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Saibo-creator
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bookcorpus_compact_1024_test

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text stringlengths 3.57k 5.54k	concept_with_offset stringlengths 3.48k 11.1k
her gaze flickered from his , and she glanced around his shoulder again . heather , get down off the railing . its almost your turn . eric shifted to keep an eye on reese and continued the conversation . i like that you took the time to teach them at each he broke off when reese reached up to tickle heather , whod leaned over the top of the fence to see the giraffes better . heather wobbled precariously before tipping the wrong direction with a terrified shriek . his heart about stopped beating at the same time he heard marissa gasp in panic beside him . he didnt remember pushing past the other people on the platform to cross the distance between them and the fence , all he knew was he caught the little girl at the last second before she plunged head first onto the concrete twelve feet below . he clutched her tight against his thundering chest . sobs shook her slim little body while her hold on his neck choked hard . i got you sweetheart . youre okay , he soothed . concerned voices began to bleed back into his consciousness . i want my mommy , heather cried into erics t-shirt . he turned to find marissa at his side . she dragged her daughter from his arms to crush her close . tears ran unchecked down both their faces . i was so scared , mommy . so was i , honey , so was i . marissas voice shook worse than the hand she stroked over her daughters hair . reese stood off to the side , looking pretty frightened herself . eric scooped her up and hugged her close . just the thought of his daughter facing such danger chilled him to the bone . marissas radiant blue gaze met his over heathers shoulder . reese burst into tears and burrowed against his neck . eric frowned and tried to see her face . after a few more moments of crying , reese calmed down enough to mumble , its my fault . then she lifted her head to look at heather , who peered shyly from under marissas chin . im sorry i tickled you , heather . oh , honey , no one blames you , marissa exclaimed . she stepped closer and rubbed reeses back . reese wiped her eyes before drying her hand on erics t-shirt . she sniffed and laid her head on his shoulder while peering at her friend . heathers tremulous smile melted erics heart as much as his daughters obvious remorse . im not mad , heather said . so we can still be best friends ? reese asked in a tiny , hopeful voice . ill never tickle you ever again , reese promised , solemnly . and no one climbs up on the railings again , either , marissa added , her tone firm . moments later , they wiggled for freedom . eric exchanged a relieved smile with marissa before they both set their daughters down . heather headed straight for the fence , prompting marissa and eric to both make mad grabs for her shoulders . marissa caught her , but not before eric noticed a tight grimace of pain cross her face with her shift in stance . i lost my crackers . heather sniffed , peering down over the edge at the scattered crumbs on the concrete . reese held both crackers out to her friend . heather grinned but only took one . they promptly got back in line and waited their turn to feed the giraffes . expelling a breath to release the tension in his shoulders , eric shook his head in disbelief . to be the child and not the parent ; sure shed just had a near-miss , but heaven forbid she miss her chance to feed lucy . while marissa spoke to a couple of the parents and one of the platform attendants who wanted to make sure everything was all right , eric bought more crackers and divided them evenly between the two girls before returning to her side . he felt theyd bonded somehow , and leaned against the railing while she snapped pictures of the girls feeding the giraffes . excited smiles lit up their faces when the huge animals took the crackers from their small hands . can you believe those two ? eric asked after shed snapped a few photographs . i know , marissa agreed . like nothing even happened , while im still recovering from my heart attack . emotion clogged her voice . she held out a still-trembling hand to show him the lingering after-effects of the scare . eric reached to take hold of of her fingers and squeezed gently with reassurance , knowing exactly how she felt . as he rubbed his thumb back and forth across her knuckles , fresh tears brightened her eyes and an overwhelming urge to gather her close for a comforting hug surprised him . i dont even know how to thank you , she said . it could just as easily have been reese . all that matters is that heathers safe . the girls rushed back to their side of the platform . eric reluctantly released marissas hand as heather asked , did you see me , mom ? lucy licked me !	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["beating", 499], ["hear", 525], ["hears", 525], ["heard", 525], ["marissa", 533], ["gasp", 538], ["gasps", 538], ["panic", 547], ["beside", 554], ["remember", 578], ["rememberest", 578], ["push", 586], ["pushing", 586], ["past", 591], ["people", 608], ["platform", 624], ["cross", 633], ["crossing", 633], ["distance", 646], ["distancing", 646], ["know", 687], ["knowest", 687], ["knew", 687], ["catch", 701], ["catches", 701], ["catched", 701], ["caught", 701], ["little", 712], ["girl", 717], ["last", 729], ["second", 736], ["seconded", 736], ["plunge", 755], ["plunged", 755], ["head", 760], ["first", 766], ["firstest", 766], ["onto", 771], ["ontos", 771], ["concrete", 784], ["twelve", 791], ["twelves", 791], ["foot", 796], ["feet", 796], ["clutch", 816], ["clutched", 816], ["tight", 826], ["thunder", 849], ["thundering", 849], ["chest", 855], ["shake", 868], ["shook", 868], ["slim", 877], ["body", 889], ["bodied", 889], ["hold", 904], ["neck", 916], ["necked", 916], ["choke", 923], ["choked", 923], ["hard", 928], ["get", 936], ["got", 936], ["sweetheart", 951], ["okay", 964], ["soothe", 977], ["soothes", 977], ["soothed", 977], ["voice", 996], ["voices", 996], ["begin", 1002], ["began", 1002], ["bleed", 1011], ["back", 1016], ["consciousness", 1039], ["mommy", 1057], ["cry", 1073], ["cried", 1073], ["shirt", 1092], ["turn", 1104], ["turned", 1104], ["find", 1112], ["side", 1132], ["sidest", 1132], ["drag", 1146], ["dragged", 1146], ["daughter", 1159], ["arm", 1173], ["arms", 1173], ["crush", 1182], ["crushest", 1182], ["close", 1192], ["tear", 1200], ["teared", 1200], ["tears", 1200], ["run", 1204], ["ran", 1204], ["unchecked", 1214], ["face", 1236], ["faces", 1236], ["honey", 1281], ["honeys", 1281], ["voice", 1309], ["bad", 1321], ["worse", 1321], ["hand", 1335], ["stroke", 1347], ["stroked", 1347], ["daughter", 1366], ["daughters", 1366], ["hair", 1371], ["stood", 1385], ["stand", 1385], ["standest", 1385], ["look", 1411], ["looking", 1411], ["pretty", 1418], ["prettiest", 1418], ["frighten", 1429], ["frightened", 1429], ["scoop", 1452], ["scooped", 1452], ["hug", 1470], ["hugged", 1470], ["thought", 1499], ["face", 1522], ["facing", 1522], ["danger", 1534], ["chill", 1542], ["chills", 1542], ["chilling", 1542], ["chilled", 1542], ["bone", 1558], ["bonest", 1558], ["radiant", 1577], ["blue", 1582], ["meet", 1591], ["meeted", 1591], ["met", 1591], ["heather", 1609], ["heathers", 1609], ["burst", 1632], ["bursted", 1632], ["burrow", 1656], ["burrowing", 1656], ["burrowed", 1656], ["frown", 1688], ["frowns", 1688], ["frowned", 1688], ["try", 1698], ["tryed", 1698], ["tried", 1698], ["face", 1714], ["moment", 1741], ["moments", 1741], ["calm", 1766], ["calms", 1766], ["calmed", 1766], ["enough", 1778], ["mumble", 1788], ["mumbles", 1788], ["fault", 1803], ["faulting", 1803], ["lift", 1821], ["lifted", 1821], ["look", 1838], ["peer", 1862], ["peered", 1862], ["shyly", 1868], ["chin", 1893], ["sorry", 1904], ["tickle", 1914], ["tickling", 1914], ["tickled", 1914], ["oh", 1933], ["blame", 1957], ["blamest", 1957], ["blames", 1957], ["step", 1995], ["stepped", 1995], ["close", 2002], ["closer", 2002], ["rub", 2013], ["rubbed", 2013], ["reese", 2020], ["reeses", 2020], ["wipe", 2039], ["wiped", 2039], ["eye", 2048], ["eyed", 2048], ["eyes", 2048], ["dry", 2062], ["drier", 2062], ["drying", 2062], ["sniff", 2102], ["sniffed", 2102], ["lay", 2111], ["lays", 2111], ["layed", 2111], ["layest", 2111], ["laid", 2111], ["peer", 2150], ["peering", 2150], ["friend", 2164], ["tremulous", 2185], ["smile", 2191], ["melt", 2198], ["meltest", 2198], ["melted", 2198], ["eric", 2204], ["erics", 2204], ["much", 2218], ["obvious", 2243], ["remorse", 2251], ["mad", 2264], ["mads", 2264], ["say", 2279], ["sayest", 2279], ["said", 2279], ["still", 2297], ["good", 2305], ["best", 2305], ["friend", 2313], ["friends", 2313], ["ask", 2327], ["asked", 2327], ["tiny", 2337], ["hopeful", 2347], ["ill", 2359], ["ills", 2359], ["illest", 2359], ["never", 2365], ["ever", 2381], ["everest", 2381], ["promise", 2404], ["promised", 2404], ["solemnly", 2415], ["climb", 2435], ["climbs", 2435], ["railing", 2454], ["railings", 2454], ["either", 2469], ["add", 2485], ["added", 2485], ["tone", 2496], ["toned", 2496], ["toning", 2496], ["firm", 2501], ["later", 2517], ["wiggle", 2532], ["wiggled", 2532], ["freedom", 2544], ["exchange", 2561], ["exchanged", 2561], ["set", 2612], ["head", 2650], ["headed", 2650], ["straight", 2659], ["prompt", 2685], ["prompting", 2685], ["grab", 2725], ["shoulder", 2743], ["shouldered", 2743], ["shoulders", 2743], ["notice", 2794], ["noticed", 2794], ["grimace", 2810], ["grimacing", 2810], ["pain", 2818], ["shift", 2848], ["stance", 2858], ["lose", 2867], ["lost", 2867], ["cracker", 2879], ["crackers", 2879], ["edge", 2926], ["edges", 2926], ["scatter", 2943], ["scattered", 2943], ["crumb", 2950], ["crumbed", 2950], ["crumbest", 2950], ["crumbs", 2950], ["hold", 2979], ["held", 2979], ["grin", 3029], ["grinned", 3029], ["promptly", 3063], ["line", 3080], ["wait", 3091], ["waitest", 3091], ["waited", 3091], ["fed", 3110], ["feed", 3110], ["expel", 3135], ["expelling", 3135], ["breath", 3144], ["breathest", 3144], ["release", 3155], ["tension", 3167], ["disbelief", 3219], ["disbeliefs", 3219], ["child", 3237], ["childs", 3237], ["parent", 3256], ["sure", 3263], ["shed", 3268], ["near", 3284], ["miss", 3289], ["heaven", 3302], ["heavens", 3302], ["forbid", 3309], ["forbade", 3309], ["chance", 3329], ["chanced", 3329], ["chancing", 3329], ["lucy", 3342], ["speak", 3364], ["spoken", 3364], ["spoke", 3364], ["couple", 3376], ["parent", 3391], ["parents", 3391], ["attendant", 3426], ["attendants", 3426], ["everything", 3461], ["right", 3475], ["rightest", 3475], ["buy", 3489], ["buyed", 3489], ["bought", 3489], ["divide", 3515], ["divided", 3515], ["evenly", 3527], ["two", 3543], ["twos", 3543], ["girl", 3549], ["girls", 3549], ["return", 3566], ["returnest", 3566], ["returning", 3566], ["feel", 3588], ["felt", 3588], ["bond", 3601], ["bonded", 3601], ["somehow", 3609], ["snap", 3660], ["snapping", 3660], ["snapped", 3660], ["picture", 3669], ["pictures", 3669], ["fed", 3690], ["feed", 3690], ["feeding", 3690], ["smile", 3720], ["smiles", 3720], ["lit", 3724], ["light", 3724], ["animal", 3761], ["animals", 3761], ["small", 3796], ["hand", 3802], ["hands", 3802], ["believe", 3820], ["photograph", 3880], ["photographs", 3880], ["know", 3889], ["knowest", 3889], ["agree", 3906], ["agreed", 3906], ["nothing", 3921], ["even", 3926], ["evens", 3926], ["happen", 3935], ["happened", 3935], ["recover", 3963], ["recovering", 3963], ["attack", 3984], ["emotion", 3994], ["clog", 4002], ["clogs", 4002], ["clogged", 4002], ["tremble", 4045], ["trembles", 4045], ["show", 4058], ["linger", 4076], ["lingered", 4076], ["lingering", 4076], ["effect", 4090], ["effects", 4090], ["scare", 4103], ["scared", 4103], ["take", 4126], ["finger", 4149], ["fingers", 4149], ["squeeze", 4162], ["squeezes", 4162], ["squeezed", 4162], ["gently", 4169], ["reassurance", 4186], ["know", 4196], ["knowest", 4196], ["knowing", 4196], ["exactly", 4204], ["thumb", 4242], ["thumbed", 4242], ["forth", 4257], ["across", 4264], ["knuckle", 4277], ["knuckles", 4277], ["knuckling", 4277], ["fresh", 4285], ["freshest", 4285], ["brighten", 4302], ["brightens", 4302], ["brightened", 4302], ["overwhelming", 4331], ["urge", 4336], ["gather", 4346], ["gatherest", 4346], ["comfort", 4373], ["comforting", 4373], ["hug", 4377], ["surprise", 4387], ["surprised", 4387], ["thank", 4423], ["thanks", 4423], ["thankest", 4423], ["easily", 4464], ["matter", 4499], ["mattering", 4499], ["matters", 4499], ["safe", 4521], ["safes", 4521], ["safed", 4521], ["rush", 4540], ["rushed", 4540], ["reluctantly", 4594], ["release", 4603], ["released", 4603], ["mom", 4657], ["moms", 4657], ["lick", 4671], ["licked", 4671]]
she screamed and jumped up , hitting the warden in its chest . it swiped at her , but its blades had not yet finished growing back . it missed and jerked back . the warden teetered . hope threw her weight up and back , grabbing its head to throw it off balance . the slight shift worked . the warden fell backward , the back of its knees catching on the ledge . its arms spun in the air as it tried to regain its balance . there was nothing to hold on to and it fell , going headfirst over the edge . hope scrambled to grab the ledge , but it was too late . it was too far away and getting farther with every microsecond . ten stories down , the ground waited for her . joseph shouted at carmen . `` you 're not going anywhere with a slayer . '' she asked , her hands on her hips , her stance belligerent . unless of course i do n't mean enough to you to serve as a hostage . '' and you really should n't be offering to do something you know nothing about . '' it 's all over dabyr about how the slayer brought his sister here so you knew you could trust him . it makes sense he 'd want the same insurance policy in return . '' `` go to your suite . no one is going with him and that 's final . '' a small muscle under her eye twitched , making joseph realize his mistake too late . she asked , her tone frighteningly calm . andreas stood up . `` i think i 'll leave you two to chat . '' carmen grabbed his arm . the slayer looked down at her fingers , which were curled around his biceps . his nostrils flared and joseph felt more than he saw a shift in andreas 's posture . his muscles tensed , as if readying for a fight . he pulled in a deep breath and shifted slightly , partially blocking her from joseph 's sight . the slayer was giving off huge protective vibes . as if joseph would ever do anything to hurt carmen . she looked up at joseph , seemingly unaware of the response andreas was having to her . i 'm suffocating with all these rules and restrictions . '' `` they 're for your safety . '' `` my safety is my responsibility , not yours . '' `` not true , '' said joseph . `` thomas put your care into my hands . '' you ca n't see that . '' she turned to andreas . you act like an adult , you get treated like one . '' `` that 's better than i have here . '' `` their society is n't like ours , '' warned joseph . `` you may not like it . '' `` not if you 're a hostage . '' `` hostage is such a loaded term , '' said andreas . `` you 'll be our guest . '' joseph had done nothing but screw things up with carmen since she 'd shown up . she 'd had a rough life . she felt like no one had wanted her-not her father , not her uncle , and now joseph was inadvertently following in those a**holes ' footsteps . you 've already got more screwed-up humans to take care of than you know what to do with . `` who will teach you to fight if you leave ? '' `` i will , '' said andreas . `` she 'll learn alongside all the other women . '' said carmen . `` i already fit in better there . '' joseph hated letting her go . but he 'd made mistakes in dealing with her , and now he was reaping the results of those mistakes . if he did n't let her go with andreas , where she 'd at least have the slayers to protect her , chances were she 'd leave anyway . without any safety at all . joseph looked andreas in the eye . `` promise me you 'll protect her with your life . '' `` i do n't need- '' `` i promise , '' vowed andreas . joseph felt the weight of his vow settle over him , giving him some comfort . it seemed only fair to offer that same comfort in return . `` i promise to keep your sister safe as well . she may hate living here , but she 'll be safe . '' andreas nodded and offered joseph his hand . they shook , sealing their bargain . there would be peace among the sentinels . logan was still panting with the effort of using the wind to slow his own fall when he saw hope and the warden topple from the rooftop . he did n't know how he was going to find the power to save her , but he knew that he would do it or die trying . pain seared along his veins as he wrung every last speck of power from his blood . he felt his body shrivel and his skin sag on his frame . his bones felt brittle and he stooped under the strain .	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["say", 2078], ["sayest", 2078], ["said", 2078], ["thomas", 2097], ["put", 2101], ["care", 2111], ["ca", 2137], ["cas", 2137], ["see", 2145], ["turn", 2166], ["turned", 2166], ["act", 2187], ["acted", 2187], ["like", 2192], ["adult", 2201], ["get", 2211], ["treat", 2219], ["treats", 2219], ["treatest", 2219], ["treated", 2219], ["well", 2251], ["wells", 2251], ["society", 2290], ["warn", 2319], ["warned", 2319], ["may", 2339], ["mays", 2339], ["mayest", 2339], ["term", 2422], ["terming", 2422], ["guest", 2466], ["guestest", 2466], ["screw", 2505], ["screwing", 2505], ["thing", 2512], ["things", 2512], ["since", 2533], ["show", 2546], ["shown", 2546], ["rough", 2570], ["roughs", 2570], ["roughest", 2570], ["roughing", 2570], ["life", 2575], ["lifes", 2575], ["father", 2628], ["fathered", 2628], ["fathering", 2628], ["uncle", 2644], ["inadvertently", 2679], ["follow", 2689], ["following", 2689], ["footstep", 2719], ["footsteps", 2719], ["already", 2737], ["get", 2741], ["got", 2741], 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sometime during the night before , the hot-water heater in her apartment had stopped working and she 'd had to take a cold shower before heading off to school . when she got there , three of the four students in the front of the class had colds and spent the day coughing and sneezing in her direction when they were n't acting up . the rest of the class seemed to follow their lead , and she had n't accomplished half of what she 'd wanted to . after school , she 'd stayed to catch up on some of her work , but when she was finally ready to head home , one of the tires on her car was flat . she 'd had to call aaa and ended up waiting nearly an hour until they showed up ; and by the time she got back to her apartment , the streets had been roped off for the flower festival that weekend and she 'd had to park three blocks away . then , to top it all off , no more than ten minutes after she 'd walked in the door , an acquaintance had called from baltimore , to let her know that michael was getting married again in december . that was when she 'd opened the wine . now , finally feeling the effects of the alcohol , sarah found herself wishing that aaa had taken a little longer with her tire , so she would n't have been home to answer the phone when it rang . she was n't a close friend of the woman's-she 'd socialized with sarah casually , since she 'd originally been friends with michael 's family-and had no idea why the woman felt the urge to let sarah know what was going on . and even though she had passed on the information with the proper mix of sympathy and disbelief , sarah could n't help suspecting that the woman would hang up the phone and immediately report back to michael how sarah had responded . thank god she 'd kept her composure . but that was two glasses of wine ago , and now it was n't so easy . she did n't want to hear about michael . they were divorced , separated by law and choice , and unlike some divorced couples , they had n't talked since their last meeting in the lawyer 's office almost a year earlier . by that point , she 'd considered herself lucky to be rid of him and had simply signed the papers without a word . the pain and anger had been replaced with a kind of apathy , rooted in the numbing realization that she 'd never really known him at all . after that , he did n't call or write , nor did she . she lost contact with his family and friends , he showed no interest in hers . in many ways , it almost seemed as if they 'd never been married at all . and now he was getting married again . it should n't bother her . she should n't care one way or the other . but she did , and that bothered her , too . if anything , she was more upset by the fact that his impending marriage upset her than by the upcoming marriage itself . she 'd known all along that michael would marry again ; he 'd told her as much . that was the first time she 'd ever really hated someone . but real hate , the kind that made the stomach roil , was n't possible without an emotional bond . she would n't have hated michael nearly as much unless she 'd loved him first . perhaps naively , she had imagined that they would be a couple forever . they 'd made their vows and promised to love each other forever , after all , and she 'd descended from a long line of families that had done just that . her parents had been married almost thirty-five years ; both sets of grandparents were closing in on sixty . even after their problems arose , sarah believed that she and michael would follow in their footsteps . she knew it would n't be easy , but when he 'd chosen the views of his family over his promise to her , she 'd never felt so insignificant in her entire life . but she would n't be upset now , if she was really over him ... sarah finished her glass and rose from the couch , not wanting to believe that , refusing to believe it . if he came crawling back to her right now and begged for forgiveness , she would n't take him back . there was nothing he could say or do to ever make her love him again . he could marry whoever the hell he wanted , and it would make no difference to her . in the kitchen , she poured her third glass of wine . michael was getting married again . despite herself , sarah felt the tears coming . she did n't want to cry anymore , but old dreams died hard . when she put her glass down , trying to compose herself , she set the glass too close to the sink and it toppled into the basin , shattering instantly . she reached in to pick up the shards of glass , pricked her finger , and it began to bleed . one more thing on an already terrible day . she exhaled sharply and pressed the back of her hand against her eyes , willing herself not to cry .	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`` but i 'm not feeling so good . '' maddy put one hand behind her to support her back . nicole waved for her limo to pull closer to them . he backed up and opened the door . `` why not sit for a minute ? do you want me to call your service again ? '' settling onto one of the plush seats on one side , maddy said , `` i 'm sure i 'll be fine in a minute . the air in here feels great . '' wanting nothing more than to drive off and away from everything andrade , nicole stepped inside and sat across from the reason she could n't . `` i am due in a week and shaped like an overblown beach ball . there is n't an inch of me that is comfortable . '' they passed a moment of shared awkward silence . `` i must have sat wrong at my desk because my back is killing me . '' shame on stephan for having maddy continue to work this late into her pregnancy . was there any trace left of the gentler stephan she 'd fallen in love with so many years ago ? had he existed at all or had she projected what she 'd wanted to see onto just another power-hungry suit ? little maddy deserved better treatment . `` are you sure i ca n't call anyone for you ? how about your family ? '' maddy made a face as she had another back spasm . `` i 'll be fine as soon as i get home . i hate to ask you this , but do you think you could give me a ride ? '' `` you 're welcome to take the limo . i do n't mind catching a taxi . '' it would be a win/win . maddy could get home safely and she could escape from what was turning out to be another awful day . i mean , yes , i 'll take the ride , but do n't leave . i do n't know why , but i feel funny about being alone right now . '' what could you say to that ? nothing but yes , especially if you were well acquainted with how being deserted felt . `` no problem , what 's your address ? '' maddy shared her uptown address and nicole repeated it to the driver . they pulled out into traffic . maddy was the first to break the silence . `` so , are you ok with stephan going to china ? '' nicole clasped her cold hands in her lap . `` what stephan does is none of my business . '' a fact that was painfully clear after seeing him today . `` do you know why he 's going there ? '' `` like i said , none of my business . '' she did n't want to be rude , but the last thing she wanted to do was discuss the man she was planning to spend the evening trying to forget . `` even when it involves your brother ? '' `` especially when it involves my brother , '' nicole said , turning to look out the window . nicole answered , continuing to watch the people on the street . `` not getting involved . i do n't think i could do ... '' her sentence was cut short by another back spasm . nicole 's family had consisted of just her and her father since her early teen years . she had no experience dealing with pregnant women , but maddy was looking more and more uncomfortable . `` yes , just some twinges . this happened a couple of days ago . it was false labor . do n't worry , even if it were real labor ... this is my first , we 'd have plenty of time . '' nicole 's stomach twisted and she almost lost her lunch on the floor of the vehicle . she caught her breath and said , `` labor ? you could be in labor ? '' `` i wish , but i 'll probably be one of those first timers who go past their due dates , '' maddy said with more confidence than nicole thought the situation warranted . nicole tapped on the driver 's window . head to the hospital . maddy said , `` i 'm sure ... '' the driver window lowered . `` did you say the hospital ? '' `` yes , she could be in labor right now . how far are we ? '' `` lenox is on 77th i think . that 's not too far , but the traffic is at a crawl . '' `` can you go around ? '' `` it 's all backed up . there must be an accident . nothing is moving . '' nicole took a shaky breath and then another . shorter and shorter breaths until she felt a bit lightheaded . maddy said , `` breathe ! nicole , i 'm not in labor . '' but she gave a small yelp and lost some of her confidence . `` at least i do n't think so . '' nicole could barely get a coherent sentence out , `` you ca n't ... you ca n't ... '' maddy raised an eyebrow . nicole finished lamely , `` you ca n't have your baby here . i do n't know anything about babies ! 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they set him back on his feet at the bar and then start yelling as they push an enormous glass of beer to him , and they yell at him , with triple cadence as their fists bump the granite , `` re-ming-ton ! re-ming-ton ! re-ming-ton ! '' `` cool down , guys , '' pete says as he approaches , trying to calm things down . one bearded guy says , and remy grabs him and shoves him up against the wall as easily as if he weighed no more than a premature baby . show some fking respect . '' remy drops him to the ground and goes back to fix our tequilas . i know he 's going to come back to me with more shots , but people keep detaining him , and my stomach is making noises . i ca n't feel my tongue , and i 'm pretty sure i need to puke . covering my mouth , i rush to the bathroom of the smallest but closest bedroom , and ignore the couple making out on the bed as i charge into the bathroom , slam and lock the door , then drop at the side of the toilet , grab my hair and barely manage to lift the lid as i puke my guts out . five minutes later i 'm still at it , gasping as i begin to have a private pity party with myself . right here in the bathroom . my poor liver . i 'm so frickin ' glad i did track in my teenage years instead of te-kill-ya ! i ca n't even believe melanie likes to do this . i groan in misery as the nausea comes back up my throat again . i hang my head into the toilet once more and convulse as everything rips out of me . when i think i 'm done , everything is a blur and i 'm still dizzy . i wash my mouth and search for my vitamins in the stuff i 'd left in this room 's bath in case i 'd rather not share a bathroom with remington , which seems like a great plan now that i might be spending all night puking . i grab a red-colored b complex and vitamin c mix and pop one in , and i figure i should start hydrating myself , but i feel lazy to go get some water , so instead i flush the toilet a third time , close the top , and lean my forehead on it in case i get nauseous again . i grab my phone and text mel ; fel like shiz ! @ drunk as a firkin don % ky ! but im gunna furck remy if i survve th8 teqila ! then i think i even doze off . when i come to , my temples throb , and the noise outside in the presidential suite is deafening . i have the good sense to wash my mouth and calm down the tangles in my hair and wash my hands , then i peer out into the room and the lovers are gone , so i pad out into the living room toward the noise . not noise . the pandemonium . blinking , i absorb the scene before me with disbelieving eyes . i do n't know what 's happened , but something . feathers from torn pillows are littered everywhere . glass crunches under my feet as i walk . people are shoving against each other , somehow drunk and panicked as they try to save themselves from something . remington `` riptide '' tate , the sexiest man alive , is tossing anything in his path and yelling at the top of his lungs , `` what the fk did you tell her about me ? where the f**k is she ? '' while pete is jacketless , and tieless , and desperate to calm him down . remy flings a crystal decanter into the wall with a fantastic crash , and people scream both in fear and laughter , while riley is busy ushering them out the open suite doors . my drunkenness instantly fades , or at least it drops down about fifty percent , and i am almost fully sober from the shock . i jump into action and start shoving all the bodies i come into contact with toward the door , `` out , out , out ! '' i scream like a banshee . remy hears my voice , and whips around and sees me . his eyes flash with something feral as he tosses the lamp he has in his hands and sends it crashing with a big explosion of glass behind him , then he starts for me . but pete grabs him back , pulling desperately at his arm . as remington stares into my eyes with an expression of pure raw pain , pete rams something into his neck and his eyelids flutter . his head slumps forward , and i freeze in complete and total horror . clouds of confusion impede any rational thought as i try to process the fact that pete , gentle pete , just shot something up remy 's jugular . riley continues shoving people out the room as remy slumps down and pete struggles to prop him up against the nearest wall . when we manage to get the last person out , riley drapes one of remy 's arms around his neck , while the other goes around pete .	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it was n't as if we were kids and could easily recover from a fall . as adults we land a lot harder . `` do you feel dizzy ? '' i asked , afraid she might have bumped her head . she was wearing hannah 's old helmet , but i had to ask . `` light-headed ? '' the helmet saved me , i think . '' `` that 's why we 're supposed to use them . '' i 've dealt with too many preventable head injuries in children who had n't been wearing helmets . `` you 're not one of those men who take delight in saying i told you so , are you ? '' `` every man lives for the opportunity . '' `` that 's what i thought , '' she said , coming awkwardly to a stand . `` i 'll take you to the house and patch up your wounds , '' i said . winter hobbled toward the house while i pushed both bikes . bike riding had been a disaster . `` why should you apologize ? i 'm the inept one . '' `` i should 've suggested we do something else . '' i put the bikes in the garage , then joined her . with my arm around her waist , i led her into the kitchen and sat her down on a kitchen chair while i went in search of band-aids and antibiotic cream . when i returned i had a fresh washcloth , too . next i ran cool water into a bowl and brought it over to the table where i 'd set my supplies . i dabbed at her scraped elbow and knee , applied ointment and carefully bandaged them . `` i 'm not a good patient , '' winter said from between clenched teeth . `` on the contrary , you 're an excellent patient . '' she smiled and our eyes met . once i 'd finished , i took away the water and the cloth and put everything back where it belonged . i hate to admit it , but i 'm a neat freak , as hannah rather unflatteringly described me . it 's a habit i developed as a child , perhaps because my brother , with whom i shared a bedroom , was such a slob . ever since then , i 'd felt a need to have order around me . `` my mother always gave me a treat when i was hurt as a kid , '' winter told me when i came back . `` what kind of treat ? '' `` sometimes it was hot cocoa , other times a cookie . when i broke my arm she let me sleep in her bed and watch movies all day . '' her face reddened and she immediately broke eye contact . `` i was n't asking to sleep in your bed , michael . '' i had n't taken it that way and merely laughed . she thanked me with a lopsided smile . `` would you like to watch a movie ? '' that was the only thing i could think of , probably because she 'd just mentioned it . `` do you have popcorn ? '' groceries were a hit-and-miss chore with me . i was thankful to discover an unopened box of microwave popcorn in the cupboard above the refrigerator . i did n't know how long it 'd been there , but it served the purpose . while i stood guard over it , winter went through the stack of dvds . i could n't remember when i 'd actually sat down and watched one , although we owned quite a few . hannah was the movie lover , everything from black-andwhite classics to foreign films to hollywood blockbusters . i watched them with her -- mainly to be with her -- but movies seemed a waste of time to me . winter came into the kitchen , a dvd in her hand . `` the african queen is one of my favorites . '' `` hannah 's , too . '' i 'm guessing she bought it . '' the popping slowed and then stopped , and the timer buzzed . i did n't want to get caught up in memories of hannah . i did n't think it was wise to drag her name into every conversation . winter must have felt the same way because she did n't mention hannah again . the tv was in the family room and i inserted the movie , then sat down on the sofa next to winter . i left several inches between us . she had her bowl of popcorn and i had mine . it 'd been probably four years since i 'd seen the humphrey bogart and katharine hepburn movie . i 'd forgotten what a moving love story it is . i did recall that hannah invariably cried at the end . as the credits rolled , winter glanced in my direction . neither of us had moved during the film . the same few inches still separated us . `` i 've got some aspirin . '' i should 've thought of it earlier . if she was n't stiff and sore now , she would be soon . `` it hardly hurts at all . '' `` well , tomorrow might be another story , '' i said , blaming myself regardless of her protests .	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satisfaction flickered over the older woman 's face . we need a few batches . i 've already gotten the ingredients . '' the massive countertop held flour , giant eggs , oil , rolling pins , and a variety of other equipment . she glanced around for the box of ziti and a pot to boil the water in as mama conte handed her an apron . maggie wrinkled her nose at the odd choice of clothing just to stick something in water , but what the hell . when in italy ... `` i am sure you cook pasta differently in america , so you may watch me first , then prepare your batch . '' confusion fogged her brain for a moment , and maggie refused to give in to panic . where was the blue box ? in growing horror , she watched as wrinkled hands moved like lightning cracking eggs , straining yolks , and mixing everything in a bowl . the flour was dumped in the middle of a large board , and slowly , mama conte poured the wet stuff in the middle and began some kind of ritual that blended it all together . like magic , dough suddenly appeared , and she kneaded , stretched , and danced over the blob for endless minutes . completely fascinated by the hypnotic ritual , maggie could n't believe this stuff would end up looking like anything you could actually eat . never breaking the rhythm , mama conte glanced toward her . `` you may begin when you are ready . '' reality hit her as she stared at the mass of stuff piled in front of her . homemade pasta ! she had to make the actual dough ? there was no heavenly box to open , or a jar of sauce to heat up . the stakes were much higher than she thought , and maggie felt the beginnings of an attack nibble on her sanity . no way would she be broken by a lump of dough and an italian mother just waiting to pounce . she 'd show them all . maggie pulled the bowl close . the flour part was easy , but the eggs scared the hell out of her . hm , one good crack in the middle , pull apart the shell , and the inside should slide out easily . with fake confidence , she slammed the egg against the edge of the bowl . the slimy stuff slipped into her hands and white shell scattered . one quick glance at mama conte confirmed she was n't looking over , and she trusted maggie to get her batch done . humming some italian song under her breath , she kept kneading . maggie scooped out as much of the shell as possible and left the rest in . a few more and she had some kind of wet ingredient that looked acceptable . screw it , she needed to move fast before his mother looked over . she poured a mass of flour in the center , then dumped the stuff in the bowl in the middle . liquid ran over the edges of the board in a runny mess . trying not to pant , she wiped her brow with her elbow and scooped up the mess with the apron . the damn fork did n't help stir it at all , so maggie took a deep breath and stuck both hands into the junk . flour caught under her nails . she squeezed over and over and prayed for some sort of miracle that resembled dough . powder flew around her in a dust cloud . the more she panicked , the faster she rolled . maybe more flour or another egg ? the rest was a blur until a pair of firm hands stilled her movements . maggie closed her eyes in pure defeat . then slowly opened them . mama conte stared at the mess that was supposed to be pasta . white shells scattered within the lumps of gooey junk that slid over the counter and dripped on the floor . tiny puff clouds rose and drifted around them . her apron was filled with sticky clumps , and the so-called dough covered her bare arms up to her elbows . maggie knew it was over . michael would never marry a woman who could n't cook homemade pasta . mama conte would never approve of such a match , or even believe in the possibility . with the last shred of pride she held , maggie lifted her chin and met the woman 's gaze head-on . mama conte lifted a brow in question , and maggie rushed on . i use the dried pasta and dump it in water . i heat up sauce in the microwave . i eat take-out almost every night . '' she prepared herself for the ridicule and accusation . instead , michael 's mother grinned . maggie jerked back . `` i wanted to see how far you would go . i am impressed , margherita . you never show your fear . once you commit , you see it through , even if you think you will fail . that is exactly what my son needs . '' with quick actions , mama conte dumped the oozing mess into the garbage , redusted with the flour , and turned to her . `` we begin again .	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`` oh , you think you 're so smooth , do n't you ? you think that makes you sound sexy ? with the eyes and everything ? he chuckled , but it was n't amusement heating his eyes . it was something altogether darker , something that took her breath away . `` prove it then . one kiss , and i 'll free your wrists . '' `` wow , you think i 'm so easy , do n't you ? '' and yet , as she used up the last vestiges of her will to resist , she found her gaze drifting toward his well-shaped mouth and wondering again what would it be like to kiss him . i might get some unknown std from you and i 'll need to gargle with bleach later , but i 'm only doing this to prove to you i 'm too hot for you to handle . '' defiant to the end , she broke the one finger hold he had on her restraints and looped her bound wrists around his neck . despite the heels , he was tall enough that she had to strain higher on her toes to pull him down by the neck and press her lips to his . if rollie thought she was in control of this , then she soon found out differently . as soon as her lips touched his , he took over , his hands sliding around her waist to pull her closer . his lips , warm and firm , slid along hers , seeking and demanding a response . she knew she was doomed the moment she gave in , the instant her lips touched his . despite the danger that shrouded him , there was something about him she could n't resist . god help her , she liked kissing him . ardent , demanding , and thorough . he kissed like a dream , and she was no match for him as she gave herself to the kiss completely . needing to get closer to him , she pressed her body against his and moaned her surrender into his mouth . his hand slid up her back , cupping the nape of her neck and holding her in place so he could deepen the kiss . his tongue brushed out , flicking the underside of her upper lip as though he were asking permission , wanting access . although he was a large man , making her feel petite and feminine , and he 'd kidnapped her in the first place , in his arms , kissing him , she forgot all about their current situation . the teasing continued , and she finally let him in , letting him have free access to her mouth as she teased his tongue with hers , inviting him to play . she was dizzy with arousal and did n't see him as her kidnapper anymore but a captor in another respect . she did n't think she 'd be able to deny anything he requested of her right then . she was a smart woman , but in his arms with him kissing her like this , she did n't want to rationalize anything . he groaned , turning them both so she was against the counter , then boosted her up to sit on it . a shiver ran through his big body when she touched his tongue with hers . this was unbridled lust . a woman who knew what she wanted and how she wanted it . she moaned as she felt him hard against the softest part of her ; the contact sending sparks through her body and exploding through every nerve she had . greedy for more contact , she ground herself against his hardness and almost fell limp in his arms with the blissful sensation . he kissed along her jaw , the softest of tugs on her hair pulling her head back and revealing the softness of her throat to him . she whimpered as he found the sensitive spot under her ear , her body nearly melting into a puddle and slithering off the counter . then he stopped , going still . rollie took a few more moments to realize he had stopped abruptly . dazed with arousal , she needed a second to see he 'd been distracted by something on the tv , and she stopped to listen as well . `` ... was fatally wounded in a shooting earlier today . gavilan tech spokesperson bryan westwood said to media during a press conference that prior to the shooting , doctor gavilan was scheduled to make an appearance at the geneva energy summit next week ... '' then , as she heard more , she quickly disengaged from him and ran to see more of the newscast . `` no , '' she cried out as she saw her double , her friend marie deline , carried by paramedics to an awaiting ambulance . `` ... died a few hours later while undergoing surgery after being shot several times at close range by , as of yet , an unidentified assailant . authorities have yet to determine the motives for the horrific shooting and are currently looking for witnesses to shed light on the incident . however , given the lack of forensic evidence , police are having difficulty in proceeding with the investigation ... '' she was frozen on the spot as she stared at the screen , tears streaming down in earnest . she could n't believe that she was seeing this . hearing this . marie was dead ?	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the back of my neck tingles , and i tilt my head to each side to stretch it . i 've got to quit letting the past mess with my head . i just need to forget lucas wolfe and all of this and move on . i just need - `` sienna ? '' a female voice calls my name . i glance up from the black skinny jeans that i 'm clutching to face a girl with short , spiky turquoise and pink hair and snake bite piercings . i squint for a second , trying to place her . as she comes closer , her face unblurs , and i mentally take away the facial piercings and picture her with blonde jennifer aniston-esque layers and a pink polo shirt . i feel my lips automatically curl into a grin . jessica rushes forward to hug me . drawing back , she squeals . `` dude , i have n't seen you in - what ? - four or five years ? what are you now , a teac - ? '' `` wardrobe assistant for echo falls , '' i say before she has the chance to call me a teacher . self-consciously , i tug at the hem of my flutter sleeve top . guess it does its job of making me look professional . to the point that my boss wants to spank me with a ruler and an old friend assumes i spend my days drilling addition into first graders ' brains . `` no shit , '' she says . she drapes the armful of clothes she 's carrying across a mannequin 's arm , despite the nasty look the sales girl working the floor gives her . jessica rolls her eyes . `` i fucking hate that show . '' `` me too , '' i say , and she grins . glancing down at a rack , i shrug . `` just another couple weeks . i 'm doing a favor for a ... um ... friend and helping my grandma with a few things . '' when i tell her that gram is well , she tilts her head to the side , nodding . `` and your mama ? '' that familiar buzz of humiliation makes me bow my head a little , but i fight back the urge to flinch . when my mom and her husband had gone down for selling and trafficking prescription drugs , they 'd taken jessica 's uncle with them . jessica never seemed too hurt about it - and she 's not mentioning it right now - but i hate that she 's asked about my mother . trust me , if your mom went to prison for one of the biggest drug busts in state history and snitches on every dealer within 20 miles ... you 'd be afraid and embarrassed when someone asks about her too . `` she 's fine , '' i say stiffly . jessica murmurs something inaudible in a sympathetic voice . `` your parents still run that bar ? '' i ask and she rolls her eyes dramatically . `` i thought it would be awesome getting all the free booze , but yeah . my dad 's a fucking slave driver . '' as if on cue , her phone beeps and she drags it out of the pocket of her fuchsia jeans . `` and as usual , work calls . i 've got ta pay for these and run , but if you 're not busy tonight ... '' she digs in her messenger bag and hands me a red and black flyer . it 's an advertisement for a your toxic sequel cover band performing at her parents ' broadway bar . i nearly choke on my own saliva . she squeals , clapping her tattooed hands together . `` ahh , a yts fan , i see ? my boyfriend 's in the band and they 're amazeballs - almost better than the real thing . come out if you can . see you around , '' she says , plucking her clothes off the mannequin . `` and find me on facebook if i do n't see you tonight ! '' she yells as she walks away . i pay for my own selections soon after . i ball the pink flyer up and throw it in the bottom of the shopping bag . lucas has that look of worshipped star as i drive him back to the house on green hills , so he does n't complain about how the ride back is twice as long , or how i nearly run into the back of a minivan that boasts about a hundred of those kid and animal pictures on the very back . `` you 'd think they give blow jobs with photo shoots , '' i say under my breath . of course he asks to see the clothes that i 've purchased the moment we enter the house . my head hurts from the long day spent out , so i gesture toward my room , and he follows behind me . `` for someone who plays with clothes all day , you did n't buy much . '' my face tightens . `` i do n't play with clothes all day , lucas . i ... work with them . '' but my voice falters as if i 'm unsure of myself . he raises his hands up in front of himself defensively .	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1248], ["clothes", 1248], ["carry", 1264], ["carrying", 1264], ["across", 1271], ["mannequin", 1283], ["arm", 1290], ["despite", 1300], ["nasty", 1310], ["sale", 1325], ["sales", 1325], ["work", 1338], ["wrought", 1338], ["working", 1338], ["floor", 1348], ["give", 1354], ["gives", 1354], ["roll", 1374], ["rolls", 1374], ["eye", 1383], ["eyed", 1383], ["eyes", 1383], ["fucking", 1398], ["hate", 1403], ["hateed", 1403], ["show", 1413], ["grin", 1455], ["grins", 1455], ["glance", 1466], ["glancing", 1466], ["rack", 1481], ["shrug", 1491], ["shrugging", 1491], ["another", 1509], ["couple", 1516], ["week", 1522], ["weeks", 1522], ["favor", 1543], ["favorest", 1543], ["um", 1556], ["help", 1579], ["helpest", 1579], ["helping", 1579], ["grandma", 1590], ["grandmas", 1590], ["thing", 1608], ["things", 1608], ["tell", 1625], ["gram", 1639], ["grams", 1639], ["well", 1647], ["wells", 1647], ["tilt", 1659], ["tilting", 1659], ["tilts", 1659], ["nodding", 1690], ["mama", 1709], ["mamas", 1709], 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["busted", 2153], ["busts", 2153], ["state", 2162], ["history", 2170], ["snitch", 2183], ["snitches", 2183], ["every", 2192], ["dealer", 2199], ["within", 2206], ["mile", 2215], ["miles", 2215], ["afraid", 2236], ["ask", 2270], ["asks", 2270], ["fine", 2301], ["stiffly", 2320], ["inaudible", 2358], ["sympathetic", 2375], ["parent", 2399], ["parents", 2399], ["still", 2405], ["run", 2409], ["bar", 2418], ["ask", 2429], ["dramatically", 2465], ["think", 2480], ["thinkest", 2480], ["thought", 2480], ["awesome", 2500], ["get", 2508], ["getting", 2508], ["free", 2521], ["booze", 2527], ["boozing", 2527], ["yeah", 2538], ["dad", 2547], ["slave", 2566], ["driver", 2573], ["cue", 2591], ["phone", 2603], ["beep", 2609], ["beeps", 2609], ["drag", 2623], ["pocket", 2644], ["pocketing", 2644], ["fuchsia", 2659], ["usual", 2683], ["work", 2690], ["wrought", 2690], ["ta", 2711], ["pay", 2715], ["pays", 2715], ["payest", 2715], ["busy", 2759], ["busied", 2759], ["tonight", 2767], ["dug", 2783], 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she wanted to scream , to throw herself at him and claw his face . but the invisible wall lay between them , shimmering slightly , and she knew she could not breach it . oh , you are to be more than his bride , miss gray , mrs. black had said . `` the shadowhunters will not be so easily destroyed , '' she said . `` i have seen them cut apart your automatons . perhaps these can not be felled by their runed weapons , but any blade can shear metal and cut wires . '' `` shadowhunters are not used to battling creatures against whom their runed weapons are useless . it will slow them . and there are countless of these automatons . it will be like trying to beat back the tide . '' `` you see , now , the genius of what i have invented ? but i must thank you , miss gray , for that last piece of the puzzle . i thought perhaps even you might be ... admiring ... of what we have created together . '' admiring ? she looked in his eyes for mockery , but there was something of a sincere question there , curiosity mixed with the coldness . she thought of how long it must have been since he had had the praise of another human being , and took a deep breath . `` you are obviously a great inventor , '' she said . mortmain smiled , pleased . tessa was aware of the gaze of the mechanical demon on her , its tension and readiness , but she was more aware of mortmain . her heart was beating hard inside her chest . she seemed , as she had in her dream , poised on the edge of a precipice . to speak to mortmain like this was chancy , and she would either fall or fly . but she must take the chance . `` i see why you have brought me here , '' she said . `` and it is not just because of your father 's secrets . '' there was anger in his eyes , but also a certain confusion . she was not behaving as he had expected her to behave . `` you are lonely , '' she said . `` you have surrounded yourself with creatures that are not real , that do not live . we see our own souls in the eyes of others . how long has it been since you have seen that you have a soul ? '' `` i had a soul . it has been burned away by what i have dedicated my life to : the pursuit of justice and recompense . '' `` do not seek revenge and call it justice . '' the demon gave a low chuckle , though there was contempt in it , as if he were watching the antics of a kitten . `` you would let her speak to you like that , master ? '' `` i can cut out her tongue for you , silence her forever . '' `` it would serve nothing to mutilate her . she has powers you know not of , '' said mortmain , his eyes still on tessa . `` there is an old saying in china-perhaps your beloved fiance familiarized you with it-that states , 'a man may not live under the same heaven with the slayer of his father . ' i shall erase the shadowhunters from under heaven ; they will not longer live upon the earth . do not seek to appeal to my better nature , tessa , for i have none . '' tessa could not help herself-she thought of a tale of two cities , of lucie manette 's appeals to sydney carton 's better nature . she had always thought of will as sydney , consumed by sin and despair against his own better knowledge , even against his own desire . but will was a good man , a much better one than carton had ever been . and mortmain was barely a man at all . it was not his better nature she appealed to but his vanity : all men thought of themselves as good in the end , surely . no one believed themselves a villain . `` surely that is not so-surely you might again be worthy and good . you have done what you set out to do . you have brought life and intelligence to these-these infernal devices of yours . you have created that which might destroy the shadowhunters . all your life you have pursued justice because you believed the shadowhunters were corrupt and vicious . now , if you stay your hand , you win the greatest victory . you show that you are better than they . '' she searched mortmain 's face with her eyes . surely there was some hesitation there-surely the thin lips were shaking slightly , surely there was the tension of doubt in his shoulders ? `` you think , then , that i can be a better man ? and if i were to do as you say , to stay my hand , you would have me believe that you would stay with me out of admiration , that you would not return to the shadowhunters ? '' `` why , yes , mr. mortmain . she swallowed against the bitterness in her throat .	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groaning , he eased inside her . she murmured a faint protest , but her hps lifted of their own accord , pushing into the wicked invasion . `` you 're so hot , so tight . '' his finger slid in to the base . with his free hand , he lifted her leg until her slippered foot rested on the surface of the table . then he pushed her knee outward , completely opening her to his gaze . he stared at her sex and withdrew his finger . olivia watched , fascinated , as he brought his hand to his mouth and sucked his finger inside . `` ummm , '' he purred , the sound deeply sexual . he lifted and spread her other leg as he had the first . she flushed , knowing she looked wanton , her gown ruined , her brsts exposed and damp from his mouth , her sex open and glistening with her lust for him . phoenix brought both hands between her legs-one spreading the sheltering lips while the other slipped the long , calloused finger back inside her . he began to pump in and out , his gaze arrested by the sight . her hands gripped the rounded edges of the table , her lower lip caught in her teeth , as she struggled to remain silent . she wanted to cry out , to scream . it felt so wonderful she could hardly bear it . tension built , coiling in her stomach and shooting outward in hot waves . she did n't understand it , but her body knew , her hps lifting in counterpoint to his movements . she was so wet , so wild , for him , olivia could hear the sucking sounds of her body as it tried to hold the plunging finger within her . and then there was more of him inside her-two fingers , drenched in her cream , thrusting in and out . she released her lip and cried out , her body shuddering . `` please ... '' she begged , but she did n't know for what . `` the feel of me inside you . you 'd like my cock , would n't you , sweet ? stretching you , filling the emptiness that my fingers can not . '' his intense blue eyes remained locked on the place where he claimed her , as he slowly slid down her body , his skilled fingers never ceasing their torment . he licked his lips , and his scandalous intent became apparent . `` no , '' she whispered in protest . `` you will not deny me this , '' he bit out . `` a small taste of heaven before i return you . '' olivia knew propriety dictated she stop him , push him away , but she could n't , not when phoenix looked at her the way he was doing now . she rose onto her elbows and watched his mouth descend , his tongue slipping like fire through the petals of her sex . she ground her h*ps restlessly into the table . it was horrible and wonderful and wicked . and she loved it , loved how he made her feel , loved to watch him so totally focused on her . his expert tongue lapped her aching sex in a way that soothed and excited at the same time . olivia spread her legs wider , arching up into his mouth , feeling empty just as he said she would , despite his rapidly stroking fingers . with frightening understanding , he seemed to know exactly what she needed , his tongue held rigid as it flicked against the source of her torment , the source of her pleasure . phoenix dropped to his knees , concentrating the full extent of his skill on pleasuring her mindless . higher and higher he pressed her , making erotic sounds of enjoyment against her flesh , until she could n't bear it any longer . his fingers moved faster , his tongue lapped harder , his growls grew louder- her orgasm made her scream , her entire body stretching taut across the table and shaking with sensation as she convulsed in ecstasy against his mouth . he remained between her legs , sliding his fingers from her and replacing the loss with his tongue until she regained control of her breathing . only then did he stand and cover her body with his . `` phoenix ... `` he pulled her against him , his body rigid and damp with sweat . olivia knew he had not felt the same pleasure he had given to her . `` tell me what to do , '' she begged against his throat . `` you did , '' he assured her in a gruff whisper . `` to feel you come in my mouth ... 't was a singular experience , love . '' `` i want- '' `` i know what you want , '' he interrupted dryly . i want to pleasure you as well . '' her eyes slid closed , and her head fell to the side , away from his mouth . `` you do n't want me ... that way . '' phoenix clasped the sides of her face in his large hands and forced her to face him . his fiery blue gaze burned into hers . `` it is not a question of wanting you , but a question of wanting the best for you . i am not it . 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`` jody , '' tommy said tentatively . `` when i get old , i mean , if we 're still together ... '' she yanked on his hair . okay , we 'll still be together . have you ever heard of satyriasis ? '' `` well , it happens to real old guys . they run around with a perpetual hard-on , chasing teenage girls and humping anything that moves until they have to be put in restraints . '' `` wow , interesting disease . '' `` yeah , well , when i get old , if i start to show the symptoms ... '' `` yeah ? '' `` just let it run its course , okay ? '' rivera held a plastic cup of orange juice for the mass of plaster and tubes that was laotis small . laotis sipped from the straw , then pushed it away with his tongue . the body cast ran from below his knees to the top of his head , with holes for his face and outgoing tubes . cavuto stood by the hospital bed taking notes . `` so you and your friends were doing laundry when an unarmed , redheaded woman attacked you and put all three of you in the hospital ? `` she was a ninja , man . i get the kick-boxing channel on cable . '' cavuto chomped an unlit cigar . `` your friend james says that she was six-four and weighed two hundred pounds . '' `` no , man , she was five-five , five-six . '' `` your other buddy '' - cavuto checked his notepad for the name - `` kid jay , said that it was a gang of mexicans . '' `` no , man , he dreamin ' ; it was one ninja bitch . '' `` a five-and-a-half-foot woman put the three of you big strong guys in the hospital ? '' we was just mindin ' our own bidness . she come in and axed for some change . james tell her no , he got to put a load in the dryer , and she go fifty-one-fifty on him . she a ninja . '' `` thank you , laotis , you 've been very helpful . '' cavuto shot rivera a look and they left the hospital room . in the hallway rivera said , `` so we 're looking for a gang of redheaded , ninja mexicans . '' cavuto said , `` you think there 's a molecule of truth in any of that ? '' `` they were all unconscious when they were brought in , and obviously they have n't tried to match up their stories . so if you throw out everything that does n't match , you end up with a woman with long red hair . '' `` you think a woman could do that to them and manage to snap the neck of two other people without a struggle ? '' `` not a chance , '' rivera said . his beeper went off and he checked the number . cavuto pulled up . `` go ahead , i 'm going back in to talk to laotis . meet me outside emergency . '' `` take it easy , nick , the guy 's in a body cast . '' cavuto grinned . `` kind'a erotic , ai n't it ? '' he turned and lumbered back toward laotis small 's room . jody walked tommy up to market street , watched him eat a burger and fries , and put him on the 42 bus to work . killing the time while tommy worked was becoming tedious . she tried to stay in the loft , watched the late-night talk shows and old movies on cable , read magazines , and did a little cleaning , but by two in the morning the caged-cat feeling came over her and she went out to wander the streets . sometimes she walked market among the street people and the convention crowds , other times she took a bus to north beach and hung out on broadway watching the sailors and the punks stagger , drunk and stoned , or the hookers and the hustlers running their games . it was on these crowded streets that she felt most lonely . time and again she wanted to turn to someone and point out a unique heat pattern or the dark aura she sensed around the sick ; like a child sharing the cloud animals flying through a summer sky . but no one else could see what she saw , no one heard the whispered propositions , the pointed refusals , or the rustle of money exchanging hands in alleys and doorways . other times she crept through the back streets and listened to the symphony of noises that no one else heard , smelled the spectrum of odors that had long ago exhausted her vocabulary . each night there were more nameless sights and smells and sounds , and they came so fast and subtle that she eventually gave up trying to name them . she thought , this is what it is to be an animal . just experience - direct , instant , and wordless ; memory and recognition , but no words .	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["creeped", 3791], ["crept", 3791], ["listen", 3829], ["listens", 3829], ["listened", 3829], ["symphony", 3845], ["noise", 3855], ["noises", 3855], ["smell", 3888], ["smelt", 3888], ["smellest", 3888], ["smelled", 3888], ["spectrum", 3901], ["odor", 3910], ["odors", 3910], ["ago", 3928], ["exhaust", 3938], ["exhausted", 3938], ["exhausting", 3938], ["vocabulary", 3953], ["vocabularies", 3953], ["nameless", 3991], ["sight", 3998], ["sighted", 3998], ["sights", 3998], ["smell", 4009], ["smelt", 4009], ["smellest", 4009], ["smells", 4009], ["sound", 4020], ["sounds", 4020], ["fast", 4044], ["subtle", 4055], ["eventually", 4075], ["give", 4080], ["gave", 4080], ["try", 4090], ["tryed", 4090], ["trying", 4090], ["think", 4117], ["thinkest", 4117], ["thought", 4117], ["animal", 4154], ["experience", 4172], ["experienced", 4172], ["direct", 4181], ["instant", 4191], ["wordless", 4206], ["memory", 4215], ["memories", 4215], ["recognition", 4231], ["word", 4246], ["words", 4246]]
