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depression-detection

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always feel like an outsiderif i'm ever involved in any social situation, i always feel like an outsider looking in. i feel no connection to anyone, and feel there's no place for me anywhere

i wish someone would kill me so i didnt have tofirst of all, the title is just one of the things ill talk about here. theres a lot of things i feel the need to talk aboit, even tho noone will read this. anyway, i tried telling my parents i had depression, but since im 11 and have nothing to be depressed about, they said it was unlikely. dont get me wrong, they are very supportive and kind, no matter what i have, but they basically didnt thi k i have depression. i never said anything about my suicidal thoughts, because thats something i didnt want them to have to worry about. anyway, i wish someone would just shoot me or stab me to death, and then i could die without it being a suicide, and it wouldnt be my fault for all the sadness. or i eish my parents didnt love me so i could kill myself, i have practically no friends and after a few months nobody would really care. am i selfish to want to kill myself, even if it would bring others pain. is that cruel? there might be less than 5 people who woukd care about my death, but those 5 people matter. i feel trapped. what do i do

i want to opt out. i didn't fucking ask to be born.i'm tired of this shit. i'm a 26-year-old woman and i'm a fucking loser. i'm massively in debt and i'll never be able to repay it. i have no skills, no education, no motivation. i've been working minimum wage jobs since i was 16. i had to move back in with my parents who i can't stand; they're actually alright people but they have undiagnosed mental health issues and my dad thinks my depression and anxiety is a bunch of bullshit and that i use it as an excuse to be lazy. they're retired and have very little money, and i'm a huge financial burden on them. i am lazy as shit. i cant even put my clothes away, my room and my previous apartment are fucking messes. i'd rather lie down and stare at the wall. i have a fuckbuddy who i have feelings for, but i know he doesn't really care about me. he talks to me enough to keep me on the back burner so he can get his dick wet when he wants. i mean, he's actually a nice person, but he's a little younger and i've been around enough to know when someone genuinely cares about me or not. so he wants to fuck, and i oblige, because i have very few people i can talk to and at least i can have some real human contact when i'm with him. i can't afford to move out, because my shitty retail job only gives me 25 hours a week and even if i were to land an interview doing something worthwhile, i'd probably end up skipping it or fuck up badly during it. i just don't care about myself. i want to care about myself. but i don't. i want to die but i'm too chicken shit. scared of plunging into eternal oblivion. scared of the pain. kinda feel guilty about how it would affect my parents, and my sister and a couple of my "friends" i guess. i don't know. when i do it though, i wouldn't want my parents to find me, they don't need that shit. maybe jump in front of the subway or something. i don't know. i just hope i get the balls to do it soon.i can't take this shit anymore. i don't like life.

my depression is hurting my partner and i don't know how to fix it.i (19f) have been suffering from clinical depression and severe anxiety disorders since i was 13ish. i have dealt with it in my own way, ignoring the problem until i can't anymore then seeing a psych for a couple of months then the cycle continues. 2 years ago i met and fell head over heals, totally and ridiculously in love with my partner (21m). recently i have been in a bad way, and more so than ever it's affecting him, he just explained to me how he feels his life is "ying and yang", the things he love also have elements make him very sad, but he's not willing to give up any of them because they are his life. i feel like such a bitch for making him feel this way, i know its not just me its uni and work and his friends too, but i can't help but feel i'm the main problem and if i break up with him and leave him then he would be so much better off. what should i do? please help. tl;dr: my depression is affecting my partners happiness and i don't know how to make it better.

how do hold on for a few more months?been with clinical depression for 2 years. my life will get significantly better in december, but how do i hold out until then? i have 0 motivation to do anything every single day, i have no reason to fix my sleeping pattern and i am constantly in the mindset of 'whats the point'.

everything is just so much and i need to showeri hate showering. i have ocd and it is the worst during and after a shower. i dread them. i have severe depression and i just don't have the fucking energy to deal with my shower ocd and anxiety right now. i hate not showering though. so now i am just laying here crying. is this laziness? am i just lazy as shit? why do i just not want to do anything? even necessary things. i just don't care. oh, i also ate too much today. i probably gained a pound which will pretty much ruin my day tomorrow. my scale broke. i am used to weighing myself at least twice a day and now i can't weigh myself. when i stepped on it earlier i weighed 6 pounds less than i did just now. it looks like the scale got bent. that's a $100 scale. if i do not get a new scale i will probably freak the fuck out tomorrow when i don't know how much i weigh. but aside from the ocd, almost constant panic and fear, derealization, ptsd and the eating disorder.. this fucking depression is fucking killing me. fuck you depression. i work hard to survive and you keep fucking dragging me down. i can fight as hard as i possibly can and have moral support and all the love and understanding in the world and at most i will tread water at the end of the day. so i'm laying here crying. i need to finish writing that letter to my dad. i'm trying to make things right with him. i don't know if i want a friend but i do want to know whether i should just check myself in somewhere as a lost cause right now. fuck everything. i need to shower.

i need a good wireless gaming headset for 40-60soo, my old headset has been destroyed because the cable was ripped apart after some time. now i need a new one, a wireless one, because otherwise i'll just have thr same problem again. also it should have a decent quality so it doesn't break after a few months. since i don't have that much money and i only find expensive ones or pieces that i'm not sure are good enough, i hope one of you has some advice. it shouls be available on amazon tho

put your best quotes here made by you i'm board

daily fact 4 in a metaphorical way, you can only get shot if you give the gunman ammunition. for example. telling someone they’re a shithead, and then they tell your boss that you called them a shithead. what goes around, comes around.

i would give my life to see gods design iterations for the ballsack i think it would b funny af. hundreds of potential nutsack designs.

so tired of faking iti got divorced a few years ago. it was a super rough divorce for me. i'm able to go through the motions of a rich, productive life, but inside, i feel numb. i haven't been happy in years. it is like i forgot how to be a person. i am so afraid that i'll never be happy again...

