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So the first week of school has begun and I am not ready at all! I already feel like I am loosing my mind. Which is not a good way to start off the school year. I am taking some interesting classes though with what seem like some pretty cool professors. First, I am taking CMS 306M, which is a speech class, and that doesn't seem like it will be too hard. Then I am taking ECO 304K with an amazing professor. I am very excited about this class but I have heard that it is a little difficult so I will definatly have to pay attention and study. I am also taking a geography class about weather and climate and my professor is Troy Kimmel-the weather man! So I am excited about that because he seems like a fun person! I am also taking EDP369K which is a community service class. We have to do community service every week for at least 4 hours. I think the professor sets us up with backgrounds that are unfamiliar to us and then we go to this business/place and get to experience those things that we normally wouldn't. This class should be interesting. I think it will really give a good perspective of what other people have to go through and it will help me not be so selfish. This class is just something I need to take. Finally, I am taking your PSY class which I am very excited about as well! Pennebaker seems very laid back and cool. With the music at the beginning of each class, etc. I don't know, I think I might surprise myself and acctually enjoy physcology (however that is spelled). I really need to catch up on my reading sometime soon. I am a sophomore so I am not as scared as I was last year. Last year I was very intimidated so I studied all the time and read every assignment that was passed my way-and in return I ended up with a 3. 888 (which my parents are enthused about!) But this year I am not as intimidated, so that could either be a good thing or a bad thing. I just really need to get out of the summer mode where I go out every night and do nothing but work and party. I need to calm down and study/read a bit more than I am now. I think I will be okay though because school has only been in session for a few days. So hopefully Ill get my act together soon. Anyway, on a lighter note tonight was our first Chapter Meeting. That's right, I am in a sorority-Alpha Chi Omega-and I love it! We just went through RUSH where we got all of our new members and they are absolutly amazing. My little Alpha Sis is the sweetest most cool girl ever! She knows how to control her school work but she also knows how to have a good time! I just love her. Next week we get our Chi Sis' and then a few weeks after that we get our Omega Sis' then at the end of that we get to chooose our Lil' Sis'-which will be ours for the rest of our college years. So this semester should be very exciting! This year I am living in the AXO house with my pledge class of '03 and I wasn't so sure about it last year but I really love it! I am getting to know my Pledge Class SO much better which really brings us closer and actually gives me the pride of calling them my sisters-however corny that may sound! Haha. Anywho, we have a date dash on Thursday and I am not sure which boy to take! haha. I always seem to have boy problems. But o well, that's all part of being a college student (I guess). Anywho, there is this one boy who is a Sigma Chi and is halarious and so much fun to be around. And really cute but then there is a Wrangler whos name is Matt who I kind of talked to last semester. He use to be our house boy and we even went on a date earlier before school started. Well even though he may be good to look at he really doesn't have much of a personality! Which really sucks. I think he's just really shy or something but he always mumbles and doesn't have a whole lotta interesting things to say. I mean, don't get me wrong he is a super sweet guy and I tottally trust him. And he's 21 (haha). But I can't help it if I am not attracted to someone. I mean in reality personality is everything even if this guy is amazing to look at. But in a way I feel like I owe it to him to invite him to our date dash. But then again I don't want to lead him on and then "break" his heart. Because that's just cruel! Okay, then there is another guy who reminds me of my ex-boyfriend (but in a good way). He is super cute and very interesting. I think I could hold several very interesting/intelligent conversations with him. I think he could teach me a lot about life in general. Anywho, my sweetmate introduced me to him and she really wants me to take him to this Date Dash and I would LOVe to go with him but I feel like I owe it to these other guys, that I have been spending more time with. So right now I am a very confussed person-and considering it is Monday night I kind of need to make up my mind really fast. Okay, so there's the Sigma Chi-names Forest-who is one of those guys that is supper fun but not long-term quality. Then there's Matt-the Wrangler-who is so nice but I would feel quilty leading him on by inviting him. Then there is Ryan who is someone I look very much foward to getting to know better. So we shall see how things go. I know everything happens for a reason so I will just follow my heart now and either way things will work themselves out! Right?? Well, I have now been typing non-stop for 18 minutes. I guess I had a lot to get off of my cheast. This is a good assignment because it always us to do what we should do every day. just let it all out! Haha, good idea! O yeah, I tried signing up for an experiment project but then I realized I signed up for the wrong day so I hope that doesn't affect my grade. Whopps! O well, there's nothing I can do about that now. This weekend is our first home football game which I am very excited about! We play North Texas and we should whopp some beee-hind! I can't wait~ | low | high | low | high | low |
Stream of Consciousness: That time counter is very annoying, the videos that switched. a really good song just came on, I think it is by Mark Anthony. This office smells kind of funny sometimes. I met this Girl named Maria today and she is a runner for UT. I hope Parking and Transportstion appeals my ticket. I have some really random thoughts. I want the best things out of life. But I fear that I want too much! What if I fall flat on my face and don't amount to anything. But I feel like I was born to do BIG things on this earth. But who knows. There is this Persian party today. My neck hurts. But I am excited about attending this party. The girl I like will be there. She is my ex. Btu it's all good. I hope she still has feeling for me. I woke up this morning with a terrible head ache. I am wondering if I should invite my brother and hos friends to that party. I really wasn't invited myself, but I know Marjon will be there. I have some messages on my phone. How do you track feelings? That must be hard to do. I feel good! Healthy, kind of tired - but its morning time. I should call Janaina. I miss her. She is very cool. I hope no one actually wastes their time reading this. Because this stream of consciouness in BS. But it's ok. I guess I will learn something new from this class. I made a taks sheet for today. But I dought (is that how you spell that word?) I will finish everything on there. But I might. Life is much simpler when you have direction. I need to get stated on my well logging homework. I bet you guys don't even read this paper. I would be interested in seeing how people stucture this writing assignment. I mean, the way people form their paragraphs and stuff. As you can see I like writing paragraphs 3-4 sentences at a time. Yeahhhhhhhhhhh, time is almost up. I am very glda to be done with is assignment. Thanks | low | high | high | high | low |
I'm thinking about bush and religion. I just had a simi arguement about it. I don't really care for the way the government is trying to impose religion on everyone. country music isn't that bad. I use to hate it in high school and now I've found a liking for it. tomorrow I go to nachadoches to visit friends. I'm looking forward to the driving and getting away from it all. I don't like being stuck down here. my room is really quiet. so is my roommate. we don't talk much. hopefully we'll open up and start to talk a bit. my legs itch and so does my back. I'm really full. that large pizza was really good. but the sight of pizza would make me really sick. I still can't stop thinking about government. it all just sickens me. I wish there were better canidates to choose from. face itches. I'm actually happy tonite. I got an A on my physics homework. ugh, physics was made by the devil, I swear. its like they don't want you to ever pass that class. leg itches. I'm a little stressed though. my shoulders and neck are all tight. I think its because of my whole financial aid deal. hopefully it will all be in by tomorrow so I can have some money for this weekend. arm itches. I really like country music. stomach itches. I miss old friends. maybe ill try to fix that this semester. get back in contact with old friends or try to stay in contact. I need to stop missing calculus class. its not like its hard. I just need to go and pay attention. I need to shave. I just need the time to do it. it takes forever. my chair is comfy. I don't like how my monitor is set-up. I wish I didn't have to turn my neck to look at the monitor. I wonder who is winning the patriots/colts game. I hope the colts win. I don't want to see the pats win anymore. I really like the underdogs, except when its UT playing. got to support the home team. astros finally lost a game. 12 straight and then a lose. hope they won the second game of the doubleheader. now I see why I people don't like country music, it puts you in a more mellow mood. not sad but not happy. more of a reflective mood. man, this summer was awesome. I can't wait til next summer. college intern at cypress united methodist. 200 kids, wow! a girl from katy died today. some people from the mission trip knew her. its so sad to be taken at such a young age. texas better beat arkansas Saturday. ill be pissed if they lose again to them. I itch a lot. my beard especially. that's why I need to shave it. ugh, 8am class tomorrow. I thought freshman year was going to be the only year I had them. oh well, the class is easy and entertaining. I can't wait for this to be over. I really wish me and my roommate would talk more. it gets kind of akward in here when we are just sitting at our computers not talking to each other. I need to excercise. I'm feeling lazy. I want to play raquetball. it was great when I hit ash in the head with the ball and then when I fell on my butt when trying to serve. great times. my beard still itches. I think I'm going to go shave soon. its driving me nuts. this is a lot like writing in a journal. just a lot more random. but being random is fun, it throws people off. | low | low | low | low | high |
Right now I am in my apartment with my two room mates and one of their girlalking to the friend and her friend. My roommate is wistling some weird tune while watching seinfeld and talking to the girls. My computer is writing unbelievably slow because of all these unbelievably uneccessary pop-ups. Speaking of unbelievable, how do you spell it? Is it with an ie of ei whatever I guess it really doesn't matter. I just answered the door and signed for some package for my roommate. The delivery guy was chill, I like UPS. My roommate just put on a Dave Matthews dvd so at least I'm listening to some pretty sweet music. I am currently eating a cliff bar flavored chocalate brownie. It looks like predigested food, but at leats it taste fairly good. I just looked to my right and noticed my bike which I have not ridden since I got to Austin. Its a Hoffman Condor, which is a pretty sweet bike, I guess I should use it a little more. Me and my roommates rode are bikes around in the snow last year up in Chicago, that was tight. You would never imagine how hard it is to ride a bike on a frozen pond. My roommates girlfriend is doing her laundry at our apartment right now. Its cool. I just looked at my other roommate and thought about the incredibly easy week he has had. He goes to ACC and has no friday classes. He then skipped monday because he didn't have his car. Today he got out of both of his classes for some carnival they were having. He just asked me "Travis where are we eating tonight. " That kind of funny because that for sure seems like the most important thing we have to do tonight. I love college. Dave is now playing Granny on the listener supported dvd and its kickin. I love this song. Dave and his boys rock it out in concert if you have never been. . GGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOO. UT is turning out to be pretty sweet. I love the wide variety of people you get to see on a daily basis. My last school had 1200 students so I Knew just about everyone I saw, its a little different here, but its all good. Just looked at the timer and it looks like I got about 3 minutes left. Is anyone elses computer typing on like a 2 second delay? Anyway its been fun writing in a constant stream of continual conscience or whatever its called. Phsycology is very interesting I really liked the lie detector test. Props to Michael for tricking that thing the second time around. Just looked at the kitchen, it looks pretty clean who would have thought? One minute left that's really all I'm thinking about right now. The class dj is good with the tunes they seem to be a sweet mix. Talk to you later peace out whoever is reading this. Bye. | high | high | low | high | low |
Today has been so uneventful. I just accidentally pushed the finish button on this thing and I hadn't typed a thing. My roommate has her volume all the way up on her computer and is IMing people and it is quite annoying. *Bahhhring!* Ugh. I just watched this movie that I completely did not understand. I'm not sure exactly what was going on the whole time. Something about this guy who was really screwed up and then he killed his mom. But she wanted him to. Weird. I'm so tired right now, but I have an early 9 o'clock class. I have towels in the drier. I can't forget to take them out. They're pink and have my name monogramed on them in bright green. Cute. I think, anyways. I can't stop thinking about Ronnie. I hate being in a long distance relationship. I really do. I saw him just yesterday, and he is coming to visit again on Saturday, but it is still too much time in between. I just miss him so much. He means everything to me. He's my best friend. He's my boyfriend. He's everything. I feel like I don't talk to my mom as much as I should, but I really don't feel compelled. And when I do talk to her, she always thinks I am upset about something, but I'm not. I just don't have a lot to say. She is usually busy anyways. Any forty-one-year-old with a kid in college and a one and a half year old, and a live-in, senile grandmother generally has a lot on her plate. And my step-dad, not like he counts for anything. I can't stand the man. And she wonders why I was always miserable when I lived with her. He's such a jerk. But I don't have to live with him now. College life is so much different, but I think I will like it, aside from being away from Ronnie. I like being on my own and not having to worry about what every one else thinks all the time. Especially my step-dad. I do miss Ronnie though. Seeing him this weekend was so amazing. I had only been away from him for a week, but it seemed like an eternity longer, I guess because we had taken this huge leap in our lives, moving away and all. I still can't believe it. My life at home was always so monotomous. Get dressed, school, newspaper, home, dinner, Ronnie, home, computer, sleep. Day in, day out. Now all I do is homework, but still, it's a change (haha, like I ever did homework in high school!) I just realized that I can finally type without looking at the keys. I hadn't known that before. Of course, now that I notice this, I keep messing up, but I guess that's because I am concentrating too hard. I'm trying to teach my mom to type not in all capital letters all the time. That's so annoying. Of course, now she types in all lower case, but still that's a step up from reading EVERYTHING THAT LOOKS LIKE THIS, OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Caps hurt my eyes and run together. Wow, this really is a random paper. I went to Baylor this weekend. I could never go to that school. They have chapel every morning at 8. Wow, that's early. And they have community bathrooms. And, their dorms are small. I like my dorm at Dobie. It's nice and spacious, for a dorm anyhow. A whole lot better than Jester. I would hate to live in that cramped little space. Gross. And their bathrooms are gross because ditzy little girls are always getting too drunk and puking everywhere. Oh, the life a sorority hopeful. How I envy puking all over the place in front of everyone. My suitemate puked this weekend because she got too drunk. I've never been drunk, don't plan on being that way. It just doesn't appeal to me. In the cafeteria they had corn nuggets. Ronnie and I were talking about those just the other day. They used to have them at Church's Chicken and we both loved them, but now they don't anymore. But they have them in the cafeteria! That's about the only decent thing they have. Unless you're into greasy casserole or soggy bagels. I for one am not. I am so sleepy, and I think I might go to bed early tonight. But I need to remember my towels in the dryer. I bet they'll turn the next person's laundry pink, but hopefully not. I've washed them before. I need to call Ronnie after I get done with this. I told him I'd call when Leslie left. Leslie's gone. I bet he is busy though. His classes began today. Oh, man. I miss him and talk about him way too much. Is that bad? I really think we can make it though. I mean, if the world is like it should, he and I will be together. We just will. Every time I look down at the beautiful ring on my finger, (on my RIGHT hand), I just know it'll be okay. But I do miss him. I transferred into Comm school today. Leslie says I am a Commie now, just like her. I guess this is something to be happy about. This is what I've wanted for a long time. Oh, my time is almost up. Wow, twenty minutes goes fast when you don't talk about anything but yourself. Shameless self-infatuation. | low | low | low | low | high |
I am so happy I can't really explain how I feel just that I am feeling great. I know the reasons why I am so happy I just feel like telling everyone that I am so happy and I just want to smile a lot. I would but other students would probably freak but then that's okay cause there is to many people here in Austin that I don't think anybody would even remember the girl that told them that she was so happy. Anyways I have had so many hard days these past days butI think that I am going to be okay. I don't know why people don't even talk to other people unless they know them. Today I actually realized that eventhough austin is a big university I can make others see me. Okay right now my feet hurt so much I did so much walking today just like the other days. The difference is that I got blissters on my feet and they really hurt but you probably don't want to know that. Anyways I think I have lost weight because my pants fit me loose from when I bought them. Which is good because I usually don't loose weight or gain it just stay the same. Oh if I misspell a word I am so sorry but its just that when I am happy I can't really concentrate on spelling. I'll try not to make so many mistakes. I have gone back and captalized all the I's that weren't captalized. Right about now I feel my brain fried of so much thinking. So I met someone that can become a destraction in my education or can be the best thing that ever happened to be but I can't say who he is. Besides that I am really happy I feel like a new nickel very shiny through the inside and on the outside as well. All this happiness is thanks to God because he has not forgotten me of left me to survive on my own. So thank you so much Jesus because without you I would not be were I am today and who I am. I know that this might make someone feel unconfortable but that is how I feel and what I am thinking so no offence to no one in any way. I so wonder if my mom will come this weekened that would be so great but if she doesn't it's okay cuase I have her in my heart and in a DVD that my sister made for her. So any time I want to hear my mom's voice I just have to see the video and there she is that makes me more happy. I wish I could describe this feeling and share it with every one but I can't. It's great! Anyways my minutes are almost up but after this I am going to do other homework and get things done for tommorrow. I usually start early on things and wake up early to get other stuff done that's the way to do it. One teacher told me that if I wanted to get more of my stuff done to get up early and do them. | high | high | high | high | high |
I'm writing this assignment feeling kind of strange because I attempted it yesterdays on my st and my computer froze right when the timer said 19:59. very ironic. I feel very tired right now and really unmotivated. I have a lot to do and I don't feel like doing anything. I wish I could just go to sleep. I need a lot of attention from people these days and I'm just not getting it. matt took my car to san antonio to go to court and he apparently forgot to tell me about it. seems very convinient of him but whatever. he is acting weird, and different but he doesn't know or doesn't see what he's doing. it seems pointless for me to even get angry or bothered by it and I'm slowly beginning to not care. but that will be his loss because he will realize that he should be paying a little more attention to school, sleep, and me then to the things that he is focusing on. maybe I'm just overreacting though, because I seem to do that so well. I don't feel like being here, my head hurts, and I smell burnt popcorn in the hall way. I have a long day tomorrow and my last class is over at 5. I don't know what the day will have in store for me, hopefully I will be able to focus on my studies and not worry about all this other stuff that's bothering me. I need to realize that I can make myself happy and I don't need someone else to make me happy. I don't even know why I'm rambling on about this, its just always in my head I suppose. I hope I get a new car. my dad said I can maybe get something now from the money well get from the insurance. but who knows what kind of car he's going to get me. It will probably be something crappy like I have now. but I can't complain, something is definatly better than nothing, at least in this case. my economics book came in today. finally, becasue I was starting to stress that I was going to get too far behind. I really need to sit down with my books and my notes and try to really comprehend everything. even though I do try but I need more. I need to focus on doing that for all of my classes. but economics and chemistry are the main ones that I might have difficulty in. just because they are very mathy subjects. I might stay at the appartment tonight but I probably won't because I have such an early class tomorrow. well see what happens I suppose. I think matts court started already and he didn't even call me to let me know that he got to town safely. oh well, like I said I'm slowly starting not to care about all of these little things. that might be bad though because it might lead me to not care at all, about anything. it feels bad to feel like you're on the back burner, or that things have changed, though one person might like the change its not good unless both people involved agree with or like the change. I'm so tired right now I could easily go to bed and not wake up until tomorrow. but I can't do that because I have entirely too much work to do. tonight I want to get caught up with my psychology eradings, and I want to study my chemistry and continue to work on hw assignment number two. my roommate just went to heb to get nick a birthday cake. I hope all of that works out ok. if matts still not back ill probably stop by the study lounge to tell him happy birthday but I'm really not into all that socializing that everyone does. I'm usually either really wrapped up with my work or with matt. I don't know how good that is but it makes me happy and that is what counts to me. I just hope it counts to him. oh well. I met with my mentor group earlier. they're all really nice people and I hope I get to know them a lot better as the year progresses. its a pretty fun experience. this weekend should be fun. I'm going to meet up with my friend laura in san Marcos and go see some people that I haven't seen in a long time. I hope I can scrounge up something to wear, because I need to do laundry and I need to go shopping, I have like no clothes anymore, I don't know what happened. my sister is complaining to me about me having her shirts so ill have to give her back her clothes if I see her this weekend. I hinestly don't feel like going home though. it gets too awkward for me. I don't know what but I don't really like it. I'd rather just stay here and study or like watch TV then go home and feel awkward with my family. I have so much to do and I'm starting to stess out and the semester has only begun. I can already see that college is going to be very hectic. I hope I can handle it alright. wow the time is up. | low | low | low | low | high |
So it is cold in my room it was like that last night too. I really have to go to the bathroom. wow I suck at typing I think it is because my fingers are cold. my feet are also cold too. I can hear the air conditioning blowing over my bed and my room. I'm so full right now-I just had lunch and it was good, but I was starving. Absolutely starting. I have this class today and I hope I don't fall asleep. I don't think I will because it is usually entertaining. I hope I am doing this right. Since I am typing, I am focusing on that and not on my main stream thoughts. I hope my friend Kacie is doing ok, she doesn't like her roommate and wants to transfer to Colorado where her brother goes to school. I can picture her sitting in her dorm all alone right now. Juliana is funny. we usually eat lunch together and it is fun. she is quiet and a lot of people might think she was a snob, but she isn't,just shy. TOnight I have a meeting to go to for 2 hours. that sucks. I wonder if my parents are going to come to UT this weekend. They said they might, but I'm going to the game on Saturday and I won't be in town on Sunday, so I guess we will see. Did I mention I have to pee? I think I did. I took my ipod to class today, to biology, and listened to it on the way. It worked fine except I kind of felt like a snobby -conspicuous consumption- person while I was listening to my music. The white earpieces give it away. Everyone knows its an Ipod. I always am picturing the bus stop I walk past to get to class. how everyone is standing outside, waiting for the bus, the shadow of the trees' leaves on the ground in the hot August sun. Haha, I feel like I'm writing some romance novel or something. I have a lot of homework to do today, and I didn't do much last night. Now the refrigerator is making noises, but it always does. I think my roommate is at class. I haven't seen her at all today. I wonder what people downstairs are doing. this kid thought I was going to eat lunch with him because we just happened to leave the dorm at the same time to go to Kinsolving, but then I was meeting my friend. So I feel kind of bad, but he went on ahead too. Its not totally my fault. Some of my high school friends are out of school now. I have class till 5 then the NSC meeting till 7. blah. And I have a meeting tomorrow night, and a couple next week. This feels like high school again. I hope people will wait for me to go to dinner with them. Last night we went to jack in the box, and I hate fast food, so I got a salad. That's what I got when we went to Burger King last week, also. I would rahter eat at kinsolving then waste my Bevo Bucks there. Mmm. Thai food sounds good. My nutrition class is so boring. Today at lunch while I got my tacos and was fixing them, and while I got my fruit, I was thinking of my nutrition class and our teacher lecturing on and on. About fruits, vegetables, the servings we ned to have of each, that kind of of thing. I'm really tired all the sudden. My eyes are starting to close. I could take a nap before psych. But I probably won't. So I still have to pee. That's kind of gross and you won't want to know that but oh well. All my friends keep signing on to I'M but I can't talk to them because I am doing this. only 10 min. left! This reminds me of jogging on the treadmill at Gregory, with other sweating people watching Ellen or Regis and Kelly in the morning. I keep looking at the clock, praying the time will go faster so I will be done working out. Should I join crew? I might, my roommate is involved, and it would be a good way to work out, and it would be done so early in the morning. I just hesitate because I don't want to be exhausted all the time, which I could very well be. My friend James goes to OSU and he had a fro last year but he shaved it this summer. I like it better with the fro because he is a funny kid. I'm getting tired of this. I don't want Carpel Tunnel Syndrome or anything. I don't think I have actually ever typed for like 20 min at a time. the girl across the hall from me isn't very friendly. She is in my bio and chem classes and in my FIG also, but she seems kind of snobby and all like "I'm too good to talk to you". I keep thinking of my friend from HS who is in the psych class too. I saw her as we walked out on Monday and I was like oh, hey. I'm thinking about breaking out my Thin Mints that my mom sent me right now. I wanted a cookie at lunch but they had cake. And cookies are so good. FOr some reason Kerry just popped into my head. what should I do about that? Should I vote for him? I think it was because we did a psych. survey yesterday about Bush and terrorism. My fridge stopped making noises but the a. C still is. My arms are starting to hurt. Am I going to die? This weekend my brother and his wife came in town from Boston for a wedding and we hung out with him. We went to Barton Springs, it was fun. After, we got some tacos at this place for lunch. It was good. I can see us in line at the restaurant (as a baby I called it a restoot) waiting to order, me looking around, deciding what to get, if I wanted the drinks that were really good, they taste just like a fruit. We got a cantolope one and it was so refreshing. I have the worst posture. I'm trying to sit up now. My friend kc has a yoga strap she uses to keep her sitting up straight. Owww. my arms really hurt now. oh band, I was in band last year and I remember marching and all those friends I had from band. One of my friends who is a senior now has to go to practice today. He just signed online. Wow, only 2 more minutes! Someone is slamming doors in my hall and I can hear people talking. There are some really annoying sorority girls and frat boys in my hall and they think they are so cool. One girl has they shorts that say sexy on the butt, and she is also in one of my classes. I'm not a huge fan of her. wow, that's mean. me just rambling on about the people I don't like. Ok, almost there. I feel like I'm running a marathon. I ran this morning. I'm proud of myself for exercising so hopefully I won't gain the freshman 500000. Then you would have to roll me home. I can imagine, rolling myself home past the Buccees in Giddings, the Exxon station and the little Beaver (Buccee himself) on the Exxon sign. ok I'm done, ow my arms hurt. I'm such a wimp. Now my prof is going to read this out loud and I'm going to be mortified, sinking lower and lower in my seat. please don't read aloud! haha. I know that won't happen. ok bye. | low | high | low | high | high |