finding bay tapping away at her computer keyboard and a teenage boy cursing roundly from a jail cell was not what he wanted to find . her normally neat pony tail was slightly askew and she had tendrils of hair dangling down to brush her neck . she was completely ignoring the verbal abuse coming from the young man . tuck yelled at the teen . the kid simply turned his ire onto tuck . that bitch , she nearly broke my arm . i want to press charges against her . tuck repeated , this time quietly and much darker . even from behind bars the kid got the message and flung himself onto the cot at the back of the cell . bay glanced up but continued typing . she took a quick look at tuck and just as quickly turned back to the computer screen . moving closer , tuck could see a long red scratch along the side of her neck . he could also read the anger in the lines of her posture and was able to admire the way she held it in . the closer he got to her , the more the hairs on his arms stood on end . silently cursing his reaction , but this time he also welcomed it too , as it was chasing away that raging cold inside him . he instantly regretted his choice of words as they reminded him of clarice . bay finished the sentence she was typing before answering . shoplifter from speedys . he wanted to run and then to fight . freakin womans got ta be on speed man . no one runs like that but me . the kid grumbled from the cot . whatd he take ? bay pointed to the corner of her desk and a collection of junk food . two sodas , five candy bars , two packs of crackers . but what got him was he tried to lift a pack of cigarettes . and the fact that i had just stopped to grab breakfast before going home . shifting to stand behind her to read her screen , he noted the name . trevor williams . he ignored the quick shiver he felt go through bay ... or so he told himself when his body tightened . moving to stand in front of the cell , he looked more closely at the boy . mayor williamss grandson . starting point for the basketball team . track star . bays startled gaze went to the kid . he remained silent for the first time since shed picked him up . tuck gave the bars of the cell a kick to make them ring . you were just helping yourself to what you wanted , no need to pay cuz youre mayor williamss grandson . got caught and ran . she chased you down . caught you , beat you down , handcuffed you and brought you in . how many of your friends saw that one ? the boy remained silent and still . youre a senior this year , right ? first football game coming up . college football scouts going to be sniffing around you this year . football and basketball scouts maybe . tuck began to pace in front of the bars . if i remember correctly coach max is hella strict on keeping your nose clean . crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back on his heels , tuck continued , didnt he toss dylan white right off the team for just getting a squalling tires ticket ? something about his players being examples to the community a low stream of curses started . tuck snapped his fingers and adopted a hopeful look on his face . but youre trevor williams . you think you can get out of this because grandpa will just give me a call and make it all go away . trevor sat up and looked at tuck , hope dancing in his eyes . tucks harsh laugh echoed through the room . without looking at bay he asked , is this little snot 18 yet ? did you charge him with assaulting an officer ? charge him with resisting too . charge him with everything youve got . no need to call his parents . or his grandparents . hes an adult and hes on a twenty-four hold . hes going to miss school today . and football practice . and , most likely , the rest of the season . turning sharply on his heel , he left for his office . he was deep into his own paperwork and fighting the demon of a dark mood when bay brought in her report . taking it he asked , did you put down your overtime ? um , yeah i will . bay stood with her hands in her pockets . everything is just peachy . tuck knew the sarcasm was just dripping from his words but he couldnt seem to hold it back . look sheriff , normally i stay out of your business , but you were a little hard on the kid in there . bay held herself stiffly as if she expected a rebuke . shoving his hand through his hair in an uncharacteristic show of frustration , tuck leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes . maybe if he didnt look at her it would be better . he paused , wondering how much to say and then decided it was best to say nothing at this point . so he settled on the answer , yes theres something wrong . no im not going to talk about it . ill handle the kid from here . bay didnt budge .	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the night she 'd made love to him wearing only the ruby pendant she 'd temporarily borrowed from the diamond mine , she 'd admitted having no idea how sensuous a piece of fine jewelry could feel when you were nakd. he 'd had a little trouble working around the cumbersome necklace , and it had nearly put his eye out during one particular maneuver . but jamie had been so turned on by the concept that , in the end , he 'd been turned on by it , too . by now he 'd forgotten half the things he 'd said on the questionnaire , but jamie had it permanently recorded on a computer disk and she seemed determined to work in every sexual preference she thought he had . he found himself longing for the simple woman in the jeans and sweatshirt , but jamie apparently had left that woman in the dust . once they got past whatever trappings she 'd added for the evening 's entertainment , they were down to two nakd bodies and the most unbelievable sex he 'd ever known . it was so good , in fact , that the m-word was running through his mind on a regular basis . he 'd begun picturing how jamie would look in white . but her newfound spirit of adventure made him nervous . a woman in the midst of exploring her wild side might not be in the mood for commitment . jamie had given no indication that this was more than a casual affair . through the recent valentine uproar at the red doors , jamie had seemed to use him as an anchor . he liked having her do that . she 'd also admitted to faith that they 'd been dating , and dev thought that was a major step . still , he did n't feel confident enough to think in terms of happily ever after . but valentine 's day was on friday and this was tuesday . he needed to make plans , and they could n't be a carbon copy of what they 'd been doing so far-spending the night in her apartment and in her bed . any woman would expect something more elaborate from a guy she 'd been seeing so often and so intimately . if she were the old jamie , he could tell her to pack her comfy clothes and they 'd head up to a secluded cabin in wisconsin for the weekend . but this emerging jamie would want a night on the town so she could wear a slinky dress and impossibly high heels . maybe she 'd put on the same red pair she 'd worn with the red lace teddy the other night . he did n't want to go out on the town , but he had to admit the thought of jamie wearing red heels and lacy underwear got him very hot . he 'd finally realized that she could do almost anything and make it sexy . jamie was the secret ingredient . he was falling for her , and he had to figure out what to do about that . he had to figure it out before valentine 's day , too . valentine 's day was a water-shed occasion for any couple . people said and did things on valentine 's day that could get them in a lot of trouble . if one person was thinking long-term relationship-as he was-and the other was thinking short-term sexual adventure-as jamie might be-then valentine 's day could be hideous . but , for starters , he 'd ask her to go to the pump room for dinner . no doubt the restaurant was already booked solid , but fortunately the sherman name would get him a table . normally he did n't like to pull rank , but this was an unusual situation . with an inward sigh he thought about the starched tux shirt he 'd have to wear and the shiny dress shoes he 'd never liked . but if jamie wanted to dress up , then he 'd dress up , too . he climbed out of the cab wondering what she had in store for him tonight . they probably would n't just watch a movie and eat popcorn in bed , then enjoy some good old-fashioned sex . they would n't because he had n't said anything on the damned questionnaire about liking to do that . she had no idea what the real dev was all about , but he could n't rain on her parade , not when she 'd so recently begun having one . she greeted him at her apartment door wearing a leopard-print sarong . the air reverberated with jungle drums , and when he kissed her , he nearly choked on the musky scent she 'd poured on herself . but she thought this was the perfume he loved , the magic potion that would drive him wild , and she was wearing it just for him . how could he not kiss her until they were both senseless ? how could he not shove her against the wall with reckless abandon ? access to her was easy-she 'd worn nothing under the sarong . he paused only long enough to unzip his pants before rolling on a condom , grabbing her sleek bottom and lifting her into position . in his frenzy to bury himself inside her he forgot the overpowering fragrance , forgot the jungle drums , forgot everything but stroking until he felt her climactic undulations caress his penis . then he came in a burst of joyous energy .	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["term", 1614], ["terming", 1614], ["terms", 1614], ["happily", 1625], ["day", 1659], ["friday", 1673], ["tuesday", 1694], ["need", 1706], ["needest", 1706], ["needed", 1706], ["plan", 1720], ["plans", 1720], ["carbon", 1753], ["copy", 1758], ["far", 1792], ["spend", 1801], ["spends", 1801], ["spendest", 1801], ["apartment", 1828], ["bed", 1843], ["expect", 1868], ["elaborate", 1893], ["guy", 1904], ["see", 1923], ["seeing", 1923], ["often", 1932], ["intimately", 1950], ["old", 1972], ["tell", 1994], ["pack", 2006], ["comfy", 2016], ["clad", 2024], ["clothe", 2024], ["clothes", 2024], ["head", 2041], ["seclude", 2058], ["secluding", 2058], ["secluded", 2058], ["cabin", 2064], ["wisconsin", 2077], ["weekend", 2093], ["emerge", 2113], ["emerging", 2113], ["town", 2150], ["wear", 2168], ["slinky", 2177], ["dress", 2183], ["dressest", 2183], ["impossibly", 2198], ["high", 2203], ["heel", 2209], ["heeled", 2209], ["heels", 2209], ["maybe", 2217], ["pair", 2249], ["pairs", 2249], ["wear", 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jenny wiped tears of laughter from her eyes . `` lord , it 's true enough . and she 'd know it too . what has she got , ian , eight boys ? '' `` aye , at least . i canna even remember all their names ; seemed like there was always a couple of macnabs about to hunt or fish or swim with , when jamie and i were younger . '' `` you grew up together ? '' jamie and ian exchanged wide , complicitous grins . `` oh , aye , we 're familiar , '' jamie said , laughing . `` ian 's father was the factor for lallybroch , like ian is now . on a number of occasions during my reckless youth , i 've found myself standing elbow to elbow with mr. murray there , explaining to one or other of our respective fathers how appearances can be deceiving , or failing that , why circumstances alter cases . '' `` and failin ' that , '' said ian , `` i 've found myself on the same number of occasions , bent over a fence rail alongside mr. fraser there , listenin ' to him yell his heid off while waitin ' for my own turn . '' replied jamie indignantly . `` i never yelled . '' `` ye call it what ye like , jamie , '' his friend answered , `` but ye were awful loud . '' `` ye could hear the both of ye for miles , '' jenny interjected . `` and not only the yelling . ye could hear jamie arguing all the time , right up to the fence . '' `` aye , ye should ha ' been a lawyer , jamie . but i dinna ken why i always let you do the talking , '' said ian , shaking his head . `` you always got us in worse trouble than we started . '' jamie began to laugh again . `` you mean the broch ? '' ian turned to me , motioning toward the west , where the ancient stone tower rose from the hill behind the house . `` one of jamie 's better arguments , that was , '' he said , rolling his eyes upward . `` he told brian it was uncivilized to use physical force in order to make your point of view prevail . corporal punishment was barbarous , he said , and old-fashioned , to boot . thrashing someone just because they had committed an act with whose ram-ramifications , that was it-with whose ramifications ye did n't agree was not at a ' a constructive form of punishment ... . '' all of us were laughing by this time . `` did brian listen to all of this ? '' `` i just stood there wi ' jamie , nodding whenever he 'd stop for breath . when jamie finally ran out of words , his father sort of coughed a bit and said 'i see . ' then he turned and looked out of the window for a little , swinging the strap and nodding his head , as though he were thinking . we were standing there , elbow to elbow like jamie said , sweating . at last brian turned about and told us to follow him to the stables . '' `` he gave us each a broom , a brush , and a bucket , and pointed us in the direction of the broch , '' said jamie , taking up the story . `` said i 'd convinced him of my point , so he 'd decided on a more 'constructive ' form of punishment . '' ian 's eyes rolled slowly up , as though following the rough stones of the broch upward . `` that tower rises sixty feet from the ground , '' he told me , `` and it 's thirty feet in diameter , wi ' three floors . '' `` we swept it from the top to the bottom , '' he said , `` and scrubbed it from the bottom to the top . it took five days , and i can taste rotted oat-straw when i cough , even now . '' `` and you tried to kill me on the third day , '' said jamie , `` for getting us into that . '' he touched his head gingerly . `` i had a wicked gash over my ear , where ye hit me wi ' the broom . '' `` oh , weel , '' ian said comfortably , `` that was when ye broke my nose the second time , so we were even . '' `` trust a murray to keep score , '' jamie said , shaking his head . `` let 's see , '' i said , counting on my fingers . `` according to you , frasers are stubborn , campbells are sneaky , mackenzies are charming but sly , and grahams are stupid . what 's the murrays ' distinguishing characteristic ? '' `` ye can count on them in a fight , '' said jamie and ian together , then laughed . `` ye can too , '' said jamie , recovering . `` you just hope they 're on your side . '' and both men went off into fits again .	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this way , men . '' leaning against the wall in the buffet car , blanche eyed randy as he brought two tiny plastic cups of coffee back from the bar . he looked harmless enough but you could never tell . perhaps she ought to karate chop him to the floor while she had the chance ? she drank her espresso , but it only made her more sleepy . `` i have to zit down , '' she told randy , pushing the empty cup into the bin . clucking sympathetically , he took her by the elbow , guided her into the adjoining carriage , and handed her into the first vacant pair of seats he found . blanche gave a sigh of relief as she sat down beside the window . it had been a long night and , so far , an exhausting morning . the man beside her shifted uncomfortably , fiddling with his phone , talking to his boss , `` yeah , two rows into the next carriage . no , im staying right here . no , looks like shes sleeping . blanche let her breath go , and imagined being back in bed with agent b . the comforting warmth of him , the passionate heat , all the different intensities and flavours hovered on her tongue , and the corners of her mouth twitched into a peaceful smile . beside her , randy gazed at her flawless skin . so what if her eyes were a little red and swollen ? he couldnt believe she was guilty . not the way she was sitting there , calmly sleeping like a little kitten . lex had definitely lost his touch on this one . she wasnt dangerous , guilty , or even capable of committing a crime , because if she were , she absolutely certainly would not murmur `` je taime '' in her sleep and snuggle her cheek into his shoulder . `` mon amour ! '' randy swallowed convulsively and flashed an agitated glance up and down the train . centimetre by centimetre he tilted his head until his cheek rested lightly on the top of her head . if he ever got lucky enough to have a woman like her , he thought , theres no way hed let her travel on the train alone . all kinds of bad stuff could happen to a girl alone on a train . he folded his jacket over her knees , breathed her scent deep into his body and wished she were dreaming of him . the train rushed onwards towards the border , hissing faintly as it thrust impatiently across the endless mud flats and penetrated the belgium countryside . on the horizon , rows of poplar trees turned somersaults across the fields , their lacy silhouettes in stark contrast to the silver grey sky behind them . inside the train , the heating rattled softly , the pleated curtains swayed cosily around the windows and the lights shone gold against the cold winter light outside . it was so warm and comfortable that suzie didnt wake up until they were nearly pulling into brussels , and then she wasnt sure where she was . she was cuddled up to someone but when she raised her heavy sleepy eyes to his face , it was a total stranger : stocky , balding and baby-faced . the train was slowing down to enter the station . they were sliding into it , the platform moving smoothly beside them . the doors lurched open with a protesting swish and dank brussels air wafted into the carriage , cutting through the cosy fog theyd brought with them from paris . she started up , blinking and licking her lips like a lap dog . `` if you 'd like to step this way , maam , '' said randy , standing up looking awkward and embarrassed in the aisle . he pulled her to her feet , and she ducked her head to see her reflection in the window . blanche 's sleek brown bob was rumpled and tangled . she ran her fingers through it and rubbed her face , partly to wake herself up , but mostly to get rid of the smudged makeup under her eyes . then she turned her collar up , and allowed her quivering companion to guide her off the train . she was formally arrested in a little side room just after the ticket barrier , initially by three different authorities on three different sets of charges . the belgian guy seemed to be pressing charges for having had too much sex , the frenchman appeared to be arresting her for having not had sex with him , and the americans were still reading a list of charges starting with espionage and ending with wearing heels on a tgv when the englishman gave her his home number and said that if she would unfold his ikea futon , he would willingly drop all charges . blanche started edging towards the door . it was definitely time to make a quiet exit . lex grabbed blanche 's arm in a bruising grip and jerked her away from the door . `` right , i 've had enough of this circus . rupert , call the centre . getta a car over here . oh , and randy . get these jokers outa here . '' stammered randy and saluted .	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`` lynette- '' `` i can not explain it , '' she blurted , before she lost her courage , `` but the bond i always felt with her is still here . '' her hand fisted over her heart . `` it has yet to be severed . w-why would it still be there i-if she is g-gone ? '' he exhaled wearily and smoothed her brow with callused fingertips , then followed with the press of his lips to her fevered skin . `` i fear your grief has invented hope where there is none . '' `` then lay it to rest , '' she pleaded . simon 's head went back and he gazed at the ceiling , as if looking for divine guidance . beneath her palm , she felt his heart beating steady and strong . for the first time since lysette passed , lynette felt as if she had a purpose and simon gave her the support she needed to pursue it . he asked finally , returning his gaze to her face . `` eavesdropping . '' `` i think solange champions you . she was describing your home in detail to my mother this afternoon . she was quite flattering in regards to your taste and wealth . '' a change came over him , a steely resolve taking hold with such tenacity it was tangible . `` from now onward , '' he directed resolutely , `` i want you to follow your mother 's admonishments to stay hidden . no more parties . no more outings . '' he cupped her face and reinforced the severity of his words by touch . `` whatever reasons your family may have for their discretion , you must add the risk of being seen by lysette rousseau or someone she works with or for . that can not happen , lynette . you trusted me when you came here . i need you to trust me when you leave , as well . '' `` she is an assassin . and i am not certain murder is the gravest of her crimes . '' `` mon dieu ... '' lynette shook violently , the chill starting from the inside and spreading outward to coat her skin with gooseflesh . her hand rose to his face , her quivering fingertips brushing over his sinner 's mouth . `` i am grateful to have your guidance . '' she drew strength from him and comfort . for the first time in two years she felt like herself . it was a precious gift and meeting simon had given it to her . `` a thiasce , '' he whispered , his eyes darkening . the only path on which i can guide you is one that leads you straight to hell . '' chapter 10 it was nearly midnight before simon found richard becking in a tavern in an undesirable part of town . the englishman was occupying a far corner of the room with a buxom serving wench on his lap and a singing frenchman to his right . richard himself was grinning from ear to ear and he lifted a hand in a wave when he spotted simon approaching . `` richard , '' simon greeted him , pulling out the only vacant chair at the table . he glanced at the seat , arched a brow , then laid his kerchief atop it before sitting . `` putting on airs , quinn ? '' richard laughed , as did the maid and the drunk , although simon doubted they 'd understood a word . `` i have recently come into financial difficulty , '' simon said , his mouth curving on one side . `` i ruined one set of garments last night . i can not afford to ruin another . '' `` fighting again ? '' simon studied becking closely , searching for any lasting ill-effects from his stay with desjardins . fortunately , there did not appear to be any . he was fit and trim , and maintained the understated genial appeal that enabled him to blend in anywhere . his brown hair and eyes were nondescript , his height and build unremarkable , his voice lacking any distinguishing qualities . in short , richard did not attract undue attention and people found him both innocuous and pleasant to associate with . richard kissed the maid on the cheek before shooing her off to refill his ale , then he tossed a coin at the frenchman and waved him away , too . `` how is it that you are suddenly lacking coin ? '' `` eddington has seized my accounts . '' simon 's fingertips drummed into the tabletop . `` stupidity on my part . i had no plans to return to england anytime soon . i should have cleared all my assets before departing . '' `` let that be a lesson to you , eh ? '' `` i can not believe he had the audacity to aggravate you in that manner . '' richard whistled and leaned into his spindle-backed chair . `` he must be desperate . quite frankly , i enjoy picturing eddington in that light . '' simon 's chuckle turned into a cough , the result of the tobacco smoke in the tavern aggravating lungs irritated by the smoke inhalation of the night before . `` when i returned to france with mademoiselle rousseau , i thought i would proceed with my life unencumbered .	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those days had been dreadful for all of them . annie had been furious with both her parents , but especially bethanne . if her father fell in love with another woman , it had to be her mother 's fault . bethanne was boring , annie decided . her mother 's whole world revolved around the house and the family and those dinner parties she put on for her father 's business associates . she 'd let herself go , too . her hair was too long and she did n't shop for herself often enough . in the weeks that followed , annie had done her utmost to bring her father home . she 'd cried and pleaded and told him she 'd make sure bethanne did whatever was necessary to make him happy . in retrospect , annie was embarrassed by her behavior . she understood now that nothing she 'd said had put a dent in his determination . what hurt the most was discovering that he did n't even want to talk to her anymore , although they 'd always been so close . annie was convinced it was all lovely tiffany 's fault . after she 'd finished blaming her mother , annie had turned her anger on the new woman in her father 's life . the divorce was completely her fault , and if annie could show her dad the truth about tiffany , grant would change his mind and come back to the family . annie had pulled some nasty tricks on the lovely tiffany , but they 'd backfired . the only thing her efforts had accomplished was to upset her father and widen the rift between them . with her mother a weakling and her father refusing to have anything to do with her , annie had nearly self-destructed . fortunately , andrew had stepped in and , with courtney 's help , gotten her away from the dangerous path she 'd chosen . `` you 're quiet all of a sudden , '' her mother whispered . not wanting to confess where her mind had wandered , annie said , `` i had a thought . '' `` funny one , mom . '' annie smiled into the dark . want to share that thought ? '' `` jason 's actually really nice . '' jason was more than nice ; she 'd probably try to keep this going , see where it went , although he lived in california and long-distance relationships were a drag . `` do you know what you 're going to tell vance ? '' `` vance should 've thought about being a third wheel when he agreed to go to europe with matt and jessie , '' she began . `` i 've got more to do with my life than give up a whole month just so he does n't feel lonely while he 's away . he had his chance and he blew it . '' `` but you 'd still like to be with him , would n't you ? '' `` yes , but for all the wrong reasons . '' `` i want to be with him because we 're comfortable together . but that is n't a good enough basis for uprooting my whole life . '' the more annie verbalized her thoughts , the more convinced she was that she 'd made the right decision . and the more she felt that pursuing a relationship with jason made sense . the very reason she 'd had doubts about him-the fact that he was n't vance-was now why she wanted to see where a connection between them might lead . `` can we go back to sleep now ? '' `` okay , '' annie said , but she did n't think she would . twenty-four they stayed in new orleans another day , and after a leisurely drive , got to vero beach late monday afternoon . bethanne had n't heard from max . she 'd toyed with the idea of contacting him , but had resisted . `` i ca n't believe how much everything 's changed , '' ruth kept repeating as they made their way into town . on the drive down route 60 , she 'd pointed left and right , shaking her head at what were once orange groves as far as the eye could see , but were now mostly housing developments and suburban sprawl . `` call royce , '' annie said when they reached their hotel and had unpacked . ruth paced the room , nervously rubbing her palms . she asked , looking at bethanne . `` i mean , so soon ? `` you said you would , '' bethanne reminded her . `` grandma , '' annie groaned . `` he 's waiting to hear from you . now call him ! '' annie commanded , gesturing at the room 's phone . ruth glanced uncertainly toward bethanne , who nodded her encouragement . `` okay ... i will , '' ruth declared , sounding more like a schoolgirl than a mature adult , `` but if this turns out badly , i 'll blame the two of you . '' she fixed them both with a shaky glare . `` it wo n't , i promise , '' annie said with utter confidence .	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which had quickly become a tiresome exercise . there was nothing to do to put off what was to come , and seemingly , nothing she could do to prepare for it . templetun had kept his word ; helen had been unable to persuade stephen to allow her to do anything about her odiferous state , refusing even to send up a bath . the man had been apologetic , had explained in pained tones that he wished he could - which she did n't doubt at all since he had had to suffer her stench - but , he had explained , templetun had ordered him to supply nothing but food and drink and to watch while she consumed it . a bath was out of the question . in the end , helen had asked to be shown to the master 's bedchamber so that she might look around . that request had , at least , been allowed , but not before stephen had examined the room . presumably to be sure there was nothing inside that might go against templetun 's orders . she had spent the rest of her time alone in this room , and she was not terribly impressed with what she found . hethe 's chambers were large , and they had obviously once been opulent , but everything in the bedchamber was now old , threadbare and screaming of neglect . it seemed very obvious to her that hethe did not spend much time here . indeed , poking about revealed that there was not one of the man 's personal items in the room . with nothing else to do but worry about what was to come , and fret over the fact that she was unable to make herself presentable enough that hethe might be gentle with her , helen had decided she would do better to lay down for a rest . she had laid on his large bed , wide awake and anxious until a servant came to ask if she wished to go below for the sup , or would wish a tray brought to her . helen had chosen the tray . it would have been nice to have company to distract her from her fretting , but she had not been willing to inflict herself on lord holden 's second or the rest of his people , and so she had eaten by herself . well , really she had been too nervous to eat , had merely pushed the food around . then she 'd spent the rest of her time pacing and waiting . now , she grimaced at the sight of her husband dismounting below . for a moment , she was overwhelmed by panic . she actually even peered around wildly , looking for someplace to hide or a way to escape . then she realized there was nowhere to run , and she forced herself to calm down and stop acting like a ninny . she was a grown-up woman . this was nothing of which to be so frightened . every woman went through this . at least , every woman who married . although she supposed they needed not fear it being quite as unpleasant as it was likely to be for her , especially since she had angered her husband repeatedly . that , along with her stench , would probably see her with a painful , ungreased pig . but , then , she had brought it on herself , and it would have all been over by now if she had not tried to put off her wedding night . it seemed that she had brought a lot down on herself lately . if she was the superstitious sort , she might think that someone had cursed her . if she believed god was the cruel , punishing deity of lord templetun 's beliefs , she might believe he really was punishing her for her disobedience . but helen knew that this was just pure and simple bad luck . she also believed she could do with some good luck about now , and perhaps it was time to start making her own . her aunt and ducky 's advice that morning came to mind . be `` amenable '' and `` try to encourage some gentler feeling '' in the man , her aunt had suggested . `` get nakd and jiggle , '' had been ducky 's advice . helen considered the matter briefly . she did n't think that she could manage the getting nakd part , at least not fully . but she could be amenable and encouraging . hethe mounted the stairs , growing angrier with every step he took . lord templetun had `` allowed '' him one drink , and one drink only , then had sent him up to bed like a child . hethe was not used to being ordered about so , and appreciated it even less in this instance . of course , this was all lady helen 's fault . if she had not gone yapping to the king 's man - hell , if she had n't gone and pulled that ridiculous stunt with the stinkweed - they would not be in this fix ! now , he was expected to make his way to his room and plow a field that reeked like a graveyard . aye , he was a poorly done-by man . what great sin had he ever committed to deserve this ?	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without additional education or refinement , they remained the same drooling idiots theyd always been , only stronger , faster drooling idiots . the thought of spending time in their company was debasing but necessary as he needed to locate and kill melissa as quickly as possible . he drove operating on the assumption that they might possess knowledge of her whereabouts . within ten minutes of leaving melissas house , he arrived at dr. terzini and gabriels former house . he sped down the winding , gravel-filled driveway and gaped at his nemesiss previous dwelling . the structure was stunning with elaborate , imposing architecture , more worthy of his inhabitance rather than gabriels . eugene felt resentment rise within him . he had deserved to live in such opulence , not gabriel for he was the rightful heir to humanity . unconsciously , he had begun to breathe in short , shallow pants , bitter indignation burning like bile in his throat . he wrestled with his vexation , knew it was necessary to dominate it long enough to obtain the information he desired from terzinis revitalized flunkies . eugene stepped out of the patrol car and strode to the entryway . he opened the unlocked front door and stepped across the threshold . he quickly scanned the room only to find kevin and his drudges seated on mistreated but clearly expensive furniture with cans of beer in their hands . the scent of marijuana filled the air along with a milky layer of smoke that clouded the area surrounding the couches . all three had been bruised and badly beaten . kevin sat with his leg elevated and a bag of frozen peas sat atop his knee . the display was contemptible . he did not move right away , rather he looked upon the pathetic humans with disgust . the three of them sat ingesting as much poison into their bodies as was possible . they had been cloned with additional strength and speed but without augmented cognitive capacity therefore they were as wretched as the rest of humankind , and a waste of his makers talent . his frustration began to mount . the three of them looked up shocked . their eyes , reddened and bleary from the alcohol and marijuana , widened . recognition registered on each drug-clouded face . there was no doubt in his mind they remembered him , remembered how he murdered them just five short months ago in the wooded area behind their school . he also detected a vague sense of comprehension flash across their dazed expressions , like it had just dawned on them that they had failed to fulfill that which they were ordered to carry out . his maker had recreated kevin , chris and john with one purpose : to root out and terminate both gabriel and melissa ; terzini had been emphatic when detailing his instructions to them . yet as far as he knew , both gabriel and melissa lived . eugene suppressed a wicked grin as he appreciated their confusion and attributed it to what they obviously perceived as his premature arrival . they had not yet showcased their incompetence to terzini , had no reason to anticipate his appearance , but now he stood before them glowering at their ineptitude , their futility . soon , however , shock was replaced with dread , and fear . he watched as each carotid artery began beating wildly on their respective necks . he began to smell their terror . he did not bother engaging in senseless platitudes . they were beyond small talk . he asked and expected to know who , if anyone , gabriel had aligned himself with . judging from their state of defeat , he guessed an army had stormed the once meticulously maintained house and surprised them . two , kevin replied meekly . eugene laughed . he enjoyed the low maleficent rumble that emanated from his body . that is disappointing , and pathetic , he hissed . the three of you were beaten by gabriel and another human im guessing . yes , a little asian guy , kevin said , the slightest hint of defensiveness modulating his tone of voice . there was someone else too , john added . did the girl beat you , too ? no way , of course not , kevin said as if the idea of a female was more absurd somehow that an unenhanced human . eugene erupted in thunderous laughter , a cruel deep sound that resonated through the house like mortar explosions . they each smiled and looked to each other nervously , laughing but not entirely sure why . he then stopped laughing abruptly and leveled his honey-colored eyes at them with contempt . he saw the color drain from kevins face and opened his mouth to speak . so , let me understand this , he growled . the three of you , all enhanced with additional strength and speed , were outdone by love-struck gabriel and a pint-sized asian guy ; is that correct ? and instead of going after them and attempting to redeem yourselves from this embarrassing failure , you are sitting around , smoking pot and drinking beers ! besides , i heard you were taken down by gabriel and a hundred-pound girl , chris sassed .	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as i recall , what he said is that all the frasers are stubborn as rocks , and you 're the worst of the lot . actually , '' i said , a little dryly , `` i 'd noticed something of the kind myself . '' he smiled as he reined the horse around a deep puddle in the road , leading mine by the checkrein after him . `` mmph , well , i 'll no just say dougal 's wrong , '' he said , once the hazard had been negotiated . `` but if i 'm stubborn , i come by it honest . my father was just the same , and we 'd get in wrangles from time to time that we couldna get out of without the application of force , usually wi ' me bent over the fence rail . '' suddenly , he put out a hand to grab my horse 's rein , as the beast reared and snorted . stad , mo dhu ! '' his own , less spooked , only jerked and tossed its head nervously . i could see nothing , despite the patches of moonlight that mottled road and field . there was a pine grove up ahead , and the horses seemed disinclined to go any nearer to it . mount your horse and hold mine . if i call to ye , drop the checkrein and run for it . '' jamie 's voice was low and casual , calming me as well as the horses . with a muttered `` sguir ! '' to the horse and a slap on the neck to urge it closer to me , he faded into the heather , hand on his dirk . i strained eyes and ears to discern whatever it was still troubling the horses ; they shifted and stamped , ears and tails twitching in agitation . the clouds by now had shredded and flown on the nightwind , leaving only scattered trails across the face of a brilliant half moon . in spite of the brightness , i could see nothing on the road ahead , or in the menacing grove . it seemed a late hour and an unprofitable road for highwaymen , scarce as these were anywhere in the highlands ; there were too few travelers to make an ambush worthwhile . the grove was dark , but not still . the pines roared softly to themselves , millions of needles scouring in the wind . very ancient trees , pines , and eerie in the gloom . gymnosperms , cone-bearers , winged-seed scatterers , older and sterner by far than the soft-leaved , frail-limbed oaks and aspens . a suitable home for rupert 's ghosts and evil spirits . only you , i thought crossly to myself , could work yourself up into being afraid of a lot of trees . where was jamie , though ? the hand gripping my thigh made me squeak like a startled bat ; a natural consequence of trying to scream with your heart in your mouth . with the unreasonable fury of the irrationally afraid , i struck out at him , kicking him in the chest . `` hush , '' he said , `` come with me . '' tugging me unceremoniously from the saddle , he swung me down and hastily tethered the horses , who whickered uneasily after us as he led me into the tall grass . i hissed , stumbling blindly over roots and rocks . look down and watch my feet . step where i step , and stop when i touch you . '' slowly and more or less silently , we made our way into the edges of the pine grove . it was dark under the trees , with only crumbs of light falling through to the needle litter underfoot . even jamie could n't walk silently on that , but the rustle of dry needles was lost in that of the green ones overhead . there was a rift in the litter , a mass of granite rising from the forest floor . here jamie put me in front of him , guiding my hands and feet to climb the sloping crumble of the mound . at the top , there was enough room to lie belly-flat , side by side . jamie put his mouth next to my ear , barely breathing . `` thirty feet ahead , to the right . in the clearing . once i saw them , i could hear as well . wolves , a small pack , eight or ten animals , perhaps . no howling , not these . the kill lay in the shadow , a blob of dark with an upthrust leg , stick-thin and vibrating under the impact of teeth yanking at the carcass . there was only the occasional soft growl and yip as a cub was batted away from an adult 's morsel , and the contented sounds of feeding , crunching , and the crack of a bone . as my eyes grew more accustomed to the moon-flecked scene , i could pick out several shaggy forms stretched under the trees , glutted and peaceful . bits of grey fur shone here and there , as those still at the carcass pushed and rooted for tender bits overlooked by the earlier diners .	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`` i just did n't think anything was going to come out of it . '' madison stared at her , nose wrinkled in concentration . `` god , are you ready for all of this , bridget ? it 's going to be insane . people are going to start following you around . i can pretend to be your assistant ! '' `` and we can double date . '' oh , dear ... `` and chad always comes to the daniels family christmas dinner extravaganza , which you never come to even though i 've invited you every year , you hooch . '' madison clamped her hands together . `` now you ca n't get out of it . '' she so was n't a fan of the holidays , and honestly , it hurt to see madison making happy plans . she was going to be so disappointed when , at the beginning of the year , chad and bridget went their separate ways . madison finally settled down , and bridget opted to eat in for lunch . she was half afraid to visit any of the local joints . just before three in the afternoon , their office door opened and a delivery guy stood there , awkwardly carrying four dozen red roses . four dozen roses . last night must 've been amazing for chase to send madison an arrangement like that . bridget went back to staring at her computer screen . she needed to e-mail the catering company if they had n't gotten a definite amount back for the- `` is there a bridget rodgers here ? '' lifting her chin , her gaze landed on the flower guy . confused , she glanced over at a grinning madison . `` um , that 's me . '' the man smiled as he moved toward her desk . she hastily cleared off a little section on the corner . `` someone must really love you , '' the man said , placing the vase down . bridget stared at the delivery guy as he strode out of her office , and then her gaze fell back to the roses . holy crap ... miss gore must 've ordered them or made chad do it . that could be the only reason why they were for her , but they ... they were beautiful . she looked up , barely able to see madison from behind the forest of stems . there was a card , tucked neatly between a dewy green stem and baby 's breath . very carefully , she pulled the card out and slid open the little envelope . written in pretty calligraphy was a short message that might not have told why the flowers were sent but definitely who had sent them . i 'm still very relevant . as she stared at the little card , there was no fighting the slow smile that crept over her face . he was still relevant . ... after getting an earful from chase about `` dating '' his woman 's good friend and then putting up with chandler 's snide-ass comments about going the way of every guy around them and settling down , chad was ready to bang his head through the wall when his cell went off . expecting the hourly check-in from miss gore , because who knew what kind of trouble he could get into in his own apartment , he swiped the cell off his kitchen counter . the text was n't from his babysitter . oh , no , it was bridget . his publicist all but forced them to exchange numbers before they went out to dinner . about two seconds later another text came through . still not relevant , though . a smile hit his lips , and it was a good thing his brothers had left by then because he was sure he looked like a dumbass . he liked her response-a lot-and he also liked that she did n't text like a sixteen-year-old girl . like most of the women he hung out with . chad put the phone back on the counter and went to the fridge , grabbing the chicken he 'd marinated earlier . dumping it on the foreman grill , he poked the br**sts around with a fork until they were placed perfectly in the middle . juices sizzled . and then he glanced over the counter at his phone . he turned back to the counter and tossed the fork onto the countertop . rocking back on his heels , he stared at the grill . `` hell , '' he muttered , spinning toward his phone . picking it up , he tapped the screen and stared at the message . there were no plans tonight , but tomorrow was supposed to be a movie . he had n't gone to a theatre since he was in high school . movie premieres not included . technically , he had no reason to be in contact with bridget , since this was kind of like a day off . and he really had n't had a reason for sending her flowers other than ... he 'd wanted to . okay , there was more to it . turning around , he leaned against the counter and stretched out the kink in his neck . it was n't because of the kiss they 'd shared .	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he was crossing the quad when he heard her name mentioned by a pair of coeds going in the opposite direction . `` ... speaker today . melanie parker . she 's bringing historical costumes . she 's supposed to be really entertaining . '' kevin spun around and trailed the girls . melanie parker is speaking on campus today ? '' `` well , i do n't think it 's open . '' the coed flushed . `` i guess you 're not a student , are you ? '' `` no , i 'm an instructor here . '' `` well , she 's talking to my class . '' `` and which class would that be ? '' he spoke with eroding patience . world history 102 . '' he extracted the remaining details from her . time , building , classroom . he 'd have to cancel one meeting , but to hell with it . jason bernard was trying to plea-bargain for a higher grade than he 'd earned last quarter , but kevin had already turned in his grades , and even if he had n't , he would n't have changed jason 's . at two o'clock , he strolled into the back of one of the auditorium-style classrooms , where the larger survey classes were held . students were still settling into seats and whispering . up front , melanie was laying out garments , presumably so that she could reach them easily later . the moment he saw her , he felt pleasure and relief and frustration . why did this one woman exert such a pull ? her hands were slim , quick-moving , competent , her neck long and graceful . her every move was sure , contained ; she did n't toss her hair or laugh or fidget when nervous . she had a quality of ... stillness , or perhaps , serenity . solved , kevin thought wryly : the mystery of why she attracted him so greatly . in her very being , melanie possessed the one quality he had spent his life seeking . he made his way down the side of the auditorium until he found a pillar where he could lean inconspicuously but was close enough to see and hear her well . she never did spot him as she gave a forty-five-minute presentation that held the students enthralled . her point , not surprisingly , was that fashion reflected both culture and life on a nitty-gritty level . she stripped to a hideous undergarment , causing a stir in the auditorium , and had two girls from the front row manhandle her into a corset and tie it tightly enough to create the wisp of a waist victorians sought . then she showed how the corset and hoops affected her mobility , how , in essence , the garments forced her to behave with the propriety considered the ideal . the fingerless gloves often seen in photos were to keep hands warm in inadequately heated houses , she told them , describing how the lower classes who did have to work dressed . kevin found her talk as fascinating as the students apparently did . creating halloween costumes was the least of her skills , he saw . he imagined her taking her show on the road , perhaps filming educational videos , creating similar presentations on ancient greece or egypt or the druids . it would n't matter so much then if she had a home base ... . kevin was honest enough with himself to recognize when he was being self-serving . yeah , if she agreed to marry him and he went back to the park service or took up another essentially nomadic career , he and she could talk about ways she could refocus what she did . but do n't kid yourself , he thought grimly ; melanie likes her life here . she was not going to jump at the idea of doing presentations around the country and announce that really she wanted to sell her house and hit the road . he waited until the professor 's offer to help her pack up had been refused , until the last students were exiting the auditorium . melanie started , a pair of lace fingerless gloves dropping from her hands . you were here ? '' he could n't tell if she was happy to see him or dismayed . `` saw the whole performance . '' pink suffusing her cheeks , she bent her head and went back to packing the victorian garments into suitcases . `` do you think the students got anything out of it ? '' `` you brought history alive , '' kevin said , meaning it . `` they learned more today than they will the rest of the quarter . '' she stole a glance at him . melanie did n't look up this time . `` for not being honest . '' he moved restlessly , not liking the feeling of being in the wrong . `` without thinking it through , i knew you preferred the idea of my being settled here in elk springs , being a college instructor , instead of on temporary leave from the park service . so ... there were things i did n't say . '' she carefully folded a black gown . `` that 's what you 're on ? temporary leave ? 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mark poured himself a double shot of whiskey and enjoyed the burning sensation as it slid down his throat and burned its way to his gut . `` thank you guys , we 'll get this solved immediately , '' he said to everyone . emily walked into the room just then and her eyes widened at the large crowd before her . she did n't have time to say anything though because jessica and amy ran up to her and wrapped her in a group hug . `` we are so sorry someone is trying to scare you , '' amy said . `` we 'll never let anything happen to you , '' jessica added . the three women stood together . they wiped a few tears and then quickly laughed , feeling secure as a unit . they 'd already formed a bond stronger than most sisters . the guys crept back from them as if they were contagious . they did n't know how to deal with women emotions . `` women , '' alex whispered . `` yeah , i know , '' lucas said . `` i do n't get them , '' mark added . `` seriously , guys kill the problem while girls are always crying but that 's why we have to be there to protect them , '' joseph piped in . all four men shook their heads in unison while heading to the barn to start discussing safety measures on the property . they did n't have a clue one person was watching them the entire time . one person they would 've never even thought about suspecting . chapter six the next couple of days flew by with no more incidents . no one let emily get out of their sight . she was beginning to feel a bit claustrophobic . she had been staying almost nightly in mark 's room , so he moved all her things in there , making it more permanent . mark explained it was safer for her to stay with him and with all the extra house guests they needed her room anyway . she was scared it was going to affect trevor but he did n't even seem to notice anything was unusual about the situation . mark and emily made love each night and her worry seemed to fade away into nothingness . she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt she was in love with mark and if he were to grow bored with her , she would fall to pieces . she was in the very situation she 'd tried so hard to avoid . how could she not love him when he was so caring about her and treated her son like he was his own ? the rest of his family treated her and trevor as if they were a part of their family as well . she choked up the first time jasmine called her aunt emily but was starting to get used to it . she found she really liked how it sounded . she was sitting out on the back deck , when a huge guy with short dark hair and aviator glasses stepped out the door . the man was built like a sherman tank . she would n't want to be on his bad side , she decided quickly . `` chad , you made it , '' mark exclaimed , as he came around the corner . `` sorry i could n't get here sooner , '' chad replied and then the two men headed into the house . emily had heard about mark 's longtime friend . she decided they must put something special in the food around this area because all the men seemed to be far too sexy for any normal person 's good . `` okay chad i want the guys to think you 're a new hire . luckily you 've been out of the country long enough only my foreman knows who you are and i already filled him in on what 's going on , so he wo n't say a word . you 're going to get far more information if the guys think you are one of them . i 'm sorry you 're going to have to sleep in the bunk house , '' he added with an evil grin . `` yeah , you look sorry about that , '' chad said . `` good thing i 've slept in much worse places . '' `` yeah , i kind of wish it was a little rougher out there , '' mark continued . `` you 're a peach . well i better get changed . i want to check things out right away . the sooner we make sure your emily 's safe , the sooner everyone can relax . '' `` i appreciate you dropping everything to do this . she 's the one , chad . i 've never felt this way about another woman , '' mark said to his friend . `` i knew the second we spoke on the phone she was the one , '' chad told him , before heading off to change into some less conspicuous clothing . he was going to have a hard enough time blending in with his size and demeanor but add the clothes he was currently wearing and the man looked like the military man he was . chad changed quickly and headed down to the bunkhouses where the ranch foreman was . he was alert to everything around him . he noticed the men working on the fence off to his right and the guy to his left feeding the horses . he was n't an easy man to sneak around .	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word had spread from the other young ladies whod already entered dullahans that the stoic , serious dante was actually wearing a santa hat and a red bow tie . dullahans clientele seemed to be aware that dante was not like gilebert and would not be the type to take his shirt off . they all seemed pretty surprised that dante was even wearing a santa hat with a fuzzy white ball on the end . and they were definitely pleased by it - if their reaction was anything to go by . the female clients of dullahans were snapping photos of dante with their smart phones and others were taking photos of themselves with dante in the background . the girls were making such a fuss about it that joan decided to go inside and take a quick look for herself . joan entered dullahans and her green eyes went to the bar where dante was standing behind the bar and showing off his bartending skills by preparing several festive cocktails all at once . the green and red tinted glasses were decorated with mini candy canes , maraschino cherries , and other tiny , festive , plastic decorations like mini santas and reindeer . the christmas cocktails looked amazing . like tiny works of art . as dante poured the mixed drinks into a row of glasses the girls all cheered loudly for the handsome bartender . merry christmas dante ! eeee , he looks so cute in that hat ! i cant believe hes wearing it ! there was a faint pink tinge to dantes cheeks as he let the womens comments wash over him . joan wondered if he were actually embarrassed by all of the attention . she had to admit though the stoic demon sort of lookedadorable in that hat . thank you , alan . dante could feel joans eyes upon him . and now to show joan that im the opposite of useless . dante thought to himself as he set out ten shot glasses in a row down the bar . this drink works on the oil and water principle , each of these liquids has a different density . dante grabbed a shaker , and a bottle of grenadine . he poured the grenadine into the shaker and then added a few cubes of ice . after that he grabbed the sweat and sour and added some to the shaker before adding a few more cubes of ice . then he added orange juice , and after that vodka . now was the tricky part . the blue curasaos density caused it to sink , so once added it was a race to start pouring . dante added the blue curasao along the rim and put a strainer on top of the tin . he immediately began to pour the shots one after the other . the first shot was blue , the one after that green , the one after that yellow , and the ones after that were varying shades of yellow . the shots got darker in color and became orange . the last shots were pink and the very last one dark red . ooo awesome ! rainbow shots ! you the man dante ! various patrons cheered . joan was having a hard time not smiling . okay , dante , ill admit , that was pretty cool . came kims teasing voice from beside her . joan jumped and turned to her friend in surprise . i dont like dante . she immediately refuted . i think you may even be in love with him . ive never seen you so hung up on a guy before . your eyes follow him all the time . joan immediately objected , but she couldnt help but wonder if kims words were true . did her eyes follow dante ? she wondered if he noticed . that would be incredibly embarrassing . joan and kim switched to waitressing tables inside of the pub now that it was full . around five oclock pm carmen entered the pub , made her way over to the piano , and began to perform more holiday favorites . dullahans was once again packed . alan smiled goofily to himself at the observation . if he didnt know any better hed say hed won the challenge gilebert had given him . and hed won it with the costumes hed made . although the outfit hed designed for kim hadnt worked out . instead hed accidentally gotten kim really mad at him . alan frowned at the remembrance . and somehow hed unwittingly insulted her . he hadnt meant to do that at all . now kim thought that he considered her a slut . so in a way maybe hed lost the challenge to gilebert after all . he just wanted kim to be happy . kim felt a heated gaze on her and turned to catch alan staring at her . her brows rose and alan blushed before quickly turning away from kim . he was clearly flustered that hed been caught staring at her . alan ran right smack into the santa doll and fell on top of it with a crash . kim quickly made her way over to his side . alan groaned , and didnt want to raise his head to look at kim . kim helped alan to stand . kim i- alan began , however- well , look what we have here ? came a drawling , french accented voice . its gilebert !	