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Saibo-creator
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bookcorpus_compact_1024_test

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text stringlengths 3.57k 5.54k	concept_with_offset stringlengths 3.48k 11.1k
she paused before unlocking the door , raising a slat of the blinds and looking out . she found herself staring straight at simon , because he stood square in front of the door . her breath wooshed out of her lungs at the impact of his physical presence , sort of like looking out and finding a large wolf standing there . his gaze met hers through the glass , and he lifted his brows as if to say , well ? dismayed , she let the slat drop and stood there for a minute , trying to decide whether or not to open the door . she 'd hoped he had already left town . what was he hanging around for ? `` you might as well open the door , '' he said through the wood . she grumbled , turning the lock and pulling the door open . he came in , a smile ghosting around his mouth . she demanded , pushing her sleep-mussed hair out of her face . she had n't even dragged a brush through it yet , and she did n't care . `` i came to see if you wanted to go out for lunch . i guess not , '' he said with a faint undertone of amusement . andie yawned and turned back to the sofa , pulling her legs up and tucking her bare feet under the cushions . she was still wearing her pajama bottoms and t-shirt , so , no , she was n't going out , for lunch or anything else . `` i guess not , '' she echoed , frowning at him . `` i have n't had breakfast yet . he did a one-shoulder shrug . `` to take you to lunch . like she believed that for a single minute . you probably do n't breathe without an ulterior motive . '' `` staying alive is all . '' he lifted his head , sniffing the air . `` is the coffee fresh ? '' she 'd napped longer than she 'd thought . `` it 's about an hour old , so it should still be good . '' she could use more coffee herself , so she got up and went into the kitchen , taking her cup with her . she called as she opened the cabinet door and reached for another cup , raising her voice so he could hear her in the living room . `` black , '' he said right behind her , and she jumped , almost dropping the cup . he reached out to catch it , his hand closing around hers to steady her grip . immediately , she pulled out of his grasp and lifted the coffeepot from the warmer , filling both their cups . `` make some noise when you walk , '' she finally said flatly . `` i could whistle . '' just do n't sneak up on me . '' she was more unnerved than she wanted him to see , because the moment had reminded her vividly of when he came up behind her on the penthouse balcony and had sex with her right there , not even turning her around to kiss her . at the time , he could n't have made it plainer that she was nothing but a piece of ass to him , yet she 'd let herself be seduced by sheer pleasure , and over the course of the afternoon built it up in her mind until she thought he would actually take her with him . she still felt scalded by the humiliation of his rejection . she set down the cup and took a slow , steadying breath . `` i think you should leave , '' she said baldly . `` because i kissed you last night ? '' his gaze was shrewd as he studied her . `` because you are who you are and i am who i am . i know what i was before , but since the wreck i 've been alone- '' hell , he knew that ; he 'd been keeping tabs on her all this time . `` and i think being alone is what 's best for me . i do n't make good decisions when it comes to men . `` i 'm not asking you to make any decision . you have to eat , do n't you ? we can always go to a pancake restaurant . '' his tone was mild and undemanding , and if she had n't been on her guard she might have been lulled into a false sense of safety . how dangerous could a pancake restaurant be ? the problem was , there was no such thing as being safe with this man , at least not from him , and the reason for that lay as much within herself as it did with him . `` if you do , i 'll answer any question you ask . '' she froze , furious with herself because the offer was too tempting to resist , and he knew it . intellectually she knew she should stay far , far away from him , but let him dangle the opportunity to find out anything she wanted about him and she was all over it like a hawk on a bunny rabbit . he watched her with amusement glittering in his eyes and quirking the corners of his mouth , and he was so damned attractive like that , his guard down and his normally blank expression banished , that she actually quivered from the strength of his pull .	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439], ["minute", 468], ["try", 477], ["tryed", 477], ["trying", 477], ["decide", 487], ["whether", 495], ["open", 510], ["hope", 534], ["hoped", 534], ["already", 549], ["left", 554], ["leave", 554], ["town", 559], ["hung", 581], ["hang", 581], ["hangs", 581], ["hanging", 581], ["around", 588], ["may", 607], ["mays", 607], ["mayest", 607], ["might", 607], ["say", 642], ["sayest", 642], ["said", 642], ["wood", 659], ["grumble", 674], ["grumbles", 674], ["grumbled", 674], ["turn", 684], ["turning", 684], ["lock", 693], ["pull", 705], ["pulling", 705], ["come", 729], ["came", 729], ["smile", 742], ["ghost", 751], ["ghosting", 751], ["mouth", 768], ["mouthed", 768], ["demand", 783], ["demandest", 783], ["demanded", 783], ["push", 793], ["pushing", 793], ["slept", 803], ["sleep", 803], ["sleeps", 803], ["sleepest", 803], ["muss", 810], ["mussing", 810], ["hair", 815], ["face", 831], ["even", 850], ["evens", 850], ["drag", 858], ["dragged", 858], ["brush", 866], ["brushest", 866], ["yet", 881], ["care", 904], ["see", 923], ["go", 943], ["goest", 943], ["lunch", 957], ["lunched", 957], ["lunches", 957], ["guess", 967], ["faint", 997], ["undertone", 1007], ["amusement", 1020], ["yawn", 1035], ["yawns", 1035], ["yawnest", 1035], ["yawned", 1035], ["turn", 1046], ["turned", 1046], ["back", 1051], ["sofa", 1063], ["leg", 1082], ["legs", 1082], ["tuck", 1097], ["tucked", 1097], ["tucking", 1097], ["bare", 1106], ["foot", 1111], ["feet", 1111], ["cushion", 1130], ["cushioning", 1130], ["cushions", 1130], ["still", 1146], ["wear", 1154], ["wearing", 1154], ["pajama", 1165], ["pajamas", 1165], ["bottom", 1173], ["bottoming", 1173], ["bottoms", 1173], ["shirt", 1185], ["go", 1215], ["goest", 1215], ["going", 1215], ["anything", 1243], ["else", 1248], ["echo", 1281], ["echoed", 1281], ["frown", 1292], ["frowns", 1292], ["breakfast", 1329], ["shoulder", 1357], ["shouldered", 1357], ["shrug", 1363], ["shrugging", 1363], ["take", 1376], ["believe", 1409], ["believed", 1409], ["single", 1427], ["probably", 1449], ["breathes", 1464], ["without", 1472], ["ulterior", 1484], ["motive", 1491], ["stay", 1507], ["staying", 1507], ["alive", 1513], ["head", 1544], ["sniff", 1555], ["sniffed", 1555], ["sniffing", 1555], ["air", 1563], ["airs", 1563], ["airing", 1563], ["coffee", 1582], ["fresh", 1588], ["freshest", 1588], ["nap", 1607], ["naps", 1607], ["napped", 1607], ["long", 1614], ["longs", 1614], ["think", 1634], ["thinkest", 1634], ["thought", 1634], ["hour", 1659], ["old", 1663], ["good", 1692], ["use", 1711], ["get", 1744], ["got", 1744], ["go", 1756], ["goest", 1756], ["went", 1756], ["kitchen", 1773], ["kitchens", 1773], ["take", 1782], ["taking", 1782], ["cup", 1790], ["call", 1812], ["called", 1812], ["open", 1826], ["opened", 1826], ["cabinet", 1838], ["reach", 1855], ["reached", 1855], ["another", 1867], ["voice", 1891], ["hear", 1908], ["hears", 1908], ["room", 1931], ["roomed", 1931], ["black", 1942], ["right", 1961], ["rightest", 1961], ["behind", 1968], ["jump", 1989], ["jumps", 1989], ["jumped", 1989], ["almost", 1998], ["drop", 2007], ["dropping", 2007], ["catch", 2041], ["catches", 2041], ["catched", 2041], ["hand", 2055], ["close", 2063], ["steady", 2085], ["grip", 2094], ["immediately", 2108], ["pull", 2121], ["pulled", 2121], ["grasp", 2138], ["grasped", 2138], ["grasping", 2138], ["coffeepot", 2163], ["warm", 2179], ["fill", 2189], ["fills", 2189], ["filling", 2189], ["cup", 2205], ["cups", 2205], ["noise", 2226], ["walk", 2240], ["finally", 2257], ["flatly", 2269], ["whistle", 2290], ["sneak", 2313], ["sneakest", 2313], ["moment", 2397], ["remind", 2410], ["reminded", 2410], ["vividly", 2422], ["penthouse", 2469], ["balcony", 2477], ["sex", 2489], ["kiss", 2548], ["kisses", 2548], ["kissest", 2548], ["time", 2566], ["nothing", 2623], ["piece", 2635], ["pieced", 2635], ["ass", 2642], ["seduce", 2685], ["seducing", 2685], ["seduced", 2685], ["sheer", 2694], ["sheering", 2694], ["pleasure", 2703], ["course", 2725], ["afternoon", 2742], ["build", 2748], ["builds", 2748], ["built", 2748], ["mind", 2766], ["minding", 2766], ["feel", 2837], ["felt", 2837], ["scald", 2845], ["scalds", 2845], ["scalded", 2845], ["humiliation", 2864], ["rejection", 2881], ["set", 2891], ["take", 2913], ["took", 2913], ["slow", 2920], ["steady", 2932], ["steadying", 2932], ["think", 2952], ["thinkest", 2952], ["left", 2969], ["leave", 2969], ["baldly", 2990], ["kiss", 3012], ["kisses", 3012], ["kissest", 3012], ["kissed", 3012], ["last", 3021], ["night", 3027], ["shrewd", 3052], ["study", 3066], ["studied", 3066], ["know", 3130], ["knowest", 3130], ["since", 3160], ["wreck", 3170], ["hell", 3196], ["hells", 3196], ["know", 3206], ["knowest", 3206], ["knew", 3206], ["keep", 3232], ["keepest", 3232], ["keeping", 3232], ["tab", 3237], ["tabs", 3237], ["tabbed", 3237], ["alone", 3287], ["good", 3303], ["best", 3303], ["decision", 3341], ["decisions", 3341], ["come", 3355], ["comes", 3355], ["man", 3362], ["mans", 3362], ["manned", 3362], ["men", 3362], ["ask", 3383], ["asking", 3383], ["decision", 3408], ["eat", 3426], ["always", 3455], ["pancake", 3471], ["restaurant", 3482], ["tone", 3496], ["toned", 3496], ["toning", 3496], ["mild", 3505], ["guard", 3560], ["lull", 3587], ["lulls", 3587], ["lulling", 3587], ["lulled", 3587], ["false", 3600], ["sense", 3606], ["safety", 3616], ["dangerous", 3632], ["problem", 3676], ["thing", 3706], ["safe", 3720], ["safes", 3720], ["safed", 3720], ["man", 3734], ["mans", 3734], ["manned", 3734], ["least", 3745], ["leastest", 3745], ["reason", 3775], ["reasonest", 3775], ["lay", 3788], ["lie", 3788], ["lain", 3788], ["much", 3796], ["within", 3803], ["answer", 3860], ["answeres", 3860], ["answerest", 3860], ["question", 3873], ["ask", 3881], ["froze", 3896], ["frozen", 3896], ["freeze", 3896], ["freezing", 3896], ["furious", 3906], ["offer", 3937], ["resist", 3964], ["resistest", 3964], ["intellectually", 3998], ["stay", 4023], ["far", 4027], ["away", 4038], ["dangle", 4068], ["opportunity", 4084], ["find", 4092], ["hawk", 4162], ["hawks", 4162], ["hawked", 4162], ["hawking", 4162], ["bunny", 4173], ["rabbit", 4180], ["watch", 4193], ["watched", 4193], ["glitter", 4223], ["glittering", 4223], ["eye", 4235], ["eyed", 4235], ["eyes", 4235], ["quirk", 4248], ["quirks", 4248], ["corner", 4260], ["corners", 4260], ["damn", 4296], ["damned", 4296], ["attractive", 4307], ["normally", 4351], ["blank", 4357], ["blanks", 4357], ["expression", 4368], ["banish", 4377], ["banishest", 4377], ["banished", 4377], ["quiver", 4406], ["quiverest", 4406], ["quivered", 4406], ["strength", 4424], ["pull", 4436]]
so what if we like fancy things . you 're the one being a snob right now , judging my family on what we have , '' he said accusingly . his words worked like a charm . she hung her head down in shame and just nodded at him . it was almost enough to give him a pinch of guilt but at least he was getting what he wanted . and one thing that amy needed to learn about him was that he always got what he wanted . lucas came around the car and helped her out . he placed her arm in his and half pulled her up the large staircase . she 'd come to the mansion for her job interview so at least she did n't have to be quite as intimidated . even though she 'd been there before her breath was still taken away by the beauty of it all . she was sure that kings would be impressed with the house . it was grander than a castle . lucas led her through the foyer and into the back . she heard laughter even before they opened up some massive doors somewhere in the middle of the place . `` you finally made it here . what did you do , take the scenic route ? i 've been here for a half hour already and i was n't the one driving the race car . '' alex came up and nudged his brother in the ribs . `` all is forgiven though since you brought my beautiful future bride . how you doing gorgeous ? we 've been apart far too long already . do you want to run away with me to vegas and get married ? '' he joked with her . he threw his arm around her and dragged her over for a drink . lucas shook his head and rolled his eyes . he knew his brother was even more afraid of marriage than he was himself . he was still going to keep an eye on her though because if anyone could change his brother from committed playboy to a happily married man , it would be amy . he was going to make sure and stake his claim , so that both his brothers knew that amy was n't on the market . he was amazed at the jealousy coursing through him . he 'd never felt that way with any other woman he 'd dated . if a woman he was dating wanted to run off with one of his brothers he would have gladly said goodbye . not that it would 've been an issue , as neither of his brothers would ever trespass on the others ' woman . they had a code among them and would never break it . you just did n't try and steal your brother 's girl . now , on the other hand making one of said brothers jealous was a whole other issue and each of the guys loved to push buttons . he started to walk over to take his woman , umm , employee back when esther saved him from doing just that . `` now alex you leave this girl alone . you 're flirting shamelessly and embarrassing her . how are you doing hunny ? '' `` i 'm doing just great . i 'm really getting that computer program down and i do n't think i will have to call you at all on monday . today is just another speed bump . nothing to worry about , '' amy told esther with a brave face . lucas could see she was n't used to having people worry about her , or love her for that matter . she would have to get used to both . employees of the andersons were considered family . her days of bearing the weight of the world on her own shoulders had ended . `` i know you 're doing great at work . i meant how are you doing with your life ? i heard about your place , '' she said sympathetically . before amy knew what was happening she was engulfed in a hug . `` now do n't you be afraid to ask for help once in a while . we 'll be getting to know each other well and this family takes care of the people they love , '' she said . she visited a bit and then stepped away to talk with some other people in the room . `` amy , i 'm so glad you 're here . we have much to talk about but that will come later . i 'm sure you 've noticed all these people milling around . '' joseph 's enthusiasm made amy jump a bit . he continued on before she had a chance to say one word . `` today 's my amazing wife 's birthday and we all come together to celebrate this beautiful woman 's entrance into the world . come , come , i want you to meet her , along with some others . i 've told her all about our newest employee , '' he finished . he placed her arm in his and she had to jog a little bit to keep up with him . he may have retired from being president , but he 'd built the company and was still very much invested and she noticed he spoke with affection when bringing the business up .	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["racing", 1124], ["alex", 1138], ["nudge", 1157], ["nudges", 1157], ["nudged", 1157], ["brother", 1169], ["brethren", 1169], ["rib", 1181], ["ribs", 1181], ["forgive", 1202], ["forgived", 1202], ["forgiving", 1202], ["forgiven", 1202], ["since", 1215], ["bring", 1227], ["brought", 1227], ["beautiful", 1240], ["beautifulest", 1240], ["future", 1247], ["bride", 1253], ["gorgeous", 1278], ["apart", 1298], ["far", 1302], ["long", 1311], ["longs", 1311], ["run", 1340], ["vegas", 1362], ["get", 1370], ["married", 1378], ["joke", 1392], ["jokes", 1392], ["joked", 1392], ["throw", 1412], ["threw", 1412], ["drag", 1443], ["dragged", 1443], ["drank", 1464], ["drink", 1464], ["drinking", 1464], ["shake", 1478], ["shook", 1478], ["roll", 1498], ["rolled", 1498], ["eye", 1507], ["eyed", 1507], ["eyes", 1507], ["know", 1517], ["knowest", 1517], ["knew", 1517], ["afraid", 1550], ["marriage", 1562], ["go", 1603], ["goest", 1603], ["going", 1603], ["keep", 1611], ["keepest", 1611], ["eye", 1618], ["eyed", 1618], ["anyone", 1650], ["change", 1663], ["playboy", 1698], ["happily", 1711], ["man", 1723], ["mans", 1723], ["manned", 1723], ["stake", 1779], ["claim", 1789], ["brother", 1817], ["brethren", 1817], ["brothers", 1817], ["market", 1853], ["amazed", 1869], ["jealousy", 1885], ["jealousies", 1885], ["course", 1894], ["coursing", 1894], ["never", 1920], ["feel", 1925], ["felt", 1925], ["way", 1934], ["ways", 1934], ["woman", 1955], ["womans", 1955], ["date", 1967], ["dated", 1967], ["date", 1994], ["dating", 1994], ["gladly", 2058], ["goodbye", 2071], ["goodbyes", 2071], ["issue", 2109], ["neither", 2122], ["ever", 2149], ["everest", 2149], ["trespass", 2158], ["trespasses", 2158], ["trespassest", 2158], ["code", 2198], ["among", 2204], ["break", 2231], ["broke", 2231], ["try", 2257], ["tryed", 2257], ["steal", 2267], ["stole", 2267], ["girl", 2288], ["hand", 2314], ["jealous", 2350], ["whole", 2362], ["wholes", 2362], ["guy", 2395], ["guys", 2395], ["love", 2401], ["loved", 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["enthusiasm", 3782], ["jump", 3796], ["jumps", 3796], ["continue", 3817], ["continued", 3817], ["chance", 3844], ["chanced", 3844], ["chancing", 3844], ["say", 3851], ["sayest", 3851], ["word", 3860], ["amazing", 3885], ["wife", 3890], ["birthday", 3902], ["together", 3927], ["celebrate", 3940], ["entrance", 3973], ["entrancing", 3973], ["meet", 4023], ["meeted", 4023], ["along", 4035], ["new", 4090], ["newest", 4090], ["finish", 4116], ["finished", 4116], ["jog", 4162], ["jogs", 4162], ["little", 4171], ["may", 4204], ["mays", 4204], ["mayest", 4204], ["retire", 4217], ["retired", 4217], ["president", 4238], ["build", 4256], ["builds", 4256], ["built", 4256], ["company", 4268], ["companys", 4268], ["companying", 4268], ["invest", 4301], ["invested", 4301], ["speak", 4326], ["spoken", 4326], ["spoke", 4326], ["affection", 4341], ["bring", 4355], ["bringing", 4355], ["business", 4368]]
`` well , as to that , '' he said , in answer to my questions , `` as a young man , i had a small practice in edinburgh . with lace curtains in the window , and a shiny brass plate by the door , with my name inscribed upon it . but i grew rather tired of making wills and drawing up conveyances , and seeing the same faces in the street , day after day . so i left , '' he said simply . he had purchased a horse and some supplies and set off , with no idea where he was going , or what to do once he got there . `` ye see , i must confess , '' he said , dabbing his nose primly with a monogrammed handkerchief , `` to something of a taste for ... adventure . however , neither my stature nor my family background had fitted me for the life of highwayman or seafarer , which were the most adventurous occupations i could envision at the time . as an alternative , i determined that my best path lay upward , into the highlands . i thought that in time i might perhaps induce some clan chieftain to , well , to allow me to serve him in some way . '' and in the course of his travels , he had in fact encountered such a chieftain . `` jacob mackenzie , '' he said , with a fond , reminiscent smile . `` and a wicked , red auld rascal he was . '' mr. gowan nodded toward the front of the line , where jamie mactavish 's bright hair blazed in the mist . `` his grandson 's verra like him , ye ken . we met first at the point of a pistol , jacob and i , as he was robbing me . i yielded my horse and my bags with good grace , having little other choice . but i believe he was a bit taken aback when i insisted upon accompanying him , on foot if necessary . '' `` jacob mackenzie . that would be colum and dougal 's father ? '' the elderly lawyer nodded . of course , he was not laird then . that happened a few years later ... with a very small bit of assistance from me , '' he added modestly . `` things were less ... civilized then , '' he said nostalgically . `` oh , were they ? '' `` and colum , er , inherited you , so to speak ? '' `` something of the kind , '' mr. gowan said . `` there was a wee bit o ' confusion when jacob died , d 'ye see . colum was heir to leoch , to be sure , but he ... '' the lawyer paused , looking ahead and behind to see that no one was close enough to listen . the man-at-arms had ridden forward , though , to catch up with some of his mates , and a good four lengths separated us from the wagon-driver behind . `` colum was a whole man to the age of eighteen or so , '' he resumed his story , `` and gave promise to be a fine leader . he took letitia to wife as part of an alliance with the camerons-i drew up the marriage contract , '' he added , as a footnote , `` but soon after the marriage he had a bad fall , during a raid . broke the long bone of his thigh , and it mended poorly . '' it would have , of course . `` and then , '' mr. gowan went on with a sigh , `` he rose from his bed too soon , and took a tumble down the stairs that broke the other leg . he lay in his bed close on a year , but it soon became clear that the damage was permanent . and that was when jacob died , unfortunately . '' the little man paused to marshal his thoughts . he glanced ahead again , as though looking for someone . failing to find them , he settled back into the saddle . `` that was about the time there was all the fuss about his sister 's marriage too , '' he said . `` and dougal ... well , i 'm afraid dougal did not acquit himself so verra weel over that affair . otherwise , d 'ye see , dougal might have been made chief at the time , but 't was felt he 'd not the judgment for it yet . '' `` oh , there was a great stramash about it all . there were cousins and uncles and tacksmen , and a great gathering to decide the matter . '' `` but they did choose colum , after all ? '' i marveled once again at the force of personality of colum mackenzie . and , casting an eye at the withered little man who rode at my side , i rather thought colum had also had some luck in choosing his allies . `` they did , but only because the brothers stood firm together . there was nae doubt , ye see , of colum 's courage , nor yet of his mind , but only of his body . 't was clear he 'd never be able to lead his men into battle again .	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i want to break his elbow , his shoulder , and then his goddamned face . i want him to pay for the little box of goodies he sent brooke , and i want him to pay for what he did to her sister , and i want him to pay for what he did way back when that meant i 'd never be able to box professionally again . it would be so easy to pretend i did n't see the towel , and just like that , i can twist his neck and he 's dead . ... and i 'd prove to brooke that i 'm a killer . only seconds before asking her to marry me ... which is n't right . with an inhuman effort , i let go and step away . scorpion spits out blood and raises his head to look at me . i start walking away when i hear him , `` pussy , come and finish me ! '' i turn and slam my fist down , hard enough to knock him unconscious . the announcer 's yell reverberates across the arena . the crowd stands with a roar , and i immediately search the stands for brooke . i 'm fking hungry for her . for the acceptance i see in her eyes , the joy . i want to see that she 's proud of me , and i want her to know i would kill him . i would maim , destroy , do anything , for her . but i also wo n't . her lips are curled into the sweet little smile i like , but her forehead is puckered , and she 's crying softly in her seat , the only person in the arena that 's not standing . i 'm barely aware of my arm being raised as a kernel of fear settles deep in my gut . `` the winner of this season 's underground championship , i give you , remington tate , riiiptide ! ! ! something 's the fk wrong . something 's the f**k wrong and the instant it hits me , i leap off the ring and charge for her , kneeling at her feet , wrapping my sweaty , bloodied arms around her . she nods , and my heart has never pounded so hard as i wipe away her tears , murmuring , `` i got you , all right ? you got me , baby , now i got you . i scoop her up in my arms , and she cuddles into me , so vulnerable and sweet as she cries into my neck . it 's too soon ... ... what if he wo n't make it ... ? `` the crowd has flocked around us , but i tuck her head under my neck and use my shoulders to bulldoze past the fans , determined to get us out of here as fast as i can as hands reach out to rub me . white roses start raining over us from the stands when the announcer speaks . fuck this is all wrong . i 'm supposed to be on my knees . she 's supposed to be happy tonight . `` at the request of our victor , who has a very special question to ask ... '' i spot the exit when the music starts playing in the background , and my heart starts pounding in a way it does n't even pound when i 'm fighting . brooke 's confusion seems to grow , and the chorus that asks what i 've wanted to ask her from the moment i held her in my arms , kissed her for the first time , and introduced myself to her , plays out loud . she was mine then . she asks me in confusion . pushing out through the exit , i tell pete , `` pull the car around , '' and i keep walking until pete screeches to a halt before us . brooke 's sister climbs up front . i tuck brooke into the back , and she keeps looking at me expectantly , watching me close the door as pete drives us out of there . i hold her face between my hands , and my heart is still galloping . this is what i want most in the world . i feel like i 've been waiting since before i was born to ask her . it 's like asking her to jump off a cliff , with me . it goes against my instinct to protect her , but my instinct to claim her overrules anything else . she 's mine , my girl . her eyes hold me , hot and pained but shining expectantly , and i hear the need in my voice when i speak , `` the song was supposed to ask you to marry me , but you 'll have to settle on me doing the asking ... '' she stares at me , her lips apart , and she 's trembling so hard , she does n't know my hands are trembling too as i squeeze her face between my hands . she exclaims , sobbing and grabbing my jaw and pressing her lips to mine , no hesitation in her answer , no worry , no concern . `` fuck baby , thank you , '' i murmur , my throat tight as i pull her to me and she buries herself against me .	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she was used to her father 's absentminded ways concerning her . their dinner date would never have been important enough to him to try to remember it and normally she would have been understanding . she often was caught up in a research project and forgot to eat or sleep or talk with others . she could hardly condemn her father for being the same way . but this time , he was going to get a well-deserved earful , and he was going to sit down and tell her everything she wanted to know about captain miller and his men , with no excuses . her chauffeur grinned unrepentantly . `` i 'll be up to the house in a few minutes . tell rosa , will you please , otherwise she 'll worry . '' lily stepped away from the car with a small wave , turning away so john could n't continue to look at her face . she knew her face had thinned , making her cheekbones stick out , and not in the complimentary way of a model . the nightmares had put dark smudges under her eyes and a droop in her shoulders . she had never been all that much to look at , with her too large eyes and her limp , and she had never been fashionably thin . her body was curvy at a young age and insisted , no matter how much exercise she did , on being truly feminine . she had never minded much before about her looks , but now ... lily closed her eyes . why could n't she have looked stunningly attractive just once ? he was so unbelievably sexy . she had never been attracted to classic handsomeness . miller was n't handsome , he was too earthy , had too much raw power . her entire body felt hot just thinking about him . and the way he looked at her ... no one had ever looked at her like that before . she slipped off her heels and stared up at the house . she loved san francisco , and living in the hills overlooking the beautiful city was a treasure she never tired of . theirs was an old world country estate , several stories high and sprawled out with balconies and terraces , giving it an elegant , romantic charm . the house had more rooms than she and her father could ever possibly use , but she loved every inch of it . the walls were thick and the spaces wide . god knew she needed one . the wind blew softly , ruffling her hair and touching her face gently . the breeze brought her a sense of comfort . after a nightmare , the impression of danger usually dissipated a few minutes after waking , but this time it lingered , an alarm that was becoming frightening . night was beginning to fall . she stared up at the skies , watching the gray threads spinning into darkening clouds overhead and floating across the moon . dusk was a soft blanket enfolding her . wisps of fog began to drift across the terraced lawns , white lace in ribbons curling around the trees and bushes . lily turned in a circle , taking in the rolling manicured lawns , the shrubbery and trees , the fountains and gardens artfully placed to please the eye . the sprawling acreage to the front was always perfectly immaculate without so much as a leaf or blade of grass put of place , but behind the house , the woods were left wild . there always seemed to her a balance in nature , a quiet and a sense of peace . her home gave her a freedom she could n't find anywhere else . lily had always been different . she had a gift-a talent , her father called it . she called it a curse . she could touch people and know their private thoughts . things not meant to be out in the open . dark secrets and forbidden desires . she had other gifts as well . her home was her one refuge , a sanctuary with walls thick enough to protect her from the assault of intense emotions bombarding her night and day . fortunately , peter whitney seemed to have natural barriers so that she could n't read him when he had tucked her into bed at night as a child . still , he had been careful of physical contact , careful the barriers in his mind held firm when she was around . and he had taken great care in finding others with natural barriers so that her home was always a sanctuary for her . the people who had cared for her became her family and were all people she could safely touch . it had never occurred to her until that moment to ask how peter whitney had known the people he hired were people his unusual daughter would be unable to read . ryland miller had been totally unexpected . she could have sworn the earth moved when she first set eyes on him . he had gifts and talents of his own . lily knew her father considered him dangerous . she sensed ryland was dangerous but she was n't certain in what way . he was probably dangerous to all women . he certainly had an effect on her body . she had to corner her father and make him listen to her for once . she needed a few answers that only he could give her .	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her husband , arthur , sat at the next table with colum , as befitted the procurator fiscal of the district , but geilie had insisted on sitting next to me , saying that she had no wish to be wearied by hearing man-talk all through supper . arthur 's deepset eyes were half-closed , blue-pouched and sunk with wine and fatigue . he leaned heavily on his forearms , face slack , ignoring the conversation of the mackenzies next to him . while the light threw the sharp-cut features of the laird and his brother into a high relief , it merely made arthur duncan look fat and ill. `` your husband is n't looking very well , '' i observed . `` has his stomach trouble got worse ? '' the symptoms were rather puzzling ; not like ulcer , i thought , nor cancer-not with that much flesh still on his bones-perhaps just chronic gastritis , as geilie insisted . she cast the briefest of glances at her spouse before turning back to me with a shrug . `` oh , he 's well enough , '' she said . `` no worse , at any rate . but what about your husband ? '' `` er , what about him ? '' she dug me familiarly in the ribs with a rather sharp elbow , and i realized that there were a fair number of bottles at her end of the table as well . `` well , what d 'ye think ? does he look as nice out of his sark as he does in it ? '' `` um ... '' i groped for an answer , as she craned her neck toward the entryway . `` and you claiming you didna care a bit for him ! cleverboots . half the girls in the castle would like to tear your hair out by the roots-i 'd be careful what i ate , if i were you . '' `` what i eat ? '' i looked down in bafflement at the wooden platter before me , empty but for a smear of grease and a forlorn boiled onion . `` poison , '' she hissed dramatically in my ear , along with a considerable wafting of brandy fumes . `` nonsense , '' i said , rather coldly , drawing away from her . `` no one would want to poison me simply because i ... well , because ... '' i was floundering a bit , and it occurred to me that i might have had a few sips more than i had realized . `` now , really , geilie . this marriage ... i did n't plan it , you know . `` it was merely a ... sort of ... necessary business arrangement , '' i said , hoping the candlelight hid my blushes . `` ha , '' she said cynically . `` i ken the look of a lass that 's been well bedded . '' she glanced toward the archway where jamie had disappeared . `` and damned if i think those are midge bites on the laddie 's neck , either . '' she raised one silver brow at me . `` if it was a business arrangement , i 'd say ye got your money 's worth . '' she leaned close again . `` about the thumbs ? '' `` thumbs ? geilie , what in god 's name are you babbling about ? '' she looked down her small , straight nose at me , frowning in concentration . the beautiful grey eyes were slightly unfocused , and i hoped she would n't fall over . `` surely ye know that ? a man 's thumbs tell ye the size of his cock . great toes , too , of course , '' she added judiciously , `` but those are harder to judge , usually , what wi ' the shoon and all . yon wee fox-cub , '' she nodded toward the archway , where jamie had just reappeared , `` he could cup a good-sized marrow in those hands of his . or a good-sized arse , hm ? '' she added , nudging me once more . `` geillis duncan , will ... you ... shut ... up ! '' i hissed , face flaming . `` someone will hear you ! '' `` oh , no one who- '' she began , but stopped , staring . jamie had passed right by our table , as though he did n't see us . his face was pale , and his lips set firmly , as though bent on some unpleasant duty . `` whatever ails him ? '' geilie asked . `` he looks like arthur after he 's eaten raw turnips . '' i pushed back the bench , hesitating . he was heading for colum 's table . plainly something had happened . geilie , peering back down the room , suddenly tugged at my sleeve , pointing in the direction from which jamie had appeared . a man stood just within the archway , hesitating even as i was . his clothes were stained with mud and dust ; a traveler of some sort . and whatever the message , he had passed it on to jamie , who was even now bending to whisper it in colum 's ear . no , not colum .	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trying not to grit his teeth , he lifted the lid on the dishes , then pointed at the bed . slowly , she sat back against a stack of fluffy white pillows and took the plate . their gazes met before hers skittered away . holding in a curse , jason gave her a fork . when she grabbed the far end , refusing to even brush his fingers , his lips tightened . if she had a new aversion to touching him , he 'd quickly put a stop to it . plate in hand , he sat back on the bed against the grouping of pillows , leaning against the headboard beside her . digging his fork into his rice , he did his best to focus on the food and act as if nothing happening between them bothered him in the least . `` so , you 've been dealing with your family . tell me about the progress you 've made in bringing your brother 's killer to justice . '' gia tensed . `` there has n't been any . my brother 's former partner initially pointed the finger at a thug named ricky wayman . a few days later , he recanted and claimed he was n't sure , but i know better . patrick was either scared off or paid off . the day before my brother died , he told my dad that he knew ricky had something big going down and he intended to stop it . tony died on ricky 's turf , so i know damn well who shot my brother . '' `` no one has arrested wayman ? '' `` they have n't even brought him in for questioning . '' and that obviously infuriated her . `` do n't the police usually go all out to hunt down a cop killer ? '' something cynical and mad as hell twisted her delicate features . wayman 's got a sick rep and a lot of firepower . '' fingers gripping her plate until her knuckles turned white , she drew in an angry breath . `` i think the brass is already convinced it 's an unwinnable war and it would cost too many lives to bring this one punk to justice . he takes out a lot of other criminals , so ... '' `` they let him slide . '' jason turned her words over in his head , angry on her behalf . not only did someone as principled as gia want the badges she worked with to do their jobs and put criminals behind bars , she expected it . she 'd been disillusioned by their failure to act . `` totally , '' she confirmed , no longer eating . jason knew damn well how his wife had been spending her time this past year . since she had n't gotten the help she needed from her fellow officers , she 'd refused to give up on justice for her brother . `` so you 've spent all your free time tracking wayman down yourself and trying to prove his guilt , even after i had you put behind a desk . '' he sent her a speculative stare . `` your parents do n't know , do they ? '' with a roll of her eyes , she admitted , `` my dad tried to make me promise that i would n't go after wayman alone , but my mom is so grief stricken . i have to try and give her whatever comfort i can . that killer behind bars would help . '' drawing in a deep breath , jason tried to pull back on his anger . gia 's sense of good and right would n't allow her to sit this manhunt out . funny how the determination and rectitude that had drawn him to her had become the very things he wanted to throttle her for . `` it 's hard to see people you care for in pain , is n't it ? '' jason could n't agree more , and though logic told him that her circumstances should n't matter , he could n't ignore her anguish . `` eat your dinner before it gets cold . '' she exhaled and seemed to deflate altogether . `` that is n't a request . '' he sent her a stern glare . and people always obey you . '' `` generally , yes . i wo n't apologize for it , especially when it 's for your well-being . '' and jason refused to say another word until she 'd consumed at least half of the food on her plate , even giving him a low moan at the tastiness of the bread . when they 'd finished , he took her plate and padded downstairs , leaving the dishes in the sink . his maid would be in come morning to take care of the mess . he pulled the refrigerator open and lifted one large crystal cup , then grabbed a single spoon from the drawer and headed back upstairs , mentally weighing the evening 's events . as he made his way to the bedroom again , he was unpleasantly surprised to find gia no longer in his bed . after setting the items he held aside , he visually swept the room and sighed in relief . she stood at the window and stared out , looking at the sky lit night and the urban sprawl giving way to suburbia farther north . his wife might be physically in the room with him , but she was really a million miles away .	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after so many years of independence the extent of her neediness now took her unawares , like the deep-seated emotion she felt for this man . she did n't know when she had begun to love harry , only that she did . it was no young girl 's infatuation this time , but a lifelong passion . to lose him would be to lose a part of herself . they strolled in companionable silence for a while , enjoying the relative novelty of a dry evening . the air was clear , scrubbed clean of haze and smelling pleasantly of wet earth and vegetation and wood smoke . the light was fading now and , when they reached the local plaza , lanterns had already been lit . as harry had predicted the cessation of the rain had brought others out of doors for the customary evening stroll . above them the sinking sun laced the clouds with streaks of red and gold . harry eyed it with increasing optimism . 'i think this might well clear by morning . ' 'will you be strong enough to resume the journey by then ? ' 'i shall be quite able to do so . ' it wo n't matter if you want to leave it a little longer . ' 'what matters is to reach cadiz and find sanchez . ' 'all the same , ' he said , 'you 've had a nasty experience . ' 'thanks to you it was n't much worse . ' 'i once failed two people who trusted me . i 'll not let that happen again . ' 'what happened to belen was not your fault , harry . ' 'nor was captain radcliffe 's death . ' it stopped him in his tracks and , drawing her aside , he fixed her with a piercing stare . 'what do you know of radcliffe ? ' had she ruined everything with yet another inappropriate remark ? it was too late to retract it now . the only way was forwards . with a calm she was far from feeling , she met his eye . 'jack told me what happened . ' 'did he indeed ? ' 'you must not be angry with him - it was i who solicited for answers . ' 'after you told me about badajoz i guessed there were still things that had been left unsaid . ' 'with good reason . ' 'i wanted to understand and jack was the key . ' 'jack only knows part of the truth . ' 'he told me that you risked your own life to try and save your friend . there 's nothing shameful in that . ' 'it was not enough . ' 'the odds were overwhelming and those men were crazy with drink and bloodlust . ' 'nothing would have stopped them . i was there , harry , and i know this for truth . it was the stuff of nightmares . ' 'do you still dream about it ? ' 'i did not understand the meaning of nightmare until badajoz . ' 'it was a miracle that those men did not kill you too . ' 'but for jack they would have done . for a long time i wished they had . ' 'john radcliffe was a fine officer and one of the most decent men i ever met . i was privileged to know him and to be numbered among his friends . ' 'if he was all you say , he would not wish you to carry a burden of blame for what happened . ' 'even so ... ' 'what if things had been the other way round ? would you have blamed him ? ' 'well , then , why do you continue to blame yourself ? ' 'radcliffe 's death is the least of my guilt , ' he replied . 'i know you do n't . ' his expression sent a chill through her , but having come so far she was not prepared to duck the issue any more . too much depended on it . 'i want to , harry . ' 'i warn you now , it is n't pretty . ' her gaze burned into his . 'the past is n't pretty ? no one knows that better than i , but if you want us to have the future you spoke of , we have to face the truth no matter how ugly it is . ' elena waited , her eyes never wavering from his . 'the shock of radcliffe 's murder was profound , yet by the end of that night what i felt was not grief . it was bitter resentment . he was the reason i could not save belen . if i had gone straight to the house i might have got her out , but as those brutes attacked him , he called out my name , you see . ' 'so i stopped to help him . ' 'you could not have done anything else . you could not leave your friend to die . ' 'and yet afterwards i wished i had . ' 'i would have sacrificed my best friend to save belen . ' elena paled , trying and failing to find the right words , as her mind wrestled with the implications of what she had just heard . harry , seeing her expression , thought he understood it . 'now you know what kind of man you have married . ' 'you did the honourable thing and still lost two people whom you loved .	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`` by no means conclusive evidence of death by asphyxia , '' blaney said flatly . `` you should know that , detective . this how he was found ? on his back this way ? '' `` according to the daughter . '' `` could n't have accidentally smothered then , could he ? '' `` you have any reason to disbelieve her ? '' `` just the blood spots . and the blue feet . '' do we have blue feet as well ? '' blaney asked , and looked toward the foot of the bed . `` are we suspecting death by hanging then ? `` the daughter says he had a history of heart disease , '' carella said . `` maybe it was heart failure . blaney asked the dead man 's feet . `` let 's see what else we 've got here , shall we ? '' he said , and threw back the blanket . the dead man was wearing a white shirt open at the throat , gray flannel trousers fastened with a black belt . `` goes to bed with all his clothes on , i see , '' blaney said dryly . `` barefoot though , '' carella said . blaney grunted , unbuttoned the shirt , and slid a stethoscope onto the dead man 's chest , not expecting to find a heart beat , and not surprised when he did n't . he removed all the man 's garments - he was also wearing striped boxer shorts - and noticed at once the grayish-blue coloration of the corpse 's legs , forearms , and hands . `` if he was hanged , '' he told carella , `` and i 'm not saying he was , then it was in an upright position . and he was moved to the bed here , and i 'm not saying he was , then it was n't too soon after he died . otherwise the postmortem lividity would have faded from the extremities and moved to the back and buttocks . let 's take a look , '' he said and rolled the dead man onto his side . his back was pale , his ass as white as a full moon . `` nope , '' he said , and rolled the corpse onto his back again . the man 's penis was swollen and distended . `` postmortem lividity , '' blaney explained . `` settling of tissue fluids . '' there were dried stains in the corpse 's undershorts . `` probably semen , '' blaney said . `` we do n't know why , but a seminal discharge is commonplace in cases of asphyxia . has nothing whatever to do with any sexual activity . rigor mortis in the seminal vesicles causes it . '' he looked at carella . carella merely nodded . `` no rope burns , '' blaney said , examining the neck , `` no imprint of a noose , no blisters from pinching or squeezing of the skin . a knot may have caused this , '' he said , indicating a small bruise under the chin . `` did you find any kind of noose ? '' `` we have n't really made a search yet , '' carella said . `` well , it certainly looks like a hanging , '' blaney said , `` but who knows ? '' carella echoed , as if they were going through a familiar vaudeville routine . `` if i were you , i 'd talk to the daughter some more , '' blaney said . `` let 's see what the autopsy shows . meanwhile , he 's dead and he 's yours . '' the mobile crime unit arrived some ten minutes later , after the body and blaney were both gone . carella told them to keep a special lookout for fibers . the chief technician told him they were always on the lookout for fibers , what did he mean by a special lookout ? carella cut his eyes toward where meyer was talking to cynthia keating across the room . the chief technician still did n't know why a special lookout for fibers was necessary , but he did n't ask carella anything else . the mandatory date for turning on the heat in this city was october fifteenth - birthdate of great men , carella thought , but did not say . this was already the twenty-ninth but too many buildings took their time complying with the law . the rain and the falling temperature outside combined to make it a little chilly in the apartment . the technicians , who had just come in from the cold , kept their coats on . carella put his coat back on before ambling over to where meyer was idly and casually chatting up the dead man 's daughter . they both wanted to know if she 'd found the body exactly where she 'd said she 'd found it , but they were n't asking that just yet . `` ... or did you just drop by ? '' `` he knew i was coming . '' `` did he know what time ? '' i just said i 'd be by sometime this morning . '' `` but he was still in bed when you got here ? '' the key question . no hesitation on her part . `` wearing all his clothes ? 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nik pats his lap . i lower myself and sit sideways on him . he lifts my hair , puts his mouth to my ear and says , `` i 'm sorry for putting you on the spot , honey . if i knew it would make you uncomfortable i would never have asked that question . '' i put a hand on his chest and with a smile say , `` that 's okay niki . i ca n't deny it . '' i lift my drink to sip at it and miss my mouth completely . i may be a little more than tipsy . i spill my drink down the front of nik 's shirt . i trill , `` holy buckets ! i 'm so sorry , nik . '' i use my hand to wipe the drink off his shirt but all i do is smear the bright orange liquid over even more of it . he takes my hands and i look up at him . he 's smiling hard at me , dimple and all . he says , `` i keep a spare shirt in my office . i move off his lap and as he goes to move away i hold on to his hand . nik smiles and pulls me closer to him . `` c'mon , honey . '' he leads me into a hall behind the bar and opens the door . it opens opposite the 'chill out ' room . i follow him to his office and he starts unbuttoning his shirt . i know i should look away but i 'm a bit drunk and i want to see what he 's got hiding there . he has all the buttons down the front open and he 's working on the sleeves . he asks , `` can you please get my other shirt from over there ? '' he nods to the clothes hanger in the corner . i grab the freshly laundered garment and take off the wrapper . underneath is the silk lilac shirt he was wearing the day we met . i state , `` you were wearing this the day i met you . '' he smirks and says softly , `` i know . '' then he takes off his wet shirt . nik is even better looking without a shirt . his abs are clearly defined . he has a small smatter of chest hair . his arms are amazing ! they 're muscular and have veins running up them . he has tattoos , too . his jeans fall low on his hips . on his right hip is a tattoo of a cross . on his right bicep is a large printed tattoo that looks like xaoc . he 's removed his watch . his wrist has a tattoo on the inside . it says ceecee . aww , i love ceecee , too ! behind his left ear is a tribal tattoo that comes down to his neck . still shirtless , he turns and i think i gasp out loud . his entire back is tattooed . one big picture . it 's a bit scary actually . there are seven blank eyed angels up in the clouds holding swords of flame . they 're fighting off five devil-like creatures with horns on their heads and pointy tails that are reaching in to the clouds . it literally gives me shivers . nik breaks me out of my spell when he pulls the lilac shirt on . once he 's buttoned up he holds out his hand , i take it and we exit his office . as we make our way down the hall nik stops suddenly . he puts a finger to his mouth and i quiet myself . there are banging noises coming from the opposite end of the hall . we tiptoe to the conference room and the noise get louder . bang-clink-moan-thump-groan nik smirks and puts his ear to the door . his body shakes with silent laughter and he motions for me to come closer . eyes wide , i put my ear to the door and listen . thump-clink-bang . moan-groan . you 're amazing ! '' `` i still hate you . ooooh . '' `` i hate you too , pretty girl . '' `` fuck me , do that again . '' it 's nat . i look up to nik with a hand over my mouth . his eyes are dancing . he mouths , `` ghost . '' ghost moans again then says , `` say my name , pretty girl . '' thump-bang-thump . nat groans , `` ghost ! fuck me , ghost ! '' bang-clink-thump . `` no baby , say my name . '' clink-bang-moan . nat pants , `` ash- asher ! oh god , ash ... harder ash . '' groan-thump-bang . ghost states , `` any harder and i 'll put you through the fuckin ' table ! '' moan-clink-groan . i giggle and nik bursts into silent laughter . he pulls me back to his office , closes the door and we laugh hysterically . my best friend is shtupping broody ghost ! nik has his arms around my waist .	