text
stringlengths 7
12.8k
| Openness
stringclasses 2
values | Conscientiousness
stringclasses 2
values | Extraversion
stringclasses 2
values | Agreeableness
stringclasses 2
values | Neuroticism
stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Today has seriously been the longest day ever and guess what? It's only the 4th day of classes. that's a horrible thing to think about. I stepped off of the 7th floor elevator at Jester and was once again overcome by that odor of hamster cage. It's awful. I've been on some other floors and it doesn't smell like that. I wonder if it's the carpet or something, but obviously nobody cares enough about it to fix it, so that's cool I guess. I got a sign on my door that says they are going to paint all the doors starting tomorrow. I'm totally sure that its going to smell so much better on this floor after that. yeah right. This oatmeal cream pie is great, I'm so hungry because I haven't eaten all day yet, and all my professors successfully fried my brain. I hate when I don't know everything. well I don't mean everything because nobody knows everything, but more like. I hate when I can't understand something right away, probably because I know that means I have to spend extra time learning it later on and that's never any fun. I swear that when I used to eat these oatmeal cream pies they were bigger, so maybe the manufacturer downsized the product or something. I wouldn't be surprised, or maybe now I'm just so much bigger than the cookie itself, instead of when I used to eat them years ago. Who knows? or actually who cares. Kate just called me and she's not going to eat until later, so guess that means I'm going to the chem. review at 5. It'll probably be really good for me so I shouldn't complain, but complaining is so fun, yet so annoying all at the same time. I can't believe that I'm actually excited about going home this weekend, not for long, but I kind of feel like I'm missing out on so much in San Antonio, even though I'm not. I can't wait to get some good Mexican food. it's been too long. What a horrible affect working at a Mexican restaurant all summer had on me. Oh well. The football game this weekend should be extremely awesome !! I'm so excited, my first UT football games as a STUDENT in the STUDENT section. ha-ha. and actually I think my 3rd or 4th game ever to see, how cool. I saw something on Austin's news talking about ordering the games on PPV. that's crazy. I really hope that doesn't mean that here in town all the games are blacked out and I can't watch them. like the away games for example. That'd be so cool if I could get tickets to the OU game. I hear that there's nothing like it, and I'm sure that's true. but you have to get pretty lucky and then you have to pay 85 bucks. and assuming that you get all that taken care of. you kind of have to make sure you know at least someone else going, meaning that they have to get through that whole process as well, pretty crazy, but I guess if all else fails I can order ir PPV for 40 bucks. yeah right, that game better be on ABC or something. I actually called Kenny today, after my first Biology class. he didn't answer, hopefully it was because he was in class. I don't know why but for some reason I really feel like he doesn't like me the way he did before I went down to San Antonio this past weekend. it's cool I guess. since I'm here and he's there, but I don't know. I wish that we wouldn't of met, so that I wouldn't have to deal with it. But then again I don't wish that because he's a cool guy. so much like me though, it's kind of scary. I wish that I could be the only one playing games and he would just profess his like for me everyday, but then again. if he did that I wouldn't like him, since it's all about the chase. crazy how those things work out. he's been exceptionally mean though. well just yesterday, but like he says it's his way of flirting, but ha-ha whatever. I like that boy. dang I just admitted it. I don't like him actually. I just don't know. I definitely don't think we're each others types though. he belongs around a much more rowdy "Karla" type and he might just be a little too crazy for me. Sounds like a challenge. I'm pretty hungry for like some real food, I guess I'll go down to JCL in a little bit and find something, that cinnamon toast crunch and oatmeal cream pie just didn't do it for me. and I'm exceptionally tired too. I ended up being 5 minutes late to my calculus discussion this morning, and I don't think it even helped me that much since I barely got a B on the homework. Man, I miss high school math classes. Everything was definitely explained SO much better, so yeah needless to say I'm pretty freaked out about that, I'm actually freaked out about all my classes. Oh well. | low | high | low | low | high |
Okay, I am writing this thing called stream of consciousness writing. I find it hard to type right now. I don't know if I should follow proper grammar. My Norton firewall just detected another blocked intrusion. I don't like this. Annoying hackers. Why don't they just go one with their lives without bothering decent people like me. I have 4 roommates and they are all good except for one. He is nice and all but he does have annoying habits and it seems he does not know proper manners. He watches TV loudly even though he knows people are trying to sleep. He even woke me up listening to music using my own computer without asking my permission to use it. That is so annoying and I can't stand it right now. My goodness, it has only been 3 mins? I've been writing a lot of things already. My arms are hurting because I can't type for so long and I hate typing. I'm not a typer, my brother and cousin are flawless typers but I am not. I already had so many errors in typing right now it is so annoying me. I want to destroy this key board. I want to use the voice typing method but even that is a pathetic technology which is still in its infancy. This is really annoying me. I want to take the psych research right now but I can't because I am not 18 yet. That is a load of bullshit if u ask me. can't it be 17? What is your advantage to your peers in the same batch or class who are older than you by a few months?? A few months of extra knowledge??? I don't think so. I hate my birthday, there is also a math midterm on my birthday, hooray for me. how nice, what a nice birthday gift. I have a tendency to measure how much I type. I always limit myself and not going to much bec. I always fear my efforts are being wasted or something and I am very lazy so I will rather do nothing or stop doing something if there is no punishment involved. Like this writing assignment right now, if this was not graded or the lose of not doing this is very minimal, I will just stop and just receive the consequences rather than waste 20 minutes of my time doing nothing but write, senseless writing. And I ate writing, I hate the damn typo errors, I hate now typing fluidly like others, I hate making mistakes, I hate typing because it hurts my hands and fingers! I hate this activity. I am not in a very good mood right now, I kind of understand that, I wonder why? Is it my roommate? maybe, is it this senseless activity? maybe. maybe its because University of Texas has cut my freaking internet, no I can't download beyond 8 gigs. nooo bec. u are taking up too much bandwidth and leaving none for the others. What do I say? I say to hell with the others, what do they care if they don't really use the internet in the first place. They are just wasting bandwidth on nothing. This is just pathetic. You guys are afraid of the recording companies, the RCAA or something like that. That's what you are. Afraid. Why don't you just leave us alone like other schools? They have FREE internet, not this cheap limited "u have to pay" for internet. I am just ranting away all my frustrations on this thing aren't I? I hope no one reads it, if u do. the hell do I care! Damn it. College life sucks. To much reading. Everyone expects you to read all the chapters and expect you to understand the next day during the lecture. Well, tough luck, we are not that smart. Some people do well in lectures and some do well with books. Some people just can understand with the book so why do u pick on us?? Everything you test should be on your lectures. The book is just for bringing your knowledge of the subject to a more concrete manner. Lectures are what really is important, and you just read the book to review. You don't test what u do not teach in lectures!! Thank God I only have a few more minutes left. My fingers are burning now. I cannot be stuck doing the same thing for prolonged periods of time. It is just not right. It is so boring. Funny though. if u come to think of it. Ironic. I cannot stand doing a same thing for so long but I can stand doing nothing for so long. What kind of person am I? Indolent. Lazy. Pathetic. That's what I am. A person who does not want to leave his little protective sphere. a controlled sphere. I am afraid to do things with risks, I will never succeed in life like that. Doomed not to be a leader. | low | low | low | low | high |
I am worried about my brother, Bobby, right now. My mother just called me and told me he was in a bad car accident and was taken to the ER. She said he is okay, but they are stitching him up right now. Tonight I went to church with my best friend, Amanda. We sang a lot, which I love. I'm not necessarily the best singer, but I really enjoy it. All the songs we sang tonight, I knew from my church at home in Plano. That made me happy. I also signed up for teams at church. Right now I am a little frustrated though because Amanda and I are trying to do our Art History homework, but the website won't let me download the article I need. Very Frustrating!!! Oh, I need to go wash my dishes when I'm done with this. Amanda and I made chili-cheese dogs. They were great!! My roommate, Sijia, is not home yet, and this worries me because it is pretty late, and she shouldn't be walking around Austin alone in the dark. I have to write a paper for my freshman seminar class for Friday on two pieces of music that I have not been able to listen to yet, which frustrates me. I just found out about the assignment today. School is going well though, a little stressing, but all around, it is going well. All day I listened to one of the best songs I have heard in a long time called "How Could I". The music in this song is very well played, and the lyrics are really good (sad though), and the lead singer (of oleander)'s voice is very soft and pretty. I have to do a geology assignment for my discussion section tomorrow which is a little stressing because the article for the paper I have to write is about 20 pages long. I didn't get much sleep last night because I was trying to read for Art History because I don't learn anything in that class because it does not interest me at all. I woke up early this morning to look over my math homework. I won't get much sleep tonight either. Amanda has music playing in the background right now, but I don't know who is singing. I like the way it sounds though. Tonight I taught Amanda how to tap dance. It was interesting. we went into my bathroom (because it's really big and has a good floor for tapping) and I taught her a few basics. She and I have both danced our entire lives, but she has never taken tap, so I am going to teach her. She is going to teach me pointe, because I haven't done ballet in three years. I have a bad knee, and last summer I had knee surgery, so I haven't been able to do very many classes the last few years. I only took tap and jazz. I miss ballet though. Since I've moved to Austin, I've really missed dance because I don't have a dance studio here. I would like to go take some classes, but I think it would be better to concentrate on school, at least the first semester, and I can just practice at home. I bought new pointe shoes the other day. We had to walk many many miles to get them. Today in geology class, we played football and sang the UT fight song standing up with the "hook 'them" sign in the air. It was a very interesting class. right now I wonder if anyone has IMed me on AIM. I'm really tired, but I won't be able to sleep tonight because I need to do school work. My parents might go to the Bahamas in a few weeks, hopefully I may go as well. I haven't been to a beach in two summers now because of the knee surgery and rehab (for the knee), and this summer we were just too busy. That reminds me, I miss my family in Virginia. Maybe I can fly out there this summer. That would be fun. Virginia is beautiful. The Chesapeake area especially. I'm glad my brother is alright, but when my mother called it worried me. But he will be fine. I cleaned the guest bathroom tonight (I have to do chores around the house because I live in a co-op). Tomorrow I think I'm going to sleep in between classes. I only have two discussion sections. Sijia just got home!! | low | high | low | high | low |
our world is pretty fucked up. I've been watching and reading the news lately, and that is the only thing my mind is consumed with. well not the only thing, but almost the only thing. the world has enough problems with natural disasters, why do we have to create more disasters for ourselves. between hurricane Frances and soon to be hurricane Ivan, why do we need Chechen rebels, and radical terrorists, and radical governmental regimes to make things worse. why is it that people can't seem to answer to the moral code everyone knows in the heart to be right. be it a Christian, a Muslim, or an atheist, every person on this earth knows the difference between right and wrong. so why is that not only do terrible things like this happen, but also, others make excuses about it too? "they're religious. they're unstable. they're on medication. they've had a hard life. man fuck that. people need to first take responsibility for their actions, and secondly they need to realize that what is right is right and what's wrong is wrong. I don't understand this blur of morals and truth. how have we allowed this world to sink to a level where the average human being doesn't know the difference between right and wrong? I suppose I'll get off my soap box now, I just can't fathom the world getting worse, and yet I know that tomorrow, will be even just a little bit worse than today. the only thing I can do is try and change my own actions, my own beliefs, and hopefully lead by example. so I was just reading bush has tried cocaine, while bush senior was president. ha. that makes me laugh, I say more power to bush, he says he's clean, I believe him, I don't think his past should be this big of an issue, especially when he is running against john Kerry. I don't even want to vote, but I feel its my duty. so who am I going to vote for? its like picking the lesser of two evils? and which one is lesser of a SOB than the other one? man I don't know. I suppose I'll vote for bush, being that this is Texas. but I don't know if I'd feel right about that. maybe I'll just write in a vote. I mean I know all of Texas electoral votes are going to bush so does it even matter? maybe I'll run for president one day? naw, I doubt it, I'm not moderate enough. not that I'm a radical, just that I don't think I could say things to appease one person or another. I have my beliefs and damn it, I'm sticking to 'them. that doesn't mean I'm not open to listening and even changing them based on solid arguments, but I'm not going to change them based simply on needing more votes, that's a fucked up way of doing business. this feels good by the way. I'm sitting at a coffee shop and there are two frat daddies in front of me, they're very loud and annoying. I kind of want to say something to them, but then again they're very large men, and, since I'm making snap judgments, they're probably alpha males who would want to fight me. so I'll just let them be. my friend broke up with her boyfriend recently. they're a couple years older than me, and I'm pretty sure he wanted to marry her. she dumped him because she didn't feel ready for that and needs time to get her life together. I can understand and appreciate where she's coming from, but he was tore up about it. anyway, they're here and talking about stuff, I can tell things are getting intense. I didn't even know they were going to be here, and technically I was here first so I suppose they invaded my space but its no big deal. she will probably start crying soon, and he will just shake his head because he doesn't know what to do. man, I feel sorry for them both. he just wants to love her, be there for her. and she doesn't want to hurt him, but she has no choice, she isn't in the same place he is. love is a funny thing. love is a fucked up thing too. I've only been in love once. and I've fallen out of love once. its a painful process. but then again, I wouldn't replace it. it was a profitable, great, shitty, learning experience, one that I can completely support. so why is it that humans love? or choose to love? or choose not to love? I'd like to be able to love someone again, that's a good feeling. to be able to call someone and just talk to them. see how their day was, what they've been up to, and to know that they wanted to talk to you, and ask you about those same things. I wonder what my wife will be like? I wonder when I'll meet her. my brother and his girlfriend are close to getting married I think. I may be wrong, but I doubt it. I think they're both in a place where they're ready to commit for the long haul. that's kind of scary. hey, my brother is going to be married forever. I'm going to have a sister in law. maybe I'll be an aunt or uncle soon. now that is really weird. its crazy how time moves. I feel like graduation was a long time ago, but at the same time I feel like I still think and act like a 6th grader. oh 6th grade, those were good days. I thought I was the coolest kid in the world. and at the time, I may have been right. I was one cool 6th grader. it rained today. I love the rain, its so refreshing, so new, so clean, so pure. it makes me appreciate the day that much more. I've spent a total of almost 7 hours at this coffee shop today. reading, writing, talking, thinking, listening, all things I can support 100% though, so it hasn't been a wasted day in the least. I ate at freebirds today too, that was so good. I'd say the feeling I have after I eat freebirds is one of the closest feelings I'll ever have to being completely content, lacking absolutely nothing in the world. because when I've finished freebirds, I don't even desire love, because I am so full and content I don't need anything else. its a good feeling. I'm thinking about what I'm thinking about writing. if that makes sense. it is supposed to be stream of consciousness, and I'm working on that, but I think that I'm thinking too much about it. I've had pretty streaming thoughts up to this point, now I'm thinking too hard about writing something. its ok though, because I only have like 15 seconds left. maybe I'll eat cookies later tonight, I bet those will good | high | low | high | high | low |
o. k, so now I'm writing for this assignment. I'm going to turn off the music I'm listening to. ok, all finished with that. it was bizarre love triangle by new order, I like new order. I like order in general. reminds me of the balance between chaos and order. I'm probably more into that than most people I know. I wonder if most people think about chaos and order. the fan above me feels good, generating wind. my neck has been hurting a little today because last night I ate it hard on the ground while riding my bike at night. I totally busted my ass. my foot slipped which made me lose my balance and I crashed sideways with bike still in between me. gave me a few bad strawberries and I hit my head pretty damn hard. for a split second my world was "bamn" and multicolor. my front door opened, it was my mom probably watering the plants. this makes me comment on the fact that I still live at home, I still live at home. I'm nineteen though so it isn't a huge deal but I'd like to have my own place. but I don't have the money for that because I pay for my own tuition and books and expenses. that sucks. but I do feel good when I say that to other people, usually at work is when I do that. I work at a restaurant that also makes espresso drinks, it's called satellite cafe. I got promoted and got more hours making it feasible that I could work through college and not have to worry about loans. loans blow. there's the door again. I keep looking at the finish button right underneath this never disappearing text. seven min, six seconds. my dad just walked in and we had a "how are you" exchange. things are going better with my parents and I. there was a time before ut,(I'm a transfer from acc)where I didn't really care much about things. probably because I wasn't being challenged, except from work which I enjoyed/enjoy. anyway, I was in with what the counterculture does when the norm of society isn't watching or around. the popular bob Marley type stuff. I have a need to use code, with this being a college assignment and all. although I wonder about the likelihood of this being read by someone that shouldn't, it's probably close to zero. I stopped writing to notice the spaces in between rows of words which goes diagonally from top left to top right. how interesting. internet, seven thirty seven pm. I wish I was done now. funny because I was looking forward to doing this, but I thought it would be more of a stop/start thought process. it seems like I'm just narrating my last couple of days. I was just rearranging myself to get more comfortable. and I am somewhat. wish I had my own place, privacy. being alone is nice at times. hmm, I have to write for an entire twenty minutes. I wonder if people that are slow at typing have a hard time with this. my face is all rough and "treated". I have avg acne, not really the worst I've had. I am using treatment though which helps. my mom just went into the laundry room which I assumed meant she would go right across the hallway into my room and make a comment about it not being clean. because I told her that I would clean it last night because I went on a bike ride instead. in a few aspects that bike ride was a waste of time. but for some reason I like wasting time. there she goes back into the laundry room. and no comment, but no inspection either. I have a good view from the office room where I am typing this twenty minute thing. itching my eye felt good. my right arm is getting annoyed at it's position. now that I noticed that, I noticed I'm sore a bit all over my body, which made me think of going to Gregory gym and how I can't really yet because I am a gimp. Not really though, I could easily tough it out, I'm competitive and athletic, or use to be. sucks not being a true youth, in high school where you can dick around for four years. I knew I'd miss high school for that reason. I like when I repeat words and they are on two lines above and below each other, like when I typed the words high school and they are repeated in appearance. I was so rudely interrupted by (a) the phone line for my dad ringing and (b) the twenty minute marker, which came faster than I had expected in the end. ok, that was interesting, something I don't really want to do again, or do I? it was nice to get stuff out in writing, or typing. ok, finished. | high | high | high | high | low |
Wow I can't believe I waited this long to write this paper. I was in a shock when I found out that this was due tomorrow. Deadlines motivate me more than ever. I told myself that I was going to do this earlier or on some sleepless night but I guess getting it done is what is most important. I just played some Starcraft with my roommate. I used to play this game with all my friends from school before War Craft III came out for the computer. This game ruined any chances for me to finish my homework. I'd have to say this game was the devil. It made my parents really mad when they would walk into my room and find me playing in the middle of the game. I told them I would shut it off after that game but it was too addicting. My parents somehow figured out that I started a new game and threatened to throw my computer out. This wasn't a very good feeling. Well, anyway, this girl from high school asked me to go to the homecoming dance with her less than 24 hours ago. Somehow, all of my friends managed to find out in that amount of time. This was extremely strange because I didn't tell anybody about this news. I tried asking them where they heard this gossip but they refused to answer my questions. This aggravated me just a little bit because my curiosity was at its peak. A few friends from Houston already know. I mean, what's the big deal. I don't understand why gossip can travel so fast. I guess it is because everyone wants to become involved in other people's lives. I think this knowledge makes them feel superior to others. I find myself talking on instant messenger and the opening statement would be "what's up". The basis of a conversation is what is going on with the other person's life. This type of conversation doesn't really achieve much but it makes you feel like you belong. Figuring gossip about yourself is a strange thing. You never know who's watching and points out the smallest detail to tell another person. I figured my actions didn't speak THAT loud. But any kind of gossip sparks a conversation like no other. It immediately captures the center of attention. I think people should be more concerned about figuring who they are. This is not an easy task. Starting college this year has sure caused a lot of changes. Changes in friendship, responsibility and so on. College is a good way of determining who your real friends are. These are truly hard to find. I knew this girl that had about 3 parties a year. There would be over fifty people over at her house and she seemed to be enjoying their company. But one time at lunch I saw her sitting by herself and she was by herself for a little while today too. It's crazy how things can turn right around like that. Well my hall is being pretty loud right now playing music or what not. My friendship with existing friends have sure been tested and I think that the conversation we had strengthened our relationship. We hardly ever talk about serious matters, so this was refreshing to me. I hang out with a bunch of guys that aren't really open to their feelings. We seem like a bunch where we tell each other everything but we know that we're just buddies. I mean we'll be there for the other person in a heartbeat but no one really knows what the other is thinking, especially about relationships. We'd always give one of the guys a hard time because we found out who he liked or what not. I always thought that we would support them and tell them to do what he felt. But this was never the case. Three out of the four guys go to school here in Austin but the fourth person is in San Antonio. I can tell he really misses the guys from high school and all of his gaming friends. Everyone makes fun of him about his intelligence but I feel obliged to back him up. I know it's all in fun but after a while I think it's just mean. I miss the guy too. I hope he makes it to Austin next year. | high | low | low | high | high |
I keep thinking about this White Stripes song and I cannot remember the name of it so I can download it. It continues to anger me. Its really dark in here so I should open the blinds, but I think right now there is a glare through a window and that would not be good since my computer faces it. Just a minute ago my keyboard was making me really mad. It would freeze up and I couldn't type certain letters. It made me so mad. I wonder what Ben is doing right now. He wasn't online but I know he doesn't have to work today so I am curious what he is doing. I called him earlier today and then when I got out of school. I really miss him and I am glad I get to go home next Friday. I also miss my dog, Rosie. I wonder if she thinks about me or maybe thinks I am dead or something. Mom said she looked for me a little bit. I can't believe my credit card got denied. That makes me so mad since Mom sent the check like a week and a half ago. I wonder if I can get on the website and look at my balance. Dad is such a cheap guy. I can't believe that he thinks I can live on $250 a month. I guess I could but that would mean I couldn't buy everything I want and since Mom isn't here to take me shopping and buy stuff for me, I have to buy it for myself. I just got back from Walgreens and I am also getting really mad because my car is really dirtier every time I get in it. There is bird crap all over it since it is under that tree. I kind of like the spot and the shade, just not the crap. I wonder when I will start to feel better. I need to take that medicine. I can't stop coughing now and I couldn't in class either. I bet it made the people around me hate me. It feels weird to have already eaten dinner at 6:30. It kind of sucks that they serve it from 5 to 6:30 because I am used to it at like 7:30. The food here is not all that great but there is a better variety than Mom makes. I am so excited about going home next weekend and sleeping in my double bed. It is really hard to get used to sleeping in a twin when I usually sprawl out all over the double. My bed also has that poofy thing that needs to flatten out because it makes it harder to sleep. Bennett borrowed one of my scarves today and that also made me mad. I don't mind that she borrowed it but I really wished she would have asked first. Some of her clothes are really ugly I think. I don't know I guess that is what you get coming from Podunk, TX. I like her a lot but I just feel like she thinks she is hot stuff and it also pisses me off that she rushed and I didn't. I really would like to know how someone like her was accepted and I wasn't. I'm not saying that she is gross or anything. I just think that I should have gotten into a good one also. It makes me mad and disappointed and upset all at the same time simply because I always pictured myself being in a sorority and I never expected rush to go that way at all. It kind of hurts even worse since everyone on my hall has all of the decorations and all of that stuff. Claire also made me mad last night when she started eating all of my goldfish and stuff. I have so much homework to do and all I want to do is go to sleep. I feel awful because my nose is running and my throat and ears hurt, plus I keep coughing. I wonder if it is just allergies or if I actually have a cold. Mom said she would make an appointment with Dr. Eldredge when I go home so that he can see me if I need him to. I really like him a lot more than Dr. Audrey because he isn't psycho and he is really young. That makes me think of Paschal and Fort Worth because his office is down that way. Man I really want to go to Ol South. I really am kind of homesick. I have been trying not to think about it because it makes me really sad. I think I miss Rosie and Mom the most. I miss Ben but I am beginning to think that we are not right for each other. The other night when we went to those frat parties I was thinking that I don't know if I can do it or not. I am not sure whether I am missing him or missing the attention and also I know that we are not really in love and I don't see myself loving him. I really miss what Eric and I had and I think that is really the only relationship that I have been in where I was in love. I think Eric is mad at me because I called him the other day and he never called me back. I wonder if things would have ended up differently if he had gone to school or even had a better career path than he does. I really miss him but I don't think I could do the long distance thing with him any better. Plus, I know there were things wrong with him too. I really wish I could combine the traits of both people I like and make a boyfriend specified to my desires. I bet everyone does. I can't believe how tired I am. I wish I could just go to bed right now. Maybe I will take some Tylenol PM. Although that didn't help me at all last night. Everyone is gone to their sorority meetings now so I think I am the only one here. Oh well that's okay I will get a lot done. There were these guys in class today that | low | high | high | low | low |
Right now I'm writing about the things I am thinking of. I just got my hair cut and now I'm drinking a coke float. which I probably shouldn't be due to the fact that freshmen 15 is a big thing these days. my boyfriend just called and I like him a lot well actually love him to death, but sometimes I just wonder like if I'm doing the right thing. actually I wonder too much instead of living life as it should be lived. now my dad is wiping the back door off because we're having a party for my grandparents tomorrow - they will have been married for 50 years - that's a long time. I'm glad that they're both still alive because a lot of people don't even get to meet their grandparents. today I went and bought some clothes, which I probably should not have because I have a lot already. this chick keeps getting on and off of aol which is really bugging me because little messages keep popping up saying she is doing this. today we had a parade in my home town. yeah I'm home again. and it was cool. Kyle is a senior. I wish he was a longhorn because it would be so much easier to go to school together and see each other more often, but no he has to be an aggie. today is the football game, I wonder if Texas will win. LaGrange lost really bad last night - Hahira their not as good as they think they are. mom is sleeping and she snores a lot. dad keeps brushing the windows now and it is somewhat distracting. coolcherrychick has just signed on. cool. lol wow my hair is really short. man I can type faster than I thought I could, I guess that's good - hey it rhymes! omg stop with the window! I can't believe I found pants long enough for me at Bealls, that like never happens because I have really long legs, well not really but longer than normal. now coolcherrychick has just signed off. why do I like coke so much? I mean I don't drink it that often because I don't allow myself to, but I do enjoy it a lot - I guess the caffeine. I have problems spelling. this coke float is super good. thank god he stopped. ha-ha I just wrote stuffed before I erased it, anyway with the window. my hair is really cute, at least I think so. for once I'm not cold, its amazing. rowing is going to be cool, even though it might be really hard, at least I will have a coach forcing me to work out and I can identify with a team. I wonder if some people use really big words when trying to do this assignment, I mean I can use big words, but I really don't think in big words. my cognate. however you spell it process is not always so high smart or yeah that. I hope rhea's oh regina's home, I hope rhea's reunion - that's it - is going good, I don't think she really tried very hard but I mean she hasn't been doing her best in the recent time on being responsible. regina and laurie just got home and as I'm trying to think they are telling me about some kind of tattoo or something I don't know and I feel bad but I have to do this assignment. oh well I hope they didn't think I was being rude. this is kind of hard because I think so much faster than I type. mija just ran with laurie. she is so cute! sometimes she smells really bad though, but I guess I do to when I don't take a bath for awhile. I want to see regina's hair because she got it done today too it looks really cute and it has red in it and blonde and I think she looks good with it. Kevin called today and wants mom and dad, well everyone to put their money they're contributing for grandma and grangpa's thing in cash so they can give it to them in this game show thing. the lady who did our hair is like 50 something but looks a lot younger. like 35 or 40 - no lie. well the television was just turned on and was talking about football now something is on about a comedian. I like black people, they are so much fun to be around and they are not as uptight, well when it comes to their family I guess they are but not just in general. I like jz he's cool but I don't know I think that I like all kinds of music, not any kind in particular. sometimes I feel really left out because so many people know these alternative bands, but I don't because I don't really like the music as much as I like oh wow mija is getting a bath by laurie, yeah! other music like pop and rap. It's amazing how fast this time is going by like I thought it would take a lot longer or seem like I was typing a lot longer. I like that song and I can't believe a 14 year old sings it - jojo what kind of a name is that! I like the bangs I got cut, but I don't know if I am going to be able to fix it like this myself. Kyle is coming over later and I hope he likes my hair. and if he doesn't well it's not like I can do anything about it. I wish I was better at volleyball and could have done more with it. I mean I can jump high, but I can't hit hard. wow the gymnast was really short, but the volleyball player standing next to her she was so tall, I am glad I am tall, except when it comes to finding pants long enough wow I really have problems typing. today I changed in the car, that was really not fun I should have planned it better. oh well I guess no one saw and if they did then lucky them, just joking. usa wow I'm really lucky to live here and have my own choices. shampoo always smells good, well not always, but most of the time. it would be so nice to be rich. I need to read my psychology book and my biology book man both ologies, lol. breathing is a good thing. laurie can't reach the shampoo that's no fun. my fingers are starting to get tired from typing so much. | low | low | low | high | high |
I am beginning to think I am committing to too many activities. I want to be involved, but maybe I am doing too much- I wish I did not have eight o'clock class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I hate having to get up early- I need to buy my Chemistry book and Biology book still. Books are so expensive-oh well- I am excited for the football game this weekend! It will be nice to have Monday off- It smells like Lucky Charms-probably because I just ate some- I need to get a transcript request from quad C to transfer my chem class from this summer to here- I need to go by TOPS pics to look at pics from the other night- I need to call my camper back- I should do some reading for my classes tomorrow- I am excited to do the SHINE program for the nursing school. I wonder who my professor that I get to help out will be. I need to look up hospital info online so I can decide where and when to volunteer this semester- The people who live above me constantly make loud noises- are they obese people or just loud stomping walkers?- I can't decide if I want to get my nutrition book- the teacher does not require it-but it may be beneficial- I need to get some more picture frames for my room- I love pictures- I am excited about a new skirt I bought today-wow I really got a good deal on it- I like shopping too much-ever since I have been in college I feel like it has become an addiction-from school supplies to clothes- I love how random my thoughts are right now- I need to talk to my parents about sorority stuff and my credit card- that was a bummer when I got denied today at the coop-I should have just used my other card-oh well- I can't decide if I want to go to the ranch this weekend-it seems pointless to go but then again it is only an hour away-hmmm I want to download some ringtones after this- I can't believe it's almost September- wow the summer flew by-pretty soon it will be Christmas- I love hanging out with Katy-she is so sweet- I can't wait to go to the rodeo sometime this year- My neck has been itching lately in a random spot- I wonder why- It would be fun to go on a random date-I wonder who will be first-Brandon or myself-hopefully myself-I need to be able to move on, but yet with a friend- It's going to be kind of random meeting up with Kelsey tomorrow-gosh and she wants to sit with us-of course Court is already busy-I bet that is the only reason she has called- I hate when girls do that-girls need to learn time management with friends and guys too! I want to lay out by the pool tomorrow-hopefully it will be nice and sunny - | low | high | high | high | high |
I'm feeling a little stressed right now. I have two tests coming up in about a week and I'm kind of behind on my reading. There is so much stuff to take care of now that I am out on my own. It makes me miss my family; I'm feeling kind of homesick right now. When I woke up this morning I found myself crying. I'm having a little bit of trouble because this guy in a really intense e-mail told me how much he likes me. It just happens to be my friend's brother so I'm worried about what I should do. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it and I just wanted someone to comfort me and hug me. But, I did talk to my friend today and he helped me out, I'm glad I had someone to talk to. I'm thinking about going to a movie tonight with my section but I'm not sure because I think I need to stay and study. But, I think I'm going to go anyway because I need a break and I need to feel more involved. Hopefully some people will go. I wonder what I should wear. I want to go shopping, I'm getting tired of always wearing the same things. It kind of smells like spoiled milk in my room. There are still boxes everywhere and I feel lazy for not getting rid of them, but I just don't feel like it. I keep hearing door open in the hall, I wonder if my room mate is back. It's kind of awkward with her here. I don't really know what to say and she is not very talkative. I still can't believe she told me to be quiet so rude like she did the other night. Oh well. I'm watching this movie on TV about a drill team and it makes me miss dancing. I mean I know I'm still taking classes, but its just not the same, it's not as often. It makes me feel out of shape, I hope that I don't gain a lot of weight because I'm not working out as much. It felt so good to be back in class the other day. I love the Modern class, it feels so good to be able to move again and that class makes me feel free. I guess it's more laid back because the dancers aren't experienced and I'm one of the most experienced in the class. That kind of makes me relax because I don't get as nervous as I do around all the good dancers in the other classes. I get so nervous at auditions. I don't know how in the world I'm going to get into those major's dance classes. Then what am I going to do? My RA just knocked on my door to tell me that we are going to that movie. I feel kind of stupid going because I've already been and my friends aren't going. But, oh well, I guess that I will just go. I feel like I need to meet more people. The only people I've have hung out with while I have been here are Rockport people. I thought I was going to get away from all that, but I don't know. I don't know what to write anymore. I'm thinking to hard about this and I know I shouldn't be. I should just type whatever it is that I am thinking. The time is almost up. It went by surprisingly fast and I kind of enjoyed doing it. It actually made me feel a little better and sorted things out for me. It's weird how writing can do that; Professor Pennebaker did mention that in my class. I guess it really is true. I feel like I should have an ending to this. But, I guess not. I guess your thoughts never really end. It kind of makes me nervous when I can't think of what to write. What does that mean? It's kind of like when I blank out talking to people which I seem to do a lot. I'm kind of interested in how this experiment thing will turn out. I wonder what the point of it is. | low | low | low | high | high |
I'm a little worried these past few days because of the work study award. I know that I have a certain time limit to get a job and I'm trying to get a job but it's so hard. It's even harder when you've never had a job experience before. And my older sister keeps pestering me about getting a job. I know what I need to do, she just needs to lay off of me sometimes. That's one of the bad things about sharing a dorm room with a sister, she'll be able to spy on you and tell on our parents what's going on in my life. It's not always bad because I don't do anything that will disappoint my parents. The other thing that makes me a little mad is just because she is older than me, she can boss me around. It's not like I'm her slave or anything; it's just that I don't like the feeling of being told what to do and when to do it. I like being my own person, making my own decisions. If only I had been able to do that since I was a kid so I wouldn't have so much problems now. Ever since I could remember, my parents have always wanted me to become a doctor. Any doctor is ok as long as I made it. Well, what they want has followed me into my college life. The only reason why I would want to become a doctor is because my parents insist on me being one. So now I don't really know what I want to major in. I had never been given the chance to really consider my career because it has always been what my parents want. I'm just so obedient. I don't know why but I'm just like Ella in Ella Enchanted. Always obeying what others says. So, my college life has been ok so far. I like the campus a lot and I also like Jester because it's in the center of everything that I need. The PCL is across the street, and the gym is adjacent to it also. The food is right down on the 2nd floor of Jester or downstairs at JCL. Very convenient. The only bad thing about it so far is that I have a TV and that means trouble. I have become addicted to the show Three's Company. I have to watch it everyday. Let's see. It comes on ch. 40 at 10-11pm, ch. 41 at 12-12:30am, ch. 49 at 1-2am. So I stay up late just to watch my Three's Company. I know it's very silly especially since on Monday's, Wednesday's, and Friday's I have a 8am class. But somehow I manage to get up and not feel tired at all. Amazing isn't it? But it probably will wear off soon. Another thing I have to mention, I am getting very tired of eating American food for every meal, I need something from my culture. I need my rice! So, I had a very wonderful Labor Day Weekend because I went to Houston to visit my new baby cousin, Jason. He's 7 weeks old and o so adorable!! And Jason's almost 2 year old brother is also cute. Whenever we say anything to him all he says is 'I know' or 'I don't know' and laugh. Just so adorable. And when I had to leave, he was all sad. When I picked up my bag, he took it from me and put it back on the floor so I won't leave. I could talk forever about Jason and Jonathan. But I didn't really like the Houston whether because it was raining the whole time so when we drove anywhere bugs would hit the window and front bumper. So by the end of the trip, the front of the car was smothered with bug guts. YUCK! hehe =) Oh no! My time is almost up! Well, I guess I can spend the remaining time saying my good byes. Goodbye, chao. Write to you laters. Got only a few more seconds. It has been good writing down my feelings, getting it all out of my system. I feel lighter. OK, BYE!!!!!!! | low | high | low | high | high |
So today has been one of the worst days ever. I found out that I didn't do that great on my biology exam 1. and I aldo didn't do that great on chemistry quiz 1. I have been trying to do this prescreening survey for over two hours now and I am still not done with it. I am hungry too. I haven't had dinner tonight. Well not yet. so the prescreening system is really not working and it is making me mad now. This is crazy. I don't know what to write. Its hard to write for 20 minute. it has only been 3 minute. This is crazy. I wonder how long I will get to use this computer. Oh, I don't know if my class code is right or not, but I think that's what it is. So we will see. I hope This is the right one. Who knows. I have no idea what to write. I don't even know what I am suppose to write. I am really hungry. Why wouldn't this Prescreening Survey thing work? This is very frustrating. I feel like crying now. Oh gosh the thing worked and I want to get it over with but I can't stop writing. I wish I had started writing earlier. I think what I just wrote didn't make any sense. No I am pretty sure it didn't make any sense. I think it doesn't matter. I realized that u think faster then you type. well at least I do. May be because I type slow. But who knows. I think everyone thinks faster then they type. Anyways, so I want to go finish the prescreening survey thing but I can't. So I wonder what Liz is doing this weekend. I have to study this weekend , because I am really behind. I make a lot of typing error. I have to improve my typing. I want to go to JCL and eat. Then again I don't want to go by myself. I wonder if Kristi would come. She probably would. Liz needs to come get her book. I kind of feel obligated, but I don't want to call. It's her book and she should care for it. She should call me. Besides no one ever calls me other than Kristi. Liz is a very nice girl and I want to be good friend with her, but she is always too busy with her high school friends. They are nice too. Why is it only 11 minute. It needs to be 20 minute already. I wonder what Annette wrote for her writing assignment. OK so this is not a great assignment. I mean its very simple. It's very easy, but it is kind of annoying. It's like talking to yourself, only you are writing to yourself. I mean you are writing for the class. Who knows. this is getting old. Actually if you don't think about the time it goes by pretty fast. Ashley was telling me earlier today that she wrote about cookies. Now that's crazy. Well now I am hungry again. This is not great. This is actually kind of annoying. I think I wrote this line twice. I am not sure. Like the way I am not sure about my class code. I know I am right but its kind of hard to agree with it. Ok so I don't make any sense again. See I am telling you , this assignment is kind of crazy. I know he is not going to read this but what if he does? He is going to think I am idiot. Why am I like this? I don't get it. no I am really annoying. I can tell. but oh well. I am who I am. People should deal with it. See now I don't make sense again I don't even know why I thought about those stuff. and wrote it here. I can go back and delete that , but that would be kind of cheating. Except that there is nothing to cheat about. You will be cheating yourself. yay. only two minutes left. No it is true if you don't think about time it goes by really fast. I need to stop chatting on the internet. I can't even write a sentence properly. Internet does no good to you. well at least not to me. Ok I guess this is it then. only 30 sec left. yay. I guess I will need to find more to stuff to write about on the next one. this is crazy. but ik | low | low | low | high | high |