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they stood face to face in the middle of the street , her startled eyes looking up into his , silently pleading for him to stop whatever he was doing . he cupped her face in his hands and dipped his chin . their lips hovered inches apart as his eyes ravished her features , spellbound by something he was at a loss to explain . her eyes glittered with heat , making them glow . he licked his lips , ignoring the way his heart was pounding against his ribcage . when she took a step back he pulled her close and brought his mouth down onto hers , forcefully kissing her with a needful passion that refused to be denied . a soft whimper escaped through her nose from somewhere deep down inside . her arms spread out into the air for balance as he took what he so desperately desired . his lips pressed against hers with fervor , sucking and caressing , moving from top to bottom . she pushed against his shoulders , trying to resist with little resolve . he kissed her harder and her hands gradually relented , wrapping around his neck and pulling him in . she shut her eyes and sent her warm tongue slipping through his lips . stars exploded behind his eyelids , lighting up the darkness like the fourth of july . headlights swerved around them , the drivers ' angry horns falling on deaf ears . their lips probed each other like they had met before , pulling and pressing with a familiar repose . they were the only two people on earth and time had definitely stopped . they broke the kiss to catch their racing breath . dean 's chest rose and fell beneath his black button down as he stared into her star-crossed eyes . her hand slid down his rounded shoulder and pressed into his chest , accepting his heart beat into her open palm , the rapid hammering telling her something words could not . she melted into his eyes , unable to utter a single sound , let alone an entire word . `` we should probably get out of the street , '' he panted . she grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled his lips to hers , pouring gasoline on the fire inside his pants . their firm embrace was greedy and relentless . he cupped the curves hiding inside her tight jeans and pulled her body against his , pressing his groin against her stomach . her eyes widened as his hardness stole her breath . a cop car stopped in the street and splashed them with red and blue , adding to their dream-like state . evy 's mouth breathed sweet air into him that he would surely die without . their heads rocked back and forth as she emptied her life force into him with reckless abandon . a screaming siren punctured the night with a double beep . `` getouttathegoddamnstreet ! '' a man squawked over a pa system in a continuous string , jerking them from their trance . dean turned and raised a hand to the cop , leading evy across the street by the hand . they hopped up onto the sidewalk and began back-tracking their course to sugars in a stunned silence , both trying to come to grips with what had just happened . his mind raced nearly as fast as his pulse . he glanced over at evy to make sure she was real . she looked up and smiled , confirming her validity with swollen red lips . he squeezed her hand , refusing to let it go for anything in the world . she squeezed back and giggled softly . dean laughed with her , sucking in massive gulps of air that tasted like cotton candy . everything was brighter and more vibrant than ever before . they passed massive flower pots dotting the downtown sidewalks , their petals in full bloom , just like his heart . soft jazz floated from a set of open double doors with a big black guy standing guard outside . he nodded at them and smiled brightly , catching a small taste of their magical aura . whatever they had just discovered between them was as infectious as a bad case of the giggles . evy studied dean through thoughtful eyes . his gaze swept over to her as they crossed another street . `` i think a tanker truck or something exploded . '' she clapped a hand over her beating heart , a practice he had already grown to love . `` that was ... '' `` perfect , '' he muttered , finishing her sentence for her . two younger girls , drunkenly walking arm in arm in skintight dresses and high heels , smiled warmly and said hello as they passed by . whatever it was , others could see it in their faces . evy and dean continued walking , their shoes floating above the ground . they were at least two feet taller than everyone else , walking on air . she glanced up at his strong profile and squeezed his hand , simultaneously signaling her surrender and his victory with one simple gesture . `` you 're not from this planet , are you ? '' i 'm not the one with white wings and flowers in her hair ? '' he yanked her to a stop and turned to face her . `` you are the most beautiful thing i have ever seen . '' a bashful smile graced her lips . `` but this time i mean it . 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`` that 's my favorite bookstore . i just want to grab a book . '' because asher does n't own enough books . i sat up front this time , as opposed to the backseat when jeremy first drove asher and i to the landseer estate . i rolled my eyes at jeremy as he rolled his eyes at me . `` it 's a different experience looking through a bookstore . it 's not the same if you already own the book . buying a new book is exciting . '' `` technically you do n't own the books in asher 's library , '' jeremy said as a point of fact . that 's not even it , '' i said . we can stop here , but do n't take forever . i know your type , you book people . wandering through aisles of shelves for hours and then you forget what you were even doing beforehand . we have stuff to do today . `` yes , sir , '' i said , offering him a disingenuous salute . `` do n't you sass me , girl . '' i 'll introduce you to the owner . he 's very nice . '' `` you have a cracked idea of fun , '' jeremy said . then he softened . `` yeah , let me park the car and then i 'll be right in . have to make sure you do n't take forever , right ? '' jeremy let me out in front of the independent bookshop we 'd been idling in front of forever . i waltzed towards the entryway , feeling light and springy , then swung open the door and walked inside . robert , the owner , was n't behind the counter , but that was n't too strange . sometimes he did things in the back , or went around re-organizing the shelves . i 'd see him soon , no doubt . i headed directly to my favorite section . it was n't exactly my section , but it might as well be . robert had it set up with books he thought i 'd like , and he said that since he 'd done it he 'd seen an increase in sales . i did n't know if he was just being nice , or if his other customers really enjoyed my choice in books , but it was neat to have a section somewhat of my own . literary fiction , with some romance . i liked historical and contemporary , and sometimes fantasy ones . i really enjoyed elizabeth haydon , but she had n't written a new book in forever . the occasional science fiction book was good , too , like dune , but i was n't too into the genre as a whole . unfortunately the shelves that usually contained the books in my section were empty . some books lay in stacks nearby , presumably left there from some planned redesign of the shelves . this was both exciting and upsetting . i looked forward to seeing what robert might change , and had a few suggestions for him , but that did n't help me right now . i sifted through one of the nearby stacks just in case i found something new and interesting . i did n't , but it was nice to catch up on old books i 'd read . i remembered the ideas in them , and the thoughts i had while reading them , like a memory within a memory . yes , this one , a glen cook book i did n't actually think i 'd like , but enjoyed very much . i 'd taken it with me in the bath and read amidst bubbles . when the fantasy army started fighting off their magical enemies , i turned the hot water on to fix the temperature of my lukewarm bathwater . it was fun to remember things like that . i moved to a table with more stacks , planning to check through them , too . i stopped before i started , though , feeling odd . something ... oh , yes . nearby was the curtained off doorway to the local book club 's meeting room . and people were talking behind the curtain . nothing too strange , except it was a bit early for a book club meeting . sometimes they did lunchtime ones for people who had long lunches , but still , it was barely past ten . when i listened further , it did n't sound like any book discussion i 'd ever heard , either . `` you have to understand , '' a man said , `` we need to tread carefully here . it 's not something we can enter into lightly . '' he sounded familiar somehow , but i could n't quite place it . figure out some plan . do you know what he did last night ? he brought home some woman . he plans to have her act as a mother where i ca n't . i keep having to lie to him , and i 'm tired of it . do you know how much of a nuisance it was to pay off the doctor to say i was ... '' `` shh , '' the man said . `` the owner of the store is here . '' and , if not , what of it ? do you think anyone will believe someone like him ?	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when i said i wanted you to stayit wasnt because i thought i could get you into bed . it was becausebecause i care about you . and i you cant care about me . now i thought you were gon na let me finish . she clamped her lips together , crossed her arms over her chest and waited . i dont know you very well , thats true enough . the point is , i want to know you . i like being with you , chelsea . i like spending time with you and i like the way i feel when im near you . she stared at him , sure there was a punch line coming . but there didnt seem to be one imminent . his eyes were intense and so damned sincere that he almost had her believing this bull . howhow do you feel when youre near me ? she asked , surprised to find her voice had gone whispery soft . he shook his head , his gaze turning inward . i dont knowlikelike maybe im more than just a stand-in parent to the kids . like maybe im more than just the guy everybody brings their troubles to . more than just a small-town sheriff . i feeli feel like a man . a flesh-and-blood man . i feelalive . she drew a deep breath and told herself his sweet talk wasnt working on her . then she denied that her stomach had gone queasy at his words , or that her pulse was pounding in her temples . and that little shiver up her spine had certainly never happened . thats lust , she told him . i know lust , chelsea brennan . i havent lived like a monk , you know . he let his gaze roam down her body , but quickly jerked it back up to her eyes . its lust . i wont deny that i want you . but its more than that , too . theres something happening here , and i want to find out what it is , because its something ive never felt before . look , i dont think i want to hear any more of this right now . she nodded , because she knew there was nothing she could do to keep herself from thinking about it . hadnt he told her he didnt know the kinds of pretty words that could make a woman go soft inside ? well , for someone who didnt know them , he was doing a pretty good job of reciting them all . now that thats settled , will you join me for dinner ? the guy was full of them . the ointment helped , garrett , but im still too sore to go out . thats why were having dinner here . i thought everyone had already eaten . she scowled at him , growing suspicious all over again . theres a big shebang in town tonight . memorial day lasts all week around here . dancing and fireworks . jessi took ethan along . chelsea felt her eyes widen . shes telling people hes our cousin , visiting from oklahoma with his family . everyone knows there are brands all over the country . so what do you say , chelsea ? panic made her throat go dry . and just so you know , under no circumstances am i going to lay a hand on you tonight . i just want to spend some time . i promise , thats all . she was alone in this house with him . she ought to be bounding out of this bed right now and running away from him . instead , she was lying here , thinking about how much she could enjoy an evening in his company . all right , she heard herself say . b-but i still have to leave tomorrow . you can make that decision tomorrow , he told her . then he rose slowly from the edge of the bed without touching her . just come downstairs whenever youre ready . she nodded and watched him as he left the room , closing the door gently behind him . oh , god , this was not what shed expected . never in her life had she thought any man would care enough to try so hard to work his way past her defenses . she didnt know how to deal with this . she didnt want a man in her life . all right , so shed just explain that to him . he could be prince charming , shed tell him , but it still wouldnt matter . shed made a decision never to fall in love with a man , and it was a decision she was going to stick to . and if it hurt garretts feelings , then that wasnt her fault . garrett closed the bedroom door , leaned back against it and wiped the beads of sweat from his forehead . dammit , but hed never felt more like a schoolboy than he did right now . and the scariest part of the entire experiment was that it had worked ! he pulled the index cards from his pocket , scanning the lines quickly to be sure hed covered everything . never felt like this beforelike the way i feel when im with youmore than just a small-town sheriff . yup , hed covered everything jessi had written down . and tossed in some of his own lines to boot .	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for him , the memory of their daughter was already becoming a treasured family heirloom that you put on a high shelf , behind a case of glass , and took down once or twice a year , at birthdays or christmas . you could n't handle it too roughly or too often for fear it would break . it was n't like that for her . she saw blank spaces everywhere-in an unused chair at the dinner table , in teen magazines that came addressed to mia farraday , in clothes left in a hamper . mostly , she saw mia in zach , and it was unbearable . on good days , she could smile at her son , but there were so few good days ; and on black days , when she could n't get out of bed , she lay there thinking what a shitty mother she 'd become . by the middle of august , she 'd stopped doing almost everything . she had to remind herself to shower and wash her hair . the only time she even got out of bed was to welcome her husband home , and she saw the sadness in miles 's eyes when he looked at her then . she knew she was depressed . miles kept asking her to `` see someone . '' he did n't understand how deep this new darkness in her ran and how afraid she was to let go of it . she did n't want to get better . really , she just wanted to be left alone . on the rare day when she even thought about trying , she told herself that zach needed her , that miles needed her , that she 'd always thought of herself as a strong woman , but the words were like snapshots found in a drawer that showed a stranger 's life . impossible to care about . now , she and miles were out on the back patio , pretending to be the couple they 'd been before . miles was in the lounge chair beside her , with his feet stretched out . in his lap lay an open newspaper , but she knew he was n't really reading it . they all tended to avoid the news these days ; there was always a story about drunk driving somewhere within the pages . she felt him looking at her , but she did n't meet his gaze . instead , she counted the minutes until she could make some excuse and go back to bed . she was holding mia 's unset , unfinished ring in her hand . she did that a lot lately , just held it . `` you should put that away , '' miles said . there was a taint of irritation in his voice that had become familiar . `` and go on , '' jude said . `` this ca n't continue , '' he said , raising his voice . she was startled by the volume . `` save your surgeon voice for people who work for you . '' `` you 're letting it drown you . `` our daughter 's death . so what , i 'm overreacting ? how disappointing for you . '' miles tightened his jaw . i 'm not going to let you turn me into the bad guy who did n't love mia enough because i can still somehow love my son and my wife . you need to start . '' forgetting her ? '' `` letting go . it 's not healthy to keep hanging on to her . zach needs you . the real point . you miss your wife , so i better toe the line . '' `` damn it , jude , you know that 's not what i 'm saying . i 'm afraid we 're going to lose us . '' somewhere deep inside , she felt the sting of that , and the truth of it . she experienced a rare desire to explain , to try to make him understand . `` i went to safeway last night . i thought no one would be there . i wandered around the aisles , just looking at stuff . when i ended up at the check stand , i had four tomatoes and ten boxes of lucky charms . the cashier said , 'wow , you must have a lot of kids . ' i stared at her and thought , how many kids do i have ? what do i say to people ? one now ? i ran out without paying . how about if i get some of it from you and you just back off ? '' `` i do n't know how to back off . i 'm scared as hell you 're going to fill up your pockets with rocks and walk out into the water one day , like that stupid movie we saw . '' `` all right , jude . i 'm going to get us started . '' he walked toward the sliding pocket doors and went into the house . she let out a relieved sigh and sank back into the chair . that was how all of their conversations seemed to go lately . miles storming off or walking away or trying to cure her with a hug . none of it meant much to her . she stared down at mia 's stoneless ring , seeing the way the sunlight glanced off the prongs . she knew what miles was going to do to `` help '' her . it was something he 'd mentioned often . you ca n't keep putting it off , he 'd say . as if grief were a train that needed to stay on schedule .	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["deep", 1092], ["deeply", 1092], ["new", 1101], ["darkness", 1110], ["run", 1121], ["ran", 1121], ["afraid", 1136], ["let", 1151], ["lets", 1151], ["go", 1154], ["goest", 1154], ["well", 1193], ["wells", 1193], ["really", 1202], ["alone", 1237], ["rare", 1251], ["day", 1255], ["think", 1277], ["thinkest", 1277], ["thought", 1277], ["try", 1290], ["tryed", 1290], ["trying", 1290], ["tell", 1301], ["told", 1301], ["need", 1326], ["needest", 1326], ["needed", 1326], ["always", 1375], ["strong", 1406], ["woman", 1412], ["womans", 1412], ["word", 1428], ["words", 1428], ["snapshot", 1448], ["snapshots", 1448], ["find", 1454], ["found", 1454], ["drawer", 1466], ["show", 1478], ["showed", 1478], ["stranger", 1489], ["life", 1497], ["lifes", 1497], ["impossible", 1510], ["care", 1518], ["back", 1567], ["patio", 1573], ["pretend", 1586], ["pretendest", 1586], ["pretending", 1586], ["couple", 1603], ["lounge", 1649], ["lounges", 1649], ["beside", 1662], ["foot", 1682], ["feet", 1682], ["stretch", 1692], ["stretched", 1692], ["lap", 1709], ["laps", 1709], ["lapping", 1709], ["open", 1721], ["newspaper", 1731], ["read", 1772], ["reads", 1772], ["reading", 1772], ["tend", 1793], ["tended", 1793], ["avoid", 1802], ["news", 1811], ["newses", 1811], ["story", 1849], ["drunk", 1861], ["driving", 1869], ["somewhere", 1879], ["within", 1886], ["page", 1896], ["pages", 1896], ["feel", 1907], ["felt", 1907], ["look", 1919], ["looking", 1919], ["meet", 1949], ["meeted", 1949], ["gaze", 1958], ["gazes", 1958], ["instead", 1968], ["count", 1982], ["countest", 1982], ["counted", 1982], ["minute", 1994], ["minutes", 1994], ["excuse", 2027], ["hold", 2064], ["holding", 2064], ["unset", 2077], ["unfinished", 2090], ["rung", 2095], ["rang", 2095], ["ring", 2095], ["hand", 2107], ["lot", 2128], ["lately", 2135], ["hold", 2147], ["held", 2147], ["away", 2180], ["say", 2196], ["sayest", 2196], ["said", 2196], ["taint", 2216], ["tainting", 2216], ["irritation", 2230], ["voice", 2243], ["familiar", 2268], ["jude", 2293], ["ca", 2311], ["cas", 2311], ["continue", 2324], ["raise", 2347], ["raising", 2347], ["startle", 2376], ["startled", 2376], ["volume", 2390], ["volumed", 2390], ["save", 2400], ["surgeon", 2413], ["people", 2430], ["work", 2439], ["wrought", 2439], ["let", 2471], ["lets", 2471], ["letting", 2471], ["drown", 2480], ["drowns", 2480], ["death", 2511], ["disappointing", 2561], ["tighten", 2590], ["tightens", 2590], ["tightenest", 2590], ["tightened", 2590], ["jaw", 2598], ["jaws", 2598], ["jawed", 2598], ["jawest", 2598], ["go", 2615], ["goest", 2615], ["going", 2615], ["turn", 2631], ["bad", 2647], ["guy", 2651], ["love", 2668], ["enough", 2679], ["still", 2699], ["somehow", 2707], ["wife", 2731], ["need", 2742], ["needest", 2742], ["start", 2751], ["forget", 2767], ["forgot", 2767], ["forgetting", 2767], ["healthy", 2810], ["keep", 2818], ["keepest", 2818], ["hung", 2826], ["hang", 2826], ["hangs", 2826], ["hanging", 2826], ["need", 2849], ["needest", 2849], ["needs", 2849], ["reis", 2864], ["real", 2864], ["point", 2870], ["miss", 2881], ["toe", 2909], ["toeing", 2909], ["line", 2918], ["damn", 2931], ["damned", 2931], ["know", 2952], ["knowest", 2952], ["say", 2981], ["sayest", 2981], ["saying", 2981], ["lose", 3016], ["inside", 3046], ["sting", 3067], ["stung", 3067], ["stinging", 3067], ["truth", 3091], ["experience", 3115], ["experienced", 3115], ["desire", 3129], ["explain", 3140], ["try", 3149], ["tryed", 3149], ["go", 3184], ["goest", 3184], ["went", 3184], ["last", 3200], ["night", 3206], ["wander", 3253], ["wandered", 3253], ["around", 3260], ["aisle", 3271], ["aisles", 3271], ["stuff", 3295], ["end", 3310], ["ends", 3310], ["endest", 3310], ["ended", 3310], ["check", 3326], ["stood", 3332], ["stand", 3332], ["standest", 3332], ["four", 3345], ["tomato", 3354], ["tomatos", 3354], ["tomatoes", 3354], ["ten", 3362], ["box", 3368], ["boxed", 3368], ["boxes", 3368], ["lucky", 3377], ["charm", 3384], ["charmest", 3384], ["charms", 3384], ["cashier", 3398], ["wow", 3410], ["must", 3421], ["musts", 3421], ["kid", 3440], ["kids", 3440], ["stare", 3453], ["stared", 3453], ["many", 3483], ["say", 3514], ["sayest", 3514], ["without", 3554], ["pay", 3561], ["pays", 3561], ["payest", 3561], ["paying", 3561], ["scare", 3676], ["scared", 3676], ["hell", 3684], ["hells", 3684], ["fill", 3706], ["fills", 3706], ["pocket", 3722], ["pocketing", 3722], ["pockets", 3722], ["rock", 3733], ["rocks", 3733], ["walk", 3742], ["water", 3761], ["stupid", 3788], ["movie", 3794], ["right", 3819], ["rightest", 3819], ["start", 3857], ["started", 3857], ["walk", 3872], ["walked", 3872], ["toward", 3879], ["slid", 3891], ["sliding", 3891], ["pocket", 3898], ["pocketing", 3898], ["door", 3904], ["doors", 3904], ["house", 3928], ["relieve", 3953], ["relieved", 3953], ["sigh", 3958], ["sighest", 3958], ["sink", 3967], ["sank", 3967], ["conversation", 4029], ["conversations", 4029], ["seem", 4036], ["seeming", 4036], ["seemed", 4036], ["storm", 4066], ["walk", 4081], ["walking", 4081], ["cure", 4104], ["hug", 4119], ["none", 4126], ["mean", 4138], ["meanest", 4138], ["meant", 4138], ["much", 4143], ["stoneless", 4188], ["see", 4202], ["seeing", 4202], ["way", 4210], ["ways", 4210], ["sunlight", 4223], ["glance", 4231], ["glanced", 4231], ["prong", 4246], ["prongs", 4246], ["help", 4295], ["helpest", 4295], ["mention", 4337], ["mentioned", 4337], ["put", 4369], ["putting", 4369], ["grief", 4402], ["train", 4415], ["stay", 4435], ["schedule", 4447]]
jake says over my head . turning , i see tom sauntering toward us . hey , tru , '' he says , turning his eyes toward me . `` nice top . '' his eyes flicker down to my chest , lingering longer than necessary . `` stop staring at my fiancee 's tits , '' jake growls . `` hey , i 'm a guy ... , '' he protests , `` and they 're just there on display , what do expect me to do ? awesome rack , tru , seriously awesome . i 'm real glad you decided to put them on show tonight . you really should show them off more often . '' `` do you want me to break your face ? '' jake says , half joking . pulling my clutch up to cover my chest , i say , `` have n't you got better things to be doing , tom ? like finding your next doggie bag to take home , rather than staring at something you can never have ? '' `` ooh , harsh ! '' tom slaps his hand over his heart . `` i like you more and more by the minute , tru . '' zane grins at me . `` i 'll get these , '' jake says . `` your usual , baby ? '' `` tom , you want a beer ? '' tuning out the guys , i glance around the club . a little grungy , but definitely somewhere i would have hung out back home . i notice many eyes looking in our direction . mostly at jake . well , all at jake . most of them do n't even have the decency to look away when they see i 've caught them staring at my husband-to-be . `` thanks , '' i say as jake hands me my margarita . `` so she blew you out ? '' i catch zane saying to tom . `` the fact you went back there to try your luck with her , and you 're out here with us , definitely says she did , man , '' jake says with a smile . `` i never said i went to try my luck . i went to offer my support . '' `` the only support you would have been offering her was up against a wall . '' i say , taking a sip of my drink . `` tom got rejected by a woman ? '' i give tom a mock look of shock . `` yep , '' jake replies , flashing wide eyes at me . `` he tried to get into lyla 's pants , and being the smart girl she is , she blew him out like a candle . '' lyla is the ridiculously pretty lead singer of vintage , and apparently , a very smart girl indeed . `` shut up , fuck-face , she did n't blow me out . i would 've had to try something for that to happen . not that it ever would . women ca n't say no to the cat . '' `` wow , man , in all the years i 've known you , you 've never had a girl say no to you , '' jake says , ignoring tom 's defensiveness . `` wait 'til denny hears this . '' `` actually , i might ring him now . '' tom groans , grabbing his beer . zane pats him on the back , keeping a straight face . `` do n't sweat it , man , it happens to the best of us . never to me , but i totally feel for you . '' zane cracks up laughing . `` i like lyla , '' i pitch in . i 'll get the twat back for the top comment before . `` she seems like a great girl . shame for you , tom , being blown out like that . '' the lot of you are doing my fuckin ' head in ! she was a nonstarter . i do n't put the effort in for a woman . there are plenty more willing to step up to the plate . '' he nods in the direction of some open gawkers . `` on that note , i 'll catch you f**kers later . tru , '' he says , eyes going straight to my chest , `` a pleasure as always . i hope to see you in that top again soon . '' `` fuck off , tom , '' jake snaps . backing up , grinning , tom winks at jake and heads in the direction of the waiting girls . needing a reprieve , i ask jake , `` where is the bathroom ? '' `` through the archway . '' my eyes follow his pointing finger . i put my drink on the bar , place a loving kiss on his lips , and head to the bathroom . i 've just sat on the toilet to take a pee , when i hear them come into the bathroom , laughing and talking . `` oh my god , did you see what she was wearing ? '' she looks like a hooker . a see-through top ! and what about that skirt ? i thought leather skirts went out with pretty woman . 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what kind of fucked up half breed are you anyway ? i work in the sun . i knew my eye color would give me away . the group began to shift forward . just hand over maria there . spicks aint allowed in this neighborhood . perhaps that should be posted . were happy to leave . she grabbed my arm with both hands , and i pushed her as i took a step back . a knife appeared , and i wrenched my arm free . the one on the right held the knife in front of him in a loose , relaxedcockygrip . the book in both hands , i sidestepped and slapped melvilles hard cover against the boys hand . the knife nicked a chain-link fence with a clack , and then flew into a weedy lawn . the other two boys rushed forward , thick boots against the sidewalk . i smacked melville across one of their faces . the other boy landed a punch to my ribs . i threw an elbow back across his face . his head spun sideways . the first boy flailed a fist toward my head . i blocked with my forearm , and then backfisted him across the cheek . i took the book in both hands and smacked it flat against his nose . blood splattered , and he fell to the sidewalk with his friends . tracy covered her mouth with both hands and sobbed . i looked down at the book , at the split spine and bloody cover . i was going to have to buy a new copy . chapter seven rebecca becky ? he said as i passed him outside the library . i hadnt even noticed the group of them . i turned but didnt walk back . hi , brandon . casually , he moved toward me . just a lot of homework . so , whatve you been up to ? how was your party ? missing you , he said . his face scrunched at the same time . apparently , the lack-of-makeup rebecca didnt have the same effect on him , or his friends who were watching us . wherere you going anyway ? he said as he glanced at my clothes , at my lack of tiny skirt and spankies . dont you have practice today ? i quit cheerleading . i just made some changes . i used the smile that usually worked with guys , persuaded them to just go with whatever i said . he paused , then blurted out , what in the hell is wrong with you ? what , brandon , am i not pretty enough for you anymore ? his face was still scrunched . naw , girl . its just , i dont know , like youre a different person . i heard you changed your major too . why would you want to study english lit ? no wonder dating him hadnt worked out . look , brandon , im really sorry , but i with a sigh , i turned to walk away . he caught up and latched an arm around my shoulders , not a strictly friendly arm . hey , you can talk to me . right , just like when we were dating . he was a nice enough guy but more interested in playing football and showing off his cheerleader girlfriend , and i remembered , he was currently between cheerleaders . thanks , but theres really nothing wrong . i casually slouched him off . im late for class . his face scrunched again . did he do that so often when we were dating ? but good luck , i added . i started to walk away , and then turned back . you should invite my roommate , carly . good , it worked , and maybe carly would be a little less pmsy if she finally got to be properly introduced to him . i was happy to finally , hopefully , get them together , but i still felt like a bad friend . i knew hed never really been friends with me , with rebecca , not becky . and no one even knew becca existed . i felt like one of those superheroes with alter egos . becky had a capeand a tiny skirt . rebecca had thick-framed glasses , but becca was the me who had gotten lost somewhere along the way . i was closer to her now . i recognized her from a distance , but she was still in the distance . inside i felt the struggle to find her . i wanted to be her again , more than just that once . chapter eight jonathan all of a sudden everyone decided to take an interest . everyone knew my name , and the story circulated while gaining intensity and sap with every retelling . i couldnt hide anymore . the stares were unconcealed and unashamed , and the whispers followed me . apparently , they had decided on heroism being a trait of mine , though intelligence remained undecided . once she found i was fine , rose decided the whole thing to be amusing , especially when tracy introduced herself one sunday morningapparently , shed decided to become a member of the churchas the woman saved by jonathan . rose glanced at me , and with her innate ability to read my lack of expression , obviously understood everything .	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`` if you do n't mind me asking , who 's the father ? obviously there 's a problem , otherwise you would 've married him . you are n't secretly married , are you ? '' `` no , i- '' `` i do n't need to know any more about him . he 's married , i suppose ? '' i said not to tell me and then like a fool i ask . well , you 're going to have a child . `` it 's a bit more complicated than that , '' she began . `` for heaven 's sake , you have n't done anything stupid , have you ? '' anne marie asked , a little taken aback . `` artificial insemination , that 's what . i heard about it at the hairdresser 's . apparently a lot of women are using artificial methods to get pregnant . please do n't tell me you went to one of those fertility clinics and- '' `` mother , i 'm adopting . '' she 'd finally shocked her mother into total silence . `` remember ellen falk ? '' `` i was her lunch buddy . you met her the saturday before st. patrick 's day . we had lunch with you . '' surely her mother had n't forgotten . then laura said , `` let me see if i have this straight . this second-grade girl you agreed to have lunch with once a week is the one you 're going to adopt ? '' her mother sounded incredulous . she came to stay with me , remember ? '' `` well , yes , and i told you i thought it was rather nervy of that girl 's grandmother to call you in the middle of the night . '' `` dolores falk died . '' this information appeared to unsettle laura . `` oh ... dear . that is a shame . '' `` ellen does n't have anyone else , '' anne marie said . `` you 're fond of the child ? '' `` i love her as though i 'd given birth to her myself , '' anne marie confessed . `` i 've already talked to the social worker and asked to be considered as ellen 's adoptive mother . '' she closed her eyes , certain her mother would discourage her , as she had with every important decision anne marie had ever made , from the school she 'd chosen to the man she 'd married . `` oh , anne marie ... '' she waited for it . `` i think that 's a wonderful thing to do . '' her jaw fell so fast and hard , anne marie was surprised she had n't dislocated it . `` you ... think i 'm doing the right thing ? '' `` my dear girl , you 're old enough to decide what you want to do with your own life . if this child means so much to you , then by all means bring her into the family . '' as far as anne marie could remember , this was the first time in her adult life that her mother had supported her choices . she did n't understand it , other than to assume the child had won over her mother 's heart in the hour or two they 'd spent together . `` there wo n't be any legal problems , will there ? '' laura went on to ask . evelyn boyle had to do a search for ellen 's birth certificate and find out who was listed as the father . he would need to be contacted and given the opportunity to state his wishes . anne marie was pretty sure ellen 's biological father did n't even know she existed . but if evelyn managed to track him down ... he could decide to declare his parental rights and anne marie would have no option but to relinquish ellen . the thought made her feel ill. `` what about her biological mother ? '' `` she gave up all rights to her daughter three years ago when ellen went to live with her grandmother . '' `` does that mean the mother ca n't change her mind ? '' anyway , if it was n't for dolores , ellen might 've been put up for adoption years ago . '' `` the social worker was encouraging . '' the fact that ellen was living with anne marie and that they 'd so obviously bonded was a hopeful sign . however , the issue of ellen 's biological father still had to be resolved . anne marie suddenly remembered something . `` the wishes . '' `` stop mumbling , anne marie . `` what was that about wishes ? that 's what you said , is n't it ? it certainly sounded like wishes . '' `` ellen has a list of wishes . twenty wishes . '' anne marie had no intention of referring to her own list or those of the other widows . her mother would no doubt throw scorn on the idea or dismiss it as childish . `` children do that sort of thing , '' her mother said , confirming her suspicion . `` i would n't give it any mind .	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come to think of it , phillip had n't eaten much and he 'd been very quiet throughout the meal . probably from guilt , she decided , anger building at him even thinking about leaving her here and throwing her to the wolves . or should that be wolf ? as in , brant matthews . `` i 'll come with you , '' she said , reaching for her purse , determined to get away from all prying eyes . he gave her a tired smile that was offset by the wary gleam in his eyes . `` there 's no need , darling . i 'll be going straight to bed . '' kia was n't about to let phillip get away with this . she pushed her chair back farther . `` still , i think i 'll go home , too . '' phillip put up a hand . `` please stay , darling . i do n't want to spoil your fun . '' she did n't call brant 's company fun , not with him watching her , waiting . and if phillip called her `` darling '' one more time , she was going to scream . she was no man 's `` darling , '' not when her father liked to call her his `` darling girl . '' she turned back to phillip , ready to insist on going with him . only the look in his eyes stopped her dead . seeing lynette again had upset him . compassion stirred within her , diminishing her anger to a degree . `` okay , phillip . you just get plenty of rest so that we can go to the art exhibition tomorrow . '' her eyes said she intended talking to him then about all this . his eyes darted away uneasily . `` i 'll make sure she gets home safely , '' brant said out of the blue . kia 's heart lurched . she could n't imagine being in the confines of a car with brant . why , even the ballroom was n't enough to stop his silent seduction . `` no , that 's okay , '' she said quickly . `` not in that , you wo n't , '' brant said arrogantly , giving her brsts a raking glance in the clinging silver dress . `` there was a woman attacked just last week after she left one of the hotels by herself . '' `` yes , and they caught the guy , remember ? '' she pointed out , resisting the urge to tug at her bodice and cover her clvage . `` it was an old boyfriend . '' she turned to phillip . but phillip was frowning . `` no , brant 's right . you 're too attractive to be out on your own late at night . '' okay , this was getting crazy . `` phillip , do n't be ridiculous . phillip opened his mouth , but it was brant who spoke . `` i do n't think it 's ridiculous that your ... '' he paused . `` ... fiance is concerned for your safety . '' she grimaced inwardly . you can drive me home then . '' satisfied with that , phillip fobbed off someone 's suggestion that they announce the engagement over the microphone before he left . she shuddered at the suggestion , knowing it would be public knowledge soon enough . oh , heavens , and was n't that idiotic journalist who 'd written the comment about her getting her hooks into phillip going to just love all this ? thankfully phillip 's male nurse , rick , was in the hotel and was ready and waiting by the time kia pushed the wheelchair through the ballroom doors . she tried to speak to phillip , but all she got was a quick apology and a promise to talk later . then rick wheeled him away . suddenly the hardest thing to do was turn around and walk back into that room . brant would be there with his arrogance and his hostility , and if he said so much as one word out of place , she would pour his drink over his head . as a matter of fact , she hoped he did , she mused as she pushed open the doors and immediately felt those hard eyes eating her up from across the room . they scorched her with a look that bordered on physical intensity . unable to stop herself , she glanced at brant . through the sea of people and smoke-filled air , her knees weakened as sexual heat enveloped her , even as he pretended to be listening to something simon said to him . and it was a pretence . every feminine instinct told her that he 'd like nothing more than to sweep her into his arms and lose himself in her body . she had to remember that 's all he wanted . startled , she turned and looked into the face of danny tripp , the teenage son of one of the executives who worked a few days a week in the accounts department , and who turned beetroot-red whenever she came into the room . she 'd never been able to get him to say more than two words at a time . but not tonight , it seemed .	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and she looked gorgeous , such fairness outlined in black leather , the red velvet cords serving to anchor her in place and keep her legs deliciously spread . he 'd never seen anything so f*king sexy . jack stood , fighting off a shiver of desire searing him and threatening to strip his control . eager-hell , shaking-with the need to touch her , jack smoothed his palms down her sides , dipping in with the slight curve of her waist , as he dusted kisses down morgan 's skin . she swallowed a gasp as his touch drifted down the flare of her hps and his mouth found a sensitive spot where hip and thigh met . was there anything more perfect than her offering of such fair skin , more tempting than palming the firm length of her legs , kneeling so close to the heaven of her psy ? not in his mind . this ... morgan and everything she offered was everything he 'd looked for . he prayed to hell today proved they both had what it took to fulfill one another , be the lover the other needed . reaching around , he trailed his fingers down the slope of her buttocks , gripped the back of her thighs . was she soft everywhere ? yeah , and it just tore him up . he , who 'd killed in battle , taken a bullet , sustained scars from more than one knife fight , learned to tell his enemy to fk off in eight languages , touched morgan and her seemingly untouched skin . he glided his way down clear to her ankles , his mouth following the same hot path until she was clenching her thighs , until her legs tensed beneath his hands and mouth . `` yes , '' she gasped , watching his every move with wide eyes . not stunned or shocked . `` yes , i 'm wet , sir . '' `` better , '' he said , nibbling at the creamy flesh of her inner thigh before gliding his tongue up her hip . the sound of her moan resonated in his ears . damn , how the hell was he going to last , without rising to his feet , tearing off his pants and taking what they both needed ? with gentle tugs on all her bindings , jack assured himself they were secure . reaching to his bag again , he pulled out a thick red silk scarf . perfect , he thought , folding the crimson scrap of cloth and settling it over her eyes . morgan could touch and taste and hear- and through those senses experience everything she needed . but she could not move or see , which allowed him the control he wanted and might need ... just in case . for a mere instant , morgan tensed . but she forced herself to exhale , to relax . proud of her calm , dazzled by her show of absolute trust , he kissed her mouth lightly , savoring the flavor of her hot tension and bee-stung berry lips . fists clenched , he eased back and stepped past her . a deep breath , a little prayer . then he forced himself to uncurl his fingers , cross the room and open the hotel room door . chapter sixteen morgan felt jack walk past her . a draft of february air breezed a chill across her skin . she tamped down her panic . the raw tenderness in his eyes and the unrelenting grip of his hands on her convinced morgan of that . so what the hell was he up to ? he cupped his hand around her shoulder and settled against her , whispering in her ear , `` the safe word is still swamp . '' even blindfolded , his tension could n't have been clearer if he drew her a picture . `` okay , but i wo n't need it . '' warm breath on her cheek , then the soft skate of his fingertips down the slope of her breast , followed by the hard pull of his mouth on her nipple . instantly , a path of fire zinged between her br**sts and her clit . moisture rushed between her folds . the pleasure was so bright , morgan even felt a curious warmth at her back . she could n't squeeze her legs together for relief , since jack had tied them so far apart . with her wrists attached to her thighs , she could n't raise her arms to clasp him closer when he shifted to the other breast , making the second nipple as hard as the first . a moan slipped free from her throat . caressing a hand down her belly , jack rewarded her with a soft touch . his fingers made teasing circles across her thighs . his knuckles swept over the fringe of her pubic hair . morgan held her breath , waiting , wondering ... what was going on ? slowly , he knelt between her feet . his hot breath hit her right- oh , yes ! -there as he parted her slick flesh with his thumbs and exposed her every secret , stripping her bare of uncertainty and inhibitions , ripping out any concept of wrong or taboo , and replacing it with need . morgan simply felt his eyes devouring her most secret flesh , hungry , singleminded . a rush of tingles scraping across her skin made her feel so totally alive .	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`` there 's nothing i wo n't do for you , '' he told her , realizing he meant the words . she could ask for the moon , and he 'd do his best to get it for her . she looked in his eyes and something shifted . bree did n't know which of them moved first , but suddenly she was melting in his arms as his mouth gently caressed her lips . the moment stretched , filling her with a sense of rightness and love . he could be passionate and aggressive , or gentle and loving . he seemed to know what she needed exactly when she needed it . his cell phone rang and chad seriously considered throwing it against the building across the street . he did n't care who was calling , he was n't getting interrupted again . `` woo hoo , ride that cowboy , '' someone called out , and chad groaned against her mouth . it looked like he could n't catch a break . he reluctantly pulled away , nearly changing his mind when he saw bree 's flushed cheeks and swollen lips . her eyes slowly opened , full of confusion - probably wondering why he stopped . he was going to take her to a deserted island - no phones , no teenagers and no stalkers . his phone went off again and he pulled the annoying device from his pocket . bree just buried her head against his shoulder , seemingly as frustrated as him . he snapped into his phone . after a pause , he spoke again . `` is it necessary ? she 's been through a lot the last couple days . '' `` fine , '' he answered , then hung up . `` the police have someone in custody . they think we should come in , '' chad told her . bree 's eyes widened , but he was impressed by how quickly she squared her shoulders and pulled herself together . `` then we 'd better get down there , '' she said without hesitation . `` i can deal with it on my own , '' chad offered . i want this to be over , '' she answered and he heard the steel in her voice . chapter fourteen bree 's stomach turned as they stepped inside the huge double doors into the sheriff 's station . she glanced at the reception area with people calling out orders , and chaos reigning . somewhere among the throng of individuals was someone who could be responsible for disrupting her life , shooting her in the head , and endlessly pursuing her . she squeezed chad 's hand tightly in her own . she was unaware of chad scoping the room , looking for possible exits , noticing anyone looking suspicious . she would feel more reassured if she could see how aware he was of everyone and everything around him . this could be the end of the chase . she could possibly start focusing on her life and getting her problems worked out , without having to look over her shoulder every five minutes . if the person after her was caught , then she could focus on her child , and if she were relaxed , then maybe she 'd get her memory back . she really wanted to know her past - her family . chad led her to the reception desk , where a harried looking woman in uniform barely glanced away from her computer screen as they approached . she practically yelled , reaching into her messy hair and grabbing a pen that had seen better days . `` we 're here to see captain musket , '' chad replied . that seemed to snap her to attention . `` chad redington and bree anderson . '' she typed something on her computer keyboard , dropping the pen on her desk . `` id , please , '' she said while sticking her hand out , still without looking up . chad reached into his wallet at the same time as bree pulled her purse forward . they handed over their id 's and waited while she typed something else . `` head over to the door on the far right . deputy mitchel will let you through , '' she said without as much as a smile . bree felt like a criminal for all the warmth the woman showed . she 'd hate to be on the wrong side of the law . `` this way , please , '' deputy mitchel said when bree took too long to move forward . she jumped at the sound , then followed chad 's assured steps as he made his way toward the huge officer . he looked around the room , his hand resting on his gun , before opening the door for them . `` go down this hallway , turn right . it 's interrogation room number two . wait there and the captain will meet you . '' chad pulled bree along as they made their way down the plain , narrow hallway . they passed a door where she heard someone shouting and a chill went down her spine . the place gave her the creeps . bree had always been curious what a jail was like from the inside . how the cells looked , if the interrogation rooms really were the same as they appeared on her favorite crime dramas . now that she was there , her curiosity took a nose dive . she could n't wait to get back out into the fresh air . she did n't understand how prisoners could stand the confined space , day in and day out .	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the whole exterior of the house seemed to be rotting in layers : from the painted blue wood peeling off the windowsills in slimy sheets , to red bricks crawling with dark green mold , to the damp cement of the stoop , which crumbled under their feet . for a moment , luce thought she could actually feel the city sinking . `` he 's got to be here , '' daniel muttered , still pounding . when they 'd landed on the canal-side ledge usually accessed only by gondola , daniel had promised luce a bed inside , a hot drink , a reprise from the damp and bracing wind they 'd been flying through for hours . at last , the slow shuffling of feet thumping down stairs inside perked a shivering luce to attention . daniel exhaled and closed his eyes , relieved , as the brass knob turned . hinges moaned as the door swung open . `` who the devil- '' the older italian man 's wiry tufts of white hair stood out at all angles from his head . he had sensationally bushy white eyebrows , and a mustache to match , and thick white chest hair protruding from the v-neck of his dark gray robe . luce watched daniel blink in surprise , as if he was second-guessing their address . then the old man 's pale brown eyes lit up . he lurched forward , pulling daniel into a tight embrace . `` i was beginning to wonder if you were going to visit before i kicked the inevitable bucket , '' the man whispered hoarsely . his eyes traveled to luce , and he smiled as if they had n't woken him , as if he 'd been expecting them for months . `` after all these years , you finally brought over lucinda . what a treat . '' his name was professor mazotta . he and daniel had studied history together at the university of bologna in the thirties . he was not appalled or bewildered by daniel 's lack of aging : mazotta understood what daniel was . he seemed to feel only joy at being reunited with an old friend , a joy that was augmented by the introduction to the love of that friend 's life . he escorted them into his office , which was also a study of varying degrees of decay . his bookshelves dipped at the centers ; his desk was piled with yellowing paper ; the rug was worn to threads and splashed with coffee stains . mazotta set immediately to making each of them a cup of dense hot chocolate-an old man 's old bad habit , he rasped to luce with a nudge . but daniel barely took a sip before thrusting his book into mazotta 's hands and opening it to the description of the first relic . mazotta slipped on thin wire-framed glasses and squinted at the page , mumbling to himself in italian . he stood up , walked to the bookshelf , scratched his head , turned back to the desk , paced the office , sipped his chocolate , then returned to the bookshelf to pull out a fat leather-bound tome . luce stifled a yawn . her eyelids felt like they were working hard to hold up something heavy . she was trying not to drift , pinching the inside of her palm to keep herself awake . but daniel 's and professor mazotta 's voices met each other like distant clouds of fog as they argued over the impossibility of everything the other was saying . `` it 's absolutely not a windowpane from the church of saint ignatius . '' mazotta wrung his hands . `` those are slightly hexagonal , and this illustration is resoundingly oblong . '' daniel suddenly shouted , rattling an amateur painting of a blue sailboat on the wall . `` we clearly need to be at the library at bologna . do you still have keys to get in ? in your office you must have had- '' `` i became emeritus thirteen years ago , daniel . and we 're not traveling two hundred kilometers in the middle of the night to look at ... '' he paused . `` look at lucinda , she 's sleeping standing up , like a horse ! '' luce grimaced groggily . she was afraid to start down the path of a dream for fear she might meet bill . he had a tendency to turn up when she closed her eyes these days . she wanted to stay awake , to stay away from him , to be a part of the conversation about the relic she and daniel would need to find the next day . but sleep was insistent and would not be denied . seconds or hours later , daniel 's arms lifted her from the ground and carried her up a dark and narrow flight of stairs . `` i 'm sorry , luce , '' she thought he said . she was too deep asleep to respond . `` i should have let you rest sooner . i 'm just so scared , '' he whispered . `` scared we 're going to run out of time . 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bethanne watched discreetly as ruth sat on the bed and punched in royce 's number from a slip of paper in her purse . she held the receiver to her ear , clenching and unclenching her fist . in the silence bethanne could hear the phone ring , followed by a man 's voice answering . `` royce , it 's ruth , '' she began , her own voice fluttering with anxiety . `` my granddaughter thought i should let you know we made it here safely . we 're in vero beach at the hotel the reunion committee recommended . '' while bethanne could n't hear what royce said , she saw from ruth 's reaction that he seemed pleased to have heard from her . ruth hunched over , and bethanne could see her smiling . `` sure-but my daughter-in-law and granddaughter are with me . uh-huh ... that would be very nice . '' she looked at bethanne and annie , who stood with their hands clasped as they awaited the outcome . `` okay , yes ... that 's very thoughtful . ruth hung up the phone . annie asked expectantly . she and bethanne were staring at ruth . `` he wants to take us all to dinner , '' ruth said . bethanne asked to be sure she understood correctly . `` his grandson is with him , and he 's bringing him along for you to meet . '' annie smiled , clearly intrigued by this unexpected turn of events . `` was he happy to hear from you ? '' ruth blushed . `` told you , '' annie crowed , collecting a fresh set of clothes and heading for the shower . `` i need to change , too . '' ruth looked down at what she was wearing . she brushed an invisible speck of dirt from the front of her blouse . `` i do n't know if i 'm ready to see royce again , '' she muttered , her forehead wrinkling . `` yes , you are , '' bethanne insisted , amused and deeply touched at the sight of her mother-in-law in such a state . ruth immediately started riffling through her clothes , searching for the perfect outfit in which to rendezvous with her high school sweetheart . with both annie and ruth occupied , bethanne grabbed her cell and stepped out onto the patio , closing the sliding glass door carefully behind her . the waves breaking on the beach were hypnotic , and the ocean breeze dispelled the intense heat and humidity of late afternoon . sitting in one of the patio chairs , bethanne punched out max 's cell number . she had no idea if she 'd reach him . if she did n't , she 'd leave a message . max picked up on the fourth ring , just before the call went to voice mail . `` max ... it 's bethanne . '' `` bethanne . '' `` on the way to california . '' `` are you in florida yet ? '' `` we arrived about thirty minutes ago . '' `` is grant there ? '' he 's meeting us later . '' she did n't want to think about grant right now . bethanne hugged the phone tighter . `` you do n't need to sound so happy about it . '' i 'm feeling exactly the same without you . '' `` how was new orleans ? '' `` we ate beignets at cafe du monde yesterday morning . last night we listened to jazz on bourbon street . after that , i ended up drinking some wicked alcoholic concoction in a hurricane glass . it knocked me for a loop . '' `` you three did n't get into any trouble , did you ? '' `` none that i care to mention , '' she joked . `` i 'd always heard that new orleans was famous for its food , and it was fantastic . '' she found herself chattering on . `` annie talked ruth and me into trying a mint julep- '' max snorted in amusement . `` were you able to walk back to the hotel afterward ? '' `` no ... '' bethanne giggled . `` we had to get a taxi . '' she paused as their laughter died away , then said quietly , `` i wish you 'd been there . '' `` i do , too , '' he told her . `` maybe one day we 'll go back together . '' grant had said that , too ... . just then , annie opened the sliding glass door , wearing a sleeveless summer dress bethanne had never seen before . she must have purchased it in branson . `` i need to go , '' bethanne said hurriedly . give my best to rooster . '' as she ended the call , she experienced a piercing sense of loss . instead of feeling better , she felt worse . `` dad called , '' annie continued . `` his flight landed on time and he 's on his way to vero . '' `` grandma suggested he join us for dinner , '' annie said , leaning against the glass door . bethanne 's voice was cool . `` what about the conference ?	