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1683], ["abs", 1701], ["clearly", 1713], ["define", 1721], ["defined", 1721], ["small", 1738], ["smatter", 1746], ["arm", 1771], ["arms", 1771], ["amazing", 1783], ["muscular", 1803], ["vein", 1818], ["veins", 1818], ["run", 1826], ["running", 1826], ["tattoo", 1851], ["tattoos", 1851], ["tattooing", 1851], ["jean", 1869], ["jeans", 1869], ["fall", 1874], ["falls", 1874], ["low", 1878], ["lowed", 1878], ["hip", 1890], ["hips", 1890], ["right", 1905], ["rightest", 1905], ["hip", 1909], ["hips", 1909], ["tattoo", 1921], ["tattoos", 1921], ["tattooing", 1921], ["cross", 1932], ["crossing", 1932], ["bicep", 1953], ["biceps", 1953], ["large", 1964], ["print", 1972], ["printed", 1972], ["look", 1990], ["looks", 1990], ["like", 1995], ["remove", 2016], ["removed", 2016], ["watch", 2026], ["wrist", 2038], ["inside", 2065], ["love", 2097], ["left", 2128], ["tribal", 2144], ["come", 2162], ["comes", 2162], ["neck", 2179], ["necked", 2179], ["still", 2187], ["shirtless", 2197], ["turn", 2208], 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she placed the plate on the mattress on top of the pad of paper with the information he 'd written down , though he was pretty sure she 'd given it a quick glance before covering it . with any luck , she had a photographic memory . with even more luck , he 'd notice later that the slip of paper had moved from the bed into her purse . her purse , he thought . women 's purses were notorious for storing information-probably more than a computer 's hard drive . not that marcus could vouch for such a thing . he 'd never had the inclination to search a woman 's purse before . it was actually a pretty despicable thing for a man to even consider doing . he could n't wait to get into della 's . `` i 'll tell you a few things about myself . '' just where , exactly , he was n't sure he could say . but it was farther down the road than they 'd been a few minutes ago . he wished he could see farther still , to find out if the road was a long and winding one with hills and valleys and magnificent vistas , or if it ended abruptly in a dead end where a bridge had washed out , and where there were burning flares and warning sirens and pylons strung with yellow tape that read caution ! then again , did he really care ? it was n't as if anything as minor as cataclysmic disaster had ever stopped him from going after what he wanted before . and he did want della . he wanted her a lot . five della tried not to notice how marcus seemed to have moved closer to her during their exchange . she could n't help noting other things , however . such as how love-tousled his dark hair was and how the shadow of beard covered the lower half of his face , both qualities evoking an air of danger about him . or maybe it was just that she realized now how very dangerous he was . how dangerous her behavior last night had been . how dangerous it was to still be with him this morning with no way to get home . not only because she was at greater risk of geoffrey discovering her absence , but also because she was beginning to feel things for marcus that she had no business feeling . things that would make it more difficult to leave him when the time came . she never , ever , should have allowed herself to succumb to her desires last night . had n't she learned the hard way how doing that led to trouble ? the last time she 'd yielded so easily to a man , her life had been left in a shambles . and egan had been nowhere near as compelling or unforgettable as marcus . `` i 'm originally from the east coast , '' she said , hoping that small snippet of information-even if it was a hugely broad one that could mean anything-would appease him . `` where on the east coast ? '' she frowned at him and repeated stubbornly , `` the east coast . '' `` that 's all i 'm giving you , marcus . do n't push or that 's the only thing you 'll learn about me . '' he opened his mouth to say more , then shut it again . he was probably recalling how she 'd told him she came from someplace hot , and he was assuming it was the latter . but he was clearly not happy about having to acquiesce to her demand . she was n't sure whether or not to confess anything about her family , mostly because she had n't seen any of them for years . even when they 'd all lived under one roof , they had n't really been much of a family . it was a sad thing to admit , but della really did n't have feelings for any of them one way or another . still , if marcus wanted information , maybe that would be the kind to give him because it would n't cost her anything emotionally . it would also potentially be misleading , since most people stayed in touch with their blood relations , so he might think she had n't traveled too far from her own . `` i have an older brother , '' she admitted . `` and a younger brother , as well . '' the first had taken off when he was sixteen and della was fourteen , and she had n't seen him since . the other , last time she 'd heard-which had been about ten years ago-had joined a gang . at the tender age of fifteen . no telling where he was now , either . on the few occasions when della thought about her brothers , she tried to convince herself that they 'd been motivated by the same things she had , and in the same way . she told herself they 'd gotten out of the old neighborhood and found better lives , just as she had . sometimes she even believed herself . but more often , she feared they had screwed up everything in their lives , too , the same way she had . `` nieces and nephews ? '' she only shook her head in response to that . to her , the gesture meant i do n't know . to marcus , let it mean whatever he wanted it to . `` any injuries sustained as a child ? ''	[["place", 10], ["placed", 10], ["plate", 20], ["plating", 20], ["mattress", 36], ["mattresses", 36], ["top", 43], ["pad", 54], ["padding", 54], ["paper", 63], ["information", 84], ["write", 98], ["writing", 98], ["written", 98], ["though", 112], ["pretty", 126], ["prettiest", 126], ["sure", 131], ["give", 144], ["given", 144], ["quick", 155], ["glance", 162], ["cover", 178], ["covering", 178], ["luck", 197], ["photographic", 222], ["memory", 229], ["memories", 229], ["even", 241], ["evens", 241], ["notice", 266], ["later", 272], ["slip", 286], ["move", 305], ["moved", 305], ["bed", 318], ["purse", 333], ["think", 358], ["thinkest", 358], ["thought", 358], ["woman", 366], ["womans", 366], ["women", 366], ["purse", 376], ["purses", 376], ["notorious", 391], ["store", 403], ["storing", 403], ["probably", 424], ["computer", 445], ["hard", 453], ["drive", 459], ["marcus", 477], ["vouch", 489], ["thing", 506], ["never", 520], ["inclination", 540], ["search", 550], ["woman", 558], 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*** kevan stood at the edge of the cliff , looking back to the others standing behind her . she yelled over the rhythmic roar of waves against the cliff side . `` trust me , the cliff edge is enchanted ; the true cliff edge actually goes out quite a bit further than it appears . '' she stepped forward to show them , when eve reached out , grabbing her arm . kevan looked at eve with a smile . `` eve , its okay , '' she tried to reassure her , but eve was n't buying . `` kevan , it 's not real . what you 're seeing is a lie , a falsehood . '' eve pulled her back from the edge . kevan snorted with exasperation . her powers had shown her that it went out farther . `` trust me , '' eve told her . picking up a stick , she threw it . kevan 's eyes followed as it sailed through the air , and then down out of sight through what looked to be solid ground to kevan , disappearing into the water below . her entire body shook with the realization that if eve had n't stopped her , that would have been her in the water , being pulled out to sea . turning , she staggered a few steps away , before puking , with pictures of her friends and family lying dead at the base of the cliff flashing through her mind . suddenly , she did n't trust what she was seeing . entrenched in a rare moment of life , she doubted herself . `` it 's a very complex spell , mixed with enough real elements that it would be very difficult to detect , unless you are lucky enough to have a truth seeker with you , '' joseph spoke up . marcus grabbed joseph 's arm , `` so why didnt you detect it ? i would assume that is what you would do . isnt that why we asked you to come along ? '' joseph shook off the hand . `` you assume too much , general . i suggest you step back and let me work . '' marcus reacted as the good soldier he was , but he continued to scowl at the sorcerer . stepping back , the group observed joseph unroll a bundle from his backpack . the rolled bundle opened up to show multiple pockets with a variety of dried plants . joseph picked what he needed , and stood tall , crushing the dried plant with his hands , the wind dragging the smell of sage back and around them . he was disciplined and precise , each move and incantation calculated . his hands released the crushed pieces of sage into the air , and then he dug his hands into the ground , finishing his spell with volume , and tossing his fistful of dirt . they all stumbled backwards , and things began to shift . with awe and shock , the group watched the landscape fluctuated , and began to fold in on itself until it was gone . kevan stared into where she had thought she had seen the entrance to a cave , but now all she saw was a wide-open sky . the cliff was as eve had seen it . with the glamour spell gone they saw they land as it truly was . `` oh god , i could have gotten you all killed , '' kevan whispered , as she looked up at eve . `` kevan , you were fooled by a spell , which even joseph said was difficult to detect . so beating on yourself for a mistake is stupid , so just stop it . '' `` but , '' kevan tried to argue . `` no buts , '' kaitlyn interjected . what i want to know is what do we do now ? do we go back to the beginning ? '' `` it 's here , '' leila whispered as her body swayed to the feeling of intoxication and power that washed over her . her body began to vibrate , with what , she was n't sure . kevan , concerned about her , reached out to bring her back to them , only to have joseph stop her . `` but there is something wrong with her , '' kevan argued . she 's getting her first taste of the unblocked powers of either the grimoire or the repository . '' the girls all questioned . `` as you know , the claviger can channel the powers of the repository , and all that is within it . i would say that what she has recently experienced was dimmed down by the enchantment that i just broke , and now she is getting her first real taste of the power that she controls and wields . '' marcus growled at joseph . `` it could be , '' he told them casually . `` it could be ? '' kevan gasped at his blatant lack of concern . it could be dangerous , but if you would let me finish what i was going to say , josephs dislike of being interrupted rang in his voice , `` i believe she 'll be fine . her family has been the claviger for centuries . they have resisted the lure of power that the repository holds for all that time , so she should be fine now . '' `` excuse me , what about leonard ? ''	[["kevan", 9], ["stood", 15], ["stand", 15], ["standest", 15], ["edge", 27], ["edges", 27], ["cliff", 40], ["cliffs", 40], ["look", 50], ["looking", 50], ["back", 55], ["stood", 78], ["stand", 78], ["standest", 78], ["standing", 78], ["behind", 85], ["yell", 102], ["yelled", 102], ["rhythmic", 120], ["roar", 125], ["roarest", 125], ["wave", 134], ["waved", 134], ["waves", 134], ["side", 157], ["sidest", 157], ["trust", 168], ["enchant", 201], ["enchantest", 201], ["enchanting", 201], ["enchanted", 201], ["true", 212], ["go", 237], ["goest", 237], ["goes", 237], ["quite", 247], ["bit", 253], ["bits", 253], ["far", 261], ["appear", 277], ["appears", 277], ["step", 294], ["stepped", 294], ["forward", 302], ["forwardest", 302], ["forwarding", 302], ["show", 310], ["eve", 326], ["reach", 334], ["reached", 334], ["grab", 349], ["grabbing", 349], ["arm", 357], ["look", 372], ["looked", 372], ["smile", 392], ["okay", 412], ["try", 427], ["tryed", 427], ["tried", 427], ["reassure", 439], ["buy", 468], ["buyed", 468], ["buying", 468], ["reis", 496], ["real", 496], ["see", 518], ["seeing", 518], ["lay", 527], ["lie", 527], ["lain", 527], ["falsehood", 541], ["pull", 557], ["pulled", 557], ["snort", 596], ["snortest", 596], ["snorted", 596], ["exasperation", 614], ["power", 627], ["powers", 627], ["show", 637], ["shown", 637], ["go", 654], ["goest", 654], ["went", 654], ["far", 666], ["tell", 694], ["told", 694], ["pick", 708], ["picking", 708], ["stick", 719], ["stickest", 719], ["throw", 731], ["threw", 731], ["eye", 750], ["eyed", 750], ["eyes", 750], ["follow", 759], ["followed", 759], ["sail", 772], ["sailed", 772], ["air", 788], ["airs", 788], ["airing", 788], ["sight", 817], ["sighted", 817], ["solid", 849], ["ground", 856], ["disappear", 880], ["disappearing", 880], ["water", 895], ["entire", 914], ["body", 919], ["bodied", 919], ["shake", 925], ["shook", 925], ["realization", 946], ["stop", 974], ["stopped", 974], ["sea", 1044], ["turn", 1054], ["turning", 1054], ["stagger", 1070], ["staggerest", 1070], ["staggered", 1070], ["step", 1082], ["steps", 1082], ["away", 1087], ["puke", 1103], ["puking", 1103], ["picture", 1119], ["pictures", 1119], ["friend", 1134], ["friends", 1134], ["family", 1145], ["lay", 1151], ["lie", 1151], ["lain", 1151], ["lying", 1151], ["dead", 1156], ["base", 1168], ["basest", 1168], ["flash", 1190], ["flashing", 1190], ["mind", 1207], ["minding", 1207], ["suddenly", 1218], ["entrench", 1271], ["entrenched", 1271], ["rare", 1281], ["moment", 1288], ["life", 1296], ["lifes", 1296], ["doubt", 1310], ["doubted", 1310], ["complex", 1344], ["spelt", 1350], ["spell", 1350], ["mix", 1358], ["mixed", 1358], ["enough", 1370], ["element", 1384], ["elements", 1384], ["difficult", 1416], ["detect", 1426], ["detectest", 1426], ["unless", 1435], ["unlesss", 1435], ["lucky", 1449], ["truth", 1472], ["seeker", 1479], ["joseph", 1500], ["speak", 1506], ["spoken", 1506], ["spoke", 1506], ["marcus", 1518], ["grab", 1526], ["grabbed", 1526], ["assume", 1589], ["assumes", 1589], ["ask", 1640], ["asked", 1640], ["come", 1652], ["along", 1658], ["hand", 1689], ["much", 1714], ["general", 1724], ["suggest", 1736], ["step", 1745], ["let", 1758], ["lets", 1758], ["work", 1766], ["wrought", 1766], ["react", 1786], ["reacted", 1786], ["good", 1798], ["soldier", 1806], ["soldiered", 1806], ["continue", 1832], ["continued", 1832], ["scowl", 1841], ["scowls", 1841], ["scowlest", 1841], ["scowling", 1841], ["sorcerer", 1857], ["sorcerers", 1857], ["step", 1868], ["stepping", 1868], ["group", 1885], ["observe", 1894], ["observed", 1894], ["unroll", 1908], ["unrolled", 1908], ["unrolling", 1908], ["bundle", 1917], ["bundled", 1917], ["backpack", 1935], ["backpacking", 1935], ["roll", 1948], ["rolled", 1948], ["open", 1962], ["opened", 1962], ["multiple", 1982], ["pocket", 1990], ["pocketing", 1990], ["pockets", 1990], ["variety", 2005], ["dry", 2014], ["drier", 2014], ["drying", 2014], ["dried", 2014], ["plant", 2021], ["plants", 2021], ["pick", 2037], ["picked", 2037], ["need", 2052], ["needest", 2052], ["needed", 2052], ["tall", 2069], ["crush", 2080], ["crushest", 2080], ["crushing", 2080], ["plant", 2096], ["hand", 2111], ["hands", 2111], ["wind", 2122], ["drag", 2131], ["dragging", 2131], ["smell", 2141], ["smelt", 2141], ["smellest", 2141], ["sage", 2149], ["around", 2165], ["discipline", 2191], ["disciplined", 2191], ["precise", 2203], ["move", 2215], ["incantation", 2231], ["calculate", 2242], ["calculated", 2242], ["release", 2263], ["released", 2263], ["piece", 2282], ["pieced", 2282], ["pieces", 2282], ["dug", 2321], ["dig", 2321], ["digs", 2321], ["digest", 2321], ["finish", 2359], ["finishing", 2359], ["volume", 2381], ["volumed", 2381], ["toss", 2395], ["tossing", 2395], ["fistful", 2407], ["fistfuls", 2407], ["dirt", 2415], ["stumble", 2435], ["stumbled", 2435], ["backwards", 2445], ["thing", 2458], ["things", 2458], ["begin", 2464], ["began", 2464], ["shift", 2473], ["awe", 2484], ["awed", 2484], ["shock", 2494], ["watch", 2514], ["watched", 2514], ["landscape", 2528], ["fluctuate", 2539], ["fluctuated", 2539], ["fold", 2559], ["go", 2590], ["goest", 2590], ["gone", 2590], ["stare", 2605], ["stared", 2605], ["think", 2632], ["thinkest", 2632], ["thought", 2632], ["see", 2645], ["seen", 2645], ["entrance", 2658], ["entrancing", 2658], ["cave", 2668], ["see", 2690], ["saw", 2690], ["wide", 2701], ["open", 2706], ["sky", 2710], ["glamour", 2764], ["land", 2794], ["truly", 2806], ["oh", 2818], ["god", 2822], ["get", 2844], ["gotten", 2844], ["kill", 2859], ["killed", 2859], ["whisper", 2880], ["whispered", 2880], ["fool", 2935], ["foolest", 2935], ["fooling", 2935], ["fooled", 2935], ["even", 2959], ["evens", 2959], ["say", 2971], ["sayest", 2971], ["said", 2971], ["beat", 3008], ["beating", 3008], ["mistake", 3034], ["mistook", 3034], ["mistaken", 3034], ["stupid", 3044], ["stop", 3059], ["argue", 3100], ["kaitlyn", 3126], ["interject", 3138], ["know", 3160], ["knowest", 3160], ["go", 3192], ["goest", 3192], ["beginning", 3214], ["leila", 3244], ["sway", 3273], ["swayed", 3273], ["feeling", 3288], ["intoxication", 3304], ["power", 3314], ["wash", 3326], ["washed", 3326], ["vibrate", 3363], ["sure", 3394], ["bring", 3447], ["wrong", 3529], ["argue", 3556], ["argued", 3556], ["get", 3573], ["getting", 3573], ["first", 3583], ["firstest", 3583], ["taste", 3589], ["either", 3623], ["grimoire", 3636], ["repository", 3654], ["girl", 3669], ["girls", 3669], ["question", 3684], ["questioned", 3684], ["claviger", 3716], ["channel", 3728], ["channelest", 3728], ["within", 3782], ["say", 3799], ["sayest", 3799], ["recently", 3826], ["experience", 3838], ["experienced", 3838], ["dim", 3849], ["dimmed", 3849], ["enchantment", 3873], ["break", 3891], ["broke", 3891], ["control", 3968], ["controls", 3968], ["wield", 3979], ["wielding", 3979], ["wields", 3979], ["growl", 3999], ["growls", 3999], ["growled", 3999], ["casually", 4053], ["gasp", 4088], ["gasps", 4088], ["gasped", 4088], ["blatant", 4103], ["lack", 4108], ["concern", 4119], ["concerned", 4119], ["concernest", 4119], ["dangerous", 4143], ["finish", 4176], ["go", 4193], ["goest", 4193], ["going", 4193], ["joseph", 4210], ["dislike", 4218], ["dislikes", 4218], ["interrupt", 4239], ["interruptest", 4239], ["interrupted", 4239], ["voice", 4257], ["believe", 4272], ["fine", 4288], ["century", 4337], ["centuries", 4337], ["resist", 4358], ["resistest", 4358], ["resisted", 4358], ["lure", 4367], ["hold", 4402], ["holds", 4402], ["time", 4420], ["excuse", 4463], ["leonard", 4487]]
she began to shake in earnest when his arms enfolded her and his hands molded both brsts , plumping them to their best advantage , showing each man what could be his if he was willing to pay a high enough price . he tweaked her nples , rolling them between his thumb and forefinger until they were tight and throbbing . the bidding started and immediately , hands went up . for the first several minutes there was a flurry of bidding as the price increased . then , as it grew higher , only a few men remained , each determined to outbid the other . she could n't see him even though she searched frantically among the crowd . forgotten was her fantasy , and that she 'd penned this part and knew well how it should end . her only thought was that she could n't find damon , that he 'd somehow left her to the mercy of another . finally it was down to two men . as one raised his hand to raise the bid , the other remained silent . the announcer paused and then said , `` going once ... '' serena held her breath , her body rigid against her keeper . damon stepped forward , his demeanor calm , but determination flashed in his eyes . how easy it was to forget this was a carefully orchestrated charade . there were a few gasps and more than a few grumbles but no one stood forward to top the bid . she shook with excitement , with relief . her keeper pinched one nipple and uttered a command in her ear for her to be still . `` sold to damon roche , '' the announcer said . she sagged against her keeper , relief making her weak . at the same time , profuse joy flooded her . this was really happening ! she had to blink to make sure she was n't imagining it , that she was n't indulging in her fantasy from the comfort of her dreams . as her keeper walked around her , she could see the smile on his face . damon walked forward to greet her keeper ... and to claim his prize . as damon approached , her keeper pushed at her shoulders , forcing her to her knees . `` you will show your new master proper respect , '' her keeper murmured . serena sank to her knees , only too willing to please damon . she forced her gaze downward , waiting for him to command her . damon 's warm hand , so firm and strong , cupped her chin . she looked up to see him towering over her , strong , so powerful . he stroked her cheek , and she nuzzled into his palm . his touch lit fire to her insides . her skin crawled with an itchiness she had no hope of alleviating . only he could satisfy her needs now . there was magic in his touch . warm and sensual , it stoked the fires inside her , made her clt bead and pulse with an agony only he could soothe . her knees ached from her perch on the hard floor but she gave no thought to complaining or shifting her position . damon slid long fingers along her jawline before retracting his hand . his fingers fumbled at his fly as he undid his pants . `` you will look only at me , '' he said huskily as he kept his gaze connected with hers . `` yes ... '' she would n't call him keeper , for she called another man by that name , but she was n't sure what he wanted to be called . she did n't like the word . it sounded silly . not all in keeping with the very adult feelings and sensations that coursed through her body . so she settled for a quiet acknowledgment of his command and kept her gaze on him as he reached into his pants and pulled out his cock . he was achingly erect . his cck filled his hand as he pumped back and forth . the hair at his groin was dark , but trimmed close to his skin . she loved a guy who took care of himself down there . as his pants fell farther down his hips , she could see his sac bulge and flex with the movements of his hand . she wanted to touch it , feel him roll in her hand . he guided the tip to her lips and gently brushed it against her mouth . `` open for me , serena , '' he commanded . `` take me inside your mouth . '' she readily complied , and he immediately plunged deep into her mouth . like velvet on her tongue . he tasted of salt , smelled faintly of musk and leather . he worked back and forth and she sucked avidly at him , running her tongue from tip to base as he dragged his cck in and out of her mouth . he stilled for a moment and tapped her cheek with his fingers . then he tilted her head upward , his cck nearly sliding free of her lips . his gaze warned her as did his hand against her jaw . she relaxed immediately and let him take over . let him use her mouth as he wished in the manner he wanted . his hands framed her face , and he pulled her closer into his groin . he slid deep until his hairs tickled her nose . a low groan worked from his chest , and her body tightened with pleasure . she was pleasing him . harder and deeper he thrust .	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460], ["increased", 460], ["grow", 480], ["growest", 480], ["grew", 480], ["high", 487], ["man", 504], ["mans", 504], ["manned", 504], ["men", 504], ["remain", 513], ["remained", 513], ["outbid", 541], ["outbids", 541], ["outbidding", 541], ["see", 571], ["even", 580], ["evens", 580], ["though", 587], ["search", 600], ["searched", 600], ["frantically", 612], ["among", 618], ["crowd", 628], ["crowdest", 628], ["crowding", 628], ["fantasy", 656], ["pen", 681], ["penned", 681], ["part", 691], ["parting", 691], ["know", 700], ["knowest", 700], ["knew", 700], ["well", 705], ["wells", 705], ["end", 723], ["ends", 723], ["endest", 723], ["thought", 742], ["find", 770], ["damon", 776], ["somehow", 797], ["left", 802], ["leave", 802], ["mercy", 819], ["another", 830], ["finally", 840], ["two", 859], ["twos", 859], ["raise", 879], ["raised", 879], ["hand", 888], ["raise", 897], ["bid", 905], ["silent", 933], ["announcer", 949], ["pause", 956], ["paused", 956], ["say", 970], ["sayest", 970], ["said", 970], ["go", 981], ["goest", 981], ["going", 981], ["serena", 1000], ["hold", 1005], ["held", 1005], ["breath", 1016], ["breathest", 1016], ["body", 1027], ["bodied", 1027], ["rigid", 1033], ["step", 1068], ["stepped", 1068], ["forward", 1076], ["forwardest", 1076], ["forwarding", 1076], ["demeanor", 1091], ["calm", 1096], ["calms", 1096], ["determination", 1116], ["flash", 1124], ["flashed", 1124], ["eye", 1136], ["eyed", 1136], ["eyes", 1136], ["easy", 1147], ["forget", 1164], ["forgot", 1164], ["carefully", 1185], ["orchestrate", 1198], ["orchestrates", 1198], ["orchestrated", 1198], ["charade", 1206], ["gasp", 1231], ["gasps", 1231], ["grumble", 1260], ["grumbles", 1260], ["stood", 1277], ["stand", 1277], ["standest", 1277], ["top", 1292], ["shake", 1312], ["shook", 1312], ["excitement", 1328], ["relief", 1342], ["reliefs", 1342], ["pinch", 1363], ["pinched", 1363], ["nipple", 1374], ["nipples", 1374], ["utter", 1386], ["uttered", 1386], ["uttering", 1386], ["command", 1396], ["ear", 1407], ["still", 1427], ["sell", 1437], ["sells", 1437], ["sold", 1437], ["roche", 1452], ["sag", 1489], ["sagged", 1489], ["weak", 1533], ["time", 1552], ["profuse", 1562], ["joy", 1566], ["joys", 1566], ["joyed", 1566], ["flood", 1574], ["flooded", 1574], ["really", 1596], ["happen", 1606], ["happening", 1606], ["blink", 1625], ["blinked", 1625], ["sure", 1638], ["imagine", 1660], ["imagining", 1660], ["indulge", 1692], ["indulging", 1692], ["comfort", 1724], ["dream", 1738], ["dreamt", 1738], ["dreamest", 1738], ["dreams", 1738], ["walk", 1761], ["walked", 1761], ["around", 1768], ["smile", 1798], ["face", 1810], ["greet", 1842], ["greeting", 1842], ["claim", 1870], ["prize", 1880], ["approach", 1902], ["approaches", 1902], ["approached", 1902], ["push", 1922], ["pushed", 1922], ["shoulder", 1939], ["shouldered", 1939], ["shoulders", 1939], ["force", 1949], ["forcing", 1949], ["knee", 1966], ["knees", 1966], ["show", 1985], ["new", 1994], ["master", 2001], ["proper", 2008], ["respect", 2016], ["murmur", 2041], ["murmurest", 2041], ["murmured", 2041], ["sink", 2055], ["sank", 2055], ["please", 2097], ["force", 2116], ["forced", 2116], ["gaze", 2125], ["gazes", 2125], ["downward", 2134], ["downwards", 2134], ["wait", 2144], ["waitest", 2144], ["waiting", 2144], ["warm", 2183], ["firm", 2198], ["strong", 2209], ["cup", 2218], ["cupped", 2218], ["chin", 2227], ["look", 2240], ["looked", 2240], ["tower", 2263], ["towered", 2263], ["towerest", 2263], ["towering", 2263], ["powerful", 2295], ["stroke", 2308], ["stroked", 2308], ["cheek", 2318], ["cheeks", 2318], ["nuzzle", 2336], ["nuzzles", 2336], ["nuzzled", 2336], ["palm", 2350], ["palms", 2350], ["palmed", 2350], ["palmest", 2350], ["touch", 2362], ["touching", 2362], ["lit", 2366], ["light", 2366], ["fire", 2371], ["inside", 2386], ["insides", 2386], ["skin", 2397], ["crawl", 2405], ["crawled", 2405], ["itchiness", 2423], ["hope", 2439], ["satisfy", 2478], ["need", 2488], ["needest", 2488], ["needs", 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["called", 3036], ["name", 3061], ["like", 3131], ["word", 3140], ["sound", 3153], ["sounded", 3153], ["silly", 3159], ["keep", 3180], ["keepest", 3180], ["keeping", 3180], ["adult", 3200], ["feeling", 3209], ["feelings", 3209], ["sensation", 3224], ["sensations", 3224], ["course", 3237], ["coursed", 3237], ["settle", 3271], ["settled", 3271], ["quiet", 3283], ["acknowledgment", 3298], ["reach", 3352], ["reached", 3352], ["pull", 3378], ["pulled", 3378], ["cock", 3391], ["cockest", 3391], ["achingly", 3409], ["erect", 3415], ["fill", 3433], ["fills", 3433], ["filled", 3433], ["pump", 3455], ["pumped", 3455], ["back", 3460], ["forth", 3470], ["hair", 3481], ["groin", 3494], ["dark", 3503], ["trim", 3517], ["trimmer", 3517], ["trimmed", 3517], ["close", 3523], ["love", 3547], ["loved", 3547], ["guy", 3553], ["take", 3562], ["took", 3562], ["care", 3567], ["fall", 3609], ["falls", 3609], ["fell", 3609], ["far", 3617], ["hip", 3631], ["hips", 3631], ["sac", 3655], ["sacs", 3655], ["bulge", 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["dragged", 4170], ["still", 4216], ["stilled", 4216], ["moment", 4229], ["tap", 4240], ["tapped", 4240], ["tilt", 4284], ["tilting", 4284], ["tilted", 4284], ["head", 4293], ["upward", 4300], ["nearly", 4318], ["slid", 4326], ["sliding", 4326], ["free", 4331], ["warn", 4361], ["warned", 4361], ["jaw", 4397], ["jaws", 4397], ["jawed", 4397], ["jawest", 4397], ["relax", 4411], ["relaxed", 4411], ["let", 4431], ["lets", 4431], ["use", 4459], ["wish", 4482], ["wished", 4482], ["manner", 4496], ["manners", 4496], ["frame", 4525], ["framed", 4525], ["close", 4561], ["closer", 4561], ["hair", 4607], ["hairs", 4607], ["tickle", 4615], ["tickling", 4615], ["tickled", 4615], ["nose", 4624], ["nosed", 4624], ["nosing", 4624], ["low", 4632], ["lowed", 4632], ["groan", 4638], ["groans", 4638], ["groanest", 4638], ["groaning", 4638], ["chest", 4660], ["tighten", 4685], ["tightens", 4685], ["tightenest", 4685], ["tightened", 4685], ["pleasure", 4699], ["please", 4718], ["hard", 4731], ["deeply", 4742], ["thrust", 4752]]
`` simon , i really do n't think this is sensible . '' `` uh ... because your grandmother would be horrified . '' she stiffened slightly , as if she wanted to resist , but he saw his own desire reflected in her eyes . `` i 'm sure she 'd adore you . '' he really did n't want to think about the queen right now . he did n't want to think about anyone but ariella . he could deal with everyone else later . ariella shivered slightly , as anticipation rose in the air . if she did n't want to kiss him she could have leapt to her feet and darted back to the car . he waited for her to come to him , and she did . her mouth rose to meet his and they sank deep into another sensual kiss . he was almost breathless when they finally broke again . `` i could n't help that kiss at all . '' she 'd twisted into his embrace , and her n**ples peaked against her t-shirt and the bra underneath it . sometimes you just do n't have a choice . '' desire made his thoughts spin . he certainly had n't had enough champagne to feel this tipsy . he stroked the silky skin of her arm , wishing he could bare other parts of her . but he could still resist doing that-for now . `` sometimes you have to give in to forces more powerful than a mere human . '' `` you 're not a mere human , you 're a prince . '' he loved how she seemed totally natural with him , not affected or intimidated at all . `` even royalty are subject to the whims of passion . '' he traced her cheekbone with his thumb . `` which can be quite inconvenient at times . '' `` i hope there are n't any photographers hiding in the bushes . '' `` i 've learned to go to places that would never occur to them . why would a man with a large rural estate go to a popular state park ? '' `` because it has this cool stream with yellow wildflowers growing along its banks . '' her slender fingers touched the petals of a flower . how he 'd like to feel them running over his skin , or through his hair . `` that is why i come , but they do n't think like that . they expect me to go to expensive restaurants and exclusive gatherings . of course i do that as well , it 's my job , but i 've become quite skilled at doing the unexpected when i 'm off duty . i always have my driver study natural areas near wherever i 'm traveling . a man can withstand a lot more dreary meetings around a conference table if he knows there 's a bracing kayak trip waiting for him at the end of it . '' `` very cunning , and keeps you fit , too . '' `` and sane . at least as sane as i 'm going to be . '' he did n't feel terribly sane right now . he wanted to do all kinds of things that were n't sensible at all , especially not when you did them with a girl who was already in the public eye and who did n't fit the queen 's narrow ideas of what constituted a suitable consort . but no one , including the queen , was going to keep him from bedding the lovely ariella . `` i 'd really better get back to d.c . i have a busy week to plan for . '' again he felt her pulling away from him . he stood and helped her to his feet . landing a kiss on ariella 's lovely mouth was enough excitement for today . their time together had only confirmed his intuition that she was no ordinary woman . he could pace himself and wait for the right moment to claim his prize . `` i need to do some planning myself . now that i 'm staying in d.c. a while longer i want to make sure i make the most of the opportunity . '' they walked back to the pretty clearing where they 'd had their picnic . `` i 'd better think about who i want to wine and dine while i 'm here-other than you , of course . '' she bit her lip as they packed the remains of lunch back into the bags . he could see she still felt misgivings about their kiss . it was hard not to come on too strong with her when he wanted to throw her over his shoulder and take her back to his hotel . instead he helped her into the car and returned her discreetly to a location two blocks away from her apartment . from there she walked home alone , chin lifted in sweet defiance against anyone who wanted to know her business . he sank back against the back seat of the car and let out a long breath . ariella winthrop . something about her had grabbed him hard . he tried to distract himself by pulling his phone out of his pocket . he 'd had it turned off all day . a message from his younger brother henry seemed like the perfect diversion , so he punched his number . `` are you really staying over there for another week ? 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pamela lay on the pillow next to kelly the way they 'd done when they were growing up together . `` how are you and your blackstone ? '' turning on the side and facing pamela , kelly rested her head on her folded arm . people would never take her and pamela for sisters , because they looked nothing alike . her older sister was the image of their paternal grandmother : petite , delicate features , black curly hair and sable coloring . `` his name is ryan . kelly lifted her left shoulder . `` we see each other on fridays and spend the night together . we usually get back to the farm before noon on saturday . '' pamela 's waxed eyebrows wrinkled . `` you 're sleeping together off the property ? '' `` he has a four-year-old son who just happens to be my student . '' pamela mouth formed a perfect o . `` i see where you 're coming from . '' she gave kelly a long , penetrating stare . it 's just that you seem so calm - at peace with yourself . '' kelly wanted to tell pamela she was wrong . what she was feeling was n't serenity , but turmoil . she wanted to tell ryan that she loved him , but balked each time she lay in his arms . and she did love him enough to marry him and bear his children . all he had to do was open his mouth and ask her . ryan 's hand flailed out as he tried brushing away whatever it was crawling over his cheek . he moaned and turned over onto his belly . seconds later a sliver of ice trickled down his spine and he sprang off the bed , his hands bunched into fists , but was rendered immobile by an arm around his throat , cutting off his breath . `` you still have good reflexes for an old man , '' a familiar voice whispered in his ear . `` dammit , jeremy ! '' jeremy blackstone released ryan 's throat and stepped back quickly as his older brother swung at him . grinning , he winked . he had anticipated his reaction . ryan stood in the middle of his bedroom , muscular arms crossed over his bare chest . it had been more than a year since he 'd seen jeremy . he did n't look any older , but there was something about him that communicated danger . as an undercover agent for the drug enforcement administration it was obvious that he had become as hardened and dangerous as the criminals he sought to bring to justice . he was certain he had locked the door before he retired for the night . jeremy lifted a thick black eyebrow . `` you 're nothing more than a legal thug . '' thug life ai n't too bad . '' do you mind if i put some clothes on ? '' shrugging his broad shoulders , jeremy moved over and sat in an armchair . `` it does n't bother me what you wear . you happen not to be my type . '' crossing the bedroom , ryan opened a drawer and took out a pair of boxers . he slipped into them and walked over and sat down on a matching chair opposite his brother . jeremy 's pitch-black hair was longer than he had seen it in years . pulled back off his forehead and secured in a ponytail on his nape , the style provided an unfettered view of his striking olive-brown face with a pair of high cheek bones , aquiline nose , firm mouth , short dark beard and dove-gray eyes . diamond studs glittered in each ear . ryan knew jeremy had had his ears pierced when on an undercover assignment in south america , but this was the first time he could recall him wearing earrings at blackstone farms . `` i 'm out of here tomorrow night . '' `` that only gives you one day . why do you bother to come if you ca n't stay for more than a day ? '' `` now , you sound like pop . '' `` that 's because he 's right , jeremy . once you become a father you 'll understand how he feels when he does n't hear from you for months . and he has no way of knowing whether you 're dead or alive . '' `` that 's because he refuses to accept what i 've chosen to do with my life . '' `` he does n't have to accept your career . all he has to do is accept you as his son . a son he loves , a son he worries about . and maybe even a son who may one day claim his rightful place at blackstone farms . '' jeremy leaned over , resting his elbows on his knees . `` read my lips , ryan . i do n't do horses . i do n't know what has pop all bent out of shape . you 're a brilliant veterinarian rumored to be able to raise horses from the dead . '' ryan 's eyebrows lowered as he glared at jeremy . jeremy sobered quickly .	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`` did that redheaded bastard not love your mother more than life ? and love you enough to sacrifice even that love to save you ? '' she made a small , choked noise , and a pang went through him at the sound , but he would not release her . `` if you believe it of them , '' he said , his voice little more than a whisper , `` then by god you must believe it of me . for i am a man like them , and by all i hold holy , i do love you . '' slowly her head rose , and her breath was warm on his face . `` we have time , '' he said softly , and knew suddenly why it had been so important to talk to her now , here in the dark . he reached for her hand , clasped it flat against his breast . do you feel my heart beat ? '' `` yes , '' she whispered , and slowly brought their linked hands to her own breast , pressing his palm against the thin white gauze . `` this is our time , '' he said . `` until that shall stop-for one of us , for both-it is our time . will ye waste it , brianna , because you are afraid ? '' `` no , '' she said , and her voice was thick , but clear . there was a sudden thin wail from the house , and a surprising gush of moist heat against his palm . `` i have to go , '' she said , pulling away . she took two steps , then turned . `` come in , '' she said , and ran up the path in front of him , fleet and white as the ghost of a deer . by the time he reached the door , she had already fetched the baby from his cradle . she had been in bed ; the quilt was thrown back and the hollow of her body was printed on the feather bed . looking self-conscious , she sidled past him and lay down . `` i usually feed him in bed at night . he stays asleep longer if he 's next to me . '' roger made some murmur of assent , and drew up the low nursing chair before the fire . it was very warm in the room , and the air was thick with smells of cooking , used diapers-and brianna . her scent was slightly different these days ; the tang of wild grass tempered with a light , sweet smell that he thought must be milk . her head was bent , loose red hair falling over her shoulders in a cascade of sparks and shadows . the front of her gown was open to her waist , and the full round curve of one breast showed plainly , only the nipple obscured by the roundness of the baby 's head . there was a faint sound of sucking . as though feeling his eyes on her , she raised her head . `` i 'm sorry , '' he said softly , not to disturb the baby . `` i can not pretend not to be looking . '' he could n't tell if she flushed ; the fire cast a red glow over face and br**sts alike . she glanced down , though , as if she was embarrassed . `` nothing much worth looking at . '' without a word , he stood up and began to undress . her voice was low , but shocked . `` not fair for me to sit here gawking at you , is it ? it 's much less worth looking at , i expect , but ... '' he paused , frowning at a knot in the lacing of his breeches . `` but at least you 'll not feel you 're on display . '' he did n't look up to see , but he thought that had made her smile . he 'd got his shirt off ; the fire felt good on his bare back . feeling unspeakably self-conscious , he stood up and eased his breeches halfway down before stopping . `` is this a striptease ? '' brianna 's mouth quivered as she tried to keep from laughing out loud , joggling the baby . `` i could n't decide whether to turn my back or not . '' `` have you got a preference ? '' `` turn your back , '' she said softly . he did , and got the breeches off without falling into the fire . `` stay that way for a minute , '' she said . i like to look at you . '' he straightened up and stood still , looking into the fire . the heat played over him , uncomfortably warm , and he took a step back , a sudden memory of father alexandre vivid in his mind . christ , and why would he think of that now ? `` you have marks on your back , roger , '' brianna said , her voice softer than ever . he had n't bound or cut his hair ; it fell over his shoulders , tickling the bare skin of his back . he could imagine the tickle of her eyes , going lower , over back and arse and thighs and calves . `` i 'm going to turn around now . `` i wo n't be shocked , '' she assured him . `` i 've seen pictures . 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her cheekbones are high and her eyelashes rest over them , soft-tipped crescents . i just want to lie here in this bed in this darkened hotel room and drink her in all over again until i 'm drunk and high on her . i am a fking pendulum . any disturbance to my balance , and i swing . the doctors taught me this . once i swing high , nothing on earth will stop me from crashing back down . i fall by gravity . natural urge of the body to restore balance . a pendulum always seeks its balance . she 's my balance . i need her more than air . ducking my head to her neck , i breathe her in and growl . and it 's a fking crappy week . i do n't like the way brooke looks at pete and riley with a smile and talks to them . we 're flying to new york and i ca n't help thinking how much i do n't fking like that coach treats me like i 'm a goddamn psy and need to fking rest , and that diane is giving me the same fking food , over and over . but brooke . i 'm onto pete and riley , by god , i am . if they so much as give one look at her-they are done with . i glare at them from the bench . they tried to help her with her suitcase ; the dickwads think i do n't know they 're crushing on her ? i pull her closer to me and set a kiss on her forehead . `` who are all these people here for ? '' a huge crowd is at the fbo where my jet parks when we arrive at new york , and security has cords holding them back . she 's so puzzled , it 's adorable . `` for me , who else , '' i tell her . pete laughs . `` get off it , remy . '' i swear they are all staring at her . i want these good folks to know you 're with me . '' i squeeze her ass to mark my property . i usher her into the limo before the rest come in , then i grab her to me and kiss her . i 'm so fking starved for her , i need to feel her heat , her warmth , her tongue . my hunger is wild and unleashed , completely crazy . `` i want to take you somewhere tonight , '' i rasp into her mouth . `` because you have a fight in three days ! '' she laughs delightedly , and i want to take her to paris , i do n't care about the rest , but she whispers , `` let 's go anywhere with a bed . '' i immediately fk her in my mind on a bed , and then i imagine- `` let 's do it on a swing . '' `` let 's do it in an elevator , '' i propose . i am f*king her in an elevator , standing , my tongue hot and hard and pushing into her while i plunge my cck inside her , over and over . laughing , she shakes her finger at me , and i grin . `` i 'm never , ever , doing it in an elevator so you 're going to have to find someone else . '' in an elevator . '' standing in that elevator , my tongue in her . my eyes dip to her clvage , then down her body , to her psy tightly hugged in the most delicious pants i have ever seen . i want to write a f**king letter to the makers and praise them for a job well done . thanks to their jeans i have a good view of my woman all the time . `` i want you in those pants you 're wearing . '' she nods and grins , then twines her fingers through mine and lifts my hand to kiss my knuckles . i 'm curious to see what she 's doing because i do n't remember her kissing my knuckles like this . she crawls closer and cups my jaw , sets a kiss on my cheek , and runs her hands through my hair , and my entire body homes in on her touch and the tenderness in her eyes as she looks at me . coach rides up front with the driver , and everyone else slides onto the bench across from us . brooke tries wiggling free but i tighten her fingers in mine and make her stay put . i do n't want her to stop touching me , all my body craves it . my mind is not thinking any shit anymore . who cares what coach does , riley ... and feel ... good . i want to rest my head on her and i slide down-fuck me for being so large-then i pull her closer and set my head on her chest . i can hear her heart pounding under my ear . she went very still , and i want her to relax . i pull her closer and shift so she 's comfortable , and i feel her melt with me . i close my eyes and my mind feels quiet .	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then there were those who thought the `` accidents '' might have been murder but were sure he was not the culprit , and , finally , there were those who were not sure either way . it made leading his people a tricky business at times , for while they followed his orders , with some it was slowly and with resentment . being laird for the two years since maggie 's death had been like being the captain of a ship on the brink of a mutiny . unable to prove his innocence , or even protest the unspoken accusations when they were mere rumor and whispers , cullen had been forced to ignore them and hope they would fade in time . however , every time it appeared to be doing so , something or someone seemed to stir it up again . and then the marriage contract with evelinde had been offered to him . cullen needed a wife to bear his bairns , but he 'd also hoped her presence would help people forget the past and let it lie . instead , evelinde was now having accidents , cullen thought grimly , considering the events since meeting her . her fall from the horse on the first meeting had definitely been an accident , as had her being given the wrong medicinal on their wedding day . he was even sure that her first adventure in angus 's paddock had been an accident . however , he was almost certain today 's was not . someone had opened the door and let angus out while she was searching the paddock , and he had nearly lost a second wife . cullen frowned and glanced around the bailey , his gaze sliding over the people milling about . if the previous deaths and evelinde 's present accidents had been perpetrated by someone , it would have to be one of his own people , for a stranger could not move freely through the gates without his men stopping them . one of the people he was looking at right now may have tried to kill his wife , he realized ... and , perhaps , not for the first time . that thought came as he recalled the incident when he 'd come upon evelinde in the woods on the way back from comyns . cullen was suddenly recalling her mention of an arrow in the tree she was climbing . he 'd assumed that it was an old arrow , but something about her troubled look as she 'd said she had n't noted it earlier was bothering him . and , he recalled , evelinde had asked if he was the one who 'd been following her and why had n't he let his presence be known . his mouth tightened grimly as the two points combined in his mind with this accident and hamish 's words regarding it to send fear creeping up his spine . he was beginning to suspect there was more to her comments on the arrow than he 'd assumed at the time , and suddenly was very desirous of asking her about the incident . climbing back onto his mount 's back , cullen turned him to the path and headed for the keep . he would talk to evelinde . and warn her to stay close to the keep until he was sure all was well . cullen had been sad when little maggie had died . he had become used to the woman for wife and gained affection for her over their two-year marriage . but he knew without a doubt that his mild grief at her death would be nothing next to how he would feel should he lose evelinde . his new lady wife had managed to burrow under his skin with her soft laugh , constant chatter , and welcoming body . cullen liked his wife . he might even more than like her , though he was n't willing to explore that possibility at the moment . he just knew he wanted to keep this wife around . chapter eleven `` there you are . '' evelinde let the keep doors close behind her and saw mildrede seated in one of the chairs by the fire . `` lady elizabeth was looking for you a few moments ago , '' the woman announced , as evelinde approached . `` do you know what aunt biddy wanted ? '' she asked , noting that the maid had her green gown on her lap and was apparently mending a small tear in it . it was the dress she 'd been wearing the day before . evelinde must have caught it on a branch during her climb and caused a small tear . `` she did not say , but i imagine it has to do with meals for the week . or perhaps she wishes to restock supplies since cook will soon be back . '' evelinde nodded , then hesitated , briefly torn between seeing what the woman wanted and heading above stairs . in the end , she decided to replace the pin first . the broach had caused her enough difficulties , and with the way her luck was running of late , she feared getting distracted and losing it again . `` if biddy comes looking again , tell her i have just taken something above stairs and will return directly to speak to her . '' evelinde started to turn away then , but paused at a clucking sound from mildrede .	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lily luckily sat in between her husband and the other womanor my brother , no doubt , would fall for the buxom blonde who belonged in hugh hefners mansion . ali , who was letting her bouncy hair free today , looked back at our brother . michael , do you think im that stupid ? michael knew he had probably unleashed the beast known as psycho ali , so he tried to change the subject . la is beautiful . theinterstates are very structurallysound ? i gagged on my own saliva , begging the laughter to stay in my chest . very structurally sound ? all this estrogen is making me sick . fine , i wont mind throwing you out , ali shouted . you know , new york is disgusting . ive been there , heck . its dirty and there are too many people . says the girl who is living in la , i pointed out . lily patted her husbands knee . i was shut up before youre actually thrown out . his eyes drooped , and he started scrolling through messages on his phone . i looked over at ali , who complained she wasnt getting any sun with the drive . i grabbed her nail filer , and she screamed , youre going to get us all killed ! were not even close to a major road , alison . she tickled my sides , and michael screamed for our safety . oh , the drive to the beach . and honestly , with the cackle of laughter from the car , i hadnt been happier in a while . the ocean was a familiar echo of a distant past . i thought of my baby girl , gloria , as i stood on the comforting sand . the water , splashing against my legs in waves , was a beautiful shade of greenish-blue . the smell of salt perforated by senses , and i stood in the breeze of the oceans call for a few minutes without any distractions . my life was like the ocean wavesthere were tides , tribulations , and calm seas , but it all ended on a beach somewhere . that beach could be anywherein georgia , in maui , wherever . i didnt know where my wave ended , and honestly , i didnt want to know . i set up the umbrella and beach chairs for the girls . ali was already working on her tan as lily read a book under the shade . her blonde hair was splayed down her back , and i waved at her . cassidy was also tanning on the other side of lily , her bare back visible in the shadows . then there was momma , who was building a sandcastle with dad and michael . i looked down the beach to see lola and tristan throwing a frisbee . i guess i would be the only one who actually got in the water . the sea was cold and refreshing against my dark skin . i allowed myself to drift , and i felt the sand ebb under my toes . fish lapped against my body , but i didnt mind . i was happy here . it was calm , not a cloud in sight , and i was happy . i was truly , honestly , without a doubt , happy . after a good thirty minutes , i felt hands on my waist drag me under the surface . when i forced myself above the waves for air , i saw tristan . he was chuckling so hard that i thought he was going to be taken by the tide . so you had to ruin my happiness ? i kicked him underneath . listen , sister , we need to pick out a date for the wedding . i laid my head against the water , drifting again . im at peace right now . well , your phone was ringing . it was some guy namedjulian . and i hate to say it , but if you dont help me with my big day , im holding you hostage out here in these waters . i shot up like an arrow . youre awful , you know that ? im your pesky little brother . were literally in the middle of the ocean . iknow you work with a publishing house . he looked nervously away . do you think you could publish a short novella for me ? he turned me around so he was facing the seea . he obviously didnt want lola to see his antics . i could see her staring at us from the shore , and she waved . i waved back , and listened to my brother . im writing an anthology of poems for her . theyre probably awful , but id like you to help me with this wedding gift . a book of poems ? i know , its a lot to ask , but for once in your life , shut up ! i yelled , but quickly a grin formed on my lips . of course ill do it , tristan . i can even make the book seem antiquated , too . yellowed pages , kinda like an epic love story ? his pallid face returned to its normal color . i hugged him , feeling the muscles relax in his back . i love you both , and id love to help you . but lola works with me . thats something were discussing , he said , biting his nail . you better not be thinking about taking my damn assistant away ! no , no , he shook his head .	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sixty-two-year-old annette was a former model , with the kind of rodeo queen looks that had meant shed often been featured in western clothing catalogs in the seventies , while gary ran a small local construction company . theyd never been quite the same after neves death , either of them . what parent would be ? like other people in town , mom had done what she could to help them through it . kira loved her new job as an administrator at the renowned haraldsen architectural foundation that had lured her home . we have an exhibition of scandinavian furniture about to open , she said to tully . no ikea jokes , please ! tully laughed . well , i was tempted for a moment there . seriously , though , the furniture we have on display is so beautiful . cabinets and sideboards and dining tables with the most perfect craftsmanship , simple and elegant . and we have some art and pottery by local craftspeople , too , to enhance the experience . paintings by stephen birdsell , the most gorgeous ceramic bowls by jennifer gooch , three weavings by pascale deslongchamps . oh , ren fletchers mother , you mean ? she goes by her maiden name for her work , and its so beautiful . ive seen a little of it . tullys heart and pulses kicked . she would be seeing more of it this weekend . she was going horseback riding with ren on his parents ranch . it was april now , usually a month of spring rain or late snow in montana , but the forecast for saturday showed the promise of sunshine and temperatures creeping into the mid-fifties . she and ren had been seeing each other for four weeks . classic new relationship . hot and fun and for tully , scarily intense . theyd have dinner or a movie or just a rendezvous at his place , where they always ended up in bed . sometimes she stayed the night . more often , she got dressed and came home . mom interpreted those creeping entrances in the early hours of the morning as generosity on tullys partthat she wanted to be home to help sugar get up and shower and dress in the mornings , help with her breakfast and her medication . and it was true , that was a large part of the reason , but there was another reason , too . she left because she thought knew that ren wanted her to go . he wanted to wake up on his own in the morning , like a man with only himself to please . but they all pretended it was for sugar . last week , for example , tully had barely seen him , because shed been too busy taking care of sugar . shed known mom had needed a solid break , not just a couple of snatched hours for a nap , or reading . as hoped , shed been able to collect on travel insurance for the airfares for the canceled trip to new york , so shed bought a flight for mom to california , instead , to spend a few days with david and rachel and the kids . mom had come home looking bettera little color in her face , some stories about hannah and mitchell that had made her eyes light up when she recounted them . david says hell come to meet charlie , if we give him enough advance notice of the visit , she reported . but he wont bring rachel or the kids , and i cant move him on that . and we still dont have dates for charlie , so who knows now that mom had had her break , she was insisting on the same thing for tully . even if its just twenty-four hours when youre not on call to help . i want you to , tully . so shed promised , and saturday was her fulfilment of that promise . she and ren were spending the whole day together . and the night . maybe after the ride they could drive further up the valley and see the furniture exhibition kira was so excited about . then maybe some dinner in town at roccos italian . then back to rens . oh , definitely back to rens i can give you a flyer if youre interested , kira was saying . she couldnt resist adding , but do i need to bring my own allen wrench ? you had to go there , didnt you ? kira said in mock anger , putting her hands on her hips , and her motherwho hadnt heard the rest of the conversationlooked across at her and frowned . were joking , mom , kira quickly said . i was getting nervous , annette shepherd said . it sounded as if you were fighting . sugar , can i pour you more coffee ? these cookies are so good . annette was taking very good care of sugar , jumping up at one point to find a mohair blanket for her knees because she looked cold , concerned that she might be sitting in a draft . she and mom would be linked , someday soon , by the shared tragedy of having lost a daughter , and you could tell that they were both aware of it . there was a beautifully framed photo of neve on the mantelpiece with a vase of glowing yellow daffodils beside it .	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he should n't have put that much space between them , because she hauled back and tossed an energy ball at him , clipping him in the shoulder before he could go noncorporeal . she was so fast with those things . he tossed a fireball , and she ducked behind the rock they 'd been sitting on . then she started chanting . `` tam , stop chanting . you start using magic against me , and all bets are off . you have no idea the hell i can make your life . '' she ignored him , continuing her incantation . the air charged around them , and she stepped out from behind the rock that had been shielding her and threw a ball of energy at him . `` do n't ever threaten me like that again . i 'm not one of your goons . if you even look like you 're contemplating putting me in one of those pods for any reason , you will be sorry . like you said , the accommodations in little glass jars are less roomy than pods . '' she threw another energy ball . this one he saw coming and dodged . he tossed another ball of fire , but it sizzled and bounced off an invisible bubble she 'd put around herself . he was so caught off guard by the new protection that he did n't get away in time when it came hurtling back toward him , burning him in the stomach . `` oww ... goddamnit , tam ! '' `` hey , you 're throwing fire . what i 'm throwing wo n't kill you . you want to burn me alive and send me back to a lesser form . i do n't appreciate it . '' `` that 's not my intention . '' `` or am i too much of a temptation for you ? do i have too much power in this form ? '' she dropped the straps of the dress and the material fluttered to the ground . god yes , she had too much power in this form , but he 'd never say it . he stalked her and reached out to stroke her skin , glowing in the torchlight . his hand bounced off the barrier . cain 's voice dropped an octave . `` how can i help you if you wo n't help me ? i thought you wanted me to f**k you . '' `` it seems pointless , does n't it ? i mean , what are the odds you 're going to kill me this time ? '' `` you got ta play to win , sweetheart . '' as soon as she dropped the shields , he backed her against the wall and ripped his pants off . `` be a good girl and wrap your legs around my waist . '' `` good girl ? you must have me confused with somebody else . '' but she did as he requested , and he lifted her like she was nothing . as he impaled her , she let out a gasp that drew a satisfied laugh from him . `` you really want to die and leave all this ? that 's a solid death wish you 've got there , '' he said . `` do n't flatter yourself , '' she tossed back . but she 'd dropped her shields , all of them , and he knew the effect he was having on her . she wanted him almost as much as she wanted death . if he just held out a little longer , she 'd beg him to keep her , he was sure of it . chapter seven tam tried to catch her breath . he 'd weakened her when he 'd fed , but he had n't killed her . that would be too much to hope for . he seemed committed to this battle of wills . but she would win . if he thought she 'd ever willingly ask another monster to keep her , he did n't know her . though he knew jack had been her lover , the realization that she would n't fall for that charming evil shit again had n't penetrated his massive neanderthal ego . cain was n't a big cuddler . after he 'd finished with her , he 'd left her in the cave . another woman might have been emotionally devastated or felt horribly used , but tam was just annoyed he was holding out . she could attempt to use magic to get what she wanted , but there was a part of her that did genuinely fear him . the only kind of magic she 'd feel safe using against the demon was the kind that sealed him somewhere far away from her . and with her life span , even that was n't a safe bet . curses could be broken . she pulled the dress on and made her way back into town . a few demons held her gaze then looked away quickly to whisper amongst themselves . she did n't have to hear them to have some idea of what they were saying . it was such cruel irony . every single one of them wanted her dead because they felt she was compromising cain and their kind . many of them were probably old enough and strong enough to kill her , but even if she could get an accurate list of all their ages and strength levels , not one of them would double-cross cain and get sent to the caves . he 'd been pretty intense about his threat . his disdain for vampires ran deep .	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youre gon na be in the bed with me , right ? lets just say i did some shopping after school today . * * * shaun had walked me to my apartment door . so do you think this is would you wan na go out again sometime ? i hadnt been out on a date in more than a year either . thanks for everything tonight , shaun . good night , harleigh . * * * shauns arms were wrapped around my waist as we walked through the apartment door . tonight was perfect , shaun . ive got one more surprise for you . ive got ta get it . visions of the engagement ring . shaun came out of the bedroom with a shirt-size box . sorry , its kind of messy . mikes not very good at wrapping things . shaun , what is this ? just open it , harleigh . inside was a scrapbook filled with memories from our three years together . ticket stubs from the first baseball game we went to together . pictures from when shaun surprised me for my birthday at school , from the roller-skating party . notes i had left him . shaun i was starting to cry as i turned the pages . luis and mike helped me with it . im still not handy with scissors yet . but im getting better and i stopped his nervous rambling . shaun , i didnt know you kept all this stuff . i thought youd think i was a psycho or something if you knew i did . im so lucky to have you , shaun . everything is going to be ok , harleigh . although i had been telling everyone , including myself , that since the accident , i never really believed it . * * * so greg called and wanted to know if we wanted to spend the weekend at his cabin with him and ann and drew and beth . that sounds great , harleigh . good , ill call and tell him well be there . jons not going to be there , right ? shaun its just that i saw this movie with ice-t and these guys told him they were going to take him hunting . but they actually ended up hunting him . shaun and there was this room with all these heads in glass jars . jons not going to be there . * * * we were about two hours into our three-hour trip . he was looking out the window , smiling . i feel alive again , harleigh . i wanted to ask him what he meant , but he didnt give me a chance . i feel like i can have a life again , like im not always gon na be a patient , like someday i might make it a couple hours without thinking about the accident . and this this being here with you , this is great . were here , and all that shit is so far back there . he rolled down the window a couple inches . * * * shaun turned up the radio as he was driving to the cabin . november rain was playing . they used to play this at all the junior high dances i would go to , and id always make sure to ask the girl i really , really liked to dance to this song because it was so long . always a player . he reached over and took ahold of my hand . if i wasnt driving right now , id ask you to dance . * * * when we got to gregs cabin , shaun looked tired but he insisted on carrying our bags . i sat down beside him and started to massage his back . ummm , good . my back kinda started to hurt in the car . how about you go and take a little nap , and ill go to the store and get some groceries for dinner and breakfast tomorrow ? i dont need a nap . i dont think youll be getting much sleep tonight . somehow i got the line out without laughing . i saw shaun smirk . what a saucy vixen youve become . * * * beth and i were in the kitchen getting things ready for dinner . ann was lying down , and shaun and my brothers had gone into town to pick up some things . so are you guys talking about it yet , harleigh ? i didnt really have to ask . about getting married ? out of all drews girlfriends , i liked beth the most . she had a lot more class than most of them . but she still had personality . most of the time i thought she deserved much better than drew . maybe were both a little long-term commitment phobic . nice diagnosis , harleigh . but you two are just so perfect . trust me , beth . tell me the last big thing you fought about . were always fighting about jon . well , jons an ass . and hes an even bigger ass to shaun so that doesnt really count . we still fight . but i bet it doesnt even compare to drew and me . its all the time , constant . and its about everything . what keeps you two together ? i think in some really sick and twisted way we really , really love each other . and we have amazing makeup sex .	