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another drink maybe . he looked like hell , dark circles under his eyes . from lack of sleep most likely . but that did n't explain the nearly shaved head . `` dude , what happened to you ? '' rowan asked , pointing to the short cut . elliot 's curly mop had become a signature with his fans who collected magazine covers . there were even billboards and posters ... . all their pals from the military academy-the ones who 'd dubbed themselves the alpha brotherhood-never passed up an opportunity to rib elliot about the underwear ad . elliot scratched a hand over his shorn hair . `` i had a wreck during a training run . bit of a fire involved . singed my hair . '' `` you caught on fire ? '' `` just my hair . '' `` how did i miss hearing about that ? '' `` you are one seriously messed-up dude . '' but then all his former classmates were messed up in some form . came with the territory . the things that had landed them in that reform school left them with baggage long after graduation . `` you 're the one who hangs out in war-torn villages passing out vaccinations and blankets for fun . '' `` i 'm not trailed by groupies . '' `` they 're harmless most of the time . '' except when they were n't . the very reason he 'd consulted with elliot about the best way to protect mari and issa . `` i ca n't thank you enough , brother , for overseeing the security detail . they earned their pay tonight . '' elliot lifted his glass again , draining the rest with a wince . `` what 's up with your papa-and-the-princess deal ? '' `` the kid needed my help . so i helped . '' `` you 've always been the saint . but that does n't explain the princess . '' rowan ignored the last part of elliot 's question . `` what 's so saintly about helping out a kid when i have unlimited funds and interpol agents at my disposal ? saintly is when something 's difficult to do . '' `` and the woman-the princess ? '' his half-drunk buddy persisted . `` she had a reputation for being very difficult on the subject of dr. rowan boothe . '' like the time she 'd written an entire journal piece pointing out potential flaws in his diagnostics program . sure , he 'd made adjustments after reading the piece , but holy hell , it would have been nice-and more expedient-if she 'd come to him first . `` mari needs my help , too . `` you are so damn delusional . '' and an uncomfortable one . beyond their cabana tent , a couple strolled arm-in-arm along the shoreline , sidestepping as a jogger sprinted past with a loping dog . `` if you were a good friend you would let me continue with my denial . '' elliot lifted the decanter and refilled his glass . `` it 's not denial if you acknowledge said problem . '' `` i am aware of that fact . '' his unrelenting desire for mari was a longtime , ongoing issue he was doing his damnedest to address . `` what do you intend to do about your crush on the princess ? '' `` crush ? i 'm not in junior high . '' `` i 'm figuring that out as i go . '' and even if he had one , he was n't comfortable discussing details of his-feelings ? -his attraction . `` what happens if this relationship goes south ? her father has a lot of influence . even though you 're not in his country , his region still neighbors your backyard . that could be ... uncomfortable . '' rowan had n't considered that angle and he should have . which said a lot for how much mari messed with his mind . `` let me get this straight , starc . you are doling out relationship advice ? '' `` i 'm a top-notch source when it comes to all the wrong things to do in a long-term relationship . '' he lifted his glass in toast . `` here 's to three broken engagements and counting . '' `` who said i 'm looking for long-term ? '' elliot leveled an entirely sober stare his way , holding for three crashes of the waves before he said , `` you truly are delusional , dude . '' `` that 's not advice . '' `` it is if you really think about it . '' he 'd had enough of this discussion about mari and the possibility of a train wreck of epic proportions . rowan shoved off the lounger , his shoes sinking in the sand . `` hit a sore spot , did i ? '' still , starc pushed . `` i appreciate your ... concern . and your help . '' he clapped elliot on the shoulder before sweeping aside the canvas curtain . `` i need to return to the hotel . '' he 'd been gone long enough .

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["persisted", 1934], ["reputation", 1960], ["subject", 2000], ["subjectest", 2000], ["dr", 2006], ["drs", 2006], ["write", 2054], ["writing", 2054], ["written", 2054], ["entire", 2064], ["journal", 2072], ["piece", 2078], ["pieced", 2078], ["potential", 2101], ["flaw", 2107], ["flawed", 2107], ["flaws", 2107], ["diagnostic", 2126], ["diagnostics", 2126], ["program", 2134], ["sure", 2141], ["adjustment", 2166], ["adjustments", 2166], ["read", 2180], ["reads", 2180], ["reading", 2180], ["holy", 2201], ["nice", 2232], ["expedient", 2251], ["come", 2266], ["first", 2279], ["firstest", 2279], ["need", 2295], ["needest", 2295], ["needs", 2295], ["damn", 2330], ["damned", 2330], ["delusional", 2341], ["uncomfortable", 2367], ["beyond", 2380], ["cabana", 2393], ["cabanas", 2393], ["tent", 2398], ["tented", 2398], ["tenting", 2398], ["couple", 2409], ["arm", 2422], ["along", 2435], ["shoreline", 2449], ["shorelines", 2449], ["sidestep", 2464], ["sidesteps", 2464], ["sidestepping", 2464], ["jogger", 2476], ["joggers", 2476], ["sprint", 2485], ["sprinted", 2485], ["sprinting", 2485], ["past", 2490], ["lope", 2504], ["lopes", 2504], ["dog", 2508], ["good", 2532], ["friend", 2539], ["let", 2553], ["lets", 2553], ["continue", 2565], ["denial", 2580], ["decanter", 2612], ["refill", 2625], ["refilled", 2625], ["acknowledge", 2676], ["say", 2681], ["sayest", 2681], ["said", 2681], ["problem", 2689], ["aware", 2708], ["fact", 2721], ["unrelenting", 2742], ["desire", 2749], ["longtime", 2773], ["ongoing", 2783], ["issue", 2789], ["damnedest", 2816], ["address", 2827], ["intend", 2851], ["intendest", 2851], ["crush", 2874], ["crushest", 2874], ["junior", 2925], ["high", 2930], ["figure", 2952], ["figuring", 2952], ["go", 2969], ["goest", 2969], ["comfortable", 3022], ["discuss", 3033], ["discusses", 3033], ["discussest", 3033], ["discussing", 3033], ["detail", 3041], ["details", 3041], ["feeling", 3057], ["feelings", 3057], ["attraction", 3075], ["happen", 3093], ["happens", 3093], ["relationship", 3114], ["go", 3119], ["goest", 3119], ["goes", 3119], ["south", 3125], ["father", 3138], ["fathered", 3138], ["fathering", 3138], ["lot", 3148], ["influence", 3161], ["though", 3175], ["country", 3202], ["region", 3215], ["still", 3221], ["neighbor", 3231], ["neighbors", 3231], ["backyard", 3245], ["consider", 3309], ["considered", 3309], ["angle", 3320], ["much", 3371], ["mind", 3397], ["minding", 3397], ["get", 3413], ["straight", 3427], ["dole", 3452], ["doling", 3452], ["advice", 3476], ["top", 3495], ["notch", 3501], ["notched", 3501], ["notches", 3501], ["notchest", 3501], ["notching", 3501], ["source", 3508], ["come", 3522], ["comes", 3522], ["wrong", 3539], ["term", 3567], ["terming", 3567], ["toast", 3614], ["three", 3636], ["engagement", 3655], ["engagements", 3655], ["count", 3668], ["countest", 3668], ["counting", 3668], ["look", 3698], ["looking", 3698], ["level", 3732], ["leveled", 3732], ["entirely", 3744], ["sober", 3750], ["sobering", 3750], 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4341], ["gone", 4341]]

he tore away from her , and she felt her chest inhale quickly . she had n't realized that she had been holding her breath . she started to turn towards him , wanting to tell him how sorry she was but before she could reply he was pressed up against her once more , his eyes blazing with such passionate intensity she could feel the fire dripping from every word that spilled from his beautiful mouth . `` but i 'm not the man that you used to know , bella . this time i 'm not interested in any romantic idea of us being together . i do n't need it nor do i want it . jason 's hands flew up to her shoulders and he gripped them tightly , pulling bella tightly against his chest . `` this time i just want you ... in my bed . give me that and you 'll get all of the help you need . '' bella could barely breath with jason 's broad chest pressed against her back . she opened her mouth struggling to force the words out from her trembling lips . `` you want ... you want me to sleep with you ? '' he chuckled softly , his lips trailing softly along her neck . `` i want to do a lot of things with you , bella ... but i promise you , sleeping will not be one of those things . '' she snapped , twisting round and wresting herself from his hold . she met his sardonic expression with fury and distaste . `` you 're right about not being the same man , '' she fumed with disgust . `` the jason i used to know would never take advantage of an innocent woman this way . '' `` innocent woman ? '' he echoed , tilting one eyebrow mockingly . `` hardly a word i 'd use to ever describe you . and i told you ; i 'm not the jason you knew , bella . that jason was a fool . '' he turned around quickly , his expression darkening as his eyes settled on his flushed cheeks . `` what could possibly be holding you back from accepting my offer , bella ? it 's not like i 'm asking for anything that you have n't given away freely before . god knows , you certainly spread it around back in college . '' bella felt her cheeks sting at his words . `` i do n't know what you mean about college , jason . if you 're trying to say i was some kind of ... '' `` bella , i know all about your escapades . with roy , and probably half the football team ... you had quite a reputation . i always wondered why i never got to see past your golden curls and baby blue eyes to know you were really nothing but a slut . '' bella 's hand flashed across his face before she could stop herself . and then she stumbled back in shock at her own violent reaction , seeing the tracks of her fingers spread across his jaw before they disappeared . he hardly seemed moved by the unexpected blow , though his lips thinned somewhat . `` i ca n't see why you 're so flustered . you were hardly an angel , bella . '' `` i certainly was n't the whore that you seem to recall , either , '' she choked , her fists clenched at her sides as she tried to contain her emotions . `` i ca n't believe you 'd actually think me capable of that . i do n't know what rumors roy may have circulated about me , but ... '' `` bella , there 's no need to explain , '' he said , raising his hands . `` you never cared what anyone thought of you back then . you did what you pleased - i do n't think you should worry now . it 's all in the past anyway . all i 'm really interested in now is whether you 'll accept my offer . '' her lips curled in aversion . `` you may think i 'm cheap and lacking in morals ... but then what does that say of you , huh ? bribing me into becoming your whore - the very thing you so harshly accuse me of being back in college . '' she quickly took up her bag that had slipped from her shoulders earlier , and forced herself to meet his silent gaze with a raised chin . `` no thank you , jason . i 'll find a way out of this mess without your help - and certainly without having to spend any amount of time in your bed ! '' bella turned sharply and was already at the door before his next words hit her . `` if you walk out that door , bella , then you can kiss your business goodbye , '' he told her coolly . `` i 'll call in all the loans and within days , your whole shop will be closed down . add that to you losing every other thing of worth you have as we move in to recover our losses . '' she turned sharply once more to face him , eyes widened with a sudden panic she could not conceal . `` you would n't dare ... '' he smiled , and it was in no way reassuring .

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["slut", 2385], ["sluts", 2385], ["hand", 2404], ["flash", 2412], ["flashed", 2412], ["across", 2419], ["face", 2428], ["stop", 2450], ["stumble", 2482], ["stumbled", 2482], ["shock", 2496], ["violent", 2515], ["reaction", 2524], ["see", 2533], ["seeing", 2533], ["track", 2544], ["tracks", 2544], ["finger", 2559], ["fingers", 2559], ["jaw", 2581], ["jaws", 2581], ["jawed", 2581], ["jawest", 2581], ["disappear", 2605], ["disappeared", 2605], ["seem", 2624], ["seeming", 2624], ["seemed", 2624], ["move", 2630], ["moved", 2630], ["unexpected", 2648], ["blew", 2653], ["blow", 2653], ["blowest", 2653], ["though", 2662], ["thin", 2679], ["thins", 2679], ["thinned", 2679], ["somewhat", 2688], ["ca", 2698], ["cas", 2698], ["angel", 2758], ["whore", 2804], ["seem", 2818], ["seeming", 2818], ["recall", 2828], ["recallest", 2828], ["either", 2837], ["choke", 2853], ["choked", 2853], ["fist", 2865], ["fists", 2865], ["clench", 2874], ["clenched", 2874], ["side", 2887], ["sidest", 2887], ["sides", 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but once i took the job with geraldine , i found my home . i have no desire to live anywhere else . '' colin had known she felt that way from the beginning , yet to hear her say it drove another nail in the coffin of his fantasy that somehow , someway , they could end up together in scotland . the idea made no sense , yet he was n't sure how he 'd live out the rest of his days without her . `` that 's good to hear , '' george said . `` i 'm all in favor of having a were destination resort here in the seattle area . i believe those colorado weres have the only one so far , and they 're raking in the profits . that proves there 's a market for it . let me know if there 's anything i can do to help get this off the ground . '' he pushed away from his desk . colin read that as a signal that the visit was over . standing , he offered a hand to luna . she accepted it , because the chair was extremely deep . colin hated to think of how he would have lost status if he 'd sat in the other one . he doubted george had expected him to . `` i appreciate your enthusiasm , '' luna said as she shook george 's hand . `` it 's important to have friends in the community when you 're launching a new business . '' `` i have a feeling you 'll be very successful . '' george released her hand and glanced over at colin . `` the reservation 's made , by the way , and the room 's paid for , with my compliments . '' `` just promise you 'll get me a tee time at st. andrews when i show up there , and we 'll call it even . '' colin shook george 's hand , and the interview was over . when they were in the elevator headed back down to the lobby , luna sagged against the mirrored elevator wall . `` that was challenging . '' colin put an arm around her shoulders and hugged her close . she glanced up at him , a gleam of suspicion in her eyes . `` did you know my grandmother was his aunt ? '' `` i did n't , and i apologize for that . please believe that if i 'd known i would have warned you . '' `` if i 'd known , i would n't have gone up there . '' `` but you did , and you impressed him . he 'll support your business , and that kind of support could make a big difference . '' `` until he finds out that i 'm the illegitimate child of his late cousin byron . '' `` i think that means i 'm related to george trevelyan ! '' `` i wondered when you 'd figure that out . '' `` all i ever wanted was to hide out on that island . and that 's looking increasingly impossible . i 've known since i arrived in seattle that i 'm technically a part of the trevelyan pack , but i 'd hoped to keep that very quiet . now there 's no way i can . '' leaning down , he dropped a kiss on the top of her head . `` have you ever thought that maybe you were n't meant to hide out somewhere ? that you were meant for something more grand than living like a hermit on le floret ? '' `` you make it sound like some kind of destiny or something . '' `` maybe it is , luna . '' he thought about the premonition he 'd had when he 'd realized that her name blended perfectly with his cherished love of the heavens . luna 's mood improved once she and colin left the trevelyan enterprises building . she had to make a decision about whether or not to visit her grandparents , but she did n't have to make it now . instead she and colin could explore seattle , and the city in june was a magical place , especially for lovers . much as she 'd adored geraldine , colin was a more exciting companion . he insisted on going into an upscale department store to buy the clothes they 'd need for the following day . he bought sensible things , a change of underwear and a cotton shirt , but he nagged her mercilessly until she ended up with a pair of designer jeans and a ridiculously expensive silk blouse that matched her eyes . or so colin said when she walked out of the dressing room wearing it . he took part in choosing her underwear , too , and so naturally it was black lace . `` why do males have this thing about black lace ? '' she asked him after they left the lingerie department , each with their purchases in a snazzy bag with handles . `` conditioning , i suppose . '' he laced his fingers through hers as they strolled along the sidewalk toward pike 's place market , where they planned to browse through some bookshops . `` black is the color of night , of mystery , of the forbidden . ''

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maybe callie is on the strip . '' he 'd been over this mentally a thousand times in the last twenty-four hours . `` highly unlikely . anyone who 'd employ her down there would insist on having proper identification . since callie left her fake driver 's license back in dallas knowing we 'd track that name , she 'd have no use for it now . it 's possible she has another alias , but she would n't keep it for long and she would n't have asked logan for help if she felt secure in the identity . besides , the video surveillance on the strip will be far sharper and more sophisticated than anything in the older section of town . the security presence in joints up there is palpable . callie would n't go there voluntarily . thorpe sighed tiredly , then absently thanked the waitress who took their orders and filled their coffee cups . `` seems like we 've combed every inch of these streets . i do n't know where else to go . '' the only places downtown left to search were the really unsavory and unpalatable . the dangerous haunts for the depraved and criminal element . thorpe already looked ready to lose it . the strain of being unable to locate callie was wearing on him , too . if sean had ever had any illusions about thorpe 's feelings , he did n't now . as much as he hated to admit it , the man genuinely loved her . `` i 've got a few more possibilities . '' sean tried to shrug casually . `` you get any sleep ? it 's going to be another long day . '' `` i crashed for three hours . after that ... off and on . '' he took a swig of coffee , wincing as the steaming brew hit his tongue . `` i kept having dreams about callie needing help , being alone , crying . i know she 's a very capable woman , but ... '' sean shot him a rueful smile . `` i 'm in the same camp , man . i woke up wondering if i 'm crazy . how well do i know this girl ? i know the person she showed me . but is she the real callie ? '' thorpe paused for so long , sean was n't sure he intended to answer . `` i want like hell to lie to you and tell you that everything you saw was bs . but that 's not what 's best for her . '' `` yeah , you saw the real callie , especially that last night on the dungeon floor . she lowered her walls for you . with anyone else , she 'd gnaw her own arm off before trembling or showing vulnerability . she 'd avoid that kind of eye contact , and run screaming from that much ... intimacy . she cared what you thought , how you felt . her taking off probably does n't say that to you , but i know callie better than anyone else . believe me , you saw her . '' suddenly , sean understood one of the many things that ripped at thorpe 's guts . `` you 're not used to sharing that soft , secret side of her . you wanted it for yourself . '' the big man across the table paused , froze , then crushed the empty plastic creamer container in his fist . `` if i could n't have any other part of her , i was willing to accept that . seeing her wanting to please someone else felt like a never-ending kick in the balls . but you 're better for her , so ... '' yeah , he should probably let that go . it was in his best interest to let thorpe think he 'd ruin callie or whatever bullshit trolled through his head . but the man had been brutally honest with him today , and they 'd been through too much in the last thirty-six hours for that crap . they were n't friends , but they shared a new respect forged in fire . both of them knew bone deep that the other would do anything-everything-to keep callie safe . `` you 're not bad for callie . she looks to you for so much-comfort , security . '' he had to force out the next truth . `` even love . she wants you in her life . i 'm probably the interloper here . '' with a tight squeeze of his eyes , thorpe blocked him out , looking as if he worked hard to hold himself together . `` i love her more than i believed myself capable of loving any woman . you have no idea how difficult it is for me to say that , but i feel compelled to confess since you called me a coward and rubbed my nose in my feelings like dog shit . i 'm painfully aware that callie needs the tenderness you 've given her . i 'm not capable of it . '' he rubbed at his forehead . `` ask my ex-wife , for starters . '' `` tenderness is n't all she needs . '' sean prayed he had everything inside him she required to be whole .

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i had just become aware of him , who he was . sure , we went way back , but its not like i could remember that . so , how was this possible ? how could he have become like the sun to me ? like oxygen ? i bit down on my lip as tears threatened at the rims of my eyelids and sank beneath the water . bracing myself against the sides of the tube , i prepared to be assaulted by another mental picture of nikolas . i got a picture , but not one i was expecting . behind my lids , i saw the worn face of a girl about my age . her sandy blonde hair hung limply around her shoulders , face hollow , eyes sunken and empty . immediately i emerged from beneath the surface , cold water splashing as i thrashed . i squeezed my eyes shut again , trying to see the image , needing to place the face . unease settled in the pit of my stomach , my internal warning system sounded . dangera whisper in my head . from who though ? i only saw her image only for a moment , the span of a heartbeat , but she was weak , sickly evenher features emaciated and broken . i climbed shaking from the tub , water sliding in rivulets down my body , goose bumps washing over my skin that were completely unrelated to the temperature . i dressed in a haze , pulling on a gown that may have been green . as i drew a brush through my hair the flashes of the girl pulled at my mind , fragmented and hazy , like a dream trying to emerge through from the depths of the subconscious . i pressed fingers to my temples and closed my eyes , trying to focus . i tried to recall if this had ever happened to me , this vision thing . i knew it hadnt since id been here . before what though ? i had been somewhere else , where was it ? it was like trying to watch tv with no antenna , nothing but static . i pushed harder , trying to dredge the memories from the fuzz that surrounded them . the only thing that was clearly rooted in my head was the past few days . i could recall them perfectly , beyond thatonly a void . id been told this would happen , i hadnt expected it so quickly . i thought it would occur slowly , bit by bit . no one told me it would be like the flip of a switch . overcome with exhaustion , i made my way to the bed and burrowed into the masses of pillows and blankets and surrendered to a deep and dreamless sleep . *** a firm knock sounded at my door , pulling me from unconsciousness . i pulled up drowsily and stared at the door . i pulled back the thick comforter and scooted toward the edge of the bed , dislodging pillows and driving them to the floor . too tired to form a coherent thought , i stumbled to the door and jerked it open . liam stood at the door , sparing me a sweeping glance before landing his eyes on my own . you lookrested . hmph , was my eloquent response . i blinked , trying to remove the heavy fog that lingered on my eyelids and mind after my long nap . liam gave me a smirk , much like the one hed given me after he kissed me . oh , the kiss . at the thought , a deep blush rushed up my throat and over my cheeks , skin heating in its wake . liam cocked a perfect black brow , the incredible pale green of his eyes catching the light of the flickering torches that lined the halls . something on your mind , dani ? the words slid from his lips fluidly . i raised my own eyebrows and leveled him with a look . i wouldnt give him the satisfaction , though my skin betrayed me , palms sweating , blush deepening . he nodded once and smirked again . taking a deep breath , he got down to business . he turned the smolder on , sweeping his lashes down and looking at me from beneath their dark fringe . i understand there is to be a ball in your honor , and i was hoping you would allow me the honor of escorting you . he let the words hand in the air , piercing me with his eyes . i pictured nikolas and brigitte , her arms wrapped possessively around him as they swayed to the music . the answer tumbled from my lips . liam looked mildly startled , then recovered and a smile lit the perfect planes of his face . he swept down and seized my hand where it hung limply at my side , pressing a kiss to the thin skin that stretched across my bones . i asked , eyes squinting to study him . liam said offhandedly . since you fessed up to your true identity , youve turned into something akin to a douche bag . liam shook his head , dark locks swaying back and forth . while i am not familiar with that terminology , i take it that was not a compliment . i shot him a look that confirmed that was true . you can not imagine the freedom that comes with being known for who i am and being accepted for it .

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1879], ["root", 1886], ["rooted", 1886], ["past", 1910], ["day", 1919], ["days", 1919], ["perfectly", 1951], ["beyond", 1960], ["void", 1976], ["tell", 1991], ["told", 1991], ["happen", 2009], ["expect", 2028], ["expected", 2028], ["quickly", 2042], ["think", 2054], ["thought", 2054], ["thinkest", 2054], ["occur", 2069], ["occurest", 2069], ["slowly", 2076], ["flip", 2132], ["flipping", 2132], ["switch", 2144], ["switching", 2144], ["overcome", 2155], ["overcame", 2155], ["exhaustion", 2171], ["bed", 2198], ["burrow", 2211], ["burrowing", 2211], ["burrowed", 2211], ["masse", 2227], ["masses", 2227], ["pillow", 2238], ["pillows", 2238], ["blanket", 2251], ["blankets", 2251], ["surrender", 2267], ["surrenders", 2267], ["surrenderest", 2267], ["surrendering", 2267], ["surrendered", 2267], ["deep", 2277], ["deeply", 2277], ["dreamless", 2291], ["slept", 2297], ["sleep", 2297], ["sleeps", 2297], ["sleepest", 2297], ["firm", 2310], ["knock", 2316], ["knocks", 2316], ["knockest", 2316], ["door", 2335], ["unconsciousness", 2369], ["drowsily", 2392], ["stare", 2403], ["stared", 2403], ["thick", 2441], ["thickest", 2441], ["comforter", 2451], ["scoot", 2463], ["toward", 2470], ["edge", 2479], ["edges", 2479], ["dislodge", 2503], ["dislodged", 2503], ["dislodging", 2503], ["drive", 2523], ["driving", 2523], ["floor", 2541], ["tired", 2553], ["form", 2561], ["formest", 2561], ["coherent", 2572], ["stumble", 2593], ["stumbled", 2593], ["jerk", 2616], ["jerks", 2616], ["jerked", 2616], ["open", 2624], ["liam", 2631], ["stood", 2637], ["stand", 2637], ["standest", 2637], ["spare", 2659], ["sweep", 2673], ["sweeping", 2673], ["glance", 2680], ["land", 2695], ["hmph", 2738], ["eloquent", 2756], ["response", 2765], ["blink", 2777], ["blinked", 2777], ["remove", 2796], ["heavy", 2806], ["heavies", 2806], ["heavier", 2806], ["fog", 2810], ["fogs", 2810], ["linger", 2824], ["lingered", 2824], ["long", 2861], ["longs", 2861], ["nap", 2865], ["naps", 2865], ["napped", 2865], ["give", 2877], ["gave", 2877], ["smirk", 2888], ["much", 2895], ["give", 2918], ["given", 2918], ["kiss", 2937], ["kisses", 2937], ["kissest", 2937], ["kissed", 2937], ["oh", 2945], ["kiss", 2956], ["kisses", 2956], ["kissest", 2956], ["blush", 2988], ["blushes", 2988], ["rush", 2995], ["rushed", 2995], ["throat", 3008], ["cheek", 3027], ["cheeks", 3027], ["heating", 3042], ["wake", 3054], ["wakes", 3054], ["woken", 3054], ["cock", 3068], ["cockest", 3068], ["cocked", 3068], ["perfect", 3078], ["perfectest", 3078], ["black", 3084], ["brow", 3089], ["incredible", 3106], ["pale", 3111], ["catch", 3138], ["catches", 3138], ["catched", 3138], ["catching", 3138], ["lit", 3148], ["light", 3148], ["torch", 3174], ["torches", 3174], ["line", 3185], ["lined", 3185], ["hall", 3195], ["halls", 3195], ["dani", 3227], ["word", 3239], ["words", 3239], ["slid", 3244], ["lip", 3258], ["lipped", 3258], ["lips", 3258], ["fluidly", 3266], ["raise", 3277], ["raised", 3277], ["eyebrow", 3293], ["eyebrows", 3293], 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he could tell by the look in his eyes and the smile on his lips . `` lady trizia , good morning ! '' he accentuated vowels . `` here is our financial advisor . '' with gentle kindness not let him know if he was glad to see him or disturbed . and lay down again . `` very well , very well , '' he put the towel folded over his arm that he kept on a sun bed free . `` do you mind if i 'm here under the umbrella next to her ? '' `` please , go ahead `` she closed his eyes behind his glasses with dark lenses . '' he saw that wonderful day ; feels pleasant climate and say that at this hour of the morning we have already thirty- degree heat. `` he talked as if he were selling something of your own ; nevertheless it was a sunny day . this time , however , was showing him . he noticed that in that swimsuit , a little chastened , there was a great body and did not want to have it run . `` we can go around the whole island ; there are many beautiful things to see . '' trizia had not decided anything about it and did not want to commit in advance . `` i think that the agency will arrange , anyway thank you for your concern . '' she was turned over on his back on the bed . `` it 's already been to the beach ? '' `` no , not yet , i intend to go there tomorrow morning . '' her voice was uncertain with the cheek pressed on the cot . the conversation languished , marco realized it . he did not want to play all his cards in a hurry . he was in the company of a lady well , culture . he could get lost in the banal chatter . if he wanted to win his friendship and also , something more had to , prepare better . he looked at his watch ; luckily it was almost time for sludge and decided to leave . `` lady trizia , now i must apologize , but i have an appointment , the sludge make me very well , put me back in perfect shape . '' the scorching sun had already flushed . the skin pale and dull , since the town experienced throughout the year indoors in low light , it was not enough cream high protective power . it was time to go for a swim . she used the shower , washed their feet and put on his headphones . she wanted to dive , but the regulation forbade him , so cleverly dropped for the aluminum ladder placed at the poolside as not to break the toenails . she went into the water and began to swim slowly lying on her back . *** trizia dinner and shooting stars august 10 the afternoon she remained in the apartment . the sun and the bathrooms had exhausted . she had been woken up at six to the sound of barrels and now he felt sleepy . she fell asleep right after lunch and did not get up for the dinner hour . the restaurant was in the building near the central atrium . the round tables were laid with taste . on the tablecloths and napkins damask tone perfectly ironed navy shining silver cutlery and crystal glasses a polished . in the middle of each table was a candle in a lie tiled with painted designs of flowers that recalled the name of the apartment . she recognized the bougainvillea and approached the table ; the waiter pulled a chair and sat her down . the choice of dishes from the daily menu was tempting and the wine list extensive . it was decided for a risotto with seafood and grilled sea bass ; also chose from a list of dry white wines was a wine of ninety , excellent year , according to the sommelier . she completed the meal with appetizers at the table of refreshments , the outline of zucchini scapece and the dessert of strawberries with whipped cream and chocolate cake . she ate of taste and appetite . the sea air and the physical activity they had an appetite . she was the last spoonful of dessert , when the waiter came by with a flute and a bottle of italian sparkling wine of excellent brand . trizia hastened to say that he had ordered , but the waiter , with an almost imperceptible movement of the index in the white glove , pointed it offered the two elderly people across the table . the waiter made it clear that the couple celebrated fifty years of marriage and had wanted to toast with the guests who were sitting at the tables around them . she lifted the cup as a sign of greeting and smiled , she thought , so many years together , a life , but he could not help but remember that her marriage had not survived beyond seven . she would have celebrated fourteen . she remembered with a touch of bitterness . maybe she and duilio would reach a tourist destination for the occasion . things had gone differently . tart expression was in her eyes , when marco came up to his table to invite entertainment on the terrace in front of the sea . it was the night of san lorenzo and everyone expected to see the stars fall . `` the shooting stars , no , '' she said . he narrowed his eyes and stared at him .

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the man was right far too often and she refused to give him yet another victory . she sat back and enjoyed looking out the window and listening to mark and trevor talk back and forth . before the ride had barely started , they were making their decent . `` we 've arrived at my dad 's , '' mark said . `` that really was fast , '' she replied . `` we 've been in the air about thirty minutes . i told you i was taking the scenic route , '' he said smugly . she glared at the back of his head . he sounded far too smug . well he could think she enjoyed the ride but she would n't confirm it to him . that comforted her somewhat . she looked over the lands as they were approaching and was once again awestruck . the house that sat centered made mark 's place look small . it seemed like a castle , with its rising towers and brick exterior . she looked around , expecting to see a moat and drawbridge . she found herself giggling at the image . mark was most certainly a man she could imagine rescuing the princess from a tower . when she thought of money before , she pictured her ex in-laws who were n't good in any shape or form . they used their money to lord over other people and look down on the masses . but they 'd be considered poor compared to the anderson 's . they landed smoothly , much to emily 's relief and mark turned the chopper off . they all climbed out and headed towards the mansion . joseph came out to greet them about half-way there . `` hi little man , did you enjoy the ride ? '' `` it was the funnest thing ever , '' trevor exclaimed . `` most fun , '' emily automatically corrected her son . `` ah mom , '' trevor complained . `` do you want some breakfast before you head off to your new school ? '' `` sure , '' he said and followed joseph up to the house , with emily and mark right behind them . `` how did you enjoy the ride ? '' joseph asked emily . `` she was scared , '' trevor piped in . joseph chuckled , as emily 's face turned red at her son 's statement . `` it 's okay young lady , my son is a bit scary . '' `` thanks dad , '' mark said with a smile . `` you and your brothers would upset your mom all the time with your daredevil ways . i do n't think she got a full nights rest all the years you were growing up . '' `` well who taught us those dangerous things ? '' mark asked , with a pointed look . `` there 's no use in pointing fingers , '' he grumbled and then decided to change the subject . they had a wonderful breakfast at the house and then headed over to the school to get trevor registered . emily was pleasantly surprised by the place . it was large but not overwhelmingly so and the staff was friendly . not one of them seemed to look down on her or her son . if she would 've felt any of them judging her or trevor , she would 've marched right back out the front doors . when they got to trevor 's classroom , jasmine came running around the corner . `` you 're finally here , '' she said and gave trevor a big hug . `` i got to fly with mark . '' `` oh that 's so fun , '' she agreed . they both chatted back and forth , faster than emily could keep up . `` mrs. parson , this is my cousin trevor , '' jasmine said and dragged him over to the teacher . emily stopped what she was doing and looked guiltily over at mark , who had n't even seemed to notice anything was wrong . lucas was chatting with his brother and neither of them made the slightest indication they 'd heard anything . she would have to pull trevor aside later and explain to him mark was just their boss and they were n't related to jasmine . how did you break a young man 's heart though ? maybe it was n't that big of a deal but she did n't want her son to think they were a family and going to live together forever . what would happen to him if they had to move ? she would have to think about what she was doing and what was best for her son . she did n't want to leave but she better make sure trevor knew mark was the employer and not a substitute father . they visited the school for a few hours and got trevor signed up and emily was feeling pretty good about letting him attend . they did have some amazing programs she knew he would n't get from a public school . the field trips alone were spectacular . she 'd definitely volunteer to chaperone . she had n't been to any of the places they talked about . `` we are going school shopping now ; please tell me you can come with us ? '' amy asked her , as they were heading out of the school .

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her vag**a clenched , so achingly empty . morgan arched up . her h*ps moved restlessly . she had never been so aroused in her life . the pain biting into her clamped nipple began to ease as she grew accustomed to the sensation . the sting turned to a pressurized numbness . and jack 's attention to the hard little point in his mouth grew rougher . she cried out , her fingers digging into the table 's black leather and the padding beneath . for a split second , his mouth left her breast . he slapped the flat of his fingers across her mound again . sensation ratcheted through her body . a crescendo of tingles rose in her body like a scream . a pending cli**x bubbled between her legs , and she raised her h*ps in offering again . `` that 's not what you call me , '' he growled . `` sir , '' she panted . `` sir , please ... '' `` i 'll f**k you , but not until i 'm ready . now be quiet before i turn you over and spank your ass . '' his words dashed her hopes for relief . she sank her teeth deep into her lip , trying to hold in a groan of protest . it was soon forgotten as jack returned his teeth to her nipple , nipped down , sucked hard , and groaned . his voice vibrated deep inside her , shooting all the way to her clit . she was on a torture rack of pleasure . amazing sensations piled one on top of the other , smothering anything that resembled thought or dissent . she ached beyond anything she 'd ever dreamed , anything she thought possible . and he had yet to even touch her vag**a , much less penetrate it . then another clamp bit into her other nipple , digging into skin , dredging up even more response . a fireball of pleasure darted straight from her br**sts , down between her legs , adding to the conflagration already burning . if jack touched her there , even once , she feared she would launch like a rocket , no matter how much he demanded she hold it back . the orgasm was huge , so enormous , it would swallow her whole . morgan fought against it , shaking her head in desperation . she gripped the table tighter . the ache just kept building and building . when would it crest ? `` and now those n**ples are a deep , demanding red . beautiful , '' he murmured . every breath was between a pant and a moan when jack uncuffed her wrists and ankles . he helped her rubbery legs to the floor . in passing , she wondered what he had planned , but realized it did n't matter . he would give her amazing pleasure . and sooner or later , he would detonate this awesome ache roiling inside her . willingly , she folded herself into his arms . he dipped her head back and dove into her mouth , devouring . it was a kiss of hunger , a kiss of possession . morgan responded , meeting him halfway , tangling her tongue with his . `` you challenge my self-control , cher , just by being so f**king beautiful and submissive . no one has ever pushed me so hard , so fast , '' he rasped against her throat , then moved up to nip at her lobe . `` i ca n't wait to get deep inside you and open you up to all new pleasures . '' restlessly , morgan shifted her weight from one foot to the other . she could hardly wait for jack to get deep inside of her , too . she hoped now . he spun her around and grabbed the strappy edges of her crotchless panties . the moisture pooling inside her and drenching the delicate fabric gushed out , spreading wetness down the insides of her thighs . `` you 're so juicy , like a sweet ripe peach , '' he praised as he bent her over the table . she whimpered as her clamped n**ples made contact with the surface of the table and a fresh jolt of pleasure-pain screamed down her spine , into her drenched channel . she tensed , wanting to fight , wanting to reach her own hand between her legs and give her cl*t a furious rub until she exploded . instinct told her such an action would bring down enormous punishment . with another moan , she managed to refrain . so beautifully submissive , cher . do you want me to f**k you ? '' morgan did n't even care what she said anymore as long as jack made the ache go away . please ... '' with her feet flat on the floor , jack removed her thong , peeling the damp fabric from her flesh . then he cuffed one ankle at the corner of the table and licked his way up her thigh . closer , closer he strayed to the heart of her ache . she burned , yearned , moaned as his mouth neared her p**sy .

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934], ["word", 949], ["words", 949], ["dash", 956], ["dashed", 956], ["hope", 966], ["hopes", 966], ["relief", 977], ["reliefs", 977], ["sink", 988], ["sank", 988], ["tooth", 998], ["teeth", 998], ["deep", 1003], ["deeply", 1003], ["lip", 1016], ["lipped", 1016], ["try", 1025], ["tryed", 1025], ["trying", 1025], ["hold", 1033], ["groan", 1044], ["groans", 1044], ["groanest", 1044], ["groaning", 1044], ["protest", 1055], ["protestest", 1055], ["soon", 1069], ["forget", 1079], ["forgot", 1079], ["forgotten", 1079], ["return", 1096], ["returnest", 1096], ["returned", 1096], ["nip", 1129], ["nipped", 1129], ["suck", 1143], ["sucking", 1143], ["sucked", 1143], ["groan", 1162], ["groans", 1162], ["groanest", 1162], ["groaning", 1162], ["groaned", 1162], ["voice", 1174], ["vibrate", 1183], ["vibrated", 1183], ["inside", 1195], ["shoot", 1210], ["shooted", 1210], ["shooting", 1210], ["way", 1222], ["ways", 1222], ["clit", 1234], ["clits", 1234], ["torture", 1257], ["rack", 1262], ["pleasure", 1274], ["amazing", 1284], ["sensation", 1295], ["sensations", 1295], ["pile", 1301], ["piled", 1301], ["top", 1312], ["smother", 1338], ["smothering", 1338], ["anything", 1347], ["resemble", 1362], ["resembled", 1362], ["think", 1370], ["thought", 1370], ["thinkest", 1370], ["dissent", 1381], ["ache", 1393], ["ached", 1393], ["beyond", 1400], ["ever", 1421], ["everest", 1421], ["dream", 1429], ["dreamt", 1429], ["dreamest", 1429], ["dreamed", 1429], ["possible", 1461], ["yet", 1478], ["even", 1486], ["evens", 1486], ["touch", 1492], ["touching", 1492], ["much", 1510], ["less", 1515], ["penetrate", 1525], ["penetrating", 1525], ["another", 1543], ["clamp", 1549], ["clamps", 1549], ["bite", 1553], ["skin", 1595], ["dredge", 1606], ["response", 1628], ["fireball", 1641], ["dart", 1660], ["darted", 1660], ["straight", 1669], ["add", 1719], ["adding", 1719], ["conflagration", 1740], ["already", 1748], ["burn", 1756], ["burns", 1756], ["burning", 1756], ["touch", 1774], ["touching", 1774], ["touched", 1774], ["fear", 1809], ["fearest", 1809], ["feared", 1809], ["launch", 1826], ["rocket", 1840], ["rockets", 1840], ["matter", 1852], ["mattering", 1852], ["demand", 1873], ["demandest", 1873], ["demanded", 1873], ["back", 1890], ["orgasm", 1903], ["orgasms", 1903], ["huge", 1912], ["enormous", 1926], ["swallow", 1945], ["swallows", 1945], ["whole", 1955], ["wholes", 1955], ["fight", 1971], ["fightest", 1971], ["fought", 1971], ["shake", 1992], ["shaking", 1992], ["head", 2001], ["desperation", 2016], ["grip", 2030], ["tight", 2048], ["ache", 2059], ["ached", 2059], ["keep", 2069], ["keepest", 2069], ["kept", 2069], ["build", 2078], ["builds", 2078], ["building", 2078], ["crest", 2113], ["demand", 2163], ["demandest", 2163], ["demanding", 2163], ["red", 2167], ["beautiful", 2179], ["beautifulest", 2179], ["murmur", 2196], ["murmurest", 2196], ["murmured", 2196], ["every", 2204], ["breath", 2211], ["breathest", 2211], ["pant", 2230], ["moan", 2241], ["moans", 2241], ["moanest", 2241], ["uncuffing", 2260], ["wrist", 2271], ["wrists", 2271], ["ankle", 2282], ["ankles", 2282], ["help", 2294], ["helpest", 2294], ["helped", 2294], ["rubbery", 2306], ["floor", 2324], ["pass", 2337], ["passing", 2337], ["wonder", 2352], ["wonderest", 2352], ["wondered", 2352], ["plan", 2372], ["planned", 2372], ["realize", 2387], ["realized", 2387], ["give", 2421], ["soon", 2455], ["later", 2464], ["detonate", 2484], ["awesome", 2497], ["roil", 2510], ["roiling", 2510], ["willingly", 2533], ["fold", 2546], ["folded", 2546], ["arm", 2568], ["arms", 2568], ["dip", 2580], ["dipped", 2580], ["dove", 2603], ["devour", 2630], ["devours", 2630], ["devouring", 2630], ["kiss", 2646], ["kisses", 2646], ["kissest", 2646], ["hunger", 2656], ["hungers", 2656], ["hungering", 2656], ["possession", 2679], ["respond", 2698], ["respondest", 2698], ["responded", 2698], ["meet", 2708], ["meeted", 2708], ["halfway", 2720], ["halfways", 2720], ["tangle", 2731], ["tangling", 2731], ["tongue", 2742], ["tonguing", 2742], ["challenge", 2770], ["self", 2778], ["control", 2786], ["cher", 2793], ["submissive", 2845], ["submissives", 2845], ["push", 2870], ["pushed", 2870], ["fast", 2891], ["rasp", 2906], ["rasped", 2906], ["rasping", 2906], ["throat", 2925], ["nip", 2948], ["lobe", 2960], ["ca", 2970], ["cas", 2970], ["wait", 2979], ["waitest", 2979], ["get", 2986], ["open", 3011], ["new", 3029], ["pleasure", 3039], ["pleasures", 3039], ["shift", 3072], ["shifted", 3072], ["weight", 3083], ["weighted", 3083], ["weightest", 3083], ["foot", 3097], ["hardly", 3129], ["hope", 3187], ["hoped", 3187], ["spun", 3201], ["spin", 3201], ["around", 3212], ["grab", 3224], ["grabbed", 3224], ["strappy", 3236], ["edge", 3242], ["edges", 3242], ["crotchless", 3260], ["pantie", 3268], ["panties", 3268], ["moisture", 3283], ["pool", 3291], ["pooling", 3291], ["drench", 3316], ["drenching", 3316], ["delicate", 3329], ["fabric", 3336], ["gush", 3343], ["gushest", 3343], ["gushed", 3343], ["spread", 3359], ["spreading", 3359], ["wetness", 3367], ["inside", 3384], ["insides", 3384], ["thigh", 3398], ["thighs", 3398], ["juicy", 3420], ["sweet", 3435], ["ripe", 3440], ["peach", 3446], ["praise", 3462], ["praised", 3462], ["bend", 3473], ["bent", 3473], ["whimper", 3508], ["whimpering", 3508], ["whimpered", 3508], ["contact", 3544], ["surface", 3561], ["fresh", 3586], ["freshest", 3586], ["jolt", 3591], ["jolted", 3591], ["scream", 3617], ["screams", 3617], ["screamed", 3617], ["drench", 3652], ["drenched", 3652], ["channel", 3660], ["channelest", 3660], ["tense", 3673], ["tensed", 3673], ["fight", 3692], ["fightest", 3692], ["reach", 3711], ["hand", 3724], ["furious", 3769], ["rub", 3773], ["explode", 3792], ["exploded", 3792], ["instinct", 3803], ["tell", 3808], ["told", 3808], ["action", 3827], ["bring", 3839], ["punishment", 3864], ["manage", 3898], ["managed", 3898], ["refrain", 3909], ["beautifully", 3926], ["care", 4003], ["say", 4017], ["sayest", 4017], ["said", 4017], ["anymore", 4025], ["long", 4033], ["longs", 4033], ["go", 4058], ["goest", 4058], ["away", 4063], ["foot", 4093], ["feet", 4093], ["remove", 4126], ["removed", 4126], ["thong", 4136], ["thongs", 4136], ["peel", 4146], ["damp", 4155], ["damps", 4155], ["damped", 4155], ["flesh", 4177], ["fleshest", 4177], ["cuff", 4194], ["cuffed", 4194], ["ankle", 4204], ["corner", 4218], ["lick", 4242], ["licked", 4242], ["thigh", 4263], ["thighs", 4263], ["close", 4272], ["closer", 4272], ["stray", 4292], ["strays", 4292], ["strayed", 4292], ["heart", 4305], ["burn", 4330], ["burns", 4330], ["burned", 4330], ["yearn", 4340], ["yearns", 4340], ["yearned", 4340], ["moan", 4349], ["moans", 4349], ["moanest", 4349], ["moaned", 4349], ["near", 4369], ["neared", 4369]]

`` i 'm sure it was a slip of the tongue . he can quote those texts from memory in italian and english . i just thought it was funny that professor perfect made a very public mistake and no one corrected him . '' `` maybe that was why christa put up her hand . '' she knew that gabriel 's error had been intentional . but she would tell no one , especially not paul . his eyes passed over her admiringly . `` you look pretty today . you always look pretty , but today you 're just - glowing . '' his face morphed into a serious expression . `` i hope i 'm not stepping on your boyfriend 's toes by telling you that . `` well , i can see it in your eyes . you 're obviously glad to be back together with him . after weeks of seeing you sad , i 'm happy that you 're happy . '' `` so why the dress ? '' she peered around the room . `` i did n't know if people dressed up for these occasions . i knew all the professors would be here , and i wanted to look nice . '' `` most academic women do n't care about fashion . '' he shook his head and gently touched her hand . `` i hope your ex treats you right this time . or i 'll have to go to philadelphia and kick his ass . '' at this point , julia was only half-listening as she saw a petite blond professor greet gabriel with a kiss on both cheeks . and you gave me a hard time about paul , professor . i thought we were n't sharing ... paul muttered something under his breath . `` well , the lecture was great . you can see why i came here to work with him . '' paul glanced meaningfully at gabriel . `` but look at them . '' as if on cue , the blond threw her head back and laughed uproariously , while emerson gave her a tight smile . she was less than five feet tall , with flaxen hair that was pulled back tightly into a severe-looking bun . she wore armani glasses that were both squarish and red and an expensive-looking black suit highlighted by a tight pencil skirt that barely grazed her knees . julia noted also that the woman wore black pumps that were very high and fishnet stockings that would have netted only the tiniest of fish . the woman was beautiful , but she seemed rather out of place amongst all of the other professional academics . and there was something about her presence that was decidedly aggressive . `` that 's professor singer . '' the dark-haired woman to her left is professor leaming . you need to meet her . but stay away from singer . she 's a dragon lady . '' julia 's stomach flipped as she watched professor singer grip gabriel 's forearm in a far too familiar fashion , digging her talons into his suit jacket while she stood on tiptoe to whisper something in his ear . his expression remained utterly impassive . `` have you seen her website ? '' you 'd be shocked by what she 's in to . they call her professor pain . '' julia reluctantly dragged her eyes away from the sickening display that was the professors pain and emerson show and began wringing her hands . she wondered if professor pain 's first name was paulina . disgusted by the display , she grabbed her coat and stood up . `` i guess it 's time for us to leave . '' paul chivalrously helped her with her coat . they left their seats and were just about to walk toward the exit when professor martin , the chair of italian studies , caught paul 's eye , motioning him to come over . julia sat back down , fingering her coat buttons as a distraction . gabriel was n't looking at her at all , and from his body language she suspected that he was avoiding her . paul had a brief exchange with the chair before turning around and pointing in her direction . the chair nodded and patted paul on the back . by the time he returned , paul was beaming . `` well , you 'll never guess what that was about . '' julia lifted her eyebrows . `` we 've been invited to the faculty dinner in honor of emerson 's lecture . '' apparently , there 's money in the budget to buy dinner for a couple of graduate students , and the chair decided to invite me . when i told him i was here with you , he invited you to come as my guest . '' `` poor christa is n't on the list . looks like this is your lucky day . '' at that moment , gabriel 's eyes met julia 's from behind paul 's back . gabriel was upset , angry even , and he was shaking his head at her . his eyes flicked over to paul and back to her , and again he shook his head . julia pursed her lips stubbornly .

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2807], ["reluctantly", 2830], ["drag", 2838], ["dragged", 2838], ["display", 2879], ["show", 2925], ["begin", 2935], ["began", 2935], ["wring", 2944], ["wrung", 2944], ["wringing", 2944], ["wringest", 2944], ["hand", 2954], ["hands", 2954], ["wonder", 2969], ["wonderest", 2969], ["wondered", 2969], ["first", 2996], ["firstest", 2996], ["name", 3001], ["paulina", 3013], ["disgust", 3025], ["disgusted", 3025], ["grab", 3054], ["grabbed", 3054], ["coat", 3063], ["guess", 3089], ["left", 3116], ["leave", 3116], ["chivalrously", 3139], ["help", 3146], ["helpest", 3146], ["helped", 3146], ["seat", 3188], ["seats", 3188], ["walk", 3216], ["toward", 3223], ["exit", 3232], ["exited", 3232], ["martin", 3254], ["chair", 3266], ["chairing", 3266], ["study", 3285], ["studies", 3285], ["catch", 3294], ["catches", 3294], ["catched", 3294], ["caught", 3294], ["eye", 3306], ["eyed", 3306], ["motion", 3318], ["come", 3330], ["sat", 3347], ["sit", 3347], ["finger", 3369], ["fingering", 3369], ["button", 3386], ["buttoning", 3386], ["buttons", 3386], ["distraction", 3403], ["body", 3463], ["bodied", 3463], ["language", 3472], ["languaged", 3472], ["suspect", 3486], ["suspected", 3486], ["avoid", 3507], ["avoiding", 3507], ["brief", 3530], ["briefing", 3530], ["exchange", 3539], ["turn", 3569], ["turning", 3569], ["point", 3589], ["pointing", 3589], ["direction", 3606], ["nod", 3625], ["nodded", 3625], ["pat", 3636], ["patted", 3636], ["return", 3679], ["returnest", 3679], ["returned", 3679], ["beam", 3698], ["beaming", 3698], ["never", 3724], ["lift", 3768], ["lifted", 3768], ["eyebrow", 3781], ["eyebrows", 3781], ["invite", 3806], ["invites", 3806], ["invited", 3806], ["faculty", 3821], ["dinner", 3828], ["honor", 3837], ["apparently", 3875], ["money", 3892], ["moneys", 3892], ["budget", 3906], ["budgeting", 3906], ["buy", 3913], ["buyed", 3913], ["couple", 3933], ["graduate", 3945], ["student", 3954], ["students", 3954], ["decide", 3978], ["decided", 3978], ["invite", 3988], 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she refused to turn and watch him . refused to even acknowledge that she wanted to . and a beautiful man you could admire from a distance was one thing , but a beautiful man who periodically waltzed into your office , sat in your chair , and ate your candy bars was another thing entirely . he found her quick enough though . you look ravishing in those yoga pants . she turned , bracing herself . he wore a faded blue columbia t-shirt that outlined his chest and showcased his biceps . his forearms were sprinkled with golden hair and mackenzie stared down at his bare arms . then told herself to get a grip . they were forearms . but she stared at them anyway . maybe it was the novelty . he was always in long-sleeved business shirts and jackets . she looked back up to sparkly green eyes and flashing white caps and raised an eyebrow . are you sure you want to play when youre this pissed ? his smile dropped a centimeter . im not pissed . you look like youre about to sing its a small world . and ive seen that look enough times to know youve just about had it . his eyes stopped that annoying sparkle and his smile dropped another centimeter . did you hit her ? i wasnt even in the same state when she broke her nose . well , thats what i told rob when he tried to guilt me into losing to you . if you were the kind of guy that hit women , you would have hit me a long time ago . and just to let you know , im still going to wipe up with you today . he stared at her for a moment before a grin started . she popped her fists onto her hips . i dont try , i do . and after ive skunked your sorry team im going to frame the score so every time you walk into my office youll remember mr. all-ivy lost to a girl . he mirrored her , leaning in her face just a bit . and once ive won , im going to have it painted on your wall as a reminder that you need to respect your superiors . that would be a matter of opinion , and you would be wrong . he looked her up and down , leaning just a bit closer . ive never had a complaint before . cause i could have sworn i read something just the other day . shes been without awhile , probably going through withdrawal . its a wonder none of your exes have tried to kill you . they just get upset when i wont marry them . they dont really want me dead . and i know my life would be a lot easier if one of them took you out a shocked womans voice interrupted her . mackenzie turned to find not one but two older women staring at her . ethan chuckled and took a step back from mackenzie . mother , grandma , this is mackenzie wyatt . shes the top salesman in the l.a. branch and number one pain in the ass in the whole company . his mother gasped , ethan ! she couldnt get the shocked look off her face but his grandma looked amused . mackenzie didnt need two guesses to know who he took after most . mackenzie glanced at him . im the top salesman in all the branches . any complaints about where i placed you in the other category ? he gestured to the two women . this is my mother , christine oconnor , and my grandmother , ellen oconnor . ellen shook her hand . nice to meet somebody who doesnt fall all over my grandson . its hard , but i manage . ellen thought that was hilarious and slapped her on the shoulder . you any good at softball ? i think ill go make a wager . now , who did you say was taking bets , ethan ? he pointed out john from finance to his grandmother and she grabbed ethans mother . come along , christine . his mother gave mackenzie one last worried glance and then turned away . ethan watched them walk to the stands with a big smile on his face . a real smile , nothing charming about it . he said , i dont think my mother likes you . she looks like shes worried im going to hurt you . shes always been a little protective . he was at least six feet of hard , wily male . on the list of people who needed protecting , he was last . but my grandma really took to you . im pretty sure shes betting on you . the softball game was the main event and the players ate quickly . everyone else wandered around talking , eating , and waiting for the show to start . mackenzie didnt know what they expected . oh , she liked to talk a good game , and she hoped she won so she could rub a certain someones face in it , but the teams were pretty well evenly matched . it would probably come down to luck . most of the time she would bet on her luck , but ethan was a golden boy and had been since the day he was born .

