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NvekIDd0iEbvhW1sPzgB36cZwUTRINRa
a0owmy
{ "description": "inadvertently getting my friend suspended from his favourite sport", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 4 }
AITA for inadvertently getting my friend suspended from his favourite sport?
We both swim for our highschool swim team and we are both notorious for skipping practices in the shower. He has done it more often then I have, and is usually the one prompting the idea. So he disappeared today, and I, being the only one who 'accidentally' left their swim suit at home, was sent on the hunt. The manhunt began, so I walked across the campus searching all of his regular spots. The locker room turned up empty and the coaches were growing anxious. I called him and he declined, so I knew he had his phone. My newly discovered detective skills told me it would be a good idea to mess with him and once I found him, I would snapchat him a picture of his new hiding place. The search continued into it's 13th minute and I was nearing a conclusion. There was a pool of water around his bag indicating he had been there earlier. The tracks curved to the door headed into the lounge. Alas, I thought I had him. But even the lounge managers were unaware of any suspicious swimmer kid leaving early, I was wrong. ugh ok so I was heading to the locker room for one last check, I heard voices. It was him and another kid in the family locker room. These doors lock from the inside, but I wanted the element of surprise. Right before I could leave and return the news of some absent swimmers who didn't deserve any punishment, a coach walked over. She asked if I found them. I fumbled. Here's the conversation as far as I can remember. coach- " Have you seen them?" "haven't seen them" but I fumbled too hard. and I said too much "but I have heard them." So remember when I said I was going to spoil his hiding space over Snapchat? just a minute earlier I had sent him a picture of the door with the caption "gotcha bitch" The coaches got both of the and suspended them from swim. I was threatened with a face punch if I talked to him when heading back to the locker room to recover my absent sweatshirt I heard him vaguely say to the other skipper "I'm going to punch his face in, why did he do that!" I hate myself for it, they were my two lane mates. I've lost two good friends for good now. I'd like you to decide if the snitching and my behavior was assholey. J has Reddit, I'm sorry man, pretty sure I'm a dick.
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 2, "OTHER": 1, "EVERYBODY": 2, "NOBODY": 0, "INFO": 0 }
AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 1, "WRONG": 4 }
WRONG
wHjFBUHDY6iQpXqnqJ8u15hUuqYdHxjx
b4owkg
{ "description": "requesting to no longer work shifts with an injured coworker", "pronormative_score": 2, "contranormative_score": 0 }
WIBTA for requesting to no longer work shifts with an injured coworker?
One of my coworkers broke her leg. As a result there’s a lot that she can’t do and has to rest frequently. I really feel for her and her situation, but shifts are a two person job at minimum and it’s causing problems. My manager has actually reprimanded me because of how late I was getting out of there because I had to do almost all the closing down by myself. During the actual shift I start running behind right away and it just gets worse throughout. It sucks this happened to her and I don’t want her to feel bad about her current limits, but I no longer want to work shifts with her until she is healed up.
HYPOTHETICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 0, "OTHER": 1, "EVERYBODY": 0, "NOBODY": 1, "INFO": 1 }
OTHER
{ "RIGHT": 2, "WRONG": 0 }
RIGHT
eFqaF6YchsU5wafXZ6BxwyWpRRoCyU04
aloax2
{ "description": "thinking that my friend shouldn't have a girlfriend", "pronormative_score": 3, "contranormative_score": 3 }
AITA for thinking that my friend shouldn't have a girlfriend?
Quick context: I (F19) have known my friend (M19) for over 6 years. He has always been a close friend, and we were even a couple for one and a half year over 4 years ago. ​ During the four years where I have been single, he's had 3 other girlfriends, all which ended when he got broken up with. Currently, he found a new girlfriend on Tinder that lives 3 hours away (we're quite rural), and he's been dating her for 3 months now. ​ Problem is, my friend has been depressed ever since he finished primary school because of bullying and isolation, and therefore is a package of problems. I have no problem with him being depressed, I was one of the people that actually helped him get proper care one year ago once he got to his lowest (almost suicide, told his mom behind his back) which got him what he needed. But I feel he should wait with the dating until he starts feeling better and is more capable of taking care of himself. While his depression doesn't physically manifest anymore (tired, lazy, no motivation), he is still very mentally and emotionally broken. All those girlfriends I mentioned dumped him because he became too needy, and while their lives moved on and had other stuff happening his only things were gaming and the relationship. He started demanding more company, but the problem with his company is that he mostly uses it to get the attention and love he needs and pays romantic attention to you only when he remembers that he's supposed to. I know this very well because I was the first that had to put up with it. ​ I haven't said anything about it yet, but I have told him while he was single that he should wait in getting a new relationship until he's happy with himself and able to create his own happiness instead of just relying on romance. So Reddit, AITA for thinking that my friend shouldn't be in relationships while
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 3, "OTHER": 0, "EVERYBODY": 0, "NOBODY": 3, "INFO": 0 }
AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 3, "WRONG": 3 }
RIGHT
T9y73p53AxjSRYq0bgU0M574aMb8bwF5
b3rnck
{ "description": "lashing out at my girlfriend", "pronormative_score": 2, "contranormative_score": 6 }
AITA for lashing out at my girlfriend?
I live in city A, am from city B (where my parents and girlfriend live), and my brother live in city C. My mom is very sick, and lately had the need to go to C, as the hospitals there are better than in B. On the last visit, she had a convulsion, and was internet at the ICU. She has been getting exams done. The moment i knew what happened, i drove to be with my mom. Now that she is out of the ICU, she's been getting visits in her hospital room. My relationship has had some rocky patches, but i know i want to spend my life with her. We come from different backgrounds (specially money wise, me being sort of well off), and it has always been a point of contention for her, who at times could feel very out of place. My parents love her. My brothers love her. My whole family loves her. She doesn't see it, but we have been able to work things out. She wanted to visit my mom, but didn't have the money, and at the moment, me neither. I told her an uncle would be driving by B, to visit my mom, and that he could give her a lift. Well, my uncle did stop by B, but it was very early, while i was sleeping. I couldn't tell her in time, and she wasn't able to visit my mom. I admit this and apologize. The last couple of days i had to come back to A, i say to my GF that we're going to C (i'll drive alone , and i i'll buy her ticket). She starts going on about how hospital rooms cant' be crowded , and that i should ask if she is allowed to visit my mom (she is, no asking needed). I get a little mad and ask her if she's mad that she didn't visit my mom. She says "no" and i proceed to say that she can always feel welcome with my family. We have a long (very tiring) back and forth and i say "everyone would be happy with your visit, you can always feel welcome with my family" She says "doubt it". Well, this got me angry. The only people who could stop her from going are my mom and dad, or me. My mom who's in the hospital, my dad who's living in a couch beside her, or me who's paying for her travel. I say "you shouldn't say that, it doesn't help and hurts a lot" I remind her that my brother's girlfriend (who my father hates) was welcome into the room, and spent a whole afternoon doing crosswords with my mom, and no one said a word about her visit, before or after it. She starts typing. While she is typing, i type "sorry they didn't roll the red carpet from the hospital to your house". As i send it, she sends "i just don't want to be a hassle". Some seconds after she said that, she texts "wow, ok". She hasn't texted me since. I know i was wrong, i apologized a lot. She doesn't even read those messages. I know i acted on an impulse but also feel that she should just come visit my mom without voicing doubt that she's welcome, or at least not throw shade my/my family's way. TLDR; Girlfriend doubts my family wants her to visit my mom in the hospital, and accuses them of not liking/welcoming her. I get mad and say something stupid. She hasn't talked to me since.
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 3, "OTHER": 2, "EVERYBODY": 3, "NOBODY": 0, "INFO": 0 }
AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 2, "WRONG": 6 }
WRONG
6tneGIsTfT4s28TlqdS6s40I2ywPXtl6
ah22jp
{ "description": "not splitting the heating bill evenly because my roommates keep the thermostat in our drafty old house higher than I'd like it to be", "pronormative_score": 3, "contranormative_score": 3 }
AITA if I don't split the heating bill evenly because my roommates keep the thermostat in our drafty old house higher than I'd like it to be?
I live with my 2 roommates and my girlfriend in a northern city. We live in a big old house that was built in the 1930s, so it tends to get a bit drafty. As such, it's safe to assume the temperature is about 5 degrees colder than what the thermostat says it is at a given time. Also safe to assume lots of the heat energy from the furnace gets wasted because drafty house. Cue my dilemma... ​ Being a 20-something with no money (and as someone who grew up in the snow), I see trying to keep this house any warmer than 65 as a losing battle, especially considering how old and drafty it is. I'd much rather layer up and focus on warming myself up rather than the whole house. I hate to sound like a dad, but I just don't want to pay money to heat the neighborhood. ​ My roommates, however, feel much different. They often crank it way up, even past what I consider to be necessary to make the house comfortable (I'll admit 65 on the thermostat isn't the warmest and I'm fine with it being left at 68). But this is ridiculous. I came home one night last week and basically started sweating as soon as I walked in; when I checked the thermostat it was set to **85 degrees!** When I turned it back down to 68, my roommate stared at me and claimed it was freezing in here. (Remember I just walked in from the outside and was burning up so no, it wasn't). I didn't even know how to respond so I just stared at him for a sec before going up to my room. ​ Well we got our first utility bill since winter started last week, and lo and behold it was about twice as much as it was the month prior. We've always split these bills evenly between the four of us and it was never an issue, but I feel like this circumstance is different. I don't want to be forced into paying evenly for the heat and I specifically told them at the beginning of winter how I felt about the thermostat. I wouldn't ask them to split the water bill evenly if I took a 2 hour shower each and every day, so why should I have to subsidize their choice? Especially when the majority of the heat was probably wasted, being an old house with shitty insulation and all. ​ And just so you know, this isn't only about the cost of keeping a drafty house warm. I sleep much better in cooler temperatures. (Maybe TMI) I sweat very easily if I'm too warm at night, and when I do, I always wake up and have to reorient my blankets and stuff so I can get back to sleep. So not do I feel forced into paying for heat I don't want, I also have been sleeping poorly whenever one of them turns it too high and leaves it (which has happened a bunch over the past month or so) and its becoming a real problem. ​ I should state that my wonderful girlfriend has been sympathetic to my issue and offered to pay a portion of my part herself (she too prefers it warm, but much more reasonably so). But I don't want to do that because it's totally unfair for her alone to pick up my slack - if I do end up paying less, I'd want the remainder to be split evenly between the other 3. ​ Idk Reddit, you tell me: would I be an asshole if I refused to split this utility evenly? Should I just bite the bullet, pay this and future bills, and find some thicker-skinned roommates next time? ​ TLDR; Am a frugal hoe who loves the cold, roommates turn heat up too high and I don't want to pay for it. Am I an asshole if I give them less than what they're asking for?
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 2, "OTHER": 2, "EVERYBODY": 1, "NOBODY": 1, "INFO": 0 }
AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 3, "WRONG": 3 }
RIGHT
Fe838slrOvaytHC8eXaoPOzM0BZoRNWC
az6kyy
null
AITA Girlfriend subtly implied I was being inappropriate with her daughter
Throw away account My girlfriend and I recently went serious. I'm a 33 year old guy back in the dating world and have always wanted a family, but never felt ready enough up until fairly recently for that to happen. I really like my girlfriend and I see her as possibly being in that scenario. I also really like her daughter. She is genuinely fun to be around and has a really good sense of humor. As an adult with a child, it's hard to find time for us to be alone together, so a lot of the times that we are together her daughter is nearby I grew up in a fairly large, and healthy family. I remember growing up and cuddling with my dad, mom, and all my siblings. This is something we did often. My brothers and I would even give each other back rubs on occasion. Silly, but we would agree to a set amount of time and who would go first or second. For this reason, I feel like a major way I show affection to others is through touch. I also feel it's a reason we are all still so close now I am not oblivious to the perception of males around children nowadays; I did not grow up under a rock. For this reason, I have made an effort to always interact with my girlfriend's daughter in front of her mother. One night when we were all watching a movie, my girlfriend and I were snuggled up on the couch while her daughter sat on the recliner. She insisted to climb in with us about halfway through the movie and we all snuggled together, which I enjoyed very much. I felt this was her daughter expressing she was warming up to me in a way Fast forward, we're putting her daughter to bed for the night. All 3 of us were in the room. They both climb into her bed and start doing the usual getting ready for bed thing/winding down thing, and I'm just sort of standing there feeling awkward, so I decided it would be a good idea to climb in with them. While cuddling, I rubbed her daughter's back for a few moments, and then we got up and left her for the night. I felt this was appropriate for several reasons. Her daughter had shown consent to cuddling in the past, her mother was there with us, and it's sort of the best way I know of family bonding. This morning I'm texting her. She mentions to me that her daughter expressed that she didn't want me hugging her anymore, and that her daughter wants us to be "just friends" , which I found rather odd. I know it's totally reasonable and valid, so I say that that's fine, but obviously this implies I was acting inappropriate. Part of me believes her daughter never even asked us to be "just friends" and she's using that as a scapegoat in a way because it is her mother that actually found this inappropriate, and not her daughter. That's just speculation, though. AITA in this scenario? Was I being inappropriate? I called off our plans for tonight, as I obviously feel uncomfortable now
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 7, "OTHER": 0, "EVERYBODY": 1, "NOBODY": 7, "INFO": 1 }
AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 7, "WRONG": 8 }
WRONG
Rx3SWcVwaIl6u6tm2omh8HdjwFbBKwCe
a8836j
{ "description": "canceling this date", "pronormative_score": 4, "contranormative_score": 0 }
AITA for canceling this date?
This guy at work has been trying to talk to me on and off. He's very nice, there are no red flags at this point. We've had a few nice chats. We are talking about movies a few days ago- I said I wanted to go see this one movie, but I kept putting it off and wasn't sure if it was still in theaters. It was within context of the conversation. He comes to me yesterday, he has found out that it's still playing at this one theater in town, and asks me to go with him this weekend. I agreed. However after sleeping on it, I didn't feel right. You see, recently I've been asked out by a couple of other guys at work, and others have expressed interest. (Very few women where I work) I've pretty much either turned them down or put them off. (Seperate issue) People in my life have been telling me to loosen up and just have fun. So I said yes pretty much to prove to myself that I could. Then today it felt wrong and dishonest, so I told him I couldn't go. There's nothing the matter with him. He's perfectly nice. He's made an effort to get to know me in our weird work environment. He seems genuine. I just couldn't bring myself to go through with it. Now I feel better that I canceled, but now also a little guilty because I think I might be the asshole. Idk. You tell me.
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
{ "RIGHT": 4, "WRONG": 0 }
RIGHT
q8MC5YES3lpZrNtEdcbjB8vn3LuMksvr
b3jdmt
{ "description": "pulling out of a friendship with my cowoker", "pronormative_score": 6, "contranormative_score": 0 }
AITA for pulling out of a friendship with my cowoker?
I've been working at a fast food place to save up for college. I usually work nights, so it'll be me and one other person in the store for a couple of hours. In the fall, I worked with this one girl a lot, and we became friends. Not close or anything, but we enjoyed each other's company. Then, one day, she just stopped acknowledging my existence. She'd be fairly normal with my other coworkers, but she acted like I didn't exist for like three months. I was hurt and confused, and me being me, I was also too afraid to really confront her about it. I asked if I had done something wrong, but she didn't say anything. So fast forward to a few weeks ago, she starts talking to me a bit again. And bit by bit, she's kind of returned to the way it was before. I finally worked up the courage to ask what had been up, and she said that she had been depressed. And I believe her, she's definitely been depressed (reasons we don't need to get into), but what confuses me is that she hasn't acted weird with anyone but me. And now, whenever I have to work with her, I stress over whether or not she's going to treat me like I exist or not, because it really just seems to depend on her mood. I find that I don't even really want to try to rebuild our friendship because it's so exhausting. AITA?
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 0, "OTHER": 3, "EVERYBODY": 0, "NOBODY": 3, "INFO": 0 }
OTHER
{ "RIGHT": 6, "WRONG": 0 }
RIGHT
I2Qgep4APJBMOreic7HTsMbJE7plXI8R
ay56l5
{ "description": "not backing down in an argument", "pronormative_score": 2, "contranormative_score": 4 }
AITA For not backing down in an argument?
This happened a few hours ago and I'm still confused. TL;DR at the end. So my mate posts a picture to a group chat of him using a filter to look like some K-Pop star or something. Neither of us like K-Pop (I moderate an Anti K-Pop sub because I really hate it.) and we do stuff like that all the time to take the piss. Someone in the chat really likes K-Pop. I didn't think about that before replying "Literally Disgusting". Oh boy did I make a mistake. It really kicked off in the group chat with this person's friend having a go at me for "making fun of something x is really passionate about." I get told repeatedly to back off, but I didn't. Now I wasn't being stubborn just to be a jerk. Person x is the kind of person who will make fun of people 24/7 but can't take it themself. I'd had enough of them not having anything in the way of kickback for their shitty attitude and decided that if they were going to swing at me, I'd swing back. So anyway, after an hour or so of arguing and half a dozen people who weren't in the group chat messaging me about how person x was "really pissed off" it eventually dies down. Now I'm getting the cold shoulder from everyone in the chat bar my mate who just thinks its hilarious. I'm pissed off that person x is seen as a saint even though they just take the piss 24/7 without any kickback whatsoever, but when I decide to have a go at them I'm suddenly a terrible person. Oh and also I'm getting the whole snapchat story of "why do I bother". Does this make me the asshole? ​ TL;DR: I didn't back down from an argument because the other person can't take someone taking the piss out of them but does it to everyone else.
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 2, "OTHER": 2, "EVERYBODY": 2, "NOBODY": 0, "INFO": 0 }
AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 2, "WRONG": 4 }
WRONG
0SZbMbBrZKKkElNRCqQVVb3SDyZPZr70
b6nwpt
null
AITA For not wantihg to move closer to my Neices?
Basic warnings, on phone, this just happened, and I'm 16. My mother and I have had a falling out recently. I have Agoraphobia and it has been affecting her negatively for the past few weeks, but she still says things like "how are you feeling so scared about just talking to your teachers" and shit like that. That should show how little care she has for me in particular nowadays but before I wouldn't trade her for the world. Today, when I came home from school, my mother said that we were going to move several hours away to be closer to my sister, who has made her own family now. The problem is, I have too many relationships here and if we move somewhere else it would be not only tremendously terrible for my mental state, but it would also mean that all if the building up I've down over the years for my friends would've been to waste. My mom disagrees and says that I can just build new relationships, saying that me wanting to stay here is unfair because of how much she has sacrificed for me, even though recently our relationship has been taking a deep nosedive. A saying I modified to explain our situation is "Blood may be thicker than water but blood is still more than 99% water and without that water, your blood becomes toxic and does much more damage than water ever could" Anyways, we had a complete falling out when I said that she could be trying harder to take my feelings into account when she makes these decisions without me or the rest of my family. (I have an older brother who lives with us) but when I said that she just said that I could live with my dad if I want to stay so much. That is pretty much where we are at now. I'll give updates as things happen, but for now. Am I the asshole?
