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thePixel42

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depression-detection

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gacha rolls so i'm part of this discord server that has this thing where you can roll for anime and video game characters. every hour i make sure to come back to get all of my rolls in. i feel as if it is slowly eating away at my soul. i have begun to measure time on when i can roll for my next waifu. its to the point where i even organize my day on when i do my rolls. there's even a pokemon slot machine that you can roll every two hours. as i go on, day by day, i will be consumed more and more by the gacha.

10/02/15 tuesdaygsjwixueyhs

no where else to turn to on a mobile so probably ganna be screwy due to autcorrect but here goes. i have no one to talk to. here is the only place i feel like i can talk without being ridiculed (by people who i actually know). there is no reason for me to be sad. at all. i'm a junior in highschool, i'm somewhat popular and as far as i can tell, no one dislikes me. i'm loved by all the faculty and i'm very active in my school and get to travel a lot with that. i'm also a straight a student. everything is going for me, and yet, i still get these creeping thoughts of suicide. i have very supportive parents but i feel if i talk to them they'll look at me differently. i wrote a suicide note with the intent of being dead via pills by the time they woke up, which obviously didn't work, and i had to spend 10 days in a mental hospital when they found the note that morning. this has changed our relationship and i'm scared to further alter it with my bullshit feelings that shouldn't exist. i'm on medicine but they don't work 100% of the time. i've tried "self medicating" myself with weed, which helped, but i'm currently out of a dealer and i don't have a source of income so i couldn't buy any anyways. i've had these dreams where my father keeps bullying me, and it always ends up the same-him telling me to kill myself. i'll usually grab a gun (we keep guns in the house for hunting purposes) and point it at my head but never pull the trigger. well last night, i pulled the trigger, which is freaking me out. i want to die, but when it comes down to it some part of me is too scared to do it. i don't want to lose my parents, my siblings, my friends, my girlfriend, all i've worked this far to obtain, but then, i do. the dreams bother me because they're very persistent on getting me to kill myself, and my father, of all people, would be least likely to do anything besides a loving and caring person. my brain has just been a huge mess lately and i had to get my thought written down. i'm sorry for wasting anyone's time who actually read this.

toxic assetsthrowaway i believe that i have become a toxic person, someone who should not be dealt with or helped as i spell trouble. although i was successful in high school and college there was always underlying depression. add onto that an inappropriate sexual relationship with a cousin 4 years older starting in middle school, the last episode of which happened after graduating college. also, my father is emotionally abusive and gives and takes love and support at will while having huge uncontrollable fits of rage at times. this is just to give perspective. i worked hard to get into a program beyond undergraduate which would have yielded a prestigious degree. at the time i had a mostly happy 2 year relationship. while in school though i found i was struggling to keep up and care while my long distance relationship slowly deteriorated. i failed classes and then made them up but it kept putting me more behind. i was diagnosed with depression during my second year of this degree and made to go to counseling but it didn't seem to help. it only leveled some things out without seeming to fix anything. eventually i was desperate to find something to give me back my academic prowess or allow me happiness or insight. i tried marijuana then some specific synthetic psychedelics. it landed me in a psych ward due to psychosis and again didn't seem to fix anything. this was the effective end of my relationship too so i felt isolated and didn't know where to turn. i didn't reach out, i failed, i was called on my bulletin for not being consistent with appointments and failing again. i was let go. i moved home but it seemed like i lost freedom and control over my life. i wanted to feel something, i wanted to be loved any way i could. i tried meth. it landed me in the er for tachycardia. i was looking for jobs, but nothing seemed to be biting with my skill set. it seemed either i wasn't listing enough skills or dropping out was a huge black stain i'd never get past. rewinding a bit my porn tastes went from tame hunks to some kinks and bareback to full on partying. the whole scene was irresistiblely destructive. i went to a video store to meet up with someone never intending to do meth again. it changed when i met someone who did it. i don't know why i decided to try it again. i thought i could avoid hiv with prep. things got more intense with the smoke in the room and the fantasy. i let a guy ravage me who said he was on prep. then it just snowballed to two other guys who also said they were negative and on prep. i wanted to believe them. i was afraid to leave because i certainly couldn't drive in the state i was in but this paled compared to the sexually driving effects of what i had been given (which to my knowledge was only very little). yet things here, like my life, seemed to keep spiraling and i began to suspect something. why didn't i have to pay for this? why was i feeling so odd? things didn't seem right but i couldn't think clearly. video was taken, two of which i received. there was supposed to be a third. it wasn't on the guys iphone when i checked under videos and he said it must not have recorded. i doubted it. once i felt better i managed to make it home, but with the feeling i had been violated. these guys all knew each other. i could no longer believe they were truly negative given their lifestyle (they were still young and not what you'd think of meth addicts). i felt deeply violated, but the worst part was that i had asked for it with my poor decisions just as i deeply felt i played a part in encouraging the sexual relations i had with my older cousin as a child. all of this seem self inflicted and i deserved it all. this brings me to today. i feel alone but not actively suicidal. i don't know how to deal with them in a healthy way and find an appropriate professional, even with insurance, as the copay is more than i have. i have family support but i feel i can't open up fully and be honest with all of these struggles. i feel i should go to the hospital about the possible pozzing, but i know it would lead to a drug test which would show a pattern of 2. at that point i think they would just assume it's something i do all the time and be incredibly biased against me. i felt hostility the first time i went to the er. that and i still don't think i should drive. i have prep but don't think it will be enough for the possible damage done given the length of the encounter. i feel like i will secondary given my suspicions and only having prep for a few weeks. this is a throwaway to vent and maybe stand as a cautionary tale. i don't think i can trust myself so i doubt anyone will ever really trust me as lying has become so common in many ways. i believe i am an addict despite not craving drugs. i think my addiction is to the taboo. i think i am slowly killing myself with pride, shame, and quest for something to make me feel alive. i hope i can break this path and find a mental health professional who will be helpful. i know i should try to go to he er now rather than sitting on this but i have a hard time with doing it myself and not making things worse for my family. even then with the mountain of school debt and other debts i can't actually afford to spend hundreds on the copays and tests and maybe more for meds that may not be ultimately needed. i don't think i can actually recover from all of this to a place where i had intelligence, respect, and success.

posing random things until i stop feeling down day 12: kinda doubted in doing this but you know what? f*ck it. so today i’m feeling kinda better! and i started writing a song, it might take a while but, i’m trying, okay?

just want to talk...i kinda just want to talk about how i'm feeling right now. so i'm currently a college student who was forced to drop out of school due to my depression and suicidal thoughts. all of my friends are now 200 miles away and i miss them terribly. this weekend was especially rough cuz we had plans to do a group costume, but obviously i couldn't take part, as well as the social aspect of halloweekend was hard on me. so i stayed off social media, hoping to avoid anything that would remind me of how lonely i feel (i spend my days at a partial program full of senior citizens). tonight, i decided to go back on. lo and behold one of the first pictures i see is of the group in their costumes posing, complete with another friend of mine in my spot. i feel like i got stabbed in the heart. i'm playing video games to distract me but i'm still really hurt and frustrated by the situation. i just needed a place to vent. thanks reddit

i wish there were more commercials telling me how trying these times are😭 like gawd damn these times are so trying😩

suitei want to die i just took 25 pills i'm so done with life

bruh i want to be looked after i just want someone around

i live in spain the s is silent

i woje up early and im not tired so i usualy have scholl at 8 50 am but today i woke up at 7 and im not tired at all. wierd.

send me your servers i want european servers, with 20 people max. pls don't be an only dudes server.