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he leaned over in hopes of slowing it down , but jessica took the chance to scrape her nails along his chest . when she gripped his ass again , he could n't have stopped even if he wanted . she held on to him as he slammed into her as fast as his body could move . his abs burned and legs ached as he pushed to the peak . her increase in breathing only pushed him faster . kace moved back to his knees and gripped her thighs . from here he could see his dick slip in and out of her . he glanced back to jessica and groaned when she pinched and rolled her nples in her fingers . `` come for me , baby , '' he said , his own release so close . she slipped a hand down between them . he watched her fingers feel as he fked her , her slick juices coating her fingers . she cried out when she ground her thumb into her clit . her muscles squeezed him so hard it caused his own release . kace pushed in one last time and shouted as he came . chapter eleven jessica lay on his chest , her hand tracing invisible patterns and just enjoying the feel of him . they had more than moved to the next level . she felt something for him that she had n't before , and it both terrified her and gave her hope . `` so , '' she said after some time . she felt the rumble from his chest as he laughed . `` glad i was n't the only one , '' he said . his hand trailed along her back , and she smiled . kace pulled her in for a gentle kiss . `` now we go to sleep . '' kace sat up and pulled her with him as he leaned against his headboard . `` but this is all new to me . the few women i 've had in my life were n't special , and most did n't stick around for long . i want long term with you . '' she was stunned by his revelation . jessica expected that he 'd make this far more difficult than it needed to be . she leaned in and kissed him hard . when she pulled away , her lips were swollen and red . `` i like you too , '' she said . `` so we just take it one day at a time , '' he said . `` i think we 're going to have to have lots of sex though . just to be sure we 're compatible . '' jessica giggled and tried to slip away . `` i think we already know the answer to that question . '' she shrieked when he yanked her back to him and sat her on his lap . jessica squirmed to get off but stopped when she felt his hard length grind against her . jessica moaned and looked to him . `` maybe we should , just to make sure . '' kace winked and pulled her further into him . * * * jessica woke up and stretched . she smiled at the ache she felt between her legs . for the first time , she had an orgasm that she did n't have to either do herself or work hard for . the real surprise was kace . not only did he take care of her needs , he went far beyond that . afterward , he held her close to him and stroked the skin that was exposed to him . she loved it and was very close to falling for him completely . she shook her head and pushed out any negative thoughts . this was good , and she was going to see where things went , even if the russians were beating down their door . jessica sighed and sat up in bed . his side was empty , but she could hear him moving in the kitchen . the aroma of coffee drifted into the room , and her stomach rumbled . she climbed out of bed and found the clothes from yesterday . not worrying about her hair or face , jessica quickly used the bathroom and made her way down the stairs . the house was lovely . he had spent a lot of time caring for it and bringing it back to what it once was . she glanced out the window and loved that the nearest neighbor was a bit away and blocked by some tall trees . it really was the perfect house . jessica followed the smell of coffee until she was standing in the kitchen doorway . kace stood in a pair of sweats and no shirt , frying ham and watching eggs poach . it really did n't get any better than this . `` are you going to stand there and watch or have a cup of coffee ? '' kace said while still facing the stove . kace glanced at her over his shoulder and winked . jessica moved into the kitchen and noticed the empty mug next to the pot . `` did n't know what you like in it , so i got a bunch of creamers , '' kace said . she opened the fridge and had to stop her laugh . seven different kinds confronted her . she pulled out the hazelnut . `` when did you have time to go ? '' she poured her coffee and creamer . kace deposited some ham on a plate .	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she 'd let david 's defection run her out of her home state , and his return would keep her away until she found the courage to face the whispers about their broken relationship and the speculation about the cause or until she could return triumphantly-actually living the exciting life everyone believed she had . because she could n't go home and lie . everyone would see right through her . `` give him my best next time you see him , '' she said in as breezy a tone as she could muster . `` sis , somebody needs to teach you how to make a guy pay for hurting you . revenge keeps a body warm . hey , i 'm still in school and i already know how to bring the bastards to their knees . '' paige forced a smile to her face and hoped it carried over through her voice . `` sammie , look where i am now . i work for a top-notch vegas hotel . i have the job of my dreams , and i 've reached step two in my ten-year plan . david did me a favor . '' her breath caught as she realized the truth in her statement . if she 'd married david , she would have taken whatever job she could get that would allow her to live with him . his dreams and his career would have always come first , and her goal of working her way around the globe and up the hotel ladder would never have launched . and her plan to have ticked off all the cities on her must-see list by the time she hit forty in twelve years would n't even be part of the equation . a weight lifted from her shoulders . she was in a good place right now . sure , come monday , she had a feeling she was going to need a case of oreos , a gallon of milk and a shoulder to cry on . but until then , she was exactly where she wanted and needed to be . nine t rent shifted on his feet in the lagoon 's aquarium-filled lobby friday evening and checked his watch again . it read two minutes later than it had the last time he 'd checked . `` in a hurry to go somewhere ? '' trent harnessed his irritation and turned . `` i have a dinner appointment . '' `` with our pretty blonde ? '' trent took umbrage at our , but refused to acknowledge donnie 's successful hit . `` paige is a sweet little morsel . but then i 've always been partial to southern girls . your brother is , too , apparently . '' alarm pricked trent 's nape . donnie knew brent had been with paige last year , and the bastard was toying with him . `` do n't let me keep you from dinner . the comedian slated for tonight 's entertainment is a good one . '' `` i do n't care about the comedian . i have enough jokers as clients already . so you 're keeping your women all in the family , eh ? is paige into the twin thing ? '' trent 's fists clenched . it took everything he had not to punch the dentures right out of donnie 's smirking mouth . `` i could have sworn i saw brent wearing your name badge last year . '' `` you might want to mention your vision problems to your optometrist . '' donnie looked ready to launch another verbal volley , but then his gaze shot toward the far side of the lobby . he clicked into alert mode . his jackass demeanor switched over to smooth operator mode , putting trent on guard . `` here 's our girl now , '' donnie taunted . trent 's mental gears clanked . would the devious bastard spill the beans ? trent decided to use a tactic he 'd refused to employ in the past . previously , he 'd lived by the rule that what other people did-other than his family , that is-was their own business , but tonight he 'd use the weapons in his arsenal . `` does your wife know about you and sapphire electronics ' product demonstrator ? benita has worked the past three conferences , has n't she ? '' donnie stiffened and panic flashed briefly in his eyes , then his lips curled in a wily fox grin . `` well played , hightower . '' their gazes held , but trent refused to back down . if this a**hole hurt paige , he would pay . donnie broke eye contact first and looked at her . `` well , are n't you a sight for these tired , texas eyes ? evening , miz mccauley . '' `` hello , donnie . '' paige was as innocent as a lamb being led to slaughter . either he or donnie could hurt her and she would n't even see it coming . the protectiveness surging inside him surprised him . but it was his own interests he was protecting and not just hers , he assured himself . despite his leverage , trent did n't trust his adversary . he stepped between paige and donnie . `` donnie needs to get to the banquet hall . `` i 'm sure i can make time for a drink in the bar , '' donnie added .	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`` tell me it 's not one of his erotic vampire novels . '' connal 's boyish face darkened . `` he said it was one of the best . i just thought i 'd try it . '' tynan shook his head . `` you should stick with the classics . that stuff will rot your mind . '' `` has n't hurt briant . that man 's smarter than all of the rest of us put together . '' connal marked his place in the book and set it aside . `` i 've come to feed the others . '' connal 's eyes darkened with hunger and excitement . `` the new girl ? she 's blooded ? '' tynan decided to keep the true source of his power to himself . `` very , but i suggest you keep your distance . her theronai is quite ... `` he ca n't be everywhere at once . i 'll find her alone and- '' `` you 'll do nothing of the sort . you 'll leave the girl alone . '' tynan imbued his words with a hint of his newly acquired power , forcing connal to listen and obey . connal gave him a quick nod . tynan went to the end of one long wall . enclosed in that wall were dozens of sleeping sanguinar . they would stay in their magically enhanced sleep for fifty years before waking . it was the only way the dwindling food supply would hold out . each year more sanguinar went to sleep and fewer woke . even in sleep , some of them died of starvation . without more food-more powerful blood-there was little anyone could do . tynan pushed on a section of wall and it opened to reveal a small stone bowl . at the bottom of the bowl was a hole that led to a series of tubes that fed each of the sleeping sanguinar . it did n't take much blood to keep them alive , but they had to have some , and it had been almost two months since their last feeding . at least in sleep they did n't feel hunger . tynan wished he could say the same . he held his wrist over the bowl and willed his flesh to open . dark red blood trickled from the small wound into the bowl . with every drop that spilled , tynan felt his power dwindle . before he was too weak , he willed his flesh closed and licked the remaining blood from his wrist . he could n't waste a drop . the high of actually being full was gone and the familiar hunger pangs were back . not as bad as before , but not pleasant . it was easy to drown them out when he was working , and he had plenty of work to do . not only did nika 's situation require his full attention , but he also had to figure out how such pure bloodlines had gone unnoticed . first helen 's , now andra 's and nika 's . if they could find more women like them , he might be able to save his people from starvation . it was more hope than he 'd had in decades . `` are you going to share with me , brother ? '' he handed tynan a jug of saline to clean out the system of tubes and make sure all the precious blood went into the sanguinar . tynan regarded the young-looking man . connal had never called him brother before . how odd that he would now . `` when you are asleep and helpless as a babe , i will feed you . until then , you must find your own food . there are plenty of blooded humans in the compound . ask them to sustain you . '' `` none of their blood runs as pure as the blood i smelled coming from your veins . the power must feel incredible . '' connal 's eyes were too bright . perhaps it was time for him to sleep . any sanguinar who became too desperate became a liability . their kind could not afford any more weakness than they already suffered . `` i 'll send someone to relieve you of your guard duty while you find sustenance , '' said tynan as he left the chamber . he barely managed to close the heavy door , and by the time he did , he was shaking with effort . he was n't going to last much longer before he , too , had to sleep . before then , he had to find out how to save his people from starvation , and these women were the key . he 'd made sure of that as he 'd fed from andra-altered her slightly to ensure his kind would be fed . tynan did n't particularly like manipulating people , but he 'd had no choice . his people were starving and he 'd been desperate to take action while he had the chance . paul was a formidable warrior and he had plenty of time alone to taint andra 's perception of his race . the theronai looked down on the sanguinar-thought of them as barbaric for their need to drink blood . tynan had not asked to be born like he was-unable to live without the blood of others .	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nine entry # 1598 i should take the last five years of entries in my leather bound journals and burn them in my fireplace because they 're getting me nowhere . the next several hours are pure torture . i end up swimming over two hours in the pool before heading home and trying to get some work done around the penthouse , but it 's no use . i ca n't seem to focus on anything and i end up wallowing in self-pity the rest of the day . i need to talk to chris . he 's probably sitting down eating dinner with his family right now , but by the time i get there they should be done and i can talk to him up in the study . maybe if i explain the fascination i 've had with her the past year he 'll understand and let me see where this goes . if i get his blessing then i can talk to cassie tonight . this plan sounds better and better the more i think it over , so i throw on some shoes and leave my condo , heading towards lincoln park . of course the traffic had to be horrendous so it takes me close to an hour to get to chris 's brownstone . i 'm able to slide my car into a spot right in front of his neighbor 's front door . it 's like god switched over to my side and is helping me out . i fix my hair through the rearview mirror because yes , even men want to make sure they look okay before going somewhere . i start to open my car door but suddenly stop . the front door of the brownstone is opening and cassie 's walking through it with her purse over her shoulder . i slouch down so that she wo n't see me , and thankfully she turns in the opposite direction on the street . she stops a couple houses down and that 's when i notice her lexus . she slides inside and starts the car so i do the same , closing my front door and letting the engine purr to life . i can no longer see her , but i watch her car as she carefully pulls out of her spot and starts driving towards the other end of the street . i 'm not sure why i 'm following her . i came here to talk to chris , but the second i saw her pull away i had to follow . whether my dick or my brain is running the show , i do n't know , but i follow anyway because one of them has the right idea . i need to make things right with cassie before i talk to chris . i follow her for what seems like forever . we 're on the outskirts of the city , approaching the suburbs when she starts to slow down and turns off on a side road . it 's dark out , so i dim my lights in order for her not to be suspicious of someone following her at this time of night . the city of chicago has an extremely high murder rate and i do n't want to frighten her . is this where she lives ? we 're in a residential area and i do n't get the feeling she owns a house , so why are we here ? is she visiting someone ? for fuck 's sake , is she visiting a guy ? we start to pass a church but she slows down and turns into the vacant church parking lot . i ca n't follow her in there because then i 'll be forced to address her before i 'm ready . i want to figure out why a young woman like her is at church on a friday night , instead of out at a bar or club with friends . i pull up to the next intersecting street and make a u-turn . as i 'm approaching the church again i park on the side of the road and turn off the engine , just in time to see cassie open the large double doors at the entrance of the church and walk in . her car is the only one in the parking lot . i doubt the priest is even in there right now . how long does she expect me to wait out here for her ? she does n't know i 'm out here . she does n't know the great lengths of stalking i go through just to watch her and know more about her . now i 'm glenn close in fatal attraction . i 'm just going to wait here and then follow her to her next destination . i ca n't confront her about sex at a church . it just feels ... wrong . there 's also the small fact that church and me do n't mix . i 'd take one step inside and then burn from the inside out . thirty minutes pass , then an hour , then another hour and before i know it 's midnight and i 'm struggling to stay awake in the driver 's seat . i have no idea what would make her want to stay inside a church for so long , but at the moment i 'd wait forever just to ask for another chance . my blinks get longer and longer until i can no longer open my eyes and i succumb to sleep . *** the sound of a garbage truck wakes me from my sleep .	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machines that monitor heart rates and iv flow , that keep people safe and alive . that weird girl who is sensitive and who lives a restricted life . who imposes that on you . '' it occurs to me that maybe steve did n't like picnics because of my bee allergy . perhaps he thought about me with more care than i realized . i seize inside , even though i do not have the energy for any of this . why am i thinking about steve as declan 's scent fills me like the perfect prescription for healing ? `` you would n't impose anything on me . i 'm a grown man who can make his own choices . '' i do n't feel vulnerable , though . this is an open give-and-take . his very tired equal . `` then i guess i was worried i 'd give you one more reason not to choose me . '' i squeeze his hand and he squeezes right back . `` because this is unreal . '' he shifts against me , the rough denim of his jeans sliding against my bare legs . sinking into the comfort of him , i sigh , a long , luxurious sound that feels like an endless exhale . as if i 've been holding my breath for a year and can finally let it go . if you ca n't tell someone how you feel right after they 've saved your life , when can you ? besides , if he does n't return the feelings i can blame delirium on my confession . `` it is for me , too , shannon , '' he says softly , his breath sending strands of hair against my cheek . he 's joining in . `` i ca n't believe that i found someone like you . and that you see something in me that makes you want to be with me . '' he swallows , and i can feel the movement on my shoulder . `` i 've spent years just chasing arm candy and bedmates . '' he 's confessing to me , baring his soul . i freeze , taken out of the comfort zone and into wishful-thinking territory . `` i 'm not arm candy ? '' i try to sound lighthearted but instead i just feel raw . `` you 're a chocolate-covered strawberry . on top of a chocolate mousse cake . '' he nuzzles my neck , his smile imprinted under my ear . i try not to sound as pathetic as i feel . hope rises inside my chest , crawling out of a cave near my heart , shielding its face against the first shaft of sunlight it 's seen in a long time . he gets what i 'm really saying . `` do i feel the same way ? '' i break free from our spooning and very carefully turn over to face him . he 's vulnerable and wanting , his eyes open and watching me carefully . he 's inventorying me . `` i ca n't believe you want to be with me . i 'm ... nobody . '' `` you 're everybody , '' he says with a firm passion . his hand slides along my jaw and under the nape of my neck . `` and watching you today , after that bee ... i ca n't lose you . '' i reach forward , the iv pulling on my arm , a sharp , needling pain making me wince . he pulls the tangled tube away from its knot with such care i want to cry from the joy of being treated like this . `` how about we both just stop right here . '' `` this is what we both feel . it 's real , '' he says with urgency . his lips press against mine and the kiss is so sweet that tears spring to my eyes . his body moves toward me and stops . he pulls back and closes his eyes . `` and it 's so real that we need to let down our walls and let reality guide whatever comes next . '' `` i have always lived in realityland . i 'm the mayor of it . it 's the rest of the world that does n't cooperate . '' have you met my mother ? '' now he just shakes his head with amusement . we both yawn at the same time , slow , lion-like sounds . i turn back around and he snuggles up . `` are you allowed to nap with me ? '' i think half the words disappear as i fade off to sleep . `` it 's better to ask forgiveness than permission , '' he says , the vibration of his words against my neck a cozy feeling . a feeling i could get used to experiencing every day of my life . `` besides , the nurses take pity on me . they 're also a little jealous of you . '' `` when i had to strip down to show them the epipen puncture , they got an eyeful . '' my laughter is quieter than i want it to be . i mumble as sleep overtakes me . a long pause , and then he adds , `` the epipen was definitely the most inventive sex toy a woman has ever used with me . '' i 'm in a state of exhausted bliss , and as i float off , a thought occurs to me .	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["bedmate", 1645], ["bedmates", 1645], ["confess", 1667], ["confessest", 1667], ["confessing", 1667], ["bare", 1682], ["baring", 1682], ["soul", 1691], ["froze", 1702], ["frozen", 1702], ["freeze", 1702], ["freezing", 1702], ["take", 1710], ["taken", 1710], ["zone", 1734], ["wishful", 1751], ["territory", 1770], ["try", 1805], ["tryed", 1805], ["lighthearted", 1827], ["instead", 1839], ["raw", 1855], ["chocolate", 1880], ["cover", 1888], ["covered", 1888], ["strawberry", 1899], ["top", 1908], ["mousse", 1930], ["cake", 1935], ["nuzzle", 1951], ["nuzzles", 1951], ["neck", 1959], ["necked", 1959], ["smile", 1971], ["imprint", 1981], ["imprinted", 1981], ["ear", 1994], ["pathetic", 2027], ["hope", 2044], ["rise", 2050], ["risen", 2050], ["rises", 2050], ["chest", 2066], ["crawl", 2077], ["crawled", 2077], ["cave", 2091], ["near", 2096], ["shield", 2117], ["shields", 2117], ["face", 2126], ["first", 2144], ["firstest", 2144], ["shaft", 2150], ["shafts", 2150], ["sunlight", 2162], ["see", 2173], ["seen", 2173], ["time", 2188], ["get", 2198], ["gets", 2198], ["really", 2215], ["say", 2222], ["sayest", 2222], ["saying", 2222], ["way", 2250], ["ways", 2250], ["break", 2263], ["broke", 2263], ["free", 2268], ["carefully", 2305], ["turn", 2310], ["eye", 2369], ["eyed", 2369], ["eyes", 2369], ["watch", 2387], ["watching", 2387], ["inventory", 2421], ["inventorying", 2421], ["nobody", 2487], ["firm", 2538], ["passion", 2546], ["slid", 2564], ["slides", 2564], ["along", 2570], ["jaw", 2577], ["jaws", 2577], ["jawed", 2577], ["jawest", 2577], ["today", 2635], ["lose", 2670], ["reach", 2687], ["forward", 2695], ["forwardest", 2695], ["forwarding", 2695], ["pull", 2712], ["pulling", 2712], ["sharp", 2732], ["sharps", 2732], ["needle", 2743], ["needled", 2743], ["needles", 2743], ["needling", 2743], ["pain", 2748], ["wince", 2764], ["pull", 2775], ["pulls", 2775], ["tube", 2792], ["away", 2797], ["knot", 2811], ["knotted", 2811], ["cry", 2840], ["joy", 2853], ["joys", 2853], 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after caring for sugar and then splashing water from the pump to clean up , brant combed his hair back and trotted his horse in the direction the boy pointed . the house was easy to locate and he tied sugar 's reins to the hitching post . blowing a breath , he practiced what he wanted to say while following the flagstones to the front porch . before he reached the door , it was thrown open by the plump woman he remembered from the stagecoach . `` oh , please come in , '' she gushed . `` abigail is here . she 's such a sweetheart , i had a feeling you 'd be coming after her . '' a male servant hovered nearby and mrs. willowood dismissed him kindly . brant followed the woman indoors breathing a sigh of relief while mrs. willowood continued her running conversation without taking a breath . `` the poor dear showed up exhausted last night and shared everything that 's happened . i tried to comfort her because i lost a child myself and a couple of grandchildren . i explained that it takes time and family to heal , but she 's so distraught i fear she cried all night . she has n't come out of her room '' brant interrupted , `` will you please take me to her now ? '' i think you 're just what she needs . she told me many times of her love for you . '' brant 's heart twisted . `` that love is mutual , ma'am . '' `` i can certainly see that . mrs. willowood finally stopped talking while leading him up a winding staircase . at the end of the second story hallway , she placed her hands on her pink cheeks , inhaled a deep breath , and then knocked on a door . a soft voice said , `` yes ? '' `` abigail , its ann willowood . of course , '' abby responded weakly . mrs. willowood opened the door . `` dear heart , you have a visitor . '' brant stepped inside the room with his hat in hand . abby lay back on pillows in a bed that swallowed her up . her eyes widened and big tears pooled when she saw him . mrs. willowood said , `` i 'll leave you two alone , '' and closed the door . brant watched abby brush jerkily at her tears . placing his hat on a nearby dresser , he slowly approached until he stood at the foot of the bed . abby kept swiping at tears . walking to the side of the bed , he sat on it and drank in her lovely face . `` honey , i 've got to say some things i should have said long ago . '' he reached for her small hand and pulled it against his heart . `` do you feel how fast my heart is beating ? '' she did n't respond and did n't look at him . `` it only beats like that for you . after molly died , i did n't think i could love that way again . i should have told you sooner , but i was still coming to terms with my loss . during the cattle drive , i realized how precious you are to me , and i was going to show you in a special way by taking you on a picnic and revealing my heart . but '' abby sobbed . softly , he said , `` sweetheart , we can get through this together . '' he paused because his heart was bursting with sadness and love . unable to hold his emotions inside he swallowed and said through tears . `` abby , forgive me for not being more sensitive to you . i should have taken you away from the house and not expected you to resume daily living until you were stronger . '' * * * abby looked at brant kissing her hand and something inside her suddenly comprehended his words . no longer was she the mail order bride married for the purpose of raising children , she was the beloved wife and mother of a family who needed her . and right now her husband needed her . together they could restore each other . lifting to her knees , she wrapped her arms around him and whispered comforting words . moving her mouth to his , she gently kissed him and he laid her across the bed , returning her kisses . comforting words , watered by tears , sprouted the seeds of recovery for both of them . finally , with bodies entwined , abby slept her first peaceful sleep in weeks . when she awoke , shadows slanted across the room and she felt brant stir beside her . she raised her head to gaze into his eyes . slowly , he smiled and she smiled back . `` that 's just what i wanted to hear . you need to gain your weight back . '' nuzzling her lips against his throat , she wanted to stay like this for hours longer , but her stomach growled loudly . brant sat on the side of the bed . `` abby , i do n't want you coming home just yet . i want you to stay here for awhile . you need this time away . '' `` but brant , the children '' he turned and placed his finger over her lips .	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1827], ["bed", 1836], ["swallow", 1851], ["swallows", 1851], ["swallowed", 1851], ["eye", 1869], ["eyed", 1869], ["eyes", 1869], ["widen", 1877], ["widened", 1877], ["big", 1885], ["bigs", 1885], ["tear", 1891], ["teared", 1891], ["tears", 1891], ["pool", 1898], ["pooled", 1898], ["see", 1911], ["saw", 1911], ["left", 1954], ["leave", 1954], ["two", 1962], ["twos", 1962], ["alone", 1968], ["close", 1984], ["closed", 1984], ["watch", 2009], ["watched", 2009], ["brush", 2020], ["brushest", 2020], ["jerkily", 2028], ["place", 2051], ["placing", 2051], ["dresser", 2079], ["slowly", 2091], ["approach", 2102], ["approaches", 2102], ["approached", 2102], ["stood", 2117], ["stand", 2117], ["standest", 2117], ["foot", 2129], ["keep", 2152], ["keepest", 2152], ["kept", 2152], ["swipe", 2160], ["walk", 2179], ["walking", 2179], ["side", 2191], ["sidest", 2191], ["sat", 2211], ["sit", 2211], ["drank", 2227], ["drink", 2227], ["drinking", 2227], ["lovely", 2241], ["lovelier", 2241], ["face", 2246], ["honey", 2257], ["honeys", 2257], ["get", 2269], ["got", 2269], ["thing", 2288], ["things", 2288], ["long", 2312], ["longs", 2312], ["ago", 2316], ["small", 2346], ["pull", 2362], ["pulled", 2362], ["feel", 2400], ["fast", 2409], ["beat", 2429], ["beating", 2429], ["respond", 2454], ["respondest", 2454], ["look", 2471], ["beat", 2497], ["beats", 2497], ["like", 2502], ["molly", 2529], ["die", 2534], ["died", 2534], ["way", 2574], ["ways", 2574], ["soon", 2612], ["still", 2630], ["term", 2646], ["terming", 2646], ["terms", 2646], ["loss", 2659], ["cattle", 2679], ["drive", 2685], ["realize", 2698], ["realized", 2698], ["precious", 2711], ["go", 2743], ["goest", 2743], ["going", 2743], ["show", 2751], ["special", 2768], ["picnic", 2798], ["picnicked", 2798], ["picnicking", 2798], ["reveal", 2812], ["revealing", 2812], ["sob", 2842], ["sobs", 2842], ["sobbed", 2842], ["softly", 2851], ["get", 2890], ["together", 2912], ["pause", 2927], ["paused", 2927], ["burst", 2958], ["bursted", 2958], ["bursting", 2958], ["sadness", 2971], ["unable", 2989], ["unabled", 2989], ["hold", 2997], ["emotion", 3010], ["emotions", 3010], ["forgive", 3073], ["forgived", 3073], ["forgiving", 3073], ["sensitive", 3105], ["take", 3134], ["taken", 3134], ["away", 3143], ["expect", 3175], ["expected", 3175], ["resume", 3189], ["daily", 3195], ["live", 3202], ["living", 3202], ["strong", 3226], ["look", 3249], ["looked", 3249], ["kiss", 3266], ["kisses", 3266], ["kissest", 3266], ["kissing", 3266], ["suddenly", 3309], ["comprehend", 3322], ["comprehended", 3322], ["word", 3332], ["words", 3332], ["long", 3344], ["longs", 3344], ["mail", 3361], ["order", 3367], ["orderest", 3367], ["bride", 3373], ["marry", 3381], ["married", 3381], ["purpose", 3397], ["raise", 3408], ["raising", 3408], ["child", 3417], ["childs", 3417], ["children", 3417], ["beloved", 3439], ["wife", 3444], ["mother", 3455], ["mothered", 3455], ["motherest", 3455], ["need", 3478], ["needest", 3478], ["needed", 3478], 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["home", 4369], ["homing", 4369], ["yet", 4378], ["awhile", 4415], ["turn", 4487], ["turned", 4487], ["finger", 4509]]
a slave was nodding in the corner , hands slack on the knitting that had fallen to her lap . she jerked , startled , as the door opened , and blinked guiltily at brianna . bree looked at once toward the bed , but it was all right ; she could hear the hiss and sigh of his breath . she frowned a little at the woman , but made a small gesture of dismissal . the woman clumsily gathered up her half-finished stocking and blundered out , avoiding brianna 's eye . roger lay on his back , eyes closed , a sheet drawn tidily over the sharp angles of his body . he 's so thin , she thought , how did he get so thin , so fast ? he could swallow no more than a few spoonsful of soup and claire 's penicillin broth , but surely two or three days was not enough to leave his bones showing so prominently ? then she realized that he had likely been thin already , from the stress of campaigning-both her parents were thinner than usual . the prominence of his bones had been disguised by the dreadful swelling of his features ; now that that had subsided , his cheekbones were high and gaunt , the hard , graceful line of his jaw once more visible , stark above the white linen of the bandage wrapped around his lacerated throat . she realized that she was staring at his jaw , appraising the color of the fading bruises . the yellow-green of a healing bruise was different than the delicate gray-green of new death ; just as sickly , but withal , a color of life . she took a deep breath , suddenly aware that the window in this room was closed , too , and sweat was trickling down the small of her back , seeping unpleasantly into the crack of her buttocks . the sound of the sash rising wakened him-he turned his head on the pillow , and smiled faintly when he saw her . she spoke in a hushed voice , as though in a church . her own voice always seemed too loud , talking to herself . he lifted one shoulder in a slight shrug , but mouthed a silent `` okay . '' he looked wilted and damp , the dark hair at his temples sweat-soaked . `` it 's awfully hot , is n't it ? '' she waved at the window , where warm air-but moving air-came in . he nodded , poking at the collar of his shirt with one bandaged hand . she took the hint and untied it , spreading the slit open as far as it would go , to expose his chest to the breeze . his nples were small and neat , the aureoles pinkish-brown under the dark curly hairs . the sight reminded her of her own milk-full brsts , and she had a moment 's insane urge to lift his head , pull down her shift , and put his mouth to her breast . she had an instant 's vivid recall of the moment when he had done that , under the willows at river run , and a warm rush spread through her , tingling from br**sts to womb . blood rising in her cheeks , she turned to look over the nourishment available on the bedside table . there was cold meat-broth-spiked with penicillin-in a covered bowl , and a flask of honey-sweetened tea alongside . she took up the spoon and raised a brow inquiringly , her hand hovering over the table . he grimaced slightly , but nodded at the broth . she picked up the cup and sat down on the stool beside him . `` open up the stable-door , '' she said cheerily , circling the spoon toward his mouth as though he were jem . `` heeeeere comes the horsie ! '' he rolled his eyes upward in exasperation . `` when i was little , '' she said , ignoring his scowl , `` my parents said things like , 'here comes the tugboat , open the drawbridge ! ' 'open the garage , here comes the car ! '-but i ca n't use those with jem . did your mother do cars and airplanes ? '' his lips twisted , but finally settled on a reluctant smile . he shook his head and lifted one hand , pointing toward the ceiling . she turned to see a dark spot on the plaster-looking closer , she could see that it was a vagrant bee , blundered in from the garden during the day , somnolent now in the shadows . okay , here comes the honeybee , '' she said , more softly , slipping the spoon into his mouth . `` bzzz , bzzz , bzzz . '' she could n't keep up the attempted air of playfulness , but the atmosphere had relaxed a little . she talked about jem , who had a new favorite word- '' wagga '' -but no one yet had figured out what he meant by it . `` i thought maybe it meant 'cat , ' but he calls the cat 'mow-mow . 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1863], ["lift", 1886], ["lifted", 1886], ["shoulder", 1899], ["shouldered", 1899], ["slight", 1911], ["shrug", 1917], ["shrugging", 1917], ["mouth", 1931], ["mouthed", 1931], ["silent", 1940], ["okay", 1948], ["damp", 1979], ["damps", 1979], ["damped", 1979], ["dark", 1990], ["hair", 1995], ["temple", 2010], ["temples", 2010], ["soak", 2023], ["soaks", 2023], ["soaked", 2023], ["awfully", 2042], ["hot", 2046], ["wave", 2073], ["waved", 2073], ["warm", 2100], ["air", 2104], ["airs", 2104], ["airing", 2104], ["move", 2115], ["moving", 2115], ["come", 2124], ["came", 2124], ["nod", 2139], ["nodded", 2139], ["poke", 2148], ["poking", 2148], ["collar", 2162], ["collared", 2162], ["shirt", 2175], ["bandage", 2193], ["bandaged", 2193], ["hand", 2198], ["hint", 2218], ["hinting", 2218], ["untie", 2229], ["untying", 2229], ["untied", 2229], ["spread", 2244], ["spreading", 2244], ["slit", 2253], ["open", 2258], ["far", 2265], ["go", 2280], ["goest", 2280], ["expose", 2292], ["chest", 2302], ["breeze", 2316], ["breezing", 2316], ["neat", 2350], ["neats", 2350], ["pinkish", 2373], ["brown", 2379], ["browns", 2379], ["curly", 2400], ["hair", 2406], ["hairs", 2406], ["sight", 2418], ["sighted", 2418], ["remind", 2427], ["reminded", 2427], ["milk", 2447], ["milked", 2447], ["milkest", 2447], ["full", 2452], ["moment", 2483], ["insane", 2493], ["urge", 2498], ["lift", 2506], ["pull", 2522], ["shift", 2537], ["put", 2547], ["mouth", 2557], ["mouthed", 2557], ["breast", 2571], ["breasted", 2571], ["breasting", 2571], ["instant", 2592], ["vivid", 2601], ["recall", 2608], ["recallest", 2608], ["willow", 2664], ["willows", 2664], ["river", 2673], ["run", 2677], ["rush", 2695], ["spread", 2702], ["tingle", 2725], ["tingles", 2725], ["tingling", 2725], ["womb", 2746], ["blood", 2754], ["bloods", 2754], ["blooded", 2754], ["cheek", 2775], ["cheeks", 2775], ["look", 2796], ["nourishment", 2817], ["available", 2827], ["bedside", 2842], ["table", 2848], ["tabled", 2848], ["tabling", 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3411], ["scowling", 3411], ["thing", 3439], ["things", 3439], ["like", 3444], ["tugboat", 3470], ["drawbridge", 3492], ["garage", 3513], ["car", 3534], ["ca", 3547], ["cas", 3547], ["use", 3555], ["mother", 3588], ["mothered", 3588], ["motherest", 3588], ["car", 3596], ["cars", 3596], ["airplane", 3610], ["airplanes", 3610], ["lip", 3624], ["lipped", 3624], ["lips", 3624], ["twist", 3632], ["twisted", 3632], ["twisting", 3632], ["finally", 3646], ["settle", 3654], ["settled", 3654], ["reluctant", 3669], ["smile", 3675], ["shake", 3686], ["shook", 3686], ["point", 3726], ["pointing", 3726], ["ceiling", 3745], ["see", 3765], ["spot", 3777], ["plaster", 3792], ["plastering", 3792], ["look", 3800], ["looking", 3800], ["close", 3807], ["closer", 3807], ["vagrant", 3845], ["bee", 3849], ["garden", 3880], ["gardens", 3880], ["gardened", 3880], ["day", 3895], ["somnolent", 3907], ["shadow", 3926], ["shadowed", 3926], ["shadows", 3926], ["honeybee", 3959], ["softly", 3987], ["slip", 3998], 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now he was probably going to carve her up and then do unimaginable things to her as she lay there dying , unable to fight back . tears sprang to her eyes when she leapt to her feet , but she ignored the pain in her left ankle as she stumbled from the living room and searched for the front door . jesse started to rise , then collapsed to the floor , groaning , while blood oozed from the deep wound . maybe she 'd done enough ; maybe she 'd make it out of this hell . `` you 'll pay ... '' he cried , but he fell again as he tried to get to his feet . if she did n't get out of this house , he was going to do whatever it took to kill her . this was n't a game to him anymore . this was n't about violating her body . this was now revenge because she 'd managed to hurt him - and no woman was allowed to hurt jesse , not to his way of thinking . limping down a hall , she finally found the door to the outside , freed the locks , and managed to wrench it open despite the blackness threatening to overpower her . `` help , please , '' she called out , trying to scream just in case anyone was within hearing distance , but her voice came out as little more than a squeak . stumbling off the rickety porch , she made it only about twenty feet from the house before she fell to the ground . she should have gone back for her phone , but it was too late now . there was no way she 'd go back inside . her frustration mounted as she moved away from the porch light and the eerie darkness swallowed her . she - and jesse - were indeed in the middle of nowhere . crawling on her hands and knees , she found a woodshed and struggled around it , then collapsed . her will to live was great - but the pain was unbearable . her only hope was that jesse would n't get back up , and that her call had gone through . bryson would be her last thought before unconsciousness pulled her under . she wondered what it would be like if , despite everything , the two of them could live happily ever after , if they could forget about the case , about the fight , about everything but each other . if jesse got back to his feet and found her , she 'd never know ... chapter twenty-five bryson 's phone rang and he glanced down , then felt his heart stop momentarily . he hit the button and was about to shout into the microphone . that 's when he heard jesse 's voice in the background , a voice that would haunt him the rest of his life . he 'd spent hour upon hour watching the scumbag on video surveillance , and in the interrogation room when they 'd brought him in , and he knew that ugly voice intimately . though he 'd already known that the bastard had her , it had n't fully sunk in until the sound of that man 's voice came through the phone . he knew better than to say anything , knew she 'd most likely hidden the phone , knew he must n't give away the fact that she had a phone on her , but it still took everything inside him not to shout , not to order jesse to leave her alone . hitting mute so that no sound would transmit through her line , he tore into a gas station , nearly wiping out the fuel dock in his hurry . leaving the suv running , he dashed inside . `` give me your phone now ! '' he shouted to the terrified young man attending the register . `` i 'm not allowed to , '' he stuttered . `` i do n't have time for this , '' bryson snapped . he leapt over the counter , pushed the kid aside , and reached below the counter , dialing the number he had memorized . `` i need a cell phone tracked right now , '' bryson said as soon as the call was picked up . it took only minutes , but those precious minutes felt like hours . once he had the address , he called in every favor he had owing to him . `` get them there now ! '' with that , he hung up and rushed from the store . entering the address on his navigation system seemed to take forever , and he realized his fingers were shaking . bryson paused and took a breath , then held out his hand . okay , he was calm . she would take care of herself and he would get there in time . he was about twenty minutes away according to his navigation system . slamming the gearshift into drive , he tore out of the gas station and rushed through traffic , pulling around speeding cars as if they were standing still . his mind whirled as he whipped around corners , and he took the turn onto the gravel road at nearly seventy miles an hour , sending the suv into a spin . working with the gas and wheel , he managed to straighten the vehicle out , but he let up a little on the gas .	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yes , i do , sally smiled mischievously , and put her suitcase by the door next to ruth 's , in readiness . chapter twenty three paolo was right . naples was more exciting than rome . that is if you like noise , chaos , and crowds . hey , this is like being back in new york , sally laughed . not exactly , ruth said as she stared up at the laundry hanging everywhere . over balconies , and strung across every street , making the city a canopy of sheets , tablecloths , and underwear . they had decided that first they would grab a taxi to the nearby ruins of pompeii for a couple of hours and then come back to catch the boat to capri in the late afternoon . since they had no idea what to expect at pompeii they thought it would be wise to have an early lunch in naples . they saw a sign : pizza ruth , look . i know you wo n't believe this but its not so usual to get pizza in italy , even though this is where it all started.. you 're kidding ! let 's go here . i have n't had pizza in such a long time . sally and ruth dug into the familiar wedges of crust , cheese and tomato with gusto . mmmmmmm , sally said , as a strand of cheese stretched from her mouth . now this is really like being in new york . they enjoyed the irony . italy was full of the ruins of previous civilizations , but none were as amazing and chilling as those of pompeii . as almost every school child knew , mt . vesuvius , the active volcano that overlooks the bay of naples , erupted so violently 2,000 years ago that the whole town of pompeii was totally destroyed . destroyed and preserved at the same time . that was pompeii 's special attraction . the eruption was catastrophic , but so swift that while it toppled and buried the town , it also literally froze some of the homes , animals , and people just as they were under an enormous amount of volcanic ash . when ruth and sally arrived at the clearly defined entrance to pompeii , they were astonished to see how big the ruins were . they were expecting that only a patch of the ancient civilization might have remained , but instead they encountered the perimeters of nearly an entire town with its many streets , cross streets and plazas still intact . they found themselves walking on the same stones as the once thriving pompeiians did in 63 a.d . it was empty , hot , and eerie . the blazing sun bounced mercilessly off the bleached rubble . trees and bushes had grown between the outlines of houses . it could have been any suburban community of side-by-side homes with their front steps and backyards . except at first glance most of the houses were gone . occasionally , there was a marble doorway standing alone . or half a wall . soon , however , they realized that there was much more here than first appeared to the eye . they discovered an ancient bath house where the mosaic tiles of teal green peacocks , brick red hearts , and stars of gold were still vibrant . they were astonished by the clear and colorful frescos painted on the old walls that provided windows through which life at that time could be seen and understood . as always , food played a great part . green fruit and water bottles . eggs , game birds , and fish . silver jugs and dishes with lace-like handles . huge ceramic barrels of local wine . not much has changed in a couple of thousand years , sally joked with ruth . it was clear that pompeii had once been rich in color , culture , comfort and pleasure . the surprise eruption had been a sudden blow to an unsuspecting population enjoying its varied daily life . unlike other ruins , pompeii did not make you guess about who once lived here . the true forms of people , cats and dogs were preserved intact . the one that especially moved sally was a young woman , curled up in a fetal position with a permanent look of horror on her face . each time someone saw that woman , the destruction of pompeii was now , and not at some other time . i sure hope she had a happy life up to this point , she said . what is the difference between a happy or unhappy life once it is over ? you 're not going to get philosophical on me now , are you , ruth scolded . sally used to drive the easy-going ruth crazy with her late night discussions on the best way to have an intense life , to live to the hilt before time runs out . how does one live ? sally used to ask rhetorically , just as ruth 's eyes were closing . sally would insist . if it is so important to squeeze the most out of a minute , what is the best way ? sunny days ? rainy days ? sally would get overwhelmed by the choices . ruth would sleepily tell her that she was glad she did n't have to pick just one . and then she was out like a light .	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`` the first time i ever tried mom 's fruitcake recipe was after larry moved out . '' earleen asked . `` no ... '' the sorry state of her love life was not a subject emma wanted to discuss . `` larry and i were high-school sweethearts . he went to fight in vietnam and when he got back , we had a big wedding . it was the type of wedding girls dream about . wait here a minute , '' she said and bustled out of the kitchen . in a couple of minutes , she returned with her wedding photograph . a radiantly happy bride smiled into the camera , her white dress fashioned in layers of taffeta and lace . the young soldier at her side was more difficult to read . `` unfortunately , larry had a weakness for other women , '' earleen said sadly . `` from larry ? since 1984 . '' `` you 've been married more than once ? '' `` all my husbands were versions of larry . '' `` i did n't learn from my mistakes . '' earleen turned away . then , obviously changing the subject , she said , `` i imagine you 'll want to sample my fruitcake . '' she slid open the bread box and took out an aluminum-foil-wrapped loaf . `` have you noticed that people either love fruitcake or hate it ? '' she said companionably . `` there does n't seem to be any middle ground . '' `` that ... seems to be true , '' emma agreed . `` like i said , i started baking after larry left , '' she said , busily peeling away the cheesecloth from the loaf-size fruitcake . `` i 'd never suffered that kind of pain before . i figured if you 've ever been divorced you 'd know what i mean . '' emma was confused . `` i do n't exactly think of fruitcake as comfort food . '' earleen shook her head . `` i did n't eat it . loaf after loaf for weeks on end . i was determined to bake the perfect fruitcake and i did n't care how long it took . i must 've changed that recipe a hundred times . '' `` why fruitcake ? '' she paused as if she 'd never put it into words . i guess i was looking for the happiness i always felt as a kid at christmastime . '' there it was again , emma mused . it did people in emotionally , and she was n't going to allow that to happen , not to her . she found it easy enough to ignore christmas ; other people should give it a try . she might even see if walt would let her write an article about her feelings . emma believed she was n't alone in disliking all the hype that surrounded christmas . `` when i was with larry and my two other husbands , i felt there must be something lacking in me , '' earleen continued . `` now i do n't think so anymore . time will do that , you know ? '' `` as young as you are , you probably do n't have that much perspective . '' earleen paused and drew in a deep breath . emma stopped taking notes . she suspected this was it ; she was about to get to the real core of the interview . `` by the time larry and i split up , both my parents were gone , so i was pretty much on my own . i realize now that i was searching for a way to deal with the pain , although god knows the marriage was dead . that 's where the fruitcake came in . '' `` the comfort factor , '' emma said with a nod . `` how long were you and larry together ? '' it 's a shame , you know . we never had kids and it was real lonely after he left . '' secretly emma hoped he was miserable . in some ways earleen reminded emma of her mother . `` larry married the floozy he 'd taken up with , and the two of them got drunk every night . it only took him a few years to drink himself to death . '' `` how sad , '' emma said , and she meant it . earleen shrugged . `` i was single for nearly ten years . i thought i 'd learned my lesson about marrying the wrong man , but obviously i had n't . '' `` what about the other two husbands ? '' `` morrie courted me for a long time before i agreed to marry him . he did n't have a roving eye so much as he did a weakness for the bottle . '' `` of course , larry had both . the thing is , and you remember this , young lady , you do n't meet the cream of the eligible-bachelor crop working in a tavern . '' emma scribbled that down so earleen would think she 'd given due consideration to her words . `` morrie died of cancer a couple of years after we were married . '' `` i never should 've married paul after that . '' `` what happened with paul ? '' a dreamy expression came over her .	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["bottled", 3865], ["course", 3883], ["thing", 3912], ["remember", 3934], ["rememberest", 3934], ["lady", 3952], ["meet", 3970], ["meeted", 3970], ["cream", 3980], ["creamest", 3980], ["eligible", 3996], ["bachelor", 4005], ["crop", 4010], ["work", 4018], ["wrought", 4018], ["working", 4018], ["tavern", 4030], ["scribble", 4050], ["scribbled", 4050], ["give", 4096], ["given", 4096], ["due", 4100], ["consideration", 4114], ["die", 4144], ["died", 4144], ["cancer", 4154], ["paul", 4234], ["pauls", 4234], ["happen", 4267], ["happened", 4267], ["dreamy", 4291], ["expression", 4302]]