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now stir in magic and you have a demon which preys on victims , enslaving them with impudence . imagine also a race of warriors known as the cairbare , with god-like strength , size , intelligence and long life . for eons they have existed apart from all others . they believe that changing the course of evolution is unjust ; except for maintaining balance between good and evil , they will not interfere . the cairbare have thus shielded humans from finding out about the other races , while withdrawing from humans and becoming only observers . these immortals will rise to action and give assistance only at select moments in history when demons or other nasty factions interfere too much with the delicate balance . and so it was , about 1700 years ago , that these immortal warriors encountered a threat that would change not only the course of the cairbare race , but the lives of human descendants of elizabeth fairbourne , a widow with five children . at that point in history , a hedonistic faction of other race , who considered themselves superior to humans , decided to test the warriors of the cairbare to determine if they had withdrawn from our realm due to some temporary distraction , or if their withdraw was due to permanent disinterest , that would allow these others to create havoc and terror amongst the human race . what this group of nasties had not expected was that certain humans , like elizabeth fairbourne , had developed abilities which they kept hidden to protect themselves from fanatics who would label them as evil and want them dead . elizabeth was a very powerful sorceress , armed with generations of knowledge passed on to her by her mother and perfected with her own flavour . she recognized and aided all races who came to her , and thus it happened that she heroically rescued the cairbare prince when he was attacked . thereafter , a bond of friendship developed between the descendants of elizabeth fairbourne and the cairbare warriors , which would endured for hundreds of years . as the line of descendants grew and prospered , so did their powers and talents . over the centuries , both exploration and witch-hunts scattered the family throughout the world . like the ebbing of the tide , the abilities of some fairbourne generations were stronger than others . the murder of daphne bradford changed that . daphne was a quiet , trusting , and fearless soul . an only child , she was one of the strongest healers the family history had recorded . she welcomed all that sought her assistance , ultimately allowing someone to get slip past her protection wards . the last time her husband saw his beloved daphne was when he witnessed the gore pooling across her lap in the bloodied kitchen . he had never been pleased with daphnes supernatural powers or her willingness to help all or the friendship that she maintained with the cairbare . now , consumed with bitterness and helplessness , he placed the blame squarely on the shoulders of the cairbare , telling all who would listen that the warriors were the reason daphne had been murdered . fueled by hatred and bias , he swore to protect his only daughter . but moving her did not change who or what she was . he raised her to know very little of the family history , believing he was protecting her by instilling mistrust and denial of all other races , especially the cairbare . for the first time in 1700 years , the races were without one of the greatest human line of sorceresses , and the cairbare without one of their oldest friends . in the years since daphnes senseless murder , the familys descendants tried to blend into humankind , and maintain a seemly normal life . they lived alongside them , while keeping their powers hidden , with the belief they were protecting themselves , and it only took a couple generations after the murderous tale of daphnes death for the fairbourne women to lose the bond with their powers . yet stories are not always as they seem , and daphnes great granddaughters are about to discover that they could not ignore their destiny forever . now , sit back , relax , and embark with us on a journey that has been centuries in the making , with the immortal cairbare and the gifted fairbourne women , their lives entangled as they seek to protect humankind and show them their true destiny . chapter one the seagulls cries echoed , and the incoming tide erased all signs of anyone passing over the sand . kevans feet pounded , as she passed under the pier and around the big white rock the town had been named after . her blood surging through her veins as she tossed another glance over her shoulder . her mind raced through the family history , as she checked and then double-checked her back trail before she left the beach . she struggled to bring her breathing under control while she slowly jogged across the street and up the block to the welcoming warmth of the crystal shop , which sat last in a line along an older block of businesses that relied on tourists and local new-agers . the colorful exterior and the welcoming displays gave its customers the feeling of meeting an old friend .	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she went out to the damn honky-tonk with becca lynn . i got a call from nelly , the owner , about an hour ago . she said i needed to come get eva . becca lynn was passed out on the top of the bar . she 'd already called becca 's daddy . '' `` itwasfun , '' eva said with a sloppy grin and stepped out of jeremy 's arms and into my chest . i wrapped my arms around her quickly to keep her from face-planting on the gravel . `` yeah , looks like you had yourself a good 'ole time , '' i replied as she slipped her arms up my chest and clasped her hands tightly behind my neck . `` youshouldcometoo . '' nodding , i lifted my gaze from her adorably drunk expression to look at jeremy . he was standing behind her waiting on her next move . `` we need to get her to bed . her daddy ai n't coming home till tomorrow . he 's still got a bunch of people up at his hunting camp . '' `` should she be left alone in the house like this ? '' i asked as she leaned heavily on me . `` probably not , '' jeremy rubbed his hand through his hair and glanced back at his truck . i could tell he was trying real hard to figure out the right thing to do . `` i got ta get some stuff packed up tonight and head out early in the morning to check on an apartment i 'm looking at moving into with my cousin in the fall . you think you could watch her ? '' so jeremy was getting ready to move on with his life . had he told eva yet ? was that why she was completely wasted ? the indecision on his face as he studied the back of eva 's head had me thinking he might end up staying to watch her after all . i understood that kind of protective streak . i had it with low . eva rested her head against my chest . `` you good with that , eva ? '' `` mmmmmmhmmmm , '' she replied then began sniffing my shirt . jeremy shook his head then looked back up at me . `` she 's dealing with life . it 's moving on without josh and she 's just now realizing it . `` of course , '' i replied and dropped a kiss to the top of her cigarette scented hair . not something i ever expected to smell on eva brooks . jeremy studied me a moment then with a quick nod he turned and headed back to his truck . i waited until he was pulling out of the drive before moving eva . `` i need to get you to your bed , sweetheart . do you want me to pick you up or do you want to walk ? or do you need to puke ? '' eva giggled against my chest and tilted her head back to smile sleepily at me . `` takemetoyourbed , '' she slurred . `` now that 's a bad idea , beautiful . you see , when you 're sober my bed is the last place you wan na be . '' she shook her head and standing on her tip toes pressed a tequila tasting kiss to my mouth . `` i wan na sleep in your bed puhlease . '' she managed not to run her words together this time . how was i supposed to tell her no when she was all sweet and playful ? she was drunk off her ass but she was a nice drunk . i asked `` jussleep . '' i bent down and slipped my arm under her knees then cradled her against my chest and carried her to the barn . this was probably not my most intelligent moment but i was n't about to give up what could be my only chance at sleeping all night with eva brooks in my arms . eva `` do n't you go to sleep yet . you need to drink this water and take the aspirin first . '' cage 's voice was even sexy when he was being all bossy . i giggled and stared up at him as he stood hovering over me . his bed was nice and soft and i really just wanted to close my eyes . how was a girl supposed to turn down orders from a guy that looked like that ? i stuck my arm up in the air , `` pull me up , '' i told him . cage grinned and reached for my hand that was unfortunately numb so i did n't get the complete enjoyment from his touch . once he had me sitting up on the edge of the bed he squatted down in front of me until we were eye level . the glass of water he 'd run up to the house to get was in one hand and the white chalky pills i hated were in the other . `` can i just drink the water ? '' i asked , scowling at the pills . i did it if i absolutely had to but i hated the taste they left in my throat and the way they felt going down .	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as soon as i take my two out , i 'll be caught up and i 'll take any newcomers that walk in . '' lauren flashed a grin . `` thanks , evie . clark gave them both indulgent smiles . `` you two are the best waitresses i 've ever had . ca n't begrudge you a break . we 've been busting ass since opening time this morning . '' `` typical monday , '' evie said with a shrug . lauren turned and hurried back to where lily and callie sat . she snagged a chair from a nearby empty table and parked it at the end of the two-person booth . `` so what are you two up to today ? just doing lunch ? and where is mama c ? '' `` she 's baby shopping . in denver , '' callie added . `` which means the dads went with her because they still wo n't let her drive pretty much anywhere by herself . she 's decided she needs to outfit an entire nursery at her house for when the baby stays over . '' `` she 's been so wonderful to me . she 's already explained that she 's coming to stay with me for the entire week after the baby is born and that i wo n't have to lift a single finger . she 's barked orders at the men . dillon is on cooking duty . michael and seth are sharing diaper changing and bottle-feeding when i need a break from breast-feeding . '' lily grew misty eyed . `` i do n't know what i 'd do without her . or the entire colter family . even the dads have volunteered to come over so seth , dillon and michael can get some rest . i ca n't even explain how much just knowing that they 'll be right there , for however we need them , means to me . it 's like a huge weight off my shoulders . '' callie reached over to squeeze her hand . `` and you forget me and max . we 'll be right here whenever you need us . '' `` and me , '' lauren piped up . you 'll be right here in the middle of all of us . it 's a pretty wonderful place to be , you know . '' callie turned a purposeful stare in lauren 's direction . `` okay , so , i 'll fully admit , lily and i came here with a purpose , and we also waited until noah and liam left before we came in because we wanted to corner you and interrogate you mercilessly . '' `` uh-oh , '' lauren muttered . '' `` you have to tell us what 's going on with those two . and do n't give us the cock-and-bull story about how they 're just protecting you until things are resolved with joel . because the way they look at you ? there 's definitely more to this story than you 're letting on . '' lauren blushed , her face warming under their scrutiny . callie crowed . `` look at her face ! totally busted . '' yes , there 's something more than just a professional relationship . '' lily said , pouncing on the subject . `` my money is on liam . he 's so dark and broody and delicious . he totally reminds me of dillon . '' `` i 'm betting noah . his gaze never leaves her . he 's constantly watching her . always looking for any kind of threat to her . but when he looks directly at her , i swear that man 's eyes just smolder . if you could bottle that look ? we could make millions . he is sex in a can , i 'm telling you . '' `` oh my god , you two are killing me ! '' `` uhm , well ... both , '' she said , dropping her voice so there was no chance of being overheard . callie squeaked . `` oh my god , you lucky bitch . '' `` wow , '' callie breathed . `` i swear i 'm the only one who took on one man . '' `` yeah , well , can you imagine two of max ? '' max is like having three men . still , there are times when i look at you and i look at mom and i think , wow , that must be so awesome to have three men who absolutely worship and adore you . and now you , lauren . you have two drop-dead gorgeous , stacked guys who want to spend every waking moment cherishing and protecting you ? jealousy is going to eat me alive . '' lauren blushed again . `` we 're still working through some stuff . i mean this is completely brand new to all three of us . none of us have experience in this and we 're having to feel our way around . '' `` none of us had experience with it either , '' lily said in a serious tone . `` i know it sounds crazy because of the way seth , michael and dillon grew up , but they never considered for a moment that they 'd have the same kind of relationship their parents had .	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he 'd probably meant well , even if he did n't have good taste in cards or the slightest idea how to be romantic . but he had taken the time to buy her that card , and she 'd blithely thrown it away . then she told herself not to be stupid . she did n't want william in her life , and keeping the card might backfire in some way , especially if gloria ever found out . william needed to get the message that she was n't interested . that would save trouble on her part and humiliation on his . maybe she should put some real thought into this gift gloria had sent her to buy . if gloria succeeded in snagging william 's attention , amanda would n't have to worry about him anymore . he 'd be off her conscience . harvey kenton watched from a starbucks across the street as amanda walked out of her office building carrying the card . excitement churned in his stomach , like on his first date with louise when she 'd begged to do it doggie style . louise had looked decent back then , but marriage had sure changed her . now she was fat , ugly , and oversexed . worse than that , she was making him go to stupid therapy , which he certainly did n't need . amanda was n't fat and ugly . even time he looked at her , he could tell she was thinking about him , probably thinking about him nakd. he liked to think about her nakd , too . and now he 'd made his first real contact with her , not counting the times he 'd said hello on his way into dr. tred-way 's office . those times he 'd been sort of careful how he spoke to her , because of louise , but he 'd managed to get in a wink or two . he liked the idea of putting one over on louise . if only he could see the expression on amanda 's face when she opened the card , but he was too far away . expressions could tell you a lot . he could always tell from louise 's expression when she was getting mad . she could be kind of scary when she got mad , but kind of exciting , too . usually he hated hav*g sx with louise , but when she was mad it was n't quite so yucky . but he could n't see amanda 's expression , especially because this late in the afternoon on a cloudy day , there was n't much light . bringing a pair of binoculars to starbucks and using them to spy on somebody across the street would probably get the management on his case . he did n't want to get anybody on his case . maybe he could tell something from her body language . she took her time opening the card . he hoped she liked the kitties on the front . she liked little hummingbirds , and kitties were even cuter . he 'd seen the card and thought about amanda , all soft and cuddly . or she would be , once he got her alone . he had most of it planned . first he 'd send her a bunch of valentines to get her in the mood . then on valentine 's night he 'd sneak into her apartment and carry her off , just like in the movies . she might scream at first , and he had n't worked out what to do about that . the screaming would n't go on long , though , because once she recognized that he was her secret valentine , she 'd be happy . he 'd use the mercedes as the getaway car . that should impress her , and it had a great back seat . he gazed at her standing on the sidewalk and thought about how great it would be , undressing her on that back seat . she must have liked the kitties he 'd sent her , too , because she stared at them for a long time . she looked cold out there in the wind . he could warm her up fast , but it was n't time for that , yet . first he had to lay the groundwork . amanda had stopped looking at the outside of the card and was finally opening it . he had to clap a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing as he thought about what the inside of the card said . let 's play around . the minute he 'd read that , he 'd known it was the perfect card to start with . he 'd bet amanda would love to play around . she always looked as if she could hardly wait to get free of dr. tredway . he would n't mind getting free of dr. tredway , himself , except louise had said she 'd divorce him if he stopped going to stupid therapy . a divorce would n't be so good . he 'd been forced to sign a pre-nup , so he would n't get any of louise 's money . that would mean going back to the assembly line at the feminine products factory , and he was never doing that again .	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she kissed his cheek , then leaned against him , dropping her head on his shoulder . it was getting them plenty of stares . she half-expected neil to make a crack . but he didnt seem to care in the least . chapter twenty-two not quite at ease in a hired tailcoat and his own worn gloves , robin halted in the doorway of the dining room to let his gaze wander over a white-draped supper table set for thirty . he hadvery reasonably , he thoughtnever expected to eat at delmonicos again , let alone in a private room . it was just part of the dream from which he was at long last in danger of waking . six days of blue skies hadnt distressed anyone , at least not noticeably . sometimes he found himself wondering if susan and neil might forget they had lives waiting for them far in the future and would instead remain , to settle into a world that seemed to enchant them both . an astonishing six days it had been , a whirl of acquaintanceships , suppers , and outings , accomplished amid the process of setting things right . on the day after his brothers return , martin lennox had stepped back into the sunlight , a free man . by then , stephen had other changes well begun ; namely , the division of a business partnership that had apparently been a long time coming . victor retreated to his house to nurse his regrets , whatever they might be , while martin , after a long talk with his brother , allowed that whatever enmity remained would not fester , for elizabeths sake . if victor cared to make restitution and perhaps peace , it lay in his hands . robin did not expect it would happen . then again , a great many things had happened lately that he would never have expected or even imagined . certainlyagain , very reasonablyhed never thought he would fall in love . the private room was already crowded with guests , but robin spotted neil and susan taking seats at one end of the table , stephen lennox settled between them . the last six days was a gift neither neil nor susan had squandered , though it had been something of a balancing act , sharing their histories without giving away too much . neil had confided he found it peculiar to be making friends with a man he had hitherto known at a remove natural between parent and child . but robin knew what it meant to him . neils off-handed remark , suffused with surprise that stephen seemed to like himthat was telling enough . they spent the days going all about town , taking in the world in its moment , until the hour was too late to do much other than sleep . that farewells might be forthcoming was a topic neil had reluctantly broached and then only with robin . he was worried about susan , hed said . good-byes were inherent with heartache . the truth of it had never impressed robin more , with the looming prospect of neils departure . hed met a number of pleasant , agreeable fellows over the years . why he should fancy the stubborn , argumentative creature over the lot , he couldnt sort out . well , perhaps he couldbut between the two of them , neil was surely the more prickly-edged . yet where the words were sometimes razor-sharp , the actions were ever gentle . the words had no sting , when neils affection always found its mark . beyond the plush velvet drapes , the skies were overcast and had been all afternoon . a gloomy day for an engagement party , but no one seemed mindful of the weather . elizabeth , nearby with her father and young mr. pearsall , greeted guests as if it were the warmest and cheeriest of spring days . and for her , robin imagined , it must seem so . but he could not slip into a gloomy state , himself , when neil narrowed a glance in his direction and waved him over impatiently . reluctant to take even a moment of intimate conversation away from the three of them , robin remained at the door . the time had come , anyway , to wean himself from that grin , and the tender expression escaping so regularly from behind it . startled , robin looked into joes smiling visage and could only smile back . i must be rather too attuned for the first fall of rain . ive been looking forward to it , myself , now that stephens got the trust set up to protect the house . im not so sure susans ready to go . if she wished to remain , would you be amenable ? ill admit ive thought about it . im not afraid of starting fresh and i think wed do all right . hell , if all we ever had in the world was that shabby little house ... his face softened . wed do just fine . neil appeared from out of a knot of guests . did you guys get talked into guarding the door ? discerning eyes shifted from robin to joe , and an impatient noise followed . lets keep the waterworks outdoors , all right ?	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`` we all make mistakes , '' anne marie said . she 'd certainly made hers . late at night she sometimes wondered if she 'd been wrong to give robert an ultimatum , if she should 've tried to work things out in a different way . `` i could see he wanted to talk to me , but he was scared i 'd hurt him again , so he kept looking away . '' melissa 's voice became more animated . `` i kept asking him to look at me and he would n't . '' it must have been terribly frustrating . melissa appeared to be studying her yogurt , but anne marie could see she was smiling . `` i kissed his neck . '' `` his neck ? '' `` michael 's a lot taller than i am and that 's as far as i could reach . i said i loved him and that i was sorry . i put my arms around him and told him the reason i broke up with him was because i was afraid . '' she unwrapped the plastic spoon . `` to tell you the truth i was even more scared then . my friend , the one who told me she 'd seen michael with some one else , had some other news , too , and i was sure i 'd lost him for good . '' `` she said she 'd seen him in a jewelry store , looking at diamond rings . '' `` for this other girl ? '' `` no , but i 'm getting ahead of myself . '' `` okay , go back . tell me what happened when you told michael about the baby . '' some of the happiness left melissa 's eyes . `` like i said , he did n't believe me . he thought i was making it up , which made me so mad i almost walked away . i 'm glad i did n't , though . '' `` but why would he even think that ? '' `` he did n't trust me , and i ca n't blame him . '' she met anne marie 's eyes . `` i said i 'd never make anything like this up and to prove it i showed him the ultrasound i got from the pregnancy center . '' `` i 'll bet that got his attention . '' he nearly fainted . all he could do was look at that little picture of our baby and walk around in circles . he was so pale i thought he was going to pass out . it took him a few minutes to get used to the idea , and then he asked me what i intended to do . i said that was why i 'd come to see him . i felt this was a decision we should make together . '' she did n't speak , not wanting to interrupt the flow of melissa 's story . `` one thing i did , which i regret now , was to tell him that mom wanted me to get rid of the baby . michael got really , really upset . basically i 'd already decided that there are so many other options , an abortion would be my last resort . '' although she did n't remember michael from the funeral , anne marie felt warmly disposed toward him , sure she 'd approve of this obviously responsible young man . `` he said a baby needs a mother and a father , '' melissa went on , `` and naturally i agreed because i believe that , too . '' she dipped her spoon into the yogurt and put it in her mouth . `` do you want to know how bad my sense of timing is ? '' anne marie grinned at her wry tone . `` the night i broke up with michael was the very same night he was going to propose to me . he had an engagement ring in his pocket and everything . the diamond he 'd been buying when my friend saw him was for me . and the other girl was just a study partner . '' `` oh , melissa . '' `` we 've been seeing each other practically every night . oh , and i 'm back in school . '' `` you can bet he 's doing all his studying with me now . '' but there 's something i need to know . are you going to marry michael ? '' she knew marriage was what robert would 've wanted for his daughter . but i 'm getting ahead of myself again . '' anne marie took the first bite of her sandwich . robert would 've been thrilled at the prospect of grandchildren . that was always his excuse when he refused to consider having a baby with anne marie . he said he did n't want children and grandchildren the same age . nor , he claimed , did he want his children to be mistaken for his grandchildren . but it was useless to review their arguments now . what she recalled most strongly was robert 's anticipation of his children 's children . unlike pamela , he would 've been thrilled with the news of this baby . apparently pamela had yet to be won over . but anne marie had to assume it would n't be long before the baby stole his or her grandmother 's heart .	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i never gave you a new one , laura thought , shuffling to the door . daylight was a glaring bitch this morning , sunlight aggressively spilling through her apartment . `` you know , they have these places , '' laura said sharply as josie walked past her , into the kitchen , and grabbed the coffee sack . `` they 're called coffee shops . professional coffee people make it for you and you give them these green pieces of paper and you get to drink it . '' `` green pieces of paper ? '' `` or silver coins . '' `` or plastic cards . '' `` but they do n't have stories about threesomes like you do . '' `` oh , i 'm sure if you ask around enough someone will . '' she scooped the coffee with a slightly shaking hand . could you have a tiramisu hangover ? jesus , dylan had used a lot of rum in that delightfully scrumptious dessert . pressing a few buttons , she got the coffee going and plopped down in a kitchen chair . `` you 're here to interrogate me , are n't you ? '' she said , resigned . `` so whassup ? '' josie stretched the word out in an annoying mimic of an old beer commercial 's frog actors . `` you a little sore today ? that dylan might be short but i 'll bet he has a dick the size of a coke can . '' but she 'd never tell josie that ! `` i just crossed over my own line . '' josie held out her palms in a surrender gesture . i blame caffeine deficiency . '' `` blame your genetics . your mom 's way worse . remember how she announced to everyone in the marching band our freshman year that you needed to use non-chlorinated tampons because you could n't bear to experience another rash - and then had pictures to warn other girls away from - `` josie shuddered and interrupted loudly . `` no , yo mama . '' `` no , yo mama ! '' were they really back in seventh grade ? `` i do n't have a mama . she died that day . '' laura chuckled . `` you wish she 'd died that day , because three years later when we graduated , there she was at commencement , under the bleachers , banging the band director . '' `` she likes a little pomp with her circumstance . '' `` she made it clear to the whole auditorium how much she liked his wand . '' `` topic change ! '' josie shouted , leaping for the coffee maker . `` her crescendo , too , was - `` `` oh , my god , stop ! '' am i going too far ? '' laura said facetiously , playing it up . `` have i crossed a decency boundary ? have i made you uncomfortable talking about sex ? '' `` my mother 's sex - `` `` i would n't want to force you to talk about anything so prurient . that would be being a bad friend , now , would n't it ? '' josie finally got the hint . `` was it weird ? being with two guys like that ? i mean , and not sleeping with them ? '' laura rubbed her eyes . why was josie getting on her last nerve lately ? she was still angry with her for pouring everything out to mike and dylan . why not make her walk around nak*d with a sign that said `` ask me anything '' ? if your best friend could n't keep your secrets , who could ? that night at jeddy 's had been one of the most stressful and surreal in her entire life , warlock balls and all . when she 'd learned , later , what josie had told the guys , after dylan blurted it all out in a tiramisu-induced haze , she 'd come home and nearly killed josie . the morning coffee routine was getting old . what was n't getting old , though , was this developing relationship between her and the guys . the guys . even that was surreal and weird . ah , hell - nothing about this threesome was n't bizarre , so she was getting tired of labeling it all as outside the mainstream . an internal argument deep within her raged on , one part telling her this was madness and a stronger , more settled part humming along nicely , ignoring the part that screamed `` freak ! '' speaking of freaks , josie was saying something through sips of java . `` if you kiss one of them , do you have to kiss the other ? '' laura poured herself a cup . might as well benefit from the fruits of her labor . that , and she needed the jolt . yet another uncomfortable conversation with josie , though she had to admit that the girl definitely helped sometimes , making her think about things she had n't considered . `` does it have to be 50/50 ? if you sleep with one , do you have to sleep with the other ? or is it always a threesome ? is there always double , well - you know ? 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["needed", 1519], ["use", 1526], ["non", 1530], ["tampon", 1550], ["tampons", 1550], ["bore", 1577], ["bear", 1577], ["bearest", 1577], ["experience", 1591], ["experienced", 1591], ["another", 1599], ["rash", 1604], ["picture", 1628], ["pictures", 1628], ["warn", 1636], ["girl", 1648], ["girls", 1648], ["away", 1653], ["shudder", 1679], ["shuddering", 1679], ["shudderest", 1679], ["shuddered", 1679], ["interrupt", 1695], ["interruptest", 1695], ["interrupted", 1695], ["loudly", 1702], ["yo", 1715], ["mama", 1720], ["mamas", 1720], ["really", 1763], ["back", 1768], ["seventh", 1779], ["grade", 1785], ["die", 1822], ["died", 1822], ["day", 1831], ["chuckle", 1851], ["chuckled", 1851], ["wish", 1865], ["three", 1902], ["year", 1908], ["years", 1908], ["later", 1914], ["graduate", 1932], ["graduated", 1932], ["commencement", 1964], ["bleacher", 1986], ["bleachers", 1986], ["bang", 1996], ["banging", 1996], ["director", 2014], ["like", 2032], ["likes", 2032], ["pomp", 2046], ["circumstance", 2068], ["clear", 2094], ["clearest", 2094], ["whole", 2107], ["wholes", 2107], ["auditorium", 2118], ["auditoriums", 2118], ["much", 2127], ["like", 2137], ["liked", 2137], ["wand", 2146], ["topic", 2160], ["change", 2167], ["shout", 2186], ["shouted", 2186], ["leap", 2196], ["leaps", 2196], ["leaping", 2196], ["maker", 2217], ["crescendo", 2236], ["crescendos", 2236], ["god", 2268], ["stop", 2275], ["far", 2299], ["facetiously", 2327], ["play", 2337], ["playest", 2337], ["playing", 2337], ["decency", 2373], ["boundary", 2382], ["uncomfortable", 2414], ["talk", 2422], ["talking", 2422], ["sex", 2432], ["mother", 2450], ["mothered", 2450], ["motherest", 2450], ["force", 2491], ["talk", 2503], ["anything", 2518], ["prurient", 2530], ["bad", 2558], ["friend", 2565], ["finally", 2605], ["hint", 2618], ["hinting", 2618], ["weird", 2636], ["two", 2653], ["twos", 2653], ["guy", 2658], ["guys", 2658], ["mean", 2677], ["meanest", 2677], ["slept", 2696], ["sleep", 2696], 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3850], ["sips", 3850], ["java", 3858], ["kiss", 3875], ["kisses", 3875], ["kissest", 3875], ["pour", 3937], ["poured", 3937], ["cup", 3951], ["well", 3967], ["wells", 3967], ["benefit", 3975], ["fruit", 3991], ["fruits", 3991], ["labor", 4004], ["jolt", 4037], ["jolted", 4037], ["yet", 4043], ["conversation", 4078], ["admit", 4115], ["girl", 4129], ["definitely", 4140], ["help", 4147], ["helpest", 4147], ["helped", 4147], ["think", 4176], ["thinkest", 4176], ["thing", 4189], ["things", 4189], ["consider", 4212], ["considered", 4212], ["slept", 4257], ["sleep", 4257], ["sleeps", 4257], ["sleepest", 4257], ["always", 4322], ["double", 4359]]
audrey considered , teeth set in her cherry-glossed lower lip . `` it might be perfectly natural . you might have had the park on your mind , since you were coming back here and all . '' `` or it might be something else , '' jenny said . `` like -i do n't know , some kind of a message . '' `` look , do any of you ever wonder if-well , if summer is really dead ? '' audrey looked shocked . dee said dryly , `` we 've been telling the police so for a month . '' but michael , eyes round and thoroughly awake now , said , `` she was alive in my dream . she talked just like her . '' jenny felt uneasy . `` she was mad at us for leaving her . jenny felt even more uneasy . audrey said , `` so you think maybe both dreams were connected or something ? and that it was some kind of a message ? '' and i do n't even know why anyone could possibly want to send us to an amusement park ... she could feel herself deflating . dee grinned wickedly and thumped her on the back . `` you went with your instinct ; that ca n't be wrong . and even if it was n't a message-so what ? it 's an amusement park . good , clean fun . `` i 'd rather go shopping , '' audrey said . `` but it 's a way to kill the time . '' michael slumped and jammed his knees against the battered metal seat in front of him . `` and kill our money . did i ever tell you about this amusement park nightmare i had when i was a kid- ? '' `` shut up , michael , '' three female voices chorused , and he shut up . it was a long , rather lonely drive to west mifflin . joyland park seemed to be one of the few places still in business in a rundown and isolated area . it was almost a surprise to find it out here , in the middle of nowhere . michael made an inarticulate noise of awe as they filed off the bus . `` good grief , '' he said mildly . `` it 's noah 's ark . '' `` that 's the fun house , '' jenny said . `` you go in the whale by the side there . '' even in the bright sunshine she felt strange as they walked through the gates . maybe because it 's changed , she told herself . this place really had changed . the fun house was the same , but a lot of other things were different . the old train ride roller coaster was gone , and there was a mine ride called the pit in its place . there was a new metal coaster called the steel demon and a new water ride-the kind where you slosh around in giant inner tubes . the biggest shock was the new arcade . it was full of shining video games , holograms , virtual reality . jenny missed the old penny arcade , which had been dark and somewhat spooky , filled with machines from the turn of the century . ancient , beautifully carved wood and genuine brass-not this steel and neon stuff . but as time passed , she felt less anxious . she could n't help it-the park was irresistible . she breathed in the smell of popcorn and ride-grease- and something else , something that was like a smell , but was n't . a cotton-candy feeling of excitement . `` i do n't see why summer would want us to come here , '' audrey said when they stopped to buy corn dogs . i do n't think it was a message after all . '' jenny was glad to say it . whatever horrible things they might have to face that night , they could enjoy themselves now . michael 's blissful corn-dog smile broke up for a moment . `` maybe it 's better that way , '' he said indistinctly . `` i 'd rather be dead than be what summer was in that dream . '' they went on the roller coasters , screaming , jenny 's loose hair blowing like a banner . the steel demon was good , but everyone agreed they liked the creaking , clattering old wooden coasters best . `` scarier , '' dee said with relish . `` could break any minute -it feels like `` the mine ride was supposed to be scary . `` this is a gold mine ? '' audrey asked skeptically while lights strobed wildly to simulate dynamite exploding . `` use your imagination , '' michael said , slipping an arm around her . it made her so homesick for tom that she had to hold her eyes wide open and blinking , willing the tears back where they belonged . the fun house really was scary . a barrel-shaped brick `` wall '' revolved around them until nobody but dee could walk straight . the floor shifted and swayed until michael threatened to sue-or throw up . `` c'mere , '' dee said gleefully , beckoning jenny closer . behind a glass wall a red figure was vaguely visible .	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edwina and jacques reynaud used the site to promote their new venture , the byron reynaud foundation , which benefitted orphaned or displaced weres . judging from the information colin found , the reynauds were kind and generous souls who 'd decided to devote their golden years to doing good works . they did n't seem like the sort to reject a granddaughter who provided the only connection to their beloved son . colin was n't sure how luna would react when he told her how he 'd spent his morning . but she needed to know what he 'd been up to , and a trip to seattle would give them plenty of time to discuss it . if all went well , they might chance a visit to the reynauds , although luna might choose not to identify herself as their granddaughter . but first he 'd needed to get luna to seattle . barging into her office with the suggestion had n't seemed right , and then fortune had smiled on him . with less than an hour before takeoff , he 'd met her on the stairway and coerced her into coming along . having dulcie there to support his plan had been a bonus . luna had n't wanted to go , which did n't surprise him . but he was willing to manipulate the situation to get her into the chopper and on her way to seattle . he 'd insulted her background and caused her pain when he 'd wanted to give her joy . she was right to ignore him now . but he fervently hoped that eventually she might get to know her grandparents . helping her connect with her family again might make up for the fact that he 'd unwittingly forced her to reveal her secret . he passed out the lunch , sandwiches all around and those silly little juice boxes americans were so fond of . the helicopter ride was as noisy this morning as it had been the last time he 'd flown over puget sound . he sat back and tried not to be bothered by the easy interaction between knox and luna . knox took pains to give her a good show , pointing out sights and angling the chopper so she could see more easily . when they flew over a pod of orcas , luna pressed her nose to the window until they were out of sight , and then gave knox a dazzling smile and a thumbs-up . colin ground his teeth together , not happy with being odd man out even if he deserved it . she used to smile at him like that , but thanks to the phone call and what came afterward , she 'd stopped smiling when she looked at him . god , how he missed her smile . he tried to convince himself a friendship between knox and luna was a good thing . now that colin had removed luna 's fear of sex , she was free to explore that side of her nature , and she should after being celibate for so long . he 'd been lucky to be her first lover , but he did n't expect to be her last . knox trevelyan seemed like a considerate , intelligent sort , someone who would appreciate luna 's finer qualities . once the inn opened for business , knox would probably fly guests over on a regular basis . he might even park the chopper on the helipad and stay the night . yes , it would be extremely noble of him to give his blessing to a sexual relationship between knox and luna . but he was n't that noble . fortunately he 'd be in scotland and would n't know what was going on . he suspected they would gravitate toward each other , though , and his imagination would torture him with images of knox and luna together . by the time knox landed the helicopter on the roof of the trevelyan enterprises building in downtown seattle , colin was in a mood . he had no bloody right to be in a mood , either . he had no claim on luna and would never have one . but no matter how many times he told himself that , whenever he looked at her , something primitive inside him howled mine . he was a civilized were , one who was n't ruled by his primitive instincts , thank god . if he were , he would have mated with luna last night . he went very still , mesmerized by that unacceptable thought . it had hovered , unacknowledged , in the back of his mind ever since he 'd met her . he 'd agreed that she could run the inn , but some part of him had known that he had other plans for her . those plans had n't risen to a conscious level because his pack would object to an american were with no pack affiliation . he would have had to win them over gradually , but he could have done it . now , however ... now he was caught in a trap of his own making . taking luna as his mate would contradict his belief that the races should n't mix . because she had human blood , she could potentially bear human children , although the chances were lower than with a human-were mating . still , the possibility was there .	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they were talking quietly and gesturing in a very involved manner at the oak tree , the way luce had seen her drama teacher gesture when the students were blocking a scene in a play . `` are you and your father late arrivals to our tour ? '' mr. cole asked cam , this time more loudly . `` you 've missed most of it , but there 's still an interesting fact or two i 'm sure i could impart . '' cam slowly turned his head their way , then back at his companion , who seemed amused . luce did n't think the man , with his classic tall , dark , and handsome good looks and huge gold watch , looked old enough to be cam 's father . but maybe he had just aged well . cam 's eyes skimmed luce 's bare neck , and he seemed briefly disappointed . she blushed , because she could feel her mother taking in the whole scene and wondering just what was going on . cam ignored mr. cole and approached luce 's mother , drawing her hand to his lips before anyone could even introduce them . `` you must be luce 's older sister , '' he said rakishly . to her left , penn gagged into her elbow and whispered so only luce could hear , `` please tell me someone else is nauseated . '' but luce 's mom seemed somewhat dazzled , in a way that made luce - and her father , clearly - uncomfortable . `` no , we ca n't stay for the tour , '' cam announced , winking at luce and drawing back just as luce 's father approached . `` but it was so lovely '' - he glanced at each of the three of them , excluding only penn - `` to encounter you here . let 's go , dad . '' luce 's mother whispered when cam and his father , or whoever he had been , disappeared back up the side of the cemetery . `` oh , just one of luce 's admirers , '' penn said , trying to lighten the mood and doing exactly the opposite . luce 's father peered down at penn . in the late-afternoon light , luce could see for the first time a few gray whiskers in her dad 's beard . she did n't want to spend today 's last moments convincing her father not to worry about the boys at her reform school . `` it 's nothing , dad , penn 's kidding . '' `` we want you to be careful , lucinda , '' he said . luce thought about what daniel had suggested - quite strongly - the other day . that maybe she should n't be at sword and cross at all . and suddenly she wanted so badly to bring it up to her parents , to beg and plead for them to take her far away from here . but it was that same memory of daniel that made luce hold her tongue . the thrilling touch of his skin on hers when she 'd pushed him down at the lake , the way his eyes were sometimes the saddest things she knew . it felt at once absolutely crazy and absolutely true that it might be worth all of this hell at sword and cross just to spend a little more time with daniel . just to see if anything might come of it . `` i hate goodbyes , '' luce 's mother breathed , interrupting her daughter 's thoughts to draw her in for a brisk hug . luce looked down at her watch and her face fell . she did n't know how the afternoon had gone by so quickly , how it could already be time for them to go . `` you 'll call us on wednesday ? '' her dad asked , kissing both her cheeks the way the french side of his family always did . as they all walked back up toward the parking lot , luce 's parents gripped her hands . each of them gave her another strong hug and series of kisses . when they shook penn 's hand and wished her well , luce saw a video camera clamped to the brick post housing a broken call box at the exit . there must have been a motion detector attached to the reds , because the camera was panning , following their movement . this one had n't been on arriane 's tour and was certainly not a dead red . luce 's parents noticed nothing - and maybe it was better that way . then they were walking away , looking back twice to wave at the two girls standing at the entrance to the main lobby . dad cranked up his old black chrysler new yorker and rolled down the window . `` we love you , '' he called out so loudly that luce would have been embarrassed if she had n't been so sad to see them go . luce waved back . for the pralines and the okra . for spending all day here . for taking penn under your wing , no questions asked . for still loving me despite the fact that i scare you . when the taillights disappeared around the bend , penn tapped luce 's back . `` i was thinking i 'd go see my dad . '' she kicked the ground with the toe of her boot and looked bashfully up at luce .	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so do me a favor -- '' `` no . you do n't get to ask me for favors . everything about you disgusts me . '' `` then do it for grigori . stay on campus . '' he icked his cigarette onto the grass , rolled back his shoulders , and unfurled his wings . `` i ca n't always be here to watch over you . and god knows grigori ca n't . '' cam 's wings were tall and narrow and pulled tight behind his shoulders , sleek and gold and ecked with brindled stripes of black . she wished they repulsed her , but they did n't . like steven 's wings , cam 's were jagged , rough -- they too looked as though they 'd survived a lifetime of ghts . the black stripes gave cam 's wings a dark , sensual quality . there was something magnetic about them . she loathed everything about cam . she would forever . cam beat his wings once , lifting his feet o the ground . the wings ' apping was tremendously loud and kicked back a swirl of wind that raised leaves from the ground . `` thank you , '' luce said , crisply , before he coasted under the deck . then he was gone in the shadows of the woods . cam was protecting her now ? was n't shoreline supposed to be safe ? in cam 's wake , the announcer -- the reason luce had come down here in the rst place -- spiraled up from its shadow like a small black cyclone . then a little closer still . finally , the shadow wandered into the air just over her head . `` shelby , '' luce whispered loudly . shelby looked down at luce . at the cyclone-shaped announcer teetering over her . she asked , sprinting down the stairs just in time to watch the whole massive announcer tumble down . straight into luce 's arms . luce screamed -- but luckily , shelby clapped a hand over her mouth . `` thank you , '' luce said , her words mu ed against shelby 's ngers . the girls were still huddled three steps down from the deck , in plain view of anyone who might cross over to the shady side . luce could n't straighten her knees under the weight of the shadow . it was the heaviest one she 'd ever touched , and the coldest on her skin . it was n't black like most of the others , but a sickly greenish gray . parts of it were still twitching , lighting up like bolts of distant lightning . `` i do n't have a good feeling about this , '' shelby said . `` come on , '' luce whispered . `` i summoned it . now it 's your turn to do the glimpsing . '' `` my turn ? who said anything about me having a turn ? you 're the one who dragged me down here . '' shelby waved her hands like the last thing on earth she wanted to do was touch the beast in luce 's arms . `` i know i said i 'd help you track down your relatives , but whatever kind of relative you 've got in here ... i do n't think either of us wants to meet . '' `` shelby , please , '' luce begged , groaning from the weight , the chill , and the general nastiness of the shadow . `` i 'm not a nephilim . if you do n't help me , i ca n't do this . '' a voice behind them from the top of the stairs . steven had his hands clamped down on the banister and was glaring at the girls . he seemed larger than he did in class , towering over them , as if he had doubled in size . his deep brown eyes looked stormy , but luce could feel the heat coming o them , and she was scared . even the announcer in her arms trembled and edged away . both girls were so startled they screamed . jarred by the sound , the shadow bolted from luce 's arms . it moved so fast she had no chance to stop it , and it left nothing behind but a freezing , foul-smelling wake . in the distance , a bell rang . luce could sense all the other kids trooping o toward the mess hall for lunch . on his way out , miles stuck his head over the railing and peered down at luce , but he took one look at steven 's red-hot expression , widened his eyes , and moved along . `` luce , '' steven said , more politely than she expected . `` would you mind seeing me after school ? '' when he lifted his hands o the railing , the wood underneath them was scorched black . steven opened the door before luce even knocked . his gray shirt was a bit wrinkled and his black knit tie was loosened at the neck . but he had regained the appearance of serenity , which luce was beginning to realize took e ort for a demon .	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["beg", 2768], ["groan", 2779], ["groans", 2779], ["groanest", 2779], ["groaning", 2779], ["chill", 2807], ["chills", 2807], ["chilling", 2807], ["general", 2825], ["nastiness", 2835], ["nephilim", 2874], ["voice", 2930], ["top", 2955], ["clamp", 3000], ["clamps", 3000], ["clamped", 3000], ["banister", 3021], ["glare", 3037], ["glaring", 3037], ["seem", 3062], ["seeming", 3062], ["seemed", 3062], ["large", 3069], ["larger", 3069], ["class", 3090], ["classing", 3090], ["classest", 3090], ["tower", 3101], ["towered", 3101], ["towerest", 3101], ["towering", 3101], ["double", 3134], ["doubled", 3134], ["size", 3142], ["deep", 3153], ["deeply", 3153], ["brown", 3159], ["browns", 3159], ["eye", 3164], ["eyed", 3164], ["eyes", 3164], ["stormy", 3178], ["feel", 3200], ["heat", 3209], ["heats", 3209], ["heated", 3209], ["come", 3216], ["coming", 3216], ["even", 3251], ["evens", 3251], ["tremble", 3286], ["trembles", 3286], ["trembled", 3286], ["edge", 3296], ["edges", 3296], ["edged", 3296], ["away", 3301], ["jar", 3354], ["jared", 3354], ["jarred", 3354], ["jarring", 3354], ["sound", 3367], ["bolt", 3387], ["bolts", 3387], ["bolted", 3387], ["move", 3416], ["moved", 3416], ["fast", 3424], ["chance", 3442], ["chanced", 3442], ["chancing", 3442], ["stop", 3450], ["left", 3467], ["leave", 3467], ["nothing", 3475], ["freezing", 3497], ["foul", 3504], ["fouling", 3504], ["smell", 3513], ["smelt", 3513], ["smellest", 3513], ["smelling", 3513], ["distance", 3536], ["distancing", 3536], ["bell", 3545], ["belling", 3545], ["sense", 3569], ["kid", 3588], ["kids", 3588], ["troop", 3597], ["trooping", 3597], ["toward", 3606], ["mess", 3615], ["messed", 3615], ["messing", 3615], ["hall", 3620], ["lunch", 3630], ["lunched", 3630], ["lunches", 3630], ["way", 3643], ["ways", 3643], ["mile", 3655], ["miles", 3655], ["stick", 3661], ["stickest", 3661], ["stuck", 3661], ["railing", 3687], ["peer", 3698], ["peered", 3698], ["take", 3725], ["took", 3725], ["look", 3734], ["red", 3751], ["hot", 3755], ["expression", 3766], ["widen", 3776], ["widened", 3776], ["along", 3803], ["politely", 3846], ["expect", 3864], ["expected", 3864], ["mind", 3884], ["minding", 3884], ["see", 3891], ["seeing", 3891], ["school", 3907], ["schooling", 3907], ["lift", 3927], ["lifted", 3927], ["wood", 3962], ["underneath", 3973], ["scorch", 3991], ["scorched", 3991], ["open", 4013], ["opened", 4013], ["door", 4022], ["knock", 4047], ["knocks", 4047], ["knockest", 4047], ["knocked", 4047], ["shirt", 4064], ["bit", 4074], ["bits", 4074], ["knit", 4102], ["knits", 4102], ["knitted", 4102], ["tie", 4106], ["tying", 4106], ["tieing", 4106], ["loosen", 4119], ["loosenest", 4119], ["loosened", 4119], ["neck", 4131], ["necked", 4131], ["regain", 4153], ["regained", 4153], ["appearance", 4168], ["serenity", 4180], ["begin", 4207], ["beginning", 4207], ["realize", 4218], ["e", 4225], ["ing", 4225], ["eest", 4225], ["ort", 4229], ["demon", 4241]]
