a nurse check if i was emptying my bladder okay via ultrasound and i was. he had me give a urine sample for a urine microscopy and i went on my way. he called two days later about it: i had microscopic bleeding: (4 - 20 per hpf). i also had calcium oxylate crystals present. i feel like this points towards advanced bladder cancer - i have symptoms of it having spread: fatigue, even with 8 hours sleep. hip pain, and lower back pain. urinary hesitancy. i think the unexplained neuropathy/tingling/nerve stuff is from my spine and that's a site it spreads to. what else could it even be? i'd feel okay about my chances without the unexplained deep hip pain and just brutal random fatigue. i'm not 70 years old. ​

just wondering about alternative explanations

9aw4f9

the chance of kidney cancer when you're under 35 is extremely low. it's never impossible, but it's highly unlikely. calcium oxalate in urine points much more towards stones than towards cancer, which would also explain microscopic hematuria and maybe back pain. the neuropathic pain and hip pain are odd; i don't have an explanation for those, but those are also nonspecific and especially in the former case definitely not classic for cancers. you have follow-up scheduled, and that will hopefully give you more answers.

askdocs

9aw4f9

hello! i have a question about how to raise a specific, sensitive topic in therapy, and i'm very nervous. i'm looking for guidance, not trying to "do the work" here, if that makes sense. i'm a 30 y.o. circumcised man, and ever since i first asked why i've been circumcised, i've been unhappy about it. i mostly feel violated about the procedure itself, which was done for non-medical reasons without anesthetic (dad is jewish and wanted me to look like him). i guess a part of me also wishes i could experience sex with a foreskin, but of course i'll have to find a way to accept my body the way it is. it feels like i'm going through a grieving process similar to when i had to accept that my family is dysfunctional, except this time i'm going through it completely alone. i've been in therapy for years and worked through a bunch of stuff with my therapist. she's great, and i've discussed a lot of other private details with her. circumcision is different. she has a two-year-old son, and i have no idea whether her son was circumcised or what her views are. i'm nervous about even introducing her to the idea that not all men are happy they were circumcised. i'm scared to even mention it here, because from what i've seen on reddit, the typical responses is to tell men to "get over it" or assume that there "must be something deeper" going on. i guess that's always a possibility, but this feels like a pretty legitimate thing to grieve. any advice?

how to raise topic of circumcision in therapy?

bv8c1u

therapists are specifically trained to not let their personal views enter into the therapeutic relationship, so whatever her values are regarding her son she will be able to set those aside and join with you in your distress. i think you have every right to feel conflicted about your body and decisions made about it without your input. you absolutely are going through a grief process, and your therapist can surely help you process it. it sounds like you have a great, trusting relationship built with her already. trust her again to support you in this process. good luck!

askatherapist

bv8c1u

i tried to stop 9 days ago as my badge says but i failed. last sunday i drank the last beer and wasn't able to buy anymore alcohol because i'm broke right now, credit cards are maxed out because i spent most of my money on booze and junk food. today is my 4th day alcohol-free and i get paid tomorrow. i'm afraid i will give in to my cravings and ruin it all because i'll have money to buy alcohol. i've been feeling happier and i don't want 20% of my paycheck to be wasted on alcohol anymore. i've been reading this sub every day for the last 4 days and it's really encouraging. thanks for putting your heart and experiences here, i don't feel so alone anymore.

don't want to get my paycheck.

62iggh

nothing wrong with being honest. your goal is to just get through each 5 minutes and if you can't trust yourself 100% with the money, bring protection. bring a family member or friend along to make sure the check gets spent. hell, pay them to come along because we aren't here to help you save money, you're here to save yourself. i'll like that you are being honest, but also believe you need to be realistic with your preparation. don't pick up the check until you know you can get the money to where it needs to go. some people end up spending extra money frivolously for a few weeks or a month and that's okay because as long as your bills get paid and you have enough food, having money may be a really bad idea. just for now. for right now do what you need to. later on you'll be the one going with someone else to get their check but right now keep yourself safe.

