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My name is jon krebbs and I forgot my code I'm really sorry my roommate wants to know what this paper is about I answered "stream of conscious no I'm thinking you dumbass and damn that tool in the background sounds awesome. I wander why I'm so forgetful? probably all the smoke. let me see hear this is my day off oh my god cole just let out a crazy yell from his back he strained it wow manard g I feel really light headed this is awesome cole is on the ground wow he is trying to get up "are you alright fool?" I ask I been crawling on my belly wow do I delusions? cole wants his matches I say get em I got to keep typing this paper wow I home they except this even though I don't have my code with I live and grow will I be paranoid this is awesome. so anyway live or to lie that is the question earlier this morning my mouse trap I set owned a mouse in the side or the head cole s phone rings welcome to atlanta andyway the mouse was just laying there and I felt like wow that poor bastard my phone is ringing one sec its joe he is at the daoroorawww hist this is nuts anyway back to the topic the mouse was making all kinds of squeaky noises dying and I thought what if there are some mice in the afterlife that trap us that would suck I probably won't set another trap I look at joe wow red headed we are going to game soem counterstike I know it I'm thirsty 'gulp' water now that is something you take for granted talk about taking that away from someone they get a little antsy I feel like I appreciate most of my life sometimes I feel a little guilty about being a son but its ok I think it will go down for me like that wow no music! this sucks kazaa lite yes the grudge wow. honestly there was like 2 seconds just then I didn't think about anything wow so I wander what all those girls in my class are like some of em look good coles back is killing him I see the grimace in his face 'toke' where is it ? humble hahaha to be humble somebody told me that was the highest form of pride and aint that the truth I brag about my shit it I know its someone that can be shot straight I wander why there is so much depressing in the world haha that was just for you I know why its cause in america at least we know longer have the preoccupation of thinking about SURVIVAL like what we are going to eat you know what I mean controlling let this go so yah if people would not be so strange I feel a little young I mean change PLEASE DON'T TAKE of points from my grade maynard is yelling someone signs on aim maybe its a friend a good friend what am I going to do tonight I wonder ? my brother imed me | high | low | high | high | low |
clear waters beckening - wow - this is not going to work - my mind is blank - or is it. - is it just blank because I have to write down what is going threw it. hmmmm its 20* degrees celcius right now. that does not even really matter, I prob. won't go outside unless I need to smoke a cigarette or something. spike tv. what kinda dumb sh** is this. this show sucks - why are they trying to advertise this show with some crazy exciting name like spike tv" - 20 minutes is a long time to be typing. I wonder if it matters how crude my thoughts are. better keep tha inappropriate thoughts out. is that possible. yeah. school takes up a lot of time - and I don't know if getting a degree will even matter, so what is the point. I should just stop typing right now, pack a bag, get in my car, and drive to mexico. I wonder what the point of that survey earlier was. where do all these "personal type surveys" going. is some little guy sitting behind a desk compiling information about me based on the questions I filled out about once a year since I was old enough to go to publicly funded schools. if there really is a guy that is comparing all my information right now - I wonder how much someone in that position would get paid. hahah - getting paid to make assumptions about a person out of a bunch of personal questions. I think that job would be pretty boring. I would have to get intoxicated or something before going to work everyday, that tedious paper work would drive me crazy. that is prob. why people go all postal and shoot people at work - cause they have to do tedious crap everyday that has no bearing. I hope nothing pushes me over the edge of insanity. that would suck. it might not be bad though - I imagine the government would provide a pretty comfortable living for someone who was "mentally handicapped". I bet a few people have thought they were insane and really been on the same wave as everybody else. its crazy to be alive and conscious. consciousness gets dull - nothing modern intoxicants can't handle though, in moderation. joe millionarie was a gay show I resent that guy. I think I'm going to go smoke a cigarette. I can't really think of what to say. I need a cigarette to calm me down. that is not even how you spell "cigarette" but spelling is not even that important. I mean - its like this - professors and anyone else in my life has ragged on me about spelling and grammar. but they know - and I know - that they knew what the meaning of the word I misspelled. that kinda shit pisses me off. need a smoke. | low | low | low | high | low |
ok, I'm really stressed out right now! I've been running around all day, then I got back to my friend's dorm and remembered that I had to do this writing assignment! Of course, stupid me. I didn't know the web address to get here. I had to call my roommate and have her look up the address on my computer. and now its almost 5pm! GREAT. Well, anyway, I'm so happy about last night. This really hot guy that I like invited me over last night to hang out at his apartment :) Exciting! It was a lot of fun. Now I can't stop thinking about him! I also can't stop thinking about Ryan. He still won't talk to me because of that stupid bitch he is dating. I HATE HER. She got between me and Ryan's relationship, firstly, and then our friendship as well. It's only been 4 minutes. I can't think right now. I'm so anxious for this weekend. Well, back to Ryan. every night for the past couple weeks, I've had dreams about him. They won't stop, it's getting annoying. Even last night I had a dream that we ran into each other in Houston and were immediately friends again. That's what I wish would happen. He looked so cute in the dream. so I wake up thinking about the stupid asshole. BUT, at least this morning I woke up next to a hot guy :) :) That makes things a lot easier on me. the only way I know how to get over a guy is by dating a new one. I need distractions, GOOD distractions, to keep my mind off of Ryan. It sucks. I miss him so much but I know he probably doesn't give a shit about me. SO, I just want to feel. wanted. And if it's by this guy, Jason, that would be PERFECT. He is awesome- cute, cool apartment, easy to get along with, funny, and he is even in the business school at UT! Pretty impressive. Of course, with my luck, I'm sure he has plenty of girls after him- so why would he choose to be with me. Hmmm well I can pray that he does! At least he wanted to be with me last night, that's a plus. I have to think about something else! It's driving me crazy. I need to go hang out with Laura soon. she will make me talk about something besides guys! Yummm can't wait to order those delicious cookies from Tiffany's Treats! 13 minutes. ALrighty then. I think I have about a million thoughts running through my head right now and I can't seem to distinguish any certain thought. Does that make sense? Ehh, oh well. School is a stressful place, especially now. What we do now creates what we can do for the rest of our lives! I don't want to fail. yet I'm actually scared that I might. I've never been scared of failing a class- ever. I never made below a B on my report card in high school. College is SO incredibly different! I really do love it here. Even though the classes are challenging, UT is awesome. I like having a big campus. it makes it feel like college. It's the way it should be. At least I have a little workout every day- walking to class and up & down all those stairs all the time. Its tiring! OK, 2 minutes left. JC is distracting me. I want to stop typing now! I'm sure whatever I just wrote down is somewhat interesting. I don't even remember what I said. What should I do tonight. hmmm everyone is going to the game tomorrow. My dumbass didn't get the sports package so I can't go :( How sad. | low | low | high | high | high |
I am pretty tired today. I haven't had much sleep in the last couple of weeks. I have been working pretty hard and now with school starting it is going to be even busier. I work with the youth group at the church I go to. It is getting very busy there as well. We are really trying to get the numbers back up. After the summer the kids seemed to move away and the number of kids seemed to falter a little. Right now I am making a pot of coffee and getting ready to put in a hard day of studying. I was supposed to go to work today but there is nothing for us to do so we are staying home. We are working construction on our new church building. It is very exciting. We have to do a lot of demolition, and to help us out the fire department said they had some guys to train to breech walls. So for the last week they have been breaking through walls. It has been really cool to watch. My coffee smells really good. I am listening to some Audio Adrenaline. They are a Christian band I just downloaded. They sound pretty good, nothing that great about them though. I am switching majors this semester from Engineering to a dual major in History and Spanish, pretty drastic transfer huh? I think it will be good. I got accepted into the UTeach program and so starting this semester I will be in an Austin public school teaching and observing. I will be in the classroom starting next week. I am very excited. My arms are getting really tired from writing so much and it has only been six minutes. I think they are going to fall off. I have a lot to do today. Since I am not working it will give me a good opportunity to catch up. I think I will be pretty far behind in this class PSY 301 because the Co-OP does not have the book(it is out of stock) They won't have it until Monday the 8th. I'll just have to read a lot next week. I need to do laundry today and maybe clean my truck. I am trying to sell my truck. It is a big beast and gets horrible gas mileage. About 10 miles per gallon. I think I will put it on Auto trader and see what I can get for it there. My coffee is done and it is calling my name. Come. Drink me. " I guess I will just have to wait another. oh my gosh. 10 minutes. I am losing my thoughts because my arms hurt so bad and I am really tired. I have to read six books for my History class. It's not so bad I have alreay read one of them and have started on another. The first was very boring. I think the rest will get better. This is a good song. I am also taking Chem 302 I think it will be a challenge because I don't really remember Chem 301 that well. I kind of breezed through it and didn't really learn any of the material. What other classes do I have?. I am trying to teach myself Spanish right now. It is fun. I think I can use Spanish a lot later in life. I hope to do some missionary work and maybe go into youth/college ministry. But who knows what the big guy has in store for me. College age has a lot of possibilities. I am hoping to maybe get something started this semester. I don't know how that is going to turn out but I think it will be fun. THis last summer me and a couple of friends went to Colorado did some fly fishing, landscape photography, and climbed Mt. Elbert (which is the highest peak in the Rockies @ 14,433) It was a lot of fun. I and looking at a picture of me and my friend Chris. It is of when we went skydiving last year. That was a whole lot of fun. "People may doubt what you say, but they will always believe what you do". Reads a poster on my wall. I read it every day to help my fully realize how much more my actions speak than my words. I would like to be a great orator but if somebody could only know my through my life practices and not my life speeches I would want them to say that I had a heart like David ". a man after God's own heart. " That would be the testimony of my life. I pray that I can life according to the beliefs in which I so strongly hold. K2, Everest, Anapurna some of the greatest peaks in the world. I someday wish to climb all of them. But we will see how things play themselves out. I think it is so funny how people grunt and groan and try to figure it all out. The things that are above. are always going to be greater than those below. And tru faith means you don't have to have all the answers. The End | low | high | high | low | low |
I am in my room right now typing with my tv turned on to MTV channel. It's playing justin timberlake song. I just got back from my biochemistry I class and the professor in that class seems very boring. I noticed that he never stop talking in his lecture which makes it hard for me because I feel like I missed a lot of what he said while I was taking notes. I can't seem to take notes and listen well at the same time. I feel I'm more of a single tasked person. Besides the music going on in my room, the water cooker is almost, and I can hear it's boiling right now and I think I need to check on it before the water boils over. I'll be back. Well, I'm back. This week will be a tiring week for me since I have so much to catch up with anthropology reading. I pretty much understand my biochemistry professor after a few lectures of how he is not good in lecturing, so that means I have to spend more time reading and studying, which definitely sucks. My other teachers are okay and I seem to absorb a lot in their lectures. I don't think I can work out much this week and I maybe be able to work out next thursday and saturday. Plans for weekends are unsure since I haven't made any. Hopefully, there will be something fun that my friends will invite me to. I had already met some people in my dorm, but I haven't really met people in my classes. I also met the people from Longhorn Pre-Pharmacy Association. Man, there is going to be a football game this coming saturday and I don't think I can usher again in the football for the Longhorn PRe-Pharmacy since I haven't finished much in my school work and haven't played really since a long time ago. I hope this week and this weekend won't turn out to be terrible. It's unexpected that somehow right now I feel more energetic than when I was about an hour ago when I was in biochemistry class. Maybe professors have a lot of effect on student's energy level or maybe the breakfast that I ate about 3 hours ago now is starting kick in. Something about the song in MTV just made me looked at the screen. It's R. Kelly in a Japanese culture setting, which made me look longer because I am from an asian culture. In America, asian culture is not that widely dispersed, so it's good to see it every so often. As I'm watching a fighting scene in that R. Kelly MTV, I think America has a misleading view toward asian culture because whenever there is something with asian culture, there has to be martial art, which is misleading because asian culture is not just about martial art. Instead, we have other things. I don't feel like listing them right now. It's good to see rap songs are being more popular because it shows America is diverse and multi culture. Speaking of culture, in my anthropology class, we are discussing about culture. I have a lot to read on The Forest People, who are people have very different culture from Western and Eastern culture. The book is | low | high | high | high | high |
I am so glad I made this assignment. why do I always leave things to the last moment like this. classic Laurie" ivsuppose. I don't even want to write correctly -grammar and punctuations. It won't matter though. I am looking at all my different rings I have and how shaky my hands feel from working all day. I hope my dad will like my apartment. and I hope Chris does not find out that Bryan is going with me tonight. what am I going to wear. what kind of dance will it be. will the main dancer be technically perfect or will I sit through the whole performance being annoying and critical. I hate lying. especially to my best friend. I can feel the guilt weigh my arms down. right down to my shaky hands. the rotating fan keeps whizzing past my face. I need a printer. I'm surprised chris lets me use hers. the marker is going to dry out and chris will get mad. her shoes have no shoe laces and are very dirty. man I wonder what those things have seen. lots of drugs probably! but they are retired now. the donnas are very self assured with themselves. I wish I had a d-cup that people stared at. no not really, I like being petite, brenna always complains about her boobs. and Misty is getting fake boobs! what a freaking dumbass. she is like the classical example of female american mistakes. gets married at 19, boob job at 20, child at 21, divorce at 22. don't come crying to me because of your bad decisions. well no I would be a good friend I just feel very betrayed because she left me! and at a whim at that. ugh I wish ollie was not such a bad cat. the more I write the heavier my chest, I realize that I write about bullshit! maybe micheal will ask me out, that was what he was "trying" to do right? he is cute in a hispanic way and I love different cultures. but why is bryan perfect but unreachable. I would feel devastated if C was doing what I was to me. why am I sweating. haha. I am kind of nervous for tonight. I hope it won't be awkward with Alex there. I told Garry not to worry about Chris. shit what do I do. "classic Laurie" I don't think before actions enough. and what the hell am I going to wear tonight. I have to have that put together tight look. maybe stilettos and hair up. shit I am late and I still have 8 minutes of writing left. I thought I turned that dryer signal off. it irritates me. I can hear my bass from my room. that means Chris can hear an awful lot. ok dad should be here at 8 and I leave at 610. arg what to do with Christina. eek my phone is ringing, but I won't get it. now brennas phone is ringing. its a very strange "why the hell did you put it on that" ring. ahh my fav radiohead song just came on. it makes me want to be sad. I was talking to CHris last night about depression and how easily slipped into it is. I would like just for a day to transform into someone else and see if they feel the same way all the time like its a characteristic of the human race or just me. I never close my jaw tight enough and Ill find myself with it hanging and it makes me so angry. I wonder what everyone else is writing. I need to take a shower and chill the fuck out. I am turning into my mother. it would be nice to have more plants in our apt. fix it up more. finish a painting. crap get canvas materials and you better not forget your books again. I really like charles. he is a good teacher, I like him because he reminds me of myself except he is 6 ft and black. very soft spoken. people seem to like me in painting. I should talk more tho. not like this tho. well shower time, this has actually relaxed my chaotic mind! | high | low | low | high | low |
I've been thinking a lot lately on the topic of studying other people, using them as test subjects, objectifying human beings, I really feel that it degrades their very being. I don't understand another human's need to study and examine what makes another human tick. I wish that I could say that I am exempt from this curiosity, but sadly I am not. I find myself hypocritically fascinated by the way that people lose themselves in their jobs, in causes, in religion. They somehow manage to pound it into their heads that whatever it is that they're involved in is important, means something, when in reality 100% of professions and causes are just as pointless as the lives of the people lost in them. None of it will rally matter once these people are gone, and the strange thing is that I think they all know this deep down, they've all had that thought in their life before. Yet they still go on, slaving their lives away, building the modern day pharaoh's modern day pyramids. Just pawns to those that were lucky enough to be born into wealth. God only knows what they would do if they were forced to face the reality of their banal situations. Which raises another good topic, religion, now everyone knows that religion is make-believe for grown ups, just another thing to keep perpetuating the myth that our lives matter in some deep and profound way. Religion as we know it was made to control the masses, sort of a justification for law, and also something that keeps people inline above law, like a conscience. But the religions that we have come up with are so ridiculous we have to implement them to our young at ages when they are too young to tell the difference between real and fake. We teach them religion as fact when they are too young to differentiate for themselves the difference between fact and fiction. It's funny that we act as if what religion we pick matters, as if one is even different that the others, they all have the same common goal to keep people living in the hierarchy, keep believing that by divine right the rich were born to a life of comfort and luxury and the poor must suffer in order for rich to have such pleasant lives. In tribal societies religion doesn't have to be forced on the new generation, rather they welcome it with open arms, just as they aren't forced to work in their lives, rather they do it out of necessity and a primal urge to conform to your own society. People allowing themselves to be controlled really bothers me, it's clear that people can live, sustain life, off very little, and will slave their lives away rather than die. However I can't comprehend how our society got to this point, where the slave drivers now wear a smile while fucking people in the ass. We somehow fib ourselves into believing we need cell phones, computers, tv's, cars, when it's a fact that none of these things even existed 50 years ago. People actually lived without any of this bullshit for 3 million years, people just like you and me, people just as smart, and just as naive. It's clear that society breeds evil not the other way around, the pilgrims committed mass genocide on the indians, but it is forgiven as they were just spreading the one right way to live, that we have so enlighten found. People lived without all this none-sense that we tell ourselves we couldn't live without for nearly 3 million years. But those are all things that no one wants you to know, except maybe Daniel Quinn, Derrick Jensen, John Zerzan, and Chuck Palahniuk. Those are the men that will save our planet and our existence if it isn't already too late. The doomsday clock is set to 40 years from now, that is the point of no return, if things stay the way that they are now, there will be no hope for the future. If we had all just stayed with animism, and believed that the earth is not something for us to own, or control, if we would acknowledge that we are the weakest animal alive in that we are totally and utterly dependent on other animals giving their lives so that we may survive, how could we take away their right to the same land we live on. But there are no classes teaching what people really want to know, what they need to know, only classes perpetuating our way of life. Only classes brainwashing the brainwashed so suddenly that we don't even notice. So why study me when there are billions of other mindless zombies in this world. Now I realize that my writing may sound bleak, as if I'm in a state of utter depression, that I'm innately sad, but it's my very strong belief that with the world the way it is everyone should, and deserves to feel the depression that haunts us all. We keep on trying to come up with ways to hide from ourselves the atrocities being carried out everyday by white collared crooks, making executioner executive decisions. But humans shouldn't need pills to control their feelings, they shouldn't need pills to make them happy, they shouldn't need pills to force their inner feelings into submission. It pains me very deeply to see the day to day transfer we are making into a controlled society, and the people that don't see it, if it isn't already here. Our phones are tapped, our emails are spied on, the government we live under even monitors what books we are checking our in order to make sure were not reading anything that could be dangerous. People wake up everyday and take zoloft, prosac, ritalin, adderol, valium, zanex, anything that will keep them from deviating from what is considered acceptable behavior, to keep them inline. Anything to keep them from focusing on how ridiculous it all is, anything to keep them so fucked up they just don't care anymore. Anything to hide the fact that the light at the end of the tunnel has gone out, there is no hope for the future we are writing now, at least none that includes us. For a species that holds it self in such hich regard, the top of the food chain, the center of the universe, in our own special classification, we sure act stupidly. If we were to open our eyes we'd see that the real criminals are the rich old men living in their mansions, with drugged up kids, both pharasudically, and illegally, allowing oppression, deforestation, slavery, pollution, and the lot to continue everyday, infact they make sure it grows, because you can't stop progress. They are very rapidly destroying any traces of another way of life with every indigenous tribe they try to save" by spreading the word of a god that allows his people to be in a constant state of submission, so that they may enter an endless world of happiness once their life here is over. I'm here to tell you that no such place exists, god is just santa clause for adults. Where was god when the twin towers were hit, where was god when the indians were wiped out by the white man, where was god when the germans were killing the jews, where is god now when people are so cleverly brainwashed since the time they are born that they don't even notice when they're doing it to their own children. I for one would hate to be responsible for bringing another life into this god forsaken waste land. Everyday we scorch the earth with new roads, we rip the earth apart for new buildings, we destroy the earth for a made up monetary system. No one seems to see the bull shit that is going on here, before civilization no one had to work, in fact tribal people have no concept of work, they do what they have to in order to survive and they spend the rest of their time living, doing whatever it is that they want to. We have some how been duped into believing that this way of life is unacceptable, lazy, pointless, a waste, yet we fail to see that our way of life is just as pointless, just as wasteful. Only we have to lie to ourselves and children right from the day they are born, because the way we live is so heinous, so vile, so wrong that our children can't handle it, and for the most part neither can we. We could change everything in one generation, if we all started living a different way one day the whole system would collapse on itself, but we lie to ourselves and force our own minds to believe that this is right, that this is the way things must be and that there's nothing we can do about it. "People cannot risk being overwhelmed by the anxiety which might accompany a full cognitive and affective grasp of the present world situation and its implications for the future" - Grimspoon JG4EVER | high | high | high | low | low |
I am eating a Hershey's bar with almonds. I told myself that I would only eat one little square of it, but as I can see, that didn't happen. You would think that eating chocolate would spoil my appetite, but actually it's making me more hungry. For more sweets. That's interesting. As I'm typing, those little notices that people are signing on AOL instant messenger keep popping up, and for some reason the cursor on my laptop keeps moving over the words I've already typed, so I have to keep going back and deleting and starting over. Annoying. Over the Labor Day weekend, which happened to include my birthday, by the way. On that note, I used to not like having a birthday so near a quote "holiday" because all of my school friends would have some vacation of some sort planned, and I wouldn't be able to get together with all of them. Now that I've entered COLLEGE (smile), I've grown - in two short weeks - to love having a long weekend for my birthday. To spend with special people (bigger smile). Anyways, this weekend (my computer did that thing again) I celebrated my 18th birthday with my family and my BEST friend. My mom used to attend UT Austin, in fact, both of my parents did. Unfortunately, due to health complications she was forced to transfer to another college back home. Anyways, she is a registered nurse, although she took maternity leave long ago, and at the moment she's decided not to go back to work until my little brother gets into his middle-elementary years. My dad is a self-employed architect. He used to work for a large corporation in Dallas, but hardly had time to have a life. A life away from work, that is. My mom likes to say that when I was a baby, she would have to show me a picture - AHHHH! my best friend just called! - she'd say that she would have to show me a picture of my dad and say: "Look, there's your Daddy. " Now my brother has the luxury of him coaching his fall baseball teams, and attending soccer practices, and taxi-ing him to karate class and piano lessons. My little brother, Matthew, was born when I was nearing 10 years old. Currently he is seven years old, in second grade. He came as a HUGE surprise, being as how physicians had told my mom that she was infertile. But obviously, as my case proved, they were wrong. He is very active, and shows so much love that I don't know how such a little body can produce it. Right now he's almost infatuated with copying my best friend, Patrick. Speaking of Patrick, I met him in high school. We both attended Health Careers High School, a magnet school in San Antonio. By chance, we've had a few classes together over the years, and, by chance, we only just met each other at the end of senior year. That was largely due to our parent's cooperative involvement in putting together Project Graduation for our senior class, to be held the night of graduation. Actually, we've been aware of each others presence for awhile now, being as how our school is relatively small in size, housing around 1000 students total; around 204 in my class. I didn't get to what I was saying, but I guess I'll leave the juicy stuff for next time. | low | low | high | high | high |
Seriously in my mind right now I have so many levels of thought that I can easily access by simply starting to think about something, Everything runs in these little spurts of thought but once I analyze them long enough they are all working together to form what I think is the cycle of my mind and it all works together simultaneously and perfect as the world is, because everything has its specific purpose. A lot of things that I thought before were just meaningless pieces of metal and serve no purpose in the world are really there for means of our (human) use and that is what they are specifically there for. Everything is for us. Humans. Everything. We utilize this world as it is our lemon and we must make as much lemonade for ourselves as we possibly can. This alternates from being a very good and positive thing to being a terrible and selfish thing that makes us thing that we all must worry about ourselves and no one else matters unless they are aiding us on our rise to the top of the pitcher of our own lemonade, making sure that on one takes any along the way. If someone takes our lemonade, we must simply acknowledge its loss and move on but how much is too much? When and where is the point where the lemonade that is taken is too much and we need it back? But if someone drinks it then we can't get it back, so how much lemonade do we personally owe to others if we are making much more lemonade than they are? Notice please that this lemonade is still very much so a metaphor for what we provide for this world that works specifically for us. Even the controversy in the world is there specifically to get others to be mentally in touch with ourselves and make sure that they know our way of thinking. Controversy evolves from people trying to get other people to think the way that they do. Basically, this is important in deciding which factors of society are more acceptable among a large number of people instead of just one person. The more people widely accept a thought, the more it is thought to be what we think as "normal" but just because a thought isn't in everyone's mind, then why do we think it is abnormal or crazy? In our minds, social situations and experiences have led most to believe that minor variations in behavior are "weird" but this is the main problem with our world. If everyone could just accept everyone for the way they are then no one will be right or wrong and the only controversy will be because. well there will be no controversy if everyone stops being so damn judgmental all the time, please pardon my language but I felt I must stress the importance of the statement. May I please stress it again? Damn, There I did it. There is a flaw in our perfect world and if people are wondering why they may be unhappy that is probably why. They must accept everything for the way that it is and do their best to utilize what they can without being selfish and they must utilize the time that they have in order to make their life the best that it can be. People that are typically unhappy and depressed tend to think that the world needs to be changed but if they stopped thinking like that then they would be happy with the world the way it is and they would no longer be depressed. I see the irony in my statements above because I said simply that we must accept the world for what it is, but here's the thing. I have personally not yet learned to do this because I still see the flaws of judge mentality in our world that I wish to change or eradicate: the fact that people don't just accept the world and people in their "out of the ordinary" state of minds for just the way that it is. Simply put. the way that it is. THE WAY THAT IT IS. If I could understand that then I believe that I will have reached a level of happiness that no one could reach. I am actually much closer to this state of bliss and happiness than I ever thought I could be. I don't think there are any major flaws in our world that I cannot look at with an open mind and. accept, if you will. I say "if you will" because I feel that "accept" may not properly convey what it is that I am trying to express. By accept, I mean. look at something with an inner peace and happiness that yes it exists and it must but why? well who knows and it is okay not to know. I need not know the meaning of everything but I have a deep appreciation for it. There it is. I HAVE A DEEP APPRECIATION FOR IT. I was trying to find the phrase that conveyed my sight of the world. I appreciate the beauty of the world and the diversity among people's personalities and I choose to embrace everyone not hoping that they will change but hoping that they will continue to open the door that is my mind. No one can say they appreciate this until they really feel it. I feel it with everything that I do and I only hope that everyone can at one point or another feel this appreciation for people and not to mention mere intimate objects produced by either nature or a human being himself. Everything is there for our pleasure and we must utilize it to our best capabilities (without bearing harm to others of course, because that is the definite point where a specific line is crossed), and this is simply our duty to the world. | high | high | high | high | low |
well another week of classes has started and I can't wait until this weekend. I just want to relax for a while. there is so much to do during the week. I start on one thing then I have to work on something else. there is like ten million things to do. I am taking these hard classes and I hate them. I have to read a lot of course, but oh well. I have a quiz tomorrow in my Bio 211 discussion class. gosh I hope am ready. I really want to do well. its my first quiz. am going to be nervous. I did study some last night. I am extremely tired because I stayed up late looking over stuff for bio 211. I feel I am not fully prepared. but then I study so hard I go take the quiz and what if I fail. I hate that feeling. I study so much but then my hard work wont pay off. I feel so awful that I cry, I know crying doesn't do anything. but its just you work so hard and you want to do well. I am going to study some more tonight though. I want to go over to jester and go to the learning center for my calculus homework due soon. gosh so much to do today. right now am just tired and hungry. I ate junk food last night. the cafeteria was closed and I just didn't feel like going down to the strip by myself. I just always want someone there with me. I am scared though to walk on the strip by myself. maybe this weekend I will walk on the strip in the afternoon by myself. I want to go look at the stores and just walk and chill out. I am just stalk in this cubicle just putting my head into the books. its like I need to get out get some fresh air. its just am so stressed and I know I got too much to do its like I don't even have 10 minutes to just relax. there is so many things to do on campus and I want to join clubs and get to know some new people. I want to join like the medical clubs and maybe a Persian club. that would be fun. I want to meet some Persian people on campus since I am Persian too. its fun to meet someone from your own culture. you can relate to them and stuff. I just need to get out there and explore my possibilities. I need to join some clubs not just for writing in you resumes but for fun and to learn and explore and also to meet people who are also interested in the same things you are. I want to go to the medical field so I need to join some medical organizations. I am sure there are many of them. I am a biology major and now am thinking to change my major to psychology. I think psychology will be an interesting field. I talked to my cousin who recently graduated from medical school and she said it would be a great idea. I want to do something that I am interested in and like to study. biology is hard but any subject is hard, but now the classes am taking I am just not having fun and its really stressing me out and I want to do something that I will enjoy. and I want to get into medical school. I am sure every person who applies to medical school like probably most of them are biology majors. I don't want to be a biology major. I want to stand out. I want to be different. I also think that if I don't get into medical school then what am I going to do with a biology major besides teaching and maybe working in the lab, but is it really what I want to do? if I don't get into medical school am sure there are many possibilities with a psychology major. I can go to graduate school and such and maybe be come a psychologist. I think that would be more fun and interesting. gosh all am thinking about now is how hungry I am, ha-ha. I didn't eat any breakfast this morning even though I have lots of junk food in the dorm room, that I can eat. I will wait another hour or so to go have lunch with my roommate. my next class isn't until 1230. so I have plenty of time until then. I am going to study some more for my quiz on tomorrow and maybe I will eat something to before lunch, because right now I am way too hungry. I am glad I have some food in here. its not healthy but I am just way too hungry. I want to take a nap too, but am not going to I will try to go to bed early tonight maybe. well see how long it will take to finish up at the learning center. hopefully I can be done by 9 or 930. I am going to leave the dorm around 630 or so, so I can be at jester by 7. I want to finish my calculus homework so I wont have to worry about it that much. I already got enough stuff to worry about and do. I just want tomorrow to be over with. after tomorrow's quiz I think I will be okay. | low | low | high | high | high |
Wow, hell week at the chi phi really put me back. I have homework out the ass. Damn I type really slow. I wish I could type faster. This song I'm listening to wasn't so bad. The next song I don't recognize, oh yea I do , hell yaw this song is great. time sure does go by. Wow this song really fits me maybe I should just roll with it. no more stalling just go and roll with it. May I should just do it. Fine the next time I see Dina I just let her know how I feel. This writing assignment is really making me hate all of those people who type fast. Maybe I should have taken a typing class in high school. Damn this song brings back way to many memories. It always make me stop and think about the girl that I like at that time. Now I'm thinking about Dina, she is just so nice. It just kind of grew and since we started out as friends it's hard to just transition into a relationship. Hopefully the feelings are not all one sided. Well I have plenty of time I see her almost every day. But if I wait too long she will become a permanent friend and I would have lost my chance. She is also my Spanish tutor so then my Spanish will be tied to my relationship. She has so much patience for me though. She can be my sugar momma. Damn I really can't stop thinking about here. I wonder why here phone wasn't working today, I kind of glad though. I need more time to think things out and its not always to do things in the spur of the moment. The tickets I got for the game suck. I can actually spit on the rice fans from my spot. Oh well, I got an extra ticket for Dina, I'm actually glad I could only get one extra ticket. Now here friend can't come with us. I'm felling really anti-social lately. I'm not really hyper or energetic either. And have been sick with a soar throat and stuffy nose. I just want a few days to catch up. This assignment is almost over . I bet almost everyone else has more written then me. Oh well. Hey now. I have too many posters It looks like a kids room in here. I just wish I could concerto | high | high | high | low | low |
So I'm not sure on what I'm supposed to be typing about. What I smell, taste, feel like??? Well I'm chewing gum. I've been chewing it for over like 3 hours now. I hate it when gum starts to get really hard in your mouth. My gum got hard a long time ago. But somehow the flavor is still intact. It's weird though- like with some gum, the flavor is gone after you chew it for like literally 2 minutes. However, I've noticed that Wrigley's chewing gum tends to have flavor for a very long time. There are many pictures on my wall. I stuck all these pics up like 2 days ago. There are pictures of my friends, one of my dog, and one of me and my sis. I don't have one of my family up there. I kind of feel bad in a way. But I don't think it's necessary to have them up on the board. I have a picture of them in my drawer if I ever need to see them. But I think it's better with them in my drawer. Every time I look up at these pictures of all my friends, I miss them like no other. Man, I had so much fun last year, in high school in general. But last year was definitely the best year. Man, me, Caroline, and Shaheen in government and Spanish. Those were some good times. I kind of even miss my teachers. And our elephants and doing SCN all the time. We have so many inside jokes. And although I'm sure I'll see Caroline again, I'm afraid that when I meet her things won't be the same. And for some reason I'm scared of that. I hope I can go to LSU in the spring. Or actually, I hope Caroline can come to Houston for Thanksgiving. Or both would be the best. And we can't forget about going to Europe next summer. I'm so used to traveling with friends because we always went on vacation with Xerx and Zahra. But now with this whole separation thing, I know that our traveling days with the Tegra family are over. Those were some fun trips too. I feel so blessed to have a friend like Xerx. And even Zubin and stuff. People that I've known my whole life. That even know I don't see them too often, when I do, you can tell that there's something there. Like I feel so close to them cause I practically grew up with them and their parents are like my parents. It's a really nice feeling. I'm also blessed for Shenz and the whole family. God, Shenz and Fred really do care about me and Tash like we were their own kids. And just knowing that really means a lot to me. And I hope that mom feels the same way about Zareen cause that would only be fair. So we're talking about fairness in my freshman seminar class and I'm thinking that maybe this class isn't going to be that easy after all. But I love the Professor; we call him Dr. EO. Hahaha, he's really cool. Like I walk into his class and he's like "do you want a drink?" Wow, I was like thinking "what is this?" Oh, and his classroom is in his office which have weird scary looking statues of people's heads. The office kind of reminds me of the The Vinci Code. I don't know why, maybe the whole "Louvre" idea. I always say I hate France and stuff but I really don't. I just think it's kind of funny to say that. But I really don't know why it's funny. But I mean I've said it so many times now that I really think I've instilled the idea into my head. Like I really don't want to travel to France in the summer. But I mean if Caroline wants to, then I really don't care. I think I'm pretty easy going when it comes to life. Like about my grades- I mean if I don't so well in college, what's going to happen to me? I mean, I'm still going to get a job and all, hopefully get into a good grad school. But I mean if for whatever reason I don't, then I think I'll be ok. I mean, it's not like I'm going to die or anything. Plus, if I have my own family then I don't think I'll be able to work and have the kids and stuff. Man, it's a complicated issue. We got a phone in our room, the same one I had in my room at home. But I haven't used it once here. If anything, Jennifer has used it way more than me. Man, I haven't even given anyone the number to this phone cause I don't want them calling in case they call when I'm not here and then have to talk to Jennifer. I'm not sure what I'm more afraid of, them talking to Jennifer or Jennifer talking to them. No, but Jennifer's really cool. But so is Joanna's roommate. Man, I wish I had a roommate like her. Dude, me and Jennifer need to start hanging out more often. But I never want us to have the same friends. John is one of Jennifer's friends. Majoring in Japanese and stuff. Wow, that's cool, especially since he's white and all. I've always wanted to take some random language like Japanese. I don't know, it's like you gain more respect if you fluently learn a language that is so not from where you are. Like me learning a African language and spe | low | high | high | high | low |