trees whizzed past , mere slashes of green . `` did we lose pretty boy , then ? '' rome flicked me an irritated glance . `` after everything he 's done , you think he 's pretty ? '' `` did we lose him or not ? '' `` yeah , about a mile back . '' he snorted out a laugh . there was an uncomfortable silence for several seconds . then , `` i have a friend , '' rome said hesitantly . `` she might be able to help us . '' okay , i seriously did n't like rome having a female friend . a twinge of jealousy ribboned through me , and my hands clenched in my lap . i 'm petty , foolish and absolutely ridiculous . but really , she ? somehow , in the last few minutes-yes , minutes-i 'd come to consider rome my property . i did n't like him having a female friend . after all , men and women could n't be friends without sleeping together . just a fact of life . `` we 'll stay the night with her , '' rome continued , `` then figure out what to do with our third wheel . '' `` third wheel ? '' `` the kid , remember ? '' rome motioned to the back of the car with a tilt of his chin . i peeked at tanner again . he had yet to awaken . his lean body was strewn across the cushions , his features soft with dreams . clumps of blue hair hung over his eyebrow rings . why had n't he woken up during all the commotion ? my mouth dried as the answer sprang to mind ; i whipped around to face rome . he frowned at me , offended . `` i gave him something to knock him out for a while . `` you and your drugs , '' i muttered , but i was relieved . `` so you neutralized him ? '' his frown curled into a wicked half smile he tried to hide . my gaze roved over tanner once again . `` i 'm concerned with how deeply he 's sleeping . '' `` i used a perfectly safe combination i like to call the beddie-bye cocktail . he 'll wake up in the morning with a slight headache , that 's all . '' `` he 's just a kid , rome . if he 's expected home , his parents might call the police when they realize he 's missing . '' rome made a fast left turn and accelerated . `` i did a quick background check on him . his mom left on his eighth birthday , and his dad , who raised him alone since , died a few months ago . the kid inherited some money , and he takes off a lot to spend it . no one will miss him or suspect foul play . '' no wonder tanner had seemed needy . no wonder he 'd wanted to stay with me . he truly had no one else . he 'd lost everyone he loved . i 'd lost my mom all those years ago , but i 'd been too young to know her . more than that , i 'd had my dad to lean on . my heart ached for tanner , and i found myself reaching out and tracing my fingertip over his cheek . what would i do if-when-my dad died and i was left on my own ? a sharp pang radiated in my chest , leaving me feeling hollow . in the next instant , a droplet of water splashed onto my cheek , followed quickly by a drop that landed on the side of my nose . brow furrowing , i wiped them away . `` is it- '' i eyed the solid roof of the car `` -raining in here ? '' `` jesus , belle . good thoughts . good thoughts ! '' another droplet . confused , i turned to rome . liquid drops were sprinkling over him , as well , as if a small rain cloud had invaded the car . `` i 'm doing this , too ? '' `` are you experiencing a strong surge of emotion ? '' `` then you 're doing this . '' i covered my mouth with my hand ; my eyes widened . i do n't want my every emotion to create a change in the weather . i want to feel and not worry that i 'm going to burn , freeze or drown someone . '' the fine lines around his eyes tightened , and the shadows on his cheeks deepened . in that moment he looked scary , but so comforting i could have thrown myself in his arms . `` the formula sucks ass , but there 's nothing we can do about it right now . '' `` why did dr. roberts create the formula in the first place ? '' i asked with a gulp . `` from what i 've heard , he meant to do america a great service . he wanted to make our military stronger . he just fell in with the wrong people , people who hoped to exploit his ambition . '' rome reached over and massaged my neck . `` it wo n't always be this hard for you . '' `` you 'll learn to control the abilities . 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when there was nothing left in her stomach , she went to the sink and washed her hands and face , rinsed out her mouth . her whole body felt trembly and weak . her face in the mirror was bone-pale and drawn . for the first time she noticed the dark shadows under her eyes . maybe she was coming down with the stomach flu , she thought . everyone at playgroup was sick this week . still feeling shaky , she returned to the table , under her mother 's watchful gaze . `` i 'm fine , '' kate said , taking her seat . `` i took marah to playgroup this weekend . all the kids were sick . '' she waited for her mother to respond . when the silence went on and on , kate finally looked up . `` mayonnaise , '' her mother said . `` it made you sick when you were pregnant with marah , too . '' it felt as if the chair beneath kate just evaporated-poof ! disappeared-and she was falling fast . several annoyances clicked into place and became clues : tender br**sts even though she was n't having her period ; trouble sleeping ; exhaustion . she closed her eyes and shook her head , sighing . she 'd wanted another baby-she and johnny both did-but it had been so long , they 'd given up . and now everything was going so well with the writing . she did n't want to go back to sleepless nights and crying babies and days that left her too tired to answer a question at the dinner table , let alone write a story . `` you 'll just take a little longer to get published , '' her mother said . `` you 'll be able to do both . '' `` we wanted another baby , '' she said , trying to smile . `` and i 'll still keep writing . she almost had herself convinced . `` i can do it with two kids . '' on thursday , two days later , she found out she was having twins . part four the new millennium a moment like this some people wait a lifetime chapter twenty-three by 2000 , kate rarely paused in the whirlwind chaos of her everyday life to wonder where the years had gone . contemplation and reflection , like relaxation , were thoughts from another era , ideas from another life . the road not taken , as they used to say . a woman with three children-a ten-year-old girl who was fast approaching puberty and twin boys under two-simply did n't have time to think about herself much , and the number of years that separated her kids ' ages created almost two families . she knew now why women had their children closer together . starting over doubled a mother 's exhaustion level . her days were consumed by details , and this surprisingly sunny morning in march was no exception . the chores stacked up , one on top of another , until she found herself running from sunrise to well past sunset . the crappy part was that she never seemed to accomplish anything substantial , yet she almost never had an hour to herself . the at-home mother 's life : it was a race with no finish line . that was what they talked about in the carpool line as they waited for their kids to leave school . that , and divorce . every month lately it seemed that one seemingly solid marriage had shown its crumbling clay foundation . except today was n't just another ordinary bead in the strand of her life . today , tully was coming to seattle for a promotional tour . it would be the first time they 'd seen each other in months , and kate could n't wait . she needed some girlfriend time . she hurried through her to do list-dropped marah off at school , spent too long at safeway , bought all-new makeup at rite aid , made it to the library in time for reading hour , picked up johnny 's dry cleaning , got the boys down for their naps , and cleaned the house . by two-thirty , as she pulled out of the carpool lane-again-she was exhausted . `` aunt tully 's coming to spend the night tonight , right , mommy ? '' marah said from the backseat . she looked tiny , wedged in as she was between the boys ' dump-truck-sized car seats . `` are you gon na wear makeup ? '' kate could n't help smiling at that . she was n't quite sure how it had happened , but somehow she 'd raised a tiny beauty queen . at ten , marah already had more fashion sense and style sensibility than kate ever had . she watched in amazement as her tall , slim ten-year-old daughter poured over the teen fashion magazines and memorized designer names . school shopping was a terror . if marah did n't find exactly what she wanted , she went ballistic . there was rarely any doubt in kate 's mind that her daughter was judging her appearance . more often than not , she knew she was found lacking . `` i will definitely wear makeup . i 'll even curl my hair , how 's that ? '' `` can i wear lip gloss ?	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`` since i 'm beginning my investigation of my family , i thought i should n't put it off . '' `` is it making you sad ? '' he put the diary aside and rubbed his eyes behind his glasses . `` it 's tragic more than anything else . she graduated from high school and moved into the city to share an apartment with a girlfriend . her first job was working for my father 's company . one of his secretaries went on maternity leave and she filled in temporarily . that 's how they met . '' `` she was young . '' julia clasped her hand in his . he glanced down at their connection . `` almost as young as you when i met you . funny how history repeats itself . '' `` do n't , '' julia said , in a low voice . `` you could have gone down that road . `` i went down that road with someone else . '' julia felt her anger flame . `` you did n't abandon paulina . you cared for her for years . you are not the kind of man who would abandon your child . '' gabriel 's voice was a cross between a growl and a plea . julia reached up to remove his glasses , lying across his body to place them on the nightstand . then she lifted her face , still reclining over him . `` gabriel emerson , you are not the kind of man who would abandon your child . and as much as you might think of yourself as the seducer , we both know our seduction was mutual . '' he stroked her hair lightly before lifting her chin and bringing their lips together . `` our seduction was most definitely mutual . you 're the only woman who ever persuaded me to give my heart . and you still seduce me , mrs. emerson . gabriel stroked her hair again . `` it sounds as if my parents ' affair started while they were working long hours together . one night , he kissed her . things progressed ... '' `` did he love her ? '' he bought her extravagant gifts . he would n't be seen in public with her , but they 'd meet at hotels . '' julia fingered her necklace unconsciously . `` i saw some of the jewelry in your desk . there are things from tiffany and what looks like a wedding band . '' `` he gave her that ring when i was born . she used to wear it and pretend she was married . what a farce . '' `` it 's possible he did it to protect her . '' `` julianne , nothing my father did protected her . '' `` she was young and had lived a sheltered life with her family . she expected he 'd leave his wife and family for her . julia tightened her arms around him . `` what have you done to find out more about your family ? '' `` i sent an email to carson , asking him to make inquiries about the emersons and about my father . '' `` i made a few phone calls today and was able to schedule an appointment with dr. townsend . and a urologist . '' i know you 're anxious . but no matter what you discover , we 'll face it together . '' he sighed and brought his hand up to cup the back of her head . `` if you 're serious about learning more about your mother , i 'll help you . '' she turned to lie on her back , staring up at the ceiling . `` my father has her stuff . i do n't think it 's a good idea to ask about it . he 's got a lot on his mind . '' `` diane sent me an email about my bridesmaid dress . i 'm supposed to pick it up when we arrive . '' julia was quiet for a moment , thinking . `` do you think god has forgiven you ? '' `` because of our conversation in the shower . you seem to think your past has n't really been forgiven . '' `` when i was in assisi , after we 'd been separated , it felt as if god forgave me . '' `` but you still look at yourself and do n't like what you see ? '' i have so many faults . '' `` so do all human beings , sweetheart . '' `` maybe i 'm more conscious of my own sin . '' `` maybe you have n't accepted the grace and forgiveness you 've been offered . '' `` i 'm not saying this to grieve you . i see how far you 've come , and it 's nothing short of a miracle . but part of that miracle is recognizing the magnitude of the grace . '' `` i did so many terrible things , '' he whispered . `` and god 's forgiveness is so small . '' julia glanced at him out of the corner of her eye . `` but you act like that sometimes-as if you 're still in hell . as if god could n't forgive you . '' `` i want to be better . '' `` then be better . accept the fact that god did n't bring you this far only to abandon you . he is n't that kind of father .	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of course , annie only read the gossips to keep her up-to-date on who was 'in ' and who was n't . it was necessary in her line of work . she 'd seen zack 's type before . she 'd grown up around people like him . her father had attracted the womanizers and she 'd spend most of her childhood avoiding them . it seemed she would n't be able to avoid zack dimarco , not for a few days at least . she uncrossed her legs , hot from the stockings . she wished she had n't worn them . she had on a short cream skirt , a matching short-sleeved jacket and black accessories . on her feet she wore a pair of three inch heels she 'd bought two years ago in an attempt to make her appear taller around the supermodel turned pop princess mccallum and horton were courting . the supermodel signed with jamieson and jamieson before annie got to wear them and they 'd been relegated to the back of her closet ever since . she hoped they might make her more conspicuous in a restaurant full of pretty young things . but no one took much notice of a five-foot two woman with caramel colored hair and br**sts that did n't defy the laws of gravity . this was la after all . she 'd give zack another fifteen minutes . usually she would n't wait that long but she owed bob . he was more than her boss , he 'd been her father 's friend . if meeting zack improved their chances of getting dug-e , then she 'd do it . seeing zack in the flesh had nothing to do with it . ten minutes later , the roar of an engine drew everyone 's attention . she knew without even turning that zack had arrived . who else would be so arrogant as to be nearly an hour late for an appointment then offend all the diners with the noise of a fancy car ? she turned casually so as not to appear too eager , and watched as two long , jeans-clad legs stepped from a black ferrari . he was the total package . her gaze traveled from his legs , past the intriguing bulge in his jeans , up to his narrow hips and broad chest , straight into the darkest eyes she 'd ever seen . she nearly choked on her iced tea when those eyes gazed directly at her , then looked past her as if she was n't there . chapter 2 not a good start . annie had never met zack dimarco but she knew who he was . every woman in the country knew him . his face was in the business and society pages every week , usually next to a buxom blonde 's , and his reputation was a talking point at parties he attended , and many he did n't . not that annie had ever attended the same parties , but she 'd heard about him on the grapevine . zack nodded nonchalantly at the waiter who nearly fell over himself in his eagerness to lead him to annie 's table . she quickly turned away and studied the wall of the cafe with what she hoped was ennui . no need to give him an even bigger ego boost by allowing him to see her interest . `` annie mccallum ? '' wow , even his voice was sexy . thick and syrupy . imagine that low hum whispering sweet nothings into her ear ... whoa , slow down , girl or you 'll make a fool of yourself . they shook hands and introduced themselves . `` sit down , mr. dimarco , '' annie ordered , then added `` please '' when she heard how sharp she sounded . he raised an eyebrow but said nothing as he sat opposite her . the waiter returned with a menu . zack waved it away . `` beer , '' he said . annie thought he 'd at least order something a little more sophisticated . something to go with the ferrari parked arrogantly close to the front door . i like to drink beer on a hot day . that alright with you , miss mccallum ? '' `` it 's ms . mccallum . '' zack 's mouth twitched . `` and you can call me zack . '' wow , he had amazing eyes . they were the color of dark chocolate surrounded by a fringe of thick lashes . his skin was naturally dark and he had slightly wavy , short black hair . his face was more honed than any italian masterpiece , with hard lines and soft lips . why did bob have to set her up with a man who was way out of her league ? she wondered if he was dating anyone . she bit her lip to stop herself from asking . just keep your mouth shut as much as possible , annie mccallum , and you might not end up looking like a nerd . `` a little strange this , is n't it ? '' zack said , taking the beer from the waiter . `` you mean you do n't teach people how to be rebels every day of the week ? 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nevertheless , he supposed it was n't his role in life to decide who got what and how much . so he pushed the thought away , opened the door of his brand new porsche carrera-okay , so he 'd already bought himself a material reward-and unfolded himself from inside . the winter wind whipped around him again , and he tugged the collar of his ungaro overcoat-okay , two material rewards-up over his bare neck . then he approached the mcclellans ' front door as he checked the time on his breitling watch . three material rewards . noting that he was a few minutes early , he lifted leather-clad fingers to the brass door knocker , an art deco sun with an expression on its face pendleton could only liken to completely soused . after four quick falls of the knocker , he stepped back to await a response . within seconds , the door opened , and he was met by a slender , white-haired woman with a very nice smile . mcclellan ? '' `` mrs. mcclellan passed away two years ago . i 'm mrs. mason , the mcclellans ' housekeeper . pendleton . '' the mr. part surprised him for a moment . even having been employed at hensley 's for such a short time , he had already begun to think of himself as just pendleton . `` yes , ma'am , '' he returned with a smile of his own . `` please come in , '' mrs. mason told him , stepping to the side of the door . she swept an arm toward the interior , seemingly oblivious to the fact that it felt like it was about a hundred below zero outside . as he entered and watched her close the door softly behind him , pendleton noted that she wore the traditional livery of a housemaid-a plain black dress with white collar and cuffs . she lifted her hands at shoulder level , and for a moment , he wondered why she was surrendering . then he realized she was waiting to help him remove his coat so she could hang it up for him . feeling a little self-conscious , he unbuttoned himself , turned around , and let the woman who was his mother 's age help him out of his coat . and he made a mental note to remember that if he ever rose to the status of filthy , stinkin ' rich , he 'd never hire anyone to undress him . the foyer in which he stood was bigger than most suburban living rooms . it opened onto an ivory-colored , softly lit hallway that extended a good fifty feet before ending in a staircase that wound up to the next story . the hardwood floor was buffed to honey-colored perfection , and topped with the biggest oriental rug he 'd ever seen , woven of the softest colors he could ever imagine-apricot , ivory , pale blue . along the walls , flowered loveseats beckoned to visitors , while marble-topped tables boasted a variety of knickknacks and family photographs , antiques , and fresh-cut flowers . above the furnishings hung massive oil paintings of landscapes that-just a shot in the dark here-must have cost a small fortune . halfway down the hall were two large entryways facing each other beneath elaborate molding , the french doors of both thrown open wide in welcome . muffled voices emerged from one of the rooms , though pendleton could n't have said which . he glanced at mrs. mason in silent question . `` mr. mcclellan and the boys are in the library , '' she told him . `` miss mcclellan has n't yet come down . '' pendleton recalled washington gritting his teeth and decided that miss mcclellan must be the one with the overbite he was supposed to watch out for . he asked , pointing first to one entryway and then the other . mrs. mason smiled benignly , and pendleton could n't help but wonder if she really , really hated her job . `` on the right , '' she told him with a quick gesture . she dipped her head forward in silent acknowledgment , and pendleton stiffened a bit , uncomfortable with her display of deference . he was n't much one for being deferred to , mainly because he was n't much one for deferring . unless , of course , his paycheck depended on it , but even then , it stuck in his craw . he gazed toward the door the housekeeper had indicated , but paused before taking a step . he had n't bothered with the kevlar that chang suggested , but he had opted for his brioni pin-stripe . now he ran a hand quickly over the finely woven , charcoal-colored wool , nudged a little tighter the valentino necktie knotted expertly at his throat , and made his way toward the room mrs. mason indicated . the sweet aroma of old books and cigars met him first .	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4410]]
if it was n't for brianna , he might not regret the adventure , in spite of stephen bonnet and the things he had seen aboard the gloriana . once more his hand went to his thigh . he had been luckier than he 'd dared hope ; bonnet had had not one gemstone , but two . would they really work ? he ducked again , having to walk half crouched for several steps before the branches opened up again . hard to believe that people lived up here , save that someone had cut this trail , and it must lead somewhere . `` you ca n't miss it , '' the girl at the mill had assured him , and he could see why . there was n't anyplace else to go . he shaded his eyes , looking up the trail , but the drooping branches of pine and maple hid everything , presenting only a shadowy , mysterious tunnel through the trees . no telling how far it might be to the top of the ridge . `` you 'll make it by sundown , easy , '' the girl had told him , and it was late midafternoon now . but that had been when he had a horse . not wanting to be caught on the mountainside in the dark , he picked up his pace , straining his eyes for sunlight ahead that would show him the openness of the ridge at the end of the trail . as he walked , his thoughts ran inevitably ahead of him , quick with speculation . and how had it gone , brianna 's reunion with her parents ? what had she thought of jamie fraser ? was he the man she 'd been imagining for the last year , or only a pale reflection of the image she had built up from her mother 's stories ? at least she had a father to know , he thought , with a queer little pang at the memory of midsummer 's eve , and that burst of light in the passage through the stones . a lightening of the dense green shadow ahead ; a brightening as tongues of sun struck autumn leaves in a flare of orange and yellow . the sun dazzled him for a moment as he came out of the tunnel of greenery . he blinked once , and found himself not on the ridge , as he had expected , but in a small natural clearing , edged with scarlet maples and yellow scrub oak . it held the sunlight like a cup , dark forest spreading beyond on all sides . as he turned about , searching for the continuation of the trail , he heard a horse 's whicker and whirled to find his own elderly mount , jerking its head against the pull of a rein tied to a tree at the edge of the clearing . `` well , i 'll be buggered ! '' `` how the hell did you get up here ? '' `` the same way you did , '' a voice answered him . a tall young man emerged from the wood beside the horse , and stood pointing a pistol at roger ; his own , he saw , with a sense of outrage as well as apprehension . he took a deep breath and choked down his fear . `` you 've got my horse and my gun , '' roger said coolly . `` what else d'you want ? my hat ? '' he held out the battered tricorne in invitation . the robber could n't possibly know what else he carried ; he had n't shown them to anyone . the young man-could n't be more than in his teens , in spite of his size , roger thought-did n't smile . `` a bit more than that , i expect . '' for the first time , the young man took his eyes off roger , shifting his glance to one side . following the direction of his gaze , roger felt a jolt like an electric shock . he had n't seen the man at the edge of the clearing , though he must have been there all the time , standing motionless . he wore a faded hunting kilt whose browns and greens blended into the grass and brush , as his flaming hair blended with the brilliant leaves . he looked as if he 'd grown out of the forest . beyond the sheer unexpectedness of his appearance , it was his looks that stunned roger into speechlessness . it was one thing to have been told that jamie fraser resembled his daughter . it was another to see brianna 's bold features transmuted into power by the stamp of years , and fronting a personality not only thoroughly masculine , but fierce in aspect . it was like lifting his hand from the fur of a handsome ginger cat , only to find himself staring into the unblinking gaze of a tiger . roger barely kept himself from taking an involuntary step backward , thinking as he did so that claire had not exaggerated a single thing in her descriptions of jamie fraser . `` you 'll be mr. mackenzie , '' the man said . the voice was deep but not loud , barely lifted above the sound of the rustling leaves , but roger had no difficulty hearing him . `` i am , '' he said , taking a step forward . `` and you 'll be ... ah ... jamie fraser ? 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chad smiled at him with an expression that seemed to say 'bring it on buddy . ' it 's okay to go through people 's stuff now ? '' `` what are you doing with all these pictures of emily ? '' mark asked in a deadly calm voice . he was in no way calm but he would n't let that show to the disgusting man . `` i can have pictures of whoever i like , '' the man sneered . chad pulled out pictures of the other girls he 'd found . `` these do n't look like women to me , '' chad snapped , barely maintaining control of his temper . he 'd found not only pictures of emily but also indecently exposed pictures of young women taken through windows , without their knowledge . chris 's face paled as he saw those pictures . chad must have found them in some secret hideaway the man thought was safe . he looked nervously over at the police officers . `` once i found out you were a convicted felon and on parole i decided to look around a little deeper , '' chad said . `` i found your stash of photos below a loose floorboard . i think these would be a breach of your parole . '' `` you ca n't prove those are mine , '' chris sneered . `` they could be any of the guys , '' he yelled , with barely controlled fury . `` actually we can prove they 're yours , as we also found the camera that took them , '' chad countered . `` i ca n't believe you were able to fool me , '' mark said . `` i ca n't believe i let you near my family . '' `` i guess you 're not so smart , you rich piece of crap , '' chris sneered . `` officer i would like to press charges for this man stalking my wife . all the evidence has been saved and is in the other room , '' mark said . he was done having a conversation with the piece of scum . the officer walked up to chris and started reading him his rights . i have n't been stalking her , i only took a few pictures , '' chris said , cutting the officers off . no one listened to the man and the officers quickly hauled him out of the room . mark felt like a fifty pound weight had been lifted off his shoulders . chris would be going back to prison for parole violation and probably have a few more years added on , depending on the age of those girls he 'd violated . he was disgusted with himself for letting him into his home . he normally was a great judge of character . he must 've been more distracted than he thought . now that emily and trevor lived there and his nieces and nephews came over so much , he was going to have to start having background searches done on all his employees . there was no way he wanted any more men like that one to slip through and be so close to those he loved . `` thank you chad , you found the man much quicker than i would have thought possible . it may have taken me a long time , '' mark said to his friend . `` you know there 's nothing i would n't do for you , '' chad told him . `` you owe me nothing but i do appreciate you coming , '' mark said sincerely . `` well we 'll just have to disagree on the owing thing , '' chad told him , then slapped mark on the back . `` you most certainly are a stubborn man , '' mark responded . are you the kettle today or the pot ? '' `` yeah , yeah , '' mark mumbled and then rolled his eyes . `` i have to get back , you know ? '' chad said , reluctantly . how much longer are you going to be gone ? '' they talked a while longer and then chad left just as quickly as he had come . `` now that everything is safe , the rest of us are going to get back to our lives too , '' lucas said , when the family returned . `` i appreciate all of you dropping everything and being here for us , '' mark said . `` of course , brother , '' lucas told him . the family quickly packed up and was gone before emily knew it . she was sad to see them all leave . she really had grown fond of amy and jessica and the children running through the halls . emily and mark quickly got back into their old routine . she offered to move back to her room , although she really did n't want to . he 'd told her in no uncertain terms he did n't want her leaving his bedroom . trevor was thriving and the time was passing by pleasantly . one day , while mark was out giving trevor a riding lesson , a knock sounded at the door . edward was doing some shopping so emily went to answer . a man was standing there in a uniform with a clipboard that emily did n't think anything about . `` are you emily jackson ? '' the man asked her pleasantly . she asked him , still not concerned . `` i have a special delivery for you , can you sign here ? 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i have to take a mean dump , alexandra announced . and with those words , the spell was broken . umm , go right upstairs , melissa muttered . i hope you have matches in there . alexandra climbed the staircase slightly hunched and clutching her stomach . from melissas bedroom , daniella called out to alexandra , hello to you , too , alex , just as the bathroom door slammed shut . nature is calling pretty loudly . my guess is she had mexican fast food after school again , melissa offered . god help me , shes sleeping at my house tonight , daniella fretted aloud . melissa laughed so hard her eyes began to tear . after several flushes , alexandra emerged from the upstairs bathroom looking relieved . oh my lord , if i ever say im getting drive-thru mexican food again , shoot me ! pinching her nose between her thumb and index finger , daniella said , you may want to go light another match or something . shut up , bitch , alexandra answered playfully and plopped down onto melissas lavender-swathed bed . so were here to help . put us to work , daniella said . i guess i need an outfit first , melissa began . ill cover that , alexandra interrupted . just pick something tight , something that hugs your curves . you actually have curves , melissa replied and looked down at her small chest . well , then your ass , you have an ass , so play it up ! again , not much there either . youre a boy with no curves to play up ? why are you being like that ? you know shes nervous and not in the mood for you brand of , i dont even know what you call it , humor ? im trying to loosen her up ! she knows shes not a boy and what she lacks in boobs she makes up for in other ways . she has a small ass , but its a great ass , am i right ? god alex ! her boobs are fine too . guys just need a little something to grab hold of . melissa stepped into her closed and considered shutting the door to muffle the sound of her friends bickering . instead , she called out to them , please stop discussing my boobs and my butt ! they both apologized like scolded children and turned their conversation to the band playing at the bonfire . with more gentle talk at hand , melissa came out of her closet and glimpsed her reflection in the mirror . as it turned out , nothing alexandra had said was untrue . at five-foot-five inches tall and one hundred pounds , melissa was by no means curvy . she was the opposite of curvy really . her arms and legs were long and thin . her hips were slim but her waist was slimmer . she did have a figure , just a slight one . many cautioned her to enjoy her stick-thin body as they called it , that it was a genetic gift . but melissa sometimes wished to be fuller-figured , particularly on nights like this one . being around alexandra did not help matters either . although she never felt jealous of her amply endowed friend , it was hard not to notice the attention she commanded from men of every age . her voluptuousness had universal appeal . and while melissa did not categorize herself as ugly by any means , she merely yearned at times to fill her clothes out a bit more . she returned to her closet and picked an outfit that suited her small shape , one she felt comfortable and confident in then looked in the mirror again . her blue , long-sleeved t-shirt clung to what little curves she had . rather than focusing on what she lacked , however , she chose to focus on her attributes , how the blue of her top reflected in her eyes giving them a teal hue , how her long hair cooperated fully , and fell in golden-brown waves down her back . she was not entirely displeased with her reflection and began to feel slightly less nervous . she even began to feel buoyed by possibility , by hope . she strode away from the mirror to her bureau and selected a cosmetic in a long slender tube . she opened it and quickly applied a coat of the blush-colored gloss to her lips before spritzing herself with her favorite body mist . shake that ass ! alexandra said and sat up and slapped melissa on her backside . look daniella , shes rocking her good ass jeans . tonight is a special night . shes going to get rid of kevin and reel in gabriel , daniella added . i was just starting to calm down a bit , but thanks for reminding me about the whole kevin thing , melissa said sarcastically . i didnt mean anything by it , daniella apologized . i just wanted to join in , and the whole gabriel thing is so exciting . the kevin thing is my fault . i should have just told him no in the first place , but i dont know what happened .	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["hip", 2466], ["hips", 2466], ["slim", 2476], ["waist", 2490], ["slim", 2502], ["figure", 2526], ["slight", 2542], ["many", 2553], ["caution", 2563], ["cautioning", 2563], ["enjoy", 2576], ["enjoyed", 2576], ["stick", 2586], ["stickest", 2586], ["body", 2596], ["bodied", 2596], ["genetic", 2638], ["genetics", 2638], ["gift", 2643], ["wish", 2674], ["wished", 2674], ["full", 2687], ["figure", 2695], ["figured", 2695], ["particularly", 2710], ["night", 2720], ["nights", 2720], ["around", 2749], ["matter", 2780], ["mattering", 2780], ["matters", 2780], ["although", 2798], ["never", 2808], ["feel", 2813], ["felt", 2813], ["jealous", 2821], ["amply", 2834], ["friend", 2849], ["notice", 2877], ["attention", 2891], ["command", 2905], ["commanded", 2905], ["man", 2914], ["mans", 2914], ["manned", 2914], ["men", 2914], ["every", 2923], ["age", 2927], ["aged", 2927], ["voluptuousness", 2948], ["universal", 2962], ["appeal", 2969], ["categorize", 3008], ["ugly", 3024], ["mean", 3037], ["meanest", 3037], ["means", 3037], ["merely", 3050], ["yearn", 3058], ["yearns", 3058], ["yearned", 3058], ["time", 3067], ["times", 3067], ["fill", 3075], ["fills", 3075], ["clad", 3087], ["clothe", 3087], ["clothes", 3087], ["bit", 3097], ["bits", 3097], ["return", 3117], ["returnest", 3117], ["returned", 3117], ["pick", 3142], ["picked", 3142], ["suit", 3164], ["suited", 3164], ["shape", 3180], ["shapes", 3180], ["comfortable", 3207], ["confident", 3221], ["blue", 3267], ["sleeve", 3282], ["sleeving", 3282], ["sleeved", 3282], ["shirt", 3290], ["clung", 3296], ["rather", 3335], ["focus", 3349], ["focusing", 3349], ["lack", 3368], ["lacked", 3368], ["however", 3378], ["choose", 3390], ["chose", 3390], ["focus", 3399], ["attribute", 3417], ["attributes", 3417], ["top", 3443], ["reflect", 3453], ["reflectest", 3453], ["reflected", 3453], ["give", 3472], ["giving", 3472], ["teal", 3484], ["teals", 3484], ["hue", 3488], ["hued", 3488], ["hair", 3508], ["cooperate", 3519], ["cooperated", 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when the minister said , `` you may now kiss the bride , '' and mac did so , nick merely tilted her head back to watch . `` what 's the best way to handle her when we leave ? '' mac whispered against maris 's lips . `` pick her up and hand her to zane as we pass , '' she whispered back . `` he 'll be expecting it . '' the pianist launched into the familiar stirring strains . mac swooped nick up with one arm , put the other around maris , and they hurried up the aisle to the accompaniment of music , laughter , tears and a round of applause . as they passed the second pew , a tiny girl in a long dress was deftly passed from one pair of strong arms to another . the reception was a long , glorious party . maris danced endlessly with her husband , her father , all her brothers , several of her nephews , her brothers in-law and an assortment of old friends . she danced with the sheriff , clay armstrong . she danced with ambassador lovejoy , barrie 's father . she danced with shea 's father and grandfather , with the ranchers and merchants and gas station attendants . finally mac claimed her again , holding her close and swaying to the music as he rested his cheek against hers . `` what did zane say to you ? '' she demanded suddenly . she felt him grin , though he did n't lift his head . `` he said you 'd know . '' `` you already know what he said . '' `` that i 'm interested . '' `` i do n't want you to spend months out of the country . i 'm willing , barely , to let the fbi use you on investigations , but i do n't like it . i want you with me every night , not thousands of miles away . '' `` that 's exactly what i told zane . remember , i do n't have to do what chance does . '' he held her closer , dropping his voice to an intimate murmur . `` has your period started yet ? '' she was only two days late , but two days was two days , and she was normally very regular . it was possible her system had been disrupted by the concussion and the stress of everything that had happened , so she was n't making any announcements yet . `` would you mind if i am pregnant so soon ? '' `` when we might get our own nick ? '' his shoulders quivered under her embrace . `` i did n't think she was ever going to get rid of those damn flower petals . '' `` she 's one of a kind , i hope . '' but she leaned against him , feeling her breasts , her entire body , tighten with desire . if she was n't already pregnant , she likely would be soon , given how often he made love to her . they danced in silence for a moment , then mac said , `` pleasure should have arrived by now . '' she had to blink back tears , because mac had given her the most wonderful gift for christmas . with sole pleasure 's worth hugely reduced now that the racing world had been rocked with news of his very low sperm count , the syndication offers had evaporated . it was possible pleasure could sire a foal , but it was such a small possibility as to be negligible . he still had worth as a racehorse , and ronald stonicher might have gotten more for him than mac had offered , but huge legal expenses had been staring him in the eye , and he 'd jumped at the chance to sell the horse . maris had worried so about pleasure 's future that mac had made the offer for him without telling her , because he did n't want her to be disappointed in case the deal fell through . `` dad can hardly wait to ride him , '' she said . `` he 's said several times that he envied me because i got to work with pleasure . '' they fell silent , simply enjoying the feel of being in each other 's arms . their wedding had n't been a stately , solemn affair , nick had seen to that , but it had been perfect . people had laughed and enjoyed themselves , and everyone for years would smile whenever they thought of maris mackenzie 's wedding . `` it 's time to throw the bouquet ! '' the cry went up , and they swung around to see a crowd of giggling teenage girls gathering for the tradition , flipping back their hair , throwing sidelong glances at the older mackenzie boys . there were more mature women there , too , giving chance measuring looks . `` i thought you were supposed to throw it when we 're ready to leave ? '' mac said , amused . `` evidently they ca n't wait . '' she did n't mind hurrying things up a little ; after that dance , she was ready to be alone with her husband . nick had been having the time of her short life , stuffing herself with cake and mints , and being whirled around the dance floor in the arms of her father , her grandfather and all her uncles and cousins .	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["shoulder", 2154], ["shouldered", 2154], ["shoulders", 2154], ["quiver", 2163], ["quiverest", 2163], ["quivered", 2163], ["embrace", 2181], ["think", 2202], ["thinkest", 2202], ["ever", 2215], ["everest", 2215], ["go", 2221], ["goest", 2221], ["going", 2221], ["rid", 2232], ["damn", 2246], ["damned", 2246], ["flower", 2253], ["petal", 2260], ["petals", 2260], ["kind", 2289], ["hope", 2298], ["lean", 2318], ["leans", 2318], ["leaned", 2318], ["feel", 2340], ["feeling", 2340], ["breast", 2352], ["breasted", 2352], ["breasting", 2352], ["breasts", 2352], ["entire", 2365], ["body", 2370], ["bodied", 2370], ["tighten", 2380], ["tightens", 2380], ["tightenest", 2380], ["desire", 2392], ["give", 2461], ["given", 2461], ["often", 2471], ["love", 2484], ["silence", 2516], ["moment", 2529], ["pleasure", 2559], ["arrive", 2579], ["arrived", 2579], ["blink", 2608], ["blinked", 2608], ["wonderful", 2666], ["gift", 2671], ["sole", 2697], ["worth", 2715], ["hugely", 2722], ["reduce", 2730], 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["uncles", 4554], ["cousin", 4566], ["cousins", 4566]]
with jamie in charge , of course , they leaped to the task , madly scooping dirt from the bank with flat bits of wood , giggling , pushing , getting in the way , and stuffing handsful of mud down the back of each other 's breeches . jamie being jamie , he ignored the nuisance , merely directing their efforts and finally ordering them out of the creek , so as not to be crushed . `` all right , lass , '' he said , turning to her . `` take a grip there . '' the boulder had been loosened from the confining clay , and now protruded from the bank , oak staves thrust into the mud beneath , sticking up on either side , and another behind . she seized the one he indicated , while he took the other two . `` on the count of three ... one ... two ... jem and germain , perched above , chimed in , chanting `` one ... two ... like a small greek chorus . there was a splinter in her thumb and the wood rasped against the waterlogged creases of her skin , but she felt suddenly like laughing . `` one ... two ... hea- '' with a sudden shift , a swirl of mud , and a cascade of loose dirt from the bank above , the boulder gave way , falling into the stream with a splash that soaked them both to the chest and made both little boys shriek with joy . jamie was grinning ear-to-ear and so was she , wet shift and muddy children notwithstanding . the boulder now lay near the opposite bank of the stream , and-just as she had calculated-the diverted current was already eating into the newly created hollow in the near bank , a strong eddy eating away the fine-grained clay in streams and spirals . she nodded at it , dabbing her mud-spattered face on the shoulder of her shift . `` i do n't know how far it will erode , but if i let it go for a day or two , there wo n't be much digging left to do . '' `` ye kent that would happen ? '' her father glanced at her , face alight , and laughed . `` why , ye clever , bonnie wee thing ! '' the glow of recognized achievement did quite a bit to dampen her resentment of roger 's absence . the presence of a bottle of cider in jamie 's creel , keeping cold amongst the dead trout , did a lot more . they sat companionably on the bank , passing the bottle back and forth , admiring the industry of the new eddy pool at work . `` this looks like good clay , '' she observed , leaning forward to scoop a little of the wet stuff out of the crumbling bank . she squeezed it in her hand , letting grayish water run down her arm , and opened her hand to show him how it kept its shape , showing clearly the prints of her fingers . `` good for your kiln ? '' he asked , peering dutifully at it . she had made several less-than-successful experiments with the kiln so far , producing a succession of malformed plates and bowls , most of which had either exploded in the kiln or shattered immediately upon removal . one or two survivals , deformed and scorched round the edges , had been pressed into dubious service , but it was precious little reward for the effort of stoking the kiln and minding it for days . what she needed was advice from someone who knew about kilns and making earthenware . but with the strained relations now existent between the ridge and salem , she could n't seek it . it had been awkward enough , her speaking directly to brother mordecai about his ceramic processes-a popish woman , and speaking to a man she was n't married to , the scandal ! `` damn wee manfred , '' her father agreed , hearing her complaint . he 'd heard it before , but did n't mention it . `` would it maybe help was i to go and ask ? a few o ' the brethren will still speak to me , and it might be that they 'd let me talk wi ' mordecai . if ye were to tell me what it is ye need to know ... ? ye could maybe write it down . '' `` oh , da , i love you ! '' grateful , she leaned to kiss him , and he laughed , clearly gratified to be doing her a service . elated , she took another drink of cider , and rosy visions of hardened clay pipes began to dance in her brain . she had a wooden cistern already built , with a lot of complaint and obstruction from ronnie sinclair . she needed help to heave that into place . then , if she could get only twenty feet of reliable pipe ... `` mama , come look ! '' jem 's impatient voice cut through the fog of calculation . with a mental sigh , she made a hasty note of where she had been , and pushed the process carefully into a corner of her mind , where it would perhaps helpfully ferment .	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lowering her head , ally shoved herself outside and somehow managed to haul the door closed again . swirling snow cut her visibility to almost nothing . it was so cold that breathing made her chest ache . she hoped to hell this blizzard would n't go on for days . she had things to do and people to see . trying to photograph wildlife in a blizzard did n't make much sense , even to someone as inexperienced as she was . then there was uncle kurt , who was planning to drive up from anchorage to see her . he 'd found a wildlife photographer to be her mentor , although he was keeping the identity of the photographer a secret , which was so like uncle kurt , a man who loved surprises and spontaneity . she did n't want mitchell hanging around until then . instinctively she knew they would n't get along . by shielding her eyes , she could just barely make out the red neon outline of a top hat on a sign jutting out from a building on her right . she wondered if a bar in porcupine , alaska , served irish coffee . if not , she 'd drink whatever they had that would dull the impact of mitchell showing up here . he 'd already leaked information about the inheritance , although maybe ally had stuck her thumb in that particular dike for now . still , his presence here would make it seem that she was worth more than she 'd let on . even worse than that , he was mining her precious freedom . maybe by now betsy had lured him into her parlor . but ally stopped short of imagining what might happen after that . some things were way too disturbing to contemplate . even if mitchell allowed himself to fall under betsy 's spell , he would be on the next plane out of fairbanks if ally had anything to say about it . as grammy 's sole heir , she should have the power to send his royal nerdness right back where he came from . all she needed was clear skies . * * * chapter two mitch figured out pretty fast that betsy was eager to get chummy with any guy with a pulse . he hoped he would n't have to be too direct in his refusal and alienate her , because she probably knew everyone in town . a person like that could come in very handy . `` so , would you like to see my parlor , mitchell ? '' she eyed him coyly . `` i guarantee you 've never experienced anything so unique . '' `` that sounds great , but i 'd like to go up to my room first . '' he pulled off his knit cap and reached for the room key she 'd laid on the counter . `` well , of course you would . '' she beat him to the room key , snatching it from under his nose . `` you 've had a long trip , and those tiny airplane bathrooms must be cramped for a tall man like yourself . '' just what he 'd been afraid of . `` if you 'll point me in the direction of room twenty-one , i 'm sure i can find it . i hate to put you to any extra trouble . '' she came out from behind the registration desk , obviously ready to rumble . technically i only serve breakfast , but considering you 've come all the way from l.a. , i 'd be happy to make you something warm . a man needs good , hearty food , and the airlines are n't serving meals the way they used to . '' in point of fact , mitch was starving . but he had a feeling that allowing betsy to cook him a meal would constitute foreplay in her mind . `` thanks , but i had something to eat during my layover in seattle . '' still , his mouth watered at the idea of home-cooked food . `` i could warm up some moose-meat pie in nothing flat . '' then again , maybe he 'd survive on the hamburger he 'd grabbed in the airport . he 'd seen pictures of moose , and they did n't look at all like the kind of creature he 'd want to dine on . `` thanks , but i 'm stuffed . '' i enjoy cooking for a man . '' she started up the wooden stairs to the second floor . mitch hefted his suitcase and followed . so far this trip was about as nightmarish as he 'd envisioned . betsy mounted those stairs without breaking a sweat or breathing hard . mitch had to hand it to her . for a plus-sized woman she was in remarkable shape . `` down this hallway , '' she said , not even puffing from the climb . mitch did n't puff , either , because he 'd worked out every night in the jarrett mansion 's fully equipped weight room . he 'd had to pick times when ally was occupied elsewhere , because keeping in shape would n't fit very well with the image of him he wanted her to have . better that she think of him as a weakling . betsy opened the door with the metal key .	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`` you ca n't have it , '' faith said in exasperation . `` micah would kill me . '' `` he does n't have to know , '' angelina said pointedly . `` do n't you give her one , '' faith said when lyric started to hand a cupcake to angelina . `` she has to watch her blood sugar . she failed her first glucose tolerance test and they want to do a repeat . until they get the results , she has to watch her sugar intake . '' `` wow , i take back what i said about you being nice , '' lyric said . `` that 's pretty ruthless . withholding sugar from a pregnant woman . '' `` i 'll take that , '' julie said as she walked by and lifted the cupcake from lyric 's hand . lyric shot her a dark look . `` i 've killed people for less . '' julie 's eyebrow shot up . `` and you people call me vicious . if she keeps that up , i 'll have to tell connor to collar her . '' `` only if you want it wrapped around your mouth , '' lyric drawled . `` did you all desert the guys ? '' faith asked as she frowned at julie . `` oh , they 're out bonding over charcoal , '' angelina said with a wave of her hand . `` you know what happens when you mix men , lighter fluid , a grill and beer . '' `` sit , '' faith directed angelina . `` i swear i do n't know how you stand . you 're all belly . it seems like you 'd teeter over . '' angelina scowled at faith but hoisted herself up onto a bar stool . julie took a seat across the bar from angelina and arched an eyebrow in her direction . `` okay , so give us the scoop , angelina . when are you going to put micah out of his misery ? '' `` it 's like deja vu . we had this same conversation with serena before she married damon . '' lyric shifted from one foot to the other . as if sensing lyric 's discomfort , faith turned to explain . `` serena is our other best friend and she made damon wait before she agreed to marry him . '' `` yes , but she waited because she was n't sure , '' angelina softly interjected . `` that 's not the case here . i 'd marry micah tomorrow , but i have to be sure this is what he wants . i wo n't be second best . i wo n't have him marry me because he feels it 's the right thing to do . '' faith moved beside angelina and wrapped an arm around her . he loves you and nia so much . you 're all he talks about at work . the guys avoid him because he drives them crazy asking them baby stuff they do n't have a clue about . '' `` that 's sweet , '' lyric murmured . angelina sighed . he 's been so wonderful with me and the baby . i 'm crazy about him and i do n't want to be without him . '' `` then why are you driving yourself crazy ? '' angelina chewed on her lip , her dark eyes shadowed by worry . `` i have this fear that he 'll wake up one day and think to himself that i 'm not the one he wanted . that he 's trapped . that i pressured him into a relationship he did n't want . you have to admit , i pursued him relentlessly . '' lyric raised an eyebrow . her opinion of the other woman just went up by several notches . she liked a woman who knew her mind and did n't sit around waiting for what she wanted . `` it 's all about taking a chance , '' julie said . `` i 've thought the same thing about nathan more times than i care to admit . i used to worry that he 'd get tired of me and move on . but he convinced me to give him a chance , and really , there are n't any guarantees . men do stupid shit all the time . there 's a trigger when they hit middle age that they want dumber , younger and prettier . '' `` oh jesus , julie . '' `` you 're not helping here . '' `` just telling the truth . the point is , you have to take a chance and you have to not only love your guy but you have to trust that he loves you just as much . `` when you put it like that , '' angelina said ruefully . faith squeezed angelina again . `` you almost make me want to give you a cupcake . '' lyric laughed at the disgusted look on angelina 's face . `` i hope we have n't bored you , lyric , '' faith said anxiously . `` i 'm sure you 're used to a livelier party . '' lyric held up her hand . it was really nice of you to have me . i know you were n't expecting us . 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4034], ["expect", 4117], ["expecting", 4117]]
climbing out of bed with a sigh and a shrug , he padded into the bathroom to stare at his reflection in the dim light filtering through the edges of the blackout curtains . he could see himself , just barely , but he did n't bother turning on the overhead light . it hurt his eyes and often brought on the killer migraines he 'd do almost anything to escape . besides , he liked the shadows . liked the vague outline of his face in the mirror , the many shades of gray he 'd chosen to live his life among . he ignored the vast array of yellow medicine bottles lined up against the mirror . they could n't help him-it was already too late . he could feel a migraine starting , even without the added stimulation of light . pain crushed through his head from all sides and his vision blurred . nausea clenched his stomach in its slippery grip-once and then twice-and he barely made it to the toilet before becoming violently ill . when it was over , he slid bonelessly to the floor ; resting next to the toilet for a few minutes , he braced his head on the warm oak cabinet he had installed himself in better days . part of him wanted desperately to climb back into bed , but he was too weak to get that far . the pain , and sickness , had zapped him of all energy . besides , this was only the beginning . the sickness would get worse-much worse-before it abated . god damn her ! rage rushed through him , driving back some of the pain , some of the weakness . this was all her fault-disappearing for days on end . did n't she know he needed her ? she made the pain bearable . images of her careened through his head , flashing in and out as the pain ebbed and flowed . clutching his head , he struggled to ignore the agony and bring her face into focus . long moments passed , filled with his harsh breathing and harsher groans as he tried to make sense of the rapid flashes of color bombarding his brain . and then , suddenly , the flashes coalesced and there she was . soaking wet after being caught in a summer rainstorm-her hair slicked back and her brown eyes alight with a rare and intoxicating laughter . the thin cotton of her shirt all but transparent while her nples pebbled into a tempting hardness . his dick twitched , grew harder despite the pain still gripping his head . with a sigh , he wrapped a hand around himself . began to squeeze and stroke as he imagined serena on her knees in front of him-wet and willing-her warm , ripe mouth sucking him dry . the pain began to slide away . he 'd rip open her wet shirt , bare her creamy brsts to his starving eyes . her nples-hard , tight little peaks-would be so deeply pink they were almost red as her brsts thrust upward for his approval . he 'd reach out and pinch them tightly enough to make her whimper-a little pain only increased the pleasure . she 'd moan and cry out and then he would take her n*ples in his mouth , one at a time , rolling them over his tongue and between his teeth . he could taste them already-the strawberry tartness tickling his tongue , feeding his soul , before he pulled away and let her suck him like she 'd be dying to do . she 'd play with him first , let her tongue lick delicately at his head before pulling him into her mouth and down her slender , elegant throat . he groaned-swiping his thumb across the head of his dick as he envisioned her soft , wet mouth doing the same-then increased his tempo as he imagined her tongue stroking up and down his dick while her lips and teeth and the soft suction of her mouth drove him to insanity and beyond . his hps surged against his hand as he dreamed about her warm breath fluttering over him . she 'd curl her tongue around him , moaning deep in her throat even as her teeth found the sensitive ridge at the base of his head . she 'd bite down-softly , experimentally-and he 'd tangle his hands in her hair , forcing his huge , powerful dick down her throat . ramming it into her again and again as she struggled to take all of him . her teeth would scrape against him , pain-once again-making the pleasure even sweeter . ecstasy shot through him , stealing his breath and his control . he stroked faster and faster , harder and harder , until he came with a scream . a giant flooding that stripped his soul bare and had fireworks shooting off behind his eyes as she swallowed all he had to give her and demanded more . her body starving for all he could give it . the soul-searing pleasure faded and he came back to himself with a groan . he was slumped-naked-on the bathroom floor , his come coating the cold , smoky tiles between his upraised knees . serena danced before his eyes-bare , aroused , dying for him-and he reached for her .	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`` i wo n't be stupid again , '' she said , looking right at the mirror . `` if someone would give me another chance , i 'd be good . '' after that , she waited for someone to burst in for her , maybe holding handcuffs , but the minutes just ticked by in smelly silence . she moved the black plastic chair to one corner and sat down . she closed her eyes , thinking the same thing over and over again . along with that thought , running alongside it like some shadow forming in the twilight was its twin : will you be a good friend to katie ? this time tully did n't even glance at the mirror . there was no one behind there . who would be looking at her anyway , the kid no one wanted ? across the room , the doorknob twisted , turned . tully tensed . her fingers bit into her thighs . be good , tully . agree with everything they say . foster care is better than juvenile hall . the door opened and mrs. mularkey walked into the room . in a washed-out floral dress and worn white keds , she looked tired and poorly put together , as if she 'd been wakened in the middle of the night and dressed in whatever she could find in the dark . which , of course , was exactly what had happened . mrs. mularkey reached into her dress pocket for her cigarettes . finding one , she lit up . through the swirling smoke , she studied tully . sadness and disappointment emanated from her , as visible as the smoke . shame overwhelmed tully . here was one of the very few people who had ever believed in her , and she 'd let mrs. m. down . mrs. mularkey exhaled smoke . `` bud took her home . i do n't expect she 'll leave the house again for a good long while . '' tully squirmed uncomfortably . her every blemish was on view , she was sure of it , from the lies she 'd told to the secrets she 'd kept to the tears she 'd cried . mrs. m. saw it all . tully could hardly blame her . mrs. mularkey pulled a chair away from the table and sat down in front of tully . `` they want to send you to juvenile hall . '' tully looked down at her own hands , unable to stand the disappointment she saw on mrs. m. 's face . `` the foster family wo n't want me now . '' `` i understand your mother refused to take custody of you . '' tully heard the way her voice cracked on that . she knew it revealed how hurt she 'd been , but there was no way to hide it . not from mrs. m. `` katie thinks they can find another family for you to live with . '' `` yeah , well , katie lives in a different world than i do . '' mrs. mularkey leaned back in her chair . taking a drag on her cigarette , she exhaled smoke and said quietly , `` she wants you to live with us . '' just hearing it was like a blow to the heart . she knew she 'd spend a long time trying to forget it . it was a moment before mrs. mularkey said , `` a girl who lived in our house would have to do chores and follow the rules . mr. mularkey and i would n't stand for any funny business . '' tully looked up sharply . she could n't even put this sudden hope into words . `` and there would definitely be no smoking . '' tully stared at her , feeling tears sting her eyes , but that pain was nothing compared to what was going on deep inside her . it felt suddenly as if she were about to fall . `` are you saying i can live with you ? '' mrs. m. leaned forward and touched tully 's jawline . `` i know how hard your life has been up to now , tully , and i ca n't stand for you to go back to that . '' the falling turned into flying , and suddenly tully was crying for all of it-gran , the foster family , cloud . her relief was the biggest emotion she 'd ever felt . with shaking hands , she pulled the crumpled , half-empty pack of cigarettes out of her purse and handed them over . `` welcome to our family , tully , '' mrs. m. finally said into the silence , pulling tully into her arms and letting her cry . through all the decades of tully 's life , she would remember that moment as the beginning of something new for her ; the becoming of someone new . while she lived with the loud , crazy , loving mularkey family , she found a whole new person inside her . she did n't keep secrets or tell lies or pretend that she was someone else , and never once did they act as if she were unwanted or not good enough .	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she asked an occasional question when it seemed appropriate , but that was all . she saw tears more than once , but when they welled up , richard would pinch the bridge of his nose to stop them . the hands of the clock on the mantelpiece rolled past one , then began edging toward two . by then , the beer and emotional exhaustion had taken their toll . richard had begun to repeat himself , and his words had begun to slur . when julie went to the kitchen for a glass of water for herself , she noticed that richard 's eyes had closed . wedged into the corner of the couch , his head was angled against the back cushion , his mouth open . his breaths were coming in steady rhythm . holding the glass of water , she stood in place , thinking , oh , this is just great . she wanted to wake him but did n't think he was sober enough to drive . she was n't comfortable having him stay , but then again , he was already asleep , and if she woke him again , he might want to talk some more . despite her willingness to listen if he needed her to , she was exhausted . `` richard , '' she whispered . a moment later , she tried again with the same result . she figured she could shout or nudge him awake , but considering the options , it seemed like more trouble than it was worth . it 's no big deal , she finally decided , he 's out . julie turned out the lights and , leaving him where he was , headed back into the bedroom , closing and locking the door behind her . singer was on the bed . he raised his head , watching as she slipped into her pajamas . `` it 's only for tonight , '' she explained , as if trying to convince herself she was doing the right thing . `` it 's not like i 'm changing my mind . it 's just that i 'm tired , you know ? '' the guardian julie woke at dawn , and after peeking at the clock , she groaned and rolled over , trying to ward off the day . she was sluggish and felt as if she were suffering from a hangover . after crawling out of bed , she cracked open the door to peek out ; richard still appeared to be sleeping . she hopped into the shower and dressed for work ; she did n't want him to see her in her pajamas . by the time she entered the living room-with singer moving warily beside her-richard was sitting up on the couch , rubbing his face . his keys were perched on top of his wallet on the table in front of him . `` oh , hey , '' he said , looking embarrassed . `` i guess i conked out , huh ? `` it was a long day , '' she said . `` yeah , it was , '' he responded . he took a moment to reach for his wallet as he stood . life goes on , right ? '' his shirt was wrinkled , and he brushed at it with his hands . `` i 'm sorry again for the way i acted last night , '' he added . julie 's hair had n't dried completely , and she felt a drip of water soak through the fabric of her blouse . `` and i know it must seem like it came out of the blue , but ... '' he shook his head . `` no-it 's fine . you do n't have to explain-i understand . mike seems like a nice guy . '' `` he is , '' she finally said , `` but thank you . '' you 're a great person , and you deserve that . especially after listening to me drone on last night . you have no idea how much that meant to me . `` no hard feelings , '' she repeated . then , after a beat , he picked up his keys and started toward the door . opening it , he looked over his shoulder . `` mike 's a lucky guy , '' he called out . he smiled , but it carried with it a trace of melancholy . `` good-bye , julie . '' when he finally got in the car , julie felt herself exhale , thankful that it had gone a lot better than she 'd thought it would . then , frowning , she changed her mind . well , better than last night , anyway . but at least it 's over now . eighteen the guardian inside the rented victorian , richard made his way up the stairs to the corner room . he 'd painted the walls black and covered the windows with duct tape and a light-blocking tarp ; a red light dangled over a makeshift table along the far wall . his photography equipment was in the corner : four different cameras , a dozen lenses , boxes of film . he turned on the lamp and angled the shade so the light could fan out better . near the shallow containers of chemicals he used to develop the film was a stack of photographs that he 'd taken on his date with julie , and he reached for them .	