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the elevator jolted to a stop , making her jump back , horrified by what she 'd been about to let him do to her . he reached out to steady her as she bumped against the wall . `` careful , '' he said roughly , his touch making her skin quiver , as if the thin material of her top beneath his hands did n't exist . it was time to put some distance between them . `` i think i need eyes in the back of my head , '' she said , trying to sound glib but the huskiness in her voice gave her away . `` it would help , '' he muttered , a vein throbbing at his temple , telling her he was as affected as she was . `` maybe then i would n't want you . '' `` i- '' `` do n't say a word , danielle . not a word or i 'll carry you back up to my office and make love to you right now . '' she 'd known there was a sexual spark between them from the start , but hearing him say out loud that he still wanted her was shocking . `` but ... i 'm pregnant . '' `` i know , '' he said , his mouth grim . for a moment she stood there , stunned as the doors behind him slid open to an empty lobby . flynn donovan still wanted her . and dear god , she wanted him , too . but pregnant widows were n't supposed to want a man . yet how could she want a man who thought the worst of her ? a man who had accused her of stealing his money ? of lying and cheating ? a moment crept by , then with a hint of regret in his eyes , he took her arm , gently pulled her past him and pushed her out into the lobby , but not before she felt his hard body brush against her own . `` the car 's yours , '' he said roughly , not moving from the elevator . his eyes held hers for another instant , tiny flames firing in them , then anger flared and he reached out and shoved the car keys in her hand . he turned and stabbed the elevator button . the door closed shut between them and she took a steadying breath . flynn donovan stirred a need within her that was more than physical . had n't she had enough heartache where men were concerned ? it was all his pa 's fault that he had to return danielle 's purse after work , flynn decided . if it were left to him , he would have sent it back by courier . as it was , if he did n't do it , she would . she 'd said so when he 'd returned from seeing danielle off at the elevator and connie had stood there with the purse in hand and a worried look in her eyes . he had n't been about to let that happen . if danielle got her clutches into connie , then she would have won . of course , his pa was more than happy for him to return the purse . delighted in fact . he was still in her good books after yesterday when he 'd walked into the office and ordered her to go buy a new car . connie had said with a frown . `` for danielle ford , '' he 'd snapped . `` what about the loan ? '' `` she refused to tear it up . '' connie had nodded , as if agreeing . `` she has integrity , that one . '' he 'd shaken his head , still amazed his usually perceptive assistant could n't see the truth . `` she 's just trying to pull the wool over your eyes . '' he did , but he 'd refused to mention his theory that danielle was after a rich man to marry her . how else could she keep herself and her baby in the manner to which she was accustomed ? right now a car is her immediate concern . that 's if it meets with your approval , '' he 'd derided . her eyes had softened with understanding . `` that is n't why you did it , but thank you , flynn . '' `` connie , do n't turn me into a saint . '' `` heaven forbid , '' she 'd joked . then her forehead had creased . perhaps i should go and see- '' `` no , '' he 'd growled . `` but someone should keep an eye on her . '' `` do n't get involved , connie . '' `` but- '' `` say one more thing about danielle ford and i 'll fire you myself . '' she 'd given him a look that said it was n't over , but she 'd done what he 'd ordered and bought a car . so now he would return the purse , then go home and dress for his date and he 'd make damn sure he enjoyed himself tonight , he decided , as he strode down the hallway toward danielle 's penthouse door . he had a date with an ex-lover and he fully intended to make the most of his night and the last thing he needed was a glimpse of danielle ford to remind him what he could n't have with her .

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["widows", 1167], ["suppose", 1185], ["supposed", 1185], ["man", 1199], ["mans", 1199], ["manned", 1199], ["yet", 1205], ["think", 1242], ["thinkest", 1242], ["thought", 1242], ["bad", 1252], ["worst", 1252], ["accuse", 1283], ["accused", 1283], ["steal", 1299], ["stole", 1299], ["stealing", 1299], ["money", 1309], ["moneys", 1309], ["cheat", 1333], ["cheating", 1333], ["creep", 1350], ["creeps", 1350], ["creeped", 1350], ["crept", 1350], ["hint", 1372], ["hinting", 1372], ["regret", 1382], ["take", 1404], ["took", 1404], ["arm", 1412], ["gently", 1421], ["pull", 1428], ["pulled", 1428], ["past", 1437], ["push", 1452], ["pushed", 1452], ["feel", 1501], ["felt", 1501], ["hard", 1510], ["body", 1515], ["bodied", 1515], ["brush", 1521], ["brushest", 1521], ["car", 1550], ["move", 1593], ["moving", 1593], ["hold", 1627], ["held", 1627], ["another", 1644], ["instant", 1652], ["tiny", 1659], ["flame", 1666], ["flames", 1666], ["fire", 1673], ["firing", 1673], ["anger", 1694], ["flare", 1701], ["flared", 1701], ["shove", 1731], ["shoved", 1731], ["key", 1744], ["keyed", 1744], ["keyest", 1744], ["keys", 1744], ["hand", 1756], ["turn", 1768], ["turned", 1768], ["stab", 1780], ["stabs", 1780], ["stabbed", 1780], ["button", 1800], ["buttoning", 1800], ["door", 1811], ["close", 1818], ["closed", 1818], ["shut", 1823], ["breath", 1868], ["breathest", 1868], ["stir", 1892], ["stirs", 1892], ["stirred", 1892], ["within", 1906], ["physical", 1938], ["enough", 1963], ["heartache", 1973], ["man", 1983], ["mans", 1983], ["manned", 1983], ["men", 1983], ["concern", 1998], ["concerned", 1998], ["concernest", 1998], ["pa", 2018], ["fault", 2027], ["faulting", 2027], ["return", 2049], ["returnest", 2049], ["purse", 2067], ["work", 2078], ["wrought", 2078], ["decide", 2094], ["decided", 2094], ["left", 2112], ["leave", 2112], ["send", 2140], ["sent", 2140], ["courier", 2159], ["return", 2242], ["returnest", 2242], ["returned", 2242], ["see", 2254], ["seeing", 2254], ["connie", 2294], ["look", 2352], ["happen", 2407], ["get", 2425], ["got", 2425], ["clutch", 2438], ["clutches", 2438], ["win", 2476], ["course", 2488], ["happy", 2517], ["delighted", 2557], ["fact", 2565], ["good", 2592], ["book", 2598], ["books", 2598], ["yesterday", 2614], ["yesterdays", 2614], ["walk", 2632], ["walked", 2632], ["order", 2660], ["orderest", 2660], ["ordered", 2660], ["go", 2670], ["goest", 2670], ["buy", 2674], ["buyed", 2674], ["new", 2680], ["frown", 2715], ["frowns", 2715], ["ford", 2738], ["snap", 2757], ["snapping", 2757], ["snapped", 2757], ["loan", 2782], ["refuse", 2802], ["refused", 2802], ["tear", 2810], ["teared", 2810], ["nod", 2839], ["nodded", 2839], ["agree", 2856], ["agreeing", 2856], ["integrity", 2879], ["shake", 2908], ["shaken", 2908], ["amazed", 2932], ["usually", 2944], ["perceptive", 2955], ["assistant", 2965], ["see", 2979], ["truth", 2989], ["pull", 3021], ["wool", 3030], ["wools", 3030], ["mention", 3088], ["theory", 3099], ["rich", 3130], ["marry", 3143], ["married", 3143], ["else", 3158], ["keep", 3173], ["keepest", 3173], ["baby", 3194], ["manner", 3208], ["manners", 3208], ["accustom", 3236], ["accustomed", 3236], ["immediate", 3271], ["concern", 3279], ["concerned", 3279], ["concernest", 3279], ["meet", 3301], ["meeted", 3301], ["meets", 3301], ["approval", 3320], ["deride", 3339], ["derided", 3339], ["soften", 3363], ["softens", 3363], ["softened", 3363], ["understanding", 3382], ["thank", 3426], ["thanks", 3426], ["thankest", 3426], ["turn", 3467], ["saint", 3483], ["saintes", 3483], ["heaven", 3498], ["heavens", 3498], ["forbid", 3505], ["forbade", 3505], ["joke", 3523], ["jokes", 3523], ["joked", 3523], ["forehead", 3543], ["crease", 3555], ["creased", 3555], ["perhaps", 3565], ["growl", 3614], ["growls", 3614], ["growled", 3614], ["eye", 3650], ["eyed", 3650], ["get", 3676], ["involve", 3685], ["involved", 3685], ["thing", 3732], ["fire", 3767], ["give", 3796], ["given", 3796], ["buy", 3881], ["buyed", 3881], ["bought", 3881], ["home", 3937], ["homing", 3937], ["dress", 3947], ["dressest", 3947], ["date", 3960], ["damn", 3980], ["damned", 3980], ["sure", 3985], ["enjoy", 3996], ["enjoyed", 3996], ["tonight", 4012], ["stride", 4040], ["stridden", 4040], ["hallway", 4057], ["hallways", 4057], ["toward", 4064], ["penthouse", 4086], ["ex", 4118], ["exes", 4118], ["lover", 4124], ["fully", 4137], ["intend", 4146], ["intendest", 4146], ["intended", 4146], ["night", 4176], ["last", 4189], ["need", 4205], ["needest", 4205], ["needed", 4205], ["glimpse", 4219], ["glimpses", 4219], ["remind", 4246]]

im sure theyll come in soon . i seriously doubt hed take off again . this isnt over yet , jim said gravely . we may have samantha back , but my gut says thats not going to stop whoevers behind all of this . he stared out at the helicopter . it may have caused even more problems . hunter looked at him gravely . he and jim went back inside . every chair the women could find was pulled close to the fire and all five women were sitting and chatting quietly . hunter and jim settled on the floor and listened . janet suddenly stood up . ill be back in a while , she said and quickly went outside . curious , hunter got up and watched from a window as she ran for the helicopter and climbed onboard . he continued to watch for a few minutes then decided to sit down on the floor again to gaze at the fireplace and enjoy the warmth . i just wonder why she suddenly decided to go out there . twenty minutes later , janet returned with hector and john . all were dripping wet and gathered around the fire . wheres that pilot ? out on the porch , hector said . why doesnt he come in where its warm ? hunter gave him a curious look . he needs a personal invitation ? stepping out to the porch he noticed the man standing at the rail looking out in the direction of the helicopter . its a lot warmer inside , hunter said . so come on in . im not sure youd want me to , he said and turned to face him . i bet you never expected to see me , hamilton said . hunter continued to stare . when did you learn how to fly like that ? hamilton didnt respond immediately then said , its my job . dont you mean con job ? ripping people off ? sponging off of me ? is that what you mean by having a job ? the door opened and john joined them . you two make up yet ? you both had better figure out a way to get along in front of everyone else because we cant afford for ham to blow his cover , john said firmly . ham is it ? hunters laugh was muffled by the wind . his cover ? john stood toe-to-toe with hunter . you have no idea what hes been doing for the past few years , do you ? because , if you did , most of what is going on right now would make a hell of a lot more sense to you . but for now , his name is brad and you know each other , but thats it . hes a damn good pilot and youre very impressed with his skills . now its brad . hunter looked at both men in the faint glow of light from the cabin windows . damn good pilot . with that he went back inside . john looked at hamilton . were not going to be able to keep up this charade for long . as soon as i can , im out of here . samantha is safe . the rest of you can take it from here . im going to draw our not-so-good friends away from all of you . try to take the heat off . dont do anything foolish , ham . youre still part of the team . does frank know im working with you guys ? weve tried to keep that under wraps . he looked out at the helicopter holding its own against the wind . based on what you and hector said , someone seems to have an inside track on what were doing and when . it does feel like we have a leak somewhere . weve wondered about frank , but dont have anything solid to go on . besides , why would he work against us ? what would he gain from it ? nothing , i guess , except money . john patted his friend on the back . i think ill sleep in the chopper tonight , hamilton said . ive slept in worse conditions , so ill see you in the morning . john laughed , which will be in about three hours . yeah , well you get inside . tell them whatever you need to about me and ill see you in about three hours . hamilton pulled his jacket up over his head and ran for the helicopter . john watched until he was safely onboard then joined the others inside . chapter twenty-four the violent storm managed to blow through overnight with much calmer winds blowing by daybreak . the rain had stopped and the few remaining clouds were giving way to blue sky and a bright morning . birds were already out taking advantage of an abundance of available puddles . hector was up and feeding the fire that had reduced itself to glowing coals . he and john chatted quietly before slipping outside so the others could sleep . they headed for the helicopter only to find it was empty and their partner nowhere to be seen . now whats he up to ? hector wondered aloud . both men scanned the area until they saw finally him standing at the farthest end of the airstrip . should we join him , or wait ? lets stay here , hector said . they leaned against the side of the helicopter and waited until hamilton finally joined them .

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i dont ever laugh at you , he said , and we took to talking till way after dark , about all sorts of stuff that came to us -- about my studies at school , and about the world , and about what was going on with us -- not like us us but about what was going on in our lives , general like . while we was talking , hed be looking for opportunities to touch me , like to empathize a point , hed reach out and touch my hand in the scaredest way , like a cat inching forward and pulling back , and the softest kind of touch , fainter than a mosquito landing . then , out of no where , i asked him why hed broke up with his girlfriend . i was kind of an asshole , he said . i couldnt imagine it and told him so , he seemed to be the sweetest , gentlest person you could imagine , not like all the hicks around mccauleysville , bless their hearts . i mean the level of culture around here was that their idea of littersure was watching leonardo dicaprio in his romeo and juliet movie . but the weird thing was , his saying that he 'd been wrong -- and from the tone of his voice , that he was sorry -- made me like him even more . so i have to admit , after that day , i took to sitting by the front window of the waffle house , and every day hed come in , like for a cup of coffee , or a strawberry waffle , or something , and wed meet like by accident -- as if -- and talk till ashley kicked us out . an it was all so innocent like we dint know what we was doin . we was just two flies caught in the syrup . ( which sounds like a lie , i know , but its realy the godawful truth ) . ~~~ kissing leads to prosintuition if i had been just been raised in a baptist home it would be easier for me . i went to baptist schools but a non denominational church , an sometimes the other way roun -- baptist churches an nondemonizational schools , or even worse -- public . except summers when i 'd go to my granddad 's church . skirts , no jeans , no music , no nail polish , no dancing , no spongebob , never ever go to movies , an above all else -- no asking why . in my home with my mom , dad was n't there most of the time , he was out ministrin so he dint make make any rules , least none that we had ta follow , so i mostly tried to figure stuff out for myself . i was encouraged to question everything . i remember before school started every morning we would get 4 different newspapers and go through the current events . the mom would read the articles and then ask what i thought , as soon as i gave my opinion she 'd give me an argument against it , then i 'd change my mind and she 'd change hers . she said she was teaching me to think for myself and defend out beleafs ( and she did like to argue , so i got a lot of practice ) . sadly this did not always serve me well in my very conservative school . richard finished his summer intern down in norlans , so we are talking 5 times a day on the phone-and for hours on the net because , tryin to figure out what happened last time i went to visit him ( during the time of hurricane ofeelyah ) . he is back home which means we are in the same time zone . when he is at stanford he is 3 hours ahead so it is harder . he has more time on his hands to remind me of my faults . i told him i am using our different views on marriage for my english essay . he thinks it 's funny because he sists the bible is the only true way . first , the man is the leader of the family an cant nothin be said against him . that 's called `` challenging the thority of a man . '' when i was in third grade , bobby joe gillbrady said somethin in math class that was jus so stupid i could n't keep my mouth shut . i shot my hand up . `` miz cannon ! '' i musta near shouted . `` bobby joe dont know what he 's talkin ' bout . 23 times 44 is one thousand twelve . '' ( an it was . an still is , too . ) but stead of being praised for being right , miz cannon laid into me for ( you guessed it ) `` challening the thority of a man '' ( even tho bobby joe wernt but 8 years old , an a pretty sorry scuse for an 8-year-old , even ) . that 's how i know what number 1 is for richard the third . marriage is a higher archy , with the man on top . the woman ai n't loud to say peep to her husband else she 's guilty of rebellion . number 2 rule is spare the rod , spoil the wife . you see , all sin is the fault of eve .

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4328], ["faulting", 4328], ["eve", 4335]]

`` you know lola 's been tryin ' ta hog tie brant into marriage since she was sixteen . i imagine she 's right miffed that he 's gettin ' his wife from a newspaper advertisement . '' abigail continued giving all her attention to ty . this was n't a conversation she wanted to participate in . mina reached an arthritic hand to pat abigail 's knee . `` you keep an eye on her , hear ? she 's as sneaky as the day is long . this is her last chance to snag brant and she knows it . '' abigail nodded because she did n't know what else to do . `` mina 's right , lookie there . '' sadie pointed . abigail glanced back at the pitts to see brant and luke had left the corral and brant was lifting lola down from the wagon . when he set her on the ground , she stepped close to him and reached to touch his shoulder . `` see what i mean , abigail , '' said mina . `` maybe you should mosey on over there and lay claim to your man . '' `` ah , ahi-i '' kathryn said , `` mina , stop embarrassing the girl . she 's an easterner and they do n't do things the same out there . '' `` oh piddle , a man 's a man and a woman 's a woman and a floozy 's a floozy , no matter how you spell it out . '' abigail was saved further embarrassment when ty took off running . it was nice chatting with you . '' ty ran to the tables of food with billowing tablecloths . giggling , he gave her a mischievous smile and crawled under the table , hiding behind the tablecloth . abigail laughed at his impishness and went down on her hands and knees , peering underneath . he burst into peals of laughter when he saw her and started crawling away . abigail grabbed his foot and tugged him toward her , which only made them both laugh all the more . finally , she dragged him from under the table . beside her , boots came into her line of sight . looking up , she saw brant 's eyes dancing with merriment . he squatted beside her and ty . `` having a little trouble , miz vaughn ? '' he reached for ty and lifted him onto his shoulders . the boy squealed with delight . `` i think i handled things fairly well , mister samson , '' she laughed , still on her knees . brant stood and stretched his arm to help her up . she grabbed his calloused palm and let him pull her to her feet , close to his body . glancing over his shoulder , she saw lola sending her a venomous stare , and luke a hurt one . stepping away from him , she smoothed her dress . `` i think i 'll go check on jenny . '' * * * brant watched abby walk toward the group of children jenny was playing with . the woman was as skittish as a colt . he smiled thinking about the sight of abby on her knees chasing ty . unlike some women who would have chastised the baby , she 'd laughed and played his game . brant liked that . yep , the more he was around abby , the more he was beginning to think she would make a great ma for his children . if only he could get luke to realize the same thing . * * * abigail met more neighbors throughout the day and found that most treated her very well . several came right out and asked personal questions which she danced around or suddenly found a diversion to excuse herself . after lunch , the men resumed raising the barn and the youngest children were put down for naps on blankets under trees . the older children were made to play quiet games . abigail sat on a blanket under the oaks with ty asleep beside her . she leaned her head against the gnarled trunk . around her , other women sat on blankets and she listened to gossip , upcoming church activities , and the best way to calm a colicky baby . she closed her eyes and envisioned what her life would be like in philadelphia if she were still there . no doubt , she 'd be creating school lessons , reading a novel or shuffling from room to room in her home . viewing her circumstances with honesty , she asked herself if she would rather be there or here . she wanted to be here amidst these country folk and enjoying the sunshine , playing with children , and watching brant wield a hammer . lazily , she opened her eyes and searched him out . he was nailing boards on top of the barn . he 'd rolled his sleeves up and unbuttoned his shirt to his navel .

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she 'd lacked faith in herself , in him ... `` i have to fix it . '' `` show me your ring . it blinded me across the table so i did n't get a good look at it . '' gia laughed and held out her hand . mama took it and peered down at the jewels . her mother squeezed her hand . `` so is he . '' `` then just be you and open up . they shared another hug before mama disappeared into a stall . gia did the same , then they washed their hands in silence before returning to the table . jason was playing peekaboo with bella and answering her father 's questions about savvy investing while mila watched with an indulgent smile . mama asked as she approached the table . mila grinned , then gestured toward nick . he came out with a big slice of italian wedding cake all lit up with candles . their waitress followed , juggling forks , a knife , and another bottle of wine . as gia took her seat beside her husband and gripped his hand , everyone at the table started singing , little tony screeching the words he knew at the top of his lungs . in this golden little moment , all was right with her world . not perfect , but really close . she had to work on herself and cut jason some slack . he did n't understand love ... yet . but with time and patience , if she gave him her whole heart , he would . as the song ended , her family clapped . dad even looked a little misty-eyed-a first for her big , tough-guy father-as he thanked everyone . the group dug into the cake while her father lifted baby bella above his head for an airplane ride , followed by a kiss . the day seemed more complete for having jason beside her . once the dessert had been devoured , her husband rose and disappeared . frowning , gia watched . he returned a moment later with a smug smile . before she could puzzle that out , nick nearly danced his way to the table with a beaming grin , then handed jason his credit card . with an absent scrawl , her husband signed the slip , and she looked down . she was n't surprised that he 'd paid tonight 's bill , but the family could eat at delvecchio 's every week for a year and probably not spend that much . nick handed her father a gift certificate . `` from your daughter and mr. denning . daddy looked at the slip of paper and scanned it , then handed it back toward jason . `` a thousand dollars ? i ca n't accept ... '' `` now i know where gia gets it from . '' if it makes you happy , it makes your daughter happy . and you know the saying ... happy wife , happy life . '' `` but it 's too much , '' her father argued . `` if you enjoy this place , it 's just right . '' jason wrapped an arm around her . he was trying so hard to fit into her family . maybe he 'd gone overboard , but she knew jason meant the gesture to please , not bribe . no one had ever done something that nice for daddy , and he deserved it . no doubt he would appreciate it . `` you can thank me later , '' he murmured hotly in her ear as a cell phone rang somewhere nearby . `` not because you bought him something , '' she scolded . `` then do n't thank me . i just ca n't stay away from you . '' gia giggled . i 'll get much worse when we 're alone . i might have a new paddle with your name on it . or maybe we 'll go for a swim in the pool on my deck and i 'll f**k you there . '' out in the open , where anyone could see . well ... anyone with a helicopter or binoculars in a nearby building . but the idea made her more than wet . `` what a shame ... '' he grinned . she fought down a shiver and a blush . jason cradled her chin and lifted her face for a kiss as she heard a third ring , then her father answer the phone . `` yes , this is marco angelotti . '' he pressed his finger to his other ear , trying to drown out the background noise in the restaurant . her mother grabbed her purse as mila gathered bella 's little dish and spoon , then removed her bib . little tony retrieved his toys . and gia glowed with happiness . her family knew about jason and they accepted him . they were n't angry or disappointed or throwing her out of the family . all that time she 'd wasted because she 'd been worried about their reaction . if she 'd taken jason to meet her parents when they 'd been dating , her father would have yelled and refused to let him in the house . her mother would have cried , crossed herself , and asked why her only daughter was trying to kill her . today ... a whole different story .

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i applauded anyone who could intimidate the indomitable assistant . `` no need for you to have interfered , '' i told him . `` i had the situation under control . ms. carroll would n't have hurt me . '' `` it was n't your life i feared for , '' he muttered , glancing from elvira to me . `` on behalf of the staff here , i 'd like to apologize for what just happened . i promise you , we do not usually act so unprofessionally or physically threaten our guests . '' his tone became scolding . lately i 'd been the queen of unprofessional . elvira had nothing on me . he placed a hand on my lower back and led me to a secluded corner . his gaze raked over me before settling on my lips . i was used to being sized up by businessmen , but i was n't used to all this blatant attention to my mouth . most people tried to be discreet . he grinned slowly , causing his green eyes to crinkle at the corners . in appearance , his appeal rivaled royce 's . he possessed the same strength , the same inner power , except for some reason this man did n't have any effect on my senses . how could my testosterone immunity be vanquished to the point that i wanted royce ( desperately ) but not this equally handsome man ? he held out his hand and we shook , and i was glad to notice i was n't swampy today . nor did i experience the electric shock i received every time royce touched me . `` colin phillips , '' he said . you 're the one driving the big guy crazy . '' his smile became sheepish , revealing even , white teeth . `` it 's a pleasure to finally meet you in person . '' when he did n't seem inclined to let go of my hand , i gently extracted it from his grasp . `` i 'm not driving anyone crazy who was n't already insane . '' colin tilted his chin to the side as he considered my words , amusement in his gaze . his gaze raked over me once more . `` i can see what 's had royce so wrapped up for so long . you 've got a classic charm . '' not at the compliment , though that was nice . `` wrapped up for so long ? wrapped up in what way ? '' `` i apologize again for ms. carroll 's rudeness . i 'll personally make sure she 's let go . '' in all honesty , i would have loved to see that bitch punished . however , as much as i hated to admit it , the woman had bills to pay just like i did . i could n't be responsible for putting another human being in the poorhouse-which begged the question : was she even human ? he chuckled , a warm , rich sound . `` were the situation reversed , she would demand your head on a pike . `` actually , i think she 'd demand my limbs removed one by one while she watched , but hey , you know her better than i do . '' he pressed his lips together to smother another laugh . `` i 'm sure you do n't recall , but we 've met-no , met is n't the right word . we 've been in the same room together . before today . '' a complete switch of topics , but i could handle it . i flipped through my mental files and drew a blank . he must have read the confusion in my eyes because he added , `` about six months ago . you planned my sister 's wedding reception . '' `` the phillips-howard wedding , right ? '' there , that was much better than saying , i do n't remember seeing you . the reception had been the very first event i 'd planned on my own , as a business owner . i remembered seeing royce there , the first time i 'd laid eyes on him in person . i 'd been newly divorced and my gaze had eaten him up . he 'd been as sexy then as he was now , and i had n't been immune . i honestly did n't recall seeing him . `` your sister , i mean . '' over the past few months , daisy phillips-daisy howard , i guess she is now-had sent several other clients my way . i was beyond grateful . hell , i was grateful she 'd hired me in the first place . i was an unknown but she 'd heard me talking to kera at cinderella catering , had ( thankfully ) liked what she 'd heard and asked me to put a list of ideas together . i did and she signed me on . one of the best days of my life . `` blissful , '' he said . `` she just found out she 's pregnant . '' a little pang swept through my chest , but i tamped it down . once , i 'd wanted children . tell her congratulations for me . ''

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robert gave another of his soothing replies , and unwilling to listen to any more , justine walked across the parking lot to stand at the farthest edge , which overlooked the cove . the wind carried a briny scent on this overcast day , shrouding the pungent smell of smoke . the view of the cove always calmed her . she absorbed that peace now , needing it to settle her pounding heart . seth had taken matters into his own hands ; without so much as talking to her , he 'd held discussions with an architect . when they 'd first conceived the idea of the lighthouse , justine had been involved in every aspect of the planning . now seth had excluded her . the fire and its aftermath were so much worse than she would ever have believed . her husband had turned into a stranger , a man justine neither knew nor liked . the temptation to escape , to pack a suitcase and disappear , grew stronger every day . warren had offered her the use of a summer cottage on hood canal . it sounded so peaceful there . leif would love to walk along the beach , exploring , wading in the water . she could picture him now , digging for clams with his small shovel , his laughter spilling out into the wind . not once since leif was born had they taken a family vacation . the lighthouse had filled every waking minute . only in the absence of the restaurant and its demands was she beginning to see how completely it had taken over their lives . seth placed his hand on her shoulder as he came up behind her . `` everything 's going to be all right , sweetheart , '' he said , his voice conciliatory . the fire , the destruction of the restaurant , was no longer her main concern . what worried her was the effect it 'd had on her husband . `` i realize i 've been a little cranky lately . '' she smiled and pressed her hand on top of his . to say he 'd been `` a little cranky '' was an understatement of major proportions . `` everything will be all right , '' he said again , `` once we find out who did this to us . '' she asked , but apparently seth did n't hear her because he did n't respond . justine tilted her head to one side so her cheek could rest against his hand . `` you 're already talking about rebuilding , '' she murmured . i want to get started as soon as possible . he laughed and seemed to assume she was joking . `` we 're in the restaurant business . this is how we make our living . unless we rebuild , we wo n't have an income . '' `` yes , but ... '' her husband went still for a moment . `` i ca n't go back to fishing , justine . '' being a professional fisherman was a hard , dangerous life , and they 'd agreed that seth would give it up for good . his father had encouraged him in that decision . `` i would n't want you to fish , '' she said , turning so she could slip her arms around his middle . `` i 'm just not sure i want to be a restaurant owner anymore . '' seth gripped her shoulders , his fingers digging into her flesh . `` i ... i do , '' she countered . we went into this business with absolutely no knowledge of what we were letting ourselves in for . we were totally naive about what owning a restaurant takes out of you . '' according to statistics , eight out of ten new businesses fail , and restaurants headed the list . the only reason theirs had been successful was the sheer force of their combined efforts-and a degree of luck . `` we made a few mistakes , '' seth said , then added with a wry grin , `` okay , we made a lot of mistakes in the beginning , but we learned quickly and we 've come a long way . '' `` we hardly spend any time together , as a family . '' this was the one thing that distressed justine the most . seth did n't agree or disagree with her . `` you were at the restaurant all hours of the day and night , and so was i . '' she supposed that now was n't a particularly opportune moment to broach her concerns , not while seth was still so upset . `` i had to be there . `` i 'm not blaming you for any of this , '' justine told him , gazing into his intensely blue eyes . he was frowning at her and in him she read confusion and pain . `` are you suggesting i have n't been a good husband ? '' that is n't what i meant at all . i could never doubt that . '' then , reluctantly , she said , `` i 'm afraid , seth . '' i had a panic attack last week . i did n't know what it was at first . i felt like i was n't getting enough air and that i was going to pass out . '' why did n't you mention this earlier ? '' you 've been so angry , so restless . i did n't want to add to your worries . '' he slid his arms around her , drawing her close .

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`` i would be if you had not come along . i was getting ready to when you interrupted us . your motherdecided wehad best behaveifyou twowere so near. `` paenwas having trouble sounding sincere . it wasgood to know that he wasn'tthe onlyonesuffering . `` i had not thoughtyou evennoticedus. `` your mother noticed . you knowshe has eyes intheback of herhead when it comes toyou boys . `` thelastword hadbarelyleft lord gerville'smouth whena pained look followed it . paen feltguilt swamphim as it always did whenhisthoughts turned to his dead brother . he felt guilty for not havingbeenable to save him , guilty at being the oneto survive . he was silent for a long moment until his father cleared his throat and distracted them both from the subjectof adam 's death . `` waswho what ? '' paen asked inbewilderment . `` wasyoung avelynall right ? '' `` oh , aye. `` paen sighed heavily . `` she was frolicking neck deep in water. `` wimarc laughed at paen 's rueful voice , knowing that his wife being up to herneck inwater had notbeen whathe 'd hopedto spot while peeking throughthe bushes . `` mayhapyoushould check again . tis a tad quiet now on the other side of the branches. `` paen hesitated , then shifted onto his knees on the boulder and pushed the shrubbery aside again to peerthrough . the sight ofhiswife floatingon the water 's surface , still and pale , drewan abrupt cursefrom him . `` whatis it ? '' wimarc asked , catchinghis son'salarm , but paen was too busy scrambling to rescue his wife to answer . chapter seven thewater had beencool at first , butavelyn hadadjusted to it quickly . shehad always enjoyed swimming . whenshewasa child , her parents hadoften takenher andwarin on picnicsbythe river . avelyn hadalwayslooked forward to those trips , but then aunt isidore hadarrived with the cousins . they , of course , then hadto be included in the picnics and had ruinedthem foravelyn with theirtaunts abouther being a great whale floatinginthe river . these things were alwayssaid far enough away fromthe adultstobesure they were not overheard . avelynhad taken lessand less joy in swimming untilshe 'd refusedto do it at all . at least she'dnot forgotten how . she 'd swum for a bit , and was now floatinghappily in the water , completely relaxed inthe knowledgethatherhusbandwould be sure no one disturbed her . avelyn had barelyhadthatthought when she was suddenly caught under the arms and liftedout of the water . avelyn almost screamed , buta glance down showed a pair of bandaged stumps poking out fromunder her armsand sherealized it washer husband . as quickly as that , thoselinen-covered stumpsshifted her aboutand she found herself clutched to his massive chest . stunnedand confused , she heardher husbandshoutingrather incoherently about drowning and devils as heran out of the water with her . avelyn tried to figure outwhat hewas trying totell her . had his mother or father drowned just upriver asshe'dbathed ? orhadtheybeenattackedand killed by some devilsas she lay floating obliviously ? horror consumed her at the thought of either possibility befalling her lovely in-laws . avelyn lay still against herhusband 's chest ashe raced outof the waterand began to crash throughthewoods . there was nomistaking the tension in the arms holding hertight to his chest . her husbandwasina panic . paen did notseem the sort topaniceasily , so avelyn knew for a certainty that something was gravely wrong . the factthathe had not even paused to let her collect her gown wasanother sign of thegravity ofthe situation . it madeherthink that theymust be under attack , for if the matter had to do with one of hisparentsdrowning , shewas quite sure he would not beracing throughthe woods carryinghis rather large and heavy , nak*d wife . avelyncould have askedhim whathad occurred , but hehad gone silent since dragging her out of the water , and she feared he might be trying to keep their whereabouts asecret iftheywereunderattack . itdid seem that she should notslow him down bymaking himattempt to talkwhile running , soshe forced herself to remain stillandsilent in his arms . when they reached the campsite , avelyn was suddenly mortified by her unclothed state . she noted the startledreactionsof themen as paen charged through with hisnaked bundle .

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five minutes later , he was feeling kind of foolish as he pulled into the long , circular drive that led to jimmy and hettie marshall 's house . the place was n't nearly as old as lee 's mansion house . nevertheless , it possessed an impressive number of columns and a portico . he recognized lee 's town car in the drive , alongside hettie 's audi . jimmy 's mercedes was missing . well , it sure looked like jimmy had finally decided it was time to move on to greener pastures . between his wife and his daddy and the problems down at the chicken plant , jimmy 's life had been pretty crappy lately . stone bounded up the brick steps , and the front door opened even before he could ring the bell . violet easley answered . violet was his deputy 's mother , and she 'd all but raised jimmy marshall , too . she 'd been a housekeeper for the marshalls nearly forever . `` oh , chief rhodes , i 'm so glad you 're here . miz hettie is so upset , and mr. lee is about to have a fit and a half . they 're in the parlor . '' violet stepped back and directed stone through the foyer and into the parlor containing antique furniture upholstered in a shiny yellow fabric . good lord , how did people live in a room like this ? he 'd be afraid to touch anything for fear of soiling or breaking it . he snatched the hat off his head and turned to face lee marshall , who had ensconced himself , with his gouty foot raised , on a gigantic couch that dominated the room . he looked just as old and unkempt as he had on saturday . `` have you run that woman out of town yet ? '' `` that 's not why y'all called me out here . there was something about a missing person ? '' hettie sniffled from her place in a small wing chair that sat beside a thirteen-foot , impeccably decorated christmas tree . the tree was festooned with golden ornaments and ribbons , its lights twinkling happily as the afternoon light faded from the front windows . `` jimmy 's missing . he has n't been home for two nights , '' hettie said , true emotion ringing in her voice . `` have you checked dot 's place and the country club and- '' `` i 've checked all his usual haunts . i would n't have called you if i did n't think he was missing . '' hettie sounded more than merely concerned ; there was a frantic note in her voice . i only asked because everyone knows that for the last few months he 's been living down at the river and- '' `` i know , but he 's gotten himself sober , and he 's been going to church , and he 's started to address the issues at the chicken plant . he 's done everything i asked so i let him come home a week ago . i know you and lee think i forced him to run away , but that 's not true . '' she glowered at her father-in-law . a year ago she would have deferred to lee . but hettie had changed , too . just like clockwork , lee rose to hettie 's implicit challenge . `` you can spout all the holy nonsense you 'd like , darlin ' , but i 'm sure jimmy has just gone on a bender and he 'll be back with his tail between his legs the minute he runs out of money . '' lee turned toward stone . `` i was n't the one who called you out here about this nonsense . i 'm sure this is just another marital dispute . but since you 're here , i want to know when that woman is going to leave . '' `` not until she gets an answer about her father 's remains . '' this came from hettie , who stood up and confronted lee . her tears were rapidly disappearing . `` in fact , '' she said , `` i have let her use the river house . '' that house belongs to- '' `` me . that house was my daddy 's . and if i want to let lark chaikin stay out there for a few days , while we sort out this business about her father 's remains , it 's nobody 's business but mine . after all , i chair the- '' `` yes , i know you chair that committee . and thanks to you , my son was humiliated last summer . have you thought about what that did to him ? '' `` yes , lee , i have . jimmy learned his lesson last summer , and he 's spent months trying to make a change in his life . and he 's been doing it , bit by bit , with the help of the lord . '' lee scowled . `` the lord helps those who help themselves .

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he would 've been there so much sooner if she would 've just been honest with him . `` that 's damien , we decided to get married , '' she said in a matter-of-fact tone , like she was discussing going to the grocery store , or the weather . she did n't seem like a bride to be . drew asked between clinched teeth . the thought of her with another man caused him physical pain , especially considering she was carrying his child in her womb . they were his family , not some other man 's . `` he 's my best friend , '' she said , before really thinking about her answer . she was so used to damien and she as friends , to think of them romantically was nearly impossible . she thought later maybe she should 've sounded more like they were a romantic couple . he asked her calmly and because she was still not thinking properly , she answered him honestly . `` he wants to help me with the baby , '' she said simply . if she would 've looked up and seen his face , she would 've realized her mistake in being honest . `` you want another man to raise my child ? '' she finally realized there was something wrong , by the tone of his voice . she looked up at his face and what she saw took her breath away . she could understand now how he was the business man he was . he could make all men quiver at his feet with the look of pure fury in his eyes . she stared at him with wide eyes , as she wondered what to say . `` look , we both know the week we had was a mistake . i 'm not going to punish my child by trying to pretend otherwise , '' she finally said . `` tell your friend the marriage is off because the real father will be doing the right thing , '' he sneered at her . `` do n't be ridiculous , drew , '' she snapped back . `` i 'm the one being ridiculous ? you were trying to keep my child from me . if i had n't shown up here , you would 've never told me , '' he said incredulously . `` i 'm exhausted and i 'm done with this conversation , '' she said as she stood up . `` please lock the door behind you , '' she finished and left the room . she climbed into bed and let the exhaustion take her away . chapter four drew watched in amazement as trinity walked away . he was n't used to being defied by anyone and he was certainly not used to someone dismissing him , like she 'd just done . he heard the click of her bedroom door , before he thought to go after her . he thought about breaking her door down and demanding they finish the conversation but she had looked exhausted and he was sure that was n't good for his son or daughter . he looked around the tiny apartment . there was n't any room for a baby . hell he could barely move more than a couple of feet from wall to wall . he did n't think it was possible but her apartment was even smaller than the home he had grown up in . he 'd been incredibly poor growing up but his family had taken good care of him . he was still closer than brothers were , with his two cousins . he could n't wait to tell them he was going to be a father . he sunk down onto her couch , since his legs no longer wanted to support him . the more he sat there , the more it sunk in he 'd have a child in four short months . he was n't ready for it but then again who was ever ready . he wished he had more time to prepare . he noticed a weird looking picture on the coffee table and reached for it . he realized it was a picture of his child . he could see the full shape of the head and body . it had some weird numbers on it , which he did n't understand . he stared for who knows how long , thinking his child already had his nose . he looked down again and saw some paperwork . one was information about a three dimensional sonogram he was assuming was the picture in his hand . the other paper said his child was going to be a girl . his breath rushed out as he realized he was going to have a daughter . he felt the smile spread as he looked at his daughter 's first picture . he could imagine her in his arms and spoiling her rotten . his cousin , who was more of a brother , derek and his wife jasmine , just had a baby girl a few months ago and she was about the cutest thing he 'd ever seen in his life . he was head over heels in love with her . if he felt that way about his niece , he could n't imagine how he 'd feel about his own daughter . he decided he needed to have a walk . he was far too wound up to pace her tiny apartment . he made sure the door was securely locked and headed back down the staircase . when he stepped back outside , he saw damien leaning against a wall .

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i shrug against him . he is so digging himself a hole . he pulls back and hits me with a disgusted look . i 'm fighting to maintain a straight face when i should be furious at the potential of him hiding my pills , but i ca n't be . he 's a fucking enigma , i do n't think i 'll ever work him out . his disgusted look transforms into a mighty scowl . 'for fuck sake . ' he makes for the wardrobe with me in his tight clinch , releasing one arm from me and immediately locating the condoms he claimed he did n't have while grumbling the whole time . he really does want me pregnant . i 'll be fighting him hard on that matter , although it may already be too late . all i can do is quietly hope . 'you know , my mark is fading too . ' i say , looking down at his pec as he takes us from the bedroom . his scowl disappears and he smirks at me 'it is ? ' 'it needs freshening up . ' i raise my eyebrows and watch in lustful delight as his eyes darken further . 'my girl is possessive . knock yourself out , baby . ' i grin and sink my teeth into his pec , a small moan escaping his lips as i 'm carted downstairs and straight into his office . 'i want to take you right here so whenever i have to work , i will see you spread naked on my desk . ' he lowers me onto his big wooden desk and chucks the box of condoms down before sinking himself into his leather office chair . it 's all tidy in here too . cathy must be wondering what 's gone on . he 's completely naked and hard as steel , and my eyes are thrilled as i drag my stare down the full length of him . his fingers hook into the top of my knickers and i brace myself on the edge of the desk to lift my bum so he can draw them down my legs . he opens the top drawer of his desk and drops them in before shutting it again and returning his eyes to mine . 'you 've just come all over them . ' he rests his palms on my thighs . 'i want to be able to smell you too . spread your legs . ' i pull my thighs apart as far as i can , completely exposing myself to him . it 's nothing he has n't seen before , a million times , but like this , i feel completely laid bare . the chair rolls forward and he reaches behind me , gently unclasping my bra strap and pulling it down my arms . my breathing has quickened , i 'm ready to go again , but i can tell from his mood and approach that this will be on his terms . he has the power and sat in that chair , entirely naked , his abdominals tight , his mammoth erection resting on his lower stomach , he looks mighty powerful too . he puts my matching bra in the drawer with my knickers and sits back in his chair . i lean back , pushing my chest forward . i 'm nervous , and i do n't know why . he has taken me in all ways , shapes and forms , in every jesse temperament i know , but today i 'm a little uneasy . he runs his eyes from mine , slowly and leisurely down my body until he comes to rest on my sex . his eyes stay there and he sinks further into his chair , the reclining mechanism giving under his weight . he 's making himself really comfortable . i 'm sat here as naked as he is and my heart is beating out of my chest as i watch him stare at my cleft . he is utterly rapt . 'why are you nervous ? ' he asks without lifting his eyes from between my thighs . his deep rolling voice does nothing to settle me . it 's a feeble reply . i feel wide-open and scrutinised which is ridiculous . there is not a part of me that has n't had him on it , in it or over it . he lifts his eyes to mine and the hardness softens immediately . my entire being relaxes with those three words . 'do n't ever doubt it . ' have you finished with your observations ? ' i raise a sardonic eyebrow . he reaches forward and re-spreads my thighs . i had n't realised i had partly closed them . 'i 'm evaluating my assets . ' he sits back and resumes his viewing of my most private place . 'i 'm an asset ? ' 'no , you 're my asset . ' he keeps his eyes right where they are , and i decide that i may as well drink in my own asset . his flawlessness still makes me salivate . 'would you like to hear my verdict ? ' up come his eyes and the corner of his mouth lifts . 'i 'm a very rich man . ' he rolls his chair forward and picks up my legs by my ankles , resting the soles of my feet on his shoulders .

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the afternoon was unhurried , and after stuffing himself with two pieces of pie , even jonah seemed to find the atmosphere soothing . larry and miles chatted about new bern , larry quizzing miles about local history . sarah wandered from the kitchen , where her mother repeated ( and repeated ) the fact that miles seemed like a wonderful young man , back to the living room to make sure that miles and jonah did n't feel as if she 'd abandoned them . brian , dutifully , spent most of his time in the kitchen , washing and drying the china that his mother had used for dinner . a half hour before miles had to head home to get dressed for work , miles , sarah , and jonah went for a walk , just as miles had promised . they headed toward the end of the block and into the wooded area that fronted the development . jonah grabbed sarah 's hand and led her through the woods , laughing as he did so , and it was while watching them weave their way among the trees that it gradually dawned on miles where all this might lead . while he knew he loved sarah , he 'd been touched that she had chosen to share her family with him . he liked the feeling of closeness , the holiday atmosphere , the casual way her relatives had seemed to respond to him , and he was certain that he did n't want this to be an isolated invitation . it was then that he first thought of asking sarah to marry him , and once the idea came to him , he found it nearly impossible to dismiss . up ahead , sarah and jonah were tossing stones in a small creek , one after the next . jonah then hopped over it , and sarah followed . `` we 're exploring ! '' `` yeah , dad , hurry up ! '' `` i 'm coming-you do n't have to wait ! he did n't rush to do so . instead , he was lost in his thoughts as they continued to move farther and farther away , eventually vanishing behind a thick grove . miles pushed his hands into his pockets . it was still early in their relationship , of course , and he had no intention of dropping to his knees here and now to pop the question . at the same time , he suddenly knew that there would come a moment when he would . she was right for him ; of that he was certain . and she was wonderful with jonah . jonah seemed to love her , and that , too , was important , because if jonah had n't liked her , he would n't even be considering what a future with sarah might bring . and with that , something inside clicked , a key fitting neatly into a lock . though he was n't even consciously aware of it , the question of `` if '' had become a question of `` when . '' with this decision , he unconsciously felt himself relax . he could n't see sarah or jonah as he crossed over the creek , but he followed the direction he 'd last seen them going . a minute later he spotted them , and as he closed the distance between them , he realized he had n't been this happy in years . *** from thanksgiving day through mid-december , miles and sarah grew even closer , both as lovers and as friends , their relationship blossoming into something deeper and more permanent . miles also started dropping hints about their possible future together . sarah was n't blind to what he really meant by his words ; in fact , she found herself adding to his comments . little things-when they were lying in bed , he might mention that he thought the walls should be repainted ; sarah would respond that a pale yellow might look cheery and they picked out the color together . or miles would mention that the garden needed some color and she 'd say that she 'd always loved camellias , and that 's what she 'd plant if she lived here . that weekend , miles planted five of the bushes along the front of the house . the file stayed in the closet , and for the first time in a long time , the present seemed more alive to miles than the past . but what neither sarah nor miles could know was that although they were ready to put the past behind them , events would soon conspire to make that impossible . chapter 16 ihad another sleepless night , and as much as i want to go back to bed , i realize i ca n't . not until i tell you how it happened . the accident did n't happen the way you probably imagine , or the way that miles imagined . i had n't , as he suspected , been drinking that night . nor was i under the influence of any drugs . what happened with missy that night was , quite simply , an accident . i 've gone over it a thousand times in my mind .

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i raced across the room , but - surprise ! - i saw nothing . he pressed something cool and heavy into my hand . `` use it '' he headed for the door . adam did n't pause , did n't look at me , did n't answer , just slipped outside . by the time i reached the porch , he was gone . and why had he given me his gun ? what was he going to use ? his bare hands ? according to local legend he was cajun commando . of course , according to local legend he was also dead and there was a werewolf in the swamp . considering what i 'd just heard , maybe there were a whole bunch of them . my gaze swept the thick grass . this was the first time i 'd discerned more than one , and i was excited . more than one would be easier to find . adam had told me not to go out there without him . but i was here to find the wolf or wolves , and they were close . i checked the weapon - a .45-caliber browning - fully loaded . i just needed one more thing . hurrying inside , i retrieved my camera . no one believed there was a wolf ? i 'd forgo the thousand words and take a picture . i needed the actual animal for proof positive , but a photo would n't hurt . the night settled around me , damp and hot the swamp grass whispered , though there was n't even a flicker of a breeze . i wished i could imitate the call of a wolf . wolves howl for a number of reasons : to assemble the pack , warn of danger , locate one another , communicate . if i howled , they 'd answer , and i 'd know where i was going . i continued in what i thought had been the direction of the howls . i could n't be that far behind adam , yet i did n't hear the muted thud of his boots or catch even the slightest hint of a cigarette . i had n't realized where i was headed until i broke into a clearing and found the yellow crime scene tape hanging limply in the no-breeze . the blood had soaked into the ground , the moist nature of the land removing every stain . if not for the tape , no one would know something horrible had happened here last night a low , rumbling growl made me tighten one hand on the gun , while the other reached for the camera i 'd slung around my neck . the moon ducked behind a cloud , and i could n't see more than a few feet . however , the grass rustled all around me , as if animals approached from several directions . wolves did n't move in as if they 'd learned military formations at west point , and they did n't attack humans . chat least they had n't until they 'd turned up in new orleans . who was to say the wolves had n't changed their hunting tactics along with their geography ? the lack of sight , the plethora of sound , made my nerves jump beneath my skin . i had to know what was coming . so i hit the flash on my camera , and the swamp lit up like a lightning strike . eyes stared back at me from the swamp . alligator ? nutria ? turning to my left , i took another picture . the flash revealed what i already suspected . however , this time , before the light died , i saw not only eyes but also the outline of an animal . too tall for a rat or an alligator , too short for a human being . but not a dog , not a coyote . an animal with longer legs and a bigger head than either a coyote or most dogs . in zoology 101 those things added up to a wolf . amid the tension of being surrounded , a tiny bit of excitement filled me that i 'd found something weird . that was , after all , why i 'd come . a growl rumbled to my right , another to my left , one behind . i could almost feel their tepid breath . the hair on the back of my neck tingled and adrenaline rushed through me . i shouted , hoping i could make them run - the other way - hoping i would n't have to shoot them . not only would it be difficult in the dark , but for proof a live creature was always better than a dead one . still - i lifted the gun . if they insisted . their measured tread came near , along with their panting , canine breath . i flicked the safety , and the night stilled , as if they 'd heard the sound and knew what it was . my arms shook with the effort of holding the gun , of forcing myself not to run . predators chased prey . there were many zoologists who subscribed to the theory that if a rabbit did n't flee , a fox would n't even be interested . i 'd never come down on one side or the other - until now . in the swamp , in the night , i kind of agreed with that theory , too .

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it was meant to be a dance , one of which he knew all the steps , a carefully planned encounter without the unwanted abandoned intimacy . but she 'd met him nak*d , gilded by firelight , hair tumbled about her shoulders and chin lifted with a jezebel 's pride . she 'd stood there and said he belonged to her . all these years she 'd cared nothing for him , and now , now , after all he 'd suffered , she claimed the victory . and she had won . he was ensnared , gripped tight by her lithe thighs and creamy depths , her fingers kneading and drifting across his back . lost in her embrace , he arched his spine upward and kissed a fiery trail down her throat to her br**sts . he licked and savored the pale skin , stroking the sides with his hands , cupping their weight as they become heavy and taut . her n**ples peaked tight , an irresistible lure , and he bit one crest , worrying it with his teeth before laving the hardened flesh with leisurely laps of his tongue . as he would mark her everywhere . only when she begged did his mouth open and engulf her completely . he suckled her with slow , deep , rhythmic pulls of his tongue and lips , shuddering as the sensation traveled through her body to milk his cock . he could come like this , just from the measured clench and release of her silky tissues . enflamed by the thought , he hollowed his cheeks , increasing the suction . his eyes drifted closed , his body shuddered as his sac drew up . he swiveled his hips , rubbing her clitoris , and then groaned with her orgasm , releasing his need in burning hot streams of sem*n. gasping and only partially sated , he released her breast and rested his head upon it , wondering if he would ever have enough of her . her fingers drifted into his hair . `` marcus ... '' he rose above her , his arms on either side of her shoulders , and elizabeth stared up at her husband , attempting to gauge his odd mood . his handsome face was so austere , his eyes searching hers . and she quivered , almost afraid . he looked angry , with his narrowed emerald gaze and harshly drawn mouth . then he pulled away , the warmth of his body leaving hers , and she was bereft . how could he be equally absorbed and distant ? marcus stood above his wife , taking in the sight of her sprawled and flushed pink , her thighs spread wantonly , revealing all that he coveted . his erection , covered in her cream , grew cold , but did n't diminish . he watched , arrested , as his seed dribbled from between her legs . his hand reached forward , collected it on his fingertips , and spread it around the lips of her cunt , massaging the clitoris that peeped from its hood . mine , mine , mine ... all mine ... half mad with relief and pleasure and desire , he spread his sem*n around her sex , watching her arch and writhe , listening to her beg and plead with a detachment that was not detached at all . every inch of satin skin belonged to him , every raven hair on her head , every breath she took . for the rest of their lives he could touch her like this , own her like this . all mine ... the thought made him hard as stone , swollen and heavy as if he had n't just spent himself in her . he stepped forward again , took his c*ck in hand , and massaged her with the tip . `` take me inside you . '' half expecting her reticence , he groaned when she lifted her h*ps immediately , engulfing the sensitive head of his c*ck in liquid , burning heat . he arched his h*ps and filled her , falling onto his outstretched arms as he sank into the heart of her . it was heaven , the blazing clasp of her cunt around his cooled shaft . if only he could remain like this forever . despite how right it felt , it was all wrong . gripping her shoulders to pin her in place , marcus pressed his face against the side of her neck and began to f**k her , his strokes fierce with his hunger , skin slapping against skin . wrapping her legs around his hips , she rose to meet his every thrust , returning his ardor , holding nothing in reserve , shamelessly crying out on every downward plunge . he battered her with his lust , and she took it , accepted it as she 'd promised she would . `` yes , '' she cried , her nails in his back . `` marcus ... it was like drowning , being sucked into a whirlpool , and he grit his teeth and fought against it . yanking out of her encircling arms , he stood , feet flat on the rugged floor . one hand gripping the bed post , he withdrew from her body until only the tip remained encased , every nerve ending in his body screaming its protest . elizabeth burned . everything burned-her skin , her sex , the roots of her hair .

