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sinktoswim hopefully it will be
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ugh back to 0 dollar fill ups at the pump
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yeah i know it s pretty weird but i ve been experiencing this one since last night i had trouble breathing but the right side seems fine felt like the left side wa the culprit had a tough time drifting to sleep
depressed
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i dont bother doing anything all day and im failing college yet im still tired and im constantly thinking about suicide
depressed
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i really struggle with depression and increadibly miserable thought about myself and what i do i also struggle with realising what i like or enjoy doing wearing watching etc in a few word i struggle with knowing my interest i feel no emotion for life at all i just see myself doing everyday stuff i need to survive a a human being do you have any suggestion on how i can help myself on speaking much better about myself and what i like sth to enjoy and be interested in like should i tell myself repetitively for instance i enjoy dancing rather than i just do it because i have to because some people say i do it beautifully but i m not sure about it or i don t feel good about it should i write down everyday sth like for instance i write well i read well i like writing i enjoy writing instead of i just write beacuse is needed at work because i have to people use to say i speak well in front of people but i just do it i don t feel anything it s known that depression steal u the joy of life and everyday existance it steal our curiosity in everything i leave everything because i feel no interest on it i just want to feel engaged in sth i m exhausted of not feeling anything good but i have no money for therapy atm can you help me thanks is advance
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just got back from picking up my parent goodbye house to myself
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i m all snuffly and then hot and cold tired and bunged up woe is me
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aaaaand back to my literature review at least i have a friendly cup of coffee to keep me company
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caitlinaudrey awww that suck are you going to the sydney one
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im fucking drunk at 9am even if im fucking with my life still ahead of me i don t wan na do this anymore i dont even have a house anymore i have nobodt y fck i cant even type noboidy i just want to end thing but im too scared to even kill myself hpw do i do it without failing i often imagine others doing it for me can someone help me do it where can i go to do it i think it will irresponsib e for me to just jump into traffic a i don t want others to suffer i just want to go quietly are there any service like that why is it so hard to log out of this life anybody wan na kill me no string attached we are the breath
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i m alone m i feel like ending it all i just want a girlfriend but i always get rejected i don t want sex or nude i want someone who i can care for and someone who can care for me
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a serait cool si notre soci t s int ressait beaucoup plus sur la psychologie ex le cause de malady mentales d pression trouble bipolaires ect l anatomie du corp humain ex le diff rences du d veloppement sexuelle http t co b tvixyi d
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tried to get up earlier today didn t work out
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watching who framed roger rabbit make me miss toon town
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no travoradio this morning blipfm is down
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alessandrod dude hope you guy are alright except the home car
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the negative emotion and thought neat study is recruiting adult age in canada and the u to participate in an online survey examining how people experience and manage negative thought and feeling including suicidal thought and emotion dysregulation eligible participant will be able to enter a gift card draw to complete the online survey see if you re eligible please click here http uwo eu qualtrics com jfe form sv lrjdolhgxajdcg http uwo eu qualtrics com jfe form sv lrjdolhgxajdcg thanks so much for giving u a chance to share our research study feel free to contact u if you have any question or concern
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it s true i truly love jessicabardot she wa there for me during a dark time and i appreciate her so much for being there during my depression one of the most loveliest lady http t co tjstwmyr v
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a year ago today i moved to a new city the city of opportunity growth and everything nice but i also learned this is the city of demise since i ve moved here itit s been hard to adapt to the culture the environment and pretty much anything else the store were different everyone talked differently people dressed differently and everyone had money so i thought i realized that my salary wa not enough to fund the normal lifestyle that i managed to survive off for year post undergrad in my home town and a new lifestyle i wa living paycheck to paycheck borrowing money getting loan and using credit to make end meet this made me depressed because it wa at the pandemic s peak and i spent 90 of my time inside with my thought i became more and more depressed and didn t know what to do i had suicidal thought but i tried to push through here s where thing take a turn i got a gig i earned more from my gig than my take home pay so my life wa sweet i wasn t depressed this lasted for six month then my health took a turn i couldn t keep up with life anymore i wa physically ill and had to let the gig go now i m here no gig and leaving the full time job so now i m in a new city no income following for a few week and ready to end it all i ve always thought money doesn t buy you happiness though they re right my journey prof that money can contribute to happiness doe money make you happy