What do I write about? That is a good question, but I guess I should write about writing, or think about thinking. The thoughts streaming through my head right now mainly consist of how fatigued I am at the moment. I have been running around all day doing errands for the actives, and I just want to sit and do nothing. I guess this is almost doing nothing except for the movement of my hands and the flow of my thoughts. Part of my relaxation method at the moment is coming through my ears in the form of some music. Jimmy Buffet is streaming through my computer waves and out into my room. I wish I were sleeping and I wish I did not have to report to the house in about 40 minutes because I just want to do nothing right now. I don't feel that physically tired but more mentally fatigued. I did not have much class today, so I got to sleep in, but I could still use some rest. Perhaps I need to get outside and exercise to increase my energy in the future. I just don't have much open time with pledgeship at the moment for anything but class. I have been in school here for about two weeks, and I think it is really quite a cool set up. You don't have to go to class if you don't want to, but it certainly crushes your grades with low attendence. Sometimes the lectures are really quite boring, but this is never the case in Psychology, only my other classes. The biggest adjustment I think from High school to college is the format of testing with only a few test grades determining your whole grade. One of my annoying friends just walked in the room and is tearing up my room by bouncing a basketball. That guy is such a mess and I was not serious about the annoying part because he is cool, but now he exited the room to go find something exciting to do as opposed to watching some guy sit in his room and type on his computer. Let's see here, it has been 11 minutes of streaming thoughts and this is pretty fun. It is even more fun that this is not graded on content since surely my dull writing is sure to bore any living human. I am trying to search for thoughts, but I just realized that defeats the purpose of the exercise because there should be no interruption, just natural thoughts. All of the jimmy buffet music is taking me away to the beach and "margaritaville. " I wish I were on the beach right now instead of at school, but its not all that bad. We have our own semi- beach environment with the river and other stuff around Austin. But now my hands are kind of aching because I don't think I have ever typed this long without taking a break. I am certain that I wil have great stamina in my hands when I am through with all of the writing assignments, and if it does nothing else, atleast my typing speed should increase significantly. It is pretty quite around here as opposed to like last night or other days because usually a lot of people are hanging out in our room or playing loud music. I like this serenity with just me, my computer, and jimmy. I look up at the clock and see I am at the eighteen minute mark, and only two more minutes. I feel like this is some type of race, like a time trial or a running race in which I have 20 minutes to run as far as possible and must finish strong. This writing is not so painful as I though because I was sure that I would just go braindead and have nothing to say. I do have a lot to say but it might not be the most earth shattering writing. Looks like I am out of time. | low | high | low | low | high |
Ok, writing. I started this a few minutes ago but apparently in Mozilla Firefox the timer doesn't work. Sorry if I end up submitting two essays. Right now I'm kind of hungry. My stomach is growling, I haven't eaten since seven-thirty this morning. I didn't use to eat breakfast, but now I do. One minute down. I feel pressured, like I have to continue hitting keys or I'm not doing as well as I should on this writing assignment. Which is strange because all I have to do is write something, anything, and I get credit for it. Is it cheating if I use the backspace key to edit my mistakes? There are quite a few of them. I probably would type better and therefore faster if I slowed down, which is paradoxical but true. I am also sleepy. Maybe I will take a nap, except I have to study. Hooray. That's a thing about college that is hard to get used to - setting oneself to a schedule and keeping to it, studying and going to classes on time without being told what to do. I'm thinking about psychology and the hypothalamus, which is what we learned about yesterday. The description of the rat kind of makes me wish I was a rat whose hypothalamus was being zapped. Seems kind of nice, although dying of starvation doesn't sound pleasant. Maybe in this case it does. I wonder what it's like. Maybe conscious though takes a backseat to simple feelings of pleasure, like humans feel sometimes, in the throes of ecstasy (religious, sexual, or chemical). Maybe the human brain has a natural resistance to feeling too much for too long in order to protect itself from things like dying of pleasure. Quite a way to go. I am running out of things to write about and it's only been 5:30 minutes. My mind is becoming a blank. Perhaps I can shove something in there. Nope. Rub a dub dub, three men in a tub. I'm regressing back to childhood, oh no! Forced constant thinking seems to have brought me back to my childhood, which is not what I would have expected. If you think about it, that nursery rhyme is kind of suggestive. I wonder why I keep bringing up images and thoughts from when I was young? Perhaps those, being learned first, form the basis of the psyche and are therefore more intrinsic to the mind than say, what I learned yesterday or what I see on MTV. MTV. I do not like that channel at all. I do not like it in a boat, I do not like it with a goat. I do not like it, Sam I Am, I do not like Music Television. The channel that proclaims to be that of rebels and anti-culturalists, but is really the mainstream mass-produced mass-consumed product that everyone thinks it is rebelling against. At least they encourage people to vote. That's a positive message coming from a negative source. I guess no one or nothing is truly evil. Well, nine minutes gone. I'm feeling stretched, like butter spread over too much bread, as Bilbo put it. Like everything in my mind has already come out and I'm squeezing a juicebox trying to suck the dregs of thought through that straw. Of course, with a juicebox you can never quite get out all the liquid, and I suppose it's the same with the mind. One thing I never understood about the mind is how one gets from neurons firing and connecting with each other to actual consciousness. In the textbook it seems like a step is skipped. An analogy can be made (and has been, I assume) between the mind and the computer. One could say, well, magnetic information doesn't seem at first glance to represent data and images and text. But the former is converted into the latter by programs, which themselves run on magnetic data. Where are the programs in the mind? It's hard to believe that the human mind just coincidentally has the neurons in all the right patterns to be able to form speech and thought and movement. Where is the software? I'm just rambling now. Although that's the purpose of this paper, isn't it? Ha ha. I tried to read the book House of Leaves, I was told it was brilliant, but you know what? It, for lack of a better and more descriptive and more culturally acceptable word, sucks. It's written in a nonfiction style, but the endless footnotes serve only to distract from character development and this won't make much sense to whoever is reading this if they haven't read it. Speaking of which, Hello, whoever is reading this! I hope you're having a wonderful day. Although reading hundreds of stream of consciousness papers is not my idea of a wonderful day. Still, someone's got to do it, right? Someone's got to do all the dirty jobs in the world, until they design an automated way to do it. Then the worker loses their job. Which is better, I wonder-- working at a terrible job, or being replaced from that terrible job and not working at all? Some day, hopefully, we will have robots to do all our terrible jobs for us. We will become like Asimov's Solaria - thousands of robots to maintain a small human population. Eventually it will go to extremes -- millions of robots to one human. Or maybe not. What will be the point of civilization then? What is the point of it now? To keep people happy? Great job so far, I must say. Nowadays people think that what they need to be happy is chemicals. More and more chemicals, pills, etc. to cure the imbalances in their head. They should take a cue from computer repair people -- the problem is just as often in the software as in the hardware! Biological psychology will go a great deal in explaining human behavior, but it can only go so far. People who have no imbalance in their minds but still do terrible things or get depressed - what do we do with them? Eighteen minutes, fifteen seconds have passed. Quite a while to be writing. You know, a second never seems so long as when you want it to be short. I love time's relativity, even though this isn't really an application of it. If only there was a way to have time speed up or slow down if we wanted it to -- now there would be a best-selling invention. It all deals with people's perception anyway -- I bet there is a way, somewhere. Although messing with brains like that probably isn't a good idea. Speaking of good ideas, my time is just about up. It's been a pleasure. | high | high | low | low | low |
Right now I am in my room trying to study. I really don't know how to study at all. I'm way behind in all my reading cause it's so boring. Micah is printing something right now. I am so bored. I want to go home tomorrow, but I'm not done with my reading so I really can't do anything until I'm done with that. Plus I don't know whose going to pick me up if I could go home. Homer said he was going to find a way to come and get me, but I don't know if it's possible. They said there is this race they are going to on Sunday and I really would like to go. Gosh this seem to be forever to type. I really miss my mom, but when I'm around she's always yelling at me. I don't enjoy my time with her. Every time we get into an agrument I feel bad afterwards cause I know she might not be around for very long. I love her so much I just wish we can hang out and do what other family does and be happy. My sister is not talking to her right now because of what happen last week and I wish it never did happen. I would be aleast happier to talk to her everyday. She seem to always cry when I do talk to her. My life seem to suck comparing to all the other people. Micah is standing here right now watching me type. Right now I'm looking around room. My roommate is making me nervous, she was looking at me type. I think we need to start cleaning our room cause we have books and stuff everywhere. I miss Juan, he went back to califorina for the Marines and he has not called me since the last time. It's been like a week. I've been feeling a little dumb around UT cause everyone seem to be so smart. Even my friend Sarah feel this way. Maybe I just don't belong here with all the smart people. I'm a poor person, and it just make it worst to see that most of the people that goes here are rich. They talked about how they are going to get a piece of land and build their house and have lots and lots of parties. I don't know if I can even afford a house right now. My mom lives in an apartment and she barely make enough to pay for all the bills. I feel like I'm using all her money going here. I love her so much. She's always been here for me even if we get in fights. My life would have been better if I have my dad around. He doesn't even seem to care if I'm alive or not. He never sent us anything. The only thing that I get from him is a child support paycheck, which I don't really care for. I need money, but it always come and go. And it sure doesn't make me happy. Homer really likes me but I don't know him enough to go out with him. Is that bad? For some reason I still like Isrel, but he's just the type of person that want girls for sex. He wanted to take me home this one day, but I said no. I don't like people looking at me like I am a hoe, because I know I'm not a hoe. My mind is blank right now. To me life just seem to suck. Isrel seem to be a non commitment person, and I wish he was because I would like to go out with him and be with him. I guess I just like the idea that I like him and if we get together and get marry someday he would be able to support me and make me happy. My goal right now is to do good in school and build a great career for myself and prove to my friend's that I can graduate from UT if I try my best. They keep on telling my that I'm wasting my money going to UT because it's much cheaper when I go at home. I just always wanted to go to UT and here I am following my dreams. I'm trying to find a job right now but it seem so hard. So many people are searching for jobs and I'm out of luck. I think I might switch my bank to bank one because they have free checking account and the one I have with bank of america isn't free. After this I need to start reading all of my books I wonder how far I'm going to get before I decide to go do something again. I'm almost done I have less then a minute now. I really enjoy my psychology class. It's one of the best class I have here at UT so far. I just hope I'll do good. My goal is to do good and get into the nursing major. | low | high | low | high | high |
Sleep! That's what I need to do. I stayed up all night writing my freshman seminar paper on Bond- Born an electric quartet. I asked my roommate that I was going to get some shut eye for about 10 minutes and to wake me up for my class at ten, but she woke me up 40 minutes later. I wasn't late. Thank GOD! I'm really stressed out, I have so many things to do this weekend. Why is college so easy yet so hard to manage. Management, I believe, is the biggest thing in college. I miss my family so much. I really don't know if I'm doing this right. I'm trying to type so fast that my hands are shaking and I'm pressing the wrong keys. Grrr! My roommate is leaving today to see her family. Good for her. We were both crying, actually I was the only one come to think of it. She said she never cries even if it is the saddest thing ever. How can you not cry. I guess I'm very emotional and sensitive. I was sick last weekend and when my parents came up to see me they were really worried. I hope they are healthy and son't worry so much. I want to see them and my brothers so bad. I'm done with classes and I'm free!! I love the feeling of writing in streams of consciousness. It is probably one of my favorite past times besides playing and composing music. I really want to be super good on my electric violin. After writing my paper about the electric quartet, I realized that I wanted to be like them. I actually miss my quartet. They all went to the University of Chicago and are sophomores there. I'm always the youngest in everything. youngest in my graduating class, among my friens, at my church-- that is youth bible group, and even among the freshmans here at UT. I feel so old yet so young compared to others here. I can't believe that there are 30 maybe even 40 year olds in my calculus class. I was so shocked when several older males came and sat in our lecture. They are older than my professor and TA's. What are they doing here at such a old age, I wonder. Did they flunk, not graduate, drop out and then realize many years later that school is the best place to be! I was walking out of PCL after studying late and this homeless guy walks up and asked for money. I ignored him because I was creeped out. It is my belief that if a homeless is not missing any limbs and is perfectly capable to work then he/she should. However, if they are missing an arm or let's say play the saxophone on the street, I would definetly give them some change. I feel that they are doing their best with the disabilities facing them. Last night, my roommate came in with her best guy friend, who's bi-sexual, and another guy that I later found was gay. I really don't mind gay guys although I find it sad, I DO MIND if they are lesbians!! YUCK! I'm a strong christian girl so it really is hard for me to cope with such things. I am very conservative and tend to not change my views for anyone unless the provide convincing evidence. I really want to keep writing on and on but I have 2 minutes left. I love to write especially poems. I like being creative and connecting with my inner feelings. I guess it is because I play classical music and only listen to classical music. Classical music, I think is the most sensuous, expressive and beautiful form of art every created. I would love to whip out my violin or go to a grand piano and play songs after songs. I better wrap up--oh no--it's almost time for me to go. I'll---phew--the computer is letting me write a little more. Whoever is grading this is really going to enjoy reading everyone's writing. Well, I got to head off to my Biology study group. Toodles! | high | high | high | high | low |
ahh everyting I typeed got erased dammit I have to do this again. htat is not fair I am angry now, with 30 seconds left somehow everything I typed about got erased. that is very frustrating for me I typed about so many random things. let me try this again. First of all I talked about how I am leaving for Atlanta in the mornging. I have a flight at 7 oclock which means I have to leave my house at 530 in the mornign so I can get there half an hour before my boarding of my flight. my dad is going to take me to the airport so I odnt have to leave my car there. I have not seen my car in two weeks and I love my car. I bought the car with my own money and I paid for it for one whole year. now my dad pays for it and is thaankful that I atleast got about 12000 dollars out of the way of the payments. I bought my car on august 16 2002 and to celebrate my two year anniversary I ended up having to get my wisdom teeth pulled. it was actuall fun for me. I loved the laughing gas, it made me so goofy I amde so many jokes with my partetns and with my docotors. I also couldnot stop laughing. also I did not feel any pain but still took pain killers to make sure that the pain didn't kick in. lets see what else can I talk about. hmm. I am waiting for my shoes to get mailed in to my house. I ordered some nike shox which I got to customize the color and also got to write my nAME ON IT. oops I had caps lock on. that is wiered, I am still mad that my whole assignment got erased right before it was twenteyy miutes. oh well htere is always things runnging around in my mind. if I am ever bored I turn to sports. I love sports. I love ut sports and all of dallas' temas. I will support them 100 percent everrytime. most of the time my TV is on I watch espn, it is an awesome channel, okay it has benn twenty minutes of typing for me so I am goign to go pack for my trip. hopefully I can get an A in this class. and I love this assignment | low | low | low | low | low |
I didn't sleep at all last night and I'm barely making it through my day. I feel like a zombie, but hey what's new? I have an english paper due on Monday. I think I completely bombed the thesis. I guess I can always go back and change it. I'm tired, I can't think. that's a lie, of course I can. it will simply be rambling nonsensical jumble. and that counts too right? sure it does. I've been seeing this guy. he's about seven years older than I am, and that shouldn't be that big of a deal, but it's more of an age difference than anyone I've dated before. I can meet him on an itellectual level, conversation isn't lacking, there's physical attraction and the whole deal. so why am I so doubtful? I suppose because I'm paranoid about becoming an obnoxious needy stereotypical girl. Unfortunately I have been that to others in the past and refuse to ever play that part again. I'm so much stronger now, more confident and comfortable with myself as a person. Anyway, my point is I'm scared to let him know I'm sincerely intersted because I think it will freak him out and send him running in the other direction. I can make my intentions known without actually verbalizing my feelings. And I'm pretty sure at this time in the relationship- whatever time it might be- is too soon to bring up any of those concerns. Is he seeing anyone else? Does he care? Does he not want to hurt my feelings so he won't tell me he doesn't want to hang out? it's so ridiculous to hear myself think like this. basically I'm so afraid of rejection that I'm willing to do it myself, before anyone really gets the chance. I've dated a plethera of losers over the past year and I'm tired of not caring about anyone. anyone in that way I guess. yes I have friends and have plenty to do without a guy to entertain (that sounds really harsh- it is me that wants this. )but I miss that connection. I want to be in love again. but who doesn't? I suppose once I stop wanting it I'll find it. that's the way of the world sometimes. yeah but about him. it is what it is and if it doesn't work out than so be it. plenty of fish in the sea and all that. but he does have some potential. enough of this. it's making my head hurt. I don't like that my stream of consciousness has turned into more of a "dear diary" than anything else. I'm sitting in the student microcomputer facility among my fellow longhorns at the moment. I wonder how many of them are doing this assignment right now. maybe none. everyone's in their own little worlds. deep inside their thoughts or their research. everyone seems so disconnectced, though I suppose that's the point of this place. a quiet area to get work done, not social hour. I'm about to go to ecology evolution and society. I've been reading the assigned chapters, but I fear that I'm not actually retaining any of the information. I guess it will become quite apparent when I get my first test scores back. all I want to do here is to do well. it's the only reason I'm living in austin again, to continue my education. so that's what I aim to do. make the most out of the billion things I have to accomplish today. cross them off my list and get them out of the way in order to make room for all the new. life is pretty enjoyable when you don't let it drag you down with the minor negative aspects. so many people do that. drown in their own self pity and reamin miserable regardless. just smile sometimes, it really can make you feel better, and probably someone else as well. that's what I think, but this mind of mine is all over the place and never seems to rest. the end. my time is up. | high | high | high | low | high |
Hello looks like a journal entry. Frustrating blank page as usual, not nearly as much pressure as a true journal might be. No, true journals (at least the ones I know) come complete with the most irrational, egotistical, subjective criticisms at all. Here, I might simply start to list adjectives. Think I will. Chair, run, cake, spoon, sparrow, harly, make, spy, insult, laughter, organization, economy, ----- complete crap!!! Ha! Adjectives are fun. What to make of this phenomenal opportunity? Don't be shy, be compliant. Or just spew forth venom, anecdotes, general life lessons. Inclination says talk about "me". Here's what that is. Or so we'll try. Music, menus, frustration. Solitary, isolated, friendship social butterfly. Making waves the size of anthills, feeling pretty depressed about it. The color of the water is green. Count the levels of meaning there. Anaphor. Hyperbole. Homonyms. Czech Republic. Czeska Republica. The United States of my Ass. Could I say here that I want to ______ the president? Protect Identity. The blank might have been filled with "make love" or "marry" or "help through important issues". Certainly not "castrate. " What else? Looking forward to making A's lots of A's, because after all purpose belongs to those classes in which one might be rewarded for hard work and ass kissing. Discombobulated this page may be, but organization's overrated. I know a quote: one advantage of being disorganized is that one is constantly making new discoveries. " That one's right above Dad's desk at the office. Why do I experience comfort in an environment less than rational? or organized? Possibly the same reason I love psychoactive mindbenders (by this, of course, I refer to puzzles and games like scrabble!) Because true beauty in life exposes itself not in the routine, as religious dogma might promise, but at an Indian buffet at which one can stand before a plethora of unfamiliar treasures, waiting for the unfamiliar perspective of a Western mind for validation. what else? I think this weekend I'm going to stimulate myself with something organic - or possibly inorganic - and clean up the house. Make normal people sense of the place so that when Mom and Dad show up tomorrow they don't swallow their tongues. Music makes everything voluptuous, adds another layer to experiences so that they find their way to memory lane more frequently and effectively. Takeover from an armchair. Natural delicacies. TV numbs, music accentuates, pleasure reading enriches, highest level math and science is God. School puts the kind of pressure on people that creates Ted Bundies. UT is anything but a good school, just like college immidiately following high school is anything but a good idea. Just going doesn't plant seeds of positivity or success. I was the fool, caught in the wave of college matriculation, and still to this day I feel I need four more years. Just like that fucking idiot GW Bush. Right now, and not because I endorse the use of any of the following terms, I'm going to type into this mind drain a slew of derrogatory or defamatory terms that I rarely use but that for some reason are to come out when I open the floodgates. It's because I wanted to call Bush a faggot, or a fucking idiot, or a fucking shithead hyppocrite, but some mechanism that pisses on creativity and ultimate truth caught me in the act and slapped my red hand before any other utterance could follow. Well, here, you fuck, stop this!!!! Oh, I was going to go into some racial slurs, but that's just so stupid. How about cracker-ass whitebread honky guerro americano puto! that would be perfect for me. Still, something about WASPy racial slurs isn't nearly as intimidating as "nigger" or "spic" or daggerhead, or whatever. This world exists as a cesspool of religious dogma, hate, and a need to evolve. It's going to suck till that evolution takes place, but God Damn it, I'll wallow in the shit till I die and I'll like it. Couldn't qualify, for that reason, as the typical "good people" one might imagine a large percentage of those floating around Earth for some god or cause might hope. That's what makes music --- done. Thanks for the toilet! | high | low | high | low | high |
Ok, I'm thinking about a whole lot of nothing, and unfortunately since I've been told I type rather fast the professor to teacher's aid will now have to suffer through the horrible task of reading through the unintelligable thought processes of Mark's mind. I hope that no one reads this seriously at all. Ok now someone is watching me type, oh they're gone. That was fast, I'm telling you this is a waste of time and I'm not going to reveal anything special during twenty minutes. I'm actually kind of depressed at the fact that twenty minutes of my own un-interrupted thought would yield so little. I miss my wife. Yeah that's right my wife. We aren't legally married but we would like to consider ourselves married and I do. I certainly hope that no one bothers to mock my idea of marriage because I actually do take it very seriously. I love her more than life, more than anything else in this world and if anyone dares to mock that love or try to deny my marriage to her as real they will have to deal with my constant and thorough wrath. Now I'll write about pizza hut. They got this buffet that's only 3. 99, not bad, but the same as cici's so if they're pizza is not far superior than I will be terribly angry at them for advertising such a horrible deal. I know that was kind of in the middle of nowhere and I will admit that something someone else just said nearby me did actually influence that statement. I hope that this world is a peaceful place for my children I will do whatever I can to ensure this. I love my wife so much. I miss her terribly. There seems to be no longer a thought in my mind except how I have many a time disputed the reality of free will. How can one expect to have something called free will then expect to be judged finally. Because if I had full free will I could have chosen not to be exposed to the information that I would be judged for my actions on earth. But since I couldn't choose whether or not I could be exposed to such information. I am a Catholic. This is a stated fact that some might take as foolish words of a foolish person. But the truth is that I consider myself a part of this religion yet I do not completely agree with all of the aspects of the religion. For example the idea that all gay people will go to hell is foolish to me. My idea of who goes to heaven and who goes to hell is this: Good people go to heaven. Bad people go to hell. Simple right? Except what I qualify as a good person is different from what other people think is good. So what now? Is my idea of good right or is theirs. But wait, the plot thickens. I have a solution to such a simple and timeless problem. You see I believe that God instilled in every human being the basic concience in that discerns between bad and good. The most amazing thing about this theory of mine is that if someone does something I find to be unacceptable I can be certain that they also think it is unacceptable. I am almost always right in this aspect. Every time I have seen something I think is wrong I can eventually approach the person about their actions and they will almost always agree with me that what they did is wrong. However, they will also go as far as to explain their good intentions. The hardest part of that aspect of the conversation is that it becomes difficult to discern between who is just self-delusioned and who genuinely had good intentions. I am not proud of all that I've done in my life. The only reason I can adopt a theory of shared thoughts of what is right and what is wrong is because I apply this theory to myself and find it to be true. I once actually cheated on one of my ex-girlfriends. One of the worst days of my life. There is no reason I can use to explain my actions. But I did it to end the relationship. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Good job huh? Well she didn't want to leave anyway. At least that was what I thought. I was so damn confused. I cheated on her, a rule I set for myself a long time ago was that I would NEVER cheat on a girlfriend. And I did. I disgraced myself and I hate. Er hated myself for it. I did it to invoke another of my rules for myself. Should an infraction upon the rule about NEVER cheating on my girlfriend I must then break-up with her because she deserves better than that. I don't know if I'm wrong. But I could be. Man you know sometimes music can just totally change one's mood. Now I'm listening to Damien Rice. The little known writer of some of the best music I've ever heard. I think he's great. It's kind of weird I guess for a guy to like some other guy's music so much but I do. I also like this guy Joseph Arthur a lot because both of these artists seem real to me. Their style of singing their lyrics are all so real. I love the way I can relate to it. I recently read "A streetcar named desire". The female role of blanche. She is like my ex. She lies, decieves in the name of giving people what they "want" NEVER tell me what I want. Only I know that and I don't appreciate being told. If anyone ever makes assumptions about who I am before I meet them. I get reasonably angry but I hide it pretty ok. You. For some reason I have been descrimanated against for being Mexican twice in my life. Both times by a girlfriends family. I have an extraordinarily pale complexion. The funny thing about that is one of them is Mexican. Heh what can I say. | high | high | high | low | low |