bitches be like "why are you so weird?" i have autism bitch, that's why

my mental health has improved so much do you wanna know my secret it’s very simple just get lucky and get a snow day 2 days in a row

how to get meds for my depressioni'm really tired of dealing with the constant sadness and thoughts of suicide, so i think i want to try some medication. some people say they work some say they don't, but i don't care right now, i need something to hold on to. would i have to talk to my doctor?

youtube recommended has become too powerful i haven’t needed to search up a single song or video in like 2 days, it’s always the first or second thing whenever i open the app. somebody please slay this incredibly convenient monster before it becomes unstoppable.

i am bored. give me something to draw as long as it’s not nsfw or overly complicated i’ll draw it :)

too much luck.it's luck. it's luck you can even work hard. it's luck. it's luck you don't have free will. it's luck. it's incredibly difficult. redditors are reading this and in looking for something more powerful.

flashback to the time i had a laughing tic shit sucked. i felt like the damn joker and couldn't go anywhere because i was way too embarrassed to be out in public like that. my friends would just be talking in an xbox party with me and mid conversation i'd just start quietly chuckling to myself. fuck that tic. i mean fuck tics in general but fuck that tic specifically.

what's it like getting going to a party in high school? i graduated last year, and i keep hearing people talk about how much fun they had. i thought it was just something that only happened in movies. what's it like being invited to and attending a party?

a story made by an ai “once upon a time i just don’t want to get to heaven or not even though i’m just jealous lol i love you too much mama mama bye mama mama daddy mama mama love you mama mama love mama mama daddy mama mama bye mama mama love you bye bye mama bye bye mama mama bye love bye you guys are ok and daddy bye i don’t think can do that you want me to come back here for the next day i don’t understand what you want me to go bye love i just want you to be a little macaroni and moon and you know what you mean bye bye mama mama love you bye bye mama bye bye hello joshua hello hello heyday oh lord oh yeah oh lord oh wow oh lord lord oh lord you are a good man i hope you’re doing well i hope you guys know that you have a penis” the end

even going into a one night stand you can still end up feeling used and worthlessi knew what he wanted. i knew it meant nothing. i knew i'd never see him again. but somehow with the bar near the ground he still managed to dig under it and remind me how fucking worthless i was, am and will be. i dont want to be used anymore. i dont want this life anymore.

fuckingfuckshitfuckfuck, gaaaaaah. why do i suck. i kept turning down my husbands calls so i could self harm, and now hes just trying to convince me not to. and i dont know how to tell him i did, i just keep apologizing. maybe he will find this post, then i dont really have to say it.

i ended my friendship of 7 years with my only friend todayto sum things up she got a new boyfriend about a year ago, and ever since then i've had to wait 2-7 months inbetween hanging out with her. she was always 'too busy', even though she sees her boyfriend 1-3 times per week. she continued to tell me that she wanted to see me but is never available, but i stopped believing that and now believe that she just doesn't want to see me and doesn't enjoy spending time with me. she's also a huge flake; constantly cancelling plans on the rare occasion we make any. meanwhile she has not cancelled on her boyfriend once. it's obvious to me now that she just doesn't want to make an effort to make herself available to me, and that i'm not a priority at all to her anymore. we talked about it and i told her that she needs to at least spend time with me once a month but she said no so i just ended it. i've tried talking to her about these issues before, and every time it was the same thing; she apologises, promises to improve, but does it again and we talk about it and it's an endless cycle. this has made me miserable this past year and i love her so much and it hurts to end this friendship but in the long term its the best thing for me. i don't know how i'm ever going to make a new friend who is anything like the way she used to me. up until this past year every moment with her made me happy and now that its over i'm just miserable.

i've been battling depression for years. so tired of it all. warning: ranti feel like ranting. i've been a user of this site for quite a while--at least a year or two, yet i rarely post or comment. this is a good place to get something off of your chest and to relate and help others out. i'm no different from anyone here. here's my story. just like a lot of people on this site, i've dealt with emotional abuse. it was mainly from my peers growing up. i grew up in a rough neighborhood and was bullied for 'acting white' despite being black. i wore glasses, lame clothes and read and drew stuff all the time. i was apparently an easy target--i was a nerd. even though i tried standing up for myself at times, it didn't better the situation--it merely fueled the fire of me being this giant spectacle that anyone and everyone fucked with and i just ended up getting into lots of fights. i couldn't help feeling so alienated. i didn't have many friends and had terrible self esteem and confidence. it got to the point where i wanted to be anyone, just anyone... except myself. so most of my childhood memories just consisted of me being socially isolated, drawing, writing my own stories, playing loads of video games and listening to music most people would consider me strange for enjoying. alas, i was cultivating my creative side, but another part of me yearned to just be social and accepted by my peers. it never came. when i was sixteen i moved to a different high school and dealt with racism on a nearly daily basis. slurs, stereotypical jokes, you name it. it got so bad that i was just fed up and felt as if i couldn't ever be happy. i felt as if a part of me died for good. i tried to kill myself and ended up in a psych ward after breaking down in front of my guidance counselor. the meds seemed like they were working...at first. after a while though i didn't even want to get out of bed. i refused to go back to that school. i saw this whole transition as a failure. here i thought i could start over by moving, yet it was still more of the same. disappointing. i temporarily dropped out of school. my senior year, i went to yet another high school. this was the beginning of perhaps my most darkest days... i became very 'emo'. i straightened my hair and grew it until i looked like i belonged in a band (and even tried to be in a band at some point but things didn't work out) and became very antisocial. at this point i think my peers and just about everyone i met could tell how fucked up i was in the head just by looking at me. i took a year off from school and then went to community college. i wasn't entirely sure what i wanted to do with my life. i had always been fascinated with acting, and started taking acting classes when i was fifteen. i know, it's ironic, isn't it? a depressed, suicidal guy who sometimes likes to pretend as if he can't feel anything at all has aspirations to be an actor? i'm just a walking contradiction, heh. community college was worse then senior year. i only had one 'friend'--he ended up having some type of mental disorder. he claimed that he didn't even know what it was and that doctors were still evaluating him. i have a feeling it was borderline disorder though. i found out that he was also abusive to his girlfriend and cut off the tip of one of her fingers when he slammed his door on it. despite this, she took him back when he got her name tattooed on his chest. he thought i was trying to steal her from him, but i wasn't...he was just a crazy motherfucker. i grew very misanthropic and suspicious of everyone for a while after my encounter with this guy. i attempted again and again after that, forgetting all about academics and a future for myself. this year i've attempted about three times and have been in three psych wards. i've been in psych wards on five or six different occasions now. some people say that psych wards are just as bad as prison. i've never been there but i don't think that assessment is that far from the truth. meds, therapists, groups...none of it seemed to do much for me. i even had ect done up to seven times, and now my whole life is pretty foggy. it's like i don't even know myself anymore after the 'treatment'. if someone asked me 'what was the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?' i'd be hard pressed to come up with an answer. but it might just be for the better; after all, there really wasn't much that was worth remembering, anyway. now i'm back on track to try to make it as an actor. i'm at a college on the other side of the us. i'm almost of legal drinking age and i know plenty of people at my dorm. this halloween i dressed up as darth vader. imagine my surprise when it was announced that there was a worldwide casting call for the lead roles for star wars: episode vii. and just a week earlier my friend said 'i have a feeling that you're gonna be famous one day. i don't know why--i just do'. my teachers praise my acting. all those suicide attempts ended in vain and one of my therapists mentioned that i've had so many failed attempts because i wasn't meant to die by my own hand. it all feels as if it's some giant foreshadowing. like sometimes i can't help but think if i stick around i really will make it one day. despite this, i still always feel so empty inside though. one of the major reasons is that i find it hard to enjoy anything at times and i'm always chronically bored and i try to fill this void with excessive self medication. this never leads to a perfect solution however and once the high is over i'm no better off than i was before. i even got in a heated altercation with my roommate that became physical. now i have a room to myself. i still hate the fact that it went down that way. no matter where i go i always have to fight and deal with people who want to harass me. another pretty big thing that gets me down is the fact that i never even kissed a girl. in fact, it wasn't until earlier this year when i was in a psych ward that i realized that i wasn't as ugly as i thought i was. i was showered with compliments. sure, some girls complimented me when i was growing up and even during my senior year some girl was obsessed with me but i was way too emotionally broken to give a shit. "you're so handsome," "i think you should model," "you have a nice *physical characteristic*". the compliments aren't always from girls, either. so, this is all true, you say? yet why is it that i've been rejected by more girls than i'd like to admit? i know i'm not the most funny, interesting or witty guy around, but i go out of my way to help others and make them feel appreciated. at this age everyone's experienced a bit of love. and the fact that i haven't at all makes me feel as if there is truly something wrong with me. despite the hardships i've endured, i don't want to take out my frustration out on anyone. because that's honestly where i am now. i'm just frustrated and tired. today i listened to some of the music i used to listen to and all those feelings that were below the surface arose. it's like i can never escape this cycle. for there might be a day when i could be complacent with my life but my subconscious always seems to be drawn to the notion of an eternal sleep. it's just a nightmare that never seems to end. so why fight it if i could just not exist at all? thanks for reading this if you made it this far.