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we re here to help we are online therapy platform which essentially connects certified psychologist and people suffering from mental health issue such a depression stress and anxiety among dozen of other clinically defined disorder book your appointment now http t co pz vurvh0
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depression ke
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honestly im tired of everything especially myself im not good for anyone and been blocked by a friend who told me i wa toxic and manipulative im stupid and worthless why do i even deserve to live i wish there is a fast way to kill myself and end this peacefully
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why do i feel worthless
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wtf are we doing here
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been with o for month now in need of phone upgrade iphone come to 00 over contract life need smartphone with cheapo talk plan
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i know my problem arent a bad and probably much le important and im probably dramatic for feeling this way but please
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not good munchkinster is not feeling well
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my boyfriend mean the world to me but he just doesn t seem to see it muchless understand
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lost my free copy of radioactive so can t put it on my ipod grr and i can t go out buy nother coz it came with that paper
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currently struggling to deal with headache dizzy chest pain shortness of breath cough sore throat soon depression
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edict just been announced no social networking using the office system ok tweet this then evening chap
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danielhcwong taylor ce gt amp amp sweet mother of amp amp amp my livie is only 900
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iphoneincanada no wait their 0 cheaper package ha 0 more voice minute it s cheaper and substantially better messsedd upppp
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nightwyrm no not yet
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theekween depression and anxiety thelmasherbs
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everything is still broken
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even though i m sure they re slowly inching away whether or not it s my fault i just want a partner a best friend something to make me feel like a first choice instead of a second or third option i m just tired
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so this may be odd but ha anyone s sense of smell been really weird while on buspar maybe it s unrelated but i just get random smell sometimes and feel like my spence of smell is heightened
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melamachinko now i feel bad for unfollowing
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thastevieg but what i really want is my old bass back
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i already failed out of college once but i thought i might try again at a community college well i m about to fail out of this too and for some reason nothing in me care a a child i always kind of assumed my life would be in a great place at how na ve since i ve been miserable for a long a i can remember why would life magically get any easier i just recently pieced together that my earliest memory which i never really allowed myself to understand wa my narcissistic mother attempting to drown me when i wa about year old no wonder i m so fucked up i ve been planning on killing myself before my rd birthday for the past month or so i suppose she ll get what she wanted all along
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have to update my picture co i look old and fat oh i am old and fat playing badminton is not working on weight
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i used to be someone who wa down with depression for a long time but this doesn t feel like it i wa working 0 hr since the beginning of this year due to my yearly busy season and i m suddenly asked to work jus 0hrs and honestly i feel so lost sometimes the anxiety is crippling like the smallest and most insignificant thing is anxiety inducing but other time i jus feel empty inside it s been a while i have talked to my friend and the only ppl i talk to are friend who keep reaching out despite me not texting them back it s not that i don t want to i jus don t have the energy i don t have the energy to get out of bed and i survived on one meal during a weekend i haven t listened to music or i do the thing i enjoy the most i jus don t know wat make me happy anymore and this is so not me i want to get back to the happier me sorry for the long rant but i can t go out and tell ppl that i miss work is there a diagnosis for this or is there anything that ha personally helped you to get out of this
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if you ever read my post on my profile you know that i have an obsession about being a cheater i ll worry and worry etc i read something very triggering on reddit and i decided that i don t want to be on earth knowing that i did that to someone or if i did
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still doing my homework