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i caught a whiff of something under the overwhelming stench of voided bowels and leaned over , sniffing . a sweet , pungently fermented scent , like rotted apples . i put a hand under hortense 's shoulder and pulled , rolling her toward me . there was a bottle-empty-under her body . a whiff of it was enough to tell me what it had contained . `` bloody , bloody f**king hell , '' i said , under my breath . desperately ill and with no water to hand , she had drunk applejack , either to quench her thirst or to soothe the pain of the cramps . a logical thing to do-save that alcohol was a diuretic . it would leach even more water from a body that was already seriously dehydrated , to say nothing of further irritating a gastrointestinal tract that scarcely needed it . bloody christ , had she given it to the children , too ? i stooped to the elder child . she was limp as a ragdoll , head lolling on her shoulders , but there was still some resilience to her flesh . a pinch of the hand ; the skin stayed peaked , but returned to normal faster than the baby 's had . her eyes had opened when i pinched her hand . i smiled at her , and brushed the gathering flies away from her half-open mouth . the soft pink membranes were dry and sticky-looking . `` hallo , darling , '' i said softly . and was that going to help ? damn it all ; if only i had been a day earlier ! i heard bree 's hurrying steps and met her at the door . `` i need- '' i began , but she interrupted me . `` mr. macneill 's in the woods ! '' `` i found him on the way to the spring . he's- '' the kettle in her hands was still empty . i seized it with a cry of exasperation . i need water ! '' `` but i-mr. macneill , he's- '' i thrust the kettle back into her hands and shoved past her . `` i 'll find him , '' i said . `` get water ! give it to them-the baby first ! make lizzie help you-the fires can wait ! i heard the flies first , a buzzing noise that made my skin crawl with revulsion . out in the open , they had found him quickly , attracted by the smell . i took a hasty gulp of air and shoved through the buckbrush to where padraic lay , collapsed in the grass beneath a sycamore . i saw that at once ; the flies were a cloud , not a blanket-hovering , lighting , flicking away again as he twitched . he lay curled on the ground , wearing only a shirt , a water jug lying near his head . i knelt by him , peering as i touched him . his shirt and legs were stained , as was the grass where he lay . the excrement was very watery-most had soaked into the soil by now-but there was some solid matter . he 'd been stricken later than hortense and the children , then ; his guts had n't been griping long , or there would be mostly water , tinged with blood . `` padraic ? '' `` mrs. claire , thank the lord ye 've come . '' his voice was so hoarse i could scarcely make out words . `` my bairnies . have ye got my bairnies safe ? '' he raised himself on one elbow , shaking , sweat plastering strands of gray hair to his cheeks . his eyes cracked open , trying to see me , but they were swelled to mere slits by the bites of deerflies . i put a hand on him at once , squeezing to force reassurance into him . `` lie down , padraic . wait a moment while i tend them , then i 'll see to you . '' he was very ill , but not in immediate danger ; the children were . `` dinna mind me , '' padraic muttered . `` dinna ... mind ... '' he swayed , brushed at the flies that crawled on his face and chest , then groaned as cramp seized his belly again , doubling as though some massive hand had crushed him in its grip . i was already running back to the house . there were splashes of water in the dust of the path-good , brianna had come this way , hurrying . amoebic dysentery ? typhoid ? cholera-please god , not that . all of those , and a lot more , were currently lumped together simply as `` the bloody flux '' in this time , and for obvious reasons . not that it mattered in the short term . the immediate danger of all the diarrhetic diseases was simple dehydration .

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she 'd done the right thing by marrying rush . they were deeply in love with each other and if there were a few rocky roads ahead , that was to be expected . they 'd weather those just fine . but lindy did n't sleep that night . the tall waiter handed lindy the oblong menu with the gold tassel . `` this is a pleasant surprise , '' she said , looking across the linen-covered table at her older brother . her relationship with steve had gone much better this past month . he rarely mentioned rush , and she stayed away from the subject of carol . it was n't exactly solid ground they stood on , but stable enough for the two of them to coexist without too many personality problems . the gesture of dinner was a delightful one , and lindy was n't about to refuse . they both needed a break from the humdrum of daily life . these last couple of days steve had been almost like his old self - teasing , joking and laughing . if she had n't known him better , lindy might have been fooled . she toyed with the idea of talking to steve about the doubts that had been haunting her since the ship-to-shore call from rush . she was terribly frightened that she 'd done the wrong thing in marrying him , and she was unsure what , if anything , she could do about it . `` i figure i owe you at least one evening out before i leave , '' steve said as a means of explanation for the unexpected invitation . `` you did n't need to pick the most expensive restaurant in town . '' steve glanced over the top of his menu and shrugged . `` what else have i got to do with my money ? '' `` you could start dating again . '' she offered the suggestion flippantly , not really meaning it . like rush , lindy had recognized almost immediately that her brother was still in love with his ex-wife . `` i could , '' steve answered thoughtfully . `` i know , '' lindy said , understanding perfectly . it was almost as if they were children again , lindy mused - the way his eyes sparkled with mischief and his mouth quirked with a teasing half smile . `` i know you wo n't date again . '' slowly steve set the menu aside , his fingers lingering over the gold tassel . the humor drained out of his eyes . `` the lobster sounds good , does n't it ? '' lindy did n't want to introduce a subject that would embarrass or intimidate her older brother . any mention of carol was taboo and they both knew it . sadly she recognized that talking over her fears about her marriage was n't going to work , either . she did n't know what she 'd tell steve anyway . she was scared to death she 'd married the wrong man , terrified that everything her brother had accused her of was true . her biggest concern was that she 'd accepted rush 's proposal on the rebound and her marriage was based on emotional insecurity . two weeks was n't sufficient time to know a man well enough to commit her life to him . even the regrets rush had prophesied were beginning to come true . there were days when she had to struggle to remember what her husband looked like . a thousand unknowns haunted her . his phone call had only served to remind her how arrogant he could be , and the letters from him that had followed were filled with his angry frustration at not hearing from her . although steve seemed more open than he had been , lindy did n't feel she could discuss her doubts . her brother was struggling with his own problems . `` then lobster it is , '' she said , forcing her voice to sound airy and bright . steve picked up his butter knife and slowly ran the blade down his long fingers . `` i wanted to take you to dinner for another reason , too . '' `` i 'm a rotten cook and another night of my special enchiladas with homemade salsa was more than your stomach could tolerate ? '' `` close , '' steve answered , and chuckled . but his eyes quickly sobered and he lowered his gaze . `` actually i owe you an apology , sis . '' this was a major surprise . `` i was wrong to come down on you and rush the way i did . '' he lay the butter knife down and reached for the salad fork , absently stroking the tines . every mannerism revealed his regret at the way he 'd chastised her earlier . `` if i 'd gone out and handpicked a husband for you , i could n't have found a better man than rush callaghan . '' lindy 's gaze rested on the delicate floral design of the place setting . `` you saw what you wanted , '' steve continued , `` and went after it . it takes a special kind of woman to do that , lindy , and although i 'll admit i had my fears , you 've managed to calm every one of them . ''

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at the rural post office , she rushed to the counter and handed over her slip . the clerk did a double take . `` hey , i seen you on the cover of tattle tale mag . you 're married to that famous author . i want you to know i do n't believe the crap they write , but it sure makes for entertaining reading . me and my friends are bettin ' your marriage will last more than six months . hell , we 're believin ' it 'll last fifty years 'cause somebody needs a happily-ever-after in this life . i sure ai n't found mine . '' tooty gave the woman a little smile and tuned her ramblings out . grabbing her package , she hastened back to her car . she just could n't wait to open it and searched her glove box for her pocket knife . slicing through the wrapping , she held her breath and lifted one of the complementary copies of sweet torment . gently flipping through the pages , she felt overcome with pride for her accomplishment . she 'd wanted to tell miles so many times , but intimidation had held her back . he was such an accomplished writer and she wondered what he 'd think . would he consider her poetry drivel and just say nice things to keep from hurting her feelings . that would be worse than him telling her his true thoughts . returning her attention to the book , she grinned . unless someone did some digging , they 'd never know that tooty townsend had written this collection . thank you annabelle for my pen name , anna belle . when she got home and carried the box into the living room , miles had eli on his lap tickling him and harris was playing with his miniature race cars . miles glanced up and his eyes rested on the box . `` okay , boys , time to chill . in fact , i think it 's eli 's naptime . '' `` what 's in the box , mommy ? '' `` nothing you need to know about right now . '' she took the books to her bedroom and then returned to hoist eli into her arms , `` yep , its naptime . come on , harris , you can read to your brother , but if you start goofing off , i 'm gon na separate you two . `` yes , mom , '' said harris . `` yeth , mommy , '' said eli . tooty settled the boys in their bedroom and then returned to her own room to retrieve sweet torment . her pulse pounded when she walked back to the living room . miles said , `` okay , tooty , the mystery is driving me crazy . '' butterflies swarmed in her stomach . he accepted it , looked it over , and then said , `` anna belle . `` ah , yes and no . '' `` i 've been reading the diary of a woman named annabelle who was born in the 1800s . i only know her through words . '' `` did she write this book of poetry ? '' tooty inhaled slowly . `` noi did . i made her name my pen name . '' miles jerked his gaze from the book to tooty . `` you wrote this ? i guess because you 're so accomplished and-and i-i feel soamateurish . '' as if it were a rare flower , miles fingered the book and slowly flipped through the pages . when he looked up , he said , `` i 'm so proud of you . '' tooty had n't expected that and blinked rapidly against tears . `` i-i need to be alone for a few minutes . '' she rushed from the room and headed toward the quiet spot near the river that she often enjoyed . * * * through the window , miles watched tooty run toward the trees . lovingly , he turned to the first page of her book and started reading . the book was n't long , only forty pages , but it was beautifully written and illustrated . as he read , he fell even more in love with his sweet young wife . he read the last poem and his heart stopped . my bright man his eyes , the color of love paint my soul with living shades he is the shadow of my dreams he knows me as no other will i ever meet him ? chapter 20 : surprises go both ways a week after tooty had shown miles her book , she knocked on his bedroom door and it slid open a crack . he had n't said anything about the last poem in her book , although he 'd been very encouraging about her writing . hesitantly , she peeked inside . `` miles , '' she said softly . a movement out his window caught her attention and she saw him rolling toward the trees . she 'd wanted to ask his opinion on an idea she had about redecorating the boys ' bedroom , but more importantly , she 'd wanted to tell him about receiving her first email from a fan .

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id made my stance on her being anywhere near my family clear , and even after a few attempts on her part we hadnt spoken a word . i was only ever a pawn for her , as was everyone else i loved . it made things difficult for liam , who idiotically still claimed to love her , but i wasnt about to give him all the reasons for my hatred of his wife . i protected him where i could and the rest was up to him . the only person who knew everything was nate . i had a feeling aisling knew too , as the real her was exactly like the alternate reality version of her . although , since she had the real me to imitate it was even funnier to watch her stroll through the house bossing everyone around . my three amazing kids , and their daddy , were what kept me sane as i tried to figure out how to live without rick . i knew how connected nate and i were , but id felt the strong strings that were cut when rick died . a part of me knew that malphas had something to do with some of those strings , but i would never admit it . you must think were total failures , a female voice id only heard a few times said from behind me . id been sitting in ricks room thinking about how long it would take the next year to pass and sharing with him some of the things that hed missed . it was something everyone allowed me to do on the anniversary of his death . i tried to keep my true moping down to only that day , and it turned out it was easier if they just let me do my thing . i didnt bother turning around . she looked too much like her sister and i blamed all three of them about equally for messing up my life . since it was atropos , she was as much to blame as eva . she was the one who had to actually cut ricks thread of life . ive done a pretty good job of keeping your sister at bay between my magic and a handful of jinn boosting my spells . it works to an extent , but on days like today we felt wed push our luck and counter it so i could have a little discussion with you . she didnt move from her spot , which probably kept her from getting a fireball haphazardly thrown her way . i made note of needing to work out a better spell and tried to ignore her . i know youre mad and thats my fault . there had to be a price paid for a miracle and the only thing i could think of was your memory . youd already used it for your own spell , so i thought itd be okay to keep a part for myself . in the grand scheme of things , i still think its a far trade . i didnt want to , but i turned around to face her anyway . she didnt sound like eva in her constant im better than you voice . there was a hint of sorry in her voice , which didnt really help her cause , but i was interested in the words shed been saying . she stood inside the closed door to the room . her white draped dress shifted as if a wind was there to keep it in constant motion . the month youve been missing since you came back . you traded it to me for a favor . most of the time i dont accept any kind of bargains when it comes to my line of work . its one of the reasons i have very little contact with anyone . even uniques like to barter for a few extra years when theyve found a human theyre fond of . what favor did i trade it for ? i didnt bother asking if shed be able to give the memory back to me . id stopped trying to rack my brain for anything i could be missing . i think you already know the answer to that , which is why removing the memory was important . you had to have revenge in your heart when you killed malphas . if you wouldve known the future wed planned out , it wouldnt have worked . i knew one thing for sure after listening to her , she made about as much sense as her sister . i needed them to take out a whiteboard and draw it out for me . before i could ask her to expound on her musings , i heard the doorbell ring . it was a good trade , and i believe youre going to want to go get that . i know you found out about malphas origins and what we did to make sure you didnt meet , but well talk about that another day . right now you have something to celebrate . she disappeared and the door swung open . there wasnt anyone there , but a second buzz of the doorbell moved me into action . if id read the clues right , i was going to do a lot of celebrating . ill get it , i yelled as i flashed to the doorway . i didnt have time for running and charlie was already about to open the door . it was nice having everyone in the house to keep me from wallowing too long , but getting in my way was hazardous to their health . you sure youre okay to greet company , mom ? it looks like youve been crying and i know how much you hate it when people see you crying .

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her mother would have fainted dead away ... even more than she had after seeing the first installment of turn me on . when we split up , he encouraged me to date his roommate , who was a major horn dog . trust me , he was as over me as i was over him . '' jack shrugged , some of the tension leaving his shoulders . `` brent pherson . '' `` the brent pherson drafted by the raiders a few years ago ? '' if you want his vital stats , look them up on espn.com . '' jaw tight , he asked , `` how 'd you meet ? '' `` at a press party . he was doing a reality show about athletes during the off season for the same parent company that airs turn me on . i doubt he 's stalking me . jack scowled , looking decidedly unhappy about that . `` why did you let him f**k you ? '' `` that 's what happened , right ? did you have feelings for him ? '' brent had been built like the side of a mountain and the supposed leader of his football team . he 'd been quiet and seemingly in control . that illusion had drawn her in , along with his good looks . a night had been all she needed to see how insecure and out of control he 'd been . jack stood , approached the bed , towered over her . morgan looked up , past the ridged abs and rippling shoulders that screamed power . having him this near ... it was n't good for her mental health . he was part aphrodisiac , part beast . and she responded way more than she wanted to . `` if you want my help , i need to know your past . it 's not uncommon for previous lovers to turn stalker , since they know where you live , who you 're close to , and may even know some of your friends and can get his information through them . you being modest and treating me like an auditory voyeur is only giving him more time to hunt you down . `` if i did , i would have just sat there in lafayette and let him use me as target practice , '' morgan grated out . `` do you think he followed us here ? did you see anyone follow us on the road ? '' `` no , i do n't think he followed us . we 're dead in the middle of a swamp , so he 'll be hard-pressed to find us . you ca n't afford to underestimate someone like this . '' morgan 's stomach quivered with that truth . `` good , then cooperate . you holding back is tempting me to put you over my knee and spank your ass . '' morgan gaped . `` you 're not touching my ass ! '' `` do n't challenge me , cher . i 'll make those pretty cheeks fire-hot in about three minutes . '' a flame of desire burst to life between morgan 's legs . she closed her eyes , blocking out the sensation , the longing . the rampant curiosity and the ache . `` you 're a pushy bastard , you know that ? '' `` i 'm a dominant man who 's reached the end of my patience with your little-girl games . now , have you spoken to pherson since that night ? '' her temper fired up a notch . he sent me flowers the week after i spent the night with him . he called every few weeks , whenever he was back in town . i just was n't interested anymore . he finally got the picture and stopped calling . '' `` nothing since ? '' he let the subject of brent drop . `` i 'm still not ruling him out . and bachelor number three ? '' `` andrew cummings . he 's about your height . salt-andpepper hair , gray eyes . he just turned thirty-nine . he was the producer for turn me on last year . we started dating shortly after the ... incident with brent . within a month , he asked me to marry him . '' `` you said ... ? '' jack inched forward , crowding her personal space . he was good-looking , cultured , connected , seemed intelligent , and funny . he tensed-mouth , shoulders , abs . `` about ten months ago . '' because andrew 's male ego had been frustrated by her difficulty cli**xing in the bedroom . he 'd seemed so worldly , like a beacon of inner calm in a stormy life , she 'd been sure he would be the man to unlock that something inside her that would set her body and heart free . he 'd tried often ... succeeded rarely . finally , he coaxed her into revealing her deepest desires , the ones that involved her being bound and dominated . thinking it would help them , she 'd bared her soul and even revealed her most secret fantasy : being taken by two men at once . not that she 'd really do any of the things that spun in the deep recesses of her mind . they were just fantasies ... a fact lost on andrew .

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["longing", 2563], ["rampant", 2577], ["curiosity", 2587], ["ache", 2600], ["ached", 2600], ["pushy", 2621], ["bastard", 2629], ["dominant", 2669], ["man", 2673], ["mans", 2673], ["manned", 2673], ["reach", 2688], ["reached", 2688], ["end", 2696], ["ends", 2696], ["endest", 2696], ["patience", 2711], ["little", 2728], ["girl", 2733], ["game", 2739], ["games", 2739], ["speak", 2763], ["spoken", 2763], ["temper", 2807], ["fire", 2813], ["fired", 2813], ["notch", 2824], ["notched", 2824], ["notches", 2824], ["notchest", 2824], ["notching", 2824], ["send", 2834], ["sent", 2834], ["flower", 2845], ["flowers", 2845], ["week", 2854], ["spend", 2868], ["spends", 2868], ["spendest", 2868], ["spent", 2868], ["call", 2899], ["called", 2899], ["every", 2905], ["week", 2915], ["weeks", 2915], ["whenever", 2926], ["town", 2946], ["interested", 2974], ["anymore", 2982], ["finally", 2995], ["get", 2999], ["got", 2999], ["picture", 3011], ["stop", 3023], ["stopped", 3023], ["call", 3031], ["calling", 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he 'd attempted to visit me twice more while i was hospitalized , but i 'd refused to see him . he 'd asked the nurse to deliver a letter to me . i knew if i read it he 'd change my mind , so i 'd asked her to take it away , sight unseen . later the nurse returned and told me brad had been waiting for a reply and she 'd been forced to tell him i would n't read his letter . now it all seemed melodramatic and senseless . i might well have ruined the most promising relationship of my life . `` i can try to talk to brad , but i do n't know if he 'll listen . '' i would n't blame him if he never wanted to see me again . my one hope was that he could n't very well ignore me when he made deliveries to my store . bright and early tuesday morning , i was back in business . i ca n't even begin to explain the thrill it gave me to walk into my shop and turn the closed sign to read open . even the noise from the construction across the street could n't dampen my good mood . reality intruded with a list of instructions from dr. wilson . i was apparently a good candidate for this new drug treatment to prevent the growth of future tumors . my morning was constantly busy as customers streamed into the store , all with questions as to why i 'd been away for most of a week . it turns out that many of them had learned i was back-one person phoned another who called a third , and so forth . i ca n't even describe how gratifying that was . margaret had done her best to be helpful , keeping the store open for part of every day , but my customers were accustomed to dealing with me . margaret seemed to have enjoyed working at the store . as little as three months ago , i could n't have imagined thinking warmly of my older sister . i was deeply appreciative of everything she 'd done for me . at noon , when i had my first lull of the day , i glanced anxiously out the shop windows , hoping for a glimpse of brad . when the big brown truck rolled to a stop in front of the floral shop , i nearly raced out the door . but the ups driver was n't brad . `` where 's brad ? '' the replacement glanced over his shoulder at the abruptness of my question . `` brad is no longer on this route . '' `` what do you mean he 's no longer on this route ? '' it felt as if the sidewalk had started to buckle beneath my feet . i could n't believe brad would do anything as drastic as this . `` brad 's delivering in the downtown area now . '' `` he requested a transfer , did n't he ? '' the ups driver shrugged . i asked , hoping to use the other man to relay a message . he was preoccupied , and i was clearly detaining him , so i returned to my store , my steps dragging . i knew that what i 'd done to brad was wrong . i 'd badly hurt the one person who 'd proved himself to me over and over . all i could do was hope it was n't too late to make amends . chapter 41 jacqueline donovan `` j acqueline . '' her name seemed to come from far away . it was louder this time and she recognized reese 's voice . her eyes flew open and she stared up in the darkness to find her husband standing over her . something drastic must have happened for reese to enter her bedroom in the middle of the night `` paul just phoned-tammie lee 's in labor . '' `` when did a baby ever decide to arrive at a decent hour ? '' he obviously did n't expect a response and she did n't give him one . `` what did paul say ? '' `` just that he 's been at the hospital since ten . '' a quick glance at her clock told her it was nearly five . `` she 's close to delivery , '' her husband finished . jacqueline did n't hesitate . she tossed aside the comforter and automatically reached for her robe . `` you actually want to go to the hospital ? '' reese sounded surprised . he could do as he damn well pleased and , as a matter of fact , had for the last twelve years of their marriage . but nothing he said would keep her away from the birth of her granddaughter . already jacqueline had thrust her feet into her slippers and started toward her bathroom . `` i 'm coming , too , '' reese announced as if he anticipated an argument . he ignored her petulant remark . `` do n't take long , '' he warned . `` from what paul said , it could be any time now . '' in the best of circumstances , that was a stretch , but jacqueline was determined to keep her word . exactly thirteen minutes later , she met reese who sat in the car waiting .

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["routeing", 2188], ["mean", 2213], ["meanest", 2213], ["feel", 2256], ["felt", 2256], ["sidewalk", 2275], ["start", 2287], ["started", 2287], ["buckle", 2297], ["buckled", 2297], ["beneath", 2305], ["foot", 2313], ["feet", 2313], ["believe", 2335], ["anything", 2358], ["drastic", 2369], ["downtown", 2417], ["downtowns", 2417], ["area", 2422], ["request", 2447], ["requestest", 2447], ["requested", 2447], ["transfer", 2458], ["transfering", 2458], ["shrug", 2500], ["shrugging", 2500], ["shrugged", 2500], ["use", 2526], ["man", 2540], ["mans", 2540], ["manned", 2540], ["relay", 2549], ["relays", 2549], ["relayest", 2549], ["message", 2559], ["preoccupy", 2580], ["preoccupied", 2580], ["clearly", 2600], ["detain", 2610], ["detainest", 2610], ["detaining", 2610], ["step", 2653], ["steps", 2653], ["drag", 2662], ["dragging", 2662], ["wrong", 2709], ["badly", 2722], ["hurt", 2727], ["hurts", 2727], ["hurting", 2727], ["prof", 2756], ["prove", 2756], ["proved", 2756], ["late", 2830], ["lates", 2830], ["amend", 2845], ["amends", 2845], ["chapter", 2855], ["jacqueline", 2869], ["donovan", 2877], ["j", 2882], ["jest", 2882], ["name", 2906], ["come", 2921], ["far", 2930], ["loud", 2951], ["time", 2961], ["recognize", 2980], ["recognized", 2980], ["reese", 2986], ["voice", 2995], ["eye", 3006], ["eyed", 3006], ["eyes", 3006], ["fly", 3011], ["flys", 3011], ["flew", 3011], ["stare", 3031], ["stared", 3031], ["darkness", 3050], ["find", 3058], ["husband", 3070], ["husbanding", 3070], ["stood", 3079], ["stand", 3079], ["standest", 3079], ["standing", 3079], ["must", 3113], ["musts", 3113], ["happen", 3127], ["happened", 3127], ["enter", 3146], ["bedroom", 3158], ["middle", 3172], ["middles", 3172], ["middling", 3172], ["night", 3185], ["paul", 3193], ["pauls", 3193], ["tammie", 3212], ["lee", 3216], ["lees", 3216], ["labor", 3228], ["baby", 3252], ["ever", 3257], ["everest", 3257], ["decide", 3264], ["arrive", 3274], ["decent", 3286], ["hour", 3291], ["obviously", 3309], 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the guard posted outside rachel 's door leapt to his feet just as a man dressed in hospital scrubs bolted from rachel 's room and ran straight into the policeman . they both went down and rolled . the assailant landed a punch and scrambled up just as ethan hit him hard , sending them both to the floor . `` i got this , '' sam said harshly as he pried ethan away . `` you see to rachel . '' only the fear of what had happened to her kept ethan from killing the man right there in the hallway . he backed away and ran into the room . her bed was empty , and he glanced wildly from side to side until he located her on the floor , huddled in a corner holding her casted arm to her chest . her hair was tangled , her eyes wild with a heavy glaze of fear . he was n't sure she had any idea where she was . he knelt on the floor beside her and carefully gathered her in his arms . she let out a shudder and started trembling violently . the door flew open and a flood of medical personnel rushed into the room . she went rigid in his arms , and as soon as the nurses got close , she all but crawled behind him . he held up a hand to ward them all off and shot them his most menacing glare . `` no one touches her until you 've been cleared , '' he snarled . sam strode into the door , his gaze going to the floor where ethan sat with rachel . sean 's on his way . is rachel okay ? '' `` clear the room , '' ethan ordered . `` no one comes near her until we know what the hell is going on here . '' `` sir , we need to examine her . we need to reattach her iv , '' one of the nurses protested . ethan opened his mouth , but sam stepped between him and the nurse and put a hand up . `` one of your nurses just tried to kill rachel . no one is going to touch her until they 've cleared security . our security . '' the nurse blanched and backed away . `` the iv , '' rachel said in a faint voice . ethan looked down and touched her cheek . `` the syringe . it 's still sticking in the port . he tried to inject something into the line . '' sam stalked over to the line dangling from the pole and picked up the tubing . a syringe dangled from the port , the needle inserted , the plunger still all the way back . he and ethan exchanged horrified glances . whatever was in that needle had come awfully damn close to being in rachel 's vein . `` you got a glove ? '' the nurse who 'd confronted ethan gestured toward a box on the wall . sam yanked one down and then gestured for the nurses to leave . as they headed toward the door , the police officer who 'd been on guard duty came in . `` hospital security is crawling all over the hallway . i told them to stay out , but they are n't happy . sean 's got an eta of five minutes . '' `` keep them out until he gets here . he can deal with them . '' sam slipped on the glove and carefully withdrew the needle from the port . `` somehow i do n't think i want to stick myself with this , '' he murmured . rachel shuddered against ethan 's chest , and her fingers curled tightly into his shirt . he waited for her to refuse , to tell him she wanted someone else to take her away , but she remained quiet and still against him . he looked up at sam , who still stood staring at the syringe . `` i 'm going to take her to mom and dad 's . i 'll have mom call doc campbell to see if he can come over to see about rachel . i do n't want her here until we know who the hell we can trust . '' `` i 'll stay here until sean shows . he 'll want to come out later to get the story from rachel . i 'll turn this over to him so they can have the lab run it . the a**holes are piling up around here . '' `` castle , '' rachel murmured . `` it 's castle . '' ethan looked down in confusion . `` senator castle , '' she said in a clearer voice . she pushed away from ethan and stared at him with wide , scared eyes . `` he 'll never let me live knowing what i know . '' chapter 40 she could n't get the scene out of her head . it played over and over , the conversation as clear as it had been the day she heard it . the conversation she 'd overheard a year ago was the reason for all the hell she 'd endured since . her arm hurt so bad she wanted to die . sean and several other police officers had descended on the hospital while ethan and sam had immediately taken her to their mother 's house . as a result , marlene 's living room had been turned into an outpost of medical and police personnel .

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1471], ["hells", 1471], ["sir", 1500], ["sirs", 1500], ["need", 1510], ["needest", 1510], ["examine", 1521], ["reattach", 1547], ["reattachs", 1547], ["iv", 1554], ["protest", 1587], ["protestest", 1587], ["protested", 1587], ["open", 1602], ["opened", 1602], ["mouth", 1612], ["mouthed", 1612], ["step", 1630], ["stepped", 1630], ["nurse", 1656], ["put", 1664], ["try", 1709], ["tryed", 1709], ["tried", 1709], ["kill", 1717], ["touch", 1751], ["touching", 1751], ["security", 1787], ["blanch", 1826], ["blanched", 1826], ["faint", 1882], ["voice", 1888], ["look", 1903], ["looked", 1903], ["touch", 1920], ["touching", 1920], ["touched", 1920], ["cheek", 1930], ["cheeks", 1930], ["syringe", 1947], ["syringing", 1947], ["still", 1961], ["stick", 1970], ["stickest", 1970], ["sticking", 1970], ["port", 1982], ["inject", 2003], ["line", 2027], ["stalk", 2044], ["stalkest", 2044], ["stalked", 2044], ["dangle", 2070], ["dangling", 2070], ["pole", 2084], ["poles", 2084], ["pick", 2095], ["picked", 2095], ["tube", 2109], ["tubing", 2109], ["dangle", 2129], ["dangled", 2129], ["needle", 2156], ["needled", 2156], ["needles", 2156], ["insert", 2165], ["inserted", 2165], ["plunger", 2179], ["plungers", 2179], ["back", 2202], ["exchange", 2227], ["exchanged", 2227], ["glance", 2245], ["glances", 2245], ["whatever", 2256], ["come", 2284], ["awfully", 2292], ["damn", 2297], ["damned", 2297], ["vein", 2330], ["glove", 2351], ["gloved", 2351], ["confront", 2384], ["confronted", 2384], ["gesture", 2399], ["gestured", 2399], ["toward", 2406], ["box", 2412], ["boxed", 2412], ["wall", 2424], ["yank", 2437], ["yanks", 2437], ["yanked", 2437], ["left", 2488], ["leave", 2488], ["head", 2505], ["headed", 2505], ["police", 2534], ["officer", 2542], ["officering", 2542], ["duty", 2568], ["come", 2573], ["came", 2573], ["crawl", 2611], ["crawled", 2611], ["tell", 2641], ["told", 2641], ["stay", 2654], ["happy", 2683], ["eta", 2704], ["etas", 2704], ["five", 2712], ["fived", 2712], ["minute", 2720], ["minutes", 2720], ["keep", 2733], ["keepest", 2733], ["get", 2756], ["gets", 2756], ["deal", 2775], ["slip", 2802], ["slipped", 2802], ["withdraw", 2838], ["withdrew", 2838], ["somehow", 2876], ["think", 2891], ["thinkest", 2891], ["stick", 2907], ["stickest", 2907], ["murmur", 2941], ["murmurest", 2941], ["murmured", 2941], ["shudder", 2960], ["shuddering", 2960], ["shudderest", 2960], ["shuddered", 2960], ["finger", 3001], ["fingers", 3001], ["curl", 3008], ["curls", 3008], ["curled", 3008], ["tightly", 3016], ["shirt", 3031], ["wait", 3043], ["waitest", 3043], ["waited", 3043], ["refuse", 3061], ["tell", 3071], ["else", 3099], ["take", 3107], ["remain", 3135], ["remained", 3135], ["quiet", 3141], ["stood", 3203], ["stand", 3203], ["standest", 3203], ["stare", 3211], ["stared", 3211], ["staring", 3211], ["mom", 3261], ["moms", 3261], ["dad", 3269], ["call", 3294], ["doc", 3298], ["campbell", 3307], ["trust", 3419], ["show", 3460], ["shows", 3460], ["later", 3492], ["get", 3499], 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["taken", 4291], ["mother", 4311], ["mothered", 4311], ["motherest", 4311], ["house", 4320], ["result", 4334], ["resultest", 4334], ["marlene", 4344], ["turn", 4375], ["turned", 4375], ["outpost", 4391]]

as before , i could see every strand of color in the iris and the gold flecks stood out in bold relief . he caught my intention and kissed my nose . im not in the mood to watch you puke . he said as he drew me onto his lap . he wrapped his arms around me so i wouldnt fall but then zoned out again . sighing heavily , i put my cheek against his shoulder and watched the snow fall . it was sunday , and we were hanging out at his place . we were alone for now , and the house was completely quiet . the snow was coming down hard and the wind was whistling through the pine trees around the house . the roaring fire in the fireplace paled in comparison to my christmas tree . the beautiful tree was still standing even though it had been three weeks since christmas day . i couldnt imagine taking it down and putting it into a box . surely the box would catch on fire ? how did you put a magical tree out ? sean was asleep . i snuggled against him and closed my eyes too . i was dozing off pretty well when sean started to mumble . the words were indistinct , but the urgency wasnt . i strained to catch another word , but he was quiet again . i gently extricated myself and peered into his face . his eyes were moving under the lids , his breathing shallow . he twisted beneath me and flung an arm out to one side . he mumbled something that sounded like my name . i started to shake him awake . he mumbled , mica ? he wasnt waking up . i tried to shake him by the shoulder again . one big hand caught mine in a death grip . he groaned like a wounded animal , and said clearly , no ! and then he went limp . the dream was gone , but his tortured expression remained . sleep was history for me now so i reached out and stroked his cheek . did you finally kill him ? i jumped and loudly shushed killian who was lounging in the doorway . i didnt hear him come in . did he even use doors ? and you never will unless i want you to . he gave me a smirk and peeled himself away from the doorframe . to answer your question though : about 20 seconds . he asked , nightmare ? hes been having them for a few weeks . ive heard him through the walls . he gestured casually at the wall . at my alarmed look , he added , no , hes not that loud . we all have really good hearing . i can hear beads of sweat running down the back of someone im about to eliminate . he smiled showing his canines . normally i would have laughed , but this wasnt funny . im supposed to be the one with the crazy dreams . hes the not-quite-human one of us so i assumed he didnt dream . the object of my distress suddenly sat up straight and blinked at me and killian . killian said , good , youre awake . you might as well tell us about the dreams now or mica will nag you about it until you do . easier to get it over with . with this statement , he pulled up a chair and sat . sean scowled at both of us , and grumbled , dreams ? youve been having bad dreams , havent you ? killian narrowed his eyes a bit and sat back , looking speculative . i prodded at sean some more until he finally got snippy and stood up . no , he didnt remember having any dreams , and he did not want to talk about it . even when i told him what hed mumbled , he denied it . i was more worried than before and unconsciously fondled my locket . the next day was clear and sunny so we decided to go to vermont for snowboarding . dec wanted to go , but killian decided to send him off on a mission of some kind . so it was just me and sean in the car . we took the ferry across the lake and ended up at stowe . mansfield is only 4,300 feet high but is rumored to have some nice trails . the mountain was totally blanketed in new snow with forests of bare grey trees reaching towards the sky . here and there , an optimistic pine tree raised its face towards the sun . it was starkly gorgeous , and i couldnt wait to jump on my board . i was in the mood for speed today sean better keep up ! i was clipping my lift ticket to my jacket when sean came up with our boards . he scanned the area while i checked my board straps . youve been on high alert since we crossed into vermont . he shook his head slightly , and said , im sensing something but i cant place it . just a feeling i cant explain it . lets go before we lose the daylight . three hours later , i was catching my breath at the top of bypass , one of the double diamond trails we were hitting today . the sun was getting low in the sky . this would be our last run of the day . sean sat on the ground , adjusting his straps .

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1348], ["sounded", 1348], ["like", 1353], ["name", 1361], ["shake", 1382], ["awoke", 1392], ["awake", 1392], ["mica", 1412], ["wake", 1430], ["wakes", 1430], ["woken", 1430], ["waking", 1430], ["try", 1443], ["tryed", 1443], ["tried", 1443], ["big", 1488], ["bigs", 1488], ["hand", 1493], ["mine", 1505], ["death", 1516], ["grip", 1521], ["groan", 1534], ["groans", 1534], ["groanest", 1534], ["groaning", 1534], ["groaned", 1534], ["wind", 1549], ["wound", 1549], ["wounding", 1549], ["wounded", 1549], ["animal", 1556], ["clearly", 1575], ["go", 1599], ["goest", 1599], ["went", 1599], ["limp", 1604], ["limps", 1604], ["limping", 1604], ["dream", 1616], ["dreamt", 1616], ["dreamest", 1616], ["go", 1625], ["goest", 1625], ["gone", 1625], ["expression", 1655], ["remain", 1664], ["remained", 1664], ["slept", 1672], ["sleep", 1672], ["sleeps", 1672], ["sleepest", 1672], ["history", 1684], ["reach", 1708], ["reached", 1708], ["stroke", 1724], ["stroked", 1724], ["finally", 1752], ["kill", 1757], ["jump", 1772], ["jumps", 1772], ["jumped", 1772], ["loudly", 1783], ["shush", 1791], ["shushed", 1791], ["shushes", 1791], ["shushest", 1791], ["killian", 1799], ["lounge", 1816], ["lounges", 1816], ["lounging", 1816], ["doorway", 1831], ["hear", 1846], ["hears", 1846], ["come", 1855], ["use", 1876], ["door", 1882], ["doors", 1882], ["never", 1898], ["unless", 1910], ["unlesss", 1910], ["give", 1934], ["gave", 1934], ["smirk", 1945], ["peel", 1956], ["peeled", 1956], ["away", 1969], ["doorframe", 1988], ["answer", 2000], ["answeres", 2000], ["answerest", 2000], ["question", 2014], ["second", 2040], ["seconded", 2040], ["seconds", 2040], ["ask", 2051], ["asked", 2051], ["nightmare", 2063], ["nightmares", 2063], ["hear", 2114], ["hears", 2114], ["heard", 2114], ["wall", 2136], ["walls", 2136], ["gesture", 2150], ["gestured", 2150], ["casually", 2159], ["wall", 2171], ["look", 2192], ["add", 2203], ["added", 2203], ["loud", 2228], ["really", 2249], ["good", 2254], ["hearing", 2262], ["bead", 2281], ["beads", 2281], ["sweat", 2290], ["run", 2298], ["running", 2298], ["back", 2312], ["eliminate", 2345], ["smile", 2357], ["smiled", 2357], ["show", 2365], ["showing", 2365], ["canine", 2377], ["canines", 2377], ["normally", 2388], ["laugh", 2409], ["laughed", 2409], ["funny", 2432], ["suppose", 2446], ["supposed", 2446], ["crazy", 2475], ["dream", 2482], ["dreamt", 2482], ["dreamest", 2482], ["dreams", 2482], ["quite", 2502], ["human", 2508], ["assume", 2531], ["assumes", 2531], ["assumed", 2531], ["object", 2559], ["objected", 2559], ["objecting", 2559], ["objectest", 2559], ["distress", 2574], ["distressed", 2574], ["distressest", 2574], ["suddenly", 2583], ["sat", 2587], ["sit", 2587], ["straight", 2599], ["blink", 2611], ["blinked", 2611], ["may", 2677], ["mays", 2677], ["mayest", 2677], ["might", 2677], ["tell", 2690], ["nag", 2731], ["nags", 2731], ["nagged", 2731], ["easy", 2766], ["easier", 2766], ["get", 2773], ["statement", 2808], ["pull", 2820], ["pulled", 2820], ["chair", 2831], ["chairing", 2831], ["scowl", 2854], ["scowls", 2854], ["scowlest", 2854], ["scowling", 2854], ["scowled", 2854], ["grumble", 2883], ["grumbles", 2883], ["grumbled", 2883], ["bad", 2916], ["narrow", 2955], ["narrowed", 2955], ["bit", 2970], ["bits", 2970], ["look", 2993], ["looking", 2993], ["speculative", 3005], ["prod", 3017], ["prods", 3017], ["get", 3056], ["got", 3056], ["snippy", 3063], ["remember", 3101], ["rememberest", 3101], ["talk", 3149], ["tell", 3177], ["told", 3177], ["deny", 3210], ["denied", 3210], ["unconsciously", 3264], ["fondle", 3272], ["fondles", 3272], ["fondled", 3272], ["locket", 3282], ["lockets", 3282], ["next", 3293], ["clear", 3307], ["clearest", 3307], ["sunny", 3317], ["decide", 3331], ["decided", 3331], ["go", 3337], ["goest", 3337], ["vermont", 3348], ["snowboard", 3365], ["snowboarding", 3365], ["dec", 3371], ["send", 3414], ["mission", 3435], ["kind", 3448], ["car", 3488], ["take", 3498], ["took", 3498], ["ferry", 3508], ["ferrying", 3508], ["across", 3515], ["lake", 3524], ["end", 3534], ["ends", 3534], ["endest", 3534], ["ended", 3534], ["stowe", 3546], ["mansfield", 3558], ["foot", 3577], ["feet", 3577], ["high", 3582], ["rumor", 3597], ["rumored", 3597], ["nice", 3615], ["trail", 3622], ["trails", 3622], ["mountain", 3637], ["totally", 3649], ["blanket", 3659], ["blanketed", 3659], ["new", 3666], ["forest", 3684], ["forests", 3684], ["bare", 3692], ["grey", 3697], ["reach", 3712], ["reaching", 3712], ["towards", 3720], ["sky", 3728], ["optimistic", 3761], ["raise", 3778], ["raised", 3778], ["sun", 3803], ["suns", 3803], ["sunned", 3803], ["starkly", 3820], ["gorgeous", 3829], ["wait", 3850], ["waitest", 3850], ["jump", 3858], ["jumps", 3858], ["board", 3870], ["boarding", 3870], ["speed", 3900], ["speeding", 3900], ["today", 3906], ["well", 3918], ["wells", 3918], ["keep", 3923], ["keepest", 3923], ["clip", 3943], ["lift", 3951], ["ticket", 3958], ["jacket", 3971], ["jacketed", 3971], ["come", 3986], ["came", 3986], ["board", 4005], ["boarding", 4005], ["boards", 4005], ["scan", 4018], ["scans", 4018], ["scanning", 4018], ["scanned", 4018], ["area", 4027], ["check", 4043], ["checked", 4043], ["strap", 4059], ["straps", 4059], ["alert", 4086], ["alerted", 4086], ["cross", 4103], ["crossing", 4103], ["crossed", 4103], ["shake", 4127], ["shook", 4127], ["head", 4136], ["slightly", 4145], ["sense", 4169], ["sensing", 4169], ["feeling", 4216], ["explain", 4231], ["let", 4241], ["lets", 4241], ["lose", 4259], ["daylight", 4272], ["hour", 4286], ["hours", 4286], ["later", 4292], ["catch", 4309], ["catches", 4309], ["catched", 4309], ["catching", 4309], ["breath", 4319], ["breathest", 4319], ["top", 4330], ["bypass", 4340], ["bypassed", 4340], ["bypassest", 4340], ["double", 4360], ["diamond", 4368], ["hit", 4391], ["hitting", 4391], ["get", 4419], ["getting", 4419], ["low", 4423], ["lowed", 4423], ["last", 4459], ["run", 4463], ["ground", 4499], ["adjust", 4511], ["adjusting", 4511]]

when stonemason quinn leary returns after seventeen years , he has one desire : to prove his father 's innocence of a terrible crime committed when quinn and olivia bennett , town princess , were high-school rivals . class does n't matter now but family loyalties do , and they 're fierce enough to threaten the newfound passion between two equals . select here to read an excerpt from keepsake . a month at the shore `` an addictive , captivating story of love , family and trust . '' romance reviews today laura shore has fled her humble past on cape cod and made a name for herself on the opposite coast . but when she returns and joins forces with her two siblings to try to save shore gardens , the failing family nursery , she finds that she has n't left the past behind at all . kendall barclay , the town 's rich son and her childhood knight in shining armor , lives there still , and his hold over laura is as strong as ever . like a true knight , he 's attentive , courteous , and ready to help -- until a discovery is made that threatens the family , the nursery , and laura 's deepening relationship with him . select here to read the prologue of a month at the shore . by the sea , book two : amanda `` a quality novel [ that ] contains many of those little epiphanies , those moments of recognition . '' providence journal marrying american money to an english title is a tradition of its own ; but amanda fain , a brash heiress with money to burn , has a fondness for bolsheviks and bootleg liquor that makes her an unlikely match for the reluctant , ironic , and impoverished english aristocrat geoffrey seton , who has been ordered to america to find someone who can pay the bills for the family estate back home . by the sea , book three : laura `` a quality novel [ that ] contains many of those little epiphanies , those moments of recognition . '' providence journal while the great depression grinds relentlessly on , laura andersson , a midwestern farm girl with an improbable love of the sea , embarks on a bold adventure that promises riches but delivers passion , one that threatens all she holds dear . embers `` a deft blend of mystery and romance sure to win more kudos '' publishers weekly to meg hazard , it seemed like a good idea at the time : squeezing her extended family into the back rooms of their rambling victorian home and converting the rest of the house into a bed and breakfast in the coastal town of bar harbor , maine . paying guests are most welcome , but the arrival of a chicago cop on medical leave turns out to be both good news and bad news for meg and the inn between . a charmed place `` buy this book ! a truly fantastic read ! '' suzanne barr , gulf coast woman usa today bestselling author antoinette stockenberg delivers an original and wonderfully romantic story of two people -- college lovers separated for twenty years -- who have the chance to be happy together at last . but family , friends , an ex-husband , a teenaged daughter and an unsolved murder seem destined to keep the lovers star-crossed , until dan takes up residence in the cape cod lighthouse , with maddie 's rose-covered cottage just a short walk away ... dream a little dream `` a truly wonderful modern fairy tale `` kristin hannah , new york times bestselling author three generations under one turret : from bestselling author antoinette stockenberg comes a witty , modern fairy tale of romance and family and ghostly star-crossed lovers . beyond midnight `` full of charm and wit , stockenberg 's latest is truly enthralling . '' publishers weekly in 1692 , salem , massachusetts was the setting for the infamous persecution of innocents accused of witchcraft . three centuries later , little has changed . helen evett , widowed mother of two and owner of a prestigious preschool in town , finds her family , her fortunes , and her life 's work threatened all because she feels driven to protect the sweet three-year-old daughter of a man who knows everything about finance but not so much about fathering . sand castles `` a riveting story of selfishness , betrayal , and love that readers will find hard to put down . '' library journal wendy hodene thinks she has it all : a charming husband , a great kid , a house that she loves ( even if it does n't have enough closet space ) , and family nearby . and then her husband manages to win a multi-million-dollar lottery , kicking off a tidal wave that sweeps all of her assumptions into the sea like castles in the sand . the man she thinks she knows becomes a virtual stranger , and the stranger she hardly knows at all is the reason why . tidewater `` a spellbinding thriller that is both intense and riveting . '' romantic times newly married to a man of wealth and reputation who 's very willing to be stepfather to her child , sara bonniface would seem to have all she 's ever wanted .

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alexandra nodded in response to that and they walked on for a while in silence , regarding all the guests and admiring the various gowns . `` my son 's a great admirer of yours , you know , '' isabella suddenly said . `` to the point where one can not help but wonder if there are other feelings at play . '' alexandra felt slightly uncomfortable at that statement . she liked the duchess a great deal and wished to be friends with her-she did not want to lie to her . `` i 'm afraid i may have wounded him deeply . '' `` ah , so i 'm correct then . do you mind if i speak plainly ? '' `` indeed , i would encourage you to do so . '' `` well then , it 's my impression that you 're just the sort of woman who would make an excellent wife for michael . i wish for you to know that you have my blessing and my support , should the two of you decide to marry . '' `` and you know this from speaking to me for a mere five minutes ? '' alexandra asked with a significant amount of shock . `` of course , i know a great deal of you from michael , but yes , i know my son and what his needs might be in a life companion . you fit the type so extraordinarily well . '' michael needs someone with whom to spar , so to speak . he needs a wife who 'll not only speak her mind but also who 'll be brutally honest with him . he needs not only a challenge but an intelligent and adventurous woman or he 'll tire of the marriage in no time . now , if you 've wounded him as deeply as you say , then your reason for coming here this evening and having to face him can only mean you 're ready for the chase . '' alexandra admitted . `` i 've come because i 've realized how wrong i was to run from him . i love him more than i would ever have imagined loving anyone . '' `` then by all means , '' isabella told her gently and with a warm smile . `` do n't let me keep you at my side . you must go and find his lordship immediately so that all may be resolved . '' taking her leave of the duchess , alexandra began winding her way through the crowd in search of michael . without any luck , she eventually decided to get a breath of fresh air before diving back in . four sets of french doors stood open , and the cool breeze beckoned for her to abandon the heated ballroom . she 'd taken no more than a couple of steps before she saw him standing before her . he was just as handsome as she remembered him , if not more so , but then her eyes registered someone else-a beautiful dark haired woman whom he held firmly in his embrace . `` you know , i love you right ? '' the woman said , just as michael replied , `` i love you too . '' alexandra 's world came to a screeching halt . her mouth fell open in order to scream or shout or say something ... but no words would come . and her feet remained frozen to the ground . she wanted to run as fast as her feet would carry her , but she could not move . this had to be her worst nightmare come to life-worse even than ryan catching her with her hand in the proverbial cookie jar . michael had seen alexandra arrive about an hour earlier , but had chosen to stay back for a number of reasons . for the past week , he 'd been hoping she 'd take the bait and come to him . after all , she 'd never attended a seasonal ball before , so what reason would she possibly have for attending this one that happened to be hosted by his parents , unless it was to see him ? she knew he would be there , and she had come . nothing made him happier , and nothing filled him with more hope than when she 'd finally made her entrance . of course , he 'd been a nervous wreck by then , because of how late she 'd been , but when he finally saw her ... oh how he longed to wrap her in his arms , to whisper words of endearment in her ear and to kiss those kissable lips . but then he 'd seen the eager men rushing to her side , and he 'd restrained himself . alexandra had never had any gentlemen callers or admirers before , she 'd never been appreciated by men for her beauty ... surely it would n't hurt to allow her to bask in all the attention a little . and if she did choose to push them all aside in favor of him then ... well ... it could only mean that she really loved him , could n't it ? so he 'd found himself a glass of champagne and ventured out onto the terrace only to find his sister , cassandra , crying quietly to herself in a corner . he 'd asked as he 'd carefully approached her . `` oh , michael , it 's no use . i do n't believe i 'll ever marry .

