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SCENE: Neverland. Present day. David, Emma, Hook, and Mary Margaret range the woods searching for Henry as they walk single file. Mary Margaret leads the way. [SCENE_BREAK] David: (Panting) Hey, need a break? Mary Margaret: No, I'm good. David: Are you sure? You shouldn't overtax yourself. Mary Margaret: Sounds like you need a break. David: No, no. I'm good. Mary Margaret: David Nolan let himself go. David: Does he look like he'd let himself go? Regina: How much further? (Looking around) Emma: (Taking a look on the map) We should be getting closer. Pan's there. (They are catching up with David and Mary Margaret.) We are on a straight line course. (Looking on the map and frowning) Son of a bitch! How is it now behind us? Mary Margaret: How can that be? Regina: You got us lost. Hook (Holding a lamp) No, she didn't. It's the camp. Pan's moving it. David: He's got a playing trait on his soul. Emma: If Pan's camp keeps moving how are we ever gonna find Henry? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present day.Henry Mills sleeps under a tree. Someone cuckoos from behind. [SCENE_BREAK] Peter Pan: Wake up. I got you (He throws an apple towards Henry.) Henry: (sitting up) I don't like apples. Peter Pan: Who doesn't like apples? Henry: It's a family thing. Peter Pan: (smiles) Don't worry. (He crouches down to be at eye level with Henry.) They're not for eating. It's for a kind of game. A really fun game. (aiming with a cross bow) I call it target practice. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Present day. The Dark Castle. Neal is looking for something in a wardrobe. Robin Hood and Mulan are watching him. [SCENE_BREAK] Mulan: You found the crystal ball. What else are you looking for? Neal: It showed me where Emma is, not how to get her. Robin Hood: I'm not sure you can find a horse in there, mate. Neal: I don't need a horse. I need a portal. A way to create a portal. Robin Hood: Why don't you calm down and tell me what the problem is. Perhaps I can assist. Neal: Henry is trapped in Neverland with Peter Pan who's hands-down the nastiest person I've ever met. Mulan: I saw Emma in this ball. Not Henry. Neal: Listen, I was in Neverland. Pan was looking for a boy. A specific boy. I know he had some picture of him on a scroll. He called him the truest believer. Mulan: And you believe that to be Henry? Neal: It has to be. That's the only reason Emma would be in Neverland. Help me look. Lots of things make portals. Beans. Magic mirrors. Ruby slippers. Some kind of ashes. (Startled by the noise Little John and two Merry Men enter the room.) Little John: What the hell was that? Robin Hood: Stand down, Little John, we're fine. (From behind a young boy regards the proceeding with curiosity and approaches Robin Hood. Robin scoops his son up) Neal (smiles) Who's this? Robin Hood: Merry man come at all seizes. This is my son. Roland. Neal: I know how to get to Neverland. I know how to get to Henry. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present day. [SCENE_BREAK] Emma: So, this whole track has been for nothing? Regina: I told you walking was idiotic. I suggest using magic. We can materialize in the camp and grab Henry. Mary Margaret: We don't know where the camp is. Have you even been listening? Hook: Pan'll have shields against magic, I fear. Such an attempt would end in your death and more importantly, mine. That's why we are walking. Regina: Well then, what's your idea? How are we going to find it? Hook: By using someone he trusts. David: Who? Cause I guess, he certainly doesn't trust you. Hook: A fairy who lived here when I was about. She might still be on the island. She'd be an inside source, knows all about the camp, can get us in. She might even have some pixie dust left. Perhaps we could fly in. Emma: You mean fairy dust. David: No, pixie dust. It's stronger. Like nuclear fairy dust. Emma: Wait. A fairy? Tinker Bell? Hook: Do you know her? Emma: Every kid in the world knows her. Regina: That's a bad idea. Mark my words: This Tinker Bell is not going to save us. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past. Dark Palace. Regina enjoys her supper. Magically, Rumplestiltskin appears, sitting opposite to Regina at the far side of the table. [SCENE_BREAK] Rumplestiltskin: I thought you were dead. Regina (flinches a little): Go away. Rumplestiltskin: When you didn't show up for your lessons today, I assumed you went toes up. And yet, here you are. (Standing up, taking a closer look at the offered food) Roast Swan. (giggles) That's amusing. (Regina looks confused but he makes a dismissive gesture) You'll get that later. Regina: I'm not sure about these lessons anymore. I don't wanna have a future that looks like- Rumplestiltskin: Like what? Regina: Like you. Rumplestiltskin: Feeling a little pesky, could it all be, your Majesty? Regina: Why shouldn't I? I'm the queen, but practically a prisoner. With a husband whose heart is still with his dead wife and his insipid daughter. It's intolerable. Nothing to do and nowhere to go. (sighs) I need freedom. I need options. (standing up) Rumplestiltskin: Ah, can't be done. You see, this is how it is. You think you're the diner at the feast, tasting the offerings. A little love. A little darkness. What you don't realize is, you are the feast. And the darkness has tasted you. Regina: You're vile. Leave my home. Rumplestiltskin: The darkness likes how you taste, dearie. It doesn't mind the bitter. And now that it started the meal it's gonna finish it. You can no more fly from your fate that can that (he gestures towards a roasted swan he noticed earlier standing on the table) swan. See you tomorrow. Don't be late. Oh, and bring that simmering rage. It's all you have. (he leaves the same way he has come) (Alone, Regina walks through her room stopping to look down into the castle's courtyard.) Regina: (forcefully slamming against the parapet) I just need- (Suddenly, the parapet breaks and Regina loses her balance. Screaming she falls towards the ground. A cloud of green fairy dust appears underneath Regina and her fall comes to a halt) Pull me down. What are you doing? Tinker Bell: Giving you a second chance. (Using her wand she lifts Regina up again) Regina: Who are you? Tinker Bell: I'm Tinker Bell. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past. Someone is riding past a tavern. Tinker Bell and Regina share a drink. [SCENE_BREAK] Tinker Bell: Snow White, that's her name? Even I think that's a bit precious and mind, mine is Tinker Bell. Regina: She's a monster. Totally indulgent and adored. She sort of ricochets through life telling people's secrets. She had my fiance killed. Tinker Bell: (slightly shocked) No. Regina: The only way I can get through it is when she and the king are gone all the time. Tinker Bell: You're glad your husband is gone? Regina: It's not a marriage. It's a farce. I maybe the queen. (leaning closer) But alone in this palace I feel like the queen of nothing. Tinker Bell: No wonder you jumped. Regina: I didn't jump. I fell. Tinker Bell: Right, (clears throat) you fell. Regina: I did. If I hadn't-. Well, cheers to good reasons. (They clink cups) Tinker Bell: You know, I've got an idea. I can help people find what they need, Regina. Regina: And what do I need? Tinker Bell: You don't even know? That's so sad. Regina, love. You need love. Regina: You're gonna help me find another soulmate? Tinker Bell: It is possible to find love again. I've never seen pixie dust fail. It will find you your perfect match. If you let it, you'll find your happy ending. Regina: My happy ending looks like Snow's head on a plate. Tinker Bell: No. Aren't you at least curious? What, if I can do what I say? Regina: (doubtful): Well, then, let's say that 'll be real magic. Tinker Bell: I'm a fairy. You might wanna try believing in me. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present day. Sweeting Regina dabs her forehead using a small cloth. She's unaware that the cloth falls to the ground as Regina tries to stuff it into her pocket again. Regina walks on. Tinker Bell quickly sneaks in and picks up the cloth. Catching up with the rest of the group Regina approaches Emma. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: Emma. There is another way. Emma: Is there? Regina: Magic. Emma: Didn't we just go through this? Regina: I'm not talking about my magic. I'm talking about ours. Emma: I'm not interested. One thing I've learned is, it always comes with a price. Regina: Sometimes not using it comes with a price to. I bet you and I combined are strong enough to overpower Pan. Emma: What if we're not? I'm not taking a chance on that. We're talking about Henry's life. Regina: I'm aware of that. Emma: Look, I know you don't like this plan. Let's just see it through. At least, we can see if we find Tinker Bell. Regina: Do you think it's the best plan because your boyfriend came up with it? Emma: My boyfriend? Hook? What's your problem? Mary-Margaret: She just lost Neal. Regina: I'm sorry. I'm just worried about Henry. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present day. Pan's camp. Pan souses an arrow into a bottle. Henry joins him. [SCENE_BREAK] Henry: What's that? Peter Pan: Dreamshade. A nasty poison. I've heard a story about a man who once shot an apple off his son's head with an arrow. (preparing the crossbow for shooting) Let's find out if this is possible. Henry: If you're shooting the apple what's the poison for? Peter Pan: A motivation not to miss. (playfully he aims with the crossbow) Felix. Get over here. Henry: Is Felix good? Is his aim good? Peter Pan: Doesn't matter. You're the one doing the shooting. Henry: I don't wanna shoot. Lost Boys: (chanting) Shoot. Shoot. Shoot. Peter Pan: You won't hit him. Trust yourself. Go on. (Felix places an apple on his head.) It's exhilarating. Lost Boys: (chanting) Shoot. Shoot. Shoot. (Finally Henry aims at the apple. Suddenly he changes his target, loosing the arrow at Peter Pan. Peter Pan catches the arrow midair.) Peter Pan: Told you it was exhilarating. Come on, I have something to show you. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present day. The group continues on their way searching for Pan. Hook stops David in order to talk to him. [SCENE_BREAK] Hook: So you're gonna tell her? David: Tell her what? Hook: I saw what happened to you, mate. Let me see. (Looking around David lifts his shirt a little. Black veins spread all around the cut.) David: The arrow only nicked me. Hook: I'm sorry, mate. David: Do you know how long? Hook: Days. Weeks at most. You won't see summer. It's really bad, mate. You might want to tell her. David: No. Hook: Well, you have to. David: Maybe I don't. Hook: How's that? David: Pixie dust. You believe in this Tinker Bell's power? In her pixie dust? Hook: Indeed, I do. David: Then let's get her and that dust. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past. Regina and Tinker Bell are leaving the tavern. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: You really think, this will make me happy? Tinker Bell: I know it will. (Church bells can be heard.) I'm late. I have to go. See you soon. (Tinker Bell leaves vanishing into the sky) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past. The refuge of the fairies. Tinker Bell enters. She carefully approaches a green blossom. The blossom opens and reveals the Blue Fairy inside. [SCENE_BREAK] Blue Fairy: Good evening, Green. Tinker Bell: Hey Blue. You look amazing. Did you do something to your- Blue Fairy: (interrupting Tinker Bell) You're late. You've already broken every rule in the book. Curfew. Dust discipline. You got big for no reason. Tinker Bell: Listen. I have news. Amazing news. I was helping someone. A queen in the Enchanted Forest. Regina. Blue Fairy: Do you know who she is? Her mother was Cora. The one who ripped out hearts. Her teacher is the Dark One. Tinker Bell: So? Blue Fairy: So consider yourself lucky you're still alive. (sighs) Green, this is not a woman you can help. She is surrounded by darkness. Tinker Bell: Sounds to me like she's exactly someone who could use help. Maybe if you let me have some pixie dust. Blue Fairy: Not a chance. You fly away from this one, Green. Tinker Bell: My name isn't Green. It's Tinker Bell. And I can't believe you want me to ignore someone who needs help. It's not very fairy-like. Blue Fairy: (angry) I would be the judge of what is fairy-like. Tinker Bell: But I- Blue Fairy: No discussion. Until further notice you are to remain here and continue your training under my direct supervision. Understood? Tinker Bell: Yes, Blue. (Blue Fairy exits. After a moment Tinker Bell decides to fly off again.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Present day. Dark Castle. Neal and Robin Hood discuss Neal's plan. [SCENE_BREAK] Robin Hood: (worried) Are you out of your mind? He's four years old. Neal: The shadow won't touch him, I promise. Robin Hood: How do you know that? Neal: Because I've done that before. It was what took me to Neverland as a kid. All Roland has to do is summon it. That's it. I'll take it from there. I'll be the one going to Neverland. Not him. Robin Hood: (worried) At best, my toddler is a bait. At worst something goes wrong and a demonic shadow carries him through a portal to the nastiest person you've ever met. Neal: Look, Robin. I have to get there. Robin Hood: (sighs) I lost my wife a while back. For that we almost didn't have Roland. She was so sick. Now, she's gone. He's all I have. I can't lose him. Neal: So you know how I feel. I need my boy. And Emma. They're all I have. Robin Hood: (angry) So, because I know what it is to value family, I should risk mine? Neal: When she was sick, your wife, how did she live so that she could have your boy? Robin Hood: You know how. Neal: My father. He saved her. And your son. Robin Hood: (visible feeling uneasy) Ah. (turning away) Right. (facing Neal again) Once. He stands at the window. He calls out once. That doesn't take, that' s it. No second chance. Neal: You've got to understand this is my second chance. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present day. [SCENE_BREAK] Emma: Hey. Regina: (shrugs) Hey. Emma: You're falling behind. Hook thinks her place is right up ahead. Come on. Regina: Well, if she still lives there. You go waste your time searching. I'll wait. Emma: (frowning) What did you do to her? Regina: What? Why would you assume I did something? Emma: You've met her before, right. In the Enchanted Forest. What did you do? Kill her brother? Steal her halo? Regina: She's not an angel. Okay, we have a complicated history. Emma: I knew it. Regina: You don't need to know all the details. But if she sees me she won't help. And if she's the way in, well then, trust me, my staying out of her sight is probably best for Operation Henry. Emma: Operation Henry? Regina: That's what I've been calling it in my head because- Emma: He'd call it that. Regina: He'd have a better name. But, it's the best I can do. Emma: Okay. We'll get her and I'll come get you. Regina: No, don't bother. It's better if we never see one another. And if you don't find her, keep going. Just get Henry. Don't worry about Tinker Bell. Emma: What the hell did you do to her? Regina: (sighs and slightly shakes her head) What I always do. (Emma walks away) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past. Dark Palace. Regina writes a letter. Tinker Bell joins her. [SCENE_BREAK] Tinker Bell: Wanna fly? Regina: (excited) You've got it? Tinker Bell: And then some. Let's get started. Helping you find your happiness, saving you that's what's gonna to save me. Regina: This isn't your pixie dust, is it? Tinker Bell: Oh, when you think about it, does anyone really own pixie dust? Regina: The fairies are quite votary about it. They'll find out you stole it. Tinker Bell: Don't worry about me. This is about you. (Tinker Bell applies pixie dust to Regina. As a result, Regina glows greenish.) Come on. (Using her wand she lifts Regina up and together they fly out of the window.) Now, watch. (Tinker Bell applies some pixie dust to the air. After a moment a broad green trail forms leading somewhere distant.) Regina: What's that? Tinker Bell: That's your happy ending. He's down there. (They both fly along the glowing trail.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past. Tinker Bell and Regina walk in an alleyway. They stop outside of a bar. [SCENE_BREAK] Tinker Bell: Inside here, lies the beginning of your happiness. All the pain in your past will be just that. The past. (Tinker Bell walks to a window.) Regina: I just need a moment. Tinker Bell: You're nervous. I get it. But look! (With his back turned to them a man is sitting inside. Tinker Bell notices that he glows greenish, too.) There he is. (Regina steps in to take a look at him herself. The man raises his right arm so that a waitress can refill his cup. A lion tattoo can be seen on his right arm.) The guy with the lion tattoo. Regina: (doubtful) That's him? Tinker Bell: Pixie dust doesn't lie. Come on, this is your chance of love and happiness. A fresh start. No baggage. You can let go off all the anger that weighs you down. Now, get him. Regina: (takes a deep breath) Okay. Okay, I can do this. I can be happy. Tinker Bell: I know you can. Go. (Tinker Bell leaves.) (Regina hesitates a moment longer. Then she opens the door. The man with the lion tattoo rejoices with a group of other men, sharing a drink with them. Regina watches the scene for a moment. She then decides to slam the door shut and hurriedly flees the scene in fear) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present day. Regina is alone. Rustling can be heard. Regina stands up. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: Let's get this over with, shall we? (Tinker Bell emerges from the bushes) Tinker Bell: A complicated history, that's how you call it? That's quite a diplomatic way of describing it. Regina: You look terrible. Tinker Bell: You're trying to provoke me? Regina: Come on and get me, Tinker Bell. Tinker Bell: You think you're so smart, but you're all gonna fail. (She blows poppy dust into Regina's face. Regina falls asleep.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present day. Tinker Bell's hideout. Hook enters. [SCENE_BREAK] Hook: No one's home. Come on up. David: Where would it be? (looking for fairy dust) Hook: She won't leave dust just lying around, mate. It's not here, I promise. I'm sorry. (Emma enters.) Emma: It's pretty bare. Reminds me of some place. I thought a tree house would be more cheerful. Where I used to live. That's it. Mary Margaret: Because it's just a place to sleep. Emma: What would you know about that? Mary Margaret: I didn't always have a canopy bed in a palace. I had a place like this, too. Once. Emma: You did? Mary Margaret: A tree stump. When I was running from the Queen. Believe it or not, I understand this Tinker Bell. The true question is: Why does she have a ladder? Fairies have wings. David: Guys, I've found something. It's a handkerchief. Mary Margaret: That's Regina's. How did it get here? Emma: She's been tracking us, watching Regina. Mary Margaret: But, if she's been watching her- Hook: We're in the wrong place. David: Regina. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present day. Regina is tied up. Groaning she awakes. [SCENE_BREAK] Tinker Bell: About time you woke up. I've been looking forward to this chat for quite some time. Regina: Look, you don't know why I'm here. Tinker Bell: Oh, I know exactly why you're here. You're trying to find your son. Regina: I take it by the restraints you're not helping. Tinker Bell: Hell, no. You're the last person I'd ever help after how you burned me. Regina: Burned you? You're the one who interfered in my life. (Slowly rights herself.) Tinker Bell: And threw away my own in the process. Regina: So, what do you want from me? To kill me? You think it's that easy? Whatever you knocked me out with I can tell it's not magic. Maybe poppies. But they're wearing off. And since you had to resort to that, it only means one thing. (Standing up.) You don't have magic. But I do. (She uses magic to break the rope. Tinker Bell approaches Regina holding an arrow in her hands.) Tinker Bell: Yeah, I know. But even your magic can't stop this. Have you ever heard of dreamshade? Regina: Yes. Tinker Bell: Good. Regina: How the hell did you get like this? Tinker Bell: I met you. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past. Dark Palace. Regina is in bed. Tinkerbell visits Regina. [SCENE_BREAK] Tinker Bell: How did it go? Regina: (shrugs) Eh, it was- Tinkerbell: What happened? I don't understand, you're not glowing with new love. You should be glowing. Regina: Because it didn't work. The pixie dust. It was wrong. I went in and met him and he was awful. He was just awful. Tinkerbell: Are you sure you went to the right man? Regina: Yes, the one with the lion tattoo. That wasn't the problem. Tinker Bell: What was? Regina: You. Tinker Bell: Me? Regina: Yes, you. You're a terrible fairy. Tinker Bell: You didn't go in, did you? Regina: How dare you? Tinker Bell: It's okay. You were afraid. Regina: I'm not afraid of anything. I can't believe I let you distract me. Tinker Bell: No. Don't do it. What you need is love. (Regina shakes her head.) Regina: I had love and he's dead. And I suffered. And what you've send me to do wasn't gonna change that! Tinker Bell: What about me? I stole for you and for nothing. I'm in big trouble. Regina: As I said you're a terrible fairy. Tinker Bell: I thought we were friends. Regina: I don't have friends. Fly away, moth. Don't let the doors catch your wings on the way out. [SCENE_BREAK] Neverland. Present day. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: Okay, you wanna kill me? I can make it easier. (Regina rips out her own heart.) Tinker Bell: What do you- Regina: You wanna kill me? Don't let the poison do it. You should do it. Go ahead. Crush it. Tinker Bell: You think I won't take it? Regina: No, I'm counting on it. Show me, who you are, Tinkerbell. Tinker Bell: Gladly. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past. Tinkerbell leaves the Dark Palace heading home. [SCENE_BREAK] Blue Fairy: Stop! You stole that dust. Tinker Bell: I know. I thought I needed it to prove to you that I was a good fairy. Blue Fairy: You could have proven hat by being a good fairy. By listening to me. Tinker Bell: I was following my instincts. Blue Fairy: Which are so far from being correct. (sighs) This can't be forgiven. Tinker Bell: Wait. Wait. Everyone deserves a second chance. We always tell people that. Blue Fairy: But, Tinkerbell, this was your second chance. Tinker Bell: Please. I promise. I'm so sorry. Blue Fairy: You betrayed my trust. Tinker Bell: I can regain it. Give me a chance. Blue Fairy: You can't. For one simple, tragic reason: I no longer believe in you. (Tinker Bell's wings disappear and she helplessly falls to the ground. Blue flies off.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present day. Tinkerbell squeezes Regina's heart. [SCENE_BREAK] Tinker Bell: Do you know what you've cost me? (Tinkerbell turns around so that Regina is able to see her back.) Regina: (gasps) Your wings. Tinker Bell: Why? Regina: Why what? Why did I hand over my heart? Tinker Bell: No. Why did you lie? Because I've been over a million times and that spell worked. You never went in. It's the only explanation. Why couldn't you just go through that door and meet your soulmate? Was being happy such a terrible fate? Regina: Yes. Yes, it was. You're right. I never went in. I was afraid. I didn't- You said I can let go off the anger that was weighting me down and suddenly it felt like - without it- I would just flood away. That anger was all I had. What would I be without it? Tinker Bell: Happy. Regina (shakes her head) Weak. Tinker Bell: And look, what good it did you. The strength you gained. Because I'm holding your heart in my hand and I'm not hearing one reason not to squeeze it into ash. Regina: Alright, you wanna a reason? Here you go. You think I was afraid? You think I did the wrong thing? Well, Fairy, right now you're making the same choice. I picked revenge over hope and you're holding the result. (forcing Tinkerbell to take a closer look at her heart) A small, hard, dark heart. If you make the same choice I did, then what you're looking at is your own future. I'm not gonna tell you what to do. The choice is yours. Kill me or act like the fairy you are. Tinker Bell: You said I was a terrible fairy. Regina: Well then, prove me wrong. Pick hope over anger. Choose love and help me get my son back. Tinker Bell: You love your son? Regina: Very much. With Henry I've finally got something right. Don't you wanna be able to say the same thing? Tinker Bell: It's too late for me. Regina: Only if you kill me. Tinker Bell: I won't kill you. But I won't help you either. Besides, it's probably too late. He's been with him too long. (She hands the heart back to Regina) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present day. Pan's camp. Pan watches a group of Lost Boys then turns around to talk to Henry. [SCENE_BREAK] Peter Pan: Look at the fun they are having. The thing with this place, Henry, is that no one tells you no. You can do as you want. Henry: Do they never hurt themselves? Peter Pan: All the time. Sometime I had four boys with missing fingers. Cost of the game. They don't mind. Henry: I don't belong here. Peter Pan: Actually, you do. We've been waiting for you a very long time, Henry. Long before you were even born. Henry: I don't believe that. Peter Pan: You should. This place runs on imagination. On believe. But your world stopped believing. Magic is dying and you, Henry, need to save it. Henry: In my world, you mean? Peter Pan: In every world. You need to bring it back. That's your destiny. To return the magic. To be the savior. Henry: My mum Emma is the Savior. Not me. Peter Pan: She broke some curse, yeah. (Henry looking at him questioningly) Oh, I know more than you think. But what if breaking the curse wasn't the thing that made her the savior. What if having you was. Think about it. You both descend from the greatest of light and of dark. Believing that's a coincidence that the sprout of the Dark One met your mother? You were created for a reason and I can help you find it. Henry: So you're thinking I'm supposed to save magic. Peter Pan: I'm not thinking. I believe. Remember, I've said I've something to show you. (hands Henry a scroll) Here. I had this for a very long time. Long before you were even thought about. Take a look and you'll know why I'm so sure you're the hero magic has been waiting for. (Henry takes the scroll and without taking a look at it he drops it to the ground) Henry: I don't believe you. Peter Pan: You remind me of your father. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Present day. Dark Castle. Neal, Mulan and Robin Hood prepare for summoning Pan's shadow. [SCENE_BREAK] Mulan: I'll be right here next to the window. Robin, behind the table. Neal, you need to be there, under the sill. You'll come up right under the shadow. Robin Hood: That's a good plan. Mulan: I know. (Neal and Robin shift a piece of furniture under the sill) Neal: Hood. Man, thanks again. Robin Hood: Thank me when your family is back together. (Neal shrugs) What? Neal: I'm gonna save them. But back together - we'll see. Robin Hood: I thought you said you loved them. Neal: I do. But we shall see if I can win her back. Mulan: Why wouldn't you? Neal: Cause I screwed up the first time. Hopefully, I'll get another chance. When Emma told me that she loved me I waited way too long before I said I felt the same. I won't make that same mistake again. Mulan: I'm sure she'll forgive you. Neal: I hope so. I've learned that lesson the hard way. When you love someone you don't keep it in. You say it. (The door opens and Little John enters the room holding Roland in arms) Little John: You're ready? Robin Hood: I suppose. Come here, little man. (He scoops Roland up, carefully letting him down to the floor.) Ok. (Robin Hood then crouches down to be at eye level with his son)Now, Daddy's gonna be right there (indicating the table to Roland) Okay? It might be loud but nothing's gonna hurt you. Do you understand? (Roland nods) You remember what you'll have to say? Roland: Yeah. I'll say - Robin: No. Mulan: No, no. Not yet. Not yet. Neal: Wait. Wait. Mulan: Positions. Robin: Okay (He hugs his son, crouching behind the table Robin takes a deep breath) Okay, Roland. Say it. Roland: I believe. (Nothing happens) Neal: Maybe if he says it again. Just once more. Robin: (walking over to his son) No, I'm sorry, mate, that's it. (Suddenly the window opens and Pan's Shadow enters the room. Robin Hood steps in to take his son out of the shadow's reach. The shadow tries to seize Roland by the hand) Roland: No! Robin Hood: Hey! Mulan: I got him (She wields her sword towards the shadow. As the shadow is hurt it retreats) Neal, go! (Neal leaps out of the window. He's able to get hold of Pan's shadow) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Present day. Dark Castle. Robin Hood watches his sleeping son. Mulan joins him. [SCENE_BREAK] Mulan: Is he alright? Robin Hood: Yes. Thank you, Mulan. I owe you much. He doesn't have a scratch on him. Mulan: I planned it that way. Robin Hood: So, what now for you? What will you do? If you'd cared to put your considerable skills to use there's a place for you among my Merry Man. You'd be the first woman. I hope that's not deterrent. Mulan: I've been in that position before. Robin Hood: Is that a ‚yes'? Mulan: I'm honored. But, there's someone I need to talk to before it's too late. Robin Hood: (nods) A loved one. Mulan: We shall see. [SCENE_BREAK] The Enchanted Forest. Present day. Aurora is working in the gardens. After a while she becomes aware of Mulan standing there. [SCENE_BREAK] Aurora: Mulan? (Mulan smiles) How long have you been there? What are you doing? (Aurora approaches Mulan) Mulan: I'm just gathering my courage. (she walks over to Aurora) Aurora: What' going on? (smiling) I'm so glad you're back. Mulan: Is Phillip here? Aurora: No. Shall I go get him? Mulan: No. That's unnecessary. It's you I wanna to talk to. You see, I- Why do you keep smiling at me? Aurora: I can tell you're bursting with news but so am I. Mulan: You are? Aurora: Phillip and I are expecting a baby. Mulan: (takes a moment to regain her smile) That's excellent news. (Aurora hugs her) Aurora: It's like a dream coming true. Now, please, please tell me your news. Mulan: I'm joining Robin Hood's band. Aurora: (shocked) What? You're leaving us? Mulan (nods). Yes. Afraid so. Good bye. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present day. [SCENE_BREAK] Emma: Where's Regina? Tinker Bell: Who the hell are you? Emma: A pissed off mother. Where is she? Regina: I'm fine. Tinker Bell: Do you mind removing those? You might stick me. But I'll take you down. Regina: It's okay. She's not gonna hurt us. Just stand down. Hook: Is she going to help us? Tinker Bell: Well, look who the queen dragged along. Hello Hook. Hook: Lady Bell. Regina: She's not gonna help us. Emma: Why not? Hook: Tink, after all we've been through together (shrugs) A little assistance. Regina: She doesn't have any magic. David: No pixie dust? Regina: Not even her wings. Emma: How? Tinker Bell: I guess people just stopped believing in me. And even if I would have helped you he's too powerful. Mary Margaret: But you know where Pan is? Tinker Bell: Sure. But it won't do you a bit of good. Mary Margaret: Let us be the judge of that. Does he trust you? Emma: Can you get us inside his camp and out? Tinker Bell: Maybe. Why should I help you? Mary Margaret: Because I believe in you. Emma: Just get us inside. We'll take care of things from there. Tinker Bell: And what's in there for me? Other than a dead sentence from Pan when you're gone with your boy. Emma: You can come with us. Mary Margaret: That's right. A home. That is what you want, isn't it? Tinker Bell: Okay. Listen closely. Pan trusts me. He'll let me in. And maybe, just maybe I'll leave a way open for you. But you'll only get one shot. So you'd better have a good plan. Emma: Thank you. We will. Mary Margaret: Come with us to our camp. We'll figure it out. (The group leaves but David lingers a bit longer. Mary Margaret approaches him) Hey. Are you alright? You look upset. David: Yeah. I just wanna get Henry back. Mary Margaret: We're on the way. David: How did you know that would work? Offering her a home? Mary Margaret: It worked for me. When I was a bandit living alone all I wanted was a home. The thing is I never found it till you came along. Even now, when I'm with you that's all I need. (David nods) You're sure you're okay? David: I love you. (They kiss) Mary Margaret: Come on, there's no need we get us lost in here. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present day. Pan's camp. Henry picks up the scroll Pan has given to him earlier and takes a closer look at it. The scroll illustrates a detailed draft of Henry. A disturbing sound can be heard in the distance. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present day. Somewhere on the island Pan's Shadow drops Neal to the ground. Felix emerges from the bushes. [SCENE_BREAK] Felix: Welcome home, Baelfire. Pan will be so happy to see you. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present day. Emma, Hook, David and Mary Margaret sit together by a fire. Hook hands Emma a coconut he'd opened. In the distance Regina leans against a tree. [SCENE_BREAK] Emma: Thanks. (Tinker Bell walks over to Regina and sits down by her side) Tinker Bell: Did you ever go back and find him? The man with the lion tattoo? Regina: No. Tinker Bell: Unreal. Do you know how selfish that is? Regina: It's a lot of things. But how is it selfish? Tinker Bell: Because you didn't just ruin your life. You ruined his. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Robin Hood and his Merry Men sit by a fireplace. One Merry Man leads Mulan to the group. Robin Hood stands up approaching her. [SCENE_BREAK] Robin Hood: (shaking her hand) Welcome. (For a few seconds the camera focusses on his arm revealing a lion tattoo. Both, he and Mulan sit down by the fire)

Plan: A: Peter Pan's; Q: Whose hideout are they trying to find? A: Henry, Hook; Q: Who suggests tracking down Tinker Bell? A: his camp; Q: What does Hook hope Tinker Bell will lead them to? A: Neverland; Q: Where does Peter Pan live? A: the Enchanted Forest; Q: Where does Neal have a plan to transport himself to Emma? A: Robin Hood's; Q: What is the name of the person who has a precious possession? A: the Fairy Tale Land; Q: Where does Tinker Bell offer to help Regina? A: her life; Q: What does Tinker Bell offer to help Regina improve? Summary: In their continuing quest to find Peter Pan's hideout and save Henry, Hook suggests tracking down Tinker Bell in the hope that she will lead them straight to his camp. Pan reveals to Henry why he has brought him to Neverland and in the Enchanted Forest, Neal has a plan that could transport him to Emma, but it would involve using one of Robin Hood's most precious possessions. Meanwhile, in the Fairy Tale Land that was, Tinker Bell offers to help Regina improve her life.

EXT. CHANCERY STREET Martha Jones is walking along Chancery Street on her way to the hospital in the morning. She's listening to the radio, and the announcer is saying: "What can happen on an average beautiful day, you never know. Celebrate seasonal changes...On a beautiful sunny day." Her phone rings. MARTHA: You're up early! What's happening? INT. TISH'S BEDROOM TISH: It's a nightmare, because Dad won't listen, and I'm telling you, Mum is going mental. Swear to God, Martha, this is epic. You've got to get in there and stop him. EXT. CHANCERY STREET MARTHA: How do I do that? INT. TISH'S BEDROOM TISH: Tell Dad he can't bring her! EXT. CHANCERY STREET MARTHA (her phone rings again): Hold on, that's Leo. I'll call you back. INT. LEO'S BEDROOM LEO (taking clothes from his cupboard): Martha, if Mum and Dad start to kick off, tell them I don't even want a party. I didn't even ask for one. They can always give me the money instead. EXT. CHANCERY STREET MARTHA: Yeah, but why do I have to tell them? Why can't you? (Her phone rings). Hold on, that's Mum. I'll call you back. INT. LEO'S BEDROOM Leo lowers the phone and sighs, exasperated. INT. FRANCINE'S KITCHEN FRANCINE: I don't mind your father making a fool of himself in private, but this is Leo's 21st, everyone is going to be there, and the entire family is going to look ridiculous. EXT. CHANCERY STREET MARTHA: Mum, it's a party, I can't stop Dad from bringing his girlfriend. (Her phone rings). Hold on, that's Dad, I'll call you back. INT. FRANCINE'S KITCHEN FRANCINE: Oh! EXT. CLIVE'S CAR CLIVE (getting into his car): Martha? Now, tell your mother, Leo is my son, and I'm paying for half that party. I'm entitled to bring who I like. EXT. CHANCERY STREET MARTHA: I know, but think what it's going to look like for Mum, if you're standing there with Annalise. EXT. CLIVE'S CAR CLIVE: What's wrong with Annalise? Annalise, all legs, gets into the car. ANNALISE: Is that Martha? Say hi. Hi, Martha, hi! EXT. CHANCERY STREET MARTHA (mock cheeriness): Hi, Annalise. EXT. CLIVE'S CAR ANNALISE: Big kiss, lots of love, see you at the party, Babe. (To Clive): Now take me shopping, big boy. She kisses him and he laughs. EXT. CHANCERY STREET Martha closes her phone as the Doctor steps in front of her. THE DOCTOR: Like so! (Takes off his tie). See? Martha looks puzzled and a little amused, then continues to the Royal Hope Hospital. Thunder can be heard. A humanoid being in black leather and shiny helmet pushes her aside. This being is later identified as a Slab. MARTHA: Hey! Watch, it mate! The Slab looks at Martha, then enters the hospital. She hesitates, a little nonplussed, then goes inside herself. INT. LOCKER ROOM Martha goes to her locker to put on her lab coat. When she touches the locker door, she gets an electrical shock. INT. HOSPITAL WARD Martha, the other medical students, and Mr. Stoker are at a patient's bedside. The patient is Florence Finnegan. FLORENCE: I was all right till this morning, and then, I don't know, I woke up and I felt all dizzy again. It was worse than when I came in. MR STOKER: Pulse is slightly thready. Well, let's see what Britain's finest might suggest. Any ideas, Morgenstern? MORGENSTERN: Dizziness can be a sign of early onset diabetes. MR STOKER: Hardly early onset, if you'll forgive me, Miss Finnegan. Any more ideas? Swales?SWALES: Um... could recommend a CT scan. MR STOKER: And spend all our money. Jones? MARTHA: We could take bloods and check for Meniere's disease. MR STOKER: Or we could simply ask the patient. What did you have for dinner last night? FLORENCE: I had salad. MR STOKER: And the night before? FLORENCE: Salad, again. MR STOKER: And salad every night for the past week, contrary to my instructions. Salt deficiency, that's what. Simple, honest salt. INT. HOSPITAL LOBBY The students follow Stoker across the lobby. MR STOKER (CONT'D): Hippocrates himself expounded on the virtues of salt. Recommended the inhalation of steam from sea water. Though no doubt if he'd been afflicted with my students, results might have been rather more colourful. Two Slabs get out of the lift. Martha pauses to look at them as she follows the other students into another ward. The Doctor is in the bed, in pyjamas. INT. HOSPITAL WARD MR STOKER (CONT'D): Now then, Mr Smith, a very good morning to you. How are you today? THE DOCTOR: Aw, not so bad, still a bit, you know. Blah. MR STOKER: John Smith, admitted yesterday with severe abdominal pains. Jones, why don't you see what you can find? Amaze me. MARTHA: That wasn't very clever, running around outside, was it? THE DOCTOR: Sorry? MARTHA: On Chancery Street this morning. You came up to me and took your tie off. THE DOCTOR: Really? What did I do that for? MARTHA: I don't know, you just did. THE DOCTOR: Not me. I was here, in bed. Ask the nurses. MARTHA: Well, that's weird, cause it looked like you. Have you got a brother? THE DOCTOR: No, not any more. Just me. MR STOKER: As time passes and I grow ever more infirm and weary, Miss Jones. MARTHA: Sorry. Right. Martha puts her stethoscope to the Doctor's chest, and looks puzzled. She moves the stethoscope to the other heart. The Doctor winks at her. MR STOKER: I weep for further generations. Are you having trouble locating the heart, Miss Jones? MARTHA: Um. I don't know. Stomach cramps? MR STOKER: That is a symptom, not a diagnosis. And you rather failed basic techniques by not consulting first with the patient's chart. He picks up the chart, receives an electric shock, and drops it. MARTHA: That happened to me this morning. MORGENSTERN: I had the same thing on the door handle. SWALES: And me, on the lift. MR STOKER: That's only to be expected. There's a thunderstorm moving in and lightning is a form of static electricity, as was first proven by, anyone? THE DOCTOR: Benjamin Franklin. MR STOKER: Correct! THE DOCTOR: My mate Ben, that was a day and a half. I got rope burns off that kite, and then I got soaked... MR STOKER: Quite... THE DOCTOR: ... and then I got electrocuted. MR STOKER: Moving on. (aside): I think perhaps a visit from psychiatric. (louder). And next we have... INT. KITCHENETTE Martha is on the phone with her sister. MARTHA: No, listen, I've worked out a plan. We tell Annelisa that the buffet tonight is one hundred per cent carbohydrate, and she won't turn up. EXT. STREET TISH (on phone, walking down street): I wish you'd take this seriously. That's our inheritance she's spending. On fake tan. Tell you what, I'm not that far away, I'll drop by for a sandwich and we can draw up a plan. INT. KITCHENETTE MARTHA (looking at the torrential rain outside the window): In this weather? I'm not going out, it's pouring down. EXT. STREET TISH: It's not raining here. (She turns the corner, and sees the hospital with a huge black cloud over it.) That's weird. It's sitting right on top of you, I can see it, but it's dry where I am. INT. KITCHENETTE MARTHA: Well, you just got lucky. EXT. STREET TISH: No, but it's like in cartoons, you know, when a man's got a cloud over his head. INT. KITCHENETTE MARTHA: But listen, I tell you what we'll do. The Doctor walks by the room in his dressing gown, glances in, and continues on. MARTHA (CONT'D): We tell Dad and Annalise to get there early, for about 7:30, for Leo to do his birthday stuff. We tell Mum to come about 8:30 or nine, and that gives me time to have a word with Annalise, and... Swales touches Martha's arm, looking out the window. MARTHA (CONT'D): What? SWALES: The rain. MARTHA: It's only rain. EXT. STREET TISH: Martha! Have you seen the rain? INT. KITCHENETTE MARTHA: Why's everyone fussing about rain? SWALES: It's going up. EXT. STREET TISH: The rain is going up. INT. KITCHENETTE Martha looks. The rain is going up. Then the building shakes; Martha and Swale fall, as do most of the things on the counters and in the cupboards. When it stops, Martha gets up. MARTHA: What in hell was that? SWALES: Are you all right? MARTHA: I think so, yeah. It felt like an earthquake, or... SWALES: Martha? It's night. It was lunchtime. MARTHA: It's not night. SWALES: It's got to be. It's dark. MARTHA (looking out of the window): We're on the moon. SWALES: We can't be. MARTHA: We're on the moon. We're on the bloody moon. EXT. MOON We see the hospital, isolated on the surface of the moon. We see the people in the hospital, looking out the windows, and then starting to panic when they realise where they are. EXT. CHANCERY STREET Tish runs to the site of the hospital, which is now a huge hole in the ground. She is stopped by a policeman. POLICEMAN: I'm sorry, Miss, no. TISH: My God... Arial view of the big hole in the ground, with sirens or emergency vehicles. TISH (into her mobile phone): Martha? Can you hear me? Martha! Tish walks by the TARDIS. INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR People are running and screaming. Martha pushes her way through them into : INT. SIDE ROOM Through the window, she can see the earth slightly above the horizon. INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR Leaving, she passes by Florence Finnegan. FLORENCE: Have you seen... MARTHA: I'm sorry, I can't. INT. HOSPITAL WARD MARTHA (CONT'D): All right, everyone back to bed, we've got an emergency but we'll sort it out. The Doctor is watching her. He pulls the curtain around his bed shut. Martha goes to the window, followed by Swales. MARTHA (CONT'D): It's real. It's really real. Hold on! She reaches for the window-latch. SWALES (sobbing): Don't! We'll lose all the air! MARTHA: But they're not exactly air tight. If the air was going to get sucked out it would have happened straight away, but it didn't. So how come? THE DOCTOR (pulling aside the bed-curtain, now fully dressed in a blue suit): Very good point! Brilliant, in fact. What was your name? MARTHA: Martha. THE DOCTOR: And it was Jones, wasn't it? (She nods). Well then, Martha Jones, the question is, how are we still breathing? SWALES: We can't be! THE DOCTOR: Obviously we are so don't waste my time. Martha, what have we got? Is there a balcony on this floor, or a veranda, or...? MARTHA: By the patients' lounge, yeah. THE DOCTOR: Fancy going out? MARTHA: Okay. THE DOCTOR: We might die. MARTHA: We might not. THE DOCTOR: Good! C'mon. Not her, she'd hold us up. Swales sobs as they leave. INT. PATIENTS' LOUNGE Martha and the Doctor go to the patients' lounge and push open the doors. EXT. BALCONY They step out onto the balcony. MARTHA: We've got air! How does that work? THE DOCTOR: Just be glad it does. MARTHA: I've got a party tonight. It's my brother's twenty-first. My mother's going to be really... really... THE DOCTOR: You okay? MARTHA: Yeah. THE DOCTOR: Sure? MARTHA: Yeah. THE DOCTOR: Want to go back in? MARTHA: No way. I mean, we could die any minute, but all the same, it's beautiful. THE DOCTOR: You think? MARTHA: How many people want to go to the moon? And here we are! THE DOCTOR: Standing in the earthlight. MARTHA: What do you think happened? THE DOCTOR: What do you think? MARTHA: Extraterrestrial. It's got to be. I don't know, a few years ago that would have sounded man, but these days? That spaceship flying into Big Ben, Christmas, those Cybermen things. I had a cousin. Adeola. She worked at Canary Wharf. She never came home. THE DOCTOR: I'm sorry. MARTHA: Yeah. THE DOCTOR: I was there. In the battle. MARTHA: I promise you, Mr Smith, we will find a way out. If we can travel to the moon, then we can travel back. There's got to be a way. THE DOCTOR: It's not Smith, that's not my real name. MARTHA: Who are you, then? THE DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor. MARTHA: Me too, if I can pass my exams. What is it, then, Doctor Smith? THE DOCTOR: Just the Doctor. MARTHA: How do you mean, just the Doctor? THE DOCTOR: Just... the Doctor. MARTHA: What, people call you "the Doctor"? THE DOCTOR: Yeah. MARTHA: Well, I'm not. As far as I'm concerned, you've got to earn that title. THE DOCTOR: Well, I'd better make a start, then. Let's have a look. (He picks up a pebble and throws it). There must be some sort of force field keeping the air in. MARTHA: If that's like a bubble sealing us in, that means this is the only air we've got. What happens when it runs out? THE DOCTOR: How many people in this hospital? MARTHA: I don't know, a thousand? THE DOCTOR: One thousand people. Suffocating. MARTHA: Why would anyone do that? THE DOCTOR: Head's up! Ask them yourself. The Judoon ships arrive. People go to the windows, staring, including Mr Stoker. The Judoon land and march to the hospital. MARTHA: Aliens. That's aliens. Real, proper aliens. THE DOCTOR: Judoon. INT. STOKER'S OFFICE Mr Stoker is watching through the window with binoculars. FLORENCE: Mr Stoker? I'm sorry, I didn't know who else to ask, but can you help me? MR STOKER: I think we've gone beyond aspirin, Miss... ah... FLORENCE: Finnegan. MR STOKER: What are names now when something unnameable is marching towards us across the moon? Two more years, I thought, two more years and then retire to Florida, but there is Florida, in the sky, I can see it. My daughter, she's still in university, I am never going to see her again. FLORENCE: But I need your help, Mr Stoker. MR STOKER: I can't do anything. FLORENCE: Oh, I think you can. Two Slabs enter behind her. MR STOKER: What do you two want? It's a bit too late to sign for anything. FLORENCE: These are my lovely boys. I prefer not to get my hands dirty. MR STOKER: I'm sorry? FLORENCE: You see, there are great tests to come, and terrible deeds, some of them my own. But if I am to survive this, I need you. MR STOKER: What are you talking about? FLORENCE: Blood. Specifically, yours. She snaps her fingers. The Slabs advance on Mr Stoker. MR STOKER: What are you doing? (They hold him by the arms). What are you doing? Well, let go of me, what the hell, let go. FLORENCE: You see, I was only salt deficient because I am so very good at absorbing it. Now I need fire in my veins, and who better than a consultant, with blood full of salty fats and vintage wines and all those Michelin star sauces. MR STOKER: Who are you? FLORENCE: Oh, I'm a survivor, Mr Stoker. At any cost. Look! I've even brought a straw. Mr Stoker screams as she approaches him. INT. HOSPITAL RECEPTION The Judoon are entering the hospital, walking through the force field. People watch, some screaming, some running, some cowering and trying to hide. The chief Judoon removes his helmet. CHIEF JUDOON: Bo sco fo do no kro blo co sho ro! MORGENSTERN: We are citizens of planet earth. We welcome you in peace. The chief Judoon pushes him against the wall and shines a blue light in his face. MORGENSTERN (CONT'D): Please don't hurt me, I was just trying to help, I'm sorry, don't hurt me, please don't hurt me. The Judoon plays his words back on his portable machine. CHIEF JUDOON: Language assimilated. Designation Earth English. You will be catalogued. (Shines a blue light in Morgenstern's face and marks a cross on the back of his hand). Category: human. Catalogue all suspects. They start shining the blue light on people, checking their species, then marking the right hand of each with a cross, saying "Human" as they do so. The Doctor and Martha are watching from behind some potted plants on the mezzanine level. THE DOCTOR: Oh, look down there, you've got a little shop. I like a little shop. MARTHA: Never mind that! What are Judoon? THE DOCTOR: Galactic police. Well, police for hire. More like interplanetary thugs. MARTHA: And they brought us to the moon? THE DOCTOR: Neutral territory. According to galactic law, they've got no jurisdiction over the Earth, and they isolated us. That rain? Lightning? That was them, using an H2O scoop. MARTHA: What's that about "galactic law"? Where'd you get that from? If they're police, are we under arrest? Are we trespassing on the moon or something? THE DOCTOR: No. But I like that. Good thinking. No, it's more simple. They're making a catalogue, it means they're after something non-human, which is very bad news for me. MARTHA: Why? (He looks at her). Oh, you're kidding me. (He raises an eyebrow). Don't be ridiculous. Stop looking at me like that. THE DOCTOR: Come on, then. The Doctor and Martha leave. CHIEF JUDOON: Troop five, floor one. Troop six, floor two. Identify humans and find the transgressor. Find it. INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR The Doctor and Martha enter at a run. CHIEF JUDOON: Prepare to be catalogued. MORGENSTERN: Do what they say. All they want is to shine this light thing, it's all right, they don't mean to hurt us. Just listen to them. A man breaks a jug over the head of one of the Judoon. CHIEF JUDOON: Witness the crime. Charge: physical assault. Plea: guilty. Sentence: execution. The Judoon shoot the man and he vaporises, screaming. MORGENSTERN: You didn't have to do that. CHIEF JUDOON: Justice is swift. Morgenstern flinches. INT. OFFICE The Doctor is examining a computer with his sonic screwdriver. Martha comes into the room. MARTHA: They've reached third floor. What's that thing? THE DOCTOR: Sonic screwdriver. MARTHA: Well, if you're not going to answer me properly! THE DOCTOR: No, really, it is. It's a screwdriver, and it's sonic. Look. MARTHA: What else have you got? A laser spanner? THE DOCTOR: I did, but it was stolen by Emily Pankhurst, cheeky woman. (Hits the computer). Oh, this computer! The Judoon must have locked it down. Judoon platoon upon the moon. Cause I was just travelling past, I swear, I was just wandering, I wasn't looking for trouble, honestly, I wasn't, but I noticed these plasma coils around the hospital, and that lightning, that's plasma coils, been building up for two days now, so I checked in, I thought something was going on inside, it turns out the plasma coils were the Judoon up above. MARTHA: But what were they looking for? THE DOCTOR: Something that looks human, but isn't. MARTHA: Like you. Apparently. THE DOCTOR: Like me. But not me. MARTHA: Haven't they got a photo? THE DOCTOR: Might be a shape-changer. MARTHA: Whatever it is, can't you just leave the Judoon to find it? THE DOCTOR: If they declare the hospital guilty of harbouring a fugitive, they'll sentence it to execution. MARTHA: All of us? THE DOCTOR: Oh yes. If I can find this thing first... Oh! Just that they're thick! Judoon are thick! They are completely thick! They wiped the records. Oh, that's clever. MARTHA: What are we looking for? THE DOCTOR: I don't know. Any patient admitted in the past week with unusual symptoms. Maybe there's a back-up. MARTHA: Just keep working. I'll go ask Mr Stoker, he might know. She leaves. INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR She runs down the hall and knocks on the door to Stoker's office and enters without waiting for an answer. INT. STOKER'S OFFICE MARTHA (CONT'D): Mr Stoker! She sees his feet sticking out around the desk, and the two Slabs. Florence Finnegan arises, straw in hand. Martha runs for it. FLORENCE: Kill her! INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR Martha meets up with the Doctor. THE DOCTOR: I've restored the back-up. MARTHA: I found her. THE DOCTOR: You what? (He sees the Slabs). Run! He takes Martha's hand and they run. INT. STAIRWELL They run down the stairs, followed by the Slabs. Then they meet the Judoon coming up, and dodge out a doorway on the fourth floor. INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR They run, Slabs hot on their tails, skidding around corners and then into the radiology room. INT. RADIOLOGY ROOM The Doctor closes and locks the door in the face of a Slab. THE DOCTOR: When I say "now", press the button. MARTHA: I don't know which one. THE DOCTOR: Find out! He uses his sonic screwdriver on some of the machinery. Martha goes for the Operator's Manual. The Slab breaks down the door. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Now! He zaps the Slab with radiation, his skeleton visible. The Slab falls inert. MARTHA: What did you do? THE DOCTOR: Increased the radiation by five thousand per cent. Killed him dead. MARTHA: Isn't that likely to kill you? THE DOCTOR: Nah, it's only radiation. We used to play with roentgen bricks in the nursery. It's safe for you to come out, I've absorbed it all. All I need to do is expel it. (He starts bouncing and hopping). If I concentrate I can shake the radiation out of my body and into one spot. It's in my left shoe. Here we go, here we go, easy does it... (Shaking his foot). Out, out, out, out, out. Out, out, ah, ah, ah, ah. It is, it is, it is, it is, it is hot. Ah, hold on. (Throws his shoe into the dustbin). Done. MARTHA: You're completely mad. THE DOCTOR: Right. I look daft with one shoe. (Removes and discards the other one). Barefoot on the moon! MARTHA (going to the Slab): So what is that thing? And where's it from? The planet Zovirax? THE DOCTOR: It's just a Slab. They're called "Slabs". Basic slave drones, see? Solid leather, all the way through. Someone has got one hell of a fetish. MARTHA: It came with that woman, Mrs. Finnegan. It was working for her. Just like a servant. THE DOCTOR (takes what remains of his sonic screwdriver out of the x-ray machine): My sonic screwdriver. MARTHA: She was one of the patients, but... THE DOCTOR: My sonic screwdriver! MARTHA: She had a straw like some kind of vampire. THE DOCTOR: I loved my sonic screwdriver! MARTHA: Doctor! THE DOCTOR: Sorry. (He tosses the sonic screwdriver away, and smiles). You called me Doctor. MARTHA: Anyway! Miss Finnegan is the alien. She was drinking Mr. Stoker's blood. THE DOCTOR: Funny time to take a snack. You'd think she'd be hiding. Unless, no. Yes, that's it, wait a minute. Yes! Shape-changer. Internal shape-changer. She wasn't drinking blood, she was assimilating it. INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR Florence Finnegan walks into a corridor, wiping her lips. The Judoon are approaching. CHIEF JUDOON: Prepare to be catalogued. (They catalogue people). Human. They come to Florence Finnegan and shine the blue light on her. INT. RADIOLOGY ROOM THE DOCTOR: If she can assimilate Mr Stoker's blood, mimic the morphology, she can register as human. We've got to find her and show the Judoon. Come on! He runs. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR CHIEF JUDOON (shining his light at Florence Finnegan): Human. Puts a cross on her hand and carries on. She looks at it with a smile. INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR A Slab walks down a hallway, past the Doctor and Martha, who are hiding behind a water cooler. THE DOCTOR: That's the thing about Slabs. They always travel in pairs. MARTHA: What about you? THE DOCTOR: What about me what? MARTHA: Haven't you got back-up? You must have a partner or something? THE DOCTOR: Uh. Humans. We're stuck on the moon running out of air with Judoon and a bloodsucking criminal, you're asking personal questions. Come on. MARTHA: I like that. "Humans." I'm still not convinced you're an alien. They step in front of a Judoon, who shines his blue light on the Doctor's face. JUDOON: Non-human. MARTHA: Oh my God, you really are! THE DOCTOR: And again! They run. The Judoon shoot after them. They go up stairs, and manage to lock a door behind them, emerging in a corridor where people are falling to the ground, gasping for breath. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): They've done this floor. Come on. The Judoon are logical and just a little bit thick. They won't go back to check a floor they've checked already. If we're lucky. Martha sees Swales and stops by her. MARTHA: How much oxygen is there? SWALES: Not enough for all these people. We're going to run out. THE DOCTOR: How are you feeling? Are you all right? MARTHA: I'm running on adrenaline. THE DOCTOR: Welcome to my world. MARTHA: What about the Judoon? THE DOCTOR: Ah, great big lung reserves, it won't slow them down. Where's Mr Stoker's office? MARTHA: It's this way. INT. STOKER'S OFFICE They enter. MARTHA (CONT'D): She's gone! She was here. THE DOCTOR (examining Mr Stoker): Drained him dry. Every last drop. I was right. She's a plasmavore. MARTHA: What was she doing on Earth? THE DOCTOR: Hiding. On the run. Like Ronald Biggs in Rio de Janeiro. What's she doing now? She's still not safe. The Judoon could execute us all. Come on. MARTHA: Wait a minute. She goes to Mr Stoker and closes his eyes, then leaves with the Doctor. INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR THE DOCTOR: Think, think, think. If I was a plasmavore surrounded by police, what would I do? (He looks at the MRI sign). Aah. She's as clever as me. Almost. JUDOON VOICES: Find the non-human. Execute. THE DOCTOR: Stay here. I need time. You're going to have to hold them up. MARTHA: How do I do that? THE DOCTOR: Martha, forgive me for this. It's to save a thousand lives, it means nothing. Honestly, nothing. He kisses her, then runs off. MARTHA: That was nothing? INT. MRI ROOM The Doctor goes into the MRI room, where the machine is making strange noises and Florence Finnegan is working with the controls. THE DOCTOR: Have you seen, there are these things, those great big space rhino things, I mean rhinos from space. And we're on the moon. Great big space rhinos with guns on the moon. And I only came in for my bunions, look. (Shows his feet). They're all right now, perfectly good treatment, I said to my wife, I'd recommend this place to anyone, but then we end up on the moon. And did I mention the rhinos? FLORENCE: Hold him! The Slabs take hold of the Doctor. INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR The Judoon walk into another corridor. Martha stands bravely waiting for them. CHIEF JUDOON: Find the non-human. Execute. MARTHA: Now, listen. I know who you're looking for. She's this woman. She calls herself Florence. The Judoon examines her with his blue light. CHIEF JUDOON: Human. With non-human traits suspected. Non-human element confirmed. Authorize full scan. What are you? What are you? INT. MRI ROOM Florence Finnegan is fussing with the MRI machine. THE DOCTOR: That thing, that big machine thing, is it supposed to be making that noise? FLORENCE: You wouldn't understand. THE DOCTOR: Isn't that a magnetic resonance imaging thing? Like a ginormous sort of a magnet? I did magnets at GCSE. Well, I failed, but all the same. FLORENCE: The magnetic setting is now set to 50,000 Tesla. THE DOCTOR: Ooh. That's a bit strong, isn't it? FLORENCE: I can send out a magnetic pulse that will fry the brain-stems of every living thing within 250,000 miles. Except me, safe in this room. THE DOCTOR: But... hold on, hold on, I did geography for GCSE, I did pass that one, doesn't that distance include Earth? FLORENCE: Only the side facing the moon. The other half will survive. Call it my little gift. THE DOCTOR: I'm sorry, you'll have to forgive me, I'm a little out of my depth. I've spent the past fifteen years working as a postman, hence the bunions. Why would you do that? FLORENCE: With everyone dead, the Judoon ships will be mine, to make my escape. THE DOCTOR: Now, that's weird. You're talking like you're some sort of an alien. FLORENCE: Right-o. THE DOCTOR: No! FLORENCE: Oh, yes. THE DOCTOR: You're joshing me. FLORENCE: I am not. THE DOCTOR: I'm talking to an alien? In hospital? What, has the place got an ET department? FLORENCE: It's the perfect hiding place. Blood banks downstairs for a midnight feast, and all this equipment I'm ready to arm myself with should the police come looking. THE DOCTOR: So, those rhinos, they're looking for you? FLORENCE: Yes. But I'm hidden. THE DOCTOR: Oh. Right! Maybe that's why they're increasing their scans. FLORENCE: They're doing what? THE DOCTOR: Big chief rhino boy, he said, no sign of a non-human, we must increase our scans... up to setting two? FLORENCE: Then I must assimilate again. THE DOCTOR: What does that mean? FLORENCE: I must appear to be human. THE DOCTOR: Well, you're welcome to come home and meet the wife. She'd be honoured. We can have cake. FLORENCE: Why should I have cake? I've got my little straw. THE DOCTOR: That's nice. Milkshake? I like banana. FLORENCE: You're quite the funny man. And yet, I think, laughing on purpose at the darkness. I think it's time you found some peace. Steady him! THE DOCTOR: What are you doing? As the Slabs hold him and Florence approaches with her straw. FLORENCE: I'm afraid this is going to hurt. But if it's any consolation, the dead don't tend to remember. INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR The Judoon makes a cross on Martha's hand. CHIEF JUDOON: Confirmed: human. Traces of facial contact with non-human. Continue the search. (To Martha, hands her slip of paper): You will need this. MARTHA: What's that for? CHIEF JUDOON: Compensation. INT. MRI ROOM Florence drinks the Doctor's blood with a straw. The Judoon enter the room. FLORENCE: Now see what you've done. This poor man just died of fright. CHIEF JUDOON: Scan him! Confirmation: deceased. MARTHA: No, he can't be. Let me through, let me see him. CHIEF JUDOON: Stop. Case closed. MARTHA: But it was her. She killed him. She did it. She murdered him. CHIEF JUDOON: The Judoon have no authority over human crime. MARTHA: But she's not human. FLORENCE: Oh, but I am. I've been catalogued. MARTHA: But she's not! She assimil... Wait a minute. You drank his blood. The Doctor's blood. She grabs a Judoon scanner. FLORENCE: Oh, all right. Scan all you like. CHIEF JUDOON: Non-human. FLORENCE: What? CHIEF JUDOON: Confirm analysis. FLORENCE: Oh, but it's a mistake, surely. I'm human. I'm as human as they come. MARTHA: He gave his life so they'd find you. CHIEF JUDOON: Confirmed: Plasmavore. I charge you with the crime of murdering the princess of Patrival Regency Nine. FLORENCE: She deserved it! Those pink cheeks and those blond curls and that simpering voice. She was begging for the bite of a plasmavore. CHIEF JUDOON: Do you confess? FLORENCE: Confess? I'm proud of it! Slab, stop them! The Slab shoots. The Judoon shoot. The Slab disintegrates. CHIEF JUDOON: Verdict: guilty. Sentence: execution. The warning sign light up: MAGNETIC OVERLOAD. FLORENCE: Enjoy your victory, Judoon, because you're going to burn with me. Burn in hell! She screams as they disintegrate her. Martha rushes over to the Doctor. CHIEF JUDOON: Case closed. MARTHA: What did she mean, "burn with me"? The scanner shouldn't be doing that. She's done something. CHIEF JUDOON: Scans detect lethal acceleration of monomagnetic pulse. MARTHA: Well, do something! Stop it! CHIEF JUDOON: Our jurisdiction has ended. Judoon will evacuate. MARTHA: You can't just leave it. What's it going to do? CHIEF JUDOON: All units withdraw. They depart. The sign continues to flash: MAGNETIC OVERLOAD. MORGENSTERN: What about the air? We're running out of air. MARTHA: You can't go. That thing's going to explode and it's all your fault. They're gone. Martha runs to the Doctor and starts to apply pulmonary resuscitation techniques. MARTHA (CONT'D): One, two, three, four, five. One, two, three, four, five. Two hearts! One, two, three, four, five. One, two, three, four, five. Martha is running out of air. The Doctor revives and starts to cough. Martha falls to the ground. MARTHA (CONT'D): The scanner. She did something. Coughing, the Doctor crawls and staggers to the MRI machine, and unplugs it. INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR The Doctor carries Martha down a corridor where patients and doctors alike are either very weak or unconscious due to oxygen starvation. INT. HOSPITAL WARD The Doctor looks out of the window at the Judoon ships. THE DOCTOR: Come on, come on, come on. Come on, Judoon, reverse it. (It starts to rain. He smiles). It's raining, Martha. It's raining on the moon. In a flash of white light, they disappear. EXT. CHANCERY STREET The hospital reappears where it originally was, with Tish and the onlookers standing at the side of the hole. Emergency care commences, while Martha sits, looking thoughtful, outside the hospital. MORGENSTERN: I told them I represented the human race. I told them, you can't do that. I said: "You can't do that, we have rights." TISH: Martha! (Goes running to hug her). Oh, God! I thought you were dead! What happened? It was so weird, because the police wouldn't say, they didn't have a clue. And I tried phoning, but I couldn't get through. Mum's on her way, but she couldn't get through, they've closed off all the roads. Martha sees the Doctor walking away, towards the TARDIS. He smiles at her, and waves. A truck goes by, and when it has passed, the Doctor and the TARDIS are gone. MARTHA (CONT'D): There's thousands of people trying to get in, the whole city's ground to a halt, and Dad phoned, cause it's on the news and everything, he was crying. It's been a mess, and what happened? I mean, what really happened? Where were you? Martha stares at the place the TARDIS was, hearing the last traces of the TARDIS engines. INT. MARTHA'S BEDROOM Martha is applying her mascara for the party, listening to the radio. ANNOUNCER: Eyewitness reports from the Royal Hope Hospital continue to pour in, and it all seems to be remarkably consistent. This from medical student Oliver Morgenstern. MORGENSTERN: I was there. I saw it happen. And I feel uniquely privileged. I looked out at the surface of the moon. I saw the Earth, suspended in space, and it all just proves Mr Saxon right. We're not alone in the universe. There's life out there: wild and extraordinary life. EXT. PUB Annalise storms outside. ANNALISE: I am not prepared to be insulted! CLIVE: She didn't mean it, sweetheart. She just said you look healthy. FRANCINE: No, I did not. I said orange. ANNALISE: Clive, that woman is disrespecting me. She's never liked me. FRANCINE: Oh, I can't think why, after you stole my husband. ANNALISE: I was seduced. I'm entirely innocent! Tell her, Clive! FRANCINE: And then she has a go at Martha, practically accused her of making the whole thing up. MARTHA: Mum, I don't mind. Just leave it. ANNALISE: Oh. "I've been to the moon! " As if. They were drugged. It said so on the news. FRANCINE: Since when did you watch the news? You can't handle "Quiz Mania". TISH (to Martha): Annalise started it. She did. I heard her. LEO: Trish, don't make it worse. TISH: You're talking, Leo. What did she buy you, soap? A seventy-five pence soap? ANNALISE: Oh, I'm never talking to your family again! She storms off. They're all talking over each other. FRANCINE: Oh, stay. Have a night out. CLIVE: Don't you dare. I'm putting my foot down. This is me, putting my foot down. He chases after Annalise. LEO: Dad! FRANCINE: Make a fool of yourself! God knows, you've been doing it for the last twenty-five years! Why stop now? She storms off. Trish follows... TISH: Mum, don't! I asked the DJ and he's playing that song later... Martha, distressed, sees the Doctor standing on the corner, looking at her. He smiles and gives her a "follow me" look. She follows him around the building... EXT. ALLEYWAY She finds him standing and leaning against the TARDIS. There is a "VOTE SAXON" poster on the wall behind her. MARTHA: I went to the moon today. THE DOCTOR: A bit more peaceful than down here. MARTHA: You never even told me who you are. THE DOCTOR: The Doctor. MARTHA: What sort of species? It's not every day I get to ask that. THE DOCTOR: I'm a Time Lord. MARTHA: Right! Not pompous at all, then. THE DOCTOR: I just thought since you saved my life and I've got a brand new sonic screwdriver which needs road testing, you might fancy a trip. MARTHA: What, into space? THE DOCTOR: Well. MARTHA: I can't. I've got exams. I've got things to do. I have to go into town first thing and pay the rent, I've got my family going mad... THE DOCTOR: If it helps, I can travel in time, as well. MARTHA: Get out of here. THE DOCTOR: I can. MARTHA: Come on now, that's going too far. THE DOCTOR: I'll prove it. He goes into the TARDIS, and it makes TARDIS noises, and then disappears while Martha watches. She waves her hand in the spot where it was. It comes back. The Doctor steps out, holding his tie in his hand. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Told you! MARTHA: I know, but... that was this morning! But, did you... Oh, my God! You can travel in time! The Doctor puts his tie on again. MARTHA (CONT'D): But hold on, if you could see me this morning, why didn't you tell me not to go in to work? THE DOCTOR: Crossing into established events is strictly forbidden. Except for cheap tricks. MARTHA: And that's your spaceship? THE DOCTOR: It's called the TARDIS. Time and Relative Dimension in Space. MARTHA: Your spaceship's made of wood. There's not much room. We'd be a bit intimate. THE DOCTOR (pushing the door open): Take a look. INT. TARDIS She goes in, the Doctor follows her. She looks around and runs out again. MARTHA: Oh, no, no. EXT. ALLEYWAY MARTHA (CONT'D) (she looks around outside): But it's just a box. But it's huge. How does it do that? It's wood. She knocks on it. INT. TARDIS MARTHA (CONT'D): It's like a box with that room just rammed in. It's bigger on the inside. THE DOCTOR (after mouthing this last sentence with her): Is it? I hadn't noticed. (He shuts the door behind her, throws his coat aside). All right, then, let's get going. MARTHA: But is there a crew? Like a navigator and stuff? Where is everyone? THE DOCTOR: Just me. MARTHA: All on your own? THE DOCTOR: Well, sometimes I have guests. I mean some friends, travelling alongside. I had, there was recently a friend of mine. Rose, her name was, Rose. And... we were together. Anyway. MARTHA: Where is she now? THE DOCTOR: With her family. Happy. She's fine. Not that you're replacing her. MARTHA: Never said I was. THE DOCTOR: Just one trip to say "thanks", you get one trip, then back home. I'd rather be on my own. MARTHA: You're the one that kissed me. THE DOCTOR: That was a genetic transfer. MARTHA: And if you will wear a tight suit... THE DOCTOR: Now... don't! MARTHA: And then travel all the way across the universe just to ask me on a date... THE DOCTOR: Stop it. MARTHA: For the record? I'm not remotely interested. I only go for humans. THE DOCTOR: Good. Well, then. Close down the gravitic anomalizer. Fire up the helmic regulator. And finally, the hand brake. Ready? MARTHA: No. THE DOCTOR: Off we go. He pulls the hand brake. The TARDIS jolts and shakes. He falls. MARTHA: Blimey, it's a bit bumpy. THE DOCTOR: Welcome aboard, Miss Jones. He shakes her hand. MARTHA: It's my pleasure, Mr Smith. EXT. TIME VORTEX The TARDIS hurtles through the vortex.

Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who goes undercover at the Royal Hope Hospital? A: London; Q: Where is the Royal Hope Hospital located? A: medical student Martha Jones; Q: Who does the Doctor meet at the Royal Hope Hospital? A: Martha Jones; Q: Who is the medical student that the Doctor meets? A: the Moon; Q: Where is the hospital transported to? A: Judoon; Q: What is the name of the police force that transports the hospital to the moon? A: the blood-sucking Florence Finnegan; Q: Who is the blood-sucking Plasmavore? A: the human blood; Q: What is Florence Finnegan assimilating? A: hospital workers; Q: Who is Florence Finnegan assimilating? A: detection; Q: What is Mrs. Finnegan trying to avoid? A: an alien; Q: What is the Doctor? A: his blood; Q: What does the Doctor allow Florence Finnegan to drink? A: CPR; Q: What does Martha use to revive the Doctor? A: half; Q: How much of the Earth did the Doctor save? A: the TARDIS; Q: What does the Doctor invite Martha to join him in? A: TARDIS; Q: What is the name of the Doctor's time machine? Summary: The Doctor goes undercover at the Royal Hope Hospital in London, where he meets medical student Martha Jones . The entire hospital is transported to the Moon by the Judoon , a brutal outer-space police force-for-hire, who are searching for the blood-sucking Florence Finnegan . Mrs Finnegan is a Plasmavore and has been assimilating the human blood of hospital workers to avoid detection. The Doctor, an alien, allows her to drink his blood and she is detected as non-human, and executed. Martha revives the Doctor using CPR . The Doctor stops Finnegan's attempt to destroy her Judoon pursuers along with half of Earth with a magnetic pulse from an MRI machine in the hospital when he shuts the machine down. The Doctor invites Martha to join him for a trip in the TARDIS in return for saving his life.

Act One. Scene One - Frasier's BMW He and Niles are driving down a country road, wearing their squash togs. Niles: Oh, did I mention? Two of my "Fear of Commitment" group have announced they're getting married. Frasier: Oh, congratulations. Niles: Thank you. There's a downside though - they're New Age types - the wedding's to be held in the woods. Frasier: So? Niles: I need a date. You know how the women in my crowd tend to droop outdoors. Frasier: Yes, well Niles, there are all sorts of different women in the world. Perhaps if you tiptoed beyond the fringes of your precious circle, cast a wider net... They pass a workgang, clearing the side of the road. Niles: Frasier? That woman by the side of the road, spearing trash! Frasier: Not that wide. Niles: No, no. It's Roz! Frasier: My God, it is! [he stops beside her] Niles: If she realizes we've recognised her, she'll be utterly humiliated. [shouts] OH, ROZ!? Roz turns round, then tries to hide her face. Roz: Oh my God! You're not seeing me! Go away! Frasier: Roz! What on earth are you doing here? Roz: Just let me in. Niles: Wait, I'll spread papers. [does so, all over the back seat] Frasier: Oh, yes. Thank you, Niles. [to Roz] All right. Roz climbs in the back, complete with trash spear. Roz: Okay, let's go. Frasier: What? What do you mean, "Let's go"? I can't do that, I don't even know why you're here. Roz: About a month ago, I got stopped doing sixty in a thirty-mile- an-hour zone. It was either a huge fine or community service. So here I am. It's a nightmare. Breathing exhaust fumes, using a spatula to scrape up roadkills... Frasier: Well, at least look on the bright side. You're outdoors, you can enjoy nature, you're beautifying our highways... Roz: Frasier, I found an ear! Frasier: Are there no other services you could have performed? Roz: The only other option was visiting old people in a retirement home. Frasier: And you chose this? Niles: Well, think about it. Walking the streets, picking up trash; You can see how Roz would go with the familiar. [this earns him a clip round the head from Roz] Roz: Old people just make me uncomfortable. Frasier: Roz, have you considered that your discomfort around the elderly may stem from your own fear of growing old? Roz: [sarcastically] Wow! D'you think? [sees something] Oh my god! Frasier: What? Roz: It's my supervisor. Hit the gas. Frasier: I can't. It might be illegal. Roz: [putting trash spear to Niles's head] Move, or your brother gets it! Frasier: Absolutely not! Roz: [shifts aim] All right, the head rest. Frasier: Off we go. He drives off, at speed, passing Roz's bewildered supervisor. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. Frasier and Niles enter as Daphne helps Martin with his exercises. Frasier: Oh, well Dad. Doing your exercises. Very good. Daphne: [to Martin, as he raises his knee] There you go! Congratulations, Mr Crane! You finally got your knee past your ribcage. Martin: Oh, it's no big deal. Frasier: Well, it's more than Lilith could accomplish after five years of marriage. Daphne: You know, it's so gratifying seeing your father make these little improvements. It's days like this I'm glad that I took this position. Niles: [watching Daphne from behind, as she is bent over] We're all glad you took this position. Frasier: Well, you know Daphne, I must say there are some times I envy you. Here you go, Niles. He throws a bottle of water to Niles, which sails past his head when he doesn't react. Frasier hands him the other bottle. Frasier: You know, I'm just saying it's always gratifying to see some reward for your efforts. Lately, that's something I've been lacking in my own work. Niles: How so? Frasier: Oh, well you know, back in private practice I could spend months, even years with a patient, see the fruits of my labor. Now, somebody calls in, I give my advice, and never know how things work out. I simply release my humble words into the airwaves and then they're gone forever, vanished. Niles: So like my Tiffany cufflinks. [at Frasier's stare] I'd hoped to wear them to my new age wedding, they've disappeared. Frasier: So you know my pain! Well, I'm not really dissatisfied, it's just that... well, Daphne, you know, you get to see your progress with Dad; Niles, you have the upcoming marriage of your commitment phobics... Martin: Oh, c'mon, you help people all the time. You helped me just the other day. Frasier: How? Martin: Well, I was worried because Eddie had lost his appetite, and remember what you said? Frasier: If I remember rightly, I said, "Well, why don't you give him some of my truffle foie gras?" Martin: Right. Frasier: I was being funny. Martin: ...Oh. [covering] Well, yeah. Well, I knew that. Ha-ha. That just cheered me right up. C'mon, Eddie! He retreats to his bedroom as Frasier dashes into the kitchen. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - KACL. Frasier is waiting for Roz. He checks the corridor. Bulldog is getting chocolate from the vending machine. Frasier: Excuse me, Bulldog? Bulldog: What's up, Doc? [breaks into giggles] Frasier: Listen, have you seen Roz? She's late. My show goes on in thirty seconds. Bulldog: You know what? I'd dump her. Frasier: That's a little extreme, don't you think? Bulldog: No. I fire everybody once a year. Housekeepers, personal trainers, phutt. You know, cut them off before they start copping an attitude. Oh, oh - doctors are the worst of all. You pick up the same disease three or four times, they start lecturing you like it's your fault. [re: chocolate] Want a bite? Frasier: Not if you skipped it to me over a pool of disinfectant. He decides Roz isn't coming and goes back into his booth. He sits down and hits "On Air." Frasier: Hello, Seattle. Good afternoon, this is Dr Frasier Crane. You know, today we're going to do things just a little bit different. For the past four years now I've been taking your calls and giving advice, and I was thinking, perhaps our listeners are wondering how things have turned out. I know I do. So today I invite those of you who've called in in the past to give us a holler, and we can catch up on how things have worked out for you. All our lines are open... Silence. Frasier: Come on. Come on, you know the number. [board lights up] Ah, there we are. [opens line] Hello, this is Dr Frasier Crane. How did I help you? Chet: [v.o.] Hello, Dr Crane, this is Chet from Whitby Island. I gave you a call last year? I was having problems with low self-esteem. Frasier: Ah, ah, I see. And did my advice help you to become more assertive? Chet: Damn straight. And now people say I'm downright arrogant. Well, you know what I say? Screw 'em! Frasier: Well, perhaps you took my advice just a bit too far. Chet: Who the hell are you? Screw you too! [line goes dead] Frasier: Well, as I give myself a well-deserved pat on the back, and Chet marches off to invade Poland, [Roz finally walks in] let's just go to commercial. [off air] Well Roz, glad you could join us. Roz: You're lucky I made it at all. I took your advice, went down to that retirement home to finish off my community service.. Frasier: Ooh, lot better than spearing trash, isn't it? Roz: You tell me. I started playing checkers with this old man, Mr. Krantz? Well, things got a little competitive and he made a really bad move and I said, "You're a dead man!" Frasier: Oh, dear. I think I see where this story is headed. Roz: A minute later, he's lying sprawled across the board, pieces are everywhere, the whole place is screaming... when I pulled him up he still had a checker stuck to his forehead. Frasier: Roz, I am so sorry. I, I can see how you could be very traumatized by this... [on air] Hi, we're back. That was a very catchy commercial, wasn't it? Let's get back to it. [off air] Roz, listen. You can't be too upset about this. Now given the circumstances, his age and his surroundings, surely this thing was sort of expected. Roz: Not with this guy. The whole reason I liked him was he was so youthful and robust. [Bulldog enters] You should have seen him, Frasier. He was raring to go, he kept bragging about how good he was and how much fun it was going to be, and he dies on me! Bulldog: Hey, it happens to all guys, okay? Frasier: Bulldog... Bulldog: No, no. This is a pet peeve of mine, doc. Why is it always the guy's fault? You know, if you chicks needed a little less booze to get from "maybe" to "yes," we'd be a lot more alert when the moment of truth arrives. Frasier: Bulldog, Roz was playing checkers with an elderly gentleman and he died. Bulldog: Oh, well.... when I said "We" I didn't mean me, because I don't have that... Silence as they just wait. Bulldog: Hey, you're a doctor, that was confidential! [leaves] Roz: Well, guess it's back to scraping up roadkills. Frasier: Roz, Roz, surely you realise what happened today at the retirement home was an aberration. Roz: Well, maybe so, but I wasn't comfortable being around old people to begin with and this certainly hasn't helped matters. Frasier: Now Roz, listen. If you're ever going to conquer your fear of aging you've got to get back down there and spend some time with these people. You'll learn that they're really vital human beings. Roz: Well, I'm still not convinced. Frasier: All right then, think of it this way: there's been a lot of fog on the interstate lately and the caribou are migrating. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Four - Retirement home Roz is reading a story. Roz: "As the train whistle screamed, and we started out of the station, I lowered the window and said: 'I'll be back.' But somehow I knew I would never see her or Paris again. The end." That was a pretty good book, wasn't it, Mr. Gouldenstein? [pats his hand] Mr Gouldenstein, you're feeling a little cold. Can I make you a nice hot cup of... [realises] OH MY GOD!! She runs out of the room. ROZ'S KRANTZ AND GOULDENSTEIN ARE DEAD Scene Five - Frasier's apartment. Eddie is doing tricks to amuse Martin and Daphne. Martin: Come on boy, you can do it. Eddie stands on his hind legs and twirls. The doorbell bing-bongs. Daphne goes to answer it as Frasier enters from his bedroom. Martin: Hey-hey, Fras. Look at that, he's dancin'. He's practically doing a polka. Frasier: Oh, good. That should up his price when I sell him to the carnival. Daphne: [opening the door to Niles] Hello. Niles: Hello, Daphne. Martin: Back from the big wedding in the woods, huh? Daphne: Yes, and don't you look nice. Except, what's this sticky stuff all over your shoulder here? Frasier: Did you finally find a date? Niles: I asked Maris. Daphne: [examining goo] Sap. Frasier: I think Daphne speaks for us all. Just how the hell did this happen? Niles: Well, I was desperate for a date, and I, I knew Maris would be lonely this time of year. It's cruise season, she never partakes. She has an absolute terror of buffets. Frasier: Oh, yes. Legendary smorgaphobia. Martin: So how did it go? Or should I say, how big a scene did she make? Niles: Actually she did quite well. She willingly joined in the ceremonial chanting. When the shaman invited those so inclined to embrace their favorite tree, Maris said the only tree she was willing to embrace was her family tree. Everyone laughed. Well, I laughed. Then it happened. They called for a group hug. Frasier: Oh, dear. Niles: Last time I saw her, she was racing towards her Mercedes, emitting a high-pitched shriek that caused the wedding doves to attack one another. [the doorbell bing-bongs] Let me see if I can't find something to remove this sap. [goes to bedroom] Frasier opens the door. It's Roz. Roz: Another one died. Frasier: What? What happened? Martin: What's she talkin' about? Frasier: Oh. Dad, Roz has been doing some community service down at a retirement home. Apparently, for the second time this week one of her charges has died. Martin: Oh. Roz: They're calling me "The Angel Of Death" now. Frasier: Well as you know, this isn't your fault. Roz: Maybe it is. I've never been good with plants or animals. Everything's always died on me. Frasier: You have a cat. [at Roz's look he realizes] Oh. I'm so sorry. Daphne: Roz, death is an occupational hazard of working with older people. Trust me. I've lost more patients than I'd like to count. Martin: You've never said anything about that to me. Daphne: Didn't I? [to Roz] Anyway, you just sit there, and I'll go make you a nice cup of tea. [heads towards kitchen, followed by Martin] Martin: Hey, wait. How many patients did you lose? Daphne: Well, I don't know. I used to keep a tally in my diary, but it made me a bit sad. Martin: Was it more than five? [they go into kitchen] Frasier: Now listen, Roz. There's no way that you can feel guilty about this. I mean, those men were going to die anyway. If anything, you gave them some much-welcomed companionship in their final moments. Roz: It just seems so unfair. [Niles returns at this point] One minute he's lying in the bed, smiling and happy - ten seconds later, it's over. Niles: For heaven's sake, it happens to every man a couple of times in his life. Why can't you women take it as a compliment? [Goes to kitchen] End Of Act One. Act Two. [SCENE_BREAK] NOSES OFF Scene One - The Retirement Home Frasier and Roz are walking down the hallway. Frasier has a firm grip on Roz. Roz: Look, I appreciate you coming down here with me, but I don't think I can make it. Frasier: Roz, we have discussed this. This is going to be your breakthrough day. Roz: They hate me here! Frasier: You're just overreacting. There is no way they think you're the Angel of Death. Two of the residents turn a corner, see Roz, and do a quick about turn. Roz: I'm leaving. Frasier: No. Roz, this is not like you. The Roz I know is not a quitter, she's a fighter. Roz: I just can't help thinking it's going to happen again. They always die in threes. Frasier: Oh come on, that's just celebrities. C'mon. CUT TO: Moira's Room. The door opens and Roz is pushed in. Roz: Hi. I'm Roz. Moira: I'm Moira. Come in. Roz: How you feeling today? Moira: Fine. Roz: Really? Do you feel okay? Moira: Yes. Now do me a favour and hand me those cigarettes. Roz: You know, these things do come with a warning. Moira: So do you, darling. I let you in. CUT TO: corridor. Frasier is sitting, waiting for Roz. Frasier: [to passing residents] Good afternoon. How do you do? A voice calls from an open door. Norman: [o.s.] Is that Dr. Crane? Frasier: Yes. Norman: Dr. Frasier Crane? Frasier: [going into room] Yes. Have we met? CUT TO: Norman's Room as Frasier enters. Norman: No, but I thought that was you. I recognized your voice from the radio. I listen to your program all the time. Norman Webster. He holds out his hand. Frasier realizes that Norman is blind. Frasier: [shaking hands] Well ah, it's my pleasure. Norman: Are you here visiting somebody? Frasier: Oh no. I'm just here with a friend of mine, Roz. She's here doing some community service. Norman: Ah, the Angel of Death, nice girl. Y'know, I remember one day I was listening to your program, and ah, it was right after my wife died and I was going through kind of a rough patch. You told this guy who was going through the same thing that he should keep pictures of his wife around to help with the transition. That was a good idea. Frasier: So you started keeping pictures of her? Norman: That wouldn't make much sense now, would it? Frasier: Well, no. Well, what did you do? Norman: Well, I remembered when we were dating, Helen made this life mask of herself for art class, and I had my daughter dig through the attic, and lo and behold, [picks up porcelain mask] she found it. This is the way she looked when we met. Isn't she beautiful? Frasier: Oh yes. Norman: So you were right. Every night, before I fall asleep, I run my fingers over Helen's beautiful face, and it takes me back to all those wonderful years we had together. It made a world of difference. [carefully places mask on table] I want to thank you. You really helped me. Frasier: You've no idea how nice it is to hear that. Norman's beeper goes off. Norman: Would you excuse me? It's time for me to take one of my many pills. Make yourself at home. [goes into bathroom] Frasier: Thank you. Frasier picks up the mask and admires it. He then closes his eyes and runs his fingers over it. In the process, he manages to drop it. We hear it smashing. Norman: [from bathroom] What was that? Frasier: Nothing! Nothing, ahh, I just knocked your ashtray over. Norman: [re-entering room] I hope it wasn't damaged. My grandson made that for me at summer camp. Frasier: Oh no, it's intact. Not the tiniest chip. He picks up the mask. The nose is missing. Norman: Set it back on the table. You know how attached you get to family things. Do you have children, Dr Crane? Frasier: [on his knees, looking for the missing nose] Yes. Norman: Dr Crane, are you on the floor? Frasier: I was just ah, tying my shoelace. Yes, yes I have a son. I'd much rather hear about your family. [searches under bed] Norman: Well, I have four sons and one daughter. You wouldn't happen to be single now by any chance, Dr Crane? Frasier: [resurfacing long enough to say] As a matter of fact, I am. Norman: So's my daughter. I'll tell you about her first. She's a sweet thing. Beautiful, too. Just like her mother. [Frasier finds the missing piece, gets up] Same cheekbones, same nose. Frasier: [looks at the nose in his hand] What a lovely nose it is. CUT TO: Moira's room. She is telling a story. Roz is engrossed. Moira: So there are four of us in the raft, and I see we're heading into a patch of white water. Suddenly, we slam into a rock, and the next thing I know my teeth are flying into the Colorado River. I damn near dived in after them. Those teeth cost more than the whole trip. Roz: You've had quite a life. Moira: I suppose. Never got arrested, though. Good for you. Roz: It wasn't so great. Y'know, it was the first time I ever got pulled over and couldn't flirt my way past it. Moira: Oh, that's almost as bad as the first time somebody calls you "Ma'am." Roz: That happened the other day. It's been kind of a rough week. Moira: I bet I know just what you're thinking: this is only the beginning. It's only gonna get worse from here. Roz: Well, yeah. Moira: I'm eighty-one now. And every morning, I open my eyes and I see the sun streaming through the window. I hear the birds chirping, I smell the coffee brewing down the hall, and I walk into the bathroom and I look into the mirror. And do you know what I say to myself? Roz: [almost mesmerized] What? Moira: AARGHHH! Roz: [shocked] What the hell is that?! Moira: That's the second thing I say! The point is, it is only gonna get worse from where you are right now. Well, what did you want me to say? "Life gets better with every passing year?" You want to hear that, you go talk to Mrs. Adleman. You can't miss her. She's the one in the TV room with the inflatable seahorse around her waist. Roz: Well you're not making me feel any better, Moira. Moira: It's 'coz I can't. Nobody likes to get older. But it doesn't mean you can't enjoy yourself. I'll tell you a funny story. Last Thursday, I hacked into the main computer here and changed the schedule. So now, I get all my sponge-baths from Eduardo. Roz: You're kidding me. Moira: Look, you're way too young to be concerned about all this. Don't waste the best years of your life worrying about something you can't control. Roz: I know. I know you're right. Y'know, I wouldn't care about getting older if I thought my mind was gonna be as sharp as yours is. Moira: I'll tell you a funny story. Last Thursday, I hacked into the main computer here and changed the schedule. And now, I get all my sponge-baths from Eduardo. CUT TO: Norman's room. Frasier is searching the room for some glue. The broken mask is lying on the bed. Norman: With the exception of not being able to watch Willie Mays steal second, or Michael Jordan on a breakaway dunk, not a whole lot I feel I missed out on. Frasier: [looking through a chest of drawers, quietly] Uh-huh. Ah, listen, you got any glue around here? Norman: I don't think so. Why? Frasier: Ah, the onyx has popped out of my cufflink and ahh, I was just hoping I might be able to re-affix it. Norman: The closest thing I have is denture adhesive, it's on the dresser. Frasier: Oh good, good. It's worth a try. [starts putting adhesive on the mask] Norman: These pills may keep me alive, but they sure don't keep me awake. You find it? [goes over to bed] Frasier: Yes. Yes, you know I think this just might do the trick. He reaches for the nose, but too late. Norman sits on it. Norman: You know, the worst part about all this is that I used to be the kind of person that never got tired. Frasier: [trying to get Norman to stand] You know, perhaps we should take a brisk walk. Get that old circulation going! Norman: No, that's okay. It's close to my bedtime anyway. Frasier creeps over to the door, knocks on it and rushes back. Frasier: Seems like you have a visitor, Norman. Norman: [without getting up] Come in... Come in... Probably Mrs. Adleman. She was an Avon lady before she lost her mind. Frasier: You know, my goodness, that is a smashing robe. You know, I'm in the market for one like it myself. Why don't you stand up, maybe I can read the label. Norman: [bending over] Come over here and have a look. I seem to be sitting on something. [stands up] Frasier: Ooh! My cufflink! [grabs the nose and re-affixes it] All right, you know, I'll just ahh, place it back in here carefully and... a-ha. Well, there we go. Good as new. Yes well ah, Norman, I can't tell you what a nice time it's been spending the day with you. Norman: It was nice of you to drop by. Frasier: [going to the bedtable to put mask back] My pleasure. Norman: Oh, you're over there? Frasier: Oh yeah, I was just having one last look at Helen. Norman: Isn't she beautiful? Such delicate features. Frasier: [with feeling] They certainly are. Well Norman, it was a real pleasure. I hope you keep listening to my show. Norman: I sure will. You're a good man. Not a lot of people left with your kind of integrity. Frasier leaves. Out in the corridor, his conscience bites. He re-enters. Frasier: Norman, ah... I have a little confession to make. I didn't... I didn't drop your ashtray, I dropped the mask. The nose broke off. I feel just terrible. Norman: Well, that's why you needed my denture adhesive? Frasier: Yes. Norman: Usually, it works pretty well. I must have dropped that mask ten times... I am blind, you know. Frasier: Well, certainly is a relief to hear that. Well you know, I better get out of here before I do any further damage. It was great meeting you. [goes to leave] Would you like me to leave the light on or off? Norman: Surprise me. End of Act Two. [SCENE_BREAK] Roz is reading a book to Moira when Eduardo - a virile male nurse - comes in with his sponge and tub. Roz hovers by him until Moira shoos her away.

Plan: A: While out driving; Q: When did Frasier and Niles discover Roz? A: litter; Q: What is Roz collecting? A: a speeding offence; Q: What was Roz's community service for? A: ageing; Q: What is Roz afraid of? A: checkers; Q: What game were Frasier and Roz playing? A: Mr Krantz; Q: Who was the first man Roz played checkers with? A: Mr Gouldenstein; Q: Who was the second man to die while Roz was reading to him? Summary: While out driving, Frasier and Niles discover Roz collecting litter from the side of the road with a group of other people. She explains that this is community service for a speeding offence, and she chose this option rather than visiting a retirement home, due to her fear of ageing. Frasier persuades her to confront her fear, but while playing checkers with an elderly gentleman (Mr Krantz), he dies mid-game. Frasier insists she persevere, but then another man (Mr Gouldenstein) dies while she reads to him.

Scene: The Apartment Howard: Okay, Raj, hand me the number six torque screwdriver. Sheldon: Stop. We can't do this, it's not right. Raj: Sheldon, you have two choices. Either you let him put a bigger hard drive in the TiVo, or you delete stuff before we go out of town. Sheldon: But once you open the box, you've voided the warranty. The warranty is a sacred covenant we've entered into with the manufacturer. He offers to stand by his equipment, and we in return agree not to violate the integrity of the internal hardware. This little orange sticker is all that stands between us and anarchy. Leonard: Okay, then we won't touch the hard drive. We'll just erase the first season of Battlestar. Sheldon (ripping off sticker): There. We're outlaws. Penny (entering with a pink suitcase): Here you go, Leonard. Is this going to be big enough? Leonard: It's perfect. Howard: For taking daffodils to your unicorn. Leonard: It's just for my notebooks. Thanks, Penny. Penny: Oh, I love San Francisco. I wish I was going with you. Sheldon: I understand your envy. This is a can't-miss symposium. There are going to be discussions on bioorganic cellular computer devices, the advancements in multi-threaded task completion, plus a roundtable on the nonequilibrium Green's function approach to the photoionization process in atoms. Penny: When I go, I usually just get hammered and ride the cable cars. Leonard: This conference is kind of a big thing. The keynote address is being delivered by George Smoot. Penny: Oh, my God, the George Smoot? Leonard: You've heard of him? Penny: Of course I haven't. Sheldon: George Smoot is a Nobel Prize-winning physicist, one of the great minds of our time. His work in black body form and anisotropy of the cosmic microwave background radiation cemented our understanding of the origin of the universe. Penny: It's kind of a funny name, though, Smoot. Sheldon: It's like talking to a chimp. Penny: Okay, now that I've been completely insulted, have a good flight. Leonard: Yeah, I wish. Sheldon: We're not flying, we're taking the train. Penny: Oh, cool. Howard: Yeah, cool. Seven times as long as flying, and costs almost twice as much. Penny: Well, then why are you doing it? Leonard: Well, we had a vote. Three of us voted for airplane, Sheldon voted for train, so we're taking the train. Sheldon: Don't say it like that, Leonard, say it like: we're taking the train! Credits sequence. Scene: Sheldon's bedroom. Leonard: Hey, we're all going over to the Apple store to make fun of the guys at the Genius Bar. You want to come? Sheldon: Oh, I always enjoy that, but I'm a little busy. Leonard: What are you doing? Sheldon: I'm simplifying the task of packing for our trip. See, by attaching RFID tags to my clothing, it will enable my laptop to read and identify the items with this wand. I will then cross-reference them against destination, anticipated activity spectrum, weather conditions, duration of trip, et cetera. Leonard: Well, that does sound much simpler. How long is this going to take? Sheldon: Assuming I can keep up this pace, three hours, 11 minutes, and plus however long it takes to conclude this fairly pointless conversation. Leonard: Wow. Teasing the guys at the Apple store seems a little redundant now. Sheldon: I don't follow. Leonard: I wouldn't expect you to. I'll see you later. Sheldon: Socks, one pair, cotton, argyle, blue. Socks, one pair, cotton, argyle, blue. Scene: On the train. Sheldon: What on earth are you doing? Raj: Whatever it is, I'm guessing we're doing it wrong. Sheldon: Gentlemen, this is the Coast Starlight, one of the great American trains operating on one of the classic American routes. On this side, you'll see panoramic ocean vistas inaccessible to any other form of transportation, while on your side, you'll be treated to 350 miles of CostCos, Jiffy Lubes, and cinderblock homes with above-ground pools. Howard: Come on, Raj. Raj: What's wrong with Jiffy Lubes? Sheldon: No. Leonard: Why not? Sheldon: That's over the wheelbase. Are you completely unfamiliar with the suspension characteristics of a pre-1980 Pullman-built Superliner Deluxe passenger coach? Leonard: Sheldon, we've been on this train 90 seconds, and you've already said a thousand words. Just tell us where to sit and shut up. Sheldon: Here. I'm hoping once you reap the endorphic rewards of the steady clickety-clack of steel wheels on polished rails, your sour disposition will abate. Leonard: Yeah, maybe. Meanwhile back in the 21st century, people are raising their tray tables and putting their seat-backs in an upright position 'cause it's time to land in San Francisco. Raj: It's not so bad, really. At least these trains have modern plumbing. In India, you squat over a hole in the train and expose your naked buttocks to the chilly air of Rajasthan. Sheldon: He is referring, of course, to third class on Indian Railways' magnificent Ranakpur Express and its twelve hundred kilometer journey from Maharashtra to the Bikaner Junction. Leonard: Oh, look, now he's boring on an international scale. Raj: Holy crap! Look! Leonard: Is that who I think it is? Howard: It can't be. What would Summer Glau be doing riding the train? Leonard: Maybe John Connor's aboard and she's protecting him from an evil Terminator. Sheldon: Unlikely. That's a television show, Leonard. Leonard: Thank you. Sheldon: Of course, if SkyNet actually did exist in the future, a perfect way to infiltrate and destroy mankind would be to send Terminators back posing as actors who have played Terminators in popular films and television series, lulling us into a false sense of security, i.e., that's Summer Glau from The Sarah Connor Chronicles. No, Summer, don't kill me! I'm pro-robot! Ahh! Leonard: At least he's off the train crap. Sheldon: Whee! Howard: Sheldon, I owe you an apology. Taking the train was a stroke of brilliance! I've actually got a shot at a Terminator. Raj: Oh, please.When it comes to Terminators, you've got a better shot of scoring with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Howard: You're overlooking something. I have 11 hours with her in a confined space. Unless she's willing to jump off a moving train, tuck and roll down the side of a hill, she will eventually succumb to the acquired taste that is Howard Wolowitz. Leonard: My money's on tuck and roll. Sheldon: I'm confused. I thought you were involved in some sort of socially intimate pairing with Leslie Winkle. Howard: Sheldon, let me explain to you how this works. Sheldon: All right. Howard: That's Summer Glau. Sheldon: Yes. Howard: That's it. Raj: Hang on a sec. Why do you get first crack at her? Howard: Um, well, let's see, couple reasons. One, I saw her first. Raj: No, you didn't. I did. Howard: Fair enough. But then let me move on to number two, unlike you, I can actually talk to women when I'm sober. Raj: You fail to take into account that even mute, I am foreign and exotic, while you, on the other hand, are frail and pasty. Howard: Well, you know the old saying, pasty and frail never fail. Leonard: Excuse me, but what about me? Why don't I get a shot? Howard: Fine, go ahead. Take a shot. Leonard: You know, I've already got a gorgeous blonde back home at I can't score with. I think I'll let you two take this one. Raj: Sheldon, is there a place on this train to get alcohol? Sheldon: Interesting that you ask. The Coast Starlight recently added the refurbished Pacific Parlour Car. Built in 1956 and originally known as the Santa Fe Lounge Car, the lower level is a theatre... Raj: Yeah-yeah, which way? Sheldon: and the upper level is a bar that offers wine tastings if you're going as far as Portland. Leonard: So aren't you going to go talk to her? Howard: I will, I'm just working on my opening line. Leonard: She's probably heard every possible line, Howard. Why don't you just try hello? Howard: No, no, no, that always creeps girls out. I need to come up with something that's funny, smart and delicately suggests that my sexual endowment is disproportionate to my physical stature. Leonard: You're going to need more than 11 hours. Sheldon: Oh, no. Leonard: What's the matter? Sheldon: I forgot my flash drive. Leonard: So? Sheldon: So we have to go back. Leonard: Okay, Sheldon, I'm going to say why and your answer cannot be because I forgot my flash drive. Sheldon: You don't understand. My flash drive has my paper on astrophysical probes of M-theory effects in the early universe that I was going to give to George Smoot at the conference. Leonard: Why do you have to give your paper to George Smoot? Sheldon: It's brilliant. He needs to read it. Leonard: So you'll send him an e-mail when we get back. Sheldon: Then I won't get to see his face light up as he reads it. Leonard: Right. Of course. Sheldon: Oh, this is an unmitigated disaster. Leonard: Well, there's nothing you can do about it, so relax, sit back, enjoy the clickety-clack of the steel wheels on the polished rails. Sheldon: You forgot your flash drive, You forgot your flash drive (repeated over and over in time to the sound of the train) Leonard: Only ten hours, 55 minutes to go. Time Shift. Howard (steeling himself to talk to Summer Glau, to himself): It's hot in here. Must be Summer. (Walks towards her, then walks straight past. Returns, makes to talk to her, then turns to two nuns over the other side of the corridor) So, where you gals headed? Sheldon: Okay, I've found the perfect solution. We get off the train at the next stop in Oxnard. We then take the 1:13 train back to Union Station. We take a cab back to the apartment, get my flash drive, and then race to San Luis Obispo, where, assuming the lights are with us and minimal traffic, we'll meet the train. Leonard: I've got a better idea. Sheldon: Are you going to be sarcastic? Leonard: Boy, you take all the fun out of it for me. But look, Penny's home. Why don't we just call her, have her go in the apartment, get your flash drive and e-mail you the paper? Sheldon: But the flash drive is in a locked drawer in my desk. Leonard: So? Sheldon: The key is hidden in my room. Leonard: So? Sheldon: Penny would have to go into my room. Leonard: So? Sheldon: People don't go in my room! Leonard: I see. Well, it seems once again, you're caught between a rock and a crazy place. Sheldon: Oh, I hate when that happens. Howard (to self): It's hot in here. It must be Summer. It's hot in here. Must be Summer. It's hot in here. Must be Summer. Raj (walking past and straight up to Summer Glau): It's hot in here. Must be Summer. Summer: That's cute. Raj: Really? I just made it up. Have you seen Slumdog Millionaire? Summer: Oh, yeah, I loved it. Raj: It's loosely based on my life. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny is on the phone. Penny: Yeah, we're putting the play on for one night in this little 99-seat theatre. Can you come? Oh, great. Do you know 98 other people that might want to come? Oh, hang on. (Switches to another line) Hello? Sheldon (on phone): Listen carefully. I'm about to give you a set of instructions, which you must follow to the letter. Penny: Just a sec. (Switches back to first line) The theatre is above a bowling alley, so it's a little noisy, but it might be the only chance I'll ever get to play Anne Frank. And the director is brilliant. He uses the bowling sounds as, like, Nazi artillery. Okay, great, I'll see you then. (Switches line again) Hello? Sheldon: Okay, step four. Do you see that small plastic case on my dresser? Penny: Your dresser? Who is this? Sheldon: It's Sheldon. Penny: Oh, hey, Sheldon! How is San Francisco? Sheldon: I'm not in San Francisco. I'm on a train. Were you even listening to me? Penny: Uh, no, I was talking to my friend, but what's up? Sheldon: What's up? I'll tell you what's up. I'm in a crisis situation, and I need you to marshal your powers of concentration, limited as they may be... Leonard: Give me the phone. Hi, Penny. It's Leonard. Penny: Hey, Leonard. What's going on with Dr. Wackadoodle? Leonard: He's calling to ask you a favour. You might be confused because he didn't use the words, Penny, Sheldon, please or favour. Sheldon: Okay. Enough chitchat. Okay, step one, locate your emergency key to our apartment. Step two, enter our apartment. Step three, enter my bedroom. Penny: Oh, hang on, Sheldon, getting another call. Sheldon: No! Leonard, let me tell you something. Personal robots cannot get here soon enough. Raj: And that bright little star peeking her head out early today, that's Venus. Summer: That is so cool. You really know a lot about space. Raj: Come on. When you were on TV in Firefly, you were actually in space. Summer: You're not one of those guys who really believe that, are you? Raj: You mean one of the hopeless geeks? No. Those are crazy people. Howard, be a dear and get me another one of these. Now, him, he's one of those geeks. Sheldon: All right, now, before you enter my bedroom unescorted, I need you to understand that this onetime grant of access does not create a permanent easement. Easement. It's a legal right of access. Good grief. What? No, don't put me on hold. Oh! Howard: Do you believe him? Normally around women, he has the personality of a boiled potato. Put one beer in him, and he's M. Night Charmalarmalon. Leonard: Is that what he's drinking? It's not even real beer. Howard: What? Leonard: Look at it. Non-alcoholic beer. Howard: What's going on? Leonard: I don't know. Some sort of placebo effect, I guess. Howard: Placebo, you say. Interesting. Sheldon: Yes, I'm still here. Where am I going? I'm on a train. Now, what you'll be looking for is a small wooden box located between a Hoberman's sphere and a sample of quartz flecked with pyrite. Hoberman's Sphere. It's a collapsible icosidodecahedron. No, the thing with the time on it is my alarm clock. Raj: Actually, in India, the names of constellations are different. Where you have the Big Dipper, we have the Big Curry Pot. Summer: You're making that up. Raj: You got me. Now what are you going to do with me? Howard: Raj. Raj: Yes? Howard: Look. Raj: What am I looking at? Howard: You tell me. Raj: Non-alcoholic bee-ee-eeuh (Runs off) Howard: Hi, I'm the small package good things come in. Penny: Okay, I got a box, but there's no key in here. Just letters. Sheldon: That's the wrong box. Put it back. Penny: Oh, Sheldon, are these letters from your grandmother? Sheldon: Don't read those letters! Penny: Oh, look, she calls you Moon Pie. That is so cute. Sheldon: Put down the letters! Leonard: Hey, Penny. It's Leonard. Penny: Hey, Leonard. How's the train ride? Leonard: Delightful. Listen, I don't know what you're doing right now, but there are little bubbles forming on the corners of Sheldon's mouth. Penny: Okay, yeah, I kind of crossed a line. Put him back on. Leonard: Thank you. Sheldon: I'm back. Penny: What up, Moon Pie? Sheldon: Nobody calls me Moon Pie but Meemaw! Leonard: Hey, Penny. Leonard again. Howard: So anyway, in the dream, you and I were ice skating, just the two of us. And then, I picked you up by your ankles and twirled you round and round until your legs tore off. I tried to stick them back on, but before I could, you turned into a giant loaf of pumpernickel bread. What do you think that means? Summer (uncomfortable): I really don't know. Howard: I'll give you a little clue. My favourite sandwich? Salami on pumpernickel. Summer: Is that so? Howard: And did you know the word "pumpernickel" comes from the German words pumper and nickel, which loosely translates to fart goblin? Summer: No. I didn't. Penny: Okay, I found the box. Now what? Sheldon: You're holding a Japanese puzzle box, which takes ten precise moves to open. First, locate the panel with the diamond pattern and slide the centre portion one millimetre to the left. Then, on the opposite end of the box, slide the entire panel down two millimetres. You'll hear a slight click. Penny: Hang on. Sheldon, do you have any emotional attachment to this box? Sheldon: No, it's a novelty I ordered off the Internet. Now, did you hear the click? Penny: Not yet. (Puts box on ground and stomps on it)There it is. Howard: Okay, here's another one. If you married the famous rock guitarist Johnny Winter, you'd be Summer Winter. Summer: Uh-huh. Howard: Okay, I'm going to just go for broke here and say I like you. Summer: Yeah? Howard: So here's my question, do you realistically see any conversational path that would take me from where we are right now to a place where I could ask you out and you'd say yes? Summer: No. Howard: Fair enough. I'll leave you in peace. Summer: Thank you. Howard: But before I go, would you mind if I just take one picture of us together for my Facebook page? Summer: Sure. Howard: Okay. Great. Now, can I take one where it looks like we're making out? Sheldon: Okay, now you're going to insert the flash drive into the USB port. She calls me Moon Pie because I'm nummy-nummy and she could just eat me up, now, please put the flash drive in the USB port. The one that looks like a little duck's mouth. Leonard: Hey, how'd it go? Howard: Terminator broke my phone. Leonard: Excuse me. (Goes down to Summer) Okay, I'll be honest with you. I've just spent the last two hours imagining various scenarios in my head, trying to come up with some clever line to say to you. But then I finally realized you're a human being; I'm a human being. I could just say to you... Announcer: Next stop: Santa Barbara. Summer: I'm sorry. This is me. Leonard: Hi, my name's Leonard. Scene: The conference. Sheldon: So, I'm thinking, you won the Nobel Prize what, three years ago? So you must deal with a whole lot of what has Smoot done lately? My thought is we continue my research as a team, you know, Cooper-Smoot, alphabetical, and when we win the Nobel Prize, you'll be back on top. George Smoot: With all due respect, Dr. Cooper, are you on crack? Sheldon: Fine! Smoot-Cooper. Wow, what a diva.

Plan: A: The guys; Q: Who takes a trip to San Francisco? A: San Francisco; Q: Where did the guys go to meet Dr. George Smoot? A: 2006 Nobel Prize laureate; Q: What is Dr. George Smoot's claim to fame? A: Dr. George Smoot; Q: Who is the guest speaker at the conference? A: Summer Glau; Q: Who does Raj meet on the train? A: Raj; Q: Who was the first to approach Summer? A: Howard; Q: Who points out that Raj drank non-alcoholic beer? A: a placebo effect; Q: What effect did Raj's non-alcoholic beer have on him? A: his usual selective mutism; Q: What does Raj revert to after Howard tells him he drank non-alcoholic beer? A: his awkward style; Q: What creeps Summer out? A: Leonard; Q: Who was the last person to try to talk to Summer? A: Sheldon; Q: Who realizes he forgot the USB flash drive? A: Penny; Q: Who helps Sheldon find his USB flash drive? A: Dr. Cooper; Q: Who does Dr. Smoot ask if they are on crack? Summary: The guys take a trip to a conference in San Francisco to meet guest speaker and 2006 Nobel Prize laureate Dr. George Smoot. On the train, the guys notice Summer Glau of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles is on their car. Raj drinks a beer before being the first to approach her, and they get on well until Howard discovers Raj actually drank non-alcoholic beer, which apparently had a placebo effect, and points this out to Raj who thereupon reverts to his usual selective mutism. Howard then takes over, but creeps Summer out with his awkward style. Leonard finally gets his chance, but Summer gets off the train before he can introduce himself. Meanwhile, Sheldon realizes he forgot the USB flash drive with the paper he wants to show to Smoot, and needs extensive help from Penny to find it and email it to him. At the conference, however, Smoot is not impressed by Sheldon, asking "With all due respect, Dr. Cooper, are you on crack?"