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even after year i still feel the hole that she made i m trying so hard but nothing work
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robluketic love the french i tell people here in the south i m qtr french and they snarl at me french are beautiful people
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idk who s going to read this but it doesn t matter i m only writing this for myself i always had friend growing up i wasn t the most popular kid but i had my small group recently some drama happened and i m no longer in the group i wa wronged and i will play the victim because i am i don t have any friend now i haven t got a few year i fell into a terrible life style the only thing i do with my life is go to college work then rot in my bed consuming medium it took a while but it hit me during one of my break away from school and work i realized that i have nothing making me happy i wake up and go on my phone watching random shit all day in my bed at night i m afraid to sleep so i just consume medium until i can t stay awake any longer i recently started think about what make me happy nothing i have no interest to pursue no friend to talk to no life to live i ve seen everywhere that in order to find yourself you should start a hobby based on your interest that s bullshit coming from people that don t have these problem i don t have interest no hobby appeal to me saying find a hobby that interest you is like me telling you to start a hobby that you don t like i don t like anything anymore i don t know who i am and i don t know how to find myself being betrayed by the people closest to you is a blessing and a curse i know they weren t real but i also know loneliness i can t crawl out of this state because i ve got nothing i want to do how do i become curious how do i start to desire thing again i m so lost i don t even know if i have depression or something all i know is i m constantly hurt unless i m consuming medium being idle just hurt i don t know where else to say this
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reeked of alcohol at the dentist this morning wa drunk when i put on my tshirt realised it had a huge stain dentist looked disgusted
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theekween it help with depression anxiety heartbreak and loss of a loved one thelmasherbs
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i am currently a senior at a prestigious college i worked really hard in high school to get there living a a lower middle class kid going to a high school that provided terrible education i never needed a pill or therapy or anything until my first breakup and my first year of college something shifted immediately suddenly i wa depressed i didn t have any plan for the future and i still don t over the year i used validation from sex with men social status and a crippling shopping addiction to deal and it ha been in and out but always there i started going on medication in college i am currently on anti depressant and vyvanse a i can no longer find any energy to do a single thing if i don t take it i hate it it make me even more miserable and my mood swing worse but hey at least i can get out of bed seeing my friend have the energy to go out on weekend them getting prestigious job being put together and looking at myself who ha no job lined up my partner is amazing but doesn t love me and i am in a shit ton of financial debt from personal debt like credit card to school loan i really lost any drive i had i ve been unhappy the whole time i ve been here for the past year it is absolutely fucking exhausting living like this my brain is always caught in negative thought loop i am so stressed that my neck and upper back are in pain i use kratom and other anxiety relief to cope my mood swing are horrible and even just fucking talking myself down every single day is so tiring i can t do this anymore i hate myself so much i hate my life i hate my diseased brain nothing help i m not even a good person a lot of the time knowing that i have to deal with this mental illness while working my entire life is too much to bear sometimes i am so angry i hit my head against the wall and hit myself with my hand i have so much anger and rage inside of me that never go away i don t even feel capable of learning anymore i am convinced my brain can no longer retain information and that i m just fucking stupid and worthless i want to die i really really can t take it much longer
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last day in my nice little office dont wan na move
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because you have depression love http t co cnbln ppkj
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gfalcone 0 nawww fly me to london australia is boring
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recently i just keeping feeling the void in my body and mind it s burning myself slowly i no longer have desire to anything or anyone like life itself ha lost it meaning to me i m angry a well been trying really hard to hide my emotion so i can continue my daily life a a person i m not cry for help but my situation is worse than i described i m thinking of ending thing hope that can make ppl happy thanks for reading my petty litter word have a good day folk
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the majority of society mix up depression with feeling sorrow or immense grief however we must understand that the sense of sadness is completely different from a mental illness rooted in depression http t co bfshs dmnc
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m since covid started i haven t really been out at all and now i got my first date ever which i ve been tryna put off by excuse and now it s either i go or just loose out on the opportunity to go i ve got health anxiety and a bit of social anxiety i feel like i m not ready but i really don t want to loose the opportunity to take her out on a date i don t know what to do and i m just stressed out i m planning a easy date like bubble tea and a walk in the park probs see the sunset but i m still stressed out lol
