transcription/"Loyalty" Sermon about God, marriage, in-laws, and faithfulness.webm.en.srt

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Now, tonight I want to preach about the subject
of loyalty.

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Now, loyalty is not a word that's used in
the Bible, but the Bible does use the word

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faithfulness over a hundred times, and if
you look up the word loyalty in a dictionary,

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the dictionary I used had three definitions
for loyalty and they all included the word

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faithfulness in the definition.

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I looked up loyal in the dictionary.

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It said, number one: The state or quality
of being loyal; faithfulness to commitment

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or obligations, is loyalty.

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Faithful to commitments or obligations.

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Number two, it said: Faithful adherence to
a sovereign government, leader, cause, et

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cetera; and Number three: An example or instance
of faithfulness, adherence, or the like.

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The reason I use the word loyal is that faithfulness
has a lot of definitions.

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It means a few different things, whereas loyalty
is a little bit more of a specific word that

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kind of narrows down exactly what we're talking
about.

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I want to preach about the fact that we must
be loyal to certain people in our lives and

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in a certain order of priority.

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Now, first of all, it should go without saying,
go to Matthew, Chapter Ten, that the number

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one loyalty we should have in our lives is
our loyalty to Jesus Christ.

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If you look up that word faithful in the Bible,
and you look at the scriptures that are admonishing

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us to be faithful, most of them are telling
us to be faithful to the Lord and be faithful

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to Jesus Christ, because obviously that should
be our number one loyalty.

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Matthew, Chapter Ten, Verse Thirty-Seven reads:
"He that loveth father or mother more than

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me, is not worthy of me and he that loveth
son or daughter more than me, is not worthy

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of me and he that taketh not his cross and
followeth after me is not worthy of me."

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In this scripture we see that some of our
dearest relationships - our parents, and our

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children - should not be closer to us than
our relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.

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We can't love them more than we love Jesus
Christ.

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Our number one loyalty is to the Lord Jesus
Christ.

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Go to First Samuel, Chapter Two.

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This is one that we looked at last Sunday
in a different sermon, a different context.

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First Samuel, Chapter number Two.

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While you're turning there, I'll read to you
from Mark Ten-Twenty-Nine, where the Bible

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reads: "And Jesus answered and said, 'verily
I say unto you, there is no man that had left

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house or brethren or sisters or father or
mother or wife or children or lands, for my

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sake and the gospel's, but he shall receive
a hundredfold now in this time houses and

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brethren and sisters and mothers and children
and lands with persecutions and in the world

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to come, eternal life.'"

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Again, God is telling us that there's a time
when you have to choose God over family.

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You have to choose God over your friends.

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You have to choose God over houses or lands.

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You have to choose God over a spouse, over
parents, over children.

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Jesus Christ must hold the number one place
in our lives.

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In all things he must have the preeminence
and we should never be more loyal to anyone

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or anything than we are loyal to the Lord
Jesus Christ.

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First Samuel Two-Twenty-Nine, this is where
Eli is being rebuked and it says in Verse

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Twenty-Nine: "Wherefore kick ye at my sacrifice
and at mine offering, which I have commanded

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in my habitation, and honors thy sons above
me, to make yourselves fat with the chiefest

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of all the offerings of Israel, my people."

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This is a case of someone putting their children
above the Lord and being more loyal to children

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than the Lord.

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Another example of this that would be a positive
example, is First Kings Fifteen.

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Flip over there.

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First Kings, Chapter Fifteen.

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Now should be loyal to our parents?

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Absolutely.

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The Bible teaches, for example, in the Ten
Commandments: "Honor they father and thy mother,

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that thy days may be long upon the land which
the Lord they God giveth thee."

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Then Ephesians Six in the New Testament says,
"Honor they father and mother, which is the

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first commandment with promise that it may
be well with thee and that thou mayest live

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long on the earth."

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Proverbs Twenty-Three-Twenty-Two tells us:
"Hearken under thy father that begat thee

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and despise not thy mother when she is old."

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Should we be loyal to our parents in the sense
that we love them, honor them and when they

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get old, take care of them?

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Absolutely.

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He says, "Look, don't despise your mother
when she's old.

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Honor your father and mother."

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First Timothy Five teaches that, I'll read
it for you, you don't have to turn there,

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but Verse Three: "Honor widows that are widows
indeed, but if any widow have children or

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nephews, let them learn first to show piety
at home and to requite their parents, for

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that is good and acceptable before God."

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What's the Bible saying?

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Your mother is a widow and she's old and needs
to be taken care of, it is your job as the

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child or the nephew to take care of your destitute
mother because we should not forsake our parents

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and have no loyalty to them.

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No, we should have loyalty to our parents.

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The Bible teaches that.

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It says in First Timothy Five-Sixteen: "If
any man or woman that believeth have widows,

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let them relieve them and let not the church
be charged that it may relieve them that are

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widows indeed."

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God teaches that we should honor our parents
and when the Bible uses the word honor it

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has to do with providing for their needs and
it's talking about financially.

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That's what the word honor often means in
the Bible.

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Just if you study the English word honor and
the origins of it, for example, the old English

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word, if you go back to old English, like
a thousand years ago, the word was [árweorðung

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00:05:34] and it meant, not only honor in
the sense of giving someone respect, but it

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also meant that you were actually paying tribute
to a king in a financial way.

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Because old English was spoken by the sea-faring
people around England and so forth, and so

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a lot of them were conquered by the Vikings
and so forth, and they had to pay [árweorðung

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00:05:56] or they had to pay honor to these
kings.

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Now it makes sense that those two definitions
would kind of merge together in the word honor,

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because if you're honoring a king, what do
you honor him with?

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You honor him with gold and gifts, and so
forth.

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When the Bible says to honor your father and
mother, it's often tied in with taking care

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of them financially when they're old.

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Like, for example, the Bible said that Jesus
was disputing with the Pharisees in Matthew

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Fifteen and he told them, "Hey, the scripture
says honor they father and mother, but your

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tradition is saying any man that says corban,
that is to say it is a gift, concerning whatsoever

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thou mightest be profited by me, and it says
you don't suffer him to do ought for his mother

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and father, you're making the word of God
of no effect when it says honor they father

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and mother."

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Honor thy father and mother isn't just saying
honor them like respect them or treat them

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well.

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It does mean that also, but it also contains
the meaning of paying for their needs when

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they become old and need that if they don't
have any money.

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That used to be the retirement plan by the
way, before social security was instituted

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in the 1930s, parents were taken care of by
their children when they were old.

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Children and grandchildren would chip in and
take care of their parents.

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That's what the Bible commands, and I could
do a whole sermon where I go over that, but

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there's a lot of scripture about honoring
your parents, loving your parents, taking

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care of them, not despising them when they're
old, not forsaking them.

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Loyalty to your parents is important, but
loyalty to Jesus Christ has to trump loyalty

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to parents.

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That's your number one loyalty.

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Look if you would at this story of a guy who
understood that.

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First Kings Fifteen-Eleven.

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This is King Asa and the Bible says: "And
Asa did that which was right in the eyes of

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the Lord as did David his father."

