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Saibo-creator
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bookcorpus_compact_1024_test

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text stringlengths 3.57k 5.54k	concept_with_offset stringlengths 3.48k 11.1k
`` you know , i do n't think i 'll ever quite understand this whole total power exchange , 24/7 thing . good for them that it works so well , but i think i would go insane if you 'd ignore me like that for even an hour . '' it 's interesting that it 's this part she mentions and not the humiliation of being treated like an object or possession , but i know that she 's come a long way from the days where she has been making a face when i 've called her names . beth clapping her hands draws my attention to her , and at her loud holler for everyone to please join her in the playroom , we follow the thong of people going back inside . bella leans into me when i stop her a little back and to the side for the dais , my arms crossed over her stomach as i hug her close . public displays of affection and possessiveness like that are allowed , while beth would likely kick me out if i attempted to do more than that to bella outside of a designated scene . masturbation , even mutual , is highly frowned upon at our parties . `` welcome everyone again , '' beth draws all attention to her where she 's standing . `` it 's so good to see so many familiar faces , and a few new ones , here today . before we proceed , may i quickly point out a few very important things again for after our demonstration peter and charlotte have prepared . '' she nods in their direction before she went on . `` as always , if you have any questions , feel free to ask me or anyone who looks remotely in charge . '' a few snickers and chuckles answer her joke . `` you 'll find drinks and snacks outside , please keep them there and do n't bring them into the playroom proper . after the demonstration please use the room outside for normal socializing and talk , we 'll need most of the floor space here for your own enjoyment , be it of a passive or active kind . goes without saying that i expect everyone to be respectful and friendly - do n't go anywhere you 're not invited , that also means unhelpful comments . remember , what might be your light play is someone else 's limit , and vice versa . as far as i know no one wants to do anything more edgy , but if you change your mind , please tell me so we can make sure not to accidentally alienate someone . now please enjoy yourselves ! '' while beth lets peter help her off the stage - the tight lower part of her skirt making stepping down a little difficult - bella turns to me , looking at me questioningly . `` more edgy ? '' `` fire , blood play , suffocation , things like that . '' her mouth forms a small 'o ' momentarily . `` people do n't usually do things like that here then ? '' i can see the unspoken question about what she knows i did with chelsea , and i shake my head . `` no , not without informing everyone first . usually parties like this are more a hook-up occasion to plan anything more out of the ordinary in a more private setting with a few people to help and assist . '' when she keeps eyeing me askance i shrug . `` you generally do n't whip anyone bloody without someone standing at attention with a first aid kit and 911 on speed dial . i ca n't quite judge the look on her face , but after a moment she raises herself onto her toes to kiss me , a surprisingly deep kiss for the topic we 're discussing . `` sorry i ever doubted you . '' `` about that sub of yours jazz told me about . i know you 're responsible , and you never once did anything to warrant my mind running rampant . '' i kiss her in a ways of saying thank you , then add , `` well , that and beth would have my ass in a way i would n't quite like so much , if that helps to further ease your mind . '' bella sighs but catches herself before she can add a scathing remark , but the look in her eyes is enough to make me consider adding a few more strokes to her tab for later . but then peter starts talking , and i turn my attention to him . while peter is busy tying his now nakd wife up i feel bella getting a little restless , and by the time charlotte is restrained to the point where she ca n't move at all anymore , she 's practically squirming , which in turn is a torture of its own on my hard cck pressed into her ass . i even consider taking her into the restroom outside to relieve some tension but figure that if it 's hard on me to hold back , it must me twice as bad for her . i still stroke her arms gently , letting her imagine me touching her like that on a more erogenous zone , and bella whimpers softly . `` do n't worry , we 'll get to have some fun soon . '' not too soon , i hope , to keep things interesting for a while longer .	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he felt terrible about hurting her , and , just as he was about to rush to her side to apologize for throwing her on the ground , that home-wrecking redneck jumped in front of him . the dude 's surprising capability to fight shocked trevor . of course , he was a gardener , and physical labor and heavy lifting were a daily routine for him . still , the boy had skills that were learned , not inherited . either way , it did n't sit well with trevor to have another man , especially an attractive one , rushing to caroline 's defense . the dude tried convincing him that they were just friends . trevor had been in a fraternity , he knew the type . they did n't generally put themselves in the line of fire unless there was something in it for them . guys like him do n't fight for valor , they fight because they 're getting laid . it 's raw male nature . had caroline not turned him down so many times sexually , trevor would never have believed she and the gardener had n't been intimate . if she could resist him , trevor knew the gardner did n't get anywhere . trevor recalled a peculiar conversation he 'd had with his dad two-and-a-half years ago after successfully completing a large job with a fortune 500 company in chicago . son , i want you to introduce yourself to caroline fontenot . she 's going to be a junior next semester , and i need you to make her fall in love with you . trevor had quite a reputation for being a ladies ' man , and loved a good challenge , but when he questioned why , kenneth would n't explain . he just insisted it would be worth it for trevor in the long run for him to sweep her off her feet . the thought of that had not excited trevor , considering he had no idea what she looked like . for all he knew , she was an ugly chick who could n't get a date to save her life . he certainly did n't need his dad 's assistance in finding a woman . but curiosity prevailed , and he decided to see what all the fuss was about . trevor 's friend in campus administration got caroline 's information so he could just happen to run into her . he finally saw her at the grocery store , frustrated because she could n't fit all of her groceries into her car with the furniture and other supplies she had already purchased for her apartment . irritated and angry , and breathtakingly beautiful , he took one look at her and instantly became smitten . amused by her red-hot temper , trevor helped her fit everything in the vehicle , and used that opportunity to make his move . unsure why his dad wanted him to meet her , for once he was thankful for the nosy , unsolicited request . trevor chuckled at how cute caroline was when angry . the past two years with his beautiful little spitfire had been amazing . he would do whatever it took to make sure he did n't lose her . trevor 's office phone rang , jerking him away from his thoughts . he rubbed his face and cleared his throat to answer the phone . did you have a pleasant weekend ? '' `` pleasant enough , yes . `` how 's caroline making out in louisiana ? '' he snorted a laugh at the irony of his choice of words . `` she 's making out fine , i suppose . she and her dad seem to have hit it off okay . better than i expected them to . '' `` is this going to be a problem for you ? '' trevor seethed . `` no , dad , i think i can handle it . '' we do n't want that sweet little girl to change her mind about marrying you , do we ? '' `` what exactly is that supposed to mean , dad ? why are you so concerned about my marriage to caroline , and why do you care about her relationship with her dad ? '' `` nothing you need to worry about yet , son . i just do n't want you to miss out on getting a piece of the pie , that 's all . '' trevor grew annoyed with his dad speaking in riddles . `` what pie would that be ? what is it about eddie fontenot that has you so driven ? do you even know him ? '' `` no , i do n't personally know him , i only know of him and his family 's business . '' `` okay , well i met him personally , and he was extremely unpleasant . he did n't seem like a typical friendly southerner to me . '' `` meet me for lunch today at the sandwich shop around the corner from your building and i 'll explain everything to you . i do n't want to talk about it over the phone . '' what could possibly be so secret that he could n't talk about it over the phone ? the sandwich shop bustled with people , most getting their orders to go . trevor chose a table in the back corner and waited for his dad to arrive .	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in seconds , he loomed over her and took her mouth . holding her head , he claimed her lips and plundered every corner , until she hung on and dug her nails into his shoulders . she shuddered in pure lust and softened beneath him . he broke contact and gazed deep into her eyes . raw command glimmered and tempted . i want you , all the way , all the time . just tell me you 'll marry me . '' she opened her mouth to say yes . she 'd spent the most incredible night of her life with a man she 'd always longed for . they were in vegas where crazy things happened and impromptu weddings were the norm . maybe he 'd discovered in the hours of the night he loved her ? after all , was n't that the only reason he 'd want to marry her ? her gut twisted with a knowledge she did n't want to probe . but this was the new carina , and she was n't stupid enough to just believe max gray suddenly got bit by the love bug enough to give up his freedom . she pushed him away and sat up . studied him with hard eyes . determination carved out the lines of his face like he faced a business deal he needed to close . carina followed her instincts and tested him . `` thank you for the offer , max , but i like things the way they are . let 's just see where this leads . no need to rush into marriage after one crazy night . '' a flare of panic gleamed in those baby blues . i 'm asking you to marry me ! i 'm saying you 're the one , and i want to do this right now , today . let 's get crazy and say our vows in vegas . we were always meant to be together and i 've finally realized it . '' he bent forward and she knew he 'd seduce her . wring the yes from her lips and her heart before she had time to seriously wonder what was going on . for her own survival , she scrambled back on the bed and put her arms out in an effort to ward him off . last night proved you were the one . '' a cold ball of misery fisted in her gut . his muscles tensed as if preparing for a boxing round . a wall of distance sprung up around him . completely contradictory to the relaxed languor of a man with the woman he loves , he began pacing , another sign of nervousness . this was n't just about guilt . this was sheer panic , as if trapped into ... carina swallowed past the lump in her throat . pushed his fingers through his hair . paced some more . i just asked you to marry me and i 'm being questioned like a prisoner of war . excuse me if i 'm a bit confused . '' did he call the hotel ? '' listen , i do n't want to go back home and date . i want to make this a permanent relationship . live with you , sleep with you , work with you . this is the right thing to do , baby . '' she wrapped the sheet firmly around her nakd br*sts and fought for sanity . her fingers shook but she managed to force the words out . `` tell me the truth , max . right now , or i swear to god , i will completely lose it . he turned away from her , but the muscles in his bare back turned rigid . a vicious curse escaped his lips , and finally , he faced her . she came into the room this morning and found us . '' carina gasped and shook her head . `` dio , no . how did she even know where to find us ? '' `` she wanted to stop and see you before flying to your brother 's house . michael gave her the room number . '' her brain turned numb with the awful possibilities . no wonder he 'd proposed . if her mother pushed him to be honorable , max buckled immediately under the guise of honor . rage and humiliation twisted in her gut . she could n't even have a decent one-night stand properly . what other woman engaged in raw , dirty sex and had to face her mother 's wrath the next morning ? her skin turned clammy with nerves , and she wished desperately for clothes and solitude . instead , she made herself speak . her laugh rang hollow through the silent room . `` nothing like an overprotective mama to spur on a proposal . do n't worry , i 'll take care of it . `` at breakfast . '' `` i 'll go down and speak with her . clear up the whole mess . can you give me a few minutes to get dressed , please ? '' he walked over and knelt beside the bed . her heart wobbled between pure emotion and betrayal at his stony expression . how easily he tried to woo her with false endearments that meant nothing . did he really believe she was so stupid to jump into marriage out of gratitude ? did he still think so little of her ? `` we have to get married , carina . '' we do n't have to get married .	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`` pagan , '' i called out to her . slowly she turned around and faced me , `` yes ? '' `` look , about last night , i 'm really sorry . i should 've called , but - '' she shook her head , `` it 's not a big deal . the cold clipped sound of her voice felt like ice water through my veins . i 'd come so far with her . `` pagan wait , please . '' i begged chasing after her . she stopped , paused then turned back around to level me with a glare so hard i knew i 'd ruined everything . i started `` i do n't care . she snapped then spun back around and walked away . i wanted to go after her and beg her not to go . but what could i say to make this better ? i followed quietly after her . i needed to make sure she was going to be okay . there had been unshed tears in her eyes . it ripped me apart thinking about her hurting . the idea that she was going to cry made me want to roar in frustration . she did n't go to her classroom . instead , she headed for the parking lot . i stopped short when i saw a dark figure appear by her side . i knew it was dankmar . her death was near . she was n't in love with me but she had feelings for me . because when her body died , i was going to be there to take her soul . but her death did n't happen ... instead , death broke the rules . it had been pagan 's time to die , again . but this time , it had n't been me that saved her soul . death had saved her . i backed away from the wreck scene as death cuddled pagan safely in his arms . her soul was weak and trying to release but dankmar refused to allow it . he could n't just choose not to take her . his cold glare lifted to meet mine . he knew i was near . a possessive gleam startled me . did death know of my claim on her soul ? did he ... did he want ... pagan , too ? shaking my head , i backed away . death did n't care for souls . i should talk to father about this but first i needed to get back to school . she 'd be in the hospital soon and i needed to be there when she woke up . the sound of the ambulance was the last thing i heard before i left her there in death 's arms . `` listen here , leif montgomery , i do n't care who you are . all i care about is the fact my best friend is lying in that hospital room lucky to be alive because you upset her . i do n't know what you did but this is your fault . miranda stood like a tiny warrior pointing her finger at me with a snarl on her face . everything she said was correct . i was n't going to argue or even defend myself . i wished wyatt would take a swing at me . i needed to feel something . everything inside me was numb from fear . `` you are n't worthy of her . so stay the hell away from her . she is like my sister . if something had happened to her , '' miranda stopped and sobbed loudly . wyatt was instantly at her side pulling her into his arms . he was n't happy with me either . the worried frown on his face as he held miranda in his arms told me he would have words with me when miranda was n't around . `` i know i do n't deserve her , '' i replied in a low whisper . i 'd protected her from the time i 'd saved her soul from death . but now , when she needed me most , i 'd sent her away right back into death 's embrace . why he had n't taken her soul , i could n't figure out . `` why kendra ? she is so , so , ugh , '' miranda hissed . `` it was n't anything like you think . i 'm in love with pagan . kendra is an annoying pest that ca n't accept i 've moved on . '' miranda straightened up and turned her full attention on me . `` you love pagan ? '' she asked with awe in her voice . i 'd said that aloud . well , it was time i admitted it . `` yes , but please do n't tell her i said that . right now , she is n't ready to hear it . '' miranda nodded and a small smile touched her lips , `` i agree . she does n't need to hear that right now . but you 're going to need a lot of luck to get back in her good graces . considering you almost , '' miranda stopped and her eyes filled up with tears again . i did n't need to ask her to know what she was thinking . i intend to do everything i can to win her forgiveness . '' death was singing to her ? i came by everyday . i brought her the foods she requested .	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and you stay away at watermelon festival time . and from what i hear , you 're heading off to washington any day now for a big career in politics . '' a deep pang of regret darted through rocky 's chest . i 've been absent . but i still love my folks and i love this town . every time i see the water tower on the horizon , i get all lumpy in the throat . '' `` well , that 's nice to know . '' `` look , dash , you can lose the smug tone . the town 's in trouble , and i 'm not in a position to save it . '' `` but you are , '' she whispered . his baby blues got big and round . `` me , the messed-up bad boy drunk ? i 'm just about the last person on the face of the planet jimmy marshall wants to do business with . he only let me buy his land because there was n't anyone else interested . most of it 's not worth much . so how , exactly , am i supposed to save the town ? '' `` you can give lord woolham land north of town . you could even invest in his factory . he 's not proud . he 'd take your money , and i 've got a feeling he 's going to be really successful . cissy warren 's hot to have his technology . she 's made him an offer , and if he accepts it , the factory is going to be built upstate . he stood there staring at her . `` holy crap , you 've fallen ass over tea kettle for him , have n't you ? '' `` look , dash , this is n't about hugh . this is about you and the town . you could be everyone 's hero , dash , the way bubba once was . only you 'd be a real hero , instead of just a football hero . there is n't anyone else who can save this town . and think of how happy hettie will be if you save golfing for god . '' chapter 19 the air-conditioning at city hall was taxed beyond its capacity . sweat collected under hugh 's arms and dampened the back of his shirt . arrayed before him on a small dais , behind a scarred and battered mahogany table , sat the members of the last chance town council . big bob presided , wearing a bow tie and a seersucker suit . bob looked quite put out by this emergency meeting . lillian bray was turned out in a white dress that made her look like a wagnerian opera singer without the long braids . kamaria laflore wore a dress made of kente cloth . dale pontius looked a bit like mr. chips with his round glasses , moustache , and balding head . and jimmy marshall , dressed for the golf course , looked bored . `` all right , ya 'll , we 're here and it 's hot , so let 's get this over with as quickly as possible . '' big bob mopped his brow with a white handkerchief . `` lillian , i believe you have something to say ? '' lillian folded her hands in front of her and looked down her long narrow nose . `` as ya 'll know , i was brutally accosted last evening by elbert rhodes . and we all know that doc cooper thinks he may have finally lost his mind . given that fact , and the fact that our town desperately needs new investment , i think we should consider using our town 's power of eminent domain to condemn golfing for god , so that lord woolham can build his factory on that land . '' lillian stopped and gave hugh a big smile that burned a hole right in the middle of his chest . big bob took a breath and folded his handkerchief and returned it to his pocket . `` is there any discussion on this item ? '' none of the other council members made a move to speak . so hugh knew it was his time to stand up and stop this nonsense . he walked down to the microphone placed before the dais . before he could identify himself , or state his business , a commotion broke out in the hallway . the door to the chamber burst open , and a half-dozen women bearing hand-lettered signs marched up the aisle chanting , `` down with lord debracy . '' hettie marshall was in the lead , and it was almost as if her calm exterior had cracked a little between yesterday and today . she wore a blue suit and pearls , but her hair was askew , her eyes were big and a little wild , and she was chanting louder than all the others . it was almost as if she 'd suddenly discovered her inner rebel . `` good lord , lavinia , what are you doing here ? '' big bob said to the woman right behind hettie , who was carrying a sign that said , `` god bless golfing for god . 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it seemed incredible that he and his sweet and accommodating wife could make such a perfect couple . `` i suppose i can forgive you , bryson . after all , you 're a busy man . have you found someone special yet ? last i spoke to your parents , they were heartbroken - simply devastated - that they still did n't have grandkids . they have three beautiful children , and not one of you has done the honorable thing - settling down and marrying , and giving them some nice babies to hold . '' it was worse than just scolding . less than a minute on the phone with this man and he felt as if he 'd been pulled into the principal 's office for skipping class or being caught under the bleachers with suzy summers . `` work keeps me busy , sir . i see my family often , though . '' `` well , i would hope so , '' joseph said . `` you 've got good folks , bryson , real good folks . not everyone is as lucky as you are '' `` yes , sir . i 'm well aware of that , '' he said , then rushed into his next sentence before joseph could cut him off again . `` i 'm calling because i have news that i think you 'll be excited about . it pertains to damien , but i thought it would be best coming from you , since i do n't know him very well . '' `` go on then , and spit it out . i 'm not getting any younger , '' joseph bellowed . a grin spread across bryson 's face . it was n't a wonder at all that joseph was loved so much . he could sure blow a bunch of smoke , but underneath it all , family was all that truly mattered to him . not his billions , and not all that he 'd accomplished - just having a beautiful , successful , happy family . `` i 've found his sister . '' dead silence greeted his proclamation . bryson was beginning to think he 'd lost the connection when he heard a suspicious throat clearing . `` are you sure , boy ? '' it almost did n't sound like joseph anymore . his voice was unusually quiet and gruff . it sounded as if the large man was fighting tears . `` i had her dna tested . i have n't told her about any of it yet . i did n't want to raise her hopes and then dash them if it turned out that damien was n't her brother . she 's had a ... difficult life . '' `` i hate to hear that , '' joseph said . `` it could have been so much better for her . i 'll never understand why my uncle did what he did , why he had so much hatred in his heart . '' the story filled him with sadness even after all these years . `` what do you want me to do , sir ? should i wait to tell her ? '' bryson had no idea what his next move should be . misty was a witness in a case and had a dangerous man coming after her . but this was her family . they would be able to offer her more protection than he could . she 'd been without them long enough . `` misty elton . she 's beautiful , smart , and strong - so strong . she 's a witness in a case we 're building against a dirty cop . she 's been through hell and back , and she 's fighting not to get sucked down there again . i do not want to see her hurt any more than she already has been . i do n't know how she 'll react to this , but i have a feeling she wo n't be averse to having a family . i just want to make sure it 's what damien really wants , because i 'm sure she ca n't handle another rejection in her life . i wo n't let that happen , '' bryson said , revealing more about himself than he should have to the meddling joseph anderson . `` i see , '' joseph replied , all traces of tears now erased from his voice . `` i will let you digest this and then wait for your call , '' bryson said . `` you wo n't be kept waiting long , bryson . what you 've done for our family shows what a great man you are . i 'll happily welcome you into the fold . '' welcome him into the fold ? bryson was n't calling about himself ; he was calling about misty . he had nothing to do with her family other than as a friend to the boys . when he hung up the phone , he had no idea that his future was already mapped out in joseph 's head . the old man was shrewd and he 'd just found another match . and there was nothing that made joseph anderson happier than matching up his family members and seeing future generations brought into the world for him to rightfully spoil .	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sam searched back in her calendar on her smart phone to the time before she and blake had met , desperately trying to prove debbie wrong before she walked back in the room . but when the door opened , and debbie stepped through the doors , samantha 's heart plunged to the ground . sam jumped to her feet , shaking her head . `` we can run a serum test , but these things are accurate . you 're pregnant , not sick . '' everything stood still . the institutional style clock on the wall ticked away the seconds and the room closed in around her . sam 's chest started a rapid rise and fall as she struggled to take a deep breath . `` but we were careful . '' debbie patted her hand and encouraged her to sit back down . `` i can see this is unexpected . maybe you both wanted to wait to start a family , but it is what it is . '' blake trusted her . debbie helped her on the exam table again . debbie saw a newly married woman . anyone else would be thrilled with the news of a baby . the loving smile on blake 's face turning to hatred when he learns of the pregnancy . all the trust and mutual respect would end the minute she told him the news . `` it 's not what we wanted , '' samantha whispered , lost in her thoughts . `` you 're not the first newlywed to get pregnant . i 'm sure your husband loves you . a tear dropped down her cheek . her gaze traveled to her old friend whose concern was etched into her face . you did n't cry when your mother died , or when your sister ended up in the emergency room . '' by now , debbie was sitting beside her , her hands holding samantha 's . sucking in her bottom lip and forcing her eyes to dry , sam shook her head . especially pregnant women . '' unable to tell debbie the truth , samantha nodded . `` you 've always adjusted , no matter what 's thrown at you . '' let 's go over a few things you need to know . i 'll be sending you to dr. marzikian ... '' debbie outlined the first few months of pregnancy , which samantha listened to with half an ear . as she walked out of the office with a prescription for prenatal vitamins instead of birth control , samantha never felt so alone in her life . by the time she reached her car , the tears were streaming down her face and she was helpless to stop them . **** jeff melina , blake 's personal lawyer , sat across from him shaking a paper in the air . `` your father was a jackass . '' `` i 've never seen a more iron-clad will in my life . you 'd think there 'd be some loophole somewhere to negate what he 's asking you to do . '' not the words blake wanted to hear . jeff tossed the papers on the desk . it 's like your dad knew you 'd marry long enough to collect , then divorce . '' confiding in his lawyer could n't be avoided from the beginning . `` blows my plan all to hell . '' `` if you could find an unscrupulous doctor to jack up samantha 's medical records , saying she 's unable to get pregnant ... oh , forget i said that . '' `` samantha is seeing her doctor back in la this week to get on the pill . '' jeff tapped his desk . `` so you are sleeping with her . i did n't think you 'd hold out . '' `` it was easier to give in than pretend we were n't interested . '' blake could hardly wait for his flight later that night to get home to sleep with her again . when they spoke on the phone earlier in the day , she did n't sound right . like something was bothering her . he 'd asked , but she let on like nothing was wrong . `` you know ... there is something you have n't considered . '' blake thought himself a very thorough man . jeff leveled his gaze to blake . `` get her pregnant . '' `` what about 'going on the pill ' did you not understand ? '' `` you need two forms of birth control that first month . '' `` women have tricked men into unwanted pregnancies for centuries . they always want equal rights . '' blake shook him off . i know you think i 'm an ass , but i 'm not that far gone . '' obviously his lawyer was , which might be a good thing in a courtroom , but not in this situation . `` it 's my job to find a way to legally get you what you want . you might try asking her . '' `` ask her to get pregnant ? '' she obviously had a price the first time . '' blake 's jaw started to ache . jeff was treading a thin line , even if it held some truth . `` she 's not a hooker , jeff . '' `` you 're paying her ten million dollars to be your wife for a year and you 're sleeping with her . '' blake was on the desk in a heartbeat .	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an occasional tiny flake still floated down , adding to the powder snow that made mount bachelor a world-renowned destination ski resort . standing at the window looking out , she could tell from the set of tracks cutting through the smooth sheet of snow that colin had already departed for work . that was all it took , the sight of those tracks , to make her think about him . the better she got to know him , the more of a puzzle he became for her . part of it was him , the man with the hard face and intense eyes who could still be so gentle that all of her certainties were shaken . the coward in her wanted to believe that gentleness was a lie . she could hold more of herself back if she was sure he was intent on manipulating her . but nell did n't believe it . he 'd been too honest with her . by asking her to stay here , opening his home to her , he 'd also opened his life . she 'd seen the yearning on his face when he talked about his sister . nell was still stunned that he had held her hand at her parents ' . he had n't bothered to worry about the way her parents would interpret it . resting her forehead against the cold glass , she closed her eyes and remembered how that hand had felt , engulfing hers . she shivered at another memory , of him standing close to her , his fingers delving into her hair and stroking so gently over that old scar . she 'd been sorry when he stepped away . in fact , she 'd felt something so unfamiliar , it was n't until later , lying in bed , that she had identified it as sexual attraction . a few times she had wondered if he were feeling something similar , but she was n't sure . maybe it would be better if she never found out . she had always known that , if she ever came to trust a man enough to want the kind of relationship she saw other people having , she would have to tell him more about her past . the part that would repulse most decent men . but he had hinted that he knew and understood . he thinks of me as maddie . he 's been obsessed with maddie . no matter what , that was n't who she was anymore . it would be better not to think of colin that way , even if he were the only man who had ever made her feel safe . safe enough to feel ... well , other things , too . i 'll wait and see , she decided practically , and turned from the window to get herself breakfast . nell had eaten and was sipping the tea she preferred to coffee when she thought to check her phone . he 'd left her a message . `` i made some calls , including a talk with your father . we 're set for two o'clock at the police station . it 's no longer next to the old courthouse . '' `` why do n't you aim to get here at least half an hour early ? we can talk about the kind of questions you 'll be asked , how you want to answer . '' there was a long enough pause for her to think he might be done , but then he added , his voice subtly different , `` if you go out , be careful , nell . '' sitting locked in this apartment was not an option , certainly not this morning . all she would do was freak out about the upcoming press conference or think about colin , the man . last night she 'd searched facebook for emily henson and hailey allen . she now knew the name of emily 's husband-jason barr-and had even seen a picture of him , albeit one taken with her when they 'd apparently been mountain biking and were tousled , sweaty and laughing . he looked nice : thin , with sandy-blond hair and wire-rimmed glasses . emily 's face produced nothing as concrete as a memory , but it looked familiar and nell felt a funny stir of emotion . she had lingered a long time on emily 's facebook page . she 'd also found hailey allen and learned that , unlike emily , who had gone away for college , hailey had never left the area . after finishing a two-year program in culinary arts at central oregon community college , she 'd gone to work in a restaurant in bend . a year or two ago she had opened her own restaurant in angel butte . nell must have gone right by it yesterday . hailey might not have much time to chat , but nell intended to drop by this morning and at least say hello . she 'd peered for some time at the pictures of hailey , too , trying to reconcile them with any of the faces swimming through her damaged memory , but failed . it might only be that she looked different than she had at fifteen years old . her hair was currently short , spiky and dyed shocking pink , plus she seemed to be clowning around in all the pictures on her page . nell hoped seeing her in person would trigger something .	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he lifted his head and peered down across the quilt , wiggling his exposed toes with disfavor . `` why did i not sleep wi ' my stockings on ? '' i asked , with a small stab of uneasiness . i rather hoped he had n't been dreaming the same sort of thing i had . `` horses , '' he said , to my immediate relief . `` what sort of fiendish dreams could you be having about horses ? '' `` oh , god , it was terrible . '' he rubbed his eyes with both fists and shook his head , trying to clear the dream from his mind . `` all to do wi ' the irish kings . ye ken what mackenzie was sayin ' about it , at the fire last night ? '' `` irish ki-oh ! '' i remembered , and laughed again at the recollection . roger , flushed with the triumph of his new engagement , had regaled the company around the fireside the night before with songs , poems , and entertaining historical anecdotes-one of which concerned the rites with which the ancient irish kings were said to have been crowned . one of these involved the successful candidate copulating with a white mare before the assembled multitudes , presumably to prove his virility-though i thought it would be a better proof of the gentleman 's sangfroid , myself . `` i was in charge o ' the horse , '' jamie informed me . `` and everything went wrong . the man was too short , and i had to find something for him to stand on . i found a rock , but i couldna lift it . then a stool , but the leg came off in my hand . then i tried to pile up bricks to make a platform , but they crumbled to sand . finally they said it was all right , they would just cut the legs off the mare , and i was trying to stop them doing that , and the man who would be king was jerkin ' at his breeks and complaining that his fly buttons wouldna come loose , and then someone noticed that it was a black mare , and that wouldna do at all . '' i snorted , muffling my laughter in a fold of his shirt for fear of wakening someone camped near us . `` is that when you woke up ? '' for some reason , i was verra much affronted at that . i said it would do , in fact the black was a much better horse , for everyone knows that white horses have weak een , and i said the offspring would be blind . and they said no , no , the black was ill luck , and i was insisting it was not , and ... '' he stopped , clearing his throat . he shrugged and glanced sideways at me , a faint flush creeping up his neck . i said it would do fine , i 'd show them . and i had just grasped the mare 's rump to stop her moving , and was getting ready to ... ah ... make myself king of ireland . that 's when i woke . '' i snorted and wheezed , and felt his side vibrate with his own suppressed laughter . `` oh , now i 'm really sorry to have wakened you ! '' i wiped my eyes on the corner of the quilt . `` i 'm sure it was a great loss to the irish . though i do wonder how the queens of ireland felt about that particular ceremony , '' i added as an afterthought . `` i canna think the ladies would suffer even slightly by comparison , '' jamie assured me . `` though i have heard of men who prefer- '' `` i was n't thinking of that , '' i said . `` it was more the hygienic implications , if you see what i mean . putting the cart before the horse is one thing , but putting the horse before the queen ... '' `` the-oh , aye . '' he was flushed with amusement , but his skin darkened further at that . `` say what ye may about the irish , sassenach , but i do believe they wash now and then . and under the circumstances , the king might possibly even have found a bit of soap useful , in ... in ... '' `` in medias res ? '' i mean , after all , a horse is quite large , relatively speaking ... '' `` it 's a matter of readiness , sassenach , as much as room , '' he said , with a repressive glance in my direction . `` and i can see that a man might require a bit of encouragement , under the circumstances . though it 's in medias res , in any case , '' he added . `` have ye never read horace ? or aristotle ? '' we ca n't all be educated . and i 've never had much time for aristotle , after hearing that he ranked women somewhere below worms in his classification of the natural world . '' `` the man ca n't have been married . '' jamie 's hand moved slowly up my back , fingering the knobs of my spine through my shift .	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devin spat out angrily . just figured you 'd want to learn how to protect your girlfriend before going out to play . yup , man duties . ron added sarcastically . devin could n't add to it so he turned to leave . what crawled up his shorts ? uncle ron asked as he watched devin storm out of the kitchen . shaking his head at the knowledge that today was going to be a long one , cody mumbled low ; i think i did . well step down boy , she ai n't yers no more . curious how uncle ron knew what was going on without actually knowing , cody unfortunately understood . with a bit upper lip and a slight drop of his head cody swiped his cup into his hand and walked out of the room . chapter 8 the day was indeed a long one . learning the territory would have been hard enough , but it was the unspoken turmoil that caused the most exhaustion . devin trying to secure his position as kristen 's boyfriend , kristen trying to convey that she did n't really have feelings for cody even though she did and cody trying to keep his own feelings at bay while avoiding potential fights with devin and alone moments with kristen . emotionally drained , cody was relieved to smell that uncle ron had fixed supper tonight as it was one less thing he 'd have to do . as devin grabbed a beer and cody hung his hat and jacket on the hall tree , kristen stood in the middle of the living room half way between the kitchen and devin and the front door and cody . feeling like she had been pulled in two directions all day she too was worn-out . wanting nothing more than to put her feet up and relax for a while , she looked over at cody and found a moment where she recalled those evenings alone with him , snuggled up on the couch . as luck would have it , just as cody looked over to her , uncle ron called out from the kitchen and asked kristen to help set the table . thankful at avoiding an awkward situation and disappointed in missing one of those caring glances kristen turned and walked into the kitchen only to see devin already leaning back in a bar stool sucking down a cold one . annoyance filled her cheeks as she recalled romantic nights at home with devin only to be asked sweetly to get him another beer . exhaling slowly , kristen spread a smile across her face and walked into the kitchen to grab the dishes and silverware for uncle ron . as ron began to speak , kristen began to wonder if her mind was playing tricks on her . was it really all that bad with devin ? was it always so great with cody ? so how was your day litl ' lady ? exhausting , as i expected it to be . did the boys tell you about the baby cubs ? ron asked with enough draw to enlighten anyone 's curiosity . no , i do n't believe they did . cody had just walked into the kitchen when he overheard uncle ron regaling the mornings activities to kristen . ... so i checked on the mamma this morning and she and the cubs were doing just fine . aw , they sound so cute . if you keep your distance and stay downwind you can go take a peek at them cute lil ' babes . the mother lion really needs some alone time with them before feeling overwhelmed by a bunch of humans . excuse me for stating the obvious , but ai n't we talkin ' about wild lions ? would n't that be dangerous ? devin spoke up after a sip . the lioness will need to eat soon and she knows we bring a freshly shot doe to her every week . you feed the lions ? better than them hunting the humans . kristen added quickly . actually little lady , a lion will choose a two hundred pound gazelle over a hundred pound human with a gun any day . by feeding the lions we assure the prime hunting animals are left for the hunters . feeling shot down kristen continued setting the table . she could almost sense a smirk form on devin 's face but she was too proud to look . maybe she was intentionally making him out to be the bad guy ? by the end of the third day , kristen knew exactly what her duties were going to entail and what she needed to be doing . by now she knew her way around the facility and cody had showed her various places he considered safe . she was informed as to where all of the guns were hidden for protection , trained on how to use them and she was ready to take on her ranch duties alone . devin had been instructed as a ranch hand and possible guide . he 'd be in charge of ranch operations , maintenance and management .	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i grabbed handfuls of the sheets and bucked against his face as i cried out his name . i no longer cared who heard me . the smooth metal in his mouth teased my clt relentlessly as he ran it back and forth over my swollen sex . `` so damn sweet , '' he murmured against me and i fell apart . my body convulsed and i was sure i screamed his name loud enough for our neighbors to hear . when i managed to get my eyes open again he was nakd and moving up between my legs . i lifted to meet his thrust and loved watching his face contort with pleasure as he whispered my name this time . rush reached down and pulled my hps up to meet his thrusts as he slid in and out of me in a steady rhythm . i felt the pleasure building and i became more frantic to feel it again . i began lifting my hps higher as i grabbed his arms to pull myself up faster . rush stopped and eased me back , slowing the pace as he moved over me . his mouth covered mine and he began kissing me as if he had all the time in the world when in reality i was a few thrusts away from another orgasm . his tongue ran across mine , tangling with it and then licking at my lips before pressing chaste kisses on the corners of my mouth and then sucking on my top lip . i ca n't lose you , '' he pleaded . his hps moved and pressed into me deep one more time as he let out a groan . i went flying apart , clinging to him and promising him anything he wanted . his cry of release sent me off again . when i finally managed to breathe rush was cuddling me into his arms and tucking his head into the crook of my neck . his warm breath tickled and soothed me at the same time . so fking much , '' he said in a husky whisper . so fking much , '' i replied with a happy smile . he chuckled but did n't look at me . he kept his face buried against me . `` i 'm gon na need you again . confused , i frowned and pulled back so i could see his face . `` because i may be insatiable tonight . it 's been a long twenty- four hours . '' `` you mean you want more , now ? '' i asked rush slipped his hands between my legs . ** rush was asleep when i heard my dad enter the boat . i was thankful he 'd missed out on all the action . rush had finally fallen asleep from exhaustion . i was completely satisfied though . i 'd fought off sleep because i wanted to wait for my dad to come back home . i reached for my sundress and eased out of rush 's arms then slipped it over my head . i needed to go tell him about rush being here . i had n't told him much of anything so he needed some explanation . unlocking the door , i glanced back at rush who was still sleeping peacefully . easing off the bed and out of the room i tiptoed up the stairs . dad was sitting at the kitchen table fixing himself a glass of milk . `` did n't mean to wake you , '' he said . i was awake , '' i replied . i nodded toward the front of the boat , outside where our voice would n't carry downstairs as loudly . dad looked toward the stairs and frowned then nodded and stood up to walk back outside of the cabin . i closed the cabin door to muffle anything we said before turning to look at my dad . `` rush is here , '' i explained . understanding dawned on my dad 's face and he nodded . glad the boy was smart enough to come get you . '' he liked rush . he 'd thrown me in front of rush to begin with . i was glad he approved . i wanted to keep a relationship with my dad and rush had n't been a fan of him for a long time . `` i left because of his family . nan mostly . she 's ... too much sometimes . '' `` she 's a nightmare . she is n't my daughter ; you can be blunt . i spent enough time with her to know she 's in need of some serious attention from a father . '' i nodded and sat down on the bench seat along the side of the boat then tucked my legs underneath me . `` i do n't want to hate her because rush loves her . she 's determined to take him away from me . sometimes i think she just might win . '' dad sat down on a faded rainbow colored lawn chair . `` boy loves you more . he will always love you more . anyone can see that , baby girl . you just have to learn not to let nan intimidate you . '' but then when she needs him he is there . most of the time at the expense of my needs . i know that sounds silly and i 'm being selfish but i need him to pick me . i need him to pick me and our baby over everyone else . i do n't know if he 'll ever do that . ''	[["grab", 9], ["grabbed", 9], ["handful", 18], ["handfuls", 18], ["sheet", 32], ["sheets", 32], ["buck", 43], ["bucking", 43], ["bucked", 43], ["face", 60], ["cry", 71], ["cried", 71], ["name", 84], ["long", 98], ["longs", 98], ["care", 104], ["cared", 104], ["hear", 114], ["hears", 114], ["heard", 114], ["smooth", 130], ["metal", 136], ["mouth", 149], ["mouthed", 149], ["tease", 156], ["teased", 156], ["relentlessly", 177], ["run", 187], ["ran", 187], ["back", 195], ["forth", 205], ["sex", 225], ["damn", 238], ["damned", 238], ["sweet", 244], ["murmur", 261], ["murmurest", 261], ["murmured", 261], ["fall", 283], ["falls", 283], ["fell", 283], ["apart", 289], ["body", 299], ["bodied", 299], ["convulse", 309], ["sure", 324], ["scream", 335], ["screams", 335], ["screamed", 335], ["loud", 349], ["enough", 356], ["neighbor", 374], ["neighbors", 374], ["hear", 382], ["hears", 382], ["manage", 399], ["managed", 399], ["get", 406], ["eye", 414], ["eyed", 414], ["eyes", 414], ["open", 419], ["move", 449], ["moving", 449], ["leg", 468], ["legs", 468], ["lift", 479], ["lifted", 479], ["meet", 487], ["meeted", 487], ["thrust", 498], ["love", 508], ["loved", 508], ["watch", 517], ["watching", 517], ["contort", 534], ["contorted", 534], ["pleasure", 548], ["whisper", 564], ["whispered", 564], ["time", 582], ["rush", 589], ["reach", 597], ["reached", 597], ["pull", 613], ["pulled", 613], ["thrust", 644], ["thrusts", 644], ["slid", 655], ["steady", 684], ["rhythm", 691], ["rhythms", 691], ["feel", 700], ["felt", 700], ["build", 722], ["building", 722], ["become", 735], ["became", 735], ["frantic", 748], ["feel", 756], ["begin", 775], ["began", 775], ["lift", 783], ["high", 798], ["arm", 820], ["arms", 820], ["pull", 828], ["fast", 845], ["stop", 860], ["stopped", 860], ["ease", 870], ["eased", 870], ["slow", 888], ["slowing", 888], ["pace", 897], ["move", 909], ["moved", 909], ["cover", 937], ["covered", 937], ["mine", 942], ["kiss", 963], ["kisses", 963], ["kissest", 963], ["kissing", 963], ["world", 1005], ["reality", 1021], ["away", 1046], ["another", 1059], ["orgasm", 1066], ["orgasms", 1066], ["tongue", 1079], ["tonguing", 1079], ["across", 1090], ["tangle", 1106], ["tangling", 1106], ["lick", 1131], ["licking", 1131], ["lip", 1142], ["lipped", 1142], ["lips", 1142], ["press", 1158], ["pressing", 1158], ["chaste", 1165], ["kiss", 1172], ["kisses", 1172], ["kissest", 1172], ["corner", 1187], ["corners", 1187], ["suck", 1216], ["sucking", 1216], ["top", 1226], ["lip", 1230], ["lipped", 1230], ["ca", 1237], ["cas", 1237], ["lose", 1246], ["plead", 1266], ["pleaded", 1266], ["press", 1295], ["pressed", 1295], ["deep", 1308], ["deeply", 1308], ["let", 1332], ["lets", 1332], ["groan", 1344], ["groans", 1344], ["groanest", 1344], ["groaning", 1344], ["go", 1353], ["goest", 1353], ["went", 1353], ["fly", 1360], ["flys", 1360], ["flying", 1360], ["cling", 1377], ["clinging", 1377], ["promise", 1398], ["promising", 1398], ["anything", 1411], ["cry", 1431], ["release", 1442], ["send", 1447], ["sent", 1447], ["finally", 1477], ["breathes", 1496], ["cuddle", 1514], ["cuddles", 1514], ["cuddling", 1514], ["tuck", 1543], ["tucked", 1543], ["tucking", 1543], ["head", 1552], ["crook", 1567], ["crooked", 1567], ["neck", 1578], ["necked", 1578], ["warm", 1589], ["breath", 1596], ["breathest", 1596], ["tickle", 1604], ["tickling", 1604], ["tickled", 1604], ["soothe", 1616], ["soothes", 1616], ["soothed", 1616], ["much", 1654], ["say", 1667], ["sayest", 1667], ["said", 1667], ["husky", 1678], ["whisper", 1686], ["reply", 1719], ["replied", 1719], ["happy", 1732], ["smile", 1738], ["chuckle", 1752], ["chuckled", 1752], ["look", 1769], ["keep", 1785], ["keepest", 1785], ["kept", 1785], ["bury", 1801], ["burying", 1801], ["buried", 1801], ["gon", 1826], ["na", 1829], ["nas", 1829], ["need", 1834], ["needest", 1834], ["frown", 1867], ["frowns", 1867], ["frowned", 1867], ["see", 1898], ["may", 1926], ["mays", 1926], ["mayest", 1926], ["insatiable", 1940], ["tonight", 1948], ["long", 1968], ["longs", 1968], ["four", 1981], ["hour", 1987], ["hours", 1987], ["mean", 2004], ["meanest", 2004], ["ask", 2037], ["asked", 2037], ["slip", 2050], ["slipped", 2050], ["hand", 2060], ["hands", 2060], ["asleep", 2098], ["dad", 2118], ["enter", 2124], ["boat", 2133], ["boated", 2133], ["thankful", 2150], ["miss", 2163], ["missed", 2163], ["action", 2185], ["fall", 2211], ["falls", 2211], ["fallen", 2211], ["exhaustion", 2234], ["completely", 2253], ["satisfied", 2263], ["though", 2270], ["fight", 2284], ["fightest", 2284], ["fought", 2284], ["slept", 2294], ["sleep", 2294], ["sleeps", 2294], ["sleepest", 2294], ["wait", 2319], ["waitest", 2319], ["come", 2338], ["home", 2348], ["homing", 2348], ["sundress", 2376], ["need", 2446], ["needest", 2446], ["needed", 2446], ["go", 2452], ["goest", 2452], ["tell", 2457], ["tell", 2500], ["told", 2500], ["explanation", 2551], ["unlock", 2563], ["unlocking", 2563], ["unlockest", 2563], ["door", 2572], ["glance", 2584], ["glanced", 2584], ["still", 2611], ["slept", 2620], ["sleep", 2620], ["sleeps", 2620], ["sleepest", 2620], ["sleeping", 2620], ["peacefully", 2631], ["ease", 2640], ["easing", 2640], ["bed", 2652], ["room", 2672], ["roomed", 2672], ["tiptoe", 2682], ["tiptoed", 2682], ["stair", 2696], ["stairs", 2696], ["sat", 2714], ["sit", 2714], ["sitting", 2714], ["kitchen", 2729], ["kitchens", 2729], ["table", 2735], ["tabled", 2735], ["tabling", 2735], ["fix", 2742], ["fixes", 2742], ["fixing", 2742], ["glass", 2758], ["milk", 2766], ["milked", 2766], ["milkest", 2766], ["wake", 2792], ["wakes", 2792], ["woken", 2792], ["awoke", 2823], ["awake", 2823], ["nod", 2849], ["nodded", 2849], ["toward", 2856], ["front", 2866], ["outside", 2888], ["voice", 2904], ["carry", 2920], ["downstairs", 2931], ["loudly", 2941], ["look", 2954], ["looked", 2954], ["stood", 3006], ["stand", 3006], ["standest", 3006], ["walk", 3017], ["cabin", 3043], ["close", 3054], ["closed", 3054], ["muffle", 3079], ["muffles", 3079], ["turn", 3111], ["turning", 3111], ["explain", 3164], ["explained", 3164], ["understanding", 3180], ["dawn", 3187], ["dawnest", 3187], ["dawned", 3187], ["glad", 3226], ["boy", 3234], ["smart", 3244], ["like", 3281], ["liked", 3281], ["throw", 3301], ["thrown", 3301], ["begin", 3330], ["approve", 3360], ["approved", 3360], ["keep", 3379], ["keepest", 3379], ["relationship", 3394], ["fan", 3434], ["left", 3469], ["leave", 3469], ["family", 3491], ["nan", 3497], ["nans", 3497], ["mostly", 3504], ["nightmare", 3563], ["nightmares", 3563], ["daughter", 3588], ["blunt", 3607], ["blunted", 3607], ["blunting", 3607], ["spend", 3617], ["spends", 3617], ["spendest", 3617], ["spent", 3617], ["know", 3646], ["knowest", 3646], ["serious", 3677], ["attention", 3687], ["father", 3701], ["fathered", 3701], ["fathering", 3701], ["sat", 3723], ["sit", 3723], ["bench", 3741], ["benched", 3741], ["seat", 3746], ["along", 3752], ["side", 3761], ["sidest", 3761], ["tuck", 3785], ["tucked", 3785], ["tucking", 3785], ["underneath", 3804], ["hate", 3834], ["hateed", 3834], ["love", 3857], ["loves", 3857], ["take", 3889], ["think", 3926], ["thinkest", 3926], ["may", 3941], ["mays", 3941], ["mayest", 3941], ["might", 3941], ["win", 3945], ["fade", 3974], ["faded", 3974], ["rainbow", 3982], ["colored", 3990], ["lawn", 3995], ["lawns", 3995], ["chair", 4001], ["chairing", 4001], ["always", 4042], ["love", 4047], ["anyone", 4065], ["baby", 4085], ["girl", 4090], ["learn", 4115], ["learnt", 4115], ["learns", 4115], ["intimidate", 4141], ["need", 4174], ["needest", 4174], ["needs", 4174], ["expense", 4224], ["sound", 4257], ["sounds", 4257], ["silly", 4263], ["selfish", 4286], ["selfishest", 4286], ["pick", 4309], ["everyone", 4363], ["else", 4368], ["ever", 4399], ["everest", 4399]]
as if the rest of the world is completely separate from him . apparently , i 'm part of the masses , along with everyone else , while dominic is alone . in his mind , it 's dominic against the world . suddenly , i really do feel sorry for him . he might be rich , and he might be gorgeous , but he wears the utter weariness of his life on his face . it 's clearly way too much for someone his age . it 's like he 's a hundred years old and he 's just tired of it all . `` you know , if you do n't like your life , you can change it , '' i tell him , my lip shivering with the cold . `` you 've got the world on a string . dominic stares at me , his green eyes gleaming in a dangerous way . `` we work together for a couple days and you think you know me now ? '' i ignore his sharp tone . and i can see a lot on your face . more than you 'd probably like for me to . '' he stares at me , his gaze unreadable . i stare at him , appraising him . `` you 're jaded . and something has hurt you badly , something in your past . you think you 're all alone and you 're tired of everything . '' dominic breathes sharply , not taking his eyes off of mine . `` you think you can see all that ? '' i nod slowly , not breaking our gaze . `` i know that i can . dominic chuckles now , a humorless laugh . like i said , i do n't need to see shit about myself in the tabloids . they publish enough lies about me . i do n't need to give them truths to work with . i can feel heat from his body emanating from him and i scoot a bit closer . `` sorry , '' i tell him when he glances at me . `` i 'm freaking cold . and you 're warm . '' `` fine , '' he answers , lifting his arm to wrap it around my shoulders . `` but no pictures . i do n't want this on any form of social media . trust me , you do n't either . they 'll hound you for weeks . '' `` i know that might be what you 're used to , but taking a picture with you is the last thing on my mind at this point . all i can care about is not losing my fingers and toes to hypothermia . '' `` has anyone told ever you that you 're a bit melodramatic ? '' dominic asks dryly , although his arm does tighten a bit around my shoulders . i chuckle , but do n't reply . i enjoy sitting with him for several minutes before the silence starts to gnaw at me . this quiet is killing me . you might not want to talk , '' i tell him . `` but i 'm going to distract myself . let 's play twenty questions . '' dominic rolls his eyes , then closes them . have you ever had a crush on a costar ? '' i look at him , but he still does n't open his eyes . `` no comment , '' he answers again . i hesitate , dying to ask him something , but terrified to do it . but in typical jacey vincent fashion , i barge ahead and do it anyway . `` that girl you were with at the party ... was that emma ? '' he completely tenses up , i can see every muscle freeze as he opens his eyes and stares at me . `` how do you know about emma ? '' the look on his face is almost frightening in its intensity . `` your sister mentioned her the night we met , '' i answer slowly . `` you were smacked in the head , so you probably do n't remember . '' i watch a myriad of things cross his face-confusion , sadness , pain , and something else dark that i ca n't identify-before he finally shakes his head . and i have no other f**king comment . '' the mood around us has turned as dark as dominic 's expression , and i 'm not sure what to do about it . his reaction is fascinating , but i 'm sure not going to press him for more , not if the mere mention of the girl turns his mood so black . so instead i change the subject . `` what 's it like being sin kinkaide 's brother ? '' he stares at me drolly now , the ugliness gone from his eyes . `` you should ask him what it 's like to be my brother . '' i shake my head , amused by his arrogance . `` i would , but i 'm trapped in here with you , not him . and you 're not cooperating in this game . '' dominic smiles slowly . `` you 're very astute , princess . that 's because i do n't want to play . unless i get to ask you the questions . that would be more fun . '' you ask me , i 'll answer . ''	[["rest", 14], ["world", 27], ["completely", 41], ["separate", 50], ["apparently", 72], ["part", 84], ["parting", 84], ["masse", 98], ["masses", 98], ["along", 106], ["everyone", 120], ["else", 125], ["dominic", 141], ["alone", 150], ["mind", 164], ["minding", 164], ["suddenly", 209], ["really", 220], ["feel", 228], ["sorry", 234], ["may", 253], ["mays", 253], ["mayest", 253], ["might", 253], ["rich", 261], ["gorgeous", 288], ["wear", 303], ["wears", 303], ["utter", 313], ["uttered", 313], ["uttering", 313], ["weariness", 323], ["life", 335], ["lifes", 335], ["face", 347], ["clearly", 363], ["way", 367], ["ways", 367], ["much", 376], ["age", 396], ["aged", 396], ["like", 409], ["hundred", 425], ["year", 431], ["years", 431], ["old", 435], ["tired", 456], ["know", 480], ["knowest", 480], ["change", 528], ["tell", 543], ["lip", 556], ["lipped", 556], ["cold", 580], ["get", 597], ["got", 597], ["strung", 619], ["string", 619], ["strings", 619], ["stare", 636], ["stared", 636], ["stares", 636], ["green", 654], ["greens", 654], ["eye", 659], ["eyed", 659], ["eyes", 659], ["gleam", 668], ["gleams", 668], ["gleamed", 668], ["gleamest", 668], ["gleaming", 668], ["dangerous", 683], ["work", 700], ["wrought", 700], ["together", 709], ["couple", 722], ["day", 727], ["days", 727], ["think", 741], ["thinkest", 741], ["ignore", 771], ["sharp", 781], ["sharps", 781], ["tone", 786], ["toned", 786], ["toning", 786], ["see", 802], ["lot", 808], ["probably", 849], ["gaze", 896], ["gazes", 896], ["unreadable", 907], ["stare", 917], ["stared", 917], ["appraise", 937], ["appraising", 937], ["jade", 960], ["jaded", 960], ["hurt", 985], ["hurts", 985], ["hurting", 985], ["badly", 995], ["past", 1020], ["everything", 1082], ["breathe", 1104], ["breathes", 1104], ["sharply", 1112], ["take", 1125], ["taking", 1125], ["nod", 1193], ["slowly", 1200], ["break", 1215], ["broke", 1215], ["breaking", 1215], ["chuckle", 1266], ["chuckled", 1266], ["chuckles", 1266], ["humorless", 1284], ["laugh", 1290], ["say", 1304], ["sayest", 1304], ["said", 1304], ["need", 1320], ["needest", 1320], ["shit", 1332], ["tabloid", 1361], ["tabloids", 1361], ["publish", 1376], ["enough", 1383], ["lay", 1388], ["lie", 1388], ["lain", 1388], ["lies", 1388], ["give", 1421], ["truth", 1433], ["truths", 1433], ["heat", 1464], ["heats", 1464], ["heated", 1464], ["body", 1478], ["bodied", 1478], ["emanate", 1488], ["emanating", 1488], ["scoot", 1509], ["bit", 1515], ["bits", 1515], ["close", 1522], ["closer", 1522], ["glance", 1565], ["glances", 1565], ["warm", 1614], ["fine", 1627], ["answer", 1643], ["answeres", 1643], ["answerest", 1643], ["answers", 1643], ["lift", 1653], ["arm", 1661], ["wrap", 1669], ["wraps", 1669], ["wrapping", 1669], ["around", 1679], ["shoulder", 1692], ["shouldered", 1692], ["shoulders", 1692], ["picture", 1713], ["pictures", 1713], ["form", 1746], ["formest", 1746], ["social", 1756], ["medium", 1762], ["mediums", 1762], ["media", 1762], ["trust", 1770], ["either", 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["game", 3942], ["smile", 3962], ["smiles", 3962], ["astute", 3994], ["princess", 4005], ["unless", 4054], ["unlesss", 4054], ["get", 4060], ["fun", 4110]]