This must be the easiest and hardest writing assignment ever. There is nothing easier in a writing assignment when context and grammar doesn't matter, but there's nothing harder when one has nothing to write about. OK, how am I feeling? Hmm. I have a light headache and my contacts are bothering me. Right when I wrote "light" headache, it started to hurt even more. Anyways, in class Pennebaker did this statistical project or what not between people who are afraid of death are more likely to support Bush. Then, people who are more terrified of terrorists are more likely to support Bush. Hmm. I on the other hand, am not terrified of terrorist because I support Bush and feel safe with his leadership. That's how I would see it. If you are not afraid of terrorism, then you must think that Bush is doing a fantastic job with keeping America safe. Oh man, it's only been five minutes and my wrists are already starting to hurt. hmm, maybe I'll just type slower. My eyes are bothering me. Man this really sucks that I can't use the tab button to indent. I don't really want to keep pressing the space button because I am lazy and my wrist hurts. Ok forget any form of organization. I'll just babble about nothing. My eyes are watery. I bet it's due to my stupid contacts. My nose is runny too. Hehehe snot is gross. I wonder when anyone will ever read this. Never. Completion grade. Yay! Ok what am I thinking. I am thinking that I need to think of something so I can type whatever that thing is that I think ok. This is hurting my brain. I bet this is great for my headache. Wow, nine minutes already. This looks pretty lengthy. Ok I am positive that no one will ever read this. I mean who is going to read 300 plus random thoughts. Wow I just felt pressure to make mine interesting and jestful. What if mine is the most boring writing essay. No way, I bet that there's way more boring-er people than I am. I am just so cool like that. hehe no not really. Ok ::sigh:: 11 minutes. Wow. Time just slowed down. Ok I'm out of things to think once again. I rather be sleeping. It's in the afternoon and I just had lunch. I want to take a nap. Like pigs, they take a nap after they eat. I'm a pig. Only one minute has passed. What is this assignment suppose to prove. That class is composed of 300 hamsters in an experiment. Don't get me wrong. I don't mind. I'm in a fishbowl. Who's not a fishbowl? I am getting very sleepy. hehe I just thought of those guys who use a watch to hypnotize someone till they fall asleep and they say "you are getting very sleepy" in this creepy tone. well I feel like one of those guys being hypnotized. yayayaya! only 5 minutes to go! wow this is the best writing assignment ever. this should count for %50 of our grade. it's only fair. ok ok ok what am I thinking? I am thinking that I should be thinking of something to think of. ha that was gay. I'm hungry already and I just ate rice and steak. man I am a pig. I just have a big stomach capacity, I can't help it. headache. snot. itchy eyes. 3 minutes to go. I would be so mad if this whole thing got erased. hmm I wonder what everyone else is writing about. oh no, what if theirs is more articuling and witty. oh well I don't care. I hate competition. ha-ha ut's the best place for that. oh my gosh the count down begins. we have seconds left ladies and gentlemen. After much ado this fun is coming to an end. I must say it has been lots of fun. | high | high | high | high | high |
It's amazing how much free time you have in college. A totally different experience from when I was in my grade school years. Grade school, seems like I was in the 5th grade. It's hard to believe that my high school years were actually my grade school years as well and now I'm in a place of 60,000 people where you're lucky if 50 people know who you are. But with all this free time, it's hard to fill it with stuff to do all the time. Naps are a great way of filling up lots of hours, but you can only sleep so much. I remember laying in bed last night and having a feeling of homesickness even though I only live 20 minutes away and can go home with the push of seven digits. I feel bad for the people who are from small towns a million miles away. Not only are they far from home, but being thrown into the fire that is UT and surviving is a difficult task for anyone, let alone coming from towns 1/30 the size of UT. But I've been enjoying my college experience so far. Being able to sleep late, wake up late, take 3 hour naps, all of it. Not having to sit in a classroom for an hour and half every other day is a major plus as well. Come to think of it, I have no idea how I sat through those days and actually was focused for its entirety. The Xbox is calling my name as I write, taunting me with glimpses of football and shooting. It's amazing how people think that video games are responsible for their child being violent and whatnot. Parents are blaming a series of circuits and programs as the reason their kid is messed up? If people were being better parents, these kids would have better things to do than rot their brains in front of a TV screen. In today's world of money money and more money, it's hard to find time to put aside what is quite important in the world and spending time with the people that matter most. Not that TV's bad. Heck, I watch way too much of it myself, but my parents also ingrained in me the difference between right and wrong and I was lucky enough to be born right before the start of the technological age, so I get the best of what the world has to offered right now but had my values and beliefs ingrained in me before this ever-growingly corrupt world took over. Growingly, is that a word? It's hard to write for twenty minutes straight without going off on a tangent and starting to focus on other things, like the Schlotsky's cup sitting in front of my desk that's been sitting there for a few days and is probably starting to be a safe haven for mold. Speaking of which, there is also a box of fajita toppings that have been sitting in our refrigerator since school started, and yet even though I remember, I still don't get off my butt and throw it out. I keep telling myself that I'll do it when I actually take out the trash but heck, we only take the trash out like, once a week. I remember doing a stream of consciousness writing as one of my creative works in high school for a book we read because I thought that stream of consciousness writings would be really simple. Heck, you just write whatever comes to your head. Not too hard right? But man, I think I've grown up in a very rigidly structured school system and always have to plan stuff out before I actually start writing. So I found myself doing more thinking than writing, trying to find the right words and grammar usages so that my "paper" wouldn't sound like a first grader wrote it. But sometimes that's what a stream of consciousness writing has to be. It doesn't matter if you use fifty letter words or "big," because these writings aren't about the content, they're about collecting your thoughts and putting them down no matter how random they be. I found it funny how when you gave out this assignment and asked if there were any questions, 20 hands shot up in the air. Questions arose like, how many paragraphs? How many words? What's the structure? We grow up in a world of rules, where everything is set out before us and we either follow or be considered a problem child. We spend more time defining the box rather than thinking outside it. Heck, we rarely even spend time thinking inside of it. My dad's friend is starting this school in which they let kids pretty much do whatever they want. They provide guidance but not rules, set boundaries but don't fence the kids in. Their objective is to let the kid develop his or her own self-discipline, not letting some adult develop it for him or her so that when they get out into the real world, they don't curl up into a little ball and hide or rebel and go crazy and not know what they're doing. While I think it's a pretty cool idea, others reject the fact that a school like this exists because people are ingrained with rules, their lives governed by the boundaries of the box. So hopefully, someday, people will be able to think for themselves, that we won't become robots that only exist because God told us we could exist at the time that we do exist. | low | low | low | high | low |
Today has not been a very good day for me. I found out that my roommate is secretly dating my ex-boyfriend behind my back. My friend and I caught them together last night in the courtyard outside of my dorm. This is one of the worst feeling I have ever felt. I am dating a boy right now, but the feelings for my ex have started to resurface. She fully knows that I like him, but she is deceiving me. I was very irritable today and I was rude to a lot of people. I really am not a rude person, I just do not understand why people find it necessary to take advantage of my niceness. I went to Pappasito's last night to pick up some to go food. It is sitting in my refrigerator and I am very anxious to eat it. I already had some chips, salsa, queso, and guacamole today. I love Mexican food. I have a French test tomorrow. This is our second test. I thought I made an A on the last test, but when I got it back I found a much lower grade. It upset me, so I am going to study very hard for this test. Right now I have a 4. 0 at the university, and I want to keep it as close to that as possible. I have noticed while typing this that I never capitalize 'I'. I have gone back and fixed my work at least ten times. I am used to typing informally online, where grammar and capitalization does not matter. My roommate just left for an environmentalist meeting, and I wanted to go read some of her AIM logs. So, I walked over to her computer and was starting to read some when the door started to shake and I thought I heard her key in the door. I was so scared that she was going to come in and catch me. From that experience I have realized that I don't want to be snooping in her stuff anymore. It would not be worth it if she came in and caught me. We already are going to be on semi-bad terms after I talk to her tonight about Chris. One of our good friends thinks that once I talk to her about it she will drop the whole thing. He said that she felt really bad about going behind my back and she knew it was "too good to be true". Oh come on. She met him like three days ago, there is no way she likes him that much. It just hurts me so bad to know that she ignores our friendship and goes after something that she knows will hurt me. Last night our friend talked to her about it and told her that she needed to drop it or else neither of us would talk to her. She told him that she was not sure what she wanted to do because Chris is "special". That is what got to me the most. She is willing to throw away two friendships for a boy she just met like 3 days ago. I am already stressed out enough with school, I do not need roommate problems. This is the reason I do not hang out with girls, they do this sort of thing to each other. My guy friends have never hurt me intentionally like this. When they try to get to me, they use force. Like one time my guy friends all attacked me with pillows. It got frustrating, but I did not get emotionally hurt by it. Girls get you in the worst possible way. Tonight Mean Girls is showing at the Union. I want to go see it so bad because I love that movie. It is so good. I would go see it if I did not have to do all of this homework. I already had a test last week in French, I am upset that there is another one this week. Our teacher also assigns us homework on the night before our test. It is safe to say that we are going to be studying for the test, so there is no need to assign homework. Oh well. I have not done laundry since I arrived here in Austin. I am down to my last pants and shorts. I will probably do some tonight, if I don't get too lazy. I have treated this writing assignment as like a journal. I have a lot of stuff on my mind from this whole roommate thing, so it is good that I could write it all out. It has been kind of hard to keep writing constantly. My hand are getting kind of numb. I think it is because I never use the shift key to capitalize things, and now I have to. Well, my time has come to an end. Time to get back to more homework. | low | high | high | high | low |
Hey you, So far so good, I've got Chem done and don't have to worry about this when I finish typing. wish I could type faster, without the errors too, that'd be great. Like Tony the tiger. Anyways, I'm happy as of the moment. I get to see Anthony today, and any day that that happens is a good day for me. (At least, most of the time) =) I like rings, that was the only thing I could think of. Sometimes when I write, (normally I write letters/notes to people) in this "stream of consciousness ( which is a pain to spell) type of writing. But sometimes I try to be random and that just isn't fair to anyone. I don't like this delete button, (I just don't like the fact I have to use it so much) anyways. I've been waking up on time so far. What has it been, 5 days? dear me, I'll never keep it up, being such not a morning person and all. But maybe I'll adjust, or not. I want internet access in my room, I don't' have it yet, but I will on Wed??? I think. But that ain't soon enough, cause I got calculus homework due by then, and I hate using the library computers or Jackie's. She's such a good friend, what would I ever do without her? no one knows. not even me, or you, whoever you are. Sorry I'm not interesting today, must have picked a bad day. The phrase "academics first" just seems to be such a lie. Cause everywhere you go, it seems that "athletics is first" or at least that's how it is in high school. Where you're AP physics teacher is also the softball coach and miss 1 class every week, (and you only have 2 or 3 classes a week to begin with) anyways. it's a pet peeve of mine. What others do I have? I'm not sure at the moment, I'm not sure about a lot of things though. Anthony is always saying "you don't' know a lot do you?" and it's true, cause when I don't' know, I don't know, and I admit it. I wanted to take that polygraph test yesterday. I always wanted to see if I could beat one. But I can't lie very well to begin with. Can't lie to Mom, Jackie, and Anthony. but everyone else I can pass a few things by. By the way, (there's is nothing to add on to that, it was just what I thought) That's what you get when you assign this type of assignment. but I'm not complaining, I really enjoy it. it lets me think. cause when I think in my head, it doesn't' really work, I still don't know what I'm thinking. but when I write it, then I can at least see what I'm trying to think. My finger nails keep getting in the way of my typing. I must sound like a hick when I talk/type. but that's okay, cause I'm Texan and if that's what it takes to be Texan, then so be it. Damn don't' I sound spiffy. (not really) don't' know why people (Anthony) hates Texas so much. I mean, common on! It don't ever get cold. That's the best part. (well it does sometimes, but not as much as other places) Finish. I type what I read, and then go from there. Can you find the "finish button". Oh, yesterday I had the overbearing urge to watch the "fox and the hound". Why? I don't' know. Don't' care to much either. "Hi I'm Copper!. I'm Todd. " One D or two. I don't' know. Don't' think I care too much either about that. What do I care about? Can't think of anything at the moment, but I'm sure there is something. Anthony, grades. (Anthony's my Boy friend by the way) Look, there's that phrase, "by the way' again. BTW. Blah. that always reminds me of Jackie, (my friend, happy PR chick) "Blah" does. She says it a lot, and now I'm saying it a little more. Hmmm. 2 mins! The brisket will be ready in 1 hour!. sorry that commercial always pops up in my head when I start counting down. Down the hill, over the hill. Where's grandmother? Who knows? I guess I Don't. Do you? Good question. bye for now, farewell. Godspeed. Choa! Bye. ~ME. Oh I didn't know that we could keep going after the ending. I was all prepared to stop and all. Well I'd keep writing, but I'm sure I have stuff to do, and this ain't ever going to be read anyways. so adios amigos!. ~ME Man, I type slow. | high | low | low | high | high |
Well, I'm 18 years old now and I'm in college. So far it has been kind of boring really and I still have not received my math book so that kind of ruins everything. Ok not everything but it's not a good thing and wow 20 minutes is a long time. I want to watch this show on television but I guess I won't so let's see what else I am thinking. The dryer is kind of loud and only 2 minutes have passed since I've been typing nonsense. School is also exhausting. I take naps like everyday and you know I actually like writing about nothing because why? Hmm. Well, because I'm not stuck with a certain topic and I just have to decide what to write about. I would talk about smell but there is nothing exquisite in the air right now if that makes any sense. However, about 1 hour ago I was eating meatloaf that my brother made and it was pretty good but now I'm hungry again because I didn't have much to eat. So I'm thinking of going to Starbucks and getting some delicious Mocha Frappucino. Is that spelt with 1 or 2 "c's". Anyways before I go to Starbucks I may go to the weight room hopefully not the one at UT because I may still have other assignments to attend to and UT is too far of a distance. Man I wonder what time Starbucks is closed. I also want some ice cream. I sure hope that I don't gain the Freshman 15 because that would really suck. I hope that doesn't offend whomever has to read this because I didn't mean to. I sure hope that I learn to manage my time later on or sooner actually. My throat or something hurts and I wish that I could just sleep all day. I hate some of my classes and I hate being in the Gateway Program. It's alright but not what I expected. I definitely didn't expect to take a class for that program but I am stuck in the most boring of boring classrooms. I feel like what am I doing there and can I get out of the program without hurting the Coordinator? Also, when should I try to get out of the program? 6 more minutes to go. what to talk about? what to talk about? Oh yeah, I had a fever last week and I hope that I don't get sick again this year. Another thing about the Gateway program is that I have to go to some social events and that takes time out of my life. I definitely don't know what to do. They like helped me register or whatever and I have to wait 3 hours and 30 minutes on MWF before my last class on those days which is Psychology and I have no idea what to do during that time and I tend to feel drowsy or sleepy during that class. Sorry. 2 more minutes. I'm looking at this sheet and I have no idea what to do with my UT email address and how to get into it. Does that make me dumb? I wonder if I'm even going to get a response for that question. yeah 9 more seconds. | high | low | low | high | low |
well its Sunday night and I'm just chilling in the room. I'm enjoying not having my roommate here. it is so nice to just do whatever without someone here talking and making noise and talking to everyone under the sun on the phone. that's what my roommate does. instead of going out like a normal college student she sits in the room and talks to her parents like a million times a day. I guess whatever floats her boat though so whatever. as long as we are ok with me going out and coming in whenever I want then we have no problems. last night was pretty fun. I went to sixth street for the first time and had my first legal clubbing experience. I kind of got hooked up with this guy that game with my friend so that was fine except he wasn't that good of a dancer because he couldn't keep up with my rhythm but it was fun anyways. the funnest was on Friday when me and Kayla went to the hitching post where the iron spikes were having their recruiting party. we drank and had lots of fun then we got to spend the night at this guys apartment that I met at camp Texas. he was a counselor that I had spent the entire first morning talking to about just whatever. I really didn't think anything of it at the time because I thought it would be like off limits to have any kind of fling with the counselors so I kind of kept my distance. I e-mailed him once school got started just to see how everything was going and see if he still remembered me. he did, which was good. I was hoping he would. I think I kind of like him but I have no idea what he thinks about the whole situation so I'm not going to stress over because it is so not worth it. and plus he is the guy and I grew up in a place where the guy always made the first move so I'm not all about jumping in here with my opinion and try to get something started. maybe that's my problem. when I want something I tend to let it come to me and I just wait around till something happens. maybe I should go after the things I want. speaking of things that I want, I applied to be a Texas lasso. I got a call back today saying that they wanted me to come in for an interview. I was so excited. I have wanted to join something like this ever since I got to campus. they do everything, from socials to community service. I heard about it from the guy that invited me to the iron spikes party this past Friday. he is an iron spike and he suggested I look into it because he thought I would enjoy it. and the lassos do social events and stuff with them so maybe I could be able to hang out with Joe a little more but whatever about that. I really hope I get in to this because I really want to be apart of something and have those group of friends that are in the same position as me that I can always count on to be around for me to go out with and things like that. I have been recently hanging out with Kayla who is one of the girls I met at orientation. we do everything together and she just got into longhorn singers so that pretty much takes up all her social time now. that's why I want to get involved in something of my own so I wont have to sit around my room waiting for a time when she can do stuff with me. that's not what college is all about. its about having fun and enjoying yourself, not sitting around your room all day and only coming out for food or class like my roommate. she is trying to get involved though. she signed up for the rowing team so we'll see how that works out. it seems kind of weird to me but whatever floats her boat. I'm no one to judge. I have got the music on my computer going and the TV so there is all kinds of stuff to keep me occupied while I sit here and type for twenty minutes. I have like five minutes left so that's good because I'm kind of getting tired of typing. tomorrow me, Kayla, and her roommate sheik are going shopping at Barton creek mall! I am very excited about that because I love to shop and I want some big sunglasses. I have seen lots around campus and I want some of my own. I really don't want anything else but u never know once you get going. I'm a big shoe fanatic so hopefully no shoes will impress me because I will buy them and add to the collection in my room. its going to be fun whether I get stuff or not because I just love shopping in general that's why my major is retail merchandising. I will get to shop for a major company like mace's or Nordstrom or even tiffany's. that is my dream. I want to have a base office in new York city and then travel all over buying merchandise for my company. I want to eventually be head person because I don't like being under someone else's control. but I know ill have to start from the bottom which is fine but u better believe I will work my butt off to fulfill my goals and dreams. my parents have been wanting me to come home for a weekend but I think not yet. I don't want to miss anything up here. it is so much fun at college! | low | low | high | low | high |
I just read in Alfred Adler's Understanding Human Nature that a person's psyche and action is driven by an ultimate goal, and that that goal is irreversibly influenced by experiences, emotions, failures, and other memories from childhood. And I consider how closely indeed my present ambitions are tied to my trauma and exhilaration as a young child. Now, I feel the only way I can attain happiness is to create something. To form a tangible pillar of my individuality and soul. I need to see my doubt, anger, passion, fear, fascination, and every substance of my mind materialize. Now, in this search to form and mold the outer world, I turn to literature, to books and stories of others, tales with which I can empathize and understand. My hunger for reading is insatiable. Everything from novels, to scientific articles, to textbooks, to philosophical papers, I want it all. I want to absorb it so that I don't miss an ounce of life. I want to share every shape and substance of time, to reflect on all thoughts before me so that I can mold those after. And in all of this, with all the knowledge, as I absorb the mind of others through their literary creations, I feel great anxiety in that I have not made a contribution of my own. Many projects that I saw as the key to overcoming this inaction and dullness have fallen short. My passions flow like a liquid, undulating and turning over, never constant, never culminating into a final insight or enlightenment. Several novels begun on my own, yet my mind drifts to other settings, other plots and themes, other characters and personalities. I can never immerse myself in the fictitious, because my own thoughts are unstable. The worlds I put on paper dissolve, evaporate and disintegrate into the torrent of my consciousness. I am always looking forward to what I will be, what I could possibly become, my intellect, my insight, my ambition, the materialization of all my passions. And it fills me with great anxiety, dread that the person inside of my my never emerge. And I think back to my early life. My parents. Childhood. When everything rested on today, on that ice cream cone after enduring an afternoon of chores, on that TV show that I've waited for all night. These were simple pleasures, now caught up in the mad flood of responsibility and maturation. It makes me so tired to look forward. To never be now. My parents were demanding. Good grades, a clean room, church attendance, moral infallibility. Always left behind in someone's expectations. Enslaved to your own dedication and attachment. I loved them then. Cherished them. Everything I did was to attain their approval. Then I would dismiss any pleasure if only for a few words of gratitude or a compliment. An ovation of some sort. I need approval. I still do. My father was a loner, and now I am a hermit as well. He never shared his thoughts. Compassion, empathy, conversation, all foreign in the house. I made up games to express myself. My imagination was as abundant as the grown-up books I read. The stuff everyone else hated. The big thick books on science, philosophy and religion. When people were still learning their multiplication tables. Science fiction. Fantasy. Anything that made life a little more exciting and unpredictable. And I wanted to escape. Straight A's, top of all my classes, and only a pat on the back. Still not good enough, because no one would share it. They wanted to play outside, go to the bayou, ride bikes, play in puddles, watch a movie, go to a party, raise hell. I just wanted to be alone. With my books. My imagination. And I've never had a close friend, because I was always so afraid of betrayal. So afraid that I would be cast out, and many times I was, when I just wanted to think. Now I don't know if there is much else than my own thoughts, and there is nothing for them to do but bounce around in my head. I hope for someone who can share my mind. Someone who can relate to life, looking back on it, reflecting, not just living it. | high | high | low | low | high |
Right now I am thinking about the convocation I have in about 45 minutes. But I'll definitely need to leave in around thirty. that boy Michael was really cute. really cute. he is the first nice looking Mexican that I have seen yet. Ok maybe there were a few others but he lives on my floor and he introduced himself. that's one of the things I don't like about this school. no one introduces themselves to each other. it's like everyone only cares about their own lives and won't be bothered by anyone else's. but you know what. I think everyone else wants to meet people too, at least the majority but they just don't know how to go about doing it so they act like they don't care and disinterested or they act like they are much too busy and much too good for anyone else. it's very sad I think. at the beginning everyone is all excited, expecting other people to be really nice and friendly and then they meet the first bitchy person. Now they realize how things work around here and in an effort not to get thwarted and rejected by another person, they too take on the same attitude and on goes the downward spiral. just because we all fear a little bit of rejection. Sad really. that was my friend matt from economics class. He's not really my friend but I sit next to him in class. he seems nice enough and he is going to let me borrow his econ book since mine has not come in the mail yet. I'm going to be so behind in economics. I tell you. I really like that class though. so anyways. I know how this goes because I thought everyone would be nice and friendly but I was met with blank stares when I smiled at anyone anywhere on campus with the exception of a few. A very few. whatever. I am still going to smile and I am still going to introduce myself and be nice because otherwise I will be miserable and unapproachable like those people. ugh. I just put "so anyways" instead of "so anyway" I think that sounds as dumb as "laters" when one really means "later". that is really very jr. high. I miss those days. I wonder how Cindy is doing. ugh. I really don't want to go to the convocation because everyone is just going to be with their own little group and I will be an outcast once again. I'm pretty and nice and outgoing and popular and smart. Damn that sounds really conceited. Maybe I'm a little of that too. I considered erasing a couple of those adjectives but I think that's pretty dumb considering I really do think those things about myself. it's not socially acceptable to think good things about yourself. It's much more appealing to not know any of the good things about oneself. I confess that I too am attracted to ignorance of ones own worth and humility and modesty. But if you know it about yourself I think it is worse to act like you are modest and humble than to just admit it. Within reason that is. so anyway. I am these things but I feel like people don't want to reach out and meet new people and therefore I get shafted. I know they will like me if they get to know me but it's that introducing part that is really limiting. kind of stops the whole getting to know you thing prematurely. I am so proud of myself lately. I am being such a good girl. Although my habit of exercising everyday at 5 has been rudely interrupted with today's events of the five o'clock dinner at Trudy's which was pointless to attempt because I missed it anyway. I should have just gone to work out anyway and not let meetings and such get in the way of my schedule esp. when they are unimportant. I'm really irritated by that. but back to the story. I have been developing such good habits. I make my bed everyday, I wash my face twice a day, I get all my assignments down early or at least I begin them really early. O shit. I just got a little flash of procrastination. That sneaky devil. NO GO AWAY!!!. I'm not going to be a procrastinator this year. I just don't have the time for that. I run every day . Mon-thurs. 2 miles a day. plus I see a few cute boys in the gym that's always nice. kind of a motivating factor. when I get back from the convocation I'm going to go run otherwise my whole system will be screwed up. Damn that dinner. UGH. What else do I do. O yea. I didn't even go out last weekend and I had no desire too. I haven't been drinking. I haven't been too flakey. With the exception of ross but that's quite not my fault most of the time. Anyway we are good terms at the present. I'm being a pretty good daughter. I finished my scholarship applications stuff. what to write about now. I want to write about something cool. No luck. I really want to join the p2 chamber music group but I hope that they allow flutes. Bad flutes in lol. I'm probably really bad by now. I wonder if there is practice rooms around. I need to find one anyway to practice the piano anyway. I thought it would be a lot easier to get guys here. I thought they'd be all confident and just come up to you. And then I would act all shy and innocent. It's just how I act. Natural reflex to wanted attention. Sometimes I think I'm so stupid. And then they would flatter me and ask me out. And I would act like I wasn't really sure. I little bit suspicious of their motives. (and rightly so I imagine) and then I would say ok and give them my number and things would be lovely. well I have to go to the convocation that will steal hours of my life away. see yaw. This has been a pleasant venting experience I tell you. | high | high | high | low | low |
I really need to study for chemistry, but I just remembered that this assignment was due. I would have done it earlier, but my computer has been giving me so many problems. First all these warnings about "you have spyware and adware" started coming up and then it started working really slow--it took 15 minutes to open up the internet!! Then after a while it wouldn't even do that--it just sat there! So I tried to shut it down and it still didn't do anything--but if I tried to start a program, it said "This program cannot open because the system is shutting down. " So I unplugged it and let the battery run out. Computers are so stupid. But I guess we couldn't live without them. I really hope I don't fail this chemistry test tomorrow. I'm really nervous because it's my first real college test and it's also over some stuff that I don't completely understand. My roommate is in the same class as me, but she's at the PCL--she calls it her home because she's there every minute of every day--I don't know how she does it!! Studying for 10 minutes makes me feel like I need a break--she stays there for hours!! She's really sweet though. I so happy I got good roommates (yes--that's plural--I have 3 roommates--I'm in supplemental housing--it's not as bad as I thought it would be) 2 of my roommates are really nice. The other one is kind of weird, but she's hardly ever here--she's always at her boyfriend's house. That's kind of rude to her parents though--I mean--they're paying for her food and housing and she's not even sleeping here. The only thing I know about her is her name really. That's okay though--at least she's not using my computer all the time anymore. When we first moved in she didn't have a Ethernet cord so I said she could do her add/drops on my pc. But then she printed off all her lecture notes for her classes (on MY printer--with MY ink) so at least that's not happening any more. Andy Roddick lost in the quarterfinals of the US Open tonight. That made me so sad--I LOVE Andy Roddick--he has to be the sexiest guy ever! I met him last year and the Tennis Masters Series in Houston and he signed my shirt--me and 3 of my friends had made shirts that spelled out ANDY--he and his coach really liked them!! But I really wanted him to win--he won the Open last year and that was his first so I really wanted him to defend it. Oh well. The guy he lost to was playing really good. He played the same type of game as Andy though. They were calling him a Swedish Andy Roddick, but he'll never be Andy Roddick--he wasn't cute enough. Chemistry and biology are going to kick my butt this semester. I'm not really sure if I want to major in biology any more. I think it might just be too much science for me. I thought I could handle it, but I just don't know anymore. I know majoring in biology will probably help me make a good score on the MCAT, though. I really want to get into med school. I want to be a pediatrician. It's just so much school though. OY! But I think it'll pay off. I really want to do something with kids and I could do that and make money at the same time. I mean--it's that or teaching right? and teaching is definitely NOT on my list of things I want to do. My mom is a teacher and they don't get paid half of what they deserve! She works all the time--sometimes she doesn't come home until after midnight--and she only works with 5th and 6th graders. I mean--it's probably worse with older kids right? I don't know--I just couldn't handle it--I'd feel like I deserved more. Chemistry time. | high | high | low | high | low |
Wow, Its the end of another week ,and finally I get time to relax . My idea of relaxing isn't partying or drinking. My idea of relaxing is sleeping. Yes sleeping for long hours with nothing on my mind, is my favorite hobby. My roommate is reading what I'm reading so I had to halt before I continued typing. There's another friend in my room and he's laughing at what I just wrote. He shouldn't be reading other people's thoughts! Wow 3 minutes over already. I got 17 minutes left . I'm just feeling really light right now. Light in the head. I can't think of anything to write. This is supposed to be a spontaneous writing assignment. It's definitely better than the other assignments where you have to prepare drafts and correct mistakes over and over again. Tomorrow's Saturday and Saturday means another football game for UT. I couldn't go for the first game, because I didn't have the football package and the tickets cost a lot out of the package. My roommate is making me listen to one of her songs right now. So basically I'm doing two things at a time-typing and listening to music. Some people can study with music playing, I still haven't tried studying with music playing in the background. Maybe I should try it out sometime. I think it is important to knock before you enter a room. But that just doesn't happen in Jester. One of my friends just barged in, and I jumped in my seat. This is crazy. I should tell him not to do that again. I'm not that fastidious actually. But certain things annoy me. The things that would annoy me would actually annoy any normal human being, so I know I'm not a freak. I have to call my mom tonight and tell her about the week's events. It's been a great week. My chemistry test went well. I really want to maintain high grades throughout the semester, so I can get some kind of scholarship. I don't want my father to pay so much for my education. He doesn't grumble or anything, but I just feel guilty. I know that I have to work extra hard because I have been given a wonderful opportunity to study in a great school like Stand I must make good use of this advantage I have over other people. I'm loving it here. I came to America exactly a month ago. Wow I should be celebrating today. It's been a month in the United States. This stupid friend is irritating me, Wish I could ask him to leave, I can't concentrate on my thoughts. He's asking me why I type with just two fingers. God. I'm going to tell him to mind his own business. I better change the topic . Or he might read this ,and get annoyed and abuse me or something. Yeah but making friends has been tough. I haven't made too many friends. My roommate is my best friend as of now. I couldn't have asked for a better roommate. We just get along really well. Today at Chemistry class I met another Indian girl. She was from Houston . She was basically an ABCD -American born confused Desk. Desk refers to Indians Ok my 20 minutes are up so I'm going to sign off now. I'm going shopping with my friend Rashmi, right now. I'm going to the Target store. Then I've got to come back and do my laundry. Ok. I'm going. Bye. Writing this assignment has been great. Thank You | low | low | low | high | high |
Well, I suppose I should think of a topic to write for 20 minutes. It is a mystery to what kind of issue or topic the professor wishes me to explore. I know he says to just type what I think, but the topic is so broad there are an infinite number of paths and possibilities to explore. What exactly is the professor trying to look for in this writing experiment. It can't be the simple fact to see if a person is capable of typing for 20 minutes. My mind currently draws a blank at what I should write about. Perhaps my first impressions of college as a freshman? Well so far, I think I'm still getting used to the fact that I am living on my own, and I do have a greater sense of independence from my parents. However, there are responsibilities I like and dislike having. Wow, it's only been around 5 minutes since I started. I really doubt I am capable of typing about no specific topic for a whole 20 minutes. Now I am thinking if I am required to type for the whole 20 minutes, or if I can simply hit the finish button when I have finished this stream of thought. Earlier, I started to complete a few experiment requirements. The prescreening requirement was not available, which is kind of depressing since it seemed like an easy 1. 5 hr worth of experimental credit. I hope it becomes available later. Now, my mind continues to draw a blank with nothing to write about. Honestly, I'm watching TV while typing this assignment, hoping to pass the time a little faster. It doesn't seem to be helping much though. It's strange when you try to force yourself to type about anything, nothing comes out. Not just nothing good, but ABSOLUTELY nothing! Well I'm nearing the 15 min mark, and I seem to have less and less to write. I wonder how long other people's assignments will be. Perhaps most will be longer than mine, but maybe not. Some soul must be just as stuck as I am. | high | low | low | low | low |
I'm glad I'm doing this assignment right now, I can't wait until Friday so I can get hammered That's the guy that was eying me like I was going to steal something it's kind of hot outside I wonder if I should change before we go to Bennigins tonight. Did I spell Bennigan's right? I hope I did the second time. Young Buck is a good lyricist. It's too bad he doesn't get that much shine. I feel like I'm going to get Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from all this typing. General, I salute. Lloyd Banks is good too. Damn, It's already seven o'clock and I'm just barely getting started on homework! This running nose sucks. I picked a hell of a time to do this. I don't know why I get sick so often. I'd be great if I had health insurance. Why is that fool looking at me like that. What does he think I'm going to do? He just doesn't know. Damn my muscles are so sore and I'm so tired. I got a good workout today. I like to reflect on my day towards the end, It's just what I do. Shit what the fuck do I do now? I lost track, but now I'm back on track like a train. The Little Engine that Could is what you COULD call me. LOL that was so lame! Why is Ben laughing? I don't why I'm writing the dumbest shit. I'm pretty smart. I must be, I got into UT. Hook 'Them Horns! Get off the phone! Stop talking. What's up? What's up? What's Up? Martin! They don't know me up in here. Who do you love? I love myself. I got sunshine on a cloudy day, when It's cold outside, I got the month of May. Too bad it's on September. Just two more weeks and I turn 20. That's going to be crunch, yaw know. Hell yeah! My nose is stopping to run. There are a lot of hot girls in my Psych class. Shit, there better be, there's fucking 500 plus people in that class. Why do people look at me funny. I think it's the way I dress. Just thuggin it up. Oh hold up dog, you better let me in. Fuck that let's get in started come on, let's begin. I don't even know what to say next. I smoke everyday because I stay stressed. And stay dressed, fly fresh to death, head to toe until the day I rest. Just give me some air forces and fitted hat to match matter of fact give me two of those with a white new era, now who dares to. Even approach me. I'm known in the ATX, but in H-Town it's locally, express myself vocally cause I fight with words I ain't the one wild in out stay tight on curbs swerve right in burb, high like them birds. I'm feeling kind of lucky, you could call me Larry, you call me anything. Homie I don't ball with jokes so you could me anything, just don't call me broke. Most hated M to the is-h phenomenal get up and get straight in your abdominal I'm warning you, stop your blood clot, and keep your mouth shut, stop talking shit you don't know what I'm about OK now I'm back, used to be little, but now I'm stacked like change on the dresser and spot the fakes, the streets is like a jungle you got to watch these snakes, cause they'll come up and bite yaw, act like they like yaw, pour gasoline on yaw then ignite yaw, start the fire, just like Banks, my pockets fill with money just like Banks and dating girls who model, just like Banks | high | high | high | low | high |