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We don't have to wonder whether what he did
was right here or not.

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God comes right out and tells us Asa did what
was right, and he's going to explain to us

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the right thing that he did.

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Verse Twelve: "He took away the Sodomites
out of the land."

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That's always a good place to start.

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"He took away the Sodomites out of the land
and removed all the idols that his fathers

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had made.

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And also Maachah, his mother, even her."

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Look at those two words - even her.

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"He removed from being queen because she had
made an idol in a grove and Asa destroyed

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her idol and burnt it by the brook Kidron,
but the high places were not removed.

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Nevertheless, Asa's heart was perfect with
the Lord all his days."

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The Bible is saying that it was right of King
Asa to take his mother out of the position

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of being queen because she had made this idol
and was teaching false religion, and he even

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destroyed her idol and burnt it and destroyed
it.

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The Bible is showing us a great example here
of a guy who understood.

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Look, we love our parents, we should honor
our father and mother, we should respect them,

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but there comes a point where if we have to
choose between honoring the Lord and honoring

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our parents, our loyalty is to Christ first
and foremost.

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That has to be our main loyalty.

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Now, not only does the Bible teach that we
should be loyal to Christ; it teaches that

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we should be loyal to our parents.

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It also talks about the fact that we should
be loyal to our friends.

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Turn if you would to Proverbs Twenty-Seven.

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Proverbs Twenty-Seven, and while you're turning
there I'll read you an example from Second

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Timothy, Chapter One, of a guy who was loyal
to his friends.

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This is a guy by the name of Onesiphorus.

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Onesiphorus was a friend of the Apostle, Paul,
and he was loyal to him.

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It says in verse Fifteen: "This thou ..." Wait
for me there in Proverbs, I'll be there in

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a moment.

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"This thou knowest, that all they which are
in Asia, be turned away from me."

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These were people that were disloyal to Paul.

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They were not faithful to him.

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In his hour of need, they weren't there for
him.

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It says, "All they are in Asia be turned away
from me, of whom are Phygelus and Hermogenes.

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The Lord give mercy onto the house of Onesiphorous,
for he oft refreshed me and was not ashamed

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of my chain."

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What's he saying?

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He lost a lot of friends by going to prison.

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He'd gone to prison and a lot of his friends
were ashamed of his chain.

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That kind of reminds me of another situation,
but anyway, friends and loved ones and family

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don't want to be associated with him because
they're ashamed of his chain, but Onesiphorous

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was faithful to him.

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He was a loyal friend, and he says, "He oft
refreshed me and was not ashamed of my chain,

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but when he was in Rome he sought me out very
diligently and found me.

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The Lord grant unto him that he may find mercy
of the Lord in that day and in how many things

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he ministered unto me in Ephesus, thou knowest
very well."

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Look down at your Bible there, Proverbs Twenty-Seven,
Verse Ten: "Thine own friend and thy father's

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friend, forsake not.

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Neither go into thy brother's house in the
day of thy calamity, for better is a neighbor

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that is near than a brother that is far off."

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Flip back to Chapter Eighteen.

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The Bible's saying be loyal to your friends
and you're going to be able to rely on them

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in times of need, sometimes even more than
your own family, if you have good friends

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to rely on.

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Be loyal to them because if you're going to
expect loyalty or want to have friends that

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are there for you in your time of need, you
need to be there for them in their time of

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need.

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That's why the Bible says in Chapter Eighteen,
Verse Twenty-Four, "A man who have friends

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must show himself friendly and there is a
friend that sticketh closer than a brother."

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Sometimes our friends can even be closer to
us than our own family.

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It's important to be loyal to them and to
be there for them in their time of need.

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There are a lot of other scriptures on friendship,
but go if you would to Ephesians, chapter

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Five, where we started tonight, Ephesians,
chapter Five.

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While you're turning there, I'll read to you
from Third John, Verse Fourteen: "But I trust

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I shall shortly see thee and we shall speak
face to face.

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Peace be to thee.

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Our friends salute thee.

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Greet the friends by name."

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You know, the Apostles took great ... They
held great importance in the friendships that

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they had, because you'll notice at the end
of their epistles, like he says, hey, "greet

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the friends by name."

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Paul even went to the great length of listing
what seems like every friend he's ever had

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at the end of Romans.

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Romans, Chapter Sixteen, he just lists friend
after friend after ... Say hi to this person,

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this person, just shout out after shout out,
friend after friend, in Romans Sixteen.

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He just goes on and on, but you know what?

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It shows that he valued his friends.

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Often at the beginning of his epistles, he'll
say something like, "You know what?

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I've been praying for you by name.

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God is my witness that I have been making
mention of you in my prayers night and day."

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That's a pretty bold statement, to say I'm
praying for you by name every day, because

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it's in scripture, so it must be true, that
he was really doing it.

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Paul was somebody who loved and took care
of his friends and was loyal to his friends

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and therefore he had a good friend, Onesiphorous.

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Luke was a good friend, too, other people
that were loyal friends.

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It's important to be loyal to Christ.

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We should be loyal to our parents, we should
be loyal to our friends, but let me say this:

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Our number one loyalty outside of the Lord
Jesus Christ, should be to our spouse.

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This is a conflict that people often come
into in their lives and people often come

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to me and ask me, I've been asked this many
times, where people bring me a situation,

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a stripe in their family problems, and when
you're a pastor, people come to you and talk

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to you about this kind of stuff because they
want to get some kind of advice from the Bible.

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A lot of people have asked me about situations,
and I always tell people the same thing, and

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I'm going to show you why I believe that from
the Bible is that your number one loyalty

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00:13:52,779 --> 00:13:57,799
is to your spouse, outside of Jesus.

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00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:01,840
Because more important than your relationship
with your parents is your relationship with

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00:14:01,839 --> 00:14:03,509
your spouse.

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00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:06,390
Brothers and sisters are not as important
as your spouse.

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00:14:06,389 --> 00:14:08,039
Friends are not as important as your spouse.

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00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:14,240
That I believe is your number one loyalty
outside of the Lord Jesus Christ himself.

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00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:16,440
Now look what the Bible says and tell me if
I'm wrong.

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Look at Ephesians Five, verse Twenty-Eight.

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"So ought men to love their wives as their
own bodies.

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He that loveth his wife loveth himself, for
no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourish

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00:14:27,839 --> 00:14:29,489
it then cherisheth it.

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Even as the Lord the church, for we are members
of his body, of his flesh and of his bones.

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For this cause shall a man leave his father
and mother and shall be joined to his wife

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and they too shall be one flesh.

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This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning
Christ and the church, nevertheless let every

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one of you in particular so love his wife,
even as himself, and the wife see that she

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reverence her husband."

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What do we see in this passage?

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We should love our wife as our own body and
we should consider our wife bone of our bone

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and flesh of our flesh.

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You say, "Well, yeah, but this is family."

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No.

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00:15:06,330 --> 00:15:07,330
Your wife is your family.

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Your husband is your family.

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That is bone of your bone and flesh of your
flesh.