This is kind of weird. I never set aside just some time for me to type and write and think. It's crazy that my thoughts are not really coherent. tiffany is typing next to me--her music is loud and kind of weird. I'm not a big fan of rap. wow look at how the font looks smaller after you don't capitalize. tiff's talking to me and going into the bathroom. Stupid homework. I am typing but I don't know what I'm thinking about. man it's so loud in our room. she's yelling at me. she wants me to finish my work so I can talk to her. silly girl. the TV is kind of annoying I want to turn it off but it's so far away. college is making me lazy. that reminds me of Dante's inferno. I can hear the wretch is that how you spell it? wrench clanking in the background. tiffany is struggling to put our brand spanking new fluffy toilet seat onto the crappy and dirty jester toilet that who knows how many people have urinated in gross!! I realize that even though I am writing my thoughts down as I type, some of my thoughts are not being recorded in this stream of consciousness writing because my mind is going crazy and I can think about a billion things at once but I can't type it all fast enough. stupid fingers! type faster! type faster! this is such a crazy assignment. I love how unstructured college is. I love how you can do whatever you want and no one gives a damn. it's pretty spiffy! some girls is getting her face redone for plastic surgery. I'm glad I'm not heinously ugly or I'd be tempted to get some plastic surgery done too. crazy. crazy reminds me of a song. can't remember which. man I kind of miss high school. those days of knowing everyone in all of your classes--- I'm sad that they are over. now I walk into class and I'm lucky if I know one person. got to meet some friends. but Stuart is kind of holding me back. I love him but I don't know if I can take his clingininess! he's such a sweet guy but I wonder what it would be like to be single again. wow look at how much I've typed. I love my new ibook. it's so cute. I just want to look at it all day. how cute is it! right. dang I'm weird. noises in the background are distracting me now. too bad I can't reach over real fast and turn off the stupid TV. I really think that TV dumbs people down. interesting. my fingers look weird when I type. they look like little spiders. ha-ha. website! that's the weirdest word. weird. indweirdo. too bad jaya and I aren't really friends anymore. she's in psycho with me though--maybe we can rekindle out old friendship. Shelby was so mean to me. oral interp man-- at least I made some more friends. don't need friends like that anyways. JESUS!! LOVER OF MY SOUL! JESUS! I WILL NEVER LET YOU GO!!! dang I wish that I could see Jesus now. I know that faith is what makes Him real to us, but wouldn't it be cool of they could make some Jesus bears to hug when you're sad? I miss my parents a lot. actually, I just miss my mom!! *sigh*. it's all good. Frederick the printer. ha-ha bio II. such a good class to go to. I love the learning, hate the quizzes and tests. high school was hard. waking up early to study, staying up late to study. bummer! and all to get into a college to repeat the cycle all over again. man it's weird not to have my parents around! why do people have rhinoplasties? they're so nasty! ccccccccccccccrunk is what that is! tupac. why do people die? I so do not even get it. I think about death in that it's scary. I believe in Jesus, so will I definitely go to heaven? I'm such a reasoning person that I wonder if there is a heaven sometimes. but that's sin. purgatory according that Dante inferno website is where I'm going. yay! will see the Son and the Father one day. I need to use the bathroom. dangit. still have 9 minutes left. my hands are kind of sweaty. gross! man what a loser. this girl is 16 on TV and wants a nose job to feel better about herself. that's so crazy. why are people so low self-esteem? like ling. dang that girl acts like she's all that, but she has no self esteem at all! it's all an act, a facade. yay! my battery is charged up to 99%. the % button is always above the 5. weird, eh? eh? mission! that reminds me of Monica and mission trips. I wish I had gone to Hong Kong with everyone this year. I almost feel like I let God down. your love is amazing. your love is amazing. Your love is amazing to me. my grammar and punctuation sucks. man I wonder what she's doing. haven't talked to that girl in forever. I can't believe I've been typing for almost 15 minutes! this is nuts. ha-ha Michelle from full house. Chad Michael Murray is so hot. gosh' can't believe he's marrying Sophia bush. wonder what sofa and Sharon are doing at UTSA right now. UTSA-- that's the root of all of Stuart's problems. that's why he's so clingy and insecure. I want to help him. but how? man these apples are cute!!! the little apple logo makes me feel all warm and fuzzy! ahhhhhh the door is not locked! tiff forgot to lock it. got to lock it after I'm done with this thing. I'm getting tired now. I want to watch love actually. that's such a freaking' cute movie. freaky Friday. ha-ha Lindsay lohan and her weird boobs. no way can a teenage girl grow boobs that fast! why are guys so obsessed with boobs? freaks me out. anyways let's change the topic. I wonder if dr. Pennebaker or his TAs will read this. poor people their eyes must be boggling out by now from all the reading. tiff is drumming on the toilet seat. gross! she put my stuff on that dirty grout- stricken floor. the time is going by freakishly fast. dude it's already 17 minutes and counting. I kind of don't want to stop doing this. maybe I'll keep an online diary just for myself to do this everyday. how do you know who you will marry? how do you know you won't get sick of them? 911. scary day. Stuart's birthday. the phone is ringing. the door opens. flip flops are dirty. I feel like a loser sometimes. but this is not a cry for help. I love you JESUS! hahha I hope whoever reads this doesn't think I'm a loser. the little AIM man looks funny. I can't wait to read this after I'm done with everything. I want to see what I was thinking. Kim basinger and this dude are on TV for this new movie. who sometimes movies really scare me. like Sarah Michelle Gellar in the new movies. tiff is wailing. she forgot about a homework assignment. uh-oh. doesn't sound good. my tummy feels weird. I think I'm getting fat. out!! peace | low | low | low | low | high |
I have twenty minutes to write. It feels weird that I'll be writing about anything that is going on in my head right now. Looking at the keyboard. It's a black keyboard. I'm so hungry right now. I haven't eaten anything today except a bottle of Nouriche and some cookies. I'll be eating at Kinsolving after I'm done with this assignment. Is that what I am thinking about right now? Eating? Actually, there is no thought in my mind right now. Or it's just that I am too concentrated on thinking about this writing assignment. What's the purpose of life? ha-ha. I think about that a lot. What really is the purpose of life? People all die. Some people with their names left behind and some with no recognition in their lives whatsoever. How am I going to be like? Which of those two will I become? My parents expect a lot from me. It might be because I am the oldest child. But it really does put a lot of pressure on my shoulders. I know they love me a lot, too. Ahhh. What am I saying. Love. ?? What is 'true' love?? A guy falls in love with a girl. And does all kinds of crazy things for her. Then. All of a sudden. He falls OUT of love. And starts looking for another girl to fall IN love with. It doesn't make sense. Nothing in the world makes sense. I want to be an energetic, fun-loving person. But I tend to take things seriously. How can a person be fun? ha-ha. I met a girl yesterday. And she made us(my friends and I) laugh so hard. The entire time she was with us. I wish I could be that kind of person, too. Hmm. Stream of thoughts. What am I really thinking right now? ha-ha. I don't know again. I don't think I'm really thinking at all. I'm just concentrating on typing now. NOT THINKING. or am I? I am confused. &. &. money. I want LOTS and LOTS of money. Money can buy everything. Actually. Every materialistic things. I have 8 minutes left on the clock to write. I want to go to New York. That was really random. Ha-ha Well. I want to travel all around the world. And taste their food. happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. what are some happy thought. ?? basking under the sun. ?? No. I hate getting tanned. eating delicious foods. ?? No. I hate gaining weight. Well. But I do love eating. Especially eating delicious foods. but also very worried about gaining weight. Vocabulary. I had to memorize tons of them to prepare for SAT. very random. Why do people dream the way they dream? I have very weird dreams sometimes. And whenever I do not feel well. as in I feel lonely or sad. I get really weird dreams that make me feel really really really weird. I hate dreams that feel like reality. I've had many dejavus. 4 minutes left on the clock. I want this assignment to be over so fast. I don't know what to write. Well. I have to write what I'm thinking, but I don't know what I'm thinking. Houston. Well. Houston is a really hot and humid place. Austin is hot and humid as well. But Houston is really really worse. I think I have allergies. Hatred. Is a strong word. Hating someone is not good for the people who hate, either. well. Now 2 minutes left on the clock. psychology seems very interesting. psychology. Study of people's minds. how does my mind work? I want to try the lie detector thingy. ha-ha. I want to try it on other people to see if they lie or not. I'm sitting up straight right now. ENTIRE 20 minutes. STREAM OF THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS I want a desktop. | low | low | low | high | low |
As I sat down to start typing, my mind became filled with questions about this writing assignment. A lot of times, I will start writing sometimes for no apparent reason about how I feel and will end up on a totally different subject and sometimes I will even start talking about the songs I've heard and how past situations that have happened in relation to my feelings. To be perfectly honest, I am thinking a lot about what my life once was like, all the good times, all the bad times, the lessons I've learned and through which ways I learned them. I must say I am definitely a thinker, and someone who dwells on the past. Today has been a rather unusual day for me because I am somewhat sad but also happy at the same time. I really miss my ex-boyfriend, who was also at one time my best friend. It's like I am missing a huge piece in my life. I keep trying to figure out ways to go back in time, thinking what if, and if only I had done this differently. The only conclusion I come to is that there was nothing I could have done or said differently, I guess the feelings just weren't there anymore and the basis of our at one time Ð great friendship was not built on a strong enough foundation to withstand tough obstacles set before us. Yay, my favorite television show is on, well one of them anyways, 7th Heaven! From watching that show, I become relaxed and more open-minded. The lessons and values taught from it are in my thoughts, very useful in life and this day in time. I could sit down and watch the shows episodes for days and not be bored because I like it so much. However, watching this show makes me somewhat hungry but I know if I eat, I will get sick to my stomach. Eating is a major thing to me, partly because I am very self-conscious about my weight. Up until I got into high school, I never worried a whole lot about what I looked like or weighed, but freshman year hit me and I became paranoid. I saw three doctors at a time back during my sophomore year in high school after getting Caught doing what I had been doing. Of course my parents were disappointed, but they didn't get mad at me, they were just worried. I saw a psychiatrist, a counselor and a Dietician. The psychiatrist and the dietician are the people who made me have a strong disliking for doctors and people in the medical field, but my counselor, she was really nice and cool and pretty down to earth. In fact, it was her that inspired me to want to become a psychologist; however, she does not know that. I would really like to one day become a child psychologist. I have always been interested in helping children. Hmm, I do believe the chicken nuggets I am fixing in the oven smell so good. I cannot wait for this weekend to come; I am going back home to see some friends and I think my friend Adam and I are going to a football game Friday night, and then Saturday night, I get to race, which I am pretty excited about. We didn't get to race last weekend because it got rained out, which sucked, but I got to hang with my friend later that night, so it was okay. Wow, I just realized that I went from feeling down about missing my ex boyfriend/best friend to thinking about this weekend and the fun I had from the previous weekend, and I just remembered about my hand. There is something wrong with it and I'm not sure what it is, but it hurts. I have a bump on it and every time I move my wrist downward, something pops over it to the left and when I bring my wrist back up, that thing pops back over to the right. It is really gross and hurts, but luckily, Friday, when I go back home I am going to the doctor to get it checked out. It's crazy how your thoughts so quickly change and you don't even realize it. Wow, its been over twenty minutes already and it doesn't seem like I have typed very much. | low | low | high | low | high |
I am watching mtv cribs with Chris Pontius. Today was hot and I'm supposed to go running with Nathan but it's still too hot so I want to go later. Maybe I'll get some of my work done before then so I won't stay up so late like I have been lately. I'm really tired so I took a nap today and slept like a rock. I don't know when I'm going to supper though because I don't want to eat before I work out or I'll feel sick so I might just get Nathan to cook for me tonight. I am starting to miss everyone from back home because I'm not usually away from my family, friends, and Sam for this long. I guess I will just have to wait a couple more days to go home for labor day weekend. I want to go home to see everyone but I really don't want to go to the football game and that's what all of my friends are going to want to do. I'm running out of things to think about because the TV is on and it's distracting me. The song on this commercial is going to be in my head now for the rest of the day. I like all my classes so far but I'm still kind of scared. Especially about biology because my prof is going really quickly over the information and it's hard to stay up with him. I'm getting tired looking at this computer screen. my eyes are getting droopy but I can't get tired and go to sleep now because then I won't get anything done and I won't be able to sleep well tonight. just like last night I couldn't fall asleep forever and then when I finally fell asleep I kept waking up so I felt like I didn't sleep at all. my strawberry smoothie was really good just now. I'm kind of hungry but lately I haven't felt that good so I don't feel like eating. Maybe ill just wait until later when my roommate wants to go so I'll have someone to sit with. I hate going to the cafeteria without knowing someone because then I sit with people I don't know and we're always eating so we can't really talk with food in our mouth but I want to meet them and not be rude. I'm sure they understand because here at hardin house all the girls are really sweet. they are all in sororities though and me and my roommate Madison are they only 2% not in one. oh well I have way too much school work and other stuff to do and I know if I would have rushed I wouldn't have time for anything else and I really need to do good this first semester and get it behind me and get used to everything. My back has been hurting a lot lately because of an injury from track season but I can't get into a back specialist for a while so I kind of just have to live with it. and I love to exercise but it hurts me for days afterwards. I decided that I'm just going to start working out and if it hurts oh well because I really don't want to gain the freshman fifteen. ha. my boyfriend goes to school in Lubbock at Texas tech and it feels so different not being able to see each other everyday like we used to. it seems like we fight every day no matter what and yesterday was our one year anniversary so I went and got him a present Saturday with my mom at the mall in san Antonio. she wanted me to go back to Hondo with her just for the weekend because her and my dad missed me but I wanted to come back up here for the weekend and party with some of my friends. my parents got to see my yesterday though. they came up after lunch with my grandparents and they brought even more stuff for my dorm room. my mom has been keeping herself busy at home by being creative and making cute things to decorate with but I really enjoy when she brings me stuff. we went to eat at hula hut on lake Austin and it was really good like seafood/Mexican food. I've never had a shrimp enchilada before then but it was great and my dad ordered an awesome dessert tray that we all shared and loved. then we went out on the deck and watch all the people on the lake and just talked for a while. | high | high | high | high | low |
This past weekend I took a short journey back to my home city of San Antonio, Texas. I went there to get some more items from my house, and as you can tell I'm still in the process of moving in all of my belongings into my dorm. The dorm itself I like very much because it is a good enough distance from the university itself so that I can feel as though I am actually going home each day after classes; plus the food here is excellent. This semester so far has been going by a little slow just as the first few weeks of every school year do. However, last week was very satisfying due to the fact that I got much accomplished. I got much of my studying done and I finally got my book situation in order. At first when I went to the Co-op I bought all these different books for each of the classes I am taking and then I came to discover that I didn't need about three of them. So then I had to make time to go back and return the books that I no longer needed, and I had the pleasure of standing in the horrendous line it seemed they formed just for me. This weekend I also went to the football game to see my favorite team in the land play a not-so-good team, but I still managed to have a great time. I bought two tickets for my brother and my best friend who came in to visit me. The day after the game when I went back to San Antonio I got to visit with my baby brother who is now about seven months old. He is beginning to talk and make little noises that babies make. I was a little sad to leave him so soon after his birth, but I will see him every now and then when I get a chance to journey back home. I also got to spend time with my girlfriend of about two years. We went out to eat and to see a movie. We weren't sure what movie to see so I thought I would let her pick because of the nice that I am, and she - being the girl that she is - picked wicker park which is a story about this guy who falls in love with a girl two years ago and he sees her walking down the street. He immediately bolts out the door of the shoe store he is standing in and tries to catch her, but his friend stops him to talk and he loses her, but to make a long story short he gets sidetracked bye this psycho girl who falls in love with him and is trying to keep him away from the girl who he originally wanted. In the end he finally gets to talk to the first girl and they are happy as can be. I can't wait for winter time. It is definitely one of my favorite times of the year because each year my family and I go skiing in Colorado - occasionally some place different - and go to most of the resorts there. One of the worst times I've ever had there is when I wrecked one of the rental cars we brought with us, and also this past year we went and I jumped a big snow jump, landed wrong, and I smashed my head into some ice leaving myself with a nice concussion. All together I would have to say that I'm very excited about this year, and I can't wait to meet more people and have some of the most memorable times of my life. | low | high | low | high | low |
Working out is stressful. Especially if all I do is arms. Man I am tired. I wish I could have a protein shake or supplement right now to be able to maximize my workout. I need to go to the bathroom but I can't since I have to right this. I'm glad that I finished the reading assignment over the weekend. Oh my arms are so heavy! I like working out but sometimes it takes a toll. My biceps are bulging and pulsing. Man I wish I could play a game right now. And now I have gone blank a little. Its tough to do this. To think about what one is thinking. I need to move my mouse. There we go. Now I need an arm pad or an extension to my desk. Man I wish I could rationally think sometimes. Or maybe I do. I really need to extend this desk. Now I'm reaching way too far out but my arms are so dead that it kind of feels good. Wow, now I'm getting thirsty, but its probably because I just got done working out. It says it is 76 degrees outside. Let me actually check. It is. A shake would taste good right about now. Jester 2nd floor was good today, but not like I had expected it. A lot cheaper though. Its weird how they charge more if you use a different form of payment than Dine in dollars. I've always wondered why lunch is cheaper than dinner. I usually eat as much or sometimes more at lunch than dinner. So I wonder why most restaurants charge more for dinner. It probably is the belief that people eat more at dinner, or maybe they are trying to pull in crowds at lunchtime because they are not as busy then. Who knows and honestly who cares. The room next door to us has a very squeaky door. It slams hard. Ouch my deltoid. I am hungry, or maybe thirsty. I really can't decide right now. Ouch! Wow 11 more minutes. This has kind of gone by fast. I thought it would take forever but it is an okay assignment. And I'm so glad I did my readings the weekend before. It allowed me to have more fun time for me and time to do this assignment. Those 30 seconds went by fast. The people are always going in and out or maybe that's just what it sounds like to me. Up till like even 2 am in the morning I can always hear people outside my window. I wonder why they are up so late outside. Usually people up that late are either studying or getting drunk out of their mind. Well I'm going to get something to drink right now. I have had the grape flavor yet so I'm going to see what that's like. Never mind, my roommate and his friend took the refrigerated one. Going over to get more to cool down even showed me more how I was sore, or maybe just tired. Now I have a coke though. But I need to fill my food void. Some applesauce would be nice. But I do love sour punch straws. Mmmmm. They are so good. Nah ill have applesauce. There are also some grapes too. Green grapes! My favorite. I don't know why but I've never liked red ones or purple. WITHe they call it. My favorite color was purple because I loved the grape flavor so much. Now I've changed my ways because I've learned that purple is a feminine color. Now to get some applesauce. I have to have 2 at a time or its not enough. I'm a klutz. I always drop things or trip at the worst times, but then most people don't trip when they want to. I don't know why but I've been wanting to get fatter. Or at least gain wait for a long time now, but I need to eat healthy because I have high cholesterol. I always wanted to gain weight because of football, now I just say it because I always have. When buying this applesauce it was most economical and accessible. They are 4oz each. It says that each cup is one fruit serving of an apple, or just one apple. Yes! 1 minute! This applesauce is a little watery. I hate when ketchup comes out at first and its has a watery mix to it. That really disgusts me when at first ketchup isn't my favorite thing to eat. But it goes good with French fries! | low | high | high | low | low |
Wow, so here I go. This is actually pretty exciting, I don't think I have ever had such a fun writing assignment. Jessica's music is on, her music was playing at the same time as mine, hers was rap, mine was "honey and the moon", weird combination. she's still listening to it. I have an aftertaste of godiva chocolate in my mouth, my sister sent me my shirt I forgot. and I was just at drews, across the hall. I wonder how I did on my bio exam. We get the grades back today in our review session. It was stressful but I think I did ok. We'll see I guess. My sheets are bright I wonder what everyone is doing at home right now. Let's see. its almost 3, so everyone's working. I miss Jude, he's so cute and now that I'm here I'm going to miss out on him taking his first steps, him first talking, etc. But it was fun watching him grow. I miss him the most. It'll be nice to be home next weekend, I want to lay out in the sun by my pool, with my dogs. Tonight's going to be busy, with me catching up in all my classes and all. But what I really want to do is see Drew, because I like hanging out with him. But then once I get back into my room, and I shut the door, that's when reality sets in, and that's when I realize that I have to stay with Scott because he needs me right now. And it wouldn't be fair after all of this. This writing assignment is pretty crazy, I still have awhile to go. Maybe I just don't have enough to write about? Let me think here. I find myself staring into my panoramic photo of a sunrise on the beach in Hawaii. It's a pretty tight picture, and I wish I could just be back there right now, instead of stressing here at school. Even though this experience is pretty awesome. I still find myself stressing more than the ordinary college student. My insecurities keep building up , until something or someone comes along and then I'll let them fall down. One of my goals is to be able to walk around with my head raised high up, chin up, smiling, confident. I wish I could be that person, but for some reason I guess I feel too uneasy about my appearances. Most likely, that is the result of going to a school with really judgmental people. Oh well, it'll just be something I need to grow out of here. That's one thing that I love about UT, no one really cares what you look like, talk like, etc. It's a nice change. Last night I had another crazy dream, I want to start writing them down but sometimes I just can't remember them. Like last night, some guys broke into my house, and they were chasing us out. But I somehow convinced them with my kindness or something (as I do in many of my dreams that are very similar to this) that they should leave us alone. I just remember showing them my "mastiff" dog. Ok, is that even a dog, or did I make that up or what. Whoa, a crazy thing that came across my mind yesterday was this thought (I was actually thinking about it yesterday in psychology class): "They say that color is the result of light being absorbed or reflected off of an object. So in order to see color, there has to be light, right? If that is true, then is it true whenever you go into a pitch black room, everything is actually without color?! I know that everything wouldn't be in black and white, but wouldn't everything be in black at least?! Everyone would be of the same color in a dark room? It's pretty mind baffling to me. " Also, I've heard that whenever you dream, you don't really dream in color, but your mind and memory make up the colors. They are not true colors. Who really knows anyways? The zipper of my Dior makeup bag is dipping into the cap of my orange juice bottle that I had this morning. Last night was all fun and games until I got home and realized how unsure I am of everything right now, and it's really not a good feeling. I guess I'm just getting used to this whole thing, just transitioning. Jess forgot to get milk last night, so I had dry cereal this morning. There is still some left in my bowl right here, I was too busy rushing around, trying to meet Scott in time for chemistry. | high | high | low | high | high |
Stream of Consciousness that term reminds me so much of Virginia Woolf and my long semester studying her and Mrs. Dalloway. I can't even think about it without thinking of her and her crazy life and the craziness with how Mrs. Dalloway was written and it makes me so sad because her life was just so sad. I feel so bad for her. I wonder how fast twenty minutes really is I bet it may end up seeming forever and this writing will go on forever but I guess it is kind of interesting I just am worried my hands will begin to hurt from all of this typing. I am so glad that it is Labor Day weekend and I am going to get a long weekend to catch up on a few things like sleep and fun and I guess some studying too although that won't be too fun so that will actually take away from some of the fun goal. it is so interesting how I am sitting here all alone in my room and in fact most of the time it gets kind of lonely but sitting her and I some way expressing my thoughts instead of just listening to them and doing nothing makes it not so lonely and for once it is actually quiet in the dorm so that I can concentrate on just about anything. I hope this year goes well because I think that it really needs to be a good semester and that it will progress to a good year I if The semester goes well. I'm getting kind of sad now that because I am leaving town tomorrow I am going to miss the first Football which will be my first Texas football game and I have heard they are a great experience and a ton of fun, but at least there are plenty of other games that I can attend. My hand is really beginning to hurt that is really pretty sad considering I haven't even typed for 10 minutes. I wonder if I am missing out on anything while I am sitting her typing this but I guess it isn't that big of a deal I don't think there are many people her anyway and I don't know where anyone is. I was thinking about how when I graduated from high school that I would be balling my eyes out but I didn't cry then I thought I would cry when My parents left me here all alone. but the weird thing is I haven't cried or anything yet I haven't even gotten homesick. I mean let's face it isn't like I would have anything spectacular to do even if I was home so I guess that helps in the homesickness department. It is so cold in my room I am absolutely freezing and There is no way in which to control the air, I need gloves and winter boots. I really think that people need to something about the coolness of the buildings I mean I know it is hot outside and all but because it is hot outside students want to wear shorts and other things like that to keep cool when out in the heat, but then you step in a building and dorms are the absolute worst of all and you freeze to death like I am surprised I haven't gotten frost bite from these frigid places. Well the time has actually gone faster than I expected it to it hasn't been all that bad once I got over the whole Virginia Woolf suicide and her book that I had to suffer through and analyze. It has actually been kind of fun I mean all I have been doing is saying what is on my mind and how I am feeling and that isn't so hard as long as you know that not everyone in the world is going to be reading what you write because personally I Don't' want everyone in the world to know how I feel all the time it is pretty personal for the most part. I am really excited about getting to hang out at the lake this weekend and being able to relax and have food other than from the cafeteria not that the food is all that bad but a homecooked meal is the absolute best. that is real comfort food. Wow I am beginning to feel hungry now but I don't know for what also I really need these twenty minutes to over so that I can run and go get a drink I am really thirsty. oh my gosh my hands are like icicles between the pain from typing and the temperature of the room my hands are really beginning to suffer. but hey I don't have to type for too much longer. | high | high | low | low | high |
Being a twin I always wonder if my brother thinks like I do. I don't mean like does he have the same thought I mean does he see the world in the same perspective as me. My mind like to wander and I imagine many different scenarios in my head. Like where I will be in 20 years how long I will live and why people act the way they do. Everyday I think of the things why people seem to not want to try and others try there hardest. Then you have people who succeed no matter what and I wonder why them. Then there are people who seem to go no where in life. I am not seriously making this up for the past year or so I have been trying to figure out the world. I guess since I have left home many things in my life have changed some for the good and others just different from my life at home. I also wonder in my head a lot are we all determined to do a specific job or career. I felt at one time I was determined to be an astronaut, but now I am leaning towards the media business. I would like to make a movie that answers many questions that people are struggling with mainly people that are going through changes in the life. Although change is not necessarily it creates a sense in my mind at least that this could either be a bad and good experience. I am talking about me coming to college. If this writing seems to be changing topics a lot then that is probably because that is how I think I continuously switching ideas in my mind. It is a wonder of why I have some of the thoughts I have, but we wont go into that. Being my first to take Psychology I wonder what the class is going to offer me, how it will help me to explore the human mind. I have also noticed that while being at college my sleep patterns have changed I stay up late get up early sleep on the weekends. Since being here I have started some sort of routine as far as my day goes, but I often wonder why us as people have routine and if they are inevitably unavoidable. This summer I worked in a grocery store was it fun no not really but it gave me a perspective of how I should view the world. There would be weeks when I got up at before 5:00 am everyday I kind of got this feeling like is this what I will be doing for the rest of my life. I thought to myself therefore I will do good in college to help better the career. Working forty hours a week and making about three hundred dollars I wondered a lot of times how some one lived on that and I guess they do somehow. That is why it kind of bothers me that we have some of these people blaming the economy on one person when I believe there is an overall problem in certain area. But are we certain at all what goes on. | high | high | high | high | low |
Hey what's up? I just got home from school and hopefully I can finish doing this before my sister gets home and takes over the computer. Today was cool I got my hair cut finally and the girl that did it was really sweet. I wish my hair was thicker though. I'm trying to type as fast as I can in twenty minutes so I'm wondering how much I'll really end up typing. I can't wait to go to college station this weekend. I hope mom doesn't find out that I ran into that pole in the garage. I think I'm just going to tell her that a car must have hit it. I have the story all planned out and everything. I'd much rather drive Karla's car to college station this weekend. I can't wait to see Austin again. He's so awesome. I had so much fun at Emo's last night, Minus the Bear rocked. Sometimes I feel out of place at that place though because it seems like everyone is trying to hard to look like they don't want to go crazy when the band is playing. I'm so happy they played my favorite song, too. I was surprised how many Victoria people were there too. I think Nick is so cute too! I haven't seen Lynette in a while that was surprising. I wonder if she still thinks I'm a bitch for all that crap in high school. I'm starting to realize that Austin isn't as fun as I thought it'd be. It's a crazy place to live, but after being in College Station all I think about is how fun it'd be to live there. There's so many teenagers and so much to do at night. The cat's distracting me it keeps trying to drink my water. I think I hurt it when he flew off the table. I'm going to make pizza to eat pretty soon here. I can't remember the last time I ate at the same time Karla did. Hopefully my car will be ready soon because this no ac is really pissing me off. Which doesn't really matter anyways since there's no place to park without having to pay five dollars. I don't like going to Eco class very much. I feel like the teacher is going to jump up and ask some question and I have no idea what he's talking about. I haven't even been reading as much as I thought I would in school. Maybe I should start too because it'll probably start to get hard and then I really won't know what anyone's talking about. I always wonder if Austin is getting tired of me. I know he always thinks about getting with another girl, but I'd really like to see what he does and how he is when he's all drunk at some party. That's going to be weird when he joins that frat but him and Roe fit in with them pretty good I think. I know I should have joined that one group but I think I just wanted to know someone in it before I did. I don't think I could ever afford to pay that much money anyways. I can't even hold on to a hundred in a week. I need to stop buying so many clothes but there's too many cute things I want. I can't wait to get regular cable, these channels suck. I think me and Austin will last a long time, we don't fight at all, so maybe being far away can be a good thing. I bet a lot of people think I'm stupid for staying with him | high | high | low | high | low |
I hate writing assignments, especially ones that have to be typed. I'm such a slow typer. Maybe I should take some sort of remedial typing course. I wonder if they have those at UT. It's weird how stressful this is I have such a short attention span, that makes it hard to just track and write my thoughts for twenty minutes, the fact that I'm quite possibly the world's slowest typer really doesn't help much either. I wonder if anyone will ever read this. The copying machine behind me is irritating, I wonder how many copies the girl is going to make, it seems like she has been making copies forever even though I've only been here for ten minutes. Has it only been ten minutes? Damn, I have to be in here for at least another ten. I'm so hungry, I wonder what I should eat when I'm done with this. For me, one of the hardest things about living alone for the first time is the matter of food. I don't have much money and I certainly have no idea how to cook beyond the scope of heating up a microwave dinner or making some ramen. Whenever I get hungry I have to choose between fast-food value menus and basically, just ramen. I miss Kinsolving food, there was actually variety and with a swipe of my student ID I could eat as much as I wanted, and maybe even sneak some dessert out of the cafeteria to save for after they closed. I should make more friends who live on campus so I can get them to buy me food with their meal plans, or at least go home and eat some of my mom's food. Wow, my twenty minutes are up. | high | low | high | high | high |
I really wish I didn't have to do this. Actually I don't want to do homework at all. I don't like reading textbooks and that is all we have been doing. I actually didn't even start reading any of my books until I knew I had to for an Economics quiz. This weekend the plan was to catch up on everything and I really didn't. I did catch up on economics, which is the hardest class I'm taking. I am really disappointed that I didn't get to see my friends in Arlington, but I did get to hang out with my parents and that was nice. I miss them but I love college and Austin. I also hope that I get to hang out with my cousin more and get to know her a lot better. Unfortunately our age difference is huge so we don't have too much in common but she has been calling and cooking for me so I don't mind that. Cat's here and she's talking. Jessica is here and she's messing with channels. Earlier we watched the U. S Open after she got home and we watched Justine Henin-Hardenne lose. Yay. Oh, I really have to sneeze and I'm kind of thirsty. I really want to eat some peanut butter and crackers and maybe a taco. One time our fridge was leaking stuff that looked like coke. Today I talked to Alicia's mom more that I talked to her. I actually didn't get to talk to her because her voicemail turned on. I hope she is doing ok at UNT because she hasn't sound happy or upbeat when I have talked to her. I talked to Amanda today too and now I'm so frazzled and distracted. Cat and Jessica are loud and I can't even complete a train of thought. It's kind of scary if a guy has a blow-dryer. Is William Faulkner the dean? I don't know but I'm so excited about UT. Jessica has a lot of clothes, food, and books and I think my dorm room is going to be vacuumed up by her stuff. Today I bought milk, actually my mom bought milk, and then we drove to Kinsolving. Later, I tried to put a fitted sheet onto my bed and it took a long time to put on and Jess made fun of me because I couldn't put it on. I just told Cat that she couldn't have a Kleenex and it was pretty funny. I really like college and all the people I have met so far. They are so nice and I love them. | high | low | low | high | low |
I feel cold, my toes are really brittle feeling, I want to get in my bed right now, it is so warm in there, I feel closest to home went I am under my covers trying to sleep, the best feeling ever in the world is being really cold and then jumping into a warm bed that is what I want right now, if my new dorm wasn't so cold I wouldn't be rambling about this topic but wow is it cold although I do enjoy is freezing at night during the day I wouldn't mind a little heat I mean come on now at camp all summer it is so warm I just want to burst every time I walked outside I got that amazing warm sensation over my whole body I remember it so clearly that thawing feeling well I who'll get my hopes up here I am now in college in the cold away from friends and family and camp but I shouldn't feel so isolated sitting in this cold and unhomely room well I should this place is absolutely depressing ha-ha that is so funny how in class we talk about depression and more sleep is associated with it and I totally know that I will be napping after this assignment but no really college is the time of your life or so I am told but so far my two weeks at ut have not been the greatest of my life but then again I have herd stories about people coming here and not liking it for awhile and then they magically start to have fun this is not a cry for help by the way you know the one you warned us about not writing because it would not be read well that is not what this is I am just thing about me and how different I am it is strange the qualities I posses I always think that I am unique and different but there are a million people out there one has to be like me but the more I think about myself the more I am convinced that there is absolutely no one else like me on one side I feel lonely but realistically I love my friends because of the differences between us I feel like all I have is me with your best friends you can tell them anything in the world about how you are feeling and you can trust them and now all those people are gone and when I talk to them on the phone it is just not the same and we seem to be growing a greater distance apart wow I just realized what a sob story this is this is not a cry for help at all what roommate just walked in and totally broke the sob story train I mean he is a nice guy and all and we will get alone fine and everything for a whole year but I definitely don't think that we will be best friends or anything and I really am not going to make a conscience effort to befriend anybody I am quite satisfied all by my self in this way I am really different I mean yes all people need to belong to the group and have friends and fit in but I think that I just have I stronger resistance to such social things as that besides a lot of people have told me that they were never friends with their roommates but that they did have a lot of fun with them so maybe I should be more open to the idea of hanging out with the guy even though he reminds me of a phony awe Holden cawfield I can't say phony without thinking about Holden cawfield from catcher in the rye I really shouldn't have read that book at the age I did it turned me on in weird ways and I don't think I understood | high | low | low | high | low |
Well, this assignment is interesting. I don't think I have ever attempted to write for 20 minutes straight. I wonder if I have ADHD or ADD or if its just because I am a drummer. Wow! I have only gone for a minute and I am already bored. Um. I was watching the Cowboy game and they won 20-17. Vinyl did well but threw an interception. I think he will be good this year as lond as he doesn't get hurt. He has a good delivery and is really good at reading defenses. Speaking of defenses (I doubt this has any relation) but anyways I didn't make the hockey team today and it was really disappointing. I really wanted to make it and thought that I had a decent chance. Maybe I gave myself too much credit. Maybe I am not big enough or something. I wish I could have made it but I suppose that one was up to the coach and God. Speaking of God (random again) I went to a really neat church last Sunday. Its name is Glad Tidings. It is an assembly of God Church (although I am Lutheran I think it might be a good match because it has really awesome worship and the pastor gives interesting sermons). I miss my old church though. My youth minister back home is getting ordained this weekend. I am unsure if I should go home this weekend. I don't know. I think I will stay here because I really want to force myself to become independent even though that would entail me doing the laundry this weekend. I am really tired tonight but I suppose I will do my best to continue typing the entire 20 minutes. But along the thought of the laundry business. I have tried to hold off on doing it until next weekend (was going to do this weekend but I think I can make it until then). It has been really hot lately. It was brutal last Saturday trying to run in the morning. It was so humid. It eventually rained but not until after the practice. I have never been so sore in my life. I am still sore but I guess it doesn't matter seeing as I am not going to be playing for the team. I suppose it is sort of a waste but maybe I will try and keep in shape. I don't know though. We will see. Well I am half-way there. I am still tired and I am finding this assignment very boring and I suppose that would imply that my thoughts are boring. Kind of sad I suppose. I wish I weren't so lonely tonight. Just me and the TV. A horrible invention it is. Ruins relationships and limits time for many individuals. But I suppose it helps many escape. I like to escape by playing video games. I think I might play one in a few minutes when I get done with this thing. But yaw. I really like my playstation and probably spend too much time on it but it is really fun and entertaining. I am still tired. Still tired but only about 7 minutes to go! Hurray! This makes me excited. I didn't have an antecedent before the "this" nor did I there but that was because I quoted the previous mistake. I wonder who just walked by my room. It sounded like two girls. I wonder if there really is a girl out there for me. Probably. I hope so. One can only hope can't one? It's funny, I accidentally made a typo and said can't none which if one thought about it logically would produce the same effect but if one thought about it from a Texas perspective it would have the opposite negative and depressing effect. I hope for the logical. I heard a Papa John's commercial. I wonder how they can claim they have "better ingredients, or better pizza?" It is subjective I would think. There is another weather report on TV. I find it interesting that people watch weather reports as if they could do anything to alter them (I usually just go with the flow). The flow of the easy river I guess. It is 11 o'clock. Only a minute left. Here's my chance to say something deep. I really can't think of anything but live the Golden rule and you will find yourself a better person. Love is all you need as Paul said (the Beatle of course. Lol). That's it! | low | low | low | high | low |