how many meds are you guys on? (if you are)hi, i was diagnosed with persistent depression last year after being on and off major depression episodes since i was 15 (i'm 24f) and never being truly 'recovered'. i started taking sertraline (zoloft) 150mg and i was significantly better, but had these particular negative side effects that weren't going away (low libido and difficulty to orgasm) so i was prescribed bupropion (300mg, now 150mg) to counter them and additionally to help some of my anxiety. it worked and i was super stable until about a month ago where i got super stressed out because of a big work load. too many things to do lead me to basically ignore all of it, and stay in bed and sleep. it's of my understanding that this is somewhat normal, but i spent an actual whole week in pajamas sleeping ~14 hours a day. i went to my psychiatrist for both my programmed control and to ask him about this, and he told me i was procrastinating and that i needed a routine and motivation to do the things i had to. to address this he prescribed me eszopiclone to induce sleep early and also lisdexamfetamine30mg (vyvanse) to be able to have the energy during the day and focus on my tasks. and while this might work for me (i have yet to see the results of this new prescription) i'm super worried because they are too many meds, and maybe it's dangerous and i don't know how to be aware of potential risks or interactions. my question for you is then how many meds are you on, to compare if this amount is normal; and if you have any tips, advices or warnings that could help me :) (obligatory sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language)

nothing is getting betterhonestly i’m pretty much over all this every time i think i’m getting better i just fall even deeper into this mess. i try to find something to live for and it’s usually my dog then my messed up brain decided he wouldn’t care either i think at this rate i’ll have the courage to finally do this right. i’m not sure why my minds like this at 16 but all i do know is i’m done living and maybe it won’t be tonight but it will most definitely be before 2020.

failed product in lifesometimes i feel i'm just better off dead than continue living this miserable life of mine where everything is out against me. there's reallyh no point any more..

i tried to make crepes but they came out like shit sadge

my boyfriend just broke up with me because my depression is too severe.i'm not angry with him. i get it. i'm difficult. i'm hard to deal with. but, i loved him so, so much. my heart hurts. my head hurts. i don't have any friends in town to turn to. we were sort of long-distance, we lived two hours away from each other. we saw each other on weekends. he was everything i could have ever wanted in a partner. but i fucked it up. i have severe depression and anxiety, and a whole host of other things. theres a chance that i have a personality disorder. i've been going to therapy and i am exploring every avenue there is to get better. i will likely need to be on medications. as much as i dislike that idea, i will do it with a stupid smile on my face if that's what it takes. he fell into my life right when i was about to give up. god, i love him. he showed me that i'm not worthless, and that there are things to look forward to if i keep trying to get better. but now he's gone. the first thing my mom said to me was "there are plenty of other fish in the sea." that broke my heart even more. i don't want other people. i want him, in every aspect. i want every piece of him. god, what the fuck. how do i always fuck things up. i have pushed away so many people in my life. i am so fucking sick.

there's so many of my favourite anime coming out this year can't wait

that awkward moment you join the wrong meeting for school :/

i was doing so well.these last couple weeks i have felt the best i have ever had. my depression seemingly "stopped" one day. everything started to "fit" again. smiling, laughing, setting goals and getting things done felt good. well today, i guess i got triggered, and i am starting to feel bad again. the first thought of suicide popped in my head. i dont want to start feeling like this again. i dont want to be depressed anymore, or suicidal, but i really just don't see the point anymore. my trigger is not having food in the fridge and inconsistent sleep. i asked my bf to go to the store to get us something this morning when he got off his night shift, and i went to bed because i couldn't sleep at night. instead he goes to subway and gets us subs. i wake up and there is still no food, just soggy subs. the money we spent on that could of went towards groceries that we were supposed to get. im so tired of this dance. every month this happens, for at least a week we dont eat. we are so behind on everything. even though we are taking steps to consolidate our debts its still too much for us to afford. i am still on the hook for 5 years to pay off the red in my bank accounts with no job or money. i'm scared to spend my money. i dont even look into my account anymore because i am scared. my boyfriend took on my debts against my wishes. i dont want him on the hook for it, especially if i am suicidal. why wont he just let me leave, for us to separate. now we have a contractual agreement, and if i do end up dying no matter what he will be on the hook for it. i dont see myself alive in 5 years. heck, i cant even picture a week from now right now. but i dont want him to pay for my mistakes. im the one who lost my job. im the one that got into the car accidents (not my fault). im the one that cant find a job anymore. im the one who cant pay to live anymore. i've been wearing the same clothes for the last 4 years. i don't have cable, just internet and a cell phone that i cant afford. no one but bill collectors call me anyways. i never go out. i dont drink. i dont have a car anymore. i dont have the will to be alive anymore. i know it seems like such a silly reason to get depressed and suicidal over but i cant keep doing this. i dont want to live anymore, for anything or anyone. i just want it to stop. this is torture. it's a tease. i was doing so well only to fall into the pits again. there has to be a way other than suicide to make this stop. but in my searches i have never find anything that can help. i'm just so done. i knew i shouldn't of have made plans for next weekend to travel to see my sister. im not going to keep it, and it will give people even more of a reason to be more fed up than they already are with me. i'm positive people are growing tired and fed up with me. and all i want more than anything else right now is for all of this to just stop.

i am troubled.hi this is a throwaway for personal reason. i find myself being depressed recently, this could be an average thing for a male in his early 20s. i never been in a serious relationship but that is not the cause of this. i also have a family and close friends, so as of right now you are probably thinking i have no reason to complain and i agree with you. i hate complaining. whenever i complain, i think about the people who have it worst than me. in my eyes, complaining is a selfish thing to do. now here is where it can get understandable. i was born in a wrong way. i do not know the medical term but i can tell you that something is not fully connecting to my brain. the doctors told my parents that i was going to be a small person but thanks to the help of medicine, i have grown beyond what was expected and considered fairly tall. since a baby to a teenager i had to use needles every night. i remember being 12, when my father told me he couldn't handle it anymore and asked if i could learn to do it myself. eventually i got the hang of it but every once in a while i will hit a vain or move it around causing heaps of pain. i also have to take tablets for the rest of life, and that's a hard one to swallow. i am also partially deaf in both ears. i don't know why i am feeling this way but this is basically my thought process: someone complains about something and i think to myself there should be no reason for them to complain, i then find myself complaining about that said person and feel bad. it's a really bad feeling. when people hate something, they complain about it. i hate people complaining and i just go into a cycle of feeling guilty and a hypocrite. i am not here for answers but it feels good to get it off my chest. i don't know how to stop this feeling but when it happens i hate it. it makes me angry and frustrated, not at the person complaining but at myself. if you confuse of what i'm trying to say, i am to. i think i made it clearer to myself by doing this but i don't know. thanks for reading.