Hi, I'm sitting here in the computer lab at the FAC, and it is dark outside and I'm a young attractive female. . I'll definitely need an escort when it's time to go home. Home, that's what I call my dorm these days. it's just easier for me. I want to have some established place to live and stuff that way I'll be more plugged in to the university lifestyle. I used to laugh at LT when she called her dorm home. I guess I am following in her footsteps. although her strides are quite different from mine. and talking of strides, I miss cross country and all the guys. it was so much fun. I enjoyed every moment of it without even knowing it. I wish I could rewind back to those days when everything was so nice, so quarantined and all the laws of nature followed as they should. what went up came down and so on. I wish I could just see the fruit of my hard work as I did in cross country. the family atmosphere that I ridiculed and even took for granted at times. how could I have been so? I who loves others, I who cherishes all my friends. they were all my friends, all 23 of them. some more than others, but we all had that common goal that I find characterizes friendships. we were a sister hood. gosh, what a mourner I am, lamenting over the past. but they were good times. I'm sure, and I hope to God that I'll have some more good times or even better than ever times still to come. but this I can only hope that God gives me. For who knows tomorrow may never be. perhaps this is all I have. I'm not afraid though, just not prepared to meet my maker yet. I don't think I've done what I was purposed to do. therefore I'm not ready to go yet. in fact,,, I don't even know what it is that I was purposed to do. perhaps it is not a single great thing, perhaps it is just all those little things that I should be doing that I was purposed to do. who knows? who cares but me and my maker? Anyway, I guess that's life, not figuring out what one was purposed to do but just doing it. I guess it just comes naturally as all things in life do. I don't think planning is such a great idea. I don't think MLK planned to lead the civil rights movement when he was a freshman in college. I guess the civil rights found him and appointed him leader. or so I guess. and whatever it is that I'll need to do will find me and use me for what I am worth. when put that way, it sounds almost prostitution. but it cannot be. mankind is not a prostitute race. or is it. I don't know. sometimes I think it is . other times I think it is a dignified race. but then again to think mankind a dignified race is to give it too much adoration. too much more than it deserves. Mankind is a fallen race. lower than the angles -which we should have been higher than. but then again mankind is a dignified race made in the image of God with the ability to tap into the supernatural/the unknown unlike any other creature. There is no intelligent life in other planets, we are it. Now, I don't mean to say there is no other life forms out there, but that it is not more intelligent or even as intelligent as mankind. but then again what do I know? I who was born only 18 years ago? I don't know much, but then again, I have know a lot more than I credit myself. I have the ability to tap into the fountain of knowledge that never runs dry. there are things, great mysteries, that I knew even before I was born. but how is this?. oops my 20 minutes are up and that popup really disrupted my stream of consciousness!!!! what an ass! | high | high | low | low | high |
well I'm sitting in the library doing the writing assignment for psychology class. This is really fun. I just finished writing down my notes for astronomy class because I have a quiz in there on Thursday. I went home this past weekend. Nothing really exciting happened. I visited with my family for memorial day. My cousin was nominated for homecoming queen. Wow. Not. Anyway yeah. I'm back now. It was weird having to pack to go home. I saw a movie over the weekend, wicker park was the name of it. It was really good. I thought that it wasn't going to be that good but I really liked it, it was a love story and I'm always a sucker for those. well the time is going by really slowly. I want to get back to my room so I can watch my favorite TV show of all time. Big brother. it's almost over so it's getting exciting. I don't think I spelled that right. O well. This is the easiest assignment I think that I've ever been assigned. Wow. 20 min is a really long time. I still have 15 more minutes to go. ummm. I've been in the library a really long time. And I still need to finish the pre-screening survey for this class so I can get experiment credit. I'm really tired. My friend Jennifer is sitting next to me. She already did the assignment. I wish I was in my bed right now. I'm always tired these days. I'm liking college so far. I miss home sometimes and it seems like I miss it at the weirdest times but I think I'm adjusting pretty well. At least I think so. I left my medicine at home so I'm having trouble breathing. But my mom is sending it to me so I can feel better soon. I have to go to a UT football game for an assignment in my freshman seminar class but I didn't buy a sports package which by the way I think is the stupidest think I've ever heard of. I think if you're a student then you should be able to get into the game for free but what do I know. Anyway so I need to find somebody with an extra ticket that they want to give me. um I like all my professors except my freshman seminar prof. He picks on me because I'm quiet and I don't talk much. I hate when teachers do that. It really bugs me . I like listening to people talk. O man I still have 8 min to go. Blah blah. um a little while ago this guy was sitting next to me and he kept farting. It smelt so bad. Luckily he left because I don't think I would have been able to take it much longer. well now I can't think of anything to write so maybe I'll sing a song. "on Monday I'm waiting, Tuesday I'm fading and by Wednesday I can't sleep. Then the phone rings I hear you and the darkness is a clear view because you've come to rescue me". That was Ashley Simpson. I like her because she has the same name as me even though she doesn't spell it the right way. That's ok I guess I can forgive her. I like her sister, Jessica, too even if she is a dumb blond sometimes but at least she's herself unlike so many other people I know that try to copy what other people do and they can't come up with a unique thought if their live depended on it. Well I only have 3 minutes left. Thank goodness. It seems like I've been typing forever. Well my hand are getting tired of typing and I keep misspelling stuff so I have to keep on pressing the backspace button and I'm really tired. I've already said that but that's all I can think of right now. My eyes keep wanting to close. Good only one more minute and then I'm going to go and take a nap. O wait I can't. I have too much reading to do. That's all I do these days is read, read, read, and then I read some more. bye | low | low | low | low | high |
WELL, I FINALLY GOT TO MY WRITING FOR PSY. I HAVE BEEN AT HOME DURING THE LABOR DAY WEEKEND. I MISSED MY FAMILY SO MUCH ESPECIALLY MY DOG MENO. I REALLY DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE. I ACTUALLY WANT TO GO HOME RIGHT NOW. I HAVE TODAY OFF. MY CLASS IS NOT UNTIL 3:30 PM AND THE CLASS IS BIO 212. MY BIO 212 PROFESSOR IS PRETTY FUNNY EVENTHOUGH I ONLY UNDERSTAND HIM HALF OF THE TIME. THE FUNNY THING IS HE LECTURES BETTER THAN MY BIO 211 PROFESSOR. MY BIO 211 PROFESSOR REALLY CANNOT LECTURE AT ALL. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF HIS MOUTH. I REALLY DO NEED TO UNDERSTAND HIM OR ELSE MY EXAMS WILL BE EXTREMELY HORRIBLE. I HAVE A HUGE HEADACHE RIGHT NOW. I'M WATCHING SOAPS RIGHT NOW. I'M WAITING TO WATCH ALL MY CHILDREN. RIGHT NOW I'M WATCHING PORT CHARLES WHICH BROKE OFF OF GENERAL HOSPITAL. RIGHT NOW ALISON IS LOCKED IN JAIL. EVERYONE THINKS SHE KILLED HER BEST FRIEND FATHER BUT IN REALITY SHE REALLY DIDN'T. ALISON IS A PERSON THAT IS SWEET AND INNOCENT AND CAN NEVER KILL ANYONE. THE PERSON THAT REALLY KILLED OR HURT ALISON'S BEST FRIEND LIVIE IS A WOMAN THAT DIED 300 YEARS AGO. SHE HAS BLACK MAGIC. SHE CAME OUT OF THE PICTURE. IT IS REALLY FUNNY. KNOW WONDER THIS SHOW WAS CUT OFF OF ABC. IT'S ABOUT MAGIC AND VAMPIRES. WOW I CAN'T BELIEVER I HAVE ONLY BEEN WRITING FOR 9 MINUTES. 20 MINUTES FEEL SO FAR AWAY. I JUST SIGNED UP FOR THE PRESCREENING SURVEY. I WONDER HOW THAT WORKS. YOU KNOW I HAVEN'T GONE SHOPPING IN A LONG TIME. I MISS IT. THE MALL DOWN HERE REALLY SMELLS AND IS PRETTY OLD BUT THEY HAVE ALL THE STORES I LIKE. LIKE BEBE, BEBE SPORT, WHITE HOUSE AND BLACK MARKET, NORDSTROM. I MISS MY GALLERIA IN DALLAS. I USUALLY GO SHOPPING ONCE A WEEK BUT NOW IT HAS BEEN A MONTH SINCE I HAVE GONE. I CAN'T BELIEVE MY BROTHER IS STILL SLEEPING IT IS LIKE ALMOST 12 IN THE AFTERNOON. SPEAKING OF MY BROTHER. HE AND HIS GIRLFRIEND AND MYSELF OF COURSE WAS SPEAKING ABOUT OUR FUTURE CAREER LAST NIGHT. I REALLY DON'T KNOW IF PHARMACY IS REALLY THE WAY I WANT TO GO. I LIKE IT JUST BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL THAT LONG AND IT MAKES GOOD MONEY, BUT I DON'T KOW IF I REALLY AM GOING TO ENJOY IT. I WISH I COULD FIND SOMETHING IN UT THAT WOULD POP OUT AT ME. I WANT A CAREER THAT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY AND MAKE GOOD MONEY. I WISH I HAD A DREAM THAT WOULD TELL ME WHAT IT IS THAT I WOULD DO IN THE FUTURE. I WISH GOD WOULD COME INTO MY DREAM AND TELL ME THAT THIS IS THE PATH YOU ARE TAKING TO THE FUTURE. WOULDN'T THAT BE NICE TO KNOW. I REALLY WANT TO FIND THE RIGHT PATH TO MY FUTURE. I DON'T WANT TO WASTE HALF OF MY LIFE ON SOMETHING I WILL HATE IN THE FUTURE. HOPEFULLY SOMETHING WILL TRIGGER ME SOON. I AM STILL WATCHING SOAPS IN A COUPLE OF MINUTES ALL MY CHILDREN WILL BE ON. WOW I ONLY HAVE ONE MINUTE LEFT TO WRITE. I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD SO MUCH TO SAY. IT REALLY MAKES ME FEEL BETTER JUST TO SAY EVERYTHING ON MY MIND. | low | low | high | high | high |
I'm still trying to figure out why I always procrastinate. I think I like to work under pressure, I have a philosophy paper due in a couple hours. I wonder if this class is going to be hard, or easy as long as you read and listen. I hope the second because I have never been one to study, and I would prefer not to now. why do people go home on the weekends? I thought that was what college is all about, going out on your own, more independence. calculus is going to be difficult this semester, I can already tell I'm going to have to do the homework in there. microecon shouldn't be too bad, I already covered most of the material in high school. if there's one thing in life I want to accomplish it is to understand what girls think, and what they mean by what they say or by their actions. I'm hoping this class well help me in that pursuit. its like you could be best friends, always hanging out have a great time, and think there's something there, but she just is gone for a while then. I'm still interested in this sleep deprivation thing. I read that some guy did an experiment on himself and stayed awake for over a hundred hours. after that everyone he saw he thought was Satan or the grim reaper or something like that. I think that would be an interesting experience to have, hallenacion and what not. I hope bush wins the election, although my family is die hard republican, I am more agree with things from both sides, with a slight lean to republican. I just believe bush will do a lot better job than Kerry, and the whole Vietnam thing I just don't was right. its funny how people can overreact and stereotype. there is currently a couple of bills in congress trying to resurrect the draft for military and civil service. while I don't know everything about it, I was looking over it and it appears to be supported by democrats. and the people I heard about it from were complaining that bush was the one that is trying to do it. I just hate it when people don't get their facts straight before they try and argue things, it just makes them look stupid. poker is a fun little game. I wish I could play it more often. trying to read people, and make decisions based on their actions and words. I wish I could find a girlfriend. there are many beautiful girls down here, but I don't know about some of them. there was this awesome beautiful girl at home, but I don't really know what happened there, I guess that goes back to understand what is going on in a woman's brain. I realized 20 minutes is a lot longer than you think it is, or maybe it is just appearing to be longer because I am thinking about how long it is, or I'm not doing an activity I find to be exciting. figuring a person out by the music they listen to is a fun activity. its hard because some people listen to all types of music. coffee is a life saver, going to sleep at 4 or5 then having class at 8 the next morning is not fun, I'm surprised I woke up for it. I missed class the other day when I slept through it and it was at 12. that's just strange, getting up at the 8 one, but oversleeping the 12. I wonder what the real world has in store for me, no more school and someone there to help. but as one professor I met said, remember these days, these are heaven. because after school you are going into hell. which I would agree with although I haven't experienced life after school, but I think it will be hell. | low | low | low | low | low |
There's a picture of the two of us up on my bulletin board. It's right behind my computer where I can see it when I'm working. I look at that picture and remember my past. I remember a time when I thought that things were different than they really are. I don't think anymore that it was anyone's fault, either hers or mine, that is. I respected her so much though, and it hurts to be let down by someone you think so highly of. In the picture, I look so innocent and young, in my white cheerleading skirt, and the royal blue shell with Eagles written across it. Her arm is around my shoulder, and she's holding her sunglasses in her hand. I recall that she had just taken them off before we took the picture. There are people in the background behind us, and the gym is visible. I remember how beautiful the day was; it was so crisp and blue and wonderful. It's hard to tell, and I've wondered many times, what exactly she was thinking when we took that picture together. When I look at the face, the eyes especially, sometimes I see something warm and trustworthy. Other times I'm sure I see something sinister and strange. I don't know why I still struggle with this issue so much. I've never really gotten over it. I went into this assignment knowing that I wanted to write about Carla because in class, I heard something said about how writing about something can change your opinion or the way you look at something. Well, it is true that I'm noticing things about the picture, minute details, that I didn't pay too much attention to before. But her face and her eyes are still an enigma to me. I can't explain in words how much I want her to care about me, to love me, and to think I'm something special. I want to tell her everything that I've done today and yesterday and since I arrived here. But she's back home, and I'm here, and there's something ominous to me about writing her an email. I don't know why. I miss her so much. She was there when I really needed someone. I see now more and more, that this was mostly situational. It's not like she planned to be in that room when my whole world fell apart. But she was. And she told me how to get through it, and she cared. More than any person has ever cared about me on this earth, at least that I'm aware of. The picture is truly beautiful, even though it's more than 5 years old. The light is in our hair, coming from behind, and our faces are bright and illuminated. The beauty of the day is apparent. I just feel like something needs to happen between us. There was never any closure for me, or continuation. Our relationship just sort of drifted off and never returned, and now I don't know where we are. I saw her by chance before I left for college at church because we are making a new church pictorial, and her family happened to be getting their pictures done on the same night as our family. I was very surprised to see her, and I know my heart skipped a beat. I hadn't seen her in such a long time. probably since before school let out for the summer. The truth is, I was a little bit upset with her for not being around. But she was nothing but warm and kind to me. I don't know why she always does that. I see her, and it's like I'm the whole world. But then when we're apart, I don't hear a peep. I don't understand our relationship sometimes, and it's very hurtful to me to analyze her possible motives. Anyway, she hugged me, and touched me, and stood close to me, and made me promise to keep in touch when I'm gone. She even promised to make me some chili or something when I come back and come over to her house. I fear that that's an empty promise, like so many of the others. But at the time, it was easy to believe her. I really think it's something to do with her eyes. You have never seen anyone with such power behind their gaze. She is so earnest with her eyes, but so untruthful with her actions. It confuses me to no end. I don't even know why I brought the picture with me, or why I decided to place it in such an obvious place where I can always see it. But I did. I guess my hopes die hard. I still hope that maybe she really does care about me. Maybe she really does think I'm special. Maybe, she does even really love me. I don't know what to believe. I think maybe this evening when I have some time to myself, I'll write her that email that I've been meaning to. I think maybe I could even get up the courage to be totally honest with her, and get everything out in the open. Well, maybe that's a little too unrealistic, but maybe I can begin to open it up for discussion. I think it would be very good for me to do so. I want to know what's really behind those eyes. I've got to know about the truth. I really desire to understand the enigma. My dear Carla. | high | high | low | high | low |
Here I sit wondering just what to write that involves my stream of consciousness, which shouldn't be too hard. Writing for me is usually pretty easy, however this assignment seems to be particularly hard. Maybe because I feel partially tired and torn down from my long day. I am looking forward to tomorrow because Thursdays are probably my easiest days because I will not have to wake up at the usual 9am and oh yeah it is also one day closer to the weekend! Although I have to say that 9am is also a lot better than 8am, which was time I had to arrive at school during my high school days. Since high school just popped into my mind, I have to say that college is a major leap from high school. Despite the fact that it is more enjoyable it also is a lot more stressful. For instance, leaving your family, friends, and so forth behind. Not to mention your adolescence. I am happy to say that the transition for me has ran pretty smoothly although the major bumps are yet to come. One of my "bumps" that I am experiencing is the massive amount of reading involved, at one point I enjoyed reading but maybe that is because the reading is not usually my preferred choice. Another obstacle is that it it is your choice whether to read or not, in fact it is just another realization that I am out in the real world and everything is based upon my choices. I find that very scary, yet also very exciting in a positive way because I can make my future what I want it to be. | low | high | high | high | low |
I am sitting in my room watching the sandlot. Alessandra, my roommate is here too. She's getting ready to go home for the weekend. Shelley and Liz are both going home to. They offered me a ride, but I'm not going to go because I went home last weekend, and I don't want to go home two weekends in a row. Although I would really like to see Jordan, my boyfriend. He's at work right now and I'm waiting for him to call. The sandlot is on the part where Benny decides to jump the fence and get the baseball back from the neighbors yard. I've seen this movie a thousand times, the next thing to happen will be the dog chasing all the boys all around the town. This is probably one of my favorite baseball movies. My favorite of all time is definitely Field of Dreams. I always cry in the end where Kevin Costner's character plays catch with his dad. They didn't get along when he was younger and he never got to say that he was sorry for everything before he died. My dad and I have been getting along a lot more lately than we have been, I know that I would regret it if I just gave up on us getting along and said fuck it, so I'm glad we are at least trying to work things out. He apologized to Jordan this weekend for all the things he said to him this summer. Jordan came over and they had a talk on the back porch. I stayed inside and folded laundry because I felt awkward and tense about the whole thing. But apparently it went alright. I need to talk to my dad and tell him that I appreciate him doing that. I forgot to before. Actually, I just realized now that that's something I need to do. Probably should have said it earlier. I hope I didn't hurt his feelings. Oh well, like I said, I felt awkward about the whole thing in general. Which reminds me of a funny awkward moment I had today. I was at the Union with Shelley, and I went to the bathroom. Another girl was going in just as I was, and this made my shy bladder act up. She went into one stall, I went into the other, and I just couldn't go. Well, she wasn't going either, apparently, so we both just sat there for about a minute. I was trying hard to relax and finally I peed a little, but then it stopped. So the girl pees a little, and I pee a little more, but I still can't go all the way. I guess she gave up, because I heard the toilet flush and she left, so I was finally able to go. I went back to Shelley and told her the story. We were cracking up in the quietness of the Union 3rd floor. We started talking about Alex's engagement (again), which I feel guilty about because I am usually not the type to gossip, but it's hard to avoid talking about it. Before I saw Alex's ring (which is her grandmothers, Joe did not buy it), Shelley told me that it was 1. 7 carats, which is pretty impressive, but then I saw it, and looked at it closely, and it's not that great. Its color isn't that good, and it has a gigantic flaw in the side which I suppose Alex either hasn't seen or is just pretending that she can't see it. Jordan just called and I told him I need to call him back in eight minutes. Anyway, Alex is being really unrealistic about the whole engagement, wedding thing. She wants to get all these diamonds and a new setting for her ring, and she's looking at dresses that are 30,000 dollar, designer dresses, and the whole thing is just like a little girl planning some fantasy wedding. She doesn't seem to realize that the average middle class family can't afford something like that. But who knows, maybe her parents have more money than I think. Also, I don't know how seriously her parents have been taken her engagement. She's only been with Joe for about two months. I can hardly think about my future with Jordan now, and I definitely couldn't have thought about it after two months. The only thing I can say is that if we're still together when I graduate, I'll probably marry him. But I find myself thinking a lot that I want to be single, and I want to do all these things like travel and study aboard and maybe live in New York, and if someone is going to hold me back from those things, then I have to wonder if that's the person from me. I love him so much, but I also feel like I might be holding on to him because he's my first love and all that. He's such a great person though, I hope no matter what happens, that he will always be in my life. I just don't want to break his heart, or have my heart broken. I hope when it stops working, it just stops working for both of us and we can still be friends. Well, I have ten seconds left, so I think I'm going to call him now. | high | high | high | high | low |
At 855 I should be done writing this paper!!! I am so excited that I get to go home and see my man today. So my body really hurts right now but I feel great because I have worked out every day for like the past week and now I think I am addicted to working out. it gives me such a rush and whoa!!!!! someone just slam their door and it scared the hell out of me. I hat when people slam their doors it is so frustrating. We have designated quiet hours in the dorm AND THERE THEY GO AGAIN!!! no one ever follows those quiet hours lalalala I really feel like dancing I think it would be cool it is funny how my typing can't keep up with my thoughts so in essence all I can think about it the typing of this paper and how sad it is that I have to do it for 20 minutes which I originally thought would be a short period of time but I look at the clock right now and it says 420 which means it is time to smoke. Lol that is if I smoked weed which I don't I actually find that to be so stupid. why do you have to smoke or drink anything to feel good about life. Sounds like a lame excuse of trying to cover some sort of problem you have. psychology is such an interesting major. I just got to find a minor for rotc and actually rotc seems, surprisingly, like it will be a lot of fun! I am so ready to prove to myself and to everyone else that I can cut it I just hope I maintain my GPA and can be like what now! I love the idea of pushing myself to achieve something because once I finish it is the best feeling kind of like the "high" I get when I exercise I need to call my mom and tell her to pick up some water at that case lot sale I am excited to be going home to see my b/f but I really don't want to see my family that is probably the one thing I don't miss all that arguing I can't wait to graduate from college one thing that scares is me is my relationship with my man. he is older I know and I do love him or at list I think I love him and I would never want to hurt him , but I am scared about settling down after college for so many years I saw college as being the perfect time to party and meet boys, but now it isn't like that I LOVE TO FLIRT but I have someone that cares about me and that I care about but I just don't know to I want to settle down with someone that doesn't even have a high school diploma. I'm scared he's going to end up using me or something stupid like that. I know that is mean but so far he doesn't keep his promises to me and he lies and I pay for EVERYTHING but it doesn't matter he will pay me $200 I think I have spent over $1000 on our relationship. Going out to eat and the movies and just things like that and it sucks. Oh well that is life goodness this is the longest 20 minutes of my life I am starting to get typer's cramp. Is that possible? well staring at this screen sure isn't helpful at all!! I am so hungry and want to go downstairs and get food but first I have to wait to finish this paper THEN I got to go get my laundry and put it into the dryer so this could take awhile. I wonder what I'm going to wear I want to wear my brown shoes but do I have anything natural colored to go along with it I have my green shirt my stripped one is dirty hmm I really should look would white go ummm I need to paint my toenails!!! I can so do that when I get back from eating actually I think naw I do them when I get back look only 3 and a half more minutes I think my roommate is back nope someone else I wonder where she is because her class got out at 9 but normally she comes back early. I really hope I make the crew team I think that would be so cool. I want to make a team And feel special just something else to tell myself that I can do it everyone keeps saying because I am tall but it will be a whole new experience because I know nothing about the sport man I need to brush my teeth what can wear damn I got to remember my list to take home call the court got to ad that to the list so many things to do this weekend I think I'm going to take summer courses yay! almost finished 3. 2. 1 | low | low | low | low | high |
I am sitting in my room and I look around to see my roommate and my boyfriend. Trying to make my train of thought come to me so I can type it. All I can think about is all my boyfriend's theories about life and his many different issues. He believes in "Boxism", he was a little out of it when he thought of this, were everyone was born in a box which was placed in a bigger box, hospital room, which is part of a bigger box, the hospital hall, which is placed into a bigger box, the whole hospital building itself. Then he goes on to state that we are then taken home and put in a box, the crib, which is in a box the room, part of the bigger box the whole house. After this we go to school and the classroom becomes our box after we graduate we our placed in our dorm room box and walk from class to class or box to box. After we finally manage to get a job our cubicle or office which then becomes our box. Then he goes on that when we die they dig a box and put you into a box. My boyfriend's theory always brings a smile to my face as I remember when he first told me this. Wow, that only took me ten minutes. I look around my room and see all my pictures and think about going back to high school, I believe that those are some of the best times in my life. My class was very small and we all got to know each other very well. I have always been told that college is the best time of you life but it will take a lot to compete with high school. I hope it becomes the best time of my life. I have already come to enjoy it and have become adapted to college life. I love being able to do whatever I want when I want to. I hope these next few years will become the best years of my life. | low | high | low | high | high |
I REALLY ENJOY THIS CLASS. I CAN GET INTO IT AND NOT BE BORED LIKE MY OTHER CLASSES. THE CLASS THAT I HATE THE MOST IS MY CHEMISTRY CLASS BECAUSE I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE TEACHER AND I SONT UNDERSTAND THE SUBJECT. MY MAJOR IS NURSING AND PRE-MED. I REALLY HOPE I CAN GET INTO MEDICAL SCHOOL SO I CAN BECOME A SURGEON. MY ROOM JUST LEFT TO HER LAB CLASS. HER NAME IS KATRINA BUT I CALL HER KAT. SHE'S SO AWESOME!! WE BOUGHT A FISH TOGETHER ON MONDAY. HIS NAME IS SENIOR SOL. OKAY!?! THIS THING JUST WENT BACK SO I CLICKED FORWARD ON THE WEB BROWSER AND MY INFORMATION WAS STILL HERE, BUT MY TIME STARTED OVER SO THAT SUCKS!!! I'M KIND OF WATCHING TV AND DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT AT THE SAME TIME, BUT MOST OF MY FOUCUS IS GOING INTO THIS. I REALLY MISS MY FRIENDS!!! ESPECIALLY THE FAB FIVE!! EMILY, LAURA, MIGUEL, ARON, AND SOID!! I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!! I TALKED TO EMILY YESTERDAY ONLINE AND SHE'S ROOMING WITH LAURA AT SMU AND SHE TOLD ME THAT LAURA IS GOING GREEK AND IS STARTING TO ACT LIKE A BARBIE DOLL!! I WONDER IF AS SOON AS I GO HOME IF ME AND HER WILL STILL GET ALONG!!?? HMM. WONDERS. I REALLY HAVE TO GO TO THE RESTROOM AND I DON'T THINK I CAN REALLY GET UP AND GO OR IF I HAVE TO KEEP WRITING?? I REALLY HAVE TO GO SO I'M GOING TO GO AND I'LL BE BACK SOON!!!. . . . OKAY I'M BACK! I HOPE THAT DOESN'T EFFECT ANYTHING BUT I THINK IT MADE UP FOR THE TIME THAT GOT ERASED. I'M WATCHING WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONARE NOW AND I WISH I COULD BE ON THAT SHOW BECAUSE I THINK I WOULD ACTUALLY MAKE IT AND BECAUSE I REALLY WANT TO BE ON TV AND MAKE MONEY AS WELL. IT'S REALLY COLD IN MY DORM ROOM AND I'M STARTING TO GET SICK. I REALLY MISS MY BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. HE'S AT WORK THOUGH. HE GOES TO ACC AND HE'S A SECOND YEAR. I THINK IF HE WASN'T HERE IN AUSTIN WITH ME I WOULD GO CRAZY BECAUSE I WOULD BE HERE ALL ALONE WITHOUT FRIENDS OR FAMILY. HIS NAME IS REY AND ON THE 14TH. ITS GOING TO BE OUR 2 MONTH ANNIVERSARY. IT HAS BEEN ONE OF MY LONGEST RELATIONSHIPS. MY LONGEST RELATIONSHIP WOULD HAVE HAD TO BE 6 MONTHS AND THAT RELATIONSHIP WAS OFF AND ON. THERE'S ONLY ONE PROBLEM WITH MY RELATIONSHIP WITH REY AND THAT IS THAT MY FAMILY STILL DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT HIM AND I THINK I SHOULD TELL THEM SOON. I REALLY LOVE HIM A LOT!! HE TREATS ME RIGHT AND WE HAVEN'T REALLY GOTTEN INTO A FIGHT THAT WE DON'T SPEAK TO EACH OTHER. I TALK TO HIM EVERYDAY AND WE TRY TO SEE EACH OTHER EVERYDAY AND SO FAR SINCE I'VE MOVED HERE I DO SEE HIM EVERYDAY EVEN IF ITS JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE. I THINK THAT HE MIGHT BE THE ONE. HE TOLD HIS FAMILY ALL ABOUT ME!! AND SO FAR THEY APPROVE. ONE OF HIS COUSINS THOUGH SAID THAT SHE IS GOING TO THROW WATER BALLOONS AT ME BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T WANT HIM TO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. I ALSO MISS MY FAMILY A LOT BUT I REALLY DON'T WANT TO TELL THEM THAT I MISS THEM BECAUSE THEN THEY'LL BE LIKE I TOLD U SO AND I TOLD YOU THAT YOU WERE GOING TO MISS US. MY MOM EMAILS ME AND CALLS ME EVERYDAY. EVEN THOUGH ITS NOT NECESSARY SINCE I HAVEN'T LIVED AT HOME SINCE JUNE SINCE I WAS ATTENDING SMU BUT SHE JUST STARTED CALLING EVERYDAY AS SOON AS I MOVED TO AUSTIN. MY LITTLE COUSIN JONATHAN THAT I MISS THE MOST AND I CRY EACH TIME JUST THINKING ABOUT HIM IS UPSET AND CRYS FOR ME BECAUSE HE DIDNT WANT ME TO MOVE AND HE NEVER SEEMS TO WANT TO TALK TO ME BECAUSE HE WANTS ME TO GIVE HIM A BETTER REASON THAN SCHOOL FOR ME MOVING. BIG BROTHER 5 JUST STARTED AND THAT'S A REALLY GOOD PROGRAM, BUT A LOT OF THE DECISIONS THAT ARE BEING MADE IN THE GAME DISSAPOINT ME BECAUSE THERE'S A LOT OF BACK-STABBING GOING ON. I REALLY NEED TO READ FOR ME CLASS AND I NEED TO STOP PROCRASTINATING. I NEED TO GET ON THE BALL AND START STUDYING OTHER THAN DOING NOTHING AND WATCHING TV AND GOING OUT. I REALLY LIKE UT AND I THINK IT'S ONE OF THE BEST DECISIONS I'VE EVER MADE. | low | low | low | low | high |
This is a very interesting homework assignment. I wish the rest of my assignments were this interesting. I am a home right now. I can home for the weekend. It has been two weeks since I left for college and I came home. I know it is not recommended to do this but I did. I don't think it will affect me. The only thing is that I don't want to see my mom cry again. That is the worst part. I love typing, it is so much easier than writing by hand. I have not spoken to my two best friends. One of them I am kind of upset at because she is so infatuated with a guy that she blew her two best friends off. That really hurt my feelings. Wow, only two minutes have gone by. I wonder if I am going to have enough things to write about for twenty minutes. Doing the assignment for this class reminds of the class and the cute guys in the class. I have so much homework and I started to work on it at noon, but it is chemistry and it was difficult. I got very frustrated. I also had a lot of distractions. For example, I brought home two weeks worth of laundry and I have been doing all the loads since I woke up and had breakfast. That was about ten this morning. I wonder what is happening down in Austin. It feels weird not to be there, and when I am there, it feels weird not to be there. I wonder what is happening at the Castilian. What is laundry boy doing? Is he doing his laundry again. It feels so good to be close to my mom and getting her cooking. She is the best cook in the world. My sister's birthday is tomorrow and I am glad I got her her present early. My mom and dad came home with her presents today and she is really excited. My mom gave her her present and it was what she wanted. She was given the chance to get dad's present early too, but she decided to wait. The big game is about to start and I am contemplating about watching it. I really wish I would get around to doing my homework. I have been really bad at managing my time lately. I checked my loan status and everything has been approved. Thank God. Yes I will be in debt forever, but right now the important thing is to get an education at the place of my choice. I have to pay off debts that are roaming around. If I have money left over, I want to buy myself a lap top computer. It is so different how everything at UT is so technologically advanced. Is that how it is on other campuses. The big game is tonight. I wonder if I will ever get around to going to a football game. I think maybe for the experience. I sister was disgusted by something on TV. I can hear the dryer. It has been going almost all day. I had a lot of clothes to wash. How am I going to make time to do laundry. I think since I was instructed by mom to wait until I came home, that is why it piled up. I think I will do it weekly in Austin. I wonder what Jessica is doing right now? What is she thinking about the issue? Does she know what is going on? I really want to talk to her, but I will not look for her. I think it is her responsibility to see what made us feel bad. I think I have justifiable reasons to be mad at her. Wow, the time is almost up. I thought I was going to be dragging this on and on. I was just thinking of the ride home yesterday. I almost made a driving mistake that could have cost me. There were so many cars. Since I have not been driving in Austin, it was weird. I tried leaving Austin right as the schools had let out and there was a big traffic jam on I-35. I was crazy. I was just inching along. It took me about an hour to make it out of Austin. My dad is such a goof ball. He was telling me how things are just not the same without me here at home. Everyone is really emotional. My text books were so expensive. I am still blown away by the prices. Then yesterday I had to buy a stupid calculator. I had a quiz and could not use a graphing one. | high | low | low | low | high |
I'm tired, I just cleaned our apartment and now I'm tired. But I feel satisfied that I cleaned the whole place. My roommate is extremely messy and is hard to live with at times but I've known her for 15 years and I love her to death. Now my mind is being tracked to when we met at the baseball field when pur older brothers were at practice. Evan, my brother is now is Africa and I miss him a lot I think it hits me in waves. I wonder what it's like there, hot and rainy I suppose but I wonder if he misses us as much as we miss him. I think he probably does he just doesn't hank about it as much as we do. My boyfriend lives in College Station and I miss him too. It feels silly at times though to have this person you love and car about so much to have them so far form you let you still can keep close. Technology is incredible. I'm able to talk to Evan once a month. He's in Africa for goodness sake that's an ocean away. I talk to Michael every day usually more then once. Now I'm getting hot, and I'm so thank ful the ac just flipped on. I find it hard to believe people were ever comfortable without the air conditioning. This summer at the camp I worked at we didn't have an ac in the cabin and I got used to it. I fact I would get cold when I was in the ac. But still the comfort of it is much better than without. I miss camp I miss my campers. It's the one place that I really feel at home way from home, I am so confident there. not that I'm not here I just have been there for ten years and have grown up there. All my best friends are there. Of course I have other good friends but there just f=something about living with someone for three months that gives you a new look at them . They learn your morning routine and you there's it comfort thing because someone else knows you so well that they know how you wake very morning. I miss those guys. And it's not like I can't call them or even hang out with some but I don't. Isn't that strange that I love these people so much yet I don't call and hang out either them. Yes they call me and sometimes I don' t call them back because I'm nervous. Why? I don't understand my strange want to be with people but my stronger want to be alone and watch TV and just do nothing. I need to start working out again, I t has been so long since I have I think I would have more of a desire to get up and go if I had more of a pep "I just worked out" kind of look on life. I really love Lance Armstrong. He had inspired so man people to get in shape and be healthy and support the fight against cancer that you just have to respect that. I also respect him because he had the same cancer my daddy beat. That was an awful time in my life. Freshman year found out that my dad has cancer. He's fine now but wow that scared me he wouldn't be here for so many things that he has seen it's incredible. Medicine is absolutely incredible. It makes me appreciate everything he does a lot more. Funny how even when he was going through all that awful stuff I was pretty unaware. My parents kinds kept us in the dark. Not like I asked but we just didn't talk about it. I feel like I really don't know what happen to him during those months except that he got better and now he's doing great. I wonder if he still thinks about it everyday or if he's let that terrible memory flee from his mind. Wow he is one funny man, he can say anything and I'll laugh but I guess that's how it should be. He should be my hero. I wish every girl had a daddy like mine I think the world would be a make more relaxed kin of place. He always makes every tense situation funny and more laid back. My mom is the opposite and I wonder how hey have been together for 29 years when they are so opposite . But I know she loves him and I think he loves her. He does he just doesn't always shoe it in front of us but I'm sure he does to her. He'll do really sweet stuff like on Valentines Day. I think she just needs to relaxes a bit and realize that not every situation needs to blown out of proportion. Wow that was really neat. | high | high | low | high | low |
go back back back to the disaster . I can't get that song out of my head. It was so weird on Courtney's board I couldn't understands what it meant till I read it out loud I wonder if spelling counts on this and if you can go back and correct mis spelled words like they care. I am so bored but so excite about the job I have essentially been doing the same thing for the past three years and I think that I can handle the work load but this is college and its suppose TO BE HARDER BUT SO FAR IT HASN'T BEEN I STILL NEED TO read some of the info in the art history book that girl pre adviser said it would be fun but so far it has been a snooze feast. what else to write about I though that I would have bad dreams after watching train spotting with the dead baby in the cradle but I really having been dreaming much probably because I stay up half the night hanging out with the hall everybody seems pretty nice and all the guy are hot especially matt oh baby but I think that he likes Courtney everybody likes Courtney she has that Chicago accent and she pretty and nice I couldn't even get drunk guys to dance with me on Saturday the only guy I danced with was p and then when Steve said sorry to interrupt while we were dancing he said there was nothing to interrupt what a jerky think to say I mean I was standing right there it wasn't like he was drunk and didn't know what he was saying pritvi is funny but quite the little gossiper I really like my floor when they offer me a spot out side of supplemental housing I probably won't take I because I know so many people here and hopeful we can become good friends I haven't had any real friends for the past few years I been so involved in school but the weekends were so boring with out a school activity to do I seen a movie with a group of kids twice one was after a school event and the other was after a church h think. I saw movies that I didn't want to see and it was pretty much like any other movie I've seen by myself but I remember them better I only have ten more minutes left I like to count I'm always counting things like yesterday I counted lance Armstrong bracelets 9 on the way to the theater building and seven on the was back Courtney's doesn't count could I didn't see it on the walk I am so bored right now but I am going to be so busy with soccer, broccoli project, circle k, and hopefully crew or rowing which sound the same to me but apparently with rowing you only have one ore and with crew you have two I don't know what else to right where is Chris I so think that he forgot to knock on my door and just went off to lunch with Courtney. I can't believe he slept with jo I mean they had just met and a hour ago she had been kissing Steven I mean if I was Steven I would have been pissed what if all my thought were filled with profanity since I don't cuss I just thought about it constantly but I think cussing is stupid and you have to be a certain type of person to say certain words I sound so stupid when I cuss | low | high | low | low | low |