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`` it 's okay , you can let up on the bastards . he kissed me and patted my butt . `` good , '' i said cheerfully . `` now may i go to work ? '' we both went out and got into our respective cars-i remembered to set the security system on my way out-and wyatt reversed out of my short driveway into the street , backing up far enough to give me room to back out in front of him . i wondered if he intended to follow me all the way to great bods , maybe to make certain no ex-husband was lurking , waiting to talk to me . i backed out of the driveway and shifted the gear lever to drive . the engine purred as i gave it the gas , and wyatt fell in behind me . my life did n't flash before my eyes . i was too busy fighting the steering wheel and screaming `` shit ! '' to pause for any navel-gazing . i wasted a precious few seconds desperately pumping the brake pedal , praying it would suddenly , miraculously work . just before i went past the stop sign , as a last-ditch effort i stomped on the emergency brake pedal , and the car went into a hard spin , tires screaming and smoking , as i shot into the intersection . my seat belt snapped tight , jerking me back against my seat . i tried to get control of the spin , but an oncoming car , its own tires screaming as it tried to stop , clipped my right rear bumper and added to the momentum . it was like riding a very fast merry-go-round . in the split second i was facing traffic , i had a lightning flash of a red pickup coming right at me ; then there was a hard jolt as my car hit the concrete bumper of the median and jumped it , backward , before slewing sideways across the grass and into the other two lanes of traffic . terror-stricken , i glanced to the right and , through the passenger window , saw a woman 's face frozen in horror , and time itself seemed to freeze , too , in the instant before the impact . an enormous shock wave hit me like a body blow , and the world went black . the blackness lasted for only a few seconds . i opened my eyes and blinked , both aware and surprised that i was still alive , but i could n't seem to move and even if i 'd been able to , i would have been too afraid to check out what damage i 'd sustained . i could n't hear anything ; it was as if i was alone in the world . my vision was misty , and my face felt numb , but at the same time it hurt . `` ouch , '' i said aloud into the strange silence , and with that sound everything popped back into focus . the good news was : the air bag worked . the bad news was : it needed to . i looked around me at my car and almost moaned aloud . my beautiful little car looked like a twisted pile of scrap metal . i was alive , but my car was n't . oh , my god , wyatt . he 'd been right behind me ; he 'd seen everything . he had to think i was dead . i fumbled with my right hand for the seat belt and unclipped it , but when i tried to open my door , it would n't budge and i could n't throw my weight against it because my hurt arm was on that side . then i noticed the windshield had been popped out , so i laboriously hauled myself out from behind the steering wheel-it was like playing twister-and gingerly crawled through the space where the windshield had been , careful of the broken glass , and out onto the hood , just as wyatt reached me . `` blair , '' he said hoarsely , reaching for me , but he froze with his hands outstretched as if he was afraid to touch me . his face was paper white . my voice was thin and shaky , and my nose was running . embarrassed , i swiped at it , then saw the bright smear of red on my hand and the additional red dripping from my nose . he gently lifted me off the hood and carried me to the grassy median , picking his way through a tangle of cars . traffic in both directions had come to a complete halt . steam rose from the crumpled hood of the car that had hit me , and other motorists were helping the woman inside . on the other side of the four-lane , two or three cars rested at weird angles in the road , but the damage there seemed to be mostly in the fender-bender range . wyatt set me down on the grass and pressed a handkerchief into my hand . `` if you 're all right , i 'll go see about the other driver . '' i nodded and waved a hand , indicating he should see what he could do .	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830], ["seconds", 830], ["desperately", 842], ["pump", 850], ["pumping", 850], ["brake", 860], ["braked", 860], ["pedal", 866], ["pray", 876], ["prays", 876], ["praying", 876], ["suddenly", 894], ["miraculously", 909], ["past", 940], ["stop", 949], ["sign", 954], ["last", 966], ["ditch", 972], ["effort", 979], ["stomp", 989], ["stomps", 989], ["stomping", 989], ["stomped", 989], ["emergency", 1006], ["car", 1032], ["hard", 1049], ["spun", 1054], ["spin", 1054], ["tire", 1062], ["tires", 1062], ["smoking", 1084], ["shoot", 1096], ["shooted", 1096], ["shot", 1096], ["intersection", 1118], ["seat", 1128], ["belt", 1133], ["belts", 1133], ["belted", 1133], ["belting", 1133], ["beltest", 1133], ["snap", 1141], ["snapping", 1141], ["snapped", 1141], ["tight", 1147], ["jerk", 1157], ["jerks", 1157], ["jerked", 1157], ["jerking", 1157], ["try", 1191], ["tryed", 1191], ["tried", 1191], ["get", 1198], ["control", 1206], ["oncoming", 1236], ["clip", 1296], ["clipped", 1296], ["right", 1305], 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3446], ["white", 3452], ["voice", 3463], ["thin", 3472], ["thins", 3472], ["shaky", 3482], ["nose", 3496], ["nosed", 3496], ["nosing", 3496], ["run", 3508], ["running", 3508], ["swipe", 3533], ["bright", 3561], ["brights", 3561], ["smear", 3567], ["smearing", 3567], ["additional", 3604], ["drip", 3617], ["dripping", 3617], ["gently", 3642], ["lift", 3649], ["lifted", 3649], ["carry", 3677], ["carried", 3677], ["grassy", 3694], ["pick", 3711], ["picking", 3711], ["tangle", 3736], ["tangling", 3736], ["direction", 3773], ["directions", 3773], ["come", 3782], ["complete", 3796], ["halt", 3801], ["halts", 3801], ["haltest", 3801], ["steam", 3809], ["steams", 3809], ["steamed", 3809], ["steamest", 3809], ["rise", 3814], ["risen", 3814], ["rose", 3814], ["crumple", 3832], ["crumpled", 3832], ["motorist", 3886], ["motorists", 3886], ["help", 3899], ["helpest", 3899], ["helping", 3899], ["inside", 3916], ["four", 3948], ["lane", 3953], ["lanes", 3953], ["three", 3968], ["rest", 3980], 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she could n't go back downstairs now-not like this and certainly not with guests still milling about . she had n't checked the clock , but if william was n't back yet like he 'd promised he would be , then that could only mean that he was still busy entertaining their friends . her eyes settled upon the door that connected her room with william 's ; it was standing slightly ajar . surely a man like him , trained to be a soldier and a spy , would keep a weapon close to where he slept . without another moment 's hesitation , she crossed the floor , picked the oil lamp from her bedside table , and pulled the door wide open . she then paused for a moment on the threshold , knowing that with one more step she would violate william 's privacy , betraying his trust yet again . a deep breath strengthened her resolve . she could turn to no one for help in this matter and was therefore forced to protect herself and her loved ones by whatever means necessary . her movements were quick and determined this time as she walked through to her husband 's sanctuary-a room she 'd visited on only one previous occasion . her eyes went directly to the couple of chairs where they 'd sat and shared a glass of brandy together two days earlier . she doubted that he 'd be inclined to share anything with her again if he discovered her rummaging through his things like a thief in the middle of the night . turning about , she wondered where to start . it was one thing to be in his room without permission but far more difficult to actually open a drawer and peek inside . it would also be a lot harder to explain such an action if she got caught . with a forceful mental shove , she pushed her misgivings aside and carefully opened the top drawer in william 's dresser . peering inside , she found some handkerchiefs , all neatly folded and stacked on one side . next to them were his cravats , and next to them , a few different accessories-pocket watches , a monogrammed cigar case , three pairs of gloves , and a couple of leather wallets . closing the drawer back up again , she moved on to the next one , finding only crisp , white shirts this time . by the time she was done looking , she was forced to concede that if william did have a dagger or a pistol hidden away in his room , then it had to be somewhere else . she paused to think as her eyes swept over the four-poster bed , the metallic threads on its burgundy colored quilt shimmering in the glow from the oil lamp that lucy had placed on top of the dresser . a bedside table with a couple of drawers stood on either side . stepping toward the one on the right , lucy reached out and pulled open the drawer . a book was the first thing to catch her attention-bensley 's the officer 's manual in the field . a slow smile pulled at lucy 's lips as she stared down at the leather-bound edition . of course her husband would have such a book by his bed rather than a novel or a collection of poetry , for which she knew he cared very little . reminding herself of her task at hand , she pushed it gently aside and reached inside the drawer until her hand found something cold , hard , and metallic . her breath was one of relief as she pulled the object out , revealing a single shot manton pistol . careful to point it away from herself , she turned it over in her hands , studying it as she wondered whether it might be loaded . she supposed it must be in case william happened to need it in a hurry , but she could n't be sure . for that matter , she was n't even completely certain that she 'd be able to figure out how to use it if she had to . with a frown , she reached back inside the drawer and pulled out a small box of shot and powder . she 'd have to examine everything more closely , but she 'd do so in her own room and with the door locked . closing the drawer , she went back to retrieve the lantern from the dresser and was just about to exit the room when the door opened and william stepped inside , his eyes widening with momentary surprise as he spotted her . concern abandoned his features , and he gave her a warm smile of appreciation as he started toward her , but then his gaze dropped to her hand , and he slowed until he stood completely still . a frown transformed his features into a mask of worry , though his voice remained completely calm . `` no ... nothing , '' lucy stammered as a flash of heat rose to the surface of her skin and her hands began to tremble . he was in front of her in a second , his much larger body looming over her as he braced his hands on either side of her slight figure , keeping her trapped .	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he was showing off in front of his buddies , speeding on the wrong side of the road . i guess till now , i have been collectively blaming all mortals for it . i grew up in an orphanage and even though my foster parents were great people , its not the same as having ... a real family . my parents could have lived forever , they could have been here with me right now , but that guy took them away from me . they could live forever ? how he started , confused , clearly trying to add things up in his head . yes , i know its hard to believe , she said . im 80 years old . i was born in 2025 , one year before tami came into force . at that time , my parents were allowed to have me and remain immortal . a brief shock that flashed through his face proved that he appreciated the magnitude of her confession . she was quite shocked herself real age was the biggest taboo in the world of immortals . people wouldnt reveal it to their closest friends , never mind work colleagues or someone they had known for just a few months . but she felt strangely safe speaking to him . for reasons she couldnt grasp at this moment in time , he just inspired trust in her . now i understand your dislike towards mortals , he said . it doesnt justify it . you are overestimating me . i am not , she said . you have no idea how much you opened my eyes to the truth about mortals . after finding out the role that your father played in the creation of the hovering engine , i did more research on other inventions , and i was shocked to find out that in the majority of cases it was a mortal who made the crucial breakthrough . i dont understand how the immortals can be so convinced we are the smartest lot , when in reality its the mortals who achieve so much more . its a huge overstatement , he replied . my father would quote : its not that im so smart , its just that i stay with problems longer . albert einstein . its very ironic , dont you think ? i mean , you would have thought that the immortals , having all the time in the world , would stay with problems longer , and not the mortals , whose lives only last for a few decades . you dont give up as easily if you know you only have one shot at it . you know your time is limited , so you make the most of it . i guess but there must be more to it , i mean those immortal teams were under huge pressure from investors , so its not like they didnt try . they just couldnt crack it . well , i guess our good old evolution is still working , he smiled . the potential of the people who are already here only stretches so far . we need new blood to push science forward . gerry emerged from the kitchen carrying two plates . he was wearing kitchen gloves . ok , my dears , he said with his usual cheeky smile , watch out for the hot plates . wow , amari said , we are being served by the head chef himself ! you are most welcome , gorgeous , he said , putting the plate in front of her . mmmm , amaranthine inhaled the smell of the dish . eggs benedict . the food was first class , the yolk from the perfectly poached eggs trickled down the crispy muffins and slices of lean , grilled bacon . she only now realized how hungry she was . with all that had been going on , shed hardly eaten since friday ! when they finished , daniel took the plates back to the kitchen and came back with another pot of coffee . she sipped it slowly , glancing at the city . the sun was high enough now for its rays to illuminate the skyscrapers from top to bottom . the traffic had significantly intensified over the last half hour . a penny for your thoughts , she heard daniel say . she apprehended that shed been silent for an unusually long moment , her eyes fixed on the panorama of the city . sorry , she said with a smile , i was just going over some things in my head . and i remembered that athos mclaren asked to be sent a contract as early as possible this morning . you probably want to do it when you get back to your office . also , she added , taking her idatron out of her handbag and switching it on , i need to give you the details of his friend who is interested in a similar deal . i mean , i dont mind doing it , of course , but i think the way our tasks are divided now works pretty well , dont you ? you mean you still want to work with me ? well , i was hoping you would , she smiled . but after the way i acted , and the terrible things i said to you , i didnt think youd ever want to work with me . i didnt want to assume that just because you accepted my apology today , everything was back to normal . most people wouldnt forgive this sort of thing easily , they would hold a grudge for lifes too short for grudges , amari , daniel interrupted , well , at least as far as im concerned .	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he reached over to the nightstand to get the remote and handed it to her . they ate in silence , the television covering the awkwardness . she ate the sandwich he 'd fixed and periodically switched channels . after the thirteenth channel , he cast her a sideways look . `` i thought guys were the serial flippers ? '' short attention span . it used to bug the shit out of david . hannah would leave the room when we started arguing . '' for the first time since angelina had burst into his well-ordered existence , he did n't experience a surge of pain when she talked about david and hannah . `` she never did like arguing . she was a born peacemaker . '' `` and i was a born hothead . not sure where i got it . david said our dad was a lot like hannah . i think david took after him . he was always so even keel . he used to tease me and tell me i got all the latin genes . '' she put her sandwich down and turned her soft dark eyes on him . `` do you ever see your folks , micah ? '' he recoiled and looked away . how much did she know about his family anyway ? as far as he was concerned they did n't exist . his family was david and hannah , and they were dead . david said you had n't seen them since you left home all those years ago . '' `` then you have the answer to your question . '' `` i thought maybe you 'd gone to see them after david and hannah died . '' he turned back to her , his expression hard . they are n't my family , angel . my family died . '' `` what happened with them ? why do you hate them so much ? '' his laugh cracked and sounded pretty pathetic . to hate someone you have to feel . i do n't think about them at all . they donated genetic material to me . that 's the extent of the credit i give them in my life . '' `` wow , '' she breathed out . `` there wo n't ever be any hallmark make-up moments with them . they stopped existing the moment i walked out of the door when i was eighteen . i 'm happy with the arrangement , and i do n't really give a shit whether they are or not . '' `` that 's been years ago , angel . no sense dragging it back up . it just does n't matter anymore . '' she turned her attention back to the tv and continued flipping the channels until he was ready to snatch the damn remote from her hand and knock her in the head with it . he muttered as he reached for her plate . he gathered the dishes and the tray and trekked downstairs to return everything to the kitchen . when he got back upstairs , angelina had burrowed under the covers , the remote still firmly in her grasp . he stripped down to his underwear and stood by the side of the bed . `` if you promise not to knee me in the balls , i 'll ditch the underwear too . '' `` have problems with women being too active in their sleep ? '' he grunted as he slipped out of his underwear and climbed into bed . `` you try getting your balls rearranged in the middle of the night . not a nice way to wake up . '' she giggled and quickly burrowed into his side . she made a sweet sound of contentment and lifted the remote to turn off the tv . `` did you , david and hannah all sleep together ? i mean in the same bed ? '' `` angel , honey , you lived with us . surely you ought to know the answer to that . '' `` i never ventured into your part of the house . i was never sure how much you were comfortable with me knowing . '' `` hannah never talked to you ? i mean i thought women dished about pretty much everything . '' `` hannah was n't like that . you know how private she was . '' `` we had two bedrooms but more often than not , we shared the same one . sometimes if one of us wanted some private time with hannah , the other would bunk in the other bedroom for the night . '' `` i always thought yours and david 's relationship was pretty special . you were there before hannah , i mean with david . '' `` i met david right after i left home . your father had just died and he was taking care of you . '' `` yeah , i remember , '' she said softly . `` i met hannah after we got out of the academy . since david and i were so close , we all naturally spent a lot of time together . i suspected they had feelings for each other , but both were too honorable to act on them . they were both afraid of hurting me . '' he smiled at the sudden flash of memories . `` it takes a pretty special man to do what you did . '' `` it just seemed natural . i never gave it any thought . it never occurred to me to be jealous .	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["ever", 958], ["everest", 958], ["see", 962], ["folk", 973], ["folks", 973], ["micah", 981], ["recoil", 998], ["recoils", 998], ["recoilest", 998], ["recoiled", 998], ["look", 1009], ["looked", 1009], ["away", 1014], ["much", 1025], ["know", 1038], ["knowest", 1038], ["family", 1055], ["anyway", 1062], ["far", 1071], ["concern", 1091], ["concerned", 1091], ["concernest", 1091], ["exist", 1110], ["existest", 1110], ["dead", 1165], ["see", 1195], ["seen", 1195], ["left", 1215], ["leave", 1215], ["home", 1220], ["homing", 1220], ["year", 1236], ["years", 1236], ["ago", 1240], ["answer", 1273], ["answeres", 1273], ["answerest", 1273], ["question", 1290], ["maybe", 1314], ["go", 1326], ["goest", 1326], ["gone", 1326], ["die", 1366], ["died", 1366], ["back", 1386], ["expression", 1410], ["hard", 1415], ["angel", 1448], ["happen", 1487], ["happened", 1487], ["hate", 1515], ["hateed", 1515], ["laugh", 1543], ["crack", 1551], ["cracked", 1551], ["sound", 1563], ["sounded", 1563], ["pretty", 1570], ["prettiest", 1570], ["pathetic", 1579], ["feel", 1614], ["donate", 1664], ["donated", 1664], ["genetic", 1672], ["genetics", 1672], ["material", 1681], ["extent", 1708], ["credit", 1722], ["give", 1729], ["life", 1745], ["lifes", 1745], ["wow", 1757], ["breathe", 1775], ["breathes", 1775], ["breathed", 1775], ["wo", 1793], ["hallmark", 1818], ["hallmarks", 1818], ["moment", 1834], ["moments", 1834], ["stop", 1859], ["stopped", 1859], ["exist", 1868], ["existest", 1868], ["existing", 1868], ["moment", 1879], ["walk", 1888], ["walked", 1888], ["door", 1904], ["eighteen", 1924], ["eighteens", 1924], ["happy", 1937], ["arrangement", 1958], ["really", 1980], ["whether", 2000], ["sense", 2066], ["drag", 2075], ["dragging", 2075], ["matter", 2112], ["mattering", 2112], ["anymore", 2120], ["tv", 2165], ["continue", 2179], ["continued", 2179], ["flip", 2188], ["flipping", 2188], ["ready", 2220], ["snatch", 2230], ["snatches", 2230], ["damn", 2239], ["damned", 2239], ["hand", 2260], ["knock", 2270], ["knocks", 2270], ["knockest", 2270], ["head", 2286], ["mutter", 2308], ["mutterest", 2308], ["muttering", 2308], ["muttered", 2308], ["plate", 2336], ["plating", 2336], ["gather", 2350], ["gatherest", 2350], ["gathered", 2350], ["dish", 2361], ["dished", 2361], ["dishes", 2361], ["tray", 2374], ["trays", 2374], ["trek", 2386], ["downstairs", 2397], ["return", 2407], ["returnest", 2407], ["everything", 2418], ["kitchen", 2433], ["kitchens", 2433], ["upstairs", 2461], ["burrow", 2485], ["burrowing", 2485], ["burrowed", 2485], ["cover", 2502], ["covers", 2502], ["still", 2521], ["firmly", 2528], ["grasp", 2541], ["grasped", 2541], ["grasping", 2541], ["strip", 2555], ["stripped", 2555], ["underwear", 2577], ["stood", 2587], ["stand", 2587], ["standest", 2587], ["side", 2599], ["sidest", 2599], ["bed", 2610], ["promise", 2630], ["knee", 2642], ["ball", 2658], ["balls", 2658], ["ditch", 2672], ["problem", 2712], ["problems", 2712], ["woman", 2723], ["womans", 2723], 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3340], ["dish", 3407], ["dished", 3407], ["private", 3492], ["two", 3519], ["twos", 3519], ["bedroom", 3528], ["bedrooms", 3528], ["often", 3543], ["share", 3564], ["shared", 3564], ["bunk", 3662], ["bunks", 3662], ["bunked", 3662], ["bedroom", 3683], ["relationship", 3754], ["special", 3773], ["meet", 3838], ["meeted", 3838], ["met", 3838], ["right", 3850], ["rightest", 3850], ["father", 3882], ["fathered", 3882], ["fathering", 3882], ["take", 3914], ["taking", 3914], ["care", 3919], ["yeah", 3939], ["remember", 3952], ["rememberest", 3952], ["softly", 3973], ["academy", 4023], ["close", 4057], ["naturally", 4076], ["spend", 4082], ["spends", 4082], ["spendest", 4082], ["spent", 4082], ["suspect", 4119], ["suspected", 4119], ["feeling", 4137], ["feelings", 4137], ["honorable", 4182], ["act", 4189], ["acted", 4189], ["afraid", 4221], ["hurt", 4232], ["hurts", 4232], ["hurting", 4232], ["smile", 4250], ["smiled", 4250], ["sudden", 4264], ["flash", 4270], ["memory", 4282], ["memories", 4282], ["take", 4296], ["takes", 4296], ["man", 4317], ["mans", 4317], ["manned", 4317], ["seem", 4359], ["seeming", 4359], ["seemed", 4359], ["natural", 4367], ["give", 4382], ["gave", 4382], ["occur", 4417], ["occurest", 4417], ["occurred", 4417], ["jealous", 4437]]
~~~ that night , as james drove her new honda down the country road , joni closed her eyes and thought back to the events of the day . after isaac fell off the swing , james acted different . although his eyes caressed her from across the room as the family sang carols around the piano , the kisses and hugs stopped . she reached for his hand , but it was on the steering wheel . her fingers rested on his jeans . he braked at the stop sign and signaled right . yeah , joni ? he was studying the oncoming traffic and didnt look her way . she unbuckled and crowded his space . when he turned his head , she covered his mouth with her own . he returned her kiss and the air sizzled between them . joni felt the jolt when he placed the car in park . his arms came around her and the steering wheel pressed against her spine . she scrambled back into her seatbelt . the heat in jamess eyes was brighter that the headlights that zoomed around them . just checking to see if you still love me . jamess laugh stirred a sleeping isaac in the backseat . content with the knowledge that james was his old self again , she leaned against the seat . her eyelids drifted as he pulled onto the highway . warm , soft lips kissed her hand . slowly , she stirred and smiled . he pressed the apartment key into her palm . open the door and ill carry isaac . she blinked and yawned . he followed her up the red-stained , wooden stairs . she fumbled with the keys and opened the door . james entered with isaac . in isaacs room , she pulled back the sheets . james laid his son on the mattress and stepped aside allowing joni to remove isaacs little sneakers . he curled under the covers as she kissed his cheek and whispered , goodnight , sweetie . night , joni . in the hall , she stepped into jamess waiting arms and snuggled against his chest . his heartbeat was strong . his arms comforting . dont go back to sleep . as if she could sleep standing up . he led her to the master bedroom . she remembered pastors words on keeping your distance and untangled herself from his arms . with a flourish , he opened the closet and flung back the sheet that hid isaacs christmas gifts . because , mrs. claus , its time to play santa . santa came ! isaacs voice intruded on her wonderful dream . she opened her eyes to stare into his excited face . wait till you see what he brought you . he bounded off the bed and she rose up on her elbows . james reclined against the bedroom doorframe with a mug of coffee in his hand . his lips tugged upward as she scooted out from the covers . she felt his gaze and was glad she wore her new pajamas instead of a nightgown . although james agreed the bedroom was off-limits during his overnight visits , she had to admit her dream of him lying beside her was fresh on her mind . his habit of not wearing a shirt wasnt helping the situation . ready to open presents ? she smoothed a hand through her hair and crossed the room . ignoring the desire to snuggle against him , she kissed his cheek and ducked under his arm into the hall . isaac raced back from the living room and snatched her hand . she stifled a yawn and quickened her pace . between the colorful , lit tree and a mountain of gifts , the keyboard shed admired in the mall called to her . a big red bow shined from the middle of its keys . ribbon trailed down to an amplifier hidden behind the tree . isaac jumped in his battery-powered truck and promptly drove into the wall . she should scold him . slowly , as if in a dream , she weaved a path through the gifts and trailed her fingers down the weighted keys . james reached around her and turned on the power . a kiss landed on her neck . she turned into his arms . his lips twitched once . joni glanced over her shoulder and then back at the man she loved . i love it , and i love you . now , teach me to play church music . he groaned playfully against her neck . forget church . how about heaven ? its the first song i can remember singing . the look in his eyes had nothing whatsoever to do with gods home , but joni turned and placed her hands on the keys . strong arms came around her . put your hands on top of mine . i cant tell you the notes , so close your eyes and feel the music . she did as he asked , and he sang about the desire to experience heaven . though the rhythm of his song was similar to that heard in church , his sultry voice reminded her of last nights dream of forbidden pleasures . warm breath tickled her ear and joni shivered with sensations that were everything but godly . she opened her eyes and removed her hands . james , your music feels different . are you sure this song is about jesus ?	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392], ["rest", 399], ["rested", 399], ["jean", 412], ["jeans", 412], ["brake", 424], ["braked", 424], ["stop", 436], ["sign", 441], ["signal", 454], ["signaled", 454], ["right", 460], ["rightest", 460], ["yeah", 467], ["study", 492], ["studying", 492], ["oncoming", 505], ["traffic", 513], ["traffics", 513], ["trafficking", 513], ["look", 528], ["way", 536], ["ways", 536], ["unbuckle", 552], ["unbuckles", 552], ["unbuckled", 552], ["crowd", 564], ["crowdest", 564], ["crowding", 564], ["crowded", 564], ["space", 574], ["spaced", 574], ["spacing", 574], ["turn", 591], ["turned", 591], ["head", 600], ["cover", 614], ["covered", 614], ["mouth", 624], ["mouthed", 624], ["return", 651], ["returnest", 651], ["returned", 651], ["kiss", 660], ["kisses", 660], ["kissest", 660], ["air", 672], ["airs", 672], ["airing", 672], ["sizzle", 680], ["sizzles", 680], ["sizzled", 680], ["feel", 705], ["felt", 705], ["jolt", 714], ["jolted", 714], ["place", 729], ["placed", 729], ["car", 737], ["park", 745], ["parks", 745], ["arm", 756], ["arms", 756], ["come", 761], ["came", 761], ["press", 803], ["pressed", 803], ["spine", 821], ["scramble", 837], ["scrambled", 837], ["seatbelt", 860], ["heat", 871], ["heats", 871], ["heated", 871], ["bright", 899], ["brights", 899], ["headlight", 919], ["headlights", 919], ["zoom", 931], ["zoomed", 931], ["check", 959], ["checking", 959], ["see", 966], ["still", 979], ["love", 984], ["laugh", 1002], ["stir", 1010], ["stirs", 1010], ["stirred", 1010], ["slept", 1021], ["sleep", 1021], ["sleeps", 1021], ["sleepest", 1021], ["sleeping", 1021], ["backseat", 1043], ["content", 1053], ["contenting", 1053], ["knowledge", 1072], ["old", 1095], ["self", 1100], ["lean", 1119], ["leans", 1119], ["leaned", 1119], ["seat", 1136], ["eyelid", 1150], ["eyelids", 1150], ["drift", 1158], ["drifting", 1158], ["drifted", 1158], ["pull", 1171], ["pulled", 1171], ["onto", 1176], ["ontos", 1176], ["highway", 1188], ["warm", 1195], ["soft", 1202], ["lip", 1207], ["lipped", 1207], ["lips", 1207], ["kiss", 1214], ["kisses", 1214], ["kissest", 1214], ["kissed", 1214], ["slowly", 1232], ["smile", 1257], ["smiled", 1257], ["apartment", 1284], ["key", 1288], ["keyed", 1288], ["keyest", 1288], ["palm", 1302], ["palms", 1302], ["palmed", 1302], ["palmest", 1302], ["open", 1309], ["door", 1318], ["ill", 1326], ["ills", 1326], ["illest", 1326], ["carry", 1332], ["blink", 1352], ["blinked", 1352], ["yawn", 1363], ["yawns", 1363], ["yawnest", 1363], ["yawned", 1363], ["follow", 1377], ["followed", 1377], ["red", 1392], ["wooden", 1409], ["stair", 1416], ["stairs", 1416], ["fumble", 1430], ["fumbled", 1430], ["key", 1444], ["keyed", 1444], ["keyest", 1444], ["keys", 1444], ["open", 1455], ["opened", 1455], ["enter", 1480], ["entered", 1480], ["sheet", 1537], ["sheets", 1537], ["lay", 1550], ["lays", 1550], ["layed", 1550], ["layest", 1550], ["laid", 1550], ["son", 1558], ["mattress", 1574], ["mattresses", 1574], ["step", 1586], ["stepped", 1586], ["aside", 1592], ["allow", 1601], ["allowing", 1601], ["remove", 1616], ["little", 1630], ["sneaker", 1639], ["sneakers", 1639], ["curl", 1651], ["curls", 1651], ["curled", 1651], ["cover", 1668], ["covers", 1668], ["cheek", 1692], ["cheeks", 1692], ["whisper", 1706], ["whispered", 1706], ["goodnight", 1718], ["sweetie", 1728], ["hall", 1757], ["wait", 1791], ["waitest", 1791], ["waiting", 1791], ["snuggle", 1809], ["snuggled", 1809], ["chest", 1827], ["heartbeat", 1843], ["heartbeats", 1843], ["strong", 1854], ["comfort", 1876], ["comforting", 1876], ["go", 1886], ["goest", 1886], ["slept", 1900], ["sleep", 1900], ["sleeps", 1900], ["sleepest", 1900], ["stood", 1933], ["stand", 1933], ["standest", 1933], ["standing", 1933], ["lead", 1945], ["leaded", 1945], ["led", 1945], ["master", 1963], ["bedroom", 1971], ["remember", 1988], ["rememberest", 1988], ["remembered", 1988], ["pastor", 1996], ["pastors", 1996], ["word", 2002], ["words", 2002], ["keep", 2013], ["keepest", 2013], ["keeping", 2013], ["distance", 2027], ["distancing", 2027], ["untangle", 2041], ["untangled", 2041], ["flourish", 2081], ["closet", 2104], ["closets", 2104], ["fling", 2114], ["flung", 2114], ["sheet", 2129], ["hides", 2138], ["hid", 2138], ["gift", 2161], ["gifts", 2161], ["mrs", 2177], ["claus", 2184], ["time", 2195], ["play", 2203], ["playest", 2203], ["santa", 2209], ["santas", 2209], ["voice", 2237], ["intrude", 2246], ["intruded", 2246], ["wonderful", 2263], ["dream", 2269], ["dreamt", 2269], ["dreamest", 2269], ["stare", 2300], ["stared", 2300], ["face", 2322], ["wait", 2329], ["waitest", 2329], ["till", 2334], ["bring", 2358], ["brought", 2358], ["bound", 2375], ["bounded", 2375], ["bed", 2387], ["rise", 2400], ["risen", 2400], ["rose", 2400], ["elbow", 2417], ["elbowing", 2417], ["elbows", 2417], ["recline", 2434], ["reclined", 2434], ["doorframe", 2464], ["mug", 2475], ["coffee", 2485], ["tug", 2515], ["tugging", 2515], ["tugged", 2515], ["upward", 2522], ["scoot", 2537], ["gaze", 2577], 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["racing", 3061], ["raced", 3061], ["snatch", 3100], ["snatches", 3100], ["snatched", 3100], ["stifle", 3123], ["stifled", 3123], ["yawn", 3130], ["yawns", 3130], ["yawnest", 3130], ["quicken", 3144], ["quickens", 3144], ["quickened", 3144], ["pace", 3153], ["colorful", 3176], ["lit", 3182], ["light", 3182], ["tree", 3187], ["treed", 3187], ["treeing", 3187], ["mountain", 3202], ["keyboard", 3226], ["shed", 3231], ["admire", 3239], ["admired", 3239], ["mall", 3251], ["call", 3258], ["called", 3258], ["big", 3273], ["bigs", 3273], ["bow", 3281], ["shine", 3288], ["shone", 3288], ["shined", 3288], ["middle", 3304], ["middles", 3304], ["middling", 3304], ["ribbon", 3325], ["trail", 3333], ["trailed", 3333], ["amplifier", 3354], ["hides", 3361], ["hidden", 3361], ["behind", 3368], ["jump", 3392], ["jumps", 3392], ["jumped", 3392], ["battery", 3407], ["power", 3415], ["powered", 3415], ["truck", 3421], ["promptly", 3434], ["wall", 3454], ["scold", 3473], ["scolds", 3473], ["weave", 3518], ["weaving", 3518], ["weaved", 3518], ["path", 3525], ["power", 3641], ["land", 3657], ["landed", 3657], ["neck", 3669], ["necked", 3669], ["twitch", 3716], ["twitching", 3716], ["twitchest", 3716], ["twitched", 3716], ["glance", 3736], ["glanced", 3736], ["shoulder", 3754], ["shouldered", 3754], ["man", 3779], ["mans", 3779], ["manned", 3779], ["love", 3789], ["loved", 3789], ["teach", 3832], ["church", 3850], ["churching", 3850], ["music", 3856], ["musics", 3856], ["groan", 3869], ["groans", 3869], ["groanest", 3869], ["groaning", 3869], ["groaned", 3869], ["playfully", 3879], ["forget", 3905], ["forgot", 3905], ["heaven", 3931], ["heavens", 3931], ["first", 3947], ["firstest", 3947], ["song", 3952], ["remember", 3967], ["rememberest", 3967], ["singing", 3975], ["nothing", 4010], ["whatsoever", 4021], ["god", 4037], ["gods", 4037], ["home", 4042], ["homing", 4042], ["hand", 4081], ["hands", 4081], ["put", 4129], ["top", 4147], ["tell", 4169], ["note", 4183], ["notes", 4183], ["close", 4194], ["feel", 4213], ["ask", 4245], ["asked", 4245], ["experience", 4290], ["experienced", 4290], ["though", 4306], ["rhythm", 4317], ["rhythms", 4317], ["similar", 4341], ["hear", 4355], ["hears", 4355], ["heard", 4355], ["sultry", 4378], ["remind", 4393], ["reminded", 4393], ["last", 4405], ["night", 4412], ["nights", 4412], ["pleasure", 4441], ["pleasures", 4441], ["breath", 4455], ["breathest", 4455], ["tickle", 4463], ["tickling", 4463], ["tickled", 4463], ["ear", 4471], ["shiver", 4489], ["shivering", 4489], ["shivered", 4489], ["sensation", 4505], ["sensations", 4505], ["everything", 4526], ["godly", 4536], ["remove", 4570], ["removed", 4570], ["feel", 4607], ["feels", 4607], ["sure", 4632], ["jesus", 4657]]
it is an omen . '' she turned and looked at thor . `` it means a death is coming . a death of someone very close . '' thor felt a chill on his spine . a sudden cold breeze ran through the meadow on this summer day , he knew , with absolute certainty , that she was right . gwendolyn walked alone through the castle , taking the spiral staircase , twisting and turning her way to the top . her mind raced with thoughts of thor . of their walk . of their kiss . and then , of that snake . she burned with conflicting emotions . on the one hand , she had been elated to be with him ; on the other , she was terror-stricken by that snake , and she knew it meant a death was coming . but she did not know for whom , and she could not get that out of her mind either . she feared it was for someone in her family . could it be one of her brothers ? godfrey ? kendrick ? could it be her mother ? or , she shuddered to even think , her father ? the site of that snake had cast a somber shadow on their joyous day , and once their mood had been shattered , they had been unable to get it back . they had made their way back together to the court , parting ways right before they came out of the woods , so they would not be seen . the last thing she wanted was for her mother to catch them together . but gwen would not give up thor so easily , and she would find a way to combat her mother ; she needed time to figure out her strategy . it had been painful to part with thor ; thinking back on it , she felt badly . she had meant to ask him if he would see her again , had meant to make a plan for another day . but she had been in a daze , so distraught by the site of that snake that she had forgotten . now she wondered if he thought she did n't care for her . the second she had arrived at king 's court , her father 's servants had summoned her . she had been ascending the steps ever since , her heart beating , wondering why he wanted to see her . had she had been spotted with thor ? there could be no other reason her father wanted to see her so urgently . was he , too , going to forbid her to see him ? she could hardly imagine that he would . he had always taken her side . gwen , nearly out of breath , finally reached the top . she hurried down the corridor , passed the attendants who snapped at attention and opened the door for her to her father 's chamber . two more servants , waiting inside , bowed at her presence . `` leave us , '' her father said to them . they bowed and hurried from the room , closing the door behind them with a reverberating echo . her father rose from his desk , a big smile on his face , and ventured towards her across the vast chamber . she felt at ease , as she always did , at the sight of him , and felt relieved to see no anger in his expression . `` my gwendolyn , '' he said . he held out his arms and embraced her in a big hug . she embraced him back , and he directed her to two huge chairs , placed on an angle beside the roaring fire . several large dogs , wolfhounds , most of whom she had known since childhood , got out of their way as they walked towards the fire . two of them followed her , and rested their heads in her lap . she was glad the fire was on : it had become unusually cold for a summer day . her father leaned in towards the fire , staring at the flames as the fire crackled before them . `` you know why i have summoned you ? '' she searched his face , but still was not sure . `` i do not , father . '' he looked back in surprise . `` our discussion the other day . with your siblings . about the kingship . that is what i wanted to discuss with you . '' gwen 's heart soared with relief . this was not about thor . it was about politics . stupid politics , which she could care less about . `` you look relieved , '' he said . `` what did you think we were going to discuss ? '' her father was too perceptive ; he always had been . he was one of the few people who could read her like a book . she had to be careful around him . `` nothing , father , '' she said quickly . `` so , then tell me . what do you think of my choice ? '' `` for my heir ! to the kingdom ! '' `` father , i was surprised , to say the least . i am not the firstborn . and i am a woman . i know nothing of politics . and care nothing for them - or for ruling a kingdom . i have no political ambition . i do not know why you chose me . '' `` it is precisely for those reasons , '' he said , his expression deadly serious .	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if you had a problem with someone else that could not be settled with words , you went to get one of the adults ( who were probably hovering about somewhere nearer than you realized ) . it may have made for a somewhat chaotic system , but it worked for the place that the center was . various short lasting volunteers had muttered ( and , at times , vocalized quite loudly ) about the dangers of unattended children and property damage and insurance premiums and potential fire hazards . the old guard volunteers , board members , and staff who still had brendas vision in their heads nodded amicably and agreed that those were all very important points to consider , but they continued on with the way things had always been handled . the only one of those arguments that had ever been taken very seriously was the one regarding fire hazards . the check-in desk had been turned into a command post of sorts with a video feed of the premises available for perusal . in addition , every member of the staff carried a radio for ease of communication . every childs first visit involved an in depth tour , and all of the fire exits were marked in glaringly impossible to ignore fashions . given that the children made their own scheduling choices , it might be surprising to learn that there was a sort of unspoken understanding between everyone in the building that it would be easy ( at nearly any given time ) to locate the majority of the children in the building . the largest crowd could always be found in the vicinity of abby . to say that she held court would not be just employing a turn of phrase or playing along with abbys declaration of the state of the circumstances . it was actually a fairly good description of what the majority of abbys time at the center entailed . she listened to problems , issued judgments , and led the children in games , songs , and occasional dance numbers . the children basked in her presence like sunflowers soaking up the light . it was , as keely often declared it , a wonderful sight to be seen if one could just stand back unobserved and take in the beauty of the interaction . the children made a game of being the first to spot abby when she entered the building , and a loud cry of princess sequoyah ! marked the winner . why it was princess sequoyah was something that even keely was not sure about , but the name had survived at least one set of children outgrowing the centers services ( and a fair few returning as young adults to volunteer some of their time in the place that had been special to their growing up years ) . abby never objected , so everyone just went along with it -- ensuring that the title of princess had stuck . she certainly dressed the part quite impressively . if any of the parents ever wondered why it was that their daughters had learned to be graceful while curtsying , they had never asked any member of the staff . it may be that a proper occasion for their offspring to demonstrate the acquisition of such skills had never arisen in their presence . on this particular day , the largest set of children could be found ( with abby ) in a room that was considered the indoor gym of sorts . what it was was a large open space where running and group games could be played indoors without anyone having to worry about knocking into anything or being so closely packed that more time was spent worrying about running into someone else than on actually playing . the children were engaged in perfecting a somewhat goofy dance number ( likely created by abby on the spot a few minutes earlier ) . they were giggling and chattering as the cd player provided the background music that struggled to be heard over the sounds of their enjoyment . whatever the purpose of this particular dance , it was obviously not to be tied down to any single song . each new offering from the player was received with a readjustment of rhythm on the part of the children ( with very little direction from abby which would correctly imply that this was a game that they had often played before ) . the variety of musical selections seemed to have been purposefully chosen to provide a great contrast from slow , almost operatic numbers to ones that were so upbeat that some of the children ended with their limbs in hopeless tangles from trying to keep up with them . whether they were performing their moves with exaggerated slowness , executing them perfectly in time , or ending in a giggling mess collapsed on the floor , they were all having a very good time -- and that , as the staff at the center would tell you , was the point . one last song increased in speed with each repetition of the chorus until everyone ( including abby ) had dropped out and was sitting or lying on the floor panting to catch their breath . they only nonparticipant in the event present was a man with a broom in the hallway who had paused to watch the tail end of the performance . he leaned against the broom itself and took in the scene of the laughing , happily worn out children with a soft smile on his face . it should be pointed out , however , that while he seemed amused enough by the children and their antics , the bulk of his smiles were directed at abby whenever he let his eyes wander in her direction .	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still catching my breath , i wandered over and inspected one of the sepia horses drawn on a flat stone above my head . if i stretched up on tiptoes , i could barely touch it with my fingertips . the flames from our fire flickered so the animal looked like it was galloping . i sneezed , and awhat would you call it ? a coven of bats stirred to life in an adjoining cave . they 'd been jumpy all day , ever since we 'd crashed their place . i suspected they were as tired of us as i was of them . jakob did n't seem to mind them , though . you would n't believe the lecture i got on bats when i asked what was making that horrible racket the first time they all freaked and started squeaking and flapping their leathery wings . did you know that bats have remained virtually unchanged for the past fifty million years ? and also , that bats are the only mammals capable of sustained flight ? i went from overheating like a furnace in july to shivering and rummaging for more clothes . jakob was n't cold . the weather had no effect on him . i 'd seen him soaked to the bone in torrential downpours in christchurch and also in madrid . he 'd only blinked away the rain . a sudden blizzard in the mountains of northern afghanistan did n't faze him , either . the weather got so bad that six people died during the two weeks we were stranded there , their frozen bodies discovered in snowdrifts . we quietly left before learning if they 'd caught the 'animal ' that had slashed their throats . when i asked him if he 'd killed those people , he said , `` i 'll never lie to you , abigail . '' so , was he implying that even though he was n't responsible for the deaths of the popsicle people , he knew whoor whatwas ? he has a way of answering a question that leaves me feeling a bit unsettled . `` i 'm cold , '' i volunteered , returning to my sleeping bag cocoon . his lips moved , and i considered the possibility that he might be praying , even though he 'd never struck me as the religious type . in all the cities we 'd visitedplaces like vienna , rome , and barcelonahe never once accompanied me into a church or cathedral . at first , i did n't know if he could n't because of , you know , his condition . but i did n't force the issue . i did n't want my vamp boyfriend to suddenly burst into flames upon entering st. peter 's basilica . another time he 'd explained about sacred sites . his inability to enter a church had to do with the whole dead/not dead thing being an affront to god . who would 've thought the undead had rules to obey ? shivering alone in my sleeping bag and wanting , craving , my man 's body heat to warm me up , a sharp rock still digging in my back and sending pain up my spine , with literally tons of stone above my head just waiting for me to close my eyes so they could fall and crush me to death in my sleep . in the dark , so far from home , i admitted i might have made a mistake running away with jakob . i missed my job . i missed my burgundy uniform and my duties , the day-to-day routine of filling vials with people 's blood . i missed comforting nervous patients and placating impossible doctors . i even missed the paperwork . i burst into tears as i wondered about my life choices . the tears only made my face colder . i snuffled and tried to generate some heat by rubbing my hands over my arms . i would 've liked for jakob to do that , but i did n't ask him . i could n't bear one more of his cold-hearted rejections at this point . out of the corner of my eye , i glanced at my travel companion , taut and muscled , his chest nicely filling out his black shirt . i could n't help but wonder what would happen to us . `` yes , abigail ? '' i still got shivers whenever he said my name . he could n't say it in an unsexy way even if he tried . `` what 's going to happen at the equinox ? '' i wormed my way closer . he played with my hair , and i wanted more . `` you promise that you 'll look after me and you wo n't let me die ? '' when it really came down to it , how trustworthy were vampires ? and just how was he going to heal me , anyway ? the details were as vague as ever . `` of course not , abigail . do n't worry , we 'll be together for ever , '' he assured me . he stood and picked up a smoldering piece of charcoal from the fire . then he dug around the side of the cave and unearthed a reddish stone .	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not wanting to show any hesitation , i took a left toward macy 's . as i walked , i felt slightly embarrassed at the hat and wished i 'd at least had time to find a more stylish one . minutes later , when i spotted a guardian , i was glad i 'd made such a quick fashion choice . he was near one of those carts you always see in the center of malls , pretending to be interested in cell phone covers . i recognized him first because of his stance and the way he was managing to act interested in a zebra print phone cover while simultaneously searching around him . plus , dhampirs could always distinguish each other from humans with close enough examination . for the most part , our two races appeared pretty identical , but i could spot one of my own . i made sure not to look right at him and felt his eyes pass over me . i did n't know him , which meant he probably did n't know me either . he was likely going off a photo he 'd seen once and expected my hair to be a big giveaway . keeping as casual an air as i could , i moved past him at a leisurely pace , glancing in windows that kept my back to him but sent no obvious messages that i was on the run . all the while , my heart pounded in my chest . guardians could kill me on sight . did that apply to the middle of a mall ? when i was clear of the cart , i picked up my pace a little . macy 's would have its own outside door , and now it was just a gamble to see whether or not i 'd made a good call coming in this direction . i entered the store , went down its escalator , and headed toward the main floor exit -- passing a very nice selection of cute berets and fedoras . i paused near them , not because i planned on upgrading my hat , but because it allowed me to fall in step just behind a group of girls who were also exiting . we left the store together , and my eyes quickly adjusted to the change in light . there were lots of people around , but i again saw nothing threatening . my girls stopped to chat , giving me an opportunity to get my bearings without appearing totally lost . to my right , i spotted the busy road dimitri and i had come in on , and from there , i knew how to get to the movie theater . i exhaled in relief and cut across the parking lot , still watching my surroundings . the farther i walked from the mall , the less crowded the parking lot became . lampposts kept it from being totally dark , but there was still an eerie feel as things grew quieter and quieter . my initial impulse was to head right for the road and take the sidewalk directly to the theater . it was well lit and had people . but a moment later , i decided it was too conspicuous . i was pretty sure i could cut across parking lots much more quickly to get to the theater . it proved true -- kind of . i had the theater in sight when i realized i had been followed after all . not far ahead of me , the shadow of a parking lamp 's post did n't cast correctly . the shadow was too broad . someone was behind the pole . i doubted a guardian had coincidentally picked this spot in the hopes dimitri or i would come by . most likely it was a scout who 'd seen me and circled ahead for an ambush . i kept walking , trying not to obviously slow down , though every muscle in my body was tensing for attack . i had to be the one who attacked first . i had to be in control . my moment came , seconds before i suspected my ambusher would have made his move . i leapt out , throwing him -- it turned out to be a dhampir i did n't recognize -- against a nearby car . of course , the surprise was mutual when the car 's alarm went off , blaring into the night . i winced , trying to ignore the shrieking as i punched my captive on the left side of his jaw . i had to make the most of having him pinned . the force of my fist knocked his head against the car , but he took it admirably , promptly pushing back in an effort to free himself . he was stronger , and i did stumble a little , but not enough to lose my balance . what i lacked in strength , i made up for in speed . i dodged each attempt at me , but it brought me little satisfaction . that stupid car alarm was still going strong , and it was eventually going to attract the attention of other guardians or human authorities . i dashed around the side of the car , and he gave chase , stopping when we were on opposite sides . it was like two kids playing keep-away . we mirrored each other as he tried to anticipate which direction i 'd go . in the dim lighting , i saw something surprising tucked into his belt : a gun . guardians were trained to use guns but rarely carried them . stakes were our weapon of choice .	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tyler punched me just below my eye , and i caught wind , almost sending me flat on my ass . everyone fucks up , cale . you need to be knocked down a peg because you think youre hot shit just because girls flock to you almost everywhere we go . remember bryn , thats all i have to say . i stood up after an attempt to regain my composure , my fist connecting with tylers cheek , which sent his head flying to the side . i tried to throw another punch but hal came from behind and hauled me over his shoulder . put me down , goddammit ! i shouted , feeling like a little kid going into time-out . raptor was holding tyler back , trying to calm him down . he could come at me again for all i cared , have at it . i wound up in jail for a night because of him before , and id gladly do it again . hal didnt say a word , taking gigantic steps as he kicked the door open and threw my ass onto the pavement . of course there were people outside just walking by and of course they stopped to see what the big scene was . i oughtta kick your ass my damn self , boy . hal stuck a finger in my face . are you trying to break up your own fucking band or what , pelton ? he screwed our set up , and i simply told him , i said as calmly as i could , even though my blood was past the boiling point and i felt like my head was going to explode . i can see straight through that lie , cale . youve got anger issues and one day karma will come back and bite your ass , hal said , walking back inside so he could get the rest of the equipment . turning back , he said , and ill stand there and laugh while you get whats coming to you . i didnt need him anyway . so what if he was lukes uncle ? i could fire his ass and hire a new driver . someone who wouldnt get in the way of me pounding tylers face into the floor . my knuckles were sore and red but the punches were damn well worth it . bryn came straight from the other side of the bus , where i heard a commotion of laughter . her mouth dropped a few feet at the sight of me , her face full of concern . she shrieked , noticing my black eye and my red knuckles . she ran straight to my side , offering her hand to pull me up . i heard a bunch of shouting but i couldnt figure out where it was coming from . before i could answer , tyler appeared outside , one hand covering the side of his face where i punched him . his gaze avoided me , but instead landed on my girlfriend . i should have punched his other side just for looking at bryn . bryn looked back and forth from tyler to me , her hands sifting furiously through the ends of her hair as her look of confusion turned to sheer pissed off . okay , she said , her jaw clenched . she used her finger to gesture tyler to come over to where we were . the two of you need to explain and now . she pointed from me to tyler . and you need to tell me why the frickin fuck you each look like you just got out of a wrestling ring . coming from my girlfriend , i must have really looked bad . you can thank your boyfriend for giving me shit about screwing up my drum line , tyler snapped . yeah , and you damn well deserved it ! we looked like crap up there after that . i glared at him , flashing him the finger . plus hes the reason i have this black eye , bryn . whoa , now you just sound like youre a little preschooler , cale . tyler cackled , his eyes narrowing in on my black eye . id do it again in a heartbeat . i think he had a death wish . i lunged towards him , sending both of us to the ground ; his head landed hard against the pavement . guys , you need to stop ! bryn let out a high pitched shriek , running around us and trying to figure out how to tear us apart . tyler managed to punch me right in the nose , and i could feel blood immediately pour down my face . i lifted my fist and nailed him not once , but twice more before tyler used his feet to kick me off of him . i stumbled again , falling against bryn , who stepped away from me with a scowl . i dont think you shouldve punched me in front of your girlfriend . tyler smirked underneath the blood and bruises that littered his face . you should really go back inside the bus , bryn . let us settle this shit . bryn gave him the middle finger . you two need to get cleaned up and make up because im not dealing with this band tension when we still have a few weeks to go . through this whole time we were outside , i never once thought about how she might be feeling when she saw me act like a raging monster . for a moment , i was scared i was going to lose my girl and my best friend .	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and even then , it was never good enough for the assholes out west , gina interjected , tying her hair into a high ponytail as she studied herself in the mirror . they never gave me the real reason both of them came back from california . i didnt believe for one second that they were plain homesick . i didnt know much about the modeling world , but i imagined it was cutthroat and people constantly nagged you about your weight and proportions . but regardless , i was still glad my besties were back with me . dont let whatever those people said to you get you guys down . i think you are gorgeous , darling . i used my best imitation of a british accent and gina and bethany started rolling on the floor laughing . after i gave bethany her dress for the night , i decided to go with a blue rhinestone halter top and black jeggings , along with my black flats with rhinestones at the toe line . i pinned my hair to one side with a bunch of pins and sprayed it down . gina stayed in her same top and skirt , changing into flats since she wore heeled boots at the show and she kept complaining that her feet were killing her . soon we heard a few knocks at our door . come on , girls lets get a move on ! i heard cales voice as he pounded on the door again . i opened it and he whistled at my appearance . howd i get so lucky to be your boyfriend ? cale murmured into my hair as his hands skimmed down my sides . i almost instantly blushed , that tingly feeling between my legs crept over me . only cale could make me feel that way . he looked handsome himself , dressed in a red polo shirt and designer jeans that reminded me of the first time we had lunch together . his typical unruly brown hair was slicked back with gel , showing off those unmistakable amber eyes . tyler and vince stood behind cale , waving at us eagerly . luke and raptor are trying to find the guys from the brittle souls and angels from hell , tyler told us . i guess weve got a chunk of the club downstairs reserved for us . gina rubbed her hands together in excitement . this is going to be even better than i pictured ! she smiled , grabbing my and bethanys hands and dragging us out of the room . now its your turn to follow us , boys ! i heard them chuckle behind us and tyler whispered , shes a feisty one . *** the nightclub built into the hotel was down a long hallway past the lobby towards a line of gigantic conference rooms that were used for parties and various business meetings . i could hear the bass pounding through the walls as we neared the entrance . luke and raptor were dressed similar to cale , and gave us girls hugs when they saw us from inside . i have a private table waiting for you . raptor winked at gina as she flashed her id to the bouncer and he led her through . she locked hands with him as they maneuvered through the crowd . you girls look beautiful tonight . luke looked from bethany over to me and back to bethany . she started tapping her foot , which i had learned meant she was a mix of nervous and anxious . she had it bad for luke and i thought it was cute to watch her twirl pieces of her hair with her fingers and tap her foot impatiently as if she was waiting for him to make a move . everyones already back there so lets grab the last of the spots , he told us . we followed suit , flashing our id to the bouncer and he let us through after trying to say i didnt look a day over 18 . just promise me you wont fight her , okay ? cale yelled over the loud music as we made our way past the dance floor into a private table area in the back for all of the bands . i squeezed his hand for reassurance . were out in public . of course i totally wont try and kick kallie coopers ass . i dont want any broken bones either , so im going to play it safe . well when were out of this place , youd better not play it safe , cale whispered close to my ear , his breath causing the hairs on my neck to stand straight up . upstairs in my own suite . in your dreams , my rock star boyfriend , i replied with a smirk , slapping his butt as we approached everyone . there were two large pleather couches in the shape of an l that faced each other , with kallie conveniently sitting in between flynn and krystal . i hadnt seen krystal that much so far on the first few days of tour , but from when i met her on new years eve , she seemed more down to earth than that bitch kallie . i really needed to come up with another name for her besides bitch . i make a mental note to do that later . krystal had dyed dark blue hair that was tied into a braid off one shoulder .	