it’s national suicide prevention month. according to the world health orginization, one person takes their own life every 40 seconds. this also results in approximately 800,000 people committing suicide every year. if you feel mentally unstable, here are a few things i want you to know. 1. you have purpose in life 2. you have family and friends to guide and support you 3. you contribute to society 4. you are loved 5. you are not alone. if you or someone you love is considering suicide, get help immediately. it’s the only way out. national suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-273-8255

depression... and the world today.ive had anxiety and depression most of my life, compounded by addiction issues of allllll kinds, drugs, alcohol, porn.. one thing i have realized is somtimes it does not get better, and most of the time you dont feel like doing anything, but .. you wont die if you just go do it, what ever that is that you feel you cant do because of the deppresion/axiety we carry around with us. i dont even try to expereince happiness anymore, if it happens it happens. also contemplate this... the world and society we live in.. i feel has a lot to do with our depressions and anxietys ... for instance 200-300 years agoor even longer ago.. say 1000 years ago, people led much much different lives.. they had to survive, they had to hunt, farm, work very hard just to live.. today.. we work, we go to walmart.. we go home we watch tv we eat and go to bed.. its a pretty shitty way to live life, always the same, no real thrills, no real danger, so we become dosile and depressed.. imagine running from a giant silver back gorilla, or mountain lion... you think your going to be depressed at that moment? running for your life? its you or him... i bet most everyone that has depression, and cant feel anything.. i bet that if you had a mountain lion in front of you.. about to pounce, you wouldnt be saying life sucks... you would be running your ass off trying to live. just a thought.

i ruined my life while i was suicidal because i thought that i had no future. now...i want to live but i have permanent damage. i was suicidal so i spent all my money on heroin. i iv'd heroin in hopes that eventually i would od. i was convinced that i had no future. now i'm 2 years clean, but still have scars all over my body, a face rash that won't go away, lost tens of thousands of dollars, and i have no idea if i did any permanent damage to myself.

i would really like to unleash all my childhood trauma on some random person from the internet but that would take hours and appear attention seeking :/

feeling so alonei'll make this as short as possible. i (19f) live with my sibling and my parents. my parents are getting a divorce, and the tension at home is awkward. my dad is always yelling at me to do this and that. my relationship with my mom is barely there although she doesn't realize that. she doesn't do the majority of the things she says she is going to do, and she doesn't have a backbone so i don't respect her. my sibling (20m) is an absolute waste of space. all he does is yell and throws tantrums. he is abusive and i don't wish to have a relationship with him. the only person i have is my boyfriend. he is aware of my parent's divorcing but has no idea about how terrible home life is for me at the moment, and i don't want to put that knowledge on him either. i also have my dog thank goodness. i have bad anxiety so getting out and doing things, even getting a job, is very difficult. i have a lot of pint up feelings that i don't know what to do with. is there anything i can do? besides a therapist because we don't really have the money. any suggestions would be appreciated because i'm miserable.

i went back to faking my happiness and everything is terrible again. i feel like i can't trust anyoneso a week ago my girlfriend found some of the posts from my reddit account, about me wanting to be dead. she got really upset and told our high school guidance councilor. i had to get pulled out of class and all of this bullshit happened and i felt like such an idiot. everyone in my family and my girlfriend acted really nice to me for about 4 days, and then it seems like they just forgot about it. for the past week i've been faking happiness to everyone, and its making me even more sad because of how well it is working. my girlfriend is back to demanding more and more of my time, and my mom stopped talking to me each night. it only took a week of acting extremely loud and obnoxious for people to forget that i'm suicidal. i feel like after my girlfriend told the guidance councilors that stuff, i can't trust anybody. i don't want to talk about my depression to anyone because i don't want all of this attention on me. i had started to talk to my guidance councilor about making small steps towards getting emotional help from a social worker, and my girlfriend launched me into this web of support groups, meetings, and academic support that i don't need and just make me feel stupid and shitty about myself. the worst part is that my girlfriend was looking through my phone because she thought i was hiding something. she found the reddit app and i started trying to grab my phone and she thought she had "caught" me and my evil pictures of other girls. she asks what the app is and i tell her that it is very personal information about my depression that i do not want her to see. she proceeds to open the app, still looking for porn, and then forced me to prove it was about my depression. i tell her i'm not comfortable with showing her and she said she didn't believe me. so i show her and make her promise to never tell anyone, because i was getting help for it myself and i didn't need any other help and that would ruin everything. but she went behind my back anyway and told people. i can't deal with all these new people learning about my depression at once, especially people i am not comfortable with. this has really set back my trust a lot.

update in relation to my last post we smooth now b)

thoughts on ayy lmao bring back ‘ayy lmaoo’ filler filler filler filler futon shed dubsthveyb

frogs would not make good shoes🚫

judge my spotify playlists for a cookie :d://open.spotify.com/user/yo.its.eileen?si=m4miuk-ws_cgo1kpj4tyxw

i asked my crush out she said she don’t date at school, it’s a bit sad but i had to try.

should i tell my doctor about everything? [boring post ahead] so, i'm going to the doctor on friday to get some shots and birth control. i'm debating whether or not i should tell her about my current situation. i've had a pretty crappy summer. i got dumped, i lost contact with almost all of my friends, and i've hung out with the two friends i do have literally 4 times this whole summer. my mom's been having medical issues with her back and shoulder, so she can't do much on her own. all the responsibility is on me now. my dad and brother don't do anything. i'm expected to do all the shopping, take her to and from the bathroom, take her to doctor's appointments and physical therapy, etc. and it all just kept piling up. i've been pretty depressed since summer started, but the past week or so in general, i don't have time to get out of bed before i start crying about something or other. i've been having terrible anxiety when it comes to leaving the house. i've been having suicidal thoughts again as well. it got so bad the other day that i wound up cutting myself, which i haven't done since the night i got dumped almost 3 months ago. now i ask this because when my doctor does my exam to get birth control, she'll see the scars and the cut on my leg. i can always try to cover it up with make up, or i can tell her the truth. i really do want help. but i don't know what's going to happen when i tell her, so i don't know if it's worth it. can anyone help me out with what i should expect?