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he saw the look on my face and his expression softened . im sorry , hun , i shouldnt take this out on you . i wasnt even supposed to say what i just did . he was supposed to tell you himself i didnt ask tyler anything else . i helped them get cale into the bed in the back after that and was with him when he finally woke up . i wasnt sure what cale was going through that meant he was pulling this crap again , but i told myself no matter what , that he was my best friend and boyfriend . when he was ready to come clean about whatever it was that was eating at him , he would . i wasnt sure how much longer i could wait though . ever since phoenix , hed been trying to swoon me and buy me flowers practically every day . we stayed in a hotel and straight after a show . we spent all night long re-exploring each other in the most intimate ways . the way his fingers gracefully touched my skin made my insides bubbly . despite all of the madness around up , cale had still found a way to make me feel special when it was just the two of us all alone . but outside of the bedroom , something was eating away at him . before stage , he would have his hands constantly stuffed into his pockets , trying to avoid looking at me . by the time we arrived in denver , i had decided enough was enough . regardless of how i felt when we were alone and how much i loved him , he needed to finally tell me the truth or calm down those tantrums . i couldnt handle it much longer . he looks sick , gina whispered to me as we just got done having lunch at a local sub shop in downtown denver . did he hit his head or something when he passed out last week ? he hasnt said anything was wrong but its a complete bullshit lie if you ask me . i groaned , sitting so my elbows rested on my knees as we sat on the bench outside . one minute , were alone and he treats me like a damn princess , but the nexti cant even explain it . do you think he might be using drugs , bryn ? i shot the thought down . there was no way cale would do drugs . hed told me before he was deathly afraid of needles , minus the times he had gotten a tattoo . he couldnt bewe would know , right ? but even raptors been wondering about cale , and whenever were together , he never brings it up , gina said . it could explain the mood swings though . i had no idea what to believe . but if he is , you would think he would at least want to get help i assumed . my phone started vibrating in my pocket just as i was about to finish what i was going to say . not bothering to look at the number , i answered . hello , this is bryn . bryn michelle , you finally decide to take our calls . my body froze and my mouth became dry . i knew that cruel , frigid tone from anywhere . it was the one i had anticipated on never talking to for a very long time . what do you want , mother ? you sent my own brother after me to hurt me , what could you possibly have to say now ? i take it you have not heard the voicemail from a few weeks back ? even the way this woman asked questions gave me bad chills . of course i got that voicemail , i wanted to say . yeah , you claimed you loved me . i find that especially hard to believe , i said in return . gina and bethany pointed down the street to a gift shop and i waved them off . they didnt need to hear me arguing with my mother . after everything your father and i have done for you ? you seem to forget , child . i brought you into this world . we wanted you back home with us because youre not supposed to be living this whole fantasy lifestyle . truthfully , your father misses you . we have fought back and forth about how to bring you home , and thought brayden might have done the trick . my mind wasnt ready for all of this shit with my mom . anger clouded my judgment and i was pretty close to going off on her at any second . but instead he tries to kill my friends and in the end himself ? how would that have worked , mother ? because that just makes you look stupid . theres no way i wouldve went home then or now . she let out a shrill laugh that made me cringe . youll get your dreams shattered and heartbroken and no one will be there to pick up the pieces fuck you , you evil woman , i spat back , hanging up before she could respond . who knew that a few minutes of conversation would set the tone for the rest of the day ? i could feel tears welling up in my eyes , but i refused to cry . i had cried so many nights because i felt trapped by my parents , trapped by my life , and i was finally happy and doing things i never thought i would do .

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they 're about to do something . `` just a min- '' `` what are you two doing ? '' a scratchy female voice snapped . in my haste , my camera slapped against the window glass with a loud clang . an elderly woman wearing her bathrobe and rollers stood in front of us , her hands on her hips . her wrinkled eyes were narrowed and her lips were pulled taut . my heart almost leapt out of my chest . i stood frozen , not knowing what to say , not knowing what to do , only knowing that at any moment jonathan and nora were going to come sprinting out of that house . the old woman called . `` nora , get out here . you got peepers . '' `` run , '' royce shouted . he grabbed my wrist and we took off in a mad dash . i was hooting with my own half hysterical , half disbelieving laughter as i grabbed my hat to keep it from flying off my head . my belly bounced up and down with every step . we jumped into the car-which he 'd wisely left running- and peeled out , the tires squealing all the way down the street . from the rearview mirror , i watched jonathan and nora stop abruptly in front of the old woman , who was pointing in our direction . too close , '' i panted . another chuckle slipped out . my blood was pumping at lightning speed , and my breath emerged ragged and shallow . royce 's smile grew wider . `` did you get the evidence you wanted ? '' they were doing some sick , pre-sex ritual , i think . five more minutes and i would 've nailed him . '' royce shook his head , causing his fake beard to fall and hang at one side . `` maybe he 's not cheating . '' `` not cheating ! '' i lost all traces of humor . `` what was he doing at that woman 's house , then ? why did he lie to my mom about his whereabouts ? '' `` okay , he 's cheating . want me to beat the shit out of him ? '' i plopped against the seat rest . on the way home , we stopped at the printer and dropped off the invitation . we received several odd looks because of our attire . `` it 'll be ready for your approval when you return from florida , '' i told royce . we arrived at my apartment soon after , and he walked me to my door . i was eager to load the pictures onto my computer and see if there was something in them i had missed at the scene . `` naomi , '' royce said , an odd note in his voice . i was just about to insert the key in the lock , but i stopped and turned to him . he 'd removed the beard and his lips were slightly lifted at the corners . i loved- no , hated-loved-hated the way his scent and heat surrounded me every time he was near . `` i 'll miss you while i 'm gone . '' i 'd miss him , too . he made me laugh , made me ache , made my hormones spike . he made me crazy , made me ache , made me feel so wonderfully alive . he confused me , made me ache , branded me , made me ache . did i mention he made me ache ? he leaned down and lightly brushed his lips over mine . the kiss was soft and sweet and oh , so tender . filled with promise . i shivered , desperately craving more . maybe ... maybe i 'd just invite him in and show him my bedroom . i mean , saying goodbye properly would be okay . if i did n't allow myself to linger in his arms afterward , surely my emotions would be safe . i 'd already decided to sleep with him again . i could n't remember , i 'd changed my mind so many times . my fingers fisted around the fabric of his shirt , and i opened my mouth to ask him if he wanted to stay . `` i 'm dying to have you again , '' he said , cutting off my words , `` but i 'm going to wait until you realize this is n't a sexual relationship . this isn't-what did you call it ? an unemotional fling . '' `` i want your affection . you do n't have to worry about me , '' he said . there is n't a woman out there who compares to you on any level . i 'm not going to be with someone else while i 'm gone . i 'm not going to have a one-night stand or any type of sexual relationship in florida . '' dare i admit , desperately ? `` it 's called trust , baby , and you 're just going to have to give me yours . think about that while i 'm gone . '' he left me standing there , my fingers tracing my lips , his heady , intoxicating words ringing in my head .

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i was taken hostage along with all the other people who just happened to be in that same wrong place at the same wrong time . `` but with mendoza , or tristan , or whoever the hell he really is , it was personal . i could n't believe that i was being singled out when i 've made it a practice to do my job quietly and without a fuss . i guess that 's what i find so disturbing and why it upsets me so much . i 've never had anything like this happen , and i still do n't understand why he did it . a man who has his kind of power and money could have hired the best darn physician money could buy . guys like that do n't want a backwoods doctor who dispenses free medical care to the poverty stricken . and as i said , i 'm not a woman who stops traffic , so i do n't understand why he fixated on me . was it convenience ? proximity ? i just happened to be in the area and he said , what the hell , she 's a doctor , i 'll take her ? '' steele put a finger over her lips and then rubbed soothingly . `` maybe we 'll never know . you ca n't make yourself crazy trying to understand how crazy people think . but as for you not stopping traffic ? got news for you . i 'd definitely notice you in a crowd . '' she flushed a delicate pink , color blooming in her cheeks . she bit into her bottom lip until he thumbed it to free it , and he softly pushed back so she was n't damaging the tender skin . `` so what do we do , steele ? '' `` i know this is n't what you wanted to hear . i know neither of us planned on it . it may not have happened the way we wanted , but i do n't regret it now . i would n't go back and undo my pregnancy . this baby is a part of me . i 'll do anything in the world to protect this child . '' he weighed her words , still processing the shock of discovering his impending fatherhood . `` what we do '' -he began slowly- '' the very first thing we do is ensure your health and well-being and that of our child . you 've had a very stressful few months , and even if caldwell did n't harm you physically , the strain wore you down . we need to make sure you 're healthy , the baby is healthy and that you both get the care you need . you 'll stay here with me where i know you 're safe . this changes everything , maren . i do n't know what your plans are or if you 've even thought about it yet . did you want to go back in the field so soon ? '' `` if it were just me and i did n't have a child to consider , i 'd take another assignment . i would n't allow some crazy bastard to dictate my life or make me so afraid that i could n't do my job . it 's more than a job , steele . it 's a calling . i do n't know if you understand that , or maybe you think i 'm nuts . '' mine is kgi and our missions . i do n't think you 're nuts any more than i think i am for what i do . we both help people . `` thanks for that , at least . and to answer your question , i do n't know . you 're right in that my pregnancy changes everything . changes my priorities . i 've lived out of the country for so long and i do n't have an actual place i call home here . i could stay with my parents until i figure it all out and until after the baby 's born . '' there were a lot of problems with that scenario . apart from the safety issues , he did n't want her away from him . he wanted to be a part of this pregnancy . he wanted to be there when his child came into the world . and he could n't very well do that if she lived states away . her gaze was focused on him , her blue eyes inquiring . `` i do n't want you miles away from me , '' he said bluntly . `` i may not have planned this any more than you did , but i want to be a part of my child 's life , maren . i want to see you get bigger . i want to feel him or her kick inside you . i want to see the sonogram pictures . and i damn sure want to be there for the birth . there 's no reason for you to do it alone . because i 'll be there . her eyes widened , but he saw relief there . had she wanted him with her ? had she been afraid he would n't want to be a part of his child 's life ? `` i 've said what i want , '' he continued . `` but we have n't talked about what you want . '' `` i want you with me , '' she whispered . i mean , i know this was a huge bomb to drop on you .

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there was a buzz of people talking , then her mother 's voice , clear as day , there ! rand ; she 's coming . ruby could n't have been more than five years old , a scrawny , puffy-cheeked kindergartner dressed in ragged pink tutu . she twirled and swirled drunkenly across the stage , her toothpick arms finding all kinds of awkward angles . -oh , rand , she 's perfect -hush , i 'm trying to concentrate onstage , ruby executed an uneven spin and sank into a curtsy . applause thundered . the picture went dark , then stuttered back to life . this time they were down at the beach . caroline , in a skirted one-piece bathing suit , was splashing in the ankle-deep water , laughing . ruby was wearing a bikini ; her belly poked out above banged-up stick legs . her mother was sitting in the sand , looking through a plastic bucket full of shells and rocks . ruby ran over to her and stamped a foot down beside the bucket . mom leaned over and fixed a strap on her saltwater sandals , then pulled a wiggly , laughing ruby into her arms for a kiss . ruby slid off the arm of the sofa and landed on the soft , threadbare cushion . her whole childhood played out in front of her in staccato , black-and-white images accompanied by the sounds of children laughing . how was it she 'd forgotten how much they 'd laughed ... or how regularly her mother had hugged and kissed her ? she 'd remembered the feel of riding on her dad 's strong shoulders , of seeing the world from way up high , but not the gentle pressure of her mother 's kiss . she was seeing it . there was no way to keep her distance from this . there was dad , twirling ruby around and around in a circle ... and mom , teaching ruby how to tie her shoe ... a rainy halloween with two princesses skipping hand in hand up to the smithsons '' front door ; carrying pumpkin-headed flashlights ... the snowy christmas morning when ruby had gotten a guinea pig from santa ... mom and dad , dancing in the living room of this very house , the picture blurry and bouncing from a camera held in a child 's hands ... by the time the final bit of film flapped out of the reel and the screen went blank , ruby felt as if she 'd run a ten-mile race . she was unsteady as she turned off the camera and hit the lights . her mother ( nora , she reminded herself ) sat hunched in her wheelchair ; hands drawn into a tight-fisted ball in her lap . tears glistened on her cheeks and lashes . she caught ruby 's gaze and tried to smile . at the sight of her mother 's tears , ruby felt something inside of her break away . `` you and dad looked so happy together . '' nora smiled unevenly . `` we were happy for a lot of years . and then ... we were n't . '' `` you mean you were n't . i saw what it did to him when you walked out . believe me , he loved you . '' `` rand would have stayed with me forever ; you 're right about that . just as he 'd vowed to do . '' `` he would have stayed because he loved you , not just because he 'd promised to . '' `` ah , ruby ... there 's so much you do n't know . your dad and i have a ... history that 's ours alone . no child can judge her parents ' marriage . '' `` you mean you wo n't tell me why you left him . '' `` beyond saying that we were unhappy ? ruby wanted to be angry , but in truth , she was too battered . the movies had hurt so much she could n't think straight . for the first time in years , she 'd seen mom . `` i had forgotten you , '' ruby said softly , closing her eyes . `` i 've never dreamt of you or had a single childhood memory with you in it . '' when ruby opened her eyes , she saw that her mother was crying , and it made ruby uncomfortable , as if she 'd done something wrong . it was crazy to feel that way , but there it was . strangely , she did n't want to make her mother cry . `` but tonight i remembered the locket you gave me on my eleventh birthday . the silver oval that opened up . i kept a picture of you on one side and dad and caro on the other side . '' nora wiped her eyes and nodded . ruby got up , went to the fireplace . shestared at the pictures of caroline 's family . when she reached up and touched her own bare throat , she felt the phantom locket . she 'd been sixteen the last day she 'd worn it . it had been a hot , humid day in the second week of august . ruby and caroline had refused to go school shopping .

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maybe he should run off with savannah , too . that would put the ex at bay . of course , if they did that , they 'd have to bring todd along , because it would be dirty pool to run off with todd 's momma without making sure the kid did n't have any deep-seated objections . so , okay , they could n't run off . but they would figure something out . he was feeling almost optimistic as he took the porch steps two at a time . he did n't find savannah in the kitchen . miriam was in the parlor , watching a soap opera , and did n't exactly know where savannah was . hell , aunt mim did n't sometimes know where her own self was these days . his optimism slipped a little . he climbed the stairs and found savannah in her bedroom . she was standing by the bay window staring out at the big live oak in the front . her gaze was a little unfocused . no one had to tell him he was a day late and a dollar short . while he 'd been thinking things through , everything had changed . she turned from the window with an expression on her face that might have been a smile . but it was n't happy . her gaze lingered on him for a moment , and then moved to the doorway he 'd come through , and then down to the carpet . but he could read the words on her face . she was going to say good-bye . like every damn person in his life , she was going to leave . but it was costing her . at least he could see that in her face . she hesitated as if she did n't want to say the words . as if she wanted to spare him the pain . and then a big tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek , and he had to stop himself from crossing the room and holding her tight and speaking of love . it was hard enough without laying himself open . god help him , he wanted to lock the door and keep her inside . he had never been able to keep the people he loved from saying good-bye . he was n't good enough , or strong enough , or important enough to hold them . he did n't need to ask . she brushed the tear away from her cheek . he did n't need to know why . people always left . there was always a good reason why someone could n't stay . and the only way to survive a thing like this was to pretend it did n't matter . `` well , the highway runs right through town , princess , and you know the way . hell , that theater project was a big money pit . '' she snuffled back her tears . `` you told me that at the beginning , but i would n't listen . and now i know that all the money came from you . and it was all about hettie . '' `` honey , hettie has- '' `` i know about hettie and bill . `` is that the reason you 're going ? because of the money ? if that 's the reason , then you 're being dumb . '' his heart knew a moment 's reprieve . `` that 's not the reason i 'm going . '' greg wants to spend time with todd . he 's promised . and i have a visitation agreement with him that gives him the right to see todd every other weekend . he says that if i stay here , i 'll have to fly todd to maryland . even if i wanted to fight him on that , the law is on his side . but i do n't want to fight him . i ca n't keep todd from his father , if his father is finally willing to make the effort . her words were like missiles aimed right at his most vulnerable places . `` when i ran away in march , i knew this might happen . i knew that if greg wanted to see todd on a regular basis , i would have to rethink . of course , greg has surprised me , but i still have to do the right thing for todd . '' we both lost out on time with our fathers . i ca n't do that to todd . '' `` you need help packing ? '' `` most of my stuff is in storage up in baltimore . we 'll be going on saturday . '' he nodded again and then turned on his heel and walked out of the room . this is why aa told guys like him to stay out of relationships . savannah did n't know what , exactly , she had expected of dash . a little , stupid part of her wanted him to bar the door and tell her that she 'd be a fool to leave . a little part of her wanted him to get down on his knees and beg her to stay . a little part of her wanted him to make some grandiose proclamation of undying love . yeah , the spoiled little girl she 'd once been wanted that . the grown woman knew the folly of those fantasies . first of all , she was n't sure she could admire a man who begged .

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and so he 'd slipped out of camp after supper . should have told someone , but did n't . he was n't afraid of getting lost . and if it was nothing , he did n't want to be mocked for making a fuss or seeing shadows . he might have told hector-but hector had gone to the rear with a message for the captain of the royal artillery company that was traveling with them , bringing cannon for general cope . he did see shadows . nearly three-quarters of a mile up the side of one of scotland 's crags , the wind brought him the scent of smoke . and creeping through brush and bracken , stealthy as a fox in the gathering gloom , he 'd seen at last the flicker of a small fire and the movement of shadows against the trees of a clearing . an englishwoman 's voice . '' `` what , on a mountainside in the highlands ? '' percy 's voice reflected his own incredulity at the time . even now , a decade and more past the rising , the barbarian clansmen crushed or removed , the highlands of scotland remained a desolate wilderness . no one in his right mind would go there now-save soldiers , whose duty it was . he 'd crept closer , sure his ears were deceiving him . `` it could n't be jacobite troops , in any case , i thought . it was only a single tiny fire . and when i got close enough to see ... '' his heart had given such a lurch of excitement that he nearly choked on it . there was a man in the clearing , sitting on a log , relaxed . he could so vividly recall his first sight of jamie fraser , and the fierce rush of emotions involved-alarm , panic , dizzying excitement . the hair , of course , first of all , the hair . bound back loosely , not ginger but a deep red , a red like a stag 's coat , but a red that glinted in the firelight as the man bent to push another stick into the fire . the size of the man , and the sense of power in him . plainly a scot , by his dress , by his speech . he 'd heard stories of red jamie fraser-surely there could n't be two like him . but was it , could it be , really ? he 'd realized that he was holding his breath only when spots began to swim before his eyes . and , trying to breathe silently , had seen the woman come into view on the far side of the fire . she was an englishwoman , he could see it at once . more than that , a lady . a tall woman , crudely dressed , but with the skin , the carriage , the refined features of a noblewoman . and certainly the voice . she was addressing the man crossly ; he laughed . she called him by name-by god , it was jamie fraser ! and through his haze of panic and excitement , grey made out the man 's reply and realized with horror that he was making indecent insinuations to the woman , stating a plain intent to take her to his bed . he had kidnapped her , then-and dragged her to this distant spot in order to dishonor her without the possibility of rescue or interference . grey 's first impulse had been to retire quietly through the brush , then tear down the mountain as fast as possible and run back to camp to fetch some men to apprehend fraser . but the presence of the englishwoman altered everything . he dare not leave her in the scot 's grasp . he had so far had one experience in a brothel , and knew just how quickly immoral transactions could be accomplished . by the time he got back with help , it would be far too late . he was sure his heartbeat must be audible at a distance , hard as it was hammering in his own ears . `` i 'd come armed , of course . '' he kept his eyes fixed on the ceiling , as though the egg-and-dart molding told some gripping tale . `` a pistol and a dagger in my belt . '' but he had n't loaded the pistol . cursing himself silently , he 'd grappled for a moment with the problem : risk the delay of loading , the sound of the shot , plus the possibility of missing , or use the dagger ? `` you did n't think of taking him prisoner ? '' percy asked curiously . `` rather than trying to kill him ? '' `` i did , yes , '' grey said , a slight edge to his voice . `` but i was reasonably sure that his own men were somewhere nearby . he was well known , one of the scottish chiefs ; the clans were gathering-he would n't be alone at all , if it were n't for the woman . `` and it was dark , and the clearing was completely surrounded by forest . you 've never seen a scottish pine forest-two steps into the trees , and a man has vanished from sight .

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["vanishest", 4374], ["vanished", 4374]]

the waning moon was low in the sky , but still shed light enough to see the brick path through the garden ; the espaliered fruit trees spread black as spiderwebs against the walls . someone had been digging ; i could smell the cold damp of recently turned earth , and shivered involuntarily at the hint of worms and mold . jamie felt it , and put a light hand on my back . i gripped his free hand for reassurance . they would hardly be burying betty in the kitchen garden ; the digging must be for something prosaic , like an onion bed or a trench for early peas . the thought was comforting , though my skin still felt cold and thin , prickling with apprehensions . jamie himself was far from easy , though he was outwardly composed , as usual . he was no stranger to death , and had no great fear of it . but he was both catholic and celt , with a strong conviction of another , unseen world that lay past the dissolution of the body . he believed implicitly in tannasgeach-in spirits-and had no desire to meet one . still , if i was determined , he would brave the otherworld for my sake ; he squeezed my hand hard , and did n't let go . i squeezed back , deeply grateful for his presence . beyond the debatable question of how betty 's ghost might feel about my proposed plan of action , i knew that the notion of deliberate mutilation disturbed him deeply , however much his own intelligence might be convinced that a soulless body was no more than clay . `` to see men hacked to death on a battlefield is one thing , '' he 'd said earlier in the evening , still arguing with me . `` that 's war , and it 's honorable , cruel as it may be . but to take a blade and carve up a poor innocent like yon woman in cold blood ... '' he looked at me , eyes dark with troubled thought . `` ye 're sure ye must do it , claire ? '' `` yes , i am , '' i had said , eyes fixed on the contents of the bag i was assembling . a large roll of lint wadding , to soak up fluids , small jars for organ samples , my largest bone saw , a couple of scalpels , a wicked pair of heavy-bladed shears , a sharp knife borrowed from the kitchen ... it was a sinister-looking collection , to be sure . i wrapped the shears in a towel to prevent them clanking against the other implements , and put them in the bag , carefully marshaling my words . `` look , '' i said at last , raising my eyes to meet his . `` there 's something wrong , i know it . and if betty was killed , then surely we owe it to her to find that out . if you were murdered , would n't you want someone to do whatever they could to prove it ? to-to avenge you ? '' he stood still for a long moment , eyes narrowed in thought as he looked down at me . then his face relaxed , and he nodded . `` aye , i would , '' he said quietly . he picked up the bone saw , and began wrapping it with cloth . he had n't protested further . he had n't asked me again whether i was sure . he had merely said firmly that if i was going to do it , he was coming with me , and that was all about it . as for being sure , i was n't . i did have an abiding feeling that something was very wrong about this death , but i was less confident in my sense of what it was , with the cold moon sinking through an empty sky and wind brushing my cheeks with the touch of icy fingers . betty might have died only by accident , not malice . i could be wrong ; perhaps it was a simple hemorrhage of an esophageal ulcer , the bursting of an aneurysm in the throat , or some other physiological oddity . unusual , but natural . was i doing this , in fact , only to try to vindicate my faith in my own powers of diagnosis ? the wind belled my cloak and i pulled it tighter around me , one-handed , stiffening my spine . it was n't a natural death , i knew it . i could n't have said how i knew it , but fortunately jamie had n't asked me that . i had a brief flash of memory ; joe abernathy , a jovial smile of challenge on his face , reaching into a cardboard box full of bones , saying , `` i just want to see can you do it to a dead person , lady jane ? '' i could ; i had . he had handed me a skull , and the memory of geillis duncan shuddered through me like liquid ice . `` ye needna do it , claire . '' jamie 's hand tightened on mine . `` i willna think ye a coward . '' his voice was soft and serious , barely audible above the wind . `` i would , '' i said , and felt him nod .

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i am enticed and tantalized and very , very excited . '' now the room grew warm , and she forgot what her next question was supposed to be . final y , she remembered . `` so no black or red . any favorite colors ? '' `` you 're stubborn , are n't you ? i think you would look nice in light colors - white , pink , blue . i suppose i could say i envisioned you in something classic , with your hair cascading down your shoulders . but this is n't about me , this is about you . and i think you should choose . '' `` of course , i might decide to purchase an item or two for you while we 're there . but for our first time , it 's all about what you want . what makes you feel special and sexy and cherished . that 's what i want because i love you . '' she smiled up at him , and he thought his heart would melt . she took his face in her hand , running a thumb across his angular jaw , and he closed his eyes and leaned into her touch . when he opened his eyes , they were clear , bright , and very hungry . what time do we have to leave for philadelphia ? '' he began to kiss across her collarbone from one shoulder to another . `` after - kiss - breakfast - kiss . our flight is around dinnertime - kiss - and we have to be at the airport early . '' double kiss . she kissed him once more and disappeared on her crutches into the hallway . downstairs , richard was a whirling dervish of activity , making and serving sunday breakfast for his hungry family . scott was eating everything that was n't nailed down or claimed by anyone else , and rachel and aaron were poring over pictures of philadelphia wedding reception venues on aaron 's blackberry . rachel greeted her brother and her best friend when they entered the kitchen . `` i need to give this back to you , '' julia whispered as she began to undo the scarf she had knotted around her neck . mom would have wanted you to have it . '' julia pressed her friend into a grateful hug . once again she was thankful for her generosity , and also for grace , whose generous presence never seemed far away . `` you look happy this morning . '' scott poured julia a glass of orange juice as she sat down . `` make sure he treats you right , '' he whispered , his expression serious . `` he has changed , scott . he ... loves me . '' she spoke in a low voice so no one else could hear . scott gazed at her in surprise . he shifted his weight uncomfortably , changing the subject . `` simon was supposed to have a bail hearing yesterday . his lawyer was trying to have him released . '' he looked at julia cautiously . `` i have n't been able to find out what happened . '' it took a moment for his words to register , but when they did , she was seized with anxiety . she knocked her orange juice over accidentally , turning her breakfast into a sticky , juice soaked disaster . she blinked rapidly as she tried to regain her composure , trying to mop up her latest mess , cursing herself for being such a bundle of nerves . gabriel has to be tired of watching me drop things . before she could stand to her feet , a hand appeared in front of her face . julia looked up into a pair of concerned sapphire eyes . gabriel moved his hand slightly , encouraging her to take it . he pulled her into his side and seated her on a different bar stool , kissing her forehead quickly . `` you 're safe now , '' he whispered . `` i wo n't let him near you . '' for good measure , gabriel rubbed her arms up and down comfortingly . while richard prepared another waffle , gabriel picked up her ruined breakfast and headed to the sink . sit with your girl . '' scott 's voice was low and gruff at gabriel 's elbow . no one noticed the subtle exchange between the two brothers - the prodigal son and the son of constancy . their eyes met and a look of understanding and perhaps even forgiveness passed between them . gabriel nodded gratefully and took a seat by julia , wrapping his arm around her waist and murmuring soothing words in her ear until she stopped shaking . he had to get her out of selinsgrove . as they drove away , julia closed her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief . it had been an emotional morning . saying good-bye to her adoptive family was always difficult . and saying good-bye to her father after the weekend 's events was exhausting . `` are you sorry to leave ? '' gabriel reached over to stroke her cheek . `` part of me did n't want to leave . part of me could n't wait to put everything behind me . '' `` what did my dad say to you when he shook your hand ? '' gabriel shifted in his seat .

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["greeted", 1668], ["brother", 1680], ["brethren", 1680], ["good", 1693], ["best", 1693], ["friend", 1700], ["enter", 1718], ["entered", 1718], ["kitchen", 1730], ["kitchens", 1730], ["need", 1742], ["needest", 1742], ["give", 1750], ["back", 1760], ["julia", 1778], ["whisper", 1788], ["whispered", 1788], ["undo", 1809], ["undone", 1809], ["undoed", 1809], ["undoing", 1809], ["scarf", 1819], ["knot", 1835], ["knotted", 1835], ["neck", 1851], ["necked", 1851], ["mom", 1857], ["moms", 1857], ["press", 1909], ["pressed", 1909], ["grateful", 1936], ["hug", 1940], ["thankful", 1970], ["generosity", 1989], ["also", 2000], ["grace", 2010], ["whose", 2018], ["generous", 2027], ["presence", 2036], ["never", 2042], ["seem", 2049], ["seeming", 2049], ["seemed", 2049], ["far", 2053], ["away", 2058], ["happy", 2078], ["morning", 2091], ["pour", 2109], ["poured", 2109], ["glass", 2123], ["orange", 2133], ["juice", 2139], ["juicing", 2139], ["sat", 2150], ["sit", 2150], ["sure", 2170], ["treat", 2180], ["treats", 2180], ["treatest", 2180], ["right", 2190], ["rightest", 2190], ["expression", 2225], ["serious", 2233], ["change", 2253], ["changed", 2253], ["love", 2276], ["loves", 2276], ["speak", 2294], ["spoken", 2294], ["spoke", 2294], ["low", 2303], ["lowed", 2303], ["voice", 2309], ["hear", 2335], ["hears", 2335], ["gaze", 2349], ["gazes", 2349], ["gazed", 2349], ["surprise", 2368], ["surprised", 2368], ["shift", 2381], ["shifted", 2381], ["weight", 2392], ["weighted", 2392], ["weightest", 2392], ["uncomfortably", 2406], ["change", 2417], ["changing", 2417], ["subject", 2429], ["subjectest", 2429], ["simon", 2440], ["bail", 2468], ["bails", 2468], ["bailing", 2468], ["hearing", 2476], ["yesterday", 2486], ["yesterdays", 2486], ["lawyer", 2499], ["try", 2510], ["tryed", 2510], ["trying", 2510], ["release", 2531], ["released", 2531], ["look", 2546], ["looked", 2546], ["cautiously", 2566], ["able", 2592], ["abled", 2592], ["find", 2600], ["happen", 2618], ["happened", 2618], ["moment", 2640], ["word", 2654], ["words", 2654], ["register", 2666], ["seize", 2703], ["seizes", 2703], ["seized", 2703], ["anxiety", 2716], ["knock", 2730], ["knocks", 2730], ["knockest", 2730], ["knocked", 2730], ["accidentally", 2765], ["turn", 2775], ["turning", 2775], ["sticky", 2803], ["soak", 2818], ["soaks", 2818], ["soaked", 2818], ["disaster", 2827], ["blink", 2841], ["blinked", 2841], ["rapidly", 2849], ["try", 2862], ["tryed", 2862], ["tried", 2862], ["regain", 2872], ["composure", 2886], ["mop", 2902], ["mopped", 2902], ["late", 2916], ["lates", 2916], ["latest", 2916], ["mess", 2921], ["messed", 2921], ["messing", 2921], ["curse", 2931], ["cursed", 2931], ["cursing", 2931], ["bundle", 2963], ["bundled", 2963], ["nerve", 2973], ["nerves", 2973], ["gabriel", 2983], ["tired", 2999], ["watch", 3011], ["watching", 3011], ["drop", 3019], ["thing", 3026], ["things", 3026], ["stood", 3051], ["stand", 3051], ["standest", 3051], ["foot", 3063], ["feet", 3063], ["appear", 3081], ["appeared", 3081], ["front", 3090], ["pair", 3132], ["pairs", 3132], ["sapphire", 3154], ["move", 3175], ["moved", 3175], ["slightly", 3193], ["encourage", 3207], ["encouraging", 3207], ["take", 3219], ["pull", 3234], ["pulled", 3234], ["side", 3252], ["sidest", 3252], ["seat", 3263], ["seated", 3263], ["different", 3282], ["bar", 3286], ["stool", 3292], ["stools", 3292], ["kiss", 3302], ["kisses", 3302], ["kissest", 3302], ["kissing", 3302], ["forehead", 3315], ["quickly", 3323], ["safe", 3341], ["safes", 3341], ["safed", 3341], ["wo", 3373], ["let", 3381], ["lets", 3381], ["near", 3390], ["good", 3408], ["measure", 3416], ["rub", 3433], ["rubbed", 3433], ["arm", 3442], ["arms", 3442], ["comfortingly", 3467], ["prepare", 3492], ["prepared", 3492], ["waffle", 3507], ["waffling", 3507], ["pick", 3524], ["picked", 3524], ["ruin", 3538], ["ruinest", 3538], ["ruined", 3538], ["head", 3559], ["headed", 3559], ["sink", 3571], ["sank", 3571], ["sat", 3577], ["sit", 3577], ["girl", 3592], ["gruff", 3630], ["elbow", 3650], ["elbowing", 3650], ["notice", 3667], ["noticed", 3667], ["subtle", 3678], ["exchange", 3687], ["brother", 3712], ["brethren", 3712], ["brothers", 3712], ["prodigal", 3727], ["son", 3731], ["constancy", 3756], ["meet", 3773], ["meeted", 3773], ["met", 3773], ["understanding", 3801], ["perhaps", 3813], ["even", 3818], ["evens", 3818], ["forgiveness", 3830], ["pass", 3837], ["passed", 3837], ["nod", 3867], ["nodded", 3867], ["gratefully", 3878], ["seat", 3894], ["wrap", 3914], ["wraps", 3914], ["wrapping", 3914], ["arm", 3922], ["waist", 3939], ["murmur", 3953], ["murmurest", 3953], ["murmuring", 3953], ["ear", 3979], ["stop", 3997], ["stopped", 3997], ["shake", 4005], ["shaking", 4005], ["get", 4021], ["drive", 4060], ["drove", 4060], ["breathe", 4102], ["breathes", 4102], ["breathed", 4102], ["sigh", 4109], ["sighest", 4109], ["relief", 4119], ["reliefs", 4119], ["emotional", 4146], ["say", 4163], ["sayest", 4163], ["saying", 4163], ["bye", 4172], ["byes", 4172], ["adoptive", 4188], ["always", 4206], ["difficult", 4216], ["father", 4252], ["fathered", 4252], ["fathering", 4252], ["weekend", 4270], ["event", 4280], ["events", 4280], ["exhaust", 4295], ["exhausted", 4295], ["exhausting", 4295], ["sorry", 4314], ["reach", 4344], ["reached", 4344], ["stroke", 4359], ["cheek", 4369], ["cheeks", 4369], ["part", 4379], ["parting", 4379], ["wait", 4435], ["waitest", 4435], ["put", 4442], ["behind", 4460], ["dad", 4487], ["shake", 4512], ["shook", 4512]]

in the background , jeb could hear garrett mumbling to himself as he cleaned up the ice in the kitchen . she crossed her arms , hesitating . `` i know i 'm not expected ... ... '' `` it 's okay , '' jeb encouraged . jeb nodded his head in the direction of the kitchen . he 's getting something to drink . '' jeb shrugged and gave her a slow , wry smile . `` you 'll have to talk to him ... ... '' theresa nodded , suddenly wondering whether coming down was a good idea . she glanced around the room and immediately spied the letters spread around the floor . she also noticed garrett 's bag sitting by his bedroom door , still packed from his visit . other than that , the house looked exactly the same as it always did . except , of course , for the photograph . she spotted it over jeb 's shoulder . normally it was in his room , and for some reason , now that it was in plain view , she could n't take her eyes off it . she was still staring at the picture when garrett reentered the living room . `` dad , what happened in here- '' he froze . theresa faced him uncertainly . then theresa took a deep breath . `` hello , garrett , '' she said . jeb picked up his keys from the table , knowing it was time to leave . `` you two have a lot to talk about , so i 'll get out of here . '' he went to the front door , glancing sidelong at theresa . `` it was nice meeting you , '' he murmured . but as he spoke , he raised his eyebrows and shrugged slightly , as if to wish her luck . in a moment he was outside , making his way down the walk . garrett asked evenly once they were alone . `` i wanted to come , '' she said quietly . instead , after a moment 's hesitation , she walked toward him , her eyes never leaving his . once she was close , she put her finger to his lips and shook her head to stop him from speaking . `` shh , '' she whispered , `` no questions ... just for now . please ... '' she tried to smile , but now that he could see her better , he knew she 'd been crying . there were no words to describe what she 'd been going through . instead she wrapped her arms around him . reluctantly he drew his arms around her as she rested her head against him . she kissed his neck and pulled him closer . running her hand through his hair , she moved her mouth tentatively to his cheek , then to his lips . she kissed them lightly at first , her lips barely brushing against them , then she kissed him again , more passionate now . without conscious thought , he began to respond to her advances . his hands slowly traveled up her back , molding her against him . in the living room , with the roar of the ocean echoing through the house , they held each other tightly , giving in to their growing desires . finally theresa pulled back , reaching for his hand as she did so . taking it in hers , she led him to the bedroom . letting go , she crossed the room as he waited just inside the door . light from the living room spilled in , casting shadows across the room . hesitating only slightly before facing him again , she began to undress . garrett made a small movement to close the bedroom door , but she shook her head . she wanted to see him this time , and she wanted him to see her . she wanted garrett to know he was with her and no one else . slowly , ever so slowly , she shed her garments . her blouse ... her jeans ... her bra ... her panties . she removed her clothing deliberately , her lips slightly parted , her eyes never leaving his . when she was nak*d , she stood before him , letting his gaze travel over all of her . finally she approached him . standing close , she ran her hands over him-his chest , his shoulders , his arms , touching him gently , as if she wanted to remember the way he felt forever . stepping back to allow him to undress , she watched him , her eyes taking everything in as his clothes fell to the floor . moving to his side , she kissed his shoulders , then slowly worked around him , her mouth against his skin , the wetness of her lips lingering everywhere she touched . then , leading him to the bed , she lay down , pulling him with her . they made love fiercely , clinging desperately to each other . their passion was unlike any time they 'd made love before-each painfully conscious of the other 's pleasure , every touch more electric than the last . as if fearful of what the future would bring , they worshiped each other 's bodies with a singleminded intensity that would sear their memories forever . when they finally cli**xed together , theresa threw back her head and cried aloud , not attempting to stifle the sound . afterward she sat up in the bed , cradling garrett 's head in her lap .

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["glanced", 482], ["around", 489], ["room", 498], ["roomed", 498], ["immediately", 514], ["spy", 520], ["spied", 520], ["letter", 532], ["lettering", 532], ["letters", 532], ["spread", 539], ["floor", 556], ["also", 567], ["notice", 575], ["noticed", 575], ["bag", 590], ["bagged", 590], ["bagging", 590], ["sat", 598], ["sit", 598], ["sitting", 598], ["bedroom", 613], ["door", 618], ["still", 626], ["pack", 633], ["packed", 633], ["visit", 648], ["house", 678], ["look", 685], ["looked", 685], ["exactly", 693], ["always", 715], ["except", 728], ["course", 740], ["photograph", 761], ["spot", 775], ["spotted", 775], ["shoulder", 799], ["shouldered", 799], ["normally", 810], ["reason", 851], ["reasonest", 851], ["plain", 878], ["plains", 878], ["view", 883], ["viewest", 883], ["take", 904], ["eye", 913], ["eyed", 913], ["eyes", 913], ["stare", 944], ["stared", 944], ["staring", 944], ["picture", 959], ["reentering", 982], ["dad", 1007], ["happen", 1023], ["happened", 1023], ["froze", 1044], ["frozen", 1044], ["freeze", 1044], ["freezing", 1044], ["face", 1060], ["faced", 1060], ["uncertainly", 1076], ["take", 1096], ["took", 1096], ["deep", 1103], ["deeply", 1103], ["breath", 1110], ["breathest", 1110], ["hello", 1121], ["hellos", 1121], ["say", 1145], ["sayest", 1145], ["said", 1145], ["pick", 1158], ["picked", 1158], ["key", 1170], ["keyed", 1170], ["keyest", 1170], ["keys", 1170], ["table", 1185], ["tabled", 1185], ["tabling", 1185], ["know", 1195], ["knowest", 1195], ["knowing", 1195], ["time", 1207], ["left", 1216], ["leave", 1216], ["two", 1229], ["twos", 1229], ["lot", 1240], ["get", 1269], ["go", 1294], ["goest", 1294], ["went", 1294], ["front", 1307], ["glance", 1323], ["glancing", 1323], ["sidelong", 1332], ["nice", 1360], ["meet", 1368], ["meeted", 1368], ["murmur", 1389], ["murmurest", 1389], ["murmured", 1389], ["speak", 1407], ["spoken", 1407], ["spoke", 1407], ["raise", 1419], ["raised", 1419], ["eyebrow", 1432], ["eyebrows", 1432], ["slightly", 1454], ["wish", 1470], ["luck", 1479], ["moment", 1493], ["outside", 1508], ["way", 1525], ["ways", 1525], ["walk", 1539], ["ask", 1555], ["asked", 1555], ["evenly", 1562], ["alone", 1583], ["come", 1605], ["quietly", 1627], ["instead", 1637], ["hesitation", 1668], ["walk", 1681], ["walked", 1681], ["toward", 1688], ["never", 1709], ["left", 1717], ["leave", 1717], ["leaving", 1717], ["close", 1742], ["put", 1752], ["finger", 1763], ["lip", 1775], ["lipped", 1775], ["lips", 1775], ["shake", 1785], ["shook", 1785], ["stop", 1802], ["speak", 1820], ["spoken", 1820], ["speaking", 1820], ["shh", 1829], ["whisper", 1848], ["whispered", 1848], ["question", 1866], ["questions", 1866], ["please", 1892], ["try", 1909], ["tryed", 1909], ["tried", 1909], ["see", 1946], ["well", 1957], ["wells", 1957], ["know", 1967], ["knowest", 1967], ["knew", 1967], ["cry", 1986], ["crying", 1986], ["word", 2008], ["words", 2008], ["describe", 2020], ["go", 2043], ["goest", 2043], ["going", 2043], ["wrap", 2073], ["wraps", 2073], ["wrapping", 2073], ["wrapped", 2073], ["reluctantly", 2107], ["draw", 2115], ["draws", 2115], ["drawn", 2115], ["drew", 2115], ["rest", 2149], ["rested", 2149], ["kiss", 2183], ["kisses", 2183], ["kissest", 2183], ["kissed", 2183], ["neck", 2192], ["necked", 2192], ["pull", 2203], ["pulled", 2203], ["close", 2214], ["closer", 2214], ["run", 2224], ["running", 2224], ["hand", 2233], ["hair", 2250], ["move", 2262], ["moved", 2262], ["mouth", 2272], ["mouthed", 2272], ["tentatively", 2284], ["cheek", 2297], ["cheeks", 2297], ["lightly", 2342], ["first", 2351], ["firstest", 2351], ["barely", 2369], ["brush", 2378], ["brushest", 2378], ["brushing", 2378], ["passionate", 2437], ["without", 2451], ["conscious", 2461], ["thought", 2469], ["begin", 2480], ["began", 2480], ["respond", 2491], ["respondest", 2491], ["advance", 2507], ["advancest", 2507], ["advances", 2507], ["hand", 2519], ["hands", 2519], ["slowly", 2526], ["travel", 2535], ["traveled", 2535], ["back", 2547], ["mold", 2557], ["molding", 2557], ["roar", 2610], ["roarest", 2610], ["ocean", 2623], ["oceans", 2623], ["echo", 2631], ["echoed", 2631], ["echoing", 2631], ["hold", 2661], ["held", 2661], ["tightly", 2680], ["give", 2689], ["giving", 2689], ["grow", 2709], ["growest", 2709], ["growing", 2709], ["desire", 2717], ["desires", 2717], ["finally", 2727], ["reach", 2758], ["reaching", 2758], ["take", 2794], ["taking", 2794], ["lead", 2815], ["leaded", 2815], ["led", 2815], ["let", 2844], ["lets", 2844], ["letting", 2844], ["go", 2847], ["goest", 2847], ["wait", 2883], ["waitest", 2883], ["waited", 2883], ["inside", 2895], ["lit", 2912], ["light", 2912], ["spilt", 2941], ["spill", 2941], ["spilling", 2941], ["spilled", 2941], ["cast", 2954], ["casts", 2954], ["casting", 2954], ["shadow", 2962], ["shadowed", 2962], ["shadows", 2962], ["across", 2969], ["face", 3019], ["facing", 3019], ["undress", 3052], ["undressed", 3052], ["undressest", 3052], ["undressing", 3052], ["small", 3075], ["movement", 3084], ["else", 3262], ["ever", 3278], ["everest", 3278], ["shed", 3299], ["garment", 3312], ["garments", 3312], ["blouse", 3325], ["jean", 3339], ["jeans", 3339], ["bra", 3351], ["bras", 3351], ["pantie", 3367], ["panties", 3367], ["remove", 3381], ["removed", 3381], ["clothing", 3394], ["deliberately", 3407], ["part", 3434], ["parting", 3434], ["parted", 3434], ["stood", 3496], ["stand", 3496], ["standest", 3496], ["gaze", 3526], ["gazes", 3526], ["travel", 3533], ["approach", 3574], ["approaches", 3574], ["approached", 3574], ["stood", 3589], ["stand", 3589], ["standest", 3589], ["standing", 3589], ["run", 3605], ["ran", 3605], ["chest", 3634], ["shoulder", 3650], ["shouldered", 3650], ["shoulders", 3650], ["touch", 3672], ["touching", 3672], ["gently", 3683], ["remember", 3714], ["rememberest", 3714], ["feel", 3730], ["felt", 3730], ["forever", 3738], ["step", 3749], ["stepping", 3749], ["allow", 3763], ["watch", 3792], ["watched", 3792], ["everything", 3825], ["clad", 3843], ["clothe", 3843], ["clothes", 3843], ["fall", 3848], ["falls", 3848], ["fell", 3848], ["move", 3870], ["moving", 3870], ["side", 3882], ["sidest", 3882], ["work", 3930], ["wrought", 3930], ["worked", 3930], ["skin", 3970], ["wetness", 3984], ["linger", 4006], ["lingered", 4006], ["lingering", 4006], ["everywhere", 4017], ["touch", 4029], ["touching", 4029], ["touched", 4029], ["lead", 4046], ["leaded", 4046], ["leading", 4046], ["bed", 4061], ["lay", 4071], ["lie", 4071], ["lain", 4071], ["pull", 4086], ["pulling", 4086], ["love", 4116], ["fiercely", 4125], ["cling", 4136], ["clinging", 4136], ["desperately", 4148], ["passion", 4178], ["unlike", 4189], ["unliking", 4189], ["painfully", 4238], ["pleasure", 4273], ["every", 4281], ["touch", 4287], ["touching", 4287], ["electric", 4301], ["last", 4315], ["fearful", 4331], ["future", 4350], ["bring", 4362], ["worship", 4379], ["worshiped", 4379], ["body", 4400], ["bodied", 4400], ["bodies", 4400], ["singleminded", 4420], 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will grabbed him by the shirt with both hands and lifted him off his feet . my boss had to weigh 300 pounds . clyde called . `` do n't you think i should hang on to the totem ? '' another volley of shots sounded from outside . this time they were followed by surprised yips and agonized howls . `` let him go , will , '' i ordered . mandenauer pounded on the front door and shouted my name . i did n't have time for these games . will 's gaze flicked to mine . he shrugged and let clyde go . `` play nice , '' i admonished , and let the old man inside . he was wearing his rambo outfit again - commando chic , with a whole lot of bullets . i could n't conjure up a snappy retort . i was too damn glad to see him - and his ammo , too . before i could grab a bandolier for myself , manden-auer stalked past me and into the living room . the expression on his face made me hurry to keep up . `` which one of you is wolf clan ? '' `` a member of the wolf clan must take part in the ceremony . '' i flicked a glance at will . i let my breath out on a long , slow sigh of disappointment . `` before you get all bent out of shape , i 'd like to point out something . '' `` he 's wolf clan , too . '' will was pointing at clyde . nobody holds with that stuff anymore . except for him . '' he jerked his head at will . `` most people do n't even know what clan they are these days . do n't you find it interesting that he does ? '' mandenauer drew his revolver and pointed it at will . i grabbed his arm just as he fired . training took over and i cracked his wrist over my knee . i kicked the rifle out of his other hand , then pulled his arms behind his back . instead he stared at will . terrified , i followed the direction of his gaze . there was a neat hole in the fleshy part of will 's arm . he was a mess , but he was alive , which also made him human . i tightened my grip on mandenauer . `` proving that he is not one of them . and quite nicely , do n't you think ? '' `` no , '' will snapped . he pressed a hand to the hole , but blood seeped through his fingers . black dots danced in front of my eyes . since when had the sight of blood bothered me ? since it was his . mandenauer had just proved will was n't a werewolf . the knowledge was n't as comforting as it should have been . we still did n't know who was . mandenauer tugged on his hands , which i still held behind his back . `` give me back my guns . '' `` then shoot the other so we know . '' i glanced at clyde . `` is n't there a less bloody way to go about this ? '' `` i have never found one . '' i wanted to bandage will 's arm , but i could n't leave mandenauer alone . i could n't hold on to all the guns myself . i could n't bring myself to shoot clyde and be done with it . a chorus of howls rose in the yard . others joined in , louder and louder , until i wanted to put my hands over my ears to blot out the sound . but i could n't do that , either . at last the noise stopped . the resulting silence seemed to echo with their cries . `` there were more than seventy when i arrived , '' mandenauer answered . `` probably well past a hundred by now . '' `` what part of ' werewolf army'did you not understand , jessie ? '' i dumped mandenauer 's guns on the couch , holstered my pistol , and took him with me to the front window . i unlatched the shutter . we stared at what appeared to be a sea of wolves in the yard . `` what are they here for ? '' the voice was n't mandenauer 's ; it was clyde 's . i glanced toward him just as he opened the front door . i shouted , but the wolves did n't charge . instead , they sat like dogs , tongues lolling . i released mandenauer and ran , but i was too late . clyde tossed the wolf totem high above the crowd . all heads tilted up , then followed the stone back down . before it met the ground a small ash-blond wolf leaped into the air and caught the rawhide between her teeth . she hit the ground running . i could do nothing but stare at clyde . his face bathed by the silver light of the rising moon , he began to sweat , to shake . i should have slammed the door , but i could n't . i was rooted to the floor in the hallway , unable to drag my eyes from the sight in front of me .