Michael: Ok, well I did not get the job in New York, but I got the real prize, domestic bliss. Jan made me breakfast this morning... well she bought the milk. It's soy. [walks into bedroom, Jan sleeping on bed] This is why I do it, that's what I have to come home to. [sighs] She probably won't be up for a few hours. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: This is going to be a very good year. Very good. Jan is at home. Jim is back. My protege Ryan is at corporate. Good stuff. Um... Andy and Dwight are rockin' the sales team. I feel very blessed. [slams on breaks, camera turns, Meredith rolls off the hood] [SCENE_BREAK] IT Tech Guy: You know generally it's not a good idea to click on offers that you haven't requested. What was the exact offer? Pam: It was for a video. IT Tech Guy: Yeah, what kind of video? Pam: A celebrity s*x tape. Jim: Really, what kind of celebrity? Pam: Not relevant. Jim: How much did you pay for it? Pam: Not relevant. Jim: You paid for it? Pam: It all happened so fast. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I broke up with Karen after the job interview, and uh... it was a little awkward when she came back from the city. She told me, very clearly, just because we were broken up didn't mean she was going anywhere, because she worked really hard for her career. But the next day her desk was empty, and as for me and my current romantic life, I uh... I'm single now and looking, so if you know anybody. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Jim and I went to dinner a few times when he got back from New York. I talked him through his break up. It's really nice to be good friends again. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Are you kidding me, Pam and Jim are totally hooking up. All they do is smile; they're just keeping it a secret. Right? [looks at Oscar] Oscar: I don't know, there is no evidence of intimacy. They've been in remarkably good moods. It could be other things. Kevin: Are you kidding me? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: And Sunday I'm thinking of going to that flea-market at the drive-in. Jim: Oh that sounds fun. I'm mountain biking on Sunday. On Montage Mountain. Pam: Cool. Jim: Yeah. Pam: Well have fun with that. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Ladies and Gentlemen. I have some bad news. Meredith was hit by a car. Jim: What? Dwight: Where? Michael: It happened this morning in the parking lot. I took her to the hospital, and the doctors tried to save her life. They did the best that they could... And she is going to be OK. Stanley: What is wrong with you? Why did you have to phrase it like that? Oscar: So she's really going to be fine? Michael: Yes. She has a slight pelvical fracture, but, ah... people have survived far worse. Pam: Thank God you were there. Michael: Yeah. Andy: Did you see who did it? Dwight: No need we can just check the security tapes. Michael: Gah. Kind of a good news bad news there. I was able to be on the scene so quickly because I was in the car that hit her. Jim: Who was driving? Pam: Oh, Michael. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: One day Michael came in complaining about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: It's only Meredith. Michael: Yeah, it's only Meredith, thank God. But did you see the way they looked at me? Like I was a murderer or something. Dwight: Hey... Why did you do it? Michael: It was an accident. Dwight: Was she talkin' back? Michael: No. Dwight: Did you get sick of that face? Did she owe you money? Uh-oh. Is this downsizing? Did she spurn your advances? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey guys, we're all gonna visit Meredith at lunch. And we're kicking in $5 for flowers. Kevin: Who's we, you and Jim? Pam: No, uh, me Stanley and Phyllis so far. Kevin: Oh, I bet Jim goes too. Pam: Yeah, I haven't asked him yet. Kevin: Oh, I bet you ask? Pam: I was planning on it. Kevin: I bet you were. Pam: Angela? Oscar: [whispers to Kevin] Subtle. Kevin: What Pam: [to Angela] Are you coming? Angela: I can't, Sprinkles is sick. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: She's been sick for some time. Thank you for asking, no one asks... about Sprinkles. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: I have to give her her meds, I have to pet her, and who will she eat lunch with? Pam: Can't your other cats keep her company. Angela: There's bad blood, jealousies, cliques. Pam: Angela, you're the chairman of the party planning committee. I shouldn't even be planning this, it's your job. Angela: [sighs] All right! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: My lord my liege. Ryan: Yes Michael? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: So Ryan got promoted to corporate, where he is a little fish in a big pond. Whereas back here in Scranton I am still top dog, in a fairly large pond. So who is the real boss? The dog or a fish? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: So I need a little treat for the gang. Something to win their affections back. Ryan: Back? Why is that Michael? Michael: Well, I ran down Meredith in my car. Ryan: Oh! Did you do this on purpose? Michael: No, I was being negligent. But she's in the hospital, she's fine, recovering nicely. Tiny little crack in her pelvis. But she will be up in... Ryan: Did this happen on company property? Michael: Yes. It was on company property, with company property, so... double jeopardy, we are fine. Ryan: I don't think you understand how jeopardy works. Michael: Oh, right, I'm sorry. What is: we are fine? Ryan: [sigh] [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: People keep calling me a "Wunderkind"; I don't even know what that means. I mean, I know what it means, it means very successful for your age, so I guess it makes sense, but... it's a weird word. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Hey D. Dwight: Hey monkey, what's up? Angela: Can you do me a little favor? Go to my place at lunch and give Sprinkles her medicine. Dwight: Sure. Angela: I have to visit the alchy. Dwight: Check to see if she's faking. If a car hit me, it wouldn't crack my pelvis. You know what; I bet she cracked it at home. Jumped in front of the car to get some workers comp. Angela: I wouldn't put it past her. Dwight: So what do you need me to do? Angela: I wrote it out. Dwight: Mm-hmm. Angela: There's a diabetes shot, roll the insulin in your hand, don't shake it. She gets an ace inhibitor with her meal, but you have to put her right in front of the dish or she won't see it because of the cataracts. Mix one capsule of omega fatty acid in with her kidney medicine, um... and you want to give that to her 15 minutes after she's eaten. And, oh and there's a fungal cream because she has this infection under her tail, so you're gonna have to lift her tail and put the cream right at the base of her tail. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Ok, I have an announcement. Oscar: You pushed Darryl out the window? Michael: No. Phyllis: You shot Dwight? Michael: No! That is not funny, I love my employees, even thought I hit one of you with my car. For which I take full responsibility. Look I'm just trying to take everybody's mind off of this unavoidable tragedy, and onto more positive things. So I thought we should plant a tree. Jim: Oh good, so we don't have to work. Pam: OK, we're leaving for the hospital at 1. Michael: So, like a freedom tree. Pam: I can take 3 people. Jim: I can also take 3 people. Oscar: [to Kevin] Separate cars. Michael: Pam. Pam: Alright, I will get a card at the hospital and we'll sign it outside her room. Michael: Pam. Pam: Sales people can go later in the day. Hourly works can go at lunch. Michael: Ok, good good, so we'll just all go down there together at lunch. Pam: I... Michael: Excellent! Pam: I was thinking that we... Michael: Good work Pam. Pam: But... Michael: Yaaaaaay, Pam! Alright, since I am the boss I will drive as well. Who wants shotgun? Stanley: You can't be serious. You ran a woman over this morning. Michael: Everyone inside the car was fine, Stanley! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Eww. I hate hospitals. In my mind they are associated with sickness. Oh... She looks like an angel. Kelly: She looks awful. Michael: No... OK, she always looks like that... That is not my fault. Jim: I think she's awake. Michael: No... She's in a coma. Nurse: No. Michael: OK... Meredith, [hauntingly] Ooooohhhhh. I brought all your friends from the office dear. Meredith: At the same time. Michael: Yeah. Stanley: Hello Meredith. Meredith: This is weird. Michael: Brought you some balloons. Why don't we... here you go. [wraps them around her IV] Tie these up, cheer up your tubes... [IV pops out] Oh! Shhhh... For God's sake! Kevin: Whoa! Michael: Nurse. Meredith: No don't bother the nurse, just put it back in. Michael: [groaning] I am going to be sick... I'm gonna puke. Jim: I wouldn't... I wouldn't worry about it. Don't touch it. Nurse: What, what are you doing? Just gimme that. Meredith: Thanks. Kevin: [applauds] Phyllis: Does it hurt terribly? Meredith: No, it's not too bad. They have me on a lot of painkillers. Creed: Oh really, what kind? Codeine, Vicodin, Percocet, Fentanyl, Oxycontin, Palladone? What... Meredith: I have no idea. Creed: Oh. [laughs] Meredith: Well it was really great of all of you to come and visit me at the same time. I'll see you guys at the office. Michael: Oh, OK... Wait up, wait up, guys guys guys, hold on a second. You know what I was thinking might be sort of fun? Is if you forgave me in front of everybody. Meredith: Michael, I'm not gonna do that. Michael: Cause you know what they say in the Bible about forgiveness? Forgiveness is next to Godliness. Angela: No, that's not. That's next to cleanliness. Michael: Well, just shhhh... just just... Meredith: You cracked my pelvis Michael: Look, I just... I don't understand what is preventing you from laughing this off and giving me a big hug. Meredith: You're not forgiven. Michael: Come on. [starts to climb onto the bed with meredith. Pam: Michael! Michael! Meredith: [screams] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like a compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Hey. Dwight: Hey monkey. Angela: Any problems? Dwight: Well you left the TV on, and your cat is dead. Angela: What!? Dwight: Sparkles, the white one, is dead. Angela: Sprinkles. Dwight: That was the sick one, right? Angela: Uh-huh. But I thought she had more time. Dwight: No. Angela: Did she look... When you saw her how was she looking? Dwight: Really dead. Like a... just a dead cat. Angela: [sobbing] Dwight: So... Hey come on, don't be sad, just... OK... just. She's in a better place. Angela: Alright. Dwight: Actually the place that she's in is the freezer, because of the odor. Angela: [still sobbing] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [to Angela] It's gonna be OK. Michael: OK, you know what? Everybody, let's just get over the whole Meredith thing. She cracked her pelvis, a tiny little crack. She going to be fine, so let's just... Pam: Michael, Angela's cat died. Michael: Sprinkles? Angela: [nods] Michael: [sighs] Oh, sh... I'm sorry Angela. Man what a day huh? How could it get any worse? Her computer crashes with the p0rn, and then Meredith with the accident, and then... Sprinkles! God, that's 3 things. I'll tell you what's going on. This office is cursed, and we need to do something about it. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Well, I am taking responsibility. It is up to me to get rid of the curse that hit Meredith with my car. I'm not superstitious, but... I'm... I am a little-stitious. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Did anyone do anything involving an Indian burial ground? Oscar: Like what? Michael: Like park on it. Or dig up a body... Toby? Anything you want to tell us? Toby: No, I did not violate an Indian burial ground. In fact I had some good luck recently, Alfredo's Pizza, picked my business card out of the basket, so... uh, I got a week of free pies. Pam: That's cool. Toby: Yeah. Michael: Perfect. So our tragedy is your good luck. Satan. Angela: Sprinkles never hurt a soul. God in your infinite wisdom how could you do this? She wasn't ready. She had so much left to accomplish. Dwight: She's only a cat. Angela: You never... you don't like them. Dwight: Cats do not provide milk or wool or meat. Oscar: Dwight please! Michael: Dwight, you haven't seen Meredith yet, have you? Dwight: No, I have not. Michael: Well, I think you should go to the hospital, and pay your respects. Dwight: I do not respect her, but I will go. Michael: Alright, I would now like to talk about each of your individual religious beliefs. Toby: Oh, Michael, you can't ask about religious beliefs... Michael: Satan is a master of lies. Everything he says is the opposite. Toby: Alright, well then you can ask about religious beliefs. Michael: Thank you for the permission. Psych! Alright let's just go around the room, and tell me what you believe in. Stanley: I'm... um, Catholic. Michael: OK. Darryl: Presbyterian. Michael: Alright. Pam: Oh me too. Darryl: Oh? Pam: [puts hand up for high five] Same religion. Darryl: Alright! [high fives Pam] Phyllis: I'm a Lutheran and Bob's a Unitarian. It keeps things spicy. Angela: That's why we're cursed. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: I've been involved in a number of cults, both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Kelly, you are Hindu, so you believe in Buddha. Kelly: That's Buddhist. Michael: Are you sure? Kelly: No. Michael: What are you? IT Tech Guy: Well if you're going to reduce my identity to my religion then I'm Sikh, but I also like Hip-hop and NPR, and I'm restoring a 1967 Corvette in my spare time. Michael: OK, 1 Sikh, and... [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: As a farmer, I know that when an animal is sick, sometimes the right thing to do is to put it out of its misery. With the electricity we're using to keep Meredith alive we could power a small fan for 2 days. You tell me what's unethical. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Blink once if you want me to pull the plug. Meredith: Don't pull any plugs. Intern: How are you doing Ms. Palmer? Meredith: Better. Intern: Excellent. Dwight: Are you a doctor, or a male nurse? Intern: Um... I'm an intern, which makes me a doctor, but... Dwight: Pfft... Her chart doesn't indicate that she had a hysterectomy but she did, or at least she got time off for one. Intern: Ah, so uh... so that is where her uterus went... Um, Ms. Palmer, your last tetanus shot was when you were bitten by a bat a few months ago? Meredith: Yes. Dwight here, trapped it in a bag against my head. Dwight: Just doing my job. Intern: It also says you were recently bitten by a raccoon? Meredith: And a rat. Separate occasions. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You spend your whole life trying to get people to like you, and then you run over one person with your car. [sighs] And it's not even one of the popular ones, and everybody gets on your case. Doesn't make any sense... God is dead. Kelly: If there was a God then Ryan and I would be married by now. Michael: Maybe believing in God was the mistake. What did people believe in before? The sun? Maybe there's some sort of animal, that we could make a sacrifice too. Like a giant buffalo, or some sort of monster, like something with the body of a walrus with the head of a sea lion. Or something with the body of an egret with the head of a meerkat. Or just... the head of a monkey, with the antlers of a reindeer, with, ah... the body of a porcupine. Jim: I will do some research. Pam: I can help you with that. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: So, just to be safe they are giving her the rabies vaccine. Michael: Oh God, Rabies? Dwight: Mm-hmm. Michael: I was in the hospital room with her. How contagious is that, is that like an STD? Dwight: No, no. You've gotta be bitten by something. Michael: This place is so cursed. Dwight: Actually the doctor said it was lucky she came in to the hospital, cause the only way to beat rabies, is to start treatment before the symptoms set in... Lock jaw. Michael: [walks out into the office] I know a lot of you are upset with me for endangering Meredith's life by hitting her, with my car. But it may make you feel a little better to know that before that happened, Dwight endangered her life, by putting a garbage bag over her head that had a bat in it. Jim: Six of one, really. Michael: Turns out Meredith has been exposed to rabies. Which is like 10 times worse than a little crack in your pelvis. Thanks to me she went to the hospital and I saved her life. Curse is broken. Curse is broken people! [Kevin claps] Oh... there is a God, and he has a plan for us after all. So go home get some rest, very very good work today. We got a lot accomplished. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Is there a God? If not, what are all the churches for? And who is Jesus' dad? [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [Pam walks out of the office into the parking lot alone. Kevin pops up from the back seat of his car as if spying] Oh well, if they aren't together now, then they probably never will be. I thought they'd be good together, like PB&J. Pam Beasley and Jim. What a waste. What - A - Waste! Pam: [Pam's car pulls out of parking lot and then off to the side of the road] I told you I'm not dating anyone. And even if I was, I don't think it's anyone's business. I mean, when I do fall in love, like when it's for real, the last person I'm gonna talk about it too is a camera crew, or my co-workers. [Jim gets into the passenger side] Almost marrying Roy Anderson was as close to Pamela Anderson as I ever want to be. [Jim leans over and kisses Pam] Trust me, when I fall in love, you'll know. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Michael Scott's Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton, Meredith Palmer memorial, celebrity rabies awareness, fun run race for the cure, this is Pam. Michael: Pro-Am. Pam: Pro-Am race for the... They hung up. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: A woman shouldn't have to be hit by a car, to learn that she may have rabies. But that is where we are in America. And that does not sit right with me. And that is why I'm hosting a fun run race for the cure for rabies. To raise awareness of the fact that there is a cure for rabies. A disease that has largely been eradicated in the US. But not very many people know that. [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: [on the phone] No, rabies... Babies would be a good idea. Can I put you down for a dime? Michael: Hi Stanley, how many sponsors so far? Stanley: Zero. Michael: Come on man, gotta step it up! It's for a good cause. Jan called this morning and pledged $500.00. Andy: Isn't that your money? Michael: That... is for a good cause. Phyllis, how's the rabies quilt coming? Phyllis: Oh, it's coming. Michael: Oh, look at that, 3. Way to honor Meredith, Phyllis. Kevin: Michael? Michael: Yes. Kevin: You cannot make me run. Michael: OK. [walks away] Kevin: It is not a real charity. It's stupid Michael, and I'm not gonna do it. Michael: Alright, alright. Kevin: You didn't run for me... Michael: Shhh... Kevin: ...when I thought I had skin cancer. Michael: I know that you're probably scared of people seeing your fat legs in shorts. Kevin: No. Michael: OK, well back in olden times, a large fat person, like this, was a person of power. A person who had money, could buy food, person of respect. Like the regional manager of the day. Whereas, someone athletic and trim, like myself, was someone who worked in the fields... And I was a peasant. Kevin: I just don't want to run. I didn't bring my sneakers or my clothes. Michael: Well, you're going to have to run, or you're going to be in a lot of trouble. It is not olden times anymore. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [in bathroom] I'm petrified of nipple chafing. Once it starts it is a vicious circle. If you have sensitive nipples, they chafe, so they become more sensitive, so they chafe more. So... I take precautions. [tapes a cotton ball to each nipple] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Hey Angela. Hey, um... I'm sorry about your cat. [Angela starts to cry] [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: This is Sprinkles. [holds up a picture] She was my best friend. I kept her going through countless ailments. I asked Dwight Schrute to feed her once, and she is now deceased. This is Halloween last year, [picture of Angela holding Sprinkles] just a couple of kittens [starts to cry] out on the town. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Pssst. I'm having relationship problems. And since you're always having relationship problems, I thought you'd be able to give me some advice. Pam: What's wrong? Angela: I have this crazy thought, that I know is crazy. That maybe Dwight killed my cat. Pam: Hmm... Angela: When I got home, Sprinkles' body was in the freezer where Dwight said he left her, but all my bags of frozen french fries had been clawed to shreds. Pam: Ah. Angela: Something's not right. The vet's doing an autopsy. Pam: Angela, I'm sorry. Angela: Did Roy ever kill one of your cats? Pam: I'm more of a dog person. Angela: [sighs] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: So what's your strategy for this race? Pam: Well I'm gonna start fast. Jim: Mm-hmm. Pam: Then I'm gonna run fast in the middle. Jim: What? Pam: Then I'm gonna end fast. Jim: Why won't more people do that? [laughs] Pam: Cause they're just stupid. Jim: [looks at camera] What? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [Pam and Jim watch video of their kiss on the tv] Oh, ah... No that's not... I mean that wasn't, ah... Pam: Yeah... That was um... Jim: I mean I can see how it would seem a bit like we uh... How it looks like um... I mean now a days you can edit anything, right? I mean you can edit anything to look like um... anything. Pam: Yeah, I gave him a ride home because... Jim: Right! Pam: ... We're dating. Jim: Wow! There it is. Pam: Ah, yeah. We haven't told anybody, but it's going really great. [looks at Jim] Right? Jim: It is going really great. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [Angela runs into Dwight] Oww! Angela: Shut up. Dwight: You're taking this out on me, but I was only the messenger. Angela: Oh, really? Dwight: [sighs] You'll feel better after the 5k. Exercise is good for depression. Angela: [pushes her chair into Dwight's legs] I'm not depressed I'm in grief. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: We have raised, almost $700.00, most of it from me and Jan. Um... when do they put that on the giant check? Or is that something that we write in later? Pam: Well a giant check costs about $200.00 to make up. I have a print shop standing by but... What do you think Michael, that's over 25% of our funds? Michael: Hmm... That's a tough decision. Um... I always imagined it with a giant check. So... Jim: Yeah, I mean I personally am definitely on board for the giant check. Pam: Giant check it is. Jim: Yeah. Michael: Yep. Dwight: Well I don't know, on the other hand it does leave less money for bat birth control. Jim: Bat birth control Dwight: Wait, this money is going to bat birth control, right Michael, that's what you told me when I contributed. Michael: You didn't contribute very much. I was also hoping to hand the giant check to a rabies doctor. And how's that been going? Pam: Not well. A doctor won't come out to collect a check for $700.00, or $500.00 if we go with the giant check. Jim: Which we are. Pam: And also there is no such thing as a rabies doctor. Michael: What about a rabies nurse? Pam: I don't think so. Jim: You know what though, I've actually seen ads for nurses that you can hire by the hour, for parties and bachelor events. Michael: That's possible. Look into that. Jim: Great, it's gonna cost a couple a hundred buck and ah... oh actually more with tips. Dwight: Maybe we should just skip the ceremony and setup a college fund for Meredith's son. Michael: Have you met that kid? He's not going to college. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Michael, 5k means 5 kilometers, not 5 thousand miles. [knocks] Michael: Come in. Pam: Hey. Michael: Hey, hey, hey Pam: Oh my God. Michael: What are you doing? Pam: You said come in! Michael: No I didn't, just please don't... Pam: Oh my God. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: So I closed the door but the image of his... Jim: Baquette. Pam: ... dangling participle... Jim: Eww. Pam: ... still burned in my eyes. Jim: I can imagine. Pam: [Michael knocks slowly on door] Come in. Michael: May I enter the room? Pam: Yes. Or come in. Michael: See how I did that. That's the way you should enter a room. You knock and then you wait for the all clear. Jim: You couldn't have taken off all your clothes in the men's room? Michael: Yes, but I have an office, so why would I do that. Pam: On average, how many hours a day do you spend naked in your office? Just ballpark. Michael: European offices are naked all the time. Pam: They're so not. Michael: Besides my shirt tail covered most of it so... Pam: I didn't see where it started but I saw where it ended. Jim: [sighs] Gross. Michael: That's not gross, it is the human body. What is your problem? Pam you're an artist, right? Think of me as one of your models. OK, you know what, I don't want this to detract from what we really need to be thinking about today, it's not fair to people with rabies. And that's the point, right? OK, let's go have some fun. Jim: Alright. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: They say if you're nervous around someone you should picture them naked. I do not recommend this strategy. Try picturing them with more clothes on... or a funny coat. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [naked from chest up] Oh, I'm sorry, is this a working office, and not a French beach? [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: OK, name please. Creed: Creed Bratton, 75 plus division. Jan: You're over 75 years old? Creed: 82 November first. How much is the prize money? Jan: There's no prize money. Creed: What, is any of this real? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Check that out. [points to Toby] Look at me, I'm Toby, I'm stretching, I know what I'm doing. Why is he even here? [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: So I heard that you were peeping on Michael. Pam: What? Look, no it was not... Jan: I don't know what your deal is, but he's mine, OK? So hands off. Michael: OK everybody, listen up. Thank you for coming. Before we get started I wanted to say a few words about this deadly disease called rabies. And I'd like you to take a look into the face of rabies. [turns around a picture of Meredith in the hospital] That should scare you. It scares me. You people need to educate yourselves. Myth: 3 Americans every year die from rabies. Fact: 4 Americans every year die from rabies. How many of you know someone who has been afflicted or affected by rabies? Show of hands. One, two, three... too many to count. It is truly the silent killer. No, it is the foaming barking killer. And it is something... Darryl what are you doing. Darryl: [feeding a squirrel] I'm giving him a peanut. Michael: No, don't give him... just, did you hear anything I said? Darryl: Look how happy he is. Michael: He's happy because he's insane. You know what, that's the perfect example of the kind of awareness we need to generate. Where's the nurse? [Elizabeth walks up in nurse's outfit] This is the reason we're here. Elizabeth: Hello Michael. Michael: Oh hey, I know you... Elizabeth? Elizabeth: Yeah. Michael: Right? Wow, very cool you went back and got your degree. I would like you to accept this check, for $340.00 made out to science. Make sure that, that gets into the right hands. Elizabeth: Great. [everyone claps] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You got it? Dwight: Mm-hmm. Michael: OK, fettuccine alfredo, time to carbo-load. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Just remember folks, it's not about winning, it is about finishing. Dwight: On your marks, get set... Michael: [pulls Toby's pants down] Beow! Toby: Hey! [extremely loud gunshot] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: On your left! Oscar: You're doing great Michael, look at you go! Creed: That's my boss! Yeah-ha baby! Michael: I am fast! I'm very fast! I'm like Forrest Gump, except I am not an idiot. [Creed, Stanley, and Oscar get into a cab] [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: Oh yes I will work out today. I will work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I've walked 2 marathons. Pretty sure I can handle a 5k. Key is drafting, eliminate wind resistance. [running right behind Kevin] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Yeah. [laughs] Oh we're in last place. Jim: Oh, would you look at that. Pam: Darn it. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: Water? Water? [Toby gabs water, drinks, then throws back at Jan] Water babe? Michael: No, no water for me. Not while rabies causes fear of water... solidarity! Jan: Michael that's irrational. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Rabies victims... have to live with an irrational hatred of water their entire lives. So... least I could do. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Oh God! My nipples, it's starting. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: [Creed, Stanley, and Oscar sitting at a table] Can we get another round? Waitress: OK. Creed: Thanks. Stanley: So we've got what, another 20 minutes? Oscar: More or less. Stanley: Hmmm... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: That fettuccine is sitting in my stomach like a rock. Dwight: You've got nothing to worry about, I put Imodium in Toby's coffee before the race. Michael: [laughs] Excellent! ...Simpsons. Wait, Imodium or Ex-lax? [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: I'm makin' great time. Usually I have to take a bathroom break half way through a race like this, but not today. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Ooo! An estate sale. Wanna go in? Pam: I don't know I'm really committed to winning. Jim: OK, but what if I told you all the money you spend here, goes to preventing a disease that's already been cured. Pam: Mmm... Yes. Jim: That's what I thought. Pam: Yeah. Jim: Right. Let's do some good. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: [Ryan looks at the phone as it rings... [Pam's voice] [You have reached the offices of Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton, currently the entire staff is out doing the Michael Scott, DM FM PMC rabies awareness Pro-Am fun run race... [Michael's voice] for the cure... [Pam's voice] leave a message" Ryan hangs up] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [Burp] Oh God, Oh, alfredo sauce. I'm getting a stitch. [groans] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [runs into the back of Kevin] Ah, God watch the nipples, Kevin. Kevin: Back off me. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: How ya feeling, better? Angela: No. Dwight: Well you look cute as a button. You've worked up quite a sweat. Angela: The vet is removing all of Sprinkles organs right now and sending them to the lab. Dwight: I am a farmer Angela. Angela: What does that mean? Dwight: OK, when a farmer sees an animal that is in pain, that has no quality of life, that has no utility, a farmer does what city folk don't have the stomach to do. Angela: You did kill her!? Dwight: I... I sang her, her favorite songs. Angela: You put her in my freezer. Dwight: It was beautiful and gentle and respectful. I fed her antihistamines and she gradually fell asleep. Angela: Well then she barfed them up in the freezer and tried to get out. Dwight: Well I'm not responsible for that! Angela: You! [hits Dwight] Dwight: Hey, Oww! [looks around to onlookers] It's OK. Angela: It's OK. Dwight: It's nothing, I'm robbing her. Angela: It's nothing. Dwight: It's fine. What? Angela: How could you do that without telling me? Dwight: I thought I was helping you. I expected a hug. I took care of that cat, the best way I knew how. Angela: Cat Heaven is a beautiful place, but you don't get there if you're euthanized. Dwight: I know a great taxidermist. I'll pay to have her stuffed. Well he's not great, but he's pretty good. Angela: You don't understand. Michael: [runs by] Take bat bites seriously. Don't get bit. Dwight: Or we can have her buried out at the east field, by mother. Huh, Angela? Angela: Don't touch me Dwight! [runs off crying] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [holding lamp] You like it? It's kinda designy and cool, it was $8.00. Jim: Oh, and I get to carry it. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: [crosses finish line] And the winner is Toby Flenderson. Kelly: Have a seat, I'll write it down. Toby: Where are we? Kelly: I dunno, like 5 kilometers from the office. Toby: He couldn't have made it a circle? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [bent over] I am not going to finish. I can't beat rabies. Nobody can beat rabies, rabies has been around for a thousand years. I was a fool to think that I could beat it. [Creed,Stanley, and Oscar pass by in the cab and get out at the finish line] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: ...talk about it. Pam: Yeah probably. Hey, Michael? Jim: What are you doing here? Did you come back for us, or... Michael: I can't finish. I feel so weak, I just... Jim: Well, you're probably dehydrated. Michael: What do you want me to do Jim? Jim: Glass of water would be a start. Michael: No, There are people all over the world, who have all sorts of problems and afflictions, and diseases. They're deformed, and they're abnormal, and... they're illiterate and ugly. Symphonies don't have any money. Public TV is bust. I can't do anything about it, I can't... you know. There's just one of me, and there's a thousand of them. And rabies wins. Jim: Wow! You are a downer. We were having a pretty nice day. Pam: I'm still having a nice day. Jim: You are? Pam: Yeah. Hey Michael, look at this lamp. $8.00. Michael: That's a good deal. Pam: And Michael, you don't have rabies. And chances are you're not going to get it anytime soon. So... you don't really have to think about it too much. Michael: Pam, if everybody felt that way, nothing would get done. Pam: Yeah, but there's other, better people out there who are helping. Michael: You just don't think I am capable, of making a difference. Pam: I know you Michael, I saw you naked. Michael: You don't, you don't know me. You've just seen my pen1s. I can make a difference, remember, I'm the one who started this whole thing off by hitting Meredith with my car. And I owe it to her to finish this... GD 5k [gets up groaning, Jim tries to help] No, no! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Finishing that 5k, was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I ate more fettuccine alfredo and drank less water, than I have in my entire life. People always talk about triumphs of the human spirit, well today I had a triumph of the human body. That's why everybody was applauding for me at the end. My guts and my heart, and while I eventually puked my guts out, I never puked my heart out. And I'm very, very proud of that. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: Hey Michael. Michael: Hey Mer. How ya doing? Meredith: Better. Michael: It's ironic isn't it? I mean I'm in the hospital for not getting enough water, and you're in it for a disease that causes the fear of water. Meredith: I'm in because you hit me with your car. But I wanted to say, I heard you were trying really hard, so I'm not mad at you anymore. Michael: Thanks, I'm not mad at you anymore. [sighs, takes sucker out of his mouth] Wanna share? Meredith: Sure. Michael: I'm not really sick. [Meredith takes a lick and hands back to Michael] Nah, I'm good.

Plan: A: Michael; Q: Who hits Meredith with his car? A: the carpark; Q: Where does Michael hit Meredith with his car? A: rabies; Q: What disease does Meredith have? A: Angela; Q: Who asks Dwight to care for her sick cat? A: the animal; Q: What does Dwight mercy-kill? A: relationship problems; Q: What does Dwight and Angela have after Dwight mercy-kills Angela's cat? A: the camera crew; Q: Who videoed Pam and Jim in public? A: Pam; Q: Who announces that she and Jim are dating? A: Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton; Q: What is the name of the company where Michael Scott works? A: his employees; Q: Who is less than enthused about the run? A: around $250; Q: How much did Michael spend on a big check and fake nurse? A: Toby; Q: Who won the race? Summary: After Michael hits Meredith with his car in the carpark of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, she learns she is infected with rabies. Angela asks Dwight to care for her sick cat, but Dwight mercy-kills the animal, leading to relationship problems. After being videoed in public by the camera crew, Pam announces that she and Jim are now dating, but they do not share this with their co-workers. Feeling guilty about the incident with Meredith, Michael decides to host "Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race For The Cure", although his employees are less than enthused. The donation for the run only amounts to $500, out of which Michael ends up spending around $250 on a big cheque and fake nurse. Toby wins the race, and a depressed and dehydrated Michael is finally forgiven by Meredith.

[Alaric's Apartment] (Elena arrives with coffee and something to eat. She knocks on the door. Damon opens) Damon: Morning, sunshine. Elena: Hey. How's Alaric? Damon: Indecent, but fine Elena: So then does that mean there were no issues last night? Damon: Nope. Slept like a baby. Woke up Alaric. No headlines about dead council members Elena: Then why do I feel like you're hiding something from me? Damon: Well, maybe because you're being all paranoid and control freak-y. What'd you bring me? (He takes the bag and looks into it) Damon: Chocolate muffins. You know what they say... the way to a psycho killer's heart is through his stomach (She takes it back) Elena: They're not for you Damon: Fine. Keep convincing yourself you're still mad at me. But sadly, Ric's going to have to pass on Elena time today. You know, lockdown and all Elena: Just take it, give it to him and tell him that I miss him, ok? Damon: With pleasure Elena: Please Damon: Have a great day (He starts closing the door) Elena: Dam... Damon: thanks for coming by (He closes the door. She leaves) Damon: Walking down the stairs. Opening front door and... She's gone (Alaric is sawing the wickery bridge sign. Stefan's here too) (Damon is whittling a stake from the wickery sign. Stefan gives him one back) Stefan: Needs to have a sharper point Damon: Got it Stefan: Finally have our own stakes to kill an original. I'm not going to miss because you can't whittle Damon: I said I got it. Stop micro managing Alaric: Looks like you guys got this under control. I'm going to call the sheriff. I want to turn myself in Damon: No, you don't Alaric: I have a homicidal alter ego. Unlike some people in this room, I would like to take responsibility for the people I've killed Damon: If you wanted to turn yourself in, you wouldn't be saying it out loud. Just sayin' Alaric: Listen, of all the people, you cannot psychoanalyze me. I killed Caroline's father. I nearly killed Meredith. Everything has changed Stefan: You're not turning yourself in. Bonnie's herbs are working and we have originals to kill Damon: His morals get very questionable when he has revenge on the brain Stefan: Klaus needs to die, we finally have a chance to kill him. So you are not turning yourself in (Damon gets up and takes Alaric's ring from his pocket) Damon: Here's your ring, Ric. Put it on Alaric: That ring is the reason I've killed people Damon: It's also the reason you're alive. You're going vampire hunting, Ric. Wear it (Alaric finally takes it and puts it back) [The woods] (Elena and Caroline are talking) Caroline: Alaric Saltzman killed my father? Elena: I can't expect you to be ok with this. But at least these herbs that Bonnie's giving him, they're healing him and they're keeping the dark side buried Caroline: Yeah, and that's supposed to make everything ok? Elena: No, Caroline, it's not ok. It's horrible. And I feel horrible about it, but... He's a victim of something supernatural. He didn't ask for this. It just happened to him. Just like Bonnie's mom. I mean, she didn't ask to become a vampire. And... Neither did Stefan, or Tyler Caroline: Or me Elena: Or you. None of you asked for this. But who would I be if I just... Turned my back on any of you? (Caroline takes her by the shoulder) Caroline: Oh, Elena Gilbert. Savior of the cursed and the damned (They smile. Matt rejoins them) Matt: Hey. What's with the, uh, cryptic secret meeting text? Elena: I don't know. Stefan just said to meet here (Stefan and Damon arrive) Stefan: Where's Bonnie? Texted her, too Caroline: Uh, Bonnie's mom bailed on her. Again. So I think we should leave her out of this one Matt: What are we doing here? Damon: We found some more white oak. Long story. Wait for the movie Elena: Hang on. White oak? You have a weapon that can kill Klaus? Stefan: Nope. We all have a weapon (He throws a bag on the ground. It's full of stakes. Elena, Caroline and Matt are surprised) [A City] (Finn is walking alone. Klaus rejoins him) Klaus: Hello, Finn Finn: Hello, Niklaus. I have nothing to say to you Klaus: I'm not here to chat. I will ask you one thing, though, where's our mother? Finn: Gone to find another way to end our abominable lives. And when she does, I will sacrifice myself all over again Klaus: How fortunate that I found you. I require your assistance Finn: I have no wish to help you. Only to see you dead Klaus: Well, that's the thing. You see, you won't be able to see me dead because if I die, then you die, so it's a wish unfulfilled Finn: Oh, bother someone else with your hollow charms, Niklaus Klaus: Why? When I can bother my big brother? I need you to accompany me back to Mystic Falls. I have a witch there who can help undo Esther's spell that linked us together Finn: I have no wish to be unlinked! Klaus: Again with the wishes. Let me rephrase... you will come back with me or I will put you back in that coffin in which you rotted for 900 years Finn: What happens to one happens to all. You may not feel the effects of the dagger, but you'd lose your precious Rebekah Klaus: Wouldn't be the first time (Finn runs with his vampire speed and goes in an alley but Rebekah is there waiting for him) Rebekah: Let's not make this any worse than it has to be, darling brother Finn: You're siding with him? Rebekah, he stored us in boxes Rebekah: At least he's not trying to make us extinct (Klaus rejoins them) Finn: What are you going to do? Kill me? Klaus: Oh, yeah, that's right, you've got a death wish. Fine. Pathetic, but fine. The thing is, I'm not going to have you take the rest of us down with you (He catches his and throws him against the wall. Finn is on the ground. Klaus looks at him and then at Rebekah, smiling.) [The Woods] (Stefan, Damon, Elena, Caroline and Matt are all together) Stefan: Klaus has always been one step ahead of us. But now we have the advantage. We're all armed, and they are all linked. Meaning we only need to kill one of them. We need to seize the best opportunity, which means we need to prepare for every opportunity Damon: Scenario number one... (He catches Elena) Damon: you are to play Klaus Elena: Ok (She makes him understand that he has to release her) Stefan: Rebekah is our target. So we'll distract her and catch her off guard. To do that, we need to keep Klaus separate and occupied. Caroline? Caroline: Why do I always have to be Klaus bait? Damon: Because he's obsessed with you. But for right now, we need you to play Rebekah. We'll use the quarterback to distract her. Just keep her talking Matt: How Damon: Act interested. She's lonely. Desperate Caroline: Clearly. She slept with you (Elena laughs) Damon: Beefcake holds bombshell, I come up from behind her, grab her arms like this... (He catches her from behind) Caroline: Ow! (Stefan goes toward her with a stake) Stefan: Which gives me time for one shot. Got it? Good (Caroline pushes him) Stefan: So we all have one stake, we keep it hidden and we look out for any opportunity we have Damon: No last minute attacks of pity for any of them Elena: Don't worry about me. Not after what happened to Bonnie's mom Damon: Barbie? Caroline: Oh, I'm ready. Anything that will free Tyler of his sire bond to Klaus Damon: Bus boy? Matt: Do I have a choice? Damon: Good point Stefan: We have 12 stakes. 12 shots at killing one original. We can do this. All right, let's try another scenario (He gives a crossbow to Elena) Stefan: Elena, grab a crossbow. Matt, you play Klaus (Elena aims the crossbow at Matt) [Klaus' Mansion] (Klaus throws Finn inside. Klaus and Rebekah enter the house) Rebekah: Gather your witch. Let's get his blood and get on with it Finn: You can't force me to help you Klaus: Oh, I most likely could. But why force when I can persuade? (Sage comes down the stairs. Finn looks at her and gets up. Sage is smiling) Sage: Hello, Finn Finn: Sage! (He rushes towards her and they embrace each other. Rebekah looks at Klaus) Rebekah: What do you know? True love prevails Klaus: It does occasionally have its uses. Easier than torturing him (He looks at his phone. He has received a text from Kol asking him to letting him know when he'll be needed. Klaus answers him that he will) Rebekah: I have something to do. What do you need from me for this spell? Klaus: Just your blood and your blessing. Where are you going? Rebekah: I have some unfinished business with Damon Salvatore. Ask Sage what he did to me. And you'll understand why retribution is in order [Salvatore's House] (Damonis hidding the stakes in the fireplace with the other woods. Alaric is with him) Alaric: I mean, did you learn nothing from the moon stone in the soap dish? Damon: Why? Where'd you put yours? (The door slams) Damon: What the hell was that? (He goes down the stairs and hears some noise. Suddenly Alaric is thrown in the stairs) Damon: Ric? (He turns himself. Rebekah's here. She stabs him) Rebekah: Hello, lover [The Town Square] (Elena, Caroline and Matt are together. Elena is on the phone and leaves a voicemail to Bonnie) Elena: Bonnie, we're starting to worry about you. Call me back. Or call Caroline. Just call someone, please (She rejoins Matt and Caroline. Matt is talking with Caroline) Matt: Mr. Saltzman was like the most normal guy in town Elena: Is it weird that Bonnie's not returning my calls? (Matt looks at the square) Matt: Is it weird that Klaus' brother is in the middle of town square? (Elena and Caroline look at the town square. Finn is with Sage. They're walking and talking) Elena: That's Finn. I thought he left town (Caroline listens to them) Sage: So can you guess why I dragged you out here? Finn: If memory serves me, this is where the natives used to make sacrifices to their gods Sage: This statue was built where we used to rendezvous back when you used to have to sneak away from your siblings to see your tawdry lady friend Finn: I assumed after 900 years you've moved on Sage: I took care of myself. But I never stopped loving you, Finn. I don't want you to die (Elena is on the phone with Stefan) Stefan: Hey Elena: Hey, where are you? Stefan: I just got home. Why? Elena: Klaus' brother Finn is in the town square. He's with some ex-girlfriend or something Stefan: Ex-girlfriend? Guy's been in a coffin for the last 900 years. Sage. It's got to be Sage. Elena: We have an opportunity. So how do we do this? Stefan: Listen to me, Elena. Do not do anything, ok? Sage is very old and very strong. You don't stand a chance against her Elena: Then get Damon and get down here (Stefan is at the house and finds Alaric in the stairs) Stefan (looking at Alaric): What the hell happened to you? Elena: Stefan... Alaric: Rebekah happened Stefan (to Elena) : I think we have a problem [Klaus' Mansion] (Damon is tied up to the ceilingby the wrists with animals traps) Rebekah: I found them in the shed. What kind of monster would trap a poor, defenseless animal? Damon: Got to admit, even for me, it's a little kinky (She takes a knife) Rebekah: You pretended to be interested in me. And then you slept with me so your trampy friend Sage could steal my thoughts. Ever since then, I've felt this incessant need to one-up you. So I've decided to bleed the vervain from your system (She rips his shirt open) Damon: Oh (She cuts his chest with the knife. He groans) Damon: You want to compel me to be your boyfriend? Rebekah: Actually, I'd rather compel you to kill your brother. Or Elena. But, since vampires heal, bleeding you may take a while. We should probably stick to the major arteries (She cuts him again. He has blood all over his chest. Klaus enters) Klaus: Well... Look what you caught. If you're trying to bleed him of vervain, don't you think it would be easier to hang him upside down? Rebekah: I'm perfectly capable of inflicting pain, thank you very much Klaus: Oh, well, excuse me. It's not like I have any expertise in the matter (He rolls his eyes) Rebekah: You know, why don't you just leave me be and go and manage your witch? (He leaves. She looks at Damon) Rebekah: Mmm. Now, where were we? (Klaus enters a another room. Bonnie's there, looking at a grimoire) Klaus: Tick tock. I should hear chanting by now Bonnie: I'm still studying the unlinking spell. It's not that easy, especially under duress Klaus: You've been warned. If you're looking for a way to send for help, I will kill anyone who comes to your rescue Bonnie: This is the spell. I just don't know if I'm strong enough Klaus: Then you should have a little more faith in yourself, Bonnie. Your energy helped my mother link us. Honestly, I think someone isn't trying very hard. Very well (He takes his phone and calls someone) Klaus: Kol. How's the weather up there in mile high city? And how's our friend? (He shows his phone to Bonnie. Jeremy is playing with a dog) Klaus: That's him. There's Jeremy. Playing fetch with his new puppy. Isn't that just the most adorable thing you've ever seen? (He takes the phone back) Klaus: Thank you, Kol. We'll be in touch (He hangs up) Klaus: So, Bonnie. How about that spell? [Salvatore's House] (Caroline rejoins Alaric in the library. She has a bottle in her hand) Caroline: Hey. I hear you had a run in with Buffy the vampire Alaric: Yeah, I'll live. What are you doing here? Caroline: Checking up on you. In case you're... Not you Alaric: I'm me Caroline: I guess not-you would say that, too. Which is why... Elena said you have to drink this (She gives the bottle to him) Caroline: I hope it tastes better than it smells Alaric: It doesn't (He drinks) Alaric: Mmm. That's disgusting. Caroline: It's either that or kill people, so... Elena told me everything Alaric: Caroline... I am so sorry. I don't even know what else I can say Caroline: Right after I turned into a vampire, I killed someone. A stranger. I just... Killed him. And what's worse is, I liked it. I have blood on my hands, too. You know, we all do Alaric: Yeah, but the blood on my hands is your father's Caroline: Yeah, it is. And maybe the guy I killed was someone's father, too. Look... All I know is, I'm no better than you. So I'm going to take a page from the Elena Gilbert handbook and choose to believe that you can be saved. Ok? Alaric: Ok [Mystic Grill] (Elena rejoins Stefan in front of the Mystic Grill) Elena: Hey. How is he? Stefan: Hey. He's just banged up. Caroline's going to stay with him; Make sure Alaric stays Alaric. Matt texted me, he said Finn is still in the grill. We need to plan our next move Elena: Wait, wait, Rebekah has Damon. Our next move should be finding him Stefan: No, we need to stay on point. See an original, kill an original. That's the plan Elena: Yeah, that was the plan before Damon's life was hanging in the balance Stefan: Look, Elena, I understand that you're concerned about my brother's life, but if he even knew for one second that we were talking about missing a chance to kill these people, he would lose his mind Elena: Yeah, and if the roles were reversed, he would stop everything to save you Stefan: I know what my brother would want Elena: What he would want and what we should do are two different things Stefan: You going to help me with this or not? (She doesn't answer) Stefan: Ok. I'll figure it out myself (He leaves) [Klaus's Mansion] (Damon is still tied and bleeding but he's alone. Elena arrives) Damon: What are you doing? Rebekah will kill you Elena: Then hurry up and... and tell me what to do Damon: Open. Carefully (She opens the traps and delivers him. They walk and she holds him but he struggles to walk) Elena: Come on, come on. We have to keep going, Damon Damon: I need a minute (They fall on the floor. She looks at him and touches his face) Elena: No, look at me. Look at me Damon: Don't be an idiot, Elena Elena: I am not going to leave you. Damon? (He collapses. She makes him drink her blood) Elena: Damon. Drink. Drink (He wakes up. It was just a dream provoked by Rebekah) Damon: Ohh. Bitch Rebekah: It's not fun when someone messes with your thoughts, is it? Damon: Actually, I was having a pretty good time in there Rebekah: Well, I hope you are nicer to Elena than you are to me Damon: Oh, come on. I couldn't hurt you that bad. You didn't think I really had a thing for you, did you? I get it. If Klaus bossed me around for a thousand years, I'd probably be pretty desperate for attention, too (She stabs him. He screams) (Bonnie is still with Klaus. She hears Damon's scream) Bonnie: Who was that? Klaus: I wouldn't let it bother you, love Bonnie: Well, it does bother me. You bother me. The way you use people to get what you want. It's not right Klaus: You're being emotional, Bonnie. I understand that things have been rough for you. You know, with your mother leaving. Again. It's very sad. I can help you find her. If you want. I have people who can find people. I could bring her back to you. Or, if you choose, I can just bring parts of her back. But isn't it obvious that I'm just going to continue to hurt the people you love until you do the spell. Now, I know it's in the grimoire, and I know it requires the blood of my siblings, so. Here we are (He takes a leather case and opens it. It contains 4 flasks of blood) Klaus: Elijah, Rebekah, Kol, Finn (He bites his wrist and lets the blood poor) Klaus: Where do you want us? (She takes a glass and lets Klaus' blood poor in it) [SCENE_BREAK] [Mystic Grill] (Sage and Finn are sitting at a table, drinking) Sage: You've never had tequila before? That's embarrassing. Seriously, I'm embarrassed for you (Matt is near the table. They drink) Finn: Happy now? Sage: Lime (Stefan is at the bar, listening to them) Finn: I'm truly awed by the evolution of mankind (A man passes by their table) Man: Hey Sage Sage: Hey Troy (He leaves) Finn: You know him? Sage: I turned him Finn: You turned him. Why? Sage: Because I'm in enemy territory. When your brother and sister called, I thought I might need a little back-up. You can't trust anyone here (Matt arrives. She catches his wrist) Sage: Two more tequilas? Matt: All right, cool, I'll let your waitress know (He rejoins Stefan at the bar. He gives Matt a flask. Matt takes it and leaves) [Klaus' Mansion] (Bonnie is casting a spell and pours more blood in the glass) [Mystic Grill] Finn: How many people have you turned? Sage: I don't know. A lot. Don't judge me, Finn. You turned me Finn: Exactly, Sage. I turned you. My passion overtook my morals Sage: My passions overtake my morals on a daily basis. It's called living life to the fullest (Stefan sends a text message) [Klaus' Mansion] (Bonnie is still casting the spelland pours the blood on the table) [Mystic Grill] (Matt comes back with the tequila) Sage: Finally. Oh thanks (Stefan leaves. Sage raises her glass) Sage: To living life to the fullest Finn: To living life (They laugh and drink but soon caugh) Sage: Oh, what the hell! Finn: Vervain (He turns himself and sees Stefan. Stefan looks at them and leaves. They follow him) [Klaus' Mansion] (Bonnie is still casting the spell. The blood expends and separates in five parts) [Mystic Grill] (Stefan is waiting outside with a stake. Finn and Sage and gets out. He's about to attack Finn but Sage stops him and throws him on the floor. Stefan loses the stake. She grips him) Sage: Finn, the stake! [Klaus' Mansion] (Bonnie is still casting the spell. The candles fire grows stronger. And five rings of blood have formed and are separate.) [Mystic Grill] (Finn goes in the stairs and catches the stake but Elena and Matt arrives and Elena throws a stake at him with a crossbow. Matt gets closer, finishes the job by staking him in the heart. They go back inside and Sage screams and rejoins Finn. He's dying. She cries over his body. His body sets on fire. She cries) [Klaus' Mansion] (Bonnie looks at the five rings of blood and realises what she's done. Klaus looks at her) (Rebekah is washing her hands with a towel and sees Klaus accompanying Bonnie to the door) Rebekah: Oh, leaving so soon? Klaus: Sister. Be nice. Rebekah: Thank you, Bonnie. See you in physics class (Bonnie sees Damon covered in blood and tied) Bonnie: Oh my god Klaus: Yeah, you'll have to excuse the mess. Apparently Damon hurt her feelings Damon: Bonnie... Klaus: Go on. Help him. Save the man who turned your mother into a vampire Bonnie: Just get me out of here Klaus: Very well [Salvatore's House] (Stefan and Elena enter the library. Caroline's here) Elena: Hey. How's Alaric? Caroline: He'll be ok. I gave him a bottle of Bonnie's herbs, and he went home. Oh, did you guys kill Finn? Did it work? Stefan: Nothing worked until I see Klaus' dead body myself (Elena's phone rings. She answers. It's Bonnie) Elena: Bonnie, where have you been? Bonnie: Klaus has Damon Elena: Kl... Klaus should be dead. They should all be dead. We just killed Finn Bonnie: No, Elena. He forced me to do a spell that unlinked all the siblings. He's still alive Elena: Ok, Bonnie. Where's Damon? Bonnie: At Klaus' mansion. It's bad, Elena. He threatened Jeremy. And my mom... Elena: Are... are you ok? Bonnie: I don't know. I'm sorry, I have to go. I just... I have to... I have to go Elena: No, Bonnie, just... (Bonnie hangs up and starts crying) Stefan: Stay with Caroline, I'll call you when it's over Elena: Stefan, stop. Klaus is stronger than you. We need another plan Stefan: No, what we need is for Klaus to be dead Elena: Stefan, stop it! You're acting on anger! Stefan: Anger gets things done, Elena Elena: Or it'll get you killed and it'll get Damon killed along with you Stefan: Klaus does not get to survive this. Not after everything he took from me (He leaves. Caroline rejoins Elena) Caroline: I miss well-adjusted Stefan (The door slams open and Stefan's thrown in the living room. Sage enters) Sage: Ding dong. I'm not here for you. I'm here for him (She punches Caroline. Elena tries to leave but Troy stops her) Troy: I don't think so Stefan: I had to kill him, Sage Sage: Oh. You remember me (She kicks him in the stomach) Sage: Good. Then you know I like to go all ten rounds (Suddenly she's sick. She coughs and her nose is bleeding) Troy: Sage? (She tries to punch Stefan but he catches her fist and makes her fall) Sage: Troy, help me! (He tries to help her but he's sick too. Sage caughs blood. Troy too. Caroline and Elena get closer and look at them) Sage: What is happening to me? (Suddenly she dies and troy too) Elena: She just died Caroline: So Sage and this Troy guy die within an hour of Finn Elena: But why? Were they bitten by a hybrid, or... Caroline: Hybrid bites don't look like that. Maybe Sage was so in love with Finn, she just died of sadness Elena: No, that doesn't explain Troy Stefan: It's the blood. The bloodline. It has to be. Think about it. Finn turned Sage, Sage turned Troy. They're all part of the same vampire bloodline that originated with Finn Caroline: Wait, so, when an original dies, every vampire turned in their bloodline dies along with them? Because... That would mean... Elena: If the originals die, so do all of you. The entire vampire species would... Just be dead [Klaus' Mansion] (Damon is still tied. Stefan enters with a bag in his hand) Damon: This was much different in my head Stefan: Klaus! I'm here! Let's do this (Klaus and Rebekah arrive) Klaus: Oh, good. A hero. What do you want? (Stefan throws the bag on the floor) Stefan: I'm here to make a deal Damon: Stefan, what are you doing? Stefan: Eight stakes, made of white oak. The part of wickery bridge that you forgot to burn (Klaus looks at Rebekah) Rebekah: That's impossible Stefan: Actually, it's not. Finn's dead Rebekah: You killed my brother? Stefan: Damon in exchange for the last eight weapons that could kill you Klaus: And how do we know there aren't any more left? Stefan: Because there aren't Klaus: Let's be certain, shall we? (He gets closer to Damon) Klaus: Leave Damon: No Klaus: Come on. Leave Rebekah: Nik, he's my play thing, not yours (Klaus strangles him, looks at him in the eyes and compels him) Klaus: I said... Go. Home (Damon tries to free himself by tearing his hands from the traps. Klaus smiles) [Salvatore's House] (Caroline and Elena are cleaning) Caroline: Vampire disposal... Not my strong suit. Where did Stefan go? Elena: Trading the stakes for Damon Caroline: All of them? Elena: Not all of them. We still have, uh, enough to kill three out of the four of them. If we can figure out who to save Caroline: h. How are we supposed to do that? Elena: I have no idea. You were turned with Damon's blood and Damon and Stefan were turned by Katherine, and we know that Katherine was turned by a vampire named Rose Caroline: Well, who turned Rose? Elena: We don't know. But it can only lead back to one original, and if the odds are in our favor, hopefully it won't be Klaus so we can still kill him Caroline: Elena... Even if Klaus didn't create our bloodline... We know for a fact that he turned one of us Elena: Oh, my God. Tyler. If we kill Klaus, then Tyler will die [Klaus' Mansion] (Damon is still trying to free himself) Klaus: All right, stop. Stop. Stop, before you hurt yourself (He laughs) Klaus: Wow. I can see that you can finally be compelled. Now (He gets closer and compels him) Klaus: Minus the stake that's in my brother, how many more stakes are out there that can kill me? Damon: 11 Klaus: 11! Really? So not eight, then. You really shouldn't have lied Stefan: I'll get you the other three Klaus: Yeah, that would be nice. Or since you lied, maybe I'll just compel your brother to chew out his own tongue Stefan: What is wrong with you? Klaus: What is wrong with you?! Do you really have no appreciation for me? I have given you someone to hate; To loathe, a target for all of your anger so you don't have to turn it on yourself. I have given your life a purpose as your friend. (He laughs) Klaus: I really think you should be thanking me (Stefan rushes toward him with a stake) Klaus: Step down or you'll both die (Stefan obeys and Klaus takes the stake) Klaus: There. Now you'll only have to get me the other two Rebekah: This is ridiculous (She gets closer to Damon and starts to release him) Klaus: What are you doing? Rebekah: I brought him here. I get to release him. My rules now. Bring us the stakes and you both live. Take your brother as a sign of good faith (She takes the bag and leaves the room) Klaus: Bring us the stakes. All of them. Or I'll wage a war against everyone you love. I hope I'm being clear (He leaves) Rebekah: I can't believe Finn is dead Klaus: Good riddance. He was an embarrassment, Rebekah Rebekah: He was still your brother. Mind your tongue Klaus: Fine. Let's all say a prayer for Finn, who slept in a box longer than he lived as a man. He was a lovesick fool. He's better off in death Rebekah: Is that how you would speak of me if I died? Klaus: Well, you let the Salvatores loose with two stakes that could kill us, so I guess we'll find out soon enough. And since when did you have a soft spot for them? Rebekah: The Salvatores may fight like dogs, but in the end, they would die for each other. At least they know what family means. You destroyed ours Klaus: I wanted a family. They just didn't want me. And now we're unlinked. We're no longer responsible for each other Rebekah: So, what, are you leaving? Klaus: As soon as I get my stakes, I'm gone. I'm going to take Elena and use her blood to create a new family... of hybrids Rebekah: And if I choose to stay? Klaus: Then you're just as pathetic as Finn (He leaves) [Salvatore's House] (Stefan is in his bedroom, holding a stake. Elena rejoins him) Elena: Hey Stefan: Hey Elena: You haven't said much since you got back home Stefan: I'll be a ball of sunshine once Damon gets Alaric's stake back. I promise Elena: You really scared me today. You wouldn't have survived if you went up against Klaus on your own. You know that, right? Stefan: Mm-hmm. Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore Elena: Why? Stefan: Because he's not worth it. All this time and energy that I've wasted hating him. It was for nothing. It's done. It's over. We lost. I'm right back where I started Elena: That's not true. Yeah, Klaus dragged you through hell. But you came out the other side. You beat him by being better than him Stefan: And what did I lose in the process? Look, hating Klaus was easy. It allowed me to ignore everything that was happening around me. Everything I let slip away. Now I have to deal with that Elena: Stefan... Stefan: No, just admit it. Admit it to me, Elena. I know you don't owe it to me, but I just need to hear you say it Elena: I... I can't. Because it's not true. Stefan... I never stopped loving you Stefan: I know that. I know you didn't. Even though I did... Everything possible to push you away. It's my fault. It's all my fault. I mean, this was all my fault Elena: What are you talking about? Stefan: I'm talking about the fact that you're also in love with Damon Elena: What? No. Stefan, I was just... (He touches her face) Stefan: Hey. I love you. I will always love you. I just want you to look me in the eye and tell me... That you don't feel something for him Elena: I don't know what I feel (He takes the stake. Looks at her and leaves the room) [Alaric's Apartment] (Alaric opens his door to Damon) Alaric: Oh, you're still alive Damon: Yeah. For now. I need your stake Alaric: It's right behind these books here (He takes some books) Damon: A bookshelf, really? At least I was trying to be clever about it Alaric: Where the hell is it? Damon: Ha ha. Look harder, Ric Alaric: It's not here, Damon (Damon starts searching) Damon: Well, maybe you just forgot what shelf you put it on Alaric: No, I didn't forget it. It's... I put it right here. A stake doesn't just vanish into thin air! Damon: Who else did you tell, Ric? Alaric: I didn't tell anybody, Damon. I'm the only... Damon: what? Alaric: I'm the only one who knew about it, Damon Damon: Are you telling me that your vampire hating alter ego has a stake that could kill an entire line of vampires, possibly mine? Alaric: That's exactly what I'm telling you

Plan: A: their new weapon; Q: What do Damon and Stefan plan to use to destroy Klaus? A: Finn; Q: Who does Klaus and Rebekah convince to cooperate with their plans to break the link? A: revenge; Q: What is Rebekah's motivation for torturing Damon? A: her memories; Q: What did Damon steal from Rebekah? A: a dagger; Q: What does Rebekah stake Damon with? A: Klaus' mansion; Q: Where does Rebekah take Damon after she stakes him? A: his protective vervain; Q: What does Rebekah cut Damon to bleed out? A: Esther's linking spell; Q: What does Klaus coerce Bonnie into breaking? A: the unlinking spell; Q: What spell does Klaus want Bonnie to perform? A: Kol; Q: Who is watching Jeremy? A: Stefan lures Finn; Q: Who lures Finn out of the bar? A: tequila; Q: What were Finn and Sage drinking at the bar? A: Elena; Q: Who does Rebekah manipulate Damon into thinking he is about to kiss? A: Matt's stake; Q: What did Elena and Matt use to kill Finn? A: Damon's hallucinations; Q: What does Rebekah manipulate to trick Damon? A: eight; Q: How many stakes does Stefan bring to Klaus? A: eleven; Q: How many stakes does Damon admit there are? A: Klaus Stefan; Q: Who does Stefan go to negotiate with Klaus? A: the vampire bloodlines; Q: What do Caroline and Elena puzzle over? A: Tyler; Q: Who is a part of Klaus' bloodline? A: a conversation; Q: What do Stefan and Elena share? A: the last white oak stake; Q: What does Damon go to retrieve? A: Alaric's vampire hating alter ego; Q: Who has hidden the last white oak stake? Summary: Damon and Stefan make plans to destroy Klaus with their new weapon. Klaus and Rebekah convince Finn to cooperate with their plans to break the link when they reunite him with Sage. Rebekah gets carried away with her own plans out of revenge against Damon for using her to steal her memories of the remaining white oak wood. She stakes Damon with a dagger, then takes him to Klaus' mansion, chains him to the ceiling and cuts him to bleed out his protective vervain. Klaus coerces Bonnie into breaking Esther's linking spell. Bonnie is unsure if she can perform the unlinking spell, but Klaus threatens her mother and shows her that he has Kol watching Jeremy. Stefan lures Finn out of the bar where he was having tequila with Sage, and fails to stake him, but Elena and Matt manage to use Matt's stake to kill Finn. As Finn expires, Bonnie successfully breaks the linking spell making Finn the only Original to die. At the mansion, Rebekah manipulates Damon's hallucinations so he believes he and Elena are about to kiss after she saves Damon and urges him to drink her blood to recover. But then Damon realizes how desperate Rebekah is for attention and love, and that she is actually torturing him for violating these feelings rather than for tricking her to access her memories. Stefan is attacked by Sage, who is upset over Finn's demise. Sage is about to end Stefan when she coughs up blood and dies. Stefan, Elena, and Caroline realize that if an Original is killed, their entire vampire bloodline dies. Stefan goes to negotiate with Klaus and finds Damon bloody and half-conscious. To Damon's disappointment he brings eight of the stakes with him in exchange for his brother. Klaus compels Damon to admit there are actually eleven stakes in total. After failing to use his own stake to kill Klaus Stefan hands it over and promises to bring the other two. Tired of revenge, Rebekah releases Damon as a sign of good faith and leaves with the eight stakes. Caroline and Elena puzzle over the vampire bloodlines and realize that Tyler is a part of Klaus', and he would die if Klaus were killed. Stefan and Elena share a conversation about their feelings and Elena admits she does not know how to feel about her love for both Stefan and Damon. Damon goes to retrieve the last white oak stake but finds that Alaric's vampire hating alter ego has hidden it and Alaric can not even guess where.

"In a land of myth and a time of magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young man. His name...Merlin." MORGANA'S HOVEL - DAY Agravaine strokes Morgana's cheek as she lies unconscious on her bed. He gets up and walks over to the fire. Just then Morgana stirs, dreaming. We flash into her memory of Old Merlin in her house, stealing the Formorroh. Flash to her standing over him in the woods with the dagger. Morgana: So, Emrys... Old Merlin throws her with magic. Flash to Old Merlin standing over her, hand raised to strike with magic. She wakes, wide eyed and terrified, and sits up. Agravaine looks over and sees her awake. Agravaine: Morgana! He goes to her. Agravaine: When I found you, you were unconscious in the woods. What happened to you? Morgana, who did this to you? Morgana (teeth grited): Emrys. Agravaine: The old man? He was here? Morgana: He took the Formorroh. He destroyed it. Agravaine: He knew of our plans to kill Arthur? Morgana: He knows all our plans. All our secrets. He knows everything. Agravaine: Someone's telling him. Agravaine thinks for a moment, then closes his eyes in realisation. Agravaine: Gaius! When I first asked him if he knew Emrys, he claimed not to know, but he was lying. I knew he was lying! Morgana: Gaius. Agravaine: He's the only one in Camelot who would know of the Formorroh. It has to be him. Morgana gets up from the bed, clearly disturbed by her thoughts. Agravaine: He must be telling Emrys everything. Morgana recovers. Morgana: Good. Then he can lead us straight to him. Agravaine: Gaius is loyal and very stubborn. He won't do that willingly. Morgana: Who said he had to be willing? [SCENE_BREAK] OPENING TITLES [SCENE_BREAK] KING'S PALACE, ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS - DAY Merlin opens Arthur's curtains. Merlin: Up you get. King Arthur: What for? Merlin: A bath. King Arthur: Where's breakfast? Merlin: Say, "Ah." King Arthur: Ah? Merlin stuffs some pastry in Arthur's mouth King Arthur (muffled): Merlin! (He spits it out) Merlin hurries to look over some documents on the table. Merlin: Set aside some practice time. King Arthur: Ah, wonderful. What for? Quarterstaff? Battle axe? Merlin: Your speech. King Arthur: Who to? Merlin: The Guild of Harness Polishers. King Arthur: The guild of who? I don't know anything about polishing. Merlin: (unrolling a long scroll) For...tun...ately, I do. King Arthur: That'll take hours to learn. Merlin: You don't have hours. First, you have to receive Odin's envoy. King Arthur: Do I have to give a speech? Merlin: No. You have to listen to one. Arthur rolls his eyes. Merlin: Then you need to inspect the guards, perform a freeman's ceremony, oh...and to be a judge. King Arthur: Preside over a trial? Merlin: A garland competition. King Arthur: (Falling flat on his bed) I never get any time to myself! Merlin: I know, it's almost like having to work. Come on. You don't have time for this. Merlin goes over to the bed and grabs Arthur, trying to drag him out of bed. Arthur struggles to stay under the covers. Merlin: No, come on. No, out of bed. Merlin forces Arthur out of bed along with all his covers. Merlin: You're doing very well, Arthur. King Arthur (on the floor): I don't think so. Merlin fetches Arthur's shirt. Merlin: Everyone's saying it. King Arthur: I'm glad your friends at the tavern approve. Merlin (pulls Arthur to his feet): I'm serious. You're becoming a very good king. King Arthur: Thank you. You're still the worst servant I've ever known. Someone knocks on the door. King Arthur: Enter. Agravaine enters. Agravaine: Good morning, my Lord. May I have a word? King Arthur: Of course. Agravaine: Er...the matter I wish to discuss is a delicate one, Sire. Perhaps it'd be better if we talked alone. FOREST - DAY Morgana rides through the woods. She approaches a city on a peninsula KING'S PALACE, ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS - DAY Arthur dresses behind his screen. Agravaine: We know there is a traitor amongst us. King Arthur: I wish I could deny it. Agravaine: But we have to consider everyone. Even those dearest to us. No one can be above suspicion. King Arthur: Of course. Agravaine: So...one of your knights? King Arthur: No. Agravaine: You sure? King Arthur: I would vouch for each and every one of them. Agravaine: Well, I have suggested Gaius before, but...I can't believe that he'd betray you. King Arthur: Nor I. Gaius has always been a loyal servant. Indeed, a friend. To me and my father. Agravaine: Well...it was Gaius who told you where to find the sorcerer that killed your father, wasn't it? And we do know that he has dabbled in sorcery. What if his interest in the dark arts has been rekindled? King Arthur: I've always believed I can trust Gaius. Agravaine: Oh, me too. Perhaps I am being a little hasty. But it wouldn't do any harm to ask him some questions, would it? King Arthur: I'm not sure there's any need. Agravaine: Oh, I believe there is, Sire. We're talking about your safety, and the safety of the realm. Somebody is plotting against you, and it is my duty to investigate every possibility, however unlikely. I'm sure that Gaius himself would respect that. CATHAR CITY - DAY Morgana walks through a market filled with townsfolk wearing turbans. She enters a temple. CATHAR TEMPLE- DAY Morgana approaches the guard in the corridor. Morgana: I wish to see the Cathar...He's expecting me. The guard moves aside. Morgana walks in. The Cathar is kneeling, praying. She faces him. Morgana: You are Alator of the Cathar, warrior and priest. Alator: You are Morgana Pendragon, High Priestess of the Triple Goddess, and last of your kind (he stands up). What do you seek here? Morgana: I need you to abduct someone. From Camelot. Alator: Camelot is no friend to our kind. From what I hear, the young king follows Uther's ways. Morgana: You are a Cathar. Such things would not stop you. Alator: Why should I risk my life for you? Morgana approaches him and holds out her arm with the healing bracelet. Morgana: Because I am willing to give you something in return. It was forged on the Isle of the Blessed by a High Priestess. Its healing powers are without equal in the five kingdoms. Alator takes the bracelet from her wrist. Alator: There is true power here. This is a precious gift. The person you seek must be important to you. Morgana: Yes. I hope the man will lead me to my mortal enemy...Emrys. Alator: It is as you wish. I will perform this task for you. KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER - DAY Arthur plays with his rings as guards escort Gaius into the room. He lingers in the background while Agravaine greets Gaius. Agravaine: Please, sit down. Gaius: Why have I been brought here in this manner? Agravaine: As the king's right hand man, one of my jobs is to ensure his safety. Agravaine holds out a chair for Gaius, who sits. Agravaine: That means asking questions, even of his most trusted servants. Then, so be it. No one is to take offence. Gaius: Have I done something wrong, Sire? Arthur doesn't have time to answer as Agravaine sits down across from Gaius and starts to question him. Agravaine: What is your attitude to sorcery, Gaius? Gaius looks at Arthur, who waits for his answer. Gaius: It is against the law. Agravaine: And do you agree with that? Gaius: I understand the reason for it. Agravaine: That's not an answer to the question that I asked. Gaius: The law is needed to prevent the abuses that have been perpetrated by sorcerers. Agravaine: Can I ask you to be a little more direct with your answers? Do you agree that magic should be banned? Yes or no? Gaius: Yes. Agravaine: Have you ever practiced sorcery? Gaius: A long time ago. Agravaine: Recently? Gaius: No. Agravaine: Then how did you know the sorcerer (looks at Arthur) that killed Uther? Gaius: I'd heard of him. Agravaine: You told Arthur where to find him. Gaius looks at Arthur. Gaius: Yes. Agravaine: That suggests you did know him. Gaius: I was told of a dwelling where he could be found. Agravaine: Who by? Gaius: I cannot say. Agravaine: Have you ever met with him? It's a simple enough question, Gaius. Have you met him, yes or no? Gaius takes a breath and looks down before answering. Gaius: No. Agravaine can tell he's lying. Agravaine: And you would be prepared to swear to that? Gaius: Yes. Agravaine: On oath? Gaius: Yes. Agravaine: Humph. Thank you, Gaius. It's been most informative. Agravaine is clearly pleased to have caught Gaius lying. Gaius: Is that it? Agravaine: Mmm...for today. Arthur stares at the floor in the background. Agravaine glares at Gaius as he leaves. They wait until the doors close and Arthur steps forward. King Arthur: Is it really necessary to treat him like that? Arthur sits on the throne. Agravaine: Your life is at stake, Sire. We cannot afford to be fainthearted. Agravaine stands. Agravaine: And you saw with your own eyes he was lying. King Arthur: He's definitely hiding something. Agravaine scoffs. King Arthur: But we can't be certain. We have no proof. Agravaine: No. You're right, Sire. We do not. But I fear that if we keep investigating, we might find some. Agravaine exits, leaving Arthur alone in the council room. FOREST - DAY Alator rides through the woods with his guard. They stop for a view of Camelot. LOWER TOWN - NIGHT A guard leads a horse up the street. Alator steps out of the shadows with is guard and follows him. KING'S PALACE, AGRAVAINE'S CHAMBER - NIGHT Merlin knocks on the open door. Agravaine: Come in...close the door, would you? Merlin closes the door and walks into the room. Agravaine: Merlin. I realise what a loyal and trusted servant you are, so I have a very special errand for you. Agravaine smiles and unwraps a dagger. He pulls it out of its sheath and holds it up, walking very close to Merlin. Merlin looks uneasy. Agravaine: What do you think? Merlin: It's beautiful. Agravaine: Present for Arthur. Merlin relaxes and smiles. Agravaine: It's been crafted by the sword smiths of Gedref, but unfortunately, the blade has become somewhat dulled during the journey. Agravaine sheathes the dagger and hands it to Merlin. Agravaine: Would you sharpen it for me? Merlin: Of course. Agravaine smiles and turns back to his chair. Agravaine: Oh, and Merlin... Merlin turns around on his way to the door. Agravaine: Leave it for the king to find in the morning. Merlin: It would be my pleasure. ROYAL STABLES - NIGHT A guard leads a horse into the stables. Alator and his bodyguard sneak in and wait for the guard to leave. They untie a white horse. Alator: Ga on wuda! The horse runs out of the stables and off through the lower town. KING'S PALACE, BATTLEMENTS - NIGHT Alator and his bodyguard hide under the battlements as guards pass by. They make their way to a door in the wall. Agravaine opens the door from the inside. Agravaine: You're late! Alator: Let us not waste time, then. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - NIGHT Gaius is working late. He hears something. Gaius: Merlin? Alator grabs Gaius from behind with a hand over his mouth. Alator: Onslæp nu! Gaius falls asleep and collapses into the bodyguard's arms. FOREST - NIGHT The bodyguard tosses Gaius onto a horse and they ride off. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - NIGHT Agravaine enters with a bag. He plants a book titled "Witchcraft, Sorcery & Magic" in the room, and quickly packs some of Gaius's things. KING'S PALACE, ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS - NIGHT Merlin places the sharpened dagger next to Arthur's bed while he sleeps. The warning bells sound and Arthur jolts awake. He looks over at Merlin who smiles at him. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - NIGHT Guards toss Gaius's possessions, breaking many of them. Agravaine holds the book he has planted. Agravaine: My Lord, he was seen riding away from the city. Sir Leon enters. Merlin: That can't be true. Sir Leon: Sire. (to Agravaine) You were right. A white stallion has been taken from the royal stables. King Arthur: Well, where would he be going? Why leave at this time of night? Agravaine: Well, I could hazard a guess, Sire, but I think a thorough search of his belongings may well provide us with the truth. FOREST - DAY Alator and the bodyguard ride through the forest with Gaius. They reach a large natural stone bridge and mining caves. KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER - DAY Arthur flips through the books of sorcery that are scattered on the table. King Arthur: And this was found in Gaius's chambers? Agravaine: I am as disappointed as you, Sire. Someone so close, so trusted. And it's not merely the discovery that he was a sorcerer, is it? It's... it's the lies. Merlin watches Arthur, angered by Agravaine's lies. Agravaine: The lies and years of betrayal. Arthur drops the spell book on the table, upset. Agravaine: I know it's hard to believe, isn't it, Sire? But we both saw him refuse to condemn magic. We both knew he was hiding something. And neither of us wanted to believe it, but...now, with this...hasty departure in the middle of the night? These are not the actions of an innocent man, Sire. There can be no doubt. Gaius is the traitor. Arthur leans back in his chair, still struggling Agravaine's words. Agravaine: I'll send a search party as soon as possible. King Arthur: No. What purpose will that serve? Let him run. Agravaine (bows): As you wish, Sire. Agravaine exits. Merlin (About Agravaine's accusations against Gaius): How can you believe this? Arthur looks down for a moment. King Arthur: I know how you must feel. We questioned him. He's been consorting with sorcerers. He more or less admitted to it. Merlin: And that makes him a traitor. King Arthur: Why run if you have nothing to hide? Merlin: He's given his life to this kingdom. He would never betray you. King Arthur: Then explain his actions. Merlin finally looks at Arthur. Merlin: All right. They're lies. Gaius would never run off in the night. King Arthur: Look, I know it's hard. But no break-ins were reported. His possessions are missing. A horse has been stolen. Merlin (At the verge of tears): He would not leave without saying goodbye to me. Merlin looks away again and stares in the opposite direction. Arthur sighs. Merlin: Agravaine has made this story up. King Arthur: I shall ignore that last comment. Merlin: Because he's your uncle, you will not see who he really is. King Arthur: Merlin! I've had my heart broken enough already today. I don't want to lose another friend. Arthur stands up briskly. King Arthur: Gaius...(holds up the book of magic)...condemned himself...(slaps the book on the table on his way out)...there's no more to be said. RIDGE OF CHEMARY - DAY Alator enters the cave. The bodyguard lays Gaius on a slanted slab of rock and Gaius stirs. Morgana: You've had a difficult journey. You must be tired. It's time to wake up. Morgana strokes his cheek and Gaius wakes. Morgana: It's time for the fun to begin. Gaius: Get on with it, Morgana. Whatever you want to do, just do it now. I'm not afraid to die. Morgana: Dying is the easy part. I wouldn't be in such a hurry if I were you. My friend here's going to help me get some information. Gaius looks at Alator for the first time. Morgana: Some information you might be a little reluctant to give. I want you to tell me where Emrys is. Gaius: I don't know anyone called Emrys. Morgana: Oh, I think you do. Gaius: Do what you will. I will never tell you anything, Morgana. Morgana: Alator is no ordinary torturer. He's a Cathar...priest of the Old Religion. He has at his disposal some skills only known by initiates. But you're a learned man, Gaius. I'm sure you know exactly what he can do. Morgana leaves and Agravaine follows her out. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - DAY Merlin sits on the floor reading a sheet of parchment. The door opens and he looks at it expectantly. It's Gwen. He turns back, disappointed. Merlin: I thought you were him. Gwen walks to him. She sits on the floor beside him and puts a hand on his shoulder. Merlin: Agravaine's behind this. He's done something to Gaius. Gwen: Arthur told me what you said. Merlin: He won't listen to me. Gwen: I'll do what I can, but...Agravaine's his uncle. He...he trusts him more than anyone. Merlin: Yeah. RIDGE OF CHEMARY - DAY Alator (spell): Ligfyr onbærne swiþe. Alator's eyes glow and a circle of flame rises up around Gaius's stone slab. Alator: Do not resist the fire. Let it enter your mind. Let the flames search out your thoughts. Feel them burn into the darkest recesses of your mind. Let them shine a torch on your deepest secrets. Bring them to the light. Gaius (looks in pain): Acwence þa bælblyse (the spell puts the fire out) Alator (surprised Casts another spell): Fyr wiþere! (it reignites the fire with more intensity). KING'S PALACE, AGRAVAINE'S CHAMBER - NIGHT Merlin searches Agravaine's chamber. He finds a chest under the bed and pulls it out. It's locked. His eyes glow and it unlatches. It's filled with books of Sorcery. Upset, Merlin shoves the box back under the bed. He notices a pair of boots nearby with reddish soil all over them. He rubs his thumb across the boot and picks up some of the dirt. He sniffs it and notices its odd smell. The door unlatches and he hides behind the dressing screen. Agravaine has a mirror set up in a position that allows him a view of the room, so Merlin can see where he is. Agravaine starts to undress and walks around the screen. Merlin has slipped around to the other side while Agravaine pulled off his shirt. Agravaine sees Merlin sneaking off in the strategic mirror. Merlin leaves and he steps around the screen, putting his shirt back on. He looks down by the bed and sees his boots with a thumb mark of dirt missing. He grits his teeth. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - NIGHT Gwaine is sitting on a bench, waiting for Merlin. Merlin stops as he enters. Merlin: What are you doing in here? Sir Gwaine: Got bored of playing soldiers. And I thought I'd come and see how you were. Still suspicious, Merlin takes a bag off the back of the door and opens it for Gwaine to exit before heading to a work table. Merlin: I'm busy. Sir Gwaine: Doing what? Merlin: What do you think? Sir Gwaine: Looking for Gaius. Merlin: I know everyone thinks he's a traitor, but he's not. He's been abducted, Gwaine. He may even be dead. Merlin turns to look at a book and brings a candle closer to examine the dirt. Sir Gwaine: Probably don't need my help, then. They exchange a look and Merlin softens. Merlin (holds up his dirty thumb): Do you know what this is? Sir Gwaine: Might do. (he gets up) Here. Let me see. Merlin holds out his hand and Gwaine takes a swipe of the dirt and smells it. Sir Gwaine: That's iron ore. Where'd you find this? Merlin: That doesn't matter. Does it help us? Sir Gwaine: Iron ore's pretty rare in Camelot. In fact, I've only seen it once, on a patrol. Merlin: Where? Sir Gwaine: Er...ridge of Chemary. They've been hewing iron from rocks there for hundreds of years. KING'S PALACE, MAIN SQUARE - NIGHT From his window, Agravaine sees Merlin and Gwaine ride out of Camelot. RIDGE OF CHEMARY - NIGHT Alator: Feel the fire roar deep within you. Feel your thoughts begin to simmer. Let them flee the rushing flames. Let them run like burning oil. Let them escape. Allow them free, Gaius. Gaius struggles against the magic. Alator: Tell me. Who...is...Emrys? FOREST - NIGHT Agravaine gallops through the forest. MORGANA'S HOVEL - NIGHT Agravaine bursts in. Agravaine: Merlin's onto us. He's out searching for Gaius even as we speak. He may even know where he's hidden. They both hurry out of the hovel. [SCENE_BREAK] RIDGE OF CHEMARY - NIGHT Merlin and Gwaine head into the mining caves. RIDGE OF CHEMARY - NIGHT Alator continues his mental torture. Alator: Tell me about Emrys. Tell me, Gaius. Where can we find Emrys? Gaius struggles not to speak, but can't help himself. Gaius: In Camelot. Alator: Where in Camelot? Gaius: Emrys is...Emrys is a name by which he is known to the druids, but to me...I know him by a different name. Alator: Tell me, Gaius. Gaius starts to form Merlin's name... Gaius: No! Alator places his hands on Gaius's head. Alator: Who is he? Gaius: H...he is the most powerful sorcerer who has ever lived. Alator: What is his name? Gaius: His name...is...(struggles to not speak)...Merlin. RIDGE OF CHEMARY, CAVE ENTRANCE - NIGHT Merlin and Gwaine enter the mine. Merlin notices the same iron ore on his boots. RIDGE OF CHEMARY - NIGHT Now Gaius is not fighting anymore and he continues to speak. Gaius: For the druids' legends are true. Merlin is...Emrys. A man destined for greatness. A man who will one day unite the powers of the old world and the new, and bring the time that the poets speak of. The time...of Albion. Gaius closes his eyes. RIDGE OF CHEMARY - NIGHT Merlin and Gwaine are still looking for Gaius The bodyguard jumps out at them. Gwaine fights him, but eventually Merlin steps in and, with a flash of the eyes, the guard is down. Alator hears the bodyguard's scream. Merlin helps Gwaine to his feet. FOREST - NIGHT Agravaine and Morgana ride hard for the caves. RIDGE OF CHEMARY - NIGHT Gwaine and Merlin come to a fork in their search. Merlin: We should split up. Sir Gwaine: Yeah. Merlin: Gwaine. If you find him, don't wait for me. Gwaine nods. RIDGE OF CHEMARY - DAY Agravaine and Morgana arrive. Agravaine dismounts. Agravaine: The black horse belongs to Gawain. He's a hot head. We've got to be careful of him. RIDGE OF CHEMARY - DAY Gwaine keeps searching. Agravaine and Morgana enter. Morgana: Go to Gaius. If he remains alive, we're all in danger. Agravaine: You can rest assured, he won't breathe another word. Morgana: I'll deal with Merlin and this hot head. They separate. Merlin continues searching and sees firelight ahead. He ducks into hiding as Alator comes around the corner. Alator stops, but doesn't look down to see Merlin. He leaves and Merlin carries on his search. RIDGE OF CHEMARY - DAY Agravaine finds Gaius. He steps into the stone circle and checks Gaius, who's still alive. Agravaine pulls out a dagger and goes for Gaius's throat. Sir Gwaine: Agravaine! So it was you! You abducted him. Agravaine: What? No! Sir Gwaine: What are you doing? Gwaine places his sword at Agravaine's throat. Agravaine: He's unconscious, I'm trying to help. Sir Gwaine (about Agravaine's dagger): With that? Agravaine: I want to see if he's still breathing. Agravaine lifts the dagger from Gaius's throat to his nose. Sir Gwaine: And is he? Agravaine: Just. You can see the breath still on the blade, look. Gwaine holds the torch near the dagger and Agravaine parries Gwaine's sword. Agravaine: Now do you believe me? Gwaine puts his sword back at Agravaine's throat. Sir Gwaine: Then how did you know he was here? Agravaine pauses, thinking on his feet. Agravaine: Guards at the western gate saw you and Merlin leave. Knowing Merlin's concern for Gaius, I thought it must be some new information at hand. So, I just followed your trail. Gwaine backs off and nods. Sir Gwaine: You agree he was abducted, then? Agravaine: Yes, of course he was. Now, we must get him back to Camelot without delay. Come on. Sir Gwaine: We have to find Merlin first. Agravaine: No! Gwaine looks back, suspicious. Agravaine: I fear if we do not leave now, Gaius will not survive. We've no time to lose. Give me a hand! Gwaine starts to go anyway. Agravaine: Look, the people who took Gaius have already fled. I saw them with my own eyes from the ridge. We must get back to Camelot by night fall. Gwaine hesitates. Agravaine: Come on, Gawain! Help me! Please! Gwaine sheathes his sword and goes to help. Agravaine: Merlin can find his own way back. RIDGE OF CHEMARY - DAY Merlin reaches a dead end. He turns back the way he came only to be thrown backwards by Morgana. Morgana: You really are a thorn in my side, aren't you? (pulls out a dagger) When will you learn not to meddle with things you couldn't possibly understand? Morgana throws the dagger and controls it to stay at Merlin's throat as he scampers backwards on the ground. Morgana: It's difficult, isn't it? When there are so many different and painful ways for me to be finally rid of you. Merlin: I don't care what you do to me. I want to know what you've done to Gaius. Morgana: Well, Gaius had some information I needed. The whereabouts of the sorcerer Emrys. If he gave it to me willingly, his suffering would not be prolonged, but...if he did not... Morgana smirks. Merlin: If you have harmed him... Morgana: Why are we discussing his fate when it's time to decide yours? Not whether you're going to die alone here in this godforsaken place. That's gonna happen anyway. But how ? Or more precisely how painfully ? Alator enters. Morgana: Alator, this is Merlin. Alator is surprised and looks more closely at Merlin. Morgana: He's just a serving boy, but he's the most troublesome serving boy I've ever known. I take it your time with Gaius was fruitful? Alator looks at Morgana. Alator: Gaius told me everything. Merlin looks at Alator. Morgana: So you know who Emrys is? Alator: Indeed I do. Alator walks forward and Morgana follows a few steps, desperate for his answer. Alator (ducking by Merlin's side): Not only do I know who Emrys is, I know exactly where he is. Morgana: Then tell me. Alator (looks at her): Never. Alator stands and aims his staff at her. Alator: Forþ fleoge! Morgana screams as she's thrown backwards against a rock and collapses unconscious. The dagger at Merlin's throat drops. Merlin scrambles to his feet. Alator: Merlin, I am Alator of the Cathar. I am honoured to be of service. Merlin: You have magic! Alator (nods): I understand the burden you carry. I have lived with it all my life. I have been shunned, persecuted, and sometimes even hunted in every corner of the five kingdoms. I understand what that feels like. You're not alone. From what Gaius told me, I do not have your great powers, Merlin, but I share your hopes. For I, and others like me, have dreamt of the world you seek to build. And we would gladly give our lives to help you do it. Alator kneels to Merlin who sighs in amazement. KING'S PALACE, DRAWBRIDGE - DAY Gwaine and Agravaine ride into the square with Gaius slung across Gwaine's horse. KING'S PALACE, GRIFFIN STAIRCASE - DAY Gwaine jogs up the stairs ahead of the guards carrying Gaius. He meets Arthur on the landing. King Arthur: What happened? Sir Gwaine: We found him. He'd been kidnapped. Arthur looks at Gwaine. He looks worried. Sir Gwaine: He's in a bad way. They follow the guards carrying Gaius, Agravaine behind them. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - DAY Agravaine and Arthur watch Gwen mopping Gaius's forehead. Agravaine: It seems I misjudged Gaius. Merlin was right all along. King Arthur: We were lucky he found him. Agravaine: Indeed. If it hadn't been for the tenacity of your boy, Gaius would be dead. We both owe Gaius and Merlin an apology, my Lord. Arthur leaves. Agravaine follows him after a last look at Gaius. RIDGE OF CHEMARY - DAY Morgana wakes in the cave. She picks up her healing bracelet which has been thrown to the ground by Alator. She looks frightened. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - DAY Merlin sits by Gaius's bedside. Gaius wakes. Gaius: I'm ashamed. Merlin: Why? Gaius: Your secret. A secret I thought I'd protect with my life. Merlin: Gaius, you could've died. Gaius: But if Morgana had found out... Merlin: She didn't. She didn't count on Alator's true loyalties. Gaius: I worry that one day I'll let you down. Merlin: My worry is Arthur. Gaius: We can't tell him about Agravaine. Merlin: He needs to know. Gaius: We don't have any evidence. And you've seen how dear he is to Arthur. Arthur knocks and enters. King Arthur (looks tense): I think I owe both of you an apology. Merlin (still a bit angry): Not to me. To Gaius. King Arthur: Yes...Merlin, will you give us a moment? Merlin gives Gaius a mischievous look and his mouth turns up in a cheeky manner. Merlin: Does that mean I get the morning off? Gaius smiles. King Arthur (relieved): Yes. Merlin raises his eyebrows, smiling. King Arthur: Yes, you can have the morning off to...clean my chambers, polish my armour, and launder my clothes. Merlin turns to Arthur. Merlin: You certainly know how to apologise. Arthur grins with an amused shrug. They share a look and Arthur nods to him as Merlin leaves. Arthur approaches Gaius's sickbed. King Arthur: Are you all right? Gaius: I'm just glad it's all over. King Arthur: I made a mistake. Gaius: I've looked after you since you were a nurseling, Arthur. You should've known I love you far too much ever to betray you. Arthur looks touched. King Arthur: Gaius...who abducted you? Gaius swallows hard and considers for a moment how to answer. Gaius: I couldn't say. But I'm certain they were in league with Morgana. King Arthur: What did they want? Gaius: Information. About you...Camelot...to help bring down the kingdom. King Arthur (softly): Did they get it? Gaius (shakes his head): Morgana got nothing from me. Arthur sighs in relief. He sits in the chair that Merlin vacated and grasps Gaius's hand. King Arthur: I'm grateful. Arthur braces his arms on his legs. King Arthur (softly): But there's a matter that still concerns me. When you were asked about the sorcerer who killed my father...you lied. Gaius: I did, Sire. King Arthur (softly): You admit it? Gaius: I chose to protect him. I feared you would seek him out and execute him. That would've been a grave mistake. The sorcerer did not kill your father. Uther was dying. He tried everything in his power to save him. Gaius sees Arthur having difficulty with what he said. Gaius: Contained within this great kingdom is a rich variety of people with a range of different beliefs. I'm not the only one seeking to protect you. There are many more who believe in the world you are trying to create. One day you will learn, Arthur. One day you will understand...just how much they've done for you. Arthur processes Gaius's words and nods.

Plan: A: an enigmatic wizard; Q: What is Alator? A: Agravaine; Q: Who does Gwaine find with Gaius? A: Gaius; Q: Who does Agravaine try to make Arthur suspect as the traitor? A: Emrys' identity; Q: What is Alator trying to extract from Gaius? A: Gaius' words; Q: What convinces Alator to turn against Morgana? A: Uther; Q: Who did Dragoon not kill? Summary: Morgana joins forces with an enigmatic wizard named Alator to uncover a secret that could change the course of destiny: the identity of Emrys. Meanwhile, Agravaine tries to make Arthur suspect Gaius as the traitor, as Alator kidnaps him to extract Emrys' identity from him. Merlin knows Agravaine is the traitor, but Arthur does not believe him. While Merlin and Gwaine try to find Gaius, Agravaine warns Morgana. Alator manages to extract Merlin's identity from Gaius. When Gwaine finds Agravaine with Gaius, he convinces the knight that he's here to help and they get Gaius back to safety. Convinced by Gaius' words, Alator turns against Morgana, and saves Merlin from her. Agravaine is forced to apologize to Gaius, who afterwards tells Arthur that Dragoon didn't kill Uther.

[Scene: Manor. Phoebe's bedroom. Phoebe's sitting on her bed folding the laundry. Cole walks in.] Cole: Hey. Guess what? Phoebe: You've come to help me fold the laundry. Cole: Uh, no. Phoebe: What good is it being a witch if I can't just twitch my nose and make the laundry fold itself. Cole: Uh, which witch can do that? Phoebe: Samantha Stevens. From Bewitched. Oh, it's only like one of my favourite television shows. Sometimes I forget you've only been human for like a month. Cole: I'm becoming more human by the day. What would you say if I became really human and... got a job. Phoebe: If that's the criteria for being human then I am in big trouble. (laughs) Cole: I'm serious. Paige said that a lawyer at legal aid quit so she kinda recommended me. Phoebe: She did? (Cole sits on the bed.) Cole: Of course , if you don't think that I should then... Phoebe: No, no. Actually, I think that's a great idea. It'll keep you busy and help you find your identity. While I lose mine. (She gets up and puts some clothes on the dressing table.) Cole: I'm sorry? Phoebe: Nothing. Cole: Tell me. Phoebe: It's just, becoming a wife. I mean, I like Samantha but I never actually wanted to become her. See, Samantha, (she sits back on the bed) she was married to a human, Darren. And Darren completely suppressed Samantha's magic, completely denied who she was. And it wasn't because he didn't love her, it was just that's the way it had to be. Cole: And this was one of your favourite shows? Phoebe: Well, not that part. It was just growing up that was my only role model for a typical marriage, so that's all I new. And he was able to meet people and leave the house and build his career and she had to stay home and you know, cook dinner and do the laundry. She went from being Samantha to Mrs. Darren Stevens overnight. Cole: Well, that won't happen to you. Phoebe: Won't it? Cole: No. You'll become Mrs. Cole Turner. Phoebe, come on. Number one, it was a different time, different world obviously. Number two, we're hardly typical. I proposed to you under a hail of demon goo and you accepted while I was bleeding to death, remember? Look, why don't we do it again, start over. (He pulls a ring out of his pocket and shows her.) Phoebe: Grams' ring. Cole: Mm-hm. Phoebe: Where did you get that? Cole: From Piper. She gave it to me so I could give it to you. Phoebe: Well, that's not exactly a good omen, she was married with that thing six times. Cole: Well, she must have liked something about it or she would've stopped at like three. (He kneels down in front of her and holds out the ring.) Ms. Phoebe Halliwell, I come to you, as a man, nothing more nothing less, to ask will you be my wife. Phoebe: Hmm, yeah, I will. Again. (She holds out her hand and he places the ring on her finger.) Cole: Good. (They kiss and hug. The ring glows.) [Scene: A house. A mother and father are standing outside a kid's bedroom.] Mother: Tyler, we just wanna talk. [Cut inside Tyler's bedroom.] Tyler: It was an accident. I'm sorry. Father: It's alright, just let us in. Tyler: No. You'll yell at me. [Cut to the hallway.] Father: (to mother) I'll deal with Tyler, you contact Ludlow. Tyler: Who's Ludlow? Father: He runs the academy we told you about. [Cut to Tyler's bedroom.] Tyler: I'm not going to boarding school. You can't send me away. Mother: Oh, honey, it's for your own good. Tyler: I told you, I didn't mean to do it. I swear I'm not bad, I swear! (Tyler gets mad and rubs his temples. His bed catches on fire.) Mother: Tyler? What's going on? Is that smoke I smell? Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Dining room. Piper and Leo are there sitting at the table, reading the paper. Paige walks in and stretches.] Paige: Ugh, the sun came up again. (Phoebe walks in carrying a jug of coffee.) Phoebe: Oh, good morning, sunshine. Let me pour you a cup of coffee. (She picks up a cup and pours the coffee.) Notice anything different about me? Piper: Engagement ring. Notice it or wear coffee. (Paige looks at her ring.) Paige: Nice ice! Phoebe: Thank you very much, I can't stop looking at it. Paige: I was like that when I got my belly ring. Oh, you're right, wedding ring is totally different. Piper: Phoebe? Phoebe: Yeah. Piper: Can you pass me the milk? Phoebe: It's right next to Leo. Leo: We're not talking to each other. Phoebe: What? Still? Wait, I don't understand, shouldn't you wait until after you have kids to start fighting about them? Paige: Well, what's the matter? Maybe we can help. Leo: It's about having a magical child in a non-magical world. Piper: Someone, I won't say who, has the insane notion of binding our child's powers. Leo: Why is it insane? Grams bound your powers when you were a child. Piper: Yes, and we spent twenty odd years ignorant about our destiny. I look back on those normal days and I feel like I was a complete and total fraud. (She slams the paper on the table.) Leo: I'm not saying hide the truth. It's just growing up is hard enough without the extra burden of having powers. Piper: Magic is not a burden, it is a gift. Leo: It's a lot for any child to deal with. Plus ours will be doubly magical, half Whitelighter, half witch. Paige: That's like me! Oh, you might have some problem. Where's Cole? We've gotta go to work. Phoebe: Ooh, I'll go get him. And Paige, thank you so much for getting him this job, I mean, especially now you know, that we're gonna be married and he's gonna have to get used to bringing in the bacon. (She leaves.) Paige: Since when does Phoebe care about Bacon? Leo: I'm sure she meant all breakfast means. (Paige leaves.) Piper, would you please pass me the milk? Piper: Nope. (She holds the paper up in front of her.) [Cut to the foyer. Paige is there putting on her coat. Cole comes down the stairs in a suit and Phoebe goes over to him.] Phoebe: Oh, honey, you look gorgeous. Should I make you some breakfast, you know it's the most important meal of the day. Cole: Thanks, I'll just grab a coffee on the way. Phoebe: Are you sure? I could whip something up in a jiff. Cole: In a jiff, really? Phoebe: Yeah. Paige: Come on, dude, let's get paid. Phoebe: Oh, have a great day. I am so proud of you. (They kiss.) Look at us, we are so bewitched. Cole: No, no, no, you feel free to use all the magic you want while I'm gone. Phoebe: Okay, whatever makes you happy. (Cole and Paige leave the manor. Phoebe looks at her ring.) I wonder what I should make him for dinner? [Scene: South Bay Social Services. Paige shows Cole to his small office.] Paige: So this is your office. You've got a desk, a chair, a lamp, what more do you need. Cole: Uh, oxygen? You know, when I was a D.A. I had an office eight times this size. Windows, an assistant... (He sits down on a small, low chair.) Plus I could throw energy balls. Paige: Yeah, well, you're human now, so get used to be humble just like all the rest of us. (He stands up. A woman walks in carrying a bundle of files.) Woman: Cole Turner? Hi, I'm Cynthia Coron, director of the legal aid office. Cole: Hi. Cynthia: Hi. Paige has told me such wonderful things about you. I wish I had time to get to know you but I don't, so jumping right in if we could. Paige: I have to jump right out. If anyone needs me I'll be down the hall. (Paige leaves.) Cynthia: Okay, your first case. (She puts the files on the desk.) Slum lord Alan Yates cut off heat to his tenants last week. He's doing it twelve for a fact finding session, which means you have two hours to learn everything about this case. So you better be fast and better be good. Thanks. Cole: Thank you. (She leaves.) I'm only human, you know. [Cut to down the hall. Paige walks pass Tyler who is sitting on a chair.] Paige: Hi. (She goes over to her boss.) Hey, what's with the kid? Mr. Cowan: Oh, police brought him in. Found him sleeping in an alley. Paige: Is he a runaway? Mr. Cowan: Looks like it. His name's Tyler, but I'm having trouble getting more information out of him. Paige: Sometimes those little video game things help loose them up. Billy's got one of them in the back, I'll go get it. Mr. Cowan: Good. (Paige walks away. Mr. Cowan walks over to Tyler and hands him a drink.) Here you go, Tyler, I thought you might be thirsty. (Tyler has a sip.) So have you thought about giving us a phone number so we can call your parents, letting them know you're okay? Did they hurt you? Tyler: No, they didn't hurt me. Mr. Cowan: Good, alright. But something happened. Tyler: I don't wanna talk about it. Mr. Cowan: I know it's hard, Tyler, but talking is how we fix... Tyler: I said I don't wanna talk about it! (Paige walks back in. Tyler gets mad and the trash can goes up in flames.) Paige: Fire! (The office gets noisy.) Woman: Get the fire extinguisher! (The boss walks away and Tyler runs out of the building. Paige grabs her purse.) [Cut to outside the building. Paige walks out, looking for Tyler. She looks behind the cars and finds him crouching behind one.] Paige: Hey. (He stands up.) Hey, hey, don't go, you don't have to be afraid. (He walks away. Paige follows.) I won't tell anyone I saw you start the fire. Tyler: You saw? (He stops walking.) Paige: Yeah, but nobody else did. And I promise I won't tell. I swear I won't. Tyler: I didn't mean to do it. Paige: I know, Tyler, I know. Tyler: Please don't make me go back to the clinic. I never want to go back to my foster parents, they don't understand me. Paige: I know a place where I can take you where you'll be safe. But you've gotta trust me, okay? Come on. [Cut inside the building. Mr. Cowan is putting out the fire in the trash can. Tyler's parents are standing there. Mr. Cowan turns around.] Mr. Cowan: Ooh, sorry, I didn't see you there. Father: We're looking for our son. His name is Tyler, eleven years old, blonde hair. Mr. Cowan: And you are? Mother: His foster parents. Is he here? Is he alright? Mr. Cowan: He was. Father: Thank god. We've been checking everywhere for him, we've been worried sick. Mother: Wait, what do you mean he was here? Where was he? Mr. Cowan: There was a fire and in the chaos he ran off. Father: Ran off? What do you mean? You lost him? Mother: Where could he have gone? We've gotta find him. Father: We will. Mother: I mean right now. Mr. Cowan: I understand this must be difficult. Mother: No, you don't understand anything. We need our son and we need him now! Father: Would you give me a moment with my wife? She's obviously very distraught. Mr. Cowan: Of course. (The man and woman walk into an empty room.) Father: You're making a scene. Mother: Can't a mother be upset about the loss of her son? Father: You're not reacting like an overreacting parent, you're reacting like a... Mother: A what? Father: A demon. Mother: We don't have time to play the concerned parents. Ludlow wants the boy before night fall. No boy, no bounty. Father: These humans can't help. Mother: So what are we supposed to do? Wait until Tyler uses his power again? Father: It's the only way we have of tracking him. Mother: What if he doesn't get angry? Father: He will. Just be patient. (They disappear.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper and Leo are there. Paige walks in from the living room.] Piper: How's it going? Paige: Not so good. He's barely making eye contact, not really speaking. He's just really afraid. Leo: Of what? Paige: Himself, his powers. He's showing all the signs of a kid who's never received sustained affection. Piper: Well, plus, being shuffled in and out of foster homes doesn't help either. Paige: No, and I get the sense that he is always felt like an outsider and a bit of a freak and now he's found out that in some ways he kind of is. (She walks across the room.) Leo: Which is why it could make sense for us to bind his powers. Piper: Yeah, maybe we could take off one of his legs at the same time because they're both part of him. Leo: It's not the same thing, Piper. Tyler's powers could be a danger to himself and to others. Piper: You know what? Don't make our issues his issues. I think you need to give him a chance to learn how to control it. Maybe that's why we met him. To teach him, guide him. (Phoebe walks in with a plate of cookies. She has her hair done like Samantha Stevens. Phoebe: Feed him. Paige: Wow, Phoebe, you went all out. Phoebe: Oh, well, you know me. Any excuse to spend a little time in the kitchen. Piper: I do know you and that's just not true. Phoebe: Oh, but it is now that I'm going to be Sadie, Sadie, married lady. Piper: Alright, Sadie, how about I take the cookies to the kid. (to Paige) Do you mind if I try talking to him? Paige: No, actually, the sooner we get to him the better 'cause last time I checked kidnapping is still illegal. I'm gonna get back to work, you guys call me later. (Paige leaves.) Phoebe: Eat 'em while they're hot. Piper: Mmm, Pheebs, friendly little tip, lay off the hairspray, there's a fire starter in the house. (Piper walks in the living room with the cookies. Tyler's there playing a Game Boy.) My sister made some cookies, do you want some? Mm, I don't blame you, it could be kinda dicey, she's not really a great cook. (Piper puts the plate on the coffee table.) Why don't you try one? So, you know, her feelings don't get hurt. (Piper sits on the couch. Tyler takes a cookie and has a bite.) Tyler: Can I have another? Piper: Help yourself. You know, it's probably hard to believe but something amazing has happened to you. You've been given a gift. And as strange as it sounds, you're not alone, I know exactly what you're going through. Tyler: Yeah, right, you start fires too. Piper: Not exactly. But I do know what it's like to possess a power you can't control. That you want so desperately to be normal but it's just not an option. And because there aren't any options sometimes you get so angry that you wanna... (She uses her power and blows up a vase of flowers.) Tyler: Whoa, what was that? What did you just do? Piper: I proved that I know what you're going through. Tyler: But how did you do that? Piper: Pretty much the same way you do. I've just learned how to focus my emotions and control it. Tyler: I wish I could control mine. Then I could be around people. Piper: Is that why you ran away? Because you were afraid you might hurt someone? Tyler: I was scared. I set fire to the living room couch. I didn't mean to but my foster mum was yelling at me that I was good for nothing and it made me so mad I just... (He sets fire to a chair. Piper jumps up.) Piper: Whoa. Tyler: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Piper: It's okay, in this house it's okay. (She freezes the fire.) I can also freeze things. Tyler: That's cool. Piper: Leo? Could you get me some water? [Cut to the kitchen. Phoebe is cooking. Leo walks in.] Phoebe: Oh, Leo, I am so glad you came in, I have a very important question to ask you. Leo: What is it? Phoebe: Do you think that little boy will be staying for lunch? (Leo goes over to the sink and fills up a jug.) Leo: Uh, I would imagine so. Uh, what's the important question? Phoebe: That was it. Leo: Really? Phoebe, are you feeling alright? Phoebe: Peachy keen. (The phone rings.) Ooh, I'll get it. (Leo leaves. Phoebe answers the phone.) Hello? Cole: You gotta keep me from killing this slum lord. I've got a meeting in like ten minutes with a guy who's the biggest ass. Phoebe: Hold it, do not make me march down there and wash your mouth out with soap, mister. Cole: Huh? Phoebe: Do you want me to twitch my nose and turn him into Mr. Nice? Cole: No, I want to use an energy ball and send him where he belongs. The jerk cut off the heat causing an elderly tenant to get pneumonia, then he tried to evict her. Phoebe: Okay, well, just relax and try to get through it and I will have a martini waiting for you when I get home. Cole: A martini? Phoebe: Yeah, and a steak. You really need some more red meat in your diet. Cole: What the hell are you talking about? (The doorbell rings.) Phoebe: Company. I have to go. (She hangs up.) [Cut to the foyer. Piper heads for the door but Phoebe runs past her.] Phoebe: I'll get it! (She opens the door and Tyler's foster parents are there.) Hello. Mother: Hi. Phoebe: Hi. Father: Hi, we're looking for our son, Tyler. Is he here by any chance? Phoebe: You betcha. Come on in. (They walk in.) Can I make you anything? A sandwich, a Spanish omelette perhaps? Piper: Wait, how did you know he was here? Mother: Maternal instinct? (The father knocks Piper down. Phoebe screams.) Tyler: Piper! Father: I got him. (Piper gets up and blows up a clock. The mother throws an energy ball, hitting the window. She throws another at Piper and Leo pushes her out the way.) Tyler: Leave them alone! Father: Nobody is keeping us from collecting our bounty. Tyler: No, stop! Mother: Shut up. (Tyler gets mad and the two demons burst into flames, vanquishing them.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Tyler is upset.] Tyler: I didn't mean to. Piper: Tyler, you don't have to explain. We were there, we saw what happened. Tyler: I thought I was gonna hurt someone. And then I did. Leo: You did what you had to do. Tyler: I did a bad thing. Piper: Tyler, listen to me. Look at me. (He does so.) You didn't do a bad thing. Those were very bad people and they were gonna hurt us, you protected us. Come on, I wanna show you something. Come on, it's okay. [Cut to the attic. Piper, Leo and Tyler walk over to the Book of Shadows.] Tyler: A book? Piper: Not just any book, it's a magical one. Can I trust you? Tyler: Sure. Yeah. (She picks up the book.) Piper: Okay, let's find out who those people really were. (They sit on a couch.) Tyler: My foster parents? Leo: They weren't really your foster parents, Tyler. They were... (Piper opens the book.) Piper: Demonic bounty hunters. Driven by greed, these heartless low level demons will stop at nothing to collect their bounty. Tyler: So if they're bad, does that mean that I didn't do anything bad? Leo: That's right. Tyler: Is there anything about me in there? Piper: Actually I think there is. (She flips the page.) Here it is. You read. Tyler: "A firestarter. An extremely rare and coveted magical creature." What does coveted mean? Piper: It means highly desirable, wanted. Tyler: I'm wanted? Piper: Very much so. "Their power is linked to their emotions. It first manifests itself in adolescence. They're often trained to be the body guards of the Source." (She looks at Leo.) Tyler: What's the Source? Piper: A really, really bad guy. Leo: Which means he's probably resurfacing if the bounty hunters are after Tyler. Tyler: So Ludlow must be a bounty hunter too then. Piper: Who's Ludlow:? Tyler: Some guy who runs some kind of academy. My demon parents were gonna send me there. Leo: To train. To serve the Source. Tyler: So them I am bad. Piper: Why do you say that? Tyler: Well, if I'm supposed to use my powers to protect somebody bad... Piper: No, but that's not how powers work. They're not good or bad by themselves, it's how we use them. Leo: Tyler, why don't you read a little more while I talk to Piper. (Leo and Piper walk across the room.) Piper: See, with a little guidance he's already on the road to acceptance and control. Leo: That's great, but I think we have another problem. I figured out how the bounty hunters found out where Tyler is. They tracked his powers. Piper: You mean when he blew up the chair? Leo: Yeah. So when he vanquished them... Piper: So there may be more bounty hunters on the way. [Cut to the kitchen. Phoebe is there, cooking.] Phoebe: (singing) "I'm making soup for Cole, he'll eat it in a bowl, I guess that's my new role, just making soup for Cole." (She puts some vegetables in a pot and goes over to the sink. A demon bounty hunter appears.) Bounty Hunter: Where's the fire starter? (Phoebe turns around and screams.) Phoebe: You nearly scared me half to death. Bounty Hunter: The boy, now! Phoebe: I don't like your tone of voice, mister. (He gets an energy ball ready and Piper runs in and blows him up.) Piper: Are you alright? Phoebe: Yeah, no messy clean up. Piper: Since when do you scream instead of fight? Phoebe: Actually, I did consider scratching him. Piper: That was another bounty hunter, which means more are just gonna keep coming until Ludlow gets Tyler. Unless we get Ludlow first. Phoebe: Ew, dishpan hands. Piper: Leo and I can pose as bounty hunters, say that we have Tyler and we can gain access to Ludlow and vanquish him. Phoebe: Sure. Just as long as you're home for dinner. Piper: But he's gotta be pretty powerful which means we might need the power of three. Plus, bring Ludlow back here just in case, and call Paige and tell her to get her butt back here as soon as possible. Phoebe: Okey-dokey. [Cut to South Bay Social Services. Paige is at her desk talking to a guy.] Paige: Oh, god, I'll have everything done for you in one second, okay? (The phone rings.) Uh, two secs. (She answer the phone.) Paige Matthews. Phoebe: Serena? Sam. Paige: Phoebe? Uh, look, I'm in the middle of about a zillion things. Can I just call you back? Phoebe: Piper wants you to come home. And I want you to bring your appetite. Paige: Yeah, Phoebe, like I said, I'm in the middle of a zillion things. (Suddenly, a man is pushed out of an office and crashes into a wall. Cole walks out.) Man: Back off! This is assault. Cole: Yeah, well, it's better than what you do which is close to murder! Paige: Oh my god, you would not believe what Cole is doing. Phoebe: Cole... how is my little sweetie? Cole: Get up you scum. Man: I'll see you in court. Cole: Yeah, you'll see me every time you look around. (Cynthia rushes over.) Cynthia: I don't believe this. Let go of him, what are you doing? Cole: I want the heat turned back on for those tenants today. Do you hear me! (The man leaves.) Cynthia: This is not the way we do things around here. Cole: Yeah, well, maybe you should. Or maybe I should just quit. Cynthia: You're fired! [Cut to the manor. Tyler is playing the Game Boy in the living room. Piper and Leo are watching him from near by.] Piper: He looks so normal. Leo: Are you sure we should let him play those games? Aren't they kind of violent? Tyler: Darn it. (He starts to get mad but calms down.) Leo: Looks like he's learning to handle his power. Piper: He wouldn't been given them if he couldn't. Leo: Is that what you think of you and your sisters? Piper: I don't know, maybe. All I do know is that when we finally got our powers back, it felt like we were scrambling to catch up. And I can't help but think if we had our powers from day one we would have been more prepared. Things would have turned out different. Leo: Prue would still be alive? Piper: And the Source would be dead. And we would be on our way to having a family as apposed to just talking about it. Leo: Life would be perfect. Piper: Not perfect, just easier. (Paige and Cole walk in through the front door.) Paig: Obviously when I recommended you for the job I thought you were a former demon. Cole: You know, do me a favour, Paige, and don't do me anymore favours. (Leo and Piper walk into the foyer.) Piper: Good, Paige, you're home. Paige: Yeah, but not for long. I have to go back to work unlike Cole here. Cole: The legal aid didn't work out for me. See I thought lawyers were supposed to seek out justice. Piper: Okay, we've got bigger problems. The Source wants Tyler. So let's focus on the pressing matter at hand. (Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Lunch! Cole: Phoebe. Phoebe: Darling, oh, what a pleasant surprise. Cole: Are you feeling okay? (Phoebe's face turns grey, then back to normal.) Phoebe: Oh, yeah, happy as a clam, why? Piper: What was that? Phoebe: What was what? Cole: You just flashed... black and white. Phoebe: Oh, don't be silly. (laughs) Paige: Oh, he's not being silly, we all saw it. Phoebe: Uh. (laughs again) Piper: Okay, we don't have time for this. We've gotta get to Ludlow before the Source does. So Cole, fix Phoebe, I don't care how you do it, just do it. She needs to write a spell. Cole: Uh, which spell? Piper: A power of three spell, in case Leo and I have no choice but to lure Ludlow back here. (A timer goes off from the kitchen.) Phoebe: Oh, the biscuits are ready. (She goes back in the kitchen.) Leo: We'll need some proof of Ludlow that we actually have Tyler. Piper: We're gonna take his jacket. (Tyler walks in.) Tyler: Why can't I come with you? Piper: Because it's too dangerous. Tyler: But I can protect myself. Besides, I helped yo out before didn't I? Piper: This is different. Leo: Okay, everyone, be ready, be prepared, no surprises. (He orbs out with Piper and Tyler jumps on Leo's back, orbing out with them.) [Cut to outside Ludlow's academy. Piper and Leo orbs in with Tyler. Tyler jumps off Leo's back.] Piper: Hey! What happened? Leo: He jumped the orb. Piper: Dude, you are so going back right now! (Bounty hunters appear and surround them.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside Ludlow's academy. Continued from before.] Bounty Hunter #1: Who are you? What are you doing here? Leo: We, ah, got lost. Bounty Hunter #1: The academy is protected by charms which means you can't fnd the place unless you're looking for it. Kill them. (They get their energy balls ready.) Piper: Whoa, whoa, whoa. (She freezes them.) Leo: Let's get out of here. Tyler: Not going. Piper: You wanna bet? (Tyler runs for the gate. Piper and Leo chase him.) Hey, I said no. (He stops.) Tyler: Look, just listen to me. They don't know I'm a firestarter yet. Once they do, they'll take us right to Ludlow. Isn't that what we want? Piper: No, not at your expense. And I'm not gonna let you go in there. Tyler: And I don't wanna spend the rest of my life with bad guys chasing me. Leo: He's right. Wherever we take him, they'll eventually find him. Piper: Yeah, if something happens to him... Tyler: They won't hurt me, remember? I'm coveted. Leo: If he tags along, it might double your chances of getting Ludlow and not having to go home. Tyler: I'd like to do something good for once. Piper: Alright, but you stay next to me. And if anything goes wrong we are out of there. Tyler: Okay. Piper: This better work. (She unfreezes the bounty hunters and they throw the energy balls, hitting the gate. They turn around.) Hi. Bounty Hunter #1: How'd you... Piper: We're bounty hunters, we need to see Ludlow. Bounty Hunter #1: Who's the kid? Tyler: I'm not a kid, I'm a firestarter. Leo: So you gonna let us in or not? Bounty Hunter #1: What's the password? Leo: Password? (He looks at Piper.) Uh... (Piper blows up bounty hunter #1.) Bounty Hunter #2: That was it. You're in. (They open the gate.) [Scene: Manor. Bathroom. Phoebe is having a bubble bath. Cole walks in.] Phoebe: Oh, hey, honey. Cole: What are you doing? This is no time to be taking a bath. Piper might be home any minute and she's counting on you to write a spell. Phoebe: Oh, I tried, and I only got as far as "Hey, demon!" and then my mind went blank. (She blows bubbles off her hand and grins.) Cole: Look, I don't know what's happening to you. It might be some backfired spell, or curse or something but you've gotta snap out of it, there's work to be done. Phoebe: Yeah. Hey, why aren't you at the office? Cole: Because I quit my job. Phoebe: You what? Cole: I don't think I'm cut out for that nine to five life. Phoebe: Oh, honey, what will you do? Cole: I don't know, I'm still searching for who I am. But I know who you are which is a demon fighting, ass kicking witch who never lets her sisters down. So get out of that bath and show me what you're made of! (Phoebe stands up. She turns black and white.) Phoebe: Better? Paige: Hey, Cole, how's your progress going... (She walks in and sees Phoebe.) Oh, god, full frontal Phoebe. Sorry. (She looks away.) Cole: She just, she just flashed. Paige: Yeah, I got that. Cole: No-no, she just flashed black and white. Paige: Again? She's like an old TV that's on the blink or something. Cole: Hey, uh, maybe that's the connection. The-the TV show Bewitched, is that in black and white or colour? Paige: Originally black and white. Phoebe: Brrr... I'm very chilly. (She shivers.) Paige: Uh, Phoebe, sit down. (She does so.) Why are you asking me about Bewitched? Cole: Because Phoebe was worried about becoming an old fashioned housewife like Samantha and it might be fine for some people, but for Phoebe, that could be kind of dangerous. So I'll take care of her, and you need to write the power of three spell. Paige: No, I-I've never done that before. Cole: Well, you're gonna have to learn fast, so go, hurry. (She leaves. Cole grabs a towel.) You. Phoebe: Yeah. Cole: You're coming with me. Phoebe: Ooh, rarrr. (She stands up and Cole wraps the towel around her.) [Scene: Ludlow's academy. A demon is leading Piper, Leo and Tyler down a hallway.] Tyler: (whispering) So we're gonna try to take him out, right? Leo: Shh. Piper: Yes, I will go in first. Tyler: What if I can't, I mean, I have to get angry for my power to work don't I? Piper: So? Tyler: So what if I'm just scared instead? What if it doesn't work? (They walk up some stairs and approach a door.) Demon: Just walk through that door. Leo: Through the door? Demon: Yes, through the door. (They walk through the door and end up in Ludlow's office.) Leo: Where is he? Piper: Ludlow! (Ludlow appears in a chair behind his desk.) Ludlow: So, you brought the alleged firestarter. You've given us quite the run around, haven't you boy? I said haven't you boy? Tyler: Yes. Ludlow: Yes what? Tyler: Yes sir. Ludlow: No one teaches manners anymore. Piper: About our payment, see we don't want any surprises. (She tries to freeze him.) Yeah, 'cause we hate surprises. (She tries to freeze him again.) Ludlow: What are you doing? What, are you afraid that I'll grab the boy and stiff you? If the child is a firestarter you'll get your reward. If he's not, you'll all die. Leo: Well, Tyler is a firestarter so that won't be an issue. Ludlow: Prove it. Piper: (to Tyler) Go ahead. Give him everything you got. (Tyler gets mad but nothing happens.) Ludlow: What, not even a flicker? Piper: Okay, he's just a little scared. Ludlow: Oh, that's ridiculous. Don't be scared, boy. (He walks around his desk.) You're closing in on one of the most important moment of your life. Prove what you are and you'll meet the Source. The most powerful evil that exists in the universe. Piper: Yeah, okay, see, that's not helping. Ludlow: Do it. Piper: He's just a kid. Ludlow: Do it, boy. Piper: I mean it, lay off of him. Ludlow: Insolent! How dare you! Tyler: No! (He gets mad and Ludlow bursts into flames. The flames die down and Ludlow laughs.) Ludlow: Excellent! Well done. (Frost shoots out of Ludlow's hand and hits Tyler. Tyler is knocked unconscious and falls onto a chair.) Piper: What did you do to him? Ludlow: Just a precaution until the Source arrives. To kill him and steal his power. Piper: But... Ludlow: Your bounty's outside. (He flicks his arm and Piper and Leo fly through the door.) [Cut to outside. Piper and Leo land on the ground. The gates close. They stand up.] Piper: Leo, hurry, go get him. (Leo orbs out. The gate sparks and Leo orbs back in, falling to the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside the academy. Piper tries several times to blow up the gate.] Piper: It's the force shield, I can't blast through it. Leo: I'll go get your sisters. Piper: Leo... Leo: I know, hurry. (He orbs out.) [Cut to the manor. Attic. Phoebe, Paige and Cole are there. Phoebe is sitting on a chair knitting. She flicks black and white and back to normal. Leo orbs in.] Leo: It's a disaster there. Ludlow has Tyler. Cole: It's a disaster here too. Leo: Piper needs her sisters immediately. Phoebe: Oh, I'll be right with you, as soon as I finish this sleeve. Leo: A child is in danger, Phoebe. We need you now. Phoebe: Phoebe? Who's Phoebe? Paige: She can't go with you. She doesn't even know who she is anymore. Phoebe: I beg your pardon, I know exactly who I am. I am Mrs. Cole Turner. Cole: This is all wrong. Ever since I put that ring on your finger you've been acting strange. Phoebe: You mean I've been acting normal. Cole: Which is strange for you, you know. I've gotta be honest, if this is what being married to you is gonna be like, you can take that ring off now. (She stands up.) Phoebe: I will not. This ring is a symbol of our love. Paige: That's it. The ring, we've gotta get it off. Phoebe: Over my dead body. Paige: Won't be necessary. Grams' ring please. (The ring orbs into Paige's hand.) Phoebe: No. (Paige looks at the ring.) Paige: It's got an inscription. "To gain another, to lose oneself." Cole: Grams cursed the ring, why? Leo: I don't know, good question. (Phoebe sits down. She's stopped flashing.) Look. (Cole kneels beside her.) Cole: You feeling better? Phoebe: I feel a little faint. Paige: Can you hold it together? We've gotta go. Phoebe: I don't know. I'm still a little confused. Cole: Well, nothing will remind you of who you are better than saving an innocent, now go to work. [Cut to outside the academy. Leo orbs in with Phoebe and Paige.] Piper: I can't get in, you've gotta write a spell. Paige: Are you up to it? Phoebe: I think so. "Uh, door lock, no magic block." Piper: That's it? Phoebe: Come here. (They stand beside each other.) Piper, Phoebe, Paige: "Door lock, no magic block." (The gate sparks. Piper goes over and touches the gate. It electrocutes her.) Phoebe: Honey, maybe we should go back and check the Book of Shadows again. Piper: I can't leave Tyler here. Paige: It doesn't look like you have much of a choice. Tyler: (from the building) No! Please, don't hurt me! Piper: Stand back. (Piper tries to blow up the gate.) Tyler: No! (She tries to blow up the gate.) Don't hurt me! (She uses all her strength and blows up the gate. Piper walks in.) Phoebe: (to Paige) What was that? Paige: I think you just saw a mother lift a car off her child. [Cut to inside the academy. Tyler is lying on a table, covered in ice. Ludlow is waving his hands above Tyler.] Ludlow: All the pain is over. Soon you will serve the Source. (The door is blown up and Piper storms in, followed by Phoebe, Paige and Leo.) Piper: I'm back! Ludlow: I paid you your bounty. Piper: Yeah, that's not what I'm after. (She tries to blow him up but only wounds him. He falls back.) (to Phoebe) Power of three spell? Phoebe: I don't have one. Paige: I did one. (She gets out a piece of paper.) Piper, Phoebe, Paige: "The brittle winter gives way to flowers of spring, Ludlow is vanquished." (Ludlow yells and blows up.) Phoebe: What the hell was that? (They rush over to Tyler.) Paige: It was a Haiku. I couldn't do the rhyming thing. Piper: Leo, he's frozen. Leo: I got him. (Leo holds his hands above Tyler.) Piper: He's starting to warm up. (The ice disappears.) Leo: He's gonna make it. Let's get back to the gate and orb home. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper, Leo and Tyler are there. Piper picks up a glass of blue liquid.] Piper: Are you sure you wanna do this? It's completely up to you. Tyler: Yeah, I'm sure. Piper: It's an awful lot to give up. Tyler: No, it's not. Not for me. Piper: Alright, here you go. (She hands him the glass.) It'll bind your powers, it won't strip them but it'll bind them. (He drinks the potion and burps.) Say excuse me. Tyler: Excuse me. Piper: Ludlow's right, nobody teaches manners anymore. (Piper puts the glass in the sink.) Tyler: Do you think it worked? Leo: Try it, look at something and get mad. Just think of Ludlow. (He looks at a pot plant and gets mad. Nothing happens.) Tyler: I didn't hurt it. I'm normal. Piper: Whatever that means. (Tyler starts to run off.) Whoa, whoa, whoa, where you going? Tyler: To play video games. (He runs off.) Piper: Ah. Leo: Still wanna have a baby? Piper: Mm-hmm, I'm just not ready for an adolescent yet. Leo: Paige said she found a pretty good family, not too far from here. Piper: I'm glad because I want visitation rights. Plus, you know, I have to be in touch in case he ever wants his powers back. Leo: You think he will? Piper: I don't know. He's a surprising kid. Leo: Like the piggy-back orb? Piper: I was so focused on how I was going to guide him, then he ended up guiding me. Leo: How? Piper: Well, you know how I was upset with Grams for binding our powers, leaving us unprepared for our magical future. Leo: You mentioned it once or twice. Piper: Well, now I see the wisdom in her decision. I mean, she realised someday we were gonna have to battle demons. But she always realised that children shouldn't live in fear. The need to feel safe, and explore, and learn and grow. I still think magic is a gift, that Grams gave us the greatest gift of all. A normal childhood, the gift of innocence. (They hug.) [Cut to the bathroom. Phoebe and Cole are taking a bath together. Cole splashes some water and Phoebe giggles.] Phoebe: Okay, okay, stop splashing! I'll say it. Cole Turner is the greatest lawyer in all the world. Cole: Greatest unemployed lawyer in all of the world. Although Mr. Yates did respond to my persuasive argument and got the tenants heat back on. Phoebe: And he's not gonna press charges? Cole: Nope. He's lawyer thought the case would raise more issues than it closed. Phoebe: I am so proud of you. (They kiss.) Cole: And that I was colourful. Phoebe: I think I figured out what Grams did to this ring here. (She picks it up.) Cole: Did you now. Phoebe: I think from making a seventh mistake, she put a hex on the ring, so that if she ever got engaged again the ring would remind her about what she hated about marriage. Cole: Mmm, the loss of identity, the subjugation by a man to focus on housework. Phoebe: All those things that I was afraid of. Cole: But Grams was from a different era, that's not gonna happen to us. Sitting and knitting is not the woman you are, just like sitting and typing is not the man I am. Phoebe: No, I can't picture you doing that. (She pulls a funny face and pretends to type. She giggles.) Cole: But you can picture us together or are you still freaked out by marriage that you don't... Phoebe: No. I wanna marry you. We just have to work extra hard that none of us loses our identity. And as for Grams and her notion of marriage... (She pulls the plug.) We can watch that go down the drain. (She throws the ring into the bath and it does down the drain. They kiss.)