stopdrinking

62iggh

it was a week after his 80th birthday. he spent the past few months traveling to italy and israel. when he was in the military, a bomb blew up next to him and he was in a coma for a month. him and my mom were married for over 40 years. he had three kids. i took him out for his birthday last week. he said if he goes, he's okay with that. because he's lived a full life and experienced everything he wanted to. i love you, dad.

my dad died last night

7j0ihs

sorry for your loss. losing a father is tough. you only get one.

sad

7j0ihs

i'm not sure if this would count, i'm not sure if you have to have actual sensory hallucinations or if thoughts that bore themselves into your head and occasionally become so overwhelming you can't function count as "voices"... but here are the details as best as i can describe them. at times, i will get absolutely swamped with negative thoughts about myself. they are generally of the same vein: "i'm worthless," "i'm a burden to others," "everything i do just hurts my loved ones," "my continued existence brings tangible harm to everyone i care about," etc. these are usually accompanied by a flood of memories, generally every example of every moment in my life that i can remember where i ever felt embarrassment, shame, guilt, failure, and/or times when i did indeed inadvertantly do things that hurt or disappointed the people i care about. it can get so overwhelming that i can't function--i've had to pull over on the side of the road while driving on multiple occasions, or just collapsed on the floor. while these usually happen when a new example of this occurs (or shortly after) it can sometimes just happen when my mind wanders while taking a shower or trying to fall asleep. usually anything that even slightly reminds me of an embarrassing memory has a risk of leaving me a gibbering wreck--and the longer i live, the more such memories i have, so the more things can do this. i'm struggling to fight it now just writing this and praying i can finish before it hits. what is this? is this even a thing? do other people go through this too?

is this a type of schizophrenia, or something else?

701ykf

agreed with bearpony. as a professional therapist, i could never give you a diagnosis from just reading a post online and not working with you in person, but what you are describing does not sound in line with schizophrenia or a psychotic disorder. just as bearpony stated, it does however sound to be causing you significant distress and it would probably be in your best interest to give therapy a try. honestly, therapy rocks! not just saying that because i am one :-d [-the web shrink](WEBLINK)

mentalhealth

701ykf

to provide some background around about march i was in a pretty successful local band within my area, by all accounts things should have been great yet at the time my grandad was admitted into hospital on his last legs, not to mention deep financial issues at the time and pressures from college meaning i was achieving failing grades as my focus was more with my relatives at the time. anyways cut to the endish of march and we were due to play an out of town gig, today had been pretty hard as my grandad only had days left and i was having to seriously consider dropping out of college, not only were we late to the gig because of traffic but our drummers parents werent the easiest to be with the journey constantly bickering at each other and making us fret. to cut a long story short only ten people showed to the gig way less than we were used to, (which admittedly this does sound ungrateful but i guess i was looking for something to put my negative emotions upon), really bad techinal issues from the sound and my guitar, and just everything else i ended up proper breaking down on stage, full on hyperventilating panic attack so i had to run off mid set. i apologised to the band and the promoters that night, hell even the audience but most of them were perfectly understanding and some were even like "nah man it was chill proper rockstar". cut to a few days later, grandad had finally passed and as bad as it sounds i felt a little better as finally like that had all been cleared up and i could move on from worrying about him, i'd finally decided to leave college as i knew i just wasn't ready for it at the moment and wanted to devote 24/7 to my band, however i get a message that very same day... "i'm sorry [my name] but what you did was unacceptable and unprofessional and we can't have this kinda behavior in this business, you're our". this was the straw that finally broke me, for the past two years i'd put my heart, my soul, my very life into this band, it wasn't just a hobby of mine it was very being, i was even the one who founded the thing and it was at the time the only thing i felt i had left. i had a full on melt down, and admittedly i said stuff i shouldn't have and proper lost it at them, which god oh god do i regret to this day, what if i said something different, what if i had just been more level headed, what if i had slept the night before, what if i wasn't a day into some pretty strong new meds, these thoughts to this day constantly plaguing my mind of everything i could have done to not ruin this for me. it turned out that was final and i've never been the same from that point on, my anxiety and depression have blown into full extreme often meaning i can't leave the house, i've had several suicide attempts and my physical health is the worse it's ever been, socializing just is so impossible rn as ive become so paranoid to trust people that i don't even want to risk talking to them, motivation, cleanliness, sleep, eating, even trying to sit still are completely as low as they could possibly be right now. yet whenever my old band appears i see them being so successful, playing bigger and more gigs, getting more and more fans, further and further climbing that ladder of success and i hate them for it, they've made me such a bitter and evil and untrusting person and i hate them for it, but more importantly i hate myself for letting me hate them for it, i hate myself for letting my negative traits and personality win, i hate myself so fucking much and with it those feelings worsen every day. i feel so trapped, so alone, so empty and on edge and at the end of the day, it's all my fault. tl;dr: got kicked out of my band for a mental health crisis, turned me into pure bitterness and hate sabotaging my own life with no way out ik it may seem silly because it's all about a band so if you want more detail on why it meant so much to me then please just ask below