oh boy, the first writing assignment. I hope I am doing this correctly. I can't really think of anything else right now. I sort of have a slight headache. todays speech class was very boring. I am still bored because of it. sitting down and listening to one person after another talk and talk still has me a little bored. what else can I say. I am still bored because of it. my mind is still a blank. I don't know what I feel. my apt is sort of warm right now, so I guess its a little warm in here. I can hear my computer buzzing above everything else. I guess that can start to get annoying after a while. oh man, its only been two minutes thus far. 20 min of writing sure will suck. well, I still don't know what to think. I'm still bored. I'm now starting to think about a friend of mine. a special friend, who's company I enjoy very much. she lives back home in houston, and I occasionally see her on the weekends, although I've been talking to her online quite a bit lately. she is definetly someone special. now I'm thinking about another friend of mine who is over at my apartment constantly. although this guy is a friend of my roommates, he is also a friend of mine, but through our mutual friend. he's always over, always. this guy can get annoying, and when ever he comes over, he just annoys us. I'm a little annoyed just thinking about him right now. now my mind has drifted to ice cream. we all had ice cream last night. it was good stuff, but I think I had a little too much. we went to cold stone creamary on the drag. now my mind has drifted to the ice that is still sitting in the freezer. its just a little pint of bluebell ice cream. that pint has been sitting there for about a week and a half now. now my mind has drifted to my dad, who paid for that ice cream when I when I bought it using his credit card account. I guess I thought of him because he would smack me for going out to eat ice cream when there is perfectly good ice cream at home. now my mind has shifted to another friend of mine who just called me a minute ago, but I ignored his call because I am doing this writing assignment. this guy is a cool guy, I like him. he went to my high school and now goes to school in san antonio. his girlfriend goes here to ut. he's probably coming up to see her and to hangout with me and my roommate. now my mind has shifted to a looser guy I know that my friend from san antonio doesn't like. this other guy also goes to school in san antonio. these two almost got in a fight two weeks ago, and although I'm a passivist, I hope my friend and this other guy duke it out, for the other guy is also coming to austin this weekend for god knows what reasons. I thought it was funny seeing the two argue, and almost fight. although if the two were to fight, I think my friend would beat his ass. now thinking of san antonio, my mind has shifted to some other buddies of mine that live and go to school in san antonio. some of these guys went to high school with me as well, some didn't. I wonder how they're doing. its been a while since I last talked to almost any of them, and I just wonder how they're doing. maybe I should go up there sometime. although I have been saying these exact words for almost a year and a half now. oh boy, another seven minutes to go. damn that's a long time. I'm still thinking about my buddies from san antonio. now I'm thinking about a friend that went to ut, from san antonio, who unfortunetely flunked out of ut. I think his parents weren't too happy about it, because I've heard they've enforced some harsh rules for this guy to live by. now another friend called me, but I ignored his call as well. now I'm thinking about my friend who just called me. this guy I've know for almost 18 or 19 years, quite possibly one of my earliest friends. he just graduated from ut last semester and is already engaged. I'm sort of both happy for him and sad at the same time. happy because he'll be married and doing what is expected of everyone to do to get their wheels in life rolling. yet sad becuase I know things will be different once he's married. for example, he won't be able to hang out quite as much, although I'm sure his wife will be more than happy to let him go out every now and then. and also becuase he'll have other things on his mind that a married man would have and just probably won't feel like screwing around with his buddies any longer, or rather at the same level of screwing around he did in his college days. what ever the future holds for him, I know he'll be happy, and for that reason, I too am happy, for him that is. well, its about another two minutes to go, I hope that this will end soon. and now I see that my friend is washing the dishes that belong to my roommate and I, which I don't thin she should do. I think I'll stop her when I'm done wtih this assignment. another couple of seconds to go till I'm done. yippie. | low | low | low | low | low |
Well, I'm not exactly sure what to write about. I just finished my prescreening for the Psychology Experiment stuff and I now have to 1. 5 credits for it. So I only have to get 3. 5 more I guess to get the 5. I hope the experiment things aren't anything to bad and they don't take that long. I hate typing when I have rings and bracelets on. I really like to wear jewelry but they just start to hurt me when they rub up against the keyboard holder thingy. I don't know how I'm going to be able to write straight for 20 minutes. I just took my bracelet off, it was really hurting. I have so much homework to do this weekend. I guess teachers (professors) think that since it's a long weekend we shoudl have time to do all kinds of stuff so they give us more work. I guess the professors don't realize that each teacher gives us more and we would like to have some free time too. I also have to go to all kinds of places this weekend. I have to go to Dallas to see my half sister because she's in the hospital for something, I really don't want to go though. We never talk anymore and why should I go see her when she can't even call me when she promises to. Oh, I met these friends at UT. They are so great. One of them really. Her name is Sarah and she's really nice. I think we might try to get an apartment together next year so we can live together and not have to put up with stupid roommates like the one I have this year. She lied to me about everything and I think she might be doing some kind of drugs or something. The other day I heard her talking to some friends about sniffing some kind of chemicals in some guy's dorm. I don't know what they were talking about, that is just what I heard. Carol is talking about Sarah right now to my dad while my mom is sleeping. She thinks Sarah is so cool. I wonder if what I eat is actually eating a lot or if I'm just eating a normal amount of food. I try to eat 3 meals a day even though the food isn't always great. Oh, Kinsolving isn't all that great. Some of the food is good, but I can't stand eating there every day. They need to have food on this campus other than chicken. I love chicken and I used to want it all the time, but now since I've been here I've been dying for beef. The other day I was so stupid. I was talking to Carol on the phone and I said, "I'm tired, but I don't want to lay down. I'm bored but I don't want to do anything. I'm not hungry, but I'm dying for meat. " I bet I sounded so stupid. I drove home today from Austin. I really didn't want to becuase I haven't drove anywhere in like a month, but I really need to start driving again. I can't wait till I get to go to Casa Ole again. I can't believe Austin doesn't have them here. That is like the stupidest thing in the world. I take that back. The stupidest thing in the world is that UT doesn't sell Dr. Pepper anywhere! How can they do that! If you ask any person our age what soft drink they would prefer, the majority of them would say that they like Dr. Pepper the best. My mom just woke up. I finally found one places on campus that has it though. The Union has Dr. Pepper at the Taco Bell. I haven't checked anywhere else yet. My dad is talking about this guy's truck that got stolen today. I can't believe that happened. They live in a pretty good part of town and nothing like that ever happens here. My dogs are fighting. I have two dogs, Milo and Brewser. Milo is a red beagle that is Brewser's son and he turned a year old May 15, 2004. Brewser is a black beagle that turns 11 on October 11, 2004. It's weird to think of their age. Milo is really crazy and Brewser is really calm. It probably is because he is so old though. I felt so stupid today in Biology. We had to work in these small groups and figure out these questions the teacher told us to do and for the first question, I sort of knew the answer but I didn't have it completely right. The second question was to figure out the hypothesis out of a group of statements but it was hard. When I was in high school we were always told to write a hypothesis in "If, Then" form. Meaning that this would be an example, "IF we put this together, THEN this should happen. " In this class though, its just a statement. No ifs. No thens. No questions. It just made me feel stupid cause I could pick the hypothesis out of the group. There there was the last question that she asked and I had no clue about it. All that really scared me though because I am afraid of not making it in Austin here at UT. Out of my high school we had 106 seniors. Out of those 106 there were 59 that went to college or went to some trade school or ARMY. Out of those 59, 35 went to aTm. I can't get over that. Only 2 of us came to UT and that is me and my ex boyfriend, Nathan. I am afraid of what all my aTm "friends" would say if I couldn't make it here. I really don't know what to talk about. I keep making all these stupid noises just because I can't think of what to say. My sister is now watching Who Wants to be a Millionaire and my dad just ate some M&Ms. My mom is out feeding Milo and Brewser. Oh, Milo is actually mine. I was too young for Brewser to actually be mine so he is actually my mom and dad's. Carol has a dog, ferret, and fish at her house in Temple. The dog's name is Bart. Carol is laughing at me because she is reading what I am writing and she thinks this is the stupidest assignment in the world. I have to say, that since I've been writing it, I have to agree. I think it's kind of cool, but I really don't see the point in having to write this all out. Well, I understand that it is cool to see how the mind thinks and how our brain processes information, but this sort of seems like a waste of time. Oh, well. I'm getting credit for it. Oh, I might get to go to my first concert pretty soon. I'm going to try to get to tickets to the Austin City Limits thing. Sarah and Gabby were telling me about it and while I was in class today they tried to go get tickets. Gabby got one but while Sarah was in line, they cut everybody off like 3 people in front of her. | high | high | low | high | high |
Right now I am sitting here. The washing machine is very loud. My nose is really stuffy. I really like that band brandston that I saw the othernight. they were really nice and really cool. I can't wait until I get to hang out with steven. I really missed him while I was in austin. stupid nose itches. I don't understand why randi and I seem to not be as close anymore. Its kind of sad. She has been my best friend for 5 years. Its really ironic that steven is now my best friend. who would have ever thought? "Don't come crying back to me. When you're lonely and all out of love" is a song lyric from brandston that is going through my head constantly causing me right now to basically only be able to think about that one specific song. Its a very nice song. Very simple, yet it manages to me a very interesting. I can't believe that I still have 17 minutes left to type. Its usually very hard for me to type stream of consciousnes, I've tried it before in a humanities class for some reason. I can't ever seem to really put what I'm thinking on paper. that's why its hard for me to write or keep a journal. I even lie to myself on paper. I wonder why. I also wonder why Mikey is the way he is with me. I can't believe I ran into him last night. He completely ignored me. That really hurts my feelings because we were really close. At least I thought so. I really need closure. I hate myself for not hating him. My nose is running again now. It's getting in the way of my typing. I am so stressed out right now about biology. The house is completely silent right now except for the washing machine. The dorm is never this quiet. I think maybe that's why I like the dorm. Because its loud. Ow, I just hit my ear that I just pierced. Its really sore. The pain only lasts for a split second though. Its not as hot here in amarillo as it is in austin. the weather here for labor day is perfect. I think I will go and walk my dogs. I just sneezed again. I am sick of sneezing. Stupid allergies. I need to print my chemistry notes and my chemistry homework. I also need to read chapters 3 and 4 for psychology. I am behind. I am so worried about my biology. I don't understand it and because of that I am not focusing as hard on my other classes. However, government should be easy. I've taken that class before. Psychology is fun, but I really do not know what to expect on my tests. I don't know how I will do in that class. I thought chemistry was easy, but apparently it isn't easy at all. someone is getting ice from the refrigerator. I can hear it. wow, does my mind really jump this much? that's really interesting. I guess I am sort of truly typing in a stream of consciencous. am I even spelling that right? I usually can spell. I feel like everyone else at UT is smarter than I am. I am not used to that. I'm always the smartest. No one here knows my reputation. no one knows that I am smart. But maybe I'm not smart. Maybe I am just lucky. My little puppy shinobi isn't eating anymore. Maybe its because of his shots he got yesterday. I really missed my dogs. zeb was very loving yesterday when he saw me. He licked me all over. I love dogs so much. but its ironic because my dogs aren't normal and don't show me the same amount of love dogs usually show people. other dogs like me more. just my luck. I had to explain what I am doing to my mom. this is all interesting. the fan is on now. my legs are cold. I think I'm sick. I want to listen to my new cd again. I can't believe that I got to talk to further seems forever and get put on the guest list for another show of theirs. too bad I didn't go. I can't believe mikey thought they were terrible when he saw them. oh well, he is probably just tying to be "emo" and all cool and is just saying that to be different and to fit in with the people that he holds up on a pedestool. why did I ever date a guy like that? and why am I still so attracted to such a stupid jerk? I hate people like him. why has he changed? my stomach is hurting now again. I don't like being sick. I need paper in order to print. and a USB cable. I hate that my printer doesn't work in my dorm. I brought it for nothing. I bought some new cartridge too. its all a waste. I can't return it. well for thanksgiving or something I will bring the printer home and have my dad try to fix it. being home doesn't feel like home really. just feels like I'm visiting. which is really what I'm doing. my nose is itching again, I think I am going to sneeze again. I feel like I've been typing for 2 hours. someone just opened something. I don't hear my dogs anymore. I wonder what they are doing. my stomach is still hurting. the air conditioner just turned on. I heard it. I don't usually hear these things. that's strange. my eyes are drooping. I'm tired. I haven't slept well for a couple days. Why does he hate me? I really wish I would just be brave and confront him. I always say I'm going to, and I really think that I am going to, but then I chicken out and if anything, I am extremely nice to him only to have him ignore me. further seems forever was so good the other night. the energy around me at the concert was so good. I was up in front. that was great. the new lead singer was great. I need to go to more places like that in austin. I just typed that sentence with my eyes closed. I am really falling asleep. my parents are talking. I can hear them. my dad is selling my car. that makes me sad because I really like my car. Even though I am getting a better car. | high | low | low | low | high |
I'm just sitting here in the library wondering if this semester is going to get a lot harder. Everyone of my friends is struggling in some way or another. I keep asking myself whether or not I'm am going to make it in my major. My major is petroleum engineering and its not exactly the easiest major. My friends say they don't know what I got myself into, but I keep telling them I'll be fine to not worry about me. When I say this I am just trying to reassure myself instead of trying to convince them that I will be fine. This library is all to silent I think I just want to make some noise but that would be wrong to mess up all these people who just feel there barely grasping the concepts of what they are doing. While I'm sitting in the library my mind keeps wondering whether or not I am going to make an A on the chemistry exam on Tuesday. I feel bombarded with chem and I don't know if I am going to be able to remember all three chapters. My mind keeps telling me that I will be fine that I just have to get used to it. High School was so much different than college in that you had to much time you didn't know what to do with it. That hasnt been my problem lately the only problems I have had all are about having not enough time. Every time I talk to my girlfriend back home, a senior in high school, I tell her to take advantage of having a lot of time on her hands because college is no where near as easy. I know older people had told me the same but I really never believed them and always felt as though they were exagerating. Oh yeah I am getting off topic but this library is just boring me. I feel that everyone is ahead of me on everything. I feel like they all grasp the ideas that I don't. In high school I was ahead of everyone of my friends but now it seems to me like all of my friends are ahead of me. Maybe that's just me overthinking. I can now smell some food as though somebody has brought something into the library. It smells like a piece of chocolate. Maybe it is a candybar of some sort. I don't really care because that smell kind of nauseates me. I am not a real big fan chocolate but I do love chocolate ice cream. Something about the sweetness is to much for me to endure. Lately I have been getting really home sick because of my girlfriend. I miss her very much and wish she would move up here right away. SHe is graduating a semester early from HS and is going to move to austin and attend ACC for the remainder of the year. I offered for her to move in with me and she said she would ask her parents. I hate to say it but her mom is a good for nothing lazy ass. Her father moved from italy to america in the early seventies with not a dollar to his name. The man now owns a 30 million dollar business that he started from nothing. He now works twelve hour days and then comes home to make a three course italian meal, not spaghetti out of the jar, for the whole family while the mom just sits on her computer or plays tennis all day. All she does is just bitcht at the whole family to do things. She is one of the most ungrateful people I have ever encountered in my whole entire life. People who have only met her once or twice do not agree because she puts on a show for them but I see the real her everyday. | high | high | high | high | high |
Wow, I haven' sat down and typed for 20 minutes in a long time. I guess we will see how it goes. The first thing on my mind is how great living in an apartment is. I love not having to deal with anyone such as parents, siblings etc. The main benefit to this is being to sleep late. Today I woke up at about 1 p. M. and didn't hear anyone tyring to wake me up like when I am back home. Anyways, life seems to be treating me preety well right now. I still miss my girlfriend, but I try not worry about it. I had become too dependent on her and I think I lost a sense of myself a little bit. Now I have plently of time to find myself again. The football game this week was a waste of time. I left in the second quarter when it was 33-0 because the sun was beating down right on my section and it sucked all energy I had right out of me. But, we won, so I'm not going to complain about that anymore. I just looked at the clock for the first time and its only at 6 minutes. It feels like I've been writing almost 20 m,inutes already. I bet its because I'm still tired. After this I'm going back to sleep for 2 or 3 hours and then I'll wake up and do some laundry. I hate laundry,but I guess it has to be done. I've let it pile up like and idiot and I probaly have 3 or 4 loads to do today. Let's see, the three day weekend was great, and what makes it even better is there's only 4 days of school until the next weekend. The more I think about the nap I'm about to take, the more drowsy I get. I absolutley love naps. There's honestly only a few things better than being able to sleep whenever you fell like it. The best time to take a nap is when you hae nothing to do and need to pass some time. Like after this. I know that's probaly not the best mentality to get the most out of life,but its not the worst. If I need to stay up, its no problem. In fact I'm tempted to just hit finish, go sleep and come back and do this but that would be just plain stupid. My apartment is a mess right now, but I cleaned the other day and my roommate had friends over last night, so its his turn to do some cleaning. I'm looking forward to some cold weather, because I can't stand sweating when I walk to class, which is what has happened about every day. Ok, four more minutes. I could do this all day and I'm sure eventually I would say or at least of something useful or interesting but I don't think its going to happen in the next 4 minutes. It sure as hell didn't happend in the last 16. But that's okay, because someone doing assignment is writing a great paper. In high school we had a english that made us do this kind of writing. Except we had to do it 4 times a week for a month. We were studying transcendenlism(sp?) which I personally is all b. S. Anyway we were supposed to find a quiet place in nature, go there every time a write for 20 minutes. I didn't go to my place one time and made up the entire project the night before. My grade:95. | low | low | low | low | low |
I just opened iTunes and chose to play Miles Davis's album called "A Tribute to Jack Johnson". The first song "Right Off" begins with a strong groove. this music first puts me into a pretty good mood. It motivates me to want to go to the gym or something and get a little exercise. Now the song is quieting down a little bit after a few bars and slowly building back up. Larry Coryell is on guitar I believe, if not I'm pretty sure it's John McLaughlin. Now Miles is playing. gosh. he's quite an impressive player. He's not showing off by playing a note every second. He takes it slow and builds up a good improvised melody. . and they're always good too. I'd like to choose the songs to play before class starts sometime, to give people a chance to hear very respectable music that most kids nowdays seem to neglect upon hearing, because of a difference in style from the popular, well-advertised music of the 90's and 00's. or otherwise some people aren't even given the chance to be exposed to it. My roommate just came in the room. Speak of the devil, eh? Take him for example. When I first met him and asked what he listened to, the first two things he said were "Metallica and Linkin Park". both of which I am not biased against or hold negative regard towards. Actually I find both bands to be quite interesting. I was exposed to Metallica and that very broad genre back around the days of middle school, and definately listened to it quite extensively. Side note: it's getting hot and I'm turning on the fan. Could this music and the pressure to write as fast as I can be causing my body to heat up? That could be quite interesting. Going back. I find it weird, well not weird but sad basically, that people like my roommate haven't heard and don't seem to be immediately open to new musical tastes. "new" meaning "previously unknown" as opposed to recently released. The song just phased into an ambient sound while Miles is playing over it. The drums, bass, and guitar have dropped out. When the jam comes back in. and here it comes. oh yes. Well done. Movement (change) in music I have realized (as a good explanation) is what creates uniqueness and good sound. Change can include any part of sound. pitch, tempo, tambre, etc. Now it's just the Bass and Miles. On this album is Billy Cobham on drums, Herbie Hancock is on keyboards. I'm not sure who the bass player is off the top of my head. My roommate is playing video games behind me. I understand his addiction. I used to play games all the time throughout middle and high school. I went to an Arts high school for music and sadly games distracted me from studying music and my academics. obviously I did well enough to get into UT, but sadly not well enough for my own standards, although I did not realize it at the time. I quit playing games during my senior year in high school, picked up some other bad habits, but since moving to Austin for school things have changed nicely, and although I'm not completely comfortable with the status of my lifes general direction yet, I guess I feel slightly better and more able to concentrate on the future. although the future is quite unexpected, otherwise I don't really know what I'm going to do. The song just dropped into a drum jam with a guitar riff running continuously over it. . and time's up. | high | low | low | low | high |
I am thinking about how to write this paper. I can't think of what to write. Jessica is putting papers in her notebook I am typing the ring around te logo is blue. the ring around the logo is blue. someone just entered I would rather be playing music. Andrew says goodnight 1 minute 58 seconds. I'm sort of hungry. I think writing this makes me more hungry. I have so much homework to do and other responsibilities. I wish I had no responsibility at this point in time. I'm worried about psychology because the content seems too easy to take a test on, suggesting I'm understanding the full realm of the content or the full realm of my responsibilities in this class although philosophy is worse. I cannot imagine being tested over anything in that class. Astronomy is just about the most difficult class I've ever taken because it's pure physics and not really learning about the general properties of celestial bodies. I've got a block. I need to write more songs, I haven't been able to write fully in over a year. but I could never be nearly as good as the Pixies so it seems frivolous to even try. water I'm beginning to drift off. I really need to do my homework more often I have way too much. I need a cellphone. I think I'm the only person in Austin with no cell phone. everyone assumes I have a cell phone. I can't even get long distance jessica just stuck her finger in my mouth. she didn't think I'd write that. or that. I'm almost halfway through. I'm sleepy. my girlfriend is sexy. Andrew offered to be her tutor. I'm running out of things to write about. the Pixies are the best band ever. bar none. they incorporate obscure time signatures and lyrics into the most influential sound ever, the only quesionable exception being the Velvet Underground. they were copied by many bands yet don't get credit for it. listen to Weezer's "The Sweater Song" and the Pixies "I Bleed". Weezer was even on their tribute CD. No coincidence. listen to any Nirvana song compared to any Pixies song. Nirvana usually gets the credit for creating the modern alternative genre, but it was the Pixies. the liars are pretty awesome too. same with fugazi. and the desaparecidos, even though bright eyes is conor oberst's creative offspring. but the best up-and-coming band is the unicorns. they're neat. 16 43. it's already nearly 12 o'clock. I don't want to go back to my room because my roommate is boring and I'll miss Jessica. and he'll want to go sleep when I come in, like he was waiting up for me. this is hurting my wrists. Party on the Plaza was a little dull. I realize that I can't truly ever write what I'm thinking because that requires me to give a physical aspect to something that isn't physical and the true meaning of what is being said is restricted to restraining par | high | low | low | high | low |
I love the movie Dirty Dancing. it is just a great movie. got to love patrick swayze. I got the crest white strips for my birthday. (not sure if it is an insult yet. Hehe)and they are pretty great. kind of make my teeth sore. But there is a price to pay for beauty. speaking of beauty. I burned my face! that makes me laugh. I was trying to use a curling iron, and got my fae instead. yep. What better than a burnt face?wow. Only 3 minutes have passed. Insane. I fell asleep at 7 in the morning yesterday because I am neurortic(or however you spell it). see. Over the summer I began watching queer as folk, and only got to the beginning of the second season, and at the moment, the show is in it's fourth. so. Having the luxury of high speed internet, I went to the website and caught up on the 40 episodes I have missed. and for every episode there were two video clips. And needless to say, I watched them all. it was amazing to see whathappened with the characters. they changed so much. I kind of hate watching shows because I get so attached to the characters. I feel they have an obligation to me to do the "right" thing. maybe that is why I am addicted to the young and the restless. I have been watching this soap opera since I was 6. Not Playing. kind of like a family tradition. my mom passed the torch on to me, and to this day I still record the show! I can't get enough of it. My brother tells me I am neurotic all the time. so I have a funny way of doing things sometimes. Doesn't everybody?. I like to eat the skins of pickles but only dill pickles. And I don't like to eat the seeds or membranes of a jalapeno. So what!. He makes me laugh. wow. Only ten minutes so far. Twenty minutes is a long ass time when you think about it. But not when you are watching a show. my mind goes to michael now. The "man" of my dreams. known him since sixth grade and never really got oever him. I think I think about him out of habit now. Who knows. He got me a dirty dancing poster for my birthday. That was incredibly sweet. my birthday activities revolved around dirty dancing. went to see the mr. Sinus people make fun of the move I love dearly. it was damn funny I'd have to admit. patrick swayze is fantastic. I would marry him right this minute. Well maybe not. I would marry "johnny" right this minute. I feel lonely. Never had a boyfriend. I know why. But we won't get into that just yet. probably never. I just want someone to think I am special. Someone to think I am cute. someone who will go out of their way to see me or just someone who really understands me. Wow. kind of makes me want to cry. I am a big brave dog. hehe. just a phrase me and my best friend use when we feel a little weak. the older I get the more I think about these things. wanting a companion. wanting a boyfriend. makes me feel unusual not having one. Never having one. but who knows. Maybe I will meet the man of my dreams tomorrow. Highly doubt it. But anywho. I find that now that I have less time. I want to get more out. This is very helpful. I wonder if I am pretty. From time to time I think I am, but then I see myself on an off day and realize why I have never had a boyfriend. I like john ritter. Love jack from three's company. would marry him in a heartbeat. maybe my standards are too high. I don't know. I know why . But that is another story. can't believe all this just came pouring out of me. Strange. I thought this would be difficult. I like this. A lot. I love the dirty dancing soundtrack. What a wonderful movie! there is none better. Maybe Hedwig and the angry inch. But dirty dancing will always come first. patrick swayze was my first love. if you can call it that. first one who mademe cry. | high | low | high | high | low |