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 2, "OTHER": 2, "EVERYBODY": 0, "NOBODY": 0, "INFO": 1 }
AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 2, "WRONG": 2 }
RIGHT
WfmfJJVYQDjj9cV5LenQbcxdJLBjb9gw
b0ccqo
{ "description": "dismissing bad worker", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 1 }
AITA - Dismissing bad worker
Okay, so we have a small garden at our house, which I take care of but this time It had grown too much and I lacked the proper tools. ​ My mother knew a man who could take care of that. He was not a gardener, but a jack-of-all-trades sort of guy. ​ He had already come to our home to do some specific repairs I couldn't do myself, so I was confident he could take care of it. I'm a bit biased towards him because of his political opinions, which I don't share in the least, but he has always been nice to me, so I try to do the same. ​ So, we call him and we fix a date for him to come. ​ He doesn't show up and texts me an hour later telling me he couldn't make it. We agree that he'll come the next day. ​ He actually comes two and a half hours late with his son and rushes through the work because he doesn't want to spend the whole morning on it. He takes three and a half hours but doesn't trim one of the bigger bushes. I can do that one myself without problems, so I do it. ​ I found out this guy asked her 120€ for the job. I don't know about you, but, for me, it is way too expensive. It is over 17€ per hour and person when they are not professionals and hadn't done the full job. ​ At this point, I don't want to ever hear about this guy again. He has clearly overstepped. ​ Monday comes, and he texts me asking if I would be at home because he wants to come to fumigate (I don't know if it's the actual world) our lemon tree. I ask my mother if she knows anything about this (I work at home and she doesn't work Monday morning) and she says he offered to do it for free. I don't know if he is feeling guilty but I don't care. My house is my sanctuary and I don't want him inside. I tell my mom that he doesn't have to bother and I'll do it myself. We have the equipment and chemicals, so it is okay. I swear I heard her clearly agree. So I told her to sort it out and don't bother responding to him myself. I don't want to have to do anything with this man. ​ Next day, at around 10, he texts me informing me that he is coming over to do the job. No hello. No asking. Just informing me. ​ I am really pissed. I had my best friend coming over who I hadn't been able to see in over two months, and I didn't want to deal with that man with my friend here. I proceed to text back the man politely, saying that he doesn't need to come and I'll do it myself. ​ So my friend arrives and we catch up with a nice chat. A bit later, my mother arrives, and boy, SHE IS MAD and we get into a big fight. ​ She says I am acting childish and immature, and that I only rejected that man's help because of politics. I argue that it was because of his abusive price and him not finishing the work but she won't have any of it. ​ My mother keeps telling me I was unreasonable and clearly in the wrong. I think I was too kind with that guy. ​ What do you guys think?
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
{ "RIGHT": 1, "WRONG": 1 }
RIGHT
1jajLoa66wZOlyIfqiIScMrCLaKoritD
a9xont
{ "description": "not talking with my friends", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 0 }
WIBTA for not talking with my friends?
So, a few months ago, I started talking to some old friends I haven’t talked to in a pretty long time. I noticed that I always contact with them first, unless they’re asking for favors. I don’t really like this, to be honest. I don’t want to be the only person trying to maintain the relationship. So. WIBTA for not talking to them anymore?
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
{ "RIGHT": 1, "WRONG": 0 }
RIGHT
0zItzqEXBqrnAJZKDeViPKHpF2wuioAc
adl6oj
null
AITA: Told Girlfriend no on visiting her kid at the hospital.
Alright, so roughly been with this girl on and off for two months. (She's an abuse victim, so there have been a lot of breaks.) We get along really well in person, but things spiral over text quickly. Anyway, she has two kids one of which is in the hospital due to health issues. I've been more than happy to take her and go up there with her, and even surprise visit her up there because I want to be supportive; there's never been a time where I've said no to visiting the hospital this far. So the holidays are here, I have family in town. I call her and ask: "hey would you like to come to dinner with us, and if you want after you can spend the night." She says yes, okay. Go pick her and her eldest up, go to dinner, everything is good. After dinner, I walk out and my dad asks what we are doing - and I said "nothing, we are going home, we will see you there." So, I get in the car with her, she calls her folks to see if she can spend the night. (She lives with her emotionally abusive grandparents.) They say sure. Okay. So we drive back to her place to pick up some sleeping supplies for her and her eldest then head back home - it's at this point she asks: "Can we go to the hospital?" And I said no, because: 1. It's already pretty late and I have work tomorrow. 2. I told my father/family we are heading back home; so I feel obligated. 3. I asked her if she wanted to go to dinner and to spend the night - that was the plan and what we both agreed to. If she wanted to do something more I'm not sure why she wouldn't have brought it up. So, she says okay and such, we go home - cuddle and talk for about an hour and go to bed; no issue. Next morning take her home, no issue so far but as soon as she gets in the door her grandparents asks how the hospital was and I could see a switch flip in her. We go back outside to say bye, I can tell she's upset so I ask what is going on; she says she's upset about not going to the hospital. In my mind, she had plenty of opportunities to say something along the lines of: Well, then I want to go home so I can go to the hospital. Or, It's really important to me or I'll be upset if we don't go, etc. Especially considering we had to drive to her house already where she could have stayed and gone to the hospital. Instead, she bottled this up and acted like everything was fine. Noting: I have never said no to going before - even when she's brought it up last minute before without mentioning it. I actually rather enjoy going up there and seeing her being all motherly and the last time we went she taught me how to calm the baby down so - rewarding. I've also apologized for the instance even though I didn't really feel like it was my bad and have explained my position to her. So, am I the asshole for saying no?
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 4, "OTHER": 4, "EVERYBODY": 1, "NOBODY": 3, "INFO": 1 }
AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 7, "WRONG": 5 }
RIGHT
AtcNnCYJgJesyC2MrkMkMFGBvUD8vFl1
aj945o
{ "description": "booking two months of rent with my landlord and now backing off", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 1 }
AITA for booking two months of rent with my landlord and now backing off?
So, I found my current apartment in Airbnb and made a deal on the sideline for two months with the owner. This month I asked him if she could book the next two months (February and March) and she booked. Last Friday I asked her to book April and May and she told me she already had someone else to book with and since she didn't bother to ask me if I wanted those months, me and my gf started to search for other apartment. When I told her I was searching for another one and might leave sooner she said she was going to try everything to let me keep the apartment and by the end of the day she told me I could stay in the building but I had to move a different apartment. I told her to book for April and May but I wanted to see the apartment first. This "new" apartment she's offering doesn't have balcony, has old style furniture but seems a bit bigger. Today I went to check a different apartment with gf and we visit one which we found perfect but we probably have to ditch March, April and May in this apartment. AITA for even think of leaving the apartment without keep up to my booking? No legal compromise here. (The apartment we saw today has balcony, 2 bathrooms, very nice living room and the building has gym and nice valet parking service with 24h security for almost the same price as the actual one)
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 1, "OTHER": 0, "EVERYBODY": 0, "NOBODY": 1, "INFO": 0 }
AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 1, "WRONG": 1 }
RIGHT
JSLpRgFKssPRbC95QRFjQoWi1rfO92M0
anfouz
{ "description": "going to the movies while sick", "pronormative_score": 3, "contranormative_score": 2 }
WIBTA if I go to the movies while sick?
A movie I bought tickets for months ago is playing this Thursday. I really want to see it, and this will be the only chance I get to see it, but I came down with a cold and I know it wont be gone by Thursday. If I go I will most likely be coughing a little bit as well as a sneeze or two. I'd feel bad for the people on both my sides as I already know the place will be full. WIBTA if I go even though I'll bring tissues to cover myself when I cough/sneeze? I'd hate to go and feel like the people right next to me would be annoyed of possibly getting sick as well.
HYPOTHETICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 2, "OTHER": 2, "EVERYBODY": 0, "NOBODY": 1, "INFO": 0 }
AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 3, "WRONG": 2 }
RIGHT
u03PQ3AfaI7M8E1DJXuePFAIWAYuOw4Q
as3zcs
{ "description": "not wanting my girlfriend to hang out with her friend", "pronormative_score": 2, "contranormative_score": 2 }
AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to hang out with her friend?
Sorry in advance, but this will be a bit long just to clear some things up. I never want to control her or anything. Or want her to not enjoy herself when she's around me or not. I do get jealous and upset when she is hanging out with one particular friend of hers, and I don't want to feel this way, or unintentionally make her bad for hanging out. ​ About five months ago we were at a really bad point in our relationship. No one was happy and we decided to break it off and see where things goes. Fast forward to about a months ago we start to reconnect slowly and realize our flaws in the relationship. We still have feelings for each other so we decided to try things out again, but from a different perspective since we knew each others faults and decided to work on it so nothing gets to that bad point again. ​ I know and fully understand that what she or I did in those months apart shouldn't reflect what happens now, and I don't think or feel anything within that period should be used against one another. I know one of her friends had a crush on her for a while, and after we broke up they started to hang out more and more. I'm not sure if they did anything together or if nothing went that far, but I know when we started getting back together to see if we could make it work, he was her picture on her phone, and always texted each other. It was a bit weird, because the photo was of them two laying together on what seemed to be a bed? Not entirely sure, it was a face shot. There was an incident a week ago where the friend started to show interest in another girl, and she was stressing and told me that she doesn't know if he likes her, or likes this other girl, but wouldn't fully explain why it mattered. She told me a few times that I shouldn't worry about it because nothing is gonna happen between the two of them. But I am not fully sure as there are things that point towards there being feelings. Such as what I stated above, and how she would go out at night for an hour to go to his break, or when they go and hang out they would just drive around or talk in their car for hours before she would come back to hang out with me, or going on a small road trip for an entire day to another state together. ​ I don't enjoy feeling like this, or even having the thought of telling her that she can't or can do something. ​ AITA for not wanting her to hang out with him? Should I just let it go and continue trying to build this relationship back up with her? Or should I just move on from her?
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 2, "WRONG": 2 }
RIGHT
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atym45
{ "description": "ending my friendships on her birthday weekend", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 1 }
AITA For ending my friendships on her birthday weekend?
Sorry for much a long read, thanks in advance. So a little background I’m a 21 F and have been friends with let’s call them Maria (20F) and Paige (19F) since HS. I have been friends w Paige a little longer I’d say my 10th grade and her 9th grade and we met Maria 12th grade. After graduation we all went our separate ways due to college and we tried hard to keep in touch but with the distance came lots of distance. I went to all their birthday parties even when we lived more than 4hrs away I always made sure to go and ALWAYS gave gifts to make their day a bit special. But in 2018 for my birthday neither one of them gifted me anything of planned anything nor even saw me. Granite I did have a party in Vegas and neither had the funds to do so and I was completely understanding but we could have planned something when I got back as this was my 21st and I never celebrated a birthday with them when I attended everyone of theirs. Last year on Marias birthday they came and visited as Maria lives a little closer to me and me being in the next closest city to her, Paige came to my apartment for the first time even though it was my 2 year living there. We threw Maria a surprise birthday party for which she was very ungrateful for but we shook it off. Throughout the year Paige would insist I visit her apartment as it was her first one and as I always I went and visited her on a 4 hr drive multiple times. A year later on Maria’s birthday, Paige is Coming to visit her and this upset me to the point of crying just because I felt neglected. I work the whole weekend and wouldn’t of been able to head to Maria’s city even though it’s an hour away they refuse to visit me because they wanna plan to do things there. I felt not included and told them how I felt as Paige never once came to visit me but only comes here when it’s Maria’s birthday. I told them I had plans Sunday to attend a coworkers presentation and they said I should just cancel and hang with them. I thought it was selfish as I find myself always giving and always being there for the friendship. I told them I could no longer be there friends and Maria says I’m making everything about me when this is honestly just so much pined up angry exploding.
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 0, "OTHER": 1, "EVERYBODY": 1, "NOBODY": 0, "INFO": 0 }
OTHER
{ "RIGHT": 1, "WRONG": 1 }
RIGHT
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9wkiit
{ "description": "getting mad at my gf after she said she hates marvel the day Stan Lee passed away", "pronormative_score": 4, "contranormative_score": 4 }
AITA for getting mad at my GF after she said she hates marvel the day Stan Lee passed away?
I love marvel and I love Stan Lee. He made a huge impact on my life like many others. I was mourning his death and my girlfriend randomly stated that she hates marvel. I told her its rude to say that the day he died because its disrespectful, but she said she's just expressing her opinion, and we got into a little arguement about it until I figured I should ask you guys who's right here. AITA?
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 4, "WRONG": 4 }
RIGHT
e2077sz3aEKnYJELgUP6TDsCc8PH62w3
b03c6l
{ "description": "making a bad joke and being upset at my friends reaction", "pronormative_score": 3, "contranormative_score": 2 }
AITA for making a bad joke and being upset at my friends reaction?
Last year my friend had a very bad day. I didn't know what was going on, we had been messaging in a lighthearted way about other things when my partner messaged me. She was hanging out with my friends housemate at their house. My partner used the tap in the bathroom to wash her hands and it came off and started pouring water everywhere. It had already been repaired a few days before but not repaired properly. It was an accident and no one (except my friend) thinks its my partners fault. My partner called me asking for advice on how to fix it because she and the housemate were at a lose. I made a joke to my friend, in the same tone our conversation had been so far that day. She expressed how bad her day was going and I was immediately apologetic. We didn't talk for months. We went for a hike with some people on the weekend and she made a passing joke about her being mad at me last year. Being cut off by my friends is a massive fear of mine, and giving my friend the space she wanted last year was not easy for me. I respect her process, but the way she was making light of it cut me deep. So I messaged her to let her know why I walked off on my own on the weekend, just to explain my behavior and let her know where I was at. I was hit with one hell of a wall of text. I know shes going through a lot of stuff. I'm not trying to demand more time from her, just explain how I'm feeling and why I'm reacting in certain ways. I feel like my input doesn't justify the responses I'm getting? https://imgur.com/a/871ra3C?fbclid=IwAR34sLITosvhRl0JFVqpciFKfIgQkjoX1diutvpvjH0XSyQv22wzlXpeTFg Pretty sure the messages uploaded out of order sorry.
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 2, "OTHER": 2, "EVERYBODY": 0, "NOBODY": 1, "INFO": 2 }
AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 3, "WRONG": 2 }
RIGHT
CN3cLV9dnwAz0ODIdAgVRuey1hLWjqyv
ana86f
{ "description": "seldom sharing my feeling with my girlfriend", "pronormative_score": 2, "contranormative_score": 1 }
AITA when I seldom share my feeling with my girlfriend?
Background: 3 year long distance relation with over 8 hour time difference. ​ We are both university Student. I never ignore her and will reply ASAP to her calls. I do not like to talk much when I am doing my assignments or revising and will tell her that I am busy doing stuff.When I feel tired or stressed , according to her ,I become ignorant and cold and will not find her first.(which I always be stressed during final period or working on my assignment). She admit that I will listen to her and try to calm her when she is depressed or stressed, but she still thinks that I am ignoring her because I never give the chance to her to comfort me( which alcohol and cigs did a much better job). Last night, I tried to tell her that I am worrying about stuff after graduation( she forced me decide to either go back and not taking any post-graduate, or she is going to break up with me, which I gave in), she just go silence and go viral on why I never tell her that I am down, or how she don\`t think we are working anymore because I always ignore her and never tells her how I feel, or how she is turned off by me because I sucks in choosing what cloths to wear, or how shitty I am as a boyfriend in general. ​ ​ Personally, I don\`t feel like exposing my life to others. I feel like an asshole right now because I am not qualified as what she want.I tried to compromise and react to her phone call when it was 4 in the midnight in my place because she wants to wake me up for i forgot what reason it is.I let her do whatever she want and never question about her suspicious friendship with other male, listen to her ran even when I am having a hard time, barely let her handle any of my stress or sadness. I still feel like I deserve to be scold last night even though I do not know what is wrong. ​ ​
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 1, "OTHER": 1, "EVERYBODY": 0, "NOBODY": 1, "INFO": 0 }
AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 2, "WRONG": 1 }
RIGHT
Ctpw9ZfsPDD9RlqrjaaQbIi1QCRjFjfO
aeqrxw
null
AITA: SO's coughing fits are driving me crazy. Of course she's suffering more, but...
When she gets sick she has frequent coughing fits but refuses to take cough supressant 'unless it gets really bad.' I find it very obnoxious and it's not just the noise that bothers me. It seems she is too proud or stubborn to take meds, but for no good reason. We've discussed it before and she was reasonable but insisted she knows what her body needs. But why does her body need to cough 20 times a minute every 5 minutes? Am I the asshole, AND am I failing to appreciate the body's wisdom when it produces these coughing fits?
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 2, "OTHER": 2, "EVERYBODY": 0, "NOBODY": 1, "INFO": 0 }
AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 3, "WRONG": 2 }
RIGHT
K8jUbXPWEKmER5FifI64ElDLZwP9ICHV
9ykhzu
{ "description": "cockblocking my friend", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 0 }
AITA for cockblocking my friend?
Context: We're both single women, I'm the short funny one and she's the tall hot one. We're both active on dating sites and casually seeing a couple of people each. The situation: On a recent holiday we posted lots on our Snapchat stories, with a lot of my posts having photos of her in... I've received over the past two days, messages from five different guys enquiring as to her availability and contact details. My actions: The first two guys I showed to her and we chatted and I passed her details onto one she liked and not to the other. By the third guy I was starting to get annoyed and a bit hurt... Bearing in mind that these are guys I've been chatting to myself and met through dating apps! They aren't friends etc. So the last three guys I've made up excuses and not even mentioned to her. Why I think I might be an asshole? We have similar taste in guys and the ones I've not passed on to her would be right up her street, there's one in particular I know she'd get on with really well... Am I being a shit friend or am I within my rights to be a bit petty here? Judgements requested !
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
{ "RIGHT": 1, "WRONG": 0 }
RIGHT
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b4s24r
{ "description": "taking blueberries left in a cart", "pronormative_score": 7, "contranormative_score": 5 }
AITA for taking blueberries left in a cart?
At my grocery, the carts are black and they don't give bags for environmental reasons. Often so, people pay for their items, put the items back in their cart. Take the items to their car or in the hands and leave the cart at the exit. If they don't have bags. As I was leaving, I spotted a cart at the exit with a small container of blueberries left in the cart. You know, dark blue on black. Easy to miss. I took them home. I told a friend about it and she called me an asshole, saying I should've told an employee in case the person comes back for them. Am I an asshole for taking the blueberries?
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 5, "OTHER": 5, "EVERYBODY": 0, "NOBODY": 2, "INFO": 0 }
AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 7, "WRONG": 5 }
RIGHT
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9t4zp9
{ "description": "telling my 13-year-old sister that she needs to grow up", "pronormative_score": 2, "contranormative_score": 2 }
AITA for telling my 13-year-old sister that she needs to grow up?
Tonight, because it's halloween, my sister was excited for trick or treating. She dressed up and was ready to go at about 7 . I expressed a lot of discomfort that she was trick or treating, our neighbors have never been friendly to teenagers trick or treating which is why I was hesitant. Its why I stopped trick or treating myself. For context my sister acts extremely childish, and has flat out told me she doesn't want to grow up so she acts like this on purpose. Stuff like talking cutesy and acting like someone half her age. She also throws horrible tantrums when she doesn't get her way, everything from hitting me to telling me to off myself. I got roped into taking her trick or treating and as we went she insisted on knocking on every door regardless of whether the porch light was on. Eventually she started getting peeved that she wasn't getting a lot of candy and that people handing out candy kept kinda staring at her dissaprovingly. She also didn't seem to be having fun and seemed frustrated that she wasn't. I told her, "I know you wanna stay a kid, but you have to grow up. You won't be able to recreate the feeling of being 6 years old again... You need to act your age." She got super upset with me and called me a lot of mean names as she tends to do before she goes into full tantrum. She demanded I apologize to her and I did to avoid a tantrum. Am I the asshole..?
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 2, "OTHER": 2, "EVERYBODY": 0, "NOBODY": 0, "INFO": 0 }
AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 2, "WRONG": 2 }
RIGHT
8osFEJsjhWOpjmLgDmRbSEjMPwHH97FI
adhiis
{ "description": "hating my boyfriends step mom", "pronormative_score": 2, "contranormative_score": 1 }
AITA for hating my boyfriends step mom?
My boyfriend was born in Nepal, his mom is high caste and the dad is of the lowest. He goes to Kathmandu and meets a white weeabo musician. They got married, he gets his citizenship after 2 years, brings my boyfriend over. Then it comes out he doesn’t want more kids. Someone must’ve lied, and he goes to New York for no reason other than to get away from the SM because she was critical of him. Bf goes to Nepal summer after he graduates. In that time the SM illegally rents his room and he has no where to go when he gets back. But wait. He does a rigorous program in mechanics and has to wake up 5am every week day and work full time for rent. I told him to move in with me and my mom while going to school since his mom kicked him out of the most expensive city in the Western US. SM blows up my phone and my mother’s when she hears about it from dad. Says he’s too immature to be around me so much, dad says it’s cause we’re gonna break up. This is the first time I’ve seen my BF cry. They don’t care about his happiness and move in doesn’t happen. SM then has gall to stay with bio mom after ruining her life, she lost everything. Wtf is going on?