seeing those who sent me on downward spiral being more successful than ill ever be, and why i hate myself for that

8wk3hm

don't beat yourself up too badly about either that night or what you said to them. i've been in a lot of bands growing up, even kicked out of one in similar fashion. my guess is that for some reason or another, and it could be something so ridiculous as one member not liking you for a petty reason, they were probably just looking for an excuse to part ways with you. yeah, you have a lot of grieving to do. personal grieving for your family, but also some grieving for the loss of your band and imagined future. once you go through it and feel like it's time to move on, do it. don't allow yourself to stay stuck in your grief. get back on the horse and find another band or start playing solo gigs. even going to a shitty open mic night and performing some can help lift your spirits. if you were kicked out for petty reasons and you just curl up in a ball and stop moving forward, they win. if you take all of that anger and use it as motivation to keep moving forward, albeit in a separate direction, you may find that you ended up better for it. best of luck bud!

mentalhealth

8wk3hm

my brother has a severe drug problem. he did 6 months of rehab a couple years ago, but went because he thought he had to, not because he himself wanted to. within a couple months of getting out, he was using again, and it just got worse and worse. he didn't have an exit plan, and just went back to his old drug friends, obviously a recipe for disaster. i can't give too many details because anyone who knows us that reads it will know exactly who i am.. basically my parents have disowned him, and i lived in a different province.. as did our other siblings., he had no support even if he did want it. i live near by now, and even though i know he's still using, and he's a pathological liar, so i don't believe a word he says (every time i see him, it's a new story, and he reveals more drug info.. originally it was just that he was smoking pot again, but he has recently told me he is back on opiates.. i know if i had another convo, i'd hear about more drugs).. on new year's eve, he stayed with us, because he said he'd use if he didn't. we ended up in another conversation about his use and all his issues, and by the end of the convo, he brought up rehab, and i suggested that it might be a good idea for him to go back, because he'd be away from all the people that tempt him use. he agreed and said he'd sleep on it. the next day, got all the typical excuses.. need to take care of bills and debts first. so.. to those of you who are in recovery.. how do i get him past this? he doesn't have a job.. and no prospects, so he won't be making money to pay off the debts he's referring to.. and our family isn't well off that we can cover them for him. so what can i do to convince him that he needs to get help now (which was his idea originally) instead of worrying about debts, which he can't pay because he's not working. any help is appreciated, i just want my brother to get help, so he can return to normal life with my family.

looking for some help with a brother and his excuses for not going back to rehab

2rexlx

the bottom line is you can't only he can. keep suggesting recovery, do not enable, and tell him you care. he needs to decide enough is enough. the consequences will come, believe me. on that day do not enable him, let them come to him and let him have to find his way out. on that day suggest rehab. otherwise he will more than likely not listen. your intentions are noble. he is not ready yet. just keep encouraging him.

redditorsinrecovery

2rexlx

i struggle to stay motivated for too long so i don't know how to keep it going for longer than day 1 edit sorry i am 17m

how to find motivation for work/exercise and keep it?