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Who's your closest relative?

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Your wife, and it's not because you're from
Kentucky.

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00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:21,960
I'm saying, now that you're married it's your
closest relative, okay?

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00:15:21,959 --> 00:15:23,739
I'm not saying that you're inbreeding.

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00:15:23,740 --> 00:15:30,120
I'm saying that when you marry your spouse,
you're supposed to leave father and mother

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00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:34,480
and cleave unto your wife and be one flesh
with her.

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That is the great mystery.

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00:15:35,740 --> 00:15:38,640
That is the great relationship in our lives.

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00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:44,250
Now, let me show you a scripture that's one
that most people have never even read, let

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00:15:44,250 --> 00:15:47,180
alone has it ever been preached hardly at
all.

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Go to Numbers, Chapter Thirty.

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00:15:48,790 --> 00:15:49,790
It's an interesting chapter.

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00:15:49,790 --> 00:15:50,790
Numbers, Chapter Thirty.

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00:15:50,790 --> 00:15:56,890
I don't remember ever having heard a sermon
on this.

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00:15:56,889 --> 00:16:01,549
Maybe I preached on ... I'm pretty sure I
preached on this once before in a sermon somewhere,

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00:16:01,550 --> 00:16:02,930
but I'm not even sure.

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00:16:02,930 --> 00:16:08,110
It's kind of one of those obscure chapters
in an obscure book that people don't really

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00:16:08,110 --> 00:16:11,390
think about, but there's an important lesson
in this chapter.

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00:16:11,389 --> 00:16:16,099
Because I think Ephesians Five makes it pretty
clear where your loyalty is when it says you

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00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:21,630
leave your father and mother and you cleave
to your wife.

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Okay?

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00:16:22,630 --> 00:16:24,620
There's a leaving and cleaving.

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00:16:24,620 --> 00:16:26,290
That's a good way to remember it.

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00:16:26,290 --> 00:16:27,870
Leave and cleave.

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00:16:27,870 --> 00:16:32,560
There's a leaving and cleaving that needs
to take place in our lives where we leave

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00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:37,780
our father and mother and cleave unto our
wife and that becomes our new family, our

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00:16:37,779 --> 00:16:39,529
new loyalty right there.

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00:16:39,529 --> 00:16:42,619
Look at Numbers Thirty and let's look at it
from the woman's perspective.

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The Bible says in Verse One: "And Moses spake
unto the heads of the tribes concerning the

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00:16:46,850 --> 00:16:50,840
children of Israel, saying 'This is the thing
which the Lord has commanded."

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00:16:50,839 --> 00:16:51,839
We're going to read the whole chapter.

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00:16:51,839 --> 00:16:53,159
Listen to this chapter.

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00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:59,340
"If a man vow a vow unto the Lord, or swear
an oath to bind his soul with a bond, he shall

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00:16:59,339 --> 00:17:01,069
not break his word.

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00:17:01,070 --> 00:17:05,120
He shall do according to all that proceedeth
out of his mouth."

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00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:09,530
That's just a great verse right there in and
of itself.

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00:17:09,530 --> 00:17:15,650
That's if a man vows a vow unto the Lord,
he must stick with it, he must keep the vow,

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00:17:15,650 --> 00:17:17,870
he must do the thing that's gone out of his
lips.

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00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:21,020
That's Numbers Thirty, Verse Two, but for
the rest of the chapter, he's going to talk

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00:17:21,020 --> 00:17:22,480
about women.

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00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:24,450
First he says, okay here it is for a man.

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Real simple.

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00:17:25,910 --> 00:17:28,750
You make a vow, you keep it, period.

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00:17:28,750 --> 00:17:32,460
Okay, now we're going to spend the whole rest
of the chapter talking about women making

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00:17:32,460 --> 00:17:33,460
a vow.

284
00:17:33,460 --> 00:17:38,540
It says in Verse Three: "If a woman also vow
a vow unto the Lord, and bind herself by a

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00:17:38,540 --> 00:17:44,220
bond, being in her father's house in her youth
..." This is a young lady that's still at

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00:17:44,220 --> 00:17:49,300
home, still living with her parents, and she
makes a vow.

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00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:54,190
It says in Verse Four: "And her father hear
her vow, and her bond were with she had bound

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00:17:54,190 --> 00:17:58,250
her soul, and her father shall hold his peace
at her," meaning he doesn't say anything.

289
00:17:58,250 --> 00:18:00,490
He hears her make the vow and he doesn't say
anything.

290
00:18:00,490 --> 00:18:07,540
"Then all her vows shall stand and every bond
wherewith she hath bound her soul shall stand.

291
00:18:07,539 --> 00:18:12,379
But if her father disallow her in the day
that he heareth, not any of her vows nor of

292
00:18:12,380 --> 00:18:16,490
her bonds wherewith she hath bound her soul
shall stand and the Lord shall forgive her

293
00:18:16,490 --> 00:18:18,540
because her father disallowed her."

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00:18:18,539 --> 00:18:20,549
Now, let's just explain this real quick.

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00:18:20,549 --> 00:18:25,889
What this is saying is that if a girl who's
living with her parents at home swears to

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00:18:25,890 --> 00:18:31,710
do something, makes a vow that she's going
to do this or not do this, and her father

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00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:36,860
hears her make that vow, and doesn't say anything
about it, then that vow stands.

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00:18:36,860 --> 00:18:43,970
But, if she makes that vow and her dad says,
"No, you're not going to do that.

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00:18:43,970 --> 00:18:46,270
No, that vow is not legitimate.

300
00:18:46,270 --> 00:18:50,080
No, I do not approve of you vowing that,"
then that vow just went out the window and

301
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:51,200
means nothing.

302
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:52,200
Why?

303
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:56,160
Because it's not her job to control her own
destiny.

304
00:18:56,160 --> 00:19:01,450
Her father is an authority figure in her life,
and she can't just say, "Well, I'm going to

305
00:19:01,450 --> 00:19:03,230
go do this," or "I'm not going to go do ..." No.

306
00:19:03,230 --> 00:19:04,320
You're not.

307
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,100
He can shut that down.

308
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:11,040
Now when it says "in the day that he hears
of it," that means that if a young lady makes

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00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:17,270
a vow unto the Lord, and it's not in the presence
of her father, and then he hears about it

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00:19:17,271 --> 00:19:21,831
two weeks later, he can disannul it the first
time he hears about it.

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00:19:21,830 --> 00:19:26,830
When he hears about it, even if it's six months
later, oh he hears about it, that's null and

312
00:19:26,830 --> 00:19:29,560
void because I said so.

313
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:34,610
But if he hears about it six months later
and he holds his peace at that time and the

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00:19:34,610 --> 00:19:40,290
whole day goes by and the next day, well then
that vow stands because he didn't say anything.

315
00:19:40,289 --> 00:19:43,369
But if he didn't hear about it ... It's when
he hears about it.

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00:19:43,370 --> 00:19:45,320
Does everybody understand?

317
00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:47,860
Let's keep reading.