man I should have waited and gone to the restroom before I walked into the library's computer lab. . Geez!!!!!!!!!. . I really need to go but I can't because I have already began to write. . Well now I know that I must hold it and wait for these 20 minutes to past. Which could feel like forever. Wow! looking around I see a lot of students working on something that must be important since they sit quietly stuck to the seat in front of their computer. . Finally. Today was the first day in which I ate with some friends from high school. . Whom right now seem to be my only friends here at UT if I am lucky to see them around in between classes. I know I should try and make new friends because you know what they say, "you meet your best and closest friends in college. " I have made attempts to talk to new people on campus, whether I'm sitting on the bus with someone I have never met or waiting in the hallway with another student for my next class to begin. I mean I want to meet many new faces but then again I am worried that the people I approach don't want to be approached by a complete stranger. I don't know but I need to figure something out so I can enjoy every little bit of my college experience. hey? wasn't there suppose to be a timer at the top of the screen? oh no I didn't bother checking what time I started to type!well it doesn't seem like 20 minutes just yet so ill keep typing about something. Well, lately I have been having doubts about whether to change my major or not. I am currently a mechanical engineer major but have been thinking about switching to computer science. I feel like I will have an easier time in computer science because I find it more interesting. GEEZ!!!!! my arm is staring to hurt from all this typing and my fingers are all worn out. I knew I should have taken that keyboarding class in middle school so I would learn to type properly and not with the same index fingers. lately my mind has been full of worries and things that I need to do before deadlines. this morning I went to the Austin Municipal Court to turn in my Defensive driving certificate and they didn't accept it because I need to pay off the balance of my citation first. Now where am I going to get $137 right now? My books left me with an empty wallet and I have at least 2 weeks to come up with that money. I think I'm just going to have to sell some of my valued belongings and maybe even donate plasma again. Yup! I have donated blood before and have received money for it and I told myself it would be my first and last time to do it. but it doesn't seem like its going to be that way! so I think its been 20 minutes now because I only had 45 minutes of log on time and I was just informed that I have 25 minutes left so yeah. . | low | high | high | high | low |
ok wow I didn't see that timer going. I put some music on so I could let my mind run free / walking from class to class is my exercise of the day / people were out running in the track at one in the morning/ I was just studying/man I have a lot to read/ the way I see it I either work hard for these four years or work hard for the rest of my life. I don't even know what I want to be/ I guess your not suppose to/ I don't fit in right here/ the little people I've met here have 30 credit hours and are sophomore status/ I'm no where close/ I'm suppose to be doing laundry but I guess ill do that when I go home this weekend/ my hub is doing laundry right no with I forgot some clothes I left at home / I miss me some home cooking/ ummmm food. / I can eat food all day. even though I'm tiny/ chomper is what they call me. / I want to play 'halo' maybe when I go home we can play. I forgot I also have to get my license renewed. / don't I need a v. O. E. how would I get that in college/ everything is much more complicated here/ I don't know the town very well/ I like Austin's weirdness/ it reminds me of new York/ everyone doesn't care about how different you are and the way you look means nothing. / a guy thought I was a cop and I was going to bring him down for selling fake Rolex/ I'm 95 pounds/ I feel like playing some softball/ maybe when I go home/ everything is when "I go home" I need to read after this/ got to make people proud/ I can't wait for next year when Edward comes here/ hopefully they accept his transfer/ it was funny trying to get into my dorm. / oh well I guess sleeping in a car isn't so bad/ I like jewel/ she makes a lot of sense in her music/ and a lot of her music is on issues that are arguably big topics/ one of her songs made me think of ww2/ dogs were parachuted down with rations/ I found a dog around my street and named him 'black dog' /I'm not very creative. / I tried five different places to put him in because I don't have money to take care of him/ I tried the places that don't put them down/ no one had space though/ the ones who are supposedly his owners are cruel they poured gasoline on him one day and I washed him up/ I used to watch that animal police shows/ what a dork/ I liked them though/ one of them had a case where they got to the suspects house and tried to take this dog in and it refuse to go. it kept pulling in order to stay and it kept digging on the floor/ it turned out the dog was trying to save her 12 puppies that the owners tried to bury alive. / that's sad. / people are insane/ no matter how ill treated pets are especially dogs/ they will always love the owners/ its weird/ people wont get that/ being on a ferry in new York was crazy there were lots of people. /pushing to get anywhere/ I saw jerry Seinfeld/ it was cool/ it literally is the city that never sleeps/ at four a clock in the morning they were still walking around/ I wonder when my roommate is getting here/ she likes Irish stuff/ I never asked if she was Irish. / maybe I should ask. / we need a bath mat and air freshener for those not so pleasant moments/ I should probably go down and rent us out a broom/ but I probably wont/ I'm hungry again and I just ate/ I'm going to become obese I can feel it. / I don't want to get fat/ what a typical thing to say for a girl/ oh well I guess I'm typical/ can't wait till I go back home. | high | low | high | low | high |
Well its after classes on this Friday. I am sll freaking' stressed out. Stupid Fahkerrdine's quiz kicked my ass. It's not that I don't know how to do it, it's just that I doubted myself. I don't know, ever since I have been here I think that I have gotten dumber, when in reality I am not. I am actually pretty damn smart. I am just letting what everyone says get to my head. So it pretty much is my fault anyway. Well from now on, I am going to walk around and take these stupid college quizzes and tests like I am smarter than the professor that made them. I probably am smarter than most of these professors, unless they are freaking geniuses, which some of them are. Damn I miss my girlfriend. She is like so freaking hot. Yeah I know she is sixteen but she doesn't look like it and I wouldn't be with her if she acted like a little girl. She is more mature than most of the girls I have for classes and some of my close girl friends. Damn I am sneezing well I am doing this in a friends room so yeah. Well Jessica is hot and I miss her. Its not really a distraction. Today I was tired I have no idea why I have been sleeping more than I ever have. I don't even read for classes. College isn't even hard. I could not read and make a C in all my classes but I want A's damnit. Stupid medical school. Wish I could fast forward my life about 8 years. But I'll be a pinche viejo by then. I wonder if because I am cussing the person that reads this will think I am an immature kid or ignorant, when in reality I probably have a more extensive vocabulary than them. And its not like I am a big cusser. Its just I have been so damn stressed lately. I was doing my chemistry homework and I ran my hands through my hair and my hair was falling out. Not like one or two try like 10 to 20 strands of hair. Um. went blank. Nah its frustrating that thoughts come and go faster than I can type them out. This keyboard's keys are all gay anyway. Well, here I am in college. Everyone once in a while it sets in. They are a lot of hot girls here. I really don't know if any of them are hotter than my girlfriend because I am in love. and yeah love makes you blind in some ways. I have been in love before. Went out with one girl for almost all of high school cept the majority of my senior year. Four damn years. My feet stink and its driving me nuts. Its like I can't wear sandals because they make my feet sweat so much. I wonder if other people have that problem. I am just going to by frebreze and shoot my damn sandals. Its probably all the bacteria on my feet. O well. Tonight I think I am going to get drunk. I have never drank before, well I have taken some sips like four. Beer tastes like shit. I am just going to drink "chick" drinks. I don't care what guys say. And if I do something stupid tonight o well, I need to wind down. I have been more stressed than this before, but this seems to take a lot out of me and it doesn't feel like it, until you realize it. O well. Sucks to be in college. You know my uncle is a millionaire and he is a college dropout. In fact I would say most of the worlds millionaire's are college dropouts or didn't go or went because they were already rich. I know I could do that but I don't know I guess I don't have enough confidence in myself to make it out there on my own. I don't think I like to take chances that have that great of a chance to fail. I don't like to leave things to chance. But then life has screwed me over so many times before even when I was doing all the right things so what was the point. I mean I didn't drink or do drugs I mean I tried marijuana once but c'mon that's not that bad. I love God I would go to church and like it, I would have my quiet time, I would be a pretty good Christian example till like my jr. year and what happened? My parents got divorced, my dad made like all the money, there's five kids in my family, my dad went to jail for what he did. Gosh damn I am still embarrassed of what he did. So yeah all things this I was going to have like a nice car, my college paid for, super nice clothes I would have had it. He mad 80,000 a year and my mom made 40,000, and that's not too bad when you live in the valley. Its next to Mexico, and no we weren't drug dealers. Hah. that's funny if I hadn't put that in, you might have thought that. Nah he | high | low | low | low | high |
I thought of a million different ways I would start this, and now I can't think of any. Well, one way, actually, was to say that this one time I had a conversation with my teacher about whether people thought in complete sentences or not. I told her they didn't, but now I think they do. That is, unless, they're answering questions. In thinking that it's hot, I don't think, "hot" I think "It's hot. " In any case, it's very cold in my room right now. My hands and feet are especially cold. I wonder if that's simply because of the temperature of the room or that stress stuff Dr. Pennebaker was talking about. Well the temperature used to be just fine, and now it's cold all of the sudden. We have to call those eminence guys. They came last week and fixed our toilet in like 10 seconds. We didn't even see them, we just heard them. I was joking with my roommate that God came and fixed our toilet. God rocks. ha-ha I have a black t-shirt that says that in white letters. It's my old youth group t-shirt. I designed it. I'm quite proud of that. It was cool and promoted God. One guy once came up to me and asked me if it was being sarcastic. that wasn't cool. He felt bad after asking though, he said he didn't mean to be rude. I believe him. He was a cool guy in several of my classes. His name was Charlie. There was this other guy named Charlie, too. He worked in the Emergency Room at the hospital where I used to do my clinical rotations for school. He was really cool too. Actually me and my friend, Erin, that got along with him really well kept in touch with him. She just saw him recently at the mall with his kids, and he told her some details about a friend of ours that died about three weeks ago. He was in the emergency room when it happened. She was in a car accident and died almost instantly. It was pretty sad, but it didn't really affect me personally because she wasn't that close to me. However, my OA during orientation reminded me a lot of her, and that's kind of eerie. I say a guy that was an OA this summer at school last week. That guy was the one that stood out the most to me because he was the nicest looking. (Not as in attractive, as in sincerely nice. ) Some people have that effect on me sometimes. Like recently I went to Hawaii and the guy that was the scuba diving instructor was named Jimmy. Jimmy was really cool, and he had that effect on me. He just seemed like a sincerely nice guy. I'll probably remember him for a while. I've had several people have that effect on me. It's interesting to meet so many people around the world that are absolutely amazing, and they may not even know it. They're absolutely amazing to me, and I don't even know why. It's awesome. I wish I could keep in touch with someone halfway across the world for a long time. I need to find someone first. Maybe if I get to study abroad in Italy I'll find someone to keep in touch with. Things always seem to get in the way of stuff like that, every day life I guess. I don't know what it is. I do have this one friend, Marcus, I've kept in touch with him for about two years now. I met him at a medical program one summer, and we've kept in touch since. That summer I did lots of stuff. I went to Canada for World Youth Day, and I got to see the pope. Some people got really emotional about that. They were crying and stuff. I kind of felt bad because I wasn't crying, but I know there really is no reason I should feel guilty. God did not say, "Thou shall be overwhelmed with emotion upon seeing the pope and come to tears. " hah it would be kind of funny if it said that in the bible. Anyway, that summer I also went to LDZ. That was one of the greatest experiences ever. I've stumbled upon a few people here at UT that said, "You were governor at LDZ, right?" It's pretty cool how lives cross. There are so many people at UT, who wouldn't you find? ha-ha The Monday before classes started I had an audition to try out for the longhorn singers and we were in this tiny room in the music building, and who should walk in the door but M. C. Hammer himself!! Hahira It was hilarious!! He was apparently showing his daughter around because she wanted to get in choir at UT. That's definitely a story worth telling. I didn't recognize him. I'm to young I guess. I always figured M. C. Hammer was white only because I knew Vanilla Ice was. ha-ha Anyway, this whole time I've been writing I've also been thinking about Alex. Alex (in one sentence) is the boy I've been in love with almost my entire life. The reason why I've been thinking about him now is because a lot of the times I write anything in journals or about what I'm thinking it's usually about him. I know this is simply "stream of consciousness" but I guess I can't just write what I'm thinking without thinking of him. Recently he wrote me an email after I hadn't emailed him in a while. I was waiting for him to write me. It was short and mostly insignificant, but he wrote. I just want to be friends, I think. I don't know what I want. I want to have lots of fun in college. I want to experience life, then I can figure out what I want with him. It's probably not even my choice to decided what I want with him. Anyway, another thing I also always thought about was whether deaf people saw signs in there heads instead of heard words when they were thinking. | high | low | low | low | high |
I got home from Burnet today from hunting and it wasn't that great. The dove weren't flying when I was there maybe its because I'm bad luck. Sometimes I think stupid things like that, like maybe for instance people were catching fish before I got there then when I got there I didn't catch anything and neither did anybody else. Super smells really good right now I think mom is cooking mashed potatoes and ribs. Sounds really good because I'm so hungry I haven't eaten all day. Speaking of not eating all day I just realized how fun my weekend was. That's why I haven't really eaten that much. Food sounds so good. Friday night I went out to a few parties and tried to get into frat parties but they're all gay and wont let any dudes in. Even though it was me with a bunch of girls they still wouldn't let me in. I'm pissed. From now on when I have a party I'm not letting any frat people in just hot sorority girls. Some of my friends are in sororities they seem cool. Anyway, then I went to the UT game on Saturday and we stomped all over North Texas. I kind of felt bad but not really. Its weird to be at a UT game and say "this is my school. " I'm so used to being in high school and going to high school games I'm not used to seeing 80000 people at a game for my school. I wish school didn't involve class. I love the college atmosphere but not the class part. Maybe my psychology professor will give me an A. That would be great of him. He's a cool guy though I like his class. All my other professors are boring but he knows how to have fun while he lectures. I'm glad I got out of my calculus class and in a different one because professor radin is not cool at all. he needs to learn how to be not so uptight. My new calculus professor is cool though he's more laid back and knows how to teach things and give examples. Gosh I'm hungry I wish dinner were ready already. Taco Cabana is really good late at night I just realized that. I'm glad it's open 24 hrs because where would I go eat at 3 a. M? Speaking of Taco Cabana San Antonio was fun I just wish we went to Cowboys and danced a little. San Antonio was cool but not as cool as burnet I want to hurry up and go hunting again. maybe this weekend I'll go back and shoot some more birds. Girls make me so mad. Why does a certain somebody have to be stupid all the time? She bitches too much at me for little things. I should just not talk to her anymore. I don't know why I can't just not talk to her. All girls are the same to me, they all bitch about stupid things and get mad at you for saying hi to other girls that are your friends but they go off and say hi to their guy friends and expect us not to get mad at them. It's dumb. Jenna is dumb too. She should have ditched her boyfriend to hang out with her quote best friend Kelly on her birthday. She is stupid for choosing someone she just barely met over her best friend. Kelly doesn't deserve to cry I should yell at Jenna for that. Jessica is a cool girl she cares about me and doesn't want anything to happen to me I should hang out with her more. Stony Point football will always suck. They lose too much. New coaches are cool though I wish he was there when I was there. I need to do chemistry homework. He needs to stop mumbling and getting off topic to. My TA pisses me off so much I think I'm smarter than her. All the answers I had were right and the ones she gave me were wrong I can't believe that. 66 on the first hw is crap. there goes my confidence. She's a good looking girl though I'll give her that much but she can't help for crap. hopefully by this weekend I'll have my work done so I can hunt. I really can't stop thinking about hunting. I want to shoot me a deer I've never shot one before. Season opens soon I think so dove will have to do for now. | low | high | high | high | low |
I am sitting here thinking about what I am going to eat . I am very hungry. for lunch i had a sala, some pasta and some soup, oh that guy was really hot . when I work out today those guys are going to be really hot too. oh god something stinks. i wonder what it is . I hope its not the person sitting next tome. what is that girl wearing she looks very tacky. when I go to my dorm later I am going to fall out. First I have to call my parents or they will get mad . this is a library why are people walking around and talking so much. I wonder why my roommate does the stuff she does, and why is this person talking so what is wrong with his hear okay it is really starting to stink. oh crap I'm supposed to meet my roommate for lunch but oh well it doesn't matter, this is much more important. Last night the MTV music wards were so crazy, there were a lot of crazy things happening everywhere, I thought I was going to flip. I absolutely loved what Beyonce and Alicia Keys were wearing. I wonder when will Destiny's child get back together hopefully soon. Man I hope I did good on my Spanish quiz it was fairly easy I think. What classes do I have tomorrow hopefully easy ones because I can't stand some of my classes. i wonder what my roommate is doing right now. I wonder if my exboyfriend has a girlfriend right now. man when will this be over 20 minutes is a long time to just write about anything. ooh another hot boy oh and there is his girlfriend. That's okay I look better than her anyways. I wonder what my friends are doing in El Paso maybe I'll give them a call when I have time. I'm so excited the first football game is this week what am i going to wear who am I going to go with Hopefully we will beat north Texas. oh my god games mean after parties and after parties mean really hot football players too bad I'm only 17 I can probably still get into some clubs. the ones that allow babies. Man it seems like I have been on here for years when is this crap going to end. wow my stomach just growled really loud, hopefully no one heard me but if they did ohg well I know they are probably having the same problem. I wonder what my brother is doing I wonder if he quit the football team yet I told him he should just do track but he didn't believe me so that is his fault, but he'll learn they always do. I wonder did my mom send my money for my ATM because I know I could still use it Oh crap the time is almost up I thought my brain would explode | high | high | high | high | low |
that fish tank sure is loud as crap I didn't know havoline was a 100 years old corona sucks I am hungry and it is hot in the apartment that bastard didn't come fix my garbage disposal I wasn't to play golf I need contact solution this guy is a douche crap its hot I am hungry as shit I want dry I don't want to do homework tonight and I need a can of dip bad so much for quitting time Warner sucks the stros better win and hopefully barry will die along with the giants I want to play poor tonight I better call trip and fox and peter this piece of shit is turning into a list of things to do and now I am talking to the list I want to go to a game and get drunk tonight that prescreening took for fucking ever I wonder how old frank Thomas is I am only on the 4th minute I wish I still played baseball maybe if I didn't suck at catching I could be should've tried short I need to get that little league thing done and the volunteer shit I fucked my neck up and damnit I am hungry I should be turned on a light my eyes hurt and this laptop is hot laundry son of a bitch I have no quarters well that and homework will be my kick ass thruway night after this is over in 14 minutes. I haven't done anything in the last 3 Thursdays that is pathetic pasta or rice or potatoes. potato pasta and rice take to long to make crap I want to eat 13 minutes no one is at the rangers game that is a tall pitcher he is like 6'6" I need to shampoo the carpet and that ass needs to fix my garbage disposal that guy got the shit knocked out of him like the guy yesterday who got hit in the stomach I cuss a little too much even in my head new vocal might be nice hey the fish light bulb works now I think my weekend will suck now because I have too much stuff to do 10 minutes and that is only half way there I could probably stop here and type shit for the rest but that really wouldn't do me any good I hope I can get a good job with this fucking degree when do the stros play I wonder what the score is I am proud of myself for doing at least somewhat better this semester than I did last semester and fucking pot cost me last fall I want to smoke but I know that it just screws me over pail konerko never used to be a homerun hitter if no one reads this then what the fuck is the point of it I will have to print it out just because I don't not want to have it and it will sit in my spiral until mlynn sees it and reads it because she is nosey and then will give me shit about it and what I am typing now because I am s o mean this is kind of nice to just be able to type and bitch and moan about my day or what I need to do chest was good today I hope I get up to 190 before December I need this and spring break would be fucking awesome ripped up and bigger this time my eye is dry as shit and this contact doesn't work any more the towel under the computer better not fuck it up but that thing was hot nice job rangers too bad you suck and can't get to the playoffs go stros go durfing is for fags or people more skilled than I need to get tickets to Vegas 21 will be trouble all over the place if not the bars then the poker will definitely fuck me over and then I can finally be online legally 4 more minutes and then time to grunt like there is no tomorrow if I waited any longer I might eat myself I need more tuna, that chicken is to expensive ricky wont go back tot he nfl pothead will just piss his life away nice grab buerhle devin screwed hat guy up at baseball 2 and a half minutes and I just need to stall this blows nonetheless I need to go to the store but they don't have grizzlyi wonder where else would have it, 711 does but that mean I have to drive but I am lazy as shit I still have to read and cook and have time for poker and then go to bed early because I have to work out and I can tae the bus to the rec which is horribly undereqiuped but at least it is free I could do cardio there but then go to class smelly and shit, that is a good way to make friends but it doesn't matter because mlynn takes all our time and when we are through I want have any | low | high | low | low | low |
This is weird and different. I'm not exactly sure what I should be writing. I really love it when guys can play the guitar. I don't know what it is but guys who play the guitar are my biggest weakness. I hope, oh I forgot what I was going to say. that happens a lot. Twenty minutes seems like a long time. Anyway, I'm listening to Hotel California by The Eagles and then I think I'm going to listen to my Sublime Cd. The Beatles were like musical geniuses. I bet them and Frank Sinatra are the celebrities that got the most sex from random women. I would have had sex with Frank Sinatra back in the day. I made a list of celebrities I would have no problems having sex with- it isn't very long but I'll share it because I really don't care. It's not like I'll ever have sex with these people anyway let's see it was Lindsay Lohan, Michael Vartan, John Mayer, and Jake Gyllenhaal. I bet John Mayer is an excellent lover. No one who plays the guitar (and sings wonderful love songs) with that much emotion and feeling is a bad lover. Huh, I don't think that made sense, it made sense in my head. I'm so glad Stephie is my roommate. We have our differences but for the most part we get a long so well. Sex and the City is such an awesome show. I think each woman has a little bit of all four of the girls in them. Is it bad that sometimes I want to push my morals aside and do things I know are "wrong". Since I've gotten here my friends that go to other schools are bashing my new life style. I hate that they judge me. Why can't I just live my life the way I want to? Being active in the church youth group in high school was one of the best things I've ever done but now that I'm doing things that The Church wouldn't approve of I'm noticing that I'm pushing everything I used to stand for aside so that I can "experiment" with different things. I don't regret anything I do, but sometimes I don't think I make the best decisions. I'm happy though and I guess that's all that matters. I'm sure God is an understanding God. I'm not sure what's worse living my life as a straight edge or being taken up by the flashiness of college life. sounds like a lose lose situation to me. I really need to lose some weight man. I was sitting in the hookah bar tonight and this girl said she lost 73 pounds in a year and that she used to weigh 210. So now she weighs. 137. wow. I need to lose that much weight. I wonder how she did it. I should have asked her. some days I'll feel really self confident and pretty and I'm like well I guess I love myself the way I am so someone will love me for me as well. Then other days I'm like "fuck, who's going to love a fat slob". I hope I meet the one in college. I hope he's amazing in every way. Is it too much to ask to meet my soul mate? That would be sweet. First things first though. I need to shed the pounds ASAP. yes. After this I have to study Italian. That's going to suck. I probably should have done that instead of sleeping the day away. oh well. This week was a lot more productive then last. So this weekend I plan to really catch up and get my shit together. I really need to pull my GPA up. I want to do good. I'm going to do good. I just wish I weren't so damn lazy. Bah. I wish I were going to college station tomorrow. I want to see my old friends but I don't know why if they're just going to look at me like I'm the devil. My leg is still twitching. That probably isn't a good thing. I'm sad pookie's leaving this weekend. I wish I could find someone who enjoys my company as much as I enjoy theirs. I miss Chris so much. I wish every time I was with him could be like that night after the John Mayer concert. he's so much fun to be around. I think I come off as bitchy and annoying but I'm not sure. I wish someone would tell me. I have the Beatles song "Black bird" stuck in my head. I want to take guitar lessons I just wish they weren't so damn expensive. I'm so glad I only have one class tomorrow! Yay! I kind of don't want to go to the welcome retreat thing but maybe it will be for the better. Otherwise looks like I will be going to college station. We'll see how that works out. | high | low | low | low | high |
I can't believe that I missed my first class this morning. I don't know what happened. Maybe my roommate turned off my alarm early and didn't tell me. But I don't think so, because he's a good guy and he wouldn't do that. I hope there wasn't a quiz in kinesiology today. That would just be my luck. The one time I miss it, there was a quiz. Man this sucks not having books, I'm getting so far behind in all my classes reading. It's going to be hard to catch up. There are some many people in all my classes it's ridiculous. You know what else is ridiculous, not having books. Why can't I get into shape faster? I know it takes time, but I've been running for 3 weeks and I don't see much of an improvement. If I am going to walk on the cross country team here I need to be faster than I was in high school. My old high school team mates are not doing so hot right now. The top runners are running about one minute and a half behind what we were running last year. I was running 16:26 for a 5K, but these guys are running like 17:40 for a 5K. They are going to have a lot of time to make up if they are going to be competitive in one of the toughest districts in the state, second to only the woodlands district. God, I hate the woodlands, and cedar park, and Georgetown. I wish I hadn't injured myself during track season, cause I had to take 3 months off the heal. And three months with no running killed me. I gained like 20 pounds during the summer session here at UT. But summer school was so much fun. I met lots of cool guys like Kevin, rahim, and Justin. And a lot of girls. Actually too many girls to count, but out of all those girls, I don't think any of them found me attractive at all. And when ever some girl approaches me at a party, some one will swoop in take her. Some one like Kevin or rahim. I'm still mad for what Kevin did. I can't believe that he "made out" with my best friend and the girl that I love so much. That just sucked. I felt like some one had ripped out my heart and then run it over with several big rigs, then dropped it off a high building, then feed it to piranhas in the Amazon rain forest. But I know Kevin didn't do that one purpose, or did he? But I had a long talk with both Heather and Kevin, and we're cool. Oh and Heather is coming to visit this weekend! I am so excited! I haven't seen her since before school started like 4 weeks ago. I'm disappointed because she was supposed to come to UT but she didn't get into articture school so she had to go to atm, but she is going to transfer her in a year. I hope. I have to plan a fun weekend with stuff for us to do, so she and I can have a good time again. But what do I do? I have to work part of sat and sun, but we still can have fun Friday and then after I get off work. I just want her to be happy, if its not with me then so be it. But I will marry her, I will marry her, because I love her so much and she is my best friend. I hope she feels the same way. I don't know what to do, cause I don't want to mess up our perfect friendship, oh well. We will have to see what unfolds. | low | high | low | high | high |
Today was a pretty calm day. Nothing outrageous happened. Right now I feel hungry, probably because the last time I ate was at 6:50 or so and I didn't have much. I tired this new stir fry stuff and some mashed potatoes. It was ok but I guess it was only filling for the time being. I almost forgot I had this assignment due tomorrow. I sprang out of bed as soon as I remembered. earlier my suite mates and I watched a movie at the union called Mean Girls. It was good and they showed it for free too so there were a lot of people there. They show a lot of movies at the union. The next dorm family event planned for us is to go and watch the movie Troy. My roommate's friend is going to make her and I watch the movie schindler's list sometime soon. He is a big movie fan and is going into the college of communication and he wants to be a director later on. He has already made a movie. He made it in high school and he went around and just videotaped the different events and people at school. My roommate said it was good. She just told me that her chemistry professor wrote the book they use in class. Its not just him but he has contributed to writing the book. He has his name on the cover of the book and everything. I'm going home to Houston next weekend to see my family and to attend this bayou bhangra competition that all my friends are going to. Its going to be really fun. I can't wait to see my baby sister she's just too cute for me. I love her and she's a miracle baby too especially because she serviced through my mom's accident and all the medication my mom had to take during her pregnancy. But I guess that's God's love and blessing and I am very thankful for everything he as done for me and my family but I don't know what to think of him after my aunt and uncle's freak accident and death. I don't understand why he sends us these extraordinary people and then just takes them away from us before its time for them to go. I don't know I suppose its just one of those things that happen and can't be explained. And I believe that things happen for a reason but I don't know how God can justify their death and all these things that have been happening to our entire family. Things haven't seem to be right ever since my grandmother passed away. Well that's all I can think of to write about and its time now too, how convenient. Bye | high | high | high | high | low |
twenty seconds and I still haven't thought of anything. Jennifer is crazy for taking all those chemistry classes! I couldn't even work on my math problems, and concentrate. I don't know how she makes it all those hours with science and math. We're going to watch that movie tonight, in a little while, so I need to finish my homework pretty soon, and get a head start on the week, so I don't have too much to worry about. I need stop freaking out the ghost in our community bathroom! Those shower curtains don't open themselves! I wonder is molly is going to be happy for me and jen about being the new wing representatives? wow that's a big word. I wonder if that's how you spell it. I need to clean up my room before my roommate throws my stuff out in the hall. Stupid jose can't really mean what he said. He said he's not IN love with me, and just loves me. But I know we'll get back together. I'm sure of that. Now. . Whhooooahhhh I clicked that button too many times. I really hope they don't run out of the poster I want. I signed up to work for 5 hours at the poster sales to get $50 worth of credit for that poster starry night. wow that hairstyle's weird. That guy must work hard to get it like that. maybe I should stop looking out the door. it's too quiet in here, since jen doesn't listen to her music out loud. I love that people miss me back home, and that makes me feel like I was someone back there. the more I look around this room, the more I like the color purple. I remember the superman theme from stucco, and the way Michael looked in his cape. I wish I had my photo album with me right now to show jen. mmmmmmmmmmuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa the eyes of Texas are upon you. . Today's lunch was super cool, because me and jen went back to the buffet, where she saw her friend who also happens to be Hispanic too! I was so glad when I saw Hispanics here. I need to add more people to my yahoo, because I only have four people. I don't know why more people here don't have messenger, like people back home. this is so cool, because it keeps you thinking, and you see it right in front of you. This is so much fun, I should do this more often and then find the pattern of what I seem to think about more often. darn! my time is already running out. this was fun. I'm down to like 15 seconds. I hope I did this assignment right. | high | low | high | low | high |
I am sitting here in my dorm room trying to organize my time for the rest of the day and night. I have a lot of reading to catch up on. I have trouble sitting down reading for a long period of time. I would rather sit in a lecture and listen to a professor. That is, if he/she is interesting. I want to read and understand my psychology book, but for some reason I haven't been able to concentrate on it. I feel like I am behind in this class for some reason. My mom graduated with a degree in psychology. She loved it. My biology class is my favorite. My professor is interesting and the book is interesting to me too. I wish I knew what I wanted to be. I have so many different ideas and I can't decide right now. I talked to my mom today and she suggested marine biology because she knew I used to be interested in that. She also suggested being a doctor. I don't know if I can go to school for 8 more years though. Four more years seems like a lot to me. But I know I will do it. I just feel weird right now I guess because I am just starting. I am 3 and a half hours away from home. I like it here but I miss it there. I always have a lot on my mind and I think that is why it has been hard to concentrate on reading lately. Eight months ago, 2 days before Christmas, my boyfriend of 3 years, Phillip, was killed in a car accident. I almost didn't come to UT because he was supposed to follow me here and live in Austin too so we could be together. I thought about that a lot the first week I was here. It is just really hard. This is one of the reasons I am being in my reading for philosophy and psychology. I've been doing homework all week making up for last week. When it comes to school work I love being ahead. Which is why I am doing this writing assignment a week in advance. I'm hoping that I will feel better when I finish this and I will be able to read 2 chapters and comprehend it. When I stay ahead in school I always feel so much better. I like to read the sections before lectures rather than after. I am the type of person that takes on big load and I tend to get stressed out easy that way. I decided that when I came here I was strictly going to concentrate on school. In high school I had a full schedule of ap classes, a job, and participated in athletics. I loved all of it but I decided I need a break from every thing else which is why I'm not working this semester. I worked 6 days a week this past summer to save up for spending money this year so that I would not have to worry about working. My parents are paying for my school and all my bills, even my gas so I don't ever want to ask them for spending money. I received some scholarship money from Dobie, UT from my home town. We have community scholarship that they give out every year. There was a scholarship made in Phillips name this year. I got that one. That made me feel good I guess. I like being here but it is just really weird. I hope I adjust to Austin soon. I already like it a lot better than when I first move here 2 weeks ago. My best friend Stephanie helped me move down here and it was hard when she had to go back home, but I am going to see here this weekend so that makes me happy | low | high | high | high | high |
I feel that I have so much to do in the next few days. College is so overrated. The few actual moments that you do have to go out and party and have a good time, or do whatever it is that you like doing, equal all the other times you are reading, reading, studying, or doing other school stuff. I had a French vanilla cappuccino at like 9:30 tonight and it gave me so much energy that I can't sit and focus on one thing. It seems that I have been procrastinating all night. Oooh all that I need is you (so the song I am listening to right now) but anyways. now I don't remember what I was thinking about a moment ago. It must be that caffeine I'm not really used to but have consumed so much of it in the last 48 hours. O no. I'm not really sure what I just did. I hit tab because that's what you do to indent but it hit the finish button instead. So instead of having a stream of conscious thought for 20 minutes I think it was more like 2 so now I'm thinking about how I need to get in contact with the TA or the professor and explain how I will probably have two submissions but I'm not really sure because I don't know how computers work. They are so complex. I don't really understand them. Like earlier I couldn't log into the prescreening experimental stuff. I have put off the computer oriented stuff to later because in a way it scares me because I don't really trust them. I'm very skeptical of them. I feel like if I start something the computer has a mind of its own and is going to do whatever with it. Like just now, I'm panicking because the stupid machine is making an awful whirling twirling noise. The song I'm listening to is sung by a different group, but the same song I did a trio to two years ago and it is bringing back memories of practicing and performing. During a heavy practice time I had mono I remember. Kind of a cool time because I got to miss almost two weeks of school but the makeup work wasn't fun but I did get to know my teachers well that year. I wonder how the other two girls that I did the trio with are doing. They are both a year older than me so they've been doing this whole college thing longer. Speaking of long I just looked at the time and I've only been doing this for like five minutes. Looking at the clock and counting down the time reminds me of times during drill team practice after school when they seemed to drag on forever I made it a goal to not look at the clock so hopefully the time would pass by faster but of course it didn't. I actually saw a girl from my drill team this weekend. She is a choreographer for a dance team I was interested in trying out for, but I decided not too because it brought back to many memories. I am thinking about trying out for Steel Dance this weekend but I don't know yet. O yaw that reminds me that I need to email one of the girls on the team and ask her what the dress code for the clinic is because I really don't want to wear pink tights and a black leotard. It makes me feel fat. Which reminds me I never ate dinner tonight and its like 110. I guess all the Julius chips and salsa I ate will have to do. Thank goodness for Julio. He makes some awesome chips. I wonder who Julio is. Or even if Julio is still alive. My roommate brought his chips back from Del Rio. My Hippo something we learned about in class today must be working hard because it is bringing back many memories. I think ill remember the name of it well or not the name more the function of it because my boyfriend has a horrible memory and we always joke about being big like hippos and stuff so I definitely will remember that one. O look more remember things. I guess the hippo thing is working right now. The song I'm listening to reminds me of two girls on my drill team. Rachel and Shea. They were awesome dancers. I wonder where they are now. There is a girl in my architecture design class that reminds me of shea the way she looks and talks. Actually Shea has a pair of my comfy pants that I loved that my friend Brittney had on tonight. Shea is in Utah so I don't think I will ever see them again. Speaking of comfy clothes I wonder why all I wear to class now are soffe shorts and a t-shirt. It must be that whole college thing. O no. Here goes again. That whirling noise and now my instant messenger signed on when I didn't even click on the program. This computer is so random. Maybe I just need to update the AIM program. but then again I don't know that much about computers so I'm not really sure how I'd go about doing that. With my luck I'd probably download some computer virus with it too. And viruses. That thing about getting sick when you are most stressed. I will probably be getting sick soon because I am feeling very stressed right now although a huge weight was lifted off my shoulder today when we turned in a major project. Which didn't go exactly how I hoped but its over so I don't want to think about it. If I say I am going to get sick will my body start thinking that and make itself sick? That is something else we learned about. If you start thinking one thing you can convince yourself of it. O man I don't remember the name of it. I am really going to have to study for this test. I should probably start this weekend. Well there is one more thing to add to my to do list. I started one earlier and it just keeps getting longer. I need to add that I need to talk to a TA for this class and then email that girl from steel dance before I forget. My 20 minutes is up now its a good thing I ended with that to do list so maybe since it is the most recent thing I will remember. Now I really like this song. Its from 13 going on 30 that movie. I have started watching more movies since I got to college I think that is what I will ask for for my birthday-movies. O yaw my time is up. I need to get ready for bed so maybe I will get a decent amount of sleep tonight. | low | high | low | low | low |