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 1, "OTHER": 2, "EVERYBODY": 0, "NOBODY": 0, "INFO": 2 }
OTHER
{ "RIGHT": 2, "WRONG": 1 }
RIGHT
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augva6
{ "description": "being a gatekeeper of a row at a sporting event", "pronormative_score": 2, "contranormative_score": 0 }
AITA for being a gatekeeper of a row at a sporting event?
I attended a hockey game of the local minor hockey team this past weekend and something happened that made we want to post here to see if I really am an ahole. I am the type of person that is always early for anything that I go to and this was no exception. I arrived at the game and got my ticket, which turned out to be in the cheap seats. I was seated in seat 1 of row 17 in the section. It was the next to last row at the very top of the arena. When I got there the arena was very empty and I thought that it was going to be an emtpy game. ​ So I'm sitting watching the game and by the end of the first period of the game almost all of the seats in the arena were now filled. I was actually very surprised based on the crowd size at the beginning of the game. The more surprising thing is that my row had no one else in it. I was the only person sitting in my row. Also, you should know that there were 18 rows in a section. As the game goes on, a guy comes strolling down my row and asks if he can get by. I don't think too much of it and stand up so the guy can squeeze by. In about another five minutes, a different guy comes down the row and asks if he can get by so again not thinking too much about it I just stand and let him get by as well. And yep, you got it - in about another five minutes another guy is standing next to me asking to get by. At this point, I'm a bit annoyed that people are using my row to go between sections. Being that my row was empty except me they were using it in order to go from one section to the next without having to go all the way to the bottom of the section and then having to come back up. This time I was a bit annoyed but once again I stood up and let the guy get by. ​ Now I'm annoyed but trying to not let it get to me so I continue to watch the game. And before I know it, maybe 10 or 15 minutes later, the second guy that came through is now standing on the other side of me wanting to get through again. This time instead of standing up, I look up at him and ask "Are you going to keep doing this? Going back and forth?" He didn't say a word but I could tell from the look on his face that he knew he had annoyed me. To his credit, he did find a solution and stepped up to the row behind me (there were a few empty seats on the end of that row) and he then stepped over the seats and stepped down into my row without making me have to once again get up. He must have obviously told his friends, because I did notice a few times throughout the rest of the game that guys were coming through but they never asked me to let them by rather they just stepped over the seats as well into the row above. ​ Afterwards, I did wonder if maybe I had overreacted and thought what would it have hurt to just stand a moment to let the guy through and it made me wonder AITA?
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 0, "OTHER": 1, "EVERYBODY": 0, "NOBODY": 1, "INFO": 1 }
OTHER
{ "RIGHT": 2, "WRONG": 0 }
RIGHT
X0PkxAa2Vfs2YaqyKMSMCdkInwJKP05H
axsazv
{ "description": "raging on what was probably a child", "pronormative_score": 0, "contranormative_score": 4 }
AITA for raging on what was probably a child?
https://imgur.com/a/phlS8ng This is the result of a video game where once you die your team has a limited amount of time to revive you and when your whole team dies it's game over. The two team members basically stood over my corpse and picked up loot the entire time as I waited and pinged (it makes a visual and sound alert) and they let the timer run out. I didn't really care about the game as I can just hop in another, but I was frustrated that they would be so selfish. It didn't dawn on me that this is probably a kid until I received such an innocent response. AITA?
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 2, "OTHER": 0, "EVERYBODY": 2, "NOBODY": 0, "INFO": 0 }
AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 0, "WRONG": 4 }
WRONG
9ZYPonIXDqCPKdh1soBJgvl6elAvAZEV
az48rq
{ "description": "thinking that my wife's gift buying expenses should be considered part of her monthly allowance, and not a joint expense? more details inside", "pronormative_score": 12, "contranormative_score": 10 }
AITA for thinking that my wife’s gift buying expenses should be considered part of her monthly allowance, and NOT a joint expense? More details inside
I’m needing your opinions on this. Wife and I have been fighting a lot about this lately. We are both 30 years old if that matters. We combine all of our income, and decided that each person will get a $200 allowance to spend on ANYTHING that we want each month. The problem is that my wife has a large family, and friends, and co-workers whom she regularly buys gifts for birthdays, baby showers, etc. Am I the asshole for considering these gifts to come from her $200 allowance, and NOT our joint money...? I know this sounds petty, but I am becoming resentful... I feel like if she gets to spend this extra money, shouldn’t I get to spend it too? How is it fair if she gets to have a $200 allowance, PLUS more from our joint expenses for things that AREN’T a “joint expense” I feel like she is “double dipping” here. Am I totally out of context here?? Don’t sugarcoat. Give it to me straight. Am I the asshole? (AITA)
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 7, "OTHER": 5, "EVERYBODY": 3, "NOBODY": 7, "INFO": 1 }
AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 12, "WRONG": 10 }
RIGHT
xZEiYMud0pNhvHVtMpSh7gmsKN0Wf0qF
amct0q
{ "description": "ruining my cousin and I's relationship", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 1 }
AITA for ruining my cousin and I's relationship
So my cousin and I have been best buddies for a long time (since we were babies). We always had fights like siblings and cousins do but recently I think it has escalated another level. So I'm talking to my cousin on Discord. And I see him getting confused with Wi-Fi and Frames: like a lot of people do. This isn't even his first time; more like his 5th. I've told him the difference over and over again but he seems to not get it. He gets mad over me after I ask him if I can post it on Reddit mockingly because it was funny to me. The conversation goes like this: Me: Hi Cousin: Why don't you use computer Discord anymore? Me: Because Computer Discord lags my laptop when I'm playing games Cousin: Nah. I can run Spotify, Discord and Google all on my crappy Mac at the same time. Which means you can too. Me: It also lags my internet for some reason and I forget to close it a lot. Cousin: Noob, I can do Subnautica, Update Fortnut and... Me: Does Subnautica have multiplayer? I can't remember. Cousin: ... Discord call at the same time **I assume he is talking about a multiplayer feature in Subnautica that I have not heard about because everything he's listed is internet related and not computer related but then he goes on to say this:** Cousin: Subnautica is damn laggy. It takes up huge WiFi cos it has a lot of stuff in it when I get underwater, the frames rip. **At this point I realise he still hasn't figured out what the difference is between WiFi and Computer Graphics so I tease him a little** Me: Would you mind if I post this screenshot on Reddit? It's comedy gold. Cousin: No, I mind. Me: **Posts screenshot** Cousin: What's so funny? Me: This is comedy gold... Subnautica is an offline game xddd Cousin: Omfg you haven't seen the frames have you? Me: What? Cousin: I give up Me: I'm confused... What? Your laptop is responsible for outputting your frames... Not your WiFi? Cousin: K post it. Idc anymore. Me: Nah if you don't want me to, I won't. I asked for permission. Cousin: It's not fun talking to you anymore. **At this point I realise I messed up cause I love my cousin (no homo) and I went a step too far. I should've probably been more patient with him. I also realise I'm extremely bad at texting and socializing.** TL;DR: I asked my cousin if he would mind if I posted some screenshots on Reddit of him mixing up Ping and FPS. He gets mad and says he doesn't like talking to me anymore. So... tell me... Am I the asshole? This is my first post on r/AmITheAsshole so please be nice to me
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 1, "OTHER": 1, "EVERYBODY": 0, "NOBODY": 0, "INFO": 0 }
AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 1, "WRONG": 1 }
RIGHT
Zh8vEKAL7J7QjVNT67nbdCBtEtI9sdpD
ar40l0
{ "description": "giving a friend a pill to calm her down", "pronormative_score": 2, "contranormative_score": 2 }
AITA for giving a friend a pill to calm her down?
Okay, I have a female friend who has some anxiety issues (as do I) and takes some anti-anxiety medications. To preface, she wanted to smoke weed with me (she rarely does, and we hadn’t smoked together) so we had both smoked a bit. She got extremely anxious all of a sudden and got super quiet before talking about how scared she was. She ended up getting in my bed and trying to lay down, but she was saying that she was worried she would do something bad. I sat next to her and went through coping mechanisms and breathing techniques I use for my anxiety. At this point I remembered that I have some hydroxezine, which is a use as needed anti-histamine (like Benadryl) that temporarily causes drowsiness and reduces the physical symptoms of anxiety. I offered her some, saying it would calm her down. She asked if I was trying to poison her, and I told her that no, it would just calm her down, and that I take it every long once-in-awhile when I need it because I’m super anxious. I offered to show her the label of it if she wanted to make sure, but she said no. I ask if she wants any and she sort of mutters yes, so I go upstairs and get her some water and hydroxezine. That was yesterday, today she texted me asking what I gave her because she was worried she was having a bad reaction. She said it doesn’t work with an anti anxiety med she was on, however I told her it does, as I am prescribed of them by my psychiatrist. Like any medication, combining it with other things can produce different reactions, however hydroxezine does not have any life-threatening reactions with medications. She was worried it was the medication I gave her (I seriously don’t think it is, I or course have no way of knowing but her anxiety commonly makes her feel in poor physical health and I am on the same medication she is) However I realized that I potentially gave her a drug while she couldn’t consent, and even if my intentions were 100% to make her feel better or what ever is causing her to feel shitty, I think that might count as cunty behavior.
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 2, "OTHER": 2, "EVERYBODY": 0, "NOBODY": 0, "INFO": 0 }
AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 2, "WRONG": 2 }
RIGHT
PSIvXMZtMuVBLENiQwmk95F5dky2gMzF
ae9pfy
{ "description": "not paying my friend's parking ticket when I borrowed his car", "pronormative_score": 5, "contranormative_score": 7 }
AITA for not paying my friend’s parking ticket when I borrowed his car?
AITA for not paying my friend’s parking ticket when I borrowed his car? This happened about 3 years ago. One of my friends got drunk and hurt himself, so I decided to take him to urgent care to get patched up. I didn’t have a car, so I borrowed my other friend’s car to drive him. I took him to urgent care where his brother was waiting for him (we called him earlier), so I just dropped him off and drove back to campus. I drove back to the exact lot where the car was originally parked. I pulled into a spot and the spot ahead of me was vacant too, so I decided to pull through. I gave the keys back to my buddy and thought nothing of it for the next few days. A couple of days later, my friend texted me saying he got a parking ticket and he expected me to pay it (full ticket was $70). I asked him how I got a ticket when I parked it in the same lot. Apparently his car only has a back license plate and no front one, so when the parking police came by to scan his car, there was no license plate to scan since I had pulled through. I asked him if he knew that he couldn’t pull through to the next spot, and he said that he had gotten a warning from the parking police earlier. He also told me that I should have checked if there was a front license plate when I parked and shouldn’t have pulled through a spot. I responded back saying that there is not a single person who checks license plates when they park, and everyone pulls through to the next spot if it’s open. Since I borrowed the car and parked it, I was clearly partially at fault. But I also told him that if he knew he has special parking requirements, he should have told me. I offered to pay half of the ticket ($35) but he demanded that I pay the full ticket myself ($70). At this point I kind of wanted to tell him to go screw himself and pay the whole thing himself. Ultimately, after a ton of arguing, he realized I wasn’t going to pay the whole thing and I ended up paying him for half the ticket. However, the whole thing soured our friendship and we never really hung out any more after that. So tell me Reddit, AITA?
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{ "description": "being mad at my aunt for choosing to marry someone she's never met and in a dangerous country", "pronormative_score": 4, "contranormative_score": 2 }
AITA for being mad at my aunt for choosing to marry someone she’s never met and in a dangerous country?
So this story is very long I’m sorry for that but it all comes together at least for me. So my aunt let’s call her A. So back in October we are informed she is going to marry a man from Nigeria. Someone we’ve never met, spoken to or heard of once. And she is going to his country to marry him. All of those just a month after her divorce and with two small kids ages nine and six. We get in contact with this guy let’s call him K. So we talk to K and it’s very suspicious to us, they met on Facebook, he lives in a dangerous part of the country and has never cared for a child before. We of course asked if he is ready to care for two children who have their own baggage and be responsible for them if he is going to be their dad. His response was “don’t worry Iv held a baby before.” This was our first interaction and over the next two months we tried to convince her not to get married and not to take our grandparents with her to this country as it is not safe and is listed as being dangerous by the state department. When she goes over she shouldn’t mention she was married before or that she has kids to his family or his community. This was as he put it “they might look down on me for this or think there is something wrong with her as a woman” but when we looked into this online and asked two acquaintances who lived in the country for some years they said this was not true. We offered to help him to reach a place closer to the US where we could all meet him and it would be safe. But he gave us multiple excuses including “they don’t like brown people there”! However eventually she agrees not to marry him the one week she is going to meet him for the first time and she won’t bring our grandparents. She got back three weeks ago or so and she has an engagement ring and she seems excited. We’ve asked how he intends to get to the US with the immigration restrictions and she says once their married it will be a lot easier for him. The kids seem excited but I know the younger one doesn’t understand the impact of this and I think the older one can understand but not fully. She plans now to go back and get married in early May. Iv talked to him over the phone and he seems nice. The kids like him. His background checks out and he seems excited to get married to her and vice versa. But it hasn’t even been a full year since she got divorced and I’m unhappy with how she choose to leave her kids to go marry a man she had only known a month. But I can’t help but feel I should be more supportive since they do seem to love each other. Am I the asshole?
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "not caring about my sister's children", "pronormative_score": 6, "contranormative_score": 5 }
AITA for not caring about my sister's children?
I'll try to keep this one pretty lean. I'm personally childfree but don't care if others aren't and certainly don't push my lifestyle on others. I don't despise children, for what it's worth, I'd just rather not hang out with them. As of yesterday, my sister has now given birth to her second kid a healthy baby boy and brother to a now two year old girl. My sister, her husband, and the rest of my family are all so happy and excited and I just couldn't care less. I feel no love for these kids. I don't hate them, I just don't care about them in the slightest. I didn't visit my sister in the hospital after she gave birth the first time, nor do I intend to now. She's at least two hours of driving away and it's just not worth it to me. She and I aren't exactly close. For the majority of my life she's been absent or actively dismissive so I don't really feel bad about this apathy. AITA?
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "giving my best friend an ultimatum", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 1 }
WIBTA if I gave my best friend an ultimatum?
So basically I (F22) have known this guy, lets say Bob for about 8 years now, and I have been best friends with him for about 5 years. Bob and this other guy were best friends until I came along. Basically the other guy manipulated me and used me and threatened me back when we were in high school...the whole package. For awhile Bob wasn't friends with this other guy because of what was going on between me and the other guy. Bob knows everything about this guy and the severity to which it has impacted my life (it has completely changed it). Now this guy came back into my life after some time when we were both in college, and he seems like he has actually changed for the better. He admitted to his incredibly shitty behavior and tried to talk through things with me. After all of us trying to be friends for over a year, I wasn't able to make the friendship work with the other guy. Sure, I no longer thought he was going to hit me or rape me, but I still had a hard time dealing with the other issues of our old friendship. I felt a lot of pressure though from Bob and other mutual friends for that matter; Bob's a really simple guy and for the past year he's seen the other guy be a really good friend/decent person to me, so Bob was having a hard time understanding why It's taking me so long to let everything go. Well things with the other guy weren't getting better, so for a lot of reasons I decided to stop being his friend. I also decided that it would cruel of me to ask Bob to stop being his friend, but I couldn't stand the thought that they would be talking about me behind my back...and honestly I couldn't stand the thought that maybe Bob would end up liking him more as a friend. It was really getting to me, so I told Bob everything and tried to explain to him why I felt it was necessary that I end my friendships with both of them. ​ Months later I decided that I really missed Bob and even though I'm no longer the other guys friend I'm still suffering from it so there really was no point to me ending my friendships. Bob was always there for me and even though I really need to get this other guy out of my life maybe I could just ignore their friendship. It turns out during those months while I was gone Bob felt as if I abandoned him. The other guy hated me because he also says I abandoned Bob, which hurt tremendously. Bob got ghosted by a girl he really liked and he says it was the hardest moment in his life.... but apparently he got another girlfriend and they are really happy together and his life is much better than the first part of those months when we weren't talking. After talking he said he finally understood my reasoning and no longer feels as if I abandoned him; he's still hurt, but he forgives me. ​ It's been three months since we reconnected and I still cannot stand the fact that he's friends with the guy. I feel like knowing everything the guy did to me, he shouldn't want to be his friend, even if the guys a better person and if I kinda arranged for them to talk again when he came back into my life......But I can't stand it. It's causing me misery. On the other hand Bob got dumped by his gf and also lost his job very recently.....I don't want to hurt Bob, has he has always had my back, but I also want to try to keep improving my mental health...so WIBTA if I told Bob that instead of making the choice and just dropping him, he has to choose between me or that guy?
HYPOTHETICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "not playing with my friends and ruining everything", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 0 }
WIBTA if I don’t play with my friends and ruin everything?
I’m a kid age 15. That’s all the background that’s necessary. So I went to my friends house along with my brother. We are really close and have been with each other since basically birth. However, today when I came over I really had no energy. I only play indoors and never go outside unless I’m told too. We went downstairs and booted up The PS4, but I wasn’t feeling into it. So I quit after a while of playing. They also got off and when I say that I didn’t want to play anymore they yelled at me saying I ruin everything every time. AITA for not playing with my friends.
HYPOTHETICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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null
AITA for a band practice
I (14) am in a band and needs to practice for a performance tomorrow. one of my bandmates have drama practice til 6. My mom can’t wait for 3 hours just for one person. My band has 5 members. I proposed the idea that my mom pick up the rest of the band members to a mall nearby first and let him catch a ride with the other theater kids. My friend calls me selfish.
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "running away from a suicidal friend trying to reconnect", "pronormative_score": 2, "contranormative_score": 0 }
AITA for running away from a suicidal friend trying to reconnect
(my spelling is horrible, sorry for that) Fuck, i gotta go back a lot,for context, like all the way back to middle schools first year (im now in the second year of vacational school). In middle school i had few good friends that soon turned into kinda bullies we were all very toxic towards each other and i don't think it made any of us feel good but never talked to those people about it so no way of knowing for sure. Then at one point of the year home economics class mixes ours and neighboring class to like do home ec together. In my group theres a quiet kid from the neighboring we quickly "click" because of memes, games, anime and all that. We become friends play games together etc. Again this changes into like a weird toxic friendship thing but it isn't as bad as the other ones maybe due to common interest, i don't really know why but we just clicked. Next two years we get to choose classes both me and my new friend take computer class so although in neighbouring classes so we actually chat a lot. We make other friends over the internet and play games with them (Sorry i feel like i got lost kn thoughs and started ranting ill try to pick it up) Anyway years go on we have good and bad times, i found out he tried to commit suicide multiple times before but i like to think that he got better when we started to hang out. Can't actually recall him saying it outloud but we we're there for eachother during bad times. Like onetime he just broke down at school about his depression and how therapy or meds dont help him at all. So highschool starts we go to different schools, still talk and play games with out little group. Everything goes fine for a year. But this autumn we're just chatting and playing games as usual with me him and one other friend from the online friend group. I can't remember what triggered him (if anything in particular) but he started to yell about "wanting to break something" in our native language so the other friend didn't understand, he thought it was a joke. Meanwhile im here and hear him start swearing and crying "where's my box cutter" he then proceeds to let out these awfull noices and saying something like "ah fuck my wrist, thats a lot of blood" followed by swears and crying. At this point our foreign friend has realised this isnt a joke and has gone silent, i sit there frozen for s while until crabbing my phone and asking my friend "do i need to call someone" he just cries, i threaten him with "calling 112" i type in the number but can't actually bring myself to actually start the call (i don't know why i couldnt call, i think im just a coward). So i just ask "are your parent home?" he says they are, and i just let it be as he leaves his desk and probably goes to his parents. Me and the foreign friend just sat there stunned in silence some time after he came back and pretend to be totally fine. The next day we noticed he has blocked all of us, we we're worried but thought we couldn't really do anything. I felt bad because i failed him i thought all this time i had been helping him get better by being there for him but when it counted i just sat there like dumb ass doing nothing and assuming hed be fine. After that i was angry i felt like he betrayed me by blocking all communication like the bond we had meant nothign to him after all. And now, like a week a go he just randomly messages me and explains himself with "he felt anxious and stressed about maintaining friendships." At the time i thought it was unfair against me, but now i while going through a depressive episode myself i totally get what he meant. (ironic right?) But the point is, he tried to reconnect since cutting us of had just made him feel worse, he said he understood if we were angry and didn't wanna hear from him again. I told him i didn't hate him but didnt feel like talking to him. First i didn't know why, i thought i was just mad at him and he betrayed me. But in honesty i think it's because im a coward, too scared to be there for him, too scared to be responsible for him. I know it isn't my fucking job to look after someone, but i can't help but to feel guilty and like I've failed him again. (my spelling is ass and if this didn't make sense im sorry, i just felt like i needed to share this, sorry if this is the wrong place) TL:DR Best friend harms himself over a discord call while talking to me and then blocks me. Months later tries to rekindle friendship but im too scared and refuse.