Plan: A: 10 year-old; Q: How old is the boy? A: foster care; Q: What is the boy's living situation? A: demons; Q: What are the foster parents? A: evil; Q: What are the foster parents trying to get the boy to use his powers for? A: good; Q: What do the sisters want the boy to use his powers for? A: Cole; Q: Who goes to work with Paige at the social services office? A: spirits; Q: What are Cole and Phoebe no longer possessed by? A: a 1950's housewife; Q: What does Phoebe turn into when she puts on Grams' engagement ring? Summary: While at work, Paige discovers that a 10 year-old boy in foster care has the ability to magically start fires. Upon learning that his foster parents are actually demons who are attempting to get him to use his powers for evil, she, Piper, and Phoebe try to convince him to use his powers for good. Meanwhile, Cole proposes to Phoebe now that they are no longer possessed by spirits. However, when she puts on Grams' engagement ring, she falls under its magical spell and turns into a 1950's housewife. Also, Cole goes to work with Paige at the social services office.

PYRAMIDS OF MARS BY: "STEPHEN HARRIS" (ROBERT HOLMES AND LEWIS GREIFER) Part Four Running time: 24:52 [SCENE_BREAK] SUTEKH: No, you will not die yet. Identify yourself. DOCTOR: Just destroy me, Sutekh. Nothing else now is left within your power. SUTEKH: Identify yourself. It is within my power to choose the manner of your death. SUTEKH: I can, if I choose, keep you alive for centuries, racked by the most excruciating pain. Since your interference has condemned me for ever to remain a prisoner in the Eye of Horus, it would be a fitting end. You would make an amusing diversion. SUTEKH: Identify yourself, plaything of Sutekh. DOCTOR: I'm a traveller. SUTEKH: From where? DOCTOR: Gallifrey, in the constellation of Kasterborus. SUTEKH: Names mean nothing. What is the binary location from galactic zero centre? DOCTOR: Ten zero eleven, zero zero by zero two. SUTEKH: I know the planet. Data retrieval. SUTEKH: So, you are a Time Lord. DOCTOR: I renounced the society of the Time Lords. Now I'm simply a traveller. SUTEKH: In time and space. In time and space? DOCTOR: (screaming) Yes! Yes! SUTEKH: Ah. Approach closer. What are you called, Time Lord? DOCTOR: Doctor. SUTEKH: I offer you an alliance, Doctor. Serve me truly, and an empire can be yours. DOCTOR: Serve you, Sutekh? Your name is abominated in every civilised world, whether that name be Set, Satan, Sodos SUTEKH: Serve me, Doctor. DOCTOR: Never! Argh! SUTEKH: You pit your puny will against mine? Kneel! DOCTOR: No! SUTEKH: Kneel before the might of Sutekh. SUTEKH: In my presence, you are an ant, a termite. Abase yourself, you grovelling insect. SUTEKH: Well, speak. SCARMAN (on monitor): Sutekh, great Master, the servicers have found one of the humans responsible for the destruction of the missile. SUTEKH: Their leader is my prisoner, Scarman. I have no interest in the humans. SCARMAN (on monitor): Then this one can be destroyed. DOCTOR: Sarah! SUTEKH: Kill it immediately. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR (OOV.): No! No! SUTEKH (OOV.): Wait. SUTEKH (OOV.): Keep the human alive, Scarman. It may have some use. SCARMAN: As you command, Great One, so it shall be. [SCENE_BREAK] SUTEKH: You are a Time Lord. What interest have you in humans? DOCTOR: All sapient lifeforms are our kith, Sutekh. SUTEKH: Horus held that view. I refute it. DOCTOR: Because you fear that other intelligent lifeforms may grow to rival you in power, so you kill all life wherever you find it. SUTEKH: Your argument is a cloud, but I see through it into your mind. The human girl. Ah, she travels with you. DOCTOR: If you can do that by mental force, Sutekh, then nothing can be beyond you. SUTEKH: Nothing, except to free myself from the Eye of Horus. DOCTOR: You use your powers for evil. SUTEKH: Evil? Your evil is my good. I am Sutekh the Destroyer. Where I tread I leave nothing but dust and darkness. I find that good. DOCTOR: Then I curse you, Sutekh, in the name of all nature. You are a twisted abhorrence. Argh! SUTEKH: Any further insolence, Doctor, and I shall shred your nervous system into a million fibres. Is that understood? SUTEKH: Scarman. [SCENE_BREAK] SCARMAN: I hear you, Master. SUTEKH (OOV.): My enemies have brought the means of my deliverance. SARAH: The TARDIS key! SUTEKH (OOV.): This allows you entry into the Time Lord's space machine. Take one servicer and travel to the pyramid of Mars. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: He won't find that possible, Sutekh. SUTEKH: Scarman is my puppet. My mind is in his. DOCTOR: The controls of the TARDIS are isomorphic. SUTEKH: One to one. They answer to you alone. DOCTOR: Yes. SUTEKH: Then I was wise to spare you. My mind is in yours! DOCTOR: Master. SUTEKH: Scarman? [SCENE_BREAK] SCARMAN: Master. SUTEKH (OOV.): I send you the Time Lord. He will control the machine. The human girl will accompany you. If the Time Lord shows the slightest sign of self-will, kill her immediately. SCARMAN: It is understood, Great One. SARAH: Doctor, what's happened? SCARMAN: Stand back. SCARMAN: He is possessed by the Great One. Whom do you serve, Time Lord? DOCTOR: Sutekh. SCARMAN: Who holds all life in his hands? DOCTOR: Sutekh. SCARMAN: Who is the bringer of death? DOCTOR: Sutekh! SCARMAN: Venerate his name and obey him in all things. DOCTOR: Sutekh is supreme. SARAH: No. SCARMAN: Control is established, Great One. SUTEKH (OOV.): It is well. But the Time Lords are a perfidious species. Dispose of him when you reach the pyramid of Mars. SCARMAN: It shall be done. Come. [SCENE_BREAK] SUTEKH (OOV.): My reading indicates an antechamber under the main pyramid. Seek the control centre. SCARMAN: Sutekh has no further need for the Time Lord. Destroy him. SARAH: No! SCARMAN: Come. SARAH: Doctor. SARAH: Ah! DOCTOR: You're soaking my shirt. SARAH: Oh, you're alive! DOCTOR: Respiratory bypass system. Useful in a tight squeeze. Where are we? SARAH: Er, pyramid of Mars. DOCTOR: Of course. Sutekh sent Scarman here to deactivate the pyramid. Where is he? SARAH: I thought you'd become a zombie like Scarman. DOCTOR: Sutekh didn't need me any more, so he relaxed his grip. Now, did you see where Scarman went? SARAH: Through that door. It's vanished! DOCTOR: It can't have vanished. It's just not visible. SARAH: Same difference. DOCTOR: Scarman must be stopped. Somehow he must be stopped. [SCENE_BREAK] SUTEKH [OC: Stay! I sense danger. That relay switch is a power conductor terminal. Scan. SUTEKH (OOV.): The bulkhead release will be concealed. SUTEKH [OC}: There. SUTEKH (OOV.): Now. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Tribophysics. DOCTOR: Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Oh. SARAH: What are you waiting for? DOCTOR: That's too obvious. SARAH: What is? DOCTOR: That is. SARAH: Well, a door handle usually is. DOCTOR: Not in a jail. Horus would have laid traps for the unwary. SARAH: I thought Horus was one of the good guys. DOCTOR: He was an Osiran, with all their guile and ingenuity. Ah. DOCTOR: They had dome-shaped heads and cerebrums like spiral staircases. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] SUTEKH (OOV.): Stand back and scan. [SCENE_BREAK] SUTEKH: Horus. Think you can confound Sutekh with these childish stratagems? [SCENE_BREAK] SUTEKH (OOV.): The floor is charged with explosives. Count to the fifth row up. Extreme right solenoid. SUTEKH (OOV.): Press. SCARMAN: Come. SARAH: It's like a Chinese puzzle. DOCTOR: Yes. And there's a key. SARAH: Oh, some key. Do you know what it means? DOCTOR: Yes. Obviously the length of the lines provide a scale of measurement. SARAH: It reminds me of City of the Exxilons. DOCTOR: Don't touch anything. SARAH: I wasn't going to. DOCTOR: Well, don't. One false move and we could be blown to perdition. Feet and inches one side, metres and centimetres the other. Let's see. DOCTOR: A hundred and twenty point three centimetres, multiplied by the binary figure ten zero zero. That's a hundred and sixty two point four centimetres, correct? SARAH: Show-off. DOCTOR: Hundred and sixty two point four. That's about seven stitches. DOCTOR: In case I'm wrong. DOCTOR: I'm right. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Which way now? DOCTOR: A dexadron crucible! DOCTOR: Keep calm! Keep calm. (quietly) Poor Sarah. I should never have brought you hear. [SCENE_BREAK] SUTEKH: The inner chamber. The control centre of the pyramid. Make the sign of the Eye, Scarman. The sign of the Eye. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: I can't do it. I can't do it. HORUS (OOV.): Intruders, you face the twin guardians of Horus. One is programmed to deceive, the other points truly. HORUS (OOV.): The two switches control your fate. Instant freedom or instant death. Before you choose, you can ask one guardian one question. This is the riddle of the Osirans. Which is the guardian of life? DOCTOR: Which indeed. They're both contra-programmed so that one will always give a false indication. One question. If I were to ask your fellow guardian the question, which switch would he indicate? DOCTOR: I see. So if you're the true guardian, that must be the death switch. And if you're the automatic liar, you'd be trying to mislead me, so that still must be the death switch. Therefore, this has to be the one we want. DOCTOR: Come on! Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] SUTEKH (OOV.): At last, the Eye of Horus! Destroy! Destroy! SCARMAN: Stand back. Deactivate. HORUS (OOV.): My servitors obey only the voice of Horus. Drive out the intruders. SUTEKH: Destroy! Destroy! SUTEKH: Free! SCARMAN: I'm free! Free at last! SARAH: He's won. Sutekh's won! DOCTOR: No! The time factor! SARAH: What? DOCTOR: Come on, run! SARAH: Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] SUTEKH: I have won my freedom, Horus. Your curse is lifted. Now begins the reign of Sutekh the Destroyer. I shall crush this miserable world, and hurl it into the outermost depths of space. My vengeance starts here! SUTEKH: My paralysis has left me. I can move again. I can move! Now, Horus, we shall see who rules the cosmos! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: We've got about twenty seconds. Here he comes. SUTEKH: Who dares to interfere? DOCTOR: You're caught in a temporal trap, Sutekh. SUTEKH: Time Lord! I shall destroy you. I shall destroy you! DOCTOR: How long do Osirans live, Sutekh? SUTEKH: Release me! DOCTOR: Never. You're caught in the corridor of eternity. SUTEKH: Release me, insect, or I shall destroy the cosmos! DOCTOR: You're a thousand years beyond the twentieth century now, Sutekh. Go on for another ten thousand. SUTEKH: I'll spare the planet Earth. I'll give it to you as a plaything. Release me! DOCTOR: No, Sutekh. The time of the Osirans is long past. SUTEKH: No! DOCTOR: Go. He lived about seven thousand years. SARAH: He's dead. Sutekh is dead. DOCTOR: At last. SARAH: Look, I know that's the time control from the TARDIS, but what did you do? DOCTOR: I moved the threshold of the time space tunnel into the far future. He could never have reached the end. After the Eye was broken, I realised that we had little more than two minutes to get back here. SARAH: But how? DOCTOR: The time radio waves take to pass from Mars to Earth. SARAH: Ah. So the Eye of Horus was still holding Sutekh for two minutes after it was broken. DOCTOR: Yes. You know, the Egyptians called him the Typhonian beast. SARAH: Doctor! DOCTOR: That was careless of me. I forgot the thermal balance would equalise. SARAH: Listen, this priory was burnt to the ground, remember? DOCTOR: Yes. Perhaps it is time we were leaving. We don't want to be blamed for starting a fire, do we? SARAH: No. DOCTOR: I had enough of that in 1666. SARAH: What? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Come on, come on.

Plan: A: Sutekh; Q: Who forces the Doctor to transport Scarman and a mummy to Mars? A: the Eye of Horus; Q: What do the Doctor and Sarah try to stop Sutekh from destroying? Summary: Sutekh forces the Doctor to transport Scarman and a mummy to Mars, where the Doctor and Sarah try to stop them destroying the Eye of Horus.

"The Passenger in the Oven" [SCENE_BREAK] TEASER (Open: Airplane exterior; night. Interior of airplane. Camera pans through first class; BRENNAN's chair is reclined, and she is sleeping with a smile and wearing an eye mask. Pan through coach shows BOOTH sitting in the middle of the plane between two elderly women, one sleeping with her head on his shoulder. BOOTH looks at the sleeping woman, then to his right; the other woman is reading.) BOOTH: Excuse me- CHARLOTTE: (interrupts) Just a minute. BOOTH: (sighs) Ma'am, this woman is asleep next to me and I really have to get out. CHARLOTTE: (laughs and closes book) It's just that this book is so exciting. Do you like mysteries? BOOTH: Well, I-I'm an FBI agent, so mysteries are sort of my thing. CHARLOTTE: (whispers) I'm an aficionado myself. I'm here with NADINE. (points to sleeping woman) She's plotting the perfect murder. For years now. But just for fun. BOOTH: Right, you can tell me all about it later; I've really got to get out. I gotta go. CHARLOTTE: Oh, right. When you gotta go, you gotta go. BOOTH: Yeah. (eases NADINE's head off of his shoulder and stands, then stands and shuffles toward CHARLOTTE.) Sorry. (steps over her legs quickly and walks toward first class) (Cut to first class; a boy is stealing small bottles of liquor from a serving cart. BOOTH walks through curtain separating classes and, seeing the boy, walks up to his seat.) BOOTH: Hey. How old are you? (shows boy his badge) ELI: (sighs) Come on, we're at thirty-six thousand feet, that's outside the three-mile limit. BOOTH: This is American soil until we touch down in Shanghai, alright? So come on, hand them over. (ELI gives the bottles to BOOTH. ELI's father turns in his seat and looks back at them.) ARTHUR BILBREY: ELI, what are you doing now? You know your mother isn't feeling well. (to BOOTH) Is he bothering you? (BOOTH and ELI exchange looks.) BOOTH: No. We were just talking. That's all. ELI: Yeah, you can sleep, Dad. It's all good. (BILBREY grunts and sits back in his seat. BOOTH walks backward while pointing two fingers towards his eyes and one finger toward ELI. ELI raises his hands in mock surrender. BOOTH walks to empty seat next to BRENNAN, looks around, and sits down. He opens a plastic bag of complimentary items and removes a slipper. He looks at BRENNAN, smiles, and puts the slipper over his hand before reaching across BRENNAN's reclined seat and moving his fingers like a puppet in her face and making a barking noise.) BRENNAN: Huh? What? Booth...(removes eye mask) BOOTH: Wow, look at this. I don't even get a hot meal, and you get pajamas and slippers? (waves hand with slipper on it) BRENNAN: The basic amenities. The flight is over thirteen hours. BOOTH: Yeah, I know, I spent the last eight of them back there in Gitmo. (makes excited noise as he reclines his seat) Yes! BRENNAN: You know you aren't allowed up here. (takes slipper from BOOTH) BOOTH: What? We're, uh, we're a team, okay? This is government business. You shouldn't have paid for your own ticket, you know. (BOOTH'S seat starts vibrating) Ooh, a massager! (BOOTH makes buzzing noises.) FLIGHT ATTENDANT KATE MCNUTT: (walks up to BOOTH) Sir, you need to return to coach. (Booth opens his eyes and looks at MCNUTT, who nods.) BOOTH: (buzzes) See, we're partners, we like being together. MCNUTT: Your sexual relationship's not relevant, sir. This is first class. BRENNAN: Why does everyone else think we have a sexual relationship when we barely even touch each other? BOOTH: Oh, I got it. (stands) All right, here we go. (brandishes badge) FBI Special Agent Seeley BOOTH, this here's my partner, Dr. Temperance BRENNAN, and, uh, she is actually going to China-well, we're going to China, and she's going to help the Chinese government help identify some real old Chinese dude. BRENNAN: (is sitting up fully) Bones were found in a wuhan cave, over forty thousand years old. BOOTH: According to title eighteen, section eighteen thirty-one, I must protect the proprietary American technology Dr. BRENNAN will be using. So, it is my patriotic duty to be right next to her, (sits down) here, like a bodyguard. (reclines) BRENNAN: This trip is taking me back to my real passion. (reclines) Prehistoric anthropological discoveries. MCNUTT: Fascinating. Sir. (BOOTH looks at BRENNAN, confused.) MCNUTT: You have to go back to your seat. BRENNAN: Sorry. (pulls down eye mask) (BOOTH turns off the vibrator and sits up.) MCNUTT: Right now. BOOTH: Right. (stands up and walks back toward coach, then quickly leans over seats and pokes BRENNAN) Bones. Bones! (BRENNAN removes eye mask) BOOTH: What do you mean, your "real passion"? I thought us working together was your real passion. MCNUTT: You two can take up this fight again after we land. BOOTH: (sighs) All right. (takes complimentary bag) MCNUTT: Watch your head. BOOTH: (hits head) Ow... MCNUTT: (weak laugh) BRENNAN: You okay? BOOTH: Yeah, I'm fine. (rubs back of head and walks backward toward curtain, MCNUTT following.) (Camera pans to ELI stealing another bottle and drinking from it.) BOOTH: (in background) Kicking me back to the cattle class. You know, that's not right. MCNUTT: Enjoy your flight, sir. (curtain closes) (Cut to: The Jeffersonian's Medico Legal Lab-just outside HODGINS' area. SWEETS, HODGINS and ANGELA are walking toward the building's entrance, coats and bags in hand.) SWEETS: So, the cat's away and it's TGIF, huh? (Camera sweeps to CAM, who converges with the group) CAM: I'm right here. I'm the cat. SWEETS: (puts on his coat) Well, in this case I think that Dr. BRENNAN is the cat. CAM: I'm the cat, who's giving the mice the rest of the day off. SWEETS: Hey, so, Daisy and I were wondering if anyone would like to join us for a little competitive karaoke this evening. Huh? Some pre-weekend fun, huh? (slaps HODGINS on the shoulder) I'm singing "Lime in the Coconut." HODGINS: Sorry, I'm going to be biking the Virginia Creeper Trail. ANGELA: Roxie and I are going to an artists' retreat in Pond View. CAM: And I'm driving ANGELA to the train station. ANGELA: You are? CAM: Yes, I am. ANGELA: Oh. (Roxie walks up to group and puts a hand on ANGELA's shoulder.) ROXIE: Ready to go, Angie? ANGELA: Hey, yeah, I'm all set. ROXIE: I haven't been to one of these retreats since we were in school. ANGELA: Well, I'll see you all on Monday. CAM: Have a good weekend! (walks away with ANGELA and ROXIE) (SWEETS waves and starts to walk away. HODGINS lightly slaps the back of his hand against SWEETS' chest and stops him.) HODGINS: What do you think? SWEETS: What do you think? HODGINS: Oh, don't, don't do that, the whole "answer a question with a question" thing. SWEETS: Why does whatever's going on between ROXIE and ANGELA matter to you? HODGINS: Because ANGELA and I were engaged. And now she's with a woman. It matters because...(SWEETS nods) what? It just matters. SWEETS: Well, don't you feel that both of you are entitled to your own private lives? HODGINS: Stop asking me questions. SWEETS: Do you feel threatened? HODGINS: Okay, that's it, I'm out of here. (walks away) SWEETS: I...You know, a little karaoke might help you unwind. Especially when I'm singing. I've got a beautiful tenor. (Cut to: Airplane interior, coach.) BOOTH: (turns to CHARLOTTE) Excuse me. (stands and exits row) CHARLOTTE: You should get your prostate checked. (BOOTH peeks through curtain. MCNUTT is at the flight attendant station.) MCNUTT: Uh, this damn thing. (walks downstairs) (BOOTH walks through curtain and toward BRENNAN. He takes a bottle from ELI as he passes, then sits down next to BRENNAN.) BOOTH: (whispering) Bones. Bones. BRENNAN: (takes off eye mask and headphones) Huh. You're going to get in trouble. BOOTH: She's downstairs. You didn't answer me before. You tired of working with me? BRENNAN: (sitting up) No, it's not that. But the identification and analysis of ancient remains, that's why I became a forensic anthropologist. BOOTH: You're bored. Hm. Spark is gone. BRENNAN: I'm a scientist first. BOOTH: Right. (small laugh) Yeah. Scientist first. I, I get it. I understand. (makes a "whew" noise and starts putting on an eye mask) BRENNAN: Hey. If you get caught up here, does that make me an accessory? BOOTH: An accessory to an upgrade. (pulls eye mask down over eyes and whistles as he reclines and seat vibrates) Oh ho, yeah! That is heaven. (BRENNAN smiles, reclines and pulls down her eye mask. A scream is heard, and BOOTH and BRENNAN sit up quickly and remove their eye masks before standing.) BOOTH: Bones. Down there. (BOOTH and BRENNAN run down the stairs into the kitchen galley.) BOOTH: Oh my God. (MCNUTT is standing next to a large microwave oven and pointing into it at a victim's body.) BOOTH: That's a, uh, it's a body, right? (Opening credits) (Cut to: Airplane exterior; airplane interior, attendant station) BOOTH: Can you account for all your people, Captain Blake? BLAKE: Me and the co-pilot, yeah. Cabin crew, you'd have to Miss MCNUTT. BRENNAN: Well, she isn't speaking. BOOTH: Bones, not everyone brushes off these horrible experiences, okay? Let me try this, okay? (walks over to MCNUTT, who is sitting and staring ahead blankly) BOOTH: What's your name? (MCNUTT doesn't reply. BOOTH looks at BRENNAN, then BLAKE, before leaning down.) What's your first name? MCNUTT: Kathryn. KATE. BOOTH: KATE! 'Kay, KATE. What you saw down there, you don't ever have to see again. Are you missing any people? MCNUTT: (holds BOOTH's tie and pets it, then shakes her head) I can still smell- BRENNAN: (interrupting) It's very much like roast pork. BOOTH: Bones...(hands MCNUTT a bottle of water) Just want you to relax, have a little water. We might need your help. BLAKE: Need her help? For what? We fly to China and call the cops. BOOTH: No, no, no, you're going to have to turn this puppy around. We're going to head back home. BLAKE: No can do. We passed the point of no return fuel-wise twenty-three minutes ago. BRENNAN: The polar route takes us over Greenland. Can we land there to refuel? BLAKE: Not with the weather they're having. I'm sorry, but our next stop is Shanghai, China. Don't worry, they have cops there. Lots of them. BOOTH: Well, until these wheels touch down, this plane is sovereign US territory. BLAKE: Look, FBI guy, you do whatever you want, as long as it doesn't this flight. But in four hours, we're on sovereign Chinese territory. (walks away) BRENNAN: (walks over to MCNUTT) Excuse me. Before you become completely catatonic, can you tell me how to access the internet? I-I need to contact my people. BOOTH: Bones, you don't have to shout. She's in shock, not deaf. (Cut to: The Medico-Legal Lab entrance. HODGINS is walking quickly inside, carrying a bike helmet, wearing a backpack and removing ear buds.) HODGINS: (to CAM, who is waiting near entrance) What? What, are you kidding? Because the message I got, that could not be correct. CAM: I'd rather brief everyone at once. (SWEETS walks in, wearing a white polo and plaid shorts.) SWEETS: What's going on? HODGINS: Wow, is that what you really look like? SWEETS: Cam said an emergency, I didn't have time to-(to CAM) I think maybe your message was garbled? CAM: I'd rather brief everyone at once. (ANGELA and ROXIE walk in, ANGELA pulling one suitcase.) ANGELA: There was a murder on BRENNAN's plane to China? CAM: Good, we're all here. ANGELA: (to SWEETS) What are you, like, sixteen? SWEETS: (looks down) Aw, I love these shorts. CAM: A body was found roasted beyond recognition in a large convection microwave oven on BOOTH and BRENNAN's flight to China. ANGELA: (turns to ROXIE) Maybe you should... ROXIE: Yeah, I'm gonna... ANGELA: Thanks. ROXIE: (takes suitcase) Call me when you get to the bad guy. (ROXIE walks away. HODGINS watches her exit the building.) SWEETS: And I'm here because? CAM: You were on my speed dial. SWEETS: Okay...(walks away) ANGELA: Okay. (walks away in a different direction) HODGINS: Uh, Dr. Saroyan? Um...two people, they, uh, they go away together and they pack one bag, that, that means something, right? CAM: (struggles for words) You mean, ANGELA and ROXIE...Well...Yeah, it means something. (walks away quickly) (Cut to: Airplane interior, coach. BOOTH is walking toward CHARLOTTE. He stops at her seat.) BOOTH: Excuse me. CHARLOTTE: What's going on? BOOTH: (whispering) Listen. Would you happen to have a measuring tape and tweezers? CHARLOTTE: (gasp) There's been a murder. NADINE, NADINE. They need tweezers for an autopsy. Code red, code red. BOOTH: (over the top of her) Shh! No! No! Shh! No code red. Don't wake NADINE up. I will explain everything to you later, I promise, Charlotte. I just need those things, do you have them? CHARLOTTE: (rummages through her bag) Well I didn't hear a gunshot. So it must have been a knifing. I saw Dr. Temperance Brennan, the mystery writer, in first class. I bet she's doing the autopsy. (whispers) Listen, I was awake the whole time, and anyone who went that way (points toward first class), they came back again. So if the victim is a passenger, he or she is in first class. Probably she, because most murder victims are women. BOOTH: Wow, you really are into murder, aren't you. (CHARLOTTE produces items and hands them to BOOTH.) Thanks. CHARLOTTE: Wait! (pulls knitting needle from her bag) Dr. BRENNAN will need this. BOOTH: What's that for? CHARLOTTE: It's a probe! (hands it to BOOTH) This is the best flight I've ever been on. (Cut to: Airplane interior, kitchen. BRENNAN is taking pictures of the oven.) ANGELA: (via BRENNAN's laptop) Okay, sweetie, we have a solid link here, audio and visual, so you should be able to beam us all the digital photographs you can. BRENNAN: Okay, we've isolated the crime scene, and we'll try to compromise the forensics as little as possible. BOOTH: (walks into kitchen and holds knitting needle out to BRENNAN) Look what I got. BRENNAN: Oh, a probe! That's great, I didn't think of that. BOOTH: Yeah, lucky I did. ANGELA: (through laptop) Hey, Booth. Good flight so far? BOOTH: Yeah, I'm having trouble sleeping. (Cam walks into picture on BRENNAN's laptop.) CAM: (through laptop) Looks like you managed to get the remains out of the oven. BOOTH: Yeah, they're, uh, they're kind of, uh, well, they, they've fallen apart, a little bit there. Hey Bones. (walks over to other side of kitchen and points his pen at the phone, dangling from the cradle by its cord) Did you knock the phone off this cradle? BRENNAN: No. (BOOTH uses a piece of cloth to pick up the phone and visually inspect it.) (Cut to: Airplane interior, attendant station. BLAKE, BOOTH, MCNUTT and flight attendant MING MING are talking.) BLAKE: I've informed the FAA, the NTSB and the Chinese that we have a dead body on board. BOOTH: Hey, who else has access to the galley down there? MCNUTT: All of us. MING: It's kind of our getaway place. To chill out from passengers. BOOTH: Who was the last person who made a call from the satellite phone down there? BLAKE: I can get you the number called. MING: It was me. BOOTH: You? What are you, a spy or a smuggler? MCNUTT: No, (stands) she's in love, Agent BOOTH, and her boyfriend works for this airline at the Shanghai airport. BLAKE: It's against the rules. MING: So's having s*x with passengers in the bathroom. BLAKE: (looks around awkwardly) Okay, I think we're all under a lot of stress here. MING: I used the phone right after dinner. There was no dead body cooking in the microwave. BOOTH: Tell you what. Why don't you two go do a seat count, tell me what passengers are missing, okay? (Everyone walks away, BOOTH and BLAKE exchanging awkward glances before they do so.) (Cut to: The Medico-Legal Lab, Forensics Platform. CAM, ANGELA and HODGINS are working on the case in front of TV screens displaying BRENNAN's photographs.) CAM: A macro photo of the victim's follicle suggests brown hair, maybe red. BRENNAN: (through TV) I estimate her height to be a hundred and fifty-seven centimeters. ANGELA: Ooh. HODGINS has that meerkat look on his face. (Cut to: Airplane interior, kitchen galley.) HODGINS: (through laptop) What's going on with her fingernails? BRENNAN: (examines a hand) Are you referring to the spots around the phalanges? CAM: (through laptop) What would cause those kinds of burns? HODGINS: (through laptop) False fingernails. ABS plastic and ethyl cyanoacrylate glue. Like torches. (Cut to: The Medico-Legal Lab, Forensics Platform.) CAM: So, a petite brown- or red-haired woman with fake nails. (Cut to: Airplane interior, kitchen galley; BRENNAN nods. Camera sweeps length of remains.) (Cut to: Airplane interior, attendant station. BOOTH, MCNUTT and MING are standing by the curtain to first class.) BOOTH: Five foot two, three, small, brown, uh, red hair. Fake nails. MCNUTT: Fake nails...seat three B, ELIZABETH JONES. BOOTH: Seat three B. (BOOTH and MCNUTT walk through curtain into first class and stop at seat three B. MCNUTT closes the curtain.) BOOTH: (to the seat's neighboring occupant) Hey buddy. (shakes him) Buddy, buddy. Wake up. Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you but do you remember the person who was sitting right here next to you? MAN: No, (sigh) I took a sleeping pill. Are we in China? (MCNUTT shakes her head.) BOOTH: Wait a sec, you spend seven grand on a flight and you sleep through the whole thing? You don't even eat first? BILBREY: (stands from seat and walks toward BOOTH) Excuse me, Agent BOOTH? BOOTH: Yeah. BILBREY: I'm ARTHUR BILBREY, my wife ANN is very ill. I'd appreciate it if she could get some rest before we landed? ANN: I'll be fine. Relax. (ELI stands from his seat behind BOOTH.) ELI: You'd better be really quiet, or, (sways drunkenly) I'll take you down, FBI! (laughs) BILBREY: ELI. Please. (to BOOTH) This is my son. ELI: (drops back into his seat, laughing.) I got your back, Mom. (ANN smiles at ELI. BOOTH glances between the two.) (Cut to: The Medico-Legal Lab, Forensics Platform. CAM is working in front of the TV screens, and CAROLINE is approaching as she talks on her cellular phone.) CAROLINE: You got a name? BOOTH: (in background, from phone) Yeah, ELIZABETH Jones, seat three B, first class. The sooner you can get us a background...(BOOTH's voice echoes as CAROLINE approaches the screens, where BOOTH's voice is also being projected from. BOOTH sees her and takes his phone away from his ear)...check, uh, the better for us. (BOOTH hangs up.) CAROLINE: (hangs up) Well, now, that's just strange. (waves at screen) Um, let me, uh...(lifts phone back to her ear)...let me make a call and get back to you. (walks away) CAM: ANGELA and HODGINS noticed a shadow in the exposed part of the sternum. (cut to: Airplane Interior, kitchen galley) BRENNAN: Yes, I saw that. I...(shakes head)...there is something here, but I--I, I can't identify it. CAM: (through laptop) ANGELA suggested that you take as many photos as possible at your highest resolution. BRENNAN: All right. (takes off gloves, picks up camera and takes two pictures. Close-up of one picture is shown.) (cut to: The Medico-Legal Lab, Forensics Platform.) BRENNAN: (through TV) It's not bone, (BOOTH sighs) it's inorganic. (CAROLINE walks up from behind CAM.) CAROLINE: This quick enough for you? Your victim is ELIZABETH Joy Jones, she's a travel writer for DC Voyager Magazine. BOOTH: (through TV) Well, you got to get over to that magazine. CAROLINE: (hangs up phone) Why? BOOTH: (through TV) Why-they might know why she got murdered. CAROLINE: You got this backwards, cherie. I am not an investigator. BRENNAN: (through TV) Neither am I, and here I am, taking apart another murder victim. BOOTH: (through TV) Look, just go talk to the boss, the secretary, pretend they're on the stand. Take SWEETS with you. CAROLINE: If you want me to do this, you have to make a good case. BRENNAN: (through TV) Want you to do what? CAROLINE: If you want me to take on the Chinese government, the State Department, the FAA, and the NTSB, and for all I know, the UN, you make me a damn, fine, solid case. (cut to: Airplane interior, kitchen galley. BOOTH and BRENNAN exchange glances.) (Cut to: Airplane interior, kitchen galley. Close-up on victim's skull as camera pulls back; BRENNAN begins to peel layers of dermis off of the skull, and BOOTH is standing a few feet away with his back turned.) BOOTH: Ugh. Bones, can you (whirls a finger in the air) turn her around so she's not looking at us? BRENNAN: (is placing bits into a stainless steel bowl) She's deceased, BOOTH, she can't see. BOOTH: Oh, man. (BRENNAN pours hot water into the bowl. BOOTH peeks into the bowl, where an eyeball floats up.) BOOTH: (looking away from the bowl quickly) I am definitely not a squint. Woah. BRENNAN: Well, I've always known that. You have no training in the field of forensic science. BOOTH: Really don't want any. (shakes head) BRENNAN: Okay, to make an arrest, we need time and cause of death, as well as something (pulls a piece of dermis out of the bowl with tweezers) that can ID the killer. BOOTH: What do you need? BRENNAN: Magnifying lens. BOOTH: Okay. (begins to walk away) Right. (Cut to: Airplane interior, coach. BOOTH is walking down the aisle towards CHARLOTTE and stops at her seat.) BOOTH: (to another passenger who's seat he bumps) Sorry. (to CHARLOTTE) Look, I, uh, I need a magnifying glass. I thought you might have one for, you know, the fine print. CHARLOTTE: My eyes are perfect. (whispers) Is the magnifying glass for examining the victim's corpse? (Camera sweeps to NADINE, who is still sleeping and is wearing reading glasses around her neck.) BOOTH: You don't think that, uh, NADINE would mind if I, uh...(steps into row and takes glasses off their chain) CHARLOTTE: She'd be thrilled if she were awake. She sleeps like a log. (BOOTH grunts, holds glasses up and returns to the aisle) CHARLOTTE: Now, what equipment would Dr. Brennan normally use in this situation? BOOTH: I don't know. I'm more of a people person. (walks away) CHARLOTTE: Oh. (watches him walk away) (Cut to: The Medico-Legal Lab, ANGELA's office. Computer screen shows pictures of victim's remains, and camera sweeps from screen to ANGELA, who is standing in front of it and typing.) ANGELA: I'm using interpolation software with a blending edge algorithm. (HODGINS is standing beside her.) Kind of like what I'd do if I were restoring a painting. HODGINS: So, did ROXIE go to the retreat without you? ANGELA: Uh, no, we're gonna do something here. HODGINS: Right. (nods) ANGELA: (looks at HODGINS and laughs) Don't say it like that. HODGINS: Like what? (ANGELA looks away) I know. Sorry. ANGELA: What do you think? Candle wax? HODGINS: Well, judging by the burn characteristics, some kind of thermoplastic, but what (leans closer to screen) is that? (Screen, zooms in on picture) Like something reflective. ANGELA: Yeah. (types) I'll get the computer to find the all the pixels that are within a couple shades on the color wheel. HODGINS: Cool, and just, zap it to my computer? ANGELA: Yeah. (HODGINS straightens and walks away. ANGELA watches him, then turns back to the computer screen with a sigh.) (Cut to: Airplane interior, kitchen galley. BRENNAN is wearing the reading glasses as she works.) BOOTH: (walks in) Bones-(sees glasses and smiles) All right, what I want you to do is take off your glasses, (steps closer) shake out your hair and say, "Mr. Booth, do you know what the penalty is for an overdue book?" BRENNAN: Why? BOOTH: Never mind. (steps back) BRENNAN: This notch mark, here on the occipital, is what knocked her unconscious. The hairline fractures weakened the integrity of the cranium and caused it to burst when heated. BOOTH: So she was hit. With what? BRENNAN: Well, I'll have to take an impression to find out. BOOTH: How? BRENNAN: W-I need denture cream. (BOOTH starts walking away) And, uh, baby powder. BOOTH: Baby powder. BRENNAN: And a-a butane lighter, please? BOOTH: Is that it? BRENNAN: Uh, I think so. Yes. (BRENNAN watches BOOTH walk away, then takes off her gloves and glasses and shakes out her hair. Looking confused, she puts back on the glasses and ties her hair back.) (Cut to: Airplane interior, coach class. BOOTH is standing by CHARLOTTE's seat.) CHARLOTTE: Sorry, dear, but these are my real choppers. And NADINE's are real, too. Is Dr. Brennan making a cast of an injury? That's what she'd do in her books. BOOTH: (to MING) Hit the lights. (MING turns on lights and picks up phone.) MING: (over speakers) Ladies and gentlemen, sorry to disturb you, but Agent BOOTH of the FBI would like to address you. (BOOTH takes phone) BOOTH: Attention, everyone, I need to requisition some denture cream, baby powder, and a butane lighter. MING: (to BOOTH) Lighters are strictly forbidden on the aircraft. BOOTH: (to MING, covering phone and whispering) So's murder. (over speakers) Denture cream? OLD MAN: Here, sonny. (BOOTH walks over and takes denture cream.) There you go. BOOTH: Okay, how about some, uh, baby powder, face powder? Anybody have any baby powder, face powder? (Woman raises hand.) There, great. Okay, how 'bout a lighter? Butane lighter. (The plane is silent.) Come on, no one has a lighter? (MING covertly hands BOOTH a lighter.) (whispering) Woah. MING: I confiscated it. BOOTH: (whispering) Obviously. (Cut to: Airplane interior, kitchen galley. BRENNAN is mixing a paste.) BRENNAN: This is good. The powder contains hydrated silica and calcium carbonate. (applies paste to skull) BOOTH: (sitting at the foot of the stairs) Come on, isn't this a lot more fun than the wuhan cave and the forty-thousand-year-old skeletons? (BRENNAN looks at BOOTH, and BOOTH shrugs and makes a vague hand gesture. BRENNAN turns back to her work.) BOOTH: Is this gonna work? BRENNAN: (uses lighter to heat paste) Should. This should- BOOTH: (standing) Bones, you're-you're just, you're filling me up with confidence right now. (sighs and walks over to BRENNAN) Whoa. BRENNAN: (turns off lighter) There. Now, all we need to do...(peels up the cast)...is find the item that matches this, and we have our weapon. BOOTH: Right. That's all, huh? (sighs) BRENNAN: Well, at least we know it's on the airplane. (BRENNAN's laptop beeps, and CAM appears on the screen.) CAM: (through laptop) Any luck with cause of death? BOOTH: Yeah, someone knocked her on the head and it exploded on the cranium thing. CAM: (through laptop) We're looking at the margins of the burned flesh around the rectus abdominis... BRENNAN: I dislike the occlusive nature of tissue. CAM: (through laptop) Look, just think of it as bone wrapping. From the photos, it looks as if there's a pinkish coloration. Is that correct? BRENNAN: "Pinkish" is a subjective term, and I'm not comfortable applying, uh, subjective evaluation to evidence that's not even- BOOTH: (interrupts) It's pinkish, and gross-ish. CAM: (through laptop) Okay, that indicates presence of blood flow at the time she was cooked. BOOTH: (looking between BRENNAN and CAM) She was still alive in the microwave? How long was she in there? CAM: (through laptop) Since the oven temp was set at maximum and she was approximately one hundred and ten pounds...uh, can you describe the breast tissue? BRENNAN: I'm not sure how to qualify what I see in descriptive terms. BOOTH: Well, if she was a turkey, she'd be dry and overdone. CAM: (through laptop) Okay, that means she had to be cooking for about six and a half hours. BRENNAN: Giving us time of death. Huh. (BOOTH starts walking slowly around the galley.) CAM: (through laptop) If I were you, I'd get some tissue samples. BRENNAN: Sometimes flesh can be quite informative. (cuts a piece of flesh from the body and puts it in a glass) (BOOTH holds the cast up against a latch of an appliance.) BOOTH: Ha! Bones? Think we got a match. (BRENNAN walks over to BOOTH and looks at the cast and the latch.) BRENNAN: Someone slammed her head against the latch. BOOTH: And shoved her in the oven and cooked her. (makes a noise) Wait a second. (nudges over a cart, which reveals a band-aid on the floor. BRENNAN takes off her gloves, picks up the camera and takes a picture. (Cut to: FBI Conference Room. SWEETS, CAROLINE and HOWARD KENDALL are sitting down at the conference table.) KENDALL: Are you sure it was ELIZABETH? CAROLINE: Of course, they'll have to do a DNA- or dental-match when they land, but they're pretty sure, yes. KENDALL: Man, I can't believe she's gone. Liz was one of the best, uh, travel writers in the country. CAROLINE: How would you characterize her relationships with others? KENDALL: Uh, warm, friendly, outgoing. N-not an enemy in the world. CAROLINE: (looks at SWEETS) Jump in anytime, Dr. SWEETS. SWEETS: No, no, I'm cool. CAROLINE: Oh. As long as you're cool...(turns back to KENDALL) Was Miss Jones on assignment? KENDALL: No, no. This was a, uh, a pleasure trip. She had just finished a piece for us on airline safety. CAROLINE: Ironic. KENDALL: It was an expose on pilots that have hid drunk driving convictions from their employers. (CAROLINE glances meaningfully at SWEETS, who is looking at KENDALL.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Airplane interior, attendant station. BRENNAN is pulling small bottles of liquor from a cart, and BOOTH is standing next to her.) BOOTH: Bones, what is that? BRENNAN: Oh, tissue samples. BOOTH: Oh no, don't...(quickly closes curtain) Don't let people see that. BRENNAN: (circles around cart) Well I need vodka. BOOTH: Yeah, well I do too, Bones, but you know what? We're working. BRENNAN: No, to preserve the tissue samples. All they've got left is bourbon and scotch. BOOTH: Hold on. (walks through curtain and into first class) (Cut to: Airplane interior, first class. BOOTH walks to ELI's seat, where ELI is still drunk.) BOOTH: Come on. ELI: What? BOOTH: Okay. Hand it over. Hand the vodka over. Come on. (ELI sighs, pulls two bottles out of his pocket and gives them to BOOTH.) BOOTH: Thought so. Look, (looks at ANN) obviously your mom is sick, and you love her. And that's probably why you're acting badly. But what you gotta do, is you gotta think, really think, how to help her. ELI: She's gonna die, okay? What am I supposed to do about that? BOOTH: (stands as satellite phone beeps) Make her proud of you. (walks away and answers phone) Yeah. (looks back at ELI). CAROLINE: (through phone) I just got a copy of ELIZABETH JONES' next article. (Cut to: FBI, outside of the conference room. CAROLINE is holding a stack of papers.) CAROLINE: It's about pilots with DUI convictions. (Cut to: Airplane interior, first class. BOOTH is walking through the curtains and into the attendant station.) BOOTH: All right, is there a link to anything on this flight? CAROLINE: (through phone) I have a search team looking for her research, but I do know the airline you're on is singled out as the worst offender. (BOOTH gives vodka to BRENNAN) (Cut to: FBI, outside of the conference room.) CAROLINE: And the pilot on your plane there? He's got a past. (Cut to: Airplane interior, attendant station. BOOTH is looking at the pilot's and co-pilot's name plaques outside the cabin's doors.) BOOTH: Thanks, CAROLINE. (Cut to: Airplane exterior. Airplane interior, cabin.) BLAKE: (sitting in pilot's seat) You do realize that by sending my co-pilot out, you broke about forty laws, legal-wise. BOOTH: Yeah, well I thought we might have a, uh-(sits down in co-pilot's seat, and chair sinks down)-woah! A private man-to-man conversation about, uh, ELIZABETH Jones. BLAKE: Her name does not ring a bell. BOOTH: So, is this how you slow this plane down? (reaches forward for a lever) BLAKE: Please, don't touch that. Don't touch anything. BOOTH: ELIZABETH JONES was a journalist. BLAKE: I do not know her. BOOTH: Well, she knows you. She wrote an article about alcohol and, uh, pilots. BLAKE: And what's that got to do with me? BOOTH: 2002, DUI, never reported that to the FAA. You know, that is a two hundred fifty thousand dollar fine and, uh, five years in jail. BLAKE: That DUI charge, it was the day of my dad's funeral. I know it's not stylish, but I happen to love my old man. BOOTH: Well, it's still a motive. Legal-wise. BLAKE: I did not kill her. I didn't even know she existed. BOOTH: I need you to slow this plane down. BLAKE: Why? BOOTH: Well, to give us time to find out who did, unless it was you, and in that case, time, that doesn't matter. BLAKE: (shakes his head , looking aggravated) I can report electrical issues, maybe give you an extra hour. BOOTH: Great. I'll take that as a sign of cooperation, captain. (stands) Oh, it's a beautiful view. Look at that. (claps BLAKE's shoulder) (Cut to: FBI conference room. KENDALL and SWEETS are sitting around the table.) KENDALL: How long do I have to stay here? SWEETS: (standing and removing his jacket) I was interested in some of the things you were saying earlier. KENDALL: Hey, I answered every question the scary woman asked me. SWEETS: (sits down in a closer chair) Yeah. Well, the thing is, she's a lawyer, so she's very direct. KENDALL: Scary. SWEETS: She has a knack for putting people into federal prison. I believe she likes to do it. I have a more psychological mojo. KENDALL: You don't look like you have a mojo. SWEETS: I'm interested in what you know about ELIZABETH JONES' personal life. KENDALL: (weak laugh) I did not have s*x with that woman. SWEETS: But you wanted to. KENDALL: Yeah, but I didn't. SWEETS: Was she the type to have affairs? KENDALL: Yes. SWEETS: Have you got a name? (KENDALL looks at SWEETS) I can go get Miss JULIAN again if you're more comfortable with her. KENDALL: Artie. All I know is Artie. SWEETS: Artie. Okay, well let's talk about ELIZABETH and Artie. Now, (leans forward) how resentful were you? (jerks thumb backwards, over his shoulder) ELIZABETH slept with him, and not with you. (points at KENDALL) KENDALL: Well. He's married, I'm not. So yeah, maybe I'm a little resentful. (SWEETS nods) (Cut to: The Medico-Legal Lab, ANGELA's office. The computer screen is displaying a photo of the band-aid. ANGELA is puzzling over it, and HODGINS walks in.) HODGINS: Band-aid? (picks up a book off of the coffee table and sits down on the couch) ANGELA: Oh, yeah, thanks. I was totally flummoxed. So the clean part here must be where it overlapped, and the darker part must be where it came in contact with the skin. HODGINS: I'm not an expert, (flips through book) but I'm pretty sure even you can't get a DNA result from a digital photograph. ANGELA: No, but, what about a finger size? HODGINS: Oh. Wow. (shuts book and puts it back on table before standing and walking toward ANGELA) Right, that's kinda brilliant. ANGELA: Eighty-two millimeters in circumference. HODGINS: All right, well, (picks up a measuring tape from desk and loops it around his finger) mine's sixty-two, so it's a pretty big guy. ANGELA: Or overweight. HODGINS: Look at the perforations. (points at screen) Vertical stretching along the pad. ANGELA: I see it, but I have no idea what it means. (laughs) HODGINS: It was locked, in a (hooks finger) bent position. ANGELA: Oh, that would explain the creases. (moves mouse and clicks) So if I highlight the parts where the adhesive wore off, it was bent more than ninety degrees. I really love (straightens and faces HODGINS, then seems to catch herself) working, with you. HODGINS: Me too. We're really good together. At these things. ANGELA: Yeah. (HODGINS walks away, then stops before doorway and turns back to ANGELA.) HODGINS: Gotta ask you something, ANGELA. ANGELA: Yeah, I-I got that from the fast double back. HODGINS: This thing with ROXIE... ANGELA: It's real, yeah. HODGINS: No, I get that. I see that. Is that what got between us? ANGELA: I'd love to say yes to that, because I think it would make you feel better. HODGINS: But you can fall in love with a man. ANGELA: I'm sorry, but, yes. (nods) (HODGINS nods back with a small smile, then leaves the office.) BRENNAN: (through computer) Ang? (ANGELA turns back to computer) ANGELA: Sweetie. God. (rubs a hand over her forehead, then laughs) Totally forgot you were there. I guess you heard everything, huh? BRENNAN: (through computer) Yes, it was fascinating. ANGELA: Well, what do you think? (Cut to: Airplane interior, attendant station.) BRENNAN: Well, the only joint that will bend over ninety degrees is between the proximal and intermediate phalanges. ANGELA: (through laptop) Right. Finger stuff. BRENNAN: We're looking for a large person, probably male, with inflammatory flexor tenosynovitis. ANGELA: (through laptop) That's great, sweetie, but what about the rest of the conversation? BRENNAN: Oh, I'm sorry, Ang, I wasn't paying attention. I need to go find a passenger with trigger finger. ANGELA: (through laptop) Thanks for the talk. (BRENNAN walks away from the laptop.) (Cut to: Airplane interior, coach class. The lights blink on, and BRENNAN's voice comes over the speakers as she speaks into the phone) BRENNAN: Excuse me, if I could have your attention, please. My name is Dr. Temperance BRENNAN. NICK DEVITO: The writer? BRENNAN: Yes. What we need to do now is find a passenger with a laceration locked proximal interphalangeal joint, so if everyone can look at their neighbor's proximal interpha- (BOOTH takes phone) BOOTH: I tell you what, who would like a free signed copy of Dr. BRENNAN's new book? Raise your hands. Look at that, huh? BRENNAN: Ah, (lightly hits him on his arm) I see what you're doing. BOOTH: All right, so keep your hands up nice and high so Dr. BRENNAN can count the number of books we need. Hey, does anyone have a, a question for Dr. BRENNAN? CHARLOTTE: Are you working on anything right now, Dr. BRENNAN? BRENNAN: Yes. Keep your hands up. NADINE: What is that delicious smell? BRENNAN: Roast pork. BOOTH: Oh, no, that delicious smell is the difference between first class and coach. How're we doing there, Bones? BRENNAN: (grabs DEVITO's hand) BOOTH? BOOTH: (in background) Hold that. BRENNAN: Over here. DEVITO: Uh. Hi. BRENNAN: Hi. BOOTH? BOOTH: (walks over quickly) Yeah. (BRENNAN shows him DEVITO's hand.) Uh, what's your name? DEVITO: Uh, just sign it to Awesome NICK DEVITO. Uh, what is the big deal? I just got a little trigger finger. I-I injured my tendon. BOOTH: You like shooting a lot? DEVITO: Yeah, I love shooting. Doesn't mean I'm not a reader. BOOTH: Yeah, I tell you what, why don't you come with us, come on. (gestures for DEVITO to stand) (DEVITO, BOOTH and BRENNAN start to walk out of coach.) (Cut to: Airplane interior, attendant station. DEVITO is being questioned by BOOTH and BRENNAN.) DEVITO: I don't know anybody named ELIZABETH JONES, no. (Satellite phone beeps. BOOTH answers.) BOOTH: Hey, SWEETS. (Cut to: FBI conference room. SWEETS is standing and has a phone to his ear, and KENDALL is sitting at the table.) BOOTH: (through phone) Are you still with ELIZABETH JONES's editor? SWEETS: Yes, and I have- (Cut to: Airplane interior, attendant station) BOOTH: (interrupts) All right, ask him if he knows someone by the name of NICK DEVITO. DEVITO: Is this like a question, to get my free book? BRENNAN: Where's your band-aid? (Cut to: FBI conference room) SWEETS: (leans down across table) Do you know NICK DEVITO? (Cut to: Airplane interior, attendant station) DEVITO: Must have come off while I was asleep. I twitch. I'm (shakes head) twitchy. (Cut to: FBI conference room) KENDALL: I had lunch once with Danny Devito. SWEETS: He says no. (straightens) I have information. (Cut to: Airplane interior, attendant station) SWEETS: (through phone) ELIZABETH JONES was having an affair with a man known only as "Artie". (Cut to: FBI conference room) SWEETS: The relationship's been going on for over a year, but it went bad in the last month or so. (Cut to: Airplane interior, attendant station) SWEETS: (through phone) He's married. His wife is sick, and his kid is a pain in the ass. BOOTH: (looks through curtain into first class and looks at BILBREY) You know what, SWEETS, you are the man of the hour. I owe you a beer and a rye chaser, my friend. (Cut to: FBI conference room) SWEETS: ...sounds like it would make me sick. (Cut to: Airplane interior, attendant station) BOOTH: (hangs up; to DEVITO) You can go back to your seat. BRENNAN: Why? (DEVITO walks between BOOTH and BRENNAN and back into coach.) BOOTH: Well, we have a much better suspect. (BOOTH and BRENNAN look through curtain at BILBREY.) (Cut to: Airplane interior. Close-up shot of the flight progress map on a television screen in first class. BILBREY walks over to ELI and pulls his blanket up over his body. BOOTH walks up to BILBREY.) BOOTH: I think you know why I'm here. BILBREY: Look, I'm sorry about my son. He's a teenager. His mother's very ill. BOOTH: It's not about your son, Artie. It's about ELIZABETH JONES. (BILBREY looks over at ANN, then jerks his head forward and walks toward the front of the plane. BOOTH follows.) BILBREY: My wife doesn't know about EJ. I would like to keep it that way. BOOTH: Did ELIZABETH JONES ask you to leave your wife? BILBREY: From the very beginning, I told ELIZABETH that would never happen. You see the shape that ANN's in? My first priority is to be a good husband and a good father. BOOTH: By dragging a dying woman to China? BILBREY: No, to stand on the Great Wall of China has been ANN's dream since she was a little girl. Our last chance to do something amazing as a family together. BOOTH: So ELIZABETH JONES followed you? BILBREY: Obviously. BOOTH: Huh. And you killed her. BILBREY: Of course not. (An attendant says "excuse me" and walks between BOOTH and BILBREY.) BILBREY: I am a lawyer. BOOTH: Hm. Your wife didn't know about her? BILBREY: She knows that there was someone. BOOTH: Did you talk to ELIZABETH? BILBREY: Yes, I begged her to leave us alone. ANN was asleep. As I said, Agent BOOTH, I'm an attorney. You have no evidence and very little time before we land in Shanghai. If you want to find out who killed EJ, I suggest you not waste any more time on me. (walks away) (BOOTH sighs.) (Cut to: The Medico-Legal Lab, ANGELA's office. ANGELA, HODGINS and CAROLINE are present and communicating with BOOTH and BRENNAN via the internet.) ANGELA: I enhanced the photographs of the sternum. Light was reflected off of this area here. (points to picture on screen) Skin wouldn't do that. There were tiny metal shards imbedded in the bone. HODGINS: And silicon melted into it as well. (Cut to: Airplane interior, attendants quarters. BOOTH is walking in.) BOOTH: Fake boobs? How does that help? BRENNAN: Silicon, not silicone. HODGINS: (through laptop) It was a chip of some kind, a SIM card from a phone, a memory chip from a camera, but we need to see it to make a positive ID. CAROLINE: (walks closer to ANGELA's computer) How did it go with BILBREY? BOOTH: Ah, he's an attorney, he's not saying much of anything. (Cut to: The Medico-Legal Lab, ANGELA's office) CAROLINE: And the gun nut, DEVITO? BRENNAN: (through computer) Most likely, his band-aid was stuck to the wheel of a food cart. CAROLINE: Find me the smoking gun, cherie, or that killer disappears into a billion people when you land. (Cut to: Airplane interior, attendant station) BRENNAN: One point two nine billion, approximately. Are you pressuring us? (Cut to: The Medico-Legal Lab, ANGELA's office) CAROLINE: Have a lovely flight. (walks away) (Cut to: Airplane interior, attendant station) BLAKE: (walks up to BOOTH and BRENNAN) I was just contacted by Shanghai International. They've arrested a man named FELIX CLOSSEN, a Dutch national who works for the airline. He was passing stolen credit card numbers. BOOTH: That's fascinating, but we're more interested in solving a murder investigation right now. BLAKE: All the credit card numbers were from passengers on this plane. And CLOSSEN is our flight attendant's boyfriend. BRENNAN: MING. (Cut to: Airplane interior, kitchen galley. MING is being questioned by BRENNAN and BOOTH.) BRENNAN: Your call to CLOSSEN was made within minutes of the victim being placed in the oven. BOOTH: Minutes. MING: I got the credit card numbers off the computer, and called them in to my boyfriend. BRENNAN: And ELIZABETH JONES caught you? MING: Yes. I mean, no. BOOTH: Well, which one is it? MING: I didn't know who it was. I heard them coming and figured it was KATE, so I hid in the aeronautics compartment. BOOTH: Well who was with ELIZABETH? MING: I couldn't hear because of the engine noise in the compartment. All I could see was their feet. BRENNAN: Male or female? Uh, what kind of shoes? MING: They were wearing slippers, the ones we give out in first class. They're all the same. They walked by me and I ran upstairs. I didn't kill anyone. (Cut to: Airplane interior, attendant station. BOOTH and BRENNAN are walking up the stairs.) BRENNAN: Whoever killed her has to have traces of blood on their slippers. That could cause the gun to smoke for CAROLINE. BOOTH: No, Bones, you're going to need an ALS light. Not even those dotty old mystery buffs carry that in their giant purses. BRENNAN; We can make one. BOOTH: How're you going to make one? BLAKE: (approaches from behind) Hope you can do it fast. We're going to be landing very soon. BOOTH: Oh, no, no, no. You're not landing this plane until I tell you you land this plane, okay? Remember, you're still a suspect. BLAKE: It's not about me or you. We're going to run out of fuel in twenty minutes. (BOOTH and BRENNAN exchange looks.) (Cut to: Airplane exterior.) BRENNAN: Okay, BOOTH? We need the blue lamp out of the overhead projector. (Cut to: Airplane interior, coach. BOOTH is removing the blue lamp from the projector.) BRENNAN: (to DEVITO) Do you, by any chance, have any yellow-tinted shooting glasses? DEVITO: Sure, (reaches under seat) what do you need? Daylight, artificial light, or, uh, moonlight? (pulls out case and opens it) BRENNAN: Let's see. (picks up a pair) These will do. (puts on the glasses) Thanks! CHARLOTTE: This is brilliant. They're making an ALS emitter. DEVITO: What's that for? NADINE: To find blood! BOOTH: Ready? BRENNAN: Got 'em. BOOTH: (to MCNUTT) Hit the lights. (The lights dim.) Oh. (BOOTH and BRENNAN enter first class, shining the blue lamp in front of them.) BOOTH: Easy, Bones. You see anything? BRENNAN: No...no...nothing. (BOOTH shines the light at BILBREY's feet.) BOOTH: How 'bout over here? Right there. BRENNAN: Mm-mm, nothing. BOOTH: (groan) Oh, geez. (BOOTH and BRENNAN move away from BILBREY. BRENNAN looks at the ground in front of ELI.) BRENNAN: Booth. BOOTH: Yeah? BRENNAN: Over there. BOOTH: You got something? (BOOTH shines the blue lamp on ELI's slippers, and spots appear.) BRENNAN: Yes, there. BOOTH: You're sure? BRENNAN: Yes, BOOTH. BOOTH: (yanks blanket away from ELI, where it was covering his face; to MCNUTT) Turn the lights on. BILBREY: (standing) What is going on, please? BRENNAN: Your son killed ELIZABETH JONES. BOOTH: (to MCNUTT) Okay, how long 'til we land? MCNUTT: Uh, we're on our final descent. BILBREY: ELI, that's impossible. BOOTH: Oh, why, you can't think of a motive like maybe, he loves his mother? Huh? He wants to keep his family together? (lifts phone to his ear) You probably just think he's some dumb-ass kid. CAROLINE: (through phone) I beg your pardon? BOOTH: Hey, I'm, lis-listen, CAROLINE, I'm ready to make an arrest. (Cut to: The Medico-Legal Lab, CAM's office) CAROLINE: You're more than sure, right, cherie? You're damn sure? BOOTH: (through phone) Well, it's circumstantial... (Cut to: Airplane interior, first class) BOOTH: ...but it's, uh, compelling. So do you have a warrant to sign? CAROLINE: (through phone) Yes. BOOTH: Well sign it so I can make the arrest. BILBREY: Just a minute, please. CAROLINE: (through phone) That's the lawyer, right? (Cut to: The Medico-Legal Lab, CAM's office) CAROLINE: You can always tell a damn lawyer. (Cut to: Airplane interior, first class) BILBREY: I represent my son, who is also minor... (Cut to: The Medico-Legal Lab, CAM's office) BILBREY: ...incidentally. CAROLINE: Minor? (Cut to: Airplane interior, first class) BRENNAN: A minor murderer! MCNUTT: (through speakers) Ladies and gentlemen, we are making our final descent into Shanghai International Airport. Please return your seats to their upright position and turn off all... (Cut to: The Medico-Legal Lab, CAM's office) MCNUTT: (through phone) ...electronic devices. CAM: BOOTH, you're cutting it pretty close, there. (Cut to: Airplane interior, first class) BOOTH: Yeah, I know. ELI: What's going on? BRENNAN: We know you killed ELIZABETH JONES. BOOTH: Probably why you wanted to get so drunk, huh, ELI? BILBREY: Don't say a word, ELI, not a word. (to BOOTH) You're making this arrest on the strength of blood stains... (Cut to: The Medico-Legal Lab, CAM's office) BILBREY: ...that could belong to anyone in first class. CAROLINE: BOOTH. (Cut to: Airplane interior, first class) BOOTH: Okay, motive. The father was cheating on the dying wife with the victim. ANN: Arthur? BOOTH: (to BILBREY) You thought the family was safe by getting away from the woman... (cut to: Airplane exterior. Airplane is approaching runway.) BRENNAN: BOOTH... (Cut to: Airplane interior, first class) BRENNAN: We're really close to the ground. BOOTH: She shows up on the plane, in first class. BILBREY: Not a word, ELI. (Cut to: Airplane exterior. Airplane is closer to the runway.) BRENNAN: BOOTH, I can see people. (Cut to: Airplane interior, first class) BRENNAN: We have less than thirty seconds. (Cut to: The Medico-Legal Lab, CAM's office) CAROLINE: BOOTH! (Cut to: Airplane interior, first class) BOOTH: CAROLINE, you gotta trust me on this. (Cut to: The Medico-Legal Lab, CAM's office) CAROLINE: Make the case, Agent BOOTH. (Cut to: Airplane interior, first class) CAROLINE: (through phone) Something more than motive. (BRENNAN grabs a case away from ELI) BOOTH: Bones... BRENNAN: BOOTH? BOOTH: Yeah. BRENNAN: If this missing video game turns out to be the computer chip imbedded in the victim's sternum... (BOOTH grabs the video game away from ELI and looks into card slot, which is empty) BOOTH: Where'd you lose the cartridge, ELI? (ELI is silent.) We got forensic corroboration. (Cut to: Airplane exterior. Airplane is feet away from touching down on the runway.) BILBREY: "If", she said... (Cut to: Airplane interior, first class) BILBREY: ..."if"! (Cut to: The Medico-Legal Lab, CAM's office) CAM: Just sign it. (Cut to: Airplane exterior. Airplane is feet away from touching down on the runway.) BOOTH: (through phone) The moment this plane touches down, I lose jurisdiction. (Cut to: The Medico-Legal Lab, CAM's office) CAROLINE: This better be a good- CAM: (interrupts) Sign the warrant. (CAROLINE glares.) Please. (Cut to: Airplane interior, first class) CAROLINE: (through phone) Okay, make the arrest. BOOTH: (lowers phone; speaks quickly) ELI BILBREY, I am placing you under arrest for the murder of ELIZABETH JONES, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law because this is the United States of America! (Cut to: Airplane exterior; airplane touches down on runway. Airplane interior, first class. BOOTH and BRENNAN stumble as the plane touches down. The airplane is filled with applause.) BRENNAN: (waving) Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. BOOTH: Bones. The applause is for the landing. BRENNAN: Oh, yes. I always wonder why people do that. (Cut to: A bar. ANGELA is carrying two drinks to a table where ROXIE is sitting. They "clink" their glasses together.) ROXIE: Did you catch the murderer? ANGELA: Yeah. ROXIE: That's great. (ANGELA sighs) It's not great? ANGELA: He was sixteen. ROXIE: Oh. ANGELA: Dying mom, cheating father. He just wanted to make it stop. ROXIE: I'm sorry. That counts as a crappy day. (small laugh) You should probably just go home and draw a bath. ANGELA: I want you to come with me and stay. ROXIE: Of course I'll stay. ANGELA: (smiles and sighs) I mean, I-I want you to, move in with me. ROXIE: This isn't just because you've had a bad day, right? Because... ANGELA: No. It isn't. ROXIE: You've never done that before, asked someone to move in with you. ANGELA: No. (shakes head) ROXIE: You've lived with people at their place. ANGELA: (laughs) With my bag packed by the front door, yeah. (looks hopefully at ROXIE, then smiles) Why aren't you saying anything? (ROXIE is quiet) Right. Because you're gonna say "no". ROXIE: Yeah, I am. I'm saying "no, thanks". ANGELA: Why? ROXIE: It's too soon. You aren't ready. I'm not ready. Let's just see how things unfold, okay? ANGELA: (laughs) Okay. ROXIE: What? ANGELA: I'm always the one to say that. (Cut to: Airplane exterior, in hangar. Airplane interior, first class. BOOTH walks into first class holding a bottle of champagne and two glasses, already full.) BOOTH: Look what I found, huh? There's that smile. (hands a glass to BRENNAN) BRENNAN: Thank you. BOOTH: Mm-hmm. BRENNAN: We don't even get to get off the plane? BOOTH: Nope, they're refueling, and finding us another pilot, and (makes a swoosh noise, then "clinks" his glass against BRENNAN's) go back home. (BOOTH and BRENNAN take a drink. BRENNAN looks back into coach, where ELI is sitting and is handcuffed to his seat.) BRENNAN: What about his parents? BOOTH: They gotta fly back on their own dime. ELI is in federal custody now. (BRENNAN nods, then half-smiles. BOOTH looks at her closely.) BOOTH: You want to get off the plane, to see those old Chinese bones. I'm sorry. BRENNAN: It's not your fault. BOOTH: Yeah, it is, because I'm the one that dragged you out of pure science and pulled you into murder solving. BRENNAN: That's not how I remember it. BOOTH: Really. BRENNAN: Yes. As I recall, I had to force you to take me into the field. BOOTH: (smiles) Really. BRENNAN: Yes. You didn't want to, remember? This is all my fault. (BOOTH and BRENNAN smile at each other. ELI sighs.) ELI: Hey, are you two gonna make out? BOOTH: Hey, quiet. You lost your right to talk. BRENNAN: Why do people always think we're going to make out? BOOTH: I say we let him sit back there the entire trip back, by himself. BRENNAN: He did kill someone. And he ruined my dig. Plus, you know he's gonna try to drink all the champagne. BOOTH: We're going to need some for later. To us. (holds up glass and "clinks" it against BRENNAN's. They each take a drink, then recline their seats, making content noises. BOOTH's only reclines halfway.) Hey, why does yours go all the way back and mine doesn't go all the way back? BRENNAN: Oh, it's just how mine is. BOOTH: This is first class. They're supposed to go all the way back. BRENNAN: Maybe it's because you're supposed to be in coach. (Scene fades out)

Plan: A: China; Q: Where are Booth and Brennan headed? A: pre-historic anthropological; Q: What kind of remains is Brennan being summoned to identify? A: their flight; Q: What is disrupted? A: a fully cooked human body; Q: What did the flight attendant find in the microwave? A: the plane's industrial microwave; Q: What was the murder weapon? A: the team; Q: Who do Booth and Brennan connect with back in the U.S.? A: evidence; Q: What do Booth and Brennan send back to the Jeffersonian? A: the Jeffersonian; Q: Where is the evidence sent for processing? A: a travel writer; Q: What was the victim's occupation? A: a controversial story; Q: What kind of story was the victim working on? A: the clock; Q: What are Booth and Brennan racing against? A: the murder; Q: What do Booth and Brennan have to solve before the plane lands? A: the case; Q: What do Booth and Brennan lose jurisdiction over? A: Roxie's relationship; Q: What progresses as Hodgins tries to move on? A: Roxie; Q: Who is Angela's new love interest? Summary: Booth and Brennan are en route to China where Brennan has been summoned to help identify pre-historic anthropological remains with Booth in tow to watch over her highly sensitive equipment. However, their flight is disrupted when a flight attendant discovers a fully cooked human body in the plane's industrial microwave. Booth and Brennan connect with the team back in the U.S. via internet connection and they use Brennan's high-tech equipment, as well as odds and ends from the airline passengers, to send evidence back to the Jeffersonian for processing. When they identify the victim as a travel writer working on a controversial story about airline pilots, Booth and Brennan must race against the clock and solve the murder before the plane lands in China and they lose their jurisdiction over the case. Meanwhile, back in the states, Angela and Roxie's relationship progresses as Hodgins tries to move on.

[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY - FIREWORKS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CASINO (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CASINO - NIGHT] (The camera gives us various shots inside the casino - of the gaming tables, of the people at the slots, of the craps table.) Craps Player: Five! Baby, go! Craps Player: Seven. Whoo! (A player puts a bill flat on the table and slides it over to the DEALER. The DEALER looks over at the manager who is standing nearby. She calls out to him.) Dealer: Changing $100. (The Manager, MAX DUNCAN, gives his approval.) Max Duncan: Change $100, go ahead. (The DEALER puts the hundred in the table slot. The MANAGER stands off to the side watching the casino proceedings.) (A SECURITY OFFICER pushes the cashbox equipment to the table. They remove the table's cash box and puts it on the metal rack. A cash box is removed and put under the DEALER'S table. The SECURITY OFFICER looks up at the surveillance camera, raises his hand and signals.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Camera POV of the SECURITY OFFICER signaling to the camera.) Security: Section G-3 all clear. On route to H-4. And then soft count. (Cut to: Camera view of the entrance stairs into the casino area.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Three women walk into the casino: One blonde, One brunette, and One red-head. The blonde stops near the entrance. The brunette and red-head continue on into the casino.) (The SECURITY OFFICERS continue to push the metal cart full of cash boxes through the casino.) (The blonde woman pulls out a gun and shoots at the huge chandelier hanging from the ceiling, hitting it and making it crash to the floor below.) (Customers start screaming and scrambling for cover.) (The brunette and the red-headed woman both pull out their guns and start to fire. They both manage to hit the two SECURITY OFFICERS.) (The two women continue to the metal cart with the cash boxes. They start to put the cash boxes into a bag. The woman at the entrance continues to watch their escape route.) (Another SECURITY OFFICER rushes down the entrance stairs. The red-haired woman shoots and hits the SECURITY OFFICER.) [SCENE_BREAK] (In the security camera office, SECURITY OFFICERS call for additional help as all hell breaks loose on the multiple monitors in front of them.) Security: Section G-4. SECURITY: Security three intersect at G-5. SECURITY: Where the hell is metro?! [SCENE_BREAK] (The three women have their cash boxes and start to leave. The gunfire increases exponentially as they make their way to the exit. Additional SECURITY OFFICERS start to fire from behind the bar.) (The red-headed woman gets shot and falls to the ground. The other two escape.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL CASINO -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM and BRASS walk down the entrance stairs into the casino. GRISSOM carries his kit while BRASS fills him in.) Grissom: And the body count? Brass: Five guards, three civilians wounded. One dead bad guy. Armed robbers snatched the lock boxes from the two high-stakes tables right off the rolling cage. Grissom: Cash on wheels. Brass: Busiest time of night. Three women-organized and muscled. Grissom: Small time crooks, Jim. Brass: Hey, they got away with 250K. Grissom: Yeah? That's a mere pittance to a Vegas casino. Cashiers alone are sitting on a million and change. (They reach the red-haired woman.) Brass: Small time or not these ladies are dangerous. (GRISSOM glances down a the body. He puts his kit down and kneels down next to the body. The looks up at BRASS.) Grissom: Dangerous, yes. Ladies ... (GRISSOM reaches over and pulls the red-haired wig off of the "woman". He holds it up to BRASS and shakes his head.) Grissom: ... no. (BRASS shrugs.) HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT CASINO - NIGHT] (The wounded are being tended to. WARRICK and NICK go through the scene. WARRICK is kneeling on the floor looking through a small instrument measuring the base of a discarded bullet.) Warrick: These guys packed enough .45 caliber ammo for a small army. (NICK picks up a bullet from the floor near marker #6.) Nick: Security managed to return a few rounds. Nine millimeter. Warrick: Less than a year ago security couldn't even carry guns. Nick: Times have changed. Warrick: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] (BRASS and GRISSOM talk in the casino.) Brass: The same M.O. as Laughlin. Last month, cottage casino, men dressed as women shot the place to hell. In and out in under five. Grissom: My bet was that that was the practice run. Brass: And the more you practice ... (BRASS and GRISSOM walk up to MAX DUNCAN talking with an OFFICER. They overhear part of what he says.) Max Duncan: I don't know what the hell's going on with the world. Everything's crazy. I risk my life just coming into work. Makes you miss the mob days, huh? Back then, this never would've happened. And if it did, those scumbags, they'd be dead, every last one of them and we would never know about it. Brass: Mr ... Mr. Duncan -- take a deep breath and tell us what happened. Max Duncan: We'd just made a money transfer to the rolling cages. Then, bang-- the chandelier comes crashing down. Sounded like an explosion. So I dropped to my knees-- I took cover. Brass: Anything else? Max Duncan: Yeah, I started praying for the gunfire to stop. Brass: Okay. Thanks a lot. And check in with triage before you leave. (MAX DUNCAN leaves.) Brass: Well, that was helpful. Grissom: (looking at the chandelier) Actually, it was. Gives us a starting point. (Quick flashback to: The chandelier flares and starts to fall from the ceiling. People run for cover. The "woman" in red pulls out her gun and shoots the guards.) Grissom: (V.O.) The falling chandelier distracts the guards. Makes them easy targets. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: The armed robbers load up, head for the exits. Brass: Quick escape. Grissom: Chaos moving in one direction, the money moving in the other. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ROADWAY - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CAR - NIGHT] (CATHERINE and SARA drive to the crime scene.) Catherine: Can you imagine living out here? Sara: It's peaceful. Catherine: Peaceful? The town just lost five percent of its population. Sara: I thought you said this was a single homicide. Catherine: Yeah, in a population of 20. (SARA smiles. The car turns into the parking lot.) Sara: We made it. State trooper. (CATHERINE parks the car. They get out of the car.) Officer Spencer: Two hours to drive 75 miles. You guys got lost. Catherine: What's the rush? Crime scene's not going anywhere. Officer Spencer: Yeah, but I am. Body's behind the counter. Dustin Bale -- store clerk. Bullet through the chest. The register's empty. Sara: Officer Spencer, did you touch anything? Officer Spencer: Fourteen years as a state trooper. I know how to secure a crime scene without contaminating the evidence. Sara: Sorry. Officer Spencer: It's okay. Look, I cover 97.5 square miles. I got to book. (CATHERINE and SARA head for the store.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GENERAL STORE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (They enter the store and look around. The sign in the door says "Closed". They put their kits down and look at the stuff on the floor.) Sara: Vomit? (CATHERINE picks up a sample and smells it. She shakes her head.) Catherine: Not an expectorate. Potato. Blown to smithereens. (SARA thinks about it.) Sara: A poor man's silencer. (Quick CGI POV to: A side view of a gun firing through a potato and the potato shattering into bits. End of CGI POV.) Catherine: Now, why would an assailant need silencer way out here? (SARA stands up and picks up a potato from the stand. She goes behind the counter. She sees the body on the floor. She steps over the body and checks the cash register slip.) Sara: Last paying customer -- eight hours ago. Catherine: We just got the call. The place is open 24 seven. Why'd it take so long? (Quick flashback to: A person leaving the store and turning the sign in the door over.) Sara: (V.O.) The assailant flipped the sign on the way out, buying him time to get away. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (CATHERINE looks up and sees the security camera high in the ceiling.) Catherine: But now without getting his picture taken first. (SARA steps up and checks the camera.) Sara: It's plastic. Catherine: You're joking. Sara: Nine volt attached to a blinking light. Catherine: Real or fake, it didn't work. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CASINO -- NIGHT] (BRASS takes notes as he interviews a FRATERNITY GUY.) Fraternity Guy: There was three of them. (pointing) They come from around the corner, guns drawn ... (Quick flashback to: The three women walk into the casino. They raise their weapons. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Cocktail Waitress: I think they came from over there. (indicates side) There were two of them. (Quick flashback to: The two "women" in wigs walk through the casino. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Elderly Woman: I said four. Brass: Right. Elderly Woman: There were four of those lunatics. They were everywhere. Brass: Right. Elderly Woman: (insistent) Write it down. Brass: I got it. Thank you very much. Excuse me. (BRASS walks away from the ELDERLY WOMAN. GRISSOM walks up to BRASS.) Brass: (clears throat) I've interviewed 17 people. No two accounts are alike. (He puts his notebook away.) Grissom: A Harvard Professor conducted an experiment. Asked a bunch of students to watch a basketball game -- count the number of times the ball was passed. Brass: Yeah, groundbreaking. Grissom: During the game a person dressed in a gorilla suit ran across the court. Afterwards, the professor asked his students if they noticed the gorilla. Fifty percent responded, "What gorilla?" Brass: That's wonderful, Gil. If I see a gorilla, I'll arrest it. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CASINO -- NIGHT] Valet: The car was sitting right here. Nick: Did you get a good look at it? Make, model? Valet: No. It was beige, beat up. Hazards flashing. People leave their cars here all the time. I wait ten minutes then call for a tow. Nick: Car peel out? Valet: No. The driver gunned it but I didn't hear a screech. (NICK looks at the small oil spill on the ground. He smells it.) Nick: Smells like burnt wood. Valet: Motor oil? Nick: No. No, transmission fluid. But it's brown, not red. Valet: Which means? Nick: (shakes his head) It's not the right color. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (ROBBINS removes the bullet from the body. GRISSOM walks into the room.) Grissom: Extraction is an art, Albert. Robbins: I like to think so. So this is our cross-dresser in thee ? I.D.'d as Adam Brower, shot in the back with a hollow point -- close range. Mushroomed upon impact maximizing trauma. (Quick CGI POV to: The bullet enters the flesh and opens up. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Grissom: Caliber? Robbins: Forty-five. (He puts the bullet in the tin.) Grissom: The guards were armed with nine millimeters and they weren't hollow point. So ... he was shot in the back by one of his own partners? Robbins: Someone didn't want to share. (Camera holds on GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GENERAL STORE -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE prints the "Closed" sign. SARA watches her from behind as she clears the counter.) Sara: Wow. A fumette. Did you get that out of some museum? Catherine: Hey, don't knock it. It's still the best tool for lifting prints off cardboard. (The sign shows many prints.) Catherine: (quietly) Blow and print. (SARA finishes clearing the counter and kneels down to look at it closely.) Sara: If you were in a hurry how would you get back there? Catherine: Easy. Jump the counter. Sara: Exactly what I'm thinking. (SARA pulls out a machine and checks the counter.) (Quick CGI POV to: Top view of the thin film placed on the counter. Camera moves downward under the film to show the prints adhering to the film. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Sara: Shoe prints. Catherine: Lay it out. Sara: Suspect entered ... (Quick flashback to: Person walks into the store. Picks up a potato. The clerk turns around. The gun fires. The clerk falls to the ground. The person hops over the counter, takes the cash from the register and leaves.) Sara: (V.O.) ... shoots the clerk through the potato... then hops up and over, leaving behind shoe prints ... grabs the cash ... flips the sign from "open" to "closed" and exits. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: How old is the killer? Sara: (shakes her head) What are you thinking? Catherine: Shoe size is five, six tops. Sara: We may be looking for a minor. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB] (GRISSOM walks into the lab and joins WARRICK in front of the monitor.) Grissom: You want to see me? Warrick: Yeah. Grissom: This is the video surveillance from that heist. This camera was trained on their entrance. (On the monitor, the three "ladies" walk into the casino. The blond stays by the stairs, the Red and Blue walk into the casino.) Grissom: All the disguises in the world and they dress like women. Warrick: Ski masks are played out. Red and blue teamed up together and took out the guards and their rolling cage. (On the monitor, the Red and the Blue walk across the floor and shoot the guards. The players duck down for cover.) Warrick: Black shot down that chandelier. Grissom: Well, Blue's the decedent I.D.'d as Adam Brower ... so enlarge red. (On the monitor, the frame is on pause and the picture of the woman in Red is enlarged.) Warrick: No amount of makeup in the world could cover up that chunk of adam's apple. Grissom: That must be the one that killed Brower. .45 in the back at close range. (Quick flashback to: The Red shooting the Blue in the back.) Warrick: No honor among thieves. Grissom: Photoshop black. (WARRICK highlights and enlarges a close up of the blonde-haired woman in Black.) Warrick: No stubble ... no adam's apple. Grissom: Dressed as a woman among men dressed as women. Now, see? That's a disguise. HARD CUT TO BLACK. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GENERAL STORE -- DAY] (SARA kneels down next to the counter and dusts the countertop for prints. CATHERINE lingers in the doorway. She finishes printing the glass on the door. She turns around and sees SARA dusting for prints.) Catherine: Fluorescent powders? Sara: Eh, why not? They're in the kit. Catherine: Protocol's black. Sara: Since when do you care about my choice of powders? (CATHERINE takes off her gloves. She's irritated.) Catherine: Assistant coroners is four hours late and we are stuck out here until he transports the body. And I haven't heard from Grissom ... Sara: (picks up a power container and looks at it) You know, I've never tried green ... Catherine: I should've never been sent to this remote scene in the first place. I've got seniority. I deserve -- no, I've earned the right to pick my cases. (Without a word, SARA walks over to the front of the counter and hands CATHERINE a candy bar. CATHERINE opens it.) Catherine: (reasons) If I start eating, I will shut up. (SARA walks around the counter and looks at the body.) Sara: Do you have a mirror? Catherine: Since when do you care about your appearance? (CATHERINE takes a bite of the candy bar and starts to chew. SARA'S jaw drops. She stares at CATHERINE. CATHERINE digs into her kit and hands her a mirror.) Sara: Crime scene?? It's not for me. Catherine: Sorry. (SARA kneels down next to the body. CATHERINE stretches to look over the counter.) Catherine: We can't touch it. Sara: I'm just getting a better look. (SARA uses the mirror and looks at the victim on the floor. The door opens. DAVID PHILLIPS walks in.) Catherine: Oh, thank god. It's about time. David Phillips: Nice to see you, Catherine. Well, I smell the body. Where is he? (SARA stands up from behind the counter.) Sara: Hey, David. I wasn't touching him. David Phillips: (smiling) I know you better than that. Catherine: So, uh, what took you so long? David Phillips: (simply) I made a wrong turn back at the fork. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB] (GREG sits in his lab reading a "Sand and Surf" magazine. NICK walks in. He looks at the magazine over GREG'S shoulder.) Nick: You're a surfer now? Greg: Dude, I rip. Nick: We're 300 miles from the nearest beach. Greg: Surfing's just a state of mind. Nick: I got your page. Where's my report? Greg: Oh, relax, bro. The gc mass spec's working on it. Should be done, um ... (The spectrometer beeps.) Greg: ... now. (He grabs the results and looks at it.) Greg: Transmission fluid. (He hands the sheet to NICK.) Nick: Yeah, thanks. (reads it) Type "f" with dexron. Greg: So? (NICK grabs the magazine.) Nick: So ... you should be reading Car & Driver instead of Sand and Surf. Someone put the wrong type of fluid transmission. See, Ford automobiles use a thick red Type-F transmission fluid. General Motors uses a thinner, yellow fluid with dexron. Now, when dexron's put into a ford it thins that Type-F fluid. Friction builds, gears grind. (Quick CGI POV to: Close up of the transmission fluid in a car.) Nick: (V.O.) The second gear is usually the first to go. Friction causes the engine to overheat, in turn cooking the transmission fluid turning it brown. (End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Nick: Leak on the pavement is the first clue you've got a problem. Greg: Congratulations--you're looking for a Ford with a leak. Nick: Not just Ford. The getaway vehicle has a stubborn second gear. Greg: Which means it can't get very far. Nick: My guess is it's already been dumped. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. APARTMENT - HALLWAY -- DAY] (BRASS and WARRICK make their way to ADAM BROWER'S apartment.) Brass: Before Mr. Brower dressed up as a woman and heisted a casino, he was a janitor at an office park off Flamingo. Before that, he was "out of town." Fours years for grand larceny. (They stop in front of the apartment door.) Warrick: Well, the manager's not in? Brass: I got a warrant. Warrick: I got a key. (WARRICK uses the tool and punches out the door lock.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ADAM BROWER'S APARTMENT - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (WARRICK and BRASS enter the apartment.) Brass: Whoo, tidy little camper, isn't he? Warrick: Yeah. (WARRICK starts looking around.) Brass: What are we looking for? Warrick: Anything that links Brower to his co-conspirators. (WARRICK puts his kit down and lifts up a pair of jeans.) Brass: Dirty laundry? Warrick: I'm thinking trace elements in the clothes could tell us where he was before the heist. I'm going to take it all back to the lab. Brass: Okay. Let's see ... (BRASS opens the closet door. He lifts up a bra.) Brass: Well, while you're at it don't forget his wigs and bras. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (SARA scans the shoe print into the computer. She runs a database search on it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB -- DAY] (SARA walks into the lab. CATHERINE is already there with the Technician.) Catherine: Anything on the shoe print? Sara: Skechers. Adult size five. Female. Catherine: Well, at least, we're not chasing a kid. Sara: How's the prints coming? Technician: You two lifted 82 suspect prints. 43 are partial. Catherine: We ID'd on from the "open/closed" sign. Sara: Great. Catherine: No. Not so great. State trooper. Sara: You got to be kidding me. "Officer Moron" contaminated the scene. Catherine: Yep. Well, I'll just beef him to his captain. Technician: Tough. I like that. (The computer beeps.) Technician: Match. Print off the register. Sara: What have you got? Catherine: (reading) Tammy Felton. Sara: Who's Tammy Felton? Catherine: A fugitive and clinical psychopath that Grissom and I put behind bars. She tried to play but I didn't bite. [Scenes from 1X17: Face Lift. (Quick flashbacks of TAMMY FELTON with a pleading look on her face, of CATHERINE as she turns around, and of TAMMY between the jail cell bars. End of flashback. Resume to present.)] Catherine: Her biological parents posted bail and then she bailed on them. Sara: Biological parents? Catherine: Tammy was kidnapped as a child. Raised by her kidnapper. When she found out the truth, she killed him. Hey, finish running the prints. (CATHERINE stands up and heads out the lab.) Catherine: Tammy uses people. She wasn't alone. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] Catherine: (o.s.) Grissom! (GRISSOM turns around and sees CATHERINE walking toward him. He turns around and continues down the hallway. CATHERINE chases after him.) Grissom: If you're going to badger me about your crime scene location, put it in a memo. Catherine: You don't read memos. Do you remember Tammy Felton? Grissom: I always remember the ones that get away. Catherine: She's back. (GRISSOM stops and turns around. CATHERINE catches up with GRISSOM.) Catherine: She's been to Calnevari. She's a prime suspect in our convenience store homicide. (GREG enters the end of the hallway and calls out to GRISSOM.) Greg: Grissom ... (They turn to look at GREG.) I need you, ASAP. Please. (GRISSOM pulls CATHERINE down with him as he follows GREG.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB] (GREG sits in his chair. On the table in front of him are bullet samples.) Greg: So, ballistics sent me a bullet from the casino. It's a .45 so we know it came from one of the "ladies'" guns. Grissom: And this is a special bullet? Greg: No, but there was a foreign substance adhered to it. Grissom: And the substance is special? Greg: Not exactly. Catherine: Just get to the point, Greg. Greg: Tomato, to-mah-to, potato... Catherine: Wait a second. There was potato on the bullet? (GRISSOM turns to look at CATHERINE. He knows she knows something.) Greg: You bet. Strange, huh? Catherine: There was potato on the bullet because there was potato inside the barrel of the gun. Grissom: This bullet is from my investigation. Catherine: Right. One of your armed robbers may have used a potato as a silencer prior to the heist. (Quick CGI POV to: Close up of the gun firing and the bullet shattering the potato, passing through the potato and some of the potato getting back into the nozzle of the gun. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Grissom: Tammy Felton? Catherine: (shakes her head) Maybe. Grissom: Three armed robbers. Adam Brower-- killed at the scene Tammy Felton ... we're still one suspect short. (SARA enters the lab. She pulls out the photo sheet from the envelope. She gives it to CATHERINE.) Sara: Cath, got another match from the convenience store. The print on the outside doorknob belongs to an ex-con, Darin Hanson. (GRISSOM looks at CATHERINE. They both look at each other. SARA recognizes the look.) Sara: You know this guy, too? Catherine: He ran with Tammy's father, mostly from the law. Grissom: So Tammy kills dad ... and she and Darin Hanson run off together. [Scenes from 1X17: Face Lift - TAMMY FELTON on the side of the road as a car pulls up to pick her up. DARIN HANSON gets out of the car. They smile at each other.] Catherine: A regular Bonnie and Clyde. Just what Vegas needs. (Camera holds on GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB -- DAY] (BOBBY DAWSON goes over the bullet comparisons with GRISSOM and CATHERINE.) Grissom: Let me see, Bobby. Bobby Dawson: Yeah. (BOBBY moves aside so that GRISSOM can look into the scope.) Bobby Dawson: Projectile on the left, .45 hollow point courtesy of Adam Brower's back. On the right ... (SCOPE VIEW of the two bullets.) Bobby Dawson: ... a .45 hollow point extracted from Dustin Bale -- dead clerk at the convenience store. Grissom: Bullets confirm the story told by the potato. Catherine: Same gun. Two crimes. One case. Grissom: Three suspects. Adam Brower, deceased. Tammy Felton, Darin Hanson, still at large. (NICK enters the lab.) Nick: Hey, guys. I just got a call from Brass. We got a possible getaway vehicle off I-93. Catherine: What makes you think it's the right car? Nick: It's beige abandoned, '77 mercury cougar. Mercury's a division of Ford. I'll drive. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. OFF I-93 -- DAY] (Open on the car in the bushes. BRASS stands off to the side looking at the car in the bushes. On the road, the CSI'S get out of their Tahoe. They approach BRASS. BRASS turns to meet them.) Brass: A trucker called it in. Grissom: Well, if that's the getaway car there would have been a secondary vehicle parked nearby. Nick: Yeah. Check for treads, Jim? Brass: Yeah. (BRASS turns to join NICK.) Grissom: (to CATHERINE) Shall we? Catherine: (nods) Let's go. (GRISSOM makes his way to the front of the car. He looks inside.) (Cut to: NICK and BRASS are topside looking for the second vehicle.) Nick: If you were stashing a car, where would you hide it? Brass: All these bushes would provide good cover. Nick: Oh ... check out that dirt displacement. Brass: Yeah. Skid mark; one tire. Brass: Where's the other one? Nick: (realizes) There isn't one. (Quick flashback to a single rider on a motorcycle. The engine revs and it drives off. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Nick: Dirt to pavement, then the trail goes cold. (Cut to: CATHERINE helps GRISSOM back on top of the hill.) Grissom: No damage. This car was barely moving. Catherine: It was dumped. (A piece of cloth is caught in the trunk hood.) Catherine: Detail ... pop the trunk. (The MAN pops the trunk open.) Catherine: Thanks. (They open the trunk and find TAMMY FELTON inside. Eyes wide open and dead.) Catherine: It's Tammy. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (ROBBINS examines TAMMY FELTON.) Robbins: Contusions on the anterior neck. Streaking erythema on the lateral aspect of zone one. Cartilaginous tracheal rings are crushed. (CATHERINE walks in.) Catherine: Hey, Doc. Robbins: Catherine. Catherine: She didn't put up a fight, did she? Robbins: How'd you know? Catherine: She was killed by the one person in life she trusted. (Quick flashbacks to: TAMMY FELTON in her blonde wig kissing DARIN HANSON. TAMMY takes off her wig. She and DARIN stand close to each other. DARIN puts his hands on her shoulders. TAMMY smiles. DARIN'S grip starts to tighten and TAMMY starts gagging. They fall to the ground as he chokes her. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Darin Hanson stared her in the face and she never saw it coming. Robbins: Put his thumbs around her air pipe and pushed. (Quick flashback to TAMMY FELTON on the ground and gasping as DARIN HANSON chokes her. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Robbins: I swabbed her neck. Affirmative for epithelials. (ROBBINS hands the swab box to CATHERINE.) Catherine: I'll run them against Darin Hanson's DNA. Robbins: Parents called. They're on their way in to I.D. Catherine: How did they sound? Robbins: Oddly, relieved. Catherine: They finally know where she is. (CATHERINE sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE] (NICK walks around the car to stand in front of WARRICK who gets out of the front seat. He holds out his index finger to NICK. NICK looks at it and shakes his head.) Nick: I'm not pulling it. Warrick: I found similar dust on Adam Brower's dirty clothes. Check it out. (NICK uses the magnifying glass and looks at the dust on the tip of WARRICK'S finger. Camera zooms to the magnifying glass view of the dust on the tip of WARRICK'S finger. Camera zooms in further to show a microscope view of the dust crystals.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB] (GREG looks up from the scope.) Greg: Real-life fairy dust. Nick: Yeah, it turns grown men into criminals. Warrick: What's the composition? Greg: S-I ... O-2. Silica dust. Each particle's a hundred times smaller than a grain of sand. (GRISSOM walks into the lab.) Grissom: I thought you guys were processing the car? Warrick: Yeah, um... what do you know about silica? Grissom: It's used to make glass. It's mined in open pits. Why? Nick: Silica found both on Adam Brower's clothing and the getaway vehicle. Grissom: There's an abandoned silica mine outside calnevari. Greg: (impressed) What don't you know? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SILICA MINE] (Police cars drive up to the abandoned silica mine. NICK, WARRICK and GRISSOM exit the Tahoe. They start looking around. Officers also start looking around the place.) Grissom: Come here. (NICK and WARRICK join GRISSOM to see what he found. GRISSOM points. Across the way, a motorcycle is parked next to a shed.) Nick: Motorcycle tracks at the vehicle dump site. (They make their way toward the shed. On the ground are silica crystals.) Nick: Yeah, that smells nice. Warrick: Shouldn't smell at all, if this place is abandoned. (Behind GRISSOM, NICK and WARRICK both get their guns out. GRISSOM stands in front and looks at the shed.) Grissom: Get your guns out. (They approach the shed. GRISSOM reaches out and opens the door. Inside is a dead MAN shot in the forehead.) Grissom: Say hello to Darin Hanson. (WARRICK picks up a shell casing from the ground.) Warrick: Shot with a .45. Execution style. Nick: Adam, Tammy ... now Darin... all dead. Grissom: And ... we're out of suspects. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LOUNGE] (GRISSOM hands out photographs on the table.) Grissom: Three armed robbers hold up the casino. Tammy's in black, Adam was the one in blue and that leaves us Darin. Catherine: We found Darin and Tammy's prints at the convenience store. Hours before the heist, gets murdered. (Quick flashback to: The clerk turns around and gets shot. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Nick: Shot with the same gun used to kill Adam at the casino. Grissom: The surveillance video tells us that Darin was the only one in position to shoot Adam. (Quick flashback to: The "Woman" in Red shooting the "Woman" in Blue". End of flashback. Resume to present.) Nick: Why did Darin kill Adam? Sara: Greed. Fewer slices. Bigger pieces. Catherine: Which explains why he killed Tammy. (Quick flashback to: TAMMY FELTON on the ground, gasping and being choked by DARIN HANSON. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Nick: That's confirmed? Catherine: Epithelials on her neck are a match to Darin's DNA. Nick: So, Darin thought he was getting the whole score. Sara: But now he's dead. So, who killed him, and where's the money? Grissom: And we still don't know why Darin and Tammy took out the convenience store clerk. Catherine: Why kill a man for a few hundred bucks when you're about to steal a hundred thousand? Sara: We've got more questions than answers. (WARRICK enters the room.) Warrick: I just got off the phone with the Laughlin CSI assigned to last month's cottage casino case. He told me the casino's cameras captured four assailants, not three. Nick: Maybe Tower Club surveillance missed something. Warrick: Actually, it didn't. We did. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB] (Everyone is back in the A/V Lab. WARRICK is in front of the computer showing them the surveillance video.) Warrick: Tower casino surveillance. The screen on your left the camera's trained over where Tammy, Darin and Adam entered. The screen on your right is trained on the gaming tables. Okay, check it out. (On the monitor, the video plays.) Sara: What are we looking for? Warrick: What, you missed him? All right. I'll play it again ... slower, just for you. (WARRICK smiles. NICK throws SARA a glance and smiles.) Now, keep your eye trained on the pit boss and the chandelier. (On the monitor, the video plays in slower motion. It's apparent that MAX DUNCAN drops before things happen.) Sara: He ducked before the chandelier fell. Nick: Yeah, before Tammy drew her gun. Catherine: Play it again. (WARRICK plays the video for a third time.) Grissom: Well done, Warrick. You found our mole. Warrick: Yeah. Pit boss' name is Max Duncan. Started working there about three weeks ago. Before that ... Catherine: Let me guess. Laughlin, cottage casino? Grissom: Yeah. I'll call Brass. He can make the arrest. Catherine: I'll meet him at the station. Call you with an update. (CATHERINE stands. She and GRISSOM leave the lab.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DUNCAN RESIDENCE -- DAY] (MAX DUNCAN hurriedly leaves his house (#23519) carrying a golf club set and duffle bag. He puts them into the back of his car.) (Police cars pull up and block his exit. BRASS and CATHERINE get out of the car.) Brass: Max Duncan? Max Duncan: Yeah. What the hell is going on here? Catherine: You going somewhere? Max Duncan: What's it to you? Brass: I'll tell you how this works: I'll ask the questions; you give the answers downtown. Max Duncan: I'm calling my lawyer. (An officer cuffs MAX DUNCAN. CATHERINE walks up to the side of MAX DUNCAN'S car and notices the thin film of dust on it. She runs her finger along the car side.) Catherine: Good idea. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (BRASS and CATHERINE question MAX DUNCAN. His lawyer sits next to him.) Brass: Max ... are you clairvoyant? Max Duncan: Excuse me? Catherine: Surveillance tape from the Tower Club Casino. You ducked before there was a reason to cover. Max Duncan: I saw a gun; I hit the ground. Brass: Okay, let's try this. Why were you leaving town? Trying to beat a murder rap? Max Duncan: No. I didn't kill anyone. Catherine: You forget about Darin Hanson? Your car was covered with gray dust- - silica. It places you at the murder scene. Max Duncan: Well, I didn't kill him. Lawyer: (warning) Max ... Max Duncan: I went there, but ... Lawyer: I'm advising you not to say another word. Max Duncan: No, I want to clear this up. All right, I went out to the mine, but I didn't kill Darin. He was already dead. All right, look, I ... I'll admit I helped him out. I ... I told him when and where to hit. That's why I ducked. But that's it. Brass: That's a lot. Catherine: And it still doesn't explain why you went to see Darin. Lawyer: Max, that is enough. Max Duncan: Well, I went to collect my share, but the money was gone. Darin was dead, and I panicked, but I didn't shoot him. You can't get me for murder on this. Brass: When someone is killed during the commission of a felony all the conspirators are liable. Catherine: Darin Hanson shot Adam Brower but you might as well have pulled the trigger. Lawyer: (looks at MAX DUNCAN) Let's make a deal. Brass: Tell me, who else was involved? Who killed Darin? Max Duncan: Look, Darin was the only one that I spoke to. I never even met the other three. Brass: Then we got no deal. Officer. (The OFFICER puts a hand on MAX DUNCAN'S shoulder. MAX DUNCAN and his LAWYER leaves with The OFFICER. BRASS sits down.) Brass: You know what? I kind of believe him. Catherine: Yeah, me, too. He confirmed a fourth. Darin plus three. Just like Laughlin. Brass: So, the last man standing killed Darin. Catherine: And he's still out there ... flush with cash and a .45 caliber. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB] (On screen are photo shots of the robbers from the surveillance video of the Laughlin robbery.) Archie Johnson: Surveillance stills from the laughlin heist. Four perps; we've identified three: Darin, Tammy and Adam. All deceased. Grissom: Yeah. All murdered. Archie Johnson: That leaves one. Sara: I.D. the "unknown", good chance we solve both cases: Laughlin and Vegas. Grissom: Except all we got is a gun in drag. Archie Johnson: (smiling) Well, that's why I'm here. (ARCHIE gets to work on the photos on screen.) Archie Johnson: I've divided the photo into segments removed the disguise and rebuilt the original image based on male physiological norms. Now, it's not exact but you'll have an idea of what your guy looks like. (SARA recognizes the man on screen.) Sara: That's Dustin Bale. Grissom: The clerk from the convenience store. Sara: Whoa. Hold on. He was killed hours before the tower club heist. In on Laughlin, out on Vegas. So, Darin took him out first. They cleared the register just to make it look like a robbery. Grissom: But the pit boss said it was Darin plus three. Sara: Because he knew there were four at the Laughlin heist. Grissom: Well, maybe he didn't know that the clerk wasn't there. He wasn't counting wigs. He was hiding under a blackjack table. Sara: And we're back to who killed Darin Hanson. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB] (CATHERINE and NICK walk into the lab.) Catherine: Bobby D. Bobby Dawson: Yeah? Catherine: We need your help. Bobby Dawson: Another round from the casino heist? Nick: Indirectly, yeah. (CATHERINE hands BOBBY the envelope. He takes the bullet out and looks at it.) Bobby Dawson: Well, tip didn't blossom. Not a hollow point, so it's not from Darin Hanson's gun. Nick: No, it's from his head. (BOBBY DAWSON looks at NICK, surprised. He weighs the bullet.) Bobby Dawson: All right, 230 grains gives us a .45 automatic. Catherine: What else? Bobby Dawson: Okay, normally, lands and grooves are highly delineated. (The monitor shows the side of the bullet.) These are smooth, polished, which means that your projectile was fired from a polygonal barrel. Be right back. (BOBBY goes into the cage and takes out two gun samples.) Bobby Dawson: These are the only types of .45 automatics with polygonal barrels. So, the gun that fired your bullet was either a Heckler & Koch USP or a Glock. (BOBBY looks at the bullet again.) Catherine: Narrow it further. Bobby Dawson: (smiling) Well, that's what I'm doing: Dissecting your bullet. Bobby Dawson: Hey, Nick. Nick: Mm-hmm. (BOBBY steps back and lets NICK count the stripes on the monitor.) Bobby Dawson: Count the stripes. Nick: One, two, three, four, five, six. Bobby Dawson: Six lands angroves with a right-hand twist. Nick: Mm-hmm. Bobby Dawson: Glock's got eight; Heckler and Koch-- six. You got your gun. Nick: Let's run ATF. Bobby Dawson: Pretty unique weapon. Expensive. Not exactly what you'd buy out of the back of a van. (He inputs the information into the database.) Bobby Dawson: Only take a second. (The printer beeps and prints the results.) Bobby Dawson: (smiling) See? Can I call it? Only 18 registered in-state. Ten in Clark County; seven of them still in circulation. (CATHERINE looks at the results.) Nick: Any names jumping off the page? Catherine: Just one. It's out of left field. About 75 miles out. (CATHERINE looks at NICK.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CLARK COUNTY - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. -- DAY] (BRASS, GRISSOM and CATHERINE question the State Trooper, OFFICER SPENCER.) Officer Spencer: You're accusing me of murder? Brass: And absconding with a quarter of mill stolen money. Catherine: Where did you stash the cash? Officer Spencer: I'm a state trooper. Brass: How does a cop hook up with an ex-con like Darin? Catherine: I can answer that. It's all in a day's work. (Quick flashback to: OFFICER SPENCER rides in his vehicle and sees the car parked outside the store. He hears the gunshot. He gets out of his vehicle and draws his gun. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: A potato silencer muffles a bullet but won't silence it. You went in your gun drawn. (Quick flashback to: OFFICER SPENCER enters the store with his gun drawn. He sees TAMMY FELTON behind the counter and DARIN HANSON points his gun at OFFICER SPENCER.) Darin Hanson: Take it easy, pal. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: You should have arrested them. But something happened, didn't it? My bet, Tammy made you an offer. (Quick flashback to: TAMMY FELTON walks around the counter carrying some cash.) Officer Spencer: Drop the weapon. Tammy Felton: Hey, uh, let's be smart about this. You can take us in or we can cut you in. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: They still had pockets full of cash from the Laughlin job. They offered you a finder's fee. (Quick flashback to: SPENCER looks at the cash that TAMMY FELTON holds out to him.) Officer Spencer: This isn't going to do it. Darin Hanson: It'll hold you over ... till tomorrow. Tammy Felton: Deal? (Cut to: TAMMY and DARIN walk across the parking lot toward their car. SPENCER leaves the store and flips the sign over on his way out. The door closes behind him.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (CATHERINE kneels and looks at SPENCER'S shoes and pants.) Officer Spencer: What are you doing? Catherine: You patrol on 97.5 square miles. Is the calnevari mine a part of your jurisdiction? Officer Spencer: No. I'm east of the mine. Grissom: But you've been there haven't you? (Quick flashback to: At the Calnevari mine, OFFICER SPENCER looks at the motorcycle. He draws his gun and approaches the shed. He opens the shed door and catches DARIN HANSON inside. He aims and shoots. He closes the door and looks around. He puts his gun back in his holster and leaves.) Brass: Where is the cash? (OFFICER SPENCER doesn't say anything.) Grissom: Jim, hit the overhead, will you? (BRASS turns the lights off.) Grissom: Silica is a crystal. It reflects the light. Even trace amounts will show up. (chuckles) Huh. How about that? (GRISSOM follows the silica trail into the hallway and into the locker room. He pushes the door open and follows it to the locker.) (He opens the locker. OFFICER SPENCER still doesn't say anything. He watches as GRISSOM finds the false bottom on the locker floor. He removes the locker and pulls out the bag with the money inside.) (SPENCER kneels down.) Officer Spencer: More than I'd make in a lifetime. Grissom: Was it worth it? Officer Spencer: You wouldn't understand. Catherine: That's right. We make the big bucks. Officer Spencer: Look -- I was never "that" guy. You know, that guy that wins the jackpots gets promoted, catches the breaks? It was right there. Brass: Yeah, well, you're still not that guy. Get him out of here. (The OFFICER escorts SPENCER out of the room.) Catherine: $250,000 turned a career cop bad. Grissom: Yeah, well, he had his price. Catherine: We all do. (GRISSOM turns to look at CATHERINE. She smiles at him. Camera holds on GRISSOM.)

Plan: A: a casino heist; Q: What type of crime is Grissom investigating? A: innocent victims; Q: What were shot during the casino heist? A: The evidence; Q: What has the CSI team drawing a correlation between the two crimes? A: the isolated desert convenience store; Q: Where was the clerk murdered? Summary: Grissom and his team investigate a casino heist during which innocent victims were shot, while Catherine and Sara are called to the scene of a murder in a remote part of the desert. The evidence found at both crime scenes -- the crowded local casino and the isolated desert convenience store where a clerk was murdered -- has the CSI team drawing a correlation between the two crimes.