i have thoughts working against me**trigger warning: suicide, selfharm** waking up on the floor in the middle of the night with a deep cut in your wrist.. u remember doing it, but also not fully agreeing or being aware doing it.. i lost control. i can't control my thoughts. it's not voices. it's like thoughts to harm yourself or others, being so strong and pushy, u start doing it to be free of that feeling. it's a battle in my head. "cut your arm", while i'm also thinking "no, don't. there is no reason for it. everything is okay". these weeks i noticed these 'battling thoughts' were present previous year as well. i would draw them as me, a white wolf, and the thoughts trying to convince me to kill myself, a black wolf with no pupils. when i was having a difficult time, and a friend told me during a discusion to kill myself, those thoughts came up, constantly fighting so badly. "leave the house now and try to kill yourself" and "go to your mom now cuz it's gonna go wrong". i wrote a letter while those thoughts were both present. then i dissociated and came back to reality after i just had cut my wrist really bad in a forest. went to the hospital for stitches and stuff. my mom told me the letter came over like it was a suicide letter but at the same time me begging them to go find me. so when i had a little discusion with a group of friends, i also had these thoughts battling again. one thought i won't mention as i don't want to give people any ideas for harming <3, and one to just go to bed. i ended up just automatically doing my bad thoughts. i was aware of doing it, but i didn't feel like i was doing something wrong. and then i kinda was aware of myself again, sitting on the floor. noticing i had cut my wrist again. the post is in this subreddit cuz mostly the bad thoughts are suicidal ones. and i'm scared i'm gonna do something if those thoughts continue to try to convince me. and again: it's not voices. it's my thoughts. according to my psychologist it's not ocd.

anyone wanna play the number game? i'm boooooorrreeedd

i just can'tfirst of all, to the person who is following me and down voting all my posts, fuck you, get a fucking life lol. now to the post: i went to try to get therapy and i'm apparently starting a long term plan now. i had a "crisis plan" meeting which is supposed to be a plan for when you're feeling suicidal and i just...can't. nobody understands, definitely not the person handling the crisis stuff. i can't communicate my feelings to anyone, absolutely no one in the world. a lot of people are well intentioned and want to help, but i am trapped within myself. killing myself is the only way i can escape. nobody seems to understand this. when i kill myself it's going to be 100%, i'm not going to try to explain to someone why i need to fucking die. and i don't want to stop myself from self harming, that shit feels good sometimes and helps me more than any human being ever could. i don't even know why i'm posting this i just wish someone understood. i was made to believe that therapy would give me that, but nope, they're just regular people trying to help, they don't have special abilities to fix the fact that i am not meant to live.

any of you want to smash? 1v1 friend code is sw 2672 3685 0899

three years manand i fucking cut myself again. i've been trapped inside of my own mind for the past year, i go weeks without a shower/changing clothes, i only want to do drugs and sleep, and the only girl i ever really cared about pretty much told me to fuck off. i just can't take it and i've been fantasizing about suicide for months. not gonna do it, but boy is it a fun thought. i'm just pissed off all the time, have ridiculous mood swings. i'll be feeling whatever for the day, but as soon as i look in the mirror it is self loathing. i have no interests, and the only interesting things about me i hate to tell people because i feel like i'm bragging or just that they don't want to hear it. i hate myself for hating myself, i shouldn't have any problems. i don't deserve the shit that i do have and i really just want people to leave me alone even though i'm lonely. some days feel like a dream, and i always feel totally isolated from everyone. my friends don't ever ask me to hang out with them even though they seem to like me. i just feel so lost inside myself.

i stayed up all night playing minesweeper like dude, it’s 6:30 am. i’ve been playing minesweeper for more than 5 hours straight. how did i become this? what is wrong with me? i keep seeing 1s and 2s next to literally everything i look at. i have problems.

just not seeing the point of it alli wake up in the morning, spend all day at my job which i hate, get home in the evening too exhausted to do anything other than browse reddit, then go to bed. lather, rinse, repeat. i graduated university a few months ago, and i can't say i've been at all happy since then. i have no friends in this new town, and no time or energy to go out and meet people. i can't see why people bother with this whole adulthood thing. i feel so much better when i'm asleep than when i'm awake. why can't i just stay asleep?

aye im old now i'm now 14, cool beans

hi everyone! just curious as to how you're doing! really though, how are you? i'm here for you◜‿◝ )♡

conversations starters for your crush? i’m looking for good ways to start a conversation with my crush, we talked for ages 2 days ago and it was really cool i got to know a lot more about her, i started the conversation by asking if she found me annoying and surprisingly she said no and then we started talking, she also says she takes long to reply because she barely goes on snapchat which is true, she goes outside a lot but we don’t live near each other. so i’m looking for some other good ways to start a conversation with her does anyone have any advice.

my pronouns she/bitch fillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfiller

school make me sad. home make me bored. me always sad and bored

new some advice on supporting gfso i'm currently just over a year in my first relationship with my girlfriend. she's been depressed since the beginning of it just not as bad as it has become. she had a good streak going for awhile, was happy about her new job, school, and a list of other things. but recently those things have been stressing her out and put her in a bad state of mind unlike anything i e seen yet. her meds don't seem to be helping her only sedating her. she mentions she just doesn't want to get out of bed anymore and that nothing she does is worth it (school, going to work). it doesn't help that her mom and step father come after her for her eating habits or think this depression is just her trying to get attention. they don't seem to grasp they could lose her. also has a lot of difficulty finding a doctor or therapist as she claims therapists especially in our area are on a very long wait list to get in. i would love some pointers on things that could help her climb out of this. it's a terrifying thought when her head is telling her to end it and she tells me all of this. i just try being there for her whenever, make her vent to me and cry to let it all out, push her to go to work and tell her to take it piece by piece and day by day cause it can only get better.