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "expecting the same level of effort from my significant other as I give", "pronormative_score": 6, "contranormative_score": 1 }
AITA for expecting the same level of effort from my significant other as I give?
I’ve had a lot of bad relationships and I’m still trying to figure out what healthy looks like. I’ve been single for a few years and recently started a relationship with a new guy. He’s been wonderful in so many ways. He has introduced me to his friends and coworkers, even his head boss, and is always happy to have me around. He cooks for me all the time and he’s really good at it! He says it’s something he enjoys doing and he loves to share it with me. We go out on dates and we can spend days cuddled up at home doing nothing special. He’s the first guy I’ve dated that has been truly invested in MY sexual satisfaction. He is a good guy with a huge heart. I try to show home my affection and appreciation by making him a priority in my life and doing things for him that I either don’t enjoy or are out of my way and inconvenient because I want to be there for him. If he’s sick I’ll offer, almost insist, on bringing him food or meds to help him feel better. We live about 45 minutes away from each other but I don’t even question the time or distance because I want to help him. I almost always drive to his place when we get together and he’s only stayed at mine a few times. He’s allergic to cats, and I have a long hair, so I understand. I always go the extra mile to clean the house, change the bedding, provide allergy meds, and even give the cat a bath before he comes over to reduce the allergens. I usually concede to watching what he wants on tv and going places he would enjoy when we go out. These are just a few examples. It’s because I care about his happiness and enjoyment. The sacrifice I make in my own happiness and enjoyment is lessened by seeing his. He often says “you’re too good to me” and I love spoiling him as much as I can but when he asks if I feel the same way I can’t agree. We’ve talked about it briefly but I don’t think I adequately expressed how I feel because I didn’t want to be a nag or try to make him change who he is. I don’t feel like he goes out of his way for me. He doesn’t come to see me near my home, or pick me up for dates. He won’t usually spend time with me on work days. When deciding where to eat he won’t choose my favorite places. I’m sick right now, with the same symptoms he had last week when he was sick, and all I want is for him to bring me food and a Gatorade. Really, I just want home to OFFER to do this without me having to ask. It wouldn’t even be a question for me to do the same for him. Instead he took the opportunity to make plans to go out and drink with some friends. I’m upset because I want/expect hike to put in the same effort for me as I do for him. TL;DR I feel like I go out of my way for my boyfriend, who is genuinely a good guy, quite frequently but I don’t see him doing the same for me. I want him to show similar effort without me having to ask him to do it.
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "believing that drivers should be firm and decisive when making decisions", "pronormative_score": 4, "contranormative_score": 3 }
AITA for believing that drivers should be firm and decisive when making decisions?
So this is mostly about me and my mom but extends to my attitude as a passenger to all drivers. Also I’m on phone so formatting. My mom isn’t a bad driver mechanically. She uses her blinkers, looks before merging, doesn’t cut people off, all the works and fixings. But whenever I’m a passenger and I’m navigating, she always asks me what to do, almost like she’s losing her authority as driver and passing it onto me. Things like “should I merge over” when we’re four miles away with clear traffic, or looking for signs to a destination, or even asking me to look for cars when merging. I feel like the responsibility of a driver is being pushed onto me to make decisions and be watchful when it should be (IMO) wholly the drivers responsibility to look for signs and make sure lanes are clear and to make the decision of when to merge. And so I start getting snappy and she reprimands me for my attitude. I know I’m at fault for getting shitty, but what about my attitude? Are my beliefs wrong?
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "convincing my friend to drop out for the semester", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 1 }
AITA for convincing my friend to drop out for the semester?
Heres a little bit of background: Friend A is the roommate of my best friend, Friend B I am close with Friend A, but am slightly closer to Friend B. Friend A is incredibly annoying at times. She can be demanding (ex. demanding that we go to lunch with her when we are trying to study for an upcoming exam) Friend B disliked having Friend A as a roommate and wanted her to move out. She wanted her to move out for good reasons though (not just because Friend A didn't want to deal with her extreme messiness), and wanted me to come up with a way. I don't think she would say it, but I think she wanted me to tell her to move out for her. There is also a Friend C (who again, I'm closer to than Friend A) who very much so dislikes Friend A. She was openly saying a lot that she wanted Friend A to move out. I never wanted Friend A to move out, personally. More times than not, she was a great friend. So with that said, here's what happened: ​ Friend A had nearly flunked the previous semester, only getting through via the laborious process of a medical leave. Coming into this next semester, she was suddenly aware that she struggled as a barely full-time student last semester, so there was no way she was going to make it though this semester unless she got disability paper work (which she easily could have gotten). I work a lot with stuff like this through my work study job, so I was helping Friend A pretty much through all of her paperwork and finding the right people to talk to. However, after about a week, she hadn't done the things she needed to do in order to take less than the mandatory credit limit, and she would be kicked out soon if she didn't figure something out. I asked her about it, and she revealed that she had an exam coming up for a job. She has a job as a type of technician, and she needed to take a sort of "final exam" which would let her make a comfortable salary instead of her standard hourly wage. On the other hand, the degree she is pursuing at the college is really her passion. Even though she loves her job, and is good at it, her degree is where she wants to end up. She ends up taking me to dinner so we can talk about all of this, and during dinner she's texting one of her friends asking him what to do. I'm going to level with you. I don't know in this moment what my motive was. I don't know whether I wanted to help Friend A figure out her life, help Friend B get rid of her annoying roommate, help Friend C, or help me not be annoyed. I don't know. I really want to say that I genuinely wanted to help her figure out her life, since she's my friend and I care about her, but I think it's pretty human to have other motives. Anyway, in that moment, I told her that maybe she should consider dropping out for the semester (and therefore the summer), figure out if she wanted to continue in her degree, and then decide in the fall if she wanted to continue. I mean, she was texting other friends so clearly she won't just take my word for it and- She does. She responds "Yeah...I think you're right." She sits back, looks really content with that answer. Like genuinely happy. The next day...she moved out. My mistake was that I tend to overestimate her tenacity. I know that when she's here with us, I have to convince her just to wake up and go to class, so it just now occurred to me that she probably won't be back since she might just settle into her new salaried job, and never build up the courage or energy to reapply. I feel terrible, especially since my response might have been influenced by several bad motives. I think mainly I was trying to help her out, but I spoke thinking that she would ask her other friends too instead of just taking my word. I wish I could just take it back, but I also feel like her response showed that she needed/wanted to hear what I said. tldr; Several of my friends dislike Friend A for a variety of reasons, and I have my issues with her. I knew these reasons, so when Friend A revealed that she was considering leaving college. I encouraged her to drop out for the semester, but it may have been influenced by aforementioned reasons. She seemed happy with the idea. She took my advice and dropped out, but I don't think she'll be coming back. I might have inadvertently convinced her to drop out of school altogether instead of just for the semester, and I feel guilty about it.
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "being upset that my mom didn't tell me she had cancer", "pronormative_score": 4, "contranormative_score": 1 }
AITA for being upset that my mom didn't tell me she had cancer?
So, my long distance girlfriend came to the state to visit me and after a few days in the city, we drove out to visit my parents. Here, my dad told us that mum was at the doctor's right now for bloodwork, which I thought was odd as she just had some done and when I asked if she was okay, he sort of immediately caved, telling me that my mom had been diagnosed with stage 2 thyroid cancer and that my mother was planning on waiting to tell me until after my girlfriend left. My mom comes home and bursts through the door telling us she wasn't going to tell us (my girlfriend and I) and spoil our time to which we both assured her that was ridiculous. We both assumed my mom, who by all accounts is a private person, was dealing with the emotional labor of this illness and having to tell her loved ones. As we sat down for dinner though, it quickly became apparent that not only did the family know, but most of our family friends and even the neighbors (who my parents treat as a joke) knew. A little more backstory, this is not the first time my family has dealt with major illness. Through most of 2016 we successfully beat my dad's stage 4 thyroid cancer into remission.
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "getting married without telling anyone", "pronormative_score": 24, "contranormative_score": 2 }
AITA for getting married without telling anyone?
This should be short. My boyfriend (now husband) and I spontaneously decided to get married on Friday. He was working near the courthouse and he asked if I wanted to meet him there and that was that. We were technically engaged already but had never made any wedding plans and had really never brought it up again besides telling people that we were engaged. Now I’m my parents only child. My dad has two stepchildren from his marriage to my stepmom and they were at both of their weddings but my I’m my moms only child and my stepdad doesn’t have children. Am I the asshole for getting married without telling them first? Also I still haven’t told them because I’m afraid that they’ll think I’m an asshole for not telling them beforehand. TL;DR I got married without telling my parents. Am I an asshole?
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
{ "RIGHT": 24, "WRONG": 2 }
RIGHT
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{ "description": "being pissed at my bf for spending £30 on wing mirrors", "pronormative_score": 3, "contranormative_score": 3 }
AITA for being pissed at my bf for spending £30 on wing mirrors?
We live together. We're skint. We have debts up to our eyeballs. We're both on benefits. I have severe MH issues so signed off and he hasn't been able to get a job in over a year. He does manage to get a few days cash in hand a monthv, which has always gone to Food and household bills. This month I put my foot down on everything. We drew up a budget of the benefits money, I did a big online shop so that we have food and ensure all the necessary bills are paid for. So bf had a days work yesterday and is with family atm doing 2 more days work. A few days ago he showed me a set of wing mirrors on FB. I said we didn't have the money for it now. He agreed and I thought that was the end of it until I got a message from him earlier saying he'd bought them. Now the MAF sensor is dead and needs replacing, that's about £50. The wing mirrors are purely cosmetic. Although one has lost the cover and has a sharp bit which is technically illegal however it can temporarily be fixed with some ductape. But both mirrors are perfectly usable. Personally I think the MAF sensor is the better spend but I'm no car expert. His justification for spending the money is that he earnt it and its not part of our monthly budget. There are also so many other things that we've dropped off the budget because they are 'luxuries'. Am I the asshole for being so upset that he went behind my back? We live together so shouldnt money be a joint decision even if he did earn it?
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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null
AITA Bcs of the roasting session that probably ended mine and my best friends friendship?..
This is my first post but I don't know what to think and I really need an objective opinion on this situation.. My best friend probably ended our friendship because of a roasting session we had.. and heres how it all went: My internet best friend asked if I want to call him, so I did. We talked about our every day stuff and did our thing, he would roast me and be sarcastic every day and id roast him back, no biggie it was always all laughs, we'd never get offended. I pointed out out of jokes that he is always roasting me and being mean and sarcastic, obviously as a joke so he said "ok, I will be a white knight for a day and only be nice to you and treat you with respect" so I tell him alright its a challenge. he replied with "starting now". So id tease him by saying very stupid shit that I don't mean at all like "you have a small penis, women are superior to men, the earth is flat, ur brain is flat" bla bla bla, hed laugh but he said it did not affect him at all. that I need to go deeper, so I tell him our friend is smarter than him bcs he wears glasses, which almost got him to cuss at me and break before I mentioned him having glasses. We push each other back and forth, he laughs saying stupid things won't affect him because he will counter argue that with debate. One thing about him on a side note is that he is very intelligent and loves to debate and wants to be amazing at anything he puts his mind on and he indeed is. So I ask him what did affect him for a bit as still a joke. He said the personal shit or when I mention his intellect. so I go deeper. He is still laughing and not affected and I feel even worse every seeped end I go and say at a few times that I give up and I feel bad, still kinda laughing a bit. He says it doesn't affect him at all that he has thick skin and is that all I have. So I think for a long time. And in my mind I see a very very mean roast that effects his ego and reaches his insecurity. I tell him this is horrible and is he sure, which he replies with yes. So I tell him that His need to debate and challenge people is to try to prove to others that he is smart when he isn't, he is very average, that he is worse than his friend that is a psychopath bcs he uses people for his own benefit and then leaves them, That he will fail collage and he is lazy, but mostly he is not smart at all, he is average and he should stop being self centered. Everything was not what I actually believed his is, I was trying to get to his ego. I know he is very intelligent and he knows I look up to him and I admire his good traits and inteligents. He is not lazy at all he is very hardworking because I never fail to point it out to him that he is doing a great job, even when he did a big presentation for another nationality, I told him he did amazing. But..I went too far. I immediately felt guilt, and like I was the worst human being and I started crying apologizing immediately for saying something so disgusting. He told me its okay that it didn't affect him, that he has thick skin, I still felt so bad for doing this and I begged him to roast me back to go for my weak point so that he can get back at me. He refused first because he didn't want to hurt me, but after a long time of begging he caved in, he went on telling me that I take peoples personalities that im not myself, that I pretend to be confident when im really very insecure about myself. I didn't get affected I still thought we were joking. After he noticed it didn't work he gave up, but he was silent for the rest of the call. I thought maybe it was because he was tired so I proposed he should go to sleep. He did. But after a few minutes I got a text telling me he is done. That I remind him of his old friend and that he did the same thing and that they are not friends anymore because that friend was very manipulative and it was an abusive friendship. I tell him and apologize profusely that I never meant what I said that it was all not what I think, that I only tried to get a reaction to cuss at me like he always did for a joke. He brought up my manipulating past before I had years of therapy and meds for it and realized mid it was shit. I told him all I care was for his happiness that this was not something I wanted, that I never meant to hurt him ever. He decided that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore showing signs of wanting to end our friendship, which I accepted if it made him happy and if he needed it. r/AmItheAsshole here?.. I would appreciate some feedback and id be more than grateful if anyone had an advice on how to fix this.. thank you for reading
HISTORICAL
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{ "description": "being annoyed by having to train my new coworker", "pronormative_score": 3, "contranormative_score": 3 }
AITA for being annoyed by having to train my new coworker?
I work at a very large engineering company writing and testing software. There are some big projects with very high visibility among management that I have been working on for about two years, and these projects admittedly have a very high learning curve, so it takes about 6 months before someone that is new really knows what they are doing. When I was brand new on my first big project, management paired me with a few senior engineers so I would have all the help I needed, and I was given multiple small tasks to work on so I could familiarize myself with the system and software architecture. By the time I started on the second project (this current one), I'm much more proficient and many higher-ups are the ones asking me questions. That being said, my project is terribly understaffed and I am doing basically all the software development for this project (which is why I have had to learn quickly). In an effort to alleviate my workload, management brought in a new college hire James about a month ago. He has been with the company for about a year and this is his first big project, so he was still essentially brand new. My project manager just kind of dumped James on me and said "find things for him to do". I understand that I am probably a good person to train a new hire because I was just new myself and I know how overwhelming it can be, so I let him shadow me and see the procedures I go through on a daily basis as well as gave him some very small tasks and vague stuff like reading through the code and trying to understand it. I quickly noticed that he is extremely, extremely softspoken and painfully shy, so even when he does talk it is so quiet I can't understand what he's saying. I need him to repeat at least three times. Because of that, he doesn't ask many questions and spends our sessions just like "ok .... ok .... ok". Even when he does have a question it shows that he's not really listening because it doesn't quite make sense. An analogy is that I could be explaining how the toaster is broken and he might say "Does it have anything to do with the oven?" and I'm like "what? no". Then I assign him a task and he just sits next to me watching me, despite having a new task. It really feels like he is not taking the initiative to learn or try to complete his tasks, but at the same time I think he might just be confused and unprepared if I unknowingly suck at training. Our work lets us make our own hours (9/80 schedule) so I get to our software lab at about 7am and work until lunch. He gets there around 10:30am every day (which is fine as long as he stays later). Whenever I finish my work and get up to leave, whether it is at 10:31am or noon, he leaves with me, so I don't think he works when I'm not there. It's annoyingly clingy. We have weekly status meetings and when it's his turn just to give a quick blurb of what he's been doing, he always just says "I'm still shadowing eggdunk". Then our managers kind of come down on me like "come on you need to give him better things to do, he must be so bored" and I don't want to just sell him out because I did give him things to do, he just doesn't do them and continues to watch me every day even though it doesn't help. I send daily status emails to the project manager on my work, and also include a line of "Today I assigned James to [do task]". When the manager asks him how it is going, he goes "yeah I'm still working on it". The other day he actually asked me for more work and I reiterated the list of things I already asked him to do. It's been about two months now, but he basically still acts the same as he did on the first day. The daily routine is simply that he arrives at 10:30, watches me, leaves when I leave, and then I work in a different area so I don't see him in the afternoon, but I can't imagine that he's doing work. It's slowing me down a bit because it's distracting and when he does complete a task I need to double check it, and also his ever-shadowing presence just annoys me. My mentors were very patient with me and answered any questions I had and helped fix things that I broke, but I felt like I put in a lot of effort, and James is not.
HISTORICAL
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{ "description": "calling out my family for eating obnoxiously loud", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 1 }
AITA for calling out my family for eating obnoxiously loud
I just got sent to my room from the dinner table because I called out my Dad, Mum and Brother for squelching their food with their mouths wide open and slurping up any sauce on the pasta which all of them know me and my sister despise but they do it anyway. Its been happening the past few years and I just lost it today and I got punished for it, so reddit, Am I The Asshole?
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "disagreeing with my manager regarding my Job Title and duties", "pronormative_score": 2, "contranormative_score": 3 }
AITA For Disagreeing With My Manager Regarding My Job Title and Duties?
I've worked at this same factory for just under 30 years, which gives you an idea as to why I feel confused as well as how old I am. I was hired to be a security guard of sorts. As far as I knew, my job was to make sure shipments were being transported out of the facility, that nothing left the premise without thoroughly being processed by all necessary departments, and that nothing got in the building that could potentially cause issues, though the last part isn't a job solely done by me. Within the past year or so I've been having very large packages show up at my end of the building, though this is not in my job description to handle. At first I enjoyed the feel as well as the extra work it gave me, but recently it's been happening all too regularly, which halts and creates issues for the jobs I NEED to get done. It's painful processing these packages when there's so much I need to export daily. I tried speaking to the department that takes in all our merchandise/materials, and he said he's being delivered the same packages, but doesn't mind as it's basically what he was hired to do. I brought this up to the head of the company, which was apparently a big mistake for a couple of reasons. The first being that communication is somewhat indirect. The second reason was that the head of the department feels that this is an enjoyable new experience for the company, and though it might create issues for me, the head guy really loves what improvements it has made. Needless to say, this has caused some major conflict with me and the boss. AITA for refusing to do extra work that is not in my job description solely for my manager's benefit?