student loans, to pay them off or opt for the smith & wesson retirement plan?will anyone feel guilty or worry about the status of their student loans? great article below. >nearly nine of 10 student loan borrowers are struggling to make payments. >most borrowers reported they have less than $1,000 in their bank account. > –nearly 40% of borrowers report they have been unable to achieve their career goals. [forbes article](https://www.forbes.com/sites/dianahembree/2018/11/01/new-report-finds-student-debt-burden-has-disastrous-domino-effect-on-millions-of-americans/amp/)

men of r/teenagers, this secret with teach you how to be the perfect boyfriend and pleasure your girlfriend [removed]

i noticed that people comment more on my posts sum people just can't resist the horny owo                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

i'm sorry for everyone who came into my life.this isn't really a post for "suicide watch" it is a goodbye post. i'm not active in this community at all, but i have no where else to write my goodbye. i've been through a lot, and i really mean a lot. from the daily physical abuse from my father the 6 years i lived with him, losing the love of my life and our unborn child, to being alone on this earth without any family, nor friends. i live across the country from my hometown, i have no connections with any blood relatives. i'm just really tired of being alone, i've tried and tried and tried to get better. i admitted myself to a healthcare center for outpatient services i've been in therapy since september, i've been taking the meds my psychiatrist prescribed. i'm just really tired guys. i've tried living off the whole "it gets better" saying but time and time again i've fallen lower than where i was standing. i don't even want to be happy anymore, i just want the pain and battles to stop. to those who think it's selfish to take my own life, i actually think it's selfish of others to force me to stay here and suffer, i'm finally doing something for myself. falling into nothingness. thank you to those who read this. goodbye, i hope the rest of you find love.

it's late so i don't expect anyone to see this, but i just need to write something. (long)i'm tired. not as in sleepy, as in i'm mentally and physically fatigued. i don't know why, besides going to work for a few hours i don't do anything all day. i lay in bed till 2pm and only get up to go to work at 3pm. i don't eat breakfast, i don't ever have the motivation to eat when i finally get out of bed. after work (6-7pm) i eat something, usually something small, then browse the internet or play video games until 4 or 5am. go to sleep and then repeat the next day. i live with some roommates and we used to be good friends but after i found out they decided i wasn't living with them next school year, without confronting me about it, i have slowly broken away from them. i spend most of my time alone doing nothing. i have two good friends but i hardly hear from them anymore, even if they did contact me to do something i would most likely turn them down because i just have no interest in doing things. i hate the world so much. everything society says to value or to be interested in is stupid and pointless. we are constantly lied to and manipulated by the rich. i hate myself for using this computer because it was probably made by some poor human being that is worked like a slave in a factory complex. i hate that most of our resources are procured by using similar means of production so it is impossible to boycott. i really have no clue who i am, or what my future is at this point. i've dropped out of school for this quarter due to the issues that i'm having. i used to be happy, responsible, and productive. now i have no interest or motivation to do anything. i don't shower for 3 or 4 days at a time. i brush my teeth once a day only if i have to be somewhere. i just feel completely drained mentally and physically all day every day. i've had times where i would cry because of thoughts that i would have, now it's like i always feel a build-up to crying but can't release and cry. i just want to cry. i try to explain to my parents what i feel but they don't fully understand. they think i'm just being too negative and cynical, that i need to find things to do that will change my mindset. i wish it was that easy. i have a relatively good life, yet i haven't felt happiness for quite some time. i feel so alone, like nobody understands me. people will just tell me to "grow up", "that's life nothing you do can change it," "get of your ass and be a productive citizen," etc. all i want is to be carefree, content, and peaceful but the world wants me to be focused, driven to succeed, and to consume more like every other good citizen. the worst part is i don't even believe i have depression sometimes. i think to myself, "what are you doing, man the fuck up, you aren't depressed, you are just making excuses for being lazy and ungrateful." even though those thoughts run through my head, i still do nothing which makes me feel like fucking lazy loser. even as i write this my mind is telling me, "delete this, you aren't depressed, stop trying to get attention." i guess i'm just a lazy attention whore. i fucking hate being emotionally drained, i hate being physically drained. my life is going nowhere, my parents are being supportive but deep down i know they are probably thinking they have a loser son. no parent wants to see there kids become losers, but here i am. i have failed myself, i have failed them. all they wanted was for me to have better than they had. well thanks mom and dad you've done more than enough for me, you were the best parents a child could ask for, i'm sorry i couldn't return the favor by being a happy and successful son. to those of you who took the time to read this, if you've made it this far you deserve like a million dollars or something. i'm truly sorry for for rambling on like a fucking idiot. just a note, i'm not thinking of suicide. i don't have the courage, i think i will just waste away naturally. i'm already heading down that path.

why am i so fucking stupid?i fucking hate myself. hate. why am i not fucking good? everyone around me has some fucking good with them, some sort of redeeming value. i have nothing. i am nothing. i don't deserve anything. fuck. i fucking hate myself. you could put me in a room with hitler and stalin, give me a gun with two bullets, and tell me they murdered my cat, and i'll make sure to shoot myself twice.

could use some advicehello everyone, hope you're all having a good evening and feeling alright :) i've been under a lot of stress lately, sometimes the depression kind of kicks in at full force and sometimes it takes everything i have to not break down during the days and start crying. i've recently started a second job, and i'm starting college for a health care course. it's great, and i'm proud of myself for actually being able to do something for once in my 22 years. tho as mentioned, i've been really stressed, and far away from my girlfriend, who i've got a long distance relationship with, and love to bits.. she's been the light of my life for over a year now and has made me so much better as a person. she's supportive, kind, and so extremely happy all the time, i'm not sure how i ever deserved someone as good as her. back to work tho, i've been gone a ton, going to my original job as a store clerk (which is good, the manager will work with me on my hours when college starts so i can pick and choose, i'm basically the second person in charge) it's mundane, and quiet, and super boring.. and i kind of like it, i don't do much and i'm ok with that. recently i've been accepted at a casual position at my local hospital, it's cool, i finally got into their system and in the future i could go into any position from there! (i hope to get into mental health, funny i know, but i think i've learnt some fairly good coping techniques and i'm constantly improving, and then maybe one day i can start a youtube channel which i've always wanted :), anywho) it's super nice, and again, opportunities.. but wow.. i've been on the move, driving hours at a time, training in various cities 4 hours from me.. it's stressful and holy crap i miss just being here with my girlfriend, it's tough when i have noone to really talk to (no cellphone) and then college starting in the spring is going to take me away even more.. and i'm just kind of worried, like can i do this? i dunno, maybe i can, maybe i should.. i mean i have to right? it's for the best in the future i'm just so stressed, i just kind of want a week away.. i've actually been talking about visiting her for a week or so but money's tight, and recently i've had to spend over half of what i had saved for the trip on an emergency.. she always tells me it's ok, and everything will be fine.. and obviously vice versa when she's stressing over college, and money, and whatnot. i just have no clue if i'm doing the right thing anymore, it seems right but i just don't feel it.