I just got back from the University Democrats meeting. It was really fun and informative. Lloyd Doggett was the guest speaker. He was very eloquent and well-versed, and he did an excellent job stating what he stood for and how the current gerrymandering is unfair, but we're not going to let it stop the party from victory. I hope to get really involved with it. It seems like a great way to get to know people and learn a lot about the political system at the same time. Other than University Democrat, I'm going to try to join UBC, Undergraduate Business Council. You have to fill out an application to become an At-Large member. The questions appeal to the creative side in applicant, so I hope that my creativity steps up to the plate. I think that UBC would also be a great way to meet people, especially since it's for students in the Business school. I also want to join Student Government. I think that some of the causes that they fight for are so worthwhile, like trying to extend the hours of the library. Student Council in High School didn't really accomplish that much, but I think that Student Government actually gets things done here. I'm listening to the Shins right now, they're a really good band. I love the melodies and guitar. Other bands that I like include Bright Eyes, Death Cab for Cutie, The Sounds, Belle and Sebastian, The Strokes, and so much more. Basically anyone on Saddle Creek records tends to be really good because they all sound so different. I haven't really been able to find out about new music lately though because I've been sort of busy. I'm taking 14 hours, and my classes are Statistics, Latin 506, Psych, and Microeconomics. They're all pretty good so far, all my professors are pretty nice. I've had a lot of reading to do, and I've been pretty much doing my best to do it all. I'm waiting for a couple of books to come in. I'm waiting for my Microeconomics book and a Latin book to come in. I really wanted to take Intro to Political Philosophy instead of Latin, but oh well. I'm thinking about doing International Business, and Latin is the basis of all the Romance languages, so I hope it will help me with other languages. International Business seems to be like an interesting major, but I still don't know what I want to do. I'm probably doing Pre-Med as well, and I also want to take some RTF classes. I don't think that you can take RTF classes without majoring in it though, so I'm going to have to apply to that college, I guess. I hope I figure out what I want to do because International Business, Pre-med, and RTF are pretty hard to do all together, and I don't want to take longer than four years to finish all that. I honestly don't know what I want to do, I want to do something worthwhile, something different, something exciting, something that's definitely not your average 8 to 5 job, something that truly helps people. I only hope that someday I will realize what I want to do. Although in life, everyone wants something more, no matter what people have, they usually want something more. I hope that whatever happens, I am content with what I have. Man, this Shins song, "Saint Simon" is so good. They're coming to Austin soon, I can't wait to see them. Bright Eyes is also coming soon, in October. That is going to be such a good show, it's been like two years since I've seen them live. I think that I can do those three things in four years though, if I take summer school, I think. I came in with 36 hours of credit, so I really hope that it's possible. I need to talk to my advisor about that. He's really nice, his name is Lovelys. He's also my FIG mentor, I am in the Business of Non-Profits FIG. I've always been really interested in Non-Profit Businesses and how they run. Maybe I'll work for a Non-Profit Business. We're supposed to get guest speakers, and we're doing a Community Service project, so that will be cool. Well, my time's almost up, so I'll end here. Ciao. | high | high | high | high | low |
I'm thinking I don't know what to write This popsicle tastes good, I'm really bored, my roommate is gone I'm sitting here in a stupor, not really thinking about anything I'm thinking I miss my girlfriend and I should probably call her when I am done with this the popsicle tastes good. I hear the bass from the stereo of person in the room next to me and I think it's kind of annoying. Tonight is going to be fun, I am looking forward to that, this popsicle is really good. I think I need to clean my room, it's really messy. I need to throw out the food wrappers, put my clothes away, that persons stereo is really annoying, I hear loud voices in the hall, I wonder who they are, it sounds like a cute girl, I need to put my papers and homework away. I am going to get another popsicle. It tastes good too. I wonder if a m doing this assignment correctly. I am looking around my room for things to think about, but nothing really sparks any interest. I'm really bored. I think I will turn the radio on. Never mind, I think that that might interfere with my stream of consciousness. I hear one of my friends voices outside talking about the start of intramural football with somebody. I can't wait for that to start, but I am upset that I have to play coed instead of men's. This other popsicle is really good too. I feel papers in my pocket and I take them out, its my bank statements. That makes me upset because I see all the things I wasted my money on. I throw them on the floor. I'm thinking that my time is a little over halfway done, and that makes me feel good because I am looking forward to stop typing this. When I am done I think I will take a shower, and then maybe, I'm thinking about something interesting I can do after that, I'm playing racquetball at 5 so something in between that. I don't know, maybe I can figure something out when my roommate comes back. I'm hungry. Now I'm eating chips. I'm laughing because I'm thinking if you actually read this one you will think I have an obsession with food, which I kind of do but that's just because I am hungry all the time. I really like the chips. I'm kind of sleepy too, maybe I'll take a nap. I was thinking about typing and how I am good at it and that made me think about my grandpa for some reason because he looks really silly when he types and that made me miss him because I haven't seen him in over a year. Maybe I will call him this weekend I love chips and salsa, it's damn good. My roommate is going to be pissed because I am eating them all without him. It doesn't matter though because I am really hungry. 2 minutes left I can't wait till this is over, its been interesting but I want to do other stuff. I'm excited though because this counts as a grade and this will be a good start for psychology class. I really like these chips. Well times up and now I'm really happy because I'm done. | high | low | low | high | low |
This is what I need to do. Type with my friends in the messenger its really ADDICTING. LMaoOO. Well I love to listen to music. Its really soothing for me and I fell weird with out it. I LOVE TUTY of BRazeros Musical( ; ; my favorite group) I wonder when they are going to come back. (this there one of there songs. Lloviendo esta y atra vez de la lluvia te llevas con tigo a la cuidad entera mis lagrimas no miras la lluvia las confuendedn y aunque yo este llorando por mi no te preocupes. Te esperare te esperare aunque no vuelas mas. Llenaste mi rtecuerdos a la cuidad entera. Y aunque yo se que nunca mas tu volveras. " Lagrimas y Llubia by Brazeros Musical. Who did I get backstage. It was all a rush. But am glas I did. I meet one of my favorite groups. They were nice. There performance was great. Although at the end they stinked musty and were all sweaty they were forth it. Armando and Junior were the cutest of them all. I was surprised that Luis recognized me. there is nothing special about me and well. He was remembered how my face looked like. I Hate this song put I cannot tell my roommate its from the 80s or something like that its OLD. "In the car wash. " maybe because I heard it for too long. Its a remix. Its lonely in my room. I have nothing to do but be here in the computer. Reflecting back on high school it was exciting but I wish we could've done better things to make it wonderful and more unforgettable. I Made it to PROM Court. I was Beaten by a girl That never attended school. How can all these people that don't go to school ever always pass and get better things then me and my friends. We were all great students. And never broke the rules!!! Its beb 11 mins and well I have a million things tuning through my head. I miss my family (as whole) because they went to MEXICO with out me. This the first year they do it and I feel left out. But am having a blast here in the University of Texas and I cannot ask for anything better. I Love Austin. This were I been living for 18 years. I think I love music because of this "The Live Music Capital of the World" music was everywhere I turned in the neighbors house, down in the drive through of McDonalds. In the Laundry thing and well my mom Loves to dance. Which leaves me think. What am I going to do with my obsession of taking pics of different artist that come and do concert. I love to meet them and makes my groups of friends grow more. "the artist" for most part are really down to earth and I look forward to every dance there is. Its Been two weeks since school started, yet our room still STINKS!!!!!! We cannot take the smell out. Being in the ninth floor. We cannot do much of it. plus were in the middle of Nowhere land stuck in a Corner were no body comes an visit us. That's good in some part because we can study and listen to music as high as we want to and none says anything. Its sunny outside its not HOT like it usually is. I love it when it rains but there is also going to rain. That little breeze of air that vlows thriugh my hair is unbelivable. I love that smell of wet grass as well. UMmmmmmmmmmmm. So one did PoPcoRn and I smell it all the way over here. 10,9,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 sorry I got distracted by the timer less then am done. It been distracting since it started | low | high | low | high | low |
I'm finally getting around to typing this stream of consciousness thing. I don't know why I was procrastinating before, maybe hesitant because I'm subconsciously afraid of what I'd write. But my dorm doesn't start its, um, food service thing for 20 minutes and I'm getting tired of uploading all my course assignments from syllabi up to Mozilla Calendar. I'm already typing more coherently than I thought I was going to (caffeine, maybe? Doesn't it clear and speed up your thought process?) 1:56 already. If I get to the cafeteria too early I'll have to have cereal or something just kicking around until they start preparing real food; that happened earlier today, for the first time in fact, because I ignored the Castilian Food Service schedule. I guess I'm bound to forget some stuff over the long weekend, first time going back home from Austin. Roommate's explaining The Facebook to suitemate right now. His music used to be catchy, but he needs to get more variety. I've heard Beenie Man and uhhhhh Young Buck maybe two dozen times a day, it's dumbening me. I was expecting my writing to be more Ulysses-like; that's a great book: I even brought it to my dorm but haven't had time to read any of it all (not that I did at home, either) There's a guy in my intro linguistics class that looks a lot like James Joyce, down to the facial hair and everything. God he's annoying, sucking up to Herr Doktor and asking questions that --- A nerf basketball just hit me. Damn --questions to which the answers are overly obvious. Not that I have anything against him for looking like James Joyce. I picked my glasses because they looked Joycean (My dad has the same glasses as Noam Chomsky). The tiny old Vietnamese woman (7:23) at my optometrists (all the employees have been Vietnamese. Ong, Doan, Tran, Quach, Nguyen, &c. ) said something bizarre about them making me 'look powerful'. It sounded cool at the time, but in retrospect it was really creepy. (8:39) Suitemate probably thinks I'm vaguely antisocial because I'm typing furiously instead of playing Nerf basketball with him and my roommate. The ball just went under my bed; there, he got it. Missed it from as far back as my bed, dropped it again, shot again. I was tempted to bring ummmmm not Ulysses. Finnegan's Wake (no apostrophe, I remembered) up to my room, as my roommate seems not to care that I already have too lofty of literature here (I was afraid of seeming to effete if I was stuck with some anti-intellectual jock from College Station, but it's fine) but I already have enough unread books on my shelf. Not that I don't intend to read it all sometime. Last time I checked I was on page 168 which I think is quite far for something with almost no coherence at all. Somewhere I read that Joyce revised the text continuously, making it more and more obscure and pun-filled and incoherent with each revision. which would make Strauss happy. It's funny what you learn from Harpers Magazine. Apparently the record at shots at the Nerf basketball hoop from printer-desk range is 4. Or maybe 8. Maybe Adam made 8 and David 4? I wasn't really paying attention, but Ooh, my sister just signed onto AIM. We need to try that Mediterranean restaurant on 24th sometime. I occasionally laugh or say something noncommittal or vaguely supportive to show that I'm paying attention to their little basketball game David made 3 now. Adam's trying from distance, missed. Standing right next to me, apparently I'm 3 point range. When I grow up I bet I'll have to patronize my kids similarly. 16:14 I can eat before too terribly long, then I'll have to read for history and such and add this class to mozilla calendar David just backed into me. Ewww This 50 cent song is so violent. At first I thought it was catchy, but really it's just creepy. 17:41 He's putting the Onion volume 14 back on my shelf, upside down. They're leaving for dinner, asked me if I wanted to come, explained psych writing assignment. He doesn't think he like's quesadillas. They're ok, but I prefer them without too much stuff in them. Which they always have, except that it's the do-it-yourself line which should remedy that. So I'll be down in a few seconds. unless the elevators take too long which they do. What else. AIM. Got my course packets today. IT was easier to find but Abel's I had to search for. DONE! | high | high | low | low | low |
Well. Actually, I don not know what should I write down here. I think that this can be a very easy assignment, or this can be a very hard assignment. How stupid! Honestly, today, I asked about it to a TA because I could not totally understand what should I do? I knew that there is no topic, but no topic can mean the huge categories. Anyway, this assignment made me confused. But, interestingly, a American student asked about what she should do for the assignment in the today's class. At that time, I thought two. One is that there is also a person who do not understand the purpose of this assignment like me. And. the other is that "Oh, my god! Don't ask me. Don't ask me. Because I am an international student who came here in America a month ago. So. I am not good at listening to what people say yet, especially in the casual conversation. You know, young American university students talk so fast. Hum~~~ it is a big problem. So, I made her ask the same question three times, and finally, I could tell her what she should do for this assignment. How stupid!! Now. I am in a big dilemma. I have a difficulty keeping up with classes now, but I feel happy and can relax when I meet friends and drink with them. But, I have to study. So, I thought that now, I have to meet lots of friends to learn English instead of only studying in the library to keep up with classes. I thinks it is a great excuse to play. But, what is the priority for me?? Meeting friends to learn English and American culture? Or studying hard to keep up with all classes with no meeting others?? So difficult!! However, I suddenly wonder. Can I deal with both of them perfectly. . . . ?? So confused. Wow, time is almost over. but, I do not much. 36. 37. 38. . . 44. Ok! I have to finish this~~!! | low | high | low | high | low |
I finally got to see Matrix: Revolutions. I don't know what everyone was talking about, saying it was awful. It's funny, everyone I've talked to that loved the 2nd one hated the 3rd one and everyone that hated the 2nd one loved the 3rd one. I'm in the latter category. I've been thinking about why this is the case for a long while now. I think it might have to do with our expectations. I loved the first one. I was waiting for the second one to come out ever since I heard they were making a trilogy. I had good expectations for Reloaded, and I went to the theatre to see it on opening night and I was disappointed. The interesting thing is that about a month earlier, X-Men 2 came out. I liked the first one a lot, but I wasn't waiting with bated breath for the 2nd one to come out (like how it was with Reloaded). My expectations were, shall we say, nonexistent. I hadn't given it a lot of thought about what to expect. When I went to that movie theatre to see it, it blew me away. After about an hour and a half had gone by, I checked my friend's watch because I was worried the movie would end soon. Enough Matrix talk. I just got back from Vegas, and I got to see David Copperfield. Hmmm. It might be interesting to look at what he does from a psychological researcher's standpoint, being an "illusionist" and all. I saw through one of his tricks, though it might have been due to the fact that I'm very proficient in visual media. I think it might be because I've seen all of those Goddamned behind the scenes "documentary" stuff for the extended versions of Fellowship of the Ring and The Two Towers. In a way it's kind of spoiled the tricks that movie makers use. Maybe it would have been better to remain ignorant and enjoy movies strictly on the visual surface. I had a point to this. Copperfield. Yeah, it was fun. I found it interesting that his show used a lot of technological "illusions. " What I mean by that is that he used a lot of video footage or complex audio and video queues in the show. Again, it might've been better if I had remained ignorant of how simple it was to do some of his tricks. The older audience members must have been stumped. Kenji's very cute. He's finally decided to settle down for the, oh, I don't know. Next hour at the most. Whenever I'm on the computer, he tends to sleep on my CD book so that he can still be close to me, but he's chosen a different spot. Instead of being directly to the right of me, he's directly to the left of me. Big difference! Before I'd moved the computer onto where it is now, I had it closer to the bed on Ryan's desk. Ken would spend most of his time while I was on the computer on the corner of my bed. Er, sorry. AMANDA'S bed. I still can't get over the time when I talked to her (a very rare time since the Kerry people have been working her little ass of ever since she moved out and I took her old apartment) and I was so excited that I'd bought this silky linen for, and I quote, "my bed. " "You mean MY bed," she said. "I bought it. You're only keeping the things in that apartment while I'm gone working on the campaign. " Bullshit. When we were kids, do you think we would go around saying to are friends, "Oh, I have to go now. I need to go to my mom's bed. or what I should call my mom's bed, because she bought it even though I sleep in it every night. " Yeesh! She's just being possessive because she really likes to identify herself as being financially independent. I hope she'll get over it, because I really resent the fact that she believes I'm supposed to look around all the furniture in this apartment as hers. For some reason that really bugs me. Ken's awake and about now. It's making it difficult to type now, because he's trying to claw the keyboard while I'm typing. My times up anyway, so tah! | high | low | high | low | high |
well since I have this assignment in front of me it is obviously the first thing I am thinking about. I wonder if the fact that I have been thinking about doing this assignment will affect what I write down. it probably will. like, I knew this would happen. I was thinking as soon as we got the assignment that sex is always on my mind and since this is college, I think it will be ok to mention it. my back itches. I got a sunburn yesterday at the beach. I knew I probably should have put sunscreen on, but I am a procrastinator, so I never got around to it. I kept asking my girlfriend if my back was burning yet, and she kept saying "no", but I guess she couldn't really tell how bad it was. my roommate just asked me what we had to read for this class. I haven't really been keeping up with my reading lately. I skipped class today also just because I didn't feel like waking up on time. my girlfriend probably is not as smart as me, but most of the time she seems like she works harder than me. when we first started going out she never used to get mad at me for anything. now she is always getting mad at me for everything. she used to laugh when ever I would get lost driving around because I have a bad sense of directions, but now she just always yells at me and says "where the fuck are you going". I never get mad at her for things she does to me though. I have infinite almost patience with her. she lost a piece to a puzzle I have had since I was like 2 and all I did was tell her not to worry about it but when ever I do something small like step on her sandal at the mall she gets really pissed off and says "fuck Eric, watch where the fuck your going, that fucking the second time you've done that shit". I wish she was not always like that but I still love her very much. we've been together for nearly a year now so I am pretty sure we can last if we want to. I have economics to do. | high | low | low | high | high |
So I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing with this. just typing I guess. Damn aim. No one ever wants to instant message me until I start doing something. There are so many times when I am just sitting here playing on the computer and doing nothing really, and no one wants to talk. The minute I start doing something productive, there is like five people trying to talk to me at once. All that typing and its only been two minutes. I have no idea what to type. Can your mind really go blank? I mean, I want to use the expression right now, my mind is blank, because I'm not really thinking about anything, but obviously I'm thinking about something because I am typing this stuff. So my mind really isn't blank then. So I guess your mind doesn't really ever go blank. My roommate is funny. I keep picturing her when I walked in the door from class earlier. She was asleep on the couch but she had the pillow on her face. How someone can sleep with a pillow on their face is beyond me. Its looked so funny though. I should have took a picture. I'm really sleepy already and its only going to be seven o'clock in the evening. I am still not used to this getting up early for class stuff. Ah. The new real world is on tonight. I absolutely love watching that show. All the drama. Its interesting to watch. Its kind of sad though I think, the way people love to watch reality shows. I mean, they are not really a true picture of reality. They film for hours and hours and hours, but the show itself is usually only a half hour episode, and they usually only run for a few months, once a week. Can u imagine how much film ends up on the "cutting room floor" as they call it. All the drama and stuff is pretty much made up by producers if you think about it. If not made up completely at least embellished. And its all because of editing. Birthday. Someone on TV just said the word birthday. I'm so excited. My birthday is a week from tomorrow. Yeah! but I also have my dad's birthday next week and my boyfriend's too. And I have no idea what to get them. Actually what to get my boyfriend. My dad is easy. A gift certificate for tools or golf stuff and he is happy. My boyfriend. I don't know. He already has plenty of cologne (did I spell that right?) so I don't want to get him that. And I always buy him clothes. I want to get him something different this time but I have no idea what. And he is going to be 21. Lucky. Everyone is leaving me behind. I am the youngest of a lot of my friends. So now they can all go out to the bars. Without me. So sad. I still have a whole year to go. Bleh I hate waiting. Bleh. Is that a word? I type it a lot on aim. Its my way to say yucky or boring or I don't know. I heard it from somewhere though. I can't remember where. Ha-ha. My roommate is up. I wonder if she knows she was sleeping with a pillow on her face. Because it fell off when I came in. Bleh. I am not looking forward to waking up early tomorrow again. I think we should have a fall break. kind of like spring break. I need my rest. Its only the third week of school and I'm already so exhausted. I need a break. | low | high | high | high | low |
So school has been interesting so far. I've come into this with preconceived notions of what it was going to be like, and I've surprised myself to find that it would be completely different. At the time, I have become increasingly known by a nickname that wasn't even self imposed, I've created a superficial personality that people associate with and attach themselves to. People love "dat Boi Tony" but hey. I guess I'm not too mad about it. it's good in the end, in some ways, and in some ways not. like for example, if I want people to know who I am, then they really do know who I am, and the introductory part of conversation is out of the way, but on the other hand, since people think they know who I am they won't bother to finish out the conversation and actually get to know who I am. really who am I anyway? can it be defined by a label or name? does it matter if I am Anthony Derrell Williams, Tony, or Dat Boi Tony. because some people can remember my name at all. I guess in some facets it really is irrelevant, but nobody really wants to be considered irrelevant. lol. it's like significance drives us, like a since of purpose, much like Agent Smith from the Matrix, but that movie was flawed in itself. It had no purpose. It started out as a great action flick that wanted to mean something in the end, but that just didn't work. However Quentin Tarentino, did it right when I he made Kill Bill, it was a simple plot with a unique character development, and that was the important part. many people thought that it was the action, but it truly was the characters that made the movie. that's why vol. 2 is better than vol. 1, no matter what the next person tells you. sure vol. 1 was composed of the best action sequences since the old Bruce Lee days (who is still better than Jackie Chan and Jet Li), but the story itself is what should draw you. on another note, a friend of mine has been dealing with several issues and decided he would post his thoughts and troubles on the internet for everybody to see, and now he's getting chewed out by a lot of people because nobody really has it in their hearts to really care. The problem here really is that he thinks he is opening his mind, but he really has closed the port and he has yet to mature. he can't take in new ideas or criticisms to better himself, the thinks he is fine as who he is. Emo SUX though. I had no formulated opinion about it until I seen what it is doing to him. he needs help. for real. the funniest part about it, is that my friend ended his cruel convo with him by quoting Nietzsche. "God is Dead. " which is a very interesting quote. a statement made just to test the bounds of control that the state held on the people thought their interpretation of religion. if the person blindly tries to refute the statement without the use of reason. they are a tool, if they inject reason and use logic to prove why God is alive. then they are less of one. the point is, that the religious texts, such as the Koran, the Bible, etc. were written by man (inspired by God), which means they are subject to flaws. inherently and maybe intentionally, if you could tell the people "thus said the lord" and you didn't want them to kill or steal or eat shellfish. then that's what you'd tell them. after all some people read from texts translated by Shakespeare. but I digress. I as a Christian would only have this much to say in return. if God is dead then that is irrefutable evidence to the fact that he existed. And if he truly is God and did exist, Death has no binding power. defining death would then become the point and focus of reason and logic. What is death, what is death to a man, what is death to a beast, what is death to a god. And then I would say. yes, God in the form of man (Jesus) did die, for you and I. there's always a way to explain something in the logical realm, however some people are too closed minded to see even that. Sometimes, philosophy, even pomo philosophy, can be used to solidify faith because it makes somebody question themselves and why the believe what they believe. and if the answers to the self examination are satisfactory. that persons faith has become that much stronger. Well. yester I went to a labor day cookout. and there were some fine ladies there. You never notice how good somebody looks until they try to look good for you. that's the funny part about it all, I don't try that hard enough. I just wonder what other people's perception is of me. could I have had a chance with any of those girls, probably, but not likely. and this is where my reckoning begins. what are these girls looking for. attention? relationships? or just good sex? I could provide them with all 3, but hey there's only a small amount of me to go around. all jokes aside, with the truth being told, I really think attention is the centric thing that girls want. how they translate different actions to be attention is a different story, because girls are all so different. but all so much the same when the picture is generalized and magnified to show detail. and I like to look at detail. that's why I think I might be staying single for a while. even as hard as that is in a place like UT Austin. | high | low | high | low | low |
Oh damn! Wednesday was awesome! please give me some water. My friends are funny and so is this movie the brain is really cool with all its disorders and shit for the love my friends are so sarcastic but I love it and I do it too damn I need to stop smoking I'm like a chimney they joke about killing themselves which is really funny because i9 no they're joking I'm normally a good writer damn sorry. the critic is awesome and my professor is so fucking funny I lived in midland too for awhile cool I'm a psychology major I need gum can I have some. Sweet I got some. I'm not suicidal or anything so don't worry I just sneezed and it hurt I hope I don't wake up my roommate this late I'm tired it seems like all my professors smoke weed. tight! anyways puppies hahahaha anyway I miss my dog and my dead cat I have ocd not surprising I think its genetic but my mom wont admit it and I just realized how much I love them because I could imagine them at my age and relate I almost feel sorry for being so hard on them almost hahahaha I'm hungry I'm good at Spanish TACO C sweet! please help me! just joking again. god damn this is so fucking long oohh sexual stimulation like the rat that was so funny the astros suck dave chappelle rox ooooowwwww shit! that hurt. whatever. the simpsons sweet ummm sleep balh blah balh blah blah I can't think my friends are heavy wow I miss my friend in the air force he says it sux : ( like that insert I like my linguistics class this is all bullshit and so is life. why are we here? oohh too cliché sorry I'm im I'm im I'm I'm im I'm im I'm whatever "because this is my united states of whatever. I don't mind bush or Kerry. they're both right. but I don't see why shit I forgot oh people in Austin are so liberal to the point of offense. maybe I'm blind (not literally) sigh puke? no pee oh. I love the graduate and Donnie darko is my favorite movie ever but I actually saw it when it first came out I like I like I like I like maybe its a hotel sorry took a brake oh I think I can actually relate a lot to the movie because my family is just like that children with problems with drugs (psychiatric or other) in a wealthy family with the money craved superficial mom and many marriages on either side and divorce with children all over the place and step dad lawyer asshole. did good in school mental problems family support of prescription drugs grandmother and | high | low | high | low | high |
my boyfriend is in the room and he stinks like a dirty/sweaty boy. I came over to his apt to do this homework. and then we were going to go to tops as well to get some super cute pictures of ourselves. I am also eating cheetos so it it causing me to type slower than normal. I'm usually a really fast typer, because I've had a computer for a long time. my dad is a programmer so we have always had a computer in our house. he wanted me to do computer science and I did as well, but when I came to UT I found out it is totally wrong for me. I just switched to retail merchandising and I'm not sure if that is right for me either but better than CS was. I think its funny how older people(no offense) are not really connected to the computer. the computer, can do so many wonderful things, I can't even see my life without one. don't think I'm a dork just because I said I was in CS, but take for example doing this homework online. its just so much easier to sit here and type and then turn it in electronically and then its saved to some machine and no one really had to put too much effort into it. it was a very easy/simple task. that's amazing. they said that my generation will spend like 12 years of there life online and I believe it. there is just so much to do online. I feel like I might be typing bad, but I'd like you to excuse that. I'm not really checking spelling and what not just typing. I wonder what you actually look for in these type of things, how you judge people off what they typed and then how you sort them into groups. I mean I'd hate to see what you think of me now, but it would be interesting to see if any of it really matched up to be true. so I totally love Paris Hilton, she is such a riot. I think its funny people don't like her because she has everything and because of the way she acted on her show. but I wont get into that, however she came out with a new book. I want to read it, I think it will be amusing. on a side note, I'm not really sure why I'm eating cheetos, I don't really like them, just every now and then I crave them. I absolutely hate how they make your mouth orange and gross feeling. I just dropped one on my lap and it left that residue and its gross to think that is all in your teeth. I really hope this thing is self timed and not expecting me to be timing myself. I never realized 20 minutes would feel like so long. maybe because I'm starving and I just want to go eat and go to tops, it feels like that. I hate that. how are you suppose to do something that feels like eternity. I feel bad because its like my boyfriend is waiting on me to finish this so we can go. I was going to do it earlier but I was having a hard time getting the pre-screening thing to work. then once I did it takes so freaking long to load each page its like pointless. you almost just want to not look and just click each thing as fast as you can to get it over with, because its so freaking slow. I still have to go back and finish that and I dread it. however, I think my boyfriend is entertained now because I can here he is playing playstation two in the next room. gosh I'm so hungry and this is taking way to long. I have now moved on to goldfish to eat. speaking of eating in that pre screening thing all those questions about food and over eating. wow. I feel bad that so many people have eating disorders, I know quite a few. so many things for girls to be stressed about. I hate how people just think you can diet and loose it all. they think its all just food related. I hate how little kids are so fat today. I wish people would help teach kids how to eat. they let them eat ANYTHING. they are so worried about other things it seems like they forget to teach them about diet and exercise. or they don't set the example themselves. my hair stylist has this really great trick where she only lets her kids have 1 coke aka soda per day and they only get it in the evening if they have done ALL their homework and their daily chore. then they also get a snack sized candy (the little bitty bite size) as a treat as well for doing their homework and stuff and the kids thing that is such a treat. then there are kids who drink like 8 cokes a day. crazy crazy. I wonder what it is like for your generation to look down on us and you probably think we are all lazy. we use the computer for everything and our clothes and music. its just rather funny how everyone is amazed by the last generation. I'm really starting to wonder is this is self timed or computer timed. I can't imagine it not being computer timed. I can't imagine being the person who reads all this crap. it has to get old and what happens if you miss something important? that could suck all that work and you miss a small detail. but that could happen anywhere I guess. I'm so hungry its not funny. I'm glad I don't have to pee or anything that would just suck. I feel like my mind is going blank because I'm so bored. I wonder if people ever fall asleep doing this. it would be easy. gosh its really bothering me the time thing at the top doesn't have any numbers. like its keeping time per say. I'm quitting this at 4 o'clock even if this thing doesn't stop itself because I know I'll be over the time if I wait till 4 so you can't cut my grade cause your thing didn't work. oh crap this clock is fast so I'll quit like 8 min before 4 and that should be even. I feel like I started this at 3:30 hmmmmmm I can't really remember. damn it. this sucks ass. I don't see how this is helping you. just making me get annoyed because I don't know when I started so i dont know when I can end and just go on with my life. I wonder if you really do read all of these or just skim it or run it through a word finder. I feel like this is pointless and I'm past my typing time. I have no concept of time, but I don't know if anyone really does. just depends on what they are doing or what's going on around them and etc. time is a funny thing. more goldfish to cure my growling stomach/boredom. ouch I just kicked the computer or something underneath me. and it hurt. to bad I'm not on my computer cause then I could be laying in bed doing this. wireless and laptops. genius. the count down to me hitting the finish button and quitting all of this is t-minus 3 minutes and counting. 3:55 will be the new time for completion. 3 more minutes. and I'm stumped. I don't know what to type/talk about. ooooooo 2 minutes and counting. ok randomness: I am not sure what I'm going to do tonight, I might go to a party or something, however I'm not going to dress up really cause I'm just feeling a chill vibe. 0ne minute. . and probably have a few drinks, or either rent movies and stay the night in with my boyfriend. sweet guy. not sure we are completely on the same page, but we have years for that to develop. . Times up. | high | high | high | low | high |
So this is the third time that I have tried to do this for some reason my computer is having some problems this morning. Explorer crashed and so I had to reboot my machine which can take a while. It's amazing how slow PC's get after you install Anti-Virus software. In the process of it rebooting I went and made a cup of coffee. Bavarian Hazlenut form HEB, delicious. So I was thinking about this assignment and how it was similar to an assignment I took in a Humanities class a while back. They asked us to spend 20 minutes alone somewhere, anywhere just thinking about anything and making notes. I spent it in the campus parking lot, a wide open space, fairly peaceful, trees swaying in the summer breeze and began making notes, not really sure of the purpose. After the 20 minutes was up I realized that I was much more in tune with all of my senses than at the start. Normally I would walk around just using the sense that were needed, sight, hearing and focused on coordination, driving, etc. During the 20 minute period in the parking lot I became aware much more of my sense of touch, the feel of the paper I was writing on, the smell of my surroundings, the movement of the trees as they swayed in the breeze, I've mentioned that twice now, what does that mean? I just finished my first cup of coffee. My apologies about my spelling. I have a tendency to just type first and ask questions about my spelling later. I don't know how this app handles me jumping back to correct spelling. I hope I'm not confusing it. Probably not. A thought of sunny beaches just jumped into my head for no reason. South Padre on a breezy summer evening. Again this breeze thing, what's with that? In fact I'm thinking about the breeze that may be outside right now. I just went out to feed the cats and it was cool and a little breeze was in the air. Perhaps I need to go outside when I'm done here and soak it up. It's like a vitamin that the body is lacking, eventually you crave something that subconsciously you know gives you that vitamin. For some reason , perhaps I didn't get out enough at the weekend, I need to feel the breeze. Central Market, I have a coupon to Central Market sitting in front of me. I like that place and apparently if I go there this week and spend $30 or more then I can get $10 off rib-eye steaks. The fan spins slowly overhead, a gentle clicking, a low hum, the sound of my typing and then, silence. Why are keyboards so awkward. Isn't there a better way to do this. Surely a Psychologist somewhere has studied this and come up with something, more ergonomic. I'm thinking about my brother. I just spent 2. 5 months in the U. K. during the Summer working for him, selling. They are a web services company. He is the owner and a good guy. He is the glue that keeps many things together. He has 3 kids who are all precious. One has a spine problem and can't walk. That unfortunately is the extent of my knowledge. English people are strange in that they make it hard to communicate simple things to each other. They do things that they think are right but in fact are completely wrong. I got attacked while I was in the U. K. In the street at 8:30 in the morning on Friday the 13th. I was on my way to work and got attacked. The Police there are awful. They just don't care. They are nowhere to be found. In the most obvious situations where you would think they would be they hide and when you least need them they are there to hassle you. I have not been hassled but they are that kind of personality. Just my impression. Power hungry wimps. No idea for the big picture, just CYA and demonstrate what little power you have. Why can't they quantities the biggest problems and formulate a response and go about resolving it. Did you know that England has now clearly taken over the spot of the capitol for drunks in Europe. The British government will be introducing laws next year to combat the problem. Why do they not have a public intoxication law now???? You can be drunk in the street hassling old ladies and get away with it while the police stand by and chat to one another!!!! Well my time is almost up in fact a notice just came up. Time to go. Hope this has not been boring. Have a great day. Go USA!!! | high | high | low | high | low |
I don't know why, but for some reason I am extremely nervous about this writing assignment. It most likely won't even be read! Random, but I started thinking about what an awful driver I am in Austin. All of the one way streets and stop signs that people don't stop at are very overwhelming. I've already ran two red lights. whoops. Since this writing assignment is online, I can't help but read the instant messages that pop up while I'm typing. I love talking to people online, I think I'm addicted. It really is a great way to keep in touch with friends and family now that we are all living in different cities. Especially since two of my best friends are still in high school and my younger sister is a freshman in high school, I can talk to them all at the same time. It is very convenient. Since coming to college I have become obsessed with downloading music from itunes. Tomorrow night the Sig Eps are having an 80's theme party, so last night I spent about an hour downloading hit songs from the 80's. My friends and I are going to have a pre- dance party in my dorm room. It will be awesome. Today my friend Melanie and I went shopping at thrift stores to find 80's garb. I found the best 80's pumps for only six dollars. Can you say jackpot? I think my favorite 80's song right now has to be Jessie's Girl by Rick Springstein. I wish I was Jessie's girl, because then I would date his best friend. Speaking of dating, I think dating in college is going to be rather difficult considering there are approximately 50 gorgeous girls on campus to every one attractive guy. Not that looks are everything, but that is what generally draws two people together to start talking. Actually I think that is usually the case, but I am definitely drawn to the shy awkward boys as opposed to the attractive hard asses. Racquetball is my new favorite sport. I have played five times since I've been here. It's really the best work out. It's so much better than running for 20 minutes. just play racquetball for 45 minutes and you can't breath. It's such a great feeling. I have had a few complaints though, because I tend to accidentally hit the person I am playing with a little too often than necessary. I've hit my sister like twice and I couldn't even guess how many times I've hit Christy. Whoops! I love going to concerts. They are probably on my top 5 favorite things to do list, along with snowboarding, eating, sleeping, and dancing. I wish we had some snow nearby, but I would hate to live in the cold so I guess I don't really want snow close by. I almost went to school in Boulder, Colorado but I realized I would have to wear about 5 layers of clothing just to walk to class and I decided it just wasn't worth it. I am a Texan, if I didn't break a sweat between classes I don't know what I would do with myself. I can't wait to take trips over the holidays with my new college friends. I have been looking forward to that for a | high | low | high | high | low |