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{ "description": "not taking a side when two friends in my group have beef with each other", "pronormative_score": 4, "contranormative_score": 4 }
AITA for not taking a side when two friends in my group have beef with each other
So this happened a while back.. me and 4 other friends have a group chat. Two of the people in the group chat used to be friends but stopped being friends after he got roasted in the group chat. Let’s call them friend 1 and friend 2. So some background friend 1 has a tendency to joke around with us not taking too much seriously and friend 2 takes things very seriously to a point that we can’t joke around with him that much without him getting triggered. The 2 other friends and I decided that we were not gonna make any jokes at his expense but friend 1 decided not to do that. He knows that friend 2 gets triggered very easily so he goes in on a tirade of making jokes at his expense. Tbh the jokes were pretty dumb but as we predicted friend 2 got really triggered to the point of leaving the group chat and blocking friend 1 on every social media. So a couple of weeks go by and me and friend 1 are sitting at a fast food place eating. I get up to go to the bathroom and leave my phone on the table. Friend 1 decides to grab my phone and call friend 2 to try to mess with him some more. (Me and friend 2 are still friends at this point.) I come back from the bathroom and friend 1 tells me what he did. I start to get a parade of texts from friend 2 insulting me and calling me irresponsible and that I have not respect for myself by letting friend 1 use my phone. I tell him that It wasn’t my fault I was in the bathroom but at this point friend 2 was really triggered. He told me that he had enough and that I needed to do something about friend 1. At this point I was also pretty angry with both friend 1 and friend 2 for trying to involve me in their dumb beef. So I told the I’m not picking any sides and both of them needed to deal with their own problems. Friend 1 was fine with that but friend 2 was not. He continued insulting me on text so I decided to just block him for the day. So AITA here? There’s a lot of history and detail with both of the friend’s beef that would make this post really long... it honestly gets pretty awkward sometimes so I never take either of their sides.
HISTORICAL
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{ "description": "being mad that my mum confiscated my video games", "pronormative_score": 4, "contranormative_score": 4 }
AITA for being mad that my mum confiscated my video games?
(16M) I love my mum, she's raised me all by herself since my parents divorced 10 years ago. She has provided everything for me and I will always be grateful for that. However she is also extremely stubborn about heaps of things, and video games is one of them. Growing up I was never allowed to touch video games whatsoever, because in her mind playing them is equivalent to injecting heroin. I'm obviously annoyed by this however I don't blame her: one of our relatives kids (8 years older than me) was SEVERELY addicted to them and she's always used him as an argument to why they're bad. Growing up I've only been able to play games over at friends' places without her knowing. After I started working a part time job, I started to save up money and about six months ago I bought myself a PS4 and a small monitor screen to hide in my bedroom with the money I had saved. This was all behind her back because I knew she wouldn't have allowed it. I've been playing games on it frequently in my spare time and it has never impacted me negatively because I would only use it after ALL my studying/housework (she cares A LOT about my grades) has been done. Playing games is something I would only do in my free time. Last week she found out about it while looking for something in my room while I was at school. She confiscated it straight away. When I found out I knew that I was in the wrong (I went behind her back) but I still wanted the PS4 back. I tried explaining to her that her concerns about video games ruining my life were wrong because since I bought the PS4 I've always done my chores when asked and my grades have only improved, I am ranked in the top 10 in all my subjects at school, which she's happy about (my grades improving was of course was due to me studying harder as I actually want to get into a good university, not due to the PS4). I feel like I've proven to her that I do have self control and she could stop worrying. Plus her never even noticing just proves the point that it hasn't effected me. However she has set her mind about confiscating it and said that she would not give it back until I finish highschool. She provided no other argument apart from mentioning that relative of ours again... Because of this I've been angry at her all week as I feel that it's unfair for her to take something that I have bought with my own money. I know that she provides for me and everything - I don't pay rent or for groceries because she doesn't need it. Also every single cent of my money was earned from working as she doesn't believe in Christmas/birthday gifts. I admit that I did lose my temper and yell after trying to have a logical discussion which she dismissed with pretty much "I said so". so AITA for being mad at my mum?
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "giving my wife a vacation ultimatum", "pronormative_score": 4, "contranormative_score": 2 }
AITA for giving my wife a vacation ultimatum?
For the past 3 years I have been trying to plan a trip to Ireland. It is a place that I have always wanted to go and now just seems like the right time in our life to do it. We can financially afford it, we both have jobs that are very easy to work with when it comes to time off, and we don't have kids. We are about as free as we can be. But every time I try and plan it she is very noncommittal, and if I set hard dates she ends up cancelling them, and it just never seems to work out. Over these 3 years we have still been able to travel, we have done a trip to Mexico, Florida, and Hawaii, as well as other small weekend getaways. But she can never seem to make this trip work, even though she knows it is the #1 place I want to visit. It has gotten to the point where it seems like she has zero intentions on going and is just dragging me along instead of just telling me she doesn't want to go. So over the weekend I gave her an ultimatum. I told her that on February 1st I was going to buy 2 tickets for April 11th to the 18th. I told her if she agreed to go by that date the second ticket would obviously go to her and we would go have a great time. If she didn't then I was still going to buy the tickets but the second ticket would be for my friend Sarah (My oldest and on of my closest friends. Not related to the story but something I still find entertaining, she wore a full suit and was a groomsman at my wedding). I need to stress that this isn't some jealousy tactic by having another women be my backup person. My wife has never been jealous of her and we will usually go to the mountains to snowboard a few times a year. And since my wife HATES the cold it will just be the 2 of us sharing a room for the weekend and my wife has never had an issue with this. Plus I technically owe Sarah a trip to Ireland from a high school bet that stated the first one to get married had to take the other to Ireland. (A bet that my wife knew about but nobody really took seriously). So to me this it is simple. It is somewhere I have always wanted to go, I would love it if you went with me. But you backing out won't stop me from going anymore.
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "asking my friend with insomnia to set alarms for himself", "pronormative_score": 3, "contranormative_score": 0 }
AITA for asking my friend with insomnia to set alarms for himself?
Background that I think is relevant (It may seem out there but please bear with me): A few years back I made a friend online in a MMORPG who has become one of my best friends. I'm the first to admit that both of us are odd and insecure and the relationship is not always the healthiest. It's been all but explicitly said that he's in love with me and he knows these feelings are not reciprocated. He still wants us to meet and I have no intention of doing so. We communicate mainly through texting and in-game chat because I don't like talking on the phone (that's another story). We talk about our daily lives and know details about each other's families so we are good friends at this point and I do care about him as a friend. Just to give an idea of the relationship. This friend is often a bit needy and sometimes gets upset if we don't do anything together online on a given day. But our schedules don't always overlap and I'm getting frustrated that he complains without trying harder. I get online more in the morning because of health problems and typically cannot get on at night because my parents come home and I lose the tv. However he deals with insomnia and is often up very late into the night and sleeps past noon or sometimes even later or doesn't fall asleep until 8 am. His sleep schedule is very erratic and I usually have an idea of how his night went by how long ago he signed out since he often plays when he can't sleep. Honestly if he wants to sleep late, power to him and I'm okay with that. But then he complains that we didn't get to do much or anything together when I'm not feeling well and log out at 1 or 2 pm. I've suggested he set alarms for himself to get up earlier if he's so bothered but these suggestions just seem to not register with him and he doesn't comment on it at all. I admit I don't have a ton of experience with insomnia. I sometimes have issues falling asleep and am up kind of late, but nothing that compares to him. About once a year I'm inexplicably up all night and I know those are not my best moments (I get kind of weepy like "I just wanna sleeeeeeep why can't I sleeeeeep") so I understand that sleep deprived is not the most reasonable state to be and I'm trying super hard not to pass any judgement or be unreasonable with him. So AITA for wanting him to set alarms for himself (or something, just TRY something) or stop complaining? I feel like he has more control over this than he thinks and I'm getting frustrated at the passive aggressive comments when our play time doesn't overlap.
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "uninviting this girl to see a show with me", "pronormative_score": 8, "contranormative_score": 2 }
WIBTA if I uninvited this girl to see a show with me?
I met this girl on Tinder awhile back and we went on a date and have since been texting fairly regularly. I decided to take her on a second date so I asked her if she wanted to see a show with me. She said yes, so I bought the tickets. Later on, I referred to it as “our date” and she backed up and said she thought we were just going as friends and that she only wants to be friends with me. Ouch. Okay. She told me it’d be fine if I wanted to see the show with someone else but I was like “Nahh it’s ok we can see it as friends!!” But now I regret saying that because I don’t want to deal with these emotions right now and would rather see it with someone who I won’t feel awkward around. Should I uninvite her and take someone else or should I go with her since I said I would originally?
HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "always reclining my seat on an airplane all the way", "pronormative_score": 14, "contranormative_score": 13 }
AITA I always recline my seat on an airplane all the way
We've been seeing a lot of posts about seat reclining lately so i thought i'd submit myself for judgement. here are a couple points: -I find the seat really uncomfortable in anything besides the fully reclined position -I never pay for special seating -I'm not really tall or anything: 5'6" -if someone asked me not to, even if they were really polite i would decline so AITA?
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "not wanting to talk to my mom while she's in the hospital after threatening suicide twice, reckless behavior, homeless and lost her car", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 1 }
AITA for not wanting to talk to my mom while she’s in the hospital after threatening suicide twice, reckless behavior, homeless and lost her car?
Long story short, my mom is a good woman who cares about others, but has made some poor decisions in her life, affecting herself and her children. She had a childhood of sexual abuse and neglect, no real family, and my dad cheated on her multiple times. She eventually left him, taking me and my siblings with her. A few years later, she is introduced to drugs and became addicted. Ultimately, we were seriously neglected for four years of our childhood. She went to prison. She got out when I was a teenager, was sober and held down a respectable, yet low paying job, for 10 years or so. She met a man who was an alcoholic an bipolar, and he killed himself a year after they married. Since then, which was about 4 years ago or so, she inherited a sizable amount of money, but has no financial management skills, and that money was quickly spent. Although, she did buy me a car when I graduated and did other charitable things with it. Fast forward to the last year, she has become a full-fledged alcoholic, lost her stable job due to drinking at work, and has spiraled downward. She planned on committing suicide (had an active plan) and was committed to the psychiatric hospital. Since she got out a year ago, I have been emotionally invested and supportive. I have helped her search for jobs, helped her financially (small amounts), and have encouraged her. Well a month ago, she was fired from yet another job for drinking, was arrested for public intoxication at this job, and has become suicidal again. She’s currently in the psyc hospital, and had a heart attack while in there. Also, she has lost her car to a title loan and has been evicted from her apartment. She has a sister she is still close with, and a half sister who has recently came into her life. Otherwise, I am the only real support she has. My siblings aren’t as close with her, and receive updates through me, generally. Her sister said she wants me to call her, but I’m just spent. I feel like I have grieved her death in the last month. AITA if I completely cut off contact with her? I can’t watch her die slowly like this, it is affecting my well being. However, I’m afraid I need to be there for her, and that I will regret cutting her out of my life when she does actually die. She can’t live with me, I can’t support her financially, she isn’t always compliant with her medications, and doesn’t seek out the free. medical and psychological care I have sought out for her. Any suggestions on the least assholeish way that I can balance my own mental health with hers? Also, please do not insult her or needlessly put her down. She truly is a good person, but has trauma she’s never dealt with and is mentally ill. You would love her if you met her, maybe less so if you were her actual child, so please be respectful. Thanks.
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "being kind of upset my mom is harboring my brother", "pronormative_score": 6, "contranormative_score": 0 }
AITA for being kind of upset my mom is harboring my brother?
It’s not a secret in my family that my older brother sexually abused me when I was a kid. My mom felt it was her fault, but we also didn’t really talk about it since I told my parents after he already moved out. My parents kept a relationship with him but I always figured it was partly because he’s their son, and partly because he has kids. My brother has it kind of tough, despite most of it being self inflicted. He went through a divorce a few years ago and lost custody of his kids, was out of a job, did a lot of drugs and alcohol, killed someone in the past year in a hit and run and almost went to jail. I’m sure has an array of mental illnesses explaining this and I’m sure there’s a cause. He’s in his mid 30s now and my mom just let slip he’s living with her now and she’s supporting him. I live states away so it doesn’t effect me at all unless I went home, but I feel kind of betrayed in a way. Am I the asshole for being upset about this? Would I be an asshole if I let this effect our relationship? I haven’t told her how I feel, because I feel like it’s none of my business what she does.
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "wanting to walk out of my job and tell my boss to go eff himself", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 2 }
Aita for wanting to walk out of my job and tell my boss to go eff himself?
So my boss told me today that he "done with my hygeine" and that I'm hanging on by a thread at work. I've been to my doctor multiple times about this and they said the only thing that can even be a reason for these complains is a mildew smell on my clothes but they said it's not so bad that someone can't stand within 5 feet of me and they don't get where that's coming from. I shower every single night before work and even when I was showering in the morning before work it was an issue. He even told me that the issue that I was embarrassed about because it was caused by my IBS and nothing hygeine related made them have to pretty much close the store for a bit. It made me feel even worse about what happened, and after that I'm about ready to just walk out and not come back and let my mom, sister, and grandma do what they will in giving him a piece of their minds on the whole situation. Aita for wanting to walk out and tell him what to do with his "Your hygeine is bad" comments?
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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{ "description": "wanting my old home life back", "pronormative_score": 4, "contranormative_score": 0 }
AITA for wanting my old home life back?
About three years ago me, my mum and my brother escaped a toxic relationship my mum had with her boyfriend (let's call him Scrooge). I was seventeen at the time and in my last year of high school. The first problem started with the moving. I wasn't told that mum and Scrooge had problems. All the sudden one night I'm told that next week we'd start packing and the moving started right away. This was only slightly before my high school finals and I was in shock about it. The new house turned out to need a lot of work (and fixing is still going on) but I was told I would get a bigger room, so I didn't mind. I was just trying to not be a burden. Everyone's irritation with the moving process was pointed at eachother including me, while I didn't do anything but study and keep quite. The second disappointment was that the room I was promised wouldn't come. Mum wanted to turn it into her therapy room and I was told to accept this, since she had gone through a lot. I was ok with it, she needed it for her side business, but the lack of agency I had in anything pained me. The room I have now is so small I can touch the walls standing in the middle without moving. Then there were the dogs we had to leave at Scrooge, while he can't even take care of a pet rock. Three lovely Caucasian shepards. It hurts me deeply still and the German shepard we could keep is too big for this house. He's suffering from it. That year felt wrong, but I hoped that after the moving was done, things would be better. I also blame the moving for me failing my finals that year and having to redo it, but I'm not sure if that is fair. The next year, I'm eightteen. My brother changed, barking commands at me and my mother, being grumpy all the time and being let in on financial struggles while I'm kept in the dark about everything, I'm not comfortable with this change in my brother, he wasn't like that and I hate that he has taken on the behaviour I hated in Scrooge and my dad. My mum meanwhile has changed too, being grumpy and complaining, shouting and grunting when angry at anything, slamming with doors while making passive-agressive comments about how hard she has it whenever I mentioned I struggled with something. Nowadays I won't even open up to things to her anymore. Currently it's two days before my nineteenth birthday and I'm in my first year of law school. I cannot speak my mind to my mother or share details about my classes, my brother gets pissed off and yells about it. I straight up don't feel like this is my home. It never was and I long to go back to three years ago. Even if it includes Scrooge. But I feel selfish for wanting that. Yet I feel angry for feeling selfish. I never asked for this, I was dragged in against my will and it worstened our homelife and the relationship between us three. AITA for wanting my old home life back, if my mother tried so desperately to escape that?
HISTORICAL
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null
AITA ? Problem in group work
Hello everyone, I am extremely stressed by a story that happened to me last Saturday Me and a few friends as well as my girlfriend had a group work to render, a short film to be made from scratch, the day of filming, so we started doing this work, but one of the band members, Theo, started putting a lot of pressure on my girlfriend, Elodie, until she broke down, and had a panic attack, she started crying and so we decided to isolate ourselves so she could calm down, Theo started harassing her again so I told her that if he continued, I grabbed him and grabbed him against the wall to make him understand that we needed time, he continued, I did what I said, Elodie stopped me from hitting him so I decided to leave the house with her, as a result: we got fired from the group and now all my friends are angry with me, saying that it's all my fault . ​ I dont know if it's my fault, i just wanted to protect my girlfriend.. ​ AITA ?
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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{ "description": "expressing my dating preferences", "pronormative_score": 4, "contranormative_score": 4 }
AITA for expressing my dating preferences.
I am a girl. My friends and I the other day were talking about dating. My friend jokes that I “obviously have a thing for white guys”. I say thats not true, because I dated a Middle Eastern guy once. And she goes “would you ever date an Asian guy??” I said no, I would not, and said I wouldn’t date a black guy either. Just not my preference. She called me a racist. Am I though? Its just a freaking preference, and she brought it up in the first place.
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "taking time to start a task", "pronormative_score": 2, "contranormative_score": 3 }
AITA for taking time to start a task?
My mom told my brother and I to wash the dishes, and we said we would do it later. She insisted two more times and when we went to wash them, she was almost finished. This started a heated argument where she claimed she was doing other housework and we didn't do our task when she told us. We said she didn't give us a time limit and we were there ready to start. I know it's silly but I don't know who's in the wrong here, can you help me?
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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{ "description": "hating my job", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 1 }
AITA if I hate my job?
Hullo reddit Right now I am working as a web developer wherein I am working on a project on this framework which I hate(it's a php based framework and it ends in "ento "). The project has been worked on by 2 parties and they had asked the other party to do only half the work and the other half I have to understand their code and finish it. I have finished my end of the functionality but it's ridiculous that I have to finish their job. And I've had to literally modify almost all major modules in some way or the other. I am really really starting to hate my job which was not the case earlier. The reason why I took this job because I was asked to leave from my earlier data science job as I did not have enough knowledge about the same. So AITA if I hate my job?
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "leaving my friend in the living room by himself because I felt awkward", "pronormative_score": 3, "contranormative_score": 0 }
AITA for leaving my friend in the living room by himself because I felt awkward
Last night, I (f17) was hanging out with some of my best friends (let's call them guy A, B, and C). The four of us were driving around the neighborhood while jamming to music, which was really chill. Afterward, we decided to call it a night, so we were heading to my apt since I wanted to be dropped off first. When we were in front of my apt, I asked them if they wanted to come in and watch something together. It got quiet for a moment, and B said he was tired, so he would rather get dropped off right after. A was the one driving, so he agreed to leave with B. However, C was down to hang for a little, so C and I went into the apt...just the 2 of us. After we got in, I turned on the TV, watched a little bit of Netflix, and realized that it was getting quite awkward, at least for me. (Nothing happened, both of us were just watching TV). I told C that I needed to charge my phone and I went into my room, stayed there for about 10-20 min. The entire time I was trying to figure out if I was overreacting or this was really inappropriate (I have a boyfriend). All of them are really close friends with me and my boyfriend, but I just wasn't used to hanging out with someone other than my bf alone for a long time. Am I making it a big deal and it's not? AITA?
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "cursing out my disabled grandma", "pronormative_score": 2, "contranormative_score": 3 }
AITA for cursing out my disabled grandma?
Sorry, long post on mobile please be kind So I had a year of awful luck where I made poor financial decisions and ran out of money right after 19. I didn't want to move back in with my parents but my grandparents, G & D, were getting older and offered me housing for keeping up with chores around the house G & D were already disabled when I moved in but over time their health has degraded dirasticly. G has had to retire because of his fatigue and pain while D can no longer walk safely without any assistance. Both need full time nursing care but refuse to admit it Because both are bored they've gotten nitpicky and unpleasant. G calls my cat rude names, D hovers over my chores to make sure I'm doing them right After about 5 trips to the hospital and 8ish surgeries in 2 years Im tired. I've had a weekend away from the house maybe 7 or 8 times since moving in After a lot of tears and arguing we came to and agreement on the chores that needed to be done for me to stay. This was because they said I was too mopey and unhappy to stay there. G also screamed a full day at me for "implying" he was older because I didn't think he should change light fixtures himself (this was also right after I started going to school again, & quit my job because of my own health problems). So I fought to stay there hoping I could finish my degree before getting the hell out of there Well last week D asked if I can clean the kitchen on my off day, she'll give me $40. I said I felt bad but sure, & got to work. When I was finished I got my bf's take out from the dinner we missed the night before & drove over to give it too him 10 minutes after I get there D blows up my phone. She starts accusing me of sneaking out (Even though I told G where I was going) That I was stupid and an idiot for not mopping the floor of the kitchen. I didn't want to start anything so I left quickly to go home When I got home I was accused of throwing out a cheese grater, & when I tried to get into the kitchen to clean D starts screaming at me. Mostly about how I need to do what I'm told & how I didn't clean the range well enough for her liking I am sorry to say that I lost it. I told her to 'f off, she dosent have to pay me, I'm going upstairs D starts screaming about how I will come back and finish cleaning her kitchen. Then tells me to have bf come pick me up because I'm no longer welcome in their house So right now I'm sleeping on a different relatives couch while I finish up school. After talking it over with my parents and other grandmother everyone agrees that I need to apologize for my language towards D. And that D & G are afraid the family will break up because of this I don't want to apologize, I don't want to be the bigger person, I never want to talk to them again. I've already started to process of moving out but I openly ignore D and G everytime I go back for more stuff. So am I the asshole here?