joey brought a hand up in front of his mouth and gagged slightly . formaldehyde . devon stated darkly . as the group searched the room for the source of the awful stench they noticed the two french settees situated around a low coffee table , another round table with several armchairs around it and a piano . seated upon the furniture were several young women dressed in flower print dresses that had long black hair and that were wearing feathered masks on their faces . vincent stated grimly . but the group couldnt fail but note how these young women werent moving or breathing . they also noted the strange scars on the womens chests and their slightly blue-tinged skin . a feeling of dread came over everyone as they began to realize what was going on those womenarent moving . joey said in a trembling voice . thats because theyre dead . devon said as he shook his head in disgust . the formaldehyde was used to preserve those corpses over there . corpses ? ! joey exclaimed in horror . i thought they were dolls . the blood drained from joeys face and he looked faint . theyre so well preservedthey really do look like dolls . carrie agreed . they must be former nurses of dr. coles . vincent frowned at carries comment . former nurses ? vincent shook his head not wanting to believe it . the case of the mysteriously disappearing nurses from good samaritan hospitalhad it just been solved ? had dr. cole been behind it ? he was the one who had spirited the girls away , killed them , ripped their hearts out and even decided to preserve their bodies with formaldehyde ? ! had dr. cole - his doctor - really killed all those women ? i cant believe itits not possible . the stench of death filled the room . the stench of rotting flesh and formaldehyde . this is like the set up for a very bad horror movie , joey shuddered . i think i watched that one with sadie , devon deadpanned . thanks for sharing that tidbit . your welcome , bro . carrie and joey both burst out as soon as they caught sight of ro sitting in that cage on her knees , so calmly , and looking like a doll . had she already been killed and preserved ? they rushed towards the cage . vincent and devon soon followed . devon keeping an eye on everyones back . ro turned her head slowly to see her friends and tears immediately filled her ice-blue eyes . carriejoeydevonvincenthow ? ro looked at carrie with an intense gaze . he was able to reach you ? ro asked in a soft voice so that the others wouldnt overhear . carrie nodded , tears in her eyes . joey took a step back and eyed the lock on the cage . stand back ro - ill open the door . joey raised his bat as if hed take a swing at the cage door . however , devon reached out and grabbed joeys arm , stopping him . idiotthat wont open it . joey spun around to glare at devon defiantly . but we cant just leave her in there ! the sound of someone clearing his voice was heard from the doorway . everyone turned to see that dr. cole was standing nonchalantly in the doorway with a darkening bruise on his cheek . i believe youll need a key to open that cage . dr. cole held up the key . joey started towards dr. cole threateningly . gladly , dr. cole said as he threw joey the key . joey caught it and began to unlock the cage door . devon began to approach dr. cole , a dangerous aura flaring up around him . i thought you said youd never seen ro ripper . indeed , that girl is not ro ripperher real name is rosalie galloway . did you know she was deceiving you ? shes a nursea nurse whom i fired . i can assure you shes no singer . her father , edgar galloway , is dying of cancer . hes a patient at good samaritan hospital . rosalies dream is to become a nurse , not a singer ! dr. cole revealed with a pleased smile on his face . devon continued to approach dr. cole , fires blazing in his dark eyes . you lied about having her prisoner here , you sick freak . how can we really believe anything youre saying ? dr. cole shrugged . i didnt harm her . and if you dont believe me ask her yourself . i justwanted to break her into finally giving in to me . i want to make her heart mine . no woman has ever refused me before . sheintrigues me . what also intrigues me is how you all found out that i was keeping her here dr. cole stroked his chin and looked everyone in the eye . i told no oneand i doubt the one who originally helped me to get my hands on ro would have ratted me out .	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it does n't look like one . '' `` it 's ours for tonight . '' i donate money to a historical preservation society that works on buying and restoring lighthouses . this one is n't in danger , but plenty of others are . i know someone who knows someone who sacrificed a few small animals to give me access to this place . it 's the only lighthouse within a short helicopter ride from boston . i hired a few people to outfit the place to my specifications and ... here we are . '' `` i think that 's the most you 've ever said to me in one breath . '' `` why did you insist ? '' i mean , why all this ? '' you did n't need to do this for me . '' `` for the same reason you 're here . '' letting go of this nagging `` why me '' voice is harder than i thought . i imagine chuckles looking at me with disapproval , shaking his head . the man just made love to me in a limo , for goodness ' sake . of course he wants me . at the rate i 'm going , i 'll ruin this , so- let it go great . now i have the theme song from frozen stuck in my head forever . try making love with that pinging through your brain . disney characters are only aphrodisiacs for people who troll fetlife . declan 's eyes have narrowed and he 's watching me . `` you really do wear your emotions on your face . '' `` and in my hands , '' i add , flailing them . he 's been wearing his suit jacket this whole time-even when we were doing the nasty back in the limo-and now he slips out of it , stretching the fabric across the back of a cloth-covered dining chair that 's primly tied with a neat bow . his shoulder muscles ripple with movement under his shirt and i realize i 've never seen him naked . never even seen him shirtless . my breath comes in sudden halts as it hits me that i 'm really here . mr. grey suit is in front of me in an intimate , romantic setting he created for me , and this is my real life . he unbuttons the cuffs of his shirt and rolls them up . i ca n't stop watching as his deft fingers go through the motions like a performance , his eyes tilted down and watching what he 's doing , making himself comfortable . he 's spent so much time thinking about my comfort . my eyes eat him up , enjoying not just the view but the intimacy of this moment . just a man on a date in a new relationship , rolling up his sleeves after a long day at the office , waiting to sink into a lovely dinner and some nice sexy time . except he 's flown across countless time zones , interrupted my pseudo-date with my ignorant ex , had his way with me in a limo , flown me in a helicopter to a remote island , and now he has me ( voluntarily ) trapped on a remote island where anything could happen . so not ordinary . his voice is warm milk and burnt sugar and rum-soaked ladyfingers with hot fudge sauce and an invitation to spend a weekend on martha 's vineyard on the beach without clothes or other people . `` i really like what i see . '' it helps that i just felt his abs underneath me and they roll like ben wa balls , sleek , sexy and hypnotically solid . he reaches for my hand and takes a long , slow sip of his wine . my own gulp earlier is kicking in , loosening me , making me want to run my legs against silk sheets and the soft strands of his leg hair , imagining his na**d body and his own happy trail leading down ... i do n't have to imagine it , though , do i ? i 'm about to live it . without comment or affect , declan lifts the covers off our plates , revealing lobster and steak . `` i hope you 're not allergic to shellfish , '' he says dryly . i love lobster . '' we smile at each other , and something 's different . i face it head on . `` speaking of allergies , thank you . i did n't know about your brother . '' he picks up his silverware with hands that are steady . mine are shaking like a four-year-old with a pogo stick on christmas morning . `` good for me , then , that you came prepared . '' he pauses mid-bite . `` yes , '' is all he says , then continues eating . the lights above us go round and round , giving the room a hypnotic glow . `` how does andrew handle it ? '' i take a bite and let my words hang there . declan 's quiet , finishing his food , and i get the sense that he does n't want to talk about this , but i do . there 's no way i 'm going to act like it never happened . `` handle being so allergic ? '' `` no , handle being the green lantern . 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`` reassure cammie you wo n't be going far . we should discuss this away from her . '' eve 's eyes widened at his perception . then she glanced down at cammie , racked by indecision . `` eve , '' donovan prompted . eve closed her eyes and then leaned down to brush a kiss across cammie 's brow . `` i 'm just going to the kitchen . donovan brought food . would n't you like a special treat ? '' slowly cammie nodded , but she kept casting her gaze sideways at donovan , shadows haunting her young eyes . eve turned and made sure donovan went ahead of her so that she was between him and cammie at all times . he 'd made quick work of putting away the groceries , though he 'd left several items out on the small countertop . sprite . soups . acetaminophen and ibuprofen as well as several bottles of pedialyte , a fluid designed to correct electrolyte imbalance . it would appear he 'd thought of everything . `` i ca n't afford a doctor , '' she whispered fiercely . i 'm staying with her and monitoring her fever at all times . '' donovan put his hand over hers where she 'd rested it on the countertop . a warm shock raced up her arm . it baffled her , because she had everything to fear from this man , and yet something so simple as his touch calmed some of the rising panic and hysteria rampaging through her mind . `` i have a friend-a very close friend-who is a doctor . her name is maren . she 's married to another very good friend of mine . she 's been on maternity leave and is just now starting to get back into the swing of her practice . she routinely makes house calls , and she also sees disadvantaged patients free of charge . and eve , you are in need . cammie is in need . i 'd like to bring her over tomorrow to check on cammie . she appears to be a very sick little girl , and while i 'm sure you 're doing the absolute best you can , sometimes it 's not enough . '' she sagged , her head lowering because he was right . it was n't something she could very well hide . one only had to look at her-at where she lived-to know that she was in desperate need . and cammie did need a doctor . eve had been up with her all night , worried , sick with indecision over whether she should risk taking her into the emergency room . but how would she have gotten there ? she was basically trapped here . no access to anything that was n't in walking distance . donovan lifted her hand , curling his fingers gently around hers . she tried to pull away , but he tightened his grip , giving her hand a gentle squeeze . his grasp was n't painful . he was n't trying to hurt her , but neither did he let her go . `` we are n't going to harm you , eve . i 'll bring maren out first thing in the morning so she can do an assessment on cammie . she likely needs more than the over-the-counter medications you 've been giving her . '' she closed her eyes , bringing her free hand to her throbbing temple . more medications . prescription medications . no way to pay for them . and antibiotics were n't cheap ! `` eve , '' donovan said in a voice barely above a whisper . eve lifted her gaze and in his eyes she saw-felt-warmth . and something else entirely that she could n't quite figure out . like she was someone who mattered . `` i 'm going to get you the help you need . help that cammie and travis need . '' eve 's knees went weak and nearly gave out . she stumbled and braced her free hand on the countertop while donovan 's grasp tightened on her other hand as if to steady her . what if he reported her to child protective services ? in his place , eve certainly would . this was no place for a child , and it was equally obvious that eve was n't providing for cammie . he would be well within his rights to report his findings to the authorities , and then they 'd sweep in and take cammie-and travis-away from her . and eventually return them to their father when it was discovered who they were . she 'd be punished for what she 'd done . for taking desperate measures to protect her family . she simply could n't be separated from them and leave them at walt 's mercy . `` whatever the hell you 're thinking , stop , '' donovan said . `` i do n't know what 's going through your head right now , but eve , you can trust me . i realize that you do n't trust anyone . it 's also equally evident that you 're in some kind of trouble . or from maren .	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's gaze narrowed . `` do n't f**k me over , kristoff . '' what do i need brumley 's for ? besides , i have a lot of money riding on you taking him down first . so do n't let me down , eh ? '' `` about the guns , '' she said impatiently . kristoff got up from his seat , pushed a button and the far wall revolved , revealing an entire arsenal arranged on the inside wall . we 'll talk price after you make your selections . '' strode to the wall , examined a few of the weapons and then tossed one of the rifles in cole 's direction . he caught it and examined the m-16 . `` it 'll work , '' he said . she then tossed him a handgun . `` i 'm assuming these will fire , '' cole said in kristoff 's direction . kristoff immediately bristled . `` i sell only the finest arms . you wo n't find fault with any of my stock . '' chose her own weapons then tossed another smaller pistol in cole 's direction . `` give us what ammo we need and we 'll be on our way , '' p.j . said shortly . kristoff lifted an eyebrow . `` we have n't talked price yet . '' `` ten grand for the lot , '' she said coolly . american dollars . '' you picked six of my best pieces . '' `` you get ten or no deal . '' cole blinked , impressed with p.j . 's calm . kristoff looked pained for a long moment and then he sighed . `` only because i 'm planning to make twice as much when you take out brumley . but if you fail , i 'm coming after you for the other five grand . '' snorted and dug into her pocket , pulling out a wad of cash cole had n't even know she 'd had on her . she tossed the bills onto kristoff 's desk . kristoff meticulously counted each hundred-dollar bill and then went to a cabinet and pulled out boxes of ammo , setting each onto the desk . `` still providing curb service ? '' ca n't have you walking onto the street carrying all that shit . a car will be waiting at the end of the alley . i 'll have franz take your purchases . '' `` nice doing business with you , kristoff . i 'll do my best to make sure you win your bet . '' i 'm a very sore loser . '' chapter 34 p.j . sat at the small desk in the hotel room typing an email to katia while cole lay sprawled on the bed , eyes closed . she doubted he was asleep . she 'd known cole to go without sleep for days when the situation called for it . she 'd purposely not told him much in the way of details before they 'd flown to vienna because ... well , he would n't have gone , and worse , he would have carried out his threat to physically restrain her to keep her from going . brumley had n't just become another target , a mission she had to fulfill . he 'd become an obsession . when she slept at night , she saw him in her dreams . at times , she could feel the knife in her hands , and hear the gurgle of blood as he took his last breath . it was an image that haunted her day and night , and until she made it a reality , it would continue to haunt her . she hit send on the email but left her laptop open and her sound up so she 'd know the moment a response came in . then she crawled into bed next to cole and laid her head in the crook of his arm . as she 'd suspected , he was n't sleeping . he turned in to her immediately and wrapped his arm around her body , pulling her in even closer . `` so is this what you did for the six months you were gone ? '' `` hid out in shitty hotels , hung out in back-alley shady businesses with men named kristoff or befriended hookers ? '' `` basically yeah . i changed hotels every few days . i was always worried brumley would find me , especially after i made the first kill and left my signature so to speak . he had to have known it was me . especially when his right-hand man showed up the night he raped me with a knife wound to his back , reporting that i 'd escaped . '' cole let out a string of curses . `` i do n't know what pisses me off more . that you got involved in this at all or that you did n't trust me or your team enough to let us in on what was going down . '' `` would you drag the team into a personal vendetta , cole ? if you were planning to murder someone , would you really ask the team to back you up ?	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his taillights disappeared as he turned the corner and drove toward the employees ' designated parking area , joining a line of other vehicles . julie had just finished snapping the helmet strap under her chin when a sharp male voice spoke from somewhere behind her . oh , great , her father 's first day and she was going to have a confrontation with a security guard . `` hello , '' she said , smiling warmly . `` i 'm julie wilcoff . my father- '' `` i asked you to state your business . '' the man was no guard , julie could now see . he was tall , an inch or two more than her five foot eleven , and dressed in a dark suit , expensive , judging by the cut , although she did n't have a discerning eye when it came to fashion . he might have been handsome , but scowling as he was , he appeared intimidating and in no mood for excuses . his expression implied that she was lying . `` you 're not a student . '' `` no , i 'm a teacher . my father dropped me off here to show me where i should meet him tonight when he 's finished work . are you roy fletcher ? '' this could be the man her father had described ; his attitude certainly resembled that of the company owner . the man ignored her question . `` your father is dean wilcoff ? '' she had to bite back the urge to call him sir . it 'd been a long time since any man had intimidated her , and she was n't about to let it show . `` i did n't realize there were rules against riding bicycles in this complex . '' be on your way , '' he ordered , starting toward the front door . julie planted one hand on her hip and glared at him . `` i beg your pardon , '' she said in her best schoolteacher voice . how dare he speak to her like this ! he paused , and then with exaggerated patience , said , `` you 're free to go . '' `` in case you 're unaware of it , i was entitled to do so before . '' no wonder her father had taken a dislike to mr. high-and-mighty . he was , without exception , the most disagreeable person she 'd ever met . his arrogance was absolutely staggering . he turned his back on her and walked into the building . fuming , julie climbed on her bike and locked her cleats into the pedals . she rode hard , her anger driving her faster and faster as she left the complex and then merged with traffic on the main thoroughfare outside fletcher industries . she arrived at abraham lincoln a good ten minutes earlier than she 'd estimated . she parked her bicycle , still muttering to herself , and carefully took off her helmet . `` mornin ' , '' penny angelo , who taught english , said cheerfully as she passed the bicycle rack , briefcase in hand . julie managed a halfhearted greeting and then added , her outrage flaring back to life , `` you would n't believe what just happened . '' `` did you cross paths with a rude driver ? '' penny guessed , eyeing her ten-speed . `` no , a tyrant ! '' julie waited for her heart to stop pounding and exhaled slowly in an effort to regain perspective . she refused to let the encounter affect the rest of her day . `` it 's behind me now , '' she said , making a determined effort to put roy fletcher out of her mind . if it had been him . he had n't answered her question , but from his demeanor and attitude she could only assume she 'd run headlong into the company 's owner . despite her rough start that morning , julie had a good day . she enjoyed teaching ; she was strict but fair , and her students understood that and respected her for it . after her last class , julie changed out of her work clothes and back into her cycling gear and pedaled the five miles to fletcher industries . invigorated , she arrived at the spot her father had suggested . she had n't been there more than a few minutes when a uniformed guard approached . it seemed she was destined for trouble . probably mr. nose-in-the-air had ordered him to chase her off . well , if that was the case , she was ready . she had every right to be there , and she intended to point that out . wilcoff ? '' the young man asked politely . his name tag read jason . `` your father said he 'd be a bit late and asked that you meet him in his office . '' `` i 'll show you up . '' what a difference from the way she 'd been greeted that morning ! the guard indicated where she could park her bike and then led her into the building . entering the elevator , dressed as she was , julie felt a bit self-conscious .	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he spent a moment muttering about the soft hearts and interfering ways of women , then sighed with resignation and held his hand out to templetun . `` you may as well give me lord holden 's message , too . '' the other man 's eyebrows flew up in amazement at the request , a touch of fear mingling with suspicion in his eyes . `` it is not conjuring or anything , templetun , simply experience . i never receive a complaint from lady tiernay that i do not receive one from lord holden as well . besides , i saw his man ride in earlier and assumed he bore a message . there have been a few small uprisings innormandy , and i asked hethe to tend them for me . no doubt he is waiting to tell me he has done so . '' relaxing , the older fellow handed over the document in question . henry opened the scroll a bit irritably , displeased at having to explain himself . templetun had only worked in the capacity of his chaplain for the past couple of days - his usual chaplain was ill - but already henry was wishing for the latter 's speedy recovery . his replacement was entirely too nervous , superstitious , and seemed to be far too eager to lend credence to henry 's reputation of being the `` spawn of the devil . '' shaking his head , henry focused his attention on the parchment he now held . a moment later , it was a crumpled mass on the floor not far from the first , and henry had leapt up to pace before his throne . as he had expected , lord holden had cleaned up the little revolts innormandyand was on his way home . but he had also added a complaint or two about his neighbor . it seemed his chatelain was harassed mightily by the lady of tiernay and was beleaguering hethe with letters regarding the woman . in his turn , the hammer of holden had respectfully requested that his king do something about the woman ... or he , himself , would . it sounded very much like a threat , and it displeased henry greatly to be threatened by one of his vassals . in fact , if hethe were n't such a valued warrior and had not aided him so often in the past ten years , he would have seen him punished . but , unlike his father before him , hethe had been a great asset . he grimaced at the thought of the previous lord holden , hethe 's father . born the second son , gerhard had expected to be allowed to join a monastery and live out his life amongst the musty old papal scribblings he so adored . unfortunately , his eldest brother had died , forcing him to abandon those plans in favor of marriage and producing an heir . the man had taken out that displeasure on his son . to be honest , in henry 's opinion , gerhard had been a touch mad . fortunately , hethe had not yet shown the same tendency . unfortunately - for hethe , at least - he had not even shown the same love of learning his father had , and the two had not gotten along . gerhard 's hatred had driven the boy from his home and straight into henry 's service as soon as he earned his spurs . gerhard 's loss had been his own gain , henry decided . but that did n't relieve hethe of his responsibility to show his king respect . `` what the devil am i to do with these two ? '' `` i am not sure , my liege . what appears to be the problem , exactly ? '' templetun asked tentatively . `` i do realize they are both complaining - and from your reaction , i would say quite frequently - but about what , exactly ? '' henry turned to scowl down at him , opening his mouth to explain rather acerbically that his question had been rhetorical , when he changed his mind . instead , he said , `` each other . lady tiernay writes to 'warn me ' of her neighbor 's cruel and abusive behavior to his serfs and villeins , because she ' knows i would not wish to see any of my subjects so sorely mistreated. ' '' `` ah , '' templetun said again , biting back a smile at his king 's sarcastic imitation of a woman 's high-pitched voice . `` and lord holden ? '' henry gave a short laugh . `` he writes to say that lady tiernay is a nosy , harping busybody who makes his life hell . '' the new chaplain was silent for a moment , then murmured , `` did not lord holden 's wife die several years back ? '' and hethe has been my best warrior since . always ready for a fight , always away on campaign for me . `` did lady tiernay 's husband not die four or five years ago as well ? '' henry scowled briefly , then his expression cleared . `` oh , nay . lady tiernay is not married and has not been .	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`` i was coming over tomorrow and i was leaving on the next day . were you gon na wait until tomorrow to tell me ? that was a bad plan , '' i informed him pressing the three when we got into the elevator . i did n't look at jeremy . the look in his eyes was scaring me . i had to focus on how my dad was alive . `` i did n't want you to have time to back out of leaving . i think it 's what is best for you right now . '' my dad thought me running off to another state with cage york was what was best for me . was this a bad case of pneumonia ? before i could ask him about that the door opened and we walked out of the elevator . the first thing i saw was a woman standing there with a bandanna around her head . she did n't even have eyebrows . her skin was a sickly color but she smiled at me when our eyes met then she walked past me and got in the elevator . i followed daddy but i could feel jeremy 's eyes on me . i was n't going to look at him . even if he wanted me to . then a couple came by us and this man was bald too but he was n't covering his head . he was also in a wheel chair and i realized his leg was missing . glancing up i saw the lady pushing his wheel chair toward the elevator . two bald people ... i did n't look to see where dad was going . instead i slowly scanned my surroundings . maybe they were all in different stages but they all had a sickly pallor to their skin . and they were all bald . i reached over and grabbed the closest thing i could find . it was jeremy 's arm . at some point he 'd walked over to me . he had expected me to figure it out . he had known where we were going . it was hard to take deep breaths . jeremy 's arm came around me and he was talking to me . i did n't understand what he was saying but from the tone of his voice he was trying to ease my mind . i knew why my daddy had been throwing up blood . the cool hard plastic of a chair touched my back as jeremy eased me down into the seat . `` breathe , eva . take slow even breaths , '' he encouraged . i focused on breathing . i did n't think about where we were . `` he 's gon na need you to be strong . when he is n't around you can scream and cry and let it all out . completely break down and i 'll be there to help you but when he 's around you got ta be strong . you hear me , eva . he needs that from you , '' jeremy 's words confirmed my worst fear . i lifted my eyes and looked at jeremy 's worried face . the sorrow etched in his face answered for him . `` you need to let him talk to you . but right now get it together . he 's going to need you to be strong . '' i looked around and my eyes were once again focused . the nurse saw your face when you realized where we were . she saw me take you and she got your dad 's attention while i dealt with you but he 's gon na realize you 're gone any minute . you got ta be strong here . i did n't know everything . people were cured from this all the time . i did n't even know the specifics . i was cracking without even talking to my dad about it . he had his hair . why that made me feel better i do n't know but it did . dad 's voice snapped me out of my thoughts and i stood up and hurried back around the corner to see his worried expression as his eyes found me . `` i 'm right here , daddy , '' i said , walking over to him . `` do you want to go into the room and speak with the doctor with me ? if you do n't want to then you do n't have to but he can explain it better than i can . '' i nodded wondering if i needed jeremy with me in case i started to melt down again . daddy did n't mention jeremy going in with us . this was just us then . i could be strong for him . my phone started ringing in my purse . i handed it to jeremy . `` that 's cage . he 's probably here . could you talk to him and bring him up here to wait with you ? '' jeremy nodded and took my purse and walked back to the waiting area where he 'd taken me earlier . i would have cage when i came out of this room . he 'd be here and he 'd make everything okay . i reached down and grabbed daddy 's hand as we walked into the room the nurse directed us to . i did n't let go of his hand as we walked over to sit down in the two chairs sitting beside each other against the wall . we were in an examination room .	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all the more reason , ryan thought , to get this issue of sperling , inc. wrapped up and for this idyll in hunter 's landing to come to a close . `` in the meantime , '' dan continued . `` i 've already drafted a letter to webb , warning him his executive authority has ended and that all pending contracts negotiations and other matters are to be suspended . '' ryan thought about kelly 's contract . there was a time not too long ago when he would have made it a priority to pull the plug on distressed success as soon as he got control of sperling , inc . he doubted kelly had had a chance to sew up a deal with sperling stores- she certainly had n't given any indication to the effect during the time they 'd spent together . knowing his father , ryan figured he 'd just passed the matter along to underlings and gone on with his golf game or whatever the heck else he did these days . as dan began to drone on about the contract particulars , ryan 's mind stayed on kelly . it had been three days since he 'd last seen her . three days since the confrontation with brenda . in that time , he 'd been tied up with his bid to get control of sperling , inc . in addition , he had n't wanted to go by kelly 's place to hash things out if brenda was still hanging around . and , he admitted , he 'd expected kelly to put in an appearance at the lodge before now , no matter how much she might want to continue to avoid him . she 'd surprised him , however , by managing to stay away from the decorating job for three consecutive days . she was probably occupied with her unexpected houseguest , he told himself . but another part of him acknowledged that there was no reason to think she 'd softened toward him since monday . her sexual inexperience , once he 'd found out about it , had put a whole new spin on things . but contrary to what she believed , it was n't her inexperience in and of itself that had attracted him . rather , it was because it was further , definitive proof of what he 'd been seeing signs of all along , but had n't allowed himself to acknowledge : kelly was far different from her mother . he had no intention of leaving hunter 's landing without telling her so- just as soon as this damn issue with sperling , inc. was concluded . he was going to have it out with her and have her . again and again , until they were both mindless with pleasure . `` have you heard1 ? '' erica asked , when she showed up for her shift around lunchtime on tuesday . `` heard what ' ? '' kelly replied distractedly . she was doing some record keeping at her desk in her office at the back of distressed success . she 'd promised herself today would be the day she faced the music by going back to the lodge . she 'd also just run out of excuses , because erica had shown up and could cover for her at the shop . `` ryan sperling has taken over sperling department stores and ousted his father from his role as ceo and chairman of the board ! '' `` what9 where did you hear that ? '' `` i heard it on the radio on the drive over , '' erica said . `` you called webb just in time . '' kelly pulled out her computer keyboard , and with trembling fingers , she did a google search for ryan sperling and sperling department stores . a slew of hits came up , including a bunch of local news stories from the last few hours . she clicked on the first site listed and , when the article came up , scanned it rapidly . it appeared ryan had bought ownership shares in sperling , inc. from various family members , giving him a majority stake . his first order of business had been to remove his father from the chairmanship of the board and to strip him of his title of ceo . she sank back against the chair weakly , trying to digest the import of ryan 's takeover , her mind racing . out front , she heard the shop door open and close , and knew they had another customer . rotten timing , she thought , then rose and said to erica . `` i 'll get this one . '' at the very least , the customer miglit help take her mind off the bombshell that had just landed in her lap . she walked out to the front of the store , a polite smile on her face . `` can i help- `` she came to a halt . there facing her was none other than webb sperling . webb sperling fixed her with a dim smile as he looked her up and down . kelly felt her own smile fade . w'ebb 's eyes were pale- a washed-out blue , she remembered thinking once- and he looked as if he 'd put on a good fifteen or twenty pounds since she 'd last seen him more than a decade ago .	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she had to stop this ridiculous effect he was starting to have on her . what good would it do either one of them ? she paused with indecision . she did want him to stay , but she did n't want to give him the wrong impression either . constance had advised her to get on with the matter of consummating their marriage , and while lucy did desire to do so , she still felt as if there was a gaping canyon between herself and william . over the next few days , she would try to make more of an effort to develop a friendship between them , and once that happened , then ... she felt her cheeks begin to blush at the prospect of what they might then share . in the meantime , however , she simply shook her head . `` thank you , but i 'll be fine , '' she said . `` after all , it was just a dream . it was kind of you to come and see to me though . '' `` well then , '' he said , his voice completely even and devoid of all emotion , `` i wish you a good night . '' he rose , turned to go , and then paused . looking back over his shoulder he added , `` should you need anything , you know where to find me . '' lucy nodded her appreciation and then watched him go , his broad frame disappearing out of sight as he closed the connecting door between their bedrooms behind him . pausing for a moment outside her door , william expelled a breath that he had n't even realized he 'd been holding . he 'd hoped his outward display of sympathy and consideration would have chipped away at her barriers enough to grant him the opportunity to win a little more of her confidence-a confidence that had become essential to discovering her true motive for marrying him . but the determination to keep whatever secrets she had bottled up inside of her was all too apparent . time , he reasoned , coupled with patience and persistence would serve him far better than any display of the anger he felt coursing through his veins . it took every ounce of his willpower to stop his jaw from clenching and to stop the harsh words sitting on the tip of his tongue from spilling forth . and she made it no easier for him as she gazed back at him with a pair of big round eyes that effectively concealed her true , meddlesome nature . as she 'd sat there in bed , her slim figure propped slightly up against her pillow and her red hair fanned out behind her , she 'd looked as innocent as a newborn babe . when it came to the art of deception , william knew that he had met his match , yet it made him only more determined to discover the truth about her . crossing the floor with heavy steps , he shrugged out of his jacket , undid his cravat , and began rolling up his shirt sleeves . he needed a drink to calm his mood . truth was , he 'd never been more confused in all his life . considering how much he liked having a situation under his command , he hated feeling as though he 'd lost all control of his own life . he thought of lucy . nobody had ever confounded him more , and while he wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt , he also felt it prudent to tread with caution . he was n't about to risk having his heart broken . he scoffed at the notion , no chance of that happening as long as he did n't love her . and the way things were between them right now , it seemed unlikely that he ever would . forcing himself to ignore the ache in his chest , he went to the tray that always sat upon his dresser and reached for the crystal carafe that beckoned . he 'd just curled his fingers around the neck of it when a loud clatter reached his ears-it had come from lucy 's room . without pause , he ran across to the door and yanked it open , his eyes roaming the darkness that greeted him . `` i 'm quite all right , '' she replied . she sounded moderately embarrassed if he was n't mistaken . `` sort of , at least . '' returning to his own room momentarily , he grabbed an oil lamp and marched back into lucy 's room , instantly catching his breath . he asked , making a stoic attempt at keeping his voice level . it was damn near impossible though when his wife was standing there before him in nothing but her nightgown-her very translucent nightgown . he swallowed hard and tried to focus , but the more he did , the more aware he became of the slow heat that slid over him before settling in his groin , stirring him more vigorously than ever before . her body was that of a goddess-slim hps below a curvy waistline and above that ... his mouth grew dry and he swallowed again . heaven help him if those were n't the sort of br*sts that every man fantasized about-plump and perky as they strutted against the flimsy fabric in a seemingly eager attempt to escape .	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she was letting go of her anger because it had no place in her life . it solved nothing , but forgiveness and understanding ... those could solve everything . she was done with anger and bitterness . she was ready to move on , but she had no intention of moving on without dane mitchell . there was the sound of a door opening , and landon walked in . his blue eyes found hers , and she was shocked at how her heart pounded in her chest at the very sight of him . he nodded toward piper . `` it 's piper , lan . in a couple of days we 'll be family , and no one in my family calls me your highness . well , except for my sister , but it sounds more like your high ass . she 's a classy one , my little sis . '' lan 's smile made him beam . `` i 'm excited to meet her . i 'm also excited that coop 's family is going to descend on the palace tomorrow morning . i think it might be the first time that monstrosity tal calls a plane gets completely filled . '' alea could n't wait to meet cooper 's family . she just hoped she could remember all their names . there were six brothers and five of them were married with eleven kids between them . but first , she had a job to do . lan put a hand on her hair , smoothing it back . `` always , lea . you 're sure the doc said it was all right ? '' he was killing her , treating her like she was made of glass . `` lan , have you ever heard of pregnancy hormones ? '' i have a load of those . '' she also proved she had alea 's back . `` but it 's okay because your men are taking care of you , right ? '' she was so glad piper was on her side . they 're not taking care of me . they 're very gently making love to me , but only once since we got back and only cooper . '' lan went a stark red . `` lea , baby , should we be talking about this ? '' piper stood up and wagged a finger at him . pregnant women need sex . crazy , dirty , nasty sex . so , you liked hav*g sx with her so much that she got pregnant , but now that she 's expecting , you 've lost interest . is that the way it is ? '' god ... n-no , not at all . i 'm so horny ... . '' he shut his mouth and started to laugh . `` this is one of those times when you two are having fun with me , is n't it ? if you 're going to make it a royal decree that i get down and nasty with the love of my life and share her with my best friends , then i have no choice . i have to follow a royal order . do you have the key to the dungeon , piper ? cooper is going to get dane down there in twenty minutes . '' piper smiled and handed over a key . the bed is in the back if you decide to stay down there . there 's also a phone that goes directly to the kitchen . we had that installed a few months back because kade gets hungry when he 's playing . i 'll keep tal busy elsewhere . '' lan took her hand and started to lead her down the hall . she threaded her fingers through his , but worry still swamped her . lan looked down at her . `` do i want to play bondage games with the most beautiful woman in the world ? `` you have n't seemed to want me lately . '' he 'd been perfectly polite and he 'd said all the right things , but he had n't made love to her . `` i said some terrible things when we first arrived at the palace . i was reeling and i did n't mean them . and- '' `` stop . lea , i love you . the last few days have been rough . you almost died , baby . i 'm so worried that i 'll do the wrong thing . '' `` i 'm not fragile , lan . '' `` you sure felt that way when you jumped off the balcony and into my arms . if i had been off , if i 'd tripped or stumbled , i would have lost both you and the baby . '' `` oh , you never would have done that . you would n't have dropped me . why do you think i just jumped ? i realize now that no matter what way i would have gone , someone would have saved me . cooper came in through the back rooms of the suite so he would have found me in the bedroom . dane came in through the front . and you were going to climb right up to the balcony . i was protected on all sides . she did n't have a chance . '' `` she had a chance to take a shot at you . '' `` do n't , lan . i want this afternoon to be perfect . our baby is alive .	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["matter", 3755], ["mattering", 3755], ["go", 3782], ["goest", 3782], ["gone", 3782], ["save", 3809], ["saved", 3809], ["come", 3826], ["came", 3826], ["room", 3852], ["roomed", 3852], ["rooms", 3852], ["suite", 3865], ["bedroom", 3906], ["front", 3939], ["climb", 3969], ["protect", 4011], ["protectest", 4011], ["protected", 4011], ["side", 4024], ["sidest", 4024], ["sides", 4024], ["chance", 4052], ["chanced", 4052], ["chancing", 4052], ["take", 4085], ["shot", 4092], ["afternoon", 4144], ["perfect", 4158], ["perfectest", 4158], ["alive", 4178]]
there are about thirty people there , spread out in the living room and kitchen , mingling and talking against the backdrop of low music . it 's a totally different vibe than their usual raging parties . unfortunately , stacia is one of the few guests here . she grins at me coyly . i know she hates my friendship with jase , and i hate her very existence . it 's a strange thing that all of that is communicated in a single glance shared between us . i find jase in the kitchen , a bottle of beer dangling from his hand , and a cool , easy smile on his lips as he talks to trey . i take a moment just to admire him across the room . it 's nice to see him relaxed like this . his hip is leaning against the counter , his feet crossed at the ankles . hist-shirt is a size too small and hugs his biceps nicely . i let out a contented sigh and saunter toward him . jase 's eyes find mine and his smile widens . `` whistle ! get your hot ass over here . '' he reaches for me once i 'm close and pulls me to his side . part of me absolutely loves how close we 're becoming . part of me is terrified by it . jase does n't yet know my past , and i have no idea how things will pan out when he does . but when the heavy weight of his arm curls around my waist and pulls me close , all my fears vanish . standing at his side , i can pretend for just a moment that i belong here , that all is okay . i smile at his dumbass friend trey , tap my feet to the music and gratefully take the can of soda jase passes me . jase is still watching me , his brilliant blue eyes sparkling . i love the way he looks at me , but it 's getting me all flustered . my eyes reluctantly leave his , only to be assaulted by two sorority girls eagerly making out for show . i ca n't un-see that . yes , because i wanted to develop eye-cancer tonight . i 'm just gon na run to the bathroom . '' all these overdressed girls have me wanting to go check my reflection . jase nods and removes his warm arm from my waist . i round the corner and run smack into stacia . she staggers back , her eyes unfocused as she takes me in . she 's drunk again . if she thinks she 's staying the night in jase 's room , she 's wrong . hell , i 'll stay there myself just to be sure . the thought makes my stomach flip . i plant my hands on my hips , mentally preparing for the showdown she 's intent we have . `` excuse me , can i go by ? '' i say , struggling to keep my voice calm . she rolls her eyes , pointing a manicured finger in my face . `` you wo n't last , you know . he 'll sleep with you , then move on like he does with all the rest . i 'm the only one who sticks around . it 's always been that way and always will be . '' i push my shoulders back and fake a confidence i do n't feel . `` back off , stacia . i 'm seeing jase . wow , that popped out of nowhere , but maybe it 's at least partially true . `` not exclusively , '' she returns , batting her eyelashes , leaving me to wonder what the hell she means . she 's rendered me momentarily speechless . bitter words die on my tongue , and i shove my way around her . fighting my way into the bathroom , i slump against the door and breathe . a pale , wide-eyed girl stares back at me . i hate stacia . i hate that i let her get to me . i do n't know what jase and i have ; i only know i do n't want her having any part of it . i give myself a pep-talk , use the restroom , wash my hands and then attempt to rejoin the party . only i 'm stopped in my tracks again , this time by something a million times worse than facing off with stacia . marcy capri , with the same frizzy blond hair she had in high school , is standing in the hall , deep in conversation with stacia . i slip around the corner before they spot me , my heart staggering and tripping over itself . every part of me shakes and my head is a mess . i do the only thing i can think to do . i reach in my pocket , drag out my whistle and blow it as hard as i can . chapter 17 jase the shrill whistle cuts through the air with an insistent blast . avery ... i shove past bodies to follow the sound and find her alone in the hallway . she 's slumped against the wall , knees drawn up to her chest ... and she 's crying . i scoop her up in my arms , carry her to the nearby bathroom and lock the door behind us . i set her on the counter and push her hair back from her face .	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1583], ["ways", 1583], ["look", 1592], ["looks", 1592], ["get", 1618], ["getting", 1618], ["reluctantly", 1657], ["left", 1663], ["leave", 1663], ["assault", 1690], ["assaulted", 1690], ["two", 1697], ["twos", 1697], ["sorority", 1706], ["girl", 1712], ["girls", 1712], ["eagerly", 1720], ["show", 1740], ["ca", 1747], ["cas", 1747], ["un", 1754], ["yes", 1769], ["develop", 1799], ["developest", 1799], ["eye", 1803], ["eyed", 1803], ["cancer", 1810], ["tonight", 1818], ["gon", 1834], ["na", 1837], ["nas", 1837], ["run", 1841], ["bathroom", 1857], ["overdress", 1884], ["overdressing", 1884], ["overdressed", 1884], ["go", 1912], ["goest", 1912], ["check", 1918], ["reflection", 1932], ["nod", 1944], ["nods", 1944], ["remove", 1956], ["removes", 1956], ["warm", 1965], ["round", 1993], ["corner", 2004], ["smack", 2018], ["stagger", 2045], ["staggerest", 2045], ["staggers", 2045], ["back", 2050], ["take", 2084], ["takes", 2084], ["drunk", 2105], ["think", 2127], ["thinkest", 2127], ["thinks", 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ryan slid the case file across to melody , and he and melissa left the room , melissa casting a longing glance back at logan . as the door closed behind them , melody sat back in her chair , crossing her arms over her chest . logan leaned forward , resting his hands on the table . `` it 's good to see you again , melody . '' he smiled , then grew serious . but she noticed the smile never really left his eyes . `` but i get the feeling you 're not so happy to see me . '' you took advantage of me when i was at my lowest ... when i was drunk ... on that hateful macallan of yours ! '' melody was surprised by the rising pitch of her voice and took a breath , glancing at the closed conference room door , trying to rein in her emotions . `` we had a one-night stand , nothing more . and now i 'm your attorney . we should put this behind us ; for one thing , it 's not going to do any good for your case if anyone knows what happened . '' `` melody , i did n't take advantage of anything that was n't offered . you were there , a bit hazy around the edges , but you were absolutely there with me . '' logan walked around the table , sitting in the chair next to melody . before she could roll her chair away , he grabbed the armrests , turning her to face him . they were close enough that his knees brushed against her legs . `` listen to me , melody . what may have been a one-night stand to you was much more than that for me . i meant what i said in my note ; i had every intention of calling you , of seeing you again when i came back to new york . but this shite with ashton exploded during the middle of the band 's tour . it 's taken all of my time and energy to hold the band together long enough to perform each night . it 's been driving me crazy that i have n't called you . '' logan reached for her hand and she resisted pulling it back from him . the touch of his fingers on her skin sent a small , and not wholly unwelcomed , tingle through her body . `` melody , you 're all i 've thought about since that night . i 've wanted to call , believe me , i did . but i wanted to see you , to touch you again . i thought whatever it was between us was all too new to trust to just talking over the phone . maybe i was wrong , but i did n't know what else to do . '' melody was watching logan closely ; saw what she hoped-wished , maybe-was sincerity in his face , in his voice . she wanted to believe him , if only because it made her feel less like a fool he took advantage of and more like maybe this could be the beginning of something between them . after the case ... `` logan , this , whatever it was ... is ... it 's all confusing right now . '' she slowly pulled her hand away from his , not missing the hurt look that briefly clouded his gaze . `` let 's concentrate on the case for now , okay ? that 's the real reason you 're here , not me . '' she picked up her pen , pulling her legal pad closer . logan tilted his head , a slight frown creasing his forehead . `` i mean , i did ask for you to represent me . you 're the only one i 'd trust with this , and not just because i bedded you once . you have an excellent reputation . marshall wanted to represent me himself but i insisted it be you . '' melody tapped her pen on the table , frowning . ryan had said nothing about logan 's request . nothing was making sense today . the only solid thing she had to grasp at the moment was the case , even as nebulous as that was at the moment . she closed her eyes briefly , taking a deep breath , gathering her thoughts . first , let 's get started on the case . that 's here , in front of us , something tangible . we can sort out the rest later . '' `` later ... i like the sound of that . '' melody had no choice but to smile . logan was nothing if not charming and charismatic . that she remembered well from their night together . maybe this would n't be so bad after all , she mused . concentrate , melody . you 're working here , not planning a date . logan and melody spent the next hour going over the details of ashton 's involvement as logan 's manager , the relationship between ashton and the band , and logan 's solo career . she 'd filled several pages of her legal pad with notes before she was satisfied . melody finally tossed her pen on the table , sitting back in her chair , looking over the case file . `` i think we have enough to get started .	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`` now tell me about shea so i can give grace something when she comes around . '' `` she 's not happy with you or me at the moment , '' sam said dryly . `` when i told her that you 'd called , she immediately wanted to talk to her sister . telling her it was n't possible because i did n't exactly know where you were was n't one of my more favorite moments in my leadership capacity . '' `` no , i do n't imagine it was . '' `` but she 's fine . tell grace she 's doing far better than grace herself is from the sound of it . nathan is taking very good care of her . she 's desperate to reconnect with grace , and she asked me to pass along that she 's felt close to the path more than once . she wanted grace to keep trying . '' `` i will , '' rio said in a somber voice . `` grace has been trying . it hurts her that she 's been unable to forge that path again . if you could talk to shea again , tell her ... look , i know grace had n't wanted shea to see what all she 's endured . but grace needs her help . she would n't want me to say it . she would n't want me to involve shea , but right now i 'll take whatever i can get . she 's not doing well , sam , '' he said bluntly . `` if shea can somehow break through to her , i think it would make a world of difference . i need ... i 'll do whatever it takes to get her back . '' `` what the hell happened out there , rio ? '' rio hesitated a moment and then said , `` someone i trusted took advantage of what grace is able to do . he put her in a position where she could n't say no , and she was in no condition to be healing another . she nearly died when i found her , and now she lies here hovering between life and death , fighting a battle that i ca n't help her with . '' `` you care for her . more than just in a capacity of the mission . '' rio dth # x2went silent , refusing to acknowledge sam 's realization . `` i should have seen it when you jumped on this mission the way you did , '' sam murmured . `` i 'm sorry things are n't good , man . i 'll talk to shea immediately . nathan wo n't be happy about it but he ca n't very well tell shea she ca n't help her sister out . particularly when grace helped nathan and swanny when swanny was injured during their escape . '' `` i appreciate it , sam , '' rio said in a low voice . he hated asking for anything , but for grace , he 'd set aside his pride . he 'd do anything to get her back . `` tell me when , rio . i 'll have everyone in position on your go . '' `` i 'll contact you in forty-eight hours . hopefully the situation here will have changed for the better by then . '' `` i 'll be waiting , '' sam said . `` we all will be . '' rio ended the call , and then returned to where grace lay so quiet and still on the bed . he sat on the edge , angling his body so that he could see her face . he reached out to touch her , flinching at the chill of her skin and how pale and translucent her face was . she looked so vulnerable and defenseless even though rio knew her to be far from it . she had the courage and resiliency of the strongest of warriors . `` come back to me , grace , '' he whispered . fight this , baby . fight one more time . come back to the people who love you . '' grace knew she was dying and it pissed her off . her body just sort of accepted it , lying there like it was already dead and her brain just had n't gotten the message . it was as if it had endured enough and finally just shut down . her natural ability to heal was n't responding as it normally did . the dark shadows of death clung to her , enveloping her in their uncomfortable embrace . the longer she drifted as she did , the more the darkness crept in until she existed in that dark place . a world with no lights . it was the ultimate dark room , the bedroom with no night light . it was scary and overwhelming , and the longer it went on , the more she seemed to drift farther away from where she knew she wanted to be . it was hard to separate herself from the child she 'd saved . she no longer knew where one began and the other left off . it would be so easy to just let go and drift away to a much more comfortable place . the shadows whispered to her . beckoned her gently , a soft lullaby that soothed her soul . but each time she thought that she would give in , she was pulled back by an unseen force . a will much stronger than her own in its current state .	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her fingers cut into his skin and her breaths left her lips in soft little bursts . her br*sts shook with each thrust , and his hands left the edge of the counter to cup the supple mounds . his thumbs brushed the tips in rapid strokes to mimic the motion of his hips . fire centered in his groin , balled in a painful knot and then exploded outward into his gut and to his balls . his release lurked , menacing in its power , and he stopped , wanting to prolong the moment . he rested against her , his sac pressed against her ass , his dick completely encased in her heat . she twitched and pulsed around him and she twisted restlessly , telling him without words that she needed more . he withdrew , and the ache intensified as she rippled across his length . he pushed forward again , taking care even as his mind screamed at him to take her as hard and as rough as he could . he reined in that urge and sank deep , then stood motionless before repeating the act all over again . his release drew his balls up , so tight it hurt , and when he plunged deep again , it shot up his cock . he spilled hot and liquid even as his hps jerked spasmodically against her . he dropped his hand down her body , let it slide over the tight ball of her stomach and then dipped between them through the soft curls until he found the tiny nub of flesh between her folds . she gasped , arched up , and he pressed in , rotating in a tight circle until he felt her flutter around his cock . he thrust one last time and she cried out . her hands fell from his shoulders and she gripped the edge of the counter , her knuckles going white . he rolled his thumb over her cl*t and she went liquid around him . he continued to slide back and forth , until finally he slipped from the welcoming grasp of her body . he stood , trying to squeeze air into his tortured lungs . his knees shook and he 'd never felt so limber , so completely satisfied , in his life . he leaned forward , gathered her in his arms and rested his forehead against hers as they both struggled for breath . her soft blue gaze found his , and she smiled , a gesture he felt to his toes . `` well , it was almost a closet . '' he laughed and kissed her and wondered not for the first time how he could ever stand to let her go . chapter 19 `` this blows , '' rusty complained as she stared at the television set in boredom . marlene kelly gave her one of those enduring motherly looks that suggested she did n't appreciate rusty 's assessment . frank made a grunt from his seat in the recliner and rubbed a hand over his chest . `` you 'll make this a lot easier if you keep a decent attitude , young lady . '' rusty nearly groaned . she hated the young lady bit . frank pulled it out only when he was calling her down about something , and it made her feel about two inches tall . amazing how he could do that without ever raising his voice . she and the `` parents '' had been herded into some podunk little house several miles away from dover , all in the name of safety , and here they sat twiddling their thumbs like morons while sam and company were off saving the world , or at least the chick sam had been dumb enough to knock up . donovan was out playing superhero with rio and company . maybe they 'd do something cool like plant explosives to keep the bad dudes away . `` if it were n't for missing school , this would double blow , '' she muttered . `` at least the eye candy is n't bad . '' frank rolled his eyes and looked over at marlene . `` you see , this is why we did n't have girls . they 're all hormonally deranged . '' frank rubbed absently at his chest and grimaced . he shifted in his seat but never moved his palm . `` frank , is something wrong ? '' marlene asked in a worried tone . `` nah , just a case of indigestion . i wonder if they have any antacids around here . place seems stocked well enough . '' rusty snorted , but she got up from the couch and headed toward the kitchen . well stocked ? well stocked would be having something to do in this godforsaken place . they did n't even have cable tv , so they were stuck watching two of the major networks , and she hated sitcoms . she rummaged around in the cabinets but did n't find anything that resembled antacid . she did find some ibuprofen , so she shook out a few of the pills and poured a glass of milk from the fridge . she returned to the living room and handed frank the glass of milk . `` no antacid , but is n't milk supposed to help ? i got you some pain stuff . frank smiled and took the medicine from her outstretched palm . `` thank you , rusty . i 'm sure this will do the trick . 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her hips rocked against his , the thick length of his arousal pressing against her stomach with delicious promise of what they could have together . although not soon enough . urgency throbbed through her , pulsing into a delicious ache between her legs . he swept aside her hair and kissed along the sensitive curve of her neck , nipping ever so lightly against her pulse . she hummed her approval and scratched gently over his back , along his shoulders , then down again to yank at his shirt . she could n't get rid of their clothes fast enough . if she gave herself too long to think , too many practical reasons to stop would start marching through her mind- a cool whoosh of air swept over her . she opened her eyes to see rowan standing beside the sofa . well , not standing exactly , but halfway bent over , his hands on his legs as he hauled in ragged breath after breath . his arousal was unmistakable , so why was he pulling away ? she tried again to form a coherent sentence . he stared at her in the moonlight , his chest rising and falling hard , like he 'd run for miles . his expression was closed . his eyes inscrutable . `` good night , mariama . '' her brain could n't make his words match up with what she was feeling . `` good night ? `` i need to stop now . '' he tucked his shirt in as he backed away . `` things are getting too intense . '' she refused to acknowledge the twinge of hurt she felt at his words . she was n't opening her emotions to this man . she brazened it out , still committed to re-creating the amazing feelings from her dream . `` that intensity we were experiencing about twenty seconds ago was a good thing . '' `` it will be good , mari . damn , but he confused her . she hated feeling like the student in need of remedial help . the one who did n't `` get '' it . `` um , hello , rowan . `` i just need for you to be sure . '' he backed away another step , his hair tousled from her hungry fingers . `` see if you feel the same in the morning . good night , mariama . '' he pivoted into his room and closed the door behind him . mari sagged back on the sofa , befuddled as hell . what was his game here ? he bound her to him by enlisting her help with the baby . he clearly wanted her . yet , he 'd walked away . she 'd been with men-two . the first was a one-night stand that had her clamping her legs shut for years to come after she 'd learned he 'd only wanted access to her family . then one long-term deal with a man who 'd been as introverted as her . their relationship had dissolved for lack of attention , fading into nothing more than convenient sex . and then not so convenient . still , the breakup had been messy , her former lover not taking well to having his ego stung over being dumped . he 'd been a real jerk . whereas rowan was being a total gentleman . not pushing . not taking advantage . and he was driving her absolutely batty . * * * holding back had threatened to drive rowan over the edge all night long . at least now he could move forward with the day . the salty morning breeze drifted through the open shutters as he tucked his polo shirt into his jeans , already anticipating seeing mari . walking away from her last night had been almost impossible . but he was making progress . she wanted him and he needed this to be very , very reciprocal . so he needed to move on with his plan to romance her . neither of them had a presentation at the conference today . he suspected it would n't take much persuasion to convince her to skip out on sitting through boring slide presentations and rubber chicken . during his sleepless night , he 'd racked his brain for the best way to sweep her off her feet . she was n't the most conventional of women . he 'd decided to hedge his bets by going all out . he 'd started off with the traditional stuff , a flower left on her pillow while she 'd been in the shower . he 'd also ordered her favorite breakfast delivered to her room . he planned to end the day with a beachside dinner and concert . all traditional `` dating '' fare . the afternoon 's agenda , however , was a bit of a long shot . but then he figured it was best to hedge his bets with her . she 'd seemed surprised by the breakfast , and he could have sworn she was at least a little charmed by his invitation to spend the day together . although he still detected a hint of wariness . but reminding her of how they could appease the press into leaving her alone by feeding them a story persuaded her . he just prayed the press conference went smoothly . rowan opened his bedroom door and found mari already waiting for him in the sitting area with issa cradled in her arms .	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["arm", 4660], ["arms", 4660]]