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unsure of what to do or what to say to minimize the damage she had caused , isabel stood motionless until she heard gray 's weary sigh . that soft sound touched her deeply , melting something that had long been frozen . she gripped the knob , pulled the door open ... ... and was arrested by the sight that greeted her . gray was clad in only trousers , a new garment by the look of it , which reminded her of the tailor 's earlier call . he stood by the bed , his hand on the carved post , his back and beautifully curved buttocks hard with tension . `` grayson , '' she called quietly , her blood hot from the mere sight of him . he straightened , but did not face her . `` yes , pel ? '' now is not a good time . '' she took a deep breath , and stepped further into the room . `` it is i who owes you an apology . '' he turned to face her then , causing her to reach for a nearby chair and grip the back of it . the sight of his bare torso stole her wits . `` you overheard , '' he said flatly . `` it was not my intent . '' `` we are not discussing this now . '' `` i am not fit company at the moment . '' shaking her head , isabel pushed away from her support and moved forward . `` tell me how i can help you . '' `` you wo n't like my answer , so i suggest you leave . heaving out her breath , she fought back the urge to cast up her accounts . `` how could we have erred so greatly ? '' veering off course , she walked toward the other side of the room . `` ignorance , i suppose . to think that we could live as we pleased and expect society to accept us . '' `` go away , isabel . '' `` i refuse to come between you and your family , gray . '' `` my family be damned ! '' `` as you will be , if you stay here any longer . '' she shot him a narrowed glance . `` you once shared your problems with me . now that i am the problem , i think that habit is even more important . and cease looking at me like that ... what are you doing ? '' `` i warned you , '' he said grimly . moving so quickly she had no time to evade him , gray caught her about the waist with his hands and carried her to the bathing chamber . his skin was hot , his grip too tight . he set her down , shoved her inside , and slammed the door shut between them . she shouted through the portal . `` i am feeling violent , and your scent is making me lustful . persisting with your inane prattle will see you tossed on your back and your mouth put to much better uses . '' isabel blinked in shock . his rudeness was meant to drive her away , to scare her , and it very nearly succeeded . she 'd never had a man speak to her so crudely and in such anger . it did odd things to her insides , making her quiver and her breath shorten . standing with her hand pressed against the door , she listened for sounds of him . she had no notion of what she should do , but walking away when he was so inflamed seemed cowardly . and yet ... she was no fool . she knew men far better than women , and the best thing to do with a surly man was stay out of his way . she was well aware of what would happen should she choose to enter his rooms again . there was nothing she could do for him , nothing that could change the facts or make him feel better beyond the temporary release of orgasm . but perhaps that was what he needed after hearing the disparagement of his virility . perhaps it was what she needed , to forget for a short time that both of her marriages had failed . the first time , she had been young and naive . but this time she had known better . how foolish to have thought gray would not mature with age , which he appeared to have done by taking responsibility for lord spencer . which left her wondering if perhaps pelham also would have changed , had he been given the time . `` i can hear you thinking through the door , '' gray said wryly , his voice directly opposite the barrier . `` of course , but not with you . '' `` i am sorry , grayson . '' `` marrying me ? '' she swallowed hard , the word `` no '' trapped in her throat because she refused to give it voice . sighing , she moved away . now was not the time to discuss this , not when she could n't think clearly . she hated the door between them . it blocked his scent and his touch and the hunger in his eyes-things she should not want . why could she not be more practical about her wedded state , like the rest of her family ? why did her emotions have to become so tangled up and ruin everything ? `` just so we are clear , '' he said gruffly . `` i am not sorry , and out of all the things said to me in the last hour , hearing you say we have done something wrong disturbs me the most . ''

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she was more honest , less critical , and maybe even a bit scared of getting involved with another guy like tim . but that did n't stop her from trolling the bars every weekend . i encouraged her to change all the locks in case tim still had a spare key , and she agreed to call a locksmith before the hearing next week . she even agreed to sign up for a local self-defense class . but i had a feeling she would n't follow through with it . bennett had gotten home that morning while i was at work and said he 'd be stopping over at my apartment after his last tattoo appointment to check on his handiwork . i had a pharmacology test to study for , so i brought my textbook to work to get a head start during my lunch . waiting for him now felt like that first time i saw him . butterflies were battering the sides out of my stomach , and i was nervous i 'd say or do the wrong thing to mess it all up again . but when i let him inside , all of my nervousness flowed out of me and was replaced by excitement . he was stunning and sexy , and i knew i wanted him in my life . i just hoped he felt the same way . `` god , i missed you , '' he said , his gaze caressing me with such tenderness . i focused on the curve of his jaw , the angle of his cheekbones , and the devotion stirring behind his russet eyes . there was apprehension hidden there as well and that only made me want him more . this boy had gathered the pieces of my heart that had been scattered in the wind and tucked them in the safe pocket of his hand . and now it was time to treat his heart with the same gentleness . `` avery , i want ... '' he closed the distance between us . he cupped my cheeks and brought his lips to mine . his kiss was slow , hesitant , delicious . and wholly intoxicating . when i opened my eyes , he brushed a stray hair from my cheek and gazed at me in adoration . my hands tangled in his curls , and i drew his mouth toward me again . the feel of my tongue stroking hungrily against his made him hum with desire . his hands became more insistent as he tugged my hair out of its ponytail and trailed his thumbs along my neck , making me shiver to my very core . his fingers explored my waist and back before finally landing on the buttons of my shirt . one by one he unfastened them as his lips whispered against my collarbone and the top of my br**sts . he peeled my shirt from my shoulders , along with my bra straps , and then licked and nipped the tender skin there . after removing my bra , he swirled his tongue around my hardened peak while i clutched at fistfuls of his shirt . when he moved to my other breast , he bit down lightly , and my knees buckled beneath me . he grabbed my waist and pulled me to him . his lips found mine , and he moved us backward into my bedroom . `` i need to check on my masterpiece . '' when he nudged me back on the bed , my fever for him continued to build , ready to consume me . he pulled my leggings down to my knees and then slid them off my legs . i reached for him to remove his shirt , and he lifted it over his head . i marveled at his smooth chest and tight stomach . he gently shifted my underwear down my hips , and then pulled back for a look at his handiwork . he reached for my hands , tugging them above my head , and lacing them through his fingers . then he kissed me again , this time long and deep . his desire was like an undercurrent humming through him and transferring to me . `` avery , i have this overwhelming need ... to be inside of you . '' i melted into the covers , my body becoming liquid . i knew what he was asking without him saying the exact words . he wanted me to be his first . he was giving me his body . i was desperate to feel him inside of me . i wanted him so badly it ached . but part of me still worried whether i 'd be able to be everything he needed me to be . everything good enough for him . my voice was shaky , my breathing shallow . `` i 'm sure , baby , '' he whispered . i yanked his head down in a frantic kiss , trying to convey everything i was feeling in that moment . he was putting his faith in me , and i wanted to cherish it . nurture it . worship it . i leaned back as he unbuttoned his jeans and slipped out of them , along with his boxers . he was nak*d before me and i could n't help but appreciate the view . his sturdy shoulders and his strapping arms were contrasted by his delicate hipbones that led down to all that was divinely him . he grabbed hold of my ankles and tugged them gently to the edge of the bed . then he positioned himself over me .

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she glanced up , watching the soft glow of the lamp slide over his muscled shoulders . he had a great chest . lean but tightly muscled . not in a bulging neanderthal way , nor did he look like he worked out a bazillion times a week . but his body was tight and there was n't a spare ounce of flesh anywhere on his waist . he had a great jaw . firm and determined . already he had a shadow of a beard that only made him look sexy in a scruffy , totally male way . he was n't pretty and polished . he had a quiet arrogance that suggested he was comfortable in his skin and did n't much give a damn what others thought . he was n't impressed by celebrity . he thought she was a spoiled jerk . he was right , but it still bothered her . `` do i irritate you that much ? '' he cracked a grin and glanced over at her . the acknowledgment was more of a dry laugh at himself and the smile took the sting out of his words . `` we 're going to work this out , '' he said . `` tomorrow i 'm meeting with the firm your label hired . you 'll be surrounded by security at all times and i 'm going to stick to you like glue for the next two weeks . if someone wants you , they 'll have to go through me . '' she took great comfort from the vow . it did n't come across as a boast . there was complete and utter confidence in his voice , and his eyes sparked with determination . she bit her lips and met his gaze again . `` i know i 'm not ... `` no , you 're definitely not easy , '' he said in a lazy voice . `` but i can handle difficult . '' he reached over to touch her hair . it was a simple brush . he did n't even make contact with her skin , but an electric sensation snaked all the way through her body . `` you should get some rest , '' he said . `` you 're exhausted and you 've had a headache all day . '' one of his eyebrows went up in question . she looked away and clutched the covers to her chin again . his voice gentled and there was a soothing lilt to the way he said her name . it 's not just you , '' she rushed to say . i do n't like having someone so ... when she peeked up to gauge his reaction , his brow was furrowed . `` it 's my understanding you always have people around you . that you 're never alone . i 'd think if that was the case , you 'd be glad to have me here with you so you are n't alone . '' `` i do n't like being alone , '' she admitted . she sighed and turned onto her back to stare at the ceiling . `` if i have a choice between alone and being alone with one other person , i choose alone , no matter how uncomfortable it makes me . '' she could feel his stare burning over her skin , like he was trying to peel back the layers even further and see her darkest secrets . to her surprise he sat up and threw his legs over the edge of the bed . she watched from the corner of her eye as he reached for the hotel directory on the nightstand . he rotated back around and began flipping through the pages . `` well , if we 're going to be up all night , i 'm going to order room service . `` but you ate a huge supper . i mean , it looked like it was the entire cow . or pig . whatever we ate . '' need food . '' `` you 're really going to stay up just because i ca n't sleep ? '' he held up the menu . she slowly sat up and arranged one of the cushions behind her so she was propped against the headboard . chapter 12 `` hey , '' connor said softly . his voice was a tickle in her ear and she scrunched up her nose in her sleep and batted at the offending sensation . a husky chuckle blew a strand of her hair over her cheek . we have things to do today and damon roche is sending a driver to collect you in an hour . i thought you 'd want to take a shower and put on something killer before he arrives . '' she cracked one eye open and stared at connor 's face just inches from her own . for a moment she was confused and then realization pushed aside the veil of sleep . `` i slept , '' she said in wonder . you crashed around five . '' i would have let you sleep longer , but i 've got to get your security squared away today and then we have to move you . '' he eased back and she struggled to push herself up , her brain clouded and fuzzy . she blinked to try to clear the cobwebs and for a moment she simply stared around the room , amazed that she 'd fallen asleep with him next to her in bed . maybe her exhaustion had finally caught up to her and she 'd simply passed out .

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she snatched the photos from rays hands and placed them back on the counter . its jack and todd , of course , she sniffed . these are todds . maddie was standing close enough to catch a whiff of alcohol on rays breath . further incensed , she bridled . i told you about him , she snapped . she kept her comments short , afraid she might say something shed later regret . well , isnt that sweet . ray opened the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of white wine . he didnt offer her any ; he poured himself a tumbler-full and turned to face her . you might as well know right now . im going to switzerland . maddie could feel her face pale . its a major assignment . were taking photographers up . itll be about a month . im only going to ask you once if youll come with me . we can take the kid out of school . maddies tongue seemed to swell with her anger . she didnt know what made her more furious , the part about asking her only once , or his referral to todd as the kid . well , im only going to tell you once , ray , have a great time . her voice was low and surprisingly calm . someday youre going to realize that it means nothing , nothing at all to that boy up there , what you do for him . hes spoiled , hes a mamas boy and he cant do a damned thing for himself . youre going to wake up having lived your whole damned life for him and for what ? hell up and leave you , and marry some other little mama to take care of him . and you , my dear , will be all alone . ray took a long draught of wine . and why is that , ray ? i thought we were going to grow old together . will you still be on the mountain , then ? maddie approached him , her tone edged with fury . i cant fit in here , madelyn . to tell you the truth , this life here bores the hell out of me . ive tried oh , right . youve tried . maddie fought hard not to cry . his words were so hurtful , so full of lies and anger . what had she ever done but try to be a good wife and mother ? youve been a terrible father . you never even try to get closer to todd . all you care about is your damned mountains . yeah , thats what its all about , isnt it maddie ? always todd . you dont want a husband ; you want a father for todd . well , im sorry i cant be the kind of father you have in mind . i dont have a phd in parenthood ! maybe you should just quit worrying about it , because it seems to me youre a pretty good mother and father both . i sure as hell am not going to worry about it anymore . with that he downed the rest of the wine and left the room . maddie followed him up the stairs to their bedroom , where ray was pulling a suitcase off the shelf . she watched numbly as he threw a few items into it , passing through the bathroom to collect his razor and toiletries . ray , whats this all about ? its no good , maddie . here , i am guilty all the time . out there , i am on top of the world . he paused to stare at her , searching her face for a response . her eyes filled with the tears shed kept in check until now . until the realization of rays intention had slapped her hard across the heart . at the front door , he turned to look back through the house . then he turned to maddie once more . tell the kid i said good-bye . this isnt his fault ; i hope you will tell him that at least . illill be back for the rest of my things . good luck , madelyn . he stared at her evenly for another moment , his blue eyes dark , moist and bloodshot . maddie started to protest but was too choked up . she watched ray drag the suitcase to the driveway and throw it into the back seat of his jeep . softly at first , then loudly , crashing her fists down on the kitchen counter , then the table , then the wall . a kind of hysteria overtook her , the weeks of strain having finally built into a tremendous wave of self-pity and regret . jacks voice was thick with sleep . hed been asleep for two hours , having been up the entire night before building a model . jack squinted at his watch . it was only 9 p.m. shaking his head to clear it , he sat up on the couch . its todd . i was just wondering ifdo you think maybe you could come over here for a little while ? the boys voice was tinged with thinly disguised grief , and jack became immediately focused . come over ? gee , whats going on ? you having a party ? my moms kinda freaking out . i thought maybe you could come over and help . now alarmed at todds words , jack stood up . freaking out how , todd ?

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`` but he 's my friend ... '' ronnie leapt to her feet . `` pastor harris almost died in that fire ! he spent weeks in the hospital . do you know how painful burns are ? why do n't you ask blaze how it feels ? and the church ... you know he ca n't even rebuild it ... and now my dad 's never going to see the window where it belongs ! '' will shook his head , trying to stay calm . he could see that it was all too much for ronnie-her dad , his impending departure , her upcoming court date . `` i know it was wrong , '' he said quietly . `` and i 've felt guilty about it . i ca n't tell you how many times i 've wanted to go to the police . '' `` that does n't mean anything ! did n't you hear me when i told you about admitting in court what i had done ? because i knew what i did was wrong ! truth only means something when it 's hard to admit ! that church was pastor harris 's life ! it was my dad 's life ! and now it 's gone and the insurance wo n't cover the damage and they have to hold services in a warehouse ... '' `` scott 's my friend , '' he protested . `` i ca n't just ... throw him to the wolves . '' she blinked , wondering if he could even hear what he was saying . `` how can you be so selfish ? '' `` i 'm not being selfish- '' `` that 's exactly what you are , and if you ca n't understand that , then i do n't want to talk to you ! '' she turned and started toward the house . he called out , getting up to follow her . she sensed his movement and whirled to face him . `` it 's over , okay ? '' c'mon , be reasonable ... '' `` reasonable ? '' `` you want me to be reasonable ? you have n't just been lying for scott , you 've been lying to me , too ! you knew why my dad was making the window ! you stood right next to me and you never said anything about it ! '' her words seemed to clarify something in her mind , and she took another step backward . `` you 're not who i thought you were ! i thought you were better than this ! '' he flinched , unable to think of a response , but when he took a step forward , she retreated . you 're leaving anyway , and we 're never going to see each other again . summers always come to an end . we can talk and pretend all we want , but we ca n't change that , so let 's just end it here and now . i ca n't handle all this right now , and i ca n't be with someone i do n't trust . '' `` i do n't trust you , will . he could n't move , could n't speak . she shouted , and ran back to the house . that night , his last night in wrightsville beach , will sat in the den , still trying to make sense of everything that had happened . he looked up when his dad walked in . `` you were kind of quiet at dinner . '' `` yeah , '' will answered . his dad wandered to the couch and took a seat across from him . `` are you nervous about leaving tomorrow ? '' will nodded and felt his dad studying him . his dad leaned forward . you know you can talk to me . '' will took his time before answering , suddenly nervous . finally , he met his father 's eyes . `` if i asked you to do something important for me , something big , would you do it ? tom leaned back , still studying him , and in the silence , will knew what the answer would be . 33 ronnie ''you really finished the window ? '' ronnie watched her dad as he talked to jonah in the hospital room , thinking he seemed better . he still looked tired , but his cheeks had a bit more color and he was moving with greater ease . `` it 's awesome , dad , '' jonah said . `` but there were still so many pieces left . '' `` ronnie and will helped a little , '' jonah admitted . `` i had to show them how . they did n't know anything . but do n't worry , i was patient even when they made mistakes . '' `` yeah , i 'm a pretty good teacher . '' `` it smells kinda funny in here , does n't it ? '' `` have you been watching any movies ? '' her dad glanced at the iv bag . `` it 's got some medicine in it . '' `` so you 're coming home ? '' `` maybe tomorrow , '' he said . `` but you know what i could use ? '' `` a soda . do you remember where the cafeteria is ? down the hall and around the corner ? '' `` a sprite or a seven-up . '' `` i do n't have any money , though . ''

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miranda let out an overly dramatic sigh . `` oh good , i was n't looking forward to tackling him . '' `` it would 've been hilarious to watch you try . '' wyatt chortled and i tried really hard not to think about the fact i 'd just agreed to go to the benefit concert cold soul was giving down on the beach . seeing dank on stage with the same guitar in his hands he 'd played for me so many nights and hearing his voice being shared with thousands of people made the hole in my heart throb . if i could figure out a way to fill the aching , i would . `` it 's going to be amazing , pagan . i know you do n't really care for dank walker but trust me he can blow . '' miranda slipped her arm inside wyatt 's and gazed up at him with a coy grin . `` but he ca n't shoot three pointers like you can , baby , so wipe that frown off your sexy face . '' wyatt grinned and kissed the top of her head . seeing the love in miranda 's eyes when she looked at wyatt made the hole in my heart ache even more . i would never love leif that way . dank walker had damaged my heart and claimed it in the process . `` just so you do n't start drooling over the rock star . i 'm a fan of his stuff , too , but i can learn to hate him real quick if i feel the need to be jealous . '' wyatt 's tone sounded teasing but no one doubted what he said was the truth . `` i do n't think i need to worry about pagan drooling . cold soul does n't sing her type of music . i have a feeling we wo n't be there very long . '' miranda glared over at leif . `` do n't give her any ideas or excuses . i will attempt to tackle your ass if you even look at the exit the wrong way . '' leif threw back his head and laughed . `` i 'm really glad you have a good sense of humor , '' wyatt said with a grin , `` your arms are much bigger than mine . '' i began to laugh but the urge died instantly when my eyes found dank . he stood in front of kendra whose back was against the wall while she smiled up at him . it took all my strength and self-preservation to tear my eyes away from the intimacy between them . my breaths became shallow from the pain in my chest . leif must have sensed the change in me because he pulled me closer against his side and caressed my bare arm . the farther we walked away from dank the easier it became to breathe . * * * * the night gulf breeze was unusually warm considering it was late fall . a large stage with bright lights surrounding it was set up on the boardwalk facing the beach . there were thousands of people covering the sandy shore . bonfires could be seen farther down away from the crowd . a couple of high school students were already getting handcuffed for underage drinking . they would n't be the first or the last tonight . i held tightly to leif 's hand as we had to zigzag through the crowd , following in miranda 's wake . she had arranged for her father 's company to buy some of the special seating supplied under a large tent for a much higher ticket price . i would have been happy to join the mass numbers on the sand but miranda would n't have it . we stopped at the entrance . `` miranda wouters and three guests , '' she said with a haughty air that only seemed to come out when she was throwing her father 's power around . she did n't do it often , unless she wanted something , such as getting us out of speeding tickets . harold wouters owned wouters realty . wouters realty handled all the high-end commercial property in the county . in other words , they owned the town . `` right this way , miss . wouters , '' the young woman said as she turned and led us up front to a row of seating that gave us a perfect view of the stage . great , i would n't just have to hear the voice i so desperately missed but i was going to have a perfect view of him too . i glanced over at leif who raised his eyebrows as if impressed with our seats and gave me one of his eager grins . faking a headache was n't going to work . miranda would flip out and leif really seemed to be excited about this seating arrangement . `` we are set up ! wyatt stood , grinning and looking around toward the elaborate refreshment table set up at the end of the tent . `` you boys can eat to your hearts ' desire . go on and stop drooling , '' miranda said with a pleased smile on her face . wyatt kissed her loudly on the lips and glanced back at leif .

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2057], ["intimacies", 2057], ["breath", 2083], ["breathest", 2083], ["breaths", 2083], ["become", 2090], ["became", 2090], ["shallow", 2098], ["pain", 2112], ["chest", 2124], ["must", 2136], ["musts", 2136], ["sense", 2148], ["sensed", 2148], ["change", 2159], ["pull", 2183], ["pulled", 2183], ["close", 2193], ["closer", 2193], ["side", 2210], ["sidest", 2210], ["caress", 2223], ["caressed", 2223], ["bare", 2231], ["far", 2249], ["farther", 2249], ["walk", 2259], ["walked", 2259], ["easy", 2285], ["easier", 2285], ["breathes", 2306], ["night", 2326], ["gulf", 2331], ["breeze", 2338], ["breezing", 2338], ["unusually", 2352], ["warm", 2357], ["consider", 2369], ["considering", 2369], ["late", 2381], ["lates", 2381], ["fall", 2386], ["falls", 2386], ["large", 2396], ["bright", 2414], ["brights", 2414], ["lit", 2421], ["light", 2421], ["lights", 2421], ["surround", 2433], ["surrounding", 2433], ["set", 2444], ["boardwalk", 2464], ["face", 2471], ["facing", 2471], ["cover", 2523], 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2927], ["tent", 2946], ["tented", 2946], ["tenting", 2946], ["high", 2964], ["ticket", 2971], ["price", 2977], ["happy", 3003], ["join", 3011], ["joinest", 3011], ["mass", 3020], ["massed", 3020], ["massest", 3020], ["massing", 3020], ["number", 3028], ["numbering", 3028], ["numbers", 3028], ["sand", 3040], ["stop", 3083], ["stopped", 3083], ["entrance", 3099], ["entrancing", 3099], ["guest", 3137], ["guestest", 3137], ["guests", 3137], ["haughty", 3166], ["air", 3170], ["airs", 3170], ["airing", 3170], ["seem", 3187], ["seeming", 3187], ["seemed", 3187], ["come", 3195], ["throw", 3221], ["throwing", 3221], ["power", 3241], ["around", 3248], ["often", 3274], ["unless", 3283], ["unlesss", 3283], ["speed", 3341], ["speeding", 3341], ["ticket", 3349], ["tickets", 3349], ["harold", 3358], ["harolds", 3358], ["realty", 3387], ["handle", 3412], ["handled", 3412], ["end", 3429], ["ends", 3429], ["endest", 3429], ["commercial", 3440], ["property", 3449], ["county", 3463], ["word", 3480], 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4130], ["table", 4136], ["tabled", 4136], ["tabling", 4136], ["boy", 4180], ["boys", 4180], ["eat", 4188], ["heart", 4203], ["hearts", 4203], ["desire", 4212], ["stop", 4229], ["pleased", 4271], ["smile", 4277], ["loudly", 4315], ["lip", 4327], ["lipped", 4327], ["lips", 4327]]

my conscience fought it , but there was no point and no stopping me . i wasnt going to be the good girl . i was going to do what i wanted for a change . i didnt know if hed allow it , but i knew for an absolute fact i wouldnt be a tease with him . he wasnt gods yet . maybe he could be mineonce . i brushed out my hair and changed clothes . the only pretty thing id brought was a camisole for sleeping , and i threw on my little white cotton shorts with it . i wore nothing more . i was confident i wouldnt meet anyone in the hall being that it was after one oclock . everyone else was sleeping , but i was sure he wasntand hopefully wouldnt be anytime soon . as i glanced in the mirror , i wondered what it was he saw . i didnt do all the things with him that i did with other menit was impossible to be fake with himbut he seemed to think the real me was good enough . sweet and beautiful he had said . i prayed he could feel the same after tonight . the roll of the rails under my feet was the only sound as i made my way to him . i knocked , two almost inaudible taps . his quiet footsteps paused just on the other side of the door . jonathan , i said . the door slid half way open to reveal his face , tender but stressed , and half his bare chest . he was built exactly as i thought , naturally well-formed , much more beautiful than men in magazines . my hand trailed from his shoulder to his wrist . his eyes tilted and chin moved just a fraction of an inch . no , im not tired , i said , then brushed against him as i stepped in . his chest expanded more fully . i didnt bother with talking or explanationshe was smart and already knew what was going on . the real question remained . would he allow it ? i knew hed most likely turn me away , but i had to try , though the knife would be sure to plunge from my ribs through to my spine . my hand brushed his cheek , and i lifted to my toes to meet his lips . he didnt push me away but didnt kiss back either . his voice barely made sound . i continued to taste him , and his lips began to move . then he turned his head to the side , breathing faster . my hand on his cheek , i turned his head to face me . please , jonathan . he didnt move for what felt like forever , as if he was reading me , discerning my intentions . i did my best to hide , to stop him from seeing why i was here , the real reason i was here . you want it this time , he said . a tear spilled down the side of my cheek . something changed in his expression . he took a step closer and met my lips . his hands curved over my neck , into my hair . my heart pounded , and his warmth made the tiny room spin . i 'd have fallen if he hadnt been holding me . then his tongue slid against mine , and i couldnt comprehend any other sensations . id never really been kissed before ; not like this ; no comparison . i moved his hand past my shoulder , brushing against the silk of the camisole , to my waist , and he pulled me closer , pressing . if there had been any doubt or fight left , it was now completely gone . we werent stopping . i pushed him back to sit on the bed and stood in front of him . i lifted the camisole off . he didnt meet my eyes anymore , and his hand slowly crept up my skin to curve around my breast . eyes closed , he swallowed . i touched his forearm to encourage . its been a long time for you . ill teach you the ropes . he smiled , then stood , picking me up , and he lay down with me on the narrow bed . ill be doing the teaching . for half a second i tried to think of a witty retort , but then he was kissing me . time passedi wasnt sure how longand we spent it simply absorbing the feel of each other , his lips at my neck , then trailing down my chest , and back to my mouth , no longer tentative . his touch was perfect . the roughness of his hands as they lightly trailed made my skin tingle , made everything tingle . he shifted , and so quickly i wasnt sure how he did it , he removed my shortsmy last article . his hand slid slowly down my skin , but paused before ... are you sure you want it ? id forgotten how to speak . as i sat up , knees bent to the sides , i brushed my hand along his inseam up to his button and zipper . his breathing doubled . gently , i moved fabric out of the way . id never actually touched a man , didnt really know what i was doing , how to make it feel good for him he found my lips , and with an arm around my shoulders , he lay me down .

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... stupid on our anniversary ... `` you know it 's our anniversary ? '' i could have heard incorrectly . how could i forget our anniversary ? i ca n't forget a thing about you , emily . '' he starts to walk toward the couch and grabs my hand , pulling me behind him . he flops down then pulls me into his lap . his thumb graces the outer edges of my smile . `` i remember that you hate high heels . '' his hand ghosts down my leg and then draws my leg up . he grasps my spiked heel and slips it off my foot . he tosses the shoe to the floor before he begins to rub my toes . after a few moments , his hand slides up my arm to my neck , landing on my earlobe . `` i remember that you only wear stud earrings because you 're afraid of getting them caught on something . '' his tongue snakes out a lightly traces the tip of my ear . `` i also remember that you do n't wear necklaces ... . '' his hand floats to cup my neck and then draws a finger down my breastbone and into my enhanced cleavage . ethan shifts on the sofa and pulls something from his pocket . he hands me a small black box with a red bow . `` but i 'm hoping to change that . '' ethan finishes . i open the box and see the most delicate , yet beautiful necklace . a small silver disc holds the date we pledged our love for each other . one year ago , today . i find that i ca n't resist this thoughtful man . not only has he not forgotten our anniversary , but he has also purchased the perfect gift . i seductively maneuver myself so that i 'm facing ethan . i straddle his lap and then kiss him like my life depends on it . you 're perfect , '' i mumble in between kisses . i always get this feeling when ethan and i are about to do it . it 's still a million tiny butterflies bouncing in my stomach trying to break free . honestly , it 's the best feeling . the greatest part , though , is that each time is better than the last . i 'm not sure if ethan has been swapping stories in the stock room - although i doubt it , it 's not his style - or reading up on the internet , but things have really ... exploded for us in the bedroom department . there was a get-to-know-you period , which was followed by the awkward-movements period . then there was the this-works-so-let's-do-it-this-way-all-the-time period . lately , we 'd found the `` life is like a box of chocolates ... '' period . and let me tell you , i may not know what i 'm `` gon na get , '' but that shit is good . `` chocolate '' is never a bad thing . `` and i remember , '' ethan pauses , breathing me in . `` you love it when i kiss you here , '' he finishes and then sucks my nipple into his mouth . the contrast in sensation of his soft , wet mouth and the lace fabric has me beyond aroused . `` new rule : all panties must be like this . '' his hands rub across the exposed flesh of my butt , grabbing a handful of cheek to accentuate his point . ethan 's kiss is now languid , his tongue reaching out and teasing my body . as he moves upward , our eyes connecting once again , he beckons my mouth to open and allow him inside . i 'm totally lost to this man and would submit to anything he wanted but after a few moments , i remember i have a plan . `` let 's move to the bedroom , '' i say in my most seductive voice . `` i have more surprises for you . '' before i even have a chance to stand , ethan grabs me and stands , coaxing me to wrap my legs around him . he does n't carry me like this often , but when he does , there is no safer feeling in this world . he is totally supporting me , exerting his masculinity . i feel small pressed against him - a protector and his charge . `` i love you , '' i whisper and rest my head on his shoulder . the journey down the hall to the bedroom is too short . i could stay wrapped up in ethan this way forever , but i have a massage to render , so i regrettably pull myself from the security of his arms . `` clothes off and lie down , '' i command . ethan raises a brow at me , showing he 's a little shocked by my demand . his smile , however , tells me he likes it . he quickly sheds his clothes and lies face down on the bed . `` no peeking , '' i say while removing my bra and panties . i grab the oil from the nightstand and pour a liberal amount in my palm then rub my hands together . i slide my hands over his back and down over his backside , eliciting a moan from ethan before i move myself into position .

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she could help me sort out this mess . ellie never had any trouble in the guy department . her looks were dark and exotic and she exuded enough sexy confidence to capture any man 's attention . i felt like a fish out of water when it came to men . especially a man like ben . i prayed she 'd have some answers for me . if i was to survive the next three months , i needed help . glancing at the clock , i realized it was afternoon in new york . ellie was likely at work . but with any luck , i could catch her . i paced my hotel room as the phone rang . other than calling my mom when i 'd arrived , it was the first time i put my international calling plan to work . she answered after several rings . `` how 's paree ? how 's the megabitch ? the new roommate 's a nightmare . '' my shoulders relaxed at the familiar sound of her voice and i sunk onto the bed . god , girl , i miss you . i need some girl time , bad . '' `` what 's his name , sweetheart ? '' `` name sounds harmless enough . so what 's the story with this ben ? '' `` he 's the reason we 're here all spring . ben shaw . just google him . he 's way out of my league . '' `` so what , you want to know how to get him to notice you ? '' i could hear ellie typing-at work , no doubt . we 've hung out a couple of times , but god , ellie , he 's a freaking supermodel . i like him , but seriously , what chance do i have ? '' `` hush , you 're as cute as they come . okay , please hold , i 'm google-stalking him now . i need a visual . '' i swallowed nervously and lay back against the bed , waiting for her to confirm i had no business crushing on this man . `` fuck me running , he 's hot . i 'd peel those calvin kleins off with my teeth . nibble on that package . '' sadly , i knew the exact photo she was looking at . it was one of the first images that came up on google when you typed in his name . `` seriously , i 'd bite that firm c*ck right through the fabric . just gnaw on it . '' there was no beating around the bush with ellie . she always said exactly what was on her mind . which is why i knew her advice would be perfect . `` is he really that hot in person ? without the perfect lighting and camera angles ? '' `` hotter , '' i confirmed . something about the deep tone of his voice , the confident way he carried himself , his intelligence . `` damn honey . so ... you guys have hung out ... ... '' ellie urged me to continue . `` yes , grabbing drinks , stuff like that , and of course i 've seen him on set . he 's sent me a couple of naughty texts . '' `` ohhh , a hot boy who knows the value of dirty sexting . `` yeah , but i just feel so out of my element . i 'm torn between keeping things professional and dropping my panties every time i see him . '' she laughed that deep , throaty chuckle i missed . `` my vote is panties off . '' `` well ... about that ... '' i hesitated . the lie slipped easily off my tongue . `` just a little messing around . '' with his penis in my vag**a. thirty minutes ago . `` okay , well , if you really like him ... make him wait for sex . guys like the chase . do n't give up the p right away . '' i dragged a hand through my tangled hair . `` seriously , just have fun , girl . even if he is a model , he 's still just a guy . '' `` ellie , he 's dated supermodels . and i 'm sure he 's used to girls throwing themselves at him left and right . '' `` yes , exactly , but that 's exactly what you 're not going to do . do n't be one of his groupies following him around like a lost puppy . be emmy . you 're funny , cool , and real . if he likes you , he likes you . '' i knew i could count on ellie . `` okay , well , i 've got ta get back to work . oh , and em ... do n't fall in love with him . '' asking me not to fall in love with ben was like asking a meth dealer not to let you get addicted . `` thanks for your advice . i ended the call and curled onto my side , hugging a pillow to my chest . the scent of ben was still on my skin . i could recall in perfect detail the way he felt deep inside me , his hard body moving above mine .

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`` do you know where he came from ? how old he was ? who made him ? '' the answers to any of those questions could help pinpoint where a werewolf might hide , who he might hang with . sadly , i knew the answers to none of them in relation to hector menendez . `` i did n't know he was a werewolf until i saw him - `` i broke off as a vivid image flashed through my brain . my little sister , jimmy , mama . hector 's blue eyes shining from the face of a white wolf . jessie grabbed my hand , squeezed hard enough to make me wince . `` i thought you were going to pass out there for a second . '' i straightened and pulled away . i 'd done enough fainting for one lifetime . being irritated with jessie helped me focus on the here and now instead of my past . which was probably why she was being so annoying . or maybe she just came by it naturally . `` hector told me he was from texas . corpus christi . he sold drugs . '' `` dealer ? '' `` pharmaceutical rep. '' jessie turned a startled laugh into a cough . `` and none of that was true ? '' i 'd met him in a restaurant where i 'd gone for dinner with my parents . he 'd been sitting in the bar alone , listening to music - norah jones , i think . funny what you remember about one of the most important moments of your life . he was tall and handsome ; his dark skin and hair , combined with his light eyes and a well-trimmed goatee , gave him an exotic appearance . to little miss kansas and her white-bread , perfect life , hector had been danger and desire all rolled into one . i 'd gone out with him a few times - secretly , of course . i 'd been young , foolish , captivated , for a little while . hector was quick to take insult - both real and imagined . he had a short temper and very little tolerance for anyone who was different from himself . an odd trait in a man named menendez . `` you have n't heard from him since ? '' `` he called me at the hospital . '' i may have imagined the calls . '' as i 'd imagined so many things . i did n't want to remember all that hector had told me - his plans , our future , his obsession . she eyed me for a long moment , then let it go . i 'd had the same thoughts . that jessie had them , too , helped . `` i 'll keep my eyes open . a guy like that should n't be hard to spot in a town like this . '' and if i saw him first i was n't going to wait around to see the whites of his eyes . i doubted jessie would , either . the very thought made me feel stronger , more in control , safer . i paused , then forced myself to blurt , `` he has a tattoo . '' `` not a good thing to leave out , leigh . a tattoo of what ? '' `` pentagram . '' `` is n't that supposed to be protection against a werewolf ? '' jessie did n't know everything . a pentagram is a five-pointed star . some believe it 's evil ; others believe it 's good . '' since the only time i 'd ever seen one was as a tattoo on hector 's chest , i kind of thought the pentagram was satan 's tool . `` supposedly , depending upon how the star is positioned , it can summon the powers of light or the powers of darkness . '' `` i guess we know which one hector was after . '' `` so where was this tattoo ? '' i tapped a finger between my breasts . jessie 's mouth fell open . i did n't need to explain how i 'd seen hector 's chest . i 'm sure she could figure it out . `` i doubt i 'll get a good look at a stranger 's breastbone , '' she remarked . i doubted she would , either , but i 'd told her all i knew . now we had to figure out if he was slinking around town . knowing hector , we would n't see him until it was too late . `` i ran an internet search on cannibals . '' jessie 's rapid change of subject left me blinking . she shoved some papers across the desk . `` will said the original weendigo was a man who ate human flesh . '' `` that 's just a legend . '' `` so are werewolves . '' i picked up the papers and started to read . albert fish - 1935 stanley dean baker - 1970 omaima nelson - 1993 nathaniel bar-jonah - 1996 and , of course , jeffrey dahmer , the man who made milwaukee famous . the accounts were gruesome , nauseating , thorough .

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i never thought id see you two again , he said glancing between him and hector . and this must be the almighty hunter blake . he gloated , obviously enjoying himself . forget your lines ? hunter simply glared . dirk walked around them once then stopped . so wheres the mastermind ? wheres hamilton ? he bug out on you ? all three men looked around . hamilton was nowhere to be seen . hamilton ? hector asked then chuckled . somos los tres caballeros , he said in spanish . dirk took a swing connecting with hectors jaw . hector had to take a step back as a result , wiping a trickle of blood from his lip . that was an intelligent move , he said . dirk bellowed , taking a step closer . i dont need any of your smart remarks ! so , is this everyone ? the man asked , as he sauntered up to the group of men . we dont know at the moment , dirk said . bulls in pursuit , i take it ? he usually gets his man . he grinned at hunter . hunter stood staring in disbelief . hunter , hunter . so sorry about the circumstances . if only your brother had been more cooperative some time back , you would have never been drug into all of this . now look at whats happened . he shook his head feigned sorrow . all of you right here with me and my merry men . hunter glowered at him . youre involved in all of this ? daniel momentarily showed a puzzled look then a grin crossed his face . i suppose you could say im involved . why all of this ? two reason , he said . i enjoy having power . i like having lots of power and money . you can have anything you want in the world with enough money and power . youre a powerful producer and make all kinds of money . you amuse me , hunter , he said . you call that power ? being a producer ? the movie industry is small potatoes compared to the empire ive built . and as for the money , you can not even begin to comprehend the kind of money im making . if it werent for your misplaced values , you could have been part of this too . but , alas , you dont quite fit the profile of the kind of people i want to work with , at least not in the world of real money and power . you wont get away with any of this ! seriously hunter ? and besides , whatever it is you think im doing ... whos going to stop me ? well thats going to be a little difficult now , isnt it ? besides , even if you managed to escape no ones going to believe you . ive been a victim in all of this . havent you been watching the news recently ? all of you are under suspicion for murder , corruption , drugs , money laundering ... you name it . and as we speak , a reward has been posted for any information as to the whereabouts of each one of you . youre full of ... hunter didnt finish his thought . we have been watching the news . no one here is in any kind of trouble . that all depends on how you look at things , hunter . you see , the authorities have only recently discovered a great deal of evidence implicating all of you one way or another ... in the last forty-eight hours , to be exact . isnt that right , fellas ? he asked his henchmen . and by tomorrow evening , the news will be alive with reports about all of you and how deeply involved youve each been in a massive international drug smuggling , human trafficking , and money laundering operation . daniel strolled to one side . of course , after the untimely demise of our dear friend gerry and his insufferable and greedy wife ... you had him killed ! they had become useless to me . carolyn in particular . gerry was simply collateral damage , im afraid . couldnt be helped , he glared at hunter . but back to the topic at hand , i ordered my attorneys to do some ... mmm , lets say , investigating . they have discovered , and will be providing to the authorities , ample and compelling evidence of your guilt in particular , hunter , plus it all ties in with gerry . all those trips you took with him and his wife to mexico , the photos we have of you mingling with drug lords down there . i didnt mingle with anyone like that ! schmoozed with the ladies ? everyone at that estate was part of the operation , even those lovely ladies posing as housekeepers and laundry maids . hunter could only stare in disbelief . the purpose of having you accompany the allensbys on those trips was two-fold . it provided legitimacy for the trips and ... he stopped to chuckle , for insurance purposes . someone was always taking photos of you and your delightful and lovely companions ... everywhere doing everything . and then there are the photos of you taking part in that handoff in arizona . very compelling evidence . obviously i have the resources to pay for information .

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she rose to meet him at his level , but still had to tilt her head back . how tall was he , anyway ? well over six feet . `` this discussion is over , mr. patrick , until i talk to my attorney . '' mine will be calling you . but be warned , ms. hightower , i always get what i want , and i will be a father to my child . make it easy on yourself , accept that and do n't prolong this . '' he turned on his heel , flung open her door and stalked out of her office , sucking all the oxygen with him as he went . sapped of strength , but conversely filled with an energizing surplus of adrenaline , nicole sank into her chair . because if ryan patrick had his way she would be giving up far more than the right to mother her baby . she might never see her child again . two a pparently it did n't matter which side of the desk nicole sat on . today was her day to receive bad news . she stared in dismay at the woman in front of her . `` you 're saying he 's correct . ryan patrick has more right to my baby than i do ? `` while her attorney 's smile and brown eyes were sympathetic , they did n't offer much encouragement . the clinic confirmed his story . biologically , this is his child unless dna testing proves otherwise . '' `` but my doctor said i could n't do prenatal dna testing without significant risk to the baby . so that 's out of the question . '' nicole had called her in a panic the minute ryan patrick left her office . `` i do n't think i can stand seven more months of uncertainty . '' and it really is n't necessary since the lot number of ryan patrick 's ... contribution was found written on your record . too bad the technician did n't double-check it beforehand . '' she was carrying a stranger 's baby . not patrick 's . disappointment and helpless frustration filled her with an antsy urge to climb out of her skin . `` is the contract even valid since the baby is n't patrick 's ? '' `` the wording states you 're providing them with a child , and that you have no intention of claiming that child . it does n't specify paternity . the agreement is pretty ironclad . they used all the right phrases to protect themselves in case you changed your mind , and since we did n't think that would be an issue , i did n't strike or amend the clause . '' a heavy weight settled on nicole 's chest . `` i do n't want ryan patrick to get custody . if he does , i may never see my baby again . at least beth promised me i could be a hands-on aunt . '' `` but you did n't get that promise in writing , so it would n't hold up in court . i wish i could say the chances of mr. patrick winning at least partial custody were slim , but they 're not . `` this is n't your fight , nicole , unless you elect to try and revoke your surrogacy contract which i can tell you will be a tough and expensive battle . if you choose that route you 'll fight your sister and her husband first , and then the winner of your battle will fight the baby 's father . '' a lose-lose proposition . `` breaking the contract would destroy my relationship with my family . her attorney nodded . `` then your first order of business is to talk to beth and patrick . tell them what you 've discovered . make sure they still want to adopt this child . their decision determines your next action . '' the idea of confronting beth and patrick and the fear of what they 'd say made her queasy . her dream of having patrick 's baby had become a nightmare . she 'd given up long ago on ever having children of her own . `` if beth and patrick no longer want this baby , can i keep it ? '' `` your odds of winning either way are not good . the day you signed the waiver to relinquish to your sister and brother-in-law you knowingly entered into this agreement with no intention of parenting this child . precedents in texas and california have granted custody to the father in similar situations . '' but even if she could keep her baby , what did she know about good parenting ? her parents certainly had n't set an example to emulate . they 'd been gone more than they 'd been at home , and when they 'd been at home they both tended to be self-centered . not a pretty picture despite the united front they presented to the world . `` in the meantime , '' her attorney continued , `` i 'll pursue legal action against the clinic . besides their negligence , they 've violated so many rules and regulations by releasing your personal information to mr. patrick without following proper legal channels that the courts and several regulatory agencies will be occupied for a long time . ''

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some of them died , and some of us died . but then one of them and one of us met and decided not to try to kill each other , and exchanged gifts instead . that knife was one of those gifts . `` that 's an interesting story , '' gau said . `` and i think i 'm correct in supposing that this story has some implication for why you 're here . '' `` it 's up to you , sir , '' i said . `` you might just decide it 's a nice stone knife . '' `` i do n't think so , '' gau said . `` administrator perry is a man who plays with subtext . it 's not lost on me what it means that he has sent his daughter to deliver a message . but then to offer this particular gift , with its particular story . he 's a man of some subtlety . '' `` but the knife is not from my dad . it 's from me . '' `` indeed , '' gau said , surprised . `` that 's even more interesting . administrator perry did n't suggest it ? '' `` he does n't know i had the knife , '' i said . `` and he does n't know how i got it . '' `` but you did intend to send me a message with it , '' gau said . `` one to complement your adopted father 's . '' `` i hoped you 'd see it that way , '' i said . gau set the knife down . `` tell me what administrator perry has to tell me , '' he said . `` you 're going to be assassinated , '' i said . `` someone is going to try , anyway . it 's someone close to you . someone in your trusted circle of advisors . dad does n't know when or how , but he knows that it 's planned to happen soon . he wanted you to know so you could protect yourself . '' general gau asked . `` your adopted father is an official of the colonial union . he was part of the plan that destroyed the conclave fleet and has threatened everything i have worked for , for longer than you have been alive , young human . why should i trust the word of my enemy ? '' `` the colonial union is your enemy , not my dad , '' i said . `` your dad helped kill tens of thousands , '' gau said . `` every ship in my fleet was destroyed but my own . '' `` he begged you not to call your ships to roanoke , '' i said . `` this was a place where he was all too subtle , '' gau said . `` he never explained how the trap had been set . he merely asked me not to call my fleet . a little more information would have kept thousands alive . '' `` he did what he could , '' i said . `` you were there to destroy our colony . he was n't allowed to surrender it to you . you know he did n't have many options . and as it was he was recalled by the colonial union and put on trial for even hinting to you that something might happen . he could have been sent to prison for the simple act of speaking to you , general . he did what he could . '' `` how do i know he 's not just being used again ? '' `` you said you knew what it meant that he sent me to give you a message , '' i said . `` i 'm the proof that he 's telling you the truth . '' `` you 're the proof he believes he 's telling me the truth , '' gau said . `` it 's not to say that it is the truth . your adopted father was used once . why could n't he be used again ? '' i flared at this . `` begging your pardon , general , '' i said . `` but you should know that by sending me to send you this warning , both my dad and my mom are absolutely assured of being labeled as traitors by the colonial union . they are both going to prison . you should know that as part of the deal to get the obin to bring me to you , i ca n't go back to roanoke . i have to stay with them . because they believe that it 's only a matter of time before roanoke is destroyed , if not by you then by some part of the conclave you do n't have any control over anymore . my parents and i have risked everything to give you this warning . it 's possible i 'll never see them or anyone else on roanoke again , because i am giving you this warning . now , general , do you think any of us would do any of this if we were not absolutely certain about what we are telling you ? general gau said nothing for a moment . then , `` i am sorry you have all had to risk so much , '' he said . `` then do my dad the honor of believing him , '' i said . `` you 're in danger , general . and that danger is closer than you think . ''

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`` no , '' tanni was honest enough to admit . tanni did n't answer right away . when she did respond , the words seemed to spew out . `` kristen is n't doing this because she wants to help these kids . `` well , no , but it 's obvious . she 's volunteering because she 's hoping for this citizen award that 's given out at graduation . '' olivia had gotten the award the year they 'd graduated . the rotary club gave it to a graduating senior with good marks who 'd shown leadership skills and had a history of volunteering in the community . `` she 'd never get it with her grades , '' tanni said scornfully . tanni hesitated . `` not for sure , but like i said , it 's obvious . '' it did n't appear all that obvious to grace . `` i think you 're making an assumption about kristen that might be way off base . '' `` it is n't , '' tanni said without a hint of doubt . this was added in the most contemptuous tone . `` you do n't like cheerleaders ? '' grace asked mildly . `` i was a cheerleader in high school , '' grace told her . tanni chanced a look in her direction . `` but things were a whole lot different back then . '' she made it sound like the days of the wild west , when covered wagons roamed the prairie . `` you know , '' tanni said with another shrug . `` cheerleaders these days are real airheads . kristen is , anyway . she 's got this laugh that makes me want to puke every time i hear it . '' grace wondered what that was about . tanni lifted one shoulder . they all do in that crowd . '' `` if you think i 'm jealous , you 're wrong ! shaw wilson . '' `` shaw who works at mocha mama 's ? '' `` he is n't there anymore . he 's at art school in san francisco . a friend of will jefferson 's helped him get in . it 's a really big deal that he was accepted . '' `` i did n't know shaw wanted to be an artist . '' grace was well aware that tanni 's mother , shirley bliss , was both gifted and successful . `` he 's really talented , '' tanni said , her voice fervent with conviction . `` how wonderful that he has this opportunity . '' she nodded , but grace could see that the girl missed her boyfriend . `` i 'll bet you 're at loose ends without him around , '' she said . tanni gave the same careless shrug , which was n't really a response . it 's one of the reasons i volunteered here . '' tanni raised her eyes to meet grace 's . `` you mean you want me to stay ? '' `` even if i do n't get along with kristen ? '' `` well , i 'm hoping you 'd be willing to cut her a little slack . '' `` drop the dirty looks and the sarcastic comments . '' tanni shuffled her feet back and forth . the thing is , '' she said wryly , `` it comes sort of instinctively . '' `` i 'm not saying you have to be friends , tanni . all i 'm asking is that you respect her and stop judging her motivations . so what if she volunteered because she 's going after the rotary award ? her being here is n't taking anything away from you , is it ? '' `` not really , '' she reluctantly agreed . tanni bent to grab her backpack . thanks for hearing me out . '' `` you 'll be back next week ? '' grace asked , following her to the office door . tanni nodded . `` i might not like kristen , but i think tyler and boomer are cool . '' seven rachel peyton stopped at the dry cleaners to pick up her good jacket on the way home from get nailed . as she waited , a wave of dizziness nearly overwhelmed her and she quickly found a chair . duck-hwan hyo asked , his eyes dark with concern . rachel tried to reassure him . `` yes , yes , i 'm fine , '' she said , but her voice sounded shaky . `` you have baby ? '' funny , the man at the dry cleaners had figured it out , but not her own husband . there were times bruce could be so dense that she wanted to hit him over the head with her shoe . she longed to tell her husband ; despite the fact that this pregnancy was n't planned , rachel was excited about the baby . duck called something in korean to his wife . the petite woman came out from the back of the shop and joined her husband at the front counter . they had a brief conversation that involved several sympathetic glances at rachel . `` you want tea ? '' his wife , su jin , asked softly . `` i make you cup of green tea . ''

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i lean on dereks shoulder . the leather of his jacket is wet , but i dont care . i feel a powerful surge of closeness to him that i dont want to end , so i leave him to his thinking , my head on his arm , strangely content even as we leave memphis , possibly with the cops on our tail , our future as uncertain as ever but with each other . which makes it all better , if only for a moment . chapter 20 we wait out the storm at a chinese restaurant in the shopping center and share a large helping of kung pao chicken and fried rice . its dark by the time the cloudbursts are over , and we reluctantly emerge from the climate-controlled restaurant into the muggy stifle of a late summer tennessee night . a maroon buick sedan picks us up and gets us as far as a rest stop between nashville and knoxville at half past one in the morning , where the talkative self-declared traveling salesman driver turns off the highway to disappear into the night . there arent many cars on the road , so the areas eerily quiet . the surrounding mountains are still , blanketed in fog . im just thankful that its not pouring down rain i can deal with a night sleeping on a concrete picnic bench , but it really sucks in the rain . we have the rest stop to ourselves , so we drop our stuff by one of the tables , and derek goes to the bathroom to rinse away any remaining dried blood and wash up . i sit back , tired and cranky now that my brilliant idea of going to memphis turned into an epic disaster . theres no cell service in the hills , so i content myself with staring at the distant constellations , imagining how many other people around the world are also sitting watching the stars at that very moment . headlights bump down the access road , and a yellow camaro pulls in and kills its engine . i look up when i hear the door slam and spot a rangy figure approaching from the car . its a man in his forties , his face lean and angular . i feel like an icy draft just blew through my soul when our eyes connect . when he smiles , i can make out in the moonlight that his teeth are crooked . hey , little darlin , whatchou doin out here in gods country at this hour ? i debate telling him to blow it out his ass , and remember how well my middle finger did in memphis , so decide to play nice . he takes another step closer , and my creepdar alarm is screaming full tilt . you lookin for a date , is that it ? i smell alcohol , and something else a stink like rotting garbage . im here with some people , i say . the mans eyes roam over the empty lot , and he licks his lips and smiles . it reminds me of a special on animal planet about moray eels . he glances at the two bags the guitars are on the other side , and its too dark for him to see them . with just that ? dont shit a shitter . how much for a little lovin , sweetie ? im cringing now , calculating whether i can bolt to the left . ive got aids and herpes , mister . and im on my period . i wish i had the can of pepper spray id taken from home , but i lost it at some point on one of my early scared nights in the park . he grabs my arms with a vice-like grip , and i scream . he clamps a hand over my mouth , and i try to bite him , but hes smiling like a lunatic hes enjoying me frightened and fighting him . i like em with a little spirit , girl . you got a real mouth on you , dont you ? how bout i show you what we do to little whores with smart mouths in these parts ? he hisses in my ear . the stench is overpowering . i try to kick him and land one on his shin , but he just laughs . he removes his hand from my mouth and slaps me , hard . my head jerks back , and tears well in my eyes and then hes sailing through the air , derek on top of him . they land on the ground , hard , and i realize derek must have flying tackled him . the perverts swinging at derek , but he doesnt stand a chance . dereks pummeling him , and im glad , but that changes to alarm as each blow sounds wet . thats enough , i say and grab his shoulders , but he shrugs me off and keeps pounding him . i grab his arm and hold it , but he keeps hitting the man with his other fist . i scream , really frightened now . if he keeps this up , hell kill him . im crying now . derek looks back at me like hes coming out of a dream . the dark glow slowly fades from his eyes as he realizes what hes done . he stares at his fists , bloody and ragged , and then slowly rises , moving like an old man .