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{ "description": "getting annoyed at people singing", "pronormative_score": 6, "contranormative_score": 1 }
AITA for getting annoyed at people singing?
I am a student at a medical university, and yesterday I was walking to the hospital building to get lunch. The main hospital lobby has a piano in it which people are welcome to play. (Usually people play nice classical pieces with soft melodies etc...) When I walked in there was a group of 4 or so people around the piano and one guy playing. They were singing "praise God, praise God" at the top of their lungs to whatever tune the guy was playing on the piano. For some reason, as I walked by, I became irrationally angry at this. I kept thinking "get your praise God BS out of this secular university hospital!!" I'm annoyed again just thinking about it. I didn't say or do anything about it I just kept walking to the cafeteria, but other people that were walking by were smiling and clapping along, which annoyed me more. I think the reasons I'm annoyed are; 1) it's a secular university 2) it's a hospital lobby where other people are bound not to feel as happy as you do 3) if you're overjoyed about some good news it's likely the doctor you should be praising 4) don't throw God in my face I feel like an asshole for getting this annoyed about it. I'd like to know if you all feel like I am too.
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "not letting my sister take a desk chair that I technically don't own", "pronormative_score": 0, "contranormative_score": 2 }
AITA for not letting my sister take a desk chair that I technically don't own?
TL;DR: I've had a chair in my room for 3 years that I own 33% of, my sister owns another 33% of the chair and wants it in her room. I refused. I want to start this off by acknowledging that this is petty. Accept it and move one. So, when we were young, my brother sister and I shared a computer, with a desk and chair to use with it. Over time, the computer broke and us siblings bought our own laptops/computers/tablets/whatever, so the desk and chair went unused for just over a year. I have had the chair for 3 years in my room, and I constantly use it with my own desk. My sister recently took the old desk into her room and wants to take the chair with it. I made an offer that she takes it today (the 17th) and on Saturday (the 19th) we go to a local thrift store and buy a new chair. I can't go buy a chair myself because I can't drive, my sister does. She isn't available to go buy one on my Saturday schedule, so I offered to give her the money and go get one herself. She refused because she isn't available at all during the store hours (I call bullshit but can't prove it). She will not go get a new chair on Saturday, so I told her that I wouldn't give her the chair in my room and she stormed off all upset. There's two sides to this. I have had the chair for 3 years, the previous year it was unused by anyone. So within the last 4 years, I've been the only one to use the chair. My sister's only argument for why she should get the chair is that it's not mine, I replied by telling that it's not hers either. I made a fair offer to give her the chair for a few days until we get a new one. I don't want to wait till the next Saturday (the next day we're both able to go to the store) because she probably won't be able to go then either (just a hunch, but I am very busy on Saturdays, I could only go in the morning). I also fear that if I give an inch, she takes a mile, she says it'll be for a while, but if I give her the chair, I'll never see it again. She's not reliable on promises like this. ​ The chair isn't technically mine, I'm just the only one using it and the only one who needed it until now. She technically has 33% claim on the chair. The chair was bought originally to go with the desk that's now in her room. She might have better use of the chair (I use it for gaming mostly), so she might be doing something with the chair/desk that's important, like work or something. It's not exactly mine, but it's not exactly mine, so who's in the right here? Who should get the chair?
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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{ "description": "requesting to be seated away from a family with children including one with special needs child do to their noise level, causing them to leave the restaurant", "pronormative_score": 119, "contranormative_score": 162 }
AITA for requesting to be seated away from a family with children including one with special needs child do to their noise level, causing them to leave the restaurant?
So, last night to celebrate new years me and my wife decided to go to a fairly fancy restaurant nearby. The place was packed and you needed to make reservations to just get in. When we got in we were seated and things were going well, until another family was sat next to us. It was a mother, father, and 3 children. Immediately we both knew there was going to be an issue. While the restaurant was busy and a little noisy it was nowhere near the level the three children were at. One of the children was obviously special needs and was having outburst every few minutes while the other two were making quite a bit of noise. At first I decided to put up with it, but eventually I lost my cool when the special needs child started to scream and threw crayons they brought with them around (one of them landed on our table). I got up and asked (I though I asked kindly, but my wife says I came off a bit harsh) for them to get control of their children and to conciser the people around them. They apologized for everything and began trying to get everything under control. This is where the second problem comes in, to keep their children entertained they pulled out a tablet and began playing videos on it, at full volume with no headphones. I got up again and told them to "turn the damn thing off" or get them headphones. I could tell they were both embarrassed and they apologized again but said that they could not get headphones due to their special needs son (they specifically called him this so I know I was not just guessing) being uncomfortable with it but said they wouldn't be able to turn it off. At this point I stormed off to get the manager. When I got there I demanded a new table away from the other family. The restaurant was packed so this wasn't an option so the manager brought me with him and asked the other family to leave. The mother looked like she was about to cry and the father grabbed his kids and stormed off. My wife would not talk to me the rest of the night and at home told me that I was wrong for how I acted. Honestly though I don't feel bad at all. The restaurant is pretty expensive and we only go there once or twice a year so I believe that I was within my right to want to enjoy a meal I play for without hearing kids screaming or a tabled blaring. Am I wrong?
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 119, "WRONG": 162 }
WRONG
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{ "description": "being pi**ed off with entitled friend", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 1 }
AITA for being pi**ed off with entitled friend?
Bit of background. I've known this girl for 10+ years now and she is married to my cousin. We were friends at school even though she is a shitty person to be around. I'll call her B from here forward. Ok so last year my gran passed away. She was just old and sickly. It happens. I'm just glad she's not miserable anymore. I wasn't all that close with her or any of that side of the family because they're pretty much all choosing beggars and entitled pricks. But she was still my gran so. Anyway B posted details of my grans funeral on social media HOURS after she'd passed away. This was before my dad even knew properly what had happened. I saw it and was pretty livid. She then proceeded to mail me the next morning to ask if I knew my gran had died. Well if I hadn't, your post would certainly have informed me darling. She then complained that she hadn't been the first to find out about it. I stopped replying to her at this point. Fast forward a few days and B messages again. This time asking if I knew details of the funeral. I hadn't actually been told officially because her original post was premature and there were several versions of events I'd heard about. I said no. I didn't definately know anything. B " Oh WE weren't told until yesterday either" Lies So she goes on to relay the details to me and goes on to moan about how she isn't allowed in the main car for the funeral and has to make her own way there. (My cousin drives so I don't see the issue) At this point I am making an ugly face at the screen. I tell her that it's only fair that only my dad and his 3 siblings get the main car and once she realised I wasn't on her side, she didn't reply. Day of the funeral and she shows up halfway through the ceremony dressed like a whore. She needed her own entrance clearly. Sorry it's taken a while to get to my main point but it was relevant. Once my grans house was getting cleared out the handing out of possessions began (she didn't have a will or anything ) This utter
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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null
AITA for the way I will handle being bullied by a coworker as I mediated bullying between students
I work half days at school so my shift ends before the school day ends. I can't get paid to stay late and work extra. I'm paid an hourly wage and it is on me to leave when the shift ends. My shift ends at an awkward time before recess ends so I stay an extra 8 to 15+ minutes every day free of charge off the clock. When there is bad weather recess is indoors and starts later and I get stuck off the clock even later. Friday was one of those days. I was around the corner from the indoor recess area. I was mediating between 2 groups of students that are bulling each other. The core of the problem is both sides are trying to boss the other side around and tell them what to do. I'm trying to be a reasonable mediator and and this feud. Another staff members interrupts. She tells the students to get around the corner with the rest of the students. She then points to me and demands "you need the be here." Then points to a spot around the corner. I walk out over exactly to where she pointed. Then I point to the clock and say, "My shifted ended 10 minutes ago." Instead of thanking me for staying late off the clock she doubles down. She says "someone needs to be here." I replied, "There are already 2 staff members here." She claims one was not supposed to be there and demands I tell her who is supposed to be there. I explain that I've only been working there for a month and all I know is a stay late off the clock every day too give extra help and that it is time for me to go to my other job. The lady storms off. This lady's is not a supervisor of me or any other staff. My issues: 1. I was mediating between students that are disrupting learning by trying to boss each around. The co worker disrupted this by trying to boss me around. 2. I tried to giver her a chance to model conflict resolution for the students by politely telling her I'm off the clock. She continued to attempt to exert control over me by having me explain to her who should be there and have me be accountable no the lack of staff. 3 She insisted that someone had to be there and after multiple explanations that I'm off the clock she stormed off. If "someone has to be be there" and she is on the clock and knows I'm off the clock why did she leave? On the way out I talked to other employees and they said she messed up and would talk to her. Maybe she will apologize maybe she will not. Either way the students witnessed this situation will ask me follow up I'm honest and transparent with students and I have a same problem with the co worker that the students have with each other. I'd like to resolve my conflict in away that can serve as a model for the students. It was an all around bad day and the interaction kind of got to me so I need advice for a better resolution. I have set a daily alarm on my phone for when paid time ends I will leave work when paid time ends. If I'm not working off the clock someone that is not my boss can not boss me around off the clock. By not working off the clock it will create a burden for at least half a dozen staff and many students. The moral of the story modeled for the students would be that lady that tried to boss me around in a rude way maybe thought she was helping bossing someone around that they are not the boss of but instead failed to gain compliance and created a bigger problem. I'm really conflicted here. This will show the students that being bossy fails and creates more problems than solutions. If an on the clock co worker wants to be rude to me when I'm working off the clock I have the right to not work off the clock. I don't want to be petty by abruptly ending this off the clock support but I want to show the students being a bossy bully won't work. What should I do? AITA if I no longer work off the clock after a co worker was rude when I was working off the clock. AITA for the way I will handle being bullied by a coworker as I mediated bullying between students?
HISTORICAL
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null
AITA in this situation? Because I sort of feel like one...
To add some background: I am taking a gap year off from school, so I don't flunk out. I have Major Depressive Disorder and generalized anxiety disorder, which seriously affected my education. To become a better adult and not be so dependent upon my mother, I moved in with my father in a different state. My entire life I was raised by only my mom. I have three younger half sisters, we all have the same father. I visited my dad when I was younger, but I had such horrible times visiting him, that I decided that I never wanted to stay with him for a long period of time ever again. My mom didn't force me to go, so I wouldn't raise an unholy stink about it. Fast forward about ten years later, I am now 22 and living with my dad, with my cat, for at least a year, I have a job and I pay for the internet bill and I take care of my cat. About a week into my stay in my dad's house we were sitting and watching a movie in the living room and my dad tells me he might have another daughter that is older than me. Since I didn't grow up with him, this hasn't really affected me, but the second daughter (or maybe third) was really hurt by this revelation, which was told to them by a third party after Christmas, I wasn't told until around the end of the first week of January. The second daughter won't accept this possible daughter until an DNA test is done, but neither her nor my dad are going to get that done for various reasons, most of which I don't know. I was really happy he was telling me this as, i thought he was opening up to me. He also said that he didn't really like my mother because she never told him things, like my sexuality. In her defence, I didn't outright tell her until around November of last year, so she didn't know much longer than he did. Or that I was molested by another child, once again, in her defence, I didn't tell her until eight years after the fact, and it only came up because I told my therapist thought I feel better if she knew, it sort of helped. I didn't tell my dad until during my second hospital stay for suicidal ideation last March. Or the fact that he made me hug his mom while she was naked during one of my visits was one of the many reasons I never wanted to visit him for more than a few hours again. He says he didn't make me do that, and I will admit that my memory is spotty over those two long trips, but I'm pretty sure it was him that did that. Anyway, after that long talk I hugged and kissed him goodnight, but I smelled alcohol on his breath and realized that he had been drinking. I started my new job, which was very tiring, but I was making an effort to spend more time with my father, but it seemed like he was avoiding me, which actually really hurt me. I bought dinner and, normally he eats in the living room, but this time he took the food upstairs and ate. I kind of assumed that he was embarrassed by what he was saying while slightly under the influence. He comes downstairs the next day and I felt like I was being fussed at for my room being messy, sometime while I was out of my room, my threw up on the floor. I felt like he was threatening her being able to stay here and I will admit that made me defensive, seeing as that was the first thing in days he said more than two words to me. I cleaned up my room that night. I vented to my mom about the last few days, and she got upset on my behalf and texted my dad, I don't know exactly what was said, but it prompted my dad to call her and needless to say, the conversation did not go well. We were facetiming and my mom muted herself and I saw, but didn't hear the conversation. I felt like an asshole for basically causing a fight between them and wished I could take back what I said. My dad called me, but I had to go to work and wouldn't be back until around 10:30pm. I basically had an anxiety attack before I left and cried, but I got through my shift came back and fell asleep. The next day I get off of work at around 5pm, my gets off around that time as well and I got my food and was going back upstairs when my dad stopped me and said after I was done eating to come back down so we could talk. This caused another anxiety attack, so I called my mom up, she has been the one I go to my entire life, and she says to stop stalling and go down there and talk. The talk was me listening and him talking. I did say that I felt like was threatening my cat being here and he said that that wasn't the case. I said okay, I understood. He proceeds to say that he shouldn't be getting any texts from my mom about how he is handling me, which he is right about, and that my mom has basically gotten me used to living in a messy room and he won't allow it. I think he is under the misconception that my mom said bad things about him while I was growing up, even though she didn't. In fact she was the one who encouraged me to talk with him more, but back to the talk, he says that it wasn't true that he said that he didn't really like my mom, which made me feel like a liar because he definitely said that. He also said that I can ask my sisters and his wife about what type of person he is, even though during the long talk that night he said he was easy to get along with. He ended the conversation with saying that if I continue to talk with my mom about what goes on in this house we will probably never be close. I said okay and hugged him goodnight. I told my mom to never talk to my dad again and that I don't want to cause another fight between them. Since then, we haven't really talked at all, no more than hellos and goodbyes. I loathe confrontation, but I'm not going to stop talking to my mom, for 22 years she has been all that I have had. Am I the asshole in this situation, because I feel like one..
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "reacting defensively and leaving the party without my boyfriend because of fight", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 1 }
AITA for reacting defensively and leaving the party without my boyfriend because of fight?
First of all, any mistakes in English - sorry, not my primary language. So I'm dating a guy for 4 months now, we went to his friend birthday party (pub, table reserved). For the fking whole party, he was talking to his friends (doesn't seen them at all through 2 months, studies, work, etc.). They met me twice, they like me I guess. But they have their own topics to discuss, so there were little groups on this party, everyone was enjoying it. Not me, I felt badly alone. But it's ok, I hope my bf enjoys it. There is one guy, I know him, he is very sweet, very lovely if I can say so? You know, type of guy that avoid fights, arguments. He got drunk. Everyone likes him, let's call him Crush. There was a couple, I don't even know them but I know that they are studying together with my boyfriends friends group. Let's call the male aggressor. So Crush, drunk, sits next to friends talking about sth. Then suddenly, aggressor gets up, approached Crush and punch in the face! I became alerted, felt very very uncomfortable. Blood on the floor, blood on his shirt. I ran to bartender for ice, quickly ran into Crush gave him the ice, tried to take care of him. AFAIK, aggressors girlfriend told him, that Crush touched her thigh while talking to her. In my country, it's a common thing, you just touch somebody sometimes, especially when you are drunk, and it is quite ok, and while Crush is doing it, you just know that he is trying to be nice, and that's all. Everyone knows that Crush is just being very nice and talkative. So all the drama started. I went out for a cigarette, then heard aggressors talk with friends, like: "She said he touched her! It was like this, wasn't it honey?" The girl was just sitting, with her hood on, face hidden in jacket and said nothing. I was standing there, tried to listen to some drama (mind you, I like dramas), and then other girl approached aggressor and told him: "Oh, you know. I would not blame Crush. It's the guy in colored t-shirt who is an idiot, he told someone that your girl is a whore and destroyed a party because of this." So aggressor takes away and try to get another fight. Then I reacted. With serious threat, that if he is going to touch anyone, I am going to make his life a lovely nightmare. Then went to my boyfriend, and told him about all of this. He said: Why, why did you ever react? I mean, no one cares about it, this just sometimes happen and that's all? Don't try to involve yourself into this, they are friends. I thought, ok these are not actually my friends. But I felt really, really uncomfortable and badly, I really don't like situations like this, I just said: \- Do you really thing it is normal? \- Yeah, shit happens. Why you even care? I mean, look: no one cares about it, stop overreacting. And that was enough. Seriously people? You are all like 24-26 yo and behave like.. this? \- Well because I'm here with you.. Baby, I wanna go home, I am not angry at you (these are his friends, not mine, so feel free to spend time with them, but don't make me stay here), if you want to, you can stay, but I'm leaving right now. I don't feel well, I don't feel uncomfortable, I don't feel good in mental way, I don't like those kind of situations on parties. \- Yeah go on, do whatever you want. Just go home, it's ok. (said that with mean tone) I got Uber, and went back home. Come to think of it, maybe I should not involve myself in this, threatening to aggressor, but I just could not resist of seeing an aggressor, talking shits without even asking Crush if that situation had happened and why etc. , and trying to get into another fight. And it was the first time I have ever witnessed this kind of situation - my friends prefers, cafe, restaurants and quiet places with no alcohol.. ​ Backstory: Me and my boyfriend are both gays, so don't laugh at me threatening aggressor. Ppl usually get scared. :D
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 1, "WRONG": 1 }
RIGHT
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{ "description": "openly saying I dislike one of my sisters, and still hold a grudge towards her", "pronormative_score": 4, "contranormative_score": 4 }
AITA for openly saying i dislike one of my sisters, and still hold a grudge towards her?
**Obligatory apology for formatting.** Now I’ve never said anything to her face as i try to be respectful as she is my sister, but my family says that i take and hold grudges too seriously. Time for some back story; Ever since i learned about politics (around age 6) i always wanted to keep up, i also love debates as you get to see opposing views and hear opposing arguments. Now ever since i was young, i was always more of a republican/ conservative while the rest of my family is profoundly liberal.Now i am always respectful with my debates and my inclusion of opinion during political settings, i never try and push a belief, or an opinion, but base most of my debates off fact. **Now onto the juicy bits: (keep in mind this is the best example but she has resorted to this quite often)** My oldest sister is well, least to say, stubborn. She can never accept when she is wrong, or when facts that can be backed by evidence back an opposition. These are the type people i dislike, About a couple months ago she brought up the topic of the “pink tax” and how it was sexist, and she wanted our views on it. I said plainly that it doesn’t exist, and she was livid. She tried to say that why should a Gillette razor for women be more expensive, just because its pink and more feminine. My retort “Well, buy the mens razor then? Surely if they are the same product you dont need the pink feminine razor.” This upset her and i tried to end the conversation, but she kept at it, so I defended my view, which made her progressively angrier. Apparently she couldnt grasp the concept that companies will charge more for certain aesthetically pleasing things, as they will make more of a profit Well in the end when the others discussing the topics agreed with me she got really defensive, and went for an attack on credibility. She vigorously and snidely announced: “**My Name** YOUR A TEENAGER, ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS ARGUE AND DISAGREE, YOU PROBABLY DONT EVEN HAVE EXPERIENCE BUYING HALF OF THESE PRODUCTS.” TLDR: AITA if I am open with the fact that i dislike my sister as she is never willing to have a civilized discussion with me, without resulting to insults, or insulting my credibility on the subject. Even if i still respect her, and am never intentionally mean to her. Now i am still quite mad about the mentioned incident as it happened during a big family dinner.