she attempted to move , then panicked even more when she realized her arms were tied to something . she struggled for several long minutes , the ropes securing her arms , tearing into her flesh . finally , the pain was overwhelming and she lay back silently . calm down , you have to keep calm , she told herself . she slowly turned her head and looked around the small , dim room . she was tied to an old army cot and no matter how hard she tugged , she knew there was no chance of breaking either the rope or the metal bed . she had to figure out another way to get free . taking several deep breaths , bree strained her ears to see if she could hear anything . were her attackers nearby ? she could n't hear a sound . she listened a while longer before giving up . no one was coming after her for at least a few minutes . that gave her time to break free . she strained her memory to figure out the last thing she remembered . she could recall being in the van with several huge men , then the world going black . they must have chloroformed her . that would explain her raging headache . she focused on her surroundings . she was in a small room with the windows boarded up . it looked like a house , maybe an abandoned one . she did n't know her location . even if she managed to break free , she could be in the middle of a huge farm , for all she knew . she tried not to let hopelessness wash through her . she was an anderson , and they did n't give up . her father would lecture her for years if she were to throw in the towel . her wrist throbbed horribly , but the ropes were n't overly tight . she had nothing but time so she started working on the knots , grateful she could move her hands between the ropes . after what seemed like hours , she was ready to start crying . they were n't budging . she heard footsteps and froze . there was a sound like someone inserting a key into a lock , then her door started opening . she made her body lay motionless and shut her eyes . `` how much crap was on that cloth ? '' someone snapped . i just doused it , '' another man spoke . `` if she does n't wake up , we 're dead . make sure she 's breathing , '' the first voice said . she heard footsteps , then a large hand wrapped around her neck , lying against her chest . she forced herself not to panic and to take deep , even breaths , but it was difficult as the man 's hands lingered too long . when he finally pulled away , his hand slipped across her br**sts , making her skin crawl . `` she 's still alive , '' the guy snarled , as if he could care less one way or the other . `` why do n't we try to wake her ? i can think of a few ways that could be fun for all of us . '' bree shuddered inwardly and hoped the fear of their boss was great enough for them to leave her be . there was no way she could fight them off in the position she was in . she fought against shuddering as another hand stroked her body . it took all her strength not to tense as his hands moved over her still form . `` tempting , but i do n't feel like getting shot , '' the man creepily whispered . the other guy whined . `` she 'd tell him , dumb ass , '' the man snapped . `` who 's to say she wo n't make something up anyway ? we may as well get some pleasure if he 's going to think we did it . '' the other guy hesitated and she could tell he was starting to cave to his friend 's wishes . she swallowed back the tears pressing against her throat . she had a feeling her life was about to take a horrible turn for the worse . she pictured her family , chad , and a hot summer day . she could survive this - she was strong , she tried to convince herself , but when the man 's hand landed on her thigh , she knew she could n't . `` pete , dave , get down here , '' another voice yelled from what sounded like the bottom of a staircase . she must be on a top floor . that was at least somewhat helpful if she managed to get the ropes untied . `` what makes him the boss ? '' one of the men growled and the hand tightened on her thigh and moved upward for a second . she thought they were going to ignore the order . she was getting ready to kick her legs out . she knew they 'd win , but she would fight for all she was worth . the voice yelled even louder . the hand finally left her leg and she heard the welcome sound of the two men retreating from her room . the door shut and she lay silently as she listened to them move down the stairs . she realized they had n't re-locked her door . it was a sliver of hope in her seemingly hopeless world . if she could somehow get the ropes off , then maybe she could get out of the house .	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`` but i 'm willing to play if you want , honey . i do n't mind if you like it rough . '' lexi growled and lashed out at zach with her fists . from the corner of his eye , drake saw helen start to make a dash toward thomas and the old woman , but drake was faster . he snagged her by looping an arm around her waist and pulling her up against his chest . as soon as he had her soft , curvy body against his , his brain started to shut down . from a vague , fuzzy distance , he could feel her fighting to free herself , pushing and pulling at his arm . he could hear her frightened voice calling her friends ' names . he could sense the panic inside her , the frantic strength that increased with every swift beat of her heart . he just could n't seem to figure out what it all meant or what he should do . all he knew was he could n't let her go . this whole situation had gone completely out of control , but he just did n't care . he had helen in his arms , reluctant as she was , and he did n't hurt anymore . for the first time in decades , he felt good . it was such a shock that it left him reeling , staring stupidly at the part between her silky , dark braids . he wanted to bend down and kiss the smooth skin at the nape of her neck so bad it made him shake . drake had bent to do just that when his grip failed and helen slipped out of his grasp . pain slammed into him with a tangible force that drove him to his knees right there on the chipped tile floor . power flooded him and ripped through his veins , hammering his bones with pounding agony . he was sure every one of them had been broken , that his organs had been pulverized . nothing else could explain so much pain . the power he housed inside his body had grown slowly , steadily , over the course of years . the pressure had increased over decades , giving him a chance to get used to the pain it caused . but now it all came flooding back inside him in the space of an instant and his brain could n't adjust . his body could n't function . at the gray edges of his mind , he heard himself scream , a terrible , high-pitched noise . he knew he was dying , but right now that was a good thing . it would all be over soon , but it could n't be soon enough . helen was n't sure what she 'd done to vision man to send him to his knees , but she did n't stop to worry about it . miss mabel was still trying to get away from the big bruiser who held her , and it looked as though she was running out of steam . lexi , on the other hand , was holding her own against the third man . he 'd pushed her down so that she was almost lying on the counter near the cash register . `` stop fighting me before you hurt yourself , '' he told her . lexi knocked the toothpick dispenser to the floor , making it spew toothpicks everywhere . she got one knee between them and pushed , but it did n't work . the man simply pressed his body down harder onto hers until she had no room to maneuver . her hand fumbled over the counter until she found the metal stand used to collect order tickets and jammed the sharp spike into her captor 's arm . he looked down at the metal sticking out of his skin and smiled . `` good shot , woman . '' he sounded as if he was proud of lexi , which was completely insane , but at least lexi was still able to fight . miss mabel was n't , and helen was n't sure how she was going to get her free . the man who held her was huge . tall , wide , muscular . he probably outweighed her and miss mabel put together . `` let her go , '' demanded helen , racking her brain for what to do now . pick up a chair and hit him ? no , she might hit miss mabel . throw a sugar shaker at his head ? she might be able to hit him without hitting her friend . helen was out of ideas , so she went with the best one she had . she grabbed for the closest sugar shaker , but before she could throw it , the giant stepped forward and simply handed miss mabel to helen . she was n't sure what had changed his mind , but she did n't question her good fortune . she gladly took over the job of supporting miss mabel . he was careful with her frail body , gentle . he took his time making the transfer and then when she was clear , he shot to the floor , where vision man was writhing . `` need a little help here with drake when you 're done playing with the girl . '' the man who had pinned lexi-zach-let her go , ripped the spike out of his arm , and set it back on the counter , bloody tickets still in place .	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when his body relaxed , he released his hold on her , and ari had no doubt his passion would leave its mark on her flesh . that thought only made her excitement and passion begin to build again . only with rafe had she ever felt so possessed . he could do it anytime he wanted . `` i lose control with you , ari . i 've never experienced that with any other woman , '' rafe said as she turned and looked at him . she could n't tell if he was apologizing or just stating a fact . `` i would n't have it any other way , '' she said , lifting her hand to caress his cheek . `` mmm , '' he said , a slight grin lifting the corner of his mouth . without warning , he swept her up into his arms as he moved toward their bathroom , not stopping until he reached the shower . with a turn of the knob , he started the strong jet and stepped inside with her , gently setting her down and facing her toward the water , where the spray began flowing over her still-sensitive skin . when he moved her so the spray hit her ni**les , she cried out and tried to move . rafe held her in place , and ari 's body began to shake . `` we have all night , baby , '' he whispered in her ear before his hand moved down her stomach and he found her swollen womanhood . all night turned out to last until the sun began rising in the sky . ari fell asleep a very satisfied woman , with rafe wrapped around her . mmm , she would be extremely happy to have her controlling lover at night , and her sweet fiance during the day . it was the best of both worlds . of all possible worlds . if it could last forever , that would n't be long enough . chapter twenty-four would you please accompany me on a date tonight ? adriane . rachel looked at the note with suspicion . what was this new game ? was he actually attempting to court her ? was he asking because now there were witnesses around and he was afraid that one wrong move would send her away from the island on the next available boat or chopper ? she was determined to get to know this man as much as she could for the sake of her unborn children . if it took going out on a date with him to accomplish her goals , then that is what she needed to do . `` tell the king i would be pleased to accompany him , '' she told the servant who was standing by awkwardly while awaiting rachel 's response . the girl beamed a smile her way before telling rachel the time to be ready and then giving a small curtsy and scuttling away to inform her king that his message had received a positive response . rachel supposed she 'd been a little harsh with the palace staff , but what else should they expect when she was held against her will ? of course she would be testy . upon finishing her bath a couple of hours later , rachel stepped into her room , then stopped at the sight before her . hanging on a rack that must have been brought in while she 'd been soaking in the deep tub was an incredible red gown . walking to it , she smiled as her hand ran along the silky fabric , which was dotted with shining crystals . the skirt was full , and the dress looked like a perfect fit . since she 'd been brought here without anything formal of her own , she had n't even thought about what she would wear , but adriane had apparently taken care of that matter . she could be bratty and refuse to wear the lovely gown , but deep down she wanted to put it on , so she relented . carefully taking the gown off the hanger , she slipped on a pair of her fancy undergarments , then stepped into the dress , sliding the side zipper up before turning to look in the mirror . it was stunning , and it made her feel like ... royalty , actually . the gown 's top dipped low in front , hugging her chest and waist before flaring at her hips , hiding the small bump that was forming on her lower stomach and accenting her femininity and sex appeal . she stepped into the crystal-covered heels with delicate straps that completed the outfit . she was starting to really look forward to her night out . `` this is not a date - just a night to get to know adriane better , '' she said aloud to her reflection in the mirror . she would have to remind herself of that often if she hoped to keep her heart untouched . it would be too easy to be swept off her feet in her condition . after applying a fresh coat of lip gloss , rachel was ready when she heard a knock on her door . she turned just in time to see adriane step through her doorway , and it took a moment for her to catch her breath . standing before her in a hand-tailored tuxedo and holding a single rose in his hand , adriane was drop-dead gorgeous . it did n't hurt that he was looking at her with unalloyed pleasure .	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nineteen celia sipped her hot chocolate and stared over her dad 's backyard to the ocean in the distance . she 'd always loved the view here . his house was perched on a cliff , though it was situated a good distance from the drop-off . as a child , after reading about mudslides , she 'd been convinced that they 'd fall into the ocean . her brothers had told her it was far more likely they 'd fall off in an earthquake . she shook her head at the memory of how they liked to torment her . it was peaceful here , and not for the first time , she wondered why she 'd been so anxious to move away . true , her family could be overbearing at times , but they loved her . they were loyal and they 'd do anything in the world for her . that was n't something to run away from . it was something to hold on to and never let go . no , she would n't leave again . she was through discovering the world . her world was here . where her family lived . the sliding-glass doors opened and noah stepped out . she turned all the way around in her chair to greet him , but stopped when she saw the expression on his face . `` i was about to say good morning , '' she said as he came over and plopped down beside her . he sighed and held out another newspaper . `` i thought about not showing you this , but i knew if something was being said about me , i 'd want to know about it so i would n't be blindsided . '' dread began low in her stomach . she stared fearfully at the extended paper . then her disgust overcame her apprehension and she plucked it from his hand . there in black and white for the entire bay area to see was a detailed account of all that had happened in new york . oh , it was ablatant smear campaign . it was written in the guise of an article announcing the deal brokered between reese enterprises and maddox communications . it detailed her job history , colorful as it was , to the present and hinted broadly about there being a relationship between her and evan . nothing was left to the imagination . everything she 'd worked so hard to overcome had been splashed in excruciating detail . furious even . but what she felt was ... resignation . she looked up into the worried eyes of her brother as the realization hit her . it would always be something . evan was right to be angry that she 'd placed more importance on what others thought of her than she did whathe thought of her . as long as the people she loved knew the truth , it should n't matter what some stranger thought . brock believed in her and her abilities . she had the backing of her agency . her family loved her unconditionally . evan evidently did n't care who knew they were involved , so why should she ? for the first time in a long while , she looked at her life with a sense of deep gratitude . for so long she 'd been shaped by external forces . her desire to shed the protective grasp of her family . her need to escape from the scandal in new york and prove herself to everyone around her . the only person she 'd been proving anything to was herself . everyone else had known all along what kind of person she was . `` oh , noah , i 've been so stupid , '' she whispered . she responded by throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him fiercely . then she drew away and kissed him on the cheek . he still looked supremely puzzled . `` for opening my eyes . i 've been so very blind to what was in front of me all along . '' do me a favor and the next time adam and dalton start riding my ass , you remind them that i opened your eyes . `` what it means is that i 'm through trying to please others . i 'm through caring what they think about me . the only people in this world who matter to me already believe the best of me . `` do n't let these bastards get you down , cece . we love you to pieces and nothing anyone ever insinuates is going to change that . furthermore , i know good and damn well that the girl i helped raise is n't a manipulative , calculating bitch who does n't care who she hurts on her way up the corporate ladder . '' you have no idea what that means to me . '' he leaned away , still holding her arms . `` so what about evan ? '' `` he told me not to bother crawling back if i changed my mind . i 'm sure he 's made his share . he was angry and i 'm sure he did n't mean half of what he said . i 'm going to make him listen to me . then i 'm going to take the leap and tell him i love him and hope like hell that does n't make him run for cover . '' noah touched her cheek in a tender gesture . `` if he does , he 's a fool who does n't deserve you . she glanced down at her rumpled appearance .	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she closed her door with a flurry and started slowly walking towards them . lauren 's younger sister was nothing like her ; in fact , they were complete opposites . alex 's bright blonde hair twinkled in the daylight , but he preferred seeing the darker highlights in lauren 's hair as the sun hit it . alex was also the only sister with dark brown eyes and a much smaller stature . not that lauren and haley were big , just better built in his opinion . lauren had more of the curves that he admired most . alex was wearing her uniform from the diner . the blouse was opened dangerously low , and the skirt was a few inches higher than the one lauren had worn the other day . alex also wore heeled boots instead of black tennis shoes . he nodded , then looked back at lauren . he watched as her eyes darted around , avoiding his . chase was just fixing me up . i fell into the fence . she turned and showed her sister the rip in her jeans . alex rushed forward , showing true sisterly concern . are you hurt bad ? no , she 'll live , he jumped in , thankful that lauren had n't mentioned that he 'd been to blame . alex relaxed a little . just then the dog came running up to lauren , her hat in its mouth , and its tail wagging a million miles an hour . thank you , dingo . he found it funny that she talked to the dog like a human . he watched her wince with pain as she bent over and took her hat from the dogs mouth . then the dog walked over and sat at chases feet . he bent down and pet her . well , hello , dingo . it 's very nice to meet such a wonderful helper . the dog rolled over and he started rubbing her belly . she 's not that big of a helper since she did n't bark when you were sneaking up on me , lauren said . i did n't sneak . he stood back up and crossed his arms over his chest , smiling at her . lauren put her hands on her hips . alex backed up a little . i can see you two have everything under control here . i 'll see you back at the house . alex walked back to her car quickly and drove away . chase did n't spare her another glance , but walked right up to lauren . do you know that you are absolutely beautiful when you 're mad ? he brushed a strand of her hair away from her face . he 'd meant to throw her off balance , but had n't counted on the desire that had bubbled up inside him . chapter three lauren could n't seem to breathe . she could n't move either . she heard her sister 's car drive away and her heart refused to slow down . how had she let it get this far ? finally , she blinked a few times then turned and started marching up the hill towards tanner without glancing behind her . she heard him right behind her , but did n't stop to turn around since she did n't feel like arguing . when she reached the shade of the tree , she turned on him and pointed at his chest . i told you that i would stop by and check up on the stock . since i 'm taking over for my no , why are you here ? she took a step closer to him and looked up into his eyes . i 've been paying you this has nothing to do with that . he took her shoulders in his hands , gripping her tightly . she saw a flash of anger cross his face for a second , then it was gone . are you planning on moving in ? why would i move in ? because we 're ... she just could n't bring herself to say it . closing her eyes , she held her breath . he suggested , and her eyes flew open . i suppose i could call in the loan , so to speak . move into the house and have you in my bed at night , but that would be going against my word . but it has been a little cramped at my dad 's place . since you mention it , i suppose i could move into one of the hand 's houses . she felt all the blood leave her head . she actually reached out to steady herself by holding onto tanner 's mane . the horse nuzzled his face into her chest , almost knocking her over . chase reached over and took her shoulders to steady her . is the possibility of me living on your land that scary ? he looked down into her eyes , waiting for an answer . at least he 'd said her land . how could she tell him that she did n't want anyone , mainly her sisters , to find out what she 'd done seven years ago ? what she 'd had to do in order to save her land , her sisters , everything . it was n't as if her decision had been a huge burden on her . at least it had n't been up until now . seven years ago , it had been a different story .	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i was totally going to look . the man in the lobby stared at me balefully as i left , and after i 'd finally stepped out onto the sidewalk , i took a deep breath . even the faint smell of garbage and burning tires passed for `` fresh air '' after what i 'd just been breathing . there was a newspaper box just a few blocks up . as soon as i saw it , my throat constricted . if i had an ounce of good sense in my head , i 'd take her advice and just walk right past , never thinking twice about it . but i 'd never been one for good sense . before , i 'd been so focused on finding the place that i had n't let my eyes wander to any of the headlines in the dilapidated boxes . outdated mode of news reporting that they might be , i still found myself looking at them on occasion - as a kid , i 'd gotten used to them being a primary form of information delivery , even if all i got to see was the front page . i planned to keep my head high as i walked past the first box ; at the very least , i wanted to make it to a box that was n't possibly within eyesight of kelly 's office . she 'd been nice enough to warn me off . i did n't want her to see me openly defying her kindness . but then , i caught something in my peripheral that made me stop dead in my tracks . the woman behind the man it was giant white text , laid out artfully over a blown-up version of that very same coming-home-from-yoga picture that had already been a thorn in my side . an entire article about me ? i reached over and opened the box - it was one of the free papers , of course - wanting more than anything to turn and walk away , to pretend i 'd never seen it . but there was no closing this pandora 's box . since the advent of the insider trading scandal , there 's been one question on everyone 's mind - who is that woman ? we know this much : her name is madeline , and she 's daniel thorne 's wife , whom he met and married when she was his subordinate over at the main offices of plum . how did she capture a billionaire 's heart ? and how does she feel now , having boarded his sinking ship ? one imagines that she was quite pleased with herself , back when she first managed to nab his attention . thorne was a billionaire before he rose to his current level of media prominence , so he was n't exactly a diamond in the rough - unless , of course , you count his renowned anti-social tendencies . it 's not hard to see what she saw in him . when he first laid eyes on her , did he think to himself - yes , i will make her my bride ? there is most likely no way to plumb the depths of daniel thorne 's mind , to understand his motivations for doing what he does . and if anyone did have such ability , they 'd do much better to make themselves into billionaires as well , rather than waste any energy trying to figure out what thorne sees in this plain , ordinary - let 's be completely honest - frumpy aspiring artist who was once under his employ . i sat down heavily on a nearby bench . the article went on , but for some reason , i did n't feel in the least compelled to read it . and not because i was angry , either . i looked at the cover again - at the absurdly unflattering picture of me - the huge headline , and took a moment to sit back and really appreciate the fact that everyone was expending this much energy wondering about me . plain , ordinary , frumpy old me . suddenly , i was laughing . how could i do anything but laugh ? it was n't even worth feeling outrage anymore . this was what these people did . this was their bread and butter . i could still buy my groceries and draw my pictures and go to my classes and do whatever i wanted to do , regardless of what they said about me . i did n't have the time or energy to worry about it anymore . i laughed and laughed , knowing that passers-by must be deathly curious , but this was a part of town where you did n't ever look someone in the eyes . i laughed until my stomach hurt , and then i finally got back to my feet , walked up to the corner , and hailed a cab . chapter eleven `` oh , do n't be silly . it was my pleasure , '' genevieve was saying . i was pretty sure it was n't my imagination - there was something meaningful about the way the word `` pleasure '' rolled off her tongue . she smiled at daniel , and he smiled back . when he 'd suggested taking her out to dinner , as a `` gesture , '' he 'd said it in a tone of voice that suggested the decision was already made . so i 'd just nodded and smiled , thinly .	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i know you are all busy people with jet-setting around the world and all . that you take time for someone like me is so amazing . it means the world to me , torie . * september 3 , 2012 from : torie mills < toriewrites @ aol.com > to : claire < clairen1994 @ aol.com > subject : re : book reviews < attachment > dear claire , i am so glad you liked my recommendation . and yes , shanna is an epic-sized read but well worth it . just let yourself drink in all the beautiful details she fills her pages with . i am anxious to get your opinion of shanna and ruark . i wonder if you will have the same opinion of their relationship as i do . pretty smokin hot love scenes ahead ! the picture of you is beautiful . you have the most amazing sky-blue eyes . actually , i didnt really even notice you didnt have hair when we were together in chicago . okay , maybe at first , but after a few minutes , all i could see was the wonderful young woman inside . as for the comment about jet-setting ! hey , girl , i live in a little spit of a town that has no grocery store , one combination gas station / convenience store , and yesterday a big old brown cow was standing in my garden , eating my fall bounty ! not really , i got no fall bounty this year , but it was eating my grass ! very glamorous , huh ! ? i had to call dave , and he had to leave his job about five miles away and come to my rescue . doesnt sound like a romance scene , does it ? oh , but it wasnothing more romantic than a man wrestling with a wild beast for you . actually , he just put a rope around its neck and walked it up the road to the farm it had escaped from . it was as gentle as a puppy dog . pretty darn funnyso glamour ? not ! im jealous you got an email from jimmy ! isnt he the best though ? i have asked him to schedule his photo shoot for our ( yours and mine ) book cover . im basing my hero on dave , and i think we just got ta have a jimmy for the cover , dont you ? i know you will agree . i absolutely cant wait to see him in a union soldier uniform . speaking of which , do you ever watch you tube ? look up the official you tube video by fun for some nights . i swear i listen to that thing over and over for hours while i write our novel . it sets the perfect mood for me . you will know why when you watch it . i have your poem placed in the text ( looks awesome ! ! ) . still struggling with a title for the book , and actually , as i have been writing , i keep thinking that the leading lady needs to be claire , with dark-brown hair and bright-blue eyeshmmm , what do you think ? i have attached the first 2 chapters for you to critique for me , and heybe brutally honest , okay ? being a writer yourself , your opinion is important to me . dont have to read it right away . ruark and shanna are waiting ! much love to you , girl ! tell your mom and dad hello ! torie * as i hit the sleep switch for my computer , rose , and looked across to dave , who sat amidst a mountain of pillows and white bedding , watching television , the most contented feeling came over me . he felt my eyes on him and looked to me . he opened his arms toward me in a welcoming gesture , and i slipped out of my tank top and dropped my boxers . i switched off the overhead light , casting the room into the soft glow of the dimmed bedside lamps . uh-ohi think im in for some lovin , dave announced in his sexier-than-hell casual way , grabbing the remote and turning off the television . i walked to the foot of the bed and playfully grabbed the sheet , slowly drawing it off him . he settled back , put his hands behind his head , crossed his legs at the ankle , and grinned , allowing me to have my way with the covers . do your worst , beautiful . im all yours , he chuckled as the covers slipped below his hips . i love you , david samuel cameron , i sighed , watching the play of the light across his biceps , his well-defined pecs , flat stomach and the tight ridge of muscle along his waist and across his lower abdomen . i pulled the sheet the rest of the way off , dropped it to the floor , reached to touch his calves and then crawled onto the bed . chapter 31 the times in grandma roses house were always special . i was just blown away , walking through the rooms , preparing and having meals with the family , evenings sitting outside in warm weather and all the family talking about their days as well as news from town . watching it all unfold as they carved out their place in fremont during a century and a half of living .	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`` it 's more of a free-form depression . '' `` i thought something would sell . '' he touched her cheek , gently forced her to look at him . `` does that matter so much ? '' `` no , but , aw , shit . '' the tears she 'd been swallowing all day burst out . daniel took her in his arms . he stroked her hair and let her cry . finally , she drew back , hiccuping , feeling like a fool . it 's just been an awful day . '' `` do n't give up , birdie . i knew that the first time i saw you paint . i think maybe you 've given up too easily before . '' she realized suddenly that she was in his arms , that he was holding her tightly . she felt his breathing against her forehead . he took her face in his hands , wiped the tears with his thumbs . `` it took guts to show your work today . there 's nothing worse than standing nak*d in public and saying , here i am . '' all she heard was , `` naked ? '' `` you should be proud of yourself , elizabeth . anything else would be a crime . '' she saw the kiss coming and braced for it . oh , god ... his lips pressed against hers , his tongue pushed gently inside her mouth . he tasted of coffee and mint . she slid her arms up around his neck and pulled him closer . no fourth of july , no fireworks . when the kiss was over and he drew back , he was frowning . `` no good , huh ? '' elizabeth was surprised . `` i guess i 'm more married than i thought . '' he stood up and pulled her to her feet beside him . then he held on to her hand and led her across the street . they cut through the crowd , threaded their way toward the shop . elizabeth realized a second too late where he was taking her . she gripped his hand tightly and tried to stop . he pulled her forward , not stopping until they reached the open door . it 's a death-by-hanging in there . '' `` then put your neck in the noose ; it 's what artists do . '' `` i expect big things of you , elizabeth shore . now , get in there where you belong . '' she squared her shoulders and went back inside . marge smiled at her entrance , obviously relieved to see her . she forced the admission out . when she glanced at the door , she saw that daniel was gone . `` chicken , '' she muttered . `` it 's always difficult on the artist . `` difficult is making hollandaise sauce . this is a near-death experience . '' marge laughed , then immediately sobered . i know it 's not funny . '' elizabeth actually smiled . `` i 'm glad my humiliation is amusing . maybe i 'll get hit by a bus later and you can really crack up . '' `` you 'll be okay , elizabeth . the bell above the door jangled . `` oh , good , '' elizabeth muttered . kim walked into the gallery . she looked pale and skittery ; her gaze darted nervously from side to side . she was dressed in black lambskin pants and a black cashmere turtleneck sweater . surprisingly , a scarlet pashmina shawl hung draped over one shoulder . `` welcome to eclectica , '' marge said . kim waved a hand dismissively and headed for the back wall . in front of elizabeth 's work , she stopped . `` the artist is right there , '' marge said loudly . elizabeth came out from the corner . `` hello , kim . you missed the group . '' kim snapped open her purse , digging through it . `` and i so wanted to spend more time with them . '' she cocked her head toward the wall . `` are these your paintings ? '' kim looked at them . for a split second , her gaze softened , and elizabeth saw the longing in her eyes . she knew how it felt , that longing . for years , she 'd been locked inside herself , unable to imagine a way out . that was where kim stood right now . `` i 'll take that one , '' kim said , pointing to the seascape . `` sorry , the store has a policy against mercy purchases . '' `` well , as you and i knew would happen , i bombed today . the only thing less in demand than my paintings was the tofu-flavored ice cream . and marge 's hors d'oeuvres . '' `` but what 's a mercy purchase ? '' `` that 's when a friend feels sorry for the artist and buys a piece . but i really appreciate the gesture . '' `` you think we 're friends ? '' `` of course we are , '' elizabeth said quietly . kim smiled suddenly , and the change in her demeanor was remarkable . `` take that painting down and wrap it up . and do n't you dare call it a mercy purchase .	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she spun around to display it to him . it exposed her long smooth back as her black hair tossed and swayed . she put on a pink heart choker and let the long silk ribbons trail down her back and mix with her hair . she wore black low rise heels that were more like flats than dress ware . he guessed that she didnt want to overshadow his height too much . since she was a full inch taller than him already , she didnt want to draw any more attention to it if possible . the red dress reached just below her knees , letting her shapely calves advertise the appeal of her long legs . he drank every part of her body . her hair settled down her back as she turned to see his face . done ogling ? her arms crossed in disapproval . he kept staring , you look beautiful . she uncrossed her arms and smiled . thats more like it , she took his hand and led him to the foot of the bed . he looked into her closet . it was large and had a huge variety , but he doubted it contained mens ware . theyre on the bed behind you , she gestured for him to see . he hadnt noticed them at all . to him there was only her in that room . his head pounded again . chapter forty four a new kind of different del wandered into a diner in the middle of the lonely night . he was in the same blood soaked clothing he had on when he left two months ago . it was ripped , tattered , and falling off of him . as he approached the restaurant , the people viewed him with disgust . some people immediately picked up their things and departed . others shied away . they covered their noses from the scent . he kept his eyes down and hid his face . the waitress took one look at him and sighed , you cant eat like that you poor thing . my names charlene . come with me out back , well clean you up darlin . the woman was kind to him . her dark hair was somehow familiar to him . she had the same green eyes as the little girl he saw in the field . he thought she smelled like freshly baked cookies . she led him out to the back of the diner . she turned on the water hose and filled a bucket of cool water . she threw in a bar of soap . now close your eyes darlin , she sprayed him down . now take a seat on the bench over there . she took a sponge and dipped it in the soapy bucket . she ran the sponge over him . she focused on cleaning him more than noticing the watery blood that flowed down the back alley drain . either she didnt care , or she didnt want to know . all that mattered to her was that she was helping a poor beaten down man . whats your name darlin ? its del , his voice was raspy , deeper than it normally was . my name is del , it sounded better , but there was still a different pitch to it . he tried to compensate for it with little effect . he needed to understand , why are you- ? -because you looked like you needed a bath hun . i dont know what happened to you , what was done to you . something just called to me , telling me that you needed help . she lowered her head as she removed his torn jacket . now lets finish up before my breaks over . she carefully rinsed his matted hair . blood ran down the bench . the mud swirled into a puddle at his feet . she walked to a small row of thin gray lockers . she reached in one and pulled out a pair of overalls , jed wont miss these . he has enough of em , she tossed him the clothes . she reached for a towel and gave it to him . after youre done getting dressed , sit where you are . ill serve you up some late night dinner . she went back to the diner as he removed the remnants of his black suit . somehow he didnt find any more sentimentality in keeping it as it was . he decided to let it go and move on . she came back to him with a large plate of country fried steak and a small shot of liquor . he referred to her hospitality more than the food . she placed the meal down at a picnic table a few feet away from him , the meal is pity . she sat the shot of alcohol next to the plate , the bourbon is mercy . he looked at her with a sad expression . a few minutes before he walked in , he was viewed as a monster . now this stranger had taken the time to help him . it was the first sign of humanity that anyone had recognized in him since the change . are you going to eat ? or am i going to have to feed this to the dog ? you know my dog poochy cant handle his bourbon . it makes him piss all over the front of the diner . are you really going to let it come to that ? ill eat , he said softly . his voice choked up from the kind gesture . the meal tasted good and he quickly finished it . but it was missing something .	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behind him , he could hear ian sharply demanding to know who the men were and whether there were others with them , in cherokee . `` they 're tuscarora , '' he said . his head still throbbed , but he felt a little better . ian was surprised , but at once shifted into the tongue of the kahnyen'kehaka . the young captive , already terrorized by rollo , looked as though he might die of fright , seeing ian 's tattoos and hearing him speak mohawk . kahnyen'kehaka was of the same family as tuscarora , and plainly the young man could make out what ian said , for he replied , stammering with fear . was his brother dead ? jamie rinsed his mouth with water , splashed it on his face . that was better , though a lump like a duck 's egg was swelling over his left eye . yes , the young man said , his brother . if they did not mean to kill him now , might he go and see ? his brother was wounded . ian glanced at jamie for agreement , then called rollo off with a word . the bedraggled captive struggled painfully to his feet , staggering , and set off back along the shore , followed by the dog and the two nak*d scots . the other man was indeed wounded ; blood was seeping through a crude bandage round his leg . he had made the bandage of his shirt , and was bare-chested , scrawny , and starved-looking . jamie glanced from one to the other ; neither could be older than twenty , he thought , and likely younger than that , with their faces pinched by hunger and ill-usage , their clothes little more than rags . the horses had moved off a little , nervous of the fighting , but the clothes the scots had left hanging from the bushes were still there . ian pulled on his breeches and went to fetch food and drink from the saddlebags , while jamie dressed more slowly , interrogating the young man as the latter anxiously examined his brother . they were tuscarora , the young man confirmed . his name was a long one , meaning roughly `` the gleam of light on water in a spring '' ; this was his brother , `` the goose that encourages the leader when they fly , '' more simply known as goose . jamie pulled his shirt over his head and nodded-wincing at the movement-at the gash in goose 's leg , quite obviously made by something like an ax . light on water took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment . he had a substantial knot on his head , as well . `` tsalagi , '' he said . `` we were two score in number ; the rest are dead , or taken . you will not give us to them , lord ? `` tsalagi ? light shook his head ; he could not say . his band had chosen to stay when his village moved north , but they had not prospered ; there were not enough men to defend a village and hunt , and without defenders , others stole their crops , took their women . growing poorer , they , too , had taken to stealing and to begging to survive through the winter . more had died of cold and sickness , and the remnants moved from place to place , now and then finding a place to settle for a few weeks , but then driven out by the much stronger cherokee . a few days past , they had been set upon by a party of cherokee warriors , who had taken them by surprise , killed most of them , and taken some women . `` they took my wife , '' light said , his voice unsteady . `` we came to-to take her back . '' `` they will kill us , of course , '' said goose weakly , but with a fair amount of cheerfulness . `` but that does n't signify . '' `` of course not , '' jamie said , smiling despite himself . the brothers knew the direction taken by the raiders , and had been following , to track them to their village . that way , they said , pointing toward a notch . ian glanced at jamie , and nodded . `` bird , '' he said . `` or fox , i should say , '' for running fox was war chief of the village ; a good warrior , though somewhat lacking in imagination-a trait bird possessed in quantity . `` shall we help them , then ? '' ian said in english . his feathery brows arched in question , but jamie could see that it was a question in form only . `` oh , aye , i expect we will . '' he rubbed gingerly at his forehead ; the skin over the lump was already stretched and tender . `` let 's eat first , though . '' it was not a question of whether the thing might be done ; only how . jamie and ian both dismissed out of hand any suggestion that the brothers might steal back light 's wife . `` they will kill ye , '' ian assured them .	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maybe it was having someone else with her that blunted the pain , because always before she had been alone with it . `` i literally became his prisoner . whenever i tried to assert myself in any way , he 'd punish me . most of the time he would slap me , or even whip me , but sometimes he would just yell , and i never knew what to expect . it was as if he knew that yelling instead of hitting me made it even worse , because then the next time i knew he 'd hit me , and i 'd try , oh , i 'd try so hard , not to do anything that would cause the next time . but i always did . i was so nervous that i always did something . or he 'd make up a reason . '' `` looking back , '' she said slowly , `` it 's hard to believe i was so stupid . by the time i realized what he had done and started trying to fight back , he had me so isolated , so brainwashed , that i literally felt powerless . i had no money , no friends , no car . i was ashamed for anyone to know what was happening . that was what was so sick , that he could convince me it was my fault . i did try to run away once , but he 'd paid the doorman to call him if i left , and he found me within half an hour . he did n't hit me that time . he just tied me to the bed and left me . the terror of waiting , helpless , for him to come back and punish me was so bad that hitting me would have been a relief , because that would have meant it was over . instead he kept me tied for two days , and i nearly became hysterical every time he came into the room . '' quinlan had stopped pacing . he was standing motionless , but she could feel the tension radiating from him . `` he put locks on the phone so i could n't call out , or even answer it , '' she said . `` but one day he blacked my eye . i do n't even remember why . it did n't take much to set him off . when i looked in the mirror the next morning , all of a sudden something clicked in my brain and i knew i had to either get away from him or kill him . i could n't live like that another day , another hour . '' `` i 'd have opted for killing him , '' quinlan said tonelessly . `` after that , it was all so easy , '' she murmured , ignoring him . `` i just packed my suitcases and walked out . the doorman saw me and reached for the phone ... and then stopped . he looked at my eye and let the phone drop back into the cradle , and then he opened the door for me and asked if he could call a cab for me . when i told him i did n't have any money , he pulled out his wallet and gave me forty dollars . `` i went to a shelter for abused women . it was the hardest , most humiliating thing i 've ever done . it 's strange how the women are the ones who are so embarrassed , '' she said reflectively . `` never the men who have beaten them , terrorized them . they seem to think it was their right , or that the women deserved it . but i understand how the women feel , because i was one of them . its like standing up in public and letting everyone see how utterly stupid you are , what bad judgment you have , what horrible mistakes you 've made . the women i met there could barely look anyone in the eye , and they were the victims ! '' with the photographs taken at the shelter , i had evidence of abuse , and eric would have done anything to preserve his reputation . oh , he tried to talk me into coming back , he made all sorts of promises , he swore things would be different . i was even tempted , '' she admitted . `` but i could n't trust my own judgment any longer , so the safest thing , the only thing to do was stay away from romantic relationships in general and eric landers in particular . '' god , it was so plain now . quinlan could barely breathe with the realization of the mistakes he 'd made in dealing with her . no wonder she had pulled away from him . because he 'd wanted her so much , he had tried to take over , tried to coddle and protect her . it was a normal male instinct , but nothing else could have been more calculated to set off her inner alarms . when she had needed space , he had crowded her , so determined to have her that he had n't let anything stand in his way . instead of binding her to him , he had made her run . `` i 'm not like landers , '' he said hoarsely . `` i 'll never abuse you , elizabeth , i swear . '' she was silent , and he could sense the sadness in her . `` how can i trust myself ? what if i make the wrong decision about you , too ?	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suddenly he stopped and turned to me , gripping my hands . `` claire , '' he said huskily , `` i want our child . you 're the most important thing in the world to me . i want you to be happy , above all else , but i want ... well , i want to keep you to myself . i 'm afraid a child from outside , one we had no real relationship with , would seem an intruder , and i 'd resent it . but to be able to give you a child , see it grow in you , see it born ... then i 'd feel as though it were more an ... extension of you , perhaps . a real part of the family . '' his eyes were wide , pleading . i was willing to abandon the topic-for now . i turned to go on walking , but he reached out and took me in his arms . the tenderness in his voice was overwhelming , and i leaned my head against his jacket , feeling his warmth and the strength of his arms around me . we stood locked together for a moment , swaying slightly in the wind that swept down the road . suddenly frank drew back a bit , smiling down at me . `` besides , '' he said softly , smoothing the wind-blown hair back from my face , `` we have n't given up yet , have we ? '' he took my hand , tucking it snugly beneath his elbow , and we turned toward our lodgings . `` game for another try ? '' we strolled , hand in hand , back toward the gereside road . it was the sight of the baragh mhor , the pictish stone that stands at the corner of the road there , that made me remember things ancient . `` i have something exciting to show you . '' frank looked down at me and pulled me closer . `` so have i , '' he said , grinning . `` you can show me yours tomorrow . '' when tomorrow came , though , we had other things to do . i had forgotten that we had planned a day trip to the great glen of loch ness . it was a long drive through the glen , and we left early in the morning , before sunup . after the hurry to the waiting car through the freezing dawn , it was cozy to relax under the rug and feel the warmth stealing back into my hands and feet . along with it came a most delicious drowsiness , and i fell blissfully asleep against frank 's shoulder , my last conscious sight the driver 's head in red-rimmed silhouette against the dawning sky . it was after nine when we arrived , and the guide frank had called for was awaiting us on the edge of the loch with a small sailing skiff . `` an ' it suits ye , sir , i thought we 'd take a wee sail down the loch-side to urquhart castle . perhaps we 'll sup a bit there , before goin ' on . '' the guide , a dour-looking little man in weather-beaten cotton shirt and twill trousers , stowed the picnic hamper tidily beneath the seat , and offered me a callused hand down into the well of the boat . it was a beautiful day , with the burgeoning greenery of the steep banks blurring in the ruffled surface of the loch . our guide , despite his dour appearance , was knowledgeable and talkative , pointing out the islands , castles , and ruins that rimmed the long , narrow loch . `` yonder , that 's urquhart castle . '' he pointed to a smooth-faced wall of stone , barely visible through the trees . 't was cursed by the witches of the glen , and saw one unhappiness after another . '' he told us the story of mary grant , daughter of the laird of urquhart castle , and her lover , donald donn , poet son of macdonald of bohuntin . forbidden to meet because of her father 's objection to the latter 's habits of `` lifting '' any cattle he came across ( an old and honorable highland profession , the guide assured us ) , they met anyway . the father got wind of it , donald was lured to a false rendezvous and thus taken . condemned to die , he begged to be beheaded like a gentleman , rather than hanged as a felon . this request was granted , and the young man led to the block , repeating `` the devil will take the laird of grant out of his shoes , and donald donn shall not be hanged . '' he was n't , and legend reports that as his severed head rolled from the block , it spoke , saying , `` mary , lift ye my head . '' i shuddered , and frank put an arm around me . `` there 's a bit of one of his poems left , '' he said quietly . `` donald donn 's . it goes : `` tomorrow i shall be on a hill , without a head .	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the mouth seemed to snarl , lips pulling back to reveal long teeth that had grown to trap audrey 's wrist . it happened so fast that even dee did n't have time to move . audrey started to gasp , and then screamed instead . her entire body snapped forward . the thing had sucked her arm in to the elbow . he covered the distance to her in two steps . dee was right behind him with her pick . no good , jenny thought dazedly . it 's not flesh , like that thing-like slug . it 's stone or metal or something . `` do n't hit it , dee . that wo n't help-that wo n't help . we have to pull her out ! '' the thing-it was n't a lion anymore , but some sort of hideous cyberbeast-was now the color of an old statue coated with moss . audrey screamed again , breathlessly , and her body jerked . the nylon jacket was skinned up to her shoulder now , bunched '' like an inner tube as her arm was dragged farther in . `` it 's taking my arm off ! '' jenny gasped , almost sobbing . michael was yanking at audrey . `` no , do n't pull ! do n't pull ! vaseline , jenny was thinking . or soap-something to make it slippery . but they did n't have anything . `` use the pick-try to pry its teeth apart . michael , wait until she gets it in-then pull . '' audrey was still screaming and michael was crying . vaguely , in shock , jenny noticed that the stone beast was still changing , becoming more deformed . dee wedged the tip of the heavy pick upside down between the gray , mossy teeth and pulled back on the handle . jenny grabbed it to help her . dee threw her weight down . jenny prayed the wooden handle would n't break off from the iron head . she felt something shift-the upper jaw lifting just a fraction , like a car lifting on a jack . `` pull , michael ! '' michael pulled . audrey 's arm came out . she screamed on a new note-a shriek that pierced jenny 's chest . but her arm came out . they all fell backward , the pick clattering down . with a common impulse they scrabbled back away from the circus car , still sitting , still holding on to one another . it was only then that jenny looked at audrey 's arm . , there were toothmarks . or-some kind of marks , as if sharp rocks had been scraped over the skin . long , raw gouges , just starting to bleed . `` audrey-oh , god , are you okay ? '' michael asked a gurgling , maniacal voice said , `` i bet i 'll have a tummyache tomorrow . '' jenny looked . the cyberbeast had stopped changing , its features frozen in a long-toothed snarl . dee raised a clenched fist , tendons cording in her slender arm . then she dropped it . `` i do n't think it can move toward us , '' she said in a curiously quenched voice . jenny glanced at her , but dee turned and jenny found herself looking at the back of her close-cropped head , where velvety nubs of hair glistened like mica . `` does anybody have aspirin ? '' `` i lost mine . '' michael , who had taken off his sweatshirt and was trying to wrap audrey 's arm in his undershirt , thrust a hand in his pocket . `` i 've got some ... audrey 's left hand was trembling as she took them , washing them down with a gulp of water from the canteen dee silently offered . jenny asked hesitantly . audrey took another drink of water . her spiky lashes were dark against her cheek as she leaned back against michael . she looked as white as porcelain , and as fragile . you can move your arm and everything ? '' michael 's cotton undershirt was showing signs of pink , but it was n't the cuts that worried jenny . she was afraid audrey 's shoulder might be dislocated . audrey nodded again . she lifted her right arm , the bandaged one , and turned it over . then , slowly , she unclenched her fist . michael gave a shout of laughter . you would n't let go , you little- '' he seized audrey in a bear hug . `` you may kiss me , '' audrey said . `` just do n't squish my arm . '' she twisted her head toward dee . `` good thing your pick was n't flimsy . no rawhide there ! '' it was an extraordinarily generous gesture , but dee seemed to take it as an insult . at least , when jenny looked at dee , she could only see the fine curve of a dark cheekbone .	