I'm really happy I started my workouts today even though I feel awful right now. I need to get back in the shape I was before the marathon. I don't really feel like going out tonight at all but I have to go because I promised my friends. I'm not really big into parties I think they are sort of stupid I'm always really uncomfortable because I don't really know that many people except the guys they go with and I feel really weird just following them around. oh well it doesn't really matter I guess everyone there is drunk anyways I really want to go home this weekend and see zach I really miss him a lot I wish we could have both gone to the same school but we Couldn't. thanksgiving is really far away and I don't know if I can wait that long to see him. We have been friends so long it feels really weird not seeing him everyday there are some good things about being here I never have to see ross or trevor I hate those guys. I would like to lie and say they taught me something about myself balhaablaha but zach was right I never needed either or them. Dating zach is so weird but being friends first makes it more special. I really miss sharon I can't believe she is going into the army in two days israel is so far away and I can't believe I won't see her for two more years. kayla is at texas state with nathan and says she loves it I hope her and blake get back together she just loves him so much I feel bad that she's sad about them breaking up with him and I don't really know what to tell her. I miss the basketball team so much I have pat and kellan here with me but zach and maury and matt and nathan and dotun are so far away I hate it I guess maury and zach aren't that far away dallas isn't that bad. Its sad though I won't be able to go back and see ben and dipot and my brother play since my parents moved I'm sad I won't be able to go to reno with zach anymore but I guess he decided to stay home iwht me for christmas so Andrew and dotun will go by themselves without us christmas is going to be so fun with him I know zach feels like he will never mean as much to me as ross but I feel the same way about amy I think we both know what we have is different but I really don't like talkinga bout it with him I would rather just ahave fun together like we always do we know what we are to each other and I don't think we need to keep talking about it. I'm over ross for good this time same with trevor and no matter how many times they ask me I won't get back together with them I don't think zach believes me though I don't konw what I can do to make him no so insecure about us I don't know whatever hell figure it out eventually. Its hard to talk to him though I could never hurt him though I just know him to well everything about him we grew up together so I know all the things that hurt him and he knows all the things that hurt me so I don't know if I could ever accidentally hurt him or say anything that would make him sad because I know exactly what those things are. He knows those things about me too I think its better this way to know everything all the wounds a person has when you are with tthem there ar eno secrets between us because he was the person I always told me secrets to and he is still that person I go to so I don't understand why he thinks I will break up with him inever will he will have to break up with me because I refuse to hurt him I would never cheat on him eitheri love him too much and I respect him too much I think it is just awful when people cheat on each other I don't think its the worst thing you can do but it is still terrible you should care enough about the person to end it before you deliberatly hurt them that is just mean and selfish I don't think I could ever do that to anyone but especially to zach god I've tlaked about him way to much I think but who care nobody will probably ever read this I miss him a lot I think its weird what happened alst weekend going up to visit him will be awesome in two weeks I can't wait I miss him so much he is really starting to look like ben I | high | low | high | low | high |
Today was a long day. I have been going none stop on about four hours of sleep. Chemistry 301, I have found, is really kicking my butt. I made a seventy on the quiz, but I think I could have done a lot better. Tonight I'm going to go see Shrek 2 with Andres and the guys. I can't remember if it is any good or not, but I guess I'm going as an excuse not to do my homework. One day I will get around to reading chapter three in psychology. This weekend I'm taking Bethany to Oklahoma to go see Bradley and Jon for Brad's birthday party. Oklahoma City is such a far drive from here. I think that it will take me about seven hours to get there but then I have to drive another thirty or so minutes to Edmund for the actual party. I'm going to meet Mom Sunday afternoon on the way home for a nice home cooked meal. I haven't had one of those for so long. Well, actually Tim's mother cooked us fajitas and lasagne last weekend when we went to Mexico, but that is not the same as my mom's cooking. After the UNT vs. UT game on Saturday, which might I add we kicked their butt, about eight of us loaded up and decided to go to Mexico spur of the moment. Tim's parents have a house in Laredo. His dad works for A&M International University as an athletic director. Hmmm. I am running out of things to talk about now. October 8th, is the Aubrey homecoming football game and my friend Niki has to crown this year's queen so I'm going home for the weekend to see everyone. I miss everyone a lot but I don't as much as I thought that I would. High school was great but college is so much better. Although, I would have to say that even though I was the valedictorian and I didn't have to study that much in high school, college is so much more difficult. I think I'll probably change my major a few times too. I know for sure that I want to do something in the medical field with children but I have no idea what I want to major in before I get there. And would my phone quit freaking beeping at me so I can finish this assignment! Ok its just Andres wanting to know if I am going to watch Shrek 2 at Jester tonight at 8. I wish that I could have went to party on the plaza today but I had so much to do it was nearly impossible. I had a TIP mentor meeting at 5, which is when my last class ended but I had to cut that an hour in a half short to go to a TIP seminar that was about notetaking. Now how boring is taking notes about notetaking. That is almost as bad as the seminar I have to go to three times a week. Critical thinking is thinking about thinking. YUCK! Couldn't the writers of the book think of something just a little more creative than that. I mean who wants to sit in lecture first thing in the morning and listen to a speech about what it means to be a critical thinker. Anyways, then I left the notetaking seminar early to go to Women in Medicine. The speaker there talked about how she had a stroke and was no longer allowed to drive and her vision was now impaired. I couldn't imagine having my driving privledges taking away from me and not being able to see. I have 20/20 vision right now but that doesn't mean that I'm a good driver. I have fallen asleep at the wheel twice in two weeks. Two weeks ago I went to Dallas to go see my friends in a band and I ended up staying in Waxahachie until 8 in the morning. When I was coming home the next day I stopped and got coffee before I headed out but sure enough about thirty minutes later I dozed off. I had to stop at a truck stop and sleep in my car for awhile. I can't believe I keep doing that. It is so dangerous and just last week a girl from my home town died in a car wreck when she was coming home and hit a tree. My Dad called this weekend, which is odd considering he just decided to flee last Christmas and not tell anyone where he was going. He said he had a dream about me and he was just making sure I was ok. I'm not sure if that was an excuse to talk to me or if he really had a dream. The reason why I wonder that is this past year all my dreams have been coming true and it is so weird. If he had a dream about me that was bad will it come true too? Maybe it is a weird genetic thing and we have dreams that foretell the future. . just kidding. Ok well here is the countdown. I only have about 30 more seconds to type so any second now it is going to stop me. Ok my time should be about up now. Yeah ok I'm done. . The End! | low | high | high | high | low |
So I'm glad that this assignment is like this beacuse I love journaling and writing my thoughts down. I must have had the most unluck day ever today, and now my mom is mad at me! That sucks. Such is life!! Oh well. I hope that I do well in this class beacuse I really need to boost my gpa up this semester. I can't wait to get my papa john's pizza, I am so hungry. Man I can't wait for Dele to get here tomorrow too. I miss him so much. he kind of pissed me off today though because when I was telling him about my crappy day he had to get off the phone with me. Well I giess I really shouldn't be that pissed off. I'm sure I have done it to him numerous times. that's why I like him, he put up with my BS. Wow its only been three minutes. I don't know if I can keep typing for 20. this is actually harder than I though. my mind is totally blank right now. Well actually its not because if it was then I would be thinking anything, but I an think about how my mind is blank. so it's really not blank. Ok I think I'm making things a little complicated. oh my goodnes there is this weird noise coming from somewhere in my room. ughhhh these stupid dorms. . Mann I got to a lot of homework to do tonite. Well at least I'm getting one thing done. That's good. la la la. This is getting kind of old. I have about 13 minutes to go, whoops there is the phone I have to go get my pizza is ready. I hope I don't get counted off for this. Man I'm excited about this pizza. Mmmmm can't wait. Man I'm really excited to eat this pizza. Its going to be so good. Man the smell of it makes my mouth water. I'm going to keep writing a little more since I had to go get my pizza. I wonder if my mom called me back. I really don't want her to be mad at me because she gives me allownace on friday. Man that's bad for me to think that. but I was just kidding though. Man I love chicken pizza. Its so good. Man that was I pretty cool assignment. I think I'm going to like psych class!! | high | low | high | high | high |
I am so ready to go home and see my family and friends. I have never really ever been by myself for this long. It would not be so bad if I had at least one familiar face around but I really don't. I am trying to get to know my roommates better but I guess it is not the same as knowing people and going to school with them for years. In my small town we will be friends forever but here I am not so sure. I really hope I can get involved with the church here. I think that will help a whole lot. I want to be involved in a spirit organization but the whole "lets get drunk at every social event" really bugs me. Why can't people just have good clean fun? I love the team and the school but I can have a great time supporting them without getting drunk, high or having sex! Anyway I am looking forward to seeing the familiar. I love it here and am gload I came but I am looking forward to next weekend. I am really ready to see aron and my other friends. This has been the longest we have been separated. I pray though that if we can make it being apart that we will be together forever. I love him so much. We can talk about anything. It is great. We share so many things in common. He loves God and that means the most to me. It is a real balanced relationship. Wow I cannot believe it has only been 7 minutes. It feels like an eternity. I have so many other things to be doing like spanish and reading for other classes. I am kind of nervous aout my classes. My major is Spanish and I am not so good at it yet. Hopefully it will come with more practice. Wow this retreat this weekend with the church is going to be great. I cannot wait. I am so ready to be around people and meet people. I want to build good lasting relationships instead of just aquatances. It is kind of lonely with just saying "hi how are you?" and then nothing past that. O well. I hope I am doing well in school. I don't just want to be here, I want to thrive here. I want to be the best that I can be with everything I do. I want to be proud of myself and I want others to be proud. I like having lectures and tests as apposed to homework, quizzes and tests. But then again, if I mess up on a test it will be hard to get my grade back up. I am shooting for A's but one or two B's would not be awful. But I am studying for A's. I need to start working out. I have been sick though but I need to start again. Maybe someone might like to go with me. It is always better with someone else. I am looking forward to be married, hopefully to aron, becuase we can do these things together becuase we both enjoy the same things. I also wish Josh was here, it would be so much easier. Hopefully he will get into college here and we can hang out more together. He is like a brother to me and will always be. I really miss him. Hopefully he will call back but I guess I will just call him again. Well these are all the things I have been thinking about for the past couple of weeks. I think about these things all the time and just think it has only been 16 minutes. I wish all writing assignments were this easy. I need to sign up for more experiments so I don't get behind. I also need to do some passoffs. Hopefully if I study them well today I can do one tomorrow and one thurs and then one friday and the only have 12 left. That would be good. I wonder who is all coming home for homecoming? probably most people. I love my little town. I would not trade it for the world. Those that have lived there their whole lives don't appreciate it as much as I do but they will some day. I am really glad my mom married walter and that we moved there. I like it that I live here cause my dad visits a lot. My family is awesome. They do so much for me and I thank God I have them. You know another thing that bugs me about here is that so many people are liberals. What is this world coming to? I am so voting for Bush! | high | high | high | high | low |
Great! Just GREAT! I already typed for ten minutes and this thing loses everything I wrote! GERRRRRRRR! Oh well. This isn't so bad. So. Let's seee. oh that's right. My eating disorder. Okay. I completely understand this freshmen 15 deal. because I, regretfully, am a victim. Yes, I, Maria Truong, cannot stop eating. So scary. I'm assuming that this is evidence of my subconscious depression that all freshmen are supposedly subjected to. Huh. Makes sense. I suppose. Hmmmm. wwwweeelll. I'm am also allergic to Austin. I can't stop sneezing! I think that perhaps my nose hasn't yet adapted itself to all this clean air as oppose to the humid smog of the one and only Houston. Where are all these symptoms coming from?! So college isn't so bad. Definitely a lot more freedom. The first week wasn't so bad. Must've been all the excitment. But by the end of the second week. I was craving junk food and missing home. I'm better now by the way. After we went home for Labor Day Weekend and I am all stocked up on junk food. smiles. Dang it! Stupid fly! Shoo fly! Don't bother me! Okay. So school is definitely killing me. Too much to read and my lack of study habits definitely needs polishing. But seriously though. I'm a true nerd. I even have the thick-rimmed glasses. :) Wow. Twelve minutes. Almost thirteen. How many pages is this double spaced on Word? A page maybe? Wow. It sure does take me a long time to write stuff. No wonder it took me forever to finish those english papaer! FULL of nonsense. Hmmm. So glad I don't have english this year. Hey! My twenty minutes went by pretty fast! Wahoo! Notice how I've painstakingly wrote all this gramatically correct? Well, at least I got the caps and punctuations down. Go me. I can't wait until Christmas. My favorite season! Big surprise! Summer's fun but winter wins hands down! So I wanted to work so I could make my own money instead of bumming off my parents all the time. But all this reading is too much! I'm STILL behind. Its funny how I'm actually trying to study now when I wasn't much of a studier in high school. Huh. My thoughts are random. oh well times up! | high | low | low | low | high |
hi I guess I'm supposed to be thinking about what to write for the next 19 minutes and 20 seconds, I will start with charlie my boyfriend of one month exactly today. long distance thing is working out ok, I may be falling in love with him but then again he is going to be a cop and I always said that I shouldn't marry a cop and he doesn't have a job right now so he can't take me out that often. does him not having a job make him lazy? I'm not quite sure, when I was like 14 I made a list of the basic things that my future spouse should have I wonder where I put that or if he would fit into any of the standards I set for my self. he is the best guy I have dated so far, as far as how he treats me and respects me so I'm doing all right for myself. I wonder what casey is doing never mind she just walked in she says this asignment sucks and I agree maybe I will sue you all for giving me carpal tunnel syndrome casey is leaving again, what a freak not really she is a cool girl. I just ate so much food added up I had a fajita and a cup of chicken enchillada soup and an ass load of chips and queso, I'm sure that I am the most gigantic person on the planet what if I get heartburn from that queso. I am experiencing the sickness brought on by the lull in my immune system brought on by the stress we talked about today in your class, yes pennebaker, we do listen and you are quite entertaining, hope I don't forget to read the entire semester, but at the rate I'm going that's what will happen, I wonder if you are married or if you ever date your students. god bless your students if so. just kidding. I can't believe that I am not going to have sex for like an entire month. this is craziness. I usta me borderline nympho. just kidding again. hmm what shows am I missing on tv for this assignment, and are you all actually going to read these assignments, I wonder if anyone writes a suicide letter in this or like confesses to a crime. I stole a pen out of a lisa frank stationary set at walmart last year, but half the stuff was missing out of it anyway and the pen was the best thing left, I think its somewhere in my car there's lots of crap in my car, I need to clean it good and I need to have it washed the leaves from the tree I park under are fucking up my paint. my mother would slap me if she heard me say fucking up anything. hmmm. deep breath I have gone 12 min 52 seconds so how much longer do I have? I suck at math, I have another homework in there. and I hate homework. I don't really consider this homework, ugh the word homework really gets to me oh yeah I now have lets see, 6 minutes and something, gee where is that lighter I'm not going to be able to smoke for like until I find it. after staring at this screen for 20 whole minutes I'm going to have a headache and ah, the thought of being with my boyfriend, that's what they are talking about on tv that would be great I miss him I wonder. did I already write about how I wonder what you all are thinking about what I'm writing. I seem pretty neurotic. this is a fairly easy asignment. what lawyer should I use to sue you all for this? not that I actually would or that I have grounds to sue. 3 minutes, three is my lucky number. uh. my fingernails need fixing. two. broken. what's a girl to do? and to think that I don't have a nail girl to go see and I'm freaked out by the oriental people to do my nails, so I'm pretty much screwed. count down-- 1 minute! yay I guess I will be seeing you all around hope you enjoyed this tour through 20 minutes in my brain. its scary I know. alright then I love charlie!!!!! I can call him now he will be so pleased. !!!!! bye | low | low | high | low | high |
Right now I am sitting here typing, with the tv on in the background and I am feeling very tired. I think this is because I didn't get nearly enough sleep last night. Why didn't I get enough sleep, you ask. Well I don't know. I usually go to bed sometime before eleven, or sometime right before twelve and sometimes after twelve. I guess you could say between 11 and 12, right? Yeah. And I start my day somewhere around 7:30. That is NOT NEARLY enough sleep. But what's funny is this is the only time of day when I feel really lethargic: around 5 or six o clock. Maybe it is biological. Maybe we all feel tired at certain points according to our bodies. I think there should be a law that we all have to take siestas in the afternoon like they do in Mexico. That seems glorious. Not to mention it's good for you! You are more refreshed and able to handle tasks more efficiently and with more energy. Even as I type I can feel myself drifting off. Do not fall asleep. Do not fall asleep. Oh great. I pressed a wrong key and now the time started over. I had two minutes of typing under my belt. That's beautiful, just beautiful!!! I think I will just sit here and make up for that time. Doop de doop. Doop de dooooop. . . . . . Well, I'm very glad it's Friday tomorrow. Not that it makes much of a difference, but still. I can sleep in on the weekend, that's a big deal to me. I'm not sure what I'll do with the weekend. Probably catch up on reading for classes. I'm really concerned about that. I've been slacking off a bit and that's just awful, classes have only been in session for what, just two weeks or something. Yuck. I'm such a procrastinator. Well, I don't know what else to talk about. This is boring and I'm getting bored just doing this because I'd rather be napping. Not to mention the clock says only 3 minutes and I KNOW the true time should be somewhere around five!!!! Here, this is entertainment. I will type out a poem completely from memory. Ladies and gentlemen, The Road Less Traveled by Robert Frost: Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and sorry I could not travel both and be one traveler, long I stood and looked down one as far as I could to where it bent in the undergrowth then took the other as just as fair and having perhaps the better claim because it was grassy and wanted wear though as for that the passing there had worn them really about the same and both that morning equally lay in leaves no step had trodden black oh I saved the first for another day yet knowing how way leads on to way I doubt if I shall ever come back I shall be telling this with a sigh somewhere ages and ages hence two roads diverged in a wood and I, I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference. What a beauty of a poem, no? I've always liked it. Don't remember why I had to memorize it. probably for a class way back in middle school. Some people have told me they don't understand the last line. I just feel secret annoyance towards them. What's there not to understand?! It's clear as a bell, people! I like Robert Frost. Here's another one I know called Fire and Ice: Some say the world will end in fire Some say in ice From what I've tasted of desire I hold with those who favor fire but if it had to perish twice I think I know enough of hate to say that ice is also great and would suffice I also like Stopping by Woods On a Snowy Evening, the one that ends "And miles to go before I sleep. " Yep. Also that poem called Nothing Gold Can Stay. Why do I know so much about Robert Frost you ask?! Heck you got me. I don't even know. I just think his poems are nice. What other poets do I like. That's a good question. I have no idea. Well, that's probably not true, but I can't think of any at the moment. In Decathlon in school we studied lots of poems, by Langston Hughes and Sylvia Plath and Robert Frost (a really bad one, though) and George Meredith and lots of other peeps. Some of them were cool, some were most definitely not. I think I will write a poem of my own, right here, right now. I call it "The Cat Came Home". The Cat came home and he thought he was there to stay but what he didn't know was that the owners had moved away They left the lights on They left dishes in the sink The Cat came home and in a swift minute didn't know what to think Should I stay or should I go The Cat asked himself that day What should I do about this What should I say? Well The Cat found no answers just an empty litter box So he said, Eh who cares and tore up all the socks Maybe I should get that one published! Well my time is almost up thank goodness, so I should think of an appropriate end to this free writing assignment, a summation if you will. This was mainly about poems and poets and the unsolved mystery of why I don't get enough sleep. Yep, that's all. Nothing too exciting. And what do you expect. There is absolutely nothing worthwhile on TV at this moment. | high | low | low | low | high |
My thoughts are everywhere right now I am thinking about getting my computer fixed because it has a virus. I need to sleep that is the biggest change for me in college is the late nights and busy days I am used to busy days from high school but not the late nights. It is strange but interesting and fun being semi independent I have another late night tonight that I am not quite ready for but it is my pledge line for KA which will be another consumer of much of my time but it should be very fun once pledgeship is finshed I am looking forward to getting to meet and become close with my pledge brothers because being from a smaller town I don't know as many people as a lot of folks down here but I didn't want go to school with all my old high school friends really because I wanted to meet new people I do miss my best friedn though he is somebody I could always talk to trip out with and just we knew what we are thinking without having to say anything it is strange not having a best friend down here right now and its tough because it takes lots of time and lots of escapades and wild nights bad times good times high school sports all those things made us great friends and now I have to try and make some more friends like that here in austin my roommate just left and I am still trying to make my decision about that situation he is an alright guy but he is not really the type of person I see myself spending lots of time with but I am sure I will being roommates and joinin the same fraternity but I always look at it as it could be a lot lot worse. lost my train of thought sorry I'm having trouble focusing today I feel very out of it but I've got class in a while so I won't be able to take a nap I think I am getting sick and rundown hopefully I can shake this little congestion I have but with all the new stress in life these days I don't know how well that will work out I'm not feeling to great at all sometimes I wonder if UT is the right place for me and that is just a backand forth thought cause some days it is and some times when its a bad day I wish I was back home in my own bed with dog I miss her haha that sounds so cheesy haha but she is a good dog and she always will cheer you up I can hold a thought today it seems like I feel like I am being random but some how I feel like I keep saying the same things I am not looking forward to walking to class I don't like that very much and I get to search for the computer shop to drop my laptop off to get this virus taken care of that is a pain I feel like I havent met enough people yet I want to be more outgoing but I am naturally more of a quiet person I enjoy listening and watching other peoples behaviors and stuff I like to feel people out and get a sense of who they are before I just start relaxing around them I try to be assertive and approachable and outgoing but that doesn't always go so well and people take my quietness in the wrong way it is often seen as me being stuck up angry rude and that drives me crazy but all I can do is be who I am | low | high | low | high | low |
I enjoy doing writing assignments liek these. You get to write about just about anything that pops into your mind. the bad part about this type of assignment is when you really don't have anything to think about or when you have a brian fart. I wounder just how my performance in this class is going to be. Whether I will do poorly in the class or good or just average enough to pass the class. But among those thought, I also wounder how this semester is going to go. I hope that I am going to be able to do well enough to bring my GPA up so that I am able to get more scholarships fo next year. Man, when I notice what I am thinking about, I notice that I really think about things that may affect me in certain ways. Like doing homework for my classes or whether or not I'm going to have enough money to pay my rent or my cell phone bill or my other bills. But as I take the time to think, I feel that I will be forced to get another job so that I will be able to afford all this new responseablity that I have taken on. Its not always easy to write exactly what your thinking about a certain time. But right now its hard for me to do anything when all I'm thinking about it how bad I feel right now. Right now I have a stuffed and runny nose, and I am also sore from working out on wensday. It hurts for me to walk up the stairs or to strech out of to even lift up anything heavy. I think I worked myself out a little too much, I feel that I tried to push myself a little more then I should have since it was my first day working out since last semester. I think I screwed myself by not continuing to workout over the summer break. All I did was work to pay off some of my bills that I acquired over last semester for books and other various reasons. Its funny how when you set yourself to doing something and son't pay attention to the time, time really seems to fly by. Take this assignment for example. I started to write what I was thinking and now that I look at how long I've been writing, I've noticed that I have already been writing for a little over 16 minutes now and it does even seem like it. It merely seems like I've been writing for about 5 minutes. If all the assignments were like this one, I bet pretty much every one would do good, cause its not hard to talk about what your thinking about at a particular time. You can just about write about anything you want, whether it is a event happening in your life or just something you feel like getting off your chest, all you have to to is merely just type it in and be able to get it off your chest and get a grade while doing it too. | low | high | low | high | low |