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00:19:47,860 --> 00:19:53,660
It says in Verse Six: "And if she had at all
a husband when she vowed, or uttered ought

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00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:57,850
out of her lips wherewith she bound her soul
and her husband heard it, and held his peace

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00:19:57,850 --> 00:20:02,910
at her in the day that he heard it, then her
vow shall stand and her bonds wherewith she

321
00:20:02,909 --> 00:20:06,569
bound her soul shall stand, but if her husband
disallowed her on the day that he heard it

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00:20:06,570 --> 00:20:09,780
..." Again, notice it's when he hears about
it.

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00:20:09,780 --> 00:20:13,910
"Then he shall make her vow which she vowed
and that which she uttered with her lips wherewith

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00:20:13,910 --> 00:20:18,450
she bound her soul of none effect and the
Lord shall forgive her.

325
00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:22,490
But every vow of a widow and of her that is
divorced wherewith they have bound their soul

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00:20:22,490 --> 00:20:27,290
shall stand against her, and if she vowed
in her husband's house or bound her soul by

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00:20:27,289 --> 00:20:31,529
a bond with an oath and her husband heard
it and held his peace at her and disallowed

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00:20:31,530 --> 00:20:34,100
her not, then all her vows shall stand.

329
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:38,130
And every bond wherewith she bound her soul
shall stand, but if her husband hath utterly

330
00:20:38,130 --> 00:20:42,170
made them void on the day that he heard them,
then whatsoever proceedeth out of her lips

331
00:20:42,169 --> 00:20:46,499
concerning her vows or concerning the bond
of her soul shall not stand.

332
00:20:46,500 --> 00:20:50,880
Her husband hath made them void and the Lord
shall forgive her.

333
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:56,910
Every vow and every binding oath to afflict
the soul, her husband may establish it or

334
00:20:56,909 --> 00:20:59,829
her husband may make it void.

335
00:20:59,830 --> 00:21:04,590
But if her husband altogether hold his peace
at her from day to day, then he establishes

336
00:21:04,590 --> 00:21:05,590
all her vows."

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00:21:05,590 --> 00:21:06,590
What is he saying?

338
00:21:06,590 --> 00:21:08,030
Silence is agreement.

339
00:21:08,030 --> 00:21:13,480
"Or all of her bonds which are upon her, he
confirmeth them because he held his peace

340
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,390
at her in the day that he heard them.

341
00:21:16,390 --> 00:21:21,450
But if he shall anyways make them void after
that he hath heard them, then he shall bear

342
00:21:21,450 --> 00:21:23,060
her inequity."

343
00:21:23,059 --> 00:21:26,809
That verse is important, too, Verse Fifteen.

344
00:21:26,809 --> 00:21:28,099
Let's stop and understand it.

345
00:21:28,100 --> 00:21:34,870
"But if he shall anyways make them void after
that he hath heard them, then he shall bear

346
00:21:34,870 --> 00:21:35,870
her inequity."

347
00:21:35,870 --> 00:21:36,870
What does that mean?

348
00:21:36,870 --> 00:21:42,700
That means that if he later on hears about
a vow and he hold his peace when he hears

349
00:21:42,700 --> 00:21:47,920
it or if he immediately hears about a vow
and just doesn't say anything, and then a

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00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:49,770
few weeks later he's like, "You know what?

351
00:21:49,770 --> 00:21:50,770
I changed my mind.

352
00:21:50,770 --> 00:21:53,330
That vow's not going to stand."

353
00:21:53,330 --> 00:22:00,460
Then at point, the vow does not stand, but
he's the one now who's broken the vow and

354
00:22:00,460 --> 00:22:03,070
he gets punished by God.

355
00:22:03,070 --> 00:22:05,110
The curse is on him for breaking a vow.

356
00:22:05,110 --> 00:22:10,390
Now, I don't know about you, but doesn't this
chapter seem repetitive?

357
00:22:10,390 --> 00:22:14,260
Now, there's always a reason when God is repetitive.

358
00:22:14,260 --> 00:22:18,910
He's not just being repetitive because he
just wants to make the Bible a certain length

359
00:22:18,909 --> 00:22:22,909
and he's just trying to fill space and needed
more chapters.

360
00:22:22,909 --> 00:22:29,219
If God repeats something, it means that it's
important and if God repeats something in

361
00:22:29,220 --> 00:22:33,320
a bunch of slightly different ways, and saying
it a little differently over and over again,

362
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:37,170
a little different here, a little ... It's
because he doesn't want to be misunderstood,

363
00:22:37,169 --> 00:22:42,059
so he's going over it from a bunch of different
angles, just making it really clear to make

364
00:22:42,059 --> 00:22:43,659
sure that we understand.

365
00:22:43,660 --> 00:22:46,190
If it gets a whole chapter, it must be important.

366
00:22:46,190 --> 00:22:49,710
That tells me that it's pretty important to
God whether we keep our vows.

367
00:22:49,710 --> 00:22:51,630
If you make a vow, you better keep it.

368
00:22:51,630 --> 00:22:54,640
There's a whole chapter just demanding that
you keep the vows.

369
00:22:54,640 --> 00:23:00,410
He says, if you're a father and you have a
daughter living at home or if you're a husband

370
00:23:00,410 --> 00:23:06,240
that has a wife, you have the power to either
establish or disannul your wife's vows in

371
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:09,400
the day that you hear them.

372
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:12,060
That's when you're supposed to disannul them
if you have a problem with them.

373
00:23:12,059 --> 00:23:14,819
If you do, it's all forgiven.

374
00:23:14,820 --> 00:23:17,190
You're not in sin, she's not in sin.

375
00:23:17,190 --> 00:23:21,050
The vow is as if it had never happened.

376
00:23:21,049 --> 00:23:27,469
But, if he does it later, if he waits a few
weeks or months and says, "I changed my mind,"

377
00:23:27,470 --> 00:23:32,600
now he's the one who gets punished, but the
wife or daughter is still supposed to obey

378
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:34,250
the father or husband.

379
00:23:34,250 --> 00:23:35,250
"Well, no.

380
00:23:35,250 --> 00:23:36,250
I vowed that.

381
00:23:36,250 --> 00:23:37,950
You didn't disannul it in time."

382
00:23:37,950 --> 00:23:38,950
Well, no.

383
00:23:38,950 --> 00:23:41,370
He's disannulling it, but he bears the sin.

384
00:23:41,371 --> 00:23:42,711
He bears the burden for that.

385
00:23:42,710 --> 00:23:44,650
That's what Verse Fifteen is teaching.

386
00:23:44,650 --> 00:23:48,200
Then it closes things up in Verse Sixteen
by saying: "These are the statutes which the

387
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:55,000
Lord commanded Moses between a man and his
wife, between the father and his daughter

388
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,470
being yet in her youth in her father's house."

389
00:23:57,470 --> 00:24:02,900
Now, what we see in this passage is there
possible phases of life.

390
00:24:02,900 --> 00:24:08,390
We see first of all, the daughter who is living
at home in her father's house in her youth.

391
00:24:08,390 --> 00:24:09,430
That's one phase.