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if it canna be done , and he loses a hand or an ear , then i maintain him for the rest of his life , as he wilna be able to pursue his profession . and if he 's hanged , then i guarantee to have masses said for his soul for the space of a year . i think that 's fair , no ? '' i felt a cold hand pass down my spine . `` jesus christ , jamie '' was all i could find to say . he shook his head , and reached out a hand for the bilboquet . `` not our lord , sassenach . pray to st. dismas . the patron saint of thieves and traitors . '' jamie reached over and took the bilboquet from the boy . he flicked his wrist sharply and the ivory ball rose in a perfect parabola , to descend into its cup with an inevitable plop . i eyed the new employee with interest as he took the toy jamie offered him and started in on it once more , dark eyes gleaming with concentration . `` i found him in a brothel . '' i eyed the dirt and smears on his clothes . `` which you were visiting for some really excellent reason , i expect ? '' he sat back , arms wrapped about his knees , grinning as he watched me make repairs to my garter . `` i thought you 'd prefer me to be found in such an establishment , to the alternative of bein ' found in a dark alleyway , wi ' my head bashed in . '' i saw the boy fergus 's eyes focus at a spot somewhat past the bilboquet , where a tray of iced cakes stood on a table near the wall . a small , pointed pink tongue darted out across his lower lip . `` i think your protege is hungry , '' i said . `` why do n't you feed him , and then you can tell me just what in bloody hell happened this afternoon . '' `` well , i was on my way to the docks , '' he began , obediently rising to his feet , `` and just past the rue eglantine , i began to have a queer feeling up the back of my neck . '' jamie fraser had spent two years in the army of france , fought and stolen with a gang of scottish `` broken men , '' and been hunted as an outlaw through the moors and mountains of his native land . all of which had left him with an extreme sensitivity to the sensation of being followed . he could n't have said whether it was the sound of a footfall , too close behind , or the sight of a shadow that should n't be there , or something less tangible-the scent of evil on the air , perhaps-but he had learned that the prickle of warning among the short hairs of his neck was something to be ignored at his peril . promptly obeying the dictates of his cervical vertebrae , he turned left instead of right at the next corner , ducked around a whelk-seller 's stall , cut between a barrow filled with steamed puddings and another of fresh vegetable marrows , and into a small charcuterie . pressed against the wall near the doorway , he peered out through a screen of hanging duck carcasses . two men entered the street no more than a second later , walking close together , glancing quickly from side to side . every workingman in paris carried the marks of his trade upon his person , and it did n't take much of a nose to detect the whiff of sea-salt on these two . if the small gold hoop in the shorter man 's ear had not been a dead giveaway , the deep reddish-brown of their faces would have made it clear they were deep-water sailors . accustomed to the cramped quarters of shipboard and quay taverns , seamen seldom walked in a straight line . these two slid through the crowded alley like eels through rocks , eyes flicking past beggars , servingmaids , housewives , merchants ; sea wolves assessing potential prey . `` i let them get well past the shop , '' jamie explained , `` and i was just about to step out and go back the other way , when i saw another of them at the mouth of the alley . '' this man wore the same uniform as the other two ; sidelocks heavily coated with grease , a fish knife at his side and a marlinspike the length of a man 's forearm thrust through his belt . short and thickset , the man stood still at the end of the alley , holding his ground against the buffeting waves of commerce that ebbed and flowed through the narrow passage . clearly he had been left on guard , while his fellows quested ahead . `` so i was left wondering what best to do , '' jamie said , rubbing his nose . `` i was safe enough where i was , but there was no back way from the shop , and the moment i stepped from the doorway , i 'd be seen . '' he glanced down reflectively , smoothing the crimson fabric of his kilt across his thigh .	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her bifocals had slipped down her nose , and with a stack of books under each arm , she did n't have a free hand to push them up . she called , walking over . `` oh , lucinda . pennyweather , '' she said , sounding tired . `` we were wondering if you could give us the password to use the computer , '' luce asked , pointing at the error message on the screen . `` you 're not doing social networking , are you ? those sites are the devil 's work . '' `` no , no , this is serious research , '' penn said . `` you 'd approve . '' miss sophia leaned over the girls to unlock the computer . fingers flying , she typed in the longest password luce had ever seen . `` you have twenty minutes , '' she said flatly , walking away . `` that should be enough , '' penn whispered . `` i found a critical essay on the watchers , so until we track down the book , we can at least read up on what it 's about . '' luce sensed someone standing behind her and turned around to see that miss sophia had returned . luce jumped . `` i do n't know why you scared me . '' `` no , i 'm the one who 's sorry , '' miss sophia said . her smile practically made her eyes disappear . `` it 's just been so hard recently , since the fire . but there 's no reason for me to take my sorrow out on two of my most promising students . '' neither luce nor penn really knew what to say . it was one thing to comfort each other after the fire . reassuring the school librarian seemed a little bit out of their league . `` i 've been trying to keep busy , but ... '' miss sophia trailed off . penn glanced nervously at luce . `` well , we might be able to use some help with our research , if , that is , you - `` `` i can help ! '' miss sophia tugged over a third chair , `` i see you 're looking into the watchers , '' she said , reading over their shoulders . `` the grigoris were a very influential clan . and i just happen to know of a papal database . let me see what i can pull up . '' luce nearly choked on the pencil she 'd been chewing . `` i 'm sorry , did you say grigoris ? '' `` oh yes , historians have traced them back to the middle ages . they were ... '' she paused , searching for the words . `` a sort of research cluster , to put it in modern layperson 's terms . they specialized in a certain type of fallen-angel folklore . '' she reached between the girls again and luce marveled as her fingers raced across the keyboard . the search engine struggled to keep up , pulling up article after article , primary source after primary source , all on the grigoris . daniel 's family name was everywhere , filling up the screen . luce felt a bit light-headed . the image from her dream came back to her : unfurling wings , her body heating up until she smoldered into ash . `` there are different kinds of angels to specialize in ? '' `` oh , sure - it 's a wide body of literature , '' miss sophia said while she typed . `` there are those who became demons . and those who threw in with god . and there are even ones who consorted with mortal women . '' at last her fingers were still . `` very dangerous habit . '' penn said , `` are these watcher dudes any relation to the daniel grigori here ? '' miss sophia tapped her mauve lips . i wondered that myself , but it is hardly our place to be digging into another student 's business , would n't you agree ? '' her pale face pinched into a frown as she looked down at her watch . `` well , i hope i 've given you enough to get started on your project . i wo n't hog any more of your time . '' she pointed at a clock on the computer screen . `` you 've only got nine minutes left . '' as she walked back toward the front of the library , luce watched miss sophia 's perfect posture . she could have balanced a book on her head . it did seem like it had cheered her up a little to help the girls with their research , but at the same time , luce had no idea what to do with the information she 'd just been given about daniel . penn did . she 'd already started scribbling furious notes . `` eight and a half minutes , '' she informed luce , handing her a pen and a piece of paper . `` there 's way too much here to make sense of in eight and a half minutes . start writing . '' luce sighed and did as she was told . it was a boringly designed academic web page with a thin blue border framing a plain beige background . at the top , a header in a severe blocky font read : the grigori clan .	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`` the name 's mad nipper . '' `` why are you in our room ? '' `` i only wanted to tell you my street name , so we could be boys . but we 're not on the streets right now , so you can keep calling me danny . '' and then danny walked out of my room and jackie quit grunting . everyone in the bad place was pretty shocked when danny began speaking regularly the next day . the doctors said he was experiencing a breakthrough , but it was n't like that . danny just decided to talk . we really did become boys and did just about everything together in the bad place , including our exercise routine . and little by little i found out danny 's story . as mad nipper he was a rising gansta rapper from north philadelphia who had signed on with a small record label in nyc called tougher trade . he was playing a club in baltimore when some beef broke loose , and somehow - danny often changed the details of his story , so i ca n't say what happened for certain - he was struck in the back of the head with a tire iron , driven to the harbor , and thrown in . most of the time danny claimed that a baltimore rap group - one that was scheduled to perform before mad nipper - asked him to smoke up in an alleyway behind the club , but when he went outside with these other rappers , they started giving him some shit about headlining in their neighborhood . when he brought up his superior record sales , the lights went out , and he woke up dead , which is actually true , as his file says he was dead for a few minutes before the emts managed to revive him . lucky for danny , somebody heard the splash mad nipper made when he entered the harbor , and this person fished him out and yelled for help right after the other rappers left . danny claims that the salt in the water kept his brain alive , but i do n't understand how that could be , especially since he was thrown into the filthy harbor and not the ocean . after an operation that removed tiny parts of his skull from his brain , and a lengthy stay at the hospital , danny was brought to the bad place . the worst part was that he lost his ability to rap - he just could n't make his mouth rap anymore , at least not as fast as he used to - so he took a vow of silence , which he broke only after looking into my eyes for a very long period of time . once , i asked danny who he saw when he looked into my eyes , and he told me he saw his aunt jasmine . when i asked him why he saw his aunt jasmine , he told me she was the woman who had raised him up until he became a man . i say , kneeling before the manger . `` it 's pat peoples . '' `` white pat from baltimore ? '' `` you 're bloody . `` god punished me , but then he led me here . '' `` what you do to make god angry ? '' `` i cursed him , but i said i was sorry . '' `` if you really pat people , what 's my name ? '' `` mad nipper , a.k.a . `` you eat christmas dinner yet ? '' `` you wan na eat with me and aunt jasmine ? '' danny helps me stand , and when i limp into aunt jasmine 's home , it smells of pine needles and baked ham and pineapple sauce . a small christmas tree is decorated with popcorn strings and colorful blinking lights , two green-and-red stockings are hung on a fake fireplace mantel , and on the television the eagles are playing the cowboys . `` sit down , '' danny says . `` i do n't want to get blood on your couch . '' `` it 's got a plastic cover , see ? '' i look , and the couch is really covered with plastic , so i sit down and see that the eagles are winning , which surprises me , since dallas was favored . `` i 've missed you , '' danny says after he sits down next to me . `` you did n't even say goddamn goodbye when you left . '' `` mom came and got me when you were in music relaxation class . when did you get out of the bad place ? '' `` just yesterday . out on good behavior . '' i look at my friend 's face and see that he is serious . `` so you get out of the bad place yesterday , and i just happen to run to your neighborhood and get mugged on your street and find you here ? '' `` guess so , '' danny says . `` it sort of seems like a miracle , does n't it ? '' `` miracles happen on christmas , pat . everybody knows that shit . 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he yelled , drew back and gave her several more blows that nearly knocked her eyes out of their sockets , but her lungs expanded with the needed airgaspbecause to strike her , hed had to let go of her neck . he grabbed her wrists instead , locking them together in one huge , sweaty hand , straining them high over her head . his free hand fumbled his kilt aside . his hairy knees began forcing hers apart this be for alan . stake me out , will he ? ill stake his bride tae the floor ! his breath made her feel like she had her face stuck in a sewer . tabitha gagged , then as something ungodly grazed her thigh , started screaming for all she was worth . not half so loudly as dunstan , however , as a yowling , black fiend landed on his back in a furious frenzy of fang and claw . he bellowed like a wounded bull , rolling over and crushing the creature beneath his bulk , but it scrambled free , clawed its way over his head and drove straight for the mans throat . dunstan lumbered to his feet and floundered about the room , trying to free himself from fangs that refused to let go . for something that was really only a good-sized house cat , the animal fought with the studied ferocity of a full-grown panther . it seemed to know exactly what it was doing , and it clung to him like some crazed devil-leech straight out of the darkest depths of hell . it strained toward his jugular , like it had done this sort of thing many times before , like it reveled in it , craved it , and only a long drink of hot spurting blood would be able to appease it . left sprawled on the floor , tabitha followed the struggle with incredulous eyes while she groped a hand up under the dresser . somewherethere . her fingers closed around something hard and smooth . she inched it out , her breath coming in ragged snatches , then pulled to her knees and gazed down . it was a fancy carved piece of hardwood , about the length and thickness of a baseball bat . it was the broken bedpost . but to her it was the end to this nightmare . struggling to her feet , she grasped it with both hands and staggered toward dunstan just as he finally ripped the cat off his neck and hurled it into a wall . the animal dropped to the floor in a hissing , spitting crouch , and the wild-eyed man lunged forward to stomp its head in . but tabitha lunged faster , swinging with all her might , and it was his head that cracked , instead . not literally , though . studying the mans motionless , but obviously breathing form , she decided that since he had mostly rocks between his ears , all shed done was to rattle them a bit . she hovered above him another moment , poised like a batter awaiting the next pitch , just in case he needed another crack , but his lights had been well and truly blown out . dropping her weapon , she raced to the cat . who sat washing his face as though nothing had happened . tabitha scooped him up , hugging him against her chest with an almost hysterical relief . he snuggled into her , purring like a miniature locomotive . you brave , foolish , little angeltears splashed onto his furthank you ! but that was an awful chance you took . hes so much bigger than you . the cat fussed his way out of her arms , padded over to dunstan , sniffed him , then turned his back , lifted high his tail , and sprayed the unconscious man square between the eyes . his way , apparently , of saying , the bigger they are , the harder they fall . blinking up at tabitha , who was suddenly racked between laughter and sobs , his glowing eyes seemed to suggest , dont you think you should be leaving now ? we won that battle , but lets not press our luck . she sniffled and stumbled back across the room to collect what was left of her sheet . not until she was tucking it around herself did she realize she was angrier with alan than she was with dunstan . the latter was only a drunken fool . alan was the shameless villain whod deliberately stranded her in such a vulnerable position in the first place . if shed been properly dressed , she could have dodged dunstan before hed ever laid a finger on her . its this damned sheet that caused the whole thing ! it keeps slipping and tripping me , she complained to the cat through a new flurry of frustrated tears . he gazed at her a thoughtful moment , then snagged dunstans monogrammed kilt pin with a neat front paw , tore it loose , and batted it across the floor to her . tabitha blinked away her tears , staring from the cat to the pin and back again . you are utterly extraordinary . the cats glowing gaze narrowed into a smug , feline sort of grin . its a specialty of mine , he seemed to say . ill catch up with you as soon as ive repaired my weaponry . he began an industrious sharpening of his claws on dunstans thick shoe leather .	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sleep stole across her consciousness and she surrendered to it . the next time she awoke , amanda was no longer in the next bed and she had a new visitor . elder dreamer manna had come to collect her . barely able to take time for farewells to her family , she was bundled off to the dreamer 's compound in upstate new york to learn how to use her new gift . chapter 3 no ! the word tasted bitter and ashy in her mouth . stop , stop , she whispered the word again and again then taking a deep breath , screamed it . she slammed her fist on the desk . her eyes were wide with shock and her hands curled and uncurled in fists as she stared at her father . jeff halted in mid-sentence and stared at his daughter as his eyes hardened . he stood slowly from his chair behind the desk . anger , thick and palpable made the air feel heavy and she felt icy tendrils of dread race up her spine . his words were low and even . carson shoved her fingers into her hair and raked the tight knot free from her neck . shaking her head , the curtain of black cascaded over her shoulders . furiously , she began to pace back and forth . in this day and age , you are serious ? slowly , a frown marred the sculpted perfect features of the alpha . taking a seat again behind the desk , he leaned forward and pointed at the chair across the way . sit , he commanded then waited somewhat patiently for her to obey . carson stopped her pacing and glared at her father . he commanded her and she growled . he was her father and her alpha but she fought against the compulsion that demanded her obedience . he pushed his will until it became a tangible living entity and slither around her mind and pressed against her until she gave in and practically fell back to the chair . he continued to glare at her and satisfied with her compliance , released his will and sat back . in answer to your question , yes i am serious . carson , i know you are n't quite twenty and still so very young for all this . he pinched the back of his neck a moment , his eyes closed as he worked his way through this . the council ... honey , they say that cayson ca n't assume beta or alpha . his ... , he hesitated a moment and a brief of pain crossed his features , ... abilities have been deemed unsuitable to assume leadership . he ca n't be beta and neither can you . i know without a doubt that either of you would make excellent leaders , but we operate under the laws of the council . we have no other family and they are demanding a beta ... they have to ensure that our people survive even if it means elsewhere . his eyes filled with pain , caught hers and held them hostage . they are threatening to either remove me as alpha in favor of some outsider family or more likely to split us between the two smallest packs , moon lake and mystic mountain . split ? our pack is the oldest on this continent . how can they just arbitrarily make a decision like that ? carson stood again and began to pace back and forth , her agitation clearly evident on her face . poppa , they ca n't do that . those two packs are on opposite sides of the country . they will be splitting family and friends . it will destroy our people . you ca n't allow that to happen ! i know this carson ! why do you think i called you back from your training ? but , she licked her lips and leaned over the edge of the desk . does n't my happiness mean anything at all ? he lowered his head into his hand and scrubbed the stubble of his jaw . your happiness means everything to me , baby girl . but happiness has to take a backseat to survival . we are pack rulers , happiness does n't always get a say-so in our lives . we have to do what we must to ensure the health and happiness of the entire pack . we ca n't be selfish ... me wanting to be with the one that was created for me is being selfish ? honestly you can sit there and ... and ... sell me for the sake of the pack ? carson , listen to me . you have n't found your life mate yet and are over the age of eighteen . our laws say ... damn the laws , father ! i wo n't be thrown to a pack of testosterone laden slobbering males with mating the only thing on their minds . i 've read the archives about mate runs . they are cruel , barbaric rituals that force a wolf to submit to the strongest male . it 's all instinct . what about tenderness ? do n't you even care what you are doing to me ? he snarled and stood up , throwing the chair behind him . she winced thinking perhaps she had pushed him too far but stood her ground . stalking around the table , he grabbed her arms in his hands . do you think that i want this ?	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she lifted her hand and swallowed in horror at the sticky blood that covered her palm . then she looked back at garrett in panic . `` sophie , move away , let me look at him . '' she turned to see donovan tugging at her arm , his face grim with worry . she allowed him to pick her up , and then she stumbled away as donovan bent over garrett . immediately she was enfolded in a fierce hug . talk to me , sophie . are you and the baby okay ? '' he ran his hands urgently over her body , pushing , pulling , tugging at her clothing as he searched for evidence of injury . then he reached out and touched her temple , his fingers coming away covered in blood . she stared stupidly at the blood-her blood . she remembered her hand hurting . she had n't registered that she was bleeding . garrett 's blood . `` ethan , get me something to clean this off so i can see how bad it is . '' he all but carried her to the hummer he 'd driven up in . he was exceedingly gentle with her as he set her down on the edge of the seat . her legs dangled over the edge , and she just sat there . suddenly exhausted . worried out of her mind . `` garrett should n't have done that , '' she murmured . she stared over to where donovan was taking care of garrett and talking into his receiver in urgent tones . garrett had said it was what family did , but she was n't family . certainly not his family . garrett did n't even like her . he had to think she 'd betrayed sam-betrayed them all . sam 's hands shook as they slid up her arms to grasp her shoulders . for a moment he held her there , his fingers firm against her skin . then he lowered his arms once more and gathered her hands in his . she yelped and yanked her right hand from his grasp and cradled it protectively against her chest . she kept her gaze purposely from his . she glanced over at garrett again and rocked back and forth , cupping her fingers against her . pain streaked up her arm . her head had started to ache too , and she could feel the warm blood slide slowly over her ear . sam watched and worried as sophie blanked out the world around her . ethan appeared with a med kit , and sam grabbed a bottle of saline and some bandages when ethan opened it `` go help van with garrett . does he have a chopper coming ? '' `` yeah , resnick is landing now . '' sam nodded and motioned ethan away . he had n't even heard the helicopter . he 'd been too focused on sophie . he carefully wiped at the blood that seeped down her temple and ear . she did n't seem to register what he was doing . her gaze was fixed on garrett in the distance . when he finally got the area cleaned , sam thumbed the gash and the knot on her head . it needed stitches . he hoped to hell that was all and that she did n't have a serious head injury . she needed transport too . he tried to pull her wrist away from her chest so he could look at her hand , but she resisted , holding it tense . `` honey , let me look at your hand . i need to see how badly you 've hurt it . '' he purposely kept his voice low-pitched and soothing . her gaze was still focused on garrett , and another tear rolled down her cheek . god almighty but he loved her . his skin itched and crawled with the need to hold her and comfort her . `` soph , let me have your hand , sweetheart . '' she looked at him finally , and then she glanced down at her hand , confusion clouding her blue eyes . slowly she extended it , but held it gingerly in her other hand . he winced when he saw the two swollen and obviously broken fingers . he gently prodded at her wrist and moved her other fingers . only the two were injured . it probably hurt like hell , but he could n't discern any other injuries . he prayed she did n't have anything internal . he touched a finger to her neck to find her pulse . it was a little erratic , but it beat strongly against his fingertips . her color was n't too bad considering . she was pale , yes , but not deathly so . it was her mental state that was bothering him at the moment . not even the sound of the helicopter fazed her . she just sat there , her eyes vacant , her face dusty and tear-stained . `` sam , '' ethan called . `` you need to get her aboard . mom and resnick are going to stay with me and van . we 'll drive out . there 's room for both you and sophie . '' sam gathered her close in his arms and carefully lifted her from the truck . she lay limply against him as he hurried across the ground toward the waiting helicopter .	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marius had done his worst to screw up her life , so it was ironic that he 'd really helped her instead . living with him had given her access to his computers and his passwords . with those advantages , she 'd planted information under his access code . she 'd created two secret council files-one with a reference to a fabricated new weapon and one with a nonexistent `` cure '' for vampirism . knowing that both of those items would be invaluable to the federation , she 'd deliberately left a back door to those files open and waited for the traitor to make their move . it had been a risky gamble , but one that paid off . the traitor had n't bothered to hide his personal information when he 'd downloaded the files . it would have taken weeks to circumvent the council anti-hacker programs with an anonymous identity , and since sable had set the files for automatic deletion in a couple days , she 'd forced his hand . he 'd used his own unique access code and revealed his identity in his greed . and now his gig was up , as the archaic saying went . sneaking into the house through the kitchen door , sable moved into the living room and crawled up the wall to the ceiling . she could hear hoff packing quickly , shoving documents into a bag along with a few articles of clothing . her fingers twitched restlessly around the hilt of her lasersword , preventing it from slipping out and crashing to the floor below . she walked toward the hallway with noiseless steps . hoff fell silent and her senses heightened . she crouched low , hugging the ceiling , as the hairs on her nape stood on end . and then she heard it , the sounds of transports moving into the drive . damn it , how did the task force get here so fast ? with a smothered curse , she crawled from the ceiling to the floor without a sound . preparing to pounce , she was startled by a steely arm wrapping around her throat . `` vamp bitch , '' hoff hissed in her ear . `` i 'd hoped those federation ships would kill you ! they would have too , if you had n't had atkinson on board to assist you . '' sable stilled , but she was n't afraid . she could easily break the human male in half with her bare hands . `` not a wise move , '' she said casually . she felt a sharp prodding against her back . `` yeah , do n't rip my tank . `` i 'm going to rip your heart out , '' he growled . `` and then i 'm going to stake it through . the federation is working on a program to eradicate your kind . i can only hope the information i sold them will speed up its inception . '' sable rolled her eyes , grabbed the arm that crushed her windpipe and broke it . the wooden stake in hoff 's other hand pressed against her skin and then sank in an inch . it burned like forged metal and she hissed , her fangs descending , her animal nature springing to the fore . she spun on him , furious and prepared to kill . vamps did n't get defensive . fully a predator , she lunged for his throat and was tackled from the side , the force of the blow carrying her across the room . in pain from the stake wound , sable fought viciously against the men who held her down . as she registered the sound of her captain 's voice , she felt the red haze of fury drain from her . she stared up at the stf agents who struggled to restrain her . she repeated when they refused to release her . screamed hoff . `` you ca n't trust them ! you ca n't control them ! they 're infected , diseased , rabid animals that need to be put down . we 're nothing but food to them . '' sable leapt to her feet and glared at the wild-eyed , red-haired man who struggled between the grips of two agents . captain donnie stepped into the doorway after the agents dragged hoff away . his countenance was grim as he came toward her . `` what the hell is the matter with you , taylor ? you 've never lost control like that before . '' she 'd let her personal turmoil affect her actions at a time when she should have been in control . living with marius was driving her insane . `` i 've been having some ... issues . they got the better of me . '' donnie shook his head and sighed . `` i promised you three months leave of absence when this case was over . why do n't you start them now ? just send your report to me by the end of the week . '' then she headed home to marius . * * * * * sable entered one of the dozen ostentatious , opulent mansions that belonged to marius drake and was grateful that she 'd never have to enter it again . while she 'd been in the database under marius 's access code , she 'd stumbled onto something that had shattered her heart .	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["sneak", 1067], ["sneakest", 1067], ["sneaking", 1067], ["house", 1082], ["kitchen", 1102], ["kitchens", 1102], ["move", 1121], ["moved", 1121], ["room", 1142], ["roomed", 1142], ["crawl", 1154], ["crawled", 1154], ["wall", 1166], ["ceiling", 1181], ["hear", 1198], ["hears", 1198], ["pack", 1211], ["packing", 1211], ["quickly", 1219], ["shove", 1229], ["shoving", 1229], ["document", 1239], ["documents", 1239], ["bag", 1250], ["bagged", 1250], ["bagging", 1250], ["along", 1256], ["article", 1276], ["articles", 1276], ["clothing", 1288], ["finger", 1302], ["fingers", 1302], ["twitch", 1311], ["twitching", 1311], ["twitchest", 1311], ["twitched", 1311], ["restlessly", 1322], ["around", 1329], ["hilt", 1338], ["prevent", 1369], ["preventest", 1369], ["preventing", 1369], ["slip", 1386], ["slipping", 1386], ["crash", 1403], ["crashing", 1403], ["floor", 1416], ["walk", 1435], ["walked", 1435], ["toward", 1442], ["hallway", 1454], ["hallways", 1454], ["noiseless", 1469], ["step", 1475], 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2964], ["tackled", 2964], ["side", 2978], ["sidest", 2978], ["blew", 3002], ["blow", 3002], ["blowest", 3002], ["carry", 3011], ["carrying", 3011], ["across", 3022], ["pain", 3041], ["wind", 3062], ["fight", 3077], ["fightest", 3077], ["fought", 3077], ["viciously", 3087], ["man", 3103], ["mans", 3103], ["manned", 3103], ["men", 3103], ["hold", 3112], ["held", 3112], ["register", 3141], ["registered", 3141], ["captain", 3166], ["voice", 3175], ["red", 3194], ["haze", 3199], ["hazes", 3199], ["fury", 3207], ["drain", 3213], ["stare", 3235], ["stared", 3235], ["agent", 3256], ["agents", 3256], ["struggle", 3270], ["struggled", 3270], ["restrain", 3282], ["restrains", 3282], ["repeat", 3301], ["repeatest", 3301], ["repeated", 3301], ["refuse", 3319], ["refused", 3319], ["release", 3330], ["scream", 3345], ["screams", 3345], ["screamed", 3345], ["ca", 3362], ["cas", 3362], ["trust", 3372], ["control", 3398], ["infect", 3423], ["infected", 3423], ["disease", 3434], ["diseased", 3434], ["rabid", 3442], ["animal", 3450], ["animals", 3450], ["need", 3460], ["needest", 3460], ["put", 3470], ["nothing", 3492], ["food", 3501], ["foods", 3501], ["leapt", 3526], ["foot", 3538], ["feet", 3538], ["glare", 3549], ["glared", 3549], ["wild", 3561], ["wildest", 3561], ["man", 3583], ["mans", 3583], ["manned", 3583], ["grip", 3615], ["grips", 3615], ["donnie", 3646], ["step", 3654], ["stepped", 3654], ["doorway", 3671], ["drag", 3696], ["dragged", 3696], ["away", 3706], ["countenance", 3724], ["grim", 3733], ["grims", 3733], ["come", 3744], ["came", 3744], ["hell", 3774], ["hells", 3774], ["matter", 3788], ["mattering", 3788], ["taylor", 3806], ["never", 3822], ["lose", 3827], ["lost", 3827], ["let", 3868], ["lets", 3868], ["turmoil", 3889], ["affect", 3896], ["action", 3908], ["actions", 3908], ["time", 3918], ["drive", 3988], ["driving", 3988], ["insane", 3999], ["issue", 4038], ["issues", 4038], ["get", 4049], ["got", 4049], ["well", 4060], ["wells", 4060], ["shake", 4084], 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his eyes grew hard and determined . his jaw tightened in anger , but when he reached out to grasp her arm , his touch was gentle and soothing . `` there never should have been any doubt you could come to me . i may be mad as hell . i may feel like a dumbass , but that 's nothing next to your and our child 's safety . did you honestly think i 'd turn you away once you 'd explained everything ? '' he sounded incredulous , and once again she was struck by how unfair it all was . she was expected to trust him , but he was n't required to believe squat about her or her intentions . `` if i 'd thought you 'd turn me away , i would n't be here , '' she said evenly . `` no , i did n't immediately come here . for one , i had no way of knowing how long you 'd be tied up in mexico . two , i had no way of knowing if anything would happen to you . three , once you no longer served the purpose of luring me into the open for my father 's men to snatch , you 'd be expendable . now the clock is ticking because as of the minute i came to you , you 're expendable . '' `` you really believe all that , do n't you ? '' she turned away from him , her shoulders heaving with anger . `` i 'm not an idiot , sam . you may not think what i 've done has been smart or that i 've had the best plan , but you know what ? it 's kept me alive so far . it 's kept you alive too . '' an impatient hiss escaped his lips , and then he gripped her shoulder and turned her back around to face him . just so there 's no further misunderstanding in the future . you will not make decisions in regard to your or the baby 's safety at my expense or in an effort to save me . that 's horse shit . my job-what i do-is protect people . from now on that 's you and our baby , sophie . i 'm protecting you both , and the best way you can help me do that is to listen to everything i tell you . do n't make rash , emotional decisions . and be honest with me . she wanted to deck him for being a condescending jerk , but she could see he truly was n't attempting to talk down to her . he was in total command mode , and he was talking to her like he 'd talk to one of his men . no nonsense and he expected compliance . she was sorely tempted to snap him a salute and rattle off a snarky `` yes sir ! '' `` now come here , '' he said in a low voice . the deep timbre sent a shiver down her skin . he sounded gruff and a little unsure , but there was also a compelling plea for her to come to him . she went and he caught her in his arms , pulling her against his chest . he was so warm that his heat soaked into her pores and invaded her stiff muscles . he felt so good , so absolutely right , that she could do nothing more than stand in the circle of his arms and bury her face in his neck . `` i 'll protect you , sophie . we have a lot to work out , and we 'll get there . but first i 'm going to do everything in my power to make sure no one ever touches you or our child . if you believe nothing else , believe this . '' `` i do believe you , '' she whispered . `` it 's why i came . '' `` i just wish you 'd come sooner , '' he said in a quiet voice . `` and you 're staying . '' he turned her toward the couch and urged her down once more . after making sure she was propped in a comfortable position , he carefully arranged the blankets around her . `` you need to rest and i 've got to plan our way out of here . donovan is doing some checking on our assassin . so if you 'll sit tight and let us do our thing , we 'll have you out of here as soon as possible . '' she tried to cover the yawn that threatened to crack her jaw , but gave up and surrendered halfway through . he leaned in , kissed her forehead and then smoothed his hand down her face . `` rest , sophie , and trust me to protect you and our baby . '' nodding his satisfaction , he turned on his heel and headed out of the living room to find his brothers , and she was left alone , huddled under the blankets on the couch to ponder the mess she 'd gotten the entire kelly family in . chapter 10 `` what did you find out ? '' sam demanded as soon as he returned to donovan and garrett . donovan looked up as sam approached . `` i ran the guy 's photo and prints through the cia database . 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and the likelihood of that ... the history between them could not be rewritten . if his heart ended up broken , it was his own damned fault . susans smile slipped away , her brows drawing together , and he realized what she was reading in his face . the piano keys were under his fingers and a teasing burst of notes lightened the atmosphere . susan rolled her eyes good-humoredly and shook her head . whatever you do , dont sing it . well be kicked out for sure . coming over , she sat beside elizabeth . elizabeth had regained her composureor a fragile veneer , anyway . joe heard the unspoken but . we were talking about paying mr. pearsall a visit . susan took the prompt . oh the sooner , the better , joe said . before victor tries to get to him . well run up for our wraps . elizabeth would be full of half-hearted protests all the way upstairs , joe knew . but when she came down , she seemed steadier ; resolved , perhaps , to know where her future lay . on the way uptown , she was quiet , and susan just the opposite , full of cheerful talk , as if she thought a distraction was needed . but murray hills familiar streets subdued even susan and when the cab passed a particular door , joe noticed he wasnt the only one to look in that direction . further down the street , half a dozen carriages waited in front of a crowded sidewalk . when their cab drew up to the carriage line , joe exchanged an apprehensive glance with susan before turning to elizabeth . does daniel give a lot of parties ? elizabeth allowed him to help her from the cab , only to stand on the curb with her wrap clutched around her , her gaze directed longingly into the cabs safe interior . daniels sister has a beau . her attention strayed to the house and her eyes were too bright in her pale face . if its an engagement party , joe ventured , wouldnt he have invited victor ? would victor associate with the pearsalls after breaking elizabeths engagement ? elizabeth preempted any more questions . victor seldom attends parties , even when it may benefit him . he told me once that people behave foolishly at parties . she glanced toward the house as yet another carriage arrived . if it is a party for catherine , i wont ruin it . her grief poorly concealed , she turned to joe . dont let the cab go , mr. mcgowan , please . maybe theres another way , joe said . ill bring daniel out to you . it will start up talk , no matter what . i guess we can come back tomorrow . susan spoke quietly , more to him than elizabeth . were not ready to play our hand where victors concerned . well , i intended to start looking for work in the morning , joe said . and i dont think the two of you should come back here without me . if victor follows you to the hotel we cant hide forever , susan said . ill be looking for work , too . and it would benefit all three of us to have the pearsalls on our side oh , come on . the only kind of job you could get in 1887 would be sewing daisies on girls hats and that would paywhat ? a few pennies a day ? its not worth the risk to your safety . let me worry about our living expenses i can get a decent-paying job and ill bet i can get one faster than you can . dont be so quick to count me out ive never counted you out , miss lennox . joe tried to keep his voice low , despite the desire to make his point . ive argued with you , yes . ive threatened you with lawsuits , outright lied to you now and then , tried in vain to flirt with you , and occasionally ive pondered whether i could bribe you to just leave the country . but ive nevernot once , evercounted you out . she was staring up at him , lips parted , brows raised , and he felt her warm breath on his face . he hadnt realized he was standing so close , and apparently she hadnt either , judging by the wary sparkle in her eyes . he had to think shed slap him if he kissed her right then . but ... oh , damn . she couldnt seem to pull from his gaze . i think our birds flown the coop . elizabeth evidently didnt care to be counted out , either . she was already at the house steps , the light from the open door shining on her blond head as she started up . as susan ran after her , joe stayed behind long enough to send off the cabbie . he caught up in the entrance hall , where he had to bend close to susans ear to be heard above the chatter . susan turned a worried gaze on him . she was heading upstairs with two women who seemed to know her .	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he 'd taken her to paris and london , where they 'd marveled at the christmas lights and festivities , and then they 'd gone on to germany , where they 'd spent days just absorbing the atmosphere . callie had been born a free spirit . it was how he 'd met her . she 'd been backpacking in greece and he 'd been there for a short vacation of his own . as soon as he 'd laid eyes on her , he 'd known that she would alter his life forever . he had n't reacted well . it was shame he 'd forever live with . he 'd very nearly messed up the best thing that had ever happened to him , but thank god for callie 's forgiving spirit because he 'd messed up not once , but twice . yes , he and callie both liked to roam . they were restless and eager to explore new places . but one thing he 'd realized in the time he and callie had been married was that she belonged here . on this mountain . in her meadow , the place where she 'd been born . callie 's meadow . and oddly , he found himself craving the return to the warm embrace of the colter family when he and callie were away . it had been he who 'd suggested that they spend this christmas with family . not just callie 's family anymore , but his own . and now lauren 's . he crept from the bedroom , knowing that if he wanted to get done what he 'd planned , it would take care and precision . but most of all , time . time that was fast running out as christmas approached . when he reached the office in the corner of the downstairs level , just off the living room , he picked up the phone and began making calls . the work would have to be done at night . by the time he was finished , he was short a hefty amount of cash but he was satisfied that he 'd been assured that what he wanted would be done . now , however , he needed to go make damn sure that callie 's dads did n't end up shooting someone for trespassing in the dead of night . if he hurried , he could make it back in time to cook breakfast for his girls . he smiled as the word simmered in his mind . the woman he loved more than anything and his baby sister . both here and safe with him . he went for his coat , grabbed the keys to the range rover , and headed out the door . normally he 'd make the walk across the meadow to the colters ' cabin , but he wanted to make it back before callie and lauren got up . a few minutes later , he pulled up to the colters ' cabin and slid out of the car . he was almost to the door when it opened and ethan called out a greeting . `` morning , max . what brings you out so early ? '' max took the extended hand and shook it before following ethan inside , where it was a good deal warmer . already a fire blazed in the big stone hearth and the room was alive with the twinkling christmas lights strung from the tree and along the mantel . it just felt like home in this big , cozy cabin that had once housed hunters when the colters had operated a guide service for elk hunting . ethan was quiet for a moment and his hand shook as he raised the cup of coffee he was holding to his lips . after he took a sip , he turned his gaze on max . she 's happy to be home . she does n't like to be away for long and being in the hospital was driving her crazy . '' `` i bet , '' max replied . `` i 'm glad she 's home , and i know callie is super relieved . '' `` yeah , we all are , '' ethan said quietly . `` she scared the hell out of us . it 's a sobering wake-up call when you realize just how close you come to losing someone or how easily they can slip away . '' but max knew . he knew all too well because he 'd come so damn close to losing callie that it still hurt him to think about it . adam walked into the living room , his head rearing back in surprise when he saw max standing there . `` anything the matter , son ? '' max was a grown man , but it still gave him a ridiculous thrill when adam called him son . it made him feel included . like another of the colter brothers . his place certainly had n't always been assured in this family . he was lucky callie 's dads and brothers had n't wiped the earth with him and ripped his nuts off . it certainly was n't because they had n't wanted to . but now there was warmth and acceptance , and max soaked it in . with the passing of his mother , he and lauren had been left alone in the world . having the colters was something he treasured greatly , and he 'd go to any lengths to protect what he now considered his . they had his loyalty and his love . `` no , not at all , '' max said .	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1788], ["goest", 1788], ["damn", 1798], ["damned", 1798], ["sure", 1803], ["dad", 1823], ["dads", 1823], ["end", 1835], ["ends", 1835], ["endest", 1835], ["shoot", 1847], ["shooted", 1847], ["shooting", 1847], ["trespassing", 1871], ["dead", 1883], ["hurry", 1908], ["hurried", 1908], ["hurryed", 1908], ["hurrying", 1908], ["back", 1932], ["cook", 1948], ["breakfast", 1958], ["girl", 1972], ["girls", 1972], ["smile", 1984], ["smiled", 1984], ["word", 1996], ["simmer", 2005], ["simmered", 2005], ["mind", 2017], ["minding", 2017], ["woman", 2029], ["womans", 2029], ["love", 2038], ["loved", 2038], ["anything", 2057], ["baby", 2070], ["sister", 2077], ["safe", 2098], ["safes", 2098], ["safed", 2098], ["go", 2117], ["goest", 2117], ["went", 2117], ["coat", 2130], ["grab", 2140], ["grabbed", 2140], ["key", 2149], ["keyed", 2149], ["keyest", 2149], ["keys", 2149], ["range", 2162], ["ranged", 2162], ["rover", 2168], ["head", 2181], ["headed", 2181], ["door", 2194], ["normally", 2205], ["walk", 2225], ["across", 2232], ["colter", 2258], ["colters", 2258], ["cabin", 2266], ["get", 2327], ["got", 2327], ["minute", 2346], ["minutes", 2346], ["later", 2352], ["pull", 2364], ["pulled", 2364], ["slid", 2399], ["car", 2414], ["almost", 2430], ["open", 2457], ["opened", 2457], ["ethan", 2467], ["call", 2474], ["called", 2474], ["greeting", 2489], ["morning", 2502], ["max", 2508], ["bring", 2522], ["brings", 2522], ["early", 2539], ["take", 2553], ["took", 2553], ["hand", 2571], ["shake", 2581], ["shook", 2581], ["follow", 2601], ["following", 2601], ["inside", 2614], ["good", 2636], ["deal", 2641], ["warm", 2648], ["already", 2658], ["fire", 2665], ["blaze", 2672], ["blazed", 2672], ["big", 2683], ["bigs", 2683], ["stone", 2689], ["stoning", 2689], ["hearth", 2696], ["alive", 2719], ["twinkle", 2738], ["strung", 2762], ["string", 2762], ["strings", 2762], ["tree", 2776], ["treed", 2776], ["treeing", 2776], ["along", 2786], ["mantel", 2797], ["mantels", 2797], ["feel", 2812], ["felt", 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i 'll call your brothers , '' was all he said , before hanging up the phone . mark went back to the bedroom so he could lie next to emily again . he did n't want her to wake up alone and panic . he needed to be there for her , to reassure her everything was going to be okay . emily woke in mark 's arms and for a moment forgot all about the letter and the devastation . he was pressed up against her back and his desire for her was obvious . she rubbed against him , automatically stretching and pressing her backside closer to his hardness . `` seriously woman you 're trying to kill me , '' mark mumbled into her hair , as he kissed her neck and ran his hand gently up her side , to cup her ample br**sts . the peaks hardened instantly at his touch and she wiggled , trying to get as close to him as possible . `` that 's the plan , '' she purred . he flipped her over and they made love with a sweetness that was beyond anything she 'd ever felt before . she was really starting to feel loved by the wonderful man , who she still could n't believe was a part of her life . `` i would much prefer to stay here in bed with you all day but we have guests , '' he said to her , as he nibbled on her neck some more . suddenly the hours before she 'd passed out came flooding back and emily 's whole body stiffened . she was saddened to be brought back so suddenly to reality . `` it 's okay baby , i called my family and they are here , so we can all come up with a game plan . we are a family and we protect each other . '' `` you should n't have bothered them with this . you are safe , '' she said perplexed . mark stared at her as if she 'd lost her mind . `` do you really think either you or trevor are any less important than me ? '' `` i just meant your family did n't have to drop everything because i got some creepy letter , '' she tried to explain . `` that letter should be taken seriously and we are going to make sure you are safe , '' he told her with finality . he was far too aware letters like that could lead to grave danger . when you grew up as wealthy as he had , things were always taken seriously and he did n't want her to know how scared he really was . emily shrugged , caving in to his demands . `` i 'm going to shower really fast before heading down . '' `` then neither of us would ever get down there , '' she said . she gave him a quick kiss and then firmly shut the bathroom door behind her . mark laid on the bed thinking of each moment he spent with her . he loved her strong will and he loved her kindness . it scared the hell out of him but at the same time it felt right . he finally made his way down the stairs and was surprised to see his entire family . not only had his dad come with his brothers but their spouses and children too . `` uncle mark , '' jasmine yelled and threw her arms around his legs . `` you took forever to come down . daddy said you were comforting aunt emily , '' she said and put quotation marks around comforting , like her daddy had done . she had no idea what she was saying but mark glared at his brother anyway . `` is n't my niece a little bit young for you to be teaching bad habits ? '' mark asked lucas . `` hey i was just telling her what a good comforter you are , '' lucas goaded him . `` quit your fighting , we have things to discuss and people to beat the crap out of , '' alex said . `` language alex , '' jessica scolded him . `` sorry , honey , '' alex said sheepishly . `` i called chad . he 'll be here in a couple days . i 'm not sure where he 's flying from but it must be far away , '' mark informed them . `` i 'm glad to hear he 's coming in to help out , '' joseph added , with relief evident . `` me too , '' mark said . he was already feeling better about emily 's safety just having his family in the room . there was no way anyone would get to her with his brothers there . `` we 're staying here until this gets solved , '' lucas said . the rest of the people in the room all nodded their heads in agreement . `` i 've already prepared the rooms , '' edward added , as he set out some drinks and snacks . mark blinked several times as his eyes began to sting . he could n't imagine life without his family . he truly felt sorry for those millions of people who did n't have the same support system . he was grateful he had more money than he could possibly ever spend but he would give up every last dime before he would give up one member of his family . he realized that included emily and trevor as well .	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he caught her wrist before she passed him . `` how much shit have you got in there ? cel phones , jump drives , keys . '' yanking her hand free , she gestured at the skintight , sleeveless black catsuit she wore . `` where the hel else am i going to carry things ? '' his hand , however , did n't budge , despite the ferocity of her movement . it remained suspended by her shoulder , close enough that she tensed in expectation of his touch . slowly , as if she might yet bolt , he adjusted his position to bring them face-to-face again and reached for the exposed zipper that was nestled between her brsts . breasts that swel ed and began to ache , growing heavy in anticipation of his touch . she 'd forgotten what it felt like to be physical y aroused , forgotten how intoxicating it was , how it impeded the ability to think rational y and act with common sense . `` keep your paws to yourself , '' she bit out , stepping back . `` not wanting to be mauled does n't make me scared , ahole . '' emerald eyes glittering with chal enge in the moonlight , he held up both hands . `` i promise to keep my paws to myself . i just want to see what else you 've got in there . atm cards ? spare tire ? '' `` i 've shown you mine , '' he taunted softly , goading her with a lycan 's overt sexuality . vampires were sexual creatures , too , but lycans were pagans , their demon-tainted blood spurring wild natures . elijah was more brutal y sexual than any other lycan she 'd ever met , his confidence and quiet command stemming from his comfort with himself , his luscious body , and his awareness of his virility and strength . she could n't get the image of him out of her head-naked , bloody , his big hand stroking his big cock , his eyes dark and hot with wanting her . the memory had haunted her al night while he slept soundly . pissed at the imbalance in the attraction between them , vash yanked her zipper to her navel and pul ed the separated halves aside . her br**sts bounced free , the tips hardening as a cool breeze slid across them . she was braless due to the natural constriction of the suit , which hugged her so tightly any underwear would have marred the sleek lines . the garment was comfortable , affording her ful range of movement , and it distracted her opponents-win/win al around . he stared , unblinking , his face hardening into an austere mask of ferocious hunger . his arms fel slowly to his sides , his hands fisting . pure feminine power slid through her , her anger and frustration soothed by his undisguised helpless captivation . when she moved to close her top , he growled low and deep , the rumbling sound an unmistakable animal warning . she stil ed instinctively , her body freezing in place as if lack of movement would make her invisible to the predator stalking her . in her haste to retaliate , she 'd awakened the beast . now the steady , powerful drumming of his heartbeat was spurring her potent vampiric needs . the intrinsic hunger for blood and sex . that 's what she craved with a force that shook her , as if the desire for a man 's touch had always been inside her . lying dormant . waiting for the right man to jolt it to life . that man stepped closer . then lowered his head ... she breathed his name , her pulse pounding violently . her body was straining toward his without her volition , every muscle taut with expectation and wanting . she should 've backed away again , would have done so if she 'd been capable of moving . instead it felt like her feet had been encased in concrete , rooting her in place . his breath gusted hot over her nipple , his lips hovering over the stiffened peak . `` no paws , '' he whispered . then he stroked his rough tongue across her with a long , leisurely lick . her gasp was a whiplash in the stil of the night ; her body jerked as if she 'd been tasered . she felt as if she had been . needles of sharpened awareness swept over her skin from head to toe . the roots of her hair stood on end , tingling with the need to feel his grip fisting the crimson strands . he groaned , the sound fil ed with pleasure and torment . `` offer yourself to me , '' he ordered roughly , licking his lips . she swal owed hard , tasting blood and realizing her fangs had descended and pierced her . her hunger beat at her senses , rushing through her veins , mingling with her sexual desire until they were one and the same .	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`` good night , '' she said with obvious false cheer . `` little coward , '' jason muttered under his breath , amused . `` saturday morning ! '' `` i 'll call you in the morning about higgins . '' `` please , '' she said , her eyes widening as though she 'd momentarily forgotten the dog . she snapped open her purse and withdrew a business card , walking toward him now . `` this is my number at the office . i 'll be there after nine . '' `` then i 'll phone at nine . '' `` 'night , '' he echoed , returning to his apartment . he was n't there more than five minutes when his doorbell chimed . he certainly was n't in the mood for company , but as the building owner and manager , he could n't very well ignore a visitor . he opened his door to discover carrie standing on the other side , a covered plastic bowl in her hand . he accepted the container with a puzzled frown . `` mom asked me to bring you some chocolate chip cookies , '' she said , grinning broadly . five `` mom , you look fine . '' `` i do n't look fine ... i look wretched , '' charlotte insisted , viewing her backside in the hallway mirror . she must 've been mad to let carrie talk her into buying jeans . fashionably faded jeans , no less . not only had she plunked down ninety bucks for the pair , they looked as if they 'd spent the past ten years in someone 's attic . `` you 're acting like a little kid , '' carrie said , slapping her hands against her sides in disgust . `` we 're going to a softball game , not the senior prom . '' `` why did n't you tell me my thighs are so ... round ? '' charlotte cried in despair . `` no woman wants to be seen in pants that make her legs look like hot dogs . carrie just rolled her eyes . `` call jason , '' charlotte told her daughter . `` tell him ... anything . make up some excuse . '' `` please do as i say . '' `` we 're meeting his family , '' charlotte cried . `` i ca n't meet his brothers and sisters-in-law looking like this . '' `` change clothes , then , if you 're so self-conscious . '' as though she had anything to change into . charlotte 's wardrobe was limited to business suits and sweatpants . there was no in-between . she could n't afford to clothe both of them in expensive jeans . but after jason had invited her out for today , she 'd allowed carrie to talk her into a shopping spree . thank heaven for visa . and thank heaven for jason 's generosity ; he 'd refused to accept any payment for the dog 's care . `` i 'm not calling jason ! '' carrie crossed her arms righteously . the girl had a streak of stubbornness a mile wide , and charlotte had collided with it more than once . defeated , charlotte muttered under her breath and fled to her room , sitting on the end of her bed . before the shopping trip , she 'd managed to put today 's plans out of her mind and focus her attention on higgins . then the softball game had turned into the better part of a day , including a picnic , involving most of his family . `` mom , '' carrie said , approaching her carefully . charlotte shrugged , not sure how to explain her nervousness . `` i wish i 'd never agreed to this . '' carrie wanted to know . `` i 've been looking forward to it all week . just think of all the babysitting prospects . jason 's family is a potential gold mine for me . '' carrie sat on the bed beside charlotte . `` we 're going , are n't we ? '' she was overreacting , and she knew it . after shelling out ninety bucks she was wearing those jeans , no matter how they made her look . `` good , '' carrie said , leaping excitedly to her feet . `` i 've got the picnic basket packed . honestly , mom , we 're bringing so much food , we could open a concession stand . '' `` i did n't want to run short . '' charlotte did n't bother denying that she 'd packed enough to feed jason 's entire family . a fruit-and-cheese plate , sandwiches , potato salad , a batch of chocolate chip cookies and a variety of other goodies she 'd thrown in at the last minute . jason had casually mentioned the picnic the day before , when she 'd gone to the hospital to visit higgins . the dog was just beginning to respond to them . he was recovering slowly , but according to jason , they 'd be able to bring him home within a week . charlotte soon discovered that visiting her new dog was a dual-edged sword .	