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`` no , '' replied jason tightly , `` i think the less they know the better . you go straight up when we get in the house , and i 'll make up something to pacify them and no one will be the wiser . '' greatly relieved , claire murmured a quiet thank you and followed jason to the door . there was no sign of anyone in the foyer as she made her way up the stairs as quietly and quickly as possible . claire stepped inside her bedroom and went straight to the bathroom . she quickly peeled off her clothing and stepped into the steaming shower . with a moan , she closed her eyes and let the events of the evening fall away . she eased into the shower seat and laid her head back able to relax for the first time in hours , the steam from the shower causing her eyes to become heavy and hard to hold open . suddenly cold air rushed into the shower as the door was jerked open and claire was again in the bathroom with her boss . `` what 're you doing in here ? '' shrieked a furious claire . `` i was waiting in your room to make sure you were ok and when it became apparent that you were n't coming out and there was no noise coming from here other than the shower , i thought you might have fallen and hurt yourself . do you know how irresponsible it is to sleep in the bath or , heaven forbid , the shower ? '' `` well , add it to the long list of things about me that you find irresponsible ! let 's see , there 's my stripping , my drinking and now my sleeping in the shower ; is there anything else you want to add to that tonight jason ? '' she knew she was starting to get hysterical , so she jumped up , determined to get out of the shower and away from his prying eyes . too late , claire felt her feet start to lose purchase on the slick shower floor and flinging her arms out , desperate to find something to break her fall ; she felt pain shoot through her hip as it connected with the seat she 'd just been sitting on . strong arms were suddenly around her , and she was being lifted from the shower and cradled against a hard chest . despite her protests , jason gently deposited her onto a chair in the bedroom and quickly went back to the bathroom for her robe and towel . she grabbed the robe from his outstretched hand and tried to put it on without standing and giving jason a better view of her nak*d body . with a muttered oath , jason pulled her into a standing position and slid the robe on her arms and belted it around her waist . when this was completed to his satisfaction , he pushed her back down into the chair and began drying her hair with the towel . `` i can take it from here jason , '' said claire as she tried to get the towel from his hands . `` just sit still for a minute ; we do n't need yet another mishap to add to the evening . '' claire replied angrily , `` there would not have been a mishap if you had n't barged yet again into the bathroom with me , were you raised in a barn ? '' `` if you were more responsible , i would n't have to check the bathrooms to ensure your health . i 'm sorry for startling you though . '' since she knew that the admission must have cost him , claire decided to let the matter drop . as her boss dried her hair while she sat in front of him in nothing but a thin robe claire had to wonder where exactly she lost control of this weekend . what would happen to her if she lost her job with danvers over this whole mess ? jason was not one to tolerate any excuses or anything that disrupted the smooth flow he preferred at work . even if she was none of the things that he currently believed she was , she 'd little hope of ever getting him to believe it . maybe her only option was to throw herself on his mercy ; if that existed . `` there , i believe that 's close to dry . how is your hip feeling ? you do n't feel as if anything is broken do you ? '' `` no , it 's sore but i 'll be fine , thank you . jason , '' began claire tentatively , `` i want to explain about tonight and the nature of my job with partiez plus . '' jason ran his hand through his hair wearily and said , `` claire , we will talk about all of this tomorrow ; i 've reached my limit tonight , and if you insist on doing this now , i 'm not certain the outcome will be what you 'd hoped . '' she felt greatly relieved to end the evening while still technically employed so she quickly agreed , `` ok , tomorrow then . '' claire jumped up from the chair , and in her haste tripped on the edge of the robe and landed in a startled heap again his chest . her cheeks began to flame in embarrassment at displaying yet more of her clumsiness .

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unbroken , regular sleep , like everyone else in the world ! i 'm exhausted , ca n't you understand that ? i refuse to live the rest of my life knowing that you 're going to nudge me awake every hour ! '' that had been the extent of her comments ; it could n't even be classified as an argument , since he did n't have time to respond before she 'd rolled over with her back to him , muttering to herself-but it struck travis as so ... gabby-like that he breathed a sigh of relief . if she no longer worried about slipping into a coma again-and she swore she didn't-then he knew he should n't , either . or , at the very least , he could let her sleep . if he was honest with himself , he wondered whether the fear would ever disappear completely . now , in the middle of the night , he simply listened to the way she breathed , and when he noticed differences in the pattern , differences that had n't occurred when she 'd been in a coma , he was finally able to roll over and go back to sleep . they were all adjusting , and he knew that would take time . they had yet to talk about the fact that he 'd disregarded the living will , and he wondered whether they ever would . he had yet to tell gabby the extent of the imaginary conversations she 'd had with him while she was in the hospital , and she had little to say about the coma itself . she did n't remember anything : no aromas , no sounds from the television , nothing about his touch . `` it 's like time just ... it was all as it should be . behind him , he heard the screen door creak open and he turned . in the distance , he could see molly lying in the tall grass off to the side of the house ; moby , old guy that he was , was sleeping in the corner . travis smiled as gabby spied her daughters , noting her content expression . as christine pushed lisa on the tire swing , both of them giggling madly , gabby took a seat in the rocker beside travis . `` but i think i 'll let them play for a few more minutes . they 're having such a good time . '' they wore me out earlier . '' `` do you think that maybe later , when stephanie gets here , we can all head over to the aquarium ? and maybe have some pizza afterward ? i 've been dying for pizza . '' he smiled , thinking he could stay in this moment forever . oh yeah , that reminds me . i forgot to tell you that your mom called when you were in the shower . '' `` i 'll call her back in a little while . and i 've got to call about the heat pump , too . the girls ' room just would n't cool off last night . '' `` i can probably fix it . '' the last time you tried to fix it , we had to buy a whole new unit . `` i remember you did n't give me enough time . '' `` yeah , yeah , '' she teased . `` do you want to eat out here or inside ? '' he pretended to debate the question , knowing it was n't really important . here or there , they would all be together . he was with the woman and daughters he loved , and who could ever need or want anything more than that ? the sun shone bright , flowers were blooming , and the day would pass with a careless ease that had been impossible to imagine the winter before . it was just a normal day , a day like any other . but most of all , it was a day in which everything was exactly the way it should be . prologue christmas eve 1998 exactly forty days after she 'd last held the hand of her husband , julie barenson sat looking through her window toward the quiet streets of swansboro . it was cold ; the sky had been angry for a week , and the rain made gentle tapping sounds against the window . trees were barren , their cragged limbs curling in the frigid air like arthritic fingers . she knew jim would have wanted her to listen to music tonight ; she could hear bing crosby singing `` white christmas '' in the background . she 'd put up the tree for him as well , though by the time she 'd made that decision , the only trees left were dried out and sparse , free for the taking outside the supermarket . even when she finished decorating it , she could n't summon the energy to care . it had been hard to feel anything at all since the tumor in jim 's brain finally took his life . at twenty-five , she was a widow and she hated everything about the word : how it sounded , what it implied , the way her mouth moved when she formed the word . she avoided it completely . if people asked how she was doing , she simply shrugged . but sometimes , just sometimes , she had the urge to answer .

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it looked way too large to ever fit inside her , and as much as she wanted to be a true wife and consummate their marriage , she could n't imagine that it could be done without considerable pain and effort on her part . still , such a step was important if she was to be a true wife to graeme and she wanted that . wanted his acceptance and eventually his clan 's acceptance , if they could ever reach that point . she did n't want to forever be the wife that graeme montgomery was saddled with , nothing more than a penance he had to pay for forced peace with her father 's clan . she quickly forced her gaze forward when graeme finished dressing , and a moment later , he settled onto the seat beside her before the fire . she glanced up at him , not wanting to miss anything he would say , but he remained silent , his gaze focused on the flames . perhaps she should kiss him again . she certainly wanted to , but was nervous about how receptive he 'd be now that she no longer had the element of surprise . she licked her lips in anticipation and continued to stare up at him . as if feeling the force of her gaze , he turned in her direction . his brown eyes glowed from the light of the fire and he seemed to study her , almost as if weighing his thoughts and words . `` i do not know what to do with you , eveline armstrong . '' she could feel the resignation in the way he held his body and the expression on his face . she frowned , not liking the implications of such a statement . `` i know not if what i am feeling is right and i do not like the guilt that plagues me for enjoying our kiss as i did . '' she smiled then , her heart suddenly lighter than it had been just moments before . she felt suddenly shy and would have averted her gaze , but knew it was too important to be able to see whatever he would say next . then she reached up to touch his chin , slowly moving her fingers over his lips . he closed his eyes , seeming to find pleasure in her touch . before he could reopen them , she rose up to press her mouth against his . the fur fell partially away from her body , but she paid it no heed as her lips covered the firm line of his mouth . she wanted to taste him again , to take his tongue inside again and feel it against her own . his breath vibrated against her lips as he let out a sigh . of resignation ? of surrender ? she knew not , only that his mouth parted and his tongue stroked warmly over hers , returning her kiss in full measure . there seemed to be no reluctance , no sign that he was fighting this strengthening emotion between them . it was the sweetest pleasure eveline had ever experienced . she wanted the moment to last forever , but graeme was the first to pull away , his eyes half-lidded as he stared down at her . gently , he set her away from him . it felt more symbolic than a simple separation , almost as if he were erecting a visible barrier between them or that perhaps he needed the distance . `` i have matters to attend to , '' he said . without looking at her again , he rose and walked to the doorway of their chamber . she did n't look over her shoulder , as tempted as she was to do so . she was both elated and disheartened by the kiss and resulting reactions . she stared down at her hands for a long moment , gathering her wildly scattered emotions . she had no experience in matters of the heart . her one exposure to a potential husband had been disastrous and she 'd vowed never to allow herself into a situation such as the one she would have found herself in with ian mchugh . and the truth of the matter was , she had n't had a choice with graeme , and it could have turned out as bad as or worse than any marriage to ian . she 'd merely been fortunate that graeme did n't seem intent on ill-using her and that he showed her kindness instead of vengeance . taking a deep breath , she stood , allowing the fur to fall away , and then she walked to the bed where rorie had laid out a dress for her to change into . she would n't allow anything to spoil today . not spiteful clan members . not her own doubts and misgivings or her fears over revealing the truth to graeme . she 'd enjoyed her first kiss , her first taste of passion , and the stirrings of a desire she wanted to pursue . knowing that rorie would likely be curious as to what prompted graeme carrying her back to the keep and that she might even be concerned , eveline headed down the stairs , determined to brave the gauntlet . she was graeme 's wife , whether his clan wanted to accept it or not . she 'd accepted it , and if she had her way , graeme would accept it soon as well . in time , his clan would follow suit . when she reached the bottom of the stairs , she sucked in a deep breath and rounded the doorway leading into the hall .

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intrigued , she glanced up at him , cocking her head to the side . `` you on top . you calling the shots . '' `` mmmm , i 'm liking this idea . definitely has merit . '' `` then get to it , baby . take your man to bed and ride him . '' she leaned up to kiss him , palming his face in her hands as she held him for the lusty , hot kiss . `` mmmm , '' he returned , mimicking her sound of pleasure . `` my beautiful little submissive likes the idea of being in charge for a night . '' she loved those words from his lips . his beautiful little submissive . the way he said it . so much tenderness and affection in his voice . and she knew what he was doing . she loved him even more for it . he was wiping away the thoughts of michael . of her relationship with him . the fact that he never gave back anything he took . tonight ash was offering her the most precious gift she could receive . him relinquishing control to her . this was not a man who ever handed over control or dominance . and she did n't delude herself . she was in charge but he would effectively be topping from the bottom . because she knew he would still be in control . he would just be controlling her being in control . `` get on the bed , '' she said huskily . `` flat on your back , head on the pillow . `` baby , i have to say , you on top of me with me deep inside you ? does n't matter where i am . i 'll be comfortable . '' she smiled and caressed his jaw before turning him toward the bed . she had no idea how to do this . did n't even have a strong desire to be the one in control . but it was what he wanted and what he wanted to give to her , so she 'd do it without reservation . he did her bidding , stretching his long frame over the bed . his c*ck jutted upward , reaching for his navel as he lay on his back . it was straining , utterly rigid , the head dark plum and liquid already seeping from the slit . she crawled onto the bed between his legs and slowly made her way up his body on her hands and knees . she dipped her head and licked over his sac , rolling the balls with her mouth . he moaned softly and twisted , adjusting his position so she had better access . she tongued the sac , sucking it lightly into her mouth before nibbling her way up to the base of his cock . then she swiped her tongue up the underside , tracing the thick vein all the way to the head . when she got to the top , she hesitated a brief moment , circling the tip with her tongue . then she sucked him deep in one swift motion . his h*ps shot off the bed , arching up , pushing him farther into her mouth . `` goddamn , josie . feels so good , baby . that mouth of yours is pure sin . '' his hand tangled in her hair , holding her down to meet his thrust . yes , he 'd relinquished control to her , but he was still very much in command of the situation . for several long moments she sucked and licked , enjoying the way he twitched and quivered beneath her . then he pulled her head away , his hand still wrapped tightly in her hair . `` baby , if you 're going to get on , you need to do it now . i 'm close , and i wo n't last much longer . want you with me when i go . '' she raised her head , freeing her hair from his grasp . then she swung one leg over his , straddling him . she inched forward until his erection was nestled at the juncture of her thighs . leaning forward , she planted both palms on his chest and levered herself up . `` put it in me , ash . '' his eyes glittered brightly as he reached down to fist his cock . he stroked through her folds with his other hand , fingering her cl*t as he positioned himself . when he nudged the head of his dick against her opening , she lowered herself , capturing his erection . he pulled his hands free and then curled his fingers around her hips , anchoring her to him as she slid farther down to fully envelop him . with a contented sigh , she took him all the way in . the sensation of fullness was overwhelming . even more so than when he 'd f**ked her with the plug in her ass . she felt unbelievably small and tight and he felt enormous stuffed into her p**sy . every movement sent a twinge of unbelievable pleasure winging through her abdomen . she lifted up , moaning when he began to slide back the way he 'd come . `` jesus , '' ash ground out . you 're clamped around me like a greedy fist , baby . never felt anything like it . '' she put more weight on her hands and pressed harder into his chest . he did n't seem to mind one bit .

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`` i ... '' she opened her mouth to object , then merely said , `` he 'd want to know . '' `` of course he would , but you do n't have to tell him everything . the only important thing here is that you 're somewhere safe and that you 're taking care of yourself . '' `` are you suggesting i lie to my husband ? '' `` not lie , exactly . i 'm saying do n't fill in all the blanks . as it happens , the house i 'm sharing belongs to a friend of mine . i have a room , but there 's a third bedroom available . unfortunately , bob 's deployed right now , so it would just be the two of us . if you 're uncomfortable with that , i understand . '' she exhaled , feeling torn . his idea did seem like a good solution , but she could only imagine how bruce would react if he discovered the truth . for obvious reasons , the two men were n't on the best of terms . `` it might help you decide if i tell you i 'm seeing someone . '' actually , that did help . `` serious enough . i 'm out with emily three or four nights a week . you 'd have the house to yourself most of the time . '' `` what kind of rent does bob charge ? '' nate mentioned an amount that was more than reasonable , then added , `` you would n't be expected to cook or clean or anything else if that 's what you 're thinking . '' she nibbled her lower lip as she considered his suggestion . he 'd given her an option she had n't expected . `` before you answer , why do n't you come over and check out the place . '' `` you want to get away for a while , do n't you ? '' she did , and nate knew that . `` someplace where bruce and his daughter would never think of looking ? '' `` do n't worry about me , '' nate told her once again . `` i loved you , rachel , i really did , but i 've moved on . however , i care about you , which is why i brought up this arrangement . if you 're concerned about what might result from the two of us being in the same house , then let me assure you right now , nothing 's going to happen . '' `` i 'll go see the place . '' he left money to pay for their drinks , then slid out of the booth . rachel stood and immediately felt dizzy . she would have stumbled if nate had n't grabbed her elbow . she closed her eyes and tried to remember . listen , no arguments . once you 've toured the house , i 'm fixing you something to eat . '' `` i 'm surprised you do n't remember that i 'm a man of many talents . '' his smile was just the salve she needed , his friendship the mainstay that would see her through this upheaval in her life . she followed nate to the bremerton address he gave her . the house was in a nearby neighborhood , convenient to the navy base . the two-story structure , built after the second world war , had a large front porch and shuttered windows . it was meant for a family . unexpected emotion swelled up inside rachel as she looked at the house . her mother had been a single parent and her aunt had never married . all her life rachel had yearned to be part of a family . when she married bruce , she 'd felt as if she finally belonged . she had a husband and a stepdaughter and they were bonded together by love . it did n't take long for that dream to shatter and now , once more , she was on the outside ... ? . the baby stirred , and she pressed her palm against her stomach , hoping her child would one day know the love of a father , a mother and a big sister . nate asked , again clasping her elbow as though he feared she might crumple onto the pavement . without answering , she accompanied him up the walkway to the steps . `` i do my best to keep the place neat , but you have to remember i 'm a guy and housekeeping is low on my priority list . '' `` i 'll remember , '' she said , managing a glimmer of a smile . the house was n't in bad shape . a few newspapers and magazines were scattered about but the sink was empty of dirty dishes and the living room free of clutter . the furniture , large and dark , was n't anything she would 've purchased , but it would suffice . `` let me show you the extra bedroom , '' nate said , steering her down the long hallway . she asked , curious about what he found so amusing . `` i promised there 'd be nothing romantic between us , and the first thing i do is take you to the bedroom . '' `` sorry , the irony was too much for me . '' `` i guess it does sound rather ... compromising . '' the room he showed her was pretty basic .

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`` now , '' she breathed , her entire body taught with desire . `` kevin , it 's got to be now . '' `` soon , cher , '' he murmured , as he slowly-oh so slowly-slipped a finger inside of her . she was incredibly hot , deliciously wet , and his entire body clenched with need . he slowly pulled his finger out and she whimpered , h*ps lifting , before she could control herself . `` kevin , '' she gasped . he smiled , darkly , as he raised his finger to his mouth . he breathed deeply , loving the spicy-sweet scent of her . `` delicious , '' he murmured before sliding his finger into his mouth and taking her essence inside him . she moaned , her fists twisting in the sheets as she bucked frantically against him . her voice was high , sharp , and he knew that he had pushed her as far as she could take . but he wanted to do so much more . he wanted to bury his face between her thighs and feast until she screamed in ecstasy . he wanted to kiss every inch of her body , make her crazy with desire until she could think of nothing , of no one , but him . but she was whimpering , frantic , and he could n't take any more of her cries without exploding . he grabbed a condom and quickly rolled it over himself before reaching between them and flicking a finger once , twice , over her clit . ecstasy roared through her and serena screamed , her fingers grabbing at his shoulders , her body wildly arching against his . he plunged into her as she came , moving hard and fast against her . intensifying her orgasm , building toward his own . her legs twined around his , her feet digging into the back of his thighs as he pounded into her . `` again , '' she murmured . he grinned , watching her beautiful eyes dilate with passion . she was hot , disheveled , sweaty . loved knowing she could let go like this , loved knowing that she wanted him as much as he wanted her . kevin reached down , drew her nipple into his mouth . he sucked hard as he continued moving inside of her . he was close , so close he thought he 'd explode any second . his balls were boiling , his c*ck throbbing , but he wanted to make her come again . needed to see her face as it ripped through her . had to be inside of her when it happened this time . she was sobbing , her hands tangled in his hands as her body shuddered over and over again . come for me again . i have to feel you . '' his words were strangled as he moved faster and faster , loving the warm , wet feel of her muscles clenching around his cock . he lowered his mouth to her breast , sucked hard even as he reached between them and stroked her clit . serena screamed , her body bucking wildly against him as a second orgasm-more intense and out of control than the first-ripped through her . he rode her through it , took her higher and higher until nothing existed but the intense , rolling pleasure that went on and on . grabbing her hips , he tilted them until she was open fully to him . he was going to explode , he could n't hold back any longer , he had to-with a groan of ecstasy he came , harder , longer , and more intensely than he ever had before . the world went black and he was lost , totally , to the insane pleasure overloading his senses . he was dimly conscious of serena 's own cries , of her body convulsing again and again , milking him as he emptied himself inside of her . * * * serena 's head was swimming . pleasure , satiation , confusion , fear-they chased each other around in her brain even as her limp body relaxed into the warmth of kevin 's . her breathing was still harsh , her head muddled , and a part of her wanted nothing more than to roll over and start the whole wonderful , confusing ride again . but she 'd been wild , out of control , totally unlike herself . she wanted to say something , anything , to keep the most beautiful experience in her life from becoming awkward . but she could already feel the tension coming back ; her skin felt too tight and her muscles were slowly turning rock-hard . she 'd poured her heart and soul out to kevin , both physically and verbally , and now she felt raw . they 'd planned a simple sexual encounter and she 'd gone and complicated it . she could feel his eyes on her , studying her even as his fingers tangled in her hair . she knew she should look at him , deal with the whole situation , but she was afraid . afraid of her lack of control , afraid of her emotions , and perhaps most important , afraid of the pity she thought she 'd see in his eyes . if he turned the most amazing sex of her life into a pity f**k she 'd completely lose it .

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use the food , she had said with a laugh ; it stays fresher that way . laura quickly found a plethora of sandwich meats , cheeses and other things necessary to construct a really fine sandwich of significant proportions . just as she was really starting to enjoy the experience , ryan arrived in the kitchen with about the same thing on his mind . we meet again , and so soon . i have about everything out here you could possibly want ; what can i assemble for you ? please , i can do it myself , really ; i dont want to put you out any . i enjoy this sort of thing . its a lot less complicated than other things in life , and i know the end result . not too many things like that anymore , so whatll it be ? start with some roast beef , thin slices for better flavor , layer of swiss with the big holes on one side of the beef , slice of provolone on the other , quartet of pepperoni slices for a little zest , light mayo on one whole wheat face , light mustard on the sourdough face , leaf lettuce , pickle on the side and some chips if i can find them , cut on a diagonal , no fancy toothpicks . yes , sounds great . howd you ever think of a combination like that ? id never think to use two different kinds of bread , or the pepperoni . guess im too conservative . i worked in the campus sandwich shop one semester ; money wasnt great , but the food supply was pretty endless . im a little out of practice . the kids can live on peanut butter and jelly , so my life has been pretty basic in that area . anyway , does this look like something you can get your teeth into , so to speak ? as she slid the loaded plate across the table hash house style . how about i find us some drinks . name your poison and ill see what i can find in the fridge . ice tea , unsweetened if possible . and the two sat across the table and dined , enjoying both the food and the conversation , with no idea that in the long run the scene had repetition possibilities . ryan seemed interested in the kids , asking what they did and how they thought about things , what they played , and if they got along with each other . laura was pleased to talk about her children ; richard had never seemed interested in any of that , yet this man whom she barely knew seemed truly interested . and never once did he mention the job offer or any of the other events of the day ; it was as though the two of them were on an island alone in the middle of the house . dishes in the washer , they parted ways for the day , each bidding the other a good night , each anticipating the morning . chapter 9 - acceptance laura walked out to alices cottage and found two happy but tired kids . so , not that i want to pry.yes , i guess i do just a bit . how do you think things went with the boys ? i have always had a pretty high opinion of all of them for the way they do things , always up front , discrete when they need to be , but most of all , just plain honest . but , i dont what to keep these kids up all night talking , so give . truthfully , alice , i dont really know . im afraid to look at the written offer . if i cant live on it , ill have to pass on a wonderful opportunity ; if its too high , ill think they expect too much . guess i need a hot shower , a cup of tea , and some time to think . the other thing is , i really want to ask you about ryan , but i dont want that to get in the way of my making a good decision for myself and the kids . that will have to wait for a bit , curious though i may be . anyway , i need to get these sleepyheads into bed before i have to carry them . thanks a bunch for watching them , again . everyone here has been such a help to us ; i mean that ; doris and the guys , even the pup dogs have been friendly . but , i dont want to wear out our welcome , and i have some decision making to do . okay , kids ; get it up off the ground ; time to turn in . your mother has a lot to think about yet tonight ; and laura , if i had to vote , even without knowing the whole deal , id hire you in a second just for the life you and the kids bring to this place . the last 24 hours have been a treat , to say the least . tomorrow brings what tomorrow brings , but i hope you stay , at least for a while . let us help you get things back together . i cant refuse an offer like that . anyway , by 8 am i guess well probably both know . news seems to travel pretty fast around here . only if we want it to . anyway , take care ; ill see you in the morning , after 8 . good night for now . with kids in tow , laura headed back for their room .

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im sure they will be here for breakfast shortly , he could hear mrs. mckinney say in a loud voice . you might as well wait inside where its much warmer . thats okay , a mans voice replied . hey , wasnt there a car parked here ? im sure i wouldnt know , mrs. mckinney replied . folks come and go and park wherever they like . what about these tracks ! he asked in a demanding voice . hurried footsteps on gravel told the story . hunter raced to the side of the car . janet applied the brakes and opened the door . move over to the other side , he ordered . janet climbed over the console and belted up in the passenger seat . hunter , in the meantime , already had the engine running and took off , keeping his eye on the mirrors . this isnt good , he said . did they see you ! she asked , turning part way around in her seat to look behind . i hope not , he replied as he attempted to maintain a dangerous rate of speed on the narrow lane . soon they were at the main road and he wasted no time racing back toward the airport . so we have to go through customs again ? but well need to turn the care in . checking his mirrors , he could see another car in the distance behind them and obviously driving at a fast rate of speed . theyre catching us , hunter said . can we take another route ? there arent any other good routes . i just want to get in the air as quickly as possible . reaching the city limits , they were forced to slow down and likely to be stopped by traffic lights . the first two intersections were clear and the lights green . at the next intersection , however , the light turned red before they could move through . hunter had to brake hard to stop and allow a car to pull out onto the main road . frustrated , he kept an eye on his mirror . who in their right mind would be up this time of morning ? you mean besides us ? janet said still half turned around in her seat . she asked as a few more cars began spilling out onto the street here and there . if its them , theyre stopped at the last signal . maybe a little extra traffic isnt so bad after all . the light ahead was green and hunter hurried on through . keep an eye open for cops , he said . we cant afford to get pulled over . they managed to make their way through courtenay and then north of comox to the airport . the main road was now straight but began to climb . a few more cars were pulling out , forcing hunter to slow down again . the sky continued to grow lighter as the sun began its slow climb , in spite of the cloud cover , but at least there wasnt any ground fog this time . a few drops of rain fell instead and the breeze was picking up . its raining , janet said . its always raining here . either that or fog , hunter replied . all year ? well , no , but more days than youd probably like . the road continued on a gradual climb finally cresting at an intersection where several vehicles were making their way through . hunter was able to increase his speed for about another mile before encountering more traffic and another signal light that had just turned red . he muttered slamming his fist on the steering wheel . i thought traffic was a good thing , janet said . now there are too many cars out and theyre in my way . the light turned green and the cars in front of them slowly began to move . the damned light is green ! they now had two lanes in their direction and he began swerving between cars trying to gain ground hoping their pursuers were having as much difficulty as he was . the lane narrowed back to one lane again and they ended up following a small caravan of cars and trucks that seemed to be in no hurry . hunters frustration continued to mount until he saw an opportunity coming up . at the same time he noticed a car about a quarter mile behind them making unsafe lane changes . i see them , the idiots . theyre gon na get themselves and someone else killed driving like that . at the next intersection , he made a tight right turn and accelerated at the same time . tires squealed as they took the corner and sped down the road . moments later , hunter began to slow down , still checking his mirror . a small lane was ahead on the left and he took it as quickly as possible then raced down the lane praying no one pulled out or ran out in front of them . the lane continued for less than a quarter mile then doglegged to the right . taking care to negotiate the tight turn , he accelerated once again . luck was still with them as there were no cars coming or going . another quarter mile and they intersected with the road leading to the airport . they could see the perimeter of the airfield but he wasnt confident they were safe yet . we still have to turn in this car . janet looked over her shoulder , as hunter pulled into the airport parking lot . without wasting any time , they grabbed their things and hurried inside the terminal .

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his and noah 's , and liam was n't leaving her side . noah eased onto the couch , holding lauren in his arms . liam knelt in front of noah , his shaking hand going to lauren 's bruised and bloodied face . behind them seth was on the phone , his voice low and urgent . liam had no idea what happened to joel or how he himself had been shot , or if seth had the other man under control , but he would n't allow himself to do anything but focus on lauren . `` lauren , honey , you 're safe now , '' noah said in a choked voice . you 're safe , i swear it . '' her eyelids fluttered sluggishly and then opened . she stared sightlessly at liam , almost as if she did n't recognize him . it 's liam . '' her eyes were dull and she did n't react to his voice . it was apparent that she 'd retreated to somewhere far away from where she was . noah lowered his head to kiss her brow , but she did n't stir . she continued to stare lifelessly at liam , but it was as if she looked beyond him . tears burned liam 's eyelids . his fingers curled into tight balls . helpless rage fired through his body . he 'd allowed this to happen . she 'd been taken by this bastard because she 'd protected him and noah . as he lifted his gaze to his friend 's , he saw the same answering grief and rage in noah 's eyes . liam leaned into lauren , resting his forehead against hers . `` fight this , baby . do n't let that bastard win . come back to me and noah where you belong . '' he turned , searching out knight with fury in his heart . he wanted to kill the son of a bitch with his bare hands . but knight was lying on the floor in a pool of blood , his eyes glassy and fixed in death . he glanced back to noah , question in his gaze . `` he shot you , '' noah said in a low voice . `` you barged in , intent on saving lauren , and you never even saw him pull his gun . i had to put him down . '' `` good , '' liam said savagely . then he put his forehead to lauren 's once more . `` he ca n't hurt you anymore , baby . she did n't stir , and fear gripped liam 's throat . he glanced up at noah again , grief so thick he had to swallow back the knot in his throat . he asked in an agonized voice . he touched her bruised face again in a whisper soft touch . he was afraid of causing her more pain . he had no idea what knight had done to her before he and the others had arrived . noah 's mouth tightened and his throat worked up and down as though he were fighting the same overwhelming grief that consumed liam . `` we were too late , '' noah whispered . the son of a bitch put his hands on her . did you see the marks on her back ? the bruises on her face ? not to mention the bruises and marks we ca n't see . '' `` noah , liam . '' seth 's grim voice broke into their conversation . liam turned to see the other men standing right behind them , worry reflected in their gazes . to the side , the man who 'd been about to rape lauren when they arrived was bound hand and foot , forced to sit upright against the wall . `` the ambulance just pulled up , '' seth continued . `` you and lauren both need to go to the hospital . you 've been shot and you 're still losing blood . '' `` i 'm not leaving her , '' liam said fiercely . adam held up his hand . `` no one said you had to , son . let 's get you patched up so you can be with her that much sooner . the quicker you let them take a look at that arm , the quicker you can be back with her . she needs to be in the hospital . '' noah nodded his agreement . a moment later , the paramedics entered the living room , followed closely by the local police . it was a madhouse of endless questions . to liam 's frustration he was separated from lauren as one medic tended her and the other bandaged his arm . when they began to wheel her away on a stretcher , noah walking beside it holding lauren 's hand , liam bolted up from the couch and strode after them . over his dead body were they leaving without him . max was about to climb into the back with noah and lauren when liam shoved him out of the way and hauled himself up to sit beside noah on the bench next to the stretcher . when max would have protested , adam put his hand on his shoulder . `` think what you would do if it was callie and her brothers were trying to be at her side .

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now , more than 200 years further on again , those nameless dead were calling to him once more . and this time he could do more than provide short-term companionship . this time he could help to save some of those lost souls from their lonely fate . jac and chen , the leaders of the retrieval programs , would fight him over his decision to join the undertaking . theyd claim he was too valuable to their society to risk on such a dangerous mission . however , hed be adamant , and he had enough pull in the higher echelons of government to get his way . the prep for the mission would take many months . during that time , he planned to integrate with a new clone . currently , he had been housed in his fourth clone for fifty-five years . not the limit of the lifespan for a clone by any means , but he wanted to be fit and energetic in a twenty-year-old body if he was to take on tasks that might prove physically demanding and dangerous . that thought roused the sick excitement once again . could he be changing in the same way some of the old timers were beginning to change after they found their significant other ? it felt like it might be the case . after nearly 250 years within a chrysalis of emotionless rationality , he seemed to be feeling the first tremulous moves toward freedom and life . within the death throes of that metal titan , he sensed he would be reborn . the how and why of it he didnt know , but the when and where was certain : april 15 , 1912 , mid atlantic , aboard the doomed titanic . he couldnt wait ! chapter one lizzie 10 march 1912 , london , england lizzie faulkner stepped with trepidation into her employers old-fashioned study . the heavy furnishings , fussy victoriana knick-knacks and blazing fire in the grate made the high-ceilinged room unnaturally oppressive . the silent condemnation of the straight back woman standing at the window only served to intensify the atmosphere . lizzie tried to draw in a deep breath to calm her jittery nerves , but she had cinched her swan bill corset so tightly that morning that she had barely enough lung capacity for shallow breaths . dizziness and panic threatened to overwhelm her . ah , miss faulkner , i am glad you have seen fit to join me at last . are you feeling a little better ? the words were polite enough , even compassionate , but they were delivered in a tone of such icy disdain as to make a mockery of any warmer feelings . mrs peabody was a woman in her mid-forties , but her extreme thinness and tightly pinched features made her look ten years older . her dark hair , liberally streaked with grey , was scraped painfully back from her face and bound in a netted bun at the back of her head . her fashionable , pencil-thin morning dress was made from expensive fabric , but the puce colour clashed badly with her complexion and only added to her unattractive appearance . it was almost as if she went out of her way to look as hard and unappealing as possible . yes thank you , madam , she whispered , ashamed of her own temerity . where had the courageous bluestocking gone who had set her sights on scaling the peaks of male-dominated arenas ? and who was this craven ninny who seemed unable to put more than two words together without whimpering ? life had torn away her childish confidence and left her only too aware of her weakness and vulnerability . i have received troubling information from below stairs , mrs peabody went on , her tone just as stony cold as before . would you care to make a conjecture about the nature of that information , miss faulkner ? ah , no , madam , i have no idea , she lied unconvincingly . then you are a liar as well as a fallen woman , miss faulkner . i have it on very good authority that you are with child , and as there is no ring upon your finger and i have heard of no husband mentioned in the past , i can only assume that this child you carry is illegitimate . lizzie felt the room begin to spin and she reached out to grab the edge of the desk to steady her . when jessie , the upstairs maid , had brought a jug of hot water to her room that morning , she had inadvertently seen lizzie in her smalls before she had time to don her corset . the girls eyes nearly bulged out of her head from the sight and shed turned tail and run , slopping water out of the jug as she went . with stays , she had been able to disguise her five-month pregnancy , but without them , the gentle rounding of her girth was apparent , as was the increased size of her breasts . jessie was an ignorant girl but she was wise about the ways of nature .

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`` you just act normal , '' carol said as if that was understood . `` just be yourself , '' jacqueline threw in . to my astonishment , she drew out her knitting . i 'd had the impression earlier that she intended to make her big announcement and leave . i was glad to see her join the others . `` hey , do you have the hots for some guy ? '' naturally alix would ask such a question . my denial was fast and firm . once again , the heat in my face reflected my embarrassment . `` you do so , '' carol said , watching me . `` all right , give . jacqueline leaned toward me . `` tell us the name , '' alix encouraged . they would n't drop the matter and i could think of nothing to say or do that would take the conversation elsewhere . `` come on , lydia , '' alix insisted again . i hesitated , then with a deep sigh told them about brad . `` he wo n't ask me out again , '' i said when i 'd finished . `` probably not , '' alix agreed . `` what you have to do now is ask him out . '' both jacqueline and carol nodded . it seemed brad had won margaret to his side and now my entire knitting class , too . chapter 20 carol girard s unday night before the ivf procedure , carol waited until she was sure doug had fallen asleep . when she heard the heavy , even cadence of his breathing , she slipped out of bed and crept silently into the living room . she loved the view of puget sound at night . from her living room window , she could see the dark , shimmering water . beyond west seattle was vashon island and the lights of the kitsap peninsula . sinking into her favorite chair , she dropped her head back and ordered her mind and her body to relax . she could n't go into this procedure tense ; she had to will her body to accept the fertilized eggs , to accept the baby or babies she yearned for . if she wanted a child so much , then why did her body reject pregnancy after pregnancy ? nothing added up , nothing made sense , no matter how often she tried to analyze the situation . her own body had become her worst enemy , it seemed ; her womb had betrayed her in the most fundamental way , by denying her the ability to reproduce . she was fast approaching a time when her age would make it impossible to conceive . already her egg production had started to fall off . while outwardly everyone was sympathetic , carol knew her friends were bored with the subject . she also knew how badly her mother wanted grandchildren . all her mother 's friends carried around purseloads of pictures of their grandkids , while her own mother sat by , silent and depressed . neither carol nor rick had given her bragging rights . she said it jokingly , but carol felt her mother 's disappointment as keenly as she felt her own . to this point , doug 's parents had been supportive and encouraging , but they too were weary of waiting . thankfully , his younger sister had made them grandparents twice over , but his father was hoping for a grandson to carry on the family name . the pressure was n't explicit but it was there and carol nearly suffocated under the weight of it . never in all her life had she wept as much as she had in these last few years . before long , she had a thick wad of tissues in her hand . it was n't as if she had n't tried . she 'd submitted to every therapy available and ingested a pharmacy full of drugs . all those drugs . god only knew what she 'd done to her body or what risks she 'd taken , but it would n't have mattered . nothing mattered except having a baby . she was willing to swallow anything , inject her stomach with drugs , volunteer for any experimental program , if there was even the slightest possibility it would help her get pregnant-and stay pregnant . doug came into the room wearing striped pajama bottoms and no top ; it was how he always slept . ca n't you sleep ? '' afraid that he might hear the tears in her voice , she shook her head . he did n't say anything and they sat together in silence . after a few minutes , her husband stood up and stretched out his arm to her and pulled her into his embrace . he did n't try to lead her back to bed and she was grateful . `` i do n't think i can sleep without you . '' she smiled , comforted by the knowledge that she was as much a part of him as he was of her . a ferry glided toward vashon island and carol forced her attention onto its slow progress from fauntleroy to southworth . the terrible tension returned and she had to ask the one question that had hounded her for months . `` what are we going to do if i do n't get pregnant this time ? '' her words came out a broken whisper .

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chapter 12 bitterly disappointed in jake , rachel sat in his easy chair eating ice cream and wishing he could have been the wonderful lover she 'd imagined he would be . she 'd tried to settle the condom issue early on , but he had n't let her talk to him . then he 'd been ready to blow right past the subject with some weird mumbo jumbo about werewolves not needing them . maybe next he 'd try to sell her oceanfront property in arizona . she might be running a sexual deficit these days , but she was n't bankrupt enough to chance a condomless encounter with jake hunter , no matter how gorgeous he was . while she sat in the easy chair , he paced the living room , eating from his ice cream bowl as he roamed around . probably walking it off-it being the large erection she 'd felt when they 'd been so close together she would n't have been able to slide a dvd between them . pausing in his circuit of the room , he faced her . `` you wanted to know more about the werewolf community , right ? '' he was trying to get on her good side , and she had to admit he was going about it the right way . she suspected that duncan 's book would n't be available at a normal bookstore or online outlet , but she wanted a copy . if jake fell asleep , which he 'd have to do eventually , she 'd go read the rest of it while she had the chance . `` naturally weres ca n't use the internet without being found out , so we 've created our own digital communication system that only weres can access . duncan has a blog on it . i have a website for warm there , too . we also have a version of twitter , only we call it sniffer . '' rachel could n't help smiling . `` want to see it work ? '' `` you know how to tempt a girl , do n't you , jake ? '' `` i could get in huge trouble for showing you this , but ... '' he shrugged . `` i 'm already in huge trouble , and you 'll learn more about us this way . maybe that 's a good thing , like you said . '' `` you 're going to round up some support for your claim about not needing condoms while you 're on this sniffer thing , are n't you ? '' she fell into a fit of giggles . `` were or human , male animals are all the same . i 've wanted to seduce you for three years ! i 've controlled that urge because it was inappropriate . i did n't give in until you were right under my nose . you 're damned right i 'm focused on my cock . '' `` where 's your computer ? i do n't remember seeing one when i ... when i was here earlier . '' `` what you meant to say was you did n't see one when you invaded my private space late this afternoon . she finished the last of her ice cream and scraped the bowl with her spoon . `` i felt justified . '' `` want more ice cream ? '' she stood and walked into the kitchen with her bowl . `` fyi , you have some broken dishes in the sink . '' she thought about why they were broken and sexual excitement curled within her . `` it was almost worth it . '' it 's not my fault that you came to the party without a present . '' `` i do n't need a present for that particular party , but you wo n't believe me . '' he set his ice cream bowl on an end table and walked over to the duffel bag that still sat in the entry . `` let 's go on sniffer and see what information we get on the subject . '' `` i just realized you have n't unpacked from your trip . '' crouching down , he unzipped the duffel and pulled out a laptop . `` i should thank you , by the way . until you managed to coax the powers that be to lay cable up here , i was dead in the water when it came to going online . that was going to be a big problem for gathering supporters for warm . you helped the cause . '' she was n't sure how she felt about his cause . it sounded elitist to her , but then , she was n't a werewolf living in fear of discovery . she should remember that before passing judgment . after crossing to his bookshelf and turning on a modem tucked in with the books , he sat on his sofa with the laptop . soon he 'd booted it up . i 'll show you what sniffer looks like . '' unable to resist , she sat on the sofa next to him . he was giving her entree into a secret society , and that was the stuff of novels and movies . unfortunately , she would n't be able to tell anyone about this , ever . as jake typed his log-in and password , she thought about how her parents would react if she tried to tell them about jake and his underground community .

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4260], ["log", 4268], ["logs", 4268], ["password", 4284], ["parent", 4320], ["parents", 4320], ["react", 4332], ["underground", 4389]]

she 'd grown into a beautiful young woman now that she 'd gotten rid of the crazy neon colors and a lot of the sulky attitude . though steele could n't really fault her for either . she 'd had some hard knocks very early in life . he admired her resiliency . she was smart and extremely loyal to the kellys . but then no one he knew was anything but staunchly loyal to the close-knit family . rusty glanced up , as if she 'd felt his gaze . she looked briefly alarmed , and that did n't sit well with him . he might not give a fuck , as a rule , what people thought about him or what impression he gave them , but he did n't get off on scaring teenage girls . though she was barely a teenager anymore . it was a lame question , especially since her semester had ended weeks ago . but then he had n't seen her nor had he had the occasion to speak to her . she smiled hesitantly , almost as if she were testing the waters to see if he was going to bite her . `` it 's going really well , '' she said softly . confusion crinkled her brow and she cocked her head sideways . he was n't a polite guy . he also was n't into casual , polite conversation . but what the hell else was he supposed to do in a standing-room-only waiting area surrounded by anxious , celebratory people all waiting for newborn babies to ooh and aah over and say stupid shit like , `` oh my god , look how cute ! '' as if any newborn was ever cute . they were wrinkled , red and noisy . they were definitely not cute . `` uh , well , i 'm still kind of deciding , '' she said in a low voice . even as she spoke , she glanced around as if she were worried they would be overheard and she was bringing up a sore subject . `` you have plenty of time . freshman year is more about getting your feet underneath you and figuring out the lay of the land . '' `` that 's kind of what i thought , but ... '' she broke off and jerked her thumb in the direction of the kelly brothers . `` they do n't exactly see it that way . they think i 'm a fuckup because i did n't know what i wanted to study before i ever set foot in a university . '' steele lifted an eyebrow at her choice of words . not that he was remotely offended by profanity-as if ! but the kelly men had thawed considerably in their treatment and opinions of rusty . he doubted they 'd voiced those exact words or called her a fuckup just because she had n't declared a major yet . it was more likely she was sensitive-overly sensitive-about the issue and worried that they looked down on her for not being more decisive . `` have you narrowed your choices down at all ? '' rusty bit her lip and again shot a glance to the side , but this time her gaze lighted on sean . when she spoke , it was in lowered tones as if she did n't want anyone to overhear . `` i 'm really interested in criminal justice , but sean thinks it 's a terrible idea and i ca n't imagine the guys would like it either . they 'd probably have a cow at the thought of me doing anything remotely dangerous . '' there was a note of frustration in her voice that told steele she was serious , even if the way she said it was meant to be flip , like she did n't care or that she was n't strongly considering a career in law enforcement . she just did n't want to be shot down and was already steeling herself for the possibility . nobody liked to look stupid or to be made to feel stupid . `` does n't matter what sean thinks , '' he said bluntly . `` or the other kellys , for that matter . are you interested in law enforcement ? '' she blinked in surprise and her lips parted , forming a small o . `` you do n't think it 's stupid ? '' `` it does n't matter what i think either . that 's a choice you have to make for yourself . no one else can make it for you . '' she bit into her lower lip , a clear sign of her frustration . she wanted-needed-guidance . she was still young and impressionable . `` but if you 're asking my opinion , i think you 'd make a fine law enforcement officer . i 'm of the mind that you can be damn well whatever you want if you apply yourself and stick to it . '' he caught himself , because by the way maren had reacted he realized he obviously did n't smile very often , and the last thing he wanted was overreaction by anyone watching him and rusty . her eyes sparked and danced with merriment . `` man , wait until i tell sean this . the biggest badass on the planet thinks i 'd make a good law enforcement officer . '' steele sighed . rusty asked innocently .

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`` just trying to knock some sense into your thick head , '' ewan growled . alaric head-butted ewan in the nose and then rolled until he was atop his older brother . `` you 're getting to be an old man , '' alaric taunted . caelen leaped back onto alaric and the three men rolled , fists and curses flying . god but it felt good to beat the living hell out of something . several long minutes later , the three men lay sprawled on the ground breathing heavily . `` ah damn , '' ewan groaned . alaric looked over to see mairin standing over her husband , her hands on her hips . `` you should be resting , '' ewan growled . `` and you should be doing something other than beating each other into pulps ! '' mairin snapped. `` 't is disgraceful ! '' it felt pretty damn good , '' caelen offered from his position on the ground . alaric slowly picked himself up . `` is there any change with keeley ? '' mairin 's expression softened . `` nay , she sleeps still . '' alaric closed his eyes and then turned back toward the loch . maybe a good swim would clear his head and he could bathe while he was at it . ewan was right . rotting next to keeley did no one any good . `` ewan , the king and all the lairds grow restless , '' mairin said . `` they want to know what is to be done . '' `` i know it well , mairin . '' there was reproach in ewan 's voice , as if he had no liking for her bringing up the topic in front of alaric . alaric ignored them both and waded back into the frigid water . he well knew that the king and the lairds waited for keeley to die so that he could marry rionna and seal the alliance . gannon tossed him a bar of soap and waited on the banks while alaric completed his bath . ewan and caelen returned with mairin , leaving cormac behind with gannon to see to alaric . he had n't gone mad with grief yet . yet , being the operative word . when he returned to the keep a half hour later , rionna greeted him , her eyes red and swollen . his heartbeat tripped and sped up , hammering against his chest . she is calling for you . 't is bad , alaric . i fear she 'll not last the hour . she is so weak she can not hold her eyes open , and the fever rages so high that she 's delirious . '' alaric took the steps at a run and rushed down the hall , barreling past countless people . when he burst into keeley 's chamber , his heart seized . she lay still , so still he feared he was too late . but then her lips twisted ever so slightly and she whispered his name . he rushed to her side and knelt beside the bed . `` i 'm here , keeley . i 'm here , love . '' he stroked his hand over her face , wanting her to feel his touch , wanting to reassure her that she was n't alone . she was so fragile , so very precious against his hands , so very breakable . he could n't accept that she could be taken from him at any moment . `` aye , love , i 'm here . '' `` so cold . do n't hurt anymore . alarm prickled up his spine . she turned as if seeking his face . her eyes opened to mere slits but she did n't focus on him . her gaze was sightless as if she looked into a dark void . the admission gutted him . he gathered her in his arms and tears burned his eyelids . that a woman who 'd feared nothing was now afraid was more than he could bear . `` i 'm with you , keeley . i 'll not leave you . `` take me ... '' she broke off , her voice barely above a whisper . `` take you where , sweeting ? '' `` to place ... where we said ... good-bye . where you last ... kissed me . '' he buried his face against her neck and wept . oh , god , he did n't want her to beg . the pleading in her voice completely undid him . `` aye , keeley , i 'll take you . i 'll take you wherever you want to go . '' she smiled faintly and her eyes closed , as if the few words she 'd spoken had completely spent her . he gently gathered her in his arms and lifted her . he held her against his chest and pressed his lips to the top of her head . tears slipped unchecked down his cheeks as he strode down the hall . mairin and rionna openly wept as he passed . maddie wore a stricken look and gannon bowed his head in grief .

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his case is hopeless , with the older child being four years old already . no-ones gon na buy his bullshit story . maybe others will think twice before deciding to overpopulate this planet any more , he said . maybe they should just add contraceptives to the cure like theyve been saying for years now . that would solve the problem once and for all . thats never going to happen , im afraid , replied phoenix . it would be too complicated and expensive to manufacture combinations of the cure with various hormones . and they cant force everyone to take the same one , it would be a violation of human rights . not to mention , it wouldnt be any good for me , would it ? youd need to find yourself a new specialty if duovitaery was made impossible . two men joined the group . phoenix knew them both amaranthines boss , nectar foster , and her colleague ambrose . none managed to conceal a brief ogle at amaris cleavage and down along the line of her waist and hips . you look stunning , amari , said nectar . great , thanks , they replied , then greeted ambrose . everything ready here , ambie ? amaranthine asked . as ready as well ever be , he said . i just need to run some final details past you and mr. paramonos , if you dont mind . would you excuse us , please . as they walked away to the other side of the bar , phoenix saw ambrose raising his hands and pointing towards the platform above the bar . so that is the famous mr. paramonos , phoenix said . ive heard a thing or two about him . yes , hes quite a guy , nectar said , looking in his clients direction . he was one of the first people to ever start taking the cure . the rumor has it he co-financed the research on it , hes had an immortality obsession since his childhood . hates mortals with a passion . im very surprised he spoke to you so kindly about your work , perenelle said . hes the most avowed anti-mortal you will ever come across , she explained in a whisper . he was quoted as saying that all mortals should be confined to their quarters , and duovitaerers locked up for life . on my cue , youll take the lift up to the platform , sir , amaranthine explained , pointing at the podium . well then turn off the music and a single beam of light will focus on you . your script will display automatically . guests in all the planets will see and hear you just as clearly as the ones gathered here . mr. paramonos nodded approvingly . do you want to have the final trial run now ? if you could just say a sentence or two to test the sound . as the businessman disappeared behind the bar , amari and ambrose took a few steps back to be able to see him . to the planet coordinators , amari sent a mental signal through her idatron . the final sound and projection test is about to commence . mr. paramonos appeared on the podium and was immediately illuminated by the single beam of light . this is the final sound test , he said slowly , and his voice came through loud and clear . welcome to the universe . we hear you , sir , loud and clear . amari messaged her client , and then addressed her coordinators . can everyone please confirm they saw and heard mr. paramonos . and then , a panicky voice echoed in amaris head . im sorry , maam , but we heard nothing the projection was clear , we saw mr. paramonos , and we saw his lips move , but we didnt hear a sound what ? ? ? im afraid it was the same here in venus , maam . and in earth . projection clear , but no sound . no sound in mars either . no sound in jupiter . no sound in saturn amaranthine blanked out the remaining reports . she knew what theyd be . so , can we relax now ? mr. paramonos walked over to them . is it all ready ? yes , amaranthine summoned all her willpower to respond . you can relax now , sir . horror in ambroses eyes was a reflection of her own . ambie , she uttered in a barely audible whisper , as soon as mr. paramonos was out of earshot , get the sound engineer here , immediately . weve no sound in any of the planets and less than two hours till show time ! phoenix looked around for the nearest waitress . amaranthine was still busy , although he expected the official part of the opening to start shortly . hed been chatting to the lawyers and estate agents who handled the transaction for the universes space . sale of the air space above properties was the hot new branch of real estate business and he found the chat with them very interesting ; after all , one never knew when one might fancy a change of career . it was always a good idea to stay up to date with upcoming options .