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["emerald", 2054], ["gaze", 2059], ["gazes", 2059], ["harshly", 2071], ["draw", 2077], ["draws", 2077], ["drawn", 2077], ["pull", 2100], ["pulled", 2100], ["away", 2105], ["warmth", 2118], ["left", 2138], ["leave", 2138], ["leaving", 2138], ["bereft", 2164], ["equally", 2190], ["absorb", 2199], ["absorbed", 2199], ["distant", 2211], ["wife", 2241], ["take", 2250], ["taking", 2250], ["sight", 2263], ["sighted", 2263], ["sprawl", 2279], ["sprawls", 2279], ["sprawled", 2279], ["flush", 2291], ["flushed", 2291], ["pink", 2296], ["spread", 2316], ["wantonly", 2325], ["reveal", 2337], ["revealing", 2337], ["covet", 2357], ["covets", 2357], ["coveted", 2357], ["erection", 2372], ["cover", 2382], ["covered", 2382], ["cream", 2395], ["creamest", 2395], ["grow", 2402], ["growest", 2402], ["grew", 2402], ["cold", 2407], ["diminish", 2430], ["diminishes", 2430], ["watch", 2443], ["watched", 2443], ["arrest", 2454], ["arrested", 2454], ["seed", 2468], ["seeded", 2468], ["dribble", 2477], 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["nail", 4193], ["nails", 4193], ["drown", 4242], ["drowns", 4242], ["drowning", 4242], ["suck", 4257], ["sucking", 4257], ["sucked", 4257], ["whirlpool", 4274], ["grit", 4288], ["gritted", 4288], ["fight", 4309], ["fightest", 4309], ["fought", 4309], ["yank", 4330], ["yanks", 4330], ["yanked", 4330], ["yanking", 4330], ["foot", 4375], ["feet", 4375], ["flat", 4380], ["floor", 4400], ["bed", 4428], ["post", 4433], ["withdraw", 4447], ["withdrew", 4447], ["remain", 4489], ["remained", 4489], ["encase", 4497], ["encased", 4497], ["nerve", 4511], ["ending", 4518], ["scream", 4540], ["screams", 4540], ["screaming", 4540], ["protest", 4552], ["protestest", 4552], ["burn", 4571], ["burns", 4571], ["burned", 4571], ["everything", 4584], ["root", 4622], ["roots", 4622]]

she sucked in air through her nose and then wrapped her arms protectively around herself as she waited for their response . seth was the first to move . he strode across the room and wrapped his arms around her as if to shield her from the world . `` you do n't have to do this , honey , '' he said softly . `` you have nothing to prove to us . '' it seems important that we do this together , do n't you think ? '' seth turned to his brothers as if gauging their reaction . dillon 's gaze was ablaze with lust and desire . michael looked a little less certain , but there was no denying the clear curiosity-and excitement-in his eyes . seth turned back to her and ran his hands up her h*ps and then underneath her br**sts to cup the small mounds in his palms . his thumbs stroked over her n**ples until she was twitchy with intense arousal . `` what i think is that we want you any way we can have you , and that if this is what you want , then we want it too , '' he said , his voice full of sensual growly vibrations . `` i do n't know how , '' she whispered . seth 's heart softened as he gazed down at the beautiful , brave woman standing in front of him . she 'd risked a lot by taking the initiative . she wanted to show the three of them that she accepted them . and to her credit , it would have eaten at him if michael or dillon had made love to her first , just because he would have imagined them having a bond that somehow excluded him . this way ... it might not be the most conventional , and he damn sure did n't have any experience with multiple partners , but it was a forced reality of their new circumstances . there were plenty of nights he remembered his parents sharing the same bed , and he damn sure did n't believe they were all just snuggling . he just hoped like hell he did n't have performance anxiety issues now of all times . wanting to allay her insecurities , he bent and swept her into his arms . then he turned to dillon . `` she 'd be a hell of a lot more comfortable on a bed . '' dillon bolted into action and started down the hall to his master suite . michael followed behind seth as he carried lily into the bedroom . in the center was a mahogany four-poster king-sized bed . seth gently set her down and positioned her so that she was in the center , but he pulled her until her legs hung over the edge . he was n't going to direct a damn thing . his brothers could figure it out on their own . all seth knew was that he wanted to make lily feel impossibly cherished , and he planned to love every inch of her . she was exquisitely lovely , nak*d against the covers , her pale skin flush with desire . he honestly did n't know where to start . he was captivated and wanted to taste every inch of her . her thighs were parted just enough that he could see the soft , pink flesh of her p**sy . he bent and grasped her knees , parting her further as he pressed a kiss to the inside of her thigh . she shivered and twitched against him . he kissed his way to the soft patch of curls that guarded her femininity and then crossed to the other side to kiss his way back down to her knee . the bed dipped and michael crawled onto the mattress next to where lily lay . seth watched in fascination as his brother palmed one breast and then bent his head to suckle her nipple . lily 's hand tangled in michael 's hair , bringing him closer , holding him there as he fed gently at her breast . seth lowered his head once more and slid his fingers over the lips of her vag**a , pushing until they parted under his insistence . the pink , delicate flesh called to him . to lick every part of her until she was writhing and begging for mercy . he kissed the softness of the inside of her thigh just a breath from her p**sy . then he nipped lightly , eliciting another full-body shiver from her . using his fingers to part the folds , he hovered over her clit , blowing a warm stream of air before he finally closed his mouth over it . her h*ps arched off the bed as he sucked gently , flicking his tongue over the tip . he closed his eyes , savoring her taste , the delicate sweetness that was so much a part of her . he dipped lower , lapping and licking his way to her tiny entrance . he rimmed the edges , teasing with shallow little thrusts before plunging his tongue inward , absorbing her essence . the bed dipped again , and seth looked up to see dillon on lily 's other side . dillon carefully placed a few packets of condoms next to lily 's hips , a subtle reminder to seth about protection .

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asher pulled me out of solomon 's office , glaring and gritting his teeth . we left without closing the door , and a moment later i heard it slam shut . looking down the hallway while asher dragged me along , i saw solomon walking the other way , away from us . `` my f**king god , '' asher said , barely above a whisper . seriously ... my f**king god ! '' `` i 'm so sorry , '' i said , sobbing . `` i 'm so sorry , asher . i lost track of my sense of self . it felt like we walked through landseer tower forever . this is where i started , and this is where i would always be . there was no more or no less than this , ever . halfway through walking , turning over his shoulder to see if anyone could see us , asher paused . i cried harder , unsure what else to do . asher ignored it , ignored me , and picked me up . cradling me in his arms like some child , he carried me the rest of the way to his office . he asked , patient and kind . i reached out and fumbled with it , barely managing to open it . asher kicked it the rest of the way open , then kicked it shut with the heel of his foot after he scooped me inside . setting me on the floor , he began pacing back and forth . `` you 're so reckless ! '' with solomon royce , no less ? i do n't even understand ! '' `` i did n't flirt with him , '' i said , shoving aside my tears with the sleeves of my blouse . `` i swear , i did n't ! i did n't want to do that , asher . he ... he was forcing me . he was trying to blackmail me . i ... '' `` shh , '' asher said . `` shh , i know . i do n't know what i would have done if something happened to you . '' i dove into him , pressing my face into his chest . i twisted my head around and listened to his heartbeat ; a minor comfort while i drenched his shirt with my tears . `` i love you , '' he said without warning . `` jessika , i love you . you ca n't do something like that again . i love you , asher . '' when i said this , something changed . i do n't know if it was mental , physical , or another feeling entirely , but i felt better , like i 'd suddenly become a better person . i was still worried , nervous , and scared after what had happened in solomon royce 's office , but i was n't sure if any of that mattered . i did n't think it did as long as i was here with asher . he held me in his arms , squeezed me tight and embraced everything i was . my hands reached for the buttons of his shirt and i undid them one by one . asher watched me while i worked fastidiously , quiet and contemplative . once i finished undoing all of his buttons , i pressed my cheek against the warmth of his chest and leaned against him . asher urged my chin up with the barest touch from his fingertips . i looked at him , relished his touch and his gaze , wanting all of it . i needed it to forget , to become who i was and who i should be . i was n't a whore , or some meek secretary , or a plaything for the likes of solomon royce . i was jessika . strong , determined , maybe a little unsure with some confidence issues , but i was me and asher understood and accepted that . gently , like a true lover , he pressed his lips to mine . i opened my mouth slightly , feeling the light warmth of his breath passing over my lips and tickling my tongue . i could n't stand it for long , though . i wanted him-desperately needed him-so badly , and i think he needed me , too . we kissed , a frantic , awkward affair . i struggled to pull his shirt off , slipping it over his arms , while he refused to let go of the buttons of my shirt until he 'd undone every single one . in a pause , some transcendent moment of love , we watched each other as we pulled off our shirts . the hesitation only lasted for a moment more after that . asher grabbed me , pulled me towards him . i went willingly , holding onto him . my fingernails pressed into his back and i rubbed my chest against his abs , feeling my n**ples harden and tingle beneath the fabric of my bra . not for long , though , as asher , like some wild beast , nearly ripped my bra in two before figuring out the latch in the back and removing it . bared for him to see , and him alone , i languished in his desire . he coaxed me away , pushing gently so he could admire me . shy and reserved , i stood there , letting him openly ogle my br**sts .

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["lets", 4271], ["letting", 4271], ["openly", 4282], ["ogle", 4287], ["ogles", 4287]]

marie looked across at alethea and said , `` i 've judged you harshly in the past , alethea . i 'm protective of my boys and i adopted jeremy the moment i met him . jeisa , too . i ca n't say i agree with how you treated either of them , but i can agree to let the past be the past . you impressed me today . i did n't know what to think when abby suggested this meeting . but i can see that you genuinely want this to work out as much as we do . you 've done a lot to help those i care most about , and i hope this is the start of a friendship between us . '' the next two hours passed quickly as they chose days to get together , possible locations for lil 's wedding , and in general laughed over fun ideas they tossed around . alethea did n't mention the challenges each proposed location faced when it came to security . she did n't share what all those days would mean to her work schedule and projects . no , she smiled , laughed , and did her best to avoid saying anything that could rock the boat . she excused herself to go to the bathroom and lil came with her , hugging her all the way . `` al , today worked out better than i dared dream it could . i 'm actually getting married , and you 're going to be there . '' she hugged her friend back , fighting the voice within her that screamed to be careful . the past does n't matter here . i bring it to every encounter i have . is that why i ca n't be happy ? i find ugly everywhere because i look for it ? just for today , i want to see the world the way lil does . she hugged lil and gave in to an enthusiastic bounce . you 're really getting married . '' they giggled together just as they had when they 'd been much younger , and it felt good . they returned from the bathroom , both smiling and laughing . abby 's phone beeped and she checked it . she smiled and then frowned . holding the phone so everyone could see the photo , she said , `` stephan just sent me a photo of the babies and rosella at the park . he 's never sent me a text before . it does n't look like they even know he 's there . '' she looked at nicole , who shrugged and then at alethea-who froze . chapter fifteen across town , marc placed his list of names on dominic corisi 's desk . `` with alethea 's help i went through every name you gave me . there is a brief summary next to each . we used every source we could to learn what these people have been up to and determine if they have the skills needed to pull this off . i wish i had good news for you . '' dominic looked over the list quickly and then handed it to jake . `` jeremy , tell me you found something . '' `` i found a network of dummy ips that lead backward from stephan 's . the good news is that stephan 's not doing this . the bad news is , whoever is doing this-he 's good . i hate to say it , but i think alethea is right on the money with this one . someone put a whole lot of effort into this ... over a few years . if we stop looking at the coding errors as the problem and think of them as a taunt , we 're dealing with one sick bastard . '' jake said , `` but one that stephan may have met . if he worked for him , there has to be a photo of him . or surveillance video . jeremy said , `` there is no record of stanley or the other alias at andrade global . they store their surveillance videos digitally , and those files have been wiped clean . i guess we could have stephan work with a criminal sketch artist , but other than that , we 're at a dead end . marc looked at dominic . jeremy 's eyebrows rose . `` no offense , marc , but if there was something to find here , i would have found it . '' `` i 've gone through every possible online database we have . it 's like this guy never existed . if we 're even hunting for the right guy . there is nothing that says the man who worked for stephan and the guy who is doing this are the same person . '' undeterred , marc walked behind dominic 's desk and took his seat . he stopped and looked at dominic . dominic told marc and then shrugged . `` i do n't know why i use one when apparently everyone can access everything regardless . '' marc accessed the internet and followed his hunch . marc answered , `` just give me a minute . '' dominic looked around the room angrily . `` where the hell is stephan ? '' jeremy pointed his thumb at the window in a vague reference of location . `` he 's working with jake 's parents to secure his server .

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we listened to his rendition , all of us laughing at the thought of alberta sneaking in through the window . `` hey , she might be old , but she could take on almost any of us , '' i told them . i gave brandon a puzzled look . he had bruises and red splotches on his face . he also had a few weird welts near his ear . have you been fighting guardians too ? '' his smile promptly disappeared , and he looked away from me . `` nah , just fell . '' moroi might not train to fight like dhampirs did , but they got in brawls with each other just as often as anyone else . i tried to think of any moroi he might have a conflict with . for the most part , brandon was pretty likeable . `` that 's the lamest , most unoriginal excuse in the world . '' `` it 's true , '' he said , still avoiding my eyes . `` if someone 's screwing with you , i can give you a few pointers . '' he turned back to me , locking eyes . he was n't hostile or anything , but there was a firm note in his voice . it was almost like he believed saying the words alone would make me obey him . compel me - `` suddenly , i saw movement on my left . a slight shadow blending in with the dark shapes of a cluster of snowy pine trees - but moving just enough to catch my attention . stan 's face emerged from the darkness as he sprang toward us . finally , my first test . adrenaline shot through me just as strongly as if a real strigoi were approaching . i reacted instantly , reaching out to grab both brandon and christian . that was always the first move , to throw my own life before theirs . i jerked the two guys to a halt and turned toward my attacker , reaching for my stake in order to defend the moroi - and that 's when he appeared . he stood several feet in front of me , off to stan 's right , looking just as he had last night . i froze , unable to move or finish going for my stake . i forgot about what i 'd been doing and completely lost track of the people and commotion around me . the world slowed down , everything fading around me . there was only mason - that ghostly , shimmering mason who glowed in the dark and seemed like he so badly wanted to tell me something . the same feeling of helplessness i 'd experienced in spokane returned to me . i had n't been able to help him then . i could n't help him now . my stomach turned cold and hollow . i could do nothing except stand there , wondering what he was trying to say . he lifted one translucent hand and pointed off toward the other side of campus , but i did n't know what it meant . there was so much over there , and it was n't clear what he was pointing at . i shook my head , not understanding but desperately wishing i could . the sorrow on his face seemed to grow . suddenly , something slammed into my shoulder , and i stumbled forward . the world suddenly started up again , snapping me out of the dreamy state i 'd just been in . i only barely managed to throw out my hands in time to stop myself from hitting the ground . i looked up and saw stan standing over me . `` hathaway ! '' i blinked , still trying to shake off the weirdness of seeing mason again . i felt sluggish and dazed . i looked into stan 's angry face and then glanced over at where mason had been . i turned my attention back to stan and realized what had happened . in my distraction , i 'd completely spaced while he 'd staged his attack . he now had one arm around christian 's neck and one around brandon 's . he was n't hurting them , but his point was made . five most disciplinary issues at the academy went to headmistress kirova . she oversaw moroi and dhampirs alike and was known for her creative and oft-used repertoire of punishments . she was n't cruel , exactly , but she was n't soft , either . she simply took student behavior seriously and dealt with it as she saw fit . there were some issues , however , that were beyond her jurisdiction . the school 's guardians calling together a disciplinary committee was n't unheard of , but it was very , very rare . you had to do something pretty serious to piss them off to get that sort of response . like , say , willfully endangering a moroi . or hypothetically willfully endangering a moroi . `` for the last time , '' i growled , `` i did n't do it on purpose . '' i sat in one of the guardians ' meeting rooms , facing my committee : alberta , emil , and one of the other rare female guardians on campus , celeste . they sat at a long table , looking imposing , while i sat in a single chair and felt very vulnerable .

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anders was touched , but there would be little time to spend inventing hobbies . he had his final exams to concentrate on ; he could n't take up his place at almkvist 's unless he came away with a good degree . it was time to knuckle down and just get on with it . he went home every month and worked for a few days in the office , keeping his hand in . he learned how to express his views and how to make decisions . he had a good business head , and people had begun to take him seriously . he was no longer the son and heir of the senior almkvist : he was a person in his own right . he found himself able to talk to his cousin mats about his drinking , which had become a matter of some concern ; as mats was family , the problem had so far not been addressed . anders had been firm but fair . he showed little condemnation , but gave a very clear warning at the same time . mats pulled himself together sharply and the situation was sorted . if his father knew of it , he said nothing . but he tended to leave more and more to anders . anders , in turn , leaned on klara . she was willing to share her experience with him , which was a great help as his final exams were now only weeks away . on a sunny day in june , patrik almkvist sat next to his wife gunilla for their son 's graduation . william had stayed at home because of business commitments , he said . privately , anders thought that might just have been a diplomatic retreat . it might have been a miserable ordeal . instead , anders was pleased to see , it was n't just good manners that kept them all smiling throughout the afternoon and into the evening . he realised that now his parents no longer lived together , they could relax . to his astonishment , a kind of friendship had emerged and they were both able to enjoy their son 's achievements . the conversation over dinner was filled with talk of the future : for a long time , it had been planned that after his graduation anders would spend a year in a big american firm of accountants , a place with a distinguished name where he would learn a great deal in a short time . it had all been arranged with the senior partners , and anders was hugely looking forward to it . klara had been very helpful with her boston contacts and had arranged everything . gunilla had contacts there too , it emerged , and he would have a marvellous time in the city . as they strolled through the streets of gothenburg , anders felt that everything was falling into place . the following morning , patrik almkvist collapsed in the hotel lobby . it was not major , the hospital told them ; mr almkvist was not in any danger but still he had to rest . anders and gunilla sat by his bedside for two days and then , as his mother flew back to london , anders took his father back home to stockholm . 'there 's no way you can go to boston now . you have to go in at the deep end , anders . i need you in there as my eyes and ears . it 's your time now . ' it could n't be his time yet . he was much too young . he had n't even begun to live properly . boston was cancelled . soon it seemed as if anders had always been in charge ; he welcomed the challenges , yet he knew he would not have been able to cope without klara 's expertise and loyalty . she briefed him before every meeting , gave him background information on every client . he did make time to swim at lunchtime each day rather than go to eat the heavy meals in dark , panelled dining rooms that the previous regime had favoured . once a week he went to listen to some live music but every other evening he sat with his father as fru karlsson cleared away their supper , and he spoke about what had gone on at the firm that day . little by little , mr almkvist 's strength returned . but never to the level it had been . when he came back to work it was for short days and mainly involved meetings in the boardroom , where his presence managed to give weight and importance to the occasion . sometimes anders felt a bit crushed by it all ; other times he felt that out there somewhere was a real world with people doing what they really wanted to do or what mattered , or both . but he realised that he was privileged to have inherited such a prestigious position . in a world of uncertainty and anxiety about employment and the economy , he was amazingly lucky to be where he was , doing a job that presented new challenges every day . privilege brought duties with it ; he had always known this . this was where his duty lay . it was his father who suggested the holiday to him . he said that the boy was working too hard and must go to recharge his batteries . anders was at a loss to know where to go .

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3438], ["panel", 3449], ["paneling", 3449], ["panelling", 3449], ["panelled", 3449], ["dine", 3456], ["dined", 3456], ["dining", 3456], ["room", 3462], ["roomed", 3462], ["rooms", 3462], ["previous", 3480], ["regime", 3487], ["favour", 3500], ["favourest", 3500], ["favoured", 3500], ["week", 3514], ["listen", 3532], ["listens", 3532], ["music", 3551], ["musics", 3551], ["fru", 3605], ["karlsson", 3614], ["clear", 3622], ["clearest", 3622], ["cleared", 3622], ["supper", 3640], ["speak", 3655], ["spoken", 3655], ["spoke", 3655], ["go", 3675], ["goest", 3675], ["gone", 3675], ["strength", 3744], ["return", 3753], ["returnest", 3753], ["returned", 3753], ["never", 3765], ["level", 3778], ["work", 3818], ["wrought", 3818], ["mainly", 3851], ["involve", 3860], ["involved", 3860], ["meeting", 3869], ["meetings", 3869], ["boardroom", 3886], ["presence", 3907], ["manage", 3915], ["managed", 3915], ["give", 3923], ["weight", 3930], ["weighted", 3930], ["weightest", 3930], ["importance", 3945], ["occasion", 3961], ["bit", 3991], ["bits", 3991], ["crush", 3999], ["crushest", 3999], ["crushed", 3999], ["time", 4023], ["times", 4023], ["somewhere", 4056], ["reis", 4067], ["real", 4067], ["world", 4073], ["really", 4108], ["matter", 4138], ["mattering", 4138], ["mattered", 4138], ["inherit", 4207], ["inherits", 4207], ["inherited", 4207], ["prestigious", 4226], ["position", 4235], ["uncertainty", 4263], ["anxiety", 4275], ["employment", 4292], ["economy", 4308], ["amazingly", 4327], ["lucky", 4333], ["job", 4366], ["jobbing", 4366], ["present", 4381], ["presentest", 4381], ["presented", 4381], ["new", 4385], ["privilege", 4418], ["privileged", 4418], ["bring", 4426], ["brought", 4426], ["duty", 4433], ["duties", 4433], ["know", 4463], ["knowest", 4463], ["known", 4463], ["duty", 4494], ["lay", 4498], ["lie", 4498], ["lain", 4498], ["suggest", 4532], ["suggested", 4532], ["holiday", 4544], ["holidays", 4544], ["holidayed", 4544], ["boy", 4574], ["work", 4586], ["wrought", 4586], ["working", 4586], ["hard", 4595], ["must", 4604], ["musts", 4604], ["recharge", 4619], ["battery", 4633], ["batteries", 4633], ["loss", 4656], ["know", 4664], ["knowest", 4664]]

slowly , she returned it to the box and then took out her craft gear . she pulled out her watercolor paints and the small cards . then she began to paint some cherry trees . yes , spring was almost over and summer was just around the corner . some two hours later , shed finally had enough and put everything away . still not tired , she went to kneel down beside toby , who was sound asleep . she stroked his white fur and the dog purred with pleasure . you have no worries , do you ? then she got up and left the room . the air was warm and breezy as sakura headed down toward the garden near the pond where mary and peter had their wedding ceremony only that afternoon . it was a beautiful wedding , she whispered to herself . she closed her eyes and breathed in the spring air , her face tilted up toward heaven , serene . she stayed there for how long she did not know as her mind wandered off into the far distance . then when she realized it was getting rather late , she turned on her heel and started walking back toward the house . she was deep in thought and was just passing the section of the garden with thick bushes when someone grabbed her arm and pulled her into the darkness . sakura gasped , her heart pounding hard and fast as she instinctively tried to free herself from the tight imprisonment . she said , her voice weak . the person turned her around so her back was resting against the thickness of a tree trunk and her front was to him . his masculine , lean body completely enveloped her , embracing her so she had no way of escape . sakura could feel his warm heat radiating out to her , and her heart started to thunder loudly within her chest and her head began to go a bit dizzy . she whispered softly , not at all seeing his face in the darkness . he was tall , she realized , for her head barely reached up to his shoulders , and his body was firm against hers as he pressed her back against the tree , squishing her beneath him . she whispered again , her voice shaking . as if to calm her down , as if to tell her that he meant her no harm , he gently touched his hand to her face and moved his lips to her ear . hush , he whispered , sending electrifying sensations through her being . sakura closed her eyes and her body unconsciously relaxed in his arms . her breathing became labored as he continued to stroke her neck down toward her collarbone and then lower toward her breasts . sakura bit her lip , her head spinning , and her legs suddenly turned into jelly . then she could feel his warm lips against her throat . she could feel the heat of his mouth burning against her skin , sending her head reeling with wonder . then before she knew it she could feel his tongue on her sensitive skin , stroking her , kissing her , sucking her . she gasped as the heat within her decided to rise deliciously . sakura widened her eyes , wondering why hed stopped . all she could see was the shadow of his strong , handsome face above her . slowly , he moved his fingers and stroked her bottom lip , as he was marveling at the soft flesh . she heard him breathing harder , as if he had difficulty controlling himself . he didnt respond to her query , and before she could understand what was going on , his firm lips were on hers . sakura was taken by surprise . she could feel the heat from him as he passionately kissed her , his fingers digging deep into her hair . she felt weak and light , like a feather floating in the air , flying higher and higher . she groaned and held on to him for dear life . in response , he deepened the kiss by plunging his tongue into her mouth and wildly invading her . sakuras whole body shuddered in ecstasy as his tongue stroked and played with her , exploring her , sending wild passion coursing through her being , exciting her to such powerful levels that she thought shed die . yes , she was lost in the wonderful heaven . suddenly , he pulled back , as if he suddenly realized hed made a mistake . sakura gazed up at his dark form , her heart pounding . she didnt want him to stop . then just as quickly , he pulled her into his arms and hugged her tight , as though he never wanted to let her go . he kissed her again , his tongue wild against hers , as if he were desperate to have her , as if he were afraid of losing her . when he pulled back again , he was breathless and she was shaking from head to toe . he whispered softly near her ear . sakura stayed there staring into the darkness , her finger touching her lips , her heart pounding , and her head spinning . when she managed to get back to her room and then into bed , it was very late , or rather early in the morning . her mind was still on the man who had kissed her . * * * * * chapter 32 : tragedy sakura woke up late the next day since she didnt get to sleep until about five in the morning .

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["stroked", 405], ["white", 415], ["fur", 419], ["dog", 431], ["purr", 438], ["purrs", 438], ["purred", 438], ["pleasure", 452], ["worry", 474], ["worried", 474], ["worries", 474], ["get", 498], ["got", 498], ["left", 510], ["leave", 510], ["room", 519], ["roomed", 519], ["air", 529], ["airs", 529], ["airing", 529], ["warm", 538], ["breezy", 549], ["sakura", 559], ["head", 566], ["headed", 566], ["toward", 578], ["garden", 589], ["gardens", 589], ["gardened", 589], ["near", 594], ["pond", 603], ["mary", 614], ["marys", 614], ["peter", 624], ["peters", 624], ["wedding", 642], ["ceremony", 651], ["afternoon", 671], ["beautiful", 692], ["beautifulest", 692], ["whisper", 716], ["whispered", 716], ["close", 740], ["closed", 740], ["eye", 749], ["eyed", 749], ["eyes", 749], ["breathe", 762], ["breathes", 762], ["breathed", 762], ["face", 791], ["tilt", 798], ["tilting", 798], ["tilted", 798], ["heaven", 815], ["heavens", 815], ["serene", 824], ["stay", 837], ["stayed", 837], ["long", 856], ["longs", 856], ["know", 873], ["knowest", 873], ["mind", 885], ["minding", 885], ["wander", 894], ["wandered", 894], ["far", 911], ["distance", 920], ["distancing", 920], ["realize", 945], ["realized", 945], ["get", 960], ["getting", 960], ["rather", 967], ["late", 972], ["lates", 972], ["turn", 985], ["turned", 985], ["heel", 997], ["heeled", 997], ["start", 1009], ["started", 1009], ["walk", 1017], ["walking", 1017], ["back", 1022], ["house", 1039], ["deep", 1054], ["deeply", 1054], ["think", 1065], ["thought", 1065], ["thinkest", 1065], ["pass", 1086], ["passing", 1086], ["section", 1098], ["sectioning", 1098], ["thick", 1123], ["thickest", 1123], ["bush", 1130], ["bushed", 1130], ["bushes", 1130], ["grab", 1151], ["grabbed", 1151], ["arm", 1159], ["darkness", 1192], ["heart", 1220], ["pound", 1229], ["pounding", 1229], ["hard", 1234], ["fast", 1243], ["instinctively", 1264], ["try", 1270], ["tryed", 1270], ["tried", 1270], ["free", 1278], ["tight", 1301], ["imprisonment", 1314], ["say", 1325], ["sayest", 1325], ["said", 1325], ["voice", 1337], ["weak", 1342], ["person", 1355], ["rest", 1397], ["resting", 1397], ["thickness", 1419], ["tree", 1429], ["treed", 1429], ["treeing", 1429], ["trunk", 1435], ["front", 1449], ["masculine", 1476], ["lean", 1483], ["leans", 1483], ["body", 1488], ["bodied", 1488], ["completely", 1499], ["envelop", 1509], ["envelopest", 1509], ["enveloped", 1509], ["embrace", 1525], ["embracing", 1525], ["way", 1547], ["ways", 1547], ["escape", 1557], ["escapes", 1557], ["feel", 1577], ["heat", 1591], ["heats", 1591], ["heated", 1591], ["radiate", 1601], ["radiates", 1601], ["radiating", 1601], ["thunder", 1647], ["loudly", 1654], ["within", 1661], ["chest", 1671], ["head", 1684], ["go", 1696], ["goest", 1696], ["bit", 1702], ["bits", 1702], ["dizzy", 1708], ["dizzying", 1708], ["softly", 1731], ["see", 1751], ["seeing", 1751], ["tall", 1790], ["barely", 1827], ["reach", 1835], ["reached", 1835], ["shoulder", 1855], ["shouldered", 1855], ["shoulders", 1855], ["firm", 1879], ["press", 1906], ["pressed", 1906], ["squish", 1944], ["squishes", 1944], ["squishest", 1944], ["squishing", 1944], ["beneath", 1956], ["shake", 2002], ["shaking", 2002], ["calm", 2018], ["calms", 2018], ["tell", 2043], ["mean", 2061], ["meanest", 2061], ["meant", 2061], ["harm", 2073], ["harmest", 2073], ["gently", 2085], ["touch", 2093], ["touching", 2093], ["touched", 2093], ["hand", 2102], ["move", 2124], ["moved", 2124], ["lip", 2133], ["lipped", 2133], ["lips", 2133], ["ear", 2144], ["hush", 2151], ["hushed", 2151], ["send", 2176], ["sending", 2176], ["electrify", 2189], ["electrifying", 2189], ["sensation", 2200], ["sensations", 2200], ["unconsciously", 2270], ["arm", 2290], ["arms", 2290], ["breathe", 2306], ["breathes", 2306], ["breathing", 2306], ["become", 2313], ["became", 2313], ["continue", 2337], ["continued", 2337], ["stroke", 2347], ["neck", 2356], ["necked", 2356], ["collarbone", 2383], ["collarbones", 2383], ["low", 2398], ["lowed", 2398], ["breast", 2417], ["breasted", 2417], ["breasting", 2417], ["breasts", 2417], ["lip", 2438], ["lipped", 2438], ["spun", 2458], ["spin", 2458], ["spinning", 2458], ["leg", 2473], ["legs", 2473], ["suddenly", 2482], ["jelly", 2500], ["jellies", 2500], ["jellied", 2500], ["throat", 2555], ["mouth", 2594], ["mouthed", 2594], ["burn", 2602], ["burns", 2602], ["burning", 2602], ["skin", 2619], ["reel", 2646], ["reeling", 2646], ["wonder", 2658], ["wonderest", 2658], ["know", 2681], ["knowest", 2681], ["knew", 2681], ["tongue", 2710], ["tonguing", 2710], ["sensitive", 2727], ["stroke", 2743], ["stroking", 2743], ["kiss", 2757], ["kisses", 2757], ["kissest", 2757], ["kissing", 2757], ["suck", 2771], ["sucking", 2771], ["gasp", 2788], ["gasps", 2788], ["gasped", 2788], ["decide", 2819], ["decided", 2819], ["rise", 2827], ["risen", 2827], ["deliciously", 2839], ["widen", 2856], ["widened", 2856], ["wonder", 2877], ["wonderest", 2877], ["wondering", 2877], ["stop", 2893], ["stopped", 2893], ["see", 2913], ["shadow", 2928], ["shadowed", 2928], ["strong", 2942], ["handsome", 2953], ["handsomes", 2953], ["finger", 3000], ["fingers", 3000], ["bottom", 3023], ["bottoming", 3023], ["marvel", 3049], ["marveled", 3049], ["marvelled", 3049], ["marveling", 3049], ["marvelling", 3049], ["soft", 3061], ["flesh", 3067], ["fleshest", 3067], ["hear", 3079], ["hears", 3079], ["heard", 3079], ["hard", 3100], ["difficulty", 3126], ["control", 3138], ["controlling", 3138], ["respond", 3165], ["respondest", 3165], ["query", 3178], ["understand", 3212], ["understanded", 3212], ["go", 3227], ["goest", 3227], ["going", 3227], ["take", 3278], ["taken", 3278], ["surprise", 3290], ["surprised", 3290], ["passionately", 3344], ["kiss", 3351], ["kisses", 3351], ["kissest", 3351], ["kissed", 3351], ["dug", 3377], ["dig", 3377], ["digs", 3377], ["digest", 3377], ["digging", 3377], ["hair", 3396], ["feel", 3407], ["felt", 3407], ["lit", 3422], ["light", 3422], ["like", 3429], 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3885], ["mistake", 3968], ["mistook", 3968], ["mistaken", 3968], ["gaze", 3983], ["gazes", 3983], ["gazed", 3983], ["dark", 3998], ["form", 4003], ["formest", 4003], ["stop", 4053], ["quickly", 4076], ["hug", 4117], ["hugged", 4117], ["though", 4139], ["never", 4148], ["let", 4162], ["lets", 4162], ["desperate", 4248], ["afraid", 4283], ["lose", 4293], ["losing", 4293], ["breathless", 4345], ["toe", 4382], ["toeing", 4382], ["stare", 4447], ["stared", 4447], ["staring", 4447], ["finger", 4478], ["touch", 4487], ["touching", 4487], ["manage", 4560], ["managed", 4560], ["get", 4567], ["bed", 4602], ["early", 4639], ["morning", 4654], ["man", 4686], ["mans", 4686], ["manned", 4686], ["chapter", 4725], ["tragedy", 4738], ["wake", 4750], ["wakes", 4750], ["woken", 4750], ["woke", 4750], ["next", 4767], ["day", 4771], ["since", 4777], ["slept", 4800], ["sleep", 4800], ["sleeps", 4800], ["sleepest", 4800], ["five", 4817], ["fived", 4817]]

abby 's body craved dominic 's with an urgency she 'd only heard about and had always dismissed as an exaggeration . her skin quivered in anticipation . her body moistened with desire . and amazingly enough , dominic 's eyes burned with a matching powerful need . the standoff was pretty equal until abby brought a hand up and cupped her own breast , gently flicking her erect nipple with her thumb . dominic closed the distance between them , lifting her off her feet to rest fully against him and took her breast into his mouth . abby wrapped her legs around his waist , wishing they 'd gone one step further while stripping , but still enjoying the feel of him rubbing against her moist panties . their mouths met in a fevered kiss . he cupped her buttocks in both hands and rubbed her back and forth against him until she was writhing with him . with seemingly little effort , he walked with her to his master bedroom , barely breaking the kiss to open the door . he tossed her onto the middle of the bed and she lay there for a moment , slightly dazed . he could n't take her this far and then stop . with a wicked smile , he opened a drawer and found what abby knew they needed but had forgotten in her enthusiasm . he stepped out of his boxers and handed her the small foil package . as dominic stood before her like a conquering hero waiting to be serviced , abby could n't help but turn the tables one last time on him . she was a modern woman . she 'd perused articles on how to make these moments more memorable , she 'd just never been with a man before who made her want to try out those techniques . she took the foil package and crawled over to the side of the bed deliberately taking her time , fully aware of the effect waiting was having on him . his entire body jerked when she slid the condom on his tip and finished by applying it with her mouth . he groaned and rolled onto the bed with her , pinning him beneath her . his expert hands were everywhere , removing the last of her clothing , seeking out her wet nub . his large hands teased the inside and outside of her , rubbing with a rhythm that had her clinging and gasping . in this merger , there was no leader , no follower . they both gave as much as they received , demanded as much as they offered . each sought out the exact caresses to send the other beyond control and then found rapture in the pleasure of matched enthusiasm . `` come , '' he said and this time she did n't argue . wave after wave of heat engulfed her . just when she did n't think she could take anymore , he slid inside her and the waves of pleasure started again . they rolled so she was on top . he guided her up and down until they shared a mutual release . she collapsed on him , unashamed and completely sated . with a slight adjustment , she was tucked against his side beneath a blanket . his strong arms allowed little chance of escape and that was perfectly fine with abby . she kissed his chest impulsively and said , `` i suppose a little cavorting between meetings would be fine . '' he chuckled and hugged her tighter even as his breathing deepened and he relaxed into sleep . abby would have been offended by his quick slumber , but mrs. duhamel had shared her concern that dominic had n't been sleeping this week . apparently that was no longer a problem . she snuggled closer and remembered what he 'd said about her . she calmed him . with her own heart still racing wildly in her chest every time she thought about the next few days they 'd spend together , she wondered if he knew that he had the exact opposite effect on her . she 'd never felt so alive . chapter eleven two black suvs and two limousines met them the next morning at the private airport they landed at just outside of beijing . abby stepped out of the plane into the hot summer air and was glad that mrs. duhamel had thought of everything . she was showered and dressed comfortably in a pair of light blue cotton slacks and a cream blouse . four large men , two chinese and two american , came to greet dominic as he stepped off the plane . dominic introduced them to abby . it was a strangely informal introduction to men who neither seemed like business associates nor friends . each hand that engulfed hers seemed larger than the next . they were all simply dressed in black pants with white , cotton dress shirts , and dark jackets . abby heard dominic instruct , `` i 've given you a list of places she can go , but she never leaves your sight . if she wants to chat , you chat . if she wants you invisible , disappear , but at no time should you be further than ten feet from her . '' `` in the suite , sir ? '' `` when i 'm not there , i want at least one man inside and the others prowling . when i 'm there , disappear . '' abby felt as awkward as a new tourist asking if she should tip the porter or not .

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or maybe she had reacted differently to her because cynthia was n't panicked or hysterical or even silent and moody . kathryn felt almost as though they were equals even though cynthia was only half her age . she did n't kid herself when it came to ron egan . everything was different because her physical response to him had been immediate and undeniable . it did n't matter that she might disagree with him in every way . as a man , she found him powerfully attractive . she wanted to be around him even though she knew it was a foolish thing to do . he seemed to be truly interested in learning to communicate with his daughter , but he had no idea how to begin . if she did n't help him , he was liable to treat cynthia as a hostile takeover . they could end up like her own family . `` from now on you and cynthia will have to work things out on your own . '' that means you 'll be able to go on a date with me tonight , and you wo n't have to tell me how i 'm doing everything wrong . '' `` everyone will know what i did . `` it will be a lot better if you see your friends , '' kathryn said . they had been talking for nearly half an hour . rather , kathryn and cynthia had been talking . ron had been mostly listening , putting in a word now and then , responding when addressed directly . he felt as if they were conversing in a foreign tongue . the words were ones he knew , but they seemed to have different meanings from what he expected . he wondered if it was just a woman thing , or if there was some special bonding between them . he could n't remember cynthia ever being so open and relaxed with margaret norwood or the governess , and they 'd known her most of her life . they 'd come back to find that cynthia 's best friend , leigh stedman , had come by to see her . after refusing to see her , cynthia had locked herself in her room , extremely upset anyone at school knew where she was or that she was pregnant . it had taken kathryn several minutes to convince cynthia to let her into her room . it had taken more than thirty minutes to convince her to talk with her father . pacing up and down the large living room , he 'd had plenty of time to rehearse what he meant to say . he 'd even edited it to make sure he was n't too severe . but when cynthia walked through that door , she did n't look like a confident young woman any longer . she looked like the little girl who used to like to curl up in his lap and go to sleep when he worked late . he 'd instinctively held out his arms , and she 'd come to him . for a few minutes everything was the way it used to be . they held each other while she cried . but as soon as her tears dried up , she became stiff , their positions awkward . when he released her , she moved away , ultimately sitting in a chair rather than on the sofa next to him . she looked so small , sitting in that huge overstuffed chair with her feet tucked under her , he could almost think of her as his little girl again . but he would have been fooling himself . at first she 'd talked exclusively to kathryn . it was as though she was embarrassed she 'd cried in front of him . he 'd wanted to tell her it was all right , that she never had to be afraid to come to him when she was frightened or feeling alone . `` i would n't look at it like that , '' kathryn said . `` you have a friend who knows what happened , and she still wants to be your friend . '' `` i do n't have any real friends , '' cynthia said . `` i 'll bet you do , '' kathryn said . `` you 've only been here two days , and already you 're everybody 's favorite . people ca n't help but want to be your friend . '' ron did n't know if cynthia believed that , but it seemed to improve her spirits . cynthia chewed on her lower lip . `` they wo n't want a friend with a baby , '' she said . `` all real friendships expand to include other people - boyfriends , husbands , children , even other friends . you 'll see if you just give your friends a chance . '' `` leigh 's parents are just about the most important people in charlotte , '' cynthia said . `` they 'll never let her have anything to do with an unwed mother . '' `` i think you ought to give leigh and her family a chance to make that decision rather than you making it for them . i think you 'll find very few people are so narrow-minded , so unwilling to make allowances for mistakes . '' ron knew it must have been difficult for kathryn to say that when her own parents had turned their backs on their daughter for the same reason .

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she 'd been so sure she would have to keep him at arm 's length she 'd checked into the room on another floor . that seemed petty , and even egotistical , now . he 'd simply wanted the common courtesy of a face-to-face goodbye and he 'd been willing to wait three years to get it . the least she could do was behave maturely now . she just had to get through the next forty-eight hours without making a fool of herself over this man again . throwing aside the covers , she stood and came face-to-face with her reflection in the mirror . a fright show stared back at her , showcased by the gold-leaf frame . with her tousled hair and dark circles under her eyes , she looked worse than after pulling back-to-back shifts in the e.r . pride demanded she shower and change before facing conrad , who would undoubtedly look hot in whatever he wore . even bed-head suited him quite well , damn him . a bracing shower later , she tugged on her favorite black skinny jeans and a poet 's shirt belted at the waist , the best she could do with what little she had in her suitcase . but she 'd expected to be traveling back to the states today , divorce papers in hand . at least she 'd thought to change her flight and arrange for more time off before going to bed last night . nerves went wild in her chest as she opened the door . the sound of clanking silverware echoed down the hallway , the scent of coffee teasing her nose . he 'd said they would spend two days finding peace with each other , but as she thought about facing him over breakfast , she felt anything but peaceful . still , she 'd made a deal with him and she refused to let him see her shake in her shoes-or all but beg him for sex again . trailing her fingers down the chair railing in the hall , she made her way through the `` man cave '' living room and into the dining area . and oh , god , he 'd swapped her elegant dining room set for the equivalent of an irish pub table with a throne at the head . and where was the barbarian of the hour ? the table had been set for two , but he was nowhere to be seen . a rattle from the kitchen gave her only a second 's warning before a tea cart came rolling in , but not pushed by conrad . a strange woman she 'd never met before pushed the cart containing a plate of pastries , a bowl of fruit and two steaming carafes . at the moment , food was the last thing on jayne 's mind . instead , at the top of the list was discovering the identity of this stranger . this beautiful redheaded stranger who looked very at ease in conrad 's home , serving breakfast from a familiar tea cart that had somehow survived the `` purge of jayne '' from the premises . jayne thrust out her hand . i 'm jayne hughes , and you would be ? '' given the leggy redhead was wearing jeans and a silk blouse , she was n't from housekeeping . `` i 'm hillary donavan . i 'm married to conrad 's friend . '' `` troy donavan , the computer mogul who went to high school with conrad . '' the pieces fell into place and , good lord , did she ever feel ridiculous . `` i saw your engagement and wedding announcements in the tabloids . you 're even lovelier in person . '' hillary crinkled her nose . `` that 's a very polite way of saying i 'm not photogenic . i hate the cameras , and i 'm afraid they reciprocate . '' the photos had n't done her justice , but by no means could hillary donavan ever look anything but lovely-and happy . the newlywed glow radiated from her , leaving jayne feeling weary and more than a little sad over her own lost dreams . `` i assume that breakfast is for us ? '' `` why yes , it is , '' hillary answered , sweeping the glass cover from the pastries . `` cream cheese filled , which i understand is your favorite , along with chocolate mint tea for you and coffee for me . '' and big fat strawberries . all of her favorites . she could n't help but dig to find out who 'd thought to make that happen . `` how lovely of the kitchen staff to remember my preferences . '' `` um , actually ... '' hillary parked the cart between two chairs and waved for jayne to sit . `` i 'm a former event planner so nosy habits die hard . i asked conrad , and he was wonderfully specific . '' he remembered , all the way down to the flavor of hot tea , when he 'd always preferred coffee , black , alongside mounds of food . as she stared at the radically different decor , she wondered how many other times he 'd deferred to her wishes and she just had n't known . jayne touched the gold band around a plate from her wedding china .

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and if she fell asleep with mascara on , she did n't wake up looking like an overweight strawberry skull . she woke up with smoky eyes . i survived the night , '' she grumpily announced by way of greeting . who would n't be grumpy when someone showed up at their door at seven in the morning looking like mr. sunshine ? he was even wearing an eye-burning neon yellow t-shirt . and the damn shirt had the audacity to look good on him . i brought your car . '' emille took a good look at him and wished she had n't . he was dressed for a run . he could n't have had more than six hours of sleep , but here he was ready to go for a run . i 'd planned to do six miles this morning anyway . it 's only seven back to my place . '' it would take him just over a half an hour if he was feeling lazy . `` need some water , or something ? '' i 'll be fine , '' he answered . he turned to leave , but changed his mind and did n't step away . `` how 's your ankle doing ? '' emille stuck her foot out and did the wiggle test . but i think it 's just a sprain . '' concerned , he frowned at her foot . `` what 's your pain level ? '' emille smiled at that . `` you know me , peter . i 'm either in pain , or i 'm not . '' it was n't that she was tough . when it came to pain , emille was a total wimp . a pinprick was a ten as far as she was concerned . she might bite her lip and endure in silence , but any kind of pain was always bad pain . `` did you take any painkillers ? '' typical peter , he maintained a serious expression as he asked about her health . and yes they worked . the next set should kick in in about another minute . emille stuck a finger into the air . pain gone . '' he chuckled at her humor . `` that 's good to know , but i really would prefer it if you saw a doctor . '' it was her time to sober . about the table '' she could n't stop the blush that stole into her cheeks at just the memory of the night before . `` and everything else i broke . just send me the bill and i 'll pay to have it replaced . '' peter rolled his eyes at her . it 's not like you had a bar fight . `` but it did n't happen to anybody , '' she whispered . it happ-end . peter took two steps toward the stairs then seemed to think better of it . he backtracked , and emille - thinking he 'd changed his mind about the water - stepped back from the doorway on the wrong foot . her ankle buckled beneath her and peter was there at once , keeping her upright . `` i was just going to kiss you goodbye , '' he explained . it was n't strange that he 'd come back to do something like that . some of the habits he 'd developed while living in europe and latin america had remained . he was very good about kissing his friends on their cheeks , and sometimes on the backs of their hands . even the guys might merit a kiss on the cheek whenever they had n't seen each other for a while . she tilted her face expectantly . and was promptly kissed on the lips . just long enough for her to respond by leaning into him . then he was jogging down her front steps and down the street like a disappearing act in slow motion . less than a second was all it took for him to kiss her lips . but it was hours before she could decide what to make of the gesture . maybe he 'd kissed her on the lips because they were close friends and the fall had upset him . it was probably his way of showing he cared . why else would peter change up his m.o . ? it was n't like he was interested in her in that way . she was n't his type , and emille knew her place better than anyone . did n't she pass her reflection in the mirror every time she went into the bathroom for a shower ? and didnt ' she catch a glimpse of it during the time it took for her to step out of the shower and attempt to wrap as much of her body as she could into a towel that was made for someone half her size ? peter would n't kiss a girl like her with anything but friendship in mind . with one last slap against the fall of belly that the split in the towel failed to conceal , emille went about preparing for a trip to the doctor to check out her ankle , followed by a workday at home . chapter 6 jack had stopped by the apartment to pick peter up that morning . they 'd arranged it the night before . peter would pick up emille 's car at the restaurant and deliver it to her , just in case she was crazy enough to want to go to work on a sprained ankle .

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she sat in the spa chair , the mauve and crystal decor a far cry from the snip and curl her mother frequented . the bite of chemicals in the air , however , kelly recognized well . adjusting the heat level on her chair , she wriggled to get comfortable . cellophane wrapped around her hair while thoughts of ethan wrapped around her mind . she 'd been so proud of the way they 'd pulled together a comprehensive security plan with other agents and some ingenuity from the marines . instead , she 'd missed a basic element . they could n't slice away their emotions from the job , and the price ethan would pay was so much higher than her own if they failed . the flight back from north carolina with hatch the evening before had been blessedly short and filled with discussion of the security measures in place for the ball . only two days away . what would happen afterward ? she sniffled , dragging her wrist under her nose . she was n't crying , damn it . all the chemicals from other clients were just stinging her eyes . she needed to shut down those emotions and could n't seem to find an ounce of the cool distance ethan had donned since they left the mine . he needed a real partner , not someone playing out a nancy drew nabs a hardy boy fantasy . she glanced beside her to make sure eugenie had n't seen the momentary weakness . the older woman reclined unmoving in her pedicure chair beside kelly , green cream smeared across her face and a fabric mask over her eyes . eugenie had insisted on some serious pampering at peter 's spa and salon after work , vowing the dank mine air could do irreparable damage to kelly 's skin and hair . kelly had almost kissed the woman 's clog-clad feet in gratitude for giving her some much-needed distance from ethan after a day of terse exchanges at the computer console . only two more days and `` cinderella '' time would be over . no more dancing lessons . no more torturous seaweed treatments . no more hot-chocolate chats with aunt eugenie . eugenie . eugenie williams , kelly reminded herself . not her aunt , even if she had treated kelly 's feelings with more insight and sensitivity than even a blood relative . kelly scratched a finger along the cellophane twisted around her hair . even though the thing itched like a son-of-a-gun , she appreciated how eugenie had kept the changes gradual , giving her a chance to become accustomed to each one so she never felt awkward or exposed . a simple trim and conditioning the first time . this time , she 'd opted for layers and a cellophane wrap eugenie vowed would enhance the color without changing it . except she had to spend an hour looking like a creature from outer space to achieve the effect . kelly crossed her eyes at her own alien image staring back at her from the mirror across the salon . a door to one of the back rooms swung open , admitting three smocked workers followed by peter holding two glasses of wine . smiling and intuitively silent , he placed the crystal wine glasses beside both women , before turning to instruct a stock boy unloading bath beads . if only life really was this simple . for the next few minutes , she would take the eugenie-road and live in the moment . eugenie swirled her feet in the water with a contented sigh . her hand lifted and fell to rest on top of kelly 's with unerring accuracy . kelly squeezed back . `` just an old woman reassuring herself again that you 're all right . '' kelly patted eugenie 's hand . and i would never call you old . '' flipping the mask up , eugenie sat straighter . `` but i 'm afraid i 'm feeling my age today . brushes with mortality in the young do that to a person . '' `` the park owner sent up an alarm before we even had a chance to suffer from mild frostbite . '' the body heat combusting from her and ethan had more than compensated for any chill . `` my age provides a host of thoughts on what could have happened on your way down . '' those awful first moments spent wondering if ethan had been hurt rolled through her mind in a nauseating wave . their two hours in the mine would have been so very different if she 'd been trapped with an injured ethan . or heaven forbid ... she shuddered . eugenie 's grip tightened on kelly 's fingers a final time before her hand returned to her lap . `` once a person has lived through a next-of-kin police notification , she never gets over fearing another . '' `` i 'm so sorry we worried you . '' again , those moments of fear for ethan kicked through her mind , painfully , lending importance to a man she needed to get over . `` i never expected to lose my brother like that . eugenie drew in a shaky breath and shook her head .

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finding a spot to sit was difficult , although they eventually did when a couple of teenagers were kind enough to share their space . anne marie had remembered to bring a blanket , which she smoothed out on the grass . a platform had been built for the performance , and they had a good view of the stage . ellen sat cross-legged on the blanket . barbie and anne marie arranged themselves close to her . barbie had n't done anything like this since before she 'd lost gary . it reminded her of family expeditions when the kids were little , and she felt a quiet joy , an awareness that she could be happy again . after the accident , her primary concern had been for her children . now that they were away at school , she was no longer insulated from the pain and the loss . it was this same loss she sensed in mark bassett , and one reason she was so drawn to him . for her mother , widowhood had been a different story . they 'd never really discussed it , but barbie knew about her father 's indiscretions . lillie had chosen to ignore them . and because her mother said nothing , barbie did n't , either . she knew that lillie grieved for david . she 'd loved him , but in some ways barbie thought his death might have been a release for her mother-although she 'd never so much as hint at such a thing . `` when will it start ? '' ellen asked after sitting quietly for several minutes . the girl shook her head and tucked her hands beneath her thighs . there was festive chatter all around them ; everyone seemed to be in a cheerful mood , exchanging greetings , laughing , talking . `` ellen likes to sing , '' anne marie told her . barbie asked , turning to the child . at the question , ellen 's face grew red . `` anne marie says i 'm a good singer . she heard me sing in the school play . '' the child obviously put great stock in the compliment . `` maybe anne marie can teach you a few irish songs , '' barbie suggested . a look of such profound sadness flashed into her friend 's eyes that barbie instantly placed her hand on anne marie 's forearm . `` i used to sing , but i do n't anymore . i ... ca n't , '' anne marie mumbled , staring down at the blanket . `` i lost my voice after robert died ... . i thought it would return , but it has n't yet . '' barbie felt she had to apologize because it so clearly upset her friend . i mean , for heaven 's sake , it 's not your fault . '' recovering quickly , anne marie dismissed her concern with a quick shake of her head . ellen gazed up at her , frowning . `` i did n't know you ca n't sing . '' `` do n't worry , ellen , '' anne marie murmured . `` i will again . '' because ellen was restless and maybe because anne marie wanted to change the subject , the two of them went for a short walk around the park before the music started . as they left , barbie saw that the little girl stuck close to anne marie 's side . being with so many people was probably overwhelming for a child . barbie had to credit her friend ; it could n't have been easy to bring this child into her home , even for a short while . in fact , barbie thought anne marie seemed softer now , less cynical and more open . being with such a vulnerable child , having to take responsibility for her , meant that anne marie was less focused on her own sorrows . was n't that what elise kept saying ? doing something for someone else made you feel better about yourself . the group of irish singers was introduced , and the crowd instantly broke into applause . ellen and anne marie hurried back to the blanket just as the performance began . the singers , the fiddlers and dancers were thrilling , and barbie loved every minute . the music was infectious . and the dancing-it was so vigorous , yet disciplined , too . ellen sat through the entire hour mesmerized . she seemed to absorb the music , every note of it . when the performance was over , her face glowed . `` that was so good , '' she said , looking at anne marie and barbie . `` i want to sing like that someday . `` yes , '' anne marie told her in a confident voice . people had started to leave the park . the exodus was slow moving , but barbie was n't in any hurry . besides , her feet hurt . that was what she got for wearing designer shoes ; she 'd chosen them because they were the perfect complement to her black linen pants and green silk blouse . the sun warmed the day , and she 'd left her raincoat open , the belt dangling at her sides .