maybe she 'd picked up on something clint was n't revealing , or maybe it was her own excitement of her granddaughter 's planned arrival this afternoon . as content as jessica was last night , a premonition that something bad was going to happen clung to her soul like a cold sweat to the skin . try as she might , she could n't seem to shake the dark sentiment . after breakfast the three busied themselves in preparations for rose marie 's arrival . clint cleaned his belongings out of the bedroom and set up a cot for himself in the kitchen . when they sat down for lunch , clint 's aloofness was just as potent as it had been at breakfast . though she and clint were cordial to one another , hesitant glances seemed to be their only form of communication today . once the food was eaten with little interest , the three continued their tasks . `` i 'm taking jessie 's cot to your room , '' clint said to mary . `` sure , that 'll be grand . are you sure you 're up to all this lifting ? '' `` it 's not heavy , mary . i 'm fine , a bit tired is all . '' clint was coming out of mary 's bedroom when there was a quick rap and the front door flew open . clint sucked in a quick breath . jessica spun to him to see what was wrong . he was gawking in mesmerized wonder at the front door . his sharp green eyes had widened in a stare of such awe , it multiplied the disquiet she 'd withstood all day long . as if in slow motion , jessica twisted toward the object of his unquestionable focus . as surely as a curtain drawn open on a stage , her promised foreboding materialized right before her eyes . in the doorway was the most exquisite woman she 'd ever seen in her lifeas strikingly beautiful as clint was overwhelmingly handsome . a tall , willowy , marilyn monroe-look-alike . and the minute she started talking she commanded the attention of everyone in the room , including walt who was now standing behind her , grinning , as if he 'd brought them princess grace . `` oh , there you are , grandma ! her voice was confident and silky , nothing like the breathy marilyn 's . she floated through the room with the poise of a royal . her skirt and petticoatspetticoats ? flowed as she glided toward mary and clasped her in a huge hug . releasing mary , the princess swung around . the vivid yellow skirt twirled about her legs like a breeze through daffodils as she offered a hand to jessica . `` now who might you be ? '' jessica stared at the proffered hand , then took it . finally , she wrenched her gaze away from their shaking hands to the woman 's face . `` i 'm jessica , roy 's niece , '' she said around a throat so dry it felt like the sahara . `` well , now , i 'm very pleased to meet you , jessica . your uncle roy was very kind to lend dear walt to drive me all the way up here . '' jessica dropped her hand to her side . in a matter of a few short moments she felt totally ineptoutclassed and outmoded . rose marie turned once again as she must have realized there was another person in the room she had yet to meet . when her gaze landed on clint she gasped and touched her fingers to her lips . and who in the world are you ? clint , perhaps ? '' she said around her fingertips . by the look of appreciation , it was clear rose marie was as captivated by clint as he was of her . withdrawing her hand from her mouth , she offered it to him . in a flash clint became the person jessica had seen at the dancecharm extraordinaire . even though he was not wearing his stetson in the house , he brought a hand up to pull on its imaginary bill , and with casual charm said , `` hello , beautiful . a real pleasure to finally meet you . '' he gave her one of his famous smiles , and took her hand in a gentle shake . it was all she could do to force her lungs to take the next full breath . what she wanted to do was run out of the cabin in screaming hysterics . clint and rose marie gazed over each other 's faces in full perusal , still clutching hands . jessica looked on in a torturous , endless , out-of-body sort of moment . so awkward were the next few seconds that jessica thought she would faint dead away from lack of oxygen . `` jessica , let 's go get your cot fixed up , shall we ? '' mary said , recognizing her distress . `` clint can explain to walt why the big-h 's foreman has been up and missing for so long . '' mary shifted her gaze to rose marie .	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evy could n't remember his name - steve maybe - but had no trouble recalling his striking features and broad shoulders . tall guys had always been a turn on for her and she cursed herself for not giving him a shot . she was n't that busy tomorrow night . she squirted the whip cream in circular bursts around the tarts , unnerved by the wetness building inside her jeans . she imagined running her fingers through his brown hair and kissing those full lips . he looked like a good kisser , too , like he actually enjoyed a bit of foreplay rather than just diving right into dessert . it had been a long year since finding out her fiance had gotten more than just a lap dance from some stripper at his bachelor party . evy moved to the next row of tarts , trying to convince herself that her plate was too full to be wasting time messing with some player . nevertheless , the guy from the gym kept rising to the top , smiling at her with that mischievous grin , ravaging her with those big brown eyes . she shook her head , fighting the flush of heat between her legs , desperate to erase the image of his sculpted biceps with that vein running through them that always turned her on . the last thing she needed right now was more drama . a wistful sigh escaped her as she kept hearing herself shoot him down inside her head . not every guy was richie , she told herself . evy refused to become one of those woefully inadequate heroines from some sappy romance novel . she knew she was smart and pretty and would be damned if some cheating scumbag would take that away from her . she grunted and moved on to the next row . after richie , however , she had doubted herself a great deal but putting some time and miles between her and that dark day when that racy video had mysteriously shown up in her inbox had already done wonders . it had been a long twelve months and her needs and desires , whether she liked it or not , were beginning to awaken . the tall guy 's gorgeous face , with that scruffy jaw and pointed nose , flickered through her mind again . she shuddered as the need in her gut moaned with want for the first time in a long time . she squeezed the bag of whipped cream with both hands , imagining him naked . defined hip bone cuts were her weakness and he probably had those too . she imagined slipping her hands down his gym shorts and finding him hard as a rock . her heart fluttered as she looked up to see ben standing there with long yellow dish gloves hiding the sleeves of tattoos covering his muscular arms . `` god , you scared me , '' she said , blushing and returning her attention to the tarts . he shrugged and set a clean pan on a silver rack along a yellow painted wall . `` you looked like you were a thousand miles away . '' `` just trying to make these perfect . '' he rested his hands on his hips and inhaled , his chest stretching his t-shirt to its limits . `` what 's whose name ? '' a petite brunette said , bursting through the swinging door like a texas tornado . ben fumbled a pack of smokes from his distressed jeans and nodded at evy . `` your sister is fantasizing about having sex with some dude . '' evy barked . the tiny brunette with the same emerald colored eyes as evy inhaled sharply . `` evy burnett ! evy 's face turned as red as a barn . `` i was n't fantasizing about anyone . try minding your business for once , brooke . '' brooke and ben exchanged glances and moved in closer , dropping onto stools around the large island table . brooke asked flatly . evy released a defeated sigh , dropping her shoulders and stopping the whipped cream . `` at the gym last sunday . '' ben grinned , popping a smoke between his lips . evy bit back a grin . `` and tall . '' `` oooh , '' brooke smiled brightly . `` sounds right up your alley . '' `` he asked me out , too . '' brooke 's mouth went slack . `` i hope you said yes . '' evy shook her head . ben asked , pulling a lighter out . evy cocked her head to one side . `` do you know what kind of guys hit on girls at the gym ? douchebag players . '' creases rippled through brooke 's forehead like time had just sped up and aged her ten years . `` for your information , evy , douchebag players know what they 're doing in bed . they will service you right . '' `` not my style , you guys know that , '' evy replied , returning to the tarts . `` well , you better make it your style because you need to get laid , '' brooke said . ben 's eyes silently darted back and forth between them . brooke tightened her pointed glare . evy finished the last tart and set the whipped cream bag aside . brooke laughed sharply . `` not without spending a fortune on batteries ! 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whenever you have an inkling of what you 'd like , just let me know and we 'll see what we can come up with . '' they valet parked at the hotel and went immediately up to the suite that holly had booked . `` you girls get into your pj 's and tell me what you want to eat . i 'll order it up , '' holly said . `` you pick for me , '' lily said . `` i 'll eat anything . '' just get a lot of it . '' i 'll get our order placed . '' callie followed lily into the second bedroom of the suite they were sharing . `` can i see it again ? '' `` sure , '' lily said . she unzipped her jeans , peeled them away from her skin and let them fall to the floor . then she stretched out on her side on the bed and carefully pulled the bandage away on one side . `` it 's amazing , lily . you have such talent . i know the guy inked you , but this is your design . it 's so intricate . it must have taken you hours to get all the detail you put into it . '' `` try days , '' lily said ruefully . `` it 's all i 've worked on for the last week . i drew and i pondered what i wanted to say to charles . '' callie grimaced and then plopped onto the bed next to lily . `` i admire you for doing this . i wish ... i wish i had the balls to stand up and say , hey f**k you , you were wrong . '' lily asked softly . she replaced the bandage that the artist had told her to leave on for a few hours . callie hesitated for a long moment . i ... i fell hard for someone . i thought he fell just as hard . he took what he wanted and then he was gone without a word . '' lily eased up and then wrapped her arms around callie . that must hurt so much . '' callie hugged her back . i ran home to lick my wounds , and to be honest , i have n't had the desire to leave again . maybe that 'll change or maybe i 've changed . i 've always been so restless . see new places . right now i like being surrounded by my family-people that i know love me and would never hurt me . that 's comforting , you know ? '' lily squeezed . i 've felt that way ever since i met your brothers and was welcomed into your family . i 'll never be able to express to any of you just how much that meant to me . '' `` it 's going to be fun having a sister . '' `` oh crap , you 're going to make me cry , '' lily said with a sniff . we have to keep you strong tonight so that tomorrow you can walk into your ex-husband 's home and kick his sorry ass . '' `` my home , '' lily said softly . `` or at least it used to be . '' callie gaped at her . `` you mean that all that time you were homeless , that bastard was living in your house ? '' `` i could n't go back there . tomorrow will be the first time i 've been back since rose 's funeral . '' pain still thudded in her chest as she imagined going back . after three years . it seemed a lifetime and just like yesterday all rolled into one . `` i 'd like to go with you so i could kick him in the balls , '' callie said with a ferocious scowl . `` girls , the food 's here , '' holly called from the next room . `` oh crap , we 've been gabbing and still have n't changed , '' callie said as she bolted up . they hurried into their sleepwear and then went into the next room where holly was arranging the plates on the small dinette . `` i have to say , mom , you may not cook worth a darn , but you know good food , '' callie said as she surveyed the array of entrees . lily 's mouth watered as she looked from the filet mignon to the lobster tail to the grilled shrimp skewer and the jumbo fried shrimp on a separate plate . there were steamed vegetables , rice and bread rolls . and the piece de resistance : cheesecake with caramel topping . lily flopped into the chair . `` oh god , i do n't even know where to start . it all looks wonderful . '' `` which is why you take some of everything , '' holly said . `` a very sound idea , '' callie said as she reached over to snag a shrimp . the women piled food onto their plates and chatted while they ate . lily was glad she 'd asked them to come . not that seth , dillon and michael would n't have come in a heartbeat , but she wanted to surprise them with the tattoo .	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margaret was n't one to make unnecessary trips , nor was she the type of woman to find an excuse to shop . `` i 'm meeting with the other women . we 're going to discuss ideas on how to deal with the threat from value-x , '' she told him . `` sweetheart , that 's already been discussed to death . the town council has tried , hassie's- '' `` everyone 's been talking to ambrose kohn individually . we 've got to mount a defense as a community . '' sign petitions ? '' he did n't mean to sound negative , but he sincerely doubted that value-x cared what the community thought . they 'd already set the wheels in motion . matt suspected many a town such as theirs had tried to mount a defense , but it had been hopeless from the start . value-x knew how to win . `` we ca n't sit by and do nothing , '' margaret insisted . `` but it 's almost christmas . '' `` exactly , and value-x is counting on the community to delay a response until after the holidays . by then it could be too late . that 's what the meeting 's about . i 'm willing to fight now , and so are the other women in town . '' `` you 're welcome to join us , but ... '' `` but the women are spearheading this . '' `` that 's because none of you men believe it can be done . '' her smile belied the sharpness of her words . `` you can still come if you want . '' `` no , thanks , '' matt said , waving a hand in dismissal . `` i 've got the kids to look after . '' margaret smiled and reached over to spear a hot-cake with her fork . they 'd been married three years , and matt fell more in love with her every day . times had been hard in the beginning , but it seemed that once they 'd survived that rough period , they 'd grown closer than ever . of one thing matt was certain-his wife brought out the very best in him . he loved her with an intensity that gave him strength . `` so i can leave hailey and david with you ? '' `` i did have plans this morning , but they can wait . '' he 'd hoped to finish the gift he was working on for margaret . the antique rocker had belonged to her father . matt had stumbled upon it in the loft up in the barn , and sadie had told him its history . joshua mckenna had repaired it earlier , and matt had sanded and varnished the wood . sadie had sewed new cushions for the seat and back . matt had hoped to add a final coat of varnish that morning so it would be ready for margaret on christmas morning . well ... he 'd have to find time tonight . `` i do n't know what you women think you 're going to accomplish , '' he said , `` but if you sincerely believe it 'll make a difference , then i 'll do my part-and i 'll wish you well . '' margaret thanked him with a brilliant smile , rose from the table and kissed him . the kiss was deep and full of promise . she was letting him know he 'd be rewarded a hundred times over at a more appropriate hour . soon afterward margaret headed into town . once the kids were up , dressed and fed , matt decided he wanted to know exactly what the women intended . reaching for the phone , he called jeb mckenna , his closest neighbor . `` is maddy gone , too ? '' matt heard children crying in the background . `` i 've got my hands full . '' `` me , too , '' matt confessed . `` i do n't have a clue , but i 'm sorry now that i did n't go with her . they have great intentions , but what can they do that has n't already been tried ? '' `` you signed the petition ? '' `` along with everyone else in town , '' matt told him . `` buffalo bob contacted the governor and asked for help . '' `` did he hear back ? '' now , that was promising . matt sighed impatiently . `` i feel like we should be there . '' hailey tugged at his jeans . `` can we go to town and have a soda ? '' matt grinned at his daughter . `` just a minute , honey . '' what an inspiration . `` i 'll meet you at the soda fountain , '' matt suggested . `` that way we can keep the kids occupied and we can talk ourselves . '' `` good idea , '' jeb said . matt pushed a tape into the truck 's console and sang christmas songs with his children as he drove into town . when he parked outside hassie 's , he noticed several other vehicles there , too . the two youngsters followed him excitedly into the drugstore . the soda fountain appeared to be the most popular place in town ; gage sinclair was there with his two daughters , and jeb mckenna had arrived ahead of him .	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`` i need for you to trust me , trust that i will make the right decision here . i 'm not an unsure teenager anymore . `` you 're turning this all around . '' some lawyerly logic would serve him well right now , except logical was the last thing he felt around marianna . `` listen , it 's not as if we need the money . while i was on the computer last night , i came up with some ideas for investing in a trust fund for the baby . i can set up an account for you by the close of business today . '' `` do not go there , sebastian , '' she snapped , her chest rising and falling faster and faster with each breath . what makes you think we can just go back to the way things were ? '' her words seeped into his brain , and he was n't liking the implication one bit . `` so you 're saying that 's it . no trying , not even for the baby . '' `` i 'm saying because of the baby we have to find a way to communicate without tearing each other apart . '' marianna stood her ground even as her jaw trembled . `` and if that means we ca n't be together anymore , then that 's the way it has to be . '' all her talk of making love had been just that . `` you 're taking that job in columbia , are n't you ? '' `` it 's not about the job or the damn money . '' anger crackled from her as she all but stamped her foot . `` i do n't care about your bank balance . this is about your trying to manipulate me into doing things your way . this is about you and me and the way you do n't trust me to have handled what happened today . '' `` did you ever think maybe you do n't trust me ? '' that stopped her short and he could n't miss the hint of guilt that clouded her eyes . she did n't even deny what he 'd said . he kept his hands jammed in his pockets , calling up all restraint . he was n't the type to shout down any woman , much less a pregnant woman he loved . he 'd loved her since they were teenagers , and yet they still ended up in this same place time after time . but that knowledge did n't stop him from pushing the issue . fighting for this one last bit of understanding from her about a major cause of arguments in the past . `` i was right about ross ward . all this time he 's had feelings for you . '' tears welled and she scraped her wrist over her face . `` you 're always right and i 'm just the emotional explosion waiting to happen . you never seemed to consider that i 'm a big girl . i can handle a man being attracted to me and keep him at arm 's distance . '' `` yeah , you were doing real well with that when i came in here . '' if he 'd hoped to wound her-and hell , maybe he had-he could see he 'd done a damn good job of it . her lips tightened into a hard , flat line . `` get out , sebastian . '' she turned her back to him , the set to her shoulders making it clear she was done talking , likely done with them . eleven t he door closed in her now-empty office with a finality that reverberated all the way to marianna 's toes . even in the quiet aftermath with only the swoosh-swoosh of the grandfather clock to keep her company , the sounds of sebastian 's fight with her boss-the sounds of her fight with sebastian-lingered . how had things gone so wrong so fast ? her heart squeezed tight in her chest as she thought of the brief hope she 'd felt earlier . how she 'd actually thought because he spoke sophie 's name everything else might magically fall into place.they 'd taken a long time getting to this sad and confusing place in their relationship . she 'd been foolish to think that years of problems could be solved in the span of a few days . god , it hurt loving such a quietly immovable man . marianna sank onto the sofa , exhausted , and it was n't even lunchtime yet . she considered going after sebastian before he could pull out of the parking lot-for all of two swooshes of the pendulum . she did n't even know where to begin sorting through this . the only fact she knew for sure ? she needed to turn in her notice . what sebastian had wanted from the start . had he let things get out of control with the fight , knowing that would leave her no choice but to resign ? could he be that manipulative ? he 'd tried to maneuver her about the money and stopping work altogether . in fact , from the moment sebastian had heard she was pregnant , he 'd launched in about her quitting her job-any job .	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she gripped the hem of her t-shirt and pulled up and over her head , leaving her in just her bra and panties . she stood for a moment , gauging his reaction , but all she saw was pure , unadulterated male appreciation . she was n't sure which should go next , bra or panties , so she mentally flipped a coin and the bra won . she reached behind her to grapple with the clasp , because was there anything less sexy than taking the straps down and then twisting it around to undo from the front ? the band popped free and the cups loosened , but she held them over her brsts for the barest of moments before allowing the straps to tumble down over her shoulders . then she let it fall to the floor as she lowered her arms . she could n't meet his stare now and instead looked down as she hooked her thumbs in the lacy band of her panties . with a little wiggle , she worked the underwear down her legs and let it fall . `` come here , '' he said in a sexy , husky voice . when she looked up there was a predatory gleam in garrett 's eyes . a look that told her she was his and he planned to lay claim . oh but she loved that look . no one had ever looked at her with such intensity . like he dared anyone to take what was his away . like he wanted to devour her in a single bite and savor the taste . he held up his hand to help her over the edge of the tub . she slid her fingers through his and stepped into the steaming water . as soon as it sluiced over her ankles , she moaned with the sheer pleasure of it . he tugged her forward , closer to him and then downward until she knelt , facing him , in the water between his thighs . he reached around to cup her neck and then pulled her down into his kiss . his other found the swell of her breast , cupped one and ran his thumb over her nipple . it hardened instantly , becoming a rigid , sensitive point . when he pulled away , they were both breathing hard . arousal glazed his eyes , and the pupils were flared , making his eyes more black than blue . `` turn around , '' he directed . she complied and he pulled her into the v of his legs until her back was melded to his chest and she was surrounded by him , enveloped by his touch and smell . `` we can use this for a while . '' she leaned farther into his embrace until they were both reclined , water lapping to their necks . his hands wandered lazily up and down her body , down her waist and then back up again , where he 'd cup her brsts and bring her nples to erect nubs . lulled by his light caresses , she closed her eyes and gave herself over to his touch and to the soothing hot water . his touch grew bolder , lowering to the juncture of her thighs , teasing the curls at the apex . her breath drew in painfully and she held it in anticipation as her body quivered-wanting and needing him to touch her more intimately . he was patient , drawing lazy circles , dipping down to run his fingers over the closed seam between her legs . she sighed and parted her thighs , wanting him to have easier access . slowly he worked one finger between her folds and rubbed lightly over her clit . she gasped and tensed as pleasure shot through her body , tingling and burning its way through her veins and to all her pleasure points . her brsts tightened and ached , wanting equal attention . `` lay your head back on my shoulder , '' he whispered . `` i want to see your face when i make you come . '' her head drooped back and she turned her face away as he nuzzled her neck . his fingers were magic , taking her up so close to her peak and then slowing and bringing her down until she was boneless in his arms . his middle finger slipped lower , circling her entrance before entering the barest of inches , teasing and stroking . when her breaths were coming fast and shallow , he went back to her clit , exerting just the right amount of pressure as he found her sweet spot . he licked her pulse point at her neck and then nipped lightly , his teeth grazing as goose bumps erupted over her flesh . `` come for me , sarah . right now in my arms . let go for me , baby . '' she twisted against him , arching into his hand as his fingers grew more insistent . he knew just how to touch her , just how hard to exert pressure and when to let off . as his mouth melted against her neck again , her orgasm flashed , quick and hard , exploding through her body . wave after wave of intense , mind-bending pleasure curled through her pelvis and spread through her limbs until she was mindless and limp . slowly she came back to awareness as he rained a trail of kisses over the curve of her shoulder . `` that was amazing , '' she murmured .	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["seams", 2936], ["seamest", 2936], ["sigh", 2966], ["sighest", 2966], ["sighed", 2966], ["part", 2977], ["parting", 2977], ["parted", 2977], ["easy", 3017], ["easier", 3017], ["access", 3024], ["accessest", 3024], ["slowly", 3033], ["finger", 3054], ["fold", 3072], ["folds", 3072], ["rub", 3083], ["rubbed", 3083], ["lightly", 3091], ["clit", 3105], ["clits", 3105], ["gasp", 3118], ["gasps", 3118], ["gasped", 3118], ["tense", 3129], ["tensed", 3129], ["shoot", 3146], ["shooted", 3146], ["shot", 3146], ["tingle", 3174], ["tingles", 3174], ["tingling", 3174], ["burn", 3186], ["burns", 3186], ["burning", 3186], ["way", 3194], ["ways", 3194], ["vein", 3212], ["veins", 3212], ["point", 3243], ["points", 3243], ["tighten", 3267], ["tightens", 3267], ["tightenest", 3267], ["tightened", 3267], ["ache", 3277], ["ached", 3277], ["equal", 3293], ["attention", 3303], ["shoulder", 3342], ["shouldered", 3342], ["whisper", 3360], ["whispered", 3360], ["see", 3379], ["face", 3389], ["droop", 3432], ["drooped", 3432], ["turn", 3452], ["turned", 3452], ["nuzzle", 3480], ["nuzzles", 3480], ["nuzzled", 3480], ["magic", 3514], ["close", 3539], ["peak", 3551], ["slow", 3568], ["slowing", 3568], ["bring", 3581], ["bringing", 3581], ["boneless", 3613], ["middle", 3638], ["middles", 3638], ["middling", 3638], ["slip", 3653], ["slipped", 3653], ["lower", 3659], ["lowers", 3659], ["lowerest", 3659], ["circle", 3670], ["circling", 3670], ["entrance", 3683], ["entrancing", 3683], ["enter", 3699], ["entering", 3699], ["inch", 3720], ["inches", 3720], ["stroke", 3743], ["stroking", 3743], ["breath", 3762], ["breathest", 3762], ["breaths", 3762], ["come", 3774], ["coming", 3774], ["fast", 3779], ["shallow", 3791], ["go", 3801], ["goest", 3801], ["went", 3801], ["exert", 3829], ["exerting", 3829], ["right", 3844], ["rightest", 3844], ["amount", 3851], ["pressure", 3863], ["pressured", 3863], ["sweet", 3885], ["spot", 3890], ["lick", 3902], ["licked", 3902], ["pulse", 3912], ["nip", 3946], 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`` the ... p*sy expert , '' i whispered , all but mouthing the p-word . his eyes widened , his steps faltering a bit . i stopped , bending to catch my breath . `` when would i ever have said i was the 'pussy expert ' ? '' `` do n't you remember telling us that ? you said jensen was good with the saying . you were good with the doing . and then you wiggled your eyebrows . '' `` that is horrifying . how in the world do you remember all this ? '' you were a nineteen-year-old hot friend of my brother who joked about sex in our house . you were practically a mythical creature . '' i shrugged , looking past him at the now-crowded trail . `` probably for the same reason . '' `` i do n't remember you being this funny , either . or this '' -he took a moment to covertly look me up and down- '' grown-up . '' he reached behind him , pulling his sweatshirt up and over his head . for a brief moment , his shirt underneath was pulled up with it , and a long stretch of his torso was exposed . i experienced a full-body clench at the sight of his flat stomach and the dark hair that trailed from his navel down into his shorts . his running pants hung low enough for me to see the carved lines of his hips , the enticing suggestion of man parts , and man legs and ... holy crap will sumner 's body was unreal . when he tugged the hem of his shirt back down , he broke my trance and i looked up to take in the rest of him , arms now bare below the short sleeves of his shirt . he scratched his neck , oblivious to the way my eyes moved over his forearm . i had a lot of memories of will from the summer he 'd lived with us while working for dad : sitting on the couch with him and jensen while we watched a movie , passing him in the hallway at night wearing nothing more than a towel around his hips , inhaling dinner at the kitchen table after a long day at the lab . but only from the evil influence of dark magic could i have forgotten about the tattoos . seeing them now , i could remember a bluebird near his shoulder , a mountain and the roots of a tree wrapped up in vines on his bicep . but some of these were new . swirls of ink formed a double helix down the center of one forearm , the etching of a phonograph peeked out from beneath his sleeve on the other . will had grown quiet and i looked up to find him smirking at me . `` sorry , '' i mumbled , smiling sheepishly . `` you have new ones . '' his tongue darted out to lick his lips , and we turned to start walking again . i would n't have them if i did n't want people to look . '' `` and it 's not weird ? with the business job and everything ? '' shrugging , he murmured , `` long sleeves , suit jackets . most people do n't know they 're there . '' the problem with what he said was it did n't make me think about the most people who remained ignorant to his tattoos . it made me wonder about the ones who knew each and every line of ink on his skin . the danger of will sumner , i reminded myself . everything he says sounds filthy , and now you 're thinking of him nakd. again . i blinked away , searching for a new topic . `` so what about your life ? '' he eyed me , wary . i acknowledged this with a smile . `` do you get to see your family often ? your mom and sisters are in washington , right ? '' i remembered that will had two much older sisters who both lived close to their mother . `` oregon , '' he corrected . `` and yes , a couple of times a year . '' he furrowed his brows as if he had n't quite understood what i 'd asked . after a moment he answered , `` no . '' his adorably confused reaction helped me forget how inappropriate my question had been . `` did you have to really think about it ? '' and no , there is no one i would introduce to you by saying , 'hey ziggy , this is so-and-so , my girlfriend. ' ? '' i hummed , studying him . `` what a very specific evasion . '' he pulled his hat from his head , running his fingers through his hair . it was damp with sweat and stuck up in a million directions . `` no one woman has caught your eye ? '' `` a few have . '' he turned his eyes on me , refusing to shrink from my interrogation . i remembered this about will ; he never felt the need to explain himself , but he did n't shy away from questions , either . clearly he was the same will he 'd always been : often with women , and never with just one .	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512], ["sex", 522], ["house", 535], ["practically", 558], ["mythical", 569], ["creature", 578], ["shrug", 594], ["shrugging", 594], ["shrugged", 594], ["look", 604], ["looking", 604], ["past", 609], ["trail", 638], ["probably", 652], ["reason", 672], ["reasonest", 672], ["funny", 719], ["either", 728], ["take", 750], ["took", 750], ["moment", 759], ["covertly", 771], ["look", 776], ["grow", 801], ["growest", 801], ["grown", 801], ["reach", 820], ["reached", 820], ["behind", 827], ["pull", 841], ["pulling", 841], ["sweatshirt", 856], ["head", 877], ["brief", 891], ["briefing", 891], ["shirt", 910], ["underneath", 921], ["pull", 932], ["pulled", 932], ["long", 956], ["longs", 956], ["stretch", 964], ["torso", 977], ["torsos", 977], ["expose", 989], ["exposed", 989], ["experience", 1005], ["experienced", 1005], ["full", 1012], ["body", 1017], ["bodied", 1017], ["clench", 1024], ["clenched", 1024], ["sight", 1037], ["sighted", 1037], ["flat", 1049], ["stomach", 1057], ["stomachs", 1057], ["stomaching", 1057], ["dark", 1070], ["hair", 1075], ["trail", 1088], ["trailed", 1088], ["navel", 1103], ["short", 1124], ["shorts", 1124], ["run", 1138], ["running", 1138], ["pant", 1144], ["pants", 1144], ["hung", 1149], ["hang", 1149], ["hangs", 1149], ["low", 1153], ["lowed", 1153], ["enough", 1160], ["see", 1174], ["carve", 1185], ["carved", 1185], ["line", 1191], ["lines", 1191], ["hip", 1203], ["hips", 1203], ["entice", 1218], ["enticing", 1218], ["suggestion", 1229], ["man", 1236], ["mans", 1236], ["manned", 1236], ["part", 1242], ["parting", 1242], ["parts", 1242], ["leg", 1257], ["legs", 1257], ["holy", 1270], ["crap", 1275], ["crapped", 1275], ["sumner", 1287], ["unreal", 1306], ["tug", 1323], ["tugging", 1323], ["tugged", 1323], ["hem", 1331], ["back", 1349], ["break", 1365], ["broke", 1365], ["trance", 1375], ["look", 1388], ["looked", 1388], ["take", 1399], ["rest", 1411], ["arm", 1425], ["arms", 1425], ["bare", 1434], ["short", 1450], ["sleeve", 1458], ["sleeving", 1458], ["sleeves", 1458], ["scratch", 1486], ["scratched", 1486], ["scratching", 1486], ["neck", 1495], ["necked", 1495], ["oblivious", 1507], ["way", 1518], ["ways", 1518], ["move", 1532], ["moved", 1532], ["forearm", 1549], ["lot", 1563], ["memory", 1575], ["memories", 1575], ["summer", 1599], ["summering", 1599], ["live", 1611], ["lived", 1611], ["work", 1633], ["wrought", 1633], ["working", 1633], ["dad", 1641], ["sat", 1651], ["sit", 1651], ["sitting", 1651], ["couch", 1664], ["couchest", 1664], ["watch", 1701], ["watched", 1701], ["movie", 1709], ["pass", 1719], ["passing", 1719], ["hallway", 1738], ["hallways", 1738], ["night", 1747], ["wear", 1755], ["wearing", 1755], ["nothing", 1763], ["towel", 1781], ["towels", 1781], ["toweled", 1781], ["towelled", 1781], ["around", 1788], ["inhale", 1808], ["inhaling", 1808], ["dinner", 1815], ["kitchen", 1830], ["kitchens", 1830], ["table", 1836], ["tabled", 1836], ["tabling", 1836], ["day", 1853], ["lab", 1864], ["labs", 1864], ["evil", 1889], ["evils", 1889], ["evilest", 1889], ["influence", 1899], ["magic", 1913], ["forget", 1936], ["forgot", 1936], ["forgotten", 1936], ["tattoo", 1954], ["tattoos", 1954], ["tattooing", 1954], ["see", 1963], ["seeing", 1963], ["bluebird", 2002], ["near", 2007], ["shoulder", 2020], ["shouldered", 2020], ["mountain", 2033], ["root", 2047], ["roots", 2047], ["tree", 2057], ["treed", 2057], ["treeing", 2057], ["wrap", 2065], ["wraps", 2065], ["wrapping", 2065], ["wrapped", 2065], ["vine", 2077], ["vines", 2077], ["bicep", 2090], ["biceps", 2090], ["new", 2119], ["swirl", 2128], ["swirls", 2128], ["swirlest", 2128], ["ink", 2135], ["form", 2142], ["formest", 2142], ["formed", 2142], ["double", 2151], ["helix", 2157], ["helixes", 2157], ["center", 2173], ["etching", 2202], ["phonograph", 2218], ["phonographs", 2218], ["peek", 2225], ["peeks", 2225], ["peeked", 2225], ["beneath", 2242], ["sleeve", 2253], ["sleeving", 2253], ["quiet", 2289], ["find", 2313], ["smirk", 2326], ["smirking", 2326], ["sorry", 2343], ["mumble", 2358], ["mumbles", 2358], ["mumbled", 2358], ["smile", 2368], ["smiling", 2368], ["sheepishly", 2379], ["tongue", 2418], ["tonguing", 2418], ["dart", 2425], ["darted", 2425], ["lick", 2437], ["lip", 2446], ["lipped", 2446], ["lips", 2446], ["turn", 2462], ["turned", 2462], ["start", 2471], ["walk", 2479], ["walking", 2479], ["people", 2534], ["weird", 2570], ["business", 2590], ["job", 2594], ["jobbing", 2594], ["everything", 2609], ["murmur", 2638], ["murmurest", 2638], ["murmured", 2638], ["suit", 2663], ["suited", 2663], ["jacket", 2671], ["jacketed", 2671], ["jackets", 2671], ["know", 2697], ["knowest", 2697], ["problem", 2729], ["think", 2776], ["thinkest", 2776], ["remain", 2811], ["remained", 2811], ["ignorant", 2820], ["ignorantest", 2820], ["wonder", 2855], ["wonderest", 2855], ["know", 2879], ["knowest", 2879], ["knew", 2879], ["every", 2894], ["line", 2899], ["skin", 2918], ["danger", 2931], ["remind", 2959], ["reminded", 2959], ["say", 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`` but one summer my parents made me take a workshop with this old angel who knew how , okay ? '' `` and the way you were doing it ? was n't even close . you really scared me , luce . '' shelby and miles were acting like she 'd betrayed them by coming out here alone . `` i thought you guys were going to the camp re behind the lodge . '' `` we thought you were going , '' shelby shot back . `` we were there for a while , but then jasmine started crying about how dawn had disappeared , and the teachers got all weird , especially when they realized you were missing too , so the party kinda broke up . so then i mention casually to miles that i kind of sort of have an idea what you might be up to and that i 'm o to nd you and suddenly he 's mr. superglue -- '' miles that i kind of sort of have an idea what you might be up to and that i 'm o to nd you and suddenly he 's mr. superglue -- '' `` wait a minute , '' luce broke in . `` dawn disappeared ? '' `` probably not , '' miles o ered . `` i mean , you know how she and jasmine are . they 're just ighty . '' `` but it was her party , '' luce said . `` she would n't miss her own party . '' `` that was what jasmine kept saying , '' miles o ered . `` she did n't come to the room last night , and was n't at mess this morning , so nally frankie and steven instructed us all to go back to the dorms , but -- '' `` twenty bucks says dawn 's mugging down with some non-neph greaseball in the woods around here . '' luce had a bad feeling about this . dawn had been so excited about the camp re . she 'd ordered t-shirts online even though there was no way in the world she 'd be able to convince any of the nephilim kids to wear them . she would n't just disappear -- not of her own volition . when the three of them came out of the woods , luce was even more shaken up . and not just about dawn . she was shaken by what she 'd seen in the announcer . watching death close in on her former self was agony , and this was the rst time she had seen it . daniel , on the other hand , had had to watch it hundreds of times . only now could she understand why he 'd been so cold to her when they rst met : to save them both the trauma of going through another gruesome death . the reality of daniel 's plight began to overwhelm her , and she was desperate to see him . crossing the lawn to the dorm , luce had to shade her eyes . powerful ashlights were sweeping over the campus . a helicopter droned in the distance , its searchlight tracing the shoreline , sweeping back and forth along the beach . a wide line of men in dark uniforms walked along the path from the nephilim lodge to the mess hall , slowly scanning the ground . miles said , `` that 's standard formation for search parties . form a line and leave no inch of ground uncovered . '' `` oh god , '' luce said under her breath . `` she really is missing . '' shelby winced . `` not good karma . '' luce broke into a jog toward the nephilim lodge . miles and shelby followed . the path , decked with owers and so pretty in the daylight , now looked overgrown with shadow . ahead of them , the camp re in the pit had faded to glowing embers , but all the lights were on at the lodge , inside each of the two stories , and all around the deck . the great a-frame building was ablaze and looked formidable in the dark night . luce could see the scared faces of a lot of the nephilim kids who were sitting on the benches around the deck . jasmine was crying , her red knit cap tugged low on her head . she was holding lilith 's sti hand for support as two cops with notebooks ran through a bunch of questions . luce 's heart went out to the girl . she knew how horri c that process could be . the cops swarmed around the deck , passing out blown-up black-and-white photocopies of a recent photograph of dawn that someone had printed o the internet . glancing down at the low-resolution image , luce was surprised to see how much dawn did resemble her -- at least , before she 'd dyed her hair . she remembered talking the morning after she 'd done it , how dawn kept joking about their not being twinkies anymore . luce covered her gasp with her hand . her head hurt as she began to add up so many things that had n't made sense . the awful moment on the life raft . steven 's harsh warning about keeping it a secret .	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the rain misted his hair and small droplets ran down the sides of his face . `` i told you that i wouldna ask for anything that ye dinna wish to tell me . yes , i promise . '' you should n't be standing on that foot so long . '' we made our way to the wall where the overhanging slates of the roof sheltered a small dry patch of pavement , and settled ourselves comfortably , backs against the wall . `` all right , sassenach . `` the duke of sandringham , '' i said . `` jamie , do n't trust him . i do n't know everything about him myself , but i do know-there 's something about him . `` you mean you know about him already ? perhaps the mysterious links between sandringham and the jacobite cause were much better known than frank and the vicar had thought . he was here , visiting , when i was sixteen . when i ... left . '' i was curious , remembering suddenly what geillis duncan had said when first i 'd met her in the wood . the odd rumor that jamie was the real father of colum 's son hamish . i knew myself that he was n't , could n't have been-but i was quite possibly the only person in the castle who did know . a suspicion of that sort could easily have led to dougal 's earlier attempt on jamie 's life-if in fact that 's what the attack at carryarick had been . `` it was n't because of ... the lady letitia , was it ? '' `` letitia ? '' his startled astonishment was plain , and something inside me that i had n't known was clenched suddenly relaxed . i had n't really thought there was anything to geilie 's supposition , but still ... . `` what on earth makes ye mention letitia ? '' `` i lived at the castle for a year , and had speech of her maybe once that i remember , when she called me to her chamber and gave me the raw side of her tongue for leading a game of shinty through her rose garden . '' i told him what geilie had said , and he laughed , breath misting in the cool , rainy air . `` god , '' he said , `` as though i 'd have the nerve ! '' `` you do n't think colum suspected any such thing , do you ? '' `` no , i do n't , sassenach . if he had any inkling of such a thing , i wouldna have lived to be seventeen , let alone achieve the ripe old age of three-and-twenty . '' this more or less confirmed my own impression of colum , but i was relieved , nonetheless . jamie 's expression had grown thoughtful , blue eyes suddenly remote . `` come to think on it , though , i do n't know that colum does know why i left the castle so sudden , then . and if geillis duncan is goin ' about the place spreading such rumors-that woman 's a troublemaker , sassenach ; a gossip and a scold , if not the witch folk say she is-well , i 'd best see that he finds out , then . '' he glanced up at the sheet of water pouring from the eaves . `` perhaps we 'd best go down , sassenach . it 's getting a wee bit damp out . '' we took a different way down , crossing the roof to an outer stairway that led down to the kitchen gardens , where i wanted to pull a bit of borage , if the downpour would let me . we sheltered under the wall of the castle , one of the jutting window ledges diverting the rain above . `` what do ye do wi ' borage , sassenach ? '' jamie asked with interest , looking out at the straggly vines and plants , beaten to the earth by the rain . `` when it 's green , nothing . first you dry it , and then- '' i was interrupted by a terrific noise of barking and shouting , coming from outside the garden wall . i raced through the downpour toward the wall , followed more slowly by jamie , limping . father bain , the village priest , was running up the path , puddles exploding under his feet , pursued by a yelping pack of dogs . hampered by his voluminous soutane , the priest tripped and fell , water and mud flying in spatters all around him . in a moment , the dogs were upon him , growling and snapping . a blur of plaid vaulted over the wall next to me , and jamie was among them , laying about with his stick and shouting in gaelic , adding his voice to the general racket . if the shouts and curses had little effect , the stick had more . there were sharp yelps as the club struck hairy flesh , and gradually the pack retreated , finally turning and galloping off in the direction of the village .	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`` it should n't take more than two days , '' he said in a voice so quiet tully knew she was n't supposed to be able to hear . `` we 'll be back before you can miss us . '' `` it 'll feel like longer , '' kate said . `` come on , mommy , '' marah said sharply . right , aunt tully ? '' `` give your mom a kiss goodbye , '' johnny said . marah dutifully went to kate and kissed her . kate held her daughter until she started to squirm , then let her go . tully felt a clutch of jealousy at their intimacy ; they were such a beautiful family . johnny led marah out to the car and began loading their suitcases into the back . tully looked at kate . `` you 'll be here , right ? in case i need to call ? '' `` i 'm always here , tully . that 's why they call it being an at-home mom . '' tully glanced down at her stuff . on top was a pile of notes she 'd taken in the most recent phone conversation with her lawyer . it was a list of the last addresses they had for cloud . she grabbed her bag and went out to the car . when they reached the end of the driveway , she twisted around in her seat . there was kate , still standing at the front door , with two little boys hanging on to her , waving goodbye . their first stop , only two hours later , was at a mobile home park in fall city . cloud 's last known address . but her mother had apparently moved out a week ago and no one yet had a forwarding address . the man they spoke to thought cloud had moved to a campground in issaquah . for the next six hours they drove from place to place , following leads-tully , johnny , marah , and a cameraman who called himself fat bob for good reason . at every stop , they filmed a segment of tully talking to people at the various campgrounds and communes . several people knew who cloud was , but no one seemed to know where to find her . they went from issaquah to cle elem to ellensburg . they were finishing a late night dinner in north bend when fred called with a report that cloud 's last monthly check had been cashed at a bank on vashon island . `` we could have been there in an hour , '' johnny muttered . `` you think we 'll find her ? '' tully asked , pouring sugar into her coffee . it was the first time they 'd been alone all day . fat bob was in the van and marah had just gone to the restroom . `` i think we ca n't make people love us . '' `` including our parents ? '' `` especially our parents . '' she felt a hint of their old connection again . they 'd had that in common , she recalled . lonely childhoods . `` what 's it like , johnny , being loved ? '' `` that 's not the question you want to ask . you want to know what it 's like to love someone . '' he gave her a grin that made him look like a kid again . `` besides yourself , i mean . '' `` i need new friends . '' `` i wo n't pull back , you know . you better be okay with that . you 've got me on this story now . the camera will be there , seeing all of it . if you want to back out , this is the time . '' `` that 's what i 'm telling you , tully . i 'll follow the story . like you did in germany . '' friendship ended when the story rolled ; it was an axiom of journalism . `` just try to shoot me from the left . it 's my good side . '' johnny smiled and paid the bill . `` go get marah . if we hurry , we might be able to catch the last ferry . '' in fact , they missed the last ferry and ended up sleeping in three rooms in a run-down hotel near the dock . the next morning tully woke with a pounding headache that no amount of aspirin could tame . still , she got dressed and put on her makeup and ate breakfast at some greasy spoon diner that fat bob recommended . by nine in the morning they were on the ferry , headed to a berry-growing commune on vashon island . every step of the way , every mile driven , the camera was on tully . as she interviewed the tellers at the bank where the last check was cashed and showed the old and creased picture of her mother-the only photo she had of her-she maintained her smile . it was n't until almost ten o'clock when they pulled up to the sunshine farms sign that she began to lose her grip . the commune was like others she 'd seen : long , rolling acres covered in crops , shaggy-looking people dressed in the modern-day equivalent of sackcloth and ashes , rows of sani-cans . the main difference was the housing .	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instead of answering harriets question , susan lunged toward the older woman , grabbing for the gun and using the weight of her body to force harriet to the ground . the sergeant stood by his car in the summerses driveway talking on the radio , summoning reinforcements for a search party . he couldnt use civilians or elicit help from the camps , as he believed harriet was armed and possibly dangerous . he had already ordered anderson to return to the stationhe was off the case ; he couldnt risk a conflict of interest . he was just getting off the radio when he heard ita gun shot . the sound reverberated through the mountains . that sounded like a gun , brandon said in a panic . without a second thought , he got into the passengers seat of the sheriffs car as grant got into the drivers seat . they raced out of the driveway and headed in the direction where they believed the sound may have come from . brandon spotted them firsttwo women stumbling down the highway , each covered in mud . he didnt see any gun , and it appeared susan , who had a noticeable limp , was helping the older woman walk . they looked like a couple of drunks . the moment the sergeant noticed the pair , he turned on the siren and raced in their direction , bringing the vehicle to an abrupt stop less than a yard away from the women . the sergeant had already drawn his gun when two sheriffs deputies cars arrived on the scene and parked nearby . its in my back pocket , susan explained , putting her hip out a bit so the sergeant could retrieve the gun . grant reached over and snatched the firearm from susans pocket . brandon took hold of susan as the sergeant took harriet into his custody and placed her in the back seat of one of the other sheriffs cars . susan slumped against brandon , closing her eyes as he held her in his arms . he whispered , holding her tight . i was scared as hell , and my ankle hurts again . but , yeah , i think i am okay . when grant returned to her , she reached into her pocket , pulled out several bullets , and handed them to him . susan , this is sergeant grant , brandon introduced . harriet figured out i took sarahs hair from her house . she surprised me by the parking lot when i returned from brandons . she had a gun , searched my purse and pockets . when i didnt have it , she started freaking out , realizing id probably left it with brandon . she wasnt sure what she wanted to do , so she made me go with her while she figured it out . she started ranting . not really making sense . we were near the cutout to the highway , and i knew i had to do something . i couldnt go with her into the forest . i asked her if we could slow down a little because of my ankle . when she leaned over to look at it i well , i grabbed for the gun . in the struggle , it went off . you could have been shot , brandon said as his face went ashen . i didnt even think about it ; i just reacted . the gun went off , and then she really freaked out . after i got the gun , i took the bullets out and , wellhere we are . she didnt try to get it back from you ? at that point , it wasnt difficult to get her to come with me . i think the gun going off well , something inside her seemed to snap . swaying gently , the aluminum fishing boat kept its place in the bay , secured by the anchor brandon had tossed into the water just minutes earlier . cushions , which doubled as life preservers , made the bench seats bearable for the two anglers . as promised , brandon baited susans hook . however , she was more curious about the contents of the wicker picnic box than what was happening to her pole . it sat forgotten , leaning against the inside wall of the small boat , its line in the water . you know , some fish is going to grab your bait and steal your pole , brandon teased as he reeled in his line before casting again . did you see what your sister put in here ? susan asked , clearly not concerned with her fishing pole as she rummaged through the picnic basket . i know she made chicken . fried chicken homemade ! oh , it looks so good . potato salad and what is this , chocolate cake ? kit likes to cook , brandon said with a shrug . that lady knows how to put together a picnic . susan closed the basket and set it on the floor of the boat . she looked over at brandon . it really was sweet of her to do this for us . i told her we were going on our first real date , and after i mentioned where i intended to take you , she offered to put the basket together . i was really expecting peanut butter sandwiches . susan got up from her bench seat and moved to where brandon was sitting , taking her fishing pole and cushion with her . before sitting next to him , she set the cushion on the bench . this is nice , isnt it ?	