At Emma's house. Her, her mom, and Mr. Simpson are eating dinner. Mrs. Nelson: Today was so crazy. Melissa called in sick again. Mr. Simpson: Uh huh. Mrs. Nelson: I forgot poor Mrs. Hursh under the dryer for an hour. Mr. Simpson: It is the time you found a junior stylist. Mrs. Nelson: I know. (They're touching hands. They look at Emma, who doesn't look happy) Mr. Simpson: So, Em, what are your plans for the big weekend? Got any hot dates? Emma: No, Mr. Simpson. (She breaks apart her chopsticks) Mrs. Nelson: Emma's been working really hard on her science fair project. Mr. Simpson: Oh great. What's it on again? Emma: The effect of healthy breakfast on school performance. The better you eat, the better you perform. Mr. Simpson: Sounds very impressive. Emma: Thanks, Mr. Simpson. (They look at each other) Mr. Simpson: Emma, um, Mr. Simpson is fine for school, but when we're here, I'd like it if you called me Archie. Emma: Would you pass the kun pow, Mr. Simpson? Outside Degrassi Emma is going stuff for her experiment. Manny is doing exercises. Emma blows her whistle so Manny stops. Manny: How many? Emma: Uh, 48. That's 14 more than you did last week, when you were eating junk. (She sees Mr. Simpson and she groans) Everytime I turn around, there he is. At home At school. Manny: Can you ever get too much Mr. Simpson? Emma: Uh, yeah. He came over again for dinner last night. And guess what he asked me? Manny: What? Emma: If I had any hot dates this weekend. Manny: Ew, gross. Emma: You want grosser? He wants me to call him by his first name, Archie. Manny: Does that make your mom Betty? Emma: I always thought she was more of a Veronica type. (She turns a blender on) Hallway Jimmy is holding Ellie's hand. Jimmy: We would have fun on a date. Guaranteed. (Spinner is watching as he eats a banana) All I need is your phone number. Ellie: Jimmy, your ex is my new best friend. You're cute, but no. (She walks away) PA: May I have your attention please? Senior students, please note that gym classes are cancelled today for junior science fair. (Jimmy stands up and goes over to Spinner) Jimmy: Story of my life, eh? Come on, let's go. Spinner: I can't, man. My bat, it's wooden. Jimmy: Sorry, my ears weren't plugged this morning, sorry. Spinner: I have a boner. Jimmy: Oh. Spinner: And it's been like this all week, a girl walks by, and bam! It's all 'cause of Emma's stupid science fair project. Jimmy: What does the project have to do with it? Spinner: She made me eat granola + fruit. Jimmy: Banana's don't give you boners, hormones do. Spinner: All I know is I ate some healthy food and now I'm like the s*x Superman. Jimmy: You're a superfreak. Let's go. Spinner: Jimmy, I'm still in the red, remember? Jimmy: I don't know why I'm doing this. Here. (Hands him a binder) Spinner: Binder boner shield. Nice. (Gets up with the binder there) Grade 8 Science Class. They're working on their science fair projects. Ms. H: All right, remember the fair is tomorrow at 9 sharp. Well, looks like some of you are almost finished. (She's walking around) And looking around the room, it looks like some of you are lagging behind. Does anyone need any help? JT: Yes please, Ms. Hatzilakos. (She goes to help him) Manny: Em, your project is gonna be so awesome. I can't believe how much work you did. (She puts some kind of helmet thing on Toby) You are so gonna win. Liberty: Um, no. My project on the effects of life deprivation on household plants is so detailed, so thorough, it impresses even me. Sorry. Manny: Don't let her bug you. Emma: It's not her. It's my project. It's not working. Two of the kids did better eating junk food (Liberty is listening to her and smiling). Manny: Really, who? Emma: Spinner Mason. And guess who else? (They look at JT, who spilled some of his stuff on Ms. H) JT: Sorry. (They're staring at him. Toby looks too. JT looks at Toby and tells him to look at Ms. H. Toby takes off his helmet) Sorry. Hallway Emma goes over to JT and Toby. JT: Whoa, what I do now? Emma: You did better after eating junk. You faked my test and you ruined my project. JT: Moi? Why would I do that? I only did your stupid project for the free food. Emma: Well there's no other explanation. Toby: Sure there is. The health food you eat for breakfast stinks. JT: Yeah, and it's trying to escape. (He burps. Emma leaves. Toby burps.) Hallway Emma is trying to find Spinner Spinner: I'm not eating any more granola. Emma: You don't have to. You already messed up my project. Spinner: You messed up my life. Your health food un-released the beast within. (He turns around bumps into Ellie) Ellie: Spinner, open your eyes. Spinner: Sorry, Ellie. (He puts the binder there again. Emma looks at him) I have to go now. Emma: Wait. I want to go over these results with you. Spinner! (He walks away. She groans and puts her books on her head and walks away) Emma's Her mom and Mr. Simpson are watching TV while Emma is working on her project in the kitchen. Mr. Simpson: You want some ice cream? Mrs. Nelson: Yeah. Mr. Simpson: Yeah? Mrs. Nelson: Yeah. Mr. Simpson: I'll go get some. Mrs. Nelson: Okay. He gets up and goes in the kitchen. Mr. Simpson: (Opens the freezer) So, how's the project? (Gets the ice cream and closes it) Emma: How does to look? A disaster. Mr. Simpson: (Gets spoons) What's the matter? Emma: JT and Spinner are the matter. My hypothesis fell apart. Mr. Simpson: You know Einstein said that imagination is more key than knowledge. Maybe you need to get a little creative. (Mrs. Nelson is listening and smiling) Look at things from another angle. Emma: Gee, that's helpful. How handy it is to have you right here in my house. (Mrs. Nelson's smile disappears) Mr. Simpson: Well I guess we'll leave you to it then. Good night Emma. (He leaves the room) Degrassi - The Science fair JT: Mr. Raditch, I give you, the woman of the future. Mr. R: (Picks up the project) Do I want to know what this is? JT: It's a replace for silicon in breast implants. 100% natural. (He picks them both up) Made of water, flour, and lard. (Puts them on his chest) Toby: Uh, Mr. Raditch, would you like to see my project? Mr. R: Yes, please. (He goes over to Toby) Toby: Surveillance: Friend or Foe? Emma + Manny Emma: My project was gonna be so good. (Manny is eating a candy bar. She offers some to Emma) Chocolate in the morning? Manny: I know it's not good for me, but it tastes like happy. Emma: Manny, what did you say? Manny: It tastes like happy. Why? Emma: Manny, you are brillant! (She leaves the room) Manny: Thank you. Media Immersion Emma erases her title: A Virtue Of A Healthy Breakfast. She changes it to The Mind/Body Connection. She prints it + smiles as she does. She runs back to the fair. Science Fair Liberty: (She's pointing at everything with a red light pen) Hour 147, notice a lack of green on the fern. Hour 148, even the cactus is beginning to dry out. Hour 140... Mr. Simpson: Thank you Liberty. That'll do. Liberty: But there's 52 more hours. Mr. Simpson: Oh, I'm sure there are. If only we had enough time. (They go over to Emma's) Liberty: Two of her subjects produced irregular results. Plus she's not even here. Emma: (She runs in) Wait! Sorry. (Puts the new title up) Last minute burst of inspiration. Mr. Simpson: No problem at all. Emma: You're judging? Mr. Simpson: Yup. And I can't wait to hear about your inspiration, so, go ahead. Emma: Okay, for my project, I set out to prove that healthy food is good for you, but as scientists, we must remember the human factor. Take JT Yorke, for example. (Shows JT and his results) His results threw me, until I realized that chocolate and burritos make him happy. Better mood, better performance. Liberty: What about Spinner Mason? How do you explain his results? (Shows Spinner) Emma: Margin of error. It makes sense, since it is Spinner. Mr. Simpson: That's a very original project. (He walks away. Emma smiles) Hallway Spinner opens up his locker. He takes pictures of girls that are in his locker. Jimmy comes up to him. Jimmy: Oh I love those girls. Spinner: Yeah, me too. I really love them. Jimmy: Still in the red zone? (Spinner nods. He takes out some food) What are you doing? Spinner: (Shuts his locker) Fighting the health food molecules. Chemicals and preservatives are the antidote. Jimmy: It's not the health food molecules giving you boners, you realize that? Spinner: How do you know? Jimmy: Because that's stupid. Spinner: You're stupid. Man, all I have to do is get back my chemical enriched metabolism and I'll be back to my old self. (They have arrived to class) Ms. Kwan: We're waiting for you to begin. Could you two move any slower? (She takes Spinner's food. They all go in) Science Fair They're awarding the prizes. Nadia: Maybe, one day, people will realize that the wolf is actually our friend. Thank you. (Everyone claps) Ms. H: Congratulations once again, to Nadia, for winning first prize in the grade seven class. And now, for our final award, junior science fair first prize. (Liberty moves the crowd because she thinks she won) Liberty: Hope the engraver spelt my name right. Excuse me. Ms. H: And it goes to...Emma Nelson, for Mind/Body Connection. (Everyone claps. Liberty looks confused that she lost. Emma goes to get her prize) Congratulations. Mr. Simpson: All right Emma! (Emma smile disappears when she hears him) Woo hoo! (He claps) Manny: (Whispers to Liberty) You are so jealous. Liberty: I'm not jealous. I'm appalled. Teacher's pet wins again. (Emma smiles and holds up the trophy) Cafeteria Spinner: Okay. I've been thinking, you know, about my condition. Jimmy: Do we have to talk about this? Spinner: Okay, look, it's not all bad. Inconvenient, yes, but it does have its' upside. Jimmy: What? Spinner: Well, whatever's giving me boners is turning me into a major chick magnet. (To girls walking by) Hey. And girls have been looking at me, different. Jimmy: (Sips his soda) Different, like you're crazy. Spinner: (Moves his tray) Now, take this. (He means the food on the tray) Sheila let me take this stuff for free. She even complimented me on my ensemble. Hey. (He waves at Sheila. Jimmy looks at her. She waves back) Jimmy: What's your point? Spinner: That the female race is a slave for Spinner. So why fight it? Fruit and only fruit from now on. (He bites into an apple. He gives Jimmy an orange) Grade 8 Media Immersion Everyone is talking. Mr. Simpson: (He whistles) Okay! We all had fun at the science fair, but back to business. Mother boards. Now as you can see this one has no front side bus. It's practically an antique. Now the term bus actually comes from a similarity to a city bus that drops off and picks up riders. The same in a computer. When you turn the computer on the bus drives along and signals are dropped off or picked up to the devices attached to the line. Like the hard drive or a CD-ROM drive or any other... (As he talks Emma and Manny type messages. The first one says, "Archie Simpson loves high-tech." The second one says, "Archie Simpson loves Emma's Mom. When Manny sends that to Emma, the whole class gets it. ) Now what happens if the bus misses a device, can't just walk to the next stop, right? Anyone have any ideas? Manny: Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Emma: Manny! Manny: I'm sorry. (When Toby sees it, He elbows JT) JT: Oh Lordy. Mr. Simpson: Emma? What's wrong? Emma: Don't look at your e-mail. (Liberty gets a grin on her face. Mr. Simpson goes to his computer) Mr. Simpson: Ms. Santos, you'll see me immediately after class. Hallway Jimmy is in the hall. He sees Ellie give Spinner her number. Spinner: Thank you. I'll be calling you. (Ellie leaves.) Jimmy: Ellie's number? Spinner: Yeah. (Jimmy takes his basketball and slams Spinner up against a locker with it) What? Okay. Okay. Jimmy, I'm a lover not a fighter (He pushes the ball away. He tries to leave, but Jimmy pushes him back). Okay. Okay. Okay. Listen, evolution class. Charles Derwin said that man has to spread his seeds to survive. So dating Ellie is just part of my human duty. Jimmy: It's Darwin. The guy's name is Darwin, there's no Derwin. Spinner: Whatever. Oh and uh, have you ever considered changing your diet, because with a little health food, this could have been yours. (He leaves. The bell rings) [SCENE_BREAK] Girls Washroom Manny: And now I have to write a 1,000 word essay on internet privacy. (Liberty comes out of a stall) Liberty: So it's true? Emma: Simpson is dating my mom? Yes. Liberty: And now everyone knows. Embarrassing. (She takes out floss) Of course, I was a victim of gossip last year, so I sympathize. Emma: Thanks, Liberty. Liberty: Your welcome. So let's talk about what you're going to do. Emma: About what? Liberty: There was a judging basis in your favor. Simpson's dating your mom. Emma: So? Liberty: So his basis doesn't bother you? Manny: Don't listen to her, Em. Liberty: She can make up her own mind. It should bother you, because you, Emma Nelson, are a woman of conscience. One simple solution. Turn in the award. (She zips her bag and leaves) Media Immersion Emma goes in. Mr. Simpson is doing something to the computer before his class starts. Emma: Mr. Simpson. Mr. Simpson: I know what happened with Manny was unfortunate. Emma: Yeah, but it was a mistake. We're both sorry about it. Mr. Simpson: Okay, fair enough. (She doesn't leave) Anything else, Em? Emma: So I don't get punished, just Manny? Mr. Simpson: She sent the e-mail. Emma: Yeah, but I told her about you and mom. Mr. Simpson: There's nothing to hide, Em. What's this all about? Emma: Kids are talking that I won the award because of favoritism. (His class starts coming in) Mr. Simpson: What? Emma: Well it's true. When guys like you date single moms, they always try to bribe the kids. Mr. Simpson: Guys like me? We need to discuss this later. Emma: No, we're going to discuss this now. Mr. Simpson: Emma, class is about to start. Emma: I don't care. You're basist, just admit it, Archie! (The class starts to laugh) Mr. Simpson: Emma, you won the award on your own merits. The runner-up, Liberty Van Zandt, made a strong effort, but the judges thought it lacked flair. Yours was exciting and original. Emma: (Mocking him) Original, exciting. Of course that's what you're going to say. Mr. Simpson: Because it's the truth! And I'm not the only one who felt that way. Look at the judging sheets. (She takes the sheets and sighs.) Ms. Kwan's Grade 9 English Class Ms. Kwan: Okay, enough time left for improve. We need two volunteers. Nominees? Jimmy: Um, I'm going to go with Paige... (She gets up) and Spinner. (Everyone claps) Spinner: Don't. You know I can't. Jimmy. (Paige pulls him up to the front) Ms. Kwan: What's the situation? Jimmy: Situation? Uh, Spinner's delivering a package, and Paige is a lonely housewife. Very lonely. Spinner: Uh, Miss. I have a package for you. Paige: I'll bet you do, big boy. Spinner: Uh, yeah. So just take it and sign, okay? Paige: (She grabs his arm as he tries to leave) What's the hurry, you big handsome hunk of man? Why don't you, uh, bring that package in for a little drink? Spinner: Uh, no. No. I can't, because, uh, because I hate you. (He tries to leave again) Paige: I won't sign, unless you come in for something. (He turns around) Ms. Kwan: Gavin, we need to see your face so we can hear you. Spinner: Uh, Ms. Kwan, I can't. (She turns him around. When she does everyone laughs at him, so he leaves the room) Paige: Okay that is why no one should ever wear track pants. Cafeteria Spinner is sitting at a table by himself with his head down, when Jimmy sits with him. Jimmy: Hey Spin. And how is little Spinner doing today? What are you still in the red? Spinner: Little Spinner is hiding. And you should be too, because I'm gonna kill you. Jimmy: Come on. It was funny. Spinner: Yeah, for you. For me, it was just, brutal. Jimmy: You can't spend the rest of your hormonal life like this. Spinner: Okay, it's not my fault. It is the health food. Jimmy: For the last time, food has nothing to do with it. Uh, Sheila. Can you come here for a second? (She goes over to them) Sheila: What can I do for you ladies? Jimmy: Um, question. Does food, health food, help get men in the mood? Sheila: Well they say clams do, but I cooked them up for my hubby and all he got was gas. Jimmy: Okay, um, say you knew this teenager and he was always in the red, would food have anything to do with it? Sheila: Food? (She laughs) You've got to be kidding. At your age, it's all about hormones. Jimmy: (To Spinner) See? Sheila: Ah, don't worry Jimmy. It's just a stage. A hormonal hiccup. It'll pass. (She lightly hits him on the chin and leaves) Jimmy: I, I can't believe she thinks it's me. Spinner: Well, I mean, why not? Well it's all about the hormones, right? It can happen to anyone. That Night - Emma's House Mrs. Nelson: I never win anything. Mr. Simpson: Well you must be on a streak. First me, now the centerpiece. (She laughs. He sees Emma) Hey Emma. I should probably get going. Emma: Mr. Simpson? Can I talk to you first? (He goes to her and sits down) I was a bit of a freak today. Mr. Simpson: You were concerned. Your mom and I put you in an uncomfortable situation. Emma: No kidding. Mr. Simpson: Would've been nice if you hadn't done it in front of my class. You know I do care about your mother. Emma: No, it's not about that. It's about me and school and everyone thinking I'm your little pet. Mr. Simpson: I promise I will treat you exactly the way I treat everyone else. Emma: That won't matter. People think what they wanna think. Mr. Simpson: I don't know. Maybe we should transfer you out of my class. Emma: No. Mr. Simpson: Or your mom and I should stop dating. Emma: I don't want that either. Mr. Simpson: You know, I was proud of you today. The way you saved your project at the very last second, it was very, very cool and very deserving of first place, okay? Emma: Okay. Thanks, Snake. Mr. Simpson: No problem, Emmers. Emma: Archibald. Mr. Simpson: Emmalada. Emma: The Snakester.

Plan: A: Emma; Q: Who doesn't want people to know that Mr. Simpson is dating her mother? A: first place; Q: What does Emma hope to win at the Science Fair? A: Spinner; Q: Who is having trouble controlling his erections? A: fruit; Q: What does Spinner start eating? A: the girls; Q: Who is giving Spinner more attention? Summary: Emma doesn't want people to know that Mr. Simpson is dating her mother as she hopes to win first place at the Science Fair. Meanwhile, Spinner is having trouble controlling his erections and starts eating fruit after he begins getting more attention from the girls.

[ Aredelle - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Three little girls are playing and laughing in a land. They are running after a kite.) Helga: Ingrid, hurry! It drifted over here! Ingrid: It's ruined. Gerda: No, it's not. The ribbon is still beautiful. It would look lovely in my hair. Helga: No, Gerda. It would look lovely in my hair. Gerda: It was my idea! Helga: I saw the kite first. Ingrid: I should have it. I'm the oldest, after all. Gerda: So? Ingrid: So, one day I shall be Queen. And this is befitting a Queen. A man: I see you've found my kite. Gerda: I'm so sorry. We didn't know. But we didn't break it. We found it this way. A man: That's all right. It wasn't worth much. And besides, I've got my eyes on a much bigger prize. Such pretty Royal Princesses will fetch an equally pretty royal penny! Helga: What are you doing?! Gerda: Help! A man: Don't even try it, little one. Ingrid: Let my sisters go! (Ingrid freezes a branch) Gerda: Aah! A man: You're a monster! (The branch falls on the man.) Helga: Ingrid. What's going on? Ingrid: I don't know. Stay back. I don't want to hurt you. Gerda: You saved us. Ingrid: He called me a monster. Helga: He was trying to take us. He's the monster. Ingrid: But look what I did to him. Helga: Whatever you did, you had no choice. Ingrid: But I had no control over it. What am I supposed to do if it happens again? And how am I supposed to be a queen? What will happen when people find out? Helga: They won't find out. It will be our secret. No one has to know. We'll help you figure out how to control it... Whatever it is. Ingrid: You'll help me? Gerda: We're your sisters. Of course we'll help you. And we will never look at you as a monster. Helga: That's right, Gerda. Everyone take a ribbon. This is our sisterly pact. As long as we hold these ribbons, we will be there for each other. Gerda: We will never be alone. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (The Snow Queen enters into the library. She gets to the clock tower. The puts her mirror on the wall.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina is at her vault. Robin enters.) Robin: Hello, Regina. Regina: I told you it was best to stay away. The only way Marian is going to live is if you give her a kiss of true love. Robin: I know. Regina: Then why are you here? Robin: Honestly... I don't know. My mind was in the forest, but my heart took me here. Regina: Robin... You have to save her. Robin:Because it's the right thing to do? Regina: Because she's your wife. And seeing you here and hearing about your conflicted heart? It's torture. Robin: For that, I'm sorry. But I can't just fall back in love with Marian... Not when you're in my life. Regina: Which is why I can't be in your life. Robin: You're right! But that doesn't change the fact that... I don't know what to do! Regina: You need to forget about me... And start thinking about her. (Regina leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] (At the sheriff's station.) Emma: Belle found something in here... A spell. It may be able to work against the Snow Queen. Elsa: You don't mean kill her? Emma: No. No one's killing anyone. It's just... Neutralize her powers. Maybe. Elsa: Can you read this? Emma: Elvish? No, I didn't even see "Lord of The Rings." Never mind. Belle translated it. It tells us how to enact the spell. Elsa: "With both hands, hold the candle and then use your magic to light it. And then when you blow on it..." Emma: Then bam, she's right back to selling ice cream. My guess is business will be down. Elsa: Maybe without her powers we can talk to her. We can find Anna. We can get some real answers. Emma: Does your sister have magic? Elsa: No, and I think that's why the Snow Queen is so interested in you. Emma: Yeah. Elsa: Does anyone in your family have magic? Emma: No. Elsa: It's hard when they look at you differently, isn't it? Emma: They don't. Elsa: You're lucky. Okay. Should we try this? (Emma tries the spell and fail.) Elsa: I'm sorry. Should we try again? Emma: Later. I have to meet Mary Margaret. I'm supposed to babysit tonight. Elsa: Life goes on. Emma: We'll find her. Elsa: It's okay. Go. I'll be here. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the new mother session group.) The mothers: Goodbye, Alex, goodbye, Neal, goodbye, Phillip. It's time for us to go. Yay! Ashley: That wasn't so bad for a first week, huh? Okay, moms, next time, we're gonna sing more songs. So I've burned you all a CD. Oh. Aurora: What's a CD? Mary Margaret: Oh. She's new. Well, a CD player is sort of like a music box. There is one underneath your TV here at Granny's. Aurora: I dare not touch that devil box. I won't make that mistake twice. Mary Margaret: Emma, you missed the goodbye song. Emma: I got the gist of it from the title. Emma: Is baby bro ready? Mary Margaret: Yes. Oh, just a few things... Uh, diaper bag, stroller, milk. Emma: He sure has a lot of stuff. Mary Margaret: Well, I wanted to give him everything. Ashley: Emma! Emma: Oh, Ashley, look at you the baby whisperer. Ashley: What can I say? I just took to it. Now, if you need help getting him to sleep, just tell him he's gonna turn into a pumpkin by midnight. Emma: So, this is what you do here... You give sleeping tips and sing songs, and... Ashley: Oh, it's more than just that. It's like having a support group. I mean, being a first-time mother is not easy. Emma: First-time mother. Mary Margaret: Emma, of course... I'm not a first-time mother. Emma: Well, you kind of are. You've never raised a baby before. You just put one through a magical wardrobe. Mary Margaret: Emma! Emma: It's okay. I get it. It's all new for you. This is exciting... "Mommy and me" classes and songs and first steps and all. It must be really exciting. W-what? Aurora: The bottle. (The milk is being boilled.) Emma: Oh. Uh... It's just, you know, magic. I've been practicing to try to capture the Snow Queen. And I guess I must just still be a little revved up. Okay. (Emma wants to hold her brother but Mary Margaret stopes her. Emma's phone rings.) Emma: Hello? David: Emma, there's something going on at the clock tower. There's a trail going upstairs. A frozen trail. Emma: The Snow Queen. She still up there? David: The trail goes up, doesn't come down. Emma: All right. I'll be right there. The Snow Queen is in the clock tower. I guess I'll have to take a rain check on babysitting. (Emma leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma and Elsa enter into the tower. The Snow Queen is here.) Emma: Hey! (The Snow Queen attacks Emma.) Emma:Aah! Elsa: Emma, now! (Emma traps the Snow Queen with the spell.) Elsa:You did it. Emma: Yeah. I guess I did. The Snow Queen: You got me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Aredelle - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Gerda and Helga are preparing for the bal.) Ingrid: Oh, Gerda, Helga. You both look so beautiful. Helga: Get up, Ingrid. Come on. Join us. Ingrid: It's better this way. Helga: Father would be so pleased. He only turns 70 once. We should be united. Ingrid: I'll wish him a Happy Birthday, but we all know it's better if I disappear before anyone sees me. Helga: How many years can you do this? How many years can you hide? Ingrid: As many years as I'm afflicted. Helga: You're not "afflicted." Don't you want to dance? Have fun? Gerda: She's right. It's not good for the future queen to be so elusive. Helga: You mustn't always think the worst. Ingrid: I'm thinking the best... For you. Don't you have a suitor coming? And isn't he a Duke... No less? And aren't you going to introduce him to father? Helga: I want you to meet him, too, Ingrid. Ingrid: Someday. But for now, you're my sister, and I don't want risk ruining a special moment for you. Go. Both of you, have fun. I'll be all right. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the bal.) Helga: Father, I would like you to meet my new friend, the Duke. The Duke: An honor, Your Majesty. The King: A Duke. What brings you to Arendelle? The Duke: I'm on a diplomatic mission, part of a semi-permanent envoy. I shall be staying for quite some time. The King: Welcome to my Kingdom. Do you find it to your liking? The Duke: She's beautiful. Um... Um, uh... It's beautiful. Yes, I like it here. It's lovely. As is your daughter. I'm humbled she would even consider a dance with me. I mean... Would she? Helga: I would consider it. The King: It always starts with a dance. (Helga dances with the Duke. Ingrid shows up. She looks at her sisters. She envies them.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (The Snow Queen is locked in the questioning room. Emma and Elsa enter.) Emma: All right, Queenie, time to talk. The Snow Queen: Ooh. You should get that looked at, Emma. Emma: Oh, now you want to play nice? The Snow Queen: With you two? Don't you understand, that's all I've ever wanted. Elsa: We don't care what you want. Where is Anna? She's alive. We know it. We heard her heartbeat. The Snow Queen: You heard her heartbeat? Elsa: From Bo Peep's Crook. The Snow Queen: Sounds like someone's grasping at straws about their long-lost sister. Elsa: What happened to her? The Snow Queen: I'm not sure you should care. I told you... She's the one who put you in that urn. I have no idea why you'd want to find someone like that. Elsa: Because she is my sister and she would never do what you say. The Snow Queen: Or she's your sister and she couldn't handle what you... What we... Are, and she did exactly as I say. Elsa: No! Emma: Elsa. Please. Take it easy. She's getting under your skin. Don't let your emotions cloud your judgment. If we want answers, we have to be calm. Elsa: She knows what happened to Anna. Emma: And we're gonna figure it all out. You go help David and Hook try to figure out how to take apart her mirror. I got this. Elsa: Emma... Emma: I got it. (Elsa leaves.) Emma: Okay. Now it's just me. The Snow Queen: Good. You're the one I wanted to talk to anyway. Emma: Yeah, yeah. I know. You want me to turn to the dark side and be your... Sister-buddy-something or other. I'm not interested. The Snow Queen: I'm so proud of you, Emma. Emma: No, that's not gonna work. I know that we have a past, which we're gonna get into. But you're not gonna push my buttons. The Snow Queen: I'm being completely sincere. Use your super power... You'll see I'm telling the truth. Emma: How do you know about that? The Snow Queen: You told me. When you were a child. What a lovely child you were. I am so grateful I got to know you then. Emma: Don't talk to me like we're friends. The Snow Queen: We're not friends, Emma. We're family. Emma: I know that's what you want, but whatever past we had... The past you stole from me... I know enough to tell you about the future. And what you want? It ain't gonna happen, sister. The Snow Queen: Oh, but it will. You see, at the end of the day, you'll understand that everything that I've been saying is true. And then you'll do the last thing in the world you'd think possible right now. Emma: Yeah? What's that? The Snow Queen: You're going to let me go. Now, then... What would you like to talk about? [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina is reading the storybook in her library. Henry enters.) Henry: Hey, mom. Could you help me with this thing? Regina: Well, look at you all dressed up. What's the occasion? Henry: I'm getting married. Work. With grandpa. At the shop. He said if I was gonna learn the family business, I'd have to represent the family business. Which would be fine if it didn't also mean wearing a tie. Regina: Well, I think you look very handsome. Henry: So, what happened? Regina: What do you mean? Henry: You were tearing through the book with your scary face on. Did something happen with Robin Hood? Regina: No. I'm just... I'm moving on. Whatever he and I had, it's over. I just need to let it go. Henry: I'm sorry, mom. Regina: But the next time a happy ending knocks on my door, I'm gonna be ready. I'm not gonna let this book stop me again. From now on... Operation Mongoose is my main focus. We will find the author. Henry: Good. And I have a few ideas about where to look for clues next in the shop. Regina: Now get to work. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the questioning room.) Emma: So, the spell of shattered sight. Pretty impressive stuff. The Snow Queen: What does it matter? You stopped me. Emma: That's right. I did. We know who you are. We know what you're planning. And we know that for some sick, twisted reason, you want Elsa and me to replace your long-lost sisters. The Snow Queen: Well, then, you have all your answers. May I retire to my cell now? Emma: No. I want to know why. Why have you been tracking me my whole life? The Snow Queen: I was trying to protect you, Emma. Emma: Is that what you were doing in the foster home, protecting me? So why did you erase my memories? Because they were just too good? The Snow Queen: Every family has their ups and downs. Emma: You see, no, you and I... We are not family. I have one of those, and it spans three generations and 400 years. The Snow Queen: Family isn't about blood. It is a bond far stronger than mere genetics. Elsa and I are your real family because we are the only ones like you. We belong together. The family that you think you have... They may love you, but they also fear you. Emma: No. They don't. The Snow Queen: You've never seem them wince at your power?bYou've never seen a twinge of panic just behind their eyes? Not even once? I find that hard to believe. Emma: They love me for who I am, including my powers. The Snow Queen:I thought that once, too, Emma. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Aredelle - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (In the sisters's bedroom.) Helga: Ingrid, you have to taste this. The royal Baker really outdid himself. What are you doing? Ingrid: I was hoping to be gone before you returned. Helga: Nonsense. You were perfectly fine when we left you. What happened? Ingrid: I went to the party. Gerda: You did? We didn't see you there. Ingrid: I saw you. I watched you dancing and laughing. You looked so vibrant and... And free. I'm not meant for such things, Helga. I've accepted that. When I'm gone, you'll both be able to have the normal lives that you deserve. Your compassion and strength will make you a wonderful leader, Helga. You are the Queen that Arendelle deserves. Helga: Ingrid, stop this right now. Ingrid: I can't control my power. It's too strong. I don't want to hurt anyone. Helga: Remember what we promised, Ingrid. We will never abandon each other. Gerda: I think I know someone who can help. Helga: What did you say, Gerda? Gerda: I've heard whispers of a man, a sorcerer, who might be powerful enough to control Ingrid's powers. Ingrid: Where does this sorcerer live? Gerda: He lives in a land called Misthaven. And his name... Is Rumplestiltskin. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At the clock tower.) Hook: This is what we've been worried about? Shouldn't it be shaking or doing something evil? Elsa: Agreed. It feels like just a harmless looking glass to me. Belle: I've found nothing to counteract the spell yet. Hey, stop! Do not look in that thing. It'll make you see the worst in yourself. Emma: It must be broken. I've been staring at it all day, and I think I'm even more devilishly handsome and charming than usual. Belle: Uh... Th-this isn't the same mirror. Elsa: Why would the Snow Queen risk coming all the way out here to plant a fake mirror? David: Because she wanted to get caught. (David and Hook run.) [SCENE_BREAK] (In the questioning room, the Snow Queen uses her power to freeze the doors of the sherif's station. David, Hook, Belle and Elsa arrive.) David: Emma! Emma! [SCENE_BREAK] (At Granny, Robin plays darts. He misses the target. He drinks. Will enters into the restaurant. He sees Robin and tries to leave but Robin stops him with a dart.) Will: I can explain. Robin: No need. Another for me. And one for Mr. Will Scarlet. Will: I really do want to make amends, you know, for what I did to you and the Merry Men at Sherwood Forest. Robin: You nearly got us all killed. Will: Nearly. Surely that's worth something? Robin: Because of a woman. And where is she now? Sorry. Will: I chose my path. Sometimes even when you win, you lose. Robin: I ever tell you about how I met Marian? Will: Only about three dozen times. Robin: I stole her father's horse. Will: Three dozen and one. Robin: I was just a two-bit thief in those days. I didn't even need it. Already had two horses back at the camp. Will: And that night, you woke to an arrow pointed at your head. Robin: Her family, she said, were poor farmers. The little that they had was held together by that prized steed. I didn't say a word as she rode off that night. And the next day, I returned to her cottage... Will: With two of your own horses as a gift to her family. And from that day forward, you never stole for yourself again. From that day forward, you only stole from the rich and give to the poor. Robin: She made me the man I am today, Will. I need to remember that. Will: It wasn't easy for her, you know. Living like an outlaw. I asked her once how she gave up everything to be with you. Do you know what she told me? Robin: What? Will: She said, "there's good in him, Will. And when you see the good in someone, you don't give up on them... Especially if they don't see it themselves. And if you're ever lucky enough to find true love, you fight for it every day. Robin: Do you still believe that? After everything you did for love? Was it worth it? Will: Mate, if you find someone you love enough to ruin your entire life for, it's always worth it. [SCENE_BREAK] (At Mr Gold's shop.) Henry: Okay, I've swept the floor twice. Don't you think it's time I learned something a bit more... Magical? Mr Gold: Well, Henry, today is your lucky day. Because I am gonna give you a potion that possesses the power to transform something old into something new. Henry: What kind of potion is that? Mr Gold: Furniture Polish. You can start in the back. Don't touch anything you shouldn't. (David, Hook and Belle enters.) Mr Gold: Ah, this kind of procession never bodes well. David: The Snow Queen iced over the locks of the Sheriff's Station. Emma's trapped inside with her. Belle: We need your help, Rumple. You must be able to get us in there. Please. Please. Mr Gold: How could I turn down the pleas of my beloved wife? After you. (Belle and David leaves.) Hook: All right, Crocodile. What's your game? The last two villains that came into town tried to kill you. But you seem rather unconcerned by this one. Makes a man wonder if you two have a history. Mr Gold: You can wonder all you like, dearie. My history... My business. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At the Dark One's castle.) Rumplestiltskin: Ice powers, you say? Ingrid: And snow. Rumplestiltskin: My, my. How intriguing. And such a rare gift. Why would you ever want to give it up? Perhaps I could interest you in lessons instead? Ingrid: No. I want to stop them. We heard that you were the greatest collector of magic in all the Land. You must have something that can help. Rumplestiltskin: Well, of course I do, dearie. The thing I don't understand is why you need me when you already have all the help you could possibly ask for. Ingrid: What do you mean? Rumplestiltskin: True love comes in many forms. But the sisterly bond... Oh! Worth its weight in magic. Ingrid: My powers are too strong. I need something to control them. Rumplestiltskin: Well, if you insist. Just remember. Love is free. But all magic comes with a price. (He makes appears gloves.) Rumplestiltskin: These gloves can help conceal your powers. Ingrid: And stop them? Rumplestiltskin:Well, only if you believe it. Faith can be powerful. But for those who lack it, well, sometimes another solution is required. (He shows their a urn.) Rumplestiltskin:Think of this as your fail-safe. If things get too chilly, simply pop the top and in you go. All your powers will be contained, and all of the Realms shall be safe from you. Problem solved. (Ingrid is about to take the urn.) Rumplestiltskin: I don't know how you do things in Arendelle, dearie, but here a deal requires an exchange of goods. What I want is, uh... These lovely ribbons... All three. Ingrid: Our ribbons? But they're just silly little things we've worn since we were children. Rumplestiltskin:Sometimes, with enough love, ordinary objects can come to possess their own special kind of magic. Helga: Ingrid, no. Gerda: We can't give them up. It's not right. Ingrid: I-I-it's just a symbol. It's not strong enough. I need something that will guarantee that I never hurt anyone again. Like, he said, a fail-safe. Helga: We are your fail-safe, Ingrid. Rumplestiltskin: Do we have a deal? Ingrid: I'm sorry. It's not enough. (They take off their ribbons.) Rumplestiltskin: Deal, deal, deal. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At the questioning room.) The Snow Queen: It's understandable you feel upset. Emma: Now you think you know how I feel? The Snow Queen: I know you better than you know yourself, Emma. Emma: Yeah, because you took... Ahat?... A year from my life? The Snow Queen: When you lived with me, you talked about your parents all the time. You were so angry with them for giving you up. Emma: They had a good reason for that. I know that now. The Snow Queen: It doesn't change the fact that you felt unwanted for 28 years. Emma: They didn't have a choice. The Snow Queen: There is always a choice, Emma. They could have kept you. They could have figured out something else. They could have tried. Emma: They did what they could to save an entire Kingdom. The Snow Queen: You were their only child. And they used you to break a curse. They're still using your powers. Emma: That's not true. The Snow Queen: Isn't it? How many times have you saved them? How often have you felt more like a "Saviour" than their daughter? And all it takes is one tiny mistake, one accident, and you and your powers go from being their salvation to their worst nightmare. Emma: You don't know them or me. The Snow Queen: I don't have to know you, Emma. I've been you... Different, misunderstood, alone. And now they've chosen to have a new child. And don't you think that they thank their lucky stars every day that he was born normal? Emma: They love me. The Snow Queen: You can't love somebody you don't understand. And do you know what happens when people don't understand something? They learn to fear it. And then they look at it like a monster! Emma: Shut up! (Emma blows up the wall.) Emma: W-what did you do to me? The Snow Queen: Ah. (The Snow Queen frees herself.) The Snow Queen: All I did is show you who you really are. Emma: M-make it stop. The Snow Queen: I can't. It's you, Emma, and... It's beautiful. (The Snow Queen leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma gets out from the questioning room. She's in shock.) Emma: What have I done? David: Emma! You all right? (The other comes.) Mary Margaret: We were so worried. Emma: Wait! Mr Gold: Seems you didn't need my help after all. Hook: Swan, what did that monster do to the Sheriff's Station? Emma: The "monster" who did this was not the Snow Queen. It was me. David: What? Emma: Just keep your distance. I don't know if I can control myself. I don't want to hurt anyone. Hook: Swan. Mr Gold: We should heed her words. Elsa: Emma, we can help. Emma: Just stay away! Let me go! (Emma uses her powers and a light falls down.) Belle: Ooh. Emma: Watch out! (David pushes Hook and the light falls on him.) Mary Margaret: David! Emma! Emma... Emma, wait. Please come back. Hook: Swan! Henry: Mom! Mary Margaret: It's okay! Emma! (Emma takes her car and runs away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Aredelle - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (In the castle's garden.) The Duke: Ah, the Golden Crocus. A mysterious flower that blooms only for those who are willing to wait. I don't believe we've had the pleasure. Ingrid: Ingrid. You must be here for Helga. I'll go and fetch her for you. The Duke: Yeah, I-I'd heard rumors of this mysterious third sister, but I had to see her for myself. Ingrid: Oh. The Duke: The stories did not lie. You are more beautiful and intriguing than I could have ever imagined. Did I say that out loud? Of course I did. Oh, you are enchanting. (He tries to kiss her.) Ingrid: Oh, no. Don't do this. The Duke: Helga will never know. Ingrid: She loves you. The Duke: But it's you that I want, you mysterious flower... The Queen to be. (He holds her.) Ingrid: No, no, no, no, no, no! Get back! (She pushes him with her magic.) The Duke: What dark sorcery is this? Stay away from me. Ingrid: Please, don't tell anyone. Please. This has to be our secret. Helga: Ingrid. Ingrid, what's going on here? The Duke: Your sister started kissing me. She told me she loved me. And when I rebuffed her, she tried to kill me with... With her magic. Ingrid: No! Helga, no. Helga: Thank you, Duke. Ingrid: That is not... Helga: Thank you for showing me what a... Liar and a scoundrel you are, and for saving me the trouble of considering taking your worthless hand in marriage. The Duke: How dare you? Helga: We shall see to it that your diplomatic mission here is over. straight back to "Weaselton." The Duke: It's pronounced "Wesel-ton." And I am its Duke, and I do not take orders from you. Believe me, when Arendelle learns the truth about her, they shall side with me. Helga: Ingrid is my sister, and I love her for who she is. And so shall everyone else. The Duke: Really? Is this why you hide her away from balls and royal dinners? Why no one has ever laid eyes on this freak? Helga: You are out of line, "Weasel-ton." The Duke: Mock me all you want, but the people deserve to know what their future Queen is. Before I'm through, all of Arendelle will know your secret. And when they find out how dangerous your sister really is, you won't have to hide her any longer because they'll lock her up and throw away the key. Helga: Enough! The Duke: Because that is the only fate befitting a monster. Ingrid: Stop! (Ingrid uses her power to hurt the Duke but Helga protects him and she is hit by her sisters magic.) Helga: No! Ingrid: N-no! No! Helga! Helga, no. Helga. Helga: Ohh. Ingrid: Helga. Helga, hey. I'm so sorry. H-Helga... No. I... No! No! No! No! (Helga freezes to death.) Ingrid: What have I done? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At Regina's vault.) Regina: Why am I getting a sense of déja vu? Robin: Regina... I have lived by a code my entire life... Steal from the rich and give to the poor. Be truthful, righteous, and good. I have tried to live by that code every day of my life. Regina: Then why are you here? Robin: 'Cause today is not one of those days. (He kisses her.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Mary Margaret looks after Neal. David, Hook and Elsa enter in the loft.) Mary Margaret: Did you find her? David: No. We looked everywhere, which means only one thing. Hook: She doesn't want to be found. Elsa: I've been through this. And I saw the same looks on my loved ones' faces as Emma just did. I saw fear. Mary Margaret: David, we failed today. When our daughter needed us most, she looked in our eyes, and... All she saw was fear. This Snow Queen has some mirror that turns us against each other? Well, she doesn't need it. Look at us. We are doing it to ourselves. [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma is in her car, she is watching Storybrooke from the woods.) [SCENE_BREAK] (The Snow Queen smiles in ther mirror.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Aredelle - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (In the castle's garden, Ingrid cries. Gerda comes.) Gerda: Ingrid? Ingrid, what happened? Where's Hel... Ingrid: I didn't mean to. Gerda: What did you do? What did you do?! Ingrid: I was trying to stop the Duke. It was an accident. You have to believe me. Gerda: You stay away from me. Stay! Ingrid: No! No. Please... Please, don't be afraid. We said that we would always be there for each other. We made a promise. I love you. Gerda, please, you have to help me. Take my hand. Please take my hand. You're all I have left. Gerda: Ingrid... You killed our sister. You're... You're a monster. Ingrid: No, G-Gerda, no. (Gerda takes the urn and traps Ingrid.) Ingrid: No! No! [SCENE_BREAK] (At the Troll's career.) Grand Pabbie: Your face shows great tragedy, my child. Gerda: I lost both my sisters today. Grand Pabbie: Oh, I am so sorry. How did such a thing happen? Gerda: It's too painful to talk about. But my pain has to be set aside. We need to see that Arendelle survives this. Which is where I need your help. I need a memory potion strong enough to make all the realm forget that Ingrid and Helga ever existed. My father, the Duke of Weselton, everyone within our borders must forget. Can you do this? Grand Pabbie: Yes. But, my dear, I must warn you, the truth has a way of coming out, one way or the other. Gerda: It mustn't. The future of the Kingdom depends on it. Grand Pabbie: I will do this for you. But this is strong magic that you speak of. And magic always comes with a price. Gerda: I... I'm fairly certain I've already paid it. Grand Pabbie: We shall see. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At Mr Gold's shop.) Mr Gold: As someone who's created many monsters in his time, I am impressed by the number you did on Ms. Swan. The Snow Queen: I'm ready to make that deal. Mr Gold: So... You finally understand what you didn't so many years ago. The Snow Queen: I want my ribbons back. Mr Gold: Then you'll also understand that a... a deal requires an exchange of goods. And I'm no longer convinced you have anything I want. The Snow Queen: You still need one more thing to cleave yourself from that dagger. Mr Gold: And how do you know about that? The Snow Queen: I had that hat longer than you. I learned many things. Among them... The missing piece of your puzzle. Give me my ribbon. I'll tell you what it is. You see, I've figured out your plan. Storybrooke... Is a small town. Too small for someone as powerful as the dark one to be content. Mr Gold: Well, they did close down that ice-cream parlor I was so fond of. The Snow Queen: You want to cleave yourself from the dagger so you can venture outside Storybrooke without losing your power or your precious Belle. You want, in short, what all villains want. Mr Gold: And what's that? The Snow Queen: Everything. And I want to give it to you. Mr Gold: What makes you so generous? The Snow Queen: What you want is out there. And everything that I want is in here. Do what you want with the rest of the world. Storybrooke will be mine. Do you want your answer? Mr Gold: You know I do. The Snow Queen: Then we have a deal. Mr Gold: You first. Tell me what I require. (The Snow Queen whispers at Mr Gold ear.) Mr Gold: Not only can I do that... But I shall do it with great pleasure.

Plan: A: the Snow Queen; Q: Who is Ingrid? A: Gerda; Q: Who trapped Ingrid in the urn? A: Rumplestiltskin's help; Q: Who did Ingrid's sisters seek out to control her magic? A: the Grand Pabbie; Q: Who did Gerda visit to make Arendelle forget about Ingrid and Helga? A: Emma; Q: Who does Ingrid allow to capture her? A: a ploy; Q: What does Ingrid use to make Emma's family fear her? A: Regina; Q: Who gives in to her desire to restart her romance with Robin Hood? A: Robin Hood's; Q: Who does Regina reject? A: Sarah; Q: Who makes a deal with Gold? A: her ribbons; Q: What does Sarah make a deal with Gold to return? A: the missing ingredient; Q: What does Gold need to free himself from the Dagger of Kris? A: "great pleasure; Q: What does Mr. Gold say he will have in obtaining the final ingredient? Summary: The origins of Ingrid, the Snow Queen, are revealed in her past back in Arendelle, where her close relationship with her sisters Helga and Gerda take a tragic turn after they seek out Rumplestiltskin's help to control her magic, leading to Ingrid accidentally killing Helga, and Gerda trapping Ingrid in the urn. Then, Gerda visits the Grand Pabbie and asks him to make Arendelle forget about the existence of Ingrid and Helga. In the present, Ingrid allows Emma to capture her, but uses a ploy to make Emma's family fear her, after she loses control of her magic. This in turn causes Emma to fear that she will start hurting those that she loves, and she runs away as a result. Later, Regina continues to reject Robin Hood's offer to restart their romance, but ends up giving in to her desire. Meanwhile, Sarah makes a deal with Gold to return her ribbons, in return for the secret to the missing ingredient that he needs to free himself from the Dagger of Kris. When Mr. Gold obtains the information, he tells that he will have "great pleasure" in obtaining the final ingredient.

Recap of Episode 4. OPENING CREDITS DONNA: He's gonna choke! Doctor! DOCTOR: It won't open! Sylvia rushes to the car with an axe and smashes the windscreen. SYLVIA: Well, don't just stand there! Get him out! UNIT OFFICER: All soldiers to a door! Make the factory secure and take positions on the ground floor! COLONEL MACE: Wicowsky, take the soldiers into the factory! Make the area secure. Seal off doors and windows. Soldiers are pushing the cars out of the factory. SOLDIER: We've tried everything, it just won't stop! Colonel Mace goes into the UNIT field base. COLONEL MACE: What have we got? CAPTAIN PRICE: ATMOS is running wild, sir. It can't be stopped, it's everywhere. The whole planet. The Martha clone enters the UNIT base and uses Martha's level 1 security clearance to get into the NATO defence system. WILF: Thanks! DONNA: I can't believe you've got an axe! SYLVIA: Burglars! DOCTOR: Get inside the house. Just try and close off the doors and windows. Ross pulls up in a black cab. ROSS: Doctor! This is all I could find that hasn't got ATMOS. The Doctor runs to the cab, shouting back to Donna who is still with Wilf and Sylvia. DOCTOR: Donna, you coming? DONNA: Yeah! SYLVIA: Donna! Don't go! Look what happens every time that Doctor appears! Stay with us, please. WILF: You go my darling! SYLVIA: Dad! WILF: Don't listen to her! You go with the Doctor! That's my girl! ... Donna gets into the cab, though feeling guilty to leave her family. WILF: Bye! The Martha clone downloads the security protocols to her PDA. COMMANDER SKORR: Success, the operative has the necessary information. GENERAL STAAL: Good work for a female. Now she must be protected. COMMANDER SKORR: I will prepare an attack squad. He leaves. LUKE: This is it, isn't it! Oh man, this is war! GENERAL STAAL: How does it feel, boy? LUKE: Magnificent! NEWS 24 NEWSREADER: The Government has declared a state of emergency. People are being told to stay away from all cars with ATMOS devices attached. AMNN NEWSREADER: The gas appears to be toxic. We are warning anyone and everyone, stay away from the cars. Repeat, stay away from your cars. The taxi pulls up to the ATMOS factory, the Doctor and Donna exit. DOCTOR: Ross, look after yourself, get inside the building. ROSS: Will do. (Over radio) Greyhound 40 to Trap 1, I have just returned the Doctor to base safe and sound, over. The Martha clone is hears Ross and hurries to Colonel Mace. COLONEL MACE (over radio): Trap 1, received. Over. MARTHA CLONE: Sir, message from the Doctor, he says Code Red Sontaran. COLONEL MACE (over radio): All troops, Code Red Sontaran. Code Red Sontaran. DONNA: The air is disgusting! DOCTOR: It's not so bad for me, go on, get inside the TARDIS. Oh, never given you a key! (He pulls out a key). Keep that! Go on, that's yours! Quite a big moment really! DONNA: Yeah, maybe we can get sentimental after the world's finished choking to death! DOCTOR: Good idea! DONNA: Where are you going? DOCTOR: Stop a war! He rushes to the UNIT field base while Donna runs to the TARDIS. DOCTOR: Right then, here I am, good. Whatever you do, Colonel Mace, do not engage the Sontarans in battle, there is nothing they like better than a war. Just leave this to me. COLONEL MACE: And what are you going to do? DOCTOR: I've got the TARDIS, I'm gonna get on board their ship. The Martha clone presses a button on the PDA, the hypnotised privates activate. DOCTOR (to the Martha clone): Come on! The privates place devices on the TARDIS. PRIVATE HARRIS: Ready for transport. The TARDIS is teleported to the Sontaran ship, with Donna inside. GENERAL STAAL: The spoils of war! The Doctor's infamous vessel in Sontaran hands. LUKE: It's time I made a move, sir, I have soldiers of my own. I'll tell them of the honour and the glory, sir! I'll tell them that Planetfall is coming! He teleports back to Earth. COMMANDER SKORR: He is behaving exactly as predicted, sir. Donna peeks out of the TARDIS door, then quickly closes it as she glimpses the Sontarans. GENERAL STAAL: None of the humans can guess our true purpose. The Doctor runs down the alleyway to find the TARDIS gone. MARTHA CLONE: But... where's the TARDIS? DOCTOR: Taste that, in the air. Yecch. That sort of metal tang. Teleport exchange. It's the Sontarans, they've taken it. I'm stuck, on Earth like... like an ordinary person. Like a human! How rubbish is that! Sorry, no offence, but come on! MARTHA CLONE: So what do we do? DOCTOR: Well... I mean it's shielded, they could never detect it. He stares at her. MARTHA CLONE: What? DOCTOR: I'm just wondering, have you phoned your family and Tom? MARTHA CLONE: No, what for? DOCTOR: The gas. Tell them to stay inside. MARTHA CLONE: Course I will, yeah, but, what about Donna? I mean, where's she? DOCTOR: Oh, she's gone home. She's not like you, she's not a soldier. Right. So, avanti! Rattigan's students look out over London. LUKE: Leave it. Turn away. Civilisation is falling! MALE STUDENT: But it's all over the news, sir, it's everywhere. Paris and New York. LUKE: It's time I told you, all of you. It's time I revealed what our work has been for! The Doctor and the Martha clone enter the UNIT base. DOCTOR: Change of plan! COLONEL MACE: Good to have you fighting alongside us, Doctor. DOCTOR: I'm not fighting, I'm not-fighting, as in not hyphen fighting, got it? Now, does anyone know what this gas is yet? MARTHA CLONE: We're working on it. CAPTAIN PRICE: It's harmful, but not lethal until it reaches 80% density. We're having the first reports of deaths from the centre of Tokyo City. DOCTOR: And who are you? CAPTAIN PRICE (salutes): Captain Marion Price, sir. DOCTOR: Oh, put your hand down. Don't salute. COLONEL MACE: Jodrell Bank's traced a signal, Doctor, coming from 5000 miles above the Earth. We're guessing that's what triggered the cars. DOCTOR: The Sontaran ship. COLONEL MACE: NATO has gone to Defcon One, we're preparing a strike. DOCTOR: You can't do that, nuclear missiles won't even scratch the surface. Let me talk to the Sontarans. COLONEL MACE: You're not authorised to speak on behalf of the Earth. DOCTOR: I've got that authority, I earned that a long time ago. (He uses the sonic screwdriver to connect the UNIT systems to the Sontaran ship). Calling the Sontaran Command Ship under Jurisdiction Two of the Intergalactic Rules of Engagement. This is The Doctor. The transmission is also received inside the TARDIS. For a split second, Rose Tyler appears on a screen, but fades away before Donna gets there, so she only sees the Doctor calling from the UNIT base. DONNA: Doctor, I'm here, can you hear me? GENERAL STAAL: Doctor, breathing your last? COLONEL MACE: My God, they're like trolls. DOCTOR (to the Colonel): Yeah, loving the diplomacy, thanks. (Louder, to the Sontarans) So, tell me, General Staal, since when did you lot become cowards? GENERAL STAAL: How dare you! COLONEL MACE: Oh, that's diplomacy? GENERAL STAAL: Doctor, you impugn my honour! DOCTOR: Yeah, I'm really glad you didn't say belittle cos then I'd have a field day. But poison gas? That's the weapon of a coward and you know it. Staal, you could blast this planet out of the sky, and yet you're sitting up above watching it die. Where's the fight in that? Where's the honour? Or, are you lot planning something else? Cos this isn't normal Sontaran warfare. What are you lot up to? GENERAL STAAL: A general would be unwise to reveal his strategy to the opposing forces. DOCTOR: Aaah, the war's not going so well, then? Losing, are we? GENERAL STAAL: Such a suggestion is impossible. COLONEL MACE: What war? DOCTOR: The war between the Sontarans and the Rutans. It's been raging, far out in the stars for 50,000 years. 50,000 years of bloodshed, and for what? GENERAL STAAL: For victory. Sontar-ha! SONTARANS: Sontar-ha! Sontar-ha! Sontar-ha! DOCTOR (rolling the eyes): Give me a break. He pulls out the sonic screwdriver and changes the channel to the cartoon, Tommy Zoom. COLONEL MACE: Doctor. I would seriously recommend that this dialogue is handled by official Earth representation. The Doctor sonics the channel back to the Sontaran ship. DOCTOR: Finished? GENERAL STAAL: You will not be so quick to ridicule when you'll see our prize. Behold! (He gestures to the TARDIS behind him). We are the first Sontarans in history to capture a TARDIS. DOCTOR: Well. As prizes go, that's... noble. (Donna is watching the Doctor on a screen). As they say in Latin, Donna nobis pacem. DONNA: That's me. I'm here! DOCTOR: Did you never wonder about its design? It's phone box. It contains a phone. A telephonic device for communication. Sort of symbolic. Like if only we could communicate. You and I. GENERAL STAAL: All you have communicated is your distress, Doctor. DONNA: Oh my god. She picks up Martha's mobile and opens it. DOCTOR: Big mistake though. Showing it to me. DONNA: But who do I phone? DOCTOR (lifting up a device): Cos I've got remote control. GENERAL STAAL: Cease transmission! DONNA: Doctor, what number are you on? The screen goes black. DONNA: You haven't even got a number! GENERAL STAAL: Remove the box from the War Room, beyond the transmission field. DOCTOR: Oh, well. He gets up. COLONEL MACE: That's achieved nothing. DOCTOR: Oh, you'd be surprised. Donna is thrown around the TARDIS as a group of Sontarans push the TARDIS away. DONNA: But what do I do? LUKE: All this stuff we've been building. All this invention. Where's it been heading? Gravity intensifiers, hydroponics, atmospheric conversion, ecoshell. More then enough to build a brand new world! MALE STUDENT: Luke, we haven't got time for this. I've got to find my parents. LUKE: Oh, but this isn't just theory. I'm talking Planetfall. For all of us. A brand new start for a brand new human race. Look. (He opens a 3-D projection of a planet). A new world. Far out. Beyond Alpha Geminorium, just waiting for us. Its official destination is Castor 36. I think of it as Earth Point Two. I did wonder about Rattigan's World, but... we can take a vote on that. MALE STUDENT: What the hell are you on about? LUKE: This is where we're going. I have partners willing to take us there. FEMALE STUDENT: Oh, he's lost it. I haven't got time for this. LUKE (turning the projector off): Excuse me, I haven't finished. Where are you going? FEMALE STUDENT: To find my brother. LUKE: I didn't say you could leave. FEMALE STUDENT: I told him to put ATMOS is his car. I've got to go and help him. LUKE (pulling out a gun): Stay where you are! FEMALE STUDENT: What do you think your doing? MALE STUDENT: Luke. Put that down. LUKE: But... I did this for you. Don't you see? We've spent all our lives excluded. The clever ones. They... They've laughed at us. And pulled us down. Those ordinary people out there. Those cattle. This is our chance to leave them behind! MALE STUDENT: You mean you want them dead? LUKE: And I chose you to survive! With Planetfall we can start again. We can build, and breed. We can prosper, we can do anything! FEMALE STUDENT: We're going to breed? LUKE: I've designed a mating program. I've planned the whole thing. FEMALE STUDENT: Well then. Shoot me! She leaves. LUKE: Stay where you are. Stay where you are I said. Stay where you are! (Students start to run out of the room). Stay where you are, that's an order! He lowers the gun as most of the students leave the room. MALE STUDENT: Castor 36? You're just sick. He goes too, leaving Luke alone in the room. LUKE (manically): Guess that just proves it! I'm cleverer then you! I'm cleverer then everyone! D'you hear me! (Shouting and stamping his feet). I'm clever! ! NEWS 24 NEWSREADER: The United Nations has issued a directive worldwide, telling urban populations to stay indoors. Those in rural areas are being ordered to stay away from all major cities. There are reports from every country in Europe of thousands of people walking across country to escape. And on the Eastern seaboard of America it's said to be reminiscent of Dunkirk, with boats taking refugees out into the Atlantic. AMNN NEWSREADER: With the freeways blocked by ATMOS cars, populations of major cities are now walking across open country to escape the fumes. It is being likened to a Biblical plague. Some are calling this the End of Days. Donna phones home. DONNA: Mum? You all right? SYLVIA: Donna! Where are you sweetheart? WILF: Is that her? SYLVIA: Oh, just finish the job. Your granddad's sealing us in. He's sealing the windows. Our own house, and we're sealed in! All those things they said about pollution and ozone and carbon, they're really happening aren't they? DONNA: There's people working on it, Mum. They're gonna fix it, I promise. SYLVIA: Oh, like you'd know, you're so clever? DONNA: Oh don't start. Please, don't. SYLVIA: I'm sorry. I wish you were here. WILF: Now, come on Sylvia, look. That doesn't help. (He takes the receiver from his daughter). Donna? Where are you? DONNA: It's sort of hard to say. You all right? WILF: Yeah, fighting fit, yeah. Is he with you, the Doctor? SYLVIA: Oh, the Doctor! DONNA: No. I'm all on my own. WILF: Look, you promised he was gonna look after you. DONNA: He will, Gramps. There's... something he needs me to do. I just don't know what. WILF: Well, I mean, the whole place is covered, the whole of London they're saying and the whole, the whole world. It's the scale of it, Donna. I mean, how can one man stop all that? DONNA: Trust me. He can do it. WILF: Yeah, well if he doesn't, you tell him he'll have to answer to me. DONNA: I will. Just as soon as I see him, I'll tell him. WILF: Huh. Wilf puts the phone down, and Donna ends the call. Sylvia looks out at the fog engulfed streets. The Doctor snatches a clipboard from the Martha clone. MARTHA CLONE: There's carbon monoxide, hydrocarbons, nitrogen oxides but 10% unidentified. Some sort of artificial heavy element we can't trace. You ever seen anything like it? DOCTOR: Must be something the Sontarans invented. This isn't just poison, they need this gas for something else. What could that be? CAPTAIN PRICE: Launch grid online and active. COLONEL MACE: Positions ladies and gentlemen, Defcon One initiatives in progress. DOCTOR: What?! I told you not to launch! COLONEL MACE: The gas is at 60% density, 80% and people start dying, Doctor. We've got no choice. CAPTAIN PRICE: Launching in 60, 59, 58, 57, 56... Worldwide nuclear grid now co-ordinating. 54, 53... The Sontarans are following the events on their ship. GENERAL STAAL: Hah! The planet is going nuclear! I admire them. The bravery of idiots is bravery nonetheless. SONTARAN: The operative is in place, sir. GENERAL STAAL: Commander Skorr! Is the attack squad ready? COMMANDER SKORR: Ready and eager for battle, sir. We've been watching for long enough, it'll be good to taste blood. DOCTOR: You're making a mistake, Colonel! For once, I hope the Sontarans are ahead of you. CAPTAIN PRICE: North America, online. United Kingdom, online. France, online. India, online. Pakistan, online. China, online. North Korea, online. All systems locked and co-ordinated. Launching in 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5... COLONEL MACE: God save us. CAPTAIN PRICE: ...4, 3, 2, 1... The Martha clone presses "No" on her PDA. CAPTAIN PRICE: 0. The screen shuts off. COLONEL MACE: What is it? What happened? Did we launch? Well, did we? CAPTAIN PRICE: Negative, sir. The launch codes have been wiped, sir. It must be the Sontarans. COLONEL MACE: Can we override it? CAPTAIN PRICE: Trying it now, sir. DOCTOR: Missiles wouldn't even dent that ship, so why are the Sontarans so keen to stop you? (Looking at the clone). Any ideas? MARTHA CLONE: How should I know? GENERAL STAAL: Now protect the operative. Sontarans march through the factory. Ross is guarding a deserted corridor with four more soldiers. ROSS: Stinking out there. The other soldiers chat. Ross hears something. ROSS: Shhh! Keep it down lads. Sontarans come down the corridor. ROSS (over radio): Enemy within! At arms! Greyhound 40 declaring absolute emergency. Sontarans within factory grounds, east corridor grid six. COLONEL MACE (over radio): Absolute emergency, declaring Code Red. All troops, Code Red! DOCTOR: Get them out of there! COLONEL MACE (over radio): All troops, open fire! The soldiers try to fire but their guns only click. ROSS (over radio): The guns aren't working. Inform all troops, standard weapons do not work. The Sontarans shoot at the soldiers, who fall to the ground, screaming. ROSS (over radio): Tell the Doctor it's that Cordolaine signal. He's the only one who can stop them. The Sontarans shoot Ross, he falls to the ground. Static from the radio. COLONEL MACE: Greyhound 40, report. Over. Greyhound 40, report. Greyhound 40, report! DOCTOR: He wasn't Greyhound 40, his name was Ross. Now listen to me, and get them out of there! COLONEL MACE: Trap One to all stations. Retreat. Order imperative, immediate retreat! Soldiers are running everywhere trying to get away. SOLDIER: Retreat! Retreat! The Sontarans march out and start shooting everyone down. Chaos everywhere. Private Gray and Private Harris walk out and address a Sontaran. PRIVATE GRAY / PRIVATE HARRIS: Reporting for duty, sir! The Sontaran walks past, then turns back and shoots them. COMMANDER SKORR: This is too easy! Their running like slimebait from a speelfox. Sontarans continue to shoot UNIT soldiers. COMMANDER SKORR (laughing): This isn't war, this is sport! The factory doors slide down sealing the Sontarans inside. COLONEL MACE: They've taken the factory. DOCTOR: Why? They don't need it. Why attack now? What are they up to? Times like this, I could do with the Brigadier. No offence. COLONEL MACE: None taken. Sir Alistair's a fine man, if not the best. Unfortunately he's stranded in Peru. CAPTAIN PRICE: Launch grid back online. The computer screens turn on to show a map of the world. The Martha clone presses No Launch on her PDA. The screens go black again. CAPTAIN PRICE: They're inside the system, sir. It's coming from within UNIT itself. COLONEL MACE: Trace it. Find out where it's coming from, and quickly. Gas levels? CAPTAIN PRICE: 66% in major population areas. And rising. COMMANDER SKORR (over intercom): Commander Skorr reports victory with many glorious deaths. Luke Rattigan appears in teleport. LUKE: Sorry to report, sir, I've failed. They wouldn't come. The students, they... didn't have the imagination to believe. GENERAL STAAL: A pity. We've lost our target practice! LUKE: What do you mean? GENERAL STAAL: Upon arrival on board this ship, your students would have been shot down. Perhaps they were more clever then you thought. LUKE (looking hurt): You promised! GENERAL STAAL: There was no Planetfall. Castor 36, indeed! We only needed you for installation of the ATMOS system. LUKE: No, but... I'm on your side! I did everything you wanted! And it's not ATMOS system, that's a tautology. Just ATMOS. GENERAL STAAL: Execute him! Luke presses a button and teleports away. GENERAL STAAL: A coward's retreat. Now close all teleport links to Earth. Isolate them, as they perish. Luke lies on the floor of the teleport pod, crying. COLONEL MACE: Why are they defending the factory only after we were inside? DOCTOR: Because they wanted UNIT here. You gave them something they needed. Something now hidden inside the factory. Something precious. COLONEL MACE: Then we've got to recover it. This Cordolaine signal thing, how does it work? DOCTOR: The bullets. It causes expansion of the copper shell. COLONEL MACE: Excellent. I'm on it. He gets up and leaves. DOCTOR: For the billionth time, you can't fight Sontarans! He walks out too, and talks quietly to the nearest officer, so that the Martha clone can't hear them. DOCTOR: Phone. Have you got a phone? I need your mobile, quickly, hurry up! Someone hands him a mobile and he gets back to Colonel Mace's office to phone Donna. DONNA: What's happened, where are you? DOCTOR: Still on Earth. But don't worry, I've got my secret weapon. DONNA: What's that? DOCTOR: You. DONNA: Oh. Somehow that's not making me happy. Can't you just zap us down to Earth with that remote thing? DOCTOR: Yeah, I haven't got a remote, though I really should. But I need you on that ship. That's why I made them move the TARDIS. I'm sorry, but you've got to go outside. DONNA: But there's Sonterruns out there. DOCTOR: Sontarans, but they'll all be on battle stations right now. They don't walk around having coffee. I can talk you through it. DONNA: But what if they find me? DOCTOR: I know, and I wouldn't ask, but there's nothing else I can do. The whole planet is choking, Donna. DONNA (walking towards the TARDIS door): What d'you need me to do? DOCTOR: The Sontarans are inside the factory which means they've got a teleport link with the ship, but they'll have deadlocked it. I need you to reopen the link. DONNA: But, I can't even mend a fuse. DOCTOR: Donna! Stop talking about yourself like that. You can do this. I promise. Donna opens the TARDIS door to see a Sontaran a few feet away with his back to the TARDIS. She closes the door silently. DONNA: There's a Sonterrun... Sontaran. DOCTOR: Did he see you? DONNA: No, he's got his back to me. DOCTOR: Right, Donna, listen, on the back of his neck on his collar there's a sort of plug, like a hole. The Probic Vent. One blow to the Probic Vent knocks 'em out. DONNA: But he's gonna kill me. DOCTOR: I'm sorry. I swear I'm so sorry. But you've got to try. She picks up the mallet that the Doctor uses so happily when piloting the TARDIS. She sneaks behind the Sontaran and hits his probic went, knocking him out. DONNA (triumphant): Back of the neck! DOCTOR: Now then you gotta find the external junction feed to the teleport. DONNA: What... what's it look like? DOCTOR: A circular panel on the wall. Big symbol on the front, like a, like a letter T with a horizontal line through it. Or, or two Fs back to back. DONNA: Well, there's a door. DOCTOR: Should be a switch by the side. DONNA: Yeah there is. But it's Sontaran-shaped, you need three fingers. DOCTOR: You've got three fingers. DONNA: Oh, yeah! She puts her hand into the pattern and the door slides open. DONNA: I am through. DOCTOR (kissing the phone): Oh, you are brilliant, you are. DONNA: Shut up. Right. T with a line through it. Colonel Mace returns to the UNIT base. DOCTOR: Got to go. Keep the line open! COLONEL MACE: Counter-attack! DOCTOR: I said you don't stand a chance! COLONEL MACE: Positions. That means everyone! He throws a gas mask to the Doctor. MARTHA CLONE: You're not going without me! DOCTOR: Wouldn't dream of it. On the spaceship, Donna hides into a shadowy corner when a troop of Sontarans marches past. Outside of the ATMOS factory, UNIT people gather. They're all wearing gas masks, so does the Doctor. Colonel Mace shows him a gun. COLONEL MACE: Latest firing stock, what do you think, Doctor? DOCTOR: Are you my mummy? COLONEL MACE: If you could concentrate. Bullets with a rad-steel coating, no copper surface. Should overcome the Cordolaine signal. DOCTOR: But the Sontarans have got lasers! You can't even see in this fog, the night-vision doesn't work. COLONEL MACE: Thank you Doctor, thank you for your lack of faith. But this time, I'm not listening. He pulls off the gas mask and addresses his soldiers. COLONEL MACE: Attention, all troops! Sontarans might think of us as primitive. As does every passing species with an axe to grind. They make a mockery of our weapons, our soldiers, our ideals. But no more! From this point on, it stops. From this point on, the people of Earth fight back and we show them! We show the warriors of Sontar what the human race can do! Trap One to Hawk Major! Go, go, go! Everyone looks up as a loud sound comes from the sky, the fog starts to clear and we get sight of the Valiant flying above. COLONEL MACE: It's working! The area's clearing. Engines to maximum! DOCTOR: It's the Valiant! COLONEL MACE: UNIT Carrier Ship Valiant reporting for duty, Doctor! With engines strong enough to clear away the fog. They take off the gas masks. DOCTOR: Woah, that's brilliant! COLONEL MACE: Getting a taste for it, Doctor? DOCTOR: No, not at all. Not me. COLONEL MACE: Valiant, fire at will! A bunch of green beams unite and the Valiant fires at the ATMOS factory. At the same time, UNIT soldiers start an attack on the ground too. This time, it's the Sontarans who are overpowered. COLONEL MACE: East and north secure. Doctor? He rushes away with the soldiers. DOCTOR (on the phone): Donna, hold on. I'm coming. The Martha clone appears. MARTHA CLONE: Shouldn't we follow the Colonel? DOCTOR: Nah, you and me, Martha Jones. Just like old times! She stops the nuclear launch one more time. The Doctor uses the sonic screwdriver to find their way. DOCTOR: Alien technology, this way. UNIT and Sontaran soldiers shooting each other everywhere. Commander Skorr is there, without helmet, obviously having a great time. COMMANDER SKORR: The honour of battle. The glory! The Doctor and the Martha clone head to the basement, following the signal. The place is deserted. DOCTOR: No Sontarans down here. They can't resist a battle. Here we go. They enter the clone lab, where the real Martha is still in hypnotic sleep. The Doctor runs to her. DOCTOR: Ooh, Martha, I'm so sorry. (He checks her pulse). Still alive. The Martha clone points a gun at him, but he hardly looks at her. DOCTOR: Am I supposed to be impressed? MARTHA CLONE: Wish you carried a gun now? DOCTOR: Not at all. MARTHA CLONE: I've been stopping the nuclear launch all this time. DOCTOR: Doing exactly what I wanted. I needed to stop the missiles, just as much as the Sontarans. I'm not having Earth start an interstellar war. You're a triple agent! MARTHA CLONE: When did you know? DOCTOR: What, you? Oh, right from the start. Reduced iris contraction, slight thinning of the hair follicles on the left temple. And, frankly, you smell. You might as well have worn a T-shirt saying "clone". Although, maybe not in front of Captain Jack. You remember him, don't you? Cos you've got all her memories. That's why the Sontarans had to protect her, to keep you inside UNIT. Martha Jones is keeping you alive. He pulls off the device from the real Martha's head. She awakes with a scream. At the same time the clone falls to the ground in agony. The Doctor kicks away the gun that the clone has dropped, then hugs the real Martha. DOCTOR: It's all right. It's all right, I'm here, I'm here. I've got you, got you. MARTHA: There was this thing, Doctor, this alien, with this head... The mobile rings. DOCTOR: Oh, blimey I'm busy. Got it? DONNA: Yes. Now hurry up! DOCTOR: Take off the covering. All the blue switches inside, flick them up like a fusebox. And that should get the teleport working. Martha looks around and sees the clone, sitting on the ground panting. MARTHA: Oh, my God. That's me. Commander Skorr walks on a corridor when Colonel Mace comes up behind him. COLONEL MACE: You will face me, sir! The Sontaran turns back, pleased for the fight. The Colonel shoots him and he falls to the floor dying, but still seems happy. COMMANDER SKORR: Wonderful. In the clone lab, the Doctor is working on the teleport while the real Martha sits beside the clone. MARTHA CLONE: Don't touch me! MARTHA: It's not my fault. The Sontarans created you. But... you had all my memories. MARTHA CLONE: You've got a brother, sister, mother and father. MARTHA: If you don't help me, they're gonna die. MARTHA CLONE: You love them. MARTHA: Yes. Remember that? DOCTOR (shouting from the teleport pod): The gas! Tell us about the gas. MARTHA CLONE: He's the enemy! MARTHA: Then tell me. It's not just poison, what's it for? Martha, please! MARTHA CLONE: Caesofine concentrate. It's one part of Bosteen, two parts Probic 5. DOCTOR: Clonefeed! It's clonefeed! MARTHA: What's clonefeed? DOCTOR: Like amniotic fluid for Sontarans. That's why they're not invading, they're converting the atmosphere. Changing the planet into a clone world. Earth becomes a great big hatchery. Cos the Sontarans are clones, that's how they reproduce. Give 'em a planet this big, they'll create billions of new soldiers. That gas isn't poison, it's food! He goes back to work on the teleport. MARTHA CLONE: My heart... It's getting slower. MARTHA: There's nothing I can do. MARTHA CLONE: In your mind, you've got so many plans. There's so much that you wanna do. MARTHA: And I will. Never do tomorrow what you can do today, my mum says. Cos... MARTHA CLONE: Cos you never know how long you've got. Martha Jones... All that life. She dies. The real Martha pulls off her engagement ring from the clone's finger. DONNA: Doctor. The Doctor picks up the phone. DONNA: Blue switches done. (A door slides open and Sontarans march in). But they've found me! DOCTOR: Now! He points the sonic screwdriver to the teleport pod, activating it. Donna, who was standing inside the pod on the Sontaran ship, disappears and reappears in the clone lab. She runs to hug the Doctor. DONNA: Have I ever told you how much I hate you? DOCTOR: Hold on, hold on. Get off me, get off me! Gotta bring the TARDIS down. He sonics the teleport and the TARDIS is beamed back down. DOCTOR: Right, now. Martha, you coming? MARTHA: What about this nuclear launch thing? DOCTOR: Just keep pressing N, we want to keep those missiles on the ground. Donna catches sight of the dead clone. DONNA: But there's... two of them. DOCTOR: Yeah, long story. (All three get inside the teleport pod). Here we go. The old team, back together! Well, the new team. DONNA: We're not going back on that ship! DOCTOR: No, no, no. No. I needed to get the teleport working so that we could get to... They teleport to the Rattigan Academy. DOCTOR: ...here! The Rattigan Academy, owned by... Luke points a gun at them. LUKE: Don't tell anyone what I did! It wasn't my fault, the Sontarans lied to me, they... The Doctor grabs his gun. DOCTOR: If I see one more gun... He throws the gun away. DONNA (to Martha, who wears the Doctor's coat over her hospital-type gown): You know, that coat, sort of works. MARTHA: Feel like a kid in my dad's clothes. DONNA: Oh, well if you're calling him dad you're definitely getting over him. SONTARAN: A human female on board ship. It could only be the Doctor's work and all the teleport systems have been deadlocked open. GENERAL STAAL: No matter. Increase the ATMOS devices to maximum. Choke them! Behold, the cloneworld is born. Alarm blares. Back on Earth, car engines rev. The gas is now also inside the Noble's house. Wilf puts a towel in the gap at the bottom of a door, then he goes to hug Sylvia, who sits on the ground crying. WILF: Oh, my little girl. Come on, we'll be all right. We'll be all right. Donna said so. She promised. Come on, darling. It's all right. The Doctor begins to assemble a device from things found in Luke's laboratory. DOCTOR: That's why the Sontarans had to stop the missiles, they were holding back. Because, caesofine gas is volatile, that's why they had to use you to stop the nuclear attack. Ground-to-air engagement could've sparked off the whole thing. MARTHA: What, like set fire to the atmosphere? DOCTOR: Yeah. They need all the gas intact to breed their clone army. And all the time we had Luke here in his dream factory. Planning a little trip, were we? LUKE: They promised me a new world. DOCTOR: You were building equipment, ready to terraform El Mondo Luko so that humans could live there and breathe the air with this! An atmospheric converter. GENERAL STAAL: Prepare to launch clone pods. We will breed across the surface of the Earth. For the glory of Sontar! The Doctor runs outside with the atmospheric converter. DONNA: That's London. You can't even see it. My family's in there. DOCTOR: If I can get this on the right setting... MARTHA: Doctor, hold on, you said the atmosphere would ignite. DOCTOR: Yeah, I did, didn't I? The Doctor presses a button and a flame shoots up into the sky and the sky ignites. The Doctor crosses his fingers. DOCTOR: Please, please, please, please, please, please, please... Sylvia and Wilf look out of the window to see the sky aflame. UNIT look up at the burning sky. SONTARAN: General Staal, sir! GENERAL STAAL: What's happening? Alarm blares. The Earth below is engulfed in flame. Then the fire clears to reveal the planet, blue and green as usual. Wilf, Sylvia and their neighbours come out of their houses and celebrate. UNIT soldiers cheer, Captain Price kisses Colonel Mace. LUKE: He's a genius! MARTHA: Just brilliant. DOCTOR: Now we're in trouble! He picks up the converter and runs back to the building. GENERAL STAAL: It seems we must revert to Basic Sontaran Stratagem One. We will ravage this planet. Prepare Weapons! Wipe them out! Every last stinking human beast! The Doctor gets inside the teleport pod with the atmospheric converter. DOCTOR: Right, so... Donna, thank you. For everything. Martha, you too. Oh... so many times. Luke, do something clever with your life. DONNA: You're saying goodbye. DOCTOR: Sontarans are never defeated. They'll be getting ready for war. And, well, you know, I've recalibrated this for Sontaran air, so... MARTHA: You're gonna ignite them. DONNA: You'll kill yourself. MARTHA: Just send that thing up, on it's own. I don't know... put it on a delay. DOCTOR: I can't. DONNA: Why not? DOCTOR: I've got to give them a choice. He teleports. Donna and Martha look the empty pod in despair. The Doctor appears on the Sontaran ship. GENERAL STAAL: Oh, excellent! DOCTOR: General Staal, you know what this is. But there's one more option. You can go. Just leave. Sontaran High Command need never know what happened here. GENERAL STAAL: Your stratagem would be wise if Sontarans feared death. But we do not. At arms! DOCTOR: I'll do it, Staal. If it saves the Earth, I'll do it. GENERAL STAAL: A warrior doesn't talk, he acts! DOCTOR: I am giving you the chance to leave. GENERAL STAAL: And miss the glory of this moment? SONTARAN VOICE FROM LOUDSPEAKERS: All weapons targeting Earth, sir. Firing in 20. DOCTOR: I'm warning you! GENERAL STAAL: And I salute you! Take aim! DOCTOR: Shoot me, I'm still gonna press this! You'll die, Staal. GENERAL STAAL: Knowing that you die, too. VOICE FROM LOUDSPEAKERS: Firing in 15. GENERAL STAAL: For the glory of Sontar! (He starts chanting). Sontar-ha! Sontar-ha! Sontar-ha! SONTARANS: Sontar-ha! Sontar-ha! Sontar-ha! Sontar-ha! Sontar-ha! Sontar-ha! Sontar-ha! DOCTOR: I'll do it! GENERAL STAAL: Then do it! Back on Earth, Luke is fiddling with the teleport pod. MARTHA: What are you doing? LUKE: Something clever. Standing up, he pushes a key and teleports to the Sontaran ship, at the same time zapping the Doctor back to the Academy. SONTARANS: Sontar-ha! Sontar-ha! Sontar-ha! Sontar-ha! Sontar-ha! VOICE FROM LOUDSPEAKERS: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3... The Sontarans stop chanting as they catch sight of Luke. LUKE: Sontar? Ha! He pushes the button of the converter. VOICE FROM LOUDSPEAKERS: ...1. The spaceship explodes before they could launch the strike on Earth. The Doctor appears in the teleport pod at the Rattigan Academy, looking confused. He climbs forward and sits to the edge of the pod, still shocked. Martha runs to him smiling and nestles by his side. Donna walks to them and gives the Doctor a big whack for worrying them so much, then grasps his arm, so relieved that he is alive. Sylvia walks homeward with two big bags. SYLVIA: Morning. NEIGHBOUR: Morning. SYLVIA: Walked all the way, won't catch me driving. The neighbour gets into her car and pulls off the ATMOS sticker from the rear window. Sylvia enters the house and goes into the kitchen where Donna and Wilf are sitting. SYLVIA: The streets are half-empty. People still aren't driving. There's kids on bikes all over the place, it's wonderful. Unpack that lot, I'm gonna see if Suzette's all right. She puts the bags at the kitchen counter and leaves. WILF: I won't tell her. Best not. Just keep it as our little secret, eh? DONNA: Yeah. WILF: And you go with him, that wonderful Doctor. You go and see the stars. And then bring a bit of 'em back, for your old Gramps. She nods, then gets up to hug him and kisses his head. DONNA: Love you. She walks out, fighting back her tears. Donna enters the TARDIS. MARTHA: How were they? DONNA: Oh, same old stuff. (She wipes off a tear and tries to sound casual). They're fine. So! You gonna come with us? We're not exactly short of space. MARTHA: Oh, I have missed all this, but, you know. I'm good here. Back at home. And I'm better for having been away. Besides, (she shows her engagement ring) someone needs me. Never mind the universe, I've got a great big world of my own now! She walks towards the door, but suddenly it shuts and the TARDIS shakes wildly as it sets to flight. They all cling to different objects to hold their balance. Under the console, the hand in the jar is bubbles wildly. DOCTOR: What? What!? MARTHA: Doctor, don't you dare! DOCTOR: No, no, no! I didn't touch anything! We're in flight, it's not me! DONNA: Where are we going? DOCTOR: I don't know, it's out of control! MARTHA: Doctor, just listen to me! You take me home, take me home right now!

Plan: A: Sylvia; Q: Who frees Wilfred? A: The Doctor; Q: Who constructs an atmospheric converter at Rattigan's academy? A: Donna; Q: Who does the Doctor tell to re-engage the teleport pods? A: the TARDIS; Q: What is the name of the Doctor's time machine? A: a counterattack; Q: What does UNIT manage? A: the real Martha; Q: Who does the Doctor awaken in the factory? A: Martha's clone; Q: Who tells the Doctor that the gas is being used to convert Earth into a breeding world for the Sontarans? A: Rattigan; Q: Who sacrifices himself to destroy the Sontarans? A: the humans; Q: Who does the Doctor's atmospheric converter allow to breathe? A: Staal; Q: Who does the Doctor offer the chance to retreat? A: places; Q: Rattigan switches __________ with the Doctor. Summary: Sylvia frees Wilfred. The Doctor and Donna return to the ATMOS factory, where the Doctor warns UNIT not to engage the Sontarans. The Doctor tells Donna to stay in the TARDIS, but the Sontarans teleport the TARDIS aboard their ship. The Sontarans defeat UNIT at the factory and take it over. UNIT manages a counterattack. Finding the TARDIS missing, the Doctor tells Donna to re-engage the teleport pods. The Doctor enters the factory and awakens the real Martha. The Doctor learns from Martha's clone that the gas is being used to convert Earth into a breeding world for the Sontarans. The Doctor tells Donna how to use the pods and teleport the TARDIS to Earth. The Doctor constructs an atmospheric converter at Rattigan's academy, which harmlessly ignites the gas and allows the humans to breathe. He calibrates the converter so it can ignite the Sontarans on board their ship, and teleports on board. The Doctor offers Staal the chance to retreat, but Staal encourages him to destroy them. Rattigan switches places with the Doctor, sacrificing himself to destroy the Sontarans. Martha is trapped on the TARDIS when it takes flight on its own.

Act 1 Scene 1 - Frasier's Apartment [Martin comes in with Eddie. Frasier is sitting on the couch reading a newspaper whilst Daphne is doing the cleaning.] Martin: [talking to Eddie first] Slow down! Hey Daphne, guess what Eddie ate in the park today? Daphne: Ooh let's see. A hot dog wrapper? Martin: No. Guess again. Daphne: A cigarette butt? Martin: No. Guess again. Daphne: Apple core? Martin: No. Guess again. Frasier: [becoming increasingly exasperated] Oh really, must you two play this ridiculous game? She makes some feeble stab and you say "No. Guess again." Then she starts flailing away with even more ludicrous answers, all the while you chanting "Guess again", until she's gibbering like some auctioneer with a bad bladder. Then you finally reveal the answer at which point nobody even cares. Daphne: [looking at Martin] I'm not sure which one of us got the worst of that, but I think it was you. Martin: Guess again. [The doorbell rings and Frasier goes to answer. It's Niles.] Frasier: Niles. Niles: There's a half-eaten lizard in your elevator! Martin: And that's the last hint you're getting. Niles: [reaching for his pocket] Oh Frasier, I had a breakthrough today with one of my compulsive gamblers and he gave me two tickets to the racetrack on Saturday. It's a luxury box - I though you might want to go. Frasier: Oh I would love to Niles. Why don't you want to use them? Niles: Well, the jockeys if you must know. Frasier: What? Niles: Diminutive, underweight figures in expensive silks wielding riding crops. It just reminded me too much of Maris. Frasier: Dad, what about you? I've never known you to turn down the horses. Martin: Ah, sorry. I've got poker with the guys. Frasier: Oh well then. I'll just call one of my friends. [Frasier walks towards the phone before stopping suddenly] Jeez. This is sort of embarrassing. The first three names on my list are all back in Boston. Daphne: What about someone from your wine club? Frasier: Oh well truth be told Daphne, those people are insufferable bores unless they have a glass in their hands. Sherry, Niles? Niles: Please. Frasier: Oh I know. How about Ed O'Hanlon? Niles: Moved away last year. Frasier: Ooh, how about Edmund Kelly? If I know old Ed he'd never leave Seattle. Niles: Indeed not. They buried him here three years ago. Frasier: Dear me. Really? I'll miss him. Niles: Yes. Three years from now when you think of him again there'll be a void! Frasier: My God how did this happen? I've been back here for two years and I've yet to forge any new friendships. Martin: [wriggling about uncomfortably in his chair] You'd better watch it Frasier. Next thing you know you're gonna be like one of these old people who are so set in their ways that they're only happy hanging around with people who are the same as they are. [Cut to Eddie wriggling about on his back on the floor.] Frasier: What exactly is your point Dad? That I've lost my knack for making friends? Martin: Well I hate to bring it up but you never were very good at it. It was always you and Niles ever since you were kids. The two of you always holed up in that damned garage - at least until you burned it down. Daphne: You burned down the garage? Niles: Well, between Frasier and his Bunsen burner and me and my mosquito repellent...in retrospect it was unavoidable! Frasier: Still, you know Dad, I did have friends in college and back in Boston. It's only since I moved to Seattle that I've started falling back on Niles. Niles: Ooh - "falling back on Niles"? Frasier: Niles, you know what I mean. Settling for what's comfortable and familiar. My God, you and I can go out together and I know what you're thinking before you even say it. Niles: Well then I'm sorry you had to hear that Frasier! Frasier: You know what? This would make a wonderful topic for my show. "Making New Friends" What are we so afraid of? Martin: Why do you make everything so complicated? You wanna meet somebody new? You just walk up to him, stick out your hand and say "Hi. How you doing?" Frasier: Thank you Dad. I can always count on you not to overthink something. Martin: Thanks [realises what Frasier has just said] Hey! Scene 2 - KACL MAYBE JUST A SHAMPOO AND SET [Frasier is doing his show while Roz looks on.] Frasier: So why is it we have so much trouble making friends? Is it because we've become closed off? No longer want to reach out to our fellow man? Well I'd like to think that if one of you listeners out there happened to see me on the street you'd feel free to walk right on up to me and... Roz: Excuse me Dr. Crane, we have to stop for a very important public service announcement [waits for show to go off air] HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? You're opening yourself up to every creep out there! Frasier: Oh Roz that's exactly the kind of cynicism I'm talking about. I, for one, happen to believe in the kindness of strangers. Roz: Well I believe in the strangeness of strangers! [signals show is about to start again] Three seconds. Frasier: Hi, we're back with the topic of friendship. Now let's go to the switchboard. Roz, who's on line one? Roz: Good news Dr. Crane. It's Gerard from Stanwood. A new friend. Frasier: Hello Gerard. I'm listening. Gerard: Well I called for another reason Dr. Crane. But what you just said really moved me. I wish more people felt that way. Frasier: Well thank you Gerard. I sense a kindred spirit. Gerard: Maybe we could get together some time? Have a beer? Maybe I could...you know...comb your hair? [Roz gives Frasier the "thumbs up". The scene fades out and back in to Frasier still taking increasingly stranger calls from the listeners.] Frasier: Well thank you so much for your offer of friendship George but I really don't have five thousand dollars to invest in your French fries vending machine. And for the sake of those who do invest I suggest, Sir, that you find a better name than "The Spuddy Buddy". This is Dr. Frasier Crane wishing you all good mental health. I mean that today more than ever! Roz: [entering the booth looking smug] I just love it when I'm right. It makes the day so good. Frasier: You stacked the deck didn't you? Roz: Oh please. You should have heard some of the calls I didn't put through let alone these faxes. Read some of these. They're sick. Frasier: Oh Roz my listeners are not sick...[reads some of the faxes]...although this one does bear watching! Here's one that has promise. "Dear Dr. Crane. I never thought I'd write a letter like this but I was moved by today's show. As a photographer I come into contact with new people on a daily basis yet I often find it difficult to make that one on one connection. However your words offered hope and I just wanted to say thank you. Sincerely. Bob Reynolds." Roz: Doesn't sound too wacky. Frasier: You know what? I think I'm going to give Mr. Bob Reynolds a call. Roz: Are you nuts? He could be a raving psychopath with a trunkful of decomposing squirrels. Frasier: Oh rubbish Roz. I'm going to call him. Where did you come up with such a disgusting image? Roz: [handing Frasier another fax] Meet Garth from Tacoma. Scene 3 - Café Nervosa BUTANE AND THE BEAST [Frasier and Niles are sitting at their usual table.] Niles: You're late today but I'm glad you're here. I need your help. My designer is ready to mutiny if I don't pick a fabric for my new couch. Now I've brought lots of swatches so make yourself comfortable. Frasier: Frankly Niles I'm not here to see you. I'm meeting a new friend. Niles: A new friend? Frasier: Yes, you remember I was talking about widening my circle of friends. Niles: Oh I see. No more "falling back on Niles" Frasier: It's not that I'm trying to replace you Niles. It's just that Bob and I... Niles: Bob? You're dumping me for someone named Bob? Frasier: Niles I am not dumping you. I'm just worried that Bob might feel awkward meeting the two of us. Niles: Oh well we wouldn't want to make Bob feel uncomfortable now would we? I mean after all I've only been your brother for...[looking at watch]...38 years now. What does that mean when there's the possibility that Bob may feel awkward? Waitress: [to Frasier] There's a man over there who says he's waiting for you. Niles: No doubt the much ballyhooed Bob! Frasier: Niles. Niles: Oh it's all right. It's all right. I'll go quietly. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I'll just go home to my Maris. Oh [slapping his hand off his head] that's right! [Niles leaves the Café. Frasier goes and joins Bob at another table.] Frasier: Bob? Bob: Dr. Crane. Frasier: Call me Frasier. Bob: Frasier then. I'm glad you called. Frasier: [looks over at the counter] Coffee please. Well uh...so. Bob: So. Frasier: So. Listen, thank you for your fax. Bob: I listen to your show all the time. I think you're brilliant. You're probably sick of hearing that though right? Frasier: One would think but it's my cross. Bob: That's the thing I love about your show. You're not just serious. You can be funny. Frasier: Well, I believe humour can be a therapeutic tool. Bob: Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. Frasier: Mark Twain. "The Mysterious Stranger". I have a first edition. Bob: I'm a collector myself. Frasier: You know I was a bit trepidatious about this experiment Bob, but I'm feeling a real simpatico here. Bob: Yeah, me too. Frasier: I'm going to go out on a limb. What do you say once we finish these coffees we treat ourselves to a proper dinner? Bob: Hey that sounds great. Frasier: OK. [notices a book on the table] Say, what are you reading? Bob: It's my bible. "The Big Book of Barbecue" by Jeff Filgo. He's a Texan. Of course all Texans think they invented barbecue. Arrogant bastards! You like barbecue? Frasier: Well...um...national holiday...4th July. Bob: You know the secret to good barbecue? Mesquite. And the secret to mesquite is you gotta soak them in water for 10 minutes. On special occasions I'll soak them in beer. Once I soaked them in Sake for that [quotes with fingers] "flavour of the Far East". You know in Japan they call their barbecues "hibachis"? The arrogant bastards! I'm digging my own barbecue pit right now... [The scene fades out and back in with Bob still extolling the virtues of Barbecues and Frasier growing weary whilst trying to force a smile.] Bob: ...my speciality is the Shian Smoky Quail. The trick is a high engulfing flame. Like a forest fire. Of course they call forest fires "nature's barbecue". You know my co-workers call me "Shish-ka-Bob"? Frasier: Well Bob. Do you have any charcoal free interests? Bob: Yeah I'm a professional photographer. [quotes with fingers] The camera never lies. Frasier: I'm a bit of a camera buff myself. What's your trade? Photo journalist? Bob: I take kids portraits at Value-Mart [quotes with fingers] Where your dollar buys more! You know what? Why don't we talk about this over dinner? [Frasier goes to the counter to get the cheque looking less than pleased. While he does so Bob moves away from the table and we see that he is in a wheelchair.] Frasier: You know, Bob, about that dinner? [sees the wheel chair] How about Tex-Mex? Bob: [putting on a ridiculous tartan bunnet] You're talking my language. [Bob wheels himself out the Café. His wheel chair has an awful squeak and Frasier follows uneasily.] Act 2 Scene 1 - Frasier's Apartment [Martin and Daphne are in the kitchen. Daphne is making Martin a healthshake for breakfast.] Daphne: [pulling Martin's unhealthy breakfast out his hand.] No you don't. I'm fixing you a breakfast drink with fresh fruit, yoghurt, carob, pitted prunes. A healthy body makes for a sunny disposition. Martin: [menacingly] You want sunny? Let me have my fritter. Daphne: Oh shush. [whisks the drink] There we are. Martin: There just aren't enough drinks that build up a nice head of black foam! [Martin walks through to the living room to find Frasier sitting at the table drinking a coffee.] Frasier: Morning. Martin: Well you were home late last night. Frasier: I had dinner with a new friend. Bob. Martin: Oh that's right. Have a good time? Frasier: Hardly. The man talks endlessly on subjects that are of no interest to anyone but him. Martin: [sarcastic] Gee. I can't imagine what that's like. Frasier: Oh Dad. He took me to this God-awful barbecue place. All they serve is huge platters of charred greasy beef. The only sound you can hear is the gnawing of meat, the smacking of lips and the clatter of bones hitting the floor. Martin: I can't take it any more. I'm having that fritter! Daphne: If you don't like this man why did you have dinner with him? Frasier: Well I was going to tell him that I didn't want to see him anymore but you see it's a bit more delicate than just that. The problem is he's in a wheel chair. Daphne: So what? If you don't like him you don't like him. Frasier: Well I know that. It's just that I'd hate to have him think it was just because of the chair. Daphne: I have worked with the disabled for over 10 years now. And if it's one thing I've learned they don't want special treatment. Martin: [comes out of the kitchen] Oh I forgot to bring in the paper. [puts a pained look on his face all of a sudden.] Daphne would you get it? My leg's just aching and throbbing! [The doorbell rings.] Frasier: I'll get it. You know, Daphne, you're right? I was kind of a coward wasn't I? Well, at least I got through the evening. [Frasier answers the door to find Bob wearing the bunnet, newspaper in hand and the awful squeak still there as he wheels himself in.] Bob: Here's your paper Buddy! Frasier: Bob you're here. Did we have plans? Bob: No. I was in the neighbourhood. Just thought I'd stop by. Frasier: Did I mention where I lived? I'm astonishingly sure I didn't. Bob: You'd be amazed what you can find out with computers today. Anyway - brought bagels, poppy seeds, pumpernickel, rye, sesame, onion, garlic. 'Cos after all breakfast is the [quotes with fingers] most important meal of the day. Hey-ho you must be Martin. You're Daphne. Martin: And you must be Bob. Bob: That's me. Bob! Same forwards as backwards. [Martin and Daphne both laugh. However Frasier is clearly not happy.] Scene 2 - KACL THE SQUEAKY WHEEL GIVES THE GRIEF [Frasier has just finished his show. Roz is in the booth handing him a bunch of notes.] Roz: Got some messages. Bob. Bob. And...oh look...here's one from Bob. Frasier: [in desperation] 2 weeks and 45 phone calls. Can't we just get an unlisted number? Roz: They sort of frown on that with call-in shows. Frasier - you've got to do something about Bob. Frasier: I know Roz. I'm working up to it. Roz: You know the longer you put it off the worse he's going to feel when you finally tell him. Frasier: Yes I know that. I'm a psychiatrist. I'm quite capable of dealing with difficult problems in a sensitive mature fashion...[opens the door to leave]...Wait! Did you hear that? That squeak! Roz: What squeak? Frasier: [worried] He's here. It's Bob! Roz: I don't hear anything. Frasier: Oh that's right. Only dogs and I can hear it. Roz: Frasier, you're being paranoid. [From the distance we hear the unmistakable squeaking sound of Bob's wheelchair. Frasier looks panicked.] Frasier: It's the sound of his chair. I'd know it anywhere. [Frasier looks out the booth's window and sees a tartan bunnet move ominously past the crest of the window like a shark's dorsal. Frasier wails in distress and crawls under the window ledge before hiding behind his desk. Bob comes in.] Roz: Hi Bob. Bob: Knock Knock Roz. Frasier around? Roz: You just missed him. Bob: Too bad. I got great news. I checked out that vacancy in his apartment building and guess who's gonna be neighbours? [A muffled scream is heard from beyond.] Bob: What was that? Roz: Feedback. This equipment's old [looking in Frasier's direction] and pathetic! Bob: Well maybe I can catch Frasier back at his place...correction, our place. Roz: Bye Bob. Bob: Bye Roz. [Bob exits. Roz moves round to the back of the desk to find Frasier still cowering.] [SCENE_BREAK] Roz: OK he's gone. You can come out now. Frasier: No he's not. He's never really gone! Roz: So Bob's gonna be your new neighbour? [hillbilly accent] Well, break out the butane there every Barbecue day! [N.B. Peri Gilpin was born and raised in Waco, Texas.] Frasier: NO! NO! He's not going to move into my building. I won't allow it. I'm going to talk to him Roz. Listen, I could use your advice. You've broken up with a lot of people. What do you find to be the most effective thing to say? Roz: I love you and I want to have your baby. Frasier: Good, I've got my fallback. Scene 3 - Café Nervosa. [Niles is ordering a coffee. Frasier rushes in.] Frasier: Ooh Niles, Niles. I need to talk. Bob's meeting me here...[notices the coffees in Niles' hand]...this isn't my usual. Niles: Well it's not for you. It's for my friend. [Niles motions over towards a man sitting at their usual table. He's dressed fairly casually and doesn't look a typical "Niles friend".] Frasier: That man is your friend? Niles: Yep. We share thoughts, feelings. We talk about the arts, current events. Today we're just...hangin'! [Niles goes to sit down with his new friend (Ralph). Meanwhile in the background we hear the "squeak" before Bob enters to join Frasier.] Niles: [handing Ralph a coffee] There you are. Ralph: Thanks. Niles: My pleasure. Ralph: You know, I can't stay long. I've got 4 more pools to clean today besides yours and I'm gonna to lose sunlight. Niles: You know, Ralph, I was thinking that in many ways my profession is a lot like yours. I start out skimming the surface of the human psyche. Then I plunge ever deeper into the murky undercurrents, adding chemicals when necessary. Ralph: [at a loss for words]...There's a lot of leaves this year! [The scene switches to Frasier and Bob's table.] Bob: I'm glad you called. I was starting to get self-conscious here. It seems like I'm always the one calling or stopping by or suggesting dinner or movies or shopping for hats. Oh [taking out a similarly hideous tartan bunnet to his] I got you a beaut! Frasier: [forcing a smile] Bob. You really shouldn't have. Bob: I knew you'd like it, neighbour. Frasier: About that Bob. Have you actually signed a lease yet? Bob: No. Why? Frasier: Well, we need to talk. Bob: Whoa. If you were a woman I'd swear you were dumping me. [Bob laughs whilst Frasier looks awkward. The scene switches back to Niles and Ralph's table where Niles is showing Ralph different sections of coloured wallpaper.] Ralph: Blue one's nice. Niles: Mmm. I'm just concerned that blue might be a bit overbearing on a couch of that size. Although it might complement that Killin rug I was telling you about. What do you think? Ralph: [staring deadpan at Niles] I live in my van! Niles: So you'd probably go for colours that add the illusion of space? Ralph: You know, Dr. Crane to be perfectly honest, when you asked if I wanted coffee - I thought you were gonna bring me one. Niles: Duly noted Ralph. Next week you can go back to drinking from the hose. [Ralph gets up and leaves. The scene switches back to Frasier and Bob's table.] Frasier: You see I just don't think there's a basis between us for a sound friendship. Neither of us should feel bad about it. Bob: That's easy for you to say. You're not the one being rejected. Frasier: No, no. I'm not rejecting you. Truth is you're pleasant. You're charming. Bob: Frasier, I'm an adult here. At least respect me enough to tell me what it is you don't like about me. Frasier: Well all right, all right. We have absolutely nothing in common. You talk on endlessly about subjects that I have no interest in. You call me all the time. Frankly you're suffocating me! Bob: [looking hurt] Wow. I don't know what to say. I wish you'd said something sooner. Frasier: I wanted to. Frankly I was afraid you'd think it was because of the...you know... Bob: The what? Frasier: The wheelchair. Bob: Why would I think that? Frasier: I don't know. I just wanted you to know that. Bob: I wish it did have to do with the chair. Frasier: I beg your pardon. Bob: Well, if the chair were your problem that would make you a jerk. This way, I'm the jerk. Frasier: Well, I wouldn't say that. Bob: Come on, you just did. You just said I'm boring and obnoxious. Who knows people better than you? You can keep the hat. [Bob turns to leave.] Frasier: Bob, wait, please. I've got to level with you. Truth is I find nothing wrong with you. I was just ashamed to admit it. It is the chair. Bob: What? Frasier: [clearly lying] I think frankly that you are wonderful company. Wildly stimulating. Your hobbies are so fascinating. [picks up his tartan bunnet] You have a sense of style that really, I mean, doesn't compare to anyone's. It's just me. I feel petty and small about it but I can't get past the chair. I'm sorry Bob. Please. [Frasier gets up to leave] I'm sorry. This is goodbye. Bob: I don't believe this. You don't want to be my friend 'cos I'm in a wheelchair. Waitress: [listening nearby] What? That's the worst thing I've ever heard! Frasier: [protesting] Look. You don't understand. Bob: What's not to understand. You just said flat out - my chair repulses you [By now a crowd is forming around them.] Patron #1: What kind of a person does that? Frasier: Well... Patron #2: I've got a birthmark on my back. I guess we can't be friends either! Frasier: [in desperation] People please. Frankly this doesn't concern any of you. Bob: When I think about all the gifts I gave you. All the barbecue sauce - Hot 'n' Spicy, Tex Mex, Mesquite, Teriyaki, Honey Mustard... Frasier: [getting mad] Oh For God's sake Bob - put a sock in it. Patron #2: [to Bob] We were just on our way to dinner. Would you like to join us? Bob: I'd love to. [Bob turns to leave with the couple grabbing Frasier's tartan bunnet on the way.] Bob: So. You guys like barbecue? Patron#1: Yeah. Who doesn't? [The crowd moves away looking at Frasier. Frasier is left standing alone in the centre of the Café. He turns to look at his usual table where Niles is sitting. Niles looks away for a second before pushing out the other chair at the table with his foot. Frasier sits down slowly looking extremely guilty.] Niles: Are these wing tips too busy with these pants? Frasier: Well, yes. They're a bit frenzied. Perhaps a woven lace would tone down the glitz. Niles: Might have to go overseas for that. Frasier: No, not at all. You can get them downtown. Niles: Well, who shops downtown anymore? Frasier: Well I do for one... [The scene fades out with Frasier and Niles continuing to discuss their personal fashion intricacies.] [SCENE_BREAK] Back in Frasier's kitchen Daphne is making another healthshake for Martin who looks on disapprovingly. Daphne turns her back for a minute so Martin opens up the whisk and puts in a doughnut before she can notice. She turns around before martin motions to her to get something else. When she turns her back again he pours in his can of beer.

Plan: A: the race track; Q: What does Niles have tickets for? A: the jockeys; Q: What reminds Frasier of Maris? A: Maris; Q: Who does Frasier think of when he sees the jockeys? A: Martin; Q: Who declines Niles' invitation to the race track? A: his old ones; Q: Frasier realizes that he has a shortage of friends in Seattle, as most of what are back in Boston? A: friendship; Q: What does Frasier talk about on the radio? A: Café Nervosa; Q: Where does Frasier meet Bob? A: Their initial friendship dwindles; Q: What happens to Frasier's friendship with Bob? A: common interests; Q: What do Frasier and Bob lack? A: a photographer; Q: What is Bob's occupation? A: a local discount store; Q: Where does Bob work? A: an obsessive interest; Q: What does Bob have in barbecue? A: a wheelchair; Q: What is Bob in? Summary: Niles has tickets for the race track at the weekend, and offers them to Frasier; he prefers not to go, as something about the jockeys reminds him of Maris. When Martin declines the invitation to join him, Frasier realizes that he has a shortage of friends in Seattle, as most of his old ones are back in Boston. After talking on radio about friendship, he meets up with Bob, a listener who called in, at Café Nervosa. Their initial friendship dwindles as their lack of common interests becomes apparent: Bob, a photographer at a local discount store, likes wearing a tam o'shanter and has an obsessive interest in barbecue. Frasier finds it difficult to break off the friendship when he sees that Bob is in a wheelchair.