I havent really decided what to write about. so many things are going on in my head all the time it seems like I could write for a very long time. I do that though, I have a journal and its handy. I like to go back and read what I write and think to myself 'what an idiot'. its a learning experience really, and I hope more people use journaling to express themselves. Some people use online journals which at first I thought was odd because I write personal stuff in my journal. I wouldn't want the internet world to read all that. but then I started reading my friend's online journals and actually started one myself. Katie calls me a follower but she is a conforming nonconformist in that she claims she's not starting one because everyone else has done so and she'd like to be different. That reminds me of George, he is the classic conforming nonconformist. he hates anything anyone likes and loves anything anyone hates. especially lauren. their relationship is odd in that way. George makes a point of emphatically disliking something just to spite the rest of us. he is an interesting person to study. I am always observant but observing him is just interesting. he's like a girl and I swear he has PMS. we went on a trip to kentucky this summer and he decided he didn't want to go to the lake with the rest of the group (david and I didn't want to either) so the three of us stayed in the condo and played golf actually. but then the next day, he still didn't want to go and he made a big scene about it and then got all huffy when we Couldn't decide on a thing to do when it started raining and the lake was deemed a bad idea. he just left. he drove off in one of the two cars we had and was gone for a long time. the funny thing about chris is that he wants you to think he's cool. so he'll do and say things to seem cool and crazy. he went to a grocery store and was talking to some local teenagers and claims he was invited to go hang out with them that night. I don't know if I belive him but I really don't care. the point is that later he claimed that he 'might' go hang out with them like he was mr. popular. of course he wasn't really and the way to deal with him in his pouty state is to ignore him or somehow let him know that you don't care. He is such a confusing boy. I mean, they're all confusing but he takes the cake. having liked him before, I knew what I was getting into the last time. and the time before that. his biggest relationship flaw is that he is so flaky! so now I feel bad like I'm just judging everyone I know. grr. that's a noise I make, I make many of them. I make many faces too. at work john laughs at me because I can't control my expressions. especially if someone says something dumb. I just can't hold it in. my moms the same way. I wonder if that's learned or inherited. anyway. speaking of mom, my parents moved to florida in feb. and march. it was ok at first because I was of the opinion that I was getting an apartment so I wouldn't be living with them and wouldn't see them much anyway. but man I was wrong. I visited them in may and felt unusually emotionally detached. while I was there dad did the same annoying things he's always done, not listening, asking questions I'd just asked etc. drove me nuts. but now I miss them a lot. I was listening to Avril Lavigne and she has a song called nobodys home. and I realized that I have no where else to go. this apartment is my home now and man that's depressing. the kitchen is dirty, the floors are dirty, we need to steam clean, lauren and katie are bums and it took them 4 days to clean out MY cooler from saturday which now reeks because they left food in there to soak. people would call this bitterness. I like to claim that at least I'm expressing an emotion instead of keeping it all inside like I tend to do. I took one of those personality surveys online the other night because neal showed me the website. it said I was an ESTP? I think. anyway, part of it said that I would tell people what I think. I don't know how correct that is because I am usually the person with enough tact to not say mean things and well pretty much ALL my friends will say crap. Jill is the most tactless, when she and sean got together I was quite angry. and still when I think about it I get angry at her. why not at him? I don't get that. but when I typed his name I accidentally wrote sew. I am thinking about buying myself a sewing machine because I keep thinking of things. like today as I walked across campus I was thinking of different shirts and 'textiles' to make. I've wanted to do stuff like that for a while but I just. didn't. and now, even though I'm busy with papers to write etc, I really want to get creative. Lauren's sewing machine is here still but it didn't work very well. I can't remember how badly it ran but I should probably check that before I buy one. I don't know how much they'll cost either. I think $150 at walmart? but I don't want a plastic one. I'm sure I could break it and I'd rather have machinery than plastic. I think I should inheirit mom's old one and she can get a new one. but I said that once and she said no way. whatev. I'm tired. I tried to go to bed by midnight again but it ended up to be 130 I think. I don't remember exactly but 6 or less hours of sleep sucks. and I've been doing it for days. that's probably not good. another thing that's probably no bueno is that I HATE my job. and this isn't like the first year I worked at culvers and I was just a lazy bum. I am good at my job, I do it well, I used to enjoy serving customers. but now it has been REALLY hard to make myself go. and its not like I'm just going to call in sick, I just don't want to go. I want to hit almost all of my coworkers, the guys that hit on me and our dumb new manager. I don't get why he thinks he can change everything right when he gets here without learning how the business works in the first place! and he's weirdly energetic. and since lauren and david have told me the same, I know I'm not the only one whos creeped out by it. well goodbye my 20 min were up a few sentences ago. | high | high | low | low | high |
Hi. My name is Shanique Annette Roberson. Usually when I have to write something I like to introduce myself first. I did not prewrite this I promise. I was born November 27, 1985 (the day before Thanksgiving). I am now 18 years old and am excited about being in the college of engineering at the University of Texas at Austin as a Biomedical engineering major. I love to play sports (volleyball, softball, and track), write poetry, praise dance! and enjoy nature. Some things that I would like to do before I leave Austin or before I graduate college are to go horseback riding again (preferably, to take horseback riding lessons), to go kyacking ( I don't have a clue right now as to how to spell this word), to go parasailing with a friend of mine and to visit the capitol and some of the musuems in the city. I would also like to get involved in a good service organization. I love service and helping other people. Oh! About my family. I am the daughter of Lee and Nancy Roberson of Bay City, TX. I have one older sister, Joyce Evette Roberson. My father works for a nuclear plant, my mother is a teachers aide, and my sister is in the U. S. Navy. She (my sister) has been overseas twice (yes, to Iraq as well--she said that where she was wasn't that bad at all). She has now been restationed to florida. This makes me really nervous sometimes because we are predicted to have a pretty bad hurricane season this year and many of them hit florida. She picked a bad state to go to. Anyway, I told my sister that she could go wherever she wanted as long as I could come and visit at least once (ha! Like I could really decide where she would go. I just thought I'd try it). She would have flown me to Iraq to go see the sites and to go see the pyramids in Egypt but my mom wouldn't let me go. She didn't want the both of us over there. However, I plan to go visit in Florida either during Christmas break or Spring Break. My thoughts have now shifted to the Wells family. This is a family or couple that I meet on a plane my eighth grade summer. I had gone to National Baptist Conference in Florida and was flying back to houston by myself. They told my god-mother, who was with me before the flight, that they would keep an eye on me. When we got to houston we exchanged info and said we would keep in touch. Now, usually when this happens, people don't really keep in touch but in this case we have kept in touch for over 4 years now. We send each other cards, call each other and all that good stuff. I think that that is just amazing. What esle to talk about???? OK I am just getting words now. (Friends, other homework, love,Oh) Let me tell you about the home I would like. I was raised in a somewhat country area and I came seem to get awat from that. I would like to build a big country house with a large bay area window, sunlight roof in the kitchen or some area of the house, maybe a lake, and I know that I want horses, dogs, and cats. I don't know why but this picture always comes into my head when I think of what I want my future home to look like. Also I have to have a porch that goes all the way around with at least one swing on it and most definitely atleast one walk in closet. I don't know exactly where I would like this house but I think I would like it to be somewhere in TX. Time is almost up and this is about all that I can think of right now anyway so bye and I will see you next time. The one and only. | high | high | low | high | low |
I really do not feel homesick at the moment. Today a lot of my sorority sisters were feeling so sad because they miss their families and everything at home. In a way I do feel like I miss my mom and my dogs and Dallas in general but I am having too much fun in Austin. More and more parties and events filled my calender as the week progressed and eventually I just got sick. Literally. I felt like I was spinning in bright lights and feeling more and more nauseated by the second. As soon as I started feeling that way, I realized the true comfort of home that I do miss a lot. Today I ended up waiting at the health center for two hours by myself and I really wanted my mom to be sitting there. I felt really independent which I liked, but I also felt lost. I had no support and I feel like it will be hard to not feel so sick with out my mom. On another note, I am getting scared about this whole freshman fifteen thing. I am eating cereal at the moment and it is ten o'clock at night. It seems crazy to me. Hopefully all of the walking to class will clear off the extra pounds. I feel so terrible right now. I am so thirsty and my mouth is super dry. The doctor told me that my lymph nodes are swollen which scared me because they feel like they are going ot explode. My room mate will not stop humming and it annoys me as I write this. And all of her online music is driving me up the wall. It is getting so hard to concentrate on this paper. I am about to start getting ready for bed also because I am super tired. I really don't want to go to my 8 30 class in the morning. Do you know how early that is? I am not looking forward to it. I hope the class is fun. It is about fashion design which interests me but I heard it is really hard and has a lot of projects. I finally got water. I am so excited. I really like the way my room is decorated. It is all pink and orange accessories and it is super cute. Ow. It really hurts to drink this water because of my nodes. Ouch. The doctor told me to inform her in case of that but I had not had a problem really. My forehead itches. I feel like I am complaining a lot as I am nonstop writing but I guess it has just been a really rough day. I really love UT though, I am having such a great time. It makes me laugh that you will probably not be reading this until I am on my deathbed. That will be funny. I bet this writing is really bad but I am just following the rules. This constant humming is really annoying me now. I have already told her to stop once but she keeps on humming. Oh well, I can not let it annoy me because we are best friends and room mates and all. This is going ot be an awesome year. I can not wait till the time gets rolling. I really feel like brushing my teeth. I can still taste my Frosted Flakes. Gross. I have to remember to take all of my medicines for the night. I always forget little but important things like that. I also felt like putting on a facial mask to help my skin out. My skin seems to be really sensitive to weather and location changes. It kind of weird like that. Well my time is almost up. I feel like even though I am thinking about things, I can not really decifer what I am hearing inside my head. It is kind of weird. My room mate is staring at me trying to make me laugh, but the good student I am, I am trying to resist laughing. Well, I am about to go to sleep and my time is almost up so good night. | high | high | high | high | low |
No what do I write about?I'm typing in a computer lab,and I'm surprised there are only a few people in here. It is cold in this computer lab. It has gotten a lot colder in the past few days. I have a quiz in chemistry and I need to study. My roommate must be wondering where I am. Its really different in college. I have a meeting at 7 tongiht, I need to study for my quiz. THere is a bunch of paper next to my desk, I wonder who left it. The girl next to me is typing a paper, and another girl just walked in the computer lab. She is wearing a red shirt. I need to eat before the cafeteria closes. It closes really early. The computer next to me keeps turning on and off by itself. Someone else walked into the computer lab. He is wearing a blue shirt and jeans. The screen of the computer to my right is green. The room is starting to feel colder. I need to get my jacket. There are noises outside the lab, it sounds like a bunch of girls. I just submitted my math homework and made a 100. I wonder if I misspelled any words in this. I am feeling overwhelmed as I think about all the quizzes I have thursday and friday, and I still haven't gotten my calculus book. I started to feel sick today, maybe because of the change in weather. I need to get some sleep. This room is really quiet. I see people walking outside of the computer lab. I wish I could go home this weekend. I kind of miss my family, but it is nice here too. I really like my apartment, I need to wash dishes. Someone left the computer lab and knocked something over. Someone walked in with a green shirt. I wonder how to drop this yoga class I was put in. Maybe I could stay in it. It might be easy. I feel really stressed about school, I hope I can get a 4. 0, I really like my biology and chemistry and psychology classes,they are interesting. Only 5 more minutes. I need to run tonight. Its getting darker outside. Its almost 6. THe cafeteria closes at 7:30. I'm feeling tired, but I have so many things to do. and I need to get some medicine. I wonder what my roommates doing, probably watching tv. Real Worlds on tonight. I wonder what my quiz will be like tomorrow. I hear people talking outside. | low | high | low | low | high |
wow this assignment seems pretty easy for a homework assignment. unfortunately I was unable to find the OPERA page for the prescreening, so I am now doing my homework although it's actually due friday. I should not procrastinate. I need to go to with my roommate to eat at j2 tomorrow at 12:30, instead of at kinsolving. I like kinsolving better than j2 but the food isn't too bad either. my girlfriend is online right now and talking to me, I wonder what her I'M box says while it flashes on my computer monitor. I will go click on it now and check. she was wondering what I had to write about for psychology class. I told her I had to write my stream of consciousness for 20 minutes. I'm starting to run out of things to say for this thing, although my mind is constantly thinking and putting material for me to write on this. wow it's only been 3 minutes so far, I still have a long way to go. I really can't think of anything to write in here. I wonder if I should capitalize all the 'I's in this thing or now, or whether grammar matters at all. oh my girlfriend IMed me again I think I'll go look at what she has to say. she has to go practice chinese for her class. hmm only 4 minutes now, I don't' think I can write for another 16 minutes. I wonder if I can just stop writing right now and just turn it in at the end of the 20 minutes. but wow this thinking is actually still providing material for me to write in this thing. stil a lot of time left, my hands are starting to get fatigued, and my contacts are drying up. it's getting late and I'm getting tired at the same time. should I go to my math class tomorrow or not. my roommate is playing a really loud tv show, it appears to be star trek enterprise, I can't really concentrate with it playing in the backgrond. I am really tempted to watch it though, instead of writing this thing, but I suppose I should write this anyway. I want to take a shower too, but I can't because I have to write in this thing for another 13 minutes. the reptilians will take their place. Says the tv show. I want to watch the show now I think I will. my roommate is pouring water into a cup and drinking from it. my body is a bit sore from working out at gregory earlier this evening. I also have a canker sore in my mouth and it does hurt a little. I think I will ask the psychology teacher tomorrow about the prescreening thing. I wonder if I'm spelling tomorrow correctly. I think I will go on to dictionary. Com and check. it appears I have spelled 'tomorrow' correctly after all. I'm satrting to just space out while writing this thing, and getting rather tired. I like playing espn football 2k5. I usually beat my friend matt in it, but not my friend philip. I have been playing for the past two hours, maybe that is why I am tired now. I wonder if my girlfriend is done studying her chinese yet. I'm going to go check her profile. she is still away. I want a glass of water, I think I will go pour one for myself. I found a bottle of ozarka that I got from my friend so I am drinking out of that. my roommate explained to me that the star trek episode he is watching is based on the time when humans just reached space and are pioneering it, a few hundred years before captain kirk. even though the series is rather new. it seems interesting. my girlfriend is having trouble memorizing chinese. my friend clinton called and is now talking to me. it will be hard to multitask. I'm not really paying attention to him. he is asking me if I am eating with other friends. my friend did not get a bid for a frat, so he will not be pledging. we are going to a party on friday. perhaps with kdphi sorority. my girlfriend is asking what I am writing about again, and is falling asleep from doing homework. I am rather tired, | low | low | low | low | high |
I always have a million thoughts going on in my head but now that I am asked to write about them, I can't. I wonder where the printers are. its already 7:40. its so quiet in here. I wonder if this girl next to me knows where to print. it looks like she's buisy. this keyboard is dirty, the keys are hard to press. I shouldn't have thrown away my smoothie. its so dull in here. its already getting dark. I hope I'm spelling okay. I can't wait until tomorrow. "and I love you, and its more then I ever knew. " (I'm singing in my head). its too quiet, like we're not allowed to talk, its kind of depressing. I'm so glad I learned to type. I hope I can download my calculus homework on this computer. I hope I understand it. this weekend I go home. but the best part is going to be the six hour drive with my boyfriend. he's great. and I love him more everyday. I hope this feeling lasts. I would love to marry him, in like 6 years. he's great and we're great together, I miss him. I just saw him yesterday but I miss him. I'm hungry. I think ill take dinner up to my room and socialize with my roommate. I wonder what I'm going to eat today. I had a sandwhich yesterday. I should eat something hot. hmm. I guess I could have chicken strips. or vegetables. oo, and a salad. is that how you spell oo. oh, eww, uh, oo. ? oh well. now its 7:48. I wonder if I need glasses? this watch is bothering me. ah, there. my foot hurts so much. I wonder when the swelling will go down. I should email my dad. I hope my string doesn't come off. I forgot to put my rings back on. I hope I don't lose them. tomorrow I have an easy day, and I get to see fili. yah. yeh. ya. whatever. my head hurts. I should eat. what did I eat today. cereal. soup. hmm. I should eat dinner after this. I have so much reading to do. but its labor day weekend, so ill do a little bit each day and then finish this weekend. wow, my time is almost up. I hope I'm doing this right. hmm. I think so. I wish I could gain weight, well in certain places more then others. now someone else is sitting next to me. hmm. its so weird how there are so many oriental students here, its almost as if they are the majority. but that can't be right. it must just seem that way. there are so many people and I don't know any of them. someones chair keeps squeaking. oh, I need to sign up for those informal classes. what is that ringing. I don't think cell phones are allowed in here. I need to write a letter to danny. I wonder if hanna plays this weekend. I know they do. but where? hmm I need to find out, but soon. I wonder if I should tell my parents about me going home this weekend or just surprise them. I don't know which one is better or worse. oh well. that chair squeaked again. I don't see any printers. hmm. I should stop looking around, people are looking at me funny. its almost eight. I need to read. I wonder if the timer goes past twenty minutes or if it keeps going. well that answers my question. | low | high | high | high | low |
Hello, I don't know why I feel that I have to greet you, but I do. and I don't know who "you" are, because I have never tried to communicate with myself. that is so strange to me because I should know me well, because I am me. So. a stream of conciousness, eh? lets begin with the first thing I look at: the keyboard. it is black, and the lettering is in white, capital letters. I know each of these letters by sound, and sight. how did I learn these? with out them I wouldn't even be here doing this. now I am hearing things. people all around me logging onto their computers just typing away, researching away. now a man is asking a question to one of the information people here. I don't know who they are, like how to adress them, that is. but they are here to help. and for some reason that makes me feel at ease. at ease from what? I don't know . I guess the world is enough to make my being feel uneasy. my existence in this world makes me feel like I need to be recognized, sensed, felt, heard, or loved. isn't that strange? why do I need to feel this way? I don't know. but that's how I feel. moving on- what is another sense? I've gone over what I am looking at, what I am hearing and what I am feeling. but feeling in an emotional sense, not physical. I could have said I am feeling the contact between my fingers and the keyboard, but instead I chose to elaborate on my internal emotions, and that is not one of the five senses. isn't that strange? so that covers three out of five. what am I tasting right now? well, I don't know how to answer that. I don't know how to describe the taste of my mouth. and even if I was still eating, how could I explain the taste of a hot dog or fries or a banana? the only thing I could say is that "my mouth tastes like hot dog, fries and banana. " but that isn't necessarily what it really does taste like right now. now it tastes like nothingness, I suppose. what does nothingness taste like? I could ramble off synonyms, such as void or empty space even. but that doesn't mean anything untill a person consciously experiences it. right? like when a person learns what strawberry tastes like. there is no possible way to explain exactly the flavor of a strawberry. mmmm strawberries are delicious. that's all I would be able to say. and now I am actually CRAVING a strwberry! even me typing the word, and the big capital way that I spelled "craving" makes me want it even more. I am now trying to take my mind off of the mouthwatering fruit so that I can finish the last three minutes or so of this paper before I leave to go get some strawberries. it is a pretty strong urge for me to leave now but I have discipline. and that is what makes me different from everyone else. I have discipline. I won't leave now because my grade is so important to me. and its paying off, you know why? because I only have 30 more seconds to go!!! I am very happy now at the hought that I don't have to type any | low | low | low | low | low |
I'm sitting in my dorm room and it's very cold. I don't think we control the temperature in our room because sometimes it's hot and sometimes it's cold no matter what temperature setting we put it on. I'm borrowing my roommate's computer because I don't have one yet. My dad is going to bring it up hopefully this weekend when my parents come for my brothers soccer tournament. I also want him to get me a new cell phone because my phone book is full on mine and I can't put any new numbers in it which is difficult considering we're in college and I'm meeting quite a few new people. Many of the people I met because I went through rush and also I've met a lot of people on my dorm hall. I'm living in srd. The food is pretty good but I'm really picky. Bretani was eating mushroom soup today and I think soup and mushrooms are gross she said I was missing out on so many great things because I was so picky but I don't like to try foods I've already got preconceived notions about as being not good. I like pizza. I really miss eating dominoes pizza on friday nights. I was thinking about the zebra thing we talked about in class and I was wondering that: if zebras are always releasing cortozol (not sure on spelling) and their immune systems are always being shut down in response, then why are zebras never sick? wouldn't they be sick like all the time? or are they sick and we just don't know it?? maybe you would have to do some serious research on zebras to find this out at least that's what me and claire concluded. I'm glad that claire is here with me at UT even though we weren't like really really close friends in highschool I've known her since kindergarten which is pretty remarkable to know someone for that long. from kindergarten to college I mean. I've been calling a lot of my high school friends. mainly when I'm bored like when I was waiting for the bus the other day for like thirty minutes seriously it took so long. And the guy behind me had a pizza and it smelled so good. I go visit jeff a lot (my bf) because I think about him a lot and I wish I could see him at least every day but that might not be possible considering I have a lot of home work I have to do and all the other stuff I'm going to be responsible for once school and equestrian team gets going and it's sucks because he doesn't have a car so he can't just drop by even though I drop by his place like all the time I did at home too . I'm always trying to surprise him or make him happy and it just sucks that guys don't get girls. They're dating impaired almost all of them suffer from this ailment I would say. I mean some things seem so obvious for him to do to just make me so happy. Little things I mean and he doesn't even see them but as long as I'm complaining about jeff at least I'm not going out with andy. I can't see how bret (my roommate who I know from highschool) can go out with him. He's such a close minded person. A lot of the time just a jerk. And everyone who meets him get's that first impression from him too. And I just think bret is way too good for him but for some reason she loves him and I know he loves her and he's not a bad guy but the other day talking about wanting to live with a gay guy like will and grace or be friends with a gay person he was like "well then you'd just be condoning that life style" omg what a freakin aggie seriously, he's such a hick I can't believe he would be so close minded but he is and his ego is so huge and bret is pissed off at him all the time and the long distance relationship thing just isn't go to work so iwish she'd just dump him because I think he's a jerk. If he wasn't her bf I probably wouldn't even be friends with him. Yikes any way I can really get carried away on that issue . I miss going out to the barn everymorning. I'm afraid I'm going to gain weight because I don't have the motivation to jjust exercise and I don't dance everyday like I used to and I just ate two cups of ice cream and even though it's fat free bret says it still has like a jillion calories and I don't even really know what that means/entails but it sounds like something that will make me gain weight. And I guess I'm just really concerned with that. I also don't know about this whole sorority thing I'm a DG and the girls are great but sometimes I just wish that I had gotten a bid fro chi o because I spent like hours killing myself over that decision and I got DG in the end anyway. And sometimes they baby you and you're like uh I think I can handle life here thank you very much but oh well at least you have people watching out for you whether it's a little annoying or not and it does make me feel precious. karolyn stopped by last night just to tuck us in and that made me feel special. Sometimes I go crazy learning about psycology because sometimes I think it's just ridiculous to study why we do things and you know like "if you sit on this side of the room will you be more likely to eat spinach" or something because I just wonder why we study it instead of just leaving it alone and living it. it just seems like a scientist was really bored one day and unknowingly decide to start a study of something absolutely crazy. I don't even know what I'm saying but sometimes I don't care or want to know why we do what we do. We just do it! and that's it why should we stress ourselves out trying to solve the mystery of everything why not just live it. Man I drive myself crazy sometimes. I'm going to eat a red hot fire ball now. Actually they're called atomic fireballs. I noticed that last night. Me and jeff are going stargazing on the RLM tonight. I hope it works out because I don't know too much about it. Ok did it not even bother bret when andy made that incredibly ignorant comment about being gay? because he says jerky stuff all the time and somehow she just sees past it to how wonderful he is. | high | low | high | low | low |
I hate escalators. Don't know why. I've always just hated them. Or maybe I'm afraid of them too. My right foot feels really numb. And not Comfortably Numb like that Pink Floyd song. Just numb. Pink Floyds OK, somewhere up there with Verve Pipe and Nirvana. There's this guy lousing back on the lobby across from me. He's wearing a fedora that's covering his eyes. He looks cool. Fedoras are cool. I wonder why guys stopped wearing them. I mean they look cool, especially in those old film-noir movies like The Big Sleep. I have no freakin' idea what that movie was about. The plot kept jumping like some kind of a grasshoper but it was OK. Some girls next to me are chattering/giggling. I hate it when people giggle that way. Its annoying. I hope I don't giggle that way then I'd be annoyed with myself. I wonder what it would be like to be somebody else. I mean what if I was the guy resting back on that couch? Would I be the same person in someonelse's body? Or someone different. I wonder if a different body makes you be different. I wish I had my CD player with me. Life sucks without it. Then again, it'll suck either way so I guess the CD player doesn't make much of a difference. I'm humming the tune to Something Stupid. Cute song. Though what the hell was up with Sinatra singing that with his daughter? Freak. But he's a cool freak. The weather here is always so damn sunny. I don't like sunny weather, it gives me a sun burn. I like it when the sky's all grayscale and it looks like its about to splatter down light rain. That's my kind of scenery. Always has been. Don't know why. I'm yawning now, even though I'm not all that tired. I wonder what the girl next to me is thinking. She looks like she's in really deep thought. Maybe she's thinking about lunch. No, lunch is over. Dinner. Yeah, maybe she's thinking about dinner. I can't wait until this week is over. What time is it? There's never a clock when I need one. Life's inconveniences. I'm looking at my wrist, at my nonexistant watch wondering what time is it. Hope I'm not late to class. Then again I was early to class the other day because I had my watch on upside down. My nails are too big, I need to cut them before I get a hangnail or something. My foots still numb, I wish the bloody thing would wake up since I've got a class to get to. I miss my friends back home. Hell I even miss my paranoid, stark-raving-lunatic of a mother. How pathedic. . I need a new pinky ring, this ones all rusty and broken down but I'm too attached to it. Its like one of those mothers that knows they have an ugly baby but love it anyway. Hey fedora-guy just woke up. Yeah, he's stretching his legs now. I wonder if my leg will ever move now. I wonder why people can't fly. I mean who wants cars and airplanes/jets when you can fly? That would be cool. I wish I could fly. But I wouldn't want wings, those would be too annoying to take care of. I also wish I could play the piano. But I guess desire never equals talent. Reminds me of Saliaree. Amadeus was a great movie. Great story. Fedora-dude is gone now, some other guy has taken his seat. He's not wearing a hat, but its OK. This guy's got long eye-lashes and a pointy nose. Pretty cool. I wonder if someday I'll wake up and everything was just one big nightmare. That would be great. I could start over. But knowing my luck, I'd just make the same mistakes. | low | low | low | low | high |