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dee was sitting instead of pacing , with one long leg stretched in front of her . she was looking very thoughtful , her head bent , her thickly lashed eyes narrowed . well , dee was dee , and would never change , jenny thought lovingly . as she watched , dee looked up at her and smiled . and i was thinking-it would mean a major change of plans , you see . it would mean a lot of studying , and i hate studying . '' she stopped , and jenny blinked , then leaned forward . `` i 'm thinking of maybe going to college after all . i 'm just barely entertaining the idea . '' dee had changed , too . `` aba would be happy , '' jenny said , and then she dropped it , because she was afraid that dee would turn balky . dee really hated being pushed . `` it 's your own choice , '' was all she added . everything really is , is n't it ? our own choice . '' jenny looked down at the gold ring on her finger , then clasped her other hand over it . `` a lot is . '' and tom was different-the fact that jenny was wearing that ring showed how different . he had n't said a word about it ; she did n't even think he minded . if he had n't , jenny could never have been happy . as it was , she knew he would n't hate her if she tried to dream julian into a wonderful dream . he might not want to hear about it , but he would n't be upset . he did n't take her for granted anymore , and he did n't need to be possessive , either . jenny thought that maybe he had changed the most of all . `` the cab 's here , '' michael said . `` okay , so first we have to go to the doctor ... he stared at a scribbled list . `` no , first we go to the western union office , then the doctor , '' audrey said , taking the list from him . `` then- '' `` then we eat , '' michael said . `` apres vous , '' dee said , gesturing them through the door . when audrey hiked a copper eyebrow at her , she grinned . `` i can throw those fancy words around , too . o solo mio . gesundheit . '' `` d'accord , '' audrey said and grinned back at her . zach and summer went out . jenny stopped for just an instant on the threshold , long enough to look back . the hallway was empty , the door to the basement was shut . if any adults would listen to jenny , she would have them make sure that door was never opened again . she turned and went outside . as they headed for the cab , michael said the kind of thing that only michael could say . the kind of thing that came from having a science fiction author as a dad . what if-someday-somebody carved julian 's name back onto that runestave ? '' tom stopped dead on the lush green grass for a moment . then he started walking again , as jenny put an arm through his . `` do n't even talk about it , '' he said . just as well . '' and jenny , her arm entwined with tom 's , agreed -but , deep inside , some tiny part of her wondered . she could n't give in to the twinge of wistful sorrow she felt-she had a life to build . things to consider . she could n't just follow tom to college now . she had to find out what she wanted to do with herself . what do i like ? she did n't know how she was going to put all those together-she 'd have to find a way . after all , she was jenny thornton , her only master . but just before she got into the cab , she looked up at the pennsylvania sky . it was so blue-a bluer blue than california skies ever were in the morning . a beautiful , luminous color that seemed filled with promise . if , someday , julian should be reborn , she wished him well . cordova jumped at the loud , insistent knock at her door , nearly dropping the brush she 'd been running through her long curtain of black hair . setting it carefully on the vanity , she rose from her chair . she thought briefly about taking a moment to tuck her hair underneath her cap , but she knew that if it were her employer she would be scolded for keeping her waiting so she dutifully rushed out . taking a deep breath , she crossed the room and opened the door to see lady alice grey , lady-in-waiting to king lyon and her employer , waiting , flanked by two royal guards . cordova 's eyes immediately jumped to the envelope fisted in the lady 's skeletally thin hand , and her heart hammered against her chest . she asked , struggling to keep her voice steady .

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he groaned and grunted with each heavy blow satan dealt him , and soon he was overpowered , and thrown to the floor . the man in white jerked his hand , commanding jared 's body against the wal under claire . her blood flowed from her wounds and dripped in a steady stream onto her brother 's shoulder . claire closed her eyes , her lids fluttering . help us , '' she begged . the devil took another step . he was just a few feet from my makeshift bed . i held my daughter 's tiny head in the crook of my neck and touched my lips to her white , wispy hair . she smel ed like her father , but softer ; more pure . i looked up at her assassin from under my brow , terrified and hopeless ; cowering in his presence . jared took off once again , his form obscured by the speed . they crashed together , and with barely visible movements , they blurred from one space in the room to the other , stopping momentarily , and then moving again . soon they were back where they started , and jared was on the floor , his blood spil ing from his wounds . satan leaned in slowly , relishing my terror . `` help her , '' claire begged in a tiny whisper . ryan moved toward me with desperation on his face , but bex grabbed his shoulder . he said , struggling . bex wrapped both of his arms around my friend , forbidding him to step in . bex and ryan were going to watch us all die . if bex could somehow escape with ryan , claire could be saved , but that would leave my child vulnerable . a mil ion thoughts ran through my head , hopes that even if i were kill ed , jared would survive long enough to get our baby to safety . in that moment , anger replaced my fear . i remembered eli 's words , and courage i never knew i owned swel ed inside of me . `` you ca n't have her , '' i seethed , lifting my chin in defiance . my eyes fil ed with angry tears . `` and what wil you do ? '' he said , looking over to kim 's lifeless body . in one blurry moment she was in his arms . he cradled her , looking almost paternal as he brushed her cheek with his blackened fingers . he scanned her face with a somber expression , and then leaned down to smel her hair . `` she had a heartbeat not an hour ago . aspirations . and now , '' he said , tossing her limp body across the room with one hand , `` nothing . '' i closed my eyes , unwil ing to let fear rob me of rational thinking . before i was a mother , i might have run from the room , but i had carried her inside of me for the better part of year , and i had survived hel before . something inside of me whispered that my child was safe in my arms . i would have faith in what eli had told me , and i would stand my ground . nothing was stronger than a mother 's love for her child ... not even satan . claire dropped to the floor , and ryan rushed over to her . jared attempted to get to his feet , but instead resorted to crawling toward me . jared made his way to his family , and then slowly stood on his knees , weaving with exhaustion . once again , he was all that stood between us and death . satan took jared 's throat in his hand and lifted him off the ground . jared gripped the man 's arm with both hands as his feet dangled above the floor . moving his arm to the side , satan held jared in the best position to watch the end . long , blackened fingers reached for the child . without thinking , i pul ed her to the other side of my body , and with my free hand , gripped the devil 's wrist . it was cold and thin . my skin blazed against it . her , '' i breathed . he frowned , noticeably confused . he tried to advance his hand to my child , but he was unable to move . `` that 's far enough , lucifer , '' samuel said . as usual , he had blinked into our plane without detection , but time eli was with him . lucifer said , struggling to reach the child . he was clearly straining , but he was powerless in my grasp . `` daddy says no . '' lucifer wrenched his hand back , his eyes wild with anger . `` he 's all owing this ... this human to defy me ? '' he howled , dropping jared to the ground . satan began to speak , but eli held up his hand . `` enough , lucifer . he has chosen to spare the child . '' lucifer charged at us , he arms extended , his fingers curled , preparing to kill the baby angel in my arms . just before he reached us , he was blown back and held against the wal . large , long fingers curled around his neck . lucifer 's eyes widened . the prince of darkness was afraid .

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someone else , anyone else would be better than shana , who was starting a new career after suffering a major romantic breakup . at the moment , her life still felt disorganized . add a recently bereaved nine-year-old to the mix , and she did n't know what might happen . `` this is n't a choose-your-time type of situation , '' ali said . `` i 'm counting on you , and so is jazmine . '' shana nibbled on her lower lip , trapped between her doubts and her obligation to her widowed sister . `` i 'll do it , of course , but i was just wondering if there was someone else ... . '' `` there is n't , '' ali said abruptly . `` then it 's me . '' shana spoke with as much enthusiasm as she could muster , although she suspected it must sound pretty hollow . shana had n't had much experience as an aunt , but she was going to get her chance to learn . she was about to become her niece 's primary caregiver while her sister went out to sea on an aircraft carrier for a six-month deployment . shana truly had n't expected this . when ali filled out the `` worldwide availability '' form-with shana 's name-she 'd explained it was so the navy had documentation proving jazmine would have someone to take care of her at all times , ensuring that ali was combat-ready . it had seemed quite routine , more of a formality than a possibility-and of course , peter was alive then . ali had been in the navy for twelve years and had never pulled sea duty before now . she 'd traveled around the world with her husband , a navy pilot , and their daughter . then , two years ago , peter had been killed in a training accident and everything changed . things had changed in shana 's life , too , although not in the same unalterable and tragic way . brad-shana purposely put a halt to her thoughts . brad was in the past . she 'd told her friends that she was so over him she had to force herself to remember his name . who was he , again ? that was how over him she was . `` i do n't have much time , '' ali was saying . `` the woodrow wilson 's scheduled to leave soon . i 'll fly jazmine up this weekend but i wo n't be able to stay more than overnight . '' shana swallowed a protest . for reasons of national security , shana realized her sister could n't say any more about her schedule . she still had to finish unpacking . furthermore , she 'd only just started training with the former owners of her restaurant . then it occurred to shana that she might not be the only one upset about ali 's sudden deployment . she could only guess at her niece 's reaction . `` what does jazmine have to say about all this ? '' ali 's hesitation told shana everything she needed to know . `` oh , great , '' she muttered under her breath . she remembered her own childhood and what her mother had termed her `` attitude problem . '' shana had plenty of that , all right , and most of it was bad . dealing with jazmine 's moods would be payback , she supposed , for everything her poor mother had endured . `` to be honest , jazmine is n't too excited about the move . '' the little girl barely knew shana . the kid , a true child of the military , had lived on whidbey island in washington state , then italy and , following the accident that claimed her father 's life , had been shuffled to san diego , california . they 'd just settled into their navy housing , and now they were about to leave that . in her nine years jazmine had been moved from country to country , lost her father , and now her mother was shipping out for six long months . if that was n't enough , the poor kid was being foisted on shana . no wonder she was n't thrilled . `` we 'll be fine , '' shana murmured , doing her best to sound positive . she did n't know who she was kidding . certainly not her sister-and not herself , either . this was going to be another in a long line of recent disasters , or life-changing events , as she preferred to call them . `` so it 's true you and brad split up ? '' ali asked with a degree of delicacy . she 'd obviously been warned against bringing up his name . shana repeated as if she had no idea who her sister was talking about . `` oh , you mean brad moore . yes , it 's over . we were finished quite a while ago , but either he forgot to tell me or i just was n't paying attention . '' `` i 'm so sorry , '' ali said . the last thing shana wanted was ali 's sympathy . `` do n't worry , i 've rebounded .

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was it not ? but he could n't ask more questions . elise gave him a startled look , then thought for a moment . he was surprised by that question , too , and the way she ducked her face , almost bringing a shoulder up to her cheek as if she could hide it . `` sixteen , if the sleeves both count as one apiece . i 've got three on my stomach , the two sleeves , four on my back , one on my neck , one on each hand , and two on each leg . '' it was interesting that she 'd asked about his tattoos , not about him or why he was in town . he wanted to pursue that a bit more . `` do you like my tattoos ? '' her eyes widened and she stared at him again , her mouth silently working . she did n't speak for a long moment , and he wondered if she was going to answer . then , she dropped her gaze and began to chug her beer , her throat working . he could n't help it ; he laughed again . `` you are a trip , elise . you would n't hurt my feelings if you said no . '' she did n't reply , simply finished her beer and primly wiped her mouth with long fingers . he was fascinated by that dainty movement , and the grace in her step when she stood up . `` i 'll get another beer . '' he watched her head off , amused . it had been a while since he 'd been that interested in another girl , but elise markham was fascinating . she seemed shy and sweet , but she drank beer like a pro and knew when to bite back . and she was interested in his tattoos . that added up to a rather interesting puzzle , and rome liked puzzles . elise returned a few minutes later and carried two beers again . `` for just in case . '' `` why , elise , '' he teased . `` you going to try and find something i wo n't answer ? '' she simply gave him a challenging smile and sat back down across from him . for a moment , he wished she 'd sat next to him . maybe that was too much to hope for too fast . at least she was talking to him . `` my turn , '' she said , and popped the top off her new beer . `` that 's a pu**y question , '' he teased . `` and i 'm from houston originally . '' `` pussy questions are allowed , '' she said in that prim , small voice . `` bluebonnet . '' `` then why are you staying at a bed-and-breakfast ? '' `` i thought it was my turn ? '' sorry if i spoke out of turn . '' he rather liked elise markham when she was peeking her head out of her shell . `` no college , '' he told her bluntly . `` high school dropout . '' might as well get that out of the way , too . `` so now it 's my turn . why are you staying at a bed-and-breakfast if you live in bluebonnet ? '' `` i used to live here , '' she corrected in that soft voice . `` my family moved to a lake resort up in tahoe a few years ago . i 'm just here visiting my brother . '' it seemed like they were both a little uncomfortable with the direction of the questions . time for something lighthearted , then , when it was his turn again . `` why did you come to bluebonnet ? '' `` mostly because i had n't been here yet . wanted a small town to relax in . '' to hide in . `` kick back , see what it had to offer . and i stayed because i got a job . '' `` i would have moved on if i did n't . '' when she simply nodded , he smiled at her and took another swig of his beer . if it was n't all dark and shadowy , he could have sworn she was blushing . how come a twenty-four-year-old still lives with her parents ? '' she hefted her beer as if she were going to drink it , and then narrowed her eyes at him . no boyfriend or roommates ? '' `` those are new questions . '' `` well , seeing as how you did n't answer the last one , i thought i 'd try again . '' she considered her beer , then made a face at him . `` i live at home because it 's ... safe . no one bothers me there . and i have n't had a good reason to move out . '' she seemed a little disgusted with her answer , as if she were disappointed in herself . he noticed that she did n't admit to a boyfriend , though . family or friends here in bluebonnet ? '' he noticed she did n't say `` girlfriend . '' i try to avoid family whenever possible . '' her smile peeked out again at that , and he found himself smiling back . `` mine 's not so bad , '' she admitted . `` just a bit overbearing . ''

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i followed wren to lincoln , and she does n't even want me there . nobody wants me there . '' `` tell me why you 're so unhappy . '' `` it 's just ... everything . and i do n't fit in . i do n't know how to be . nothing that i 'm good at is the sort of thing that matters there . being smart does n't matter-and being good with words . and when those things do matter , it 's only because people want something from me . not because they want me . '' the sympathy in his face was painful . `` this does n't sound like a decision , cath . this sounds like giving up . '' i mean- '' her hands flew up , then fell in her lap . `` -so what ? it 's not like i get a medal for sticking it out . it 's just school . who cares where i do it ? '' `` you think it would be easier if you lived here . '' `` that 's a crappy way to make decisions . '' winston churchill ? '' `` what 's wrong with winston churchill ? '' her dad said , sounding mad for the first time since they 'd started talking . good thing she had n't said franklin roosevelt . her dad was nuts about the allied forces . just ... is n't giving up allowed sometimes ? is n't it okay to say , 'this really hurts , so i 'm going to stop trying ' ? '' `` it sets a dangerous precedent . '' `` for avoiding pain ? '' `` for avoiding life . '' the horse again . ' `` you and your sister and the eye-rolling ... i always thought you 'd grow out of that . '' she started to pull away , but he held tight . she looked up at him reluctantly . his hair was sticking up . and his round , wire-rimmed glasses were crooked on his nose . `` there is so much that i 'm sorry for , and so much that scares me- '' they both heard the front door open . cath waited a second , then pulled her hand away and slipped upstairs . * * * `` dad told me , '' wren whispered that night from her bed . cath picked up her pillow and left the room . she slept downstairs on the couch . but she did n't really sleep , because the front door was right there , and she kept imagining someone breaking in . * * * her dad tried to talk to her again the next morning . he was sitting on the couch in his running clothes when she woke up . cath was n't used to him fighting her like this . fighting either of them ever , about anything . even back in junior high , when she and wren used to stay up too late on school nights , hanging out in the simon snow forums-the most their dad would ever say was , `` wo n't you guys be tired tomorrow ? '' and since they 'd come home for break , he had n't even mentioned the fact that wren was staying out all night . `` i do n't want to talk anymore , '' cath said when she woke up and saw him sitting there . she rolled away from him and hugged her pillow . i 've been thinking about you staying home next semester ... . '' `` yeah ? '' cath turned her head toward him . he found her knee under the blanket and squeezed it . `` i know that i 'm part of the reason you want to move home . i know that you worry about me , and that i give you lots of reasons to worry about me ... . '' she wanted to look away , but his eyes were unshakable sometimes , just like wren 's . `` cath , if you 're really worried about me , i 'm begging you , go back to school . because if you drop out because of me , if you lose your scholarship , if you set yourself back-because of me-i wo n't be able to live with myself . '' she pushed her face back into the couch . after a few minutes , the coffeemaker beeped , and she felt him stand up . when she heard the front door close , she got up to make breakfast . * * * she was upstairs , writing , when wren came up that afternoon to start packing . cath did n't have much to pack or not to pack . all she 'd really brought home with her was her computer . for the last few weeks she 'd been wearing clothes that she and wren had n't liked well enough to take to college with them . `` you look ridiculous , '' wren said . it was a hello kitty shirt from eighth or ninth grade . hello kitty dressed as a superhero . it said super cat on the back , and wren had added an h with fabric paint . the shirt was cropped too short to begin with , and it did n't really fit anymore . cath pulled it down self-consciously . her dad shouted from downstairs . cath picked up her cell phone and looked at it .

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i reach my trembling hand through the porthole , and resting my palm flat on the mattress , i reach my little finger out to his tiny hand , and i touch him . in this moment , i 've never felt anything like it . it 's different from the love i feel for tru . but equally as strong . it 's an all-consuming need to protect him forever . to keep him safe from any pain . like the pain i 'm feeling right now . it chokes me to tears . i stroke my finger gently along his hand , and as i do , his fingers curl around it , holding on to me . salty tears trickle down my cheeks and into my mouth . pressing my lips together , i rest my forehead against the incubator . `` i 'm so sorry i was n't there ... '' i whisper . chapter twenty jake . '' hearing josh 's voice behind me , i pull my head back from the incubator , away from my son . i blink up at josh . i gently slip my finger from my son 's hand and stand up . my legs are stiff and aching . and my heart is painful in my chest . `` tru 's out of surgery . they 're transferring her to a private room . you can go down and see her . '' i swallow past the fear . josh runs his hand over his face . `` all i 've been told is they got the bleeding under control and managed to relieve the pressure off her brain , but there is still significant swelling . the resident neurosurgeon , dr. kish , who led on tru 's surgery , is waiting downstairs to talk to you before you go in to see her . '' fear slithers down my spine . i see josh 's eyes move to the incubator . `` he 's beautiful , jake . josh gestures to the door . there are so many emotions going through me right now . mostly fear , but i 'm also torn . i need to see tru with a desperate , painful ache , but i feel like i ca n't leave my son alone either . seeming to sense my distress , josh says , `` stuart 's waiting right outside . he wants to talk to you before you see tru . do you want him to sit with the baby while you see her ? '' `` yes , '' i exhale , briefly closing my eyes . if i was going to entrust my son to anyone , it would be stuart . turning , i reach my hand through the porthole again and touch his tiny arm lightly . i give him one last parting look , then follow josh out of the room . i pull the door closed behind me and find stuart leant against the wall . pushing from the wall , he comes over . `` he 's ... good . '' i push my hands in my front jean pockets . everything his mom is . `` like tru . '' raw , acute pain tears through me . i stare past stuart , at the wall . tears push at my eyes . i never thought there would be a day that it would be painful for me to speak her name . `` he looks exactly like his mom-beautiful . '' i hear his choked breath . as i open my eyes , i catch him swiping a tear . `` tru 's mom and dad are on the way to the airport now . i took care of all the arrangements . i chartered them on a private jet . they 'll be here first thing in the morning . '' stuart shakes his head . he does n't need to say anything . i know exactly how they took it . i felt it the moment stuart told me . complete and utter devastation . `` i spoke to your mom . i got her and dale a private flight in too . they 're coming straight to the hospital as soon as they land . '' thank you for calling them . '' i swallow past the burning in my throat . `` i know how much tru means to you . '' `` i 'm ... '' he lifts his shoulders lightly , biting his lip . `` you guys are my family . '' he swipes away another tear . `` i 'm here for whatever you need . '' sensing rising emotions , something he seems good at , josh steps in , putting a hand on stuart 's shoulder . `` i 'm going to take jake to see tru now . i said you 'd stay with the little guy . '' he tilts his head toward the door behind me . `` i do n't want him to be alone , '' i add , my voice raw again . `` there 's nowhere else i 'd want to be right now . '' leaving stuart , josh takes the lead and i follow him . stopping , i turn back . he stops with the door partway open . `` hold his hand . he likes to wrap his hand around your finger . '' he offers a light smile . `` okay , i 'll make sure to do that . '' `` and stuart . '' i catch his attention again .

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the bigger question is , why did n't you save her from me , instead of that irish ass ? i gave you every opportunity to be a hero , and you let o'neill steal your thunder . hammer did n't owe beck any sort of answer . `` right now , what 's wrong with me is you . '' `` raine is just another sub , man . no different from any of the others around here , right ? '' into hammer 's telling silence , beck 's lips curled up . admit that , for you , she 's not . you 're crazy if you think nobody knows you 've got a serious thing for that girl . you treat her like her cunt is made of gol- '' beck did n't get the chance to finish his sentence . hammer 's fist snapped out and plowed him in the jaw . then he landed another blow to beck 's chin . `` you do n't get to talk about any part of her body , f**ker ! '' beck 's powerful right hook caught him off guard , but hammer welcomed the pain . after watching liam f**k raine , he felt hollow , like the life had been sucked right out of him . the red-hot fire boiling beneath his jaw was proof that he was n't completely dead . with his hand still cinched around beck 's throat , he slammed the bastard up against the wall and drove his knee into the man 's balls . the air left beck 's lungs in a deeply satisfying rush . then hammer unleashed a blistering round of blows to his mouth , nose , and jaw . with an angry growl , beck finally shoved hammer back , then charged at him , blood bubbling from his nostrils . not about to let up , hammer drove his fist into the man 's stomach . beck coughed and sucked in a deep breath . `` i do n't think i 've ever seen you so pissed . so i slapped her thighs . it 's not like she did n't deserve it . '' beck landed another blow to hammer 's jaw and kept on growling out the tough love . `` does she scare you so much you ca n't even slap her ass to keep her in line ? you 're afraid to touch her , are n't you ? '' i came to you for a simple favor , and you f**ked everything up . because you terrified her so much , she 's paired off with liam now and is convinced that i 'm a monster who plotted to have her beaten way beyond her pain threshold . '' he clocked beck in the jaw again , then shook the sting out of his knuckles . `` thanks so much , pal . '' beck took a step back and narrowed his eyes at hammer . `` you can hit me with your purse all night long , but i 'm nobody 's bitch , hammer . '' his patronizing smile fueled hammer 's anger all the more . you hurt her because you could , and that 's not acceptable around here . '' he punched a fist into beck 's kidney . the big dom wrapped him up , and they tumbled to the floor . he felt beck 's determination as he began to unleash an equally violent wrath . both men rolled on the concrete , taking turns punching , each striving to gain the upper hand until hammer found himself pinned beneath beck 's muscular legs . the sadist leaned over his face , blood and sweat dripping from his brow . with a wicked sneer , he winked . `` you stupid bastard . you lost her to liam because you were a p**sy . good luck trying to get some sleep tonight . i bet all you 'll be able to picture is liam buried inside your little princess . i doubt you 'll be able to find a bottle deep enough to drown in . '' hammer bucked beck off him , then rolled to his feet , fury like a volcano inside him , primed to erupt . `` you 're banned from the club for a week . '' beck chuckled , then stood and grabbed a bottle of jack daniel 's from a low table against the wall . he unscrewed the cap and tossed it to the floor , then took a long gulp and hissed through the burn . he thrust the bottle toward hammer . again , asswipe , '' hammer snarled as he took the bottle and swallowed a healthy swig . i need a break , anyway . you do know that you hit like a bitch , right ? '' `` yeah , that 's why your lip is bleeding and your eye is already turning black , '' hammer snarled . i can forgive a lot of things , man , but it 's going to take a while for me to get over that . '' `` you really need to work out your shit when it comes to her . she 's eating you up inside because she means something to you . admit it , or one day you 're going to wake up and you wo n't even recognize the man in the mirror . '' hammer bristled , crossing his arms over his chest . `` is that your professional diagnosis ? ''

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it was a careful listing , by date and by place , of bodies found in the vicinity of stone circles . the appearance of each was noted , and below each description were a few words of speculation . august 14 , 1931 . sur-le-meine , brittany . body of a male , unidentified . age , mid-40s . found near north end of standing stone circle . no evident cause of death , but deep burns on arms and legs . clothing described only as `` rags . '' no photograph . possible cause of failure : ( 1 ) male , ( 2 ) wrong date-23 days from nearest sun feast . april 2 , 1650 . castlerigg , scotland . body of female , unidentified . age , about 15 . found outside circle . substantial mutilation noted , may have been dragged from circle by wolves . clothing not described . possible cause of failure : ( 1 ) wrong date-28 days prior to fire feast . ( 2 ) lack of preparation . february 5 , 1953 . callanish , isle of lewis . body of male identified as john macleod , lobsterman , age 26 . cause of death diagnosed as massive cerebral hemorrhage , coroner 's inquest held owing to appearance of body-second-degree burns on skin of face and extremities , and scorched look of clothing . coroner 's verdict , death by lightning-possible , but not likely . possible cause of failure : ( 1 ) male . ( 2 ) very close to imbolc , but perhaps not close enough ? ( 3 ) improper preparation-n.b . newspaper photograph shows victim , shirt open ; there is a burnt spot on the chest which appears to be in shape of bridhe 's cross , but too indistinct to say for sure . may 1 , 1963 . tomnahurich , scotland . body of female , identified as mary walker willis . coroner 's inquest , substantial scorching of body and clothing , death due to heart failure-rupture of aorta . inquest notes miss walker dressed in `` odd '' clothing , details unspecified . failure-this one knew what she was doing , but did n't make it . failure likely due to omission of proper sacrifice . the list went on chilling roger more with each name . she had found twenty-two , altogether , reported over a period from the mid-1600s to the mid-1900s , from sites scattered over scotland , northern england , and brittany , all sites showing some evidence of prehistoric building . some had been obvious accidents , he thought-people who 'd walked into a circle all unsuspecting and had no notion what had hit them . a few-only two or three-seemed to have known ; they 'd made some preparation of clothing . perhaps they had passed through before , and tried again-but this time it had n't worked . his stomach curled into a small , cold snail . claire had been right ; it was n't like stepping through a revolving door . then there were the disappearances ... these were in a separate section , neatly docketed by date , sex , and age , with as much noted of the circumstances as was recorded . ah-that was the meaning of the crosses ; how many people had disappeared near each feast . there were more of the disappeared than of the dead , but there was of necessity less data . most bore question marks-roger supposed because there was no telling whether disappearance in the vicinity of a circle was necessarily connected with it . he turned over a page , and stopped , feeling as though he 'd been punched in the stomach . may 1 , 1945 . craigh na dun , inverness-shire , scotland . claire randall , age 27 , housewife . seen last in early morning , having declared intention to visit the circle in search of unusual plant specimens , did not return by dark . car found parked at foot of hill . no traces in circle , no signs of foul play . he turned the page gingerly , as though expecting it to blow up in his hand . so claire had inadvertently given gillian edgars part of the evidence that had led to her own experiment . had geilie found the reports of claire 's return , three years later ? no , evidently not , he concluded , after flipping back and forth through those pages-or if she had , she had n't recorded it here . fiona had brought him more tea and a plate of fresh ginger nut biscuits , which had sat untouched since he had begun reading . a sense of obligation rather than hunger made him pick up a biscuit and take a bite , but the sharp-flavored crumbs caught in his throat and made him cough . the last section of the book bore the heading `` techniques and preparations . '' it began , something lies here , older than man , and the stones keep its power . the old spells speak of `` the lines of the earth , '' and the power that flows through them .

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here , she needed nothing . all the trials of the world fell away . here , she was literally in love . it was at that moment that she realized where she was . this black mass of wicked tentacles with its one single , perfect spot was madoc 's soul . shock rippled through her , but it was distant enough that she was n't bothered like she knew she should be . there was something wrong here-something she was n't seeing , but the urge to ignore that and simply bask in the light was nearly impossible to fight . nika spun around , feeling like a child with no worries in the world . the edges of this glowing spot drew inward , shrinking around to hold her close . that was when the realization hit her . this perfect shiny spot in madoc 's soul was shrinking . the festering black agony was eating away at it , consuming the light , snuffing it out . his soul was dying despite the fact that there were still leaves on his lifemark . horror exploded within her , sending her reeling . it yanked her out of that bright , perfect place , through the hideous , writhing tentacles , and back into her own body . `` ... hell do you think you 're doing ? '' madoc 's angry voice filled her ears , too loud and grating . she flinched away from the noise , wishing she could go back into the blissful silence . `` you were inside my head , were n't you ? '' her throat was too tight to speak , so nika shook her head . i felt you in there . were you trying to read my mind ? '' his green eyes were bright with rage and his chest rose and fell with every angry breath . nika struggled to rejoin reality . she could n't tell how long she 'd been out of her body , but the effort of sustained contact had left her drained and confused . it seemed odd and slightly wrong to feel things through her senses again . everything was harsher and more intense . even the feel of her nightgown against her skin seemed too much to bear . the dim light in the room could not compare to that of madoc 's soul , and yet it was too bright , burning her eyes . she felt his hand grip her shoulders and wanted to lean into his embrace and let him hold her until the world righted itself again . not your mind , '' she tried to explain , but how could she ? if he was angry because he thought she 'd read his mind , he 'd be furious to know she 'd been inside his very soul . indignation clipped his words , making them come out short and hard . i was asleep , but i heard you . you called my name and i came . '' fatigue pulled at her , weighing her down . explaining was too much work . besides , he would n't believe her . people never believed her . it was easier not to say anything and let them think she was crazy . there was too much pain for it to have been real . '' the word seemed to choke him . his green eyes were bright with concern as they roamed over her body , checking for injury . he let out a sigh of relief and pulled her close , hugging her against his bare chest . his palm cradled her head , holding it close to his heart . she could sense the branches of his lifemark struggling to reach for her , but they remained frozen in place beneath her cheek . nika snuggled closer , crawling into his lap , holding on to him in case he spazzed again and tried to push her away . his scent calmed her nerves . his heat eased her skin until her nightgown was no longer grating against it . even her fatigue seemed to fade as she soaked in his body 's heat . `` you 're making me crazy , '' he said in a quiet voice . she pulled away enough to look up at him . his expression was tight . she stroked the side of his face , enjoying the feel of his beard stubble beneath her fingertips . `` you 're too serious . you should enjoy it . '' `` enjoying things my way would be a really bad idea for you . '' he was staring at her mouth now , making nika nervous enough that she felt the compulsion to lick her lips . his body clenched , and as close as she was to him , she could feel the strength of that motion as it shook her . against her hip , she felt his penis harden . `` you like me , '' she said , hearing her awe shine through in her voice . `` that is n't about like , little girl . '' the little girl comment stung , but maybe that had been a childish way of putting it . she was n't exactly used to talking to a man about sex , so she tried again . `` i want you to get off of my lap . '' he tried to shift her away from him , but she held on , clinging to his neck .

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["struggle", 1576], ["struggled", 1576], ["rejoin", 1586], ["reality", 1594], ["tell", 1615], ["long", 1624], ["longs", 1624], ["effort", 1669], ["contact", 1690], ["left", 1699], ["leave", 1699], ["drain", 1711], ["drained", 1711], ["confuse", 1724], ["confused", 1724], ["confusing", 1724], ["seem", 1736], ["seeming", 1736], ["seemed", 1736], ["odd", 1740], ["slightly", 1753], ["feel", 1767], ["thing", 1774], ["things", 1774], ["sense", 1793], ["senses", 1793], ["everything", 1812], ["harsh", 1824], ["intense", 1841], ["even", 1848], ["evens", 1848], ["nightgown", 1874], ["nightgowns", 1874], ["skin", 1891], ["much", 1907], ["bore", 1915], ["bear", 1915], ["bearest", 1915], ["dim", 1925], ["dimmed", 1925], ["room", 1943], ["roomed", 1943], ["compare", 1961], ["yet", 1996], ["burn", 2024], ["burns", 2024], ["burning", 2024], ["hand", 2053], ["grip", 2058], ["shoulder", 2072], ["shouldered", 2072], ["shoulders", 2072], ["lean", 2091], ["leans", 2091], ["embrace", 2108], ["let", 2116], ["lets", 2116], ["right", 2153], ["rightest", 2153], ["righted", 2153], ["try", 2197], ["tryed", 2197], ["tried", 2197], ["explain", 2208], ["think", 2265], ["thinkest", 2265], ["thought", 2265], ["furious", 2305], ["know", 2313], ["knowest", 2313], ["indignation", 2360], ["clip", 2368], ["clipped", 2368], ["word", 2378], ["words", 2378], ["come", 2397], ["short", 2407], ["hard", 2416], ["asleep", 2431], ["hear", 2445], ["hears", 2445], ["heard", 2445], ["call", 2462], ["called", 2462], ["name", 2470], ["come", 2481], ["came", 2481], ["fatigue", 2494], ["fatiguing", 2494], ["pull", 2501], ["pulled", 2501], ["weigh", 2519], ["weighest", 2519], ["weighing", 2519], ["explain", 2541], ["explaining", 2541], ["work", 2559], ["wrought", 2559], ["besides", 2569], ["believe", 2592], ["people", 2605], ["never", 2611], ["believe", 2620], ["believed", 2620], ["easy", 2640], ["easier", 2640], ["say", 2651], ["sayest", 2651], ["anything", 2660], ["crazy", 2693], ["pain", 2719], ["reis", 2744], 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3897], ["lipped", 3897], ["lips", 3897], ["clench", 3917], ["clenched", 3917], ["strength", 3980], ["motion", 3995], ["hip", 4029], ["hips", 4029], ["penis", 4050], ["harden", 4057], ["hardens", 4057], ["hear", 4098], ["hears", 4098], ["hearing", 4098], ["awe", 4106], ["awed", 4106], ["shine", 4112], ["shone", 4112], ["shined", 4112], ["little", 4170], ["girl", 4175], ["comment", 4204], ["maybe", 4222], ["childish", 4247], ["put", 4262], ["putting", 4262], ["exactly", 4287], ["use", 4292], ["used", 4292], ["talk", 4303], ["talking", 4303], ["man", 4312], ["mans", 4312], ["manned", 4312], ["sex", 4322], ["get", 4366], ["shift", 4403], ["hold", 4436], ["held", 4436], ["cling", 4450], ["clinging", 4450], ["neck", 4462], ["necked", 4462]]

`` i 'm off to catch charlotte before brother enoch leaves and ask her to have the silent brothers check the archives . '' tessa rose to her feet . she did not relish the idea of being left alone in the library with will and jessamine , who were bound to bicker . of course henry was there , but he seemed to be taking a gentle nap on a pile of books , and was not much of a buffer in the best of cases . being around will was uncomfortable in most circumstances ; only with jem there was it bearable . somehow jem was able to whittle down will 's sharp edges and make him nearly human . `` i 'll go with you , jem , '' she said . `` there's-there was something i wished to speak to charlotte about anyway . '' jem seemed surprised but pleased ; will looked from one of them to the other and pushed his chair back . `` we 've been among these moldering old books for days now , '' he announced . `` mine beautiful eyes are weary , and i have paper cuts . he spread his fingers wide . tessa could n't help herself . `` perhaps you could use an iratze to take care of them . '' `` ever and always helpful , tessa . '' she matched his glare . `` my only desire is to be of service . '' jem put his hand on her shoulder , his voice concerned . `` tessa , will . i do n't think- '' but will was gone , snatching up his coat and banging his way out of the library , with enough force to make the door frame vibrate . jessamine sat back in her chair , narrowing her brown eyes . tessa 's hands shook as she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear . she hated that will had this effect on her . she knew what he thought of her . that she was nothing , worth nothing . and still a look from him could make her tremble with mingled hatred and longing . it was like a poison in her blood , to which jem was the only antidote . only with him did she feel on steady ground . jem took her arm lightly . a gentleman would not normal y touch a lady in public , but here in the institute the shadowhunters were more familiar with one another than were the mundanes outside . when she turned to look at him , he smiled at her . jem put the full force of himself into each smile , so that he seemed to be smiling with his eyes , his heart , his whole being . `` we'l find charlotte . '' jessamine said crossly as they made their way to the door . jem glanced back over his shoulder . `` you could always wake up henry . it looks like he 's eating paper in his sleep again , and you know how charlotte hates that . '' `` oh , bother , '' said jessamine with an exasperated sigh . `` why do i always get the sil y tasks ? '' `` because you do n't want the serious ones , '' said jem , sounding as close to exasperated as tessa had ever heard him . neither of them noticed the icy look she shot them as they left the library behind and headed down the corridor . `` mr. bane has been awaiting your arrival , sir , '' the footman said , and stepped aside to let will enter . the footman 's name was archer-or walker , or something like that , will thought-and he was one of camil e 's human subjugates . like all those enslaved to a vampire 's will , he was sickly-looking , with parchment pale skin and thin , stringy hair . he looked about as happy to see will as a dinner party guest might be to see a slug crawling out from under his lettuce . the moment will entered the house , the smel hit him . it was the smel of dark magic , like sulfur mixed with the thames on a hot day . the footman looked at him with even more loathing . `` mr. bane is in the drawing room . '' his voice indicated that there was no chance whatsoever that he was going to accompany will there . `` shal i take your coat ? '' coat still on , will fol owed the scent of magic down the corridor . it intensified as he drew nearer to the door of the drawing room , which was firmly closed . tendrils of smoke threaded out from the gap beneath the door . will took a deep breath of sour air , and pushed the door open . the inside of the drawing room looked peculiarly bare . after a moment will realized that this was because magnus had taken all the heavy teak furniture , even the piano , and pushed it up against the wal s. an ornate gasolier hung from the ceiling , but the light in the room was provided by dozens of thick black candles arranged in a circle in the center of the room .

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and with that he swam off and started doing a few lengths , dragging water from start to finish . by the time jim and fiona returned , announcing themselves loudly , the lads were lounging on sun-beds by the pool , once again avoiding the subject that had supposedly been put to rest . after several minutes fiona stuck her head round the patio door , and rather relieved to spot them with swimwear on , she called out , oh , there you both are . i hope you had a nice afternoon . ive had a great time spending your money , lewis . do you want to see what i got ? yeah , i suppose id better have a look , he answered without too much enthusiasm . then turning to lee he quietly added , what about you ? are you coming in to give an opinion ? if you are , then i suggest maybe a pair of shorts . answered lee , mischievously grinning . he couldnt remember the last time hed enjoyed himself so much whilst actually keeping his trunks fully on . life was good , and it was a bitch cold calculation and animal hunger more at odds with each other than ever before . he followed lewis into the lounge where jim and fiona were waiting , nodded politely to the coach then slipped into lewiss room , fully aware of how it must look , and ruing that for once the suspicion had no basis . lewis in the meantime went to the clothing that had been laid out for inspection on the table in the living area . fiona had taken her task seriously . rather half-heartedly , lewis went through the various garments , trying on for size the ones he liked best . the shoes he ignored - there was no way he would risk a change like that . those would have to be custom made when a new deal was struck . eventually he picked out some shorts and a selection of tops which he was happy with . these will do fine . thanks , fiona . you should cover the logo , though , said lee as he emerged from lewiss bedroom , fully dressed once again . no point in giving them free advertising - let them pay you to market their brand . it would weaken your position as well when you come to negotiate a new deal . aye , thats true enough , said jim , appreciating his wisdom and the fact lee was now clothed . you need to start thinking about things like that , lewis . lewis looked at them both incredulously . it seems a lot of fuss over a bit of kit . surely it wont make much odds having a wee logo on display . it will , replied lee . cover the logo , then youre making a point . the marketing men will notice , work out whats happened , and then start bidding , probably very quickly . if youre going to have a new sponsor , then theyll want their logo on display in the final . theyll want to capitalise on it . win tomorrow , and then start a bidding war . you did say that none of the other manufacturers have a top player , so theyll all want to sign you , as it sounds to me that they cant afford to be choosy like your old sponsor . whos controlling this anyway ? what lee said was making sense . lewis screwed up his face . a bunch of amateurs by the sound of things ! why didnt the management agency suggest this , jim ? youve never given them any encouragement to be creative , lewis . i could speak to them again if you want , replied the coach . lewis considered this for a moment then shook his head . no , leave it . i dont want the distraction , and i dont want you distracted either , jim . theres too much at stake to be fraffing around with a sponsorship deal at present . ill handle it for you , lewis , said lee brightly . i know how to broker a deal ... we still need to involve the management agency , but i can do that instead of jim . let me do this as a friend . i lost you one deal - let me replace it with a better one . lewis took a quick poll from the faces around him : jim was scowling but not adamantly refusing , which was probably as good as could be expected ; fiona was thoughtfully nodding her head , and that was approval enough . it sounds like you know what youre doing . and i trust you a lot more than those wankers back in london . sorry , fiona . right , lets get started , said lee . have you got a sewing kit , fiona , and a marker pen for the shoes ? ill go and get them . and ill leave you to it . sewing indeed ! lee smiled back at him feeling strangely at peace . he had come full circle , planning to help lewis with no obvious reward in mind for himself . it felt decent for a change . thats what friends do after all , help each other .

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i shift the bag onto my hip and feel around the dark trunk for my other bag . `` i promise i can manage for one night . '' she crosses her heart with her finger and smiles . `` in fact , i might even get brave enough to go check out the party next door . '' i rapidly switch the subject . `` we can probably get the rest of this stuff out tomorrow , since it 's dark and i can barely see . and i do n't know about you , but i 'm exhausted . '' `` i think ... '' her eyes wander in the direction of the driveway . `` dear god almighty , who is he ? is n't he ... yeah ... '' she lets out a quiet squeal and hops up and down . `` ella , i think it 's the guy from your drawing , that micha guy you insist you never dated . '' my bag falls to the ground as i slouch down , debating an escape . duck under the car ? run into the house ? dive into the trunk ? `` hey there , beautiful , '' micha says in his flirty tone . `` you should n't park your car out here in the open . someone will probably jack it . '' the sound of his voice sends a tremble through my body that coils down deep inside me . i thought the feeling would be gone after being away for eight months , but somehow time has had the opposite effect - it 's amplified and taking over my body . i pretend to be engrossed by a box in the trunk and put my head amidst the shadows . `` i 'm sure my car will be okay . this is my friend 's house . '' `` your friend 's house ... '' he drifts off , making the connection and anxiety strangles me . are you talking about ella daniels ? '' collecting myself , i slam the trunk down . when he sees me , his eyes enlarge and he has the same expression on his face as when his mama told him his daddy was n't ever coming back . he blinks the stunned expression away and a hint of anger transpires . i thought you were in vegas . '' for a moment , i 'm unable to speak , caught in a mixture of emotions from seeing him again . micha has always been stunningly beautiful in a way that makes artists ' hands ache . he 's dressed in a red plaid shirt , dark jeans , and a pair of black boots . his lips are full and ornamented with a silver loop and his dirty blonde hair has a slight wave to it . his skin is like porcelain and his aqua eyes carry more than i can handle . `` i was down there for school , but i 'm back now , '' i say in the polite tone i 've used with everyone over the last eight months . but on the inside my heart is wild , and my blood is roaring with the same yearning i felt for him when i left . you knew i was down there ? '' he sidesteps around lila and positions himself directly in front of me . micha is one of the few guys that is taller than me and i have to angle my head up to meet his eyes . `` i had no idea where you were until this morning , '' he says . `` since you did n't tell anyone where you went . '' the ache in his voice stabs at my heart and the phone carrying the voicemail in my pocket weighs a thousand pounds . `` sorry , but i needed a break from this place . it was ... things were ... well you know how it was . '' `` no , i do n't know how it was . '' he braces a hand on the trunk like he 's going to fall over . `` since you took off and never told me where the hell you went . '' i need to go before he gets to me , and all my self-control evaporates . picking up my bag from the ground , i wave good-bye to him . `` it was nice talking to you again , but we 've been on the road for like twelve hours and all i want to do is lay down . '' `` i 'm not really that tired , '' lila says and i press her with a pleading look . `` oh , wait maybe i am . '' she fakes a yawn . i hurry for the side door of my house , but micha blocks my path , and his hand comes down on the car like a railroad track barricade . he drags his lip ring into his mouth with a passionate look on his face , like he might kiss me or something . for a second , i wish he would . he leans toward my ear , lowering his voice to an intimate level . `` come with me somewhere . i 've been waiting eight months to talk to you . '' i flinch at my body 's fiery reaction his voice emits . `` i ca n't talk to you , micha . '' i choke , backing away , and bumping my hip on the edge of the car .

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she did n't care about any of that , but her parents would . they would understand even less that she 'd concealed her marriage from them . most of all , she did n't want to put her family through this upheaval unless she believed that she and jason could truly make a life together . `` it 's not , '' he contradicted . `` i 'm not who they would have chosen for you . i understand that , but it 's your life and ultimately your choice . you say they 'love ' you . '' `` they do , but- '' `` no buts . if they value your happiness , then they will allow you to make the best decision for you and respect it . `` you 're oversimplifying . they 're parents ; they always think they know best . '' `` you 're an adult with your own life . '' `` but they 've been the biggest part of it for years . i could n't do without them . '' `` well , i wo n't be your dirty little secret any longer . '' jason gritted his teeth and sucked in a breath . `` we are going to walk into that restaurant , and you 're going to introduce me as your husband . or you are going to say your safe word . tell me again what it is . '' `` divorce , '' she choked out . and we will never escape that possibility as long as you hide me from your family . all refusing to introduce us does is prove that you never intended to incorporate me into the important parts of your life . '' but as soon as the plea slipped from her lips , gia knew she asked for too much . `` you 've had nearly a year . '' she had more objections , but they were all about her escaping her family 's disappointment . about her not having to endure their shock and anger . waiting did nothing but convince jason that he was n't important to her . and that was n't true . if they could work it out , she wanted to stay with him . she loved him and wanted his happiness . her world tilted on its axis for a breath-stealing second . she steadied herself against his car as her thoughts raced . could she even make him happy ? cold dread gripped her . gia had no idea what jason really saw in her . maybe that 's why he cared but did n't love her . god , she needed answers and she simply did n't have them . he asked , concern deepening his voice as the setting sun slanted through the windshield and cast a golden glow over his inky hair and bronzed skin . he watched her with blue eyes , fixed and unwavering . `` i 'm fine , '' she said automatically . she 'd been that insecure girl who 'd let self-doubt cloud her brain and screw her up . she 'd let fear rule her-and still did . she was n't a supermodel or a brainiac . she had n't come from a gilded background or even finished college . all along , she 'd been unclear what she could possibly give him , and the moment her family obligations had separated them , she 'd allowed her doubts to creep in and craft a million excuses for why they should remain apart . self-flagellation and guilt blistered through her . `` then it 's time for you to decide . do we meet your family or are you saying divorce ? '' instantly , gia knew that if she uttered that word , he would take it literally and file tomorrow . on the other hand , if she stayed with him and he lost interest in a few months or years ? it would hurt so much more . no , she could n't look at it that way . she refused to lose him again because of her fears or to save her feelings . it reeked of cowardice and self-doubt , and she would not be that woman . even if she disappointed her parents , she had to believe they would never stop loving her . she owed it to them to come clean . and she owed it to jason to try making him a part of her family . she grabbed her purse from the floorboard and shoved open the car door , shaking from head to toe . they walked through the shadowed parking lot . jason took her hand , holding her father 's professionally wrapped gift in the other , leading her to the door . he opened it for her , and the heavy wooden thing squeaked on its hinges . delvecchio 's was n't big . the small bar area and takeout counter sat to the right , doing a steady business already . a dining area big enough for maybe fifty people lay beyond the hostess stand in front of a half wall just inside the foyer . gia swallowed , her palms turning sweaty as the familiar hostess turned to her . the delvecchio 's youngest daughter , only recently graduated from high school , called out to her with a little squeal . she eyed jason not so discreetly . `` your parents said you were n't coming tonight .

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it didnt take much brainpower to figure out that if the three of us had any hope of generating any type of offensive pressure during this shift , it was all going to be on me . more likely , wed just be trying to stop danas trio the whole time we were out . babs had the ball and was heading up the ice with ny only a step behind him . boyler and smitty were skating backward and defending against them , so i stayed back some , waited to see what dana would do . she skated over to center ice a little timidly . i backed into the zone , staying close to her but giving her room to move if she needed to . id never seen her timid on the ice before . she was always active , hungry . when the neighborhood kids would get together to play , it had never mattered to her that she was three years younger than me and soupy and a lot of the others . shed thought she could hang with us , and she got out there and proved it . being shorter wasnt importantshed just skated faster . weighing less didnt mattershed just learned how to evade us . being physically weaker was irrelevantshed just worked on her shot until she could beat us that way , too . shed always found a way to turn what should have been weaknesses into some of her greatest strengths . by the time she passed the center of the rink , she looked a little more comfortable on her skates . her strides lengthened , looked smoother . i could see in her eyes , thoughshe was thinking about skating right back off the ice and not coming back . before she could escape , ny passed the ball straight to her . it was a perfect pass , like he always gives me , right on the tape , hard enough for her to do something with it but not too hard to handle . dana took one look at me , and i recognized the competitive gleam the moment it lit up her eyes . she took two good strides , circled around , and passed it behind her back with a no-look pass to babs , who had worked himself a step ahead of smitty . smitty tried to get his stick in there to foul things up , but it was no use . the ball rolled into the trash can for a goal . babs and ny almost pulled dana in for a hug to celebrate before they thought better of it . all the players on both sides went off the ice and let another group come on to play . i spent the whole shinny game watching dana instead of paying attention to the action on the ice . it was easy to tell she hadnt played in years , at least it was for me ; shed lost a lot of her skating speed , half her passes were just a shade off the mark , and she always deferred to someone else instead of shooting it herself . but the more she got out there , the more it looked like she belonged . on her fifth shift or so , by the time she was skating back to let someone else come on the ice , she had a grin on her face . all the guys were smiling , too , relaxing , enjoying the day . but it still took me aback to see her smiling . after an hour , the ice was chopped up pretty badly and needed a good flooding from the zamboni . scotty called it a day , giving us some free time to enjoy the city . we still had a game tomorrow and another the day after that . and then we had to travel down to raleigh before finishing off our trip in dallas . but for the rest of the afternoon , we could do whatever we wanted . i wanted to be with dana . i wanted to take her to see something on broadway or to visit times square . whatever she wanted to do . i was about to skate over to her and see what she was thinking when burnzie clapped a hand on my back . we need to get all the boys together and do something this afternoon . do some sort of team bonding to carry on with what scotty had us doing this morning . burnzie was one of the assistant captains on the team , part of the leadership core . i didnt want to admit he was right on this , though , because it would mean i couldnt follow through with my plan to spend the rest of the day with dana . i let my gaze travel over to her , settle on her . she was still smiling , laughing while she took off her skates on the bench with babs and jonny . but id already dropped the ball on this part of my job way too many times since she had come back into my life . it wasnt fair to my teammates to leave them in the dust . i had a responsibility to them . monty suggested a private yacht company . they used it sometimes when he played for the islanders to get the guys together for a day in the city . get on that . i had to go tell dana that i couldnt spend the day with her . not that id promised her i would , and shed already told me several times i needed to go about my life like i normally would . but i still wanted to be with her instead .