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["eye", 1997], ["eyed", 1997], ["eyes", 1997], ["instantly", 2019], ["place", 2026], ["placed", 2026], ["hand", 2035], ["forearm", 2060], ["use", 2072], ["used", 2072], ["anymore", 2103], ["ca", 2114], ["cas", 2114], ["mumble", 2142], ["mumbles", 2142], ["mumbled", 2142], ["stare", 2152], ["stared", 2152], ["staring", 2152], ["voice", 2193], ["robert", 2206], ["roberts", 2206], ["die", 2211], ["died", 2211], ["return", 2243], ["returnest", 2243], ["yet", 2264], ["apologize", 2302], ["clearly", 2324], ["upset", 2330], ["mean", 2350], ["meanest", 2350], ["heaven", 2363], ["heavens", 2363], ["sake", 2371], ["sakes", 2371], ["fault", 2394], ["faulting", 2394], ["recover", 2410], ["recovering", 2410], ["quickly", 2418], ["dismiss", 2441], ["dismisses", 2441], ["dismissest", 2441], ["dismissing", 2441], ["dismissed", 2441], ["quick", 2466], ["shake", 2472], ["gaze", 2498], ["gazes", 2498], ["gazed", 2498], ["frown", 2519], ["frowns", 2519], ["know", 2539], ["knowest", 2539], ["worry", 2576], ["worried", 2576], ["restless", 2659], ["change", 2705], ["subject", 2717], ["subjectest", 2717], ["two", 2727], ["twos", 2727], ["go", 2740], ["goest", 2740], ["went", 2740], ["short", 2752], ["walk", 2757], ["park", 2773], ["parks", 2773], ["music", 2790], ["musics", 2790], ["start", 2798], ["started", 2798], ["left", 2813], ["leave", 2813], ["see", 2826], ["saw", 2826], ["stick", 2853], ["stickest", 2853], ["stuck", 2853], ["side", 2881], ["sidest", 2881], ["many", 2902], ["people", 2909], ["probably", 2922], ["overwhelming", 2935], ["credit", 2970], ["easy", 3011], ["home", 3045], ["homing", 3045], ["even", 3052], ["evens", 3052], ["fact", 3080], ["soft", 3122], ["less", 3133], ["cynical", 3141], ["open", 3155], ["vulnerable", 3186], ["take", 3209], ["responsibility", 3224], ["mean", 3240], ["meanest", 3240], ["meant", 3240], ["sorrow", 3292], ["sorrows", 3292], ["elise", 3318], ["keep", 3323], ["keepest", 3323], ["kept", 3323], ["say", 3330], ["sayest", 3330], ["saying", 3330], ["else", 3365], ["feel", 3379], ["well", 3386], ["wells", 3386], ["group", 3413], ["singers", 3430], ["introduce", 3445], ["introduced", 3445], ["crowd", 3461], ["crowdest", 3461], ["crowding", 3461], ["break", 3477], ["broke", 3477], ["applause", 3491], ["hurry", 3522], ["hurried", 3522], ["hurryed", 3522], ["hurrying", 3522], ["back", 3527], ["begin", 3572], ["began", 3572], ["fiddler", 3601], ["fiddlers", 3601], ["dancer", 3613], ["dancers", 3613], ["thrill", 3628], ["thrilling", 3628], ["every", 3653], ["minute", 3660], ["infectious", 3687], ["dance", 3705], ["dancing", 3705], ["vigorous", 3724], ["discipline", 3742], ["disciplined", 3742], ["entire", 3779], ["hour", 3784], ["mesmerize", 3795], ["mesmerizes", 3795], ["mesmerized", 3795], ["absorb", 3818], ["note", 3841], ["glow", 3897], ["glowest", 3897], ["glowed", 3897], ["look", 3943], ["looking", 3943], ["someday", 4006], ["yes", 4015], ["confident", 4055], ["left", 4091], ["leave", 4091], ["exodus", 4113], ["slow", 4122], ["moving", 4129], ["hurry", 4163], ["hurried", 4163], ["hurryed", 4163], ["hurrying", 4163], ["besides", 4173], ["foot", 4184], ["feet", 4184], ["hurt", 4189], ["hurts", 4189], ["hurting", 4189], ["get", 4213], ["got", 4213], ["wear", 4225], ["wearing", 4225], ["designer", 4234], ["shoe", 4240], ["shoed", 4240], ["shoes", 4240], ["perfect", 4291], ["perfectest", 4291], ["complement", 4302], ["complementest", 4302], ["black", 4315], ["linen", 4321], ["pant", 4327], ["pants", 4327], ["green", 4337], ["greens", 4337], ["silk", 4342], ["blouse", 4349], ["sun", 4359], ["suns", 4359], ["sunned", 4359], ["warm", 4366], ["warmed", 4366], ["day", 4374], ["raincoat", 4405], ["raincoats", 4405], ["belt", 4421], ["belts", 4421], ["belted", 4421], ["belting", 4421], ["beltest", 4421], ["dangle", 4430], ["dangling", 4430], ["side", 4443], ["sidest", 4443], ["sides", 4443]]

joels hands held evan in place by the hips as his twin image did the same to gaelle . the two of them stood locked between the languid push of joels pelvis and the lazy explorations of his tongue as his manifested will did double duty . the dedicated administrations caused evan to move in shallow thrusts inside gaelles bent and braced body , moving him over the hardening , quarter-sized nerve bundle again and again in time to joels tongue on her clit . she spasmed around his length in a continuous wave , the contractions growing stronger as the mini-quakes of pleasure stacked up toward an earth-shaking release . evan clenched his jaw as he tried to hold back against the pleasure onslaught . then all at once gaelle became a velvet fist around him , milking conscious thought away , and he let go . his jaw sprung open , his mouth latched onto her throat and his teeth slipped free , bringing a ejaculatory rush of blood that matched the shuddering flush throughout his body as he spilled into her . joels mirror images increased their efforts , tearing another orgasm from gaelle before his own manifested form cried out . the release swept through the three of them in a continuous wave and they came to the floor of the elevator in a tangle of bodies . three , flesh and blood , fully clothed bodies . it took evan a moment to process it all and then to cap the overwhelming encounter with the fact that joel was truly there sans mental projection . he reached out with trembling fingers and touched the all-to-solid arm . an arm clad in the exact dove gray silk shirt evan himself wore . in fact , joels attire was identical to evans in every way save the small skull and crossbones pin in place of the throat closer on the rounded collar . assured the arm was real , evan gave it a solid punch . joels only response was a laugh as he rose with the grace of the bodily-challenged and pulled his friends with him . immediately engulfed in their embrace he managed to kiss them both before replying . i thought id cross off two things at once . ive got a lot of time to make up for here . besides , its not like they saw what actually happened . another one of those perks on this side of things . the elevator chimed and they began to ascend again . joel looked up at the changing numbers . hmm , must be harder to hold the mechanism while holding form , he whispered . ill have to keep that in mind for next time . the doors glided apart as evan and gaelle slipped back into their respective jackets and smoothed themselves back to presentable parameters . there was so much that evan wanted to say , but hed engaged in all the public intimacy he could take for the night , meta or otherwise . still , as they followed joel down the short hall to the double doors of their suite , evan couldnt help but ask the thought bouncing around his mind . joel grinned over his shoulder and turned to face them , walking backwards towards the doors . a great many things happen now . this , he said , placing his hands on his chest , is not just a vague shape formed out of memory . i needed your energy the way a ghost would to manifest , but im truly here now that ive crossed the veil-line . my daemon half is paying off in spades finally . i can manifest as one of them instead of your average ghost . evan looked to gaelle as her entire being lit up . joel took their hands and pulled them along with him . they are indeed , and i know just where to start . i made a list and everything . ~*~ curtis ladd sat back from the security console and reset the elevators surveillance feed . he pulled out the memory card containing the incident and turned it between his fingers , its contents the only record of the unauthorized manifestation . there was no threat of losing his job over the reset . no one cared about monitoring the general psi sensors enough to double check behind him . they couldnt even spare a second set of eyes for the night and curtis spent his entire shift in the security cubical alone . most of the expensive psi equipment , and eyes to watch it all , were tucked in the casino security cage , set up to catch cheaters trying to read the dealers cards or nudge the roulette wheel in their favor . the hotel owner simply didnt feel threatened by psi ability enough to make it a priority beyond protecting his money . of course mr. fritz might change his mind on psi in general if he knew of a couple that could feed a manifestation and pull it right past the hotels shields to create a fully fleshed form , complete with clothing . the hotel had psi boosters to aid their ghostly employees and guests alike but there were alarms for unauthorized use . not a single one of which went off during the entire elevator episode . that was a rare talent that could be deeply useful , and usefulness would definitely pique fritz interest . curtis couldnt let that happen .

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486], ["continuous", 502], ["wave", 507], ["waved", 507], ["contraction", 526], ["contractions", 526], ["grow", 534], ["growest", 534], ["growing", 534], ["strong", 543], ["mini", 555], ["minis", 555], ["quake", 562], ["quaked", 562], ["quakes", 562], ["pleasure", 574], ["stack", 582], ["stacks", 582], ["stacked", 582], ["toward", 592], ["earth", 601], ["earths", 601], ["earthest", 601], ["shake", 609], ["shaking", 609], ["release", 617], ["clench", 633], ["clenched", 633], ["jaw", 641], ["jaws", 641], ["jawed", 641], ["jawest", 641], ["try", 653], ["tryed", 653], ["tried", 653], ["hold", 661], ["back", 666], ["onslaught", 697], ["become", 730], ["became", 730], ["velvet", 739], ["fist", 744], ["milk", 765], ["milked", 765], ["milkest", 765], ["milking", 765], ["conscious", 775], ["think", 783], ["thought", 783], ["thinkest", 783], ["away", 788], ["let", 801], ["lets", 801], ["go", 804], ["goest", 804], ["sprang", 821], ["sprung", 821], ["spring", 821], ["open", 826], ["mouth", 838], 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["bodies", 1261], ["flesh", 1277], ["fleshest", 1277], ["fully", 1295], ["clad", 1303], ["clothe", 1303], ["clothed", 1303], ["take", 1320], ["took", 1320], ["moment", 1334], ["process", 1345], ["cap", 1368], ["overwhelming", 1385], ["encounter", 1395], ["fact", 1409], ["joel", 1419], ["truly", 1429], ["san", 1440], ["sans", 1440], ["mental", 1447], ["projection", 1458], ["reach", 1471], ["reached", 1471], ["tremble", 1490], ["trembles", 1490], ["finger", 1498], ["fingers", 1498], ["touch", 1510], ["touching", 1510], ["touched", 1510], ["solid", 1527], ["arm", 1531], ["clad", 1545], ["clothe", 1545], ["exact", 1558], ["dove", 1563], ["gray", 1568], ["grays", 1568], ["silk", 1573], ["shirt", 1579], ["wear", 1597], ["wore", 1597], ["attire", 1622], ["identical", 1636], ["every", 1654], ["way", 1658], ["ways", 1658], ["save", 1663], ["small", 1673], ["skull", 1679], ["crossbones", 1694], ["pin", 1698], ["close", 1728], ["closer", 1728], ["collar", 1750], ["collared", 1750], ["assure", 1760], ["assured", 1760], ["reis", 1777], ["real", 1777], ["give", 1789], ["gave", 1789], ["punch", 1806], ["punching", 1806], ["response", 1828], ["laugh", 1840], ["rise", 1851], ["risen", 1851], ["rose", 1851], ["grace", 1866], ["bodily", 1880], ["challenge", 1891], ["challenged", 1891], ["pull", 1902], ["pulled", 1902], ["friend", 1914], ["friends", 1914], ["immediately", 1937], ["engulf", 1946], ["engulfed", 1946], ["engulfing", 1946], ["embrace", 1963], ["manage", 1974], ["managed", 1974], ["kiss", 1982], ["kisses", 1982], ["kissest", 1982], ["reply", 2008], ["replying", 2008], ["cross", 2029], ["crossing", 2029], ["thing", 2044], ["things", 2044], ["get", 2062], ["got", 2062], ["lot", 2068], ["besides", 2106], ["like", 2121], ["see", 2130], ["saw", 2130], ["happen", 2153], ["happened", 2153], ["perk", 2182], ["perks", 2182], ["side", 2195], ["sidest", 2195], ["chime", 2227], ["begin", 2242], ["began", 2242], ["ascend", 2252], ["look", 2272], ["looked", 2272], ["change", 2291], ["changing", 2291], ["number", 2299], ["numbering", 2299], ["numbers", 2299], ["hmm", 2305], ["must", 2312], ["musts", 2312], ["hard", 2322], ["mechanism", 2344], ["mechanisms", 2344], ["hold", 2358], ["holding", 2358], ["whisper", 2378], ["whispered", 2378], ["ill", 2384], ["ills", 2384], ["illest", 2384], ["keep", 2397], ["keepest", 2397], ["mind", 2410], ["minding", 2410], ["next", 2419], ["door", 2436], ["doors", 2436], ["glide", 2443], ["glided", 2443], ["apart", 2449], ["respective", 2503], ["jacket", 2511], ["jacketed", 2511], ["jackets", 2511], ["smooth", 2524], ["smoothed", 2524], ["presentable", 2555], ["parameter", 2566], ["parameters", 2566], ["much", 2586], ["say", 2610], ["sayest", 2610], ["engage", 2628], ["engaged", 2628], ["public", 2646], ["intimacy", 2655], ["intimacies", 2655], ["take", 2669], ["night", 2683], ["meta", 2690], ["otherwise", 2703], ["still", 2711], ["follow", 2730], ["followed", 2730], ["short", 2750], ["hall", 2755], ["suite", 2790], ["help", 2810], ["helpest", 2810], ["ask", 2818], ["bounce", 2839], ["bouncing", 2839], ["grin", 2870], ["grinned", 2870], ["shoulder", 2888], ["shouldered", 2888], ["turn", 2899], ["turned", 2899], ["face", 2907], ["walk", 2922], ["walking", 2922], ["backwards", 2932], ["towards", 2940], ["great", 2960], ["many", 2965], ["happen", 2979], ["say", 3000], ["sayest", 3000], ["said", 3000], ["place", 3010], ["placing", 3010], ["chest", 3033], ["vague", 3055], ["shape", 3061], ["shapes", 3061], ["form", 3068], ["formest", 3068], ["formed", 3068], ["memory", 3082], ["memories", 3082], ["need", 3093], ["needest", 3093], ["needed", 3093], ["energy", 3105], ["ghost", 3121], ["manifest", 3139], ["cross", 3180], ["crossing", 3180], ["crossed", 3180], ["veil", 3189], ["line", 3194], ["daemon", 3206], ["half", 3211], ["pay", 3221], ["pays", 3221], ["payest", 3221], ["paying", 3221], ["spade", 3235], ["spades", 3235], ["finally", 3243], ["instead", 3283], ["average", 3299], ["entire", 3343], ["lit", 3353], 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3935], ["eyes", 3935], ["spend", 3966], ["spends", 3966], ["spendest", 3966], ["spent", 3966], ["shift", 3983], ["cubical", 4007], ["alone", 4013], ["expensive", 4037], ["equipment", 4051], ["watch", 4071], ["tuck", 4092], ["tucked", 4092], ["tucking", 4092], ["casino", 4106], ["cage", 4120], ["catch", 4138], ["catches", 4138], ["catched", 4138], ["cheater", 4147], ["cheaters", 4147], ["try", 4154], ["tryed", 4154], ["trying", 4154], ["read", 4162], ["reads", 4162], ["dealer", 4174], ["dealers", 4174], ["card", 4180], ["cards", 4180], ["nudge", 4189], ["nudges", 4189], ["roulette", 4202], ["wheel", 4208], ["wheeled", 4208], ["favor", 4223], ["favorest", 4223], ["hotel", 4235], ["owner", 4241], ["simply", 4248], ["feel", 4259], ["threaten", 4270], ["threatened", 4270], ["ability", 4285], ["priority", 4314], ["beyond", 4321], ["protect", 4332], ["protectest", 4332], ["protecting", 4332], ["money", 4342], ["moneys", 4342], ["course", 4354], ["mr", 4357], ["fritz", 4364], ["may", 4370], 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content with taking measure of my nudity and my body 's curves , lucent said nothing for awhile more . finally he gave in , though . `` in due time , yes . lay on your back on the table , miss tanner . '' i moved my clothes to the floor , then took their place . sitting on the table , i swung my legs up , then lay down and stared at the ceiling . yes , this definitely reminded me of a doctor 's office . i was glad lucent did n't have stirrups , because that might 've been odd , and this was already kind of odd , so that just would n't work . `` what candle scent do you enjoy ? '' `` i like lilacs , '' i said . without even thinking , he strode towards a bookcase in the corner and retrieved some candles . stacking them on the smaller table near me , he put them into order . a white one , purple , pink , two greens , and a brown . quickly unscrewing the lids off of each candle , he set them into a circle . opening one of the drawers in the side of the table , he pulled out a specialty candle lighter and proceeded to ignite each wick , one by one . the smell of lilacs filled the room , slowly at first , let loose when lucent removed the tops from the candle jars , and then faster and more prominently as the flames melted the scented wax . belatedly , i realized that all of those candles were lilac scented , even though they were different colors . `` how many candles do you have ? '' `` i do n't keep track , '' he said with a shrug . `` i maintain a certain amount for each scent and color , but other than that i find it unnecessary to keep careful inventory of every one . if i need more , i order them . '' `` i do n't quite understand how any of this is a punishment , '' i said . `` ah , well ... '' he grinned and came up alongside me , placing his hands on my stomach and kneading my skin lightly beneath his fingers . `` as to that , i shall explain . '' i wanted to say something , but i could only nod . my stomach still felt tight and excited , and with the addition of lucent 's fingers , my body was beginning to wind up more and more , compressed like a spring but ready to leap up and let loose my eagerness at any moment . lucent slowly caressed along my stomach , teasing at my belly button . one of his hands roamed upwards towards my nak*d br**sts , while the other meandered downwards towards my pubic hair . `` first , '' lucent said , `` i shall cover your body in mineral oil , miss tanner . pharmaceutical grade , and extremely safe , though also extremely slippery . think of it like a massage oil , if you will . '' `` i do n't think a massage is punishment , '' i said . `` no , not really , '' he agreed . `` the oil is a necessity to insure that the wax comes off easily . otherwise we risk pulling out hair and causing unnecessary pain and stress . this is n't usually too much of a problem , to be honest , except when it comes to -- '' his fingers teased along my pubic hair , dancing down to my slit , and carefully spreading my labia . i gasped aloud and my hands grabbed at the edges of the table . gently , lucent pushed his finger inside of me . apparently not all of my body needed mineral oil ; some of me was quite slippery already . he kept going , not stopping like he had before at the club . all the way inside of me , in , further , his finger exploring my depths . playful and light , he rubbed along the roof of my p**sy , ever so close to my pleasure 's core . `` i like this , '' he said , brushing my pubic hair with his thumb . `` i believe i 'd enjoy shaving it off of you , too , though . not now , of course , but later . `` lucent , '' i panted . i intended to let him know that this was n't really any kind of punishment i disliked , but then i realized what i was about to say and stopped . if he wanted to punish me this way , who was i to complain ? he grinned at me , almost as if he knew my thoughts completely . `` as i was saying , '' he said . `` the oil acts as a slight deterrent to the melted wax . it makes the removal process easier in the long run , though it also increases the difficulty of some of my other plans . it 's better to err on the side of caution with that , though . '' i breathed hard , my body tensing at the pleasant feeling of his finger rubbing gently inside of me . and ... wait , what ? `` uh ... melted wax ? '' `` yes , miss tanner , '' he said . `` your punishment involves dripping hot , melted wax atop your body . ''

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but sally believed that your choices gave you the kind of life you eventually would lead . sally often wished that the good lives -- the well-lived lives with luck and love and health and charity -- could be saved and collected somewhere in the universe . she wished there was some kind of cosmic shellac that could be sprayed over our great moments , so they could be permanently exhibited in some metaphysical place , displayed as eternal reminders of what has been and can be . obviously , this nearly 2,000 year old woman from pompeii had one of her moments preserved and exhibited . but it was n't quite what sally had in mind . chapter twenty four they both welcomed the cool hydrofoil ride across the bay of naples as it took them from the death of pompeii to the life of capri . as they sailed closer to the island , they could see the nearby pink cliffs of the town of sorrento rise straight up from the sea . i can understand why they sing about coming back , ruth said as they went by . maybe on your next trip , we 'll come back , sally smiled . do you intend to stay in italy that long ! ? ruth asked in dismay . i 'm hoping you 'll be back that soon , sally responded affectionately . capri was waiting for them . the picture-book town square that fronted right on the water glistened in the sunlight . they were greeted by rows of small fishing boats , outdoor cafes , old stucco houses , narrow winding streets that climbed mysteriously into the steep rocky crags , and the most spectacular view of blue sky and water on all sides . from this distance they could see across the 18 miles to naples with mt . vesuvius looming like a sleeping cat before it perhaps leaped up once again suddenly and swiftly . they expected crowds on this small , five mile island with its two little villages . but it was quiet for the moment . so they luxuriated at a cafe overlooking the tiny harbor in the late afternoon light . why is everything they say about italy , that i find too good to be true , really true ? sally asked ruth . no wonder you wo n't come home , ruth said under the same spell . at that moment sally felt she never would return to the states . italy was becoming more and more natural to her . all of a sudden she had a flash of paolo in her mind 's eye . she felt as though they were half expecting him to amble up to them , walking his long-legged , confident walk . he 'd be wearing a crisp light blue cotton shirt with short sleeves and his healthy brown arms would invite stroking . a hint of his elegant chest would be seen at the open neck , and his custom-fitted summer trousers would pick up the slight bounce of life that ran up his thighs from his knees . wow , sally thought once she had shaken the illusion , where did that come from ? wherever it came from , for a short time it left her uncomfortable and a little dissatisfied in paradise . chapter twenty five ruth and sally could n't believe their luck . sight unseen they had reserved a room at a simple inexpensive inn . no matter what they wound up with , they reasoned , they 'd be out of their room all day anyway . instead , they were located in a low , white stucco pensione with a private balcony enclosed in white latticework , from which they could see the sea . well , we wo n't have to be in a hurry to go out for breakfast ! together they had three breathtaking days on the isle of capri . they climbed the steep hills to stand over the sea and breathe the swirling air that caressed their faces . they walked the steps through town , following crooked lanes to rows of shorefront houses built practically under rock , as narrow slices of water foamed almost to their front steps . they swam in the clear blue water off the pebbled beaches . they hired a horse and carriage to take them to the other side of the island , to the old palaces , vacation wonderlands even in ancient times . a fisherman guide took them in his boat to the famous blue grotto , a high , wide cave entered from the sea under the rock of capri itself . as the small boat came into the cave a miraculous transformation took place . the sound of the wind , birds , and boat motor stopped . it had the feeling of entering an empty cathedral from a busy , noisy street . there was an echo if someone spoke . they stopped speaking . the waves lapped softly at the cave 's entrance . sally felt as if she had passed from a secret chamber into a dream . the walls of the cave were -- -- blue ! of course , blue . but not water blue or heaven blue , but surrealistic blue , phosphorescent blue , liquid blue , bright blue , gem blue . unreal blue . this strange effect came from sunlight indirectly reflected against rocks that had a high blue content in them . and the color changed , with every wave and every shift in the clouds and sun .

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`` i was talking about the way you wanted to raise your kids . it seems like you 've given it a lot of thought . '' `` i have , '' he conceded . `` you always have a way of surprising me , do n't you . '' the more i 've gotten to know you , the more you 've come to strike me as impossibly well-adjusted . '' `` i could say the same about you , '' he responded . she stared at him , feeling the crackle of tension between them . he swallowed , hoping she could n't sense his feelings for her . `` that sounds great , '' he forced out . taking their wineglasses , they returned to the kitchen . gabby motioned for travis to sit at the table while she got things ready , and as he watched her move around the kitchen , he felt a sense of contentment settle upon him . at dinner , he ate two pieces of chicken , enjoyed the green beans and the pasta , and complimented gabby extravagantly on her cooking , until she giggled , begging him to stop . he asked her repeatedly about her childhood in savannah , and she finally relented , regaling him with a couple of girlhood stories that made them both chuckle . in time , the sky turned gray and blue and finally black . the candles burned lower , and they poured the last of the wine into their glasses , both aware that they were sitting across from a person who just might change the course of their lives forever if they were n't careful . after dinner was over and travis helped gabby clean up , they retreated to the couch , nursing their wine and sharing stories from their pasts . gabby tried to imagine travis as a young boy , wondering also what she would have thought about him had they met during her high school or college years . as the evening wore on , travis inched closer , casually slipping his arm around her . gabby leaned into him , feeling snug against him , content to watch the play of silver moonlight as it filtered through the clouds . travis asked at one point , breaking a particularly long yet comfortable silence . `` i was thinking how natural this whole weekend has seemed . '' gabby looked at him . `` like we 've known each other forever . '' `` i guess that means a couple of my stories were boring , huh ? '' `` do n't underestimate yourself , '' she teased . `` lots of your stories were boring . '' he laughed , pulling her tighter . `` the more i get to know you , the more you surprise me . `` what are neighbors for ? '' `` is that still all i am to you ? just a neighbor ? '' she glanced away without responding , and travis went on . `` i know it makes you uncomfortable , but i ca n't leave tonight without telling you that just being neighbors is n't enough for me . '' `` travis ... '' `` let me finish , okay ? '' `` earlier today , when we talked , you told me how much you 'd missed having friends around , and i 've been thinking about that ever since , but not in the way that you probably imagine . it made me realize that even though i have friends , i 've been missing something that all my friends do have . laird and allison , joe and megan , matt and liz , all have each other . i do n't have that in my life , and until you came along , i was n't sure i even wanted it . but now ... '' she picked at the beadwork on her shirt , resisting his words and yet welcoming them , too . `` i do n't want to lose you , gabby . i ca n't imagine seeing you walk to your car in the morning and pretending that none of this ever happened . i ca n't imagine not sitting here with you on the couch , like we 're doing now . '' `` and right now , i ca n't imagine being in love with any other woman . '' gabby was n't sure she 'd heard him right , but when she saw the way he was staring at her , she knew he meant it . and with that , she felt the last of her defenses falling away and knew she had fallen in love with him as well . the grandfather clock chimed in the background . candlelight flickered on the walls , casting shadows around the room . travis could sense the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she breathed , and they continued to stare at each other , neither one of them able to speak . the phone rang , shattering her thoughts , and travis turned away . gabby leaned forward and reached for the portable phone . she answered , her voice betraying nothing . `` oh , hey , how are you ? ... not much ... uh-huh ... i was running some errands ... ... what 's been going on there ? '' as she listened to kevin 's voice , a rush of guilt washed over her . yet she found herself reaching over and placing a hand on travis 's leg .

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i watched the shadow raise its spectral beer glass , the light making an amber glow in the shadow glass . `` sassenach , '' he said suddenly , putting down the glass , `` how many times , would ye say , have i come close to dying ? '' i stared at him for a moment , but then shrugged and began to reckon , mustering my synapses into reluctant activity . i do n't know what horrible things happened to you before i met you , but after ... well , you were dreadfully ill at the abbey . '' i glanced covertly at him , but he seemed not to be bothered at the thought of wentworth prison , and what had been done to him there that had caused the illness . and after culloden-you said you had a terrible fever then , from your wounds , and thought you might die , only jenny forced you-i mean , nursed you through it . '' `` and then laoghaire shot me , '' he said wryly . `` and you forced me through it . likewise , when the snake bit me . '' `` i had the smallpox when i was a wean , but i think i wasna in danger of dying then ; they said it was a light case . so only four times , then . '' `` what about the day i first met you ? '' `` you nearly bled to death . '' `` oh , i did not , '' he protested . `` that was no but a wee scratch . '' i lifted one brow at him , and leaning over to the hearth , scooped a ladle of aromatic stew into a bowl . it was rich with the juices of rabbit and venison , swimming in a thick gravy spiced with rosemary , garlic , and onion . so far as my tastebuds were concerned , all was forgiven . `` but wait-what about your head ? when dougal tried to kill you with an ax . surely that 's five ? '' he frowned , accepting the bowl . `` aye , i suppose you 're right , '' he said , seeming displeased . `` five , then . '' i regarded him gently over my own bowl of stew . he was very large , solid , and beautifully formed . and if he was a bit battered by circumstance , that merely added to his charm . `` you 're a very hard person to kill , i think , '' i said . `` that 's a great comfort to me . '' he smiled , reluctant , but then reached out and lifted his glass in salute , touching it first to his own lips , then to mine . `` we 'll drink to that , sassenach , shall we ? '' 14 people of the snowbird guns , '' bird-who-sings-in-the-morning said . `` tell your king we want guns . '' jamie suppressed the urge to reply , `` who does n't ? '' for a moment , but then gave in to it , surprising the war chief into a blink of startlement , followed by a grin . `` who , indeed ? '' bird was a short man , shaped like a barrel , and young for his office-but shrewd , his affability no disguise to his intelligence . `` they all tell you this , all the village war chiefs , eh ? jamie lifted one shoulder , let it fall . `` trade goods are certain , knives are likely-guns are possible , but i can not yet promise them . '' they were speaking a slightly unfamiliar dialect of cherokee , and he hoped he had got right the manner of indicating probability . he did well enough with the usual tongue in casual matters of trade and hunting , but the matters he dealt in here would not be casual . he glanced briefly at ian , who was listening closely , but evidently what he 'd said was all right . ian visited the villages near the ridge frequently , and hunted with the young men ; he shifted into the tongue of the tsalagi as easily as he did into his native gaelic . `` so , well enough . '' bird settled himself more comfortably . the pewter badge jamie had given him as a present glinted on his breast , firelight flickering over the broadly amiable planes of his face . `` tell your king about the guns-and tell him why we need them , eh ? '' `` you wish me to tell him that , do you ? do you think he will be willing to send you guns with which to kill his own people ? '' jamie asked dryly . the incursion of white settlers across the treaty line into the cherokee lands was a sore point , and he risked something by alluding to it directly , rather than addressing bird 's other needs for guns : to defend his village from raiders-or to go raiding himself . bird shrugged in reply . `` we can kill them without guns , if we want to . '' one eyebrow lifted a little , and bird 's lips pursed , waiting to see what jamie made of this statement . he supposed bird meant to shock him . you are wise enough not to . ''

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she smiled as her voice came out all quivery . he smiled back and squeezed her hand reassuringly . `` give me a chance to make you happy , serena . '' she cocked her head sideways to look at him . `` you know , somehow i ca n't imagine not being happy with you . '' he raised her hand and brushed his lips across her knuckles . `` it is my goal for you to enjoy our every moment together . '' she leaned back in her seat , hazy with contentment . damon did that to her . relaxed her and made her feel at ease . like she could trust him . which was absurd when she thought about it . she 'd known him such a short period of time , but he got her . without question , without reservation . he did n't judge her . he kept her hand in his lap for the duration of the drive . when he was n't stroking her fingers , he ran his fingertips up and down her wrist and up the inside of her arm . he was addicting , and the scary thing was that their relationship had yet to go beyond a simple touch , a light caress or a sizzling look . he could spell trouble for her in a big , big way if she was n't careful . he drove to the same restaurant they 'd had their first meeting at , and they were ushered back to the private dining room . at night , it took on a whole different atmosphere . the lighting was dim and more intimate . the drapes were drawn back from the large picture window , and the city skyline twinkled brightly on the horizon . `` i feel decidedly underdressed , '' she murmured ruefully as she looked down at her jeans and t-shirt . `` i 'm not wearing anything dressier , '' he reminded her . `` besides , we are alone , and there is no one to see us . '' her expression eased as she smiled . he made it so easy for her to relax and not worry about anything beyond the immediate moment . he settled her into her chair and then took the seat across from her . a waiter hovered close by , and damon ordered a bottle of wine . she sat back in her chair , holding her wineglass to her lips . `` you choose , '' she said softly . she knew it would please him to do so , and she did n't question her burning wish to accommodate his desires . damon related his choices to the waiter in a low voice , and in another moment , they were left alone . `` tell me more about yourself , '' she said as she set her glass back down on the table . `` i do n't even know what you do for a living . he gave a self-conscious grimace , and it was the first chink she 'd seen in the self-assured manner he always wore . `` i was fortunate at an early age to have gotten in on the ground floor with what turned out to be very lucrative stocks . i love a challenge , and so i buy struggling businesses and turn them around . '' `` and have you ever failed ? '' serena asked , though she already knew the answer . he stared levelly at her . `` what is your latest acquisition ? '' he tapped his fingers on the table , and an excited gleam entered his eyes . `` i picked up two chip mills farther east that were on the verge of bankruptcy . i fully expect to have them showing a profit in under a year 's time . it 's all in hiring the right people and making sound financial decisions . '' `` you sound much more cutthroat than i am when it comes to business , '' she said . `` i fully admit that i do n't always make the best business decisions and let my heart get ahead of my brain . carrie tells me that i 'm way too soft and that i 'll never wear brass balls . '' damon smiled as he leaned back in his chair to study her . `` and yet your business is profitable , you have no debt and you have happy clients . '' `` you 've been checking up on me again , '' she muttered . i just made sure it was a very thorough investigation . i 'm very curious as to how you ever got into this sort of business . i 've never known of another like it . '' she shrugged but could n't contain the bite of excitement that gripped her when she talked about her business and what inspired the idea behind it . `` it started off quite fanciful , actually . i 've always been somewhat of a dreamer . okay , a big dreamer . my mother used to swear that i spent ninety percent of my time with my head in the clouds . '' `` dreamers never die , '' damon said . `` that 's so true and such a lovely sentiment . at any rate , even at an early age , i loved to fulfill other people 's wishes .

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kelly had fed him a bullshit story about how he feared for travis and cammie 's safety . that he was well aware of eve 's history of mental illness and that she 'd gotten worse and he feared-as did walt-that she was a danger to not only herself but others . he played the sympathy card , commiserating with walt about his troubles with eve and expressing his regret over the loss of his wife , made worse when eve went off the deep end and kidnapped his children and how desperate he must be to get them back . and yes , it had been eve he 'd offered up , claiming he wanted her to get the help she needed from her caring stepfather and that once he was assured that eve was taken care of and he knew it was safe for the children to go back , they 'd meet and arrange for travis and cammie to return home with walt . complete and utter garbage . did they think him a fool ? he 'd researched the kellys and their do-gooder organization , kgi . it was a trap , no doubt inspired by eve 's lies and accusations . he was n't falling for it and now eve , the dumb bitch , had fallen right into his lap . she was making things far easier than he 'd even imagined . but she 'd never been that intelligent . but not smart . certainly no match for his superior intellect . and now he had her . now he 'd have what he most wanted . he 'd make her pay for all she 'd done . he 'd put her away and ensure no one ever believed her outrageous accusations . then , and only then , would he get his children back from the kellys . he had far more power than they would ever dream of having . money bought a lot of privilege . and it sure as hell bought protection . eve would have neither of those things , and by the time he was done with her , she 'd wish she 'd never crossed him . and he would hear an apology from those lips , right before he wrapped them around his dick . satisfied that , for now , cammie and travis would wait , he climbed into his car , his focus on his immediate goal . a rush invaded his veins at the thought of her at his utter mercy . he 'd enjoy every single moment . well , he doubted she 'd enjoy it as much as he would . he wanted her to suffer . he would n't be as easy on her as he was on her pathetically weak mother . her killing had been too easy . no challenge whatsoever . eve , on the other hand , had proven to be more of a challenge than he 'd imagined . he 'd underestimated her once . he would n't kill her because , as with her mother , that would be too easy . and pay she would . he wanted him to be what she saw when she closed her eyes . what she dreamed . and know that there was no escape . that her fate was solidly in his hands . with a satisfied smirk , he pulled out of the area that had provided cover for his vehicle-a rental that could n't be traced back to him-and fell in behind the jeep . she was being careful . not speeding . no , she would n't want to draw undue attention to herself or risk being pulled over by the police , and that would n't fit his plans at all . he had no desire to involve the law . not where he had no influence and power . an abandoned vehicle . it would appear as though she wrecked and then ran . and then he 'd make his meeting with donovan kelly and he 'd play by donovan 's rules . after eve was taken care of and was in a place where she would n't be discovered , no record of her whatsoever , he 'd return for his children . eve would simply disappear . another person lost in the system . an unexplained disappearance blamed on the fact that she was on the run and mentally ill . the kellys would likely investigate , but even they would n't be successful in uncovering her whereabouts . and with her out of the picture for good , there was nothing to stop walt from reclaiming his children . travis would also pay for his part in aiding eve , but he would be brought to heel with the threat of cammie . he would n't do anything that would cause her harm . in that , he and eve were alike . a product of their weak , mindless mother . but cammie was younger and more easily molded into what walt wanted . and when travis was older and less manageable , well , tragedy would strike the breckenridge family once more . travis would succumb to the same mental illness that eve had been diagnosed with . an unfortunate hereditary trait passed to them from their mother . and then he and cammie would be alone , and he 'd mold her into the perfect daughter . chapter 34 rusty breathed a huge sigh of relief when she heard a noise from the rear of the store .

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the people were n't as easy to win over . she might have succeeded , but she got pregnant within their first year of marriage and was sickly through most of the pregnancy . she died before the people knew her - or she them . '' hadia put her coffee down and looked up , revealing sadness in her eyes . `` it was , in more than one way . my son , amir , took her death hard . he was angry with himself , with the people who did n't mourn her - even turned against his faith for a time . amir could n't bear to be with rachid in the beginning . he said it was too painful . sometimes i think that rachid has spent his whole life paying the price for a tragedy that was not his fault . '' `` is that why rachid was sent away to school ? '' zhang 's heart broke for the little boy who 'd lost everything and for the man who somehow blamed himself . shrugging one shoulder slightly , hadia said , `` amir said it was because he wanted to bring technology to najriad . his reasoning was sound , but i never agreed with the decision . rachid was sent away at only eight years old , too young to be on his own . he should have at least brought him home each summer , but he did n't . he remarried , and perhaps it was easier for all to have rachid out of the picture . i love my son , but amir should have called rachid home when ghalil was born . raising one son here and sending one son away has kept them strangers to each other . strangers make easy adversaries . ghalil has never had to compete for his father 's love , and everyone believed that he would become king one day . '' `` even though rachid was the eldest ? '' `` in najriad , a ruling sheikh is chosen by his family . lineage is important , but amir could pass his title on to a brother or a cousin as easily as he could to his children . '' `` did rachid consider turning the title down ? '' the people do n't know or trust him . i 've seen him struggle to express himself in arabic . it ca n't be easy for him to try to prove himself worthy . '' `` then why accept it ? he has a successful life outside of najriad . his brother could become king and it seems that they would both be happier . '' anger surfaced for the loyalty rachid had shown a country that thus far did n't appreciate the sacrifices he 'd made for it . hadia took another sip of her coffee and said , `` amir chose rachid . as far as i know , rachid has only said no to his father one time . '' zhang raised an eyebrow in question . amir 's original plan involved tossing you to the proverbial wolves , but rachid would n't hear of it . '' she watched zhang closely as she said , `` he cares about you . '' the news rocked zhang 's composure . rachid had defied his father ? `` he 's only marrying me for political reasons . '' she clung to a theory that was becoming more and more difficult to believe . hadia smiled gently . he was offered another option that would have satisfied his father and his country , but he would n't allow you to be publicly disgraced . '' uncomfortable with a topic that threatened to make her question the path she had set for herself , zhang said , `` why are you telling me this ? '' `` because your words say you will marry my grandson , but your eyes tell a different story . '' zhang answered stiffly while pretending to watch the people who passed by the window . `` i am marrying rachid on saturday . '' hadia asked . zhang hedged , `` does anyone know what tomorrow holds ? '' `` they do if they have already outlined it in their heart . '' we finally come to why you wanted to see me today . turning to look hadia in the eye again , zhang asked , `` what do you want from me , hadia ? '' `` i want my grandson to finally be happy . you think he needs this wedding to save his country , but he could easily have not married you . '' she leaned forward and said earnestly , `` i know rachid . when he promises you forever , he 'll mean it . zhang 's heart pounded in her chest . she wanted to tell hadia that none of this was her business , but it was impossible to look into those wise old eyes and do anything but tell her the truth . she whispered , `` rachid wants to control me . '' hadia suddenly looked amused . `` they all try , zhang . would you really want a man who whimpered at your feet at the first sign of your displeasure ? what fun would that man be in bed ? '' zhang flushed a deep red . hadia touched her hand lightly .

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just ... let me find something ... . '' she opened the simon/baz folder on her desktop and scrolled through it , looking for something suitable . or dirty . maybe ... yeah . this one 'll do . `` all right , '' she said , `` you know how , in the sixth book- '' `` which one is that ? '' `` simon snow and the six white hares . '' `` right , i 've seen that movie . '' `` okay , so simon stays at school during christmas break because he 's trying to find the fifth hare . '' `` and because his dad has been kidnapped by monsters in creepy costumes-so no happy christmas dinner at the snow house . '' `` they 're called the queen 's ogres , '' cath said . `` and simon still does n't know that the mage is his dad . '' `` how can he not know ? '' levi demanded . cath was encouraged by how indignant he sounded . why does the mage show up every time something important happens and get all weepy , talking about how 'he knew a woman once with simon 's eyes- ' '' `` i know , '' cath said , `` it 's lame , but i think simon wants so badly for the mage to be his dad that he wo n't let himself accept the overwhelming evidence . if he were wrong , it would ruin him . '' `` basil knows , '' levi said . `` oh , baz totally knows . i think penelope knows , too . '' `` penelope bunce . '' `` if i were simon , i 'd be all-penelope , all the time . '' `` ech . she 's like a sister to him . '' `` not like any of my sisters . '' `` anyway , '' cath said . `` this story takes place during that christmas break . '' `` okay , '' levi said , `` got it . '' he closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall , holding cath 's pillow . cath turned to the computer and cleared her throat . ( then felt stupid about clearing her throat . ) then glanced back at levi one more time . she could n't believe she was doing this ... . was she really doing this ? `` if you keep pacing like that , '' baz said , `` i 'm going to curse your feet into the floorboards . '' he was thinking about the clues he 'd found so far , trying to see a pattern ... the rabbit-shaped stone in the ritual tower , the stained glass hare in the cathedral , the sigil on the drawbridge- `` snow ! '' baz shouted . a spell book sailed past simon 's nose . simon asked , genuinely surprised . flying books and curses were fair game in the hallways and classrooms and , well , everywhere else . but if baz tried to hurt him inside their room- '' the roommate 's anathema , '' simon said . `` you 'll be expelled . '' `` which is why i missed . i know the rules , '' baz muttered , rubbing his eyes . `` did you know , snow , that if your roommate dies during the school year , they give you top marks , just out of sympathy ? '' `` that 's a myth , '' simon said . `` lucky for you i 'm already getting top marks . '' simon stopped pacing to really look at his roommate . normally he liked to pretend that baz was n't here . normally , baz was n't here . unless he was spying or plotting , baz hated to be in their room . he said it smelled like good intentions . but baz had hardly left the room in the last two weeks . simon had n't seen him in the caf or at football , he 'd seemed drawn and distracted in class , and his school shirts-usually pressed and bright white-were looking as manky as simon 's . `` because he 's a vampire , simon ! '' levi interjected . `` in this story , '' cath said , `` simon does n't know that yet . '' levi shouted at her laptop . `` and he 's hunting you ! he stays up all night , watching you sleep , trying to decide whether to eat you whole or one chunk at a time . '' `` simon ca n't hear you , '' cath said . levi sat back , hugging the pillow again . `` they are kind of gay , are n't they ? what with all the watching each other sleep ... and the ignoring penelope . '' `` they 're obsessed with each other , '' cath said , as if this were one of life 's absolute givens . `` simon spends the entire fifth book following baz around and describing his eyes . it 's like a thesaurus entry for 'gray . ' '' `` i do n't know , '' levi said . `` it 's hard for me to get my head around . it 's like hearing that harry potter is gay . or encyclopedia brown . '' that made cath laugh out loud .

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["sister", 1419], ["sisters", 1419], ["anyway", 1434], ["story", 1465], ["take", 1471], ["takes", 1471], ["place", 1477], ["get", 1542], ["got", 1542], ["close", 1560], ["closed", 1560], ["eye", 1569], ["eyed", 1569], ["eyes", 1569], ["lean", 1580], ["leans", 1580], ["leaned", 1580], ["back", 1585], ["wall", 1602], ["hold", 1612], ["holding", 1612], ["pillow", 1627], ["turn", 1641], ["turned", 1641], ["computer", 1657], ["clear", 1669], ["clearest", 1669], ["cleared", 1669], ["throat", 1680], ["feel", 1694], ["felt", 1694], ["stupid", 1701], ["clear", 1716], ["clearest", 1716], ["glance", 1744], ["glanced", 1744], ["believe", 1795], ["really", 1835], ["keep", 1863], ["keepest", 1863], ["pace", 1870], ["go", 1910], ["goest", 1910], ["going", 1910], ["curse", 1919], ["cursed", 1919], ["foot", 1929], ["feet", 1929], ["floorboard", 1950], ["think", 1971], ["thinkest", 1971], ["thinking", 1971], ["clue", 1987], ["clues", 1987], ["find", 1999], ["found", 1999], ["far", 2006], ["see", 2022], ["pattern", 2032], ["rabbit", 2047], ["shape", 2054], ["shapes", 2054], ["shaped", 2054], ["stone", 2060], ["stoning", 2060], ["ritual", 2074], ["tower", 2080], ["towered", 2080], ["towerest", 2080], ["glass", 2100], ["cathedral", 2122], ["sigil", 2134], ["shout", 2178], ["shouted", 2178], ["spelt", 2188], ["spell", 2188], ["book", 2193], ["sail", 2200], ["sailed", 2200], ["past", 2205], ["nose", 2219], ["nosed", 2219], ["nosing", 2219], ["ask", 2233], ["asked", 2233], ["genuinely", 2245], ["fly", 2264], ["flys", 2264], ["flying", 2264], ["book", 2270], ["books", 2270], ["curse", 2281], ["cursed", 2281], ["curses", 2281], ["fair", 2291], ["fairs", 2291], ["fairest", 2291], ["game", 2296], ["hallway", 2312], ["hallways", 2312], ["classroom", 2327], ["classrooms", 2327], ["well", 2338], ["wells", 2338], ["everywhere", 2351], ["else", 2356], ["try", 2375], ["tryed", 2375], ["tried", 2375], ["hurt", 2383], ["hurts", 2383], ["hurting", 2383], ["inside", 2394], ["roommate", 2422], ["anathema", 2434], ["expel", 2475], ["expelled", 2475], ["miss", 2505], ["missed", 2505], ["rule", 2524], ["rules", 2524], ["mutter", 2542], ["mutterest", 2542], ["muttering", 2542], ["muttered", 2542], ["rub", 2552], ["rubbing", 2552], ["die", 2615], ["dies", 2615], ["year", 2638], ["give", 2650], ["top", 2658], ["mark", 2664], ["marks", 2664], ["sympathy", 2687], ["myth", 2710], ["lucky", 2737], ["already", 2758], ["get", 2766], ["getting", 2766], ["stop", 2795], ["stopped", 2795], ["look", 2817], ["normally", 2844], ["like", 2853], ["liked", 2853], ["pretend", 2864], ["pretendest", 2864], ["unless", 2925], ["unlesss", 2925], ["spy", 2939], ["spying", 2939], ["hate", 2963], ["hateed", 2963], ["hated", 2963], ["room", 2983], ["roomed", 2983], ["smell", 3004], ["smelt", 3004], ["smellest", 3004], ["smelled", 3004], ["good", 3014], ["intention", 3025], ["intentions", 3025], ["hardly", 3046], ["left", 3051], ["leave", 3051], ["last", 3072], ["two", 3076], ["twos", 3076], ["week", 3082], ["weeks", 3082], ["caf", 3118], ["football", 3133], ["seem", 3148], ["seeming", 3148], ["seemed", 3148], ["draw", 3154], ["draws", 3154], ["drawn", 3154], ["distract", 3169], ["distracted", 3169], ["class", 3178], ["classing", 3178], ["classest", 3178], ["shirt", 3202], ["shirts", 3202], ["usually", 3210], ["press", 3218], ["pressed", 3218], ["bright", 3229], ["brights", 3229], ["manky", 3257], ["vampire", 3298], ["interject", 3328], ["yet", 3396], ["laptop", 3428], ["hunt", 3451], ["hunting", 3451], ["huntest", 3451], ["night", 3479], ["watch", 3490], ["watching", 3490], ["slept", 3500], ["sleep", 3500], ["sleeps", 3500], ["sleepest", 3500], ["decide", 3519], ["whether", 3527], ["eat", 3534], ["whole", 3544], ["wholes", 3544], ["chunk", 3557], ["chunked", 3557], ["ca", 3584], ["cas", 3584], ["hear", 3593], ["hears", 3593], ["sat", 3623], ["sit", 3623], ["hug", 3638], ["hugging", 3638], ["kind", 3674], ["gay", 3681], ["ignore", 3763], ["ignoring", 3763], ["obsess", 3798], ["obsessed", 3798], ["life", 3859], ["lifes", 3859], ["absolute", 3871], ["givens", 3878], ["spend", 3896], ["spends", 3896], ["spendest", 3896], ["entire", 3907], ["follow", 3928], ["following", 3928], ["around", 3939], ["describe", 3954], ["describing", 3954], ["thesaurus", 3988], ["entry", 3994], ["gray", 4004], ["grays", 4004], ["hard", 4059], ["head", 4081], ["hear", 4109], ["hears", 4109], ["hearing", 4109], ["harry", 4120], ["harried", 4120], ["potter", 4127], ["encyclopedia", 4152], ["brown", 4158], ["browns", 4158], ["laugh", 4184], ["loud", 4193]]

maebry peered up the aisle , her stomach dropping at the sight of gemma looking like a deer staring at the business end of a hunting rifle . only one man could bring on that panicked look . the bell above the door chimed like a musical death knell . a man entered the door and swept off his bowler , his gaze arrowing straight to gemma . `` why , do n't you look beautiful today , my lady ? like a breath of spring . '' welcome to my family 's store . '' like a soldier ready to dash into enemy fire , gemma straightened her shoulders , lifted her chin a notch and marched forward , her petticoats snapping . `` what do you need today ? '' `` i 'm not quite happy with my usual kind of tea . '' lawrence 's tenor held a note of adoration as he splayed his hands on the front counter , settling in like a man intending to stay awhile . `` perhaps you could suggest something new ? '' poor gemma , maebry thought as she peered between the shelves . at least she was safe from him now that she was officially off the market , thanks to gil . she studied the section of coffee beans , debating . she 'd better bake him some more cookies in gratitude . the bell above the entrance chimed again . this time , little tingles shivered down maebry 's neck . her heart opened the way a rose in springtime did , always blooming , always maturing . she peered between the shelves again , eager to drink in the sight of the big , strong cowboy moseying his way toward her with the confident strike of his boots . spotting her , he winked , his grin dominating his face , carving pleasant little crinkles around his adoring eyes . she breathed his name , felt the impact of it in her soul . `` got a note from nate to drop by his office and see him . '' gil strolled around the end of the aisle . oh , he looked good . tanned from the sun , rugged from the demanding work on the ranch , relaxed , as if he did n't have a single worry . she nearly dropped the ten pound burlap sack of coffee beans she 'd reached for . luckily gil leaned in , stole it from her and grabbed her free hand . `` he heard from maureen 's heirs . '' `` the granddaughters . '' maebry nearly stumbled . she 'd gone numb all over , weak in the knees . `` the mcphee sisters . '' `` yes , they sent a telegram . very thoughtful of them , considering . '' he held up the bag of coffee beans to gemma so she could tally it in her book and opened the door . she stepped through it , the blood in her veins jumping all over the place . so anxious , her feet did n't seem to be working properly . somehow she stumbled onto the boardwalk , into the sweet caress of warm sunshine and the fresh , temperate breeze . `` they want me to move to chicago , do n't they ? she blew out a breath , wished she did n't feel lightheaded . maybe she 'd like chicago . she was glad for gil 's towering presence beside her . instead , he ambled over to the railing , pitched the coffee bag gently into the back of the waiting wagon ( yes , it had been freed from the mud mire by some of the ranch hands ) . phil switched his tail , gave an annoyed nicker at being ignored , because gil turned away from him , reaching for maebry , holding her hands gently in his own . joy flickered in his bright blue eyes . his grin widened , dimples bracketed his mouth . `` there will be no chicago . you get to stay right here . '' `` in bluebell ? '' she blinked , disbelieving , shaking her head , wanting to jump up and down . are they coming here to the ranch ? '' `` i do n't know , that was n't mentioned . just your contract . i have more good news . '' the rumble of gil 's laughter said everything . bright , jubilant , full of bliss . `` nate wrote to them about you , of course , and suggested that they forgive the debt . they agreed to it , maebry . '' surely she had n't heard him right . who would n't want a free servant to cook and clean for them ? she shook her head , saw that he was still grinning , that she had n't imagined it . `` you 're not teasing me , are you ? you mean that they 've let me go , that i 'm f-free ? '' even saying the word felt like a release . gil was nodding , his happiness told her it was true , it was just so hard to process . her life was really her own ? joy burst through her , a state of rapturous happiness that she 'd never known before . `` it 's really over . '' what glorious , wonderful words . i mean , i can do anything i want .