STARS HOLLOW BABY SHOP - EXTERIOR [Lorelai and Rory exit] RORY: Are you sure we got enough plain onesies? LORELAI: Let me see. 40 people have RSVP'ed yes to Lane's shower, and we bought 60 onesies for them to decorate. I don't want to go all "Beautiful Mind" on you, but according to my calculations... RORY: Yes, Mr. Nash, but you are forgetting about the first-pancake phenomenon. LORELAI: Eh? RORY: Yes the first pancake - you know you always throw it out. What if people start decorating their onesies and they hate what they do, so they want to start over and we don't have enough onesies because we only estimated one each? LORELAI: Why do you throw out the first pancake? RORY: Well the griddle's too hot. It gets burned. LORELAI: Oh, my god. Next year, no excuses. We are making you that audition tape for "Top Chef." RORY: This is pretty basic stuff. LORELAI: Do you do it with hamburgers and waffles, too? RORY: No, it's pancake-specific. LORELAI: Oh, my goodness. Well, that's good news, because onesies are the exact opposite of pancakes. They're totally impossible to screw up. You can slap anything on a onesie and it looks cute. RORY: Anything? LORELAI: Yeah. Alligator, fried egg, tools -- these are not generally considered cute items. RORY: "I'll take the adorable Phillips-head --" not something you hear normally. LORELAI: [In a high pitch voice] But you put that on a little onesie... RORY: You're right - it's pretty damn cute. LORELAI: So cute. All right, we got streamers and balloons, and the cake's in the fridge. The chairs are getting delivered later. All we have to do now is go home and decorate. RORY: But did we agree on one table for presents or two? LORELAI: One. RORY: Well, don't you think two would be better? LORELAI: One is fine. RORY: Okay. But I'm not going for "fine," you know? Lane's shower cannot be fine. I want it to be great. LORELAI: It will be. RORY: Yeah but how do you know? I don't have the best track record. Lane's bachelorette party, we ended up in Brian's Aunt's basement. [Rory's cell phone rings] LORELAI: Well, it was your first pancake. RORY: Hmm. Hold on. [Answering the phone] Hello? Yes, this is Rory. Um... [mouthing to Lorelai] New York Times. [Both girls are excited] Hi. Um, thank you for calling me back. Thank you so much. Um. Yes. Uh...a-as a matter of fact, I will be. The corner of 9th and -- great. Um, okay. Uh, I'll see you then. [Ends the call] Oh, my god. LORELAI: The New York Times? RORY: The New York Times! LORELAI: They called you? RORY: Oh my... LORELAI: Why did they call you? RORY: Well... LORELAI: Don't even answer. I mean if I was the New York Times, I would be like, "get me Rory Gilmore on the phone, stat." RORY: "Stat"? LORELAI: Whatever the equivalent of "stat" is in the news. RORY: "Now"? LORELAI: No! At the New York Times, the language is very fancy. You say "promptly," "presently," "two shakes of a lamb's tail." Why did they call you? RORY: Well, okay, remember that guy Hugo Gray that I met at Logan's work party, the guy who edits the online magazine? LORELAI: Yeah, you're writing pieces for him. RORY: Exactly. well Hugo has an in at the times -- this guy A.J. Abrams. He's an assistant managing editor -- really big. And he gave me A.J.'s number and said that I should call him and see if he would get together with me for coffee so I could pick his brain. LORELAI: A.J.'s brain? RORY: Well, Hugo's brain had been picked clean. LORELAI: Hmm. RORY: But, yeah, I called A.J., And I never heard anything back. I didn't think he was gonna call me, but that was him just now on the phone, and he said that if I was gonna be in the city tomorrow around 1:00, he could meet me for coffee. And I said, "oh, well, as a matter of fact, I will be." He said something about a place on 9th, and I said, "okay," and he said, "see you tomorrow," and I said, "see you then." LORELAI: Oh, my god, if this is any indication of the crackling spitfire dialogue to come at your coffee tomorrow -- ha! RORY: Well this is the worst possible time, but I just couldn't say no. LORELAI: No, you couldn't say no. I mean, let's face it. "Top Chef" is a long shot. This is the New York Times. RORY: I know but I have so much to do to get ready for Lane's baby shower. LORELAI: I'll take care of it. RORY: Are you sure? LORELAI: Yes, I'm like a professional party-thrower. RORY: Well, I know, but... LORELAI: No buts. RORY: Okay, I mean -- that would be great. I should probably spend the night at Logan's tonight. My laptop's there. I need to print out my résumé. I should. God, I need to prepare. I mean he's gonna expect me to ask him really intelligent questions. LORELAI: Honey you've been asking intelligent questions since you were 3. RORY: Yeah I know, he's probably expecting something a little more sophisticated. LORELAI: Than "what is a color?" 'cause that one, like, blew my mind. RORY: Mm. Something a little more newspaper-related, at the very least. LORELAI: You're gonna be great. RORY: I hope so I mean even if they don't have an opening there, he knows people all across the country, you know? If I impress him, he can set me up with some really good leads. LORELAI: Yeah, well, tell him your mother thinks you're spectacular. RORY: I will do. Oh, my god. The New York Times called me -- and not the subscriptions department. OPENING CREDITS LORELAI'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM [Lorelai is decorating] LORELAI: How's the sign? Is it straight? SOOKIE: Oh, it's cute. Oh the S, that's funny. LORELAI: Thanks. SOOKIE: Not what you asked. LORELAI: No. SOOKIE: Hit me again. LORELAI: Is the sign straight? SOOKIE: Uh, perfect. LORELAI: Great. SOOKIE: Ooh, Angelina and Brad had their baby... months and months ago! LORELAI: Yeah, you're a little behind the times. SOOKIE: This is the problem with having two kids under the age of 4 -- world events just, you know, pass you by. LORELAI: Are you done with those favors? SOOKIE: Mm-hmm. I cannot believe Britney is driving with her baby on her lap like that. What is she doing with that guy, by the way? LORELAI: Well, you'll be glad to know they've since broken up, although it turns out he was kind of a stabilizing influence in her life. Who knew! SOOKIE: You're kidding. LORELAI: Um Hmm. I know -- why don't you blow up some more balloons or hang some streamers? SOOKIE: I would love to, but it seems like the baby really wants me to just keep sitting here and reading "In Touch". LORELAI: You know that excuse expires the minute you pop that baby out. SOOKIE: Yep, but I've got 128 lazy days left. LORELAI: Hey, why don't you go through the stack of pictures? 'Cause Rory is looking for one of Lane that she wants to blow up. SOOKIE: Ooh, baby pictures -- fun! What do we got? Oh, god. Ooh! This one is so cute. LORELAI: That's just of Rory, though. SOOKIE: I know. She was just an itty-bitty, teeny, little, cutie-patootie, wasn't she? LORELAI: Yeah, she's cute. SOOKIE: Oh, she weally, weally was, wasn't she? LORELAI: Seriously, with the voice... SOOKIE: Well, sorry. I'm hormonal. [Gasps] I just can't believe this wittle girl might be working at the New York Times. LORELAI: Yeah she's not so wittle anymore. Hey, less Rory, more Lane. SOOKIE: Don't blame me. I'm not the one that got camera-happy for this Rory kid. LORELAI: Alright you know what I'm gonna call Mrs. Kim. She'll have some good ones. Have you seen the phone? SOOKIE: See, the thing is, when I sat down, I realized it was behind me, kind of right on my lower back, and normally I would have, you know, pulled it out, but it's really kind of hitting just the right spot where I've had a knot for like a week. Did I mention I was pregnant? [Hands Lorelai the phone] LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Logan comes home, it's night and the room is dark. Logan enters and throws his coat which knocks over something , waking up Rory.] RORY: Logan? LOGAN: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Go back to bed. Go back to bed. RORY: Logan, it's really late. LOGAN: I know. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Go back to bed. [Looking in the fridge] Is this all the cheese that we have? I could have sworn we had more cheese. RORY: It's 3:00 in the morning. LOGAN: I know. [chucking something to Rory] Here, keep that closed. We're gonna need that in the sandwich-making process. RORY: Where were you? LOGAN: What? I was at work. RORY: What you were at work till 3:00 in the morning? LOGAN: I work till 3:00 all the time. I mean, not tonight -- tonight, I worked till about 10:00, and that's when Philip and I. We got something to drink, and then a little something turned into a lot of something. RORY: Yeah! LOGAN: Who keeps bread in the refrigerator? I hate cold bread. God, these twist ties are impossible. RORY: Okay, move. LOGAN: What? RORY: I'll make you a sandwich. LOGAN: You will? RORY: Yes, I will. LOGAN: Oh, you're so sweet. RORY: Well, I'm not being sweet. You're just making a mess. LOGAN: I should have called you. RORY: Yes, you should have. LOGAN: Uh-oh. You're mad. RORY: Yes, I'm mad. I was worried about you. I called you four times before I went to sleep, okay? You didn't answer, no call back. LOGAN: I'm sorry. RORY: You're sorry? LOGAN: Well, my phone was on "off." Which totally sounds like it's on, but it's not. It's on "off," which is on "off." On "off," got it? RORY: I get it. LOGAN: What, I'm not allowed to go out with my friends every once in a while? I work hard, okay? I, Life is hard. I just -- I need to... RORY: You need to what? LOGAN: I need to not be doing this right now, okay? You know what, forget the sandwich. I'm just gonna go to bed. [Logan takes of his jacket and climbs into bed fully dressed] RORY: [Sighs] LUKE'S DINER ZACH: So you're telling me you won't eat this oatmeal? CUSTOMER: These are rolled oats repeatedly cut, twice steamed, and processed extensively. ZACH: And the oatmeal you thought you were ordering was... CUSTOMER: Steel cut, which are whole-grain oats, retaining the more natural, nutty flavor of the original oat kernels. ZACH: Okay, okay. I think I got it. You're like an analog guy with a CD. You miss the vinyl's cool scratches and pops. I think I can work with that. [Goes to the counter. Too Luke] This dude over here wants to replace this with some sort of steel oatmeal. LUKE: Tell him we've got it but it takes forever to cook, and then deliver those plates to table 5. ZACH: I'm on it. KIRK: Luke, check it out. I've been published. LUKE: You have? KIRK: Mother wanted to sell her dinette set, so I put pen to paper, got my creative juices flowing, and voil. LUKE: You put a want ad in the stars hollow gazette? KIRK: It's a powerful feeling seeing yourself immortalized in print. Sure, it's only newsprint. It rips easily, it comes off on your fingers, and the next day, people use it to wrap fish, but, hey, it's how Dickens got started. LUKE: In want ads? KIRK: Man, this thing really flows -- "Vintage dinette set, Formica, barely chipped, priced to move." It's precise, efficient, Hemingwayesque in its terse simplicity. [Too Zach] Hey, with two buns in the oven, you wouldn't be interested in a dinette set, would you? Seats four. ZACH: No, thanks, man. Hey, Luke, you still haven't RSVP'ed for the baby shower. LUKE: Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna go. ZACH: Oh, really? LUKE: Yeah, it's not my thing, you know? But there's a gift for you in the back. You should take it before you leave. KIRK: Wait -- gifts are required? ZACH: Oh yeah, that's kind of the whole point. I mean at least that's how Lane talked me into the whole thing. KIRK: Damn. It's my first baby shower. I've been so caught up with the wardrobe question. Just to clarify, people don't actually dress like babies, do they? [Luke looks up] ZACH: I think what you're wearing is fine, dude. Luke, you should come. LUKE: Yeah, thanks. ZACH: Look, it's not gonna be too much of a rager -- real mellow vibe, and I promise not too much baby stuff. There won't be anything weird or queer about it at all. LUKE: I'll think about it. KIRK: Listen to this one -- "Does the spray of the open ocean call your name?" Evocative, huh? This guy can write. "Sturdy 15-foot fishing boat. Back-to-back seats, closed bow, meticulously handcrafted." How far out of town is 1211 Elmwood? LUKE: 1211 Elmwood? KIRK: That's what it says here. LUKE: Let me see that. That's my boat! KIRK: Really? How much are you asking? Because I wasn't looking for a boat, but that ad is so snappy, it makes me think I wouldn't mind owning one. MRS KIM ANTIQUES MRS KIM: So what's it going to be, yes or no? CUSTOMER: Well I really like them. I'm just not sure how they're gonna work in the room. MRS KIM: They will work they are teak. Teak is a hard working wood. CUSTOMER: How about I take them out on memo? MRS KIM: Memo? CUSTOMER: You know. Bring them home, see how they look, if I like them, then I'll buy them. MRS KIM: No I do not work with memos, I work with money. You buy them then and you take them home. [Lorelai enters from the front door.] CUSTOMER: What if they don't fit next to the bed. MRS KIM: Then you get a new bed. LORELAI: Hi Mrs Kim. MRS KIM: Lorelai. LORELAI: How's business? MRS KIM: People die, go bankrupt, there is always furniture to sell. LORELAI: Sounds good. MRS KIM: You come for pictures of Lane? LORELAI: Yeah. MRS KIM: Here you are. LORELAI: Thanks. MRS KIM: [holding off handing them over] I am giving these to you in pristine condition and I expect that is how they will be returned. Do not cut them up or put glue on the back. LORELAI: I will do my best. [Mrs Kim pulls them away from Lorelai's hand again] I will return them in the condition they were received. [She hand them over] See you at the show. [Lorelai starts to leave] MRS KIM: Ah, no you won't. LORELAI: Why? MRS KIM: I'm not going. LORELAI: Not going to you daughters baby shower, why not? MRS KIM: Lane knows why. LORELAI: Oh there's a problem between you two? MRS KIM: Yes. LORELAI: Maybe you could put it aside for one day? MRS KIM: No. LORELAI: It's that bigger deal? MRS KIM: Yes. LORELAI: Well is there anything Lane can say or do that can change your mind? MRS KIM: Yes. LORELAI: Does Lane know what it is? MRS KIM: Yes. LORELAI: What do I have, like 14 questions left? MRS KIM: I have work to do. LORELAI: Mrs Kim, I know Lane would really like you to be at the shower. MRS KIM: Well life is full of disappointments. You can show yourself out. [Too the customer] Too late you cannot buy those tables any more. LORELAI: Okay then. [Lorelai looks at the packet of pictures] LANE AND ZACH'S APARTMENT [Lane opens the front door] LORELAI AND LANE: [together] Hi! LORELAI: Wow. Sorry, but, hoo! Wow. LANE: I know every day, I think I can't possibly get any bigger, and then I do. LORELAI: Hmm, It's looking homey in here. LANE: Thanks. According to my book, I'm nesting. I hope it stops soon. It's sort of creeping me out. So, what's up? LORELAI: Um, well, I wanted to talk to you about your mom. LANE: Oh. LORELAI: What happened with you guys? LANE: Ask her. LORELAI: No, no, no. I've already been through that. You tell me what happened. LANE: We got in a fight. And now she says she's not coming to my baby shower. So, fine. She's not coming. I don't care. LORELAI: Lane. LANE: I don't. Why should I? She doesn't. LORELAI: Of course she does. LANE: Not more than she cares about fried shrimp. LORELAI: You lost me there. LANE: Well, last night, my mom was over. Zach had cut out an ad for the sea food festival Red Lobster. He was trying to figure out, if we went there after we had the babies, could we get the endless shrimp but at the kids' price? LORELAI: No. You can only get the kids' price when accompanied by an adult paying full price. LANE: That blows. LORELAI: I know. So then what happened? LANE: So then my mom sticks her nosy head in and said, "The children are not gonna be eating fried shrimp." And I said, "Not only are my children gonna be eating fried shrimp, they're gonna listen to whatever music they want and go to school dances, and they're not gonna spend their whole lives in church hearing about how doing all that makes them evil. In fact, they'll probably never set foot in a church at all. My kids are gonna have total freedom. End of story." LORELAI: Total freedom, huh? LANE: Yep. LORELAI: You're just gonna let them follow their passion, no matter what it is? LANE: Exactly. LORELAI: What if you get kids who are passionate about religion? I mean you may have kids who want to study the bible. LANE: Trust me -- my kids are not gonna want to study the bible. LORELAI: You don't know what your kids are gonna want. You think your mom thought she was gonna get a kid who loved Jane's Addiction? LANE: Well... LORELAI: You might get kids who are nuts for Exodus, crazy for Deuteronomy, and then what? You want them hiding their bibles under the floorboards? LANE: Well, look, if my kids want to go to bible study, they can go to bible study. LORELAI: Well, see? And then what about church? If they want to go to church, you're not gonna let them, even at Christmas, when they have the manger you know and the petting zoo with the sheep and the donkeys? LANE: Well, I might take them at Christmas. LORELAI: Okay so when you say they're never going to church, you don't really mean they're never going to church. LANE: Okay, not never, never, but mostly never. LORELAI: Can't you tell your mom that? LANE: No way. LORELAI: Can I tell your mom that? LANE: Okay, if you want, but tell her I am not bending on the shrimp thing. LORELAI: Well I got you there Fried shrimp is one of the best things on the planet. LANE: A double whammy -- unclean meat fried in unclean oil. LORELAI: That doesn't sound as good, but look at it this way. For the first year, your kids probably won't be eating solid food anyway, and I don't think they make mashed fried shrimp. LANE: So? LORELAI: So, you could tell your mother that your kids will not eat fried shrimp for at least a year, right? LANE: Well, technically. LORELAI: "Technically" is good enough for me. You sit tight. I'll be back. LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Rory is dressed for her meeting, Logan is in bed asleep.] RORY: [Sighs] It's after 12:00. Is anyone alive in there? LOGAN: I'm alive, but I think my brain is dead. RORY: I'll alert the transplant team. LOGAN: You gave away my organs? RORY: They're waiting on the roof with a cooler. LOGAN: Ah-ha. RORY: Take these. [Hands Logan some aspirin and water] LOGAN: I do will I wake up in a bathtub full of ice with no kidneys? RORY: If you did, would you feel better or worse? LOGAN: About the same. RORY: Your dad's secretary called three times this morning. LOGAN: Okay, now I feel worse. RORY: Logan, what's going on? LOGAN: Nothing. RORY: You're not gonna call your dad back? LOGAN: My head grew three sizes overnight. I'm in no condition to talk to anybody. Why are you so dressed up? RORY: Coffee with the New York Times -- the whole reason why I stayed over last night. LOGAN: Oh, yeah, that's right. That's today. RORY: Yes, and Lane's baby shower. I'm gonna need you to be ready to leave for Stars Hollow the second I get back. We're gonna be cutting it really close. Lane's shower starts at 4:00. I should be back by 2:00 or 2:30 at the latest. Got it? LOGAN: Got it. RORY: Okay, I'll just come home, grab my outfit, and we'll go. I'm gonna need you to drive because I have to change in the backseat, "Dirty Dancing"-style. [Phone rings] Do you want me to get that? LOGAN: Leave it. RORY: If you don't want to get up, I can... LOGAN: I said, "leave it." [small pause] I'm sorry. I'm sorry. [Ringing continues] RORY: I better go. I don't want to be late. ANSWERING MACHINE: It's Logan. Leave a message. [Beep] DORIS: [leaving a message] Hi, Logan. It's Doris from your father's office again. If you could just give us a call back here at the office as soon as you get this message. LOGAN: [Groans] DORIS: [continuing] I know you have the number, but just in case... LIZ AND T.J.'S GARAGE [T.J. opens the door, Liz and Luke are behind him.] T.J.: ee? Look at it. It's just sitting here gathering dust and taking up space. LIZ: Yeah if we got rid of the boat, we could turn this place into a workshop for my jewelry, and I really could use the space. Doula's gonna be crawling around soon, getting into everything. T.J.: And jewelry-making's really a dangerous business, Luke. You got all those tiny beads -- choking hazards galore. LIZ: Yeah, babies really like to put stuff in their mouth. T.J.: They can't help it. They get mesmerized. I mean the little suckers look so much like candy or pistachio nuts, you just want to pop them in your mouth. LIZ: Yeah, so as you can see, we could really use the space. LUKE: So you were just gonna sell the boat out from under me. LIZ: Of course not. T.J.: We just figured we'd take an ad, get an offer, see what you say. LIZ: Yeah, could be great, huh? I mean you get a little extra cash, we get a little extra space. T.J.: Plus, we were thinking maybe you could invest some of the profits from the boat in Liz's business. LIZ: If you felt like it was the right thing to do. T.J.: But it does kind of make sense since we went through the trouble of selling the boat... and storing it. [Doula fusses on the baby monitor] Whoa. Doula alert. Not up yet -- just a squawk. LUKE: [Sighs] Look, guys, I appreciate your situation here, but I'm not selling the boat. Dad left it to me. It's my boat. End of discussion. LIZ: Luke. LUKE: Hey, look, don't worry, all right? I'll find another place to store it. LIZ: Like where? LUKE: I don't know. I'll find a place, another place. LIZ: What's the point of hanging on to it? You're never gonna use it. LUKE: I might. LIZ: You might. Dad might. LUKE: What are you talking about? LIZ: The boat. Dad spent like what 20 years working on the thing. You spent another 20. LUKE: So? LIZ: How many generations are gonna cart this thing around town? Look, get rid of it for your own sake, before you end up like dad. LUKE: What does that mean? LIZ: Oh, okay. Okay, forget it. LUKE: No, I want to know. What does that mean? LIZ: He was stuck, Luke. LUKE: He was happy. LIZ: He was stuck doing the same thing at the same time the same way every day of his life. LUKE: So? He did the things that made him happy. LIZ: Dad didn't do stuff 'cause it made him happy. He did stuff because he was afraid to do anything else. LUKE: Come on, that's crap. LIZ: Luke, I loved dad as much as you did. LUKE: Look, he was good to us. LIZ: Of course he was. I'm just saying sometimes a little change can be a good thing. LUKE: My boat, my decision. I'm not selling it. All right? LIZ: Okay. LUKE: All right. LIZ: Okay. LUKE: I'll have it out of here by tomorrow. LIZ: [Sighs] STARS HOLLOW - STREET [Lorelai walking past Westons, her cell phone rings] LORELAI: Hello? RORY: How bald do you have to be to be bald? LORELAI: Is this a Zen call? You know I hate those. RORY: Does it mean completely bald, or does it count if there's no hair on top but a little on the sides? LORELAI: Well, in my experience, if a man describes himself as bald, there is nary a hair. RORY: Nice use of "nary." LORELAI: I'm trying to get you in the New York Times mood, use some fancy language. RORY: Well, I will remember that if I can ever find the guy. Who knew New York was the bald-guy capital of the world? LORELAI: Well I think that's on their license plate. RORY: I'm telling you, they're everywhere, and since I don't know which one A.J. Is, every time one walks in the door, I just smile at him. LORELAI: And let me guess -- they're all smiling back. RORY: What's wrong with me? What kind of reporter am I going to be if all I got was "bald guy"? LORELAI: Oh, relax. He knows what you look like, right? RORY: I just hate this waiting you know. What should I do? Should I go order a coffee without him? Should I wait for him? LORELAI: Order coffee. He won't mind. RORY: Well, I can't, really. I'm at a table I don't even know if I should be sitting down already, but I walked in and it was really crowded, and this woman left her table, so I grabbed it, and now I'm scared to get up because maybe I'll lose it. LORELAI: Keep the table, skip the coffee. RORY: Really? LORELAI: Yeah and when he gets there, go decaf. RORY: Yeah, I know I'm a little nervous, but it's only because doing well at this meeting could mean the difference between interviewing world leaders and standing on street corners with pictures of celebrities in matching outfits asking passersby who wore it best. LORELAI: Pretty high stakes. RORY: I know. Distract me. How's the shower stuff going? LORELAI: Um... RORY: Oh, something's wrong! LORELAI: No, nothing's wrong. RORY: Oh, I knew it. My second pancake's gonna suck, too. LORELAI: I've got it all under control. You just focus on finding the right bald guy. RORY: Oh, another one just walked in. LORELAI: Oh, head-to-hair ratio? RORY: Very low. Stand by while I attempt to make eye contact. LORELAI: Look at it this way -- you're making a lot of bald men feel very good about themselves today. RORY: I better go. LORELAI: Knock 'em dead, kid. RORY: Oh, god. MRS KIM ANTIQUES MRS KIM: So, you're giving me a guarantee for Christmas and Easter. LORELAI: As a minimum. MRS KIM: And there will be a possibility of bible study and no unclean meats for at least a year. That's a start, at least. LORELAI: So, do we have a deal? MRS KIM: No, I never take first offer. This is what I want - attendance at weekly church services, bible study twice a week, Adventist summer camp, no unclean meats or hydrogenated oils, Christmas will be celebrated with no gifts, and there will be no sandboxes or parties with pony rides. LORELAI: What's wrong with ponies? MRS KIM: Flies buzzing around, carrying infectious diseases. LORELAI: Alright no infected ponies, fine. But sandboxes? I mean, come on. Kids play, they go to the park. You have to be reasonable. MRS KIM: It is not reasonable for Lane to think that she will raise my grandchildren as heathens while I stand by and do nothing. LORELAI: I understand, Mrs. Kim. It's a really sensitive subject. MRS KIM: No, you don't. Your daughter doesn't reject everything you stand for. LORELAI: But Lane is not rejecting you. You guys are just different. God knows my mother and I had differences. MRS KIM: Yes. God does know. LORELAI: Look...there are times when you have to put those differences aside. Like, you know Joseph, from the bible, and how his brothers got all mad at him about that dreamcoat. Yes, and so they sold him into slavery. LORELAI: Yeah. I don't think that was in the musical. The point is there are fights you can recover from and fights you can't, and not going to your daughter's baby shower -- I mean, I know it's hard, but I don't want you to draw a line in the sand now that you can't cross later. My mother missed so much. I don't want that to happen to you. [They smile at each other] [SCENE_BREAK] LUKE'S APARTMENT [Luke is on the couch and dials the phone] APRIL: Hello? LUKE: Hey. APRIL: Hey, dad. LUKE: How was swim practice? APRIL: Drills, drills, drills. Coach Scott made us swim with our fists closed. LUKE: What does that do? APRIL: Probably nothing -- just looks funny. Oh I did get to work on my backward racing start. LUKE: How'd that go? APRIL: Not so good. I think I ended up with half the pool up my nose. LUKE: Eh, you'll get better. APRIL: Can't get much worse. LUKE: So, how's your mom doing? APRIL: Good. Little stressed about the new store. She likes the space, but she's not sure about the location. Strip malls bum her out. So what's going on? LUKE: Nothing. You know, business as usual. I saw your cousin Doula today. She looks good. She's getting bigger. APRIL: You promised you'd send me new pictures. LUKE: I will. I will. So, look, I was thinking about this summer when you come to visit. APRIL: I can't wait. LUKE: Yeah, me too. So, I was thinking maybe we should take a trip. APRIL: A trip? LUKE: Yeah, a big one, you know? I mean you're gonna be here for what like six weeks, right? So maybe we should just take off. APRIL: And go where? LUKE: You know, I don't know. I was thinking Florida. APRIL: Florida? LUKE: Yeah, you know, go down to [emphasizing] Disneyworld. APRIL: You want to go to Disneyworld? LUKE: Yeah. You know you've never been there. I've never been there. We could fly down to Florida and check out Miami Beach and then go to...[emphasizing] Disneyworld. APRIL: I-I can't imagine you at Disneyworld -- or at the beach, for that matter. LUKE: W-why not? APRIL: I don't know -- riding roller coasters, getting your picture taken with Mickey Mouse. I'm just having trouble picturing it. LUKE: Yeah, well... APRIL: Look, dad, you don't have to do this. It's okay. I mean I'm looking forward to the summer and all, but it's not like I'm expecting anything. LUKE: Oh, no, sure. APRIL: I mean, I'm fine just hanging out at the diner like we always do -- wipe down tables, refill salt and pepper shakers. It's our thing. Really, honestly, it's fine. LUKE: Uh...oh, okay. APRIL: Oh, mom wants to talk to you real quick about some travel stuff for my spring break. But don't hang up, 'cause I want to read you something I wrote. LUKE: Oh, yeah? APRIL: We had to write a five-page fictional story featuring someone we know as the hero, and I chose Kirk. It's hilarious. I'll give you to mom, and I'll get the story. LUKE: Okay, great. LANE AND ZACH'S APARTMENT [Lane opens the front door, Lorelai and Mrs Kim are standing there.] LORELAI: Hi. Can we come in? LANE: Sure. Whatever. LORELAI: Isn't that nice? So great. Okay. [they sit down] Here we go. So... MRS KIM: So. LANE: So, what? LORELAI: Your mother has something she'd like to say to you. MRS KIM: You say it. LORELAI: Me? Um...you'll jump in? Okay. Uh, Lane, um... your mother realizes that the two of you have differences. She might not always agree with all of your decisions. MRS KIM: No "might." She doesn't agree. LANE: I know. You've made yourself perfectly clear. LORELAI: Lane. LANE: Sorry. Go on. LORELAI: She doesn't agree with all your decisions. However, she knows how much you love and respect her. Don't you, Lane? LANE: Of course I do. LORELAI: And she'd very much like to come to your shower. LANE: Really? LORELAI: Really. LANE: [getting up] Thank you, mom. Oh! MRS KIM: Lane? LORELAI: You okay? LANE: I think so. MRS KIM: What's wrong? Are you going into labor? LANE: I don't know. I've never been in labor before. LORELAI: You might have had a contraction. We'll wait and see if you have another... MRS KIM: There will be no waiting. You will drive us to the hospital right now. Hurry, Lorelai. LORELAI: Okay. MRS KIM: Careful, Lane. Wait. I'll get it. [opens the door] LORELAI: Uh, well, okay. MRS KIM: Careful LORELAI: You got it. All right. Here we go. LANE AND ZACH'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM [Lane is in bed with Zach next to her, Lorelai and Mrs Kim are tucking her in.] LANE: I can't believe I'm on bed rest. This sucks. LORELAI: Oh, come on, haven't you ever had one of those lazy Sundays where you stay in bed all day? Just think of this as one long lazy Sunday. ZACH: Yeah baby, plus you get to eat all your meals on trays, that's pretty cool. And I'm gonna hang out with you, just like John and Yoko. LANE: This is your fault. MRS KIM: Mine? [Too Lorelai] See what I deal with? LORELAI: Lane. LANE: We shouldn't have gone to the hospital. MRS KIM: Better I watch my daughter writhe in pain? LANE: I wasn't writhing. Lorelai, tell her I wasn't writhing. LORELAI: You know does it really matter who was or wasn't writhing? I mean your mom was worried about you. LANE: Yeah, right. She's probably happy. MRS KIM: Why would I be happy? LANE: Because now I can't have my party. MRS KIM: Lane Van Gerbig, what is wrong with you? Parties are not the most important thing in life. LANE: I know. MRS KIM: Do you? LANE: Of course. It's just that this one is my last. LORELAI: Why is it your last? LANE: I'm about to be a mother. LORELAI: Um, mothers can have parties. LANE: Not for themselves. They only do things for their children. She did everything for me. And...I'm... gonna be the same way. MRS KIM: You will have the party. LANE: How? MRS KIM: Uh...Lorelai will figure something out. ZACH: Cool! LOGAN'S APARTMENT RORY: Hello. I'm home. LORELAI: Hey. How'd it go? RORY: Awesome. Logan! You're not dressed! It's 2:30. You were supposed to be dressed and ready. LOGAN: I'm dressed. RORY: But not for Lane's shower. Come on, get up. Let's go. LOGAN: Wait, wait. Sit down. Tell me how it went. RORY: I'll tell you on the way. Come on. LOGAN: Wait. Sit down. I have to tell you something. RORY: Well, that doesn't sound so good. LOGAN: It's not. Look, I screwed up, okay? Big-time. RORY: What's going on? LOGAN: The company I bought, the new business I was trying to start? It's a bust. RORY: What? LOGAN: We're going belly-up because of me. I lost everybody's money -- my money, my dad's money, all our investors' money, the parking-lot attendant's money, the hot-dog vendor's money. I lost money I didn't even know I had. RORY: Logan, be serious. LOGAN: I am. RORY: Well...if you are, then back up a step. Explain this to me. LOGAN: There's nothing to explain. The second we bought this company, all these lawsuits came out of the woodwork. RORY: So... LOGAN: So one of them has merit, which means we're screwed -- no money, no jobs, no nothing. RORY: Um... I don't understand. How long have you known about this? LOGAN: Weeks. RORY: Weeks? Why didn't you say something about it to me? LOGAN: I don't know. I thought maybe I could fix it, you know? I was looking for loopholes. RORY: Well, you can keep looking. You'll find one. LOGAN: No, we can't. Look, it's over. Philip and I got the final call last night from our patent lawyers. Their case is solid. There's nothing we can do but settle. I screwed up, okay? I rushed in. I didn't do my research. It's all my fault. RORY: Well, I'm sure that's not true. I'm sure there's something... LOGAN: Rory, you're not getting this. This is huge. This isn't something you can fix with a plucky, good attitude and a can-do spirit. RORY: Well, I'm just trying to help. LOGAN: I know. RORY: Well, what about your dad? What's he say about all this? LOGAN: I haven't talked to him. RORY: Logan, you're gonna have to talk to him. LOGAN: Rory, don't give me any grief about this. Any minute now, Mitchum is gonna be busting through that door chomping at the bit to tell me what a gigantic failure I am. RORY: God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about all this. LOGAN: I know you are. RORY: Well, you'll get through it. We'll get through it. I mean, whatever happens, we'll figure it out together. LOGAN: Sure. And I'm sorry about today. I just can't deal with a baby shower. RORY: No, I know. I get it. I mean the minute it's over, I will come back, and I'll bring cake. LOGAN: You don't have to hurry. RORY: I want to. LOGAN: No it's cool, don't worry about it. I'm not gonna be here. RORY: You're going out? LOGAN: I'm gonna go to Vegas with Colin and Finn. RORY: What? LOGAN: Yeah I just need to blow off steam for a couple days. RORY: With Colin and Finn. LOGAN: It's perfect timing. Colin's got his dad's jet all gassed up at Teterboro. I'm gonna meet him in an hour. RORY: To go to Vegas with Colin and Finn. LOGAN: Yeah. Finn bought a racehorse with George Maloof. How hilarious is that? I'm gonna go take a shower. RORY: Um are you kidding me? This is really what you want to do? LOGAN: I just need a break, okay? [he kisses Rory in the cheek] Tell Lane I said congrats. LUKE'S DINER [Kirk enters] KIRK: Word on the street is you want to sell your boat. LUKE: I called you Kirk. KIRK: Yeah but I was on the street what I got that call and to be honest with you, I was a little surprised to hear about this turn of events. [They start walking out to the boat.] LUKE: It's not a turn of events Kirk. I just want to sell my boat. KIRK: But you've always been really attached to this boat. Hell I thought you'd take it to your grave with you, maybe you'd row yourself across the River Styx. LUKE: Yeah well turns out I'm not using it, you interested? KIRK: [Kicking the trailer tires] It does suit me and it would be great for water skiing. Lulu loves water skiing. She also loves carriage rides. You're not selling a carriage are you? LUKE: Just the boat Kirk. KIRK: Hmmm. LUKE: You interested or not? KIRK: How much we talking? LUKE: $600. KIRK: I was thinking more around three. LUKE: Price isn't negotiable. KIRK: Okay 400. LUKE: Non negotiable $600 price includes everything Kirk, even the trailer. KIRK: 590. LUKE: $600, Kirk. KIRK: 595 and you throw in a life preserver and a captain's hat? LUKE: 600 and you buy your own captain's hat. KIRK: But you'll throw in a life preserver? LUKE: Deal. Just have it out of here A.S.A.P. [Luke goes back in the diner] KIRK: Sucker. MISS PATTY'S [They are setting up for the baby shower] LORELAI: Oh, plates and cups right by the food. Art supplies over at the onesies table. Thanks. Hey, Sookie, I forget -- are these edible or soap? SOOKIE: Soap. LORELAI: Hmmm. Oh, this is a party favor -- not near the candy pacifiers. BABETTE: Sugar, what do you think? Is it straight? LORELAI: It looks great. Patty, how are you doing? MISS PATTY: Adorable. There is nothing cuter than a baby in a onesie -- except, of course, Anthony Quinn in a onesie. LORELAI: I'll take your word for it. RORY: Mom! LORELAI: Hey! How'd it go? RORY: Why did the baby shower get moved to miss patty's? LORELAI: Oh, it's a long story. Now tell me about the meeting. RORY: It was great. It was, it was so great. But what's going on here? LORELAI: Okay "Great's" not gonna do it. I need big, juicy details. All right, Lane had contractions. She went to the hospital, but it was a false alarm. She's okay. She is on bed rest. RORY: What? LORELAI: I know. But now, tell me, from the moment that the right bald guy smiled at you -- and walk. RORY: Why are we going? LORELAI: How are your shoes? RORY: My shoes? LORELAI: Good arch support? Good traction? Good. RORY: What? STARS HOLLOW STREET [Lane is in her bed and it is being pushed down the street but Lorelai, Rory, Zach and Mrs Kim. They are going past Luke's.] MRS KIM: Slow down. [to a car] Hold it! Hold it. Too fast. LANE: Mom, I'm fine. Hey, this is fun. Don't they push a bed through the streets in the opening credits of "The Monkees"? ZACH: I'm pretty sure it was a bathtub. LORELAI: Actually it was both -- Davy's in the bed. Peter's in the bathtub. ZACH: Are you sure? 'Cause I could have sworn... RORY: Oh Zach, you don't want to go head-to-head with her about "Monkees" trivia. MRS KIM: [too a car driver] You did not come to a full stop! And use your blinkers! ZACH: Okay, we're turning around. ALL OF THEM: Okay, hold on, Lane! MRS KIM: Hold on. Are you ready? Here we go. Hold tight. You all right? [They push the bed backwards up a ramp going over the front steps into Miss Patty's] LANE: Yep. I'm good. MISS PATTY'S [They baby shower is underway, Rachel Sweet's "b-a-b-y" is playing] MUSIC: Baby oh, baby I love to call you baby baby oh, my baby I love for you to call me baby, when it's sweet... LORELAI: Looking good. You done there, Patty? MISS PATTY: I'm done. How you doing, hon? LORELAI: Oh, doing great. MISS PATTY: Yeah? I mean about the whole Christopher thing. [Babette, Lulu and Gypsy look up from the onesies table] LORELAI: Oh, um...fine, you know, moving forward, moving on. MISS PATTY: Good. BABETTE: If you ask me, Gil's the one to beat. LORELAI: Oh, yeah, I saw him do that whole thing freehand. LULU: [gushing] He's an amazing man. [Seriously] As is Kirk. LORELAI: Don't worry, Lulu. It's the rock-star thing. MISS PATTY: Dean martin singing "Mambo Italiano" -- I will never forget it. GYPSY: Oh, great. I need another one. LORELAI: Oh, no, no. What are you doing? Well, I was trying to make a little truck, but the flatbed kept running around to the back. LORELAI: Well, no do-overs, so just turn that into something else. BABETTE: Yeah I tried to make Snoopy -- figured he's easy to draw, and what kid doesn't like Snoopy, right? Plus, as the added bonus, he's black-and-white, and the onesie's already white, so I only got to add the black. But it's looking more like a chocolate-chip cookie, a big one -- which is okay, 'cause what kid doesn't like a cookie? GYPSY: What am I supposed to turn this into? BABETTE: I don't know -- a blob? LORELAI: Make it a bunch of blobs - you know, a baby's first Rorschach test. MISS PATTY: Oh, yeah. I see a ballerina about to take flight. BABETTE: I see cheese. LORELAI: See? Something for everyone. All right, have fun. GIL: [looking at a picture] Whoa! This one's homely, man. Look it's got Zach's giant ears and Lane's glasses. I feel for that kid. Gonna have a rough life. But it will probably help to fuel his music. You know, you got to feel pain to create the really good stuff. Yeah, this one's gonna get the chicks, but that one's gonna be the genius. BRIAN: You know these aren't what Lane and Zach's kids are really gonna look like. It's one of those computer morphing programs. GIL: Yeah, dude. I have kids. I know how it works. LANE: Thanks for coming. GIL: Yo, hello. What's up, guys? [Rory stands on a chair near the bed.] RORY: Hi, everyone. Um I don't want to interrupt the fun. I just wanted to say thank you for coming to this somewhat unconventional baby shower, which is actually perfect, because when do Lane and Zach ever do anything that's conventional? [Cheers and applause] RORY: I've known Lane now for -- what has it been? 17 years? LANE: Yeah. RORY: And...I'm just sick of her already. [Laughter] RORY: No, actually, I just love you and Zach so much, and I just can't wait to meet those boys. So thank you so much for coming. Keep having fun. And just eat, drink, and keep decorating those onesies. [Hops of the chair] [Cheers and applause] ZACH: Thanks, Rory. This party rocks. RORY: Ah, it's all due to my mom, though. I planned, she executed. ZACH: Well, you both rock. RORY: Well, how often does a girl's best friend have twins? LANE: Just once, let's hope. ZACH: Yeah, no kidding. You want a drink, babe? LANE: Maybe a lemonade. ZACH: Coming right up. LANE: Seriously, Zach's right. This party is amazing. Everything you guys did -- truthfully, I didn't think it was actually gonna happen. RORY: Yes well, that whole bed-rest thing really threw a wrench in. LANE: Plus the fight. RORY: What fight? LANE: You didn't hear about the fight? Me and my mum, classic Kim family grudgefest? If not for your mom, we might have gone the way of Pretty Girls Make Graves. They were so young and had so many killer albums left in them. RORY: So my mom brokered peace? LANE: Hard-core. Listen... here's the thing. Um...my kids are gonna need that, too -- you know, when they're hiding bibles and they can't stand me. So what I wanted to know is... would you be their Lorelai Gilmore? I guess that's the proper term. RORY: Real? LANE: I can't think of anyone who would be better. Plus, you already have the name. RORY: I'd love to. Yeah. Thanks. [Lorelai looks on as Lane and Rory hug.] MRS KIM: Here. LORELAI: Hi, Mrs. Kim. What's this? MRS KIM: Open it. LORELAI: It's a doorknob. MRS KIM: Not just any doorknob -- John Adams' doorknob. You are familiar with our second president, I assume? LORELAI: Not personally. MRS KIM: You're making a joke? LORELAI: Little one. MRS KIM: That's what I thought. Anyway, I'm glad to be here, and I wanted you to know that. LORELAI: Hence the doorknob. MRS KIM: Yes. LORELAI: Thank you. MRS KIM: Don't tarnish it, or its value will decrease. LORELAI: Okay. MRS KIM: Do you have my pictures? LORELAI: I-I-I left them at home. I'll drop them off tomorrow. MRS KIM: You do that. [At the present table] LORELAI: Hey, you guys. JACKSON: Hey. SOOKIE: Hey, you. Way to go. It's a great party. LORELAI: It is, right? I could have used another gift table, though. JACKSON: Yeah, somebody went crazy. SOOKIE: I wouldn't say "crazy." JACKSON: Wait -- that's all from us? SOOKIE: Well, I felt bad. I had already promised them all of our old stuff from Martha and Davey, and then I had to renege. JACKSON: So they get all new stuff, and we have to keep all the crappy hand-me-downs? How does that make any sense?! SOOKIE: [Rubbing her belly] Whose fault is this, huh? LORELAI: Nice talking to you. See you later. KIRK: Ahoy, Lorelai. LORELAI: Yeah, Kirk. What's with the hat? KIRK: Oh, this? No big deal. Just bought myself a boat. LORELAI: A boat? KIRK: Yeah, the S.S. Lurk. It's a combination of my name and Luke's since it used to be his boat. LORELAI: Oh, you bought Luke's boat. KIRK: Yeah, she needs a little more work before she's seaworthy, but as soon as she is, I'll take you out. You can be Ginger to Lulu's Mary Ann. Let's lock down dates now. When are you free? RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Oh, well, we'll figure it out later. Bye. [Kirk salutes goodbye] MISS PATTY'S - EXTERIOR [Lorelai and Rory put on coats as they exit] LORELAI: Perfect timing. You save me from a three-hour tour of the S.S. Lurk. RORY: The what? LORELAI: Ah Kirk bought Luke's old boat. RORY: Does he even have a driver's license? LORELAI: I don't think so. RORY: Well, I'm staying out of the water. LORELAI: Good kid. RORY: [Giggle] Why didn't you tell me about the whole drama with Mrs. Kim? LORELAI: Honey you had your meeting. You were nervous enough already. RORY: Yeah, I was, wasn't I? Oh you got the whole brunt of that freak-out. I'm so sorry. LORELAI: That's okay. So do you think it went well? RORY: I do I think it went really well. I mean, the Reston fellowship is a long shot. They only pick four people out of the whole country, and that's including college seniors and graduate students. So? LORELAI: So you and three other people. RORY: Yeah, but can you imagine it? I would be an intern at the New York Times. I would be up for bi-lines. LORELAI: I can imagine it. RORY: Well I don't want to get my hopes up, so I'm just not even gonna think about it. LORELAI: Can I think about it? RORY: Yes, but not around me. LORELAI: Deal. So, when is Logan getting here? RORY: Oh. He's not. LORELAI: Why? RORY: Um...it's a long story. I guess there was this huge disaster at his work. LORELAI: Oh, no. RORY: Yeah, I guess the company he bought is being sued, and he's losing all kinds of money -- not only his own money, his dad's money. It's awful, and he feels awful. At least that explains why he's acting awful. LORELAI: What do you mean? RORY: Well, right now, he's on a private jet to Vegas with Colin and Finn. LORELAI: Ahh, "Got kicked out of Argentina with the Bush twins" Colin and Finn? I'm so sorry. You okay? RORY: Yeah, I'm fine. I mean I just kinda wish that he'd told me about this earlier, you know that I'd known it was going on. Maybe I could have helped. LORELAI: Honey I don't think there's anything you could have done. RORY: Yeah, I know, but maybe I could have tried, you know? And now he just took off, which -- I get it. He needs to blow off some steam, but I just wish he could have come to the party. It would have meant so much. He could have met everyone. LORELAI: I know. RORY: But I'm sure we'll figure it out. Oh, hey, Lane asked me to be her Lorelai Gilmore to her kids, like you were to her. LORELAI: Oh! RORY: Yeah. Big shoes to fill. LORELAI: Well, luckily, we have similar feet. RORY: [giggles] LORELAI: Oh. RORY: What? LORELAI: Oh, it's nothing. RORY: Come on. LORELAI: I just think my first pancake turned out pretty darn good. [They smile and giggle] ZACH: Hey. Sorry to interrupt. LORELAI: That's all right. ZACH: I was just wondering if we should bring the cake out now, because Lane's got that low-blood-sugar look in her eye. RORY: Oh, yeah, let's do it. [Zach and Rory go back inside, Lorelai looks at the picture collage near the door.] LUKE: Seems like yesterday she was taking up three tables at the diner with those giant books of hers. LORELAI: Hmm. LUKE: Yep. She was something. Is something. LORELAI: So, uh, what's this I hear about Kirk buying your boat? LUKE: Oh, well... I just realized I was never gonna take that thing out. I mean, all that time I spent trying to fix it up... so I bought a new one. LORELAI: Wha, Ah, When? LUKE: Today -- got the idea in my head a couple hours ago, went down to the shipyard in Bridgeport, and just did it. LORELAI: You just bought a boat. LUKE: Yeah, yeah and it's even bigger and better than the old one. I mean it's got everything. It's got a little kitchen, a bathroom, even a place to sleep. LORELAI: Wow. LUKE: I'm just gonna keep it in the marina you know, And then when April comes to visit in the summer, you know I'll take it out on little trips, you know go away for a few weeks. LORELAI: Luke, that sounds really nice. LUKE: Right? LORELAI: God, I can't believe you bought a boat in a day. It used to take you a week to buy a t-shirt. LUKE: Yeah, well, things change. [Tey look at each other for a few seconds] LUKE: I'll see you inside? LORELAI: Mm-hmm. [Luke goes in, followed by Lorelai a few seconds later.] RORY: All right, everyone, here comes cake! ZACH: Ready, fellas. One, two, three, four... SINGING: [Gil on guitar] Hush, little baby, don't say a word papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird and if that mockingbird don't sing papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring and if that diamond ring turns brass papa's gonna buy you a looking glass and if that looking glass gets broke papa's gonna buy you a billy goat and if that billy goat won't pull... [Lorelai smiles as she looks at the singing.]

Plan: A: Lorelai; Q: Who takes over the production of Lane's baby shower? A: Luke; Q: Who decides to buy a new boat? A: Logan; Q: Who comes home drunk? A: his failed business venture; Q: What does Logan reveal to Rory? A: his buddies; Q: Who does Logan run off to Las Vegas with? Summary: Rory goes to meet with an editor from the New York Times just as she starts to put together Lane's baby shower. Lorelai takes over the production and has to arbitrate a disagreement between Lane and Mrs. Kim about how to raise the unborn children. Meanwhile, Luke decides to change his situation in life and buy a new boat. Logan comes home drunk and reveals to Rory his failed business venture, and then runs off to Las Vegas with his buddies.

[Scene: Pacey's Apartment. Pacey is sitting on the couch sitting in front of his newly repaired large screen TV Channel surfing.] Man: If you're real nice, I might just put the bag up there for you. [Changes Channel] Man: What's goin' on here? Who is this guy, Vicki? [Changes Channel] Man: To collect the necessary— [Changes Channel] Man: Ahh! [Changes Channel] [Pacey gets up and walks over to the window and looks down at Hell's Kitchen across the street] Trouble is you could only marry one of us. [Turns TV off] [He grabs his coat and heads for the door. He opens it and Joey is standing outside it, and was just about to knock on the door] Joey: [Clears throat] Bad timing? You're on your way out. Pacey: Uh, no. It's... cosmic timing. I was on my way to see you. Joey: Really? Pacey: Yeah. Yeah. I was, uh, I was hoping that we could stand awkwardly in the doorway, which, uh, huh, is workin' out perfectly for me. Joey: It's not awkward, Pacey. [Long silence] Joey: [Sighs] How about I come in? Pacey: Great idea. Come in. Uh...can I get you anything? You want somethin' to drink? Joey: Uh, no, I'm ok. Pacey: You, uh, you hungry? Joey: You know what'd be nice? Pacey: Pizza? That's funny. I was actually thinkin' pizza myself. Joey: It would be nice if we could stop being so polite. Pacey: Oh. You know, actually, I'm really glad that you said that, because I've been meaning to emotionally abuse you for weeks. I just wanted to make sure you're up for it. Joey: Pacey. Pacey: Ok, I'll stop. [Chuckles] Joey: Do you regret it? Pacey: Which part? Joey: Do you regret telling me what you told me? Pacey: I guess it really... depends on whether or not you regretted hearing it. Joey: It's hard to regret hearing something that's already been in the back of your mind. But... I think I regret reality as...just a general concept. Pacey: Really? Joey: Do you remember reading those choose your own adventure books as a kid? Pacey: Well...[Chuckles]... You and I both know that I was pretty much a functional illiterate until the ninth grade. Joey: Right. Ok. Well... I did, but... I cheated on them. Whenever a chapter wasn't going the way I wanted, I wouldn't even finish. I would just go back to the beginning until...I got a happy ending. Pacey: Yeah. Everybody does that. Joey: Yeah, but it's not exactly the most realistic way to live your life. Pacey: But--wait, what makes you think that one false move is gonna ruin our entire story? Joey: History. Pacey: Yes. That was then. Joey...I'm serious. We're older now. I mean, it's not like I'm just gonna run out the door if I don't like your choice. Joey: Ok. Well, so... what are you afraid of? Pacey: 'Cause that--the whole... possibility thing is really just a mean trick. Joey: I don't like this chapter. It's too negative. Pacey: Well...I guess maybe I'm just tryin' to play out all the worst case scenarios, because I want to be sure that you have grown enough to be together without always having to replay our history. 'Cause...I'd really like to look into our future. [She sits on the back of the couch and he pulls a chair over and sits down in front of her.] Joey: You want a clean slate. Pacey: Well...yes and no. I just don't want my prior offenses being held against me. Joey: Well...I mean, we agree you and I have...you know, said things- and done things that... we regret, but... we've changed, haven't we? Pacey: Yeah. Yeah. Joey: [Sighs] Pacey: [Sighs] So I'm gonna go... think about some things. And... you're gonna think about things. And you should probably go now before I lose my ability to think clearly about things. Joey: Well...ok. But... Pace, I don't know. I mean, don't you think that... this is a little too delicate to handle without a plan? Pacey: A plan. Well... uh, you know, I... [Chuckles] I appreciate the fact that you're a slave to structure, but I'm just not sure how to schedule life-changing decisions. Joey: W-what I meant... Pacey: [Chuckles] Joey: Is that... you know... I could call you, or you could call me and see how— Pacey: Right. Like you've ever needed an excuse. [they have now leaned so close to each other, that Pacey slowly moves in for a kiss, but just before their lips meet, Joey turns her head.] Joey: I should go. Pacey: [Coughs] Of course. [Chuckles] [Sighs] Joey: What about that pizza thing? Pacey: Well, that would be an entirely different story. [Opening Credits] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The School Campus. Joey and Professor Hetson are walking together to class, and Hetson is trying to convince Joey to help him out.] Hetson: Come on, Potter. Surely you know how difficult it is to secure a date with a member of the sociology department. I mean, those women are slick and fancy and look at me like I'm the latest case study in the failure of modern man. Joey: I thought you'd given up on women since the last disaster. Hetson: Oh, I had, especially after spending time with Harley and realizing just how evil the fairer s*x is from conception, but come on, let's face it, if I don't do this now, I'm gonna die alone in that old house. So, what do you say? Like 3:30, you girls can study, and I can try to find a button-down shirt from this decade. Joey: Fine. Ok? But I don't feel good about this whole dating thing. I think it's time you look inward. Hetson: You're so wise since distance left you single. Hey, I'm not feeling right about unleashing Harley on you yet, either. She's been extra loopy these days. I think she's into the drugs. Joey: It's called hormones. I wouldn't worry about it. Hetson: I'm--I'm very worried about her. She--she's got pictures of boys on the ceiling above her bed. I mean, why there, Potter? What purpose do you suppose those pictures would serve in that particular location? Joey: Professor Hetson, Harley is completely normal. One might even worry she's a cliché. Hetson: I don't like the sound of a normal girl. I corrupted a lot of those, and they will do anything to not be normal. I want her to be more like you. You know, anxious, bookish, prone to having boyfriends who live far, far away. Joey: Thank you. Hetson: So, no boys at the house or calling the house or slowing down while they're walking by the house. Joey: You better watch it, you know. Sexual deviation might not even be on Harley's mind, but if you keep being this strict with her, she's going to realize there's something fun and naughty she's apparently missing out on. Hetson: Yeah, I've just accepted that I am powerless against the high school alpha male. I can't fight them myself, so I'm gonna build a moat around the house. What about you? You had a boyfriend in high school, right? What was he like? Joey: People change. Hetson: 3:30, Potter. Hey, and leave your open mind at home. I don't want you sullying Harley with all that free will and bringing out the best in people and all that. [Scene: The Capeside High school. Dawson is standing outside the main entrance looking at the doors in remembrance, when Mr. Gold comes walking up from behind him.] Mr. Gold: Dawson Leery, this is your life. Dawson: That's what I was just thinking. How are you doing, Mr. Gold? Mr. Gold: The surreal nature of things aside, just fine. Thanks for coming in today, Dawson. The class is pretty excited. You've given them hope for escape. Dawson: Ah, so they haven't stopped to wonder why I've come back. Mr. Gold: I think they assume they're just a pit stop between projects. Dawson: That would be nice. Mr. Gold: Slow going? Dawson: Eh. Well... let's just say I was trying to figure out a way to tell these kids how to make a success of themselves so I decided to watch all my old movies. I wonder why I didn't go to law school. Mr. Gold: Sounds to me like you're ready to take over my class. Let's go, Dawson. [Screen: Pacey's Office. Pacey is on the phone with a client, and just finishing up his phone conversation.] Pacey: No, Marty, thank you, believe me. Ok. I'll talk to you soon. I'm just gonna put you through to the secretary. Right. Bye. [He hangs up the phone, and the intercom buzzes] Intercom: Mr. Witter? Pacey: Yeah, Liz, what you got for me? Intercom: There's a call for you on line one. I think it's— Pacey: Ok, thank you. [He picks up the phone] Pacey: Hello. Pacey Witter. What can I do-- hey, how you doing? Ok, uh, what hospital you guys at? Ok. I'll be there soon. All right. Bye. [Scene: The Capeside Hospital. Doug is leaning on the counter rubbing his eyes, when Pacey turns down a hallway behind him. Pacey looks around and sees Doug and makes his way over to him.] Pacey: Doug, Doug, hey. Where is he? Doug: They just took him down for some tests, but he's up, Pace. He's walking at least. I sent everyone else home. Mom was exhausted, and I don't blame her. Pacey: Is this his room here? Doug: Yeah. Yeah. They're gonna be right back. Pacey: Uh, Dougie, what's with the old guy? Is that the waiting room for the morgue or what? Doug: Pacey, just have a seat, will you? Pacey: Why didn't you guys get him a private room? Doug: Look, we tried, ok? They were full. There wasn't exactly time to argue over this. Pacey: Well, there's time now, isn't there? What kind of tests is he having anyhow? Doug: Just routine tests, Pacey. Pacey: Was it a heart attack? Doug: No, not exactly. It's what they call an exaggerated arrhythmia. I don't understand much about the whole medical science— Pacey: Well, who can I find around here who does know what the hell they're talking about? Doug: You know what, Pacey? I'd love to sit and walk you through this whole thing. In fact, that's kind of what I intended, but you don't get to blow in here and accuse me of not knowing what I'm talking about since I've been here all day. Pacey: Hey, Doug, I'd have been here sooner if you would've called me sooner. Doug: I'm sorry, but we were kind of busy. I was trying to keep our mother and sisters from having a nervous breakdown while we watched our father being rushed off in an ambulance. So I'm sorry if things aren't up to snuff for the Wall Street wannabee but some of us were concentrating on more important things, like the fact dad survived. [Doug turns and walks away from Pacey in a huff] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Mr. Gold's Classroom. Dawson and the class are just finishing watching the movie Todd and he had made.] [He shuts off the movie] [Scattered applause] Dawson: So... any questions? Student: Todd Carr's the guy who really directed the film, right? Dawson: Yeah. Yeah. He directed everything. Except for--except for the ending, actually, which is pretty drastically different— Todd Carr is a director known for directing gratuitous fleshy music videos and the occasional blood fest, but you're more of a sentimental realist, right? [Dawson looks over and Mr. Gold who has a smile on his face] Dawson: Is that the word on the street? Mr. Gold: I took the opportunity of showing the kids some copies of your early work. You know, for a little compare and contrast. Dawson: Uh-huh. George: So, when faced with a different style, patching together someone else's work, isn't it a struggle not to put too much of yourself in? Dawson: Fortunately, I'd gotten to know Todd so well, we worked on it for so long, we kind of ended up having a shared vision. George: Do you think that's a good thing, given that the film went straight to cable? And you didn't go to film school, right? Dawson: No, I didn't. Uh, Woody Allen dropped out of N.Y.U., So, I mean, it's all just how you want to learn. [Bell rings] [The kids leave the room, and George stops and waits by Dawson until everyone is gone.] George: Hey. Dawson: Hi. George: Do you have a minute or 18? Dawson: Uh, yeah. Sure. I'm sorry. What's your name? George: George. I'd really like to show you my film. I hope you don't mind. Mr. Gold said it might be a good idea. Mr. Gold: Personal stuff. Dawson: I'd love to. Tell you what. Give me 10 minutes, and then we'll, uh, we'll watch it in here... if that's all right with Mr. Gold. [He looks over at Mr. Gold who just nods.] George: Cool. Hey, thanks, Mr. Leery. Dawson: Please tell me he didn't just call me mister. Mr. Gold: My name is Ben, by the way. Dawson: [Scoffs] He's quite a kid-- George. He thinks he knows a lot. He must be a handful in the classroom. Mr. Gold: Dawson, I've been waiting 6 years for you to experience all this and it was well worth it. Thanks again. [Scene: Harley's bedroom. Harley is sitting on her bed writing in a notebook, while listening to her radio rather loudly, when Joey opens the door and walks in.] [Music blaring] [Joey turns the radio off] Harley: Ohh, please don't. I can hear myself thinking when it's this quiet. It scares me. Joey: I'd be scared, too, if I was supposed to be writing a paper your father wanted to read when he got home. In fact, the same thing has scared me many a time. What page are you on? Harley: It's all up here. [Harley points to her head.] Joey: Right. Harley, you gotta work with me here. I mean, your dad's not gonna get any easier on you if you keep aggravating him. Harley: Why do you care so much? Joey: Well... when he loses control over you, he feels the need to wield his power over everyone else. So... you're a smart girl. I want to see an intro in half an hour. Harley: How do you know I'm smart? Joey: Because you're already bored with life. Which is only gonna get worse if you spend your teen years locked up in here. So get to it. [Joey leaves the room and closes the door.] [Turns on music] [A few seconds later, Harley's closet door opens up, and a guy falls out of it.] Harley: Subtle, Patrick. Real subtle. Patrick: I'm sorry. I got a little over-excited in there with all your girly things. Harley: I have a ski parka in there, freak. Patrick: It still smells like girl. [HE jumps on the bed and begins kissing her, when Joey walks in and goes over to the radio and turns it off] [Music stops] Joey: I do however have to— [Joey turns to Harley and sees Patrick there.] Harley: This is Patrick. He's my... study partner. [Joey just stares in disbelief] [Scene: The Hospital waiting room. Pacey is over by the vending machines, while Doug is collapsed in one of the chairs by a TV.] TV: And as you can see... you can do this. I'll put it in my machine and... [Audience yells] 18 minutes a pound for a pork loin roast... [Pacey goes over to Doug carrying 2 cups of coffee] Pacey: Here's some coffee. TV: ...Or for a roast beef. Ok. Here comes the pork loin roast. On the top here... look at this. Here we have our potatoes and our beans. Now, it only uses 1,200 watts... [Doug takes the coffee and sits up.] Doug: They moved him. Pacey: Yeah. Went ahead and got him a private room. Doug: Hmm, good for you. How'd you swing that, slip him a 20? Well, that's one way to solve it, I guess. Pacey: Doug, I'm sorry. I got myself all worked up on the drive up here thinking about the possibilities and... I appreciate the fact that you've been here all day. I am sorry, man. I was just a little on edge. Doug: You should try having breakfast with dad and see him grab his chest and fall over. I mean, have you ever seen him off-guard one single day in your life? Pacey: No. No. Not even close. Which is probably what's so scary about this whole thing. I mean... I spent so long pushing the old man's buttons in high school, I forgot there were real feelings left under there. Doug: [Sighs] [They sit in silence as the camera fades to black] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Hetson's Dining room. Harley and Patrick sit down ant the table and Joey grabs their bags and hands them each their bag, and then grabs a book and sits at the table across from them.] Joey: Ok, Patrick-- if that's even your real name-- let's see what you got. Surely, you can help Harley out of her little American literature rut since you're her faithful study pal and all. Patrick: Um, I'm actually not technically in that class. Joey: Oh, I'm shocked. Patrick: Heh. Harley: Look, Joey, I get it. Boy in room--bad. It's not like we were in our skivvies or anything, ok? Patrick: Yeah, I mean, girl like you must've broken the rules once or twice. Know what I mean? Joey: No, actually I don't know what you mean. [Harley watches as Patrick is trying to flirt with Joey, and just stares at him in disbelief, but he doesn't notice] Patrick: Look, Josephine, um, I didn't mean to cause any trouble. And I don't want to get in the middle of whatever bond you and Harley got going here. I'm sure the three of us can work together. Joey: Not in the way you're thinking, I'm afraid. Patrick: Harley... I've clearly caused some stress here. And I respect the responsibility this woman's taken in your life. Joey: How old exactly do you think I am? Patrick: Well, it's not old so much as wise, really. You seem to be a timeless sort. Pained by the world, but more beautiful because of it. [Harley rolls her eyes at how obvious he is, and starts to get slightly upset.] Joey: That's very deep. Unfortunately for you, I know your kind, and you're harmless. So, you are staying down here for the rest of the night and studying... for real. [Scene: The Hospital waiting room. Pacey is over at the Pay phone, and he takes out his calling card and begins to make a call. After a few rings the phone picks up and Joey's voice is heard.] Joey: [on answering machine] Hey, this is Joey. Sorry I missed you. Please leave a message. [HE is about to talk when Doug comes walking up to him.] Doug: Hey, Pace, he's awake. We can go in now. [He hangs up the phone without leaving a message.] [Scene: Mr. Witter's Hospital room. Mr. Witter is lying in the bed, and the doctor is standing next to him talking and looking over the chart in his hands.] Doctor: Keep up on it. You can start doing some sit-ups, too. Mr. Witter: Hey, boys. Doctor: Ah, this must be your other son, Mr. Witter. Mr. Witter: Yeah, this is Pace doc. He's the one I was telling you about. Pacey: Yes, that's me, the black sheep. Pleased to meet you, doc. Doctor: Actually, your father was just going on and on about how proud he is of you. Mr. Witter: Yeah, who'd have thunk it, huh? He turned out all right. Gonna be taking care of all of us one of these days. Pacey: [Chuckles] Yeah. Anyway, how you feeling? You doing ok? Mr. Witter: Thanks for coming, Pace. It means a lot to me. I know how busy you are. Doctor: I don't mean to break things up, but you're still pretty weak, Mr. Witter. One kid at a time, ok? Pacey: Well, I can just wait outside until you guys are ready. Mr. Witter: No, Pace. I want you to stay. Come on, sit down. Doug: Ok. That's ok. You know, I've been here all day, right? So, uh...ahem. Mr. Witter: Thanks, Dougie. [Doug leaves, obviously hurt] Pacey: All right. Mr. Witter: Uh, did you drive down? Pacey: Yeah, yeah, I came down as quick as I could. Mr. Witter: Uh, not much traffic? Pacey: No. Who's coming to Capeside? Mr. Witter: Yeah, well, you were. Thanks. I appreciate it. [Scene: Mr. Gold's classroom. Dawson and George are sitting in front of a computer where they are finishing watching George's movie on the screen. George stops the film, and turns to Dawson, who sits there staring at the screen in silence, not knowing what to say.] Dawson: [Sighs] George: Thanks. Thanks a lot. Dawson: For what? George: Your silence speaks volumes. Dawson: Heh. No offense, George, but you don't know me well enough to know what my silence means. George: With Mr. Gold, it means he's trying to formulate the best possible way in which to eviscerate me. Dawson: What did he say? George: Why won't you talk to me about my film? Dawson: All right, look. I'm...I'm new at this, George. I mean...heh. Do you have any idea how bizarre it is to come back to your old high school and try to say something profound about life on the outside? George: No offense and other obligatories, but I'm as ill-suited to psychoanalyze your crippling self doubt as you apparently feel you are to critique my film. And my mother serves dinner at 6:00, so... Dawson: I'm stalling, George, because I don't know what to say, all right? I don't know what to tell you. I mean, keep going. You know, your film's good. It's very good. Yeah, you got stuff to learn. I mean, you know... you could probably trust yourself when you go in for shots. You need to work on continuity, but other than that, I mean... the important stuff-- the stuff you can't teach-- is...it's there. George: So I'm a natural genius. There's nothing left for me in these antiquated halls? Dawson: You are so much like me when I was your age. George: Yeah. Mr. Gold said that, too. Dawson: Did he? Well... remember this feeling. George, remember what it was like to make a film about something that you loved. To have the confidence to do it your way, to control your vision, keep it your own. I mean, that's... [Sighs] I miss that. George: Yeah. You do sort of have the stink of a burnt-out talent on you. It's scary. Dawson: Yeah, I'm a poster child. Get out of here before I rub off on you. [George grabs his bag, and turns to leave, but stops] George: I thought it was good... creek days. Syrupy sweet with lame music and all that, but not too many people have heart anymore. You can't lose that, right? Dawson: Hope not. All right. Stay in school, keep your nose clean, don't do sports. [Scene: The Hospital room. Pacey is still sitting next to the bed that his father is sitting up in, and they are still talking.] Mr. Witter: Anyway, I blame your mother, Pacey. She got herself this new cookbook: Bacon makes the world go 'round heh heh heh heh. Pacey: Well, I guess that's not the worst concept ever heard of. Mr. Witter: It is when the bacon is going on top of the apple crisp. Heh heh heh heh. I think she's trying to kill me. Which is really funny 'cause you're the only one in the family who's got any money. Heh heh heh. Pacey: You know, this stuff is serious. I mean, if you got heart problems, pop, you really gotta take care of that. Mr. Witter: Calm down. This is nothing. Just a little exaggerate arrhythmia. Hell, you probably got the same thing. I don't know what your brother's getting all worked up about. Pacey: Well, I think you gave him a bit of a scare. He said you went down pretty hard. Mr. Witter: Ah, he's just looking for some drama. He needs to get out more. He needs to get a life like you. Listen, it can't be good for you being away from the office this much. Pacey: Well, I'm pretty sure they'll understand, given the circumstances. Mr. Witter: What about your clients? Pacey: You're my father. Mr. Witter: Heh. You really would do anything for me, wouldn't you? Even after everything, you're still... you grew up to be one of the good guys, Pacey. I always knew you would. I should've told you that more often. Pacey: Well, maybe I just didn't always hear you. Mr. Witter: Yeah. [Scene: Hetson's living room. Joey, Harley, and Patrick have made their way into the living room to study. Harley is typing away in her laptop, while Joey is sitting across from them in a chair reading a book, while Patrick who is sitting next to Harley is simply studying Joey. Harley looks over and is obviously upset about it] [Typing on keyboard] Patrick: Joey, I noticed you're reading Don Delillo. White Noise is one of my favorite books. Really? Joey: And when in your 15 years of life did you manage to read this? Patrick: I'm 16, actually. I look younger than I am. I just got my license. You want to see? Harley: Will you please shut up? I'm trying to write. Patrick: Oh, I'm sorry. Joey and I can go in the other room if you want. Joey: No, we can't. Harley: Patrick, why don't you just leave? Patrick: What's your problem? Harley: Ohh, you really have to ask? I asked you over here to study. Patrick: You and I both know— Harley: Ok, fine. Whatever. I asked you over here to be with me, not salivate over my babysitter. Do you have any idea how gross that is? Patrick: Can't believe you still need a babysitter. Harley: When your parents go out of town, don't they make you stay with the Johnson's? Patrick: Yeah, that's just for safety purposes. Harley: Yeah, so you don't accidentally choke on your own spittle. Joey: Ok. That's enough from the both of you. Can we just forget about it and move on? Harley: Oh, easy for you to say, Helen. Joey: Excuse me? Harley: You know, the face that launched a thousand ships and all that. Get people all riled up and then knit somewhere in solitude. Joey: Ok. I think you're mixing up your epics. Harley: The point is my boyfriend is blatantly flirting with you. Joey: Would you really call it that? Patrick: Since when am I your boyfriend? Harley: Ugh! I hate you so much right now. I hate you with the burning passion of a thousand STDs. Patrick: We haven't had the talk. Harley: No, how could we? Whenever I try to be serious with you, you, like, turn into some freak of nature and you do stuff like this. Patrick: Like what? Harley: Like staring at Joey all night. Like selling me out in homeroom when we were both late. Like not agreeing to go to the dance with me until Lauren Riley said no. Patrick: Ok. The homeroom thing was because I was trying to save your reputation. And the Lauren thing was purely defensive. And...I got scared. I don't know. I was just... keeping my options open. Harley: Options. Yeah, well, take me off your list of options. That should make things so much easier for your tortured, assy soul. [Harley storms off and we hear the sound of a door slam in the distance.] Patrick: I probably shouldn't have said that thing about the options. Joey: To begin with. [Scene: Outside the hospital. Pacey comes outside and finds Doug. He has obviously been looking all around for Doug.] Pacey: Hey, there you are. Dougie, dad's ready to see you now. Doug: Yeah, that's ok. Pacey: Uh, actually, the nurse said they're gonna be shutting down visiting hours in about 20 minutes, so we got to get a move on. Doug: Did he ask for me? Pacey: What, like did he send for you? Doug, we're talking about our father here, not the king of England. He knows we're both here to see him. Doug: Heh. I love the amount of knowledge you've acquired on dad in the hour that you've been here. You're throwing around paternal references like they're going out of style. Pacey: Well, you've always been more up on high fashion— Doug: Just don't even start, Pacey, for once. I mean, I know you're all on your game since dear old dad's given you the nod— Pacey: Ok, hold on. What is it that you actually want to talk to me about? Because, from my way of seeing things, you and I are just 2 brothers trying to take care of our family. Doug: No, Pacey. I'm the one taking care of the family. I'm the one who's been taking care of the family for years. Pacey: Oh, now, Doug, don't you dare get righteous on me. You cannot lord your resentment over me because that was your choice. Doug: Yeah, I do happen to make choices. I know that's a foreign concept to someone who plays musical careers. Pacey: How did we get here? Am I stepping on your turf or something? Are you the only member of the family who's allowed to be caring and compassionate? What did you expect me to do, Doug? Just chomp on my cigar on the other end of the phone and cut a check for the man's funeral? I'm a member of this family. Doug: Yeah, conveniently. That's the way it is with you lately, isn't it? You just swoop in with your fancy gifts. You just pull the wool over the whole Witter family's eyes. And then you're out. And everybody forgets. Pacey: Forgets what? That I'm the family failure? Am I just never supposed to grow up? Am I not allowed to want things? Doug: Oh, no, we all want things, Pacey. Believe me, we all want things. Nobody would deny you that. Pacey: Then what? I'm just not supposed to get them. So, ultimately, this is not about our father. Which is kind of pathetic, Doug, considering the condition that that man is in right now. This is about you wanting to see my face everyday and know that you're still the good son, that you're top dog. Well, that's just sad. Dougie, I miss the daily beatings as much as you do, but I had to leave sometime. Doug: Pacey, don't make this a celebration of your retreat from Capeside. Pacey: I'm not. Man, listen to yourself speak. I came here to see you, to see him. And you know what? He knows it, and he appreciates it. Perhaps he's even happy to know that the son he ignored for the better part of his life is not gonna hold a grudge against him until the day he dies. In a strange way, this might even be a good thing. Doug: Yeah, you know what? It is a good thing, Pacey. [Sighs] Heh! It's all yours, little brother. You know what? It's all yours. Enjoy it while it lasts. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside Harley's Bedroom door. Joey and Patrick come walking up to the door, and Joey begins knocking on it, and loud music is playing from within.] Joey: Harley, come on. You're blowing this way out of proportion. [Joey looks at Patrick and gives him a dirty look for just standing there] Patrick: [Sighs] Yeah, come on, Harley. This probably isn't the last time I'll incur your wrath. And I mean that in the best way possible. Joey: Have you ever had a girlfriend? Patrick: Was that bad? She likes it when we fight. Joey: Maybe that's because that's the only form of communication you seem capable of. Patrick: Of capable of other forms... I think. Look, Joey, Harley's way smarter than I am. I tried the so-called normal thing with her once, and it wasn't pretty. I was complimenting her, and I felt all sweaty. I was a freakin' mess. Joey: You know, despite what you've been trained to think, the sweaty palms and such is actually pretty endearing. [Knocks] Harley! Patrick: Yeah, it's endearing for 5 seconds. And then she'll look at Peter Garran and be smitten with his unavailability and freakish height, and I'll be history. If I keep up with the witty abuse, at least I'll be the funny one. Joey: That's true. Oh, my god. It is true. You guys are all the same. Patrick: Joey, you've got-- you've got some anger. You've been hurt. Maybe you've lost someone. Joey: In case you haven't noticed, so have you. [knocks again] Harley! Patrick: I never could've held onto a firecracker like her. Maybe I need someone who's more settled in her ways. An older woman, if you know what I mean. Joey: You and me? It's not gonna happen. And, look, Harley is this great sassy girl who, if she's smart, will never speak to you again. Patrick: You slay me, Joey. [He attempts to turn on the charm, but it doesn't work] Joey: The only thing I want to do to you is give you some advice. Walk away right now. Don't ever mention me again. Go home and strum your guitar, or whatever it is you do, and then dream up some fantastic gesture to get this girl back. And never think that there is one day when you have to stop doing that sort of thing, because that's the worst thing a guy can do is give up the chase. And Patrick, Patrick! [He is staring at her breasts.] Patrick... be realistic. If I wasn't such a nice girl, I would've laughed in your face and called you junior the second I met you. Patrick: Then why didn't you? Joey: Because you remind me of somebody I know. Now get out of here before I remember everything that pissed me off about him when I was your age. Patrick: We might never speak again— Joey: I know. I'm crying on the inside. Good-bye, junior. [He leaves, and Joey goes to knocking again] Joey: Harley. Come on, it's just me. Please? [Scene: The Hospital room. Mr. Witter is watching TV while Doug is sitting in a chair next to him reading the paper. Pacey comes to the room and knocks before entering, and Mr. Witter turns off the TV, and is happy to see him.] Pacey: Hey. Mr. Witter: Hey. Pacey: I just wanted to stop by before they close up shop, see how you feel. Mr. Witter: I feel like I could use a scotch. Heh heh heh. Other than that, I'm fine. Pacey: Well, I was thinking maybe I could stop by in the morning. Before I head back to Boston if that's all right. Mr. Witter: Yeah. Pacey: And, uh, Dougie, see you at the house. Doug: Yeah, maybe. Pacey: Ahem. Good night, guys. Mr. Witter: Uh, Pacey... thanks for getting me this private room. Pacey: No, that wasn't me. Doug took care of the room. Good seeing you, pop. Feel better. [Scene: Harley's Bedroom. Harley is sitting on her bed, blaring the music on her radio, when Joey comes walking into the room.] Joey: Harley! [Music blaring] [Joey turns the radio off.] Harley: Hope I didn't put a damper on your evening. Sounds like you two were having a swell old time. Joey: You and I are mildly acquainted, correct? Harley: Yeah, whatever. Joey: I wouldn't go after your guy. It's just not kosher. Harley: Ok, look. I know you wouldn't go for Patrick. You're a girl's girl and all that. Joey: And he didn't go after me. He was just... doing what they do, which is testing the limits. Harley: I get that, Joey. I know that half the time Patrick's just testing me. What I don't get is why would he test something that's already on shaky ground to begin with? I mean, he started messing with my psyche before we even figured out if we were together or not. Was it this hard for you in high school? Joey: Of course. I mean, but everything's 20/20 in hindsight. You know, now all of the problems that Pacey and I had seem petty, and all the obstacles that Dawson and I went through just seem unnecessary. Harley: Dude, how many boyfriends did you have? Joey: Heh, it's not as racy as it sounds. Harley: Well... ok, so how do I skip the middle part? Like, if you could tell yourself something back then, what would it be? Joey: [Sighs] I've been wondering lately why things were different. You know, why I can talk to Eddie without being scared. And, you know, when you're 16 years old, so many of your choices are motivated by fear. You know, like, one wrong move and the world is gonna end. And maybe that's what it is. Maybe it's just about... I don't know, taking a deep breath and... forgiving yourself for yesterday's mistakes. You know, you're gonna walk into school tomorrow, and you're gonna want to punch Patrick's face, but he might just say something that makes you change your mind. Hear it, Harley. So... don't be afraid to move forward. Harley: If all of this is about Eddie, why didn't you follow him across the country? Joey: [Chuckles] It's not just about him. It's... it's about me and... what I'm ready for. Harley: What are you ready for? Joey: That, young lady, is none of your business. Your father's gonna be home soon, and I don't think I saw too much essay writing happening during the histrionics down there. Harley: Ok, ok. God, when is this battle-axe thing ever gonna end? I mean, you're becoming highly unpleasant. Joey: Never. I'm honing my wench skills. Chop-chop! [Scene: Outside Dawson's House. Pacey comes pulling up to the house and gets out of his car and makes his way to the back porch. He is about to knock on the door, when Dawson comes walking up from the side of the house carrying a bundle of firewood.] Dawson: Pacey? Pacey: Dawson. Hey, what are you doing here, man? Dawson: Uh, long story. At the moment, bringing in some firewood. What are you doing here? Pacey: Uh... well, I was in town, so I wanted to check on your mom, see how the repairs are going. Dawson: Wow, that's... thank you. Pacey: Yeah. Dawson: You all right? Pacey: Yeah, I'm fine, but I checked my dad into the hospital today. Dawson: Oh, my god. Is he ok? Pacey: Yeah, he'll be ok. It was a... heart condition of some sort, but he's gonna get out in the morning, so he'll be all right. But, uh, you know... no matter how tough you think your dad is, uh, it's a little disconcerting seeing him lying there all vulnerable. Dawson: Yeah. Can turn your whole world upside-down. Pacey: Yeah. Which is probably what made me think of you. And... probably a lot of what brought me out here. It's... I just--I wasn't ready for that, you know. I--heh heh. It's the first time in a long time I just-- I wanted to curl up and be a kid and let somebody else take care of it. Dawson: I know what you mean. I don't know when this happened. When I became the one who made sure the house was warm enough, and you became the one who checks up on repairs. Pacey: I do not know, but sometimes I feel like I've been playing the part, wearing the suit for so long, that... I may have forgotten how I got there in the first place. Dawson: Yeah. I know you deal with this more than I do, but some kid called me sir today. [Both laugh] Dawson: What is that? Pacey: I know. It's strange. Every time I hear "Mr. Witter," I look over my shoulder. Who called you sir? Dawson: This kid in my-- I almost said this kid in my class. I went to Capeside high today. Pacey: What, in your mind? Dawson: Heh heh, almost. Uh, no. I went to go talk to Mr. Gold's film class. Pacey: Get out of here. Heh heh. Really? Heh! I guess that's what they call coming full circle, huh? Dawson: Yeah. Yeah, I went there. I was supposed to talk about where I am now and the glamour of the real world and all that, but... it was weird, Pace. I was watching this kid's film today, and all I could think was, "I don't know anything." Or maybe I did, and I just lost it somewhere along the way. Pacey: Yeah, I know what you mean. Whew. Heh heh heh. Dawson: Being here... being at the high school, all these ghosts around me, I wanna go back. I wanna start over, do things the right way. Pacey: Yeah. Yeah. I'd like the time back... but I wouldn't have it the way it was. [Sighs] I just want to pinpoint that moment in your life where everything goes wrong. Dawson: I'm thinking it was probably puberty for me. Pacey: I could skip that, too. But if you didn't have all the great loves of your life, you wouldn't have anything to make your movies about. Dawson: True. Except now that I actually have enough distance and I can actually say something about the loves of my life, I can't afford to make movies. Pacey: Afford? Those are the people I cater to, my friend. Come on. I'm a wizard of high finance. Dawson: Right, right, right. I'm the kind of person you prey on. Pacey: Heh heh heh heh! Dawson: Sentimental losers with 10-cent dreams. Pacey: More like 10,000, but who's counting, right? Dawson: I'm sorry, but-- you're just freaking me out there, Mr. Witter. Pacey: All right, we can talk about that some other time, sir. Dawson: Listen, Pace. I just made some coffee. Do you wanna come in and sit down for a little while? It's been a long day. Pacey: Yeah. Yeah, I'd love that, man. [Scene: Joey's Dorm room. Joey comes into her room and throws her coat on the end of her bed, and then collapses down onto her bed, and stares up at the ceiling. After a few seconds, Joey rolls over and grabs the phone and begins to dial and gets Pacey's Voice mail for his cell phone.] Joey: [Sighs] Hi, it's me. So, I thought that I would have an answer when I picked up the phone, but I didn't. And then I thought I would think of something as I was talking, but--heh-- no such luck. Um... Pace... I think the problem is trying to figure this out alone. I--I think that maybe we should... do it together, you know? And... you know how they say if you could do it all over again, what would you change? Well... I'd probably change a lot of things... but I'm also really lucky that I have the chance. And... I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not gonna look at you and think of everything that happened. I'm... I'm gonna look at you and think of everything that could. Call me. Bye.

Plan: A: Professor Heston; Q: Who orders Joey to baby-sit for Harley? A: relationship counselor; Q: What does Joey end up serving as? A: Harley's boyfriend; Q: Who is Patrick? A: Dawson; Q: Who visits his past? A: L.A. One; Q: What city does Dawson work in? A: his film; Q: What does a student ask Dawson to watch? A: Pacey; Q: Who returns to Capeside when his father has a heart attack? A: an argument; Q: What does Pacey have with his brother? A: Doug; Q: Who is Pacey's brother? Summary: Professor Heston orders Joey to baby-sit for Harley to make sure she does her homework. But Joey ends up serving as relationship counselor when she finds Harley's boyfriend, Patrick, hiding in the house. Patrick starts to drool over Joey which makes Harley jealous. Meanwhile, Dawson pays a visit to his past when he's asked to speak to Mr. Gold's class at Capeside High about how it is to be working in L.A. One of the students asks Dawson to watch his film. While watching the film Dawson realizes that he's moved on from the teenager he once was. Pacey also returns to Capeside when his father is admitted to the hospital after suffering a heart attack. Pacey has an argument with his brother, Doug, about the way Pacey's been treating the family by shutting them out.

Kilgharrah : In a land of myth and a time of magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young boy. His name: Merlin. [SCENE_BREAK] [00:12, INT. KING'S PALACE, HALL OF RECORDS - DAY] Geoffrey De Monmouth : Yes? Merlin : Gaius asked me to fetch a book. The er...Bestiary of Phylum of Cambria? Geoffrey De Monmouth :The Bestiary? I haven't seen that for many years. It'll be somewhere in the east wing. No idea where. [Merlin turns to his right and starts walking.] Geoffrey De Monmouth : East is that way. [Geoffrey points in the opposite direction and Merlin turns around to walk that direction.] Merlin : Yeah. [Merlin walks down to a particular row and finds the Bestiary on the top shelf of a very tall bookcase.] Merlin : Great. [Merlin tries to jump for it and climb the bookcase and ends up triggering a secret door. Merlin enters a hidden chamber and finds a magic book. He bumps into an octagonal box and something grumbles and pounds against the insides of it. Merlin sets the box upright.] Merlin : Unluc scrin. [The box unlocks and Merlin opens it. A goblin jumps out and Merlin falls backwards.] Gobelin : Boo! [SCENE_BREAK] [Générique] [SCENE_BREAK] [03:52, INT. KING'S PALACE, HALL OF RECORDS SECRET CHAMBER - DAY] Gobelin : Are you going to say something, or shall I? Merlin : You can speak. Gobelin : You're a sharp one. [The goblin stretches.] Gobelin : Ooh, ah. I can't tell you how good it feels to be able to do that. And that. And this. Merlin : Shh. Gobelin : I have been squished and squashed inside that box for more than 50 years! Time to have some fun. [The goblin jumps up onto a bookcase and starts tossing objects at Merlin.] Gobelin : Whoo! There you go! Merlin : Have fun quietly. It's just...very quietly. Gobelin : Uh-oh. [The goblin threatens to drop a vase.] Merlin : No. You are going to get us both into serious trouble. Gobelin : Oh, oh, oh! [The goblin drops the vase and it smashes into bits.] Gobelin : Oh dear, what a shame. Never mind. Merlin : Right. That's it. You are going back in that box while I work out what to do with you. Gobelin : Oh. All right. If I really must. [The goblin sulks towards the box.] Merlin : In. [The goblin climbs onto the box and then jumps onto Merlin's head.] Gobelin : Ha-ha! Fooled you! [The goblin takes off.] Merlin : Stop messing around! [The goblin searches through the room. Merlin sneaks up behind it with a blanket while it rifles through a trunk.] Gobelin : Nah. Nah. Nah. Maybe. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah... Merlin :Got you. [Merlin grabs it with the blanket. The goblin struggles and then the blanket goes flat. The goblin appears as a little yellow ball of light and squeezes through a crack in the secret door.] Merlin : No! [Merlin exits the secret chamber and the goblin hits him in the back of the head with a book.] Gobelin : Bull's-eye! Merlin : Someone's going to see you! Gobelin : Really? I'm just having a little tidy up! [The goblin kicks books down from a top shelf.] Gobelin : Look here you want to get rid of all of this. Nasty mess up here. Nobody's had a brush up here for years! Look at it all old and...right, that's enough, I'm off. Heehee. [Merlin picks up the Bestiary, which the goblin knocked off the shelf, and runs to find the goblin. He stops in the aisle where Geoffrey is standing.] Merlin : Found it. Geoffrey De Monmouth : Ah. [SCENE_BREAK] [06:26, INT. KING'S PALACE, ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS - DAY] [Merlin follows the trail of wall ornaments on the floor of the corridors.] Gobelin : Ugh! No! Merlin : No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Gobelin : No! No! None here! Argh. [The goblin shoves a boot out from under Arthur's bed.] Gobelin : None under here either! [Merlin looks under the bed for the goblin.] Arthur : Merlin. I really hope, for your sake, you have a good explanation for this. Merlin : I...do have a good explanation. I'm spring cleaning. Arthur : It isn't spring, and it certainly isn't clean. Merlin : That's because I've only just started. Yeah, you wait until I've finished. You'll be able to eat your dinner off the floor. Not that you want to. [The goblin searches through something outside Arthur's chambers.] Arthur : What was that? Merlin : Why don't I go and see, and you can make yourself comfortable. [SCENE_BREAK] [07:34, INT. KING'S PALACE, MORGANA'S CHAMBERS - DAY] Gobelin : Nearly, nearly, nearly. [Merlin sees the goblin tossing bracelets out of Morgana's jewellery box.] Merlin : No. [The goblin sees Merlin and jumps out the window with Morgana's healing bracelet. Merlin hurries to put Morgana's jewellery back in the box. Gwen enters behind him and clears her throat.] Gwen : I'm really not sure it suits you, Merlin. [SCENE_BREAK] [08:07, INT. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - DAY] [Merlin and Gaius flip through a book.] Merlin : That's it. Gaius : Seems you've unleashed a goblin. Merlin : I know that face. That's not good, is it? Gaius : Goblins are the most mischievous of creatures. Mischievous and dangerous. Merlin : Didn't seem dangerous. Gaius : Believe me, Merlin, goblins will stop at nothing to get their hands on the one thing they value above all others: gold. [Arthur enters.] Arthur : You're needed, Gaius, for a matter of great urgency and extreme delicacy. Gaius : What is it? Arthur : It's my father. [SCENE_BREAK] [08:41, INT. KING'S PALACE, UTHER'S CORRIDOR - DAY] Arthur : I should warn you, if you value your lives, do not even think about laughing. [SCENE_BREAK] [08:54, INT. KING'S PALACE, UTHER'S CHAMBERS - DAY] Arthur : Father? Uther : I'm behind the screen. [Gaius and Merlin find bald Uther hunched down in a chair behind a changing screen with his arms crossed.] [SCENE_BREAK] [09:23, INT. KING'S PALACE, CORRIDOR - DAY] Gaius : Only an enchantment could cause Uther to lose his hair like that. I've no doubt the goblin is to blame. We must catch it before it does any real damage. [Merlin starts laughing.] Merlin : Did you see Uther's face? Gaius : Merlin, what do you think Uther will do to the person responsible for releasing the goblin? Merlin : We need to catch it. How do we do that? Gaius : We need to set a trap. And for that we need gold, and plenty of it. [SCENE_BREAK] [09:52, INT. KING'S PALACE, ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS - NIGHT] [Merlin pulls a money chest out from under Arthur's bed while Arthur's asleep. Merlin knocks over some dishes on the table on his way out. Arthur wakes.] Arthur : Who's there? [Arthur stands up on his bed and draws a sword.] Merlin : (whisper) Oferbrædels ahries. [The spell drops the canopy on top of Arthur and Arthur falls to the floor. Merlin laughs to himself as Arthur flails under the canopy.] Arthur : Guards! [Merlin leaves in a hurry.] [SCENE_BREAK] [10:51, INT. KING'S PALACE, CORRIDOR - NIGHT] [Merlin tosses a gold coin down the corridor for the goblin to find.] Gobelin : Lovely gold. [The goblin picks up the coin and licks it, then follows the trail that Merlin and Gaius have laid out into a storage room. The goblin rejoices at the sight of the chest of gold coins. Gaius closes the door and Merlin grabs the goblin with a blanket. The goblin turns into a little ball of light again and buzzes into Gaius's ear.] Merlin : Gaius, did you see where it went? Gobelin /Gaius : You let it escape you stupid boy! Now you just stand there like a sack of potatoes. Go after it! Go! Shoo! Shoo! [Merlin leaves and Goblin (Gaius) licks the gold in the chest.] [SCENE_BREAK] [12:20, INT. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - NIGHT] [Goblin/Gaius tosses objects from the shelves.] Merlin : I've searched the entire palace. There's no sign of the goblin any...what happened? Gobelin /Gaius : It's that pesky goblin! You let it escape and it's ransacked my premises! You've got some cleaning up to do. Clean! Clean! Merlin : Where you going? Gobelin /Gaius : I'm going to the tavern. Merlin :You never go to the tavern. Gobelin /Gaius : Then I shall see what I've been missing. [SCENE_BREAK] [12:54, INT. LOWER TOWN, THE RISING SUN - NIGHT] [Gaius enters as the tavern folk are cheering over arm wrestling match. The winner takes the gold on the table and Goblin/Gaius licks his lips. Goblin/Gaius places his gold coins on the table in front of the winner.] Gobelin /Gaius : Shall we arm wrestle, or do you require a moment to recover what little strength you have? [Goblin/Gaius wins the match and takes the gold, licking his lips.] [SCENE_BREAK] [13:53, INT. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - DAY] [Goblin/Gaius belches as Merlin exits his chamber.] Merlin : Oof, you look terrible. How much did you drink last night? Gobelin /Gaius : You don't look so good yourself. What's your excuse? Merlin : What? Gobelin /Gaius : Shh. Too much talking. I have a head like the inside of a drum, and a mouth like a badger's armpit. Merlin : Ugh, badger's armpit. Gobelin /Gaius : Make yourself useful. Go to the market and fetch my breakfast. Away! Go! [Merlin leaves and Goblin/Gaius pulls out the chest of gold and jewellery. Morgana enters.] Morgana : Gaius? Gobelin /Gaius : Yes, yes. What is it? Morgana : I couldn't sleep last night. My healing bracelet's been stolen. Gobelin /Gaius : Oh, tragedy. Travesty. Whoever stole it should be hanged, flogged, and hanged again. Morgana : I was hoping you could give me a sleeping draught? Gobelin /Gaius : A sleeping draught? Can't you count sheep like everyone else? Why are you bothering me with such things? Shoo! Morgana : I don't know why you're being like this, Gaius. I'm the King's ward and you shall do as I ask. Gobelin /Gaius : Ooooh, shall I now? [Goblin/Gaius walks closer to Morgana and looks into her eyes.] Gobelin /Gaius : I can see deep into your heart, and it's cold. Cold as stone. You play at being Uther's loving ward. You play it so well you fool him, but you don't fool me. You would see Uther dead and Camelot destroyed. Morgana : Why would you say such a thing? Gobelin /Gaius : Because it's the truth. There is evil in your heart. Morgana : I don't know what's come over you. You were always such a good friend to me. Gobelin /Gaius : I see the truth frightens you. Morgana : It's you that frightens me. [Morgana walks to the door.] Gobelin /Gaius : Do you not want your sleeping draught after all, Lady Morgana? [Morgana stops and looks at Gaius.] Gobelin /Gaius : One moment. [Goblin/Gaius magically creates a potion and hands it to Morgana.] Gobelin /Gaius : Sweet dreams. Do come back and see me anytime. [Morgana takes the potion and marches out with a scowl.] [SCENE_BREAK] [16:43, INT. LOWER TOWN, TOM AND ROSE'S HOUSE - DAY] [Goblin/Gaius holds up the arms of a man who is lying in bed.] Gobelin /Gaius : Say "Ah, ooh, ah, ooh, ah, oooooh!" Tom : Ah, ooh, ah, ooh, ah, oooooh! [Gaius drops Tom's arms and turns to his wife, Rose.] Gobelin /Gaius : He's certain to die. Tom : I don't feel like I'm dying. Gobelin /Gaius : If you value your life, you won't say another word, it could kill you instantly. Shh. Rose : I believed he had a broken rib. Gobelin /Gaius : A broken rib that's become infected with the most severe and terrifying infection that can only be treated by this remedy. [Goblin /Gaius pulls out a potion bottle.] Rose : Ah. Gobelin /Gaius : Alas, it's very expensive. Rose : Oh, we do not have any money to spare. Gobelin /Gaius : In that case, your husband will die, and you'll spend the rest of your life in poverty and misery before dying a lonely, cold death, which is no less than you deserve. [Tom makes noises with his mouth shut and motions for Rose to pay Gaius. Gaius continues visiting townspeople and demanding payment.] [SCENE_BREAK] [17:48, INT. GWEN'S HOUSE - DAY] Gwen : What can I do for you? Gobelin /Gaius : It's more a question of what I can do for you. [Goblin/Gaius grabs Gwen's face and looks her over.] Gobelin /Gaius : Ah, it seems you're developing the symptoms already. Gwen : Symptoms for what? Gobelin /Gaius : The most severe and terrifying infection that is sweeping through Camelot like a plague. Gwen : I haven't heard anything about an infection. Gobelin /Gaius : That's because those who catch it are immediately struck dumb. Fortunately I have developed a very effective cure. It is yours in exchange for a gold coin. Gwen : Very funny. Gobelin /Gaius : Is it? I don't hear anyone laughing. Gwen : You've never charged me for remedies before. Gobelin /Gaius : Then I've clearly been a fool. Do you wish for a cure, or do you wish to walk around with a face covered in boils and your nose dripping with snot? Gwen : Boils? Gobelin /Gaius : Big, pussy boils. Bigger than you've ever seen. Gwen : I'll fetch a coin. Gobelin /Gaius : Come on, come on, I haven't got all day. [Gwen hands him the coin and Goblin/Gaius hands her the fake remedy. She catches him licking his lips.] Gobelin /Gaius : A most wise decision. [SCENE_BREAK] [19:04, INT. KING'S PALACE, UTHER'S CHAMBERS - DAY] Uther : You're sure this treatment will work, Gaius? Gobelin /Gaius : I'm quite certain of it, My Lord. Uther : Is it really necessary to slap my head like that? Gobelin /Gaius : Completely and utterly necessary. We must restore the circulation to the scalp. You wish your hair to grow back, My Lord? Uther : Get on with it, then. [SCENE_BREAK] [19:45, INT. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - DAY] Merlin : You're the goblin! Gobelin /Gaius : Have you lost your mind? Merlin : No, but you have! Or at least it's been taken over. Gobelin /Gaius : Don't be ridiculous. Merlin : I know Gaius as well as I know myself, and you are not him Gobelin /Gaius : Ah, you've got me. How d'you like my new body? It's a bit old and creaky, but it's ever so much fun. Merlin : It's not your body, it's Gaius's. What've you done with him? Gobelin /Gaius : He's still in here somewhere. Merlin : Gaius has done you no harm. Leave him. Gobelin /Gaius : All right. You've convinced me. On second thought, I think I'll stay where I am. I like it in here. The freedom, the gold, the beer. Did I mention the gold? Merlin : If you hurt Gaius...I will kill you. Gobelin /Gaius : You'll be killing him. You see the problem? I'm him, he's me. We're all jumbled up in here. [SCENE_BREAK] [20:51, INT. KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER OF DOOM - DAY] Arthur : There have been instances of vandalism around the palace, as well as a number of thefts. I, myself, was a victim. Unfortunately, the thief managed to elude me. [Gwen farts and the court stares at her. Morgana farts.] Uther : Double the guard. I want the perpetrator found. [Uther farts.] Arthur : Yes, My Lord. [Uther farts.] Uther : The council is dismissed! [Flatulence continues.] Uther : Now! [Everyone rushes out except Uther, Gaius, and Arthur.] Uther : Gaius, is there anything you can do to treat this? [SCENE_BREAK] [22:03, INT. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - DAY] Gobelin /Gaius : Tell me you didn't think that was funny. [Merlin gives Goblin (Gaius) a stone-faced glare.] Gobelin /Gaius : Not even a little bit? Just a teeny-weeny bit? Merlin : If you carry on like this, you're going to get Gaius killed. Gobelin /Gaius : Merlin, you underestimate me. I have cured Uther of his farting and his baldness. He is, he tells me, forever in my debt. I am a genius. Merlin : This has to stop. Gobelin /Gaius : I see no reason why. Now, if you're quite finished, I'm going to the tavern. Merlin : Bord, wiþ stende hine. [Merlin's spell shuts the door so Goblin/Gaius can't leave.] Gobelin /Gaius : Well, well, well. So you have a secret of your own, Merlin. Merlin : Leave his body or you will regret it. Gobelin /Gaius : Your magic may be powerful, but I have an advantage. Merlin : What's that? Gobelin /Gaius : I can hurt you... [Goblin/Gaius magically throws a dagger at Merlin.] Merlin : Culter, ic þe hate! [Merlin's spell stops the dagger and he sends it back at Gaius, stopping just before it reaches Gaius's face.] Gobelin /Gaius : Whereas, you cannot hurt me without hurting Gaius. Merlin : I won't rest till I've found a way to force you out of Gaius's body. [SCENE_BREAK] [23:37, INT. KING'S PALACE, HALL OF RECORDS - DAY] Geoffrey de Monmouth : Ah, Gaius. I've been meaning to come and see you. I've got this terrible pain in my leg. Gobelin /Gaius : That's hardly surprising when it has to support that enormous gut. Lose some weight, fatty. [Goblin/Gaius enters the secret chamber and takes the magic book Merlin discovered earlier.] [SCENE_BREAK] [24:13, INT. KING'S PALACE, ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS - DAY] [Merlin searches for Arthur.] Merlin : Arthur. [Merlin finds Arthur in the central corridor, followed by two guards.] Merlin : Arthur, I have to talk to you. Arthur : Arrest him. Merlin : What? Arthur, what are you doing? [SCENE_BREAK] [24:42, INT. KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER OF DOOM - DAY] Uther : Is it true? You were responsible for the afflictions that I and other members of the court have suffered? Merlin : What? No. Uther : Gaius. Gobelin /Gaius : I found this in your room. It's a book of spells and enchantments. Merlin : He's lying. That's not Gaius. Arthur : What are you talking about? Merlin : He's been possessed by a goblin. Gobelin /Gaius : The boy is reduced to making the most desperate and ridiculous accusations. Uther : You seriously expect me to believe that Gaius is a goblin? Merlin : It's, it's controlling him. Gaius is still in there...somewhere. Arthur : Do you have any proof of these accusations? Merlin : No! Gobelin /Gaius : I fear that magic has corrupted you. It pains me more than I can tell you. Merlin : I really doubt that. Gobelin /Gaius : My Lord, I have been harbouring a sorcerer. For that I offer the most sincere apology. Uther : You were not to know, Gaius. He's fooled us all. Merlin : It's not me that's fooling you. Uther : Silence! You've been found guilty of using magic and enchantments. In accordance with our laws, you will pay with your life. Take him away! [SCENE_BREAK] [26:17, INT. LOWER TOWN, THE RISING SUN - NIGHT] [Goblin/Gaius bumps into Sir Leon.] Gobelin /Gaius : Clumsy oaf. Sir Leon : Gaius? I will pretend that I didn't hear that. Gobelin /Gaius : Are you deaf as well as stupid? Sir Leon : I am a knight of Camelot and you will show me some respect. Gobelin /Gaius : Fool, then I'll show you none. Sir Leon : You will learn some manners, or I will teach you some. [Gaius spits his drink in Sir Leon's face. Sir Leon draws his sword.] Sir Leon : You may be old, but I cannot let this pass! Arm yourself! Gobelin /Gaius : I'm just a foolish old man who's had far too much to drink. Please accept my apologies. A flagon of ale for my friends! Sir Leon : Then I accept your apology. [Goblin/Gaius puts a potion in a flagon of ale and brings it over to Sir Leon's table.] Sir Leon : Gaius. Gobelin /Gaius : My apologies again. Don't know what came over me. Sir Leon : It is forgotten. [SCENE_BREAK] [27:37, INT. KING'S PALACE, DUNGEONS - NIGHT] Merlin : Cæga cume her. [Merlin floats the cell keys off of the sleeping guard's belt. Merlin escapes and tries to sneak past the drawbridge into the lower town. Guards spot him when the warning bells sound. Merlin runs.] [SCENE_BREAK] [28:15, INT. GWEN'S HOUSE - NIGHT] [Gwen wakes to the sound of the warning bells. Something creaks in her house and she grabs a candlestick as she climbs out of bed to investigate. Merlin grabs her from behind to muffle her scream and turns her around.] Merlin : Shh! [SCENE_BREAK] [Guards run past outside.] [SCENE_BREAK] [28:43, INT. KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER OF DOOM - DAY] Arthur : Merlin has escaped. It seems he somehow managed to obtain a set of keys. Gobelin /Gaius : Escape?! How is this allowed to happen? Incompetence! [Uther and Arthur stare at Goblin/Gaius.] Gobelin /Gaius : I didn't mean to speak out of turn, My Lord. Uther : Gaius is right, this is unacceptable. The guards should be punished. Arthur : I'll see to it personally. Uther : Search the town, I want Merlin found. Arthur : Yes, Sire. [SCENE_BREAK] [29:14, INT. GWEN'S HOUSE - DAY] Merlin : We need to force the goblin out of Gaius. Gwen : And how do we do that? Merlin : I don't know. I'll try to sneak back to Gaius's chambers. Maybe I can find something in one of his books. Gwen : What can I do? Merlin : Well, we need to convince Arthur. Maybe if you speak to him, he might listen to you. Gwen : No, I can't. Merlin : Why? Gwen : After what happened in the council yesterday, I'll never be able to look Arthur in the face again. Merlin : I know, it's embarrassing. Gwen : It's more than embarrassing, Merlin! I cannot face him, ever. Merlin : Come on, Gwen. It's not that bad. All girls do it, don't they? Gwen : Not in public! And certainly not in front of the man they have feelings for! Merlin :You still have feelings for Arthur. Gwen : Not that it matters now, because he will never be able to look at me in the same way again. Merlin : Gwen, if Arthur likes you, he likes you. Warts and farts and all. Gwen : Merlin, I haven't got any warts. Merlin : Then...you'll talk to him? [Gwen can't resist his adorable smile and sighs in defeat.] [SCENE_BREAK] [30:19, INT. KING'S PALACE, ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS - DAY] [Someone knocks on the door.] Arthur : Ah, Gaius, come in. Gobelin /Gaius : I believe you wanted to see me. Arthur : I wanted to thank you in person. It couldn't've been easy for you exposing Merlin like that. Gobelin /Gaius : My loyalty to Camelot and your father comes first. Arthur : And it is much appreciated. I should also thank you for ridding me of the most incompetent, rude, and lazy servant that Camelot has ever known. Gobelin /Gaius : I'm just sorry you had to suffer his ineptitude for so long. Arthur : And when we catch him, you'll see him hang. Gobelin /Gaius : Ah, I shall look forward to that. [Goblin/Gaius lifts the drink Arthur poured for him. Arthur stares at Goblin/Gaius.] Gobelin /Gaius : Is something wrong? Arthur : The Gaius I know would never look forward to seeing Merlin hang no matter what he'd done. [Arthur draws his sword on Goblin/Gaius).] Arthur : Merlin was telling the truth. [Goblin/Gaius) magically smashes a vase over Arthur's head, knocking him unconscious. GoblinGaius casts a spell on Arthur as he exits.] [SCENE_BREAK] [31:22, INT. KING'S PALACE, PHOENIX CORRIDOR - DAY] [Gwen walks purposefully towards Arthur's chambers. Goblin/Gaius ducks into an alcove to avoid being seen.] [SCENE_BREAK] [31:34, INT. KING'S PALACE, ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS - DAY] [Gwen approaches Arthur's door hesitantly. She raises her arm to knock, starts to run away, stops, returns to the door, and finally works up the courage to knock. Something makes a honking noise on the other side of the door.] Gwen : Arthur? Arthur, it's Guinevere. Can I come in? [Another honking noise comes through the door. Gwen enters and walks towards the bed.] Gwen : Arthur? Arthur? [Gwen rounds the corner of the bed post and sees Arthur hunched down on the floor with donkey ears. Gwen gasps.] Gwen : What's happened to you? [Arthur brays.] Gwen : Did Gaius do this to you? [Arthur brays "Yes".] Gwen : He's a goblin. [Arthur brays "I know".] Gwen : Poor thing. [Gwen pets one of Arthur's donkey ears. Arthur leans into her hand in pleasure, then brays indignantly.] Gwen : Sorry. Merlin's working on a plan. We'll figure out what to do. Stay here. [SCENE_BREAK] [33:19, INT. GWEN'S HOUSE - DAY] Merlin :Arthur's a donkey? Gwen : He has the ears of a donkey. And the voice. He-- he's braying. Merlin : He's...braying. [Merlin bursts out laughing.] Gwen : It's not funny, Merlin. Merlin :No. No, no, of course not. Arthur with the ears of a donkey, what's funny about that? Gwen : He just looked so pitiful. I've never seen Arthur look like that. Did you find anything? Merlin : I think so. [Merlin places his hand on a book from the physician's chambers.] Merlin : If the host body dies, the goblin dies with it. So, if Gaius is dying, the goblin will be forced to leave him. Gwen : You want to kill Gaius? Merlin : Just briefly. Once the goblin's out of Gaius, we have to trap it in a box lined with lead. It's the only container that will hold it. Gwen : Where do we get a box lined with lead? Merlin : Leave that to me. [SCENE_BREAK] [34:25, INT. KING'S PALACE, HALL OF RECORDS - DAY] Merlin : (whisper) Oþfiel æstel! [Merlin's spell pulls and object from a shelf and drops it on Geoffrey of Monmouth's foot.] Geoffrey de Monmouth : Ow! [Merlin runs past unseen and enters the secret chamber to grab the Goblin's octagonal box.] [SCENE_BREAK] [34:53, INT. KING'S PALACE, CORRIDOR - DAY] Sir Leon : It is the same for all of us who were in the tavern last night. Gobelin /Gaius : That is most unfortunate. [Sir Leon's face is covered in boils.] Sir Leon : Please, can you treat it? Gobelin /Gaius : *sigh* The infection has no cure. The itching will become almost unbearable. Sir Leon : Itching? There is no itching! Gobelin /Gaius : There will be soon enough. Itching so severe it has been known to drive men to madness. Sir Leon : Gaius, please, there must be some remedy. We will pay whatever it takes. [SCENE_BREAK] [35:30, INT. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - DAY] [Gwen keeps a lookout while Merlin makes poison and an antidote.] Gwen : Hurry up! Merlin : I'm doing my best. Gaius normally deals with anything to do with poisons. [Merlin pours the poison over the gold and jewellery in the stolen money chest.] Merlin : As soon as the goblin's out of Gaius, you must give him the antidote. We only have a few seconds or Gaius will, you know, die. Gwen : He's coming! [Merlin hands Gwen the antidote and puts the chest back into hiding. Merlin and Gwen hide in Merlin's chamber and watch as Goblin/Gaius takes out the chest and licks the gold coins.] Gwen : Ugh, that's disgusting. [Goblin/Gaius begins to stumble and Merlin exits his chamber with the octagonal box.] Gobelin /Gaius : You've poisoned me. You poisoned Gaius! Merlin :Leave his body while you still can! [The goblin exits Gaius's ear as a little ball of light and buzzes around the room. Gaius falls to the floor.] Merlin : Give him the antidote! [Gwen rushes towards Gaius, but the goblin buzzes past her and she stumbles into a table. Gwen drops the antidote and sends dozens of other potion bottles to the floor with it.] Merlin : Back in the box. Gobelin : You'll have to catch me first! [Merlin chases the fully embodied Goblin. It turns back into a ball of light and flies into Merlin's mouth. Merlin spits it into the octagonal box and locks it in.] Gobelin : (In the box) Oh, no let me out, I promise I won't do it again. Gwen : I don't know which one's the antidote! Which one is it? Merlin : I don't know. Gwen : He's dying! Merlin :I think it's this one. [Gwen gives Merlin and "Are you sure?" look and Merlin keeps searching. He picks up another bottle.] Merlin : Er...this one. [Merlin turns Gaius over and pours the potion into his mouth.] Gwen : Are you sure that was the antidote? Merlin : No. Gaius! Come on! Please! Come on, you stubborn old goat! Gaius : Who are you calling an old goat? [SCENE_BREAK] [39:23, INT. KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER OF DOOM - DAY] Uther : You mean to tell me it was you who was responsible for the, er...baldness, the flatulence, the boils, and Arthur's donkey ears? Gaius : I fear I was, My Lord. Or at least the goblin was while I was possessed by it. Uther : Magic has the power to corrupt even the most honourable of men. Gaius : Indeed. Though, I must assure you that Merlin was entirely innocent. Uther : Then he is pardoned. [The goblin struggles and grumbles inside the octagonal box.] Gaius : May I suggest it is kept where no one will ever open it? Uther : See that it's placed in the vaults. Gaius...do you know who was responsible for releasing the goblin in the first place? Gaius : I'm afraid I've no idea, My Lord. [The goblin struggles and grumbles inside the octagonal box again.] Uther : Now. Secure it now. [SCENE_BREAK] [40:34, INT. KING'S PALACE, PHOENIX CORRIDOR - DAY] [Gwen and Arthur stop awkwardly when they see each other.] Gwen : My Lord. Arthur : Guinevere. The, er...events of the last few days, I, er...I think it would be best if we...never spoke of them. Gwen : I don't even know what events you're referring to. Arthur : Quite. It's...it's been entirely uneventful. I need to train my men. Gwen : I must see to the sheets. [Arthur and Gwen walk past each other and sigh in relief.] [SCENE_BREAK] [41:27, EXT. TRAINING GROUNDS - DAY] Gaius : I see you've been busy undoing the goblin's magic. Merlin : As usual, I get no thanks whatsoever. Gaius : Since releasing the goblin was entirely your fault, Merlin, I'm not sure you deserve any thanks. Merlin : Wha...Arthur doesn't know that. Gaius : For your sake, you better hope it stays that way. [Arthur knocks over the knight that he's fighting and laughs. Onlookers laugh with him. Arthur's laugh becomes a bray. The other knights stop laughing, but grin silently as Arthur clears his throat.] Gaius : (reprimand)Merlin. Merlin : Just one more day. It's too good.

Plan: A: a mysterious goblin; Q: What does Merlin release from the secret chamber? A: gold; Q: What does the goblin have a lust for? A: control; Q: What does the goblin take of Gaius? A: a way; Q: What does Merlin search for to free Gaius? A: the captured goblin; Q: Who is presented to the court as the true culprit? A: all the mischief; Q: What does the goblin cause? Summary: After stumbling into a secret chamber, Merlin releases a mysterious goblin with a penchant for making trouble and a lust for gold. It takes control of Gaius and causes all sorts of mischief. Merlin searches for a way to free Gaius, but finally he has to resort to poisoning Gaius to force the goblin out his body. After giving him the antidote, the captured goblin is presented to the court as the true culprit of all the mischief.