it is a beautiful day outside and I hope to enjoy it as best I should I am listening to one of my favorite bands. this song matches my mood perfectly. I feel like I should be doing something with my life and I'm not, and it's very har to get along in this university without feeling lonely now and then. I find beauty in very conventionally ugly things and this is why I love photography so much. the pictures I have up on my walls reflect my personality a lot. there are so many aspects of me that people never get to see and it hurts when they judge without knowing me personally. I see in color in the sense that I see the most vibrancy and brightness in everything. my room here is finally starting to smell lik ehome and that's one of the first things I notice when I come in. I'm glad I ended up at ut. I thought I was kind of chickening out by coming here. it's the only place I applied to. I'm a freshman this year and I really hope to get out in 3 years, since I have 34 hours of credit from exams. I hope I can get out in 3 years because I want to feel good about myself and not feel inferior to my peers. I have a lot of issues about who I am and that's why psychology fascinates me so. I understand a lot of who I am more than most people my age. I'm feeling very wise right now and although my boyfriend is a year older than me, I sometimes feel years older than him. I might want to marry him someday and I worry about that. I miss the way things were 2 years ago when I was carefree I feel very burdened and I sometimes think I'm not experiencing college because I feel that way so often. I've always had so much to do that when I don't, I can't relax and I get really anxious. if I'm not stressed out I think I'm missing something. when I watched president bush speak last night I cried because I'm so worried that he will be reelected. I am an avid kerry fan and feel passionately about politics and when I hear bush lie and make empty promises and see people believe what he's saying it affects me deeply. I want to make a difference in the world someday. I hope I will grow to be someone great. my past relationships have been sneaking up on me recently an d things on that front are disturbing an dmaking me feel regretful. I there are some things that I remember so perfectly about the past and I don't know why they stick out. I know that there is something special inside me and I hope I can do something great in this world. I remember going to europe two years ago and feeling so happy with myself and who I was and I don't have any clue about that anymore. I find peace in knowledge. wondering stresses me out. I used to write a lot of poetry and I still feel just as expressive but now the words don't flow as well. I think that as I've grow up, my poetic naivete has faded as has any talent I had. I feel bery inferior to people that don't know me they look at me like I have no self worth and it bothers me. I am a government major and a psych minor but some people think because I'm in liberal arts I have no direction in my life and that is so frustrating. it frustrates me when people think I am stupid. I have almost no tolerance for ignorance yet I get mad when people do that. I am very analytical, mayb eoveranalytical, and its gotten me into a lot of trouble in my life I miss conor and what we had a few years ago and I miss our friendship I need to feel safe and comforted in order to be successful and I am very dependent on other people in my life to do that for me. when we weren't 100 miles apart I miss justin in many ways and that bothers me he was the most detrimental person in my life and still is so far and last night I was thinking about those three days that were the worst in my life and there is only 1 thing I can do to get past that. I don't know if I will ever. one of my main goals in life is to be understood and I feel very misunderstood by people that don't take the time to get to know me and I feel that the first impressions I give are not very accurate. I am very emotional and I know that just thinking about certain things will make me burst into tears it makes me feel inferior to do that. I feel guilty when I cry because things could be a lot worse. I want this world to improve and I want to help it do so. I need a lot of love. ramon and I have something really special he makes me feel so loved we have been together for two whole years and I want to be with him forever I want to make him happy and I want him to make me happy until we are old and I want to share everything I have with him. I wasn't sure about that until recently but now I feel more passionately about our relationship than I ever have. sometimes I cry out of neither sadness nor happiness and its hard to explain to anyone else it feels like I cry out of understanding a complex emotion that I never was able to before. if a song really touches me and I connect to it I will almost definitely cry. I think that makes me special. I think I am more compassionate than most people. music is one of the most powerful mediums of communication there is it makes me feel freer than anything else except possibly writing. the sound of this song is so familiar and it reminds me of good memories | high | low | low | low | high |
Ok. just got done crying because of stupid high school people I never want to talk to again. The shaking of my hands is making this a little harder to do than normal. I hope I don't misspell too many things. I am sniffingly so loud. I should go get a tissue. I never did learn how to type right on this thing. Why did my thoughts just totally flip? Wow, that's weird. Brain is slowly losing it's ability to function properly after the realization of how bad my mind jumps topics. I really wish I could concentrate for more than 2 seconds when I'm emotional. It really sucks to cry and have to put everything else off until I can see straight. But I won't be crying any more hopefully as I am cutting off those jerks from high school. I don't need than, nor do I wan them in any aspect of my life. They just make things complicated because they are sick and deranged people with nothing better to do than mess with me. Wow, London tell them how you really feel! I hate computers when I have fake nails. I always hit a random button and end up typing a couple of lines up in a sentence that is already done. My back hurts really bad from sitting up on the ground. I think it's time to switch positions. Ah. Much better. Now my typing skills really stink. It's really hard to lay on the ground and type. Oh I have a laptop. That would be stupid to do if I had a regular PC. I still can't get comfortable. The floor isn't exactly rock hard, but it's no fluffy bed. That's better. I don't know why I didn't get on the bed in the first place. AHHH!! Yes, I do I don't want to be on my white comforter!! Oh no!! You know writing this is turning out to be a lot harder than it should be. You would think that all this movement would not have to happen, but not with me. Stupid back gives me problems all the time. I miss Dr. Jones!! I don't know how I'm going to make it not going to get adjusted whenever I hurt. It just occurred to me that I might be using AIM abbreviations in this writing thing. That might not make me look too smart. Oh, well. I don't want to go back and look at it. It would just take to long. God, my nose is still stopped up. My skin is drying out to. I need to wash my face and moisturize. I forgot how to spell moisturize!!! I had to retypr it like three times. You know for someone who is supposed to be smart, I am pretty dumb sometimes. I wonder if Pennebaker thought I was dumb in class today. I zoned out a little bit and then raised my hand and said something that did not fit with what he was looking for. I wish I could just leave all the bad behind me, then maybe I could pay attention in class. But no. I have to be all sensitive and worry about everyone and everything that someone else should be caring about. I seriously need to just be tough and tell people to back off me. I was going to use a bad word, but I don't know if that would be appropriate. I wonder if it would affect my grade if I did write a cuss word. Is that how you spell cuss? Maybe I should have just wrote curse. And why do I always have to fix the word just? Every time I type just without paying close attention I put an extra j in between the u and the s. It makes me feel quite stupid. Time just ran out. I'm glad because I want to just go to sleep and forget about people I will never have to see again. | low | high | high | high | high |
Today is the first football game, I'm pretty excited. Idon't really know the drill so hopefully my friend willcall. I wonder if there is a parade, that'd be cool I could go listen to the band, I miss band band was fun if I don't make the dance team I'm definately going to try out for band, although my lips are so fat I can't believe joe said that about my lips sometimes I really wonder about that kid, he sure does tell a lot of stories, I mean seriously he couldn't have gotten kicked out of new orleans theyll take anyone over there, youd have to do a whole hell of a lot to get kicked out of there I wonder how megans doing in alabama she found a new male friend I wonder about her and jason if they are going to stay together they are one of those couples that are going to stay together forever save a nuclear winter. I wish I could be like that but at the same time I'm having fun I guess, I really miss griff, he always made me smile even if it was something stupid, I need to go visit him at atm I wonder how much different it is over there if it really is a bunch of cowboys like I picture it I wonder if erin likes it since she's not into the whole spirit cowboy thing, I think she would do so much better here with me! plus I mjust miss erin. she was so cool I loved our no pants parties, they were fun bonding time. man 20 min is longer than I thought suck town usa, I think this assignment is kind of cool to track your htoughts for 20 min, it just proves further how random I am, I'm hungry, I think I'm going to have a pb&j when I'm done, that's the stuff with strawberry jelly. strawberries whiten your teeth that is so cool I need to start using my crest white strips again, I need to take a shower, man I forgot how far away kirby lane isthat power walk made me all nappy. that's ok I'm sure ill get even nappier at the f-ball game amin is so hot, man did I luck out on getting a counselor, nate was so cool too! I'd totally date nate. that's the kind of guy I'm looking for, random funnyness facial expressions everything someone that canjust make me laugh up a storm. OTherwhise ill get bored. I kind of want someone like griff though too. Although if I dated griff I'd be really scared. Idon't know why, idon't htink he'd ever cheat on anyone but he never wants a girlfriend. manhes good. really strong. he can bench press me that's amazing I need to work out I don't want that nasty freshman 15. I don't think ill get it I walk around campus like hardcore. its a big campus I like it though I like getting lsot in it all its definately puts me in my place. which is nice. no more trying to be something imnot. I hope I can find an organization to be in. the wrangler darlins would be pretty awesome and pals would be pretty cool. I wouldlove to get a really hot italian boy. man that would be cool. like hardcore awesome. like paolo or davide or vincente that would be awesome this takes a long time I'm having trouble trying to fill up the time I wonder when my roommate is going to wake up its like 1:00 in the afternoon. Iwanna take a nap I think I will. naps are the greatest. I didn't used to like them but man are they awesome. especially after reading philosophy, stupid philosophy its so boring but the lectures are cool. I don't know I usually don't like to discuss abortion and stuff like that because your not going to change anyones mind so what's the point in fighting because that's all your doing is fighting I don't like to fight I think its stupid because your hurting other people and not gaining anything from it so its useless hurt thatno one needs ihate pain I hate to make other people sad I hate to be sad. good thing I like it here or I might be misreable almost done 17 min and 30 seconds. sweet this has taken forever I should be reading something or studying or something like that I want to do well in colllege grade wise ireally want to make a 3. 8 at least my mom made a 4. 0 in really hard classes last semester now granted that's my mom and she isn't doing as much socially as I am so she has more time to study, well actually she workds all the time. I never really realized how hard she must have worked. its college that makes you realize stuff like that | high | low | high | high | high |
I do not feel well at all, I wonder if it was the tequila from last night or worrying about a girl. Sometimes I don't know why I am still with her. Can you still have feelings for someone that you find annoying? Why am I doing this Writing Assignment now my stomach and head are killing me. I should have tried to pawn it off on one of my roommates for ten dollars or something because who wants to right about what "they" think, I'm more interested in what other people think about. I mean I alrdy know what I think about, its boring to me, what about the people I don't know, what do they think about, that's what I want to know. I know that girl down there is thinking about something, some psycologist needs to figure out how to read girls, that's what they should be working on, why learn about depression, figure out what girls think about. Honestly, I don't think a single man can tell me what a girl is thinking at any given time, half the time they hate you other half they love you and it can switch just as fast. What's the deal with that! I am still feeling bad my stomach won't stop hurting, I think I need to get something to eat. I need to get feeling better cause I already have plans for tonight, and it sucks going out when you don't feel well. When I go out and I don't feel well, I get extremely annoyed with everyone that I am with. It's probably because they are having more fun then I am. I have noticed that school is obsessed with talking about politics, in every class I go to we talk about Bush and Kerry. YES, 3 more minutes to go on the assignment, but too much politics in my opinion half the time it has no correlation with the subject at hand. In my Spanish class we had a 30 minute discussion about economic poilices, how does that help me with Hola Como estas? This assignment isn't bad, its like the people that have journals, who put there mind on paper. | low | low | high | low | low |
it is really cold in my room, my roommate likes it that way. and for some unknown reason it is a lot colder in our room than it is in the rest of the apartment, so we walk around and it is hot and then we come into our room and it is freezing. Awesome, I hope I can make to class on time today cause writing for 20 minutes might put me a little late, oh well it is history and I usually don't go anyway, and why is that? Why is it that some people are extremely motivated to do well and make the good grades whereas there are people like me who could honestly care less. is it the parents? I doubt that cause mine are extremely motivated I am wearing jeans and boots today, and my roommate told me that it was wierd cause I don't look so goofy my mouse just messed up. if I can make it through this whole writing assignment without losing my wireless internet connection I will be extremely impressed, sad huh? anyways I really want to go to arkansas this weekend for the game, one of these years I am going to get a ticket to every texas gamand go, although this would be the year cause they really don't have any games that are that far away. my roommate took psycology last year, did I spell that right? anyways I don't think he had to do anything like this. I need to call my mom, havent talked to her in a few days, she likes it whenever I call. I do call home a whole lot more than the rest of the guys I know, I am such a mamma's boy. I really like the shirt that I am wearing lime green, some say gay, I say nice. yeah really nice, man this is starting to get hard and I have only been writing for 8 minutes, I don't know if I have thought for 20 minutes straight in my whole life. I really don't my brain just shuts off and I space out. . especially during class. sometimes I wonder if I have that ADD crap. I have always been told that I do but since I made good grades in school they never took me to go get evaluated or anything like that. school. the only thing I miss about high school is football, that was my life, coach always said it would be the best time I ever had but I never believed him until I was done playing and trust me. it was. I mean I have a lot of fun in college meeting new people and getting drunk all the time but I really miss playing ball. this damn song, my roommate plays the same songs all the time, never good songs, and yet he plays the same ones over and over again, hold on I have to write for psyc, be there in 9 minutes, he wants me to read something for him. coke, I love coke for some reason, not that is tastes good cause I really don't think the taste is good at all and yet I drink it all the time, like it is an addictive taste. addictive, I think I have a very addictive personality, if there is such a thing, like snuff, I never would have thought that I would start having cravings for snuff, and yet I do like right now, where did I put my can? oh man this sucks can't find it , I can wait untill I get done only 6 more minutes, hands are starting to get a little tired of doing this, had a dream last night, and I think in it I called my ex-girlfriend, sometimes I have dreams with her in them, and I don't know why, its wierd, don't really care for her or anything, just sometimes she is in my dreams, speaking of dreams I could use a nap right about now, man I slept till 10 and am still tired, whatever happened to that this is the guy who would get up a 530 to go to the weight room everymorning in high school and I come to college and now getting up a 10 is early? that is like 4 and a half hours later,I could quite possibly be the laziest person on this earth, just might be actually, they could conduct a study and I think I would be the laziest. . Except for all the homeless people, twice in a row, he has the song on repeat, how in the hell could somebody listen to the same song twice in a row, ok I got to say something not again I don't even like this song he put on now, ok this one isn't bad 1 more minute, cramp in the forearm, am I going to make tat fica plant looks it really good I really hope you don't look into as long as I submit it is very hard 5 more seconds I can't wait done. | low | low | high | low | low |
Well, I woke up this morning scared because I was dreaming! I think I was dreaming that I was being chased by somebody and I was running like hell! My roommate Kate woke me up because we were a little bit late to school and I jumped out of bed like I was on fire! I scared her just getting out of bed!! hahahaha! It was pretty funny, I guess!! Wow, it is a BEAUTIFUL day outside! It's all cloudy and I hope it rains all weekend. The news said it would but I really hope they are right!! So, there's this guy that just got up and left. He looked maybe familiar but maybe not! He was wearing a red shirt and he looked kind of silly! Hahahahaha!! Now this other girl just sat down to use the computer and she looks a little bit irritated! I might be wrong but she's hitting the keys like she wants to kill!! I don't know. maybe she just type's hard. or something!! OH Yeah! I had a good time in my math class today. I actually learned something!! It was pretty cool! You know, I come from a really tiny place outside of El Paso called Fabens. This place is huge for me!! It's like this whole library is the size of my town. All the people in it too. My town is tiny and there are a thousand people here!!! It's so crazy to come from a town that the population is the size of a full library! That's tiny compared to this place! Along with all this walking in and out, I've never seen so many people get together at once and if I have, it was at my 600 student high school!! These 600 students were all four grades put together! That makes me laugh because I feel like an ant here!! But that's ok. I will grow to be a big UT Longhorn!! Woo! Hoo!! So, I miss my little sister. She's 9 years old and I was like her second mommy. My older sister attends UT and she's been here for a while now! Back at home, It was only both my parents and my little sister and I ! When my parents went out I would have to take care of her and I practically did that all nine years of her life. practically!!! haahhahaha!! We all went out a lot so we left her with my grandmother or my aunt at times!! She was who I always came home to to play with!! She always wanted me to play with her and most of the time I did!! I would try to take her to all of my games in sports and all of my track meets! She really loved to see me play!! She always wanted to play with my team and after every game . "Cyndi, When I grow up, I'm going to play Basketball too, or volleyball and I'm also going to run track and throw the discus. Just like you!" Awwww. My baby wants to be just like me!! I think she's the one I miss the most because I grew up with her and she grew up with me!! WoW! She's so big now!! I can still remember when she was just a little baby!! Awww. my little baby! Oh yeah. and her name is Joyce Lynn just in case you wanted to know! She's a very smart girl and I can't wait until she grows up!! She already knows what she wants to be. a Marine Biologist!! Can you believe it?!! She told me that!!! :-) | high | high | high | high | high |
so yeah. I finally get to the point where I feel like I have some sanity in my life, and back he comes. why did I let him back into my life? I went out last weekend and had the weekend from hell. first the fire alarm, then the game (not too bad), then the car accident (thank God none of us were involved), and finally the other two ambulances in front of Halcyon. why can't just go get a damn cup of tea without the world come crashing down on me (improper grammar, I kmow. so is the punctuation for that matter). so anyway, back to jason. the bane of my existence and the one thing I cannot escape. last night I decide to try an dangerous tactic and back him into a corner just to see what he'd do. (probably should have left that up to the professionals - namely advisor jes who did it with me to get me to pick a concentration, classics or middle east. ) found out it doesn't work as well with relationships - esp. with a guy who has taken over a year to make up his mind and still hasn't really decided anything. talk about making me feel completely worthless. so I say, "you're still a kid. " "I know. " "so grow up, jason. be a man. make a goddamn decision. " "I can't be with you. " why does he always run? my brother did the same thing. what is it about men that when faced with fight of flight emotionally, they ALWAYS run? so unwittingly I cornered myself as well. I realized I can't let this man go, no matter how bad he is for me. I will continually put myself at his mercy, despite the fact that HE was the one who left me this summer. why do I make it so easy for him to come back. is a little bit of fear a healthy thing? he's not afraid to lose me at all! because he KNOWS that I'll never go anywhere. too bad the fool didn't KNOW that I loved him as much as I did. now how do I get that back? I was crying on the windowsill. just one more part of the apartment to be initiated into my life with tears. I was hoping the sill would have been initiated in other ways. he promised to come visit me. this coming weekend was shot to hell thanks to ET. second time that bastard has screwed up my life. so I make him promise me the weekend after. only thing is that I had plans to celebrate my birthday with my friends that weekend. football game + club = fun night. now he's coming, hopefully. but yet more plans put aside for him. he would say, "but I never asked you to do that," or, "you're the one that wants me to come. " why doesn't he get that I hate living like this, and it's HIS torture that makes me have to put my life aside? so now what do I do? I call him all day, playing phone tag, hating the hell I'm in. but I keep my composure. if anything I've learned in this last year of hell it's how to keep my composure. not enitirely sure what good that does me. damn this keyboard is spongy. wish it had that new full size one that has flat keys like a laptop. should make it much easier on the CTS. so what was I thinking? oh yeah, phone tag. I finally get to talk to him while I'm in the bathroom (wow does that gross him out) and I ask him if we can just pretend last night didn't happen. and he tells me I'm paranoid. fool, you told me you couln't be with me and I'm not supposed to be paranoid? WTF?! geez, I write a lot in 15 mins. this picture above the computer in the lab is. interesting, not really pretty. poor taste in art these people. so then he starts falling asleep, as ususal, and the conversation dies. and each time I try to resurrect the thing to achieve some sort of closure, I feel like part of me dies too. how many buckets my tears would fill over this past year I could not count. I'm so tired of crying. it's frightening that sometimes it's the only thing that makes anything better. and even more scary that I cry just to get a response out of him because he DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING!!! the silence is pure torture and he must know it. but nothing ever changes. do I sound like I have abused spouse syndrome? emotionally abused. tortured. dead. I wonder what these girls would think if they read over my shoulder. what would sameera say/do if she knew I was putting myself through hell again for this man? time almost up. thanks for the opportunity for the release. 5 4 3 2 1 done. | high | low | high | low | high |
I am watching t. v. and waiting for my friends to get here from out of town. which I don't even know if they are going to show up because they are taking a really long time. I like that movie 50 first dates. I said that because I'm watching t. v. oh I already said that. well any way I am just so bored trying to finish my homework before tommorow just so I won't have a lot to do during the week. I'm waiting for my boyfriend to come home also, but he'll be here on friday. I wish he wasn't in san antonio right now. it always seems like gets down when he visits san antonio. and now he's at the hospital because his cousin stopped breathing. I pray to God that she's. I had one of those pop ups come up because I am on my slow, old computer. I watching the monk. I love the monk because it's mysteries. and the monk always has some cool way to figure out the murders. it's a marathon and I'm starting to get tired of watching it. I hope that venus williams wins in her tennis match today. that will shut some of those people that are saying rude things about her father up. I like both of the sisters but venus hasn't won in a long time so I think it's her turn to take the crown. I am almost half way through this writing assignment. I keep reminding myself that I need to take a look at the experiments so I can sign up for them. I forget how many hours I need. Oh I just looked at the paper, it says 5 hours. I don't know what to write because I haven't been involved in a lot of interesting activities. I wish my friends lived in austin then I wouldn't have to rely so much on seeing derrick. I hope this isn't the same monk, it is so I need to change the channel. I don't know what to watch we got this digital cable but it repeats the channels over and over. Derrick is going to have to give them a call and let them know that. I hope that wasn't intented. man, there is nothing to watch on labor day. I hope I got my class code right because I didn't write it down. that wasn't very smart. now I'm watching the source awards from two years ago on BET. I got to find something a little better to watch. I just changed to what not to wear. I think this show is nice because it makes people over to look so nice. that would be nice in a way if someone did that to me, but then I would be affended that people don't like the way I dress. I have always wanted to be a model, but as they say it takes money to make money. I have this filling that I might win the lottery but I guess everyone has that feeling. I love to talk about what I would do if I won the lottery. I would certainly give my mother a good sum of money and also my step dad. I would give my father enough so that he could retire from the army and not have to work anymore. I would also give my boyfriend a good sum of money because | low | high | high | high | high |
I am watching an italian movie called "respiro" it basically about a crazy woman in a little town in italy. it made me wonder what etitles someone to call another human crazy or even a lunatic. also what emotions should be those o someone different. I feel that maybe those whact in their own way are freer than those supressed bya society. why do we have to follow the same pattern as everyone else. care about politics. informed of what happens inthe world. speak two or more languages and communicate to each other and try to conprehed different cultures. wonder if the gobalization will end in making sa homogeneoussociety. will we everget to that point were we can finally agree taht we are the same. or is it gona be like the constant fighting in the middle east. were ina documentary I HBO a little palestinian boy stronly beleived that there would never be peace in his land. How can a little boy be so certain. think is incredible because I am not even certain about what I am even writting or thinking here. are soe beliefs so strong that they can't be stopped. were do they come from. if tehy are all in our minds is there a way to make them change thugh science. could we washed brains in the search for peace. probably not. I just feel such an espectator in a geat movie and not doing anything. I also wonder if ill ver be recognized at some point. or may ill just go unnoticed. I guess I already understood that you meet different peope at different times and ou will always oose contact with them and the proess starts again. so should I try o make the greatest effort in becomingtses peoples fiends or just use them for he time being and move on. my computer doesn't work and my roommates keyboard is old and the buttons get stuck. whoever reads this assignment si going to think I have horible spelling. should I care?? I care about the assignent because it counts twards my grade, but shoudl I care about the opinion in the graders head apart from them just rading it. I don't know. What to write. I guess the thought taht have been in my head the most recently. welll my best friends mom is dying of cancer. I don't know how o deal with te situation wha do you tell a friend. It made me woder what to do with my tme because I can not even imagine what would it feel like that your time si runing out. I'm not going to saysomething like live evryday to he fullest and all that hallmark stuff. but I do wonder what you think at night knowing you going to die. I don't think I would be scared of dying, but if not doing everything I wnated to do in one life time. Also believe that its incredible how many thoughts g on in our heads I could never write the all. it will take a life time. | high | low | high | high | low |