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["ready", 475], ["dash", 483], ["enemy", 494], ["fire", 499], ["straighten", 520], ["straightened", 520], ["shoulder", 534], ["shouldered", 534], ["shoulders", 534], ["lift", 543], ["lifted", 543], ["chin", 552], ["notch", 560], ["notched", 560], ["notches", 560], ["notchest", 560], ["notching", 560], ["march", 572], ["marching", 572], ["marched", 572], ["forward", 580], ["forwardest", 580], ["forwarding", 580], ["petticoat", 597], ["petticoats", 597], ["snap", 606], ["snapping", 606], ["need", 628], ["needest", 628], ["quite", 657], ["happy", 663], ["usual", 677], ["kind", 682], ["tea", 689], ["teas", 689], ["lawrence", 703], ["tenor", 712], ["hold", 717], ["held", 717], ["note", 724], ["adoration", 737], ["splay", 751], ["splayed", 751], ["hand", 761], ["hands", 761], ["front", 774], ["counter", 782], ["settle", 793], ["settling", 793], ["intend", 817], ["intendest", 817], ["intending", 817], ["stay", 825], ["awhile", 832], ["perhaps", 845], ["suggest", 863], ["new", 877], ["poor", 887], ["think", 910], ["thinkest", 910], ["thought", 910], ["shelf", 944], ["shelves", 944], ["least", 955], ["leastest", 955], ["safe", 968], ["safes", 968], ["safed", 968], ["officially", 1005], ["market", 1020], ["thank", 1029], ["thanks", 1029], ["thankest", 1029], ["study", 1050], ["studied", 1050], ["section", 1062], ["sectioning", 1062], ["coffee", 1072], ["bean", 1078], ["beaning", 1078], ["beans", 1078], ["debate", 1089], ["debating", 1089], ["well", 1105], ["better", 1105], ["bake", 1110], ["baked", 1110], ["bakes", 1110], ["baking", 1110], ["cookie", 1132], ["cookied", 1132], ["cookies", 1132], ["gratitude", 1145], ["entrance", 1175], ["entrancing", 1175], ["time", 1200], ["little", 1209], ["tingle", 1217], ["tingles", 1217], ["shiver", 1226], ["shivering", 1226], ["shivered", 1226], ["neck", 1246], ["necked", 1246], ["heart", 1258], ["open", 1265], ["opened", 1265], ["way", 1273], ["ways", 1273], ["rose", 1280], ["springtime", 1294], ["always", 1307], ["bloom", 1316], ["blooms", 1316], ["bloomed", 1316], ["blooming", 1316], ["mature", 1334], ["maturing", 1334], ["eager", 1381], ["drank", 1390], ["drink", 1390], ["drinking", 1390], ["big", 1414], ["bigs", 1414], ["strong", 1423], ["cowboy", 1430], ["cowboys", 1430], ["mosey", 1439], ["moseyed", 1439], ["moseying", 1439], ["toward", 1454], ["confident", 1477], ["strike", 1484], ["boot", 1497], ["boots", 1497], ["spot", 1508], ["spotting", 1508], ["wink", 1524], ["winks", 1524], ["winkest", 1524], ["winked", 1524], ["grin", 1535], ["dominate", 1546], ["dominating", 1546], ["face", 1555], ["carve", 1565], ["carving", 1565], ["pleasant", 1574], ["crinkle", 1590], ["crinkles", 1590], ["around", 1597], ["adore", 1609], ["adores", 1609], ["adoring", 1609], ["eye", 1614], ["eyed", 1614], ["eyes", 1614], ["breathes", 1629], ["breathed", 1629], ["name", 1638], ["feel", 1645], ["felt", 1645], ["impact", 1656], ["soul", 1674], ["get", 1683], ["got", 1683], ["nate", 1700], ["nates", 1700], ["drop", 1708], ["office", 1722], ["see", 1730], ["stroll", 1752], ["strollest", 1752], ["strolled", 1752], ["oh", 1785], ["look", 1797], ["looked", 1797], ["good", 1802], ["tan", 1811], ["tanned", 1811], ["sun", 1824], ["suns", 1824], ["sunned", 1824], ["rugged", 1833], ["rugging", 1833], ["demand", 1852], ["demandest", 1852], ["demanding", 1852], ["work", 1857], ["wrought", 1857], ["ranch", 1870], ["single", 1913], ["worry", 1919], ["worried", 1919], ["nearly", 1932], ["drop", 1940], ["dropped", 1940], ["ten", 1948], ["pound", 1954], ["burlap", 1961], ["burlaps", 1961], ["sack", 1966], ["reach", 1997], ["reached", 1997], ["luckily", 2011], ["lean", 2022], ["leans", 2022], ["leaned", 2022], ["steal", 2033], ["stole", 2033], ["grab", 2057], ["grabbed", 2057], ["free", 2066], ["hand", 2071], ["hear", 2085], ["hears", 2085], ["heard", 2085], ["maureen", 2098], ["heir", 2107], ["heirs", 2107], ["granddaughter", 2134], ["granddaughters", 2134], ["stumble", 2162], ["stumbled", 2162], ["go", 2176], ["goest", 2176], ["gone", 2176], ["numb", 2181], ["numbs", 2181], ["numbed", 2181], ["numbest", 2181], ["weak", 2197], ["knee", 2210], ["knees", 2210], ["sister", 2234], ["sisters", 2234], ["yes", 2246], ["send", 2258], ["sent", 2258], ["telegram", 2269], ["telegrams", 2269], ["thoughtful", 2287], ["consider", 2309], ["considering", 2309], ["bag", 2333], ["bagged", 2333], ["bagging", 2333], ["tally", 2377], ["tallied", 2377], ["tallying", 2377], ["book", 2392], ["step", 2426], ["stepped", 2426], ["blood", 2449], ["bloods", 2449], ["blooded", 2449], ["vein", 2462], ["veins", 2462], ["jump", 2470], ["jumps", 2470], ["jumping", 2470], ["place", 2489], ["anxious", 2502], ["anxiousest", 2502], ["foot", 2513], ["feet", 2513], ["seem", 2526], ["seeming", 2526], ["work", 2540], ["wrought", 2540], ["working", 2540], ["properly", 2549], ["somehow", 2559], ["onto", 2577], ["ontos", 2577], ["boardwalk", 2591], ["sweet", 2608], ["caress", 2615], ["warm", 2623], ["sunshine", 2632], ["fresh", 2646], ["freshest", 2646], ["temperate", 2658], ["temperatest", 2658], ["breeze", 2665], ["breezing", 2665], ["move", 2691], ["chicago", 2702], ["blew", 2727], ["blow", 2727], ["blowest", 2727], ["wish", 2749], ["wished", 2749], ["feel", 2766], ["maybe", 2786], ["glad", 2821], ["tower", 2841], ["towered", 2841], ["towerest", 2841], ["towering", 2841], ["presence", 2850], ["beside", 2857], ["instead", 2871], ["amble", 2883], ["ambled", 2883], ["railing", 2903], ["pitch", 2913], ["pitched", 2913], ["gently", 2935], ["back", 2949], ["wait", 2964], ["waitest", 2964], ["waiting", 2964], ["wagon", 2970], ["free", 2996], ["freed", 2996], ["mud", 3009], ["mire", 3014], ["phil", 3050], ["switch", 3059], ["switching", 3059], ["switched", 3059], ["tail", 3068], ["tailed", 3068], ["give", 3075], ["gave", 3075], ["nicker", 3093], ["nickering", 3093], ["ignore", 3110], ["ignored", 3110], ["turn", 3131], ["turned", 3131], ["away", 3136], ["reach", 3156], ["reaching", 3156], ["hold", 3177], ["holding", 3177], ["joy", 3211], ["joys", 3211], ["joyed", 3211], ["bright", 3235], ["brights", 3235], ["blue", 3240], ["widen", 3264], ["widened", 3264], ["dimple", 3274], ["dimples", 3274], ["bracket", 3284], ["bracketed", 3284], ["mouth", 3294], ["mouthed", 3294], ["get", 3334], ["right", 3348], ["rightest", 3348], ["bluebell", 3373], ["blink", 3390], ["blinked", 3390], ["disbelieve", 3405], ["disbelieved", 3405], ["disbelieving", 3405], ["shake", 3415], ["shaking", 3415], ["head", 3424], ["jump", 3442], ["jumps", 3442], ["come", 3472], ["coming", 3472], ["know", 3512], ["knowest", 3512], ["mention", 3537], ["mentioned", 3537], ["contract", 3558], ["contractest", 3558], ["news", 3582], ["newses", 3582], ["rumble", 3598], ["rumbles", 3598], ["laughter", 3617], ["say", 3622], ["sayest", 3622], ["said", 3622], ["everything", 3633], ["jubilant", 3653], ["full", 3660], ["bliss", 3669], ["write", 3685], ["writing", 3685], ["wrote", 3685], ["course", 3715], ["suggest", 3731], ["suggested", 3731], ["forgive", 3749], ["forgived", 3749], ["forgiving", 3749], ["debt", 3758], ["agree", 3772], ["agreed", 3772], ["surely", 3799], ["servant", 3863], ["cook", 3871], ["clean", 3881], ["cleans", 3881], ["shake", 3902], ["shook", 3902], ["see", 3917], ["saw", 3917], ["still", 3935], ["grin", 3944], ["imagine", 3972], ["imagined", 3972], ["teasing", 4000], ["mean", 4024], ["meanest", 4024], ["let", 4042], ["lets", 4042], ["go", 4048], ["goest", 4048], ["f", 4062], ["fs", 4062], ["ves", 4062], ["even", 4077], ["evens", 4077], ["say", 4084], ["sayest", 4084], ["saying", 4084], ["word", 4093], ["release", 4113], ["nod", 4131], ["happiness", 4147], ["tell", 4152], ["told", 4152], ["true", 4168], ["hard", 4190], ["process", 4201], ["life", 4212], ["lifes", 4212], ["really", 4223], ["burst", 4243], ["bursted", 4243], ["state", 4265], ["rapturous", 4278], ["never", 4306], ["know", 4312], ["knowest", 4312], ["known", 4312], ["glorious", 4361], ["wonderful", 4373], ["word", 4379], ["words", 4379], ["anything", 4408]]

`` i do n't remember any fire . '' `` tell me what happened , '' eva asked gently , holding lexi 's hand . lexi lay back , feeling as if her soul had been scooped out of her body with a ragged blade . if she could have willed herself into nonexistence , she would have . please god , let him be okay . how could she live otherwise ? how could she live without mia ? * * * jude stood beside the gurney , holding mia 's hand . she knew there was commotion going on all around her : people coming and going , the team members talking about `` the harvest '' as if jude were deaf . there was a boy that desperately needed mia 's strong , loving heart , only a year younger than her daughter , and another boy who dreamed of playing baseball ... a mother of four who was dying of kidney failure and just wanted to be strong enough to walk to school with her children . the stories were heartbreaking and should have comforted jude . she 'd always cared about things like that . let miles find peace in these donations . neither did they upset or offend her . there was nothing inside of her but pain ; she kept it trapped inside , behind pursed lips . god help her if she started screaming . at her back , she heard a door open and she knew who it was . miles had brought zach to say good-bye to his twin sister . it was the four of them now , just the family . all those doctors and specialists were outside , waiting . `` something 's wrong with mia , '' zach said . `` i ca n't feel her . '' miles went pale at that . `` mia ... did n't survive , zach , '' miles said at last . jude knew she should go to her son , be there for him , but she could n't make herself let go of mia 's hand , could n't move . if she let go , mia would be gone , and the idea of that loss was overwhelming , so she held it away . `` she d-died ? '' `` they did everything they could . her injuries were too extensive . '' zach started ripping the bandages off his eyes . `` i need to see her- '' miles pulled their son into an embrace . `` do n't do that , '' he said , and by the end of his breath , they were both crying . we knew you 'd want to say good-bye . '' he led their burned , bandaged son to the gurney , where his sister lay strapped down , her body covered in white and kept alive by wheeled machines . zach felt for his sister 's hand and held it . as always , they came together like puzzle pieces . he bowed forward , let his bandaged head rest on his sister 's chest . he whispered the nickname from their babyhood , `` me-my ... , '' and said something jude did n't understand ; probably it was a word from long ago , forgotten until now , a word from the twin language that was theirs alone . it had always been zach chattering back then , talking for his sister ... and it was that way again . behind them , someone knocked on the door . miles took his son by the shoulders , eased him back from the gurney . `` they have to take her now , son . '' `` do n't put her in the dark , '' zach said in a hoarse voice . `` i 'm not really the one who was afraid . `` she did n't want anyone to know . '' at that little reminder of who they were , who they 'd been-the twins-jude felt the last tiny bit of courage crumble away . do n't put her in the dark . jude squeezed mia 's hand tightly , clinging to her daughter for as long as she possibly could . miles and zach came up around her , reached out . they held one another upright , the three of them , the family that was left . the knock at the door came again . `` jude , '' miles said , his face wet with tears . jude knew what she had to do , what they all were waiting for . she 'd rather cut out her own heart . she let go of her daughter 's hand and stepped back . thirteen jude crouched in the hallway near the or door . at some point , she 'd lost her footing and fallen to the cold linoleum floor , and she stayed there , her face pressed to the wall . she could hear people coming and going around her , rushing from one trauma to the next . sometimes they stopped and talked to her . she looked up into their faces-frowning and compassionate and a little distracted-and she tried to understand whatever it was they were saying , but she could n't . her whole body shook with cold and her vision was cloudy and she could n't hear anything except the reluctant beating of her heart .

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dad smiles and says , `` ahh , ruski ! '' then he looks at me and says , `` nije hrvatskom , ali on je okay . '' then he leans forward as if nik is n't there and whispers loudly , `` but ruski are communists , tina . '' oh my god , dad ! i did not miss my father embarrassing me at all . luckily , i hear nik chuckle and he asks me , `` is there a problem ? you looked anxious when i got here . '' but it 's my dad that answers a heavily accented , `` big problem , niki . so big problem . the man try see tina , she no want to see him . he call me today . '' nik brow furrows as he asks , `` which man ? '' i start , `` tata , nemoj ! '' but it 's too late , dad blurts out , `` the f**k bastard , jess ! '' dad ca n't say jace properly . nik turns to me , his eye twitches and he repeats , `` jace ? as in , that jace ? '' i do n't normally swear but this is an oh , shit moment ! nik looks about ready to kill someone , namely jace , and dad seems to like this because he 's smiling like a loon . i 'm just about to answer when someone walks into the doorframe and i freeze . jace weathers looks into the open apartment and freezes , too . i choke out , `` jace , what are you doing here ? '' nik steps forward to stand next to me . jace looks from nik to me to dad and greets , `` hi . it 's been a long time , tina . '' you do n't say ? ! jace still looks good , a little more mature looking but still tall and handsome . he looks at dad and says in greeting , `` marko . '' then he looks at nik and says , `` i 'm jace . '' he holds out his hand for nik to shake . i do n't want nik to get arrested for assault so i quickly take nik 's hand and squeeze it . nik utters , `` i know who you are . i just do n't know who you think you are to come here today . '' i jump back in fright when jace is pushed in the back . he flies forward into the apartment and there stands a fuming nat behind him yelling , `` get out you fucker , you are n't welcome here ! '' nat stalks in followed by mimi , lola , trick , ghost , and max . i ask a shrill , `` what is everyone doing here ? ! '' nat looks at me and says , `` your dad called me . i left dinner and called for backup . '' dad storms over to nat , kisses her cheek and puts an arm around her shoulder . dad loves nat . they have the similar abrupt personality and bond over it . my face falls and i ask , `` you left your date for me ? honey , you should n't have done that . '' she smiles and pats my hand , `` do n't worry , i 'll reschedule . '' jace stands , straightening his jacket . he looks at nik and says loudly , `` i 'm the father of tina 's child . that 's who i know i am . '' nat is the first to react . she steps forward and whispers , `` you dare call yourself that ? '' i look at jace and ask slowly , `` do you even know when mia 's birthday was ? '' jace looks down at his shoes . i continue quietly , `` or the first word she ever said ? '' the rage builds and i yell at him , `` when did she cut her first tooth , jace ? '' i close my eyes and breathe deep before saying calmly and quietly , `` all you were was a sperm donor . mia did n't have a father . '' i burst into tears and croak , `` i needed you so badly when she died . my dad had a breakdown mourning my mom . when he needed me the most i could n't be there for him because i was organizing mia 's funeral as well as my mom 's . and you did n't even come to her funeral . '' i nod my head and state , `` twenty five f**king messages , jace . that 's how many i left . if it were n't for dad and nat , i do n't know where i 'd be . but i 'm good now . max looks disgusted as he asks , `` you did n't go to your own daughter 's funeral ? ghost looks livid , he steps forward and spits , `` you need to leave right fuckin ' now . '' trick growls , `` you forget you ever knew tina . '' i 'm suddenly surrounded by warmth and the love of my friends . nik does n't say anything for a while then , `` money . ''

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not bothering with a bowl , ella grabbed a spoon . just as she slid the first creamy bite into her mouth , the doorbell rang . please do n't let it be my parents . of course it 's your parents , who else comes to visit you ? she juggled the ice cream in one hand and opened the door without looking through the peephole . she was shocked into silence at the sight of her visitor . declan stood on her welcome mat in a formfitting pair of dark jeans and a t-shirt . he was holding a brown bag that smelled heavenly . `` declan ... um ... what- '' `` hey ellie , i thought you might be hungry . '' i tend to give everyone a nickname . some i repeat , some i do n't . just a carryover from my days in the military . real names were hardly ever used there . '' wow , she had just learned more about him in two minutes on her doorstep than she had in the previous month at the office . `` that 's okay , i kind of like ellie . i always thought ella made me sound old . '' then realizing that he was still standing in the hallway , she hastily stepped to the side and said , `` come in . '' declan walked past her and into her kitchen . he set the bag on the counter and turned back around . shooting an amused look at the ice cream she was still clutching he asked , `` so do you want some chinese food , or are you dedicated to that carton you 're holding ? '' she could feel her face starting to flame as she hastily shoved the carton back into the freezer . now that she finally had declan in her apartment , she had no idea what to do with him . first , stop staring at him and get some plates . do you want him to know that you 've never had a man over before ? she gave him an awkward smile and turned to the cabinet behind her to get the plates . naturally , the first plate she reached for slid out of her hands like a frisbee and flew across the kitchen to land at declan 's feet . she then compounded the disaster by racing forward to clean it up at the same time that he bent down . she saw stars as their heads crashed together and she promptly fell backwards on her butt from the impact . `` whoa , ellie , are you alright ? '' with a groan , she covered her face and hoped that she would simply disappear . `` oh , calgon , take me away ! '' yeah , like that ever really worked anytime other than the commercials . she heard declan chuckle above her before his hands gently pried hers from her face . `` you 're a little dangerous , are n't you ? i 'm all for a woman falling at my feet , but how about leaving the china out of the equation next time , sweetheart . where is your broom ? '' she pointed him to the closet in the corner . he pulled her to her feet and patted her butt . `` i hope everything is okay back there after your fall ? '' speechless , she could only nod her head as he walked to the closet for the broom . he made short work of the cleanup and she set her small dining room table without further incident . `` so ... um , i 'm kind of surprised to see you , '' she began . `` are you really , ellie ? usually when i lick a woman 's tongue , they are n't surprised to see me . some might even look forward to it . '' ella 's fork clattered to her plate as she stared at him . he continued to eat as if they always had conversations like this . i just did n't ... '' he swallowed a bite and turned to her . `` you want to be involved with me ? '' surely , he did n't actually mean what it sounded like he meant and she was n't about to make a fool of herself yet again by assuming . declan took his time wiping his mouth with a napkin before answering . `` my idea of what that means will probably be a little different from yours , ellie , but i think you get the idea . i like you , i want you , and i think you feel the same . i 've tried to step back even though i knew how you felt about me because you are just too good for someone like me . '' when she opened her mouth to protest , he raised his hand to silence her . `` for years i have lived a life that you ca n't even imagine . i have done and seen things that would shock you , disgust you , and scare the hell out of you . do n't even bother to doubt me , because even i run from the things in my head . so i ca n't make any promises to you , ellie , because more than likely i 'd end up breaking them .

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carefully replacing the pen in the holder , she drew a deep breath and considered what was really on her mind . was she the only person in her world who had never known true heartache ? never known disappointment so deep that it changed your life ? her grandfather had died not much more than a year ago , but he was old , ill , in pain . the vicar insisted it was a blessing and she could only agree . if she were being completely honest , it would grieve her more when the dowager duchess was gone . she loved her as she would have loved her own grandmothers , had they not died before her birth . grief was the cost of loving . heartache came in other guises as well . the duchess and lord morgan and all the rest of the braedons shared loss that was not grounded in death but in one persons determination to control his world . christiana thought of her mama , who seemed inclined to manage . then a guilty thought struck her . her pretense of courtship with lord morgan was nothing less than their mutual attempt to manipulate the world to their satisfaction . there you are , she thought , i suppose all of us are inclined to make the world dance to our tune . but for the first time she realized that it was a dangerous game to play . one could not ever completely control another or even ones own feelings . from the corner of her eye , she saw the dowager duchess stir . with a guilty start , christiana considered the party plans they had been working on before lord morgan had abandoned her . all done without me , eh . the dowager duchesss voice was a bit hoarse , but it cleared as she straightened in her chair . and where has morgan run off to the minute i close my eyes ? he is in the library your grace , composing a letter he thought urgent . christiana stood . i can get him for you . you do that , my dear , and i will order some tea for us and then we can discuss the lists you have made . she drew the shawl from her lap and draped it over her shoulders . it will take a few moments for the tea tray to come up , so you need not hurry . morgan can finish his important letter and then show you the artwork . christiana forbore to explain . it probably did seem as though she was anxious for time alone with him , when all she really wanted to do was avoid a family argument . she left the room in such a hurry that she forgot to ask directions to the library . a footman on duty in the hallway escorted her up a floor and to the front of the house . he scratched on the door , but did not wait for permission to enter before opening the door for her . christiana stepped into the dimly lit room and found morgan seated near a window , impatiently tapping his fingers on the desk , two ruined sheets of paper before him . his relief upon seeing her was very gratifying . do come here , sprite , please , and help me write this confounded thing . how difficult can it be , my lord ? he put the quill back in the stand and pushed back slightly from the desk and made to rise . christiana hurried over to him and put her hand on his shoulder to keep him from standing . he looked at her hand , then up at her with such a pleased smile that she returned it with a grin quite unequal to the task . she looked away for a moment and tamed the smile to something less tender while a cascade of thoughts crowded her brain . was it normal that she should feel such pleasure in his company , such joy in seeing him when they had only been apart a few moments ? what would it be like when she saw richard ? why did the thought bring more worry than pleasure ? she picked up one of the crumpled sheets and scanned it . oh no , i am sorry , my lord , but this sounds like a royal command . even a much-loved sister would have to refuse on principle . yes , and as you can see i threw that sheet away . to your credit , sir . she picked up the other one . much better , sir , but perhaps beg is a bit too abject . and your suggestion would be ? your grandmother is longing to have her family close and has no hopes for a braedon reconciliation . if your sister would come for a few days , it would be a comfort far beyond the effort involved . he nodded with grudging approval . with a fresh sheet of paper he began . christiana set her lips together so she would remain silent while he worked . after a moment she moved to the other side of the room , where she tried to examine a portrait of the current duke and his family , but the room was in such shadow that it was difficult to see more than a man in full court dress and a woman holding a baby against her elaborately bejeweled bosom . were they happy , she wondered . were they well matched ? was their world filled with temptation ? what kind of loss had they faced ? did it bring them closer together ?

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while considering how best to broach the subject , she carefully removed the sketch , which she 'd rolled into a tight scroll , from her backpack . dr. everett took off the rubber band and unrolled the new sketch across the table . he secured it , then stepped back to examine her proposal . `` these animals are behind bars , '' he said with a grimace . he looked up at her , his frown deepening . `` you said you wanted zoo animals . i did what you asked , '' she said , trying not to sound defensive . `` see the gorilla ? '' `` why is he caged ? '' `` have you visited a zoo lately ? '' she was n't in favor of imprisoning wild animals , and this whole zoo concept had bothered her . `` i said i wanted zoo animals , '' he said , speaking slowly as if she was hard of hearing . `` i did n't ask you to draw a zoo scene . you took me far too literally . '' `` i can paint it without the bars . '' she 'd be happy to do that , in fact , but she 'd wanted to give him precisely what he 'd asked for . apparently , he 'd taken offense ; maybe he did n't approve of zoos , either . `` i asked for a jungle scene . '' `` in a zoo , '' she added . `` but like i said , i 'll take away the bars . other than that , does this sketch suit you ? '' she wondered if he 'd remember he 'd used that very word in their previous meeting . he went over each detail . `` it does , '' he said slowly . `` you 're actually quite talented , '' he told her , and she was n't sure whether to be pleased or insulted by the surprise in his voice . a compliment -- well , she 'd settle for that . she asked , eager now to get down to the negotiations . they 'd already agreed on a price , although , as she 'd told him , it was half of what she normally charged . `` you can begin this week if you like . '' however ... '' `` how long do you think it 'll take you to complete the project ? '' macy was n't fooled . he wanted her in and out of his office as quickly as possible . well , she was n't keen on spending any more time than necessary with him , either . `` a couple of weeks , tops . '' `` um , if you 'll recall , the figure i quoted you is half my usual fee . '' she gestured with one hand , but when she noticed how he glared at it , she immediately lowered it . `` as you might also remember , that price is contingent on you doing me a favor . '' predictably , he frowned . `` i might be able to finish in ten days , '' she said , changing tactics . `` what 's this favor ? '' he asked with unmistakable sarcasm . `` just to see a patient . '' he pulled open a desk drawer and took out his checkbook . `` i 'll give you fifty percent up front . '' she 'd hoped he 'd pay her an advance . he sat down at his desk and started to write the check . she watched for a moment before blurting out her question . `` do you make house calls ? '' `` house calls ? '' that 's when a doctor visits a patient 's home and diagnoses that patient in the comfort of his or her own environment . '' `` i know what a house call is . '' she sent him a bright smile . `` so , do you make them ? '' `` do n't you think it would be better to see patients when they 're relaxed and comfortable ? '' `` would n't you be able to make a more accurate assessment ? '' there are tests i could n't run at a patient 's house . '' `` but you could order those , right ? '' `` is there a reason you 're asking me all these questions ? does it have to do with the patient you want me to see ? '' `` y-e-s. '' she drawled the word , but did n't elaborate . she needed to line up her arguments first . `` i do n't make house calls so it 's a moot point , '' he said with finality . `` for malpractice insurance reasons it 's out of the question . '' he closed his checkbook and returned it to the top drawer . `` but what if we bartered for it ? '' as i explained , because of my insurance restrictions , it 's impossible , no matter how you paid for it . '' she bit her lip and tried a different approach . `` because he 's sick and refuses to see a doctor . '' `` eighty-six . '' dr. everett 's eyebrows rose . `` in case you have n't noticed , i 'm a pediatrician . i treat children . i have no expertise in geriatrics . '' `` that 's all right , '' macy said half-humorously . `` harvey sometimes says he 's going through his second childhood . '' the physician did n't even crack a smile .

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he had one window of time to finalize this deal , and no amount of killer kisses or soft sighs of approval could sway him from closing the most important transaction of his life . jordan eased back with a final sweep of his tongue , a last nip on her bottom lip . `` not that i 'm complaining , but what 's going on here ? i was expecting to work my ass off for a simple quick kiss . '' she traced a fingernail along the back of his neck . `` you said my swollen feet are pretty . '' women were more complicated than any boardroom negotiation he 'd ever undergone . `` your feet are perfect , and if they 're swollen , it 's half my fault since it takes two to make a baby . '' she 'd mentioned the comment her mother made . could a drunk mother 's ridiculous throwaway comment bother such a successful , confident woman ? and what a strange time to notice there were no photos of her parents in the condo that he could see . in fact , the walls and mantle bore just watercolor artwork . the only photo he could find ... a small photo in a silver frame on the end table . he scooped it up to find five young garrisons on the beach , brooke and brittany not more than five or six . his thumb gravitated to the image of brooke , no questioning which was her with that sneaky strand of hair sliding from her ponytail . brooke raked her fingernail from the back of his neck around to trail along his sore jaw . `` i 'm sorry my brother hit you . '' he smiled in spite of himself and replaced the photo on the end table . `` that was the most fun i 've had in a long time . '' `` it 's a man thing . i expected it . '' he shrugged off the fight and stifled a wince at his wrenched shoulder as he sat up again . he tugged brooke to sit in the crook of his arm . `` since we 've told the family , what do you say tomorrow we go out to dinner on our own ? `` why do n't we meet here at my place instead ? '' she plucked at the hem of her loose-fitting black dress . `` or we can meet at yours and dine on the balcony again . '' `` you do n't want to go out with me . '' she kept picking at the fabric , her fingers pinching a loose thread with unwavering attention . `` i 'm just not ready for things to be so ... public . '' jordan walled off his impatience . he was starting to learn that while this garrison had a reputation for being less confrontational than the rest , she was still every bit as stubborn in her own way . `` what sort of timetable do you have for telling the rest of the world this is my baby ? '' `` i 'll know when it 's right . '' she finally snapped the stray thread on her dress and pulled a tight smile . he could already see how much the thought of making this decision was torturing her . informing her family had taken her months . taking him to dinner had left her pale , her hands clammy and her feet puffy . how much more stress would it bring her figuring out how to tell her workmates and the rest of south beach about their relationship ? without a doubt , gossip would flow . things had only begun to die down from emilio and brittany hooking up . and while emilio as a partner in jefferies brothers had his own issues with garrison , incorporated , the animosity between jordan and parker went off the charts . brooke had to know the baby 's paternity would be grist for a hungry rumor mill . he studied the dark circles under her eyes and made an executive decision . the sooner everyone knew about their romance , the better . and by everyone , he meant all of south beach in one fell swoop . jordan tipped a knuckle under brooke 's chin and brushed a final kiss across her lips . `` all right , then , as you said , when the time is right , the world will know . '' the next morning , brooke raced past her personal assistant at the condominium development with a smile and a wave , late , thanks to her restless dreams about jordan . the massage had tweaked her every last hot button , convincing her that having jordan in her bed again would be a very delicious idea . but he 'd pulled back when she 'd been wanting , forcing her to think about their future and not just her keen hunger for him . her waking thoughts were equally as agitating as she recalled his kiss ... and the way his thumb had gone straight to her image in the photo . he 'd known the difference between her and her twin even as children . god , that rocked her . she only half registered her assistant 's call of , `` you have a visitor , '' before brooke threw wide the door to her office to find- her mirror image . well , her mirror image without a baby bulge since her twin was n't five months pregnant . `` good morning , britt .

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and the glimpse he 'd caught of the rest of her hinted at what else had been hidden under her jeans and t-shirt all day . `` um , '' he said again , trying desperately to think of something to say . for some reason , his brain did n't work and he could n't come up with anything sensible , so he said , `` why are you naked ? '' dumbass , stupid question . `` i was trying on these pants , '' she said stiffly . oh boy , did he see all right . `` so how do they look ? '' she frowned , her face flushed , gaze locked with his . then they widened to the size of saucers and he knew he was done for . she glanced over her shoulder and gasped at her reflection . she picked up one of the new tops that lay discarded on the floor and held it against her bottom . but he 'd seen enough and it was becoming obvious that he 'd enjoyed it . painfully obvious . and annie had noticed . her face flushed again but this time a small smile flickered across her lips . `` i 'm going , '' he muttered , quickly turning away . he reached her front door before turning back , half hoping to catch another glimpse of her . `` i want to see you in those leathers tomorrow , '' he called . too late , he realized what a bad idea riding was . it meant he 'd have to sit behind her . and she was going to be wearing those leather pants . tomorrow would be agony . *** annie was determined to put a brave face on it . he 'd seen her naked-so what ! he had n't run away screaming at the sight . although he had run away , he was far from screaming . she smiled as she remembered his reaction . being caught nearly naked by zack might have been worth it after all . `` you look good , '' he said when she opened her door to him the next morning . he looked pretty damn good himself , slouched against the door frame , hands plunged into his jeans pockets , ankles crossed . a shadow of beard and hair that needed a comb run through it , gave him a don't-mess-with-me look . he wore riding gear-black jeans , leather jacket , black t-shirt . she was dressed similarly in her leather jacket , a white t-shirt and the new leather pants . when she 'd tried them on last night , she 'd discovered they showed the outline of her underpants underneath . even she knew that was a big fashion no-no , hence the thong which she 'd found deep inside her top drawer . a long-ago boyfriend had bought it for her in the hope that she 'd wear it . but now , it was the only suitable thing to wear under pants so tight nothing was left to the imagination . she stepped past him and walked as unselfconsciously as she could to the road . she did n't need to turn around to know that his gaze was fixed on her behind-she could feel its heat . `` wearing the thong ? '' he asked , his voice casual . maybe a little too casual , as if he were trying too hard to sound like he did n't care . she heard him suck in air but he did n't answer . yup-he wanted her . oh boy , la 's sexiest bachelor wanted her . who cares that he was n't interested in a relationship with her-it just felt good to be desired . maybe next time he would n't stop their kiss . she swallowed , not wanting to think about what would have happened if he had n't . she was n't sure she could do the casual sex thing , even if it was with the hottest man in town . `` you 're not going to chicken out on me ? '' it 's just like driving a car . '' it was nothing like driving a car . zack went through each of the components and instruments of the bike then gave step-by-step instructions on how to start , stop and steer . `` now get on . '' `` start it up . '' `` drive down the street , turn around and come back . slowly , '' he added . like she needed reminding . she kicked the engine over as instructed , placed her feet on the pedals and felt herself toppling . she managed to return one foot to the ground before the bike keeled over with her still on it . she grinned at zack who expelled a long breath and brushed a hand over his eyes . `` just checking to see if you were watching , '' she said . `` you 're dangerous , annie mccallum , '' he said above the roar of the engine . the edges of his mouth softened . this time annie left one foot on the ground until the bike inched forward . she rode down to the end of her street , thanking the powers that be that traffic was minimal , turned and rode back again . she stopped the bike at zack 's feet . she rode around the street five more times before zack nodded . `` a bigger road . '' i 'm not riding in traffic . ''

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it might not be rational or reasonable but it was how she felt . peter asked as he let himself in the front door the next morning . he dumped his sleeping bag on the kitchen floor , walked over to carol and dutifully kissed her cheek . carol said , helping herself to a second cup of coffee . she did n't dare look in the mirror , suspecting there were dark smudges under her eyes . at most , she 'd slept two hours all night . `` how did things go with mr . carol let the steam rising from her coffee mug revive her . `` you never told me james 's mother had died . '' `` so i heard , '' carol muttered . she was n't angry with her son , and alex 's being a widower should n't make a whole lot of difference , but for reasons she was only beginning to understand , it did . `` james said it took his dad a long time to get over his mother 's death . '' carol felt her throat muscles tighten . he was n't over her , not really . `` james keeps a picture of her in his room . she was real pretty . '' carol nodded , remembering the bright blue eyes smiling back at her from the framed photograph in alex 's office . gloria 's warmth and beauty were obvious . `` i thought we 'd work in the backyard this morning , '' carol said , as a means of changing the subject . `` aw , mom , '' peter groaned . `` you know i hate yard work . '' `` but if we tackle everything now , it wo n't overwhelm us next month . '' `` are you going to plant a bunch of silly flowers again ? every year you spend a fortune on that stuff . if you added it all up , i bet you could buy a sports car with the money . '' `` buy who a sports car ? '' she challenged , arms akimbo . peter clearly did n't want to argue . peter 's attitude could use an overhaul , but carol was n't in the best of moods herself . working with the earth , thrusting her fingers deep into the rich soil , was basic to her nature and never more than now . the sun was out when carol , dressed in her oldest pair of jeans and a university of oregon sweatshirt , knelt in front of her precious flower beds . she 'd tied a red bandanna around her head , knotting it at the back . peter brought his portable cd player outside and plugged it into the electrical outlet on the patio . next , he arranged an assortment of cds in neat piles . carol glanced over her shoulder and groaned inwardly . she was about to be serenaded with music that came with words she found practically impossible to understand . although maybe that was a blessing ... `` just a minute , '' peter yelled and started running toward the kitchen . carol had n't even heard the phone ring . ignoring her son , she knelt down , wiping her wrist under her nose . the heat was already making her perspire . bending forward , she dug with the trowel , cultivating the soil and clearing away a winter 's accumulation of weeds . at the sound of alex 's voice , carol twisted around to confront him . he joined her , kneeling beside her on the lush , green grass . his eyes were as eager as if it had been weeks since he 'd seen her instead of a few hours . she demanded again , digging more vigorously than necessary . she had n't fully recovered from their last encounter and was already facing another one . `` i could n't stay away , '' he said , his voice harsh and husky at once , and tinged with a hint of anger as if the lack of control bothered him . `` you were upset last night , and we both ignored it instead of talking about it the way we should have . '' `` you were imagining things , '' she said , offering him a false smile . i felt guilty , too . '' `` because i told you about gloria and did n't ask about your husband . it would 've been the perfect time for you to tell me . '' carol 's stomach lurched . `` that was a long time ago ... and best forgotten . '' `` but you loved him and were saddened by his death , and i should 've realized that talking about gloria would be especially painful for you . i should have been more sensitive . '' `` there 's no reason to feel guilty . you talked openly and honestly , and i appreciated knowing about your wife . '' `` maybe so , '' alex conceded , `` but i frightened you , and now you 're feeling confused . '' she continued to work , dragging the trowel through the damp soil . he gripped her shoulders and turned her toward him as he scanned her features . `` you should n't lie , carol sommars . because you blush every time you do . '' as if on cue , she felt her cheeks grow pink .

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his stubble was much rougher this morning , his hair sticking up crazily , giving him an even more rugged look than he 'd sported yesterday . throw in the hard biceps and the ink flowing down both arms and the motorcycle , and he looked exactly like what any parent did not want to see pulling into their driveway . and exactly what she 'd needed . a guy like him , though ... he needed a nice , little-bit-wild girl his own age . not someone older who was all drive and ambition and rarely had time for anything but studying . no , the ideal girl for him would be someone kind of like candace , who was sweet as pie but still fun and had no problem keeping brian 's ass in check . god , whoever that girl turned out to be , ian would certainly know how to please her . gabriella could n't help but feel a little bit jealous of the poor girl she did n't even know . hell , she might already hate her guts . he asked , still wearing that mysterious smile , and she realized she 'd been staring for the past few seconds . he probably would n't appreciate the woman he 'd f**ked all night telling him what he needed in a girlfriend . `` you just gave me a lot to think about . '' was it her imagination , or was heat creeping up into her cheeks ? it was ; she was blushing . she might actually be a little bit smitten with him . well , i 'm glad . '' `` i guess ... i 'll see you at our next appointment ? '' hopefully it would n't be too awkward , and they would be able to get through it without anyone catching on . `` i think one more should finish it up . '' she wanted to leave ; she did n't want to leave . she wanted to escape ... and she wanted to go back to his place and lie in his arms all day . `` well , '' he said at last , holding his hand out . without hesitation , she took it , feeling a little thrill when he brought her hand to his lips and kissed the back . her skin tingled where his mouth touched her . it tingled in lots of other places where it had touched her last night . as if the reminder of the way he kissed awakened her body and made it cry out for him . she had to get out of here before she fell into his arms and begged for a repeat . gabby mustered all her willpower and smiled , stepping back . she had the profound and disturbing feeling she was leaving behind something very important . he hung around until she started her car and pulled out . then , in her review mirror , she watched him leave the parking lot on his motorcycle and speed off in the opposite direction . a red light caught her , so she was able to watch until his distant figure turned a corner and disappeared from sight . rain began to patter against her windshield . she stared straight ahead and tried to remember how to breathe . she was n't early enough . as she drove up her parents ' driveway , she met her dad 's car as he was leaving for the office . sighing when he began to slow , she braked and rolled her window down as he did the same . `` looks like you missed curfew , '' he said , which made her burst out laughing . her dad could be pretty cool sometimes . and a hard-ass at other times . like any one of his children , and certainly his wife . gabby supposed she could lie and say she 'd run an early errand ... but then she 'd have to make something up when he inevitably asked what it was , and she honestly did n't have the brain power right now . i hope you did n't wait up . '' `` your mom did . she 's still watching the front door . '' he grinned , his eyes crinkling at the corners . she was still upstairs when i left . if you hurry , you might miss her . '' `` i think we need to have a talk later , gabby . '' he might be in his most dangerous mood right now , actually-the disarming jovial facade to hide the hard-ass within . those words had never boded well for any of his three kids whenever he uttered them . he rolled up his window and moved on . she continued up the driveway , worrying her bottom lip between her teeth . the `` talk '' he wanted to have was no doubt about her behavior of late-tattoos and staying out all night . if one of her children began behaving in a way that was totally opposite from the way they 'd behaved before , she 'd be worried too , no matter how old they were . she only wished she had more of an explanation for them than wanting to try new things . with new people . her love life had been nothing but one failed relationship after another-the last one spectacularly failed . if nothing she 'd ever done had worked for her , then why keep doing the same thing over and over again , expecting different results ? that was the comical definition of insanity , was n't it ? there was nothing wrong with changing it up a bit .

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`` you mean we should dismantle their motorcycles so they could n't come after us if we ran away ? '' ruth had n't thought of that , but it was an excellent idea . `` good plan , '' she said approvingly . `` grandma , i was only joking ! '' `` that would be our insurance . '' `` i do n't think- '' `` it 's what robin would suggest . '' `` yes , but aunt robin- '' ruth already knew what her granddaughter was about to say . she agreed , but they did n't have time to discuss robin . if they were going to act , they had to do it now . `` i 'll distract the men and then you do whatever one does to make motorcycles refuse to start . '' ruth bit her lip as she searched for another idea . `` there 's got to be a way to protect ourselves . '' her gaze fell to the ground as she began pacing . `` and your mother- '' `` i think mom 's safe . '' `` i certainly hope so , '' ruth said , her mind whirling . `` what would we tell the police ? these bikers do n't even have real names ! who ever heard of men named rooster and skunk ? if something did happen , god forbid , how could we tell the police we let your mother drive off with someone named rooster ? '' `` she 's with max , not rooster . nothing 's going to happen , grandma . you 're getting yourself worked up for no reason . '' `` forget the police , '' ruth continued . `` grandma , repeat after me . ruth ignored that . `` grant will be so upset with me , '' she went on . `` he 'll say it 's all my fault and i ca n't blame him . i 'm responsible for this mess . i should 've insisted i be the one to go . you and your mother are young . '' `` you want to see your high school friends again , do n't you ? '' she desperately wanted to see royce , too . just once , so she could tell him how sorry she was , how deeply she regretted having hurt him . but if she had to give up her life in order to save her daughter-in-law and granddaughter , ruth would n't think twice . a small part of her wondered if she was overreacting , but she decided she simply could n't take the risk . annie was smart and sensible like bethanne . the girl would come up with something . `` in my opinion , we should just wait this out . if mom is n't back in , say , another hour- '' `` another hour ? '' that seemed far too long . `` grandma , '' annie said , `` it 'll take time to get into wells and then more time to arrange for a tow truck . we should wait a minimum of ninety minutes . '' `` then we ... i do n't know , regroup , i guess . '' however , ruth did n't like it . she checked her watch so she 'd know exactly when those ninety minutes were up and prepared to wait . to distract themselves they discussed las vegas and what they 'd do when they got there . after ten interminable minutes , ruth chanced a look at the bikers and to her shock saw the three of them swimming . their clothes , all of them , were piled along the shoreline and ... oh , my goodness , they 'd gone in the water nude . while she 'd been talking to annie , those men had stripped nak*d. `` we do n't have a thing to worry about , '' she told annie . ruth had the perfect plan . as casually as possible , ruth strolled toward the lake . `` grandma , '' annie called after her . she whirled around and pressed her finger to her lips , shushing annie . `` grandma , '' her granddaughter called again , this time in a harsh whisper . `` do n't do anything ... silly . '' ruth waved off her concern . as fast as she could , she gathered up the men 's clothes . clasping them to her chest , she ran toward annie . rooster shouted . facing them , ruth said loudly , `` i 'm taking your clothes and i 'm not giving them back until bethanne is returned safe and sound . '' she clutched the clothes even tighter , unwilling to surrender a single item . all three men laughed as though they thought her hilarious . without another word , rooster started walking to shore and the other two followed . soon vital body parts were fully exposed . ruth gasped and backed away . clearly the threat of not having their clothes meant nothing to them . `` that scares us , grandma . that really scares us . '' ruth dropped the clothes and , feeling more than a little ridiculous , hurried over to annie . they heard the roar of a motorcycle in the distance . `` mom 's back ! '' the weight of worry and responsibility instantly lifted from ruth 's shoulders-until max rode into view .

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`` but i wo n't do that . he swallowed roughly , his throat constricting with the effort . i rubbed my br**sts against him , hoping to change his mind . my sensitive n**ples rasped against his firm chest , which only succeeded in making me hotter . `` please ... logan ... '' i breathed , continuing to rub myself against him like a cat against a scratching post . he took my hand and pulled me into my apartment , kicking the door shut behind us and pressing my back against the wall . he kissed me senseless while i writhed against him . he gripped my ass and pressed his erection against me . i 'm not sure how long it went on , but my panties were soaking wet , and i 'd never been so turned on in my entire life . i reached between us for the button on his jeans , but his hand found mine and stopped me . `` ashlyn , no . '' he let out a frustrated growl and worked to get his breathing under control . let me put you to bed . '' `` god , yes , '' i moaned . `` i meant that i 'd tuck you in to sleep . '' i 'd tried and failed to seduce the one man i truly wanted . my chest suddenly felt tight , and i swallowed hard , forcing my emotions to take a back seat . i nodded my consent and untangled myself from him . i would n't cry , but damn if i did n't feel rejected , betrayed . i headed into my bedroom , not bothering to turn on the light , since the moonlight filtering in provided plenty of light to see by . i collapsed onto my bed , hoping he 'd just leave me alone before i broke down with the tears that were certain to come . so , of course , he did n't . logan followed me in , knelt beside my bed and helped me get under the covers . i closed my eyes and took a deep breath , which sounded more like a disappointed sigh . he brushed my loose strands of hair back from my face . i swallowed the giant lump that had lodged itself in my throat . i threw myself at you , and ... and ... '' i could n't even get the words out . he continued brushing my hair back from my forehead , smoothing it down . `` just leave me . '' i pressed my thighs together and clenched my fists . he watched me with a curious expression . `` oh hell , i ca n't leave you like this . let me take care of you tonight . '' my eyes flew open and my heartbeat built to an uncomfortable rhythm . he peeled the blankets off me and ran his hands along my bare legs . `` tell me how to make you come . '' i met his dark eyes , but my voice refused to cooperate . he was n't rejecting me , but it was n't lost on me that he was refusing to share himself with me . for the time being , i was powerless to stop this . i desperately needed the release . `` what do you like , beautiful ? '' my cl*t throbbed at his words . oh , i wanted this . i could n't stop now for all the money in the world . he leaned down and kissed my mouth with soft , nipping bites and tender chaste kisses . `` touch me , please , '' i begged . he pulled back from my mouth and eased down my cotton shorts and panties , removing them completely . i should have felt embarrassed , exposed , but i did n't . he placed his palm flat against my belly , his fingers brushing past my tattoo on their way south . my breath hitched and i could n't help but lift my h*ps off the bed , eager to feel his hands against me . it was like the fantasy i 'd had about him , only better than i expected . his eyes devoured me and i found myself suddenly thankful that liz had chastised my grooming habits a few months ago and i was now in the habit of shaving completely bare . he leaned in closer and pressed a kiss against my tattooed hip and i could n't help but let out a moan . his kisses continued all along my belly and the top of my mound . heat and desire flooded his eyes when he pulled back to look at me . he lifted my h*ps to make room for himself on the bed and positioned himself near me . he pressed a kiss to my belly and i let out a soft whimper . he sat back to admire me , and ran his fingers over the clean shaven folds . he used his thumbs to open my inner lips , gently rubbing his fingers against the wetness . `` so pretty , '' he whispered . i could n't help but moan . my cl*t was swollen and overly sensitive . he used his thumb to trace a slow , circular pattern over my cl*t and leaned down to kiss me . i ravaged his mouth with my tongue , so appreciative of his skilled fingers . my breathing came faster and my moans more pronounced against his onslaught of kisses .

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the bottom floor housed contemporary fiction only , while the top floor held classic fiction and nonfiction , additional titles by contemporary authors , and unique collections . she doubted whether mr. marsh even realized the library was dispersed through both stories , since the stairs were accessed in the rear of the building , near the children 's room . one of the drawbacks to having the library housed in a former residence was that the architecture was n't designed for public traffic . but the place suited her . her office upstairs was almost always quiet , and it was close to her favorite part of the library . a small room next to hers contained the rare titles , books she 'd accumulated through estate and garage sales , donations , and visits to bookstores and dealers throughout the state , a project her mother had started . she also had a growing collection of historic manuscripts and maps , some of which dated from before the revolutionary war . this was her passion . she was always on the lookout for something special , and she was n't above using charm , guile , or simple pleading to get what she wanted . when that did n't work , she stressed the tax deduction angle , and-because she had worked hard to cultivate contacts with tax and estate lawyers throughout the south-she often received items before other libraries even found out about them . while she did n't have the resources of duke , wake forest , or the university of north carolina , her library was regarded as one of the best small libraries in the state , if not the country . and that 's how she viewed it now . her library , like this was her town . and right now a stranger was waiting for her , a stranger who wanted to write a story that just might not be good for her people . oh , she 'd seen him drive up , all right . seen him get out of the car and head around front . she 'd shaken her head , recognizing the confident city swagger almost immediately . he was just another in a long line of people visiting from someplace more exotic , people who believed they had a deeper understanding of what the real world was like . people who claimed that life could be far more exciting , more fulfilling , if only you moved away . a few years ago , she 'd fallen for someone who believed such things , and she refused to be taken in by such ideas again . a cardinal landed on the outside windowsill . she watched it , clearing her head , and then sighed . okay , she decided , she should probably go talk to mr. marsh from new york . he was , after all , waiting for her . he 'd come all this way , and southern hospitality-as well as her job-required her to help him find what he needed . more important , though , she might be able to keep an eye on him . she 'd be able to filter the information in a way that he 'd understand the good parts about living here , too . yes , she could handle mr. marsh . and besides , she had to admit that he was rather good-looking , even if he could n't be trusted . jeremy marsh looked almost bored . he was pacing one of the aisles , his arms crossed , glancing at the contemporary titles . every now and then he frowned , as if wondering why he could n't find anything by dickens , chaucer , or austen . if he asked about it , she wondered how he would react if she responded with `` who ? '' knowing him-and she readily admitted she did n't know him at all but was simply making an assumption here-he 'd probably just stare at her all tongue-tied like he had when she saw him earlier in the cemetery . always predictable . she tugged at her sweater , procrastinating for one last moment before starting toward him . keep it professional , she reminded herself , you 're on a mission here . `` i suppose you 're looking for me , '' she announced , forcing a tight smile . jeremy glanced up at the sound of her voice , and for a moment , he seemed frozen in place . then all at once he smiled as recognition set in . it seemed friendly enough-his dimple was cute-but the smile was a little too practiced and was n't enough to offset the confidence in his eyes . `` you 're lex ? '' `` it 's short for 'lexie . ' lexie darnell . it 's what doris calls me . '' `` you 're the librarian ? '' `` when i 'm not hanging out in cemeteries and ignoring staring men , i try to be . '' `` well , i 'll be , '' he said , trying to drawl the words like doris had . she smiled and moved past him to straighten a few books on the shelf that he 'd examined . `` your accent does n't cut it , mr. marsh , '' she said . `` you sound like you 're trying out letters for a crossword puzzle . '' he laughed easily , unfazed by her comment . definitely a ladies ' man , she thought . she continued straightening the books .