i just realized that i'm a simp i was recently talking with my crush on training, when some of my friends pointed out that i'm really too nice/cheerfull to her, and that it smells like a simp. after that, i was thinking while about it. i came to conclusion that he was right, but not just about her... i was like that to everyone. always when i meet new people, (no matter gender or age) i'm extremly simping to them so they will like/respect me more. i was thinking while about to change it, to start showing my "real face" to people, but i'm afraid that no one will really like me. that once i open up to them, they won't care about it and will ignore that. i don't know what to do about that... i don't want to be like that anymore, but i don't want to lost friends who find me "cool" because i confirm each of rheir statements...

our dog is really sickhe needs surgery and might not make it. i just got out of the hospital recently and just can't take another loss right now. he is everything to me. this is just too much.

im have 3 followers im scared what should i do aàáâäæãåāaàáâäæãåāhh

im scared i'll take all the antiplatelets and i don't want to ruin christmas but i want this to stop...i feel so fucking shitty right now. i don't know what is chemically wrong with me, why i feel so hopeless and corpse-like 90% of the time despite my life being incredible. i just lost my job after lying and saying i had gastro and couldn't come in and my boss yelled at me and told me i fucked up the business and he hasn't paid me. my parents tried to help and then it all went downhill and im in my room with a bottle of antiplatelets in my dresser and i'm having this powerful urge to down it all and slice my pathetic thighs open but i can't do that because so many people love me for whatever reason. i dont want to burden anybody, yet the thought of me wanting to die being a burden makes me want to die even more. i feel so fucking trapped. i want this to stop. i just wish i were dead. i was supposed to join my family on a vacation tomorrow but i just can't do it. i don't want to get out of bed and make shitty gifts by hand because im completely broke and cry because "wehh im depressed". i feel like such a lazy sack of shit and i hate how i can't take responsibility for my actions, and i also hate that i downplay everything and make it seem like im fine so that when i'm really not okay my family thinks i'm just exaggerating or hormonal. maybe they're right. i don;t know. i don;t care to know. i just dont want to be alive anymore. and that makes me feel like a selfish fucking asshole. my life is the best it's ever been. i feel like such a little bitch. i don;t want the consequences of killing myself or trying to, i just want my life to stop. i just want this feeling to stop. it's fucking torture. what do i do

crimas time /\ < > \/\/ /\ * \* * \ \* * \ * \* * / __| |____\* __|_ |_________

what do you do when you start to feel really down?or try to do, or at least wish you could

i want to end it all because death would be better than life???right, so here we go. i'm a 13 year old girl, and i go to a top-notch private school in aus. i'm like a terrible kid; i slam doors, i scream, i try and run away. and when i do those things, my parents punish me, they have a right to. but their punisment methods are what hurt the most. twice in the past year, my dad's hit me on the head so hard that i've gone dizzy and thrown up. just yesterday, my mum beat me with a shoe until my back and right arm were sore and i was begging her to stop but she wouldn't. also, there's verbal punisment. my parents threaten to kill/hurt me continuously. my mum constantly tells me that she would kill herself if it wasn't for my sister, whom she loves dearly and would never do this to me. she also tells me how she would like to set me on fire, break my neck, kill me etc. recently, i've wanted to end my life more and more times. it just seems like nothing will get better, ever, and everything's my fault. everything hurts, and i've seriously contemplated suicide a few times, though i know i'll never do it. yesterday, in the car, my mum yelled at me, and i was crying in the backseat. a truckie saw me, looked at me, but he didn't do anything. he. didn't. do. anything. i've thought of him over and over, and each time i do, it hurts even worse. i've spent nights in the bathroom because i know if i go out, i will leave my house in the back of an ambulance. mostly, though, my parents are really nice. they buy me a lot of things, pay heighty school fees. this stuff happens only rarely. but when it happens, it's terrible, and i don't like it, and i'm begging for my life. y'know, i think they like seeing me beg, sometimes force me onto my knees. i know i'm probably just another spoilt little kid in your eyes, and i'm too old to be considered a child anymore, but to me, it's really serious. i'm actually scared for my life here. one day, i'm sure my parents will do something we'll both regret. yesterday, i called dhs, and my parents found out. they told me about all they've done for me, and said that i was a stupid, ungrateful slut who, if it was legal, they would have killed by now. i felt so ashamed, and wanted to die again. sorry for it being long, but seriously, what do i do? i'm barely a teenager, yet here i am, being so hurt. please, tell me what to do. i don't want to go to the cops, and dhs is not an option.

i think today i realised how much of a british accent i got i asked my mum if she wanted some water as in watoah or however it sounds like

darkness, its good to see you.today i built up the courage to finally tell my crush that i like her. no, not *that* cutsy young love drama. i just asked if we were just friends or maybe something more than that. since the start of the first semester of this year, i believed we had subtle flirtations with each other. slowly and slowly these interactions had trickled down into something i could trust. something that wouldn't easily deceive me like last time. after what happened last time i think my confidence had collapsed on its last legs. when i had entered college, i was determined to alleviate my anxiety. reading posts on /r/depression and /r/anxiety really helped. you guys illustrate my misery. it honestly helps to know that people are experiencing the same problems that i face with anxiety which truthfully uncovered the delusions i made for myself. but i'm sorry to leave you like this, guys. i have to see my old friend, darkness. you see, i was deceived. she told we were just friends and made me feel delusional. the final stand of my anxiety. we still hung out after that, as she is a cool person to hang out with, but she subtly told me why i'm not cut out for her. boring came up a lot. boring? because i'm not used to partying? getting shitfaced with people you enjoy company with? i wish i could enjoy these things. honestly. i know i'm boring... yep shes a bitch. screw her... but that held some truth that i know i want to fix. but the thing is i have no real friends to enjoy these kinds of debaucheries. the circle to pain continues. welcome to the depression! last time i got rejected i started smoking weed. how bout we get some crack. lets dig right in. > /s ah, but i'll dive deep. ill just keep swimming. spiraling down the abyss. but never fear. i know i can swim up. i just need to find some flippers and get the fuck out of here.

people say words that i wish they would never say and never do things i wish they would do. stop your cotton candy bullshit. once you get out of the uwu cutesy aesthetic and you know, *actually show mental problems* and react differently than the hollywood depiction of the defenseless shy guy who is just so poor**™**they try to avoid you as much as possible. people are so fucking fickle, it feels like i can't trust them anymore, no matter how sweet their words are. i feel like the sun is weighing on me every day, waiting to burn me to a crisp. and because of that, i fucking loathe the faux sympathy people put up. can't blame them though, there's so much awful shit we see every day it's numbing us. it's almost as if people still have a very idealized perspective on mental illness and just go off the "don't worry, everything will be ok! let me coddle you so you stay in your escapist bubble" because they don't realize that isn't healthy. the way mental health culture is, particularly online, just pisses me off in ways i'm not sure how to articulate. it's like people just want to keep you in this state so that you can keep being the way you are with no improvement. i wouldn't doubt if the pharmaceutical industry added to the sickeningly infantile "please keep taking your meds, and breath! you're a worthless sack of shit worth nothing to society, but that's ok, you're human <3" attitude that people have when talking about mental health. the fucking dark aspects of it are glossed over to keep up with the plastic image of society. i'm so fucking done with you. no one will know i exist 500 years from now, if the world will even exist by then, but god and my family. and i'm fine with that. let me do my work. that's all that really matters, and you know it. you still eat hershey bars made from child slavery. you still buy nike shoes. the idea that anything else really matters is naïve. i'm putting my all into my art. it's all i really focus on anymore besides school and helping my family. no, i'm not gonna let somebody tell me i need to "relax", and encourage me that i'm fine the way i am. and i'm not gonna let your words define me, and break me down into what you want from me. my family gets worried about the amount of time i spend just working. i take breaks of course, but i'm pretty much addicted to it. maybe it's just a reaction to all the procrastination and laziness i see in people that pisses me off, or to know i was like that once. maybe it's just me being tired of people not keeping their word. i'm sorry for ranting like this for so long, but i needed to breath.