College isn't at all what I thought it was going to be. MAN, that French class is really kicking my but right now!! But, I'm determined to suck it up and get through it with a decent grade!! I feel so insignificant compared to John, he probably has no idea what it feels like to feel so behind everyone else! But of coarse, I would never let on to that around him. I really can't wait till I finish this semester and maybe next semester I will have a better experience. I really think that 17 hrs for a freshman is a little too much, especially for me. I really feel like I cheated someone out of a spot well earned here at UT. I don't feel like I'm smart enough to be here. But I'm sure that I'm not the only person that had those thoughts every now and then. I really just hope I can keep a b avg so I can keep that scholarship!!! I should probably make French a pass/fail class. I'm just so jealous of people that catch on to language so quickly and leave students like me in the dust!! Ah. I should just be glad that I have the opportunity to explore myself here instead of griping about it 24/7. And MOM!!! she can't keep her mouth shut. If I wanted John to know I wasn't feeling very confident then I would have told him!!!! But of coarse, he calls and says, "mom said you couldn't handle your FR class. Well, just remember that school is your job!" I know JOHN!!!!!!!!!!! he just doesn't understand that I have too much pride in me to admit that, yeah, I was crying to mom that I really didn't know if I could keep up in French! I hate it when he sees that "failing" side of me. I want to be as invincible as he is. And that's impossible. I can't live up to his example!! There's no way I'll graduate first in my class here at UT like he did and get some awesome job in new York that pays more money than I've ever seen at once!!! It sux having a brother that had scholarships that paid all of his college expenses with money still left over!!!!! He amazes me. Maybe that's my problem is I'm trying too hard and wasting all my energy to impress him! Its not Mom, I know she just wants these years to be the best years of my life, but john wants them to be my JOB!!!!!! What the hell!!!! Can I not have a normal family that just is happy and supportive of me and understands that I am an individual that will do and accomplish different things than they ever did in different ways than they ever thought of!!! Maybe UT's not for me. Maybe I'm meant to be at some rinkydink community college, where not that much is expected of me!! But no. That's not me. There's just something in me that won't let me settle on average | low | high | high | high | low |
Okay dokey here we go. just thought I would get this assignment out of the way before I'm overloaded with other stuff. Or either put off until the last minute. I hate when I do that. Must not do that any more you know you can tell yourself that repeatedly but that doesn't mean that it is going to happen. My past shows oh well. Man my stomach hurts just got done eating a salad and now omg pain. Why is that these days it seems like my stomach can't handle anything without getting upset gross. Oh well listening to a new cd I got this weekend and I'm liking it. The band was really good live too ill just have to go out and see them again sometime. Omg this is a lot of writing for only 3 min. I feel bad for the people who are going to read all the students papers. 20minutes of writing never seemed like so much well. Now that I'm actually doing it I'm sure that there is going to be a few pages worth. Once for another UT experiment I had to do this too and it was hand written for 20min I much better prefer the typing (is that even proper English. Note to self again. Work on grammar) ohm well at the other UT experiment that I was doing. I was in high school and they put me in the back o f the library (never can spell that word) and told me to write about whatever it is we wanted for 20min. Well there I am sitting writing away thinking to myself wow I've been writing for a long time. Why haven't they called me up yet. But I never saw the start time. And sadly I ended up writing for 40min. That is a lot especially be hand. These days everyone it seems is so dependent on computers. Good at times bad at other. Only 14 minutes to go. This has to be by far the most enjoyable assignment I have received so far. I think I enjoy writing it seems to be relaxing. I think I shall start writing in a journal again. Although I only seem to write in my journal when I'm angry and htne lock it away until another god awful days comes along. Maybe I should start again but this time maybe daily or so. Everyone says it is a stress reliever. Ha-ha this cd is cute. The lyrics crack me up at times. He is talking about how the bank classifies him as "poor" because he doesn't have much money in the bank. And believe me I know how that feels. Grrrr I need to get some source of income. Seriously. Well my stomach is feeling better I wonder what the deal was. Omg today after class. Since I'm to stub run to wait for the bus I walked up the HUGE hill to c panking and today for the first time with a back-pack full of books!! OMG the walked own the hill doesn't compare to the walk up. I thought I was going to die ha-ha but I guess its a good work out plus the what 50pounds of books Hahira damn good work out. Man 9 minutes to go. Good thing this essay isn't graded on grammar or spelling because I think I am the worst speller (that doesn't even sound like the right word) in the world. But and English teacher of mine once told me that bad spelling is a sign of intelligence. Hahahaha ironic. He was a great teacher though I really miss his class. He had a way of making the (at the team high school) students look at the world with open eyes. More mature eyes . Ha-ha and he would through in dark humor every once in a while . Woke the class up. Great teacher. I've actually loved all my English teachers in high school although I am horrible at writing and reading. But their classes were challenging and fun. Everything else in school was to much of a breeze for me. Although NOW at UT I'm a little scared. I hope I can handle it. I think as long as I can make it past the first year I should be able to have the hang of it and do fine the next couple of years . Right ha-ha. You know what this assignment reminds me of. The new TV show THE DAYS. How the teenager dude sits in his room and writes in his journal ha-ha too cute. Didn't dugie houser (can't remember if that is his name or not) do the same thing. Aww poor guy since he was a doc at such a young age. Don't you ever wonder if kids like that miss out on their childhoods. I feel bad for them. Seeing ym younger bro and sis grow up hurts because now I know they are going to be exposed to the real world. And they will no longer have that innocence and purity as they once did. The real world is harsh. Man if I could be 13 again I sure would. Yet when I was 13 I remember wanting to be 16 and then wanting to be 18. And not that I'm turning 19. Ohm DEPRESSING. Last year to be a teenager. Although I never really did all the teenage stuff. It was all to immature for me. But soon I'm going to be 20 and that means. Reaching adult. You can't be called a kid anymore. All though I love to call people kid all the time its the greatest. people should call each other kid again maybe peoples outlook on life wouldn't be so scary. Well 20min up. I bet I look like I have ADD. prob. do. Ha-ha | low | high | low | low | high |
WELL I GUESS I CAN START WITH MY DREAM LAST NIGHT SINCE THAT IS WHAT I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT ALL DAY. it WAS SO CRAZY. I had a dream that I was sitting on the couch in my room and talking with a friend when all of a sudden there is a knock at the door. I open the door and it is a dark figure, like a person, but the lighting in my apartment was that of the time of day that dusk sets in. Well she walks I and covers my mouth and lays me down on the floor and holds me with all force while she is chanting some mysterious chant in my ear. I don't know what she was saying but at that point I wake up in my dream as I'm struggling to move my body. I couldn't move until I realized I was out of my dream, which was maybe 3 seconds later. How creepy is that. When I woke up the chant was repeating in my head for like 10 seconds and then I completely forgot it. I don't know what that was about but it seems to me that it has to do with someone putting a spell on me. I've felt ghosts before but I never felt a bad sense coming from them. Weird. I always wonder what dreams are really supposed to mean. I mean people can buy dream books all they want but what are the chances of those interpretations being the same for all of us? I am a little worried about that but I haven't really been a bad person in the past with anyone. That I can think of. Oh well. Anyways I have to really buckle down today and do some serious studying if I want to enjoy the weekend like I should. Hopefully I will be studying on the beach Saturday night. Not that the South Padre beach ids that beautiful. After going to Cancun for a week though I guess its hard to actually top that beach. That was the best time I believe in my life so far. It is good to know that I will be going on many more trips like that considering how easy it was to plan that trip. Saving the money was super hard but I feel like if I really want to do something I am capable of making that happen. I hope this weekend is as good as last weekend. I am going back to San Antonio to see my family since it has been two weeks since my last visit. I really love the night life over here though. Maybe because everything is so new over here and I really love change period. I am not scared to completely change my patterns in friendships and relationships for that matter. I came over here knowing 3 people in the whole city. Now I know just a few more but the possibility of me meeting so many more is very high on the scale. I really miss my best friend a lot though. Her and I hung out all summer together, and all last year in school for that matter. She was all I needed and I was the same for her. Now we are spirited and she's getting back with her boyfriend and will probably end up married with children. Its a sad world when you see people you love so dependant on the wrong things at the wrong time. Her relationship with that boy is so lame. Thank god I have no time for stuff like that right now. I cannot relate to her attachment to him and would love to keep it that way for a really long time. Hopefully she will snap out of it though and realize that her whole life is ahead of her. Man. This is a really long time to be typing straight on the computer. Everyone around me is getting annoyed by how much I am typing. They keep staring at me, then the screen and back to me. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Lets see well I've been trying to explore the campus and look for spots to study that no one can find. But unfortunately there are too many damn students in this place to accomplish that goal. This Life Sciences Library is really nice. I think its the high ceilings that make me feel so comfortable in here. There are always open computers in here as well. Well my time is almost up. My experience in the psy class is very important to me considering I want to be a psychiatrist one day. | high | high | high | high | low |
I am in the library right now writing this stream of consciousness. I just had dinner. It was very delicious. I ate at the Kinsolving dormitory food center. The library is really quiet and I can hear the tying on the computer. People are walking in and out and it is a little bit distracting. I can't wait until this week is over. It will be Labor day weekend. I can't believe a holiday is just around the corner. It seems like just yesterday it was summer and I was having fun playing with my friends and hanging out. Over the Labor day weekend, I would love to go back home to Houston and see my family, but I kind of would prefer to just stay here in Austin. There is so much to do here and there is so much freedom. In a way it can be good but I really need to manage my time wisely. Today's psychology was really interesting. I loved the in class experiment that was done. It was pretty cool how the experiment worked especially since the first time was easy to tell when the girl was lying and the second time was really hard. I feel tired right now and I would like to go to sleep, but I know I should get this writing assignment out of the way. I was talking to my brother about computers today. It was fun but hard at the same time since it was over the phone. My mind went blank for a while and I can't think of anything to write. Tomorrow is one of my best friend's birthday. I can't believe she will be one year older. She is a senior in high school right now and I bet she is stressing over college applications like I was during senior year. I hope she gets everything done in time. I remember senior year was really interesting. I had to research a lot with colleges and what I wanted to do with my life especially choosing a major. So far, education is what I want to do. I think it will be fun especially if I decide to work with elementary students. I am feeling really sleepy right now and I can feel my fingers moving more slowly than before. I miss my family. Even though I am used to being away for a month. I know I will begin to miss them so much more in the next couple of months. I hope they are doing well and everything is working out in their lives. I also miss my friends back home especially my church family. I can't believe I am actually going to say this or actually type it but I also miss my pastor. Especially his sermons. As I am here in Austin, I have been church hunting with some friends and the pastor's sermons here are just not the same. I guess I am really used to how he tried to make it apply to our daily lives and tried to really relate to us. Especially since I grew up in that church, I really miss all the good memories I have made there. I can't wait until the weather gets colder here in Austin. I heard last year it snowed for a day in the morning. I really would like to see falling snow. I really love the cold weather and I like to play in the snow. Today's weather was nice. I could feel the cool breeze blowing in my face. There was less sun than usual. Maybe it is supposed to rain who knows. But I can definitely feel a weather change coming soon hopefully. I still can't believe that I am a freshman in college. I thought when I arrived here I would finally believe it but it is really hard to sink in. So far classes have been fun and a little boring at the same time. I try to think positively and try to learn something out of each time I spend in class. I am really worried about the tests and quizzes here at the university. I just don't know what to expect especially since different teachers do different things. I really hope that I will do well in the first semester of college in fact I hope to do well all the years I am in college. I think I've kind of forgotten how to study. After college applications were done and over with and after I knew where I was going to attend college, I kind of stopped studying really really hard for classes. I still studied but just not as hard and not as much as I should have. I feel like taking a shower and going to bed now. My eyes feel they are slowing shutting but I'm trying to keep awake. There are so many people here at the library. I knew there would be a lot of people but it's amazing to see how a lot of people use their time wisely and study and also take the time to do their homework even when there are so many temptations to go out and party. I suddenly feel itchy everywhere. I think a bug bit me. It is really annoying and itchy. This has been the most exciting assignment ever. It will be really weird to look back on what I wrote. | low | high | low | high | high |
I just clicked the go button for this writing assignment for psychology and I just almost misspelled psychology. It is amazing how I can't spell psychology and how I still stumble on spelling it on the keyboard, psychology, I just did it again. At the beginning and before this page there was a precautionary note that said if people were insecure about their confidentiality. It is just an assignment, what could possibly go wrong. The teacher or TA will steal your identity! If they do they some students should sue. That is weird. I can't believe I just wrote that. I am writing this assignment now because I have some spare time and the writing assignment is due on Friday. I do not even know when I would have done this assignment. I have free time because my computer science class was, I guess canceled. I hope it was canceled because I hate missing class. It feels as if I am missing some knowledge that is necessary for my brain. I hate when I am unsure if class is actually canceled. Added to that, I hate when people are still in class sitting in the room waiting for class to start. Those students make me uncomfortable because it seems as if they know (they don't) that we actually have class. I am in the computer lab typing this writing assignment and I do not know what else to write about. Let's think. I am thinking. Okay, I am in the corner, near corner of the computer lab and I am typing. Oh yeah, speaking of writing assignments, my architecture writing assignment is going to be difficult because my TA wants us or prefers that we use Chicago style in our papers. When he asked us if anyone did not know how to use Chicago everyone was quiet and a huge pregnant pause was present. It is weird that teachers still do not understand that if students are quiet when they ask a question, nobody knows the answer. It is weird. I am now thinking if I am even doing this assignment correctly. It seems as if I am "tracking my thoughts" of this past week. I hope I still get credit for this class. I don't even know this class is hard or easy yet. Maybe I should reply that girl who mass emailed everyone and say that we should start a study group. A study group would hopefully help me learn more about this subject. I hope I can pass this class because as much as it is interesting I don't think I can sit through more of the same demos or demonstrations. The experimental requirement is pretty cool. I am almost done and I am happy about that. I don't have to write a 5 page research paper. Yeah! Writing research papers can be a hassle. Calculus is progressing fast and I am sort of surprised that I am grasping the notes real well. I am understanding Calculus, weird. Even though it is my major I still think that I should be able to be better than what I have been doing for that class. Thirteen minutes and whatever seconds, is how long I have been typing so far. This is sort of getting tiring. I wonder how psychologists interpret this writings. I can't wait to read what the explanation for this writing assignment is. I think it would be cool if one of our tests was just writing this kind of stuff. "Write what is on you Mind for 20 minutes". That would be weird. It would be a completion test grade, which would be cool. I think I have 4 more minutes, and it is weird that I said 'think' because I can not subtract and I am a math major. Well my calculus professor said that he has problems with simple arithmetic also so I am not that worried. It always reassures me that teachers/professors have the ability to forgot simple things like that. It makes myself better. I can't wait for this timer to be over. I am waiting and I am just typing stuff down. I have 2 minutes left so when I am done with this minute I will have 60 seconds left. So, yeah. Time is dwindling down. I wonder how many people are doing this assignment right as I am doing this assignment. What will I do after this. Oh yeah I have to read for my next class. Wait! I have to read for this class. I can't believe I for got, I need to read for this class after my music class. | low | low | low | high | high |
I have just returned to my room from my biology class. Madeline forgot her notes so she has borrowed mine so I cannot study them at the moment. I am very excited because I got a full meal for only $3. 00! I got a free coke, a free corner of a sandwich, 2 free candy bars and I bought a berry and yogurt parfait for 3 bucks, which by the way was really tasty. It is in my refrigerator now because I have only eaten breakfast about two hours ago. Well tomorrow at 3:30 I will be done with classes for the week and I am thinking of driving home for the night to Lake Jackson. It is a three hour drive, but I am not really homesick, just feel kind of lost. The reason I'll tell anyone else for going home is to pick up my new computer. See the one I have works fine plugged into the wall but for some reason unknown to myself and three Dell representatives/technical experts the battery will not charge. SO they have sent me a entire system replacement, after first trying to merely replace the battery. Which is what should happen because when one orders a $2000 system they would hope it would work. So my next class is in about an hour and a half. It is biology which is interesting to me for the most part. It is my major, but I have been planning on changing it. I chose it mostly because what I was interested in was medicine and I wanted to go to medical school after college. Now, I am not quite sure that is what is for me, although it was never a sure thing. Now I was thinking of changing to some sort of liberal arts degree where I could take more classes of interest to me and also Spanish which I recently tested out of 13 hours!! I could also go from there to med school or law school or whatever sort of graduate school I decide on. There are so many decisions to be made. Now that I have finally chosen a college. I still am wondering about that decision. I mean I Have always loved Texas, my dad went here and the school just has everything to offer. Maybe that is the problem too much?? I just sort of feel like I'm not fitting in, but then again isn't that what UT is about, being an individual? Well, I definitely like to be an individual and my own self, but I would like some friends, a group who'll call and see what I'm doing, call to hang out. I mean I have been here only 11 days and I'm worried? Well not yet, I am still giving it time. But I just feel so down on myself and anti-social. The only people I have really hung around are from my hometown. Not that it's all bad, I just was so ready to branch out into something NEW! So going home just seems like a good answer at the time, I even thought maybe I chose the wrong college, but how can I say that when I've been here not even two weeks. At home, making friends was always easy. I was the center of focus there. Had everything, here there is so many that I am, well, unnoticed. That in itself is a change. But then I think isn't everyone else going through the same thing? Then if everyone else is, then why don't we just get together? Well I guess the world does not work that way. But I have not given up yet, there is still hope. The first football game is Saturday and I know that will reinforce my love for the school. I loved going to the games when I wasn't a student at this school. Maybe I can meet some friends then. So it is labor day weekend coming up. Mostly I need to be studying, but that is what school is about. I think we may float the river, so that will be fun. I have started swimming this week and really want to go tonight, but I have a study session for Bio at 7pm, ,hopefully there will be enough time to get there swim, change and make it over to Welch. I just am not sure how to work it all out. drive, walk, ride the bus. I don't live in a city and things are so different here. The town I am from, I didn't even live in the city limits. Hhmmmm. but I really need to workout. I am not going to get fat in college. I need to lose pounds right now, not gain them. But food is everywhere, I guess you can see by the free food. Well maybe I can just eat some now and some between next class to prevent excess snacking. But the candy bars aren't good. Ok, before next class I need to read some bio and some psychology, but what I really want to do is lay in my bed, listen to music, watch TV maybe take a nap?. Nope not here in the college world. Wow, I like to write down my thoughts it is soul clearing. | low | high | high | high | low |
This writing assignment seems a little silly. I mean I'm probably going to spend the first 10 minutes of this thinking about the actual assignment and that doesn't seem very interesting. Actually I'm already thinking about something else. I can't wait for Austin City Limits. We keep forgetting to buy tickets, I need to write that down. I highly doubt it will sell out but I want to hurry up and buy them. Jack Johnson is so good. I can't wait to see him. We definitely need more decorations in our room. Fifty percent of our walls are still blank and its sort of depressing. Maybe that poster sale is still going on. Maybe I'll have my mom send some of my posters from home. I need to remember to call my mom later. I wonder if she misses me a lot. Oh god, it's only been 3 minutes. This is getting a bit boring. I really hope surprising Brian was a good idea. I just hope Doug doesn't give it away. Hell, I hope I don't give it away! I wonder if I'm doing this assignment right. oh well Pennebaker said himself that no one was probably going to read it. I need to do some calculus after this. I'm so pumped I actually understood it today Hopefully it'll stay like this. I'm so worried about the tests in that class. Ill be so pissed if that class brings down my grade. damnit I keep hitting something that makes the cursor jump lines its so annoying. I just love Jack's voice, its so soothing. Its hard to write as you think. My thoughts are moving faster than my fingers. I hope the other surveys I do online aren't as stupid as the one I just did. I'm happy I guess, though, that it was so hard to name things I was dissatisfied with in my life. I couldn't even think of ten. I made up half of them. well not exactly made up but they weren't things I was actually stressing over. Was that even close to being grammatically correct? 7 minutes 30 seconds. ahhh I hope this weekend is fun. I'm looking at the football stadium out my window. I'm excited for my first UT football game ever. It better be good. I hope our seats are good. I wonder what Kelly's sister will be like. hopefully fun and easy to talk to. I hope I meet a lot of people at the meeting I'm going to tonight. Hopefully guys to be exact. Although I bet its going to be a lot of chicks since its the university democrats. I hope not everyone is a hippie/chip on their shoulder/ socialist type. I mean I hope they're intelligent and not just the "being different for the sake of being different type" 10 minutes. half way there Yay! I'm really worried about Laura I hope she finds her dream job soon. I hate seeing her depressed because I know she is but she doesn't talk about it. I hope her and dell are working out. he can be so oblivious sometimes. Aren't most guys? My first instinct is to treat this like an essay and explain who I am talking about but I don't think this is supposed to be like an essay. What the hell would a shrink get from reading this crap? It can't be very interesting to anyone else. I need to go DVD shopping, our DVD collection is seriously lacking. I hope raising our beds isn't that hard. we definitely need a change in our room. I think I want another bowl of lucky charms but I suppose I should finish this thing first. 4. 99 for a box of lucky charms! what a rip. I guess I should have know Cypress would be like that. I should ask Kelly if she wants to go to the grocery store tomorrow. It sucks not having a car down here. I miss my jeep. Its going to feel weird to drive when I get home. I can't freaking wait!! 6 more minutes. I guess its going pretty fast. This thing just seems like a waste of time but I guess it must have some purpose if we have to do it. I actually need to finish reading for this class. can't forget to do that. wow looking at what I've wrote my thoughts seem pretty disorganized. Hmm what does that say about me? I think being a therapist would suck. I wouldn't be able to listen to depressed people whine all day long. wow that sounded terrible. But I suppose its true. Maybe I'm just not patient enough 4 minutes I need to figure out how my scanner works. I need to take pictures so I can send them to my family. my fingers are starting to get tired. I've typed a lot. I still haven't found light bulbs for my stupid Ikea lamp. Maybe we can go to target tonight I think my punctuation and spelling as gotten worse as I went along. oh well. I think he said that we don't need any of that. 2 minutes Thinking about my thoughts is hard, I'm like freezing up. I wonder what would happen if I hit the finish button now. I'm not going to try it because after all of this I want my credit for this assignment! I wish I was disciplined (spelling??) enough to keep a journal. It would be fun to go back and read stuff like 5 years later. I always start it and never pick it up again. I wonder what that says about me? I'm busy. ohhhh 50 seconds! I wonder what the FBA meeting will be like. hopefully nice people will be there I wonder how much of a commitment it is. hopefully | high | high | high | low | low |
Ok, I guess I should be typing, that clock is making me kind of nervous. Well, whatever, I just saw my roommate, I really didn't know she was going to be here. I feel really nervous, I don't know why. Oh yeah, I really need to work on my first paper for my English class. I hope I get a good grade, because when I work on it, I feel as if it should be harder that what it actually is. Gosh, my math class really sucked today. I did not understand a word she was saying, but that's ok, because so did the rest of the class. I wonder what my mom is doing, oh and my dogs too. I really miss them. Even though my dog hates me and is kind of crazy, I miss him so much. 6 minutes, that's it! It feels as if I've been typing forever. Before I forget I need to talk to Daisy today, man that girl is so crazy. I also got to talk to Lillian, just to see how her day went. Napoleon was being so funny last night, I really like talking to him at night, even though we talked until like midnight. I wonder what kind of music that guy is going to play in my psychology class. He usually plays weird music, today it's going to have to do with the brain, that'll be interesting, I suppose. I hope I'm doing this right. Who ever reads this, if it's ever actually read, will probably think it was lame. Oh, well. You're also going to find plenty of mistakes, opps my bad. Gosh, that sounded like a line out of that movie: Clueless. I feel clueless a lot, so that's ok. I can't wait to go to sleep, that's one of my favorite things to do ever since school started. This past 3-day weekend was great because I got to wake up so late and just hang around my dorm with my roommate. She's cool. I'm so glad I get along with my roommate, because I've been hearing some roommate horror stories lately, I guess I lucked out. Wow, I've been writing for 16 minutes! I guess it was harder to get started. I wonder if the people around me think I'm writing like this really long email to someone. they're probably thinking I'm a loser, ha-ha. that's kind of funny to think about. Daisy is probably talking to her internet boyfriend right now at a computer on campus. Her boyfriend is so funny. Some girl just sat next to me, I hope she doesn't read this. I don't know what else to say, my time is almost out. Ahhhh! I wonder if anyone is actually going to read this. Well my time is up, it was great, but I've got to print out my biology lecture. | low | low | low | high | low |
Well, I have to confess, this is an extremely difficult thing for me to do. I am an extremely objective person and it's hard for me focus on something when there is no clear goal in sight, but maybe this will get easier as I go. I hear TV in the next room. My mom is in the kitchen and watching the Republican National Convention. I really should be watching it you because you see I'm a government major (at least that's the plan right now). However, and ironically, the very thing that is going to earn me my government major is also what is keeping me from watching the convention. There now talking about Kerry not being a good leader but the AC which is located next to my room has just come on and now I can't hear. Wow, this is getting a little weird having to make myself consciously voice in writing what I'm thinking. It's amazing you can be so unaware of the thoughts that your own brain is thinking. Ah, pancakes are ready. I would like to go eat them now but I'm stuck here for another 9 minutes and 43 seconds. OOppss, she used baking soda instead of baking powder. No pancakes I guess. I went to the Phantom of the Opera last semester. It was a Broadway production and vg. I have a pamphlet from the evening sitting on my desk, which is why I bring it up. I was depressing though, for all the talent and wonderful set changes. Do you like the sound of the AC. I do. I don't know why but it comforts me. I think the reason it does is because when I was younger the AC would come and there was a vent right over my bed so to keep warm I would have to snuggle deeper into my covers and I like to snuggle. That was a run on sentence but that's how I think, in run ons, so I'm just trying to be accurate. I had to look up how to spell sentence. Yes, I know that's horrible, but you see I'm a very phonetically spell, always have been, and so it's very hard for me to distinguish between the phonetically pronunciations of vowels. Like in the word sentence, I'm always unsure if it's sentence or sentence. Another example is that I used to spell "they" "they" because the e sounded like a long a to me. I better fix that if I'm going into government. | high | high | low | low | high |
I am overwhelmed with lots of work. Yesterday was very productive, and I intend for today to be the same way. I have no history to work on but I have to work on some Latin and some astronomy and go to a help session. I need to call Andrew and see if he wants to go see Thomas in College Station this Sunday. I hope he wants to do that because I want to be here on Saturday so that I can watch the football game in Austin and spend time with Matthew and study Saturday. I need to eat some lunch soon but I have some things I need to get done before that. The lawn mower outside is very annoying, and I hate that there seems to never be a good time of the day for people to mow lawns. Last year they would start the mowers at 7 when I was sleeping and it bugged the hell out of me. There is a party on 6th tonight that I might go to but I am not sure of that, because I don't really like the group of people that are going. I don't want Matthew to go to that party in North Austin because he will end up staying there, and that makes me uncomfortable. This guy is going to Acc and his parents are going out of town so he is having a party. That sounds a little bit like high school to me. The people I have met from ACC just don't seem to have work ethic and I just don't understand how someone could not want to try their best to get far. I have noticed that there are many people at this school that don't think twice when they speak up, thoughts are never concluded when people begin to speak. There is too much individualism, people only want to listen to themselves talk. We live in a society where people are obsessed with themselves. I find that in history very few people make educated assumptions when reading literature. They pawn off what the professor says and act like it is their own words. I love Bob Dylan, people always ask him what his lyrics mean and he always just says " oh, their just words". Its great, I love it. I need to call my mommy today cause she called me last night, I saw this dog on campus today with its owner and it made me miss Emma at home. I love that dog, she is so cute, I swear she has human tendencies. I just miss coming home this summer and coming home to a dog that is so happy to see you. I love dogs so much, I can't wait to be able to have my own. Aww, my computer has been making the most annoying sound in the world lately, and I can't stand it, it is just this sound that keeps on going, never gets worse or better, it just lulls, and drives me crazy. I hate this place so much sometimes. there is too much estrogen in this building, and the fact that guys are only allowed on the weekends kills me. Why can't my brother come up here during the week, I just don't get it. It is so old fashioned. I understand they want it to be a learning environment conducive to studying, but millions of college kids live in places where sexes can mingle and people make their grades. yesterday felt like my true beginning of the semester. I had a full day of academics. I started around 8 and didn't finish till around 12, and I went to sleep so exhausted that I had no trouble falling asleep. But, I wake up in the morning with my back so sore. I don't know if all this work is just stressing me and giving me pains in my body, I don't know. I just know it isn't' from working out, cause I haven't done that in a while. I am perfectly fine with my appearance at the moment, I haven't gained any weight in a long time, and I don't want to let myself. Last year I gained like 5 pounds and I hated myself for it, but luckily I lost it. I need to take more pics and get that battery charged, it is annoying that my dad has that charger. I wont go home until Texas v ou so I won't get it until then, damn. I really want the fall to come, where the days are always in the 60's and 70's it is such beautiful weather, and no humidity so my hair doesn't go crazy on me. Arg, I just need to pace myself today, I don't want to be doing work late tonight, I want to finish around 8 or something, that would be nice. | high | high | low | low | high |
this is raechal collins. my feelings are good right now. I think I am going home this weekend for the first time since I've been up here. I don't know if it is for sure yet, but I'm excited to see everyone that I haven't seen in a while. my roommate is in a bad mood because she found out her ex boyfriend is dating a junior in high school which is just gross. also, one of my best friends from high school isn't very happy. I don't know why but she just doesn't seem happy. my absolute best friend in the world is coming down this weekend though so I might be staying in Austin for that. I just want to go home to see my boyfriend, or whatever it could be considered. I'm waiting for him to write me back right now. even though I can't really write him back because I'm writing on this thing for twenty minutes. I'm excited about this class. I think it's going to be a lot of fun. it's by far my most interesting one, next to swimming. I'm excited for that one cause it will be a good form of exercise and I need a way to get some exercise up here. since all I seem to be doing is eating. I wonder how everything is back home. it's really hard to do the long distance thing, but its weird how they say time apart can make the heart grow fonder, when all it has done to me is make me grow more detached. in a way, I guess it is good, but at the same time, it's kind of sad, because if I was home right now, everything would be the same, and we would be together. except now I'm here and I need to branch out and meet new people. I'm also doing this sorority business and I really don't know if it's meant for me. I like it, but I mean it seems like its just girls who join a group to get "sisters for life" and I don't know if it is something I want to spend all my time and parent's money doing. I never realized how much things coasted until I came here. it is absolutely insane. now I have to actually keep track of my money and its so hard. I had no idea how much I spent a month. I hate my anthropology class. it's hard and I don't understand what's going on in there. also my teacher is blind which is really cool and respectable but its almost distracting because I find myself staring at his guide dog or wondering what he's feeling since he is standing in front of a class of 100 plus and he can't see them. for all he knows we could be throwing stuff leaving class eating drinking and being absent. my friend is being shady and trying to rub in getting her third choice sorority when my other friend got first. it is weird. we have to figure out where I am living next year. it is kind of stressful because every body knows where they are living and I don't have a clue cause I haven't thought about it once. tomorrow night I am going to the ato pledge line. it should be fun a lot of my guy friends went ato so I like hanging out with them. I like my roommate jen. she is a badass and we all have fun. I also like Kelley, my other roommate. actually they are both my suite mates my roommate is Kim from high school. it made it easier moving in and stuff with a roommate I already knew. I would have hated moving in a finding that my roommate was someone who didn't speak English or like hated life or something like that. this twenty minutes is lasting longer than I thought. I didn't expect to write this much. Romeo and Juliet is playing in my room right now, and I love this movie. I haven't seen it in forever either. I remember when it first game out I was obsessed with Leonardo deception. now in real life, he is not at hot as he used to be. he just killed himself in the movie. the ending of the movie/play is very depressing, and my arms and wrists are starting to hurt with all this typing. I need to pick out an outfit to wear to the ato thing tomorrow night. I guess I'm supposed to wear a cocktail dress. I don't want to get all dressed up. I've done enough dressing up for the past week during rush. welp, the twenty minutes is over, it was nice talking to you computer. | low | low | high | low | low |
this is getting really old this is my second time doing this because the page keeps shutting down or going back and I have no idea what's happening to my other writings. so now I'm getting really annoyed because I have other homework to be doing . I also have to do the prescreening because I tried doing it last night and the computer kept crashing. I'm watching the sandlot I remember this movie from when I was a little kid me and my brothers would always watch it. they always tried to make me watch Michael Myers and I'm so scared of him. they used to dress up like him and have his mask and hide in my room at night. they were pretty mean to me. now that I'm gone I miss them so much. mayra and john keep arguing and whispering stuff to each other and I wish they would stop they make it so obvious that they don't want me to hear. I hope I don't have to start over again because that's going to make me so mad. I'm going to the incubus concert next week and I'm so excited the only thing that sucks though is that I have a test on Monday in this class and also my precal class which means I have to hurry up and study and not slack off. I don't want to be one of those students who mess up at the very beginning of their college years and then wish they wouldn't have. this timer is going really slow and I'm getting really sleepy I didn't go to bed until six in the morning. I was up watching videos and eating cereal today is Nichol's birthday and instead of me buying her something she bought me a glow in the dark wish bear. I thought that was very sweet of her but I feel bad because I have no idea what to get her for her birthday she has everything that she could possibly want. were going to go eat at red lobster on Saturday and were going to the movies to watch wicker park. I already saw that movie this weekend but I liked it so I want to see it again. it was about a girl who becomes obsessed with this guy. I wonder why people become obsessed with others I mean does it have to do something with their brain or is it just lust and they want to get their way. I hope I do good in college I don't want to mess up. I'm not even sure what I want my major to be. I was premed at the beginning and I still am but it seems really difficult and it needs a lot of determination and hard work. I know I could do that if I really wanted to but I want to have a life outside of school and it seems that's all that doctors have time for, books and work. so I'm getting really hungry and my head is starting to hurt john and mayra are still arguing and I don't like it at all. I feel bad when people argue because I feel I should try to make everything better. I know its usually none of my business but I like to make people happy. all of my friends tell me that's a bad quality because I never end up doing what I want. but the thing is I don't want to hurt anyone especially those I care about. I feel like I'm hiding so many things from so many people but they would never understand me and plus I don't want to disappoint them. I know that if they really loved me they would understand and be happy for them but I'm not sure I want to take that chance especially if I don't even know what's going to come out of it. I'm probably not making any sense right now and I wish this would hurry up because they are really getting mad now and I'm using johns computer so I feel like I'm using him and mayra is getting mad at him and he is doing me a favor by letting me use it. they left the TV on a baseball game and I don't want to watch that. I need to go and check in with my job because I need to start working already. I'm running out of money and I don't want to ask my mom for money because she has bigger things to worry about I just want to make it on my own and make her proud. they are all doing so much for me to be here that I don't want to make them doubt why they believe in me so much. I really want to go home and watch TV and fall asleep and forget about everything that's going on right now I feel like pretty soon everything is going to crash and burn and its going to be all my fault and I'm going to be left with nothing except regret. I regret not being honest with everyone right now but I'm just trying to take things one day at a time. hopefully everything will get easier and make more sense because I have no idea what I'm going to do if it doesn't. I hope that everything that is happening is happening for a reason | high | low | high | high | high |
Well, I today I'm feeling pretty lovely. I woke up this morning and went to the gym. Afterwards I took a shower and went downstairs to get something to eat. I met up with this boy I am talking to, he's really sweet and sexy. He makes me feel special. But I'm being very cautious in this little relationship, because I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, and I don't feel like getting hurt. Anyways, my sandwich was really good. I'm also watching Seinfeld right now. Actually if you want to be technical with it, I'm not watching it because I'm typing right now, but it's on in the background. But yah, I love Seinfeld. I think it's the greatest show in the world. I am still amazed at how someone can write a nine season show about NOTHING. That's crazy. You know what else I think is crazy? I don't know how in world I'm going to manage my time between classes and work-study and the gym and my social life. It's like there is so much to do. Especially with all this reading I have to do for psy. Now that's crazy! Why do we have to read so much. Why can't the teacher just teach it to us. Maybe I'm just being lazy. Who knows? Yes! Another episode of Seinfeld is coming on. Anyways, on Monday there's a Seinfeld marathon. It starts at 7am until the end of Labor Day. That is really cool. I can't wait. But yah. I wonder what grade I'm going to get in this class. I've done all my experiments. I be damned if I had to write some 5 page psychological paper. So you know I got started on those experiments ASAP. Okay! Anyways, I really don't know what else to write about. So lets see. let me think. What else can I talk about. Oh yeah! There's a football game tonight. I hope we win. I wish I could go, but I didn't but any tickets. I don't even know where to buy tickets from. I should of just got a sports package. That would of made my life a whole lot easier. I have this football player in my class. Actually he's in two of my classes. He's nice. We study together, because our rhetoric class is kind of difficult, and he's always falling asleep in class. I don't blame him. They work those football players really hard. A little bit too hard. That's just ridiculous. Sometimes I feel for them, because like how do they expect them to do good in school, when there only getting like 5hrs of sleep a day. That's not good, especially with all that strenuous activity they do. I know I wouldn't be able to do it. I know after I come back from the gym, I'm ready to go back to sleep. So I really feel for the football players. But I guess if you really want to make it to the NFL, you got do it. You got to stick with it. And that really goes for anything. If you want to accomplish any of your goals, then you have to stick with the game plan. Anyway, you know it really hasn't hit me that I am in college yet. I mean it kind of hit me last week, when I was going out with some of my friends. And it was like, I don't have to call my mom and tell her what I'm doing, I don't have to worry about her sending out a search party for me. I don't have to answer to nobody. It's so great. I love this! Anyway, the way I see it if I just find out some way to manage my time with work, gym, classes, and my social life then everything should just work out fine. Yah in a perfect world. Anyways, looks like I got about 4 more minutes to right. Okay lets, see. You know what my favorite episode of Seinfeld is? The very first episode, when Jerry and George where doing laundry. That's a really good episode. I know like every word, scene, move. everything about that episode. Anyways, looks like I'm going on only two minutes left. Two minutes and forty seconds. Two minutes and 30 seconds. Two minutes and 20 seconds. Two minutes and 10 seconds. Two minutes and now we have ONE MINUTE LEFT. All right I'm on a roll here. Lets see, I guess I'll just sign off now. Well this has been really fun. I hope whoever is reading this has enjoyed reading this. Have a great day and a great like. 5 seconds left . and GOOD BYE! | high | low | low | low | high |