[["bottom", 10], ["bottoming", 10], ["floor", 16], ["house", 23], ["housed", 23], ["contemporary", 36], ["fiction", 44], ["top", 65], ["hold", 76], ["held", 76], ["classic", 84], ["nonfiction", 107], ["additional", 120], ["title", 127], ["titles", 127], ["author", 151], ["authors", 151], ["unique", 164], ["collection", 176], ["collections", 176], ["doubt", 190], ["doubted", 190], ["whether", 198], ["mr", 201], ["marsh", 208], ["marshes", 208], ["even", 213], ["evens", 213], ["realize", 222], ["realized", 222], ["library", 234], ["disperse", 248], ["dispersed", 248], ["story", 269], ["stories", 269], ["since", 277], ["stair", 288], ["stairs", 288], ["access", 302], ["accessest", 302], ["accessed", 302], ["rear", 314], ["build", 330], ["building", 330], ["near", 337], ["child", 350], ["childs", 350], ["children", 350], ["room", 358], ["roomed", 358], ["drawback", 381], ["drawbacks", 381], ["former", 422], ["residence", 432], ["architecture", 458], ["design", 475], ["designed", 475], ["public", 486], ["traffic", 494], ["traffics", 494], ["trafficking", 494], ["place", 510], ["suit", 517], ["suited", 517], ["office", 534], ["upstairs", 543], ["almost", 554], ["always", 561], ["quiet", 567], ["close", 586], ["favorite", 602], ["favoritest", 602], ["part", 607], ["parting", 607], ["small", 632], ["next", 642], ["contain", 660], ["containest", 660], ["contained", 660], ["rare", 669], ["book", 684], ["books", 684], ["accumulate", 703], ["accumulates", 703], ["accumulated", 703], ["estate", 718], ["garage", 729], ["sale", 735], ["sales", 735], ["donation", 747], ["donations", 747], ["visit", 760], ["visits", 760], ["bookstore", 774], ["bookstores", 774], ["dealer", 786], ["dealers", 786], ["throughout", 797], ["state", 807], ["project", 819], ["projectest", 819], ["mother", 830], ["mothered", 830], ["motherest", 830], ["start", 842], ["started", 842], ["also", 853], ["grow", 867], ["growest", 867], ["growing", 867], ["collection", 878], ["historic", 890], ["manuscript", 902], ["manuscripts", 902], ["map", 911], ["mapped", 911], ["maps", 911], ["date", 933], ["dated", 933], ["revolutionary", 963], ["war", 967], ["passion", 990], ["lookout", 1022], ["special", 1044], ["use", 1074], ["using", 1074], ["charm", 1080], ["charmest", 1080], ["guile", 1088], ["simple", 1100], ["simplest", 1100], ["plead", 1109], ["pleading", 1109], ["get", 1116], ["work", 1157], ["wrought", 1157], ["stress", 1172], ["stressed", 1172], ["tax", 1180], ["deduction", 1190], ["angle", 1196], ["work", 1225], ["wrought", 1225], ["worked", 1225], ["hard", 1230], ["cultivate", 1243], ["contact", 1252], ["contacts", 1252], ["lawyer", 1280], ["lawyers", 1280], ["south", 1301], ["often", 1311], ["receive", 1320], ["received", 1320], ["item", 1326], ["items", 1326], ["library", 1349], ["libraries", 1349], ["find", 1360], ["found", 1360], ["resource", 1414], ["resourcing", 1414], ["resources", 1414], ["duke", 1422], ["duked", 1422], ["wake", 1429], ["wakes", 1429], ["woken", 1429], ["forest", 1436], ["university", 1456], ["north", 1465], ["carolina", 1474], ["carolinas", 1474], ["regard", 1501], ["regarded", 1501], ["good", 1520], ["best", 1520], ["country", 1570], ["view", 1599], ["viewest", 1599], ["viewed", 1599], ["like", 1627], ["town", 1645], ["right", 1657], ["rightest", 1657], ["stranger", 1672], ["wait", 1684], ["waitest", 1684], ["waiting", 1684], ["write", 1725], ["writing", 1725], ["story", 1733], ["may", 1749], ["mays", 1749], ["mayest", 1749], ["might", 1749], ["good", 1761], ["people", 1776], ["oh", 1781], ["see", 1795], ["seen", 1795], ["drive", 1805], ["car", 1850], ["head", 1859], ["around", 1866], ["front", 1872], ["shake", 1888], ["shaken", 1888], ["recognize", 1911], ["recognizing", 1911], ["confident", 1925], ["city", 1930], ["swagger", 1938], ["immediately", 1957], ["another", 1979], ["long", 1989], ["longs", 1989], ["line", 1994], ["visit", 2013], ["visiting", 2013], ["someplace", 2028], ["exotic", 2040], ["believe", 2062], ["believed", 2062], ["deep", 2080], ["deeply", 2080], ["understanding", 2094], ["reis", 2111], ["real", 2111], ["world", 2117], ["claim", 2147], ["claimed", 2147], ["life", 2157], ["lifes", 2157], ["far", 2170], ["exciting", 2184], ["move", 2222], ["moved", 2222], ["away", 2227], ["year", 2241], ["years", 2241], ["ago", 2245], ["fall", 2261], ["falls", 2261], ["fallen", 2261], ["thing", 2298], ["things", 2298], ["refuse", 2316], ["refused", 2316], ["take", 2328], ["taken", 2328], ["idea", 2345], ["ideas", 2345], ["cardinal", 2364], ["land", 2371], ["landed", 2371], ["outside", 2386], ["windowsill", 2397], ["watch", 2411], ["watched", 2411], ["clear", 2425], ["clearest", 2425], ["sigh", 2452], ["sighest", 2452], ["sighed", 2452], ["okay", 2459], ["decide", 2473], ["decided", 2473], ["probably", 2495], ["go", 2498], ["goest", 2498], ["talk", 2503], ["new", 2525], ["york", 2530], ["yorks", 2530], ["come", 2582], ["way", 2595], ["ways", 2595], ["southern", 2610], ["hospitality", 2622], ["well", 2630], ["wells", 2630], ["job", 2641], ["jobbing", 2641], ["require", 2650], ["required", 2650], ["help", 2662], ["helpest", 2662], ["find", 2671], ["need", 2686], ["needest", 2686], ["needed", 2686], ["important", 2703], ["though", 2712], ["able", 2732], ["abled", 2732], ["keep", 2740], ["keepest", 2740], ["eye", 2747], ["eyed", 2747], ["filter", 2781], ["filterest", 2781], ["information", 2797], ["understand", 2828], ["understanded", 2828], ["part", 2843], ["parting", 2843], ["parts", 2843], ["live", 2856], ["living", 2856], ["yes", 2873], ["handle", 2892], ["besides", 2916], ["admit", 2935], ["rather", 2954], ["look", 2967], ["looking", 2967], ["trust", 3001], ["trusted", 3001], ["jeremy", 3010], ["look", 3023], ["looked", 3023], ["pace", 3052], ["aisle", 3070], ["aisles", 3070], ["arm", 3081], ["arms", 3081], ["cross", 3089], ["crossing", 3089], ["crossed", 3089], ["glance", 3100], ["glancing", 3100], ["every", 3135], ["frown", 3159], ["frowns", 3159], ["frowned", 3159], ["wonder", 3177], ["wonderest", 3177], ["wondering", 3177], ["anything", 3208], ["dicken", 3219], ["dickens", 3219], ["chaucer", 3229], ["austen", 3241], ["ask", 3255], ["asked", 3255], ["wonder", 3279], ["wonderest", 3279], ["wondered", 3279], ["react", 3298], ["respond", 3315], ["respondest", 3315], ["responded", 3315], ["know", 3340], ["knowest", 3340], ["knowing", 3340], ["readily", 3360], ["admit", 3369], ["admitted", 3369], ["know", 3386], ["knowest", 3386], ["simply", 3412], ["assumption", 3433], ["stare", 3464], ["stared", 3464], ["tongue", 3482], ["tonguing", 3482], ["tie", 3487], ["tying", 3487], ["tieing", 3487], ["tied", 3487], ["see", 3512], ["saw", 3512], ["early", 3524], ["cemetery", 3540], ["predictable", 3561], ["tug", 3574], ["tugging", 3574], ["tugged", 3574], ["sweater", 3589], ["procrastinate", 3607], ["procrastinated", 3607], ["procrastinating", 3607], ["last", 3620], ["moment", 3627], ["start", 3643], ["starting", 3643], ["toward", 3650], ["professional", 3677], ["remind", 3692], ["reminded", 3692], ["mission", 3723], ["suppose", 3743], ["announce", 3785], ["announced", 3785], ["force", 3795], ["forcing", 3795], ["tight", 3803], ["smile", 3809], ["glance", 3826], ["glanced", 3826], ["sound", 3842], ["voice", 3855], ["seem", 3886], ["seeming", 3886], ["seemed", 3886], ["froze", 3893], ["frozen", 3893], ["freeze", 3893], ["freezing", 3893], ["smile", 3931], ["smiled", 3931], ["recognition", 3946], ["set", 3950], ["friendly", 3974], ["enough", 3981], ["dimple", 3992], ["little", 4028], ["offset", 4071], ["confidence", 4086], ["eye", 4098], ["eyed", 4098], ["eyes", 4098], ["lex", 4115], ["short", 4135], ["lexie", 4146], ["doris", 4183], ["call", 4189], ["calls", 4189], ["librarian", 4222], ["librarians", 4222], ["hung", 4252], ["hang", 4252], ["hangs", 4252], ["hanging", 4252], ["cemetery", 4270], ["cemeteries", 4270], ["ignore", 4283], ["ignoring", 4283], ["stare", 4291], ["stared", 4291], ["staring", 4291], ["man", 4295], ["mans", 4295], ["manned", 4295], ["men", 4295], ["try", 4303], ["tryed", 4303], ["say", 4346], ["sayest", 4346], ["said", 4346], ["try", 4355], ["tryed", 4355], ["trying", 4355], ["drawl", 4364], ["drawls", 4364], ["drawled", 4364], ["drawlest", 4364], ["word", 4374], ["words", 4374], ["past", 4417], ["straighten", 4435], ["straightened", 4435], ["shelf", 4460], ["examine", 4480], ["examined", 4480], ["accent", 4497], ["accenting", 4497], ["cut", 4510], ["letter", 4586], ["lettering", 4586], ["letters", 4586], ["crossword", 4602], ["puzzle", 4609], ["laugh", 4625], ["laughed", 4625], ["easily", 4632], ["comment", 4657], ["definitely", 4670], ["lady", 4679], ["ladies", 4679], ["man", 4685], ["mans", 4685], ["manned", 4685], ["think", 4699], ["thinkest", 4699], ["thought", 4699], ["continue", 4715], ["continued", 4715], ["straighten", 4729], ["straightened", 4729], ["straightening", 4729]]

`` that witch of yours was doing magic in there . mace went in to check it out and came back with a scorch mark on his shoulder . she sent him on a cheeseburger run . i do n't know why we 're keeping her alive . she 's a danger to us . we should kill her now . we do n't owe the other preternaturals anything . '' `` i 'll be the one to kill her . there is no we in this equation . and i 'll kill her when i 'm good and damn ready . '' `` y-yes , sir , '' the demon said , losing his bravery . tam stumbled back as cain ran into her . he arched a brow in that sexy way she did n't want to overthink . `` you sent one of my demons on a cheeseburger run ? '' do you understand humans eat food ? '' he looked sheepish but quickly recovered his badass demeanor . `` what kind of magic were you doing in here ? '' `` just unpacking my things . '' `` what do you mean for what purpose ? to f**king have them . to wear normal freaking clothes ! you think i want to flounce around here wearing something a micro-step above a negligee ? cain pushed past her and emptied the bags , sorting through her things . `` i 'm taking the books and all magical tools and herbs and potions . you 'll have no use for them here , and if you think i 'm sitting around while you concoct some incantation to seal me in a jar for all eternity , you 're insane . '' she would n't tell him that she hardly needed any of that to incant . she was far past that level . all she needed was her mind and voice . even so , it took everything in her to keep her anger at bay . if cain intended to kill her , taking her books and tools away was like he was taking her identity with him . asking him to kill her had seemed like a smart option , but if she was going to just sit on death row waiting for him to lose control with her while everything that held any meaning in her life was taken away ... it made her blood boil . she struggled with the last energy reserves she had to throw a ball of gleaming purple energy at him . he dropped the books and rounded on her , his eyes glowing red , fangs descending . he let the demon come out and shifted fully , letting his true face and form out . he was larger as a demon , with reddish-brown-scaled skin . deadly claws forced their way out of larger fingertips , and horns popped out of his shoulders like antlers . his clothing ripped from the transformation like a cheesy hulk movie . in his true form , he oozed menace and fear and hatred and anger and every bad feeling in the universe . his voice was distorted when he spoke . maybe someone else would have huddled in a corner and cried , but tam was n't someone else . `` do you have a thirty-second memory ? i want you to take me out of this world . are you tired of me yet ? bored yet ? '' she threw another ball of energy . it had formed much more slowly than the others , but she did n't care . she threw it anyway . cain leaped out of the way and charged her . he gripped her wrists so she could n't throw any more . the joke was on him , because she was tapped out . he was still in the demon form , looking her over like she was prime rib . `` let me tell you how it 's going to go , little girl . you 've pissed me off for the last time . i will take you out when i 'm good and ready , but before i do , i vow i 'll make you love me . you 'll beg me to keep you . and then i 'll laugh and kill you . '' tam was out of magic , but not out of stupidity . he let go of her and glared . tam rubbed her wrists where he 'd held them so tightly . `` let me let you in on a secret , '' she said . `` in order for me to love you , you 'd have to be charming and halfway decent . a task you 're failing miserably at . '' she doubted he could pull off charming and halfway decent even on his best day . `` i 've got more experience in the art of seduction than you 're prepared to handle . '' he went back to the circle , packed up her stuff and lugged it out of the tent behind him . it took him three trips . she rushed to the doorway and pulled the tent flap back to yell at him . `` oh , and taking all my shit ? brilliant first move . i 'll be swooning by dinnertime . '' the demon guard showed up with a bag from a fast food joint and a soft drink . she glared at him and ripped it out of his hands , then went back to her tent .

[["witch", 13], ["witched", 13], ["magic", 38], ["mace", 54], ["go", 59], ["goest", 59], ["went", 59], ["check", 71], ["come", 87], ["came", 87], ["back", 92], ["scorch", 106], ["scorched", 106], ["mark", 111], ["marks", 111], ["shoulder", 127], ["shouldered", 127], ["send", 138], ["sent", 138], ["cheeseburger", 160], ["run", 164], ["know", 180], ["knowest", 180], ["keep", 199], ["keepest", 199], ["keeping", 199], ["alive", 209], ["danger", 227], ["kill", 250], ["owe", 274], ["owes", 274], ["owing", 274], ["preternatural", 299], ["anything", 308], ["equation", 379], ["good", 415], ["damn", 424], ["damned", 424], ["ready", 430], ["yes", 444], ["sir", 450], ["sirs", 450], ["demon", 465], ["say", 470], ["sayest", 470], ["said", 470], ["lose", 479], ["losing", 479], ["bravery", 491], ["tam", 497], ["stumble", 506], ["stumbled", 506], ["cain", 519], ["run", 523], ["ran", 523], ["arch", 544], ["arched", 544], ["brow", 551], ["sexy", 564], ["way", 568], ["ways", 568], ["overthink", 598], ["overthinks", 598], ["demon", 629], ["demons", 629], ["understand", 674], ["understanded", 674], ["human", 681], ["humans", 681], ["eat", 685], ["food", 690], ["foods", 690], ["look", 705], ["looked", 705], ["sheepish", 714], ["quickly", 726], ["recover", 736], ["recovered", 736], ["badass", 747], ["demeanor", 756], ["kind", 771], ["unpack", 826], ["unpacking", 826], ["thing", 836], ["things", 836], ["mean", 861], ["meanest", 861], ["purpose", 878], ["wear", 911], ["normal", 918], ["clad", 935], ["clothe", 935], ["clothes", 935], ["think", 947], ["thinkest", 947], ["flounce", 965], ["around", 972], ["wear", 985], ["wearing", 985], ["micro", 1003], ["step", 1008], ["negligee", 1025], ["push", 1039], ["pushed", 1039], ["past", 1044], ["empty", 1060], ["emptied", 1060], ["bag", 1069], ["bagged", 1069], ["bagging", 1069], ["bags", 1069], ["sort", 1079], ["sorting", 1079], ["take", 1115], ["taking", 1115], ["book", 1125], ["books", 1125], ["magical", 1141], ["tool", 1147], ["tools", 1147], ["herb", 1157], ["herbs", 1157], ["potion", 1169], ["potions", 1169], ["use", 1191], ["sat", 1237], ["sit", 1237], ["sitting", 1237], ["concoct", 1262], ["concoctest", 1262], ["incantation", 1279], ["seal", 1287], ["jar", 1299], ["jared", 1299], ["jarred", 1299], ["jarring", 1299], ["eternity", 1316], ["insane", 1333], ["tell", 1357], ["hardly", 1377], ["need", 1384], ["needest", 1384], ["needed", 1384], ["incant", 1406], ["far", 1420], ["level", 1436], ["mind", 1466], ["minding", 1466], ["voice", 1476], ["even", 1483], ["evens", 1483], ["take", 1496], ["took", 1496], ["everything", 1507], ["keep", 1522], ["keepest", 1522], ["anger", 1532], ["bay", 1539], ["intend", 1558], ["intendest", 1558], ["intended", 1558], ["away", 1604], ["like", 1613], ["identity", 1640], ["ask", 1658], ["asking", 1658], ["seem", 1685], ["seeming", 1685], ["seemed", 1685], ["smart", 1698], ["option", 1705], ["go", 1728], ["goest", 1728], ["going", 1728], ["sat", 1740], ["sit", 1740], ["death", 1749], ["row", 1753], ["rowest", 1753], ["wait", 1761], ["waitest", 1761], ["waiting", 1761], ["lose", 1777], ["control", 1785], ["hold", 1821], ["held", 1821], ["meaning", 1833], ["life", 1845], ["lifes", 1845], ["take", 1855], ["taken", 1855], ["blood", 1882], ["bloods", 1882], ["blooded", 1882], ["boil", 1887], ["boils", 1887], ["struggle", 1903], ["struggled", 1903], ["last", 1917], ["energy", 1924], ["reserve", 1933], ["reserved", 1933], ["reserving", 1933], ["reserves", 1933], ["throw", 1950], ["ball", 1957], ["gleam", 1969], ["gleams", 1969], ["gleamed", 1969], ["gleamest", 1969], ["gleaming", 1969], ["purple", 1976], ["drop", 2003], ["dropped", 2003], ["round", 2025], ["rounded", 2025], ["eye", 2043], ["eyed", 2043], ["eyes", 2043], ["glow", 2051], ["glowest", 2051], ["glowing", 2051], ["red", 2055], ["fang", 2063], ["fangs", 2063], ["let", 2083], ["lets", 2083], ["come", 2098], ["shift", 2114], ["shifted", 2114], ["fully", 2120], ["let", 2130], ["lets", 2130], ["letting", 2130], ["true", 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with each step , i realized more fully how ready i was for this . i did n't think i would be , even when i agreed to marry him . i worried , all the way up until the moment i saw him at the altar , that i would n't be ready . with every step closer to the man i loved , i realized that this was exactly what i wanted , and you could n't have dragged me away from the altar with a thousand wild horses . at long last i reached him . a step up , a second , and then his hands were in mine , holding me , steadying me . his eyes burned into mine , the love in his gaze bringing tears of happiness to my eyes . `` dearly beloved , '' the minister began , `` we are gathered here today to celebrate the blessed union of this man and this woman ... '' it really sank in then , as the minister began his brief sermon : i 'm getting married . there was no `` dearly beloved '' besides darren , jamie , and jared . but then i peeked out at the chapel and saw a man a few years older than jeff who i took to be his brother sitting next to an older woman with graying hair and eyes dark brown like jeff 's . i took a deep , wavering breath to steady myself , clutching jeff 's hands for dear life . i tuned in to the minister 's words of advice regarding marriage , trite platitudes that suddenly took on new meaning as i contemplated the reality of being married to jeff . then came the vows . the minister turned to me first , and jamie reached up to hand me my sheet of paper . i needed several breaths to calm myself enough to speak . `` jeff , i wish i could explain to you how much you mean to me . i wish i had words to say how deeply entwined you are into the woman i 've become . you 've swept me off my feet and turned my life into a fairytale , because you are my happily ever after . i do n't care what 's happened in the past , and i 'm not worried about what will happen in the future . all i need is you with me , every day . most wedding vows have promises like 'in sickness and in health , for richer or for poorer . ' i promise you those things . money , health , those things are a part of life . what i promise you is forever . i promise you all of me . i promise you every last shred of myself , day in , day out , no matter what . even when you 're being a stupid jerk . '' i laughed , half-sobbing , and took a moment to compose myself . `` i 'm never a stupid jerk , '' jeff said . now shut up and let me say my vows . i scanned the paper and found my spot , near the end . `` i promise to love you , even when i do n't feel like it . i promise to take care of you . i promise to listen to you , because you 're usually right . i promise , above everything , to be faithful to you , and only you , for as long as we both live . i love you , jeff cartwright . '' the minister nodded and turned to jeff . `` and your vows ? '' `` mine are a bit ... different . darren reached into his suit coat pocket and pulled out a wireless microphone , handed it to jeff . music began to play from the pa system , soft country strains . i recognized the song : `` wanted '' by hunter hayes . jeff lifted the mic to his lips , and for the second time in two days , a man sang to me . if i had n't already known it , jeff singing a sweet country song to me as his vows proved i 'd made the right choice . i did n't feel on the spot , or pressured , or frightened . this was a soft serenade , a dedication set to music . his arm went around my waist , my hand joined his on the mic and i sang the harmony , our bodies swaying to the rhythm , our eyes locked on each other . everything faded except the music , except jeff 's deep , strong voice weaving around mine , the words of the song with their soul- deep , so-perfect meaning . i did n't need the words of the song to hear jeff 's promises to me . they were written in his eyes . they were proven in the way he loved me , in the fact of this wedding . i would be wanted , every day . i would be loved , every moment . the song ended , but jeff stood holding me , one arm around my waist , one hand on the mic . `` i know you heard what i was saying with that song , '' jeff said , `` but it 's just not enough . forever is n't enough . no words are enough . i want to make you feel wanted every minute of your life . i want to wrap you up and protect you .

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i 'm going to be a pastor . '' and this is why i 'm strong now . i let this boy in , and he ruined my life ! he went on to say that not only does he think it is un-christian to like clothes , but his parents also think i 'm materialistic . needless to say , i went shopping after that event . kristin helped me take back all the clothes i bought that day knowing a college student could n't afford them . i have n't seen bobby since . but i 'm guessing he grew out of his stupidity and is now pastoring a thriving church somewhere in the bible belt . i decide to uncross tyler because i should have dated more than four people in my lifetime . there 's no way i 'll count the dates that never went past the first meeting . plus , it seems like a depressing endeavor to undergo on such a stressful day . the phone ringing interrupts my thoughts , reeling me back into reality . `` hi , amanda , it 's jane . '' jane is one of my managers at work . she 's stupid ; sweet , but stupid . you know the girls that seem to steal brain cells from you just by being in their presence ? her dad is our district manager , so she did n't have to climb the corporate ladder like everyone else . i ask , trying to sound polite , even though i 'm annoyed by the interruption . she giggles , and i roll my eyes , praying for the phone to disconnect . `` well , i just got the go ahead from daddy to launch our new local ad campaign . '' why is she calling me on a sunday to tell me this ? `` and , '' she pauses for dramatic effect , `` he also let me pick out the male models . and you know what 's so great , amanda ? '' `` nope , but i 'm sure you 're going to tell me , '' i joke , half kidding , half totally serious . `` one of them knows you . '' someone call an ambulance ; my heart just stopped . it has to be preston . because come on , if we 're honest this is how my life is going right now . it has to be him , how did he do this ? why is he weaseling his way into my life like this ? `` his name is preston , he 's one of the firefighters from the calen- '' `` right , '' i cut her off . `` well , sounds great . she shrieks on the other end making me pull the phone away from my ear . `` i have to send all of them to you this afternoon so we can get the measurements for the shoot tomorrow . you should expect them around two . '' i look at my clock and pale . it 's one forty-five . i warn loudly not even bothering to hide my frustration . `` sorry , i was busy . plus , i thought you were one of those people who went to church . geez , calm down . '' i 'm hyperventilating into the phone . `` so that 's all . make sure you get all of their measurements . they have to take off their shirts , too , so we can see the correct fit of the muscle t 's . makes me wish i had your job . she hangs up , leaving me in a state of panic and disarray . i look down and moan . yup , still in the sweat pants . i hear my door bell and feel myself say in slow motion , `` just a sec ! '' only it sounds low , like you see on tv when they do the really dramatic scenes . luckily , my body is still moving at normal speed , so i dive into my room like a tornado and throw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt , grab my measuring supplies , and return to unbolt the door . it 's mr. february . i remember because he has blue eyes you can get lost in , yet he looks way older than me , most likely in his fortys . `` hey , sorry to barge in , but the girl at the store said- '' i cut him off with my hand . he stuffs his hands in his pockets and ducks , yes i did say ducks , into my family room . he turns to smile at me , but his teeth were , well , let 's just say , not straight . now i know why he did n't smile in the calendar picture . he does have a good smolder , but a good smile ? i did his measurements and sent him on his way . january was next , then march , april , june , may , september , november , july , and august . all i had left was october and december . i was hoping that mr. october would arrive before mr. december , then maybe i could bolt my door closed and say something in a creepy accent . `` she no here no more , she die . ''

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chief mzebeneni , this is dr. carter , said joseph . the man stood up and walked around to her , his hand extended . dr. carter , i am very sorry about the unfortunate business with your sister , he said , shaking his head . he pulled a couple of plastic chairs from against the wall , and waited for them both to sit before walking around his desk and sitting down . straightening his tie , he prepared himself for what was to come . he had the gaunt , overworked , harassed look of a government employee and shifted uncomfortably in his chair as if he wished he were somewhere else . his light blue dress shirt was soaked with sweat under his arms and his eyes darted between her and joseph . as i have said to that mr. anderson , we are doing everything we can to find your sister . it was not necessary that you come all this way . maybe not , but now that im here i might as well do something useful , she smiled , trying to keep her anger under control . the anger had replaced the shock at realizing that the police force she had hung her hopes on was a joke . the chief sat back in his seat and watched her for a momentcontemplating what ? he finally reached forward and pulled a file from the bottom of a pile . he scanned it briefly before glancing at her then read from the page in his hand . angelina carter and karen jacobs left mugunga camp on the morning of january 5th in search of refugees in the mountains . an escort was to accompany them into the forest . the truck with the escort had a flat tire , which was not immediately fixable due to the spare tire was missing . your sister and karen jacobs went into the forest on their own . the following day the escort arrived and followed their tracks . they found the body of karen jacobs , a un aid worker at the village of kikwe . she had been shot and burned . they searched the area further , then brought what was left of the body back , having found no other remains . they did , according to this report , find signs to indicate that angelina carter may have left that village alive . the second search party has not yet returned , he finished , closing the file again . the search party , is it yours ? dr. carter , i am sure you know it is not . it is unfortunate , but i have not the manpower to spare . it is a un search party of local soldiers and trackers they hired . i have every confidence that if your sister is still alive , they are sure to find her . i wish there was more i could tell you , but you must understand , the jungle , it is a hard place . worse now . the refugees bring problems here , and there are rebel soldiers who live in the forest hiding from our government . it is a very bad place to be now . i assure you , my hands are tied . mr. mzeke . mzebeneni he said , helping . mr. mzebeneni . he shook his head , satisfied and smiled . she continued , my sister is alive and all you have done is write a report . there must be something more you can do to find her . dr. carter , you must understand . i have very few officers and very many reports of crimes that need attention . have you not noticed the lines of people outside my office that need help ? people murdered , vanished , property stolen . there are many urgent cases that arrived at my attention long before your sisters disappearance . yes , but i must insist that you , as the local authority , do more to see that she is found . a report is not going to get her found . i can do better than file a damn report , she said her voice rising as she gave in to the anger . i see , he said and leaning forward , stared at her . tell me , dr. carter , it is my guess you want your sisters case to have special treatment ? she nodded , relieved to be getting through . he smiled at her and she smiled back , feeling a little more charitable . so that i can be clear , he said . must i forget all my other cases and duties for her case because she is white or because she is american ? he pointed a finger at her , stabbing the air with it . i advise that you accept what we already know . your sister is not coming out of that jungle alive . go home , before something happens to you . call it advice , dr. carter , he replied coldly , his eyes direct and angry . he returned to his paperwork , dismissing them . *** you must put your head in front of your words . joseph shrugged , unlocked her car door and she got in , careful not to let her skin touch the hot leather seats . she sat in the oven heat until a drop of sweat slid off her nose . she rolled down the window and turned to see joseph talking to a woman wrapped from head to toe in a bright blue print cloth .

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he was almost too thin , and his eyes were marked with dark circles , making him look older than his forty-five years . `` yes , and the parliament also knows the clock is ticking down . perhaps you would not have this trouble if you would open discussions to change our barbaric laws . '' and the minute they did , radical religious groups would be all over it , attempting to rip out all language that made bezakistan a secular country with a free market economy . certain lobbyists would also love to challenge the way wealth was distributed , taking from the mere citizens and putting even more into their own already rich-beyond-compare pockets . and khalil would attempt to do what his father could n't . take back power and place it in his own tyrannical hands . `` too late now , so we shall muddle through . '' now it was time for a bit of deception . `` kade is going to talk to the dutch ambassador about a possible meeting with their princess . we have a bit of time left . and we are not hideous trolls . we can always buy a bride if need be . '' khalil 's shoulders moved in a lazy shrug . `` you probably can , and i can see talib doing that . he 's a ruthless bastard . i 'm certain he has a checklist and would simply order one off the internet if he could . kadir just wants a pretty place to put his dick on a regular basis . but you , my cousin , you are the difficult one . you are the one who , what is the phrase ? yes , you are the one who thinks with your heart , not your head . not so smart but true . you think i do n't see the way you look at that fluffy piece of american ass ? '' before he could think , he had his cousin 's shirt wadded in his hands , hauling him forward . `` you do n't ever speak of her that way . you will mind your manners around her or we will have a problem , you and i . '' khalil 's voice was pure menace . `` yes , i can see she is just an important guest for her knowledge of energy and economics . you would never be so foolish as to marry someone for anything but political reasons , and an american would be a terrible idea . you have certainly thought this through . '' rafe let him go . damn , he 'd made a terrible mistake . he 'd lost his cool and given away something important . he took a step back , his mind racing , trying to find a way out of the trap khalil had baited him into . `` i wo n't have any woman treated with disrespect , especially one who is our guest . i confess , i like piper very much . we discussed her as a potential bride , if you must know . but talib will never marry a commoner . so i am thinking of making piper my mistress . if the others are going to force me into a marriage i do n't want , then i will find love where i can . i will pretend to be in love with our bride , but my mistress will always have my heart . '' `` if you say so , rafiq . '' khalil smiled smugly . `` i will look forward to this evening . and i will be watching . '' chapter seven piper looked down over the banquet space . the grand hall had been completely transformed from cool and elegant to a rich , decadent space . the lights were shining , shimmering . the room was beyond splendid . the smell of spice filled the air , reminding piper that she 'd skipped lunch . the food had been brought to her , a sumptuous feast laid out for her pleasure . as she 'd thought the words , she 'd realized they could apply to her as well . later this evening , she would be laid out for the al mussad brothers , and she 'd worried she was a little too sumptuous for them . she 'd spent a whole afternoon preparing , ostensibly for the banquet , but she knew what the whole spa experience had really been about . she had n't needed a brazilian wax to sit with dignitaries and talk economics . alea appeared at her side , wearing a long flowing dress in a midnight blue color . the draping of the dress perfectly suited her petite figure . she was a beauty with golden skin and deep brown eyes . her rich chocolate-colored hair was chicly cut in a long bob that brushed the tops of her shoulders . she was so unlike the other women piper had met . alea was kind but deeply aloof . now that lovely face frowned at piper . piper 's heart sank a little . alea had been like this all afternoon , offering piper transportation out of the country every time she made mention of her home or a little thing that was different between the two countries . alea seemed genuinely fond of her cousins , but piper could n't overlook the fact that the girl seemed determined to whisk her away from them . `` i chose to be here , you know .

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`` do you think he 's in love with her ? '' `` i think nate cares only about himself , '' said tessa . `` there 's worse , too . benedict lightwood is working for mortmain . that is why he is scheming to get the institute . so the magister can have it . and have me . nate knows all about it , of course . tessa looked at her hands again . jessamine 's hands . smal and delicate in their fine white kid gloves . oh , nate , she thought . a unt harriet used to call him her blue-eyed boy . `` i expect that was before he kil ed her , '' said will . only then did tessa realize she had spoken aloud . `` and there he is again , '' he added , in a mutter , under his breath . tessa glanced out at the crowd and saw nate , his fair hair like a beacon , coming toward her . in his hand was a glass of sparkling golden liquid . she turned to tell will to hurry away , but he had already vanished . `` fizzy lemonade , '' said nate , coming up to her and thrusting the glass into her hand . the ice-cold sides felt good against the heat of her skin . she took a sip ; despite everything , it was delicious . nate stroked her hair back from her forehead . `` now , you were saying , '' he said . `` you did hide the book in my sister 's room ... '' `` yes , just as you told me to do , '' tessa fibbed . `` she suspects nothing , of course . '' `` nate ... '' `` yes ? '' `` do you know what the magister intends to do with your sister ? '' `` i 've told you , she is n't my sister . '' nate 's voice was clipped . `` and i 've no idea what he plans to do with her , nor any interest . my plans are all for my -our future together . i should hope that you are as dedicated ? '' tessa thought of jessamine , sitting sul enly in the room with the other shadowhunters while they shuffled through papers about mortmain ; jessamine fal ing asleep at the table rather than leave when they were discussing plans with ragnor fell . and tessa pitied her even as she hated nate , hated him so much it felt like fire in her throat . i 've told you , she is n't my sister . tessa let her eyes widen , her lip tremble . `` i 'm doing the best i can , nate , '' she said . she felt a faint sense of triumph as she watched him visibly beat back his annoyance . shall we dance again ? '' she clutched the glass in her hand . `` oh , i do n't know ... '' `` of course , '' nate chuckled , `` they do say a gentleman should dance only the first set or two with his wife . '' it was as if time had stopped : everything in the room seemed to freeze along with her , even the smirk on nate 's face . he and jessamine were married ? said nate , his voice sounding as if it were coming from far away . you 've gone white as a sheet . '' a dull , mechanical voice spoke from behind nate 's shoulder . it was one of the blank-faced automatons , holding out a silver tray on which was a folded piece of paper . `` a message for you . '' nate turned in surprise and plucked the paper from the tray ; tessa watched as he unfolded it , read it , cursed , and stuffed it into his coat pocket . `` a note from himself . '' he must mean the magister , tessa thought . `` i 'm needed apparently . a dreadful bore , but what can you do ? '' he took her hand and raised her to her feet , then leaned in for a chaste kiss on the cheek . `` speak to benedict ; he'l make sure you 're escorted back out to the carriage , mrs . he spoke the last two words in a whisper . tessa nodded numbly . `` good girl , '' nate said . then he turned and vanished into the crowd , fol owed by the automaton . tessa stared after them both dizzily . it must be the shock , she thought , but everything in the room had begun to look a little- peculiar . it was as if she could see each individual ray of light sparking off the crystals of the chandelier . the effect was beautiful , if strange and a little dizzying . it was will , evolving effortlessly into the space beside her . he looked flushed , as if he had been running-another beautiful , strange effect , she thought , the black hair and mask , the blue eyes and fair skin , and the flush across his high cheekbones . it was like looking at a painting . `` i see your brother got the note . '' `` you sent it . ''

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for leaving on purpose , perhaps , as her brother had left her and her parents , but not for dying , the power over which was surely beyond the grasp of any mortal human . `` i 'm glad you 're all here , '' charlotte said in a strained voice that snapped cecily out of her brown study . charlotte was looking gravely down at a polished salver on her desk , on which was an opened letter and a small packet wrapped in waxed paper . `` i have received a disturbing piece of correspondence . from the magister . '' `` from mortmain ? '' tessa leaned forward , and the clockwork angel she always wore around her neck swung free , glittering in the light from the fire . `` he wrote to you ? '' `` not to inquire about your health , one presumes , '' said will . `` i will read you the letter . '' my dear mrs. branwell , forgive me for troubling you at what must be a distressing time for your household . i was grieved , though i must confess not shocked , to hear of mr. carstairs 's grave indisposition . i believe you are aware that i am the happy possessor of a large-i might say exclusively large-portion of the medicine that mr. carstairs requires for his continued well-being . thus we find ourselves in a most interesting situation , which i am eager to resolve to the satisfaction of us both . i would be very glad to make an exchange : if you are willing to confide miss gray to my keeping , i will place a large portion of yin fen in yours . i send a token of my goodwill . pray let me know your decision by writing to me . if the correct sequence of numbers that are printed at the bottom of this letter , are spoken to my automaton , i am sure to receive it . yours sincerely , axel mortmain `` that is all , '' charlotte said , folding the letter in half and placing it back on the salver . `` there are instructions on how to summon the automaton to which he wishes us to give our answer , and there are the number he speaks of , but they give no clue as to his location . '' cecily , who had seated herself in a small flowered armchair , glanced at will and saw him look away quickly as if to hide his expression . jem paled , his face turning the color of old ash , and tessa-tessa sat very still , the light from the fire chasing shadows across her face . `` mortmain wants me , '' she said finally , breaking the silence . `` in exchange for jem 's yin fen . '' `` it is ridiculous , '' jem said . `` untenable . the letter should be given to the clave to see if they can discern anything about his location from it , but that is all . '' `` they will not be able to discern anything about his location from it , '' said will quietly . `` the magister has proved himself over and over too clever for that . '' `` this is not clever , '' said jem . `` this is the crudest form of blackmail- '' `` i do not disagree , '' said will . `` i say we take the packet as a blessing , a handful more of yin fen that will help you , and we ignore the rest . '' `` mortmain wrote the letter about me , '' tessa said , interrupting them both . `` the decision should be mine . '' she angled her body toward charlotte . there was another dead silence . charlotte looked ashen ; cecily could feel her own hands slippery with sweat where they twisted in her lap . the lightwood brothers seemed desperately uncomfortable . gabriel looked as if he wished he were anywhere else but there . cecily could hardly blame them . the tension between will , jem , and tessa felt like a powder keg that needed only a match to blow it to kingdom come . `` no , '' jem said finally , rising to his feet . `` tessa , you can not . '' she followed his motion , rising as well . you are my fiance . i can not allow you to die when i might help you , and mortmain does not mean me physical harm- '' `` we do not know what he means ! he can not be trusted ! '' will said suddenly , and then he put his head down , his hand gripping the mantel so hard that his fingers were white . cecily could tell he was forcing himself to be silent . `` if it were you mortmain wanted , will , you would go , '' said tessa , looking at cecily 's brother with a meaning in her eyes that brooked no contradiction . will flinched at her words . `` i would forbid him as well . '' tessa turned to jem with the first expression of anger toward him cecily had ever seen on her face . `` you can not forbid me-any more than you could will- '' `` i can , '' jem said . `` for a very simple reason .

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the comte approached and kissed the back of her hand , then he retrieved the note from l'esprit and returned it to his pocket . `` i will look into moving you . i no longer feel this residence is a safe haven . '' with that , he left , closing the door behind him . lysette lay with her cheek to her pillow and wept silently , fearful that she would not be allowed to learn of her past before her future became the death of her . `` your life is a mess . '' she jumped , her heart racing at the sound of the low voice behind her . rolling , she faced the sitting room door and found simon lounging there , his gaze trained on the exit desjardins had just made his egress through . she asked , struggling to sit up while swiping furiously at her wet cheeks . `` come now , '' he chided , straightening . `` we all have our ways . '' lysette watched him enter her bedchamber as if he owned it . he caught up the chair the comte had just vacated , spun it about , and sat with his arms crossed atop the back . he was so blatantly male and dominant in the overtly feminine surroundings of her rose-hued bedroom , making no effort to meld or be less incongruous . simon contrasted so completely with edward that she could not fail to note it . edward was every inch a male and a strikingly intense one at that , yet he had tempered that for her this morning . her chest grew tight and she pushed the memory away . it was simply too much for her beleaguered and weary soul to manage . `` tell me about yourself , lysette , '' he drawled , his gaze narrowed and examining . `` i should kill you for trespassing , '' she hissed , hiding her tumult under aggression , as she had learned to do to stay alive . `` i should like to see you make the attempt . you are as weak as a kitten . '' `` if i scream , help will come . '' `` the servants desjardins provided ? '' he was right , she was weak , something she had promised herself she would never be again . `` i am not here to injure you , '' he said softly , the levity leaving his features . `` i simply want to know who you are . '' `` i believe i have met a relation of yours , and i want to see if i am correct . '' lysette paled , her palms dampening with distress . `` what did your parents do to make you resort to this elaborate ruse ? '' `` threaten to marry you off ? cut your allowance ? '' `` this does not have anything to do with me . '' `` my family is dead . '' he made a chastising noise with his tongue . `` lying is a sin . though i suppose it is probably the least of yours . '' `` you are so smug , '' lysette snapped . `` as if you know everything . as if you are so superior . '' `` at the moment , i feel as if i know nothing at all . i do hope you will enlighten me . '' having survived due in large part to her ability to accurately judge others , lysette labored under the feeling that simon was being sincere . her mind told her it was a trick of some sort , her heart told her otherwise . `` your sister loves you a great deal and mourns deeply over your loss . do you care nothing for her ? is your heart so cold that you can excise her from your life without a qualm ? '' `` my s-sister ? '' lysette 's hand went to her throat as the room began to spin . her stomach roiled and she reached blindly for the basin on the nightstand . simon moved so quickly , he was at her side the same moment the chair he had occupied toppled to the floor . he held the basin beneath her mouth as she retched violently , her body so weakened it was unable to tolerate the stresses of the day . when she had finished , and had fallen back listlessly into the pillows , he moved to the door and locked it . a moment later a knock came and then the knob was tried , rattling briefly in an attempt to turn it . a feminine voice came muffled through the portal , `` madame marchant ? arching a brow , simon dared her to reveal his presence . lysette gasped for a deep breath , then answered . `` i knocked a chair over on the way to the chamberpot . there is nothing to worry yourself over . '' `` i will fetch the key and help you , '' madame fouche offered . i want sleep , nothing more . '' there was a long pause , then , `` very well . ring the bell on the table if you need me . '' simon stood with his ear to the door . eventually , he nodded and returned to her , righting the chair and sitting in it properly . he waited patiently for her to speak . she asked , her head throbbing unmercifully . spots danced before her eyes and sweat dotted her brow .

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she would have easily thought he did it out of obligation . the man was a rule follower , he did n't do things halfway . he would never compromise a lady and leave her . she loved him for a great many things , especially the way his mouth felt against her feet , and then her calf as he raised it next to his head and began brushing wet kisses all the way up the side of her leg . oddly she was n't one bit embarrassed , mesmerized , yes , but no shame accompanied his assault , only excitement and pleasure . large hands dug into the back of her head as he opened her mouth and suckled her tongue all the while dizzying her with passion . and then she felt his body leave hers . a sense of emptiness overwhelmed her and then a feeling of burning anticipation took its place . hastily sebastian threw down what was remaining of his clothes . his shirt and pantaloons . fortunately for emma she had already demanded he remove his clothing , leaving only a few objects to strip off . truly , he was beautiful . everything women accused him of and more . knowing that he hated being compared to a feminine attribute , she fought for words to describe the masculine beauty standing in front of her . hard muscles lined his body giving him the dominance of a modern day adonis . and then as if amused by her obvious assessment , he winked sending her stomach into a fit of butterflies . as he approached her , she leaned forward , careful not to stare too wide eyed at everything he represented , and then somehow she was in his arms , being kissed , being awakened . carefully he lifted her onto the bed , still kissing her lips and neck , and then his body was covering hers . desperate for him to be closer , she clawed at him , moaning for him , needing him more than she needed air . he was everywhere , her brain seemed to stop working because all she knew was she was desperate for him , ached for him , and only him , the good duke of tempest , sebastian st. james . chapter twenty-seven emma awoke in sebastian 's arms . the moonlight crept in through the windows , casting an angelic hue across his face . not always so angelic , she mused as her mind went back to the night of passion they had shared . suddenly grateful he had n't allowed himself to be seduced by the women his grandmother had thrown his way , she rested her hand across the bare muscled expanse of his back and laughed as she caressed lower and lower until sebastian , with a moan , grabbed her wrists and had her on her back . `` not tired , eh , my little minx ? '' nuzzling her neck , he flicked his tongue across her earlobe and continued to kiss her hotly across the sides of her face . emma was ready for more of sebastian . her body screamed for release . the love they had , the attraction they shared , it was unique-perfect . her pain was his pain and his pain hers . in that moment lying in his arms in his bed , she knew everything she had fought for years to keep in-the rejection of her family , of her friends , the loss of her reputation-it did n't matter , because she had love . sebastian tensed . `` i know this is all new to you , emma , but it must be said that laughing while a man is trying to ... please a lady is not necessarily a boon to his confidence . '' `` i 'm so-so sorry . '' emma giggled , finally able to relax . `` right , '' sebastian grumbled , though he did n't necessarily push her away . `` i just figured something out , something about myself that i 've been fighting for years . '' sebastian leaned down until his face was touching hers . `` care to clue me in on what exactly has you in a fit of giggles while i 'm trying to remove every memory of your tragic past from your consciousness ? '' emma was silent . because what was she to say when the good duke of tempest was talking about removing anything from her body ? you make me feel ... not so ruined . that my reputation , or lack thereof , was n't an obstacle for us . '' she shrugged , unable to fully explain her feelings . `` emma , reputation or not , you are perfect and i love you . it was foolish of me to think that by having a spotless reputation i would somehow avenge my parents ' death . '' `` ah , i shall tell you my story , if you tell me yours . '' emma nodded and waited . it was only at the end of the story that she realized tears were pouring down her face . `` oh , sebastian , i had no idea ! so that 's why you and rawlings ... '' `` yes , though in hindsight it seems ridiculous .

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1624], ["lipped", 1624], ["lips", 1624], ["neck", 1633], ["necked", 1633], ["cover", 1666], ["covering", 1666], ["desperate", 1683], ["close", 1704], ["closer", 1704], ["claw", 1717], ["clawed", 1717], ["moan", 1734], ["moans", 1734], ["moanest", 1734], ["moaning", 1734], ["need", 1752], ["needest", 1752], ["needing", 1752], ["need", 1777], ["needest", 1777], ["needed", 1777], ["air", 1781], ["airs", 1781], ["airing", 1781], ["everywhere", 1801], ["brain", 1813], ["brained", 1813], ["braining", 1813], ["seem", 1820], ["seeming", 1820], ["seemed", 1820], ["stop", 1828], ["work", 1836], ["wrought", 1836], ["working", 1836], ["know", 1857], ["knowest", 1857], ["knew", 1857], ["ache", 1895], ["ached", 1895], ["good", 1929], ["duke", 1934], ["duked", 1934], ["tempest", 1945], ["st", 1960], ["sts", 1960], ["jameses", 1967], ["chapter", 1977], ["twenty", 1984], ["seven", 1990], ["awoke", 2001], ["awake", 2001], ["moonlight", 2038], ["moonlights", 2038], ["moonlighted", 2038], ["creep", 2044], 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even with dirt and sweat running down his face , he looked young enough to be her son . `` hey , smitty , '' jolene said , heading toward him . he smiled , showing off his braces . `` hey , chiefs . '' tami came up beside jolene . `` are you calling your mom or is there some girlfriend pining away for you ? '' `` i 'm holding this spot for you two , '' he said . at their surprised look , he added : `` i just remembered , my girlfriend 's still at work . i ca n't call her for another hour . and besides '' -he gave them both a sheepish grin- '' i know i 'd want to hear from my mom . '' smitty backed away , leaving an opening in line . `` you sure you do n't have anyone you want to call ? '' they 're driving to see my grandma today . '' jolene looked at tami , who gave her a big smile . `` you 're the man , smitty , '' tami said . the women stepped into line ; smitty walked away , whistling . when the phone was free , tami stepped forward and made her call . as jolene listened to the singsong sound of her friend 's voice , she tapped her foot impatiently , flicked her fingers against the rough fabric of her pants , and then , finally , it was her turn . tami hung up , and jolene lurched forward , picked up the old-fashioned receiver , hot from so many hands , and called home . betsy answered , said `` hello ? '' and then yelled , `` it 's mom . '' jolene leaned against the sun-warmed side of the building , trying to ignore the line of soldiers behind her , but it was impossible . she could hear them moving around , talking , laughing . `` hey , bets . how 's your week been ? i 'm sorry i could n't call yesterday . they had us busy all day and night . '' betsy launched into a breathless story about a trauma at school . apparently betsy had been chosen last for volleyball teams in pe . sierra and zoe had been behind the humiliation , had pointed and laughed until betsy screamed at them to shut up and then received detention for her outburst . i got detention and it was all their fault . can you call my pe teacher and get me out of it ? '' jolene had ten minutes on the phone , and betsy had already used up six of those minutes telling her story . `` oh , honey , i ca n't do that , but if you- '' `` i get it . do n't worry about it , mom . lulu ! `` do n't be that way , betsy , '' jolene said , her guilt surfacing again . `` we get so little time to talk . '' `` i 'll write you an e-mail as soon as i can , okay ? '' `` like i said , mom , do n't worry about it . here 's lulu . '' `` betsy . there was only breathing on the other end ; then lulu was on the phone , sounding like a mouse on helium . at the end of a story about something she made for jolene out of macaroni and string , lulu said , `` i want you to read me a story tonight . '' `` i ca n't , baby . '' `` daddy , she 's not coming home yet ... '' `` hey , jo , '' michael said a second later , sounding as tired as she suddenly felt . `` lulu did n't say good-bye or 'i love you . ' '' `` she 's upset , jo . jolene had been on the phone eleven minutes . the soldiers behind her were starting to get restless . `` is she having nightmares again ? because if she is , she needs her yellow blanket and her pink ribbon . '' `` come on , jo . did you think the girls would say good-bye to their mother , watch her march off to war , and be fine ? '' behind her someone yelled out , `` come on , ma'am . we all have families . '' there was so much she wanted to say and no time to say it . michael 's silence gnawed at her nerves . `` i 'll write betsy an e-mail tonight . can you make sure she reads it before school ? '' so , your time 's up now ? '' `` great talk , jo , '' he said in a voice she could barely hear . she whispered `` good-bye , '' and hung up the phone . another soldier moved in next to her , picked up the receiver . jolene backed away ; she felt tami coming up beside her . they began the walk back to their barracks . `` betsy spent ten minutes telling me about her day and asking if i 'd call her teacher to get her out of detention , '' jolene said . tami laughed quietly .

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["later", 2894], ["tired", 2914], ["suddenly", 2930], ["feel", 2935], ["felt", 2935], ["say", 2957], ["sayest", 2957], ["good", 2962], ["bye", 2966], ["byes", 2966], ["love", 2977], ["upset", 3004], ["eleven", 3047], ["start", 3095], ["starting", 3095], ["restless", 3111], ["nightmare", 3141], ["nightmares", 3141], ["need", 3179], ["needest", 3179], ["needs", 3179], ["yellow", 3190], ["blanket", 3198], ["pink", 3211], ["ribbon", 3218], ["come", 3231], ["think", 3255], ["thinkest", 3255], ["girl", 3265], ["girls", 3265], ["mother", 3300], ["mothered", 3300], ["motherest", 3300], ["watch", 3308], ["march", 3318], ["marching", 3318], ["war", 3329], ["fine", 3343], ["madam", 3399], ["madams", 3399], ["family", 3422], ["families", 3422], ["much", 3445], ["silence", 3506], ["gnaw", 3513], ["gnawing", 3513], ["gnawed", 3513], ["nerve", 3527], ["nerves", 3527], ["read", 3598], ["reads", 3598], ["great", 3659], ["barely", 3710], ["whisper", 3731], ["whispered", 3731], ["soldier", 3788], ["soldiered", 3788], ["move", 3794], ["moved", 3794], ["next", 3802], ["begin", 3905], ["began", 3905], ["walk", 3914], ["back", 3919], ["barrack", 3937], ["barracks", 3937], ["spend", 3954], ["spends", 3954], ["spendest", 3954], ["spent", 3954], ["ask", 4002], ["asking", 4002], ["quietly", 4095]]

he stood up and yelled for an emt . one of the medics who had just arrived detached himself from one of the bad guys and hurried up . he started examining haley . stone took that moment to look up at jane , murder in his deep green eyes . clay did n't turn back toward jane until the emt and stone took the child to one of the waiting ambulances . there was n't murder in clay 's eyes , only a deep sorrow that made jane want to weep . he stood there , his waterlogged stetson shadowing his face . she wanted to throw herself against his broad , sturdy chest . she wanted that safe feeling back , but she was n't going to find it there anymore . she wanted to wail the word . but she did n't want to show her weaknesses . she did n't want clay to rescue her . she wanted a love that could overlook even this , but that was more than anyone could ask . so she just ignored his question and asked one of her own . `` is ruby ... ? '' tears gathered in his eyes but they did n't spill over . it 's a head wound . but she 's still alive , if that 's what you 're asking . '' his voice sounded kind of dead . jane 's stomach clenched , and her heart twisted . ruby rhodes had been kind , and this is how she had repaid her . she closed her eyes and winged a little affirmation to the cosmos on ruby 's behalf . she doubted that the powers of the universe would answer her . she had lost her faith in manifesting . she had lost her hope , too . `` look , i know what i said this morning , but ... '' clay started , and his voice faded out . jane opened her eyes , her heart shattering . `` i 'm not going to hold you to that , '' she managed to say . `` we both know i 'm not what you want , '' she said , paraphrasing the words to `` i will always love you . '' but right now , she needed to run-and run hard . clay nodded like he understood . they were taking momma up to orangeburg . getting up there 's going to be a problem , seeing as the road 's all flooded . '' jane took a deep , shaky breath . her world was coming unraveled . she had just cheated death , only now death seemed such a small hurt compared to this big hurt inside her heart . she looked away so she did n't have to watch him turn his back . she stood there alone with her sadness and her guilt and her fury at the universe . a deep , no-nonsense voice asked a moment later . jane 's trip to the very bottom was not finished . she turned and faced an african-american man with a grim face . he reached into his suit jacket and pulled out a leather case and a shiny fbi badge . his name was bernard wilkes . clay still stood there , behind the g-man . the look on his face sent another wave of sorrow and regret running through her . he was thinking the absolute worst . she did n't want a man who always thought the worst of her . she wanted someone who could see the bright side of things . someone who would support and forgive her , no matter what . someone who would have her back when the bad stuff arrived . she shifted her gaze back to the federal agent . `` i 've gone by that name , '' she said . `` but my real name is wanda jane coblentz . '' it was time to accept who she was . she could n't blame anyone else for all the bad things that had happened to her in the past . she was n't a victim of bad luck or mean people . she was a victim of her own mistakes . it would be terrific if clay could understand that , but he could n't . not with his mother lying in some hospital with a gunshot wound that was , at least in part , her fault . jane would learn from this experience . she would pick herself up and move on . the fbi agent spoke again . `` we need to ask you a few questions about the disappearance of the cambodian camel . '' clay pulled his windstar up to the curb , opened the door , and stepped out into a suddenly warm and humid day . a glorious autumn sun beamed down on him , making his wet clothes cling , but failing to warm him . he kept thinking about the look on jane 's face as the fbi hauled her away . his heart kept telling him that he needed to quit worrying about what was true or untrue about jane and just go after her . he could n't shake the feeling that he 'd failed her in some awful way . on the other hand , momma was shot and possibly dying in a hospital up in orangeburg . haley was traumatized and talking about angels .

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i f**ked anything with a c*ck from the time i was sixteen , okay ? sure , i had fairly legitimate reasons . but that does n't change it . and i got good at pretending it did n't bother me , to the point that i almost believed it . but i ca n't pretend anymore . this does n't even really have anything to do with you . when i met you in vegas , anna had dared me to go celibate for two months . the dare was no physical male contact . no kissing , nothing . i could n't even go a day . then i went home and did okay for a while , but then i got drunk and ... well , bad things happened that i do n't want to go into with you just yet . '' `` jamie- '' `` shut up and let me answer the question . '' `` i pretended a lot of things . i pretended i was n't in love with you . i pretended i was okay without you , that this between us was n't the most powerful thing i 'd ever felt . and now ... i ca n't pretend . i just want the truth out there , good or bad . '' `` so what is the truth for you ? '' even still , in the middle of this whole heavy conversation , i ca n't stop wanting you . i 'm partially wishing i could let myself just stop talking and get you hard and take you . ride you . suck you off again . let you do whatever you want to me . but ... i ca n't push away the truth that this thing between us is still impossible . '' `` it 's impossible , baby . we were both broken up with less than twelve hours ago . i have no clothes but the ones on the floor over there . everything else is back in ian 's condo , including my car . i may be with you , now and in the future , but i still have to deal with ian . i kind of ran out on him . what if he changes his mind and tries to tell me he wants to get back together , give it another shot ? i would n't do it whether i was with you or not , because my thing with ian was nothing but a distraction from how i really felt . i knew that from the beginning , but that was another one of those truths i pretended not to care about . '' `` i like it when you call me 'baby . ' '' chase rubbed her knuckle with a thumb . `` i know what you mean , though . my thing with tess is n't as complicated to untangle , but it 's still there . she has a few things at my place back in detroit , but that 's easy enough to take care of . my cousin can send them to tess . the emotional thing is harder . i know ... i know it 's hard . i know it 's tangled up and f**ked up and complicated . we just ... we have to be honest and take things one step at a time . '' but none of this answers the original question . is it wrong for us to be together like this so soon ? '' `` being with you can never be wrong , if you ask me . not being with you would be wrong . maybe we just stay like this tonight , just ... sleep . hold each other . cuddle and shit . '' chase sounded confused . `` how am i funny ? '' she shook her head , giggling into his chest again , helplessly lost in laughter . `` just the way you said that . '' she made her voice gruff and growly , at the bottom of her register , chin tucked against her breastbone . `` 'cuddle and shit . ' like it would make you less manly to suggest we cuddle . it was just funny to me for some reason . '' `` guys are n't supposed to want to cuddle . it 's not a manly word . '' jamie laughed even harder at that . `` call it something else if you want , but you like this . not hav**g s*x or foreplay or anything . just ... being together . '' chase turned his face to her hair , breathed deeply , clutching her against him . call it cuddling if you want . i 'm secure in my manhood . just do n't tell the guys i wanted to cuddle . especially before sex . '' jamie huffed , not laughing anymore . she turned her face up to meet his gaze . his eyes bored into hers , and she felt warmth running from her cheeks down to her chest , filling her stomach with tingling anticipation . their fingers were still twined together on chase 's torso , his arm around her shoulders , but suddenly jamie was much more aware of his body , of his desire , of her own need . she felt mercurial , being a raging tempest of desire one moment , then an emotional mess the next , and then back to wanting his body again , all within a matter of twenty minutes .