i made this using ms paint and a mouse, and just felt like sharing it with you guys ​ https://preview.redd.it/ui1sr4qqq5561.png?width=1193&format=png&auto=webp&s=3e895007fa96ff9b20e6c72387a5756c3440266c

citalopram: motivation and mood swingsso my gp got me started on a 10mg a day dose of citalopram, and i've been on it a week now. first day was incredible, i had energy!! i talked and smiled and laughed. however, i saw a counselor that day and he was worried i was manic. he seemed alarmed that i was talking so quickly and was having difficulty stringing together coherent thoughts. he advised me to call my doctor. i did not. second day was much the same. third day was good in the morning and then roundabout late afternoon i fucking crashed. someone asked me if i was drunk i was so out of it. struggle to keep my eyes open, none the less string more than two words together. things were fine until tuesday. tuesday i was so tired i couldn't get out of bed. i hadn't been that tired since i had cancer. my entire body hurt. my brain was all over the place yet i could barely make a sound when spoken to. had a depression management meeting at the hospital that i had to drag myself to, but beyond that i stayed on the sofa all day. my flatmate saw me and cradled me in her arms like a big baby while i sobbed. i'd never experienced being that low without cause. promised myself i would make it to classes the next day. i did not. next morning: got dressed, took a shower, put on make up, put on jacket, stood in front of my mirror and just broke into tears while i talked to myself about inane bullshit. i was too scared to leave the flat and have to face anyone, the condition i was in. obviously turned into an 'under the duvet' day again. finally today i made myself get to my first lecture, doing my fucking best to avoid all contact with everyone. i could get out of bed but i'd be damned if i could actually interact with anyone. unfortunately i ran into an acquaintance on the street and had to do my best to remember how to speak to people face to face in a civil and functional way but i could tell he was a little confused with my slurred words, slow response times and quiet voice (when i'm usually quite animated). that drained me so i headed home, took a 10 minute nap and skipped the rest of my classes. again, under the duvet. this is where it gets weird... so i've not been motivated to do anything. nothing matters, why bother, too tired, can't focus, i hate everything, hate myself, i should fail like i deserve to, yadda yadda. then something weird happened. a couple hours ago i got up, i made dinner. i sat on the sofa and worked. i started getting super focused on my paper. i had energy again. i had motivation. i could walk without looking like a cross between the flood (from halo) and a sloth just from fatigue. i could speak normally! i've had a lot going on in my head recently that i haven't been able to vent so i'm sorry for the over-explanation. but, my question is basically this. has anyone else experienced anything similiar to this while on citalopram? its my first time with any kind of mood med, so its all new to me. my friends and family think its a side effect of the drug, especially the tiredness. however, while i don't dismiss that idea, my theory is that my brain has just finally decided it would like to fully explore the extent to which it can malfunction. for context, i'm a 20 year old white female living in the uk (though i'm canadian, study abroad student). struggled with depression, anxiety and various eating disorders for quite a few years (no official diagnosis but i'm working on getting that done) **tl;dr taking citalopram for the first time. first week has ups of great energy, focus and motivation and then the down of the worst depression i've had yet, leaving me incredibly exhausted.**

mm, monke monke go soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi

pm meim 13 years old and im feeling pretty suidical. my mom is emotionally exhausting and at school i just feel so alone. i feel if i dont talk to someone ill just slit my wrists and kill my self. please pm me i need advice

explain to me how the muppets are racist im really pissed off at disney, because they are recognizing the muppet show, as racist. for those who dont know what the muppet show it's a show, that started in the 70's, featuring puppets as the main charchters. some explain to me how a bunch on puppets is racist. how are puppets like kermit the frog racist?

bitches with 0 karma really think imma reply to their dm i only reply to reddit kings with >10k karma cuz imma karma whore 😤😤

friend is deeply depressed and has thought about suicide. help me talk to them.i recently found out that my friend thought about committing suicide. while i knew that they were depressed (they told me they were taking medication) i had no idea it was this crazy. i ended up finding out through a friend. i need to talk to them about this. what do i say? how do i approach this? please help. edit: talk went well. friend really appreciated it.

it's easy enough to hide the worst parts about the depression without people getting in the way right?so i looked at my ex's fb and saw some shade thrown at me. i felt horrible and angry when i was driving home. a friend who's asked me to work on a project texted me earlier today to check in on me since i've been late with the work required. i feel like a fucking mess but i'm afraid to tell people where i'm really at. i am afraid i'll be tossed into a psych ward or be given a cocktail of drugs and be numb. i figure it'll be okay so long as i don't really tell people everything. i know this isn't logical but i don't know what else i can do to keep from being turned into a prisoner or zombie.

i masturbated for the first time. it was about 4 years ago(13) when i first heard about the deed and i felt like this isn't something i wouldn't commit to. but somedays back i really had the urge to just bust a nut, hence i did it. i felt so ashamed that i did such a thing. i know a lot of people say it isn't a sin but my mom keeps telling me it is. so i feel like i'm in this battle against myself and god that i've done something wrong in his standards but in terms of us humans, it's not. i tried to tell my mom, my pastor's son, and my brother but i felt no one would listen to me and they would just disown me. if anyone has any suggestions on what i can do please tell because i feel like i don't know if anyone in my family is going to listen to my sinful act.

i'm lost in life.so i'm sitting here depressed. i realised i do nothing in life, just work and see time go by. no passionsno hobbiesbarely any friends(2). i have adhd and can't focus on anything long enough to get good at it, and with low self confidence i don't go out and even if i did i wouldn't know how to hold a conversation and would be too scared to start the conversation. i just don't know what to do in life, i'm so lost. i have a good heart, and i have lots of compassion, but who doesn't. i just look to the future, thats all i do, and one day the future won't be there. =(

comment your best joke for laughter comment your best joke to make people laugh and/or enjoy jokes that other people commented. for the noobs: if you don't know what a joke isa thing that someone says to cause amusement or laughter, especially a story with a funny punchline.

my stepsister walked in on me jackin’ off she sighed and said “you’re doing it wrong” and proceeded to slap my hand away and jack me off herself this totally happened by the way

someone hmu lets pretend were gay just pretend tho. not like im actually gay or anything why would you even think that aha thags so silly. i said just pretend only why are you cuddling me. oh my god this feels so good i mean stop ew stop wtf get off me yuck

you know what i find sad any revelations i get about existence have already been had. my ideas or thoughts have all been thought already, by someone smarter and someone more stupid than me. there's no uniqueness to even my thoughts

today i was in a bad mood and was mean to my sister idk i just feel bad now :( i hate how insecure quarantines made me

this life is so fucking bullshit.i want to die.