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i m at a very weird place in my life right now i m a year old male in college i m failing my college class a i have no motivation to do well in them i have a very poor relationship with my parent and family the one organization in my college that i m extremely involved with ha cut tie with me over accusation that are not true i have a leadership role in this organization and being a leader in the organization with no prior experience ha brought me a ton of hater and people that just want to see my downfall i literally have no future a i m supposed to graduate this semester and get a job but i am nowhere near both i can t pursue my real passion and to top it all of and what really might put me over the edge is problem with this woman in my life we met through this organization that i wa talking about earlier in this text a a captain i have my own committee of people that i oversee and she wa one of my committee member the first time we hung out in october she took me out to a bar after i turned it wa just me and her we quickly started to develop this really cool friendship where d we hangout and talk almost daily a a young man hopeless in love i started to develop feeling but nothing crazy because i almost always saw her a a best friend first and i m sure she felt the same way then we were at a bar about a month ago she wa talking to some guy at the bar and i wa having a funny conversation with my friend but i could see from the corner of my eye that she wa talking to this man and that s when i first started feeling these feeling of jealousy but i could tell she wa looking at me too talking to my friend and she came to me and we embraced and i hugged her almost all night had my arm around her and everything and she had her hand over mine too and we just kept feeling each other this wa the first time we ever moved into this phase of our friendship and i think we both felt something brewing in our heart for one another a few day went by and i wa out yet again talking to this other chick i met at the bar and we ended up almost hooking up back at my place but i couldn t go through with it because all i could think about wa my best friend who i really liked i m an introvert at heart and will always keep my feeling inside because i m scared to tell people how i feel and i suppress those feeling but literally the next day after this hookup that didn t happen i wa at a friend s st birthday party and got hammered myself and i had this urge of wanting to tell my best friend how i truly felt about her and that s exactly what i did it wa a thursday night she always go to this one specific club on thursday night so i ditched my friend and went to that club to see her and it literally played out like a romantic film she wa the first person i saw when i walked in and went up to her and for the first time in my life i poured my heart out to her and told her how i felt about her and how she make me feel and at first she wa shocked and then she said she felt the same way and we kissed for a long time at this moment i wa on cloud 9 i had never had a girlfriend before had never been in a relationship before but in this moment it wa just me and her against the world and i loved it we started to head back to my apartment but the alcohol wa kicking in for me and i passed out once i got back to my apartment i woke up the next day and saw her heel on the floor but she wa nowhere to be found so i texted her and told her that i wa sorry for passing out from the alcohol but i meant every word i told her last night she didn t text me back till later that day and she said that she wa thinking about it all day and night and she didn t want to fuck up our friendship a it s one of the few good thing in her life right now and i totally get that wa i disappointed hearing this yeah of course i wa but i texted her back saying that we can talk about this in person another time but for right now enjoy your weekend the next day we saw each other at a party and i talked to her outside and told her that i d rather say we tried to make it work and it didn t rather than not giving u a chance at all and she never gave me a clear answer she texted me later that night saying that she needed a break and some time to think so i said okay a few day later we had our last committee meeting and it wa so awkward cause we hadn t talked before and we were on this so called break and after the meeting ended she immediately left even though she usually wait for me i got a text from her later that night around am saying that this letter i wrote for everyone on my committee wa very sweet and cute and i asked her how long this break should last and she said she wasn t sure a she didn t want me to think that she wa leading me on which i thought she wa doing so we hopped on this facetime call and had a really nice long conversation about all the stuff we had to catch up on and then after an hour i switched the topic back to our relationship and she basically said that she didn t feel the same way i wa so hurt when she said this because all the sign pointed to her liking me too and i really felt like i knew what her heart wa saying we both went to sleep cry that night for each other the next day i sent her a text this time saying that i do need some space to figure thing out and we can talk after spring break so for the next week we didn t talk she didn t view my story like any of my social medium post and just simply didn t communicate with each other and it wa one of the worst thing for me to go through a she wa someone i really looked forward to talking to and to not be able to do that just sucked the sunday before we came back to college i texted her and asked if she d be down to hangout that first