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maybe they could just have something for a while . `` he 's not being faithful to you , '' anna said , as if she could see the wheels in tam 's head turning . and most likely she could . `` he ca n't be faithful to you . he 'll never change . '' `` i do n't care about that , '' tam said . and she really did n't . she was too old for that silliness . over the past several years , there had n't been many moments where she 'd felt completely disconnected from her friend , but this was one of them . how could she explain her general lack of jealousy ? she 'd been like this for a few centuries now . jealousy seemed so stupid once enough living time had passed and you 'd settled into life in a way a seventy-year lifespan did n't allow . average humans saw things in terms of forever when they could n't even properly conceptualize that term and `` til death do us part '' . but when death never really came for you , as it did for all your lovers , you saw each encounter as more temporary , and the possessiveness and clinging stopped making sense . if she had something with cain , they 'd have it until they did n't , whether or not he was feeding from other women . she looked up to see that anna was still waiting for a real answer . `` look , anna , you just ca n't tie somebody down like that . if they want to be with you , they do . if they want to be with you and other people , you can choose to accept it or walk away . i just want somebody who is there , someone who ca n't die on me . i do n't care what else they 're doing . '' if cain mated with her , it would be only her : it was the price the demon paid . but it was a price cain never would pay . it was nice to know she 'd have the option to break the cycle and get out of all this-that she and the demon could have something that did n't have to be everything . then they could part and go along their separate courses . though their blood had mingled , she did n't think he 'd ever go through with it . that had been a weird crazy moment . from what anna had described of the incubus-human mating ritual , there was no way to do the real thing accidentally . there was no way she 'd ever be doing that with cain . could she be his part-time concubine ? yes , without question . but anna would n't understand . she was too different in this way . this is just lust . if you 're not jealous ... if you could share him and not have a problem with it , it ca n't be love . '' `` possession and restriction are n't love . '' if her pride was n't in the way , she 'd ask cain to keep her . he might do it if he knew she would n't tie him down or restrict him . he could still be the badass glutton hunting and feeding like always . she did n't want him to give up who he was . she just wanted a constant in her life . maybe he could feel the same way . maybe they 'd have a chance to talk about it when this was over . `` can i at least take this to mean you do n't have a death wish anymore ? '' `` i think i could stick around a little longer . '' when cain finally did get tired of her , and her of him , he could take her out for real and let her start over . she wanted it to be him when the time came . *** cain had n't spoken a word to jane or cole as he 'd followed them out of the demon dimension and back into the human world to the hive where the cary town wolf pack lived . he was too lost in thought . despite his feigned anger , he was glad he and tam had been interrupted . he was out of good answers for why he kept missing opportunities to kill her . when he 'd lost control and taken too much , he 'd backed off just soon enough to save her . the fear he 'd felt in that moment dwarfed any emotion he 'd ever felt . he did n't want to examine that . the longer he could stay in denial , the happier he 'd be . by the time she 'd come around , he 'd gotten himself under control enough to give nothing of his emotional state away . he just did n't want her gone . it was okay not to be bored with someone in a week . he was n't bored with his brother . he was n't bored with his friendships with daria and jackson . why should it be so strange that a woman who shared his bed could interest him in a long lasting way ? and if she did , was n't that a good thing ?	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luckily , i also like to play , so it works out . so ... the sheets and pillows are for you , and ... `` `` i 'm fine , '' i said . it 's really nice of you to let me stay . '' `` like i said , it 's no problem . '' he turned to go but stopped halfway up the stairs . `` hey , '' he said , `` i 'm sorry if i was kind of a dick earlier , when we were walking . it was just ... `` `` walking in the storm , '' i said . it was cold ; we were grouchy . he looked like he was about to say something else but simply nodded and started back up the stairs . i heard him reach the top , then back down a few . he peered through the top rails . `` merry christmas , '' he added , before disappearing . this is when it really hit me . my eyes filled up . i missed noah . these people had done all they could , but they were n't my family . stuart was n't my boyfriend . i lay there for a long time , twisting on the sofa , listening to a dog snoring somewhere upstairs ( i think it was the dog ) , watching two hours burn away on the very loud ticky-ticky clock . my phone was in my coat pocket , so i went searching for where my clothes had been stashed . i found them in the laundry room . the coat had been hung up over a heating vent . apparently , my phone had n't liked being completely submerged in cold water . no wonder i had n't heard from him . there was a phone on the kitchen counter . i quietly crept out and took it from the cradle and dialed noah 's number . he sounded very confused when he answered . his voice was tired and deep . `` three in the morning , '' i said . `` you never called back . '' assorted snuffling noises , as he tried to clear his thoughts . it was busy all night . you know my mom and the smorgasbord . i 'll call you as soon as we finish opening gifts . '' i had braved the biggest storm of the year-many years-i had fallen into a frozen creek , and my parents were imprisoned ... and he still could n't talk to me ? but ... he had had a long night , and it seemed a waste to force my story on him when he was half asleep . people ca n't really sympathize with you properly when you 've woken them up , and i needed him at 100 percent for this . i climbed back into my cave of blankets and pillows . they had a strong , unfamiliar smell . not bad-just a very strong detergent that i 'd never smelled before . sometimes , i just did n't get noah . sometimes i even felt like he dated me as part of his plan , like they were going to have a checklist on the application , and one of the things to tick off was going to be , `` do you have a reasonably intelligent girlfriend who shares your aspirations , and who is fully prepared to accept your limited availability ? one who likes to listen to you talk about your own accomplishments for hours at a time ? '' this was fear and cold talking . this was being in a strange place away from my family . this was stress over the fact that my parents had been arrested in a riot for ceramic houses . and if i just slept , my brain would go back to normal . i closed my eyes and felt the world swirling with snow . i was dizzy for a moment , and slightly nauseous , and then i was fast , fast asleep , dreaming of waffle sandwiches and cheerleaders doing splits on the tables . chapter eight morning came in the form of a five-year-old leaping onto my stomach . my eyes popped open from the force . `` i 'm rachel ! '' stop jumping on her ! this was stuart 's mom 's voice . rachel was a highly freckled mini-stuart with incredibly bed-messy hair and a huge smile . she smelled vaguely of cheerios , and she needed a bath . debbie was right there as well , nursing a cup of coffee while she switched on the flobie santa village . stuart stepped out from the direction of the kitchen . i hate it when i wake up to find that people have been creeping around me and have seen me asleep . unfortunately , it happens to me a lot . i can sleep like a champion . i once slept through a smoke alarm going off . `` we 're going to put off opening our presents , '' debbie said . `` so this morning , we can all just have something to eat and have a nice talk ! '' this was clearly for my benefit , as there were no gifts for me . rachel 's face looked like it was going to split in two , like a piece of overripe fruit . stuart looked to his mother , as if asking if this was really a good idea .	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`` he 's gay , '' preston said so softly it was almost inaudible . as if he had struck her , diandra stepped back from him . `` your son is gay . he and tucker were n't just roommates . they were lovers . '' you 're making that up to get back at me for julian . '' sam was pleased that diandra seemed to have completely forgotten where she was and who was listening . this was even better than she 'd hoped . across the room , she met nick 's glance and was relieved to see that some of the rigidity had left his posture as he realized what was unfolding in front of him . `` i did n't want to , '' preston sobbed . `` i did n't want to do it , but you said julian would ruin everything if he went before congress and told the world he was a gay man . you said we could n't let that happen . so when austin told me dev was gay , too , i just did what i thought you 'd want me to do . '' `` you shot devon , dad ? '' austin asked in a dull , flat tone . he stepped through the doorway , having obviously followed his mother from the hospital to hq . uh-oh , sam thought . he had n't been part of the plan . `` mom 's book is coming out . '' preston fumbled over his words . `` she 's getting her own show . she 's worked so hard . everything she 's ever wanted is finally within reach . i could n't let them ruin it for her . she was afraid they 'd ruin it for her . '' `` i never said anything about devon ! '' diandra repeatedly slapped preston 's face . austin grabbed her from behind , pulling her off his father . for god 's sake , mom . has n't he done enough for you ? have n't we all done enough ? '' preston descended into broken-hearted sobs . `` i 've certainly heard enough . '' sam stepped out of the crowd and nodded to freddie who cuffed diandra . she cried , fighting him . `` i did n't shoot anyone . i was with you when he shot devon ! `` mrs. sinclair , you 're under arrest for accessory to the murder of julian sinclair , '' freddie said . realization seemed to settle on diandra all of a sudden . `` you fucking bitch , '' she seethed at sam . `` you motherfucking bitch ! '' `` you have the right to an attorney , '' freddie continued . `` if you can not afford an attorney , one will be appointed to you . do you understand these rights as they have been read to you ? '' sam turned to preston . `` mr. sinclair , you 're under arrest for the first-degree murder of your brother , julian sinclair , for the attempted murder of your son , devon sinclair , and for the murder of tucker farrell . '' she repeated the miranda warning as freddie cuffed him . `` do you understand these rights as they have been read to you ? '' `` yes , ma'am , '' preston said wearily . he was so defeated that sam felt her heart go out to a murderer for the first time in her career . `` detectives cruz and gonzales , please escort mr. and mrs. sinclair to central booking . '' after they were gone , with diandra shrieking and fighting the whole way , sam turned to austin . `` i just ca n't believe he shot dev , '' he said , the shock echoing through his voice . `` she had him so under her control that he honestly thought that 's what she 'd want . '' sam rested her hand on his arm . `` your brother needs you to be strong for him . if he recovers , he 'll need you to help him through this as well as the loss of tucker . '' austin seemed to make an enormous effort to shake off the stupor . i 'll see about getting an attorney for my dad . '' austin fixed cold eyes on the doorway into which his parents had been taken . `` she 's on her own . '' `` thank you for getting justice for my uncle and my brother and tucker . in a million years , i never could 've imagined that my parents were involved , but with hindsight i should 've known my mother had something to do with it . `` you had no reason to suspect either of them was capable of this . go on back to your brother , austin . that 's where you need to be right now . '' he nodded and turned to leave . nick stepped up to her and put his arm around her . sam leaned gratefully into his embrace . with his good arm , he took the coat captain malone handed him and the two of them got her into it .	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more than that , it seemed so right to hold her . he savored these moments , treasured them . he yearned to tilt her face toward his , to lower his mouth to hers , but he did n't want grace to turn to him in grief . when they kissed again , he wanted it to be in discovery . in mutual passion . in shared affection . the front door opened suddenly , which shocked them both . grace jerked away and inhaled sharply . `` kelly ... '' her youngest daughter stood in the room , holding tyler in a baby carrier , her eyes huge and angry . `` kelly , this is cliff harding , the man i told you i was seeing , '' grace said , recovering quickly . she left the sofa and crouched down to look at her grandson . little tyler was sound asleep . `` your mother invited me to lunch , '' cliff added , wanting it understood that he had n't stopped by without a reason . kelly remained tense , standing there , glaring at them both . `` please , sweetheart , sit down . '' although her daughter was clearly furious , grace remained courteous . kelly did as her mother asked , but reluctantly . `` why did n't you tell me about maryellen ? '' `` it was n't my decision not to tell you . it was maryellen 's . '' `` my own sister is pregnant , and i 'm kept entirely in the dark ? '' this was news to cliff , too , but now did n't seem the time to mention it . `` i suggest you take this up with maryellen , '' grace said . `` the last thing i want to do is get between the two of you . i will say that i did n't agree with maryellen , but the choice was hers . '' `` she told you , though . '' kelly 's hurt was evident . `` she did n't trust me ? she left me to figure it out for myself , like ... like i do n't matter ? '' `` i 'm sorry , but it was your sister 's choice , '' grace repeated . `` how many other people know ? am i the only one who does n't ? '' `` i guessed she was pregnant , '' grace admitted . `` she did n't tell me voluntarily . '' cliff could see that grace and her daughter needed to talk , and his being there was n't helping . `` why do n't i leave for a while ? '' grace reached for his hand and gazed up at him , her eyes appealing . `` give us an hour , '' she said . cliff nodded , and after bidding kelly farewell , he headed for the front door . he was n't halfway out when he heard kelly tear into her mother . `` how could you date again ? '' `` we do n't know what 's happened to dad and already you 've got yourself a boyfriend . i ca n't believe you 'd do such a thing . first maryellen keeps her pregnancy from me , and then i learn my mother has a few secrets of her own . what 's happened to our family ? nothing 's been right since daddy left . then it sounded as though kelly burst into tears . sunday afternoon , olivia stood inside the main terminal of sea-tacairport , awaiting her brother 's arrival . she glanced at her watch ; will 's flight was due at three o'clock and she had plenty of time . after several telephone conversations , it was agreed that he 'd fly in for their mother 's surgery , which was scheduled first thing the following morning . olivia had a good relationship with her older brother . they 'd kept in frequent touch through the years , and he 'd lent a willing ear during that terrible summer back in 1986 . will had been as shocked as olivia when stan remarried so quickly following the divorce . lately , though , it seemed that with their busy careers , brother and sister spoke less often . they 'd started e-mailing each other , but usually those e-mails were just a means of passing along jokes , news articles and statistics ; they conveyed little that was personal . charlotte 's cancer had badly shaken olivia . her mother had always been healthy , vigorous , full of energy . in the last few months , she 'd watched charlotte decline right before her eyes , but she 'd been so caught up in her own life that she had n't realized the seriousness of what was happening . she 'd attributed her mother 's growing frailty to old age . at precisely the time he was expected , will came through the secure section of the airport . when he saw her , his eyes lit up and she walked into his warm embrace . `` you 're as beautiful as ever , '' he said . `` and you always were a liar , '' she returned . already she felt better , knowing that will would be with her on monday . `` how 's georgia ? 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she adjusted caseys feet , legs and then gently set her arms . suck this part in and lift . chin raised . widen your shoulder blades slightly . and pretend theres a cord lengthening your spine upwards , pulling you . feels so stiff , casey said . only at the beginning . with practice it turns into strength and elasticity . then it feels great . looked like you did this . casey tossed off her own crude version of amandas little variation . what you did isnt easy . lets see you try this . amanda started giving her one move after the next , and the sullen cloud that had been hanging over the girl seemed to lift . casey giggled and opened up , telling her about sports she played and even about a boy she liked . best of all , casey immersed herself in the movement in a way that amanda recognized because shed felt that same exhilaration herself . regardless of her lack of training , casey didnt just mimic the moves , she danced them . this girl has it . shes a natural born dancer . the front door buzzer surprised them both . russ greeted them and immediately took in their ebullient mood . when casey ran to get her coat from the office , he moved in closer to amanda . shaking his head in amazement , he said , i havent seen that kid smile in a long time . her fathers dying of cancer and her moms so broke up she went back to the bottle . casey returned . ten sharp . amanda turned her head at a trickling sound . do i hear water running ? the three of them walked to the rear storeroom where a healthy rush of water was streaming from the faucet in the utility sink . thats odd , amanda said . i dont remember either one of us coming back here this afternoon . but this is a pretty old fixture . either that or im losing it . casey said , isnt there a story about some lady who once lived here a real long time ago and who still kind of hangs around ? amanda waved off her suggestion . oh , casey , youve been watching too many of those paranormal shows . right , russ ? * saturday morning , parker drove his fathers 4x4 into the gentillianos sprawling country estate on a bluff overlooking long island sound . theyd been customers of richardsons landscape gardening and lawn care for three years and he didnt want to lose them . even though parkers father had begun taking him along on certain jobs and teaching him the business back when he was fourteen , running it by himself was a challenge . parker had hoped to graduate high school this june . but by the time his senior year began in september , marty richardson no longer had the strength to get out of bed . as marty lay weak and dying , his distraught wifes alcohol problem came roaring back , getting her fired from the low paying jobs she managed to get . leaving only parker to care for his mother , casey and jenna . as he used his chain saw on a tree that had fallen in the last windstorm and then began splitting the logs for firewood , parker ignored the pretty face watching him from the distant window of the grand house . for the past three years he gladly gave up his saturdays to work here with his father in hopes of catching a glimpse of tanya gentilliano . he used to pray she would smile at him or say hello . but tanya would never give this local gardeners son the time of day . he was just part of the help , an insignificant character in the background at the gentillianos weekend getaway house . not when his world had grown so raw and perilous . which was why he merely went about his work instead of responding to her usual game of parading about , then snubbing him the instant their eyes met . ironically , that only made tanya turn up the dial , going out of her way to make sure parker paid her the props shed grown used to receiving . like now as she posed beneath a cluster of trees that bordered the clearing where parker worked . did you know we have a place on sixty-fourth and park ? coolest part of manhattan . i dont the like the city . the other night i went to this party at a friends . she lives in a penthouse overlooking central park . the view is like so incredible . she tilted her head , studying parker . you dont like the city . parker lifted another piece wood and set it on the stump . he shouldered his axe and turned to tanya . better move back a ways . these things have a tendency to explode . tanya stepped further off to the side . am i safe now , big guy ? he nodded , straight-faced . then in one swift motion slung his axe down through the center of the log , splitting it in half , and sending each section sailing off the side . tanya clapped . betchya i could do that . mind if i take a shot ?	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his sons mistakes . what a father this man was . she already knew it , based on his interactions with marianne and stella . but it was easy to be a good parent to a good child . it took a truly remarkable person to be a good and loyal parent to a child whod made so many mistakes . she heard his voice from the other room , wrapping up the conversation . then he popped back into the great room . hey , you want to get out of here a bit ? go on a drive ? she stood up , smoothing out her shorts with her palms . that was someone ive done some work for . he wants to show me something else i can do for him . or , i could go home . i dont want to interrupt your business . id be honored if you went with me . and it should only take a few minutes . they locked the house and climbed into hanks pickup . it was a short drive through residential streets and they pulled up in front of a moderate house that looked about forty years old . hank slipped his hand into hers as they walked to the front door and leslie realized she was coming to love how comfortable it felt when he did things like that . a man in his late thirties answered the door . talk about customer service . you didnt need to drop everything the minute i called , hank . but his smile said he was glad he had . i had plans this evening , but i brought them along with me . he planted a happy smile on leslie . this is my friend leslie . leslie , this is bob . leslie murmured a greeting , then they went into the house . it was in pristine shape inside . the living room was welcoming and friendly , decorated in a beach cottage theme . the walls blue , the wooden furniture painted a shabby-chic white , the walls covered with beach-themed paintings and paraphernalia . an adjoining dining room was more formal , an oak table , chairs and china cabinet , the walls displaying portraits of bob with a striking blond woman posing in front of various travel destinations : the eiffel tower , the grand canyon , times square . bob said , next on marthas list is the hallway bathroom . the bathroom was cramped and in need of modernization . the sink and vanity , as well as the commode , appeared original to the house . bob showed hank some pictures cut out of a catalog . she likes this countertop , and this ceramic sink . does that go together ? marthas got excellent taste . she makes my job easy . im relieved to hear you say that . shes out buying the stuff now . if she knew i invited you over , she would want to be here . once shes on the hunt for home design , you can barely stop her . hank studied some paint color and ceramic tile samples and nodded . whats your timeline ? flexible to your schedule . when can you fit us in ? hank tilted his head back , his mind moving . ive got about two weeks left on springs avenue . how about i start the monday after that ? i could fit this bathroom remodel in before i start the next batch with beach management . bob pulled out a handheld device and typed with his thumbs . martha will be so happy to get it started . shouldnt take a full week . three days , maybe ? ill write up an estimate and get it to you . okay , but i know itll be reasonable . he turned to leslie . do you know how talented this guy is ? hes done this entire house almost , room by room . the living room , dining room , kitchen , family room . we bought it knowing we had to fix it up , but didnt realize how sadly lacking we were in the skills to do it . martha has the vision , but i didnt have the know-how to carry her vision through . we were lucky the day we found hank . she looked over at him and thought she detected a faint blush . okay , see you in a few weeks . hank ushered her out and back to the truck . you dont like taking compliments , do you ? its just , this is business . lots of people can do this stuff . nothing to get cocky about . you do wonderful work . you have a ton of skills . you can really do all that tile , paint , installing countertops ? laying carpet , some electrical , carpentry . takes some time and patience . oh , and direction from the client . thats why i love working at their house . martha tells me exactly what she wants . instead of heading back to his house , hank drove in the direction of the coastline and pulled into the parking lot of a public beach . they left their shoes in the truck and joined hands as they maneuvered the short incline to the beach . leslie was pleased when he didnt drop her hand as they reached level ground .	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- is something you have in common , but that 's it . '' he shot back , defiant . reaching up , i brushed the hair back from his face . `` i 'm sorry , gideon , but your father was a fraud who took the easy , selfish way out . you do n't have it in you to be that way . '' `` not that way , no . '' `` but i do n't think he ever learned how to connect to people , how to care about anything but his own immediate needs . '' `` do you think that describes you ? '' `` i do n't know , '' he answered quietly . `` well , i know , and it does n't . '' i pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose . `` i ca n't think about you with someone else , eva . just the idea of another man seeing you the way i do , seeing you like this ... putting his hands on you ... it takes me to a dark place . '' `` it 's not going to happen , gideon . '' i would n't be able to bear it if he was intimate with another woman . `` you 've changed everything for me . i could n't stand losing you . '' tilting my head back , gideon took my mouth in a fierce kiss . in moments it became clear we were soon going to be sloshing water all over the floor . `` i need to eat if you want to go at it again , fiend . '' `` says the girlfriend rubbing her wet naked body all over me . '' he sat back with a sinful smile . `` let 's order cheap chinese and eat it out of the box with chopsticks . '' `` let 's order good chinese and do that . '' cary joined us in the living room for excellent chinese , a sweet plum wine , and monday night television . as we flipped channels and laughed over the hilarious names of some reality television shows , i watched as two of the most important men in my life enjoyed some relaxation time and each other . they got along well , ribbing and playfully insulting each other in that way men had . i 'd never seen that side of gideon before and i loved it . while i hogged one whole side of our sectional sofa , the two guys sat cross-legged on the floor and used the coffee table as a dining table . both were wearing loose sweatpants and fitted t-shirts , and i appreciated the view . was i a lucky girl or what ? cracking his knuckles , cary dramatically prepared to open his fortune cookie . will i be rich ? about to meet mr. or ms . tall , dark , and tasty ? traveling to distant lands ? what 'd you guys get ? '' `` mine 's lame , '' i said . `` in the end all things will be known . i did n't need a fortune to figure that out . '' gideon opened his and read , `` prosperity will knock on your door soon . '' cary shot me a look . you snatched someone else 's cookie , cross . '' `` he better not be anywhere near someone else 's cookie , '' i said dryly . reaching over , gideon plucked half of mine out of my fingers . your cookie is the only one i want . '' he popped it in his mouth with a wink . `` gag , '' cary muttered . he cracked his fortune with a flourish , and then scowled . `` confucius say , '' gideon ad-libbed , `` man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day . '' cary threw half his cookie at gideon , who caught it deftly and grinned . i snatched the fortune out from between cary 's fingers and read it . `` fuck you , eva . '' gideon prodded . `` pick another cookie . '' `` pwned by a fortune . '' cary threw the other half of his cookie . i was reminded of similar evenings spent with cary when i was attending sdsu , which made me try and picture what gideon had been like in college . from the articles i 'd read , i knew he 'd attended columbia for his undergraduate studies , then left to focus on his expanding business interests . had he associated with the other students ? did he go to frat parties , screw around and/or drink too much ? he was such a controlled man , i had a hard time picturing him that carefree , and yet here he was being exactly that with me and cary . he glanced at me then , still smiling , and my heart turned over in my chest . he looked his age for once , young and seriously fine and so very normal . at that moment , we were just a twenty-something couple relaxing at home with a roommate and a remote control . he was just my boyfriend , hanging out . it was all so sweet and uncomplicated , and i found the illusion a poignant one . the intercom buzzed and cary leaped to his feet to answer it . he glanced at me with a smile .	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it was clear i did n't belong here , just dealing with everything jason was hard enough , and mrs. whitaker had made it very clear how she felt about the situation . in a way , this felt like some kind of penance for getting involved with him . i was what i was and i was n't supposed to have these kinds of feelings for a humanthey were supposed to be food . jason surprised me , yet again , the next morning by not knocking on my door . a little confused , i must admit , i opened the door . he flashed his pearly whites in a mock smile . `` i got started on my makeup work . '' `` oh , that , boring . come on , i wo n't bite . '' he patted the chair at the table next to him . we kissed , cautiously and then he poured a tiny portion of cereal in a bowl , added milk and slid it over in front of me . `` got ta make it look good . '' his gaze washed over meno , he leered . `` that what you 're wearing today ? '' it was clear from his tone he disapproved . `` after the incident in the bedroom last night , i did n't want to '' `` what incident ? '' `` your jersey was a little much , so i took it off and wrapped up in a blanket . your mom saw me like that when she brought my clothes up . '' wish i could have been there for that . '' `` jason , it 's not funny . she had every right to draw the conclusion she did . '' `` what conclusion was that ? '' he stuffed another spoonful of cereal in his mouth . `` she thought i was waiting for you . '' `` so what 's wrong with what i 'm wearing ? '' i had on my old black sweatpants and sweatshirt . `` oh , hey mom . '' he nodded toward the stairs . `` good morning , kids . '' `` so mom , how old does izzy look ? '' `` i do n't understand what you 're asking , '' she replied apprehensively . `` what she 's wearingshe looks what , maybe forty ? '' `` oh , no , i do n't mean anything by it , it 's just the way she 's dressed . the guys are coming over later and well , you know '' `` i know no such thingyou appolo '' `` sorry . '' sure they were my favorite sweats , but i was wearing them as much for him as i was for me . bummin ' they called it , was one way i could help keep his hormones in check . `` well , thanks for breakfast . '' i took my bowlmaking sure mrs. whitaker saw itand headed for the sink . once i washed it out , i placed it in the drying rack and headed back toward my room . `` you should get started on the makeup work , '' i reminded jason . `` there 's a lot to do . '' `` yeah , yeah , i 'll get to it . '' `` you started ? '' mrs. whitaker said , seemingly surprised . well , thanks again for breakfast . '' i caught a glimpse of her smile before i closed the door . `` well , at least izzy 's '' `` do n't start , mom . alex is coming over . we 're going to play that new video game you gave me . '' `` well , do n't put it off too long . '' she cleared her throat like she was going to say something else , but must have thought better of it . an hour passed and a car pulled into the driveway . alex said as he came in through the back doorway . `` jason 's in the family room , right through there . '' jason greeted him . `` this game is totally awesome . '' the springs groaned as alex plopped down on the sofa with jason . there was an occasional yelp or groanthey were obviously engrossed in the game . i went back to my schoolwork . i would n't say the teachers were punishing us for our little excursion , but i was pretty sure this was a whole lot more work than if we 'd stayed in school . jason and alex were talking again . `` right through that door , '' jason said . `` wow , that must be great . '' `` yeah , she 's really something . '' that made me feel goodhe sounded like the old jason . i yanked off my sweats and slipped into his football jersey . it was teasingah , so what . as i started to open the door , alex spoke again . `` so , you 've like got access ? '' `` hey , '' i said , pulling up shortnot exactly sure what alex meant . jason jumped up , raced over and wrapped his arm around me . `` she looks almost as good in it as i do , '' he joked . `` better , '' alex said . `` mind getting us a soda ? '' i glanced around the room and then listened carefullymrs . whitaker was in her room upstairs . alex panted quietly as i walked past .	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he was the guy from the fight that i 'd helped break up , only this time he wore a striking black tuxedo instead of a swimsuit . he glanced up at our approach , blatantly checked us out , but apparently did n't remember me . ignoring us , he continued on with his argument . not surprisingly , moroi protection was the topic . he was the one who 'd been in favor of moroi going on the offensive against the strigoi . `` what part of 'suicide ' do n't you understand ? '' asked one of the men standing nearby . he had silvery hair and a bushy mustache . he wore a tux too , but the younger guy looked better in one . `` moroi training as soldiers will be the end of our race . '' `` it 's not suicide , '' exclaimed the young guy . we have to start looking out for ourselves . learning to fight and use our magic is our greatest asset , other than the guardians . '' `` yes , but with the guardians , we do n't need other assets , '' said silver hair . `` you 've been listening to non-royals . they do n't have any guardians of their own , so of course they 're scared . but that 's no reason to drag us down and put our lives at risk . '' `` then do n't , '' said lissa suddenly . her voice was soft , but everyone in the little group stopped and looked at her . `` when you talk about moroi learning how to fight , you make it sound like an all-or-nothing matter . if you do n't want to fight , then you should n't have to . the man looked slightly mollified . `` but , that 's because you can rely on your guardians . a lot of moroi ca n't . and if they want to learn self-defense , there 's no reason why they should n't do it on their own . '' the younger guy grinned triumphantly at his adversary . `` it 's not that easy , '' countered silver hair . `` if it was just a matter of you crazy people wanting to get yourselves killed , then fine . but where are you going to learn all these so-called fighting skills ? '' `` we 'll figure the magic out on our own . guardians will teach us actual physical fighting . '' `` yes , see ? i knew that was where this was going . even if the rest of us do n't take part in your suicide mission , you still want to strip us of our guardians to train up your pretend army . '' the young guy scowled at the word pretend , and i wondered if more fists would fly . `` you owe it to us . '' `` no , they do n't , '' said lissa . intrigued gazes turned her way again . this time , it was silver hair who regarded her triumphantly . the younger guy 's features flushed with anger . `` guardians are the best battle resources we have . '' `` they are , '' she agreed , `` but that does n't give you the right to take them away from their duty . '' silver hair practically glowed . `` then how are we supposed to learn ? '' demanded the other guy . `` the same way guardians do , '' lissa informed him . `` if you want to learn to fight , go to the academies . form classes and start at the beginning , the same way the novices do . that way , you wo n't be taking guardians away from active protection . it 's a safe environment , and the guardians there specialize in teaching students anyway . '' `` you could even start making defense part of the standard curriculum for moroi students already there . '' astonished stares fell on her , mine included . it was such an elegant solution , and everyone else around us realized it . it gave no party 100 percent of its demands , but it met most in a way that did n't really harm the other side . the other moroi studied her with wonder and fascination . suddenly , everyone started talking at once , excited about the idea . they drew lissa in , and soon there was a passionate conversation going on about her plan . i got shuffled to the edges and decided that was just fine . then i retreated altogether and sought out a corner near a door . along the way , i passed a server with a tray of hors d'oeuvres . still hungry , i eyed them suspiciously but saw nothing that looked like the foie gras from the other day . i gestured to one that looked like some sort of braised , rare meat . `` is that goose liver ? '' `` sweetbread . '' `` it 's pancreas , '' said a voice behind me . the waitress took my shock for rejection and moved on . adrian ivashkov moved into my line of sight , looking immensely pleased with himself . `` 'sweetbread ' is pancreas ? '' i do n't know why that shocked me so much . moroi consumed blood . why not internal organs ? still , i repressed a shudder . rich people suck . '' his amusement continued .	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and if some brave little soul was n't afraid , the distinct scent of synestryn blood would be seeping out of their pores . find them and i 'll grant you all of zillah 's holdings . that 's what murak 's father had promised , and there was nothing more he wanted than to expand his domain and fill it with his offspring and enough food to stuff their bellies . zillah 's holdings were expansive , and a good start for murak 's kingdom . he 'd already dispatched his hunters , giving them the items he 'd recovered from the caves . clothing , blankets , hair-whatever he could find that still held the scent of those who 'd been stolen . between their efforts and his , it would n't be long before they 'd reclaimed their property . the cattle seemed to be converging on the center of town . he 'd passed a school there earlier , and seen the sign outside lit up , streaming with balloons and announcing tonight 's special performance . based on the rush of traffic , a large segment of the population would be in attendance . he could slip in , check for escaped prisoners within the large gathering , and begin recapturing what zillah had lost . he did n't need to find everyone , just the humans in which they 'd invested precious time and blood . it took years to create a vessel for their offspring , and zillah 's mistake was going to be murak 's gain . he entered the school , paid for his ticket , and went to the back of the auditorium . the curtains were drawn and the cattle milled around , greeting one another with smiles and conversation . no one paid any attention to him , which suited him fine . he pulled their stench into his lungs , seeking for a hint of prey . a young human rushed by , stirring the air . right there was the scent of the blood of his kind . sweet and metallic . he rose from his seat and followed the trail . it led to a young girl in the second row . she was skinny and pale , with bruises under her eyes from lack of sleep . much of her hair had fallen out , and what was left was pulled back with a cheerful yellow bow . murak summoned his power and concealed himself from all those present . he moved closer to the child , seeing the bony knees protruding out from under her skirt . she was ten or twelve , perhaps , and nearly complete . years of work and gallons of their blood had gone into her so that she could perform her duties . another year of alterations and they 'd be able to breed her . the child began to tremble , as if she sensed his presence . she looked around and reached for the hand of her father , sitting beside her . the man wrapped his arm around her and looked at his wife with sunken eyes filled with despair . `` she 's not ready to be out in a crowd yet . '' the woman nodded sadly and stood , gathering her purse . murak moved out of the way , letting them pass . it was a simple matter to follow them home . once the girl was alone , he 'd take back what was rightfully his . chapter 8 iain 's body was still throbbing with the pain of losing jackie 's touch . so much that it was making him slow . he could feel the slight lag in his thought processes-only a split second , but definitely enough to make him hesitate and die in a fight . whatever that thing out there was , he 'd never seen anything like it before . it was new , and he was n't looking forward to finding out what surprises it had in store . he bolted down the hallway , keeping tabs on the steady pounding of jackie 's feet behind him . she stayed close as he slammed out through the door and into the cold night air . his truck was about two hundred feet away . there were only a few cars in the parking lot of the run-down hotel , and with any luck , the inhabitants were n't spending any time looking out of their windows . iain moved fast , keeping watch around them , searching for signs that there were any more synestryn where that one had come from . the area was dark , quiet . there was little around except for a restaurant and gas station on the far side of the interstate . he heard a noise to his left and spun around to face it . the demon was crouched next to a bush in a decorative landscaping bed . its eyes flared bright as it spotted them , and it let out a wet , gurgling hiss . yellow saliva cascaded from its mouth , sliding down onto its chest . `` keep moving , '' said iain . `` i 'll hold him off . '' to her credit , she did n't waste time asking questions . she sprinted toward the truck , leaving iain in a much better position to kill this thing without worrying about her getting hurt in the process . iain took a firm grip on his sword . the monster within him beat at its cage , demanding to be set free . it liked killing .	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clyde held a legal-sized sheet of paper in his fist . `` got it , '' he told the room at large . we glanced at one another , then back at him . `` a proclamation from the dnr . '' `` any private citizen caught in the woods with a gun will lose their license for a year . '' clyde just smiled . while folks in and around miniwa would n't blink at a few days in jail for illegal firearms transportation , threatening to take away their hunting and fishing privileges - which was the dnr 's specialty - would make people sit up and take notice . `` post this at the coffee pot . '' he handed the paper to brad . `` then put out the word . '' which meant get some coffee , gas up your squad car , have a doughnut , and while you were at it , let everyone know that the dnr was behind us . the woods were going to be more deserted than a ski hill on the fourth of july . `` this time tomorrow everything should be back to normal . '' clyde went into his office and shut the door . now he was delusional , too . had he forgotten the wolf problem ? as everyone dispersed to spread the news , i knocked on clyde 's door . clyde 's grin did n't mask the cir-cles under his eyes , the pallor beneath his tan , the sag of his shoulders . he had n't forgotten the wolf problem . in fact , he probably remembered it better than i did . especially when i was in cadotte 's arms , where i forgot everything . i straightened and got down to business . `` i was n't able to go out with mandenauer last night . '' that would have been suicide . edward and i had dinner . '' `` we also had quite a conversation . '' from the narrowing of clyde 's eyes , i knew what was coming . `` did n't i tell you cadotte was trouble ? '' `` yet you 're sleeping with him ? '' damn clyde . he was the best interrogator on the force - and he 'd just played me like a green kid with her first felony . he shook his head and sat on the edge of his desk . `` you find that totem yet ? '' i blinked at the sudden change of subject . as if the stone had heard us , it swayed between my breasts . i jumped , then had to clench my ringers into fists to keep from reaching for the thing and rousing clyde 's suspicions . `` ever ask cadotte about it ? '' `` i do n't know , jessie ; maybe because he 's an expert on totems . you find one , show it to him , then poof , the next thing we know , the stone is gone . '' `` you think he took the totem ? '' since i knew he had n't , clyde 's attempt to make me suspicious of will only convinced me to keep the thing under my shirt - so to speak . which only made two of us . everyone was acting weird lately . except cadotte . but he 'd been strange to begin with . 1 hooked the thing back onto my belt . raising my eyes , i met clyde 's . from the expression in his , he knew who 'd been on the phone . zee had said the same thing . was i such a social reject that everyone took one look at cadotte and labeled me `` soon to be hurt '' ? a knock on clyde 's door had us both lifting our heads . mandenauer walked in . `` just the guy i wanted to see , '' i began . he raised a slightly yellowed brow and shut the door behind him . he bowed , just his head and shoulders in what i was beginning to think of as the german fashion . i half-expected him to click his heels , but he did n't . `` the doctor at the hospital did n't know anything about the super-rabies . '' do n't you think that 's something the doctors ought to know ? '' mandenauer shrugged . `` rabies is rabies to them . the vaccine works on both . '' did n't you hear that mel died ? have you seen the body ? '' `` yes to both questions . sometimes that happens . '' `` well , do n't get too broken up about it , '' i mumbled . `` jessie , '' clyde warned . i was getting tired , dopey , crankier than usual . i had another question for manden-auer - it was on the tip of my brain . i forced myself to lower my hand so i could see mandenauer . `` i called the cdc . '' he spread his bony hands wide . `` something is funny there . '' `` i have never known the cdc to be very funny . '' the first time i called , they had heard about the virus . when i called back and asked to talk to the doctor , they 'd never heard of her . 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`` annie and i are going to the afternoon show . '' the elevator arrived at the lobby and the doors glided open . max immediately saw bethanne and annie standing by the fireplace waiting . his gaze went directly to bethanne . without conscious thought , he started walking toward her and she toward him . `` badly , '' she whispered , avoiding eye contact . `` are you going to breakfast or not ? '' `` we 're going , '' rooster said , and offered annie and ruth each an arm , elbows jutting out . max reached for bethanne 's hand , and every doubt he 'd experienced instantly fled . they were together and that was enough . they would take this day by day . `` i do n't know what you think you 're doing , '' ruth said to rooster . `` why , i 'm taking two beauties out for breakfast , that 's what . '' `` i believe that 's our cue to slip off by ourselves , '' max said . they walked out of the hotel , and when rooster went left , they went right . max 's heart lifted . he had twenty-four hours with bethanne . twenty `` how about a ride ? '' max asked bethanne after they 'd finished breakfast . they 'd returned to the hotel , strolling lazily down the busy sidewalks of branson . bethanne had n't seen ruth , annie or rooster since they 'd parted ways about an hour earlier . `` i 'd think after all that time on the bike , riding would be the last thing you 'd want to do . '' `` there 's a place i want to show you . '' `` then i 'm all for it . '' twice now bethanne had ridden with max and each time she 'd felt more relaxed , more comfortable . he must have planned this , because when he collected his harley , he had rooster 's helmet . when she was securely seated behind him , max took off . he had n't said where they were going , but it really did n't matter . she would 've gone anywhere with him . they rode for about forty minutes . he turned off the main road to a lake with a number of upscale modern homes built along the shoreline . then he pulled into the driveway of one of those houses and climbed off the bike . after removing his helmet , he said , `` this belongs to a friend of mine . he said i can stop by anytime i want . '' `` is he at home now ? '' she asked , removing her own helmet . i left him a voice mail and said i 'd like to take him up on his offer . i have n't heard back . '' bethanne dismounted and tucked her fingertips into the rear pockets of her jeans while max walked over to the house . he dashed up the steps to the porch and rang the doorbell . when no one answered , he lifted a brick from beneath the window , thrust his hand in the hole and took out the key . `` looks like we have the place to ourselves , '' he said , unlocking the front door . `` you 're sure your friend wo n't mind ? '' `` you 've done this before ... stopped in like this . '' `` max , '' she protested . without waiting for her , he walked inside . reluctantly , bethanne followed . when she entered the house she noticed large , comfortable furniture . max went over to the triple-wide sliding glass doors that led to the deck . he opened two , letting a clean breeze waft through the rooms . he moved to the railing and looked out over the lake , which sparkled in the sunshine . it was alive with activity . the sounds of enjoyment-laughter and good-natured shouting-carried easily to the house . people were boating and fishing . a water-skier crossed the lake , and a couple of jet-skiers left huge rooster tails in their wake . bethanne joined him on the deck , and he slid his arm around her waist . `` i had no idea this was so lovely , '' he said , almost as if he was speaking to himself . that was about two and a half years ago . like i said , a friend of mine owns this . it was a little over a year after kate died and i was consumed with grief . i was here , but i do n't even remember looking at the lake . '' `` grief takes over your life , does n't it ? '' she said , growing thoughtful . `` years ago i read that grief is the place where love and pain converge . for whatever reason , that stayed in my mind . the truth of it hit me after grant left . i grieved for my marriage . '' like max , she spoke in a whisper . `` in the months after that , i discovered a number of things about myself , and they were n't necessarily things i liked . my husband had moved in with tiffany .	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he had n't related any childhood experiences to let the conversation get very close to him . of course , she reminded herself , she had n't known him for long at all , actually less than a week . the speed and intensity of their relationship dazed her , made the flow of time seem exaggeratedly long . `` no , i was n't a holy terror , '' he finally said . she sensed the remoteness in his answer . `` are any of your brothers or your sister ? '' because she was so close to him , she could feel the subtle relaxation of his muscles . `` just my sister , and it is n't that she 's destructive or bad tempered , just very determined to have her own way . she 's a little steamroller . '' his deep love for his family was evident in his voice . she snuggled closer to him , hoping to keep him talking . `` how old are your brothers and sister ? `` michael is eighteen . he 's just gotten out of high school and starts college next month . he 's interested in cattle ranching and will probably start his own spread when he gets out of college . joshua is sixteen , and he 's the best-natured of the bunch , but he 's a jet freak , just like i was at his age . damn his hide , though , he wants to be a navy flier . zane is thirteen , and he 's ... intense . silent and dangerous , like dad . then there 's maris . she 's eleven going on a hundred . small for her age , so delicate she looks like a breeze would send her airborne , and a will like iron . we 're all good with horses , damn good , but dad is sheer magic with them , and so is maris . '' anything to keep him talking . she 's even smaller than you are . '' `` i 'm not small . '' her chin jutted out belligerently . `` you 're not exactly tall , either . not quite average , i 'd say . i 'm almost a foot taller than you . '' he pulled her back down against his side , her head nestled in the hollow of his shoulder . `` do you want to know about mary or not ? '' `` go ahead , '' she grumbled , and he kissed her forehead . `` mary is warm and open and loving , and when she makes up her mind to do something she 's unstoppable . i would n't have made it into the academy without her tutoring . '' `` so you did n't mind when she and your father married ? '' he gave that quiet laugh again . `` i did everything i could to throw them together . not that it was all that difficult . dad was like a corralled stallion . he was determined to have her , no matter how many fences he had to kick down or go over . '' his ease and earthy understanding of his father 's sexual nature made her smile . for her part , she simply could n't imagine her own parents as intensely sexual beings , probably because they were n't . she was proof that they did have sex , but both of them were low-key and concerned more with intellectual matters than those of a physical nature . their love life was probably warm and affectionate , rather than the raw , raunchy , intense lovemaking joe had swept her into . and the best father in the world . even when i was a little kid , i always knew he 'd fight to the death for me . '' that was an odd way to describe one 's parent , but looking at joe she could easily believe that his father was dangerous . they were probably mirror images of each other . `` that 's enough about me , '' he said abruptly , though very little of the conversation had actually told her about him . she sensed that wariness in him again as the steel door guarding his inner thoughts clanged shut . he lifted her astride his lap and pushed her robe open , closing his hands over her breasts . `` i want to find out about you . '' she shivered and looked down at her breasts , at his bronze hands covering the soft , pale mounds . `` that 's no longer virgin territory to you . '' `` so it is n't . '' the blue of his eyes grew darker , more intense . he stroked one of his hands down her belly and into the notch of her legs , lightly probing . `` this is n't , either , but it 's even more exciting now than it was before . i could only imagine what you 'd feel like before , but now i know how tight and hot you are , and how you start getting wet as soon as i touch you . '' he circled her delicate opening with one rough fingertip , using exquisite care . she shuddered as pleasure rushed through her , hot and sharp , tightening her muscles and giving him the dampness he sought as her body immediately began preparing to receive him .	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with a mighty yawn , he reached for his cell phone wishing he could call sam to find out what was going on with the sinclair case . he hated that he 'd let her down . after his mother , sam was the most important woman in his life - not that he 'd ever admit that to her . tomorrow , he would find a way to fix this . they worked too well together and meant too much to each other to let this fester . he stared intently at reese 's house . he 'd give everything he had to be the one to snag the guy who shot skip holland . freddie loved the hell out of skip and wanted to close his case almost as much as sam did . another hour passed in frigid silence , until freddie thought he 'd lose his mind if he had to stare at the dark house for one more minute . suddenly , he saw a narrow beam of light moving through the house . were his tired eyes playing tricks on him ? no , someone was definitely walking through the house with a flashlight . reaching for his radio , he started to call for backup but stopped himself . how much would it mean to sam if he arrested reese ? it would certainly go a long way toward repairing the rift between them . but going in without backup went against all his training . regardless , freddie kept his eyes on the beam of light as he got out of the car and crossed the deserted street . cutting through the alley behind the house , he drew his weapon and approached the back door , his heart pounding with adrenaline and excitement . an arrest like this would make him a hero at hq , and even though his better judgment urged him once again to call for backup before he went in , he did n't . his heart beat like a bass drum in his ears . he eased it open and stepped into the kitchen . down the hallway , he could see the flashlight moving around and headed in that direction , his gun leading the way . just as he was about to take the intruder by surprise , freddie 's cell phone rang , alerting the other man to his presence . cursing himself for being so stupid , he grabbed the phone and flipped it open to stop the ringing . the man , dressed all in black , spun around and fired . in the hq conference room , sam labored over the murder board . starting to the left with grainy images retrieved from the hotel security to photos of julian sinclair dead in lincoln park to autopsy photos , sam laid it out in chronological order . each piece to the puzzle would eventually add up to the whole . so many threads to this one - the secret sexual orientation , the family rift , the extreme views on hot-button issues - his and his sister-in-law 's - and the connection to the o'connors . sam thought about the man she 'd dined with two nights prior and was surprised by a wave of sadness over his loss . he 'd come to town , to her town , expecting to be confirmed as a supreme court justice and would leave in a body bag . as someone charged with ensuring the safety of visitors and residents alike , the loss of his life offended her on a deep , personal level . `` i 'll get him , julian , '' she promised the deceased face in the photo . `` i promise you , i 'll get him . '' `` shots fired at reese 's house , '' jeannie mcbride said , her eyes wide with dismay . sam 's heart contracted . `` cruz ? '' `` not answering his radio , and his cell just rings . '' sam ran from the room , grabbed her coat and headed for the door . `` tyrone , mcbride . '' sam 's throat contracted , robbing her of air and speech . the two detectives scurried after her and sprinted with her to the parking lot . `` he 's fine , '' mcbride said . `` he 's got reese , and he 'll be calling it in any minute . '' `` make sure rescue is on the way , '' sam ordered , feeling considerably less optimistic . `` his mother called dispatch , '' tyrone said . `` she had reached his cell and heard gunfire . `` and there 's no word from cruz ? '' his face grim , tyrone shook his head as the radio crackled with reports of a possible officer down . sam could n't seem to get oxygen to her lungs . flying across the city with sirens and flashing lights , she tried to take a deep breath but could n't get air past the huge knot of fear in her throat . she sent him there as punishment and now ... please do n't let him be dead . `` lieutenant , '' jeannie said . startled out of her thoughts , sam glanced over at her . `` patrol is on the scene . they want to know if they should go in ahead of us . '' sam 's mind raced . if the shooter was still in the house , she 'd be risking additional people by sending them in .	