is it normal to randomly black out should i be concerned

i want to die.i’ll be 21 in 3 months. not sure how i’m feeling about life right now or if i’m even looking forward to it anymore. i struggle with substances and i’m going homeless. i just got kicked out of where i’m staying. i have a job. barely any friends. i struggle with weed and adderall addiction. i don’t have a guitar with me. i just feel so low. i’m just in my car waiting for the guy to let me get my stuff. life just feels like nothing right now. empty. i know i could make it so much better but it still is awful. i want to give up. i’m tired of being homeless. i’m tired of working jobs that i hate. i have no interest in college unless it was for music. i know i’m gonna always hate my life doing anything besides music. im homeless though right now, and don’t know where to go. i’m confused and lost in so many ways. i wish i could give up or things could be better right now

i may be one big tough mother fucker😎😎 but sometimes i just wanna be held and cry

wow i turned 20 today almost forgot to unsub. have a nice day

i feel like i missed out on a large aspect of university.i left home age 18 to go and study at university. i got a good degree area and was moderately interested in the subject. i wanted nothing more than to try some one nights stands, just once or twice. go to a party or two! maybe get drunk a few times. i couldn't wait to go out and party during freshers week. in my 4 years at uni i went to a nightclub once during freshers week with the people from my hall. they asked me out a couple more times, but i don't know why i didn't go. i ended up spending every single night alone playing video games or studying in my room. i hated myself every night for not going and doing something with people. 4 years somehow passed and i never had a one night stand, went out socialist once during my freshers week, i never got drunk, i never tried taking drugs. i never even got to make a friend. i overheard the other people in my hall talking about how weird i was on numerous occasions. i remember hearing the people in my hall getting drunk together at predrinks, coming home late, having sex with other students they just met. i desperately wanted, and still want to, do all that. so yeah, 4 years of uni and a great degreebut i didn't check a single item off my uni bucket list.

how to know you swear too much when your 4 yr old cousin repeats it. like mine did. she said: “eat shit” and “wan da fuck”

fffffffuuucki am losing my mind

i need 70 orange bois to hit 30000 total orange points and am shamelessly whoring. i'll do (almost) anything you ask as long as i get the doot. if you don't care about my goal, thats cool too give me a dare anyways

i don't know why i don't want to live anymore...i mean, i already know, but i can't describe it. i've tried it before, with a psychologist. i told her that we (humans) are shitty egoists who destroys the planet without consideration. but that's not really the truth. so the statement itself might be, but that wouldn't be my reason to die. much more likely that life doesn't make sense to me. seriously, humans only exist to reproduce and they don't even help the planet. but actually i don't give a shit about that.

speed commenting someone actually get a time pls speed commenting round 16 u/mistercakelol if you don’t comment i’m going to lose it #(please don’t tag the contestants as it ruins the point of the game) round 1 gamerdude9999: 21 mins 45 secs round 2 gamerdude9999: 31.91 secs round 3 4nimegf: 29.56 secs round 4 strwbrry_dnt: 29.66 secs round 5 tadddyy-: 24.83 secs round 6 r0adripper: dnf round 7 uncultured_orange: 34.06 secs round 8 crusadertheseccond: dnf round 9 lxivere: 41.45 secs round 10 i_am_bored69:47.27 secs round 11 darthbane190: dnf round 12 its_to_girl_lexie: dnf round 13 weedbeater110206 dnf round 14 suspicious_fag:dnf round 15 daboss6595: another dnf round 16 mistercakelol:17.38 secs good luck

what was the last thing you ate and if you haven’t eaten, pls eat >:((

how do i express my concerns about a friend's dark/suicidal thoughts?i've posted about a friend of mine before, on a now-deleted post, but the issue has come up again. tl;dr: a friend and i play dungeons and dragons together. he admitted to me that he's felt suicidal ever since he was a child, but feels he can't go through with it due to his religious beliefs. recently, my friend started playing a new character in d&d. the character was dark and suicidal, and, though it *felt* like he was playing the character to the point of absurdity (i.e., he was so dark that it looped around and became funny again), knowing his background, several of his comments had me worried. for example, the character begged the in-game god of death for oblivion, he expressed in conversation that happiness was impossible (something the player himself has expressed), and his primary character motivation *seemed* to be to complete the quest so he could kill himself in peace. just to be 100% clear: he was roleplaying as a fictional character, but one that dealt with his own issues. thus, i'm not 100% sure how much of his behavior was the player himself speaking, or the character drawing on the player's experiences (and not necessarily his actual in-the-moment feelings). however, i still found these comments rather spooky, especially things like the character's expressed desire for a guilt-free death followed by nothingness--which felt for me like a rather literal wish fulfillment, given what he's told me previously. as his dungeon master, if this were any other character, i would spin this attitude into character development: "hey, look, here's your long-lost girlfriend! she knows that you don't *really* feel that way, you're just broken-hearted and acting out! she's here to help you find meaning again!" knowing what i do about his (the player's) background, though, i feel like this approach would, at best, come out as tone-deaf, and, at worst, be outright offensive. [i will add--i managed to convince the character to stick around and serve in the death god's church--though with the caveat that the character still gets a "get out of life free" card, if desired. not ideal, but i tried to nudge him [the character] in the direction of admitting that life might be better if he finds some meaning in it, rather than just moping about the fact that he's still breathing so much.] do you have any ideas for how to talk to him about my concerns? i've never done this before, and i'm afraid that straight-up cornering him and saying "i'm scared, dude" might alienate him or make him think i've been judging him--especially if he protests that he was just playing along, and didn't really feel that way. any particular ideas for what to say/what to offer him in terms of help?

ive done it now.well thats it. ive fucked it up for the last time i think. the thought of dying scares me but i dont want to live anymore. i hate who i am and who ive become. i just wish to be forgotten about and swept under a carpet. im so good at hurting the ones i care most about. thats how i'll be remembered. im an utter failure at every aspect of my shit life. i wish id just get hit by a bus or a bolt of lightning or something. even thats too good for me. /rant

humor and depression?okay so a lot of my friends tell me i'm funny and i'm always that one guy that's making everyone laugh and i also have deppression, and i remember the first time i told my close friend he couldn't believe it because of how i act and what not, well anyways i noticed that a lot of comedians(not that i'm one) suffer from depression, why is that we can make others laugh and feel happy, but yet can't make our selvs happy? is anyone else like this

my father has never been proud of me or proud of something i did, in my entire life.i’m 23. never did any good in my academic life, flunked a good amount of years... when i graduated from high school (a shitty one cause i wasn’t able to progress in a good one) my father looked at me and said: so you made it huh? we used to fight all the time, he had said some really mean stuff to me, with the right to say so, cause i’ve never made him proud. made it to college, my first course was law, for the surprise of nobody, flunked the first semester... did it again, and managed to pass to the second semester. flunked again. started to see a shrink, she tried to get me and my father close again, and it worked for some time. now comes the even darker part of my story: i used to smoke weed and still do (it helps me forget i’m a living piece of shit) but i live in brazil, and weed is light years away from beeing legal. one day i was with a friend at my car, when we were busted by the police, that took us into custody by possession of marijuana. that friend i had used to sell, but i didn’t knew he had a large amount with him (i had nothing with me). police in brazil is corrupted to the bone, so my father had to bribe the police so i wouldnt go the jail. (in brazil jail is the worst place you can be, i would be killed, jails are ruled by organizes crime) after those events i discovered that an old “friend” of mine called the cops on us. before all that happened, i was planning to move to california so i could go to college there, but guess what, that never happened (i was accepted at the institution) after all of this happened, my father asked me to get back to the college i was studying before and asked me to not flunk anymore. now, december is the end of my college semester, i managed to get some pretty good grades, did well in a lot of tests and shit. except for 3 subjects (if you flunk more than 3 subjects you flunk the semester). in that case i won’t flunk the whole semester because i just flunked 3 subjects, but in the next semester i’ll have to carry those 3 flunked subjects along with the other subjects from the new semester. there is no good public education, so my father pays for my college, and those flunked subjects has to be paid separately, but they’ll be added to the monthly college fee. and that, kills me inside cause i’ve really tried to make him proud and happy, but all i’ve brought to him is shame, so now i’m really considering to take my life away, i can’t bear to see him sad because of me, i can’t bear with the feeling of trying and failing at every single thing i do, i can’t bear with the feeling of seeing everyone else graduating while i’m still at the fucking first semester of college, knowing that i have 5 more years ahead before i graduate. it kills me inside to see my father paing for my insignificant existence, i just wished i was never born at all, i never wanted to do any harm to my father or anyone else, i decided that it is my time to go, and take all this weight from my father’s shoulders, i know that it will hurt him if die, but i guess in long-term all this pain will fade away. i can’t go on living any further, if i made my father suffer i could make my future wife and kids suffer as well, i guess i’m just not good for anyone even though i try, all i wanted was to close my eyes and never wake up anymore, and if you guys know a way i could do that without suffering i will really appreciate that. hope someone reads this and helps me out...