week we got back and she said she wa down to do so and i wa so happy because it felt like i wa getting my friend back again but then a few day later she angrily text me asking if i told anyone that we hooked up which isn t true and i told her that i didn t which is true there were rumor going around about u from people that saw u hangout a lot that saw u embrace at the bar that saw u kiss at the club and saw u walk back to my apartment together so people could only assume that we were a thing and i kept telling her that but she wasn t having it she facetimed me saying that she regretted ever kissing me she didn t want to be friend anymore and all this shit i wa extremely hurt hearing this and just wanted my friend back and wanted to forget ever opening up my feeling for her so i sent her a really long text explaining that i never said anything that i really cared about her and just wanted my best friend back she responded by saying that she appreciated me reaching out and that she wa over the situation and that she s not ready to move forward with me and doesn t think our friendship will ever be the same so i texted her this morning and i said i get it and if there wa any way we could meet in person and just talk she responded back by saying that she s potentially open to it but not now maybe next week so i said i just genuinely need someone to talk to but i understand her the last text she sent me wa i don t think i can be that person for you anymore i m sorry i am heartbroken devastated and hopeless angry at myself angry at this world and i just want to leave i have no direction in life no one to turn to anymore and i just want to end it all a soon a possible
depressed
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julisa a seokjeng0 yes i needed them so much and when i wa at my worst that s when i saw them and i wa in total depression and i only wanted to kill myself but i can say that he really saved me with their music and their joy of living http t co tw g9ylqdh
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i m waiting for a parcel and it s just not arriving argh hurry up hurry up
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i m not depressed or in depression i think there is a lot to live for in life actually but lately i ve been having thought of suicide it s not every hour of every day but something will happen and i ll just casually think to myself what the hell f ck this and fast forward to when i m dead i have every reason to live i have a roof over my head food on the table and a small circle of friend a job so i m not planning on taking the plunge anytime soon but i just can t help but think after an event or something that ha happened to me involving me that maybe i should what if a opposed to when amp x 00b i m perfectly in sound mind body and health but what could this mean
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ha to wait a week to find out if her writing is any good sux
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i would like to know if anyone ha experienced the same thing a me or at least close to it and how ha he coped or even solved it to get you up to speed last summer i had to go meet my long distance girlfriend and thats when it all started a week prior to her coming to see me i wa gagging when eating and generally feeling sick because i wa afraid worried of meeting her which wa not normal of me but it happend during that period i did not think any of it a i thought it would stop happening after i meet her and leave again but it stayed i have it when i am going to school and when i eat from the time i leave my house and reach the school i gag all the way but when i step my foot there it stop when i eat after i finish i will start gagging and fight with my self not to puke january of this year came and i had almost removed it from my daily life maybe because i got used to the thing i wa doing so they did not give me anxiety but when i have to do something out of the ordinary it get me for example when i went to a car meet week ago the day where the car meet wa hosted i wa feeling a bit sick and right before i left my house i puked out of anxiety i dont know how to remove it completely from my life all i want it to just live freely with out having to worry if my gagging anxiety will kick in if someone can help me or give me a tip i would gladly appreciate it
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fell asleep really didn t mean too christina
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really now time for sleep dreaming of my city more tattoo and other great thing waking up to early morning sociology
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i wa texting my friend about something going on in life i wrote a fucking paragraph about it and how s it making me feel and what not and i got word back i m here for you the thing is i said i don t even think there s a point and she said whatever i can t help just go away i ficking hate people when they need me im always there but when i need them i m just a fucking burden but whatever i m a fucking idiot every time i need someone they are not here for me but anytime someone need me i am wtf did i do
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dropped car off to get exhaust replaced that s 0 i could do without spending