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`` do n't remember , '' she said vaguely . he exchanged glances with his two brothers , and she hoped she had n't raised their suspicions even more . she needed to disappear as quickly as possible before anyone figured out where she was . or who she was . a few minutes later , ethan heaped bacon , eggs and a slab of ham on her plate . her hands shook slightly as she cut into the food with her fork . adam stood back , his arms crossed over his chest . he watched while she shoveled food into her mouth as quickly as she could . she flushed and set her fork down on the plate . ethan plunked down a glass of orange juice next to her , and she smiled slightly at him before drinking down half the contents . a loud knock sounded on the door , and adam frowned . `` who the hell could that be ? '' he swiveled around as ryan and ethan both started forward . `` hold up , '' he ordered . `` we do n't know who 's out there . '' they all turned around to where holly was sitting , only she was gone . she 'd run scared the minute she heard the knock . `` i 'll go find her , '' ethan said , his tone suggesting he 'd take care of her and for adam and ryan to take care of the outside threat . to their surprise , the door opened and lacey mcmillan stuck her head in . she stopped when her gaze rested on ryan and adam . lacey was the county sheriff , and she paid a call from time to time to see how things were in the high country . tall , lanky and redheaded . all the things holly was n't . at one time , adam had thought lacey might be the one , but his brothers had n't shared his attraction . she removed her stetson as she walked further into the cabin . she threw adam a saucy grin . ryan scowled and sat back down at the bar . adam asked , folding his arms and affecting what he knew to be an intimidating stance . normally he would n't mind shooting the shit with lacey , even doing a little light flirting , but that was in the past . now he just wanted her to be gone as soon as possible . lacey slid onto a barstool beside ryan , hitching her long legs up to balance on the lower rung of the stool . `` where 's the third stooge ? '' she asked , looking around for ethan . `` around , '' adam said . she arched a brow but did n't comment further on his being so close-mouthed . `` i 'm up here to find out if y'all have seen a young woman . short , maybe five two . we 're dealing with a possible abduction , though she may have escaped . we found an abandoned car at the base of the mountain , and we 're checking out the area . maybe you saw something ? '' adam shook his head then fixed his gaze on ryan . `` you and ethan see anything when you were out ? '' he turned his attention back to lacey . `` you think she 's still in the area ? '' could be , though if she 's on her own , i do n't imagine she 'll last long in the backcountry . city girl from what i gathered . got a bulletin from the denver pd and the feds wanting our department to be on the lookout . seemed to think she might be headed this way . '' `` do you need trackers ? '' adam asked , knowing if he did n't offer , it would seem odd . he and his brothers had tracked missing persons before for the sheriff 's department . last summer , they had found a little girl who had wandered off from her parents ' campsite . like i said , i 'm just checking out the possibility anyone saw something . we do n't even know who the car belongs to . teddy 's running the plates as we speak . could be she never came this way . '' adam itched to ask more questions . who did holly belong to and who supposedly kidnapped her ? but he knew it would arouse lacey 's suspicions , because if nothing else , the colter brothers kept to themselves and did n't borrow trouble from anyone . `` well , let us know if we can help , '' he said shortly , dismissively . lacey chuckled then rose from the barstool . `` there was a time when you were more welcoming , '' she said softly as she brushed by him , letting her full br**sts rasp across his folded arms . he stepped back , only anxious for her to be gone so he could question holly . `` i guess i 'll see you around , '' lacey said , a resigned expression on her face . she replaced her hat then walked to the door . `` let me know if you see anything , okay ? '' `` will do , '' adam said .	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she looked regal , as always , but even from this distance , aidan detected anxiety in her expression . their presence at the door underscored the importance of this moment for them . he was bringing a human into their midst , and that had never been done before . he reminded himself that they were the ones who 'd demanded that emma be brought here . `` that 's weird , '' roarke said . `` they do n't usual y do the welcome-committee routine . '' `` there 's nothing usual about this visit . `` aidan reached for emma 's hand , which was ice-cold . he squeezed it and hoped that gave her some reassurance . then again , maybe he was the one looking for reassurance . until now , he 'd been the golden boy , the were everyone expected to take over leadership of the pack when his father stepped down . he 'd been groomed for that position his entire life . he 'd looked forward to assuming his duties . although he had n't always pleased his parents , he 'd never given them any major problems ... until now . bringing a human to the estate was an issue of great magnitude . no matter how many times he tried to convince himself that he had n't caused this breach in security , he stil felt responsible for it . and yet , he knew that the real problem was n't the security breach . the real problem was the bond developing between him and emma . even he was n't certain how strong it had become . he was afraid to test it and find out . chapter 25 research , emma repeated as a silent mantra when aidan helped her out of the suv . the cobblestoned drive curved in front of the house , and as emma walked along it toward the distinguished couple standing by the front door , she was reminded of a tour of hol ywood homes she 'd taken while on a vacation in la several years ago . this elegant two-story mansion would be suitable for any major movie star in the country . or any head of state in any foreign country . jane austen would have loved this house , but a regency home would have been surrounded by formal gardens . instead , the forest hovered al around the house , protecting it from prying eyes . for this place was n't owned by a head of state or a member of the english nobility . it was owned by a pack of werewolves , and no human had seen it since they 'd moved in . unless she broke the trust aidan had placed in her , no other human would ever see it besides her . although she had to be careful not to behave like a reporter gathering information , she felt a certain responsibility to record every detail she could remember . she would n't ever present it as fact , but she could certainly disguise it as fiction . she would get to write about this house and the werewolves who lived here , because aidan had promised that her publishing career would continue . she was choosing to believe he 'd make good on that promise . so she took in the butterscotch color of the stone , the steep pitch of the red slate roof dusted with snow , the twin chimneys rising high into the air , the multipaned windows catching stray beams from the setting sun , and the twin wrought iron balconies at each end of the house . she wondered whether she 'd be given a bedroom with a balcony . the romantic in her had always yearned for one . as she neared the front door , fiona wal ace stepped forward and held out her hand . `` welcome to our home , emma gavin . '' emma clasped fiona 's hand and felt quiet strength there . aidan 's mother had yel ow-gold eyes very similar to her son 's , but aidan had inherited his high cheekbones and square jaw from his father . after emma shook hands with fiona , howard wal ace extended his hand to her . his grip spoke of power that was al the more intimidating because he did n't flaunt it with a crushing handshake . here was a man used to being in command , and she sensed that he did n't like losing control of a situation the way he 'd obviously lost control of this one . `` thank you for coming , '' he said simply . his gray eyes seemed to see right through her . she doubted he missed much , so she 'd be wise to be perfectly honest with him . `` i do n't know that i had a choice . '' his laugh was deep and infectious , rumbling upward from his barrel chest . but now that you 're here , let 's get you inside and find some wine and a warm fire , shal we ? '' emma could see why aidan 's father was such a successful businessman . he operated on the assumption that everyone agreed with his plan , whatever that might be . in this case , emma found herself ushered inside and guided along a marble hal way . someone took her coat , and then seamlessly , she found herself in a cozy sitting room where a cheerful blaze crackled in a large stone fireplace .	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he 'd driven in , had a cup of coffee and two doughnuts while he waited for others to load the van , then had thanked everyone for their help before getting behind the wheel to head back to the church . it was a little before ten when he turned onto madame moore 's lane . he reached for the radio , hoping to find some gospel music to liven up the ride back . even though the road was slick , he began fiddling with the knob . up ahead and out of sight , he had no way of knowing that another car was heading his way . * `` i 'm sorry , '' brian finally said , `` i did n't mean for any of it to happen . '' at the sound of his voice , miles glanced in the mirror again . instead of responding , however , he cracked the window . after a moment , brian huddled down , his unzipped jacket flapping in the wind . in the reflection , miles stared at brian with unbridled hatred . * sarah sped around the corner much as miles had done , hoping to catch up with his car . he had a head start-not much , maybe a couple of minutes , but how far was that ? she was n't exactly sure , and as the car hit a straight stretch , she pressed the accelerator even harder . she could n't leave brian in his care , not after the uncontrolled fury she had seen in his face , not after what he 'd nearly done to otis . she wanted to be there when miles brought brian in , but the problem was that she did n't know where the sheriff 's department was . she knew where the police station was , the courthouse , even the city hall , since they were all located downtown . but she 'd never been to the sheriff 's department . for all she knew , it was located in the outer reaches of the county somewhere . she could stop and call , or check a phonebook somewhere , but that would only put her farther behind , she thought frantically . she would stop if she had to . if she did n't see him in the next couple of minutes ... * commercials . bennie wiggins shook his head . commercials and more commercials . that 's all there was on the radio these days . water softeners , car dealerships , alarm systems ... after every other song , he heard the same litany of businesses hawking their wares . the sun was beginning to peek over the treetops , and the glare from the snow caught bennie off-guard . he squinted and pulled down the visor just as the radio faded into silence for a moment . this one promised to teach your child to read . * `` sarah did n't know , '' brian finally offered into the silence . `` sarah did n't know about any of it . '' over the wind , brian was n't sure if miles could hear him , but he had to try . he knew this was the last chance he would get to speak to miles without other people around . whatever lawyer his father would arrange for him would advise him to say nothing more than he had already said . and miles , he suspected , would be ordered to stay away from him . but miles had to know the truth about sarah . not so much for the future-as brian saw it , they had no chance at all-but because he could n't bear the thought of miles believing that sarah had known all along . he did n't want miles to hate her . sarah , above everyone , did n't deserve that . unlike miles or him , sarah had n't had any part in this at all . `` she never told me who she was seeing . i was away at school and i did n't find out until thanksgiving that it was you . but i did n't tell her about the accident until yesterday . she did n't know anything until then . i know you do n't want to believe me ... '' `` you think i should believe you ? '' miles shot back . `` she did n't know anything , '' brian repeated . `` i would n't lie to you about that . '' `` what would you lie about , then ? '' brian regretted the words as soon as he 'd said them and felt the chill cut through him as he imagined his answer.going to the funeral . watching jonah at school . stalking miles at his home ... brian shook his head slightly , forcing the thought away . `` sarah did n't do anything wrong , '' he said instead , avoiding the question . but miles persisted . `` what would you lie about ? the dog , maybe ? '' `` missy did n't jump in front of your car . '' `` miles boomed , wheeling around . despite the roar of the wind from the open windows , the sound seemed to ricochet in the car . `` you were n't paying attention and you ran her down ! '' `` no , '' brian insisted . he was less afraid of miles than he knew he should be . he felt calm , like an actor reciting his lines by rote . just a sense of profound exhaustion .	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`` maybe i 'd like to hear the answer again , '' he was being a total ass about this and not for the first time in her life , theresa felt like hitting him . `` oh , god , why do you insist on doing this ? '' `` you really loved me , did n't you ? '' he breathed in amazement and she shot him a haunted look before turning away . `` you may rest assured that whatever i felt for you a year ago is no longer an issue . i want a divorce , nothing you do or say can induce me to stay with you ... '' she insisted and he surprised her by nodding thoughtfully . i 'm beginning to realise that , '' he acknowledged softly . there was nothing more to be said and she left the room with her head held high and her dignity intact . she was a mass of nerves when she finally got to the bedroom and sank down on the bed , feeling quivery and still vaguely nauseous . she felt like she had just gone ten rounds with a heavyweight boxer but she also felt like he had actually listened to her and that she had made some headway . feeling like she needed to speak to someone about what had just happened , she picked up the telephone receiver from its cradle on the nightstand but she was taken aback to hear ringing on the other end . realising that sandro was on the extension downstairs she was about to put the phone down when the ringing stopped abruptly . `` jackson noble , '' her father 's voice snapped into her ear and her eyes widened in shock . sandro and her father did not get along and she was surprised to realise that sandro had actually willingly called the older man . more than a little curious , she hesitated before replacing the receiver but that brief hesitation proved to be enough to keep her riveted to the phone . `` your daughter wants a divorce , '' was his opening sally and theresa 's fingers tightened around the phone . divorce is not an option and you know that ! '' her father astounded her by responding . `` yes , '' sandro 's voice was dryer than the desert in summer . `` i know that but it appears that she does not . you did n't tell her about our agreement ? '' `` of course not , '' jackson noble iii scoffed contemptuously . `` she would never have married you if i had ... the little twit fancied herself in love with you ! '' her father laughed harshly and theresa winced . her free arm wrapped around her midriff as she tried to keep her nausea at bay . sandro did not react to her father 's last statement . `` i thought she knew ... that she 'd gone into this marriage consenting to sell herself for the sake of your sadistic little contract . daddy 's good little girl to the very end ! '' he finally said after a long pause . `` would it have changed your mind if you 'd known you were marrying a naive little fool , who thought you epitomized her every dream come true ? '' `` and she has no idea what the terms of our agreement are ? '' sandro finally asked slowly . `` well i assumed she would discover them from you eventually ... '' `` are you telling me that she married me believing that i was in love with her ? '' he sounded humiliatingly incredulous that theresa would ever have believed him in love with her . `` of course , '' her father snorted , she could practically hear the careless shrug in her words . `` and you just went ahead and let her believe that ? '' `` i know it was a ridiculous assumption on her part but it played right into our hands . it was like watching a sleepy kitten fall in love with a roaring lion , '' her father laughed , he actually laughed , after saying that . `` but i doubt she would have married you otherwise . '' `` 'played into our hands ' ? there 's no us here , jackson . i had nothing to do with your obscene little scheme . '' `` oh spare me your sanctimonious drivel , sandro ... '' her father scoffed . `` it smacks of hypocrisy when you gained a hell of a lot out of this deal . and even if you 'd known about theresa 's expectations it would have made no difference to the eventual outcome . sandro suddenly roared furiously . `` that should have meant something to you . '' `` of course it meant something to me ... it meant that she could at last be of some use to me ! her role in my life is now quite vital . so you 'd better keep her happy , get her pregnant and stop her prattling on about divorce . you know what you stand to lose if your marriage dissolves before i get what i want . '' `` i had a life before this ridiculous arrangement ... and i would like to get back to it at some point , '' sandro finally intoned and theresa bit her lip hard to stop herself from crying out at the knowledge that her husband had always considered their marriage to be something outside of his real life ! she had never met his family , all of whom lived in italy .	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maybe she 'd even be good enough for the girl with the shining hair . cassie 's heart beat more quickly at the thought . it all depended on first impressions . it was vital she get off to a good start . cassie pulled on the blue sweater and anxiously checked her reflection again in the mirror . she wished there were something more to do with her own hair . it was soft and it waved slightly , with pretty highlights , but she wished she could do something more dramatic with it . like the girl in this ad - she glanced at the magazine open on the dressing table . she 'd bought it specially when she 'd driven into town last week so she could see the back-to-school fashions . she 'd never gotten the courage to walk up to the yellow victorian house again , although she 'd cruised by it slowly in her grandmother 's volkswagen rabbit , hoping vainly to bump into the girl `` accidentally . '' yes , tomorrow she 'd pull her hair back like the model in the ad , she decided . just as she was about to step away , something on the opposite page of the magazine caught her eye . a horoscope column . her birth sign , cancer , seemed to be staring out at her . automatically her eyes followed the words after it . that daggy insecure feeling has got you again . it 's time for positive thinking ! if that does n't work , remember that nothing lasts forever . try not to make waves in your personal relationships this month . you 've got enough to cope with already . horoscopes are such garbage , cassie thought , closing the magazine with a slap . her mother had always said so , and it was true . `` that daggy insecure feeling '' - just telling someone they felt insecure was enough to make them feel it ! there was nothing supernatural about that . but if she did n't believe in the supernatural , what was the chalcedony lucky piece doing in the zipper compartment of her backpack ? setting her jaw , she took it out and put it in her jewelry box , then went downstairs to say good-bye . the school was an impressive three-story red brick building . so impressive that after cassie had parked the rabbit , she was almost afraid to go any closer . there were several narrow paths that led up the hill , and she finally nerved herself to take one . at the top her throat closed and she simply stared . god , it looked like a college or something . like a historical landmark . the bold stone facing on the front read new salem high school , and below was a sort of crest with the words town of new salem , incorporated 1693 . was that how old this town was ? back in reseda , the oldest buildings around had been there for maybe fifty years . i am not shy , cassie told herself , forcing herself to walk forward . i am cassie the confident . an incredibly loud roar made her head jerk around , and sheer instinct sent her jumping to the side just in time to avoid being run over . heart pounding , she stood and gawked at what had almost hit her . it was a motorcycle on the bike path . but even more astonishing was its rider - a girl . she was wearing tight black jeans and a motorcycle jacket , and her trim , athletic body looked tough . but when she turned around after parking the motorcycle by a bike rack , cassie saw that her face was ravishingly pretty . it was small and feminine , framed by tumbling dark curls , and marred only by a sullen , belligerent expression . the girl demanded suddenly . she supposed she had been staring . the girl took a step forward , and cassie found herself stepping back . `` i 'm sorry - i did n't mean to - `` she tried to tear her eyes away , but it was hard . the girl was wearing a skimpy black midriff top under the jacket , and cassie glimpsed what looked like a small tattoo just above the material . a tattoo of a crescent moon . `` i 'm sorry , '' cassie said again , helplessly . you keep out of my face , get it ? '' you were the one who almost ran me over , cassie thought . but she nodded hastily , and to her vast relief the girl turned away . god , what a horrible way to start the first day of school , cassie thought , hurrying toward the entrance . what a horrible person to be the first one you spoke to . well , at least after a beginning like that , things could only get better . all around her teenagers were greeting one another , shouting hello ; the girls giggling and hugging , the boys horsing around . it was an excited bustle , and everybody seemed to know everybody else . she stood looking at the fresh haircuts of the guys , the brand-new clothes of the girls , smelling the scents of too much perfume and unnecessary aftershave and feeling more alone than she ever had in her life . keep moving , she told herself sternly .	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opening the door , i froze , caught completely off guard . tim shifted his weight from one foot to the other . `` hi , john , '' he said . `` i know it 's early , but do you mind if i come in ? '' a wide strip of medical tape bridged his nose , and the skin surrounding both eyes was bruised and swollen . `` yeah ... sure , '' i said , stepping aside , still trying to process the fact that he was here . tim walked past me and into the living room . `` i almost did n't find your house , '' he said . `` when i dropped you off before , it was late and i ca n't say i was paying that much attention . i drove by a couple of times before it finally registered . '' he smiled again , and i realized he was carrying a small paper sack . i asked , snapping out of my shock . `` i think there still might be a cup left in the pot . '' i was up most of the night , and i 'd rather not have the caffeine . i 'm hoping to lie down when i get back to the house . '' `` hey , listen ... about what happened last night , '' i began . i did n't mean ... '' he held up his hands to stop me . i should have tried to grab one of the other guys . '' i inspected him . `` it just happened to be one of those nights in the emergency room . it took a while to see a doctor , and he wanted to call someone else in to set my nose . but they swore it would be good as new . i might have a small bump , but i 'm hoping it gives me a more rugged appearance . '' i smiled , then felt bad for doing so . but that 's not the reason i came here . '' `` do you mind if we sit ? i still feel a little woozy . '' i sat on the edge of the recliner , leaning forward with my elbows on my knees . tim sat on the sofa , wincing as he got comfortable . he set the paper bag off to the side . `` i want to talk to you about savannah , '' he said . `` and about what happened last night . '' the sound of her name brought it all back , and i glanced away . `` you know we 're good friends , right ? '' `` last night in the hospital , we talked for hours , and i just wanted to come here to ask you not to be angry with her for what she did . she knows she made a mistake and that it was n't her place to diagnose your father . `` why is n't she here , then ? '' `` right now , she 's at the site . someone 's got to be in charge while i recuperate . and she does n't know i 'm here , either . '' `` i do n't know why i got so mad in the first place . '' `` because you did n't want to hear it , '' he said , his voice quiet . `` i used to feel the same way whenever i heard someone talk about my brother , alan . `` alan 's your brother ? '' `` did savannah tell you about him ? '' `` a little , '' i said , remembering that even more than alan , she talked about the brother who 'd been so patient with him , who 'd inspired her to major in special education . on the couch , tim winced as he touched the bruising under his eye . `` and just so you know , '' he went on , `` i agree with you . it was n't her place , and i told her so . do you remember when i said that she was naive sometimes ? she wants to help people , but sometimes it does n't come across that way . '' `` it was n't just her , '' i said . `` it was me , too . like i said , i overreacted . '' `` do you think she might be right ? '' i brought my hands together . i do n't think so , but ... '' `` but you do n't know . and if so , whether it even matters , right ? '' `` been there , done that , '' he said . `` i remember what my parents and i went through with alan . for a long time we did n't know what , if anything , was wrong with him . and you know what i 've decided after all this time ? i still love him and watch out for him , and i always will . but ... learning about his condition did help make things easier between us . once i knew ... i guess i just stopped expecting him to behave in a certain way . and without expectations , i found it easier to accept him . '' `` what if he does n't have asperger 's ? '' `` and if i think he does ? '' `` it 's not that simple , especially in milder cases , '' he said . `` it 's not as if you can pull a vial of blood and test for it .	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`` i looked through it while you were gone and i did n't see anything . '' `` if i tried to underline something important , i 'd probably end up underlining almost everything . i 've read it so many times and i always learn something new . '' `` i do n't remember you reading the bible before ... '' `` that 's because you were young . i kept this bible by my bed , and i 'd read through parts of it once or twice a week . `` have you read anything lately that you 'd like to share ? '' after she nodded , it took him only a minute to find the passage he wanted . `` it 's galatians 5:22 , '' he said , pressing the bible flat in his lap . he cleared his throat before he started . `` but when the holy spirit controls our lives , he will produce this kind of fruit in us : love , joy , peace , patience , kindness , goodness , faithfulness , gentleness , and self-control . '' she watched him as he read the verse , remembering how she 'd acted when she 'd first arrived and how he 'd responded to her anger . she remembered the times he 'd refused to argue with her mom , even when she 'd tried to provoke him . she 'd seen that as weakness and often wished her father were different . but all at once , she knew she 'd been wrong about everything . her dad , she saw now , had never been acting alone . the holy spirit had been controlling his life all along . the package from her mom arrived the following day , and ronnie knew her mom had done what she 'd asked . she brought the large envelope to the kitchen table and tore it straight across the top , then dumped the contents on the table . nineteen letters , all of them sent by her dad , all of them ignored and unopened . she noted the various return addresses he 'd scrawled across the top : bloomington , tulsa , little rock ... she could n't believe she had n't read them . had she really been that angry ? that bitter ? that ... mean ? looking back , she knew the answer , but it still did n't make sense to her . thumbing through the letters , she looked for the first one he 'd written . like most of the others , it was printed neatly in black ink , and the postmark had faded slightly . beyond the kitchen window , her dad was standing on the beach with his back to the house : like pastor harris , he 'd begun to wear long sleeves despite the summer heat . taking a deep breath , she opened the letter , and there , in the sunlight of the kitchen , she began to read . dear ronnie , i do n't even know how to start a letter like this , other than to say that i 'm sorry . that 's why i asked you to meet with me at the cafe , and what i wanted to tell you later that night when i called . i can understand why you did n't come and why you did n't take my call . you 're angry with me , you 're disappointed in me , and in your heart , you believe i 've run away . in your mind , i 've abandoned you and abandoned the family . i ca n't deny that things are going to be different , but i want you to know that if i were in your shoes , i would probably feel much the way you do . you have every right to be disappointed in me . i suppose i 've earned the feelings you have , and it 's not my intent to try to make excuses or cast any blame or try to convince you that you might understand it in time . in all honesty , you might not , and that would hurt me more than you could ever imagine . you and jonah have always meant so much to me , and i want you to understand that neither you nor jonah were to blame for anything . sometimes , for reasons that are n't always clear , marriages just do n't work out . but remember this : i will always love you , and i will always love jonah . i will always love your mother , and she will always have my respect . she is the giver of the two greatest gifts i 've ever received , and she 's been a wonderful mother . in many ways , despite the sadness i feel that your mother and i will no longer be together , i still believe it was a blessing to have been married to her for as long as i was . i know this is n't much and it 's certainly not enough to make you understand , but i want you to know that i still believe in the gift of love . i want you to believe in it , too . you deserve that in your life , for nothing is more fulfilling than love itself . i hope that in your heart , you 'll find some way to forgive me for leaving . it does n't have to be now , or even soon .	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within the hour , she found herself tucked neatly in michael 's alfa romeo , racing down the narrow , twisting roads heading toward the lake . he 'd changed into faded jeans and a casual black shirt . his hair blew loose around his face , occasionally masking his expression from her sight and adding that pirate sexiness that appealed to her baser side . her tummy fluttered and her panties grew damp . she shifted in her seat and pulled her mind from the gutter . `` have you even thought this whole thing through ? are we going to tell alexa and my brother ? what if your family visits the states ? what about venezia 's wedding ? '' he gave a deep sigh as if she worried about nonsensical items instead of a marriage . `` let 's not worry about that now , cara . i think we need a night alone to work out some things between us . '' his pointed look held a smoldering undertone of lust . she fought a shiver . damn him for controlling her with sex . she 'd always been the one in charge , and that 's the way she liked it . maybe it was time to turn the tables . `` sorry , silly female that i am . why worry about such things as vows to god and divorce ? oh , i know a great subject to talk about . your mother told me you used to race cars . '' guilt pricked her conscience as he seemed to struggle with his words . `` she told you , huh ? we never talk about that anymore , '' he murmured . `` i raced when i was young . my papa got sick , and it was time to head the family business , so i gave it up . he seemed calm , but the sudden distance in his demeanor told her emotions simmered beneath the surface . `` you were good . you could 've gone pro . '' the wind whipped her hair and the scenery whizzed by . `` do you resent having to give it up ? '' `` you never wanted to run la dolce famiglia , did you , michael ? '' his profile reminded her of carved granite . her heart squeezed and broke open . without thought , she slid her hand across the seat and grasped his . have you ever even recognized and mourned the loss of something you loved ? you were getting close to something you 'd always wanted and suddenly it was ripped away from you . i 'd be severely pissed off . '' she got a chuckle from him but he kept his gaze on the road . `` my papa and i had a difficult relationship , '' he admitted . `` he looked upon my racing as a dangerous , selfish hobby . eventually , he pushed me to choose-my career or the family bakery . i chose the circuit , so he told me to leave . i packed my stuff , went on the road , and tried making myself a name . but when i got the call that he had a heart attack , and saw him so frail and sick in the hospital , i realized my wishes were n't as important as i originally thought . '' `` i realized sometimes others have to come first . as papa once told me , a real man makes decisions for everyone , not just himself . i owed it to everyone to make the business work , and i did . in a way , i have no regrets . '' she stared at him a long time `` do you miss it ? '' he tilted his head as if considering her question . then shot her a grin . i miss racing every day . '' dear god , this man was going to break her apart . not only was he honest , he never viewed his self-sacrifice in any negative manner . how many men had she dated who whined about anything that did n't please them or fit perfectly into their own wants or needs ? no , michael held a core of beliefs she 'd never experienced with another lover . `` your family is lucky to have you , '' she whispered . just squeezed her hand as if he 'd never let her go . they reached the vacation home a few hours later . maggie inwardly laughed at the contes ' version of a rental . the elaborate mansion held its own helicopter pad , lagoon , gardens , and hot tubs . ivy climbed over the massive brick walls and matching clock tower surrounded by jungle greens and elaborate gardens . the cobblestone path led up a massive staircase where an open terrace held comfortable rocking chairs and was connected to a full bar . polished marble , brightly colored mosaic tiles , and rich chocolate browns and gold made up the color scheme . a warm breeze flew through the rooms from the open windows , and the scents of lilac and citrus flooded her senses . her heels clicked on the gleaming tile as michael grabbed a bottle of wine and two glasses from the bar , then led her upstairs . one door opened up to a huge bedroom with a king-size platform bed . the balcony doors were opened as if they were expected and the room was already prepared . a full bouquet of bloodred roses sat on the high table , serving as the centerpiece of the room .	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no sooner had i stepped onto her property than a huge brown dog of indiscriminate pedigree came rushing toward me at full speed , barking loudly enough to hurt my ears . i braced myself , certain i was about to be tackled . `` sammy , '' macy said calmly . `` this is a friend . '' sammy stopped in his tracks and stared up at me , his eyes filled with suspicion . `` go ahead and pet him , '' macy advised . `` he 's really gentle , but he 's gotten rather protective lately . '' she opened the front door and the second she did three cats raced outside . macy bent down and petted each one , murmuring words of affection . `` meet snowball , lovie and peace . '' i felt a bit silly and , not knowing how else to respond , i waved . `` they 've been cooped up inside all day , '' she explained as the cats twined themselves around her legs . she led me into the house and , not surprisingly , it looked like a disaster site . she had a number of halffinished paintings propped up against the fireplace -- or what i assumed was a fireplace . i did n't take time to study them , but each seemed different from the others . there was a landscape , a seascape and a still life -- a fruit bowl with what appeared to be one huge pomegranate . there was also a portrait of a sleeping cat , the white fluffy one . none of these paintings was completed . i hoped she understood that i was n't paying her until the mural was done . apparently , she saw where i was looking . `` i have a problem finishing ... stuff . '' `` do n't worry about the mural , though , '' she told me cheerfully . `` my car insurance premium is due and i ca n't be late , '' she said , then added in a whisper she probably did n't think i 'd hear , `` again . '' i managed to hide a smile as i continued to survey the room . a laundry basket sat on her sofa , piled with either clean or dirty clothes , i could n't tell which . the diningroom table was covered with books , newspapers , magazines and unopened mail . she 'd tried to create orderly stacks , but either the cats had interfered with her efforts or the piles had gotten jumbled on their own . we passed through the kitchen . the dishes had been washed and were set on a wire rack next to the sink . on a table in the small dining nook lay a hardcover book , opened and turned over to mark her place . i cringe whenever i see a book bent in such a fashion . i was sorely tempted to reach down and close it . this was a personal peeve of mine . i could see no reason to break a book 's spine when a bookmark would serve just as well . looking out the window , macy announced , `` harvey 's out back , sitting in his chair . he spends far too much time doing that . he never used to . '' worry tinged her voice . `` i have a feeling he 's had another bad day . '' even now i was n't sure what she expected me to do . i 'd talk to harvey and determine what i could , but i had no promises to give her . she grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the back door . `` let me introduce you . '' `` okay , only -- '' i was n't allowed to finish before she half dragged me outside . `` harvey , '' she called . `` i 'd like you to meet michael , the man i was telling you about . '' then she turned to me and whispered , `` this is just for show . '' with that , she looped her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek . turning back to harvey , she said , `` you were right all along . i was besotted from the moment we met . '' besotted ? who used a word like besotted ? harvey regarded me for a minute or so before he revealed any expression . it could have been a smile or a scowl , but frankly it was hard to distinguish which . `` i can only imagine what she did to con you into coming by , '' he muttered . `` you 're better off not knowing , '' i said . he gave a snort of laughter , then gestured toward the house . `` there 's another chair over there . he looked at macy next . `` i 've got a couple of beers in the fridge . why do n't you get them for us ? '' she seemed more than eager to comply , even though he had n't offered her one . we both climbed over the low fence , and sammy jumped after us . she bounced into the house with the mutt close on her heels . the three cats had decided to stay at her place . i carried the folding lawn chair next to harvey and sat down . macy was back with the two beers , which she handed us . then she disappeared again , leaping over the fence as if she 'd done it a thousand times , which undoubtedly she had .	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tulane set the brake and killed the engine . `` well , we 're here at miriam randall 's house . c'mon , i 'll introduce you to the old gal . '' tulane got out of the driver 's side , circled around the truck , and opened the door for her . he gave her his hand and helped her down from the high cab as if he were a gentleman . but , holy moly , his hands felt incredible-rough and warm and dry and big and manly . heat sizzled through sarah 's core . it was a miracle her clothing did n't spontaneously combust . she needed to cool it . tulane was off-limits , and it would be professional suicide to develop a crush on the guy . they headed toward the house just as the front door opened , spilling light out onto the yard . a small figure stood silhouetted in the doorframe . `` tulane rhodes , is that you ? '' `` yes , ma'am , '' tulane said , using the polite voice one used when speaking with a church lady . sarah recognized that voice . she had mastered it at a young age , since she had been surrounded by church ladies who had watched every step she ever made . maybe she and the big , bad good ol ' boy had more in common than either of them might have thought when they first met . they walked up the porch steps . `` miz miriam randall , this is sarah murray , who works for national brands . '' `` it 's nice to meet you , '' the old lady said . `` i gather ya 'll stopped by dot 's spot on your way here . '' sarah 's mouth went dry , and her words of greeting died in her throat . goodness , what now ? `` we did , miz miriam , '' tulane said into the sudden silence , as if he understood sarah 's inability to speak . `` i hope you were n't expecting us earlier . '' and you should be ashamed of yourself , taking a person like sarah to that wicked place . i 'm just so glad she studied self-defense . '' miriam smiled at sarah . `` ya 'll come on in . '' sarah choked on a nervous laugh . miriam shuffled back from the door , leaning on a cane . `` ma'am , if you do n't mind , i need to get along home , '' tulane said . `` we 've got to be up at the crack of dawn . so i 'll just leave sarah in your hands . '' he stepped back , retreating like the british at the battle of lexington . `` i 'll pick you up at six o'clock on the dot , '' he said to sarah as he climbed into the truck and fired it up . `` come on in , sarah , '' miriam randall said . `` i 've already heard a lot about you . '' sarah had no choice but to follow miriam into a sizable front parlor , stuffed with victorian settees upholstered in red velvet and striped damask silk . a baby grand piano stood in the corner between the bay window and the pink marble fireplace . hardbound books and potted plants crowded together on a bookshelf that stood against the far wall . the place smelled of lavender and resembled a set from arsenic and old lace . miriam randall wore her stark white hair in a set of crown braids and might have been the model for one of norman rockwell 's grandmothers , except for the red keds slip-ons and the rhinestone-encrusted eyeglasses . miriam sat down in one of the red velvet chairs and gestured toward the settee , her dark brown eyes sparkling behind the fifties-style eyeglasses . sarah sat down and noticed the tray on the coffee table filled with a royal doulton tea service , featuring blue borders and old-fashioned tea roses . ah yes , miriam had been waiting for her in true church-lady fashion . `` so , '' miriam said , presenting a cup of tea , `` ruby says you 're from boston , and your forebears came over on the mayflower . '' and one of my ancestors fought in the revolution . '' she neglected , of course , to point out that she also had a few hotheaded abolitionists in her family tree , as well as an ancestor who served with general sherman in the civil war . no sense stirring up trouble . `` my , is n't that nice . and you 're a presbyterian . '' sarah nodded and held her teacup just like grandmother howland had taught her . miriam had met her match . the old biddy had no idea just how stuck up her mother 's family was . all sarah had to do was pretend miriam was her grandmother .	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["grand", 2581], ["piano", 2587], ["pianos", 2587], ["corner", 2607], ["bay", 2623], ["window", 2630], ["windows", 2630], ["pink", 2643], ["marble", 2650], ["fireplace", 2660], ["hardbound", 2672], ["book", 2678], ["books", 2678], ["pot", 2689], ["potted", 2689], ["plant", 2696], ["plants", 2696], ["crowd", 2704], ["crowdest", 2704], ["crowding", 2704], ["crowded", 2704], ["together", 2713], ["bookshelf", 2728], ["bookshelves", 2728], ["far", 2755], ["wall", 2760], ["smell", 2780], ["smelt", 2780], ["smellest", 2780], ["smelled", 2780], ["lavender", 2792], ["resemble", 2806], ["resembled", 2806], ["arsenic", 2825], ["lace", 2838], ["wear", 2860], ["wore", 2860], ["stark", 2870], ["starks", 2870], ["white", 2876], ["hair", 2881], ["crown", 2899], ["crowning", 2899], ["braid", 2906], ["braids", 2906], ["model", 2936], ["norman", 2954], ["normans", 2954], ["rockwell", 2963], ["grandmother", 2979], ["grandmothers", 2979], ["except", 2988], ["slip", 3010], ["rhinestone", 3033], ["encrust", 3043], ["encrusting", 3043], ["encrusted", 3043], ["eyeglass", 3054], ["eyeglasses", 3054], ["sat", 3067], ["sit", 3067], ["chair", 3104], ["chairing", 3104], ["chairs", 3104], ["gesture", 3117], ["gestured", 3117], ["settee", 3135], ["settees", 3135], ["dark", 3146], ["brown", 3152], ["browns", 3152], ["eye", 3157], ["eyed", 3157], ["eyes", 3157], ["sparkle", 3167], ["sparkling", 3167], ["behind", 3174], ["fifty", 3186], ["fifties", 3186], ["style", 3192], ["notice", 3232], ["noticed", 3232], ["tray", 3241], ["trays", 3241], ["coffee", 3255], ["table", 3261], ["tabled", 3261], ["tabling", 3261], ["fill", 3268], ["fills", 3268], ["filled", 3268], ["royal", 3281], ["tea", 3293], ["teas", 3293], ["service", 3301], ["servicing", 3301], ["feature", 3313], ["featuring", 3313], ["blue", 3318], ["border", 3326], ["bordering", 3326], ["borders", 3326], ["rose", 3354], ["roses", 3354], ["ah", 3359], ["wait", 3389], ["waitest", 3389], ["waiting", 3389], ["true", 3405], ["fashion", 3425], 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["held", 3914], ["teacup", 3925], ["grandmother", 3947], ["teach", 3966], ["taught", 3966], ["match", 3997], ["matching", 3997], ["biddy", 4013], ["idea", 4025], ["mother", 4054], ["mothered", 4054], ["motherest", 4054], ["pretend", 4102], ["pretendest", 4102]]
probably didnt feel a thing . a pitiful moan floated up from the floor . chloe gawked at ray . dude had it coming . chloe ran down the hall . with a shake of his head , ray rolled his eyes and followed . a sleazy girl and heather , slid to a stop inside the doorway . she swore at james . she helped brian to his feet and pulled his arm over her shoulder . lets get out of this crazy house . lauren , find kathy . shes not safe here . james laughed at the irony . take her stuff with you . and when she comes down , make sure she knows she doesnt live here anymore . brian and heather hobbled across the living room and out the front door . laurens screech echoed from the bathroom . poor baby , youll probably have pneumonia . she led a soaked , zombified kathy up the hall . bye-bye , james . but he couldnt help feeling sorry for her . he held open the door and allowed them to pass . on the porch , he waited until their taillights disappeared around the curve . while dialing annas number , james walked back to the kitchen . he stomped the small flames eating a hole in the linoleum as her sleepy voice answered . is isaac there ? james , hes asleep . call back in the morning . you can talk to him then . he leaned against the counter and ran a shaky hand through his hair . but he is there ? her sigh was short and loud . the phone reverted back to his home screen . what kind of babysitter hung up on a parent ? a lot of things didnt add up , but one thing was for certain . isaac wouldnt stay with anna again . the stove was on . he turned it off and stepped over the charred mark on the floor . brians cries for mercy resounded in the back of his mind . needing to escape the reality of his actions , james walked out of the house toward his truck . one smile from joni would shed some light on his dark world . ~~~ at the roadside park , james reclined against his truck hood . under the tent , a hundred yards away , the street preacher gave a call for repentance . james scanned the near empty seats and found joni close to the front . never taking his eyes off her , he slipped his phone from his pocket . he sent the text and watched for her reaction . from this distance , he couldnt see her facial expression , but she jerked her head around and stared toward him . the tension in his shoulders relaxed as he read her reply . joni slipped out of her seat and walked out of the tent while the brunette beside her fought the crowd to the altar . beside the church bus . he shoved his cell in his pocket and watched her walk into the shadows . her phone illuminated her angelic face . he slid off the truck . his heart rate accelerated with her every step . her smile and open arms welcomed him . the guilt vanished . he crushed her against his chest and swirled her around in circles . her giggles were music to his soul . the flowery scent of her hair intoxicated him . eyes closed , he breathed her in . her arms were wound around his neck and her body was pressed close . reluctantly , he set her on her feet . she stepped up on his steel-toed boots . in the dark , he couldnt see what caused her pain . her hands gripped the lapels of his shirt . his arms balanced her against him . the tension in his muscles eased at her giggle . i lost my shoes mid-twirl . and that gravel is sharp . those flippity-flappity heels ? he bit his lip to keep from kissing her . she should be under the tent praying , but surely no one would miss her during the chaotic altar service . she shifted her weight against him . they couldnt stay in their current position . after what he did tonight , he didnt deserve the angel in his arms . her hands clenched his biceps . im gon na walk backwards . you can sit on the tailgate while i find your shoes . a moonbeam peeked from behind the clouds . trust filled her green eyes . i wont , he vowed . without breaking eye contact , he stepped back with his right leg . one the length of her dress shortened his stride . two left foot . threedont look at me like that . its like dancing . wavering at her touch , he lost count . soft arms wound around his waist . reaching around her , he dropped the tailgate . she scooted onto the seat . her hand trailed down his arm as he backed away . his arms ached at the loss of her . he slipped out his phone and touched the screen . using it as a flashlight , he found one shoe halfway under the truck and the other four feet from it . youre gon na break your neck in these things . but oh , he loved the way they looked on her .	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["walk", 1008], ["walked", 1008], ["back", 1013], ["kitchen", 1028], ["kitchens", 1028], ["stomp", 1041], ["stomps", 1041], ["stomping", 1041], ["stomped", 1041], ["small", 1051], ["flame", 1058], ["flames", 1058], ["eat", 1065], ["eating", 1065], ["hole", 1072], ["linoleum", 1088], ["sleepy", 1102], ["voice", 1108], ["answer", 1117], ["answeres", 1117], ["answerest", 1117], ["answered", 1117], ["isaac", 1128], ["asleep", 1155], ["call", 1162], ["morning", 1182], ["talk", 1197], ["lean", 1221], ["leans", 1221], ["leaned", 1221], ["shaky", 1257], ["hand", 1262], ["hair", 1279], ["sigh", 1308], ["sighest", 1308], ["short", 1318], ["loud", 1327], ["phone", 1339], ["revert", 1348], ["reverted", 1348], ["home", 1365], ["homing", 1365], ["screen", 1372], ["screening", 1372], ["kind", 1384], ["babysitter", 1398], ["hung", 1403], ["hang", 1403], ["hangs", 1403], ["parent", 1418], ["lot", 1426], ["thing", 1436], ["things", 1436], ["add", 1446], ["certain", 1481], ["stay", 1502], ["anna", 1512], ["annas", 1512], ["stove", 1530], ["turn", 1549], ["turned", 1549], ["step", 1568], ["stepped", 1568], ["mark", 1590], ["marks", 1590], ["cry", 1618], ["cries", 1618], ["mercy", 1628], ["resound", 1638], ["resoundest", 1638], ["resounding", 1638], ["resounded", 1638], ["mind", 1662], ["minding", 1662], ["need", 1672], ["needest", 1672], ["needing", 1672], ["escape", 1682], ["escapes", 1682], ["reality", 1694], ["action", 1709], ["actions", 1709], ["toward", 1748], ["truck", 1758], ["smile", 1770], ["shed", 1791], ["lit", 1802], ["light", 1802], ["dark", 1814], ["world", 1820], ["roadside", 1842], ["park", 1847], ["parks", 1847], ["recline", 1864], ["reclined", 1864], ["hood", 1887], ["tent", 1904], ["tented", 1904], ["tenting", 1904], ["hundred", 1916], ["yard", 1922], ["yards", 1922], ["away", 1927], ["street", 1940], ["preacher", 1949], ["preachers", 1949], ["give", 1954], ["gave", 1954], ["repentance", 1976], ["scan", 1992], ["scans", 1992], ["scanning", 1992], ["scanned", 1992], ["near", 2001], ["empty", 2007], ["seat", 2013], ["seats", 2013], ["find", 2023], ["found", 2023], ["close", 2034], ["never", 2055], ["take", 2062], ["taking", 2062], ["slip", 2092], ["slipped", 2092], ["pocket", 2118], ["pocketing", 2118], ["send", 2128], ["sent", 2128], ["text", 2137], ["watch", 2149], ["watched", 2149], ["reaction", 2166], ["distance", 2187], ["distancing", 2187], ["see", 2204], ["facial", 2215], ["expression", 2226], ["jerk", 2243], ["jerks", 2243], ["jerked", 2243], ["stare", 2270], ["stared", 2270], ["tension", 2295], ["shoulder", 2312], ["shouldered", 2312], ["shoulders", 2312], ["relax", 2320], ["relaxed", 2320], ["read", 2331], ["reads", 2331], ["reply", 2341], ["seat", 2372], ["brunette", 2418], ["brunettes", 2418], ["beside", 2425], ["fight", 2436], ["fightest", 2436], ["fought", 2436], ["crowd", 2446], ["crowdest", 2446], ["crowding", 2446], ["altar", 2459], ["church", 2479], ["churching", 2479], ["bus", 2483], ["shove", 2495], ["shoved", 2495], ["cell", 2504], ["walk", 2539], ["shadow", 2556], ["shadowed", 2556], ["shadows", 2556], ["illuminate", 2580], ["illuminated", 2580], ["angelic", 2592], ["face", 2597], ["heart", 2633], ["rate", 2638], ["accelerate", 2650], ["accelerates", 2650], ["accelerated", 2650], ["every", 2665], ["step", 2670], ["arm", 2696], ["arms", 2696], ["welcome", 2705], ["welcomed", 2705], ["guilt", 2721], ["guilts", 2721], ["vanish", 2730], ["vanishest", 2730], ["vanished", 2730], ["crush", 2743], ["crushest", 2743], ["crushed", 2743], ["chest", 2765], ["swirl", 2777], ["swirls", 2777], ["swirlest", 2777], ["swirled", 2777], ["circle", 2799], ["circles", 2799], ["giggle", 2813], ["giggles", 2813], ["music", 2824], ["musics", 2824], ["soul", 2836], ["flowery", 2850], ["scent", 2856], ["scentest", 2856], ["intoxicate", 2880], ["intoxicates", 2880], ["intoxicated", 2880], ["close", 2898], ["closed", 2898], ["breathe", 2912], ["breathes", 2912], ["breathed", 2912], ["wind", 2941], ["neck", 2957], ["necked", 2957], ["body", 2970], ["bodied", 2970], ["press", 2982], ["pressed", 2982], ["reluctantly", 3002], ["set", 3011], ["steel", 3057], ["toe", 3062], ["toeing", 3062], ["toed", 3062], ["boot", 3068], ["boots", 3068], ["cause", 3111], ["caused", 3111], ["pain", 3120], ["hand", 3132], ["hands", 3132], ["grip", 3140], ["lapel", 3151], ["lapels", 3151], ["shirt", 3164], ["balance", 3184], ["balanced", 3184], ["muscle", 3229], ["muscles", 3229], ["ease", 3235], ["eased", 3235], ["giggle", 3249], ["lose", 3258], ["lost", 3258], ["shoe", 3267], ["shoed", 3267], ["shoes", 3267], ["mid", 3271], ["twirl", 3277], ["twirls", 3277], ["gravel", 3295], ["sharp", 3304], ["sharps", 3304], ["flappity", 3330], ["heel", 3336], ["heeled", 3336], ["heels", 3336], ["bite", 3345], ["lip", 3353], ["lipped", 3353], ["keep", 3361], ["keepest", 3361], ["kiss", 3374], ["kisses", 3374], ["kissest", 3374], ["kissing", 3374], ["surely", 3430], ["miss", 3448], ["chaotic", 3471], ["service", 3485], ["servicing", 3485], ["shift", 3499], ["shifted", 3499], ["weight", 3510], ["weighted", 3510], ["weightest", 3510], ["current", 3559], ["position", 3568], ["tonight", 3596], ["deserve", 3615], ["deserved", 3615], ["angel", 3625], ["clench", 3658], ["clenched", 3658], ["bicep", 3669], ["biceps", 3669], ["gon", 3678], ["na", 3681], ["nas", 3681], ["backwards", 3696], ["sat", 3710], ["sit", 3710], ["tailgate", 3726], ["tailgates", 3726], ["tailgating", 3726], ["moonbeam", 3763], ["moonbeams", 3763], ["peek", 3770], ["peeks", 3770], ["peeked", 3770], ["behind", 3782], ["cloud", 3793], ["clouded", 3793], ["clouds", 3793], ["trust", 3801], ["fill", 3808], ["fills", 3808], ["filled", 3808], ["green", 3818], ["greens", 3818], ["vow", 3843], ["vowed", 3843], ["without", 3853], ["break", 3862], ["broke", 3862], ["breaking", 3862], ["eye", 3866], ["eyed", 3866], ["contact", 3874], ["right", 3907], ["rightest", 3907], ["leg", 3911], ["length", 3928], ["dress", 3941], ["dressest", 3941], ["shorten", 3951], ["shortened", 3951], ["stride", 3962], ["stridden", 3962], ["two", 3968], ["twos", 3968], ["left", 3973], ["foot", 3978], ["look", 3995], ["like", 4006], ["dance", 4030], ["dancing", 4030], ["waver", 4041], ["wavering", 4041], ["touch", 4054], ["touching", 4054], ["count", 4070], ["countest", 4070], ["soft", 4077], ["waist", 4105], ["reach", 4116], ["reaching", 4116], ["drop", 4140], ["dropped", 4140], ["scoot", 4167], ["onto", 4172], ["ontos", 4172], ["trail", 4200], ["trailed", 4200], ["back", 4226], ["backed", 4226], ["ache", 4248], ["ached", 4248], ["loss", 4260], ["touch", 4306], ["touching", 4306], ["touched", 4306], ["use", 4325], ["using", 4325], ["flashlight", 4344], ["shoe", 4364], ["shoed", 4364], ["halfway", 4372], ["halfways", 4372], ["four", 4407], ["break", 4441], ["broke", 4441], ["oh", 4476], ["love", 4487], ["loved", 4487], ["way", 4495], ["ways", 4495], ["look", 4507], ["looked", 4507]]