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she got on her knees and said that she 'd been in love with me since oxford and that she wanted my baby . i threw some money at her for an abortion and pushed her out of my apartment as if she were trash . '' gabriel groaned - a twisted cry that seemed to come from the depths of his soul . he rubbed at his eyes with his fingers . julia placed a shaking hand to her mouth . but as her mind raced ahead , a number of pieces of the puzzle that was professor emerson began to come together . `` i did n't see her again for a long time . i assumed she 'd had the abortion . i did n't even bother to find out , that 's how f**ked up i was . a couple of months later , i stumbled into the kitchen one morning and found an ultrasound snapshot on my refrigerator . with a note . '' he slumped back in his chair and placed his head in his hands . `` she wrote , 'this is your daughter , maia . is n't she beautiful ? ' '' gabriel 's words were half strangled by the sob that escaped from his chest . `` i could see the outline of her little head and nose , her tiny arms and legs . little hands and little feet . this beautiful , fragile little baby . he swallowed another sob . she was n't real until i saw her picture and ... '' gabriel was crying . julia saw tears roll down his cheeks , and her heart ached . as her own eyes filled with tears she moved to go to him , but he raised a hand to stop her . `` i told paulina i 'd help with the baby . of course , i was broke . i 'd spent all my money on drugs and had already run up a tab with my dealer . paulina knew that and somehow she still wanted me . we got back together , and she 'd read on my couch while i wrote my dissertation . she stayed away from the drugs and tried to take care of herself and the baby . i tried to quit , but i could n't . '' he pulled his head up to look over at julia . `` do you want to hear the rest ? or are you ready to leave now ? '' she walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders . `` of course i want to hear the rest . '' he clung to her tightly , but only for a moment before he pushed her away and wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand . she stood to one side awkwardly while he continued his confession . `` paulina 's parents lived in minnesota . they were n't wealthy , but they would send her money . grace used to send me money too , whenever i called her . somehow we were able to stay afloat . or at least , delay the inevitable . but i used most of the money for drugs . '' `` what kind of man takes money away from a pregnant woman and wastes it on coc**ne ? '' he quickly continued . `` one night in september , i went on a bender . i was gone for a couple of days , and when i finally came home i collapsed on the sofa . i did n't even make it to the bedroom . i woke up the next morning completely hungover . i stumbled down the hall and saw blood on the floor . '' gabriel covered his eyes with his palms , as if he were trying to blot out the vision . julia found herself holding her breath as she waited for his next revelation . `` i followed the trail and found paulina lying on the bathroom floor in a pool of blood . i tried to find her pulse , but i could n't . `` if i 'd checked on her when i got home , i could have called an ambulance . i was high , and i crashed , and i did n't care about anyone but myself . when they told me she lost the baby , i knew it was my fault . it was a completely preventable death . i might as well have killed her with my own hands . '' he held his hands in front of his face and turned them slowly , as if he were regarding them for the first time . `` i am a murderer , julianne . a drug-addicted murderer . '' she opened her mouth to contradict him , but he quickly cut her off . `` paulina spent weeks in the hospital , first with physical problems , then with depression . i had to take a leave of absence from harvard because i was too drugged up or drunk to work . i owed thousands of dol ars to some dangerous people and had no way of coming up with the money . paulina tried to kill herself in the hospital , so i wanted to check her into a private mental health facility , somewhere where they would be gentle with her . when i called her parents begging them to help , they told me i was a disgrace . that i needed to marry her , then they 'd help us . '' `` i would have done it . but paulina was too unstable to even discuss it .

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`` you know that old song about standing on the comer and watching all the girls go by ? '' by now denise was staring at the banker as if she might be considering calling the guys with the butterfly nets . `` i do n't believe i know that song . '' `` i heard it once on an oldies station . '' eve was getting the drift of this confession , and it was cracking her up . mr. nagle gave them a nasal , off-key rendition of the first few bars of the song . `` and so on , '' he said , smiling . `` that 's me at yale . standing on the corner watching ail the pretty girls . i do n't whistle at them anymore like i used to , though . it 's not pc to do that now . '' eve worked so hard at not laughing that she choked , causing both denise and mr. nagle to pound her on the back . or rather , denise pounded and mr. nagle patted . eve had forgotten how hard denise could thump a person 's back . shortly , thanks to denise 's energetic pounding , eve managed to breathe again . i must have swallowed wrong . '' mr. nagle took his turn at the counter and ordered a dozen booby buns . eve glanced over at denise . ever since denise was little , when she tried not to laugh , she got very red in the face . at the moment , she was scarlet from , holding her breath . looking at denise set eve off again , and she had to hold her hand over her mouth and stare at the mack and white tiles on the bakery floor to get herself under control . it might have been one of the best sisterly moments she 'd had with denise in ten years . after mr. nagle left with ms booby buns , eve and denise took their turn at the counter . `` and this is your sister ! '' myrtle said immediately . `` i saw you come in and i knew it had to be her . definitely a family resemblance , there . '' `` myrtle bannister , i 'd like you to meet denise . '' maybe having a sister was n't so bad , after all . it was nice to be connected to someone . `` nice to meet you , denise . eve tells me you 're a professor . '' myrtle said it with just the right amount of reverence . `` yes , i am , '' denise said . `` and speaking from a marketing standpoint , this is a great concept you 're developing . '' eve was liking this more and more . good vibes all the way around . `` but you would improve traffic flow and encourage more browsing by giving out numbers instead of having people stand in line . '' for a while there she 'd actually had warm feelings toward her sister , but apparently denise could n't help being denise . some of the warmth had left myrtle 's smile . `` until recently , we have n't been this busy . '' `` and the name of the shop should change . you might consider- '' `` myrtle , we 're in kind of a hurry . '' eve decided to cut off this discussion before denise embarrassed her completely . `` we 'll just take four cock rings and two booby buns , please . '' myrtle snapped open a paper bag and started loading it with eve 's order . `` as i was saying , the- '' `` is manny in the back , by any chance ? '' eve asked , desperate to sidetrack her sister . `` that boy is still frosting , '' myrtle said . `` what a worker . kyle 's home ' sleeping , but manny came in with us this morning . i think rose is trying to make a baker out of him . '' `` i hate to interrupt that , '' eve said . `` but i know he wanted to meet denise . '' myrtle put down the bag and pushed through a swinging door that led to the back . eve turned toward her sister and threw out what she hoped was irresistible bait . `` he works for charlie 's cousin , rick . he wants some investment advice . '' denise brightened , `` do you know about his holdings ? '' `` not my area . '' `` the market is volatile right now , so i can understand him seeking advice , '' eve heard the unmistakable sound of denise licking her chops . then manny came through the swinging door and eve heard another , more surprising sound from her sister-a quick intake of breath . denise thought manny was hot . this was a complication eve did n't need , but it was too late , now . manny stripped off his clear plastic gloves as he came around the counter . this is my sister , denise . denise , this is manny flores , full-time photographer 's assistant and part-time cookie froster . '' `` i 'm really getting into this bakery thing . '' manny shook hands with denise .

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a whole week had already passed , and he 'd been swamped every evening with work . when he finally dropped into bed , slumber eluded him . only the image of her nak*d body and wet heat rose to his closed lids until sleep was impossible . he ached for another evening , but had decided earlier on to wait . another night spent in her company might throw him off his game-and he needed to be in control in order to keep giving her the pleasure she deserved . it was also good for his suddenly slipping emotions . when was the last time he 'd actually gotten mushy over a woman ? wondered how her day was going , or what she was eating for lunch , or what television show she watched before bed ? pull back for a bit , and then go in for another night once he was solid . and to think he 'd been worried about her getting attached . sawyer cleared his throat . `` julietta , as we discussed , we 're preparing la dolce famiglia to take up this main space for foot traffic . you 'll need to pick your team carefully for this one since we wo n't have the main equipment on the floor . '' she nodded and examined the empty store . her severe black suit was his personal favorite . it was the most conservative , with a pencil-slim skirt and a double-breasted jacket that covered most of her delicious assets . with her hair twisted up tight and her proper white blouse , the urge to rip away her prim demeanor engulfed him . he always loved the naughty librarian fantasy . maybe he 'd make her keep the suit on . hike the hem up her thighs , lay her back on the desk , and rip off her panties . he 'd test her control by commanding her not to make a sound , then do everything with his tongue and teeth to make her scream . his c*ck rose and he quickly switched his thoughts . all he needed was tanya to think she turned him on and he bet he 'd get a late night visit . her designer skills were flawless , but she reminded him of a female predator . sawyer shuddered at the thought . julietta spun on her heel . `` i can make this work . though i 'd rather have the other space we discussed . '' damn , she had spunk . he 'd assumed she 'd pretend the erotic evening had never happened . instead , she 'd switched into full business mode without a hitch . no heated glances across the conference table or blushes when their gazes met . she treated him with the detachment of a business partner , which drove him even crazier . `` actually , i do remember the discussion . since i was able to clearly demonstrate why that was n't a possibility , i 'm surprised you brought it up . '' `` hmm , i guess i forgot . '' she kept her voice bland . `` perhaps the conversation should have been more memo-rable . '' he almost choked at her impertinence . wolfe shot him a strange look , then went back to his notes . she also owned a wicked sense of humor . oh , she was going to pay for that remark . only his endless practice of hiding his emotions allowed him to press down his growing arousal . `` i 'll be sure to make myself clearer in the future . '' her delighted smile ruffled his nerve endings . practice makes perfect , '' she chirped . `` now , let 's check out the kitchen . i want to be sure the setup is what we agreed upon . '' her heels clicked in front of him in a siren 's song . her gracefully swaying ass lured him to follow , and sawyer realized julietta conte had blossomed to her full power . they toured the site , tweaked plans , and finally finished in the late afternoon . he made sure he escorted the other members of the team out first . would she follow his lead and allow him some alone time ? sure enough , sawyer spotted her lingering with wolfe . was she just as desperate to touch him ? like a horny teen , he wanted his hands all over her , his full week of celibacy at the limit . he did a quick sweep of the room and tried to catalogue a safe place he could get her nak*d without giving the construction crew a thrill . he came up behind them and caught a slight smile on wolfe 's lips . funny , he 'd watched wolfe interact with females and rarely saw him spare any interest . something about julietta allowed the boy to relax , and that was a miracle . `` thanks for your input today , '' she said in her usual crisp tones . `` i hope you 'll be able to take some downtime for yourself . '' `` do n't need much . she hesitated , and shifted her feet . `` i want you to come to dinner sunday . at my mother 's house . '' sawyer drew back in surprise . wolfe had the same reaction and seemed to stumble on his words .

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`` the victim had no id , he does n't match any missing persons report ; no record of anyone of his description entering by public transportation ; fingerprints do n't pop in the fbi files . '' `` maybe it was a plain old robbery on bourbon street , '' cassandra said , `` and someone dumped the guy there so they 'd have enough time to get out of dodge . '' `` tourists have hotel rooms , rental cars . one thing they do n't usually have is a fully automatic rifle . '' `` how do you know the gun was his ? '' `` his fingerprints were all over the thing . besides , if it was a robbery , why leave a gun like that lying around ? thing has to be worth some money , even without the weird bullets . '' `` who uses silver bullets ? '' without waiting for an answer , the detective left . cassandra and i stared after him , then looked at each other . `` uh-oh , '' we both said at the same time . `` appears you are n't the only one searching for a loup-garou , '' cassandra murmured . `` i am now , '' i said dryly . someone does n't want the beast found . '' `` seems to me like someone does n't want the beast killed . '' cassandra 's lips pursed . `` you 've got a point '' i shook my head , gave a little laugh , even though i did n't find much of this funny . `` is everyone around here nuts ? '' `` that 's rhetorical , right ? '' `` silver bullets , missing bodies , zombies . '' `` welcome to new orleans . '' `` you look like you have n't slept at all . did something happen in the swamp ? '' i 'd planned to tell her of charlie ; i 'd forgotten about the wolf and simon . `` it was probably just a dream , '' i muttered . cassandra 's eyes sharpened . `` dreams have meaning . `` the wolf sounds like a dream . '' `` my dead husband at the window does n't ? '' `` in this town - not so much . '' a chill passed over me that had nothing to do with the overactive air conditioner . i 'd buried him years ago . i did n't believe in ghosts or zombies or werewolves . `` you said there were n't any tracks . '' `` there could have been . the ground was all turned up . '' `` odd , but maybe it was like that even before your dream . '' but i doubted it `` you 're intent on finding a loup-garou , '' she continued . `` you see one at the window . simple wish fulfillment . '' `` could be the same thing . you miss him , he 's there . '' `` his ghost ? '' i had n't told cassandra about doing the horizontal mambo with adam ruelle , but from the lift of her brow , she knew anyway . `` you should n't feel guilty , diana . your husband 's gone ; you 're not . '' `` i understand that here . '' her sigh was long and sad . from the expression on her face , she did know , and i wanted to ask who she 'd lost , how long it had been . after all , we 'd bonded . but she shook off the sadness , smiling brightly , and i got the distinct impression her past was off-limits . `` you want to tell me why you came careening in here like something was chasing you ? '' charlie wagner . '' cassandra 's smile faded . `` his body is the one that 's missing . '' `` which might be why i saw him on jackson square . '' `` did you use the powder ? '' `` can a zombie disappear ? '' was i having this conversation ? `` where did you lose him ? '' `` frenchmen street . '' she grabbed a huge purse from under the counter , then chose items from the shelves and shoved them inside . `` because ... ? ' `` zombies are n't the smartest beings on the planet . they follow orders , then return to their master . '' `` you do , or you would n't be here . '' the woman was right too often for her own good . `` you have the powder ? '' she asked as she locked the door behind us . `` ok. we find him , reveal him , put him back where he belongs . '' i 've never heard of a zombie being raised before they were buried . but then again , they are n't exactly buried around here . cassandra led the way , moving at a fast clip down royal street , then turning on st. peter and heading for jackson square . night had fallen ; the moon that rose was just over half-full . i 'd need to wait over a week to search for the loup-garou again . and was i really adjusting my job because of the phases of the moon ? the unbelievable became more believable with every passing hour . `` ca n't we do this in the daytime ? '' `` i saw him in the daytime . '' `` well , not exactly daytime , but it was n't night , either . ''

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i do n't want some good samaritan to `` rescue '' me . it 's mostly emergency vehicles , anyway , going too fast to see a lone woman who does n't want to be seen . at last i come to the edge of a town . a brightly painted sign welcomes me to the heart of the rainforest . the sign is splattered with mud and half hidden by a gargantuan fern , so i ca n't read the name of the town , but i see the word washington . i 'm not in canada . `` but i 'm supposed to be in hope , '' i say to the emptiness around me . trees commiserate , whisper in understanding . they know how it feels to be uprooted , disappointed . it 's bad enough that my one spontaneous decision in life leads to a plane crash ; i could at least crash near my destination . then again , what difference does it make where i am ? i step out from the veil of trees and follow the ribbon of asphalt into town , smoothing my hair as i go . i have no idea how long i 've been walking ; this place seems too unreal to be tethered by something as scientific as time . i should be wondering where i 'm going , but i do n't care . my mind is floating . the town that is n't hope looks like a movie set . night tucks in around it ; what 's left glows in the light of streetlamps and holiday lighting . santas and snowmen hang from lampposts ; strands of white lights frame the windows . the stores are closed for the day , and i 'm glad . i do n't want to see anyone yet . what i want is a bed . my head is hurting again and i 'm beginning to feel the cold . in a small , warm diner i find a wall of pamphlets and one old man drinking coffee at a bar . i see an advertisement for the comfort fishing lodge , and a feeling of destiny settles around me , makes me shiver . it is the pretty little place i read about in hunting and fishing news . the place that welcomed me to come and stay awhile . i could use some comfort . and i certainly need a place to stay . i leave the light and heat of the restaurant and try to follow the map on the brochure . i am alone again , and cold , and my head is really starting to hurt , but at least i have a destination . i find lakeshore drive and follow it , walking along its crumbling edge , stepping over tire-sized potholes , for so long my feet start to ache . it begins to really bug me that i 'm missing a sock . it 's odd ; my head hurts , my skin feels raw , my stomach is on fire where the seat belt bit me , i 've walked away from an accident scene ( that has to be illegal ) , and i 'm worried about blisters on my feet . it is quiet out here in a way i 've never experienced ; it 's not the city way of silence , when folks are asleep and their cars are parked . this is a preternatural kind of quiet , where birdsong can startle you with its volume and a squirrel can be heard scampering up a tree as you approach . i 'm enough of a city girl to wonder what i 'm doing in this no-man's-land . i find myself glancing back down the road , toward town , wishing i could hear a car . i 'm just about to head back , in fact , when i turn the last corner and find myself in a large clearing , with a still , flat lake on my left and the immense forest on my right . the road becomes a driveway , lined on either side by bare-limbed fruit trees . at its end is a rustic-no , run down-log building . the roof is a carpet of moss . the wraparound porch sags tiredly to one side . to the left of the front door is a large chainsaw carving of a trumpeter swan . beneath it is a hand-painted sign welcoming me to the comfort fishing lodge . beside this sign is another-one that reminds me of my own life . `` for sale . '' i 'm too tired to walk back to town . some guy is playing drums in my head . i will throw myself on the owner 's mercy . surely he 'll have one room to rent . `` no wonder i only dreamed about adventures , '' i mutter , following an untended stone path from the parking area to the lodge , where i find the front door ajar . i call out , stepping inside . my greeting fades into the quiet , unanswered . the lobby is a big room with a huge stone and timber fireplace and twin floor-to-ceiling windows that overlook the lake .

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1546], ["wall", 1553], ["pamphlet", 1566], ["pamphlets", 1566], ["old", 1578], ["man", 1582], ["mans", 1582], ["manned", 1582], ["drank", 1591], ["drink", 1591], ["drinking", 1591], ["coffee", 1598], ["bar", 1607], ["advertisement", 1632], ["comfort", 1648], ["fishing", 1656], ["lodge", 1662], ["feeling", 1678], ["destiny", 1689], ["settle", 1697], ["settles", 1697], ["shiver", 1725], ["shivering", 1725], ["pretty", 1744], ["prettiest", 1744], ["little", 1751], ["news", 1798], ["newses", 1798], ["welcome", 1824], ["welcomed", 1824], ["stay", 1844], ["awhile", 1851], ["use", 1865], ["certainly", 1896], ["need", 1901], ["needest", 1901], ["left", 1927], ["leave", 1927], ["heat", 1946], ["heats", 1946], ["heated", 1946], ["restaurant", 1964], ["try", 1972], ["tryed", 1972], ["map", 1990], ["mapped", 1990], ["brochure", 2006], ["alone", 2019], ["really", 2060], ["start", 2069], ["starting", 2069], ["hurt", 2077], ["hurts", 2077], ["hurting", 2077], ["lakeshore", 2132], ["drive", 2138], 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professor bradshaw is out indefinitely for the semester , and until he 's able to reprise his role i 'll be stepping in . you can call me cruise or mr. elton if you feel so moved . '' he glances up at me and the curve of a wicked smile ignites . `` master , if you like . '' half the girls in class have a cruise-gasam at the quasi innuendo . a thin girl with a razor-sharp haircut leans in and whispers . she looks completely unfazed by cruise 's godlike qualities and sudden desire to be addressed in such an egotistical manner . `` nope , i ca n't believe this at all . '' i give a wry smile , never taking my eyes off mr. elton . god , he cleans up nice . he even shaved for the occasion - he 's wearing a tie and shiny brown shoes , which totally make him look official and everything . to think i came this close to raking up against one of my professors . not that he 's a bona fide professor . he 's more of a sexy fill-in , but still . a wave of heat spreads through me as he passes out the syllabus . he hands a thick stack to the girl seated to my left and one to me before moving on . gender relations spring semester syllabus on your knees tongues and tickles art of whoredom touch me , tease me , lick me , please me . the fine art of moaning skin on skin ask and you shall receive strip xbox body frosting role playing and erotic fantasy ; a journey into mental imagery show and tell master and servant sex video sex video ? porn 101 ? oh my god , this is completely perverse . cruise is going to get himself sued or fired , or worse . obviously , he 's got some sex addiction if he plans on living out these scenarios with each one of us . i scan the room quickly , expecting half the class to burst out laughing or screaming , but they do n't say a word . the extras get passed in my direction and i gloss over one . gender relations : spring semester read : the great gatsby essays and quizzes are listed , and i take a paper for myself before shooting a look to the not-so-funny man in question . he 's got his arms folded across his chest , and he 's leering at me with his lips curled to the side . he 's so enjoying this , i can tell . it 's illegal and unethical to proposition a student , let alone gift her with incriminating evidence should i be moved to initiate legal action . i 'm moved to see what the `` fine art of moaning '' might entail . the rest of the class fades to nothing as i negotiate the deep recesses of my mind and envelop myself in a warped fantasy that involves a whole lot of vocal cords and very little clothing . cruise paces until he sits on the edge of his desk . `` i 'd like to open the class with having each of you introduce yourselves and share your position on love in the sensual , sexual sense . and why , outside of the preservation of the species , do you feel it continues to prosper as the single most valued human desire . '' he starts in the front and goes student by student as they give a dry , rather morose view of their position on sensual love . three girls in a row give an expository on how love degrades women and reduces our species to nothing more than a sexual porthole of pleasure , and i nod in silent agreement . cruise twists his lips as he considers the words of the last girl . you 'd think cruise himself just knocked the feminist movement down three full decades the way the girl in the bright pink rain slicker cut him off at the balls for implying that love was the `` single most valued human desire . '' things are falling to shit quickly , and a part of me feels sorry for him . although , i 'm still a little miffed he did n't tell me he 'd be morphing into my teacher in the literal sense since he was already sort of filling that role anyway . plus that whole sexual syllabus just makes me roll my eyes , even though i plan on going over it in detail as soon as i 'm alone . i have to admit , the `` role playing and erotic fantasy ; a journey into mental imagery '' does sound interesting . cruise calls from the front and i spike up in my seat . oh , right , love . um ... '' i pull a strand of hair over my lips the way i do when i 'm nervous and consider it a moment . `` your views ? '' he leers into me with those bedroom eyes , and my stomach bottoms out . `` you could share your past views , present views , that is , if they 've evolved at all . '' he says it low with the deep register of his voice , while smoldering at me openly in front of the class . something about this forbidden foreplay lights an inferno around me , makes me choke on the prospect of every item on that syllabus occurring in real time .

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had she been in seattle , she would 've been preparing for a party to celebrate the holiday weekend . as it was , she 'd probably join her mother at altamira for a barbecue . carolyn sat at one end of the sofa and susannah the other . after a sip of wine , susannah gestured to her friend . carolyn gave a weak shrug . `` with me , it 's a bunch of small things that added up to one disastrous day . i did n't set my alarm , so i overslept , which i almost never do . consequently i was late getting into the office . my entire day was off-kilter . i was rude to jim although i did n't mean to be and after that , everyone avoided me . i often stay late at the office , but not today . i wanted out of there the minute the whistle blew and frankly i think everyone was just as glad to be rid of me . '' susannah could sympathize . `` i hate it when my day gets off to a bad start . '' `` i 'll be checking my alarm clock from now on . '' carolyn tucked her bare feet beneath her as she made herself comfortable on the couch . `` all right , it 's your turn . '' `` okay , okay , i took the plunge . '' `` you and dave ? '' `` i did n't tell you , but we made ... sort of a date . `` i ruined everything , though . he was weeding the flower beds this afternoon and i snapped at him and when i left work , i found a note on my windshield that said perhaps we should meet another night instead . oh , susannah , '' she moaned , `` i 'm so disappointed . '' hearing that her friend had acted on her desires was encouraging news . `` you actually approached him ? is that how you made your sort-of date ? '' it was so wonderful to see carolyn this excited that susannah had to hold back a giggle . `` dave and i ... ran into each other , '' carolyn explained . `` at he 's not here . '' `` not much ... we danced one dance and talked a bit . we decided to meet here tonight and then i had to make a complete mess of things . '' susannah was n't sure what to tell her first . the most current crisis was her daughter , so she started there . `` chrissie took off ... again . '' `` with troy nance ? '' `` have you considered talking to sharon about him ? '' chrissie would hate it if she went to troy 's mother , but susannah was beyond caring . `` i saw her earlier today at safeway . she says she has jake 's phone number and that the two of them got back together after i left for france . '' susannah did n't have any choice . `` she knew about the st. christopher medal i gave jake . i 'd forgotten about it , but she had n't . '' `` do you really think she 's telling the truth ? '' `` i have to assume she is . although she did n't seem to know that troy 's seeing chrissie . '' `` she knows , '' carolyn muttered . `` trust me , she keeps close tabs on her boy . if you want to find out where troy and chrissie are , she 'll be able to tell you . '' as much as susannah hated talking to sharon twice in the same day , she had to do it . this ridiculous situation with troy and chrissie had gone on long enough . `` how old is troy , anyway ? '' `` he must be around thirty . '' not only was this guy completely unsuitable , he was far too old for chrissie . sooner or later , she 'd have to confront chrissie about her relationship with troy . when she did , she wanted her facts straight . `` chrissie 's got you down ? '' susannah ran her fingers down the stem of her wineglass and lifted one shoulder . `` she 's only part of the problem . joe and i had an argument this afternoon . '' carolyn asked , then rushed to add , `` if it 's none of my business , just say so , but if you want to talk , then i 'm here to listen . '' feeling as wretched as she did , susannah needed to share her dilemmas . `` i did n't tell him i 'd hired a private eye . '' you can imagine how joe felt when he heard what i 'd done-from chrissie , by the way , which just infuriated me . and yet it 's my own fault for keeping it a secret . joe was really angry with me , but he was at the office and could n't very well vent with his entire staff listening in . '' `` he does n't understand why it 's so important for you to find jake , does he ? ''

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by standing her ground , talking rings around him , and distracting him with sex , and by choosing her battles and sometimes actually letting him have his way . this was one of the times to not kick up a fuss . she would ignore him later , when the stakes were greater . macneil skillfully backed the big stallion out of the trailer ; pleasure came eagerly , happy to have company again , relieved to be unconfined . he showed his happiness by dancing around and playing , shoving macneil with his head and generally acting like any four-year-old . all things considered , maris was just as happy not to be on the receiving end of those head butts , or to have to control all that power as he danced around . he would have been quieter for herandiexcl ; xthe horses found her especially soothingandiexcl ; xbut any jolt right now was n't fun . macneil led pleasure away from the trailer , the stallion 's hooves almost soundless on the thick pad of pine needles and decomposing leaves that carpeted the forest floor . he tied the reins to a sapling and patted the animal 's glossy neck . `` okay , you can come over now , '' he called to maris . `` keep him happy while i reposition the trailer . '' she took control of the stallion , calming him with her voice and hands . he was still hungry and thirsty , but he was such a curious , gregarious horse that his interest in the proceedings kept him occupied . dean pearsall had stopped the oldsmobile farther back , positioning the car so its headlights lit the area . macneil got in the truck and put it in reverse , leaning out the open door to check his position as he backed the track up to the trailer . he was good at it ; it took some people forever to get the trailer hitch in the right position , but macneil did it on the first try . pretty good for an fbi agent , maris thought . he was a fed now , but he 'd obviously spent a lot of time around horses in the past . it was snowing a little more heavily now , the headlight beams catching the drifting flakes as they sifted through the bare branches of the hardwoods . the pines were beginning to acquire a dusting of white . macneil maneuvered the trailer around , threading it through the trees , repositioning it so that it directly faced the narrow trail they 'd made and anyone coming down it would n't , be able to see that pleasure was n't inside . there were high , narrow side windows in the trailer , but none in front . as soon as the trailer was in position and macneil had unhooked the truck and pulled away , pearsall went to work , squirming underneath the trailer and setting up a video camera so that it could n't easily be seen but would still have a good angle on anyone approaching the trailer . macneil turned to maris . `` while dean 's working , let 's get pleasure tucked away back in the woods . '' he checked the luminous hands on his watch . `` we need to be out of here in five minutes , ten tops . '' the trailer contained blankets that had been used to cover the mare who had been brought to solomon green the day before . maris got the darkest one and spread it across pleasure 's broad back . he liked that , swaying his muscular rump as if he were doing the hootchie-cootchie , and blowing in the particular way he did when he was pleased . she laughed , the sound quiet and loving , as she reached up to hug his big neck . he lipped her hair , but gently , as if he 'd somehow realized by the way she moved that she was n't quite up to speed . macneil 's voice held an odd note as he handed a flashlight to maris , then untied the reins and began leading pleasure deeper into the trees . he curved his other arm around maris , holding her close to his side as they walked . between the oversize kevlar vest and her thick down jacket , he could n't feel her , so he slipped his hand under the coat , under the vest , resting it on the swell of her hip . he asked as they picked their way through the dark woods , stepping over fallen limbs and evading bushes that clutched at their clothes . she smiled up at him , letting herself lean closer into the heat and strength of his big body . `` i 've had a concussion before , and though this one is n't any fun , i do n't think it 's as bad as the first one . the pain is going away faster , so i do n't understand why i ca n't remember what happened . '' her bewilderment was plain , and his fingers tightened on her hip . `` a different part of your brain is affected , i guess . and parts of your memory are already coming back , so by tomorrow you 'll probably remember everything . ''

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it was only a few seconds until she looked into my eyes , but it felt like a goddamn eternity . when her eyes finally met mine , her walls came crashing down . the enthusiasm in her voice was nonexistent , but it did n't matter . she was going with me , and that knowledge allowed me to breathe again . america screamed like girls do , clapped her hands , and then grabbed abby to hug her . shepley offered an appreciative smile to me , and then to pigeon . `` thanks , abby , '' he said , placing his hand on her back . i 'd never seen someone less happy to go on a date with me , but then again , it was n't me she was unhappy about . the girls finished getting ready and left early for their eight o'clock class . shepley stuck around to do the dishes , happy that he 'd finally gotten his way . `` dude , thank you . i did n't think america would go . '' `` what the fuck , chuck ? you guys are trying to set pidge up with someone ? '' i mean , america might have . `` just do n't ... do n't do that , okay ? i do n't wan na see her making out in a dark corner with parker hayes . '' shepley nodded , scrubbing the egg from the skillet . `` how long do you think that 's going to fly ? '' as long as it can . just do n't step on my toes . '' `` travis , do you want her or not ? doing what you can to keep her from dating someone else when you 're not even with her is kind of an a**hole thing to do . '' shepley shot a dubious smirk in my direction . `` friends talk about a weekend fuck . somehow , i do n't see that happening for you two . '' `` no , but that does n't mean we ca n't be friends . '' shepley 's eyebrows shot up in disbelief . `` it kinda does , bro . '' `` there 's just ... '' i paused , glancing to see shepley 's expression . of all people , he would judge me the least , but it felt weak to admit what i 'd been thinking about , and how often thoughts of abby had crossed my mind . shepley would understand , but it did n't make me feel any better about saying it out loud . `` there 's something about her i need . is it weird that i think she 's cool as hell and i do n't want to share ? '' `` you ca n't share her if she 's not yours . '' `` what do i know about dating , shep ? you and your twisted , obsessive , needy relationships . if she meets someone else and starts dating them , i 'll lose her . '' `` so date her . '' `` not ready yet . '' shepley asked , throwing the dish towel in my face . it fell to the floor , and i bent down to pick it up . the fabric twisted and pulled tight in my hands as i wrung it back and forth . `` she 's different , shepley . `` just one more reason , i guess . '' shepley grimaced with disapproval , and then bent down to start the dishwasher . a mixture of mechanical and fluid sounds filled the room , and shepley made his way to his room . `` her birthday 's coming up , you know . mare wants to put something together . '' `` abby 's birthday ? '' in a little over a week . '' `` well , we got ta do something . do you know what she likes ? does america have something in mind ? i guess i better buy her something . what the f**k do i get her ? '' shepley smiled as he closed his bedroom door . class starts in five . you riding in the charger ? '' i 'm going to see if i can get abby on the back of my bike again . it 's the closest i can get to the inside of her thighs . '' shepley laughed , and then shut the door behind him . i headed to my bedroom , and slipped on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt . wallet , phone , keys . i could n't imagine being a girl . the bullshit routine they had to go through just to get out the door consumed half of their lives . class took for f**king ever , and then i rushed across campus to morgan hall . abby was standing at the front entrance with some guy , and my blood instantly boiled . a few seconds later , i recognized finch and sighed with relief . she was waiting for him to finish his cigarette , and laughing at whatever he was saying . finch was waving his arms around , obviously in the middle of a grand story , the only pauses he took were to take drags of his cigarette . when i approached , finch winked at abby . `` hey , travis , '' he sang . i nodded , quickly turning my attention to abby .

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the governor , now properly wigged , powdered , and elegantly suited , was seated behind a desk overflowing with papers , dockets , scattered quills , blotters , sand-shakers , sealing wax , and all the other impedimenta of an eighteenth-century bureaucrat . he looked hot , bothered , and quite as indignant as his wife . `` what , webb ? '' he demanded , scowling at me . `` i need a secretary , and you bring me a midwife ? '' `` she 's a forger , '' webb said baldly . that stopped whatever complaint the governor had been going to bring forth . he paused , mouth slightly open , still frowning at me . `` oh , '' he said in an altered tone . `` accused of forgery , '' i said politely . `` i have n't been tried , let alone convicted , you know . '' the governor 's eyebrows went up , hearing my educated accent . `` indeed , '' he said again , more slowly . he looked me up and down , squinting dubiously . `` where on earth did you get her , webb ? '' `` from the gaol . '' webb cast me an indifferent glance , as though i might be some unprepossessing yet useful bit of furniture , like a chamber pot . `` when i made inquiries for a midwife , someone told me that this woman had done prodigies with a slave , another prisoner , having a difficult lying-in . and as the matter was urgent , and no other cunning woman to be found ... '' he shrugged , with a faint grimace . the governor pulled a handkerchief from his sleeve and dabbed thoughtfully at the plump flesh beneath his chin . `` can you write a fair hand ? '' i supposed it would be a poor forger who could n't , but contented myself with saying , `` yes . '' fortunately , it was true ; in my own time , i had scribbled ball-point prescriptions with the best of them , but now i had trained myself to write clearly with a quill , so that my medical records and case notes should be legible , for the benefit of whoever should read them after me . once again , i felt a sharp pang at the thought of malva-but there was no time to think of her . still eyeing me speculatively , the governor nodded toward a straight-backed chair and a smaller desk at the side of the room . he rose , scrabbled among the papers on his desk , and deposited one in front of me . `` let me see you make a fair copy of that , if you please . '' it was a brief letter to the royal council , outlining the governor 's concerns regarding recent threats to that body , and postponing the next scheduled meeting of the council . i chose a quill from the cut-glass holder on the desk , found a silver penknife by it , trimmed the quill to my liking , uncorked the inkwell , and set about the business , deeply aware of the scrutiny of the two men . i did n't know how long my imposture might hold up-mrs . governor could blow the gaff at any time-but for the nonce , i thought i probably had a better chance of escape as an accused forger than as an accused murderer . the governor took my finished copy , surveyed it , and laid it on the desk with a small grunt of satisfaction . `` make eight further copies of that , and then you can go on with these . '' turning back to his own desk , he shuffled together a large sheaf of correspondence , which he deposited in front of me . the two men-i had no notion of webb 's office , but he was obviously the governor 's close friend-returned to a discussion of current business , ignoring me completely . i went about my assigned task mechanically , finding the scratch of the quill , the ritual of sanding , blotting , shaking , soothing . copying occupied a very small part of my mind ; the rest was free to worry about jamie , and to think how best to engineer an escape . i could-and doubtless should-make an excuse after a bit to go and see how mrs. martin did . if i could make shift to do so unaccompanied , i would have a few moments of unobserved freedom , during which to make a surreptitious dash for the nearest exit . so far , though , every door i 'd seen had been guarded . the governor 's palace had a very well-stocked simples closet , alas ; it would be hard to invent a need for anything from an apothecary-and even then , unlikely that they 'd let me go alone to fetch it . waiting for nightfall seemed the best notion ; at least if i did get out of the palace , i would have several hours before my absence was noted . if they locked me in again , though ... i scratched away assiduously , turning over various unsatisfactory plans , and trying very hard not to envision jamie 's body turning slowly in the wind , hanging from a tree in some lonely hollow .

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it was as if they were two girlfriends dishing about a guy they both knew . if the situation had n't been potentially lethal , ally might have laughed . `` i insist on nice buns . that 's a number one prior- '' she paused . ally could n't hear much with the wind blowing and her head pressed into the snow . `` maybe it 's hunters . '' still holding the gun on ally , vivian climbed off her . `` get up , but do n't try anything . '' getting slowly to her feet as she kept her eye on vivian 's trigger finger , she brushed off some of the snow . and now she heard the noise . a snowmobile . she cautioned herself not to get too excited . sound carried out here , and the snowmobile could be quite a distance away . it might not be headed in this direction at all . except that the noise got louder . soon she could see it , coming across the open area toward them . `` get back toward the trees ! '' vivian grabbed ally 's camera out of the snowbank where it had fallen during their wrestling match . `` if anybody asks , you and i are taking pictures . as if ally planned to let these snowmobilers have a chat with them and leave . and if vivian thought ally would n't make use of this heaven-sent arrival , she was completely crazy . which , of course , she was . nevertheless , ally went back to the trees at gunpoint and brushed the snow off her camera , as if she 'd go along with the story like a good girl . but no matter what she tried , she had to be careful not to put an innocent person in the line of fire . vivian would shoot any witnesses in a heartbeat . `` i 'll stand behind you , so they wo n't see the gun , '' `` yeah , they might get suspicious if they see the gun . '' vivian jammed the barrel right under ally 's left shoulder blade . as the snowmobile came nearer , ally began to suspect who was driving it . only one person in the area had both a snowmobile and a bushy red beard . and when she realized who was riding behind rudy , she got really scared . she felt like yelling for them to go back . mitch was not up to this . but if he caught on to the situation , he would try to save her , bless his heart . and vivian would get great pleasure out of shooting him , after he 'd turned down her sexual advances . if she had the chance , she might even torture him first . and rudy was big and brawny , but he was also an old-fashioned kind of guy . he would probably hesitate to tackle a woman , so he could be a sitting duck for someone as deadly as vivian . he 'd never expect her to be serious about shooting someone with a gun . he might even assume it was n't loaded . they 'd probably come out here to see how the photo shoot was going . mitch had been worried about ally , so he 'd probably talked rudy into coming out here with him to check on them . ally 's job was to tell them everything was fine and they could go back home now . she was n't about to let either of them get shot . as they pulled up and climbed off the snowmobile , she smiled and waved . you just missed a pair of ptarmigan ! i got a couple of really good shots . '' mitch was on the far side of the snowmobile and leaned down , doing something with his boot . probably had n't zipped it up tight . then he took off his goggles . ally expected him to put on his glasses after that , but he did n't . maybe he 'd left them back at the loose moose . good god , now she 'd have to worry about him even more if he was blind as a bat . `` so everything 's going good ? '' rudy stood by the snowmobile , his hands in his pockets . he seemed to be waiting for mitch . `` yeah , tanya and i are making terrific progress . so if that 's all you wanted to know , you can head on back . i 'm sure mitch was glad to get a ride , though . he loves these machines . '' mitch came around from the snowmobile , his hands in his pockets , too . `` actually , we had a reason for coming out here besides that . '' `` if you brought wine and cheese , that 's very sweet , but we 're working . this is n't a picnic . '' mitch drew closer , his boots crunching in the snow . he glanced around , as if taking note of the area where vivian and ally had rolled . then he surveyed the two of them and their parkas , which still had plenty of snow clinging to them . he did n't seem to be squinting at all . in fact , he acted as if he could see perfectly well .

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you found him convulsing in his car . that 's not exactly what i would consider relationship material . '' maddy pauses here , her face strict and stern . `` mila , i 'm being serious , '' she insists , perturbed that i 'm not paying enough attention . `` i have n't personally met him , although i 've seen him at the restaurant a few times . from what i 've heard , he does n't even work . he 's a trust fund baby ; a spoiled brat who does n't have to be responsible . apparently , he 's a mess . a true bad boy . he would eat you for breakfast . '' and this has gone far enough . `` maddy , let it go , '' i sigh . it was just an interesting situation and i wanted to tell you about it . i wo n't make that same mistake again , trust me , not if it 's going to earn me an unfounded lecture . you said yourself that you have n't even met him . besides , i 'm not considering him for relationship material . i 'll probably never even see him again so you can turn off your mama bear instincts . now , can you get back to telling me about the restaurant ? madison turns serious now and sets the portfolio to the side , unfolding her legs from beneath her . her deep blue eyes are troubled and that gets my attention . she 's been taking care of our parents ' restaurant ever since they died and if she 's concerned , then i should be too . i 'm nervous because maddy never shows her concern . as the big sister of our relationship , she always hides it . she sighs , her voice thin and wispy , before she turns to me . `` i may have miscalculated the risks involved with doing those renovations . '' `` you said the budget was fine , that it would be paid for by spring , and that it would practically pay for itself because it would increase business . '' she nods , troubled . `` i know that 's what i said . and that 's what i thought . but i did n't anticipate that business would drop so much this fall . i do n't see it picking up again through the winter , because it never does . it will be tourist season before we see enough business to really bring in enough revenue to start paying on that loan . '' and now i 'm startled . is the hill in trouble ? '' that thought sends me into a panic . our parents started their little italian restaurant when they got married and it has become a staple of angel bay . situated directly on the beach , it is a popular place for tourists and locals alike in the summer . after our parents died , my sister came back home to run it . since she had just earned a business degree , it seemed logical . this arrangement allows me to run my little art shop , where i sell art supplies and my own paintings and prints . as part-owner of the hill , i get a share of the profits every month , while still getting to do my own thing . but apparently , things are n't looking so good . `` do n't freak out , '' madison instructs me calmly . `` it 's not doomsday or anything . we 're just going to have to tighten our belts around the restaurant this winter . if you can pull a few shifts , that would really help . that way , we can cut wait-staff until summer . '' madison and i had both waited tables for our parents in high school and when we came home for summers in college . i could do it with my eyes closed . `` we might also have to decrease our own pay for a while , '' madison adds slowly , her face serious as she watches for my reaction . i do n't hesitate , i just nod again . `` i can survive on what i make here . '' i glance around at my shop , at the paintings exhibited on the walls under the spotlights and the prints hanging by thin steel cables from the ceiling . there are chic sitting areas and modern lighting , there are easels and shelves of art supplies , all perfectly arranged . it 's a trendy little shop , exactly what i had wanted , and it does alright in the winter . it does exceedingly well in the summer when tourists are here . `` i 'll be fine , '' i confirm . `` yep , i 'll be fine . since i live rent-free , i 'll be okay . '' when she had agreed to run our parents ' business , i had told her that she could live in their house . i have an apartment above my shop anyway , so it seemed like the right thing to do . although , in the first months after mom and dad died , i spent a lot of time with her at their house anyway . it made it seem less real , like they might come walking in the door at any time . we were just away for a while . but we 're back now . of course that never happened and eventually , i went back to my little apartment .

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melanie holds her breath , then murmurs , `` ohmif**kinggod , i see him . '' my pulse has shot up to the ceiling as i strain to see a flash of red , trotting toward the ring , but i ca n't see anything from this stupid chair . `` i ca n't see him ! '' and god , i hate that everyone can see him but me . `` dude , he 's coming to the ring ! some chicks are coming over , but he 's pushing through . he 's a god , brooke . oh my god ... '' and then i see him at last , and my heart literally stops and my stomach immediately constricts with emotion . i love him i hate him i love him . he comes into my line of vision , a flash of red , and swings up into the ring , so lithe and muscled , so sleek and agile . the lights shine down on him as he gets rid of his red robe , and suddenly he 's there . so masculine and raw . every woman 's fantasy and my real . i will never forget the way he looks in his boxing attire , every muscle of his ripped torso hard and cut , tanned and glistening . i will never forget the way he smiles for his crowd . radiating male strength and vitality . like he 's been on a f**king beach and i 've been in hell . it even feels like all the lights above rush down to kiss his suntanned skin . his rock-hard arms spread out , muscles taut as he starts slowly turning around . the arena almost trembles under my wheels-the screams are deafening . `` fuck them over , riptide ! '' people scream behind me . `` and then f**k me ! '' his dimples flash for them , his eyes glint for them . he looks so blatantly happy i want to hit him . in fact , i want to go up there and crush his mouth with mine while i hit him . `` brooke , i feel like such a bad friend that i lust over your man , but please tell me you understand ! '' melanie says anxiously . i groan in disgust at myself . i have been abandoned , and here i am , chasing after him like some groupie . lusting after him because he is mine . `` and now , laaaadies and gentlemen , we welcome the mother of all monsters , hector hex , herculeeeeeees ! '' the announcer cries , and melanie mutters , `` hooooly shit . '' the moment the mother of monsters takes the ring , i swear i almost see the floor caving in with his weight . i 've never seen this one before , but he looks even bigger than butcher , and the knot in my stomach tightens tenfold . the new fighter looks like some sort of paul bunyan-enormous giant . `` what galaxy did that piece of meat come from ? '' melanie asks , as perturbed as i am . remy taps boxing gloves with him , then he draws back and flexes his arm muscles , and i watch the tattoos between his shoulder and biceps ripple . and all my body ripples in remembrance of how his feels . they go center . my heart hammers inside me as the mother of all monsters slams remington 's ribs , and remington comes back with a triple punch that is so fast and so powerful , it knocks the guy back three steps . `` brooke , ohmigod ! '' the giant comes back with a swing that strikes remy straight in the gut . i hear the sound of the punch and wince , but suddenly i hear the sounds of the way remington hits back . pam pam poom ! the giant falls on his ass . remington circles the ring as he waits for him to get up , sinuous , graceful , my powerful blue-eyed lion . all my body remembers the way that lion moves over me . the way his h*ps push with perfect precision . the way his hands coast all over me . squeeze me . the way his tongue rasps against me , tastes me , licks me . the monster slowly gets up and shakes his head , as if he 's confused , and before he can get in another punch , remington hooks him with his right and knocks him back down-splat on his back . melanie jumps and screams . `` yes ! ! remy , you 're the king of the fucking jungle ! '' and he turns with that smile , and i freeze when he spots us . he 's smiling indulgently at us , his fans , facing in our direction , when suddenly his stance changes-and his body seems to reengage . his dimples are still in place , but his eyes narrow just slightly as he surveys us , like a predator in hunting mode . the bottom drops out of my world . `` i think he recognized your voice , you idiot ! '' i hiss under my breath , tugging mel 's skirt so that she sits back down . but he 's not looking at mel .

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`` and i understand why you have to do this . but if you need any help , or a shoulder to cry on ... '' `` thanks , rona . '' lainie kept a tight grip on her emotions . blubbering now would n't help the situation and might scare dexter . `` come on in and have something to eat before harry takes you back to your apartment . '' lainie looked into rona 's eyes and saw the sadness there . saying goodbye to dexter would n't be easy for her . no reason to make it abrupt . `` i 'd love to stay a little while . '' dexter stopped playing with fred when harry came through the door with one suitcase . leo brought up the rear with the other one . `` hi , there , kid , '' leo said . `` i hear you 've been cleaning up playing poker with the ti . dexter beamed . then he sidled over to harry and tugged on his pant leg . `` i played with some of your toys . '' looking confused , harry set down the suitcase . your stuff that was in the box . 'cept you 'll have to teach me about dungeons and dragons , and the atari cartridges , but the machine that plays them is broken , but there 's a chess set , and a rubik 's cube , and- '' `` oh , those toys . '' harry glanced at rona . `` you still have some of that old stuff ? '' rona shrugged . `` just one box full . i thought someday you might ... well , i got the box out for dexter . '' harry looked down at dexter standing there expectantly . `` you want to learn dungeons and dragons ? '' it looks really cool ! '' .. '' he glanced over at lainie . `` i 'd be glad to explain the game , but i 'm not sure what the schedule is , here . '' `` what schedule ? '' dexter looked from his mother to harry . lainie found herself swamped in emotion as she imagined rona getting out harry 's old toys . now harry was here to show dexter how to play with them . that was the kind of special treat that should be allowed to unfold without time constraints . she could n't bear to bring the curtain down just yet , though . `` tell you what , if it 's okay , mr. harry can show you about dungeons and dragons while i 'm ... '' she 'd be packing for the trip , but she did n't want to say that . `` while i 'm doing some other things . '' she met harry 's gaze . dexter started dancing around while fred barked happily . `` can fred come ? '' lainie could n't work miracles . `` the apartment complex does n't allow dogs , remember . '' dexter looked forlorn . `` mommy , can we move ? can we move someplace where they let you have dogs ? '' and there it was , the bribe she needed to convince dexter this trip was a good thing . if they moved back to new york , she could promise him a dog . somehow , it did n't seem like nearly enough . chapter twenty-six harry spent a couple of hours on the floor of lainie 's apartment taking a trip back into his childhood . as it turned out , he still loved playing dungeons and dragons , and so did dexter , partly because of the extra challenge involved . the game was technically geared toward much older kids , but dexter valiantly studied the principles and accepted his losses as the price of learning `` mr. harry 's game . '' although dexter 's attention span was amazing for somebody less than five , harry decided to give him a break part way through the session . they fooled with the rubik 's cube and paged through some of his choose your own adventure books . if harry could choose his own ending to this adventure , it would involve him hitting a huge jackpot on the strip so that lainie could forget about the benjamins and their money . she 'd used the time to sort and pack for the trip . dexter did n't know that . he thought she was cleaning up from joey 's rampage . the mess had n't been as bad as it could have been , though , thanks to leo . harry figured eventually lainie would gather her courage to come in and tell dexter what was about to happen . he knew it would n't be an easy conversation , and he was prepared to leave if she did n't want him horning in . about the time harry was ready to suggest buying dinner , lainie walked into the living room where harry and dexter had their activities spread out on the floor . from her resolute expression , harry knew she 'd chosen her moment to give dexter the news . `` i probably should go on down to my own place and ... check on things . ''

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good , she was fine . he moved in the direction of the parking lot . the guy had to be there somewhere . he had to holster his gun so he did n't have someone calling the cops . he could easily explain himself , but by the time he got out an explanation , the perpetrator would be long gone . just when he was about to give up and head back to bree , he saw a black car pull quickly out of a space . the windows had dark tints , but the driver 's side was slightly down , allowing the top of a man 's head to be visible . he knew it was his guy . racing to the car at full speed , he saw the man 's head turn as the car tires squealed , peeling out of the parking lot , nearly hitting a family , who jumped out of the way at the last second . chad came close to the car when a note fluttered out the window , then the driver peeled out and was gone . there was no way he could catch him . chad glared at the vehicle without a license plate , making it impossible for him to turn the plate numbers in to the police . he jogged over and grabbed the note the man had thrown out . he was afraid to read what was written on it . fury coursed through him as he lifted the note . what the hell did the guy want with bree ? the freak had touched her , nearly managed to abduct her . chad was acting like a love-sick boyfriend instead of her bodyguard . a bad feeling began stirring in chad 's stomach . the danger was seemingly gone , but he 'd learned from his many years of service to never ignore his gut instincts . he headed quickly toward bree , feeling an urgency in his movements . chad was halfway across the parking lot when a shot rang through the air . several people screamed , as bodies dropped to the ground - parent 's quickly throwing their bodies over their children . chad reached bree and threw himself in front of her , while dragging her behind a large car . once he made sure she was safely down , he poked his head out and looked for any sign of the shooter . they must have a sniper , which meant they were n't safe anywhere . he needed to get her to safety . chad could feel bree trembling beside him - maybe she finally realized the amount of danger she was in . it was n't the time to lecture - he had to get her to safety first . there was an eerie silence through the park . every few seconds he could hear the choked sob of some of the terrified people , who 'd only been out for a nice time with their families . he had to move - they were too vulnerable where they were . `` i 'm going to lead you through the cars . we 're bait where we are . you need to follow directly behind me , and when i say move , do n't hesitate , '' chad whispered with authority in his tone . bree nodded , her eyes huge in her pale face . `` they do n't care who they hurt , do they , '' bree practically sobbed . she was far more terrified for all the innocent children around the play area than she was for herself . she did n't want to die , but if a child got shot because of her , she 'd never be able to forgive herself . they want us , not the kids . we just need to get you out of here right now . '' `` not us - me , '' she replied . `` look , i 've been in far worse situations in other countries . this is a piece of cake , comparatively . just do what i say and we 'll get out of here , '' he said with confidence . his commanding voice had a way of soothing her . she put her complete trust in him and nodded her head . as they began to move , they made it three cars forward without further shots fired . bree could see her car about five spaces down . she did n't know how they would get in and get away without getting shot , but they had to have a goal in mind , and right then , that goal was her car . if they could somehow reach it , then everything would be okay . `` there 's too big of a gap between the last car and yours . i 'm going to make a dash for it . i 'll get in and pull up to you . as soon as i pull up i want you to get in the back door and lay down on the floorboard . we 're going to haul ass out of here . no looking back , '' he told her . her gut clenched with fear . she did n't want them to separate - not even for a few seconds . chad dashed away before she could argue any further . she knelt shakily next to the small red car , but stayed focused . she watched as he neared her car - keys ready . a relieved breath escaped as he opened the door and started to climb in .