It's a bit past 4 pm on a Sunday, and I only just woke up a while ago. So here I am, writing a psychology paper which has no definite topic as such. I usually listen to laid back electronic-type music when I do papers, which is what I'm doing now. I feel it helps me free up my mind, and help me think more clearly. I don't know how this paper is going to end up, or whether I'm writing what I'm supposed to, but I suppose that's the point of the exercise. So - tracking my thoughts. Well first off I just realized how annoying the timer at the top of the page is. Watching it tick away while thinking of something to write (which shouldn't be a problem anyway since I'm supposed to write what I'm thinking and not the other way around) just seems to get on my nerves a bit. I wonder what the rest of the writing assignments this semester will be like though. They need to fix this page up though, it didn't work in my primary web browser, Mozilla Firefox, and I don't like Internet Explorer all that much. Oh, the music just changed, it's a bit faster and slightly more aggressive now. I got myself some candy too, though I probably shouldn't have since I'll be having lunch in a bit. It's getting a bit warmer in here, someone probably increased the air conditioner temperature again. And now my roommate is playing basketball outside in the living room. One of these days I think he's going to break something. 10 minutes and the clock's ticking. I really should get some work done today. I pretty much wasted the last two days, but hey, what are three day weekends for? I've got some Math and CS homework, as well as a freshman seminar paper. Math's an interesting class even if it is too easy. Not to sound self deluded, but I do think I know more calculus than most people in that class, at least so far. Computer Science is a different story though. The class is a bit harder than I expected it to be, but nothing beyond me. A little googling and I should easily be able to look up anything I don't already know and complete the assignment. Java isn't really one of my strengths, but that doesn't mean I can't make it one. I like psychology though, at first I thought it would be impersonal and intimidating because of the sheer number of students in it but that's changed. 17 minutes. I just have to continuously keep looking at the timer. And the music just stepped up, now it's a bit faster than before. And I actually got this paper done! I'm so proud of myself! well, not really, but I'm glad I got it done anyway. And now my mind's a blank really. Looks like my time's up. Did I mention I hate popups? Time to click the finish button. | low | low | high | low | low |
well, I wonder why I'm here. languages can be a real problem especially when you have 100 pages to read every day. Maybe this is what people called college live. no time, no entertainment, no nothing. maybe it's not the case for native students! so why am I here? Am I anywhere better than them? Or will I ever be better than this advantaged people? what advantage will I receive once I finish this college hell? hell with it. It's not so bad actually. maybe. I don't know. There are so many things I want to do, but don't have time for. I have to fit into the class room, so I got to read the textbook, pretending that I'm cool with it. Who knows how I'm doing? I don't even know that. Sometimes I wonder what will come after. After all this years of staying and trying to fit into a culture that I don't even like. Is it money that draw me here? Or is it something else? Maybe I'm just tried of what I used to do. Although I don't know exactly what. Live repeats itself, again and again that I don't know whether I've done it already or it's just a similar experience. Memories are tricky. They fool you, mislead you, and abandon you. Am I here for the 2nd time? Or even more than that? What am I searching for? Trying to reach a perfect life? I wonder how many times more do I have to live in order to achieve that. Enough for the questions. since there will be no answers to that. Austin is a nice place. The weather is quite similar to Taiwan, but not as humid. People are busy, as they did in community college. but the more people there are, the easier you fall into isolation. I don't remember when I get my first "friend" in college, but people seemed more relaxed back then. Memories make things look at its best. That's how human survives. Cell phone is also a devise that's supposed to do so. But do they? People get more and more dependent on such thing. They want to be connected. but with whom? What's the meaning of saying hi on the phone and trying to find a correct time to hang up though out the conversation? Cell phone is tiring. They only work when you need to be picked up. There lots of quite Asian girls on campus; I wonder where they're from. Are they having the same troubles? I don't see any good looking Asian guys out there. Too bad, it's always easier to find good looking girls than guys. Well, as long as it nurture my eyes. Not being able to see good looking things can be a torture! That brings me to another problem in Austin. No comic book store!!! And I can't even watch the DVDs I brought. Damn capitalistic Americans. Region settings is plane stupid. | low | low | low | low | high |
I smell soy sauce in are hall some girl spilled it all over the place and now you can't be anywhere without smelling the nasty odor. Well I got back from a bible study got to see some people that I haven't seen in a while I suppose it made me feel at home and I actually made plans to hang out with someone I met this summer and haven't been able to see him that much. Anyways I enjoyed it but at the same time I wonder about my relationship with God I suppose it is a thought that always lingers in my mind. Is it strong enough to I pursue him enough am I a good person sometimes I don't know. so I'm listening while I do this music seems to be something that I have always enjoyed the way everything flows together and becomes something more than noise it seems that music in some forms is the perfection of the interpretation of emotions it not only puts words towards your feelings it gives the words syntax by adding in a conglermation of cacophonies that seem to support the words, Now even though some music doesn't appeal to me I believe that if anyone is writing the music backed by emotion and truth or feelings then they have earned my respect if that really means anything but to those who rock you have got my salutations. So lets get real I'm an 18 guy so I do also think about girls quite a bit. Today I thought of a girl in high school I missed and it is always an itching feeling or thought in the back of my head to try to commit to a girl or girlfriend. Even though I don't know what the hell I want to be honest, is that all this world is trying to please ourselves in order to feel worthy, who are we trying to impress. I don't know? but I can't deny my feeling I believe that truth lies in your emotions and that god gives you certain emotions that give you truth in your life. Sometimes I feel that the only thing we have here on this planet is love that's all we have that is really worth any value and if we give it away to others that is the only way to truly fulfill not only yourself but others, Live life love life. So as I continue to right I remind myself that love exist and to give it freely to those who are in my life. I find myself always observing people walking to class its amazing how afraid people are to look at each other simple glances are rarely seen. what a society it would be if people simply acknowledged each other in life. So many lonely people. What do I like: the smell of rain, the sound of a harmonica and an acoustic guitar blending together like reunited twins, the smell of the mountains the feeling of seeing the sunrise and the gratefulness of seeing it set knowing that were alive and living I met an 80 year man this weekend he told me that life was to good and he didn't want it to end. I agree some people have forgotten that but I hope that one day the world will realize that being alive is the hope that we all have has long as are heart keeps beating there is something to do something to live for, someone to love, something to give, man being a kid was freaking awesome and I could play all day doing something as simply as climbing a tree or hide and seek and it was amazing. I wish I had a glass of milk before I went to bed but hey what can you do. Well there went 20 minutes I suppose I will go a little over to leave a quote from jerry Garcia "live life to the fullest and in death all you can be is grateful. " | high | low | low | high | low |
How much time do I have before I need to do some more homework. This week is going to be pretty busy. It is hard to find out what is due and when because their are way to many different places to find out. All the teachers should use the same service. This would make it much easier for students to keep up. My goal is not to fall behind, but I have missed some classes of geology. I need to find out what I missed. That class is going to suck. I wish I had a car so that I could get places farther than a mile away. I hate writing. I hate typing. It is hard to write down everything you think. Our minds work 5 or 6 times faster than one can type or speak. So if we could talk faster, we could get up to 5 times the amount of information to someone else, leaving us with more free time. This would shorten classes and anything that requires communicating. I'm glad my spider bite went away. It sucked that I had to go to the health center for it. They gave me a shot in my ass. It left a bruise, but it didn't hurt until an hour or so later. It just sucked that it was on my face. It made me nervous when I heard that corterzone lowers the immune system because I had been putting it on for many days. Thank god the over the counter medicine does not do harm. I spend much time alone now that I moved away. Luckily I enjoy being by myself. It is nice to have the peace and quiet. The parties are fun, it is just that I would prefer to chill with just my friends, not a million people that I don't know. I don't know too much about bull fighting, most other sports I have played. I do not see the glamour, passion, and joy of bullfighting. It seems barbaric to use ones instincts | high | high | low | low | low |
the weekend was nice. an old family friend came up to visit. I've known him since 3rd grade I think? something like that. bowling. Bumming around. Gaming. pool. Eating. Etc etc. Was fun. now back to class after a long weekend. ugh. These classes aren't very interesting. But that's ok. it's just basic sequence right now. once I start taking major sequence classes. I think it will become more interesting. these classes just seem like a hassle. I never liked writing assignments. Mostly because I've never been a strong writer. I'm not very skilled at thinking of what to write. words never seem to flow. I don't know. I really wonder what I'll do with my life. biomedical engineering sounds all fancy and stuff. But will it really provide me with a decent life in the future? I really don't know. it doesn't seem like there's much flexibility with this major. I do take cem, phys, bio courses and stuff. So it seems like my work covers over areas from different majors. I guess I'll have a wide variety of knowledge. But I won't be an expert in any of the areas. plus with competition from foreign sources. The future scares me even more. I guess I do get somewhat bitter when I think about how researchers may earn something like 40-50K a year. But then the MBA that hired them gets 100+ perhaps? that's just bs. I don't think it's very fair at all. But nothing's ever very fair. man. I really want a job. I have time I guess. But no transportation. and then not all the jobs I've looked through were at the right times. I applied for something at the LAN cave in jester. I hope I get that. then I need to start looking for scholarships. Internships. Summer research. Etc etc etc. oh yeah. I need to look for an apartment for next year. I really don't want to end up in the dorms again. as much as I like the fast internet. I really want a room of my own. And the freedom that comes with living in a place of your own. I guess it is pretty free in the dorms. But I can't blast the music when I want to. Or turn up the volumes for gaming. besides. Blanton isn't really the best dorm out there either. not having a sink in the room really sucks. it's not a big deal to walk to the bathroom. But for stuff like making ramen. A quick wash of the face. Or maybe just a drink of cool water. I have to make a trip. I guess I'm just lazy. But it's odd that some dorms have sinks in the room and others don't. only ten minutes have passed. Feels like a lot more than that. time passes slowly when you're not having much fun. I like seeing things animated. Or in motion. sitting and writing. Or reading. They're not that interesting. I do like reading about computer technology and astronomy and cars and stuff. But it's hard to make myself sit down and read a book like harry potter. I haven't done that in years. yeah. I don't think I've willingly read a fiction book since middle school. I remember those redwall and mossflower books. I guess they were the trend back in the day. I signed up for the 3rd coast gaming competition later this month. aiya. I'm a bit worried. playing at the arcades isn't like playing on a console. the controls feel different. plus. When I play at the arcades. I get beaten a lot. I guess it kind of hurts my confidence. But that's ok. I'll just see how I match up with the other people in the competition. besides. It's only $10. And I think it'll be fun to watch the l337 play. I could really go for a huge huge glass of orange juice right now. Maybe some pluckers wings too. I don't know. What should I write about. "anything at all". it's so vague. I like having a little more of an idea of what I'm doing. *shrug*. Oh well. don't use this as a cry for help huh. I don't really cry out for help. well. Not in very noticeable ways. keeping secrets hurts you huh. I guess I've probably shortened my life a lot then. aiya. Being Asian. That's my excuse. the guy isn't really supposed to show weakness. Heh. What a stupid way of thinking. But after 18 years. It's hard to break the habit. I wonder how people can be so carefree. I hope the year goes well. I really do. Too much tension everywhere. I really just want to break lose and forget all the responsibilities I have. But I don't think I can. it's just not something I'd do. I'm tired. I need to find something. Someone amazing. I don't want to just cruise through life. | low | low | low | low | high |
Well I am just sitting in my room on a rainy labor day, all my roommates are either out of town or napping so it's really quiet in here, which is actually really nice considering I hardly ever get alone time to just sit and think about stuff. Too bad that I have so much reading today and preparation for the bible study I will be leading for kappa that I have little time to rest I really have trouble relaxing once school starts up because I have so much going on that I feel guilty if I am not always being productive. I know that I need to take time every day just to sit with God and tell him what is going on in my mind. So that's what I want to do with this exercise I am going to type everything I think about but it is going to be in the form of a prayer to God. I hate that I feel like I constantly need to be watching my money, or what I eat, or anything else in my life that gives me a sense of control and like I am making wise decisions, why is it so hard for me to accept my screw ups? I know I human, and that I am sinful and that I can't do anything on my own. So I don't know why I get disappointed in my failures, why should I expect anything else??? I feel pretty guilty about how much time I put into some of my relationships as well, like I wish I was there for Lauren F. more and really was keeping up better with how she is doing and holding her accountable. Please give me the time and desire to talk to her and pray for her. I also really need your help in not letting the devil get a foothold in my thought life, I need you to make me aware of when I start to count calories (eaten or burnt!) or when I start to keep a constant tab on how much I spend or what people owe me. Lord I want to see every blessing in my life as a gift from you and not as something I deserve because I know that I do not! I also know that I need to take a nap this afternoon if I want to get any work done later so I pray that I would be able to do that as well. I have so much stuff going on that it can really make me lose sight of what's important. YOU and my family and friends and everyone else in my life. Lord I want to see everyone in my life as a divine appointment. I feel really excited about this year but it's discouraging when I can already see myself getting caught up in the unimportant stuff. I really want to crawl into bed right now and get some sleep instead of finishing this assignment, but what can you do! I hate that I was so irritable with my mom and dad this weekend and really hope that they can fix the problem they're having communicating, I am also so worried about David, MP, and Nancy, I just want them to see that all the worldly pleasures they are looking to escape the sadness of a broken home will never fill that void and that they desperately need to know you Lord, and understand your love for them. I wish I knew what to expect on this PHL test coming up on Thursday, but there I go again with wanting to know things before the right timing. I am worried that I am not studying for my classes as dedicatedly as I should be but I know that I am doing the best I can and they shouldn't be consuming my life. I am so glad I got to spend time with ford this weekend and I really hope that he doesn't have a flight delay because of the rain here and in Atlanta because I know he has a lot he needs to do when he gets back. But I know he was supposed to be here this weekend and I am so glad that he got to talk to Chris last night and really hope that he calls to tell me what they talked about. I feel a little anxious right now about getting all my work done today and for some silly reason I am really upset that the tuna fish I bought and that 7up drink turned out to be busts, because that cost what, maybe $4???? come on Louise you are so cheap get over it!!! surprisingly I am not really nervous about bible study tomorrow night but I know that I need to be really giving that to you and I really hope it doesn't all hit me at once tomorrow. I am really hot so I had to go turn on the fan. I wonder when becca and Martha are getting back, is it wrong that I kind of like that they aren't around right now? Why is it that I like to be alone so much, is it selfishness??? I am kind of worried about Kyle maybe liking me, I really don't want him to, because I really love having him as a friend and I really don't know what makes me think that he might want something more but for some reason I've been getting that vibe lately so I really hope that I can act in a way that doesn't lead him on but that is still nice. Man that 7up stuff I got is disgusting!!! why do I always try those things. Healthy soft drinks?!?! what a joke!!! of course it's going to taste awful. I really hate that I am always feeling like I need to be repaid when I do something for someone I mean seriously! why can't I just give out of love and show like grace like Christ did to us??? I am really excited about this PSYCH class though because it'll be cool to see if this is really the direction god wants me to go for my career. I am so glad to have this day off to rest and catch up in studies and for the 12 hours of sleep I got on Saturday I really need to get rest because I know I don't get nearly enough, help me allow more time for sleep and rest in my schedule because obviously you didn't make us require so much sleep for nothing! I just wish I would enjoy it I pray that I could have a peace so that I could sleep right now. | low | high | low | high | low |
last night I laid down and I Couldn't go to sleep for anything. sleep would be nice right now, I have class all day today. my classes are pretty cool though. I have music psychology and ceramics. I'm good at ceramics though cause I got grounded a lot in high school. high school was fun. I have a lot of great memories. I miss my friends sometimes, but it was time to move on. I feel more free, no one knows you or anything you can do what you want and be who you are. I am finally realizing the value of that too. I think its the art . I love art its constantly running thorough my head. The way I look at everything, the way I find beauty and perspective in simple and complex things, the way I am so attracted to things that are gorgeous. not only on the outside but personalities for example and music. I am going to incubus on Wednesday and they are brilliant. its cool too cause my homework for music class is to go to a concert anyways. my music class meets too often . 4 days a week. that shit is ridiculous. I feel like I am taking 15 hours but I'm just taking 12, which allows for a job. I am going to work at the frank Erwin center hopefully . I was a waitress this summer at el Chico. I love Mexican food. I am so damn hungry right now. oops can I cuss? oh well. my stomach is rumbling and I felt it necessary. I feel tired and hungry and event the sound of punching these keys is annoying but the relief of finishing this assignment is un-explainable believe me. lately I've been dead set on being responsible and I am hell bent on making all A's , so when I can make a check on the 'old to do list, its like its lifted from my shoulders and that no joke. my back hurts so bad every day from stress. its actually kind of funny that in class we talked about the correlation between stress and the immune system because I was stressed to hell the first couple weeks of school and a couple of weeks before with bills and work and money , etc. and I could not get over a dinky little cold for 3 weeks, and now that I've gotten into the scheme of things its so much easier. its so much easier just being a sophomore in general. I remember when I moved into the dorms my freshmen year. we moved everything in and I remember after my dad left standing there looking around. I had no phone, no friends, and no clue and I think it was the scariest moment of reality in my life. but when I look back I have learned that you can't always know everything at that second. you have to give yourself time to grow and learn and not be so anxious to know it all. what is this an autobiography? I don't know I am just writing as I go along. I like to write. I write often actually, sort of like this but mainly about things no one but me cares about. I like to vent, I NEED to vent. its almost like when I write something down it jumps from my mind and onto the paper and is no longer stressing me out. I don't know maybe I'm weird. I wish I could find really unique ways of expressing myself, so I do poetry as well. but I am getting bored with this subject so lets jump to another. how about love? I am in love. I am not quick to say that either and it is not something I was trying to do or even wanted, but I have found my soul mate believe it or not. he is perfect, and believe me I am not naive. he is the most unique person in the world ( maybe its the ADHD ) and I love his mind because I appreciate things I cannot understand myself or find how its done, and he fascinates me. really all I want is to be fascinated, and to laugh. I love to laugh. you know those times when you just laugh your ass off so hard you cry. man that's the best. seriously. that's why I like to surround myself with people who make me laugh. I make myself laugh too. I am quite lonely during the day and end up having to entertain my head with humorous thoughts. or just dress weird and laugh inside when people give me weird looks. I love that. | high | low | high | low | high |
Right now I am doing this psychology ut what will I be doing in the next couple seconds. Oop, my roommate just walked in and I have to talk to him and do this stream of consciousness writing at the same time. Hard! My room mate said hi and I am having trouble responding to him, it looks like Stephanie is impressed with my bass. All right you all have a good one. Roommate has left, that is weird. I wonder what Misung shin yeah interesting ats salivate when they win him and Stephanie are going to do together, probably nothing much, I can hear my roommate, err my people across the way talking about something they usually play madden 2005 until the wee hours of the morning which doesn't really bother me but I think it might a little, who knows its probably just something to complain about. I want to go out to dinner tonight and was thinking about going with David but I don't have his number so maybe ill call mom and dad to find out his number oh man that paper reminds me, I got to do the psychology experiment before Saturday I don't really understand the experiment system but I think it is explained somewhere in this syllabus well I have been going on for a while now and I still have a ways to go, phooey. I like my psych teacher though, he can somehow make the things we talk about in class not only funny but very interesting. oh man I think I accidentally typed some words in the wrong spot oh well I'll just keep going so yeah my psych teacher is good, and this intro class is very interesting makes you want to learn more about neurology I was thinking about how he really knows his stuff and if I could ever be a professor who really really knew his stuff. Do I work hard enough? I think I do, I been taken it easy this week just chilling in my room but I've been working too. Another thing that I can't escape thinking bout right now is girls it the subject on every young mans mind, yet maybe I think about it more than others. I think about whether or not I'm too picky. I haven't ever gone with a girl for longer than like 2 months I really can't stand the thought of a girlfriend, I haven't really met a girl that I'm really interested in even though in these first few weeks I've already had some opportunities but I just straight decided I didn't' want to go with them why? you know it has to do with looks I probably seem really shallow but I just want a chick who looks DAMN good not just good if I find myself thinking of reasons why I don't like you the fact of the matter is I'm going g to ditch and better sooner than late I've ditched some really cool people and I feel bad about it but then I've been ditched too sometimes I think I have too many friends but the fact of the matter is if you don't want to be somebody's best friend eventually your just not going to hang out anymore so I need courage the courage to approach a girl and ask her out on a date, don't worry about if its going to be a good date just go for it and get rejected damnit that's what I say get rejected and feel that pain because one of these days your going to ask her she's going to say yes and then its just going to work these things don't just fall into your lap out of the blue at the least you have to keep yourself open to other people always meet new people I think I will ask Kim and Liz if they want to go out sometime now there's two people that look like they got their shit together Liz dropped out of sfa last year so what? she has her priorities straight you know everybody has their faults I don't want to be recognized for getting a's in class that's crap I want people to say yeah that guys is a friggin funny cool guy I like being around him, but I only want people that I can get along with to say that how do you tell the ones that like you but you don't like them gto go away it seems harsh you don't want to be an ass and the fact of the matter is you may need them some day but for what??? as long as you've got your friends you are unstoppable you are having fun you are just with your buddies and you wouldn't have it any other way like my family man I just realized how much I love them by being away from them for such an extended period of time I really missed them I didn't think that would happen but it did my sister my dad my mom are really important to me and I love them to death bottom line man I'm hungry after this I'm going to see if I can get a hold of David and singer and maybe well go get something to eat I got to talk to David man that guy is really cool maybe I have the number in my desk somewhere I don't know but maybe ill just be lazy and go out by myself, maybe just maybe ill go out an meet somebody that will play an important role in my life maybe ill have one of the best times of my freshman year who knows what could happen in the 20 minutes after I finish this project who knows? God knows? don't get me started I could write all the proofs that straight out blast Christianity to the nether regions but no I believe in that little piece of spirituality that's in us all call it God Jesus whatever its there but it is just there its our spirituality it is us so thanks for reading and ill talk to you later boi. | high | low | low | low | low |
this is the weirdest thing I have ever had to-do. right now my roommate is watching the graham Norton effect and it is hard to concentrate. the show is really funny. he just changed the channel I am going to ask if could turn it down a little. Yesterday I had a really good date. it is all I can think about today. I hope things turn out good because I don't want to be hurt. I went to the gym today. I like and dislike working out. I like the end result and the feeling after working out, but I hate the feeling before I have start working out. I want to go out tonight. I don't have class on Fridays so I feel obligated to go out and do something. I got some people to go salsa dancing. nobody has really confirmed f they're going or not. I kind don't want to go anymore, but since some people already said yes I have to go. I am sure I will have tonight. this is really strange. I am just spilling out random thoughts. I really like the guy I went on date with. Well I don't know if I like him or if I like the idea of being with him? I guess time will show. I am tired of being single. I want a boyfriend! I was at the gym and I felt for some reason really aroused. I usually don't get aroused at the gym but today I saw a really hot guy that I couldn't get out of my head. I wonder if that is BAD THING to like a guy but still be really turned on by other guys. I know it is perfectly normal but I would have tired something with this guy if he had asked me to. maybe that's why people think I am whore. I m really sexual. I am really worried about getting in the communication school. I think about everyday. if I don't get in I don't know what I will do if I don't get in. I just had dinner by myself. I hate eating by myself. I think it is because I had no friends when I was growing up. I have friends now but tend to want them around to much. I want to have sex I hope ya'll don't read this because are going to think the worst of me, but at the same time I don't what anybody thinks of me. for the most part. I keep looking at the clock to see how much time I have left. I hope I am doing this right because if I am not than I will be really mad. my is cool but he tends to be an ass sometimes. he was just over my shoulder reading this. I told him not too and then he stop. he is watching Seinfeld now I wish I could enjoy the show right now. Wait no he is watching the king of queens. my mistake. I can concentrate now because I don't like that show. I have a lot of pretty friends. | high | low | high | low | high |
Man today was a really long day. I'm a so tired but I have all this crap to do still. mostly calculus. I don't know why I took 408D. its so freaking hard. I hope I'll do okay because I just have to. I signed up for tutoring but I don't know how much that'll help. I like this cd I'm listening to. I've listened to it a million times but still like it. man I'm really upset that alias isn't coming on this season. I love that show. It was one thing I was looking forward to this semester. I wish I could be like Sydney and kick butt. but instead I'm really boring. man I am so freaking tired. the bathroom has gotten really disgusting. I don't want to be the only one to clean it but I don't want to be the only one to complain that its dirty. I hate cleaning toilets. I mean it would be okay if it were at home because that's like our toilet and I kind of know the germs around. but this is used by four other girls and eeeeek I just can't think about it with out cringing. college is about cleaning bathrooms or learning how to. I guess I'll get used to it. Its going okay so far. I mean its fun and all but I don't know. I really really miss home. Its weird not coming home to your family everyday. I've met some really cool people but I still miss my old friends. but I'm getting used to going places by myself. Woo hoo I'm no longer a person that asks her friends to come with her to the bathroom. sheehs its only been 5 minutes. I don't know how much more I can type. This is a cool assignment not much thinking involved but wait haha I am typing what I am thinking so hey. my fingers are beginning to hurt from typing so much without stopping. Wait I missed my favorite song on the cd. Oh well. I wish asthma were here with me. We could do some awesome stuff together. but amrita seems really cool we've had great convos. but I'm still scared to make new close friends like I loved my friends from hs. We were such GOOD friends. Making new friends involves retrusting strangers and just starting over. Its hard for me I'm not one of those people who can socialize with anyone anywhere. I feel really alone sometimes in a room full of people but I guess that's natural. wow its only been 8 min and 48 seconds. but I shouldn't complain this is better than doing limits in calculus. lord calculus. I'm so worried I have to do good I have to. After this I should start some calc go over notes and then hwrk. tomorrow is discussion so it shouldn't be so bad. but I'm still worried sometimes the ta randomly calls on people to answer questions which isn't good when I'm totally clueless. Its embarrassing. but I guess I'm not the only one. Some people didn't know the answers either. The only thing is that in the class there's all these engineering majors completely engrossed in calculus they seem to understand everything. the class would be tons easier if I knew someone in there to help me. but there is morty. he's in a diff class but he says he'll help me. He's so freaking nice. he helps out a lot and hangs out with me even though I can be boring haha. I think he feels bad for me because I'm not adjusting as well as him to college. he's having like the time of his life . So many friends and places to go. I should keep my self busy so I won't get so lonely. I'm joining clubs and stuff but that makes me nervous. I want to run for office but its so scary for some reason. I have second thoughts about everything I have no idea why. I wonder where my roommate went. She works out everyday. Its inspiring I should too. I'll go to the gym. Haha I'll try who knows if I actually will. I went once and really liked it but I just have to find time. It seems like I have boatloads of work. but college is good. I'll get through it. I just don't know why people say its the best time of their lives. so far it just seems alright. Who knows I still have at least 4 years . I'm so sleepy. 5 more minutes of this and then calculus. No time to sleep. Ooh I need to watch RNC tonight. I missed last night but Laura bush was there. It might of been interesting even though I'm not much for republicans. everything lately is so political. its funny. in every class discussion there is some mention of elections. like in psychology the polls were really interesting. how people afraid of death are more likely to vote for bush. who knows if its actually true but I think there's some validity to it. sigh. I'm going home this weekend. I'm excited. I'm getting a ride from a stranger kind of so its weird. Haha that's what's cool about being Indian. parents can always find some other Indian kid to drive you home. oh well. I'm so tired there's only 2 minutes to go. This was actually cool and stress relieving. you know when you have so much on your mind its good to let it out. oooh asthma just imed me. I haven't talked to her in a while. damn she hangs out with matt Clark now. I find that to be so freaking funny. who would of thought? anyways man all I can think about is sleeping and dreaming haha I like dreaming lately I have weird dreams last time I had this nightmare | low | high | low | high | low |
I have realized that my computer at home is a lot slower than my cool computer at school. I miss my computer at school, but at least this one does not have annoying pop-ups like that one. Ah! I am angry at Christina for downloading a stupid program onto my computer that had hidden programs. I am at home right now and I am happy, I miss being able to shower without shower shoes on. Everything is a lot more clean too, at least that is how I feel. I think that that's just because I am used to home. Oh my god my typing skills have deteriorated I think so have my spelling skills my head itches and I just washed my hair so now its dripping all over my shirt, because I am too lazy to blow dry my hair. speaking of which I need to bring my blow dryer to school so I don't sleep with wet hair because that gives me headaches. Today on the bus back home I was feeling nauseous hmm I do not think I spelled that right because I was reading my psychology reading hehe that's what I'm writing this essay for anyways I was feeling like I you know having to capitalize all the It's is very annoying and my weird keyboard is not helping very much either o yah so I decided to take a nap so I would not throw up. I miss my house. I hope tomorrow I will be able to hang out with my old friends who are still at home! many of them have left already except the ones going to west coast schools. lucky people they are, except they will still be in school in June when all of us are out! I told daddy about the Normandy scholar program that I was interested in, but I knew that he was not going to let me go or really try to apply. I think that my parents are way to protective of me sometimes, but I know it is for my own good because oh! I might get in some accident over there and they will not be able to help me, but seriously, if I get into a really bad accident there should be people in Europe who would help me by the way the Normandy scholar program is this thing where part of it you spend three weeks in Europe going to old world war II sites and you learn about world war II, which I think is interesting partially because I seem to be weirdly interested in wars and stuff, maybe that's why I like Ender's Game so much. but I also like band of brothers! which got me interested in world war II in the first place! and my favorite movie is black hawk down which is also kind of about a war, but more like a battle. I'm thinking about bringing my DVD's to school, but one they might not fit into my tiny suitcase and two they might distract me because I'll want to watch them instead of studying, like how my roommate and I stayed up until 2:30 for the past 2 nights watching Chinese soap operas. I think it's really funny because I am not really into girly stuff and the acting is so bad in these dramas but they sort of just suck you in and you have to finish watching them, like when you watch anime, speaking of which I need to see if the next Full Metal Alchemist episode is out or maybe I will just borrow it from my buddy. She's crazy but I like how she is protective of me. So I know that I hopefully won't get into any scary trouble! hehe it's like, now that I am away from my family at least I have someone I can trust to be there for me most of the time. I hope. I think. I don't know. maybe not that much. yea my hair is getting dry and now I have a piece of hair on my hand. I seem to be shedding a lot but I think that is normal because everyone else I have talked to say that it happens to them too. I just don't like how every time I wash my hair big wads of hair come out. I feel like I'm going bald, except I still have tons of hair, which makes me wonder how do I still have this much hair yet lose so much hair every time I wash my hair. because it takes a while for new hairs to grow as long as the old ones right? I wonder how much hair do we really have on our heads. I miss my sister and her friends this summer was really fun. even though I was only in California for about a week I really felt like I belonged there. It just seems so hard to go out and meet new people. I think I'm too shy around strangers. If I acted like myself when I'm with friends around people I don't know maybe it will be easier to make new friends. but I am afraid that eek I think I feel that I have a headache coming on. but I feel that I'll scare people away. But I mean if I'm going to be their friend they will eventually find out that that's the way I am right? I guess yay only about three more minutes to go. I think my contacts are getting kind of foggy. I should blink more. I wonder do hard contacts yah they do but I think they get more dry quicker than soft contacts. I think they might be dirty but wouldn't that make my eyes hurt? maybe I don't know I always cringe when they fall into the sink! ew so gross. and to think that I'm putting these into my eyes everyday! I forgot to bring my sucker thing home just incase my contacts got stuck in my eyes. But I guess it's okay because I hope guess think they won't get stuck. so I didn't really forget I just say I did. it's kind of like I'm like a pathological liar then? I don't know it's just easier to say things and not have to explain them because then people get bored and are like "why are you telling me this" so I just lie to make it easier. I wonder if that's bad? like I remember the time that my friend called me really late at night and wanted to talk for no apparent reason. now my time is up! | low | high | low | high | low |
Ok, it's labor day. What a great day. Good thing because I needed to do a lot of homework. Geez, calculus is so easy but they give us too much homework. That baja place really sucked. That's not Mexican food at all! It was way too expensive for the way it tasted. That dog commercial was funny! I have been eating too much Domino's Pizza lately. I'm going to lose all my muscle and just get fat if I keep it up. Halo was awesome last night. 3 Hours for one mission! That's crazy. But it was so much fun. That girl I met is so cool. She's different, and I like that. Hmm, if I try too hard she won't like that and she'll get scared off. If I don't try at all she'll think I don't like her. Girls are so freaking confusing. That chick had a guys name. Mr. Pennebaker is pretty cool and funny. I thought it was going to suck at first. Oh my god that psychology book is starting to get really hard to read. The next chapter talks about all the parts of the brain and I don't think my brain will be able to remember all that stuff. I wonder if that puppy turns girls off? Hmm oh well if they don't like it I don't care. I should get more water because its starting to run out. Is weed really that bad? Hmm, why do so many people do it? I don't know but I don't think it's that bad. Alcohol is probably worst and that's legal. My hand is starting to hurt and it's only been like 6 minutes. I miss my car. It was so freaking fast. Going 125 on the highway was freedom. Now I'm really stressed out and don't know how to relieve it. I want to play halo again. I'm going to try to call her again in like an hour. I hope she isn't too busy. Man I should just wait for her to call me, what if she starts hating me for trying too hard. I want to eat McDonalds later on. And some ice-cream. Damn, then I have to go run for an hour. Why am I starting to hate that. It used to be my favorite thing to do. Well probably because there are so many better things to do here. Church was ok. The singing and piano were freaking awesome! It was a little boring though. Mass in Spanish is better for me. I have to go look for one soon. That'll be better. If god doesn't exist that would suck. That means when we die we just die. We can't dream anymore, we can't think, or do anything. We just don't exist. I can't even imagine that. Because when I am sleeping I am still thinking. What would it feel like to no longer be in existence? Well you wouldn't really feel anything. I'm answering a lot of my own questions. Why does Pennebaker want us to do this. He has his professional degree. He must be pretty damn smart. Maybe he is studying us every time we go into his class. I miss my dog. I hope he is in doggy heaven now. I hate cats, why don't they like me. Hey it's Robert, I'm going to go answer the door. Ok lets turn on the TV. Only 8 minutes left. pp pp shee pp pp shee. He's busting a beat it sounds pretty good. I like coke better than Pepsi. How can anybody not like Adam sander. He is so funny and so is that guy on that god movie. what was it called. Hmm. Hmm. Oh yeah Bruce almighty. what was his name. Ace Ventura no that isn't it. Hmm. Oh Yeah JIM Carrey. he is funny too. Old but funny. Wow will smith looks good for him being so old and all. I want to keep looking that young when I get old. Music is awesome. I've learned so much about what I like since I've gotten here. I think I'm going to learn a lot about myself in this college. I'm glad I got accepted. Actually I like that I got that full scholarship. Man mad TV is funny. they are really good actors. I hope people don't think they are losers because it is really hard to keep a straight face and act so well. We are going to go eat again. Yummy! I hope it is like a burger place or something. Kinsolving food is pretty good. The people there are also really nice. That black guy is hilarious. He is really friendly too. I wonder when I have to take that test for the business school. I think I failed it the last time I took it. GOD she is so pretty. Both of them. Why are girls like that. Why do they lead you on. Even now she is leading me on. Is the new girl my girlfriend now? We do everything that couples do. we go out in public together and everyone has seen us. Does that make us an Item? Maybe. I'm not sure if I want a girlfriend here in college. But the companionship of a female is really good. Having a good girlfriend is hard to find. I hope that girl I met last week will be good friends with me. I can learn so much from her. But she is too attractive and it'll be really hard for me to just be friends with her. I've already kissed her. She let me, so what does that mean? Maybe just friends that think they are attractive. She probably did mean that she doesn't want a boyfriend. Well girls are so confusing. 20 minutes up, time to go eat. Later | low | high | low | low | high |