freaking help me i don't know what i've eaten and i'm feeling bad no like for real my tummy hurts :c

playing the piano used to be so fun but now it just makes me want to kill myselfi haven’t played in like 6 months and i just tried it but it makes me so emotional and nostalgic and it’s bringing up a lot of bad memories. i want someone to please hurt me. i can’t believe i’m still alive. someone please kill me

time to abuse prescription medications :) filler filler bo biller banana nana fo filler fe fi fo filler filler

popping pillsi’m done. what’s it like to kill your self by overdosing on pills. how much do i need to take. i have tons of pill at my house. will it hurt?

been down since i began to crawli am having trouble figuring out where to begin and i've never fully opened up to anyone about this before so here goes. i have had a great life with a supportive family and all my basic needs met since i was born. i have had great times with friends and held many relationships with people i cared about and i am still a healthy 23 year old living in a city with a world at my fingertips but there has been something miserable inside of me for as long as i can remember. i can date these feelings back to about kindergarden where i would feel out of place with the other kids in classes, often getting the feeling that i wasn't liked or weird(which is at least, mostly, not true). i felt guilty for not being as handsome, "cool", intelligent, strong, etc, etc and i began to self-mutilate myself in 7th grade and constantly started thinking about and planning suicides. while in the years surrounding graduating high school and moving to the city to go to college, i had a great girlfriend who was very patient and understanding of my, then, self-diagnosed depression. for most of high school, i felt pretty bad but i had a some-what decent control on it but then came college. i can't really now recall what started the spiral but after a couple of semesters it hit me like a ton of bricks and kept building. my grades dropped, i stopped hanging out with friends, my suicidal thoughts came back and i just stayed in my room. this caused my relationship to crumble and after loving this girl and having her as a best friend for close to ten years she left. that most certainly devastated me and after a major depressive episode, my parents insisted on me seeing someone about it(second time having to see someone. the first time i had tried it out and after dropping my prescription after a week of being on it, i stopped showing up to the appointments) this time i opened up a little more, wasn't put on medication which i was happy about it and i began to make improvements. after about 2 months, i met with the guy and scheduled my last meeting and started taking it from there. i began to get back into my hobbies, talk and hang out with friends(not being in a foul mood or zoned out on worries constantly). i definitely still had my bad days, but after serious amounts of self-reflection and motivation to get out of my funk i began to feel better and for the most part, even happy. this continued for quite some time until i met a girl. things were great for a while and i was proud of myself for not only being in a healthy relationship but actually contributing to the healthy aspect of it until about a year into it when i found proof that she had cheated on me. it had been going on for a long time and i had known about it but she was such a good liar and manipulator that whenever i accused her i ended up feeling guilty that i ever did- thinking that she was actually a good person. well, i found out, it destroyed me-not because i was cheated on. i literally dropped feelings for her as soon as i found out but because my entire perception of the relationship and the world that surrounded it was shattered. i began to drink heavily, abuse drugs, smoke a pack a day(at which point i had only had about 15 in my life), miss work, lie to family and friends. i became very dangerous to myself- climbing over highways and traintracks to take "short-cuts" to friends(in one case was chased by security and ran through a series of alleys resulting in a lot of bruises and cuts), i hooked up with my friends girl, i climbed apartments, tall trees and buildings just for fun because i honestly didn't care if i fell. i didn't really care about anything really.. my friends or familys perception of me or any of my morals or values that i once held. this was all about 5 months ago. i have done a little better but not by much but i hit a bad place a few days back and i have been struggling to stay afloat. i have probably thought about suicide more than a dozen times a day since march and even began to write notes or say goodbyes to friends. i feel crappy. i have lost a lot of credibility with my the people i know. i lost my job and simply can't find motivation to get another one. i have actually lost motivation to do anything but sit. this in turn has caused me to miss bills and has driven my sister who is my roommate to help which has made her broke. my dad and sister nearly hate me because of this(to be fair, i don't think that they like me much but i'd say that they still love me). i know this is all a lot to read but i don't know who i am any longer. my feelings have definitely effected my entire life but never to this degree. i used to at least always be polite and friendly to anyone, i used to be the person who would give the shirt of their back to anyone. i may not have been much but i was so sincere and so selfless and i don't know where it went. i can't tell if i have always been a bad person inside and it's finally just showing now that i'm 23 or if i actually have a problem. at this point, i can't tell if my depression is real and something that needs to be taken care of or if i'm just feeling sorry for myself and craving attention. i no longer want to go anywhere in life and just want to go down a rabbit hole away from everyone. i have often heard from narrow-minded people that depression is made up which secretly belittles me(no one i know has knowledge of my depression or suicidal tendencies, they just see the reckless part)and begins to make me feel like i'm just being a cry baby but i can barely stand life anymore. i've spent so long typing that i can't at this point remember really what i was going for. i guess i needed to get that off my chest but i also need advice. i don't know what to do anymore and i feel like if i don't resolve myself soon i'm going to crack.

i cant do anything rightis there even a fucking point to trying when youre just a fucking worthless shit stain. im a trashcan that just ruins fucking everything it touches.

i'm ruined, and for the first time in a long time, i cannot manage to cope.my husband has put me through the ringer. i've recently discovered a lot of lies and deception and manipulation. there's also been a one-sided emotional affair happening with someone very close to me. i feel like i'm in a hole that i just can't pull myself out of. when i finally talk myself into the strength it takes just to get out of bed, i think about all of the other practical bullshit that i have to take care of in order to get back on my feet, and i lose my steam. i'm in this dark place and i'm having a really hard time finding a reason to keep on living. i'm afraid to be alone.