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 4, "WRONG": 4 }
RIGHT
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arqfow
{ "description": "not wanting to follow korean culture even though my parents want me to", "pronormative_score": 4, "contranormative_score": 3 }
AITA(14M) for not wanting to follow Korean culture even though my parents want me to.
Okay I'm French Canadian (that's why my English will be bad my third language) my parents moved to Quebec in 1999 in their late 20s and had my oldest sister in 2001 had my other sister in 2003 had me in 2005 okay in Korea their are names for people that are older then you for example that have problems with my parents want me to call my older sisters noona which is something a Male calls a older sister or older female that you are close with. I dont want to bring Korean culture into my life I'm Canadian just because I am einthic Korean doesn't mean I have to follow Korean culture. I'm fine with speaking Korean at home I get it for my parents its easier to speak Korean. I just want to know am I the asshole for not wanting to follow my parents culture.
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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awoh05
{ "description": "getting irritated by people walking slowly everywhere and I quickly get out and around them, kind of like using the left lane to pass slower drivers", "pronormative_score": 2, "contranormative_score": 3 }
AITA For getting irritated by people walking slowly everywhere and I quickly get out and around them, kind of like using the left lane to pass slower drivers.
So my girlfriend and I moved to DC and have never lived in an actual city as adults. Everywhere we go, we seem to constantly get stuck behind people walking slow as fuck(we both walk at a rather brisk pace). We catch glances from people that just seem to be appalled by the fact that we walked around them. We also seem seem to always be the ones having to move out of the way, often times walking in the street or grass because people walking the other way walk so spread out and just don’t acknowledge the fact that they aren’t the only people in the world and don’t respect other people’s personal space. We experience this everywhere, from the streets to the metro stations, including when people stand on both sides of the escalators when it’s just a social norm to move to the right to let people walk up if they choose. So I’ve decided to refuse to move out of everyone else’s way and start shoulder checking people that walk to close and just expect me to move for them. Why should I constantly be the one going out of my way to be considerate to those that choose not to acknowledge themselves being, what I feel, is inconsiderate and disrespectful to other people and their personal space?
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
{ "RIGHT": 2, "WRONG": 3 }
WRONG
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b4sg7o
{ "description": "potentially taking a joke with my gal pal too far", "pronormative_score": 4, "contranormative_score": 0 }
AITA for potentially taking a joke with my gal pal too far?
My gal and I share an “off color” sense of humor. A major thing we’ve bonded over has been our shared love of dark jokes and typically throughout the day we are whispering funny things we think of to each other. The other day while going clothes shopping, she showed me a picture of her and her dog and I made a comment about how this looks very similar to the beginning of my favorite porn video. She responded by jokingly saying that a dog and a person engaging in coitus is messed up and I said the fact that they killed the dog too was even more messed up. We riffed back and forth for a little until I implied that because the dog and person were the same gender, it really crossed a moral line. At this point my gal got really mad at me saying that I shouldn’t joke about something that serious especially considering that her sister is gay. I immediately apologized very sincerely explaining that I had no intention of offending her and that all I wanted to do was see her smile again but that came to no avail. We’re still sleeping next to each other tonight so I can’t imagine she’s terribly angry but AITA? A couple things to note: -Her sister and I are good friends who often spend alone time together -My gal knows I’ve been a long time supporter of gay rights -We’ve joked about homosexuality in the past with no problems
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ap1mnf
{ "description": "confronting neighbor for leaving dog in car", "pronormative_score": 4, "contranormative_score": 1 }
AITA For confronting neighbor for leaving dog in car?
Recently moved into an apartment complex and noticed a small dog in a parked vehicle, windows rolled up, barking its head off. The front plate was an out of state one so I assumed it was owned by a visitor or new resident like myself. By the time I made it to the lobby I was furious bitching to anyone within ear shot - describing the car and dog to those sitting in the lobby. Everyone was also upset, that is until the elderly owner stepped out of the elevator. "Oh her / that's her" was their response before calming up. I angrily told her there are laws in the state and I was going to call the police. She calmly told me she was only taking in her grocerys and was on her way out to get her dog. Since this occurrence our paths cross often and we do not speak. She is in fact a long time resident, has correct state plates on rear of car, which is apparently hybrid/electric keeping it running with air conditioning to keep puppy cool when left in the car, which is multiple times a week. AITA For not realizing the car was running with a/c and she's in fact a conscientious pet owner?
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
{ "RIGHT": 4, "WRONG": 1 }
RIGHT
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{ "description": "not telling anybody I switched schools because I was afraid of what they would say", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 0 }
AITA for not telling anybody I switched schools because I was afraid of what they would say?
I recently switched schools and I told one of my friends I was moving. He got really mad at me for it so then I told nobody else. Now everyone is mad at me for not telling them. I think im the asshole but I just wanted to vent a little.
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
{ "RIGHT": 1, "WRONG": 0 }
RIGHT
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{ "description": "not wanting my in laws to visit my daughter yet", "pronormative_score": 2, "contranormative_score": 0 }
AITA for not wanting my in laws to visit my daughter yet
My baby is only three weeks old and hasnt been baptized yet and her shots are not complete yet so I havent allowed anyone to visit her aside from family and SO, of course. But my family didnt even touch my baby, just peeked at her crib and went on to have dinner. My FIL and SO's stepmom, and their son are too demanding. Especially stepmom. She always want to visit unannounced during weekends, always want to carry my baby, and always asks when SO is visiting so she could come. Which irritates SO because he isnt really in good terms with them. And since we arent living together yet (the house we'll be moving in will be available on Feb) SO only gets to visit once or twice a week because he works far from home and he stays in his grandma's house which is near his work. One time, his Dad contracted chicken pox and even though it was dangerous. Stepmom thought it was a good idea to visit the baby and carry her. Even though she isnt the one with the disease, she also had the colds when she visited and I thought it was too risky and it was the final straw for me. Ive been avoiding her messages lately and I disabled my sim card so she wont be able to call. I last sent her photos of the baby but stop replying whenever she asks to visit or when is my SO visiting. SO also thinks its a good idea to cut contact up until the baby gets her shots next month and can be brought out in public. I feel like an asshole for cutting them off but theyve been really invasive and my baby's safety comes first. AITA?
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
{ "RIGHT": 2, "WRONG": 0 }
RIGHT
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alan8c
{ "description": "having stupid fight over seating positions", "pronormative_score": 0, "contranormative_score": 2 }
AITA, having stupid fight over seating positions.
Background: In my college there is very popular Lan-party and I work there as Console Supervisor. I basically make sure consoles work with no problems and if someone has questions or problems with any of consoles, I am the guy who has to go to help there. My friend group is usually take part on Lan-party and there is around 7 people in that group (me including). Because the group is kinda big we usually get one row of 6 seats. But couple of my friends bring their brother, little sister (underage) and boyfriend to the Lan-party. More people the merrier, right? At the Lan-party there is always pre-made seating positions to everyone but you can switch around with your friends. Week before even registering for the Lan-party my friend Sam (name changed) posted message to our chat: "let sit this way at the lan-party: I want to sit next to my sister and boyfriend so seating should go like this: me, my sister, John (Sam's bf), Jen, Jen's brother and someone. Because there is so many of us for one row the rest can be somewhere close like: someone (most likely Disco (me)) , Paul and Jeff (Paul's bf). Be cause me and Jen has overwatch sessions anyway so I want to sit to close her too xD" Sandy awnser "sounds good to me, If possible I want to have the hallway seat because I can have more room :) " Paul "me and my bf don't care where we sit" I didn't awnser at the time because I wanted to make sure that I even got PC place from the party. Others like Jen didn't answer too. The day of registration: Registration opens and I get my reservation to pc place. I messaged: "Registered! Oh, I forgot mention that I need the hallway seat because the I work there and I need to constantly get up from my place and the space between desks are tiny, so I don't want to constantly walk back and forth and push peoples seats accidentally and bother them. Other wise I don't care where I sit." Sandy "I thought we already agreeded on this position *tagged Sam's message*. Because you work there you can ask yourself own hallway seat, because group is gonna get splitted up anyway, so we have changes to get to seats" Me: "Yes, a chance, that doesn't mean we must have two hallway seats. I just thought that I just wanted to make it easier and more comfortable to everyone so I don't have to walk Back forth behind people, you guys know how annoying it is right? ". Sandy "I just think the Sam's suggestion is the most practical!". Me: "also in the end it really doesn't matter who is next to you because everyone is focused to gaming and we are talking in discord anyway" Sandy: "just suggest that they will give you a other hallway seat" Me: "I did that already, but usually hallway seats are for people who work there or needs them, and I aren't only one who needs hallwayseat" Sandy: " YOU could have said earlier about this!" Me: "hey Sandy, calm down. Don't snort peas to your nose about this please." Sam: "our row is already over booked, and you aren't in it xD. But you work there you can just go and edit the seating plan" Me: "but, I just can't go and edit the plan. I don't have right to do so" Thomas (he is by stander in this): "everyone is anyway in close to each other in tiny space so it doesn't matter who is sitting next to you" Sandy: "I don't care" Sam: "funny how you bring this up now, disco. You didn't say anything for my seating plan. I used my time to think about it, so we are gonna go with that xD" Me: "I thought you guys know that I work there. Like in past 5 times I have" At this moment I am getting pretty pissed about my friends passive-aggressive words, I know I could have bring this up earlier but my assuming got best of me. Me: "Also you said" Someone" in the post so I thought it didn't automatically mean Sandy" Sam: "Well, We did kinda mean Sandy with" Me: "Also I wasn't only one who didn't say anything" Sam: "You should have better luck next time XD" Me: "Do you know what, if you don't even want to sit in same row or even do this one tiny favor. I ask the head supervisor so move me elsewhere." Me: "also how about you get married with your retarded plan if you love it so much. I am done. Goodbye. " And I left the message group. My last message was childish and rude, I know that. Reason I left the group was because I got panic attack (anxiety is a bitch) and I can say very bad things and escalate things to worse. Thomas called me later and calmed me down. And explained his point of view of situation. He told me Sandy and Sam had total meltdown in group after I left and said how I am ungrateful of all of Sam work she put for our friend group and I should apologize of my actions. I can apologize of my last rude comments, but I just wanted that everyone is comfortable in the Lan-party. I just don't understand why everyone instantly started being so aggressive towards me and I should apologize being ungrateful? Even tho I said you guys can sit how ever you like but I kinda need the fucking hallway seat because of work. I wouldn't ask it otherwise. Am I really the biggest asshole here?
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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{ "description": "being pissed off at my deceased family member's wife because she got pregnant with another guys kid 15 days after he died", "pronormative_score": 3, "contranormative_score": 3 }
AITA for being pissed off at my deceased family member's wife because she got pregnant with another guys kid 15 days after he died?
I have a family member that passed away due to "overdose" in his 20's; which was very odd because he was adamantly against hard drugs because of his parents. He didn't even drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes, the most he did was occasionally use marijuana. He also deeply loved his wife and kids. I had talked to him a few days before he died and we were planning the upcoming holiday together. After he dies, his wife moves in this repeat felon (statutory rape, several domestic violence cases, felony child abuse/neglect, and felony possession of a firearm that I know of) and gets pregnant less than a month after his death. I keep my family member's kids on a regular basis and they tell me the felon hits their mom. She and the felon regularly threaten to disappear with the kids is anyone reports him for abusing her or possible outstanding warrants. I know people grieve in different ways, I fully expected her to move on but damn. AITA for being pissed off at her, not wanting him anywhere near my own kids, and not wanting my deceased family member's kids to be there with him? Sorry on mobile
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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anprou
{ "description": "calling out on customer service reps for giving me the runaround when I asked for a plane ticket refund I probably didn't deserve", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 1 }
AITA for calling out on customer service reps for giving me the runaround when I asked for a plane ticket refund I probably didn't deserve.
[This is the cancelation policy](https://www.edreams.com/blog/edreams-cancellation-policy/). It's not very clearly written but it seems like i probably can't get a refund since I had purchased discount tickets but decided I didn't need them at the last minute. Background: i purchased a flight ticket to fly on Air China on edreams.net instead of the Air China website. And I later decided for reasons too complex to explain that I didn't need it anymore and it's 100% my own fault. Still, I thought it probably won't hurt to try and the worst they could do is say "no". And I learned the lesson the hard way that there could be worse outcomes than "no". So i waited 10 minutes for a rep when i called edreams and he told me to call Air China. It took forever to reach a rep at Air China like an hour after waiting and trying multiple times, not to mention being dropped while waiting for 20 minutes at first. Finally when I reached a rep, she told me to call edreams. I told her that edreams sent me here but she said that there was nothing she could do, not even provide a definite answer. So i called edreams again and reached a rep in 5-10 minutes. He told me to call Air China but this time I kinda lost it after having been on hold for a total of over an hour and being told by Air China to call edreams, and it was clear i was being given the runaround. After being put on hold and arguing for another 20 minutes, the rep finally made it clear: they (edreams) cannot refund this ticket but Air China might but they have no control over whether Air China will or not. So at this point i put 2 and 2 together and got my answer: i can't get a refund for my ticket. I didn't have a problem with not getting a refund but I was extremely pissed at how difficult it was to even get a rep to tell me "no" and having to give me the runaround.
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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asg1ci
{ "description": "taking candy from my teacher's room", "pronormative_score": 4, "contranormative_score": 5 }
WIBTA if I take candy from my teacher’s room?
One of my teachers got arrested for domestic violence. We have a substitute but a lot of his things are( or were) there. A lot of students have been coming in the room and stealing his things. His laptop and IPad are gone and so are a lot of his stationary. All I want is to take some candy bars that he would keep and give to students who got A’s on their test. Now I know stealing is wrong but it’s not like he’ll ever need them again. He’s probably getting fired and will be blacklisted from every school if he doesn’t serve jail time. The substitute says he doesn’t care what happens to our teacher’s stuff as long as he doesn’t catch any of us taking anything. Would I be the asshole for taking the candy? The substitute won’t be giving tests and we’re just doing busy work until we get a new teacher so it’s not like anyone else is going to get them.
HYPOTHETICAL
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AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 4, "WRONG": 5 }
WRONG
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b26cmi
{ "description": "not respecting my girlfriend's boundary", "pronormative_score": 4, "contranormative_score": 0 }
AITA for not respecting my girlfriend’s boundary
To start, my girlfriend has Borderline Personality Disorder. Based on what she tells me about her own experiences and my own research, her BPD causes her to think in black and white about situations and with people. For example, if I do something that upsets her, she might “split”, meaning she’ll flip to not caring about me or even hating me instead of caring for and loving me like she normally would. In that state she’s either very cold, or gets very angry and can say some pretty hurtful things. Despite her splitting, I still believe she is a good person. She’s very loving and kind when she’s not in that state. She has deep empathy for other people, even the people she despises. She has a baby sister who she loves and cares for greatly, and would sacrifice anything for. She even spends her free time knitting hats for babies for charity! However, she still hates herself immensely. She believes there’s absolutely no good in her and that she is abusive to me in our relationship. She self harms to punish herself for what she has done wrong. I love her, and I want her to love herself the same that I do. I tell her on a consistent basis that she is a good person, that she deserves recovery, and does not deserve to suffer for what she has done wrong. I tell her that she has said and done hurtful things, but she deserves forgiveness because she always apologizes and tries to do the right thing afterwards. I tell her that the way she thinks about herself is unhealthy, unjustified, and is caused by her BPD and other mental health problems. I tell her that her black and white thinking applies to herself like it does to anything else. She has now told me to stop saying these things. She believes that I am lying to her and/or just wrong. She tells me that me trying to push for her to recover is creepy and not any of my business. She said that saying these things makes her very uncomfortable, and by telling her such things I am crossing a boundary. She said that if I continued to be “nice” to her she would stop contacting me. I refused to do so. I believe that validating her abusive thoughts by staying silent is wrong and neglectful. I don’t think it’s creepy to want her to recover, as I love and care for her and want to see her thrive. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with her if i thought she was a bad person or if I didn’t love her. Because of this, she’s blocked me on all platforms I have contact with her on. I am in a LDR with her, so I have no other way to reach her. I’m not sure if we’ve broken up yet, as she has blocked me in the past and has unblocked me later on. AITA for not respecting that boundary and for continuing to do something that made her uncomfortable?
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "being ungrateful to my best friend", "pronormative_score": 2, "contranormative_score": 0 }
AITA for being ungrateful to my best friend?
Throwaway account because my friend follows my main one. So a little background info, I’m kinda really shy sometimes and don’t usually speak out unless something really bothers me(I’m very confident when I’m with my friends it’s just that in front of new people I’m really awkward and shy). So our school has this French competition where students that are really good in french are chosen to have a debate over different topics and I’m really good in French but my teacher didn’t choose me. Of course I was kind of disappointed but who can blame her, I have never spoken up in her class. Here comes my best friend, who is somewhat decent in french (her words not mine), she advises me to speak with my teacher and get her to choose me. So I built up my courage and went and spoke with her and she decided to choose me. Now my friend didn’t know that my teacher chose me and went and started talking to her, trying to convince her to choose me and told the teacher to chose me over her. I mean I’m glad I have a friend that cares this much about me but at the same time I just keep thinking that she should really mind her own business since after the teacher chose me she went on spreading the news that I spoke with the teacher (I don’t mind people knowing about it but it just isn’t her place to spread my news like she always does) and I kind of feel guilty that I’m not grateful towards her. Tldr: my friend was trying to help me get into a competition but I don’t feel like it’s her place to do so. P.S: sorry for the bad English, it’s not my first language. Also please excuse the format of the text, I’m on mobile.
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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anxw8l
null
AITA?
AITA Hello reddit! I'm new here so I dont understand the rules yet so my bad if I miss any rule or something Ok so is not me but my stepmother who we will call Sm (is kinda obvious why but just in case is for stepmom).so i think that my stepmother is a asshole because she is kinda rude to me. This is some background info She has 2 kids one girl and one boy We are all teenagers (the kids including me) We Puerorican🇵🇷 She is with my dad so no LGBTQ stuff happening So i thinks she is kinda of an asshole because she is always staring me when I do something, an example that happened in the day of the post was that I wanted to eat rice and pigeon beans(puerorican dish we usually do some shit with rice) and I dont like the beans so is kinda of an issue with food. What I usually do is that i move to the side. This was what she told me *me serving me some rice* Sm:Are you going to eat it all? Me:Yeah but I'm going to separate the beans Sm:Well if you are going to eat it you will eat it all Sm:There is some rice that I did yesterday Me:[in my mind: tabien that translated is kinda like ok in a way] I usually dont fal in the house because of that reason. She sometimes talks about my mom in a bad way when she is arguing with my dad. She usually said something like Sm:oh I am not supposed to take care of a child that is not mine whole she does nothing The thing that she doesn't know is that my mom always calls me to stay with her and to spend time with her Well I can't really add more because I dont care of what she says and I forget what she says and the post is kinda long Please tell me in the comments what you think Thanks for reading my first post! Ps:if somebody makes a video out of this tell me so I can watch it!
HISTORICAL
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{ "description": "wanting to be picked up from a friends house", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 4 }
AITA for wanting to be picked up from a friends house?
I am 16 and currently have no means of getting around quickly except for being driven by my parents, today I was driven to a friend's house by my dad and I told him that "pick up is at 7:30". I really enjoy my time there and when 7:30 comes, he is nowhere to be seen. Turns out he isn't coming to pick me up because "I didnt say I wanted him to". Granted I didnt specifically say this, and I have taken lifts from other friends before when it's been confirmed I cant be picked up, but I though it would be a given to pick up your own child from an place on time. I ended up getting driven home by the friend in question. When I saw him when I got home I didnt say very nice things, but nothing I consider ott (asshole etc.) So who is the asshole here?