This summer has been such a burden on me. I am dwelling in it and it is eating me up. I don't know why exactly we broke up I just know that it was completely out of place and unexpected. I find myself digging myself deeper and deeper into it and not really caring what it is doing to me. I just can't seem to let it go. It might be because we were together for so long and go so close. She was the best person God had ever put in my life. We seemed to click, it seemed so perfect, and she told me she felt the same. She told me a couple weeks before she left me that this being her longest relationship was starting to trigger her flight reflexes. She was scared. She told me I meant to much to her and that the relationship meant to me to her. She had just come to terms with the fact that she was in love with me. Something she hadn't let herself do with anyone else before me. It felt so right. I was at such a high, life was so good. I was happier than I had ever been. I became so dependant on her for happiness. I know that is something that was unhealthy, but she had gotten just as dependant on me. We had so many plans for the future. We planned out every step of the way. Factoring in everything including my going off to college and her finishing up her last year in high school. Everyone is telling me to move on, but she told me before she left that if anything ever happened between us, for me not to let her go. She wanted to get through this hell or high water. Nothing was going to tear us apart. During the summer we got closer than ever. We had many plans for the summer. We bought tickets to concerts. Then she went off to camp. She said nothing was going to happen at camp. Four days into it she calls me and tells me that she can no longer be with me. What the hell happened at camp. I go to Warped tour and she with someone else. All I can do is give her a hug and say "Nice pick over 6 feet tall and blonde, just like I said. " Seeing as I was joking around with her a few weeks before saying that she would leave me for someone of that exact same description. Later she calls me and tells me it wasn't what it looked like. I blew up on her. It was a normal reaction. Everything she said before camp got my hopes soaring, and then BANG, everything comes crashing down. Everyone tells me that she probably found someone up there. And I completely defended her. Cause I knew her better than anyone else, not only my thoughts but hers as well. She was just afraid of commitment because she had been hurt so much in the past. Every male figure in her past had let her down, and she couldn't comprehend someone loving her as much as I did. So because all the idiots in her past, I have to be let go because she can't handle commitment even after all the time we spent together. Why did she have to go, we were happy. I don't know what happened at camp. It was more than seven weeks ago that I talked to her. I called this week and left a message she didn't return. I called again today. She picked up we talked for 18 minutes and 36 seconds. She seems perfectly happy, just as free as a freaking butterfly, not caring at all, it seems, about what I am feeling. How is it that she can be so freaking happy being alone and I'm sitting hear eating myself up and being miserable. Is everything that has happened a game to her. I don't understand how I can move past this. I can't. I don't what to do. I gave her everything. And it feels impossible to get it back. I still love her more than I love anyone, including myself. All I can do is sit and write songs about it. | high | low | high | low | high |
It is interesting to note that when I work on something in my head, I always forget what the details were unless I write it down. One thing I do remember though, are the feelings. I feel like what I had though was a great accomplishment that should have been written down to further my learning ability, particularly in math. With this I acn create a continuation, or a stream of consciousness type format within my math knowledge. This would help me learn a lot more on my own, rather than starting over as much as I do on particular problems. The only problem is I do not know how to keep a good organized notebook, rather I havjust not done it yet. I can keep things very well organized when I want t, but finding the motivation to do this , that is a hard thing to do. I wish I could find a way to ake a lot of things easier. Speaking of which, I always make things easier in math. I always say that I am so good at some things because I make those things much easier than most people make them. I do this because I am lazy. Simply put, I work on something to make it easier for me in the future. Ultimately I get easier work tat way, so I am a lazy, yet slightly thoughtful person. Thoughtful in the way of thinking, not as in the consideration of others. Well my roommate walked in the room, so my stream of consciousness is screwed. So hi!! Well, anyways what was I talking about?stuff. Ohhhh my laziness. That's a long subject. I am very lazy, but I really need to work on my laziness. I am trying to do this, my mental laziness is not very bad, but physically I don't do as much as I like. So, I guess signing up for intramural sports was a good thing. I am going to try flag football this semester. and I REALLY want to play ping-pong (a. k. A. table tennis, as I should probably start calling it). I was a little. Ok very. upset when I lost so many times the other day, I don't normally play as bad as I did that night. I just used a contraction, I was told not to use those in formal apers so I try not to ever use them in any type of written assignment, or even when talking o frieds, apparently I did not follow through with that a few moments ago. Well, other than that I am kind of at a loss on what to write. I am very hungry now, probably has something to do with the food I am smelling. I wishi could gain some weight. Which reminds me, I used to go around saying how much I wanted to be fat, but I quit saying that when some friends of mine told me how much that they did not like me saying that. My hands are getting tired and my mind is starting to sleep. My eyes are shutting too. Not good when I have 8 minutes and 16 seconds left. Oh well . I want to go eat now. I have a lot of homework tonight. I won't get to do anything fun, I won't ever get to do anything fun on the weekdays, I may have taken too many hours, but then again is college supposed to be asy???? No its not. ( I used that contraction again). . And I forgot the apostrophe, haha. Anyways college is supposed to be hard. So, I should probably enjoy working on homework 6 horus a day, catching up on the weekends while I do laundry, and then on the weekend nights I get time to play ping pong and be with other Dean's Scholars people and play intramural football with them. Speaking of which I played ultimate frisbee the other day. Err I mean yesterday. It was great, It was good to have some more physical activity in my life. I scare myself cause my abs. Well, where I should have abs at least. Still hurt from limbo three days ago. Also my legs hurt to. My roommate just said scrotum. I have no idea why. Scares me a little more . Just thought I would let you know that. He is nuts, I guess I should go back to what I was tlaking about earlier. Food. Haha, I wonder how many words I can type per minute, this would not be a good excercise to try out that theory though, cause if you take an averageit will be a lot lpwer cause I am getting very tired right now, that and I am not punctuating very well, and I am using contractions without the apostrophe's. My roommate just reminded me of George Carlin. Funny man!!! You should atch his stuff sometime, its hilarious. I am talking as if there is someone going to read this. Oh, only a minute and a half left. My eyes are starting to see some funky shiznit on this screen. Man, I am Hungry. !!!!! heh, I just looked at the time and it said 19 11, reminded me of 9:11, I see that all the time, or at least I used to on the alarm clock, or any clock for that matter, then I got hurt and it no longer showed up. | low | low | low | high | low |
This is kind of new and interesting. I have never done my homework like this before. I accutally tried to get on the computer to do my prescreening, but the computer isn't loading the page so I thought I might atleast complete my writing assignment. Psychology is such an interesting field to study. It is my major in fact at this moment. I don't know if I will change though. The reason why I chose psychology as my major is because my family for a large part suffers from bipolar disorder. I was always told by my parents, since it is genetic, then one day I will have to face the fact that I will also be afflicted with this disorder. With my fate already laid out before me, I thought I might learn more about this disorder and how the brain works in general. I never liked the concept that my destiny is laid out before me. I mean, yes, genetics do play a certain role in who the person I am, but I don't think it determines everything. I guess this is only part of the whole nature-nurture arguement. This experiment reminds me of some sort of journal. I was thinking about starting a journal and writing down all the interesting experiences I go though in my college carrer. I am so lazy though, I know I will fail to write down something one day and one day will turn into two days and then I will probably forget to write in it all together. I know it would be beneficial, both psychologically and emotionally if I were to reflect on everyting, but it seems to me the time spent on writing down all my thoughts is more valuable to me than accually having a journal itself. A dark haired man just sat near me. He didn't sit at the computer directly near me. I wonder why that is? Does he think I smell? Does he think that I will become offened? Does he find me unapproachable? Or is he just scared of women? I never understood the concept really. People tend to perfer to sit with an empty seat between them unless assigned or told to sit next to one another. I do the same sometimes, but other times I sit next to the person anyway. For instance, I sat next the this guy who had a richy-rich hair cut in my psych. class. He wasn't very charming. That's okay because I wasn't interested in him in that context anyway. I tryed to make friendly conversation just for the sake of conversation. I hope he didn't think I was hitting on him because I wasn't. He really isn't my type. He is in the business school. Ehh. I mean nothing is wrong with that I guess, but people who are business majors should just wear a sign saying 'I want money'. Nothing is really wrong with that either because money is good to have, but to focus your life's carrer on that seems kind of mundane. I think money is important, but not as important as knowledge, wisdom, and happiness. I guess it is because I grew up having absolutely no money. People may say they have no money, but really I have no idea how I ate dinner. I was that poor. I think it is because of this, I tend to value education. I look for people who are cultured and knowledgable about soceity. That to me | high | low | low | high | high |
adrian is rather BORING to talk to. I called him first and he didn't even seem the least bit surprised or even thankful. nice. "oh abby. you're so BEEEYOOOTIFUUUL and so PPEEEERRRRRFECT!!" I bet he likes the attention he gets from imbuing someone adoration. maybe that's the exact reason why I'm attracted to him. I'm attracted to the fact that I'm attracted. isn't that completely vain?? and shallow too. I am ashamed. maybe I can't control it. it just doesn't happen everyday that someone at least pretends to like you for such exaggeratingly good qualities. I feel bored. I do not want to read 50 pages of some stuff I can't concentrate on while listening to the TV. even if its TV stuff that I don't want to hear. I'm listeninng to music. finger 11. not anymore. I miss caleb, jacob, pinky, ed, michelle, michael, mom, dad, janie, cesar, cynthia, everything is SO DIFFERENT from just only 5 years ago. we all used to be so close together. geographically and familiarly. I think this assignment is cool. all our writing assignments should be like this. the experiment I participated in last week was really boring. I thought it would involve something interesting like tasting some product or doing something physical like a handstand and see how gravity affects blowflow to certain body parts. THAT would be a cool experiment. it could help those poor astronauts and their whatever space effects. HUH!! they should be helping poor homeless people off the streets. its got to be somehting psychological about that because I mean. people could work if there's nothing physical impeding them. Hten it must be mental or emotional or ptsd. my cousin, michelle, said I almost gave her ptsd. post traumatic something disorder. I thought that was funny. I wish I had an awesome sense of humor to make people and myself laugh all the time. all I can do is act like my stupid self and that makes people laugh because I'm so naive or ignorant and oblivious to something. what kind of. ok. what REALLY FREAKIN bothers me about the Church's doctrine is the frenching thing. its been bothering me for a long time. probably longer than it should. man, not EVERYONE goes straight to copulation after they french. yeah, it may arouse the man. or woman, but not really. surely not. I don't see WHY we can't until we're married. its showing AFFECTION. gets to know the other a bit more I guess. I don't understand. no comprendo!!! I like my immortal by evanescence. evanescence is a COOL name. its a sad song though. I wish I could just not have ANY expectation about guys liking me so when one finally does, finally LOVES me, then I'll be surprised and it'll really reallly realllllly count. I get so Disatisfied. I want to go to rome, paris, england, switzerland, russia, romania, I want to speak all their languages!!!!! but look here. there's no FUNDING no TIME for learning all of them. I wish I could feel the ever "playful Presence" like in Dean Koontz's book "One Door Away From Heaven. " AWESOME BOOK. I've got to do chemistry and finish my calculus. CALCULUS IS FUUUUUUN!!!! the ta is cool but I DO NOT know what he tries to say when he teaches!!!!! he would've been a REALLLLLLY CUUUUUUUUTE guy if he wasn't gay. tooooo baaaad. I do not agree with homosexuality. takes away from the beauty, sanity, naturality, rightness, sanctity of humanity and the world. I ain't never lookin back, and that's a fact. I've got pride I'm taking it for a ride. I liketat song. I like tiers, I'd like a really tiny tier for a pet. that'd be soooooooo fun and not to mention cooooool. dr. moreau should have created mini-creatures for the future. my time is almost up. htis was a cool assignment. I had a cup of noodle soup. I'm really full. I feel like I don't have to eat for 3 days. maybe I should try that. see if I'm a SURVIVOR. I don't think I'd DIE from that 3 day fast. people stay around for longer without food. I wish they didn't have to. | high | high | high | high | low |
Damn if I didn't hit enter out of habit at fourteen minutes, submitted an incomplete, computers eat my soul, thinking though again on the great badmitten essay of 1999 in outdoor education, a gym coach that never read or listened to the students, known as fact, killed time by writing idiot descriptions of sporting history, history of badmitten, wrote mashed potatoes mashed potatoes mashed potatoes mashed potatoes filling my two pages, I got an A. I met my girlfriend in that class, thinking back to short, white hair and anonymous breasts, she was drunk on our first date, she'd been with many other partners, she smoked and was vulger and knew everything about kandinsky, I painted a portrait of her standing next to a giant anthropomorphic hot dog outside the kodak theater, the hot dog dabbed his own head with ketchup, like a chicken spokesman for a chicken store, a cow for cavender's, or a retarded inmate on death row for the republican party, moving on my dreams dr are a numb series of catastrophic violence, eating brains of my best friends and crying for the deaths of assholes, once fought jack nicholson in a sea of burning ember monkeys, died by the hand of an explosive ship painting, buried under the weight of fat men, my last trip to big bend found me at the base of a babble agave, watching silver linings to form concentric circles around the great javelina head, tusking my eyes out so we could share a nice moment alone at sea, crying in the arms of alien waifs, couldn't fall asleep til I beat tyson in my mind, I graduate in three months with classes outside my interests cause they told me I took too much too much so now you need to suck it up and finish with the freshmen who are there because they don't know where else to be well I know where I need to be and it's not around this keyboard spilling oil into the duck's mouth and making him chase it with a beer, my cat soon yi just came into the room, hopped into my lap staring at these words march across this screen down the page and out of my life. | high | low | low | low | low |
I'm thinking about what I need to do before classes start again, but every time I get started, something interrupts me or I just don't feel like doing it. I'm sitting in my room in front of my awesome new computer listening to the 'Wicked" soundtrack, it's amazing. my room smelled before, but I cleaned the kitchen so now it doesn't smell anymore. stacy just walked in my room and I yelled at her because I am not supposed to be disturbed during my writing assignments. I'm feeling kind of gross, actually. I feel gross because it's the end of the weekend and I was out partying the whole time. I hate when people are like, "yeah I party", but I seriously did the whole weekend. now I feel dirty and gross. I also ate like crap this whole weekend. ew. during the week I'm so healthy and so conscious of what I eat, and then the weekend comes and it's like I've never seen food before. what is that about? so now I feel gross because I feel like I ate the entire state of texas and I'm disgusting. I'll get over it. I kind of miss camp right now, even though I would never go back. I miss sam israel and hilly and weisberg. those three are like my favorite people in the world. this time seems to be going by so slowly. I feel like I've been writing forever and I haven't. weird. so back to camp. I miss it because I was so comfortable and so happy. here, I'm not used to everything yet. and I miss those three girls because I know that they will always be there and I've known them forever. I'm still getting to know people here, which is fun because I love to meet new people, but sometimes I long for that feeling of comfort and not having to impress or look good for anyone. you know what I mean? and I also miss adam. this is something I could talk about for a while but I don't really know if I want to. it's our 4 year anniversary in a couple of days but the card and present that I sent him won't get there on the 8th, I feel kind of bad about that. what can I do? it was so weird when ross called me the other night, what the f? I'm running out of things to talk about. I love traci, my suitemate. I knew her from camp and I'm really glad we decided to live together. despite what everyone said, I knew it would be a good decision. we've been getting along really well. I'm thinking about "friends" right now because it's my favorite show. I love it so much, and I'm so sad that it's over. but I'm excited to watch "joey" on Thursday. I'm definitely going to support him even if the show sucks, though I doubt it will. this is random but I'm going to run out of soap and shampoo soon, I'm going to have to go to eckerd's to buy more, and I need to return some books to the co-op outlet because there were some books that I didn't need. hopefully I'll get store credit, and then I can buy some stuff. that would be awesome! I need to return my chemistry and old psychology book. I found out that I was in the chemistry class for science majors, and let me tell you that I'm the furthest thing from a science major. I hate science. well I don't hate it but I definitely don't belong in that class. so I switched into chemistry in context which is for sure more my pace. and I actually swtiched into this class after classes had started and I found out that I bought the wrong book. I just figured something out about me. I hate bad spellers. so random, I know, but I see myself typing and every time I'm about to spell something wrong or I mistype, I get so angry. I don't know how people can just leave words mispelled. I hope nobody reads this because they'll think I'm such a weird kid. which I am, but not everyone needs to know that. my brother, danny, always tells me I'm a weird kid. he's so funny. and whenever I talk about him to other people, they always ask how old he is, and then they are surprised when I tell them that he's 16, because the way I talk about him, it sounds like he's older. danny always gives me orders and bosses me around, but in a funny way, not in a serious way. people always make fun of our family by calling us the "brady bunch" because no one ever seems to fight in my family. I don't know why, but we all just get along. my older sister is my best friend in the entire world. sure, we get annoyed with each other every once in a while, but she is absolutely the first person that I go to with a problem and she's the first person I tell things to. and danny is awesome. there's nothing not to like about him. he's so cute, nice, smart, funny, he's a great catch. some day, girls are going to fall all over him. they should. me and andi (my sister) always say that we would date danny if he wasn't our brother. he's such a cute kid. I'm kind of mad at him though because I haven't talked to him in a really long time and he said that he would call me and he didn't. I hate when people do that. I really don't know what else to talk about. I guess I can go through my high school friends and talk about them because then I'll have plenty to say. I hope that's still following the assignment. so I'll start with olivia geyelin. I don't even know why I'm writing about her because she sucks. I mean, I hate this girl. she might be the dumbest person I know, and she's always complaining and never knows what's going on. she gets mad at everyone for the dumbest reasons. ew. but I kind of feel bad for her because she's got the worst family life ever. ok I'm sick of olivia, now I'll talk about rikki spreckman. ok, I used to love rikki, she was so sweet and nice and always smiling. and then I realized how selfish and dumb she was. I hate sounding like a bitch but I' m starting with the people I like the least and working my way to the good ones. ok so rikki, sweet girl, adorable, but so dumb. and she's best friends with hillary, who I'll come back to later, but it annoys me because hillary's one of my best friends and I hate how much time they spend together. I'm not jealous, I just know that hillary could do so much better than rikki, but rikki seems to need hillary. and I feel bad for hill because a lot of people don't like rikki, and so they're always talking about her and then people assume that because hill is so close with her that she sucks too, which is so not true. but I've known rikki since junior high. ok now on to sarah salon. I used to hate sarah. she's a bitch. not kidding. and she's intimidating as hell, but only if you take her seriously. now I like her a lot more because I'm not scared of her and I don't take her shit. she has two older sisters who might be the meanest people ever, and she tries to act like them but she's so much better than them. sarah had a boyfriend for a really long time, and so her and I were always able to have really great conversations about boiyfriends and relationships. she's always so much fun to be around. I like her. but her and rikki had this whole feud going for a while and all she would do was talk about rikki and how much she hated her. I'm wondering if this timing thing is accurate because I really feel like I've been doing this forever and every time I'm typing, it seems like the seconds don't go by, but every time I pause, the seconds go by quickly. maybe it's in my head, I don't know. but it's weird. I'm going to start looking at another clock to see how much time has gone by. ok after sarah, I only have favorites left. everyone else left, I genuinely love, they're my best friends. I'll start with lizzie albert. Elizabeth Chandler Albert. I met lizzie freshman year and we were instantly best friends. I'm not kidding, I loved her so much and we could always talk about anything and laughed so much together it was ridiculous. and we were always on the same intellectual level because we were pretty much the same (but she was smarter). in our group of friends, we were the smartest. we were bff, I swear and then junior year, our friends kind of got in this fight and we didn't talk for a really long time. it really bothered me. I'm not joking. it killed me that she didn't want to talk to me and I didn't understand. it was so bad. we were never the same again. but at the end of senior year, we got close again, and now I think we're really close, like reverting back to three years ago. I miss her so much, she goes to wisconsin. she's probably having the best time. I can't wait to go visit her. she's so funny, I always have a great time whenever I'm with her. Love her. ok after lizzie comes simone. I met simone actually a long time ago. Maybe in 1997. she came to camp and we were good friends, we were in the same cabin. then she stopped going to camp and I didn't see her again until I was in high school. then we became best friends. I LOVE simone. she cracks me up and is so great. we finish each other's sentences, she reminds me of my mom so much, she's like another sister to me. we took this class together called 20th century history and literature, and it was the best class that I have ever taken. I'm so glad that we were able to be in that class together. I hate sounding cheesy but it's true. there's no one I'd rather be in 20th with than simone. simone's dad died the day before her 5th birthday, and so she lives with her mom. she has two sisters, so the four girls are pretty close. her mom works all the time so I feel like simone's ahead of all of us, she's already an adult. she does things by herself and is really mature. love her. she goes to bradley which is so good for her. I really hope she's happy. she rocks my world. after simone comes marisa. LOVE marisa. we always knew each other but weren't really friends until about sophomore year. then the end of junior year and all of senior year we were like inseperable. we were best friends. me, simone, lizzie and marisa were a foursome. she's so funny, so sweet, loooooves to talk. I love her family and going over to her house because I always have a good time when I'm there. marisa was the kid who was on the fast track, if you know what I mean. she had sex when she was 12 or 13, had a cell phone before everyone, never really had any rules. Which the exact opposite of me. but she's great and I love her. she has parties and her house is always the one we go back to after dances and stuff. marisa and I went to breakfast every Saturday morning of our senior year. that makes me so sad that I don't get to do that anymore. she goes to indiana, and she loves it. both her parents went there and loved it. her mom was president of aephi there, so she won't have any problems getting into the sorority. marisa goes with the flow, she's not uptight or anal about much. she's actually underrated anal but I won't tell anyone about that. love her. and last, I'll talk about Hillary. I love her. I've known her since the early days at camp marimeta. she was always the little girl that everybody loved. we didn't become friends until we were older and then became like best friends junior and senior year. she' so great. I honestly love her and miss her so much. she wanted to go here so badly and didn't get in. Ass holes. but I don't think she would have come here anyways. I can talk to hillary about everything. I love her. she goes to illinois. I can't wait to go visit her. she's so fun and we'll have the best time partying, but I also can't wait to just talk with her and lay on her bed. she's so funny and a great person to be with. we're very similar in a lot of ways and I just think that she's great. the first time I came to visit texas she came with me. and we were on poms together. She was even my big sister one year. I miss poms. and I miss hill, I need to call her actually because I miss her so much. she's so cute and so talented. she's the best dancer ever and she has a really great voice but she doesn't really sing anymore. sometimes I make her sing to me, but she doesn't sing for a lot of people. ok so now that I only have about a minute left I can talk about adam. adam jeffrey silver. I met the kid the first day of high school. I was like, damn he's hot. we were in like 3 classes together and our last names are close so we sat next to each other. we exchanged phone numbers, he asked me to homecoming and we dated ever since. he's my best friend in the entire world. he knows me better than even I know myself and more than my sister knows me. he's so special to me and I know that I'm in love with him and that I will always love him. I miss him so much. sometimes I don't' know what to do with myself because I miss him so much but I know it's the right thing to be with other people right now. how else are we supposed to know if we're really right for each other? this is the time to find out , you know? well, it's been great. see you later | high | high | high | high | low |
At this very moment I feel anoyed and somewhat angry at what I see everyday. For example, there was a notice on my apartment door that I read after coming home from school. It stated that there was a homicide in the apartment complex. about 3 days ago there was another notice that warned about an armed robbery nearby. When I ride the Ut shuttle busses to school, I notice that now a days there is no sense of courtesy, nobody thanks the driver and students don't even bother to notice traffic when crossing streets. everyone is too caught up in their own little worlds to even show some form of humane decency. I don't know why I get angry when I think of this, maybe I pay too much attention to things I shouldn't. I have always disliked people but loved individuals, but what can be done to improve or avoid ignorence bbut to simply choose not to act irrational. enough of that. Now I am beggining to think of all the things I must do. I feel rather confused because I don't know if I should quite my job. It is not easy at all to be a full time student and work over 30 hours a week as a waiter at Antonios Tex Mex. On top of that, I just moved from apartment complexes, and I have not completely finished orginizing my stuff at my new apartment. There is an empty Burger King bag infront of me and I feel guilty. You see about 1 year and 5 months ago, I used to be very fit, I mean I had it all. I'm 6 ft. tall, and during that time, I weighed about 200 lbs but out of pure muscle, I was scorching hot. That is around the time I meat my girlfriend (I hope you don't think this is cheesy) and so we got together; about five months passed, and I just ballooned into 265 lbs. The reason I stated earlier that I felt guilty for eating the burger was because I am trying to get back in shape. And I also feel bad because I know that my partner worries about my health. But I do get satisfaction and happiness due to the choices I've made in my life, I chose to stay in school and never do drugs, also I have a person who has been with me in great times as well as tough times, and has had love for me in my horrible looking days as much as in my good looking days. | high | high | high | low | low |
Okay I was asked to write about the way that I'm thinking this is an pretty easy assignment, but then comes what am I suppose to write about and is it really that easy to put thoughts to paper. I know one thing is I sure do really want to go back to houston where life was much easier and fun. Here people are to damn concieted and full of them selves, theis mainly means the females, maybe its cause I'm hispanic or something. Either way I never had diffulty meeting girls. Well its probably cause I miss my gurl my lil china back in h-town. Hmmmmmmmmmmm what else mann I'm bored and tired and I wonder why my led hurts. Its been doing that all week. I'm not as athletic as I use to be that makes me sound like an old person. But foreal though its so boring out here parties are bunk. Who the called me today have no idea who was that girl I wish I knew who she was thought she sounded reallly good though. Lets see what else is there to say I don't really feel like college has got hard yet but I feel it coming. I hope I'm ready when all the hard works hits me BAAaMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmm!!!!!!!!!!!! Just like that. I realize that I do think of gurls a lot that's crazy even right now I'm talking about gurls haaaa. Hmmmmm will I meet a girl out here who will at least be my friend. Maannn this stupid computer is slow and these dum pop ups keep coming up man I didn't realize that 20 min was this long man I forgot how to type fast so ill just use this as practice I guess. Soooooooo lets see Wow there sure is a lot of porn online stupid popups trying to distract me all the time just leave me alone like micheal jackson mann that guys weird I feel srry for those kids lol. no but really that's sick I'm on 12 min and 10 sec. hmm doesn't seem like I said a lot so man I really not liking austin if this continues I'm going back home. I don't kjnow though I got freedom here like I would have in houston there I got a person watching me which is goood but how willl I ever grow without learning on my own. I actually learned how to wash clothes out here that's a big accomplish ment seein that I never did that. Yep I can a lot if I put my mind to it those white kids won't know what hit them when I get all my grades up and start knowing more people imma take there gurls lol. Then every body willl be on my swangers foreal mann those cookies smell good but if I take my hands off the keyboard then ill stop typing and that's no good screw it let me get a cookie. Hmmmmmmmmm that's good lol. I feel like I'm chatting ca;use I just don't care about grammer. I need some music its so boring and what kind of crap do they jamm down hurrr its so weak and so is the dancing. yup good old h-town inned to go back and chill with my friends and especially Lindsey My Love man forreal though I miss her most of all its like when I say I miss houston I mean her cause she's the only thing worth going back for. maybe in the future if it was meant to be ill meet here again and well fall in love all over agian! I wish but she's beatiful she wouldn't be single and she's just perfect. I heart her. | low | low | low | low | high |
hello professor, I'm doing your little writing assignment even though I have no clue what to write so Ill do what you said to do and wirte about anything that comes to my head. today I have to do a lot of study work, not much else to do b. C I lifted weights and played bball yesterday for bout 6 hours and now I'm in the UT cycling team and its pretty damn cool. I should excel in this sport because I know how to push my body harder than anyone I know, no matter what the test I always push my body harder than everyone else. I want to be the best no matter what the sport or event. I should also be good at this because I love to ride my bike and to do it as a sport? wow lots of fun. music. hmmm I like it a lot, I have lots of it in fact I have about 15 GB of music on this computer which is about 5,000 songs so I have a wide variety of music and that's good to have, its also good to have know a lot of things which is exactly what I do, I know lots of stuff that nobody else would know. I am extremely good at jeopardy and I usually have as much money as the winner and the funny part about it is, they have had college and lots of schooling, most of the contestants were graduate students and I have just begun college. by the way my classes are in no way difficult, I hope your class doesn't get hard because I have a a lot of calculus which isn't hard, just very time consuming. what to write, haha now that I ask an opportunity has presented itself, a girl that I know just said hi, got me some of that last weekend, I've known her all my life and she looks pretty good too, she goes to tarleton(redneck city) but its ok, its still good. I have a way with people, if I can talk to them for about 10 minutes I can get them to really like me and if I want to I can make them do almost anything(no alchohol has to be used). you can ask my best bud who goes to school here, he knows that I have a way with people and I do that's what's so cool about this. I have a great life ahead of me and I want to live it to the fullest and no matter what I say on here I can't stop typing so I will continue and the music is great by the way damn I've got to go home this weekend, everyone misses me too much although I don't miss any of them except this girl that I went out with for bout 2 years, lots of fun there, I love her yes I do and she loves me but since I left we broke up and now she's trapped with a druggie b. C if she dumps him he will either kill himself or me so she's very scared but I don't care, it will all work itself out in time I just hope it won't take forever. my calculus teacher is skin a real social reject, he has no body mass, he is skinnier than a toothpick and his clothes almost fall off of him its funny to look at that finish button is looking really good right now, as in extremley good, I wish I could click it right now but I can't b. C my 20 isn't finished yet so I will continue in my efforts to type and type continuously like you wanted, geez 20 minutes is a long time to just type and have nobody type back to you although I have writted letters that have taken me 3 hours to write and consisted of about 10 pages of paper, but I don't care, I don't care about much anyways, just my grades got to keep them up, I care about my family my future and the girl back home, I care about my frineds, I care about my physical health and looks that's why I love to be in shape but other than that, I don't care about much of anything, there is no reason to care and by the way I SUPPORT BUSH he is a good man and if the media didn't give him such a hard rap about things people would like him a lot more the only reason many people don't is because of the media, I even ask them why they don't like him and all they can say is just because, I reeally wisht tthat they would take the time to research things and see who the btter candidate for the president is which is obviously BUSH!!! anyways I don't really liek the music that is playing right now its not really that cool and has no good beat at all, music is a beautiful artform wchich I believe is the best ever but who cares? nobody. I am out to change the world and I will you will see --Mad Hatter--out | high | high | high | high | low |
I believe in the future of agriculture, with a faith born not of words, but of deeds. Better days through better ways. That's all of the Creed to the FFA I can rememeber, although I had to recite it for many times. I feel somewhat out of place in my apartment with 4 other room mates because I pay the least rent but I have the most disposable income. I'm not sure if I spell a lot of words incorrectly because I'm dyslexic. I will say that by typing, my spelling improves. My hand writing is horrible. I can bearly read the things I write. I've worked out deals with most all of my teachers in the past about letting me take assignments home and write them. Man, this room is hot. I just turned on the fan but it's still way too hot. I want to take guitar and speed reading classes. Those are two areas of my life in which I think I drastically need improvement. Although, none of which are pertinent to my life right now. I supose the speed reading class might be. I'm so far behind in my readings for all my classes, I don't want to start. Twenty minutes is a long time to write about nothing. I wonder how many books have started, or been intirely written with not forthought what so ever going into the plot. I had a dream I thought should be a book the other night, but I can't remember it. My memmory has been getting worse daily. Not just because of the alcohol consumption. I think I'm acutally drinking less now than I did in high school. I'm feeling an excess load of self inflicted stress lately, and I think it should get a little worse in the next coulpe days and then a lot better. My girl friend of over a year and a half and I broke up a couple weeks ago, but continued to date. The part that bothers me is that I don't have the same free time as she does, so all my free time still goes to her, but she's dating other people. I told her today that I wanted to sever ties for 3 weeks and see how that goes. She's totally against it, and if I were her, I would be too. She still has the comanionship of her 1st and longest boyfriend, and can date other people on the side. One of which is the same age as my 23 year old brother who is a huge reason we broke up in the first place. I feel this pain inside me I've never felt before when I hear her talking about going places with him. But like my roommate says, there's nothing like a good jam secion. He's talking about music, but I want to jam with some other girls. Get my mind off of her. I know that the migranes and headaches are from her, and that she really is being selfish most of the time, and she's not really my "type," if there is a type for anyone. But I find myself unable to stop thinking about her. I met another girl the other day who has more incommon with me than anyone I've ever met. She's beautiful and got into UT. That means brains and beauty. She's just coming off of a break up from her long time boyfriend through high school as well. My main hesitation about persuing her is that I don't want either of us to mentaly, or physically, get involved just because we think we need someone at the moment. Besides, I think she's too active for me. she's the social director of her sorority. Another thing that's been stressing me out is the fact that my cholesterol is 253, and my LDL (the bad kind) is 183, higher than most people's total. The doctor told me I needed to get on medication as sooon as possible and gave me sample packages that should last me atleast a month to be sure I had time to get my perscription filled. My first thought was to get a second opinion about the medication, but I feel confident that any doctor would tell me the same thing. I would tell someone the same thing and I don't have a degree. But I can't convince my self to take it. No studies have been done to document the sideeffects of the medication on someone as young as my self. When I asked the Doctor about them, she said that I should just take half the recomended dosage and I should be okay. I decided against the medication and I've drastically changed my eating habbits, althought I didn't think they were that bad to begin with. I've never been out of shape persay, but I can tell my body's getting back into shape. I used to be very fit, but after quitting high school sports my junior year, I began to slack off. And I found the girl that I just recently broke up with, so doing workout stuff didn't compare to her. I think I'm going to start running soon. I'm lifing now more then I get my cardio up, and while it's helping my muscles get back to looking right, I don't think it's giving me the help that I need. We, the people in my apartment, have decided, because of me, to each by their own groceries. I was tired of paying for all the stuff they eat when I wouldn't have any of it. I was buying all my stuff extra anyway, and they still wanted me to pay 25 bucks a aweek for "community food" looks like my time is up. Adios | high | high | low | low | low |
Usually when you know that you have to do something, you usually think about that something, you usually think about that something and wonder, "How am I going to do it? Where do I start? Where do I finish? How do I know that I am doing it right?" This is my situation exactly with this writing assignment. Its the middle of the week and the weekend is almost here. I can't wait till Saturday because I will attend the first UT football game this season, which I might add, will be my first time to attend one. The weeks go by so slow in the fall semester compared to when I was up here for summer school. Its a real drag. I'm always so tired I hate it. Labor day is this weekend, really looking forward to the four day weekend and getting some time to rest. Maybe I'll go visit Brett (an El Paso friend) at the hidious A & M, College Station, the drive is a drag though. The road trip that me and Lianne went on last weekend to go visit up there was sort of fun, but people down there are really rude and it just bugs the hell out of me. All they're concerned about is putting UT down or "TU" as they call us since we're not "THE" University of Texas but "A" Texas University! Isn't it stupid. Still admit I'm upset about them breaking the horns of my longhorn emblem on my car. Its sad how immaturity can get the best of people. They do have a lot of school spirit. Makes me wish that I was into that stuff. Who knows, maybe when all the football games start. I want to see how crazy us Longhorns really get. I can't wait till softball games start, I want to see all their home games to see what it takes to be on the team!! Hopefully next year, after a lot of hard work and practice to get back into it, I will be ready to try out. I'm really discouraged about trying out this year, I know I'm not ready. My family's encouragement helps but I don't want to make a fool out of myself. I can just imagine being out on the field suited out in a UT uniform. How amazing. That is my goal!! If I can be one of the best players in my city, why wouldn't I have a shot on the team. I just think that I lack a lot of skill to be playing at the university level. It may be outstanding for high school, but college ball is a totally different game. I love being away from home to go to school, there is so much more freedom. Don't have to be home at a certain time, don't have to check in. I love it. There are a lot more responsibilities though, but I'm picking up on the time management. The Incubus concert is coming up and I'm (since yesterday) going. I've only heard a few songs by them so I can't say that I'm an "all out" fan of theirs. But hey I'm open to the experience, it's going to be my first real concert. I should really save my money, but hey, why not just do it. Its worth the experience. | low | high | low | high | high |
So. I am overwhelmed. I wouldn't say that I'm completely overwhelmed and feel like crying, but I feel a little stressed out. I am not used to all this studying and it's proving to be a little harder than I thought. So much reading. It seems like it will never end. I feel like I will never be caught up. I have to read so many pages for all of my classes except math. I was worried about math but so far, it's my easiest class. Well, I guess it's good that it's not hard too. My classes aren't really difficult but there is just so much reading. I'm scared about the first test that I will take. I'm afraid that I'm going to make a really bad grade and maybe even fail it. I would be devestated. So, I'm trying to study a lot. It feels like I am studying a lot but I guess I won't know if it's all sufficient until that first test. Man, this is going pretty slow. It's only been three and a half minutes. Only 17 more to go. Well, this is the easiest writings that I've had to do so far. Just write exactly what is going through my head. Can't be that hard. Me and my roommate had our first disagreement last night. I promised her that I wouldn't smoke a cigarette at this party and then she caught me taking a drag. I felt really bad about lying to her. Yeah, I was drunk but it was still wrong. So, this morning I told her that I was really sorry and blah blah blah. She said that it was cool and everything but I don't want it to change our friendship. I still want her to be able to trust me. I know that it's just a stupid little fight but it really scares me that she might never trust me like she used to. I guess that it will all work out for the best. I love Austin so much. It's an awesome place to be. There are so many good places to eat and shop and just look at. My home town only has about 1000 people in it. So Austin is a good change for me. But I do miss my parents and my bed and my shower. Man, these beds in Jester suck. I wake up and I'm sore. So, I hurt my ankle pretty bad about a week ago. We're suing the 7-11 that I tripped at because they handled the situation really badly and treated me very rudly. My roommate, Dana, was awesome throughout it all. I really couldn't have done it without her. I'm glad that we don't hate eachother. But I hope that I get some money from the 7-11. It would be nice to be able to pay for an apartment next year with out having to get my parents to pay for it. They have 3 kids in college at the same time so it's going to be a tough year for them, financially. Dana treats guys really weird. I would say, wrong, but it's just different than I treat guys. She's so wishy washy and is like cheating on all of her boyfriends. It kind of bothers me but if that's the way she is, I can't try and change her or preach to her about how I think she should be acting. Man, if my other papers were this easy to write, I would have so much more time on my hands. I'm only taking 12 hours, so I feel like a slacker. The thing is that if I were taking any more, I think I might cry a lot more. When will the reading ever end?!?!?! Only 8 more minutes to go. Wow, this is easy. Our dorm room used to be freezing cold but I taped some paper over the vent which made it a lot better. It's pretty ghetto looking, but it works. I haven't been able to exercise for a long time. I have to wait until my ankle is better. I can't even wear tennis shoes yet! Man, I feel so lazy and fat when I don't work out. Exercising makes me feel good! Damn that 7-11! And I bought a Texercise pass too! I'm losing some money there. I have handicap parking but it runs out on Wednesday. It's been really handy! Bont, that's a word that my ex-boyfriend made up when he was in 7th grade. I've tought it to a lot of people here and everybody loves to say it. It makes me so happy when I hear my new UT friends say it because it reminds me of the good things about home. And it reminds me of Matt too. So, I love to hear a good ole' bont every once in a while. The girls next door are really loud sometimes and I don't think that they like me. They've been really bitchy so far and that bums me out because I like to get along with everybody. There is this guy a few doors down from me and he's really cool. We like the same music and movies and all that good stuff. He's kind of crazy though. But I like crazy sometimes. Aren't we all a little crazy? But he's not that attractive, he's kind of a big guy. But, I've seen pictures of him when he was in high school and he was really cute. It bothers me that this bothers me. I'm not the type of person who judges others, especially by the way they look. It's not even like I'm judging him. I just think that we get along really well but I would probably never date him and it bothers me to think that I'm that vain. But I'm really just rambling and none of this makes sense very much. I know how I'm feeling, but when I try to write it, it doesn't come out right. Oh well. At least I know what I feel. Or at least, I think I know. | high | high | high | high | high |