I am currently thinking about how ready I am to go home this weekend. I didn't go home for labor day weekend because my girlfriend came here to visit me. I can't wait to see her and see if she is feeling better. She has been sick for the last four days. I also can't wait to drive my new car. I just got it this summer but I haven't been able to drive it because I don't want to bring it to Austin. I wonder what we are going to do in Psychology today? I wonder if he is going to do another demonstration like he did last class? I just drew a blank and can't think of what to say next. I really want to go watch a movie this weekend because I haven't went to the movies in a really long time. I wonder what I will buy Kim for her birthday in December? Probably some flowers and some chocolate and maybe buy her a gift certificate to get a massage. I wonder what she will buy me for Christmas? She said it was something I have been wanting but I didn't know I have been wanting anything. I hope the camera I bought on Saturday is going to be here this week. I bought the new Sony DSC-T1 which is the credit card size digital camera sony makes. I can't wait to get it I have been wanting the camera now for six months. I miss my 1967 Camaro. I restored it this year and during the summer I went to Florida and traded it in for a 2002 SS Camaro. Wow what a change that car hauls butt and is nice because it has air conditioning which the 67 didn't. I still have my 68 Camaro and I will probably be wanting to restore that one pretty soon. My dream is to be a Orthodontist and I can't stop thinking about if and when I will realize if this dream could be a reality. I know I have to wait 3 more years to apply to dental school but I can't tell if I will have high enough grades to get accepted. I really hope my Chemistry class isn't as hard as I am making it out to be. I took Chemistry AP last year in high school so I would be prepared but I feel a little discouraged. I wonder what experiments I will sign up for in Psychology. I have been looking but I haven't found one with my interest? I wonder if my dad is really going to help me get a racecar because I have always wanted to race and two weeks ago we went to the track to see if we were interested and my dad said we probably will race next year. My father raced when he was my age and I have always wanted to follow in his footsteps. He was very good and I have seen proof from the programs that he was in. I am starting to smell the food I just recently cooked. It smells like pizza. Maybe because that's what I fixed. DUH. My eyes are starting to hurt from looking at the screen without looking away. I am getting really annoyed by the people living on the top floor. They keep making noise. It sounds like an elephant is walking on top of me. It is disrupting my train of thought. I am really hoping that tonight I can take a break and not have to do any homework. | low | high | low | low | high |
wow I just turned on my music a little too loud. that really scared me for a second. let's get this straightened out a bit I'm so glad I'm listening to this cd it reminds me of Chris, who I miss terribly at the moment. I wonder why he didn't call me back last night well I guess it was really late and he probably had stuff to do, his chemistry homework and stuff like that. I think it's really funny that his roommate's name is hank and he's Chinese, that's just funny. my feet are really cold even though I have on socks and my slippers I guess it's just that I always get really cold in hardin house I don't know why they keep it like a refrigerator in here. everything's going to be alright, rockabye. I like this song a lot. all her friends tell her she's so pretty, she'd be a whole lot prettier if she smiled once in a while. so Fiji has a foam party planned for tomorrow night and I think that's going to be a lot of fun, except I don't know, the thought of being in a room of foam really freaks me out. I get really claustrophobic, especially when I feel like I can't breathe, kind of like when I go to sleep and I like to pull the covers up over me but I always have to make sure there's a way for a lot of air to get in and out because otherwise it just freaks me out. anyways, I think it'll be fun but I'm not sure if I'm going to get in the whole way. I've been in a whiteout once, that one in beaver creek or wait no it was park city and that was so scary, I kind of think this would be like that except a lot closer and like in your face, and hopefully not as cold. though part of what makes me claustrophobic is when you get all hot and everything as well as not being able to breathe, like you feel like you can't get any fresh air like a breeze or anything. but I still really want to go in just for a minute to say I've done it. but Leila was telling me about how people like do stuff in the foam, and I don't know I'm worried because mark is a Fiji which makes me kind of not want to go over there I wonder why he's been telling his friends about me I really don't like that because I really don't like him and I know he likes me but he's kind of crazy and obsessive almost, though he's really nice, it just seems like he tries way too hard. like too hard to be so interested in your conversation and be listening and just making that "hmmmmmm. interesting. " like too pleasant psychologist kind of face that makes me think he's like analyzing everything I say, like I sound stupid but he's just not saying anything kind thing. I don't know I just really don't like that at all. and I think he's a little gay. well maybe not gay, but definitely metro. I think it's really funny that I've spelled definitely my whole life, and it's always been wrong but I just can't retrain myself to get it right. kind of like weird or weird. I still get them mixed up because I know I used to always write it one way and it was wrong, but now I don't know which way is right because I can never remember if I ever actually fixed it or not. I think it's weird. weird. whatever. weird. that looks a lot more right than the other way so hey we're going to go with that. I don't know what I think about will. he's also a Fiji, so if I go to foam I get to see him but I also have to deal with mark, so that's kind of like a double-edged-sword-damned if you do damned if you don't situation. I got sick of the hyphens. anyways, I think he's a really sweet guy and all, but he's just so quiet! but at the same time it's like I'm drawn to him almost because he's a dry pledge and he's cute but not all at the same time, I'm sick of this song and I'm changing it this one is happier but back to will I just don't know what I think of him. or that. whatever. I am leaving cause I love you, I am leaving cause I don't and I'm hoping you will follow and I'm praying that you won't let me go. I want to know who sings this song, Chris never told me. I still can't believe he made me all those cds on the night he left it was really fun to talk to bo yesterday, I really liked talking to him he seemed so lonely and desperate to talk to someone his own age. I miss bo. I could never tell if he really liked me or not, kind of like Travis, because it always seemed like we had the same kind of conversation every time, like hey bo how you doing I'm good ok talk to you later awkwardness kind of thing. I don't know. scratch my neck. anyways I never really knew about that but I've always liked him, 3ven after he insulted the cake at my 16th birthday party, I can't believe he didn't remember that at all and I thought it was so funny that he was just completely horrified at himself. I love that story, it's almost as classic as the cookie analogy from homecoming my sophomore year when he and Chris both wanted to ask me, and then after that when bo liked me and I liked Chris and they were fighting over me. I wonder if it was right that I brought it up that last night we were all together that was so much fun I can't believe I actually stayed there until 4 in the morning and I'm glad Chris never lit his cigar up around me that really would have made me mad even though I know bo really wanted him to, I'm glad bo didn't force the issue too much though because I would have felt bad but I didn't want him to do that around me I hate smoking so much I hope Andrew quits it'll kill him I think it's so funny that Leila figured out that he was the guy that was making out with marry at the Fiji island party, I'm glad I wasn't there because I think I would have been really embarrassed. I guess that's part of the thing about always being the sober one at different places. it's a lot of fun because you can laugh at the people that are just getting really drunk and doing stupid things but at the same time you have to take care of people and it's like you get embarrassed for them because they just have no idea what they're doing. but I like not drinking, and I like feeling like I don't have to and people accept that. it's really kind of nice wow I only have like 3 and a half minutes left that's pretty cool. but I sure am getting there. two dimes in the telephone alright, no it's not easy tonight. good song I really do love this cd I wonder if Michelle is ever going to get me that nello cd, I really would love that. or maybe if Chris could give me the cd that has that new nello song on it I loved that. he first played that for me outside of casey's house. what were we doing over there? were we going to a concert or something. maybe? I don't remember. ha-ha Hailey used to always say we went over there to see casey's brothers. they're so hot. but Kevin's married now. I don't like how I just sounded like a bimbo there I really am smart I promise. I feel really stupid in my world lit class though because I've never taken Latin and I haven't studied Greek, and I don't know I just feel like I'm behind the ball here on Dante's inferno. I like the book a lot but I'm worried about the first paper that we have due in a few weeks. starting a paper and getting the initial idea is always the worst part by far. so don't make the wrong impression I don't want raffa to think I'm like stupid it's like in hagood's class though I guess I just have to learn when to speak up, it's like I'm wow that just interrupted me and I had no idea where I was going. . I guess I just get writing and I have to get really into the stream of consciousness without letting myself put myself into editor mode. I guess that's what I have to do when I start writing a paper because instinctively I start editing myself before I even begin and then I just end up never really getting anywhere. well I'm done here. goodbye. | high | high | high | high | low |
Damn, I'm really hungry. My girlfriend was really hungry too, so she came over to make some Spaghetti. I guess it's already almost 6pm, so dinner wouldn't be a bad thing. In fact, it would be a good thing. It's pretty hot outside today. I have a horrible crick in my neck. Almost like I've been looking in the same direction for ages and never had my hinges oiled. When I look to the left, it all seems to go away. Perhaps I should start sitting on the other side of the classrooms. I should start studying more often. I passed my Computer Proficiency Test today. not like I was terribly worried about it though. I had my first quiz at UT today as well. I ended up reading for my Financial Accounting class for an hour and a half at the AIM reading room at the school of business. I did a few homework problems at the end, but didn't finish them. If I would have been reading for my MIS class, I probably would have been prepared for the quiz. It's pretty straightforward stuff though--especially with me being a certified Microsoft and Citrix network administrator. My roommate Chad has been really sketchy lately. I think it has to do with the fact that we moved in together as 'eligible bachelors' after both breaking up from serious relationships. DAMN, those Italian herbs smell really good. It's making my mouth start to water really bad. I took a painting class last semester and did a few works -- one of them is sitting on my desk and keeps catching my attention. I also have a double Dave's cup on my desk -- which is one of my favorite places to eat. I think I'm going to turn some music on now [empty thoughts] I'm now listening to the sound of 311 (their self titled album to be more specific) I wonder if you all will actually read these. My thought pattern seems to have become more spaced out since I've started listening to the music. Oop--now it's picking up again. I have a stack of CD's on top of my monitor. Do you? Do you have a stack of anything? I once saw a stack of hay at my friends ranch. The code to their ranch was 1991, because that's the year they purchased it. The funny thing is, he now incorporated that number plus the first initial of him, his mom, his dad, and his two dogs into being his screen name. This sucks that the time is going by so slowly. At first it seemed to pass by really quickly--with the lines of text slowly appearing, but the time going by in increments of 30 seconds. The spaghetti is ready. Damnit, I'm hungry but I have to sit here for a little while more and type to no one. I wonder why brass was chosen as a doorknob color. Maybe because it looks similar to gold -- and gold is a precious commodity. My stomach feels like it's burning right now. Those aromas are filling my nose. WOOOOO HOOOOO! My girlfriend, Laura, just brought me a plate full of Spaghetti and Meatballs. to have a bite As much as I really want to sit here and keep typing, I think I'm going to grab a drink to pair with my spaghetti. Dr Pepper is pretty awesome. I can type and watch TV at the same time. I never thought being able to type without looking would be that good of a thing Now I get to use it while trying to complete my psychology assignment. Yeeeaaaah! The assignment is over. | high | high | high | low | low |
this writing assignment is very interesting. it is strange how it is somewhat difficult to simply write whatever I am thinking. sometimes it is hard to tell. I really need to catch up on some of my homework. I also need to find a job. high school was so much different than college is. that isn't necessarily a bad thing. just different. I like living in Austin. there is much more to do than there is in a town of under 300 people. I am hungry. where should I eat lunch today. my parents are coming down this weekend. I think I'll leave. to many people in a little apartment. I don't really think I could handle it. I got a cat. well a kitten actually. to keep my company. it whines a lot. and likes to crawl up my leg. I haven't really talked to that many people from back home since I have been here. but that doesn't really bother me. I need new people. meeting people here is harder than I thought it would be. I figured since this is a huge campus that it would be easy and just kind of happen. but it turns out I think I might actually have to make an effort to meet new people. I really need to find a job. hopefully on-campus. that would be great. I am looking forward to psychology class today. it is interesting. I want to learn how people think. because I wish I knew a lot of the time. but I don't really think that is something you can learn. because everyone's mind works differently, so how can you learn how people think if it not the same with any one person? how can you know the emotions and thoughts of the people around you? I have a hard time knowing the thoughts and emotions of my closest friends. and even myself at times. the mind is so complex. I have thought about majoring in psychology. I just wish I had some clue as to what I want to do with my life. it's like I am here, in college, finally, and I have no idea what to do with it. I guess I will figure it out. I just get tired of waiting for that sudden thought to just pop into my head and me know that is what I want to do for the rest of my life. that's a long time. I want to do something I enjoy. somewhere where I will be happy. but I guess that is what everybody wants. but why do some people find that, and not others. what makes the lucky ones different. I guess if everyone did what the wanted then there would be nobody to do the dirty work. but it just seems unfair that some have it so could. and some can never find that place where they feel content. does that place really exist? I think so. I don't think I have quite found it though. I think I will though. maybe I'll be one of those lucky ones. I miss Jason. is this going to work? do I want it to? I do but there are so many things to experience here. will it change me? he thinks so. but I don't know. maybe it will. maybe it should. but where does that leave us? is there an us? I have no idea how to handle that situation. my parents are going crazy. they miss me so much. I miss them, but am relieved to not be in there household anymore. I needed some freedom. I need to learn to live on my own. I really don't want a job though. it will be hard to balance work and school and homework. but I need to money. I guess I have to eat and pay rent. I am really getting hungry. I am not really that tired considering I got up at 7 this morning. surprising. I haven't even taken a nap. I don't think I will. I rode the shuttle from my apartment this morning. I usually drive. but I can't afford to pay $7 everyday. it wasn't that bad. but I didn't really know where it was going to take me. but I made it to class on time. and didn't have to walk that far. I just hope I am able to catch it this afternoon. I think I know where it will pick me up. but I don't know what time it runs really. and how late it runs. but I should be done here around 5. cause I have a class from 3:30 till 5. I really need to go to the gym. I think I am going to talk some dance classes. that sounds like fun. and I bet it will help me meet more people. I need to talk to Jason. let him know I care and that I think about him a lot. I know he worries. I worry to. I need to quit stressing about everything so much. I worry myself to much. I guess that is human nature though. who knows what human nature really is. maybe that is just an excuse for the way we act. I know I use it as an excuse at times. that's kind of sad. but I guess everyone probably does. wow my times almost up. that didn't seem like 20 minutes. when you just start letting your thoughts go I guess time goes by pretty quickly. I think I might take a nap. but I have more homework that needs to be done. dang there is so much reading. I get tired | high | high | high | low | low |
I am watching an episode of Mad TV and they were doing a parody on the whole parish priest / alterboy thing, singing Nelly's "Hot in Herre". The whole thing makes me sick when I think about it. My desktop died on me while I was up at UT and I am shopping for a new computer. The soonest I could get one would probably be Christmas, because of the long delay in shipping and the safety issues of shipping it to home and having no one there to sign for it and shipping it to the dorm where someone might take it and I would never see it. But it really sucks that my desktop would just crap out like it did. At least I still have my laptop, even thought it is a brick, weighing over 10 pounds, but I chose it and paid for it. All in all, life on the computer side just sucks. I wrote this during Labor Day long weekend, so I just sitting here at home in Houston until tomorrow when I go back to Austin for a long haul, as I call it where I don't go back home until another holiday/long weekend. But I don't mind, I really enjoy living in Austin, although the dorm I live in sucks due to construction noises. I have late classes on TTH and I don't get up until like 11, but I still am awakened by construction at 10 or so. Even though I didn't know my roommate until I move in with him, I do not regret going potluck. He is pretty cool, and he respects my wishes and I do the same for him. He has early classes on the same days that I do, so he doesn't bother me when he gets up in the morning, and I don't bother him when I wake up, because he has the same classes at the same times as I do. So that is cool. It's an oddity that I am writing this, for I do not really know how to write papers. So I decided to write this like I would for my blog on LiveJournal, like I am writing to my best friends. When I get back to Austin, I need to get my Calculus book and maybe find a movie that me and my friends can go to, just as kind of a day off thing to kill time before the daily grind starts again. Sadly II feel like this after only one and a half weeks of school at UT, into my freshman year. But the work is not the problem, the problem is the walking, but I will have to just get used to that aspect of UT. | high | low | high | high | low |
Ok, well here we are. Typing away at our writing assignment. YAY! I hope I'm doing this right. The TV. is really distracting me right now. Not so much that I can't type, but I keep thinking about Abe Lincoln. I love that guy. He's tall. Tall I sure as hell am not tall. That's a shame too, I could have a good tall guy. GEEZE, it's only been two minutes. This sucks. Now, now, give it a chance. I hate you. Shut up. Ok so lets see here. I like apple sauce. Definitely going to have me some apple sauce as soon as am done with this assignment. I have a giant jar of apple sauce sitting in my frig. Hate people. They're so stupid. I hate the way they act and treat others. Ah. I'm rambling, stop it. Ok lets see, I like toys. Toys are fun. I remember the good old days when Christmas was all about the toys. Now Christmas sucks. I hate Christmas so much. I hate the way we have to spend time with the family, I hate all the cheery people, and I hate how everyone is happier than me. I mean if people would just concentrate on . I hate my roommate. Always drinking my water. Why must he touch my stuff without asking. Sorry he just walked in and I remembered that he took my water bottle. Crap, where was I, Christmas blows! It's just I think people have forgot the real me, I just saw some breast on the TV. and now I've lost tract of what I was saying. Ah yes, Christmas angers me. It's just that people, I think, celebrate jolly old saint Nicholas and the bright lights and trees, more than the birth of Jesus. I'm sorry know I'm watching ROCKY IV on TV. I love rocky, he's amazing. I even named my dog Rocky in honor of Sly. Wow not even ten minutes. Well I'm just saying I'd be happier with Christmas if people just went to church all day on Christmas than celebrate Santa Crap. Oh no, I'm talking to myself again, blast I hate when I do that. DING DING, sorry, it's a line in Rocky IV. Favorite line in ROCKY IV, "Age before beauty," as Apollo Creed lets Rocky, fucking roommate took my boxers. Sorry I just pressed enter as if I was sending a message on instant messi, how do you spell messenger, oh there we go. It's just he was shopping for boxers, and I found a pair that I liked and then. we weren't shopping alone, we had to girls with us, (just for the record. ) anyways, what, ah I liked a pair and. wait, I think I'm screwing up the assignment. QUICK ding dong the witch is dead, the witch is dead. I'm tired and I'm really really dumb. Hi my name is the undead and I like sleeping. ok lost train of thought there. hmmmmmmm, pizza rolls. I smell pizza rolls because my roommate just made some, probably mine that he stole, fucking ass. I want to be an actor. I love that they made five Rockys, I wish I had an accent, like a scottish or german one. The word Finish looks German. I tried learning German, FOR THAT FUCKING WHORE!!!!!!! I hate everything. Especially her. Not really, I actually love her(possibly), I just grrr. , hate that time of my life. I wish I was six feet tall, that would be badass. Hot, now there's a funny word, sorry I just heard the word hot on TV. Now Lacrosse, there's a fun sport. I hope I get to play sometime , fucking roommate always distracting me. NO NO, he cool, it's just I. Get back on tract. School is very educational to me. I like it. Now drugs are bad, very very bad. I got to start eating better, much better. YAHOOO, almost done. I'm not even sure what I've written about, but you know what, it doesn't matter, because I own shit and I run shit. Peace | low | low | low | low | high |
Hello, my name is Jason. I felt like I needed to introduce myself since someone will be reading this assignment, and I am not familiar with that person. Anyhow, lets talk about some stuff. Hmm, where should I begin? I was born in Alice. If your thinking this is like a biography, then I think that you will be wrong. However, back to what I was saying. I don't really like traveling to Alice, TX. I find it kind of boring because I don't have anyone over there that is my age. All of my relatives are much older than I. These people don't tend to interest me because they are always bogged down with the problems that they create. Lets talk about my uncle for instance. I will not mention his name, however, he was. I mean is a drug addict and is constantly in and out of jail. Why would I be interested in going and visiting him unless I wanted some crack or something? He is a liar anyways, and I don't like affiliating myself with those kinds of people. Speaking of the kind of people I affiliate (if that's even how u spell the word) myself with, I think that I accidentally roomed with a gay person this semester. Had to look over my shoulder to make sure he's not behind me or something. However, he makes a lot of homosexual remarks, and although he says he is just playing, I think he does it all too frequently to be playing around. Anyways, I'm sick of talking about him because that guy is more and more annoying everyday. Lets talk about my big brother. Now this guy is someone who has his crap cut out. This is the reason that I look up to him. He knows how to manage his time, talk to his gf on the telephone for hours at a time, go out on the weekends, and still get all A's! I have to admit that I am somewhat jealous. However, he does help me out and gives really great advice. When he tutors me, I feel like he teaches better than a lot of professors. Maybe this is because he has known me for so long and knows how I retain material. He is two years older than me, but I am tired of talking about him because he always hogs the damn spotlight. Lets talk about my boxing, because that always gets me the respect and acknowledgement that I feel is so precious to a person. I hated not being respected. It made me sick to my stomach when someone would cut me in line or throw a pencil or whatnot at me and I couldn't do anything about it because that person had a physical strength advantage over me. However, I put an end to all that crap when I joined the boxing team in the summer of my freshman year in high school. I learned how to fight the hard way though. My coach sucked and didn't teach me a thing, so I just kept fighting and watching fights and picked up on different styles and tricks of the trade. I adopted a slugger's style of fighting. The reason is because my foot movement was never all that great. My strength began to get developed when I began lifting weights in my freshman year, and it suited my fighting style great. That year, a couple of kids decided to mess with me, so I took them to the mat room (part of the gym in my high school), and floored them one by one. Man it was great, the respect that those fights generated was awesome. From then on out, word of mouth about those fights got me my respect. I didn't even have to fight anymore! But I kept on because I got too competitive and I kind of liked it. Currently, I'm undefeated in my hometown. However, I was just an average fighter when it came to the Golden Gloves. I stopped when I started college. That's enough of that. My father is the next person I want to discuss. He has worked his way from rock bottom, and I admire that. He slept in a car for 6 months and bathed in a nearby river when he was working in maintenance away (for a railroad company called Southern Pacific). He helps us out so much and he's funding my tuition for college all by himself (cause my mom divorced him a couple of years ago). I still love her and all, I just don't agree with anything she does. She seems to have tunnel vision, u know what I mean? Let me explain because my time here is almost up. She is one of those people who will see something she wants, and direct all of her attention to acquiring that one thing, no matter who she hurts. Today she seems more like a stranger, cause I don't see her all that much. She didn't invite me to her wedding. My time is up. Talk to u later. Bye | high | low | low | low | low |
I just failed my chemistry quiz. I feel . depressed? I could have gotten the correct answer it was just that I was answering the question incorrectly. At first I thought it was the TA's fault, maybe she done the test wrong. But as I was turning in the quiz I finally realized that I had been solving for the wrong question. Hey there's a squirrel with a piece of pizza that is bigger than him !! Ha-ha, cute. Anyways, I was turning in the quiz when I realized this. Oh well it was too late anyways. I wonder if that's how it feels when you die and go to heaven and actually realize you were praying for the wrong person or to no one at all. Just a waste of time. There's a lot of people around here, thank you the group of people that came up with wireless internet. There's really nothing much going around in my mind right now, except for the whole feeling guilty/depressed for failing that chem quiz. I went to the HPO to pick up the application for the JAMP program they want at least a 3. 25 gpa and 3. 0 gpa in the science areas in order to be admitted into it. I already failed my chem quiz , what to do. I have a test next week in chemistry, hopefully I will learn from my previous mistakes in my quiz and I will get an A . Hhahaha, squirrels they are so funny and cute, they are everywhere around this campus, that's what I love about it here, the whole not so dirty as Houston thing going on . Its so clean , well around here it is still haven't seen the rest of Austin. I bet squirrels back at home wouldn't even come up this close as the ones in here do, What is love. I have been thinking about that , I want to believe my practical side and think that it is nothing but a bunch of hormones hitting your pleasure area in the brain. Or that love is just conformity, you find someone stay with them because you never want to be alone again. Or is love really something else, do we stay alive for it? Is it really forever even after you die? Maybe that's just something we want to believe in because we are also afraid of being alone even after we die. Do we really need love to be happy? I mean love as in an "only one" your significant other, do we really need that kind of love to be happy in life , or is it really just another experience we go through? What is love to women? Are they just trying to find another paternal figure in their life in order to replace the one they had when they were young? I mean think about it, if a girl had a bad experience with her dad, she'd view all men the same. So lets say she lost her respect for him, we'll she then lose respect for all men? Will she be able to be in a healthy relationship? All these questions, and I can't type fast. I'm a slow typer. But yeah, why are we here anyways. Is life nothing but insignificant events that happen in no random order and were really just nothing at all. I mean I'm sure if all of humanity died, the earth would still spin, maybe the earth will be better with out all of us. Sometimes we think we are the center of the universe. But really we are nothing at all, just a speck in the abyss of the dark universe. Ew, there was some stuff on my hands where did it come from. Maybe a bird pooped on me, you can't trust those birds. I rubbed it all over my forehead, maybe I should check what it is, wait I have to finish this thing. I'm thinking about majoring in some other field now, like psychology, but I love my current HAHAHAHA there is a squirrel in the trash can !! HOW CUTE. So psychology sounds interesting buy I also looooooooove biology. Maybe there's a biopsychology major out there, I mean biology and psychology do go in hand right? | high | low | low | low | low |
Right now I'm feeling overwhelmed at all the work that has been given to me. There is so much reading that I have to get done and so little time with all the classes I am taking. Right now I am thinking of a way to manage my time and get everything done. Right now I am hearing dead silence as my roommates and I are all studying in the same room. I am also hearing the fan and the doors slam from others people who are down the hall from me. Right now I am feeling very tired and my eyes are about to shut but I'm trying my best to stay awake. As I type, I'm thinking about other work that needs to be done by tomorrow and wondering if I'm ever going to get that done tonight. At this instant I'm noticing how there are so many pictures of friends in front of me and how much I miss them. I'm wondering about how tomorrow's classes are going to be and what other will be assigned for that day. I am also thinking about how hard my classes are and how I am going to pass them. I'm trying to figure out a way to manage my time, a way to prevent me from procrastinate, and a way to stay in control with my study habits. Right now I also feel sad because I really miss my family. It's so hard for me to be away from them because I'm so close to them. I especially miss my little bother and little sister. They always make me laugh. Today my day was tough. I hardly understood what was going on in there so I had to stay after class and ask questions. As for my critical thinking seminar, I had a hard time participating mainly because of what the topic was about. Right now I'm hearing no noise at all and it's just making me tired. I feel very cold right now because the fan is right in front of me and it's making my eyes dry. | low | high | high | high | high |
ok, so I guess I just type here. for twenty minutes. Hrm interesting you know I think this will get very boring really fast. (and my roommate asks "so you just write? anything? crazy dude") wow. I thought at least something would come but er. Never mind. I do not know really what to write about. great and only a minute and a half into it. er. hrm, maybe write about this computer, or the fact that I do not have one yet. that sucks. in college and I have to either go to a lab or use someone else's computer while constantly I see others around on their own machines. I have a phone call! yay. my 'mentor' telling me about an event in front of ECJ. weird trying to type and talk at the same time about two completely off different things. eh. phone's off. coming on five minutes now. almost. So I was early. you know this can't all be that interesting typing for a solid twenty minutes. most of these papers must be extremely boring. unless someone goes off and just starts telling a story or something. hrm, sounds like maybe something to do. well, it all began a long time ago. well, long in the sense that they were young when it began; that time period to others may just be what they consider a few years or so. (did you know that is you try to hit tab to indent it takes you out of the typing window. very annoying I must say) (I need a name. Er, Samsung monitor, ok the character's name is Sam) Sam had been a small child when his father disappeared, therefore he had little memory of him. all he could think of was being told stories as he was falling asleep or going to the occasional trip to the park. nothing really stood out to tell him what his father was like. many others that had known his father would tell him that he was an odd person, constantly coming up with random ideas or running off to work on something new and exciting, except that no one ever knew exactly what he ran off to do. they also told him of when his father was younger; he would disappear for days on end, supposedly off camping or exploring by himself, and would return different. how different, they could not quite say, but something changed in him. , not always for the better. often he would come back slightly depressed or would remain to himself for weeks, but after time, he would return to his energetic self. (I notice I seem to misspell quite a bit and even though I try to catch and fix the word as I type it, some words do get through without my notice and I'd rather not go back and change them. Also I tend not to capitalize much when typing. this is probably due to the fact that I have grown to accustomed to writing in Word and it will capitalize certain things automatically; that and I am usually too lazy to remember to do so. ) After Sam's father disappeared the last time, his mother fell into a strange illness. there was not a doctor who they could find who could explain the sickness. it was as if something from another world. Something definitely there but not | high | low | low | high | low |
well I guess I am just supposed to start writing. Well I will start by telling this computer about my day. Today I went to class, well first I was supposed to wake up at 5:45 am but instead I pushed my snooze button one too many times and ended up sleeping until 6:45,my bus leaves at 7:00. So I missed my bus, the third time this school year, I just can't seem to get it together. But anyways I arrived to my class 25 minutes late, and since it was my third time late to this class it was slightly embarrassing, especially since the only two doors into the classroom are right where the teacher is teaching. So I slowly made my entrance and went and sat in the back of the class, and for once I didn't fall asleep! AMAZING! I then decided to do my chemistry homework that I thought was due today but its really not due till Thursday. So I wasted my time off doing homework that wasn't even due, not like I understood much of it anyways. Well so then I was out of school for the day! My boyfriend, John, doesn't get out of class until 1:15 and it was only 12:30 so I decided to go to Barnes and Nobles and finish reading an interesting book I had started a week ago. Its called "A Boy Called It" its actually a very upsetting book because its about this boy who endured horrible child abuse for the better part of his childhood. His mother was basically insane. She played horrible games with him, like making him burn his own arm over the stove, making him eat his brother's dirty diaper, and starving him to death, not to mention beating him to a pulp everyday. And his family just stood by and watched him take it. What kind of father could watch his son be abused like that and not do anything? That just makes me sick. Well so anyways I almost finished the book when John called and picked me up so we could hang out. So we watched Hannibal. Oh what a creepy movie! The grossest part was when he took the scalp off one cop and scooped out some of his brain while he was still alive. AND THEN, fed it to him! It was pretty disgusting. So after that we just kind of hung around his house doing nothing, but I love the fact that I can just do nothing with him and not be bored. But oh the drama that our relationship has caused with our friends! I don't even want to get into it. HMMM I'm thinking about going downstairs and getting myself another cookie, I'm addicted! I'm a chocoholic! But seriously I need to start working out, or eating less or something because I'm feeling a little on the chunky side. Maybe tomorrow I will do that. Yea right, like I have the time. I'll just starve myself, naw those cookies are just too darn good! I'm so happy that this medication I'm taking is finally feeling like its working! I'm so tired of feeling sad and depressed all the time, and a couple nights ago I just took it way too far. The thought of cutting myself again just makes me sick now. So I'm getting better! I think its funny that Professor Pennebaker told us not to make this a cry for help, because a few weeks ago it might have been and I would have been one of the lost causes. Wow, that cookie really sounds good. This music also sounds good, I like music a lot, it just seems like a great way to express yourself! Even though I don't play anything, and I can't sing worth crap I like to listen to music as a release. Right now I'm very into alternative rock and new age rock. Last night I downloaded 6 hours worth of music onto this computer so now I'm set for life! Nirvana is a cool band, too bad Kurt Cobain killed himself he was a great musician! He killed himself on my birthday, how weird is that? Speaking of birthdays I need to get my mom a birthday present! Maybe I will have time on Thursday before Defensive driving class! I sure hope so. | high | low | high | low | high |
It smells really good in my apartment. My roommate's girlfriend is making chicken and I'm cooking out. I love Monday night football. Its on tonight. it is Thursday night but this is the opening game but abc is covering the game. watching football is putting me in a good mood. I am in the process of cooking out on the grill. I'm really tired right now but I have a test tomorrow. last night I had like three hockey games. on real game and then the school team, we had practice. we got a new dog and it sometimes keeps me up at night. he is a jack russel terrier and his name is miller. the washing machine is going and it is really loud. just like the dishwasher. the patriots are winning now they just kicked a field goal. my girlfriend is doing her homework over in the dining room. I wonder what she is working on. the dishwasher stopped and now it is quiet in here. john madden annoys me. I'm not really watching the game because I'm doing this but I hear him commenting on the game. all he does is state the obvious. I don't need to hear him tell me what I just saw. I can believe he gets paid. I hope I get a good job like that were I get paid very well and the job can be fun. it just got really hot in my apartment really fast. I need to turn down the thermostat. I don't want to study tonight. I just want to chill. I am worrying occasionally because I changed my major and I am now trying to get into upper division. my new major is sport management. it used to be economics. a beer would great right now. I just saw a Coors light commercial. that's good advertising. well I'm halfway done with this thing. there is not much to say I just keep thinking of the same things. I hope Texas football wins this weekend. Arkansas beat us last year but I think we will beat them this year. I need to go put the meat on the grill because I am hungry. I have to do this for 7 more minutes then I can do that. I'm cooking this really good sausage that my girlfriend bought in Elgin, Texas. I'm so hungry. its making it worse because of my roommates food that they are making is smelling really good. hopefully the patriots will win this game. they are winning this game. they won last year in the conference championship. I'm ready for the hockey season to start. I wish I could go play hockey tonight. I wonder what my dog is doing. my roommate is yelling at him so I'm sure he is doing something mischievous because he is always doing stuff like that. be quiet john madden. this is a long twenty minutes. I'm still hungry. I'm ready for the weekend. it will be fun. dang the patriots are punting. I need a new car. mine is a 2 door Tahoe that is a 93 so it is eleven year old. I can't wait till next Wednesday for the incubus concert. they are my favorite band and they are coming to Austin to play. it will be sweet. I'm going with all my friends. I should call my mom and let her know what is going on with me I wonder what she is doing | low | high | low | low | low |
there is so much going on my room right now, some it probably isn't the best time to be writing right now well I guess it'll give them more to think about. There is this song on rt now I think its called legionaries its cool it makes me think of like knights and stuff, its kinds up-beat and fun my roommate is talking to her dad about her palm pilot. I love the way he said boulevard its like the greatest British accent. I've been to Britain well I mean England. Either way I want to have a friend who is British like a guy friend I guess because I don't think id want to date a British guy, they all have gross teeth, I don't really understand that like do they not go to the dentist or know what a toothbrush is or something. Oh I don't think I've ever seen a British person with braces either I guess it has to be something to do with the dentist. I just changed the song on my cd player, the song was called Clementine which reminds me of my favorite movie, well one of my favorite movies, I have like a ton of favorite things, they are never ending. I'm always like yeah this is my fav song or this is my fav band, and the person I am talking to will be like wait I thought you said that blah blah was your fav band, and then I'm like well yeah them too. Well anyway one of my fav movies eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, its so weird but you know those are fav type of movies, I don't think I have a fav that everyone else like and I don't so it on purpose to be diff or anything oh and by the way I absolutely can't stand those type of people who feel that they have to be diff so they do stuff so blatantly different just so that they will be the center of attention, drives me nuts, like people who dye their hair like crazy colors or people who wear weird like way out there kind of clothes, and I bet is you were to ask them why their hair looks like that or why they're wearing that they'll just tell you. I've lost my train of thought, what I was going to say wasn't really going to make any sense. My roommate uses her palm pilot for everything, I don't know if I could deal using one of those for everything, I couldn't live without my comp, but my cell phone has a lot of the options that palm pilots do like a calendar and alarms a phone book so whatever. I think I should get my blood sugar measured, because I think since I have been at college all I do now is eat, and not healthy foods, I have to have something sweet all the time, it is kind of showing on my figure. I was just thinking about how I looked in a leotard today in my ballet class, I'm not as comfortable being in one as I used to be. Oh this girl in ballet class had just done some center combo with me and we were waiting for everyone else to go and she was like are you gong to try out for the dance team? and I was like no but I think I want to try out for the steel dance company and she was like oh aren't tryouts this weekend? and I was like yeah and she was like oh you will do great you're really really good, I was happy to hear her say that, just to have someone compliment me on my dance skills is such a boost of self esteem especially before tryouts this weekend, I got back to my dorm room and I was so happy, that can also be because I talked to David rt after my class, we are really doing well I think after this weekend, things have steadily been getting back on track with us, I really think I am in love with him, I think the whole break up only made us stronger, that happened the first time we sort of broke up, I wish we could just spend all of our time with each other, I really do miss him a lot, and the thing is if we hadn't broken up this summer I wanted to break up with him before we started college because I wanted to date other people, but the truth is I've only been comparing other guys to him, I guess that's what happens, I mean I have seen cute guys but I haven't really met any yet, so I don't know if that's a good ting or not, anyway David wanted to make it official that we were back together last weekend but its hard because I can't really trust him and neither can my parents, so that really sucks because I really do still want to be with him but my mom is like Seville your a fool and blah blah and sometimes I feel like I kind of am because I start to doubt myself so much about the decision I'm making about us, its like would I follow my heart or mind? it sounds like a stupid line out of a movie but that's really how I feel, I think things are looking up and I think my hearts motives are starting to blend with my mind's | high | high | high | high | low |