alt girls make-up advice hey! where my alt girls! i need some help w good makeup ideas, products, preferably cheaper. i don't need to be like super casual for school, no dresscode in my school. i started to be more bold and open about myself and bold makeup is just too much fun. i would describe my style as a mix of a soft girly aesthetic with grunge comfort, kind of korean alternative fashion, but push me outta my comfort zone! reference picture of me, you can roast my makeup skills: https://ctrlv.cz/dg1j

just downed 1,000mg of zolofthope this is enough to cause serotonin syndrome at the least, if not i could just make this a cocktail and down my whole bottle of olanzapine as well.

when your best option isn't an optionmaybe this isn't the place for this. i don't know anymore. i dedicated five years of my life to being an emt in some misguided attempt to redeem myself. before that i was all kinds of things. i did well in military school. i'm an ivy league dropout. i was a drug dealer, and a prostitute, and a caregiver for autistic children, and a drug addict, and a devoted step parent to special needs children, and a foster mom for stray animals, and just about everything else you can imagine. i was 300 lbs. i lost 150 lbs. i'm a popular bartender now and i make a great living. but i'm in freefall. i've run out of road. i'm waking up screaming every morning, when i'm lucky enough to sleep, remembering fucking on webcam when i was twelve, or beating up a lifelong friend over a drug debt, or trying to tell someone, somehow, that there was nothing i could do to save their baby after a rough delivery. my entire life, i've sought out every extreme i could think of to make myself feel... something. and now i feel everything. i couldn't possibly do to my family and friends what i've seen suicide do to those who survive it. but i want out. i resent my loved ones for refusing to release me. i don't know what to do with myself. life is impermanent and meaningless, and the freedom to fail keeps a lot of us ok with ourselves. we hold on for others, or for the hope of a better day, or whatever bullshit we feed ourselves. but what about when you're suffering so much that you just want to say fuck you i tried. why can't they be the ones to get over it? bad things happen all of the time. why do i have to keep doing this, just so you feel better? does anybody out there realize that all it takes is one careless person in traffic, one poorly chewed bite of food, one venture into the wrong place at the wrong time to render all of your fighting this impulse to be all for nothing? and then it wasn't even on your own terms. i'm trapped by their weakness and all i'm doing is hurting myself worse and worse every day just so they don't even have to even get a taste of the suffering i've witnessed, absorbed, or lived day to day. the thing is, though, that whether you make it or not, they will face comparable adversity. when is enough enough? when is the unthinkable permissable? i won't do it. but i'm asking all of you who come here, why do you still keep going? is it for you, or is it for them, or is it just your base nature to survive, whatever the cost? my point is this. i'm not still here for any good fucking reason other than to try to not contribute any more to the unavoidable suffering of others. i can't save anyone from anything. this isn't a pep talk. if your suffering is so great, so intractable, that you can't keep going... well shit. i guess you did something you were always going to, which is to die. you're doomed from the moment you're born. but if you're still fighting, then you sure as shit has better know why you're doing it. i've seen first hand how people suffer, and how they get over it. so it isn't for them... and it sucks for you, so it isn't for you...so what else is there? a moral obligation to observe an instinct that every worm, every weed has to survive? that isn't present in you. so what is your reason? because i have no fucking idea, and yet, here i am. i'm not going anywhere.

i just needed a place to rant, its really long, thanks for any support.i didn't use anyone's actual name for safety reasons if you are confused about the names. i (m15) was born on march fourth 1998. i guess it started going downhill from there. my mother shouldn’t have been able to give birth at that point, she had too many medical problems, non stop bleeding, the day she was scheduled to get her uterus removed the doctors did an ultrasound to see make sure that she wasn’t pregnant, they had been trying for multiple years to have a second child and that day they found out she was pregnant with me. around third grade (i really can’t remember when) my grandfather on my mother’s side was diagnosed with cancer, leukemia to be exact (he wasn’t my blood grandfather but he may as well have been, i never knew my blood grandfather). he died because the damn va messed up his chemo times, he was a great man and i respect him greatly, his death is part of the reason i lost faith in god. he died when i was in fifth grade i believe. a few years later, maybe sixth maybe seventh grade my brother(18 at the time now 21) was diagnosed with leukemia; it was his senior year of high school when he found out. he went through his first chemo and it cleared up, a month or so later it came back, i was the bone marrow donor for him and now he is in remission but it still has the possibility of coming back. during the first time in the hospital he was dating some bitch named jamie, me and her never got along, she always told him she would come up and visit him but only did once for just a few minutes, the fucking bitch had a way to the hospital we offered to give her a ride but she always had an excuse. after he finally broke up with her he got together with a girl named jessie, that had met while working at a boy scout ranch, she was good for awhile, she would come to the hospital all the time which was good emotionally for him but she ignored most all safety precautions because at times he didn’t have an immune system. when he finally got out of the hospital she started getting worse and worse, he was always with her, even when they were at our house they would always stay in his room and ignore everyone. she started being a bitch about everything and when my brother was in the hospital my mother had been pushing my brother to eat because he had basically given up and jessie, my brother, my mother, and my father all got into arguments about it all the time; of course i knew nothing of it. i attempted suicide multiple times throughout this time of my brother being in the hospital and after he got out and in remission, obviously i was unsuccessful, my body never let me do it i would try and then i would lose control of my body, i would stand up and put the knife away and just sit down motionless for long periods of time unable to move without something getting my attention. i never really had friends until junior high. as a child i played with my brother who was older by five years but looking back on my life i didn’t have anyone i could actually call a friend until seventh grade when i became friends with kofuku(m15), even then it was just him. when i started high school i made four other friends kanashimi(m16), kyoki(m16), mesuku(m16), and kachinoai(m15). my brother and i had become interested in dungeons and dragons; we were never able to play due to not having enough people or time. a few months into the school year i started playing d&d with kanashimi, kyoki, mesuku, kachinoai, and kofuku, we all got pretty close throughout that time and we know most everything about each other (aside from kachinoai). at some point in second semester kachinoai started being an asshole to everyone around him, including the five of us. he started telling people about something personal about kanashimi’s girlfriend wolf(f16), i don’t know what it was it’s not my business so i never asked. kachinoai also tried to get a friend of his to jump kyoki, we still don’t really know why he did any of it but none of us really talk to him now. i've been depressed most of my life since my grandfather died i suppose. nothing had helped for a long time, my friends had helped a little but even then i thought about killing myself, at the beginning of tenth grade i had thought of killing myself, the thought was stronger than before, i would have done it if it wasn’t for kowareta(f15), she had been dating mesuku since sometime in ninth grade, he broke up with her at some point in first semester (i’m really bad at remembering dates of anything) i had had a crush on her since the first time i saw her in ninth grade but i never acted on it i was too shy and the she started dating mesuku. i talked to her after mesuku broke up with her trying to figure out what happened we started talking a lot after that and found out that we had a lot in common, i really enjoyed talking to her, we talked a lot throughout the next week or two (bad memory not sure how long exactly) i asked her out after that she said yes. since then i have tried to be with her as much as possible but her mother is very protective and doesn't want her dating, she took away her phone because of it; so know i can only see her or even talk to her at school, weekends are torture and the five day break for thanksgiving was hell for me. now christmas break is coming up, two full weeks with no contact with her. i love being with her and i love her but it’s hard not being able to see her or talk to her. we've been together over a month and it’s the happiest time of my life. life is hell, but i have a reason to go on.