392
00:24:09,430 --> 00:24:11,820
Who's the authority in that situation?

393
00:24:11,820 --> 00:24:13,600
The father.

394
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:15,860
Then we see her as a married wife.

395
00:24:15,860 --> 00:24:18,120
Who's the authority in that situation?

396
00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:19,120
Her husband.

397
00:24:19,120 --> 00:24:24,680
Then we see a 3rd possible scenario that's
brought out of a woman whose husband has died

398
00:24:24,679 --> 00:24:26,499
or divorced her.

399
00:24:26,500 --> 00:24:33,560
In that case, the Bible says, no one is going
to either establish or disannul her vows.

400
00:24:33,559 --> 00:24:38,589
If she makes a vow, it just stands because
at that point she's on her own.

401
00:24:38,590 --> 00:24:42,420
Now, the Bible does talk about a girl going
back and living in her father's house and

402
00:24:42,419 --> 00:24:48,329
being supported by her parents if her husband
dies or divorces her, but at that point, it's

403
00:24:48,331 --> 00:24:54,601
not the same structure of disannulling or
establishing vows.

404
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:56,740
That's what the Bible says in Numbers, Chapter
Thirty.

405
00:24:56,740 --> 00:24:58,970
You say, "Well, why does that matter?"

406
00:24:58,970 --> 00:25:04,270
Well, it matters because we should keep our
vows and of course one of the biggest vows

407
00:25:04,270 --> 00:25:08,940
we make in our life is when we vow to our
spouse when we get married.

408
00:25:08,940 --> 00:25:13,420
That's a vow that we're taking, but not only
that, and that's why, by the way, that's why

409
00:25:13,419 --> 00:25:19,159
we should be married publicly, to make sure
that everybody hears that vow and then you

410
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:23,030
say, "If anybody has any reason why these
two should not be joined together, speak now

411
00:25:23,029 --> 00:25:24,139
or forever hold your peace."

412
00:25:24,140 --> 00:25:30,230
Now, I'm not teaching some strange doctrine
that after people get married, dad can come

413
00:25:30,230 --> 00:25:33,100
in later and disannul, because here's the
thing.

414
00:25:33,100 --> 00:25:36,290
When you get married, it's the husband who's
the new authority.

415
00:25:36,290 --> 00:25:40,010
If he disannuls it, that's called divorcing
your wife, that's wrong.

416
00:25:40,010 --> 00:25:46,290
The Bible says, God hateth ... Listen to me,
"The Lord God of Israel hateth putting away."

417
00:25:46,290 --> 00:25:54,190
He hates divorce, that's what Malachi, Chapter
Two teaches, so don't get mixed up on that.

418
00:25:54,190 --> 00:25:58,350
Why am I teaching this is this sermon about
where our loyalties should lie?

419
00:25:58,350 --> 00:26:04,760
What I'm showing you is that after the woman
gets married, her father ceases to become

420
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:06,540
the authority in her life.

421
00:26:06,539 --> 00:26:10,509
Does everybody see that?

422
00:26:10,510 --> 00:26:14,660
Her father ceases to be the authority in her
life.

423
00:26:14,659 --> 00:26:20,319
The husband is now the authority in her life,
not the father and not only that, but even

424
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:25,410
after the husband's dead, he doesn't have
the same authority that he had before.

425
00:26:25,409 --> 00:26:31,039
That should just make it clear to you that
the husband replaces the father as the authority

426
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:32,550
figure in her life.

427
00:26:32,549 --> 00:26:33,739
Is there any doubt about that?

428
00:26:33,740 --> 00:26:36,140
It's a clear, it's an important teaching.

429
00:26:36,140 --> 00:26:38,260
You say, "Why is that important?"

430
00:26:38,260 --> 00:26:46,900
Because of the fact that one of the greatest
causes of marital strife in the world today

431
00:26:46,900 --> 00:26:48,460
is meddling in-laws.

432
00:26:48,460 --> 00:26:55,660
If you look at a list of top ten marriage
problems, probably even top five marriage

433
00:26:55,660 --> 00:26:59,010
problems, you know what's always going to
be on that list?

434
00:26:59,010 --> 00:27:00,100
In-laws.

435
00:27:00,100 --> 00:27:03,220
When you get a list of just, hey, just name
the big five.

436
00:27:03,220 --> 00:27:09,260
Talk to a pastor who deals with people or
talk to just a statistician or just talk to

437
00:27:09,260 --> 00:27:15,120
any kind of a family counselor or maybe a
judge that deals in divorces or something,

438
00:27:15,120 --> 00:27:17,260
or a lawyer that deals with divorces.

439
00:27:17,260 --> 00:27:22,320
Anybody will tell you that is one of the top
marriage problems, because what are the marriage

440
00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:23,650
problems that you're going to hear about?

441
00:27:23,649 --> 00:27:26,059
A big one is money.

442
00:27:26,059 --> 00:27:29,619
That's why it's so important what I preached
this morning about covetousness in regard

443
00:27:29,620 --> 00:27:34,360
to marriage, because money can be a big issue
in a marriage, financial problems.

444
00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:37,070
What's another big issue that people have?

445
00:27:37,070 --> 00:27:40,470
Basically in-laws is right up there toward
the top.

446
00:27:40,470 --> 00:27:44,370
That's a major ... Another thing that's always
maybe a problem, in the bedroom.

447
00:27:44,370 --> 00:27:46,990
That's another thing that's high up on the
list with people.

448
00:27:46,990 --> 00:27:47,990
What else?

449
00:27:47,990 --> 00:27:48,990
Somebody help me out.

450
00:27:48,990 --> 00:27:56,850
Adultery, obviously, is a big one, adultery,
whether it's total adultery or just flirtation,

451
00:27:56,850 --> 00:27:59,630
flirting with adultery or whatever, right?

452
00:27:59,630 --> 00:28:00,630
What else?

453
00:28:00,630 --> 00:28:01,630
Somebody help me out.

454
00:28:01,630 --> 00:28:03,490
I don't have the list in front of me.

455
00:28:03,490 --> 00:28:07,800
Drug abuse, alcohol, obviously those are things
that can be damaging to a marriage, but if

456
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:14,000
you look at a list, the in-laws are pretty
high on the list for a reason.

457
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:19,740
Money, in-laws, adultery, these are the type
of things that destroy marriages.

458
00:28:19,740 --> 00:28:23,760
Now, why are in-laws such a big issue?

459
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:28,680
Look, as a pastor, I can just tell you, people
come to me with marriage problems all the

460
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:32,360
time, and it's not usually people in our church.

461
00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:33,600
Sometimes it is, obviously.

462
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:40,720
There are people that have issues, but because
my sermons are online, basically people from

463
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:46,570
all over the country and all over the world
will sometimes contact me with marriage problems

464
00:28:46,570 --> 00:28:49,690
or just trying to get advice and what do I
do?