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and every single one you 've had about me . '' `` you have some interesting ideas , '' she admitted . lily leaned forward and took him into her mouth , hot and moist and tight , sucking gently , her tongue teasing and dancing all over so that the pleasure shot up his body and exploded like a volcano in his gut . a shudder ran through him as her mouth tightened and her tongue played , her hands urging his hips to find her rhythm . for a moment his mind wanted to shatter with the pulsing pleasure ripping through him . candlelight played over her face . she was so beautiful with her silky hair and the dark passion in her eyes . his hands stilled as he watched himself gliding in and out of her mouth , wanting the sight etched in his brain for all time . lily loving him , teasing him . ryland giving her the same back . and he was determined to make every fantasy their reality . lily needed him in her perfect world . she needed passion and love and to be shaken up now and again . ryland forced his hands to move , shaping the dough he was making , spreading it out on the counter in front of him . all the while , pleasure coursed through his body . he kneaded the warm mass , his hands rhythmic , his hips surging forward as her mouth tightened , going from playful to insistent . her fingers were like the flutter of butterfly wings at times , then strong and demanding . she wrapped her hand around the hard length of him , tight , her hand following the rhythm of his , her mouth so hot flames were roaring in his belly . `` i think we 've found where your creativity lies . you have wonderful form . '' his entire being , his very existence seemed to be focused in the heat of her silken mouth . he caught at her , stilling every movement before it was too late . `` too much , lily , i want this time for you , not me . '' he dragged her off the small stool . her body slid up his , soft and tempting . ryland snapped his teeth together , biting off another groan as he lifted her onto the counter . `` sit there , do n't do anything , just sit there . '' `` i was having fun , '' she complained , sweeping her tousled hair out of her face . the action split the shirt wider open , so that her breasts were fully exposed . `` i thought you said i was the impatient one . '' he quickly braided the dough , inserting the mixture from his mixing bowl . `` we 'll have plenty of time once i get this in the oven . '' he was already suiting action to words . when he turned back to her , the look on his face set her heart pounding in anticipation . he moved toward her like a stalking tiger , all play gone , his eyes hot , burning with intensity . watching him , lily 's heart accelerated . she could n't have moved if her life depended upon it . he mesmerized her with his heat and hunger . ryland reached for her , pushing her legs wide to accommodate his larger body . he dragged her close , then bent her back , sprawling her on the counter . the candlelight played lovingly over the curves and hollows of her body , touching and caressing with flicking light . his hands were gentle as they shaped her , moved over her , following the playful light . `` do you know how beautiful you are to me , lily ? '' casually he dipped his finger in a small jar of strawberry jam and painted a line down the valley between her breasts to her belly button . `` i know i let you do outrageous things to me , '' she said , her breath in her throat . it was the way he stared at her . as if she were the only woman in the world . as if he were so hungry for her he might not make it through the night without her and he did n't care who knew it . his hand caressed her moist entrance , long , slow strokes but never quite entering her . `` we have n't even started with the outrageous things , '' he murmured and bent his head , his tongue following the trail of strawberries . lily shivered with pleasure , the cool air teasing her nipples into taut , responsive peaks . the feel of his tongue lapping over her skin , leisurely , casually , as if he had all the time in the world to enjoy her body , added to the anticipation . her hips moved restlessly in invitation . he responded by pushing two fingers deep with tantalizing slowness . she gasped as his teeth scraped her nipple , as his mouth closed over her breast , the sensation nearly lifting her off the counter . then he was following the strawberries across her stomach , swirling around her belly button , dipping his head lower to catch the taste in her tight curls . her hands found his hair , tangling deep into the curls . he breathed fire between her legs . pushed his fingers deeper , lifting his head so he could watch the way her eyes clouded . it heightened his own pleasure to see her response to him .

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mrs rowdon was delighted to see him and told ruth to leave the washing-up , she would do that . ruth looked at her mother who just smiled back so ruth left the kitchen to join fred in the hall . they sat down and then after a brief pause , ruth spoke . have you any news of alex ? fred waited a moment , drew a deep breath and replied . i rang up several hospitals and i was lucky . i finally found where he was . ruth suddenly became animated . can i go to see him ? she blustered excitedly . sergeant alex is in the military hospital at barnstaple in north devon , replied fred softly . thank you fred , you are wonderful . shaking his head , fred blushed and then blurted out , dont get carried away ruth . he fell down a cliff , broke both legs and injured his spinal cord . ruth looked at him and then said , theres more to come isnt there . fred paused , shrugged his shoulders , looked at her and said in a very firm voice , he is so bad he wishes no one to see him in his present condition . this is obviously why he hasnt written to you . ruth absorbed the information with tears in her eyes . dont go ruth , said fred , alex obviously wants to be left alone . youll just upset him . upset him ! what about me , he hasnt thought about my feelings has he ? he doesnt want to upset you so he has decided to stay away from you . ruth listened but shook her head . on friday night or saturday she would get the train to barnstaple to see him for herself , to find out the truth . perhaps fred didnt want her to go so that he could see more of her . fred broke her line of thought to ask for a dance , and so they danced . ruth told her mother the good news that fred had found the whereabouts of alex and that she would go to see him . fred joined in the conversation by telling her that alex was paralysed and wanted to see nobody . ruth reiterated that she was going even against the wishes of fred and her mother . mother left them at the gate with fred still trying to persuade her not to go . ruth finally accused him of wanting to take alexs place in her affections . fred was annoyed but ruth apologized , realizing that fred had only been trying to help . saturday came and ruth caught the silver star bus to salisbury to catch the 9.55 am train to barnstaple . on the train ruth began to have second thoughts . perhaps he didnt want to see her . perhaps his love for her had diminished . finally she decided that as she was almost there she would complete the journey . the train was on time and she alighted in barnstaple feeling fine but hungry . she debated whether to have lunch before going to the hospital but she was keen to see alex so she went straight to the hospital . she found it easily enough and walked into the reception area saying a silent prayer that things would go alright . could i see sergeant waters please ? she asked the receptionist who looked at her curiously and said , just a moment and ill check where he is . she opened her large book and ran her finger down the list and said , there he is , ward 10 , straight along the passage , end room on the left . ruth thanked her and walked along the passage . walking along she heard laughter coming from the end room . without knocking she opened the door and froze . there sitting in a wheelchair with no shirt or socks on , wearing only underpants was sergeant alex waters . there was a short pause when the nurse who had been manhandling alex quietly slipped out of the room . i came to see you but you dont seem very pleased to see me . why didnt you write to me ? cant you see why i didnt write ? i wasnt going to spend my life expecting you to give up everything to care for me . i wanted you to have a life of your own so i didnt write . go home , forget about me and find a new young man . ruth looked at his angry face as he spat out the words she didnt want to hear . so you dont want me anymore , is that it ? havent i made it plain ? he said , i am a cripple and i am not going to burden you . are you sure its not because of that lovely nurse ? she asked , angrily . she has to care for me , dress me , massage me , and take me out in the wheelchair and shes a jewel , but thats all . ruth was seething , i dont believe you ! you could have written to tell me ! you didnt even think of me and i thought you loved me ! alex waved his hand , i do ! thats why i didnt write ! i didnt want you to give up your life to care for a cripple !

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["loved", 4315], ["wave", 4331], ["waved", 4331], ["hand", 4340]]

`` c'mon , you ca n't tell me you have n't had your share of those kinds of nights . '' he cleared his throat while i waited for him to say something . `` you 're a hot guy , bennett . '' `` i 'm sure plenty of girls throw themselves at you . '' his face quirked into a lopsided grin . `` the answer to your question is no , i have n't . '' i had to pick my jaw up off the ground . i had expected him to say something like sure , but that was in the past . now i want a commitment , or ... something . `` do n't get me wrong , '' he said in a low voice . `` i 've made out with my share of girls . and sure , girls have come on to me ... '' i cringed inwardly . is that how he saw me ? i 'd never thrown myself at anyone-i 'd never had to . guys came on to me . except for that one time at that party , when i saw bennett for the first time . i needed to change the subject , pronto . noticing he had unpacked some pictures and placed a couple on his desk in the corner of the room , i stood up and made my way over . `` are these your mom and sisters ? '' his mom was a pretty lady with blond hair cut to her shoulders . and she was next to a pair of twins and a very striking teen girl who was bound to have guys falling all over her as well . `` the twins are twelve and my sister taylor just turned seventeen . '' `` wow , you 've lived around a lot of estrogen your whole life . '' `` where 's the testosterone ? '' anger flashed hot as an iron and bennett 's features turned into a scowl . `` let 's just say i 've been the only decent male role model in their lives . '' i noticed they all looked different from one another . did their father leave or die , or did they come from different men , like my brother and i ? i 'd save those questions for another day . `` so , do they live around here ? '' `` about twenty minutes south , in west view . i see them every week for sunday dinner . i lived at home until about a year ago , when my mother met her current husband . '' i saw his jaw tick . `` then it was time for me to go . '' `` oh , i know that feeling too well , '' i said , not offering any more information . i checked out of my house when i was sixteen and slept at ella 's most of the time . and then checked out emotionally after that . `` did you have a beef with your new stepdad ? '' it 's just that i helped mom pay the bills and raise my sisters for as long as i could , but now he can be responsible for all of that . as long as he sticks around . '' there was quite a story there , i could tell , but i did n't want to push the topic . maybe he was one of these super responsible kids who could never let loose . `` sounds like our moms could have been bffs in another life . '' he turned his head sideways , studying me , wondering about me . `` where does your family live ? '' `` about an hour from here . i do n't visit very often , but i talk to my brother , adam , almost every single day . he 's a senior in high school , and i try to keep tabs on him . he 's a good kid , though . '' i grew silent . he had shared stuff with me so i really was n't being fair . `` you do n't have to tell me anymore if you do n't want to . '' `` what can i say-she 's my mother . the biggest pain in my ass . '' and the biggest betrayer in my life . `` so i keep my distance . '' `` let 's not even go there . '' there was nowhere to go , anyway . i was n't sure if even mom knew who he was . or even his name . either way , she 'd never talked about him . `` another time , then , '' he said . i noticed that he had shifted closer to me and our shoulders were almost touching . `` want a beer while we watch the movie ? '' he opened two beers and joined me on the couch . the opening credits rolled and he scooted over close enough that our knees almost touched . i sipped and watched the screen , not even registering what was happening in the movie . thankfully , i 'd seen it half a dozen times already , in case he wanted to make small talk . i was cognizant of bennett 's every move . like a current humming through the air . every swallow of his beer , every time his arm came down with the bottle and brushed alongside mine . when he reached over to turn up the volume on the remote , his thigh rubbed against my shorts and i nearly flinched . i was like some lovesick tween desperate to have my crush finally notice me .

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if i can figure out how to get my hands on my books , i might be able to use this time while colby is napping-not that i 'll be able to concentrate after this . '' when he looked like he was about to say something lil held up a hand and said , `` please do n't explain again why we ca n't be together . i 've heard just about enough of that . jake paced restlessly before her and ran his hand through his hair again . lil snorted . sure , you 're sexy and rich and women probably fall at your feet all the time , but to hurt me , i would have to care about you , which i do n't . whatever attraction you feel-ignore it . he looked a bit bemused . `` you stopped listening at sexy , did n't you ? '' a slight flush spread across his cheeks . `` i 've tried to ignore it , '' he said softly . she folded her arms protectively across her chest . he moved closer and ran his hands from her tense shoulders , down her arms and pulled her gently toward him . `` you 're not my type , '' he said almost to himself . she stubbornly kept her arms folded , even as his hands slid lower and encircled her waist . `` you 're definitely not mine , either , '' she replied . `` you 're way too uptight . '' he eased her against him again and said , `` you 're far too unpredictable . '' her body tightened and quivered . she met his eyes boldly . a half smile curled the corner of his mouth , `` you never shut up . '' time stood still and the air around them sizzled . she bit her bottom lip as the tension mounted and she gave in the temptation to feel him against her . sliding her arms up and around his neck , she fit perfectly against him and his mounting excitement . `` so , we agree . '' with one strong move , he lifted her at her waist , rubbing her deliciously against him . he swung her higher , forcing her to wrap her legs around him to steady herself . with one step , she was partially seated on the table behind the couch . he tossed a decorative bowl onto the cushions below and rested her more fully there , exploring her mouth with his while his hands slid beneath her skirt and followed her long legs down to remove her shoes with a flip . strong hands ran up and down the length of her legs as if he could not get enough of her , as if he were memorizing every curve and corner of her . his kisses moved from her mouth to her neck . his hot breath licking at her . she steadied herself with her hands on his shoulders . he spread her legs further apart and slid a finger beneath the silk of her panties and between her eager folds . with painstaking thoroughness , he explored and caressed . when he found the spot that made her shudder against him , he lavished it with attention . each stroke increased the building heat within her . she wanted to feel him inside her , claiming her . she squirmed against his hand , leaning back as her excitement replaced coherent thought . he filled her center first with one finger and then as she welcomed that with a moan , he inserted another and moved back and forth within her . lil cried out as the pleasure became more than she could contain . she nearly wept in protest when his kisses and his hands stopped simultaneously . he eased her further back and slid her panties out from beneath her . with another deft move , her skirt was bunched around her waist , her bare ass exposed to the cold of the table and her warm center once again opened to his attentive fingers . in her growing desperation to feel him , she pulled his shirt out from his pants and slid her hands up his rock-hard abdomen , enjoying the feel of his muscles clenching beneath her touch . one of his hands held her head firmly in place while his lips plundered , his tongue circling and teasing hers , while his other hand tickled her outer folds until she was spreading her legs wider for him , begging him to once again use his thumb and magical fingers on her . he did and she was soon jutting against his hand , writhing in pleasure . she slumped a bit when he removed both hands for a moment and almost came when he tore the front of her shirt open with one powerful move . he pushed one cup of her bra aside and licked her puckered nipple , lapping and nipping at it softly until lil was moaning and yanking off what was left of her shirt , tossing her bra onto the floor silently begging him to give her other breast equal attention . she leaned back onto her hands while he continued to worship her with his lips , his tongue , and those wildly knowledgeable fingers . he pushed her gently back until she was fully reclined against the back cushion of the couch and stood above her for a moment . then he bent to taste her and she closed her eyes and rode the explosion of heat that rushed through her body . he licked the exposed area of her stomach , the sensitive flesh of her inner thighs and then his tongue followed the path his fingers had .

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["lip", 1478], ["lipped", 1478], ["tension", 1493], ["mount", 1501], ["mounted", 1501], ["mountest", 1501], ["give", 1514], ["gave", 1514], ["temptation", 1532], ["slid", 1566], ["sliding", 1566], ["neck", 1598], ["necked", 1598], ["fit", 1608], ["fitting", 1608], ["perfectly", 1618], ["mount", 1647], ["mounted", 1647], ["mountest", 1647], ["mounting", 1647], ["excitement", 1658], ["agree", 1677], ["strong", 1698], ["move", 1703], ["lift", 1715], ["lifted", 1715], ["rub", 1742], ["rubbing", 1742], ["deliciously", 1758], ["swing", 1781], ["swung", 1781], ["high", 1792], ["force", 1802], ["forcing", 1802], ["wrap", 1814], ["wraps", 1814], ["wrapping", 1814], ["leg", 1823], ["legs", 1823], ["steady", 1844], ["step", 1868], ["partially", 1888], ["seat", 1895], ["seated", 1895], ["table", 1908], ["tabled", 1908], ["tabling", 1908], ["behind", 1915], ["couch", 1925], ["couchest", 1925], ["toss", 1937], ["tossed", 1937], ["decorative", 1950], ["bowl", 1955], ["bowling", 1955], ["onto", 1960], ["ontos", 1960], ["cushion", 1973], ["cushioning", 1973], ["cushions", 1973], ["rest", 1990], ["rested", 1990], ["fully", 2005], ["explore", 2023], ["exploring", 2023], ["beneath", 2071], ["skirt", 2081], ["follow", 2094], ["followed", 2094], ["long", 2103], ["longs", 2103], ["remove", 2123], ["shoe", 2133], ["shoed", 2133], ["shoes", 2133], ["flip", 2145], ["flipping", 2145], ["length", 2187], ["memorize", 2263], ["memorizes", 2263], ["memorized", 2263], ["memorizing", 2263], ["every", 2269], ["curve", 2275], ["curved", 2275], ["kiss", 2306], ["kisses", 2306], ["kissest", 2306], ["hot", 2349], ["breath", 2356], ["breathest", 2356], ["lick", 2364], ["licking", 2364], ["steady", 2386], ["steadied", 2386], ["far", 2455], ["apart", 2461], ["finger", 2479], ["silk", 2496], ["pantie", 2511], ["panties", 2511], ["eager", 2533], ["fold", 2539], ["folds", 2539], ["painstaking", 2558], ["thoroughness", 2571], ["explore", 2585], ["explored", 2585], ["caress", 2598], ["caressed", 2598], ["find", 2614], ["found", 2614], ["spot", 2623], ["shudder", 2645], ["shuddering", 2645], ["shudderest", 2645], ["lavish", 2671], ["lavished", 2671], ["attention", 2689], ["stroke", 2703], ["increase", 2713], ["increased", 2713], ["build", 2726], ["building", 2726], ["heat", 2731], ["heats", 2731], ["heated", 2731], ["within", 2738], ["inside", 2774], ["claim", 2789], ["claiming", 2789], ["squirm", 2808], ["squirmed", 2808], ["lean", 2835], ["leans", 2835], ["leaning", 2835], ["back", 2840], ["replace", 2867], ["replaced", 2867], ["coherent", 2876], ["thought", 2884], ["fill", 2896], ["fills", 2896], ["filled", 2896], ["center", 2907], ["first", 2913], ["firstest", 2913], ["welcome", 2954], ["welcomed", 2954], ["moan", 2971], ["moans", 2971], ["moanest", 2971], ["insert", 2985], ["inserted", 2985], ["another", 2993], ["forth", 3018], ["cry", 3041], ["cried", 3041], ["pleasure", 3061], ["become", 3068], ["became", 3068], ["contain", 3096], ["containest", 3096], ["nearly", 3109], ["weep", 3114], ["weeps", 3114], ["wept", 3114], ["protest", 3125], ["protestest", 3125], ["simultaneously", 3178], ["deft", 3268], ["bunch", 3297], ["bunchest", 3297], ["bunched", 3297], ["bare", 3325], ["ass", 3329], ["expose", 3337], ["exposed", 3337], ["cold", 3349], ["warm", 3375], ["open", 3400], ["opened", 3400], ["attentive", 3417], ["finger", 3425], ["fingers", 3425], ["grow", 3442], ["growest", 3442], ["growing", 3442], ["desperation", 3454], ["shirt", 3489], ["pant", 3508], ["pants", 3508], ["rock", 3539], ["hard", 3544], ["abdomen", 3552], ["enjoy", 3563], ["enjoyed", 3563], ["enjoying", 3563], ["muscle", 3587], ["muscles", 3587], ["clench", 3597], ["clenched", 3597], ["touch", 3615], ["touching", 3615], ["head", 3648], ["firmly", 3655], ["place", 3664], ["lip", 3679], ["lipped", 3679], ["lips", 3679], ["plunder", 3689], ["plundered", 3689], ["tongue", 3702], ["tonguing", 3702], ["circle", 3711], ["circling", 3711], ["tease", 3723], ["teasing", 3723], ["tickle", 3759], ["tickling", 3759], ["tickled", 3759], ["outer", 3769], ["outers", 3769], ["spread", 3799], ["spreading", 3799], ["wide", 3814], ["beg", 3832], ["begging", 3832], ["thumb", 3864], ["thumbed", 3864], ["magical", 3876], ["soon", 3917], ["jut", 3925], ["jutting", 3925], ["writhe", 3953], ["writhes", 3953], ["writhing", 3953], ["slump", 3979], ["slumps", 3979], ["slumped", 3979], ["remove", 4001], ["removed", 4001], ["moment", 4025], ["come", 4041], ["came", 4041], ["tear", 4054], ["teared", 4054], ["tore", 4054], ["front", 4064], ["open", 4082], ["powerful", 4100], ["push", 4117], ["pushed", 4117], ["cup", 4125], ["bra", 4136], ["bras", 4136], ["aside", 4142], ["lick", 4153], ["licked", 4153], ["pucker", 4166], ["puckering", 4166], ["puckerest", 4166], ["puckered", 4166], ["nipple", 4173], ["nipples", 4173], ["lap", 4183], ["laps", 4183], ["lapping", 4183], ["moan", 4230], ["moans", 4230], ["moanest", 4230], ["moaning", 4230], ["yank", 4242], ["yanks", 4242], ["yanked", 4242], ["yanking", 4242], ["left", 4260], ["leave", 4260], ["toss", 4283], ["tossing", 4283], ["floor", 4306], ["silently", 4315], ["give", 4335], ["breast", 4352], ["breasted", 4352], ["breasting", 4352], ["equal", 4358], ["lean", 4381], ["leans", 4381], ["leaned", 4381], ["continue", 4420], ["continued", 4420], ["worship", 4431], ["wildly", 4481], ["knowledgeable", 4495], ["recline", 4560], ["reclined", 4560], ["cushion", 4585], ["cushioning", 4585], ["bend", 4646], ["bent", 4646], ["taste", 4655], ["close", 4674], ["closed", 4674], ["ride", 4692], ["rode", 4692], ["explosion", 4706], ["rush", 4726], ["rushed", 4726], ["area", 4772], ["stomach", 4787], ["stomachs", 4787], ["stomaching", 4787], ["sensitive", 4803], ["flesh", 4809], ["fleshest", 4809], ["inner", 4822], ["thigh", 4829], ["thighs", 4829], ["path", 4867]]

i woke up in the morning and rushed through the afternoon just so that i could be with jerry right when he got home from work . if he wanted me to mow his front lawn in the nude , i would have done it . i had lived for him and with him for almost two years . cant anyone understand what i feel ? what i lost ? the jacob i had imagined looked down at me and shook his head . he remained silent sitting next to me . i parked my car at its designated spot on the street in front of my sisters home . jacob disappeared into a tiny crack in my brain . on christmas day derrick , gina and i went to an early mass . at my suggestion , derrick had called the church to verify the time . the priest was really young . he must have only been two or three years older than me . we were sitting in the fifth pew from the front . i couldnt really pay attention to what he was saying because there was a baby crying in the pew behind me . the mass eventually ended and i didnt feel any holier than when i had come in . i felt fonky exactly the way i felt the last time like i didnt fit in or belong there . i felt like god was shaking his head at me disapprovingly . i felt like i havent done anything with the life he gave me yet and i still didnt know what i was supposed to do . i felt sad and empty inside . i wished i had my journal with me . i would have tried to write down my thoughts . after mass the three of us drove to los angeles to visit derricks family . while we were sitting in traffic gina announced loudly out of the blue from the front passenger seat , im going on a sex diet ! i was sitting in the back seat . previously , my mind was blank from watching the trees pass by as derrick slowly crept through the traffic . i was listening to the jazz music playing over the stereo and feeling my eyes fight the urge to roll to the back of my head and fall asleep . i tended to have my best sleep in the car while derrick was driving . but i have to say , ginas unexpected out of the blue announcement woke me up and unwillingly brought me to full attention . there were just some things i preferred not to know . derrick seemed to have been brought out of his driving trance and said , what ? he knew the announcement would affect him in someway . i could sense him debating whether or not he should get cranky . im going on a sex diet , gina said again . she was looking at derrick when she said it . she said it as a challenge . he groaned then took in a deep breath and clenched his jaw . gina smiled then explained , i read in a magazine that a woman lost a lot of weight from having a lot of sex . she ate whatever she wanted but had sex more than three times a day . i want to try it . didnt we just leave church ? wasnt that supposed to be a private conversation between the husband and wife ? why did she have to make her announcement with me in the car ? i slapped my forehead with my right hand . i wished i could be at work instead of in the car with a horny sister . i could see derrick grinning from ear to ear even though all i could see from where i was sitting was the back of his head . okay , he nodded and said in a low whisper that i still managed to hear , we can start your diet in my moms bathroom . i wanted to hurl because i knew he was serious . when we arrived at his parents house derrick and gina left me for a few minutes sitting on the couch . i made idle conversation with derricks grandmother and his cousin . what do you plan on doing when you graduate sugar ? derricks grandmother asked me . my stomach started to hurt . it was the usual feeling that i endured whenever i was asked the question . im still am not sure , i answered honestly . she stared at me for a while with an unreadable expression then said , derrick says you work in retail . you dont see yourself doing anything more than that ? youre beautiful and obviously a smart woman . start seeing yourself doing something you love for a living . it isnt about how much money you make or how much stuff you own . its whats in here . she pointed to her own heart . do what you love for a living . be your own boss . my eyes misted a little . what do i love to do ? gina and derrick returned holding hands and smiling . ginas hair was down . when we first arrived she had her braids twisted in a bun on her head . no , they didnt do what they said theyd do . i held my stomach and tried not to hurl . derricks mother cooked a file gumbo . it was good , but it wasnt anything close to my moms . later in the evening presents were shoved at everyone . christmas was finally done and over with when we were on the freeway heading home .

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grace touched a hand lightly to her chest . `` a bit of congestion , i 'm afraid . '' the dowager 's nostrils flared as she peered down at the cup in her hands . `` i do hope you did not breathe on my chocolate . '' `` of course not , ma'am . the kitchen maids always carry the tray up . '' the dowager evidently did not find any reason to ponder that further , and she turned back to her newspaper , leaving grace alone once more with her thoughts of mr. audley . mr. audley . at that grace stood . `` i sighed ? '' `` no , '' grace replied . `` that is to say , i did not notice that i sighed , but i certainly allow that i could have done so . '' the dowager waved an irritated hand in her direction . `` you are most distracting this morning . '' grace felt her eyes light up . did this mean she 'd escape early ? `` sit down , miss eversleigh . '' the dowager set down her newspaper and pressed her lips together . `` tell me about my grandson . '' and the blush returned . the dowager 's right eyebrow did a rather good imitation of a parasol top . `` you did show him to his room last night , did n't you ? '' at your directive . '' i am eager to learn what sort of man he is . the future of the family may very well rest in his hands . '' grace thought guiltily of thomas , whom she 'd somehow forgotten in the past twelve hours . he was everything a duke ought to be , and no one knew the castle as he did . not even the dowager . `` er , do n't you think that might be a bit premature , your grace ? '' `` defending my other grandson , are we ? '' something about the dowager 's tone sounded positively malevolent . `` i consider his grace a friend , '' she said carefully . `` i would never wish him ill. '' `` pfft . if mr. cavendish - and do n't you dare call him mr. audley - really is the legitimate issue of my john , then you are hardly wishing wyndham ill . the man ought to be grateful . '' `` for having his title pulled from beneath his feet ? '' `` for having had the good fortune to have had it for as long as he did , '' the dowager retorted . `` if mr. - oh , bloody hell , i 'm going to call him john - `` jack , grace thought . `` if john really is my john 's legitimate son , then wyndham never really had the title to begin with . so one could hardly call it stripping . '' `` except that he has been told since birth that it is his . '' `` that 's not my fault , is it ? '' scoffed the dowager . `` and it has hardly been since birth . '' `` no , '' grace allowed . thomas had ascended to the title at the age of twenty , when his father perished of a lung ailment . `` but he has known since birth that it would one day be his , which is much the same thing . '' the dowager grumbled a bit about that , using the same peevish undertone she always used when presented with an argument to which she had no ready contradiction . she gave grace one final glare and then picked up her newspaper again , snapping it upright in front of her face . grace took advantage of the moment to let her posture slip . she did not dare close her eyes . and sure enough , only ten seconds passed before the dowager brought the paper back down and asked sharply , `` do you think he will make a good duke ? '' au - `` grace caught herself just in time . `` er , our new guest ? '' the dowager rolled her eyes at her verbal acrobatics . `` call him mr. cavendish . it is his name . '' `` but it is not what he wishes to be called . '' `` i do n't give a damn what he wishes to be called . the dowager took a long gulp of her chocolate . and it 's a good thing , too . '' she 'd been forced to endure the dowager 's lectures on the natural order of man far too many times to risk provoking a repeat performance . `` you did not answer my question , miss eversleigh . '' grace took a moment to decide upon her reply . `` i really could not say , ma'am . not on such a short acquaintance . '' it was difficult to think of anyone besides thomas holding the title , but mr. audley - for all his lovely friendliness and humor - seemed to lack a certain gravitas . he was intelligent , certainly , but did he possess the acumen and judgment necessary to run an estate the size of wyndham ?

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shed been trying to keep her powers under control , had successfully kept them at bay , though she did not know how shed done it . her legs were frozen , but her powers were not . she would not allow for innocents to be manipulated like pawns for scott and the others sick enjoyment . she would stop them . she would punish them . her entire body began to tremble and her fingertips tingled . the forest was suddenly silent , save for the roar of her lifeblood through racing her veins . she knew her eyes glowed red , and that a dangerous swell of power waited just beneath her skin , pulsing harshly , hissing like fiery serpents . uh oh , jess called out playfully as she glanced in ariannas direction . uh , george , a little help here , scott said and nodded at arianna . i have her immobilized , he said flatly . well , then do something else , scott ordered him . george materialized from the shadows and raised his hands at her . when he did , she felt her fingertips go numb . the world , which seconds earlier was awash in a blood red hue , returned to normal . arianna felt as if her power had seeped from her , as if shed been drained of it . her feet were still anchored to the earth beneath them . i wouldnt bother , scott said to her , acid lacing his words . georges power is that he can freeze everyone elses . we never go out without him , he laughed , a vile , cruel laugh . scott , please stop this . scott glanced at her briefly and smirked . im immune to pretty girls who beg , he hissed . but nice try , anyway . arianna felt her stomach roil angrily , as if somersaulting over a slithering beast inside her belly that moved unendingly . the energy that would have heedlessly rushed from her core and stopped him had been immobilized . she was forced to watch in disgust as scott moved sarah like a marionette on strings guided by his malevolent hands . blood and dirt streaked sarahs face as she cried and begged scott to stop . sarah sobbed as she looked in fright at gina who lay still in a garnet puddle . but scott simply sneered at her , ignoring her pleas , and made her swing her branch again at the person closest to her . steve , the boy with the dreadlocks , was nearest and trembled so violently , his twisted strands of hair looked as if theyd come to life . he tried to move , to run from sarah , but chris was too busy chatting with jess and held his arms , unmoving , in front of him . like a cow awaiting slaughter , scott muttered as he angled his arm back as far as it would go . his stance was that of a baseball player intending to send a pitch sailing over the farthest fence of the playing field . then , with lightning-fast speed , he whipped it forward in a wide arc . sarahs arms did the same , only holding the thick branch . arianna shrieked , no ! steves eyes widened in fright before the branch crashed against his temple . the impact of the hit sent blood spraying in every direction , as well as one of his eyes , before he collapsed to the ground . arianna screamed red colored the leaves around steves head . he gurgled and convulsed several times before life escaped him . ire coursed through ariannas veins like fire , raging and blazing , urging her body to act . but she was being held by george . the name raised every hair on her body like quills . she would have her moment with him if it were the last thing she ever did , but only after scott were punished for what hed done . her thoughts of vengeance , though comforting , were fleeting . the carnage around her was overwhelming , but had yet to end . sarah and jeff remained . and scott had already begun to send sarah after jeff . my guy is so boring ! jess complained and set jeffs fists into motion . jeff wept and he looked at his fists in disgust . jess brushed her wrists forward and his feet moved without coordination right to sarah . w-whatre you doing ? jeff cried as jess inched him closer to sarahs deadly branch . im bored already , jess sighed . jeff called seconds before scott cocked his arms back and swung again , making sarahs arms do the same . jeff cried again . but his cries were interrupted by a sickly thud . he tumbled to the ground , crimson staining his neon hat . he tried to scramble to his feet , wounded , but still alive , when scott sent sarah to where he scrambled . he had her swing her branch high over her head then bring it down hard , again and again , until specks of blood and matter covered her face and jeffs skull had been caved in .

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`` how does anybody stand this ? '' ally wondered the same thing . the wind brought tears that froze to her cheeks . but she 'd never admit to anyone , especially mitchell , that she found the weather intimidating . this was her first full day . she 'd get used to it . by next winter , she 'd spit in the face of a wind like this . and not literally . anybody who spit into this wind would get stabbed in the eye when that spit came back as an icicle . she 'd never been so cold in her life . she 'd be willing to eat roadkill moose-meat pie for the privilege of getting warm again . even more significant , she 'd be willing to end up in a kitchen alone with mitchell if she were guaranteed a toasty place with zero wind . ah , mitchell . she hated the idea of hurting the tender feelings of any human being , but mitchell had to face facts . despite his delectable-looking mouth and his sense of rhythm , despite the glint of humor that had made him seem semi-sexy for a split second , he was still mitchell the nerd . and she would never , ever , in a million , trillion years , be his main squeeze . * * * mitch wondered what he 'd done to deserve this-plowing his way through nut-numbing wind and snow so that he could dine on roadkill . he 'd tried to live a decent life , pay taxes , contribute to charity , and support the dodgers , win or lose . he recycled . he 'd thought his reward for all that had been madeline jarrett hiring him . it appeared that , instead , he was being punished for some unforgivable transgression . he should be working on whatever story he planned to tell ally once they were alone , but his brain was frozen solid . madeline had made it very clear that he was not to reveal that he 'd been hired to guard ally unless her life was in immediate danger . a woman like ally , madeline had said , would hate the idea of a bodyguard and would sabotage his efforts if she knew about them . this damn weather was enough sabotage to deal with . if he had to live in a place like this-which would never happen , but say he was forced at gunpoint by aliens with superhuman strength-then he 'd construct a series of heated tunnels between buildings so that he never had to go outside in the winter . he trudged along behind ally , who seemed to be using betsy as a windbreak . mitch did n't blame her . as the tallest member of the three blind mice , he caught the gale full in the face , or what used to be his face . he could n't feel his lips anymore . when he finally got inside , they might crack and fall off . after what seemed like about a hundred years , betsy opened the front door of the loose moose and they all funneled inside , stomping their boots on the mat in front of the door . stomping was good , mitch decided . if he stomped hard enough , he might get some circulation back in his toes . `` hang your coats on that rack by the door and stick your boots underneath the bench . '' betsy unzipped her coat and flipped back her hood . `` with you two being the only ones in the lodge , you might as well use that spot for your stuff , instead of letting it drip all the way up the stairs . i 'll go on back to the kitchen and turn on the oven . '' ally 's teeth chattered as she took off her coat and draped it over a brass hook by the door . `` i wonder if i c-could c-crawl in the oven with the moose-meat pie . '' mitch itched to tell her i told you so , but he did n't . he needed her to like him a little bit so she would n't dig in her heels at every suggestion he made . `` does betsy have a dog ? '' he hung up his coat beside hers . god , it was orange . it hurt his eyes every time he looked at it . `` i have n't seen a dog since i 've been here . '' ally sat down on the bench and tugged off her boots . the extreme cold seemed to have sobered her right up . `` we need a way to make the moose-meat pie disappear . '' `` i 'm thinking the garbage disposal . but then what will we eat ? i really am hungry . '' maybe we can find some bread and peanut butter in her cupboards . '' he was a little sorry to watch tipsy ally being replaced by in-control ally . she might be more of a problem for him under the influence , but she sure was funny . she thought he 'd been paralyzed by humiliation back at the top hat , when in fact he 'd been clenching his jaw to keep from laughing .

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["jaw", 4311], ["jaws", 4311], ["jawed", 4311], ["jawest", 4311], ["keep", 4319], ["keepest", 4319], ["laugh", 4333], ["laughing", 4333]]

i pull back and examine him as an anemic spray of moonlight dusts over his body - his broad chest , the curves of his well-hewn arms . i run my hands over his skin and appreciate the granite-like texture , nothing but skin over steel . a ragged breath escapes me as i reach down and run my fingers through the soft curls just below his hips . cruise is hard , like he was this afternoon , and this time there 's no metric distance between us , no audience to depreciate the moment , just the two of us , all night , nowhere to go . i close my fingers around him , and he lets out a heated breath . he buries the whisper directly in my ear . my fingers flex over him . he 's smooth , like velvet covering marble - a ridge traces up the back toward the tip . i run my hand to the base and touch him underneath where the skin is soft and tender , so incredibly full . it takes both my hands just to hold him . `` i love you , '' he whispers , dotting my neck with kisses . his hands slide down the back of my underwear and stop high on my hips . my body arches into his , and every ounce of me cries out for him to remove them , to explore every intimate part of me with his touch , his mouth . cruise runs his fingers along the elastic and gives a gentle tug . his heart pounds erratic over mine , letting me know without a doubt , he craves this as much as i do . he pulls off my underwear , unhinges my bra , and i 'm quick to toss it to the side . cruise pulls me in with erotically slow , barely there kisses . this unbearable ache to have him is mounting to an all-out explosion . cruise hikes up on his elbow and washes over me with a peaceable smile . i glance down at my pale arms , my breasts that bloom like magnolias in the night , paper-white and glowing . his dimples flex as he takes me in . `` i 've never done this before , '' he whispers it like a secret buried in midnight , and for a moment , i wonder if all the male prowess was nothing but an act , but i doubt that . i gently drag my nails across his chest like painting a picture . `` had sex ? '' `` are you feeling like a virgin ? '' i meant for it come out soaked in sarcasm , but it sails from my lips as if i were presenting him with a menu - myself as the virgin . i 'm too locked up in the beauty of the moment to leverage any of this with humor . i run my fingers through his hair and quiver for him . `` i 've had sex plenty of times , but i 've never made love . '' he says it with an earnestness that can only be born from the truth . cruise lies back over me with the curve of a naughty smile - and the sheets - the bed - the room ignites in an invisible blaze . he pours over me with a string of molten kisses , dragging his lips to my breast , and my body electrifies with a charge of erotic bliss like i have never known . a staccato series of breaths choke out of me as his tongue lashes over my body . cruise covers his mouth over my nipple and drinks me down , eliciting a groan from my throat as i tremble beneath him . a soft ache pinches my stomach as i writhe with fervor . cruise enjoys each one in a wash of affection as if they were enough for the evening all on their own . he slides down to the distal end of the bed and sinks a kiss just under my belly before gliding further south as if he had a far more intimate location in mind to grace me with his lips . i hike up my elbows as a surge of panic rails through me . i try to reel him back by the wrist , but he rides his hands lower and presses my knees apart . cruise buries the hot of his mouth over the most intimate part of my body before i can protest , and i let out a cry as his tongue rides over me . a breath gets trapped in my lungs from the erotic shock . cruise devours me at a quickened pace , and i dig my fingers in his hair as the room spins out of control . cruise loses himself in me for a blissful eternity - hours , weeks , until a surge of pleasure rockets through me that redefines ecstasy on a whole new level . my back arches as my muscles spasm , leaving me to quake uncontrollably . cruise sweeps soft kisses over my belly , and i cinch my legs together hard , still reeling from the oscillatory pitch of cruise 's love . he gives a husky laugh as he swims back up and lands a kiss just shy of my ear . he says it out of breath , brazenly covering my mouth with his , and i taste him , sweet and wet from his love for me . i melt under the supervision of cruise 's affection , stunned into a honeyed surrender . cruise was the sky , and i was his star .

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4074], ["sweeps", 4074], ["cinch", 4114], ["cinches", 4114], ["leg", 4122], ["legs", 4122], ["together", 4131], ["still", 4144], ["reel", 4152], ["reeling", 4152], ["oscillatory", 4173], ["pitch", 4179], ["husky", 4216], ["laugh", 4222], ["swim", 4234], ["swiming", 4234], ["swims", 4234], ["land", 4252], ["lands", 4252], ["shy", 4268], ["shying", 4268], ["brazenly", 4316], ["taste", 4357], ["sweet", 4369], ["wet", 4377], ["melt", 4407], ["meltest", 4407], ["supervision", 4429], ["stun", 4462], ["stuns", 4462], ["stunned", 4462], ["surrender", 4487], ["surrenders", 4487], ["surrenderest", 4487], ["surrendering", 4487], ["sky", 4508], ["star", 4529], ["starred", 4529]]

his brown eyes were soft with appreciation . `` you made quite an impression on her , you know . '' alix had begun to think of sarah turner as her honorary grandma . she could n't remember having grandparents of her own , although she must have . at any rate , neither her maternal nor paternal grandparents had played a role in her life . if they had , she might not have ended up in foster care . she 'd never spent time around elderly people , so meeting jordan 's grandmother had been an experience . grandma liked to talk and alix had found her fascinating . everyone in the family had heard grandma 's stories , but not alix and she hung on every word . grandma talked about the depression and world war ii , when she 'd worked as a school secretary for twenty-five cents an hour . later , when her husband was in the army overseas , grandma turner had gone to work at the shipyard in portland , oregon , as a welder and saved five thousand dollars . at the time , that amount of money was a fortune . with her savings they were able to purchase the property on star lake , near seattle , where she lived to this very day . the turners had raised their two sons there ; she 'd been a widow nearly twenty years . jordan reached for alix 's hand and entwined their fingers . `` how about if we splurge and go to a movie ? '' he smiled and alix leaned close to give him a lingering kiss . they left soon afterward , stopping at alix 's place just long enough for her to change clothes . she 'd been tired and cranky when jordan arrived , but no more . date night with her fiance was exactly what alix needed to lift her spirits and take her mind off the fuss everyone was making over their wedding . her irritation was a symptom of nerves , she realized . by the time of the wedding , she 'd be past all of that and eager to settle into married life . wedding cake ! and she was baking her own . on that , alix would n't budge . a few weeks ago , she 'd tried to convince jordan to elope . now she understood how foolish that idea had been . susan turner would never forgive her if they got married in secrecy . when they were back from the movie-a romantic comedy alix had chosen-jordan reminded her that they could n't put the invitations off any longer . they sat side by side at her kitchen table in the donovans ' guesthouse and flipped through the huge three-ring binders , hoping to make a selection . some of the invitations were elaborate and eye-catching , but those did n't suit alix 's taste in the least . she thought others were far too frilly and jordan agreed . and some were just ... silly . she could n't imagine who 'd want donald and daisy duck on a wedding invitation . the simpler examples seemed too plain . in the end , after going through each binder twice , alix could n't find a single one she liked that would pass muster with jacqueline and susan turner . `` i wish i had time to make them myself . '' alix had looked forward to that . something elegant , individual ... `` i wish you did , too , '' jordan murmured , his head close to hers . `` you decide , '' she told him tiredly . she did n't want jordan to think she was n't interested , because she was . but her choices were n't acceptable to susan and jacqueline-wedding planners run amok , she thought with a sudden grin . `` what am i going to tell my mother ? '' he sounded a bit desperate . unable to stop herself , alix grinned again . apparently she was n't the only one afraid to stand up to susan turner . well , that was n't entirely fair . susan was his mother and wanted the best for them . the turner family had put their very heart-and their bank account-into this wedding , and the donovans had , as well . `` i know what we 'll do , '' alix said , feeling inspired . jordan asked eagerly . alix laughed and threw her arms around him . `` choose one , '' she insisted . `` any one will do . close your eyes if you want . '' giving her a puzzled glance , he opened the first binder and turned a few pages . he pointed to one of the more elaborate designs . alix wrinkled her nose . `` that one , then , '' he said , pointing to one on the opposite page . `` that 's no better . '' `` okay , you choose , '' he said . she picked out an invitation with disney characters . she purposely picked out one she knew jordan would object to . she beamed him a smile . `` we ca n't decide and we ca n't compromise , right ? ''

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464], ["grandmother", 479], ["experience", 502], ["experienced", 502], ["like", 518], ["liked", 518], ["talk", 526], ["find", 545], ["found", 545], ["fascinating", 561], ["everyone", 572], ["family", 586], ["hear", 596], ["hears", 596], ["heard", 596], ["story", 615], ["stories", 615], ["hung", 643], ["hang", 643], ["hangs", 643], ["every", 652], ["word", 657], ["talk", 674], ["talked", 674], ["depression", 695], ["world", 705], ["war", 709], ["ii", 712], ["work", 733], ["wrought", 733], ["worked", 733], ["school", 745], ["schooling", 745], ["secretary", 755], ["twenty", 766], ["five", 771], ["fived", 771], ["cent", 777], ["cents", 777], ["hour", 785], ["later", 793], ["husband", 812], ["husbanding", 812], ["army", 828], ["overseas", 837], ["go", 863], ["goest", 863], ["gone", 863], ["work", 871], ["wrought", 871], ["shipyard", 887], ["portland", 899], ["oregon", 908], ["welder", 922], ["save", 932], ["saved", 932], ["thousand", 946], ["dollar", 954], ["dollars", 954], ["amount", 982], 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["soon", 1406], ["afterward", 1416], ["stop", 1427], ["stopping", 1427], ["place", 1444], ["long", 1454], ["longs", 1454], ["enough", 1461], ["change", 1479], ["clad", 1487], ["clothe", 1487], ["clothes", 1487], ["tired", 1507], ["cranky", 1518], ["arrive", 1538], ["arrived", 1538], ["date", 1559], ["night", 1565], ["fiance", 1581], ["exactly", 1593], ["need", 1610], ["needest", 1610], ["needed", 1610], ["lift", 1618], ["spirit", 1630], ["spirited", 1630], ["spirits", 1630], ["take", 1639], ["mind", 1648], ["minding", 1648], ["fuss", 1661], ["fussing", 1661], ["wedding", 1700], ["irritation", 1717], ["symptom", 1731], ["nerve", 1741], ["nerves", 1741], ["realize", 1756], ["realized", 1756], ["past", 1802], ["eager", 1824], ["settle", 1834], ["marry", 1847], ["married", 1847], ["cake", 1867], ["bake", 1888], ["baked", 1888], ["bakes", 1888], ["baking", 1888], ["budge", 1929], ["week", 1943], ["weeks", 1943], ["ago", 1947], ["try", 1962], ["tryed", 1962], ["tried", 1962], ["convince", 1974], ["convinced", 1974], ["convincing", 1974], ["elope", 1990], ["understand", 2011], ["understanded", 2011], ["understood", 2011], ["foolish", 2023], ["idea", 2033], ["susan", 2050], ["forgive", 2077], ["forgived", 2077], ["forgiving", 2077], ["get", 2093], ["got", 2093], ["secrecy", 2112], ["back", 2134], ["romantic", 2160], ["comedy", 2167], ["choose", 2183], ["chosen", 2183], ["remind", 2199], ["reminded", 2199], ["put", 2227], ["invitation", 2243], ["invitations", 2243], ["long", 2258], ["longs", 2258], ["sat", 2269], ["sit", 2269], ["side", 2274], ["sidest", 2274], ["kitchen", 2297], ["kitchens", 2297], ["table", 2303], ["tabled", 2303], ["tabling", 2303], ["guesthouse", 2332], ["flip", 2344], ["flipping", 2344], ["flipped", 2344], ["huge", 2361], ["three", 2367], ["rung", 2372], ["rang", 2372], ["ring", 2372], ["binder", 2380], ["binders", 2380], ["hope", 2389], ["hoping", 2389], ["selection", 2409], ["elaborate", 2450], ["eye", 2458], ["eyed", 2458], ["catch", 2467], ["catches", 2467], ["catched", 2467], ["catching", 2467], ["suit", 2492], ["suited", 2492], ["taste", 2506], ["least", 2519], ["leastest", 2519], ["think", 2533], ["thinkest", 2533], ["thought", 2533], ["far", 2549], ["frilly", 2560], ["agree", 2578], ["agreed", 2578], ["silly", 2609], ["imagine", 2633], ["donald", 2652], ["daisy", 2662], ["duck", 2667], ["invitation", 2691], ["simple", 2705], ["simplest", 2705], ["simpler", 2705], ["example", 2714], ["examples", 2714], ["seem", 2721], ["seeming", 2721], ["seemed", 2721], ["plain", 2731], ["plains", 2731], ["end", 2744], ["ends", 2744], ["endest", 2744], ["go", 2758], ["goest", 2758], ["going", 2758], ["binder", 2778], ["twice", 2784], ["find", 2806], ["single", 2815], ["pass", 2845], ["musters", 2852], ["musterest", 2852], ["jacqueline", 2868], ["wish", 2897], ["look", 2949], ["looked", 2949], ["forward", 2957], ["forwardest", 2957], ["forwarding", 2957], ["elegant", 2985], ["individual", 2998], ["head", 3058], ["decide", 3088], 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4406], ["compromised", 4406], ["right", 4414], ["rightest", 4414]]

father is n't aware of the situation just yet , and i do n't know what to say . i can not keep turning people away . it makes everything look worse . and poor sebastian wants to murder him . '' as the words penetrated into her heart , she realized she had awoken to a real nightmare . rawlings , the man who held her heart in the palm of his hand , had abandoned her . he really was the devil everyone said . and at one and eight , she was ruined for any other man . how could a girl love anyone without the one thing needed in order to engage in such an emotion ? one 's heart . chapter eighteen was that whitmore this author spied leaving the rawlings ' estate yesterday afternoon ? curious that such a man would visit rawlings ' house without his presence . for this author has it on good authority that the now wealthy lord rawlings was busy with his solicitor most of the afternoon . fishy indeed , and did it also appear that one of the servants was handing an envelope to our rakish marquess ? mark my words , dear readers . trouble is afoot . -mrs. peabody 's society papers phillip hated to be so hasty , and only hoped that the letter he had left for abigail would explain enough . he 'd been away from all the estates for years . once he left the solicitor 's office , he was overwhelmed with the responsibility . how had all of those tenants survived so long without him ? had his mother even visited ? or taken care of them during the hard winters ? feeling cruel and bitter , he stopped at his townhome to pen a quick note to be delivered to the tempest residence as soon as possible . he then grabbed what things he would need for the next four days and took off like a shot from a pistol . people depended on him , and for once in his life he felt a purpose welling up within him . suddenly proud , he could n't help but smile the entire way to his first estate in essex . the rain poured and this time , with a laugh , phillip lifted his eyes heavenward and enjoyed the cool wet drops as they poured purposefully down his face . with each raindrop he felt his new life emerging , as if he was nothing but a shadow of himself before . he had love and his father had never intended for him to live the way he had . his bitterness had done nothing but keep him from his destiny , from his happiness . the cool water splashed and spilled over his chin , cleansing him . it seemed , in that moment , that the devil of a man was forever gone , and in his place was a man truly redeemed . the name hung in the air . he needed to see her , to speak to her . she 'd always believed in him . had n't she loved him when he was at his worst ? she might be a trifle upset that he did n't hand deliver the letter , but in all honesty he knew if he was to bring it she would stop at nothing until he allowed her to accompany him , and he could n't have her with him while he traveled in the wet , murky countryside . four days later , and utterly exhausted , phillip hardly had any energy left , but he had to see her . for three nights she had haunted his dreams , and for three nights he had awoken with unfulfilled need . his body burning with unquenched desire from the siren . it was more than torture to have to wait the hour before he was back in the city . even though he looked worse for the wear , he jumped from the curricle and pounded on the tempest townhome , ready to scale the walls if they did n't make haste and open the blasted door . the butler answered , and for once did not look behind phillip to make sure nobody was the wiser to his presence , but took it upon himself to slam the door in phillip 's face . he knocked again and shouted , `` what in the blazes is wrong with you ? the door opened so fast it nearly knocked him down the three steps behind him . `` you must have some nerve ! '' sebastian fumed . `` nerve ? to knock on your door ? funny , i would call it common sense , unless you 'd rather i scale the wall or crawl in through the window . whatever is wrong with you , seb ? `` i 'm going to give you two minutes to take your lying presence off my property before i get my pistol . '' sebastian 's face was tired and worn . his eyes looked sullen , and dark purple bruises seemed to mar the skin underneath his eyes . the duke looked like death , leaving phillip to assume the worst . something had happened to emma . trying to offer support , he braced sebastian , but was pushed away with a curse . `` she is fine , no thanks to you . what did you think would happen , phillip ? you disappeared for days after the announcement was made .

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