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he was determined to find out what those reasons were , even if it broke the semi-truce they 'd started to share together . he reached the school and jacob was out on the curb and jumped into the vehicle , barely before he had it stopped . he was talking a million miles a minute and could n't contain his excitement to go to the new house . he was asking if all his things had arrived yet and if the pool was ready to swim in . he wanted to know if derek had gotten him a basketball and if they could buy a new puppy . derek answered every question he could but he did n't know if jacob even heard him , because he 'd fire another one off before he 'd even finished speaking . he found himself grinning widely as he enjoyed the enthusiasm pouring out of his son . at least he had made one of the pair happy with his purchase . he had a feeling jasmine was going to become just as attached to the home though , if her excitement over the kitchen was any indication . he barely got parked in the garage , before jacob jumped from the vehicle and ran through the door . he heard him yelling a greeting to his mother , before he heard his footsteps fading away as he ran up the stairs . it was amazing the kid remembered how to get around . `` i hope he does n't get lost , '' jasmine said with some concern , as she stared at the tornado of energy her son had just left behind . `` well then we could play marco polo , '' derek answered with a laugh . she looked at him for a moment and then caved in and let the amusement take over as she laughed with him . `` i will make sure he found his room and then see what i can do to get the place straightened up , '' he said as he disappeared . jasmine did n't see either of the boys for a couple hours , as they all got lost in their different projects . chapter eleven `` well look who 's coming up in the world , '' drew said into the speaker , as he waited for the gate to be opened . `` how did you find me , i thought i was hiding , '' derek replied . he 'd been wondering who was buzzing him . `` oh , it 's always easy to find my prey , '' drew replied . `` hey open up this gate before i climb over it and kick your sorry butt , '' ryan 's voice spoke into the microphone . `` what the heck did you bring him for ? '' derek said , as he pushed in the combo for the gate to open . he walked out the front door and waited for his cousins to exit the truck . `` nice place , got an extra room ? '' ryan said , as he came up the stairs and slapped derek on the back . `` sure , i do need to hire a gardener , '' derek replied , which earned him another punch . `` heck someone is growing up to be a real boy , you got the house , the kid and soon a wife , whatever happened to our vows of being bachelor 's forever , '' drew said as he made himself comfortable and walked through the doors . `` damn , i do n't think you have enough room , '' ryan called out , with a low whistle , as he took the place in . `` whatever ryan , your net worth is equal , if not more than mine , '' derek replied with a roll of his eyes . `` well yeah it 's more than yours , because i have n't spent it all for one house , '' the man replied with an evil grin . he knew the money had n't even dipped into what derek had . they made their way out towards the back and the sound of jacob splashing in the water . he spotted the two men and his eyes filled with curiosity . derek considered them both more like his brothers and introduced them to jacob as his uncles . jacob was ecstatic to find he had uncles , since his mom was an only child and he had little family . `` i hope you have extra trunks , because i 'm getting in that water one way or the other and i do n't want to make you look bad in front of your fiance by showing her how lacking you are , '' drew said with a waggle of his eyebrows . this time derek punched him in the arm and then directed him to the changing area next to the pool , that was already stacked with extra suits . his two cousins changed quickly and soon the four boys were having a splashing war that had jacob giggling uncontrollably . `` so where is jasmine , i have n't seen her in forever ? '' `` she had to go pick up some groceries so we could eat . jacob , here , is a bottomless pit . apparently he does n't like grocery shopping though , '' derek said fondly . he hated to go food shopping himself . he could n't wait to get a staff hired to take care of it all . they played in the pool a while longer and then finally dragged themselves out , with reluctance .

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his mind tired of doing all the work , and his body began to suffer . when a gorgeous woman who wanted to be subservient begged for his command and his c*ck never hardened , he 'd gone into hibernation mode . maybe he needed summer preston . he raked his gaze over her figure . tipped back his glass and swallowed the burning liquid . she shot to her feet and pressed a room key in his hands . `` castillo resorts , the penthouse . give me a fifteen-minute head start . '' he nodded and watched her disappear into the crowd . chapter two summer paced the lushly carpeted suite and tried to ignore the flutter in her tummy . in a minute , she 'd open her door to an overpowering , sexy male predator who she 'd try to subjugate to her every sexual whim . she pushed the doubt firmly out of her mind . rafe steele was unexpected . she 'd always had a weakness for the tall , dark and handsome type , but the man put them all to shame . sinfully inky eyes promised a quick trip to heaven , and dark curls begged a woman to thrust her fingers in deep and hang on . his face was all rough planes and angles-sharp cheekbones , a crooked nose , shaggy dark brows , an unshaven chin . his mouth held a sensual , almost cruel curve that stripped away any pretty boy looks and made a man look twice and a woman salivate . his body appeared rock hard and unforgiving . even in his black shirt and matching pants , the muscles rippled beneath the fabric . she guessed he topped six feet , but it was the sheer dominance of his presence that pressed upon her . an aura of command when he spoke . he struck her as a man used to being in charge . she bet women lined up to do his bidding . yet , he had n't backed off when she 'd adopted a forceful tone in their conversation . in fact , his dark eyes flashed with a gleam of interest . she took a deep breath and let him in . dear god , the man practically exuded sex . even his scent screamed animal mating , like smoke and musk and earth rolled together . he stalked into her room as though he owned it . he still wore his regulation uniform , pegging him as a dealer , but the silk surrendered to his carved chest and molded to his powerful thighs and ass . his shocked stare told her she 'd done her job well . satisfaction flared , along with a hint of feminine power . the girl next door had turned into a vixen , and she relished every moment of enveloping sexual authority . the skin tight leather cat suit with heels transformed her from sweet teacher to badass . she pursed her lips and studied him , making a circling motion with her finger . his face tightened with a mingling of emotions . yes , he loved taking orders from a woman , as much as she loved giving them . the problem centered on his acceptance and trust of her as a mistress . she ached to give him what he craved , but first he 'd have to submit to his own dark desires . a man used to control and leadership in all other areas of his world would be hard pressed to easily accept such a switch of power even if he wanted to . he looked as if he did n't recognize her from the strip club and had entered the twilight zone . satisfaction coursed through her at his response . `` tonight you will address me as summer . i have not earned your trust yet to be called mistress . you obey my every order without question . if you refuse , you will be punished . your body belongs to me until dawn breaks . her voice snapped like a whiplash . his instant response surged heat through her veins . a tight ache settled between her thighs . you will need a safe word . think of one you 'll easily remember . if you use your safe word , the scene will immediately stop . we will decide if the evening can continue afterward . what is your word ? '' `` blackjack , it is . now , turn around in a full circle . the simple test confirmed her assumptions . he obeyed , his muscles tight with tension . he shot her a look hinting he 'd do what she said , but she also knew restraints would definitely be needed for the night . i ca n't wait until you 're able to pleasure me . refused to move . she closed the distance between them with two long strides and met his gaze head on . `` take off your clothes so i can see every gorgeous inch that belongs to me . hesitate again and you 'll be punished . '' he jolted as if awakening from a dream , and removed his clothes . carved muscles , broad chest . cut abs . the line of a wicked scar ran down his ribs and disappeared into a swirl of dark hair . a heavy erection jutted forward and strained against his black boxers . his thumbs hooked on the elastic and paused . she narrowed her eyes in warning .

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`` french , '' genevieve repeated . `` mama , i know you 're scared about this , but it 's the chance i 've been waiting for . i 've had my eye on nick ever since i started working at rainbow systems , but i did n't say anything because i did n't want to jinx it . you see , he 's an orphan and had some terrible times growing up . he needs somebody so much , and i plan to be the one . i expect to marry him . '' annabelle dropped the soaking bowl , which shattered on the kitchen floor . marbles rolled everywhere . `` mama , your soaking bowl ! '' genevieve leaped to her feet and started picking up the marbles . `` watch your bare feet with that glass ! '' annabelle gazed at the broken glass on the floor and knew it was a very bad sign . of course the bowl was n't really crystal , only cut glass . genevieve had bought it for fifty cents at the goodwill store for annabelle 's twenty-first birthday . to think that at twenty-one she 'd had a daughter in first grade , a daughter who 'd sold the tiny creatures she whittled until she had enough to buy that bowl . and now this girl had her eye on a man who could give her real crystal and a fairy-tale life of fancy cars and clothes and jewels , just like in the movies . annabelle should be thrilled for her , but the bad feeling would n't go away . `` do n't fly in a plane with this man , genevieve . '' annabelle started picking up fragments of glass . on her knees searching for marbles , genevieve paused and glanced up at her . listen , i know how you feel about planes , but what happened to granny neville does n't happen to very many people . flying is safer than driving . '' annabelle knew that genevieve would n't all of a sudden listen to her and turn down this opportunity . genevieve might still live at home , but that was so annabelle could afford to stay in a nice neighborhood with a good school for lincoln . the older genevieve got , the more she treated annabelle like an older sister instead of a mother . after all , they were only fifteen years apart . genevieve would go on this trip whether annabelle wanted her to or not . `` mama , he looks like cary grant . '' annabelle went to fetch the broom and the dustpan so they could clean up the tiny fragments . meanwhile she tried to push aside her worries and think about cary grant flying genevieve to maui . maybe she was n't having her usual premonitions this time . maybe it was only her backwoods tennessee raising that made her suspicious of a man who took a company secretary over to maui and kept her there overnight . he might look like cary grant , but it did n't sound like a cary grant thing to do . genevieve could get her heart broken , but people healed from a broken heart . annabelle had found that out for herself twice over , once with genevieve 's daddy and once with lincoln 's . she moved a kitchen chair and started sweeping under the table where some stray slivers had flown . `` you 're just saying he looks like cary grant to soften me up . '' genevieve stood and dropped the marbles into the mail basket on the counter . `` especially the way cary grant looked in bringing up baby . you would just melt . '' and she might , at that , annabelle thought , being a sucker for the likes of cary grant , spencer tracy , and humphrey bogart . each one held a special place in her heart . and as for the women , she 'd learned everything she knew about manners and fashion from watching katharine hepburn , lauren bacall , and ingrid bergman . she 'd done her best to teach those things to genevieve . genevieve crouched down and held the dustpan while annabelle swept the glass into it . `` i 'll get you a new soaking bowl , '' genevieve said . `` i loved that one , '' annabclle said , and her throat tightened up . she 'd learned a long time ago that there was no point in crying over what could n't be changed . she swept the last of the glass into the dustpan genevieve held . `` but i 'm sure i 'll love the new one you get me , too . '' genevieve stood and dumped the glass into the trash . `` maybe i 'll find something pretty while i 'm on maui . '' annabelle searched for a smile to give her daughter and finally managed to find one . `` yes , maybe you will . ''

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sobriety was n't helping all that much , either . the voices continued in a low drone that he ignored as much as possible . he 'd been fairly successful until maxwell russell died in his home . then the nightmare came back full force . `` thank you so much , '' bob muttered under his breath , angry with his old army buddy . peggy glared at him . `` you 're certainly in a fine mood this morning . '' he did n't bother to answer because she was right . and feeling the way he did , the last place he wanted to be was church . `` bob , '' peggy cried . `` you just missed the turnoff . '' `` let 's skip church this morning , okay ? '' peggy whined . `` first hannah and now you . '' `` i do n't feel like it today . '' please , do n't be difficult . '' not wanting to get into an argument , bob sighed and found a place to turn the car around and head back toward briar patch road . within five minutes , he slipped into an available space in the crowded church parking lot . organ music drifted out the open doors . thankfully they were late enough to avoid all the handshaking and friendly chitchat . in case peggy had n't guessed , he was n't in a sociable mood . of course , being late also meant they could n't get a decent seat at the back of the church . those who arrived early set claim to the back five pews . he and peggy ended up sitting in one of the middle rows . that was acceptable , since at least they 'd missed the `` meet and greet . '' following the music , dave flemming stepped up to the pulpit and opened his bible . bob had left his at home . peggy flipped to the book of matthew , chapter six , the reference listed in the bulletin she 'd picked up on the way in . bob crossed his arms and closed his eyes . he had no intention of listening . he was here to keep the peace at home and for no other reason . for all he cared , the pastor could be talking about the inflated price of dot.com shares . then it hit him-one word in particular . he opened his eyes and sat up and started to listen . it was as if pastor flemming knew his innermost thoughts and had written the sermon specifically with him in mind . the idea unsettled him . at the close of the service , the congregation stood and sang together . normally bob enjoyed the singing . he had a good baritone and at one time had considered joining the choir . his commitment to the community theater took up most of his free hours , however . it was the theater or the church choir . he 'd chosen the theater . at the end of the song , the service was over and the pews began to empty . still deep in thought , bob remained seated . `` i need to talk to corrie , '' peggy announced , then got up and scurried off . apparently she was afraid he 'd argue with her and was gone before he had a chance to tell her to take her time . usually bob resented being left to twiddle his thumbs while peggy did her socializing , but just now , he was grateful for a few moments of solitude . he did n't know how long he sat there , alone in the church . peggy would come and get him when she was ready , he figured , letting his thoughts drift where they would . `` hello , bob . '' pastor flemming stepped into the pew and sat down next to him . bob knew dave , liked him well enough to play golf with him every week . they hardly ever talked about god , which suited bob just fine . to him , a man 's faith was a private matter . bob smiled in his friend 's direction . the pastor knew some of the story . he 'd been the person who 'd recommended that bob contact roy mcafee in the first place . he trusted dave . at the time , he 'd been desperate , half-afraid he was losing his mind . `` well , maybe i do need to talk . '' bob paused and drew in a deep breath . `` what you said about forgiveness kind of hit home , you know ? '' pastor flemming nodded . `` it 's in the lord 's prayer . we recite it so often we tend to forget what it means . '' he 'd said the prayer at every aa meeting for years , and had never truly understood the part about forgiveness . `` you said this morning that we can only accept forgiveness to the extent that we 're able to forgive ourselves . '' those were the words that had struck him with such intensity . the pastor nodded again . `` some people require a lot of forgiveness , '' bob murmured . `` we 're all sinners . '' `` but like i said , '' bob continued , `` there are sins , and then there are sins .

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`` sherlock , '' cliff murmured as he studied the first photograph . `` the name suits him . '' `` i thought so , too , '' grace said . `` the others are of tyler and katie . i refuse to let you escape without updating you on my grandchildren . '' `` i just happened to bring a picture of april . '' he slid one hand into his inside pocket and brought out a photograph . the waitress came for their drink order , and cliff suggested a bottle of washington state chardonnay . grace nodded at his choice . she stared at the picture of cliff 's daughter and granddaughter . she 'd met lisa last thanksgiving , when they 'd flown to maryland to be with his family . cliff and his daughter were especially close . after exchanging photographs , grace looked at him . `` how are you , cliff ? '' he did n't respond seriously the way she had ; his reply was flippant . she dropped her eyes in an effort to recover . in one word , he 'd let her know she was n't allowed access to his world anymore . despite his earlier sincerity , that brief glimpse of caring and concern , this dinner was n't going to change anything . olivia and her daughters might as well have saved their money . grace 's spirits plummeted . the waitress returned with their wine , uncorked it and poured a sample for cliff to approve . after the tasting ritual and the pouring , she took their dinner order . `` i 'm off to texas to buy a horse next week , '' cliff said as if it was now his turn to fill the ensuing silence . `` i hope so , anyway . i 've had my eye on a particular quarter horse stud for quite some time . '' he continued talking about the qualities that made this horse important to him . most of what he said was beyond grace 's slim knowledge of breeding and horses , but she listened attentively . `` well , i hope your trip is successful , '' she said when he 'd finished . their whole evening seemed destined to crawl from one awkward silence to another . `` i feel i can leave the ranch now that i have cal , '' he added . `` how is cal ? '' their conversations never used to be stilted like this . they always had a million things to say to each other , sharing pieces of their lives . except for what she had n't shared-her internet romance with will jefferson . would she never be forgiven for that ? cliff started to chuckle , and she glanced up . grace smiled , too , although she did n't know why . `` the dog and bachelor auction , '' he said . `` do you remember that corrie mcafee bid on him for her daughter ? '' `` oh-yes . '' she 'd found it difficult to keep track of which bachelor had gone to whom , although she 'd received personal satisfaction from stan lockhart 's fate . she noticed he had n't been around town as much lately and in grace 's opinion , that was a good thing . `` did you read in the paper that thanks to charlotte and ben , the town 's worked out a deal with puget sound medical and dental to set up a clinic ? '' `` speaking of ben ... '' grace closed her mouth . she shook her head , angry with herself . it 's just that olivia is worried about her mother and ben . '' `` well , no one ever heard of him until recently . '' `` no one had ever heard of me , either , '' cliff reminded her . `` but you are n't dating a judge 's mother . in her line of work , olivia has reason to be suspicious-but i 'm sure nothing will turn up . '' cliff picked up his water glass . `` nothing will turn up where ? '' in her uneasiness , grace had already said more than she 'd intended . she hoped he 'd simply put this conversation out of his mind . `` olivia 's having a background check done on ben ? '' grace felt dreadful , but she could n't lie to cliff again . `` you think i 'd tell charlotte this ? '' that made her feel even worse , since charlotte and cliff were friends . `` no ... cliff , please , i should never have said anything . '' he hesitated , then agreed with a shrug . `` i heard linnette mcafee 's been hired to work at the clinic . '' it was an obvious change of topic , but he accepted it readily enough and she sighed with relief . `` since linnette 's moving to town , maybe she 'll have a chance to get to know cal . '' `` more than she could on just a dinner date . '' `` cal 's a good man , '' cliff said casually . `` i think getting out more will do him a world of good . '' `` i like him , '' grace said although her contact with cliff 's trainer had been limited to a few short conversations .

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the men looked at the two women and at the empty door frame where lydia had stood only seconds earlier . they glanced at each other and then ran for it , racing past jacqueline and alix . as soon as they were out of sight , jacqueline started to shake . the trembling began in her hands , and quickly moved down her arms and legs until it seemed that her knees had taken on a life of their own . jacqueline shook her head . `` the police are on their way , '' lydia called . `` larry and ralph are gone now . '' alix wrapped her arm around jacqueline 's waist and guided her through the back door of lydia 's shop . the table where they sat for their classes seemed a mile away before jacqueline reached it and literally fell into a chair . `` i ... i could 've been murdered . '' she 'd seen the look in those men 's eyes . god only knew what they would 've done to her if alix had n't come into the alley when she had . `` alix , '' she gasped . in that moment , jacqueline wanted to call back every ugly thought she 'd ever had regarding the young woman . she did n't care what color alix dyed her hair . the girl had saved her from a fate she could hardly imagine . alix sat down next to her , and jacqueline soon noticed that she was badly shaken , too . she 'd put on a brave front when she confronted the two men , but she 'd been terrified . a siren blared outside and lydia dashed to the front of the store to wait for the patrolmen . a few minutes later , two police officers entered the shop . all three women started talking at once . jacqueline felt she should be the one to explain ; she was the one who 'd been accosted , after all . she continued speaking , raising her voice in order to be heard above the other two . `` one at a time , ladies , '' the first officer said , holding up his hand . he was young and clean-cut and reminded her of her son . paul would be outraged when he learned she 'd nearly been mugged . the officer started with jacqueline and when he 'd finished , he asked alix a few questions and finally lydia . each woman described the men in slightly different ways , although alix seemed reluctant to discuss the matter . at first she did n't reveal their names , but if alix had forgotten , jacqueline had n't . with their descriptions known , plus their first names , it made sense that the two hoodlums would be apprehended shortly . jacqueline had already decided to press charges . all the while she was speaking , she clutched her gucci bag with both hands . the patrolman asked , glancing from jacqueline to alix . `` of course , '' jacqueline said . `` we 're taking knitting classes together . '' `` yeah , '' alix muttered , and defiantly tilted her chin in their direction as if daring him to challenge her . `` jacqueline and i are friends . '' `` she saved me from god knows what , '' jacqueline murmured . `` it would 've been smarter just to give them your purse . '' jacqueline knew he was right . all the survival manuals stated that in such a situation , the best course of action was to drop the purse and run . once the policemen had left , jacqueline looked over at alix who remained seated at the table across from her . jacqueline nodded in full agreement . she still was n't sure what had led alix into the alley . when questioned by the police she explained that she 'd seen jacqueline go in there and did n't think it was a safe place for her friend to be . so she 'd followed her . and jacqueline would be forever grateful that she had . her one concern was that she owed alix now . she could only speculate what the girl would want as payment . chapter 24 carol girard t he two days following the ivf procedure had been the worst . the specialist had instructed carol to stay perfectly still for forty-eight hours . the enforced rest got on her nerves after only a few hours , but with every breath she drew , with every solid beat of her heart , she made herself think positive , nurturing thoughts . she was all too aware that she was at the very end of the road , technologically speaking , for a biological child . she and doug had decided this was it . they got their three chances through the insurance company and two of them were gone . ivf was expensive , time-consuming , unpredictable and uncertain . correction , some aspects of the procedure were a certainty . injections , frequent bloodwork and ultrasounds . she 'd been poked and prodded so often she barely noticed it anymore . carol refused to allow herself to dwell on any of the negatives . this time she 'd have her baby .

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1536], ["talking", 1536], ["feel", 1562], ["felt", 1562], ["explain", 1595], ["accost", 1634], ["accosted", 1634], ["continue", 1662], ["continued", 1662], ["speak", 1671], ["spoken", 1671], ["speaking", 1671], ["raise", 1681], ["raising", 1681], ["voice", 1691], ["order", 1700], ["orderest", 1700], ["hear", 1712], ["hears", 1712], ["heard", 1712], ["time", 1751], ["lady", 1760], ["ladies", 1760], ["first", 1775], ["firstest", 1775], ["officer", 1783], ["officering", 1783], ["say", 1788], ["sayest", 1788], ["said", 1788], ["hold", 1798], ["holding", 1798], ["hand", 1810], ["clean", 1835], ["cleans", 1835], ["cut", 1839], ["remind", 1852], ["reminded", 1852], ["son", 1867], ["paul", 1874], ["pauls", 1874], ["learn", 1908], ["learnt", 1908], ["learns", 1908], ["learned", 1908], ["nearly", 1922], ["mug", 1934], ["mugged", 1934], ["finish", 1996], ["finished", 1996], ["ask", 2007], ["asked", 2007], ["question", 2028], ["questions", 2028], ["finally", 2040], ["describe", 2069], ["described", 2069], ["slightly", 2089], ["different", 2099], ["way", 2104], ["ways", 2104], ["although", 2115], ["reluctant", 2137], ["discuss", 2148], ["discusses", 2148], ["discussest", 2148], ["matter", 2159], ["mattering", 2159], ["reveal", 2189], ["name", 2201], ["names", 2201], ["forget", 2229], ["forgot", 2229], ["forgotten", 2229], ["description", 2276], ["descriptions", 2276], ["know", 2282], ["knowest", 2282], ["known", 2282], ["plus", 2289], ["sense", 2323], ["hoodlum", 2345], ["hoodlums", 2345], ["apprehend", 2366], ["apprehending", 2366], ["apprehended", 2366], ["shortly", 2374], ["already", 2399], ["decide", 2407], ["decided", 2407], ["press", 2416], ["charge", 2424], ["charges", 2424], ["clutch", 2472], ["clutched", 2472], ["gucci", 2482], ["bag", 2486], ["bagged", 2486], ["bagging", 2486], ["patrolman", 2518], ["glance", 2535], ["glancing", 2535], ["course", 2574], ["take", 2614], ["taking", 2614], ["knit", 2623], ["knits", 2623], ["knitted", 2623], ["knitting", 2623], ["together", 2640], ["yeah", 2653], ["mutter", 2672], ["mutterest", 2672], ["muttering", 2672], ["muttered", 2672], ["defiantly", 2688], ["tilt", 2695], ["tilting", 2695], ["tilted", 2695], ["chin", 2704], ["direction", 2723], ["dare", 2736], ["daring", 2736], ["challenge", 2753], ["friend", 2791], ["friends", 2791], ["know", 2827], ["knowest", 2827], ["knows", 2827], ["murmur", 2857], ["murmurest", 2857], ["murmured", 2857], ["smarter", 2888], ["give", 2901], ["purse", 2917], ["right", 2951], ["rightest", 2951], ["survival", 2970], ["manual", 2978], ["manuals", 2978], ["state", 2985], ["stated", 2985], ["situation", 3010], ["good", 3021], ["best", 3021], ["action", 3038], ["drop", 3050], ["run", 3068], ["policeman", 3089], ["policemen", 3089], ["left", 3098], ["leave", 3098], ["remain", 3144], ["remained", 3144], ["seat", 3151], ["seated", 3151], ["across", 3171], ["nod", 3200], ["nodded", 3200], ["full", 3208], ["agreement", 3218], ["still", 3230], ["sure", 3243], ["lead", 3256], ["leaded", 3256], ["led", 3256], ["question", 3294], ["questioned", 3294], ["explain", 3322], ["explained", 3322], ["go", 3353], ["goest", 3353], ["think", 3380], ["thinkest", 3380], ["safe", 3394], ["safes", 3394], ["safed", 3394], ["place", 3400], ["friend", 3415], ["follow", 3442], ["followed", 3442], ["forever", 3480], ["grateful", 3489], ["concern", 3520], ["concerned", 3520], ["concernest", 3520], ["owe", 3538], ["owes", 3538], ["owing", 3538], ["owed", 3538], ["speculate", 3574], ["payment", 3610], ["chapter", 3620], ["carol", 3629], ["caroling", 3629], ["carolling", 3629], ["girard", 3636], ["day", 3650], ["days", 3650], ["follow", 3660], ["following", 3660], ["ivf", 3668], ["procedure", 3678], ["bad", 3697], ["worst", 3697], ["specialist", 3714], ["instruct", 3729], ["instructest", 3729], ["instructed", 3729], ["stay", 3743], ["perfectly", 3753], ["forty", 3769], ["eight", 3775], ["hour", 3781], ["hours", 3781], ["enforce", 3796], ["enforced", 3796], ["rest", 3801], ["get", 3805], ["got", 3805], ["nerve", 3819], ["nerves", 3819], ["breath", 3866], ["breathest", 3866], ["draw", 3875], ["draws", 3875], ["drawn", 3875], ["drew", 3875], ["solid", 3894], ["beat", 3899], ["heart", 3912], ["positive", 3946], ["nurture", 3958], ["nurturing", 3958], ["thought", 3967], ["thoughts", 3967], ["aware", 3991], ["end", 4020], ["ends", 4020], ["endest", 4020], ["road", 4032], ["technologically", 4050], ["biological", 4078], ["child", 4084], ["childs", 4084], ["doug", 4099], ["chance", 4154], ["chanced", 4154], ["chancing", 4154], ["chances", 4154], ["insurance", 4176], ["company", 4184], ["companys", 4184], ["companying", 4184], ["expensive", 4230], ["consume", 4247], ["consuming", 4247], ["unpredictable", 4263], ["unpredictables", 4263], ["uncertain", 4277], ["correction", 4290], ["aspect", 4305], ["aspects", 4305], ["certainty", 4339], ["injection", 4352], ["injections", 4352], ["frequent", 4363], ["frequentest", 4363], ["bloodwork", 4373], ["ultrasound", 4389], ["poke", 4409], ["poked", 4409], ["prod", 4421], ["prods", 4421], ["often", 4430], ["barely", 4441], ["anymore", 4460], ["refuse", 4476], ["refused", 4476], ["allow", 4485], ["dwell", 4502], ["dwelling", 4502], ["dwellest", 4502], ["negative", 4526], ["negatives", 4526], ["baby", 4559]]

willow , he groans . his tongue mingles with mine , making desire shoot through me . my hands clench on his shoulders , digging into his muscles . he grips my thighs and hikes them up , setting me on the table . logan attacks my mouth again , lips like a fever against mine . hes touching me everywhere , slipping his hands over my thighs and then running them up under my shirt . i arch my back , chest pressing against his . i grip the bottom of his shirt and pull . he lifts his arms as i yank it over his head . his body is a feast , toned and strong and tan . my hands are like magnets to him , racing across his chest , and then down his abdomen . and when he smiles at me , i almost forget the letter opener . i almost forget everything . then i feel the fire building inside . logans hands go for the button on my jeans , fingers dipping inside the material . logan , i say , voice breathless . hes focused , eyes on his task . his hands freeze on my zipper . i try to force my heartbeat to slow down , for the flames to subside . i just realization dawns in his eyes . this isnt he props his hands against the desk on either side of me . no , i say again , my voice coming out in a laugh . it justdidnt go well for the other guy last time this happened . he doesnt look angry . he doesnt even look confused . instead , he brushes my jaw with his knuckles . the fire , i say simply . he tried to force me and ii couldnt control it . he sets his hand low my back and scoots me to him , so my legs are on either side of his hips . theres unexpected tenderness in his voice , enough that i lower my chin to compose myself . you cant hurt me like that , he says . i caught you on fire pretty easily yesterday . theres no scarring or redness on his arm . logan takes the hem of my shirt and pulls it up and over my head . his eyes dip to my breasts , covered by a simple black bra . he curls his finger under one strap and draws it off my shoulder . his lips make a slow path across my collarbone . i can feel the flames inside , but theyre only simmering . almost as if the slower he goes , the less chance they have of coming out . i reach to unbutton his pants , and find the zipper . they ride low on his hips and i can see the definition in his abdomen all the way down . he cups one breast , hiking down my bra so he can brush his thumb on the nipple . then he takes it in his mouth , tongue flicking back and forth and pushing me closer to the brink . logan , i gasp . he reaches down and yanks on my jeans , leaning me back against the cool wood of the table . i want you , he whispers , fiddling with the lip of my underwear . tugging it down just slightly . and upstairs . his hands grip my wrists and pin them to the table . and then his mouth begins the slow descent down my neck , over my breasts , and to my stomach , where he lingers . the whisper of breath on my skin makes me shiver in ecstasy . tell me you want me , logan says . his lips brush the skin above my underwear . i want you , i say . its true , i do . but even as i say it , my hand moves to the letter opener . he eases my underwear down and his lips touch my center . when his tongue comes out , heat against heat , i arch my back , losing my grip on the letter opener . he splays his hands against my hips , tongue moving back and forth . it builds inside me , the heat and the fire , so fast i cant stop it . fire bursts on his shirt at the floor , and then on the jeans hes still wearing . logan straightens , hands leaving my body . i grab the letter opener and sit up . while logans on fire , the temperature so fierce it singes my arms , i rear up . with both hands on the letter opener , i plunge the blade into his back . chapter 13 a cry of anguish tears from his throat . my body is still quaking from logans lips against me and the roll of ecstasy he brought me . and now theres a blade protruding from his back . he twists , trying to remove it , and i grab my jeans and shirt . his hand catches me and i yelp . when he growls and tries to stop me , i fumble into the pocket of my jeans , suddenly remembering the necklace . i whip it out and hold it in front of me . logan winces , tosses up his hands like im trying to shoot him . he groans in pain and sinks to his knees . i race from the room . logan yells . i run faster , straight to the kitchen , my clothes still clutched at my chest .

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["chest", 403], ["press", 412], ["pressing", 412], ["grip", 433], ["bottom", 444], ["bottoming", 444], ["pull", 466], ["lift", 477], ["lifts", 477], ["arm", 486], ["arms", 486], ["yank", 496], ["yanks", 496], ["yanked", 496], ["head", 513], ["body", 524], ["bodied", 524], ["feast", 535], ["feastest", 535], ["strong", 554], ["tan", 562], ["magnet", 590], ["magnets", 590], ["race", 606], ["racing", 606], ["across", 613], ["smile", 672], ["smiles", 672], ["almost", 689], ["forget", 696], ["forgot", 696], ["letter", 707], ["lettering", 707], ["opener", 714], ["everything", 743], ["feel", 757], ["fire", 766], ["build", 775], ["building", 775], ["inside", 782], ["go", 800], ["goest", 800], ["button", 815], ["buttoning", 815], ["jean", 827], ["jeans", 827], ["finger", 837], ["fingers", 837], ["dip", 845], ["dipping", 845], ["material", 865], ["say", 881], ["sayest", 881], ["voice", 889], ["breathless", 900], ["focus", 914], ["focused", 914], ["eye", 921], ["eyed", 921], ["eyes", 921], ["task", 933], ["tasking", 933], ["taskest", 933], ["froze", 952], ["frozen", 952], ["freeze", 952], ["freezing", 952], ["zipper", 965], ["zippers", 965], ["try", 973], ["tryed", 973], ["force", 982], ["heartbeat", 995], ["heartbeats", 995], ["slow", 1003], ["flame", 1025], ["flames", 1025], ["subside", 1036], ["subsided", 1036], ["subsiding", 1036], ["realization", 1057], ["dawn", 1063], ["dawnest", 1063], ["dawns", 1063], ["prop", 1096], ["props", 1096], ["desk", 1123], ["either", 1133], ["side", 1138], ["sidest", 1138], ["come", 1181], ["coming", 1181], ["laugh", 1196], ["well", 1219], ["wells", 1219], ["guy", 1237], ["last", 1242], ["time", 1247], ["happen", 1261], ["happened", 1261], ["look", 1278], ["angry", 1284], ["even", 1301], ["evens", 1301], ["instead", 1325], ["brush", 1338], ["brushest", 1338], ["brushes", 1338], ["jaw", 1345], ["jaws", 1345], ["jawed", 1345], ["jawest", 1345], ["knuckle", 1363], ["knuckles", 1363], ["knuckling", 1363], ["simply", 1389], ["try", 1400], ["tryed", 1400], ["tried", 1400], ["ii", 1419], ["control", 1435], ["set", 1448], ["sets", 1448], ["hand", 1457], ["low", 1461], ["lowed", 1461], ["scoot", 1480], ["leg", 1503], ["legs", 1503], ["hip", 1534], ["hips", 1534], ["unexpected", 1554], ["tenderness", 1565], ["enough", 1587], ["lowers", 1600], ["lowerest", 1600], ["chin", 1608], ["compose", 1619], ["hurt", 1642], ["hurts", 1642], ["hurting", 1642], ["say", 1665], ["sayest", 1665], ["says", 1665], ["catch", 1676], ["catches", 1676], ["catched", 1676], ["caught", 1676], ["pretty", 1695], ["prettiest", 1695], ["easily", 1702], ["yesterday", 1712], ["yesterdays", 1712], ["redness", 1744], ["arm", 1755], ["take", 1769], ["takes", 1769], ["hem", 1777], ["pull", 1799], ["pulls", 1799], ["dip", 1837], ["breast", 1851], ["breasted", 1851], ["breasting", 1851], ["breasts", 1851], ["cover", 1861], ["covered", 1861], ["simple", 1873], ["simplest", 1873], ["black", 1879], ["bra", 1883], ["bras", 1883], ["curl", 1894], ["curls", 1894], ["curled", 1894], ["finger", 1905], ["strap", 1921], ["straps", 1921], ["draw", 1931], ["draws", 1931], ["drawn", 1931], ["shoulder", 1950], ["shouldered", 1950], ["path", 1978], ["collarbone", 1999], ["collarbones", 1999], ["simmer", 2058], ["simmering", 2058], ["slow", 2084], ["go", 2092], ["goest", 2092], ["goes", 2092], ["less", 2103], ["chance", 2110], ["chanced", 2110], ["chancing", 2110], ["reach", 2144], ["unbutton", 2156], ["unbuttoned", 2156], ["pant", 2166], ["pants", 2166], ["find", 2177], ["ride", 2200], ["rode", 2200], ["see", 2230], ["definition", 2245], ["abdomen", 2260], ["way", 2272], ["ways", 2272], ["cup", 2287], ["cups", 2287], ["breast", 2298], ["breasted", 2298], ["breasting", 2298], ["hike", 2307], ["hiking", 2307], ["brush", 2335], ["brushest", 2335], ["thumb", 2345], ["thumbed", 2345], ["nipple", 2359], ["nipples", 2359], ["flick", 2409], ["flickest", 2409], ["forth", 2424], ["push", 2436], ["pushing", 2436], ["close", 2446], ["closer", 2446], ["brink", 2459], ["brinks", 2459], ["gasp", 2476], ["gasps", 2476], ["reach", 2489], ["reaches", 2489], ["yank", 2504], ["yanks", 2504], ["yanked", 2504], ["lean", 2526], ["leans", 2526], ["leaning", 2526], ["cool", 2551], ["wood", 2556], ["whisper", 2596], ["whispers", 2596], ["fiddle", 2607], ["fiddling", 2607], ["lip", 2620], ["lipped", 2620], ["underwear", 2636], ["tug", 2646], ["tugging", 2646], ["slightly", 2668], ["upstairs", 2683], ["wrist", 2710], ["wrists", 2710], ["pin", 2718], ["begin", 2764], ["begins", 2764], ["descent", 2781], ["neck", 2794], ["necked", 2794], ["stomach", 2832], ["stomachs", 2832], ["stomaching", 2832], ["linger", 2851], ["lingered", 2851], ["lingers", 2851], ["whisper", 2865], ["breath", 2875], ["breathest", 2875], ["skin", 2886], ["shiver", 2902], ["shivering", 2902], ["ecstasy", 2913], ["tell", 2920], ["true", 3025], ["move", 3071], ["moves", 3071], ["ease", 3103], ["eases", 3103], ["touch", 3140], ["touching", 3140], ["center", 3150], ["come", 3174], ["comes", 3174], ["heat", 3185], ["heats", 3185], ["heated", 3185], ["lose", 3224], ["losing", 3224], ["splay", 3265], ["splayed", 3265], ["splays", 3265], ["move", 3307], ["moving", 3307], ["build", 3334], ["builds", 3334], ["fast", 3378], ["stop", 3390], ["burst", 3407], ["bursted", 3407], ["bursts", 3407], ["floor", 3433], ["still", 3467], ["wear", 3475], ["wearing", 3475], ["left", 3511], ["leave", 3511], ["leaving", 3511], ["grab", 3528], ["sat", 3554], ["sit", 3554], ["logan", 3572], ["logans", 3572], ["temperature", 3598], ["fierce", 3608], ["singe", 3618], ["singing", 3618], ["rear", 3635], ["plunge", 3688], ["blade", 3698], ["chapter", 3722], ["cry", 3731], ["anguish", 3742], ["anguishes", 3742], ["tear", 3748], ["teared", 3748], ["tears", 3748], ["throat", 3764], ["quake", 3791], ["quaked", 3791], ["quaking", 3791], ["roll", 3832], ["bring", 3854], ["brought", 3854], ["protrude", 3893], ["protruding", 3893], ["twist", 3919], ["twisted", 3919], ["twisting", 3919], ["twists", 3919], ["try", 3928], ["tryed", 3928], ["trying", 3928], ["remove", 3938], ["catch", 3992], ["catches", 3992], ["catched", 3992], ["yelp", 4006], ["yelped", 4006], ["yelping", 4006], ["growl", 4023], ["growls", 4023], ["try", 4033], ["tryed", 4033], ["tries", 4033], ["fumble", 4055], ["pocket", 4071], ["pocketing", 4071], ["suddenly", 4094], ["remember", 4106], ["rememberest", 4106], ["remembering", 4106], ["necklace", 4119], ["necklacing", 4119], ["whip", 4128], ["hold", 4144], ["front", 4156], ["wince", 4177], ["winces", 4177], ["toss", 4186], ["pain", 4247], ["sink", 4257], ["sank", 4257], ["sinks", 4257], ["knee", 4270], ["knees", 4270], ["race", 4279], ["racing", 4279], ["room", 4293], ["roomed", 4293], ["run", 4315], ["fast", 4322], ["straight", 4333], ["kitchen", 4348], ["kitchens", 4348], ["clad", 4361], ["clothe", 4361], ["clothes", 4361], ["clutch", 4376], ["clutched", 4376]]

it had been building up within her ever since she first saw chase in the back room in las vegas , and now that she saw it for what it was , she could n't see or feel anything else . it was like panic . she needed release , but she did n't think mere orgasm would do it ; this was emotional in nature , internal , mental , psychological , not physical . the first orgasm ian had given her had only put more on top of the pile . this second one was going to be intense , and jamie found herself hoping desperately that it would give her the relief she needed . she felt doubt sneaking up on her , though . the pressure mounted , and ian 's thrusts grew frenzied , his back arching and beaded with sweat . she clung to his shoulders and met him thrust for thrust , her legs around his hips , pleasantly filled by him , his tip striking her at just the right angle to give her the most pleasure . she heard herself moaning , felt the intensity building , felt the waves rolling through her . jamie bit ian 's shoulder as she came , raked her nails down his back and cried out . the explosion of physical release made her writhe and cling even tighter to ian , and then she was sent further into abandon when she felt him come moments after her , groaning and burying his face in her neck , grinding madly into her , and then they were still together . ian rolled off and lay next to her , breathing heavily . `` bloody hell , jamie . '' `` you took a layer of skin off , i think . '' jamie pushed him over so she could look at his back , wincing at the eight parallel gouges running down his back . guess i got carried away . '' ian just chuckled and pulled her over to rest her head on his chest . i have n't had it off that well in an age . '' `` me , either , '' jamie said . `` assuming that last part means it was good for you . '' ian rumbled in sleepy laughter . it was more than good for me , darling . '' jamie listened to his breathing as it slowed and evened out . those were just casual words for him , she reminded herself . not actual terms of endearment . she was dizzy , drunk , fairly well-sated ... and disappointed . still burning with frustration . the mountainous weight inside her was still there . she was n't as sexually frustrated as she had been , but the root cause of her ache had n't changed . she listened to ian 's sleeping breaths , felt his heart beating under her ear , watched his chest rise and fall , admired the contours of his body . he was damn sexy , and a good lover . a girl could do worse . he had a good job , a hot-as-hell accent , and he could make her come twice in a row , while they were both drunk . she should hold on to this one while she had him . maybe it would turn into love . or at least ... something like it . something as close as she could come without-no . she would n't , could n't go there . that was n't a possibility . her instinct to flee kicked in . ian was asleep , her car was waiting , and by the time she made it to her car , she 'd be sober enough to drive . or she could just sleep in her car . or even get a room in this same hotel . as if sensing her inner dilemma , ian 's arm curled around her waist and held her tight against him . jamie kicked the flight reflex down , choked it down , shoved it down . ian was good . she reached down and tugged the flat sheet and the comforter up to her br**sts , covering herself and ian . she 'd be here with him when they woke up . they 'd have breakfast together . she might even learn his last name . this is good , jamie told herself . the problem was , she did n't quite believe herself . a voice in the shadowy corners of her soul , that place where one 's darkest truths reside , was telling her this was still just another futile attempt to bury her heartache . she felt the pressure in her belly , the burning need for release . maybe she could wake ian up in a few hours and go again , take the edge off . he 'd be game , most likely . she knew , though , that for as long as she was with ian , the edge would still be there . he simply was n't capable of satisfying the blood- and soul-deep desires within her . he could-and would-try his best , and she 'd let him . but it would n't be enough , and she knew it . she fell asleep wondering how long she could keep this up . chapter 2 the music was fire in his veins . it was raw , primal fury pounding through his blood and his muscles and his brain .

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["sneak", 582], ["sneakest", 582], ["sneaking", 582], ["though", 601], ["pressure", 616], ["pressured", 616], ["mount", 624], ["mounted", 624], ["mountest", 624], ["thrust", 645], ["thrusts", 645], ["grow", 650], ["growest", 650], ["grew", 650], ["arch", 678], ["arching", 678], ["bead", 689], ["beaded", 689], ["sweat", 700], ["cling", 712], ["shoulder", 729], ["shouldered", 729], ["shoulders", 729], ["meet", 737], ["meeted", 737], ["met", 737], ["thrust", 748], ["leg", 770], ["legs", 770], ["around", 777], ["hip", 786], ["hips", 786], ["pleasantly", 799], ["fill", 806], ["fills", 806], ["filled", 806], ["tip", 823], ["strike", 832], ["striking", 832], ["right", 854], ["rightest", 854], ["angle", 860], ["pleasure", 890], ["hear", 902], ["hears", 902], ["heard", 902], ["moan", 918], ["moans", 918], ["moanest", 918], ["moaning", 918], ["intensity", 939], ["wave", 965], ["waved", 965], ["waves", 965], ["roll", 973], ["rolling", 973], ["bite", 997], ["shoulder", 1013], ["shouldered", 1013], ["come", 1025], ["came", 1025], ["rake", 1033], ["raking", 1033], ["raked", 1033], ["nail", 1043], ["nails", 1043], ["cry", 1067], ["cried", 1067], ["explosion", 1087], ["writhe", 1123], ["writhes", 1123], ["writhing", 1123], ["cle", 1133], ["even", 1138], ["evens", 1138], ["tight", 1146], ["send", 1177], ["sent", 1177], ["abandon", 1198], ["come", 1221], ["moment", 1229], ["moments", 1229], ["groan", 1250], ["groans", 1250], ["groanest", 1250], ["groaning", 1250], ["bury", 1262], ["burying", 1262], ["face", 1271], ["neck", 1283], ["necked", 1283], ["grind", 1294], ["grinding", 1294], ["madly", 1300], ["still", 1336], ["together", 1345], ["roll", 1358], ["rolled", 1358], ["lay", 1370], ["lie", 1370], ["lain", 1370], ["next", 1375], ["breathes", 1394], ["breathing", 1394], ["heavily", 1402], ["bloody", 1414], ["bloodying", 1414], ["hell", 1419], ["hells", 1419], ["take", 1444], ["took", 1444], ["layered", 1452], ["skin", 1460], ["push", 1492], ["pushed", 1492], ["look", 1519], ["wince", 1541], ["wincing", 1541], ["eight", 1554], ["parallel", 1563], ["gouge", 1570], ["run", 1578], ["running", 1578], ["guess", 1600], ["get", 1606], ["got", 1606], ["carry", 1614], ["carried", 1614], ["away", 1619], ["chuckle", 1642], ["chuckled", 1642], ["pull", 1653], ["pulled", 1653], ["rest", 1670], ["head", 1679], ["chest", 1692], ["well", 1726], ["wells", 1726], ["age", 1736], ["aged", 1736], ["either", 1756], ["say", 1772], ["sayest", 1772], ["said", 1772], ["assume", 1786], ["assumes", 1786], ["assuming", 1786], ["last", 1796], ["part", 1801], ["parting", 1801], ["mean", 1807], ["meanest", 1807], ["means", 1807], ["good", 1819], ["rumble", 1844], ["rumbles", 1844], ["rumbled", 1844], ["sleepy", 1854], ["laughter", 1863], ["darling", 1904], ["listen", 1924], ["listens", 1924], ["listened", 1924], ["slow", 1954], ["slowed", 1954], ["even", 1965], ["evens", 1965], ["evened", 1965], ["casual", 1994], ["word", 2000], ["words", 2000], ["remind", 2023], ["reminded", 2023], ["actual", 2044], ["term", 2050], ["terming", 2050], ["terms", 2050], ["endearment", 2064], ["dizzy", 2080], ["dizzying", 2080], ["drunk", 2088], ["fairly", 2097], ["burn", 2145], ["burns", 2145], ["burning", 2145], ["frustration", 2162], ["mountainous", 2180], ["weight", 2187], ["weighted", 2187], ["weightest", 2187], ["inside", 2194], ["sexually", 2240], ["root", 2282], ["cause", 2288], ["ache", 2300], ["ached", 2300], ["change", 2316], ["changed", 2316], ["breath", 2358], ["breathest", 2358], ["breaths", 2358], ["heart", 2375], ["beat", 2383], ["beating", 2383], ["ear", 2397], ["watch", 2407], ["watched", 2407], ["rise", 2422], ["risen", 2422], ["fall", 2431], ["falls", 2431], ["admire", 2441], ["admired", 2441], ["contour", 2454], ["contours", 2454], ["contouring", 2454], ["body", 2466], ["bodied", 2466], ["damn", 2480], ["damned", 2480], ["sexy", 2485], ["lover", 2504], ["girl", 2513], ["bad", 2528], ["worse", 2528], ["job", 2548], ["jobbing", 2548], ["hot", 2556], ["accent", 2571], 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so what you are you going to do ? well , it turns out im pretty good at marketing . id like to go back to school and pursue a business marketing degree . maggie high-fived her . im so proud of you chey . you think i can graduate ? absolutely , maggie said , supportively . i just wish i wasnt behind you guys , you know ? cheyenne confessed . maggie frowned , confused she asked , what do you mean ? you arent behind us ? educationally i am . you guys already went to college and graduated with your degrees . but you had a whole life experience . youve met powerful people . you have connections that none of us will ever have . you were offered to star in a reality show plus a lucrative movie deal dont even consider yourself behind . you you have always been way ahead the rest of us chey , maggie said . cheyenne shook her head in disagreement . no , apparently ive been a trouble maker for most of my life . or at least for the time ive been with mark . she was sitting on her couch in a tank top and sponge bob pajama bottoms . her feet were curled up beneath her . mark told me he cant rescue me anymore . he said i was selfish and that he couldnt rescue me what was that about ? mark has a lot on his plate right now , maggie said defensively . well , so do i , cheyenne said . i am just as stressed as everyone else . and , you said i didnt have to work but i did mags ! you both said some harsh , mean and cruel things to me yesterday . neither of you know what ive gone through the past ten years . modeling is not all glamorous . its competitive , viscous and cruel . im sorry for the things i said but you understand i was mad i was being blamed for something i didnt do and punished for it cheyenne lifted her hands up in resignation . i still have the right to express that i was hurt by the words you and mark expressed . okay , fair enough , maggie said . then maggie asked , did you hear everything that mark said though ? of course , i did , cheyenne said . well , maggie said , at lunch today mark kept dwelling on the fact that he finally professed his love for you , and you havent called him out on it . she clutched one of maggies fuzzy dark blue throw pillows . she squeezed it tight to her chest , hugging it . yep , at least thats what he said over and over again during lunch , maggie explained . she twirled one of her braids in with her right index finger . she reached for the package of red vines on the oak coffee table . she pulled out three of the licorice pieces and bit into one and chewed . cheyenne replayed marks tangent over and over in her head . wait maggie smiled as she chewed on more licorice . her eyes were wide and blinking rapidly . beats the heck out of me , maggie said . so he loves me ? always has , always will just like i love reggie , maggie said , bitterly . but what was with the whole i cant rescue you anymore bit ? didnt we already have this discussion last week ? the man has always rescued us in some sort of way . but , not me not constantly anyway he was always rescuing reggies stupid butt . but remember that time when we were watching bugs bunny cartoons , and you got up , went into the kitchen then disappeared into the bathroom for a while ? oh cheyenne bit her bottom lip . we all kept wondering what was taking you so long in the bathroom . cheyenne winced . maggie continued , what in the world made you stick the toothpick vertically between your top and bottom teeth ? maggie laughed from the memory . one of the cartoon characters did it , and i just wanted to try it out , cheyenne explained . how was i supposed to know the toothpick would get stuck , and my jaw was going to remain permanently open ? maggie laughed harder . well , who thought of using scissors to cut the toothpick in half ? mark , she mumbled . maggie snapped her fingers as she recalled something else . what about the time when you were about to stick a hairpin in a light socket ? okay , maggie ! i have idiotic tendencies especially when im bored and mark always either rescued me or stopped me . are you sure because i think , i can come up with more examples especially with reggie involved . why do i get worse around reggie ? you two have always been trouble alone but together its a disaster bound to happen , maggie said simply . do you think im the one who needs to reach out to mark ? dont you think he should reach out to me first ? cheyenne asked hugging her knees . no , i think you need to apologize to him .