bye bye i'm gonna cut my hair in like an hour. bye bye hair idk if i should go over ahoulder or right under shoulder

goodbyeheyo reddit, i just wanted to say thank you for the time i was on here. im sorry i was such a disappointment, you guys are awesome. i love you all, and goodbye.

anybody feel like all the pretty/nice girls are all taken, or would just never be in to you? lately i've been seeing this girl i work with, she's really cute and super nice! found out she has a boyfriend. i also have this really pretty/nice girl at school i chill with at class. she has a boyfriend also. and the rest of the girls i would be interested in, i could tell just wouldn't be interested in me. anybody else just feel straight hopeless?

i'm not even really sure what to do at this point...so, i've fucked up. fucked up good. i'm pretty sure i'll make it through this, for now at least, i just need some advice, or just someone to listen i guess? i don't know. i guess i should start with my story here. i ended up hooking up with my co-worker. i knew it was a bad idea. she's got a boyfriend, i despise cheating/cheaters, but i've been desperately single for 3 whole years. i think something happened after my last relationship, i've come to deem myself as "broken". i don't think i can bring myself to fully trust another human being to not hurt me. my last ex cheated on me with upwards of a half dozen or more different guys at once. she twisted my arm into an open relationship because she knew i couldn't bear the thought of losing her and being alone. i eventually cut her off, but not before sustaining a lot of mental scaring. i don't trust people. when i think someone is about to hurt me emotionally i break down into a hyperventilating shaking mess. it's really pathetic. i've worked as a bodyguard for a rap artist, i've worn a bullet proof vest and carried shotguns and rifles to protect people with. i've had guns pulled on me, and i stand tall and defiant, but if you fuck with my feelings, i come unglued. anyways, i can see all the signs and the red flags with this girl. i know it's not going to end well for me. i ignore them, tell myself not to get attached. we go on to spend what was probably the best week and a half of my life that i can remember. we drank, we partied, i blew loads of money on hotel rooms and dinners and just going ape shit. it was fucking magical. the sex was amazing. i felt like everything was finally turning around. then she starts talking about feelings, and i caved. i realized i was catching feelings. we talked about it. i realized she was slowly slipping behind the defensive wall i built in my mind 3 years ago to stop myself from self-annihilating. i told her, "be fucking careful". she promised she would. i ment everything to her. last night she told me she felt bad about it, and wanted to stop. i fucking knew it. i knew this wouldn't work. it can't. it reeks of the same signs my last ex had. i fucking knew this would happen, and i let it. i'm broken. i don't think i'll ever trust another human being. all of this in just a week and a half. i let someone in for a week and a half, and then i let them destroy me. oh, and on top of all of this, i just found out there's a several thousand dollar contract out on my life for talking to the police about an ex-associate soliciting a murder for hire. all of this happened in the last 48 hours. all i can do is sit at home and drink whiskey on my couch with my rifle trained on my front door. i don't know what the fuck to do anymore.

ugh this girl i like wears oversized hoodies all the time it's so cute she's 4'10" so basically no clothes fit her so she has to wear oversized stuff and it's so fucking cute my heart wants to melt. also her being comically short helps the cuteness level.

so, uh. it's been 3 years. where y'all at?://i.imgur.com/jleqi9h.png yes. i am in fact in my bedroom, too.

is depression different for everybody?hey guys, in the last few days i was thinking if i'm even depressed or if i'm just making shit up. after reading hyperbole and a half or having a chat with some people with similar problems i came to see that people seem to have far different problems from what i have still mine are labelled depression and fit in the 'usual' description of it. i just worry that my problems are not relevant or prevalent enough to justify taking medications or actually getting help. so, is there a pattern for depression or ist it different from person to person? also, are my problems really there?

anybody got tips on getting a gf/bf? yeah basically im a bit lonely and need some looooove

rambling, since nobody else listens.i'm sitting here waiting for my professor to show up, it's my birthday and i've never felt more existential dread than i do now at 22. i just finished getting off the phone with a clerk that called to remind me i will be owing 700 something dollars thursday for an mri of my jaw. though, this isn't me complaining, this is merely a run through of what my day consists of even though inside, i feel a gnawing sadness. my disability counselor i spoke to last friday made me feel awful. i opened up to her about my anxiety about returning to an outpatient physical rehabilitation center that she recommended because of my previous experience with a religious zionist who said "everyone else around you has it much much worse than you do, you need to be grateful." and my disability counselor told me she agrees too that i need to be grateful. i had a stroke at 19 that i'm recovering from. it changed my life, drastically. i don't open up about things, i internalize everything because i'm constantly being dismissed and belittled by people who should be helping me. it hurts because i'm human. but at least i have a compassionate boyfriend and my dog. i am very grateful, that i am able to walk and talk given that i wasn't supposed to, but it doesn't negate the feelings that come with dealing with the aftermath of having a stroke and all the other traumatic things i have experienced for 5 years now.

dad used to play harmonica when mutually masturbating together so now when hear harmonica get erection even though dad is dead from rectal cancer dad used to play harmonica when mutually masturbating together so now when hear harmonica get erection even though dad is dead from rectal cancer

posting until i ask my crush out part 10 everything's all good but i've been kinda depressed, i found out last night that my grandpa has terminal cancer, i don't know what kind but it doesn't matter, wish me luck...

a serious question for other boys, girls please dont read this do you have the skin of your penis "thrown back" 24/7 or just for masturbating/ having sex? i know this is a very absurd question, but im dumb as fuck, so please dont be rude with me. i've never masturbated before so i dont know

why is depression suddenly showing up?i very probably have depression. it's in my family but until a couple years ago i was a very happy person. there is nothing in my life bad that would cause this but i suddenly find myself going to therapy for it. if it's in your genes does it just show up once you get older? why did it just suddenly take over my perfectly normal life? edit: i'm 17 by the way.

where is my swag gimme your swag, you took it all

drop some of your favorite songs atm in the comments to be included in my post series in this sub details:://www.reddit.com/r/teenagers/comments/kb6fyn/thinking_of_doing_a_post_series_on_this_sub_give/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share details2:://www.reddit.com/user/42-pigeons-on-reddit/comments/kb9ssk/its_all_coming_among/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

anyone else live like this? just a mix of sad and horny, but your too sad to take care of the horny, but too horny to take care of the sad?

i'm tired of the emotional abuse.i'm emotionally abused by my mom, i have been for the past 20 years. i can't remember a time she was actually nice to me. everything is my fault, i guess i can see it too. but i don't think i deserve it, i never thought i deserved it. she keeps on saying she's sorry and how "i will never treat you that way again" but she does. i can't leave. my parents are together. i have no friends who live near by nor no family members who will take me in. i'm a shitty child. i'm tired of it, i'm tired of being treated like shit. i'm tired of living everyday wondering what she'll say or do to me today. i cry over just the thought of asking her to take me to my doctors appointments (i can't drive. i have epilepsy). i would love to run away but i have no way to. i want to get away from it. i want to end it. i want to never hear from her or see her again. i have to deal with it whenever i come back for the holidays. i can't afford to move out, i'm a college student so all my money goes to classes. why was i born into this family? why couldn't i have a half way decent mom? why couldn't i have a mom who loves me?