gaz4ph

you don't. you're simply not going to feel motivated all the time. your best best is building discipline, and you do that by building habits. think about other habits you have, say, brushing your teeth. i don't know about you, but i don't feel like brushing my teeth every morning - i just do it. because i always do it. it takes a long time for habits to become ingrained, and it takes consistency. some people say behaviors take two weeks of doing something daily in order to become habits; i think it takes longer, closer to a month. so, for one month, identify 1 thing you're going to do every day. log that somewhere. (look into r/thexeffect ) do whatever you have to do to make sure you can do that for one month. set alarms. tell other people about it. post about it on reddit. have someone check in on you to hold you accountable. did you do that one thing today? if that sounds overwhelming or you don't think you can keep it up - maybe you're trying to do too much. pick one thing you can do daily that is smaller. if it's exercise, maybe it's a simpler workout. maybe it's just physically going to the gym. if you need to work in "rest days" for working out, find some non-workout thing to do instead just so you can keep up your checkmarks.

advice

gaz4ph

hi all, i know this question sometimes gets a bad rep, so please be kind; i'm reaching out for help. i started work recently at a new company (2 months ago), and have started developing feelings for someone who i work with. now i've been in a relationship for 2 years now and i love my other half. he's great, there is nothing wrong with our relationship. however, i've started developing feeling for another guy. i didn't think this would ever happen, i have never cheated on anyone and wouldn't do that to someone as i know how much it hurts (my ex routinely cheated on me) i feel sick with guilt over liking another guy, and i feel this is impacting my current relationship. i don't even have this other guy's number or have him on social media, but i am ridden with guilt for even liking him. i get butterflies/ fast heart beat whenever he's around and it's ridiculous. i can clearly tell he likes me too which makes it even worse. my question is, what do i do? will this crush go away? what if it doesn't? i'm not a horrible person, i don't want to leave my boyfriend for someone else and i definitely wouldn't initiate something whilst in a relationship. i just want to be able to eat something because my guilt is making me want to vomit on the daily.

me 25[f] crush on work colleague 24[m]. in relationship, please help.

71xtm5

been there. it sucks. but it does get better, it takes time and distance. you may have to work with this person, but you can go out of your way to keep the contact to a minimum. also, give yourself a break about those feelings. they're a completely natural response to human attraction. the feelings aren't the problem, it's what you do with them.

relationship_advice

71xtm5

she got what she deserved, and at that, she got off lucky. it wasn't subjective. it was sick what she did. she was manipulative, socipathic, and amongst her zero remorse she faked suicide attempts, ruined possessions, friendships, etc. i didn't do this for retribution. it was my moral obligation. i won't go into specifics, because you don't want to know. simply put: i hurt the sociopath, bad, and i gave her a taste of her own medicine. i enjoyed it, too. maybe too much. sometimes i lost focus of how i was simply trying to mitigate the future harm she would cause and i just started to indulge upon the joy of squeezing her windpipe closed (metaphorically). not asking for forgiveness. but i felt compelled and it feels justified. it's only worrisome that i enjoyed it. somehow i wonder if i am any better than her.

i just did a very bad thing to a very bad person, was it so wrong?

aiw9hj

maybe it’s just balance. i kinda lived vicariously through your story a little. i’m always the nice, pushover, and this year i let someone have it. really laid in to them and made them feel small. at the time it felt great, freeing. it ended up getting me in trouble in a way that i would’ve seen coming, if not blinded by vengeance. i paid my dues and it’s over now, but in hindsight it wasn’t worth it. which is a shame, because she suckkkkkked. and i truly don’t usually feel that way about people. sounds like you don’t either. just know the world needs people who knock others off their pegs when they need it. they may (hopefully) be a better person because of it and it be a catalyst for change 🤷🏽‍♀️

offmychest

aiw9hj

i have severe treatment resistive, rapid cycling bipolar disorder type 1, anxiety and ptsd. with this comes constant insomnia. i'm trying some sleeping meds, lunesta and ambien most recently. they help very little with sleep. the lunesta made me tired but not relaxed so i got no sleep. the ambien made me relaxed but not tired still no sleep. i'm not here about the insomnia though. i'm here because all of the benzodiazepines that i have tried for anxiety might as well been placebos. they did nothing. and that is at massive dosages. but i actually had a response to the ambien, i realize that it is primarily prescribed for sleep. is it possible to get it prescribed for anxiety?

ambien for anxiety?