465
00:28:49,690 --> 00:28:55,440
Usually I try to, if I can, because I sympathize
with people in their situation, I try to direct

466
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:59,960
them to a sermon or something that I've preached
that could help, or try to direct them to

467
00:28:59,960 --> 00:29:04,080
a scripture or something, but I hear as a
pastor ... When you're a pastor, people tell

468
00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:05,650
you stuff.

469
00:29:05,650 --> 00:29:08,630
People just come to you and tell you all kinds
of stuff.

470
00:29:08,630 --> 00:29:14,540
You hear about problem after problem after
problem regarding in-laws.

471
00:29:14,539 --> 00:29:20,889
It's a major problem that people have, and
I'm constantly telling people the same advice.

472
00:29:20,890 --> 00:29:25,940
You need to put your spouse before your in-laws
and your family.

473
00:29:25,940 --> 00:29:27,670
You know what?

474
00:29:27,669 --> 00:29:32,299
Fathers of women need to be told that they're
not the boss anymore and they need to bug

475
00:29:32,299 --> 00:29:35,929
off and let the husband rule that home.

476
00:29:35,929 --> 00:29:41,439
That is what the Bible teaches and you know
what was one of the most wicked things that

477
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:46,890
is a tradition in our western culture that
you hear about all the time is this kind of

478
00:29:46,890 --> 00:29:53,510
a talk that a dad will have with this daughter,
where he basically says to her, "Now listen,

479
00:29:53,510 --> 00:29:58,000
honey, you know you can always come home to
us, don't you?"

480
00:29:58,000 --> 00:29:59,090
You know what I'm talking about.

481
00:29:59,090 --> 00:30:05,290
"You know that if it doesn't work out, or
if there's problems, you just come ... You

482
00:30:05,289 --> 00:30:10,379
always have a place here, honey, to come and
bad-mouth your husband and to come talk crap

483
00:30:10,380 --> 00:30:11,950
about your husband.

484
00:30:11,950 --> 00:30:13,060
Just come and see us.

485
00:30:13,060 --> 00:30:19,110
The door's always open, and you can always
move back in with us, honey."

486
00:30:19,110 --> 00:30:22,810
That is wicked and disgusting and you know
what?

487
00:30:22,809 --> 00:30:25,499
I will never say that to any of my daughters.

488
00:30:25,500 --> 00:30:27,040
You know what I'm going to say to my daughters?

489
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:29,440
I'm going to say, "Look, this is your husband.

490
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:34,640
I'm going to hand you off to him in that wedding,
and you belong to him now and you are to obey

491
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:40,270
him and your loyalty is to him, not me."

492
00:30:40,270 --> 00:30:41,270
That is biblical.

493
00:30:41,270 --> 00:30:45,630
That is the truth, and look, no man can serve
two masters.

494
00:30:45,630 --> 00:30:50,630
You can't sit there and have these two competing
authorities and parents who don't want to

495
00:30:50,630 --> 00:30:52,880
let go of their kids.

496
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:56,480
Now look, it's great to love your kids but
there comes a time when you have to cut the

497
00:30:56,480 --> 00:31:03,400
apron strings and when your son needs to leave
and cleave, and when your daughter needs to

498
00:31:03,399 --> 00:31:06,379
be handed off to the husband.

499
00:31:06,380 --> 00:31:07,380
You know what?

500
00:31:07,380 --> 00:31:10,910
If my ... I just want to tell this to my three
little daughters right now that are way too

501
00:31:10,909 --> 00:31:15,449
young to be even thinking about any of this,
I just want to say to my three daughters right

502
00:31:15,450 --> 00:31:20,470
now, "Don't ever come crying to me about your
husband, because I'm going to tell you to

503
00:31:20,470 --> 00:31:27,010
turn around and go submit yourself to your
husband and go obey him and submit to him

504
00:31:27,010 --> 00:31:33,470
and I don't want to hear about it."

505
00:31:33,470 --> 00:31:34,470
That's true.

506
00:31:34,470 --> 00:31:35,660
That's right.

507
00:31:35,659 --> 00:31:36,659
You know what?

508
00:31:36,659 --> 00:31:41,639
A lot of marriages would be helped, a lot
of marriages would be saved if that were the

509
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:44,150
mentality.

510
00:31:44,150 --> 00:31:50,130
If the wives would ... It's like a cliché
of the wife goes crying to mommy and crying

511
00:31:50,130 --> 00:31:51,130
to daddy.

512
00:31:51,130 --> 00:31:56,760
No, she needs to suck it up and learn how
to submit and make that marriage work and

513
00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:58,240
obey her husband.

514
00:31:58,240 --> 00:31:59,240
That's what the Bible says.

515
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:02,680
You say, "Well, oh, but what's this submit
and obey?

516
00:32:02,679 --> 00:32:03,679
What if he's a jerk?

517
00:32:03,679 --> 00:32:04,679
What if he's this?"

518
00:32:04,679 --> 00:32:07,979
Why'd you marry a jerk?

519
00:32:07,980 --> 00:32:08,980
You know what?

520
00:32:08,980 --> 00:32:13,450
My daughters aren't going to marry a jerk
because I'm going to kick his backside if

521
00:32:13,450 --> 00:32:16,390
he's a jerk - before the wedding.

522
00:32:16,390 --> 00:32:19,160
I'm not going to kick his butt after the wedding
because you know what?

523
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:22,490
It's none of my business after the wedding.

524
00:32:22,490 --> 00:32:26,710
Because she's not mine anymore, she's his
now.

525
00:32:26,710 --> 00:32:29,770
That's what the Bible teaches.

526
00:32:29,770 --> 00:32:33,390
Any butt kicking needs to happen before the
wedding, all right?

527
00:32:33,390 --> 00:32:41,320
That's the way it works, because you can't
sit there ... Look, if some guy wants to be

528
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:45,520
around my daughter that I don't want around
my daughter, he's not going to be around my

529
00:32:45,519 --> 00:32:52,409
daughter, because I'm going to be stronger
than him or I'll get a bigger stick.

530
00:32:52,410 --> 00:32:54,710
The bottom line is, you know what?

531
00:32:54,710 --> 00:32:58,420
After the wedding, people need to realize
it's over.

532
00:32:58,419 --> 00:33:00,279
You're done.

533
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:05,100
You had your chance to raise your child, and
to bring them up in the nurtured admonition

534
00:33:05,100 --> 00:33:10,820
of the Lord and to teach them and to guide
them and now you are passing that baton off

535
00:33:10,820 --> 00:33:17,340
to hopefully a godly man, hopefully a worthy
man and you have to ... You're trusting him

536
00:33:17,340 --> 00:33:19,340
now with your daughter.

537
00:33:19,340 --> 00:33:24,700
Now it's up to him and I'm just telling you
that if you have adult children who come to

538
00:33:24,700 --> 00:33:29,310
you bad-mouthing their husband and, "Oh, come
on over, sweetie, stay at our house for a

539
00:33:29,309 --> 00:33:30,309
few days.

540
00:33:30,309 --> 00:33:31,309
You need some space."

541
00:33:31,309 --> 00:33:36,469
No, you need a swift kick in the pants is
what you need, and I'm talking to you, Dad.