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i slept so much that day and night melded together , and when i ate , it was coffee and a pop-tart . no matter how i angled everything around in my head , though , wondering what i was going to do , i always came to the same answer . the only answer , really . on saturday morning as i was toweling my hair dry after my shower , i heard the door downstairs open , and davina 's voice called , `` baby ? i looked at the mug bunny , who was sitting on my bed in his little shoebox . `` i bet they knock in europe . '' i tucked the mug bunny in my arm and brought him downstairs with me . `` we need to talk , '' i said when i got to the bottom of the steps . davina stood in the hallway , a cardboard drink tray in her hand sporting two cups of coffee and some kind of pastry bag . she was smiling , and she looked really pretty in her brightly colored peasant skirt matched with a bright yellow silk shirt , so exuberant next to me in my old jeans and faded purple t-shirt . `` i 'm about to disappoint you . '' i moved toward the front door , holding it open ; i did n't expect this to be a long conversation . `` you seem like a nice person and everything , really . but this whole magic thing ... she stared at me for a long moment , then set the coffee tray down on the half-moon hall table . `` i 'm getting rid of the magic . '' `` getting rid of it ? did something scare you ? '' `` did something scare me ? every time i pick something up , i 'm afraid it 's going to sprout wings or whiskers . i have to go out and buy a new phone because i turned my old one into a bat . i have no idea what you even feed a ceramic mug bunny . and , i got pelted by magic walnuts the other night . '' i lifted the right pant leg of my sweats and showed her the fading bruises , then let it drop . `` whatever 's going on between you and that cain guy is your deal . i really do n't think he 's out to kill you , but that 's between you and him . as for millie ... '' i thought about millie , standing in her red dress at the end of the street after magically pelting peach with walnuts , then i looked at davina . `` you did n't throw your stinky gym sock at millie , did you ? '' you lost me at magic walnuts . who 's millie ? '' sort of on the short and pudgy side , used to be a normal person , now she 's a bombshell with anger issues ? davina shook her head , then crossed her arms over her chest and eyed me . `` you think she has magic ? '' i felt a moment of unease , and then let the front door shut . `` you know , forget the walnuts . the point is , i 'm getting rid of my magic , and then , i 'm leaving . i 'm going to europe , and i 'm going to take pictures of myself with goats . so , thanks so much for everything , but you can go do your fairy godmothering with someone who wants it . '' i recognized the edge in my voice , and added , `` you know . she watched me for a moment , then said , `` mmm-hmmm . '' `` mmm-hmmm what ? '' `` nothing , it 's just ... '' she shrugged , obviously trying to come up with a nice way to say whatever she was thinking . `` wherever you go , there you are . '' `` it means that your problems will go with you to europe , or wherever you end up . your problem is n't the magic , baby . `` so help me god , if you tell me that i had the power within me to change my life all along and all i have to do is click my heels three times , i 'm gon na pop you one . '' she laughed , a hearty , lively laugh that somehow , despite the circumstances , made me feel better . `` i 'm going to have to take that chance . because do n't you see ? you want to do something with your life . this is your chance to do something with your life , something important . and not just any old everyday power , either ; even among magicals , you 're unique . power like that , you could do some very important things with it . '' turn plates into groundhogs ? '' davina 's eyes widened in excitement . there 's so much more to what you can do than that . '' i can barely handle this . '' i held up the mug bunny in my hand . `` i 'm making woodland creatures out of household goods , and you tell me now that there 's more ? '' davina laughed and clapped her hands together . `` he 's cute ! '' i lowered him back down . hello , little guy . ''

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`` stand back , boys , that redhead is down here for a reason , and i 'm packing that reason right here . '' he patted his crotch and fell into an affected bow-legged gait toward the woman . `` evening , darlin ' , you lost or just in search of excellence ? '' jeff , who was sitting beside tommy opposite troy , bent over and said , `` simon is the master . that guy gets more pussy than all of the forty-niners put together . '' tommy said , `` does n't look like he 's doing that well tonight . '' they could n't hear what simon was saying to the woman , but it was obvious she did n't want to hear it . she tried to walk away from him , and simon stepped in front of her . she moved in another direction and he cut her off , smiling and chattering the whole time . tommy leaped off the carts and ran toward them . `` hey , simon , lighten up . '' simon turned and the woman started away . `` we 're just getting acquainted , '' simon said . tommy stopped and put his hand on simon 's shoulder . `` look , man , we 've got a lot to do . i ca n't afford to lose you all night while you show this babe the meaning of life . i need your help , dude . '' simon looked at tommy as if he 'd just exposed himself . simon slapped tommy on the back . he turned back toward the store . `` break 's over , dudes . we 've got some wrenching to do . '' tommy watched him go , then broke into a run after the woman . she turned and eyed him suspiciously , but waited for him to catch up to her . as he approached her he was surprised at just how pretty she was . she looked a little like maureen o'hara in those old pirate movies . his writer 's mind kicked in and he thought , this woman could break my heart . i could crash and burn on this woman . i could lose this woman , drink heavily , write profound poems , and die in the gutter of tuberculosis over this woman . this was not an unusual reaction for tommy . he had it often , mostly with girls who worked the drive-through windows at fast-food places . he would drive off with the smell of fries in his car and the bitter taste of unrequited love on his tongue . it was usually good for at least one short story . he was a little breathless when he reached her . `` i just wanted to apologize for simon . he 's - he 's ... '' `` an asshole , '' she said . but - `` `` it 's okay , '' she said . `` thanks for coming to the rescue . '' tommy swallowed hard . this was why he had come to the city , was n't it ? to take a few risks ? to live on the edge . i know that sounds like a line . it is a line . but - but it 's true in your case . `` do you work here every night ? '' but yes , i will be . five nights a week . graveyard shift . '' `` so you have your days free ? '' except when i 'm writing . '' `` do you have a girlfriend , c. thomas flood ? '' tommy swallowed hard again . `` do you know where enrico 's is on broadway ? '' he hoped he could find it . `` i 'll meet you there tomorrow night , a half hour after sunset , okay ? '' i mean , what time is that ? '' `` i do n't know ; i have to get an almanac . '' tomorrow evening then . look , i 've got to get back to work . we 're sort of in the middle of a crisis . '' he shuffled awkwardly , then walked away toward the store . halfway across the parking lot he stopped . `` hey , i do n't know your name . '' `` it 's jody . '' `` nice meeting you , jody . '' `` see you tomorrow , c. thomas , '' she called . chapter 7 suitors after enduring a reasonable amount of bitterness from the crew over using his position to make a move on the girl in the parking lot , tommy was able to persuade them to get back to work . simon , drew , and jeff performed some mechanical magic on the meat case with a hammer , some jumper cables , and a can of bondo , and by morning everything was running as if greased by the gods . tommy met the manager at the front door with a smile and a report that his first night had gone great . the best crew he had ever seen , he said . he rode to chinatown with troy lee . they found a parking place a few blocks from tommy 's room and walked the rest of the way . the sun was up only an hour , but already the merchants were open and the sidewalks crowded .

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and the pisser was she had n't meant to . they 'd never believe her , though . they 'd want her out on her ass because nobody would allow anything to upset poor , pitiful rachel . she should start packing , but then she had n't come here with anything . everything she owned had been bought by marlene and it just did n't feel right to take it . the knot grew bigger in her stomach . it was n't the first time she 'd been taken in by a friendly face . when was she going to learn that no one was ever nice to her without an ulterior motive ? except marlene . rusty had n't yet figured out any reason the woman had been so nice to her other than that she wanted to . she liked the kelly brothers because they did n't pretend . they did n't like her , they did n't approve of her , and they did n't make a secret of it . she could take that kind of bluntness . truth was , she was n't that crazy about any of them either even if she did admire them in a twisted sort of way . she admired all the kellys . they were fiercely loyal to each other . wanted to be part of something that big and larger than life . after today she 'd be back on the street trying to figure out where her next meal was going to come from . heavy footsteps on the stairs made her flinch . she squeezed her hands harder , determined not to let anyone see their betraying tremble . no doubt she 'd lost any privileges she may have earned in this house . the door swung open , and nathan stood there , his expression solemn . well at least his eyes were n't sparking hatred . she knew she 'd run into that just as soon as she faced rachel 's little protective brigade . `` mom wants to see you downstairs , rusty . '' she flashed a resentful glare in his direction . `` do n't you mean your brothers want to yell at me ? '' nathan leaned against the door frame and studied her with that disturbing , probing stare that told her he saw way too much . `` you do n't think they have reason ? '' she started to pop off some smart-ass remark , but she closed her mouth . she had no defense , and they both knew it . with a resigned sigh , she rose from her perch on the bed . `` take me down to face the firing squad , '' she muttered . worse than nathan taking her to task , he remained silent . he just looked at her with those eyes that saw too much . she 'd much rather he snarl at her or tell her what a fuckup she was . injecting steel in her suddenly jellified spine , she went stiffly down the stairs , dreading the bottom with every step . they were all gathered in the living room . she tromped down the steps , not looking at anyone . still , she could feel their heated stares , feel the anger coming off them in waves . worse , she could sense the deep disappointment coming from marlene 's direction . she chanced a look at frank , and her heart sank when she saw not anger , but sadness . forgoing a seat near any of them , she perched on the brick hearth instead . she could hear the intake of breath as they prepared to launch into a diatribe about how evil she was . `` look , '' she blurted . i know you all hate me . `` watch your mouth , young lady , '' marlene said in her snippy motherly tone that rusty loved so much . maybe because her own mother had never spoken to her in such a way . like a real mom . `` i just want to know why you did it , '' ethan demanded . rusty glanced up and wished she had n't . ethan stood between sam and garrett , and they all scared the bejesus out of her . they even had the right to be . her throat swelled and she swallowed angrily . damn if they 'd make her cry . no one could make her cry . not her crazy-ass mother . not her mother 's stupid husband who called himself rusty 's stepfather . they could all go straight to hell . surprisingly , nathan came to her rescue . `` cut the interrogation , '' he said to his brothers . `` let her tell us what happened . you 've already tried and convicted her . '' something in his expression made her want to explain . it made her want to fight for her place in this family where before she 'd been prepared to say f**k you all and hit the road again . she did n't have any experience with seeing it when people looked at her , but she could swear it was ... trust . she glanced over to where marlene and frank sat . marlene 's face was drawn into a pained expression . shit , it looked like she 'd been crying . frank ... he just looked disappointed .

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it doesnt change a thing other than it breaks my heart to know someone treated you so poorly . but theres nothing you could have done to change him . or had the marriage youd hoped for . youre a smart woman , you must see that ? she did , but it was as if an invisible thread held her to the spot . ian continued , maybe when youre here in this house , you revert . and you temporarily forget all the growing and changing youve done , pulling you back into believing you should be someone else or the person jeremy wanted you to be in the relationship . but because youre not that person , you find yourself in a confusing conflict , causing you to suffer . kira wiped her eyes . he took her hands and squeezed . if having the picture perfect house in the suburbs isnt who you are any more , its ok to move on . youre not going to disappoint anyone , at least not anyone whos worth their salt . no point in trying to force it , he followed up . just be you , do what makes you happy . what ian said sounded sensible . still something dense and stubborn shielded kiras logic . when im at work or the beach im fine , and then i walk through this door and fall apart . have you considered selling ? well , i got rid of all his things . i had a tag sale . no , i mean selling the house . moving anywhere , moving on . as if a light bulb in her heart suddenly illuminated the cavern of her mind , she knew moving was the answer . hearing ian say it is okay to move on , to let go of something that no longer served the person shed become , was like giving her the match to a candle she desperately wanted to light . it also corroborated with nicoles suggestion , though manhattan wasnt the place for her . sometimes taking that last step away from whats familiar is the hardest , ian said . my dog died a few weeks ago . kira tilted her head in sympathy . dont worry im not likening your situation to that , but she was a sweetie . she was actually my ex-girlfriends dog . she left several years ago , with , yes , you guessed it , some other dude . she left macy with me . at first , i was hurt by the breakup , and macy was a constant reminder of rachel . shed follow me around , probably wondering when rachel would be back . she was always at my heels . over time , as my emotions shifted from sadness to anger at rachel , id get annoyed by macy always being there . i actually brought her to an animal shelter , just so i wouldnt think about my ex every time i looked at the dog , but at the last moment , i couldnt bring myself to go in . i probably would have gone home with two dogs . i wasnt angry at macy , i realized later , but at the reminder of rachel and her irresponsibility , insensitivity , generally her all around not being good to macy or me . lucky for macy i love dogs . eventually , i just saw her for what she was , my best friend , surf buddy , and i let go of the old connotations with rachel . but this house is just a house . its not a living , breathing being . you cant have been here very long . just since last fall . no guilt in selling . maybe in some ways its an oppressive reminder that you were done wrong and its you locked in that mindset . or maybe its just haunted . laughter cut through kiras tears , inching toward understanding what ian meant . even though jeremy and i didnt create many memories here together , the walls contain my own recent memories of loneliness , betrayal , and loss , what came at the end and after the relationship . ive accepted what he did and that he died . i could say ive let go of him , but not of the emotions that resulted from all of that . its hard to wrap my head around . kira shifted on the couch , and their knees touched . slowly , piece by piece , its starting to make sense . maybe moving on is the final step , and instead of clinging to the old plan , maybe i can allow a new life unfold . it was almost as if the words were born in her mouth , registering as truth so suddenly she felt a seismic shift , a movement toward freedom as she spoke them . with that effort , kiras eyes suddenly felt heavy . ian took off his hat and ran his fingers through his short hair . possibly , she said still not wanting the night to end . he tossed the cushions off the couch , kicked off his flip-flops , and started to recline . i didnt scare you off ? youre not leaving ? kira , ill never leave you , not unless you want me to , he said softly , and pulled her alongside him . he took kiras glasses off , brushed a few stray hairs out of her face , then kissed her forehead , her nose , cheeks , and then settled softly on her lips .

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there was the lying next to him , skin on skin , so quiet it was like floating on a raft , like our soles were pouring into each other . it was like my whole life id been living in one of those plastic bubbles they put people who cant live in the outside world and dont never feel whats its like to smell the air off a wet pine forest , or feel the sun rising on a cool spring morning , an i was that bubble girl who all of a sudden stepped out into the sweet cool air and onto the dewey grass , and even if i knew i was gon na die for doing it , it was the most wonderfulest moment in my life , by which i mean a moment filled with starlight wonder . our heads were swimming with the poetry . i swear it was like we was drunk , or we was opium eaters floating on a cloud of dreams in `` a savage place ... holy and enchanted '' ( as another poem had it ) , and me his demon lover ( as it turnd out ) . thats all it was -- just a moment , just a quick breathin in , a glimpse of glory , and then it was gone . afterwards , wed lie there in the halflight of the day that was fading away and hed pull out a book and prop it up on my tummy and read to me , and i could feel his words rumble through me , tumble around me , tingle me . but im getting way too graphical . when its different . then , i dint have a care . if youda told me i was gon na get killed out on the highway on the way home , i wouldnt of blinked . idve just smiled at you . you poor fool . you think it matters what happens to me after this ? no , care was something i couldnt do , and careful was something that wasnt in me at the time to be . now , im careful . now i have something to be careful for , but then , it was like i was riding down the roller coaster over at the county fair at five points . my stomach floating up into my chest , and my heart in my throat , and my brain coming out the top of my head . then there was no caring , no taking care , no being careful . there was just the fall like a bungy jump into the can yon of love . and the dizziness that went along with it . my whole world was cradled inside those small walls . it seemed like those few nights we lived a whole lifetime , though now it seems like a whole other life , as far away from us now as the age of the dinosaurs , and i dont want to count the days to see how short a time it realy was . but the funny part is , i kin begin to tell you what we did together , but what we meant to one another i cant rightly put my finger on it . i member one night , it was early in the spring an the air crisp that we went outside wrapped in our blanket together to sit under the moon . it was one of them soft , half-moons , like somebody left a nightlight on in the other room . we was sitting on the grass in the middle of the clearing on the lawn , listening to mindy smith on the stereo from the house abed propped the speakers up on the window ledge -- and for some damned reason or another , i got it into my head to stand up and dance . i was naked as a june bug dancing there in the light of the blue moon . dancing for abe . dedicating a dance to him . the night was sweating and the air felt like it covered me with a soft dewey blanket , so i dint feel naked at all but like i was covered in the blanket of his love . it was stupid to think so , i know now , cuz he hadnt said nothing , but thats how i felt . now , im a big girl reubens neck , abes called it onct -- and not much of a dancer , so the sight of me prancin roun must not have been a pretty sight , but he sat there with his legs crossed and with a kind of half-smile on his face and watched me in his booda pose the whole time , jest letting me be me , lettin me do what i wanted to do , what was in me to do , not telling me what was right or wrong or what jesus would do but jes lettin me be me . and if what i wanted was to follow a fireflys light -- which is really just a glow painted on their butts , by the way -- thats what he was gon na let me do . the grass was clumpy and prickly under my feet when i bent down and kissed him , and we took each other again , and well , i wont go into details here , but that grass was awful prickly and stabbed into my back and butt somethin awful .

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he removed his pack , set it down , and pulled a rain poncho from a forward zipper . hank glanced out the broad picture window framing the mountains and valley . what makes you so sure its going to rain ? skys as clear as a bell . mac slipped on his poncho . any mans been hiking these hills as long as i have tends to develop a sense of things . foreknowledge , some might say . others call it intuition . he shifted the pack back onto his shoulders and a satellite phone slid from his jeans pocket , smacking against the redwood floor . hank loudly cleared his throat . looks more like weather.com to me . rain beat down harder as connie and linda cowered beneath the canopy of an incense cedar . connie steadied the soggy trail map in her hands but couldnt make heads or tails of it in the drowning rain . i think we go no , wait a minute . might help if you turned it right-side up . linda snatched away the map , and it tore in a jagged line down the middle . great , linda ! connie shook out her dripping half of the page . look what youve done now . lightning split the sky , and the girls huddled closer together . sorry , linda said with a grimace . try your cell again , connie urged . linda took it from her jacket pocket , sheltering its face with her hand . still nothing doing ? lindas eyes registered worry . not a bar . thunder boomed as darkness shrouded the forest , settling between towering redwoods and ponderosa pines . nights falling . linda swallowed hard , panning the dense landscape . in their effort to take shelter from the storm , theyd wandered off the trail . now that everything was covered in a deep sludge , they couldnt find it at all . connie wrapped an arm around her little sister . this is one of those summer things . it will blow over . sure , and then what ? then well , i dont know ! its not like well be stuck out here forever . lindas chin trembled as she shook her head . connie met her sisters panicked gaze , knowing just what she was thinking . they were going to be stuck out here forever . eventually , nothing would be found of themexcept for a few scattered bones that had been picked over by grizzly bears . connie asked , her voice warbling . lindas voice trembled in return . they shouted in unison , gripping one another . mac shimmied up a spreading oak , his hiking boots slipping on the damp trunk . the rain had stopped an hour ago , leaving everything in the forest soaked . he steadied himself and climbed higher , his food bag on a rope and pulley secured around his waist . he wouldnt have any bears stealing his grub this time . he damn well couldnt afford it . not with his business , as well as his dreams of financial security , having gone up in smoke . his feet slid again , and he paused , glancing down below . hed been lucky to get his tent pitched before the downpour . thankfully , hed been able to keep everything dry , including some wood and kindling sticks hed collected and covered over with a tarp . wasnt easy to build a campfire when the logs were as soaked as this towering tree . mac gritted his teeth and clambered up another few feet . he spotted the perfect branch overhead . once he had this in place , hed head back down and cozy up by the fire . even in summertime , the nights here got pretty chilly . but mac knew how to handle that . he was good with the outdoors and never missed a beat . he was a fellow who always knew just what he was doing . connie forged ahead as linda clung to her arm . remind me to kill you if we live through this . oh , well live , all right . then youre going to be the one who needs protectionfrom our entire family . linda stumbled , but connie shored her up . well need to watch our step . thank goodness that was just a stick and not a snake . connie stared at her in panic . if there was one thing connie couldnt stand , it was anything that slithered . fact was , she didnt care much for creepy-crawlies either . a weekend in the wild . how in the world did i let linda talk me into this ? you blame me , dont you ? no , but you were getting all mysteriously quiet , like you do when you think ive come up with a bad idea . im sure it wasnt your idea for us to get lost . no , but connie held up her hand , scanning the woods ahead . she thought she spied a glimmer of light beyond a stand of pines . linda , look ! linda shivered , seizing her by the elbow . you mean like something big , with long , sharp teeth ? stop being such a chicken , connie scolded .

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`` i love you , too , bret . '' he held him tightly . this is a hard thing for a little boy to understand . '' slowly they got to their feet . liam picked bret up and carried him out of the barn . when he flicked off the lights , a crashing darkness descended , and he followed the explorer 's headlights through the falling snow . as soon as they were in the car , liam called rosa and jacey and gave them the good news . rosa offered to pick jacey up from the hospital and meet liam and bret at home . bret leaned back in his seat . even with the heat roaring through the vents , he was shivering . sometimes a man has to get away to think . '' he glanced at bret . `` but next time , how about if you go into a room and slam the door shut ? '' bret almost smiled . but i 'm gon na slam it really hard . '' chapter twenty-four liam could n't let go of bret 's hand . all the way home in the car , he held on to those cold little fingers . when they pulled into the garage , liam clicked the engine off and turned to his son . he would have given anything in that moment to say the perfect thing . if wishes were horses , all beggars would ride . it was one of mike 's favorite expressions , and it brought her back to him . he knew what she would say if she were here right now : come on , piano man , face the music . it gave him the shot of strength he needed . `` bret , there 's something else we need to talk about . '' bret turned to him , his face still red from the biting cold . `` do we hafta ? '' already his son had learned to expect the worst . he 'd learned to be afraid . `` come on , i 'll make us some hot chocolate and we 'll sit by the fire and talk . '' `` chocolate and sugar . this is gon na be good . '' `` move it , jim carrey . '' bret blinked up at him , owl-like . `` that 's what mommy said to me ... on the day ... you know ... just before she fell . '' liam tousled his son 's still-damp hair . `` the memories will be like that , pal-o-mine . they 'll come out of nowhere-for you , and for mommy . and bretster , it 's easier if you let them come , along with any emotion they happen to bring with 'em . you ca n't be afraid of what you feel . bret got out of the car and went into the house , flipping on every light switch along the way . liam followed along behind him , turning off the ones they did n't need . in the great room , he knelt in front of the fireplace and arranged the wood and paper . when the fire was cracking and popping , he went into the kitchen and made two cups of instant cocoa . he added a generous amount of milk to bret 's , then carefully carried the two mugs into the living room , where his son was already playing with an action figure , sound effects and all . liam stopped , took a deep breath ... and went on . that 's what parents did . this was a conversation that had to happen . tomorrow bret would go to school and some kid in some class would ask about julian true . bret deserved to learn the truth from his dad . `` hey , pal , '' he said , handing bret a cup . bret peered into the mug and scrunched his face . `` you put milk in it . it looks like a bunch of floating toilet paper in there . '' `` mom does n't add milk-to cool it down ? '' `` ice cubes when it 's instant ; milk when its the real thing . it 's okay , dad . '' he bravely took a sip . `` i love you , bret . '' bret set down the mug . liam knew that was it for the cocoa . liam sat down in the huge , overstuffed chair by the sofa , the one they 'd picked up at a garage sale outside of laconner . mike had spent more money refinishing and re-upholstering it than it would have cost to buy a new one , but as she always said , this chair was as comfortable as fifty years together . it easily held a man and his nine-year-old son . bret climbed up onto his lap . liam touched his son 's face . come this summer , there would be a dusting of freckles across this little nose . `` is this more about mommy ? '' `` you remember we told you a long time ago that mommy had been married before ? '' that 's jacey 's other daddy . '' `` and did you know that julian true was in town ? '' `` lizard man ?

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she would not have to worry that he was being polite for all the wrong reasons : to ease his embarrassment , or worse , her own . did he feel sorry for her ? please , heaven , let his good manners come from more than that . she would not go to london for the season this next year . her heart was not ready for courtship . if she went up to london again in two years then most likely he would have found a match and would spend his time at the tables . when her father came into the room she was still debating the wisdom of claiming a headache to skip dinner . christy , my girl , are you all right ? oh yes , papa , just a little tired . to be sure , watching cricket is an exhausting exercise . she smiled at his silliness . papa , what were you and mama discussing this morning before i came into the breakfast room ? exactly what i wanted to talk with you about now . he sat down in the chair , put his hands on his thighs , and nodded firmly . there was too much chance of interruption at breakfast , and since then there have been enough activities to distract a wooden horse . he stood up , walked over to the beautifully carved fireplace screen , and then back to his chair . there was no laughter in his face now . if anything he looked upset . daughter , your mother tells me that she has it from joanna that you are still upset about the influence your london season had on your feelings for richard . christiana nodded , miserable at the thought that her father probably knew the whole sorry tale . your mother says that joanna says that you say that you were disloyal and dishonest to richard . i think faithless is the word i used . he was her papa . of course he would think so . i can tell you something that may help you see your relationship with richard differently . she all but laughed at the thought of her father as an adviser to the loveless . he rubbed his forehead with his hand . you recall the acreage that has been in dispute between the lamberts and the wiltons ? it must be a hundred years that we have been arguing over it . and i know that if richard and i had married the land would have gone to sir howard , to the wiltons . good , but what you may not know is that sir howard promised his son a goodly amount of money if he did contract an alliance with you and the land did come into the wilton holding . she clenched her hands and made a conscious effort to not let her jaw drop in amazement . she was more than surprised . now , there are always settlements , you know that , so i am not sure that this is all that much different . he pulled out a handkerchief and began mopping his brow . it is completely different , papa , and you know it . the money richards father would have given him was not part of my dowry unless your accounting is extremely convoluted . she jumped up from the chair , ignoring the book when it fell to the floor . do you mean to tell me that the courtship was not about love or passion , it was about land and money ? christiana , calm down . all marriages are about land and money . most of them are very satisfactory . look at your mother and me . do not try and distract me , papa . she spoke each word with rigid clarity whatever other marriages are based on , i wanted mine to come from love . you see how happy joanna is ? that was what i hoped for , what i thought i had found with richard . i learned in london that i did not love richard , but i still believed that kind of love was possible even if it is as rare as snow in may . and now you tell me that for richard this was never about loving ? it was only about money ! i told your mother this might not be the best time to tell you . oh , papa , yes , it is . my mourning is over . he has had all the tears he is ever going to get from me . it was as thorough a purging of her guilt as anything could have been . they both heard the gong announcing tea . christiana took a deep breath , walked over , and gave her father a hug . thank you , papa , i know how hard that was . you go to tea . i think i must sit here a few moments and gather my composure . he held her at arms length and stared at her . he kissed her on the cheek and moved toward the door . do you think monksford will have something stronger than tea ? papa , he will if you ask him . yes , yes , he will . with that assurance he hurried from the room . christiana tried to let the silence of the room calm her . she picked up the volume of fashion plates and set it on the library table . she walked to the doors and pulled them shut . then she went back to the chair and sat down , folding her hands in her lap . deep breaths eased some of her anger but did little to assuage the hurt .

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she handed the sample back . `` sixteen inches should be fine , '' she said , giving him a nod and trying to smile . he had a job to do , so no need to bust his chops , even if she needed to get in there and work . in the past week , with bradley 's help , she 'd come close , real close , to identifying the source of the runoff . but feelings were n't enough . she still needed the test results before she could take any next steps . she 'd just have to wait until later that afternoon to prep the rest of the samples . she decided to check on the juvenile sea otter that had been rescued the week before . the little rascal was clever ; he 'd already figured out how to undo the double latches on the special enclosure they reserved for otters . gage had come in one morning to find him scooting around on the kitchen floor . she found the otter floating on his back with one of gage 's hockey pucks tucked onto his tummy . `` i wondered where that was , '' gage said as he came up beside her . `` recruiting him already ? '' `` he must 've stolen it from my gear bag on his last visit to the kitchen . wo n't give it up . he uses it to crack clams . '' `` i hope that 's regulation equipment , '' michael albright chided when he joined them . `` that 'd make a good press story : clever otter signs with the san jose sharks . '' `` no , michael , '' jackie said . we are trying to reduce human interaction with marine mammals , not encourage it , remember ? mission point number one ? '' michael started to protest , but evidently thought better of it . `` i came by on my way to the city to see our latest star . '' he nodded at the otter . `` even i ca n't resist them. `` jackie showed michael how to separate the frozen lobster and shrimp pieces and toss them in the water from behind the screen at the end of the pool . they did n't want the otter associating food with humans . already kayakers in monterey bay had complained of sixty-five-pound otters crawling up onto their boats . otters were cute at a distance , but it was best to keep them there . `` he eats better than i do , '' gage said . `` he 's cuter than you are , '' michael said with a grin . he pulled jackie aside . `` i heard about alex tavonesi 's growing interest in the center 's work , '' he said smoothly . `` ipso facto our floor . '' she jerked her head back toward the necropsy lab . `` but maybe you have n't heard that he quit volunteering . '' `` minor detail . we 'd like him to be honorary chair of the gala . '' she had n't forgotten about the formal party that michael insisted they throw each year ; she 'd just tried to put it out of her mind . fussing over menus and music and guest lists just was n't her thing . and asking alex to chair such an event was overreaching , even for michael 's loose standards . she took in a breath to protest . `` we do n't have any other draw , '' he added before she could respond , `` at least not like him . he 's baseball 's golden boy right now and we need a star . '' `` he does nike ads , michael . we 're nothing to him . '' `` he gives the money from those ads to charity , my dear . '' he leveled his businessman-of-the-galaxy stare at her . `` we need this , jackie . the center needs this . '' she held her face impassive , considering . `` the animals need this , '' he added . `` that 's low , michael . '' `` do i have to grovel ? '' `` for god 's sake , pull out all the stops , why do n't you ? '' he was devoted to moving the center and its mission forward , and he did what it took . but you ask him . '' when michael raised a brow , she just stood there . she was n't about to try to explain to him what she could n't explain to herself . `` no deal , '' michael said . `` he could n't care less about me . you ask him . today would be good-and since it did n't make the printed invite , we 'll have to use my publicity people to get the word out . '' he nudged her on the shoulder as if she were a child reluctant to enter a game . `` here 's his cell number . michael headed for his porsche , then turned back . `` by the way , i got you a great printing deal for the membership brochures .

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before they got to shore , christophe told her desmond would be back for them in a couple of hours . so , where dyou want to eat ? he angled his head toward the nearby hotel . there , or somewhere else ? she pointed in the direction of the town . one of the restaurants down the road is fine . i eat in established places every day . hand-in-hand , they strolled down the street . anya had always been wary of port royal . the earthquake that sank the city had happened in the 1600s , but one never knew . it would be just her luck to be trapped here when the next one struck . she hoped it wouldnt be tonight . the salty tang in the air and constant breeze was a pleasant change from kingston . anya didnt miss the citys backdrop of blaring horns and reggae music blasting from sound boxes on street corners . the restaurant was a casual affair with tables inside and outside the building . the owners had strung pepper lights around the edge of the roof and on the supporting poles , no doubt to ring in the christmas season . anya chose to sit under the stars and enjoy the gentle breeze , while christophe paid for their meal inside the restaurant . a lively group of half-a-dozen people sat close by , laughing and sharing drinks . the wash of the waves was audible from anyas table . she found herself working up an appetite as she breathed deeply of the sea air . dinner consisted of fried fish and bammiessmall wafers made from pressed cassava . these were fried until golden brown . christophe had ordered steamed fish & okra , which anya thought yucky and told him as much . its healthier than the greasy food youre having , he said . making a face , she replied , you only live once . which is why im trying to make this time count . she laughed and a moment later , he joined her , pleasing her ear with the sound of his amusement . when their laughter died , christophe patted her hand . never mind me , youll learn that i eat healthy . and youll find out that i have exactly what i want when i want . his gaze roamed her upper body before he smirked . anticipating what he might say , she spoke before he did . i can be lethal . he raised both hands , palms out . all i was going to say is that itll take some doing to spoil your figure . a slow tide of heat climbed her neck and she looked away , willing herself not to give in to the silly grin trying to break free . she had a few sips of fruit punch , enjoying the air currents that kissed her skin . it wasnt often that she came this close to the beach . camille and karen would be shocked into silence when she dropped news of this outing on them . what a way to change the status quo . she wondered how christophe could possibly top this night . she could see herself enjoying the coming holiday if he stuck around . these days , christmas consisted of dinner at her mothers house and doing battle with her sister , who refused to listen to anything either of them told her . not anyas idea of fun , but it was better than sitting at home , trying to avoid issues she didnt want to face . looking at his watch , christophe said , desmond will be back soon . he helped her to her feet and hand-in-hand , they strolled the way theyd come . the security guard greeted them when they returned to the dock , and left them after a moment . the breeze picked up and christophe moved to stand behind her , sliding both arms around her waist . she stood stiffly at first , but relaxed as the wash of the water against the shore soothed her jumping nerves . you sure hes coming back shortly ? she asked when the security guard went past them a third time . dipping his head to hers , christophe pointed to the sea and the approaching boat . man , youre impatient . dyou ever relax ? i can , now that i know im not stranded in earthquake territory without a ride . with a hand slung over her shoulder , christophe chuckled . one thing is sure . ill never be bored when im around you . filled with contentment , anya closed her eyes and inhaled his scent . this time , he wore a light musk . the boat pulled in and desmond gave her a hand on board . on the ride in , she snuggled against christophe , lulled by the movement of the boat and the steady thud of his heart . she didnt feel the need to talk , but listened as desmond and janelle murmured by the side railing . when they kissed , anya looked away . back at the marina in kingston , she thanked desmond and waved goodbye to janelle . motorized traffic was light , but the street corners were busy with clusters of men playing dominoes and hanging out at bars . as they got closer to her apartment , fewer people were on the roads . at her door , she thanked christophe for a wonderful evening .

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`` i do n't remember if i told him i loved him , '' meredith said . nina drew back , looked into her strong sister 's ruined face and tear-filled eyes . and he knew it anyway . meredith nodded , wiped her eyes . `` they 'll be ... coming for him soon . '' nina watched her sister regain composure . `` she 's up with dad . i could n't get her to leave him . '' they exchanged a look that said everything and nina said , `` i 'll go try . `` we start making plans . and phone calls . '' the thought of it , of watching his life turn into the details of death , was almost more than nina could bear . she told her sister she 'd be back and left the kitchen . every step took effort and by the time she reached the second floor , she was crying again . softly , quietly , steadily . at the silence , she turned the knob and went inside . surprisingly , the room was empty except for her father , lying in the bed , with the covers drawn so tightly to his chin that they looked like a layer of new-fallen snow on his body . she touched his face , pushed a snow-white strand of hair away from his closed eyes , and then leaned down and kissed his forehead . the cold of his skin shocked her and the thought slipped in : he 'll never smile at me again . she drew in a deep breath and straightened , staring down at him for a long time , memorizing every detail . `` good-bye , daddy , '' she said softly . there were more words , of course , hundreds of them , and she knew when she 'd say them later : at night , when she felt lonely and disconnected and far away from home . backing away from the bed ( she had to , had to make herself move , leave , now before she completely broke ) , she picked up the phone to call danny but hung up before she 'd even heard a tone . how could words ease a pain like this ? out of the corner of her eye , she saw a blur of movement in the yard ; dark blurring across white . mom was out there , in the snow , trudging toward the greenhouse . nina hurried downstairs and slipped back into her borrowed coat and wet boots , then walked across the porch , passing the kitchen window . inside , she saw meredith talking on the phone , her face chalky , her lips trembling . nina did n't even know if her sister saw her pass by . she went down the side steps and into the thick snow at the corner of the house . aftera few feet , she picked up mom 's trail and stepped in her footsteps . at the greenhouse , she stopped just long enough to gather courage and then opened the door . her mother was in her lawn nightgown and snow boots , kneeling in the dirt , pulling up tiny potatoes and throwing them in a pile . nina said it twice more , and got no answer ; finally , sharply , she said , `` anya , '' and moved closer . mom stopped and looked back . her long white hair was unbound and fell in tangles around her pale face . `` there are potatoes . food will help him ... ... '' nina knelt beside her mother in the dirt . it scared her to see her mother this way , but in a strange way , it soothed her , too . for once , they were feeling the same thing . `` hey , mom , '' she said , touching her shoulder . mom stared at her , slowly frowning . confusion clouded those brilliant blue eyes . she shook her head and made a sound , like a hiccup . fresh tears glazed her eyes and the confusion lifted . `` potatoes wo n't help . '' `` no , '' nina said quietly . `` he 's gone.evan is gone . '' `` come on , '' nina said , taking her by the elbow , helping her to her feet . they walked out of the greenhouse and into the snowy yard . `` let 's go inside , '' nina said . mom ignored her and walked into the calf-deep snow , her hair and nightgown billowing out behind her in the slight breeze . at last she sat on the black bench in her garden . nina followed her mother . unbuttoning her own coat , she took it off and draped it over mom 's thin shoulders . shivering , nina drew back and sat down . she thought she knew what her mother loved about this garden : it was contained and orderly . in the sprawling acreage of the orchard , this one square felt safe . the only color in the garden , besides summertime and autumn leaves , belonged to a single copper column , simple in design and accentuated with scripted decorations , that supported a white marble bowl that , come spring , would be filled with white , trailing flowers . `` i do not want him buried , '' her mother said . `` not in ground that freezes . we 'll scatter his ashes . ''

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i stare at her , wishing that i could hold her . soon , i think to myself . soon , i will join her . it is hard to keep talking , but i force myself to respond . `` if we 'd never met , i think i would have known that my life was n't complete . and i would have wandered the world in search of you , even if i did n't know who i was looking for . '' her eyes brighten at this , and she reaches over to run her hand through my hair , her touch soothing and warm . `` you have said this to me before . i have always liked this answer . '' i close my eyes and they nearly stay closed . when i force them open again , ruth has dimmed , becoming almost translucent . `` i 'm tired , ruth . '' `` it is not time yet . i have not read your letter yet . the new one , the one you wanted to deliver . can you remember what you wrote ? '' i concentrate , recalling a tiny snippet , but only that and nothing more . `` not enough , '' i mumble . `` tell me what you can remember . it takes a while to gather my strength . i breathe deliberately , hear the faint whistle of my labored exchange . i can no longer feel the dryness in my throat . all of it has been replaced by bone-deep exhaustion . `` 'if there is a heaven , we will find each other again , for there is no heaven without you . ' '' i stop , realizing that saying even this much leaves me breathless . i think she is touched , but i can no longer tell . though i am looking at her , she is almost gone now . but i can feel the radius of her sadness , her regret , and i know that she is leaving . here and now , she ca n't exist without me . she seems to know this , and though she continues to fade , she scoots closer in the seat . she runs her hand through my hair and kisses me on my cheek . she is sixteen and twenty and thirty and forty , every age , all at once . she is so beautiful that my eyes begin to well with tears . `` i love what you have written to me , '' she whispers . `` i want to hear the rest of it . '' `` i do n't think so , '' i mumble , and i think i feel one of her tears splash onto my cheek . `` i love you , ira , '' she whispers . her breath is soft in my ear , like the murmurings of an angel . `` remember how much you always meant to me . '' `` i remember ... , '' i begin , and when she kisses me again , my eyes close for what i think will be the very last time . 29 sophia on saturday night , while the rest of the campus was celebrating yet another weekend , sophia was writing a paper in the library when her cell phone buzzed . though the use of phones was allowed only in designated areas , sophia saw there was no one else around and reached over , frowning when she saw the text and the sender . call me , marcia had written . minimal as it was , it was more communication than they 'd had since the argument , and sophia wondered what to do . text back ? ask what was going on ? or do as marcia had asked and call her ? sophia was n't sure . frankly , she did n't want to talk to marcia at all . like the rest of her sorority , she was surely at a party or at a bar . she was most likely drinking , which opened the door to the possibility that she and brian might be fighting , and the last thing sophia wanted was to get involved in something like that . she did n't want to listen to marcia cry about what a jerk he was , nor did she feel ready to rush over and support her , especially after the painstaking way in which marcia had continued to avoid her . now , though , she wanted sophia to call her . because whatever was going on , it was urgent . now that was a word that was open to all sorts of interpretation , she thought to herself . she debated for another few seconds , making her decision , before finally saving her work and shutting down the computer . she slid it into her backpack , put on her jacket , and headed to the exit . as she pushed open the door , she was met unexpectedly by an arctic blast of air and a thickening layer of snow on the ground . the temperature must have dropped twenty degrees in the last few hours . she was going to freeze on the walk back ... brushing aside her better judgment , she reached for her phone and tucked back into the lobby . marcia picked up on the first ring . in the background , she could hear music blaring and the cacophony of a hundred conversations . thank god you called ! '' sophia drew a tense breath . she could hear the background noise fading , marcia no doubt in search of someplace more quiet .

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`` i am the bane of their existence , for they are assigned regularly to me . '' keeley grinned . `` i heard a lot about you during our journey . '' mairin scowled. `` 't was disloyal of them to speak behind my back . '' `` they did n't speak as much as they hinted , '' keeley corrected . `` and gannon refused to answer a direct question . he said 't was disloyal . '' mairin laughed outright , earning her suspicious frowns from the men . `` come , mistress , '' gannon said in resignation . `` let us hasten to the forest so we can return quickly . '' `` no need to act as though a death sentence is being carried out , '' keeley muttered . mairin laughed softly . `` i 'll wait for you in alaric 's chambers , keeley . in the meantime i 'll make sure he is comfortable and that your instructions are carried out . '' keeley nodded and fell into step behind the group of warriors assigned to watch over her . despite her initial irritation at the idea that she could n't simply leave the keep alone , it gave her a tiny thrill that she was considered important enough to warrant the watch of three highly trained warriors . she 'd never felt safer than she did right now with three such brawny men surrounding her as they walked beyond the stone skirt and toward the patch of trees in the distance . perhaps coming to mccabe keep was n't the inconvenience she 'd first thought . the laird 's wife was n't at all what she 'd expected , and despite the circumstances of keeley 's arrival , she was being treated well . it was entirely possible that she could grow to like life here . after all , it was n't as though she had a clan to return to . no sense putting the cart before the horse . she was entirely too fanciful for her own good . the laird had n't brought her here out of the goodness of his heart . he had no desire to make her feel at home or make her feel a valued member of his clan . he wanted her skills . when she no longer served a purpose , she might well find herself turned out . the one thing she 'd learned in life was that family was a fickle concept . if she could n't expect such a thing from her own clan , how could she expect it from complete strangers ? she nodded grimly to herself . aye , she needed to pull her head from the clouds and view her mission with more objectivity . she was a captive . to forget such was to open herself up for more disappointment . chapter 8 by the time keeley returned to the keep , the sun had already slipped beyond the horizon and cold permeated her bones . she was weary and aching from all the bending and kneeling , but she 'd been successful beyond her expectations . the mccabes had an excellent stock of plants and roots , and now her skirt was full as she trudged toward the door . she shivered and curled her fingers a little tighter into the material of her dress as she clutched the ends so the tiny shoots did n't fall . her hands were numb with cold and her teeth had long since stopped chattering . she could barely feel her chin . she stumbled going up the steps and cormac caught her elbow to steady her . she mumbled her thanks and continued on , welcoming the warmer air of the interior. `` 't is growing colder , '' gannon said . `` it looks like snow this night . '' `` it 's looked like snow for two days , '' cormac argued . `` aye , he 's right . it will snow before the morn , '' keeley said as she mounted the stairs to alaric 's chamber . `` thank goodness our stores are full , '' gannon said . `` we look to be in for a long winter . it will be nice to not worry where our next meal will come from . '' keeley paused on the stairs and glanced behind her to where gannon stood . the keep is in disrepair and you speak of hard times . '' gannon grimaced . 't is not something i should have spoken freely about . i was merely thinking aloud . my laird would not be pleased that my tongue got away from me . '' keeley shrugged. `` 't is not as if i asked you for battle secrets . i would think i 'm entitled to know what i 've been thrust upon . '' `` 't is of no consequence , '' cormac offered from below gannon . `` all is well now that the laird has married lady mccabe . our clan thrives again thanks to her . we are blessed to have her . '' keeley smiled at the obvious affection in his voice . mairin mccabe was a most fortunate woman for she was dearly loved by not only her husband but her clan as well . `` is there a reason you dally on the stairs when my brother is sore in need of aid ? ''

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mike and i continued to munch and chat until my lunch hour was almost over and i hurried back to work . it was amazing how much brighter the day and life in general looked . **** friday night i perused the room with satisfaction . mike and i had been here for about fifteen minutes and were circulating . the noise from more than thirty singles , members and visitors , resembled a football crowd . some peoples hobo costumes were incredibly creative . they ranged from one guy who truly could have come in off the street , to my nemesis , ginny doran . shed opted for the sophisticated look , and wore a sequin-studded coat and leggings making her appear more movie starlet than hobo . grubby she wasnt . i tried to spot mike hudson , hoping he wasnt hung up on her allure . seeing him in a corner , i headed in his direction , only to be stopped halfway by ginny . why i declare , i almost didnt recognize you . you look so authentic . i immediately peered down at my baggy jeans , held at the waist by a length of rope , my ripped and torn painting shirt , and a shabby jacket id found at a thrift store . my floppy shoes and battered hat were other bargains id discovered . dotting my cheeks were a few painted-on freckles . id stuck a silk pansy in the band of the hat and thought i looked pretty good . cute had been mikes word for my outfit when he picked me up . ginny made me feel overdressed and silly . i managed to keep my tone dry rather than hostile . youre costume is certainly unexpected . ginnys sultry laugh sounded . i decided there was no point in looking too . she lifted an eyebrow at my clothes , too awful . i cant bear to look tacky . by now of course i felt grubby and completely horrible . she probably didnt mean a thing by it . i must be reading more into her words than intended . forgive your brother seventy times seven . i figured with ginny that should just about get me through the party . where is that good-looking new man , mike ? her eyes roved over the crowd , speculation apparent . didnt i see you talking to him earlier ? from out of nowhere a wave of boldness washed over me . well , well , arent you the fast worker ? her glare would have penetrated a steel wall . he asked me the other day at lunch . i couldnt tell if i was deliberately putting my head into a noose id later regret , or if the worm had turned after years of being suppressed . ginnys laugh tinkled . i really will have my work cut out for me , wont i ? i suppose id better get started . a hundred responses , none of which remotely qualified as christ-like , quivered on my lips . i clamped my mouth shut and pasted an insincere approval on my face . i threw the comment at her as i wheeled and headed for the corner where id seen mike a few minutes earlier . fortunately he was still there . pushing my way through the crowd , i gave him the once over as i approached . he really looked cute , yet tough at the same time . hed crammed his broad shoulders into a jacket several sizes too small . it threatened to burst at the seams any moment . his wide tie came straight from the eighties and his ankle-length boots were slashed along the sides to give brief glimpses of red socks . a blue polka dotted handkerchief was thrust into one breast pocket . somewhere hed found a derby hat that was too small . it perched on his head reminding me of a bird on a shrunken nest . serious five oclock shadow completed the look . i walked boldly up , and slipped one hand through the crook of his arm . his eyes lit up and he turned back to jack , the guy hed been talking to . nice to talk to you , jack . well try to get together soon . jacks response sounded automatic . i could tell the way his attention shifted from mike to me and back , jack was busy assessing my relationship with the new guy . it was an interest i got used to before the evening was over . the big disadvantage in not dating before from within the singles group made it awfully obvious something new was being written in the biography of laurel edmonds . on the other hand , i couldnt ever remember feeling such satisfaction , especially every time i saw ginny doran . by the midpoint of the party , even her sequins were drooping . **** theres a lot to be said for the subconscious . on monday morning , i knew what to do about my mother . i suspected it was due to a fun evening on friday . the saturday date with tony reaffirmed my capacity for enduring pain . tony was offset by another great day on sunday as i basked in looks of approval from mike hudson and the other kind from ginny doran . i picked up the phone and called for a doctors appointment .

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she supposed that a day or so ago she would have hoped for just that , that hethe would not wake up . it would have been extremely handy for a woman who did n't wish to be married to him . but helen 's feelings had changed somewhat . the man she was coming to know as hethe of holden , and the man she had known as the hammer , were not the same man . the man who lay in the bed had withstood some rather mean efforts by her to avoid marriage , all with good cheer and little retribution . at least , she supposed , he had n't done anything to her she did n't deserve . hethe , the hammer of holden , the man of those tales , the cruel bastard who ordered children 's hands cut off and women 's br**sts removed , would never have withstood her pranks so well , she was sure . in fact , she had thought she was taking her life in her hands when first she had resolved herself to flouting his will . yet , he had not hit her - or even threatened to - once . too , he was a sweet and gentle lover . surely the man she had thought he was would not be like that . there was definitely something wrong , and she was beginning to believe that hethe 's second had truly behaved without sanction . but when she thought of the young , red-haired man in question she had trouble accepting that , too . a groan from the bed drew her gaze , and helen leaned closer as her husband 's eyes opened . she murmured , eyeing him with concern as he winced and drew in a long , hissing breath . `` my head , '' he moaned . mary was immediately there , tincture in hand . helen helped her pull hethe into a seated position , then watched silently as the healer urged him to drink . her husband grimaced at the taste but swallowed the potion dutifully , then glanced at helen as mary took the mug away . `` do you not recall ? '' she asked anxiously , worried about damage to his brain . he had been thrown some distance . he peered at her blankly for a moment ; then his confusion suddenly cleared . `` the horse cart . '' `` aye , '' helen breathed her relief . she had n't seen what set the animal off . perhaps sir william had , though she doubted it . his attention had been on hethe , or so it had seemed . she glanced questioningly toward the knight who stood patiently at the foot of the bed . `` i shall find out , '' william vowed when he saw her look . and with that , he strode purposefully from the room . `` i need you to move your foot . '' helen glanced at mary at those words . the healer was now by hethe 's swollen leg . hethe twitched his foot , wincing in pain as he did , and the young woman nodded in satisfaction . it is not broken . i did not think so , but ... '' she shrugged . `` i think you had best stay abed for the rest of the day , my lord . both your head and leg need a chance to heal . '' `` i will not spend the day abed . `` whatever you have to do can wait another day or so , '' helen said firmly . when he started to protest , she added , `` william shall take care of whatever can not wait . '' hethe grunted in disgust . `` that was what i thought when i left stephen in charge . you know how that turned out . '' helen 's determination dimmed briefly , but after a glance at his forehead she straightened grimly . you are here this time . simply unable to traipse about . '' `` i - `` hethe began , but mary interrupted . `` i fear that the tincture i just gave you for the pain in your head will not allow you to do anything , my lord . you shall be sleeping like a babe quite soon . '' hethe did not look pleased . his gaze narrowed and alternated from one woman to the other as if suspecting they were in cahoots . `` i suppose this was my wife 's idea ? she was trying to lure me back to bed earlier , and now she has convinced you to aid her in the endeavor . '' helen 's jaw dropped at her husband 's accusation ; then she caught the sparkle in his eyes and realized the man was teasing . wrinkling her nose , she shook her head when mary glanced at her uncertainly . she retorted , `` i fear you may have suffered brain damage , after all , my lord husband . surely you are imagining things if you think that i would want a scraped-up and dented specimen such as yourself in my bed . '' hethe started to laugh , as she knew he would , then stopped abruptly , wincing in pain . `` oh , my head , '' he groaned , clasping his hands to either side of it .

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2417], ["word", 2469], ["words", 2469], ["leg", 2514], ["twitch", 2531], ["twitching", 2531], ["twitchest", 2531], ["twitched", 2531], ["wince", 2550], ["wincing", 2550], ["pain", 2558], ["nod", 2597], ["nodded", 2597], ["satisfaction", 2613], ["break", 2632], ["broke", 2632], ["broken", 2632], ["think", 2650], ["thinkest", 2650], ["shrug", 2679], ["shrugging", 2679], ["shrugged", 2679], ["well", 2705], ["wells", 2705], ["stay", 2710], ["rest", 2728], ["lord", 2749], ["chance", 2788], ["chanced", 2788], ["chancing", 2788], ["heal", 2796], ["healest", 2796], ["spend", 2821], ["spends", 2821], ["spendest", 2821], ["abe", 2834], ["abed", 2834], ["whatever", 2848], ["wait", 2872], ["waitest", 2872], ["another", 2880], ["say", 2906], ["sayest", 2906], ["said", 2906], ["firmly", 2913], ["start", 2931], ["started", 2931], ["protest", 2942], ["protestest", 2942], ["add", 2954], ["added", 2954], ["take", 2978], ["care", 2983], ["grunt", 3027], ["grunted", 3027], ["disgust", 3038], ["disgusted", 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tina finally caves and blurts out , `` princess ' daddies do n't pay for princess things , their fairy godmothers do ! '' ceecee turns to face tina and asks quietly , `` are you my fairy godmother ? '' tina 's eyes crinkle as she touches ceecee 's cheek and confidently states , `` today i am . '' tina 's the shit . chapter eleven cherry bombs tina left shortly after returning ceecee to the white rabbit . and the rest of the day consisted of ceecee going on and on and on about tina and what she said and did and that she eats a lot and how tina said ladies and princesses do n't say the word bitch . tina is cricket 's new idol . before she left , she took me and max aside and spoke to us about ceecee . what she told us was n't anything we did n't know but at least she was trying to help . she told us , `` ceecee is really insecure . i spoke to her about a few things today and got a few answers if you want them . i normally would n't tell you but it 's not like she swore me to secrecy . '' max looks dejected and quietly replied , `` that would be good , t. '' she puffed out a breath and remarked `` where to start ? um , ceecee has no idea how to make friends . i told her the basics but because she 's been bullied she 's extra shy . so i gave her a little advice about the bullying , even though when she told me i wanted to ask her what school she went to and give those bullies something to talk about ! '' she nods enthusiastically as she says this , eyes wide . i try my hardest not to laugh . `` she also told me everyone in the family treats her like a baby . '' she puts her hand on max 's . `` this is n't helping her , honey . she 's nine going on eighteen . she knows when she 's being babied . '' max runs his free hand through his hair and explains , `` i do n't know how to be any other way . i try not to , t. '' she takes both of his hands , pulls them up to her chest and looks his right in the eye . she answers fiercely , `` try harder , honey . and it 's great to be protective of her but she does n't need a bodyguard , max . she needs a daddy who she can come to with her problems , not a father that tries to stop all the problems before they 've even happened . '' max drops her hands and pulls her into a bear hug . they rock from side to side . max says , `` i 'll try , t. '' `` that 's great , honey . '' she smiles , loosens her hold on him and looks up . i 'll see you guys tonight , right ? '' max kisses her forehead and replies , `` bet your life on it . '' he releases her and she walks over to me . `` i need a hug from niki . '' i smile and pull her into my arms . i saw max leave my office . tina toys with my collar and speaks softly , `` he 'll be okay , right ? '' i smile into her forehead , `` of course sweetheart . i know he 'd do anything for her . he 'll try harder , you 'll see . '' she smiles up at me and reaches on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek . her lips brush the very corner of mine but she does n't seem bothered by it . she says , `` see you tonight , niki . '' freakin ' a . *** the girls all come to my apartment to get ready to go to the white rabbit . i tell them how my day went with ceecee and although they 're sad for the little chicken being bullied and friendless , they 're happy she had a great time . i feed bear and give him a cuddle then we all commence project get-ready-for-the-club . primping . straightening . making up . dressing up . and an hour later we 're ready to go . mimi looks stunning in a safira bought little black dress with black and white checkered heels ; black makes her blue eyes pop . she wears her honey blonde hair straight . lola looks beautiful in a dark green kaftan style dress that 's tighter around the top and flows around her feet with sandals . her long brown hair is wildly curled . she goes with little makeup but with bright red lips . she looks like a sexy gypsy . nat is just gorgeous in a gold halter dress that goes to her feet with a wicked split up the thigh ; she wears gold sandals that strap up the calf . her violet hair is straight tonight ; she makes herself up so her green eyes are surrounded by a smoky black shadow . i 'm dressed wearing yet another long sleeved black backless dress that comes mid-thigh . this one has silver beaded patterns through it .