8ggumu

it's possible to use anything off\-label for anything. talk with your doctor about it.

askdocs

8ggumu

i'm not great when it comes to social skills, but i've made a definite improvement over the past few years. one of the major things that i've noticed is that to make it easier to talk to people, make sure that you have taken care of yourself first. what i mean by that is get enough sleep, eat a good breakfast, wear clean and fashionable clothes, etc. if you're tired, grumpy, smelly, and otherwise looking like a hobo then people are less likely to respond positively to you, and you also won't want to be as extroverted. it's a simple thing, i know. but it's also an important one. i once heard a quote that went along the lines of "always dress up like you're going to meet the love of your life that day". because who knows, maybe you will! ;) all i know is that when i'm physically fine and looking like a million bucks, i have much more confidence and am actually eager to go talk to people.

before you try to be a social wizard, make sure that you take care of yourself first.

rrfye

yup, definitely true. the corollary to this is that sometimes taking care of yourself means taking a break from people for a little bit. if you're worn out or you've been doing a ton of socializing recently, it's ok to turn down that social invitation so you can spend a nice evening at home relaxing. i love being with people, but i'm an introvert, and if i don't give myself some time to rest and relax, it's hard for me to enjoy socialization. of course, it's good to accept social opportunities even if you don't feel 100% ready for them, and sometimes you'll want to push yourself even when you're worn out (for instance, if you get an invitation to a really cool social event). but if you know a little break from this opportunity will help you enjoy the next opportunity much more, it's ok to take it easy sometimes. improving social skills is a journey, not a sprint :)

socialskills

rrfye

i met this girl last year at my university and the main thing we have in common is that we are both musicians. as we started talking more over the year, i felt like i had a connection with her that i don't have with others, through our music and background. she came to one of my performances and i went to some of hers. i did ask her to dinner but it was around finals and she was too busy studying. i was also trying not to push anything because i really do value our friendship and don't want to push her away (i've done this before with girls in the past). she then graduated and we chatted over the summer and even collaborated on my project. i was still deciding whether or not to tell her how i feel but then she got a boyfriend. however, they broke up about a week or so ago (only lasted 2 or so weeks). so i called last week and asked if she would like to see a band i'm into at a club near my school. had to leave a message. she texted me the next day when and where and seemed to be down (she said it sounded like a lot of fun) but it depended on when she got out of work that day. it turned out later she wasn't able to do it. a few weeks later i decided that i should tell her my feeling so that way i'm not fooling myself anymore if she's not interested. sent her a text asking if we could talk, she never responded. she now doesn't respond to any messages i send (she likes a couple of my instagram pics revolving around bands we like though). even when i told her i had a tape of my album ready for her (which she said she wanted before this), she still didn't respond. she now has a new boyfriend. i feel like i drove her away and ruined our friendship and i hate myself for it. now i'm scared she won't ever want to collaborate with me again musically. where do i go from here? tl;dr: had a great friend who i think i drove away due to my feelings for her. what now?

i [22/m] feel like i ruined my friendship with this girl [23f] because of my feelings for her. what now?

5si4sv

i think you definitely did the right thing by telling her how you feel. i'm not sure how much time has elapsed, but she seems to need some space to think about it and hopefully she will communicate something to you soon. if she doesn't feel romantically toward you i would hope she would be mature enough to simply state that fact. there are many people who remain close friends after this sort of hurdle is crossed

relationship_advice

5si4sv

WEBLINK

"the pseudo-science of alcoholics anonymous: there’s a better way to treat addiction." anyone have thoughts on this article?