and then they both started laughing . * * * it was almost like writing with wren-back when she and wren would sit in front of the computer , pulling the keyboard back and forth and reading out loud as the other person typed . cath always wrote most of the dialogue . wren was better at plot and mood . sometimes cath would write all the conversations , and wren would write behind her , deciding where baz and simon were and where they were going . once cath had written what she thought was a love scene , and wren had turned it into a sword fight . even after they 'd stopped writing together , cath would still follow wren around the house , begging for help , whenever she could n't get simon and baz to do anything but talk . nick was n't wren . he was bossier and more of a showboat . and also , obviously , a boy . up close , his eyes were bluer , and his eyebrows were practically sentient . he licked his lips when he wrote , tapping his tongue on his front teeth . to his credit , he got over the g*y thing pretty much immediately . even when cath gave gay-fictional nick heavy black eyebrows and periwinkle blue wingtips . nonfiction nick had trouble taking turns ; he 'd start to take the notebook out of cath 's hands before she was done writing , and her green pen would pull across the page . `` wait , '' she 'd say . `` no , i have an idea-and you 're about to ruin it . '' she tried hard to make her paragraphs sound like nick 's , but her own style kept leaking through . it was cool when she realized he was imitating her , too . after a few hours , cath was yawning , and their story was twice as long as it needed to be . `` this is gon na take forever to type up , '' she said . `` do n't type it , then . we 'll turn it in like this . '' cath looked down at the green-and-blue-smudged pages . `` it 's our only copy . '' `` so do n't let your dog eat it . '' he zipped up a gray hoodie and reached for his ratty denim jacket . i have to clock out . '' the book cart next to their table was still heaped with books . `` the morning girl can do it . it 'll remind her that she 's alive . '' cath carefully tore their story out of nick 's notebook and tucked it into her backpack , then followed him up the winding staircase . they did n't see anyone else on their way to the first floor . it was different being with him now . different even from a few hours ago . cath did n't feel like her real self was buried under eight layers of fear and diagnosable anxiety . nick walked right next to her on the stairs , and they talked like they were still passing the notebook between them . when they got outside , they stopped at the sidewalk . cath felt some of her nervousness creeping back . she fumbled with the buttons of her coat . `` all right , '' nick said , putting his arms through his backpack . `` yeah , '' cath said . `` i 'll try not to lose our novel . '' `` our first novel , '' he said , taking the path that led off campus . she watched him go , all dark hair and blue smudges in the moonlight ... . and then it was just cath out on the quad . cath and about a hundred trees that she never noticed during the daytime . the library lights switched off behind her ; her shadow disappeared . cath sighed and got out her phone-she had two texts from abel ; she ignored them-then dialed her room , hoping her roommate was n't asleep . reagan answered on the third ring . `` it 's cath . '' `` well , hello , cath , how was your date ? '' `` it wasn't-look , i 'm just gon na walk home . i 'm already walking . '' `` levi left as soon as the phone rang . you may as well wait for him . '' `` he does n't have to- '' `` it 'll be a bigger hassle if he ca n't find you . '' `` okay , '' cath said , giving in . reagan hung up . cath stood next to a lamppost , so he 'd see her , and tried to look like the huntsman , not the little girl with the basket . levi showed up long before she expected him to , jogging down the pathway . even his jogging looked laid-back . she started walking toward him , thinking she 'd save him at least a few steps . `` catherine , '' he said , stopping when they met and turning to walk with her . `` in one piece , even . '' `` that , '' she said , `` is n't even my name . '' `` just cather , huh ? 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she knew from what steele had told her the night before that he was standing down for a while . at least until their baby was born . she had mixed feelings on that . on one hand , she did n't want to come between him and a job he was obviously passionate about . she never wanted that to be a strain on their relationship or for it to get to a point where he resented her because he was away from what he loved . but on the other hand , she was deeply relieved that he would n't be going on any missions until after the baby was born . it meant a lot to her that he was placing her and their child above everything else in his life . and if she were honest , it was a huge weight off not having to worry about him leaving at a moment 's notice and her not knowing if he 'd make it back . it was something she 'd have to get used to if their relationship worked out long term . there was no way she 'd ever ask or expect him to give up his leadership of his team and retire . but at least for now , she 'd have him here and safe until after their child was born . thinking beyond that was just borrowing trouble . it was best to take it one day at a time and cross the bridge when or if they came to it . a beep sounded and conversation came to an instant halt . steele was suddenly alert and wary and his team had also transitioned from joking and talking to utter silence . tense , poised , ready for action . she looked around in bewilderment and saw that steele was intently focused on a monitor situated in the corner of the living room-a monitor that had gone unnoticed by her until now . it lit up and she realized it was a video feed of the front gate . but she froze when she recognized the man standing at the gate staring directly into the security camera . `` hancock , '' she whispered . it was impossible to stanch the flood of panic that raced through her veins . she looked to steele for reassurance , but he 'd already risen and gone to the monitor , his features set in stone the moment he heard her whisper hancock 's name . he pushed a button and then spoke into the receiver . `` what the hell are you doing here , hancock ? '' `` let me in , steele . i have info you need and we 're wasting time having this conversation through security cameras . came in on foot . '' steele turned to his team and barked a quick order . `` check out the perimeter . see if any alarms have been triggered . but do n't rely on the video feeds . we 're not dealing with typical civilians here . if titan is here , they 're going to be a hell of a lot more careful than the average hired heavy . i want a physical search done immediately . report in immediately . '' they all scrambled up and disappeared . steele turned back to the monitor . `` strip , '' he ground out . `` only way you 're getting in is if i know what i 'm dealing with . '' maren 's view of the monitor was impeded , but hancock must have obeyed steele 's order because for a long moment steele stood , his back rigid as he focused on the monitor . after several minutes , steele spoke again . `` i 'm opening the gate . you take it nice and slow up the drive . i 'll meet you on the porch . '' steele turned and strode over to where maren sat on the couch . he bent , planting his palms on either side of her , his face inches from hers . `` i know you 're scared and i know you have no desire to see this guy . but i need to find out what the hell is going on and why he 's popped up here . i do n't want you to move from this spot . i 'm calling in one of the guys to come stay with you and i 'm leaving the others to keep watch and cover us . she nodded , trying to keep the betraying tremble from her lips . `` maybe he 's going to tell us he took caldwell down finally . '' steele did n't look hopeful and when he spoke , it was clear to maren that he was trying to ease her fears . guess we 'll find out . chapter 35 `` got him in your sights , p.j. ? '' steele murmured into his radio . `` yeah , i got him . he so much as twitches wrong , i 'll nail him between the eyes . '' `` coast is clear , boss . no sign of anyone , '' renshaw reported in . `` unless he 's got people hanging back and waiting for his order . but no one has breached our perimeter . '' `` stay on it , '' steele ordered . `` baker , you stay with maren . i do n't care what goes down , you do not leave her , and if shit goes south , you cover her and get her the hell out of here . 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i 'd had to wear long-sleeved blouses in the midst of a scorching atlanta summer until the bruises on my arms went away . `` it was n't your fault , '' grace said . deep down , i knew that was true . but higher up , near my head , i could n't get past the sense that i 'd brought what had happened on myself , that i 'd led josh on , given him false signals . i 'd liked him , been attracted to him . i would have had sex with him eventually . god , i sounded like every other date rape victim on the planet . `` why did n't you file a report ? '' you want him out there doing that to someone else ? '' `` he is n't like that . '' `` sounds to me as if he 's exactly like that . '' `` he was moving up in the governor 's office . there was talk he might even be the next governor . '' `` i did n't think anyone would believe me . i figured they 'd chalk my story up as one more scum ex-girlfriend scamming for her few minutes of fame . '' `` you do n't think this will come back to bite you on the ass later ? '' i never told anyone but you and a therapist . i doubt she 'll say anything . you plan on going to the tabloids with this , grace ? '' `` you did n't see a doctor ? '' a couple of bruises . i lived . '' `` he used a condom . '' `` in other words , he planned it . '' `` men carry condoms in their wallets . of course josh 's condom had n't been in his wallet ; it had been on his cock . talk about being prepared . `` it 's behind me now , '' i said . `` which is why you ran home . '' lake bluff needed a mayor . `` you are so full of shit i 'm surprised you do n't smell . '' `` and once again ... thank you . that helps so much . '' `` you have n't forgotten , claire . i saw you tonight with cartwright . you were scared half to death . '' her face darkened , and she stroked the butt of her gun . `` did he try to do more than kiss you ? '' he 'd grabbed me , made me feel trapped . that 's what had started the flashback . until then , i 'd been enjoying myself . `` cartwright 's out of your league . '' i stiffened , insulted , but she continued . `` guys like him pick a woman in every town . they have their fun , then leave at the end of the week . '' no need to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth . just a little horizontal mambo and away they went , never to be seen or heard from again . i wondered if i could find that kind of deal more than once a year . grace watched me closely . `` you wan na talk about atlanta some more ? '' i 'd talked and talked about it with a therapist - or at least i 'd talked as much as i was going to . talking had n't done much good . grace stood , picking up her glass and the bottle . grace would not only have arrested josh ; she would also have carved him a new hole - right where his uncontrollable penis used to be . standing abruptly , i grabbed my glass and led the way inside . we set everything on the counter . grace touched my arm . `` if you want to talk again , i 'm here . if you want to file a complaint , i can help you . '' she went to the front door and glanced at me over her shoulder . `` i just want to forget , grace . '' `` looks like that 's really working out well for you , '' she said , and closed the door behind her . i had n't moved past that night . my life had become divided into before and after . if i 'd truly forgotten , i 'd have ... well , forgotten . what had happened with josh would forever be a part of who i 'd become . it had been a life-altering experience , because here i was , right back where i 'd started , and i did n't even mind . i returned to the kitchen , planning to load the dishwasher and recork the wine . i 'd just lifted both goblets when a tiny tap made me glance up . a man peered through the sliding glass doors . i dropped the glasses . they shattered at my feet . oprah , who must have been snoozing in the hall , squalled , then thundered up the stairs . the man opened the glass door and stepped inside . malachi cartwright knelt and began to pick up the larger pieces . he tilted his head , and his hair swung back from his shoulders ; his earring glinted sharply in the overhead light . with him kneeling at my feet i felt like cinderella . too bad i 'd learned the hard way that life was not a fairy tale .	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the only other explanation that occurred to her was if the shooter had nothing to do with her father . maybe it was a crazy landowner who shot at trespassers . if only she had brought her cell phone ! but margreta was n't due to call her for several more days , and even if she had brought the phone , it would be in her backpack , which was still lying on the ground cloth . the distance of a few yards might as well be a mile . her pistol was also in the pack ; though a pistol was useless against a sniper , she would feel better if she had some means of protection . chance had n't fired ; he knew the futility of it even more than she did . his dark gold eyes were scanning the countryside , looking for anything that would give away the assailant 's position : a glint of sunlight on the barrel , the color of his clothing , a movement . the extreme angle of the late afternoon sun picked out incredible detail in the trees and bushes , but nothing that would help them . only nightfall would help , she thought . if they could just hold out for ... how long ? two hours , at most . when it was dark , then they could belly down in the little creek and work their way to safety , either upstream or down , it did n't matter . if they lived that long . the sniper had the advantage . all they had was the cover of a shallow creek bank . she became aware that her teeth were chattering again . again she clamped her jaw together to still the movement . chance spared a glance at her , a split-second assessment before he returned to once again scanning the trees for the sniper . he asked , though he obviously knew she was all in one piece . he was n't asking about her physical condition . `` s-scared spitless , '' she managed to say . he did n't look scared , she thought . he looked coldly furious . he reached out and rubbed her arm , a brief gesture of comfort . `` thank god for those beets , '' he said . the beets . she had thoroughly enjoyed teasing him about the beets , but the truth was , when she saw them in the supermarket she had been overcome by an almost violent craving for them . she wanted those beets . she felt as if she could eat the entire jar of them . could cravings start this early in a pregnancy ? if so , then he should thank god not for the beets , but for the beginnings of life forming inside her . she wished she had told him immediately when her period did n't come . she could n't tell him now ; the news would be too distracting . if they lived through this , she thought fervently , she would n't keep the secret to herself a minute longer . `` it ca n't be hauer 's men , '' she blurted . they could n't be here ahead of us , because we did n't know we were coming here . it has to be a crazy fanner , or a - a jerk who thought it would be funny to shoot at someone . '' he touched her arm again , and she realized she was babbling . `` it is n't a crazy farmer , or a trigger-happy jerk . '' it could be ! '' `` the sniper 's too professional . '' just four words , but they made her heart sink . chance would know ; he had training in this sort of thing . she pressed her forehead against the grassy bank , fighting for the courage to do what she had to do . her mother had died protecting her and margreta ; surely she could be as brave ? she could n't tell hauer anything about margreta , so her sister was safe , and if she could save chance , then dying would be worth it ... her child would die with her . do n't make me choose , she silently prayed . the child or the father . if it were just her , she would n't hesitate . in the short time she had known chance - was it really just two weeks ? - he had given her a lifetime of happiness and the richness of love . she would gladly give her life in exchange for his . the life inside her was n't really a child yet ; it was still just a rapidly dividing cluster of cells . no organs or bones had formed , nothing recognizable as a human . it was maybe the size of a pin head . but the potential ... oh , the potential . she loved that tiny ball of cells with a fierceness that burned through every fiber of her being , had loved it from the first startled awareness that her period was late . it was as if she had blinked and said , `` oh . hello , '' because one second she had been totally unaware of its existence , and the next she had somehow known.the child or the father . the father or the child . the words writhed in her brain , echoing , bouncing . how could she choose ? she could n't choose ; no woman should have to make such a decision . she hated her father even more for forcing her into this situation .	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`` i 'm not leaving , '' he told her grimly and her eyes shadowed in confusion , before flaring as she realized why he refused to go and be with his father . `` sandro , '' her voice was so low it barely carried to the man who sat inches away from her . `` you ca n't stay because of me . you have to go and be with your family . your place is with them right now . '' `` you 're my family too , theresa , '' he suddenly snapped , a maelstrom of frustration and pain welling up in his eyes . `` and i refuse to leave you here alone . '' `` hardly alone , sandro ... '' she dismissed airily . `` the staff , lisa and rick and even my father are here for me . go home to your family ... '' `` this is where i have to be , this is where i 'm staying . stop arguing with me for god 's sake ! '' `` you are not going to blame me for this too , sandro ... '' she fumed impotently , recognizing the stubborn tilt of his jaw and the steely resolution in his eyes and knowing that his mind was made up and he would n't budge on the issue unless something drastic happened to change his mind . `` the only reason you 're here now is because of my father and his corrupt little blackmailing scheme ! my father and i have messed up your life and your family enough ; do n't make it worse by staying here with me of all people , when the family you sacrificed your freedom for needs you the most . '' `` do n't you ever , '' he suddenly seethed , grabbing and gripping her hand so tightly he cut off the circulation . `` lump yourself into the same category as your father again , theresa , none of this is your fault and right now you need me too . '' `` i do not need you , '' she enunciated clearly . `` i refuse to let you martyr yourself like this . duty above all else ... is that it ? long-suffering sandro , always doing the right thing , always putting everybody else 's needs before his own . always sacrificing his own happiness at the altar of familial obligation . i am not going to be your obligation , sandro . i refuse ... go be with your family ! '' `` you are my family , damn it ! you , you , you ! '' he suddenly shouted in frustration and she jumped in fright , her jaw going slack as he leapt from the sofa to loom over her furiously . so rarely did sandro lose his cool like this that theresa simply stared up into his frustrated , wretched face in shocked silence . all the air suddenly seemed to leave his sails and his shoulders sagged as he dropped to his knees in front of her , bringing his eyes down to the same level as hers . `` i want to be here with you ... why is that so hard for you to understand ? '' his voice had dropped down to a whisper . his eyes suddenly , shockingly , filled with moisture which he made no attempt to hide from her and he muttered something in italian , his voice thick with emotion . `` i do n't understand ... '' she whispered regretfully and he reached out a large hand to cup her cheek . `` my father is dying , cara , '' he repeated in english , his voice absolutely wracked with emotion . i need you to just not fight with me right now . '' she nodded and reached out with both hands to stroke his hair back from his broad , proud forehead . the gesture seemed to undo him and his face crumpled before he wrapped his strong arms around her thickened waist and buried his face in the mound of her stomach and theresa curled her upper body protectively over his head as she whispered soothing little snippets of nothing into his hair . `` i did n't mean to make this more difficult ; i just thought that you were staying out of some misguided sense of honour and obligation . i would hate that , sandro . i would hate for you to stay and then if the ... the worst happened ... you would blame me because you could n't be there at his side . '' `` i know , '' he murmured , finally lifting his head to look up at her , his face grim and carefully neutral , despite the roiling emotion she could see in his eyes . `` and i can see why you would think that ... i have blamed you for way too much in the past and treated you terribly but you have to believe me when i tell you that the last thing in the world i want to do anymore , is hurt you , theresa . '' she said nothing ... knowing that even though it would not be intentional , he would still hurt her when he eventually left , when they divorced , when he married francesca . all of those things were as inevitable as the sunset , they would happen and they would devastate her . `` so what did you want to ask me ? '' she finally asked , without acknowledging his fervent words .	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3223], ["undoing", 3223], ["crumple", 3249], ["crumpled", 3249], ["wrap", 3267], ["wraps", 3267], ["wrapping", 3267], ["wrapped", 3267], ["strong", 3278], ["arm", 3283], ["arms", 3283], ["around", 3290], ["thicken", 3304], ["thickens", 3304], ["thickened", 3304], ["waist", 3310], ["bury", 3321], ["burying", 3321], ["buried", 3321], ["mound", 3343], ["stomach", 3358], ["stomachs", 3358], ["stomaching", 3358], ["curl", 3377], ["curls", 3377], ["curled", 3377], ["upper", 3387], ["body", 3392], ["bodied", 3392], ["protectively", 3405], ["head", 3419], ["soothe", 3445], ["soothes", 3445], ["soothing", 3445], ["snippet", 3461], ["snippets", 3461], ["nothing", 3472], ["mean", 3506], ["meanest", 3506], ["difficult", 3534], ["think", 3551], ["thinkest", 3551], ["thought", 3551], ["misguide", 3595], ["misguided", 3595], ["sense", 3601], ["honour", 3611], ["honourest", 3611], ["hate", 3641], ["hateed", 3641], ["bad", 3716], ["worst", 3716], ["side", 3791], ["sidest", 3791], ["know", 3806], 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the september sun had set only half an hour earlier , and i knew enough to keep out of sight . i was wearing black and kept to the side of the road , going so far as to cower behind some bushes when i saw headlights closing in on me . despite my belt , i had to keep grabbing for my trousers , which kept slipping over my hips . i had begun doing that so frequently , i had stopped noticing , but on that evening , with branches and twigs pulling at them , i realized how much weight i had lost . since the accident , i 'd lost my appetite ; even the idea of eating seemed to repulse me . my hair , too , had begun to fall out . not in clumps , but in strands , as if decaying slowly but steadily , like termites ravaging a home . there would be strands on my pillow when i woke , and when i brushed my hair , i would have to use my fingers to clear the bristles before i finished or the brush would slide without catching . i would flush the hair down the toilet , watching it swirl downward , and once it was gone , i would flush again for no other reason than to postpone the reality of my life . that night , as i was climbing through a hole in the fence , i cut my palm on a jagged nail . it hurt and it bled , but instead of turning around , i simply squeezed my hand into a fist and felt the blood seeping between my fingers , thick and sticky . i did not care about the pain that night , just as i do not care about the scar today . in the last week , i had gone to the site of missy 's accident and had also visited missy 's grave . at the grave , i remember , the headstone had been placed and there were still remnants of fresh earth , where the grass had yet to grow , almost like a small hole . it bothered me for a reason i could n't quite explain , and that was where i set the flowers . then , not knowing what else to do , i sat down and simply stared at the granite . the cemetery was mostly empty ; in the distance , i could see a few people here and there , tending to their own business . i turned away , not caring if they saw me . in the moonlight , i opened my hand . the blood was black and shone like oil . i closed my eyes , remembering missy , then moved forward again . it took half an hour to get there . mosquitoes buzzed around my face . toward the end of my trek , i had to cut across yards to stay off the road . the yards here are wide , the houses set far from the road , and it was easier going . my eyes were locked on my destination , and as i approached , i slowed down , careful not to make any sound . i could see light streaming from the windows . i saw a car parked in the driveway . i knew where they 'd lived ; everyone did . this was a small town , after all . i had seen their house in the daytime , too ; like the scene of the accident and missy 's grave , i 'd been there before , though i 'd never been this close . my breathing slowed as i reached the side of the house . i could smell the scent of freshly mowed grass . i stopped , my hand pressed against the brick . i listened for squeaky floorboards , a movement toward the door , shadows flickering over the porch . no one seemed to realize i was there . i inched my way to the living room window , then crept onto the porch , where i wedged myself into a corner , my body hidden from those who might pass on the road by an ivy-covered trellis . in the distance , i heard a dog begin to bark , then pause , then finally bark again to see if anything would stir . curiously , i peeked in . but i was unable to turn away . this is how they lived , i thought . missy and miles sat on that couch , they set their cups on that end table . those are their pictures on the wall . those are their books . as i looked around , i noticed that the television was on , the sounds of conversation running together . the room was tidy , uncluttered , and for some reason , that made me feel better . it was then that i saw jonah enter the living room . i held my breath as he approached the television , since he was nearing me as well , but he never looked my way . instead he sat , crossing his legs , and stared at the program without moving , as if hypnotized . i pressed a little closer against the glass to see him better . he had grown in the past two months , not much , but noticeable . though it was late , he was still in jeans and his shirt , not in his pajamas . i heard him laugh , and my heart nearly burst in my chest . that was when miles came into the room . i pulled back into the shadows , but still i watched him .	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["noticing", 390], ["evening", 412], ["branch", 428], ["branchest", 428], ["branches", 428], ["twig", 438], ["twigging", 438], ["twigs", 438], ["pull", 446], ["pulling", 446], ["realize", 467], ["realized", 467], ["much", 476], ["weight", 483], ["weighted", 483], ["weightest", 483], ["lose", 494], ["lost", 494], ["since", 502], ["accident", 515], ["appetite", 539], ["appetites", 539], ["even", 546], ["evens", 546], ["idea", 555], ["seem", 572], ["seeming", 572], ["seemed", 572], ["repulse", 583], ["hair", 596], ["fall", 622], ["falls", 622], ["clump", 642], ["clumping", 642], ["clumps", 642], ["strand", 659], ["strands", 659], ["decay", 676], ["decaying", 676], ["slowly", 683], ["steadily", 696], ["like", 703], ["termite", 712], ["termites", 712], ["ravage", 721], ["ravaging", 721], ["home", 728], ["homing", 728], ["pillow", 766], ["wake", 778], ["wakes", 778], ["woken", 778], ["woke", 778], ["brush", 799], ["brushest", 799], ["brushed", 799], ["use", 829], ["finger", 840], ["fingers", 840], ["clear", 849], ["clearest", 849], ["bristle", 862], ["bristles", 862], ["finish", 880], ["finished", 880], ["brush", 893], ["brushest", 893], ["slid", 905], ["without", 913], ["catch", 922], ["catches", 922], ["catched", 922], ["catching", 922], ["flush", 938], ["toilet", 963], ["toiletest", 963], ["watch", 974], ["watching", 974], ["swirl", 983], ["swirls", 983], ["swirlest", 983], ["downward", 992], ["downwards", 992], ["go", 1015], ["goest", 1015], ["gone", 1015], ["reason", 1057], ["reasonest", 1057], ["postpone", 1074], ["reality", 1086], ["life", 1097], ["lifes", 1097], ["night", 1110], ["climb", 1130], ["climbing", 1130], ["hole", 1145], ["fence", 1158], ["cut", 1166], ["palm", 1174], ["palms", 1174], ["palmed", 1174], ["palmest", 1174], ["nail", 1191], ["hurt", 1201], ["hurts", 1201], ["hurting", 1201], ["bleed", 1213], ["bled", 1213], ["instead", 1227], ["turn", 1238], ["turning", 1238], ["around", 1245], ["simply", 1256], ["squeeze", 1265], ["squeezes", 1265], ["squeezed", 1265], ["hand", 1273], ["fist", 1285], ["feel", 1294], ["felt", 1294], ["blood", 1304], ["bloods", 1304], ["blooded", 1304], ["seep", 1312], ["seeping", 1312], ["thick", 1339], ["thickest", 1339], ["sticky", 1350], ["pain", 1382], ["scar", 1432], ["today", 1438], ["last", 1452], ["week", 1457], ["siting", 1482], ["missy", 1491], ["also", 1516], ["visit", 1524], ["visited", 1524], ["grave", 1539], ["remember", 1567], ["rememberest", 1567], ["headstone", 1583], ["headstoned", 1583], ["place", 1599], ["placed", 1599], ["still", 1620], ["remnant", 1629], ["remnants", 1629], ["fresh", 1638], ["freshest", 1638], ["earth", 1644], ["earths", 1644], ["earthest", 1644], ["grass", 1662], ["grassing", 1662], ["yet", 1670], ["grow", 1678], ["growest", 1678], ["almost", 1687], ["small", 1700], ["bother", 1719], ["bothers", 1719], ["bothering", 1719], ["bothered", 1719], ["quite", 1753], ["explain", 1761], ["flower", 1800], ["flowers", 1800], ["know", 1821], ["knowest", 1821], ["knowing", 1821], ["else", 1831], ["sat", 1845], ["sit", 1845], ["stare", 1868], ["stared", 1868], ["granite", 1883], ["cemetery", 1898], ["mostly", 1909], ["empty", 1915], ["distance", 1933], ["distancing", 1933], ["see", 1947], ["people", 1960], ["tend", 1985], ["tending", 1985], ["business", 2007], ["turn", 2018], ["turned", 2018], ["away", 2023], ["caring", 2036], ["moonlight", 2070], ["moonlights", 2070], ["moonlighted", 2070], ["open", 2081], ["opened", 2081], ["shine", 2121], ["shone", 2121], ["shined", 2121], ["oil", 2130], ["close", 2141], ["closed", 2141], ["eye", 2149], ["eyed", 2149], ["eyes", 2149], ["remember", 2163], ["rememberest", 2163], ["remembering", 2163], ["move", 2182], ["moved", 2182], ["forward", 2190], ["forwardest", 2190], ["forwarding", 2190], ["take", 2206], ["took", 2206], ["get", 2226], ["mosquito", 2245], ["mosquitos", 2245], ["buzz", 2252], ["buzzes", 2252], ["buzzing", 2252], ["buzzed", 2252], ["face", 2267], ["toward", 2276], ["end", 2284], ["ends", 2284], ["endest", 2284], ["trek", 2295], ["across", 2317], ["yard", 2323], ["yards", 2323], ["stay", 2331], ["wide", 2370], ["house", 2383], ["houses", 2383], ["easy", 2425], ["easier", 2425], ["lock", 2453], ["locked", 2453], ["destination", 2471], ["approach", 2493], ["approaches", 2493], ["approached", 2493], ["slow", 2504], ["slowed", 2504], ["careful", 2519], ["sound", 2541], ["lit", 2561], ["light", 2561], ["stream", 2571], ["streams", 2571], ["streamed", 2571], ["streaming", 2571], ["window", 2588], ["windows", 2588], ["car", 2602], ["park", 2609], ["parks", 2609], ["parked", 2609], ["driveway", 2625], ["live", 2654], ["lived", 2654], ["everyone", 2665], ["town", 2693], ["see", 2718], ["seen", 2718], ["house", 2730], ["daytime", 2745], ["scene", 2768], ["though", 2837], ["never", 2848], ["close", 2864], ["breathing", 2879], ["reach", 2899], ["reached", 2899], ["smell", 2937], ["smelt", 2937], ["smellest", 2937], ["scent", 2947], ["scentest", 2947], ["freshly", 2958], ["mow", 2964], ["mown", 2964], ["mowest", 2964], ["mowing", 2964], ["mowed", 2964], ["press", 3000], ["pressed", 3000], ["brick", 3018], ["listen", 3031], ["listens", 3031], ["listened", 3031], ["squeaky", 3043], ["floorboard", 3055], ["movement", 3068], ["door", 3084], ["shadow", 3094], ["shadowed", 3094], ["shadows", 3094], ["flicker", 3105], ["flickered", 3105], ["flickering", 3105], ["porch", 3120], ["realize", 3147], ["inch", 3170], ["inched", 3170], ["way", 3177], ["ways", 3177], ["room", 3196], ["roomed", 3196], ["window", 3203], ["windows", 3203], ["creep", 3216], ["creeps", 3216], ["creeped", 3216], ["crept", 3216], ["onto", 3221], ["ontos", 3221], ["wedge", 3248], ["wedged", 3248], ["corner", 3269], ["body", 3279], ["bodied", 3279], ["hide", 3286], ["hides", 3286], ["hidden", 3286], ["may", 3307], ["mays", 3307], ["mayest", 3307], ["might", 3307], ["pass", 3312], ["ivy", 3334], ["cover", 3342], ["covered", 3342], ["trellis", 3350], ["trellising", 3350], ["trellisest", 3350], ["hear", 3378], ["hears", 3378], ["heard", 3378], ["dog", 3384], ["begin", 3390], ["bark", 3398], ["barked", 3398], ["barking", 3398], ["pause", 3411], ["finally", 3426], ["anything", 3456], ["stir", 3467], ["stirs", 3467], ["curiously", 3479], ["peek", 3490], ["peeks", 3490], ["peeked", 3490], ["unable", 3512], ["unabled", 3512], ["turn", 3520], ["think", 3562], ["thinkest", 3562], ["thought", 3562], ["couch", 3598], ["couchest", 3598], ["cup", 3620], ["cups", 3620], ["table", 3638], ["tabled", 3638], ["tabling", 3638], ["picture", 3665], ["pictures", 3665], ["wall", 3677], ["book", 3701], ["books", 3701], ["look", 3715], ["looked", 3715], ["notice", 3734], ["noticed", 3734], ["television", 3754], ["sound", 3774], ["sounds", 3774], ["conversation", 3790], ["run", 3798], ["running", 3798], ["together", 3807], ["tidy", 3827], ["tidying", 3827], ["uncluttered", 3841], ["feel", 3883], ["well", 3890], ["wells", 3890], ["jonah", 3921], ["enter", 3927], ["hold", 3952], ["held", 3952], ["breath", 3962], ["breathest", 3962], ["near", 4017], ["nearing", 4017], ["well", 4028], ["wells", 4028], ["cross", 4085], ["crossing", 4085], ["leg", 4094], ["legs", 4094], ["program", 4122], ["move", 4137], ["moving", 4137], ["hypnotize", 4156], ["hypnotized", 4156], ["hypnotizes", 4156], ["hypnotizing", 4156], ["little", 4177], ["close", 4184], ["closer", 4184], ["glass", 4202], ["grow", 4235], ["growest", 4235], ["grown", 4235], ["past", 4247], ["two", 4251], ["twos", 4251], ["month", 4258], ["months", 4258], ["noticeable", 4286], ["late", 4307], ["lates", 4307], ["jean", 4331], ["jeans", 4331], ["shirt", 4345], ["pajama", 4366], ["pajamas", 4366], ["laugh", 4386], ["heart", 4401], ["nearly", 4408], ["burst", 4414], ["bursted", 4414], ["chest", 4426], ["mile", 4448], ["miles", 4448], ["come", 4453], ["came", 4453], ["pull", 4478], ["pulled", 4478], ["back", 4483], ["watch", 4522], ["watched", 4522]]
he 'd begun to catalog the small things-the graceful gestures she made as a result of runway training , the soft wisps of hair that grew at the nape of her neck , and the little indentation her glasses made on the bridge of her nose . she was working her way into his heart , and he did n't know what to do to stop that from happening . abandoning the relationship would n't work , not when she needed him to help her with her invention and potentially keep away whoever was trying to horn in on it . that crowbar job on the door looked more like a man 's work than a woman 's , but a woman who kept in shape might be able to accomplish it . one thing was fairly sure-it had n't been a professional thief . a professional would have picked the lock . or maybe it was a professional and they 'd used the crowbar to make it look amateurish . when charlie considered that , he realized that he did n't know much of anything about who had broken into eve 's house . the missing notes , if in fact they were missing , were the only thing connecting the break-in to the hovercraft . someone even might have broken in by mistake , figured out they did n't have the right house , and left . all charlie could do was stay close and try to keep it from happening again . that meant that he was leaving himself wide open to the onset of lovesickness . he thought of it as a disease , one he did n't want to catch right now . but it did n't seem as if he had much choice . guiding his bike down an alley and steering around the shoveled mounds of slushy snow , he parked in his usual spot behind the bakery , right next to his mother 's volvo . his mother and aunt myrtle would have left the back door open . they were n't much better about locks than eve . eve climbed off the bike and immediately charlie missed the contact of her thighs and br**sts . why did this bakery gizmo have to malfunction tonight ? no matter how quickly he fixed it , and he planned to do it at warp speed , he 'd still lose a good hour with eve . and it would have been a good hour , too . `` what should i do with the helmet ? '' she took it off and tossed her head so that her hair fell loose around her shoulders . the back door light reflected off her tumbling hair so that sections of it turned the color of burnished copper . charlie sat on his bike and took in the show , unable to stop staring . he ached to bury his fingers in all that glorious hair , to have it rain down around his face as she leaned over him , to watch it bounce and wiggle as they writhed on her round bed . she held out the helmet . then she adjusted the fit of her glasses . it 's just hair . '' `` that 's like saying hoover is just a dam . your hair is amazing . '' `` i never thought so . i always wanted to be a blonde . '' he 'd dated several blondes in his life . three he knew for a fact were n't natural blondes . the others were an unknown-the relationship had n't progressed to the bedroom stage where he 'd inevitably find out . but all the women he knew , including his mother and his aunt , had whatever color they wanted . `` models are n't supposed to color their hair . '' but i 'm glad you do n't . it looks perfect the way it is . '' she picked up a strand and studied it . `` it 's okay , i guess . at least the ends look better now that the frizzed part from the explosion is gone . '' `` you singed your hair ? he was n't letting her do any more testing without him around . accidents could so easily happen , but if he double-checked all her work , then ... his mind stalled as a horrible thought came to him . what if the explosion had n't been an accident ? what if someone had wanted to stall the development of the hovercraft until they could steal her notes ? `` i have fast reflexes , '' she said . but the more he thought about this , the more worried he became . the explosion had delayed eve 's progress , and someone might have wanted that . `` listen , was eunice the only person who knew about the hovercraft before we all came over on monday night ? '' unless somebody caught a glimpse of it when i opened my garage door , which i did n't do very often . a couple of weeks ago i accidentally hit the button and it opened , but the only person outside was eunice , who was shoveling her driveway . '' `` does she usually shovel her own driveway ? '' she thinks it builds up her boobs . a woman who shoveled her own driveway on a regular basis would have the necessary muscles to use a crowbar on eve 's back door . but charlie was n't ready to point the finger yet . he needed to find out more about eunice before he started making accusations . `` look , eunice is n't behind any of this .	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`` i 've already jeopardized your career once . we 'll have to stay away from one another , and when the semester is over we can talk about this again . you might change your mind , you know , and decide you do n't want me . '' she looked down at her sneakers and nervously wiggled her toes . `` that is not going to happen , julianne . '' `` we 're still getting to know one another . maybe five weeks of friendship is just what we need . '' `` friends go to dinner . `` why do n't you call me ? i promise i 'll answer my phone . '' `` so when will i see you again ? '' `` at your seminar next wednesday . '' `` that 's too far off . '' `` that 's just the way it is , professor . '' julia gave him a half-smile and walked toward the door . she quickly checked her knapsack to make sure she had her keys . he stalked toward her , his eyes momentarily dark . `` no kiss good-bye for poor , lonely gabriel ? '' he whispered , his voice intentionally seductive . `` friends do n't kiss the way you do . '' he came closer , until her back was pressed up against the front door . `` just a friendly peck . gabriel brought his hand up slowly so as not to spook her and gently caressed her cheek . he smiled at her disarmingly , and she found herself smiling back . he pressed his lips to hers , firmly but lightly , and held them there . julia waited for him to do something , to open his mouth , to move , anything , but he did n't . he was frozen still , applying gentle pressure to her lips , until he pulled back and gave her a small smile . he chuckled as he traced her jaw line with the tip of his finger . as the front door closed behind her , he leaned up against the wall and rubbed his eyes , muttering to no one in particular . after gabriel returned home from a very unpleasant and slightly col-orful meeting with christa , he grabbed a perrier from the refrigerator and dialed the number of john green , his lawyer . gabriel had n't had need of john 's services for quite some time , and he preferred to keep it that way . john had some shady clients , but he was the best , and gabriel knew it , especially when it came to canadian criminal law . however , john was not a specialist in employment law , which he pointed out to gabriel more than once during their thirty minute conversation . `` i need to warn you , if observing the non-fraternization policy is a term of your employment , you violate it at your peril and at the peril of your job . so let me ask you a question - are you sleeping with her ? '' `` no , '' said gabriel tersely . in fact , my professional advice to you is to keep your distance from this girl until you hear from me . `` the girl , gabriel , the twinkie . '' `` call her that again and i take my business elsewhere . '' gabriel was a tough son of a bitch , he knew , and a bit of a brawler . and john did n't have the energy for a telephone altercation . `` let me rephrase - the young lady in question , how old is she ? '' john breathed a sigh of a relief . at least we are n't dealing with a minor . '' `` once again , i 'll pretend i did n't hear that . '' `` listen emerson , i 'm your lawyer . i ca n't give you a professional opinion on your situation until i know all the facts . one of my partners sued the university of toronto last year ; i 'll get her to bring me up to speed . but for now , my advice to you is to steer clear of this girl , but whatever you do , do n't sleep with her . `` and let me be even more explicit . do n't engage in any kind of sexual activity with her , at all . we do n't want to be drawn into a clintonian debate about what constitutes sexual relations . do nothing with her ; it does n't matter if the activity is consensual . '' `` what if we 're involved romantically , but not sexually ? '' john paused for a moment and began cleaning his ear out with the tip of his baby finger . `` i said , what if i 'm seeing her socially but there is no sexual contact . '' `` are you kidding me with this , emerson ? i do n't believe you , and i get paid to . no one else will believe you , either . '' the point is , if i am not engaging in sexual activity with my student , does our relationship violate the policy ? '' `` no one is going to believe that you 're having a relationship with a student that does not involve sex , especially given your reputation .	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instead he 'd casually put his hand on her knee , which was right within reach , and give her an encouraging squeeze . she 'd begun kneading the muscles in his back now . `` whittle ? '' `` uh , well ... it 's an idea . '' she handed him another piece of driftwood , a bigger one this time . `` it 's ready for more . '' she massaged the back of his neck . his hand shook as he laid the second piece on . the heat from the fire was making him sweat , but moving away would end the status quo and a decision would have to be made-to whittle or not to whittle . then she said his name sort of slow and drawn out , with a question mark at the end . `` remember what i told you about hideaways , how they 're good for doing secret things ? '' `` whatever we wanted to do here , we could , and nobody would ever have to know . '' `` but us . '' and hers was the only opinion he was worried about . `` well , naturally we would know , but i can keep a secret if you can . '' `` i know what you 're talking about , gen. '' `` i surely hope so , jack . otherwise , computer genius or not , i 'd think somebody dropped you on your head in the turnip patch . '' he had troubled assimilating the information . genevieve terrence , the goddess he had worshiped from afar since the day he hired on at rainbow , was coming on to him . this was the kind of scene he 'd fantasized for months , yet like an idiot , he was hesitating . jack the confident had left the building , and only jackson the insecure remained to face the challenge . she stopped rubbing his back . i thought you were attracted to me . '' he turned toward her then , not wanting her to doubt herself for a minute . oh , wow , her n*ples were making pucker marks in the material of her dress . she was n't kidding about this . he forced his gaze up to her face . sure enough , she looked upset . `` i am attracted to you , '' he said again . his equipment was programmed and ready to roll . two little creases formed in her smooth forehead . he could either tell her the truth or have her feel rejected . `` what if i 'm not as good at this as you are ? '' the small wrinkles smoothed out of her forehead and she smiled gently at him , almost as if he were some little kid she was humoring . `` i would n't expect you to be . '' he was n't sure he liked her assumption that he 'd be lousy at sex . `` i mean , i might be good at this . '' she stroked his bristly cheek with the tips of her fingers . `` probably not , jack . people improve with practice , and i ca n't believe you 've had very much practice . '' her fingertips drove him wild . he wanted to suck on her fingers , her toes , anything that presented itself to him . `` so how much practice have you had ? '' he asked a trifle belligerently . `` well , not that much , but more than you , that 's for darned sure . '' he thought again about the blw j*b discussion . he was truly an imbecile not to let her have her way with him . who cared if he showed himself up as less than studly ? at least he did n't have murder in his heart like a former boyfriend he could mention . `` since i figure you could use the practice , '' she said , `` you can practice on me . '' `` practice on you ? '' he had an image of a cpr class where everybody perfected mouth-to-mouth resuscitation procedures on mannequins . you 're gon na just lie there ? '' but i can give you pointers , jack . that way , when you get a serious girlfriend , you 'll have a better idea what to do . '' he jerked away from her and almost landed in die fire pit . i thought you were looking forward to having some fun , not engaging in tutorial sex ! '' `` we would have fun ! '' `` did you plan to draw a few diagrams in the sand first ? or maybe you could write a few instructions on yourself in lipstick . you know , with little arrows pointing to the spot in question . '' `` now , jack , you 're getting yourself all riled up over nothing . '' you 're the proclaimed expert and i 'm the proclaimed sexual dunce . look , i may not be the best lover in the world , but do n't feel you have to sacrifice yourself so that i can brush up on my technique ! '' `` i only thought- '' `` that you could teach jack a thing or two ? well , maybe you can , gen. then again , i might surprise you . believe it or not , in my own bumbling , inept way i have actually succeeded in giving a woman an orgasm .	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between soft kisses intermingled with lengthier ones , maryellen reached over to snap off the lamp . they stood and began to walk toward the stairs , but did n't make it to the first step before he gathered her close and kissed her once more . `` i do n't think i 'll ever get tired of making love to you . '' he kissed the vulnerable hollow of her throat . maryellen laughed and , walking backward , advanced one step up from him , circling his ear with her tongue . jon groaned and she moved up an additional step . he followed , his hand again seeking her brsts . this time it was maryellen who released a soft sigh of pleasure . if they did n't hurry up these stairs , they 'd never make it to the bedroom . as they kissed , maryellen tore at his shirt while he removed her robe . `` jon , '' she whispered , her voice thick with passion . they were halfway up the stairs , both partially undressed . still one step below her , he hugged her waist and buried his face between the fullness of her brsts . maryellen could feel her knees weakening . framing his face with both hands , she gazed directly into his eyes . i think there 's a more comfortable way of doing this . it 's called a bed . '' jon grinned up at her and then , in one sweeping motion , he swung her into his arms and carried her up the remaining stairs . giggling like teenagers , they fell onto the bed and into each other 's embrace . twenty-nine `` who left the milk out overnight ? '' bob demanded as peggy walked into the kitchen early tuesday morning . peggy poured coffee into her favorite mug . `` good morning to you too , sweetheart . '' `` i ended up dumping the entire half gallon . '' they both realized it could only have been hannah . peggy wished she knew what it was about the young woman that irritated her husband so much . bob took offense at the slightest thing ; the milk incident was a good example . hannah had worked the late shift at the pancakepalace and returned to the house some time after bob and peggy were asleep . apparently she 'd decided to drink a glass of milk before going to bed and forgotten to put the carton back in the refrigerator . yes , it was a thoughtless act , but it was n't catastrophic . bob had leaped at the opportunity to shriek and howl with indignation . `` stop it this minute , bob beldon , '' peggy said calmly after her first sip of coffee . `` i 'll mention it to hannah , but she does n't need you berating her . '' the girl was timid as it was , and one harsh word from bob would destroy her . `` does she think- '' `` bob . '' peggy cut him off before he could wake hannah with his ranting . `` are n't you meeting pastor dave this morning ? '' they had a standing golf date every tuesday . whether they played in the morning or the afternoon depended on the pastor 's schedule . her husband looked at his watch , frowning . `` i 'll be back before noon . '' `` yes , dear , '' peggy murmured as she headed for her chair in the living room . each morning she took a few moments to meditate before beginning her day . in those moments , she organized her thoughts and made mental plans of what she hoped to accomplish . bob was often reading from the aa big book , and she 'd gotten into the habit of claiming a little peace and quiet for herself . it allowed her to start the day in a tranquil frame of mind . bob paused at the door that led to the patio . `` you 'll say something to hannah , right ? '' he expelled his breath loudly enough for her to hear . `` do n't patronize me , peggy . '' she did n't know what had set off her husband 's foul mood , but assumed that whatever was bothering him would work its way out of his system before he finished his golf game . more than likely he 'd come home at lunchtime apologetic and contrite . a few minutes later , just after peggy had settled into her morning routine , hannah stepped quietly into the family room . her hair fell in thin brown tendrils about her face , which was ashen . she bit her lower lip , hesitating as if she was n't sure she should interrupt peggy . peggy asked softly . i did n't mean to leave out the milk . '' peggy tried to reassure her with a smile . `` i 'll pick up another half gallon before i leave for work this afternoon . '' peggy gestured for hannah to sit across from her . the girl looked shaken and peggy hoped to comfort her . hannah 's nod was tentative . `` my dad used to yell , too . '' the last thing hannah needed was for bob to do the same . `` bob did n't mean anything by it . '' `` i.. .know .	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if anything , he needed a stiff drink . he paused on the threshold of the receiving parlor and found lysette seated delicately on the edge of his yellow brocade settee . she was dressed in a bold burgundy gown , another color choice he would not have anticipated her to select but one he found potently alluring against her creamy skin . an elaborately decorated hat rested on the carved wooden side table and she twisted the strings of a matching reticule in her lap . she was the picture of elegance and gentility ... ... until she looked at him with the blue eyes that had lured him across a ballroom and into her arms . something akin to lightning raced across his skin . making him perspire . his heart rate picked up its pace and his chest rose and fell unevenly . as he entered , her expression of hesitation and wariness was swiftly replaced with heated feminine appreciation . her gaze lowered to his bared throat and her tongue darted out to caress her lush lower lip . when her eyes met his again , the raw , carnal hunger he saw in the crystalline depths hardened every muscle in his body , tightening his frame with coiling lust . a quarter of an hour ago he had wanted to strangle her . now , he wanted nothing more than to lift her skirts and ride her to a screaming clix . he growled and snapped , `` bah ! you are not worth the trouble . '' pivoting , he left the room . `` mr. quinn ... he turned about again and found her chasing after him . `` the name is simon , curse you , as you well know . '' she drew up short , her breathing as rapid as his . i am- '' `` i know bloody well who you are , you addlepated female ! '' `` lynette baillon , '' she continued stubbornly , `` daughter of the vicomte de grenier . i believe you may have known my sister , lysette baillon . perhaps intimately ... i-if last night was any indication . '' simon stood frozen , unblinking . `` you do not know me , '' she said softly . `` until last night , you and i had never met . '' chapter 9 the woman was either daft as you please , or the answer to a prayer . simon 's gaze narrowed and became examining , moving from the top of lysette's-lynette's-golden head down to the hem of her gown . he noted the artfully revealed lacey underskirts , the tightly cinched waist , and the low bodice , which displayed a tempting swell of luscious brsts . it was an ensemble designed to display the feminine charms of the wearer to best advantage . the lysette he knew did not dress to arouse . if anything , her gowns were remarkably understated . but beyond this woman 's outward appearance were deeper , more complex signs-there was no torment in her eyes and no brittle tension in her delicate frame . lynette . `` twins , '' he said , near dizzy with the sudden rush of understanding . out of all the things that should have come to simon 's mind in that moment , the only one that gained prominence was the realization that he was not insane . he did not dislike and desire the same woman with equal vehemence . he disliked lysette . he lusted for lynette . simon lunged into motion without warning , catching lynette 's elbow and dragging her back into the parlor . he kicked the door shut and tugged her about to face him . before common sense reared its head or she regained her wits enough to protest , he cupped her head in both hands and took her mouth with savage intensity . she tensed briefly , then melted . her body leaned into his , her hands circled his wrists . she whimpered and surged into him , her voluminous skirts pushing into the hardened ridge of his c*ck and urging him into a frenzy of need . he spun and pinned her to the door , his knees bending and then straightening , stroking the length of her body with his own . she gasped and his tongue stroked deep into her mouth , licking and tasting , drinking her in . as her skin heated with arousal , the scent of some exotic flower intoxicated him and made him drunk with desire . she did not smell like lysette . `` a thiasce , '' he breathed , lost in the feel of her . lynette released his wrists and reached for his waist , the feel of her small hands through the linen of his shirt inciting a ferocious , gnawing need . never in his life had he been so desperate to be inside a woman . and it was going to happen . he fumbled for the key to turn the lock , but his hands shook with such violence that he could not grasp it . with a muttered curse , simon turned his head away to see what he was doing . he glanced at her as the lock clicked audibly into place .	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he finished the set , walked off stage , giving no encore and got dave to take him straight back to the hotel . that 's pretty much how the last few shows since have been as well . and the worst thing about it is some of his fans are blaming his behaviour on me for leaving him . can you fking believe it ! some are blaming the skank i found in his bed too . but even so , it 's just more crap to add to the pile . another sharp prod to remind me of why i could never be with jake again . also , simone told me jake 's clean . she said he has n't used since i left . apparently he got in touch with his sponsor . he is n't going back to rehab , he 's doing it with the support of his sponsor and drug counsellors , so at least one good thing has come out of this whole continuing nightmare . i 'm glad he 's clean . more than glad , i 'm relieved . i might be pissed at jake , but i do n't want him hurting himself on that rubbish . `` honestly , talking to jake about any of it is the last thing i want to do right now , '' i say to vicky . `` the extent of my vocab with him will be about the tour and nothing more . i just want to go to new york , cover the show and then come back to london and get straight back to work . i just need to get back to normal - you know . '' `` i do , and i 'll support you however i can . '' `` okay , so let 's get this new york ball rolling , the quicker it 's done , the quicker you 're out - right ? so do you want me to call stuart and let him know you 're going , or do you want to call him ? '' `` i 'll call him , '' i reply without hesitation . i have n't spoken to stuart since i left . i miss him tons . `` do you have his number there , vicky ? '' i do n't have anyone 's numbers . they were all stored on my phone . the phone jake broke . i have n't got a replacement yet . there has n't been an opportunity to do so , and there 's no real point in having one at the moment . i 'd only get calls i do n't want to receive . i do miss hearing adele though . vicky gives me stuart 's number , and i hang up from her . i feel nervous calling stuart . calling him is the closest thing to calling jake . `` stuart benson ? '' his lovely warm voice comes down the line and i feel my lip instantly wobble . `` stuart , hi , it 's tru . '' `` oh ... um ... hi . '' okay , so that 's not the response i was hoping for . i guess he has n't missed me like i 've missed him . and there was me thinking we were good friends . i 'm so crap at judging people . `` i was just calling to , uh ... let you know that i 'll be coming to cover the show in new york . '' is he mad at me or something ? `` that 's great , '' he finally says . he does n't sound like he thinks it 's great . `` stuart , is everything okay ? are you angry with me or something ? '' `` no , of course not gorgeous . '' well that sounded the most stuart-like sentence i 've heard this whole phone conversation . `` it 's just something , '' he adds , emphasising on the 'something ' and my brain clicks in . `` jake 's there with you is n't he ? '' `` yes , i 'm in the car , with - something and i figured , you would n't want - you know . '' `` who the fk are you being so cryptic with ? '' i hear jake 's voice loud and clear in the background . my heart starts to hurt just hearing his voice . i hear his voice , and my head turns to mush . how the hell am i going to manage going to new york and seeing him for a whole day . i can do it for vicky and the magazine . `` i 'm talking with my boyfriend , '' stuart says to him . `` mind your own fuckin ' business . '' `` since when have you got a boyfriend ? '' i can almost hear the pause and jake 's mind working , and i just know what 's coming next . `` is that tru on the phone ? '' my heart stops dead in my chest . `` no , '' stuart says to him . `` i 'm gon na have to go lover , '' he says down the line to me , `` my ass of a boss wo n't let me - jesus christ , jake ! what the hell do you think you 're doing ? ! 