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and luanne had said nothing ever happened in long shaft . chapter nine when he heard something charging through the woods and smelled the foul odor , flynn hurried out into the hall , prepared to defend zoe if necessary . he expected and fervently hoped that she 'd come tearing out of her bedroom and rush to him for protection . whoever or whatever was out there was moving away from the cabin , not toward it , which muted the danger factor . zoe had probably decided to tough it out rather than risk another close encounter with flynn . he was impressed with her resolve . or , and this was a depressing thought , maybe she was n't all that motivated to have sex with him . he 'd been so carried away by the excitement of bodily contact that he might have imagined her response . all that heat could have been coming from him and bouncing off of her , making her seem as hot as he was when she was actually being polite . any minute now he 'd start feeling guilty for suggesting they get horizontal , but so far all he felt was a high level of frustration because they had n't done that . a walk outside would help clear his mind and get his buddy to relax . yeah , he definitely needed a walk to cool down . with zoe forbidden to him , he wanted to investigate the area and look for evidence to indicate what had run past the cabin just now . he 'd heard the rhythm of two feet hitting the ground , not four , so he doubted it had been a bear . and there was that smell . he wished to hell he had a flashlight . in the morning maybe he 'd drive to the nearest hardware store and buy one . they needed a flashlight in case of emergencies , not to mention potential bigfoot sightings . the cabin should have come with one , but it had n't . he was stuck with the butane flamethrower for now . retrieving it from the hearth where he 'd replaced it after the luanne incident , he started to leave . then he remembered that zoe might be startled if she happened to look out her bedroom window and see him roaming around in the dark pointing his flame every which way , so he walked down the hall and tapped on her door with the tip of the lighter . `` bigfoot . '' cheap shot , but he could n't resist . who did she think it would be ? listen , i 'm going outside to look around . '' he did n't think that was wise . too much togetherness in the dark was n't a good thing . maybe you should stay here and- '' she opened her door , cutting off his protest . i 'm supposed to be observing you , remember ? '' she 'd changed out of her ugly beige suit into a ragged gray sweatshirt and faded sweats the color of bile . the new outfit did nothing to calm his libido . he wanted to grab the hem of her sweatshirt and yank it over her head . `` i do n't see how following me around outside applies to your research . '' vera is a scientist , which means she 's curious about everything . just like you , she 'd want to look for clues about whatever it was that ran past here a while ago . '' he thought maybe her outfit was mismatched on purpose as part of her nerd wardrobe . the sweatshirt had a picture of einstein on the front , along with the theory of relativity formula . flynn envied the old guy his venue . draped over zoe 's br**sts , einstein looked almost three-dimensional . `` i 'd have had to be deaf not to hear it , '' she said . `` sounded like an elephant jogging on its hind legs . '' she threw out the comment with bravado , but she looked a little nervous . `` and the thing was smelly , too . '' `` you really can stay here . you do n't have to go with me . '' `` i 'd rather go with you than stay by myself , okay ? '' he could n't very well force her to stay . he 'd just have to watch himself and not get into any cozy situations . `` flynn , we can handle this , '' she said , as if reading his mind . he gazed at her and wondered if she had any concept of her sex appeal . she would n't have to do anything more elaborate than stand there to drive a guy insane . he could n't believe he 'd never realized how vulnerable he was to that , but then again , they 'd always been in his office or at a crowded restaurant . here in the middle of the woods was a whole different story , a test of willpower he had n't counted on . her breathing changed as she held his gaze . `` you do n't think we can ? '' he did n't want to admit he was losing control . she was an international star who lived in a galaxy far , far away from him . he gestured with the butane lighter . `` let 's go see what we find . 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but i 'm warning you , gavin jarrod , if there are any bears or fanged creatures , i 'm pushing you into them and running for it while they feast on you . '' her feisty attitude would definitely make their relationship interesting . he led her toward the mine 's newest section . `` some mines have steep drops or winzes that go straight down . our ancestors kept the tunnels relatively level , but there are plenty of drifts to explore . '' `` drifts ? '' `` dead-end tunnels . the one where your grandfather left his mark is ahead on your right . '' he lifted the lantern , illuminating a broad beam as they approached the turn . `` the depth and shape of the second set of initials is different from the first . it does n't look like the same person carved the letters . '' she stepped closer , brushing against him in the narrow space . he caught a trace of her flowery scent over the earthy smell of the tunnel and his pulse quickened . she peeled off a glove and lifted her hand to trace the letters of the second trio . `` cdc . colleen douglas caldwell . these are my grandmother 's initials . she always used to put a little heart like this one after her name . '' he had a crazy urge to coil a curl around his finger , but focused instead on why he 'd brought her here . `` the carvings and this section were n't here when i left for college , and i do n't remember seeing them when i came home on school breaks . your grandparents must have dug this sometime in the last six years . '' `` my grandmother died five years ago . '' the pain in her voice sounded fresh . her fingers lingered , then her arm slowly lowered , as if she hated breaking the connection . `` she was more of a mother to me during those summer months than mine was for the rest of the year-not that my mother was or is a bad parent . she 's just totally absorbed with her arctic mammals . '' he reached into his pocket and dug out his pocketknife then flicked open the blade . sabrina stumbled back , fear flashing in her eyes . he 'd never had a woman be afraid of him before , and he did n't like it . he offered her the butt of the knife . `` keep the family tradition alive and carve your initials into the beam . '' the wariness faded from her face , replaced by a vulnerability that jump-started his pulse and made him want to take her in his arms , but if he did that he was going to kiss her again-and reinforce her suspicions that he was using old tricks on her . she took the knife from him . she tucked her tongue into the corner of her mouth as she worked . the gesture was damned adorable . then in the lantern light he caught the glistening of tears brimming in her eyes and rolling down her cheeks , and it hit him low and hard that sabrina could be hurt by the marriage scheme . but what choice did he have except to carry on ? his family was counting on him . she had to get rid of gavin jarrod , sabrina decided as he shadowed her to the inn 's front door as the sun set . but more immediately , she had to avoid kissing him again.guilt and fear intertwined inside her . for a moment up on the mountain she 'd weakened and let herself be swept away by the strength of gavin 's arms as he held her and the passion in his kiss as his lips plied hers . she 'd taken pleasure in the leashed power of his muscle-packed form against her , the smell of him , the taste of him-all that manly stuff her life had been lacking lately-and her body had awakened with a rush of desire . in that moment , she 'd forgotten russell . she 'd forgotten how much loving him had cost her , how much losing him had hurt and the vow she 'd made while standing at his graveside to never open herself up to that kind of pain again . determined to keep her distance from gavin , she stopped at the door , pivoted and offered her hand . `` thank you for lunch and for showing me the mine . '' eyes narrowed , he studied her extended arm , then searched her face . his long , warm fingers closed around hers , but instead of shaking her hand and releasing her , he anchored her in place and bent his head . her heart sputtered in panic . she ducked at the last second to dodge his kiss , and his lips settled on her temple . she tried to pull away , but he kept her tethered with his strong grip , then he feathered a string of soft branding caresses along her cheekbone . a shudder of awareness shimmied over her . she struggled to clear her head with gulps of chilly autumn air . `` stop , gavin , '' she croaked and pushed against him with her free hand . how could she tell a man that he 'd made her feel and she preferred being numb ? without loosening his grip gavin slowly straightened .	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every time the light shines through the window we built or any window at all , you 'll know i 'm right there with you , okay ? that 's going to be me . i 'll be the light in the window . '' jonah nodded , not even bothering to wipe away his tears . steve continued to hold his son , wishing with all his heart that he could make things better . 35 ronnie ronnie went outside with her mom and jonah to see them off , and to speak with her mom alone before she left , asking her to do something for her as soon as she got back to new york . then she returned to the hospital and sat with her dad , waiting until he fell asleep . for a long time he remained silent , staring out the window . she held his hand , and they sat together without speaking , both of them watching the clouds drifting slowly beyond the glass . she wanted to stretch her legs and get some fresh air ; her dad 's good-bye to jonah had left her drained and shaky . she did n't want to picture her brother on the plane or entering their apartment ; she did n't want to think about whether he was still crying . outside , she walked along the sidewalk in front of the hospital , her mind wandering . she was almost past him when she heard him clear his throat . he was seated on a bench ; despite the heat , he wore the same kind of long-sleeved shirt he always did . `` hi , ronnie , '' pastor harris said . `` i was hoping to visit with your father . '' `` he 's sleeping , '' she said . `` but you can go up there if you want . '' he tapped his cane , buying time . `` i 'm sorry for what you 're going through , ronnie . '' she nodded , finding it hard to concentrate . even this simple conversation seemed impossibly arduous . somehow , she got the sense he felt the same way . `` would you pray with me ? '' his blue eyes held a plea . `` i like to pray before i see your dad . it ... helps me . '' her surprise gave way to an unexpected sense of relief . `` i 'd like that very much , '' she answered . she began to pray regularly after that , and she found that pastor harris was right . not that she believed her dad would be cured . she 'd spoken to the doctor and seen the scans , and after their conversation , she 'd left the hospital and gone to the beach and cried for an hour while her tears dried in the wind . she knew that some people did , but she could n't force herself to think that her dad was somehow going to make it . not after what she 'd seen , not after the way the doctor had explained it . the cancer , she 'd learned , had metastasized from his stomach to his pancreas and lungs , and holding out hope seemed ... dangerous . she could n't imagine having to come to terms a second time with what was happening to him . it was hard enough already , especially late at night when the house was quiet and she was alone with her thoughts . instead she prayed for the strength she needed to help her dad ; she prayed for the ability to stay positive in his presence , instead of crying every time she saw him . she knew he needed her laughter and he needed the daughter she 'd recently become . the first thing she did after bringing him home from the hospital was to take him to see the stained-glass window . she watched as he slowly approached the table , his eyes taking in everything , his expression one of shocked disbelief . she knew then that there had been moments when he 'd wondered whether he would live long enough to see it through . more than anything , she wished jonah had been there with them , and she knew her dad was thinking the same thing . it had been their project , the way they 'd spent their summer . he missed jonah terribly , he missed him more than anything , and though he turned away so she could n't see his face , she knew there were tears in his eyes as he made his way back to the house . he called jonah as soon as he got back inside . from the living room , ronnie could hear her dad 's assurances that he was feeling better , and though jonah would likely misinterpret that , she knew her dad had done the right thing . he wanted jonah to remember the happiness of the summer , not dwell on what was coming next . that night , as he sat on the couch , he opened the bible and began to read . ronnie now understood his reasons . she took a seat beside him and asked the question she 'd been wondering about since she 'd examined the book herself . `` do you have a favorite passage ? '' `` i 've always enjoyed the psalms . and i always learn a lot from the letters of paul . '' `` but you do n't underline anything , '' she said . when he raised an eyebrow , she shrugged .	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ian did not speak of anything about his time among the mohawk , and the only token he had brought back from the north was an armlet , made of blue-and-white wampum shells . jamie had caught a glimpse of it in ian 's sporran once , but not enough to tell the pattern of it . blessed michael defend you , lad , he thought silently toward ian . and may the angels mend you . with one thing and another , he had no real conversation with roger mac until they 'd stopped for their noon meal . they ate the fresh stuff the women had sent , enjoying it . enough for supper left ; next day , it would be corn dodgers and anything that came across their path that could be easily caught and cooked . and one day more , and the snowbird women would have them royally fed , as representatives of the king of england . `` last time , it was ducks , stuffed wi ' yams and corn , '' he told roger . `` it 's manners to eat as much as ye can , mind , no matter what 's served , and ye 're the guest . '' roger smiled faintly , then looked down at the half-eaten sausage roll in his hand . guests , i mean . there 's a wee problem , i think-with hiram crombie . '' jamie was surprised . `` what 's to do wi ' hiram ? '' roger 's mouth twitched , unsure whether to laugh or not . `` well , it 's only-ye ken everybody 's calling the bones we buried ephraim , aye ? it 's all bree 's fault , but there it is . '' jamie nodded , curious . yesterday hiram came along to me , and said he 'd been studying upon the matter-praying and the like-and had come to the conclusion that if it were true that some of the indians were his wife 's kin , then it stood to reason that some of them must be saved , as well . '' amusement began to kindle in his own breast . and so , he says , he feels called upon to bring these hapless savages the word of christ . for how else are they to hear it ? '' jamie rubbed a knuckle over his upper lip , torn now between amusement and dismay at the thought of hiram crombie invading the cherokee villages , psalmbook in hand . well , but ... do ye not believe-presbyterians , i mean-that it 's all predestined ? that some are saved , i mean , and some damned , and not a thing to be done about it ? which is why the papists are all bound for hell in a handbasket ? '' `` ah ... well ... '' roger hesitated , clearly not quite willing to put the matter so baldly himself . there may be some difference of opinion among presbyterians , i imagine . but yes , that 's more or less what hiram and his cohorts think . '' well , then , if he thinks some o ' the indians must be saved already , why must they be preached to ? '' roger rubbed a finger between his brows . `` well , d 'ye see , it 's the same reason presbyterians pray and go to kirk and all . even if they 're saved , they feel they want to praise god for it , and-and learn to do better , so as to live as god wishes them to . in gratitude for their salvation , see ? '' `` i rather think hiram crombie 's god might take a dim view of the indian way of living , '' jamie said , with vivid memories of nak*d bodies in the dimness of ember glow , and the smell of furs . `` quite , '' roger said , catching claire 's dry tone so exactly that jamie laughed . `` aye , i see the difficulty , '' he said , and he did , though he still found it funny . `` so hiram means to go to the cherokee villages and preach ? roger nodded , swallowing a bit of sausage . `` to be more exact , he wants you to take him there . and make introduction for him . he wouldna expect ye to interpret the preaching , he says . '' he took a moment to contemplate this prospect , then shook his head decidedly . roger pulled the cork from a bottle of beer , and offered it to him . `` i just thought i should tell ye , so ye can decide best what to say to him when he asks . '' `` verra thoughtful of ye , '' jamie said , and taking the bottle , drank deeply . he lowered it , took breath-and froze . he saw roger mac 's head turn sharply and knew he had caught it , too , borne on the chilly breeze . roger mac turned back to him , black brows furrowed . `` do ye smell something burning ? 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murie shrugged with disinterest . `` tell him i am too busy to see him . '' `` do you think that is wise , my lady ? '' she 'd started to bend back to her weeds , but paused at the question . eyebrows rising , she asked , `` what do you mean ? '' `` well , it occurred to me you might be able to learn something that would give us a better idea if malculinus is behind these attacks on his lordship , '' anselm said slowly . `` he may let something slip , or at the very least his behavior toward you may tell us whether he has hopes of marrying you should his lordship die . '' she really had no desire to even look at the man , let alone speak to him , and she had so much work to do . but if malculinus were behind the attacks on her husband ... `` aye , '' she agreed , getting stiffly to her feet . `` i shall see what i can find out . '' anselm nodded encouragingly . `` i shall stay close by , in case there is trouble . '' `` thank you , '' she said , though she doubted lord aldous would openly cause trouble at gaynor . he seemed to prefer sneaky , behind-the-back methods of getting what he wanted . `` lady murie ! '' malculinus stood and greeted her with a smile when she entered the great hall . `` you have done wonders with the castle . it almost appears livable again . it had really gone to ruin since the plague . '' `` thank you , my lord , '' murie said stiffly as she approached the table , for truly , that was about the most backhanded compliment she 'd ever received . it `` almost appeared livable '' ? it looked bloody lovely to her eyes . irritated , she turned her gaze to the man with malculinus and felt her eyes narrow . anselm had said malculinus took baxley with him everywhere , but she had n't recalled him hanging about malculinus at court . she had assumed he had n't needed his services there . still , the man did look familiar . he was tall and more slender than she would have expected in a bodyguard , and his hair was a strawberry blond . she was trying to sort out where she 'd seen him when malculinus took her hand and pressed a kiss to it . `` you are more than welcome , '' malculinus assured her , peering up from where he bent over her hand , his lips still touching it and moving against her skin . `` and more than welcome at castle aldous anytime . in fact , i was just telling baxley that i should be so lucky as to have a wife as industrious as yourself to grace my castle . although , of course , you yourself would be preferred . '' murie blinked and snatched her hand away , trying to sort out whether he 'd just said something terribly bold , or if she 'd misunderstood completely . a glance in anselm 's direction suggested she 'd not misunderstood . malculinus had just openly claimed he would gladly take her to wife . the only problem was , she was already married . as if reading her mind , malculinus said , `` where is your husband ? not still sick in bed after his head wound , i hope ? we did hear at aldous of his misadventure , and i wished to come by and extend my condolences . '' `` condolences are unnecessary . balan is fine , '' she assured him grimly . `` is he here then ? '' murie hesitated , unsure if telling the man where her husband was would be smart . if malculinus were behind these attacks , he might arrange an ambush upon her husband 's return . although , she supposed that would be difficult on such short notice , and she need not say when he was returning . `` my husband is out at the moment , '' she answered , deciding upon caution . malculinus made a moue of disappointment . `` i suppose we shall just have to enjoy your company alone then . '' murie very much suspected he would be the only one to enjoy the time . still , she had to try to find out what she could and supposed she would have to be nice to do so . `` would you care for a drink , my lord ? '' while the offer sounded polite and even friendly , murie was aware of its punitive nature even as she spoke . fish cakes and the rather vile ale they had at gaynor would hardly be a treat for this man , who probably had a proper alewife with the proper ingredients to make the drink , as well as plenty of foodstuffs to make delectable treats . `` fishcakes and bad ale ? '' malculinus asked with a laugh . murie 's eyes narrowed , but she simply said , `` you seem to know quite a bit of what goes on at gaynor , my lord . '' `` your cook 's sister is still at aldous . `` clement ? 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the mental image alone was enough to make her moan . `` i need you here , '' she burst out . quickly , she amended , `` i need to come , seth . '' tell me how it feels . burning up . '' `` is it wet enough for me ? '' `` i want you so wet that i can slide in deep and fast and not hurt you . '' the only answer she could conjure up for him was an agonized sound halfway between a whimper and a sob . he 'd done it like that before . he had n't shown her any mercy . she had n't wanted him to . a strangled sound tore from his throat . `` if i touch my clit , i think i 'll explode . '' and i need to hear you . '' she pulled her fingers from her clenching depths and slid them over her swollen bud , biting down on her lip so hard she winced . or maybe it was from the pleasure that zapped the last of her remaining senses . she did n't have to be embarrassed about letting him hear her cry out as she came-there was no other option . the release , so sweet , so needed despite everything that had already happened tonight , left her drained and panting in its aftermath . from his gasp and shuddering breath over the connection , she knew he 'd gone with her . she only wished he could have been here inside her , pressed against her , keeping her anchored to the earth . because she was floating somewhere around jupiter . a whole other world sprawled wide before her , so far removed from her own . she was looking forward to the visit . she just did n't know if she could live there . chapter six the morning dawned clear and beautiful ... and planted a dagger between macy 's eyes . despite the alcohol and the orgasms , she 'd tossed and turned all night . she could n't even remember what she and seth had talked about after the earth had moved ; she only knew that the sleepy cadence of his voice was enormously sexy . though she 'd hardly been able to hold her eyes open by the time she hung up , she had n't wanted to say good night to him . there was no way she was going to make it in to work today , but she doubted any of the employees would miss her . she did n't amble into the kitchen for coffee until almost noon , and then she lounged in her pajamas-which she 'd slipped into only upon waking almost completely nak*d this morning-until after two . her phone was troublingly silent , but then if what he 'd once told her was true , he slept late himself . and she wanted to hear from him . even in the back of her intoxicated mind last night , she 'd taken some comfort in knowing she might wake up this morning having come to her senses . that her totally out-of-character behavior around him was simply the result of minor glitches in her normally mundane life . a person could take only so much monotony before they had to let off a little steam , right ? seth had been her pressure release . unfortunately , the pressure had built back up overnight . if he was still on board , she could n't wait for tonight . there was damage control to do in the meantime . by now , candace would probably be at brian 's side at dermamania , and macy owed her an apology . not just for the few tense minutes they 'd spent discussing candace 's lifestyle choices last night , but for the past year they 'd spent discussing them . seth had been right with the whole live-and-let-live thing . as he 'd said , if there was distance between macy and her friends , it was because she 'd put it there . the world would n't be crammed into her neat little unchanging box no matter how much she wanted it to be . candace 's life was hers to live . god knows she 'd fought hard enough to break free from people telling her what to do . macy did n't need to be the one stark reminder of candace 's dark times before brian had come along . the girl did n't deserve that , and macy was going to start working on changing it . still , walking into the tattoo parlor where her best friend spent most of her time away from home and class always gave macy the shudders . dark sunglasses shielding her eyes , she drove to the parlor and deflated when she did n't recognize seth 's car in the parking lot . not that he was the reason she needed to come here to do this , but seeing him would 've been a perk . inside , the usual heavy metal was playing at thankfully tolerable levels and the banter was flying fast and furious . candace was nowhere in sight . `` ... all directly out of your friggin ' minds , '' brian was saying without looking up from the tattoo he was working on .	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4388], ["mind", 4396], ["minding", 4396], ["minds", 4396], ["say", 4418], ["sayest", 4418], ["saying", 4418], ["without", 4426]]
chapter twelve macy 's parents ' ranch lay on the outskirts of town , nestled away from the rest of the world within a solid barrier of pine trees . she maneuvered the winding tree-lined driveway in her acadia with jason aldean serenading her from the stereo , shaking off the stresses of the workday . there had been many . ever since getting her business degree , she 'd managed her parents ' local outdoor-sports store while they mostly enjoyed retirement . it was a good gig ; she could n't complain . but there was a certain employee who was getting a lot of complaints lately , and she would n't abide that . it was n't her favorite thing to fire someone , but it looked like it was coming to that . she 'd need to talk to her dad about it . but this had always been her oasis , the place where she could leave everything behind . she looked forward to the days when she gave jared 's six-year-old daughters , ashley and mia , their riding lessons . they were eager students , which made them a pleasure to work with . the girls reminded her a lot of herself at a similar age , fascinated with the beautiful equine majesty , determined to harness all that power any way she could . that fascination had fueled her for years , and she wanted to pass on what was left of it to anyone willing to accept it . she turned a corner , and the unfamiliar sight of jared 's massive , gleaming red chevrolet dually pickup came into view , parked near the arena . usually his mother brought the girls for their lessons , which was fine with her . it dispensed with any awkwardness , and mrs. stanton would stay around and chat with macy 's mom until they were done . their frequent visits with each other had been how macy ended up roped into this deal in the first place , but she did n't mind that . what she did mind was unexpected encounters with her first lover , and memories of her most serious , longest-enduring relationship , when she had a date with seth tonight . `` great , '' she muttered , pulling around to the old-fashioned red barn and parking beside the truck . ashley and mia had taken up residence on a bench by the duck pond , their favorite spot aside from the arena . they had n't even noticed macy drive up . their dad stood with one boot hooked in the fence , talking on his cell phone . he turned and waved when he saw her . this so was n't what she needed . jared stanton was as single as they came now , and she remembered how he 'd told her he wanted to dance with her at the bar the other night . it did n't seem like a coincidence that he 'd shown up this evening . he 'd always been just the sort of man she could really see herself settling down with . stable , dependable , devoted to his kids . someone with all her interests ... heck , if she sat down and drafted a compatibility checklist , she could check off every box . on paper , he was perfection . and hot to boot . they 'd broken up not long after macy had her accident . he 'd wanted to be by her side but she 'd chased him away in her anger and bitterness . he embodied too many memories of a life she 'd turned away from . shortly afterward , he married another girl in a rush . macy had cried for days . when his twins were born only five months later , it all came a little clearer . he 'd been trying to do the right thing , but in the end it was a dismal failure . his divorce had only recently been finalized . `` hey , '' he said as she got out of her car , and quickly ended his call . thanks to the very erratic texas winter , it was considerably warmer today ; she barely needed her light jacket , and he was wearing a blue flannel shirt that brought out his incredible eyes . a maddening dimple dug into his cheek . no way she could n't return that grin . i am so not late . you , however , are half an hour early . '' `` miss macy ! '' their ponytails , one brown , one blonde , flew behind them as they scurried over from the pond . they crashed into her , knocking her back a few steps as they threw their arms around her waist . she laughed , hugging them back . `` glad to see someone appreciates me . '' she cast an exaggerated glare at jared over the tops of their heads . `` you 're appreciated , all right . macy let his flirting go right over her head . `` thought i 'd see how you 're doing , catch up ... take you out to dinner with us , if you 're interested . '' `` oh ... that 's really sweet of you , jared , but i have plans after we 're done here . '' the grin turned a little sad , but he comically slapped a hand across his chest and took a step back . `` still shooting me down after all these years . '' `` stop that , now .	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the front room photograph of my great-great-great-grandmother jane johnston simpson and her twelve children , including a young grandma rose simpson wyman , hung exactly where it had been on the wall in the photograph of the front room that had been professionally restored . they had been blurry , unknown people in that picture . now , they were crisp and clear , and thanks to my wonderful , funny , and sweetest-ever great-great-grandma rose , who had pointed out who was who , i knew exactly who every one of her siblings were and had added digital close-ups of their individual faces to each of their family tree profiles . one warp , i was my great-grandmother alice wyman mills . my husband henry and i were heading to the emporium in fremont to have a tintype made . i managed to convince henry to hitch up the larger horse and buggy rig so we could also take his father , stepmother , and their children with us , and had a tintype made of them . i was able to place that photograph in the secret closet and when i opened the door in 2012 , it was in pristine condition , and i now had a tintype of my great-great-grandfather francis mills and his second wife esther and their children . this was the most significant manipulation of events i was responsible for . francis mills had never been able to do more than scrape out a meager existence for his second family . he worked on the railroad and was a switchman in oskaloosa , which meant that he would be gone all week , coming home only on weekends . franz millar , his first wife greta and sons peter and henry had come from germany in 1850 , settling first in indiana before joining a wagon train and heading out for iowa in 1852 . although the first name and surname were altered and americanized , and children henry mills and his brother peter learned fluent english , francis mills never learned more than just enough to get by . he never had enough money to afford any luxuries , such as a photograph for posterity , in his later years . second wife esther and their children , four girls who were my great-grandaunts and half-sisters to great-grandpa henry , had been totally unknown to me . id had no photos and no information other than census documents . now i knew them all quite well and actually enjoyed getting to know them . i had always envisioned them as being like the evil sisters in cinderella . the family history stated that stepmother esther had no interest in franciss two sons from his first wife , my great-great-grandmother greta , who had died in indiana shortly after their arrival . francis had married esther shortly after gretas death and they had started a new family right away . i always assumed that esther and those girls would have been hideous , nasty creatures . but esther was just illiterate , and the girls , although very poor , managed to attend some school and made the most of their lot in lifeat least that was my experience with them . my great-grandfather henry truly did not like his stepmother esther , though . not in any of my time warps with him did he ever have a kind word for her . he did love his father very much . that was always obvious to me and he helped the family while his father was alive . after francis died in 1892 , esther and the girls ended up at the keokuk county poor farm until at least 1915 . the family did not lift a finger to assist them . i hadnt had any warps regarding that situation yet . i had no way of knowing if i ever would . the time warps didnt seem to have any rhyme or reason to them . i never got back to the exact same time or place . i never got back to continue any story line . i might be in 1872 one night and the next be in 1920 . i had one experience or warp per night though , never changing to different warps in the same night . sometimes they were long and elaborate , sometimes short and i would wake up earlier . those short warps were rare . most were long and lasted at least a full eight-plus hours . i was always a female when i warped , varying in age from small girls to very old women . i was often a relative of some sort to the mills or wyman familiesbut there were times when i was a completely unrelated woman with no seeming family tie . sometimes , i could determine what the common link was , usually a family member of an in-law or along those lines . my total knowledge of every single person buried in the cemetery helped me a lot ! i started using my time in the real world to research even deeper so that i could feel comfortable in nearly anyones skin . i spent quite a few days kicking around the keo-mah genealogical society with john and his wife margaret , who was treasurer as well as one of the editors of the newsletter , just hanging out and reading the fremont gazette on microfilm for hours . warping quickly became my obsession and a game in a way .	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she was quickly picking up on the fact that he became the most fierce when his equanimity was threatened . which meant , for better or worse , she got to him . `` you 're physically attracted to me , '' she said , daring him to deny it . he mimicked her pose , crossing his arms and displaying powerful biceps . `` i 'm flattered , but we 've got too much baggage-and a future with riley between us-to make casual sex work . '' why would anything casual delve into baggage ? she looked away , hiding the spark of hope she felt . jack knew damn well there was nothing casual about the sexual tension between them , and that scared him . of course , he would n't be the first drop-dead gorgeous guy to have commitment issues . in all the years she 'd known him , he had never once had a steady relationship . if an event required a date , he 'd bring one , but rachel never saw him with the same woman more than once . needing to think , she picked up the plate and moved back to the kitchen . she took a bite of the cake and contemplated her next move . this was her first-ever seduction ; she had no plan b to fall back on . jack 's voice was soft in the semi-darkness . she ate a little more . `` you got awfully quiet . '' he exhaled harshly , his head falling back until he was staring at the white-washed wooden beam ceiling . `` i 'm sure if you gave dating a shot , you 'd find someone you liked . '' she spoke around another bite . she had long admired his fierce loyalty , but over the last two years since steve passed on , she 'd come to know jack even better via his role as riley 's godfather . through the e-mails and phone calls he shared with her son , she discovered jack possessed a deep capacity to love and nurture , a marked patience while teaching , and the ability to be open-minded and nonjudgmental . and she damn well could n't discount how just the sound of his voice turned her on . `` but i have been dating . '' i want to make sure you and riley are all right . '' rachel met his gaze directly . `` i would never put riley in jeopardy over a guy . '' she eyed him surreptitiously , noting his edginess while she felt amazingly calm . he made her feel safe enough to be bold . he did n't yet know what that meant to her , but she intended to show him . jack moved toward the open sliding glass door . `` what you and steve had was special . '' `` once in a lifetime , '' she agreed . she 'd been the right girl to steve 's right guy at the right time . and she felt that way about jack . she was so sure they were what each other needed ; it did n't seem possible that she could be wrong . if he just gave her a shot , maybe he 'd see she was the missing ingredient in his life . and if she ended up being the one in their relationship who loved the other one more , that was okay with her . `` you just have to give it some more time . and be a little open-minded . '' `` are you giving me dating advice ? no offense , but what the hell do you know about having a serious relationship ? '' jack leaned his back into the doorjamb and shoved his hands in his pockets , giving her a breathtaking silhouette of long legs and firm pectorals . i just know steve is going to be a hard act to follow . you might have to make some compromises , but you can be happy again . you can find a good guy for you . '' `` you mean i might have to settle . '' she straightened and pushed the plate away , ignoring the urge to clean up after herself . damned if she 'd fall into mommy role right now . she was dressed to kill and primed . and she was playing to win , even if that meant playing a little dirty . `` i 've never settled on the wrong guy in my life , and i 'm not going to start now . '' `` going down in flames , apparently . '' she reached for both spaghetti straps of her dress . if he needed to believe she could handle a no-strings-attached one-night stand , she could give him that impression . then she 'd work her way into him from the outside . she just had to start somewhere , and standing on opposing sides of the room was n't cutting it . `` but hey , if that 's the way this is going to end , i might as well make sure i gave it my best shot . '' flicking the thin straps off her shoulders , rachel held her breath . her dress slithered down her body and puddled on the floor . four jack stared , stunned and aching , as rachel went from dressed to mouthwateringly nak*d in a split second . his knees weakened . he was grateful to be leaning against the house .	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`` you still keeping up your denial routine ? '' `` you all sound like a broken record . i 'm not the one who 's in denial ! '' my temper 's flaring again , and i want to wipe the stupid grin off emmett 's face , but when he glances at me again his look is full of compassion . `` it 'd be so much easier if it were just that , eh ? '' i agree , wholeheartedly . i wish my problem were something as easy as me running away from what happened , or how i feel about it . i could go see some therapist or other about that , and before long they 'd diagnose me all healed once i coughed up the details . `` what ya gon na do about it ? you know how the girls are , they always want to talk about shit . '' i pause for a moment and glance outside into the pouring rain . `` but what do i tell her when i 've said everything there is to say again and again ? ca n't really make something up just for the sake of saying something new , right ? '' em shrugs . `` you know her better than anyone else . just tell her what she wants to know , what she needs to hear . sometimes it 's as easy as telling her that you love her , and it 'll all be good . it 's not like you fked up for real again , right ? '' i do n't like the cautious note in his voice , as if he 's somehow afraid that it 's not a rhetorical question . i try to come up with a witty reply , but i 'm simply too exhausted to care . in the meanwhile he 's slowing down at the curb and puts the car into park in front of our house . before i can get my foot into my mouth again , em continues . `` i know you probably do n't think i know a thing about your problems , but i 've seen my share of shit go down around me in the last few years . just tell bella how you feel about things . and i do n't mean some flowery girl talk shit . the truth , plain and simple . do n't blame her , the jackass , or even yourself . i 'm sure she 's heard all about it already . she can make up her mind on her own when she has all the facts . but she ca n't really understand you if all she ever hears is how you want her to see things , no ? '' he 's right , and it 's embarrassing how true his words are . i mean what he 's telling me should be obvious , but the more i think of it , the more i see how bella 's reaction to what i 've said makes sense . now i 'm frustrated with myself , and i hide my face in my hands for a moment . `` i 'm just so freaking tired of everyone expecting me to fk up . '' em 's laughter rings loud inside the car , and he 's reaching for another cancer stick . `` tell her that , too . you know that bella 's the only one that counts , so why care about anyone else 's expectations ? '' i nod , and with a heavy sigh reach for the door handle . and not just for the ride . '' just do n't f**k up again , eh ? '' chuckling under my breath i get out , and em swerves right back into traffic . i stare up at the house for a moment , trying to decide what to do now , but really , there 's just one option . i can only hope that whatever went down after i took off has n't riled her up even more . resigning myself to my fate , i walk inside , and hopefully not into war . chapter 10 the condo is dark and empty when i tiptoe upstairs , but the distinct shape of bella under the covers makes me let out a breath i had n't realized i 've been holding . not that i 've believed her hilarious threat about a threesome with alice and jazz for a moment , but just seeing her back in our bed is a relief . i see her stiffen as i enter the bedroom but her eyes are tightly shut , and i can read the signs alright . she 's avoiding me , pretending to be asleep , and the way she subtly shifts until her back is turned to me is rather telling . i sigh and pad on into the bathroom to dump my wet clothes in the washer and take a quick , hot shower to stop myself from shivering . while the hot spray is beating down onto my shoulders i let my head sink down until my forehead is pressed against the tiles . once i 'm moderately warmed up i step out of the shower and towel myself dry a little too roughly . i know i 'll be sore tomorrow all over if i do n't stretch now , but i do n't think bella will appreciate it if i need another twenty minutes here .	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he did n't know there were any left in the world and damned if he had n't stumbled onto the last living one . `` you look as if you just swallowed a basketball whole . '' `` i feel that way . '' he stood so abruptly that the chair shot two feet away from the table . slapping a fistful of change on the table he reached for her arm , practically lifting her out of the chair . `` come on , we 're out of here . '' his grip was so tight , monica 's toes barely touched the ground . `` chet , '' she cried , `` what are you doing ? '' the way her voice struggled to stay even revealed the extent of her surprise . `` i 'm taking you back to the bus stop . '' she shook herself free of his hold and whirled around to face him . `` because , sweetheart , i just realized something . you 're a virgin and i 'm the last person you should be around . '' apparently she still had n't caught on . `` because , '' he said , having trouble keeping the anger out of his voice , although it was directed at himself , and not her . he was a bigger fool than he 'd realized . `` because does n't tell me anything . '' she was having trouble keeping pace with him , but chet did n't care . the sooner he was rid of her the better . `` tell me what 's so terrible about being a virgin . good grief , you make it sound like i 've got a communicable disease or something . '' `` all right , since you want to know i 'll tell you , but you are n't going to like it . '' chet stopped in the middle of the sidewalk . although it was well past seven the streets were busy . several people were forced to walk around them . `` i wanted you to go to my apartment tonight for one reason and one reason only . i planned to seduce you . '' monica went pale . `` apparently you do n't . good-bye , monica . '' having said that he turned and walked away , leaving her standing alone in the middle of the sidewalk . chapter 10 `` mom , i need another dollar . '' timmy raced up to the table at the pizza parlor , his face bright and his eyes sparkling with excitement . `` i 'm blowing the brains out of the laser man . '' `` i do n't think this is the kind of video game i want you playing . '' `` mom , '' he protested , `` i was just kidding . i 'm winning , or i was until just now , but i need another dollar . hurry , i got ta get back before someone else gets the machine . '' luckily the pizza parlor was n't overly crowded , although a handful of kids had gathered around a row of video games against the back wall . jody did n't know how they could play at all with the lights so dim . `` just a little while longer , '' jody said , rummaging through her purse for yet another dollar . timmy 's easy acceptance of this outing with glen had come as a welcome relief . glen held out a fistful of change to her son . coins spilled over timmy 's small hands . his eyes were round with disbelief as he hurriedly pocketed the change . `` i want you to enjoy yourself . '' thanks , glen , '' he said , walking backward . he turned abruptly , eager to get back to his prize machine . `` i do n't know if that 's such a good idea , '' jody felt obliged to say . she did n't want glen to spoil timmy , especially if they were to continue seeing each other . her son might come to look upon glen as his own personal santa claus . `` i have an ulterior motive , '' glen told her , his eyes brimming with a smile . `` if timmy 's busy with the video machines , we 'll have a chance to talk . '' jody already guessed as much , but was uncomfortable having him say it out loud . agreeing to this outing had been an enormous decision for her . she 'd been afraid to accept , but more afraid not to . afraid of what she was becoming , afraid of what she already was . she 'd stood in one place for so long she feared she 'd rooted there like the flower garden she so carefully tended . bit by bit , glen was urging her forward . each step momentous . `` it has n't been so bad , now , has it ? '' glen asked , coaxing her into admitting the truth . even that did n't come easy . `` it has been fun , '' she agreed . timmy had certainly enjoyed himself , downing an amazing five pieces of sausage and pepperoni pizza and a huge cola . jody did n't know where he managed to put it all . generally when they ordered a medium-size pizza it was enough for two meals . `` would you feel comfortable enough to go out with me again ? 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`` now , dex , '' gavin said in that smooth-as-silk voice of his , `` i do n't think we need to spend the money on a pine box . we 'll just toss his carcass off the mountain or let the bears take care of it . '' hannah slid off her barstool and faced them . it was time to start putting her dainty foot down . `` you have no right to talk to them that way . you do n't own me , gavin james . '' slade stepped forward and grabbed her arm . his grasp was gentle but unmistakably firm . `` he might not own you . but we damn sure do . '' dex crossed his arms over his massive chest and pinned her with a dark stare . `` do you have any idea how arrogant the two of you sound ? i 'm not a piece of property . no one owns me . let 's get that straight right now . '' `` you became ours when you gave yourself to us , darlin ' . `` and you 've earned some swats from all of us for leaving without explanation , except that little note on your computer , '' slade said , his voice taking on that dark , deep tone that let her know she was in trouble . hannah turned to see if any of her admirers planned to back her up . only marnie stood behind her . `` they left the minute the james gang walked in the door , '' marnie murmured . `` they ran out the back . '' `` good to know they have survival instincts . '' `` get ready to feel my hand on your ass , sweetheart . '' he stood in between his brothers , as though he had some sort of right to be there . `` i might be willing to hear this from slade and dex . but why are you here , gavin ? you 're no longer my boss . i quit , remember ? you denied being my lover or having any feelings for me , so what i do is none of your business . you certainly ca n't threaten to spank me . '' `` oh , i 'll do more than threaten once we get all this settled . '' gavin raised a brow , then his expression gentled . `` hannah , i did n't mean a word of anything i said this afternoon . i 'm willing to do whatever it takes to prove that . '' his words made her pulse jump , but hannah hesitated . she had to be careful that she did n't misunderstand him . `` if you 're just trying to hire me back , the answer is no . '' gavin smiled , looking supremely amused . `` i loved having you as my assistant , and i 'd hire you again in a heartbeat . but baby , my interest in you right now is n't at all professional . i 'll be happy to prove it , starting with that spanking . '' she managed to hold in a gasp-barely . `` you do n't touch me . `` now you think you 're reading my mind ? '' hannah thrust her hands on her hips , her expression all but daring him to claim he was psychic . `` no , your nples are telling me everything i need to know . '' sure enough , the little traitors were standing straight up , poking out from behind her shirt . hastily , she crossed her arms . `` it 's an involuntary reaction . it does n't mean i want you . '' you said that you care about me . i admit , i care about you . '' `` now tell me , do you want me ? '' his voice had become a deep , male caress . hannah actually felt more blood rushing to her nples ... and down between her legs , making it hard to think . why was gavin pushing this ? had he truly had a change of heart or was this some new game ? a huge lie . but darn it all , she was n't ready to confess everything in her heart again only to have it thrown in her face . `` boys , do you think she wants me ? '' gavin slanted gazes to dex and slade , who flanked her in an instant . dex grabbed her free arm and reached for the hem of her skirt . she screeched as he lifted her skirt to her thighs . `` this is a public place ! '' `` everyone 's gone , including marnie . she just slipped out the back . '' of course the woman would choose her `` boys '' over someone she met less than an hour ago , but still , with marnie went her last hope for an ally . a second later , it did n't matter because slade had popped the buttons of her blouse open , exposing her hard nples , and dex 's fingers skimmed the embarrassingly wet folds of her psy . she caught her breath then moaned when he grazed her clit . flashing her a wicked smile , dex withdrew his fingers and held them up for gavin . all pretty and very , very wet . `` i think i 've made my point , '' gavin drawled .	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trying not to think about the shower-and the hot water-she had at home , she washed quickly , scrubbing the sweat and sand from her skin . after she dried off , she redressed in her dusty , dirty acus . `` cold was n't exactly what i had in mind , '' tami said , smiling tiredly . they walked out of the shower trailer and headed back to d-pod . jamie and smitty were waiting for them , sitting on a pair of overturned crates outside the door of their trailer , which was across from tami and jolene 's . beside smitty was a small blue and white cooler full of pops . jolene could see how hard he was trying to smile . he might be a great gunner and a courageous soldier , but he was still just a twenty-year-old kid , and tonight had shaken him . he probably would n't sleep well ; none of them would . tami and jolene sat down beside them-tami on the steps in front of the door , jolene on the crate beside smitty . behind them , the metal still radiated some of the day 's heat , even though it was cold out here now . on either side of the door , sandbags were piled high-rows and rows of them provided some protection from the near-constant mortar fire . across from her , not more than eight feet away , was the door to their trailer . `` bill diehler was on knife oh-four , '' tami said solemnly . jolene pictured bill : a big florid-faced `` old school '' guard pilot out of fort worth . just last week he 'd shown her a picture of the daughter who was waiting for him to walk her down the aisle . she closed her eyes and immediately wished she had n't ; she saw the last few seconds again-the roof sniper , the shooting . she 'd banked left , turned sharply away from knife 04 . `` wally toddan was the crew chief , '' jamie said . `` his wife just found out she 's pregnant . yesterday , he went to the haji mart and bought the kid a football . he has n't even mailed it yet . '' jolene did n't want to think about that , a child who would never know his father . `` they were heroes , '' jamie said solemnly . `` heroes , '' jolene said , thinking about the word and all that it meant . they clanked their pop cans together in a silent tribute to their fallen friends . finally , tami stood up . 0430 is going to come mighty fast . jolene turned to smitty and jamie . `` right as rain , chief . i 'll keep the kid out of trouble . '' smitty grinned at that . `` he 's too old for trouble any way . '' jolene and tami got up together , crossed the small walkway , and went into their dark , smelly trailer . once there , tami flicked the light on and then looked at jolene . `` you did everything you could have , you know . nothing tonight was your fault . '' jolene had never loved her friend more . afraid her voice would shake if she tried to speak , she nodded . `` i 'm worried about you , '' tami said , sitting down on her bed , looking up . `` hell , i 'm worried about both of us . i want to make it home . '' jolene sat down on her own bed . she saw the fear in tami 's dark eyes , and it did something to her , uncoiled something that had been tied down . `` me , too , '' she said quietly . `` if we do n't ... '' until tonight , jolene would have stopped tami right then , but now she remained silent , waiting . `` if i do n't make it , '' tami said softly , `` i am counting on you with seth . you make sure he knows who i was . '' jolene nodded solemnly . `` and my girls will need you . '' `` but we 'll make it back , '' jolene said . jolene did n't know how she looked , but she saw the fear in tami 's eyes . neither one of them was as certain of that as they 'd been before . august how do i write about a colleague 's death ? how do i use words to expel the fear and confusion that 's uncoiling slowly inside of me ? i do n't want to write about it . i do n't want to remember the smell of smoke or the terrible sound of ripping metal or the rattle of gunfire . i do n't want to think about wally toddan and his young widow or the baby who will never know his daddy 's smile . or the bride who will walk down a church aisle without her father . rip knife 04 , that 's what i can say . you were heroes and you will be missed .	