542
00:33:36,470 --> 00:33:38,780
I'm talking to everybody involved.

543
00:33:38,779 --> 00:33:40,859
Everybody involved needs a kick in the pants.

544
00:33:40,860 --> 00:33:50,360
Well, the women shouldn't be in pants, so
that proves I was talking about the dad.

545
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:54,980
Bottom line is that meddling in-laws are destroying
marriages today.

546
00:33:54,980 --> 00:33:55,980
It's the truth.

547
00:33:55,980 --> 00:34:01,100
It's fact, because they provide that Plan
B also, that we talked about this morning

548
00:34:01,100 --> 00:34:02,190
that shouldn't exist.

549
00:34:02,190 --> 00:34:05,230
There shouldn't be a Plan B for a man or a
woman going into it.

550
00:34:05,230 --> 00:34:10,340
They should go into it as do or die, literally.

551
00:34:10,340 --> 00:34:15,380
When in-laws get involved and they can cause
strife and friction, but not only ... That's

552
00:34:15,380 --> 00:34:18,030
kind of an extreme example.

553
00:34:18,030 --> 00:34:21,350
When the wife is going home and crying to
mom, and by the way, there was one woman who

554
00:34:21,350 --> 00:34:22,950
did that in the Bible that I can think of.

555
00:34:22,950 --> 00:34:23,950
I can only think of one.

556
00:34:23,950 --> 00:34:25,540
Does anybody remember who it was?

557
00:34:25,540 --> 00:34:28,070
It's a pretty bad story.

558
00:34:28,070 --> 00:34:30,190
It's a really bad story in the Bible.

559
00:34:30,190 --> 00:34:31,730
Does anybody remember?

560
00:34:31,730 --> 00:34:35,760
The woman who went home crying to Solomon?

561
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:36,760
What's that?

562
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:38,380
Yeah, that's true she did go home to dad,
too.

563
00:34:38,379 --> 00:34:40,149
That wasn't the one I was thinking of.

564
00:34:40,149 --> 00:34:41,149
Zipporah, okay.

565
00:34:41,149 --> 00:34:46,599
I was thinking of that woman in Judges Nineteen
that went home to dad.

566
00:34:46,599 --> 00:34:53,349
That didn't turn out so well, but anyway ... But
I'm saying that as in-laws, and I know our

567
00:34:53,349 --> 00:34:57,739
church is really young so we don't really
have a lot of people in our church that have

568
00:34:57,740 --> 00:34:59,510
adult children.

569
00:34:59,510 --> 00:35:04,390
We do have some, but most of the people in
our church are too young to have adult children.

570
00:35:04,390 --> 00:35:09,540
But you know, it's better to learn this now
than to learn it when you're already all emotional

571
00:35:09,540 --> 00:35:11,980
about it and you've already made dumb decisions.

572
00:35:11,980 --> 00:35:16,090
It's better to learn this when your child
is small and when your child is maybe a teenager

573
00:35:16,090 --> 00:35:21,570
or a little kid, that you're not going to
meddle in your children's marriage, and that

574
00:35:21,570 --> 00:35:24,980
you're going to let the husband be the boss
in that home.

575
00:35:24,980 --> 00:35:29,570
You're not going to step in, "Well, he shouldn't
be doing that, and he needs to do this, and

576
00:35:29,570 --> 00:35:34,910
you need to tell him this," and blah blah,
just usurping that authority.

577
00:35:34,910 --> 00:35:37,160
What does the Bible teach in Numbers Thirty?

578
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:39,340
Who's the boss after she gets married?

579
00:35:39,339 --> 00:35:41,029
Is Dad still the boss?

580
00:35:41,030 --> 00:35:43,630
Is he still disannulling sweetie-pie's vows?

581
00:35:43,630 --> 00:35:44,630
No.

582
00:35:44,630 --> 00:35:46,100
It's done.

583
00:35:46,099 --> 00:35:49,909
That's her husband's job now to make those
decisions and he doesn't have that right any

584
00:35:49,910 --> 00:35:51,040
longer.

585
00:35:51,040 --> 00:35:58,600
Not only that extreme example of the girl
going home to Mama and crying to Daddy and,

586
00:35:58,599 --> 00:36:02,899
"Oh, he treats me so bad."

587
00:36:02,900 --> 00:36:10,300
Not only that, but also there are just other
situations that are less obvious, where there's

588
00:36:10,300 --> 00:36:15,430
a badmouthing of your spouse going on by your
family.

589
00:36:15,430 --> 00:36:17,140
This could go both male or female.

590
00:36:17,140 --> 00:36:21,080
This could be a husband who gets around his
family and they talk bad about his wife to

591
00:36:21,079 --> 00:36:22,079
him.

592
00:36:22,079 --> 00:36:23,079
Let me tell you something.

593
00:36:23,079 --> 00:36:27,809
If my family would ever say anything bad about
my wife to me, I would immediately defend

594
00:36:27,810 --> 00:36:32,370
her and immediately take her side every time.

595
00:36:32,369 --> 00:36:37,629
I will side with my wife against you, and
I will side with my wife against family.

596
00:36:37,630 --> 00:36:40,230
I will not side with my wife against Jesus.

597
00:36:40,230 --> 00:36:45,640
That's the one that has our supreme loyalty,
but I would side with my wife against anybody

598
00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:46,640
else.

599
00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:52,250
I'm not going to throw my wife under the bus
to make family happy, and the same way goes

600
00:36:52,250 --> 00:36:53,460
for her.

601
00:36:53,460 --> 00:36:57,750
She should not tolerate people badmouthing
me unto her.

602
00:36:57,750 --> 00:36:59,730
"Well, your husband, blah, blah, blah."

603
00:36:59,730 --> 00:37:01,390
There are a lot of people who badmouth me
and her.

604
00:37:01,390 --> 00:37:03,900
I'm not saying in our family.

605
00:37:03,900 --> 00:37:08,080
I'm saying just in general, and my wife and
I, if we're going to be loyal to each other,

606
00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:11,320
we should defend each other and stand up for
each other.

607
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:17,390
If you have to choose who you're going to
burn and if you have to choose which relationship

608
00:37:17,390 --> 00:37:22,100
is going to be harmed, you should always harm
the relationship other than your spouse.

609
00:37:22,099 --> 00:37:27,739
If you have to say goodbye to a friend because
of the fact that it's coming between you and

610
00:37:27,740 --> 00:37:31,700
your spouse, you need to say goodbye to that
friend if so need be.

611
00:37:31,700 --> 00:37:36,140
If you need to stay away from your family
for awhile, stay away from relatives for awhile,

612
00:37:36,140 --> 00:37:40,650
brothers and sisters, parents, because of
a conflict that it's causing between you and

613
00:37:40,650 --> 00:37:42,760
your spouse, you need to preserve your marriage.

614
00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:50,860
I'm telling you, marriages today are an uphill
battle in our country, because of the fact

615
00:37:50,859 --> 00:37:54,839
that our culture has destroyed the institution
of marriage.

616
00:37:54,839 --> 00:37:57,249
It's hard for marriages to work anymore.