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let me start by saying i am in the same boat a all of you i wish i could help you all but i can t sadly about me when i wa 9 something clicked and i started to view the world a a negative place the realization of not being able to form genuine friendship my friend dying and my father not really being there for u this sent me into a depression which i am still in today i won t lie i think about suicide quite often but i control myself by distracting myself with other activity instead of letting the thought get to me all they are are thought and they have become a coping mechanism i have gone through a few therapist and psychiatrist too although i stopped my ssri and adhd med when i wa i then became quite angry knowing there is no escape the day blended together day after day rotting away i became angry with myself and others and became very angry at others and closed minded in no way am i telling you to do anything i wa in a funk this winter and a friend of mine happened to have a gel tab of lsd and i asked to buy it later that night i took it and hopped on discord with a good friend of mine who also ha some of the same stuff going on a me and ha done mushroom so we relate well it wa unexplained the most beautiful feeling i have ever felt to explain it for someone who hasn t done psychedelics it the feeling that you are part of a bigger picture and that every moment ha lead up to this you are loved i am you and you are me i am still having a hard time putting it into word i laughed the hardest i had ever laughed and then realized what life is and started to get in my feeling and cry i cried for a while and hard too and then i thought the situation wa funny and started laughing again because i know wherever i end up i will make it and that life is such a beautiful thing not to be wasted or taken for granted i then went on to trip more time on lsd and twice on mushroom i am not saying go do psychedelics but for me they have done more than ssri ever did for me in the course of a night the feeling of having a clear place in the universe and being able to question with such a reduced sense of fear is amazing the feeling of going with the flow and seeing where life take you is a liberating feeling we were put here to love one another not kill ourselves and waste potential here are my final thought do your research before doing any psychedelic because if you take ssri it could mess you up real bad also i truly believe psychedelics are the way of the way of the future i still have depression yet it is a lot easier to cope with and feel a sense of calmness instead of absolute terror about whatever you are facing know that whatever is bringing you down i love you and the universe doe too you were put here to serve a a part of a much bigger picture just a small piece of a puzzle learn to love yourselves and others and peace will come to you in all aspect of life
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oinker aida i agree
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it s raining outside look like snow but it s raining
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would anyone like to chat or maybe even voice chat i m just feeling like a total mess at the moment
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i m a m recently diagnosed with autism and adhd i have a long struggled with mental health i have attempted suicide a numerous amount of time been addicted to drug several time and i have given up completely my mum ha cancer and is going into surgery next week to have half of her lung removed my youngest brother ha non verbal autism and i think about what he might be like if he wasn t autistic and all the thing i would ve done with him one of my brother died six hour after he wa born from heart failure and the only memory i have of him is having my photo taken beside his corpse dressed in pjamas before he wa buried a a result i constantly breakdown whenever i remember or see anything from my childhood i wa bullied by my only friend group when i wa because i wa anxious about talking to my crush at the time and it got to the point where they made me extremely suicidal i wa then in an abusive relationship during the pandemic where i wa constantly gaslighted verbally abused emotionally abused insulted threatened with suicide and self harm a a result my severe anxiety and depression ha been increased to a point where i can t even go into school from how overwhelming it is i haven t been in since early february and i m on different medication for my mental health adhd and sleeping problem my life is so fucking miserable and i hate myself my inability to do anything and how i look i just want to completely tear my body apart from how disgusted i am being in my own body and i just want to kill myself more than anything a i know nothing will improve in my life and i will always forever be like this just getting worse and going down a further spiral
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everyone say talk to u we re here but when i tell them i want to order off of uber eats and leave my door open so when the delivery guy come he ll find me hanging and that way my family and friend won t have to find my rotting corpse day later they re like what the fuck i don t know if i ll do it but i feel like buying a rope practice tying a noose and planning it out i don t know if it s dangerous to do this because i ll finally have everything i need to actually kill myself or maybe doing it will actually make me chicken out and want to stay around a little bit longer also i don t want to leave my family saddled with my death so i sometimes think about crashing my car on the highway so it look like an accident and my insurance pay them out i want to be able to tell people that this is what i m thinking but when i even begin to let them in it s terrifying for them they want to tell my best friend or my mom or my doctor but nobody is actually there to just listen and not react so i m stuck with these thought on my own
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ojiaku9 make i save myself from depression first
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aww man yet another party last night i miss new jersey so anyone up to anything today