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the room was silent , bar hiram 's heavy breathing , mrs. crombie 's small sobs , and mrs. wilson 's faint , asthmatic wheeze . `` now , then , '' roger said , still glaring round to prevent any further interruptions . he put a hand over mrs. wilson 's thin , age-spotted one . `` mrs. wilson- d 'ye not ken that you stand before god this minute ? '' he darted a look at me , and i nodded ; yes , she was definitely going to die . her head was wobbling on her neck and the glow of anger fading from her eyes , even as he spoke . `` god is near to us , '' he said , lifting his head to address the congregation at large . he repeated this in gaelic , and there was a sort of collective sigh . he narrowed his eyes at them . `` we will not profane this holy occasion with anger nor bitterness . now-sister . '' `` compose your soul . god will- '' but mrs. wilson was no longer listening . her withered mouth dropped open in horror . `` the sin-eater ! '' she cried , looking wildly round . she grabbed the dish from the table next to her , showering salt down the front of her winding-sheet . `` where is the sin-eater ? '' hiram stiffened as though goosed with a red-hot poker , then whirled and fought his way toward the door , the crowd giving way before him . murmurs of speculation rose in his wake , only to stop abruptly as a piercing wail rose from outside , another rising behind it as the first one fell . an awed `` oooh ! '' rose from the crowd , and mrs. wilson looked gratified , as the bean-treim started in to earn their money in earnest . then there was a stirring near the door , and the crowd parted like the red sea , leaving a narrow path to the table . mrs. wilson sat bolt upright , dead-white and barely breathing . the pulse in her abdomen skittered and jumped under my fingers . roger and jamie had hold of her arms , supporting her . a complete hush had fallen over the room ; the only sounds were the howling of the bean-treim-and slow , shuffling footsteps , soft on the ground outside , then suddenly louder on the boards of the floor . the sin-eater had arrived . he was a tall man , or had been , once . it was impossible to tell his age ; either years or illness had eaten away his flesh , so that his wide shoulders bowed and his spine had hunched , a gaunt head poking forward , crowned with a balding straggle of graying strands . i glanced up at jamie , eyebrows raised . he shrugged slightly ; he did n't know him , either . as the sin-eater came closer , i saw that his body was crooked ; he seemed caved in on one side , ribs perhaps crushed by some accident . every eye was fixed on the man , but he met none of them , keeping his gaze focused on the floor . the path to the table was narrow , but the people shrank back as he passed , careful that he should not touch them . only when he reached the table did he lift his head , and i saw that one eye was missing , evidently clawed away by a bear , judging from the welted mass of scar tissue . the other one was working ; he halted in surprise , seeing mrs. wilson , and glanced round , obviously unsure what to do next . she wiggled one arm free of roger 's grip and pushed the dish containing the bread and salt toward him . `` get on , then , '' she said , her voice high and a little frightened . `` but you 're not dead . '' it was a soft , educated voice , betraying only puzzlement , but the crowd reacted as though it had been the hissing of a serpent , and recoiled further , if such a thing were possible . agitation was making mrs. wilson tremble even more ; i could feel a small constant vibration through the table . `` ye 've been paid to eat my sins-be after doing it , then ! '' a thought occurred to her and she jerked upright , squinting at her son-in-law . `` ye did pay him , hiram ? '' hiram was still flushed from the previous exchanges , but went a sort of puce at this , and clutched his side-clutching at his purse , i thought , rather than his heart . `` well , i 'm no going to pay him before he 's done the job , '' he snapped . `` what sort of way is that to be carrying on ? ''	[["room", 8], ["roomed", 8], ["silent", 19], ["bar", 25], ["hiram", 31], ["heavy", 40], ["heavies", 40], ["heavier", 40], ["breathe", 50], ["breathes", 50], ["breathing", 50], ["mrs", 56], ["small", 74], ["sob", 79], ["sobs", 79], ["sobbed", 79], ["wilson", 97], ["faint", 106], ["asthmatic", 118], ["asthmatics", 118], ["wheeze", 125], ["roger", 152], ["rogers", 152], ["say", 157], ["sayest", 157], ["said", 157], ["still", 165], ["glare", 173], ["glaring", 173], ["round", 179], ["prevent", 190], ["preventest", 190], ["interruption", 216], ["interruptions", 216], ["put", 225], ["hand", 232], ["thin", 257], ["thins", 257], ["age", 263], ["aged", 263], ["spot", 271], ["spotted", 271], ["ye", 299], ["yed", 299], ["ken", 307], ["kent", 307], ["stood", 322], ["stand", 322], ["standest", 322], ["god", 333], ["minute", 345], ["dart", 360], ["darted", 360], ["look", 367], ["nod", 388], ["nodded", 388], ["yes", 394], ["definitely", 415], ["go", 421], ["goest", 421], ["going", 421], ["die", 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`` now i worryshe will tryto insist on stayinguntil itis set torights , orthatthe twoof you should not stay until it isbetter prepared. `` paennearly groaned at the idea . the last week of traveling back andforthhad been exhausting , butwhilethewalls of rumsfeld hadto be repaired tomake it safe to bring avelyn over , he had n't been willing tostayhere by himself . the lure of his marriage bed had called himhome each night , and he had returned only to find himself tooexhausted to enjoyit . hepeereddownat his handsand squeezedthem shut . his motherhad removed the last of the bandagesthatmorning , and while the skinfelt tight whenhe closed his hands into fists , he was wellpleased with their shape . they werea tad sensitiveand were not fullyhealed , but would do . he could n't wait to touch avelyn with them , andplanned to doso that verynight . having only journeyedone way this time , paen wassure the exhaustion that had been plaguinghim this last weekwould not be a problem and he wouldfinally beable to enjoyhis sweet , gentle wife again . his father 's startled exclamation made paen glance toward thekeep . bothmen stopped walking astheytook in thestruggle takingplaceat the top ofthe keep stairs . paen 's sweet , gentle wife , her maid and his usually dignifiedmother were yellingand shrieking and pushinga ratherlarge sowout of the castle . the three womenwere positionedat the back of the large , obviouslypregnant animal , bentover , handson the generous hindquartersas they shoved and pushed andtried toforce her through the frontdoor of the keep . diamanda and her auntwere also there . with no room leftat the back of the beast , theauntstooda safedistance away with a dubious expression . diamanda was jumping about , clapping herhands and yelling '' shoo ! '' at the top of herlungs as if she thought the louder she yelled , the more likely the animal would hear and understand her . heaving his breath out , paen started forward again . `` iguess we had best seeto this ere they get themselves bit . dotheynot know that pigs have teeth ? '' `` thequestion is , does the pig know your motherdoes ? '' wimarcgervilleasked withamusementas he followed . the two men reached the womenbefore thepig got too annoyed . paen calmly used anapple to lead the beastdownthestairs , while his father ushered the excited women inside . the five of them were standing by the trestle table when paen returned , his father shaking his head unhappily as lady gerville insisted , `` they simply can not stayhere , wimarc. `` `` 'twillbe fine , mylady , '' avelyn said , but lady helen shookherheadand added hersupport to lady gerville . `` your wifeis right , my lord . avelyn is a gentlybred lady , a noblewoman . you can not expect thepoor child to stay in this rubble. `` `` weare staying , '' paen said firmly as hewalked up to them . hismother turned a displeased scowl his way , but - despite his helplessness the last two weeks - paen wasnot a child . `` we will have this placecleaned up and in proper order in no time now that avelyn is hereto direct the servants . she can tendto the inside , while i see to the outside ofourhome . by the timeyou return fora visit , it will bein good shape. `` `` i agreewith the boy , christina , '' lord gerville said . `` this is tobe their home now , andtherepairswill gomuch more quickly if theyarehere full-time ratherthan wasting somany hoursriding backandforth to gerville everyday. `` `` fine , '' lady gervillesaid abruptly . `` then ishall stay as well , to help. `` `` christina , '' lord gerville chided . `` do you stay , youwill simply takeover the task asyou wouldat home . 't is the girl 's home . let her tend itas she seesfit. `` `` but ... '' ladygerville peered around attheruin . `` thereis so much to get done beforethey willbe near comfortable . help would make it allgo so much more quickly. `` `` icould stay to help , '' diamanda offered . `` that is a fine idea , '' paen said , then shruggedwhen everyoneturned tostare at him . `` she can help out , and be companyfor avelynas well . if lady helen willallow it , '' he added . diamanda'sauntpursedherlips , thennodded . `` certainlywe can stay . it will be useful for diamanda .	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i catch myself sinking my teeth into my own lip as i imagine him drawing it in between his teeth . `` i 'm offering you ms. previn 's home in exchange for your ... services . and you have to cater to my every need . then , i 'll personally sign over the deed to your grandmother 's home . '' i let his words sink into my brain sluggishly , like spoiled molasses . let the shame wash over me . `` i 'm not like that , '' i whisper , turning my face away from him so he does n't see the tears threatening to spill down my cheeks and ruin the makeup i so carefully applied . he catches my chin between his thumb and forefinger , forcing me to look at him . he gives me a sarcastic , pouty expression and i clench my fingers into the fabric of my dress so i do n't try to smack it right off . just took you for the type who likes to work for the things she wants . '' what he 's just said - it takes everything cruel comment preston ever made to me when we were dating , adds them together , and multiplies them . `` i 'm not going to fuck you for money , lucas . '' he does n't try to stop me as i stiffly maneuver my way out of the booth . i 'm three steps away from the table , and struggling with the bitter urge to just break down bawling , when he says , `` there 's no fucking involved . '' his voice is so soft and cold , it makes me shiver , like a gust of wind has just swept through the room . warily , i take a peek over my right shoulder . he 's pushed his salad away , and has his arm draped over the back of the booth , expecting me to sit back down . but what 's surprising is his face . the sardonic look is gone , and is replaced by one that 's apologetic - a look that 's earnest . `` sit and we 'll talk . '' another order , but he has my attention . he knows there 's no way in hell i 'm exiting this restaurant without finishing this conversation now . quietly , i climb into the booth , sitting in a way that we 're facing each other . i can feel his eyes blistering into me as i play with my fork , twirling it between my fingers while i wait for him to explain himself . he lets me sweat for a couple minutes - allows me to think of so many scenarios that i 'm squirming in my seat . i tap the toe of my shoes on the hard floor , beating out a staccato rhythm . he takes a breath and then , at last , he speaks . `` kylie 's going on vacation to new orleans and i need a personal assistant while she 's away . '' `` a personal assistant , '' i repeat , and he bows his head , smiling at me so politely i 'm sure it hurts his face . polite on lucas wolfe is about the same as aggressive on me - outright awkward . `` mmmhmm , and naturally i want someone i already know . me - the same wardrobe girl who was banned from ever working on the set of a your toxic sequel anything ever again . the same girl who 'd shot him down after he tried to convince her to be bound to his bed . the same girl he still wants to bind . `` you want me to work for you because you just want to have sex with me , '' i snarl . blowing out a noisy breath , i continue , `` you can call me a personal assistant all you want , but this is because of sex . so why not just ask me to screw you ? '' he smiles that unsettling smile that makes me question my sanity for still being near him . the same smile that also makes me wonder why i 'm not throwing my body into his arms right this instant . because of what he 'll do to you , that little voice in the back of my head warns me . he 'll take everything and wo n't give a damn thing in return . `` this is work of the non-sexual variety . '' `` and where does my grandma 's house come into play ? '' it 'll be your paycheck . you play my game for ten days , i give you the house . '' the sip of water i 'm swallowing goes down the wrong way , and i choke on it , clutching at my chest . he moves closer , his face wrinkled with concern . gasping , i manage to assure him that i 'm fine . then i squeeze the bridge of my burning nose as i try to give his words a chance to fully register . he wants me to work for him . in exchange for gram 's house . i demand , in a rough voice i 've never even heard myself use before . his eyebrows arch , and the corners of his lips quirk up . `` that 's not even - is that even plausible ? that would have to be the most idiotic business decision ever . ''	[["catch", 7], ["catches", 7], ["catched", 7], ["sink", 22], ["sank", 22], ["sinking", 22], ["tooth", 31], ["teeth", 31], ["lip", 47], ["lipped", 47], ["imagine", 60], ["draw", 72], ["draws", 72], ["drawn", 72], ["drawing", 72], ["offering", 115], ["ms", 122], ["home", 138], ["homing", 138], ["exchange", 150], ["service", 172], ["servicing", 172], ["services", 172], ["cater", 196], ["every", 208], ["need", 213], ["needest", 213], ["personally", 239], ["sign", 244], ["deed", 258], ["grandmother", 278], ["let", 297], ["lets", 297], ["word", 307], ["words", 307], ["sink", 312], ["sank", 312], ["brain", 326], ["brained", 326], ["braining", 326], ["sluggishly", 337], ["like", 344], ["molasse", 361], ["molasses", 361], ["shame", 377], ["shamed", 377], ["wash", 382], ["whisper", 429], ["turn", 439], ["turning", 439], ["face", 447], ["away", 452], ["see", 480], ["tear", 490], ["teared", 490], ["tears", 490], ["threaten", 502], ["threatening", 502], ["spilt", 511], ["spill", 511], 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and there 's more to them than simply biting you on the neck . they 're complicated affairs , and i 've never turned anyone . '' `` i 've never felt the desire to add another being to our kind . of course , that does n't mean i have n't heard of the existence of ancient myths and legends explaining how to do it . i 'll have to start my research in europe . i know your time is limited , so we have to hurry . '' `` so , let me see if i understand this . you 've been starving yourself for a long time , for whatever reason , and you want to cure me , because you love me , but you have to cure yourself first ? '' `` okay , so let 's assume you can cure yourself . his cool hand slid around my neck , and he pulled me closer , until our foreheads touched . he whispered , `` heal me . then i 'll heal you . '' my cheeks heated up as i reacted to his touch . i bit my lower lip so hard that i tasted blood . jakob became agitated and leaned away , but not before i heard a low growl . i pictured myself roaming all over the world , forever , as one of the undead . with jakob by my side , i admit the prospect held some appeal . but if i was to be alone forever , though . there were so many questions i should have asked , but did n't . again , as if he 'd read my mind , he said , `` once you 're healed , you 'll have to decide what you want to do with your new life . '' `` i do n't think you 'll want to be near them . the turning changes people . you 'll look physically different , not to mention that it 's going to take some time before you learn to control your appetite so that you can be near people without feeding on them . i love you , abigail , and i want you by my side forever , but i wo n't hold you back , if that 's what you 're afraid of . he placed a hand over his heart in a modified scout 's honor gesture . no one would miss me if i decided to embark on this last adventure . i hung out or went shopping with suzie and carole , other real bloodsuckers like me working at the clinic . but they had kids and significant others and lives of their own . as for mom and dad , well , that was a whole other story . `` we 'd be gone for a few months , '' jakob said . i realized those few months would probably be the rest of my life . did i want to stay here and mope until the day i died , or did i want to see the world on jakob 's arm ? `` this is n't a decision to be made lightly . i 've been alive for so long , abigail . the world has changed many times over . you ca n't imagine what it feels like to watch dynasties rise and fall , while one keeps existing . my friends and family died so long ago ; i barely remember them . i 'm alone in this world . alone and lonely . i am the last of the kethules . '' i do n't know what a kethule is . '' `` an old tribe . but it would become your new family if you took my cure . '' `` so , you 're lonely and tired of existing ? is that why you 've been starving yourself all these years ? '' one hundred years , my brain whispered . `` short answer : yes . '' apparently , it took a lot to kill a vampire . `` are you reconsidering my offer ? '' he asked , trying to decipher whatever expression he saw on my face . i patted his concerns away . traveling in europe with a suicidal vampire searching for some mythical cure ? we kissed to celebrate my decision . our lips touched , and i immediately became light-headed . i could n't tell if he had taken some of my precious life with that kiss or given me an overdose of his . we both wanted more . his lips parted and so did mine . i gasped when the points of his razor-sharp teeth pricked my tongue . my heart hammered in my chest as i sat back in my chair . i 'd never been kissed like that before . i still felt as if i might faint at any second . and jakob looked troubled , his hand shook as he held his coffee , creating tiny concentric ripples on the surface . he seemed to need a moment to collect himself . when he spoke again , he added some conditions to my joining him : i 'd have to travel lightready to move at a moment 's noticeand i could n't correspond with anyone . no letters to friends . no phone calls to family . no twitter or pinterest . well , now i wondered if dr. jakob farkas was n't a serial killer maneuvering to get me alone with him so that he could do me .	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there were a lot of maybes , all of them possible . as good as he was with computers , maybe he had somehow gotten into the base computers and logged her both in and out of the building that morning . she did n't know and might never find out . but what would cal do now , if he were guilty ? if the programs had been tampered with , he would know that analysis would discover it . would he try to get back into the program and cover his tracks by undoing what he had done , hoping that the analysis would n't go any further than a simple comparison ? or would he try to plant more evidence against her ? she had to go with the second option . it was so much more feasible . why would cal go to so much trouble only to undo it ? no , as long as the finger was pointing toward her , he would be smart to try to make certain it remained pointing in that direction . her heart suddenly began thundering in her chest . if cal were guilty , if he were going to do anything else , he would have to do it tonight , while things were still in an upheaval . given enough tune , the security net would settle down so tightly that nothing would be able to escape , but there were still windows of opportunity when things first started happening . she knew the entire laser team was being restricted from the work area , but had their bar codes already been deleted from the computers ? the military worked a lot like big business when it came to office work : most of it was done during the day . since the restriction order had only been issued that night , had captain hodge called in someone to enter it into the computer or left it to be done first thing in the morning ? knowing human nature , she would bet on the latter . after all , she was the only one under suspicion , and she was probably under surveillance in the interim . on a hunch she rolled out of bed and silently walked to the small , old-fashioned crank-out window set high in the wall in the kitchen area . she had to stand on a chair to see out of it . sure enough , a security police car was parked on the opposite side of the street . in the glow of the streetlight she could plainly see two men in the front seat . they were making no effort to disguise their purpose , but then , why should they ? this was n't clandestine surveillance , but plain old guard duty . there was , however , another high , narrow window in the bedroom . in the almost total darkness she carefully made her way back to the bedroom and stared at the small oblong of light in the wall . a man certainly could n't get through there , and she had doubts that she could , either . nevertheless , she stood on the bed and peeped out . that side of the street was empty . well , there was no point in putting herself to a lot of trouble if cal was peacefully sleeping in bed . she must n't let herself forget that he might be totally innocent , that he had indeed verified her story . innocent until proven guilty was the law of the land , though captain hodge could use a little refresher course in the concept . she did n't want to turn on any lights , alerting those two out front that she was awake , so she dialed cal 's number by feel . what better way to find out if he was in his quarters than to call him ? if he answered , she might even chat awhile . by the fifth ring she began to have serious doubts that he was there . she let it ring longer , just in case he was sleeping very soundly , but on the twentieth ring she replaced the receiver . twenty rings , especially since the phones were installed right beside the beds to make certain the occupants would be awakened by any middle-of-the-night phone calls , would wake even the soundest of sleepers . cal was n't in his quarters . she clenched her teeth in anger . she had thought he was her friend ; she had liked him , trusted him . first joe , now cal . her mind immediately shied away from joe , because that hurt was too powerful to linger over . it was much safer to focus her anger on cal . she stared up at that little window again . two long , narrow louvered panes that cranked out to let the built-up heat of the day escape . she would have to dismantle the entire mechanism in the dark , and even then , she was n't certain she would fit through the slot . well , she would never know if she did n't try . working on lasers and computers had made her familiar with tools , and she never traveled anywhere without a small pouch containing a selection of screwdrivers and pliers , because she never knew when she would need them . she fetched the pouch from the closet and dumped the tools out on the bed . problem was , in the dark she could n't tell which tool she needed .	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i wiped ian 's face gently with the cloth . `` the diamond did . '' he made a feeble attempt at an adolescent 's bawdy laugh , but it faded into a harsh , rasping cough . `` no amethysts here , i 'm afraid , '' i said . `` but there 's wine , if you want it . '' he did , and i helped him to drink it-well diluted with water-then eased him back on the pillow , flushed and heavy-eyed . lord john had lain down , too , and lay watching , his thick blond hair unbound , spread out on the pillow behind him . `` that 's what she wanted wi ' the lads , ye ken , '' ian said . his eyes were shut tight against the light , but he could clearly see something , if only in the mists of memory . he licked his lips ; they were beginning to dry and crack , and his nose was beginning to run . `` she said the stone grew in a lad 's innards-the one she wanted . she said it must be a laddie who 'd never gone wi ' a lass , though , that was important . if he had , the stone wouldna be right , somehow . if he h-huh-had one . '' he paused to cough , and ended breathless , nose dripping . i held a handkerchief for him to blow . `` what did she want the stone for ? '' lord john 's face bore a look of sympathy-he knew only too well what ian felt like at the moment-but curiosity compelled the question . i did n't object ; i wanted to know too . ian started to shake his head , then stopped with a groan . oh , god , my head will split surely ! i dinna ken , man . she didna say . only that it was needful ; she must have it to be s-sure . '' he barely got out the last word before dissolving into a coughing attack that was the worst yet ; he sounded like a barking dog . `` you 'd better stop talk- '' i began , but was interrupted by a soft thump at the door . instantly i froze , wet cloth still in my hand . lord john leaned swiftly from the bed and took a pistol from inside one of his high cavalry boots on the floor . a finger to his lips to enjoin silence , he nodded toward jamie 's pistols . i moved silently to the sideboard and grasped one , reassured by the smooth , solid heft of it in my hand . lord john called , in a surprisingly strong voice . there was no answer save a sort of scratching , and a faint whine . i sighed and laid the pistol down , torn between irritation , relief and amusement . `` it 's your blasted dog , ian . '' lord john spoke in a low voice , pistol still aimed unwaveringly at the door . `` it might be an indian trick . '' ian rolled over with an effort , facing the door . he shouted , his voice hoarse and cracking . hoarse or not , rollo knew his master 's voice ; there was a deep , joyful `` warf ! '' from outside , succeeding by frantic scratching , at a height some four feet from the ground . `` beastly dog , '' i said , hurrying to open the door . `` stop that , or i 'll make you into a rug , or a coat , or something ! '' giving this threat the attention it deserved , rollo bounded past me into the room . exuberant with joy , he launched his hundred and fifty pounds from the middle of the floor and landed directly on the trundle bed , making it sway dangerously , joints screeching in protest . ignoring a strangled cry from the bed 's occupant , he proceeded to lick ian madly about the face and forearms-the latter being flung up as a wholly inadequate defense to the slobbering onslaught . `` bad dog , '' ian said , making ineffectual efforts to push rollo off his chest , giggling helplessly in spite of his discomfort . `` bad dog , i say-down , sir ! '' `` down , sir ! '' lord john echoed sternly . rollo , interrupted in his demonstrations of affection , rounded on lord john , his ears laid back . he curled his lip , and gave his lordship a good look at the condition of his back teeth . lord john started , and raised his pistol convulsively . `` down , a dhiobhuil ! '' ian said , prodding rollo in the hindquarters . `` take your hairy arse out o ' my face , ye wicked beast ! '' rollo instantly dismissed lord john from consideration , and padded around on top of the trundle , turning three times and kneading the bedding with his paws before collapsing next to his master 's body . he licked ian 's ear , and with a deep sigh , laid his nose between his large muddy paws on the pillow .	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he yelled as he ran toward her . marcus tried grabbing ahold of him as he ran past , but couldnt catch him . jerome crashed into camilla , knocking her to the ground . he wrapped his hands around her throat and squeezed with everything he had . being a solarian , he refused to use his powers to attack her because he was afraid it would add to the fire already surrounding them and harm marcus , angelica and thomas . jerome , stop ! angelica shouted as she struggled against thomas hold on her body . he wouldnt let go of her knowing , if he did , she would run toward the fire to try to pull jerome back from her mother . let me go thomas . let your father handle it . i cant let you go over there and get hurt . thomas said , pleading for her understanding with his eyes . we cant just stand here and watch . that fire is getting closer and closer to them . angelica pleaded with him , still fighting against his hold on her . thomas looked around at the scene playing out before them , like a horrible nightmare , and nodded his head in agreement . he saw marcus pull jerome off of camilla as he set angelica back on her feet . were going to work on putting the fire out . let your father handle your mother and jerome . he told her and she nodded at him in agreement . they both turned in unison and focused their powers on the fire . being lunarians , they could at least keep it from closing in on them even more . angelica did her very best to tune out the struggle going on between her mother , father and close friend . all people who mattered deeply to her . out of the corner of her eye , she kept tabs on what was going on with them though . dont do me any favors marcus . camilla sneered as her mate struggled with the nearly insane jerome , to keep him from killing her right there . i may not agree with the decisions you make or the things you do , but you are my mate and i love you no matter what . we will figure all of this out when i get there . marcus told her in such a heartfelt manner it brought tears to angelicas eyes . for the first time , she completely understood why marcus didnt always stand up to camilla for her when her mother was going through her many rants . even now , he was doing everything he could to protect her when he knew she deserved everything jerome wanted to do to her for killing his mate . i am not going anywhere near that place , ever again . her mother told her father in a disgusted voice . nobody ever has to know you left the house . i will get him under control and we will work this out . marcus pleaded once again . you know , i am quite frankly tired of listening to your sniveling drivel . camilla said as she unsheathed a long , silver dagger from behind her back and stepped over to where marcus and jerome were still struggling . marcus was barely holding onto his friend and keeping his mate alive . the fire was so close he could feel the blazing heat licking at his skin . marcus shouted at her , as his shock caused him to lose his grip on jerome and the man fell to the ground from the unexpected release . i am doing what i should have done a long time ago . i am freeing myself of you . she sneered as she drove the blade deep into marcus heart . jerome grabbed her from behind , having climbed back on his feet . as he yanked her away from marcus , she kept her grip on the handle of the dagger and ripped it out of her mates chest . horror filled angelica as she watched the scene play out in front of her . she screamed and diverted her attack from helping to contain the fire , toward her mother . thomas grabbed hold of her as she started toward camilla , anguish fueling her to confront her over the murder of her father . its too late , you cant save him . dont get yourself killed trying . thomas tried reasoning with the distraught angelica , but she struggled against his hold regardless of everything he said to her . he felt a deep sadness in his heart as he watched his new father-in-law fall bleeding and dead into the fire , now licking at their heels . thomas grabbed angelicas hands and pulled them down to her sides to stop her attack on her mother , before she ended up pushing both camilla and jerome into the fire herself . she has to pay for this . angelica screeched out , with tears flowing down her cheeks like waterfalls , washing all of the make-up left on her face away , fighting against thomas hold with everything she had inside of her . its over angelica . dont turn yourself into what she is because of your pain . thomas told her as he held on tight . angelica went limp in his arms at his words . he knew she was deathly afraid of being like her mother . ive got her sweet girl .	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teach me the rules . '' he blinked away , looking torn . `` the 'rules ' ? i do n't ... '' he shivered , letting his words fall away as he reached up to scratch his jaw . `` i 'm not sure i am qualified to help you meet guys . '' `` you went to yale . '' that was years ago , ziggs . i do n't think they offered this in the course catalog . '' `` and you were in a band , '' i continued , ignoring that last part . finally , amusement lit up his eyes . `` my point is that i went to mit and played dandd and magic- '' `` hello , i was a fking dandd pro , ziggs . '' `` my point , '' i said , ignoring him , `` is that yale-attending , lacrosse-playing former bass players might have ideas about how to improve the dating pool options of bespectacled , nerdtastic geeks . '' `` are you fking with me right now ? '' instead of answering , i crossed my arms over my chest and waited patiently . it was the same stance i 'd adopted back when i was supposed to be rotating through several labs to help decide what type of research i wanted . but i did n't want to do lab rotations for my entire first year of graduate school ; i wanted to get started on my research with liemacki , immediately . i 'd stood outside his office after explaining why his work was perfectly positioned to move away from viral vaccine research into parasitology , and what i thought i could work on for my thesis . i 'd been prepared to stand like that for hours , but after only five minutes he 'd relented and , as the chair of the department , made an exception for me . will looked off into the distance . i was n't sure if he was considering what i was saying , or deciding whether he should just start running and leave me wheezing in his snow-dust . `` okay , well , rule one of having a broader social life is never call anyone except a cab before the sun is up . '' he studied me , eventually motioning to my outfit . we 'll go out and do stuff . '' he winced , waving vaguely at my body . `` i do n't really think you need to do anything but ... fuck , i do n't know . you 're wearing your brother 's baggy sweatshirt . correct me if i 'm wrong , but i have a feeling that 's pretty standard attire , even when you 're not jogging . '' `` though it is kind of cute . '' `` i am not dressing like a hoochie . '' `` you do n't have to dress like a hoochie . '' he straightened , messing up his hair before tucking it beneath his beanie again . you 're a ballbuster . do you know chloe and sara ? '' `` are those some girls you 're ... not dating ? '' `` oh , hell no , '' he said with a laugh . `` they 're the women who have my best friends by the balls . i think they 'd be good for you to meet . swear to god you 'll all probably be best friends at the end of the night . '' chapter two `` so wait , '' max said , pulling out his chair to sit down . `` is this jensen 's sister you shagged ? '' `` no , that 's the other sister , liv . '' i sat across from the brit and ignored both the amused grin on his face as well as the uncomfortable twist in my stomach . `` and i did n't shag her . we just hooked up a little . the youngest sister is ziggy . she was only a kid that first time i went home with jensen for christmas . '' `` i still ca n't believe he took you home for christmas and you made out with his sister in the backyard . i 'd kick your ass . '' he reconsidered , scratching his chin . `` ah f**k that . i would n't have given a shit . '' i looked at max , felt a small grin pull at my mouth . `` liv was n't there when i came back a few years later for the summer . i behaved myself the second time around . '' all around us , glasses clinked and conversation carried on in a quiet murmur . tuesday lunch at le bernardin had become a routine for our group in the past six months . max and i were usually the last ones to the table , but apparently the others had been held up in a meeting . `` i suspect you want an award for that , '' max said , studying his menu before closing it with a snap . truthfully , i 'm not sure why he even bothered to open it in the first place . he always got the caviar for his first course , and the monkfish for the main course .	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mama did n't let me wash that until i was ten or so , for fear i 'd drop it , and when i got to wash it at last , i was so proud ! i can still see every last thing in the china cabinet in the living room : mama 's great-grandfather 's hand-painted cake stand ( he was an artist , she said , and won a competition with that cake stand , a hundred years ago ) , the dozen crystal goblets that daddy 's mother left him , along with the cut-glass olive dish and the cup and saucer hand-painted with violets and gilt rims . i was standing in front of it , putting away the china-but we did n't keep the china in that cabinet ; we kept it in the shelf over the oven-and the water was overflowing from the sink in the kitchen , and running out across the floor , puddling round my feet . then it started to rise , and i was sloshing back and forth to the kitchen , kicking up the water so it sparkled like the cut-glass olive dish . the water got deeper and deeper , but nobody seemed to be worried ; i was n't . the water was warm , hot , in fact , i could see steam rising off it . that 's all there was to the dream-but when i got up this morning , the water in the basin was so cold i had to warm water in a pan on the fire before i washed jemmy . all the time i was checking the water on the fire , i kept remembering my dream , and all those gallons and gallons of hot , running water . what i wonder is , these dreams i have about then-they seem so vivid and detailed ; more than the dreams i have about now . why do i see things that do n't exist anywhere except inside my brain ? what i wonder about the dreams is-all the new inventions people think up-how many of those things are made by people like me-like us ? how many `` inventions '' are really memories , of the things we once knew ? and-how many of us are there ? `` it is n't really that hard to have hot , running water . roger only half-heard , concentrated as he was on the object taking shape beneath his knife . `` i mean , it would be a big , horrible job to do . but it 's simple in concept . dig ditches or build sluices-and around here , it would probably be sluices ... ... '' `` it would ? '' here was the tricky bit . he held his breath , chiseling delicate , tiny slivers of wood away , one shaving at a time . `` no metal , '' bree said patiently . `` if you had metal , you could make surface pipes . but i bet there is n't enough metal in the whole colony of north carolina to make the piping you 'd need to bring water from the creek to the big house . let alone a boiler ! and if there was , it would cost a fortune . '' feeling that this was perhaps not an adequate response , roger added hastily , `` but there 's some metal available . jamie 's still , for instance . '' his wife snorted . i asked him where he got it-he said he won it in a high-stakes game of loo against a ship 's captain in charleston . think i could travel four hundred miles to bet my silver bracelet against a few hundred feet of rolled copper ? '' one more sliver ... two ... the smallest scrape with the tip of the knife ... ah . the tiny circle came free of the matrix . it turned ! `` er ... sure , '' he said , belatedly realizing that she 'd asked him a question . `` you have n't heard one single word i 've said , have you ? '' `` oh , sure i have , '' he protested . `` 'ditch , ' ye said . and 'water . ' i 'm sure i remember that one . '' she snorted again , though mildly . `` well , you 'd have to do it , anyway . '' his thumb sought the little wheel , and set it spinning . `` gamble . no one 's going to let me into a high-stakes card game . '' `` thank god , '' he said , in reflex . `` bless your little presbyterian heart , '' she said tolerantly , shaking her head . `` you 're not any kind of a gambler , roger , are you ? '' `` oh , and you are , i suppose . '' he said it jokingly , wondering even as he did so why he should feel vaguely reproached by her remark . she merely smiled at that , wide mouth curving in a way that suggested untold volumes of wicked enterprise . he felt a slight sense of unease at that . she was a gambler , though so far ... he glanced involuntarily at the large , charred spot in the middle of the table . `` that was an accident , '' she said defensively . at least your eyebrows have grown back . 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he pulled his 2002 trans am up next to mine , and my fingers tightened on the wheel . he carried some weight . some people bet against me tonight in favor of him . kind of insulting , but it served my needs . the smaller the odds , the bigger the payoff . zack called out , his voice deep and commanding . `` clear the track for the main event of the evening . '' chapter 20 with the college kids back at school , we had fewer races happening now than during the summer . madoc 's and mine were the only ones tonight . reaching into the pocket of my jeans , i dug out the fossil necklace and hung it around my rearview mirror . i caught sight of tate watching me through the rearview mirror , and my throat got thick . i did n't know if she could see , but i definitely did n't want her to . the necklace , her mother 's , would be hard to explain . devon peterson , one of the few hot girls i would n't touch with a ten foot pole , sauntered up in front of our cars in her short school-girl skirt and spaghetti strap shirt . she was a year behind me in school and had made it very obvious that she was available if i was interested . she was actually down to earth and nice , but she was nice to everybody . sometimes you just had to know when a good time was n't worth the risk . she called out , her eyes sparkling at me . my left knee bobbed while holding in the clutch . no girls , no parents ... just me , running from all of them . roman and i revved our engines . my legs jerked into action , one easing off of the clutch , and the other hitting the gas with full force . the tires spun for a brief second before roman and i took off down the track . my stomach dropped , and i smiled at the feeling . i loved this shit . gripping the steering wheel , i pounded in the clutch again as i shifted into second and then straight into third . i 'd often forget and try to skip gears the way i did when i was n't racing , but you ca n't do that on a track . my mother got aggravated last year when she bought a new car-a manual-and i taught her how to drive it . `` what do you mean , i can skip gears ? jared , they would n't put them there unless you 're supposed to use them . '' i just shook my head at her , realizing it was n't worth the aggravation . the boss jerked again when i slammed down into fourth , and i let the music and the car tear me up into a thousand pieces and scatter me to the wind . i could n't think or worry about anything , even if i wanted to . this is where i lived . the boss would n't fight me . i owned it , inside and out . roman and i charged head to head , but the first turn was coming up . i had a slight gain , but he was n't slowing down . someday i was going to have to give this guy the beating he deserved . we would n't be able to make the goddamn turn together , and he knew it . one of us would have to slow down , and it was n't going to be him . i strangled the steering wheel and slammed on the brakes , pulling behind him and onto the inside lane . right on his ass , i breathed hard and shook my head , trying to keep my lead foot from ramming his car . pulling the wheel to the left , i rounded the first turn , kicking up dust and feeling the car 's rear slide as my heart pounded in my throat . but roman 's car slid more . shifting back into second and hitting the gas , i turned up godsmack 's i stand alone and fking took off . each second , my blood vibrated through my veins stronger , and i did n't care whether i won or lost . nothing could ruin this for me , and nothing could make it better . through each turn , derek roman cut me off and made me pull behind , or i spun out more than i wanted . either way , i was n't gaining a lead , because the ahole would rather play bumper cars than race . i was breathing a thousand breaths a minute , not because i was nervous , but because i was f**king pissed . he 's rather see our cars totaled than see me win . laying on the gas , i gripped the wheel as roman and i charged ahead . the crowd flew past the car , and my stomach fluttered as we finally crossed the finish line . i let out a breath and gritted my teeth , slowing the car . i was n't sure if i 'd lost , but i was n't certain i 'd won , either . and at this point , i really did n't care . i wanted to hit something , and roman was it .	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you should always just ... stay naked , '' he added . `` you really are a pig , adriane . '' `` i have n't claimed to be anything else . '' with that he opened the door . `` the wedding wo n't happen , '' she shouted before he could shut the door . one way or the other , you will be standing at the altar with me . '' and with that , he turned away and walked out , closing the door behind him , leaving her standing there trembling . from rage . from so many emotions , she could n't name them all . chapter thirty-seven adriane threw off his tie , unbuttoned his shirt and paced . he was always pacing nowadays . she wanted him , it was obvious , but she continued to fight herself . yes , she 'd done her little striptease , but he was n't a fool . had he taken what she was deceptively offering , she would indeed have hated him forever . walking away had been one of the hardest decisions he 'd ever had to make - literally and figuratively , he thought as his erection pulsed . he felt only a tiny bit better with the knowledge that he 'd left her aching almost as much as he was . he hoped he had , at least . the signs of her aroused body had been staring him in the face , making it even harder to leave her room . she infuriated him ! if that were all she made him feel , he would be able to move on , focus on other tasks at hand . but , no , that was n't the only emotion she unleashed inside of him . he also felt passion , joy and other feelings he could n't even begin to name . she was quickly turning into the most important person in his life . when had it occurred ? the more pressing question was , what was he willing to do to capture her ? he 'd tried kidnapping , cajoling , seducing . how about being honest ? the thought stopped him in his tracks , right in front of the wide windows of his sitting room . staring down at the stormy day , the water churning , waves splashing against the shore , adriane was at a loss . this was all new territory for him , but the one thing he did know was that he did n't want her to walk away . he could hold her captive for only so long . his threats were all empty and they both knew it . maybe it had n't been his best idea to tell her she was going to marry him whether she liked it or not . it might be time to try a bit more cajoling . why could n't this be less complicated ? why did messy emotions have to get involved ? they 'd proved that in florida . if she 'd just get past this little squabble , they could be in bed together right this very minute , and be on their way to a wedding . all their problems would be solved in a trice . why could n't a woman be more like a man ? could n't she learn to use her head ? adriane was quite proud of himself for being so logical . now , he just had to convince her that he was in the right . that should n't be too hard a task , he thought smugly . with a new resolve , he stepped into the shower and found himself whistling one of his favorite show tunes . yes , he still had an aching arousal , but he was sure that after he spoke rationally to her , that problem would be solved and all parties would be happy . yes , his mother had told him to try being more romantic , but had n't he been ? he 'd taken her on romantic dates , showed her they were compatible . he 'd done what had been asked of him . yes , he gave her romance . that was going a bit too far . love did n't have to be a factor in their relationship . logic was the only way to make a lasting union . he was sure he could get her to see this . she was a smart woman , after all . * * * * * adriane 's confidence faltered briefly the next day . had he pushed her too far and caused her to run away ? but she had n't gone . he happened to find her sitting in one of the garden gazebos . he was about to saunter up to her with a winning smile , but he was stopped by the gloomy expression on her face as she gazed off into the distance . it tore him apart knowing he 'd been the one to make her feel that way . he would make this better . he watched her struggle to mask the wounded look in her eyes , and he vowed to quit hurting her , vowed to consider her feelings more . `` i 'm not sure you know how to talk - you just yell and snap orders , '' she said , turning away from him and looking once more into the horizon . `` what if i work on that , and you accompany me on a walk ? '' he said in his best diplomatic voice .	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it was that magical moment which connected me from that slow riverboat trip on the river tarhan , happening just prior to my taking up work as a recording specialistand then consequentiallyin the last days of my professional dutyfinally meeting with the likes of lexanna . now you want to give it a try ? the riverboat pilot had said , stopping his game with a high toss which he caught with the handle of the knife landing in his grip before prodding me once more , offering me the weapon . this is what i sawand what i continued to see today from the experiencei recall the size of the blade . it was large and dangerous , sharp as anything , and the sizable knife revealed itself as possessing everything scary in his wielded grasp . i might have taken it up in my hand at that momenti can not remember exactly , because , as i have already explained , a part of that memory had been faded and clouded over by then . definitely , in response to his question , i had turned away , looking down , as he had given me all the more reason to shake my head . the dagger and his hand were both his gameand they were not mine . an observer is likely to take in more , and to agree to more , without falling in the direction of any sort of commitment . this is how i had proceededfeeling sick , dominated , and bereft of optionsclosed inside of his cabin , listening to the rain pitter-patter outside , striking the portal glass or the round window . what i realized latermuch laterwas that i had agreed to most everything , without having agreed to anything at all . two beats one , he had said , moving the knife faster and faster . two beats onetwo beats one all throughout the occasion of that day , i do remember having had gazed at his still hand with the knife moving in and out between the fingers , concentrating on his full hand of fingers , feeling as if he had taken my eyes away , rather than leaving them for me to keep . it was a feeling , but i suppose you could mention , the sensation is the same as what happens when one falls beneath the power of an expert hypnotist . the fact of the matter , was that for the longest time during his effort , the pilot strove desperately to impress me ; i had feared for him , actually , wanting to protect his left hand from his right , which had no concern about menacing and threatening the left . the dangerous possibility was that he could have potentially sliced off a finger , or that he could have stabbed a puncture wound through the palm of his hand . however , i had grown to realize in watching him that despite my fear for him , he had remained always careful . despite the concern that i had felt for him , and that my heart seemed to have caught in my throat , i had also nothing to say to betray my own frantic concern . close to the final completed demonstration , he had laughed , charmed by his own eclectic thoughts . if two beats one , now do you think it may be possible that one can beat two ? i had nodded also to this . he had once again given a jackals laugh , understanding that we were both in on the joke . but then my destiny took a turn , and it could have been the same as jumping down an empty elevator shafti really dont remember and i really couldnt know what happened next . a frightful feeling had overcome me , which i had known couldnt be alleviated by one continuous frightful long stare by lexanna . whatever it was that took place , on that day of the trip on river tarhan , i cant for the life of me recall , even when i could remember with detailed perfection of my own role in the whole ordeal . it had been somethingsomething that had happened and which had also taken place afterwardpast the gameinside the quiet and the locked door of his cabin . two beat one , he had told me . the sound of his voice is what stayed with me . one beats two , i had said with an uncomfortable jocularity in my voice . despite my sickness on that trip , feeling the rocking toss of the shifting vessel beneath me , which flowed swiftly along the river tarhan , i had felt myself falling away from him , having drifted into what might have been my capture into a demented and awkward state of hypnology . all i do recall from the rest of the trip , was that afterwards , i had learned that his riverboat had fallen into disrepair ; once utilized for my trip , it had become a sinking vessel almost immediately , because some saboteur had instigated a plan to deprive the riverboat pilot of his vessel , or so he had claimed . how had i learned this ? i never made it to the gorges of theremon on that day . i had chosen a tangential route , so that i could enjoy a different travel plan . on the way to find him after my departure from the detour , i had found this curmudgeonly old fiend of a riverboat captain , despondent and deprived of his flotation vessel .	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especially coming from a man who 's never struggled with his weight a day in his life . '' `` i struggle with my weight every day , '' he admitted . it was hard enough trying to keep the weight on when he was n't training . it was even worse when he was in training . peter had to consume ridiculous amounts of calories just so he could look healthy . to maintain his current muscle mass , he sometimes had to force himself to eat . most women did n't find extremely thin men attractive , and emille was just like the rest of them . how many times had he heard her gushing over heavily built muscular men ? the only time he 'd ever gotten a reaction out of her was that first sunday morning when she 'd joined him fishing . they 'd gone out on the water at dawn , but as the sun had risen with the temperature , peter had stripped out of his shirt . he 'd been twenty-five at the time . in the prime of his life . emille had taken one look at him , then slowly - as if she was in a trance - she 'd stretched out her hands to cover his abdomen . a shiver coursed through his body at just the memory of how he 'd reacted to the way her fingers had trailed over each taut muscle . mistakenly , he 'd believed that something had started in that moment . but emille had swiftly extinguished whatever flame of attraction had been kindled . she 'd patted his stomach and said , `` nice abs , peter . did n't know you had all that under your clothes . '' he 'd worked hard to maintain that body ever since , but no matter how many sunday mornings she 'd spent with him shirtless , she 'd never said another word about his physique . `` emille , i understand where you 're coming from , '' he said . `` if i ate according to the prescribed standards , i 'd be emaciated . '' `` you work out like a fiend , '' she pointed out . `` i overeat to bulk up . lift to build muscle . and run to trim down . if i want to look healthy , i have to work hard for it . '' gently , he brushed her hair back from her face . `` not everyone 's built the same way . you may have to work harder than most to slim down , but you 've come a long way . and you have achieved great results . '' `` i 'm still over two hundred and sixty pounds , '' she complained . `` and next month , you 'll be two hundred and fifty something pounds , '' he pointed out . `` that 's a far cry from over three hundred . '' she sighed , and because his guard was down , she was able to escape his embrace . `` peter , you 'll never understand . men do n't find women over one fifty attractive . so , even though it feels good to be in this moment , where i 've lost all this weight , i 'm still looking at over a hundred pounds that need to go . '' `` one fifty ? that 's your goal ? you think you 'd look good at that weight ? i 'd believe that if you were built like most women , emille , '' he said with a bored expression . defeated , she sat forward on the sofa in mulish silence . emille was dressed in her pajamas . it was white linen shorts and a white camisole . they were far too big for her . he 'd even noticed that the tight yoga pants she 'd started out wearing to the gym now fit like baggy sweats . it was probably time she downsized her clothes , but he was n't about to say anything to her . she really did have a nice pair of legs though . it would be nice to see her running on the treadmill in shorts . her arms were toning up nicely as well . those he could n't remember ever seeing , unless she was dressed for bed . em 's arms and shoulders were on lockdown for most of their association . then there were her breasts . she could lose everything else , but peter was definitely in favor of her keeping the breasts . she was n't nearly as far from perfect as she thought . but , he could n't tell her that . emille would n't believe him . he asked , reaching for the container of mignardises . `` six-two , '' she answered , eyeing him as he disappeared into the kitchen . `` what goal did portia give you ? '' emille heard cupboards opening and the door to the microwave being slammed shut . `` one eighty to one ninety . '' `` and you want to weigh one fifty ? '' one forty-five . '' she proceeded to explain , `` if i weigh one forty-five and i put on a few pounds , i can stop myself at one fifty and get things back under control . '' a few minutes later , peter returned to the living room with two cups of coffee , a knife , and a small plate bearing the four desserts .	