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he may not like ash being with this woman , but the sight of his friend sucking bethany 's nples was erotic as hell . it was a rush that never got old , watching another man pleasure the woman jace was fking . `` do you like what he 's doing , bethany ? '' jace asked , his tone husky and gruff with desire . no , he did n't want ash here , but for the moment he could lose himself in the sheer eroticism of watching her react to having two men make love to her . `` do our mouths feel good on you , baby ? '' `` y-yes , '' she hissed out . `` it feels so good , jace . nothing has ever felt better . '' satisfaction gripped him . she may have had threesomes-kinky sex-whatever the hell she 'd been into before , but those men had never given her the kind of pleasure he would . he rubbed his thumb over her clt and then placed an openmouthed kiss to her entrance , shoving his tongue roughly inside , giving her a little more edge . he wanted her senseless before they took her at the same time . hurting her was not on the agenda . he liked pain . ash liked pain . liked inflicting pain . not that bethany was n't that woman . there was a whole lot jace ached to do with her and to her . tonight was all about simple pleasure . not the kind that accompanied the sharp , heady pain when inflicted in just the right manner . there 'd be plenty of time for that later . and there was definitely going to be a later . this was n't a one-night thing for him . he 'd have bethany back in his bed . tomorrow night , in fact . but it would be with him and him alone . no ash . just him and bethany , exploring the many , many ways he wanted to fk her . he sucked one last time at her clt and then rose up on his knees , his hands holding her knees to steady her shaking . `` here 's how we 're going to do this , baby . ash is going to play with your ass a little while . ease you into this . you 're going to use your mouth on me while he plays . he 'll get inside you , make sure you can take him that way . once we 're certain you 're with us , then you 'll get on top of me and i 'll get inside your p*sy . then ash will get inside your ass . you still up for this ? '' ash drew away so jace could see her face . her eyes were glazed with passion . hazy , a little drugged , but burning with need . she licked her lips and then nodded . `` the words , baby . i want the words . i have to be sure you 're with me on this . '' `` ca n't wait to get inside that sweet ass . i 'll be gentle , bethany . you 're going to enjoy it this time . '' her mouth wobbled into a crooked , drunk grin . `` i already know i will . '' jace crawled up the bed and then helped bethany to her knees . `` get between my legs , baby . ass in the air for ash . '' she positioned herself between his legs , and he stared down at her dark head so close to his dick . he was about to come all over her face and she had n't even wrapped her luscious mouth around him yet . it was going to take every ounce of his control to make this last until he got inside her . ash went into the bathroom and returned with lubricant before crawling up behind her ass . jace 's gaze met ash 's over bethany 's body and he sent his friend a silent warning . ash rolled his eyes and heaved a sigh before he began squeezing out the gel onto his fingers . the moment ash 's fingers touched bethany , she went still . her head lifted so she was looking at jace and he could see the fire burning in her eyes . her fingers curled around his dick and it immediately jumped , growing even harder at her touch . `` suck it , '' he murmured . `` slow and deep . '' the moment her mouth closed around the head , her tongue sliding like rough velvet over the sensitive underside , he closed his eyes and reached down to thrust his hands in her hair . then she went still again , her mouth tightening briefly around him . he glanced up to see ash positioning himself , guiding his cck between her ass cheeks . `` is it too much , baby ? if you need him to stop , tell me . '' she shook her head , her tongue licking over his dick . she closed her eyes and took him deeper , lavishing sweet affection all the way to his balls . fuck , but she had a wickedly talented mouth . her head came up in alarm , her eyes flashing wide . a look at ash told him that he was inside her .	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i 'll suffer the consequences and like it , as long as it 's for her . '' his brother digested that in silence for a while , staring straight ahead at the road . brian watched him , thinking of a thousand things he wished he 'd never done , never said . `` does it freak you out being a dad ? '' `` you 're all over the map today , boy . '' `` it makes me feel about a million different things . mostly insanely happy , but freaked out is definitely in there somewhere ... shit , brian . tell me candace is n't pregnant . '' `` do you love this girl ? '' it was n't a gentle question . it held all the promise that if brian gave the wrong answer , evan was going to pull over and throw him out of the truck . `` i 'm f**king crazy about her . '' `` fucking crazy i 've gathered . but i asked if you love her . i asked if you 'll say the words . i 'm talking true , enduring , unconditional , hold-her-hair-while-she's-puking-from-morning-sickness love . '' `` hell , yes , i 'll say the words ! i 'll hold any frigging thing she wants me to . '' `` well , you damn sure did n't talk to her like you loved her earlier . i thought about emasculating you right there in front of everyone . '' `` you did n't hang around long enough to see me grovel . and i appreciate your restraint . i feel emasculated enough as it is . '' he reached up and rubbed his face hard . `` but i do love her . '' do n't screw up anymore , brian . and do n't get her pregnant , please ? for god 's sake ? you are not ready for that level of commitment and respons- '' `` do n't give me your shit , man , it 's not as if i 'm trying to . you were n't either , if i recall . '' `` kelsey says we 're so in love we ca n't help but bond even at the molecular level . '' `` you 're not going to be one of those couples who has nineteen kids , are you ? '' we definitely want at least one more , maybe two , but not right away . alex is a handful . '' `` you know , as i was sitting in the police department earlier , i had a thought . '' `` at this point , if it were n't for candace , i would have no problem moving away with you and kelsey . starting over somewhere else ... yeah , it sounds pretty awesome right about now . but now she 's in the picture , and ... '' he trailed off , frustrated at his own inability to express in words what he was feeling : that no matter what she said to him , or what she did , he was n't going anywhere . he could keep his word on that , at least . `` you 'll get things up and going again , do n't worry . shut down for a couple of weeks or so , get everything functional and you 'll be fine . while you were in giving your statement , i called to have your front windows replaced . they 're going to get to it as fast as they can , so at least everything will be protected from the elements . '' and i 'm sorry about all- shit . evan glanced at him , then clapped him on the shoulder . brian drew a deep breath , trying to clear out all the gnawing emotion . `` yeah , i called him too . he 'll help out any way he can . `` you guys have given me too much already . i 'm starting all over again . '' `` now you 're just being dramatic . your insurance should cover criminal mischief . '' `` that 's great and all , but i still feel like i 'm rebuilding the place practically from the ground up , and i want that piece of crap to pay for it , because he can . this was personal , and i want it taken out of his ass . '' `` regardless , we ca n't sit around and wait for that to happen . i know you 're pissed , but keep your head on straight . '' when brian did n't reply , evan went on . `` everyone is really proud of you , whether you see it or not . and we 're all outraged about this . the damage is definitely in the felony range . if jameson andrews did this , they wo n't let me work the case but i 'll have a damn good time watching his ass get nailed for every penny . '' they turned onto dermamania 's street , and brian 's stomach pitched in sick dismay as the eyesore it now was swung into view . dramatic , my ass , he thought . somehow , after being away for a few hours , it looked even worse than before .	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god , she hated cats . of course , like dante , she was a big fat liar . this feline had worked its way under her skin . a cheap thrill skated through her that the stray would n't let anyone touch him except for her . in a wacky way , she felt as if they belonged to each other . two stray , bad-ass loners who did n't know how to handle people . michael loved her . ever since his shattering admission and her shattering confession , they 'd silently agreed not to discuss the topic further . maggie wanted to believe him , craved the ability to say the words back , but something held her prisoner . the sunlight struck the two-carat diamond on her ring finger and shimmered in mockery . she needed to make a decision soon . she agreed to stay a few days longer while they made sure mama conte was okay , and they could get venezia 's wedding plans solidified . she had never told anyone except her mother about the rape . her mother 's betrayal killed a trust deep inside of her , and michael brought it back to life . goose bumps lifted her arms at the memory of his hands and mouth and tongue on every part of her body without the ability to do anything but surrender . damn , now she knew why that bondage stuff was so widely read . dante leered as if he knew her thoughts , kicked her hand away , and stretched into a different position . `` yeah , i bet you 're a male stud , knocking up all the helpless females around town , '' she pointed out to him . `` take some responsibility for your actions , buddy . i think i need to take you to the vet and get you fixed . '' `` are you talking to the cat ? '' maggie turned her head and fought a blush . carina stood with her arms crossed , laughing at her . `` of course not , '' she denied hotly . `` you 're hearing things . '' hi , dante . '' she took a few steps closer , her hand held out , a low , soothing tone wrapping around the cat . he watched her slow approach and maggie and carina held their breath . with a disgusted hiss , he jumped up , swished his tail , and disappeared into the bushes . carina 's mouth dropped open . maggie hid her satisfied expression and sipped her wine . i feed him . you insult him and he adores you . '' `` men are fickle . `` we 're going into town to look at flowers . `` i know , i 'm not a flower kind of girl myself , but since you 're still new to the family , you can get out of these things . '' `` fine , be a brat . i 'll see you a bit later . mama 's resting but doing fine . '' a confused expression flitted over her face . `` it 's really weird , too . as soon as you guys left , she had all this energy , was back to her old self , and seemed fine . the doctor came again and said the whole thing must have been a false alarm . '' weird , but at least she 's better . '' carina left and maggie sat for a while longer , basking in the heat and the silence . she needed to find michael . with the house empty , it was time they talked . she drained the last of her wine for liquid courage and went inside the house . she peeked through some of the rooms , then caught his deep voice from the study . she stopped outside the door and paused before knocking . maybe she 'd wait outside until- `` no , max , she did n't marry me for my money . she makes enough on her own . you are like an overprotective mama , mia amico . '' he paused , then spoke with a coldness that gave her a chill . hiring a private detective to check on her background is unacceptable . yes , i know about her past . she is unlike her parents . merda , do not challenge me on this ; she is my wife now . '' `` no , i do n't think children will happen for a while-she needs some time . she is not the typical woman i wanted to marry but things change . maggie heard his footsteps back and forth . `` this is my decision and i no longer want to discuss it . the conversation went on a bit longer while she hid in the corridor . humiliation burned until her skin actually prickled . max did n't believe she was good enough for his best friend . what had the detective told him ? that her parents were a joke and she had no experience with a healthy relationship ? within minutes of meeting her , max realized the truth she 'd been desperately trying to hide . she was only a shell of a woman . michael deserved more . he needed someone with an open heart and no complications . a woman his family did n't have to train ; one who loved cats and children and cooking .	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`` north , '' simon muttered . `` may i ride in your carriage , my lord ? '' still finding it difficult to believe , maria glanced over her shoulder at ware . `` this is a happy occasion , mrs. st. john , '' he drawled , following directly behind them . `` you should be smiling as i am . '' she looked at christopher , who nodded . with that , she shrugged and laughed aloud . then she lifted her skirts and raced her husband up the stairs . epilogue `` we set sail in a few hours , '' quinn said , fingering a coined tassel on a multicolored pillow . `` my trunks and valet are aboard , and lysette is safely restrained in my cabin . '' they sat in the family parlor of colin 's new town house in london . it was a large room , beautifully decorated in shades of soft blue and gold . around the room , amelia had added colorful touches of his heritage-pillows encased in glorious scarves , small carved figurines , and bowls of romany trinkets given to them by pietro as wedding gifts . the style was unfashionable and would be considered horrifyingly gauche by many , but they both loved the space and spent a great deal of time curled up together there . embrace who you are , she had said , with a new confidence that aroused him unbearably . she , too , was embracing the reckless side of herself that she had fought to contain for so long . fears of becoming too much like her father were banished , just as colin 's fear of being unworthy of her no longer had power to dictate his actions . colin leaned back in his chair and asked quinn , `` did the french agree to release your men in a trade for the return of mademoiselle rousseau and cartland ? '' `` and jacques . they want him , too . but i am only taking lysette with me for now . they can have the other two back after i am certain they will honor their end of the agreement . '' `` i do not envy you that trip , '' colin said , wincing . `` i can not imagine mademoiselle rousseau makes a very good prisoner . '' `` she is miserable , but i am enjoying the whole thing immensely . '' `` because you 're a cad . when will you return ? '' shrugging , quinn said , `` perhaps after i ensure that the others are released . or perhaps not even then . maybe i will travel some . '' `` you are good to your men , quinn . it is a trait i have always admired in you . '' `` they are not my men any longer . i have resigned . '' he nodded at colin 's raised brows . my work for eddington was diverting for a time , but now i must find new ways to amuse myself . '' `` some sort of trouble will come up . '' `` seeing you in your evening finery reminds me that a life of social indulgence is not for me . it would bore me to tears . '' `` not with the right woman . '' quinn threw his dark head back and laughed , a rich , full sound that brought a smile to colin 's lips . `` even when i was maudlin with love for maria , '' quinn said , pushing to his feet , `` i thankfully never spouted such nonsense . '' colin rose with him , flushing sheepishly . `` one day , i hope to remind you of your protestations and watch you eat your words . '' that day will be a long time coming , my friend . likely , neither of us will live long enough to see it . '' as quinn turned to leave the room , colin felt more than a small measure of sadness at their parting . quinn was a wanderer by nature ; therefore , they would see each other far less often . after all they had endured and experienced together , he thought of quinn as a brother and would miss him accordingly . `` farewell , my friend . '' quinn clapped him on the back when they reached the foyer . `` i wish you much joy and many children in your marriage . '' `` i wish you happy , as well . '' quinn touched his brow in a smart salute , and then he was gone . off to find his next adventure . colin stared at the closed front door for a long moment . `` darling. `` amelia 's throaty purr sent a wave of heat across his skin . he turned to face her with a smile and found her paused at the top of the stairs , dressed in only her robe . her hair was beautifully , intricately arranged with twinkling diamonds weaved among the powdered strands . `` you have yet to dress ? '' `` i was nearly finished . '' `` it does not appear that way to me . 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what troubles you , dani ? i couldnt very well tell him that my heart was soaring because he was touching me , looking at me , standing so close i could feel the chemistry , the electricity as it flowed between us . that i wondered what kind of person it made me to feel that way when 24 hours ago id been staring into liams eyes , hoping he would cover my mouth with his . that my father and liam and countless others could be injured or worse , and here i stood like a giddy little school girl . so , i settled for a half-truth . i just feel so many things now , im not sure how to process it all . he stared at me a moment , waiting for me to continue . when i didnt , his eyes shifted to follow a few strands of hair that were blowing lightly with the wind . he caught the loose strands of hair and tucked them behind my ear . slowly , his eyes trailed back to mine . we do not have to go . we can wait , i will wait with youas long as you need . i half smiled , heart beating faster in response to his touch . no , they need to know we are alright , im sure theyre worried . he lifted our joined hands , brushing the middle finger of his free hand over my knuckles and i got lost in his eyes again . i am more concerned with what you need . i looked to the ground as i spoke again . i need to know too , so do you . i felt uncomfortable in my own skin . i turned to make my way back to drift , taking my hand with me as i went . head swimming in emotions , i grabbed onto the saddle and planted my foot in the stirrup . this time , i managed to put myself in the saddle alone , though i wouldnt call the action graceful . nikolas was right behind me , not interfering , only watching as i conquered the task . he smiled up at me with satisfaction in his eyes from the ground , then he climbed into the saddle as well . his arms hung loosely at my sides , lingering far enough away as to avoid contact and the bricks inside my stomach churned . without a word , nikolas turned us toward the valley and we began our decent toward the castle . chapter 15 my heart sat in my throat as we approached the first red drawbridge that spanned the water between the mainland and the first tiny island . happy shouts rang out as we came into sight of the guards that manned the entry to the bridge . sir nikolas ! he has returned with the princess ! the shout repeated as a burly man ran forward , his stick straight golden hair swinging around his shoulders as he loped toward us . his cream cloak flowed behind him and his matching tunic was stitched with a golden sun . i did not recall his face , but that wasnt saying much . there had to be a large number of knights i had yet to see . nikolas called for the horse to stop and jumped from the saddle , casting a quick grin over his shoulder for me as he trotted out to meet the man who was so happy to see us . they clasped hands when they met and pulled each other in for one of those strange man hugs . the burly mans booming laugh echoed off the water and stone . he was a beast of a man , standing even taller than nikolas , who had a good foot on me . its so good to see you well , nik . he said , slapping nikolas across the back . the embrace broke and nikolas looked up to the man , his tone severe and low , though i was close enough to hear . the king , is he safe ? a toothy grin broke across the knights face . all that fightin and he has but a scratch on the arm to show for it ! at least that is what the rumor is , i was on a ride when they returned . he is indeed well , nik . they returned this morning , just before noon . i released the breath , welcoming the relief that coursed through me . i could see nikolas relax by a fraction before he continued . the rest of the guard ? the burly mans face fell , as did my heart . two of the scouts , sir , and two more of the guard . ambly and reece , kurtsworth and shelling . he patted nikolas gently on the back this time . nikolas nodded solemnly and hung his head as he ran a hand through his hair . my heart went out to him as i felt his sadness permeate the air around me . after a few heartbeats , he raised his head and stared out over the water silently . good men all . he paused and his eyes found mine . forgive me , i have not introduced you to the princess of avenlore . the burly man dropped to one knee where he stood . he said with his head bowed . walking back to his horse , nikolas reached up to help me down and i held his gaze , trying to offer some sort of silent comfort .	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i shook my head at my own slowness . they were shooting a costume drama of some sort , that was all . one of those bonnie-prince-in-the-heather sorts of things , no doubt . regardless of artistic merit , the film crew would n't thank me for introducing a note of historic inauthenticity into their shots . i doubled back into the wood , meaning to make a wide circle around the clearing and come out on the road where i had left the car . the going was more difficult than i had expected , though . the wood was a young one , and dense with underbrush that snagged my clothes . i had to go carefully through the spindly saplings , disentangling my skirts from the brambles as i went . had he been a snake , i would have stepped on him . he stood so quietly among the saplings as almost to have been one of them , and i did not see him until a hand shot out and gripped me by the arm . its companion clapped over my mouth as i was dragged backward into the oak grove , thrashing wildly in panic . my captor , whoever he was , seemed not much taller than i , but rather noticeably strong in the forearms . i smelled a faint flowery scent , as of lavender water , and something more spicy , mingled with the sharper reek of male perspiration . as the leaves whipped back into place in the path of our passage , though , i noticed something familiar about the hand and forearm clasped about my waist . i shook my head free of the restraint over my mouth . `` what in heaven 's name are you playing at ? '' i was torn between relief at finding him here and irritation at the horseplay . unsettled as i was by my experience among the stones , i was in no mood for rough games . the hands released me , but even as i turned to him , i sensed something wrong . it was not only the unfamiliar cologne , but something more subtle . i stood stock-still , feeling the hair prickle on my neck . `` you are n't frank , '' i whispered . `` i am not , '' he agreed , surveying me with considerable interest . `` though i 've a cousin of that name . i doubt , though , that it 's he you have confused me with , madam . we do not resemble one another greatly . '' whatever this man 's cousin looked like , the man himself might have been frank 's brother . there was the same lithe , spare build and fine-drawn bones ; the same chiseled lines of the face ; the level brows and wide hazel eyes ; and the same dark hair , curved smooth across the brow . but this man 's hair was long , tied back from his face with a leather thong . and the gypsy skin showed the deep-baked tan of months , no , years , of exposure to the weather , not the light golden color frank 's had attained during our scottish holiday . i demanded , feeling most uneasy . while frank had numerous relatives and connections , i thought i knew all the british branch of the family . certainly , there was no one who looked like this man among them . and surely frank would have mentioned any near relative living in the highlands ? not only mentioned him but insisted upon visiting him as well , armed with the usual collection of genealogical charts and notebooks , eager for any tidbits of family history about the famous black jack randall . the stranger raised his brows at my question . i might ask the same question , madam , and with considerably more justification . '' his eyes raked me slowly from head to toe , traveling with a sort of insolent appreciation over the thin peony-sprigged cotton dress i wore , and lingering with an odd look of amusement on my legs . i did not at all understand the look , but it made me extremely nervous , and i backed up a step or two , until i was brought up sharp by bumping into a tree . the man finally removed his gaze and turned aside . it was as though he had taken a constraining hand off me , and i let out my breath in relief , not realizing until then that i had been holding it . he had turned to pick up his coat , thrown across the lowest branch of an oak sapling . he brushed some scattered leaves from it and began to put it on . i must have gasped , because he looked up again . the coat was a deep scarlet , long-tailed and without lapels , frogged down the front . the buff linings of the turned-back cuffs extended a good six inches up the sleeve , and a small coil of gold braid gleamed from one epaulet . it was a dragoon 's coat , an officer 's coat . then it occurred to me-of course , he was an actor , from the company i had seen on the other side of the wood .	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i moaned as the simple , chaste kiss sent a surge of need throughout my body and i felt myself harden , cursing the fact that my car did n't have a back seat . pulling away , i pressed my forehead against hers , the feel of her rapid pulse racing beneath my thumb . `` as much as i 'd like to sit here and kiss you all day , if we want to eat before my next meeting we need to get out of this car , '' i murmured . she laughed and i kissed her hair , smiling at the familiar scent of oranges . `` stay there , '' i instructed , sliding out of my seat and walking around to open her door . i helped her out , once again admiring the way that shit dress hugged her body , and placed a possessive hand on her lower back as we continued into the restaurant . i requested a small , semi-secluded table near the back of the dining room and pulled out her chair as she sat . `` i 've never been here , '' she mused as she read the menu . i come here when i need to get away from the people in the city , '' i added , not even needing to look at my own menu . `` they have the best ossobuco i 've had outside of italy . '' `` i 've never had that . '' `` good , then you can try mine . '' i helped her decide what to order and we continued our conversation from the drive over . `` okay , '' she began , eyeing me appreciatively as i took off my suit jacket and hung it on the back of my chair . `` favorite family vacation ? '' i reached across the table and laced our fingers . `` hmm ... that 's a tough one . we got the chance to travel a lot growing up , but i think my favorite memories are of the time we spent at our summer house on the coast . playing in the sand , learning to swim in the ocean , just being a kid . `` i have n't been to the ocean in so long , i bet you were adorable . '' `` well , you 'd have to ask my mother , '' i laughed , rolling my eyes . `` and i 'm sure she 'd love to talk about it . `` i used to go to chicago every summer to stay with my mom . i suppose that 's why i stayed after she died , to feel like i was still close to her . '' `` you have no idea how thankful i am that you did , '' i replied softly . our food arrived and i continued on with the questions as we ate . i was greeted with raised eyebrows from across the table . `` first time what ? '' she asked her eyes narrowing . i leaned forward with my elbows on the table , dying of curiosity. `` first , first time , '' i stated , emphasizing each word . she cleared her throat and took a long drink of her water . `` i was seventeen and he was eighteen , we dated throughout most of my senior year . '' i was already feeling my blood pressure increase imagining some sleazy teenage boy touching the beautiful young girl i had seen in the photographs at her house . `` actually you 've met him , '' she mentioned with a casual wave of her hand . i asked , staring at her dumbfounded . `` yeah , '' she nodded , twirling her pasta around her fork . `` david , the guy we ran into before seattle . '' my hand went automatically to the bridge of my nose as i remembered the day we ran into her ex-boyfriend . the same david who put his arms around her and made her laugh . the same david she was thrilled to see , who was obviously still in love with her and who now lived in chicago . that david . `` so david was your first . '' my voice was flat , and somehow it did n't quite come out as the question i 'd intended . i had genuinely wanted to know about her first time but i simply did n't realize it would be so ... real . `` tell me , '' i said , trying to mask the hard jealousy raging through me . `` well , it was in a corn field . i still remember the sound of the corn blowing in the wind . '' `` a corn field ? that sounds like the beginning of a horror movie , '' i mumbled . what kind of douche takes a girl to a corn field to have sex for the first time ? `` true , it does sound odd to hear it now , '' she replied laughing . `` but it was sweet , and he was gentle . all in all , not a bad way to lose one 's virginity . '' i paused as i considered my next question . i lifted my eyes to hers , terrified of what i would find there . terrified that this all consuming love i felt for her and only her , she had shared with someone else . `` i thought i did ... but those feelings all feel very young and naive in hindsight . i do n't think i truly understood what that word meant until i met you . '' she tightened her grasp on my hand as she spoke , attempting to soothe me .	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he brushed the wet hair off my cheek . `` i want pictures of us in the newspapers , magazines ... everywhere . but that will take months . we do n't have to tell anyone , if you do n't want . we can call it an engagement . it can be our secret . '' i stared at him , not knowing what to say . his urgency was both romantic and terrifying . `` i asked your dad , '' he went on , shocking me all over again . `` he did n't have any- '' `` what ? `` when he was in town . i had an opportunity and i took it . '' told him it was n't going to happen right away . that i was still working on getting you back . i recorded it , so you can listen to the conversation if you do n't believe me . '' `` you recorded it ? '' `` i was n't leaving anything to chance , '' he said unapologetically . `` you told him it would n't be right away . you lied to him . '' it 's been a few days . '' if so , you 've made me this way . '' he pressed a hard kiss to my cheek . `` i ca n't live without you , eva . i ca n't even imagine trying . just the thought makes me insane . '' `` you know there 's no one else for either of us . arguments rushed through my mind . every reason we should wait , every possible pitfall seemed crystal clear . but nothing came out of my mouth . `` i 'm not giving you any options here , '' he said decisively , twisting up and standing with me cradled in his arms . `` we 're doing this , eva . enjoy your last remaining hours as a single woman . '' `` gideon , '' i gasped , my head thrashing as the orgasm poured through me . his sweat dripped onto my chest , his hps tireless as he stroked his magnificent penis into me over and over , rolling and thrusting , shallow then deep . `` that 's it , '' he praised hoarsely , `` squeeze my dick just like that . you feel so good , angel . you 're going to make me come again . '' i panted for breath , boneless and tired from his unrelenting demands . he 'd woken me twice before , taking me with skilled precision , imprinting onto my brain and my body that i belonged to him . that i was his and he could do whatever he wanted to me . it made me so hot . `` umm ... '' he purred , sliding his cck deep . `` you 're so creamy with my cum . i love the way you feel when i 've been at you all night . a lifetime of this , eva . i draped my leg over his hip , holding him in me . his wickedly curved mouth brushed over mine . `` love me , '' i demanded , my nails digging into his h*ps as he flexed inside me . `` i do , angel , '' he whispered , his smile widening . i stretched in a tangle of sheets that smelled of sex and gideon and breathed in the salt-tinged breeze drifting through the open patio doors . i lay there for a while , thinking over the night and the day before . then the weeks before , and the few months since i 'd met gideon . then beyond that . back to brett and others i had dated . back to a time when i 'd been so certain i would never find a man who loved me for who i was , with all my emotional scars and baggage and neediness . what else could i say besides yes , now that by some miracle i 'd found him ? rolling out of bed , i felt a flutter of excitement at the thought of finding gideon and agreeing to marry him without reservation . i loved the idea of eloping with him , of our first vows spoken in private , with no one watching who harbored doubts or dislike or bad wishes . after all we 'd both been through , it made perfect sense for our new beginning to be filled with nothing but love and hope and happiness . i should 've known he 'd plan it all perfectly , from the privacy to the exclusive locale . of course we 'd get married on a beach . beaches held fond memories for both of us , not the least of which was our last time away at the outer banks . when i saw the breakfast tray on the coffee table in the bedroom 's seating area , i smiled . there was a white silk robe draped over the back of the chair , too . gideon never missed a trick . i pulled the robe on and reached to pour myself a cup of coffee , wanting a caffeine boost before i searched for him in the suite and gave him my answer . that was when i saw the prenuptial agreement tucked beneath the covered breakfast plate . my hand froze halfway to the carafe .	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not for the persephone , the queen 's revenge , or the phoebe . he rubbed his aching eyes , and began on the register of the phillip alonzo . a spanish name , but it was listed under scottish registry . sailing from inverness , under the command of captain patrick o'brian . he had n't given up , but had already begun to think what to do next , if she should not be listed in the registers . lallybroch , of course . he had been there once , in his own time , to the abandoned remains of the estate ; could he find it now , without the guidance of roads and signposts ? his thoughts stopped with a jolt as his gliding finger came to a halt , near the bottom of a page . not brianna randall , not the name he 'd been looking for , but a name that rang bells of recognition in his mind . fraser , read the slanted , crisp black writing . mr. brian fraser . no , not brian . and not mr. , either . he bent closer , squinting at the cramped black lettering . he closed his eyes , feeling his heart thump hard in his chest , and relief flowed through him , intoxicating as the pub 's special dark beer . mrs. , not mr. and what had first seemed merely an exuberant tail on the `` n '' of brian was on closer inspection almost surely instead a careless `` a . '' her , it was her , it had to be ! it was an unusual first name-he had seen no other briannas or brianas anywhere in the massive register . and even fraser made sense , of a sort ; embarked on a quixotic quest to find her father , she had taken his name , the name she was entitled to by right of birth . he slammed the register closed , as though to keep her from escaping from the pages , and sat for a moment , breathing . he saw the fairhaired clerk eyeing him curiously from the counter and , flushing , opened the book again . the phillip alonzo . sailed from inverness on the fourth of july , anno domini 1769 . for charleston , south carolina . he frowned at the name , suddenly uncertain . was that her real destination , or only as close as she could get ? a quick glance at the rest of the registers showed no ships in july for north carolina . perhaps she had simply taken the first ship for the southern colonies , intending to journey overland . a chill gripped him that had nothing to do with the river wind seeping through the cracks of the window next to him . he looked at the page again , and was reassured . no , there was no profession given , as there was for all the men . it was certainly `` mrs. '' and therefore it must be `` briana '' as well . and if `` briana '' it was , then brianna it was , too , he knew it . he rose and handed the book across the counter to his fair-haired acquaintance . `` thanks , man , '' he said , relaxing into his own soft accent . `` can ye be tellin ' me , is there a ship in port bound for the american colonies soon , now ? '' `` oh , aye , '' the clerk said , deftly stowing the register with one hand and accepting a bill of lading from a customer with the other . `` happen it will be gloriana ; she sails day after tomorrow for the carolinas . '' he looked roger up and down . `` emigrant or seaman ? '' `` seaman , '' roger said promptly . ignoring the other 's raised eyebrow , he waved toward the forest of masts visible through the paned windows . `` where do i go to sign on ? '' both eyebrows high , the clerk nodded in the direction of the door . `` her master works from the friars when he 's in port . likely he 'll be there now-captain bonnet . '' he forbore adding what was obvious from his skeptical expression ; if roger was a seaman , he , the clerk , was an african parrot . `` right , mo ghille . sketching a salute , roger turned away , but turned back at the door to find the clerk still watching him , ignoring the press of impatient customers . roger called , with a grin . the clerk 's answering grin was tinged with something that might have been either admiration or wistfulness . `` luck to ye , man ! '' he called , and waved in farewell . by the time the door swung shut , he was deep in conversation with the next customer , quill pen poised in readiness . he found captain bonnet in the pub , as advertised , settled in a corner under a thick blue haze of smoke , to which the captain 's own cigar was adding . `` mackenzie , '' roger said on sudden impulse .	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she checked the new teddy-bear clock on the nursery wall . until then , she would hang tight and wait . the flashback to the past and waiting for flynn to come home kinked her muscles . she would n't turn to the bottle . she had too much to lose . and she 'd learned her lesson . flynn asked his mother monday evening in the living room of her lavish knob hill house . she broke eye contact and fussed with her diamond earring . `` you have no proof i spoke to that reporter . '' `` you knew about my college prank . you dislike renee , and your driver took you to meet the reporter at chez mari saturday afternoon . how much more proof do i need ? '' his mother 's taxidermy-tight face blanched . `` renee landers is not good enough for you . '' anger roared through him like a canyon fire . `` maddox , mother . renee maddox . '' he enjoyed her flinch . `` she 's the woman i married and the one who will be having your grandchildren . `` what matters is that you end this marriage before she gets her hooks into you by tying you down with her low-class , white-trash brats . i only spoke to the columnist because i wanted renee to leave . i had hoped she 'd realize she 's an embarrassment and a liability to you and madd- '' his teeth slammed together . how had he missed this vicious enmity before ? `` renee is not an embarrassment or a liability . she is the only person who puts my happiness above her own . '' and that had always been the case , which made her leaving seven years ago all that much more intriguing . had she left out of some misguided belief he 'd be better off without her ? `` you 're wrong , flynn . i want you to be happy , and finding a suitable wife will make you happy . '' `` as happy as your marriage made you ? '' his mother 's chin jerked up . `` did you ever love my father ? if you did i never saw signs of it . you tolerated him because he bankrolled your spending habits . you gave him children not because of any maternal urge , but only because it was expected of you , and children guaranteed dad would continue supporting you financially . '' he knew the facts . the memories of growing up in a cold , unloving household were too vivid to forget . no wonder his father had spent all his time at the office . flynn had n't known love until renee had chiseled down his walls and forced her way into his heart with her humor , intelligence and generosity . `` think very carefully before you make your choice , mother . '' `` either you apologize to renee , or you say goodbye to me . i 'll walk out that door and we 're through . '' `` do n't be ridiculous , flynn . `` a fact that brings me nothing but shame at the moment . i knew you were unhappy , but i did n't realize you 'd become a bitter , vindictive old woman . '' ignoring her gasp , he turned on his heel and stormed out of the house . only renee 's kisses could heal the wound of dealing with a parent who would stab him in the back . flynn was late . renee stared at the kitchen counters laden with cookies , a pie and quiche . she 'd needed a way to deal with her agitation-an outlet other than drinking . flynn had n't called and his cell phone dumped straight to voice mail . the hospitals had no reports of anyone matching his description being brought in . she 'd called all the local emergency rooms . her stomach burned from nerves . she had to admit flynn 's well-stocked liquor cabinet was tempting . drinking herself into oblivion and not having to worry would certainly be easier than concocting new recipes and walking the floor . she 'd developed better coping skills for dealing with her problems than numbing them out . she cleaned . if all else failed she read cooking magazines online . she heard a key turn in the front door and her pulse jumped like a runner hearing the starter 's pistol . wiping her hands on a towel , she raced down the hall and reached the foyer as flynn entered . anger combined with worry and grief tangled inside her . she wanted to scream at him for scaring her and throw herself into his arms and cry in relief because he was okay . he frowned at her frantic tone . you 're hours late . answer my question , flynn . '' silently he withdrew a folded newspaper from his briefcase . confused , she took it from him . he pointed at a headline halfway down the page . uneasiness swirled through her like a cold , damp fog . her heart inched up her throat as she read the rest of the article . someone had used her to attack flynn and maddox communications . flynn had said reputation was everything , and this article was n't helping his .	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he , who found women attractive , interesting , and utterly forgettable . he , who could spend days in his studio with no human contact whatsoever . and-for the first time in his life-lonely . kevin groaned , swiped a hand over his face as he contemplated another night spent alone . he missed serena . he missed everything about her , from her cool smile to her hot eyes . from her buttoned-up shirts to her silky lingerie . and he most definitely missed the incredible sounds she made just as she was about to clix . he put down his blowtorch and studied the sculpture in front of him . he 'd been working night and day on it since they 'd come back from san diego . though he had started it before they left , the true image for the piece had come to him in the museum of photography as he 'd been buried deep inside serena . in that moment after he 'd come , when he 'd gotten his first inkling about his true feelings for her , he 'd gotten a clear picture in his mind of what he wanted for this piece . and as he studied the nearly completed sculpture he saw that the vision was as close to perfection as he could ever hope to achieve . the heat of the furnace was getting to him , so he grabbed a cold beer and headed outside . not that it was much cooler outside , but at least a breeze fluttered by occasionally , cooling the sweat from his skin . he opened the beer and took a long swig before settling himself on the porch steps . it had been four days since he 'd seen serena-what he was rapidly coming to think of as the four longest days of his life . he 'd worked sixteen-hour days in the studio , surfed the net endlessly , even cleaned his house in the middle of the second night , though he had a housekeeper who came twice a week . he 'd even chopped more wood , adding to the gargantuan pile he 'd created when she 'd left the first time . and he still could n't walk into his room without smelling her . could n't sleep without dreaming about her . could n't close his eyes without seeing her face on the back of his eyelids . he was totally and completely screwed . he was in love with a woman who did n't believe in love , who could n't believe in it . and he did n't know if he was optimistic enough to believe for both of them . he glanced back inside the studio , awed yet again when he saw the sculpture of serena . long , fluid lines predominated , some the thickness of a human thigh , some the wispiness of a human hair . though it was an abstract , anyone looking could see the delicate arms and smooth thighs of a woman . when he was finished he would polish it until he could see his reflection in it , something he saw every time he looked in serena 's eyes . he took a long , deep swallow . the critics were gon na love it . steve would wet his pants when he saw it . if kevin let him have it . part of him wanted to shout loud enough for the whole world to hear-look at my beautiful , amazing woman . see what she 's inspired me to do . but the bigger , selfish part of him-a part he had learned to listen to almost unconditionally-told him to hold the sculpture as closely as possible . not to let anyone see it . serena was his and his alone . no one else needed to know what beauty and light he had found with her . the cordless phone inside his studio rang , but he kept his butt planted firmly on the porch . he did n't want to talk to anyone except serena . and she would n't call . she never did-if he wanted to talk to her , he 'd have to be the one to pick up the phone . it irritated him no end that he mattered so little to her that she never gave him a thought when she was away from him . especially since he could do nothing but think about her . on the fifth ring the answering machine picked up and kevin waited for the message with idle curiosity . probably steve . or marsha . his mom was on a cruise and his best friend was currently searching for himself on a pilgrimage to the far east . kevin grimaced-artists could be so fking pretentious . he was struck , again , on the difference between his life and serena 's . sure , he was a recluse , but he had a mother who called and visited regularly and a best friend who would go to the wall for him . who did serena depend on when things went bad ? who did she talk to after a bad day ? steve 's voice interrupted his reverie and he raised his beer in a toast , congratulating himself on guessing correctly . probably calling to harangue him about doing some article or showing up at some party .	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startled , i spun towards the doorway . `` that 's because i have ninja feet . '' laughter sprang free . i thought you were going to wait outside . '' i thought i hardly took any time . '' `` you were quick . '' gabriel leaned against the doorjamb . `` it was still too long . i missed you already . '' overcome by impulse , i crossed over to him in two steps and wrapped my arms around his neck . gabriel immediately picked me up , lifting me off the ground , and held me tight . i wanted to kiss him , but more than that , i just needed to be close to this darling man . `` you 're turned my world upside down , gabriel . '' i nuzzled his neck with the tip of my nose . `` you smell so delicious . like sunshine and gabriel . '' `` and you smell so sweet . like vanilla . i just want to tuck you away in my pocket and carry you around all the time . '' gabriel lifted me up higher until i wrapped my legs around his waist . `` are you done in here , emma ? '' gabriel shut off the light and walked into the living room , still carrying me like a little monkey . i pointed him in the direction of the ivory side table . gabriel strode over and picked up my purse . `` they 're in here . '' `` okay , you ready to roll ? '' gabriel paused at the door . `` you know i plan on keeping you all weekend ? '' `` i 'd be mad at you if you did n't . '' my world became a better place every time he smiled . chapter seven i picked up the phone and answered crisply , `` emma adams . '' `` emma , i know you got my text . `` hi , gabriel . '' i did n't have to look at a mirror to know i smiled giddily like a school girl . `` hmm ... '' i switched back to concentrate on the computer screen , scanning the numbers and importing column after column . `` just a couple more minutes ... '' i answered distractedly . `` you already said that twice . '' it 's just i do n't think i can eat lunch right now . can we postpone ? '' gabriel neatly cut my excuse down . you have to take care of yourself , emma . pushing off lunch is n't going to help keep your mind fit and sharp . you need to feed it . '' `` i will , but ca n't lunch wait for another hour ? '' now will you come and meet me in the lobby or do i have to come and get you ? if i get you , i might make a detour and find your supervisor . from there i 'll make him an offer he ca n't refuse to let you go into the loving bosom of gordon industries where you 'll be able to eat at a proper time ... '' i rolled my eyes and minimized my screens . i checked the clock , mentally making note of when i needed to be back . mondays were always a beast and today was no exception . i leaned over and rapped on my neighbor 's plushy wall . `` kevin , i 'm off to lunch . i 'll be back in about an hour . '' he waved me on , calling out `` have a good one . '' gabriel , resplendent in a charcoal suit with matching shirt and tie , grabbed my hand as soon as i got off the elevator . `` poor baby , is that my fault ? '' i crooned sympathetically . i demand you make it up to me . '' the frenetic morning lifted off my shoulders as i gave into the charm that was gabriel gordon . `` oh , i 'm sorry then . let 's eat then . '' `` glad you 're finally seeing things my way . i 'd swear you did n't know just how important it is for me to spend time with you ! '' i did because i felt the same way . we 'd spent the majority of the weekend together . gabriel had driven me into the city in his luxury suv to pick up my car . it had the new car scent all over . i 'd also noticed the temporary tags . i just got it this morning . '' `` i told you already-i do n't sleep much . besides , the parking spaces here are tiny . i 'd doubt our neighbors would appreciate my limo taking up a whole row of them . '' 'our neighbors ' made all the fuzzies inside me bounce around . `` i hope you got a good deal on this . '' after we 'd picked up my car and brought it back , gabriel took great pleasure in giving me the grand tour of his place . never mind the fact that i had the same exact apartment . `` they 're hardly the same , emma . you live there and i live here .	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`` oh , mum , '' gabrielle said , touched beyond measure as she blinked back tears , which then started her mother getting teary-eyed and had her father sniffing slightly , making damien give a quiet chuckle . half an hour later gabrielle walked into the apartment and dropped her handbag on the sofa . she went to turn toward the kitchen to get a drink of water , but damien had entered the apartment and was standing behind her . his hands slid around her hps and pulled her up against him . she said , feeling his instant arousal against her . she gave a delicious shudder . `` reaping the benefits of marriage , '' he murmured , turning her around to face him . his eyes had a strange seriousness in them that captured her attention . `` we did n't have to get married for that . '' `` i know , but we may as well enjoy it . '' he started running his lips along her chin . `` but dinner- '' `` can wait , '' he said , and closed over her mouth with a kiss . a long drugging kiss that sparked an ache inside her and soon had her aflame for him , making everything so much more poignant for her now she knew she loved him . poignant and incredibly beautiful . afterward damien held gabrielle in his arms . their lovemaking had been richly satisfying , but he could n't seem to shake a slight melancholy that seemed to be sitting inside his chest . he did n't lack for anything in his life , yet somehow it felt as though he did . he had the most beautiful woman in the world in his arms , yet absurdly he wanted more from her . hell , what was the matter with him ? just then gabrielle arched her neck to gaze up at him from the crook of his arm . `` did you see the look my father gave my mother ? i 'm sure he still loves her . '' usually she did n't talk after making love . she either fell asleep in his arms , or they both got up and did other things . their relationship was not usually about sharing the moment after they 'd sated their bodies on each other . `` i 'm sure he does , too , '' he agreed , remembering the way russell had looked at caroline . `` in any case , your mother 's already told us she loves your father . it 's just a matter of time before they get back together . '' `` they 've wasted such a lot of years . '' so did we , came the unbidden thought . it all fell into place then . the reason he felt unsettled was because of what had happened in the hospital room this afternoon . it must have subconsciously stirred up memories of five years ago . `` why did you leave , gabrielle ? '' `` um , when ? '' she asked , lowering her gaze to his chest . she shrugged , but still kept her eyes downward . `` it was n't easy living with my father after my mother left . and before that it had never been much good , either . '' `` no , why did you leave me ? '' her eyes lifted and he could see she 'd known what he 'd meant all along . `` i explained it in the note . '' and he 'd brushed that aside at the time , allowing work commitments to prevail . nothing and no one had been going to stop him from making his millions . not even this beautiful woman in his arms . `` ahh , the note , '' he murmured , half to himself . `` you did n't want me coming after you , if i remember rightly . '' and that made him wonder . she blinked , then gave a bland smile . `` this is beginning to sound like an inquisition , '' she joked , but her strained look told him she did n't actually find it amusing . `` what are you hiding , gabrielle ? '' something flickered in her eyes , before she glanced downward at their nakd bodies entwined on the bed . `` nothing , apparently , '' she mused . she was n't fooling him . she was using sex to get him to change the subject . and that meant she was definitely hiding something . god , he felt like someone had punched him in the stomach . that thought had never occurred to him before . he 'd always assumed he was enough for her . he squared his shoulders , prepared for a blow . `` was there another man involved ? '' her eyes widened in total surprise . fierce relief washed over him . he began to breathe again . `` just as well , '' he growled . `` you 're my wife now and if another man comes looking for you , i 'll kill him . '' she stared for a moment , clearly surprised . then her eyes softened . `` damien , you have no need to worry . i wo n't be leaving you again . '' for once she did n't sound as if their marriage was a fate worse than death , and suddenly he felt more than pleased about that . he 'd never realized before how much he 'd missed by not being married .	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being with lia over the last few days had eased his body , but thinking of having her forever eased the pain in his heart . shane turned in lia 's direction again and their eyes met . he could see the way his gaze held hers captive , the way her chest heaved . he sent a clear message her way . you are mine , and i 'm not letting go . she bit down on her lip before a secret smile crept up as she seemed to send her own message . her curls hung loose around her slim neck , and her eyes sparkled as she gazed at him . the slight flush to her cheeks made her look as if she 'd just climbed from his bed . oh , and the dress . my , my , the dress was enough to have his body hardening instantly as he imagined peeling it from her incredible curves . he had to thank whoever had picked it out , because it molded to her body like a second skin and was n't hiding anything from his view . yes , he was ready for whatever excuses she had to throw at him , and this time when they played ball , he intended to win . not just for the night or the weekend , but for the rest of time . lia was going to be his wife . with determination and a firm resolve , shane set down his bottle and took a step in her direction . the hunger in her eyes was his guiding light . they were now in overtime , and he was calling a foul . she was n't getting away this time . chapter thirty ms. palazzo , tear down that wall . that , it seemed , was the unexpected result of lia 's talk therapy . as her eyes locked with shane 's , she wondered what her next move was going to be . ari and rachel had finally dragged the entire story from her , and , no , it did n't help close her off to shane 's attractions . instead , it speedily increased her need for him - releasing the floodgates of passion . while she 'd talked about him , she realized that in keeping him at bay , she was mainly trying to protect herself . maybe because she 'd wanted him for so long without him wanting her that she 'd built some sort of fortress around her heart . whatever the reason , she could no longer keep that solid wall from crumbling down around her feet . he was the man she loved ; maybe it would be best if she just gave in to both his and her own desires . maybe it was time she grew up and took what was being offered to her . she did n't need to look for all the reasons they could n't be together . it was time to appreciate what she had right in front of her . surely she would n't lose herself that way . her life would gain another person . but she could n't keep from dwelling on her unhappy fears . what if she gave him her entire heart , and the next day he shipped out , only to be taken away from her forever ? what would that do to her in the long run ? could she ever pick herself up off the ground after such devastation ? and yet , would it really make a difference at this point ? if he were to go away and never return , would n't her heart shatter , even now ? whether she wanted to love him or not , she already did . and if nothing she did at this point would change the way she felt , why not just jump in with both feet ? shane had walked right into her personal bubble and she was glad to see him , her heart instantly picking up speed . i decided just now , though , that i want to take you off into a closet , unbuckle your belt and show you how very much i want you inside me . '' shane 's eyes grew wide , then narrowed sharply . he looked around to make sure no one was listening . lia found that she enjoyed shocking shane . she enjoyed making him blush , making him shuffle nervously from foot to foot . to make this big man uncomfortable seemed to be a mission of hers in life . it was not only amusing , it was also very much an aphrodisiac , at least when she looked down and noticed the effect she 'd had on the fit of his trousers . he wanted her , even after three days of nonstop lovemaking . lia was going to give both of them pleasure , and she was going to do it right now . she took his hand and started pulling him from the vast ballroom . `` lia , we ca n't do that here , '' shane said , trying to put on the brakes as she reached the door . lia turned , a smile on her lips . `` what 's the matter , shane ? are you worried about what the other guests will say if they see you sneaking off ? '' `` i do n't want to seem rude , '' he said as he shifted uncomfortably , firmly planting his feet . `` oh , you are a beautiful man . `` you 're worried about my reputation , are n't you ? '' `` you 're a lady , lia . i do n't want anyone to assume anything else .	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