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a win-win situation copying exactly what he had said toher yesterday over breakfast . dante 's mouth opened , but no words came out . for the first time ever , he did n't know how to reply.woo-ho ! tammy thought to herself , he was speechless and she had done it . today seemed to be starting on the right foot . especially with the idea of stolen kisses . tammy watched as dante pulled up at the river side just outside of ashville . she had to admit his car was very nice , even though she knew nothing about cars , she was pretty sure it costed more than what her parents house was worth . she was still getting sad from not talking to them or her gran . she felt guilty saying they were dead to her . she should never of thought that , it was wrong . dante sat still and watched tammy as she drifted off into her own world again . he liked they way her big eyes stared ahead and how her teeth would bite down on her lip . he was surprised by her reaction last night , any other person would of run , but she had been curious about the whole thing . when her hand had touched his chest , he thought his heart was going to leap out . it had only been two days , how could she have this reaction on him already ? that 's why he had decided to do this for her . what do you think about when you do that ? her eyes drifted over to him . he rested his head against the seat , waiting to hear her talk . her voice was actually quite soothing to him . i was thinking about my parents and my grandmother . just saying that out loud brought a little ache to her heart . when i left i vowed they were dead to me . i should n't of thought that . it was a disgusting thing to do . dante could feel her pain . any rational person would have thought the same . they just gave you away , that was not fair . tammy 's eyes opened wide . just gave me away ? did n't he know about the money ? they did n't just give me away tammy watched dante 's expression harden and he tilted his head to the side . your father paid them ... i do n't know how much , i did n't want to know ... he paid them ? dante roared , tammy took back her hand and sat back a little . his hands clenched into fists , his jaw tight and his nostrils flaring . he opened the car door , got out and slammed it shut . tammy watched as he paced up and down , one minute his hands were in his hair and then clenched . tammy got out and walked round towards him . he warned , holding his hands up . tammy froze on the spot . fear began to flow through her . he looked like a wild animal ready to kill . she had n't feared him last night , but now he looked like a monster . i thought you had come on your own free will . he stopped pacing and began to take in deep breaths . i am sorry , tammy . his face relaxed and he turned back into the man in the car . if you want to go home ... go ... no , tammy cried , which surprised her , she really did n't want to go home . she placed a hand on her heart , she did ... she really did . only after two days , was it normal to feel something for someone in such a short period of time ? how would she know , she had never been in this situation before . he had been brave enough to tell her his dark secret . she had accepted who he was . a lot of work had been done yesterday and she was n't willing to give him up . no , he sighed , a little hint of a smile hit his lips . do n't be mad at your dad tammy returned the smile . he actually done good giving the money , the money is helping my grandmother with treatment and care . okay , just as long as one day you do n't become hostile towards me and blame me for wrecking your life . he looked down and the smile dropped off his face . i do n't think i would be able to live with that guilt . tammy now thought it was safe to get closer towards him . she wanted to try something . she moved her arms up and around dante 's waist , pulling him closer towards her . she rested her head on his chest and felt his heart beat against her cheek . at first he froze like a statue , he gave an agonizing groan , as if her hugging him caused him pain . tammy remained where she was and closed her eyes . dante 's arms gently embraced her back and he rested his chin on the top of her head . you 're very brave , he mumbled . im not brave , she laughed . i just know you 're not an evil blood sucking monster , dante . dante pulled away and coughed . he walked around to the boot of the car , and pulled out picnic basket .	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during the ceremony , the officiant kept rubbing his eyes , complaining that he 'd pulled a double shift with a hangover . his assistant turned the music up loud , either to keep him awake or annoy the hell out of him . '' `` elvis tunes at a vegas wedding . how cliche is that ? kata did n't say a word , just stared out the windshield , as if she were imagining the scene . `` did you have a dream wedding in mind ? '' `` i think most women do . i wanted to wear white and look beautiful . i wanted my brother to walk me down the aisle , with my mom and sister beaming in the first row . i wanted to hold a big bouquet of white roses , have a long train , and meet a man at the altar who 's crazy in love with me . '' if he could keep them together , hunter vowed that , someday , he 'd make that dream come true . `` at least you got the last part right , honey . '' he reached out , grabbed her hand . i know you have feelings for me , too , that scare you , but i think we can work everything out . '' we 're running from a killer , my mother is sick , we do n't see eye to eye , and what we have scares me half to death . you 're leaving town and- '' hunter leaned over and planted his lips on hers , silencing her . `` window dressing , all of it . we 're going to find the killer . your mother will recover . we 'll get along just fine once you realize we 're perfect for each other . there 's no reason for you to be scared . as for me leaving , yeah . `` hey , is that the golden arches up there ? a not-so-subtle change of subject . but pushing her now would be counterproductive . four days was n't a long time for anyone to fall in love , be comfortable with a new sexual lifestyle , and overcome years of relationship fear . hunter glanced at the clock , then stifled his urge to curse . he shipped out in seventy-two hours . they 'd come a long damn way in a short period of time . and he prayed they 'd make it ... but his hope was beginning to dim . kata swallowed nervously as hunter ushered her mother into the darkened house on the outskirts of tyler , texas . as they entered the classic southern brick house with large windows , a tall shadow fell over the threshold , same height and build as hunter . same haircut , same mien . this man also looked handsome as hell , but drawn , almost haunted . would hunter look like that in twenty years if she left and he never found love again ? the man relaxed , as if he 'd just identified the person entering his house as a non-threat . `` colonel , this is mrs . he nodded to mama , who looked so tiny in his arms . `` carlotta , '' her mother smothered a cough . if this is inconvenient- '' `` it 's not . call me caleb . '' he addressed hunter . `` set her on the sofa . i 'll take her up to her room when she 's ready . '' the colonel even sounded like hunter , a bit gruff , very to the point . kata lingered in the doorway . was leaving her mother here really a good idea ? it was doubtful that gordon would find her or f**k with someone as intimidating as the colonel , but could mama recover with a terse stranger hovering ? `` will do , sir , '' hunter said . as soon as he moved to do his father 's bidding , she sensed more than saw the colonel 's gaze zero in on her . though she could n't see his face clearly through the shadows , something about his stance said he was n't pleased . the colonel stepped forward finally , the foyer lights spilling across his face . god ... it really was like looking at hunter in twenty years . tawny hair , though his had sprinkles of gray . blue , blue eyes . attractive , hard , demanding . i 'm kata . '' she held out her hand , praying it did n't tremble . silently , she berated herself . if she and hunter were n't going to remain married for long , it hardly mattered whether his father liked her or not . but that logic did n't smother her anxiety . `` hunter 's bride ? '' he took her hand and stared hard . damn it , there was no way she would allow herself to feel inferior under that assessing glare . she lifted her chin and met his gaze , refusing to cower . `` she 's got spine , son , '' he called across the room to hunter . finally , a stiff smile crossed the man 's face , as if he knew she 'd been holding her breath , then he guided her into a cozy den dominated by a chocolate brown sectional and a huge flat screen . kata relaxed , but wondered ... what had the colonel expected ? hunter settled her mother on the sofa and wrapped a blanket around her .	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caroline turned and strode around the mustang 's boot . she opened it and pulled out her small rolling suitcase . ya 'll have fun . '' `` um , can i drop you someplace ? '' hugh asked , wondering about the provenance of the nickname randall had just used . rocky rhodes-it was rather amusing , was n't it ? but in some strange way , that nickname seemed to fit caroline . maybe even better than her real name . she shook her head , and her ponytail swayed . `` the cut 'n curl is just down the block a ways and around the corner . you have my cell number if you need to reach me . i 'll check in later with our schedule for tomorrow . i 'm going to see if daddy will give you a tour of the golf course . and i think my mother 's got it all fixed so you can have a place on the reviewing stand with senator warren , his daughter , and the rest of the local vips . but i have to confirm all that . '' she turned and strode down the drive toward the sidewalk . `` hey , rocky , good luck with that whole dress avoidance thing . because i also heard through the grapevine that dale pontius has insisted that you ride his watermelon queen float , '' dash called after her , `` or else . '' caroline stopped and looked back . `` just giving you the heads-up . '' he glanced toward hugh and then back . `` i heard something about dale pontius driving a hard bargain . '' caroline muttered an oath , turned , and stalked down the driveway , her shoulders straight . hugh could n't help admiring the swing of her h*ps and the nice shape of her derriere . it was really too bad that her father owned the land he needed . caroline-or rocky-might be a very nice diversion . caroline opened the front door of the cut 'n curl . the pungent melange of permanent solution , shampoo , and hairspray invited her into her own private reverie . the beauty shop was a world of its own , papered in pink-striped wallpaper and shuttered with green moire curtains . caroline remembered helping momma pick out the paper and hang it . she 'd learned to sew a straight seam by helping to make the curtains . momma had done a real nice job of decorating the place . it was classy and homey all at the same time . the cut 'n curl had three workstations covered in pink marble-patterned formica , a bank of hair dryers with pink vinyl seats , and a two-seat shampoo area near the back with two-toned , lime green chairs . as usual , a near-quorum of the christ church ladies auxiliary was present and accounted for . lessie anderson was in momma 's chair with her hair up in permanent rollers . thelma hanks was under the dryer . millie polk , rachel 's mother , was sitting on a side chair waiting on her highlights to set . she was reading a much-thumbed copy of destiny , june morlan 's latest bodice ripper that featured a snotty hero who was much like hugh debracy . jane , caroline 's sister-in-law , had miriam randall 's hand in hers as she worked on painting the octogenarian 's nails alternate shades of pink and green . miriam 's white hair was arranged in crown braids , and she was wearing a bright green pantsuit with a pair of pink keds slip-ons . momma looked up as caroline entered . ruby rhodes wore her dark hair in a short style that allowed it to curl freely around her head . as usual , she was well put together and looked way younger than her fifty-eight years . her dark denim jeans hugged her still-youthful contours . a bright pink blazer over a green scoop-necked shell accentuated her tiny waist . a pair of pink ballet shoes and a tiny diamond pendant completed the ensemble . momma gave caroline her maternal look-one part sappy smile and another steel magnolia . `` sugar , '' she said , `` do n't you ever wear anything that has color in it ? i declare , you look like you 're going to a meeting of quakers in that suit . '' caroline looked down at her jones of new york microfiber all-season gray pantsuit and the white august silk shell . she looked professional and in charge . that was really all that mattered . `` momma , folks are n't going to take me seriously if i dress in pink and green . which reminds me , i just heard from dash that the whole town is expecting me to put on my old watermelon queen dress and make a spectacle of myself in front of my boss . but i told you that i would n't do that when we talked last night . 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she shivered , her belly clenching as she remembered every single sound he 'd made , his breathing , his words . his lips on hers , his taste . longing did n't begin to cover the magnitude of her feelings . she needed him as she 'd never needed anyone else . david and hannah were family . david was her brother , and hannah was as much a sister to her as she could be . but micah ? from the beginning , she 'd separated micah into a whole different category . one forbidden to her but no less tempting . if it would bring david and hannah back , she 'd give up any hope of having micah . micah had loved hannah deeply , and as much as angelina herself loved micah , she 'd stand on the outside looking in forever if it meant having her family again . she and micah were left . she knew him like no one else did . she knew his secrets , his desires , the man behind the easygoing facade . she could give him what he needed , but would he ever decide she was what he wanted ? `` no guarantees in life , angel baby , '' she whispered , smiling sadly as david 's words floated from her lips . a sound at her window made her freeze . then she laughed and buried her face in her pillow . what a jumpy moron she was . she was on the fourth floor of a shabby hotel . who 'd be at her window ? she had to quit flinching at shadows and looking over her shoulder at every turn . okay , so maybe continuing to look over her shoulder was a good idea . she could n't afford to be too careless , even though she knew she 'd covered her tracks well . she had n't lived in a cop household for years not to learn anything about stealth and evading . there was no reason for anyone to know she was here . she 'd ditched her car , bought another under an assumed name , used cash , and no one in houston apart from damon roche and micah hudson knew what her real name was . tomorrow she 'd start her job search . thanks to her hispanic heritage , she could pose as an illegal immigrant and get a job that paid under the table . she had funds stashed , but she could n't afford to lean on those unless absolutely necessary . and god willing , it would n't be necessary . she could start a new life here . nothing was left for her in miami . micah never needed to know about her problems . she did n't want him to be with her for any other reason than she was what he wanted . chapter 5 angelina woke with a strong sense of purpose . she dressed and was out of the hotel early , just as the sun crept over the horizon . determined to get her job situation squared away as soon as possible , she hit the cafes in walking distance of the hotel , and at the third she scored a job as a waitress . the manager generously offered to let her work for tips only , and she could take what she earned home in cash each night . it was n't ideal , but it could be a lot worse . she was friendly and outgoing , and she was n't afraid of hard work . after arranging her schedule , she went back to the hotel and dialed damon roche 's number at the house . one of his employees said he was n't in but he was expected within the hour . she hung up and collected her keys . by the time she got over there , she would n't have long to wait . she took her time , stopping at a drive-thru for breakfast . when she drove up the winding paved drive of the house , an hour had passed . hopefully damon would be in by now . she wanted to smooth any ruffled feathers and figure out where she stood . while her cursory investigation into micah 's life in houston had revealed his membership at the house , she had n't realized he and damon were friends . she 'd be lucky if she was ever allowed back in again . micah had probably already screeched at damon beyond his explosion the night before . she parked close to the entrance , noting that there were only two other cars in the designated parking area , one of which was a slick-looking bmw . damon 's ? she got out and strode to the door to ring the bell . within a few seconds , the door opened , and she was greeted by a plain-faced gentleman who peered inquisitively at her . `` i 'm here to see damon roche , '' she said `` do you have an appointment ? '' `` um , well , no . i called earlier and was told he 'd be in . can you tell him angelina moyano would like to talk to him ? '' he gestured for her to come inside , and she followed him into a luxurious sitting room . `` i 'll see if mr. roche is willing to meet with you , '' he said politely .	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she squared her shoulders and marched down the small path . shed have a little talk with her pet about his rebellion later . she spotted rocco right away , but her attention immediately went to the unchanged play area . this type of area was unique to her small town . when she was a teenager , she had volunteered to help build it . someone had envisioned a natural playground without all the plastic and pressurized wood that made up other playgrounds . this one was a peaceful oasis where kids could be kids . where their imaginations could soar . where they could be the kings and queens of the universe . brandons favorite place in the whole world , aside from the lake . when had it become so chilly ? savannah shuffled across the soft bed of pine needles that carpeted the forest floor . no one was here , but she could hear voices . brandons voice . her teenage voice . please can we play in the mud pit ? i wont get dirty ! mom will freak if i let you get your school clothes muddy again . do you want me to be grounded for life ? she wont be mad . she wont be mad at youshell be mad at me , the one she hates . brandon bent his head to his chest . i dont wan na get you in trouble . savvy studied his forlorn expression until her heart broke along with his . you can play for five minutes . but please try not to fall in the mud again . use a stick , take off your shoes , whatever . but stay as clean as possible . brandon wrapped his arms around her middle , squeezing tight . she pried him off and laughed as she sent him on his way . savannah found herself smiling at the memory . he had , indeed , fallen in the mud . and she had , indeed , been called irresponsible and told she was grounded until she was eighteen . luckily for her , her stepdad had intervened and soothed her mothers ruffled feathers . savannah went out that weekend , just like she always did . savannah wandered over to the mud pitthat fun square filled with the softest dirt which was fed with a pipe of water that created glorious mud during the entire warm season . one section was shallow enough to walk in with bare feet , letting the mud squish between toes for those inclined . the bravest could walk up to their knees in the mud . the most insane could take a full mud bath . brandon especially loved the mud bath . she looked to the side , where she noticed something that had never been there before . in keeping with the theme of the area , it was an old , sliced tree stump with a carving that made her throat tighten and her heart swell . brandon richard grace forever eight years old may your heaven be filled with mud and trucks and legos beneath the words , carved into the tree slice , was a familiar portrait of brandons angelicand sometimes mischievousface . savannah wondered who created such a wonderful memorial . her mother would have never put such a sentiment on a tree stump . she didnt approve of him frolicking in nature . her idea of memorializing the young boy would have been a fancy stone or a memorial wall at the school . savannah knelt before the stump , stunned . rocco ran to her side and began licking her dry cheeks . when rocco first forced his way into her life , she would push him away when he comforted her . over time , she gave in to his relentless need to drag her out of her darkest fogs . shed never believe she deserved him , but she had grown to appreciate the companionship and acceptance . savannah wrapped her arms around her dog and buried her face in his neck . he stood , stoically allowing her this moment of grief . she didnt want to see his stone . that signified such cold , harsh reality . a grown up world where her brother didnt belong . here , in this place where she had bonded so well with her baby brother , is where she would always feel him . savannah lost track of the time she spent at the mud pit and the tree stump . she only knew that her grief showed its ugly head for too long , and she had no right to grieve this way . she stood up , ignoring the cramping of her thighs and her muddy knees . she jogged back to the car with rocco at her heels , itching for a run through the woods . she changed into running clothes in record time once she reached the studio . she was feeling reckless . ready to run until all thoughts were banished from her head . she let the door flutter to a close behind her , then slammed right into the hardest chest she had felt in her life . savannah jerked her head back and brought her hands to her aching nose . she didnt feel any blood gushing , so she must not have broken it on quentins steel pecs . quentin , ever the gentleman , reached out to steady her . he studied her eyes as if checking for a concussion . his look of concern fed a hollow place deep in her gut .	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but it just wasnt the same . not less important , just not the same . other things also bothered mike . kelly seemed to have plenty of time for other pursuits reading , working on projects , lunches and dinners . but how many times over the past year had he had to fish through a pile of clothes to wear a pair of pants or a pair of socks a second time ? and sometimes , when his days were particularly long and stressful , he longed to walk into a house without laundry baskets in the den and dishes in the sink . he tried to help , but the fact was kelly spent a lot more time home than he did . it was hard to hide his frustration at times . he loved kelly , and he was sure she knew that . there would be time , after his business really was self-propelling , for them to reconnect and be better than ever . and a few dirty dishes wouldnt get in the way of that when the time came . mike was pouring himself a cup of coffee when kelly walked into the kitchen . the kids were already dressed , sitting in the den to watch a cartoon . kelly stretched and yawned . her hair was tousled , and when she stretched , her shorts and t-shirt separated and showed her stomach . mikes throat caught at the sight of her . how could he not have told her how beautiful she was ? he knew his expression was not too far from that of a teenager looking at his first crush . however , kelly walked through the kitchen without looking at him , so she didnt see it . how are my boys this morning ? they both nodded and smiled , never taking their eyes off the screen . kelly kissed them both and went back to the bedroom . she pulled her hair back in a ponytail and put on some shorts and a t-shirt . she told mike she was going for a run . while she was out , she thought about the previous week . it had been exhilarating . andrew was probably right . she was getting hooked again . of course , she wasnt sure how mike would feel about her going back full time , but after she received her pay and bonus for this account , she had a feeling he wouldnt put up much of a fight . they needed the increase in money to make things less strained . mike asked when kelly walked into the kitchen great , kelly answered , opening the refrigerator and grabbing a bottle of water . i have to go into the office for a while . ill probably need to be there until about 2:00 . ill take care of my own lunch . can you wait until i shower ? sure , mike said . he went into the den and started flipping through channels . kelly spent much of that day preparing for wednesdays presentation . she knew , however , that mike would expect to see a difference in the house when he got home . kelly did a couple of loads of laundry and cleaned the kitchen . she was about to start on the bathrooms when mike called . hey , kelly , im at clays auto and tire . theres something seriously wrong with the transmission . can you come and get me ? just let me get the boys ready , and well be there in a few minutes . as they drove away from the auto shop , mike turned to kelly . they arent open on sundays , and theyre about to close for the day . so that means i need to take your car to work monday . i have to go in too , mike , kelly said . how am i supposed to get to work , and how will the boys get to school ? ill take the boys , mike said . cant you get someone to give you a ride to the office ? i guess so , kelly said , slightly irritated . chapter 7 on sunday the family went to bible study and church together . kelly and mike hadnt been to bible study in a while , and their friends in class were glad to see them . the lesson that morning was about faithfulness . it centered on gods faithfulness and the faithfulness he desired from his children . often , during lessons like these , kelly thought about her own life and whether she was being faithful in her walk with god . she knew that she hadnt been as faithful to church or in her personal time with god . honestly , it had been months since she had opened her bible . but as she sat there , she dismissed those thoughts . besides , she had asked god to change mike , and it hadnt happened . if god really cared about their marriage and her happiness , why were things so difficult ? a voice from somewhere deep inside her pricked her heart , telling her that the key was to be faithful , but kelly shook the thought away . after church , they decided to eat lunch out . reyes mexican restaurant was one of their favorite places . mikey and sam could eat their weight in cheese dip , and kelly loved their salads . the lunch was pleasant , even fun .	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`` those that can not do , teach , '' thomas said , smirking . `` very funny , ahole , '' i murmured . `` get the girl a beer , '' dad said , an amused smile lifting his already puffy cheeks . i gladly hopped up , pulled a bottle from the fridge , and used the already cracked edge of the countertop to pop off the cap . abby smiled when i placed the beer in front of her and did n't hesitate to take one of her signature man-size swigs . she wiped her lips with the back of her hand , and then waited on my dad to put in his chips . four hands later , abby had tipped back the last of her third beer and watched taylor closely . `` the action 's on you , taylor . you gon na be a baby or you going to put in like a man ? '' it was getting very difficult for me to keep from being excited in other places . watching abby own my brothers-and a poker veteran like my father-hand after hand was turning me on . i 'd never seen a women so sexy in my life , and this one happened to be my girlfriend . `` fuck it , '' taylor said , throwing the last of his chips in . `` whatdya got , pigeon ? '' i felt like a kid at christmas . abby prompted , her face completely blank . `` flush ! '' he smiled , spreading his cards faceup on the table . we all looked to abby . her eyes scanned the men around the table , and then she slammed her cards down . `` read 'em and weep , boys ! aces and eights ! '' `` a full house ? i 've always wanted to say that , '' abby said , giggling as she pulled in her chips . thomas 's eyes narrowed . `` this is n't just beginner 's luck . she plays . '' i watched thomas for a moment . he was n't taking his eyes from abby . i looked to her , then . `` have you played before , pidge ? '' she pressed her lips together and shrugged , letting a sweet smile turn up the corners of her mouth . my head fell back , and i burst into laughter . i started to tell her how proud i was , but the words were held hostage by the uncontrollable cackling shaking my entire body . i hit the table with my fist a few times , trying to get a hold of myself . `` your girlfriend just fking hustled us ! '' taylor said , pointing in my direction . trenton wailed , standing up . `` good plan , travis . bring a card shark to poker night , '' dad said , winking at abby . `` bullshit , '' thomas said , his eyes still dissecting my girlfriend . `` i hate to say it , bro . but i think i just fell in love with your girl , '' tyler said . suddenly my laughter was gone , and i frowned . i was going easy on you , abby , but i 'm winning my money back , now , '' trenton warned . i sat out the last few rounds , watching the boys try to win back their money . hand after hand , abby steamrolled them . she did n't even pretend to go easy on them . once my brothers were broke , dad called it a night , and abby returned a hundred dollars to each of them , except dad , who would n't take it . i took abby 's hand , and we walked to the door . watching my girlfriend de-sack my brothers was entertaining , but i was still disappointed that she returned some of their money . `` you just gave away four hundred bucks , pidge ! '' `` if this was poker night at sig tau , i would have kept it . i ca n't rob your brothers the first time i meet them . '' `` they would have kept your money ! '' `` and i would n't have lost a second of sleep over it , either , '' taylor sa id . from the corner of my eye , i caught thomas staring at abby from the recliner in the corner of the living room . he 'd been even more quiet than usual . `` why do you keep starin ' at my girl , tommy ? '' `` what did you say your last name was ? '' abby shifted nervously but did n't answer . i put my arm around her waist , and turned to my brother , not sure what he was getting at . he thought he knew something , and was getting ready to make his move . `` it 's abernathy . `` i can see why you did n't put it together before tonight , trav , but now you do n't have an excuse , '' thomas said , smug . `` are you related to mick abernathy by any chance ? '' all heads turned to wait for abby 's response . she raked her hair back with her fingers , clearly nervous . `` how do you know mick ? '' my neck craned even more in her direction .	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["nervous", 4152], ["know", 4173], ["knowest", 4173], ["neck", 4191], ["necked", 4191], ["crane", 4198], ["craned", 4198]]
`` do n't tell me you two are going to take another nap ! '' lindy 's cheeks filled with crimson color and she looked away . in the past few days the two of them had taken more naps than a newborn babe . even rush looked a bit chagrined . `` all right , you two , '' steve said good-naturedly , reaching for his leather jacket . one glance from lindy told him she was grateful . rush stopped steve on his way out the door and his eyes revealed his appreciation . `` we 've decided to look for a place of our own right away , but it does n't look like we 'll be able to move until after the first of the year . '' he paused and lowered his gaze , looking almost embarrassed . `` i know this is an inconvenience for you to keep leaving , but ... '' `` do n't worry about it , '' steve countered with a light chuckle . he patted his friend on the back . `` i was a newly wed once myself . '' steve tried to sound casual about the whole matter , but doubted if he 'd succeeded . being constantly exposed to the strong current of love flowing between his friend and his sister was damn difficult , because he understood their need for each other all too well . there 'd been a time when a mere look was all that was required to spark flames between him and carol . their desire seemed to catch fire and leap to brilliance with a single touch , and they could n't get to bed fast enough . steve had been crazy in love with her . carol had appealed to all his senses and he 'd ached with the desire to possess her completely . the only time he felt he 'd accomplished that was when he was making love to her . then and only then was carol utterly his . and those times were all too brief . outside the apartment , the sky was dark with thick gray clouds . steve walked across the street and headed toward the department stores . he did n't have much christmas shopping to do , but now appeared to be as good a time for the task as any . he hesitated in front of a pay phone and released a long , slow breath . he might as well call carol and be done with it . she wanted to gloat , and he would let her . after all , it was the season to be charitable . the phone rang just as carol was coming in the front door . she stopped , set her purse on the kitchen counter and glared at the telephone . her heart rammed against her rib cage with such force that she had to stop and gather her thoughts . the phone might as well have been spelling out his name in morse code , she was that sure . she answered brightly , on the third ring . `` lindy said you phoned . '' his words were low , flat and emotionless . `` yes , i did , '' she murmured , her nerves clamoring . `` do you want to tell me why , or are you going to make me guess ? trust me , carol , i 'm in no mood to play twenty questions with you . '' oh lord , this was n't going to be easy . steve sounded so cold and uncaring . she 'd anticipated it , but it did n't lessen the effect his tone had on her . a short , heavy silence followed . `` i 'd rather we did n't do it over the phone , steve , '' she said softly , but not because she 'd planned to make her voice silky and smooth . her vocal chords had tightened and it just came out sounding that way . her nerves were stretched to their limit , and her heart was pounding in her ear like a charging locomotive . `` okay , '' he answered , reluctance evident in every syllable . her gaze scanned the calendar - the timing of this entire venture was of primary importance . `` tomorrow , '' he suggested . carol 's eyes drifted shut as the relief worked its way through her stiff limbs . her biggest concern was that he would suggest after the christmas holidays , and then it would be too late and she would have to reschedule everything for january . `` that would be fine , '' carol managed . `` would you mind coming to the house ? '' the two bedroom brick rambler had been awarded to her as part of the divorce settlement . again she could feel his hesitation . `` as a matter of fact , i would . '' `` all right , '' she answered , quickly gathering her wits . his not wanting to come to the house should n't have surprised her . `` how about coffee at denny 's tomorrow evening ? '' carol swallowed before answering . her hand was still trembling a moment later when she replaced the telephone receiver in its cradle . all along she 'd accepted that steve was n't going to fall into her bed without some subtle prompting , but from the brusque , impatient sound of his voice , the whole escapade could well be impossible ... this month .	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443], ["appreciation", 460], ["decide", 480], ["decided", 480], ["look", 488], ["place", 500], ["like", 550], ["able", 565], ["abled", 565], ["move", 573], ["first", 595], ["firstest", 595], ["year", 607], ["pause", 622], ["paused", 622], ["lowers", 634], ["lowerest", 634], ["lowered", 634], ["gaze", 643], ["gazes", 643], ["look", 653], ["looking", 653], ["almost", 660], ["know", 684], ["knowest", 684], ["inconvenience", 709], ["inconvenienced", 709], ["keep", 725], ["keepest", 725], ["left", 733], ["leave", 733], ["leaving", 733], ["worry", 762], ["worried", 762], ["counter", 792], ["countered", 792], ["lit", 805], ["light", 805], ["chuckle", 813], ["chuckled", 813], ["pat", 825], ["patted", 825], ["friend", 836], ["back", 848], ["newly", 867], ["try", 900], ["tryed", 900], ["tried", 900], ["sound", 909], ["casual", 916], ["whole", 932], ["wholes", 932], ["matter", 939], ["mattering", 939], ["doubt", 953], ["doubted", 953], ["succeed", 972], ["succeedest", 972], ["succeeded", 972], 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["ache", 1475], ["ached", 1475], ["possess", 1502], ["possesses", 1502], ["completely", 1517], ["feel", 1541], ["felt", 1541], ["accomplish", 1560], ["accomplishest", 1560], ["accomplished", 1560], ["utterly", 1639], ["time", 1661], ["times", 1661], ["brief", 1680], ["briefing", 1680], ["outside", 1690], ["apartment", 1704], ["sky", 1714], ["dark", 1723], ["thick", 1734], ["thickest", 1734], ["gray", 1739], ["grays", 1739], ["cloud", 1746], ["clouded", 1746], ["clouds", 1746], ["walk", 1761], ["walked", 1761], ["across", 1768], ["street", 1779], ["head", 1790], ["headed", 1790], ["toward", 1797], ["department", 1812], ["store", 1819], ["stores", 1819], ["much", 1842], ["shopping", 1861], ["appear", 1886], ["appeared", 1886], ["task", 1920], ["tasking", 1920], ["taskest", 1920], ["hesitate", 1942], ["hesitated", 1942], ["front", 1951], ["pay", 1960], ["pays", 1960], ["payest", 1960], ["phone", 1966], ["release", 1979], ["released", 1979], ["long", 1986], ["longs", 1986], ["slow", 1993], 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["tightenest", 3168], ["tightened", 3168], ["come", 3185], ["came", 3185], ["sound", 3198], ["sounding", 3198], ["stretch", 3235], ["stretched", 3235], ["limit", 3250], ["limited", 3250], ["pound", 3279], ["pounding", 3279], ["ear", 3290], ["charge", 3306], ["charging", 3306], ["locomotive", 3317], ["okay", 3327], ["reluctance", 3357], ["evident", 3365], ["every", 3374], ["syllable", 3383], ["scan", 3402], ["scans", 3402], ["scanning", 3402], ["scanned", 3402], ["calendar", 3415], ["calendars", 3415], ["timing", 3428], ["entire", 3443], ["venture", 3451], ["primary", 3466], ["importance", 3477], ["tomorrow", 3491], ["tomorrows", 3491], ["suggest", 3509], ["suggested", 3509], ["drift", 3533], ["drifting", 3533], ["drifted", 3533], ["shut", 3538], ["relief", 3552], ["reliefs", 3552], ["work", 3559], ["wrought", 3559], ["worked", 3559], ["stiff", 3585], ["limb", 3591], ["limbs", 3591], ["big", 3605], ["bigs", 3605], ["biggest", 3605], ["concern", 3613], ["concerned", 3613], ["concernest", 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fentiman was openly yawning by now . he blinked , eyes watering , patted about his person in search of a handkerchief , then bent to rummage in his case , which he had dropped on the floor near his chair . i had pulled out my own handkerchief and leaned across to hand it to him , when i saw them in the open case . i could see what they were , of course ; what i wanted to know was where he 'd got them . they were syringes , two of them , lovely little syringes , made of brass . each one was composed of two bits : a plunger with curled handles , and a cylindrical barrel , drawn out at the narrowed end into a very long , blunt-tipped needle . `` i-why-that is ... ah ... '' he was terribly taken aback , and stammered like a schoolboy caught sneaking cigarettes behind the toilets . then something occurred to him , and he relaxed . `` ears , '' he declared , in ringing tones . `` for cleansing ears . yes , that is what they are , indubitably . ear clysters ! '' `` oh , are they really ? '' i picked one up ; he tried to stop me , but his reflexes were delayed , and he succeeded only in grabbing at the ruffle of my sleeve . `` how ingenious , '' i said , working the plunger . it was a little stiff , but not bad at all-particularly not when the alternative was a makeshift hypodermic composed of a leather tube with a rattlesnake 's fang attached . of course a blunt tip would n't do , but it would be a simple matter to cut it to a sharp angle . i should like very much to order one myself . '' he stared at me in abject horror , jaw agape . `` i-er-i really do not think ... '' he protested feebly . just then , in a perfect miracle of bad timing , his housemaid appeared in the doorway . `` mr. brennan 's come ; it 's his wife 's time , '' she said briefly . doctor fentiman leapt to his feet , slammed shut his case , and snatched it up . `` my apologies , dear mrs. fraser ... must go ... matter of great urgency-so pleasant to have seen you ! '' he rushed out , case clutched to his bosom , stepping on his hat in his haste . the maid picked up the crushed chapeau with an air of resignation , and punched it indifferently back into shape . `` will you be wanting to leave now , ma'am ? '' she inquired , with an intonation making it clear that i ought to be leaving , whether i wanted to or not . `` i will , '' i said , rising . `` but tell me '' -i held out the brass syringe on the palm of my hand- '' do you know what this is , and where doctor fentiman got it ? '' it was difficult to tell in which direction she was looking , but she bent her head as though to examine it , with no more interest than had it been a two-day old smelt offered her for sale in the market . aye , ma'am , it 's a penis syringe . i b'lieve he had it sent him from philadelphia . '' `` a , um , penis syringe . i see , '' i said , blinking a little . it 's for treating of the drip , or the clap . the doctor does a deal of business for the men what goes to mrs . silvie 's . '' `` mrs. silvie 's . and would you know where mrs. silvie 's ... establishment is ? '' `` behind silas jameson 's ordinary , '' she replied , giving me for the first time a faintly curious look , as though wondering what sort of blockhead did n't know that . `` will you be needing anything else , ma'am ? '' `` that will do nicely , thank you ! '' i made to hand her back the penis syringe , but then was struck by impulse . the doctor had two , after all . `` give you a shilling for it , '' i said , meeting the eye that seemed most likely to be pointed in my direction . `` done , '' she said promptly . she paused for a moment , then added , `` if you 're going to use it on your man , best be sure he 's dead drunk first . '' my primary mission was thus accomplished , but now i had a new possibility to explore , before mounting an assault on mrs. silvie 's house of ill-repute . i had planned to visit a glassmaker and attempt to explain by means of drawings how to make the barrel and plunger for a hypodermic syringe , leaving up to bree the problem of making a hollow needle and attaching it .	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michelle swallowed to alleviate the sudden dryness of her mouth , trying not to look at those powerful , denim-covered muscles . then he leaned down , propping his bronzed forearm on his thigh , and that was worse , because it brought his torso closer , forcing her to lean back in the chair . `` all you have to do is go ahead and accept it , instead of wasting time pretending you did n't like it when i touched you . '' michelle continued doggedly . `` if you want repayment immediately , i 'll have to sell the cattle to raise the money , and i 'd like to avoid that . i 'm counting on the sale of the cattle to keep the ranch going . what i have in mind is to sell some of the land to raise the money , but of course that will take longer . i ca n't even promise to have the money in six months ; it just depends on how fast i can find a buyer . '' selling part of the land was the only plan she 'd been able to devise , but it all depended on his cooperation . slowly he straightened , his dark brows drawing together as he stared down at her . `` whoa , honey , let 's backtrack a little . what do you mean , 'keep the ranch going ' ? the ranch is already dead . '' `` no , it is n't , '' she denied , stubbornness creeping into her tone . `` i still have some cattle left . '' his disbelief was evident . `` in the south pasture . the fence on the east side needs repair , and i have n't -- '' she faltered at the growing anger in his dark face . their land joined mostly on the north ; his cattle were n't in any danger of straying . `` let 's backtrack a little further , '' he said tightly . `` who 's supposed to be working this herd ? '' he did n't believe her , because he knew there were no cowhands working here any longer . `` i 'm working the herd , '' she threw back at him , her face closed and proud . he could n't have made it any plainer that he did n't consider her either capable or willing when it came to ranch work . he looked her up and down , his brows lifting as he surveyed her . she knew exactly what he saw , because she 'd deliberately created the image . he saw mauve-lacquered toenails , white high-heeled sandals , crisp white linen pants and the white silk shirt , damp now , from contact with his wet clothes . suddenly michelle realized that she was damp all along the front , and hectic color rose to burn along her cheekbones , but she lifted her chin just that much higher . let him look , damn him . instinctively her hands curled into fists and she glared at him . he moved like a striking rattler , catching her wrist and holding her clenched hand in front of him . she pulled back , twisting in an effort to escape him , but he merely tightened his grip and pried her fingers open , then turned her palm to the light . his face was still and expressionless as he looked down at her hand for a long minute ; then he caught her other hand and examined it , too . his grip gentled , and he traced his fingertips over the scratches and half-healed blisters , the forming calluses . michelle sat with her lips pressed together in a grim line , her face deliberately blank . she was n't ashamed of her hands ; work inevitably left its mark on human flesh , and she 'd found something healing in the hard physical demands the ranch made on her . but no matter how honorable those marks , when john looked at them it was as if he 'd stripped her naked and looked at her , as if he 'd exposed something private . she did n't want him to know so much about her ; she did n't want that intense interest turned on her . she did n't want pity from anyone , but she especially did n't want him to soften toward her . then his gaze lifted , those midnight eyes examining every inch of her proud , closed expression , and every instinct in her shrilled an alarm . perhaps it had been too late from the moment he 'd stepped onto the porch . from the beginning she 'd sensed the tension in him , the barely controlled anticipation that she had mistaken for his usual hostility . rafferty was n't used to waiting for any woman he wanted , and she 'd held him off for ten years . the only time she 'd been truly safe from him had been during her brief marriage , when the distance between philadelphia and central florida had been more than hundreds of miles ; it had been the distance between two totally different life-styles , in both form and substance . but now she was back within reach , and this time she was vulnerable . she was broke , she was alone , and she owed him a hundred thousand dollars . he probably expected it to be easy .	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i 'd been holding him off with vague answers , trying not to worry him until there was something to worry about . but you basically goaded him into demanding i take a pregnancy test . when i refused , we stumbled onto the topic of thanksgiving ... and now everything is a fking mess . do n't be surprised if he packs up and leaves . '' at the thought of never being with liam again , tears spilled like acid from her tired eyes . `` and then i 'll be to blame for both coming between you and your best friend , and driving away one of the kindest men i 've ever met . '' raine stood , her chair scraping the tile floor . she tried to dart past hammer . since he sat between her and the door , he merely leaned back and grabbed her wrist . he stood , his heavy brows slashing down with ... what ? `` if you 're unhappy with me , take a number . '' she swiped at the hot tears on her cheeks . `` i should have left , you know . that night we fought . if i had just walked out , you and liam would still be pals . you 'd both be happier . and i would n't be around to fk everything up . '' `` sit down , raine , and stop beating yourself up . '' hammer exhaled , his stare heavy . he waited until she complied , then sat again . `` now talk to me . '' god , she did n't want to spill her guts . just the thought of this conversation made her stomach roll . and liam would be furious if she opened up to another man , especially hammer . shaking her head , raine blinked back more tears . `` okay , then listen . you did n't come between liam and me . i do n't want you carrying that weight on your narrow shoulders , girl . this is n't the first time we 've butted heads , and i can pretty much guarantee it wo n't be the last . we may not have fought this seriously before , and i might be pissed as hell at him now , but i still love him like a brother . '' he tried to smile , but she could see it was strained at best . another avalanche of guilt pressed down on her . `` why did liam punish you ? '' `` if it 's because you have n't started your period yet , i 'll kill him . '' `` that 's not why , and you ca n't . what happened yesterday between liam and me is our business . but you 're smart . put yourself in his shoes and imagine why you 'd be deeply disappointed . you wo n't be far off the mark . '' `` yes , i can read between the lines , but i want you to explain it to me . let me hear your interpretation . '' stop trying to pry me apart . the lesson for me is that i suck at relationships . '' hammer slammed his fist on the table , rattling the plate of muffins and her nerves . `` apparently , he did n't like the way i tried to spare him the pregnancy scare . i hate dumping my crap on him . or on you . i 'm capable of taking care of myself . '' `` god , you 're like a damn dog with a bone . hammer leaned back in his chair , crossed his arms over his wide chest , and flattened his mouth into a tight line . his pissed-off dom face . this was n't good ... `` let me rephrase , '' he growled . `` tell me what submissive rule you broke . '' `` probably all of them . why do you give a shit ? '' without a word , hammer stood and walked to the counter . he grabbed a clean wooden spoon and returned to the table , hovering over her and clutching it in a white-knuckled grip . `` what lesson was liam teaching you ? you either tell me now or i 'm going to bend you over the table and beat your ass with this . '' raine hunkered down in her seat and rolled her eyes . damn , she hated sounding like a pouty teenager . `` in a fking heartbeat , '' hammer tossed back . `` do i need to remind you again that i 'm not yours to punish ? '' `` i care about your needs more than i care about liam throwing a hissy . and frankly , i think if he 'd seen the way you behaved this morning , he 'd agree with me . now talk or i 'm going to enjoy every fking whack . '' ugh , talk ! but at least being angry with hammer was better than being the guest of honor at her own pity party . `` communication , all right ? i was n't totally honest , i guess . and he thinks i do n't trust him . god , do you have to badger me ? '' `` obviously i do . '' he set the spoon down gently and sat again . `` and i suggest you stop provoking me to change the direction of the conversation . '' yeah , she 'd kind of figured he was onto her .	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`` it 's been like that since four a.m. , '' bex said from the hal way . i tightened my robe around me , and opened the door . bex stood before me , bored and holding a half-eaten apple . he took another bite , crunching loudly . `` he 's bringing coffee . '' `` good , '' i said , leaving him to head for the bathroom . steam from the shower quickly surrounded me , but before i rinsed the shampoo from my hair , i heard the door open . `` it 's me , '' claire said , shutting the door behind her . i peered through the fuzzy glass , barely able to make out her tiny frame . `` i 've been up al night with ryan . we fought more . '' `` about what he saw in the desert , and if i was there or not . he knows the men that stabbed him last year were cops . he knows a lot more than we thought . final y ... , '' she sighed , `` final y i just told him . '' you confessed about the other cops , and the commissioner ? about anderson , and ... and about what you are ? '' `` how did you explain without tel ing him everything ? '' `` i promised i would explain later . '' `` it does n't feel right to tel him , nina . we were raised on the belief that this secret kept our family safe . '' `` then do n't tel him until it feels right . '' `` what if it never feels right ? '' `` i do n't know , '' i said , turning off the water . a towel flew up and over the shower door , landing on my head . `` do n't mention it , '' claire said , shutting the door behind her . by the time i was dressed and ready , claire , jared and bex were downstairs in the kitchen , discussing ryan . just by entering the room , it was obvious it was not a constructive conversation . `` you 're such a hypocrite ! '' claire growled . jared slammed the side of his fist on the table . `` then it 's a different scenario ! '' jared glanced in my direction , and then took a breath , attempting a calmer tone . it does n't feel right to tel him . '' i sat down , scanning the siblings with my eyes before speaking . outwardly , claire was angry . but her eyes were begging for understanding . tel ing ryan anything was a huge step for her , and just as jared struggled with it two years before , claire was now fighting with her conflicting feelings . she needed her brothers to support her i took a seat across from jared , and next to claire . the choice was meaningful , and i hoped that they would notice . `` maybe claire is looking for your blessing , jared , '' i said . `` or just some understanding , '' she grumbled . bex stood up , and walked across the kitchen , picking up a plate , and then setting in front of me . it was an omelet , loaded with ham , green onion , mushrooms , and cheese . `` thanks , '' i smiled . bex nodded , and then touched his sister 's shoulder . `` claire , i love you . but if you 'd take a step back and think about this . ryan is a cop . he 's investigating murders you committed . what do you think he 's going to do when you tel him you murdered his partner ? you think he 's going to forgive you because he saw your eyes in the desert ? '' `` the partner that orchestrated his kidnapping and ultimate demise , '' claire said . `` listen , '' she sighed , `` i know how it looks on paper . i may not be in love with ryan , but he says he 's in love with me . if he listens to what i have to say , and i approach it careful y , i think he could be an asset . '' `` we ca n't take that chance , '' jared said , finality in his voice . claire stood , her palms flat on the table . `` you took the same chance when you told nina , and she was n't even an asset ! her life has spun out of control since the second you revealed yourself to her , jared . at least let me make my own decision , like you did ! '' jared 's nose wrinkled in disgust . `` you were on me for months about nina , claire ! how quickly you forget the hours i spent listening to your lectures on doing the right thing . keep the secret ! that 's been your mantra for years ! '' tears fil ed claire 's eyes as her face turned red . `` coming from you ! '' `` you know what it 's like to have no one , and you know what it 's like to final y be free of the burden of what we are ; to have someone else besides your mother , or your brothers to confide in ! i have no one , jared !	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cursing himself , he turned over on his stomach , nearly yelping in pain . pain was better than frustration . in pain , he could find relief from torment . chapter eight `` name three things you like better about iceland than you do about home , lydia , '' sandy asked . actually , it was n't a question-it was more like a verbal water-boarding . the problem was that lydia could n't come up with three-at least , not three things that went beyond the trivial . like how she felt when she sat on top of a coffee house , in the rooftop garden among flowering bushes , small plants , little herb gardens ; the hippie feel of the kind of place that had been regulated out of cities like boston and cambridge . the little coffee houses charmed her , made her feel like she had entered into a different era , one that was both timeless and aged , where all she was was a young woman with no past and no future , sitting with her legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles , staring at the clear blue sky , the sun warming her as she sipped a latte . if she told sandy that , her mother would simply say , `` we have coffee here ! '' and lydia would reply back , `` you just do n't understand , mom , '' and sandy would say , `` then explain it to me so i can . '' and they would enter into the endless loop of misunderstanding and frustration driven by the ongoing tension for unconditional love and independence , the two caught in a tug-of-war that left no victors , only raw , sore hands , aching shoulders , and hurt feelings . lydia could easily tell her mom three things she missed about the united states . number one , though , was n't home-it was matt jones , or , rather , mike bournham . two and a half weeks here had been just enough for lydia to develop what she thought was a mild culture shock . everything except the coffee was terrible here . the men were too tall , bland , and seemed already committed . and if they were n't , there was no easy way to flirt , to connect , to test the waters . the idea that she would find a hot viking was now laughable . the only way that would happen would be to ask someone the time while they sat in a thermal spring . the food was overpriced and quite terrible , with a few exceptions . and even then it was the quality that was good , not the price . twelve dollars for one hot dog and a coke was n't her idea of fine or affordable cuisine . and so she clung to the coffee shops as her buoy in a storm . the perfect storm , one of her own making . it combined three elements : scandal , disappointment , and impulsiveness . the scandal was self-evident . by the skin of her teeth she 'd escaped it , this diane taking her place . a place lydia had never wanted , and never intended to be in . not quite true , a voice whispered . you certainly wanted to be there , you just did n't want to be videotaped . fair enough , another voice in her mind said . this happened a lot without a confidante . and although krysta was only a phone call away , it was n't the same . she had arguments in her head-most of them leading , like conversations with sandy , to frustration . disappointment came from her mother , who she knew mourned lydia 's move . after what happened to luke a year and a half ago , she knew it pained her to have a child even four hours away . but a continent away , or damn near close ? that was too hard . and impulsiveness . that one was a hundred percent on her . she jumped at the chance at first , and then ran from the scandal , not giving herself the time to weigh the gravity of such a last-second decision . hers was thoroughly a first-world problem . the poor little corporate drone , making six figures now , living in a foreign country , all expenses paid for now , until her relocation allowance was spent , with a title most people could n't dream of until they were ten years older than she . and then there was jeremy ... `` lydia , are you there ? '' caught in her thoughts , she dragged herself back to her conversation with her mom . `` three things , okay , mom . first , there 's the coffee- '' as if on cue , sandy said , `` but we have coffee here ! '' lydia just nodded to herself . `` second , there 's the salary . '' `` well , '' sandy demurred , `` we definitely ca n't match what you told us you 're making . but you can have unlimited lobster and steak nights with the tarragon butter sauce your brother makes . we 'll even throw in free flourless chocolate torte and some michaelson 's ice cream on the side . how 's that for a bonus ? 