16f down to do anythingwhat are you doing here brother our journey to victory has begun, death to the mpla!!!!

comment “it’s raining tacos!” on the post above this one. filler text [it’s raining tacos!](https://youtu.be/npjf032tddq)

i can't go oni'm tired of feeling so depressed, my bpd is winning. i always think i'm doing fine but after a breakup everything hits me like a truck and the only way out i see is suicide, it isn't as easy as telling me everything's going to be okay. it isn't. it never is. literally everything turns to shit. my dream school kicked me out for trying to hurt myself. my parents were so disappointed. i have very few friends. it's a struggle to get out of bed. and now my boyfriend has broken up with me for the third time. he says we can talk about it tomorrow but i have a feeling this is it, this is real, my best friend and my everything has had enough of me too. he was my one reason for going on, for working. and now it's all crashing down on me. i already deleted my social media accounts. it will make it easier on everyone...and trust me, no one will care that i'm missing from them. no one is talking to me right now. i can't sleep. i'm contemplating ways to get myself into the hospital so i can shut everything out for a while. so people will pay attention to me for once. idk. i've just had it. bpd will always win. losing a boyfriend will always be the worst pain imaginable because literally nothing else in this life makes me as happy as that. nobody else and nothing else keeps me going. i love you all. thanks for being so kind. i'm lost right now and don't know what's going to happen to me...i think he doesn't want me for real this time...i don't know...i just can't right now. i'm too scared to die but nothing in this life is really doing it for me

i don't belong here.that i don't belong here. i suck at my job. someone just made sure to make a fool of me in front of everyone in the office. the only person i love in my 23 years of existence doesn't like me anymore. i have no dreams. i have no talent or skill. i am extremely insecure. i've lost touch of most of my friends from the past. i know i will lose all my friends i have now. my family is poor and is expecting more money from me soon. what point is there to being alive?

suicide hotlinewhen the longest phone conversation you’ve had in years is with the suicide hotline. love it.

loaded my gun last nightmy gf left me about 2 months ago. we have been in constant communication and off and on together, her in and out of our house. i was a wreck when she left, and now the hot and cold thing she is doing is really tearing me up. she will love me and fuck me one day ("you're not the only one rediculously in love") than the next it's no contact or she is uninterested. last night she went to a party without me, and i decided to drink with a friend. stupid. when she left, i threw all my ammunition in a corner high on a shelf to make it harder for myself to access my .357. last night, i chambered 6 rounds and thought long and hard about really just killing myself. she is the only thing i want in life, and it's so empty. i honestly feel like if she hadn't been drunk messaging me at 2 am i probably would've just gone ahead and done it. this fucking sucks.

imagine making people sad when they are around you. this happens to me, i’m fucking pitiful.

please i need helpi have this uncontrollable urge right now to puke. i want to kill myself, and i'm thinking about taking all of the pills i own, so i can possibly kill myself. i am absolutely fucking ugly, and it's interfering with my functioning. i can't even fucking do homework right now because i want to kill myself over how i look. i've skipped classes because of how horrible i look. i just don't want to be ugly, and the only way i know to completely eliminate this feeling is to kill myself.

i'm ruined. i'm completely ruined. i am now only attracted to women that are 1020 years older than me. there are other reasons that i'm ruined but i'm not mentioning them.

what is this feeling?i have been on anti-depressants for a long time now, and it has reached a point where things have become a lot more bearable. but something strange is happening now. there's a thought that is telling me that if this medicine begins working, i will have to start functioning like a normal person with responsibilities and feelings, and that is too much work. i almost want to go off my medicine so i can have the full brunt of my depression hit me. why on earth would i want to feel so horrible again? simply because it kind of relieves me of any normal duties? obviously something isn't working right. but i'm almost upset that i'm moderately severely depressed instead of full blown now. what the fuck is the matter with me? that's selfish as all hell. anyone else have this bizarre experience?

pretty trippy this post is pretty trippy. literally.

should i get a saturdays are for the boys flag like is it cringe idk honestly but i want to get it for the meme

do you also associate music with specific times you listened to them i listened to the entirety of harry style’s fine line album while on christmas break to italy last year and i couldn’t listen to it for a long time bc it reminded me of an ex

god damn digital school is boring af. so someone in my class got the [insert name of deadly chinese virus with the same name as a specific mexican beer], so we had to quarantine. and god damn online school is boring af.

i need motivation i'm going to try and lose weight and i think the best place to ask for motivation is a subreddit full of teen...agers. thx *virtual hug*

goodbyei’m gonna go buy a gun and end it today. i don’t have any reason to keep going. i guess i felt like i needed to tell someone and this is the only place i can without someone calling 911. i’m sorry for those of you who had to listen to me.

i haven't met someone who i can have an engaging and amazing conversation with in years.when i was younger i would meet people and we could talk for hours and i wouldn't have to think about what we're talking about or where the conversation was going, we could just talk and talk. now i find i have to think about every sentence, what the connotations to everything are, there's tons of silence and i can barely keep a conversation going for 10 minutes let alone hours. i miss having someone to talk to that understands, and that i could talk to for hours.

people say it gets better but i'm not sure i believe that anymore.i've had signs of depression since i was very young. it just seems to have gotten worse over the years. i've been on different meds. hated the side effects. felt like an emotionless zombie. hated how they killed my sex drive. couldn't get an erection. who knew that one of the side effects was bed wetting? that was fun. then trying to get off of medication. hated the brain zaps. been to a psychologist or whatever. too expensive. no way in hell could i afford it now. i feel isolated in my social life. no real friends. there is no one i can truly open up to. as time goes on things just get worse. i can't afford college. parents don't help and they make too much so i don't get financial aid. loans don't cover it. i get great grades and i really hope i can pull in some scholarships, but i have to wait until next school year. girlfriend doesn't want to help even though we talk about marriage and ultimately being together. she won't invest financially in me for a better future. i'm just tired of being isolated and without help. i'm afraid of potentially not being able to eat because i don't have money. people always tell me how smart i am and how hard working and empathetic and caring and how i help anybody around me. i wish i could have people around me help me for a change. i need it. i'm just tired of the depression consistently getting worse. i'm tired of no one in my life helping me when i need it.

how do you try fixing something when you can't care to change anything?i want to get a job. i want to please my family, girlfriend, and friends. i want to better myself. but i'm scared. i feel like my feet are cemented into the ground for being this way for so long that it's almosy like i've forgotten how to live. how do i change when i can't commit to even take a shower?