I hate walking all over the place at this school. My calves are going to double in size and they already don't fit into boots When I jumped horses I had to buy custom made boots so that my calves could fit into them. My mom has big calves too. Maybe it runs in the family. I don't really now anything else about calves. Weird thing to talk about probably, but mine really hurt right now beacuse of all the walking. It seems like everyplace I have to go is all the way across c ampus. Oh well. walking will probably be good for me. Maybe with all the walking I could loose some weight and make my ex-boyfriend wish that he didn't break up with me. Maybe I'll dye my hair red too. He'd like that. Ha Ha Ha. I think my hair would look good red. I think I should dye it but I hear a lot of people say don't do it. I think I should. Sonce I'm so pale I would like to have some depth. I feel like my blonde hair washes me out. I feel like I'm Hemmingway. Short choppy sentences merely stating what's going on around him. His short choppy sentences had deep meaning though. I wonder if my sentences have any deep meaning. Probably not since I have been talking about calves and hair. So it goes. I think about a lot of things. Sometimes I think so much that I can't fall asleep at night. When that happens I spray some stuff that smell like lavender on my pillows and fall right asleep. Lavender smells so good. I also like that color. It might be my favorite. I don't know because I like really deep eggplant. Yeah. Eggplant it pretty, not a very good looking vegetalbe however. Good color bad vegetable. They don't taste very good either. I don't like many vegetables. I like good that makes you fat. It just tastes better. My mom always yells at me when I eat fatting food. Sometimes when I just eat I get look. I miss my mom. I miss my car. I wish I could go get in my car and blare the stereo and smoke. That would be great. It really gets all the stress out. I love doing that. I miss my car. I also miss my cats, my friends, my ex. When I see happy couples I want to throw rocks at them. I don't but it frustrates me when I see how happy I used to be with another person, but in someone else. Then I start to think of him and I get sad. Oh good this is almost over this was harder than I thought. Trying to type really slows down your thinking. But perhaps I am just a slow typer. I probably should have learned how to properly type when I was a kid. I just didn't think it was important then. They should have a service like maids who come to your house and type stuff for you. Another thing I wish I would have done is learn to play an instrament. There is something so refined about a woman who can play an instrament. There is also something very attractive about a guy who can play something, guitar, piano and whatnot. Very cool. Maybe beacuse they seem more sensative. That is very important. Oh good 30 seconds Yeah!! I have so much more to do tonight. | high | low | high | high | low |
I went to church tonight. It makes me feel very calm and relaxed. It puts the world into such a different perspective. Everything seems so simple. It makes me want to be a much better person. The television is on. I think it's on MTV. I'm not watching it though. That's annoying song on that commercial. I don't want to go back to school on Tuesday. I have a lot of work to do including reading for this class. I can't wait till Friday. I get to go home, and my boyfriend is coming in town. I hate commercials. I don't like eating college food. I really miss not having to worry about going out and getting something to eat. My roommate went home for the weekend. It's weird being here alone. I have been going to sleep late this weekend. I turned off the TV. I went to the football game last night. It was fun. There was a lot of drunk people there though who snuck in alcohol. It makes me almost think that they should just sell beer at the games so people wouldn't sneak it in. It's very quiet. I want to join clubs here. I really want to volunteer at like a pregnancy help center. I want to make a difference that way. I'm really hungry so I am eating burnt popcorn. I will prob. make some more after I finish this. I don't know what the point of this is. I think it's a cool assignment, but I wonder what it is going to show about the way I think. I want my boyfriend to call. I miss him a lot. I saw my friends today. I bought sandals with a little brasilian flag on them. They are really cute. My boyfriend is from Brasil. It just occurred to me that I'm not sure if you spell that county with a s or a z. I'm a horrible speller. The tower was so pretty last night. I think it is my favorite part of campus. I look at it everyday, and it reminds me that anything can be accomplished if you put your mind to it. I love it. I like how you can see the capitol building too at the same spot by the tower. They're just really cool. I think I hear one of my suite mates. She went to visit her boyfriend in San Marcus. I wish my boyfriend was closer. It's hard having him so far away. I know everything will work out though because I love him so very much. Wow. I can't wait till Friday. It was really cool visiting him in Michigan. My dad's birthday is coming up on the 26th. That is also Luis and I's 5 month anniversary. Wow. that's a long time. I want to marry him. That may sound weird. too soon or whatever. But it's true. I never thought I would find someone so amazing. He told me that he wants to marry me someday. I wish that I could fastfoward college sometimes so we could be together again. I went to this meeting on studying abroad on Friday. It was pretty boring. It was interesting how many countries you can go to. I want to do that one day. That would be fun to experience another culture. I mean I've been to Europe before but only for a couple of weeks. Not long enough to learn about it in-depth. I have noticed how dead it is on campus on the weekends. It's kind of sad. Especially this weekend. I'm surprised how many people left. I love the picture of my baby next to my printer. He's so adorable. He makes me feel so special. I'm thirsty. Why isn't my boyfriend calling me? I love the sound of his voice. I forgot that I wanted to call my mom today. I wanted to tell her about the game and find out about Bridgette. I hope she is alright. The priest at church prayed for the people in Florida. I'm happy that Carmen goes to church now. My friend once told me that she didn't believe in God. I hope she does now. I almost started crying in church because I was so happy. I like when my boyfriend goes to church with me. He's such a better person now that he's going out with me. It's amazing how much he's changed. He stopped drinking. Not that he won't have a sip every once in a while, but before he would drink every weekend. He wouldn't get drunk but still he would drink a lot. I want to talk to my friend ben. He's at LSU. Wow. 20 minutes is a long time. I can't believe I'm still writing. It's getting pretty boring. I don't know what else to think about. I miss my nephews they are so cute. I don't see how anyone could ever have an abortion. That's so incredibly sad. I hope I can help put an end to abortions one day. It makes me sick just thinking about it. I really don't like analynn. Goodness she is very mean and fat. I'm glad that I never have to see her. | low | high | low | high | low |
I need to get out more. I work all the time and go to school, and leaves so little time forme. Both of my parents a sick and living at home was kind of already planed. It makes you a stronger person to get stuck doing the stuff I do, but I wonder what it would be like to be normal. What it would be like to be selfish or not even selfish,but to not have so many people relie on me. I want to meet boys and just hang out, but I'm so shy. I think I look ok, but is ok enough? I'm 22 years old and one guy has approched me with saying something to make me mad. A lot of my frinds insted of being happy for me are so negative. We are no dating, I've never been on a date, so should be single for ever. I miss steven, but should I he's been sent overseas probably to fight. I only knew him for a few days and then he got his orders to leave. He gave me his phone number, but I can't call him. | high | high | low | high | low |
Well, this is interesting. Let's see. right now, I feel like I'm not even doing homework, really. Sarika, Mary and Natasha are quizzing each other on medical terminology, which seems so much more. studious than what I'm doing. But I don't mind. Let's see. my hands have been smelling kind of funny. Like rust, almost. But I haven't touched anything rusty. Except, I did clean the shower today, and maybe the combination of ammonia and old residue causes such a smell, even when you're using gloves. Other than that, I don't really smell anything. God, my stomach is rumbling like crazy now. I really want to eat. I'm so mad at myself, if I had just gone to that Freshman Business meeting, I would be eating free pizza now. But no, I have to be a "conformist" and go when all my other friends are going. Now I have to pay for my food. And even now, I'll probably end up waiting until the other three girls in the room are done studying. Why am I such a follower? I hope I gain some leadership qualities through my college experience. I wonder why the microfridge makes that noise, that constant hum. Did you know, something's wrong with the microfridge in my room. We had it set at level 5, and we open the door, and find that our water bottles have ice in them rather than water, and there are pearly crystals in our milk. Man, that was weird. I lowered the temperature a little, hopefully that helps. The strange thing is, our suitemates had their microfridge set at a little past level 5, and their food is fine. Aren't all the microfridges supposed to be the same? Fridge discrimination. Anyway. what else is there to say? My eyes feel sleepy. Not in the heavy sense though, where you feel as though you couldn't keep your lids up if your life depended on it. No, not that kind of sleepy. It's the kind where your eyes slightly burn when you close them, and you have mild sinus symptoms. Or perhaps this feeling is due more to an oncoming sinus attack rather than my sleepiness. Either way, I should be sleepy, I did a lot of work today. I'm so proud of my productivity today. After calculus, I went straight to the library, printed out my UBC application, then went straight to one of the desks and did my Psychology homework. That's right, two and a half hours of reading and taking notes. I even drew a rudimentary picture of a neuron. Whoa. Sometimes I think I work too hard. I mean, did I really have to write down all the processes of the neurons? Ultimately, I probably won't need half the stuff I've taken note of. Luckily, I actually kind of enjoy psychology, so I don't mind taking the notes. Man, I need to spit out this gum. It's like I'm chewing rubber or something. And my jaw hurts from all the exercise it's gotten. I think I've had this gum in my mouth for about two hours, if not more. Man, I have to laugh at the way these girls are studying. They're thinking of ways to remember all the terminology. Here's the funniest one: "penia" means abnormal reduction. So, what does my gutter-mind think of? Hahaha. I can't help it, I'm still immature. Hopefully my professors don't get wind of it. But you must admit, that's a good way to remember "penia", isn't it? I'm not even in medical terminology, and I will always remember that term. Oh God, my eyes are starting to feel a little heavy now, in addition to the burning. Why do I get so tired here? True, I can probably sleep at any time, but I've noticed my desire to get to my bed as increased dramatically ever since I started school at UT. Maybe it's the so-called stress we just discussed in class today. I was feeling pretty fit last week, maybe now I will get sick during Labor Day weekend. Let's see. six more minutes. Sorry, but I am counting down. Who knew twenty minutes was so interminably long? I like using big words, it makes me feel so intelligent. I know that's immature to think, but I really am just a child inside, filled with all the normal childish feelings of wonder and happiness and petty jealousy. Yes, petty jealousy. Like my jealousy toward all the pretty girls on campus, many of whom are my friends, which makes me feel all the worse, because aren't you supposed to not have bad feelings about your friends? But I suppose that wouldn't be human. But guilt is a totally human feeling as well, so I will continue feeling that. Sometimes I wish I was my puppy, Ginger, with my biggest worry being that I'll see my own reflection on a window. Did you know that dogs sleep about 18 hours every day? I would kill for such a luxury. Even when I'm retired, I doubt I'll receive such a luxury. I can feel the keys of the laptop getting warm. Or perhaps they were already warm. who knows. I definitely don't. Sorry, but seeing as how I only have about two minutes left, what will follow will probably be nonsensical gibberish that I'm typing for the sole purpose of taking up time. I need to go to sleep. But no, it's only six in the evening. Six! It's like time moves at a slow-warped speed here. Isn't it supposed to be bedtime? I want to sleep. I want to sleep. I want to sleep. and dream. I wish I could remember my dreams better, or that someone could analyze my dreams. Or maybe I don't want that. Who knows what would turn up. | low | high | high | high | low |
Good Morning. Eventhough it's 12:30pm that is still morning in college hours. They say you need a minimum of 8hours at my age, but I feel ten is a little more at par. I'm trying to wake up so the music of the late Elliott Smith, a quiet honest indie-rock musician but my roommates won't turn down the overwhleming bass of whatever it is they're listening to. It's kind of frusterating but after it's all dried up, I don't think I could have got better roommates. I love sitting at my laptop when I wake up like this with the curtains open letting the austin sun flood in like a warm bath. Our apartment is a hellhole after weekends of careless partying. It's absurd really. So monday night I found out from some of my friends in College Station that my girlfriend, or x-girlfriend, has already been cheating on me there. Damn Aggies. can't live with them, can't kill them. It's a cruel world. But I'll be better off without her I think. I talk to my brother about the experience, the unforgettable feeling of a broken heart. Where everythought of the person, especially with someone else, makes you want to vomit. But you still want to kiss them, even though they just kissed you with a boot to the face. But I suppose it's like Morgan Freeman says in the movie Seven, "love costs, it takes effort. " That's true. Back to my brother, he has been through this experience more times than anyone person deserves. He told me the trick is to realize that you are better off, in most cases. For instance Alyssa, my x, was beautiful no doubt. God she was gorgeous, which always made me wonder what she saw in a low-down dead-beat like your author. But she has no conscious knowledge of art. Ignorance isn't the problem, she just doesn't care about things beyond looks, impression and money. And well obviously she doesn't know what "love" really is. But then again maybe I don't either. But I know I loved her, I believed her lies. I bought the false love she was selling for cheap. I still love her I suppose, I can't deny it. But she loved herself, before she loved me. And now I have to do the same. I have to be strong and let time heal all. Another thing my brother said was how she didn't have that one thing. Like I was talking about her lack of care for art, and the beautiful small idiosyncracies of life. She had beauty, she had the ability to kill me with her eyes and her smile, but she lacked that one thing. And I quote Ben Harper, "So many people to love in my life, why do I worry about one?" I know there are better people out there so. And I have to be the nicest cheated on boyfriend ever. I honestly felt bad after I chewed her out and she was crying. Try and figure that one out. I suppose I'm just the nice guy that they say finishes last. But I don't believe that saying. Nice guys don't finish last, they just get shit on until they get the best in the end. I believe that if you hold out, if you stand true to yourself while still remain vulnerable to the love others have to offer, you will find them. I'm glad I don't have class today, makes it much easier to relax, despite the fact how much I enjoy college compared to high school. High school, what a joke. You are not pushed, you are not inspired. In high school, you are simply encouraged to be another sheep in the herd. To conform and be normal. I always saw high school as a factory for the confused and dilusionary youth of our country. But then again I am just one person. So I try to go out there, find small things to make me happy, if only temporarily to just get by. I guess that's my motive for life, for living happily and in peace. I try to never get out a high horse of beliefs or opinions. I think sometimes it's good to be apathetic and passive, and other times it is not. For instance, your friend wants to smoke a cigarette in your car. Just relax and roll down the windows and cruise. But if your friend refuses to vote when he is done with that cigarette, that is unacceptable. It's sad when people don't care important issues. I guess I just think too many people care too much about insignifigant issues, when the yard needs to be mowed or who won american idol, and too little about the major issues, war, politics, etc. I think life is a crazy thing. A conitinuous expanse of consciousness and action. I think that maybe one day, I'll have all the answer, and then I will die. Maybe one day I will find a love that is true. Maybe. Maybe I think too much. | high | low | low | low | low |
I am sitting in my room. There is tile being laid in the bathroom next to me. The sound of musics floats in from the next room. Paint smells intoxicate me. I feel slightly light headed as I have for the past several days in my apartment. The sound of the modem next to the computer begins to hum as if it is heating up. My mama walks in the room and looks annoyed as the desk she trying to put together is not working according to her plan. I wonder whey she looks so upset about it. The air conditioner begins to run. I have a book for my government class lying open on the floor. Who would have known that there would be that much reading for one class. I cannot tell if I want to finish reading it or try and take notes from class for it to make sense. The phone rings next to me. I don't pick it up because I am worried I have waited too long to finish this assignment and I won't get full credit. I fell asleep reading earlier this afternoon and just woke up. Funny how the time just slips away like that. You are payiong attention to everything around you one minute and the next it is gone. You wake up and can't remember when you fell asleep the time before right now. My nose starts to itch which is funny,because it isn't even dusty in my apartment right now. The green wall of my bedroom is making the setting sunlight a strange color on my feet. They look a weird yellow color as if they are becoming infected with something. It makes my sheets look pretty though. The mixture of green, yellow, and purple reminds me of a rainbow. Everything is starting to fade. My mind and eyes start to slow down. Everyone around me is moving too fast for my taste. I want it to slow down. Everything should be slower these days. I like it when it is lazy like on Sundays. I watch TV until I feel like eating something. I can smell my mama start to cook dinner. She always makes such good food for me. I smell cheese melting on something. I think it might be broccoli. But you can't smell brocolli. I keep spelling that differently. I wonder how it is supposed to be spelled. How funny. Things like that when they happen. LIke when you can't remember how to spell and or something easy like that. I realized I haven't typed for the whole 20 minutes right now, but I have to have it in by five. I think I will try to do it again in a minute. I hope this isn't too bad. | low | high | high | high | low |
I guess I will talk about the guy I was dating before I came here, since I just got off the phone with him before I got on the computer to complete this assignment. After dating him for two months I realized relationships differ greatly from person to person. There are no straight rules to follow. Everyone makes up there own rules when they date someone by what is right for them. At first I was so confused by this guy because he did not call me on a regular bases or he didn't schedule dates like other guys did. After just talking to him now has made me realized he didn't do this to be a jerk but it is who he is, because he only called me when he had something to say to me. Right now he is dating another girl but he doesn't call her and she doesn't call him. I think that is weird. I guess I will have to learn that relationships will give me experience to meet all sorts of people and how to deal with them. I still talk to this guy everyday and we are friends but I am getting to know him better than when we dated because now we are forced to rely solely on talking and no physical contact. I had lunch with this guy earlier who trying to make the long distace relationship thing work. I was thinking I could never do that. I think it would be hard to trust someone that much or not have physical contact. Because I believe that seeing someone and spending time with them is a big part of a relationship, so that is why the guy and I are not together. I thinkI'm still new to the dating thing because I don't understand it. I try not to play games, but sometimes its hard not to if the other person is. I have mostly dated older people. My first real boyfriend was seven years older than I. That relationship was not a good idea he was at a different point in his life than I was. His majurity level was that of an eighteen year old boy, that was why it lasted as long as it did. I think sometimes people stick together because they fear that there won't be somebody else in the future to fill that person's spot. After breaking up with him I felt I needed a boyfriend and I even felt a little lonely. Now I am fine and mostly dated for fun I guess you could say but my parents thought it was stupid. I gained a lot of experience this summer and have learned what characteristics of others I find attractive or of high standing and what I don't want my future husband to have one day. Not to say I am definitly marrying someone but I hope I will find that right someone. For right now though I am going to stick to being a loner because being so close to someone can be distracting and my purpose here is to stay focused on school becuase before I ever get married I want to have finished school for my own personal goal. You can't always rely on others in life so if I get a good education I can get a good job to support myself. This has made me realize that when you do something do it for yourself and not for anyone else and don't stop what you are doing just for someone else. Because that someone else might not always be there. This has led me to conclude that you shouldn't care what others think because if it makes you happy than go for it as long as it doesn't harm anyone else. I hope I fulfilled the assignment by writing aobut what I was thinking about. I feel confused by relationships and I guess I should be and I am assuming that everyone else is confused by them as well. I just hope everything will work in the long run and so I'll try not to worry about because I used to worry about things to much that I would stress my self out. | low | high | high | high | high |
It seems like everyone has gone home for Labor Day weekend. Lunch was really uncrowded but the food was good. We had grilled chicken and mashed potatoes. I really don't normally like mashed potatoes but I always just get them anyway. A couple people started playing Coldplay on the piano which was obviously in the wrong key. Procrastination is the worst thing to do when writing a paper for a class. The more you think about it, the more unflowing the paper will be. This dorm room must have thin walls because we can hear everyone thing that is said around us. At night, we can hear all the people coming and going through the main entrance. They tend to yell and be extremely loud. Our room is due to be cleaned tomorrow. It would have been done today, but all of the workers for the dorm have the day off. There are so many more months before the semester is over! I'm sure it will go quickly though. Twenty minutes seems like a long time right now. I still have to go to Wal-Mart today because we're completely out of snacks in the room. I'm also out of pepsi which is a must for me. Our cafeteria only serves tea, water, coffee, and punch. I've been watching way too much of "The Real World" in the past two days. They've been playing reruns nonstop since like Wednesday. This week is going to be a lot less stressful than last week because Monday and Wednesday are my busy days. I want to get out of the city next weekend. Maybe I'll go visit some friends at Texas State or go to the lake. I haven't been swimming in really long time. I remember swimming in my neighbors pool as a kid more than I remember swimming in my own pool. Maybe because it was more exciting since my family didn't have one at the time. Our dog would always run around the pool and bark at every splash we would make. The trees in our backyard would always have bees buzzing around it but I never once got stung. The lotion sitting on my desk is about to fall over but that's ok because nothing can spill out. Well maybe twenty minutes isn't a long time because I'm over half way done. The game on Saturday was really fun. Once the sun went down it was much more enjoyable. UNT didn't do very well. I almost went there instead of UT just because its close to home and my sisters went there. On the other hand, it was maybe a little too close to home. I don't know why I bought a thesaurus and dictionary for college when I have a computer sitting right in front of me. Its about twice as fast to look up a word on google than it is to look it up in a book. I hear a lawnmower outside. I feel sorry for whoever has to do gardening on Labor Day. My neck is starting to hurt from staring at the computer screen for so long. I should trim my fingernails. They keep getting in the way while I'm typing. I haven't seem a movie since I came to Austin. I don't even know where a movie theater is around here. Better yet, I don't know what is playing right now. I haven't seen any previews either. Someone must be sick because I keep hearing coughing coming from the hallway. People go out way too much. I can't go out on a school night without feeling badly. I always want to wait for the weekend. I'm sure that will change shortly though. This has been a very long weekend. I think I'm actually ready for school to start again tomorrow. | high | low | low | low | high |
well I guess it'll be good to get this out of the way. Let's see what's on my mind. ok I think I need to turn off the TV and maybe turn on a little music. this seems like it could get boring. hmm. maybe that's a bad sign that I think my thoughts are goig to be boring. anyway, all right, the tv's off and now the musics on. much better. well I'm officially pledging phi delt tonight. I'm going to be assigned my big brother at the meeting this evening and I'm pretty excited. I think this is going to be a lot of fun. john's pledging with me and I guess we're going to get to be pretty good friends. this is kind of nice. this is a good way to clear my thoughts up. I've heard before that writing out everything makes you slow your thoughts to the pace of writing and it's an effective way to clear your head. what kind of phrase is that. clear your head? that's a weird thing when you actually think about it. ok I can't talk about one thing for very long. wow this time is going pretty fast. it doesn't seem like I've been writing long at all and I'm a quarter of the way done. ok well let's accomplish something productive here. what do I need to do today? I need to get khakis and a white shirt for tonight. hmm I wonder what I should do about shoes. I didn't bring my dress shoes I don't think. that's one bad thing about being 8 hours from home. when I remember something that I forgot to bring, or didn't think I would need, there's not much I can do about it. ok what else do I need to do today. its labor day. I like not having class. umm ok think, I need to study chapter 5 in biology. really I need to review all of the chapters that's got to be my biggest priority today. and I need to finish reading my psych chapters and philosophy stuff. I feel like I always have something to do. it was this way in high school too though so I guess its not that bad. there's a guy pledging with me that reminds of somebody famous but I can't place it. I don't think I've ever heard this song but I know the band. that's not saying much for the band. or maybe it is. either they have a unique sound or all of their songs sound too much alike. I don't know which it is in this case. maybe a little of both. ok the time is not going as quickly as I thought it was. do I have anything else to do today? clothes, read, umm I've talked to my mom today about everything I think I needed to tell her. I paid my stupid parking ticket. there's 40 bucks wasted on me stupidity. I thought about appealing it but they called out my exact reason for the appeal on "reasons not to appeal your ticket" apparently just being a dumbass isn't a valid reason. I love this song. barenaked ladies are a good band. I want to see them in concert again. oh concert. I can't wait for the acl festival coming up. and next weekend I'm going to mexico with the phi delts. oh this is going to be a lot of fun. I'm excited for so many things this semester. I just need to make sure I keep my grades up and everything. I'm sure I will. I don't forsee myself slacking off at all. if I want to get into medical school I need to have the best grades possible. but then I don't know if I really want to go to medical school. I need to talk to an advisor about this stuff. hopefully I can get into my fig advisor tomorrow and see what he has to say. I can't decide if I want to major in neurobiology or switch to liberal arts and look into psychology. I think this is a really interesting field but at the same time I feel like its uhhh I lost my train of thought. lets see. I feel like its umm something that too many people do. its over done as a major I guess I don't really know what word to use to describe it. woo! one minute remaining. umm so yeah psychology is really interesting. I'm actually not dreading reading the rest of the chapters. in fact I'm kind of looking forward to it. ok well the times up I guess I'll quit now. that was fun. | low | high | high | low | low |
so this is the first entry, and it happens to fall on a day when things are really. Shitty. I don't know if I have the desire to join the rowing team, though I've already told everyone that I was going to; my internet connection was messing with my earlier, a reason to cry in itself; my relationship with a boy I don't know enough about. Lets start with that. I've been dating him for about a year and a half, and I don't know who he is. will he cheat on me? is my relationship anything to be worried about? if a stranger looked into our lives, would he giggle, surprised at the immaturity of our relationship? is it anything to try to save? I hope so, if not I'm a fool. but I think I'm one anyway. but paul henry, he knows his shit, it seems. or its that he knows that he doesn't know his shit. I wish I knew. I wish I knew him as well. though his devotion is something that would automatically clash with me. I have nothing against christians or their beliefs. I wish I could give myself up to that with no regrets. But I can't. I've been down that road, and its lead nowhere. have I spoiled my chances with a true love by being with brian? will I ever be content in my own two damn shoes? will I ever feel like I'm at home? will I be successful? would I be happy without success? it seems like the lives people live are all too perfect, even the less desireable, that there's some author out there, other than someones god, writing the stories of our lives. but he forgot me? why am I not going anywhere, why can't I find this happiness and joy. my life is pathetic at this point. maybe its just this horrible attitude, but the only time I feel like I can be happy (or at least not pissed off) is with brian, laying in his bed, thinking of everything and nothing all at the same time. but how does this conflict so much with the previous statements?? it would seem that I am happy with him, but then comes the doubt and fears. I need to find myself, I say. only thing is. I don't know what that means. does anyone? its really this unattainable goal people teasing set in your minds. A state you need to obtain, but its in fact unattainable. the sad bastards who were told the same thing when they were younger are enraged that they don't know how to go about it, and they then ruin the lives of everyone after them, so they can suffer justly. I wish I were born in the old days, when you died of a flu and there wasn't such a thing as AIDS. people lived lightly, they wrote, they read, sometimes found something to revolutionize, but mostly enjoyed the simplicity of life. where did that virtue go? how has it managed to slip through the fingers of time, and where would it have gone? I wish I could sift through the ashes of our charred world, seeking only the beauty and peace that once was everywhere, but now seems like you have to search for only to get the smallest glimpse of it. how come I can't be a writer? how come I can't write? I want to study people, not medicine. why would I declare this major? if I studied other peoples lives all the time, would I have a life of my own? is true adulthood worth it? people always want what they can't get. I get what I don't want. everything always seems like it gets really good, I mean reaaaally good, right when its about to end. will college be like this? will life itself be like this? will I stop asking so many damn questions?? will he call? would I want him to? I don't want this life. anyone want to trade? I want a life of the storybooks, of unquestionable love, faith and virtue. knowledge, hope, and an impeccable body would be nice too. I want all the money in the world, I want to live in a time without money. I want to be a movie critic, I hate bad actresses with hair that doesn't fit their character. I hate living with someone other than who I love. I hate not knowing if its really the true love they talk about. I hate being inadequate, I hate second guessing everyone. I hate being critical. I hate chocolate chips. I hate gaining weight. I hate stretchy jeans that don't look good. I hate running out of time, I hate trying to fill time. I hope this class makes me realize a few things about myself, although I'm not sure why it would. Seven six five four three two one. | low | low | low | low | high |
I love my girlfriend leah. She is so awesome. I love her big butt and her hair, I love her tongue and her smile. Man oh man does she give good hand jobs. Almost as good as sex. ALMOST. there are some things I don't like about her though. She is a tiny bit chubby but it doesn't really bother me that much. She is stubborn and that at times gets on my nerves. I also worry that she is a shopaholic. and that if we do get married one day that she will spend too much of our income. I wonder what I will be doing 5 years from now. it would be so awesome to be a country music station radio dj. I think the prime time for me would have to be like at lunch time. I believe that would be best, cause then I could stay up late still and sleep in a little later. the rush hour traffic time would be awesome too. I would have fun being the dj in the morning, but I would hate the hours. I mean whoa, not my kind of lifestyle. I also wonder if being a personal trainer is going to work out. I haven't been really an active gym goer. I need to start doing that. I am trying to think of what would be a good time to go. on mondays I could go right after class at 5, same thing goes for wednesdays. on tuesdays, thursdays and fridays, I should probably go right after Spanish, because then after I am done I could go eat something, that would probably kill two birds with one stone because of the fact that I wouldn't have to eat before I go to Spanish then. I could probably focus on cardio type stuff on monday, Wednesday and friday. and then weight train on tuesday and Thursday. maybe I should do the opposite. cause then I could work my muscles more and they do say u lose weight by working out, plus on mondays and wednesdays it will be harder to do cardio at that time since it will be so crowded at that time. now about tennis. I really hope I can get to play on the real courts and not have to go to intermural courts just to practice. I should go check that out tomorrow along with all the other things I need to do. it would be cool if leah and sara came to UT next year, unfortunetly I don't see that happening when it comes to leah. I wonder how long I should wait before proposing. I think waiting til at least my junior year would be best. because then at least my parents will see that we are in a serious relationship. I mean two years is a long time to be with someone, and it was about that same time amber and jeff were together. no wait they were actually 3. 5 years I think, maybe 2. 5 when he asked and 3. 5 before marriage, I don't know, whatever it is. the only question is that when we are married what will we first do for money. I could probably go back to HEB cause I mean they don't pay that poorly. possibly even be a CCM or something so that I could bring a little extra dough in. I would try hard to at least get a job at a radio station. I wonder how long u have to work at one before they give u your own show. I should also go to the radio station tomorrow to see if I could get some kind of spot in there. even if it wasn't a show, but a technical thing. okay so when it comes to homework what should I do so that I have somewhat of a schedule. if I sleep in the mornings, or at least plan to, I don't think I should try scheduling that in. what I should probably try to do is try to be strict to making sure I get hw done first before I do anything else. because then I could go to sleep sooner too and then maybe this job wouldn't be too bad. cause that's probably my problem, the fact that I don't go to sleep early enough. I want to go to midnight rodeo this Saturday, I just wish roger creager wasn't playing there. remember to call leah tomorrow to tell her mom about staying out later. back to study. monday and wednesdays should be too bad hw wise becuase all I have is my writing class EASY, and Spanish, so getting out late on those days isn't too bad. Tuesdays and thursdays I should try to make sure I am done with hw by like 6, cause then I could go eat after I did my hw. that's a pretty good plan. only on occasions should I change that up. what I mean by that is like being invited to do stuff, never let it be online poker or TV that distracts me, that includes playing xbox. even if I think I have had a hard day so far, just think how more satisfying that resting will be once I have everything done, I mean knowing u don't have anything left to do is a nice feeling. this writing this is going by faster than I thought. I didn't know I had all this stuff on my mind. I think it would be nice to have a 6pac on my body, and some muscle. you know, it really does kind of upset me that leah doesn't want me hanging out with females alone. I find that it shouldn't matter. I mean on one hand I know her past, and I don't want to upset her on something as small as this, but on the other hand it is kind of a big deal. maybe I should talk with her again and we could go more in depth or even set up some ground rules about this. HOPEFULLY we can compromise. I am kind of tired but I really do need to study for Spanish quizzes tomorrow, and I should look over chapter 4 for this class. I wonder when the first test is, I think it is on the 20th. that's coming up pretty soon. I should look at that handbook thing I have on sample test questions on this friday. along with that I could reread philosophy and study some more Spanish, and go to a seminar for writing class. this was kind of a fun thing to do. I kind of like having a diary like this, helps me think clearly. | low | low | high | low | low |
Right now I am realli thinkingabout buying a soccerball so that I can starttraining because I really want to join a soccer team. I did not go to the gyn todayso I thing I'l go tomorrow. My CD of the soundtrack of Queen of the Damn is one of the best CD's I have ever heard. I need to get a laptop ecause everyday I have more and more homework like whatI am doing right now and my chemistry homework which I also have to do online. I do not knw why I feel so tired. I think its because I am having too much homework. I really do not like the hot weather. I prefer winter over any other season in the year only because I like the gloomy and quiet weather. I am already getting tired of writing and I think I am going to go to sleep early today so that tomrrow I can go to the Gym and still not be so tired as today so that I can do more homework. I really miss all my family. I am so used to a lot of noise and laughter since I have two brothers and two sisters. I miss playing with my baby sister who is only three years old. I want to finish this so that I can start playing my favorite game, "The king of fighters. " Oh I almost forgot I need to call my family because I told my dad I was going to call them yesterday but I didn't. I am hungry. I need to go to sleep. I realy do believe there exists other civilizations in our galaxy. I don't gethow so many people can go to church every sunday and even n otherdays of the week. I'm tired of sittinglike this. I need to get a chair or my back is going to start hurting. The lyrics from the CD "Jaguares" are so amazing. It really helps me to listen to these lyrics because they talk about different aspects of life and the mind. If I was to chance my major I would change it to Aerospace Enineering because love everything that has to do with airplanes. I think I am. | high | high | high | low | low |
Oh man I'm so hungry. I can't wait for the football game tonight, it's going to be lots of fun. Wow, I think really fast, cause I'm so thinking about 3 things at once. Hunger, football, and the giant pre-screening survey thing that I just took. Can you believe that I finished it at 2:54, only 6 minutes left before they stopped accepting them. Man talking about some pressure. Speaking of pressure, I just thought of physics, which is kind of weird since I don't have physics this year. I do have math though. I played cards last time I was in class. We played this crazy Russian game. It was really cool. We tied in the end. ^_^ Wow, ok, so now that I typed ^_^, I thought of anime and forums since I use that on forums all the time, and it's an anime face. And now I'm thinking about how I can type without looking at the keyboard. I just moved the mouse, and that reminded me of a real mouse. Man, I make a lot of typos. Of well, did you know that I learned to type too early that I lifted my hands off the keyboard so I could type faster since, I had small hands. And so in I think 10th grade I had to fix myself, and retaught myself 10 finger typing. Cause you see this "hover hands" typing caused me to look at the keyboard. The song just changed and it totaly distracted me. Speaking on Song, I met a girl named Helen Song, the first Day of Psycology and she's really cool. I like her a lot as a friend but at the same time I want to ask her out. But you know that my biggest fear (and pretty much the only one) is losing a friend. And so I have trouble asking girls out cause I'm afraid after they say no, that they don't want to be friends anymore. Why am I telling you this. Oh well, for all I know you don't read these, or you read them completely. Hehe, you know why do some people type hehe, and other haha. You told us to think about our reactions and our observations. I bet lots of people start talking about what their observing and rather than thinking, pay more attention to their random observation thoughts. I bet that produces a lot of weird data. Me, well I ask a lot of questions, and think really fast. I often find myself daydreaming. ALL THE TIME! hehe. so yeah, wow, hehe sounds like a girl to me. Not to self, refrain from saying hehe. I glanced at the clock for the first time. I wonder is that means that I'm finally bored after 8:30 minutes. But as I keep typing, huh, I thinking more about the actual act of typing. I just looked at the title, "Stream of Consciousness of Writing" but now the music changed to a good song so I'm distracted from that last thought. This song is good. It's techno. I know that I listed to it cause it matches my lifestyle, fastpassed? wow, I can't spell. So yeah, my SAT score was 580 reading and 780 math. That's just a little weighed don't you think ^_^. There it is again. I just though of the entire universe and big guns, and planets and spaceships, this is going by way faster than I can type, but trust me that I'm having a ball here. Soccer, now that I haven't played in a while, and I just started playing tennis. That was tiring, but I want to work to be the best. StarCraft, and my daydream story just came into my mind. You see in order to pass the time I come up with a story and slowly play it out in my head with extreme detail. A single day dream could take up to month to complete, as I start and stop it when neccissary. Man, I'm getting excited about football. You know I've never seen a whole football game before. I'm sweating, maybe I should go turn down the AC, neh, that's my mom's domain, and well I don't want to stop typing. What only 6 minutes left, Well I suppose that means 75% of the time has passed. I wonder why I converted this into a percentage. That's really weird you know. Talk, that's what my phone said, cause it didn't ring, huh, strange, why would I type that. I think that means I'm focussing too much on typing and not enough on other events, although I suppose it really doesn't matter does it. But as I progress I think more and more about my typing. So do you know javascript, did you create that timer, or did you 'steal' the code for it, and use it on you site. I hadn't noticed this song was annoying till now. I normally listen to music when on my computer, you know like browsing the web, or photoshoping (digital image creation). The only times I don't have it on is when I watch anime, or play a game. Speaking of anime, I just finished watching wow ok like 5 titles flashed through my head. Hellsing, that was the last one I watched. You know I like anime much better than TV cause they can create a long drawn out plot which is infinitly better than a single 30 minute plot. It's like watching a book rather than reading one. Reading, the last thing I read was a StarCraft book, yeah it came from the game. That's sad I know, but I just couldn't focus on Lord of the Rings you know. I wonder how much other people type, I mean, am I a fast typer. The amount they turn in has to be due to the typing speed and not the thought speed let me tell you, cause we think incredibly fast. | high | low | high | low | low |