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but easy at the same time , as if she were very comfortable in her skin . and then there was the way she threw herself into the roller coaster rides , lustily enjoying every second from start to finish . he 'd been the same once upon a time . his gaze returned to her pale clvage . how could he concentrate on food with her brsts on display ? he shifted to ease the tightening of his jeans . `` would n't you prefer to eat at the dining-room table ? '' `` too stuffy . you ordered a lot of food . there are four dinners , three appetizers and two bottles of wine , plus a hunk of chocolate cake . '' `` i was n't sure what you 'd like . '' she looked up at him through her lashes , her eyes glinting with challenge . `` but i have news for you , hightower , you will share the cake . '' she dipped her finger into the frosting and carried it to her mouth to lick off the smudge . again , it seemed to be a completely natural move , not one designed to seduce him . but deliberate or not , his libido and blood pressure spiked and his throat closed up . that 's when he realized the only way he would n't take paige back to bed tonight was if he quit breathing . but the affair in vegas was all he 'd allow himself . when he boarded the jet for knoxville he 'd leave paige behind . paige closed her eyes and tried to hold back a moan of delight as the fat-laden , calorie-loaded dessert sent her taste buds into orgasmic bliss . the rich , moist , four-layer chocolate , coconut and walnut cake lived up to its name of chocolate ecstasy . `` why did n't you go to manhattan with the boyfriend ? '' trent 's question shattered her blissful moment . she swallowed , choked , coughed , wheezed , then grabbed her glass of wine and tried to wash down the crumb stuck in her throat . when she finally caught her breath she met trent 's gaze . job opportunities . his there . mine here . '' `` there are hotels in new york city . i 've stayed at a few . '' his tongue-in-cheek tone did n't lessen the sting . `` you could have worked there . '' she laid her fork on the table . not even a slice of chocolate heaven could revive her appetite . `` our lives took us in different directions . '' `` you invested seven years with him . why give up ? '' her skin prickled uncomfortably , and the soft robe abraded her behind as she shifted on the sofa . `` i would n't ask if it did n't . '' she swallowed , but the bitter taste in her mouth remained . not even another sip of wine washed it away . `` because he did n't want me to go with him . he said a country girl like me would n't fit in with his new urban lifestyle . '' her lips twitched in a smile at his support . `` you and my sisters share that opinion . any lost loves in your past ? '' she waited , but he did n't elaborate . you made me spill my guts and all you 're giving me is no ? `` let 's just say i 'm not convinced a woman can be faithful , and i do n't want to always wonder whose bed my wife is in at night when she 's not in mine . '' she grimaced at the bitterness in his voice . he refilled their wineglasses instead of responding . `` you said you had a surprise sister . your mother must have had at least one affair . '' i ca n't imagine how that feels . my parents have been together forever . they 'll celebrate their thirty-sixth anniversary this year . that 's a good thing because in my home town if either of them had strayed the news would have reached home before they did . '' `` you miss your hometown . '' how had he seen something she 'd refused to acknowledge ? it 's hard to believe , but i miss the nosy neighbors , the local diner , the drive-in movie theater and main street . i even miss the crazy tourist season when the roads get clogged with people who do n't know where they 're going . and i miss my parents . but mostly , i miss my sisters . '' loneliness welled within her . she fussed with the hem of her robe . `` we were close , y'know ? we shared everything-a bathroom , makeup , clothes , shoes ... when i moved here i thought not having to share any of those things would be great . and it was- '' her voice broke `` -for about a month . '' `` did n't you have privacy when you lived in charleston ? '' `` i was close enough to home for them to drop in for a weekend at the beach or an overnight shopping trip . i saw my sisters at least once a week . sometimes they packed .	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emily screwed her mouth to one side . `` true , '' she admitted . `` but i 'm not even a yankees fan . i 'll be rooting for the underdog . is that something else you can handle ? '' with widened eyes , he placed a hand over his chest , mocking a wounded heart . `` mmm , keep talking like that , and you may find a way to get me to not admire you as much as i do . i 'm a die-hard yankees fan , miss cooper , '' he laughed . `` but , yes , i 'm sure i could handle sitting next to a non-yankees fan that i 've brought with me . '' `` okay , i 'll consider this friendly outing under one condition . '' let 's go , '' he said , reaching for her backpack . `` wait , you do n't even know what it is . '' he placed his hand on the small of her back and started leading her out of the park . whatever it is , i can most definitely handle it . '' she came to an abrupt halt and laughed . `` you will listen to me , or i go nowhere with you , gavin blake . a delicious grin slid across his mouth . `` like that , '' she motioned to his hand resting on her back . he smiled and pulled it away . `` no touching me , no undressing me with your eyes , and no doing that ... that damn stupid thing with your mouth when you pull it between your teeth . '' `` does me sucking on my lip bother you that much ? '' only 'cause it 's so insanely hot ... `` yes . he slowly dragged his bottom lip between his teeth , ending it with a luscious popping sound . `` well , the same goes for you then . '' she kinked her head to the side and let out a sigh . `` such a smart ass . you 've already warned me about not bringing any attention to my lips . '' she covered her mouth with her hand , the rest of her words coming out muffled from beneath . he nodded and laughed . `` but i do n't look at you like i want to rip your clothes off , and surely , i do n't touch you . '' `` since we 're being honest , you have no idea how i would love it if you touched me again . '' she dropped her hand from her mouth and let it hang open for a second . `` see , this is exactly what i 'm talking about , '' she said , turning on her heel to walk away from him . letting out a full throaty laugh , he jogged over to her and gently grabbed her elbow . she eyed his hand . he quickly let go and smiled . `` emily , i 'm just kidding with you . come on , it 's just jokes ... it 's who i am , really . '' she cocked a brow , unable to keep the smile off her face as he stood there with an innocent boyish grin . she knew he was anything but . `` if you want me to go with you today , you keep your hands to yourself , blake . if not , i will make you pay severely for it . '' `` sounds kinky , '' he smirked . `` however , i 'm nothing but a peasant to your request of being a gentleman , '' he playfully bowed . we need to catch the number four . '' `` wait , we 're taking the bus ? '' `` uh , no , '' he laughed . `` the number four 's the subway . '' `` oh , i thought we would drive ? '' he took the backpack from her and tossed it over his shoulder . `` we 're doing this certified new york , doll . '' despite her surprise that she was actually going to spend the day with him , emily followed , and a couple of city blocks later , they hopped onto the subway . between a teenage couple making out as if they were at a house party , a guy in a flowered sundress talking to himself while eating chinese food with his hands , and the mass of overly aggressive yankees fans chanting `` let 's go , yankees , '' emily was more than thrilled when they finally arrived at the stadium . once there , they both got something to eat . emily ordered a hot dog and a bottle of water , and gavin chose a bag of peanuts and a beer . he showed emily to their seats , which happened to be right behind home plate . gavin looked like a kid in a candy store , and emily found it cute to see a man of such power getting so excited over being at a baseball game . gavin glanced at his watch as the stadium slowly started to fill . the game will start within thirty minutes . '' emily nodded and looked down to her phone , noticing she had a missed call from dillon . she shifted in her seat and began to rethink what she had actually gotten herself into - now that she found herself alone with gavin at the game .	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i love you , sis , and i know you better than anyone else so i 'm saying this with nothing but love , 'do n't screw this up . ' do n't run away from him or try to chase him away . he 's the best thing that ever entered your life so grab onto him with both hands and do n't let him go . he 's not jeff , he 's a good man . '' `` you 're forgetting , beth , jeff was a good man , too , and look how that turned out . maybe i turn good men into bad people. `` with an unladylike snort , beth said , `` jeff was a spineless weasel , and i have no idea what you ever saw in him . i 'm all for equal rights , but would n't you like to be with a man who actually wears the pants in the relationship at least part of the time ? jeff never seemed to have an opinion of his own ; he was always in your shadow . i 'm surprised he had enough ambition to cheat on you without someone advising him to . '' suddenly , as if realizing she 'd said too much , beth 's hand flew to her mouth , `` oh god , i 'm sorry . oh crap , i was just running off at the mouth . please forget i said all of that . '' at first , suzy was surprised , beth rarely said anything negative about anyone and she 'd no idea that she viewed jeff in this light . now that the wounds were less raw , she could actually admit that beth was right . jeff had always deferred to her , and sometimes she 'd felt more like his mother than his lover . if they had ever been equals in their relationship , it had been long ago . maybe she just could n't let anyone take care of her . as soon as she had that thought , she pictured gray . she 'd actually loved having him to lean on the last few days and never once had she felt threatened or annoyed by it . she smiled at her sister and reached over to squeeze her hand . i think you have more of me inside you than we either imagined . never apologize for being honest with me , and by the way , i agree . now , about these ugly clothes you packed for me , where the hell did they come from ? '' as they both doubled over in laughter , beth admitted that they were hers , and she 'd just been trying to pack things that would be easier for suzy for relax in while she was healing . beth promised she 'd go pack some of suzy 's things that afternoon . soon suzy was starting to feel loopy from the pain medication , and gray came back to carry her to the sofa in the living room where he had a breakfast tray waiting for her . chapter ten both she and beth looked at the tray almost drooling . gray had prepared french toast , and bacon along with a glass of orange juice . he put her tray over her lap and gave her a playful tweak of the nose as he was straightening . `` beth , i made you a plate , as well . would you like to eat here or in the kitchen ? '' beth looked at gray like he 'd just announced he 'd run over her cat . `` i ... i already had something before i came . th ... thanks , though . '' beth turned away from the sight of her sister eating the mouth-watering french toast and murmured something about straightening the bathroom . `` beth , you do n't have to do that , i 'll take care of it , '' gray offered . gray looked puzzled as beth hurried from the room , as if she had n't heard him . he looked at suzy in confusion . `` did i do something to offend her ? '' she 's funny about food . she used to be heavier , and she worries a lot about what she eats . i 've always been able to eat like a horse without gaining weight , but it 's been a struggle for beth all of her life . '' nick had walked in from the kitchen and was obviously listening to their exchange . `` wow , that 's hard to believe . she 's really too thin now . i ca n't imagine she 'd ever have a problem with weight . she should chill . men like a little something to hang onto . '' suzy waved her fork at him in warning , `` do n't mention anything to her about it , and you better not hurt her feelings or i 'll club you upside the head with my cast when i get it . '' nick held up his hands in surrender . `` even i have my limits . i do n't go around hurting feelings . she may not be able to see it herself , but i think your sister is beautiful . a little uptight maybe , but beautiful . before you throw in the last lecture , i 'm not going to hit on her , so do n't get your panties in a twist . '' suzy looked over at gray , `` i like him ; your life will probably be miserable with both of us in it . 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what had enraged her even more was that she had tried to hire a driver herself , but webb had anticipated her and stymied that . it had n't been difficult ; there were n't that many limousine services in the shoals area , and none who would cross him . only grandmother had n't received the rough end of jessie 's tongue during that hellish month when she 'd been grounded like a rebellious teenager . maybe sleeping with other men was jessie 's revenge against webb for not letting her have her way , roanna thought . she was willful enough and spiteful enough to do it . bitterly , roanna knew that she would have made webb a much better wife than jessie had , but no one had ever considered it , least of all webb . roanna was abnormally observant , a trait developed from a lifetime of being shoved to the side . she loved webb , but she did n't underestimate his ambition . if grandmother had made it plain that she would be very pleased if he married roanna , the way she had with jessie , then very probably they would now be engaged . granted , webb had never looked at her the way he 'd looked at jessie , but she 'd always been too young . with davencourt in the balance , he would have chosen her , she knew he would . she would n't have cared that he 'd wanted davencourt more than he wanted her . she would have married webb on any terms at all , grateful just to get any part of his attention . why could n't it have been her ? because jessie was beautiful , and had always been grandmother 's favorite . roanna had tried hard at first , but she had never been as graceful or as socially adept , or had jessie 's good taste in clothing and decorating . she would certainly never be as pretty . roanna 's mirror was n't rose tinted ; she could plainly see her straight , heavy , untidy hair , more brown than red , and her bony , angular face with her weird , slanted brown eyes , the bump on the bridge of her long nose , and her too-big mouth . she was rail thin and clumsy , and her breasts were just barely there . despairing , she knew that no one , especially no man , would ever willingly choose her over jessie . at seventeen , jessie had been the most popular girl in school , while roanna , at the same age , had never had a real date . grandmother had arranged for her to have `` escorts '' to various functions she 'd been forced to attend , but the boys had obviously been shanghaied by their mothers for the duty , and roanna had always been embarrassed and tongue-tied . none of the draftees had ever volunteered for another opportunity for her company . but since webb 's marriage , roanna had tried less and less to fit herself into the mold grandmother had chosen for her , the appropriate social mold of a davenport . webb was lost to her . she had begun withdrawing , spending as much time as she could with the horses . she was relaxed with them in a way she never was with people , because the horses did n't care how she looked or if she 'd knocked over yet another glass at dinner . the horses responded to her light , gentle touch , to the special crooning note in her voice when she talked to them , to the love and care she lavished on them . she was never clumsy on a horse . somehow her thin body would move into the rhythm of the powerful animal beneath her , and she would become one with it , part of the strength and grace . loyal said he 'd never seen anyone ride as good as she did , not even mr. webb , and he rode as if he 'd been born in a saddle . her riding ability was the only thing about her that grandmother ever praised . but she would give up her horses if she could only have webb . here was her chance to break up his marriage , and she could n't take it , did n't dare take it . she could n't hurt him that way , could n't take the chance that he would lose his temper and do something irrevocable . buckley sensed her agitation , the way horses do , and began to prance nervously . roanna jerked her attention back to what she was doing and tried to soothe him , patting his neck and talking to him , but she could n't give him her full attention . despite the heat , cold chills roughened her skin , and again she felt as if she might vomit . loyal was far more attuned to horses than he was to people , but he frowned when he saw her face and came over to take buckley 's reins as she swung down from the saddle . `` nothing , '' she said , then rubbed a shaky hand over her face . `` i think maybe i got too hot , that 's all . i forgot my cap .	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you cant show up at the club without it . he squeezed my elbow harshly as we descended the marble staircase to the foyer . panic seized me as i tried to formulate an appropriate response . i do n't have it , i explained . what do you mean you do n't have it , jade ? where the fuck is the ring ? he bellows at me and i cower . his fingers dig into my shoulders -- no doubt leaving bruises -- before he starts violently shaking me . his hands release my shoulders abruptly and as my eyes snap open i feel weightless and lose my balance . his hate-filled eyes watch every hit to the cold hard stairs that my body takes . my hands protect my head but im helpless to do anything more before i crumple at the bottom in a pile of skin and bones . pain surges through me . i scream myself awake , out of breath . sweat drips down my back as i suck in ragged breaths to steady myself . eight years later and i still ca n't escape him . butterfly diamonds after a weekend of me throwing myself into my work , allie came home happy and excited for music camp in a few weeks . her cheerfulness and enthusiasm were hard to ignore and sawyer , allie , and i fell effortlessly back into our normal routine . sawyer never asked about my date with dom but seemed content that he 'd disappeared . i did n't offer up any more information . june slipped into july and yesterday sawyer dropped allie at music camp for another week away . i was really looking forward to her regular day camp when she returned . this being away crap was n't for me . i like my little girl home every night . she requested sawyer drop her off because i 'd made too much of a scene the last time . i protested violently to her idea but in the end they teamed up against me and won . did she say she loved me ? i whine to sawyer the moment he steps foot in the shop . he chuckles and blatantly lies to me . of course she did , love . i pout because i know hes full of shit . he looks over the book before sauntering back to me and hugging me . i dont like overnight camp , i complain , making him laugh again . well maybe we should go out , take your mind off of it , he suggests . i guess , i huff . im really being unreasonable and i know it . we could see a movie ? okay , i give in , earning me a heart-warming smile from my favorite man . sawyer prepares for his first appointment while i clean up my station . im light on appointments today and plan on getting some errands done . my back pocket vibrates . i fumble with the phone trying to remove it from my pocket and finally manhandle it into submission to check it . dom : hows my favorite lady ? doms been sending random texts here and there since he left . theyre usually short , always sweet , and i never know when theyll come . the man does n't give up easily and he sure knows how to keep my interest sparked , ill give him that . dom : miami . huh , who wudda thought ? dom : har har smart ass business or pleasure dom : business my dear , always business . all work and no play ... dom : makes dom a dull boy . see you soon handsome dom : not soon enough . his appointment is in five days and i find myself looking forward to it . i think about him often and lately i started dreaming about him ... really good dreams , too . the secret texts we share always put me in a good mood and i feel ive gotten to know him better through them . hes not dominic napoli the ruthless mogul , hes my dom , funny and thoughtful . tucking my phone back in my pocket , i resume cleaning before heading out . anything you need at the grocery store ? i ask sawyer on my way out . eh ... deodorant and condoms , he calls . condoms , huh ? you anticipating getting laid ? sawyer and i do n't use condoms ; i have an iud and weve been together forever and know each other 's history , not to mention we both get tested yearly . he must have a new love interest because i have n't seen kylie around for weeks . i answered , he clips and resumes tattooing his client . she giggles loudly at something he says and i wonder if thats his next lay . gross , i hate tattoo tramps . they just think hes a badass , they have no love for the real sawyer . i shake my head at them , leave , and hop in my car . by the time i get home and load my arms with the twenty or so grocery bags -- because like an idiot i refuse to make more than one trip to bring them in -- its nearing four . i struggle , teetering on my heels , to get everything to the door , where theres a box with a note waiting for me .	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naturally she recognized justine 's suv , and the taurus looked like the one jack griffin drove , but the red bmw had her baffled . olivia answered the doorbell and relaxed noticeably when she saw her . after a quick hug , olivia brought her into the house . a pizza delivery box lay open on the table and a bottle of red wine was there , too . `` anything left for me ? '' `` get your grandmother a wineglass , '' olivia instructed justine . charlotte was delighted to see her ex-son-in-law . she 'd always been fond of him . the divorce had been as hard on her as it 'd been on her daughter and the children . `` do n't tell me that red convertible belongs to you ? '' he set his wineglass next to the pizza box . `` i hate to eat and run , but i 've got to get back to seattle . '' charlotte would have dearly loved a chat . he bent down and kissed charlotte 's cheek , then hugged justine , who was busy pouring a glass of wine . the two men exchanged brief handshakes and olivia escorted him to the door . charlotte soon realized that stan had picked up olivia from the airport . she realized something else , too . the two men had not taken a liking to each other . `` i should be leaving , too , '' justine announced . she gave charlotte a half-full goblet and a kiss , then promptly disappeared . that left jack , who showed no sign of departing in the near future . well , charlotte needed to talk to her daughter , so she intended on waiting him out . `` tell me all about the baby , '' she said , settling in for a long visit . `` did james and selina like the blanket i knit ? '' then sighing , she added , `` i do hope you brought back pictures . '' oh , mother , she 's so beautiful . '' `` see you wednesday ? '' jack asked , sounding a little dispirited . olivia hesitated a moment , then nodded . apparently she 'd just agreed to a date , which cheered charlotte immensely . she did n't want olivia to be alone the rest of her life , and she liked jack griffin . `` i should be heading out , too , '' jack said reluctantly-as though he wanted olivia to ask him to stay . one look from jack told charlotte he wanted to be alone with olivia , but she was n't budging . soon enough he 'd departed . privacy at last . charlotte released a deep sigh . olivia sat down next to her with a glass of wine , feet propped up on the coffee table . `` it 's been quite a week . '' `` for me , too , '' charlotte said excitedly . `` you heard from roy ? '' charlotte grinned widely . `` yes , and guess what ? tom has a grandson living right outside purdy . '' the town was only a few miles down highway 16 from cedar cove . charlotte was thrilled with the news . in her heart of hearts , she 'd known tom had chosen to spend his last days in cedar cove for a reason . `` his name 's cliff harding . olivia rubbed her eyes , and charlotte could tell that her daughter was tired . `` he raises quarter horses . '' roy had told her that , along with the other information he 'd unearthed . cliff was a boeing engineer who 'd opted for an early retirement . he 'd moved to the kitsap peninsula five years earlier . `` i suspected tom had family in the area . '' charlotte felt downright proud of that . `` i did n't want to be intrusive , so i wrote cliff to ask him to get in touch . '' the letter had gone out the very day she 'd heard the news , but to her disappointment , she had n't heard back from him . she finished her wine , and then , because it was obvious that her daughter was n't in the mood for more company , charlotte decided it was time to leave . after a quick peek at the pictures , she gathered her things . olivia made a token protest , then escorted her to the door . `` i 'm glad you had a good trip . and i 'm thrilled about james . '' `` did you feel this elation when you first became a grandmother ? '' it had n't been so long ago that charlotte had forgotten . `` twins , no less . that was one of the happiest days of my life . '' `` and mine , '' olivia told her , but a sadness came over her , a sadness charlotte felt , too , as they remembered jordan and the happy , carefree boy he 'd been . on her drive home , she thought about cliff harding . he would certainly have received her letter but for some reason had either put off answering , or-worse-decided not to answer at all .	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she licked her lips to wet them , as she closed her fist around his granite-hard erection . gage groaned deeply as she started to stroke him , moving her wrists skillfully , fluidly , twisting and pulling his cck in a steady dance of unbridled desire . she whimpered as she felt him swell in her hand , a drop of prum tipping from the head to squeeze its way down to her wrist . working his shaft up and down , she felt the vibrations rumble from his throat , his hunger burning into the air . she felt his thighs flex in anticipation as she moved her mouth closer , warming his broad , carved cockhead with her soft breath . gage grasped the back of her head in both his hands , his fingers tangling in her hair , his hps jerking forward at the mere whisper of her lips closing in on his throbbing cock . kate opened her lips wide open to accept his cock , sucking hard and deep . she carefully slid one hand down the full length of him , reveling in the heated flesh that ran through her fingers . she followed the trail with her mouth , hollowing her cheeks so she could take more of him in , her head bobbing up and down , intent on swallowing up every inch of him . focusing on sucking as hard as she could while maintaining the perfect speed , she was spurred on by the ragged growl that tore from his throat . his hands in her hair were urging , his moans filling the tour bus and giving her all the incentive she needed to be more adventurous , giving . she pulled his cck out of her mouth and slid her tongue up and down his powerful erection , slanting her head and feeding his balls into her mouth . she felt them tighten , her name a gruff sound in his throat . bracing her hands on his muscular hips , she returned to sucking his cock , using the muscles in her cheeks to draw him in deeper till his base was stretching her lips and jaw . the walls of her throat rippled around him as her gag reflex kicked in , but she did n't pull away . wanting to give him as much pleasure as she was could , she fought to relax her throat as she rocked her mouth forward and backwards on his cock . gage was panting , his pelvis thrusting harder as his fingers gripped her hair tightly . kate could feel him pushing himself deeper into her mouth , before moving back again , steadily mounting her face while she sucked him with everything she had . mouth filling with saliva , which spilled from the edges , and sweat misting her brow , kate matched his rhythm . suddenly , he paused , his lips parted and gasping for breath . moving quickly , he pulled her up to him , his mouth melding against hers , all thought taking flight on passion 's wings . she clung to his broad shoulders as he carried her through to the bunkroom and moments later kate felt the bouncy firmness of the bed beneath her . lying on her back , she felt gage hook his fingers into her panties and draw them down her raised hips , down her legs before peeling them from her ankles . discarding them , he reached for her left leg , planting kisses on her ankle and then up the smooth length of her shapely calf . kate sunk her teeth into her bottom lip and bit back a moan , her eyes dimming as he sucked the softness of her inner thigh right above her knee . clutching the sheets , she arched her back as he glided a hand up her thigh . kate shivered when she felt gage 's fingertips graze her clt once again . his lips joined to tease her glistening folds to a pulsating frenzy . he lapped at her slit , plucking at her labia till she began to glide her hps in a sensual dance of bliss . `` oh ... gage , '' she moaned , as he pushed his fingers into her - knuckle-deep . he nibbled and sucked on her clt while he forced his fingers against her g-spot . her cries of pleasure filled the tour bus , and it took just minutes to get her to her peak . but before she could reach the point of no return , he raised his head , smiling wolfishly as she whimpered in protest . his breath fanned over her flesh as he stretched up to kiss his way across her body , seizing her brsts and squeezing them passionately . his frame covered hers and kate moaned at the sensation of his powerful masculinity pressing her down into the mattress . she writhed beneath the warm texture of his tongue rolling over her aching nples , as his hands gripped her ass and then squeezed her lower back , making their way up to her neck which he held tightly to , controlling her every movement . helplessly aroused , kate felt her hands shoving against his chest as she tried to ease the blissful torment . with urgency , he took hold of her arms and pinned them on either side of her head while his knee pushed in between her thighs .	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my mother is good with herbs . would you like her help ? you are burned , friend ? havilah was enchanted by the boy with the pretty blue eyes and took his hand . her crying ceased , and i turned to help ruth . her hair was black , and i pulled scissors from the cabinet . we will have to cut this , ruth . ruth cried as i chopped her locks . its only hair . it will grow back , was all i said . the charred blanket was tossed into the trash , and the pot was burned badly , too . i was surprised how quickly paul had ended the flames . he turned off the stove and turned to help a lady in need . we need to go see havilah . check up on her , i suggested . we walked across the hall to the dirty apartment of paul desrosiers . there was scarcely any furniture , but everything was neat and tidy . i saw a rat clamber across the floor , though . the place had a problem with rats . i found paul in a side apartment . why didnt you turn the stove off ? thats all you had to do . for the first few words , speaking to my future husband was hard . i gulped and tried to hide back the tears . i was focused on saving my sisters . you could have burned the entire apartment down , girl . youre a lady , right ? you should be able to cook at your age . i pulled on my braids . someone has an esteem issue . he was dressed in too-short clothing , and his slick brown hair was tucked behind his ear . you are the one you describe . i wont tell you my name if you insult me in this manner . i followed ruth into a room completely closed from light . pauls mother leaned over my other sister , and treated her burns with crushed leaves . you will be okay , sweetheart , she whispered in fluent french . youre french ? he didnt look french . paul desrosiers , he nodded , thrusting out his hand . of le cannet . why are you in london ? escaping the problems of our country . what mama is trying to say is that papa didnt want to fight the algerians . he says they have the rights to freedom , but people thought he was too radical . a little boy with brown hair and equally blue eyes popped into the room . he was very small , but he was fourteen-years-old . i am jean . i shook his hand before he bowed and blew me a kiss . i glared at paul , and invitingly told the boy , i am genevieve beaulieu . and my sisters , ruth and havilah . havilah groaned , but ruth curtsied . i could tell she was enamored with jeans blue eyes . you are french as well . parisian ? asked their mother . she was very sweet , with the same brown hair and blue eyes . when i nodded , she said , i am parisian as well . i moved to le cannet as a girl , where i met my husband . do you agree with your papa ? i elbowed my sister , but their mother , giselle , nodded . my mama says that she thinks the war is unnecessary , and that it only caused the deaths of two of her family members , i chirped . i tugged on my raggedy dress . giselle asked as she patted havilahs sweaty face with a moist rag . our father and our brother . our father is quite dead , ruth announced , her outgoing personality shining , but our brother armand is still alive . he is just not the same . insanity has replaced his grief . i see , agreed giselle . girls , would you mind showing me your apartment ? i want to make sure there wont be any more fires , okay ? i made sure , paul said , his egocentricity annoying me . i checked , mama . paul , you are sixteen-years-old , but sometimes it is okay to know god blessed me with my own pair of eyes . take jean downstairs to the bakery . here is a coin . get the rye . paul bitterly turned , pulling his brother by the collar . jean turned and winked at ruth . though her hair was freshly chopped , and her skin was irritated and clammy , she smiled enthusiastically . the brothers left . madame giselle ? please be honest with me . giselle nodded approvingly to havilah , who was quiet on the nearby table . her skin will need constant ointment , but she wasnt hurt too badly . her dress was thick enough to keep most of the flames from her body . i will leave her for a few minutes and then i shall return to her . we crossed the hallway , and giselle came into our two-room apartment .	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512], ["pauls", 512], ["end", 522], ["ends", 522], ["endest", 522], ["ended", 522], ["flame", 533], ["flames", 533], ["stove", 559], ["lady", 585], ["need", 593], ["needest", 593], ["go", 609], ["goest", 609], ["see", 613], ["check", 629], ["suggest", 653], ["suggested", 653], ["walk", 665], ["walked", 665], ["across", 672], ["hall", 681], ["dirty", 694], ["apartment", 704], ["scarcely", 744], ["furniture", 758], ["everything", 775], ["neat", 784], ["neats", 784], ["tidy", 793], ["tidying", 793], ["see", 801], ["saw", 801], ["rat", 807], ["ratted", 807], ["clamber", 815], ["floor", 832], ["though", 841], ["place", 853], ["problem", 867], ["rat", 877], ["ratted", 877], ["rats", 877], ["find", 887], ["found", 887], ["side", 902], ["sidest", 902], ["turn", 933], ["first", 989], ["firstest", 989], ["word", 999], ["words", 999], ["speak", 1010], ["spoken", 1010], ["speaking", 1010], ["future", 1023], ["husband", 1031], ["husbanding", 1031], ["hard", 1040], ["gulp", 1051], ["gulps", 1051], 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1525], ["lit", 1536], ["light", 1536], ["lean", 1558], ["leans", 1558], ["leaned", 1558], ["sister", 1579], ["treat", 1593], ["treats", 1593], ["treatest", 1593], ["treated", 1593], ["burn", 1603], ["burns", 1603], ["left", 1623], ["leave", 1623], ["leaves", 1623], ["okay", 1642], ["sweetheart", 1655], ["whisper", 1671], ["whispered", 1671], ["fluent", 1681], ["french", 1688], ["look", 1719], ["nod", 1756], ["nodded", 1756], ["thrust", 1768], ["thrusting", 1768], ["le", 1789], ["ling", 1789], ["cannet", 1796], ["london", 1820], ["escape", 1831], ["escapes", 1831], ["escaping", 1831], ["problem", 1844], ["problems", 1844], ["country", 1859], ["mama", 1871], ["mamas", 1871], ["try", 1881], ["tryed", 1881], ["trying", 1881], ["say", 1888], ["sayest", 1888], ["papa", 1901], ["fight", 1921], ["fightest", 1921], ["algerian", 1935], ["algerians", 1935], ["say", 1945], ["sayest", 1945], ["says", 1945], ["right", 1966], ["rightest", 1966], ["rights", 1966], ["freedom", 1977], ["people", 1990], ["think", 1998], ["thinkest", 1998], ["thought", 1998], ["radical", 2017], ["little", 2028], ["equally", 2060], ["pop", 2077], ["popped", 2077], ["small", 2111], ["fourteen", 2133], ["year", 2139], ["years", 2139], ["old", 2143], ["jean", 2155], ["jeans", 2155], ["shake", 2165], ["shook", 2165], ["bow", 2190], ["bowed", 2190], ["blew", 2199], ["blow", 2199], ["blowest", 2199], ["kiss", 2209], ["kisses", 2209], ["kissest", 2209], ["glare", 2220], ["glared", 2220], ["invitingly", 2245], ["tell", 2250], ["told", 2250], ["genevieve", 2275], ["groan", 2338], ["groans", 2338], ["groanest", 2338], ["groaning", 2338], ["groaned", 2338], ["curtsy", 2358], ["curtsied", 2358], ["enamor", 2390], ["enamored", 2390], ["jean", 2401], ["jeans", 2401], ["well", 2436], ["wells", 2436], ["parisian", 2447], ["parisians", 2447], ["ask", 2455], ["asked", 2455], ["sweet", 2489], ["move", 2591], ["moved", 2591], ["meet", 2628], ["meeted", 2628], ["met", 2628], ["agree", 2654], ["elbow", 2681], ["elbowing", 2681], ["elbowed", 2681], ["think", 2760], ["thinkest", 2760], ["thinks", 2760], ["war", 2768], ["unnecessary", 2783], ["cause", 2809], ["caused", 2809], ["death", 2820], ["deaths", 2820], ["two", 2827], ["twos", 2827], ["family", 2841], ["member", 2849], ["members", 2849], ["chirp", 2861], ["chirped", 2861], ["tug", 2872], ["tugging", 2872], ["tugged", 2872], ["raggedy", 2886], ["dress", 2892], ["dressest", 2892], ["pat", 2922], ["patted", 2922], ["sweaty", 2938], ["face", 2943], ["moist", 2956], ["rag", 2960], ["ragged", 2960], ["father", 2973], ["fathered", 2973], ["fathering", 2973], ["brother", 2989], ["brethren", 2989], ["quite", 3011], ["dead", 3016], ["announce", 3033], ["announced", 3033], ["outgoing", 3048], ["personality", 3060], ["still", 3102], ["alive", 3108], ["insanity", 3145], ["replace", 3158], ["replaced", 3158], ["grief", 3168], ["agree", 3185], ["agreed", 3185], ["girl", 3201], ["girls", 3201], ["mind", 3218], ["minding", 3218], ["show", 3226], ["showing", 3226], ["sure", 3266], ["fire", 3295], ["fires", 3295], ["egocentricity", 3348], ["annoy", 3357], ["annoys", 3357], ["annoyed", 3357], ["check", 3372], ["checked", 3372], ["sixteen", 3404], ["sixteens", 3404], ["know", 3449], ["knowest", 3449], ["god", 3453], ["bless", 3461], ["blessest", 3461], ["blessed", 3461], ["pair", 3481], ["pairs", 3481], ["take", 3496], ["downstairs", 3512], ["bakery", 3526], ["coin", 3543], ["get", 3549], ["rye", 3557], ["ryes", 3557], ["bitterly", 3573], ["pull", 3590], ["pulling", 3590], ["collar", 3616], ["collared", 3616], ["wink", 3641], ["winks", 3641], ["winkest", 3641], ["winked", 3641], ["freshly", 3679], ["skin", 3702], ["clammy", 3727], ["smile", 3740], ["smiled", 3740], ["enthusiastically", 3757], ["brother", 3772], ["brethren", 3772], ["brothers", 3772], ["left", 3777], ["leave", 3777], ["madame", 3786], ["please", 3803], ["honest", 3813], ["approvingly", 3850], ["quiet", 3877], ["nearby", 3891], ["table", 3897], ["tabled", 3897], ["tabling", 3897], 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georgian longue continued to talk about the time machine . its humming and rumblings never fading . its volume forever changing , like a sleeping bear disagreeing with his dreams . some dreams it must be having ! you could do with one days grace , stanley , but i am afraid we must be on our way . time , as they say , is forever of the essence . he smiled at his joke , as did we . it was harmless humour after all , and he had a charming way of making people feel relaxed and safe in his company . you mean ive no time to think about this ? i am afraid not , stanley . do you think you might not do this ? i stuttered a bit . it wasnt that i didnt want to do it . i mean , they did seem to be a competent government agency , group , whatever , who knew what they were doing , [ well , i assumed they did ! ] , but i still would have appreciated a moment to myself , just to fully comprehend it all . i was only human , after all , and i needed time to think . in my fumblings of words i managed to share this thought with the group . replied georgian longue . how inconsiderate of me ! you need time to think ! well , monsieur jefferson , we can not offer you very much , but how about an hour or two to yourself ? we give you complete privacy , food and drink and the bio-suit you will be wearing for the journey . crikey , [ i thought afterwards ] , he sure can be pushy . yes , that would be lovely . i answered meekly , and thought , well thats just typical of you , stanley . georgian longue continued , i will be travelling with you , mj . there will be three of us going . you will not be travelling alone . you will also have protective clothing . protective clothing ? i said , gazing into the black hole . it does look frightening . it is safe , insisted georgian longue . an analogy is required . just like cooking . i looked at him , expecting more . perfectly safe providing you wear heat resistant oven-gloves . without them you would be burnt . the same is true here . i will be perfectly honest with you , stanley , we are dealing with the powers of nature akin to riding a lightning bolt . immense powers . but we have the oven-gloves to shield us from being burnt . more than adequate , i can assure you . after all , would i be going with you if i thought it dangerous to my health ? must admit , the likes of georgian longue coming along instead of passing the risks onto someone else did instil confidence in me . perhaps i did have nothing to worry about . but my head was still overloading with information . i still needed that mental breathing space to sit back and look at my new life , at least at arms length , to find some perspective . i was getting myself into such a state . i couldnt tell if the room was buzzing like a beehive , or if it was me . and gazed once more at the dark portal in front of me . my thoughts were in a million places , all cascading down and down into this tunnel of time . georgian longue patted me on the shoulder and walked off with nicole . michelle came close and stood next to me . i looked at michelle , who had grown complex since i experienced my gift with her . youll be marvellous , stanley , she said , delightfully , hiding something . i wanted to know what she was hiding . but then she held my hand . and i went all-aquiver . are you sure its safe , michelle ? if anyone can assure me , its you . yes , stanley . her fresh , encouraging smile made me smile too . and , all of a sudden , i felt very sure about this mission . this crazy , outlandish mission . if michelle felt it was right , then so did i. i looked again into her eyes . and no amount of freefall through a time hole could compare with the way i fell , there and then , into her . chapter six michelle was the last to leave me alone in my personal quarters . she closed the door quietly with a warm and small bye and i stood in my quiet room , admiring and soaking up the peace it offered me . no sound but the whirring ventilation system and my own breathing , slowing , calming , thinking . i sank onto the bed , feeling the pillows cloud my ears , muffling away even the harmless purring in the ceiling . i closed my eyes and welcomed the slumber my brain needed so dearly . you know when you start to sleep in your catnap hours , your thoughts take charge and you follow them on illogical meanderings . well , this was happening now . i let myself go , and didnt particularly care where they would take me .	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no , he would not deflower her so primitively in a barn , though it would not be for lack of wanting but because he knew she deserved better than a tumble in the hay-literally . she wriggled against him and he belatedly realized that the deep , guttural groan he heard , so foreign to his ears , had come from somewhere deep inside himself . again she moved , submitting him once more to the same sweet torture he 'd felt a moment earlier as her bottom had rubbed against him . `` stop , '' he muttered , his hand grabbing at her thigh in an attempt to hold her still . her thigh ... how he 'd contemplated it for endless moments since accidentally placing his hand against it in the pumpkin carriage the night of the ball ; the way it had felt to his touch-so soft and curvaceous-so sensual and womanly . he felt her tense beneath him . she asked , her breathing low and heavy . `` nothing , except that you 're driving me mad , and i 'm not sure how much of that i can bear before i ... '' he coughed to mask his discomfort and decided to steer the conversation back to more comfortable ground , focusing on her needs instead of his own . he squeezed her thigh and kissed the side of her neck . `` i wonder ... if you 've ever ... '' his fingers trailed up over her leg , bunching the fabric of her gown as they travelled across her hip and settled between her thighs . `` touched yourself ... she probably would have jumped to her feet and run out the door if it had n't been for the fact that anthony held her firmly in place . at least that was the indication her very loud `` no '' gave him . she then started prattling on about what sort of doxy he must think her to be , that she must have been mad to be there with him and what could she possibly have been thinking . unable to silence her with a kiss due to their present position , he decided to move his hand against her instead . `` then allow me to show you what magnificent pleasure can be found in a mere touch . '' her hps rose to meet him , as he 'd known they would , and though she sighed and groaned , she muttered , `` no , '' and then , `` you must n't . '' he stilled , unable to advance unless she asked him to . whatever people thought of him , he 'd never so much as kissed a woman without her granting him permission . so he turned his attention to her shoulder instead , nibbling there as his hands found her brsts once more . he asked as he tugged at one of her nples , eliciting a throaty cry of pleasure from her . god , he was hard for her . he 'd never in his life been more aroused than he was now , to the point when it was causing him actual physical pain . he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to concentrate on what mattered . this was about her-about showing her what he could give her if she 'd only let him . `` no , '' she murmured again , and anthony reined in his passion and started to pull away-to do the right thing-when she grasped his hand and said , `` i mean no , i 'm not certain i wish you to stop . '' `` then you wish for me to continue ? '' it was all the permission he needed . caressing the smooth surface of her belly , his hand drifted lower , over the soft curls guarding her womanhood , tickling her gently on their downward journey . she stiffened , and he sensed that she was holding her breath . `` relax , bella , and let me show you , '' he said . and then he did-his fingertips slowly skimming her tender flesh . `` oh , god , '' she moaned as her hps rose to greet him . `` please ... '' `` please stop ... or please continue ? '' anthony asked , his words soft against her ear as he gently parted her and ran one finger along her center , reveling in the slick wetness that welcomed him . `` do n't stop , '' she murmured , arching her back and grasping his legs with her hands . anthony was sure of it , for her passion was such that he knew mr. roberts would be incapable of satisfying her , and now that anthony had unleashed her inner wanton and made her aware of her desires , she 'd know that she would have no choice but to pick him over that fool . besides , anthony thought as he circled the hard nub that would lead her to fruition , he had to have her for himself if he was to preserve his own sanity . no other woman would do-not anymore-and the mere thought of isabella ... bella ... left him hard and aching . living out the remainder of his days in such an unfulfilled state would be torturous .	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`` were you aware my father called your office four times , as well as sent various emails , the week before his disappearance ? and that he wrote you several letters detailing his concerns with the special forces team ? he also called your residence repeatedly . '' `` he did n't leave a message . we were traveling , but i always retrieved my messages . '' the general stopped dead on the dance floor . at once lily felt the warning . if he is n't part of the conspiracy , lily , and they think he knows too much , they 'll kill him . get him moving , keep him calm . ryland 's voice whispered over her skin , fluttered in her mind . she moved with the rhythm of the music , urging the general back into the dance steps . `` please , sir , you ca n't stop , you ca n't look as if we 're discussing anything but light topics . '' general ranier responded immediately , throwing back his head and laughing as he took her deeper into the shadows and into the anonymity of the crowd . `` what are you implying , lily ? '' there was no uncle voice now , he was all commander , insisting on the truth . his dark eyes bored into her face . lily regarded him without flinching . `` my father asked me to consult on the project . the day he disappeared i went down to the laboratories . the men were isolated from each other , depersonalized and living in cages where they had no privacy whatsoever . they had been sent out into the field against my father 's specific instructions . he warned colonel higgens repeatedly that they needed stronger shields . there were three deaths i ca n't prove but suspect were murder and one attempted murder i can prove . '' `` these are serious allegations , lily , do you know what you 're accusing a respected officer of doing ? colonel higgens is a respected man , a man of honor . '' `` it is n't just colonel higgens . general mcentire was aware of the project long before the escape of the men and his pretended demands to be included . phillip thornton is in on it too . '' `` on what , lily ? you 're talking murder . these are high-ranking officers in the united states ... '' he trailed off , his features hardening . `` my god , lily , you may have uncovered the very thing we 've been searching for . do n't you talk to anyone at all . '' `` general , the men ... '' `` lily , i mean it . you are n't to talk to anyone . '' `` if what i suspect is true , these men will kill you if they think you know something . '' `` they 'll kill you too , general . they killed my father already . i 'd be very careful of your aide if i were you . you 're the only chance those men have . '' the music ended and the general walked her to the edge of the dance floor . `` lily , tell me you had nothing to do with that escape . you do n't know where those men are , do you ? they could be in on this and they are dangerous . i 've had reports . '' `` just remember who wrote those reports , general . think of the money other governments and terrorist groups would pay to get their hands on this ability . by making it look as if the experiment were a total failure , by discrediting the men and cutting them off from a legitimate chain of command , higgens could easily control the situation . i 'll bet he 's in charge of finding them and he 's branded them dangerous ... '' `` lily , they are dangerous . do you have contact with these men ? '' his voice was gruff , demanding an answer . `` i forbid you to put yourself in danger . delia would be devastated if anything happened to you . i wo n't have it , lily . i 'll put you under house arrest at my residence and have you guarded day and night . '' `` how do you know for certain whom you can trust ? i was afraid to talk to you about this because you did n't answer my father 's calls or emails . '' `` i never received your father 's messages or his letters , lily . i ca n't believe he 's really gone . '' she could hear the sorrow in his voice , read it in his mind . he could n't fake such sadness . `` they threw him into the ocean . i knew when he died . '' general ranier hugged her . she could feel his deep sorrow , the anger in him beginning to stir . the outrage that he might know the men responsible . `` i 'm sorry , lily , he was a great man and my friend . '' `` do n't worry about me , general . arly sees to it that i 'm perfectly safe . no one 's going to bother me in my home , '' she assured him . they 'll be afraid of what we might say to one . you 're going to have to act natural in front of them until we find proof . 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margaret is currently employed part-time at a travel agency , but she 's never discussed her job with me . i do applaud her decision to be home as much as possible for the girls , but i 've avoided sharing my thoughts , uncertain of their reception . after a brief exchange of chitchat and news , we drove out to the cemetery in two cars . mom had brought a large bouquet of lilacs from her garden , and julia and hailey set them in the receptacle at my father 's gravesite . a large number of american flags flapped in the wind across the cemetery , reminding us of the men and women who sacrificed their lives for our country . i 've always found cemeteries curious places . as a child , i had an almost ghoulish fascination with tombstones . i especially enjoyed reading the epitaphs on those from the 1800s and early 1900s . while margaret and my parents paid their respects to my grandparents , i 'd invariably wander off . i broke my leg when i was five when a statue of the virgin mary fell over on me . i did n't tell mom and dad that i 'd been climbing on her at the time , hoping to look at her face . i never really knew my grandparents . one set lived on the east coast and visited only on rare occasions . my mother 's family had come to seattle at the time of the great depression , but her parents had died shortly after i was born . each memorial day we visited their graves and placed flowers by their headstones . i felt little emotion for my long-dead relatives , perhaps a twinge now and then , wishing i remembered them , but that was about it . now as i stared down at my father 's marker , so fresh and new , a surge of harsh grief came over me . the marble tablet said so little . his name , james howard hoffman , and the dates of his birth and death : may 20 , 1940-december 29 , 2003 . birth to death , and all that appeared between those two events was a dash . that silent dash said nothing about his two tours of duty in vietnam , or his unwavering love for his wife and daughters . that dash could n't possibly reveal the countless hours he 'd spent at my bedside , comforting me , reading to me , doing whatever he could to help me . there are no words to describe the depth of my father 's love . the familiar blinding pain struck me then . one consequence of the tumor that continues to linger is migraine headaches . with the new medicines now available , i can almost always catch them early . the telltale signs are unmistakable . this one , however , had caught me by surprise . i fumbled in my purse for the pills i carried with me constantly . my mother , aware of my situation , came toward me when she saw me stumble . `` lydia , what is it ? '' i breathed in slowly and deeply . `` i need to get home , '' i whispered , closing my eyes to the blinding sunlight . `` margaret , matt , '' mom called urgently . she slid her arm around my waist . within minutes she 'd bundled me into the car but instead of having matt drive me to my own small apartment above the yarn shop , my mother insisted on bringing me to her house . it was n't long before i was in bed in the room where i 'd spent most of my childhood . mom draped cool washcloths on my forehead and then tiptoed out of the room to allow me to sleep . i knew that once the medication had been given a chance to work , i 'd sleep for a couple of hours . afterward i 'd be fine , but reaching that point-the beginning of relief-was difficult . soon after my mother left and the horrible throbbing was at its peak , i heard the bedroom door creak open again . although i was completely prone and my eyes were closed , i knew it was my sister who 'd walked into the room . `` you could n't do it , could you ? '' her words were weighted with bitterness . `` you ca n't let a day pass without being the center of attention , can you ? '' i found it hard to fathom that my sister would seriously believe i 'd intentionally bring on a migraine for the sake of a few minutes ' attention . if margaret had ever suffered with one , she 'd know differently . but i was in no shape to argue , so i kept silent . `` someday it 's only going to be the two of us , you know . '' i did know and wanted so badly to have a good relationship with my sister . if i had n't been hounded by pain i would 've tried to explain how much i wished things could be different between us . `` if you think i 'm going to step in and pick up where mom and dad left off , you 're sadly mistaken . '' i could n't imagine margaret doing anything of the kind . `` i refuse to pamper and spoil you .	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i let out a deep breath , trying not to sound exasperated and failing miserably . `` i miss you , elena . it 's only been a couple of days and i miss you like crazy . i ca n't wait to wrap my arms around you again . '' his voice dripped with seduction and it caused a stir in me . `` i miss you too , sebastian . when are you flying back to miami ? '' `` i am flying back on friday and i have already made plans for us on saturday night . i hope you like thai food . '' we 're going to nikko by sunshine , it 's delicious thai and it gets rave reviews . '' `` is it on lincoln road ? '' `` no , it 's not on miami beach , it 's a little further away . '' `` oh right , you ca n't be seen with me . '' `` elena , do n't say it like that , please . i promise things wo n't be like this for long . '' `` good , because i wo n't put up with it like this for much longer . '' well , i better let you go , it 's nearly 2:30 a.m. here . i 'll give you a call tomorrow , but it will be a little bit earlier if that 's okay . '' thanks for calling sebastian and i 'll talk to you tomorrow . '' i was slammed at work the next day and sebastian called me in the afternoon and we spoke for just a few minutes . he told me that he would be home the following day by 2:00 and he was looking forward to seeing me on saturday . that really made me happy so even though i had a ton of work to do , time flew by for me and i could n't wait to see sebastian . when i got home that evening i was looking through my beautiful new clothes trying to decide what to wear and i got an idea . i wanted to surprise sebastian on that friday instead of waiting to see him on saturday . i decided that i was going to drive to his house and he would know how much i missed him . i really wanted him to know that i was into him and there was no doubt about us on my end . i was a little bit giddy thinking about his reaction and i could n't wait to see the look on his face when i showed up at his house . i decided i was going to wear a sexy black strapless minidress and strappy black sandals over to his place and i could n't wait until the end of the day on friday . all i could think about on friday was getting home to shower and change . i felt like a teenager who was freaking out about getting ready for a date with the guy she had a huge crush on . i was having a really hard time focusing at work that day . bev must have asked me the same questions at least five times every time she came to my office for something before i was able to answer her . `` are you feeling okay , elena ? i could see that she was truly concerned so i had to snap out of it and force myself to focus because i did n't want to worry her . i guess i did n't get enough sleep last night so i will definitely have to make sure that i catch up on my rest this weekend . thanks bev . '' thankfully that seemed to pacify her so i made sure to pay attention to whatever she asked me every time she came to me the rest of the afternoon . six o'clock finally rolled around and i practically ran out of the office to my car . as soon as i got home i jumped in the shower and changed into my perfect outfit , made sure my hair and makeup were perfect and quickly spritzed myself with my favorite perfume . i googled directions to his house on star island and when i finally arrived at a little after 8:00 , the house had a huge gate and my heart sank . my surprise was going to be ruined because i had to call to have him let me in . i guess since i did n't live in the world of the wealthy i did n't even factor in that there would be a gate around his house . the man had a personal bodyguard and was a billionaire ; of course there would be a gate around his house ! i felt really silly for not even thinking about that because the average person , if they used their brain , would know that someone in his position would have security in every aspect of his life . a ball of nerves hit me suddenly as i dialed his number . `` blu residence . '' a formal male voice blared through the intercom . `` yes , i am here to see sebastian . '' i sat in my car with my heart feeling like it was trying to hammer it 's way out of my chest as i waited for him to come back . `` mr. blu will see you .	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