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slowly , i pull the velvet pouch out of my pocket , loosen the drawstring , and dump the ring in my palm . i hold the shining silver band beneath the soft glow of the overhead lights . the emeralds came from my grandmothers wedding band , i say to the doctor as i press the ring between the tips of my fingers . theyre the same color as christinas eyes . you said you dont have the nerve to ask her , doctor barnes asks in an annoyingly impartial monotone . i swallow against the tightening knot around my throat as i place the ring back in the pouch . im afraid she wont say yes . tara west tara west writes books about dragons , witches , and handsome heroes while eating chocolate , lots and lots of chocolate . she 's willing to share her dragons , witches and heroes . tara west 's young adult and new adult romances have been kindle bestsellers . she enjoys spending time with her family , interacting with her fans , and fishing the texas coast . hang out with her on her facebook fan page at : https : //www.facebook.com/tarawestauthor keep up with her latest news at : http : //tarawestauthor.wordpress.com/ or check out her website : www.tarawest.com email her at tara @ tarawest.com books by tara west from the whispers series sophies secret dont tell mother krystas curse visions of the witch sophies secret crush from keepers of the stones witch flame , prelude curse of the ice dragon , book one spirit of the sea witch , book two ( releasing 2014 ) miz scarlet and the holiday houseguests a scarlet wilson mystery by sara m. barton published by sara m. barton at smashwords copyright sara m. barton 2013 all rights reserved . a paint an impression of murder mystery # 1 the titan drowns nhys glover this novel is entirely a work of fiction . with the exception of historical events and people used as background for the story , the names , characters and incidents portrayed in this work come wholly from the authors imagination . any resemblance to actual persons , living or dead , events or localities is entirely coincidental published by belisama press 2012 smashwords edition 2013 nhys glover 2012 this book is copyright . * * * * * on 14 april 1912 at 11.40 p.m. titanic struck an iceberg in the mid north atlantic and sank 12,415 feet beneath the icy ocean in just two hours and forty minutes . of the 2,223 souls aboard her that night , only 710 were rescued and another 328 bodies recovered , although 119 of these were buried at sea . this leaves 1,185 people , or more than half the ships passengers and crew , left unaccounted for . man has , in only a few short years , flown like a bird , walked upon the moon , explored the universe , travelled faster than sound , cloned living creatures , transplanted hearts and other organs , designed human cells , split atoms , created infinitesimally small nanobots and this list of wonders increases with every passing day . one has to wonder if , given enough time and technological resources , man could not one day find a way to cross time and space . and if , when they did , might they not look back at that night in 1912 and be tempted to rescue at least some of those 1,185 souls who were never seen again ? i like to think they would * * * * * prologue karl summer 2336 new atlantis , gaian confederacy we are undertaking another major mission , jac ulster announced to the assembled group of retrievers from the child and adult programs . like our 1942 mission , we will require a large , well-orchestrated team working in strategic stages . our main target will be the forty-eight children our research has indicated were not seen during the chaos of the early hours of april 15 , 1912 , and whose bodies were never found . april 15 , 1912 . that is when pia rogaland interrupted in stunned amazement . the titanic sank , jac finished for her , nodding at the tall blonde . yes , you have correctly identified our objective . we are going to redress a little of the loss that occurred that day . karl ontario felt his heart flutter strangely in his chest . it wasnt the first time hed experienced this odd sensation since hed heard the news of the planned titanic mission , but it still struck him as uncharacteristic . it almost felt like sick excitement ; but that was absurd . the only time hed ever been excited by anything was in his original body when an experiment had yielded interesting results . since then , some 216 years , excitement had never been an emotion hed experienced . interest , determination , compassion , contentment and satisfaction were feelings he recognised in varying degrees of mild intensity , but never excitement . it was commonly believed that the cloned bodies they inhabited were responsible for their races lack of passion , but there was no scientific evidence for that .	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i 'm seeing someone else now . you can pick up your glasses on monday . '' `` julie ... wait- '' julie pushed the button to cut off the call . twenty-three the guardian an hour later , mike opened julie 's front door and poked his head in . `` hey , i 'm here , '' he called out . julie was in the bathroom blow-drying her hair , and as soon as singer heard mike 's voice , he trotted out to greet him . he heard the dryer click off . `` yeah , '' julie answered , `` come on back . '' mike walked through the bedroom and peeked in the bathroom door . `` you showered ? '' i was feeling kind of grungy , '' she said . she wound the cord around the dryer and put it in the drawer . `` when it 's busy like today , i feel like i 'm coated in other people 's hair by the time i 'm through . i 'll be done in a few minutes . '' mike leaned against the counter as julie reached for her eye shadow , and he watched as she applied it in short strokes , framing her eyes . next came the mascara , and she brushed her lashes with the same practiced moves , the top first and then the bottom , leaning toward the mirror as she did so . there was something sensual about a woman when she was doing those things , something that spoke of her desire to be considered attractive , mike thought as he watched . he noticed the subtle differences as she changed before his eyes . because they were staying in , this evening 's performance was meant just for him , an idea he found undeniably erotic . he knew he was in love with julie . the past couple of weeks they 'd been together made that clear , but it was different from the way he 'd felt before they 'd started dating . she was n't a fantasy anymore , but something real , something he could n't imagine living without , and he crossed his arms , as if bracing himself against the possibility that all this might still slip away . she put on a pair of earrings , smiling briefly , wondering what he found so interesting , yet feeling warmed by his appreciation nonetheless . she reached for the perfume , spritzing a little on her neck and on her wrists , then rubbed her wrists together , this time holding his gaze . julie squeezed by mike on her way out , her body brushing against his , and mike followed , his eyes drawn to the gentle sway of her hps and the smooth curve of her bottom . in bare feet and faded jeans , she seemed the picture of grace , though mike knew she was moving no differently than she always did . `` i thought we 'd do steaks tonight , '' she said . `` sounds great , but i 'm not all that hungry yet . i had a late lunch at the garage . but a beer sounds good . '' julie reached for a wineglass from the cupboard . as she stood on her tiptoes , her blouse lifted enough to show her belly , and mike turned away , forcing himself to think about baseball . a moment later , standing before him , she held out the glass and mike poured the wine , then grabbed a beer for himself . he opened it and took a long drink . `` do you want to sit outside for a while ? '' they went to the porch , and julie held open the screen door so singer could head to the yard . her blouse was sleeveless . mike noticed the thin muscles of her upper arm and the swell of her chest and could n't help but imagine what she might look like nakd. he closed his eyes and took a deep breath . please , he thought , do n't let me make a fool of myself . he took another long drink , nearly finishing the can . this , he thought , was going to be one hell of a long night . the guardian it was n't nearly as bad as he 'd thought it would be . as usual , they settled into a lighthearted conversation while the evening breeze kicked in ; mike fired up the grill an hour later and cooked the steaks while julie went inside to throw a salad together . in the kitchen , julie reflected that mike had the look of a nymphomaniac who 'd been stranded on a desert island for years . the poor guy had been staring at her all night , and though he tried to be circumspect , she knew exactly what he was thinking , because frankly , she was thinking the same thing . her hands were so clammy , she could barely hold the vegetables . she diced cucumbers and tomatoes and added them to the bowl , then set the table with her good china and flatware . standing back to admire the effect , she realized that something was missing . she found two candles , put them in the center , and lit them .	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hed probably still worry , before , during and after , but there was another reason to make love to him . i worked hard not to think about that reason as i removed my shirt , but we both knew there was a chance we wouldnt make it through the day , and what came after that was something neither of us knew . nate deserved at least one happy memory from the days of fighting . he actually deserved everything he wanted after having to deal with me over the years , but i wasnt sure i could give him everything . i leaned down to nibble on his neck when i heard a throat clear behind me . i didnt know which one of us groaned louder , but i had to believe it was me . there was only one person i couldnt really sense as she moved around , and i took a second to wonder , for the hundredth time , whether my special knife could kill her . after how shed gone off the deep end , i was surprised she even bothered to show up . possibly , as far as the knife goes , because the stronger youve gotten , its gotten , but we have other things to talk about . i know i interrupted a tender moment , and im truly sorry i had to . things are going to start happening before we know it and we need to talk . i sat up , grabbing my shirt to throw it back on . i was well aware id gone skinny dipping with eva before , but i didnt feel the need to share my nudity with her . if i couldve managed to make her unsee what she already had , i wouldve gone with that option . im surprised you didnt wait longer and watch the show . actually , i wouldve interrupted sooner , but you were having a meaningful conversation and i thought it might be useful for you to talk things out . once i saw where things were going , i decided i better get our conversation in before you went too far . i was a little surprised at how quickly you moved to distract nate . i didnt know whether that was evas way of saying she was being thoughtful , but i could tell there was something cryptic behind her words . as there always was . ive seen your boy toy out fighting with the group , but youve been missing since we got here . im not really sure what you think we need to talk about , but i think id rather continue with what i had planned and catch up a little later . i looked down at nate , watching a smile slide across his face . hed always enjoyed when my mind focused in on his favorite activity . i guess i didnt make myself clear when i said i was stopping you two before things went too far . dont make me zap us away to my void , avery . dismount your stallion and ask him to leave us alone for a few minutes . the tone of evas voice had me a little worried . there was none of her teasing , carefree nature in the words , not that i expected them to magically be back . whatever she had to tell me was important to her , and i got the feeling it would finally be something worth me hearing coming from her mouth . it was more than likely a foolish thought on my end , but it did make me consider hearing her out . feeling nates warm body underneath me made me really want to tell her to get lost . nates smile faded a little as he leaned up to give me a peck on the cheek . i guess we should probably listen to her . ill go make sure your breakfast is being prepared to your liking and wait outside for you . he rolled me over , but i held on for a few more moments . does he really have to leave ? hes eventually going to know whatever you tell me . the fact that it was clearly something important made me want to keep nate close by , someone needed to stop me from killing her if she went off like she had a few days prior . i looked over at eva and found her expression matched the tone of her voice . she shook her head , and that was enough to get nate moving . he was gone before i could say another word . i sat up and gave eva my dirtiest look . for once i think youll agree with me that it is . her eyes turned white and a chill made its way down my back . i didnt have any idea what she was going to say , but her eyes freaked me out . i gripped the handle of my dagger under my pillow . if she was about to turn crazy on me , i was going to fight back . chapter 17 unlikely babysitters as surprising as it seems to be for you this lifetime , im still not the enemy , nor will i ever be . evas eyes remained white as she walked closer to the bed and took a seat . i didnt want her sitting that close to me , so i moved back a little . i didnt think of it as a sign of weakness , i just didnt want her crazy rubbing off on me . do you want to explain your freaky eyes ? i didnt think id be able to sit through a whole conversation without knowing why theyd changed . i didnt remember ever seeing them change like that .	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but , id give it to them in a way that wouldnt cost them any capital gains or income taxes . okay , so where is the money ? other than the lousy ten grand you gave them , which didnt even cover the outstanding medical bills . and speaking of medical bills , why didnt you tell me what was going on with them ? ill tell you everything you want to know , but one thing at a time . first of all , the ten thousand was all i had in liquid savings and i gave them that as earnest money . second , i had to do some creative financing on another project , so the rest of the money was tied up for a while . i planned to surprise you with this , but ive been working on opening my own agency . in fact , ive left the firm and im already working for myself . he managed a bright smile and the charm that had convinced me to walk down the aisle a year ago reappeared . but now , it seemed forced , like the smile of a veteran used car salesman trying to cement another deal . and besides , i already knew that hed quit his job . my divorce lawyer had been unsuccessfully trying to track him down . and , third , i just gave minnie beth and patrick the money . the entire purchase price , less closing costs and my expenses . thats why i came to charleston . that , and to talk to you . carly , if you dont believe me , pick up the phone and call them . i drove minnie beth to the bank . she opened a money market checking account . im not the monster you seem to think i am . he leaned forward , as if to take my hand . reflexively , i leaned back , out of his reach and readjusted my chair so that i sat even further away from him . a pained expression crossed his features , but i felt no sympathy . talking to the man id professed to love till death do us part was one thing , but having physical contact with him was another . you think im a monster , he announced and then waited for me to disagree or offer some words to soften his conclusion . we both know i hurt you and really screwed up our marriage . i acted selfishly and im sorry . and we both know that ill never think of minnie beth and patrick as real parents . they took me in like a stray dog , and made sure to put food in my bowl every day , but it wasnt enough . i started to disagree with him , but it wouldnt have done any good . he had issues about being orphaned and subsequently raised by two people he wouldnt have chosen if the decision were left up to him . hed always considered himself suave and refined , while they were embarrassing rednecks . but just because i dont call them mom and dad , he continued , doesnt mean id steal from them . i thought he was lying . i dialed their number and minnie beth answered on the second ring . hi , minnie beth . its carly . i just wanted to see how patrick is feeling , i said . oh , hes much better ! right now , hes sitting outside to get some sun . before i could inquire further , she told me the good news . robert came by earlier and brought us a big check ! almost four hundred thousand dollars , the money he got for our land ! she happily rambled on about what a good boy robert was and how proud she was of him for getting his own business started and how patrick had gotten himself all worked up about nothing , probably due to all the drugs hed been taking . thats wonderful , minnie beth , i said . im very happy it all worked out for you . well , it could all work out for you , too , honey , she said . i know robert hasnt treated you right , but you should think about giving him another chance . i asked her to tell patrick hello for me and hung up without commenting on giving her son another chance . hed already had enough chances from me . he watched me place the handset on a small table . i looked at the man sitting across from me , outlined by clusters of bright pink azalea blooms in mammas garden , suddenly unsure if he was the villain i thought him to be . my arson evidence against him was circumstantial . he had been in town . and he had motive . but had he been the one to hit jerry ? or light the match ? congratulations on vive investments , i said and his eyebrows shot up in surprise . id like to hear more about it , but what i really want to know is what youre going to do with the seven percent of retail gross . the eyebrows moved up another fraction of an inch and his head began to nod slowly up and down , as if confirming something to himself . so you already know the name of my company . and the terms of the property sale . tell me about the seven percent . are you going to pass that along to minnie beth and patrick , too ?	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you 'd get me to abandon my alaskan adventure and fly back to l.a. so i could be bogged down in legal details trying to get you fired , which i might not even be able to do . probably ca n't do , if i know grammy . she put some clause in there that requires me to prove you embezzled or something equally drastic . i doubt there 's a provision for me to fire you because you 're a pain in the ass . '' he kept his face free of expression as he gazed at her . madeline 's instructions had been quite specific in that regard and ally did n't have grounds to get rid of him . he 'd make sure she never had grounds . and he would do the job madeline had hired him for , whether ally liked it or not . `` and here i was starting to think you were an okay guy . but an okay guy would grab a clue and leave . he would not stay and inflict himself on a woman just for his own peace of mind . '' she paused , as if gathering more insults to hurl at him . `` have n't you ever heard that saying , that if you love something , you should let it fly free ? '' `` once i 've checked out your fly zone , you can flap around in it all you want . but i 've been charged with administering your sizable estate . can you imagine the truckload of paperwork i 'd have to deal with if anything happened to you ? i hate to even think about it . '' she blew out an indignant breath . `` so this is n't really about your having the hots for me , is it ? it 's about simplifying your job ! it would be very inconvenient for you if i turned up missing . maybe a little hostility was healthy . maybe then she would n't throw any more sexual vibes his way . she stood with her hands on her hips , legs spread in a belligerent stance . `` i 'm beginning to get the picture . before i left , you had everything running like clockwork , just the way your little anal mind likes it , and now i 've thrown a monkey wrench into your neat little world . '' `` that 's one way of describing it . '' he wished that he could forget that she was most likely nakd under that flannel . she might not be feeling sexual desire right now , but he had n't completely tamed his woody . he held his towel in supposed nonchalance while he allowed it to dangle protectively in front of that area . `` and you ca n't deal with the unexpected , can you , mitchell ? '' in his line of work , the unexpected meant he had n't done his homework and had left an opening for the bad guys . `` well , using your word , that 's tough . and now i 'd appreciate it if you 'd take your unwelcome presence back to your own room . '' once his back was turned and he was on his way to his room , he could allow himself the grin that had been threatening ever since she 'd started her tirade . the exchange had actually gone very well . he 'd rather have her mad at him than feeling sorry for him . less temptation . he 'd also shored up his role as mr. killjoy , the nerdy wet blanket , someone who would rather see her safe than happy . he would n't mind seeing her both safe and happy , but with her current trajectory , the two seemed mutually exclusive . so he 'd opt for safe , and let happy take a back seat for now . * * ally woke up in the dark to the alarm on the watch she 'd shoved under her pillow . she turned it off immediately , not wanting to take the chance that mitchell might hear it . then she listened for the howl of the wind and the splat of snow against her window . blissful silence greeted her . maybe the storm was over ! on that happy note , she bopped out of bed , gasping at how cold the room was . shivering , she whipped off her pajamas and struggled into her clothes . mitchell would be sawing logs because he would n't yet be acclimated to how late the sun came up on winter mornings in alaska . he 'd sleep in late , just as she had on her first morning . she wished to hell it would be his last morning here , too , but she could n't think of a way to run him out of town . so she 'd have to make herself scarce . if the storm had truly ended , she 'd get out there with her camera before mitchell even knew she was gone . what a thrill , to anticipate a few hours of freedom without him hovering around peering behind every tree searching for the big bad wolf . he was more overprotective than grammy , and that was saying something . to think that for a brief time last night she 'd imagined herself sexually attracted to him . to think for a while she 'd imagined him sexually attracted to her . maybe the glare from the lamp had reflected off his glasses and she 'd mistaken it for a gleam of desire .	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`` you ca n't blame yourself for his accident . candace said it was a freak event . something about an equipment failure . '' `` there is a price for each choice we make . '' `` tout a un prix , '' she quoted his earlier words back to him . would the price for this affair end up being more than she could bear ? franco needed to get away from stacy . he had broken a rule and hugged her . she might have tried to act unaffected while telling her grisly tale , but the tremor in her voice and the deathly pallor of her face had given her inner angst away . if she was acting , she was the best damned actress he had ever seen . but if she was telling the truth then not only had her mother walked away from money , but stacy had as well . she could not possibly be that different from other avaricious members of her sex . had she not already hinted that a million dollars would not be enough to give her a life of leisure ? but she plans to go back to work . she did not ask for more . what was it about her that made him talk ? he had revealed things about lisette and vincent that he had never shared with anyone . if he did not leave now then there was no telling what she would extract from him . he put necessary inches between them . `` i must read over the documents and spend an hour with mathe . can you amuse yourself ? '' `` of course , '' stacy replied without hesitation . `` if you are genuinely interested in history then you may explore the house . the wives are allowed to change the linens , but not the furniture or the architecture . '' excitement flared in stacy 's eyes . any of his other lovers would have pouted if he tried to ignore them , and then they would have cajoled or attempted to seduce him into entertaining them . if he had brought his lovers here , that is . and since lisette , he had not . stacy would not be here if not for his father 's insistence on meeting her . franco would not put it past the old goat to have stripped the rooms himself to force franco to share his bedroom and his bed . `` your father wo n't mind if i snoop around ? '' papa knows the history of the house and the furnishings . i will see if he can accompany you . '' `` i do n't want to be any trouble . '' she fussed with a button on her blouse and franco struggled with a sudden urge to strip the garment from her . he had escorted her from his bed to a taxi less than twelve hours ago , and yet his desire for her had not diminished with exposure . if anything , his craving for her had intensified . not a positive circumstance . `` your father was n't expecting me , was he ? '' `` he asked to meet you . '' `` you told him about me ? her gaze fell and her cheeks darkened . from embarrassment ? was she ashamed of the bargain they had made ? franco reached out and tucked a stray lock of hair beneath stacy 's ear . `` tonight , we will do something i have never done . '' her pulse quickened beneath his fingertips . `` i have never had a woman in my boyhood bed . fantasies , oui . but flesh ? her gaze darted to the object in question behind him and the tip of her tongue dampened her lips . he could not resist bending down to capture and suckle the soft , pink flesh . stacy leaned into him , curling her fingers around his belt and rising on her toes . her br**sts pressed his chest with tantalizing softness . she had come a long way as a lover . in a short time she had become less reticent about her pleasure , but she had yet to initiate any contact . he was on the verge of saying to hell with the documents and tumbling her onto the sheets when she pulled away . blushing , she ducked her head as if her ardent response embarrassed her . he did n't want to leave her , and for that very reason he escorted her to the salon where his father waited with refreshments , then walked out and locked himself in his father 's study . the documents transferring ownership of the constantine holdings to franco , less a lifetime annuity for his father , were straightforward . his father had agreed to sign the papers the day stacy returned to the states with her million . franco delayed as long as he possibly could , rereading the document and then playing with mathe before going in search of stacy two hours later . he found her in the nursery , sitting in an old rocking chair with her head tipped back and her eyes closed . her slender fingers caressed the worn wooden arms . his mood lightened at the sight of her . and what nonsense was that ? why did stacy affect him so strongly ? was it because she did not try to work her wiles on him ? or did she have him completely fooled ?	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as if that thought , too , had conjured some kind of connection between the two of them , he glanced over at the table and saw her . immediately , his anxious expression smoothed , and he smiled , making another chunk of ice in violet evaporate like steam . he started to walk toward her , then the maitre d ' must have reminded him of his coat , too , and gavin halted to take it off and hand it to the harried hilda . then he started to make his way toward violet once more . but he was halted as soon as he stepped into the room by a couple seated near the door who beckoned to him . with an apologetic look for violet , he moved that way to greet them . but even from where she sat , she could tell he was impatient . and something about that warmed her inside even more . until she felt someone staring at her . someone who was n't gavin . and it was that creepy kind of staring , too , that made a person 's skin prickle . when she glanced around , she saw a man leaning against a wall on the opposite side of the room amid a group of other people armed with cameras and microphones and such . members of the media who were here to cover the event . the man was looking right at her , and when her gaze met his , he smiled at her in recognition . creepy recognition , not wow-it's-so-great-to-see-you recognition . and she did n't recognize him at all . so she swiftly turned to see where gavin was , and saw that he had been stopped by a second couple . hastily , violet returned her attention to her champagne , enjoying a healthy quaff . within seconds , however , the man who had been watching her was standing by the table , situating himself in such a way that she could n't avoid looking at his crotch unless she looked up at his face . so , with a sigh of resignation , she looked up at his face . it was actually a fairly harmless-looking face , bland features beneath a crop of not-particularly-well-cut blond hair . unlike the other men present-even the members of the media-he wore neither a tuxedo , nor a dark suit , but a pair of rumpled brown corduroys and an oatmeal-colored sweater . `` i know you , '' he said when her gaze connected with his . he wagged a finger at her knowingly . `` you 're raven french . the author of that call girl memoir . '' `` it 's not a memoir , '' violet said wearily . `` it 's a novel . i 'm not- '' `` yeah , whatever . i 've been trying to snag an interview with you for weeks , but you never call me back . teddy mullins , '' he finally introduced himself , extending a hand to her that violet had no desire to shake . `` i write for chicago fringe magazine . '' the minute she heard that , violet knew why she had n't returned his calls , and now she really did n't want to shake his hand . chicago fringe was n't a magazine . it was the kind of publication that gave the tabloids a bad name . `` um , '' she hedged now , `` i 'm sorry , mr. mullins , but all interviews have to go through my publicist at rockcastle books . '' `` the hell they do , '' mullins immediately countered . `` a guy at the sun-times said they did n't have any trouble at all arranging an interview . '' `` through my publicist , '' she told him pointedly . `` and that was before there was such a huge demand on my time . now , if you 'll excuse me , i 'm waiting for- '' she looked for gavin again and saw him chatting with yet another group of people . but he was gazing at her , and his expression grew concerned when he saw her talking to someone she clearly did n't want to be talking to . immediately , he excused himself and started toward her again . but , again , he was halted by another friend . in the meantime , teddy mullins pulled out the chair across from violet and seated himself comfortably in it . then he reached into his jacket pocket and withdrew a pen and pad of paper along with his cell phone , on which he pushed a few buttons , looked up again and said , `` you do n't mind if i record this interview , right ? '' `` mr. mullins , '' she tried again , `` if you 'll call my publicist at rockcastle-her name is marie osterman-she can set up a time that 's mutually convenient for us , and i 'll be happy to talk with you then . '' key word : mutually . no way was she going to have time to talk that coincided with his . `` let 's just cut to the chase , '' was mr. mullins 's reply . what followed was a rapid-fire line of questioning that included more than a little profanity and rather a lot of sexual innuendo .	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nate here is extremely modest about being picked for the king and avery , well well just say shes special . i had a long list of others . so weve pretty much had a princess living with us for the past few years . i dont think anyone is going to believe lizzie is a princess . even after , or maybe because of everything that had been said , kyles eyes lingered on me a little unnecessarily . i was starting to wonder how long nate was going to let it continue . keeping a firm grip on me , nate turned to rick and said , what exactly are we looking at here , as far as species well be dealing with ? lions and tigers and bears , oh my , rick said , laughing . really , i sense bears , wolves , foxes , hyenas , a few varieties of faie , a couple bird species , and surprisingly a couple more berserkers . you dont usually see more than one of them in a place . what , no vampires ? with a list like that , i was curious what other things were running around out there . vampires dont exist , silly , nate told me as he kissed the top of my head . so there shouldnt be anything we havent dealt with before . im a little surprised to find them all in one place though . were kind of a refugee camp for uniques who are tired of living amongst humans . we take in anyone who doesnt want to move around and change identities every couple decades , kyle explained . wait a sec , you mean all of those things are immortal like us ? yup , rick answered . as long as the animals shift every once in a while they wont age . the faie and berserkers dont have to do anything . theyre lucky that way . i turned to frannie , so you arent going to be dying on me ? she laughed , of course not . you may have years on me , but well both live forever . i felt like jumping up and down , but kept myself grounded . kyle was already looking at me strangely ; i didnt need to give him a reason to stare . ive been worried you wouldnt be around to be my matron of honor whenever i decide to finally get married . i was thinking of making nate wait a century , but you wouldnt have been available if you were human . me and gary will be there with bells on whenever you decide to go through with it . how long have you known what i was and just what exactly are you ? i asked , not caring that we were supposed to be on our way to my daughters house . ive known you werent human since we first met . kyle was right about you having some kind of special aura around you . it drew me to you in class . i didnt know exactly what you were until nate told me after that blind date we set you up on . hed been mopping around ever since hed turned back to a human . i decided to try to get him back into the real world and thank god i did . if i hadnt , you wouldnt have found your way back to each other . we wouldve met the very next day , but i suppose it was better to not have that meeting in front of coworkers . they might have thought the fbi assigned us with someone not able to speak , based on how long it took nate to string words together . say what you will , but you know it was all me . as for your question about what i am , i think well have to have a private conversation for that one . we have more important things to worry about right now . i almost dramatically fainted , but i was sure the floor was too cold for that . frannie not wanting to talk about herself was a miracle . answer me one thing first . is the man you claim is your father , who owns all the hotels , really your dad ? i knew nate had a false cover story about parents , but id actually met the man frannie said was her father , and i believed they were related . yes , you havent actually seen the real him before , though . he uses a glamour to look old enough to be my dad . we dont always play father and daughter because , like your parents , he doesnt look much older than me . sometimes my parents like to play a young couple in love , and then im not in the picture at all . i was learning all sorts of new things . whether id ever be able to make sense of those things was still to be decided . okay , i think everyone here has a lot of explaining to do . it seems there have been a lot of secrets kept from me and im sure each of you knows exactly how that makes me feel . dont worry , my little butterfly . nothing that was kept from you would actually cause any harm . id explain further now , but i dont want to reveal too much about the situation . weve probably already let more slip out than we should , nate said as he nodded his head to the side a little . evidently they didnt trust kyle .	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the fact that id been out on my own and other special people could sense me , made me want to smack my parents a few times . we hadnt really gone into details about why they did what they did , but i had to believe they had someone keeping an eye on me . the thought of that made me get a little agitated , so i focused in on food . i decided to make some quick potato chip breaded chicken breast with a side of rice . it was getting late and i didnt want to be stuck cooking forever . i turned on the oven and quickly coated the chicken . once in the baking dish , i threw it into the oven , calling it good . frannie had stood off to the side as i worked , careful not to get in my way . the food wouldnt be ready for thirty minutes , so it was time for the frannie grilling commence . chapter 5 cats are magical ; the more you pet them the longer you both live spill it , frannie , i said as i washed my hands . the girl had a lot of explaining to do as far as i was concerned . pretty much everyone i knew had explaining to do , but i figured i might actually get the answers i was looking for out of her . she asked , giving me her innocent puppy dog eyes . i hated anyone who could pull off the look because i couldnt . dont even try it , frannie . lets start with what exactly you are . after that , im sure ill have enough questions to keep us in here for at least an hour , i said , folding my arms across my chest . im sure the guys would get hungry and come in and break things up , but for the sake of keeping that throbbing blood vessel in your neck from breaking free , im whats known as a cat sidhe . i got the feeling i was going to have to pull teeth to get details out of her , which was a little different than how things normally worked between us . usually , frannie wouldnt shut up , and since i had no idea what a cat sidhe was , she had more enlightening to do . mainly this , she said as she transformed in to a black cat with one single white circle on her chest . she was bigger than a house cat , but not as big as a say a tiger . i guessed her height to be about two feet and her length to be about three or four feet . her fur , though black , was kind of a blue-black that reflected pretty colors in the light . she quickly changed back , so we could continue our talk . you get to keep your clothes during your changes ? nate losses his when he shifts . i was all for learning how to change into a phoenix , even if nate didnt want me too , but part of me worried about the nakedness that came when i changed back to human . well , the guy catches on fire , what do you expect ? actually , retaining clothes is because im faie , not just a shapeshifter . the transforming is kind of magic for anyone who changes form , but mine is faie magic , so i have more control . can others gain control of the magic or is that specifically limited to faie ? if it was something i could learn , id be all for it . i havent heard of anyone else being able to control their magic with as much precision as the faie , but you never know . i got the feeling the topic of supernatural beings was a little boring to frannie . she hadnt started sighing , but i predicted one was near . i guess the whole cat thing makes it not weird to be engaged to a panther , if kyle was right with his guess . yup , gary is all cat . its really fun to make him purr , she said , making a little purring noise . i really didnt want to think of what she did to make him make that sound . i think you just went to the point of too much information . lets move on to another question . why didnt you ever tell me you knew i was different ? weve been friends for years now . at first you never asked me about what i was , so i just figured you didnt want to talk about how were different . all uniques can tell when another person is unique , but they cant always tell what flavor they are . i had no idea what you were for sure ; you couldve been a wolf . im not sure if you know this , but kitty cats and puppy dogs dont tend to get along . after hearing all the different species just living in this city , i guess i can understand how youd be hesitant to find out if id feel like ripping your head off . so , are you one of the people who knew me in my former life ? now that i ask , im guessing you didnt , because you just said you didnt know what i was and youve never acted like youve seen a ghost . i met nate after me and gary started dating , and gary had known him for a couple years , she replied . he didnt know who you were either . hed heard you existed from nate , but he didnt know you by looks or anything .	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aunt gloria put her arms around her sister , all the while staring wildly at roanna . `` my god , you 've killed her , '' she blurted , each word rising with hysteria . `` harlan , call the sheriff ! '' the driveway and courtyard were a snarl of vehicles parked at random angles , bar lights flashing eerie blue strobes through the night . every window in davencourt blazed with light , and the house was crowded with people , most of them wearing brown uniforms , some of them wearing white . all of the family , except for webb , sat in the spacious living room . grandmother was weeping softly , her hands ceaselessly twisting a delicately embroidered handkerchief as she sat with slumped shoulders . her face was ravaged with grief . aunt gloria sat beside her , patting her , murmuring soothing but meaningless words . uncle harlan stood just behind them , rocking back and forth on his toes , importantly answering questions and offering his own opinions on every theory or detail , soaking in the limelight currently shining on him because of his luck in being the first one on the scene-discounting roanna , of course . roanna sat alone on the opposite side of the room from everyone else . a deputy stood nearby . she was dully aware that he was a guard , but she could n't bring herself to care . `` `` p701.4 she might as well go away to college the way everyone wanted her to and start fresh , where people did n't know her and have preconceived ideas about how she should look and act . before , the very thought of leaving davencourt had brought panic , but now she felt only relief yes , she wanted to get away from everyone and everything . but first , she would fix things for webb . one last gesture of love , and then she would put all this behind her and move on . she glanced at the clock as she got out of bed . it was after two ; the house was silent . jessie was probably asleep , but roanna frankly did n't give a damn . she could just wake up and listen , for once , to what roanna had to say . she did n't know what she would do if webb were there , but she did n't really expect him to be . he 'd been in such a temper when he 'd left that he probably had n't returned yet , and even if he had , he would n't crawl into bed with jessie . he 'd either be downstairs in the study or asleep in one of the other bedrooms . she did n't need a light ; she had wandered davencourt so much at night that she knew all of its shadows . silently she drifted down the hallway , her long white nightgown making her look like a ghost . she felt like a ghost , she thought , as if no one ever really saw her . she paused in front of the door to webb and jessie 's suite . a light was still on inside ; a thin bright ribbon was visible at the base of the door . deciding not to knock , roanna turned the knob . `` jessie , are you awake ? '' the shrill scream tore through the soft fabric of the night , a long , raw sound that seemed to go on and on , straining , until it broke on a hoarse note . lights flared in various bedrooms , even down in the stables where loyal had his own apartment . there was a gabble of sleepy , confused voices crying out , asking questions , and the thud of running feet . uncle harlan was first to reach the suite . he said , she was motionless , her eyes dark pools in a colorless face , her gaze both unseeing and yet encompassing as she stared unblinkingly across the room at her family . sheriff samuel `` booley '' watts paused just inside the doorway and watched her , wondering uncomfortably what she was thinking , how she felt about this silent but implacable rejection . he assessed the thin frailty of her bare arms , noted how insubstantial she looked in that white nightgown , which was n't much whiter than her face . the pulse at the base of her throat beat visibly , the rhythm too fast and weak . with the experience of thirty years in law enforcement behind him , he turned to one of his deputies and said quietly , `` get one of the paramedics in here to see about the girl . she looks shocky . '' he needed her lucid and responsive . the sheriff had known lucinda for most of his life . the davenports had always been hefty contributors to his campaign funds when election time rolled around . politics being what they were , he 'd done a lot of favors for the family over the years , but at the base of their longtime relationship was genuine liking . marshall davenport had been a tough , shrewd son of a bitch but a decent one .	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since they were afraid that some of our tales might also end unfinished . in our school days , the only thing we were much awaiting for was the public exam . our preparations for the exam reached the peak when we started to count the days of our exams . while most of us were busy in reading our subjects , a few really enjoyed their days at our school . intense friendship words , special words , lovely words , caring words and advising words filled the pages of our slam books . i could remember the every word i wrote in her slam book . neither i nor syed bought a slam book for us . we were too busy in the preparations of our exams so we gave least importance to it . syed and i were so serious that we even refused to remember a phone number . we said to each other that the memory portion in our brain that we used to store the phone number could instead be utilised to save an answer for our one mark questions . 13.saving the midnight oil : the exam , which we had been expecting for all these days , came at last . everyone was busy studying his or her subjects . i still wonder how my study holidays ended so fast that i might have watched only one or two films a day . we all were sad about the exams . however , we were happy for one thing regarding the public exams , that our teachers would not be evaluating our exam papers . for they always gave us least marks . it might because their bank balance came down for each mark , they provided us . that day was the last study holiday of ours , i.e . our exams were going to begin the next day . on my last study holiday day , i started studying in the morning at 10o clock . i studied up to 12o clock in the afternoon . then i thought of relaxing myself for a few minutes , so i switched on the television . i they are telecasting my favourite , the trailer of which had never been telecasted before that day . i kept on seeing that film saying to myself , i will study after ten minutes , '' the ten minutes time extended , and at last , i saw the whole film , which ended only at 3o clock . first , one should warn every tv station that they are not to telecast new or popular movies during the exam times of the students . most of the students fail to study their subjects by watching the films , saying , just for ten minutes , exactly like i did . then i went to sleep because of the tiredness of watching the film continuously . i woke up at 50 clock and again started studying up to 6o clock . another time i switched on the t.v . with the same thought , i will switch it off within 5 minutes . the next was the india- pakistan cricket match . the indian players played awesome like never before . it was impossible to quit the match in the intermediate because every over contained at least one sixer , four or a wicket . i watched t.v . even after the match ended . after that i went to eat . my mothers dinner made me to doze in my study table itself . then i again awoke at 10o clock . i saw the light in the syeds house still glowing , i warned myself that , look syed is studying still now , '' then i was wide-awake until 12o clock with a book in my hand , but i did not end up studying anything . i kept the alarm at 4o clock . i woke with the bitter alarm sound in my sweet sleep . snoozing the alarm time for five minutes again and again , i finally woke up at 6o clock . i hadnt got enough time neither to study the left out chapters nor to revise the already studied chapters . i got ready early , at least to avoid the unpleasant situation of missing the exam . i was much afraid that i hadnt studied anything and with this fear , i entered the exam hall . as i received the question paper , i saw the questions which i had left out had been asked as the detail questions . the questions that i studied thoroughly by expectation had been asked only for the brief answers and for the one mark answers . on a wing and a prayer i decided to write my own stories . i fathomed that great storywriters , and scriptwriters might have begun their writing journey only in the exam halls . it must be the womb for their thoughts and imaginations . in this serene place when we see everyone writing we would also wish to write something , even if we do not have anything on our mind . as i started writing i went to the soporific mood and soon after some time i felt like sleeping . i could not control what my hand was really writing . i checked my paper twice to ensure that i hadnt written the story of the film , which i saw on that previous day . when the bell rang , the examiner grabbed my answer papers while i was only half finished with my answers .	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you 've had an emotional day , which included confronting an idiot who 's trying to make you believe he actual y is a werewolf . '' `` i suppose you 're right , but aidan , i 've never been so frightened in my life . i thought it was truly a wolf. `` it was a werewolf , aka me . `` could n't find anything , ma'am . '' the chubby security guard came back into the living room . `` ed 's making sure nothing 's in any of the other rooms , but we checked everywhere . opened al the closets , looked under everything , checked in the shower . looks like just the two of you are here . '' `` i 'm so sorry , '' emma said . `` i hate that you went to al this trouble for a sil y nightmare . '' the security guard smiled . `` al clear , ed ? '' `` al clear , ken . but if you have any more problems , ma'am , give us a cal . we 're up al night anyway , and checking for wolves in the penthouse is a lot more interesting than anything on late-night tv . '' `` i feel pretty foolish , '' emma said . `` someday i'l probably be able to laugh about this and make it into a good story , but right now it 's just embarrassing . '' `` ah , this is nothing , '' the guard named ken said . `` you would n't believe the things we get cal ed for . we had a magician whose bunnies and doves al got loose . took us three hours to corral them . '' keeping a supportive arm around emma , aidan shook hands with both men . `` no problem , '' ken said . `` lock up behind us . '' giving emma a squeeze , he crossed to the door and threw the dead bolt . `` aidan , i feel like such an idiot . '' he was the one who felt like an idiot for scaring her to death and making her doubt what she 'd seen . `` you 've been under a lot of pressure . '' `` but i real y do n't want to go back in there by myself . '' he 'd figured this was coming , and the next few hours would be torture . but he deserved to be tortured after frightening her like that . `` i'l stay with you . '' `` but we 're not hav*g sx . '' i 'm too spooked to do that , anyway . '' well , that 's one of us . he turned off the fireplace and the lights in the living room before fol owing her into the master bedroom . the scent of her drew him like a moth to a flame . but he would resist . with luck , his heavy burden of guilt would keep his johnson deflated for the next few hours . chapter 13 emma slept the rest of the night curled against aidan 's strong body . at his request , she 'd put on her pajamas , and he 'd left on his sweats and t-shirt . she could n't remember sleeping more soundly in her life . when she woke up , it was with a sense of something missing . gray light filtered through the crack between the drapes , and as she came ful y awake , she realized what was missing , or rather who . aidan had left the bed . the spot where he 'd been was stil warm , and she rol ed to that section and sniffed the pil ow . she stil could n't identify the brand of his subtle aftershave , although it had a hint of musk . maybe today she 'd ask him the name of it . in the meantime , she had to get cracking if she expected to make the drive-time radio interview at eight fifteen . she climbed out of bed and headed for the master bath . water was running somewhere in the suite , but aidan had left the master bath to her . one peek at him in the shower and she 'd jettison her morning appointments . that thought brought her to a dead stop in the middle of the bedroom . would she real y behave that unprofessional y because she wanted to have sex with aidan ? and that was unnerving as hel . she 'd worked too hard to get to this point in her writing career to jeopardize it for sex with a man , any man , but especial y this one . aidan had made it clear that they could hook up , as he 'd phrased it , but never have a more long-term commitment than that . had she al owed one fabulous night of sex with a talented lover to sidetrack her completely ? if so , shame on her . she 'd do wellto get her priorities straight . striding purposeful y into the bathroom , she pul ed off her pajamas and turned on the shower . she moved through her routine quickly and efficiently , determined to focus on what was important-namely , promoting night shift . she could n't blame aidan for her lack of dedication , though . he 'd resisted her al along .	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lissa 's anger was intensifying , muddled with embarrassment as she began to doubt herself and wonder if she had been getting too close to adrian . `` christian , for the love of god . if adrian did this for anyone , it was because of me and his crazy obsession . he bragged awhile ago that he could do it , and i did n't believe it . '' i turned to lissa . i needed to get her calm and diffuse those dark feelings that could cause so much trouble for her when they ran out of control . `` liss , you might not be wasted exactly , but you need to chill out for an hour before having this conversation . you 're going to say something as stupid as christian , and i 'll be the one who has to deal with the mess - like always . '' i 'd gotten worked up and expected someone to tell me how bitchy i sounded . instead , lissa relaxed and offered christian a smile . `` yeah , we should definitely talk about this later . a lot 's kind of happened today . '' sorry i jumped all over you . '' he returned her smile , fight patched up . `` so , '' lissa asked mia , `` who have you met here ? '' i stared at them in amazement , but no one seemed to notice . i 'd fixed their fight , and there 'd been no acknowledgment . no thank you , rose , for pointing out how idiotic we 're being . it was bad enough i had to endure their romance day after day , with no consideration for how i felt . now i was salvaging their relationship , and they did n't even realize it . `` i 'll be right back , '' i said , interrupting mia 's description of some of the other teenagers here . i was afraid if i sat there , i was going to say something i 'd regret or maybe break a chair . where had this rage come from ? i went outside , hoping a gulp of cold air would calm me down . instead , i got a face full of clove smoke . `` do n't start in about the smoking , '' warned adrian . he was leaning against the building 's brick wall . `` you did n't have to come outside . you knew i was here . '' well , that , and i felt like i was going to go crazy if i stayed inside another minute . '' he tilted his head to look at my face . `` you are n't kidding , are you ? you were fine a few minutes ago . '' i paced across the ground in front of him . then christian and lissa started having this stupid argument over you . they were the ones who were mad - and then i ended up madder than both of them . '' they were arguing over me ? '' `` hey , do n't snap at me . `` christian 's jealous because you hang around lissa so much . '' `` we 're studying spirit , '' said adrian . `` he 's welcome to join in . '' `` yeah , well , no one ever said love was reasonable . seeing you come back together kind of set him off . and then he got upset because you pulled rank with the queen for lissa . '' `` i did n't do it for her . i did it for all of you - but , well , you especially . '' i came to a halt in front of him . `` i did n't believe you . that you could do it . '' `` guess you should have listened to my family history in that dream after all . '' i just thought ... '' i could n't finish . i 'd thought dimitri would be the one who came through for me , the one who - despite what he said - could make almost anything happen . adrian prompted . with much effort , i managed to utter the next words . `` thank you for helping us . '' `` a kind word from rose hathaway . i can die a happy man . '' that i 'm normally an ungrateful bitch ? '' `` maybe you could redeem yourself with a hug . '' `` a small one ? '' with a sigh , i walked over and put one arm around adrian , leaning my head lightly against his arm . `` thanks , adrian . '' we stood like that for a heartbeat . i felt none of the crazy electricity or connection i did with dimitri , but i had to admit that lissa had been right about something . adrian was annoying and arrogant at times , but he really was n't the bastard i often made him out to be . the doors opened , and lissa and the others stepped outside . they understandably looked surprised , but i did n't care just then . besides , they probably all thought i was pregnant with adrian 's love child , so what did it matter ? `` yeah , mia 's got more important things to do than hang out with us , '' joked christian . `` hey , i just told my dad i 'd meet him . i 'll see you guys before i leave . '' she started to walk away , then abruptly turned around .	