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so the other day i wa playing a game and chatting on the phone with a friend let s call her bri and i have a friend staying with me this month let s call her anna so i told anna that i would be on the phone and she nodded and then later on i got on my call anna felt like this wa the perfect time to call all her friend and be super super loud on the phone with them i m letting anna stay with me a a courtesy because they didn t have a place in town to stay while they worked once i got off the phone with bri anna felt like using her inside voice finally and then basically ended her call around then too anna ha been freeloading and doesn t pay me any rent like she said she would and i think it s incredibly rude of her to act this way the one time in the past month that i had a phone call the thing i m anxious about is that me and bri were talking about some deep stuff on the phone and then we d hear anna in the background being super loud and i m anxious about whether bri is mad at me but i live in a studio so there s no privacy from anna i feel like i should apologize to bri and let her know that my earphone were in the whole time so she know that anna didn t hear any of it since it wa really personal stuff we were talking about while anna took her phone call there s a lot of other thing anna had done while freeloading that upset me but that s for another time since i actually started taking anti anxiety med because of the anxiety anna cause me and the med don t help a much a i wish they would
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so i prepared everything to just end it all cause i no longer see a future for myself i literally lost all meaning in my life and i just have no idea why i live anymore everything just feel empty and i just want it to end i guess but idk why i m even writing this i guess i might want to be helped but it just feel so empty my family doesn t even have an idea that i sh i just want someone to notice to care please
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seaf 009 i am strongly considering improvising i missed last year i wa so sick
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just microwaved a kashi chicken and spinach thing and put in the milk dvd anyone seen it i bet it s good i still havent seen slumdog
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no body ever reply to me
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i guess i m on here to get some thing off my chest maybe even get some advice i really just want someone to relate to what i m going through if you took the the time to read this thank you a little background i m 0 australian cisgender male i ve lived in the foster care system which come with a lot of different issue i couldn t possibly get into i work for the government i can t say what i do here i do some dangerous work that led to being assaulted in early january i ve since been on work cover for my mental health acute stress disorder every day get harder i wake up and i can t get out of bed i sleep horrible hour i smoke almost a pack a day and i play video game non stop i feel like an exposed nerve some day every interaction with another human make me nervous and the day i leave the house are becoming fewer when i moved to my current town i didn t really have friend i ve always struggled with social interaction i joined a dnd group at a local hobby store in the hope of making some friend they were all relatively younger than me all in their 0 i gave it a go nonetheless several session in they ve asked me not to come back i didn t see it coming tbh it disappoints me because the reason why wa unclear i had thought we were friend dnd wa the general highlight of my week it s not exactly a productive past time and most people probably think it s stupid or nerdy tbh it absolutely is but i felt accepted and it wa a group who s social behaviour didn t revolve around drug and alcohol i m trying so hard not to internalise it and just accept that maybe i just didn t mesh with the group in addition to this my problem are piling up my car is completely useless my back is causing issue and i m gaining so much weight right now everything feel exhausting my lifestyle is so toxic right now and i know something need to change i just don t know what to do i feel so overwhelmed with life the best advice i can find is to grow up take responsibility for my life but it rarely seems that simple i feel like i have nothing left
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commit suicide or selfharm
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i hate it when i m having depression day and then something i wrote get published like i m sad but also happy but also guilty for being sad brain bitch what do u want
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he s high energy and strong willed he s only he mind and respect me but sometimes his persistence becomes too overwhelming to handle he will argue his point like a lawyer with every simple task or question i ask him and it s exhausting he sends me into an anxiety attack on occasion such a yesterday how do i keep my cool i want him to keep being himself questioning thing sticking up for himself etc but sometimes just a simple yes mom would be so relieving to hear
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am insomnia is a bitch
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i used to enjoy posting and just interacting with people but now i can t bring myself to open it up it s just awful seeing post and post of people just living while i m just existing stagnant it all feel so counterfeit
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i feel like i ve got no energy left to give or to keep up appearance like even responding to folk when they ask simple question feel like lifting a 00lb weight i m exhausted and can t handle the thought of any kind of interaction i m so lonely but so utterly worn out from being anxious to manage the effort can anyone relate