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1592], ["puts", 1592], ["hand", 1601], ["help", 1636], ["helpest", 1636], ["helping", 1636], ["honey", 1648], ["honeys", 1648], ["nine", 1662], ["eighteen", 1680], ["eighteens", 1680], ["know", 1692], ["knowest", 1692], ["knows", 1692], ["baby", 1717], ["babied", 1717], ["run", 1731], ["runs", 1731], ["free", 1740], ["hair", 1762], ["explain", 1775], ["explains", 1775], ["way", 1818], ["ways", 1818], ["take", 1851], ["takes", 1851], ["hand", 1869], ["hands", 1869], ["pull", 1877], ["pulls", 1877], ["chest", 1898], ["right", 1918], ["rightest", 1918], ["eye", 1929], ["eyed", 1929], ["fiercely", 1952], ["hard", 1968], ["great", 1994], ["protective", 2011], ["need", 2040], ["needest", 2040], ["bodyguard", 2052], ["need", 2070], ["needest", 2070], ["needs", 2070], ["daddy", 2078], ["come", 2095], ["problem", 2116], ["problems", 2116], ["father", 2131], ["fathered", 2131], ["fathering", 2131], ["try", 2142], ["tryed", 2142], ["tries", 2142], ["stop", 2150], ["happen", 2197], ["happened", 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she was still looking at her magazine , and she spoke without moving her lips , her voice barely audible above the deep roar of the 757 's engines . `` throw us off ? we 're six miles up . '' `` do n't remind me , '' jenny said to the window as michael began to describe to audrey , in hushed detail , exactly what he imagined they could do with four runaways in pittsburgh . i 'm a runaway , jenny thought wonderingly . it was such an unlikely thing for her , jenny thornton , to be . in the darkened window she could see her own face-or part of it . a girl with forest-green eyes , dark as pine needles , and eyebrows that were straight , like two decisive brush strokes . hair the color of honey in sunlight . jenny looked past the ghostly reflection to the black clouds outside the plane . now that the stewardess danger had passed , all she had to worry about was dying . she really hated heights . what was strange was that even though she was scared , she was also excited . the way people get excited when an emergency , a natural disaster , happens . when all normal rules are suspended , and ordinary things that used to be important suddenly become meaningless . like school . like her parents ' approval . like being a good girl . all blown when she ran away . and her parents would n't even understand why , because the note jenny had left them had said almost nothing . i 'm going somewhere and i hope i 'll come back . iou $ 600.00 . not very informative . dear mom and dad , a terrible thing happened at tom 's birthday party last month . you see , we built this paper house and it became real . and suddenly we were all inside it , and this guy called julian made us play a game there with him . we had to face our worst nightmares and win , or he would have kept us with him in the shadow world forever . and we all made it out except summer-poor summer , you know she was never the brightest-and that 's why summer 's been missing for weeks . she died in her nightmare . but the thing is , mom and dad , that julian followed us out of the shadow world . he came into our world and he was after one thing-me . he made us play another game , and this one turned out bad . it ended with him taking tom and zach back to the shadow world . that 's where they are now-they did n't run away like everybody thinks . and the last thing julian said to me after taking them was : if you want them , come on a treasure hunt . only there 's just a slight problem about getting into the shadow world-i do n't have any idea how to do it . so i 'm flying to pennsylvania , to grandpa evenson 's house . he opened a door to the shadow world a long time ago , and maybe he left some clues behind . god , no , jenny thought . the first part her parents had already heard , and did n't believe . the second part would just let them know where jenny was going-and give them a chance to stop her . excuse me , doctor , but my daughter has flipped . she thinks some demon prince has taken her boyfriend and her cousin . we 've got to lock her up and keep her safe . oh , yes , get that biiiiig hypodermic over there . no , jenny could n't tell anyone . she and audrey and dee and michael had spent three days planning this trip . it had taken them that long to get enough money for plane tickets , each collecting two hundred dollars a day using their parents ' atm cards . now they were on the red-eye from lax to pittsburgh , alone and vulnerable , six miles off the ground . their parents thought they were asleep in their beds . and jenny was excited . it was do or die , now , literally . there was n't such a thing as safety anymore . she was going to a place where nightmares came true-and killed you . she would never forget summer 's blond head disappearing in that pile of garbage . when she got there , all she 'd have to rely on were her own wits-and her friends . michael cohen , with his rumpled dark hair and soulful eyes , wearing clothes that were clean , wrinkled , and bore no resemblance to any fashion trend that had ever existed . audrey myers , cool and elegant in a black-and-white italian pantsuit , keeping any turmoil she might be feeling hidden under a perfectly polished exterior . and dee eliade , a night princess with a skewed sense of humor and a black belt in kung fu . they were all sixteen , juniors in high school , and they were on their way to fight the devil . the flight attendants served dinner . dee ate her fruit plate brazenly . once the trays were cleared , lights began to go out all over the plane . one by one they winked off .

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`` no , '' cal said . she paused for a moment and took in several steadying breaths . `` will i ... will i have to face him in court ? '' the answer came from at least three different sources and she turned in all directions . if he opts to go to court that is his prerogative , but you are n't asking him for anything . there 's nothing to dispute , so i doubt he 'll want to appear , and if so , i will appear on your behalf as your counsel . '' she smiled , felt her entire face relax . the more she tried to contain her joy , the wider she felt her face split . adam slipped a hand up and down her back then rested his palm on her shoulder and squeezed . cal looked intently at her . `` this will end soon , holly . you have my assurances . '' she wiped it away impatiently , not at all sure why she was crying . adam stood beside her and reached across the desk to shake cal 's hand . `` we appreciate everything , cal . '' cal also stood . `` i 'm glad to do whatever i can . holly followed the men out of the office . ryan hung back in the hallway and immediately pulled her into his arms . she hugged him back , feeling just as relieved as he seemed to be . `` want to find a salon now ? '' adam asked as they stepped out into the cold air . they walked over to the land rover and holly slid into the front seat . she let out a long whoosh of air and briefly closed her eyes . ethan asked from the back . she opened her eyes and swiveled her head to look at him . `` you do n't even know , '' she said softly . `` i know i feel better , '' ryan muttered . `` the sooner she no longer bears that bastard 's last name , the better . '' holly wrinkled her brow . she had n't considered the issue of last name . once she was divorced , would she resort to her maiden name ? she did n't see how she could take colter since it was n't exactly legal to marry more than one man . but at the same time , she wanted to belong to them , did n't want to be viewed as merely a lover or a girlfriend . adam murmured as he started the engine . she paused not wanting to admit exactly what had crossed her mind . it seemed presumptuous at best . she hated the insecurity that crept in despite her best efforts to keep it at bay . she opened her mouth to respond , but could n't make the words come out . `` nothing , '' she said with a slight stammer . adam braked and shoved it into park halfway out of the parking place . what is it you wo n't say ? you have to know you can tell us anything . '' adam cupped her chin , rubbing his thumb gently over her jaw . `` i hate that you worry so much around us . `` the whole name thing , '' she mumbled . ethan asked leaning forward in his seat . `` i kind of liked the idea of being a colter , '' she said , her cheeks flaming . `` but i know it is n't possible . '' he grasped the back of her headrest and pulled himself forward until he met her gaze . ethan and adam also wore questioning expressions . `` i ca n't exactly marry all of you . that is if you 'd even want marriage . oh hell , i 'm making a mess of this , '' she muttered , closing her eyes . `` baby , do you doubt how much we want you ? '' she hesitated for the briefest of moments then finally shook her head . `` as soon as possible you will have our name , '' adam continued . `` call me old-fashioned , but you belong to us . we want you to be a colter . '' `` you 're over thinking this , baby . you 'll marry one of us in a legal ceremony . '' that idea had never occurred to her and yet it made perfect sense . `` hell , i like the idea that she 's finally talking about us in a permanent sense , '' ethan said . she glanced back at him to see his eyes twinkling . truth be known , she 'd surprised herself . was she a masochist to jump into another relationship on the heels of extricating herself from her first big disaster ? could n't be a mistake . she would n't allow herself to think it . adam pulled out of the parking lot and drove off down the street . a few minutes later , he pulled into the lot of a sleek-looking hair salon . holly looked over at him in surprise . `` i asked for recommendations . this place came up several times . '' she leaned over and kissed him full on the lips then quickly piled out of the land rover . `` hey , it was my idea to ask , '' ethan grumbled as he slammed the back door .

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she spun around in time to see a wave of blackness cover her . a blow slammed into the side of her head , sending her tumbling to the ground . `` jared , behind you ! '' pain exploded at the side of her head for a second time . the world disappeared briefly as blackness surrounded her . agony clawed through her brain . groaning , she tried to stand up , hearing the voices around her . why does n't she stay down ? '' another blow slammed into her , this time hitting the arm she 'd lifted defensively . shards of agony reverberated from her wrist to her elbow . she screamed in a blend of pain and fury . drawing on her primary heritage , she opened her mouth to scream again . just like that , the attackers disappeared . she staggered to her feet , moaning at the sledgehammer pounding inside her head . she stood , closed her eyes briefly against the throbbing and waited for the world to stop spinning . she opened her eyes and searched everywhere . chapter two tessa slammed the front door open , her hand to her chest , screaming , `` mom ! her mother met her in the hallway , a dishtowel in her hand . a frown marred her perfect forehead . her father came running from the direction of the office . he took one look at tessa and raced over , grabbing her arms . tessa gasped for air , tugging her injured arm away to hold it protectively against her chest . her head boomed from the inside . `` we were attacked , '' she gasped , `` by vampires . '' her parents exchanged shocked glances before turning back to stare at her . barked her father . tessa gave him a withering look . i think i know what a vampire is , dad . '' `` tessa , watch your mouth , '' her mom warned , then glared at her husband . taking a deep breath , tessa tried to calm her frustration . what was it about parents that made them ask a million questions instead of taking action ? `` now tell us what happened . from the beginning , '' her mom said . words tumbled over each other as tessa related the series of events from the time she and her friends had left the movie theater . she 'd only half-finished when her brothers walked in and she had to start all over again . `` it happened just a block from here ? '' her dad 's frown thundered across his face . `` did they know you were a vampire ? '' thinking back , tessa could n't remember the details of her actions . she thought she might have bared her fangs , but her attackers might not have noticed . she explained what had happened at the end . before she finished speaking , her mother had rushed over to check her head injury . she 'd forgotten that she 'd been hurt . her brothers ' faces darkened with fury . i 'm not the problem here . they took jared , '' tessa cried out . who 's jared ? '' her mother fussed over tessa 's head as if she 'd taken a fatal blow , which being part vampire , obviously was n't likely . brushing her mother 's hands away , tessa said , `` he 's one of the people i went to watch the movie with . '' `` i thought you went with catherine ? '' her father questioned , confusion wrinkling his face . frustrated at her family 's inability to stay on topic , she snapped , `` i did , but jared was there and billy and zack , too . '' your father did n't mean to upset you , dear . '' her mother 's gentle voice barely penetrated the noise the rest of her family made as they discussed the concept of vampires attacking humans . `` mom , i 'm upset because jared was kidnapped , '' she yelled into the melee , finally silencing her father and brothers . `` does no one understand me ? my friend 's been kidnapped . '' `` seth , contact the council . i need to meet with themnow . '' her father spun around to look her in the eye . did you recognize anyone ? '' once i regained consciousness '' `` what ? '' `` they knocked you out ? '' her father 's jaw squared and the look in his eyes promised retribution . her father was one of the oldest of the vampire clans . he did n't forgive or forget easily . `` just briefly . when i came to , everyone was gone . '' seth , being the smart-aleck brother he was , asked , `` then how do you know your friend was kidnapped ? maybe he just went home . '' shaking her head , tessa knew in her heart jared would never do that . `` i 'm sure he would n't have left me lying on the ground alone like that . he 'd have called for help at the very least . '' `` i 'm sure he would have , honey . you 've always been a good judge of character , '' her mother said .

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unlike any barbaric demon shed ever faced before . at the time , she couldnt help feeling that somehow dante was different from all the demons shed faced before . it wasnt long after that that shed fallen in love with him . joan shook her head , now was not the time for such idiotic thoughts . she turned away and got back to work wiping down the tables and polishing silverware . although , she kept her ears open and listened to the girls asking dante funny questions . joan just couldnt help it ; she eavesdropped in order to hear dantes responses to their random questions . if you could be invisible , where would you go and what would you do ? id go to hell and steal something from lucifer . dante said in a joking tone but was deadly serious . lucifer wore a pendant around his neck that contained dantes memories from before hed come to hell . why not heaven ? i can take you to heaven , big boy . heaven is overrated . dante said firmly . too many rules . too many goody two-shoes . and theres no sex or alcohol , you know . no sex and alcohol ! who would want to go there then ? one of the girls burst out , wide-eyed . if you suddenly found yourself turned into a woman , how would you spend your day ? another girl asked teasingly . dante thought about it before a haughty expression crossed his face . probably in front of a mirror , stripping my clothes off and admiring my beauty . narcissist ! one of the girls accused good-naturedly . how do you handle people you dont like ? dante thought but said instead : i crush them . well then , tough guy , whats your deepest regret ? a girl questioned . a frown settled over dantes features . i was unable to save the woman i loved . everyones eyes turned to see that joan had dropped her tray that also had a glass on it . she blushed as she bent over to pick up the shards of broken glass and place them carefully in her hand . he cant be talking about me . theres no way he can be talking about me . whats the craziest place youve ever had sex ? one girl asked , leaned over the bar and licked her lips in expectation . the back of a dragon . the girl burst out laughing . you have a very vivid imagination . that would be one hell of a bumpy ride ! the demon assured . dante said without missing a beat . joan sucked in a breath . whats the bravest thing youve ever done ? fight lu- dante began but was cut off . for me , its coming over to talk to you . the girl batted her eyelashes at dante . are you a cat or a dog person ? definitely a cat person . do my lips looks naturally plump ? a girl whod recently gotten a collagen lip injection asked dante curiously . naturally plump ? dante tilted his head at her , not understanding what she wanted to know . how about you see for yourself , big boy ? the girl leaned in and pressed her lips lightly to dantes . dantes eyes widened in surprise and he froze , not sure what to do . thats when joan appeared and pulled the girl away from dante while giving him a stern look . you cant touch or kiss the customers . its inappropriate behavior . a slight pink tinge came to dantes cheeks though he would have denied it . the girl pouted at the loss of dantes lips on hers and shot joan a glare . well , as long as you realize your mistake . joan said through gritted teeth before she stalked off to take someones order . those bimbos are getting on my nerves ! taking advantage of dantes navet ! well , nave at least when it comes to human females . women of the twenty-first century are sly , tricksters ! the rest of the day went by quickly and before joan even realized it - it was midnight . good work everyone . alan yawned widely with a hand in front of his mouth . im exhausted so im heading off to bed . the pub owner said as he headed for the stairs . ivan if youre the last one out , dont forget to lock up . ivan saluted alan . dante and joan were both getting their jackets when ivan approached them . joan , can you help me finish the dishes ? jenny used to help me do them but now ivan put his hands out in a helpless gesture and shrugged . dantes sharp , golden eyes narrowed at the german chef . i can assist you , ivan . joan gave dante a surprised look before she frowned . the waitress said as she stepped forward . its just dishes . hurry up and get your butt home , dante . wherever home is for the demon . he probably doesnt go all the way back to hell each night , right ?

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`` and nick is taking his brother-in-laws and father ice fishing . '' which translated to alone time in her apartment for them . `` you did n't want to go ice fishing ? '' `` i had something else in mind that involved far fewer clothes ... ? . '' `` now that sounds like a good idea . '' they went into teddy 's room and closed the door . although gus and nick were supposed to be otherwise occupied , erring on the side of caution struck teddy as a good thing . `` i like your town , '' jared said . i like your 'town ' too . '' `` that 's only because you have n't lived there all your life , '' he said . `` you might feel differently about good riddance if you 'd been here since kindergarten , as well . '' he could n't seriously be considering staying here . first , he was simply too new york and second , well , it was simply too unfair if he showed up just as she was leaving ... and she was leaving . `` probable , '' she said . the thought crossed her mind that it was a good thing jared had n't turned up in good riddance any earlier in her life or she might 've been sorely tempted to not leave . but she had a ticket now , and she 'd bet after another day or two good riddance 's rustic charm would wear thin and jared would be ready to hot-foot it back to manhattan . he slid his hands beneath her sweater 's hem and caressed her back . his touch , sure and warm , banished all thoughts except how good it felt and how much she wanted more . they lay down on the bed and took their time undressing one another , exploring , savoring the experience . everything about this man turned her on-the lean but defined muscles , the smattering of hair on his chest , the texture of his skin against hers , his scent , the way he smiled , one corner of his mouth quirking higher than the other , and the way he moved . his mouth captured hers and she sighed her satisfaction into their kiss . she cupped his buttocks in her hands-she loved his ass . he had the perfect man-ass-tight , taut and well-shaped . he was here for such a short time and who knew where things would be when they were both in new york ... ? . she stepped into the walk-in closet and pulled the door closed behind her . she 'd played in a production of a farce a couple of years ago in anchorage . anchorage was the only `` real '' theater in the state and that was a stretch . plus she 'd had to fly there and stay with a cast mate for the entire run . she 'd played a buxom french maid in the production and she 'd had to provide her own costume-nothing like theater on a shoestring budget . she 'd been waiting on this opportunity for a long time . if jared thought she was weird , he was leaving in two days anyway , so no worries . if he liked it , they 'd have a good time . she pulled on black hose with a garter belt , a black lace thong and a frilly white apron , leaving the rest of the costume on a hanger . slipping on a pair of black heels , she cracked the closet door . only one thing left . she stepped out of the closet and hurried over to the dresser . she quickly twisted and pinned her hair up and brushed on some red lipstick . she pinned on the frilly little cap that completed the outfit . she checked herself in the mirror-well , as much as she could see . if jared was n't turned on , she was going to look pretty stupid . and if he was ... then they 'd both reap the benefits . `` you can look now , monsieur , '' she said with the same accent she 'd used in the play . `` i am celeste . '' the name she 'd used before . `` i am here to serve you . '' he propped up on one elbow to get a better look . `` double wow . '' this had definitely been a good idea , judging from his reaction and the look in his eyes . `` what would you like , monsieur ? i will do whatever you say . '' he told her in a low , husky voice exactly what he 'd like . smiling , her heart racing in anticipation and excitement , she climbed up onto the bed and straddled him . his erection pressed against the crotch of her wet panties . he reached up and traced the edge of her nipple with his fingertip . oh , yeah was right . he pulled her to him and licked the nipple he 'd just outlined . she shuddered and grasped his shoulders . his mouth was warm and wet and just the right combination of gentle and rough as he sucked , licked and nipped her br**sts . `` oh , i like that , '' she said , careful to keep her voice in character .

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4382], ["keep", 4390], ["keepest", 4390], ["character", 4413]]

the change of position brought me deeper inside her , and i buried my face in her neck to keep from groaning out loud . i was aware of the sounds of voices all around us as people entered and left the other dressing rooms . the thought that we could get caught at any moment only made this better . her back arched with a stifled moan , and her head fell back . her tits were now enticingly close to my face , and the almost innocent way she bit her lip was driving me crazy . once again i found myself looking over her shoulder , watching us fuck in the mirror . i had never seen anything so erotic in my entire life . she pulled my hair once again , pulling my mouth back to hers , our tongues gliding against each others , matching the motion of our hips . you feel so good , '' i whispered into her mouth . `` turn around ; you need to see something . '' i pulled her off of me and turned her to face the mirror . with her back against my chest she settled on my lap again and i guided my dick back into her . `` oh god , '' she breathed out heavily as her head fell back against my shoulder , and i was unsure if it was from the feeling of my dick inside her or the image reflected in the mirror . i gripped her hair and forced her head back up , `` no , i want you to look right there , '' i growled in her ear , meeting her gaze in the mirror . `` i want you to watch me fuck you . and tomorrow when you 're sore , i want you to remember who did this to you . '' `` just shut up and fuck me , '' she answered back , her hands running up her body and behind her until they dug into my hair . `` oh , you want to play rough , little tease ? '' i taunted , grabbing her hips and pulling her harder onto me . `` and you better keep that mouth of yours quiet . you do n't want all these people to know you 're getting fucked in here right next to them , do you ? '' a quiet moan was her only response , and i found myself smirking at the fact that i had finally shut her up . her body continued to bounce up and down on my dick , causing her perfect tits to bounce right along with them . my hands roamed every inch of her body and i rained wet kisses and bites along the backs of her shoulders . in the mirror i could see my dick sliding in and out of her ; and as much as i did n't want these memories in my head , i knew that was a sight i would never forget . feeling the walls of her pussy begin to tighten , i moved one hand down to her clit . our bodies were now covered in a thin sheen of sweat , leaving her hair sticking slightly to her forehead . her gaze never left mine as our hips continued to gyrate against each other , and i knew we were both close . the voices around us continued , completely unaware as to what was going on in this tiny room . i knew from past experience that our little secret would not be kept for long when she came if i did n't do something . so as her movements became more frenzied and her hands gripped my hair tighter i reached my hand up over her mouth to stifle her scream . i stifled my own moans against her shoulder and with a few more thrusts i felt myself explode deep inside her . her body slumped against me as i leaned back against the wall , her body rising and falling with the force of my labored breathing . i knew i needed to get up and dress , but i did n't think my shaky legs could carry me . any hope i had that the sex would become less intense , and that i would get over this obsession was quickly being crushed . reason was slowly beginning to seep back into my consciousness , along with the disappointment that i had once again allowed myself to succumb to this weakness . meeting her eyes in the mirror , i swore something passed between us . did she feel the same way i did ? was this as big a mistake to her as it was to me ? and what were we going to do about it ? i lifted her off of me and quickly got redressed , trying not to meet her gaze again . the dressing room area suddenly seemed too quiet and small and i was overly aware of each breath she took . straightening my tie , i bent down to grab the torn panties on the floor , depositing them in my pocket . i went to grab the door handle and stopped . reaching out , i ran my hands slowly along the lacy fabric hanging from one of the hooks on the wall . i met her eyes finally and said . `` get the garter belt too . '' and without looking back , i walked out of the dressing room . there were eighty-three vents , twenty-nine screws , five blades , four bulbs and a whole lot of dust on the ceiling fan above my bed . i rolled onto my side , certain muscles mocking me and providing undeniable proof of why i was unable to sleep .

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2305], ["memories", 2305], ["know", 2325], ["knowest", 2325], ["knew", 2325], ["sight", 2342], ["sighted", 2342], ["forget", 2363], ["forgot", 2363], ["wall", 2383], ["walls", 2383], ["pussy", 2396], ["begin", 2402], ["tighten", 2413], ["tightens", 2413], ["tightenest", 2413], ["move", 2423], ["moved", 2423], ["hand", 2432], ["clit", 2449], ["clits", 2449], ["body", 2462], ["bodied", 2462], ["bodies", 2462], ["cover", 2479], ["covered", 2479], ["thin", 2489], ["thins", 2489], ["sheen", 2495], ["sweat", 2504], ["left", 2514], ["leave", 2514], ["leaving", 2514], ["stick", 2532], ["stickest", 2532], ["sticking", 2532], ["slightly", 2541], ["forehead", 2557], ["gyrate", 2616], ["completely", 2713], ["unaware", 2721], ["unawares", 2721], ["go", 2742], ["goest", 2742], ["going", 2742], ["tiny", 2758], ["room", 2763], ["roomed", 2763], ["past", 2782], ["experience", 2793], ["experienced", 2793], ["secret", 2816], ["keep", 2834], ["keepest", 2834], ["kept", 2834], ["long", 2843], ["longs", 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he didnt make a sound as he climbed out and crept around his big , old truck . travis scooped up samantha with an ease and delicacy that belied his compact build . it was much more of a struggle for morgan to hoist geoff from the trucks high perch . the boy stirred and his mother groaned to heft his dead weight . he groggily said . i got you , morgan answered . and the security of his mothers embrace seemed to send geoff back to a blissful state of unconsciousness . and as morgan looked down at her son , she realized she had not held him like this since the boy was fresh out of diapers . still , her mothers power to send her son off to sleep remained undiminished . at the side kitchen door , travis gently shifted samantha until she was comfortably flopped over one shoulder , his strong arm providing a secure seat . he extended his free arm for morgan to hand him geoff . she carefully transferred her son , until he was draped over travis opposite shoulder . morgan keyed the lock and held the door . lead me to the bedrooms , travis said . morgan tiptoed through her own house . first , they laid geoff down in his computer and electronics filled room . morgan spread back the sheets , then caught her son as travis dipped the boy off his sturdy shoulder . she kissed her sons forehead , then led travis down the hall to samanthas room . after similarly putting her daughter to bed , morgan slowly pulled shut the bedroom door as the two adults stepped quietly into the dimly lit hallway . morgan smiled at travis . he flashed her a thumbs up , then followed her back down the stairs . walking into the outdated , lime-green surroundings , morgan surveyed the scene as if seeing it for the first time . i guess this place could do with a bit of a makeover , morgan mused , craning her neck about the room . it could , travis neutrally agreed . so , how do we start ? morgan turned to the handyman who was , indeed , so very handy . you tell me what you want , travis said , looking his beautiful client right in the eye . his gaze had warmth and power . it was as if there were a current running between them . for a long moment , morgan could not break this connection , just as a person being electrocuted can not rip his hands from the source of the current . morgan said in a low voice that was nearly inaudible . were starting , travis answered . youre telling me what you want . and in that moment , the two strangers who were opposites in nearly every way werent talking about cabinets , countertops and wallpaper . but morgan didnt have an answer for him . and the truth was , morgan didnt know what she wanted . the silence between them swelled . yet , neither broke their electrically charged stare . i dont know , morgan whispered after a long moment . lots of people feel that way , travis answered . nothing too modern , morgan elaborated . she could have been talking about her kitchen -- or her life . something classic , she added . nothing trendy . something tried and true . something that can stand the test of time and never goes out of style . classics good , travis agreed . i can work with classic . so can i , she said . but we shouldnt rush this , travis pointed out . this is something youre going to live with every day . you should be careful and deliberate in your choice . thats only wise , morgan concurred . how bout i bring some catalogs in the morning ? bright and early , he said . sometimes , things look different in the morning . and what if they dont ? what if youre more sure than ever ? then , travis said , stepping toward morgan and taking her hand . you know youre onto something . he gave her soft , delicate hand a gentle squeeze . she could feel the understated power in his callused palms and rough-hewn fingers . and the electricity that had connected their stares now coursed and sparked throughout morgans paralyzed body . i had a great evening , travis said , giving morgans hand one more squeeze before breaking the connection . and morgan , a woman of constant motion , remained as still as a statue in his wake . chapter 14 morgan awoke the next morning to a buzzing sound that bored into her brain . but it wasnt her alarm clock . the hard-driven corporate executive who rose at 5:30 am every weekday and who was prone to logging double-digit office hours over the weekend , as well , had not set her alarm , despite the fact that it was a friday . instead , the source of the annoying sound was inside the drawer of morgans night table . the wooden echo chamber only amplified the grinding , grating sound . morgan stirred in her bed , feeling refreshed and recharged . she blindly reached a hand for the drawer pull .

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he was willing to talk to almost anyone , but he 'd learned to put up an invisible wall , at least until he was certain his family had nothing to do with the new acquaintance or was the reason a girl seemed to be interested in him . and if he had n't known for certain that ronnie knew nothing about his family , he 'd been convinced when he 'd pulled up in front of his house . a light breeze rippled through her hair , and she tried in vain to collect the strands into a loose ponytail . `` you 've been kind of quiet . '' `` i was thinking about how much i enjoyed coming over . '' `` to our little house ? it 's a bit different from what you 're used to . '' `` your house is great , '' he insisted . `` and so is your dad and jonah . even though he crushed me in liar 's poker . '' `` he always wins , but do n't ask me how . i mean , ever since he was little . i think he cheats , but i have n't figured out how . '' `` maybe you just need to lie better . '' `` oh , you mean like you telling me you work for your dad ? '' `` i do work for my dad , '' will said . `` like i told you , i did n't think it mattered . '' he stopped walking and turned to her . `` it 's interesting and it helps explain a few things about you , but if i told you that my mom worked as a paralegal at a wall street law firm , would you feel any different about me ? '' this , he knew , he could answer with complete honesty . `` because your family is rich ? a statement like that only makes sense to someone who thinks that money is all that matters . '' `` well , what did you mean ? '' she challenged , then shook her head . `` look , let 's get one thing straight . i do n't care if your dad is the sultan of brunei . you happened to be born into a privileged family . what you do with that truth is completely up to you . but if i did n't , all the money in the world would n't have changed my feelings about you . '' as she spoke , he watched her growing more animated . `` why do i get the feeling you 've given that speech before ? '' `` because i have said it before . '' `` come to new york , and you 'll understand why i 've learned to say what i mean . in some clubs , all you meet are snobs , and they 're so into who their family is or how much their family makes ... it bores me . i stand there , and all i want to say is , it 's great that others in your family have done something , but what have you done ? but i do n't , because they do n't get it . they think they 're the chosen ones . it 's not even worth getting mad about , because the whole idea is so ridiculous . but if you think i invited you over because of who your family is- '' `` i did n't , '' he said , cutting her off . `` i never thought that for a second . '' in the darkness , he knew she was considering whether he was telling the truth or simply saying what she wanted to hear . hoping to put an end to the discussion , he turned and motioned behind them , toward the workshop near the house . `` what 's that place ? '' she did n't answer right away , and he sensed she was still trying to decide whether she believed him . `` it came with the house , '' she said at last . `` my dad and jonah are making a stained-glass window this summer . '' `` your dad makes stained-glass windows ? '' `` is that what he 's always done ? '' `` like he told you at dinner , he used to teach piano . '' she paused to brush something from her feet , then changed the subject . he swallowed , resisting the temptation to kiss her again . `` i will until the end of august . i 'm going to vanderbilt in the fall . '' from one of the houses up the beach drifted the faint strains of music ; squinting into the distance , will could see a group congregated on the back deck . the song was something from the eighties , though he could n't pinpoint it . `` you do n't sound very excited . '' will took her hand and they began to stroll again . `` it 's a great school , and the campus is beautiful , '' he recited a little awkwardly . `` but you do n't want to go there ? '' ronnie seemed to intuit his every feeling and thought , which was both disconcerting and a source of relief . at least he could tell her the truth . `` i wanted to go somewhere else , and i got accepted at a school that has this incredible environmental science program , but my mom really wanted me to go to vanderbilt . '' he could feel the sand sliding between his toes as he walked . `` do you always do what your mom wants ? ''

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we 're light and have a tail wind . we 've got around six or seven minutes . we 're going to go past those patches of land , but like i said , there should be other islands in the region . get us close , coop . even if we hit the water , we 'll swim . at least i hope i can swim . '' damn , his girl was smart even when she 'd been drugged . a ridiculous pride surged in his chest . `` she 's right , coop . and lea , do n't you worry . even if you 're still weak , we 'll get you to safety . i can swim with you on my back if i have to . '' it would be rough , but if coop could get them close to land , they could survive . because they damn straight would n't last in the open ocean . this was warm water . every navy man knew the story of the uss indianapolis . she went down in the central pacific during world war ii , and three hundred were lost in the sinking . the remaining nine hundred or so went into the water . during the next four days , almost six hundred men were consumed by sharks . these were the waters below . no f**king shark was going to take his crew . they were going to live , goddamn it . first , he had to hope that coop could actually land the plane and keep it from breaking apart . even if he set down on the water , they could all survive if the crash was controlled and they got to land fast . he had six minutes . dane put a hand on alea 's shoulder . `` i 'm going to help lan . you keep coop on the right path . her face turned up , and he saw a strength there that blew him away . `` we 'll be good . get my suitcase . i 'm ridiculously organized and i pack for everything . i have a first aid kit and some other helpful things , including a box of protein bars . i was n't sure i could find them in australia . it 's the louis vuitton roller case . '' she would stave off armageddon while wearing designer heels . `` will do , baby . '' he jogged back , determined to find that bag . even if they dumped it in the ocean , if it was close enough , he could dive and find it . toward the back , he discovered that lan had made a little mountain of crap on the floor . he 'd pulled out wires , blankets , a small tool kit . he 'd filled a backpack with extra water bottles and found enough odds and ends to build a desalinization port if they ran out of water . the wire they could fashion into hooks and weapons . the sea would provide protein if they had the tools to get it . he knew enough about plants and herbs to know what to eat and what to avoid . they had the tools . they just needed the chance to survive . he walked through the curtain and toward the back . lan had decimated the food station . he 'd taken everything except the ceramic mugs . ceramic made great knives . they all had a few , but it never hurt to bring more . and he 'd left a pot . they would need that . the heavy plastic of the useless life raft would mean nothing if they did n't have a damn container . potable water would be their first goal . the bottled stuff would n't last . lan walked through , carrying the luggage . he had all of their cases , including alea 's louis vuitton bag . `` i shoved some extra blankets and pillows into those . '' did you find the flare guns ? '' `` i wrapped them in plastic . they should be safe from the water . '' the plane dipped , now at a steeper angle , nearly sending him careening forward . closer to the ocean . the phantom of the indianapolis played through his head . he could n't let his men die . god , he could n't let alea die . `` no matches , '' lan said , bracing himself against the wall . the plane lurched again , the sensation causing dane 's stomach to roll . faster and faster , they were going down . `` suit up , '' dane barked . if coop set them down flat , keeping the nose up , they would float for a brief time . they could get the door open and get to land . dane could feel the force of the descent pulling them down , threatening to tear the plane apart . the whole aircraft shuddered . but coop managed to bring the nose up again as he and lan gathered all the stuff and shoved them into whatever packs and suitcases they could find . `` get ready , '' dane shouted . he grabbed the nearest backpack . all military guys carried them , big , weighty duffels with arm holes . he tossed one to lan . `` i 'm going to try to pry the door open .

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luce forced a smile as she closed the door . she could feel someone right behind her . the warmth that made her sway where she stood . his voice was icy , not with anger but with fear . she looked up at him , reaching for his hands , but he had turned the other way . `` cam , '' he called . `` get your bow . '' across the room , cam 's head shot up . a whizzing sound outside the house silenced him . he moved away from the window and reached inside his blazer . luce saw the ash of silver , and she remembered : the arrows he 'd collected from the outcast girl . `` tell the others , '' daniel said before turning to face luce . his lips parted and the desperate look on his face made her think that he might kiss her , but all he did was say , `` do you have a storm cellar ? '' `` tell me what 's happening , '' luce said . she could hear water running in the kitchen , arriane and gabbe singing harmony on `` heart and soul '' with callie while they did the dishes . she could see molly 's and roland 's skittish expressions as they cleared the table . and suddenly , luce knew that this thanksgiving dinner was all an act . only , she did n't know for what . miles appeared at luce 's side . `` nothing you need to be concerned with , '' cam said . not rudely , just stating the facts . molly put down her stack of dishes . it was daniel who answered , speaking to molly as if they were suddenly on the same side . and nd shields . they 'll be armed . '' `` the outcasts ? '' daniel 's eyes landed on her and his face fell . `` they should n't have found us tonight . we knew there was a chance , but i really did n't want to bring this here . i 'm sorry -- '' `` daniel . '' cam interrupted him . `` all that matters now is ghting back . '' a heavy knocking thudded through the house . cam and daniel moved instinctively toward the front door , but luce shook her head . `` back door , '' she whispered . they all stood for a moment and listened to the creak of the back door opening . then came a long and piercing scream . luce took o running through the living room , shuddering to imagine what scene her best friend was facing . if luce had known the outcasts would show up , she would not have let callie come . she would never have come home at all . if anything bad happened , luce would never forgive herself . swinging through her parents ' kitchen door , luce saw callie , shielded behind gabbe 's narrow frame . she was safe , at least for now . luce exhaled , almost collapsing backward into the wall of muscle that daniel , cam , miles , and roland had formed behind her . arriane stood in the whitewashed doorway , a giant butcher block raised high in her hands . she looked ready to bash someone luce could n't quite see yet . a guy 's voice , sti with formality . when arriane lowered the butcher 's block , there in the doorway stood a tall , lean boy in a brown trench coat . he was very pale , with a narrow face and a strong nose . cropped bleached-blond hair . blank white eyes . but luce had seen him somewhere else before . and what happened to your eyes ? they 're all -- '' daniel turned on shelby . `` you know this outcast ? '' `` outcast ? '' shelby 's voice quaked . `` he 's not a -- he 's my sorry-ass ex -- he 's -- '' `` he 's been using you , '' roland said , as if he knew something the rest of them did n't . should have recognized him for what he was . '' `` but you did n't , '' the outcast said , his voice eerily calm . he reached inside his trench coat and , from an inner pocket , pulled out a silver bow . from his other pocket came a silver arrow , which he swiftly nocked . he pointed it at roland , then swept across the crowd , aiming at each of them in turn . `` please forgive my barging in . i 've come to fetch lucinda . '' daniel stepped toward the outcast . `` you 'll fetch no one and nothing , '' he said , `` except a swift death unless you leave right now . '' `` sorry , no , ca n't do that , '' the boy responded , his muscled arms still holding the silver arrow taut . `` we 've had time to prepare for this night of blessed restitution . we will not leave empty-handed . '' `` how could you , phil ? '' shelby whimpered , turning to luce . honestly , luce , i did n't .

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it is pretty awesome that will 's so out , though . he like came out to everyone in the entire world . i swear to god i think he wrote the president of the united states and was like , 'dear mr. president , i am gay . yours truly , will grayson. ' it 's f**king beautiful , grayson . '' `` jane and her boyfriend ate your brain , '' he answers disinterestedly . `` i swear , tiny , sometimes ... '' i stop myself from saying something pathetic and start over . `` do you want to do something after school tomorrow ? darts or something at your house ? '' `` rehearsal then rewrites then will on the phone then bed . you can sit in on rehearsal if you want . '' after i hang up , i try to read hamlet for a while , but i do n't understand it that well , and i have to keep looking over to the right margin where they define the words , and it just makes me feel like an idiot . not that nice . not that funny . that 's me : i 'm not that . i 'm lying on top of the covers with my clothes still on , the play still on my chest , eyes closed , mind racing . i 'm thinking about tiny . the pathetic thing i wanted to say to him on the phone-but didn't-was this : when you 're a little kid , you have something . maybe it 's a blanket or a stuffed animal or whatever . for me , it was this stuffed prairie dog that i got one christmas when i was like three . i do n't even know where they found a stuffed prairie dog , but whatever , it sat up on its hind legs and i called him marvin , and i dragged marvin around by his prairie dog ears until i was about ten . and then at some point , it was nothing personal against marvin , but he started spending more time in the closet with my other toys , and then more time , until finally marvin became a full-time resident of the closet . but for many years afterward , sometimes i would get marvin out of the closet and just hang out with him for a while-not for me , but for marvin . i realized it was crazy , but i still did it . and the thing i wanted to say to tiny is that sometimes , i feel like his marvin . i remember us together : tiny and me in gym in middle school , how the athletic wear company did n't make gym shorts big enough to fit him , so he looked like he was wearing a skintight bathing suit . tiny dominating at dodgeball despite his width , and always letting me finish second just by virtue of putting me in his shadow and not spiking me until the end . tiny and me at the g*y pride parade in boys town , ninth grade , him saying , `` grayson , i 'm gay , '' and me being like , `` oh , really ? does the sun rise in the east ? is the pope catholic ? '' and him being like , `` is tiny cooper fabulous ? do birds weep from the beauty when they hear tiny cooper sing ? '' i think about how much depends upon a best friend . when you wake up in the morning you swing your legs out of bed and you put your feet on the ground and you stand up . you do n't scoot to the edge of the bed and look down to make sure the floor is there . the floor is always there . until it 's not . it 's stupid to blame the other will grayson for something that was happening before the other will grayson existed . and yet i keep thinking about him , and thinking about his eyes unblinking in frenchy 's , waiting for someone who did n't exist . in my memory , his eyes get bigger and bigger , almost like he 's a manga character . and then i 'm thinking about that guy , isaac , who was a girl . but the things that were said that made will go to frenchy 's to meet that guy-those things were said . all at once i grab my phone from off my bedside table and call jane . i look at the clock on the phone : it 's 9:42 . i call gary . he picks up on the fifth ring . do you know jane 's address ? '' `` are you going all stalker on me , will ? '' `` no , i swear , i have a question about science , '' i say . `` you have a tuesday night at nine forty-two question about science ? '' `` seventeen twelve wesley . '' `` and where is her bedroom ? '' `` i have to tell you , man , that my stalker meter is kind of registering in the red zone right now . '' i say nothing , waiting . and then finally he says , `` if you 're facing the house , it 's front and left . '' `` awesome , thanks . ''

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`` the more you fight , the faster your blood rushes through your veins . you flush . he traced his teeth where his tongue had been . then he ran a fingertip , which seemed to have sprouted a claw , from my jaw to my collarbone and with a downward slice , cut my shirt wide open . my bra lay in two identical halves , my breasts spilling upward like a sacrifice . there was n't a scratch on me . his breath warmed my icy skin . he brushed his lips just above my heart , gently , almost reverently , and then he whispered , `` claire , '' in a voice so broken my heart seemed to thump once and then stop . he pressed his cheek to my skin . `` i want to do such terrible things . '' he 'd released my wrist to wrap his arms around my waist , and i could n't help but run my hand over his hair . he shoved me away , skittered into the shadowy corner of the cage . i glanced at the doorway as a shadow slid toward the moon . `` i 'm trapped , '' i said . his voice wavered between man and beast . i 'll kill you , claire . i 'll drink your blood as your life fades . i 'd rather be dead , but i wo n't be able to stop myself . '' `` that wo n't be you . '' i swallowed , pushing aside the images his words conjured . i wo n't hate you . '' i 'd be dead , but that was beside the point . for whatever reason he 'd done what he 'd done , he 'd healed me . he 'd given me back myself . what i 'd begun to feel for him over the past few days had been more than i 'd ever felt for anyone . if i was going to die soon , i wanted him to know the truth . `` i love you , mal . '' his voice sounded more human than animal . `` i love you ; i know you love me . '' i `` i - `` he broke off , shoving a misshapen hand through his seemingly longer hair . `` you were willing to curse yourself to an eternity as a monster , and all of your people , too , for me . '' `` i could n't - i ca n't - `` he moaned , a growl of pain from his soul . `` focus on me , not the moon , not that thing whispering inside of you . '' `` claire , '' he snarled . `` you have to stay away . '' i suddenly knew with a clarity i 'd never felt before what i had to do to save him and therefore myself . `` i have to be near you . '' `` the smell of your blood makes me want you . '' i let my fingers trail over his hand . there was fur there ; his nails had lengthened even more . `` love is stronger than hate . hate made you like this . she did n't love you . '' `` i could n't love her . i could n't love anyone . she said i was n't capable of it , and that made me a beast . '' `` you love me ; that makes you a man . '' i hoped i was right , that he did love me . that love would be enough to fight what hate had done to him . in that instant , the earth moved between the sun and the moon , and the warehouse went eerily red , like a wash of blood across the sky . malachi jerked out of my grasp ; a horrific howl split the night , so close , so loud , my ears rebelled . then the shriek of rending cloth seemed to sizzle along my nerve endings . it took everything i had not to cower in a corner as far away from what mal might become as i could get . if he was going to kill me , he could do it over there as easily as he could do it right here . i could n't escape , and in truth , i did n't want to . i would not let that witch win . murmuring his name , i reached out to cup his still-changing face . he growled , but at least he did n't bite me , then slowly i leaned forward , and i kissed him . his skin felt as if snakes were writhing beneath my fingertips . at the touch of my mouth against his , everything stilled , and i knew that what i was doing was right . i lifted my lips and whispered , `` kiss me back . '' i waited , hoping , praying , near to begging , and at last , when he pressed his lips to mine with the fervor i craved , his mouth had re-formed into that of a man . i kissed him , held him , murmured to him as the earth shadowed the moon . thankfully this eclipse would be one of the shortest ever recorded - in the vicinity of twenty minutes . if it had been one of the longer ones - where the moon could be hidden for hours - i do n't know what i would have done , except died .

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we needed to go speak to them before we escaped to the beach . `` let 's go say hello first , '' i replied , looking up at jason to see if he was okay with this . `` yeah , let 's get the big brother thing over with . that way i can be less nervous . '' the amused tone in his voice did n't take away the serious expression in his eyes . marcus was pretty good about letting me date as long as he approved . he did n't breathe down guys ' necks or embarrass me . `` he will be nice . `` i do n't know that i 'd believe her . your last name is stone , '' jax drawled . you know he has moved on from that . he 's infatuated with willow , '' sadie replied . once upon a time marcus had been crazy about sadie . that was how i knew her . but jax stone had been the only guy ever to win sadie 's heart . marcus never even stood a chance . when willow had come into his life , i 'd been so happy for him . she was just as gorgeous on the inside as she was on the outside . they 'd had a major hurdle to get over thanks to our father and willow 's sister , but they 'd loved each other enough . i wanted that one day too . `` i 'll just be happy when he 's married . maybe with a kid or two , '' jax replied . the crooked smile on his face assured everyone he was kidding . well , maybe a little bit of that was true . jax was incredibly possessive of sadie . he did n't like any guy getting too close . marcus had gotten too close once . sadie laughed and kissed his cheek . thanks to the stiletto heels she was wearing , she did n't have to stand on her tippy toes . `` i 'm moving away with you tomorrow . jax raised an eyebrow at her question . `` you really want me to answer that with an audience ? '' sadie blushed and ducked her head , causing jax to chuckle . `` let 's go see marcus . these two are only going to get more disgustingly sweet the longer we stand here , '' jason said , leading me past sadie and his brother . marcus and low were standing under the white lights that trisha and i had strung together earlier and wrapped around several of the paper lanterns in the center of the main room . the smile on marcus 's face made me tear up . i loved seeing him this happy . i loved that he 'd found low . if anyone deserved a happily ever after , it was my bighearted older brother . `` you 're sure he is n't going to take a swing at me ? '' jason asked with his mouth very close to my ear . as if he could hear the whispering , marcus lifted his eyes to meet mine . the smile on his face froze as he shifted his gaze from me to jason , but only for a moment . the sincerely happy expression returned as he made eye contact with jason . apparently , he approved . `` was n't expecting you to show up with a date , '' marcus said as we stopped in front of him and low . `` it was a last-minute thing . jason saved me from coming here alone , '' i explained . `` or your sister agreed to go out with me , and i took the opportunity and ran with it , '' jason replied . marcus smirked and nodded . `` i just might like you . '' low held her hand out to jason . `` i 'm willow , and it is very nice to meet you . if you are lucky enough to get amanda on a date , then you must be a great guy . '' jason shook low 's hand , then glanced over at me with a smile . `` i 've been working on getting up the nerve to ask for a while now . tonight was my lucky break . '' he 'd been interested in me for a while ? he was jason stone . he was splashed all over the news , and gossip magazines loved him . `` well , we are glad you 're here , '' willow assured him . marcus asked , taking a step forward , his attention directed outside . `` shit , '' rock growled , running by us and toward the doors leading out to the pool . marcus took off after him . then i saw dewayne standing between preston , who was leaned up against the bar with an amused grin on his face , and some guy who was yelling at preston and pointing at him over dewayne 's shoulder . i started to follow marcus . was preston starting a fight ? and why the heck did i care so much ? `` wait , do n't go out there , amanda , '' low called out as i started after my brother . i wanted to run outside and ignore her , but i was leaving jason behind too .

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reaching over to my discarded files , he plucked a post it note off and placed it on the camera lens set into the ceiling . a shiver of anticipation shot through me , battling with my constant urge to stop this ... this thing between us . i had never been so torn before . i did n't want this with him , but every nerve inside me was screaming for his touch . there was absolutely no denying how he made me feel . he returned to me , his lips once again taking possession of mine , and an involuntary groan rumbled in my throat as his hardened cock pressed against my stomach . my body began acting on instinct and my leg wrapped around his , pressing me closer against his arousal , my hands finding their way to his hair . after a moment of ravaging each other 's mouths , he pulled away and his fingers nimbly flicked the clasp at my waist , my dress flowing apart in front of him . `` very , very bad move , '' he seethed through his teeth . placing his hands on my shoulders , he looked into my eyes and slid the fabric to the floor . his hands took mine , turning me around , bringing them up and pressing my palms against the wall . there i stood with my back to him , in nothing but my under garments , and as he ground into me i felt the traitorous moisture pooling in my panties . reaching up , he removed the silver comb from my hair letting it fall down my naked back . he fisted it in his hands and roughly pulled my head to the side , giving him access to my neck . hot , wet kisses rained down my spine and across my shoulders . his touch left a spark of electricity all the way down my back , over every inch of skin he touched . i felt his hands grab my ass and squeeze , his breath hot and heaving in my ear . `` very naughty girl . '' i yelped out in surprise as i felt his hand come hard against my ass , and my only response was a moan of pleasure . what the fuck was he doing to me ? i would never do these things . yet here i was , panting heavily at his rough touch . i breathed in another sharp gasp as his hands clasped the scant material on my ass and yet again , ripped it off . `` expect another bill , asshole . '' he chuckled darkly at my breathy growl , and i heard him draw in a slow breath through his nose as his body pressed up against mine again , the cool wall against my breasts sending shivers through my body . `` worth every penny . `` . shit , there goes another delicious shiver . his hand slid around my waist and down my abdomen , slipping lower until his finger rest on my clit . `` you know , ms. mills , i think you wore those just to tease me . '' the pressure from his touch caused me to ache , his fingers pressing and releasing , leaving me wanting . the need inside me was building , desperately needing him to move . `` you like to fuck with me , do n't you ? you little cocktease . '' moving his hand lower , his fingers stopped right at my entrance , the heel of his hand now moving slowly against my swollen clit . his long fingers circled around my entrance , taunting me , each movement sending a moan through me . `` oh , you want me to fuck you do n't you ? my cock slamming in and out of you , making you come all over me . you want that do n't you , you little tease ? '' i moaned as his finger finally entered me , pressing me back into him . `` say it , ms. mills . say it and i 'll give you what you want . '' a second finger joined the first , and the sensation caused me to cry out . i shook my head , but my body seemed to betray me . i closed my eyes , trying to clear my thoughts , but everything was just too much . the feel of his clothed body against my naked skin , the sound of his rough voice , and the feeling of his long fingers plunging in and out of me had me teetering on the edge . his other hand reached up , firmly pinching my nipple through the sheer fabric of my bra , and i moaned loudly . he grunted into my ear as his thumb rolled over my clit . i groaned finally . he let out a low , strangled moan and his forehead rest on my shoulder . his fingers began moving faster , plunging and circling , and he was fucking me with his hand . his hips ground against my ass , his hard cock rubbing against me . `` oh god , '' i moaned , the coil tightening deep inside me , my every thought focused on the pleasure begging to break free . the rhythmic sounds of our panting and groans were suddenly silenced by the shrill ringing of a phone . we stilled as the realization of where we were entered our consciousness . i heard a curse escape his mouth and he moved away from me . panting , i turned to find him reaching for the phone inside the control panel .

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baldulf 's tone was rather disrespectful , not at all the proper manner for a knight to take with his new lord , but hugh felt it behooved him to let the matter slide for the time being . he even allowed the man to glare at him for several moments before straightening and glaring back . recalled to their positions , baldulf let his eyes drop and glanced toward the cottage before clearing his throat and saying in much milder tones , `` you appear to be soaked through , my lord . have you been out here long ? '' `` since yester morn . '' `` if , as you claim , there has been no attack , might i ask why you have stood guard out here so long ? '' that was something hugh had asked himself several times through the long rainy day and night . `` i am attempting to persuade lady willa to marry me . '' baldulf nodded , then asked in extremely respectful tones , `` by sitting outside the cottage on your horse ? '' `` i am guarding her to show her my devotion , '' hugh said stiffly . he felt foolish even saying the words . seeing amusement fill the other man 's face , he added , `` 't was not my idea . my cousin and a friend of mine thought it might soften willa 's anger if i vowed to stand guard over her beauty until she accepted my - are you laughing ? '' baldulf covered his mouth with his hand and made coughing sounds , then thumped his chest as he shook his head . i have a ... er ... something caught in my throat . '' he turned his head away , alternately coughing and snuffling . hugh harrumphed irritably and waited for the fit to pass . the moment the man regained control of himself and turned a solemn face back , he speared him with a glance . `` knowing her as well as you do , perhaps you could suggest a more useful approach ? '' humor promptly returned to the soldier 's face , deepening the lines that time had etched on his harsh features . hugh noticed that it was n't very sympathetic amusement . `` well now , that would be difficult to say , my lord . she is not like most ladies . '' his gaze shifted past hugh , his voice becoming distracted . `` you might try gifts . little trinkets and such . my wife always enjoyed those . by your leave , my lord . '' much to hugh 's amazement , baldulf urged his mount forward and was away around the side of the cottage without awaiting the leave he 'd requested . hugh glared after him in frustration , wondering if perhaps he did not have a commanding enough demeanor . first , the hag treated him as though she were the queen and he a common peasant . now , one of his own new soldiers rode off ere he 'd finished talking to him . he 'd had several questions for the man besides how to please willa . hugh had spent a good hour that first night after wynekyn had explained things questioning the former guard , howel . unfortunately , the man who now served as seneschal at hillcrest appeared to know no more than wynekyn himself . regarding some things , he knew even less . it was doubtful that baldulf would know any more than howel , but still - he was still glaring at the spot where man and horse had disappeared when he heard lucan and jollivet approaching . their words and laughter were audible several minutes before they actually broke into the clearing . they were obviously making no effort at stealth as they rode through the woods . ignoring his stiff and sore bones , hugh slicked back his still damp hair and sat up straight in the saddle . grim-faced , he awaited their arrival . at that moment , he was torn between wanting to take his sword to the pair , and wanting to take his lance to them . then again , taking his fists to them sounded attractive , too . they were , after all , the source of the misery he 'd withstood all night and was still suffering . `` good morn ! '' lucan called as he broke from the trees on horseback . he looked well-rested and damned cheerful , hugh thought with disgust as his friend rode toward him . when he growled something in the way of a greeting , lucan raised an eyebrow and quickly unfastened a bag from his saddle pommel . `` we brought you something with which to break your fast . '' he offered the bag with a winning smile . hugh 's response was to grunt and snatch the bag like a hungry dog snapping up a bone . even as he began to tug the bag open , he caught the glance his friend exchanged with jollivet , who had urged his own horse to hugh 's other side . the two men flanked him . `` actually , we did not expect you to still be here . jollivet made the announcement as if that fact might have slipped hugh 's notice . fortunately for his cousin , hugh was too hungry to waste time knocking the idiot off his horse as instinct urged him to do .

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