someone attempted to break into my car.i need to commit suicide. i did not need this after all the shit ive been through. i called my family. they yelled at me. family wont stop yelling at me. i cant fucking find a girlfriend because im fucking unwanted and women would rather date abusive fat slobs that cheat on them and not me. i want to fucking shoot myself. im tired of everything going wrong. my therapist transfered me because she doesnt want to help me because im fucking broken but i am trying to get over all of the abuse and trauma in my life. therapy. countless hospitalizations. over 40 different meds that caused some fucking damage since age 7. nothing helps. im unwanted and unloved and have no fucking reason to continue. my fucking family kicked me out for being a lesbian in the past. i don't fucking want to be alive. at this point im considering calling the mobile crisis team but they are fucking rude and useless half the time. i called my family for help when my car was broken into and they yelled at me. police told me to be careful and they took photos and made note that my car was vandalized. i cannot even think clearly right now. im fuckinf alone and i want to shoot myself but have no gun access.

i wish i jumped6 months ago i drove 3.5 hours to a well known suicide spot (a cliff). i did not jump, i pussied out i wish i jumped

at what age did your voice started more masculine after it changed? my voice changed at 13 and 3 years later it's still not deep enough....

i wish i wasn't such a waste of spacei'm typing this because i am just lonely and sad and bored. i wish people saw me as something other than the kid who never does anything good with his life. i wish i wasn't such a waste of time for everyone. i wish people cared about what i had to say and what i do. but they don't. and never will. i will always just be the disappointment. wasting this perfect life i have when someone useful could use it and achieve something that people could be proud of. but i cant just give someone my life, and i hate it, because i know anyone else with my life would be so ahead of me. the piece of shit drug addict that cant do anything right. or good. okay i'm rambling and nobody is going to read this so ill sign off. goodnight. :(

“super straight” isn’t funny. it’s not funny. your not funny. coming out as “super straight” is insensitive to people who actually have to come out. it’s so fucking scary coming out, being afraid of losing your friends and your family. people get seriously hurt from just coming out, nevermind being openly lgbtq in public. you can’t even come out anymore without being scared for your life. so next time you joke about coming out as super straight, think of how people who have been kicked out, or hurt, for coming out. how would you feel? we get it, your straight. now find a new thing to joke about you unfunny cumwads

is it okay if i die?i know people will be hurt but i can't fight anymore, i'm drunk right now. i'll hopefully hang myself within the next couple days i've accomplished nothing but making people happy and that's alright to me. we all die, end up in the same place more or less, i'm getting panicky thinking about it but theres no other escape from my broken mind. i just want my life back. i'm sorry mom

a bittersweet farewell i’ve been a long time lurker on this sub, in fact i’ve never posted until today, but just know i’ve been silently laughing alongside all of you for years now. i may not be a boy in a skirt but i’m a boy who’s turning 20 in an hour. you all have been amazing and i know things will go great for all of you in the future. you’ve been with me through good times and bad and i just want to say thank you. thank you to everyone who makes this community great and whose stood by me for the last 7 years you’ll all have a special place in my heart, and i’ll be checking back from time to time to see if your crush said yes or not. now comes another chapter in my life. goodbye everyone, keep being awesome!

wanted to share this animation i made on scratch about a year ago. (best with sound) ​ *processing video d4pi6l60gt361...*

a short poem for the day. it might be bad. idk. all around us is on fire "everything is alright", said rich the liar but we do not see or fear of what is drawing near for we have blinded ourselves in our tears

sorry fellas, but im taken im married to jesus

oh no, it's that time of the day again... horny hour! <3 nice combination with this semi-lockdown kindofathing

confusedhi there, i'm new.. i cut myself and feel really depressed sometimes, but i lead a relatively happy life. i have no idea why/ how i go from super happy to super depressed, i am all out of ideas anyone wanna try guess?

outcastit just doesn’t make any sense to me that if life is always going to be a constant battle for survival then how is one supposed to relax? i just don’t see how this constant chase of fulfilling my body’s desires will lead to my freedom. this world is a shithole and i’m supposed to be fine with everything and conform to whatever bullshit i was born into? lmao fuck that, life should be 100% without suffering/pain because i see nothing good/useful that comes out of being hurt. i’m in a constant state of anxiety and just thinking about jobs, money, socializing, etc. makes me want to run away from everything. there’s just no hope for someone like me because being an eternal outcast is my destiny.

finding a new job is so muchi want to believe that everything happens for the best if i go with my heart and the flow, that energy is just clearing out for new better energy to come in. but losing my job and then having to start from scratch is so depressing considering how 12$ an hour is considered very good despite being well below the proposed 15$ which would actually create a happy work atmosphere. there's just no way of knowing if i'm gonna jump into another 4 months dealing with some bullshit as the grunt. i don't even require a lot out of life. my expenses are extremely small. i have most everything i want, i just need like 200$ a month for rent. how do you guys deal with depression that's linked to the economy?

ain't easyseem to just zombified day to daycan't seem to hold a girl longer than a girlwhen someone say they don't regret breaking up with you hurts and motivation seems to fadenot happy with myself and my lifemy world shouldn't revolve around keeping someoneit's just so painful dealing with this depression. i think about killing myself everydaywish i can just erase all my memories about all my ex's and just start fresh

i need help...it feels like i have nothing in my life. i'm surrounded by games, movies, and music, but all of that is just stuff. i have few friends, only one that i actually see. i have no social life, i go to work and i come home to sit in front of my monitor for hours on end while all my online friends are off busy enjoying their lives. i barely speak to anyone on a daily basis. i'm also gay and single in the bible belt. i'm scared in a way of coming out, knowing that i could lose my job or any of my friends just because of my sexuality. i still live at home, i don't drive, and i feel like my life amounts to nothing. i need to get out of this fucking city, but i can't do what i need to do to move because i have no motivation. i want to die, and i know that if i can't make something of my life soon i'll more than likely kill myself. i just can't live like this, i can't carry this feeling of worthlessness. i don't know what help i can get... i'm calling my doctor tomorrow, but i'm at my lowest now, i need help...

nick drakehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kzmvg6n7de epitomizes my sadness/melancholy

i almost did it guys in about a month i'll be 20 years girlfriend free 😎 stay pure friends ^(i genuinely hope the best for you guys, i'm so fucking lonely)

what's that one question that you've always wanted to tell someone, but no one ever asks? everyone always says "did i ask?" and all that garbage. go ahead and tell me a really interesting or cool or funny story that no one ever seems to care about. i'll care, i fricken love hearing people's stories.