I am excited about being a columnist, not because I like the daily texan particularly, although I do, it's more about the opportunity it offers since I can go on to write for the DMN or the statesman once I am out of college and I can get internships at newspapers during the summer so It will be more than just bagging groceries or lifeguarding, I'll be able to get better at writing, get some more exposure by writing for them, and get another newspaper on my resume and be able to spend more time in a newsroom, I don't know if I can write columns for a living, it could be a lot of moving, its not a very stable job, I don't want my family to have to move around the country with me but I obviously can't leave them behind and I think I want to have kids at this point, that doesn't mean I actually will when a time comes that having kids would be appropriate but I still can't ignore that possibility because putting my work before my family is no way run a household, but I can't worry about that stuff right now, right now all I can do is leave my options open so I can make good decisions later, so basically all I can do is write as well as I can and make good grades, I don't know exactly how to do either but I do know that both require a lot of work and being willing to accept and actively seeking help from others, that means I need to go to the UTLC finally and see what they can offer me and also try to make friends with other people on the newspaper staff and ask my friends and family to help as well with ideas and editing because no matter how well I can do on my own, I'm sure help from others can only cause improvement, I'm excited about the football games this weekend, as much as I love going to UT home games, an away game means that I can eat while I'm watching the game, it doesn't take as much planning, I can watch it with whoever I want and I don't have to worry about painting myself, the fact that some of the guys who want to do it, sit in the upper deck and we are in the lower deck could make things difficult, I would feel like an idiot if we could only spell tex fig, also, I don't know how well the other fans will respond to our painting, its kind of a hellraiser tradition so I don't want to step on any toes by doing the same thing and sitting almost directly behind them, however, this is longhorn football and there's nothing wrong with getting excited and getting other people excited, I'm a little worried about what I look like without a shirt and there's not a whole lot I can do about that before the next game but I'll do what I can, I'm bored with classes already, I havent really had enough free time to get bored with the social scene since I am spending a lot of my time trying to get the appartment set up so I can actually live in it, its not much use to me otherwise, but it seems like the more I do, the more crap keeps going wrong which makes me feel a little helpless, I've never lived by myself before and I havent lived away from home for that long, I've always been very dependent on others, especially my family but now my sister lives in lubbock and my parents live in dallas and none of my friends live in the same building as me since I don't live in a dorm anymore, I miss that aspect of living in public housing, the extra space and privacy is nice and is helpful sometimes but a lot of times, having other people around is helpful and that has become more difficult and also when people come over, they don't want to study, they usually want to play halo or do something so seeing my friends has become time consuming so I guess the solution to that is to get things done while I'm with them like by going to the grocery store or target, I need to get some groceries, I don't think I know how to shop yet, I still havent made a grocery list longer than 12 items and that's not enough when I go to the store once a week at most, I'm sure things will get easier once I get used to living by myself and living in this appartment but I'm anxious to get to the point where I am secure with my living situation, my friends, my schedule, and better at time management | high | low | high | high | low |
Stream on consciousness, this is something I have done before, when I was writing my diary, I though it'd be a cool idea, I wrote down a lot of stuff, some having to do with music, some having to do with my boyfriend. He's a good guy, I miss him sometimes, well I do but I don't- it's not really an active missing, it's a passive missing, like I know I do somehwhere in my heart, but it doesn't hurt or anything I wonder what that could mean? everyone always asks me how long we'll last, and even though I'm not sure, I guess well last a long time, I mean its already been a year, which really doesn't seems so long anymore, only a few weeks maybe, until I really think about it. then its much longer. even though it all doesn't add up at first- it makes sense somhow. you know? it all makes sense when you look back at it all. I tend to think in really long streams and then my mind pauses, as if to switch subjects, not really to- well actually sometimes, to reflect on it- but I always inevitably move on, I wonder if that's what veryone's like. if they all reflect on their thoughts like I do, then move on. or if they thing continuosly only shifting smoothly from one thought to the next. there has to be someone like that, somewhere. maybe in china or some other country, but some where. I refuse to think that people all think the same, not only because people are inherently different but because even if 99% of us wer the same, there would have to be at least one person who's not. That's just the way I think. Ellipses are fun, they provide space, and soetimes a depth that no other literary device can reach. I'm not sure if depth is the right word of if tis truly a literary device, but ellipses are (thoughts search for word) something that people use. Woah, a mental stumble in words, I wonder how oftne I do that? I don't think I realize when taht happens, that reminds me of foreign languages- I like foreign languages. rightnow I'm taking dutch- but spanish is the one I'm most versed in. I think in spanish sometimes, its kind of fun, and I have always found it interesting that someone could actually think in another language then they'er own. I used to think when I was a little kid that that would be impossible- then I though itd be incredible, now that I can do taht it just seems like fun, I like it, it feels. Comforting somehow. I'm not sure why. it must be because my goal is to be fluent in as many languages as possible- though I'll probably do only four or five- someone in my class has a father that knows seven. I find hat amazing, it's simply amazing what the mind is capable of. Medicine is fascinationg to me, not just the cure type, but the physiological aspect of the human boday, and the relation so the psychological part of the human body, has always fascinated me, even when I was younger. I suppose I've always had a fascination with biology and the like and that is what has led me to this point in my life. its like my whole life up to this point has guided me to this exact path, and in a way, to this exact moment in time. perhaps only to point me in another direction. (looks up at light) not all the lights in this library are lit, I wonder why. maybe its because it would be too bright, or maybe because the sun is still out, or maybe some of them burnt out. I wonder if there's a pattern. (searches for pattern) no, there doesn't appear to be a pattern. not lit. lit lit lit lit lit lit not lit not lit lit all the way down the row, lit lit lit lit partially lit not lit lit lit lit lit all the way down the row (lost her place) ah well. worth a shot. I search for patterns in things a lot- very scientific like. that one police officer told me I sounded like a doctor. he asked me what I was going to ut to be and I said I was going to major in biology and become a doctor and he said "You sound like a doctor, in the way you tlak" I though that was kind of weird at first, but very logical. I am analytical by nature and tend to use larger words than many people, though they are not always right in my head- when I say them they come out right, and not only that but I love biology, and finding out what makes us tick, and wen I'm in an argument I try to see all the sides- and to see what's underneath it all. for instance I try to see what the ohr person is saying and why. what makes them say that. why they say it the way they do- I'm going to like this class- I like psychology. psych= mind. ology= the study of. I was in medical terminology. actually the class was called health science tech, but the main part was about medical terminology and working in the clinical setting, I worked at the hospital but instead of money I got grades, particiapation grades reall. it was fun, even the parts most would consider gross. I enjoyed it- but I don't think I want to be one of thos doctors tthat work in the hospital. I think my typingg is louder than everyone else in this library, the keys aren't the easiest to push. they stick a little, on some letters more than others. they're like keyboard keys that get stuck because you were careless and spilled soda on them, but a little looser. they're not quite tahat stick at all. but still they seem so loud. The guy outside in orange is drinking coffee- I like orange soda. its my favorite color and soda, good stuff. I wonder how much time people spend observing things outside their little bubble. if people had a bubble of consciousnes, it would be their immediate surroundings. just basically what they can touch, or what they can comfortably read. I wonder how many people ake time to see beyond that and what they're like. what type f people they are, if people really do have type. basically, what they're like inside. ar they analytical, whimsical, forward thinking? are they lacadaisical? what are they like? am I really one of them? I kind of think I might be or maybe one that is in between that and the other. maybe I'm right in the middle of two extremes like fire and ice, heaven and hell, earth and water. | high | high | high | high | low |
NFL kickoff tonight. should be fun to watch. Going to get depressed watching them play. actually probably not, but I wish I could play ball ! I played highschool football, and actually did Div,. III equivalent in Erope. that was fun. This assignment is too long should be 10 minutes, not 20. I read a book that was stram off consciensness (did I spell that right?). Cassandra, by Christal wolf. I was an IB book. it ought to be fun going back to norway this winter for xmas. can't wait to see my parents and sis. and dog. coach will send me a CD with all our game footage from last season. Go domers. He said I could play whenever I was in norway. awesome. I was a badass corner back. if I was 40lbs heavier (muscle) and faster I could play for UT. It would be a frikkin dream come true. that's one regret that I have in life. maybe one of my only ones: that I will forever just be a varsity highschool ball players. or maybe not its not that big a deal I guess. can't wait til I'm flyin in the US air force! greatest country ever!! this assignmentt is getting old. nnobody's going to read all of them anyway green mesquite bbq. Mmm I don't really want to go, but I want the bbq plus I get to see rotc people but I actually don't really want to now I want to lay in bed and watch tv play ta. too lazy I get my guitar toorrow this keyboard is hard to type on this opps this assignment is terminated | high | low | high | high | low |
Ok so I just got back from a four hour study hour thing at the ZTA house. WOW the most pointless thing ever. I read maybe 10 pages. How am I supposed to study with 50 other girls there in the room? You don't have that much space and of course you want to talk about what happened last night and who ended up where, and blahblahblah. I know they have good intentions in making us do this, but 4 hours at one time is waaay too long to try to study. No one really got anything done. But hey it was fun- I got to bond more with my sorority sisters! Speaking of sorority stuff, I love it. At first, I was afraid I wouldn't like it, or that the girls wouldn't like me, but I Couldn't be having more fun. I have more friends than I thought I would have going into college, and they're real friends, too, not friends you "pay for" with sorority fees. I'm listening to music right now, and recently (as in the past couple of months) I've gotten more and more into music. I've always loved music, but ever since I dated a great guy who is a complete music person I've liked it even more. Today kyle and I (my aggie ex-boyfriend) were joking about how pathetic we are for missing eachother so much. it was funny. we knew going into it at the beginning of the summer that we were going to break up when we went off to college because, of course, it wouldn't work. But now that we're all settled in, we still miss eachother. It got really serious really fast. it was unbelievably random. We never thought we would hook-up, but it happened and it was awesome. I hate to say it because I'm so young and I hate it when people say things like that, but I could quite possibly see myself with him after college- like permanently. That's so weird. Well, sincewe did break up, we are allowed to hang out with other people (date-wise) but neither of us really wanted to. Last week I met this really cool guy from the Woodlands-he's an ATO pledge. I've gone to a couple parties with him as his date and I kind of have a crush on him. It's exciting, but at the same time, I'm far from being over Kyle. The whole point of not being together was that we could go out and have fun without being tied down, but I still feel bad about it. I have constantly had this entire "soap opera" on my mind for the last week- nonstop. The cool thing about being in a relationship is that you have that stability- you never have to wonder if he likes you, or if he's going to call and all that. With a new guy it's always like I wonder if he likes me and why didn't he call?-worrying. It's fun, don't' get me wrong, but it kind of puts ur confidence in check. I've recently gotten into Maroon 5 again. I used to love them, but working at Hollister and hearing the entire CD all the time made me hate it. I don't work at Hollister anymore, so I havent heard Maroon 5 in awhile, and now I love them again. | low | low | high | low | low |
When I got online tonight I was prompted with an instant message from an unknown person. The person, aka MuffinCheeseqn, asked me if they remembered me from last night. Last night! Last night I was with Sarah, my roomie, watching Shrek! I was totally freaking out. I was telling Sarah that I had a stalker! This "MuffinCheeseqn" kept telling me that they were beginging to get to know me better so they wanted me to keep talking to them. Talk about freaky! Well finally a message box came up stating that it was one of my friends that had played a joke on me. What a friend! It ended up being my roomie's cousin! 'Lil punk! Anyhoo, that made my night though. I've been over at my friend Danny's dorm working on a computer science program that is due tomorrow. I've been there since 5! I don't like the first program and I'm majoring in CS! What was I thinking! They should have a major in learning the ABCs! Oh man its only been 5 minutes. Man, I think Sarah needs to be quiet so I can concentrate on this writing assignment! lol! So Sarah has some pretty cute guys in her classes! I've seen some although she has failed to introduce me to them! OO I just remembered that I need to finish the pre-screening for the experiment requirements cause I really don't want to write a five page paper! I'm not very good at writing papers. Obviously! I'm not very good at calculus either. Although, today I actually understood something in my calculus discussion class! I probably will have trouble applying it to my homework problems though. Oh my gosh. I have a calculus midterm on FRIDAY! well next Friday. I have to do some major studying this weekend. This weekend my parents will be out of town. It will be the last time my parents can take a vacation for a year. My mom just got a new job! Yeah for my mom! She's been really therefore leaving my mom was out of a job. So we were living off of my dad's salary which isn't enough to pay all the bills. Thankfully my parents savings saved up but still taking a little every month will eventually end in 0. My mom looked for a job for almost 3 months before she just got hired last week. She doesn't have a college degree so that made it hard for her to find a job. That's why she wants me to get an education. She doesn't want me to. Sarah needs to shut up! She just walked into my room. OH MY GOSH she's singing the Fresh Prince of Bel Air Song! lol She just read what I wrote. OH MY GOSH now she's playing her mello. She's in the longhorn band. She's a big band nerd. I was once a band nerd. I played the sax! Wow I have like two minutes left! Well right now I'm feeling. Hungry! Obviously my thoughts are everywhere! Good-bye! | low | low | low | low | high |
The speakers that are connected to my computer are extremely cheap. I only purchased them because there was a $15 mail-in rebate with them. It would be really nice to have a new computer, this one is old and outdated and the internet connection is really slow. I am tired of always having to listen to my brother and his girlfriend bicker and yell at each other, they are like two little kids every waking hour I'm with them they are constantly harassing each other. My computer monitor is really small. It makes looking at my screen for extended periods of time like this hurt my eyes. College life is really not what I expected. I'm constantly feeling homesick and want to go back to Houston. I guess I just need to get acclimated to Austin and college life once I do I'm sure I will enjoy it very much but until then I will attempt to go back to Houston as much as possible. Luckily a lot of my friends also attend UT, they are definitely making the transition more bearable. Every one of my classes has over 100 people in them. This is a big change from my 20 people honors classes in high school. It doesn't really allow me to make relationships with my professors. Raquetball was really fun. I ran smack into the wall with my shoulder and it still hurts but its a good pain one of those pains that reminds you that you accomplished something fun and physically strenuous. Yeah I don't think I spelled that word correctly. I'll have to look it up in the dictionary when I am done. Is this assignment done yet? No still 13 and a half minutes to go. This is the first time I've ever written a stream of consciousness. I know there is some famous novel or documentary our there where there is like a 17 page stream of consciousness containing only a single sentence. I think its title has the world Ullyses or it is written by a Ullyses or something. I know this because my father appraised me of it. Just useless trivia I guess. I enjoy watching trivia games on TV, mainly stuff like Who Wants to be a Millionaire or Jeopardy. But maybe that's just because normally there isn't anything else on. The World Series of Poker is enjoyable to watch as well. I was initially really sceptical about writing this stream of consciousness because I didn't really know how it would turn out or how easy it would be to write, but now that I'm half way through it things are just sort appearing on the page. Definitely not what I expected. I have to say this is the most interesting writing assignment I think I have ever had. Whew only 8 minutes to go. The printer next to me is running out of ink, which means it will have to be replaced pretty soon which means more money out of my pocket. You have to be thrifty in college that's for sure. My budget is $500 a month and this month alone I have already spent over 800. I sure am glad that I received financial aid to make the burden of paying for college easier on my parents. They were sure proud of me when I told them about the scholarships I received. It felt good to make them proud. My brother is smart and does extremely well in school, I hope I can live up to my parents standards and continue to do well educationally in college. College sure is much different from high school. A lot more studying and my studying skills aren't nearly up to par considering I almost never did it high school. Now I know I need to study to do well in school so I am, but it just takes me forever to outline a chapter. A lot longer than it seems like it really should. I guess maybe I'm a little bit too stressed out about college. I'm sure that once I get used to it, it will be one of the best experiences of my life. But until then, it's still hell. My friends are in the living room, I told them before I started writing this not to disturb me for 30 minutes, but who knows if they will obey me. My one friend John loves to just barge into my room. I played raquetball with John and Joseph. I suck at raquetball but hey it's only my 3rd or 4th time to play it. None of us are really are that good. The lie detector test in Psychology class last time was cool. My hands normally get really sweaty so I'm sure I would have sent that sweat-o-meter off the charts, I wonder why my hands are sweaty a lot. | low | high | low | high | low |
Well I guess I will just write about my college life or what has been of it so far. Well I guess the bad news for today was that I think I failed my first Astronomy Quiz maybe I should of studied more maybe I should have paid more attention in class who knows?? But hey they drop the lowest quiz grade. Life has been very stressful lately with starting a new job and just trying to make time for everything its almost impossilbe. I mean there is just so much to do read for classes, study, but still have time to hang out with your friends. At the time the people I am most hanging out with are those from my home town. Good old Del Rio Texas the land of amistad I don't know if I was suppose to make a lot of new friends but for the moment they are the one I have most been hanging out with I mean I have grown up with them and they know me ! I guess I just feel comfortable around them because we have a lot of things in common and besides when ever I need I ride home they are there. My roommate is also from Del Rio the town where everyone knows everyone most of my family lives there and well looking back a lot of high school drama goes on. Everyone in High School always has something to say about everyone else I mean its terrible its hard to believe I was in all that drama as well. Yeah well my roommate is my best friend and well you know living together is much more diffrent than just seeing each other everyday at school but hey we are hanging in there no major fights or anything, you learn to adapt. Since she doesn't have as much reading to do as I do I just learn to go to the Study Lounge and well I don't mind all that much it makes me study since there is nothing else to do there. But well back to my life in college. I started my job yesterday and its lots of fun just because you don't really do much and well you get paid for it. Its like the people in the office are looking for things to make me do so today I was shreding paper. Then well I was suppose to go to this free pizza and bowling for the TIP. This program I'm in that is suppose to create a small school enviroment in this big school and well when me and my friend Monica showed up they had eaten all the food so well that went that idea, we just ended up eating at Wendy's. Its funny how you seem to cling on to those you know rather than meet new people I mean me and Monice didn't quite get along in High School but now its just kind of we put up with each other just to have someone there she has 2 classes with me and well none of my other friends yeah the phone rang so I lost my train of thought and well now my roommate came in. So yeah where was I yeah about people from my town. I miss my parents and well I guess the town I little bit. When I was there it was fun the first couple of 15 years and then you get into high school and well pretty much all you want to do is leave there is only so much you can do and well crossing the border and getting drunk it not on my top list of great things to do like it was some of my fellow classmates. But my parents are very special people to me and so is my boyfriend, I don't know they always seem to understand me no matter what mood I may be in or anything like that, I guess we all turn into terrible people sometimes, but not on purpose. My mom is like the most loving person and well so is my dad I have just always considered myself to be lucky to have such great people like them as my parents so understanding and just giving. Giving to other people giving of advice and well just anything they have to give. The time has gone pretty fast in this thing at first I thought it would go by slow but no it has gone pretty fast. And so to continue with my day I walked back to my dorm alone from the Union and well sometimes its good to be alone and well the school looks so much more peaceful when there are not a lot of people trying to get to class and well the way back from somewhere is always so much faster and shorter than when you are walking to get on time and you just get frustrated because the sidewalk just gets longer. | low | high | high | low | low |
Yaaaaay. I'm doing psychology things. I'm really tired. And I wish I didn't' have to study so that I could go to sleep. I also wish I could type faster. I'm glad I'm here. Because being almost anywhere is better than being in Baytown. Except for being in Houston. Houston is all concrete and construction. But UT has squirrels. And lots of them. . What am I going to say in the whole 20 mins. I have to say anything I want? . Will people actually read this?. I guess I don't care if they do. Because I'm the type of person that thinks it's pointless to write for my own enjoyment. I get enjoyment out of other people reading what I write and then them enjoying it. . Hmm. I miss my boyfriend. Even tho he made me ANGRY last nite. He's still a nice and good boyfriend. On another totally random note. I've got this pimple on my face. Hahaha. It hurts! And it bothers me too! I want it to disappear! Not that it makes me look bad. I actually think it makes me look somewhat cute! hahah. That's kind of weird. Oh well. I wish I had a memory card for my playstation so I can finish Final Fantasy 8. At this rate. It'll take me YEARS to finish it. But maybe this is for the better. So I can study instead of play, because I would definitely be playing that and Metal Gear Solid. But. Only on weekends. Hahaha. I'm a girl that plays video games. I'm weeeeeiiiiiirrrrd. I wonder if I can get that job at the LanCave. I would be EVER SO HAAAAAPPPYYY. That would be awesome. It doesn't seem hard at all. just like the same stuff I did at eb but instead of renting people games I sold it to them. I don't miss eb at all. I wonder if Julia left yet. That place is the devil. And video games are the spawn of the devil. . I wonder what Marky is doing over at UofH. I hope he's having fun and he's not regretting his decision to go to UofH instead of UT. yah. We used to be big UT heads. Then he changed his mind and I changed my mind. And then I changed my mind again. And the I changed my mind back again to UT and now here I am. Woot woot go me. I think I'm getting carpal tunnel syndrome. I hope there's free therapy after this writing exercise. blaaaaaaah. I haven't met very many people that are into stuff that I'm into. Except for Maryam. I can't wait to meet some other dorky kids that are into videogames and Japanese and cute fashion stuff. I want to go to Anime Club on Friday. But I will be going all alone because I"m sure that Ashley will not come with me. But Maryam might! I totally forgot. I will call and ask her. But that means that I have to give up Wushu practice. Maaan. I have such big dreams. But I have no idea which ones to follow. That gets frustrating. Okay. If I decide to give up Wushu. Then maybe I can get into fencing. or maybe even Kendo. But wushu is so neeeeaaat! but I don't know if I even have the strength to do it. it's crazy. maybe I should not do and just try again next year. No hard feelings, I hope. I don't even know if I'll have money to pay for that. I hope I get ANY job on campus. I'm. just. Bleh. I hope I get to stop being so anti-social. I'm not really anti-social. just a bit shy and cautious about who I talk to. I think that's a good thing. However, it can be very lonely. My wrists hurt. I wonder if my brother is having fun at home. probably not. Lol. He never seems to be having fun when he's alone. Aww. Now I feel bad for leaving him. Maybe he'll be encouraged to invite his friends over to hang out or something. I don't want him to be all lonely like I was as a junior in high school. . I wonder if my older brother has decided to go to graduate school yet. Or if he's really thinking about that invention thing. Heh. At least he's got his major and he's doing it in 4 YEARS. go him. He's my hero. Hahaha. I'm glad he kind of knows what he wants to do, because I sure don't. I'm torn between wanting something that will be lucrative and people will really need, and doing something that I looooove to do with all my heart. I've found, thru various high school experiences and the first year long relationship, that I can learn to love almost anything. which is a bad thing. I have no idea what I'm really good at and have no idea exactly how to find out. I already feel like I'm running out of time right now as I sit here typing out a required assignment. It's crazy. And frustrating. And I don't' want to try to do too many things at once, because that is what caused my uber-dramatic downfall my senior year. Okay. Maybe it wasn't a downfall. But it did make me realize some stuff about being human that you would think I'd know already, having been a human for almost 19 years. Silly me. Oh well. It won't happen again here, because I'm not in Baytown and I'm away from people that drag me down. I can choose who to interact with most times here, so that puts me in a position of power I rarely have. Yaaay for college. very glad I'm here and not in Baytown. | high | low | low | low | high |