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i m so sorry fernanda today i took different pill i don t know if it ll hit me in a few hour or when i close my eye and go to sleep maybe i ll survive i took what i have in the medication cabinet and today might be the day i give up fernanda my beloved i m so sorry i m dragging myself and my system to death some shout in my head saying they don t want to die that there ha to be another way but they aren t the host they can sit in the innerworld without a care but i live most of my life fronting my head hurt a i type this and i feel strangely calm with my heart slowing down to a normal pace something i wasn t used to anymore due to my sickness fernanda my love even if you don t read this i love you so much i mean everything i said in that message you make me the happiest man in the world and your support to be by my side made me feel a if i can continue just a tiny bit but i m so tired i can t continue studying and i can t do my passion you make everything so worth it i want you to live life with your fullest energy thank you for shining a light in my life i love you
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so i have finally come to realize that i have had this fantasy that i have a family that care my mother ha her own issue bi polar my mom life partner just doesn t care and tell me to get over it my sperm donor of a bio dad remarried and ha his own family now and is ecstatic about his grand kid i feel like i wa the throw away tossed out with the garbage when it come to my parent it ha taken me 0 year to come to this conclusion why did it take me so long when my sister said f ck you when she wa hope is the only thing i can come up with to answer that question they say blood is thicker than water when it come to family i now disagree i have finally come to the conclusion that my parent can kick rock if they fell off of a cliff i would watch them fall some would say that is a heartless thing to say about your parent but i am done done placing myself in a situation that allows my heart to be trampled by one that claim to love me or one i would think should care all of these thought and outcome in life have lead me to being suicidal and depressed i am now working hard to manage my thought of suicide and depression first thing is to get my finance in check pay down my debt so i can become financially free to do what i want with my money second and really while i am working on my finance lose some weight and get my physical health back on track it is time for me to start living this life i have been gifted with and see were it take me all i ask of you is your support and prayer if interested check my profile from time to time a i make journal entry posting them to my personal profile god bless i love you all
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it never get easier no matter how many year i wait it s not getting better i never learn to cope properly i don t even feel the slightest bit more okay or hopeful even after three year of therapy i am so fucking miserable every single day everything is so exhausting and i dread the fact that i have to wake up tomorrow and do something i just want to be left alone i can t deal with all of this i already shut down because of the smallest thing i have depressive episode every single day after work i don t want to live a a human being i hate this stupid world and everything in it i don t want it i never wanted to live in the first place i m so angry that i am forced to just exist because otherwise i d make people feel sad the joy i might feel for a few second once in a while doesn t make up for how much pain i go through daily none of this is fucking worth it and everyone who say it is is either lying to themselves or incredibly stupid
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i get so confused sometimes i don t know whats real why i m being so dramatic if i can ever actually do this
depressed
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it really annoys me when i m on msn on my 0 late at night watching a dvd and i fall asleep inadvertently damn it lukey
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this is what my main problem boil down to i feel like i live my life inside my head always checking in on how i feel and if i m okay is my vision blurry am i dizzy is my hand numb etc etc i also think i have pppd so the unsteadiness and swaying rocking sensation affect me and freak me out the most if i wa free of this hyper awareness hyper vigilance element i really believe i d be fine but right now it really run my life ha anyone found way to reduce this or even get rid of it completely
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so i went to the hospital yesterday after having an anxiety attack and i still do have anxiety a i m typing this i wa just wondering if the level rise in the blood during stress my wbc count wa at 0 and my neutrophil count wa at 9 i wa just wondering if anxiety and stress brings them up i also deal with costochondritis so you can see why i have anxiety because my chest is always tight
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tabuteaus come off it clearly not clinical depression if he s attributing it to playing under mourinho take a toll yeah but stop throwing around the word depression
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still doing homework
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amazon u top 000 reviewer compelling crime fiction this is very different unique kind of crime fiction several topic are explored mental illness depression feeling of rage a the book continues the suspense build http t co wr 9sjtg j http t co en0qpdxf9j
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day have passed since i last posted nothing ha improved my friend just hang with me for my stuff my family see me a a liability and useless it s midnight again and i wish i wa dead
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i want ffxii really bad i never got a chance to play it
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i m afraid i had bad code
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