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i guess she couldve hired someone to try to find proof , chad said , and he frowned at the thought that his mother would go that far . well , i guess that shouldnt be a surprise since shes moved in with us . she does seem to be taking this pretty far . chads eyebrows were practically off his head now . i was going to ask you the night you offered her a lift home from the party . shes been with us almost from the wedding . she made up some excuse about fixing up her kitchen and not being able to stay in her townhouse or with you because you had a friend visiting . shes been living with us for over three weeks . i figured id let her get it out of her system and shed give up . chad started to laugh . sorry , jack , i know its not funny , only , it kind of is . no wonder she said she didnt need a ride home from the party the other night . i wondered how she was getting home but didnt press it . i guess she was home ! chad sobered then . kelly must think our family is nuts . what did she have to say about all of this ? jack joined chad and laughed at the situation that now resembled a sitcom . how had his life become like this ? kellys been great about it . she barely batted an eye when your mom showed up . she didnt even object when she had to move into my room . jack froze , realizing one second too late that he had let that little bit of information slip out . damn , there was a time when i was on top of every fact , every angle of a deal , and i never would have let a detail like that slip . this thing with kelly has me a hell of a lot more tied up in knots than i thought . chad wasnt laughing anymore either . he stared at his cousin . jack stood and moved to the front of his desk and leaned against it , legs crossed in front of him . if i tell you the truth , will you promise not to tell your mom yet ? i need some time to convince kelly to stay with me . oh , this i have to hear , said chad , and he moved to jacks couch and sat back with his feet up and his arms behind his head , ready for a good story . jack sighed and began . well , the day you guys met kelly when she came to my office ? chad nodded and jack went on . that was the first time i met her too . you met her that day ! chad said and laughed at the look on his cousins face . he could see jack was miserable having to admit this , and he loved every minute that his cousin squirmed . that minute . when she walked in and introduced herself to you guys ? that was the first time i saw her , he said and he looked more than a little sheepish . chad was now holding his stomach , he was laughing so hard . he sat up on the couch with his arms around his stomach , doubled over from the hilarity of jacks situation . he seemed completely unable to talk and there were tears running down his face . i know , i know , jack said . shes had me completely wrapped around her little finger since the day i set eyes on her . andrew poked his head in the door . for some reason , andrews presence only made chad laugh harder , so jack had to answer . im telling chad how kelly and i met , he said wryly . uh , the real story ? andrew asked , and he glanced over his shoulder to be sure no one had heard him , then came in and shut the door behind him . the whole nasty story , jack said with a shake of his head . so , he told you he thought maybe she was a call girl i hired for him ? or some random girl i picked up off the street ? andrew said to chad as he poured each of them two fingers of scotch from the small bar in jacks office . oh , well , i guess not all of it , jack said wryly as chad fell off the couch , laughing on the way down . it took about ten minutes while jack and andrew drank and watched him , all the while grinning , but chad finally got himself together enough to talk . so , what is she getting out of this ? chad asked as he wiped tears off his face . jack explained how she had found out about the will from his temp assistant and about their trade : three years of law school tuition for one year of marriage . thats all she asked you for ? man , she could have taken you to the cleaners . would have if she was anything like those vultures you usually date . jack nodded and laughed to himself . i gave her my credit card and told her she could use it for anything . i looked at the statement the other day . you wan na know what shes bought in all this time ? he paused before he answered his own question . a dress for the cocktail party and shoes to go with it . no jewelry to match .	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meghann sipped her champagne and looked across the street again . her car was parked in front of joe 's house . she wondered now if that had been a conscious choice . she knew it was ridiculous to go to him , maybe even dangerous , but there was something in the air tonight . a heady combination of romance and magic . it smelled like roses and made a woman believe that anything was possible . if she did , she 'd call herself a fool and stay put . so she hummed along with the music and walked down the gravel road . when she reached the black ribbon of asphalt , she turned right . at his gate , she paused . she pushed the thought away and went to his door . there , she debated for another minute or two , then knocked . moments later , joe opened the door . his hair was messed up , as if he 'd been asleep ; all he wore was a pair of black jeans . he waited for her to say something , but her voice had pulled a full retreat . she just stood there like an idiot , staring at his nak*d chest . she lifted her right hand , showing him the bottle of champagne she 'd carried over . he stared at her , saying nothing . when the silence became uncomfortable , he grabbed a black t-shirt from the sofa and put it on , then came back to the door . `` i suppose you 're horny . that 's why you came by , right ? '' she thought about pulling herself up , slapping him , even , but it would be for show . a woman who screwed strangers had lost that right long ago . he was being honest , but there was something else , too . it felt as if he were angry with her . even more disconcerting was the realization that she cared . i thought maybe we could go out . '' `` you want us to go on a date ? at one o'clock in the morning ? '' `` a better question is why . '' when their gazes locked , she felt a flutter in her pulse . she could n't possibly put the answer into words . she did n't dare look too closely at her own motivations . `` look , joe . maybe i had too much to drink . '' her voice stumbled ; need tripped her up . humiliated , she closed her eyes . when she opened her eyes , she saw that he 'd moved closer . it would take nothing at all for him to kiss her now , barely a movement . `` i 'm not much for going out . '' `` but i would n't mind if you wanted to come in . '' she felt the start of a smile . `` what i mind , '' he said , `` is waking up alone . it 's okay if you do n't want to spend the night , but do n't sneak out like a hooker . '' it lit up his whole face , made him look ten years younger . `` that 's the first time i 've seen you smile . '' `` yeah , '' he said softly , maybe sadly . meghann slept through the night . when dawn came to the small , dingy cabin windows and peered inside , she woke with a start . instead of feeling nervous and cranky-her normal moods after a sleepless night-she felt rested and relaxed . she could n't remember the last time morning had been so sweet . she felt the heavy weight of joe 's bare leg against her own . his arm was around her , anchoring her in place . even in sleep , his forefinger brushed possessively against her skin . she should move away . it was a maneuver she 'd perfected over the years-the intimacy-evading sideways roll , the silent plop to the floor , the soundless dressing and unseen exit . what i mind , he 'd said last night , is waking up alone . she could n't sneak out . the surprising part was that she did n't want to , not really . she sensed that she should , in that basic self-preservation kind of way , but really , it felt good to be in a man 's arms again . as she lay here , listening to his slow , even breathing , feeling his arm around her , she could n't help but realize how little intimacy she 'd known in her life . she was always so in control , moving forward on the path she saw for herself , she never let herself slow down enough to feel anything . it was n't real , of course , this intimacy she felt with joe . they did n't know or care deeply about each other , but for meghann , even this approximation of emotion was more than she 'd felt in years . the sex had been different last night , too . softer , gentler . instead of their previous i'm-going-as-fast-as-i-can coupling , they 'd acted as if they had all the time in the world . his long , slow kisses had made her crazy with wanting .	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her squirming soon forces me to abandon her front lest i hurt her accidentally . after all , her upper back and ass are much more forgiving when it comes to not quite perfect aim . i ca n't take it anymore , please ! '' i 'm surprised to hear her begging like that , but it fits the tone we 've set . pausing , i then add two final , more painful throws before i walk around to her front , staring at her bound tits before i meet her eyes . all that lusty moaning from you is kind of distracting . '' she frowns for a second but quickly returns to pleading with me when i slap her tits hard . i 'll do whatever you want of me , just please stop ! '' stepping close to her until her tits rub against my t-shirt , i reach around her and pinch her ass , then push my finger down her crack until it reaches her anus . she makes a face but keeps her eyes on mine , wide and seemingly afraid . `` and what keeps me from simply taking what i want ? '' i ask her , pushing the first digit of my middle finger inside her sphincter . she seems at a loss for words , even when i stop and step away from her . when she still does n't answer i slap her face again , loving the quick flash of anger that appears in her eyes before she tries to appear meek again . `` nothing , but things will be easier if i comply , right ? '' `` i can just force you to comply . i do n't need your cooperation , slut . '' i slap her again , hard enough this time to make her wince , and she suddenly drops the act . even though she can barely move she somehow manages to grip the ropes her cuffs are fixed to with her fingers , allowing her to brace herself a bit before she starts to yank on her bonds . she tries to wriggle out of them , and when that does n't help , kicks out towards me somehow , all the while shouting at me . `` you fking bastard , i demand that you let me go ! '' stepping out of her reach i watch her with a wry grin , inwardly wincing at how much the ropes must be digging into her tits , but she has had enough experience with bondage to have expected that before she started throwing that fit . `` not before i 'm done with you , '' i tell her succinctly , when her own thrashing has worn her out enough to stop for a moment . i love how angry my words make her . i simply shake my head , then pick up the whip again . `` seems like i need to teach you some manners , '' i grunt , then crack the whip after all in the general direction of her back . it falls short by several inches but the sound scares her into momentary submission again . her back is soon covered in red lines , and when she stops fidgeting every so often i turn my aim lower , to her ass . every whip lash makes her howl now , and a few of the marks turn into slightly raised welts , bound to stay for a few hours at least . a few more obscenities leave her but then she falls oddly silent , my signal to stop . leaving the whip by the wall i walk back to face her , the tear stains on her cheeks confirming my guess that i 've pretty much maxed her out . there 's still defiance in her gaze but she seems to want to shy away from me when i close the distance between us . reaching for her throat , i keep her from turning her head away , the light pressure of my fingers barely enough to choke her , but either way making a point . she does n't react when i press my lips to hers , but a quick , hard pinch of her ass makes her cry out and eliminates that problem . i shut her up by shoving my tongue into her mouth . either she 's tired of pretending not to care , or too far gone to keep on playing , as she kisses me back eagerly . a few whimpers escape her when i continue to knead her butt , then cut off when i increase the pressure of my fingers on her throat . when i pull back she lets out a strained panting sound , so i let go of her , and instead stroke her cheek softly for a moment , a tender gesture that i turn on her when i grab her hair and wrench her head back until she is forced to look into my face again . `` you will not defy me . stubborn as always , she keeps her lips pressed together until i slap her again , only then offering a whimpered , `` yes ! '' i reach up and start undoing the knots that hold all of the ties together . bella sighs with relief when the strain on her brsts lessens once there 's some slack in the ropes , but grits her teeth until i 'm done unwinding the ropes completely .	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you never beep for permission , '' she said he lifted up a spare key . `` i asked the manager to give me a key . '' he should n't have given you one . '' `` i 've found money can be a great incentive , along with telling him i was your boyfriend . '' she sighed then unlatched the lock . opening the door , she stepped back then wrapped the robe around her . `` i was going to get dressed . '' `` i see your indecision , lana . he asked , stroking her cheek . `` i do n't think i should be the one to go with you to your parents ' house for dinner . '' lana moved away from him . `` i 'm nowhere in your league . we 're friends , and your family might think i 'm something i 'm not . i do n't know if i can live with that . '' her excuses were ridiculous . there was nothing she 'd like more than being with him . `` my family will know you 're my friend . nothing is going to happen , lana . '' he stroked her arms before leaning down to kiss her lips . she kissed him back , and they both froze . their breaths mingled . her heart pounded as he brushed her lips once again . she licked her lips tasting him on her tongue . the tension in the room terrified her . there was an underlying attraction between them . she 'd sensed their attraction , and she 'd be stupid not to have recognised it . `` i 'll go and get dressed . '' kent pulled away . `` i 'll be waiting here for you . my family are not expecting anything else from you . please be yourself . '' `` i ca n't be anything else but myself . '' she smiled at him and then closed her bedroom door behind her . lana rested against the door . she could n't even comprehend what happened . one moment they 'd been talking about his family , and then he was brushing his lips against hers . neither of them had crossed that line before . biting her lip she moved to her wardrobe . most of her clothes were jeans and shirts with a few skirts mixed in . the two summer dresses she owned were stored away to preserve them . pulling out her favourite pair of blue jeans she settled on a red blouse . her underwear was plain and black . she 'd never win awards for fashion , but she looked reasonable . leaving her hair down she left the makeup and settled on her glasses rather than the contacts she preferred to wear . opening the bedroom door , she spotted kent looking through one of her cookery books . she cleared her throat gaining his attention . `` you wear glasses ? '' i tend to wear contacts though , but today i think glasses would work . '' she needed the added layer to keep him away . lana did n't know if she 'd be able to resist him . there 's no way kent wants you . he 's got supermodels and beautiful women hiding in his bed . you 're nothing compared to them . men do n't want real women . she sensed his disappointment . they were silent on the way down to the car . kent put the radio on shutting out any conversation . she stared out of the window wondering if she 'd made a mistake . in the last week and a half she 'd come to value his friendship . kissing , sex , and everything else would take him away . kent would never commit , and she was n't the kind of woman to let herself become a one night stand . **** kent was angry . she 'd worn the glasses to try to keep him at bay . he knew enough about lana to know what she was trying to do . their lips had brushed against each other , but they did n't deepen the kiss . he wanted to do far more than kiss , and then she 'd pulled away from him . what did he have to do to convince her he was n't going to hurt her ? she continued to stare out of the window and did n't even look in his direction . kent ground his teeth together to stop himself from looking like a total ass . you 're forty-five years old . pulling into the first available spot kent cut the engine of his car . `` we kissed , lana . i 'm not scared of the kiss , but i think you are . '' kent cupped her cheek forcing her to look at him . `` nothing is going to come of it . stop acting like i 'm going to attack you and demand something from you . '' i did n't mean to make you feel that way , '' she said . `` then calm down . we kissed , and i enjoyed it , but nothing is going to happen . lana took his hand and kissed his knuckles . an image of himself bashing his head against the steering wheel entered his head . instead , he smiled and turned the engine over . he pulled away from the kerb and started in the direction of his parents ' home . that did n't go well .	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the prophecy could be talking about different people . how are we supposed to be sure its about us ? it is i can feel it . i paced the room as a sleek black cat padded into the room , purring like an engine . i raised my eyebrow when alice scooped the cat in her arms , cooing at it and telling it how good it was . a black cat ? hes gorgeous , arent you , sammy ? i am sounding pretty strange right now , arent i ? yes i am , yes i am . i cant seem to stop talking like this , though , can i ? okayyyyyy . i said , flopping onto the bed . millions of tiny pillows surrounded me , drowning me in their fluffiness . im gon na end up being a crazy cat lady , arent i ? i laid my head in her pillow , breathing in the smell of her from it . hey , alice , can i borrow- i jumped up , startled by the sudden voice , and i slammed my head against the headboard as a boy just appeared in the room , as if out of thin air . the boy squinted , as if he couldnt see me . oh , matt , youve not really met my brother before , have you ? i shook my head and stared at the raven-haired boy . hey , im francis . good to meet you , i responded , trying to slow my heart beat . the world swirled around me , and a sharp pain in my stomach made me gasp out loud . fine , i replied , wincing . the pain was normal now , what with my cancer progressing so far . you should probably meet the rest of the clan , francis said , suddenly disappearing once again . is that a witch term or something ? its just what francis likes to call us . a witch group is called a coven , and it has four members . they each are supposed to represent one of the four elements . you cant have a coven with two of the same elements in . when a witch has the manifestation , they immediately know which element they are going to represent . i know now that im water . francis is air , and adara is earth . sally is also air , and gemma , my little cousin , is another earth . i thought about it , concentrating . in my mind i pictured just blackness , and then a tiny spark of light lured me in . it was a flame . im fire , i muttered , opening my eyes . great , francis said from across the room , a grin on his face because he successfully startled me again . now its time to meet the parents . chapter twelve alice matt looked nervous as i took his hand and led him into the crowded living room . sweat rolled down his face , and i thought i saw pain in his eyes . my mother and father were perched on the loveseat , both of them looking at matt with eyes full of suspicion . mum , dad , this is matt . my , uh , boyfriend ? i glanced at him as he swallowed nervously . his hands were sweating so much he had to wipe them on his jeans , leaving sticky marks . you are a warlock . my father sounded shocked . well , he had seen him a mere mortal a few hours earlier . matt said , flattening his slick hair back with his hand . dang , you did good girl , adara said , rising gracefully to her feet . she looked at him with hungry eyes . im adara , alices prettier and funnier twin . im not interested , matt said honestly , causing sally to try and hide her laugh behind a cough . adara curled up on the sofa , sending a death glare his way . and this is- i broke off when i saw matt seem to collapse in on himself . his knees gave out and his body crumpled to the floor at my feet . his head cracked on the coffee table , and he just slumped , lifeless and unconscious . gemma cried , getting down on the carpet and brushing matts hair aside to reveal a gash on his forehead . i dont know it suddenly came to me . hes diabetic . dad asked , kneeling on the floor , his old bones creaking . gem , can you fix him ? ive never tried to do it , but i think so . it has to do with blood . gemma specialised in healing to do with blood and open wounds . she put her hands on his head and concentrating on raising his blood sugar . matt didnt open his eyes . dizziness suddenly overcame me , and i stumbled , knocking into the wall . framed photos crashed to the ground , smashing into a million pieces . slipping down , little needles of glass dug into my hands and face . i was just too tired to care . my eyes opened , and were immediately assaulted by the harsh rays of the sun . i squinted and sat up on the sand , finally realising where i was . everything clicked into place now . i was in judgment .	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harry was examining him , narrow-eyed . `` you would n't know a dactyl from your left thumb . benedicta told you . '' grey 's eyebrows shot up . not in offense at harry 's impugning of his literary judgment-which was more or less true-but in surprise . for harry to have referred to grey 's mother by her christian name-while revealing that she knew about the poetry-was a shocking revelation as to the intimacy of their acquaintance . he had wondered how his mother had come to know that harry wrote erotic poetry . he returned the narrow look , with interest . harry , belatedly realizing what he 'd given away , looked as innocent as it was possible for a thirty-eight-year-old colonel of expansive habit , lecherous appetite , and considerable experience to look . grey debated briefly whether to make something of that look , but , after all , his mother was safely married now to general stanley , and neither she nor the general would thank him for causing scandal-and he really did n't want to call harry out , anyway . he settled for saying repressively , `` the lady is my mother , sir , '' and harry had the grace to look abashed . before more could be said , though , the front door opened and a cold draft swirled down the hall , lifting the papers on the desk and scattering them at grey 's feet . he stooped swiftly to pick them up before harry could reach them . `` christ , harry ! '' his eye flickered hastily over the careful script . harry growled , making a snatch at the paper . holding harry off with one hand , he read further , out loud : `` with thighs bedew 'd and foaming cunt-jesus , harry , foaming ? '' `` it 's a bloody rough draft ! '' `` oh , it 's rough , all right ! '' he stepped nimbly backward into the hall , evading harry 's grasp , and collided heavily with a gentleman who had just come in . i do beg your pardon most humbly ! grey blinked stupidly for a moment at the enormous fair man looming solicitously over him , then straightened up from his ignominious collapse against the paneling . `` von namtzen ! '' he clasped the big hanoverian 's hand , absurdly delighted to see him again . `` what brings you to london ? come and have supper with me , can you ? '' captain von namtzen 's sternly handsome face was wreathed in smiles , though grey saw that it bore the marks of some recent difficulty , the lines between nose and mouth harsher than they had been , hollows beneath the broad cheekbones and the deep-set eyes . he squeezed grey 's hand to express his pleasure at their reacquaintance , and grey felt a few bones give , though nothing actually cracked . `` i should be so pleased , '' von namtzen said . `` but i am engaged ... '' he turned , looking vaguely behind him and gesturing toward a well-dressed gentleman who had been standing out of range . `` you know mr. frobisher ? his lordship john grey , '' he explained to frobisher , who bowed . `` certainly , '' the gentleman replied courteously . `` it would give me great pleasure , lord john , was you to join us . i have two brace of partridge ordered , a fresh-caught salmon , and a vast great trifle to follow-captain von namtzen and i will be quite unequal to the occasion , i am sure . '' grey , with some experience of von namtzen 's capacities , rather thought that the hanoverian was likely to engulf the entire meal single-handedly and then require a quick snack before retiring , but before he could excuse himself , harry snatched the kidnapped papers from his hand , thus requiring an introduction to frobisher and von namtzen , and in the social muddle that ensued , all four found themselves going in to supper together , with a salmagundi and a few bottles of good burgundy hastily ordered to augment the meal . christ , it was catching . he 'd led the conversation over the soup to the subject of poetry , meaning only to chaff harry , but it had led to an enthusiastic declamation of a poem from brockes 's irdisches vergnugen in gott-in german-by mr. frobisher , and then a heated discussion between von namtzen and frobisher regarding the structure of a particular german verse form and whether this was or was not the parent of the english sonnet . harry , asked for his opinion , grinned at grey over his soup spoon . `` oh , i 'm certainly not qualified to give an opinion .	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`` i know eve is n't just a goddamn mission . i also know that a lot has to be resolved . i have to gain her trust so that i can be prepared to face whatever she 's running from . i do n't believe for a minute that she 's some criminal . she 's just a desperate woman doing whatever it takes to protect her family . would n't we all do the same ? just like you do for your own families . your wives . your children . '' `` you 're already looking at eve , cammie and travis as yours , '' garrett pointed out . `` we just do n't want to see you get hurt , man . '' `` i just want what you both already have , '' donovan said , his voice lowering and shaking lightly with emotion . `` and maybe eve is that person . but i wo n't ignore what i feel when i look at her just because i do n't have all the pieces to the puzzle yet . just like neither of you turned away from your wives who at that time were just a mission . just someone in trouble . '' `` point taken , '' sam said in a grudging voice . `` know that we have your back and that if you have feelings for eve , beyond that of someone in need , then we consider her family and one of us . we 'll do whatever we can to help . no way we 'll allow any harm to come to cammie and travis . or eve . but we want you to go into this with your eyes open . you 'd be taking on a teenager and a four-year-old , and that 's not going to be easy . '' donovan laughed , some of the tension easing from his shoulders . `` is n't that what ma did with rusty ? travis is n't the belligerent , defensive kid that rusty was , not that she did n't have good reason to be . scared but determined to protect his sisters . he should n't have a care in the world at his age , but instead he 's giving up his childhood and becoming a man long before his time . i 'd be proud to consider him my son , though it 's not like i 'm old enough to have fathered him . '' sam and garrett both chuckled , relaxing their rigid stances . `` yeah , well , you would have had to have gotten one hell of a head start if you fathered a fifteen-year-old kid when you were n't much older than him , '' garrett said . `` some days i feel a hell of a lot older . we 've all seen more in our somewhat young lives than any dozen people will ever see or experience . that shit ages a person . it 's time i started thinking about settling down and having a family of my own . time is passing me by and i 'm standing still . i love kgi . i would n't have any other job . but i do n't want it to become my entire life . i want what you guys have . a wife to come home to . children to fill my house . i want a reason to live and a reason to come back from every mission . '' sam and garrett exchanged quick , worried glances . donovan knew he sounded weary and that they were n't used to hearing this kind of heavy shit from him . he was ready for change . he was ready for life to stop passing him by while he stood on the fringes living for each mission with nothing to come home to afterward . `` do n't look at me like that , '' donovan said dryly . `` like it 's time to break out the straitjacket and haul me away . i can take care of myself and i damn sure do n't need you interfering in my love life . you 're getting way ahead of yourselves anyway . contrary to what you might believe , i 'm not plunging recklessly into a situation without examining every angle first . but when i say this , i know you 'll understand what i mean , because it was like this for you when you met sophie and sarah . when i look at eve , i see something more than a woman in danger . i see someone who 's different from every other mission i 've worked . i may not know where this will take me yet , but it 's not going to stop me from taking the path . '' `` i get it , '' garrett said softly . `` it was like that for me with sarah . but i 'll remind you that you hounded me about getting too emotionally involved . you were worried about me at the time and you even offered to take over the mission because you thought i was getting in over my head . i 'm just returning the favor here . '' `` i appreciate the brotherly concern , but i got this . now if you two will get on home to your wives , then i can get on with figuring out how to get eve to trust me enough to share whatever trouble she 's in . 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`` you got mud on my pants . '' i apologize that you 're a candy-ass who does n't like to get dirty . '' ethan practically sputters as he steps toward gabriel and i have no clue what to do . `` whatcha gon na do , candy-ass ? '' gabriel taunts him , leaning forward mockingly . gabriel raises an eyebrow , waiting , and i shake my head , disappointed that he would react like this . he did punch a hole in his wall , for god 's sake , then turned around and slammed jared into a wall . it 's clear what kind of guy he is ... someone who has a temper problem . before i can stop myself , i speak up for ethan . `` what the hell , gabriel ? you splashed mud on him . this is your fault , not his . why are you being such a dick about it ? '' the way he looks at me , with almost an offended expression , makes me wonder ... is this overreaction about me ? is he annoyed that ethan is here with me ? his face closes up , though , and i decide that that ca n't be right `` come find me if you get tired of having a girl fight your battles , '' gabriel tells ethan . `` and i 'll be happy to buy you another pair of candy-ass pants . '' he starts to walk away , then turns back around , his eyes locking on mine . his dark gaze is intense as he stares into my eyes , then at my mouth . why the hell is he acting like what happened the other night was normal ? like any of this is normal ? does n't he care that i helped him ? i took a chance , a risk , by walking a strange man home because i just could n't leave him there alone . and now he just wants to pretend that none of it happened . he just keeps staring at my lips with a gaze that says , it does n't matter . none of that matters , maddy . and for a minute it really does n't because he 's staring at my mouth like he wants to devour it and that 's all i can think about . self-consciously , i drag my teeth across my bottom lip . in reaction , the corner of his tilts up and i get a glimpse of his white teeth , his pink tongue . the same tongue that has licked and sucked my nples . my heart slams in my chest and he smiles , just slightly . he takes a step . he takes another one , dipping his head toward my ear , close enough that ethan ca n't hear , close enough that his lips graze my cheek . `` think about me , maddy . '' before i can respond , he grins cockily and spins around , jogging past us without looking back . `` what a dick , '' ethan mutters . `` jacey 's brother , '' i answer , fighting an incredible urge to look over my shoulder , to watch him jog away . `` i do n't know why he 's still here . i think he lives in chicago . '' i know he lives in chicago . but obviously i do n't mention that or how i know that . and i definitely do n't tell him what gabriel said . `` well , we can hope that he goes home soon , '' ethan grumbles . `` we do n't need aholes like that here . this town is too small for that . it 's bad enough that we have pax tate . '' his head snaps up as he remembers that pax is my brother-in-law , as he realizes that he just stuck his foot in his mouth . it 's just that ever since he moved here a few years ago , we all knew to steer clear of him . we knew that if we bumped into him on a bad day , he would be a total ahole . '' `` you were hardly ever home to bump into him . and he 's not an ahole anymore . '' `` that 's what they say , '' ethan says , seemingly unconvinced . his tone , his words ... everything about him right now is annoying me . he has no right to judge pax . and yes , gabriel overreacted . he could 've kept on jogging and pretended that he did n't hear ethan . but ethan did n't need to say anything in the first place . so what if he got some water splashed on his pants ? he really is a candy-ass . and gabe so clearly is not . my mood toward ethan has definitely been dampened even more than it already was and i remain quiet as he and i walk back to his car . after he drives me back to his place , i tell him that i 'm tired and that i should really head home rather than come inside for a drink . i can tell he 's disappointed , but he handles it smoothly .	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`` do you believe him ? forget the guy-code bs and tell me if what he said made any sense . '' `` we 're talking about raina here . it made perfect sense . '' did you talk to him this morning ? '' i did late last night . he was going to sleep it off and head for home later today . '' he 's been through worse . '' you 'll look out for him ? '' he nodded once and tugged his cap lower over his eyes . `` candace said you never called her last night . '' sighing , she rubbed at the headache that had never quite left her overnight . there was no way i could 've talked about it , even with her . '' `` just so you know , i did n't tell her anything . she asked how it went , and i only said it did n't go so well , and you were upset . you can tell her what you want . '' `` keeping it in your vault , huh ? '' he made a motion as if he were flicking a key away from his lips . and i 'm sorry more than ever now that you got dragged into this . '' `` hey , i hope it works out for you guys . she watched as the green landscape rolled past outside her window . spring was everywhere , it seemed , except inside her soul . winter still festered there , bleak and unrelenting . but she did n't hear a single note of confidence in her voice . she could n't even muster a fake one . even if it was the very thing she 'd asked for , it weighed on her heart to think of him alone in the house where he had memories of his parents and his grandmother , all of them gone now . memories of a sister who was n't around for him , and a brother who 'd ripped his heart out and apparently still did n't give a damn about it . so many times she found herself driving by his house like a psycho stalker . like raina , she often thought with a smirk . but where raina was probably building shrines and doing voodoo love spells or something , macy was just trying to work up the courage to stop . to get out , to walk up and ring his doorbell . to put her arms around him . she never could quite muster it . for all she knew , her speech about needing a family someday had scared him away more than anything else . it was n't exactly what a girl should spout when she was trying to snag a man , and she still wondered what possessed her to do it . just a burning need to lay her soul out there for him , to let him make a decision about her , knowing everything he thought he knew about her was wrong . she had some decisions to make herself . like if she believed him about raina . if it even freaking mattered about raina . somehow , the anger at him was n't there anymore . it was all at that girl . at that annoying little pest who would probably always be lurking around , waiting for her chance to resurface with a new strike against them . macy could just see it now . nuclear war , and all that would be left were cockroaches and raina . she could n't go to dermamania anymore , either . every time she thought of stopping by to visit candace , seth was there . even the convenient excuse to go in and see him was n't empowering enough . she was terrified to face him . what if he acted like nothing had ever happened between them ? what if she was only kidding herself ? and why did she miss that damn place so much now that it was off-limits to her ? `` macy , just come by and talk to him ! '' candace pleaded with her almost two weeks after the blow up in austin . she 'd never admitted to her friend what had really happened . in fact , she had n't let herself talk about seth with candace at all , mainly to avoid hearing those very words come out of candace 's mouth . but macy 's own vault had been getting full enough to burst ; she 'd had to ease the pressure . `` you know how you always like to tell me when i 'm doing something stupid ? '' but i do n't need to hear- '' `` nuh-uh . you do n't get off that easy . `` the thing is i was always wrong in your case . '' so please take it from me how bad you 're screwing up right now . '' he 's not ... like , starting to see someone else , is he ? '' but he needs you . he quit the band . '' her fallen heart flopped around sickly for a second or two . `` he 's pissed at them for bringing raina to austin without him knowing , apparently . said it was the last straw . '' `` he just ... quit ? '' `` is she causing you guys that much trouble ? god , i ca n't stand that bitch . '' he quit ? 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`` kill ye without the turn of an arse-hair , '' duff assured jamie . `` rip you like dem whale , '' peter put in helpfully , with a wave toward the island . the current had carried us a good deal closer to the land , and i could see the whale as well as smell it . seabirds whirled and screamed in a great cloud over the carcass , swooping down to tear away gobbets of flesh , and a small crowd of people clustered nearby , hands to their noses , clearly clutching handkerchiefs and sachets . just then , the wind changed , and a fetid gust of decay washed over us like a breaking wave . i clapped roger 's shirt to my own face , and even peter appeared to pale . `` mother of god , have mercy on me , '' jamie said , under his breath . `` i-oh , christ ! '' he leaned to the side and threw up , repeatedly . i nudged roger in the buttock with my toe . `` row , '' i suggested . roger obeyed with alacrity , putting his back into it , and within a few minutes , the keel of the piretta touched sand . duff and peter leaped out to run the hull up onto the beach , then gallantly assisted me out of the boat , evidently not holding the pistol against me . jamie paid them , then staggered a short distance up the beach and sat down , quite suddenly , in the sand beneath a loblolly pine . he was roughly the same shade as the dead whale , a dirty gray with white blotches . `` will we wait for ye , sir , and row ye back ? '' duff , his purse now bulging healthily , hovered helpfully over jamie . he waved feebly at me and roger , then closed his eyes and swallowed heavily . `` as for me , i believe ... i shall just ... swim back . '' 101 monsters and heroes the little boys were mad to see the whale , and tugged their reluctant mothers along like kites . i came along , keeping a somewhat more discreet distance from the towering carcass , leaving jamie on the beach to recover . roger took duff aside for a bit of private conversation , while peter subsided into somnolence in the bottom of the boat . the carcass was newly washed up on the beach , though it must have been dead for some time before its landing ; such an impressive state of decomposition must have taken days to develop . the stench notwithstanding , a number of the more intrepid visitors were standing on the carcass , waving cheerily to their companions on the beach below , and a gentleman armed with a hatchet was employed in hacking chunks of flesh from the side of the animal , dropping these into a pair of large buckets . i recognized him as the proprietor of an ordinary on hawthorn street , and made a mental note to strike that establishment from our list of potential eating-places . numbers of small crustaceans , not nearly so fastidious in their habits , swarmed merrily over the carcass , and i saw several people , also armed with buckets , picking the larger crabs and crayfish off like ripe fruit . ten million sand fleas had joined the circus , too , and i retreated to a safe distance , rubbing my ankles . i glanced back down the beach , seeing that jamie had risen now and joined the conversation-duff was looking increasingly restive , glancing back and forth from the whale to his boat . clearly , he was anxious to return to business , before the attraction should disappear altogether . at last he succeeded in escaping , and scampered away toward his piretta , looking hunted . jamie and roger came toward me , but the little boys were clearly not ready yet to leave the whale . brianna nobly volunteered to watch them both , so that marsali could climb the nearby lighthouse tower , to see whether there might be any sign of the octopus . `` what have you been saying to poor mr . `` he looked rather worried . '' no need of worry , '' he said , glancing toward the water , where duff 's piretta was rapidly pulling back to the quay . `` i 've only put a wee bit of business in his way . '' `` he knows where lyon is , '' roger put in . he looked disturbed , but excited . `` and mr. lyon knows where bonnet is-or if not where , precisely , at least how to get word to him . let us go a bit higher , aye ? '' jamie was still pale ; he gestured toward the stair of the tower with his chin , wiping sweat from the side of his neck . the air was fresher at the top of the tower , but i had little attention to spare for the view out over the ocean . `` and so ... i said , not sure i wanted to hear the answer .	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i had to move quickly to keep up with rush who had my hand clasped tightly in his as he walked swiftly outside away from the other guests in the bar . his father led the way . i was n't sure if rush was happy to see him or not . the only interaction they 'd had was rush nodding his head toward the door . he obviously had n't wanted this introduction to have an audience . dean finlay , the world 's most notorious drummer , stopped several times on our way out to autograph items shoved in front of him . it was n't just females either . one guy had even stepped forward and asked him to sign a bar napkin . the threatening gleam in rush 's eyes as he tried to get his father out of the bar kept the rest of them away . instead , they all remained silent and watched as slacker demon 's drummer headed out the door . the night breeze was cold now . i immediately shivered and rush stopped and wrapped his arms around me . `` we need to go to the house . i 'm not going to make her stand out here and talk . it 's too damn cold , '' rush told his father . dean finally stopped walking and looked back at me . his eyes slowly took me in and i could see the moment he noticed my stomach . `` dean , this is blaire wynn . my fiancee . blaire , this is dean finlay , my father , '' rush said in a tight voice . he did n't sound like he wanted to make this introduction . `` no one told me i was gon na be a grandpa , '' he said in a slow drawl . i was n't sure how he felt about that because there was no emotion on his face . `` i 've been busy , '' was the only response rush gave him . was he embarrassed to tell his dad ? i felt sick at my stomach and started to ease away from him . his arms tightened their hold on me and i could feel his attention focused completely on me . he asked , turning his back on his father and bending down so he could look me directly in the eyes . i did n't want to have this conversation in front of dean . i could feel his dad 's eyes on both of us . i shook my head but my body was still tense . the fact he had n't told his father was bothering me . `` i 'm taking her to the car . i 'll meet you back at the house , '' rush said over his shoulder but kept his eyes focused on mine . i dropped my gaze , wishing i had n't reacted now . i was making a scene . dean was going to think i was a whiny princess . i opened my mouth to argue when rush wrapped his arm around my waist and led me to the range rover . he did n't like me upset , which was something we needed to work on . i would get upset . he could n't control that . rush opened the passenger side door and lifted me up and put me in like i was five . when he thought i was upset he started treating me like a child . we really needed to work on that too . he did n't even have his door closed before he looked at me . i need to know so i can fix it . '' i sighed and sank back against the seat . i might as well get this over with even if i was being a little touchy . `` why have n't you told your dad about the baby ? '' rush reached over and closed his hand over mine . `` that 's what 's wrong ? you 're upset because i have n't told dean ? '' i nodded and kept my eyes on our hands resting on my leg . `` i have n't taken time to track him down . and i knew he 'd show up when i told him because he 'd want to meet you . i was n't ready for company just yet . lately my emotions were on high alert . i lifted my eyes and met his concerned gaze . rush leaned over and kissed my lips gently . `` i 'm sorry i upset you , '' he whispered before pressing one more kiss to the corner of my lips and leaning back . it was moments like these that i became a swoony mess . so , let 's go see what brought him here before my mother finds out . i do n't like having my f**ked up family around . '' rush did n't let go of my hand as he cranked the engine and pulled out onto the road . i laid my head against the seat and turned it so i could look at him . his unshaven jaw made him look older and untamed . i wish he 'd not shave more often . i liked the way it felt too . he had taken out his earring and hardly ever wore it anymore . i asked rush glanced over at me . `` i was hoping he was here to meet you . but i do n't think he knew about you yet . so that means this very well could be about nan . '' his sister had n't been back to rosemary since her release from the hospital .	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mr. irving had already given me the day off to prepare , so i took a piece of paper and started making a list of all the things i wanted to do . after ten minutes my list looked like this : 1 ) get a tattoo 2 ) finally peg the speedometer on winnie 3 ) eat a steak 4 ) drink a red bull 5 ) ride a roller coaster 6 ) eat a full container of ice cream okay , i know , nothing really exiting , but i had limited hours and i was a geek . i was lucky i hadnt put win dungeons and dragons or something super geeky on the list . i knew nothing about the game , so i wasnt sure if you could actually win , but its a game and i supposed someone eventually won . thats quite a list you got there , nate said as he looked over my shoulders . i jumped a little , since i didnt hear him sneaking up on me . yup and i have about eight hours to get it all done before i have to start thinking about getting ready . i also have to remember to pick up some kind of dress , because i dont think i own anything that would be acceptable for a ball . most of the list looks pretty easy . for lunch we can make steaks , drink the red bull and have ice cream for dessert . we can hit luna park over on coney island for your coaster ride , and let me call rick , he has some connections with the drag strip over in englishtown . im guessing you want to go that fast legally , right ? i suppose legal is the way to go . any ideas on the tattoo ? even though it was number one on the list , i wasnt sure id go through with it . id wanted one forever , but i hadnt managed to muster up the courage to get one . ill ask rick if he has any recommendations when i call about the track . do you know what you want to get ? yup , i replied simply . are you going to share ? i didnt even want him to see the finished product . hed probably claim it was his idea . get ready and ill make the call . he walked into the living room and i smiled about keeping my tattoo a secret . if he wouldve pushed , i might have given in , but i doubted it . i grabbed the perfect shirt for the day , a pair of jeans and some underwear . the shirt saidthe time is nowand had pictures of pigs flying . with clothes in hand , i went into the bathroom and locked the door . after a quick shower and dressing , i emerged to the living area to see what nate had to report . were good for the track and i have a tattoo artist who can fit you in today . lets head towards the track , since it takes about an hour to get there , then we can come back to coney island , have a little lunch and end the day with a tattoo . do you have any other tattoos ? he asked as he finished relaying what he planned for the day . this will be the first . i grabbed my motorcycle boots and a pair of socks . i sat down on the couch next to him to finish getting ready . okay , well swing over by ricks to pick up a bike for me . you cant have all the fun today , he replied as i locked the door behind us . nate picked up the same bike hed rode during our daytrip . with us each on a motorcycle , we hit i-95 and headed south to englishtown . it was a nice short trip and we only had to stop for gas once . when we arrived at the track , nate explained to a group of people what we were doing there . we had to go through a quick safety inspections of our helmets to make sure they were dot approved , but once that was out of the way , we were sent to the starting line . id never drag raced before , so i wasnt really sure what to expect . nate evidently was a pro , or at least he sounded like one when he started explaining everything to me . okay , you need to start here and roll up slowly . on the lights up ahead youll see two sets of yellow lights at the top . you want to slowly roll forward until both of the ones on your side are lit . then , once we both have them lit , the two bigger lights under that will light up leading to the green light at the bottom of them . when the green light turns on , you go . we can spend about forty-five minutes here before we need to head back to the city , so we have time for a couple runs . got it , i said , lowering my visor . i followed his directions and moved up slowly . in place , i waited for him . the second set of lights started going . i wasnt ready for the green light to shine in my face . i watched nate take off and i let the clutch out as fast as possible and lurched forward . i worked through the gears faster than i remembered shifting before . i was pretty sure my heart beat hard enough that it would burst from my chest as i crossed the finish line .	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alix felt he was the absurd one , thinking she could change who she was , wipe out her past and play the role of pastor 's wife . more than anything , i wish i could be the woman you and everyone else want me to be . i tried , but it 's not going to work . '' `` you 're serious , then ? it is n't just the wedding you 're calling off , it 's the whole marriage ? '' this was n't a ploy or a trick to get him to change his mind about the wedding and do it her way . he 'd summarized the situation clearly . she 'd let her love cloud her feelings , confuse her actions . she 'd realized , while scratching the skin off her arms , that jordan had n't listened to her . he thought he had , assumed he 'd allayed her fears . because she 'd wanted to believe him , she 'd allowed his confidence to momentarily reassure her . he gestured weakly , then let his arms fall to his sides . alix shook her head and shoved her hands in her pockets for fear she 'd start scratching again . `` your mother will know the proper protocol , '' she told him . his mouth thinned , and alix could tell that the prospect of facing his mother displeased him . `` i do n't think canceling the wedding 's going to be that much of a problem . your family will smooth everything over . '' with these words , she walked out of his office . jordan did n't come after her . alix got on the bus and rode around for a long time , lost in her misery . on impulse she changed buses and went out to sea-tac airport , then walked to nearby star lake , where jordan 's grandmother , sarah turner , lived . with the wedding officially canceled , alix did n't know if she 'd ever see her again . the prayer shawl was finished and she wanted to give it to sarah . unfortunately she did n't have it with her . it was quite a hike from the road to the residential area around the lake , but the physical exertion made alix feel better . she recognized the house from her visit at christmas and the time she and jordan had gone in january . she walked down the dusty driveway and discovered grandma turner busy working in her yard . the old woman held a large watering can and wore coveralls and rubber boots , her thick white hair tied back with a red-and-blue bandanna . she straightened when she saw alix . `` hello , grandma , '' alix said , although she knew it was presumptuous to address pastor turner 's mother as grandma , since alix was no longer going to be part of the family . `` alix ? `` where 's jordan ? '' `` work , i guess . '' grandma set the watering can aside and clumped over to the house to turn off the faucet . `` well , come inside and have a glass of iced tea . her welcome was so warm , it almost brought alix to tears . obediently alix followed her to the house . `` i was watering my garden and tending the rhododendrons , '' sarah said as she removed her boots , lining them up on the back steps . `` they 're gorgeous this year . alix barely heard her . she stood in the doorway , hands in her pockets , and knew she had to say something , had to explain . `` i should n't have come , '' she mumbled . `` nonsense , '' grandma turner said briskly . as if to prove her point , she took two glasses from the kitchen cupboard . alix stepped inside and breathed in the simple beauty around her-the scarred oak table , scrubbed clean , the pots of herbs , the handwoven curtains and braided rug . she loved this house and she loved jordan 's grandmother . to her horror , she began to cry . sniff ling , she ran her sleeve under her nose . `` i ... wanted to tell you i knit you a shawl . '' somehow she managed to get the words out but she did n't know if they were even intelligible . jordan 's grandmother turned to squint at her . `` where 'd i put my eyeglasses ? '' she started moving things on the table in a fruitless search . `` i hear better with my glasses on . '' despite her misery , alix grinned . seeing them on the counter , she walked farther into the kitchen and handed them to the old woman . grandma turner slid them on , then looked at her and frowned . alix wiped her nose again . `` i did n't know if i was ever going to see you again , '' she said . `` i came to say thank you and to tell you goodbye . '' are n't you marrying- '' grandma stopped abruptly , her eyes narrowed . `` there is n't going to be a wedding , '' alix told her , refusing to lay blame or offer elaborate explanations .	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`` he 's blackmailing you ? '' tamara hazarded a guess . `` why use an ugly word like blackmail when proposition will do ? '' tamara 's eyes narrowed . `` just what is easterbridge offering you ? '' `` colin is now the proud owner of the wentworth family town house in mayfair , as well as the old estate in berkshire . '' pia gasped , and tamara 's expression turned to one of sympathy . belinda resisted the urge to rub her temples . `` apparently , my uncle believed that the corporate entity to whom he was selling was a cloak for a wealthy foreigner who preferred anonymity . he did n't know it was easterbridge until i broke the news to him recently . '' belinda shot pia a glance that said she agreed with the sentiment . `` of course , this change of ownership is all hush-hush . no one is supposed to know about it , and uncle hugh is continuing to reside at the town house in london . '' `` well , do n't worry , '' pia said , `` as far as i know , mrs. hollings has n't gotten wind of this angle to the story . '' `` what do you mean by angle ? '' pia and tamara exchanged looks , as if debating who was going to tell her . pia pasted on a smile . `` mrs. hollings published news in her gossip column this morning that you had moved into halstead hall and that you and colin have decided to make a go of your marriage . '' `` oh , pia , on your wedding day ! '' `` it 's all right , '' pia soothed . `` my wedding will no doubt feature prominently in tomorrow 's column . mrs. hollings ' column is actually what prompted me to ask about you and colin . '' `` i did n't want to trouble you with my news in the days before your wedding , and tamara is pregnant and has other things on her mind . '' the truth was also that she was still coming to terms with her new status quo with colin . belinda had no idea how mrs. hollings got her information . the woman seemed to have sources everywhere . on the other hand , belinda acknowledged that she herself had not gone to great trouble to conceal her steps , either . she had appeared on colin 's doorstep last week with weekend bag in hand and had let it slip at work that she 'd been at halstead hall . for better or worse , she was going to be colin 's wife for the next two years , and word was bound to get out sooner or later . she knew her marital status had been a source of speculation and interest at lansing 's , and elsewhere in new york and london . everybody was aware of the debacle at st. bart 's last year-some had even been eyewitnesses . she supposed that the silver lining to mrs. hollings ' gossip column today was that her work colleagues would stop conjecturing about her marital status and see her as settled into married life . tamara fished a cell phone out of her small handbag . she scrolled down and then handed her phone to belinda . belinda read the text with unease . this columnist has it on good authority that a certain marquess and marchioness are nesting in berkshire near h**** . could it be that a little birdie will hatch next spring ? belinda mentally winced . she handed the phone back to tamara . `` is n't there something you can do to stop mrs. hollings ? does n't she work for sawyer 's media outlets ? '' tamara shrugged as she put away the phone . `` mrs. hollings is a renegade . sawyer believes in the separation of the news and business sides of his companies . he wo n't interfere to kill an individual story . '' belinda grimaced at mrs. hollings ' words . hatch a little birdie ? she had n't even slept with colin again-yet . she 'd arrived back in england from new york just in time for pia 's wedding . belinda lifted her shoulders . no annulment , no divorce . '' you plan to stay married ... until death do you part ? '' `` not quite , '' belinda admitted , hedging . `` i 've talked easterbridge into a sort of postnuptial agreement . the longer we stay married , the more wentworth property i can walk away with in a divorce . '' in fact , easterbridge had had a short agreement drawn up by his solicitor while belinda had gone back to new york . she 'd had her lawyer review it , and the agreement had been signed just yesterday . pia looked deflated . `` still , perhaps colin really does care for you , because what other incentive would he have for agreeing to such an arrangement ? 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