Well, yesterday was a good day, that is until I spoke to my boyfriend on the phone. I guess I was being overly mean to him and we got in a big argument over nothing. I was mad at him and then hung up with him, then I called to apologize and he was mad at me for being mad at him. It was just one big drama over nothing. I guess I made him extra angry because he told me he needed to sleep it off otherwise he might say things he really didn't mean. That ofcourse made me sad, because all I wanted to do was say sorry and just talk to him. He is attending college at Texas State, the big party school, and I guess I'm just scared I'm going to lose him. He's already been doing what that school is known for, boozing it up. Although I haven't been with him for long, the connection we share is the best feeling I've felt in such a long time. It makes me sad because I'm not sure if relationships like mine are meant to last. I've never heard anything good about long distance relationships, and the more I think about it, the more I worry. Maybe that's why I was being rude to him. My fears just come out in other ways. It's so strange though because I know I can see him pretty much every weekend. I'm just so confused right now. Maybe I'm just stressed. It is my first year of college and I'm expreiencing so many new things, including confusing lectures from professors. I just want everything to be okay. I want good grades. I want to have fun. And most of all I want to work things out with my boyfriend. I felt like crying when I got off the phone with him last night, but I held back because I didn't want my room mate to thing anything was wrong. When I think of my boyfriend I can only think of a future with him. I've known him a lot longer than I've actually been with him, and it's not that he's just someone to kiss and hug, he's more of a best friend to me. I know this may not last forever, and that's what makes my heart break. I'm only 18. What are the odds of he and I actually getting married, honestly? Then it makes me think why I even bother getting into relationships if they are just going to end? There really is no point. On the other hand, I need to be with this boy. Life just wouldn't be the same without him. What to do? Maybe I'll just propose to him. haha, yeah right. I just want things to be okay. I just want to be happy, and it seems he's one of the main reasons I am. Grrr, all of this stuff doesn't even make any sense. Anyhow, this writing assignment was really helpful. Got some of my feelings out, and I've never said any of this stuff to anyone. It was like a journal. I'm glad I'm taking such a cool class. | low | low | low | low | high |
Autumn will be here soon. I wake up, get myself together, look out the window at the morning roar of the bitter city. Down. Down the elivator once again, floor 13, now floor 1. I step ouside and inhale, a cold rush of life crystalizing in my lungs. This is where I realsize that everyday is but a breath. That single inhale was a day, was a life. Old postcards line my smile. I am a story, and I tear up when I thumb through my dusty file cabnet of experiences. My eyes desperately search for ideas, while I know they are all within some governing organ I possess. Heart or head, it doesn't matter. but I find it odd that my eyes do the searching. My little fan is growling at me. It's probably upset that I always leave it on. Let me turn it off really quick. Ok. Done. I heard a door shut. The people in my dorm are an infestation. I cannot STAND them. I try so hard to see the good within everyone, but how can I if they are all the same. Everyday I walk around the autumn grasping campus and I look. Look at people, the sky, the earth, the buildings. but the people. I LOOK at the people. They make me laugh! We are so strange. I see people trying to avoid the world as they bounce down the gravel paths with an iPod pumping sound into their skulls. People who try to look sexy. People who look mad at the world, and sneer at you, the person mearly trying to understand some fraction on their existance and importance. People look at me too. What is it that I possess that makes their eyes flick up for even an instance to make contact with mine. My heart races when they do that. It's kind of a love. I love them for that one milisecond. I understand them for one lapse of time. But did they look at me because I was looking toward them? Am I attractive to them? Am I mysterious? Scary? Sexy? Sometimes people LOOK at me. That's my job. I absolutely hate being in here. Trapped between machine and the cement walls around me. I cannot stand the fact that our society is ruled by technology and media. I don't watch TV, I don't keep up with any news, I listen to music and read books. entertainment is all I need on media terms. We should kill our TV's though. As one of my favorite bands says "I wish the world was flat like the old days". I have to say: Amen. We need to evolve backwards! We need to get back to the old way of life, religion, and appreciate the earth and sky, appreciate our unique existence in the universe. We need to notice our equality before we notice the differences. But, I suppose it's just wishfull thinking. | high | low | high | low | high |
I'm thinking about if I am going to get the job that I want at the PAC at the university it would suck if I didn't I am proud that the OTC called me for a job interview, they said my resume especially my volunteer work was impressive it makes me feel like I didn't waste my time during high school and this clock it makes me nervous so I can't type as fast and I keep having to go back and erase but I like pressure I thrive under it but I don't like time pressure and as for the apostrophes in words I do not like those because I am so used to using slang that I just do not type it anymore and I also hate having to capitalize my I's it makes me mad having to go back. Right now I feel a little stress because I am espcially behind on reading not on purpose but yesterday I had a meeting and I did not know it was going to last 2 hours and a half it threw me off schedule so all I could read was Biology which is another class I don't understand I never like science and getting up in the mornings at 8 does not help either I feel lost in that class it is so difficult I feel like I dumber than everyone else and this feels like a cry for help but it is not I just keep thinking about what Prof. Pennebaker said anyways that class sometimes makes me feel. Like screaming I guess but the Professor is nice he just goes so fast and everyone seems or pretends like they understand and typing on lap tops gets on my nerves because at home I had a divided keyboard the "flowy" ones and now I have this laptop and everything is squeezed together it makes me really nervous as for this assignment I like but I feel like I shouldn't say anything incriminating and there go the stupid I's and I forgort to put and apostrophe in shouldn't and the I messed me up again. Well forget it no more caps; the I's are going to be in lower case. Sometimes typing in slang gets to be a bad habit I need to get into the habit of typing properly again oh and this weekend I get to go home though I want to go to the game I have not boguht the sports package and I didn't feel like getting up really early to buy tickets some guy in my floor is selling the tickets for 50 dollars is that a lot I guess so maybe oh and my friend jeremy's a football player so I feel like I should go for him but I'm not going. Now I get to go home sit and do homework college is very stressfull maybe I'll get sick when I go home like Prof. Pennebaker said probably because I feel the migrane coming. I hate migranes I hate having to find a job hopefully I get a good one I have an interview on Tuesday I hope it goes well and that I make it on time because if not it is going to reflect poorly on my but the lady undestood. I wonder how the bus works I keep thinking of the bus stop and how the place is going to look like and of the bus bcause I have seen it once after running to the engineering building because I was late I saw the bus and I think you can only take it there which is kind of sucky but I will take a look around and see if that's how it works. Now I feel like I have run out of things to say I still have to do the experiment for this class I want to do the survey but since I am under 18 I have to get my moms signature and I feel like I should be happy about going home I mean excited to see my mom and my brother but it is like "huh" and I hope nothings happens like the bus doesn't break down or like it is "kidnapped' I know I worry too much but I don't want anything to happen even if it means that I have to do all the homework, I've been trying to check my spelling so this makes it easier on you guys, and what was I talking about I don't kno, I need to make friends me and my roommate get along but I need other friends and now I have 5 minutes left, what to write about anyways back to the making friends I saw wayne who went to my high school and seemed like a pretty smart Asian in the elevator today I feel bad for saying that but most asians are anyways the making friends the friends that I have are okay but I don't really relate to them why I don't kno I feel like they exclude me too much and they don't at least I hope they don't and if they do I don't well hope that they are doing it on purpose but still I have roughly 4 minutes left more like 3 because it is about to be 17 minutes the numbers on these computers are weird anyways well they are not really I am surprised I wrote this much I thought I was going to run out of this to say but I like this assignment when Prof. Pennebaker said it I was like yes no grammar rules I don't particularly like grammar but I try I mean I suck at it in my papers I always score low on it 2 minutes and I have mentioned my time too many times I tried not to look at the clock at the beginning and I did nto so now I keep talking about NOT because I want the assignment to be ove but because some one just slammed their door my head hurts I think it is the flourescent lighting I think that is how u spell that and I just put the letter u for the word you and I am kind of hungry and the clock is winding down and I keep typing faster kind of scared oh well you can keep typing oh my gosh I thought it was over but I am going to stop now because a I don't want to talk for too long and I have to go turn of this light and I am thinking about what I just wrote and what u guys are thinking or will think when u read it and all the noise in the background and if I should put my name at the bottom but I won't because I have the code thing. well this was productive and I did not put well in caps. | high | high | high | low | high |
Well, I have to do this weird assignment for psychology. I think its neat, but kind of weird. that spoon full peanut butter was really good. I'm going to have to have some more later. the atkins diet is a bitch . even though you can eat all the protein you want. I still crave the bun on my buger. I was so upset this morning for leaving my cell phone in my dorm room. god, I felt like such an idiot. then I went crazy looking for my roommate Sam cause we are supposed to meet at jester for lunch and I Couldn't find her and I don't have her number memorized. I don't know. I felt stupid. I feel so fat. !!!! even though I'm not overweight at all I just feel fat . I have this obsession with looking in the mirror all the time. I thinks obsessive compulsive or something. I feel like I always have to look my best or that part of my hair is out of place. I guess I always feel like I have to impress everyone. shut up Sam, god she makes the most annoying sounds I've ever heard. anyway. yeah I just always feel fat. I think I way around 123 and I'm 5"1. I just want be a little bit thinner maybe 5 or 7 pounds lighter. well, I'm trying to loose weight cause my friends from back home are coming to visit me in a couple of weeks for austin city limits, and I feel like I got to loose a few. they are awesome, but its kind of weird actually because they were my coaches in high school and we've just grown to be the best of friends. I'm only 18, and its weird cause one of them is 42 and the other is 30. I'm so excited cause I miss them a lot. I think its pretty cool that my coaches would drive 6 hours to come and visit. when I went down a couple of weeks ago back home, they took me out to South padre island and we all got wasted. I like it cause I can trust them and more importantly they can trust me. I have a little head ache right now. I wonder if it was the peanut butter. I hope not. I'm really thirsty. all I've been drinking is water cause of that diet. I just started it yesterday and I probably won't see any results till maybe in a few more days. I miss isaiah. I love him so much, but he's about 6 hours away and a senior in high school. I love him but the last time I went down I didn't feel the same love for him like I used to. maybe I'm just in love with the image of him. I guess that can happen. I've been really confused lately about a lot of things especially what kind of person I am. I wanted to come to UT because it was so liberal and they actually encouraged you to be different here and no one even judges you. well, I still don't know who I am. I know that I'm sweet, kind, and talented, but there's also the me who lies to people to benefit me and bend the truth so that I don't get into trouble. maybe everyone does that. I guess I'll never know. I 'm really glad that I have a good roommate. we are exactly alike and we get along really well. I just miss everyone from back home , but I know when pam and kristy come to visit me I'll feel a lot better cause we are all going to see sheryl crow and I m so in love with her music. I recently went to a sarah mclachlan concert on july 23 this summer. now that was probably the best experience of my life. it was awesome. their friend niguel is also coming in from nacadoches, I think that's how you spell it. I 'm really excited to meet her cause she's hilarious. I spoke to her on the phone the other night for about an hour and she is hilarious and I haven't met her in person yet, but I'm looking foward to it cause she said she likes having a good time and I'm pretty sure we are all going to have a great time together. I CAN'T WAIt!!!!1. I'm tired now. I haven't gotten any sleep since I'v been here, wow the times almost running out,, | high | low | low | low | high |
I'm already starting to feel stressed out, and I haven't had any tests yet. It's only been two weeks of school so far, and I feel like I have so much to do. I guess it's typical for for an incoming freshman, since it's new and all. I've never felt so busy in my life. Watching TV, my old passion, seems like such a waste of time to me now. If I have spare time, I could actually be checking out Austin, like the duck boat, which our RA told us about. It seems so cool!! A tour bus turning into a boat ?? It's craziness, and a little scary. We supposedly may go as a hall, which I highly doubt because we don't seem to have hall unity or whatever. I guess I had a misconception of how dorm life would be. At this point, I think getting an apartment would have been just fine, other than the fact that I'm way closer to my classes living on campus. Ok so maybe dorms aren't so bad because I don't think I want to wake up like an hour earlier for the whole public transportation fiasco. I really need to figure out the bus routes because I don't know where any of the buses going other than forty acres and far west, which I accidentally got on to during orientation. It was a great detour. Wow, 20 minutes is a long time, I just realized that. I guess I was comparing it to how long it takes me to do everything else, it seemed like nothing. So yea, back to the stressed out business. I've had something to do since the beginning of summer, since I took summer 1 at a community college, then I went to Clinton, Oklahoma to see my baby nephew and help my brother and sister-in-law out with the hotel they own there. I worked and got paid. Good stuff. A few days after I got home from Clinton, I made my way to Austin. My new home in the Kinsolving dormitory with all the other chics. And I think we all know how busy things are around here. I thought Christmas break would be relaxing and chill time, but I was mistaken. For I found out my closest cousin is getting married January 15, the weekend before classes start. This means that for Christmas break, I will be helping out with the wedding, which from experience already I know is very stressful. And my cousin has asked me to do a dance at her wedding, which is an Indian tradition for a younger girl in the family to entertain the guests with a vivid dance. So now I have to pick a song and choregraph a dance and learn it to perfection so I can perform it in front of hundreds of people. Did I mention that I am a nervous person who freaks out easily ? Oh and by the way, the wedding is in New Mexico, and the reception is in Houston a weekend later, so I have to go back home after a week of being in Austin, followed by who knows how long of being in Albuquerque, New Mexico. My home is in Lufkin, a little town of pop. 35,000 in East Texas, just two hours north of Houston, 3 hours south of Dallas, and four hours east of Austin. Man oh man, this is going to be a hectic year. And to think I thought studying for my classes was my biggest worry. Well maybe I will grow from all these things, in stead of losing my mind. I guess we'll see. Hey, that kind of relates to Psychology huh ? Maybe I can be a case study, which I read about in the textbook. | low | low | low | low | high |
When I think about what I'm thinking, a void pops up. I guess because the brain never really stops, it's hard to pinpoint an exact thought in any moment. I can recall past topics that have rambled through my mind however, so that's what I'll dicuss. A topic that's popluar in my brain is my boyfriend (surprising right?) I think about how happy I am in our relationship and how much of a good friend and boyfriend he is. He goes to college at Trinity University, which is in my hometown of San Antonio. We see eachother nearly every weekend, so it's not hard to sustain the relationship. Though, I constantly wonder if he really does care about me. He tells me that he does, and I know that he does, but I'm really insecure about that issue. My insecurity on that issue stems from my past relationship where my then boyfriend would tell me that he cared about me, but ended the relationship somewhat abruptly without any sign or signal. That's probably why I worry so much about it. However, I am really happy in my relationship. I have no complaints except for my own lack of security. On another topic, I have my first test this Thursday. I'm a little scared, but I think that I'll be fine. I pretty much know the material, but I still need to go over and over it to get it down. I don't think I'll have a problem with it. At least I hope that I do well. I feel exahsted thinking about all the studying I have to do for my upcoming tests. I have a chemistry test next week. I don't know how to do converstions without a table telling me what every measurement is. But I guess that I'm going to need to memorize that sort of stuff so I do well. It's so imperitive that I do well in college because I have plans to go to medical school after I graduate. I don't know what else I would do with my life if I didn't get into medical school. I have developed some back up plans if you will in case something should happen. I could be a teacher if medical school doesn't work out. The pay isn't that great but the job seems pretty alright. I would enjoy some sort of FBI/CIA type of work also. I need something that's going to make me constantly think. Though I hate studying, as every student does, keeping my mind on the go is something I love. I think that's why I played soccer all my life. Soccer is a game of constant thinking. There is no stopping in soccer. There are no time outs, so you can't stop to regroup. You have to be on your toes and know your stuff to be a good soccer player. I wish I was still playing soccer. I really miss it. I stopped playing after my last high school season a few months back. I feel sort of empty without it. It was such a big part of my life for so long. I think I'm going to attempt to walk on next year to the UT soccer team. It's really hard to do that though. The team is extremely competative. Though, I think after I talk to my coaches back home, maybe they can help. My main concern at the moment is doing well in school. I really need to buckle down and study. I study everyday, but I need to do it more I think. Maybe I'm just stressing about my upcoming tests. I'm scared about my chemistry test. Though, I think with the right amount memorization of some problems along with some other material, that I'll be fine. I need to start preparing for my biology test tomorrow. The test is Thursday, so I have 2 days to get in all the information. I feel tired right now. I wish I had came back to Austin earlier so I would've started on my work earlier. Well, tomorrow's another day, so I guess I'll just do a lot of studying tomorrow. There's no sense in doing it right this second when I'm not feeling to good and when I'm tired. My main priority is studying for my biology test Thursday. I need to go over the old exam she gave to us. My boyfriend just called me, but I had to tell him that I would call him back so I could finish this writing assignment. I really hope I do well on my test Thursday. If I did well, I would be so happy. That would mean that I actually liked my major and that I could retain the information pertaining to it. I want to call my boyfriend back after this, but my roommate "can't consontrait" with my talking, so I guess I'll go outside. Though, she's talked many a times with her boyfriend while I was reading. Oh well, maybe I'm a little more respectful. | high | high | high | high | high |
So, I can now finally begin this writing. I am pretty relaxed right now because I have a wonderful boyfriend. He is funny, sweet, and weird like I am. I feel like I am writing in a journal. Trying to track my thoughts is weird because I feel like I jump from one idea to the next really quickly. It is almost as if I am ADD in the mind. That sounds weird. I keep hearing this ticking from this tiny pink watch that is sitting right next to me. It surprises me how loud it ticks for being a wrist watch. Now, I can hear the television from the living room. It sounds pretty interesting. I can hear the air condition vent outside the apartment complex. The air just turned off now but the vent is as loud as can be. I like the noise of the keyboard when I type. Especially when I type fast. The clicks make me think that I am really accomplishing something. I am going to stop talking about sounds now and try to see what my mind is does. Write now I am a little tired. My brain seems a little slow right now. I feel a little overwhelmed by the school work load along with my sorority obligations and my job. I am happy thinking about my sorority. I love the girls! Everyone of them make me feel important ant that I really matter. All the girls are so fun to be around too. We all love to go out to parties and dance. Man, that car outside that just passed through was very loud. The music was rap and not very good. I do not understand sometimes why people ride around at night with really loud music and their windows down for everyone to hear. It seems kind of dumb to me that it is a week day night and there are people out there thinking they are all cool. Man this watch ticking is really bothering me. It's amazing how many things I hear when I really think about things. This means I am not talking which is a really good accomplishment for me. I love to be social and visit with everyone. I just remembered that I am missing music. Normally, when I type or do any homework I like to listen to some music. When I do math, I can listen to any kind of music I want. But if I have a paper or any readings, I can only listen to classical music. Speaking of music, I had my first T. A. session for my History of Rock class. It was really interesting. The teacher is pretty cool and nice. We get to listen to all kinds of music every class. The only thing is it seemed to me like I was learning all about how music works again like as if I was in band all over again. Man, I keep looking at the clock and just realized that my twenty minutes is almost up. I remember looking at seven minutes thinking that this was going to be a long twenty minutes. I was wrong. I am almost done and it went by so fast. My stomach doesn't feel too well. I think I ate too much marshmallows. Also, my head hurts now. Maybe I just didn't eat enough today. I only have | high | low | high | high | high |
stream of consciousness. Somewhat reminiscent of william faulkner's "A Light in August" we read that nnovel in my senior AP English class and although iit was a touch on the boring side at the beginning, it proved to be quite an interesting story. Well I'm in my dorm rightnow and there is this ceaseless squeaking noise coming from the refrigerator that always is loudest at the most inconvenient times. I. E: when I'm trying to take a nap. Our refrigerator is in the closet. It was in the middle of the room, but my roommate moved it into the closet and put our television in the middle of the room instead. My roommate's name is Ricky and he's been out of town this weekend as far as I can tell. He kind of just didn't come home on friday night so my assumption is that he's visiting his family. I think he's from Laredo, but I could be mistaken. Ricky is dating a girl named Natalie and the most distinct thing about him is his cologne. Because it smells like crap! Which sucks, because it's a really expensive Dolce and Gabbana or however you spell it. It really is terrible because it's like the stink of the cologne is like a glue and has stuck to everything in our room. Especially all my clothes, which has made me start to smell like him. Oh I hate it. I always want to say something, but it would be weird saying to him that his designer cologne smells like ass and that I could make the scent personally with some onions and curry. God! I've been kind of looking around for a church these past couple of weeks, but haven't exactly found one. Well I found one on guadalupe, but haven't looked at what the times are for mass or whatever. My dad is really pushing me to start going to church because in the last few years he's become somewhat of a Jesus freak. He's not bad, but it just seems that his faith has made him so condemning of so many things. For instance, I joined a fraternity and he wants nothing to do with it; refuses to help pay for it simply because he doesn't like fraternities. But he doesn't exactly say why. And since he's never been in one I don't see how he can make such a judgement. Oh well, my dad and I went camping this weekend. We like rock climbing so we were planning on going to a place called Reimer's Ranch. So we found a new camp site called Krause Springs and it was really nice. So we camped there with a fire and the whole 9 yards or whatever. But me and my dad shared a tent and iit was so hot in there and he snored so loud that I took the plastic rain cover off the tent and went and laid near where the fire was on the ground. It was pretty bad, but I made it through. Only got about 3 and a half hours of sleep though. ughh. Oh well, when we all woke up we went and got breakfast and headed to Reimer's and it was closed! so all that work for nothing. But we didn't give up hope and went to this other place they call the greenbelt and got set up to climb there, but only got to do one route because it started to rain. So after that our hopes were pretty much shot so my dad just brought me back to my dorm this morning around noon and I took a nap that I just woke up from about 20 minutes ago. So my weekend was pretty lackluster but it'll be ok because I know next weekend will be fun enough to make up for this one. Oh well. My mom just called me a second ago and I was like, "can I call you right back? I'm doing a project" and she's so understanding and just said "bye" really quick so after I'm done with this thingy I'll call her back. I've actually been keeping in touch with my mom pretty well since I moved here which has been nicer than I imagined it would. I expected it to be annoying talking to her too much but I was mistaken. I've also been talking to my sister via email which has been fun. She's so funny and always has something to say, but whenever I call home and she answers it's like we have nothing to say and I just ask for mom. kind of funny, but it's cool. I know it's weird, but the thing I miss the most about home is my dog. I have a full-blooded springer spaniel named Lola and she's such an awesome dog. I miss her so much, but I'm hoping that if I live in a frat house next year I can bring her along so we don't have to be apart anymore. Oh well, I guess we'll see | high | low | high | low | low |
Ok well I'm thinking about how long of a day it was, I got to school kind of late and I was almost late to my first class. I'm not really smelling anything right now because my nose is a little stuffy and runny I think it is due to my girlfriend who has been getting sick lately, we went to buy tylenol cold at the target on 35. I just spoke to here and she said that she was going to take a little nap and I told her not to because she was complaining all day that she had so much to do and there wasn't any time to do it. Well she didn't listen to me she said for me to call her at 7:15 if she hasnt called me. she went with me to psy class today even though she already took it last semester. she was very moved by the way the professor was. I think she said I wish I had him for my psy class. I told before that he was very cool like our communications teacher dr. daly who is a very cool teacher as well, his class is awesome he's so charismatic, today we had a supplemental discussion for that class and I have my girlfriends friend from back home in that class who just broke up with her boyfriend whom she had been going out with for about two years or so, and we were just talking and she was telling me how she hated our comm. class because all they talk about in that class is relationships and she feels sad every time he uses one of the students as examples, now on the topic of my girlfriends friends. By the way her name is desiree and she is beautiful and I love her a lot, I don't know when and where but someday we plan on getting married, I think we are different than most couples, I know that everybody probably says that but I really do think that we are because yes we spend a lot of time together and I hear that that is a bad thing but were different because we involve God in our relationship, not as much as we should but more than most couples I think, in the summer we read the bible every night for the last couple of weeks. But since we got up here, we haven't read it at all, I think its because were so happy with each other and we love to spend time with one another that its hard to do something else besides kissing and having sex at night. now back to her other friend named nancy. Well she is rooming with desiree's old roommate kelly, and well a few days ago kelly had a talk with nancy, she was really mad from what I hear because she took the time to underline in the contract that no one else has permission to stay for more than three consecutive nights in their apt. without some kind of notice, and well nancy has a boyfriend who is always over there and kelly gets really mad. Me and desiree were thinking that she is just jealous because her boyfriend isn't over there as much as he should be. like my roommate said that he wasn't going to talk to his ex when he came up here because she broke up with him last year when she was still in high school and he was up here. well now that she is up here too, he said that he was not going to talk to her at all, well shit that didn't last very long, just the other night he stayed at her dorm because they had to homework for the same class that they both share. Hmm. What a coincidence, I mean me and my girlfriend had a class last together too and I think that that helped out a lot because no matter if we didn't see each other every day we definetly saw each other on those days that we had class, I mean we really werent together yet but that certainly helped out our relationship a lot. my friend oj keeps calling me because he wants to go eat at the olive garden and I told him that I don't know because I running tight on money and I kind of got in trouble the other day with my mom because I went on a little shopping spree and spent a good amount of money at diesel. the part that she got mad at was the jeans that I bought for 100 dollars and that's because they were on sale. she said imagine how many shirts u could have bought with that. so I don't know if ill go but I do want to play him in NCAA 2005 college football that's like our fav game and my roommate just bought a big screen with a surround sound so its awesome to play on that I haven't even tried it I think I'm going right now to go play laterz! | low | high | low | high | low |
So. Stream of consciousness, right. Well, I'm in the computer lab right now because I didn't want to do this on my home computer which is pretty messed up at the moment. I don't feel like writing about it. It's quiet in here, and the computers are quite nice. All I hear are the tapping of keyboards. Tap tap tap. and what else? I don't nkow. I wish I was doing this in my room so I could be listening to music. The flaming lips which I'm especially into right. I recently bought zaireeka, a fusion of the words zaire and eureeka by them but haven't been able to play it yet. It's a kind of confusing record I guess is the word to talk about. But I've still got like 16 minutes so why not? It's a 4 cds played in unision concept record by the flaming lips. wayne Coyne says it's supposed to be about chaos and inspiration or something. it makes sense, trust me. but when I got people over to play it with me (you need 4 cd players and 4 people who want to help play and listen to it with you to play it) it was all chaos and no inspiration. no one really had more than passing curiosity, and when it wasn't going all that smoothly people gave up quickly. but yeah, I still want to play it, just need some people with passion? to hear it with me. what else? blah blah blah. I can't think of anything to write about. 933 934 I'm almost halfway done. some people are talking in another language across from me now. I don't nkow what language. oh, now they're leaving. I think they're indian? so what language does that mean they speak?? I just wrote a sentence and deleted it. I think maybe you're not supposed to do that? don't think it really matters. man, I think this assignment is kind of too long. ten minutes would've been enough. all these people are leaving around me. they're going outside into the sunshine. and I'm staring at this screen. I just spent a while trying to figure out how to do that prescreening stuff too. I registered but then I couldn't find a link anywhere on the site that led to the actual survey. what's up with that? I emailed wendy or whoever. got to remember to do that later now. prescreening survey. do it before sep 9 I think. that's like 1. 5 hours credit. we've hit the fifteen minute mark, friends. that makes this the homestretch. that's sports lingo. not that I know anything about sports. man, that football game yesterday was annoying. it brings out all the rowdy yelling people in the streets. and it's so CROWDED, you know? I hate it when it gets so crowded on campus, I dread going through it. so many people! why did I go to a school with fifty thousand students? I'm spelling out the numbers now, did you notice? because why rush? no reason, that's why. type tyep type. stream. of. conscious. yep, that's what I'm doing. almost done. nineteen minutes complete, one minute to go. come on, so close. I'm so close to being outside away from the flourescent li | low | low | low | low | low |
So I think this is a very cool assignment for the students to complete. It gives a very good look at what we are thinking in our heads. I probably don't realize some of the things that I think. maybe after looking at this I will be suprised or shocked or some other feeling. I smell food. I just ate but food smells so good that it makes me want more. I have this weezer song in my head. I don't like weezer yet this song gets stuck in my head. I hope it gets out fast because it is annoying. my neck feels like it is rubber and just wants to fall down, taking my head with it. that would hurt. never have I done so much reading as I have done this past week. it is annoying. I do not enjoy reading much. oh well. I guess I have to do it anyway. my window doesn't get enough light through because it faces our balcony which blocks off some of the light. the apartment is nice. I get my own room and it is very spacious. I hear a ticking sound and it is not a clock. its bugging me and I think its a result of me typing. yep. I stopped and the ticking stopped. I think it is a clock but the clock is rubbing against the wall and isn't on. how ironic maybe. interesting. it stopped. they weezer song was out of my head but it came back for an encore. ill be right back sorry. blanked out for a second. the days seem to go by very fast. the weekends go slow however. I like the weekends. this weekend should be great because I will go hoome for the labor day holiday. seeing my friends from back home alwasy makes me happy. greek mythology has too many names to remember even a quarter of them. its very a nnoying. how many times have I said annoying in my train of thought. a good nap would be nice right now. I like that painting of the melting clocks. its very surreal and somehow that makes me feel good. I wanted a poster of it but they were like ten dollars. its just not worth it to me. I am a very economical person when handling money. sometimes its good and bad. a ten dollar poster wasn't a wise choice for me though. cooking. I need to start cooking more things. sure the microwave is awesome but I need to expand my cuisine. iron chef. funny show. iron chef should fight emeril. I wonder who would win. they should put those old batman captions like bam, and wham, and pow on Emerils show when he says those things. it will give it an old school flavor. flavor is good. does water have a flavor. is the flavor water. who cares its good when you're thirsty. I just wish it had like b vitamins like powerade. because water doesn't have like those sugars and stuff. or are the b vitamins coming from the sugars. ill look into it. my mouth is dry. I oculd actually go for some water right now. my neck keeps getting my head closer and closer to the table. I wish I could fly. I just saw some birds flying. I wish I could do that. where would I go. I'd probably go to some tropical climate if my body allowed me too. that would be awesome. today is the first day of the rest of my life. that quote always struck me as very cool sounding. is hould really start using my planner to right down what I need to get done. my memory doesn't serve me quite well. I want some of the energy arizona iced tea. I haven't had any for quite some time. I'm due for some. but I guess right now all I got is water. that will have to do. potpourri is such a weird word. but smells nice so I guess they are even. I bet it is fun to read other peoples streams of thought. it must be amusing to see all the weird things people come up with without maybe realizing it much. this is one of the best writing assignments I've ever had to write because there is no structure. I am a poor writer. I should practice and get help. I probabloy won't though. ill just get by onw what I can do. it just isn't my thing. donde esta el biblioteca. I need to work on myh Spanish to. hopefully I won't have to take a Spanish class. that would piss me off. I can't stand learning that language or any language for that matter. it would take me too much time. I think tex mex will serve me just fine. bien bien bien. if my phone rings right now its going to scare the hell otta me because I'm so itno righting this. I hope that doesn't happen | high | high | low | low | low |
Hello. Good morning! I actually woke up early this morning, which really surprised me because we had a crazy night last night. Okay, I am listening to the most awesome song right now. I'm wondering if I should listen to it again. Like start it over when it's over. Or, on second thought, should I just start it over right now? Ah, who cares? Anyway I'm wondering when I should go to the cafeteria to get brunch. I had the most strange experience this morning when I got up. I walked to the kitchen to get a water from the frige and there was my suite mate with a guy asleep on the bed in the living room. Yes, we actually have a bed in the living room. I had a really sucky room mate and we weren't exactly getting along so she moved out and we used her bed as another couch. I am going to be so tired when these 20 minutes are over. Haha, my fingers are already getting tired of typing. Hold on, I'm going to start over my song. Okay, sorry. I honestly don't know exactly what it is that I am supposed to be doing in this assignment. I don't believe I ever have actually had an assignment to just type on what goes through my head. I always have a lot of crap going through my head. I am ADD positive. pretty bad actually. And it affects what I think about every day. I wonder if it will every go away. Is that even possible? I wonder if my professor even knows who I am. Doubt it. Man that sucks. I always stress about whether my teachers know who I am because I think that is awesome if you are on a first name basis. Hmm. What should I do to make him know me? Perhaps I should make a big scene in class. But I don't want all of my class mates to think I'm like a major loser. Okay now I am beginning to wonder if I should just like leave this thing going while I go get something to eat. I don't know if that would be allowed, but it is quite tempting. Man, you know what sucks? On Friday, I woke up like really freakin' sick and I missed my math class along with my chemistry class, and I missed my quiz in chemistry. Ugh! I wonder what my teacher is going to have to say about that because she like requires doctor's notes and crap for her class. Can we say IMMATURE? Oooooo, I love this song too! Twista: Celebrity Overnight. Aw! It reminds me of my ex-boyfriend. That sucks because he hasn't been too nice to me here lately. Man I could talk all day about him. Doubt the reader of this crappy paper would really enjoy that, but that is now what I am thinking about so I guess get ready. He is so cute. He is so sweet. Besides lately. He always could cheer me up, but we broke up right before I left because he is just now a senior in high school and he didn't want to date when I was living 4 hours away. I must say that is a long distance away from the person that you are dating, but I really do believe I love him. He is so the person for me, and I don't know exactly how to take that. I don't know if I should try to get over him or if I should just keep talking to him and trying to get him to come visit me. Or if I should even tell him that I love him. I am so confused! Urgh! I wish this program could talk back because I would be so happy to receive advice. I thought it was so funny when my psychology teacher. Hold on I totally forgot what I was thinking about. Anyway someone puked in my living room the other night. Yea, it really pissed me off. I wonder why they didn't just go to the freakin' bathroom! It's like. Hey I'm drunk. Oh yea I'm just going to sit here and puke all over my friend's floor and make them clean it up. Damnit, grow up! I want to take a nap so bad. I don't know what is more important, napping or eating. Perhaps I'll get something to eat and then go take a nap. It feels good to get an assignment done. I have to work on chemistry later and I'm honestly thinking I'm going to get some beer to drink before I start on it. Man, why do college people drink so much? I've never gone like a whole week drinking every single night. I feel like I'm going to like die of some liver disease. Haha, that would suck. Okay, I don't like thinking about that. I hope I make a good grade in this class. I'm kind of trying to rely on this class to help my GPA. If I can pull off a 3. 0 then I would totally kick ass. My parents are thinking I'm going to do badly. Hah, I'll show them. Drinking every night and going to class and making good grades. Damn I'm going to blow them away. Oh yea did I mention we don't have a freakin' TV in our room anymore? Yea, it sucks gathering around a freakin' laptop to watch a movie. Yes! I only have like 3 more minutes to type. Okay, now less! I wonder how long my suite mate is going to sleep today. My other suite mate apparently didn't even make it home last night. I went to bed with straight hair and woke up with really curly hair. Hmm. Wonder what happened there. I remember waltsing last night. The Australians taught me how to walts and how to do the salsa. It was awesome. until I burned my finger. I suppose that's another story. Okay, I hear someone talking. Yes! My time is almost up. I guess it just like cuts my sentence off when time is up. That sucks. I hate leaving things unfinished. I'm going to stop now because I hate I when I get cut off and I only have a few seconds. Looking foreward to class!!. . . Not really. Sorry. | high | high | high | high | low |
I am at a study hall room at the time wondering what I will think about that I am going to write. There are people behind me talking and one went Ole Miss which makes me think of a friend of mine from high school who is a freshman there now. I wonder how he is doing now along with all my other friends that is not attending UT. There are actually several people going here from my high school but I only see about half of them on a regular basis. I am a little stressed with all the things going on because I have done the thing that everyone has said not to but I think no matter what it happens to everyone. It is just the thought of all the freedom and then all of a sudden a couple weeks go by and there are quizes, tests, and papers due at the same time. I am also stressed about so many different things such as a typical college freshman is. One guy said that his fine arts was theater and dance. That made me think about when I was confused on what to take when I was signing up for classes. People ask me what this is that I am typing because they can read exactly what I am thinking. I am actually hungary with all these people talking about food. Is kind of a word? Not sure but it should be. I just found a phone on the desk but completely forgot that it was mine until I opened it up. I lost my phone a week ago so I don't have any of the numbers that I used to have, I hope this is not being graded for correct grammer because I am trying to type as fast as I think. I have already been typing for 10 minutes already and am wondering what else I am going to talk about. I also don't know what class I am going to drop, which haves to be done tomorrow. I cannot take 16 hours that I am currently signed up for so I will drop one to drop down to 13 hours. A friend of mine just called saying that he cannot make it to lunch. A guy is just now sitting beside me and he is about to start eating something. That makes me hungary again. He is reading everything I type and just corrected me on a mistake. I am running out of things to say or talk about. I am thinking now about my place and hearing some stories in the background. Most people are done with their homework and are asking me questions about this assignment, I am actually kind of comfortable right now at the computer. I don't have a computer yet at my apartment so it is really hard for me to get to an actual one to do assignments and get notes off the internet. I have yet to figure out how many notes to take from class since everything is different in college. I have a lot of stuff to do like go to WalMart, the grocery store and other places to get caught up on everything. Only a few more minutes left until I am done with this. I wonder again if this is for completion grade or even if it is going to be read. I bet the counselors read all these to see if we are all okay since majority of the class is freshman. Wow, I cannot believe that the twenty minutes is almost up. I'm going into a blank thought because of this pressure that the timer is putting on me for some reason. What else should I say? | high | low | low | low | high |