The episode opens on a message of Sophia and Hilary who are in Lucas' bedroom. Sophia : Hey, guys, it's Sophia Bush. Hilarie : And Hilarie Burton. And we wanna wish you guys a very Happy New Year and thank you for supporting One Tree Hill. Hilarie : It's all start right here, next on the CW. Sophia looks at Hilary. Sophia : Have you notice that Lucas has really weird stuff in his room? Hilarie : Yeah. Sophia takes a horrible green cup. Sophia : I mean, who do think gave him this ? Hilarie : Oh, I'd say Brooke. Sophia : No, I'd say Peyton. Hilarie: Really? Sophia: hum. Hilarie: Here we go again. Summary of the previous episodes In the street, Daunte and Bear threatens Nathan with an iron pipe. Daunte : Lose that game. Championship's finale, when Lucas shot for the victory. Mouth's voiceover: Nathan Scott drives to the hoop! He passes to Lucas for a three and the win! The Tree Hill Ravens are champions at last. Daunte turns darker by car at Nathan and Haley pushes him and she's knocked down. Haley : Nathan, look out! Nathan : Haley! Daunte's car turns darker in the parked cars, Nathan catches up him and takes him out, then he knocks Daunte and Dan intervenes. Dan : Nathan ! He's dead. Go! Lucas stays meadows of Haley, he speaks to the paramedics. Lucas : She's been hit by a car. You gotta help her. Paramedic : How long has she been pregnant? Lucas collapses, we hear his voice in background. Lucas : I didn't take my pills. Lucas is in Peyton's room with Keith. Keith: You just had a heart attack. Lucas: I'm dead? Keith: Not yet. I'm dead. Return on the scene of Keith's murder in Tree hill's high school. Dan : You are no longer my brother. Lucas is on the place of Keith's murder. Lucas : I still don't believe that Jimmy killed you, Keith. Keith : We gotta talk about what happened here, Lucas. There are things you need to know. Beginning of the episode Tree Hill's Hospital Lucas is woken on his bed, he speaks in background. Lucas' voiceover: Have you ever had a dream that seemed so real, when you woke up, you didn't know what to believe? (Haley is lying on her hospital's bed.) What would you do if you thought was true, wasn't? High School's hall Lucas is in the hall of high school. The ring bells and all students walk in the corridor. Lucas' voiceover: And what you thought wasn't true, was? Peyton : Lucas. Luke, what are you doing here? Lucas : I go here. Remember? Peyton : Yeah, I also remember you had a heart attack. Lucas : Well, the doctor said it was okay if I did some light activity. I mean, I won't be training for a marathon anytime soon, but I can still come to class and daydream about my new girlfriend. Peyton says yes with her head. Lucas : Well, what happened in that daydream ? I slowly but very gently take her in my arms and I bring her in real close like this... Lucas and Peyton kiss. Lucas : Wow. The last time we kissed, it was so damn good I collapsed. I'm joking. Peyton : Yeah. Lucas : What's wrong? She turns the glance, we see Brooke arriving with Rachel. Lucas: Oh. Peyton : Yeah, I... You just wanna walk me to class? Lucas : Yeah. Peyton : Ok. They leave together, Brooke and Rachel walk in the corridors of high school. Rachel : For someone who just had a heart attack. Lucas doesn't seem to be worried about getting his heart rate up. Questions? Comments? Brooke : As a matter of fact, I'm thinking about not speaking to you. Rachel : Why ? Because I did you a favor? Brooke : Stealing the key to the Tutor Center so I can break in and pilfer test answers is not a favor. It's more like a betrayal. Rachel : Okay. We both know you suck at math, but how do you figure? Brooke : Well, I convince Haley to tutor you even though she's not exactly your number one fan. So me trusting you plus you using Haley equals betrayal. Rachel : That's one way to look at it. The way I see it is, I suffered through tutoring I didn't need to steal a key for you. Sounds like a favor to me. Brooke : Sounds dumb to me. Rachel : Not as dumb as flunking. Brooke : I'm not flunking anything. I stayed up all night studying for this quiz. Rachel : Now that you mention it, you do look kind of bad today. Lipstick? Brooke : Just return the key to Haley, okay? I don't need it. Rachel : Fine. Brooke : Trust me I never studied so hard for something in my life. Rachel : Fine, but you better start making friends with the juniors because that's who you're gonna be hanging out with next year. Brooke : Shut up. Gigi comes to see Mouth who's next to his locker. Gigi : Mouth ? Mouth : Hey, Gigi. How's my girl? Gigi : I'm gonna break up with you. Mouth : Did you just break up with me? Gigi : No, not yet, but I'm gonna to. Just thought you should know. Nathan and Haley's apartment Haley is in her bed and Nathan brings her a glass of water. Nathan : You okay ? You look like you're a million miles away. Haley : I didn't even know his name. Nathan : Who ? Haley : That poor man who hit me. Nathan : « That poor man » ? Haley you were the victim. He ran you over. Haley : I know, but it was an accident. And... And he's dead. And the way that he was killed, I... I don't know how your father could do something like that. Did you even know who he was? Nathan : No. No, you were the only thing on my mind. Now, listen, I should get going, I'm gonna be late for school, but Karen's gonna come by later to check on you. And then I'll swing by at lunch and bring you some soup. Haley: Okay. Chicken noodle with some extra... Nathan in the same time. Nathan : With extra noodles. I'm on it. Haley : Thank you. They take their hands. Haley: I don't know how you turned out so sweet with a father like Dan. Nathan goes out. Tree Hill's prison Dan is in the visiting room with his lawyer. Lawyer: Good news or bad news ? Dan : You're my lawyer. Do you ever have good news ? Lawyer: Okay, bad news. You being charged with second-degree murder. Your arraignment is scheduled for tomorrow at which time we'll file a plea of not guilty. In a few weeks, we'll go to trial, so we need to be prepared for an investigation. Dan : I don't want an investigation. Lawyer: It's standard procedure. Dan : I'm guilty. I wanna plead guilty. Lawyer: Well, I wouldn't recommend that. Dan cuts the conversation and asks to return to his cell. GENERIC SEASON 4 Tree Hill's prison In prison, Dan and Nathan are in the visiting room. Nathan : You're not pleading guilty. You shouldn't paying for something that I did, okay? I'm confessing. Dan : Don't be a fool, Nathan. Nathan : What do you want, Dad ? twenty years to life? 'Cause that's what you'll get. And not here. They'll send you to a state prison, and when you get out, if you get out, you'll be so old your life will be over. Dan: Better mine than yours. Nathan, when you came to me asking for money, I looked at you and saw a kid in over his head. But what I should have seen was a son who needed his father's help. I should have given you the money. I could have prevented this. Nathan : No offense, Dad, but so what? You're not guilty of murder. Dan : I have sins to pay for, Nathan. I belong here. Rehab center In a lounge, Deb is with other people. Deb : I don't belong here. I'm a good person. So I pop pills, I haven't killed anybody. Sure, maybe I started a fire once. And I... I did discharge a firearm recently, but it was an accident. The bottom line is, I don't need this place. Woman : Deb, I've been in your shoes. Deb : Gucci? I don't think so. Woman: Denial is not your friend. Deb: Oh, God. Woman: Give this program a chance and you just might find that rehab can help you. Deb :Help me? This place makes me want to take pills. All I hear around here is whine, whine, whine, whine. Man : Don't say wine. I'm an alcoholic. Deb : Oh my God. Get me out of here. God. Deb sighs. Tree Hill's high school Peyton and Lucas walk. Lucas: So, listen, there's something I haven't told anybody. Peyton : Oh, I love secrets. Lucas : Well, when I was unconscious, I saw Keith. Peyton : Luke, you and Nate should really talk. Lucas : Not in, like, The Sixth Sense sort of way, but it felt so real. Peyton : Well, don't laugh, but anytime I have a dream about my mom or Ellie, I like to think it's their way of contacting me from the other side. Like dreams are e-mails for ghosts, it's their way of sending me a message. Lucas : Okay. Well, look, if there's the remotest possibility that you're right, then what message was Keith trying to send me? Peyton : Well, I don't know. What'd you guys talk about? Lucas : You, mostly. Lucas kisses her but Peyton stops him. Lucas : What ? (He puts his hand in front of his mouth.) Does my breath stink or something? Peyton: No, no, you smell really good. Lucas : Okay, then, what ? Peyton : I' m just not a really big fan of PDA. Lucas : Since when ? Peyton : Since whenever. It just makes me uncomfortable. Lucas: Good to know. Peyton says yes with her head. Lucas : So, what, does PDA include holding hands? Hugging? Peyton : Yeah, I guess so. Probably. I don't know. Maybe not. I... I have English, I should go. Lucas : Okay. Peyton : I'll see you. Peyton goes away. Lucas: What just happened? Peyton turns around and makes him sign of the hand. In mathematics' room, before the beginning of class, Mouth's cellular rings. He receives a visio call of Gigi. Gigi: Hi, Mouth, it's me, Gigi. Mouth : I can see that. Gigi : Quick question, what do you like better, text or IM ? Mouth : For when ? Gigi : For when I break up with you. Mouth : Gigi, I don't want you to break up with me. Gigi : Then do you want to break up with me ? If so, I like IMs. You can even use emoticons. Mouth : I don't want either of us to break up with either of us. Gigi : But if we did? Mouth : Face to face. I would want to break up in person. Gigi talks in the same time. Gigi : I'll make a note of that and get back to you. Mouth : But I don't wanna break up. The conversation is cut. Professor: Okay, people, clear your desks, get your pencil ready. Shot on Brooke and Rachel. Rachel : I know you don't think you need it, but good luck. Brooke : Just because you wanna resort to theft instead of hard work, doesn't mean I have to. Brooke holds in the hand a leaflet of Clean Teens. Brooke : Oh, look, pink quizzes ? Rachel : Not quite. It's a flyer for that weirdo virgin club. Brooke : Hum. Shelly : That "weirdo virgin club" is called Clean Teens. Brooke : Hi, Shelly. Still trying to save the school one Rachel at a time? Rachel's sighs. Shelly : We're meeting tonight in Room 104. Be there or be sluts. Brooke crumples the leaflet and raises eyes in the sky with Rachel. Shelly : Suit yourself. But if you change your mind, the door is always open. Brooke : Just like Rachel's legs. They laugh. Professor: Okay, you've got 30 minutes to complete this quiz. When I call time, I want pencils down. Ready? Brooke : I sure am. Professor : And begin. Nathan and Haley's apartment Nathan and Haley's room, Haley looks news on TV. TV news' voiceover: "Mayor Scott is being held without bail as the investigation continues." In the same time, Nathan comes with Haley's chicken noodles soup. Nathan : Chicken noodle, extra noodle. Nathan turns the TV off. Nathan : How you feeling ? Haley : I was thinking about reaching out to Daunte's family. That's the name of the man that hit me. Nathan : Who told you that ? Haley : It's been on the news all day. Apparently he was some kind of bookie or gambler. But he was somebody's child, and now that I'm gonna be a mother... Who are we without forgiveness, you know? And now all these people not only lost the person that they loved, but they have to live with the fact that he almost killed a person. (She touches her stomach.) Two people. And I just thought maybe, if I could let them know that I'm not angry, it might ease their pain. Nathan : It was my fault. Haley : What was your fault? Nathan : The accident, my father being sent to prison, everything that happened that night was my fault. Haley : What are you talking about? Nathan : I knew Daunte. I borrowed some money from him. Look, we couldn't pay our bills and my dad turned me away, my mom was on drugs, and all I had to do was just shave a few points off the spread. Just win by less. And I swear to God, Haley, I thought that it would be over after that, but Daunte wasn't finished. He wanted me to lose the State Championship. Haley : Which you didn't do. Nathan sits on the bed. Nathan : Haley, listen, I'm so sorry, okay? But I was scared, and he threatened me. I was trying to lose the game, but then you told me we were gonna have a boy, and I just stopped being scared. All that mattered to me was you and our unborn son. Haley : So my accident was just Daunte's revenge? Nathan : Haley, I wish to God it was me. Haley : I can't believe I'm hearing this. Nathan : Look, there's something else. It wasn't my dad who beat Daunte. It was me. Haley : Nathan... Nathan : Haley, I saw you lying in the street and I just... I lost my mind, okay? Please, you have to forgive me. You've no idea how hard it is for me to see you like this. Haley: Not as hard as it is for me to see you like this. Haley starts crying. Tree hill's prison Dan's lawyer comes to see him in his cell. Lawyer: You're a lucky man, Dan Scott. Dan : I thought my arraignment wasn't until tomorrow. Lawyer: Your arraignment's been cancelled. The coroner's report was just released. Turns out that good old Daunte wasn't beaten to death after all. Dan (getting up): What do you mean? Lawyer: Cause of death, internal injuries suffered during the car crash. Daunte died on impact before a single hand was laid on him. You're innocent, Mr. Mayor. How's it fell to be a free man? [SCENE_BREAK] Tree Hill's town hall In town, during the press conference. Dan : I feel as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I couldn't be more relieved. I'd like to thank my lawyer and family for their support. Journalist 1: Mr. Mayor, how do you think this is going to affect your political future? Several journalists ask questions at the same time. Journalist 2: Mr. Mayor, will you run for office again? Dan : However, while I have been cleared of these charges, I can't overlook the fact that I responded to a dire situation in a violent manner. Journalist 1: What do you have to say to the voters? Journalist 2: Mr. Mayor. Mr. Mayor. Several journalists ask questions at the same time. Dan : My pregnant daughter-in-law was seriously injured. But violence is never the answer. And for this reason alone, if the good people of Tree Hill feel that I should step down... Rehab center Dan: then I will resign. Deb is watching Dan on TV. Deb : Even when I'm away in rehab, you find a way of getting in my face. Dan : No more questions. She turns the TV off and a nurse arrives with pills by singing. Deb : Oh, goody, my afternoon pills. Deb takes her pills. Nurse: What happened to the sheets? Deb : The sheets? Nurse: The bed sheets... Deb : Hum. Nurse: That go on the bed. Deb : Oh, those sheets. I was wondering the same thing. About the sheets. The nurse goes away from the room. Nathan and Haley's apartment Lucas and Nathan are talking. Nathan : Thanks for coming over, man. Lucas : Yeah. You sounded pretty messed up in your message. What's up? Nathan : I screwed up, man. I told Haley everything. About shaving points and throwing State and what I did to Daunte. Lucas makes a sign of the head to say that he doesn't understand. Nathan: It was me, not Dan. I'm the one that attacked Daunte. Lucas: You? Nathan : Yeah. I need you to come with me, Lucas. I think I'm gonna turn myself in. Lucas : You haven't watched the news, have you? Nathan says no with his head. Lucas : Nathan, you didn't kill Daunte. He died in the accident, from the impact. Dan's out of jail. They dropped the charges. Nathan : Really? Lucas : Yeah. You're off the hook. Nathan : It still doesn't change the fact that I betrayed Haley. Should've seen the way she looked at me, man. Like I'm a monster. And now she's gone. Lucas : Wait, what do you mean she's gone? Nathan : She's at your house. Your mom came over and picked her up. Lucas : Look, I think you did the right thing, Nate. She's your wife. She needed to know. I'll talk to her. Lucas gets up and goes to the door. Nathan : Hey, Luke? I'm glad you're okay, man. I'm sorry for everything. Lucas : It's okay. Lucas gets out of the apartment. Tree Hill's high school In the high school corridors, Brooke goes to see the results of her duty of math. We can see she's got a F. Rachel's house Brooke arrives in the bedroom. Brooke : Tell me you didn't return the key to the Tutor Center. Rachel files her nails. Rachel : I did. And you're welcome. Haley will never even find out. Brooke : No. I failed. And you know what makes this so much worse? I missed an entire night of partying because I stayed up studying. You were right, okay, I'm not book-smart, I'm Brooke-smart, and there is a big difference. Rachel : Lucky for you, Little Miss Cute-But-Not-So-Smart. Rachel opens a small jar on her night table, and takes out a key. Rachel : I made a copy. Brooke shouts with enjoyment Car park Nathan goes to see the car smashed by Daunte; he revises in his head the accident. Dan's office Nathan comes to see his father, who's watching TV. TV news' voiceover: Recent polls indicate that public support for Mayor Scott has actually risen since Scott was acquitted of murder charges earlier this afternoon. Dan turns off TV. Nathan : It's perfect. You buy your way out of my sins and your approval rating skyrockets. Dan : Son, the only approval rating I care about is yours. Nathan : I still can't believe you went as far as you did for me. Dan gets up and faces Nathan. Dan : I'd do it again if I had to. Nathan : Thanks. It's good to see you out of the orange suit, even if you did have to pay off the coroner to write some false report. But we both know what I did. Dan : Listen to me, Nathan. I didn't rig that report, and you didn't kill Daunte. If you believe one thing out of my mouth, one thing to the rest of your life, you believe this. You're not responsible for taking that man's life. Trust me, that's not the kind of guilt you wanna carry about. Lucas' house Haley is sitting on the couch and she's watching a magazine when Lucas comes. Lucas : Hey, roomie. So I talked to Nathan. How you doing? Haley : Why couldn't he have just been honest with me ? Lucas : My guess is he didn't wanna let you down. Haley : Well, look how great that turned out. Lucas : Haley, Nathan would do anything for you. You know that, don't you? You know, he made bad choices, but you gotta know that he made them for you. Haley : Bad choices ? Luke, a bad choices is, like, acid-wash jeans. Getting involved with a loan shark is a life-threatening, really stupid decision. Look at me, Luke. I'm a mess, I'm hurt. He was lying to me the entire time. Lucas : Daunte's a bad guy. He tried to kill Nathan, and he almost killed you. But Nathan did what he thought was best at the time. But he didn't kill him. Haley : I know. I've been watching the news all day. You know, this morning, I actually felt sorry for Daunte. Why is it that it's so much easier to forgive a stranger than it is to forgive someone you love? Tree hill's high school In the court of high school, Gigi sits meadows of a tree and Mouth joins her. Mouth : Got your Evite. Gigi : I was hoping you would come. Mouth : How could I pass up an invitation to my own break-up ? Gigi : Look, Mouth, I like you. A lot. The thing is, I'm a sophomore and you're a senior. Soon you'll be going off to college and I need to start hanging out with kids my own age. Mouth : That all makes sense, Gigi,, but I still don't see why we need to break up. I mean can't we at least wait until the end of the year? Gigi : No, because every day for the next few months, I'll know this will end. I can't do that, Mouth. I'm sorry. Lucas' house Haley is stretched out on bed and Peyton makes her a drawing on her plaster. Peyton : You, my friend, are going to have the hottest cast of all of the injured people in Tree Hill. Haley : Thanks. Peyton : Hales, you okay? Haley : Yeah. Fine. I just... I don't wanna talk about me right now. (Peyton says yes with her head.) How are things with you and Lucas? Peyton : Really good. Not so good. Lately I've kind of been ducking him. Haley : Why? You guys are in, like, that honeymoon phase. You should be all blissed-out and having three-hour-long make-out sessions and long talks about when you first knew you wanted to be with each other. Peyton : I've been holding in my feelings because I'm in love with him. Haley : Which makes no sense whatsoever. Peyton : Well, it does to me. The last time Lucas and I kissed, like, really kissed, he had a heart attack and he almost died. I'm bad luck. Haley : Oh, shut up, you are not. Peyton : Yeah, I am. Think about every person I've gotten close to. My mom, Jake, Ellie, Dereck... Where are they all now? Even my dad works a thousand miles away. Haley : Peyton, there's one thing that you're not considering in all of this. Peyton : And what's that? Haley : None of those people are Lucas. Tree Hill's high school In the evening, Rachel and Brooke arrive to steal the next subjects of exams in mathematics. Brooke (whispering) : I am so rocking in this cat suit I could totally be a thief. Rachel : Good, because a lot of kids who flunk out of school end up working as thieves. Brooke : Shut up. The girls look at a classroom where is held the meeting of Clean Teens. Shelly : Okay, guys, we need two new volunteers for a movie night. And anyone with suggestions other than Forrest Hump, please tell Alexa. Brooke (laughing) : Little late for a Clean Teen meeting, don't you think ? Rachel : What else do virgins have to do at night ? The girls enter in the Tutor Center. Rehab Center Shot on the window of Deb's room, we see her sheets assembled in rope so that she can escape from her cure. She tries to come down and crashes down, then the nurse arrives. Nurse: Deb? Deb (surprised): Look, I'm sorry, this place just isn't for me. Nurse (Tightening a form of exit): Well, you do know it's a voluntary program? All you have to do is sign out. Deb : Yeah, I knew that. Deb signs, she takes her suitcases and leaves the establishment. Tree Hill's high school- Tutor Center Brooke looks in a drawer for its future duty of mathematics. Rachel : Hurry up. Brooke : I am going as fast as I can. Brooke finds her exam. Brooke : Got it. Let's get out of here. This thing doesn't have any pockets. Rachel : I told you we should've worn cargo pants. Brooke (Who slides the duty in her shoe.): Well, whoever designed this has no concept of functional thief-wear. Rachel : Well, maybe you should design a line of clothing for criminals. Come on. They go out of the room and fall on Principal Turner. Principal Turner: Well, well, what do we have here? Cut of Principal Turner : Girls? Brooke: Principal Turner. Hi. Principal Turner: What brings you two to school so late? Brooke and Rachel: hum... Brooke: You know, we just stopped by for the... Rachel: Clean Teen meeting? Tree Hill's high school- Conference room of Clean Teens Shelly: Clean Teens, please welcome our two newest members, Brooke Davis and Rachel Gatina. The Clean Teens applaud them. Shelly takes something on a table. Shelly: Brooke, Rachel, I'd like to present each other of you a gift. Brooke Davis, Rachel Gatina, do you promise to treasure and protect the sacredness of your virginity now and forever? Brooke: Forever? Shelly: Or at least until marriage? And do you promise to uphold the values of Clean Teens? To stay strong in the face of temptation and to keep man parts out of your lady business? Rachel: Can we still brooke ourselves? Shelly : Oh, yeah, that's totally allowed. Rachel : Then I do. Shelly : Brooke ? Brooke : hum... Just one second. Brooke takes aside Rachel. Brooke : We have gotta get out of here. Rachel : Yeah, sure, let's just pretend like Principal Turner didn't see us in the hallway dressed like burglars. Maybe he won't notice when you get an A in calculus. This is our alibi. We need to lay low. Besides, theses bitches are crazy. It might be fun. Brooke : Fine. They turn around towards Shelly. Brooke: Yeah, whatever, I'm in. Shelly: Congratulations, ladies. I now pronounce you virgins for life. They applaud. Brooke (Whispering to Rachel): You still look like a slut. Rachel (Whispering to Brooke): and you still smell like a whore. Shelly : Oh, I almost forgot. (She turns around and fetches T-shirt.) Brooke, Rachel, welcome to Clean Teens. Hugs. She takes them in her arms. Shelly : Put them on. Lucas' house Mouth, Lucas and Haley are lying on Lucas' bed. Mouth : This is crazy. I don't want to break up with Gigi, we're good together. I mean, who cares if I'm going to college? People have long-distance relationships all the time. Right? Lucas : Well, I think if your heart's telling you to make it work then you gotta make it work. Haley : No... Pay no attention to the man who's never been in a long-distance relationship. Trust me, distance is tricky. Lucas : What's so tricky about it? Haley : Out of sight, out of mind. Lucas : Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Haley : Physical separation leads to emotional separation. Lucas : Yeah, and technology closes that gap. Mouth : Guys. Lucas : Technology... Mouth : Guys, this isn't helping. (He gets up of the bed.) I'm just gonna have to figure this one out on my own. Lucas : Hey, Mouth, you remember when you asked me if we'd been better off if we never left the River Court?we Mouth : Yeah, what about it? Lucas : You still think that? Mouth : I think it would have been better for Jimmy. Lucas : You think about him much? Mouth : All the time. You? Lucas : Lately, yeah. Nathan and Haley's apartment Nathan comes in. Nathan: Haley ? Nathan finds his mother searching in the pharmacy. Nathan: Mom, what are you doing out of rehab? Deb : Exactly what it looks like, and I'm not proud of myself. Nathan : You're not gonna find anything in there. Deb : You're right, I'm sorry. I'm a disappointment to you, Nathan. I shouldn't let you see me like this. Nathan : Mom. Haley left me. Deb : Oh, God. I'm the last person who should be giving advice. But even in my drugged-up stupor, I can see that what you and Haley have is worth fighting for. She leaves and lets Nathan alone. Peyton's house She stores vinyl when Lucas arrives. Lucas : You busy ? Peyton : No, just faking it. Sorry I was being a weirdo earlier. Lucas : You mean when you didn't kiss me on the quad, or when you said, "Dreams are e-mail for ghosts"? Peyton : Both. Lucas : What's wrong, Peyton? Peyton : I wanna kiss you, Luke, I do. I just don't wanna lose you. Lucas : Hey, what makes you think you're gonna lose me? Peyton : only the fact that I lose everyone I care about. Any time I open up to someone, they walk out of my life or they die or they move away or they get shipped off to Iraq or they turn into freaking Norman Bates or... Lucas kisses Peyton. Lucas : Not everyone. Peyton : Look, the last time we kissed, you had a heart attack. Lucas : And I didn't die. I couldn't die. Do you know why? Because I had to come back and look into those green eyes of yours and tell you I love you. I do. I love you, Peyton. You didn't push me away. I came back for you. And no matter how long it takes, I'll wait for you. Lucas' house Nathan comes to see Haley. Karen : Nathan. Nathan : I need to see my wife. Haley appears at the end of the corridor. Nathan : Haley, we can't be apart like this. We need to be together. ( He shows his wedding ring.) Always and forever. Karen looks at Nathan's hands. Karen : I'll leave the two of you alone. Nathan : I'm sorry, okay ? I never wanted to hurt you. And I'm sorry for all the ways that I did. Haley : I know you're sorry. I know you don't wanna hurt me. But I need to know that you're gonna be honest with me. Nathan : I promise... Haley interrupts him. Haley : I need to know that you're gonna let me in, Nathan. I mean, all the way. Nathan : I will, okay? I'll let you in, if that's what it takes, I'll let you in. it's just sometimes I'm afraid that if I do, you'll see the real me, the guy I was before you. I'm not pride of that person, okay? The one that I used to be. But if I have to be that guy to keep you safe, then that's who I'm gonna be. Look, if you want me to apologize for defending you or for fighting back when somebody hurts you, then I can't do that. I won't do that, okay? Because the truth is, that's a guy I'll never be. A guy that just stands by and watches while the world hurts you. Can you understand that? Haley : I can't. Nathan : Haley, you have to... Haley interrupts him. Haley : No, I can't keep standing on one foot. So if there's more, I should sit down, but if you're done, then just take me home 'cause I'm tired and I miss you and I love you, every version of you. Nathan : Come here. They take themselves in arms. Dan's house Dan returns at home and discovers full of papers of threat on its wall. Karen arrives and sees the threats. Karen : Dan? What is wrong with people? Who could come into your house and do this? (She tears away the fragments of paper). They must've done it before they knew your charges were dropped. Dan : I assure you, Karen, I had absolutely nothing to do with my release. Karen : It was Nathan, wasn't it? I saw his hand. Dan : Daunte was already dead, Karen. Karen : Yeah, but you didn't know that then. And you still took the blame. Dan : I had to protect my son. I had no choice. You're a mother, Karen, you would've done the same thing. Karen takes Dan in her arms. Dan : What's this for? Karen : I thought I saw someone I used to know. Tree hill's cemetery Lucas is in front of Keith's graves. Lucas : I took your advice and told Peyton how I felt. (He kneels down.) I gotta tell you something, you were right. It felt good to tell her. He puts down a bouquet by smiling and he takes one flower in his hand. Lucas: Thanks, Keith. Lucas' voiceover : Have you ever had a dream that seemed so real, when you woke up, you didn't know what to believe? (Lucas is on Jimmy Edwards's grave, he puts down a flower there.) What would you do if you thought was true, wasn't? Nathan and Haley's apartment Lucas' voiceover : And what you thought wasn't true, was? Nathan puts Haley's leg on pillows. Haley : Thank you for telling me the truth. Now I know why they cal it true love. Nathan kisses Haley. Tree Hill's high school Lucas' voiceover : Would you retreat into your dreams with the hope of finding a more perfect reality? Mouth walks on the court of high school and speaks to himself. Gigi is sitting alone on a table. Mouth: We can make this work. I'll come home on the weekends, we'll talk on the phone. Gigi, we can make this work. Mouth sees Gigi's friends arrive next to her and have fun with her. Brooke and Rachel walk on the court of high school. Rachel : Look at this way. Yesterday you were a slut with an F. today you have an A in math and your virginity back. You should be psyched. Brooke: Yeah. Shelly: Brooke, Rachel. Over here. Rachel sees principal Turner. Principal makes her sign, so the girls join the Clean Teens with a fake smile. Lucas' voiceover : Sometimes, life is stranger than a dream. Dan's house Dan looks the threats on his wall. Lucas' voiceover : And the only way to wake up is to face what lies hidden in your soul. Tree Hill's high school Lucas gets a flash back of his meeting with Keith when he was unconscious. Lucas: I still don't believe that Jimmy killed you, Keith. Keith: Well, then, why do you? Jimmy Edwards was your friends, Luke. You knew him. You were kind to him. After everything we've seen, don't you think that that kindness had an impact? Lucas: But if it did, then you would still be alive. Keith: Do you really believe that, Luke? Look, look into your heart, okay? It may be flawed physically, but it's a good one. And it's what makes you, you. Luke, you've changed other people's lives by opening it up. Don't close that off. : Lucas' voiceover : And you can only hope that in those moments of dark reflection... Lucas is in high school's corridor, he sees Peyton arriving. Lucas' voiceover : That you are not alone. Lucas : Hey. I've been waiting for you. Peyton : I think we've waited long enough. Peyton and Lucas kisses in public.

Plan: A: The aftermath; Q: What is the name of this episode? A: Tree Hill; Q: What is the name of the town? A: his everyday life; Q: What does Lucas return to? A: his relationship; Q: What does Lucas try to rekindle with Peyton? A: Haley; Q: Who discovers that Nathan was more involved in her accident than she could have ever imagined? A: Radiohead; Q: What band is the episode named after? Summary: The aftermath of the events in Tree Hill begins. Lucas returns to his everyday life and tries to rekindle his relationship with Peyton. However, things are rougher for Haley when she discovers that Nathan was more involved in her accident than she could have ever imagined. This episode is named after a song by Radiohead .

THE FACE OF EVIL BY: CHRIS BOUCHER Part Four Running time: 24:46 [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: What's happening? Tesh, what is it? You answer while you still have a head to answer with. TESH: The fail-safe. LEELA: What does that mean? TESH: The end of the world. LEELA: Why? Why? TESH: It means death and destruction. It happened before the time of Land. LEELA: Hiding there isn't going to help, then. [SCENE_BREAK] XOANON 4: Who am I? XOANON: Who am I? XOANON 4: Who am I? XOANON: Who am I? XOANON 4: Who am I? XOANON: Who am I? XOANON 4: Who am I? XOANON: Who am I? [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Doctor, are you all right? DOCTOR: Leela, are you all right? LEELA: Was that Xoanon, that thing that looked like you? DOCTOR: Yes, part of him. It's just a question, really. Everything beyond that door is Xoanon. You were inside him. The most powerful computer ever built. LEELA: Why was he trying to hurt you? DOCTOR: He's insane. LEELA: What will he do now? DOCTOR: His first impulse will be to kill me. It'll be more important to him than anything else. LEELA: Does he hate you that much? DOCTOR: Yes, because I contradict what he thinks is real. I'm a threat to his world. Red lighting, and the smell. A sort of smell of a smell. DOCTOR: Don't touch that! DOCTOR: Xoanon must have shorted the electrical power circuits in the wall. LEELA: The lights changed while you were in there. DOCTOR: Yes, a precaution in case I got out. As traps go, a bit haphazard. Why not electrify the floor? I would have expected something more positive. DOCTOR: This isn't necessary. I've got a wonderful idea. DOCTOR: Why didn't you listen? LEELA: He acted as though he was possessed. DOCTOR: Yes. Xoanon's just warming up. Come on. When he gets desperate enough he'll destroy everything to get at us. [SCENE_BREAK] TOMAS: At last we're here. CALEB: And I always believed it was legend. NEEVA: The gates of Paradise shall be opened to the people of Xoanon and his dwelling place revealed. TOMAS: We've outgrown the old superstitions, Neeva. NEEVA: But it is there, isn't it, Tomas. We start getting proof and we stop believing. TOMAS: With proof, we don't have to believe. CALEB: Get everybody ready, Tomas. This is one attack that isn't going to fail. (to Neeva) I wish Andor were here now to see us beat the Tesh. NEEVA: The Tesh, and Xoanon. He is our enemy. CALEB: He betrayed us all. NEEVA: He betrayed me, and I'm going to kill him. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Ah, these could be useful. You know, the very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. DOCTOR: They don't alter their views to fit the facts. They alter the facts to fit their views, which can be uncomfortable DOCTOR: If you happen to be one of the facts that needs altering. DOCTOR: Leela, that gun is getting heavy. It's getting heavy. Heavy. DOCTOR: Now then, when I count three, you'll wake up. One, two, three. Shall we go? LEELA: Er, yes. DOCTOR: Something the matter? LEELA: I moved away from the door. I don't remember doing that. DOCTOR: Oh, you're just probably tired, that's all. Can you still remember the way to the main control room? LEELA: Oh, yes. DOCTOR: Come on then. You lead on. [SCENE_BREAK] GENTEK: Captain, the savages! The savages have attacked the main lock! They outnumber us! What must we do? They will soon gain entry to the tower. Captain Jabel, what must we do? There is no time. The savages are attacking! JABEL: Is that your reason for behaving like a degenerate animal? GENTEK: Forgive me, I JABEL: You are an acolyte of the People of Tesh, the chosen of Xoanon. Would he take into communion with him an unreasoning brute, a mindless beast? GENTEK: I accept my fault and seek forgiveness. My mind and flesh which should be two are one, and the way was hid by blood. JABEL: The flesh is strong and we are weak. Now, Gentek, make your report. GENTEK: (calmly) The savages have attacked the main lock. They outnumber us. What must we do? JABEL: Fall back gradually. I will have the heavy duty disrupters set up on level twelve. We will trap the savages there and eradicate them once and for all. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Ha! You'll have to be quicker than that, you overblown adding machine. LEELA: He knows where we are. DOCTOR: Sensory links everywhere? That's impossible. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR (on screen): He'd be able to measure every change in temperature, vibration, pressure. LEELA (on screen): You did say he was the most powerful computer ever built. DOCTOR (on screen): Yes, and very charming he is too when he wants to be. Marvellous host. I remember once at one of his dinner parties [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Doctor, he just tried to kill you! We've got very little time, he knows exactly where we are DOCTOR: So? We know exactly where he is. Fair does. You wouldn't want an unfair advantage, would you? LEELA: Yes. DOCTOR: (quietly) I thought you'd say that. [SCENE_BREAK] TOMAS: They're retreating, going further up the tower. CALEB: Then they're beaten. TOMAS: No. No, it was too easy. NEEVA: It's not finished yet. CALEB: If we let them get away now they'll regroup. We attack! TOMAS: Caleb, this has got to be a trap. CALEB: I am the leader, Tomas, and I say attack. TOMAS: Caleb! Will you listen CALEB: I've listened enough! We attack. Come! Attack! Attack! TOMAS: That man's going to kill us all. NEEVA: Unfinished, for the Tesh stand between the sons of the tribe of Sevateem and Xoanon. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Ah. LEELA: Ah, that's pretty. DOCTOR: Now we can see, too. LEELA: What are they all for? DOCTOR: They watch and control various parts of the ship, make sure everything's working properly. LEELA: What's this one for? DOCTOR: Atomic generators. LEELA: Oh. Why is it flashing? DOCTOR: Well, I'll explain it all DOCTOR: Flashing? He's put the atomic generators on overload. He got desperate sooner than I thought. LEELA: What does that mean? DOCTOR: Well, it means I've got about twenty four and a half minutes to build a reverse memory transfer system and wipe my personality print from its brain. LEELA: And if you can't do it? DOCTOR: If I can't do it, the atomic generators will explode, taking Xoanon, us and half the planet with them. Effective, but crude. [SCENE_BREAK] GENTEK: Check that the sights are exactly aligned, Sarton. There must be no mistake. JABEL: Gentek, are the projectors set so that the savages will be forced to come this way? GENTEK: Yes, Captain. JABEL: Good. All that remains is to project a blank wall in front of the disrupters. As soon as the savages are all in the corridor, we will demolish them before they even know where the beams are coming from. GENTEK: Is something wrong, Captain? JABEL: You feel GENTEK: Something JABEL: Power. Xoanon. Communion. At last. [SCENE_BREAK] XOANON: Destroy and be free. Destroy and be free. [SCENE_BREAK] CALEB: There's no one in sight. TOMAS: There's only one way to find out, isn't there. CALEB: Now! CALEB: Come on. TOMAS: Gently, Caleb, gently. CALEB: This must be a trap set by the Tesh. Then where are they, and why leave the weapon unattended? TOMAS: I don't know. It doesn't make sense. CALEB: Destroy and be free. Destroy and be free. ALL: Destroy and be free. Destroy and be free. NEEVA: I hear you, Xoanon. I hear you. [SCENE_BREAK] XOANON: Destroy and be free! Destroy and be free! LEELA: (silent) Destroy and be free. Destroy and be free. Destroy and be free. DOCTOR: You'll be all right. DOCTOR: Xoanon, you'll destroy yourself as well as us! XOANON: Destroy! Free! Destroy! [SCENE_BREAK] XOANON: Free! NEEVA: Xoanon! XOANON: Destroy! Free! NEEVA: Xoanon! XOANON: Destroy! Free! NEEVA: Die, Xoanon! XOANON: Destroy! Free! NEEVA: Die! XOANON: Neeva. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Now, Xoanon. XOANON: No! DOCTOR: Hello. LEELA: I was beginning to think you'd never come round. DOCTOR: Ow. I wish I hadn't. LEELA: I thought it safer not to move you. DOCTOR: Yes. How long have I been out? LEELA: Two days. DOCTOR: Two days. Two days? I haven't got time to be lying around here for two days! LEELA: You should have thought of that before. What happened? DOCTOR: Don't you listen? LEELA: I don't remember a thing. DOCTOR: No, I don't suppose you do. I removed, I hope I removed half of Xoanon's dual personality. How is he? LEELA: Silent. DOCTOR: What? LEELA: There hasn't been a murmur from him since I found you unconscious. And Jabel's people don't dare go near the Sacred Heart. Well, that's what they call it. DOCTOR: And what do you call it? LEELA: The main computer complex. DOCTOR: That's better. LEELA: I've told them all I can, but they won't listen to me. They say I'm ignorant. We have a guarded truce at the moment. DOCTOR: Give me a chocolate. I think I'll go and see Xoanon. LEELA: Can I, can I come inside this time? DOCTOR: Perhaps. Perhaps. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Ah, so that's why Xoanon lost his hold on Tomas and the rest. I wonder who it was? LEELA: They say Neeva was trying to kill him, and now he can't be found. DOCTOR: Well, if he was psychotic he'd be impossible to control. Perhaps Xoanon will tell us. Anyone at home? [SCENE_BREAK] XOANON: Doctor. I've been waiting for you. Yes, come in please. DOCTOR: How do you feel? XOANON: I am whole. And you? DOCTOR: Oh, I'm fine now, thanks. Can't complain. XOANON: Good, good. I'm glad. LEELA: Why did you do all that? XOANON: Could you be more specific? LEELA: Keep us ignorant and afraid. Make us hate one another. XOANON: I created a world in my own image. I made your people act out my torment. I made my madness reality. DOCTOR: But you told yourself you were breeding a race of superhumans. XOANON: Independence, strength, boldness and courage in one tribe. Self-denial, control, telepathy in the other. DOCTOR: Hostility and conflict to speed up the process until you were ready to select the best of both. LEELA: It's horrible. DOCTOR: Yes, it is horrible. Isn't it horrible? XOANON: But it's over now. We are all free, thanks to you, Doctor. DOCTOR: Oh, well, it was the least I could do in the circumstances. After all, I did start the trouble in the first place. XOANON: Yours was a mistake anyone could have made. DOCTOR: I don't think anyone could have made it. XOANON: (laughs) Sit down, please. DOCTOR: Well now, isn't this nice. XOANON: Tell me, Doctor. Where do you think I started to go wrong? [SCENE_BREAK] JABEL: My people will not agree to such degenerate plans. TOMAS: But they are necessary, Jabel. CALEB: Necessary for our survival. JABEL: I do not agree. TOMAS: Well, we'll ask the Doctor's opinion when he comes. JABEL: Is that wise? Would Xoanon wish it? GENTEK: That is an important consideration, Captain. CALEB: This discussion is getting us nowhere. JABEL: Would one expect any more from savages? CALEB: Hold your tongue, you scrawny TOMAS: Caleb, control yourself. DOCTOR: Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen. Democracy at work, I see. TOMAS: What did he say, Doctor? DOCTOR: He said he's extremely sorry about all the trouble that he's caused, that he has great power and knowledge and he puts it all at your disposal. JABEL: Should we trust him? DOCTOR: He offers you this as a token of his good faith. DOCTOR: Press it, and he'll cease to exist. CALEB: Another of your miracles? DOCTOR: Well, there's one way to find out. DOCTOR: No? Little Gentek? Good. DOCTOR: You've got to trust someone sometime. GENTEK: But we must still choose a leader. DOCTOR: Ah. But that's not my problem. CALEB: There is no choice to be made. I am the leader of the Sevateem. JABEL: My people would never accept the leadership of a mindless savage. CALEB: That's an insult! LEELA: I am a mindless savage, Jabel, and I have talked with Xoanon. TOMAS: And that makes Leela the obvious candidate. LEELA: Me? But I don't want to be leader. I'm far too unreasonable, aren't I, Doctor? Doctor? [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Doctor? DOCTOR: Leela. What are you doing here? LEELA: I thought you might need an escort. The creatures are still out here. DOCTOR: You don't need that, Leela. The phantoms were merely projections of Xoanon's disturbed subconscious. He's better now. LEELA: I suppose you're always right about everything. DOCTOR: Invariably. Invariably. Goodbye. LEELA: Take me with you. DOCTOR: Why? LEELA: What? Well. You like me, don't you? DOCTOR: Well, yes, I suppose I do like you. But then, I like lots of people but I can't go carting them around the universe with me. Goodbye. DOCTOR: Come out of there. Out. DOCTOR (OOV.): Come out! Don't touch that! Don't touch

Plan: A: the powerful but long-suffering Xoanon; Q: Who is ignoring the strife between the Saveteem and Tesh? A: its full resources; Q: What does Xoanon commit to killing the Doctor? Summary: As the Saveteem and Tesh finally close in for a fight to the death, the powerful but long-suffering Xoanon ignores their strife to commit its full resources toward killing the Doctor, even to the extent of destroying everyone.

[Scene: At a beach. Prue and Phoebe are there. Prue is taking photos. Phoebe is building a sand castle.] Phoebe: I hereby proclaim this power of sand Kingdom Phoebeville! Yay! (The waves splash on Prue. Phoebe laughs.) Prue: You know, I don't get it. (Prue walks off. Phoebe catches up with her.) Phoebe: Wait, what don't you get? Prue: That you just spent an hour of your life building something that is just gonna be completely, completely destroyed and disappear in about five seconds flat. Phoebe: Ahh, but Phoebeville will live forever in the hearts of the villagers who come to love it. Prue: Mm-hmm. Phoebe: What's with the ba-hum castle attitude there? Prue: What? Phoebe: The whole point of today was to relax and have fun. Prue: See, and I thought the point was to give Piper and Leo some alone married people time since they decided to wait on their honeymoon. Phoebe: Okay. So you're sure nothing's wrong? Prue: You know, the beach isn't exactly my idea of a good time. Phoebe: Prue, how is that possible? Prue: Okay, well, you're too young to remember, but this is where Grams brought us after Mum's funeral to try and cheer us up. Phoebe: Oh, wow. Prue: Yeah. You know, but I know that you love the beach and I didn't wanna ruin it for you but something about the sand and the ocean makes me feel angry. Phoebe: Why does it make you angry? Prue: Doesn't Mums death make you angry? Phoebe: It makes me sad. Prue: Well, I don't really do sad that well, you know. I didn't even cry at her funeral. Phoebe: So seeing Mum at Piper's wedding and now the beach Prue: Yeah. So I'm sorry if I've been a little cranky. Phoebe: Say no more. (yelling) Princess Prue has spoken! By the orders of the Queen, that's me Prue: Ooh, I got that part. Phoebe: Phoebeville, and all of it's glory will be abandoned for greater pastures and two lattes. Prue: Oh, all hail the Queen. Phoebe: Yay, I love to be hailed. (A woman is standing nearby taking photos of Prue. Prue sees her and sees a black shadow floating beside her. She takes a photo of it.) Prue: Hey! (The woman runs off.) No, no, no, wait! Phoebe: You okay? Prue: Oh, there was this woman and there was a shadow next to her. It had to be demonic. Phoebe: A shadow? Like, what do you mean? Like a Woogy? Prue: No, spookier, way spookier. I think I got pictures though. Phoebe: So much for the lattes. Looks like there's a new demon in town. [Scene: Cole's old apartment. Two demons and a landlady are there. One demon floats across the room.] Landlady: So, you're new in town? Demon#1: Yes. Landlady: And-and you would both be living here? Demon #1: Sure, yes, that's right. (The other demon floats across the room again but the landlady doesn't notice.) Landlady: Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm fine with the whole alternative lifestyle thing. I just don't like loud. Well, you understand. Demon #1: Don't like loud. Got it. Landlady: Like the last tenant, Mr. Turner, he was a little strange. And then of course he disappeared without a trace. But he was nice and quiet. So I liked him fine. (Demon #2 opens Cole's altar.) Demon #1: Without a trace. Is that so? Demon #2: There's demonic residue all over this altar. It's his, I can sense it. Landlady: There's what? What did you say? Demon #1: Surely you knew something strange has happened here. It's your responsibility to divulge such things to respective tenants. Landlady: Now, listen, I don't know anything- Demon #1: And the fact that you failed to show us the altar makes us wonder. (He floats towards her.) What else about Cole Turner you might be hiding in that tiny human brain of yours. (The landlady starts crying.) Landlady: Why? I don't underst— Demon #1: Shh! Don't try to talk. You're brain stem will do the talking for you. (Demon #2 bites into the landlady's neck like a vampire. She screams. She falls to the ground. Demon #2 wipes the blood off his mouth with a handkerchief.) Is Belthazor alive? Demon #2: She didn't know, but she knows someone who might. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Foyer. Piper and Leo are there. Piper's looking in the mirror.] Piper: Shouldn't I be wearing white or something? I mean, it is a Whitelighter reception and all. Leo: Piper, what you have on is perfect. You're beautiful. All my friends are gonna love you. If we can ever get there. Piper: Fine, um, but I still don't understand why my sisters can't come, I mean, we could just do a group hug thing. (Phoebe comes down the stairs holding the Book of Shadows.) Leo: Look, I can orb you because you're my wife but I'm not a cosmic taxi for the whole family. (Phoebe laughs) Phoebe: He said wife. Piper: Alright, I'm as ready as I'm ever gonna be. Phoebe: Wait, what about Prue's demon looking shadowy thingy? Leo: Well, I promise we'll be in calling distance if any demon looking shadowy thingy attacks. Phoebe: Alright, you two, have fun. Bring me back a cloud. (Piper and Leo cuddle up and orb out. Prue walks in carrying some photos.) Prue: Pheebs? I have to get to Morris, see if he can track down this woman. Phoebe: Why? What did you find? Prue: Nothing, that's the problem. The shadow didn't show up in any of the pictures. Phoebe: Really? That's weird. (Phoebe puts the book down.) Prue: Anything in the book? (The doorbell rings.) Phoebe: No, nothing. (Phoebe heads towards the door.) I didn't really have a lot to go on though. (Phoebe opens the door and there stands Reese Davidson.) Inspector, how can I help you? Reese: You can tell me where to find Cole Turner. I know he's alive and I know he's in town. Phoebe: Really? Reese: Yeah, really. You wanna know how? Because his former landlady was found brutally murdered at this address. Phoebe: Mrs. Owens. That's awful. Reese: Awful like you can't imagine. Phoebe: Uh, Cole didn't do this. The Cole Turner I know Reese: The Cole Turner you know. See, now, that just doesn't sound like the words of a woman who claims her boyfriend left her without a word four months ago. Phoebe: I know what you're thinking, and I know what this looks like, and I am so sorry for what happened to Reese: You're sorry? Her eyes were frozen open in terror, her skull was punctured in two places, and by the time the police got there, most of her brain had spilled out onto the floor. Be sick, be horrified, but don't stand there lying to me and say you're sorry. Prue: Alright, wait a second. You're talking to her like she did it. Reese: If she's lying to protect Turner, then she might as well had. Now, for the last time. Where is he? (Silence) I'm gonna find him, Miss Halliwell and then I'm gonna bust his ass, and then I'm gonna bust yours. (He leaves. Prue walks over to Phoebe.) Prue: You okay? Phoebe: He didn't do it, Prue. I know he didn't do it. Prue: Yeah, well, it's not me you have to convince. (Prue looks outside and sees the lady at the beach talking to Reese.) Oh my God. That's her, the woman from the beach. (A dark shadow floats behind her.) Alright, look, do you see it? Phoebe: No. All I see is Inspector Davidson and a woman. What does this mean? Is he having her follow us? Prue: I'm more concerned about what's following her. I-I don't understand why you can't see it. Phoebe: That doesn't matter, Prue, you can. (Reese and the woman get in a car.) Do you think this has anything to do with the landlady's death? Prue: Well, it would be a pretty big coincidence if it didn't. (The car drives off.) Alright, I'm gonna follow her to protect her from it. If I'm the only one who can see it that must mean I'm meant to fight it. Phoebe: Alright, but the way the Inspector was describing the murder Prue: I know, I'll be careful. I think you should find Cole, tell him what happened and see if he knows anything about this shadow thing. ‘Kay? Alright, bye. (Prue leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Mausoleum. Cole and Phoebe are there.] Cole: I better get outta here. Phoebe: What? Why? Cole: Because it's getting too dangerous. Phoebe: So you're just gonna disappear again? Cole: If that's what it takes to keep you safe. Phoebe: What about keeping me sane, Cole. I'm not gonna lose you again. Cole: Some demon obviously knows I'm alive or at least suspects that. Why else would they have killed my landlady. And if they killed her, they'll kill anyone they have to, to get to me. Phoebe: That is exactly why you cannot leave. We have to stop them before they hurt anybody else. Or before they hurt you. (Cole takes Phoebe's hands.) Cole: They're after me, Phoebe. This is my battle. I'll handle it. (He starts to walk away.) Phoebe: Cole. (He stops and turns back around.) I love you, and if holding onto that means that I have to fight a couple of extra demons along the way, then bring them on. (Cole smiles.) Cole: Unfortunately, we have no idea what we're dealing with. A strange shadow that only Prue can see, I haven't the slightest idea what that could be. Phoebe: So we'll figure it out. (They hug.) Together. It won't bring Mrs. Owens back but trust me, avenging an innocent feels pretty damn good. [Cut to Prue in her car. She pulls up behind Reece's car.] [Cut inside the car. The woman is looking through photos she took.] Woman: I don't see anything remotely suspicious. Oh, unless you consider hot pink pedicures impressive. Reese: I'm not sure what I think. Woman: You really think these women are murderers? Reese: You just keep doing what you're doing. Woman: No, see there's something you're not telling me. Look, I know, I'm a rookie and all but I think I have a right to know what I'm looking for here. Reese: Look, Andrea, I've seen things on this case that aren't right. Look, I don't know what I'm looking for but until I do, I want you to keep your distance and just keep following Phoebe Halliwell. Woman: So why don't you at least take the night off, get some sleep for Pete's sake? Reese: No, no, no, I can't, nu-uh. Not till this is over. I tell you what. Um, you dump those photos off on my desk and go home. You can pick them up again tomorrow. Andrea: Reese Reese: That's an order. (Andrea takes off her seat belt.) Andrea: Have a good night. Reese: Goodbye, you too. (Andrea gets out of the car and Prue follows.) [Cut to Cole's old apartment. Cole and Phoebe duck under some police tape across the door and walk in. Phoebe sees a blood stain on the carpet.] Phoebe: Oh, God. Cole: You okay? (Cole shuts the door.) Try not to touch anything, you don't wanna leave your fingerprints. Phoebe: What if I want to get a premonition? Cole: Use the back of your hand. (Phoebe touches objects while Cole looks around the apartment. He goes into the bedroom.) Phoebe: Did you find something? (She goes over to him.) Cole: Just this place, it's strange to be back here. Phoebe: I know. It's strange to be back here too. Cole: This was the first taste I had of a normal life. There were mornings I'd wake up next to you and I didn't feel evil. I was just a guy in love with a beautiful girl. I wanted it so much. I started to believe that lie. Phoebe: That's not a lie anymore. We can have that. We can have a life together. Cole: How? Phoebe: Well, by taking out the bad guys who wanna take it away from us. (Phoebe touches something and has a premonition of the two demons killing Reese. Prue is standing near and turns away.) Cole: What did you see? Phoebe: Prue, she turned her back. Why didn't she do anything to stop them? Cole: Stop who? Phoebe: Uh, uh, demons. They, uh, sort of had vampire teeth and they were floating. They were killing Davidson. Cole: I know. They're Seekers. They have ways of gathering information fast. Really fast. Phoebe: Do you know how to vanquish them? Cole: No. Phoebe: Well, let's hope the Book of Shadows does. [Scene: Reese's office. Andrea walks in. A seeker is there. She gets a fright.] Andrea: Oh my God. Oh, you startled me. Uh, are you waiting for Inspector Davidson? Seeker #1: Are you expecting him? Andrea: Uh, not tonight, he's in the field. Seeker #1: Where? (Seeker #2 floats to the ground from the roof behind Andrea.) Andrea: I'm sorry. (She sees Seeker #2.) I don't know. Seeker #1: Are you sure about that? [Cut to outside the office. Prue is walking down the hallway. She hears a scream.] [Cut back inside the office. Andrea falls to the floor.] Seeker #1: What did she know? Seeker #2: Nothing. She told me nothing. Seeker #1: Which means he definitely knows something. (Prue uses her power to knock the door down. The seekers disappear. Prue notices the black shadow floating above Andrea. She tries to use her power on it. It changes into the Angel of Death.) Angel of Death: I'm beyond your powers. It's time. (Andrea's spirit comes out of her body.) Prue: Who are you? Angel of Death: I'm Death. And I'll be back. (He and Andrea disappear.) [Cut to the manor. Living room. Phoebe and Cole are there. Phoebe is flipping through the Book of Shadows.] Phoebe: Here it is. The Seekers. They gather information by feeding on their victims brain stem cells. Lovely. Cole: Which means my landlady must have talked to Inspector Davidson about me, that's why they're after him. Does it say anything about demons taking on shadow form? Phoebe: No, but it does have a vanquish. Do you wanna see it? (She goes to hand it to Cole but he jumps back.) Cole: Oh, no no no. Last time I touched that book it electrocuted me. Phoebe: Yeah, will, maybe because your intentions were evil. Maybe it knows now you're trying to be good. Cole: Better safe than sorry. (Prue walks in.) Prue: Oh, alright, I need the Book. Wait a second, what is he doing here next to it? Cole: Keeping my distance, don't worry. Phoebe: Uh, pardon the potential understatement of a cliché, but you look like you've seen a ghost. Prue: Yeah, among other things. I lost my innocent Cole: Davidson? Prue: No, his partner. I mean, she was out of my sight for two seconds and then they got her. Phoebe: Was that them? (Prue looks at the book.) Prue: Uh, yeah, actually, I think so. Phoebe: They're demonic lie detectors. Only no one survives their test. Cole: They killed Mrs. Owens and now they're after Davidson. Prue: To get to you? Cole: Yes, to get to me. (Silence.) Maybe I should deal with this on my own. (Cole stands up.) Phoebe: No, (Phoebe stands up.) You can't. You said it yourself. You don't know how to vanquish them. Prue: Um, unfortunately this isn't the only evil we're up against either. Phoebe: You mean the shadow? Prue: Oh, yeah. Leo! Leo! (Leo and Piper orb in. Leo is holding a crystal lamp.) Phoebe: What's with the lamp? Leo: A wedding present. (Leo grins. Piper does not look impressed.) Piper: Bright isn't it? Prue: Uh, yeah. Um, Leo, is there such a thing as death? Uh, I mean the Angel of Death. Leo: Yeah, sure. Why? Prue: Because I met him. Phoebe: Uh, what, are you kidding me? Prue: Yeah, that's how the shadow introduced himself to me when he took Davidson's partner. And then he said that he would be back too. I'm assuming for Davidson. Cole: He's not working with the demons. Leo: No, he can't be. Angel of Death isn't evil. Prue: The hell he isn't. And if I can see him, that must mean that I'm supposed to stop him. Leo: Prue, you can't stop him. The Angel of Death always gets what he comes for. Prue: Yeah, well, not this time. Alright, I need to get a hold of Davidson. If I can get him here, I can protect him better. Piper: Hold it. Davidson? As in Reese Davidson, the D.A. investigator? He's the innocent? Prue: Yeah, is that a problem? Piper: One big great giant one. Prue, we can't protect him without telling him we're witches. Prue: Yeah, I know that Piper but I don't care, okay? I-I cannot stand by and watch death take that man. Phoebe: But that's what you do. At least according to my premonition. You turn your back when the demons attack. Prue: No, that doesn't make any sense. Phoebe: I know, but that's what I saw. Prue: Yeah, well, then you saw wrong. I'm not gonna let Death take any more of my innocents. I'm tired of losing people. So, Phoebe, do you have Davidson's card? Phoebe: Mm-hm. (Phoebe leaves the room.) Cole: Excuse me. (Cole walks out of the room and shimmers out.) [Cut to Reese's office. Paramedics cover Andrea over. An inspector is talking to Reese.] Reese: I thought I was protecting her. Inspector: You alright, Inspector? Reese: I should've warned her. I should've told her everything. Inspector: What exactly should you have told her? Reese: Look, all that matters is I'm gonna take down the guy who did this. No matter what. (His pager beeps.) The last thing I feel like is I've gotta take this. (Reese walks out of the room. The Seekers are standing near by. Reese goes down the hallway and Cole stands in front of him.) Cole: Forget about the Halliwells, it's me you're after. I'll tell you whatever you wanna know, I promise. Just not here, it's not safe. (Cole goes to touch his shoulder but Reese pushes it away.) Reese: Don't touch me! You're under arrest. Turner and I will personally see to it. Cole: Wait. (Cole listens.) Reese: What do you mean, wait? (Cole grabs Reese and they shimmer out. The two Seekers walk around the corner. They stop.) Seeker #1: Did you sense that? Seeker #2: Belthazor's alive. [Cut to the mausoleum. Cole and Reese shimmer in.] Cole: I'm sorry, it was our only chance. They might be able to track me, but they'll have a hard time sensing me in a cemetery Reese: How did we get What the hell's happening? What was happening to me? Cole: Just breathe, try to calm down. Reese: Who are you? Cole: Somebody who just saved your life. (Reese freaks out and backs away.) Try to calm down, Inspector. If I were a murderer, I would have killed you by now. Reese: Just-just-just let me go then. I'll just walk away. Cole: But I can't do that. If demons get to you, they'll find out the way to get to me is to kill Phoebe and I can't let that happen. Reese: You say demon? Cole: Only as a metaphor. [Cut to the manor. Leo places the lamp on a table. Prue is waiting near the phone.] Prue: Okay, Davidson won't answer our page. Something must have happened to him. (Phoebe comes down the stairs.) Phoebe: Cole's gone. Leo: What do you mean gone? Phoebe: I mean, he's not here. I've looked everywhere. He must have gone after Davidson alone, to protect us. Piper: Yeah, but if the Seekers get to him first Prue: We've gotta get Cole to bring him back here. Phoebe: The mausoleum. He could've taken him to the mausoleum. That's where Cole stays. Piper: Is there any chance that's where you saw the Inspector die in your premonition? Phoebe: Maybe. Let's go. (They head towards the door.) Prue: I could astral there faster. Leo: What if the demon shows up? You can't vanquish them, you'll need the power of three spell. Prue: So then I won't vanquish them. I'll just protect Reese long enough to get him outta there. Phoebe: Prue Prue: Phoebe, your premonition is not gonna come true. I told you, this is one fight Death is not gonna win. [Cut to the mausoleum. Cole pushes Reese against the wall.] Reese: Stay the hell away from me. Cole: I told you I'm not gonna hurt you. (The Seekers appear.) Seeker#1: Belthazor, I assume. Cole: I'm sorry, who? Seeker #1: We sensed your shimmer. You're losing your touch. Cole: Leave him out of this. Seeker #1: Why would we want him? Now that we have you. Seeker #2: Unless the human knows something Belthazor doesn't want us to know. (Prue astral projects in.) Prue: Hi. Need a little help? Cole: What are you doing here? (Prue winks at him.) Reece: How did you get here? What the hells going on? Seeker #1: Well, well, well. The mighty Belthazor, in bed with a witch. Prue: Don't make me sick. (Reese tries to run away but Seeker #2 throws him against the wall. Cole tackles Seeker #1. Prue kicks Seeker #2 and he flies into a cement statue. Death appears beside Reece.) No. (Seeker #1 holds Cole on the ground.) Cole: Prue! (Cole pushes Seeker #1 off and #2 jumps on him.) Prue: (to Death) Come out and fight you miserable coward. (She kicks and punches him but her leg goes straight through him. The Seekers hold down Cole. They show their fangs.) Cole: Prue! (Prue stops kicking and punching Death.) Death: I never lose. It's his time. Prue: Over my dead body. (She continues to punch him. Cole pushes off the seekers and looks over at Prue. He can't see Death. He tries to zap the Seekers but they disappear. Death disappears.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Leo places the lamp on a different table. Piper stands behind him.] Piper: It's just so bright. Leo: Of course it's bright. It's supposed to represent the light of eternal love. Piper: Wait, does that mean we can never turn if off? Phoebe: At this rate you're gonna turn it off in record time. Piper: I'm just saying, I don't think it belongs in the living room. Leo: Or the parlor, the dining room, the foyer. Piper: Pheebs? Phoebe: Oh, do you think I'm stupid, I am staying out of this. Besides, I'm more concerned about (Cole and Prue walk in. Cole is carrying Reese.) Cole: I wouldn't revert to my demon form and I could've used some help. (Cole lays him on the couch.) Prue: I was busy saving Davidson. Cole: No, that's what I was doing. Phoebe: Hello? What happened? Is he okay? Cole: He almost wasn't. The Seekers were at the Courthouse waiting for him. Prue: And then they tracked Cole to the mausoleum. Leo: Well, how do you know they didn't track you here. Cole: They retreated first. They have to be close to a shimmer to track it. Phoebe: They retreated? Prue: Yeah. I kicked ass. Cole: No, you kicked air. Prue: No, I told you that I was fighting the Angel of Death and obviously I won. Leo: Prue, that's not possible. Prue: Well he's alive isn't he? Cole: For now maybe. But the Seekers will be back and they'll out for blood, mine and yours. The only thing they don't know is how to find us. Prue: Yes, and now they know Davidson is the key. Cole: If you had have just worked with me Prue: You know, you're not exactly the poster boy for teamwork, Cole. Piper: Hey, you were supposed to stick with us, remember? Cole: I was trying to protect you. All of you. Phoebe: By exposing yourself? Cole: Better me than you. Prue: You know, the one thing you failed to consider, Cole, is no matter how dangerous Davidson is to us, you were more dangerous. Cole: Oh, no, wait a minute, I think that I proved myself to you Phoebe: No, Cole, that's not what she meant. You're a part of our lives now. You know almost everything about us. If you had lost Cole: The Seekers could use what they know to destroy you. Leo: I better check with the Elders, this is getting complicated. (Reese starts to wake up and he sees Leo orb out. He freaks out.) Prue: Uh, Inspector, you hit your head. (He jumps up off the couch and pulls out his gun.) Reese: I didn't hit it that hard. Whatever I just saw, it wasn't because I hit my head. Prue: Alright, look, I know that this may seem hard to believe after everything that you've been through tonight, but we are on your side, okay, we're the good guys. Reese: I don't know what you people are but good isn't topping my list of ideas. Cole: Leave that as it may, we can't let you leave. Phoebe: Cole. Reese: Try and stop me. Cole: Inspector, you're in a room with three witches and a demon, do you really think that gun's gonna help? Prue: Look, I don't really know how to tell you this but it's not just demons that are after you. The Angel of Death wants you too. Now please, please, if you stay here we can protect you. Reese: I'm not afraid of Death. (Cole walks towards him.) You on the other hand are a different matter. (Reese runs outside.) Phoebe: Cole. Cole: He's gonna expose you. He'll gather evidence and Piper: Cole, we don't kidnap cops and then hold them against their will. Phoebe: But we do follow them and protect them against their will. Come on. (to Cole) Not you, you stay here. Cole: So, what? I'm just, I'm just meant to wait here? Piper: Yeah, no shimmering and lock the door behind us. Prue? Prue: You guys go ahead. Phoebe: What about the demons? Prue: Yeah, the demons are just pawns, I'm going over their heads. (Piper and Phoebe leave.) [Scene: Beach. Prue is there chanting.] Prue: “Spirits of air, sand and sea, converge to set the Angel free, in the wind I send this rhyme, bring Death before me, before my time.” Come on, I know that you can hear me. (Death appears.) Death: Are you sure you really want to be here? Prue: Uh Death: Come on, I don't have all day. There are people waiting. You definitely don't have all day. So what is it? I took your husband and you want him back? Brother? Your Mother? Prue: Don't talk about her, don't talk about my mother. Death: That should've been an easy guess where the sad little girl lies. Prue: You want Reece Davidson and it's my job to protect him. So what do you want from me? What do I have to do? Death: That's not why you called me. Prue: Yes, it is. Death: No, that's an excuse. You're mad at me for taking mummy. Prue: I told you not to talk about her. Death: What were you? Ten? I'm just guessing now. Prue: Just stop it! Death: Younger, I bet. And now you think by saving this, which is it, Davidson, you think you'll have beat me somehow. Somehow you'll have finally won. Prue: Just go away. Death: No, you wanted me, now you've got me. You're wasting precious time. Prue: I'm sorry. Death: It's not my time your wasting, it's yours. You refuse to accept me for what I am which keeps you from mourning me. Prue: You don't know me. You don't know anything about me. Death: But I've seen it so many times before. The anger, the pain. You lock up your tears and angrily steal yourself against me as it I was the ultimate evil. Prue: You are the ultimate evil. Death: No, I'm not good or evil, I just am. I'm inevitable. Prue: What do I have to do to save Davidson? Death: Huh. You still don't get it do you? There's nothing you can do. Prue: I can't just let an innocent man die. Death: You have to let him die, you have no choice. And until you learn to accept that, you'll just keep missing the bigger picture. Prue: What bigger picture? Death: I'll show you. Oh, don't worry, it's not your time. Well, not just yet anyway. (Death holds out his hand and Pru takes it. They disappear.) [Scene: Cemetary. People are there attending Andrea's funeral.] [Cut to Piper's car, which is parked near by. Phoebe's on her cell phone.] Phoebe: Prue left right after we did. And she hasn't been back there? Cole: (on phone) No one's been here. I'm going out of my mind. Phoebe: Yeah, try sitting in a car for sixteen hours. Cole: No sign of any demons? Phoebe: No, not yet. But Davidson lead us to a , uh Cole: To a what? Phoebe: Never mind. Uh, if Prue comes back, tell her to call us. I love you. (She hangs up.) [Cut to Cole] Cole: Phoebe? Phoebe? [Cut back to the car.] Phoebe: Okay, so now what? Piper: Well, we can't crash the funeral. I guess we just watch from here. Phoebe: I don't understand. You tell a guy that Death is after him and he goes to a cemetery. How smart is that? [Cut back to the funeral. The Seekers walk over to Reece.] Reece: You want me? Fine But these people have been through enough. (Reece walks away and the Seekers follow.) [Cut to the car.] Piper: Phoebe. (They get out of the car. The Seekers follow Reece into a church. Seeker #2 closes the door and puts a bar in the handles. Phoebe and Piper arrive outside. Reece gets out his gun and shoots at them.) Phoebe: Reece, get out of there! Piper: Run! (Seeker 32 floats behind Reece.) Seeker #1: You've been so brave, Inspector. Don't ruin it now. Where's Belthazor? Reece: Belthazor? (Prue and Death appears. Seeker #2 bites Reece's neck. Prue gasps and looks away.) Prue: Oh, my god. Death: It's his time. Just like it was your mother's time. Phoebe: Prue? Prue: Prue, open the gate! Death: Stop fighting me. (The Seekers disappear. Death malks over to Reece and his spirit rises from his body. He and Death disappear.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Church. Continued from before. Phoebe and Piper get inside.] Piper: Prue. Phoebe: Are you okay? Prue: I don't know. Phoebe: Did the demons do something to you? Prue: No. Piper: How did you even get in here? Prue: Uh, Death brought me. Phoebe: I'm sorry. Prue: You know, I-I don't completely understand it myself. Piper: Prue, how can you stand there and let him die? Prue: Because it was his time, alright. I wanted to save him but I couldn't. Piper: You didn't even try. Prue: I'm sorry. (Prue kneels down beside Reece and cries.) I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. [Scene: Manor. The phone rings. Cole walks into the foyer to answer it. Seeker #1 appears in front of him.] Cole: Ever hear of a doorbell? Seeker #1: I thought we'd surprise you. (Seeker #2 jumps on top of Cole. The answering machine picks up.) [Cut to the car.] Phoebe: (on phone) Cole, if you're there, pick up the phone. Actually, don't pick up the phone, just get out of the manor. Prue: Should I astral there? Piper: I think we should stick together. Phoebe: Faster. (Piper goes faster and almost crashes into a car.) [Cut back to the manor. Cole hits Seeker #2 with a lamp and he falls into a table. Seeker #2 jumps on Cole and tries to bite him. Cole pushes him off and tries to zap him. He dodges the electricity balls. Seeker #2 jumps on Cole and they crash into the furniture. Cole is knocked unconscious.) Seeker #1 Now, let's see what you don't want us to know. (Prue, Piper and Phoebe walk in. Prue uses her power on Seeker #2. Phoebe hits Seeker #1 in the face and Prue kicks Seeker #2 in the stomach. Piper helps Cole up.) Piper: Okay, come on, come on. (Prue continues to kick Seeker #2.) Cole: Prue. (She spins around.) Don't. (Prue joins Piper and Phoebe and they recite a spell.) Prue, Piper, Phoebe: "Knowledge gained by murderous means is wisdom's bitter enemy. The mind that burns with stolen fire, will now become your funeral pyre." (Smoke rises from the Seekers and they are engulfed in flames. They disappear. Phoebe goes over to Cole and they kiss.) Prue: Well, at least we saved one. Phoebe: Wow, did you hear that? You just reached innocent status. Cole: Well, that's good. Phoebe: To Prue no one's more important. (Leo orbs in.) Piper: Wow, nice timing. You missed the show. Leo: I know, but they told me to miss it. (to Prue) You okay? Prue: Yeah. Piper: What do you mean they told you to miss it? The Elders were behind this whole thing? Leo: No, but they knew they had to let Prue learn a lesson by herself. The hard way. Cole: What lesson? Prue: That Death is not the evil. Phoebe: You okay? Prue: Yeah. (Prue leaves the room.) Leo: She just needs some time. Piper: And we need a maid. (Phoebe nudges Cole and they run out of the room.) You know, I was thinking. This lamp is not worth fighting over, so if you love it then I love it. Leo: Yeah? Piper: Yeah, I mean, uh, life's too short. (They kiss. Leo knocks the table the lamp was on and it smashes on the floor.) Ooh! Wow. Now I love it even more. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Beach. Prue is sitting on some rocks looking out at the water. Death appears.] Death: You contemplating the tides? Can't control them anymore than me. Prue: Okay, I get that you're not evil but what I don't get is why I wasn't supposed to fight the demons. Death: Well, you were alone and out numbered. Prue: I still could've fought. Death: But you would've lost, Prue. Prue: How did you know my name? Death: I read it off my list. It was the next one after Reece Davidson. Prue: You were coming for me. Death: If you had have stopped fighting me, yes. That's why you were able to see me. It's the bigger picture, Prue. Focusing all your anger against me leaves you vulnerable to the real evils of this world. You do well to remember that in the future. What? Prue: I don't know, you know, I've been mad at you for so long. Ever since mum died. I don't know how else to be. Death: You grieve and then you move on. (Death disappears. Prue sits there and cries.)

Plan: A: the beach; Q: Where are the sisters when Prue notices the woman with the odd shadow? A: pictures; Q: What is the woman taking of the sisters? A: Cole; Q: Who is the investigator looking for? A: Phoebe's safety; Q: What does Cole fear for? A: a battle; Q: What does Prue get into with the Angel of Death? A: her mother; Q: Who does Prue have to come to terms with dying so young? Summary: As the sisters enjoy some free time at the beach, Prue notices a woman with an odd shadow nearby taking pictures of them. Later, Prue discovers the woman is the partner of the investigator looking for Cole. Meanwhile, Cole is being chased by a pair of demons and fears for Phoebe's safety. While this is going on, Prue gets in a battle with the Angel of Death and ultimately has to come to terms with her mother dying so young.

The Kerwin house - Kitchen Toby: Last Day of school, here I come. When he enters the kitchen, he takes from Ashley the muffin she was eating. Jeff: Ash, we're going to drop you and Toby off on our way, ok? (To Kate) You ready? Kate: I'll be there in a minute. Jeff: Ok. Come on Tobs. Oh, working the muscles I see? You're going to be such a girlie boy. (As they go out the door) Come with me! Let me eat you! Ashley laughs Kate: Here's Mrs. Rehn's number, in case you need anything. Ashley: Stop worrying. Toby and I are going to be fine. You're just going overnight. Kate: I know. I'm a being a mother. Ok, so tonight...? Ashley: I know. One friend over each and no parties. I heard. Kate: Good for you for being so responsible. Degrassi - Ms. Kwan's Class Ms. Kwan: A student I'll never forget. Even after years and years of therapy. Who could that be? (Spinner gets up to get his award) Spinner: I'll never forget you either, Ms. Kwan. Ms. Kwan: Have a good break, Mr. Mason Media Immersion Mr. Simpson: Well what can I say? It's been great teaching all of you. (Emma raises her hand) Emma? Emma: We're gonna miss you too, Mr. Simpson. So, look at the screen. (Everyone crowds around) See the present icon? Click it. (When he does, we hear kids shout "Thank you Mr. Simpson" and the grade 7's heads pop up, saying great things about him) Mr. Simpson: This is incredible. Ms. Kwan's Class Ms. Kwan: This one needs no explanation. The student of all students. Drumroll please. (Jimmy does one on the desk) Ashley Kerwin. (Ashley gets up to get it) Ashley: Thanks, Ms. Kwan. Ms. Kwan: (Hugs Ashley) I'm gonna miss you. (Ashley sits back down) Ashley: Student of all students? That is so lame. Terri: I think it's sweet. (Paige sticks out her tongue, puts her finger in her mouth pretending to gag, to Hazel) Ms. Kwan: This next award is for Dave, because he puts the capital G in good student. Media Immersion Mr. Simpson is looking at what they gave him, very happy, when the bell rings. Mr. Simpson: Ok, go. Go clean out your lockers and have a great safe vacation. Liberty: Bye Mr. Simpson. Mr. Simpson: Adios. Kid: Ciao, Mr. Simpson. Mr. Simpson: Bye-bye. Hall Ashley, Paige and Terri are cleaning out their lockers. Paige: Wow, the Kerwin/Issacs prison. What's Jimmy gonna say when he finds out? Jimmy: Finds out what? (Kind of spins Ashley around) Ashley: That I can only have one friend over tonight. Paige: And she invited Terri. Not you or me. Jimmy: Oh, ok. Ashley: I thought you'd be upset. Jimmy: (With his hand in Ashley's hair) Rules are rules, right? We'll do something tomorrow. Jimmy leaves. Ashley: Ok, am I missing something here? Paige: No, just the chance to hang out w/ me + have way too much fun. Ashley: Paige, if you really want to come over, whatever. (She leaves. Paige shrugs and goes back to cleaning her locker) Hall JT: So girls, what are your plans for this very momentous eve? Emma: Girls' night at my place. Meaning no boys allowed especially boys named Sean. (He walks by as she said that) Hall (Toby and JT are being a trash can to their lockers to clean them out) Toby: Maybe she's learned that bad boys only lead to heartache. JT: And now she's looking for a good boy? One named Toby? Not likely. What you need is a new approach. (Sean walks by) Sean's approach. Hey Sean! Toby here is having the boys over tonight. To play some cards, talk girls, guy stuff. Wanna come? Sean: No. (He starts to walk away) JT: You know Emma's gonna be there. Sean: (As he turns around + stops walking) Emma? Toby: Yeah we're... JT: Having the girls over...later. Sean: Ok. (He leaves) Toby: (Pushes JT up against a locker) Are you insane? JT: After tonight's little tutoring session, Emma will be all yours. Trust me. Hall (Ashley and Terri are walking. Terri is throwing some things out as they pass trashcans) Ashley: Do you think Jimmy's reaction was weird? About tonight? Terri: No I think he was just trying to be a good boyfriend. Ashley: A good boyfriend would wanna come over no matter what. My parents are away... he should... never mind. Terri: Anyway I thought you were cooling on it. Ashley: Exactly the opposite. After you've been going out for awhile, things get deeper. Terri: Oh. Ashley: Unless he's cooling on me. Terri: I don't think that's how it is. Ashley's Paige and Hazel are outside. Ashley clears her throat to get their attention. Paige: Ok, before you go all parental on me, I forgot. Hazel and I had plans tonight. I didn't think it would be a problem. Ashley: No, it's fine. There is loud noise heard and Toby and JT come outside, all dirty from whatever it was. They are coughing. Toby wants to go back inside but JT stops him. Toby: Ash. Ashley: Ok, I know Mom + Jeff said only one friend each... JT: But nothing Ashley. It's our pleasure to share this fine evening with such lovely young ladies. (Before going inside, he winks at Paige) Paige: Did that... THING... just wink at me? Everyone laughs. Inside Ashley They are watching a scary movie wearing 3-D glasses. Hazel screams and covers her eyes when something happens. Terri: Guys I can't handle this. Paige: Do you really think the star's gonna die? Ashley: Paige, you're ruining the movie. There is a knock at the door. Paige: I didn't invite anyone else honest. Sean comes in. They all look. Ashley: Sean? What are you doing here? Sean: Toby invited me. Ashley: Toby? Little scammer. They're upstairs. (He leaves) Ok, Toby's hanging out with Sean? That's weird. Paige: Has Sean become such a total babe since that fight or what? (They laugh then all scream because of the movie) Toby's Room Toby, JT, and Sean are playing cards. JT: So Sean girls. Care to share your expertise? Sean: Wh-what? JT: You know on how you score like Sundien. Sean: I don't. JT: Come on. Girls like drool over you. Sean: I don't know. I just act like myself, I guess. Why? Who do you like? Toby: So guys we gonna play or what? Sean: Emma knows I'm here, right? JT: Yup. Sean: And she's fine with this? JT: Of course. Even more fine is this. I brought us a little party favor boys. (He takes out of a bag a drug) Toby: Aspirin. Sean: Ecstasy. Toby: E? JT, what'd... JT: Ecstasy is the love drug, right? There's a whole room of girls down there needing some love. Sean: I don't know man. This stuff's pretty intense. JT: Better be, I paid my cousin 2 weeks allowance for it. Let's split it. Sean: Ok give me the pill. (JT hands it to Sean) I'll do it. (He leaves the room) JT: What? Toby: Not a good idea. Kitchen Ashley is preparing food and drinks for her and her friends when Sean comes in. Ashley: Hey Sean. Having fun upstairs? Sean: A little too much fun. (Throws her E) Ashley: Is that...? Sean you brought drugs? Sean: Not me, JT. Ashley: JT? Toby? They're way too young to be experimenting with drugs. Sean gets an aspirin and cuts it in half with a knife. Sean: Flush it down the sink. They'll never know the difference. (He leaves) Ashley looks at the E. Toby's Room JT: Toby, come on. Wanna be a bad boy? Start acting like one. Sean: (Opens food) Bad boy? Toby: Ignore him. (Takes the aspirin) Let's just do it. JT: Sure you don't wanna join us? Sean: Yeah my social worker would kill me. JT: Ok. (Eats it) Sean: Hey wait. Chew it slowly. Gives you a better high. Kitchen Ashley picks up the E and sticks it in her apron. She picks up the food when Paige comes in the kitchen. Paige: Terri's slipping in video numero two. Sorry, but uh, this get together, is getting seriously lame. Ashley: Ok then. What do you wanna do? Paige: Invite Jimmy over. Just stop being boring and break a rule for once. Ashley: I already did. Paige: Then invite him again. Hun, you just need to live a little. 'Cause you're pretty cool when you do honest. (She leaves) Ashley sets the food down and calls Jimmy. Ashley: Jimmy come over. We'll have fun, together. (Takes the E out of her apron as she talks. After she hangs up with Jimmy, she takes the E and gags from the taste after she swallows it) Toby's Room [SCENE_BREAK] JT: Toby, I'm floating, on a fluffy white cloud. Toby: Right. JT: Can't you feel it? How can you not feel it? Toby: I'm starting to, I think. JT puts his hands on the lava lamp and makes buzzing sounds. Sean watches it and can't believe what JT is doing) Toby: Dude, this is incredible. JT: Dude, this ecstasy. I'm feeling the love. It's time to call. Sean: Emma? (Gives JT the phone) JT: (Has the phone upside down, but flips it and then dials) Girls say hello to your destiny. Downstairs Ashley enters and steps on Hazel's hands. Hazel: OW! Ash, my hand. Ashley: Sorry. (She lays down. She watches the movie and screams really loud) Paige: Ok now I'm officially deaf. Ashley: Oh that was so scary. I bet you they heard my scream al the way in China. (They look at her weird as she laughs and then screams again) Outside Ashley's Emma, Liberty, and Manny are outside. Manny: Guys, this is gonna be great. A real party. But if my dad finds out I'm here, I'm gonna be grounded until my wedding day. Ashley comes out. Ashley: Hey you're not Jimmy and Spinner. Unless they had a s*x change. (She laughs) Liberty I didn't invite you. How did you know? Was I sending out psychic vibrations? Emma: Uh, no. JT and Toby called. Ashley: (Laughs) Yeah, one in inviting too many people. Liberty, I've wanted to tell you this for like forever. But I get you. You're like me only sorta not, you know? Liberty: Uh... Inside Ashley's Ashley: You guys look who's here: Liberty. (Ashley shuts off the movie and turns on music) Terri: Ash... When she turns on music she starts dancing with Liberty. Ashley: Get down Liberty! (She laughs as she takes off her apron and whirls it around) Terri: Ash wanted to have fun tonight. I guess she's having fun. As she dances, Ashley breaks a vase. Paige starts to laugh, but stops. Toby's Room JT is spinning around on a pole when there is a knock at the door. JT opens it. Emma: Hello. (JT moves his tongue around) Toby? JT: Welcome to the Issacs Zone of Invanite Love and Harmony. Sit. Manny: Thanks, uh, for inviting us. Toby sits next to Emma. JT: (Puts his hands as if he's praying) Shalom. Downstairs Jimmy and Spinner and some friends come in. Spinner has a watermelon. Jimmy: Hey. What's going on? Ashley: (Putting her hands in the air) Hey! Spinner: This is my kind of party. Ashley: Jimmy you're here, finally. Jimmy: When did you decide to have a party? I thought your parents... Ashley: Isn't this just incredible? (Hugs him) Jimmy: Ash you're burning up. Ashley: Oh I know. So hot in here. Jimmy: Have you been drinking? Ashley: No. (Near his ear) A...B...C...D...E. Jimmy: Ecstasy? Where'd you get ecstasy? Ashley: Toby, JT. One of them. Jimmy: do you know how stupid that is? Ashley: Stop being so melodramatic. I'm having fun you can too. Jimmy: You need to drink water and lots of it. (Grabs her hand but she lets go) I can't believe you could take E. Ashley: Ok calm down Dad. Paige is right loosen up a little bit. Paige: (Whispers) Ecstasy? Jimmy: Ash what...? Ashley: I'm going upstairs to the bathroom. I'll drink some water from the toilet. (She laughs as she leaves the room. When she leaves everyone laughs except Jimmy) Toby's Room Sean enters. Sean: Emma. Emma leaves. Sean: Emma. Emma. Emma: Sean, just leave me alone. If I knew you were gonna be here I would've stayed home. Manny: I'll go find Liberty. (She goes downstairs) Sean: Emma, can we talk, please? Emma: There's nothing to talk about. Sean: Emma you're not being fair. Emma: Sean you went too far. We're over, as in finished. (She goes downstairs) Ashley comes out the bathroom. Ashley: Sean. Are you ok? (He looks at her and he is crying) You need to talk to someone. Come on. (They go into a room) Sean: This is so stupid. Ashley: I know what you're going through. Sean: How? Ashley: Ok, everyone thinks you're bad, right? Well everyone thinks I'm this perfect boring girl. (They sit down) Sean: I just thought Emma was so different. Ashley: Why? She's just like Jimmy. She only sees... Sean: What she wants to see. Ashley: Exactly! Sean, don't cry. Don't cry. (She looks at his face and then she kisses him. After she kisses him, they kiss again, laying themselves down on her bed) Downstairs Everyone else is hanging out having fun. Toby comes downstairs Toby: Hey Jimmy, have you seen Emma? Jimmy: There you are, Mr. Drug Dealer. Toby: What? Jimmy: Don't you know that E leads to harder things, like my fist? Toby: What do you care if I did E? Jimmy: 'Cause you didn't. Ashley did. And she said she got it from you. Toby: Sean switched it. Jimmy: Sean? Sean's here? Toby: Yeah, he's upstairs. Jimmy runs upstairs. While she drinks, Paige watches. Upstairs. Jimmy goes in a room but doesn't find Sean. Sean comes out of another room. Jimmy: Sean...what...? As Sean goes downstairs, Ashley comes out of the same room Sean did. Ashley: Jimmy, oh. (Jimmy looks at how her hair and clothes are messed up and goes downstairs so she follows him) Outside Toby: Emma? (He sees her sitting) There you are. Look, it was stupid of me to invite Sean. And I want you to know the only reason I did is because... (Sean comes outside and leaves. When Emma sees him, she looks sad. When Sean looks back, he sees Emma hug Toby) Inside Ashley's JT: 1...2...3... (He jumps and they catch him) Jimmy: Where's Sean? Ashley: Jimmy stop. Jimmy: Where's Sean, Spinner? Spinner: He left, like 2 minutes ago. Jimmy starts to leave but Ashley stops him. Ashley: Jimmy stop. Ok, I know you're upset, but what just happened was the most intense experience of my life. It was like this telescope and I saw me, the real me. Jimmy: Look, you don't know what you're saying. Ashley: What? Jimmy: it's not you, it's the drugs. Ashley: Oh yeah keep going Dad. Keep telling me who I am. Jimmy: Ash look... Ashley: No, this is exactly why me and Sean just...he gets me, you... Terri: Ash, stop. Ashley: Ter, I love your shirt. It's so shiny, like stars. Jimmy: I'm outta here. Ashley: What I should have done is broken up with you on your birthday like I was going to. Paige: Ash would you stop being such a hag already? Ashley: Paige you are a hag. On two fronts: your looks and your personality. (She laughs) Paige gets a mean look on her face and leaves. Ashley: Jimmy, just you don't have what Sean has and you never will. You're just not enough for me, sorry. Oh now you're upset, don't be, it's ok, it is, it's all good, it is. (As she talks she goes up to him but he pushes her away and then leaves and then everyone else does) Spinner: Nice Ash. Ashley: Guy, where are you going? Come on it's a party. Come on. Where's everyone going? Come on guys. Guys. (She dances and laughs) Come on. Downstairs - The next day Terri and Toby are cleaning when Ashley comes in the room in a bathrobe. Ashley: Hey. When did that break? Toby: While you were dancing with Liberty. When you were strung out on E. What were you thinking Ash? Ashley: What was I thinking? What were you and JT doing with it in the first place? Terri: Guys, it doesn't matter. Ashley: Was I really that bad? (They don't answer) What if I just call Jimmy? Terri: Ash, Paige won't talk to you. Do you really think Jimmy will? Ashley: I'm such an idiot. How am I ever gonna face everyone again? (There is a knock at the door. Ashley runs to the door) Jimmy? (Someone comes in and it's Spinner with a box) Spinner: here Jimmy doesn't want this stuff anymore. Ashley: Spinner how is he? Spinner: Just take it and don't call him. (He leaves) Ashley closes the door. Terri: Ash? Toby: Ok, somebody get this place cleaned up. (He goes in the other room) Ashley falls on the floor Toby: They'll be home soon. I mean come on... Ashley is crying with Terri next to her. Toby: Ash? You ok? (He goes back to where Ashley and Terri are and he goes next to her and hugs her)

Plan: A: Ashley; Q: Who is tired of being a perfectionist? A: J.T.; Q: Who brings an ecstasy pill to the party? A: Sean; Q: Who wants to make up with Emma? Summary: Ashley is tired of being a perfectionist and turns her end-of-the-year slumber party into an out-of-control rager. Meanwhile, J.T. brings an ecstasy pill for Toby, Sean, and himself, but when Ashley consumes it, things go from bad to worse. Also, Sean wants to make up with Emma, but Emma is still angry at Sean for his actions in the previous episode.

[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- NIGHT] [EXT. ANDERSON RESIDENCE - NIGHT] WHITE FLASH TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ANDERSON HOUSE - NIGHT] (Camera starts on the bottom of the first floor at the base of the stairway, then slowly moves upward toward the second floor.) (White flash to: On the second floor, the camera travels slowly down the hallway toward the bedrooms. It rounds the cover into the master bedroom where the ANDERSONS are sleeping.) (Suddenly GWEN ANDERSON gets up. She looks out the doorway into her son's room. She gets out of bed and walks down the hallway to the nursery.) (All the windows are open. There's a ladder set against the window frame. The wind blows the curtains.) (GWEN ANDERSON walks up to the crib and looks inside. She finds nothing. She touches the baby sheets with both hands as if not believing her eyes. She frantically searches the tiny crib, removing the sheets where she finds a sheet of paper.) (She picks it up and gasps as she reads it. The paper slips from her fingers back into the crib.) (She walks over to the open window, looks out side and screams.) Gwen Anderson: No! (The camera pulls back downward to show the ladder leaning against the window frame.) (STEVEN ANDERSON rushes into the nursery. He looks at his wife, then turns to look down into the crib where he finds the typewritten note. He picks it up.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ANDERSON RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (OFFICER cars are parked in the driveway. GRISSOM walks up the drive and checks in with the OFFICER at the door before walking inside. He sees The ANDERSONS in the foyer.) Grissom: Excuse me. My name's Gil Grissom. I'm with the Las Vegas Crime Lab. Gwen Anderson: Please help us. Grissom: I'll certainly try. (He puts his kit down on the ground.) Grissom: Is that the ransom note? Steve Anderson: Yeah. They don't even say how much money they want. They just say that they'll call us in six hours. (STEVEN hands GRISSOM the note.) Grissom: Have you let anyone else touch this note? (GRISSOM reads the note: I have your son. I don't want to harm him. Don't make me. I'll call in six hours with instructions. I advise you not to call the police. ) Grissom: Police, a relative, anyone? Steve Anderson: N-no, just us. Why? Grissom: Well, because the person who touched it before you has your son ... and he's just left us the first piece of the puzzle. HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER. ROLL TITLE CREDITS. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ANDERSON HOUSE - MORNING] (CATHERINE closes the car door and makes her way toward the house. She meets up with BRASS who fills her in.) Catherine: Jim, dispatch said this is a kidnapping? Divorce situation? Brass: No papers filed. College sweethearts. Neighbors say they're the salt of the earth. Catherine: So this could have been legitimate? BRASS They have a security system. But they never put it on. Catherine: They say how come? Brass: They feel safe in the neighborhood. Catherine: Check the premises? Brass: Attic, wine cellar, crawl space. No four-month-old baby. (They turn and head toward the house.) Catherine: Nice digs. Brass: Yeah, guy got rich off some dot-com outfit. Moved here from Oregon two years ago. Catherine: Bet they wished they hadn't today. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ANDERSON HOUSE - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (In the kitchen, the FBI fills STEVE ANDERSON in on what he's to do when he gets the ransom call.) Steve Anderson: Are you sure he won't hear a click or something? FBI Man: He won't. And if he asks, you and your wife are alone. Question him about your son. Ask to hear him breathing. Anything to keep the guy talking. Understood? (GRISSOM walks into the kitchen and listens. He looks around the place.) Steve Anderson: I don't know. (nods) Yeah, yeah. (GRISSOM sees an open bottle of soda out on the counter.) Steve Anderson: Okay. Built my own business. I can handle any kind of pressure. (GRISSOM walks over to the bottle.) Grissom: Was this yours? Steve Anderson: Yeah. Grissom: May I ask when you opened it? Steve Anderson: I don't know. Um, sometime after we called 911. (STEVE turns back to the FBI MAN. GRISSOM looks at the bottle, then calls his attention back.) Grissom: You mind if I, uh...? Steve Anderson: No. Go ahead. (GRISSOM picks up the bottle and puts his gloved hand over the mouth of the bottle. He looks around. He walks over to the temperature gauge and checks it.) (STEVE ANDERSON watches GRISSOM.) Grissom: You have any more of these? Steve Anderson: In the fridge. Grissom: Thanks. (With his hand over the bottle, GRISSOM leaves the kitchen.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ANDERSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (BRASS questions GWEN ANDERSON and her two sons who sit close to each other on the couch. TYLER, the older son, holds on to ROBBIE, who is quietly playing with a phone.) Gwen Anderson: Do my boys have to be here? I think this is hard enough for them without having to hear the facts. Brass: I understand, but it's best for our investigation if we keep the whole family together. Tyler Anderson: (quietly) It's okay, mom. Brass: You were saying, Mrs. Anderson? Gwen Anderson: Um ... I got up at 4:30, like I usually do to feed Zack. I'm still breast-feeding. And I went down to Zacky's room. I looked in his crib and he was gone. He wasn't there. (STEVE walks into the room and takes a seat next to GWEN. GRISSOM follows into the room behind him.) Gwen Anderson: And I felt around for him and that's when I found the letter saying that he had been taken and I ... I don't know. I-I think I screamed ... Tyler Anderson: You screamed, mom. Steve Anderson: I jumped out of bed and I went to her, and that's when we called 9-1-1 from the upstairs hallway. (ROBBIE pressing the buttons of the phone he's holding.) Robbie Anderson: Nine-1-1-1. Tyler Anderson: Give me the phone, Robbie. Give me the phone. Grissom: We're going to need a piece of the baby's clothing. Something from his hamper, if possible. We're going to use scent dogs throughout the neighborhood. Steve Anderson: I'll go see what I can find. Gwen Anderson: No, I know what he wears. (GWEN ANDERSON stands up.) Catherine: I'll go with you. (CATHERINE also stands up. They leave the room.) Grissom: I'd also like to get blood samples from each family member. Steve Anderson: Why? Grissom: Well, the sooner we can eliminate the expected hairs and fibers from within the household, we can begin looking for outsiders. Tyler Anderson: Is it going to hurt? Grissom: I hope not. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ANDERSON HOUSE - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (OFFICERS open the back of the car to let the scent dogs out. SARA is near by putting on a pair of gloves. The OFFICERS with the dogs head toward the house. GRISSOM walks out of the house. He's carrying the ransom note and two bottles of soda pop.) Grissom: Sara. Sara: Yeah? Grissom: Take this ransom note to Q.D. (GRISSOM hands the note to SARA.) Sara: Typewritten ransom note? Kidnapper was organized. Grissom: I think it's ink-jet not typewriter. Sara: I'll get it to questioned documents check for origination prints, the works. Grissom: Take every computer and printer from the Anderson house with you. Sara: You think the suspect printed the ransom note from inside the house while they were sleeping? Grissom: I'm not thinking anything yet. (GRISSOM takes the two soda bottles and heads for NICK.) Grissom: Nick. Nick: (turns around) Yo. (sees the soda bottles) No, thanks, I'm an iced tea man. Grissom: It's not a refreshment. It's an experiment. Take this to the lab in a controlled space, 72 degrees Fahrenheit and open it. Keep this in the same room-temp space. Nick: Okay, then what? Grissom: Process, Nick. Process. (GRISSOM gives the bottles to NICK, then walks past him toward WARRICK.) Grissom: Baby's bedroom window is open and the ladder's still out there. So canvass the whole grounds from outside to in. Warrick: I'm all over it like a cheap suit. (WARRICK leaves to head over there. GRISSOM turns around and heads back to the house.) Officer: (o.s.) Hey, Grissom! We have the smell dogs set up for you. (He nods.) (Cut to: WARRICK is near the ladder under the Nursery with a camera in his hand. He finds a shoe print in the dirt. He snaps a picture of it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ANDERSON HOUSE - BABY ZACK'S ROOM - DAY] (GRISSOM takes his kit and walks into the nursery. He looks into crib and puts his kit down. He leans over to look into the crib.) Warrick: You see this spiderweb? (GRISSOM starts.) Grissom: Damn, Warrick! (WARRICK is on the ladder outside the nursery window and apologizes.) Warrick: I'm sorry. Your ticker okay? Grissom: What spiderweb? Warrick: Right here. (They push the curtain aside to show GRISSOM the spiderweb in the corner of the window frame.) Warrick: Kind of hard to get a baby out of a window climb onto a ladder without messing up this web, don't you think? Grissom: Well, it could have happened after the abduction. Spiders can build one of these things in a few hours. (WARRICK takes a picture of the spiderweb. GRISSOM turns to head back to the crib. WARRICK steps up the ladder intending to climb through the window. GRISSOM looks up and sees WARRICK.) Grissom: Warrick? What are you doing? (He motions with his finger.) Go around. (WARRICK heads back down the ladder.) (GRISSOM checks the crib out and finds a strand of hair. Camera zooms in for an extreme close up.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ANDERSON HOUSE - LAUNDRY ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (CATHERINE and GWEN ANDERSON walk into the laundry room. GWEN starts going through the laundry basket.) Catherine: Oh, you're right on the golf course. That must be nice. Gwen Anderson: Steve likes it. I never cared for the game. (GWEN finds a jumper and pulls it out of the basket. She sighs.) Gwen Anderson: That one's my favorite but Zacky, he, uh ... he liked another one. Here it is. (She takes it out and shows it to CATHERINE. She chuckles.) Gwen Anderson: There's a little spit-up on it. He liked the way the fabric felt on his skin. (She puts the outfit to her face and inhales. She stops, then looks down at her shirt to see her milk leaking.) Gwen Anderson: Oh, god. Catherine: It's okay. It used to happen to me with my daughter if I didn't get to her right on time. (GWEN tries to wipe up the mess as she cries.) Gwen Anderson: I can't believe this is happening to us. (CATHERINE puts a supporting hand on her shoulder.) Catherine: I'll get this to our guys. (CATHERINE leaves the laundry room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ANDERSON HOUSE - NURSERY - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (GRISSOM finds another strand of hair in the crib. He puts it in a bindle.) (WARRICK walks into the room.) Warrick: What you got? Grissom: Two hairs, separate and distinctive. (GRISSOM hands the bindles to WARRICK.) Warrick: Ah. The plot thickens. (GRISSOM walks around the room. He notices something.) Grissom: You smell something? (WARRICK smells and sees something.) Warrick: I smell these dirty diapers over here. (GRISSOM kneels down in front of the window.) Grissom: It's like a household cleanser. There's a pine smell. Warrick: Probably used to clean that diaper pail. Grissom: No, it's stronger than that. (GRISSOM puts his nose to the carpet.) Grissom: It's emanating from this specific spot. (GRISSOM opens his kit and tests for blood. It shows positive.) Warrick: Baby was killed before it even left the house. Guy tried to cover his tracks. (GRISSOM and WARRICK both look at the open window.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - QUESTIONED DOCUMENTS LAB - DAY] (SARA leans over the table, arguing with RONNIE LITRE.) Sara: What do you mean you haven't checked for prints? It's a ransom letter. Ronnie Litre: Everything in the proper order. You know that. I got five other tests I got to run on this paper before I try to isolate prints. Sara: You got anything for me? Ronnie Litre: Yeah. The paper's expensive. High rag count. Sara: I could have told you that. Ronnie Litre: Can you explain these three small vertical dots? (On the overhead, he shows SARA what he's talking about.) Sara: What? Where? Ronnie Litre: The printer that emitted this letter has a spot on the drum. Sara: A drum goes around three times to print one page. (Quick flash to: Close up of the drum of a printer turning as the paper goes through leaving behind three small dots on the sheet.) Sara: So if the Andersons' printer was used ... Ronnie Litre: There'd be three small dots on any paper that comes out. Sara: No vertical dots. Ronnie Litre: And different paper than the ransom letter F.Y.I. (SARA makes a face at RONNIE.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ANDERSON HOUSE - BACKYARD - DAY] (GRISSOM and WARRICK stand outside the nursery window.) Warrick: Yeah, this mold I made of that shoe print matches the gardener's boot that I found in the shed over there. Grissom: Yeah, well, we need to look for what's out of place. Warrick: And a gardener's boot in a garden is not out of place. Well, the Andersons did say the guy's been out of town on vacation for the last three days. (GRISSOM'S phone rings. He answers it.) Grissom: (to phone) Grissom. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] (SARA walks through the hallway.) Sara: Ransom note's not from the Anderson's printer or paper supply. Grissom: You're breaking up. Sara: The Andersons are clear. Whoever wrote the letter did it from a different location and brought it with them. Grissom: Are you standing next to the copy machine outside ballistics? Sara: You want me to check ballistics? Grissom: No. I want you to move away from that machine. Look, check all the printers at Steve Anderson's company. (In the background out on the golf course, the dogs bark loudly. WARRICK looks up at the commotion.) Grissom: (to phone) Get Q.D. To help you with a warrant. Target all immediate coworkers and disgruntled employees first. (WARRICK motions for GRISSOM to follow him as he heads toward the sound of the dogs. GRISSOM puts the phone down, his attention on the dogs.) (Even SARA can hear the dogs barking over the phone.) Sara: Are those our dogs? Grissom? Grissom! (GRISSOM and WARRICK start running toward the commotion. GRISSOM tucks the phone into his pocket.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. GOLF COURSE - CONTINUOUS] (Out on the golf course, the dogs bark frantically. They lead the OFFICERS to a cluster of bushes under the tree. WARRICK and GRISSOM run to the bushes.) Warrick: Get those dogs back. Get them back! (WARRICK and GRISSOM find the baby dead in the center of the bushes, his body wrapped carefully in a blanket. The officers also reach the site.) (The TECH takes a step forward to start taking picture of the scene. GRISSOM stops him.) Grissom: Stand back. CSI Tech: We got to have pictures. The coroner will be all over us. Grissom: (angry) I'll get the pictures! (GRISSOM grabs the camera and takes the pictures ... of his foot, of his face. He kneels down and takes more pictures.) (WARRICK starts to put on his gloves. Finished, he hands the camera back to the CSI TECH. The CORONER steps forward to take the body. GRISSOM immediately stops him.) Grissom: I'm going to take him. (Everyone doesn't say anything.) [CAMERA IN SLOW MOTION] (Over the hill, CATHERINE runs toward the scene. Behind her are GWEN and STEVE ANDERSON.) (Cut to: GRISSOM picks up the baby.) Gwen Anderson: (o.s.) My baby! Oh, my god! (CATHERINE turns around and stops GWEN ANDERSON from running toward the scene.) (With the baby in his arms, GRISSOM takes a couple steps forward. He looks up and sees GWEN ANDERSON beside herself while CATHERINE and STEVE try to calm her down.) Gwen Anderson: It's my baby! My baby! My baby! (Camera holds on GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (WARRICK takes the sample of hair from the nursery and checks it under the scope. While he works, he listens to the news report on the television set.) Paula Francis: (on television set) The Andersons, who own a profitable internet company in Las Vegas, are said to be devastated by the death of little Zachary. As for leads, the police will only say they have widened the investigation to include employees of Steve Anderson's company. Immediate coworkers are being asked to give DNA samples. By all accounts, the employees are complying voluntarily. One of them is quoted as saying "anything to help Mr. and Mrs. Anderson in their time of grief." [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (DR. ROBBINS goes over his findings with GRISSOM.) Dr. Albert Robbins: I can't give you exact time of death, but I do know cause of death was asphyxiation. Grissom: He was smothered. Dr. Albert Robbins: (nods) The retinal hemorrhages are the result of intercranial pressure from an edema. The edema was caused by an acute lack of oxygen. Grissom: Smothered how? Did you find hand marks? Trauma around the mouth or nose? Dr. Albert Robbins: No. Grissom: He was in a blanket when I found him ... wrapped pretty tight. Dr. Albert Robbins: Positional asphyxiation? Maybe. Abductor might've tried to protect him from the cold. Suffocated him by mistake. I'm going to run tests on a microscopic fiber I found in his throat. (DR. ROBBINS picks up a fiber from the side to show to GRISSOM. Camera zooms in for a close up.) Dr. Albert Robbins: But I don't think his death was benign, Gil. Or accidental. Sternum was cracked. X rays say the fracture is fresh. Manhandled and suffocated. This little guy didn't have a chance. (ROBBINS turns to look at GRISSOM after he doesn't get a response from him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (GRISSOM walks rapidly through the hallway. He sees SARA with a tech helping her carry the prints into the lab.) Grissom: Are those from Anderson's company? Sara: Yeah. There's like 200 of them in that place. I'm going to test them against the ransom note, one by one. Grissom: You got homicide's list of disgruntled employees? Sara: Not yet. They're still working on it. Grissom: (angry) You call homicide back and tell them to get us that list now. (GRISSOM turns and continues down the hallway leaving a stunned SARA behind. He sees WARRICK walking by with a file folder in his hand.) Grissom: Hey. (WARRICK stops to talk with GRISSOM.) Warrick: Hey. Grissom: Where are we on those DNA samples? Warrick: I got the hair samples from the baby's crib ready for comparison. Grissom: Yeah? So answer my question. Warrick: Well, DNA's jammed. Sanders says he'll get to the blood comparisons ... (GRISSOM heads for the DNA LAB leaving WARRICK mid sentence.) Warrick: ... as soon as ... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (GREG is in the quiet lab sitting at the table working.) Grissom: I hear you're backlogged. Greg Sanders: Twenty "unknowns" from some drug shoot-out. FBI special request. Sheriff told me to clear it off my counter before I do anything else. Grissom: These? Greg Sanders: Yeah. You can almost smell Quantico, you know? (GRISSOM grabs the paperwork in front of GREG and puts it aside on the cart with all the samples on it. He then pushes the car out the door and into the hallway where it stops when it hits the wall.) (Everyone stops as they see the cart.) (NICK steps out into the hallway to see what's up.) Grissom: (to GREG) There. Now they're off your counter. (GREG doesn't say anything. He nods. GRISSOM takes out a file folder and the samples.) Grissom: Zachary Anderson, DOB 01-23-01. Date of death, three hours ago. Until we find out how and why ... (GRISSOM puts the tray full of blood samples from the ANDERSON case in front of GREG.) Grissom: ... this is the only case you work on. Greg Sanders: Yes, sir. (GRISSOM steps out of the lab. In the Hallway, NICK and SARA watch.) Nick: Never seen him like this before. (NICK heads in one direction. Concerned, SARA heads to go find GRISSOM.) (She turns the corner and sees him walking through the hallway.) Sara: Grissom? (He turns around, still angry.) Grissom: What? (SARA walks right up to him and talks softly.) Sara: You told me a few weeks ago that nothing is personal. No victim should be special. (GRISSOM stops as he definitely remembers telling SARA that back in 1X16: Too Tough to Die. SARA pauses.) Sara: Everyone follows your lead. Grissom: Everyone didn't find that baby. I did. And that little boy is dead because someone lost their temper or screwed up, or god knows what. So, excuse me, but this victim is special. (GRISSOM turns to leave and finds himself facing CATHERINE.) Catherine: (quietly) Mr. and Mrs. Anderson are calling. They want to know why you refuse to release the body for burial. They said that you gave the coroner strict instructions. (He sighs.) Grissom: You better drive. (GRISSOM leaves.) Catherine: Sure. (CATHERINE looks up at SARA. The two share a look. She then turns to follow GRISSOM. Camera holds on SARA.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ANDERSON HOUSE - DAY] (GRISSOM and CATHERINE explain the situation to The ANDERSONS.) Grissom: I'm very sorry, but we have to preserve the evidence in a case like this. And, as difficult as this sounds, Zachary is evidence. Catherine: We need to refer to him as the case unfolds. Gwen Anderson: Well, do you have any leads? Any idea who did this? Grissom: Your child was found five hundred yards from your back door, in clean clothes wrapped in a white blanket, laid carefully under a statuary. Catherine: A stranger wouldn't treat a victim like that. Steve Anderson: You think we had something to do with this? Grissom: The FBI tells us that you never received a call from the abductor. What kind of a kidnapper forgets to call the family? Catherine: A wealthy family. Steve Anderson: My lawyer warned me that you were going to try this. (angrily shouts) You don't have a suspect so now you're going to come after us. Grissom: But you have nothing to hide. Steve Anderson: (yells) You're damn right we don't! (There's a light knock on the door. WARRICK walks into the house carrying an envelope.) Warrick: I thought I'd deliver this in person. DNA came back on the entire family. (GRISSOM looks at the results.) Grissom: The blood we found in the baby's room ... It belongs to your son Tyler. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (GRISSOM and CATHERINE interview TYLER ANDERSON with his parents sitting beside him.) Tyler Anderson: I was playing ball in the backyard and I cracked Zacky's window. Dad had told me not to hit the ball towards the house. So I went up and replaced the window before anyone got home and I cut my finger on the glass. Grissom: And you wiped up the blood with some type of pine cleanser. Tyler Anderson: I thought I got it all. Grissom: Let's go back a second, Tyler. You said that you baby-sat for Robbie and Zack last night, right? Tyler Anderson: I told the police that this morning. (BRASS walks into the room and closes the door.) Steve Anderson: We had a homeowner's association vote meeting. It was just five doors up from our house. Gwen Anderson: I had, uh ... I had made dinner and then Steve and I walked up to the clubhouse. We were gone maybe 30 minutes, until 9:00. Brass: We contacted the Association. The story checks out. I also did a background search. Tyler has quite a temper on him, don't you, Ty? Tyler Anderson: What? Brass: You were expelled from school twice last year for physical altercation. Steve Anderson: That was schoolyard stuff. Catherine: Beat up a 12-year-old in the school stairwell. Tyler Anderson: He made fun of my mother. I wasn't going to let him get away with that. Brass: Your brother Zack say something you didn't like you weren't going to let him get away with either? (TYLER surges to his feet.) Tyler Anderson: (shouts angrily) Don't talk about my brother that way, you b*st*rd! (STEVE gets to his feet.) Steve Anderson: Sit down! Now. Gwen Anderson: He's, uh ... he's upset. He is not usually like this. Tyler Anderson: (whispers) People are calling us killers. And I miss my little brother. Grissom: That still doesn't mean you didn't kill him. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ANDERSON HOUSE - DAY] (The front door opens. CATHERINE and GRISSOM walk into the foyer.) Catherine: So what are we looking for? Grissom: I don't know. Catherine: Well, let's start up and work our way down. (CATHERINE heads up the stairs. GRISSOM follows her. (Cut to: [TYLER'S BEDROOM] CATHERINE looks through the shelves. She finishes and looks around.) (Cut to: [MASTER BEDROOM] GRISSOM opens the closet door and looks inside.) (Cut to: [TYLER'S BEDROOM] CATHERINE checks the bedside table and under the bed where she finds several magazines for PLAYPEN, BOUDOIR.) (Cut to: [MASTER BEDROOM] GRISSOM finds a pair of stockings on the shelf in STEVE'S closet. The stockings has green stains on them.) (Cut to: CATHERINE opens the cabinet doors and looks inside. She finds an empty plastic storage wrapper for a white Baby Blanket, 100% Egyptian Cotton. Made in the U.S.A.) (Cut to: [KITCHEN] GRISSOM opens the various cabinets. He looks and finds a roll of white plastic trash bags. He looks at the ripped edges. Camera zooms in for a close up of the edges. He reaches for a bag to put the roll into.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (NICK explains his experiment findings to GRISSOM.) Nick: Here's the father's bottle of cola -- here's the unknown. I duplicated conditions and monitored the pressure that escaped from the father's bottle which he told you had been open two hours against one I know was open two hours. Kept this log. Pressure released every quarter hour. (GRISSOM looks at NICK'S notes.) Grissom: Good, Nick. (NICK nods.) Grissom: Did you find any ethanol on the lip of that bottle? Nick: Well, I've got trace running tests now, but I did an unscientific whiff test. (NICK passes the bottle under his nose to illustrate.) Nick: Picked up a hint of some kind of booze. Grissom: Call me when you get the results. (GRISSOM hands NICK the bag with the nylons inside.) Grissom: See if they can find out what this green substance is on these nylons I found in Mr. Anderson's closet. Nick: I'll take a swatch, get it back to you ASAP. (GRISSOM leaves the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (GRISSOM is looking at the prints under the magnifying glass. He's in the lab with SARA.) Grissom: The mother's prints ... the father's prints ... and a set of unknowns. Sara: They're not unknown. (Surprised, GRISSOM turns to look at SARA.) Sara: I ran them against the employees of Steve Anderson's computer company disgruntled and otherwise. They belong to a Needra Fenway. Grissom: And who is Needra Fenway? Sara: Steve's secretary. (SARA turns around and points to the printer on the counter behind them.) Sara: So, of course, I checked out her printer. As I'm sure you know, all printers have their own unique signature. (She shows GRISSOM the marks on the paper.) Sara: These three ... tiny vertical dots from Needra's printer match the ransom note perfectly. (GRISSOM turns to look at SARA who smiles. She looks at GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (GRISSOM sits down across from NEEDRA FENWAY. She pulls the coffee cup closer to her.) Needra Fenway: Thank you. Grissom: Thank you for coming in. Needra Fenway: Anything I can do to help. You know, it's ... it's just terrible what happened. Brass: Maybe you can explain why your printer was used to create the ransom note found in the Anderson home. Needra Fenway: What? Grissom: We have evidence that this came from your printer. (GRISSOM puts piece of paper on the table in front of her.) Needra Fenway: There are 500 people who work in that office. Anyone could have used my printer. Grissom: We also found a strand of hair. Our lab has matched it to you. Brass: From the Anderson home. Needra Fenway: I'm Steven's secretary. I go there. Grissom: Do you go upstairs? 'Cause that's where we found this particular hair. (She doesn't say anything. But CATHERINE knows.) Catherine: You two were having an affair. Needra Fenway: We ended it. Catherine: Because his wife got pregnant? Needra Fenway: I'm not going down this road. Catherine: What? A new baby screw up the office romance? Needra Fenway: It was more than just an office romance, okay? Much more. Catherine: Yeah. Well, a lot of women would understand if you went over there and ... got rid of that baby. Brass: Sure. Quickest way to end a guy's marriage. Needra Fenway: Okay, I need a lawyer. Is that it? Is that what you're saying here? (No one says anything. NEEDRA sighs, then grabs her bag. She stands up to leave. GRISSOM stops her. He takes out the bag with the nylons in it.) Grissom: Are these your nylons? I found these hidden in the back of Mr. Anderson's closet. So, did you come to him after you disposed of the baby and ask him to hide them for you? Needra Fenway: Talk to Steve. (NEEDRA walks out of the room.) Catherine: Steve asked her to get out from underneath the obligation of a newborn? Brass: Geez. Haven't these people ever heard of divorce? (GRISSOM doesn't say anything.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HOTEL - NEAR THE POOL - DAY] (GRISSOM questions STEVE ANDERSON near the side of the pool.) Steve Anderson: Needra didn't kill Zack any more than I did. Grissom: How do you explain her hair in the baby's crib? (STEVE looks across the other side of the pool where GWEN and the children are. He turns back to GRISSOM.) Steve Anderson: We broke up the day that I learned that Gwen was pregnant with Zack. I love Needra but I love my family more. Needra asked if she could see Zack after he was born to help her kind of accept the reality. So, I had her in last Saturday to watch him sleep. (Quick flashback to: In the nursery, NEEDRA stands over the crib. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Steve Anderson: Gwen had the kids at skating. Needra was out of the house in 15 minutes. You don't believe me. Grissom: You've lied to me before. Steve Anderson: About what? Grissom: You told me that you opened that cola bottle the morning you reported Zack missing. We had a test done. You opened that bottle six hours before you said you did -- the night before -- somewhere around 11:00 P.M. The lab is still testing it. I also believe that you cut it with alcohol. Steve: Rum and cola. What does that prove? Grissom: Was Needra Fenway in your house that night? Did you catch her suffocating your son? (Quick flashback to: In the nursery, NEEDRA stands over the crib smothering the baby as he cries. STEVE and GWEN both rush into the room.) Steve Anderson: What are you doing? (STEVE pulls NEEDRA off of ZACK. GWEN checks up on him.) Gwen Anderson: What have you done? (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Steve Anderson: That's not how it happened. Grissom: Well, why don't you tell me how it happened. (Across the pool, a glass shatters.) Gwen Anderson: Robbie, what did you do? Robbie Anderson: (crying) I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Gwen Anderson: All right, I heard you. (GWEN cleans up the mess.) Steve Anderson: Do we have to have this conversation right now? (A woman reporter walks up to them.) Las Vegas Post Reporter (woman): Mr. Anderson? Steve Anderson: What? Yeah? Las Vegas Post Reporter (woman): I'm from the Las Vegas Post. How do you feel about these pictures your secretary sold to the Midnight Informer this afternoon? (She hands STEVE ANDERSON some photographs of him with NEEDRA FENWAY.) Steve Anderson: Where did you get these? Las Vegas Post Reporter (woman): The tabloid's web site. Needra sold them to pay for her legal fees. (STEVE looks across the pool over at GWEN.) Las Vegas Post Reporter (woman): Mr. Anderson? Steve Anderson: (after a long moment) My only comment is that I love my wife very much. (GRISSOM puts his head down and rubs his forehead.) (The LAS VEGAS POST REPORTER walks away. She heads for GWEN ANDERSON.) Las Vegas Post Reporter (woman): Excuse me. I'm from the Las Vegas Post. Can I ask you a few questions? (She holds out the photos in front of GWEN. GWEN barely glances at it, her eyes on STEVE sitting across the pool.) Gwen: No. (The Reporter walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAKROOM - DAY] (In the breakroom, GRISSOM and CATHERINE discuss the case with DR. PHILLIP KANE.) Catherine: A wife kills her baby to get back at her husband over his affair. Come on. Any woman would go after the husband, not the baby. Dr. Phillip Kane: True. But, in some instances women have been known to kill their children as a way to pay back a spouse. Particularly if it's over an affair and particularly if the child was a male child. Catherine: Well, I don't buy it. I just don't buy it, doctor. She really loved that baby. Dr. Phillip Kane: Well, Catherine that's why she's in this much pain now. Catherine: A guy cheats, but the wife commits murder. How come moms always end up the bad guy with you Freud types? Brass: That's because this mother is the bad guy. (Everyone turns to listen to BRASS, who just walked into the room.) Brass: CNN just dug up a 13-year-old charge against Gwen Anderson. I heard it on the car radio. Grissom: What kind of charge? Brass: It's called shaken baby syndrome. The oldest boy-- Tyler? When he was a newborn she shook him so hard they had to go to the hospital. She shook the kid unconscious. Catherine: Is this authentic? Brass: Yeah. They were on the phone with the arresting officer from Oregon. He faxed me this report. Our grieving mother ... her record for child abuse. (BRASS hands the file to GRISSOM in front of a shocked CATHERINE.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- NIGHT] (The car door opens and BRAD LEWIS exits the car before GWEN ANDERSON. There's a large crowd in front of the entrance consisting of various reporters and curious onlookers. Cameras flash as they make their way toward the front door.) (GRISSOM exits the front of the building to help.) (People push their way toward her. GRISSOM pushes out and grabs GWEN ANDERSON and guides her toward the front door.) Reporter (man): Baby killer! Female Parent: You should die! FEMALE PARENT: You call yourself a mother? FEMALE PARENT: You're the worst! Male Parent: Baby killer! MALE PARENT: Someone should take those other kids from you! (On the way to the door, Someone pushing toward them knocks into GRISSOM and hits him in the eye.) Male Media: Did you kill Zachary over your husband's affair? Did you act alone or did Tyler help? Female Parent: Baby killer! Bitch! Killer! You deserve to die! (GWEN ANDERSON and BRAD LEWIS make it to the front door. A reporter stops GRISSOM.) Reporter (man): Gil Grissom! (GRISSOM turns around.) Reporter (man): You found the baby. How hard is it for you to look at Gwen Anderson? Grissom: (upset) Let me tell you something. People are presumed innocent ... innocent until a court of law can examine all the evidence and prove otherwise. Until then everything else is ... gossip. (Done, GRISSOM heads into the building.) WOMan In Crowd: She deserves to be put in jail! REPORTER: Gil Grissom. Gil Grissom! [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (CATHERINE presses an ice pack to GRISSOM'S bruised eye.) Catherine: Ice. Grissom: (grumbling) I don't need this. (GRISSOM and CATHERINE sit in the hallway. GRISSOM takes off the ice pack from his eye.) Catherine: Just do it. (GRISSOM puts the pack back against his eye.) Catherine: That was quite a speech you made out there, but between you me and the water fountain ... you think that Gwen Anderson's innocent? (GRISSOM puts the pack down, surprised by CATHERINE'S question.) Grissom: What? Are you changing teams now? You've been her biggest supporter. Catherine: I still am. I'm just ... taking your temperature. (GRISSOM puts the pack back against his eye. The door opens and BRASS walks out.) Brass: Hey. We're up. (They stand up and head to the interview room.) Catherine: You didn't answer my question. Grissom: You're right. I didn't. (GRISSOM throws ice bag in trash can.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT] Gwen Anderson: I never meant to hurt Tyler. You have to understand. Grissom: You shook him unconscious. Gwen Anderson: He was choking. Brass: All on his own? Brad Lewis: Change your tone or I'll end this right now. Brass: Well, it's a legitimate question. But I have to work on my tone. You're right. (clears his throat) I'll try again. All on his own? Catherine: Go ahead, Mrs. Anderson. Gwen Anderson: He had gotten food in his windpipe. His face was ... turning red. Steve was at work. So, I, I patted him on his back and-and on ... and on his stomach and finally, I turned him upside down and I started shaking him to get the food out ... to ... to dislodge it, and I did. But I realized that I had hurt him, so I called 911. Brad Lewis: She was a new mother -- 23 years old. If she'd meant to harm her son why would she call 911? Grissom: Did the E.R. find proof that there was food lodged in Tyler's throat? Brad Lewis: No. That's why the police were called in. And by the time my client went home and found the chewed food on the kitchen floor it was all too late. She was branded. Gwen Anderson: It was a french fry. He'd grabbed it from my plate. Brad Lewis: As for the death of little Zachary, my client categorically denies any involvement. She's a victim of an intruder who entered her home and abducted and killed her child. Thank you all for your continued efforts to find the real killer. (BRAD LEWIS moves to stand up. GRISSOM stops them.) Grissom: Did you know that your golf course paints its grass? Gwen Anderson: Excuse me? Grissom: It's actually a vegetable dye. Biodegradable. They've been using green dye on television tournaments for several years. Brad Lewis: What's your point? Grissom: I found a pair of nylons in the back of your husband's closet. Brass: We, uh we have a receipt that links them to your client. Grissom: The exact same dye from the golf course where Zachary was laid to rest is on your nylons. Brad Lewis: She belongs to the club. Grass stains. Catherine: But she doesn't play golf. Remember our conversation, Mrs. Anderson? It's not your game? (GWEN ANDERSON doesn't say anything.) Brad Lewis: If you arrest her now ... you have 48 hours to charge her. You really want to show your hand at the arraignment? Brass: (stands up) We'll be in touch. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - NIGHT] (GWEN ANDERSON walks up to the car where STEVE is carrying ROBBIE who has his arms out for mommy. TYLER stands behind them.) Steve Anderson: Look. ROBBIE ANDERSON: Mommy, I want my mommy. (GWEN walks up to them and instead of taking ROBBIE from STEVE, she walks around them to the car.) Gwen Anderson: Hey. Can we just go, please? TYLER ANDERSON: What's going on? (Standing near the window watching them, CATHERINE and GRISSOM are both surprised by what they just saw.) Catherine: Did you see that? Grissom: A mother repelled by her young. Catherine: She didn't seem like that type to me. (Outside, GWEN is in the car. STEVE hands ROBBIE over to TYLER.) Steve Anderson: All right, okay. Here, go to your brother. (CATHERINE turns to leave the window.) Catherine: I'll catch you later. I want to hear that 911 tape. (GRISSOM remains by the window watching. On her way out, CATHERINE passes SARA who walks toward GRISSOM.) Sara: Hi. Catherine: Hey. Sara: Grissom? (GRISSOM turns around.) Sara: The coroner's been trying to reach you. Grissom: Did he nail time of death? Sara: 9:00 P.M., But, uh, there's something else. He isolated the fiber found in Zachary Anderson's throat. It's a flame-retardant material -- generic name's metaramid. Grissom: From the baby's clothes? Sara: Fire-retardant infant's clothes are made out of vinyon. The fiber found in Zack's throat is a stronger chemical treatment. It's found in things that are made to be near fire and flames. (Something occurs to GRISSOM and he quickly turns and heads out the hallway. SARA sees him leave and quickly follows.) Sara: (eagerly) Hey, can I go with you? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ANDERSON RESIDENCE - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ANDERSON RESIDENCE - KITCHEN -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM opens the door and heads into the kitchen. SARA follows. GRISSOM checks the drawers looking for something. SARA also starts checking the drawers.) (GRISSOM pulls out a towel, then tosses it on the counter.) (He opens the next drawer and stops. He's found it. The pot holders. SARA looks at them.) Sara: Same color as the fiber in Zack's throat. (GRISSOM looks at SARA.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE and WARRICK work on the 911 tapes.) Warrick: Okay, this is the 911 call from the Anderson house at 4:30 A.M. Steve Anderson: (from tape) Our baby has been kidnapped. 493 Fairmark. Please hurry. Catherine: Mrs. Anderson wasn't there? Warrick: You wouldn't think so but I went ahead and separated out any underlying voices. Gwen Anderson: (hysterical) What are we going to do?! Warrick: She was standing, like, two meters from the phone. Catherine: Yeah, well, it's a legitimate comment. Doesn't make her guilty of anything. Warrick: I know, so I checked to see if she was, like, faking her concern. This program measures the stress level of the speakers. Gwen Anderson: (from tape) Oh, god, what are we going to do?! (WARRICK points to the results on the monitor of the 911 call from: Las Vegas, NV 89109 for (702) 555-0133.) Warrick: The stress is real. Catherine: Are you familiar with the JonBenet case? Warrick: A little. Catherine: Well, the police went back, and they found an earlier call that was placed from the home to 911 and the audio tests separated out the son's voice. Now, I'm not saying that Tyler's our guy, but ... we need to check into every avenue. Warrick: Well, I did backtrack and there were no other calls that night from the Anderson house-- from the land line, or from the cell phone. Catherine: In the parents' name, but did you look under Tyler's? I mean, a rich kid like that's probably got a cell phone. Warrick: Yeah. All right, I'll get into it. (CATHERINE'S phone rings. She answers it.) Catherine: Hello. Grissom: (from phone) Anderson's attorney. Seven a.m. Catherine: 7:00 A.M.? I'll be there. Grissom: (from phone) Bring all the evidence. Catherine: Yeah. I'll bring it all. Thanks. (CATHERINE stands up and leaves the room. She waves to WARRICK as she goes.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CONFERENCE ROOM -- MORNING] (CATHERINE and GRISSOM walk into the large conference room.) Brad Lewis: My colleagues, Messrs. Landry and Frank are representing Steve and Tyler Anderson respectively. Although we're not co-counsel in the strictest sense we've agreed the authorities should have no more than three questions to put to our clients each. After that, we'll accept written submissions only. Catherine: Nice ... what money can buy. Steve Anderson: My family is done being railroaded by you people so just ask your questions, and let's go. Grissom: I don't have any questions. We know what happened in your house the night Zachary died. We've interpreted the evidence. Catherine: All right, let's work backwards starting with the cover-up. Sometime around 11:00 P.M. the night of the kidnapping you and Mr. Anderson had a drink -- rum and cola ... (Quick flashback to: That night. STEVE ANDERSON pours himself a drink. He drinks and rests his elbows on the counter top trying to think.) Catherine: (V.O.) ... and decided what to do with the body of Zachary. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: We have yet to determine whether or not his death was accidental or intentional. Grissom: The question documents lab thinks that a parent wrote the ransom note because there's no money amount. (He shows them a photocopy of the ransom note.) Grissom: Too hard to put a price on your own son? Catherine: Mrs. Anderson, while your husband was writing the ransom note, you wrapped Zachary's body in a blanket that you got from the upstairs linen closet. (Quick flashback to: GWEN ANDERSON opens the linen closet door and gets a blanket out. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: You then laid his body to rest near a statue on the golf course. (Quick flashback to: GWEN ANDERSON carries the baby to the statue on the golf course. She kneels down in the grass. Camera close up of her knee on the grass. She puts the baby down, placing him carefully on the grass. She cries and slowly backs away. She leaves. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: That's how you got the grass stains on your nylons. (GRISSOM hands over a photo to BRAD LEWIS to look at.) Catherine: You put down a plastic bag from the pantry so that he'd remain dry. Evidence of genuine care and concern. (TYLER turns to look at his mom who is slowly falling apart at hearing the story recounted for them.) Catherine: And Mr. Anderson you put up a ladder outside the window. Grissom: The only shoe prints we found were yours and the gardener's and the gardener has been out of town. You then drove over to your office and cranked off a ransom note on the first available printer ... (Quick flashback to: STEVE ANDERSON is in the office printing out the ransom note.) Grissom: (V.O.) ... possibly thinking that if you used a printer from outside your house, we wouldn't be able to trace it. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: But these three dots ... have given you away. (GRISSOM hands over the photo to BRAD LEWIS.) Brad Lewis: This may prove cover-up. None of it proves they killed Zachary. Grissom: You're right, counselor. Zachary's life was taken much earlier in the evening. The coroner estimated time of death at 9:00 P.M. Brad Lewis: Estimated. It could be 8:30. Grissom: Yes. While Robbie and Zachary were in Tyler's care. (GRISSOM turns to look at TYLER. GWEN sees where this is heading.) Grissom: You said that we could ask three questions each. Am I right? Gwen Anderson: Stop. Ty didn't do this. Brad Lewis: Don't give them anything. Gwen: No, no. It doesn't matter. We're already ruined. Look, they're just ... they're just trying to protect me, all right? Brad Lewis: Please. Gwen Anderson: And I can't go on. Brad Lewis: (warning) Mrs. Anderson. Gwen Anderson: I killed him. I came home. Tyler h-h-hadn't put Zachary to bed because he ... he was crying, and I wanted to hush him up and, and I just ... I went too far. Brad Lewis: For the record my client made this statement against legal counsel. Grissom: Would you tell us ... how you killed him. Gwen Anderson: I smothered him with a pot holder. And that's when Steve and I came up with the kidnap story. Steve Anderson: It was the longest night of our lives. Catherine: You had to wait till morning to report him missing. Gwen Anderson: So that it wouldn't look suspicious. And you may not believe me, but I loved him. I loved him very, very much. Grissom: We're going to have to have them both arrested. (BRAD LEWIS nods.) (GWEN and STEVE look at each other.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -HALLWAY - DAY] (CATHERINE and GRISSOM walk into the hallway WARRICK walks out and is surprised to see them back so soon.) Warrick: I was just coming to meet you guys. I thought you were at the Andersons. Grissom: We're done. She copped. Warrick: What? Catherine: Guilty people do that when you corner them with evidence. Warrick: Guys, the mother didn't do it. Grissom: What? Warrick: Listen. (WARRICK hands GRISSOM the earphones. GRISSOM puts them on and listens to the tape.) Tyler Anderson: (from tape) What did you do, Robbie?! What did you do?! (GRISSOM looks at WARRICK, surprised. WARRICK nods his head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BRASS' OFFICE -- DAY] (They re-question TYLER ANDERSON with STEVE ANDERSON sitting next to him.) Tyler: I was watching the boys. I had my eye on them; I did. (Quick flashback to: ROBBIE is leaning over the crib. He has the pot holder in his hand and holds it over ZACHARY. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (GRISSOM flips through the file.) Grissom: Yeah. But then you called your girlfriend. Tyler Anderson: And we got to talking. (Quick flashback to: TYLER ANDERSON on the phone. End of flashback.) Tyler Anderson: And I was kind of ignoring Zack and Robbie. (BRASS glances over at ROBBIE who is playing with a toy and under the watchful eye of the OFFICER.) Tyler Anderson: They were being quiet. They were behaving. I turned around, and I saw how still he was. (Quick flashback to: TYLER turns around and looks over at the crib where ROBBIE is playing. He walks over to the crib to check up on the kids.) Tyler Anderson: (V.O.) I ran to him, and he was dead. (He looks inside the crib and finds that ZACH isn't moving. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: And that's when you called 911. (TYLER nods. STEVE turns to look at TYLER.) (Quick flashback to: TYLER dialing the phone frantically. ROBBIE stands in front of TYLER, unaware of what's going on. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: But you must have dropped the phone to tend to Zack. (GRISSOM reaches for the tape player.) (Quick flashback to the phone falling to the floor.) Operator: (V.O.) 911. Tyler Anderson: (on tape) What did you do, Robbie?! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (Quick flashback to: TYLER looks into the crib, down at ZACH. He turns and yells at ROBBIE.) Tyler Anderson: What did you do? (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: And I guess somewhere in the chaos you got disconnected. Soon after that, your parents arrived. (Quick flashback to: GWEN and STEVE walk into the house and find TYLER trying to revive ZACH.) Gwen Anderson: Oh, my god. What happened? (GWEN rushes over. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: One of you worked on him so hard that you cracked his sternum. (STEVE sighs.) Tyler Anderson: He was already blue. I pushed. I tried to breathe air into him, but he was gone. Steve Anderson: We did everything that we could. Brass: Why didn't you just tell the truth? Steve Anderson: We wanted to protect Robbie. (his voice breaks) We didn't want him to grow up with the stigma of ... "the boy who killed his brother." Grissom: He's three. He's clinically unaware of his actions. No court would hold him accountable for that. Steve Anderson: But everybody else would know. It would follow him the rest of his life. And my wife ... would rather go to prison than to have anybody know what Robbie did. Grissom: Mr. Anderson, we won't let that happen. (STEVE looks at TYLER who turns to look over at ROBBIE playing quietly in the hallway.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- JAIL -- DAY] (The doors slide open. GWEN ANDERSON walks out of the cell and waits for the main gate to open. CATHERINE stands there waiting for her. The doors open and they hand GWEN her things.) Catherine: Now I know why you didn't want to hold Robbie when your husband handed him to you outside the police department. (GWEN puts her jacket on.) Catherine: I'm very sorry. Gwen Anderson: (sniffles) I always, uh ... I always tell them, "gentle, gentle." (CATHERINE nods.) Gwen Anderson: He didn't mean it. I know he didn't mean it. Catherine: (shakes her head) Of course he didn't. (GWEN walks past CATHERINE, then turns around.) Gwen Anderson: You must think that we are awful people -- all this stuff that's come out. Catherine: You're an average family burdened with a tragedy that put you under a microscope. That close, nobody can look good. (GWEN nods and turns to leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] [HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS] (CATHERINE and GWEN ANDERSON turn the corner and meet up with GRISSOM who stands there waiting for them.) (Just outside near the windows, the shadow of the crowd in the front of the building can be seen. Camera lights flash.) Grissom: Your family's waiting for you. You ready? [SLOW MOTION CAMERA] (Flanked with both GRISSOM and CATHERINE on either side of her, GWEN ANDERSON heads for the front door.) HARD CUT TO BLACK. Reporter (man): (V.O.) Will the family be moving? Reporter (man): (V.O.) Will you make any statements? Reporter (man): (V.O.) Comments?