I'm thinking I don't know what I'm thinking. its like my mind is still working although I don't know what to write. I wonder how the keyboard came into invention and why the letters on the board are the way they are. my history class will be more difficult than I anticipated, my instructor really seems to know what he is talking about. I wonder if he's married, I think if he is married he probably has a very attractive wife. I knew a guy at my high school like that, he was sort of feminine but attractive girls were attracted to him, I never understood it. he was friends with the craziest people. terrill had a death wish. he never understood the value of life or he understood it completely and wanted to live it at the very edge. I wonder why the timer isn't working. I thought a timer was counting down when Pennebaker did this site as an example in class. I'll just stop the timer when 20 minutes have elapsed and count it myself since this fucking site is obviously not working. I hate computers. I hate computing. computing is going to be a bad class that I am not looking forward too. UT is a beautiful campus. I like the way all the sidewalks are shady and all the buildings are very rustic looking. I want to get a bike so I can ride to psychology quickly on Mondays because its a pain in the ass walking all the way there and all the way back with nothing to go to before or after. I'm worried about kaitlin. I think she will be fine and not get hurt or killed but I think war might change her in some way. she says she is ready to die for her country but she still has doubts about the validity of the war which could wear down on her morale as she is in a foreign place with strangers. I hope she can find something over there to keep her interest or just keep her going. Iraqi sandspiders are the scariest fucking things I've ever seen in my life. if a sandspider attacked me I would probably try to kill it and then be traumatized for the rest of my life. rishi is making a weird ass noise. like breathing when you are lifting weights or something. brian is my best friend and he almost died. it is very scary to think that someone my age and so close in all aspects of life to me can die. I am 18 and invincible or so I thought. this must change the entire way he views life. don't treat it as something to take for granted. it is definitely a gift and some people just don't understand that. they either die young or never appreciate what they have which is almost worse. I need to get a rug our room is dirty. I'm looking around to spur my thoughts when something goes on for too long. I like the way the window faces north. I can see almost the whole campus and its pretty in the morning. I want to buy a hang glider really really bad. what is my fascination with flight, it must be something deep in my past or the fact that my dad was a pilot I don't know. I hope I didn't choose the wrong career path with the one I have chosen not really offering me much of a chance to fly unless I become moderately rich. I hate that the common man cannot fly his own vessel, even though the commercialization of flight is just about the coolest thing ever. I wonder what sort of experience it takes to becomes someone who works at the airport. that might be a fun job. maybe even just working in the fucking coffee shop would be cool because you get to meet lots of people from all over the world. Austin is a cool city. I think if my job permits me, I would like to stay here for a good portion of my life. I also want to live outside the US for a while. in a country that has ancient cultural significance. maybe Greece or France or Italy. that would be the shit. I feel like stretching. my back always needs to be stretched after I wake up. I wonder why that is. ok so the timer should have reached 20 minutes by now so I will hit submit. | low | low | low | low | low |
Ok. I'm here in the CPE building during mandatory study time. I'm trying to catch up on some missed work, like this stream of consciousness writing exercise which I couldn't do before hand because I lost my class code number. Well. Anyway, let's see what's on my mind. The Mets are really bad. I've actually begun rooting against them so they'll fall into last place and Art Howe will be fired. He really is an Awful manager. Personally, I liked Bobby Valentine. Sure he had a couple rough moments, but overall he was a much more effective manager. Hmmm. well. my friend Scott Neff, who used to work for the mets, sat down with Jim Duquette the other day and JD pretty much vented all of his anger about this season and his distaste for Art Howe. They've begun to give him nicknames in the clubhouse. For example: The Wizard, The Wiz, and The Grandfather. There was a little bit of a pause there because I took a swig of water. I'm pretty sure the guy behind me is looking at what I'm writing. Is that a little bit disconcerting. Yes. Oh well. I'm glad I will be taking advantage of this time. 3 hrs of studying a night can really keep you on track. I just turned my cell phone off. James has handwriting that's hard to understand. My battery life remains surprisingly high. Wireless internet is pretty awesome. Wow. This is the first time I've used wireless internet. I wonder how long I've been typing? Probably 8 or 9 minutes which means that I should probably stop around 8:56. I wonder what I'm going to have to do after 11 pm. I should have brought those quarters. I knew I should have. But then I would have been late. I've got this compulsion for grammatical correctness. Is that weird? Well, I talked to my mom today. She and my dad took the top down in the convertible for the first time today. That's sick. My dads had that car since before I left for school. That's over a month now and he hasn't even taken the roof down!!! He spent 70 grand almost on a convertible and doesn't even bother to take the roof down! tell me that's not a disgusting waste. Someone came in and asked for the sign in sheet. I wonder how the ghs theater stuff is going. I thought Id miss it a little bit. And I kind of do. I miss the actual acting aspect of it. But you can't imagine the relief of not having to deal with kohn at all. It should be pretty cool to come back home though and visit. It must be all the more liberating to view that whole situation from the outside. Or maybe it will just bring back weird memories. My finger. No my thumb really itches. I'm thinking I should wash my hands. They feel pretty grimy. I did wash them after I ate that sushi though. The sushi was surprisingly good. On the other hand it should be good if its $8. The smell in the room. Well there is no distinguishable smell. Back in jester though. WOW. That place smells incredibly bad. It's always a mixture of body odor, popcorn and some sort of Lysol. Really nasty. I wonder how Lauren is doing? I really like that girl, but lately my attraction to her is more as a friend. Sexually, she is pretty frustrating. I assume all Mormons are. But when I have numerous girls around me who are much more. um. Liberal sexually, it makes me think twice more often than I'd like. I wonder what she thinks of me. That situation with Tyler is fu. Messed up. I'm sure she knows that. But now that I think of it. That whole thing is pretty messed up. OH well. Someone came in the room and kindly asked us to be quiet. He's walking over to someone. Whispering in his ear. Smiling. Oh well. I think my battery life is running low. I think my 20 mins is up. | high | low | low | low | high |
I just finished taking the prescreening survey and I could not help but feel that some of those questions were ridiculous and repetitive. I'm not even sure that I will agree to participate in any extra surveys even if I'm qualified. I don't feel comfortable being subject to any questionable tests - the guinea pig feeling makes me feel lesser, I guess. I have a lot on my mind concerning a specific event that happened yesterday, and I surprisingly feel comfortable talking about it. I feel alright talking to people, but somehow it's different typing my feelings onto a screen. this screen represents nothing to me right now, I don't know if anyone will ever read or really care about reading this. somehow I'm still making sure that I am spelling words correctly and using acceptable grammar. anyway, the event that I found out about yesterday. involves losing a person that I knew in high school. I can't stop thinking about the fact that just two years ago we were sitting in the same classrooms and wandering the same halls, and now one of us isn't here. it's very clear in my mind that we weren't the best of friends, but we shared the same circle of friends and some of my best friends knew her very well. I personally haven't spoken or seen her since graduation, but I knew she would accomplish everything she wanted and do it better than anyone else. now that I think about it (and I can't stop thinking about it) she is one of the most brilliant people I have met in my life. she graduated 5th in our class, and spent this past summer at Princeton for a research project; definitely someone who was going somewhere. I never thought that something like this could happen to one of "us," the people that basically built the foundation for the person that I am today. I know we weren't the closest that friends could be, but my best friends are wrecks right now, and that affects me. it's a direct and indirect effect, not so much one thing with a yield arrow leading to another thing, but more like a huge web of thoughts that are clinging to me. I'm tangled and I'm not sure where this leaves me. I hate that I can't remember the last thing that we said to each other. nevertheless I was perfectly fine knowing that she was off in her world, and I was off in mine, both separately pursuing the things that we love most in the world. it's not fair that her life wasn't complete enough for her to fulfill everything she wanted to do. it's not fair that they found her the way that they did; it's not fair that we don't know and we won't know for a long time. the truth of what happened. everything is so complex. I can't call anyone; I mean, I can call, but I don't know what I could say that would offer any comfort. it'd be different if I were there with our friends, must to hold a hand or sit next to someone who understands. nobody here at UT went to my high school, and I doubt that anyone on campus can come close to saying that something like this happened to somebody he or she knew. I feel alone, I feel helpless, but at the same time I feel like I'm connected to everyone else who knew her because, well, we're all probably feeling alone right now. college is supposed to help us branch out and find ourselves, become good individuals in this world. at the same time, in the time between our high school graduation and now, we've all become isolated from each other. it sucks that it takes something like this for me to finally feel like we belong together and that the time that we spent together was precious. all time in the world is precious now. things that I was worried about before I heard the news, any stress that I felt weighing on me in the past week has disappeared. homework and little things seem trivial to me. in a way things seem simplified now: we either are. or we aren't. just being here doesn't seem right- but is it selfish to be so so glad that I am here? I wonder if I deserve it, or if I can earn my place here. then again, who knows if it's so bad on the other side. I see that I have less than three minutes left to stream my consciousness. what a perfect day for me to tell my feelings to nobody in particular, and for them to disappear into a screen as soon as I press "finish," yet for them to linger in my mind still. any other day I would have felt that this assignment was worthless, but I'll admit it. feeling like a part of myself is being put out there-a huge or small risk, I'm not sure-makes me feel the slightest bit better. maybe | high | high | low | high | low |
Well, I'm really not thinking about anything in particular except for the fact that I know I have to do this. Just got back from school and had lunch. My whole apartment smells of black pepper chicken; spicy stuff, but yummy. I cooked it last night, ah. the life of a college student. I've left the TV on. I always like to watch something as I eat. Something to entertain, or dull and numb the mind. It's been a good week, but everything has passed so fast. I've always wondered about the concept of time. How it can feel so simultaneously fast and slow at the same time. I have the worst memory. but it wasn't always the case. I'm not getting old so much as I had a lot of problems after being involved in a hit-and-run accident a few years ago. Headaches and a somewhat irrational fear of cars. I was in a car accident a few days ago, on my way to San Marcos to do some shopping. My boyfriend was driving, the roads were wet and a car rammed us from behind. What a nasty shock!. At least no one was hurt, definitely not a major accident. I left the TV on way too loud. Funny how I sometimes like to be in a roomful of silence, and others I love background noises. Leave the TV on just for "company". Talk about true desperation. CSI is on. Love the show. Absolutely fascinating. I am such a TV addict, a skilful channel surfer, a couch potato with well developed curves; my belly and bottom. Got an exam coming up on Monday, got to start studying for that. Hope it's not too tough. Gosh, I really miss home and family. It's tough being away in a foreign land. I can't wait to get back to Sydney and Singapore. I am so looking forward to my trip in Europe at the end of the year. I am so excited about Vienna and Italy. I love to travel but things are always so different when you're actually living in a country. It was hot out today. I'll need to buy a fan for my apartment. The ceiling fan just doesn't cut it. I'm glad I missed most of summer, can't stand the heat. Like winter so much better. I'm hoping to see and play with lots of snow in Europe. Have to admit that I don't really know what else to talk about. I just know that I want to shower after this but knowing me, I'll probably end up lazing on the couch and watching more of the CSI marathon. have to go pack my stuff later so I can continue the moving process. My new apartment needs a lot of TLC before it will be in tip top shape. Then again, only about three more months till I leave the states and am back on the road to Canada, Europe, Asia then Australia. This year has been a most trying one. But I know that I am a stronger and wiser person for it. I've been through so much in life, but I know there's so much more. I'm really hoping to have some time to visit my cousin in Harvard before I leave and a family friend in New York. My body's cooling down, feeling a little chilly now. Maybe I won't need/want that fan after all. There's no need for it. but wants are the way the world works. I am almost there, just 2 more minutes left. I really need to focus my time and attention on what I'm doing because of all the surrounding noises. I'm actually speaking as I type. Is that normal? Or more precisely, that's normal for me. I wonder what Professor Pennebaker would say about what it means when people talk a fair amount to themselves, out loud. Ok. back to CSI. | high | low | low | low | high |
Ok so I am writing about my thinking. Well tonight was interesting. I had a great time at the Phi Lamb meeting. Laura was really sweet I hope that I will get to know her better. I wonder who my big sister will be in Phi Lamb. Hmm interesting. I love big sisters in organizations. Which is kind of crazy because I just talked to my big sister from the drill team I was a part of in high school. Random. Even though it kind of sucks because my own big sister is completely insane and never talks to me. I promise when I have kids they will never be more than like three years apart. I can't believe that in ten years I will probably be married with kids and all that. Oh my gosh. Where has the time gone? I am actually excited about being a mom. My mom was amazing. She may have some interesting points of view and be a little too concerned with my appearance but you have to love her. No one can argue like her that's for sure. I miss her. But I will see her this weekend. I can't believe how awesome it is that she got tickets to this game. It is crazy. I can't wait to show her around now that campus has started to feel more like a home. Which is totally crazy. I never thought I would get this adjusted to living in a strange new place this fast. But I guess that is a good thing. I will be here for four years so I should probably make it feel like home. So now that my boyfriend calls I am thinking about him. I can't believe I am doing this whole long distance relationship thing. It is the hardest thing in the world. I miss him so much and there is like no way to see him until late October. I wonder if we will make it. I know we can but it is so crazy. Four years of being six hours apart. I wonder what we would be like married. It would be amazing to be his wife. He is the most amazing guy I have ever known. Everything I could ask for he has. But still I get scared sometimes. I wish I could be just a little bit closer with a little more access to him. I guess it is kind of good that we are this far apart because it kind of lets me experience life on my own yet with that amazing love and support only a phone call away. I also know that if we were here together we would spend like all of our time together which wouldn't be good for either of us. I believe you need to explore yourself in college and it would be hard if I had him there with me all the time. Anyways wow it is already eleven. I really like this song. I had never really listened to Jack Johnson but it is very relaxing. I wish song number four would come on it is definitely my favorite or the song that is playing right now I like this one too. It kind of relates to the whole long distance relationship thing which is probably why I like it so much. I wish we had a TV though that would get me away from this computer and talking to people on instant messenger. Which is great but I don't know whatever. Tomorrow is Thursday. I don't really like Thursdays. My classes are harder and there are more of them which is ok I guess. I had a lot of homework for tomorrow. College is a lot different than high school in workload. Like actually having to read all this stuff in every class is crazy. I guess its good that I am typically an overachiever. Well that is what my boyfriend and friends tell me. But whatever. I hope tomorrow goes by fast. I can't wait till Friday. I get to go out on a boat. That is going to be so much fun and then Saturday is the football game. I can't wait for that. I have never been to a UT game so it is definitely going to be an experience. Wow it has been twenty minutes. I guess I am done. Ok bye. | high | high | low | high | low |
Yeah so I am so stressed right now and I am wishing that I wouldn't have eaten that popcorn because eating isn't exactly that best reaction to stress. I could get FAT!!! I don't want to be fat. I mean I know that college girls gain weight naturally and then they lose it after a few months at school! Right?!?!? But I am trying to run a lot!!!! That way, I can burn stress and burn calories. EXTRA CALORIES!!! I am having a hard time not getting irritated when I eat a lot. that's weird huh!? That it's when I am hungry that I'm not most irritable. hmmmm well Today when I went running, I realized that I should have stretched because it's going to be hard to continue running everyday when I'm tight. and get this! I've lost 5 lbs since I got to school. But How?!?!? I've been everything in sight and building new leg muscle through running! Oh well. Still I was kind of excited! But I am mad that I haven't started my period yet. My mood swings are terrible and so are again. My eating patterns! And that's when I find it hardest to study especially when the subject is something I don't like. SPANISH!!! UGH! I want to move to Spain and learn it by living with people who speak it! But I really don't want to go to a class everyday where my instructor hardly knows English so she is slow to interpret and yet teach. Does she really think that if she say's something over and over again that people will just ohhhhhh I've heard that word before. and oh I know what it means! Poof! I mean we have to LEARN something before we can know it. Did she know that she had to use a toilet on earth sooner or later when she came out of her Mother's womb. NO! She was pottied trained. RIGHT! Well My high school Spanish teacher was horrible and I had the worst experience with that . while I got a great grade, I didn't learn that much which was really disappointing!!! I mean I am glad I got an A but she didn't prepare me for UT where my prof speaks in SPANISH all the time. not just when she is interacting with us but when she is giving us instructions on how to understand it! Would I say to a baby. Ok this is how you open your mouth. open it open it. Do you know what I am saying?!?! It kind of reminds me of those ignorant people that yell at people who can't speak English well. they aren't trying to be mean but they may say "HEY HOW ARE YOU" really loudly and you're like "Dude, they aren't deaf! They just don't know that words you are speaking or the way you say them might be very confusing to someone" Right?!?! grr. So I feel bad for whoever has to read this because they are going to be like "MAN this girl is so negative!" Golly, I am right now because I see my Spanish prof EVERYDAY! like I said before. so yeah! uhhhhh well I am excited about this weekend but at the same time I keep thinking of how behind I am compared to everyone else here at UT, intellectually and academically! I mean I feel so insignificant some times. However I know where I get my wisdom from and that is Jesus Christ who makes my knowing God possible! He saved me from the depths of HELL! And even after doubting him so much and having to research Jesus' life and creation and all that. I have found that He is the one . He is my sufficiency! I mean who knows more than the God of the universe, the creator of the heavens and I am so in awe in how he provides for me materially and more importantly Mentally, emotionally, Spiritually, and Intellectually! I mean who could know how to live like a human any better that the God that came to live like us at a point in time (point in time meaning 33 years roughly out of so many thousands of years) There is just so much opposition to him right now. I mean there always has been obviously (that's why he was put to death. well actually God let him die as a sacrifice for us!)but I just want everyone else to know his love and I really don't feel the need to push it off on anyone in a "bible beating" manner but just to love them through how I treat them. Hopefully. I wasn't too negative for . you know what I'm just going to shut up and whoever reads this. PLEASE LOOK FOR JESUS WITH THE PRE_SUPPOSITIONS that he doesn't exist. expect to find him and I know you will! To his glory alone! | low | low | high | low | high |
ok so I'm doing this stream of consciousness writing thing and its a little weird, but then again I love to type and just let loose on the computer what my mind is thinking. so this is kind of fun. I just wish that my strep throat/tonsillitis would go away so that tomorrow (Thursday) I can do well in the challenge. and so that I can play well for the clarinet sectional Friday night, because I need to pass off the pregame music by memory and personally, I haven't memorized all of it yet. I guess it comes from being an alternate, because half the time we practiced pregame (which hasn't been much) I was forced to sit on the sidelines and watch. oh boy, don't I love watching. I really hate just sitting there as an alternate, because I feel like I'm a cheap addition to the band. like I wasn't quite good enough to deserve a marching spot. but on the flip side, they must think that I'm good enough because I'm expected to jump in on game day and march pregame if someone is sick, late, drunk, or too hungover to march. I feel bad for thinking this but I kind of want Kelvin's knee to keep him from marching on Saturday. maybe he'll have me march pregame for him, since taps stride is a lot more painful. I don't want to wish that pain on him, though, because he's a sweet guy and deserves to march every game. plus he's a 5th year and he doesn't have many more games left. thank god this room has finally warmed up. or maybe its because I put some pants on. do I smell smoke?? that wouldn't be good. Maybe Gina and I shouldn't leave the towels over the vent. even though it is blocking the freaking cold air from coming through. Oh my goodness this room is so cold in the morning!! holy cow you would think its January, not September! man, sleeping over at rustic's place last weekend was awesome. I was warm the entire night, and when I got hot I just kicked the covers off until I got cold. I guess the fact that I was wearing his pajama pants helped. no nothing happened. he's a really good guy. A Christian. his mom has a funny little story about premarital sex. it has to deal with a unicorn. Yeah I wont go into details. but it proves that he's a good guy. not to mention I spent both Friday and Saturday nights at his place. he didn't try a single thing! funny how dad thinks I trust guys too much, and make myself too 'available'. if only he knew me better, he would know that I'm VERY skeptical with guys. especially after so many of them lying to me. I'm sick of being cheated on and lied to, so I basically play hard to get. I don't think id consider it that, but I don't go easy on them. I'm not the stupid blonde you think I am. I really wish I was one or two steps up on the ladder. my whole life I felt like I wasn't quite good enough. I never won any student council positions, never quite made it to area band, made first chair wind last year on account of a new director but lost it the next semester, made alternate up here at UT, and wasn't elected as Newman representative. I don't understand it. I work my ass off to do the best I can, but that never seems to be good enough. why? my dad was valedictorian at his high school, and if I had good grades in elementary school where did the smarts go? why did I all of a sudden screw up math class in 7th grade? granted mrs glover refused to help me, and probably told me the wrong way to solve problems, but still. I did awesome in 8th grade prealgebra, and then algebra and geometry in high school. but once I hit algebra 2 and precal, shit hit the fan. I just hope I don't have to take calculus in college. but since I don't know what I want to do, I may have to. I really need to get that career test done. I've got to figure out what I want to do with myself by next semester. unless I stay in liberal arts, this whole semester has practically been a waste. not quite, because bio psy and band count (for nursing at least), but other than that. I don't know what I want to do. what do people do if they can't decide? take a lot of random classes I guess, but that's not me. I'm coming in with so many hours that I was hoping to graduate in 3 years. that way if I go to law school I can get in and out before I'm 30, ugly, and still single. I hope I meet someone up here. I'm not built to be single or to date for years to come. ahh nose needs to stop itching. why the heck do I have to be sick? I hate this! once hell week was done I got sick. yeah, that makes the first week of school start off real good. let me tell you. oh well. at least I did all the partying last weekend, before all the symptoms hit. and before my parents decided to come in. dangit! rustin has a kappa kappa psi thing at 8am Sunday morning, which means he probably wont party after the game Saturday night, which means I wont get to spend the night at his apartment because he wont be able to get up and take me back to my dorm at that obnoxious hour. oh but maybe after we paint his living room on Monday I could stay over. I don't have a class until 12:30 so that might work! jeez I'm a dork. I need to stop reading into things like this. the time will come when it decides to come. until then I got to sit back and watch things happen. oh look, I have 10 seconds left. dang | high | high | high | high | high |
It's only the second week of school, actually the first full week and I'm already so stressed out from studying. I'm not sure exactly how to study but I'm learning. I think maybe I should just make study guides so that's what I'm doing. Oh my gosh, I got to eat at the nicest restaurant last night, TrueLuck's. It was so good and I had such a good time. This past Saturday I wanted to go home so bad and was trying to get my boyfriend to come meet me in Waco to eat. It didn't happen but in the long run I'm glad because I finally made some friends. I'm the kind of person who likes to have a lot of friends to hang out with and usually they are mostly guys. Though this doesn't much help my boyfriend's peace of mind. I'm not sure my roommate is that way but whatever. Anyway, well I met these really cool guys who I really like hanging out with. Sometimes I don't think Ashley likes them as much and it pisses me off because it makes me feel like she thinks I'm wrong to hang with guys because I have a boyfriend and so does she and well we're just really different. Well these guys ended up needing dates to a dinner for their fraternity so we said we'd go, I think Ashley only said yes because she had been drinking. Well I had so much fun and the guy I went with turned out to be really nice. It was great to finally go out and do something with people. I feel more at home now. Now to my boyfriend. We were best friends for 2 years before we even thought about dating. I love him so much and although I'm only 18 I pretty much believe he's the guy I'm suppose to be with when I get married. But my going away to college has been hard on both of us and in some ways harder on him. I understand that he's back home and doing the same things he's done for 3 years so he doesn't have as many things to keep his mind of missing me as I do but before we never argued and now he's always mad at me about something. He makes me feel awful when I go out and I know he doesn't mean to but it happens. He can't understand where I'm coming from. The guy I dated never cried every night and now he does and it gets depressing and makes me feel guilty. I want to have fun here without knowing that he's at home mad or crying. He's not the crying type of guy so I just don't understand. I love him more than anything and he should realize that, that is all that matters. No other guy here will ever take his place but that doesn't mean that I won't make other guy friends and go out with them. I don't even look at guys the same way because of Brent. My life here does not mean that what I feel in my heart is suddenly going to change. I just wish that he would go back to being the same Brent as before I left but I know that it is going to take time and I just need to realize this just as much as he needs to realize how bad he's making me feel. It's a compromise situation but I think everyone should have to go through this because if we're still together in the long run I know our relationship will be just that much stronger. I'm going home this weekend and I can't wait finally I can show Brent that my feelings for him are the same and I get to see my mom and sister. I have to go to my dad's and since he just moved out a few weeks ago it will be my first time to go and I'm not really looking forward to it. I want things to go back to normal with my family. The way it's suppose to be. If there is such a thing. The months before coming to college were so hard and stressful that at times I'm glad I'm here and away from all of it. At least I don't have to listen to the screaming and fighting. I wish my mom would try to fight for my dad and like lose weight or something. But she's being stupid. I miss my sister so much and my dog Tinker. My sister and I are so close we might as well be twins so I hate being away from her. | high | high | high | low | high |
The crotheres computer lab is perhaps one of the worst on campus, but I don't really know since I have been to only three. I'm real glad that I got into the college of communications. Its unfortunate, however, that I can't spell worth anything. Jeez, I hope this writing assignment is not graded on spelling or grammar or any of that sort of nonsense. Why is it oh so hot in here? honestly, every other building on campus is freezing, but in here, I just want to wear beach clothes. I remember when I went to the beach for the first time in my life. It was this past summer. Myrtle Beach. Oh family vacations. I hope my mom and pop are doing ok at home. Since I'm gone they only have each other to yell at. no more marjon for yell fest 2004 at the rostami household. Good people. They just need to get out more. This keyboard kind of sucks too. Some of the keys get suck and it is oh so inconvenient. There we go with the spelling again. In the eighth grade my English teacher once told me that spelling is not a sign of a gifted student. At the end of the year she gave me the award for best student. Yep. English has always been a good one. I hope I make the staff of the daily Texan. They emailed me today and told me that I had to write another column. Can't they tell just how amazing I am from only one column? I guess not. I need to be more creative. Creative like all those communication kids. I'm ONE TOO!!! YAYAYAY! Yes sir, all the cool kids are communications majors. AT orientation a radio station person told me I was a cool kid. This city makes my face break out big time. My skin is horrible, and I hate having to scratch my skin when my fingers have been typing and I most obviously have contracted all sorts of bacteria that I am now rubbing on my face. OH my face. The communications kids I interviewed with today (the Texan) had bad skin too. I think I'll fit in swell with them. If I just get in. OH man oh man oh manoh man. I really hope I make the staff. I find out on Thursday. I also have to submit another column by Thursday. I had a teacher once who had really long nasty nails and a nose ring (those weren't common until a few years ago. then everyone started getting them, including white kids. I am white. My people are from the caucus mountains and you just don't get any more caucasion than and Iranian. again with the spelling. and again with the messed up keys. I should have just gone to use the computers in the ugl or the cma or cmc, whichever one has computers. I thought not having a computer would be a major hassle, but it is pretty decent so far. knock on wood! My hands are dry. That's another think about this city, it makes my skin dry. Maybe that's why my skin is breaking out so hardcore-because it is so dry that it is producing more oils to balance out my skin tone but it just proves to be detrimental to my skin. Oh shoot. I never cared about my appearance. I was the homecoming queen. Me. not some "popular slut. " Man, there are so many sorority girls in this school. At the beginning of school I mistakenly walked through the area in front of the ugl and walked through a mass of girls who all looked the exact same!! WHERE IS YOUR IDENTITY LITTLE GIRL? they have none. My phone just vibrated. It could be my mom. she calls a lot now that my sister and I are out of the house all she has to talk to is my pop, and well, he is not one to talk. LAME. Or it could be some fool from my high school warning me of the fat pagan. I hate her, if it is one person who I hate it is jenny pagan: my theatre teacher for 4 years and I had her twice a day. YUCK! Jesus I hate her. I'm going back home on the 24th to crown the new queen and I might have to see her and a whole lot of people I don't want to see for the rest of my life. Including Steven, the king. My ex best friend, and my ex boy friend. (again with the spelling, I do realize all that is one word, but I am hesitant to go back an change it because I am at 18 minutes and 7 seconds right now. I love this kind of writing, we should do it all the time, always. Landon used to always say that. A good man, that Landon Phillips. Too bad some girl named Roxy had to go and taint such a good man. I had a lot of friends who were boys in high school, but not in college. Maybe that is because I live in Littlefield. Ladybugs! oh man, I like to steal the doormat and put it in front of other peoples doors. ha jokes on you | high | high | high | low | low |
Yesterday, I went tubing with my family on the Guadalupe river. It was a blast! It was the first time since I moved to college on Ague. 20th that I have spent time with my mom and sister. They are the two people that I miss the most back home and I was so happy and relaxed to get to spend time with them. I also got to see my little baby puppy bichon frise named Bebe who is absolutely spoiled rotten. It was weird going home and sleeping in my own bed for a night but it was also a great get away from school to just hang out with my family. I guess that I have been putting off any kind of homesickness by staying busy with school and trying to meet as many people as possible. I find that the more that I see my family the more I think about them and get sad so. I am refraining from going home for just that reason. I am waiting to find out if I am going to get an interview from the Texas Spirits and I have mixed feelings on whether or not I want to join. Part of my doesn't want to be joining an organization I am not 100% interested just because I am looking to meet some new cool people, but on the other hand I need to get involved in something at UT so that I can find so sense of belonging in this large school. I definitely am worried that if I get busy with an organization I would overstress about my classes and meeting the clubs requirements as a member. Deep down I know that most of my worries are pretty trivial compared to most peoples problems. I know that I am very lucky just to get the chance to go to college and that is why I am so concerned on whether or not I am going to blow it. I am very concerned about my Chemistry class and I have been thinking about how much I need to study all weekend. . Well, two classes ago we discussed on a scale from 1-10, what is your fear of death. My feels like it is 20. This is not because I lack a faith that their is a higher being or an after life, it is because I am afraid of losing someone I care about while I am away at school. I have been thinking a lot about a friend of mine who was going to be a sophomore at UT this year who passes away suddenly from a pulmonary embolism/clot. I am now grieving the loss of someone so young and so beautiful that I feel that my sense of security has been ripped away from me. I am now thinking if someone so healthy and young can lose their life so suddenly, whose to say that the couldn't be my brother/sister or mother/father. I guess that you could say that I am one of those people who worry to much and I worry that I will lose someone again and I wouldn't have had the chance to say goodbye. Anyways, this all sounds so childish and "heavy" for an 18 year old college student to be thinking about. Well I am so happy that these 20 min. have flown by and I can get to my real homework. It really felt go to get all of my thoughts out in a way that was quick and easy. I hope that I can get all of my work done tonight so that I don't get behind this week. This was a great assignment, I would not mind doing more of these. Have a great day! | low | high | high | high | high |
I feel so blessed to be here right now. the game tonight was so fun. I can't believe that we won 65-0. that's such an incredible win. poor north Texas guys. They must feel pretty embarrassed. I feel so content here and settled even though I've only been here a couple of weeks. I think that I am really getting comfortable with all of my classes and the people around me and am really getting to feel like this is my home. I miss judd so much. the time we get to spend together is never enough. its funny to me how I haven't missed my parents at all but I think about and miss judd all the time. I just love the way he makes me feel, so warm and so complete. I'm so glad that I have friends here like oshley and that I totally lucked out with allyson as my roommate. I'm so relieved that me and my friend ben worked out the awkwardness between us so that we're still good friends. I was so surprised when I saw him on the jumbotron tonight. I feel so proud of him. I can't stop thinking about how lucky I feel to be here. I just love it here and can't wait till judd gets here. I think I want to convince all my friends still in high school to go to school here. Its just so amazing. the people and the opportunities and the culture make this place so amazing. living in new braunfels was such a bubble. this feels more like the real world. I know that people say college is still a bubble and I think they're right, but its more of a realistic world than life in new braunfels. I miss high school, but just the idea of knowing everybody and where everything was and the comfort of it being my hometown. at the game last night, I felt a little sad that I wasn't down there on the track cheering. now that judd and I were together, part of me wishes I could go back and have that ultimately typical high school relationship - the varsity football player and the varsity cheerleader. it would've been so much fun to have that sort of experience! I'm just a little jealous of those girls down there on the track because I feel like they aren't taking advantage of what an incredible opportunity they've got down there. those were the best times of my life thus far. I know that better are sure to come in my years here at Texas, but I just wish that I could go back, just for one Friday night, and cheer under the lights and yell for the boys and be right down there with judd. it makes me so sad that I probably won't ever get to perform like that again. my dancing and cheering days are over and I just want them back. its not that I miss the actual belonging to the cheerleading program, I just miss being in the spotlight and performing for the fans. I thrive off of that and now I feel a little empty since I don't get to do it anymore, and I especially feel it when I see the new girls down there on the track. I feel kind of dumb reminiscing so much on high school memories now that I'm in college because all I ever talked about in high school was how I couldn't wait to get away from the drama and just come to college to be just a normal student. granted I definitely don't miss the drama of high school, I do miss the girls and the games of high school cheerleading. the more I keep thinking about this the more sad I feel. I think the biggest problem is how much I miss judd. we spent so much time together this summer and I just miss him not always being there to hold whenever and wherever I needed him. I can't believe I fell in love with him. he's just an amazing guy. the one thing that scares me about him that makes me feel nervous is his uncertainty about his Christianity. its so hard for me to explain my faith to him because it was just engrained in me and I was too young to question it and now its just a part of who I am and I'm so thankful for that. but judd didn't grow up going to church or with any faith instilled in him so now its hard for him to understand or trust anything that he can't prove really is there. I think its a matter of pride. The idea of giving himself to someone else that he doesn't really know is there doesn't settle well with him. or maybe its a trust issue. Or maybe both. its just hard because I can't really understand how he can NOT have belief, and he doesn't understand how I CAN. oh man I have a lot of homework this weekend. I really have to finish it all tomorrow so I can go home and see judd. I can't wait to see him tomorrow. I wish he could be up here experiencing all this with me. I can't wait for him to come to school up here and be with me! that will totally complete me here. I don't know if I'm complete without him. I've never felt dependent on someone like that before. well I think my time is almost up. in conclusion, I feel so amazed that I'm actually here. I miss my friends who aren't here, and I especially miss judd. I want to work hard here and prove myself to everyone and make really good grades and fully experience everything ut has to offer. | low | low | low | high | high |