I am finally taking a break from doing my math homework. I am so excited to finally be doing nothing. I am so excited that I finally got my laundry back because now I do not have to worry about it, but I do need to do a load of some personal items. While looking around my room I see my side pretty neat and then I look at my roommate's side and it is a pig-sty. It bothers me because she has buckets overflowing everywhere, when they could easily at least be hidden under her bed. Maybe we will have a talk about that later? Who knows. But I cannot wait for this weekend because not only is it a three day weekend, but that's one more day that I don't have to go to class. I love living here at Towers but the walls are paper thin. I can hear anything and everything that my roommate/suitmate say and sometimes that's okay but when I'm trying to concentrate on something it kind of bothers me. Oh well, life could be worse. I wonder what else I have to do to prepare myself for tomorrow? I think I need to go to Allie's room at some point to get her notes from Philosophy that I missed last week, and I really need to go return a book to the Co-Op and go by the bank because the stupid people sent me my check card with my dad's name on it. Why would they do such a thing? Oh well at least it won't be too hard to fix. At least I hope it won't be too hard to fix. I am so tired but I got so much sleep last night and I don't understand how I'm so tired after only going to class for an hour and a half today? It makes no sense to me. Maybe I am still transforming into the "college-life-style" and I'm just not used to it yet? I'm getting very sleepy but there's no point in trying to take a nap because I know it won't happen for me. I love how I have so many pictures around my room because everywhere I look I am reminded of a fun time with my friends from home. Speaking of home, I feel like so many people are going home this weekend. As much as I would like to go home, I don't think I'm quite ready to leave here yet. I don't think I'm settled in enough yet to get up and leave already. Even if I did go home my parents wouldn't be there because they are going to the lake. I wonder if I will see them at all since they'll be so close to me now? Maybe I will call them later and ask. Oh and I need to call Mimi back since she left me a message yesterday. I'll call her later when I have a few minutes to spare since I know the conversation will last for a lifetime. Or I guess I should say it will last for a long time. It's amazing how I was here in my room for so long by myself without my roommate or suitmate, and then all of a sudden it's like they both appeared at the same time, and within five minutes they both left and I'm left alone again in quietness. I will most definitely take advantage of that alone/quiet time, but then again sometimes I do get bored sitting here by myself. They asked me if I wanted to go eat with them but I just ate a few hours ago, I might as well save my meals for when I'm actually hungry right? Wow, looking up at the clock I never realized how long twenty minutes really is. I feel almost out of breath because I've been typing so much so fast and its only been a mere ten minutes. My sister just called but I have to call her back. She didn't seem to mind because she said that her and her friend Jessi would be searching for Jessi's car anyway. So I wonder what happened to it? Did she park somewhere and forget where she left it? Weird. I hope I never do that. Although it would probably be hard for me to do that since I've only driven my car twice in two weeks. I wonder if that's bad for it? Maybe I need to try to drive it at least once a week to make sure it still works? I should probably ask my dad about that. So its only four oclock in the afternoon and I feel like its ten at night. Why is that? Well I just hope I keep up with everything as much as I'm "supposed" to because college is definitely not like high school. High school is like a joke compared to what I've experienced in only 5 days. Oh well at least we get a month of for winter break instead of two weeks. So about winter break. I cannot wait to go home because I think we will have like a reunion of everyone getting to be together once again. I'm sure Ill see most of my friends over Thanksgiving break but the first time we will all be together with the "old gang" will probably be Christmas break. That will be a fun break, and I know it will be great seeing everyone again. I wonder if my family will be taking any kind of of trip? Hmmm there's another thing I need to check into because I don't like finding out about things like that at the last minute. Especially since my best friend who lives in Virginia will be in Houston for part of the break. If I missed her because I was on a family trip I would be extremely upset so I need to figure it out to make sure I will be around. Wow my eyes are shutting so much maybe I should go get some coffee from downstairs? Sounds like a great idea and it will probably make my throat feel a little better since it's kind of of sore. I think just getting used to college life and my new schedule is wearing me out enough to feel a little under the weather. I can't wait to fully recooperate so I can feel 100% again. Then hopefully I will be in a better mood and not so irritable? Hopefully! Well now getting back to the matter at hand, this assignment. ALthough it has been time consuming, it's probably been the easiest assignment of my entire life. Wow and that's saying a lot!!! I am so interested to see what our next assignment is like, since our professor said that there will never be another one like this again. Our class is huge and I actually saw a second person that I know yesterday when I was walking out. Speaking of I should probably call that friend of mine. Well it looks to me that I just glanced up and this assignment is over! Yay :-) | low | high | high | high | high |
I don't want to go home. I have to take the stupid bus back to campus but I'm too lazy. I'm hungry but I already ate so much I'm gonan get so fat it sucks. no exercise and just food the perfect college experience. dude I'm bored there's nothing to do around here when you don't have a car. I want my car back I miss my baby can't wait until I go back to plano and nadia is pissed off because her stupid phone doesn't have service in her apartment and her apartment sucks. there's no cold water in the shower so I got burned like crazy this morning how am I going to take a shower tomorrow if there's no cold water and the maintenance people didn't fix it yet they're probably going to come tomorrow early in the morning and wake me up and they are screaming like stupid girls and I think shara just got hit in the boob. ha ha how funny. ok its just her leg. gosh we have no life. there's nothing to do aorund here. we just sit here and do nothing and they just scream and we;re going to get fat . I think we should work out. walking around campus is exercise I guess but it doesn't really do anything. I need to work out so bad but I'm too lazy and I don't know wat else to say . I dotn feel like goign to class tomorrow because there's no point in going to chemistry because all his notes are online and he doesn't really expand on it and its so boring and its a one and a half hour class and I want to sleep and I just sit there and stare at nothing its so retarded. I don't get why classes are so boring there's no point in taking a chemistry class if I'm going to be a business major and my friends are being so freaking loud and I can't concentrate and I don't know what I'm typing I'm not even paying attention. there's this girl who got in a car accident and the air bag blew out her eye and she's suing hte company or something I don't know. I think that's really cool. Sort of I don't know I'm runnign out of thigns to say and its only been about 6 mins. how can I do this for 20 mins its impossible I don't think that much. haha that just made me sound really retarded . I think someone in my friends freshman seminar is gay. she's so mean. she doesn't want to hang out with ditzes . don't know how to spell that. there's this grl in psych that wants to form a study group. I don't even know her and I don't my phone just rang and I and we just had a wing dinner and I didn't go and my roommate went to another wing and its so retarded. I don't really want to go and we'll going to get fat. I think my roommate thinks I don't want to stay in my dorm because I haven't been back there in like a week. she might think I don't like her or somthing and my wing advisor doesn't know me she asked my friend told me she asked if she was me. I'm runnning out of stuff to say why are we doing thing. Is there a point . don't htink tat was really smart to say but tats what I'm thinking and this is the assignment so I wrote it. my friends think all I think about is sex alcohol my suicidal lova with and an "A" and they're laughing at nothign its so weird. there are two lesbians on the bed behind me its kind of kinky. gosh this is so retarded. I hope you don't read this because I have no idea wat I'm saying. we are depressed. We realized today thanks to our psych class. all we do is eat sleep do nothing think about sleeping think about partying and doing stuff but we don't and we just sit and eat and do nohting. and htink about classes that we should go to but don't which is really bad since we;re paying for these classes . And now the stupid lesbians are asking each other how many fingers am I holding up and they think I have blonde hair because they found one one the bed. that shows how stupid they are. its probably nadia's because she's a total blonde on the inside and out. and now they're talking about this guys butt and how he wears really tight pants. and how they want their guys friends cloths and now they're imitating how their friends stand this is so stupid I have like 5 mins left and now they want to watch porn. we watched one the other night it was so funny. it was my first time like a few days ago and now they're talking about how we sleep. shara is always squishing me against the wall. And nadia like elbows me. O I have to get tickets for plano tm. Because I'm going back this weekend to see my friend whos leaving for harvard on Saturday so smart. and she just got her cartilage pierced today with my other friend. they're such wusses. They called me and were like freaking out and asking me if it hurt and stuff and I'm like. just freaking do it. And I told them not to call me until they did it. So they did. Took them long enought. gosh 3 more minutes. can't wait until I go to plano. Get my car and probably going to see some friends and hang out and stuff. Stupid dylan piss me off. Gosh why can't he just cooperate once in a while gosh. Its so stupid . I just don't understand him sometimes. nadia wants to put my hair in pigtails and she'll pay me to go to class like tat she said she'll make me dinner but she can't cook if her life depended on it. she made these intstant mash potatoe thngs and it came out wet and dry at the same time and it was kind of grainy and stuff. It was the grossest thing I have ever tasted . and she even screws up instant noodles. she doesn't add enough water and it comes out dry and salty. Ok only 30 mor seconds. just drag it out . Type slower . And now they're talking about their stupid eyebrows and how crappy a wax job it was and she keeps looking at it and tis | low | low | low | low | low |
I can't believe I am doing this. This homework is due on Friday. However, I am working on it instead of studying for some other assignments given by other professors. I am so behind right now. I didn't even read a page of psy yet. Why? It is all because my sis's bf lost his carkey!!! I left the book in his car on Friday. And the result of this? I have to wait till Monday 1AM. That's when he got his spare key from HOUSTON! My room is so not-neat right now. I need more time! I went to my sister's friend's apartment just now. His place is so messy. I guess the place that I live in is not bad at all. The psy class is so huge. I am in TIP classes. Most of the classes are not in the big auditorium. I am excited about being a college students. I met a lot of new people. People from different cities. There is a badminton club in UT Austin. I am joining it for sure. I love playing badminton. However, in my high school, we only played badminton during PE for a week or so. I wonder why people here don't like badminton that much. Bio is so interesting. I like chemistry too. However, there are some serious reading that need to be done at home. On top of all those, there are in-class quizzes and discussion that I have to attend. Where can I find all the time to do all the thing that need to be done? I am spending 20 minutes right now to complete an assignment that is not going to be due in a few days. Why am I doing this right now, at midnight? Am I crazy? I do need to get some sleep. However, if I get some sleep right now, I can never get my stuff done. I am going to take a hip-hop/funk dance class. I got my flight ticket back to Malaysia. I am so worried that I might have to cancel that flight when my bio professor said that the final is going to be on the 18th. I thought I might not be able to make it again. I had fun during critical thinking class. I mean, what is the purpose of taking critical thinking class? I do not get it. However, the class is pretty relaxing--so far. I wonder what the exam is going to be like. What about chemistry? How is the exam going to be like? I met some of my siser's friends. I met some new friends as well. I am still seeing some of my old friends. However, we don't see each other that often since we all have different classes on different time and date. On top of that, I have some friends that don't go to UT Austin. I want to go to San Marcos. I want a handbag. I bought myself a wallet. I went to Urban Outfitters. I will go broke if I keep on shopping. I don't shop that much. I don't really like going to mall. My sister loves going to mall. I think going to mall just to LOOK for stuff to buy is a waste of time. I would not do that unless I am extremely bored. Sometimes I like to buy artistic stuff. Am I artistic? I don't think so. I doubt it. I don't see myself as a creative person. I love sciences and maths. Those are my favorite subjects. I totally dislike government, history, geography, etc. I think psychology is interesting---so far it seems to be. I am all worn out. I had been up since 8:30 in the morning until right now. I had a really busy schedule. I want to go to my friend's apartment and start karaoke-ing. Is this the right spelling? No one will know anyway. I want to go back to Houston and see what's going on over there. I want to see my friends in Houston/Sugar Land once again. I want to go to Malaysia and start shopping. I want to go to Hong Kong and eat those delicious food. I need to get my homework done. So much to do, so little time. People who live right next to my apartment are kind of noisy. They party like almost every night. I totally understand that since this is Austin and all of them are UT students. I am just telling the truth here. No offense to anyone. Who will disagree on that? I want to sleep now. But I still need to write more and then do more reading. I don't want to be a know-nothing person when I go to bio lecture tomorrow. I can't believe I write that much in this short amount of time. I hate writing. Writing is not my strong part at all. I like to eat. I want to eat sushi right now. Korean food will do too. | low | low | high | high | high |
The first thing that coems to mind is how much I hate the stupid popups that are getting in the way of my writing and slowing down my laptop. The man that invented those should be shot. Now I'm starting to remember what was said in class about this assignment. It seemed like a really dumb assignment to do, but I prefer writing for only twenty minutes versus actually drafting up some essay and spending hours writing and rewriting and losing sleep over it. There really isn't much too this, which should've been fairly obvious to everyone in class. Why is it that no matter where you go there's always someone really really stupid that'll ask the same question that someone else asked only a few seconds before them. If I was a teacher that would really annoy me. It would be fun to put those dog shock collars on those types of people, you know the ones that everyone growns inwardly (and sometimes outwardly) at as soon as they open their mouth because nothing good will come out. I actually really do like the psych class. The assignment is aggravating because I know that odds are no one will ever read this and I'm doing it just for my own amusement. I know if I cheat and just copy and paste something or bang on the keyboards for 20 mins, then I'll feel bad about it. Oh well, 20 minutes isn't that big of a deal anyways. I'm killing time until my boyfriend gets done with his project so I can talk to him again. My mind is trying to go into thinking about my bf, but I'm not going to let that happen. I know that most people have a hard time making a "long distance" relationship work when the distance really isn't that far. All the girls I've met left a bf in Houston or Dallas. I wish that's how far away he was because I could go and see him on the weekends. Actually, if he was anywhere in the US, then it would really help, but I knew what I was getting into when we decided to stay together. No more boyfriend talk. I start looking around the room to think of something else, but the first thing that catches my eye is my roommate's vase of big yellow flowers that her bf just sent her. That's really not helping. I keep thinking about something in Spanish, but I'm guesssing whoever might read this (I doubt anyone ever will) won't know Spanish so I guess I should write it in english. La ausencia para el amor es como el viento para el fuego: extingue lo pequeno y the fuerza a lo grande. That would translate to, Absence for love is like wind for fire: it extinguishes the small and gives strength to the large. Sounds much better in Spanish though. Now I'm starting to remember that anytime Spanish comes up, everyone asks how I know it and when I tell them I lived in South America they always ask if that's where I'm from. That has to be THE single most annoying question. I've been asked so many times, too many times. And no matter how many times I explain I'm from Dallas, and my parents are 100% American, people still assume that my family must be Mexican. It's like asking an oriental person if their family is originally from Africa. It's just stupid. I don't look hispanic at all. Everyone assumes too much. When I say I lived in South American, they all assume Mexico. And when I say no, then they think I must have lived in a hut in the middle of the jungle. But its not only the Americans. Now I'm remembering all the dumb questions I got when I moved to Lima. When I said I'm from Texas, they all said no you're not, you're not wearing any boots and a gallon hat. Or they'd ask where my horse was, or what happend if my horse got sick and how would I get to school if that happened. Plus I got all the dumb Bush jokes. Fern used to call me Bushwa instead of Gushwa, my last name. Pretty creative though. I'm glad he's happy at Harvard | high | low | low | low | low |
I'm actually really tired, but I want to finish as much homework as I possibly can. It's not terribly late so I thought it would be nice to write something on my thoughts right before I go to bed. Today was a good day. Not too much stress and I talked to a lot of my friends and family. Its always nice when I get to talk to old friends from hs. today I met a girl that went to the same elementary as me. we didn't know each other, but we had a connection because we were from the same town. MOst people have never heard of my town before, so it was pretty cool. I also met a girl this morning that went to the other hs in my town, which again is strange. I actually met a lot of people, one of the girls has a class with me and we live right down the hall from each other. I'm glad to know that I have someone that I can study with or ask a question if I need help anytime I want. One good thing about college is that it's really easy to make friends. Even if you're a shy person, there's always someone who is willing to talk to you. I used to be really shy, but I don't have much of a problem introducing myself to random people, I actually enjoy doing that now. I look foward to those that I will meet tomorrow, I just hope I can remember everyone's name when I see them again. I've met so many people in such a short period of time that it becomes difficult to match names with faces. I enjoy all of my classes, I'm feeling pretty comfortable in my decision on what I plan to major in. It seems that I really do enjoy chemistry and biology, but I'm really glad to have a psychology class to take my mind off of things that I have to do. I'm really excited about Wednesday. I'm going to try out for the rowing team. I think I'm really going to enjoy the workouts and meeting new people. I hope I make the team, but I don't want to get my hopes up, so I'm just going to see how it goes. Today I went to the gym to see how difficult rowing really is and I feel much more comfortable with my decision. I was able to row correctly, although it gets kind of confusing at times because it is not a natural movement. but I was able to row for 2000 meters non-stop my first try, and I think that's pretty good because I only have to row for 500 meters for the tryouts. I'm not sure how good my chances are at making the team. I haven't been on a sports team since middle school. but I have been in band since sixth grade. band may not be the best workout ever or the most strenuous, but marching can get pretty tiring, and I think that it has prepared me a little for this. I'm really good with endurance which is key in rowing. In high school, we had to march for 8 minutes straight. my senior year I had a solo and I had to run around to my different sets and then stand still and play a long slow balad for a couple of minutes and make it musical. That was pretty hard to play without people realizing I'm completely out of breath. But it was really rewarding, I had the opportunity to play in front of thousands at a time at our football games. I could never get up in front of a crowd and speak or sing, but I can play my flute in front of anyone. I really wish I was able to be in the UT band. I had always wanted to be part of the band, but now my major doesn't allow the time. I hope that later in my college career, I have the chance to be in the marching band at least once. I think it would be so much fun. Music has always been a big thing in my life, I love to play it, but I also love to listen to it. My favorite kind of music is country. I especially love george strait. I have most of his cd's. I know every word to every song he sings, I only need to hear the first chord of one of his songs and I'll know its him. I'm also a big fan of 80's movies. one of my favorites is young frankenstein. mel brooks makes wonderful movies, I think they're all hilarious. real genius is another good one I like. most of my favorite movies I'm able to quote from beginning to end. one of the classics is the princess bride. there are so many great one-liners in that movie. my dad and I always say random quotes from movies anytime something happens. my dad knows the most trivial things. he'll know the answer to the most random question you can think of. its pointless, but its pretty cool. my dad and I are really close, I wish I could be more like my dad. we grew really close when my mom passed away when I was little, he remarried, and now I have a brother and a sister. I love my little sister so much, she's the cutest. she never uses my real name, she always calls me sister. I really miss her. but I talk to her often and she's always so excited to hear from me. she just got a new rabit, she's had 5 and three of them were sold in the stock show and one of them died. but now she has 2. I hope the heat doesn't get to these two like the others. she's always really worried about them. she also has a dog, and I have a dog named princess. my dog is a choc. lab. she's really cute, but she's also really old. I'm glad she has a new puppy to play with since I won't be there for her all the time. I've had her ever since I was little, I miss her too. I brought a lot of pictures and things from home so I wouldn't get homesick. my room is very comforting I think. I don't think I could stand it if it were blank. most of my pictures are of my family and of my best friend kelly. she goes to corpus with my brother, so she isn't that far away from me. we talk all the time online though, so it feels like she's here. | high | low | low | high | low |
Let's see. I'm sitting here in my dorm room all alone. This is a great time to get some homework done before my roommate comes back. Not that she's not a cool person or anything, I just can concentrate better when I'm alone and when it is quiet. But that is almost impossibe here in Jester. There are always people roaming the halls making loud noises. Like right now! Oh well, it is something I must get used to. Or I can do what I did last night. Wait until around midnight to go to the study lounge located on this floor to get my reading done. I stayed there until 1:30 a. M. I guess I can do my work better at night. My fingers are freezing! This room is so cold! I haven't even figured out how to change the temperature in this room, it is insane. I'm cold even when I go to bed at night with my blanket. I have to constantly keep a sweater on and I cannot wear shorts like I used to back at home. Aw, home! I think I am starting to miss being at home. I called the house the other day and my 11-year old brother told me he misses me. This, ladies and gentlemen, is something that never occurs. I do go back home on Thursday night, but only so that I can get to the DFW airport Friday morning for my flight to Atlanta. I am competing in a sports tournament for my church. I am playing flag football and running track. Another cool thing about this weekend get away is that I get to see the guy I've been dating for less than a month. Well, I've known him for about 4 years, but we just started hanging out a lot after we did a children's camp for my church together. It's funny because he liked me after we were participants in a camp when we were about 13. I went to a dance with him after that, but only because I didn't want to be mean. He is exactly a year and 13 days younger than me. That was always an issue for me before, but for some reason, I really don't care anymore. He is the sweetest and funniest guy I have ever met. I actually just got out of a 3 year and 3 month relationship a month ago. Me and my ex-boyfriend decided that since we were both going off to college, we should take time apart and maybe date other people since he was my first and only boyfriend. A week after we broke things off, this new guy I'm dating told me he had feelings for me. I was so confused and didn't know what to do because I had just got out of a relationship and I was going to be moving to Austin in a few weeks. But I'm normally the uptight girl that can't let loose and enjoy myself. Because of that, I decided that I'd go ahead and be true to my feelings and attempt to actully be with another guy. We decided we'd just go with the flow and not really label ourselves. My ex found out and was extremely jealous. It just bites that he showed his love and affection for me after he hears about me being with another guy. But oh well, that's life I guess. I am really glad I continued to see this other guy, regardless of what my ex had to say. I spent every day with him until the day I left. I have never met anyone that has made me laugh so much. He is amazing. The only thing I'm worried about is that I'll fall too hard and too quickly for him. I mean I did just get out of a serious relationship and I don't think I'm quite ready for another one. That's the only problem I'm having right now. The fact that he's a high school student does not bug me as it used to. But the distance might become an issue. It was an issue in a way for me and my ex, so I do feel a tad bit guilty that I'm willing to work things out with this new guy rather than my ex. But my ex did not treat me as well as this new one is treating me. But yeah, that is basically what has been on my mind like everyday while at UT. But I am definitely loving it here in Austin. I enjoy all of my professors and classes. Having two biology classes and a chemistry class, however, can be tough. In addition I am taking this psychology class, which I dropped economics for because it seems way more fun and interesting. Other than that I have my freshman seminar class, which has the topic of promoting health in multicultural populations. I just finished the reading for that class right before I started this assignment. Ah, my hands are still so cold. What do I do?! My ears are feeling very cold too. Must I wear gloves in the summer in my DORM ROOM?! Or my bad, it is the fall now. Same thing. Today is the day for my mile run. Ever since I moved to Austin, I have been running a mile every other day at the Gregory Gym. I absolutely love that place! And it is so convenient because it is right next to Jester. Freshman 15 can kiss my booty because I am staying in shape! I find that I've been working out more here than I was doing at home in the summer. I really love this lifestyle I have at UT. The whole freedom thing is still a bit overwhelming, but I do not feel like I am abusing it. I did party a lot this weekend, but I didn't drink or anything. People keep calling me a party girl and it is actually making me a bit upset. I don't want people to view me as a party girl because I'm not out of control or anything. Oh well. I see that this writing is almost up. That wasn't too bad! | low | high | low | high | high |
Wow this is actually a cool writing assignment. I would have never expected to be asked to sit here at my computer and just write what I am thinking for a 20 minute period. I have just gotten back from a meeting about the Texas Lonestars organization and LOVED it! The only problem is that I am just a freshman still getting use to the whole college life and time management thing. I am kind of stressed out (but not nearly as bad as I know I can get sometimes) just because I am pre med and I know that I really need to concentrate on my grades and school work while also getting involved. Getting involved, however has never been a problem for me. I love to be involved in everything. Now that is a problem because if I spread myself too thin I am not going to be able to put forth my best in each venue. I know for sure that I want to do something involving dance because it has been such an intricate part of my life for so long and is truly one of my passions. I am going to try out for the Roustabouts and the Steel Dance Company. I am beginning to get nervous just because I haven't really gotten the chance to practice anywhere here since I've been away from home. I hope that I am able to keep my grades really good while also having fun and enjoying my college experience. I know that I am here to get an education, but it's obvious to everyone that college doesn't just teach you knowlege in your courses that are suppose to be preparation for your career, but it's also a learning experience for life lessons. I feel that just in the week and a half that I have been here I have already become more responsible and determined. It has been kind of hard switching from not only my hometown to a new, huge city, but also from summer and relaxation and the feeling of "yey school is over" to "wow, my life is just beginning, along with lots of studying that I don't really want to do. " My life has just been kind of awkward lately anyway. I know that things are suppose to change when you go off to college in so many ways especially through your habits and relationships and mine definitely has. The fact that my family has been going through changes of its own has made me feel somewhat distant and like I don't belong. Yet, the funny thing is that I don't really care or maybe it's that I don't know how to make the effort to fit in again. My first time to go home will be to a different home than the one that I've lived in for the past four years (even though I lived there when I was younger) and I feel like it will just be weird to see how my family's lives have just king of carried on without me. I won't really understand my mom's relationship with the guy she is dating or how my brother is experiencing or enjoying high school. My dad is perhaps the only one that I will probably still feel just about the same with because I am use to not seeing him all the time. My time is almost up and as of right now I am just really hoping that, even though I may not be showing my priority to God right now, he will really just step into my life and help me control it in the right direction. | high | high | high | high | low |
I wonder if he is going to call me tonight. I wonder if he cares or if he just wanted some. I hate guys like that. why do I always fall for a guy and just end up getting hurt. Ray must really not give 2 shits about me. I gave him all of my heart and he just broke it. why are guys like that. I hope my cat doesn't hurt my hampster. do rats really not get depressed I wish I was a rat I can't handle being depressed anymore it seems like I will never be happy doesn't anyone care about me I just want someone to love because I know I have so much love to give. I wonder if I like manny or if it is just a fling. either way I had fun with him. I probably shouldn't have stayed with him those nights but I enjoyed it. I wish we could be together right now. I wonder what he is doing does he want me or what. I really just want someone to want me. I don't want to be alone anymore. I have so much homework I have to do. if I don't do better then I will be kicked out of ut that can't happen my parents will be so pissed I need to make a's in all my classes why can't I do it am I really stupid or what I just want to be happpy is that too much to ask for. I wish manny would call he's so cute and smart but I don't know what the deal is I don't want to sit by myself tonight. I have to work int the morning I hope I make some money because I am fucking broke I have no money I can't even eat. man when am I ever going to get out of this hole. I don't want to go to work but I need to I hope my hampster is ok over there I think he fell asleep in his little ball and titty is messing with him o wait she is going to sleep too how cute. iam really tired of writing southpark is on and I would really like to watch it they just made a penis out of clay and the teacher just picked up like she was jacking it off it was so funny. man I need to get some. what is going on cartman is so funy the just called the art teacher a art whore. I wish I was with manny he really keeps my mind off of ray. ray really hurt me I wonder if he even cares probably not he just screws people and leaves them he is such an asshole. I would really like for manny to just hold me that would be nice. I love to be held surley there is someone out there for me why am I alone I just need to get trashed tonight that will make me feel better. I hope there are some good parties tonight maybe I will meet someone tonight I think I'm pretty does no one else I always get attention so why am I by myself I really need to do something all I ever do is homework I am so tired I need more sleep it seems like I never have a break and I don't know how much more I can do without just callapsing I wonder if I should call manny but if he wanted to talk to me he would call so should I wait for him to call me or should I call him I don't know I really want to see him when I woke up next to him monday morning he told me to call me him but he didn't answer but he called last night at like 12:30 I called him back today and still haven't heard from him I hope he calls | high | high | high | high | low |
Why don't the washing machines ever work in my dorm? I mean I swipe and swipe my student I'd and nothing. Nothing ever starts up. I don't carry change on me just because I know Ill spend it on dumb stuff, so I guess Ill never get my clothes washed. Which is a really strange thing because back home I am so meticulous about being clean and having a something new to wear everyday. I don't really care as much here. I only care when I go out what I have on. This is for the pure reason of wanting to impress males. There is so many cute guys at UT, going out is soon going to be a problem if I don't get my all my work done. I am so scared of not doing well in my classes. This is the big times. If I screw up here there may be no point of return. Its either do it or get out. There's like 10000 people here who are pre-med and I'm guessing 9999 of them are smarter than me, which really doesn't work in my favor when it comes to getting into med school. Ah, why am I putting myself down!? I can do it. I know I can, I've wanted this forever so I'm not going to just give up. I really loathe calculus though. I work so hard,and then I always seem to screw up the exams. Why? I don't know, maybe I have testing anxiety? Is that really a real thing or is just some excuse I'm making up for my bad testing skills. Well, whatever it is I need to get it under control. My roommate seems to have everything under control. She wakes up, makes her bed, goes to class, does 3 work out classes, eats fruits and vegetables for dinner, studies, then goes to sleep at 11 pm. I'm like "WOW" here's the model student, so of course what do I do? I try to model her actions. Yah, its not working so well. I am just not such a structured person. I do believe I have A. D. D though, or maybe once again this is just another excuse. I just cannot focus on my reading assignments for more than like thirty minutes. What's the deal? I have no idea. Oh I have so much to do tomorrow, so many things to take care of . I need to find out when my old professors office hours are this fall. I really don't want to have to see him again, but its got to be done. Especially if I want my grade fixed. I hated my grades this summer. I can't believe I let myself slip that low. Well its really taught me a lesson. I think. I mean I am actually getting more studying done, or activities persay, such as this writing assignment. But I still feel like the same old me. Gosh, there this amazing jacket I want at the mall. I wish I just had an endless supply in my checking account. But don't we all? Yah good thing I got a new job here. My job is so badass. Wait am I allowed to say ass in a school assignment. hmmmm interesting. Oh well there's no going back now! But I do get paid a lot of money and that helps me a lot, because I am so expensive. If I walk into a store, the only thing I'm going to like I can guarantee is going to the be the most money. My room is so freezing cold. I really need to find out if something can be done about this. It's 60 degrees all the time, I'm sitting here in like my eskimo clothes in the middle of summer in texas. It's ridiculous. I really miss San Jac. They had their own thermostats in each room. It was clean. And big. Speaking of san jac. Football season starts Saturday. WOOHOO. I'm the biggest dork, I get so into school events like that. It just feelsreally cool to be a part of something so big. It is sort of like when I'm walking past the tower and the mail bldg. and I look down and see the capitol building. I'm amazing, like "wow, I really made it here!" It's kind of surreal to me, like an out of body experience. Then there is always the kids who make it look so easy to be here and like they don't give a damn, I'm like stop that! Exclamation marks make it look like I'm overly excited or yelling or something. I don't like that so I won't use them any more. Is this 20 min up yet? okay, I don't think I'm supposed to be thinking that. Great now I've fallen into the trap of thinking about thinking of what to write for this paper. I thought all day long about how to avoid this hole. Yah it wasn't doable. Is doable a word? do able. I don't know but I like using it. uhhhh. That's the sound of me going braindead. Well not necessarily, that would mean I was dead and obviously I'm not because duh here I am typing. I just really can't concentrate with my room being so cold. My nose is like an icicle. You know speaking of stream of consciousness, I have always wanted to read Ulysses. Isn't that the name of the book by James Joyce ? Yah I read an excerpt from it and it was very intriguing. They do this whole writing thing a lot better than I do. I'm looking at my writing and I feel that I sound Childish, not intelligent, like I should be dictating more mature words. Oh god there I go trying to sound smarter. I guess all I can do is write what's in my head. This is me, this is it. Only like one more minute to go and thank goodness. I feel like I've been having to force myself to think or something for the last twenty. Plus I've been thinking in like turbo speed. Sometimes I talk like that. Very fast. People can't understand me its horrible. Oh damn my hand hurts so bad. Ok good I am finally. D-o-n-ne. | low | low | low | low | high |
What an evening! I have every bad event that has taken place tonight on my mind right now because now I am in the worst mood. I went with my suitemate to pick up food from Taco Cabana. Everything was going good, but then we had to wait forever for our food. Then when we got to the window, we had to send her drink back because it was the wrong size. Finally, we got our food, and it was right. We drove back to our dorm. The Castilian has a very strange structure that they call their parking garage. I park on the end of the row, and it is almost impossible to get in to. After ten minutes, I finally got my car in my assigned spot. When we were getting out, she grabbed the food and I grabbed the two drinks. We had to wait forever forever for the parking garage elevator. FInally, it came and we headed up to our room. I stacked the two drinks on top of eachother and supported them with my chin as I attempted to unlock my door. As I was doing this, I even heard my suitemate offer to hold the drinks while I opened the door, but I just ignored because I thought I had them. I made it in the door successfully, but as I was going to set them down, I dropped both of them all over my area rug. Irate, I bent over to pick up all of the ice on the floor and I screamed how much I really wanted a soda since I haven't had one all week! I knew I had to get my rug washed otherwise it would be stained. I proceeded to head down to the laundry room but realized I had forgotten the detergent. All the while, keeping in my mind that my food was upstairs getting cold. When I walked in to the laundry room, I whacked my hip bone on the door knob, and even as I type this, I can feel the bruise forming. I kept walking towards the washing machines and didn't notice a puddle of water on the floor. I slipped 3 times before making it to the machine. I was so mad by this time that I just decided to wash my rug without any detergent. Now, here I am sitting in my room so pissed about all the events. I get back in my room and the internet is not working!! I realize that I am so sick of fighting with the Apogee people that run our internet connections in our dorm. So now, here I am eating the soggy nachos that I paid 6 bucks for. All I can smell is the food, but now I'm really not hungry. You should hear the neighbors across the hall making the situation all the more worse. Their TV or radio is really loud and I can hear it from here. Oh geez, now they're knocking on my door. "Is your internet working?" It just came back up a few minutes ago is what I told them. For a day that was going too good, it has now taken a turn for the worst. Now I am thinking about the phone call I just made to my mom a little bit ago after all the excitement. She did not offer me ANY words of advice! "Things happen!" she said. Wow! No kidding!! I don't think anything else can go wrong, unless my internet decides to cut off while I am writing this. I look around my room and all I can see is a big mess! As of right now, an optimistic attitude is way out of the question! I'm seeing my WET school books on the ground as a result of the tumbling tower of drinks. WOW!! I think this is the worst mood I've ever been in! My room is freezing, my floor is wet, my rug is down in the dryer (which I have to go get in an hour--great!), and my neighbors are a pain in the rear. My suitemate is playing sad music really loud and it is drifting in to my room. It is reminding me of an ex-boyfriend that I have back home! He acts so funny sometimes. He thinks he is so hard to get when I know that when I go down there, he will come right back to me. He's been acting like such a jerk to me lately along with all the other losers that live back home. I was supposed to try to get a lot of things done on the internet tonight, as far as classes, and now I am completely set back. Nursing homework, psych writing assignment, and retrieving bio notes were just a few of many things that I was supposed to do. My stomach is growling because I am so mad. It gets like this when things go wrong. I HATE WHEN THINGS GO WRONG!! My mom's words are ringing in my ears. "Things Happen!" "I just got done telling dad how good of a mood you sounded in when I talked to you earlier!" THen come my suitemate's words. "Chill out girl! It's going to be alright!" I don't think that will EVER happen at this rate! | low | high | high | high | high |
it is often very cold in the Fac the smurf lab especially they call it the smurf lab because it's a student microcomputer facility the acronym and its meaning both absurdly out of date. the computers are new and black the keys crunching crisply under my sore and tired fingers sore and tired from a 3 hour lab drawing three dimensional models in a computer, changing materials, trying to get travertine to stick to cool, airy software. a man comes in (a boy a man) and sits at the computer I usually use but couldn't because his stuff was there. he pulls a sandwich out of a bag, readjusts his hat, takes a slow bite of the sandwich and gets back to work chewing and biting calmly and contentedly as if preparing for a long night which will require nourishment of a complete sort. complete nourishment completed with a drink of some brownish liquid like all other brownish liquids we drink as humans nearly indiscriminately. 4 minutes four minutes of aching arms and hands nerve cells firing the table to my brain, the itch on my right cheek to my brain, the cool air of the place to my brain. I love to write. I love to think in written form, to read the words in my brain, to think nothing but print if I can manage it. Not just in a case like this as if I ever had a case like this - but in all of my life, my every day. My speaking to others has quotation marks around it, descriptive ways of describing what I describe. I always want to write discribe and I don't think I ever have until now because always my mind ( the silent one, the one that doesn't think in word sounds or print) my silent mind stops my hand and puts an e there because it's right, because I knew that from the beginning but the part of my brain that lives in kindergarten, brown bear brown bear what do you see? - tells me so. No it tells me iiiii iii aye aye aye eye eye eye but it's eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I live in an apartment on my own now I can barely get it out of my head because it was so beautiful when I moved in bare clean white bright new and beautiful and I keep it so clean and I love that about the apartment and I love that about me. I love to keep it all perfect. any one in the world could walk in the door and other than my messy grammar of any one's and every thing's there would be nothing out of place. I could open the door to the world and there is nothing shameful lying about no dirty plates and cups no clothes on the floor no mess around the sink. It's all clean as I'd like my life to be and am so gradually making it. The separation of church and state - the separation of method and emotion. Somehow I now think of star trek - oh, vulcans. Those crazy vulcans. I loved the next generation but I could never stomach any of the other iterations- the other shows in the series. The next generation was so right - picard so venerable, so rarely stooping to kirks weaknesses or the others' stupidities. So french, so proud. they made this archae not anthropological finding of some skull of some ancient form of man (in real life, not star trek) and they goyt got some graduate student or artist or pro or whatever to make a cast and then cover it with skin and eyes and hair to recreate the face of ancient man and it accidently turned out to look like patrick stewart and everyone thought hey ancient man looked like patrick stewart and they said no it didn't it's just a mistake but it was a great funny mistake anyway. I think a lot about william and henry james. I just read portrait of a lady over the summer and then to read ab out william in the psych book was so great so great to think that brothers could accomplish noteriety in separate fields to think that greatness was inherited from their father but they still so outshone him. my father has a software company and employs a man named john stewart which I think of because of patrick. He (john) drives a brand new red car red what corvette that's it. a red corvette so new that at the corvette show they didn't have one and paid him to put it on display. did they pay him? my ear itches. They used to say in elementary school if your ear itches someone is thinking about you who thinks about me. The boy in the chair I usually sit in is thinking about me because I see him glance up from time to time in the corner of my eye. He eats like a man watching football, chews with his mouth open swallows gulps too large to imagine. so close to done and I loved doing this because I never write anymore. s | high | high | low | low | high |