I have so much work to do and it all seems to just pile up on me. In highschool I think was so used to just doing things the nigh before and I knew I could get it on but now that I'm in college I can't be doing that stuff. I had a weird dream when I took a nap after my 3:30 class. I drempt that I was at my physic teachers wedding and I was in the third row I believe and the lady he was marrying who was a chemistry teacher was mad that me and my friend were there at the wedding. The rings they were getting married with were being passed around and they both had big pearls on them. Right before the ceremony began my physics teacher looked back and recognized he had two former students at his wedding [me and my friend] and he smiled and then the dream ended. I kind of freaked out, I'm not sure why. When I woke up I wanted to call my friend and tell her about the dream. I didn't end up calling her. After I had been awake for a while I started thinking about my Junior year in highschool [which is when I had my Physics teacher], he was a pretty good teacher, I really learned a lot that year. My parents are coming up this weekend for the UT game, I get to see my little brother so I'm real excited for that. I miss him a lot. I just ate Wendy's a little while ago and I'm stuffed. I'm exhausted, my mind and body are very tired. Last night I fell asleep around 1:00 and that's the earliest I have fallen asleep since I've been here in Austin. In between and after classes I find myself napping and I think that makes it worse because at night I can't sleep at all. Me and my roommate really get along, I like that. Okay I think I'm going brain dead, or maybe its because I'm tired. I'm happy I'm getting this out of the way now rather than the day before, I know its not a big deal but still. It helps to just finish these things a little earlier than expected. I love Austin so much. I miss my friends back at home but I don't miss the Valley, which is where I'm from, Edinburg to be exact. It's' funny how things just fly by so fast, I wonder if college will fly by as fast as highschool did. who knows! I feel overwhelemd, not just with reading and school work but with other things beside that. My parents expect me to bring all A's and I guess that can be possible but come on, I don't think I'll get ALL A's through college. I just want to do well enough to get into the graduate school I want to go too. Another thing that's bothering me is the whole boy problem thing. My boyfriend goes to UTSA and its not the long distance thing that is bothering me, it's the whole "being tied down" part. There's so many people to meet here and I care about my boyfriend a lot but he messed up once and my ways of thinking about him and I have altered in a sense that could there really be someone else out there for me? My mom says I'll never know unless I "venture out" and see what could be out there. I think I'm the type of person that is nice, maybe too nice. Why do people take advantage of that? It's not fair. I think I need to be a more stronger person when it comes to certain issues. I guess these are just the typical girl problems. It's funny how guys don't really care or think about things like that. It's also funny how guys minds are so much different from girls and how their views are completely oppposite. I really need to catch up with reading in Psychology, I think that's the only think I'm a little behind in, as far as reading. I want to have a good semester and leave during the Christmas holidays knowing that I did my best as far as that semester was concerned. Today in Astronomy we talked about the stars and how old they are and all that stuff and today when I was walking back from Wendy's, I couldn't help but look up at the moon and stars and then reflect back to my Astronomy class. All that stuff is so cool. I would LOVE to go to the moon that would be cool, but its one of those things I want to do but probably wouldn't do it if I could. Well time is almost up and I enjoyed this a lot. Bye! | low | low | high | high | high |
I just got done doing some homework for critical thinking and it is really late. I am extremely tired and I wish I would have done this assignment earlier. This is hard to write when I am so tired. I should have not talked on the phone all night and done my work earlier, but I was such a good conversation. Its funny how I always want to type about just nothing and now I can but it feels weird. Anyway my conversation was about me going home this weekend. I am going home because my uncle and his wife are down from North Carolina and my mom wants me to visit. I wonder how my cousins (my uncle that's downs kids) are doing. One is my age and the other is two years older then me. They both go to college but I'm not sure where. I also have cousins that go to Texas State. the other day I was thinking about calling one of them to see if she wanted to hang out since we are so close. but I don't have her number. I actually havent even talked to her in a year almost. The last time I saw her was last thanksgiving. We always eat thanksgiving dinner and my great aunts house. Thinking about Thanksgiving is making me hungry for some green bean casarole. My mom always makes that for Thanksgiving. Its the best! So is fried okra. I had that for dinner last night with some mashed potatoes at the Jester City Limits. Jester City Limits has some good food but its very tiring and makes me feel like I eat to much, they should close earlier so I can't eat so much. Running is very good. I actually found the energy to go run today. In high school I played soccer so I was in really good shape and ran a whole lot. NOw I don't run at all and I need to. Hopefully I can keep the routine of running all the time. I was suppose to fun with my next door neighboor today but she went later. Its funny I have lived her and she has been my neighbor for almost two weeks and yesterday was the first time I meet her. She is a really cool girl. We also meet two other girls from the same hallway. I like meeting people. I also meet a guy and me, him, and steph went to HEB how strange is that? then we went to go eat ice cream. It was really good, really expensive, and really sweet. The girl Steph works at an ice cream/ coffee shop that is hiring now. I intend on putting in an application there soon. Jobs are good, because you get money and I need lots of money so I can pay for my traffic ticket. I speed everywhere and I get a ticket for running a red light. how weird. Yesterday my friend Ryan ran one too in front of a cop and he didn't get stopped. o the luck I have. I actually shouldn't complain about my luck, I know people with way worse luck then myself. my little sisters friend megan has really bad luck. Her dad died the other day. It was really sad I wonder if she is doing any better? probably. I wonder what the little sister is doing right now anyway. I think she has a volleyball game tommorrow. She is so cute she plays soccer just because I played. I like how she looks up to me. I wish I would have had a really old sister to look up to. The closest thing to that where my cousins, who know live in alaska and montana. Alaska would be a very crazy place to live. I'm not sure I would want to live there even though my grandma says it was vvery very beautiful. I am going to visit the old grandparents very soon. I am flying there in two weekends. I love flying, I have always dreamed of becoming a flight attendent one day. I think that would be so fun to get to fly anywhere you want whenever for free. I have always wanted to travel to different places and that would be the perfect oppurtunity. I think I just spelt that word wrong. o well I don't want to fix it. So I see that this writing assignment is almost done. that was the fastest 20 minuetes that have ever passed by I really want to go to sleep. | low | low | high | low | high |
I wasn't expecting to get sick, but for some strange reason, I am sneezing, coughing, and everything, it is crazy. I am surprising myself lately though. I thought I would be much more home sick, but I don't know what I am missing, or if I am missing anything at all. I know I miss work, nothing made me more happy really. I know it wasn't fun all the time, but the people there made it worthwhile. One in particular, no two in particular both for different reasons. I wonder when life is going to get easy. I have been working hard since I was 16, balancing a job, school, and trying to have a life. Trying is the key word. Sometimes I think I missed out in high school. I was never the party type, only because my parents wouldn't let me do anything, but I understand that they just want the best for me and don't want me to make the same mistakes that they made. What they don't understand is that, it is holding me back, because eventually I may be in the same situation that they were in, and I won't know what to do. If I were to live anywhere in the world I would live in England, Surrey was nice. London is amazing. I don't know what to say other than when I was there I felt home, I loved it. I surprisingly enjoyed having the ability to commute rather than drive. I enjoy taking drives though. When I was at home, I enjoyed just grabbing my keys and going. I never had a particular destination, but my favorite drives were at night, with the sun roof open, oh how it was so peaceful. Kind of like sailing. Recently I joined the saililng club, it is nice, I wish there was more wind my first sail, but even so it was still unbelievably calm, and placid. It was so nice, and made time go by so fast. I feel so stupid about Endochine, I can't believe we were just talking to them and didn't know it was then, awwww. I feel so stupid. But then again there are a lot of times I feel stupid. too many to list. I can not wait to go to the football game. I miss band the most from high school, there was nothing like marching into the stadium, especially this past year when the crowd was actually happy that we were there. I honestly never thought I would see the day that that would happen. Christina Aguilera's CD is very good, at least most of it. it is kind of sad at the same time. It is surprising how cold it was this morning, here I am dressed as if it were 98 degrees outside and it feels more like 70 unbelievable this is supposed to be Texas. I am so glad my Aunt and her partner are here , even if Lester isn't exactly the most honest or faithful person, it is still nice to see Linda. I love accents, I wish I had an english accent. for some reason I especially like the way after they say something they follow it up with mate or love. Another reason I want to move to London, I love the way they talk. I also love Orlando Bloom who also lives in England, he is gorgeous. But sometimes I wonder if he, in real life is stuck up or real down to earth. That irritates me when you see celebrities that think they can have anything they want, and the way people gravel at their feet. They are no different from the average joe other than they can pretend to be someone they are not and get paid for it. pretty sweet deal actually, I wish someone would pay me to be someone else so I could live a fairy tale. Sometimes I wish life were like a movie, not like the Faculty though. more like Kate and Leopold. Mostly love stories, that would be amazing. Though at the same time it might be too predictable. One can wish though right. I wonder what I am going to be when I grow up, I mean really grow up. I really have no likes or dislikes, which sometimes makes me wonder, if I have a personalitly, or if I am just here. How is it possible for people to exist anyways. I don't know if I buy the whole evolution thing or the Bible. If the Bible is true then were did the dinosaurs come from. And if vice versa then how did the Bible come about. I still believe there is a God because I think it is important to have something to believe in. But sometimes I think what if God wasn't real. There would be many times I would be lost in my life in that case. For some reason. I think there is some sort of force that looks out for people, | high | low | low | high | low |
well I am sitting here in my bed just before 11 AM on a thursday morning writing out a conscious stream of my thoughts. my girlfriend is coming to see me this weekend and I'm excited about that, as well as the fact that my best friend is going back home for the weekend and leaving his apartemnt at my disposal. an apartment is a much better place to stay with your girlfriend than any god-forsaken dormatory, especially since my room mate will be here. football game saturday agains UNT, and I love my football. I've always loved college football and now that I get to go and watch my team, one of the best in the nation, play is a great experience for me, on that I will enjoy greatly for the next few years. speaking of which, I'm pretty hacked off that I was unaware that you had to purchase tickets to the OU game seperately, and more than that, that there was no obvious information on the season ticket website about this. I'm getting back into the flow of school again, and most of my classes seem like they will be rather easy, assuming that I read the material and pay attention in class, which I might add is tough to do on a regular basis. I've havent attended a single calculus study session which greatly frees up my tuesdays and thursdays, having only one class in the late afternoon. I love not having to write with proper punctuation and capitalization. the experiment in class the other day was very interesting. I personally though lie detectors were a bunch of crap, but the psychological side of them is pretty interesting. I wouldn't mind doing a psychological study of poker players and how they interact while playing hold 'them, etc. Some of the calls they make about other peoples hands are simply amazing. what makes someone fold a good hand? what makes a person be able to win on a bluff? these are interesting events to me. but anyways, I wish I didn't have any homework this weekend, as a matter of fact I need to finish reading chapter three in my psyc book, I'll attend to that after I finish writing this. hmmmm, what else, oh yeah. last night I played with four of my friends in a pick up game at the gym. the first game we won, the second game we won, and the third game we lost by one shot to a team led by a steriod, testosterone-over pumped crazy kid who was a complete jerk. it's interesting that everyone on my team was pissed off, except for me. they are normally the ones who tell me to chill out cause I get mad and stuff. I sort of miss dallas and my girl, but I know that we're both very committed and that she loves me a lot. she's a great girl and I'd hate to have to do all this without her, although I wish she was at TSU, that would make things much, much easier. I'm really hungry, I wish this timer would hurry up, I need to shave, wash my face, brush my teeth, eat something, finish reading, do some homework, and study for a quiz I have tomorrow in economics. I hope that quiz won't be too hard. I'll just have to memorize the stuff in the book such as the expendeture approach to GDP, which is that GDP=C+I+G+(I'M-EX). wow, I'm really glad I can remember that and I havent even studied yet, but the income approach is a little harder, even though I know I can get that easily if I just study it for a little while. will thanks for the time, my 20 are up. bye. | high | high | high | low | low |
I'm home. wanted to go to bed but remembered that I had a psychology homework to complete by sometime during next week. Maybe this wouldn't take that long. I can handle this. Something is making a noise in the restroom. Did I turn on the fan? I got to write more. This is harder than I thought. I'm not thinking anything. Was I always like this when I didn't have anything to do? Should I go to bed after finishing this assignment or should I stay awake. I think I had an appointment with someone. Or maybe it was some kind of meeting, that was not mandatory to participate in. Is there any assignments besides this. My roommate took my digital camera yesterday, but it's right beside me, now. Wonder what he did with it. I'll ask him when he comes back. My eyes hurt. I should really do something about my glasses. When should I go fix it. ? Feel tired. I should really go to bed. Only 9 minutes passed. Half way done. Wonder if I can just stop here. Maybe not. Hm. let's see. What am I thinking? Wow my feet are covered with dirt. Amazing I didn't notice that until now. How did I get this on my legs? I want to wash it off but I'll wait until this assignment is over. 8 minutes to go. What are my parents doing anyway? Hope they're doing fine. When would they be able to receive the email I sent few minutes ago. Anyways, I feel like I really had to finish something today but can't remember what it was. Guess I'll figure it out after taking a nap. Am I still not there. Never knew how long a 20 minute could be. Thirsty. No water around. Now I'm curious what the purpose of this assignment is and what kind of point professor is trying to make. Time is almost up. | low | high | low | low | high |
Stream of consiousnesssskdj. How do you spell that? Fuck if I know. I don't seem to know much today. why the fuck am I so off. I'm just writing this shit cause it sounds pitiful. Or will hell the writing sounds like I'm writing for someone else to read. No one is going to read this, nor does what I write matter. So confess away. Make it worthwhile. What is this fucking heat I feel all the time, what the hell, I've heard the scientific explanations but they don't feel right. Hot cold I don't know. It prickles mwhen I should. I got a damn ticket today. my first one damnit. I was doing so good but I knew it was coming it was inevitable I f I brag about what I have why shoul di have what I get its not the fucking point to tel everyone else that I have it better than them. humanity is fuckecd can we save it which I knew I don't know anything all scienctific fac tis bullshit maybe some theory might hold over but that would be total luck. string wtf. microfribers connecting us all. Howhippie that's ridiculous how do I float about life s easily just things come when I need them to. really really badly and make an effort and it sthere. its that way for some certainly not job ha ha that's the fuckin shit dud ei m so funny. I really like my new sense of the humore isnce the rool. the roll. jese what the hell was that I would like know. Dead space. And I type what a prick. the constant battle. Why is there a batlle are normal people at peace I don't think so otherwise well religion . I wonder what time it is I'm going toclose fuckk shit I'm I sweare I'm wahts it called the shit I know fuck ah ah damn I forgot to much pot is that problem is it the drugs. I really need to stop smoking cigarettes why is it harder now that she will be here sooner shouldn't I be overwhelmed with joy, iam but also shit is just annoying and I don't know what to do about that, I wish I had some sort of sign but I already had my gift and know what I need to do how can I reationally use a drug experience to justify mylife, but it just feels right you knwo the path, now don't fuck it, is that hard why am I lead so far astray things are fyckeed up she feels off and away from me I want this to finish so I can meditate since I'm almsot there how do I fall into trances so easily I feel the warmth over my body enveloping me. holding me tight in its arms guiding me a warmer shorre, I hate comign back I'm going to be out if I do that, its ok, I can talk to my baby while I'm eout shell understand my fingers are getting tired I can type really relay fast if I want to ha anyone readying this hasd no idea how fast I'm typing, they could estimate but thye wouldn't know for sure so ha. Reviewing what I have writtin was odd, it was like reading a trippers rants while high. My warmth. Wow, I sound so out there. I do feel that this is the way though, my path was a gift and I should appreciate it. Most people don't get to have visions of their daughter, I don't rember the face anymore, I'm so lost. This is so hard to do. I hate it. Why can't we just have our time. Alone. Away. Just the two of us and then the little one. I can't remeber her face but I can remeber that emotion. what a physical change when I think of her. I can feel the warmth surrounding my body. The love taking everything over. but then the back gives out and I kill my chakras. Transliteration sucks. 20 min of writing my thoughts is intense. the difference in punctuation is shocking, in the begging I used a lot of epsilons(mas o menos) and was excited, then I peak and nothing but chops of sentances, no punctiuations, calm down, have commas, and then periods. awesome, I lost my network connection. I wonder if that ruins this. | high | low | high | low | high |
It is Wednesday, December 8th and a lot has been going on this semester. I am trying to finish the semester out as strong as possible but it has not gone the way it was expected to go. although the overall grades that will be received is not that overall impressive, I know the work that was put into this semester was the most put into to school since high school. the only class that was a disappoint meant so far was my psy class. with two test left, there was still a chance to make an A or B in the class which was expected. it turns out after bad test four results when everything felt as if the test went well, the goal of the class shifted from trying to get an A or B to get simply trying to get a C and pass. granted that the most stress of the semester fell during the week of test three due to all the health issues and having like 10 different assignments and three test, it was still a disappointing outcome but focus can only be placed on what is left. the last three exam are going to be pretty tough with a chance for me to make to A's and a B's if a perfect score is received on two of the finals and an A on the other. My only focus has been on the two exams on Saturday but it does not feel like there is enough time in the day for every topic to be covered. all that can be done is to prepare as much as possible and pray that everything turns out right. doing well in school this semester would relieve the large amount of pressure that is a result of me not being concerned with school over family issues. It seems as though just when I try to get on track a new unthinkable obstacle just shows up. this semester the fact that I was taken advantage of and received and std as a result of doing something I did not want to do in the first place really makes me mad but I still have to be mad at myself for getting myself in that situation. next semester hopefully no random distractions will pop up and my grades will be all a's which is very possible for me to achieve. Making it through this semester is the number one thing in mind right now. all that is left is to push through these exams and finish strong. all I can do is my best the rest is out of my hands. I have to do something to make it easier for my parents. | low | low | low | high | low |
Man this week has been hellish. Anyways, now it's time for the 20 minute writing assignment. I'm pretty exhausted at the moment, and have a lot of studying to do tonight. My eyelids are pretty heavy, my hair damp. I just got out of the shower because I was working out. I think I have developed a pretty noticable case of ADD (attention deficate disorder) from various substances. It's difficult for me to keep writing without my mind wandering. My friend just walked in the room talking about some funny asian kids next door to us. Now its going to be even harder to concentrate. He just said the word tit. It's such a funny word, I'm sure you would agree. My mouth tastes like butt, I need to stop smoking cigarettes. Crap, I just looked at the time and realized I didn't record what time I started at. I hope this thing is timing it for me. "Simply type continuously, tracking your thoughts and feelings for the entire 20 minutes. " My thoughts are scrambled. So much to soak in, so much going on. Individual words strike up new emotions about various subjects. My friend said the word mom, I thought of my mom. I don't want to go home and probably wouldn't except for the fact that my mom misses me so much. I keep getting distracted by music that I'm playing, it's probably not best to be listening to it while working, but this is an informal assignment (if I remember correctly) so hopefully I'll be fine. I can't wait for tomorrow to be over and the weekend to begin. The band I'm listening to is called The Roots, they'll be playing next weekend at ACL. I'd really like to see them there, they are a really good and well known hip-hop group. Tix are 80 bucks so its doubtful ill be going all 3 days, maybe I'll just get a one day pass. I could also meet a lot of people at the ACL fest (hopefully). I feel kind of lonely at the moment, I thought I would have made a lot more knew friends here at the university by now. It seems to me that most people are still hanging out with their friends and clicks from high school, kind of lame in my opinion. I hang out with my roommate and another friend from high school, most of the time the latter. We go out and attempt to seek out other people like us, whom we find unique or "cool. " One major complaint I have about the people here is that it seems like everyone is still trying to prove themselves. Just like high school, except more facial hair. I might just be depressed and seeing everything in a negative light, but at the moment it all seems logical to me. My friend just came back in the room. He's cool. We're going to go study chemistry as soon as I'm done with this assignment. Man I need to stop chatting on the internet, my typing is really horrible. I keep forgetting to capitalize letters, and I keep spelling things incorectly. Like I was saying, it's a pitty that everyone here seems so fake. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of people that seem really interesting, but at the same mind it sickens me how everyone conforms to certain styles and clicks. god damn, grow up people. Everyone's trying so hard to get laid. Please don't grade me down. I can't help but writing about this crap, it consumes me. Writing this actually hasn't been hard at all. Right now I'm feeling a little more relaxed and lighthearted than I was before writing. it might be a good idea to start writing regularly. It could be good for me, and I think it's cool when people do things like that. I love writing, but not necessarily structured writing. I wonder how long it's been. My whole body is tired, man I'm lonely. I need a girlfriend! Party's are NOT a good way to meet girls here, stupid sluts just looking for a good time. It seems like there are less people here like me than I thought there would be. I was expecting a more mature student body. Don't get me wrong, I like partying, I love getting drunk, I love having fun. I don't know where I'm going with this. It just seems people here are kind of stuck up on themselves, and not as intelligent and interesting as I thought they would be. Oh well, we all can dream. | high | low | low | low | high |
I have just gotten off the phone with brady. I'm trying to decide what exacly we will do this weekend. he wants to go to a hotel, but I know I have to babysit and I'm not sure exactly how I will tell my dad to pick us up from here. My birthday is this weekend, and it doesn't really even feel like it. I don't really mind, but I have a feeling Brady probably won't do much for it. I almost feel like I'm always doing something for him. I should, I really care about him. He says he will pay for the hotel, but I don't really want that for my birthday. I'ts just not htat important to me. I feel guilty today for lying to my dad about gettin gout of the TIP program. I know that sometimes I have to lie about things like that in order for them to understand. I haven't heard from my mom so I'm not sure if she's mad at me or not. She probably doesn't care, but when she does find out she will freak. I wish Brady would pay more attention. He tries so hard, but it doesn't seem like he has the chance to do so. I need to work out. I'm feeling that although I don't weigh that much my weight is getting out of control. Perhaps I'm overreacting. Kristen and I went shopping yesterday. I really don't plan on shopping anymore. Yikes. We don't really need anything anyways. I need a strapless bra though. I'm surprised I didn't get one. oh well. I wish I could figure out what to do on Friday with Brady. I want Kristen to be able to hang out with us too. He's concerned that I tell her too mucha bout our personal life, but I really don't. Dana kind of pisses me off. Why is everyone so negative about a caring relationship? She's probably just jealous, she hasn't been able to keep a guy at all for a long time. I'm concerned for her because I don't want her to be doing drugs anymore, but she probably is. She has too much sex too. lol. It's hard to not be concerned with what your friends are doing. Kristen is surprisingly very understanding to everything that's going on in my life. She's caring and funny to be around. I wasn't sure what to expect since she's friends with Kristin, Hayley etc. They apparently aren't waht I expected them to be. They play if off to be all God-like, when in all realtiy they judge pretty much everyone. I don't think that is right. Although I'm not that religious, I do care about God and don't think that those kinds of behavior are fair. I'm looking att he picture of Brady and me. Kris was kind of weird about the whole boyfriend thing. I hope that brady and I last. I would do anything to spend the rest of my life with him. I care about him so much, and the distance hurts. I think it isi probably for the best though. I can't imagine having to go to school with him. His roommates aren't as crazy as I thought, but bad enough. I jut hope that he doesn't get heavy into drinking,a nd I don't assume he will. Sarah is a bitch, I can't believe she comes off like taht. ugh, it really bothers me. I wonder what it's like at home without me there. My mom is making a big deal about me not calling, but in all honesty I just don't care. I don't know why I'm so unfeeling lately. It's probably because I'm about to start my period. maybe I'll skip it this month, in fact I probably will. I don't usually have allergies, but for some reason my eyes keep tearing. It's either my contacts or allergies. I just changed my contacts though. I really have to pee. The eyes watering is a little embarrassing. Sometimes I wish I coiuld do more. I kind of wish I woul dhave rushed to be in a sorority. I feel as though I ahve no friends because I have lost them to brady. Should I go to florida with my parents during spring break or should I spend time with Brady instead? Maybe I could make money babysitting. That would be nice. I hope my parents aren't mad because I want to babysit on Saturday instead ofdoing my birthday thing. I don't see why it would be that big of a deal, but apparently it is. I kind of want to go tanning, but it's not good with my current skin situation and whatnot. that reminds me of richard rush. I wonder how he is doing. Spoiled brat. I'm really hungry too. I'm not sure what I'm going to eat, but I wish Kristen would get here so taht we can go eat. That would be really good. lol. I'm hoping that I won't look old when I'm 25 or so. Heck, I don't even know what I want to do with my life. I almost feel as though if I marry Brady will accomplish everything. I want so badly to be with him forever. NO one understand me like he does. I wish I had saved myself for him, like he did for me. How is he able to only commit to me? I must care about him so much that he feels like he should. I'm glad that I've gotten to know hhis family a lot better. his mom is honestly really nice to me, and I don't ahve a problem with her anymore. It would be awesome to be ilke paris hilton. She's has it really good. I wonder what it would be like if my parents lived more like they should. They are always trying to save money when in reality being multi-millionaires does not mean that you should only do that. Perhaps it's a shock from the inheritance or something. I don't know. It's confusing to me. Ok, this is getting old. I'm a little tired of writing. It's probably because I'm hungry. I'm a little confused as to what I should study here at school. I've had an interst in psychology, but do I really want to do that for the rest of my life. I know it doesn't just end here, but I feel as though there aren't many options when it comes to what I can do with my life. yay, kristen got back and we can go eat now. My time is almost over. I'm about to pee in my pants too. AHHHHH!!!!! some people try to hard | high | low | low | high | high |