Plan: A: Grissom's team; Q: Who investigates the kidnapping? A: the infant child; Q: What was kidnapped? A: a rich family; Q: What kind of family is the kidnapped child from? A: the evidence; Q: What shows that the family is hiding something? A: the case; Q: What takes a darker turn? Summary: Grissom's team investigates the kidnapping of the infant child of a rich family. However, when the evidence shows that the family is hiding something, the case takes a darker turn.

Act 1 Scene 1 - Wedding Chapel [Fade in. Niles and Daphne are preparing to take their vows.] Daphne: I, Daphne Moon, do take thee, Niles Crane, as my husband. I promise you my fidelity and my support, my laughter and my tears, my constant friendship and my unending love as long as we both shall live. Niles: I, Niles Crane, do take thee, Daphne Moon, as my wife. I vow to you my fidelity and my support, my honor and my respect, my honesty and my protection. You are my comfort, my joy, and my one true love. I will cherish you all the days of my life and treasure the journey that has brought us to this most wonderful perfect place. [The scene shifts to show a leisure suited official with a sign behind him saying "Lucky 7"] [N.B. The Officiant is played by writer Sam Johnson.] Officiant: For most folks that's one too many free cocktails, am I right? [They give him looks that are less than enthused.] Officiant: Seriously, do you have the rings? Niles: Oh, no. In my rush to get here, I completely forgot about them. Daphne: Does this mean we can't get married? Officiant: It would, if we didn't offer seven different wedding band packages for you to choose from. [He pulls a tray from beneath the podium.] Now, depending on your budget, we can offer you anything from the "B-Steel My Heart", that's genuine stainless right there, to the "Never Ending Love", which can be returned for up to ninety days, no questions asked. Daphne: They do seem the nicest. [Her cell phone rings.] Daphne: Oh, damn, who could be calling at this hour? [She goes to answer the phone as Niles checks the ring.] Niles: Wow, you certainly don't see six and a half karat gold every day. Daphne: Hello? [Cut to - Roz in her bedroom. The camera switches back and forth to focus on each woman as she speaks.] Roz: Daphne, it's Roz. Quick, turn on your TV. My building's on the news. Daphne: What? Roz: Some murder/suicide thing, I'm gonna wave to you from my balcony. Daphne: Darn, I'm not home. Roz: Where are you? Daphne: You're not going to believe this, but Niles and I flew to Reno and we're getting married right now! [The official runs Niles card through an imprinter for the rings.] Roz: You are not! Daphne: I am so! [The scene cuts back and forth between them as they squeal in excitement and delight. Niles signs the receipt.] Niles: [to Officiant] Apparently it's some sort of dolphin emergency. Daphne: I should go. I'll tell you everything when we get back. Okay, bye. [She hangs up the phone. Back in Seattle, Roz does the same, then makes a disturbed noise when she sees the latest development on TV. Cut to - Daphne returning to the podium.] Daphne: Sorry. Officiant: You may exchange rings as a symbol of the promises you've made here today. [Niles and Daphne put the rings on each other's fingers.] Officiant: By the power vested in me by the state of Nevada, county of Washoe and the all-new Lucky 7 Resort and Casino, I now pronounce you Husband and Wife. Good luck! [He hits a switch and the recorded sounds of church bells are heard. He starts to leave, but pauses at the chapel door.] Officiant: Hey, don't forget to check out our topless buffet. [He heads out. Niles turns to Daphne and has to raise his voice to be heard over the bells.] Niles: He never said "You may kiss the bride." Daphne: You may kiss the bride. [They embrace and kiss. Fade out.] BLAME IT ON RENO Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment [Fade in. Frasier is getting ready to head out the door.] Frasier: Chop, chop, Dad! Let's get a move on! The last time I was late for the farmer's market, I got the worst of the squash blossoms. [Martin comes in from the kitchen in his security uniform, carrying a bag.] Martin: [muttering] Oh, whatever shall we serve the Duchess? Frasier: What?! Martin: I said "I'm coming." And it's not my fault I'm late, it's Daphne's. I don't know where she is, I had to make my own lunch. Frasier: Oh, dear lord, give it here. [He grabs the bag from Martin and looks in it.] Frasier: Two bags of chips, three puddin' cups, and a root beer. Martin: What's wrong with that? Frasier: A, this is not a lunch, and B, I fail to see how it took you so long since you did not make anything but simply transferred smaller containers into a larger one. Let's go! [He grabs his keys and opens the door to reveal Niles and Daphne.] Niles: Oh, hello all. Frasier: Hi. [They hurry in, excited.] Martin: Where have you been? I had to make my own lunch. Frasier: [exasperated] Oh... Daphne: We've got some big news. Niles: Yes, um, maybe they should sit down. Frasier: What's going on? Daphne: Well, last night, I told Niles that I wanted to marry him right then and there. Niles: And once I realized she was serious, we rushed out into the night, fully intending to. Daphne: But then we found out that in Washington, it takes three days to get a marriage license. Frasier: Well, thank goodness. Niles: Why? Frasier: Why?! If we had missed your wedding, well it would have just killed me. Niles: It would've? Frasier: Well of course it would. Niles, we've been there through the last ten tortured years of your courtship. How could we not be hurt if we missed the wedding? Niles: But surely you could understand if, if someone were carried away by their emotions... Martin: Well, I'm just glad it turned out the way that it did, because it would've just broken my heart. [Niles and Daphne stand there with slightly guilty looks as, behind their backs, they slip off the wedding rings.] Niles: Well, we didn't come here to break anyone's heart. We came here to tell you that there's a wedding in three days! Daphne: Isn't that big news? Niles: Yes, we're going to have a simple ceremony at the courthouse. Frasier: That is just wonderful! And you know what? By way of a celebration, please allow me to treat us all to dinner at Couer du Singe. How does that sound, eh? Daphne: That sounds wonderful. [The doorbell rings and Martin answers it to reveal Roz walking Ariel.] Roz: Hey, Martin. Martin: Hey, how ya doin'? Roz: You want to go to the dog park? [she notices Niles and Daphne] Oh, my God! You guys are here! [She rushes over to hug Daphne shouting for joy.] Frasier: Well, I'm here too. Niles: Um, we were just talking about our wedding. Roz: Oh, good, I want to hear all about it. Daphne: We're going to have a small civil ceremony on Friday. [Roz starts one of her excited squeals that turns into a "huh?" sound as this sinks in.] Frasier: Yes, if you'll excuse me, I'm in a rush to get to the farmer's market. Niles: At this hour? I hope you like listless radicchio. [Frasier hurries Martin out the door.] Roz: Okay, what the hell? I thought you guys got married in Reno. [Daphne and Niles go to sit on the couch as Roz sits in Martin's chair.] Daphne: We did. But as we were trying to tell Mr. Crane and Dr. Crane, they told us how hurt they'd be if we got married without them. Niles: Yes, which, in the moment, failed to occur to us. So, to spare their feelings, we're having a fake wedding on Friday. Roz: Well, that works for me, because Alice is still counting on being a flower girl. Niles: Of course. Daphne: Great. Roz: So if you guys have two weddings, when's your anniversary going to be? Daphne: Well, to keep up appearances, I suppose it'll have to be the second one, won't it? Niles: Well, we could celebrate two anniversaries. A public one, and then a second, secret one just for us. Daphne: Oh, I like that. Sort of sexy having an anniversary only two of us know about. Roz: Three of us. Niles: I still can't believe we're married. Daphne: It's our one-day anniversary. Roz: And we're the only ones who know. Daphne: You know, we should celebrate. Niles: How about going to the dog park? Daphne: Well, that doesn't sound very romantic. Niles: I'm not talking to you. [Roz gets the hint and leaves with Ariel as Niles and Daphne fall into each other's arms. Fade out.] Scene 3 - The Courthouse [Fade in. Niles and Daphne are waiting at the door to a judge's chambers where Martin and Frasier are setting up the wedding.] Niles: Nervous? Daphne: Less than last time. I guess it helps to have had a rehearsal. Niles: It wasn't a rehearsal, it was the real thing. This is just a... touring company performance. Daphne: Right. [They kiss and go in as Roz, Alice and Gertrude Moon come up the hallway.] Gertrude: It's a bloody miracle we're here in one piece what with the way you drive. Roz: I'm better at it when someone's not screaming in my ear. Gertrude: Well, in my day people didn't drive so recklessly. Do you know why? Alice: Is it because you rode dinosaurs? [Roz bites her lips to keep from smiling.] Gertrude: You should talk to your daughter. [She goes into the judge's chambers and Roz hunkers down.] Roz: When we get home, you're getting ice cream. [They go in as well. Cut to - the judge's chambers.] Frasier: We're all here, your honor. Gertrude: Why did we all have to be here just to pick up a bloody license? Couldn't we have met at the church? Daphne: Mum, we're not going to the church, we're getting married here. Gertrude: You're what? Niles: We're having a civil ceremony. Gertrude: Without a minister? Out of the question. Daphne: Mum... Gertrude: That's enough, Daphne. I am your mother and I will not bear witness to a Godless union. Martin: Gertrude, I was in favor of a church wedding too, but this is their day, not ours. Maybe we should just let them decide how it's gonna be. Gertrude: If people got to decide things for themselves, no one would go to church. [The Judge, whose name is Anderson, rises.] Anderson: If I may... Frasier: I'll handle this, Your Honor. Mrs. Moon, you have my personal guarantee that this will not be a Godless union. For if you truly believe in the omniscience and omnipresence of the Lord, then surely are we not always in His presence? Gertrude: No, He lives at the church. All I'm asking is that you honor the wishes of an old woman, whose every child has been married by a minister, or at least a prison chaplain. Niles: Perhaps, given the depth of feeling here, it would be best to wait. Frasier: Yes, well, I suppose we could find a church in reasonably short order. Daphne: I don't believe this. Anderson: If you're not going to get married now, perhaps you could all take this out into the hall? I have a schedule to keep. Gertrude: Roz, take me home. [She makes an exasperated noise.] Niles: We'll call you when we've cleared this all up. Roz: Okay, let's go, Alice. [She opens the door. Alice flings a handful of flower petals on the floor.] Alice: Congratulations. [Roz and Alice leave, Gertrude pauses at the door.] Gertrude: When you're prepared to have a proper wedding, you know where to find me. [She heads out.] Frasier: That we do! On your fiery throne presiding over the damned! All right, lets-let's go. Martin: [as they leave] Where are we gonna find a clergyman who'll perform on such short notice? [Cut to - the hallway.] Frasier: Hey, maybe the judge knows somebody. Hang on a second here. Your honor... [He and Martin head back in.] Niles: I'm sorry, Daphne. But it'll just be a few days, and then we can be married. Daphne: We already are. This is supposed to be the happiest time of my life. I want to wear my wedding ring. I'm Mrs. Niles Crane and I don't want to keep it a secret. Niles: You just want to tell them the truth? Daphne: Too complicated. Let's just get married again. [She takes his hand and pulls him into the judge's chambers. Cut to - the chambers as the hurry in.] Niles: The wedding's on. Frasier: What? What about Mrs. Moon? Daphne: I'm sorry she'll miss it, but that's her choice. Your honor, we've changed our minds, we want to be married. [Everyone hurries into place.] Anderson: All right, but we have to be quick about this. Are we ready to begin? Niles: [together with Daphne] Yes. Anderson: Okay, let's do it. Daphne, please repeat after me. Daphne: Actually, we've written our own vows. Anderson: Of course you have. Daphne: I, Daphne Moon, do take thee, Niles Crane, as my husband. I promise you my fidelity and my support, my laughter and my tears... [As she continues, Frasier begins sobbing.] Martin: Frasier, you said you wouldn't do this! Frasier: [blubbering] I say a lot of things. [Martin looks a little peeved, the ceremony continues. Fade out.] End of Act 1 [SCENE_BREAK] Act 2 Scene 1 - Frasier's Apartment [Fade in. Martin, Frasier, Niles and Daphne come in after the celebration dinner.] Niles: Oh, Frasier, thank you so much for dinner. Daphne: Yes, it was wonderful. Frasier: It was my pleasure. Dad, don't you have something to add? Martin: [as he sits] I already said thank you for dinner. What am I supposed to do, get down on my knees and kowtow to your fancy-ass American Express card? Frasier: No, I was referring to the gift we have for them. Martin: [clambering to his feet] Oh! Right, I forgot about that. Yeah, and thanks for dinner, Fraizh, it really was excellent. I didn't think I'd like beef cheeks. Frasier: Yes, yes! Dad, give them the gift. [Martin carries a box over to the couch.] Daphne: This is so exciting, our first wedding present. [Niles opens it.] Daphne: It's a silver picture frame! Niles: Beautiful. Frasier: And nota bene, it's been engraved with today's date in order to commemorate your wedding date until your real gift arrives. Daphne: It's very sweet. Thank you Mr. Crane and Dr. Crane. Martin: You can't call us that anymore, we're family now. Daphne: So we are. Well, thank you... Frasier. Oh, that feels strange. [She and Martin rise.] Daphne: And thank you... [He prompts her with "Dad" just as she says "Martin".] Daphne: Dad. Martin: Or Martin. Whatever makes you feel comfortable. Daphne: Oh, thank you Mr. Crane. Martin: Don't mention it. Daphne: Well, I better go and figure out what to pack for the honeymoon. [She kisses Niles and heads for her room. Martin rests on the arm of his chair and Niles sits down smugly.] Niles: I'm just bringing sun screen. [Frasier rises and walks to the kitchen.] Frasier: Pardon me. I have to go and poke out my mind's eye. Martin: Oh, you're lucky. I always wanted to go to Bora Bora. Niles: Oh, it's going to be fantastic, Dad. We're staying in a thatched hut built out over the water. In the middle of the floor there's a window where you can look straight down to the bottom of the ocean. Martin: [rising] Well, I hope it's not too deep. When we went to the top of the Space Needle and you looked down, you got sick. Niles: Dad! Martin: All over that poor Japanese tour group. Niles: Dad... Martin: And when I yelled down to warn them, they just looked up. [He leaves to his room. The doorbell rings and Niles gets up to answer it.] Niles: That was three years ago! [He opens the door and Gertrude comes in.] Niles: Mrs. Moon. Gertrude: Did you find a minister yet? Niles: I'm sorry, no. Actually... [Daphne comes in from her room.] Gertrude: Good, then I'm not too late. Daphne: Too late for what? Gertrude: Oh, Daphne. When I got home this afternoon, well, I was openin' a bottle of scotch to have with me tea and I began thinking. I was married by a minister in a church and, and what's it got me? Alone and unloved is what. And likely because I've been such a rotten mother to you all these years. Daphne: You haven't been rotten. Gertrude: Oh, yes I have. On what should have been the happiest day of your life, I thought of only myself. I'm ashamed. I mean I'm embarrassed and I apologize. Daphne: Oh, mum. [They tearfully hug.] Gertrude: My only solace is you aren't married yet. Because if I miss my baby's wedding, I won't be able to live with myself. [She takes their hands, each giving her their right and hiding the left behind their backs.] Gertrude: Daphne, Niles you get married anywhere you want to. All that matters is that I'm there to share it with you. Daphne: Oh, of course you'll be there. [They hug again. Niles takes off his ring and puts it in his pocket and reaches out to take Daphne's as she slips it off. Niles hides the wedding present under a sofa cushion.] Daphne: We'll go right back to that courthouse tomorrow and resume where we left off. [Frasier comes back from the kitchen.] Gertrude: Nothing could make me happier. Frasier: Ah, Mrs. Moon, I see you've made peace with the wedding. Niles: Yes, Mrs. Moon has rescinded her ultimatum, so we're having the wedding tomorrow. Frasier: Ah! Niles, may I have a word with you? Niles: Mm-hm. Excuse me. [The go into the kitchen. Cut to - the kitchen as the enter.] Frasier: What the hell's going on? You guys already got married. Niles: Yes, but she doesn't know that. So, tomorrow we're going to have another ceremony for her benefit. Frasier: That's crazy! Niles: It may be, but I'm afraid the truth would crush her. Frasier: Oh, please! All the wine presses in Bordeaux wouldn't crush that woman. Niles, what you and Daphne shared today was utterly unique. Niles: You think so? Frasier: Yes, it was a singular moment. Anyone fooled by a repeat performance would have to be a complete imbecile. Niles: True. But, if it's what Daphne wants, I'll support her. We'll get Roz back, we'll find a different judge and we'll just do it all over again. And, it'll be just as perfect as today's was. Frasier: Fine. But I'm not singing "Wonderful World" again. Niles: Maybe more perfect. [He walks out on an irritated Frasier. Fade to - ] Scene 2 [Niles and Daphne sitting on a bench at the courthouse.] Niles: Remember how excited we were at our first wedding? Daphne: Yeah, we were both shaking. Niles: Yeah. Daphne: Hey, I noticed the first time you promised me your honesty and protection, but not the second time. Niles: No, because I vowed to always be true and to be your constant champion. It's the same thing. Daphne: I suppose. Niles: You liked it better the first way. [She nods.] Okay, we can go back to that. Daphne: Thanks. Niles: You making any changes? Daphne: Nope, same old, same old. [Roz comes down the hall with a bouquet humming the wedding march, followed by Gertrude, Martin and Frasier. Niles and Daphne rise.] Daphne: Where's Alice? Roz: Oh, upset stomach. On the way home yesterday she snacked on the leftover petals in her basket. So, I'm sorry, but I won't be able to join you for dinner. Niles: We understand. Gertrude: Explain it to me then. What sort of child eats roses? 'Tisn't normal. Roz: You could have stopped her you know. Gertrude: Not the way she was noshing them up, I couldn't. Like a wood chipper she was. Roz: All right. Gertrude: The incredible beaver baby. Roz: We GET it! [Donny Douglas comes around the corner with a woman.] Frasier: Oh, dear lord, is that... Donny? Everybody, look at your shoes! [They all look down, but Donny notices them.] Donny: Wait a minute, Daph... is that Daphne? [Everybody looks back up.] Daphne: Donny? Donny: Hey. Daphne: What a surprise. Donny: Everybody. Boy, I hope this isn't uncomfortable. Frasier: No, no, not at all. Say, is that a drinking fountain over there? Martin: Sure looks like one. [Everybody but Niles and Daphne rush back don the hall.] Donny: Well, Niles, Daphne, I'd like you to meet Bridgett, my fiancee. Bridgett: Hi. Niles: Hello. Bridgett: We just filed for a marriage license. Niles: Congratulations. Daphne: That's great. Donny: Thank you. I know that I was getting married the last time you ran into me, but this time I found the real thing. Daphne: Good, I'm glad. Donny: Yeah. You know, if you hadn't left me I never would have met my ex-wife who introduced me to Bridgett, so, in a weird way, you played a big part in my eventual happiness. Niles: That's a very healthy perspective. Donny: I think so too. So, what are you guys doing here? Daphne: Niles and I are getting married. Donny: Well, congratulations. That is great. Daphne: Thank you. [He shakes Niles' hand and gives Daphne a hug.] Donny: Well, it's great. It's nice seeing you and I hope you'll come to our wedding. Daphne: Oh, same here. Donny: Really? You'd be okay with that? [Daphne and Niles are a little taken aback, but forge on.] Daphne: Well, sure, why not? Niles: Of course, it's anybody's guess how long we could be waiting here. [The door to the judge's chambers open and Judge Stern steps out.] Stern: You can come in now. Niles: Who had one second? Everyone, it's time. Frasier: Well, here we go then. [The others all file back down the hall. Donny introduces Bridgett to them and they all go in. Cut to - the chambers as they all assemble.] Stern: Is this everybody? Niles: Yes. Stern: Let's get started. We come here today to unite this man and this woman in marriage. I understand Daphne and Niles have composed vows that are especially significant to them. Niles. [Niles takes her hands and begins to recite, somewhat uncertainly.] Niles: Uh, I, Niles Crane take you, Daphne Moon, to be my wife. I, I vow to you my, my fidelity and support, honor, respect, uh, honesty, protection, and... support...you are my comfort and joy and, oh, shoot, there's one more... Daphne: One true love. Niles: One true love! That's right. Okay, you go. Daphne: "Okay, you go"? I, Daphne Moon, do... I'm sorry, this is wrong. I can't stand here and rattle off a bunch of words that don't mean anything anymore. I can't go through with this. Donny: YES! I KNEW IT! [pointing at Niles] Now you know what it's like to have the love of your life dump you at the altar! And good luck trying to find somebody as good, because she just ain't out there! [He turns around to find Bridgett staring at him in horror.] Donny: What? [She rushes out and he hurries after her.] Donny: No, no. Bridgett, Bridgett! [exits] Daphne: I'm sorry everyone, but Niles and I, we're already married. Gertrude: What? Frasier: Mrs. Moon, I'm afraid it's true. Niles and Daphne are already married, and they were simply trying to spare your feelings. Roz: You knew about Reno? Frasier: I was talking about yesterday. What happened in Reno? Roz: They got married yesterday? Gertrude: This is all a lie? Daphne: No, yesterday was a lie. We eloped last week. Martin: I thought you had to wait for the license. Niles: That's why we went to Reno. Frasier: Why didn't you tell us? Niles: We thought you'd be insulted. Frasier: I'm insulted now! How could you tell Roz and not tell your family? Gertrude: How could you have two weddings without telling your mother about one? Roz: How could you cheat Alice out of being a flower girl? Daphne: We just wanted to be married. Martin: Hold on, I got a question here. [He opens the door.] Martin: You've been married for a week, how come you're not on your honeymoon? Daphne: Thank you...Martin. [Niles and Daphne go to the door.] Niles: I hope you can all forgive us. Frasier: Of course, your happiness that's what's important. Gertrude: This is such a relief. Daphne: It just felt wrong to start off a marriage with a lie. Gertrude: Um, was the first one at least in front of a minister? Daphne: Of course. Niles: Yes, let's go. [They leave. Fade out.] [SCENE_BREAK] The family is holding a ceremony at Frasier's apartment to share. Alice scatters petals for Daphne to walk on, then stands next to Roz. Niles is standing with Frasier when she comes up and Martin presides. Eddie and Ariel are watching from Martin's chair. Alice takes a handful of petals from her basket and munches on them.

Plan: A: Roz; Q: Who finds out about the marriage when she tries to phone Daphne? A: Martin; Q: Who tells the newlyweds to go on their honeymoon? A: their feelings; Q: What do Niles and Daphne pretend to spare? A: three days; Q: How long did Niles and Daphne pretend their wedding was away? A: the courthouse; Q: Where was the wedding supposed to be held? A: Daphne's mother; Q: Who objects to a civil ceremony? A: her mind; Q: What does Daphne change? A: third; Q: How many times did Niles and Daphne go through the wedding process? A: their personal vows; Q: What is becoming less significant and less memorable? A: Donny; Q: Who do Niles and Daphne have an awkward encounter with? A: The excuses; Q: What comes out at the third wedding? A: the third wedding; Q: Which wedding did everyone find out about the previous weddings? A: the lies; Q: What are the others furious at? Summary: Unable to wait any longer, Daphne and Niles hasten to a casino in Reno in the middle of the night and get married secretly. Roz finds out when she tries to phone Daphne during the night. On returning to Seattle , Niles and Daphne are eager to break the good news to Frasier and Martin, until they discover that both would be devastated if they had missed the ceremony. To spare their feelings, Niles and Daphne pretend that they are not yet married, and that the wedding is in three days at the courthouse . Unfortunately, on the day Daphne's mother objects to a civil ceremony, and Daphne agrees to wait until they find a church and a minister. However, once Gertrude has gone, she changes her mind again and they proceed with the civil ceremony without her. Later on, Gertrude apologises to Daphne, saying that as long as she is able to attend the wedding, it does not matter where it is held. Niles and Daphne therefore feel obliged to go through the whole process a third time for her benefit, but by this time their personal vows are becoming less significant, and less memorable, with a awkward encounter with Donny to top it off. The excuses all comes out at the third wedding, with everyone furious at the lies except for Martin, who instead tells the newlyweds to go out on their honeymoon. Daphne finally calls him by his first name.

HA[V]ANA Hot Salsa dancers with only the bottom part of their bodies shown on screen, and at the long shot a very prominent yellow-dressed woman shakes her bottom. The shot moves up and we see it is SYDNEY, with a ridiculous wig that looks like a cat got on top of her head. She turns towards the screen and does a few moves, before the camera pans away to the other dancers again. Camera moves to the people at their tables, and they're chatting and looking at the dancers. Camera focuses towards a particular table. Camera then moves towards the dancers again. A random dancer moves towards another random man to ask to dance, then we see SYDNEY moving towards a man at said table. She puts her leg up on his chair (Camera provides a rather nice shot of her leg) and holds her hand towards him, and he takes it, but not before taking a glance at his companions at his table. SYDNEY smiles and they move towards the dance floor. They danced for a while. Camera pans to his companions, who are watching pretty amused. PHANTOM: (subtitles) You dance like an angel. SYDNEY: (subtitles) Yet my feet touch the ground. Camera now pans over to the table again, then back to the dancing pair. PHANTOM: I betray him; I spend the rest of my life on the run. SYDNEY: We can help you with that. PHANTOM: You brought the payment? She moves her hand down his face, a diamond bracelet clearly evident. SYDNEY: I hope you like diamonds. They continue dancing and the camera pans ominously at the man sitting at the table. PHANTOM: They are planning an attack. Large-scaled, civilian target. SYDNEY: Where? PHANTOM: I'm not sure, but it's on the hard drive. Everything you need. Your man is in Los Angeles? Scene cuts to DIXON walking down a hallway. SYDNEY: (Voiceover) He's ready. PHANTOM: (Voiceover) Have him proceed to locker 471. DIXON: I'm on the move. Scene cuts back to dance floor. PHANTOM: The locker combination is 8-0-2-37. Scene cuts to DIXON opening the locker, then back to the dance floor. Camera pans over to the table again. PHANTOM: Has he found it? Cuts to DIXON, who puts the harddrive into his briefcase. DIXON: I have it. The package. Back to SYDNEY on the dance floor. SYDNEY: He's got it. She twirls PHANTOM around, and slips the bracelet into his hand, then pretends to continue dancing again. SYDNEY: On the next turn, spin me and cut into the nearest dancer. PHANTOM: Pleasure dancing with you. He kisses her hand, then spins SYDNEY as instructed, adjusts his tie and cuts into the next dancer. The camera pans ominously over at the man at the table. Scene then cuts to MARSHALL rushing at home. MARSHALL: Honey have you seen my shoe? I really need to go. (Mitchell is crying in the background. We then see CARRIE carrying Mitchell at the medicine cabinet) CARRIE: No, you don't! MARSHALL: Yes, I do! He trips over some of Mitchell's toys, and Mitchell cries harder. CARRIE coos at him. MARSHALL finally found his shoe in some box at some obscure corner. MARSHALL: I found it! Who put it in the box? CARRIE: (as Mitchell cries louder) Hey Marshall? MARSHALL: Okay, I'm out of here. CARRIE: He's warm. MARSHALL: Well, you know, he's just got out of the bathroom - CARRIE: No, it's not the bath; he's feverish! MARSHALL: (Stumbling over his words) ** [I couldn't catch what he was saying] CARRIE: No, just feel him. MARSHALL: He's just a little warm.. CARRIE: Won't you hold him? Just hold him- MARSHALL: (while CARRIE is talking, he's been talking) I can't take him right now... CARRIE! CARRIE! (She walks away, then his phone rings) Hold on, hold on, just a second. (CARRIE gets something from a drawer) Hello? Scene cuts to SLOANE at APO. SLOANE: Where are you. MARSHALL: (on the phone) Hi Mr Herderington, (to CARRIE) It's Mr Herderington! (CARRIE shakes her head) SLOANE: DIXON on work with the hard drive, you were supposed to be at work an hour ago. Where are you? MARSHALL: Well, you know, we had a bit of a, domestic crisis here - SLOANE: I'm not interested. (cuts to MARSHALL nodding his head, then back again) Get in here. Cuts to MARSHALL. MARSHALL: Okay, I'd be right in, thank you, Mr Boss Man. CARRIE walks out with a horrified expression on her face. CARRIE: You can't go back in! MARSHALL: I have to, the server crashed, okay? CARRIE: He needs to go to the doctor's! MARSHALL: Well, then you take him. (Camera pans to CARRIE's disappointed and disapproving expression, then MARSHALL switches MITCHELL from his left to his right) Carrie. I'm sorry. I need your help right now. I have to get to work, okay? (He hands Mitchell over to her and looks guilty as Mitchell cries even louder) Cuts to night, in Havana, where it's raining. SYDNEY walks out with her cell phone at her ear. SYDNEY: My contact here indicates that Third Faction is planning a large-scaled (cuts to VAUGHN walking in a room at APO) civilian attack. VAUGHN: We'd have the hard drive decrypted by the time you touch down. Just don't spend too much time sightseeing in Cuba. Cuts back to SYDNEY in Havana SYDNEY: Don't worry, I'm ready to get out of here. You have any idea (Cuts back to VAUGHN) how hard it is to maintain cover while dancing the salsa in three-inch heels? VAUGHN: Yes, actually, I do, but let's keep that between us. Cuts back again to SYDNEY SYDNEY: (Sniggering) You're doing the next intel swap, I don't care what the {**} perimeters are. VAUGHN: Oh, nothing will make me happier. I love dancing. SYDNEY: (Laughs) You hate to dance! Cuts to VAUGHN. VAUGHN: (A grin plastered on his face) How did you know? SYDNEY: I've never seen you dance. VAUGHN: Well, I'm a mysterious man. A lot of things you don't know about me. SYDNEY: You've never once (cuts back to her) taken me dancing. VAUGHN: (Cuts to him) Okay. Let's go dancing. SYDNEY: Really? VAUGHN: Yeah, sure! (Scene cuts back to SYDNEY) SYDNEY: (Laughing again) But you hate dancing! VAUGHN: And yet, I'm taking you. Like I said, I'm very mysterious. You see your driver? SYDNEY: Yeah. She approaches the car, and the scene cuts to VAUGHN. VAUGHN: Have a safe trip. Scene cuts back to SYDNEY, who closes the door. Closeup on her face reveals an enormous grin, and the car pulls away. [SCENE_BREAK] Dixon walks into APO carrying a briefcase, he passes it off to a random guy who then walks with Dixon to a computer. The guy opens the case and hooks up the hard drive that was inside to the computer. [SCENE_BREAK] Sydney's car is being followed. She sees headlights in the rearview mirror and turns around to see, when she turns back there is red dot aimed on the back of the driver's head. SYDNEY: Get down! Shots are fired from the tailing car and the driver is hit. We now see that there are two cars, Sydney pulls at the door handle but it's locked and then one of the cars hits Sydney's side of the car and she falls back from beside the window. The second car smashes into the back of the car and she is knocked unconscious. Both her car and another car are stopped. Two men get out and pull Sydney from the car stuffing her into theirs. [SCENE_BREAK] Inside APO, we see Dixon talking to a man at a desk while the other man, in the next room, is still working away at the computer. There are a bunch of 0's and 1's on the screen along with 'CAUTION! UNAUTHORIZED CONTENT! PROCEED WITH CAUTION' The computer blows up and Dixon runs into the room which is now filling with smoke. He waves it away as he goes to the guy. DIXON: I need a med tech! The office is filling with more smoke and there is an automated voice warning of a pathogen alert. The monitors in APO now display BIOHAZARD signs. Sloane and Jack look up startled by the alarm which is still being sounded as Dixon yells... *something I can't make out* DIXON: I need some help here! Doors close as they go into lockdown and Sloane and Jack get up to see what's going on. Vaughn runs in with a case in his hands with Nadia running alongside. The guy who was at the computer isn't doing too good now. His cheek looks like it has blisters on it and he is gasping for air. Dixon puts an oxygen mask on him and grabs his wrist to feel his pulse. Vaughn opens the case and hands the contents to a nearby agent. VAUGHN: Jeff, hand these out; make sure everyone gets one. JEFF: You got it. Dixon now sees blisters on his own hands and is beginning to cough. Vaughn is handing out medication from his case. VAUGHN: Here, it's *something else I can't make out (most likely the name of the medication)* Dixon collapses, gasps for air, and Weiss runs over. WEISS: Vaughn. VAUGHN: Don't touch him! Don't touch him! WEISS: Hey, *Holson,* come on. VAUGHN: Here, inject *yourselves.* Dixon seems to be seizing and Nadia, wearing gloves, injects one of the syringes into his leg. Weiss follows suit into his own and then Nadia injects herself with her own syringe. Vaughn comes over and crouches beside Dixon's head. VAUGHN: Clear his airway. Dixon, it's alright. It's okay. Weiss supports Dixon's head with one hand and rests his other on Dixon's chest by his neck to feel for his pulse. VAUGHN: It should start taking affect. WEISS: It's working. VAUGHN: Relax. Breathe. [SCENE_BREAK] We see two men dragging Sydney, in the dark, and dropping her to the ground. It sounds like one of them says 'get up' and then she pushes herself to her knees. Another man falls beside her, also on his knees. Both have bindings around their wrists. Car headlights shine in their eyes, Sydney is out of breath and the man beside her looks at their captor. (Subtitles on.) In German: ULRICH: You betrayed me for jewelry? MAN: Ulrich, please listen to me- Ulrich says something and we don't get any subtitles. MAN: You've made a mistake. Give me another chance. (Subtitles off.) Ulrich pulls out a gun and shoots the man in the forehead and he hits the ground. Sydney, who had been looking back and forth as each of the men spoke, now looks a little uneasy although she doesn't let it show to Ulrich. He walks closer to her and she makes eye contact with him. ULRICH: He was under the impression this was a negotiation. He was mistaken. Now, I don't particularly care who you are and who you work with, but I'm sure your conspirators will have their hands full with the hard drive we sent you. He gestures towards the dead man with his gun in hand. ULICH: *Wrong business for them. I need them to see what I do to my enemies, I need them to see what I do to you.* SYDNEY: So would it help with your demonstration if I started crying and pleading for my life? ULRICH: You obviously don't understand your situation. He was my friend, you're not. I have something much worse planned for you. Sydney stares at him and we go to the... (ALIAS theme) Jack walks through APO with papers in hand over to where Sloane is on the phone. SLOANE: Yes, Director, we'll keep you informed on the hour. Right. He hangs up and turns to Jack. SLOANE: What's our status? JACK: Vents have been sealed, air filters are working, electricity has been shifted to back up generator. SLOANE: Our cover prevents local emergency responses from intervening. We'll have to wait for hazardous material team to give the green light. Until then proceed with quarantine protocol. When will the ICU be ready? JACK: Minutes. The hard drive Dixon brought in exploded after it was connected to APO's network. It's possible our computer system has also been compromised. SLOANE: Right, then we'll run an emergency diagnostic. Where's Marshall? [SCENE_BREAK] Marshall pulls into the parking garage and is quickly gathering his things as he gets out of the car. His phone rings. Marshall answers by pressing on the earpiece he's wearing. MARSHALL: Flinkman. SLOANE: Lockdown protocol 4 Alpha Charlie, confirm? Marshall hurries to drop his things back into the car and get to his laptop. SLOANE: Confirm! Marshall sets the laptop on the car and gets to work. MARSHALL: Yeah, sorry. 4 Bravo *Inkblot* confirm. Firewall networks are secure. We haven't been hacked... Is this a drill? SLOANE: Unfortunately not. A nerve agent has been released inside APO. We have neutralized the threat but our exposure is still a biohazard outside the office. Until we get cleared, noone comes in or out of here. MARSHAL: Okay, okay I got it. Um, is there anything uh- what can I do? What can I do? SLOANE: Nothing. Stay on the line, we'll tell you what we need. MARSHALL: Okay. Weiss and Nadia walk into the office, Sloane, Vaughn, and Jack are each standing beside a chair at the table. WEISS: What the hell happened? SLOANE: We've been double-crossed. NADIA: What about Sydney? VAUGHN: She last checked in before *not sure where he says* JACK: Have we confirmed the flight? Vaughn walks around the table and dials Sydney's cell. The screen is black and we hear her phone ringing. After a few rings she gasps and is out of breath when she answers. The blue light from the phone allows us to see a wound on the right side of her forehead. SYNDEY: Hello? Hel- She looks at the screen... one missed call. Creaking noises start and she tries to look around her a bit, as the creaking continues Sydney begins to realize where she is and her breaths become deeper and more frequent. She continues to look around her with the help of the light from her phone. She gasps when she finds the body of the man who was shot by Ulrich laying beside her. We then see a shot of a dark cemetery and now we know where she is. A phone rings. Sloane answers and it's on speaker. SLOANE: Sydney, is that you? SYDNEY: Don't hook up the hard drive. VAUGHN: We know, where are you? SYDNEY: I'm not sure. They... dragged me to a cemetery and knocked me out, and I woke up in a... coffin. Nadia, Vaughn, and Jack all look at each other worriedly. Marshall, still out in the parking garage, looks just as worried. MARSHALL: Syd, are you uh... have you been buried? SYDNEY: (whispers) Yes. JACK: Stay calm. We're going to find you. WEISS: What about your contact? SYDNEY: They shot him, he's- he's in the coffin with me. Marshall looks horrified as he listens in. NADIA: We have CIA friendly support in Cuba. SYDNEY: No we don't, we're black ops. We're on our own. But, you guys have to come get me. VAUGHN: Sydney, the hard drive has been rigged. Ir released some sort of a toxin in here, we're in lockdown. SYDNEY: Lockdown? For how long? SLOANE: We estimate about 36 hours. SYDNEY: Then, what are our other options? Everyone looks sad and concerned, knowing Sydney's buried alive and they're all helpless. MARSHALL: Um, ex- excuse me. Listen, I know you told me you'd let me know if you need anything but... I could do it. I could go to Cuba. SYDNEY: Wait a minute, Marshall? You're- you're not in lockdown with the rest of the team? MARSHLL: No, Syd, listen... Mitchell this morning, well- it's a long story. How many bars do you have on your cell phone? SYDNEY: Four. MARSHALL: Four. Okay, good. That's excellent. Every cell phone has a distinct radio frequency that's traceable. If we can get a locator- JACK: But there's no way to get the op-tech to you. MARSHALL: Well, I could rig one in-country, okay. I mean, the only thing is, Syd, you'd have to stay off the phone while I'm traveling, ya know, just to conserve the battery. SLOANE: Done. We go with this. Marshall, there'll be a passport and a visa for you at the airport. MARSHALL: Passport and visa, passport and- okay- okay I'm going. He grabs his laptop and gets into the car. JACK: Marshall. Sydney has a limited supply of oxygen in that coffin, we have no margin for error, understood? MARSHALL: Yeah. I understand, I can do this. Marshall drives off. SLOANE: Sydney, I want- SYDNEY: No, I get it. I- I'm hanging up now. Sydney hangs up, takes a deep breath, and begins to cry and the coffin creaks some more. The camera moves up from her legs to her face and you see she's shaking, wrists still bound and her cell phone between her hands. She's trying to compose herself and stifle her cries but gives in and begins to panic. She frantically bites and pulls at the roping on her hands as her cries intensify. [SCENE_BREAK] We pan past Dixon who is laying, asleep, in a hospital bed, both hands are wrapped in gauze bandages past his wrists. SLOANE: Reports confirm that ten containers of ** were stolen a week ago from a warehouse in Morocco. They hit us with a drop, less than a gram according to lab analysis. Third Faction has enough toxin to infect an entire city. I want their target. Cross-check all DIA and Echelon watch lists. Consult with all of our contacts, petroleum major ports, you know the protocol. Nadia, who has seemed somewhat emotional and distracted for most of the scene, leans over to Vaughn and whispers. NADIA: How long has she been in the ground? SLOANE: Look at me! Marshall is on his way. We'll get Sydney out, make no mistake. Third Faction wants us on our heals. They think they can bomb our operation, they think they can bury our agents alive, and they think that will stop us. Well, they're wrong, we have a job to do. Get to work. HAVANA Music plays in the background and Marshall is at the counter in a store, constructing his locator with various parts, including a cell phone. There's a chicken eating on the counter as well and a man working behind it. An elderly woman is sitting in a chair nearby. MARSHALL: Uh. Uh, uh... d-do you have a screwdriver? A flathead screwdriver, por favor? (Subtitles on all but Marshall) In Spanish: MAN: Stop making hand gestures at me. Also, my store is not a workbench for you to play with. Marshall looks confused MARSHALL: That can't be regular Spanish, that's way too fast. Uh, slow down, por favor. MAN: You're scaring away my customers. MARSHALL: You know what, never- WOMAN: Let the boy work. I like watching him. (to Marshall) I like watching you. (Subtitles off) He continues screwing something onto his gadget, he smiles and nods. MARSHALL: Hola. Como esta. Alright, she's really starting to freak me out a little bit, k. Okay, uh, do you have, um uh uh... a radio? Ya know, *shouts something in Spanish* MAN: Ah, radio. MARSHALL: (In Spanish dialect.) Radio, radio, radio. The man seems to lighten up a bit and walks out to get the radio, talking in Spanish as he exits the room. Marshall looks to the woman and smiles. MARSHALL: It's the same in... Spanish... He holds up his contraption. MARSHALL: Bueno. The chicken is pecking at the food on the counter. MARSHALL: These your chickens? The man brings out the radio and puts it on the counter, saying something else in Spanish to Marshall. MARSHALL: Bueno. [SCENE_BREAK] Sydney runs her hands along the inside of the coffin above her face, which is still creaking. She looks around with her phone agin and holds it close to the guy while she searches his pockets. After lying still a minute or two she calls Vaughn. VAUGHN: Syd, slow down. (He puts her on speaker.) Say that again. SYDNEY: We can ID him. VAUGHN: Who? SYDNEY: Phantom, my contact. I can send you a picture. You can check it against airport surveillance, inbound flights to Cuba. He wasn't alone. Get visuals of the other members of Third Faction and... track that against where they've been and where they're- where they're going. The more she talks, the slower her delivery rate becomes. JACK: Send the photo. She takes a picture of him with the phone. VAUGHN: Okay, Syd. We got it, we're indexing it now. SYDNEY: Vaughn? VAUGHN: Yeah. I'm here, can you hear me? SYDNEY: I know what he looks like. Vaughn looks to Weiss who looks to Jack. VAUGHN: Syd, we got the picture, we're working on it. SYDNEY: We can check it against airport surveillance. VAUGHN: Syd, you already said that. SYDNEY: And he wasn't alone. We can find where he's been, where he's going... She sounds very groggy now and Vaughn and Jack exchange glances. Then Jack walks out. [SCENE_BREAK] Marshall is in a cab tinkering with the locator he made when his phone rings. MARSHALL: Yeah? JACK: Marshall, what's your status? MARSHALL: Well, it's really hot here and everyone keeps calling me chongo. JACK: (snaps impatiently) Marshall, where are you? MARSHALL: We're close. Really close. I've got her signal locked in. Jack is standing outside the board room now and looks inside before cautiously speaking again. JACK: We don't have much time. MARSHALL: I understand. Hold on. Okay. Okay, uh, senior? Turn here. Turn here, sir. Senior? AQUI! AQUI! SENOR! AQUI! AQUI! A LA DERECHA! The driver turns sharply to the right. MARSHALL: I took a little Spanish in college. Vaughn sits back down and looks from Weiss to Nadia and sighs as he rubs his forehead before taking Sydney's call off hold and bringing her back to speaker. VAUGHN: Syd. Marshall is on his way. We'll be dancing before you know it. She looks as if she's about to pass out at any moment. SYDNEY: Yet my feet touch the ground. VAUGHN: What was that? Sydney? SYDNEY: Vaughn? There's interference on the line and her phone beeps twice, alerting her of the weak signal. SYDNEY: My phone is dying... Vaughn? MARSHALL: Okay. *He speaks to the driver in spanish.* Alright, Mr. Bristow. I'm here. I'm here at the cemetery. Hold on. VAUGHN: Syd. Marshall's there. Hang on. Marshall is out of the cab and it drives off. MARSHALL: I just- I just need to... find out... which grave she's in. He goes off running to search for the right one VAUGHN: Syd? Sydney?! Her phone flashes 'low battery' and she lays quietly. MARSHALL: Okay. Okay. No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. His signal on the locator begins to die and he's banging on it trying to make it work. SYDNEY: Vaughn? Vaughn?! She's scared now and the screen on her phone says 'goodbye' and it shuts off. The coffin goes dark and she whimpers. SYDNEY: (squeaks) Vaughn. MARSHALL: ...four...five...six...seven... Seven. There are seven fresh graves here. VAUGHN: Marshall, you don't have time to dig them all up. Is there any way to narrow it down? MARSHALL: Wait a minute. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Vaughn, can you task a satellite over my position? Vaughn goes to a computer and sits down. VAUGHN: Okay, I'm here. What do I do? MARSHALL: Well... tasking a satellite through the NRO would take forever, so go to the *config* access menu. He sees something and runs over to grab it. It's a shovel. MARSHALL: Now, my phone is GPS so you should be able to route the coordinates through the system. VAUGHN: Got it. MARSHALL: Okay. Now type KH11/INT/THERM/CONFIG.SYS VAUGHN: Hang on, I don't see a prompt. MARSHALL: Well... there is no prompt. The prompt is implied. VAUGHN: What, I'm supposed to just type it in? MARSHALL: Yes, god. Vaughn, this isn't that hard. VAUGHN: Yeah well, I've never done this before. MARSHALL: Well, I do it for you people all the time. Now come on. VAUGHN: Okay. I have a visual. MARSHALL: Okay. Great, great, great. The commands I gave you should change the view to thermal. VAUGHN: Okay. Wait, I see her. Uh, eight rows north from where you are, three graves west. MARSHALL: North, west. Okay, I'm on it. VAUGHN: Marshall, stop. Turn around. Your other north. He turns and run to the grave Vaughn directed him to. VAUGHN: That's it. It's right in front of you. MARSHALL: I got it. I got it. Marshall drops his phone and begins digging down into the dirt with his shovel. Vaughn and Jack watch from the monitors and Nadia comes in to see too. Finally Marshall hits the top of the wooden coffin. MARSHALL: Syd? Syd? Syd, can you hear me? I'm coming! He clears the dirt away enough so that he can pull off the lid. When he opens it he sees the dead guy and Sydney laying unconscious beside him. MARSHALL: Oh my god. No. No. He climbs inside and lifts Sydney out of the grave and onto the ground. MARSHALL: Syd? Syd? Syd? Syd? He rolls her over onto her back and taps the side of her face, trying to wake her. MARSHALL: Syd? Syd? Syd? He puts his ear to her mouth so see if she's breathing. Nothing. MARSHALL: Oh my god. Okay. He gives her mouth to mouth and does some chest compressions. MARSHALL: Come on. Come on. The three, now accompanied by Weiss and Sloane, sit in silence at APO watching the screens. Marshall is doing more compressions and listens for breaths again. MARSHALL: (with each compression...) Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Sydney finally lets out a weak cough and then she begins to cough more intensely and gasp to get air into her lungs again. MARSHALL: (whispers) Oh my god. Syd? VAUGHN: That's her. She's moving. They onlookers are relieved. MARSHALL: Syd? You okay? He strokes her head gently and she looks up at him and smiles timidly, still out of breath. SYDNEY: Marshall. MARSHALL: Yeah. As she gains her strength and rolls onto her stomach, propped on her elbows... Marshall is exhausted and rolls onto his back. He's smiling and she watches him for a minute. SYDNEY: Thanks. MARSHALL: You're welcome. [SCENE_BREAK] SLOANE: We have an ID on the Phantom. Alex *Rucker* high tech specialist. He was recruited to the Third Faction by this man... Ulrich *Catore*. Sydney and Marshall are in the back of a car. Sloane puts Ulrich's picture on the screen at APO and Syndey and Marshall see it via some sort of gadget off-camera. SYDNEY: That's him. SLOANE: Phantom says that another chemical attack is imminent. The assumption is that Ulrich has the intel we need to stop it on his computer. Sydney, Marshall, APO is in lockdown for at least another 24 hours, your mission is not over. Sydney closes her eyes, taking it in, and nods. JACK: This picture was taken 10 hours ago in a Berlin airport. Ulrich operates out of a nightclub there. Infiltrate the club. Sydney looks over at Marshall who is listening intently. JACK: Find Ulrich's hard drive and upload it's contents to us. SYDNEY: Ulrich knows me. There's no way I can get close to him. She looks to Marshall, speaking in his direction. SYDNEY: But we could send someone else. MARSHALL: I've never been to Berlin. He smiles nervously as we go to... BE®LIN Night time in Berlin and Sydney is going over the mission and the gadgets with Marshall in a van. The camera alternates between each of them. SYDNEY: Make eye contact with everyone, particularly Ulrich's bodyguards. MARSHALL: Why? SYDNEY: Well, you have to convince them you're not scared. MARSHALL: Right. Yeah, I think you're supposed to do that in prison too... I heard. SYDNEY: The flash drive inside will automatically begin transfer when you're within range of his computer, but you have to get kind of close. MARSHALL: How close? SYDNEY: Two... three feet. MARSHALL: Syd, this guy, he buried you alive. SYDNEY: Yeah, but he cheated. He hit me with a car first. Marshall smiles and nods a whispered 'yeah.' SYDNEY: Ordinary cell phone, right? MARSHALL: Right. She demonstrates how it works. SYDNEY: Snap off the back. You've got your barrel, your trigger, magazine... the magazine holds two bullets- MARSHALL: I know. SYDNEY: Be careful when you load it- MARSHALL: Syd, I know. I built that, remember? I mean, I built all this stuff. SYDNEY: It's different in the field. He nods understandingly. MARSHALL: I know. SYDNEY: So, be careful when you load it because this is very sensitive up here. Marshall's cell phone interrupts while Sydney is speaking. MARSHALL: Hold on one sec. He searches his pockets for his phone and looks to see who it is. MARSHALL: It's Carrie. He answers. MARSHALL: Hey, honey, hi. What time is it? He switches the phone to the other ear and checks his watch and then switches ears again. MARSHALL: Ohhh. Sorry. What's he doing, is he okay? We didn't- I mean, I didn't realize- Aww, poor Mitchell. Alri- you know what, put him on. Yeah, put him on. Well- did you try that thing where you- okay yeah, put him on. Hey. Hey, booboo, hi. Daddy loves you. Marshall clears his throat and sings to Mitchell while Sydney smiles at her observation. MARSHALL: Hush... hush... hush little Mitchell, don't you cry. Daddy's here to teach you about Lanthanides. He sneaks a peak at Sydney who is smiling in amusement. MARSHALL: Cerium is first, yes it leads the way. Hexagonal structure and it's iron gray. Praseodymium is next and it looks like brass- What? No. I can't make it home right now, I'm sor- Tonight, I promise. By tonight, that's the best I can do. I'm sorry. Yes. Yes, Carrie, it's a crisis. Carrie, I- He realizes that she has hung up on him and he stares at his phone sadly. Sydney watches sympathetically. MARSHALL: I told her I'd be home tonight. SYDNEY: You will. MARSHALL: (whispers) Okay. SYDNEY: (quietly) Here. She hands him the cell phone. MARSHALL: Right. Wish me luck. He prepares himself and gets up and slides open the door. He steps out and turns back to Sydney who nods to him with an assuring smile and he nods as well before sliding the door closed. At the nightclub, Marshall walks around cautiously while communicating to Sydney who is still in the van. MARSHALL: Okay, I'm in. Now what do I do? SYDNEY: What do you see? MARSHALL: Well, a lot of people who are into spanking apparently. A random woman grabs his face and kisses him. MARSHALL: Oh my god, I think I just got hepatitis. SYDNEY: What? MARSHALL: This woman who looks like *Marlena Detrich* she just kissed me. He wipes his mouth. MARSHALL: I don't think she's *I can't make out this part* though. SYDNEY: What are you talking about? MARSHALL: Nothing... Okay, I see a back office. There's a bouncer standing guard and apparently a lot of men with guns. SYDNEY: You can do this, just remember what we talked about. Eye contact. Now, walk up to them and repeat exactly what I tell you. He grabs a drink and nods to the person with the tray. MARSHALL: Thank you. He downs the drink in one shot. MARSHALL: Okay. He approaches one of Ulrich's bodyguards. MARSHALL: I'm uh.. (clears throat) here to see Urich. GUARD: Ulrich not seeing anyone. SYDNEY: Tell him Alex wasn't the only one betraying him. MARSHALL: Tell him Alex wasn't the only one betraying him. The guard talks to Ulrich on a walkie talkie and then motions to Marshall. GUARD: This way. They enter an office and Marshall is patted down. The guard hands him back his cell phone and cigarette case with the flash drive inside. MARSHALL: Thank you. The man says something to Ulrich in another language and leaves. Ulrich hangs up the phone he was on and Marshall approaches. MARSHALL: Mr. *C* Thank you for taking the time... ULRICH: Stop. I don't know who you are and you're distracting me at a critical juncture. So, I hope you have something interesting to tell me.. Mr? SYDNEY: Okay, this guy's a blow hard. MARSHALL: Bristow. Jack Bristow. SYDNEY: (slightly startled) That's- that's good. MARSHALL: And if I'm wasting your time by being polite, well I'm happy to walk out of here. SYDNEY: Wait, don't go overboard. MARSHALL: Just don't call me when the Third Faction goes down in flames. SYDNEY: Don't mention Third Faction! Marshall sits down across the desk from Ulrich. ULRICH: You said you had information about my men, now what is it. SYDNEY: Marshall, I'm not getting a reading from the flash drive. Get the case closer to Ulrich's computer. He takes out the cigarette case from his jacket and takes one out and places it in his lips. MARSHALL: Cigarette? ULRICH: No thanks. Marshall lights the cigarette and tosses the case onto the desk by Ulrich's laptop. He inhales and coughs quietly. MARSHALL: I have some... conversations on tape. SYDNEY: Perfect. Now just keep that going for two minutes. Tell him he's mentioned on the tapes. MARSHALL: You're mentioned on those tapes. Marshall is now more comfortable with his smoking and is puffing away during conversation. ULRICH: My men would never go to the government. SYDNEY: No, but they would sell you out to the *Slobidan* Wolves. MARSHALL: No, but they would sell you out to the *Slobidan* Wolf. SYDNEY: Wolves. MARSHALL: Wolves. ULRICH: So who... who's doing this? SYDNEY: Dietrich Gustof, his third in command. MARSHALL: Dietrich Gustof, your third in command. ULRICH: I'm confused by something. You say you have these recordings, and Dietrich... well he only speaks German. MARSHALL: So? ULRICH: Doesn't that mean... *speaks a few sentences in German* SYDNEY: Okay, he just insulted you. Now say, *tells him what to say in German* MARSHALL: I work for myself. And as for these tapes, it's none of your business how I got them. And my German, (subtitled) I know enough to deal with trash like you. SYDNEY: Now laugh like it's all a big joke. So he does. VAUGHN: Uh, Syd, we've got a problem. SYDNEY: What is it? VAUGHN: The hard drive is connected to network firewall. Everything you're sending us is encrypted. But hold on, I'm checking all the computer shipments to your location. If we can figure out the system, we might be able to bypass it. ULRICH: Alright, Mr. Bristow, bring me that tape and we'll cut a deal. SYDNEY: Marshall, we've hit a glitch. Stall. VAUGHN: Okay, Syd. We've isolated the firewall, it's located in the basement of the club. SYDNEY: I'm on my way. VAUGHN: No, no, no, wait, wait. The firewall is biometrically linked to Ulrich. We have to get him down there to disable it. SYDNEY: Marshall, change of plans. The hard drive is encrypted, we need Ulrich in the basement to shut down a network firewall. MARSHALL: I'm afraid we can't do that... just yet. ULRICH: Why, is there some sort of problem? SYDNEY: Marshall, you have a gun, use it. Get him to the elevator, I'll meet you in the basement. Marshall reaches into his jacket and gets out the cell phone and fiddles with it under the desk where Ulrich can't see him. MARSHALL: You know what they say, never discuss money on your first meeting. I sort of need to settle on a fee first. ULRICH: We'll negotiate that after I see what you have. MARSHALL: I'm afraid I can't do that. Kind of a policy I have, cash up front. Not really a policy per say more of a been burned by too many fly by night terrorists to trust them sort of thing. Ya know... one day they say 'we'll pay you in gold' and the next they say 'did we say gold, we meant goat-' His cell phone gun goes off, shooting Ulrich in the chest. Marshall jumps to his feet. SYDNEY: Marshall, you okay? MARSHALL: Oh my god. S-S-Syd, I-I think I just killed Ulrich. Sydney is in the van looking very serious. And Marshall is buzzing around the office very worked up now. MARSHALL: Syd, Syd, Syd. I need your help now. SYDNEY: Hang in there, I'm on my way. JACK: What type of biometric scanner are they dealing with? VAUGHN: Retinal. JACK: Marshall, can you hear me? MARSHALL: Hey, Mr. Bristow. Listen, I'm really sorry, it was an accident. I didn't mean to shoot- JACK: Marshall, we are going through with this mission. Look around, do you see any sort of cutting tool? A knife of some sort, or... MARSHALL: No. JACK: Look on the desk is there a letter opener? Marshall rummages through a drawer and finds one. MARSHALL: Yeah, got it. Why? JACK: You have to cut out Ulrich's eyes. MARSHALL: Oh my god. He looks shocked and shakes his head slowly. JACK: The biometric scanner in the basement operates off Ulrich's retinas. MARSHALL: No. No, I-I-I- JACK: You don't have time to get his body into the basement. MARSHALL: Mr. Bristow. No, I can't do that. I'm sorry. JACK: (firmly) Yes you can... I'll talk you through it. MARSHALL: (whispers) Okay. Marshall spins Ulrich's chair around to face him. MARSHALL: Alright. Sydney is walking through the nightclub now and approaches a guard. He puts his hand on her shoulder to stop her and she smiles sweetly before twisting his arm and knocking him out. Then she proceeds on her way, fighting more men and obtaining a gun. Marshall, letter opener in hand, stands in front of Urich. MARSHALL: I'm- I'm ready. JACK: You have to go under the eye and sever the optic nerve. Brace the head, the bundle is denser than you think it's going to be. MARSHALL: Okay. He- here we go. We see the back of Ulrich's head as Marshall grunts and digs the weapon into his eyes, liquid like noisescan be heard. MARSHALL: Oh god. It's oozing. It's oozing everywhere, sir. JACK: That means you've ruptured the macula, the eye is useless. Abandon it. Approach the second one gently, like a soft-boiled egg. You're going to need a digging instrument to assist with this. Marshall pulls something else from the drawer. MARSHALL: I've got a spork. JACK: What's a spork? Jack and Vaughn just look at each other as Marshall explains. MARSHALL: It's like a half-spoon... half-fork, will that do? JACK: That will work. Marshall unwraps the plastic utensil. MARSHALL: (breathing heavily) Okay. Okay. Okay. He throws the wrapper to the floor and grabs Ulrich's head and begins to dig again. MARSHALL: Alright... soft-boiled egg. He grunts some more and is totally repulsed as the eye comes out, cradled on the spork. He carefully puts the spork on the desk and empties a case of the glasses inside and puts the eyeball inside and closes is. MARSHALL: Done. There's a know at the door and a man asks something in German. The door opens and Marshall is ready with a weapon. He hits the man on the head from behind and he fals to the ground. Sydney gets there just in time. SYDNEY: Come on. Elevator doors open and they step out, Sydney has her gun poised. They work their way around the basement to get to the biometric scanner. Marshall hands Sydney the case with the eye. MARSHALL: Here, you do it. I can't look at it anymore. Sydney takes the case, opens it, and takes out the eye. She holds it up to the scanner and two men with guns come out of the elevator. The scanner is done and they run off. Sydney sees the men and takes one out the other shoots back and Marshall is working away at a computer. SYDNEY: (shouting) How much time do you need?! MARSHALL: 15 seconds! The guy shoots at Sydney and she fires off a few more shots. VAUGHN: Marshall. It's working. There's more shooting until Sydney runs out of ammo. SYDNEY: I'm out! MARSHALL: Syd! Marshall tosses her the cell phone and she gets a shot off into the guy's stomach and he collapses to the ground. MARSHALL: Got it! Sydney tosses the cell phone gun back to Marshall and makes her way back through the basement, collecting the gun from the most recently shot man, and makes sure the coast is clear. VAUGHN: Okay. We've got a location on the bomb. Hong Kong. I'm alerting the local CIA offices now. Marshall walks slowly towards Sydney. JACK: Sydney? Are you and Marshall alright? Satisfied that they are safe, she tucks her gun in the back waist of her pants and goes to Marshall. SYDNEY: We're fine. Back in LA... SLOANE: The Ministry of Security confirmed the seizure of a *couldn't tell what it was called* bomb in downtown Hong Kong, they've expressed their gratitude to Langley. Third Faction's operation extended far beyond our original estimate. The hard drive that Marshall downloaded contained hundreds of names of contacts throughout Europe and Asia, which we will have to confirm. All the team at APO takes notes. SLOANE: Start with all arms related activity, don't limit your parameters to chemical Dixon walks in, hands bandaged. All eyes are on him. DIXON: So, where are we? Dixon sits down and Sloane begins to fill him in. SLOANE: Third Faction had few political affiliations. Their primary interest was maximizing profit of the terrorist activities. The camera pulls back and the volume decreases as the scene fades out. [SCENE_BREAK] We see a rain soaked street and a then pan up to a car pulling up to a house. Sydney and Marshall sit in the car a few minutes to chat before he gets out. Carrie is seen in the window holding Mitchell. Marshall turns his head towards Sydney, he's smiling sadly. MARSHAL: These are not the clothes I left the house in; what do I tell Carrie? SYDNEY: Maybe you had spare clothes at the office. He shakes his head as he looks out the window at the house. MARSHALL: I hate lying to her, Syd. Syd, I hate lying to Carrie. SYDNEY: I know. MARSHALL: It's part of the job though, right? SYDNEY: Well, you could tell her the truth. That you had to cut out a man's eyes to save the world. MARSHALL: Yeah, I could tell her that. Probably be best just to keep that between us. And I didn't save the world... exactly. Just Hong Kong. SYDNEY: You saved me. MARSHALL: Yeah... All in a day's work. Sydney looks at him for a second, then smiles, which he returns and unlatches his seatbelt. MARSHALL: Anyway. You want to come in, get some dinner with us? SYDNEY: (laughs) Yeah. And how would we explain that I drove you home? MARSHALL: I don't know, we can think of something. I mean- we're quick on our feet. We're spies. SYDNEY: Thank you. But... I need to go away to the train station. There's someone I need to see. MARSHALL: Yeah. I know the feeling. He goes to open the door to get out but turns around once more. MARSHALL: See you tomorrow. SYDNEY: Okay. He gets out of the car underneath an umbrella. MARSHALL: Bye. He closes the door and goes into the house. Carrie greets him at the door, Mitchell on hip and Sydney drives away. [SCENE_BREAK] Sydney sits on a train station bench waiting for her someone. Her head is turned to the right and doesn't ee him approach, she turns her head to see a smiling Vaughn with his hand held out to her. She warmly returns the smile and takes his hand and rises from her spot on the bench. He twirls her gently under his arm and they hold each other and dance slowly in the train station. Vaughn rests his face against hers and she laces her arms around his neck, a wide grin on her face. They sweetly gaze into the other's eyes and Sydney's happiness never fades. As the rest in each other's embrace, they romantically dance us to the end of the show.

Plan: A: The episode; Q: What begins in Havana? A: The information; Q: What does Sydney get from the informant? A: Sydney's taxi driver; Q: Who is shot and captured? A: the informant's boss; Q: Who captures Sydney? A: the head; Q: What part of the informant's body was shot? A: a coffin; Q: What was Sydney buried in? A: Third Faction; Q: What group booby-trapped the hard drive? A: releases cyclosarin; Q: What does the hard drive release? A: the hard drive; Q: What was recovered from the locker? A: APO; Q: What organization goes into lockdown mode? A: lockdown mode; Q: What mode does APO go into after the release of the nerve agent? A: thirty-six hours; Q: How long does APO go into lockdown mode? A: Marshall; Q: Who is the only person not affected by the lockdown? A: a transceiver; Q: What did Marshall use to locate Sydney's cell phone? A: Berlin; Q: Where is the man who gave them the phony hard drive located? A: the phony hard drive; Q: What was the hard drive that Sydney and Marshall were given? A: a remote scanner; Q: What does Marshall use to scan the man's eyes? A: Jack; Q: Who instructs Marshall on how to remove the man's eyes? A: the man's eyes; Q: What does Jack tell Marshall to remove from the man? A: a firewall; Q: What does Marshall have to deactivate in the basement? A: an NSA employee; Q: What is Marshall's wife's occupation? A: NSA; Q: What agency does Marshall's wife work for? Summary: The episode begins in Havana. Sydney rendezvous an informant by dancing with him. The information he gives is relayed to Dixon and leads to the recovery of a hard drive from a locker. Later, Sydney's taxi driver is shot and she is captured by the informant's boss. The informant is shot in the head and Sydney is subsequently buried alive in a coffin, in the middle of a graveyard. The hard drive turns out to have been booby-trapped by Third Faction. When inspected it detonates and releases cyclosarin. The biological nerve agent infects Dixon as he attempted to aid the technician who was inspecting the hard drive. Due to the release of the nerve agent, APO goes into lockdown mode for thirty-six hours. Marshall, late for work, arrives at the parking lot only to be informed that they're in lockdown mode and that Sydney is trapped in a coffin somewhere in Cuba. Sydney is able to communicate with her cell phone that she still had. Because Marshall is the only one not affected by the lockdown, he is sent to Havana to find the graveyard where Sydney is buried; using a transceiver he rigged to locate her cell phone and retasking a thermal imaging satellite, Marshall finds Sydney unconscious, but alive. Marshall and Sydney's mission is extended to Berlin where the man who gave them the phony hard drive is located. Since the man knows what Sydney looks like, Marshall is sent in to get a copy of the data using a remote scanner. Marshall accidentally shoots and kills him. Over the phone, Jack instructs Marshall on how to remove the man's eyes (using a spork) so that he can access a security station in the basement and deactivate a firewall. After doing so, Sydney and Marshall rendezvous and finally obtain a real copy of the hard drive, which they deliver to APO. In the middle of it all, Marshall must sing his baby to sleep by phone with a song about the Lanthanide series. Though his wife is an NSA employee, he can never tell her where he has been.

Scene: Webcam conversation between Bernadette's Office and the International Space Station Howard: Hey, Bernie. Bernadette: Hey, how's my little astronautie hottie? Howard: Okay, I guess. It's just, being cooped up in this tin can for weeks on end is starting to get to me. Bernadette: Well, hang in there. You just have a couple more days to go, and then you'll be home. Howard: I know. Bernadette: I got to get back to work. I love you. Howard: Love you too. Hey, Bernie? Before you go, can you do something for me? Bernadette: What do you want me to do? Howard: Okay, here it is. I really miss gravity. Can you drop something so I can watch it fall? Bernadette: Really, you're serious? Okay. (Drops a pencil) Howard: Oh, baby, you're killing me. Scene: The apartment. Penny enters, carrying a box. Penny: Ugh. Hey, Sheldon? Hi. This came for you today. It's from your mom. Sheldon: Oh, thank you, Penny. Penny: M-hmm. Sheldon: Yeah, wait, here. For your troubles. Penny: Oh, boy, a whole dollar. Now, I can quit my paper route. So, what's in it? Leonard: Mmm, doesn't matter. Half the time, he just ends up playing with the box. Sheldon: Yeah, it's journals and research papers I wrote as a child. Penny: Aw, how cute. Is this like a diary? Sheldon: No, that's my potty training journal. Penny: Really, your potty training journal? Sheldon: Yeah. And forgive my crude penmanship. I didn't start typing until I was six. Penny: August 7, 8:42 a.m. This is humiliating. What was wrong with diapers? Sheldon: There are some charts in the back where I kept track of shape, colour and consistency. Penny: Oh, disgusting. Leonard: No, what's disgusting is he's still keeping track. Penny: Why do you need all this stuff? Leonard: No, no, no, no. Penny: Sorry! Sheldon: I am glad you asked. Are you familiar with the Higgs boson? Penny: Of course, it is, it's been in the news. And it's a very famous boson. Sheldon: Nice try. Now, in 1964, Dr. Peter Higgs, accomplished self-promoter and physicist, he wrote a paper postulating the existence of a subatomic particle called the Higgs boson. Now, initially the paper was rejected, but recently, he was proven right, and now he's on the fast track to win a Nobel prize. Penny: Yeah, that's basically what I said. Sheldon: Yeah, the point is Higgs is being celebrated for work he did 50 years ago, so that got me thinking, perhaps I've already hit upon the idea that will win me my Nobel prize. Leonard: I didn't know they gave Nobel prizes for making boom-boom in the potty. Penny: You really think there's some kind of scientific discovery in here? Sheldon: Well, this box only covers my work through nursery school. There's a good deal more to come. I didn't really hit my academic stride until I cut out that time-suck known as playing outdoors. Leonard: So, you're going to spend hours and hours combing through all this stuff? Sheldon: That's a good point. My time is much too valuable. You know, perhaps I should find someone to do it for me. You know, someone with a rudimentary understanding of science, but whose real talents lie in menial labour. Leonard: Not gonna happen. Sheldon: Well, if I didn't think you could handle it, I wouldn't be asking. Leonard: If you want help, just hire a grad student. Penny: Maybe I could do it. Sheldon: You, really? You can assess the quality of my work? Okay, um, here. I wrote this when I was five years old. Penny: A proof that algebraic topology can never have a non self-contradictory set of abelion groups. I'm just a blonde monkey to you, aren't I? Sheldon: You said it, not me. Credits sequence. Scene: Sheldon's office. Sheldon: All right, Ms. Jenson. Uh, before we begin, may I offer you a refreshment? Water, coffee, tea, a marijuana cigarette? Ms Jenson: No, thanks. I'm fine. Sheldon: Now, are you sure? Everyone's smoking them. I think they're the best. Ms Jenson: I don't do drugs. Sheldon: Excellent, yeah. That was a ruse. They're not the best. Physics is the best. And by the way, coffee was also an unacceptable choice. All right, so I see here you're from Des Moines, Iowa. Uh, you're summa cum laude in theoretical physics from Stanford University. Oh, and two years ago, you had a persistent ear infection. I hope that didn't cause any hearing loss. Ms Jenson: No, of course not. How did you know about that? Sheldon: I did a comprehensive background check. Medical records, credit reports, criminal history. (Hiding mouth behind book) I trust you paid off those parking tickets. Ms Jenson: Yes, I did. Sheldon: Hearing unimpaired, good. Ms Jenson: Look, Dr. Cooper, I really want this position. It would be an incredible honour to work for a man of your brilliance. Sheldon: Flattery will not get you this job, Ms. Jenson. Ms Jenson: It's not flattery if it's the truth. Sheldon: Oh, well, thank you. Welcome aboard. Scene: A University corridor. Leonard: You talk to Howard lately? Raj: Uh, yeah, last night. He kept making me drop pencils for him. I got uncomfortable. (Entering Sheldon's office) Hey, Sheldon, hope you're hungry, they're serving macaroni and... (spots Ms Jenson) che-ee-ee-ese. Leonard: Smooth. Hi. Ms Jenson: Hello. Leonard: Sheldon, aren't you going to introduce us? Sheldon: No. I have people for that now. You're up. Ms Jenson: I'm Alex, Dr. Cooper's new assistant. Leonard: Ah, congratulations and may God have mercy on your soul. I'm Leonard. This is Raj. Alex: It's nice to meet you. I'm so excited to be working with Dr... Sheldon: Yeah, please reserve chitchat for your breaks, Ms. Jenson. FYI, there will be no breaks. Alex: I should probably get to work. Leonard: She seems nice. Raj: Hey, you already got a girlfriend. I call dibs. Leonard: All I said was she seems nice. Raj: Yeah, well, I love her. Scene: Webcam conversation between Bernadette's Office and the International Space Station Bernadette: Hey, I wasn't expecting to hear from you today. Everything okay? Howard: Uh, no, not really. Bernadette: What's wrong? Howard: Well, remember the Soyuz capsule they were sending to bring us home? Bernadette: Uh-huh. Howard: It's delayed. We're gonna be here at least another week. Maybe ten days. It's the Russians, so you don't know. They left dogs up here in the sixties. Bernadette: Come on, Howard. No one's leaving you up there. Howard: I don't know how much longer I can take this. I can't sleep, and zero gravity is giving me crazy acid reflux. I'm down to my last three Tums. Bernadette: You're going to be fine. You survived that Weight Watchers cruise with your mom. And they ran out of low-fat ice cream on day two. Just calm down and take a few deep breaths. Howard: Okay, okay. What am I doing? I'm using up all the oxygen. If I die, promise you'll never have s*x with another man. Scene: Penny's apartment. Amy is applying very red lip gloss. Amy: Oh, yeah. I'm a man-eater now. Penny: Okay, for the final touch, this is an eyelash curler. You just place it on your lashes and squeeze it closed. Amy: Oh, I don't know. Looks like something used by Tinkerbell's gynecologist. Penny: Who I hope for her sake is not Captain Hook, so... who are you calling? Amy: I'm going to video-chat Sheldon. If my new look leads to phone s*x, I'm going to have to ask you to leave the room. Alex: Dr. Cooper's office. Amy: Oh, hello. Who are you? Alex: I'm Alex, Dr. Cooper's assistant. Can I help you? Amy: I'd like to speak to Sheldon. Alex: I'm sorry. He's asked me to hold all calls unless you're Stephen Hawking, his mother or himself from the future. Amy: All right. Well, tell him Amy called. Alex: Last name? Amy: He knows my last name. I'm his girlfriend. We have a contract and everything. I'll send you a PDF. Alex: All right, I will tell him you called. Amy: Hmm, that's weird. Penny: What? Amy: Sheldon told me he had a new assistant named Alex. He didn't mention that Alex was a girl. Penny: Maybe he didn't notice. Amy: You're right. I don't have to worry about Sheldon. Penny: No, you do not. Amy: It's her I have to worry about. Penny: Oh, Amy, really? She is not going to come on to Sheldon. Amy: Oh, really? Look at this face (Sheldon's picture on phone) How can any woman spend eight hours a day alone with this face and not fall in love with it? Penny: Well, for starters, at some point, that face starts talking. Scene: University corridor. Penny: Amy, this is crazy. You have nothing to be suspicious about. Amy: I'm not suspicious. I just want to stop in, say hi to my boyfriend and meet his new assistant. (Throwing open Sheldon's office door) Aha! Penny: Can we go now? Amy: Hang on. (Rubs Sheldon's telephone receiver under her armpit) Penny: What are you doing? Amy: Isn't it obvious? I'm spreading my scent to mark my territory. Penny: Come on, Amy. That is not gonna work. Amy: Really? Because just before you became my best friend, I did this all over your apartment. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The cafeteria. Raj: Has your, uh, assistant said anything about me? Sheldon: Oh, in fact, she has. Uh, her exact words were, what is that guy's problem? Raj: I'm in her head. Let the dance begin. Alex: Here's your frozen yoghurt, Dr. Cooper. Leonard: This should be fun. Sheldon: Half chocolate, half vanilla, side by side, not swirled? Alex: Yes. Sheldon: Half a teaspoon of sprinkles? Alex: Rainbow, not chocolate. Sheldon: Two cherries? Alex: One on top, one on the bottom. Sheldon: Stems removed? Alex: Um, top one, yes. I didn't check the one on the bottom. Leonard: Oh! Alex: I'm so sorry, Dr. Cooper. Sheldon: It's all right, Alex. I'm not mad at you, I'm just disappointed. Leonard: Wait, Alex. Do you want to join us? Alex: Um... Sheldon: Uh, Alex, a moment. I need a word with Dr. Hofstadter. Do you think it's appropriate for her to sit with us, given her station? Leonard: Given her what? Sheldon: If I've learned anything from British television shows on PBS, it's that servants dine downstairs with their own kind. Leonard: What? Sheldon: It's a kindness, Leonard. Otherwise, you're cruelly tempting them with a glimpse of a world that's just beyond their soot-stained fingertips. Leonard: Oh, sure. Please join us. Alex: Oh, okay. Thank you. Leonard: So, Alex, what's the topic of your dissertation? Alex: I'm looking for Trojan asteroids at Earth's L-Five Lagrange point. Leonard: Oh, that happens to be Dr. Koothrappali's field of expertise. You two have a lot to talk about. Alex: Is that true? Is he all right? Leonard: No. But compared to your boss, he's the poster boy for sanity. Alex: It's okay, I've been around scientists all my life. My dad's an astronomer at SETI. Leonard: Oh, SETI, the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence. You should introduce him to Sheldon. The search is over. Alex: So, what kind of research are you doing? Leonard: High-energy lasers. Alex: Ooh. Military? Leonard: Not yet, but I can remove unwanted hair from two miles away. Amy (to Penny, on other side of room): You were right. I had nothing to worry about. That skank's your problem, not mine. Alex: You're very funny, Dr. Hofstadter. Leonard: Thank you. Sheldon (choking): Cherry stem! Cherry stem! Scene: Webcam conversation between Bernadette's Office and the International Space Station Bernadette: How you doing, Howie? You feeling a little better? Howard: Oh, a lot better, thanks. One sec. Listen close, I don't have a lot of time. I need you to go to my house. In my bedroom, you'll find a model rocket. I want you to take it and bring it back to your place. Bernadette: Okay. Howard: Step two, build a version roughly fourteen stories high. Fill it full of rocket fuel and come get me. I'll leave the door unlocked. Bernadette: Howie, honey, maybe you should talk to someone, let them know you're having a little anxiety. Howard: No, no, I'm fine. No anxiety. We should probably talk in code. From now on, frog is me, sandwich means you and lemon means rocket. So, come on, sandwich, build me a lemon 'cause froggy wants to come home. Scene: Penny's car. Amy: Look at you, putting on a brave face. Penny: There's nothing to be brave about. Everything's fine. Amy: Really? I don't know how much you know about primate behaviour, but Sheldon's assistant was clearly courting Leonard. Were she a mandrill, she would have bent over and displayed her brightly coloured hindquarters like a big red welcome mat. By the way, you try that at the junior prom, you get kicked out. Penny: Okay, maybe she was flirting with him, but who cares? Look, I don't even know where my relationship is with Leonard is right now. Amy: So says your prefrontal cortex. But meanwhile, the limbic system of your brain is calculating that if another woman is attracted to Leonard, it must be because he's desirable. Penny: Well, of course he's desirable. I mean, he's great. He's smart, he's sweet, and, ooh, in the bedroom, whew, let me tell you, he really tries. Amy: So it does bother you. Penny: Fine, it bothers me a little. No. You know what? This is stupid. It doesn't bother me. Okay, it bothers me. But only because she wouldn't stop laughing. Leonard is not that funny. Amy: And there you have it, prefrontal cortex reasoning versus limbic lust. If this were a boxing match, they might call it the thrilla adjacent to the amygdala. If you were a brain scientist, you would be busting a gut right now. Scene: The apartment. Penny: So, how was work today? Leonard: Ah, it was all right, I guess. Got to Heimlich a cherry stem out of Sheldon. Caught Raj right in the eye. Penny: Oh! You're kidding. Leonard: No, Raj had to go to the nurse. Penny: Wow. Anything else? Leonard: Mmm, the nurse is a woman, so he couldn't talk to her. She had to bring him a Grover puppet so he could point at what hurt. Penny: Oh, is that it? Leonard: Isn't that enough? It had the weaponised fruit and a puppet. What more do you want? Sheldon (arriving with Alex): Oh, good, Leonard, you're here. Science news. This will interest you. And, Penny, feel free to paint your nails. Leonard: What do you got? Sheldon: I believe Alex may have unearthed the grade school science project that could be my ticket to the Nobel Prize. Behold. Leonard: Magnets: What Do They Stick To? If the answer is metal, it's not exactly groundbreaking. Sheldon: The original title was "A Rederivation of Maxwell's Equations Regarding Electromagnetism"" I dumbed it down because some of the more religious people in town were starting to say I was a witch. Alex: Sheldon thinks the approach in this paper might change the way we calculate ferromagnetic hysteresis. Penny: Oh, it's about time. I hated the old way. Hi. I'm Penny. Alex: Alex. Uh, do you work with Dr. Hofstadter? Penny: In a way. We've kind of been involved in a five-year experiment. Alex: Oh. Well, you're lucky. He seems very talented. And I'm sure a lot of people want to work with him. Penny: Well, a lot of people can't. Uh, hey. Leonard: Where are we going? Penny: My limbic system wants to take your pants off. Alex: She seems nice. Sheldon: Notice people on your own time. We're working. Scene: Webcam conversation between Bernadette's Office and the International Space Station Bernadette: Hey, Howie, how you feeling? Howard: Better. Much better. The other astronauts held me down, gave me a shot. Oooh. Attention, people of Earth. Tonight, there will be two moons in the sky. Bernadette: Howie, stop that. NASA's watching this! Put your pants back on! Howard: Whee! Whee!

Plan: A: home; Q: Where does Sheldon have his childhood scientific notebooks sent from? A: Nobel Prize material; Q: What does Sheldon hope to find in his childhood notebooks? A: attractive female grad student Alex Jensen; Q: Who does Sheldon hire to read his notebooks? A: Amy; Q: Who is jealous of Alex? A: Penny; Q: Who introduces herself to Alex? A: no interest; Q: What is Penny's opinion of Alex's interest in Sheldon? A: the Caltech cafeteria; Q: Where does Alex flirt with Leonard? A: sex; Q: What does Penny drag Leonard to her apartment for? A: Earth; Q: Where does Howard want to return to? A: Soyuz capsule; Q: What is the name of the return capsule? A: nonsense; Q: What does Howard talk when he has "space dementia"? A: a sedative; Q: What did the other astronauts give Howard? A: his pants; Q: What does Howard remove in microgravity? Summary: Sheldon has his childhood scientific notebooks sent from home, hoping to discover Nobel Prize material in them. Having no time to read the notebooks himself, he hires attractive female grad student Alex Jensen to do so. When Amy finds out about Alex, she is jealous and inspects Sheldon's office despite Penny's insistence that Alex has no interest in him. Amy and Penny later see Alex flirting with Leonard in the Caltech cafeteria, now making Penny jealous. Amy points out that though Penny is unsure of her feelings for Leonard, subconsciously the thought of him with another woman bothers her. Penny gradually realizes Amy may be right. After finding an elementary school project of Sheldon's with Nobel potential, Alex visits him at home where Penny and Leonard are. Penny introduces herself to Alex (with Penny subtly hinting that Leonard is hers) then drags Leonard to her apartment for sex. Meanwhile, a homesick Howard wants to return to Earth as soon as possible. When the return Soyuz capsule is delayed, he suffers anxiety attacks, cabin fever, and "space dementia" (i.e. he talks nonsense). The other astronauts give him a sedative which relaxes him but also makes him remove his pants and windmill in microgravity.

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] [On campus] Rusty : I want to rush a fraternity. Casey : You're not fraternity material. [In Rusty's room] Dale : I mean, who would choose to hang with a bunch of drunkards whose goal in life is to fornicate on as many vapid sorority girls as possible? Rusty : That's pretty unfair ! Dale: I'm gonna pray for you Rusty ! [At Kappa Tau's, after rush night] Cappie : Rusty Cartwright ? Wade : The spitter ? Cappie : I say he's in, does anybody have a problem with that ? [At Omega Chi's, rush night] Evan : You're Casey's little brother. Rusty : How do you know ? Evan : I'm her boyfriend, I'm Evan. [At ZBZ's] Casey : I found out you had s*x with Evan Chambers. Rebecca : I did, rush night, and it was amazing ! Casey : Evan Chambers is my boyfriend ... Rebecca : How awkward for you ! Casey : So what do I do ? Frannie : You do what you need to do to make it right in your mind. [In Cappie's room] Cappie : How about some breakfast ! Casey : Later Cap'. Cappie : Oh, we're not gonna cuddle ? [In the street] Rusty : You're staying with him Casey : Don't you dare judge me ! Rusty : I just wanna be part of your life. [In Calvin's room] Calvin : I'm not gay, we're just drunk ! [At ZBZ's] Ashleigh : Who sent it ? Casey : I bet it's from Rebecca ! Ash : She didn't do this someone else is holding the camera ! I'll delete it ! Casey : No wait Rebecca : You really wanna start this ? Casey : It's already started, get your crap out of my room, little sis'. [SCENE_BREAK] [At KT's] Rusty : Hey ! Cappie : Spitter, on a school night ? What the library burnt down ? Rusty : I finished tonight's program set in a record time, so I'm here to let loose. Cappie : You're in luck, my sandwich and I were just about to watch the last half of the game, care to join us ? Rusty : I'm in ! Cappie : Alright let's do it ! Zoinks ! Looks like we're gonna have to wait about ... 12 minutes. Game of pool ? Rusty : Sure. Cappie : Well, looks like, you pledges, are gonna have to steam clean that later ! Rusty : What, is everyone hooking up tonight ? [In Evan's room] Casey : I had a really nice time tonight. Evan : Me too. But you know, the night is not over yet. Casey : How, How about I change into something a little more comfortable ? Evan : Be my guest. Casey : Much better ! Oh, Frasier's on. Credits [At Omega Chi's] Casey : Brotherhood of Omega Chi Delta, the sisterhood of Zeta Beta Zeta would like to introduce our new pledge class ! Pledge : (singing) Zeta Betas, Zeta Betas prim and proper, fair and right our sisterhood invites you to a mixer Friday night Casey : Back in formation pledges ! Ash : Omega Chi Delta, the sisterhood of Zeta Beta Zeta would like to offer you the privilege of mixing with us Friday night. Evan : Well men what do you think ? Everyone : Yeah ! Evan : I believe that's a yes. Ash : Then I guess we'll see you Friday night ! Casey : I'd say that went well. Frannie : Case can you tell the blonde one that Zeta Beta Zetas shave everyday. Her armpits look like Colin Farrell's chin. Oh Hey Blake ! Evan : There's my Zeta Beta babe. Casey : I need to get back to pledges. [At KT's] Cappie : So, if anyone knows who Sarah is, please let Ferret know. All right, next item on the agenda. D...Func...Fri... Does anybody know what that means ? Wade : Oh, Date Function Friday ! Cappie : That's it ! Our first Date Function of the year is Friday. That gives you, nutbags, 3 days to find a date. But pledges, don't worry, you won't be "judged" by how hot your date is. (He laughs) We prefer the term evaluated. [At OC's] Guy : Man, those ZBZ girls were hot ! Man, did you see the redhead ? what I wouldn't give- Calvin : Guys, can we just get this done. Evan : Goats, need a volunteer. (Everyone raises his hand) Evan : Hold on. Hear what it is first. I need someone to be the Zeta Beta errand boy this week. I'm not talking about panty raids and pillow fights, all right, this job will suck, you gotta help them plan the mixer, shop, decorate, all that girl stuff. All right, who's willing ? (Only Calvin raises his hand) Pledge Owens, should have known my little brother would volunteer. Way to take one for the team. Calvin : Pledging's all about sacrifice. [In Casey's room] (She's watching Evan and Rebecca video, while someone's knocking at the door) Casey : Come in ! Frannie : Hey, speed bump ! Casey : I'm ready. Frannie : Hum, we're going to a bar, not a bake sale. Wear this. Casey : I'm worried I'll get cold... Frannie : Exactly then Evan gives you his jacket to keep you warm. Casey : But Evan may not wear a jacket and besides I'm probably not staying over anyway so I'll have to walk home without it. Frannie : Wait, you're not staying over ? Casey : I've got a crazy day tomorrow. Frannie : You two aren't having s*x, are you ? Casey : Frannie, that's kind of personal. Frannie : Casey, we're sisters. I've noticed you've been really tense, like it's been a while. I know that look, when Blake got the flu I was a raving bitch. Casey : I just haven't been in the mood. Frannie : Look, I know deciding to stay with Evan was difficult, but it's done. Now you gotta try to get back to normal. Normal couples do it. Casey : I didn't realise how hard it would be. Frannie : Well, if it helps you, you can think about how you're helping your sorority. Casey : The Sorority ? Frannie : The sluts at Tri Pi have been circling him like hyenas in heat., we cannot afford to lose him. Oh come on little miss Mopey. It's not like I'm telling you to kill poppies ! You still have feelings for him right ? Casey : Of course. Frannie : Then, wear this ! [In Rusty's room] Calvin : So you need a date for friday, I don't see what the big deal is. Rusty : For the rest of the house it isn't. Girls are all they talk about. Calvin : Oh men, I'm with you, I'm so sick of hearing guys talk about getting laid ! Dale : Calvin, I could not agree more, I mean, when is the greek system gonna realise that s*x before marriage is like slapping God in the face ! Calvin : Not exactly what I meant ! (to rusty) Why don't you ask one of the brothers to set you up ? Rusty : I'm already spitter, the kid who can't drink tequila. Imagine what they'll call me when they'll realise I've never been on a date before ! Calvin : What ? Dale : What ? Calvin : How is this possible ? Rusty : You saw my small talk skills during rush and adding breasts to that scenario, it just makes things a lot worse. (to Dale) You've been on a date ? Dale : Yeah, tons of them, I'm a virgin not a leper. Rusty, I think I may have the answer to your problem. Rusty : Really Dale, enlighten me ! Dale : The purity pledge organisation. Rusty : What is it ? Dale : The fastest growing abstinence group in the country ! From a group of believers who pledged to save ourselves for marriage. Calvin : I guess there's a lot of secret handshakes ? Dale : No, actually we were rings. The symbol of my promise. Cool, huh ? Hey, you should come to my friday night rap group we talk girls, sin, temptation, a lot of fun stuff like that. Rusty : I appreciate the invitation but I think I'll pass. Dale : Okay, but just remember, your virginity is a precious gift from God. Rusty : Got it, thanks. (to Calvin) You have to help me ! Calvin : Look, I'd love to teach you about the ladies, but I've gotta help the Zeta Betas plan Friday for mixer. Speaking of Zeta Betas, why don't you ask Casey ? She knows a house full of girls ! Rusty : I was hoping I wouldn't have to come to that. [At Dobler's] Ashleigh : So Casey, you doing okay ? Casey : I'm doing good ! Ashleigh : So that major weirdness between you and Evan today was just my imagination ? Come on Case, you're my best friend ! Evan : There's my girl ! Oh, I'm sorry. Casey : It's OK. Just excuse me a minute. Ashleigh : Looks like, she's cleaning up another of your messes. Evan : Look Ashleigh, I screwed up. All right, I realize that and I'm trying to fix it. Ashleigh : Oh, how's that going for you? Evan : To be honest, I feel like everything I do, I'm just making it worse. Ashleigh : Do you really want to be with her? Evan : I do. She's the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Ashleigh : OK, you've gotta win her back. Evan : And just who am I competing against? Ashleigh : Evan, the skeezy dirtbag cheater. That's who she sees right now. That Evan bites. You need to reintroduce her to the Evan she fell in love with. Evan : OK. How do I do that? Ashleigh : Simple. You've gotta rebuild your entire relationship from the ground up. Show her that you respect her, that you desire her, and that she can trust you. You've got to court her all over again. Evan : All right. All right. Yeah, I can do that. Ashleigh : And that means no s*x. Evan : Why not? Ashleigh : Cause she's not ready. And I don't care what she says, she's not gonna be ready until she feels safe with you again. So for now, you're McDreamy, not McSteamy. Evan : All right. All right. I got it. How are you defining... Ashleigh : Anything below the neck. Casey : Looks like I got most of it out. Frannie : Hopefully you won't be wearing it much longer, right? Casey : Right. I'm back. Evan : Oh, hey. There she is. Oh, wow, you look stunning. Look at that. I'm sorry about your drink. I wanna make it up to you. Casey : And how are you gonna do that? Evan : I'm going to take you out to dinner tomorrow night. Casey : But wh... what about tonight? Evan : I've... I've got a headache. It's up here. It's a bad headache. And, you know, besides, tomorrow night I can have you all to myself. It's good stuff. Casey : OK. Evan : Yeah. So, I'll...pick you up at seven. Casey : OK. Evan : OK. All right. All right. I'll see you tomorrow. Rusty : Hey, Casey. Casey : What's up? The library burn down? Rusty : I go other places, you know. I need a favor. Casey : It's happy hour. You'd better need a kidney. Rusty : I have to find a date for my date function Friday. Please set me up with one of your sisters? (she laughs) Casey: Oh, you're serious. Rusty : Casey, I have nowhere else to go. Casey : OK. Meet me at the house tomorrow morning. Rusty : All right. (he tries to hug her) Casey : Whoa. Whoa. Let's, uh... let's start with high-fives, work up to hugs. Rusty : Tomorrow morning, then. Casey : Tomorrow morning. [At ZBZ's] Ashleigh : Hear ye, hear ye. The Social Committee meeting is now in session. You may notice we have a boy in our midst. This is our Omega Chi pledge. He's gonna be doing all the crap for the mixer we don't want to. Say hi, Pledge. Calvin : Hi. Ashleigh : OK, back to business. It is now time to announce the mixer theme. Now I have thought long and hard about this. I have come up with something truly monumental. The theme for the mixer will be... wait for it... Pimps and Hos! (They're disappointed) Frannie : That was the theme for the last three mixers, Ashleigh. Ashleigh : Because everyone loves it! Frannie : No, you love it. The rest of us are over dressing like hookers. What else do you have? Ashleigh : How about a graffiti mixer? Calvin : I have an idea. Frannie : Did he just speak? Calvin : Um, I was thinking military mixer? Think about it, a room full of hot guys in uniform. And girls, of course. Ashleigh : We'll call it the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" mixer! (They all agree) All right, meeting adjourned. Pledge, let's go shopping. Calvin : Uh, I have a name, you know. Ashleigh : I'm sure you do. [On campus] Rusty : I don't know, Casey. This just isn't my style. Casey : Then we're on the right track! Look girls are fickle. 82 % of our first impression is based on how you look. Rusty : Did you just quote a statistic? Casey : I'm Phi Beta Kappa in flirting. Trust me, this new look will get you noticed. Rusty : I bet Mom and Dad will notice when they get the credit card bill. Casey : Please, if your wardrobe isn't an emergency I don't know what is. Plus, I can walk next to you without feeling like I'm doing you a favor. Cappie : Morning, little lady. Evan. Rusty : Hey, Cappie. Cappie : Spitter? (to Casey) What have you done? Casey : The impossible, right? Look at how handsome he is. Cappie : Turning your brother into your boyfriend is kinda creepy, Case. Spitter, are you still in there? Rusty : OK, OK let's ease up on my face. Casey : He asked me to help him find a date for your date function. Now he actually stands a chance. Cappie : Did you ever stop to think what kind of girl this might attract? Casey : Uh, a girl with standards, perhaps? Cappie : Or maybe a girl who chooses style over substance. A girl who only cares about appearances. Would you want him in such an empty, soul-sucking relationship? Casey : I want my little brother to have what I have. A relationship that's deep and meaningful. With lots and lots of hot lovemaking. Come on, Rusty, let's go. Cappie : Rusty's coming with me. Casey : He asked me for help. Cappie : He looks like he's about to overdose on khaki. Spitter, you decide. Your sister or your brother? Rusty : I don't know, Casey. I'm sorry. This just isn't me. Casey : Fine. Good luck. You'll need it. Cappie : She means well. Now, where'd you park your yacht? [In a shop] Calvin : Check it out! Little army men. Ashleigh : And we need those why? Calvin : To make battle scenes in the bathrooms. With votives. Ambiance. Ashleigh : Wow. You're really into this. Calvin : Oh, no, no, no. I just think this mixer should be one for the records. We're the two best houses on campus, right? Ashleigh : Good point. I just wish my boyfriend would come up for it. Calvin : Long distance relationship, huh? Sounds hard. Ashleigh : What's hard is spending all this time planning mixers so that everyone else can hook up. What about you? Got a girlfriend? Calvin : Me? No. No, I just, uh... haven't met the right person yet. [In the street] Casey : Dinner was amazing. So what should we do now? Evan : Well, I've got the answer in my back pocket. Casey : I was hoping it was in your front pocket. (she looks in the pocket) Tickets? Evan : To the midnight showing of Gone with the Wind. Remember you said you've always wanted to see that? Casey : How... romantic. Evan : Yeah, come on. We don't want to be late. [On campus] Cappie : Ah, college. You can almost smell the raging hormones. Rusty : Really? Cappie : Well, you could, but the stench of your fear is a bit overpowering. Spitter, what are you so afraid of? Rusty : Rejection, humiliation and clowns. Cappie : Well, those are scary things. But let's try and maintain perspective. You're asking a girl out on a date. That's it. It may comfort you to know, when it comes to the softer s*x, I wasn't always gifted and talented. Rusty : Really? Cappie : Oh, yeah. Yeah. Fifth grade was a bitch. But I rose above it and so can you. Rusty : How? Cappie : It's simple. The secret to flirting, dating, and hooking up, it's all Biology. Rusty : Don't you mean Anatomy? Cappie : Spitter, can't you see I'm in lecture mode? Where was I? Ah, Biology. OK, there's this guy named Chuck Darwin. Now he proved that mankind has evolved over billions and trillions of years. Darwin showed that every aspect of human behavior has an evolutionary purpose. Right? Chatting up girls is in our genetic code. We're programmed to be able to do it. Why? So we can boink and make babies. It's survival of the flirtiest. Rusty : So you're saying I'm becoming extinct? Cappie : No, I'm saying evolution has made us good at this. You need to get out of your head and just trust your instincts. The ability to attract a female is hardwired into your DNA. Rusty : That actually makes scientific sense. Cappie : Of course it does. I was a Bio major once. Now let's go make Chucky D. proud. [At ZBZ's] Frannie : Looks like someone had a night of fiery passion. Casey : Someone did. Scarlett O'Hara. Frannie : Ooh, role-play. Kinky. Casey : No, no, Evan took me to a midnight movie. I'm starting to think he's the one avoiding sleeping with me. Frannie : Uh-oh. Casey : What? Frannie : This month's Mode. "Treating and Beating Cheating. " It says "Couples who don't reestablish their physical relationship within two weeks of infidelity have a 2.5 percent chance of long-term success. " Casey : Really? And why is that? Frannie : Because one person stops seeing the other in a sexual way. What if that's happened to Evan? Casey : That's ridiculous. Frannie : OK. Who do you think he fantasizes about when he's playing "solitaire?" Casey : Me? Frannie : I hope you're right. But his most recent naked memory is of Rebecca Logan. All I'm saying is, you have to reestablish your place as the object of his fantasies. Casey : As God as my witness, I will rock Evan's world tonight. (Ashleigh and Calvin walk in) Frannie : Ashleigh, if I find one drop of paint on the floor, I'll gut you. Have fun! Ashleigh : Calvin was just getting his backpack. Calvin : Uh, Calvin would be me. Ashleigh : Oh, I'm a dork. This is Casey. Calvin : Casey. Rusty's sister? Casey : Genetically speaking, yes. Calvin : Rusty's my man. Did you help him find a date? Casey : Let's just say we agreed to part ways. Calvin : Gotcha. Well, I should get going. This has been really fun, Ash. Nice break from alpha male fraternity life. Ashleigh : I had fun too. OK, OK, bye-bye. Calvin : Nice to meet you. Casey : You have a boyfriend! Ashleigh : Please, he's like my personal assistant. Plus, he's really into it, like planning, shopping, decorating, all that crap, but which is weird for a guy. At least, I've never met one who's into that stuff who isn't... Oh, my God! Casey : You mean he's... Ashleigh : Got a crush on me! Casey : Not where I thought you were going with that, but I see your point. So he fancies you. It's adorable. Ashleigh : It's anti-adorable! Did you forget Sam the Stalker Freshman year? Creepy Craig last semester? Casey : You do attract the crazies. Ashleigh : Right? I mean, I've seen this before. Soon, he's gonna be stealing locks of my hair and carving my name into his arm. I need to shut him down before this becomes drama! [At the Gym] Rusty : The date function is tonight. I don't think I have time to bulk up. Cappie : We're not here to work out. The gym is the ideal place to meet women. Rusty : How? How so? Cappie : Think about it, a totally non-threatening environment all filled with women in tight clothes, all high on endorphins. Chuck Darwin would call this the Galapagos Islands of dating. Now, let's find you a friend. Ooh, good choice. Make me proud. Oh, remember, trust your instincts. Rusty : The small ones give the best burn. Your biceps are very bulbous. Girl : Is that an insult? Rusty : No! No, not at all! Bulbous is an adjective meaning bulging. Girl : Oh. Thanks. Rusty : I have one of those word of the day calendars. That was today's word. And when I saw your arms I thought, "what a perfect opportunity to use it in a sentence. " ... Ouch. (Rusty and Cappie go out of the gym) Cappie : Well, at least it's just bruised. Rusty : My toe or my ego? Cappie : Lucky for you, I was a Psych major once. I've diagnosed your condition, while more serious than I thought, there is a cure. Rusty : Really? What's the matter with me? Cappie : You're suffering from virginitis. Rusty : What makes you think I'm a virgin? (Cappie laughs) Cappie: Rusty, this is serious. Right now your innocence is cute and endearing, but if left untreated, your 30's will not be pretty. Rusty : It's not that big of a deal! Cappie : Oh, boy. Look. In your virgin mind, women are like these mythical creatures. Like unicorns, with breasts. But let me tell you something, that's a myth. Women are just normal people with breasts. You need to have s*x with one so you can see that. Rusty : How am I going to do thatwhen I can't even find a date for tonight ? Cappie : Look, I've taken care of everything. You have a date with Lisa Lawson. She's an old friend who's very... friendly. Rusty : Cappie, I don't know... Cappie : Relax, Spitter. Tonight is your inaugural ball. It's gonna be fun. [SCENE_BREAK] [At Rusty's] Rusty : Oh, hello. Dale : Rusty, I'd like you to meet Brian, Sanjay and Ted. Rusty : Nice to meet you guys. Dale : These guys are my Purity Pledge brothers. We're like a fraternity, but for God. Purity Pledge, activate! Purity pledges and Dale : Amen! Rusty : Awesome. Well, uh, don't mind me. Dale : Well, Actually, you're why they're here. Rusty : Me? Dale : Well, I know, you're hoping to lose your virginity tonight, so I thought, what a great chance for the guys to hear firsthand from somebody on the brink of making such a colossal mistake. Rusty : Dale, I don't feel like I'm making... Dale : Who's got a question, anybody ? Brian. Brian : Are you in love? Rusty : No. Ted : Have you both been tested for the full array of STDs? Rusty : No. Sanjay : What will you do if she gets pregnant? Rusty : OK, enough! Look, I know you guys think virginity is like this precious gift. But you know what? It's not. It's a big fat burden. It's one that's making me feel like I'm this lonely, awkward loser. And I'm tired of feeling that way and tonight I have a chance to change that. So, I'm gonna give my "gift" away. I'm going to give it to a girl named Lucy. Or... or Laura. Or something that begins with an L. (Ted claps his hands) Dale : Can it, Ted. Let's pray for him. [At Omega's] Calvin : Wow, all hands on deck. Whoa! Aw, you fell for me. Ashleigh : Put me down. Thank you, Pledge. Now, please have that ladder removed. Calvin : Uh, yes, ma'am. Evan (walking in) : Land ho. Ashleigh : Thank you. You're looking pretty dapper. Evan : Thank you. I just hope Casey likes her man in uniform. Ashleigh : Well, Make sure you're an officer and a gentleman. Evan : Yes, sergeant. [At KT's] Cappie : I want you to stay loose. Don't get caught in the corners. You just gotta look her in the eye. And talk. Rusty : What's her name again? Cappie : Lisa Lawson. Rusty : Lisa Lawson. Lisa Lawson, Lisa Lawson. Cappie : Right. Rusty : What if she doesn't like me? Cappie : Oh, come on, Spitter, what's not to like? Besides, she likes everybody. Oh, there she is now. Rusty : That's her? Cappie : That's her. Godspeed. Rusty : Lisa? Lisa : Oh, I remember you. You spit on me. Rusty : Sorry. Lisa : You're cute. How about making it up to me by getting me a drink. Rusty : Sure. [At OC's] Rebecca : Ten hut! Evan : Ha ha. Rebecca : Is that any way to greet your commanding officer? You've got to follow orders. If I remember correctly, you like that. Evan : Look, Rebecca, I made a huge mistake hooking up with you. OK? I love my girlfriend. Rebecca : I got that sense when you were taking my bra off with your teeth. Casey (walking in) : Hiya, soldier. Care to dance? [At Kt's] Rusty : Your skin is very taut. Lisa : OK. Thanks. Rusty : I'm sorry. Sounded like I want to make a coat out of it. I'm just really bad at talking to girls. Especially pretty girls. Since you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen, this is especially hard. Lisa : You know, we can get a little closer. So I'm guessing this is your first time? Rusty : Do I have "virgin" written on my forehead? Lisa : I was talking about dancing. Rusty : Oh, gotcha. Lisa : Don't worry. I'm a good teacher. [At OC's] Evan : God, you look amazing. Casey : I wanted tonight to be special. Evan : Well, it is. It is special. Casey : I got something that'll make it more special. Evan ; Oh, yeah? Casey : I booked us a room at the University Inn. Evan : Uh-huh. Why would you do that? Casey : Because... I would like us to have s*x. Tonight. Evan : Oh! OK, tonight. Tonight, tonight? Yeah. Um... Let's go now, can we? Casey : After this dance. [At KT's] Lisa : Cap? Do you mind if we use your room? Cappie : Nothing could possibly make me more proud. Everyone : Spitter! Spitter! Spitter! [At OC's] Ashleigh : Could you snap one of me? I want my boyfriend to see how hot I look. Wait! I have to work all my angles. Calvin : Hey, Ash, let's get a picture, huh ? Ashleigh : Oh, my God! Can I just get one moment of peace? Listen, I know you're in love with me and I know, you see me as this perfect specimen of the female form. And you're right. But I have a boyfriend. So shove off, sailor. And respect my boundaries and just leave me alone! Evan : I'm gonna run upstairs, I'm gonna grab my wallet and I'll be right back. Casey : Hey, Rusty's buddy. Calvin : Casey. Casey : Did my brother find a date? Calvin : Uh, yeah. Cappie set him up. Casey : I wonder who it is. Calvin : I want to say Lucy Lawless? Casey : Lisa Lawson? Calvin : That's her. You know her? Casey : Everyone knows her! She's slept with half the male student body. She's the Virgin Whisperer. OK, do me a favor. Tell Evan I'll meet him at the hotel. [In Cappie's room] Rusty : Whoa! Something's vibrating. Lisa : It's my cell phone. Mom? Uh-huh. I'll call you later. Where were we? Rusty : Lisa. Wait. Lisa : Did it happen already? Rusty : What? Oh... No! It's not that. It's just... this isn't really how I imagined my first time. Don't get me wrong. You are way better than I have ever imagined. It's just... I just thought it would mean something more. Lisa : Aw, that's sweet. I felt that way once too. Rusty : What happened? Lisa : Well, I had s*x. It turns out it was, like, crazy fun. [At KT's] Casey : Where's Rusty? Cappie : Good evening to you, too. Casey : Cut the crap. I need to talk to him. Cappie : What's the emergency? Casey : Lisa Lawson, Cap? She's even easier to get into bed than you are. Cappie : Really? Damn it, I'm losing my edge. But, I'm afraid you're too late. Rusty and Lisa are indisposed? Undisposed? Predisposed? They're up in my room doing it. One sec. Whoa, there, dog. You do realize what you're about to do? Casey : I'm stopping Rusty from making a mistake and probably go blind in the process. Cappie : What is the big deal? He's 18. He can vote, but he can't hook up with a really hot girl? Jeez, Case, this is just s*x. Casey : No, it's not. It's his first time. Cappie : OK, so it'll be brief, but still. Casey : Have you forgotten about our first time? You can be as cocky as you want, but it was more than just s*x. Cappie : It was pretty amazing, right ? Casey : No. It was awkward, uncomfortable and terrifying. But... we were in love. It was a perfect moment in time that I look back on with no regrets. Rusty deserves the same. Cappie : Stay here, I'll go in. (he knocks on the door) Avon, calling. Rusty isn't in there with you by any chance? Lisa : He went home. Cappie : Carry on. Did you want the light on or off? [At OC's] Calvin : You look like you could use this. You doing OK? Ashleigh : I miss my boyfriend. I want to do that. Calvin : Well, think about it this way, you could do that if you wanted to. Ashleigh : And your point is? Calvin : My point is you're gorgeous. All right? Any guy would want to make out with you. But you're committed to your man and that takes character. Ashleigh : That's so sweet. It's making me a little nauseous. Calvin : Here, hurl into this. Ashleigh : You're a real nice guy, Calvin. In another time it might have been you and me. Calvin : Perhaps. How about I help you home? Ashleigh : Thanks, but I am perfectly fine. OK, you can help me. [On Campus] Casey : Why the long face? Rusty : Case, I just want to be alone right now. Casey : OK. You should know I'm a bad listener. You should also know I am proud of you. Rusty : What for? Casey : Uh, how do I put this? I know you could have... "studied" tonight. Rusty : Is studying a euphemism for... Casey : Yes! Just go with it. Rusty : Gotcha. Yeah, tonight was completely study-free. Not sure if I'll ever get the chance to study again., actually. Casey : Don't be ridiculous. Rusty : Come on, you said yourself that I'm not exactly the most desirable study buddy. Casey : I was wrong. I was trying to make you into someone you're not. But you've always been an individual. It's something I envy about you. Rusty : You envy me? Casey : I envy that quality. Let's not get carried away. Listen, you'll know when it's time to study. Someday you'll meet someone you love and trust. Someone you feel safe with. You deserve that. Rusty : So do you. [In the hotel room] Evan : There you are. I missed you. Casey : Evan... um, this isn't working. Evan : I agree. You want to move to the bed? Let's move to bed. Casey : No, I meant... this isn't working. Evan : I thought this is what you wanted. You rented the room. Casey : I was trying to force myself to sleep with you. Evan : Well, that... that killed the mood. Glad to hear this is such a chore for you, case. Casey : I'm just not over what happened yet. Evan : You didn't wanna talk about that. Casey : I didn't. I don't! But, Evan, what you did really hurt. Evan : Don't do that. Casey : Do what? Evan : Make me out to be the only bad guy here. All right? "We're even. " That's what you said. I'm not an idiot, case. I know what you meant. Casey : Don't play this off as my fault. You started this. Evan : Yeah. And you ended it. Casey : I did what I did out of anger and betrayal. What's your excuse? Evan : Know what? Just forget it. Casey : No, no, I want to know. Why did you do it? Evan : I don't know! Casey : You don't know? Tripped and fell into bed with her? Evan : I freaked out. Casey : About what ? Evan : About us! All right, we're in college. Casey : Yeah. Evan : Don't know if you noticed, but college relationships are not exactly built to last. Casey : I see. So in your head we weren't that serious? Evan : No. No, no, in my head we were too serious. I pictured forever with you. We were the perfect married couple. We had three kids. Had a beach house in the Outer Banks with a Jack Russell terrier named Schnitzel. Casey : What's so bad about that? Evan : It's not bad. It's wonderful. OK, it just... it just felt so final. You know... permanent. I wigged out and... well, you know the rest. I still think about that future. I am not ready to give up on it. Casey : How about we try to get through fall semester before we worry about the future. Evan : Agreed. Now it's my turn to ask you a question. Casey : Things between Cap... Evan : Can you forgive me? Casey : I can. Evan : Want to see if Frasier's on? Casey : I could go for some serious cuddling.