Well where should I start. First of all this has got to be one of the strangest writing assignments that I have ever had to do. I'm not even sure what to write about. My day started at 6:30 today because I have an 8 o'clock class which is really fun. not as fun as this class but fun non-the-less. then I went to my medical terminology class which could be more fun but its hard to make a class that is based on memorization fun. then I had a break from 10 to 3:30 which would really suck if I didn't have plans. so after my class I went to jester then met up with a friend of mine an signed up for a I'm flag football team. well anyway, I'm not even sure if I'm doing this assignment right because all I am doing is describing what I did today. any way I really enjoyed today's material in class. at first I wasn't sure if I would like the class but now I really believe that it might be my favorite class right now. Considering that I have and extremely hot instructor for my RHE 306 class. Its crazy hot attractive she is. But now I'm thinking about another girl that I have a crush on. Today she invited me over to her apartment to have some burgers with her and her roommates. I'm not sure if she knows how I feel, but I'm having a hard time reading her. Usually I'm pretty good about being able to tell if a girl is feeling me but she seems to be different which doesn't make things any easier. I also got to talk to my roommates about things that had been on my mind which was refreshing because I had been wanting to talk to them for a while. Things seem to be really good between us which isn't too surprising because we're all pretty decent guys, though one does tend to get to us sometimes. I am going blank right now but hopefully something will come to mind. On yeah, I got to talk to my parents today which wasn't too bad. My dad didn't say much because he had football practice but he said that the team was coming around which is always good to hear because he puts a lot of effort and time into his work. My mom called on her way to a Bible study and said that she would be sending a few things with the girl I have crush on this weekend since she is going home Friday. anyway crush is such a high school word now, what I really meant was girl I'm attracted to. What's really funny is that this is the girl that my mom has been wanting me to get with since I was in 10th grade. and every time she would tell me I would brush it off knowing that the girl was attracted to me but now that I'm into her it kind of sucks because now I have to put much more effort into it. Now don't get me wrong, because I'm not trying to make it seem like I'm am lazy but I truly am not used to putting in so much work. I know it may sound cockeye but if it does I'm sorry, please don't think of me like that. what's even funnier is that who ever reads this may not even get to meet more or me meet them but any way its been about twenty minutes so we'll talk later, or I'll type and you'll read later. | low | high | high | low | high |
Well today I went with my friend Kai to his Texas Crew orientation. He tried to get me to join, but I just don't think that Crew would be the sport for me. I prefer to play volleyball above all other sports. Just this past week, I signed up for the volleyball teams here at UT. I would really enjoy to play for the school, or at least on a team, competing with others. I used to play volleyball every weekend with my family back in Houston, I guess that's why I like it so much. I miss being around my family, but I know that they are proud of me for being here at UT. I wanted to go back this weekend, since it's a 3 day weekend, unfortunately, I am a little behind in my classes, so I wanted to take advantage of this time to catch up and maybe get ahead a little. The reason which I am behind in my classes, which is so unlike me, is probably because I am having trouble reading and concentrating at the same time. I believe that this is happening because of the long summer. Well just now my ex-boyfriend instant-messaged me, which for some reason I have been avoiding. I guess because I don't want anything to do with him, I don't even consider him a good friend. Just now, my friend whom which I met through Hang Out, a gay organization here on campus, instant-messaged me asking me to go out. He has been taking me out, to places I wouldn't even think of going, since I arrived here at UT. Now him I do consider him a good friend. He is a really good guy, really fun to be around with. I don't know if I am starting to develop feelings for him, which would not be a good thing at all since he is about to leave the school. I spent last night at his house, just hanging out, talking about whatever came to our minds, and fell asleep on his bed. Nothing happened, but for some reason, I sort of wanted something to. I believe that I wanted something to happen because I have been feeling very lonely these past few days, maybe because of I need a boyfriend, or the whole owing the bank money and not having any to give, or not going home for the weekend. Or maybe I just genuinely like him. Well I guess we will soon find out because my scholarship check arrived at my house in Houston 2 days ago, and my mom is going to mail it to me, and if all goes as planned, I will be able to keep the money for myself, if financial aid allows me to. So I will use that money to pay off my bank bill. And today, my mom called, and I felt like I was there even though we are 3 hours away, which took away my wanting to go there for this weekend. Right now, I don't want a boyfriend for various reasons. One, I have decided to put off sex until I get tested for HIV. I don't have suspicions that I may have it, but I have had unprotected sex, and so I just want to be sure. Second, I need to stay focused on my school work, and having a boyfriend may distract me. Third, I just don't know if I can handle going through what I went through with my ex all over again. Not that it would necessarily happen again, but I just don't want to take the risk. Or maybe I should just be brave and take a risk. I need to do a lot of soul searching to come up with my decision. | low | low | low | high | high |
As I sit in this library for the first time in my entire life, I feel as if I don't belong here, in this setting. I'm not usually the completely studious type so I'm just trying this library thing out. It's really deathly quiet and I'm not used to the absolute silence that surrounds me. I feel quite rude as my typing is unusually loud in this setting. I hope people around me aren't annoyed by this "tapping" as I am. I'm sitting alone in the corner, but at least I'm next to the window. I picked this spot as to not go completely crazy and be bored. People watching is fun. it's interesting to me how every single person walking around outside has their own story, their own point of view and I often wonder how different it is from my own. I haven't had any quiet time or alone time to myself since I've moved up here to Austin and just now, I realize that I indeed do miss it. I think I'll visit the library by myself a lot more often from now on. next time, I should remember to bring a jacket; I feel like I'm turning into a humansicle. but I don't like walking all the way from my dorm to here. it's quite a walk. I really should learn how to use the bus system here. I'm used to having the comfort of my car. the comfort I've had for four years. I miss it. I went home this weekend, the very first weekend after school started. it's not because I missed home or I was homesick or anything. I've been away from home for much longer periods of time and have never even thought about home much. like this summer, my 5 weeks overseas, I don't think I even thought about my family or home-life all that much. As horrible as that sounds, I'm not the type to miss my family or anything. anyway, I just went home this weekend because I felt that my dorm room was too bland and I wanted to bring up more stuff. I ended up coming back up to school with a huge suitcase and three boxes worth of crap that I should have thrown away. instead, this wonderful crap adorns my newly decorated dorm room walls and desk area. it looks so much better. I also got a new webcam. my mother had one at home that I wanted to bring up but she said she used it a lot so she ended up buying me another one. My mother's a funny person. She came to the states during her college years about 20-something years ago. I wonder how her college experience was. It must have been hard. I can imagine living in a country where no one understands what the heck you're saying. I've experienced it. still, she managed pretty well, I suspect. she's just that type of person. she has a really strange accent though in her English. Normally, Asian people have a really "fobbish" horrible sounding accent but she has a peculiar twang to it to make it sound incredibly different. It's not a perfect English accent but it sounds slightly European. I don't know why. My mom is a very peculiar person. Oh, going back to the webcam thing. I think one day I was using her computer at home and I looked at her picture folder. There were all these webcam shots of her smiling and trying to look cute in several different outfits. I almost fell out of my chair laughing. My mom is so cute. I believe she chats more than I do online to her friends. We've never chatted before but now that I'm not home, we've started to talk online through MSN messenger. It's incredibly awkward and a strange experience but I'm sure I'll be accustomed to it soon. My mom's awesome. I wonder how many of my friend's moms chat online to them. NO ONE. well, no one that I've met anyway. Now I've run out of things to say so I'm slowly gazing around this room. I'm next to a beigish wall. I don't think I enjoy the color beige too much. I wish I had better posture. typing on the computer makes me slouch. sitting back while reading makes me slouch. eating makes me slouch. I think I'm just a natural sloucher. I want to grow at least two more inches though. I look taller if I'd stand up straight but it's so hard. I also heard stretching makes you taller. I should try that sometime. I always say I'll start things and never do. Or usually I start things that I never finish. I wonder if it's a kind of disorder. there are a lot of books on the shelf that look amazingly old. I should go flip through some of them before I leave. they look interesting. I like that old book smell. I don't know why. it'll probably make me sneeze. someone just walked past me and we both sort of glanced at each other. I should have smiled or something. I feel so rude and mean. I think I look mean when I feel emotionless or I'm not making any faces on purpose. my mom says Asians naturally look angry all the time. maybe it's true. I should smile more often but then I feel like an idiot if someone sees me just smiling to myself. oh well. it's college now, I'm sure nobody cares and there are weirder people than me here anyway. time's up, I'm done. | low | low | low | low | high |
OK, so I'm sick and I don't feel good. But I feel better than yesterday and last night. I woke up about a million times last night feeling horrible and my temperature just kept climbing. I finally took some Tylenol at about 4am this morning and I woke up later sweating, so I hope that means I broke the fever. Now I just have this stupid cough to worry about. I hate coughing because it hurts my throat. I need to call my voice teacher and tell her I can't come to lessons today because I'm sick. Which sucks because I haven't had a lesson in forever. And she's the best teacher I've ever had. I guess keeping the extra money is good. Ugh. I'm coughing again. It sucks. My dog is looking out the window. I have a lot of studying that I need to do today. I need to catch up on a bunch of stuff so that I hopefully can go to Dallas tomorrow to see Sister Hazel in concert again. But I seriously don't know if I'll be able to go since I'm sick. I'm on medicine, so hopefully getting another round in me today will help. Goodness this stupid clock is going so slow. I've only been typing for 4 minutes. I think 20 minutes is a bit excessive. There's not even a pause button. What is I have to go to the bathroom or someone comes to the door. Seriously. Plus, I want to lay down. I want to get something to eat and take my medicine. I need to call my voice teacher. So, I want to go to Dallas this weekend but I also want to stay to go to some stuff that's going on down here. Mostly because the guy I have a crush on will be there too. And he's been giving me very mixed signals lately. Which is so frustrating. I don't know what to think or how to act around him. I'm trying to act almost aloof, as if I don't care. Part of me thinks he's just toying with me to stoke his own ego. And I refuse to play into anyone's ego. I don't want to get hurt. It sucks. And this cooler weather is reminding me of couples. Being able to snuggle and all that. Not that I've ever had that. I'm 22 and I've never had a boyfriend. Which is OK. I don't define my self worth by a guy or if I've had a boyfriend or not. But sometimes I do think it world be nice. But it's whatever God has planned for me. If He thinks I'm not ready, then I'm not ready. I need to start spending more time with God. Just get my focus back on Him. So many things have happened these past few weeks and I feel that they've all been for a reason. And I'm graduating in December and I have no idea what I'm going to do. I'm excited and terrified at the same time. Will I get a job? Where will it be? Will I like it? Will I actually get to end up doing what I want to do? Why am I so scared to put myself out there sometimes? The worst that can be said to me is no. There are always other options. If you want something, you've got to spend that time and effort it takes to make it happen. So I just called to cancel my voice lessons and my voice teacher is going to charge me for this week anyways because its a "late cancellation. " Well, I know that, but it's not like I knew I was going to be running a fever. I mean, seriously. Have a little compassion. And my stupid thermometer just ran out of batteries. So now I can't even take my temp anymore. Guess that means I'll be making a Wal-Mart run later today. I need to get some more Vicks Vapor rub anyways. I hate being sick. I've always thought of myself as a singer and singers can't sing when they're sick. OK, only a minute and a half left. I can do this. I can get through it. If my cough doesn't kill me first. Blue skies, shining on me, nothing but blue skies do I see! My dog is barking at something. She's loud and it's annoying. I need a drink of water. I want to be well. I need to study. I need to do a bible study. YES! I'm done! That's all, folks! BYE!!!!!!!! | high | high | high | low | low |
So yesterday my boyfriend from A&M came down to Austin to celebrate our 9 month anniversary. It was a lot of fun but I stayed up late so I'm pretty tired. I hate that feeling of no energy and I just want to sleep but I know I can't because I am so stressed out. I am still really adjusting to college life. It's is so different from high school and its not all that it's worked up to be. I really like all the freedom, along with everyone else, but I am finding out that its hard to keep up on my studying. I am only taking 14 hrs. , which is supposedly and easy load, but I feel so bogged down. I tell myself I am go into catch up on the weekend and it never happens because other things come up. I have so much I want to do but there are not enough hours in the day. But everyone says this is what a lot of college students feel like and it will take time for me to adjust. I just don't hope it will reflect in my grades. I thought I had a calculus test next Friday, but I came to find out today that it is nest Wednesday. That is really scary. Bit I took calculus my senior year in high school so I feel I know some of the stuff. Everyone studies hardcore for tests, which I am pretty nervous about. I don't really do to much homework in that class because I have so much to do in my other classes. I really hope I'm doing the right thing on this paper and that every other student doesn't type super fast so my paper looks really short and that I didn't try. Anyways, I have a problem with the nest football game which is TX vs. Rice. I didn't realize they sold the tickets so early. I guess the draw started yesterday. I want to go but I haven't really met a lot of close friends to go with. This guy friend from high school wants me to go but I really want to go with a big group of people. I have never been to a large football game. Actually the only games I have gone to have been my high school games. But my high school had like 3,000 people so it was a big school. A lot of the seniors from our school went to A&M because it's only an hour away. I don't know why they would want to go and pass up living in the city like this. I am originally from California, which was so pretty, and Houston isn't the prettiest place in the world. I forgot so sign off instant messenger and people are trying to talk to me. It is getting really annoying. Seems like that is a such a popular way to communicate with people now. I like it but some people are obsessed with it. But I guess I am obsessed with my cell phone. I don't even use any other phone. I am always on it. I think it is so funny when you walk to class and everyone is on their cells. I feel like I have to take mine to and call someone so of course I do. Plus, walking to class gets kind of lonely. I feel like these thoughts pop in my head and I then I go in a tangent to try to type. But then my mind goes blank for a second. I never really thought I was a good writer. In fact, I thought I was horrible. My teachers never gave me feedback and I never felt comfortable sharing my papers in class. It wasn't until the end of my senior year, my English teacher told the whole class that I was one of the best writers in the class. I really thank her for that because that really boosted my confidence and I feel like I do write well. It almost makes me look forward to writing instead of procrastinating like I do everything else. My critical thinking teacher said that is the number one regret for students after their first semester. I believe him because it is so hard not to procrastinate. I try not to since it's such a bad thing, but I guess it's just human nature. | low | high | low | high | high |
Wow, I have some pizza stuck in my tooth. Aw, why did that song have to end, it was good. the AC is really loud. Man, I like shrek 2. tonight, I'm breaking the habit tonight, I like Kelly Clarkson, she's so talented. man, I'm so bad at spelling. I haven't heard this, oh, yeah, it's by clay aiken, or maybe it isn't. Oh well. Ozarka Natural Spring. It was probably from Fort Worth, I'm from Denton about thirty miles north of Dallas. I saw Jenny a couple days ago. She's got curly hair. Movie Night, um I don't know. I'm supposed to by typing what I am thinking. I'm talking with Victoria my roommate. She is wearing a hat. I have a hat just like it. It's in my closet on top on a shelf. Victoria is leaving now. I shall say bye to her. Ok, now that that is over. I am going out to lunch with this girl from Christians on Campus. Sounds like it would be fun. Her name is Joselyn and she just graduated, I think from this college in Boston but she is here for just the semester. Only 4 minutes have gone by. Wow, this is taking forever. I have chemistry oops, mistake. I don't like commercials on the radio, why couldn't they just play music commercial free. My folder is blue. I finished all my psychology reading (all of chapter three). I learned way too much info on the nervous system. It is going to take forever to study for the test. I'm glad there is a lot of info in the chapter though, because I'm going to med school and will need that info. I keep making typos probably because I'm typing too fast. Oh, I have ice-cream in the freezer. Mmmm. It is a blue bell ice cream sandwich. I like Wendy's. Ah, yay, another commercial free hour of music. YAY. I like Avril Lavigne. My Happy Ending is a good song. Everyone criticizes her for not being "punk enough. " I laugh at how much time people spend criticizing artists. They should just appreciate the music. I think by saying that I was being a hypocrite because I was criticizing the people who criticize. Does admitting that you are a hypocrite make you a hypocrite. Deep, huh? I'm wearing contacts. I like my sunglasses. They are on top of my head because it is pointless to wear contacts indoors. Wow, I am only have way done. Hey, maybe that means I'm optimistic. I am such a bad speller. I spend way to much time thinking about school. I'm such a nerd. Everyone else goes out and parties and I stay in the dorm and study for hours and hours. But I do tend to watch a lot of TV, wait, I haven't been watching much TV during this past week at UT. Only about 1 hour per day. I'm so proud of myself. I can't believe that I haven't procrastinated this assignment. I don't like this trend of girls wearing too short skirts. I guess I'm just too conservative and wear long jeans or caprice. I bought new caprice. My mom just washed them. I went to the B. E. S. T. thing sponsored by the business school. It was so much fun. We went to the lake. Hello, Jenny wrote me a note. My printer is off. I can't think of anything else to write about. I was valedictorian, I was nervous when I said my speech. YAY for 5. 0 GPA. For having such a high GPA, you would think that I wouldn't be so scatterbrained. I think it is just because it will take me a little while to get used to the whole college experience thing. I have to sign up to do that psychology experiment. I want to do the prescreening. Victoria says that it takes two hours. I want to get it over with and not procrastinate. I have that awful habit and am trying to get rid of it. I like this song, and that song, well, maybe not. I want to go so sleep. I went to sleep early last night 9:30. Oh, this is that singer Chad Kroger (I am such a bad speller). I liked Spiderman 2. I have always been a fan of stuff like that: Spiderman, Batman, Superman, etc. I like Smallville on the WB. It is a good show. What else. I can't think of anything else. Ok, I have about 3 and a half minutes left. What else should I do. I have chemistry in an hour but I should leave in 1/2 an hour because I want to get a good seat in class. I'm so blind, even with my contacts. I don't want to sit in the very front row because then I will strain my neck having to look straight up at the Professor. I have Professor Laude. He is very funny. I went to a discussion session at 11. Wait, it was at 10 and ended at 11AM. I think is was fairly productive. I'm a business major. Did I mention that. I'm also pre-med. I want to be an pediatric ophthalmologist. That is just a fancy term for a kid eye doctor. It will be able to be cool to say that though. My mom was a doctor. My dad has a PhD, so he is in a sense a doctor. He is asst. Dean of the Business School at UNT. I like this song. It is by Maroon 5. Nigel, my older brother, he is 23, I think, likes this song. He has this CD and will never let me borrow it. He called me last night and was | low | high | high | high | high |
Today has been a terrible day here in San Antonio, because it is all ugly and humid outside. I am really glad that I came down this labor day weekend to see the family. My uncle is very mean he needs to be a bit more nice to me. He always makes fun of me ant telling me that I need to stay up in Austin and that I can't come down for the homecoming football game. I need to move to another room where the air conditioner is not so loud. I need time to think and be alone. My sister really needs to turn the volume on the TV down while I still do my homework. It is not fair that I am a very considerate person and then there are people who aren't towards me. Right now I am listening to my country music while I am typing. I find that country music soothes me and it very easy to understand. This always runs through my head: Why does this Hispanic girl listen to country? I feel that this is what runs through peoples minds, it runs through my sisters mind, she likes to listen to rap, R&B, and "party music", and I never ask her why she likes that type of music. I don't mind that music either, but I prefer my country. Another thought that crosses my mind is: how come this girl doesn't listen to tejano music? I ask myself if I am adopted in the family, because it takes me awhile to get something's, I have this hyper personality, and I have an "Irish persons'" chin. I am smelling the fresh grapes that have just placed in front of my face. I have a bad habit of smelling things. I also have a bad habit of constantly washing my hands or using antibacterial hand sanitizer. I think that I am obsessive compulsive in something's. I always feel the need to be clean, and being organized. It is quite funny how as I get older I need to be clean, but when I was younger, I didn't care if I got dirty, or if I didn't take a bath; I hated taking baths. I am noticing that the time is running out on me and that I doesn't feel like it has been 20 minutes, it seems a lot faster. I thought that UT was going to be a SUPER SCARY school, but it isn't because I have awesome classes and the environment here is awesome, everyone here is friendly. I | low | high | high | high | low |
I just woke up a little bit ago and decided to go ahead and get this done. I tried to sit down yesterday and do all my homework but when I got an offer to go shopping, I just couldn't resist. My boyfriend's sister was in town and every time I go to Houston, she is really sweet with me and takes me out so I couldn't just let her sit at the apartment. We went to the Arboretum and looked around. Honestly, I don't have any money to be spending right now so I didn't buy anything but as soon as my check comes in, there are a few things that I have in mind. This whole not working thing is really different for me. For the past 4 years I've always been working and able to by my own stuff. But now, my parents decided that school is more important and I should take 15 hours and just not work. So at first the idea sounded really great but the more time passes the more I realize it's not going to work out. My parents are giving me living money to go out to eat and to the movies and stuff but on top of that they pay for my apartment, all the bills, and school. There's no way I would ever ask for more money, the money that I need for my friends and sisters birthday, plus my boyfriends birthday and Christmas. Carlos' b-day is Dec. 12 which is not too far away from Christmas, so I wanted to sort of combine his presents. In January some of my best friends and I always go skiing and this year it's going to be a bunch of us with our boyfriends!! So I was going to pay for half of Carlos' skiing trip as his Christmas present. But now that my parents pay for everything for me, I can't ask them to send me on this trip plus another half of the cost for Carlos, I would just feel weird asking. So I plan to tomorrow afternoon, after I get done with class, to go and apply to a few places here around Far West. I really just want a few hours a week, something for a little extra money. Hopefully I could work in a coffee shop, that would be ideal. I thought about Starbucks which is literally 1 minute from my front door but what I'm afraid of is that they'll give me the early (like 5am) shift. There is now way I can handle that on a Friday or Saturday morning. So we'll see, hopefully I get something soon. Ok well now what do I write? I have 5 more minutes left. oh some good news. My dad called me last night and gave me the great news that he won Incubus tickets!! My dad is so amazing when it comes to wining things on the radio. He's won a car, trips to Cancun, London, Arizona, Seattle, New Mexico (all paid for trips of course), probably 100 tickets to Six Flags and Sea World separately, and so many concert tickets you wouldn't believe it. He's just really good and always has about 4 radios going at the same time, all on different stations. Ok well I just realized that I only have 1 minute left so I guess I'll wrap things up. I do wan to say that I liked this assignment very much and that we should do all of the. bye. | high | high | high | high | high |
A steam of cousiness paper is kind of a weird thing to do, but in a way simple. At the moment all I can do is think about this paper and the impression I am going to make by putting down what I have to say. Will I sound smart, dumb, or am I completely doing the wrong thing. Oh well I guess there is not to much I can do about it now. I almost waited until the last minute to do this and I was afraid that the system might be backed up or something, just like the prescreening survey. Wow!!! I waited until the last minute to do that and I was sitting at me computer for just about 4 hours. I guess that proves I procrastinate pretty often. Sometimes when events like this happen I try to fix the problem and I do good for awhile. For example I won't but things aside and and do things sooner than later, but after about a week, I am back to my old habits. Today I actually got stuff accomplished, but then ageing I didn't because, here I am a couple of hours before this assignment is due, trying to complete it. I am hoping that my internet connection won't crash or some other phenomenon, such as bad weather, won't affect me turning in this assignment. Thing of bad weather made me thing of all the unfortunate events that have happened due to the hurricanes in the Florida area. Bad weather, such as tornados, hurricanes, floods, is something that really frightens me. I think it is really a big fear of mine. When I hear that a tornado might be in the area, automatically, I thing the worst and am afraid for my life. I guess I just wouldn't want to go that way. Although its not a popular way to die, like cancer or drunk driving, its just scary to thing about. But after all the destruction in Florida there haven't been to many deaths reported, a lot more than there should have been. This is a very serious topic and never thought it would take me to this. I just hope the situation clears up soon and the areas recover as soon as possible. Recovery can sometime be the hardest thing to cope with and get through and that goes with any kind of recovery. Such as when you get in a wreck and have to recover from that or even recovery from a long night of partying and drinking. That requires a different type of recovery. my fr | low | low | high | low | high |
Got a Beatles play list going in Winamp. Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds first up. Possibly my favorite. I remember back senior year of high school, I gave Jamin crap for liking The Beatles. Stat bwaahaha. Moreover UIL math and science bwahaha. Hey, Kilborn has that guy from Office Space, I think his new movie is Little Black Book. Doesn't look too good. Napoleon Dynamite is funny, I should take Jennifer to see it. I should call Jennifer sometime tomorrow before she calls me, if she calls me tomorrow. Last weekend was cool, hanging out with her like every day. Ah, Strawberry Fields Forever next up on the play list. ;Staring at the empty Sonic bags on the floor I like Sonic. Saw Saved yesterday, kind of hits the spot somewhere inside. Not having a religion isn't bothering me as much as I think it should, but then why should it? Still have two pages for HIS discussion tomorrow. Discussion sections for HIS, American History 1492-1864?? Just talking about history. Boring. Talking about the mind and why we think. Interesting. Ooh, good song now, Come Together. I wonder if there will be a keg tomorrow afternoon? It's always nice coming back from class, taking a nap-a-roo, grabbing some grub, and filling' up a cup. I ordered a BMX bike tonight. Ok, from that pre-screening thing today that took way way longer that 1. 5 hours, but that's probably because of my connection, it has been crappie' up all day, absolutely ridiculous, we live in an age where technical difficulties like these shouldn't be. Anywho, yeah so mark me down for a little anxious and nervous about this recent BMX online purchase tonight. I got an email verification and all but when I typed in the tracking package number, nothing showed or came up, so. A little worried. Next song, ;drum rolls please. Let It Be. Sears Tower? 24. 305? Strawberry? Crazy things went down today, cops on motorcycles, people slamming into the back of other cars, anti-freeze spraying all over the place, high speed chase, people being arrested, all before logic?!?!?! You know it's sad but true. Next song, Eleanor Rigby. Good commercial, Corona Light, mmmmm. I should play golf sometime. I have one "Pimp My Room" upgrade point. I don't really mind letting my fellow co-opers use my truck, just don't mess up the trust, right? At least they lock the doors. Gas though? Other perks? Will it last all semester? All year? I find it interesting because I don't know the answer to that. Last song, Revolution. Welp, the pop-up just told me my 20 minutes is up, so I'm out! | low | low | low | low | low |
As I am writing this, the Red Sox are playing the A's. I think this really may be the year for the Sox. I hope so because how cool would it be to see the "Curse of the Bambino" broken. Their lineup is killer this year, and they are finally playing the game the way it's supposed to be played: defense and pitching. They look like the 1996-2001 Yankees. I'm ready for a World Championship for my Sox. I just read an email from home, from my Dad. I miss him, just having someone around to talk to. I guess I am really lucky to have the kind of bond with my dad that I do, most guys don't. I mean, not many people have the kind of Dad who taught them how to play sports and things like that, but I have vivid memories of being 8 and 9 years old and my Dad throwing me passes in the parking lot at the ferry. With football season starting, I really realize how much I miss the game. I mean, it's been 6 years since I DIDN'T play football during the fall, and it is kind of hitting hard. I miss putting on the pads, taking the hits, the excitement of Friday Nights, being the Captain. I miss D a lot too. we had such a crazy fall last year, always know that we should be together but never being able to get it right. I miss 8th periods with her, driving around in my jeep and talking. I miss Saturdays, the days after games hanging out and eating hoagies, watching football with Micah. I've been gone 3 weeks, and I'm not homesick, I'm just kind of missing the Crew. I miss Meghan a lot. For 4 years, she's been one of the biggest things in my life, and I really think she is finally being able to grasp the fact that I am one of the biggest things in her life too. Which is good, because I really cannot see either of us drifting away from the other. I hope Andrew is doing ok. I'm sure he is, such a small school is good for him. He really craves that small environment where he can stand out and garner attention for being the "Big Guy", the built guy. a school like this would be terrible for his self-esteem. But oh well, whatever floats your boat, right? I really hope Micah does ok. that kid has never been in a social group or circle that I didn't bring him into. He may really struggle with finding his niche at school. I hope not thought, he's my best friend and I need him to be self-confident and happy so I can stop worrying about him. I can never really tell if worrying about people is a good thing or a waste of time. I worry so much about Meghan, with her mother walking out on her and everything. and Meghan is so reclusive when it comes to her emotions, even to me. it betrays her every once in a while thought, when I have a beautiful, crying girl in my arms, and it's almost satisfying to see a basic human reaction/emotion out of her. I hope D is doing ok. being the only one of US not to go to college has to take it's toll on her. but from what she says, she is getting her act together. I just couldn't take seeing one of my best friends throw their life away on such a worthless guy as Lee. thank God she's finally going in the right direction. Maybe I won't have to live out that diner scene in my mind and deal with a haggard friend down the road somewhere. Of course, if it was going to be anyone who did, it would be me. Going away has finally moved people to express themselves, and it really does making me feel satisfied that I AM having an impact in someone's life. or, a lot of someone's. I really don't mean that to sound arrogant, it's just that I invest so much of myself into those people. and I really believe it has paid off. My family seems to being doing well. I'm glad. The girls will be back in school soon, and next year Maggie will be in my position. That's crazy. Go Sox. | high | high | high | low | low |
Today was pretty rough. My bio test was incredibly hard and I don't know yet what to think about that chemistry quiz I just took. I've got this spot on the top of my foot that is rubbed raw from my cheap flipflops. I'm really hungry. I wonder if we'll go out to eat tonight or just go to the cafeteria. I only have one class tomorrow, thank goodness. I need a break from school but I find it hard to concentrate on work. there's so much more to do around here. my roommate is never around but I don't mind because my suitemates are awesome. I don't know what to put in this thing. Tyler came to visit me for labor day. we're not 'together' but we're still really good friends. maybe sometime we will be but I don't want a serious relationship right now. Esp. not a long distance one. Tulsa isn't THAT far. But it's still a trek. Esp. since I don't have a car. I have to get a 3. 8 to even consider getting into med school. I hope that bio test didn't just screw me over. everyone's like "oh it's only your first semester" but I don't have time to screw up. my family doesn't accept failure. my parents were both brilliant and so is my older brother. I guess if I screw up it'll give the younger 5 kids a little breathing room. give them an opportunity to be 'average' and not feel bad about it. my main problem is procrastination. notice how I'm writing this 'paper' the day before it's due? not to say that I haven't had a lot going on. Because studying for that test was definitely important. 20 minutes is pretty long when you think about it. I can be on the phone for 2 hours straight with no problem, but just typing for 5 is already killing me. I hope psychology is one of my easier classes. I took it because it interests me and I needed some sort of break from my math and science courses. I've been really stressed and I eat junk all of the time. I think I'll go running tonight. but I've worn all of my Sophie shorts around the dorm so they're dirty. And I haven't done laundry yet. I've never done laundry before and it kind of freaks me out. my mom has been a stay-at-home-mom my whole life so she did all of the little things. pack my lunch, make after-school snacks, organize the family's schedule. it was pretty rough trying to organize everything when all 7 of us kids lived at home. But she always managed. as I earlier stated, she's brilliant. my dad works for shell. not like at the gas station or anything but downtown Houston. he does computer stuff. And that's the extent of my knowledge about his job except that he's an IT manager and yeah. veronica is making popcorn and it smells SO good. my blinds are closed so they leave streaks of light across my keyboard and monitor. It's annoying but peaceful at the same time. I have road rage. so I guess it's a good thing I don't drive around here. too many pedestrians and bad drivers. I'd probably get an ulcer or get shot for screaming at the wrong person. I want ice-cream. or pizza. we had McDonalds yesterday. Daron thinks their food is gross but I love it. Sarah and Meghan were going to do dancing sometime. I think this weekend?. So that'll be fun. I suck and dancing, but whatever. who really care? there's a quote I like "those who care aren't important and those who are important don't care". :) I love that. my other favorite quote is "a life of love will have some thorns but a life without love will have no roses. " that's helped me through relationships and crap- my sister Erica taught me that quote. she's cute. Looks just like me! ha just kidding. she's a senior in high school and it would be awesome if she came to UT next year but she wants to go to a small east-coast college or to a Mormon one in the Utah Idaho region. wherever she goes she'll be great. my older brother, Bryant, is serving a church mission in Italy but he'll be back at UT in 2 years. Kevin is probably one of the smarter of my brothers. he's in high school and wants to be an architect (sp?). then there's Kara. she made the volleyball team (7th grade) and I'm so proud of her. I tried out when I was her age and didn't make it. Because I sucked. And then I was too embarrassed to try out in 8th grade, which I regret. Steven just started middle school. I'm worried about him because he's such a little, sweet kid. he's completely sarcastic and hilarious, but you have to get to know him or he doesn't talk much. Shannon is the baby of the family and my mom said she's just like me. ha-ha poor kid. but she's loud and obnoxious and doesn't take crap from anyone. she's funny and flirty and has all kinds of friends at school. I used to be completely shy so I'm so proud of her for being the outgoing type. she picks up crude phrases from me and the older kids in the house, though, and so that's no good. I like my dorm. some of my friends stay in these crappy small dingy places and I don't understand why they'd pay for that crap. gross. plus community bathrooms freak me out so I love sharing the toilet/shower with just one other person. 2 more minutes on this thing. Gosh. I bit off my nails the other day and so now they hurt. Which doesn't help when I'm typing long papers for psychology. do grammar and punctuation and sentence structure really matter for this assignment? I sure hope not. I figure it's not English class and since I'm fairly good at keeping my grammar understandable, I should be fine. 10 seconds! that is all for now. adieu (sp?) adieu. Whatever. | high | low | high | low | high |
I really miss Desiree. she is my best friend and it hard not being able to talk to her everyday seeing as how I don't have my cell phone here with me. my not so intelligent sister was supposed to send it to me in the mail Saturday, but how much do you want to bet that she didn't send it until Monday and I wont get it until Thursday before I leave to go to Houston. I'm drawing a blank. how am I supposed to write for twenty minutes when I'm struggling to think of something to write after only two. I guess I shouldn't think so hard, should I. is that supposed to be a question mark? anyway. I'm really enjoying this psychology class. I thought that it might have been boring but as luck would have it Pennebaker is actually a really energetic professor. I like that. it almost seems as if he can relate to his students on a deeper level but at the same time he is still able to get his lesson across to us. kind of reminds me of Brink, my science teacher in high school. he has been there for quite some time now and he never ceases to amaze his students with his ability to connect with us. I do not know one person in Cleveland High School or one person who came through CHS and had Brinkley that didn't like him or his approach to teaching. I miss him. I miss high school. college life is really overwhelming at times. Right now I'm pretty much struggling to stay in school and let me tell you that it is not easy. I partied way too hard last semester and it would be a shame for me to go home and have to endure the horrible comments from everyone. Oh nikki couldn't handle that big school. She got the big head and got shot down as soon as she got there. Look at little miss I'm smarter than you back in Cleveland. I guess it was lonely up there on her high horse. I have to be a success and that is why I have buckled down on my studies and reading this semester. it is so important that I become somebody. I can't stress that enough. I refuse to go back home and end up on the same path that the rest of my family has chosen for themselves. its not easy living up to others expectations when you know that you can do it but aren't sure if you know how or if you have the drive to do so. My family is a bunch of nobodies and I hate to say that. Well in an educational sense of the term. None of them went off to school in order to better themselves. but then again I can't really blame them for that. I mean we really don't have the resources required to be true leaders or successes when coming from an educational stance. I'm here on financial aid as it is. its not easy walking in my shoes. some people think I have it so easy but they really have not idea what kind of challenges I had to overcome to get here. it was not an easy road to tow. I been through it all and still have managed to survive only by the grace of God. Speaking of God I miss TJ and Trinity and Tristan. I only wish that I had more time with them before they left. especially TJ. He was and still is my baby. I love him and miss him so much but his psycho parents took him away from me. they could have left but why him. I remember there being a time when he wouldn't even go to them when I first started working in the nursery and how he could only say no. that was my little boy. I love him and miss him like you would never understand or maybe you would because I'm sure you have kids and even though he wasn't mine I loved him like he was. | low | high | low | low | low |