2178pt

WEBLINK it works for me, it works for the people i know, it works for the guys i sponsor. i'm not saying it's the only way, but statistical evidence just doesn't matter to me anymore. i've found the thing that works for me and i'm able to live a sober, happy, and generally better life today as a result today. i encourage everyone seeking recovery to give it a shot because it has changed my life despite the statistics.

stopdrinking

2178pt

i have a interlock on my car from a dui so i do know just how much i can drink and pass. this after two extensions. it’s such a normal calming point in my life. until i have a day off and go on a binge. but the bills and birthdays and regular living are to much for this cheque. so it looks like i’ll be sober. and this scares the shit out of me. i’ve been a long time drinker but never got any dt’s or bad side effects other than feeling like a complete piece of shit. and that goes for my sober time. my brain is more active, i can’t shut off the feelings, thoughts, awareness. and i’m just scared and really don’t want to stop but have to. anyone relate?

i’m a alcoholic. i won’t have any more money to drink for the next 9 days. and i’m scared as hell.

apbr7s

you need therapy or aa or both. can't tell you what to do, though, since it has to be for you & no one else's direction, so all i can do is point this out & hope you'll give it a try. it's a lot nicer when you don't have to run from your own mind, though.

alcoholicsanonymous

apbr7s

nobody can afford decent therapy. mental health services offer crappy clinical services from ‘healthcare professionals’ who honestly couldn’t give a shit about you or your problems. suicides are rising as a failure of providing the right treatments at affordable prices. most people with mental health problems are left to rot in their own waste until they are forced to kill themselves. this society needs to start taking mental health care seriously. or we’ll all be fucking dead.

the help for mental health problems is a joke. it’s impossible to find good treatments unless you’re willing to pay £150 an hour for private therapy.

abigxi

the mental health system is broken. in the usa most companies are for profit, which means that the therapist makes 45k a year - that may seem like a lot but it’s the lowest paying masters degree, and we have ridiculous college loans from 6+ years of education and another 2-3 or additional clinical supervision.. the bigger issue is health carriers and society don’t see the value. they’d rather pay some doc 300 bucks an hour, than put that into “talk therapy” despite the research saying talk therapy is more effective for some conditions

offmychest

abigxi

i'm using a burner account for obvious reasons. i was wondering if anyone has any experience or advice about recovering from psychopathic abuse. i am in counseling because my job is stressful. my therapist is insistent that i need to "work on myself." i agree that eventually i need to do that. however, i'm currently traumatized. everyday i assume that he will show up and kill me. i can't sleep and i can't be alone without sever anxiety. i have a large network of friends and a great support system. but no one seems to understand what i am going through. i remember feeling exactly the same way following a sexual assault. i can't trust myself. i spent 20 minutes this morning crying because i couldn't decide what to wear. if anyone has had a similar experience or any thoughts on how to move forward i would really appreciate the feedback.

victims of abuse and/or psychopaths?

eldwdc

it sounds like you and i have had really similar experiences. what is most important right now is not "working on yourself" but finding ways that you can feel safe and restore feelings of safety and trust in yourself. it takes a lot of work and a lot of time and a lot of gentleness and compassion, from yourself and others. you need a trauma-informed therapist; a lot of therapists simply aren't qualified to help with trauma and their "help" can make things worse. it's so important to find people that can understand where you're at and listen with understanding and without judgment and without needing to "fix" you or explain to you why you're wrong or why you shouldn't feel this way or that. i can't write more right now but if you would like more advice or just to chat feel free to pm me or we can chat here in the comments. hold on, friend, things won't always be this dark and painful.

getting_over_it

eldwdc

i had a recent realization that i dislike eye contact not from social fear, but rather that i find all the details of people's faces very distracting. this often causes me to draw mental blanks when trying to have a one on one conversation, such as not being able to recall my favorite book. i've started having short practice conversations with myself in the mirror so that i can try to get used to looking at a face while still being able to think...it's still difficult. has anyone here experienced issues like this? edit: sorry for the title typo, should say "is"

has anyone here experienced difficulty keeping eye contact because it it so distracting?