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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{ "description": "keeping my exes Xbox", "pronormative_score": 5, "contranormative_score": 7 }
AITA for keeping my exes Xbox
TLDR; Ex smashed my phone so I held his xbox hostage. So while we were together, my ex had lent me his Xbox so I could play games. We were together for a long time and had lived together when I was home for college. Both of our our phones were in my name and the xbox was the last gift his dead mother had given him. We broke up because he was cheating on me. I wasn't bitter (yet) so I tried to give him back his xbox, engagement ring, and his mother's earrings. He told me to keep all of it. Time passes. I start to move on. He turns violent, assaults me. Were under a 3 year contract so we go no contact but he pays half of the really high phone bill so he keeps his phone. But then he starts to be late. We get into a fight. And I dont hear from him for months. I find out when I go to get my phone from him that he doesnt have it, so I have to pay out of pocket. I find out from a mutual friend that he intentionally broke it and bragged. I dont play when it comes to money, now im bitter af. Later I find the Xbox, the last gift his mother gave him. I message him under a fake Facebook, that I will sell him his Xbox back for the amount that it cost me to replace the phone. He freaks out demands it back, because its his. Im like "no you gave it to me. I'll sell it on ebay" he never seen the xbox again, but everyone says that im the asshole. AITA
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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WRONG
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{ "description": "doing my job", "pronormative_score": 4, "contranormative_score": 0 }
AITA for doing my job?
So im assuming you all know what a repo man is. So I take vehicles that aren't getting paid for. I find this specific vehicle I been hunting for in the parking lot of a retail store, I see a lady and 2 little kids in it while I ride by, I park across the lot and watch them walk in the store, soon as they walk in, I snatch their car and take off. When they come out from grocery shopping or whatever their car is going to be gone. I do this everyday even if it's a hospital or school.
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "deleting my friends plagiarized content that he stole from me", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 1 }
AITA for deleting my friends plagiarized content that he stole from me?
Alright, this may come off as kiddish, but i still want conformation. It's more of a childish fight, so let's start at the beginning, shall we? ​ Yesterday, I made a meme that I was going to put up on my school bathroom walls, found [here](https://imgur.com/a/vk3aIk3). Now, my friend loved this idea, so we went around at lunch displaying them and putting up in the bathrooms in the boys bathrooms and on the door. I borrowed some tape from my tech theater teacher, and had to give it back after lunch. He took the papers to his next class, and told me he had them. I knew he would probably give them back, because, why not right? He texted me the next class period and said that the teacher took them and that he could probably get them back after class. I didn't care much, as I could easily print more out at home if she decided she was going to keep them. It turns out, she did, but thats not the point. he told me about this, and we laughed, and went home, as it was more of a meme than anything. ​ Flash forward to today, and I see on his SC story that he's displaying the posters I MADE and saying that he made them. I ask him to give me credit, and he doesn't. I'm kinda pissed off at him, but he have 2nd period together so I think I can get everything sorted out there. the VERY NEXY THING on his story is a [meme](https://imgur.com/a/s5OQWMw) that looks almost exactly like mine, with a caption that reads "round 2 baby" or something along those lines. I recreated it as best I could in the link above. Now a couple things about this image. The "Danny Bee-Vito" thing I asked on my [memepage](https://www.instagram.com/ymypphard.exe/) if someone could make it, as I found it funny. One of them did, and I thanked her profusely for it. Other ideas of mine, like jesus, the fire, and the vaping, were put into that. Now, this makes me mad. Not quite to the point where I wan't to delete it, but mad. I start working on the "actual round 2" in 1st period, and meet him in 2nd. I ask him if he could give me credit on the first one that I made, and he says no, because "he's the one that turned it into a meme" and not me. Now, I consider myself a hardcore memer, so I take offense to that I do a lot of crazy stuff for memes including buying an [inflatable dinosaur costume to be put on my school weekly show](https://vimeo.com/299912676)(skip to 12:09 to see the segment). But now, thats not the point. He shows off the one he made, claiming that he made it, which, technically, he did, but it upsets me even more because it's almost an exact copy of mine. He closes his computer and walks off to do something else, so I decide to dot the deed. The school has this login that you can use if you are not connected to the internet, so that you can still get schoolwork done. "Luckily", he logged in with that, so I do as well, and there is his prized possession. He made it on google docs, so it's not that hard to move it to trash, and finally delete it forever. He comes back and sees what I did, takes my phone, and throws it in the trash. The teacher is out, and we're all working on a project, as nobody really notices. He goes into the back room and sits there until almost the end of the period, until he is called to come out. In the span that he's been in there, I have made a duplicate version of his meme, because I felt bad, and didn't want to lose my friend. He says "I don't want it, I want mine." "to which I respond "it's an exact copy" He says "No it's not", to which I reply "what can I change". He hasn't responded, so IDK if thats a good or bad sign. Later, as we're about to leave, I tell him I made a 24 hour loop of Lebron James saying "wanna sprite cranberry", and usually, he'll laugh at whatever I make, but he didn't this time. I don't want to lose my friend, I just want to know, AITA? ​ TL;DR: Made a meme I was going to post around school, friend took credit for it, made another one almost exactly like it, and I deleted it.
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "having sex with married men", "pronormative_score": 9, "contranormative_score": 13 }
AITA for having sex with married men?
I know, it seems obvious, but hear me out before you decide! I'm an escort, it's a job. I don't seek out married men, they come to me. If it wasn't me it would be someone else, so why shouldn't I except their business? I provide a service and no judgement. I've had wives discover their husbands cheating and my contact info and they call or message me all sorts of vile shit, like it's my fault their relationship is broken. I didn't break it. And on their wedding day, I wasn't there and I didn't make a vow to them or anyone else. A comparison, maybe a bit silly but, would you expect a restaurant to cut off an obese person if they tried to order dessert? No, it's a business, they are there to make money not force people to make healthy choices. So, what do you think, AITA?
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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WRONG
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{ "description": "getting audibly frustrated with a coworker for his inability to do basic math", "pronormative_score": 2, "contranormative_score": 2 }
AITA for getting audibly frustrated with a coworker for his inability to do basic math?
I work as a forklift operator at a warehouse, and sometimes part of my job is replenishing pick locations with full pallets for the pickers that are working on mixed orders. Picking requires some basic math, since the picks are based on quantities in the system. Sometimes a picker might need close to a whole pallet, so it's easier for everyone if I drop the pallet off in a place they can get it, and they just put whatever they don't need back in the location. Obviously it takes some math to figure out how much you need to put back, basic subtraction. This one co-worker has a tendency to be slow and asks a lot of questions that he should really know the answer to, considering that he's been there at least a few months. By the end of the first week you should at least know the basics. I go to put the pallet in the location, since he didn't specify that he needed the whole pallet, so he stops me and seems confused, but says he might need the whole thing. He asks me how much comes in the pallet, and I tell him. He then seems more confused, so I ask him how much he needs. He needs most of the pallet, so I say I'll just drop it right there for him. Then he seems confused about how much he needs to put back. I tell him to subtract what he needs from what comes in a pallet, and to put the difference back. He just keeps asking me roundabout questions, seems more confused. That's when I started to get frustrated. I started to get pretty short with him, since I already had a bunch of people yelling at me over the radio wondering where their pallets were, and I try to explain it to him again, and he just says,"Sorry, I'm not good at math," and I said,"Well it's part of your job, and you have a calculator." I tell him exactly what to punch in the calculator, even though most people could very easily do this math mentally, and he punches it in. What he ends up with is some crazy number, and he mumbled something about multiplying it. So I take the calculator from him, do the calculation, show him what I did, and just took off. I was not very nice in the way I responded. I honestly considered telling my lead to get the Quality Control guy to check some of his orders, as I was not confident in his ability to do things properly.
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "talking back at my father", "pronormative_score": 2, "contranormative_score": 3 }
AITA for talking back at my father?
I feel this might come off as a bit immature, but here goes anyway. Firstly, I’m 18, first year at uni, and still live at home with my parents. I’d just come home from work and was studying when my dad comes storming in demanding that I do my laundry. I ask him to wait a moment, telling him I’m in the middle of studying. 10 minutes later, he comes storming again, now accusing me of “never doing things the first time [he] asks”. At that point, I try to calmly point out that that was a little hypocritical, and that were many things I’ve had to ask for repeatedly. I pull out the example of giving the cash I’d earned from tutoring and asking him to deposit the money when he gets the opportunity. In response, he kicks the plastic laundry basket in my room, breaking off the handle in frustration (I was unharmed). Turns out he used the money but was planning on paying me back with his own (which I’m totally fine with) and I tell him I totally fine with waiting. He continues to yell at me, calling me ungrateful, disrespectful and saying he’ll never forget this and I end up crying the entire night. We aren’t on speaking terms at the moment. Are these accusations true? AITA?
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{ "description": "not going to my cousin's kids birthday party because I want to avoid my Aunt", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 1 }
AITA for not going to my cousin's kids birthday party because I want to avoid my Aunt?
So today is my cousins kids birthday. My cousin and aunt invited me over to celebrate and they said they'd really like it if I could come. I have abolutely no problem with my cousin or any thing, but my aunt and I had a falling out a few months back. Basically, I had this trip to New York coming up and I was excited about it but she decided to go off on me on Facebook about how I would 'hate it' and how I shouldn't go, etc. Well, my mother in law then jumped in to defend me, saying that it's my life and I should be free to travel and live out my dreams. Well this ended in my aunt calling my mother in law trash amongst other things. My aunt then private messaged me saying how I always trash talk my parents on Facebook and that I'm all the time making stuff up about them (which is completely false, and she refuses to believe that I was emotionally abused.. Probably because she was emotionally abusive as well). She said I fake problems I don't have (talking about my anxiety that I will soon be getting treated for) and how I'm basically a horrible person who just lies about everything and how my in laws are somehow trying to brainwash and lead me in the wrong direction. I told her that I didn't want to deal the drama and that she was acting childish. So I cut off contact with her for a while. Didn't even go see her or any of that side of the family for Christmas except my parents. She then messaged me not long after that and apologized for what she had said. I said it was fine but honestly all she does is cause drama. I can't tell you the number of times her and my dad got angry at one another and cut off contact. It would be the same thing every few months. Now my aunt is trying to say she loves me and my husband and that she wants us to come to this birthday party. I told her we would try to.. But the day is here and both her and my cousin have messaged me but I have just ignored them. I don't blame my cousin or her kids but I just don't want to be around my aunt so... Am I the Asshole?
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "strolling through an open door", "pronormative_score": 2, "contranormative_score": 3 }
AITA for strolling through an open door?
So I went to the gym last week after work. After parking my car, I made my way to the entrance where the two swinging doors usually allow traffic to flow both ways. Poole here typically hold the doors for each other, and today was no exception. As I walked up, a group was leaving while a mother held the opposite door open for her child. The kid was obviously very young and could barely walk, but there was plenty of space for me to walk between the two groups. As I stepped into the lobby, I was surprised by the mother as she said in a low angry voice, “Hey that’s my baby you’re about to run over”. I smiled and replied, “I saw her, thanks”. I didn’t think much of it until she complained to one of the gym employees (who I know well and spoke to while there). I don’t want my friend at the gym have to deal with this, but at the same time I don’t think what I did was wrong. There was no chance of me bumping into anyone in that doorway, and I would never hurt a child. I feel as though I should apologize in person if I get the chance, and would probably have apologized on the spot if I hadn’t been so surprised by the hostility in her voice. Am I the asshole?
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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{ "description": "refusing to go to my cousin's 2nd baby shower", "pronormative_score": 2, "contranormative_score": 0 }
AITA for refusing to go to my cousin's 2nd baby shower?
Okay so this has been weighing on me even after having discussed it with my immediate family so there is some background to this and I am ready for the truth Reddit. I have 2 cousins whom are both pregnant and both giving birth in the spring. One is pregnant with her 2nd child and the other is having her 1st. My cousin who is having her 1st child, I have always been closer to since we were little since we were only a year apart. The other had a really tough childhood where alcohol and absent parents were involved. Since childhood however, I have not kept contact with the majority of my family except for agreeing to go to at least one family gathering a year (Christmas, thanksgiving, a birthday or something similar). I have a large extended family and do not like large gatherings so this is always stressful but still important to me that I go to at least one. ​ When my 1st cousin had her first baby, of course there was a lot of excitement and attention given as well as gifts and for a person who didn't have that kind of thing when they were younger, I understand how much it meant to her. This pregnancy however, I had heard inklings that she was requesting my 2nd cousin to share her baby shower with her but wasn't sure so I ignored it because my extended family are also gossipers and I should know better at this point. Then I get an invitation on the book of faces for my first cousins 2nd baby shower. I of course put off responding because I was irritated that she would ask for more gifts after the amount our family had given her the 1st time around and felt she was being greedy. I let my aunt who was hosting the 2nd shower know that I would not be attending. She said that was fine and would let the 1st cousin known. I then get a text from the 1st cousin asking if I was going. I apologized, stated that I wasn't able to attend but sent my love and hoped to see her soon. She then replies that she wishes she could see me more and that she doesn't even want gifts, just the opportunity to see me more. (keep in mind that we have nothing in common and little to no relationship). I explained that I am busy with work and school and that I was sorry she was upset that I couldn't attend (I knew in my head where this was going). She then rebuts that with 'I'm in school full time with one baby and another on the way... are you going to 2nd cousin's baby shower?' I just stopped the conversation after that saying that I am not going to fight with her and that I had to go to bed as it was about 10pm at this point and I have to leave for work at about 6:30am. She sent another text later that night saying that she was sorry that she didn't have any siblings and was pregnant and hormonal and wanted to reach out. I have not responded. ​ AITA for not giving in and going? I feel as though she was trying to guilt trip and manipulate by bringing up my other cousin and trying to put me in between a rock and a hard place with asking that.
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "rethinking about this relationship", "pronormative_score": 4, "contranormative_score": 0 }
AITA for rethinking about this relationship?
I’m currently in a relationship with a guy for a year. In cultural context, we don’t date for longer periods of time and move it to marriage. However recent events have made me started thinking about it. Marrying him means moving into a joint family system where you have to live with the in laws. His father is a very rude person and his mother is extremely controlling. Also their house is in remote area where facilities are limited. We talked about moving but he says he wouldn’t leave his parents alone. I had issues with it but I decided to let it go. I love him very much and I thought if he’s there, i’ll manage. My family is against this relationship and I’ve been trying to persuade them for months. This has left me very ugly on my family side too as I’m the youngest. I was okay. I do love him. Last night he told me he’s suffering from TB again. He was diagnosed three years ago too. And I felt gutted. I’m so worried about him. But a very tiny part of my heart feels sad. We were going to go for MS this year together but he can’t go. He is insisting me to go but I do not want to without him. I don’t want to leave him behind. And amidst all this, I feel like I’m losing too much of myself. Am i the asshole here for rethinking about this relationship? It’s a fleeting feeling but it keeps coming back. I wanted to have a private life with my partner and settle in Europe away from my home country. And this sometimes keep coming back that I’m changing too much of what I wanted for someone. But part of me says it’s okay to change for someone you love. I don’t know what to feel, it’s a mess.
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "accidentally breaking my friends phone", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 1 }
AITA for accidentally breaking my friends phone?
At school, my friend was annoying me at lunch. I told her to stop annoying to me, since I was trying to get some peace and quiet, and said I would kick her if she wouldn’t (in a playful way, not actually hurting her). She didn’t, and I shoved her into the wall with my foot. After, she just kind of left. After school, she told me her phone broke, and blamed me. On the walk home, she kept telling me to be mad at myself for breaking it (on accident). One of my other friends even told her stop, she was being an asshole, and that I already understood my mistake. I always told her I was willing to pay. She said she wouldn’t accept it, since SHE would feel guilty about it. A few weeks later, I still gave her the money. No thanks, but she gave me half the money back. Later, I asked her if the phone breaking still bothered her. She says a little. I start trying to compromise with her, offering to pay her, and asking what else I could do. She doesn’t even contribute to a compromise. Eventually, we settled on me doing a very important favor for her someday. She still hasn’t asked me for a favor yet. She also told everyone else, making sure to tell them that I broke her phone. Now, I keep getting “you broke her phone right?” and “aren’t you the guy who broke her phone?” When she hears people saying this, she doesn’t say that I offered to help and just agrees with them, and not standing up for me. With that in mind, AITA? You are also not allowed to have your phone on campus, and that the school won’t pay for any damages. I didn’t intend to hurt my friend or damage her property.
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "asking loved ine not to practice knive drills under specific circumstances", "pronormative_score": 2, "contranormative_score": 0 }
AITA for asking loved ine not to practice knive drills under specific circumstances?
One od my loved ones (LO) likes knives. This LO practices hand drills, with the knives, to develop dexterity. The dexterity is appreciated. However, I've requested, more than once, that these drills not be done in the kitchen or dining room using the kitchen knives or table knives whilst we are talking. I want this LO to be aware that the practice of knife handling, while conversing, could be construed as menacing if done in front of someone not in the immediate family. Today's reminder did not sit well with LO. Voices were raised somewhat. The conversation ended with "My kitchen, my rules." AITA?
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{ "description": "saying \"fuck off\" to my stepsister as a joke", "pronormative_score": 1, "contranormative_score": 2 }
AITA For saying “Fuck off” to my stepsister as a joke
Now I know how the title sounds but here me out I am 15 while she is 16 going on 17 Me: XYZai Stepsister: Murphy not her real name Stepmom: GT We make offensive joke with each other all the time, we game with each other and generally get along pretty well. We don’t talk much nowadays but when we do we usually joke and get along One day in school I was walking near her, she was walking near me and I jokingly say “Fuck off” After school she didn’t say anything to me or give off any signs that I offended her, we even talked like we usually do. Up until this point, GT tells me that she was actually very hurt from what I said to her. I asked her why she didn’t tell me this herself, and she didn’t answer. I’m really upset she told her this as this isn’t the first time she’s done something like this 1. She made me stop watching creepy-pastas because She was scared 2. She slapped me when I was 12 for cursing 3. She would always get mad at me when I would drink milk because of her cereal I feel like she should’ve told me she didn’t like it because I’m not a mind reader So Reddit AITA? And what should I do to fix things
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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{ "description": "wanting to move my family to the Rocky mountains away from my so family", "pronormative_score": 2, "contranormative_score": 1 }
AITA for wanting to move my family to the Rocky mountains away from my So family
So I've been in a relationship with this girl for over a year and everything is going good we have a little boy that was unexpected but we've been holding very strong I've been in military I'm getting out soon and before I joined i lived in Colorado and I've been stationed in Colorado. Well we met here in CO when she was just getting out of a bad marriage like really bad and I lost my fiancee back in 2016 to a car accident and we comforted each other and when she finally left her abusive husband we started dating and soon after she got pregnant so when I left for the military and to Afghanistan she moved to TX to be with her mom dad and sister while I was away her ex made her leave texas in 24hrs last time to move to CO and she wasnt allowed to say goodbye. Now we always talked about moving back to the Rockies either CO or Montana. I love the mountains just the area is my dream home I've never been more active in my life and I've met a lot of lifelong friends. Our plan was at first to stay in Texas while I get financially situated and we save enough to buy a house in the Rockies. Originally we agreed to spend 2-3 years but then she told me she wants to stay and keep our son close to her family which is fair but I hate Texas I've been there before and i dont like the nature and i just dont fit in I've expressed my dislike of the lone star state before and while we dated so now its moved to stay there for 5 years but she wants to stay indefinitely I've tried to say we could take vacations to see her parents or be willing to do anything to compromise but I dont want to hurt her. She says just give it a chance and I'll try but I've lived in the south almost my whole life and hated it pretty much the whole time. When I moved to the Rockies it was like I found my home I even had a nice house and good job in Hawaii and i just couldn't be happy unless i was in my snowy mountains.
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 1, "OTHER": 1, "EVERYBODY": 0, "NOBODY": 1, "INFO": 0 }
AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 2, "WRONG": 1 }
RIGHT
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{ "description": "being mad at my parents after they take away my switch for a month", "pronormative_score": 3, "contranormative_score": 3 }
AITA for being mad at my parents after they take away my switch for a month?
I just found out that my parents aren’t letting me have my switch until my school presentation is done in about a month. I am 16, I paid for the switch, and there was no warning. I just woke up to this. Am I the asshole?
HISTORICAL
{ "AUTHOR": 3, "OTHER": 1, "EVERYBODY": 0, "NOBODY": 2, "INFO": 3 }
AUTHOR
{ "RIGHT": 3, "WRONG": 3 }
RIGHT