617
00:37:57,250 --> 00:38:01,540
That's why you see so much divorce and even
amongst marriages, you see a lot of unhappiness

618
00:38:01,540 --> 00:38:07,650
and strife and drama, because it's just hard
to have a godly marriage these days.

619
00:38:07,650 --> 00:38:14,000
It's important that you do everything you
can to make that job of having a good marriage

620
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:17,450
a little easier, not making it harder.

621
00:38:17,450 --> 00:38:22,240
When you allow extended family to create ... You
say, "Why are you talking about this?"

622
00:38:22,240 --> 00:38:27,220
Because tons of people have issues with this
all the time and I hear about it all the time.

623
00:38:27,220 --> 00:38:32,080
Those that are young married, newly married,
need this advice of saying, you know what?

624
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:36,810
The most important relationship is between
you and your spouse.

625
00:38:36,810 --> 00:38:42,580
If you have to ... If you need some space
from somebody, it needs to be from your parents,

626
00:38:42,580 --> 00:38:47,510
from your brothers and sisters, from friends.

627
00:38:47,510 --> 00:38:52,810
I would switch churches in a heartbeat before
I'd switch spouses.

628
00:38:52,810 --> 00:38:57,410
I mean, think about it.

629
00:38:57,410 --> 00:38:58,440
I would switch churches.

630
00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:04,170
I'm not saying go to a bad church, but I would
switch to another Independent Fundamental

631
00:39:04,170 --> 00:39:08,990
Baptist Church, I'd switch to another church
that's a Bible preaching church if it would

632
00:39:08,990 --> 00:39:14,840
improve my relationship with my wife, and
if there was a problem somehow with that church,

633
00:39:14,839 --> 00:39:15,999
because I'm telling you.

634
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:22,120
Amongst my human relationships, I believe
that my number 1 relationship is with my wife.

635
00:39:22,119 --> 00:39:29,199
I'm going to put her first, amongst human
... Not before the Lord, but before human

636
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:33,550
relationships like church friends, or even
a church in general.

637
00:39:33,550 --> 00:39:37,510
I'm not saying I would ever get out of church,
because that would be coming between me and

638
00:39:37,510 --> 00:39:38,510
the Lord.

639
00:39:38,510 --> 00:39:41,050
I'd never get out of church, but I would even
switch churches.

640
00:39:41,050 --> 00:39:45,750
I would even separate from family, separate
from friends, before I ever separated from

641
00:39:45,750 --> 00:39:50,500
my spouse or before I ever allowed that to
destroy my marriage.

642
00:39:50,500 --> 00:39:55,990
Just remember this, maybe it's not something
you're going through right now, but just remember,

643
00:39:55,990 --> 00:40:01,970
as you go through this long life, married
decades, spending all these years together,

644
00:40:01,970 --> 00:40:07,470
that when family is badmouthing your spouse,
you stick up for your spouse.

645
00:40:07,470 --> 00:40:12,190
When family is coming between you and your
spouse, you stick with your spouse, you cleave

646
00:40:12,190 --> 00:40:14,330
to your ... You leave them and you cleave
to your spouse.

647
00:40:14,329 --> 00:40:22,299
That's what the Bible says, and when you have
a situation where there's strife and friction,

648
00:40:22,300 --> 00:40:28,600
the people that need to be backed off from
are extended family or friendships, not your

649
00:40:28,599 --> 00:40:29,719
spouse.

650
00:40:29,720 --> 00:40:34,480
That should be the number one most important
relationship in your life.

651
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:41,160
On the flip-side, don't be that person who
tries to come between a husband and his wife.

652
00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:43,480
That's a wicked place to be.

653
00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:46,480
God hates those who sow discord among brethren.

654
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:51,570
How much more would God hate it if someone
were to step in and create marital strife

655
00:40:51,569 --> 00:40:57,379
and create a conflict where there was none
between husband and wife.

656
00:40:57,380 --> 00:40:59,170
This sermon's about loyalty.

657
00:40:59,170 --> 00:41:02,120
We should be loyal to the Lord.

658
00:41:02,119 --> 00:41:03,939
We should be loyal to our parents.

659
00:41:03,940 --> 00:41:05,810
We should be loyal to our friends.

660
00:41:05,810 --> 00:41:12,210
We should be loyal and faithful to brothers
and sisters and family and people, but where

661
00:41:12,210 --> 00:41:16,350
does our loyalty lie when it comes to a conflict?

662
00:41:16,349 --> 00:41:23,099
Well, it should always be the Lord first and
then secondly, stick with your spouse, and

663
00:41:23,100 --> 00:41:31,500
then thirdly after that is everybody else,
and sometimes all you can do is keep the Lord

664
00:41:31,500 --> 00:41:33,910
happy and your spouse happy.

665
00:41:33,910 --> 00:41:39,450
If you can do those two things, you've done
a lot and you just call it good.

666
00:41:39,450 --> 00:41:41,430
If you can keep some other people happy, great.

667
00:41:41,430 --> 00:41:45,780
Honestly, those are the two big ones in that
order.

668
00:41:45,780 --> 00:41:50,950
It's epidemic, the marriage problems that
are caused by people not minding their own

669
00:41:50,950 --> 00:41:59,260
business and getting involved in other people's
issues and not respecting the boundaries of

670
00:41:59,260 --> 00:42:04,970
marriage, and respecting that bond as being
the supreme bond outside of a relationship

671
00:42:04,970 --> 00:42:05,970
with the Lord.

672
00:42:05,970 --> 00:42:07,220
Let's bow our heads and have a word of prayer.

673
00:42:07,220 --> 00:42:09,870
Father we thank you so much for being faithful
to us.

674
00:42:09,870 --> 00:42:12,290
We know that you're always faithful and loyal
to us.

675
00:42:12,290 --> 00:42:14,510
You'll never leave us nor forsake us.

676
00:42:14,510 --> 00:42:20,810
Lord, help us to show you the same courtesy
and also Lord, the wife or the husband that

677
00:42:20,810 --> 00:42:25,430
has been given to us, Lord, help us to be
loyal and faithful and true and to keep that

678
00:42:25,430 --> 00:42:32,240
vow and to realize, hey, that's the most important
relationship, not friends, not extended family.

679
00:42:32,240 --> 00:42:36,050
We love our parents, we love our children,
but it's our spouse that should take number

680
00:42:36,050 --> 00:42:38,120
one place, Lord.

681
00:42:38,119 --> 00:42:39,559
Help us to be loyal to our friends.

682
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:43,830
Help us be loyal to everyone Lord, as much
as possible, but help us never to get these

683
00:42:43,829 --> 00:42:51,219
priorities out of whack, start choosing friends
over you, Lord, or choosing family over you,

684
00:42:51,220 --> 00:42:55,470
or choosing to side with our parents against
our spouse, or whatever, Lord.

685
00:42:55,470 --> 00:42:56,940
Help that to never take place.

686
00:42:56,940 --> 00:42:57,940
In Jesus' name we pray.

687
00:42:57,940 --> 00:42:57,941
Amen.