14tj0j

you're doing the right thing. practice makes perfect. :) also, remember that it's ok to look away from the other person while you're thinking. if you blank out, instead of continuing to stare into their eyes and continuing to blank, break eye contact and look away. then once your thoughts are back on track, try to reestablish eye contact again.

socialskills

14tj0j

i've never had insomnia or anxiety problems in the past, but four days ago i had a massive headache. since then, i am unable to fall asleep and when i try i am met with a severe anxiety attack when i fall asleep. i can only fall asleep for minutes until i get woken up with anxiety. when i try to go back to sleep i hear a noise from my right ear, my heart beats fast, and i feel more and more anxious to the point i feel like i will have a panic attack if i don't get up and compose myself. i've also noticed i can no longer yawn, i start but i can't breathe in during the yawn and it just ends. it's been 3 days and it just gets worse due to the lack of sleep and i am genuinely afraid. i don't even know what doctor to see or what to do. any advice would be greatly appreciated. i am a 24 year old man and i haven't gone through any traumatic experience or anything like that, it just happened one day.

sudden severe anxiety and insomnia

5l2ney

could be lots of reasons why you suffered the headache. you're still alive after 4 days though, which is reassuring. where do you live? if it's the uk id recommend going to your gp in the first instance. any relevant medical/psychiatric history? any prescribed medications? alcohol/drug history?

askdocs

5l2ney

lately all of the sadness i feel has turned into anger. i can't write songs anymore. i can't be productive. i can't get a job. i want to fight everyone all the time. i wake up screaming sometimes from this recurring dream of getting tortured but now it's me doing the torturing which just makes me feel worse. i have a freak out almost daily now. my wrist has been broken for a month i have no idea how to even get insurance to see a doctor for it. i dont have/cant find a job, so i just can't afford insurance, i just kinda deal with my wrist. but in today's violent spaz out of the day i beat the hell out of my wall furnace with both fists until both of my hands were bleeding. wrist was bad before, much worse now. just hangs there. my gf probably doesn't wanna deal with this shit anymore. i get out and try to fight people at stoplights over ridiculous stuff. i break expensive shit, scream, and try to fight everyone. all of my self loathing and shit just became pure angst towards everyone and everything around me. nothing is challenging or fulfilling anymore. i liked being sad better than this. i wish i could afford therapy, or could get back on some medicine, or could just be put down like a sick fucking dog.

sadness tuned into anger.

530bkb

are you in america? if so, go to an emergency room. i believe they have to see you. yes you'll be billed for it later but if you have no assets there isn't much to collect. you have to get those wrists treated. while there, explain your situation with the anger and the poverty and ask them for a psychiatric consultation. ask them how you can get medicaid health insurance. what you need to locate is a social worker who can hook you up to benefits. like medicaid health insurance which will get you a therapist and some limited access to psychiatric care which it sounds like you'd benefit from. someone at the hospital might be able to hook you up. it'd be a start.

depression

530bkb

excuse me if this is formatted weirdly, i’m on mobile. also i hope this is the correct subreddit for this situation. for the record, my uncle is a white man in his mid 50’s who was a smoker and drinker that quit both years ago. this easter, my uncle seemed to have this mental break. i’ve only just been in contact with this part of my family and have known them all for only a handful of years, so i’ve never seen him act like this. it was as if he was drunk off his ass without a drop of alcohol (they don’t drink much over there). he was talking very normally at one moment, and then minutes later he was just... gone. very very happy and silly but obviously the conscious adult part of his brain left the building. he was also slurring and having some trouble getting his words out. at first i thought he was having a stroke or something but none of my family acted as if something was strange. when i asked about it later they said it just happens to him sometimes. i’ve tried googling what happened, but nothing seemed to be accurate to his situation. any thoughts?

my uncle had some kind of mental break?

88uxx7

that does sound like a stroke. if it happens and gets better, it could be a transient ischemic attack (tia), which is like a stroke that's not as bad and temporary. the bad news is that having those means a high risk of having a more serious stroke. there are a number of other diseases that can have similar effects, but most would have other manifestations. this is the kind of thing that really sounds like it needs a medical workup.

askdocs

88uxx7

i'm currently in a ldr with this girl but am unsure what to do about our relationship or how to portray my feelings across properly. would prefer to talk over pms/etc

ldr would like some help how to proceed

5o1k2g

if it's long dist and you've never met in person, it's not a relationship yet. try to visit for a weekend and see how it goes. portray feelings by speaking from the heart. what do you want--what does she want....those are the relevant questions

relationship_advice

5o1k2g