lots of thoughts latelylast few days i have felt so dark depressed and miserable. my brain is telling me to die i don't want to die but i keep having these thoughts. :( i was trying to work today kept crying i feel hopeless and a big failure in life.

damn it i wanted to post some pictures possibly some cats maybe flowers i don't know what i have left at this point(a lot) but no more images until monday alright i guess you wait until then

i feel like i don't have my life together.does anyone else feel this way? i am almost 28 years old and i feel completely lost. i have a steady job (although it causes me a lot of stress), and i can afford to pay my bills and eat. i have a loving relationship with my partner. i still feel like i am doing life wrong. i feel like i'm on the verge of tears nearly everyday. i am struggling with chronic pain on top of my mental health issues, but i would say, on paper, that my life isn't "too bad". i've never seen a therapist, and i think it's too late for me to "fix" myself.

this doesn't make any sense.i want a hug, but i don't like being touched. i just get all stiff and awkward. gah! i contradict myself so much. does anyone else feel like this?

im done.i wish i wasn’t scared of the pain that would come with killing myself, i want to disappear so bad. i stop myself because of my mom and brother but if there was anyway to make my death look like an accident i would. i feel like my life has no point and it’s so empty. i see no point in calling any hotline or trying to have people talk me down, im a piece of shit and its so obvious it hurts.

sufferingsometimes i feel that the human condition is to feel nothing but pain; like we were meant to suffer ever since we left our mothers womb. is it in our nature that we have a default setting where we can only have feelings of despair. ive been depressed for many years now and to me it only makes sense that our soul purpose in life is to avoid suffering and fight through the sensibilities of self-doubt, loathing, and consciousness. any thoughts? edit: sorry for wording; im new to this

i need to talk..to someone, anyone really.

i'm just so tired.i'm tired of living, tired of doing the same things everyday, tired of myself, tired of my mind, tired of my family, tired of everything. i'm not so depressed that i can't function, i'm just...empty. i've practically come to grips with the fact that i'm never going to get better, all i want to do is sleep to death, but still, i have to keep on living despite everything...i can't do it.

anyone else a perfectionist?i kind of assume most people are to some extent because that's the kind of culture we live in. we worship "perfection". "mistakes" are met with suspicion and can easily be seen as a sign of weakness. it makes my life a living hell though. nothing i do is ever good enough. only perfection is ever enough, and of course that's something only "other people" can do. perfectionism causes me to overthink everything. it drains me and causes me tremendous anxiety and stress, which leads to me feeling like i have a learning disability. it depresses me hugely too. it kills my motivation and sucks joy out of my life. other people make life look so easy, even if they're miserable. i envy all the people who are able to hold down even a job serving tables. my failing memory makes me unreliable and a shitty worker. the stress and depression also kills my energy.

no one is necessarily a bad person. you shouldn't want to m0rder someone for being "bad". read more. everyone is shaped by their environment. entirely shaped. all the way. their education from their environment and their brain/body structure determines who they are. they dont choose what that is. they arent at fault for what they get. for what they turn out to be. now, this isnt an excuse for people not working on bettering themselves. you can do that. you should do that. just that the want or even ability to better yourself comes from your environment. if you never got the right pillars of circumstance, you would never want to do that. you would never want to become better. you would never be better. if you did, you would. no doubt about it. we are entirely controlled by things outside of our control. so you shouldnt hate someone for how they are. you can dislike them. but hate? m0rder? that isnt justified. maybe its justified why you would do it. your own ignorance. but the act isnt moral. it isnt justified itself. hating a racist isnt right. it shows your ignorance. people are racist for one reason. ignorance. mis education is taught to them. people arent born racist. it's just their environment. they had no control over that. if they legitimately knew that racism was wrong and incorrect, they wouldn't be racist. but they don't, so they are. if you were in their shoes, you would be racist as well. 100%. your hate isnt justified. your actions against them aren't justified. the best thing you can do is try to eduacte them. if you want to. it's the only thing that will fix the problem. and it's the only moral thing you can do. we don't choose our circumstance. dont hate someone for something outside of their control. society needs to learn this.

no passionis life worth living when you don’t have any passion? i don’t know what i’m doing or what i’m aiming towards anymore. i’m going to college soon and idk what i wanna study. it makes me feel like an idiot. why can’t i just be passionate about something? i feel so behind because it seems like everyone else knows what they want to do and here i am being a waste of space. i want to fucking kms everything is too overwhelming. i don’t have a chance at life anyways i’m too fucking stupid.

questions about getting help.hello. i've been having a lot of trouble with bad thoughts lately. stuff that demotivates and makes one not want to do anything. it has been starting to affect my work and i often find myself staring at the screen and losing sight of whatever task i was working on. generally losing productivity. i do not know if it is anxiety or depression. i think it may be depression because i find myself not wanting to do anything, wanting sleep after work, and stay in bed on the weekends. i was wondering if there's anything that can be subscribed that will "quiet down" that inner voice so that i can get work done. also, i do not visit a doctor on a regular basis, so i do not know exactly what to do. do i go to the er? is there some sort of special kind of doctor i have to call? also, do i have to openly have to talk to someone about my problems? i'd rather not talk about it with anyone and don't feel comfortable doing so. just a prescription would be fine.

question about aliens if an alien from another planet comes to earth and has a baby in the united states, is the baby considered an alien?

i have a great idea youtube rewind but it's full of all the awful things that happened with komm süsser tod blasting in the background

i need your advice...not gonna write a wall of text about my story now, i might do it later though. just to make this as short as possible, i want to be able to talk with my friends about my depression, that im having suicidal thoughts right now and have been close to killing myself before, but i fear they will tell and my parents will try to give me professional help and send me to a shrink and whatnot. that is the last thing i want... holding this for myself is really getting to me, and i dont know how much longer i can take it. i want to "risk" talking about it, but if they were to tell someone else i'm afraid it will get worse and i would end up actually going through with suicide. help me reddit i dont know what to do...

fuck drawing me and all my homies hate anatomy fuck drawing or sketching, literal rocket-fucking science with the amount of bullshit i have to put up with in my hands. i’ll literally have a clear image of a pose i want to draw and it ends up looking like a overcooked potato wedge because i still don’t know how to draw anatomy yet. and too top it all off i have to keeping doing this everyday for like 5 hours for 3-4+ years if i want to see major improvement.