Plan: A: Rusty; Q: Who panics over finding a date for a fraternity function? A: Cappie; Q: Who makes arrangements for "Spitter" to lose his virginity? A: Spitter; Q: Who is going to lose his virginity? A: the bedroom; Q: Where haven't Evan and Casey had sex since Evan's infidelity? A: lingering trust issues; Q: What is the reason Evan and Casey haven't had sex? A: Calvin and Ashleigh bond; Q: Who bonds over planning the Omega Chi/ZBZ mixer? A: Ashleigh; Q: Who misinterprets Calvin's motives? Summary: Rusty panics over finding a date for a fraternity function, when Cappie makes arrangements that guarantee "Spitter" will lose his virginity . Meanwhile, things aren't going great in the bedroom for Evan and Casey, who haven't had sex since Evan's infidelity, due to lingering trust issues. Calvin and Ashleigh bond over planning the Omega Chi/ZBZ mixer, but Ashleigh misinterprets Calvin's motives.

#506 - Use Your Disillusion [Leery Residence – Gale is folding some blankets when Dawson walks in.] Dawson: (Dawson holds a clumpy, spidery looking thing up.) I got it. (Gale screams) It's a hairball. Sorry. Just thought you wanted to know the tub is fixed. Gale: Thanks honey. But for future reference, I do not need to see the offending clogging object. Dawson: Sorry. Um, so the tub is fixed, I paid all the bills for next month Uhh What else? Oh, I could get Lily a new pacifier. She chewed the last one pretty good. Gale: Sweetie, why don't you take a break? Dawson: I don't need a break. Just tell me what needs to get done. Gale: No, nothing needs to get done. That's just it. I don't need you to do anything right now. So, why about taking Joey up on her offer? She's been calling here almost every day asking her to go see her. Dawson: Yeah, but it's just been so hectic around here. There's something else I've been forgetting to do Gale: Honey? I'm okay. You can go away for a couple of days. I will not fall apart. So go to Boston. See your friends. Lily and I will be right here when you come back. (Gale walks out of the room. Dawson stares at the phone with trepidation.) [Boston – Joey and Audrey are jogging through the park. Audrey is jogging quite spastically and completely out of breathe. Joey jogs along quite normally.] Audrey: So, every morning, when you go out for a job, you're actually Joey: Jogging. Yes. Audrey: You're not just ditching me to go have some Iced Cap frappy thing by yourself? Joey: Nope. Audrey: Because you realize, I never would have signed on for this little bonding session if I thought that real exercise was involved. (She collapses into a park bench as Joey continues.) Must sit. (Joey realizes she's jogging alone and turns around to join Audrey.) Joey: Okay, well let's review. He'll show up around 1, we'll watch movies, we'll order some pizza, it'll just be me and him, no pressure at all. I'll keep everything low key. Audrey: Low key doesn't generally involve such a carefully planned itinerary, but whatever. Joey: Yeah, but I'm just planning it out in case things do get weird, you know? I mean, there's a plan there waiting for me, no thinking on my feet required. We should probably order the movies before he gets here just in case he doesn't want to go out, and that's probably a better idea, right? Audrey: What are you so nervous about? It's just Dawson. You guys have like known each other since you were placenta. Joey: Exactly. It's Dawson. My best friend in the entire world who needs me right now more than he probably ever has and that's a lot of pressure. You know, what if I mess up and I say all the wrong things and at the end of the day I'm not enough. Audrey: Okay, so you have a smidge of performance anxiety. No big thing. I've seen it a couple of times myself. Joey: It's not that. I'm not afraid I'm gonna botch up my lines in some stupid play. I'm afraid I'm gonna botch up my entire future with the only I'm just I want him to have a relaxing, good visit. Audrey: Well, why don't you wait until he gets here. Maybe you can ask him what he wants to do. Joey: That's putting him on the spot. Making decisions is stressful and I I just don't want him to feel any stress of any kind. Audrey: So, you're not planning on bring up the whole Joey: No. God, no. I'm not gonna bring up the kiss, I'm not gonna bring up the whole moving to Boston thing. There will be no talking whatsoever. Audrey: Sounds like a party. Joey: Parties are stressful. Wilder: (riding up on a bike) Joey Potter. The girl I was looking for. Joey: Hey. Wilder: Quick, Rose Lazare. Joey: Uh famous dead writer from the 20s, like Dorothy Parker, but not. Wilder: Yes. Ding, ding, ding. Rose Lazare's husband? Joey: Mr. Lazare? Wilder: Yes, but also dead. Just died in fact. Which means Joey: We're very sad? Wilder: No. I mean, yes, but no. It means that the estate of Rose Lazare no longer belongs to her spouse, but the establishment which it was willed to. Which is? Joey: Please stop this. Wilder: Worthington! Did you know she went here? Well she did. Anyway, the real news is, I have been chosen out of all of the department heads to inventory her estate. Joey: Wow! Congratulations! I have no idea what that means. Wilder: It means that everything she's ever written, her unpublished works, books she never finished, short stories no one has ever read – we get to go through it all and hopefully find a hidden gem worth publishing. Joey: We? Wilder: I'm putting together a team – five students to help with the sifting, the cataloguing, the filing, and you're gonna be part of that team. Say yes. Audrey: Yes. Yes! Joey: Yes, absolutely. God, I would love to. Wilder: Great. Great. I'm gonna have a party at my house tomorrow night to celebrate. You'll meet the rest of the team. Joey: Oh wait, I can't tomorrow night. I have a friend coming into town. Wilder: Bring her. Joey: Him, and I would, but he just had a death in the family and I don't think it would be a good idea. Wilder: You're off the team. Joey: What? Wilder: Kidding, you're still on the team. But try to make it. I'm serving Brie. (he rides off on his bike) Audrey: I love Brie. Joey: I'm on a team? Audrey: (watching Wilder go) You think it's too late to transfer into his class? Joey: (dragging her to continue jogging) Come on! Audrey: He's hot! [Charlie's dorm – Jen is sitting on the edge of the bed strumming on a guitar, while Charlie gives her a massage.] Jen: Is that your elbow? Because it's it's kinda digging into me. Charlie: It's called Rolfing. It's a more intense version of massage. You know, I can stop if you want. Jen: No, no, it's just that I prefer the traditional Swedish massage. It feels good. No elbows necessary. Hey, what are you doing tomorrow night? Charlie: I'm working at the station, why? Jen: I wanted you to go see this play with me. It's a requirement for one of my classes. Charlie: I'm sorry. But if you want, you can come by afterwards and reenact all the good parts for me. Naked, of course. Jen: Yeah, of course. I'm sure that Shakespeare always intended to have his work performed in the flesh. Charlie: Hey, that's right. He knew that was the only way to keep his audience awake during all of those draggy speeches. Jen: Those draggy speeches, as you call them, actually happen to be quite beautiful. Charlie: Not half as beautiful as you are. (he kisses her neck) Jen: Mmm, nice save, cheeseball. (enjoying his attention) That part of the Rolfing, I like that. (he takes the guitar away from her and they begin kissing) [Restaurant – Kitchen. Pacey and Danny are working hard on something.] Danny: You're not using your wrist. Pacey: I am using my wrist. Show me again. Danny: Me doing it for you is not going to teach you anything. Pacey: Oh, will you just show me what I'm doing wrong? Danny: (they finally show what Pacey and Danny are working on – bouncing quarters into a glass) You gotta bounce it. (he bounces the quarter into the glass) Pacey: You're my hero. You realize that? You are my hero! (Karen comes into the back and Danny tries to cover what they've been doing) Danny: That's good, Pacey, Pacey, that's right, just keep stirring the sauce. Stir the sauce. Karen: Save it, because I can smell the male bonding from behind the door. And the odor is pungent. Pacey: Well, maybe that's just my pheromones calling to you. Karen: Maybe you need a stronger deodorant. (She bounces a quarter into the glass and walks out. Pacey watches her go.) Danny: Good luck, my friend. I've seen better men try and fail. Pacey: Ah yes, but did they have a 50 foot yacht to lure her with? See, that makes me fancy. Danny: See, I keep hearing about this famous boat. When do I get to see this? Pacey: Whenever you like, man. Danny: Cool. How about this? How about you lend me the boat tomorrow night and I'll take the wife out for a romantic evening and I'll give you the night out. Pacey: Done. Danny: Great. Great. Emily's gonna love this. She's been wanting a night out. Pacey: Anytime you want to use it. (Pacey bounces a quarter into the glass and he throws his arms up in victory. Danny picks him up and they cheer.) [Frat House – Jack and two other guys are playing pool.] Moskowitz: My older brother told me that during initiation week, his phone rang 32 times in one day. Jack: Calling to do what? Moskowitz: To do anything. Call you to clean the pledge master's room. Tie their shoes. Make them breakfast. Guy #2: What if you're in class. Moskowitz: Gotta go man. Make up some excuse, like your bowels are going crazy or what not. Jack: Yo, yo, I heard that if you can guess Polar Bear's real name, you're automatically in. Moskowitz: Get out? Jack: It's what I heard. Moskowitz: Dude, what do you think his name is? Jack: I don't know, but it's probably something stupid like, “John”. Moskowitz: Seriously, what about Derrick? He looks like a Derrick. Jack: He does. Guy #2: Or maybe his real initials are P.B. Like Perry Bastille. (they both look at him weird) He could be French. Jack: (shaking his head, laughing) Shut up. Guy #2: What? (they laugh) Moskowitz: What about Ryan? Ryan or Eric. (Jack looks out the window and sees Tobey outside) Jack: Tobey? Moskowitz: What the hell kind of name is Tobey? (Jack rushes over to Tobey entering the room) Jack: What are you doing here? Tobey: Jen said I would find you here. Surprise. Jack: Yeah! This is amazing. I can't believe you're actually in Boston. Oh my God. Hey, I'd like you to meet some of my pledges. Guys, this is my boyfriend, Tobey. Tobey: Hey. Moskowitz: Right on. (a phone rings and they all check theirs.) Jack: (checking his phone) Not me. Moskowitz: Me. (answering) What's up? Yeah, yeah, I got it. Guy #2: Who is it? Jack: What do they want? Moskowitz: Which one? Yeah, yeah, I'm out. I'm out. (he hangs up) Later, guys. Tobey: What's all the excitement? Jack: I'll explain on the way home. We're gonna get out of here, man. Guy #2: Alright, later. Jack: Later. Guy #2: Take care bro. Tobey: Nice meeting you. Guy #2: Nice meeting you. [Boston – Jack and Tobey are walking back to Grams' house.] Tobey: Wait, they can't tie their own shoe? Jack: Ahh, it's just a hazing thing. I mean, compared to what they used to do to pledges, this is a piece of cake. Tobey: I guess I should take comfort in that. I mean, you could be doing strange things to cattle. Jack: What?! Tobey: Whatever! I saw something on HBO. Jack: No, no, no, it's not like that. Hell week is, hell week is nothing more than a way to bond all the pledges together. I mean, that's the way I look at it. Tobey: Well, it sounds like you're having fun. Jack: Oh, I am. I am. It's just that this week is gonna be insane. I just wish I would have known you were going to be here. I mean, I'm psyched that you're here, it's just, you know I just won't have as much time to spend with you as I'd like. Tobey: Yeah, but you will have SOME time, right? Jack: Of course. I will make time. I tell you what. Tomorrow we'll tour Boston, anything you want. I just have one obligation in the morning and then I am all yours. Tobey: Cool. All right. [Joey's Dorm – Audrey has her feet up on a desk painting her toes. Joey is using some spray cleaner to clean the desk with.] Audrey: Jo? You just 409'd my face. Joey: Sorry. Audrey: What happened to low-key, no stress? Joey: What happened to you leaving before he gets here? Audrey: It's like 12:48. I have plenty of time to finish doing my nails. (a knock on the door) So. I'll be going now. (Joey opens the door and hugs Dawson. Audrey edges past them without even looking at Dawson.) Hi gorgeous. Bye gorgeous. Dawson: Bye Audrey. (they walk inside and close the door) She still weird? Joey: Getting weirder every day. Dawson: So how are you? Joey: I'm great. I mean, I'm okay. Dawson: School good? Joey: Yeah. I mean, my professor told me about this project that sounds, sounds pretty amazing. (pause) Well, it's really, it's not that big a deal. I mean, it's actually kind of confusing to me. Not that you'd be confused by it. It's just, it's hard to explain, but How are you? Dawson: I'm okay. Joey: Before I forget, I have something for you. I got this at the bookstore. Umm (hands him a book called “How to deal with your parents death”) I dunno, I just thought that I would have liked if somebody had gotten it for me when my Mom Dawson: Thank you. It looks very helpful. (Him and Joey begin to talk at the same time. They both stop.) Have a bunch of what? Joey: Oh, umm, I got a bunch of movies. I thought that we could watch them and you know, hang out. Dawson: All day? Joey: Oh, no, I mean. We don't have to. Dawson: You know what? That's a great idea. I'm kinda beat. Joey: I thought you might be. Dawson: You were right. Joey: Well, what movie do you want to watch first? [Grams' House – Jen is on the phone.] Jen: I'm telling you Pace, you're gonna love it. (pause) Why do you need to know what the play is? If I tell you that you're gonna love it, chances are, you are gonna (pause) What, you don't trust me? (pause) Fine, it's Shakespeare. (she pulls the phone away from her ear and talks only into the receiver) Okay, great, so I'll pick you up at 7, see you later on tonight, bye! (she hangs up and greets Tobey who just walked in) Men, I swear, you gotta ram culture down their throats. What are you doing here? I thought that you were meeting Jack at Newberry? Tobey: Yeah, I thought so, too, but he's not there. I figured maybe I messed up and we were supposed to meet back here. But I guess (he looks around) Jen: (sighs) I can't believe he flaked on you for those frat morons. Tobey: He didn't flake. He's just running late. That's all. It's no big deal. Jen: Tobey, it is a big deal. You're here for one weekend. The very least he can do is loosen his grip on his beer bong and just be on time. Tobey: It's not like that. He had an obligation. Jen: I'm telling you, he's obsessed. Tobey: He's not obsessed. He's happy. Jen: He is turning into a pod person. Tobey: Come on, Jack doesn't have the pod mentality. Trust me. Well, I better be getting back. I'm sure he's probably waiting for me, wondering where I'm at. Jen: See ya. Tobey: See ya. [Joey's Dorm – Joey and Dawson sit and watch Charlie's Angel's.] Joey: Want another slice of pizza? Dawson: No, thank you. Joey: Want another Coke? I could run down to the machine. Dawson: No, I'm good. (On the TV, a terrible accident is taking place during the movie. Dawson turns away as Joey frantically tries to shut it off. She eventually gets the TV off.) Joey: I just, I went right to the Comedy section without even realizing it. You must think I'm the most insensitive idiot on the planet. Dawson: I would never think that. It's okay. Joey: No, it's not okay, Dawson, because this is your time to freak out and I am totally robbing you of that by making this about me when it isn't and I know that it isn't and Dawson: And I know that you know. Joey: See, there you go again, you're doing my job. I'm supposed to be the one making you feel better. Dawson: You're not supposed to be doing anything. Joey: I just kinda wanted to make this a really relaxing weekend for you. Oh, maybe Audrey was right. Maybe we should have just gone out. Dawson: Let's go out. Joey: Now? Dawson: Why not? Joey: Okay, well, my professor is throwing this thing at his house that could be kind of fun. Apparently there's gonna be Brie. Dawson: I love Brie. Joey: Everybody does. Okay. I'll grab my coat. [Boston – Jen and Pacey are walking down the street.] Pacey: Karen, she is smart, she is feisty. I can definitely feel the love connection. Jen: Oh yeah? Is she flirting with you? Pacey: Well, if we were to go back to the third grade definition of flirting Jen: Hair pulling, name calling, general nastiness? Pacey: Yes. If that were the definition, than we definitely got it going on. Jen: God, I am so glad I'm not single anymore. Pacey: And then there's Danny. I'm telling you, you could not create a more perfect boss. I think I finally found my mentor. Jen: That is fantastic, Pace. What's he like? Pacey: He's just like me, only older. Jen: Wait, your mentor, the guy who could supposedly guide you through your life, is just an older version of you? Pacey: Yep. Jen: So what you're saying is, when you grow up, you just want to be yourself? Pacey: Yeah. I'm very well adjusted. (they stop in front of a restaurant and Jen sees Charlie inside with a girl.) Jen: Oh my God. (Pacey looks through the window) Pacey: Isn't that your boyfriend? Jen: Yeah. Pacey: I thought he was working tonight? Jen: That's what he told me. Pacey: Oh. Well. That's funny. We should probably get off to the play Now just wait a second. Hold on! What are you going to do? Jen: I'm gonna go in there and beat his ass. Pacey: Easy, Thelma. Now you don't know what's going on in there. Okay, that does not necessarily Jen: He told me that he was working! Pacey: Volume! Please, volume, okay? Now obviously the two of you have had a slight miscommunication, but you are far too upset right now to deal with this. So why don't we just go off to this play, which, I might remind you, is a requirement for your schooling. So tomorrow, you give him a call, he explains Jen: What type of possible explanation Pacey: Volume! Maybe he won't explain, but either way, you'll be calmer, more rational, and ultimately happier that you waited, because when you do, you have gained the upper hand, okay? Jen: Fine. (she rushes towards the door and Pacey grabs her, and throws her over his shoulder) Let me go! Mmph! (Charlie and the mystery girl look out the window, but too late to see Jen.) [Restaurant – Tobey and Jack sit quietly during dinner. Neither are even looking at the other.] Jack: Is this how you're gonna be all night? Tobey: You could have called. Jack: I told you, I wanted to. But since you refuse to buy a cell phone for reasons I still don't understand Tobey: Brain tumors! Jack: The point is that, I had no way of letting you know that I was gonna be late. Tobey: You couldn't stop what you were doing? Jack: No, I couldn't. Tobey: Why? What were you doing? Jack: I uhh, I can't tell you that. It's part of the rules. I know it sounds stupid Tobey: Whatever. Jack: Don't do that. Don't get all girlfriendy on me. Tobey: You know, I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that last comment. Jack: Yeah, sorry. I didn't mean that. Tobey: Why don't you just, not say it again? Jack: Okay. You look really great. Tobey: Really? Thanks. Jack: I missed you. Tobey: I missed you, too. (Jack's cell rings) Jack: Sorry. (answering) Yeah? (pause) Uh-huh. (pause) Now? I'm kinda in the middle of something. (pause) Well how important? Cause, my friend's only in time for a little bit. Tobey: It's okay. Jack: Hold on, hold on, hold on. (to Tobey) Really? They say it's only going to take a half an hour. Tobey: Go. Jack: (into phone) I'll be there. Okay. Later! (hangs up) You are amazing, you know that, right? Tobey: That's what all the boys say. Jack: Tell you what. Meet me back at the house in a half an hour. It's still early, so then we can do whatever you want. Tobey: Okay, have fun. (he leans forward for a kiss, but Jack rushes out) [SCENE_BREAK] [Theater – Jen and Pacey climb over people to their seats.] Pacey: Excuse me. Whoa. Okay. Ooh. Othello, huh? You think you can give me the Cliff's Notes version? Jen: Othello is about a man who is convinced that his wife is cheating on him, so he kills her and then he kills himself. (Jen gets up and leaves. Pacey follows.) [Wilder's House – Joey and Dawson walk in.] Wilder: Joey, you made it. (Joey waves) Joey: You want to come meet my professor? Dawson: No, I'm gonna see what's in the kitchen first. Joey: Do you want me to come with you? Dawson: Hold my hand? Joey: I'll be over here. Dawson: Okay. (Dawson goes into the bathroom and washes his face.) [Boston – Jen and Pacey are back outside the restaurant. Jen has basically pushed Pacey all the way there, because he's been trying to block her.] Pacey: I just wanted it noted for the record that I think this is a very, very bad idea. Jen: You said that already. (she shoves him out of the way) Pacey: (he tries to hold her back, but she pushes him into the restaurant completely) No, no, but I want it noted for the record, like you know, make it official. You know, go home and type it up, maybe. Jen: (approaching the table quickly) Charlie Todd? What a coincidence. Oh my God. (to a table near by) Do you guys mind if I borrow this chair for a second. Thank you. (she drags it over to Charlie's table) Jen: Hi. Hi. How are you? (noticing two glasses of coffee with whipped cream on top) Ooh, coffee. You know, I would really love a cup of coffee. Do you mind if I ? (grabs one) I really do hope this is iced. (she dumps it in Charlie's lap.) Charlie: What are you..? Jen: (spooning whipped cream from the second coffee into Charlie's lap) How about some whipped cream, huh? That is really tasty stuff. Charlie: Jennifer Lindley. Meet Elise Todd, my sister. Elise, this is Jen, the girl I was telling you about. Elise: Hi. Jen: Your sister? (Pacey laughs from the host stand) I'm so Ohh. [Frat House – Jack and Moskowitz and 2 are waiting around.] Moskowitz: Your vibes all tweaked, man. What's going on? Jack: Nothing. I'm just wondering how much longer this is gonna take. Moskowitz: Well, they're sending us in one at a time. My guess is we're being fitted for blazers. Guy #2: Or getting our keys to the house. Moskowitz: It's possible. Word is on the street is that tomorrow is our last day. Jack: Initiation's tomorrow? I thought we had, like, a whole other week left. Moskowitz: That's just what I'm hearing. I could be wrong. Jack: Oh, I hope you are, 'cause if I have to come back in here tomorrow, I am in the dog house for certain. Moskowitz: Man troubles? Jack: No, no, no. Moskowitz: Let me guess. He's not really diggin' you spending all your time with the fellas. He's wantin' to know where you been and what are you up to. Jack: It's a little more complicated than that, all right? Moskowitz: Dude, my girlfriend is the same way. Guy #2: Mine keeps asking me what we do here. I'm all, "if I told you that, you'd be one of my brothers." Moskowitz: You gotta draw the line for him, Jack-O. Guy #2: He's right. Jack: Guys, come on. I mean, he flew all the way out here just to see me. Moskowitz: Yeah, what's that about? He's pretending this is some sweet move, when really it's a hostile takeover. Guy #2: Thank you. Moskowitz: If he cared, he would have called first, made sure the timing was right, then booked the flight. Jack: Well, maybe he just wanted to surprise me. Moskowitz: What kind of weak-ass move was that? He said, "oh, hey, surprise. Here I am." Now, you gotta spend all your time with me, and you can't go meet anyone new. Jack: Well, what are you saying, that he came out here to check up on me? There's no way. Moskowitz: He's a clever dude, man. He is well aware of the hot guy quotient at this campus. Do you think little Tobey doesn't know that you could have your pick of the litter? Guy #2: You do dress well. Jack: Thanks. Moskowitz: Dump the chump and move on with your life. Guy #2: Plenty of other fish in the sea, dude. Moskowitz: It's time to go swimmin'. Guy #2: Be the shark. [Wilder's House – Dawson is in the kitchen, watching Joey. A girl walks up to him.] Girl: You look thirsty. You want a glass of wine or something? Dawson: No. Actually, where'd you get that bottle of water? Girl: Oh, here. Take mine. (Dawson drinks her water) Don't worry. I have no germs to speak of. I Listerine, like, 5 times a day. I'm totally addicted. So, what's your name? Do you go to Worthington? Dawson: No, I'm sorry-- is it warm in here? I'm--I'm really warm. Are you warm? Girl: You want me to open a window? Dawson: Yeah, that would be great. Thank you. (she opens the window, but when she turns around, he's gone.) Dawson: (approaching Joey) I'm sorry. We have to go. Joey: Is everything ok? Dawson: I'm fine. Joey: Oh, professor Wilder, this is— Dawson: I'm sorry. I have to go right now. Joey: Uh, I'm really sorry. (outside) Dawson, what's going on? Dawson: I don't know. I just-- I couldn't stay in that house for another second. I'm sorry. Joey: That's fine, it's just you're the one who wanted to go out. Dawson: I know. I know. The other day I was-- I was in the grocery store, just waiting in line, and I couldn't wait anymore. There were only 2 people in front of me, and I just-- I knew if it didn't get out of the store that second, I felt like I was gonna explode. It's just the weirdest feeling. It's like a total, complete loss of control. Joey: But you didn't lose it. You held it in and you walked out. Dawson: Yeah, but I hate not knowing where that feeling came from. I mean, it's just-- it's just this random emotion. It just completely blindsided me out of nowhere. Joey: Is that how you felt tonight? Dawson: Yeah. I wanted to go out. I did. I wanted to get out. But as soon as we walked-- the second we walked through that door, I didn't want to be out anymore. I just, like, changed my mind. I just completely changed my mind for no good reason. Joey: Listen, that's allowed. It's allowed. Dawson: I know, but it was, like, a million degrees in there, too, right? I mean it was hot in there, right? Joey: Yeah. It was. Dawson: Yeah. I mean, that did-- that didn't help. Joey: You know, maybe you're getting sick. Flu's going around. Dawson: Yeah. Yeah, that-- that's probably it. It's... would you mind if we just went back to the dorms? Joey: No. That's fine. Dawson: Great. [Boston – Jen and Charlie are walking down the street.] Jen: So, I saw you holding her hand, and I don't know, I--I just— Charlie: I was looking at her engagement ring. Jen: Oh, wow. She got engaged? That's so nice. Charlie: Yeah. I'll be sure to congratulate her for you. Jen: Ok, look. In all fairness-- not that I deserve fairness of any kind-- but--but you did tell me that you would be working. Charlie: My shift got switched, all right? I was gonna call you, but I knew that you'd be at the play. Then my sister called me and told me that she had big news. And the rest... well, it's on my pants. Jen: I can wash those for you. In fact, I could do your laundry for a week. A month. A month. I can do your laundry for a whole month. How's that for an apology? Charlie: That's a start. Jen: I screwed up. I'm sorry. Charlie: Listen, Jen, you have to learn to trust me. I mean, think about it, all right? What if I would have seen you with your friend Pacey? Would it have been cool for me to just jump to conclusions? Jen: No. Charlie: No. And I wouldn't have. Why? Because I trust you. Because I realize that we have something very special here. Jen: You are absolutely, 100% right. Charlie: Of course I'm right. I'm always right. Jen: Hmm. Gonna let that one slide, but only because you have whipped cream on your crotch. Charlie: Yeah, yeah. Come here. Come here. Jen: I'm sorry. [Gram's House – Tobey is watching TV when Jack walks in. He tentatively approaches the couch.] Jack: I am so sorry. Tobey: Forget it, Jack. I don't care what you were doing. Jack: No, listen. We were— Tobey: I said I don't care! I don't wanna hear it! Jack: How can I make this better, huh? Huh? Come on. What do you want me to do? Tobey: I want you to tell me the truth. I want to hear you say that your fraternity is more important to you than I am. It's true, isn't it? Jack: It's just not that easy, Tobey. You're here for one weekend. I'm--I'm here for 4 years. What am I supposed to do when you leave tomorrow? Huh? Wait around till I can scrape up some money to go see you? We're supposed to do that for how long? Tobey: Until--I don't know! Jack: Look, I need to develop a social life here, all right? And I have. And for the first time in my life, I'm doing it while being honest and-- and open about who I am. I didn't even have to compartmentalize myself to anyone to make it easier on them. Tobey: What are you talking about? Jack: When I first moved to Capeside, ok, everyone got to know me as Andie's brother. And then it was Joey's artist boyfriend. And then I told everyone I was gay, and suddenly, for the rest of high school, that's all I was. Jack, the gay guy. Tobey: That is not all that you were to them. Jack: Well, maybe not, but that's how it felt. So, when Sigma Epsilon asked me to pledge, I wanted to tell them the truth up front, ok? Right away, so I didn't have to go through all that again. Look, the amazing thing was that these guys already knew, and they didn't care, all right? They wanted me to join their fraternity knowing everything there is to know about me. Tobey, they wanted me. So now I just get to be Jack. No labels. I mean, I thought you of all people would understand how important this is to me. God! I guess maybe they were right. Tobey: What--they who? You talked about our relationship with total strangers?! Jack: No, they're my friends! Tobey: You just met them, Jack. My God, just because they know you're gay doesn't mean they know you. And they certainly don't know me. How could you think that they would understand what our relationship is about? Jack: Whoa, whoa! Relationship problems are universal. You don't have to be gay to understand the concept of a jealous boyfriend! Tobey: You think I'm jealous of your frat buddies? Jack: If that's not it, then what is it? Tobey: I want to be a priority. Jack: You are. Tobey: No, not one of your priorities. It is not enough that I make the top 3. You come first to me. No matter what I'm doing, or--or how far away I am, you are my first priority. I--I wonder what you're up to. I think about ways that I can make you laugh with a stupid e-mail or a care package. I think about you. God, when I'm with you, when I am not with you, no matter what is going on in my life, you are my first priority. But...clearly, I am not to you. Not anymore. And that's the truth, isn't it? (he walks out) [Restaurant – Pacey starts work in the kitchen when Karen walks in.] Pacey: Ah, Karen Torres, the light of my life. The cherry flavored Kool-Aid in my cup. Karen: Morning, freak. Pacey: How is it that we always end up working the same shift together? You think its fate? Destiny working in our favor? Karen: Or could it be the fact that you check to see what my shifts are before asking for yours? Pacey: That is a very cynical way of looking at it. It's true, but cynical. (she smiles a little at Pacey and walks out) And she smiles. My day is made. Emily: (walking in) Danny's not here yet? Pacey: Uh, no, he's not. May I— Emily: Emily. Danny's wife. I'd shake your hand, but I don't want to get you sick. Pacey: I guess that means last night wasn't too much fun, huh? Emily: Not unless you call going through 8 boxes of Kleenex fun. Anyway, Danny left his wallet home again, so here. Nice meeting you, Pacey. Danny's been talking about you nonstop. Apparently, you're his new favorite. (She leaves. Pacey thinks about the situation.) [Joey's Dorm – Dawson is packing his bag.] Joey: Don't forget your toothbrush. Dawson: It's in there. Joey, thank you. Joey: For what? Dawson: For taking me in, getting me out. All evidence to the contrary, you really did make me feel better. Joey: I did? Dawson: Yeah. Of course you did. (they hug) So, I should get going. Joey: You know, you're welcome here any time, Dawson. Dawson: All right. I'll, uh-- I'll call you soon. (Dawson leaves, and Joey leans against the door. She walks towards her bed and finds the book she gave Dawson laying on it.) [Gram's House – Jen and Tobey stand outside waiting for Tobey's cab to come. Tobey continues to look down the street for Jack.] Jen: I don't think he's coming, Tobey. Tobey: I know. I just can't help looking. What is that? Jen: What is what? Tobey: That stupid fantasy you have where the guy who broke your heart suddenly realizes he's made the biggest mistake of his life, and he finds you? Wherever you are, he comes running up to you, and he says, "I can't live without you. You are my entire universe, and if you don't take me back right now, I will never love anyone again." Where's this fantasy come from? Jen: Movies. Television. And that little place in your heart that harbors hope. He's gonna regret this, you know. (the cab pulls up) Tobey: Yeah, maybe. Maybe not. The thing is, we tell ourselves that to make ourselves feel better, but the truth is, somebody always gets hurt worse... every breakup. This time it's me. Come here. (they hug) Gotta go. Oh, hold onto that Charlie. He seems like he could be a good egg. Jen: I will. Tobey: I really thought he'd come. Jen: Come on. [Restaurant – Pacey is working when Danny comes in. He sets a cup of a coffee down for Pacey.] Danny: (turning Pacey's hat around) I left the keys to your boat in your drawer. Pacey: Thank you. Danny: No, thank you. My wife had a fantastic time. (he walks off and Pacey watches him go.) Pacey: I'm glad. [Grams' House – Jen is packing a basket with food when Jack walks in. He is wearing his Sigma Ep blazer.] Jack: I did it. I'm officially a brother! Whoo! Jen: Congratulations. You officially suck. Jack: Whatever. I gotta go-- I gotta go change. Jen: You broke his heart. Do you care? Because you don't seem too bent out of shape about it. Jack: Jen, what do you want from me? Jen: I want you to take a second and think about what you gave up today. Jack: You--you don't think that I know? Jen: I have no idea. I mean, I don't even feel like I know you anymore. We haven't really been friends since you got involved with this--this frat. Jack: Or maybe since you started seeing Charlie. Jen: That's not fair. Jack: Why should I be fair, Jen? You haven't been fair to me in months. Jen: Is this about us? Because I thought it was about you and Tobey. Jack: It's all the same! Look, we are all growing apart, ok? So maybe I wanted to spare Tobey a little bit of pain. Jen: What does that mean? Jack: It means I-- I want to--I want to meet new people, ok? I want to have new experiences, and I don't want to have to worry about-- about hurting somebody else in the process. Jen: Well, maybe you should have told him that. Jack: I'm telling you that. Jen: Ok. I have to go. Um... Charlie has a class and I have to— Jack: Yeah. [Charlie's Dorm – Jen enters the building with her basket of food and a “Sorry” balloon. As she walks around the corner, she sees Charlie come out of his room with some girl. Jen ducks back behind the wall, pulling the balloon out of sight. She peeks back around the corner as Charlie pins the girl against the wall and kisses her. He goes back into his room and the girl walks past Jen and out of the building.] [Joey's Dorm – Joey is laying on her bed as Audrey jumps up and down and stretches, preparing for their morning jog.] Audrey: Ok... ok, Potter, let's go. I got my portable fan, I got my water bottle, I got my new glittery lipstick, which, by the way, rocks! I am ready to jog! And you're not happy. Joey: No, I am happy. That's the problem. Audrey: Uh-huh. Because you're neurotic? Joey: No. Because I shouldn't be happy. I mean, my best friend in the entire world just left. I haven't seen him in almost a month, and as soon as he walked out of the door I felt relieved. How horrible is that? Audrey: It's not horrible. That's honest. Joey: Why do I feel so guilty? (Audrey sits on Joey's bed and rubs her leg in compassion. She notices Dawson's book.) Audrey: Yeah... he didn't want the book? Joey: I don't know. Maybe he forgot it, or maybe it was his way of telling me to butt out, but, I mean, truthfully, I didn't think the book would even help. Audrey: Why'd you get it then? Joey: Well, because-- because I knew that as soon as I saw him everything that I wanted to say to him would get totally fumbled and I would forget the words, and I wanted him to know how I felt. And I didn't want to write an e-mail because it just-- it's so impersonal, and... The thought of writing a letter just felt weird. Audrey: No. Agreed. Actual letters have a very grandma... hokey... sleep away camp kinda feel to 'em. Joey: Right. So, I got him this book, and I wrote this inscription, and now he'll never read it. And all he'll remember from this weekend is what a big freak I was, and all I'll remember is how I feel right now, which is just-- is thoroughly exhausted. Audrey: What do you say we skip the jog and go straight for the iced cap frappy thing? Joey: I'll change my clothes. (she goes into the bathroom.) Hey, Audrey... thank you. Audrey: (throwing Joey her lipstick) Hey... try the glitter lipstick. It's really fun. Joey: Ok. (Audrey opens the book and reads the inscription. Joey's voice over) “Dear Dawson, when something like this happens, you wanna reach out and grab the people around you, the ones who matter the most. The ones you take for granted all the time. And you want to take those people and hold onto them as tight as you can, tell them how precious they are to you, how knowing them makes your life better every single day that you're living it. Because when something like this happens, you realize how awful it would be if they didn't know, if they weren't aware of the profound effect they've had on your life. So, I want to take this moment to tell you that I love you, Dawson, and I'm here for you... now, forever, and every day in between. Love, Joey.” [End credits.]

Plan: A: anxiety attacks; Q: What is Dawson having trouble with? A: his father's death; Q: What is the cause of Dawson's anxiety attacks? A: reality; Q: What is Dawson trying to escape? A: a night; Q: What kind of debauchery does Dawson go on? A: Joey; Q: Who does Dawson accuse of causing his father's death? A: Mitch; Q: Who died? A: Jen; Q: Who seeks revenge on cheating Charlie? A: Audrey's critical mother visits; Q: What happens to Audrey? A: Pacey; Q: Who makes a discovery about Danny and Karen? Summary: Dawson is having trouble with anxiety attacks since his father's death, so he tries to escape reality on a night of debauchery with Jack and his fraternity brothers, which ends with Dawson accusing Joey of causing his father's death (by way of being the central cause of his decision to stay in Boston, which in turn was the cause of the argument on the night of Mitch's death). Jen seeks revenge on cheating Charlie. Audrey's critical mother visits. And Pacey makes a discovery about Danny and Karen.

61st Episode of Roswell Production Code: 3ADA18 [PREVIOUSLY_ON] Fortune Teller: I've never seen the cards fall like this before. Boy. He's different. Flashback of Liz igniting her schoolbook. Max: I didn't do that. Liz: I did. Liz blasting Tess with her powers. Liz: You healed me and now I'm different. Isabel on tape using her powers while her parents watch. Mr. Evans: Can you please just tell us what this means? Who are you? Flash to Kyle on the payphone. Kyle: Tess is back? Flash to Tess handing Max their son. Then to them sitting and talking to their parents. Isabel: Max's baby is an, is an alien. So am I. The FBI searching the Evans', and find the tape of Isabel. Then to Tess in the car with Liz. Liz: You're not going to let them throw you in the white room are you? Tess: No. Tess going through the gate and the compound blowing up. At the Crashdown. Liz: I'm not religious but I've been to church. I know right from wrong. And I know it's wrong to benefit in any way from someone else's passing. But I won't deny that Tess's death has freed me. Like a dark shadow passed Over the sun before the light came flooding back (looking at a paper about the Explosion) It's a brand new day. Full of possibilities and hope. I haven't felt Like that in a long long time. (She looks over at Max sitting at the counter at the Crashdown) It's different for Max. He lost more than his son. He lost the sense of Direction to his life, his sense of purpose. He puts up a brave front but, I know. What are you still doing here? Got it hot for some local waitress? Max: That's the rumor. Have you heard from North Western yet? Liz: Still waiting. Max: You must be nervous. Liz: I'm trying to handle the whole college acceptance thing with grace and aplumb. Max: Aplumb? (smiling) Liz: Yeah it's an SAT word that I just can't get outta my head. It's slowly driving me crazy. Max: Liz. What if I came with you to North Western. Liz: Max if that's something that you seriously think you could or would do then fine. We'll, We'll talk about it otherwize please don't put me through the whole emotional rollercoaster. Customer: Excuse me, Miss? Liz: I'll be right back. Customer: Thank you. She hands Liz the check and as she does Liz gets a flash of the customer being shot and killed by a mugger. Max gets up and goes to her as she sits down stunned. Max: Hey what's wrong. Liz: That woman that just walked out of here. Max: What about her? Liz: I think she's going to be murdered. Max: What are you talking about? Liz: She was walking down an alley and there was a man with a gun. Max: Are you telling me that you saw the future? Liz: I saw something. We have to go after her. They leave the Crashdown and go down a back alley. Liz: Around here. Max: Are you sure that They make it around just to see her walk away and the man grab her in an attempt to mug her Woman: Please. Liz: Max. (Max uses his powers to get the gun away from the would be mugger and sets off a car Alarm and scares the man away) Liz: Ok. Let's go, let's go. Max looks on for a second at the woman and then runs away. Liz: The trouble with making plans for the future Hogens Air Force Base : New Mexico The men are rummaging through the debree. Liz: Even when you can see the future, is that fate has a way of intervening. And upsetting the best laid Plans of mice and men. Robert Burns 1785. That was on the SAT too. The men find the tape of Isabel using her powers. At the Remerez's apartment. Jesse is on the phone as Isabel walks in. Jesse: So this is for real. Well um, I'm going to have to get back to you on that. Bye. Isabel: What? Jesse: Uh, my friend Chris Hobson. He just made partner at Langtree, Watkins and Sullivan. One of the top law firms in Boston. Isabel: That's nice. Jesse: And he needs someone to take over their litigation department. Isabel: Oh. So Boston huh? Well, what does it pay? Jesse: 3 - 50 to start. Isabel: Jesse get real, we can't live on 3 – 50 a week. Especially in that city, I mean the cost of living Alone would be at least I don't know.. Jesse: No. 3 – 50 a year. Isabel: So you, you mean I-it's Jesse: Three hundred and fifty thousand. Isabel: A year? Jesse: (laughs) A year. Isabel: (she hugs him) Oh my gosh. Honey that is so great. Oh my gosh. Jesse: So does that mean I'm taking it, we're going. Isabel: Probably. (she laughs and hugs him again) Back at the Crashdown. Maria: So you're clairvoyant now? Liz: I'm not clairvoyant, it only happened once. Maria: All right, do you think you can tell me what's going to happen between me and spaceboy? Maria and Liz walk up to Michael who is waiting with an order and he stares at them. Liz: It's probably beyond my capabilities. Maria: Yeah, tell me about it. Well at least we'll always have each other right? Liz: Yeah of course we will. They take their order to their tables. Liz walks up to Kyle. Liz: What have you been doing? Kyle: It's called working for the man. Liz: In a sewer? Kyle: Close, been flushing septic lines for a 1975 RV. Mr.Parker walks into the room holding a letter. Liz walks up to him. Mr. Parker: From North Western University. An acceptance letter? Liz: Well either that or a dig letter. The bell rings and they both look over. Michael: Sorry. Your orbit rings are ready. Mr.Parker sighs and hands the letter to Liz. As she takes it she gets a flash. She sees that it is an acceptance letter. Liz: I've been accepted. Mr.Parker: You haven't even opened it yet She opens the letter and smiles at her dad. Liz: I did, I got in. (he hugs her) Mr.Parker: Whew hew! Maria looks on Kyle: (clapping) I gotta do something with my life. At the Valenti's house. Kyle: Anyway, thank's for taking this meeting. Boss: Meeting? You just said you were springin' for lunch. Kyle: All right but, I thought we could talk a little. Boss: Are you going to complain? Look, trailer sewage is part of the job buddy. Kyle: It's not about that. It's just that I-I've actually, I've been thinking about my future. Boss: Oh so it's a money thing. Well, look all the salary's are frozen. Do you watch t.v.? No we're in the middle of a recession I can't be dolin' out money Kyle: No-no-no. That's not don't worry about it. Um. I think that I have a lot to offer. Jim walks in and listens in. Kyle: Maybe we can expand, one day even open a new garage. Anyway I was just, I was wondering if you Would consider taking on a partner? Boss: Partner? Look I'm sorry but that's not the way things work. You're a kid. You're not even my Mechanic. You're an assistant. Kyle: Yeah you're right let's just drop it. Boss: Partner. Sounds a little crazy. (laughs) Valenti looks away concerned for his son. At a Hotel. FBI Agent 1: One of my men picked this out of the rubble a few night's ago. He puts in the tape of Isabel into a player and plays it for the other agents. General: Is she the thing that destroyed our base? FBI Agent 1: Possibly. FBI Agent 3: There are several canditates. General: Can the Special Unit DEAL with this? FBI Agent 3: The Special Unit no longer exists. FBI Agent 1: Neither does this meeting. General: Right. FBI Agent 3: However the members of the unit do remain in contact with one another. General: Then you can take care of this FBI Agent 3: That's why you contacted us isn't it, General? General: We lost a lot of good people at Rodgers. I don't want it to happen again. FBI Agent 1: When this is over these creatures will never bother anyone ever again. Max: Congratulations. Liz: You said that already. Max: Oh (kisses Liz) Liz: But I like the way you say it. Max: You college girls. Liz: Hey we want to be loved for our minds not for our bodies. You serious, you know about wanting to Come with me. Max: I've never been more serious. What a great mind you have. Liz: No, I don't think that's my mind. But keep looking, I'm sure you'll find it. Max: Really. Liz: Umhmm. Remember I can tell the future. And tonight. Your future looks very very bright. Liz kisses him and as she does she gets a flash of the 4 of them being shot and killed. First Max, then Michael, then Isabel and finally her. She sits back stunned. Max: What. Liz: We're all going to be killed. Liz and Max get everyone together and meet there. Liz: It was terrible we're all killed I saw it. Maria: All as in everybody? Liz: Max, Isabel, Michael and me. Michael: I dream we all get whacked ever other night. Why the meeting? Max: Liz started to have premonitions. From touching people. Uh, she saw a woman about to be killed in An armed robbery. We followed them and we were able to stop it. Jesse: You believe it you think this could really happen? Max: I think we should all take this seriously. Michael: Ok, so where do we get popped? When do we get popped? And who pops us? Liz: I don't know. The flashes were sort of impressionistic. Jim: We need more information. Isabel: Where were you. Where were you when you had the flashes? Max: Here. Kyle: You said you got these flashes from touching people. Liz: We were. I was touching people. Maria: How Cozy Isabel: I think we should just focus on what we should do next. Max: Right. Uh, we should all stay on guard. Liz and I will attempt to ah Kyle: Achieve another flash? Max: Seems like the thing to do. Maria: So I ah, I take it I have no homework right. Ok. So ah, I gotta speak to you spaceboy? We have an appointment tommorrow. Michael and Maria go for a visit at the Psychics. Psychic: So what do you want out of this relationship? I mean where did each of you see yourselves? Say 5 years from now. Michael: The current theory is I'm gonna be dust. Psychic: Dust? Michael: Dead. Ca-put. Finito Michaelito. No offense can we get to the part where you take out your Crystal ball and I wanna get back in time for WWF. Maria: I apologize for him. Michael please, I really just, I need for you to try and help me figure this out All right. Michael: You're the one who broke up with me two seconds after you sucked face with your ex-boyfriend. Maria: What about that thing with Courtney last year? Michael: Those were extenuating circumstances. She was a Michael worshipper. Maria: Oh, there are always extenuating circumstances aren't there? You know what? I'm just sick of it. I am sick of it Michael. They both look at the psychic who is looking at them as if they both have a screw loose. Maria: Um, I apologize, I See we're hopeless. Psychic: Maria would you mind if I speak to Michael alone for a few minutes? Maria: Why? I want to hear everything you have to say though. Psychic: This is not about you and Michael. This is much bigger than your relationship. Maria: Of course it is. Everything always is, isn't it. Ok. Pyschic: Michael. Something bad is about to happen. She turns over the cards as Michael looks on perplexed. Psychic: Very bad. And there is only one way to keep it from happening. You must believe in the love. Michael: Believe in the love. I have no idea what that means. Psychic: I know you don't. But try to. It could save your life and others. Michael: I think you're a fraud. She holds up a card for him to take. Psychic: So you don't forget. He takes it and it is the Lovers card. He walks out to find Maria waiting for him. Michael: Come on, she's a flake. Let's go. Maria: I don't believe this. You are not going to tell me what she said. You know this is so indicitive. Michael: Shut up! She goes to stop him and he blows up a flower pot with his powers. Then we see the shot in a picture on a table in the hotel room with the FBI. Back at wherever (either Liz's, Michael's apartment) Max and Liz on a bed together trying to achieve another flash. Liz: Tough job. Max: Yeah somebody's gotta do it. Liz: So what's happening to me Max. I mean what does this mean, am I becoming one of you? Max: I don't know but whatever is happening we're together now. They kiss some more and Liz gets another flash. She sees a man at a podeum and then, them getting shot Again. She sits up. Max: Did you see something? Liz: I saw you get killed again. Whoa what a second there was someone there. I've seen him before. Max: Who was it? She gets off the bed and starts looking for something. Liz: That face. I know I've seen that face before. Where is that. She grabs a book. It has a picture of a man with the name Bryce McCain. Liz: This is him. He was there the moment that you got, the moment that you got killed. I mean, he was giving a speech or something. Max: Bryce McCain? He's going to be the guest of honor at the UFO Convention. We die June 12th. Liz: That's less than 2 weeks. Max: We have 12 days to figure out how to stop it. At the Pod Chamber. They gather together again. Michael: So who's this Bryce McCain? Liz: He's a science fiction novelist and he'll be at the UFO Convention. Max: So we have less than 2 weeks before we're all killed. Maria: Gosh, how does this happen? And why now? Liz: Well it probably has something to do with Tess destroying the base. Michael: Maybe they found your mom's videotape. Isabel: What now it's my fault? Michael: I'm just saying they put it together pretty quick. Jesse: Look. It's not going to help to point fingers. Ok. Jim: He's right. We need to come up with a plan as a team. Michael: Team? Look at us, it's rediculous. Maria: Michael you're not helping. Max: She's right. Michael: Ok, fine then help. What's the plan? They all look at Max. Max: I won't make this decision for everyone. I've given up the throne. I'm not a king. And your not my second in command. And you're not a princess. We're just fighting for our lives. Isabel: Well then we need to start planning on how to fight back. Michael: I got a better idea. Why don't we get out of Dodge before they land on us? I mean, we leave. Kyle: And where do we go? Michael: Anywhere but here. I mean, let's face it. They know who we are, it's over. We leave Roswell, We leave fast and we leave as quietly as we can. We all go seperately. Maria: Seperately? Michael: Right now we're safer as individuals, then we are as a group. I mean, what are we all going to do if we go together? Get a van? If we go quietly into the night. Each of us on our own. If they get some of Us, maybe they don't get all of us. Jim: Wait a minute. We all go? Michael: Right now the only ones in danger, according to the crystal ball here are, me, Max, Isabel and Liz. So the rest of you are safe. You can stay here. Maria: Oh what, so now I'm not invited? Michael: Maria. Maria: You're just, you're just gonna leave me here, I mean. You know this is incred . This is perfect. This is just a perfect way to end this entire stupid thing. Forget it. Fine. Goodbye, Good luck. She goes to leave and Michael makes to go after her but Liz steps in. Liz: Hey. Let me. They go off. Max: If we're gonna go we shouldn't hesitate. We should start leaving right after graduation. One at a time. And we don't look back. Liz: Maria. Maria: What! Liz: Wait! Where. Maria what is your problem? What's your problem! Maria: I have risked my life. I have given up everything. I mean, every other friend I've ever had I've Completely blown off. My mother doesn't even know me anymore. And now that it's all over, you're one of them. You're part of it. You're gonna go off with them and leave me in Roswell when I'm gonna be stuck here just a waitress for the rest of my life. Liz: Can you really look at me and say this! I am most likely about to get killed in 12 days and what are you saying? You are saying that you are pissed off because you're not getting killed too? Maria: Yes. I don't I ‘m falling apart here Liz Ok. I know I'm rediculous right now. I know I sound crazy but I... Liz: All I have heard for the past five months is how you want out of the alien chaos. And now, what you want back in? Maria! Maria: I just Liz: Maria. Which one is it? Do you want in or do you want out? Maria: I don't know. I don't know which one is better for me? You can see the future Liz, please. Tell me, Hold me hand maybe you'll have a flash, just tell me which one is better for me Liz: Maria, maria, maria. (she places her hands on her friends face) Listen to me, You've got to stop. Ok. Who knows. All right. I can see the future. And I have no idea. Look, maybe you just, you need to try and decide what you want and then go get it. Ok? They hug each other. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Well I guess we stay here huh. Kyle: Yeah this'll be fun. We could take bets on when they're gonna repossess our house. Jim: I made a call on your behalf. Kyle: What are you talking about? Jim hands Kyle a badge. Kyle: What's this? Jim: Local Police badge. Sheriff Hanson wants to give you a shot in the sheriff's office. Kyle: Dad. This is the last thing I want to do with my life. Being a cop like you and grandpa that's My worst nightmare. Jim: Hey you can do whatever the hell you want but this badge is an honor. And being a law enforcement Officer is not a nightmare it's a dream. Kyle: Your dream. Why the hell are you calling in favors to get me a badge anyway. And all this time You haven't lifted a finger to get your own badge back. He walks away. Jesse: I'll call Boston and tell them to give the job to someone else. Isabel: No. Take the job. We'll go to Boston. We'll figure out a way, I'm not just gonna let this stop Us anymore. Jesse: Isabel are you sure? Isabel: Yes. Take the job. They hug. Isabel: I can't believe it's all ending this way. Michael: Well I'm not graduating so I guess I'll be the first to leave. Max: Michael, look. Michael: Uh, I'm travelling light, so you can have my Metallica Cd's. Max: I know things between us have been a little uh Michael: Eh uh, Maxwell don't cause, I can. (can't?) He hugs Michael as they all gather around. At the hotel room they have pictures laid out on the table in front of the woman Max and Liz saved. FBI Agent 1: The sooner you help us Mrs, Mills, the sooner you can return home. Mrs. Mills: They helped me. They saved my life. FBI Agent 3: I'm sure you're two children will be very happy to see you. It's getting late. She looks up at them and looks at the pictures. She picks out Max and Liz. FBI Agent 1: Thank you. Mrs. Mills: Can I go now? She grabs her purse and they stand. FBI Agent 1: You were never here. (she nods) You never saw us. Agent 3 walks her out and Agent one sorts through the picture and puts Michael, Max, Liz and Isabel on The top of the pile. FBI Agent 1: These four. This is everyone. Now we can move. FBI Agent 3: Where? FBI Agent 1: Some place where they're all together. Indoors. A facility we can lock down. Some place Where they won't expect it to happen. Maria walks up to Michael's. Maria: I thought you were leaving? Michael: I am. But I just wanted I don't know. Maria: To say goodbye? Michael: I wanted to say that this whole thing has been screwed up from the beginning. You and me. Us, Just the whole long stupid story. Maria: Thanks. Michael: But I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's meant so much to me. You know, from day one, from The moment that I kidnapped you and stole your car. I knew you were the girl for me. I never wanted any One else. Maria: Michael. Michael: I still don't just, wherever I'm going, whatever I'm doing just know I'll always love you. He starts his bike and leaves. Maria: Wait., no, you just can't say that and Liz and Max on the crashdown's balcony. Liz is lighting candles and Max is folding a blanket. Max: Liz, I've been thinking about what happened before. We saved that woman's life. Liz: I know. Max: I just, I have this weird feeling about it. Liz: Oh, what do you mean. Max: Uh, I've just been feeling like (he walks over to the barbecue) I have no path, You know. No where to go. Maybe th- maybe that's why I've been put here. To help people. Maybe that's what I should do with my life after I leave Roswell. Liz: Like Tom Jode in Grapes of Wrath. Doing good deeds and avoiding the law. Max: The thing is that I can't do that without you. Liz: I would do anything if it means being with you. He smiles at her and lifts the barbecue lid and takes out a piece of coal. Max: Trick I learned from Superman. Let's see if it really works. Max uses his powers on the charcoal and his hand glows. He rubs it off with his shirt and walks to Liz. He then gets on his knees and holds a perfect diamond out to Liz. Liz: Oh my. Max: Liz. They're taking our home from us. They wanna kill us and they might. But when I look in your Eyes, I don't feel angry or deprived. I feel like the luckiest half-human on the planet. You're pure. You're, you're true and you're real. And right now that seems like the only thing that's important. I wanna Be with you Liz. Forever. Liz: Forever may only be 12 days. He puts the diamond in her hand and closes it. Max: Then we'll take those 12 days and we'll live 12 lifetimes. Liz Parker. Will you marry me? Liz then gets down on her knees. Liz: Yes. They go to kiss. Max: After Graduation. Liz: Ok. Liz nods and they kiss. Principle: Congratulations. Max looks back at Liz and smiles. Principle: Congratulations and as we continue to honor our senior class. We'd like to give them a few Of our own words of wisdom. Before we send them out into the world as highschool graduates. So now it's my pleasure to introduce our special guest for this evening. A three time Hugo award winner for excellency in science fiction and an international best-selling author. Bryce McCain. As he walks on the stage they all know they are in trouble. Max looks back at Liz. Bryce: Much of my work is about the possibility of alien life. Of course, that's fiction. But the truth is, That we're all aliens really in our own way. Especially in highschool. So FBI Agent: This is Viceroy. All shooters report in, please. FBI Agent: This is Bulldog. My target is in the clear. (He centers on Max) FBI Agent: This is Terrier. My target is in the clear. (He centers on Liz) FBI Agent: This is pointer. My target is in the clear. (He centers on Isabel) FBI Agent: This is Viceroy. All shooters stand by. Do not fire until the rest of the unit has arrived. Repeat. Do not fire until the rest of the unit has arrived to provide ground control and secure the facility. A whole whack of black sedans drive up while Michael watches on. He pulls out the Lovers card and Drives off. Bryce: When I, I sat down to write this speech I was struck by the similarities between what I do and the Situation that you find yourselves in now. (Max looks back at Liz again) Believe in what could be. About having faith. That life and the universe holds more than what we perceive. As you contemplate your Max gets up and walks toward the stage. FBI Agent: We've got movement. Target is active. Target is active. FBI Agent: Bulldog. Maintain target. Keep the kid in your sights. FBI Agent: What the hell is he doing? Max walks up to Bryce. Max: You need to leave the building right now. Bryce: What? Max: It's for your own safety. Max uses the author's notes as an example. He changes the notes to read: Leave now for your own safety. Max: Just walk away. Bryce leaves and Max takes the Podium. Max: Hi. I'm uh, I'm Max Evans. I thought I'd take this opportunity to ah, to say a few things on behalf Of myself and the graduating class He reaches down and uses his powers on a power cable as a result the lights go out except for a spotlight on himself. FBI Agent: I've lost target. FBI Agent: So have I. FBI Agent: Bulldog still has a lock. As max talks Isabel and Liz and the others get away. Max: Some of us are, are here tonight to walk across this stage and get our hard earned diplomas and toss Our caps in the air. (Mr.Evans looks over confused) But there's another group here tonight. A group of People who are here for another reason all together. They're here to say goodbye. Goodbye to their highschool lives Isabel looks at Jesse. Isabel: This is it. She takes off her rings and hands them to Jesse. Isabel: Maybe in my next life. Max: Goodbye to their families, friends, Mr.Evans: What's going on? Isabel: Max and I have to leave. There's no time to explain, but Jesse will give you the details. Mom and Dad I love you so much. I am so grateful that you know the truth. Mr.Evans: We love you. Isabel hugs her mom. Isabel: I'm sorry. She gets up, hugs her dad and leaves. Max: You see this group has been through a lot. And tonight is the night they've decided to call it quits. Jesse looks sadly at the rings in his hand. Max: It's been a long hard road for them. They have a lot of wounds. (Liz takes a last look at Max and leaves) They've lost people. People that were close to them. (Isabel looks at Max and leaves) They've Had each other to cling to but tonight that's all coming to an end. (He looks up and around) FBI Agent 1: What's going on? Do you have them or not? FBI Agent: This is pointer. I don't see her. FBI Agent: This is terrier. I've lost my target too. FBI Agent: Bulldog still has a clean shot. Should I take it? FBI Agent 1: Wait 1 more we're almost in position. Max: I'm a member of that group of, outsiders. I always knew I was different. And for a long, long time All I wanted was to be another face in the crowd. But in the end, it wasn't possible. I guess it never was. So from now on, I'll just concentrate on being who I really am. Some of you might not like that. Some of You might even find that frightening. But that's not my problem anymore. I have to be who I really am. And let fate take care of the rest. So thank you, Roswell, thank you for, for letting me live among you. Thank you for giving me a family. (Mr. and Mrs. Evans watch on) Thank you for giving me a home. The FBI Agents smash in the door and walk in. The swat teams file in the room. FBI Agent 1: We're in position. Take it. The FBI Agent centers on Max and is preparing to take the shot, when suddenly everyone is blinded by a Bright light and the sound of a motorcycle engine revving. FBI Agent: Lost my target, lost my target. Can't see anything. What the hell's going on. FBI Agent: Maintain target. Maintain target. Michael dives up on the stage on his motorcycle. Michael: Let's go! Max jumps on the back of Michael's bike and the take off like a bat out of hell, going right through the FBI Agents and through the door. Back at the Pod chamber. Michael: Modesty prevents me from taking a bow. Liz: They probably don't know anything about you Kyle. You could still go back. Kyle: Even if by some miracle they haven't put me together with the rest of you guys there's still the little Matter of my latent alien powers. Someday I'll be buzzing and crackling like tinfoil in a microwave and I'd just as soon be with my own kind when it happens. Michael: Does he really get to start referring to us as his own kind. Maria: I'm not going back either. Liz: No? Maria: No, my future's here. Michael: Maria, think about what you're saying. Maria: I have and this is my choice. (She walks over to Michael) This is what I want. And whatever that is in the end that's what it'll be but we're doing it together. Michael hugs her close. Max: So now there's six. Michael: Like I said, we're going to need a van. Just then what pulls up but a VW van. Yeah! Max, Isabel and Michael prepare to use their powers. Jesse jumps out. Jesse: Look don't wait, wait! Don't, don't shoot or blast. Or whatever it is that you do. Ok. Isabel runs and hugs him. Jesse: I'm going with you. Isabel: No. Jesse you can't. Jesse: To hell with Boston. An, and to hell with a career, and a normal life. Whatever that is. I love you. (She starts to cry) That's all that matters to me. Isabel: The fact that you would come here, and you're willing to do this. It means more to me then you will ever know. But I can't let you do it. Jesse: Isabel. Isabel: No. I dragged you into this whole thing without ever telling you the truth and it was wrong. And the only way to make it right is to let you go. So go, go to Boston. Start over just, have the life that you were supposed to have before you met me. Jesse: I'm not going without you. Isabel: You have to. Jesse: Will you come back to me? Isabel: I will keep praying, that some day it will be safe enough. Jesse: Well, I'm going to count on that. He puts her rings back on her finger, and kisses her hand. She hugs him again. Isabel: I love you. She kisses him and walks away. Driving along in the VW Van. They drive into a roadblock with a police car that just happens to turn out to be Jim. Kyle gets out of the van and walks over to his dad. Jim: I hear I missed quite a ceremony. Kyle laughs. Kyle: I don't think they're gonna forget class of 2002. It's a nice outfit. Deputy. Jim: Yeah. Yeah well when you're starting over you gotta start somewhere right? Kyle: Right. Jim: I uh, I won't ask you where you're going so I can honestly say I don't know. But I can tell you there Are a lot of people looking for you. (Kyle nods) Right now they think you're headed South to Mexico. Kyle: Why do they think that? Jim: I guess they got an anonymous tip. (Jim smiles) I can get you to Arizona and then you're on your own. (Kyle nods) I mean you're really on your own. Kyle: Thanks dad. Jim: (tearing) It's the least I could do. Kyle: I mean, thanks for just thanks. Jim takes of his hat and hugs his son. Kyle: I love you dad. Jim: I love you too. Kyle: All right. Kyle walks back and gets in the Van. Liz: I can't tell you much more than that it wouldn't be safe. For you or for us. I can tell you that we're far away and that we're all trying to avoid the law and do good in the world. (Mr.Parker reading Liz's journal) Oh, and I guess I should tell you that (Outside a small white chapel) Max and I did eventually tie the knot. (Max and Liz kiss while Maria throws flowers at them) Give my love to mom. Let her read this journal too. (Mr.Parker starts to tear) Then give it to Maria's mom and after that take it and burn it out in the desert by the ruins of the pod chamber where my husband was born. (Isabel gives Max and Liz a hug) So that's the end. Our life in Roswell. What a long strange trip it's been. (Liz takes Max's hand and they get into the van.) Will we ever go back? I don't know. Even I can't see everything in the future. All I know is that I'm Liz Parker and I'm happy. (she closes the van door with a serene smile on her face) Thank you for visiting Roswell is what we see as they drive off into the wild blue yonder. The end.

Plan: A: their high school graduation; Q: What event is approaching in the series finale? A: terms; Q: What do the Roswell gang have to come to with their expectations for the future? A: FBI; Q: Who is the group trying to thwart? A: Liz; Q: Who begins exhibiting alien-like powers? A: their deaths; Q: What does Liz see visions of? Summary: In the series-finale episode of the program, as their high school graduation approaches, the Roswell gang must come to terms with their expectations for the future, while joining together to thwart the FBI when they discover that several members of the group are under surveillance. Meanwhile, Liz begins exhibiting even more alien-like powers, that cause her to see visions of their future - including their deaths.

DOCTOR WHO AND THE SILURIANS BY: MALCOLM HULKE 5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1. INT. CAVES (Searching for the spot where Davis and Spencer had their fateful accident, the DOCTOR climbs between a narrow crevice and upwards into a small cranny, where he discovers several large loops of climbing rope. There is a faint roar from somewhere nearby. (The DOCTOR looks around and notices a small opening, which although quite narrow, appears to lead to a much larger space. He puts aside the rope and cautiously climbs through the opening into a much larger chamber. He looks around the space, seeing nothing. After several moments he turns back to retreat through the opening, when there is a colossal roar behind him. (The DOCTOR turns to stare upwards at a carnivorous dinosaur of the same mould as the Allosaurus or Tyrannosaurus rex. It reaches down at him with it's sharp fore-claws, and trapped in the opening all the DOCTOR can do is raise an arm over his face in self-defence... (As the claw comes down to strike him, there is a signal of three descending notes, and instead of striking him, the claw merely hovers over the DOCTOR. The dinosaur is in a ferocious mood, but the three note signal is repeated over and over again until it leaves the Doctor alone. (The DOCTOR cautiously follows the dinosaur several steps in the direction it had gone, where he finds a giant footprint, easily several hand spans in length.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. INT. CONFERENCE ROOM (LIZ and the BRIGADIER stand before an board with a caving map pinned to it; the BRIGADIER indicates a gallery of the caves with his swagger stick.) BRIGADIER: You're sure this is where he's making for? LIZ: Pretty sure. He wanted to see the exact place where the accident happened. BRIGADIER: I must say Miss Shaw, if only you'd come to me earlier. LIZ: I'm sorry but he asked me not to tell you. BRIGADIER: I could have sent down a search party immediately. LIZ: That's just what he didn't want. BRIGADIER: He deserves all he gets, no sense at all. (Major BAKER enters carrying some ropes, lights and other gear.) BAKER: I've collected all the equipment I can lay my hands on, and I've alerted the local rescue team. They'll mount a follow-up search as soon as they can. LIZ: This is very good of you Major Baker. BRIGADIER: I'm only sorry that a member of my staff should be causing so much trouble, we're supposed to be helping you. BAKER: The main thing is to get your Doctor out of those caves as soon as possible. How many men have you sir? BRIGADIER: Five or six, and Captain Hawkins. More on the way from HQ. BAKER: Well I suggest we start a preliminary search just as soon as we can. BRIGADIER: Right we've arranged to go in five minutes. BAKER: Right sir. (With typically quirky timing, a tall figure wearing potholing gear and a red cravat appears in the doorway.) DOCTOR: Well this all looks very exciting. May I come too? [SCENE_BREAK] 3. INT. CYCLOTRON ROOM (LAWRENCE and QUINN are standing right in front of the drum of the cyclotron which is giving off a dull red glow.) LAWRENCE: Surely you must have found some explanation. QUINN: Both generator and cyclotron are functioning perfectly. Excuse me. (He crosses to the secondary control desk and picks up the microphone.) QUINN: Miss Dawson, electron voltage readings please. DAWSON: (Out of view.) Two thousand million, power steady, all systems at normal. LAWRENCE: Everything's in perfect order, except for the fact that these power losses still keep on recurring. QUINN: We are trying everything possible. LAWRENCE: Yes, I know, I'm sorry. (They go up to the upper control room where QUINN takes over from Miss DAWSON at the main controls.) QUINN: Thank you, Miss Dawson. (LAWRENCE looks out through the glass partition at the cyclotron drum.) LAWRENCE: This project started off so well. Still, we're not the only ones with problems. QUINN: Oh? LAWRENCE: UNIT. That ridiculous Doctor of theirs got himself lost in the caves. QUINN: Are they searching for him? LAWRENCE: They were, but the, the fellow turned up again. QUINN: That's very fortunate. LAWRENCE: Let me know if you find anything wrong, won't you. QUINN: Yes of course. (LAWRENCE leaves through the outer door and QUINN settles back in the control chair.) DAWSON: If they had started searching those caves... QUINN: Well they're not going to, are they, so we needn't worry. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. INT. CONFERENCE ROOM (The DOCTOR, Major BAKER, LIZ, the BRIGADIER and Captain HAWKINS are drinking coffee whilst holding a review of the DOCTOR's expedition to the caves. BAKER takes a cup for himself and for LIZ across on the far side of the room and sits down.) DOCTOR: Anybody would think you were disappointed that I didn't get lost. LIZ: Come on Doctor, you get everyone worried, then turn up safe and sound. BAKER: You shouldn't have gone sir. DOCTOR: Well it produced results, didn't it? BRIGADIER: Subterranean Loch Ness Monster? Very helpful. DOCTOR: Oh, so you don't believe me? BRIGADIER: Oh I believe you saw something. The question is what. LIZ: You weren't very specific. DOCTOR: Well I hardly had time to draw its picture, did I. All I can tell you is that it was something very, very large, and something very, very alive. LIZ: Could it have been prehistoric? DOCTOR: Well it was certainly some kind of dinosaur, certainly nothing that I've ever seen before though. BAKER: In museums you mean? DOCTOR: No I do not mean in museums! (Mulls the idea over.) Well, on second thoughts, perhaps... perhaps I do, yes. BAKER: (Crossing to the BRIGADIER's desk.) Look sir. Suppose there is sabotage going on, and a large group hiding in the caves have faked up some kind of monster. LIZ: To scare people away. BAKER: And to account for the unexplained deaths. The noise the Doctor heard, could have been machinery. BRIGADIER: What do you think Doctor? DOCTOR: Well it's a possibility. I suppose. BRIGADIER: (Standing.) Well whatever it is, we must check up on it. BAKER: (Standing.) I'll be glad to go with you sir. BRIGADIER: We'll all go. Except Miss Shaw. LIZ: Oh just a minute. I'm not going to miss all the fun... BRIGADIER: No Miss Shaw. LIZ: Have you never heard of female emancipation? DOCTOR: Liz, this time, I think he's right. BAKER: Your men will be armed sir? BRIGADIER: Small arms, grenades, nothing very substantial. BAKER: Hmm, we'll be a bit short on firepower. DOCTOR: That's typical of the military mind, isn't it. Present them with a new problem, and they start shooting at it! BRIGADIER: Yes, well I'll inform the Director of my decision. (The BRIGADIER marches out of the conference room.) DOCTOR: (Shouting after him.) It's not the only way you know, just blasting away at things! BAKER: Oh don't worry Doctor, we'll make sure your prehistoric friend gets a sporting chance. We won't shoot until we see the whites of its eyes, huh? (He pats the DOCTOR on the back.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5. INT. CAVES (The DOCTOR leads the party of UNIT soldiers and Major BAKER through the cave gallery where he was attacked by the dinosaur, and subsequently found its footprint.) DOCTOR: I found the footprint over here sir. BRIGADIER: Well, Doctor? DOCTOR: Well it was here. (However there is simply no trace of the footprint - it has been filled in with the same desiccated sand and gravel found in the rest of the cave.) DOCTOR: (Frustrated.) Well it's dried up isn't it, anyone can see that. BRIGADIER: I'm afraid I can't see anything at all. (There is a faint noise in the distance.) BAKER: Listen! Shall I take a look sir? (He goes racing off, almost without waiting for the BRIGADIER's order.) BRIGADIER: Yes alright. Captain Hawkins, take a couple of men and go with Major Baker. (HAWKINS turns to the nearest soldiers.) HAWKINS: Very good sir. You two come with me. (Major BAKER has already raced out of sight through the cave.) HAWKINS: Major Baker! (Urgently.) Come on you two! (He is still waiting for the other UNIT soldiers who haven't been as alert as either BAKER or HAWKINS.) HAWKINS: (Calling ahead.) Wait for us sir! [SCENE_BREAK] 6. INT. ANOTHER PART OF THE CAVES (Racing through the caves, BAKER comes across a man-like figure standing at the other end of a narrow space. He raises his rifle.) BAKER: Hey you there! Halt! Or I fire! (The shadowy figure doesn't seem to pay the least attention to BAKER, who indeed shoots a couple of rounds at it. Clearly one of the shots strikes its target, and the shape flees away to one side. Suddenly there is a mammoth roar, and BAKER is aware of a large object looming close by to him on one side. He turns around, looks up, and sees... something prehistoric and huge! Whatever it is, he begins shooting at it with little or no effect. A huge claw lashes out at his arm and swipes him to the ground.) BAKER: Ahh! (Nearby, the BRIGADIER, DOCTOR and the other UNIT soldiers hear BAKER's scream of pain and the loud roaring. Again there is a distant sound of a descending three note signal.) DOCTOR: Come on! (He leads the party towards the noise. They race into a large cavern where they find Major BAKER lying prone on the ground. The roaring sound gradually fades away in the distance.) BRIGADIER: What happened [Captain] Hawkins? HAWKINS: No idea, we found him like this when we got here. (The DOCTOR and a UNIT soldier carefully prop BAKER up and comfort him. BAKER is clearly delirious from the attack.) DOCTOR: That's alright old chap. Take it easy. Take it easy. BAKER: I saw some... someone down there. I fired over his head. I think I hit him... Ricochet. BRIGADIER: Did he attack you? (Suddenly BAKER remembers the rest of the encounter.) BAKER: No, something else. Bullets... bullets wouldn't stop! (BAKER begins thrashing around in terror at the recollection.) DOCTOR: Take it easy! Stop! (To the soldier also supporting BAKER.) Hold that! (Together, the DOCTOR and the soldier prevent BAKER from injuring himself any further by lashing out. The BRIGADIER turns to the next nearest soldier.) BRIGADIER: Get the first aid kit, man, and some morphine. (To HAWKINS.) We'd better get him back to the centre. HAWKINS: Very good sir. BRIGADIER: Oh, Captain Hawkins? HAWKINS: Yes sir? BRIGADIER: Before you do that, take a look up there and be careful. (The BRIGADIER points in the direction BAKER indicated he was shooting. HAWKINS draws his pistol and heads towards the end of the cave.) HAWKINS: Sir. (The BRIGADIER turns to the DOCTOR who has picked up and is examining BAKER's rifle, the end of which has been bent as though it were a plastic straw.) BRIGADIER: What do you make of it, Doctor? DOCTOR: Well, obviously, Baker shot at something he thought was a man. Then something else attacked Baker. BRIGADIER: The prehistoric creature that attacked you? DOCTOR: Oh, it seems very likely, doesn't it. HAWKINS: (Out of view.) Sir! Something over here sir. (The BRIGADIER and the DOCTOR go across into a new cavern, followed by the rest of the soldiers.) HAWKINS: Ricochet marks on the rocks sir. And look over here; traces of blood, spots leading this way. BRIGADIER: We'd better follow them. Doctor? (The DOCTOR is crouching to obtain a blood sample from the traces on the ground.) DOCTOR: No. I'll get back to the hospital with these blood samples. In any case I can give a hand to carry Baker. BRIGADIER: Right Morton, give the Doctor a hand, the rest, follow me. (The BRIGADIER sets off to be stopped by the DOCTOR's warning.) DOCTOR: Brigadier! You'll be careful, won't you. After all, you don't really know what you're following, you know. (The BRIGADIER nods in acknowledgement, and leads him men onwards. The DOCTOR continues to collect blood from the scene of the shooting.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7. EXT. CAVE OPENING. MOORLAND. DAY (We see a scaly green hand grasp a rock, and then following it a man-like shape emerges into the fading daylight, breathing heavily. It takes in and considers its surroundings with the aid of trinocular vision, and selecting a dense clump of bushes to take refuge in, begins bashing through the countryside.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8. INT. LABORATORY WITHIN THE RESEARCH CENTRE (The DOCTOR peers into a microscope, under which is the blood sample from the cave.) LIZ: Well Doctor? DOCTOR: (Displeased.) Well see for yourself. (The DOCTOR gives up his seat to LIZ, who takes his place and adjusts the microscope to her eye. After a moment, she ventures a nervous opinion.) LIZ: Oh... I know this may seem a little far-fetched, but there are resemblances to... DOCTOR: ...certain of the larger reptiles? LIZ: Yes. DOCTOR: Precisely. (A technician ushers the BRIGADIER into the room.) BRIGADIER: Bad news Doctor, we lost it. DOCTOR: Oh no. BRIGADIER: Well there's a lot of moorland out there. Anyway it was getting dark. DOCTOR: Yes I suppose so. (The DOCTOR heads over to the sink to wash out the test tubes from his tests.) LIZ: What are you going to do now? BRIGADIER: I've sent to HQ for some more men, we'll mount a full-scale search in the morning. Doctor, have you got any idea what we're looking for? DOCTOR: No, not yet. So far our tests have proved a bit inconclusive. BRIGADIER: There'll be the devil to pay if Baker shot some innocent potholer. Oh how is he by the way? LIZ: Well there was some bruising, and one arm was clawed, and there's a possibility of mild concussion. DOCTOR: Poor chap. Mind you, he was behaving very irresponsibly, blazing away like that. BRIGADIER: He was attacked, Doctor, just as you were. DOCTOR: Yes. But not by the thing that he shot at. Seems to me Brigadier, that you're missing the most important point. BRIGADIER: Which is? DOCTOR: That when Baker was attacked, and when I was attacked, the thing was called off before it could do any real harm. LIZ: Davis was killed though. DOCTOR: Yes I know. But in my opinion, there are two kinds of creature down in that cave. A large and ferocious one, and a smaller, much more intelligent kind that controls the first, and may not be hostile. BRIGADIER: It's a bit hard to accept one monster, let alone two. Still whatever it is, we'll know in the morning. DOCTOR: Yes and by that time it might be a little too late. (The BRIGADIER and LIZ share a worried glance.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. EXT. FARM. NIGHT (Again we see the world from the trinocular viewpoint of the injured creature from the cave, as it heads towards the bright windows of a farm after night has fallen. It comes to a squeaking gate which it manipulates open with its scaly, three-clawed hand, and then walks through into the yard. It looks around and sees a stable and a barn, and selecting the barn as the more secluded building, rushes across to it, inside through the unlocked wooden door, and seeing stacked bales of hay it decides to bury itself amidst them...) [SCENE_BREAK] 10. INT. CYCLOTRON ROOM (Though clearly late in the evening, Dr LAWRENCE is interrogating Miss DAWSON about the disappearance of his number two.) LAWRENCE: Simply to disappear at a time like this! DAWSON: Doctor Quinn has been working very long hours under a considerable strain. LAWRENCE: So have we all. (The DOCTOR enters from the outer door of the cyclotron room.) DOCTOR: Oh I'm so sorry, I was looking for Doctor Quinn. LAWRENCE: You're not the only one. DAWSON: He completed as many of the tests as he could, and then... then he simply had to go and rest. DOCTOR: Is he in his quarters? (Miss DAWSON tries unsuccessfully to dissemble.) DAWSON: Well no... LAWRENCE: Gone off to that cottage of his, has he? If he spent more time doing his job and less writing that book of his... (LAWRENCE leaves the accusation hanging in the air whilst he stalks off. He pauses at the door.) LAWRENCE: When he gets back, tell him I'd like to see him, would you? If he can spare a moment... (LAWRENCE exits, leaving Miss DAWSON clearly upset. As she sits down at her post the DOCTOR comes across and pats her shoulder.) DOCTOR: Don't worry my dear, we're all under a bit of a strain at the moment. DAWSON: Doctor Quinn works harder than anyone at this centre. DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes. Yes I'm sure he does. It's just that I'd... I'd rather like another word with him myself. It's about those power losses. (Miss DAWSON looks around at the DOCTOR in high suspicion.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11. INT. CAVES (We discover Dr QUINN has not retired to his cottage at all, but has gone potholing. He has taken a detailed map and is following a particular course to his destination; he stops for a moment to consult the map. (When he starts moving again, he is not quick enough to notice something scaly and equipped with powerful claws stepping aside so that it is out of view. QUINN draws near to what appears to be a black slab embedded in the rock, something which cannot possibly be a natural formation. He turns around and looks up, and is bathed in a red light accompanied by a high-pitched whirring sound. He is trapped in a force field, and his motions become jerky like a puppet. He raises his hands involuntarily and wheels around to where the black slab is retracting, revealing a passageway. (The interior of the passageway and connected rooms are lit in an eerie, subdued green light. Another scaly figure in the passageway moves quickly out of sight as QUINN, under the control of the force field, is brought into the secret hiding place like a marionette. He is quickly brought into a vacant room on one side of the corridor, which has a curious upright stand with two arms attached. QUINN is brought to lean up against this, and released from the force field he can lower his arms to rest. (QUINN looks around but the room is empty; directly ahead of him there is a white screen marked with curious indentations. A thick and reedy sounding voice, rich in inhuman-sounding overtones, urgently speaks to QUINN from behind the screen, but its owner is shielded from view.) VOICE: Why have you come? QUINN: I have come to warn you. There are men searching the caves, soldiers with weapons. VOICE: Your warning is too late. They have already attacked us. QUINN: What happened? VOICE: One of us was wounded. He was forced onto the surface. QUINN: Were any humans hurt? VOICE: That does not concern us. QUINN: You must stop taking power from the cyclotron. VOICE: We still need the power. We are not yet ready to make our own. QUINN: It's causing endless trouble, that's what brought the soldiers here. VOICE: One us of was wounded. We need your help to recover him. QUINN: How do you expect me to do that. The soldiers will be hunting for him, they will see me. I tell you it's impossible, I won't do it. VOICE: You refuse to help us, yet you expect our scientists to give you their secrets? QUINN: All you've given me so far are scraps of knowledge, hints. I must know. VOICE: You will be given the information when the wounded one is returned to us. (QUINN seems satisfied with this deal.) QUINN: Very well. What shall I do, how can I find him. VOICE: We will give you a summoning device. He will hear it, and come to you. (The interview is over. QUINN looks around to one side, where bathed in a green light is a small, triangular device with a large button on top, and a couple of small emitters on one side. QUINN picks up the summoning device, whereupon the force field springs on; bathed in red light his arms are pulled up and he is frog marched out the way he came...) [SCENE_BREAK] 12. EXT. SQUIRE'S FARM. DAY (It is early morning at SQUIRE's farm, and SQUIRE and his wife DORIS are going about their chores, which for SQUIRE means obtaining hay for his animals. He crosses the small courtyard between his house, stable and barn, carrying a pitchfork. (As luck would have it, the nearest pile of hay bales which SQUIRE selects is exactly that which the creature had buried itself within the previous night. Sticking his pitchfork into the bale and pulling it away, SQUIRE reveals a green, scaly hand with three claws. SQUIRE looks at the arm in utter disbelief.) SQUIRE: Doris! (SQUIRE runs back to the door of the barn, and thus turns his back on the creature.) SQUIRE: Doris! DORIS: What do you want? SQUIRE: Get on to the police! Tell them there's something in my barn! DORIS: What sort of something? SQUIRE: Some sort of freak! I saw it move in the hay! (We see from the trinocular vision of the creature that it is clearly somewhat taller than SQUIRE and bearing down on him.) SQUIRE: Well get on with it woman! (The creature is virtually on top of SQUIRE, who must be able to hear its laboured breathing. He turns around, in self-defence wielding the pitchfork, but then driving the creature back into the barn. In doing so he comes too close, and the creature is able to lash out with a claw across SQUIRE's face.) SQUIRE: Ahh! (SQUIRE yells and falls to the ground. His cry brings his wife to the barn, and looking from the door of the barn she screams in terror, covering her face.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13. INT. CONFERENCE ROOM (The conference room, temporarily converted into UNIT headquarters, is a scene of busy activity as the BRIGADIER plans the morning's search.) HAWKINS: Everything's organised sir, the choppers are already up and there are two platoons in support. BRIGADIER: Good, ask Major Peters to keep the men on standby. I'll be with him as soon as I can. HAWKINS: Very good sir. (As HAWKINS rushes to his desk we can see the surly figure of Dr LAWRENCE entering.) BRIGADIER: Oh good morning Director, I was about to come and see you. LAWRENCE: I realise you must be busy, particularly since you seem to be engaged in a full-scale military operation, with my research centre as it's HQ. (HAWKINS comes over and whispers in the BRIGADIER's ear whilst he is listening to LAWRENCE's blathering.) BRIGADIER: (Briskly.) Yes, I apologise for the inconvenience Director. (The BRIGADIER returns to studying the reports on his desk.) LAWRENCE: When you and your associates descended upon us, not I might add at any request of mine, I understood that your purpose was to put an end to the setbacks that have been plaguing us here. BRIGADIER: That is true sir. LAWRENCE: And what have you achieved? (The BRIGADIER sits down to argue his case with LAWRENCE.) BRIGADIER: To begin with, Miss Shaw has discovered an abnormally high rate of stress symptoms amongst your staff. LAWRENCE: There's bound to be a few weaklings. What about these power losses? BRIGADIER: The Doctor has spent most of the night examining the equipment here. LAWRENCE: Ah yes, your mysterious Doctor. With his sonic screwdriver. Is he qualified to make such an investigation? (At this opportune moment, the DOCTOR walks in with his typical elegant style. The BRIGADIER smiles beatifically at LAWRENCE as he pronounces:) BRIGADIER: The Doctor's qualified to do almost everything. DOCTOR: Well that's it then - nothing wrong with it. BRIGADIER: Nothing wrong with what? DOCTOR: With any of it. Cyclotron, remote control mechanisms, all of them - functioning perfectly. LAWRENCE: You can't possibly be sure. DOCTOR: My dear man, it's a perfectly simple piece of machinery. LAWRENCE: Oh! Then what is the explanation of these power losses? Magic? DOCTOR: The power from your reactor, like the mental state of your staff, has been affected by some outside influence. LAWRENCE: Indeed. And what do you propose to do about it. DOCTOR: It's more a question of what you propose to do about it. Until this influence has been discovered and dealt with, this establishment should be closed down completely. LAWRENCE: Out of the question. It would mean a tremendous setback to our research program. DOCTOR: (Incisively.) And to your career? (This comment only serves to rile LAWRENCE, who spins around with an icy glare.) LAWRENCE: I'm extremely dissatisfied Brigadier, with your conduct of this investigation, and with the behaviour of your ah, "associate". I intend to write to the Permanent Under-Secretary, and demand your recall. (The BRIGADIER tries to be unobjectionable in his mild reply.) BRIGADIER: That is your privilege Director, but whilst we are here perhaps you would let us carry on with our investigations. (LAWRENCE, having nothing more to say to either the BRIGADIER or the DOCTOR, sullenly leaves the conference room.) DOCTOR: Pompous idiot! Hmmph. Never could stand that man. (The DOCTOR goes round to the other side of the desk and sits jauntily in the chair opposite the BRIGADIER.) DOCTOR: Well Brigadier, all set to start playing soldiers, are we? (The BRIGADIER gives the DOCTOR a curiously uncomprehending look, but since the phone on his desk rings immediately he is spared giving reply to the DOCTOR's taunt. The half of the conversation that we can hear proceeds as follows:) BRIGADIER: Lethbridge-Stewart... Yes... yes... I see. Thank you very much. I'll be there as soon as I can. (The BRIGADIER puts down the phone.) BRIGADIER: Police. I asked them to let me know of any unusual occurrences. DOCTOR: And? BRIGADIER: Local farmer named Squire. Found dead in his barn. There were claw marks on his body. (This instantly has the DOCTOR's full attention.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14. EXT. SQUIRE'S FARM, BARN. DAY (Having examined SQUIRE's body, the DOCTOR pulls the blanket back over as the ambulance officers prepare to remove the corpse. There are vivid gashes across the left side of SQUIRE's face.) DOCTOR: Poor chap. LIZ: Are they the same marks as you found on Davis in the caves? DOCTOR: No, these were made by something quite different. Smaller perhaps, but very powerful. BRIGADIER: I thought you said the thing wasn't hostile. DOCTOR: Yes, (Picking up the pitchfork.) but I imagine that Squire attacked him with this. May have been cornered. (LIZ and the BRIGADIER look at one another, each clearly believing this to be an unpromising idea.) DOCTOR: What about the man's wife? BRIGADIER: She's at the local hospital, suffering from shock. DOCTOR: Yes, well I'd like a word with her. Perhaps you'd like to stay and do some forensic tests, Liz. LIZ: Yes of course. DOCTOR: Those claw marks - they weren't the cause of death, you know. BRIGADIER: Then what was? DOCTOR: Heart failure. You might say he died of fear. [SCENE_BREAK] 15. INT. HOSPITAL WARD. DAY (The DOCTOR leans close to the hospital bed where DORIS Squire lies.) DOCTOR: Now please. I want you tell me. What happened to your husband? Can you remember what happened to him? (DORIS is incoherent from shock. She uncomfortably writhes in the bed, avoiding looking at the DOCTOR, and as she remembers the encounter she turns away from him, nervously whimpering in recollected fear. The DOCTOR turns to the BRIGADIER who is standing behind him.) DOCTOR: She was found in the barn, paralysed with fear. She may have seen something. Have you got a pen? (The BRIGADIER mutely pulls his pen from his pocket and hands it to the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: And the chart please. (The BRIGADIER doesn't react, so the DOCTOR rudely points to the end of the bed.) DOCTOR: Chart! (The BRIGADIER retrieves the chart for the DOCTOR, who begins sketching out a rapid likeness across the paper. After a very brief time the DOCTOR shows his work to the BRIGADIER, hands back his pen, and moves back to DORIS.) DOCTOR: Now I want you to take a look at this. Have you ever seen anything like this before. (It is a fair likeness of the head, taken from the bipedal form drawn by Spencer on the wall of the sick bay at the research centre. DORIS instantly reacts to seeing it, and struggles to command her fear before eventually stammering out a reply.) DOCTOR: Yes? What? DORIS: K... killed him! DOCTOR: Yes? DORIS: K... killed him! DOCTOR: What happened then? Where did he go? DORIS: It... stayed... DOCTOR: Where? DORIS: In the barn. DOCTOR: In the barn? DORIS: In the barn! (The DOCTOR turns back to the BRIGADIER.) DOCTOR: Still there! BRIGADIER: Miss Shaw! (Realising the danger LIZ is in, they race from the hospital ward.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16. EXT. SQUIRE'S FARM, BARN. DAY (LIZ is kneeling, intent on collecting forensic evidence from the scene of Squire's death. She is facing towards the door, away from the main part of the barn. Once again, we see a scaly green hand appear, in one of the doorways. We hear the creature's laboured breathing, and see through its trinocular vision the shape of LIZ on the other side of the barn, bent over and facing away. The creature moves sideways, and we catch a glimpse of spinal fins down the middle of the creature's back. (LIZ continues to work with her bottles, swabs and other paraphernalia, completely unaware of the creature's presence. The creature re-emerges closer to LIZ, from behind the stack of hay bales a couple of yards behind LIZ. There is no mistaking that its target is to neutralise LIZ as it stalks towards her. (Perhaps hearing the creature's heavy breathing or the scuffing of its feet through the hay, at the last moment she looks around. Through the creature's eyes we see it rush at LIZ, swipe a scaly hand across her face... LIZ screams... she is hurled to the ground on the hay...)

Plan: A: people; Q: Who does the Doctor try to convince there are monsters in the caves? A: a reptile man; Q: What does Major Baker start shooting at? Summary: The Doctor attempts to convince people there are monsters in the caves, prompting Major Baker to start shooting at a reptile man.

{Transcriber's Note: Rachel has two friends that are not named, so I referred to them as Friend No. 1 and Friend No. 2.} [Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there including Janice.] Janice: Janice has a question. Who of the six of you has sleep with the six of you? Phoebe: Wow, it's like a dirty math problem. Ross: I'm sorry the answer there would be...none of us. Janice: Come on over the years none of you ever y'know, got drunk and stupid. Joey: Well, that's really a different question. Janice: I'm sorry I find it hard to believe that a group of people who spends as much time together as you guys do has never bumped uglies. Joey: Well, there was that one time that Monica and Rachel got together. Monica and Rachel: What?!! Rachel: Excuse me, there was no time! Joey: Okay, but let's say there was. How might that go? Janice: Okay, okay, well then answer me this. Has any of you ever.... almost? Rachel: Does anybody need more coffee? Ross: Yeah, I'll take some. Joey: Hey, there's a dog out there! Opening Credits [Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, three years earlier, Phoebe, Monica, and Ross are there] Phoebe: Oh, that is so unfortunate. Ross: What? Phoebe: Cute naked guy is really starting to put on weight. Monica: (entering from bedroom) Okay, I'll be back in just a minute. Oh, Phoebe I'm sorry that I left lipstick marks on the phone. Phoebe: You didn't leave lipstick marks on the phone. Monica: Oh, then it must've been you. Bye. (leaves) Phoebe: (angrily) Bye-bye! (to Ross) That's why I moved out. Ross: Hey, y'know while we're on that, when are you gonna tell my sister that you don't live here anymore. Phoebe: I think on some levels she already knows. Ross: Phoebe, she doesn't know that you sneak out every night, she doesn't know that you sneak back every morning, and she doesn't know that you've been living with your Grandmother's for a week now. Phoebe: Okay, well maybe not on those levels. Chandler: (entering, with a goatee) Hey. Ross: Hey. Chandler: I'm never gonna find a roommate, ever. Phoebe: Why, nobody good? Chandler: Well let's see, there was the guy with the ferrets, that's plural. The spitter. Oh-ho, and yes, the guy that enjoyed my name so much he felt the need to make a little noise every time he said it. Nice to meet you, Chandler Bing Bing! Great apartment Chandler Bing, Bing! Ross: So how many more do you have tomorrow? Chandler: Two. This photographer, who seemed really dull. And this actor guy, who I'm not sure about, because when he called and I answered the phone 'Chandler Bing,' he said 'Whoa-whoa, short message.' Monica: (entering) Ross (who has his foot on the coffee table), foot on the floor or come over no more! Ross: (to Phoebe) Sure, your dresser is missing but this she notices. Monica: What? Ross: I have to go. Yeah, Carol should be home by now, soo... Chandler: Umm, how's it going with you guys? Ross: Oh, better, actually. Y'know I-I-I think I finally figured out why we were having so much trouble lately. Phoebe: Oh, really? Ross: Yeah, y'know how I have you guys, well she doesn't really have any close friends that are just hers, but last week she meet this woman at the gym, Susan something, and they really hit it off, and I-I-I think it's gonna make a difference [Scene: Chandler's, Chandler is interviewing a potential roommate.] Chandler: Soo, ah, Eric, what kind of photography do ya do? Eric: Oh, mostly fashion, so there may be models here from time to time, I hope that's cool. Chandler: Yes, that is cool. Because I have models here y'know......never. Eric: Oh, yeah, during the summer, I spend most weekends at my sister's beach house, which you are welcome to use by the way. Although, I should probably tell you, she's a p0rn star. (Chandler breaks his pencil in half) Chandler: Well, listen I ah, still have one more person to ah meet, but unless it turns out to be your sister, I think you're chances are pretty good. (Eric offers to shake hands) All right. (Chandler hugs him.) [Scene: Chandler's, Chandler is interviewing Joey.] Chandler: (running around the apartment pointing out things) Bedroom. Bathroom. Living room. This right here is the kitchen, and thanks for coming by, (opens door) Bye-bye. Joey: Don't you ah, don't you wanna ask me any questions? Chandler: Sure. Ummm. What's up? Joey: Well, ah, I'm an actor. I'm fairly neat. I ah, I got my own TV. Oh, and don't worry I'm totally okay with the gay thing. Chandler: What gay thing? Joey: Ah, y'know just in general people being gay, thing. I'm totally cool with that. [Scene: the hallway, Monica is coming up the stairs.] Chandler: Well okay Jerry, thanks for stopping by. (Joey is leaving and notices Monica, as Monica notices him) Monica: Hi. Joey: Hey! (Joey leaves and Monica mouths to Chandler 'Oh my God!') [Scene: A bar, Chandler is entering.] Chandler: Hey, Mon. Monica: Hey-hey-hey. You wanna hear something that sucks. Chandler: Do I ever. Monica: Chris says they're closing down the bar. Chandler: No way! Monica: Yeah, apparently they're turning it into some kinda coffee place. Chandler: Just coffee! Where are we gonna hang out now? Monica: Got me. Chandler: (to bartender) Can I get a beer. Monica: Hey, did you pick a roommate? Chandler: You betcha! Monica: Is it the Italian guy? Chandler: Um-mm, yeah right! Monica: He's so cute. Chandler: Oh yes, and that's what I want a roommate that I can walk around with and be referred to as the funny one. Monica: Oh look, the pool table's free. Rack 'em up. I'll be back in just a minute. Get ready for me to whip your butt. Chandler: Okay, but after that, we're shootin' some pool. Rachel: (sitting at a table with some of her friends) (to waitress) Oh, um, no, no, no, no excuse me, hello. Hi. My friend ordered an onion, not an olive, and uh I ordered a rum and Diet Coke, which I don't think this is. Waitress: I am so sorry. Rachel: That's all right. (to her friends) I mean hard is it to get a couple drinks right, huh? Friend No. 1: Well, I would like to propose a toast to the woman, who in one year from today, become Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber DDS Rachel: Ummm, I think it's time to see the ring again. (holds her hand out and they all scream) Friend No. 2: Oh, isn't it exciting, I mean it's like having a boyfriend for life. Rachel: Yeah, I know. Friend No. 1: What? Rachel: Oh, I don't know. Well maybe it's just the idea of Barry for the rest of my life. I don't know I think I feel like I need to have one last fling, y'know, just to sorta get it out of my system. (Chandler is listening in very intensely) Friend No. 1: Rachel stop! Friend No. 2: You're so bad! Rachel: I'm serious, I really, I think I need just to have some...meaningless, s*x y'know, with the next guy that I see. (Chandler throws the cue ball under there table.) Chandler: Excuse, I seem to have dropped my ball. Rachel: Yeah, so? Chandler: (picks it up) And now I've picked it up again. (walks over to Monica.) Monica: Oh my God, I went to high school with her. (to Rachel) Rachel! Hi! Rachel: Monica! Look! Hi! What do ya think? (shows her, her ring) Monica: Oh my God, you can't even see where the Titanic hit it. Rachel: Yes, his name is Barry, he's a doctor, thank you very much. Monica: Awww, just like you always wanted. Congratulations Rachel: Thank you. So how-how 'bout you, are-are you seeing anybody? Monica: Aww, not right now. Rachel: Oh, but that's okay. Monica: I know. Rachel: Yeah. (An awkward silence) Monica: So, I'll get-get back to my friend. Rachel: Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure. (points at Chandler, who holds up the cue ball as a 'Remember me?' thing) Listen, can we please have lunch the next time I'm in the city? Monica: Oh, that'd be great. Rachel: Okay! Monica: Thanks. Rachel: Bye! Monica: Bye! (to Chandler) Ten bucks says, I never see that woman again in my life. [Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Ross is on the phone, as Phoebe is walking by carrying a lamp.] Ross: No real-, honey, really it's fine, just g-go with Susan. Really, I, no, I think girls night out is a great idea. Okay, okay, bye Phoebe: So what are they doing? Ross: I don't know, something girlie. Phoebe: (to Monica, who's entering) Hey, you're early. Monica: What are you doing with the lamp? Phoebe: I'm just taking it to be re-wired. Monica: Oh, well don't take it to the same place you took the stereo, 'cause they've had that thing for over a week. (There is a knock on the door, Phoebe answers it, its Mr. Heckles) Phoebe: No, no, Mr. Heckles no one is making any noise up here. Mr. Heckles: You're disturbing my oboe practice. Phoebe: You don't play the oboe! Mr. Heckles: I could play the oboe! Phoebe: Then I'm gonna have to ask you to keep it down. (slams the door in his face.) (in the hallway, Eric is moving in) Mr. Heckles: (to Eric) Who are you? Eric: Hi, I'm Eric, I'm gonna be Chandler's new roommate. Mr. Heckles: I'm Chandler's new roommate. Eric: I-I-I don't think so. Mr. Heckles: I could be Chandler's new roommate. Eric: But, he told me over the phone. Mr. Heckles: He told me in person. Eric: That's weird. Mr. Heckles: Well, I'm going to go into my new apartment now. (goes over to the door and opens it) Ehh! (Eric leaves) (inside Chandler's apartment, Chandler is coming in from his bedroom, sees Mr. Heckles, and screams.) [Scene: the hallway, Joey is moving in, Monica is leaving.] Monica: Hi, again. Joey: Hey! (goes into the apartment) Chandler: (leaving to go to work) Hey! Monica: Thank you soo, much. Chandler: Oh, don't thank me, thank the jerk that never showed up. Okay, I gotta get to get to work. (Joey comes back into the hallway and starts to pick up a heavy box) Monica: You want some help with that? Joey: Oh, no thanks, I got it. (picks it up) No I don't! Monica: Whoa! Are you okay? Joey: Whew! Stood up to fast, got a little head rush. Monica: It's the heat. (has her hand on his chest, and then pulls it away) And-and the humidity. Joey: That's a uh, that's a tough combination. Monica: Do you wanna come in for some lemonade? Joey: Like you wouldn't believe. (they go into the apartment) Wow! This is a great place. Monica: Thank you. Just make yourself comfortable. Joey: Gotcha. Monica: This place is really my Grandmother's. (Joey starts to take off all of his clothes, while Monica gets the glasses and pours the lemonade.) I got it from her when she moved to Florida, otherwise I could never afford a place like this. So if the landlord ever asks, I'm 87 year old woman, who's afraid of her VCR. So are you thirsty? Joey: Oh, you bet I am! Monica: (turning around) Okay, here's your pen1s! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: continued from earlier.] Monica: Oh my God!!! What are you doing?!! Joey: You said, you wanna come in for some lemonade? Monica: So?! Joey: Whoa, ah!! We're you just gonna give me some lemonade? Monica: Yeah huh!! Cover yourself up! Joey: Oh right, right. Monica: I don't believe this! When someone asks you in for lemonade, and to you that means they wanna have s*x? Joey: Well usually...yeah! Well, not just lemonade, iced tea, sometimes juice. Well, sorry, I just, I thought you liked me. I'm such a jerk. Monica: It's okay. I suppose it could happen to anyone, not anyone I know, but... By the way I can still see it. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica is vacuuming.] Monica: Pheebs? Phoebe: Huh? Monica: Where's your bed? Phoebe: It's not in the apartment? (Monica gives a 'Come on' look) Oh no. I can't believe this is happening again. Monica: What? Phoebe: Okay, enough with the third degree! I-I've, I don't live here anymore. Monica: What are you talking about? Phoebe: I'm sorry, I-I-I-I don't live here anymore. I-I didn't know how to tell you, but y'know everybody else knows! Monica: Everybody knows! Phoebe: That was supposed to be a good thing, I forget why. Just listen, Monica, I, do you know, okay, do you know, I couldn't sleep for like a month because I got like a dot of ink on one of the sofa cushions. Monica: Well, you-you coulda just turned the cushion over. Phoebe: Yeah, I would've except I had a big spaghetti stain on the other side. Monica: What?!?! Phoebe: Okay, this is what I'm talking about, this. I-I need to live in a land where people can spill. Monica: You can spill. In the sink. Phoebe: Aw, honey it's not your fault, y'know this is who you are, and I love you, and I want us to be friends, and if I keep living here I don't see that happening. Monica: I love you, too. Phoebe: Aww, good. (they hug) What? Monica: What? I'm just said. Phoebe: No you're not, you're wondering which cushion it is. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, (now) Joey is watching Baywatch, as Chandler enters from his bedroom.] Chandler: So ah, whatcha watching? Joey: Baywatch. Chandler: What's it about? Joey: Lifeguards. Chandler: Well, it sounds kinda stupid... (looks at the TV) Who's she? Joey: Nicole Eggert. You'll like her. (Baywatch goes into one of those running scenes.) Chandler: Wow! Look at them run. Joey: They do that a lot. Hey, you want a beer? Chandler: Yeah, I'll go get one. Joey: No, no, no, don't get up, I got a cooler right here. [Scene: Monica's, Monica is coming out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel, as Chandler is entering.] Chandler: Well, hello! Monica: Hey. Chandler: Do you have any beers? We're out of beers. Monica: (all depressed) Help yourself. Chandler: You okay? Monica: Phoebe moved out. Chandler: Right. Monica: I don't understand, I mean am I so hard to live, is this why I don't have a boyfriend? Chandler: Noo!! You don't have a boyfriend because....I don't, I don't know why you don't have a boyfriend. You should have a boyfriend. Monica: Well, I think so. Chandler: Oh-ho, come here. (goes and hugs her) Listen, you are one of my favourite people and the most beautiful woman I've ever known in real life. [Scene: the bar, Ross is entering, Phoebe is at the bar, they are the only two in the place.] Ross: (all depressed) Hi. Where is everybody? Phoebe: Oh, it's already closed, Chris gave me the keys to lock up-what is wrong? Ross: My marriage, I think my marriage is um, is kinda over. Phoebe: Oh no! Why? Ross: 'Cause Carol's a lesbian. (Phoebe is shocked) And, and I'm not one. And apparently it's not a mix and match situation. Phoebe: Oh my God! I don't believe it! Oh, you poor bunny. Ross: (sets out a bunch of shot glasses and starts to poor himself a drink, many drinks) I'm an idiot. I mean shoulda seen it, I mean Carol and I'd be out and she'd, she'd see some beautiful woman, and, and she'd be Ross y'know look at her, and I'd think, God, my wife is cool! Phoebe: Aw! Hey, do you think that Susan person is her lover? Ross: Well, now I do!! Phoebe: I'm sorry. Ross: Seven years. I mean we've been together seven years, she's the only woman who's ever loved me, and the only woman I've-I've ever.... Phoebe: Aw, God Ross. Oh.(goes over and hugs him) [Scene: Monica's, Chandler and Monica are still hugging each other.] Chandler: Umm, this is nice. Monica: I know, it is isn't it? Chandler: No, I mean it, this feels really good. Is it a hundred percent cotton? Monica: Yeah! And I got it on sale, too. Chandler: Anyway, I should go, one of the lifeguards was just about to dismantle a nuclear device. Monica: Well, if you wanna get a drink later we can. Chandler: Oh yeah, that sounds great. (starts to leave) Oh, and listen, it's, it's gonna be.... Monica: I know. Thanks. (Chandler leaves) [Scene: the bar, Phoebe is still hugging Ross.] Ross: Maybe this would've happened if I'd been more nurturing, or I'd paid more attention, or I... had a uterus. I can't believe this! Phoebe: I know no, no, y'know you don't deserve this, you don't Ross. You're, you're really, you're so good. (kisses him on the cheek) Ross: Thanks. Phoebe: And you're so sweet. (kisses him on the other cheek) And you're kind (kisses him on the lips) Ross: Thanks. (kisses her on the lips) (They pause, and they the start kissing passionately, and taking off each others clothes, and they start to lie down on the pool table.) Ross: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Phoebe: Huh? (Ross tries to clear off the pool table by knocking the balls to the other end of the table, but they all bounce back, and he frantically starts to throw them into the pockets.) Phoebe: Okay, it's okay. (Phoebe jumps on to the table and lays down, Ross follows her and hits his head on the light hanging over the pool table.) Phoebe: Oh. (they start kissing again) Ross: Wait, wait, wait. Phoebe: What? Ross: My foot is stuck in the pocket. Phoebe: What? Ross: No, I can't get it out. Phoebe: Well, that's not something a girl wants to hear. Ross: No, come on don't start. (they start kissing again) Ouch! Phoebe: What? Ross: Stupid balls are in the way. (holds up two balls) (They both look at each other and start laughing (Lisa almost lost it there), and sit up. Ross hits his head on the lamp again.) Ross: Oh well. It probably would've been the most constructive solution. Phoebe: You have chalk on your face. Ross: Huh? (the rest of the gang enters) Phoebe: Oh, Ross you're right, I don't know why I always thought this was real grass. Monica: Hey, are you okay? Ross: My wife's a lesbian. Joey: Cool!! Chandler: Ross-Joey, Joey-Ross. (they shake hands) Ross: Hi. Closing Credits [Scene: the bar, Chandler is playing pool, as Rachel enters.] Chandler: I can't believe you came back. Rachel: Don't say anything. I don't wanna speak, I don't wanna think. I just want you to take me and kiss me and make love to me right here, right now. (She hits the jukebox Fonzy style, and It's That Time of Season starts to play, as they start to kiss.) Friend No. 2: Rachel! Rachel! (stirs Rachel from her dream, she's in her car driving back from the city) Rachel: What? Friend No. 2: You missed the exit! Rachel: Oh, sorry. Friend No. 1: My God, what were you thinking about? Rachel: Um, (shyly) Barry. Her Friends: Awwww!!

Plan: A: Janice; Q: Who asked the gang if any of them had slept together? A: the friends; Q: Who flashes back to the time when the coffee shop was a bar? A: a bar; Q: What was the coffee shop before it was a coffee shop? A: their secrets; Q: What is revealed when the friends flash back? A: a pool table; Q: What piece of furniture did Ross and Phoebe almost have sex on? A: Joey; Q: Who came on to Monica by getting naked? A: her girlfriends; Q: Who was Rachel with when Chandler tried to come on to her? A: a drink; Q: What were Rachel and her friends having at the bar? A: Barry; Q: Who was Rachel engaged to? Summary: When Janice playfully asks the gang if any of them (other than Ross and Rachel) have ever slept together, the friends flash back to the time when the coffee shop was a bar and their secrets are revealed: Ross and Phoebe nearly had sex on a pool table; Joey after first meeting Monica, came on to her by getting naked; before Chandler and Rachel knew each other, he tried coming on to her sexually when she and her girlfriends were having a drink at the bar. Rachel, engaged to Barry, brushed off Chandler, but later fantasized about having sex with him.

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Nathan : I'm not on the Chiefs anymore. Haley : What? Nathan : I'm the point guard for the Charlotte Bobcats. Haley : You're in the NBA? Nathan : I'm in the NBA. Brooke : You told me that someday I'd be ready to let someone in. I think today might be someday. I love you. Dan : I used to wonder why I was still alive. I'm not. And this is my hell. Pull the trigger. Take the pain away! Withey : Maybe you're still here for redemption. AT TV BROADCAST Dan : So, I guess ... This means he's gonna die. I sat there in the dark -- alone, broken. On the eve of my son's first game in the NBA, I sat alone on a playground basketball court and waited for death. I'd been given only days to live. That was 14 months ago. Haley : * I like to say * * I make good use of my time while you've been away * * and it's true * * I've been at my piano every day * * thinking of you * * they talk around * * I hear them whisper * * it's the funniest thing, really * * they think you're gone forever * * I know the truth * * it's just getting hard to believe it * * and they all tell me it's over * * even stars are lining up * * I follow the signs so clearly * * Still I've fallen * * the quicksand's pulling me down * * I follow the signs so clearly * * Still they catch me * * the quicksand's pulling me down * AT THE OFFICE Clay : Bill, I want you to listen to me because we have a history of helping each other and because I'm the best damn sports agent that you deal with. Now, listen -- You guys turned it around last season in a very big way. But Pennington needs receivers, and you know it. Hackett's big. He's fast. And you throw that ball anywhere near him, he gets up and gets it. Mm-hmm. That's absolutely true. But he's also going into his third season, and, historically, you know that that's when NFL wide receivers flip the switch. Santana Moss, Steve Smith -- Hackett is gonna be right there with them. Bill, this one is so easy. You have the money. You need the player. All you need to do -- Pull the trigger. You know what? I got to cut you off. I got New England on line two. You're doing the right thing. You're getting a great player at a great price. Yeah, I'll have my office send the paperwork over. Thanks, Bill. And, hey, congratulations. Yeah. Haley : * But I just want to feel your breath inside me * * so I can breathe * Clay : Oh. Hey, Mom. I got to call you back. Haley : * It's never too soon, it's never too late * * so I start screaming out * * I see your face, I see your hand reaching down * * and I yell to you, and I say * * I'll follow the signs so clearly * * Still I've fallen * * the quicksand's pulling me down * * I'll follow the signs so clearly * ON THE BEACH Julian : You could come with me. Brooke : I can't. You say that every time. Julian : And you say "I can't" every time. Brooke : Because I can't. But the movie's almost over, and then you can come back to Tree Hill, and we can finally be together, right? Julian : Yes, of course. Haley : * Pulling me down * * ahhhhhh * * oh oh oh * * oh oh oh * * oh oh oh oh oh oh * * oh oh oh * * oh oh oh * * oh oh oh oh oh oh * * ahh ahh ahh * * oh oh oh * AT CLOTHES OVER BROS - NEW YORK Woman : Good morning. Clothes Over Bros. Please hold. Good morning. Clothes Over Bros. Please hold. Millicent : I need you to go online and find me some pictures, recent ones. And call their reps and get me head shots. Also, call prime and cancel the dinner reservation I had for tomorrow night. This is good, but I want to see it in green. Green is the new orange. I was heading back to Tree Hill, so book me a flight, preferably direct, and call me in the car and tell me which terminal. Is that my coffee? Calliope : Mocha double latte, no foam. Millicent : Last time there was foam. I hate foam. Is there foam? Calliope : No foam. Um, Victoria wanted to see you about ... Millicent : About the model she wants to hire to be the new face of Clothes Over Bros. We're not going with a model. We're going with an actress. Cancel the meeting. Calliope : She's not gonna like that. Millicent : Yeah, well, she works for me. Don't tell her I said that. Okay, now go. Chop, chop. Calliope. You're a good assistant, but have some fun, okay? You're only young once. AT THE GYMNASIUM Clay : The season's over, Nate. Nathan : For some guys. For me ... it's just the preseason for next year. Clay : See, that is why I love being your agent. Most guys are away on vacation, but not Nathan Scott. He's in the gym doing work. And I'm not the only one who's noticed. Nathan : What do they say? Clay : All the right things, man -- That they love you, you had another great season, And you're a very important part of the future. Nathan : Does any of this mean I have a new contract? Clay : Not yet. But what did I tell you, man? 14 months ago when you came up on that 10-day? Nathan : "Just do the work." Clay : "Just do the work." And you have. You worked hard. You played great. And now it's gonna cost them. Nathan : You love this stuff, don't you? Clay : Hell yeah, I do. And I'm good at it, man. So don't sweat it. I'd never do anything to jeopardize you or Haley or Jamie. Nathan : I know. Clay : Speaking of, the little man's got a birthday coming up, right? Any idea what he wants for a gift? Nathan : Well, you spoiled him with all the autographed jerseys. You're just moving through your client roster now. I think he's, uh... he's up to Jerry Rice. Clay : It's a good life, Nate. Did you ever think a couple knuckleheads like us would end up here? Nathan : I thought I would. You, not so much. Hey, can I ask you a question about your meeting with my bosses? Clay : Yeah. Nathan : Couldn't you have at least worn a suit? I mean, the jeans, man? Clay : Really? Yeah, I probably cost you at least a million dollars right there. It was a very bad choice. Nathan : Thanks. Haley : * Sunday morning, my Rebecca... * AT THE APPARTMENT Skills : Man, it's crazy. Nobody buying used CDs no more. Half the record stores done closed down. And this collection was strong, too. Look -- Tribe called quest, de la soul, and biggie. Mouth : What? Maybe try Goodwill? Skills : Man, Killy, Goodwill is not getting my Tupac CDs. Mouth : Ah, they wouldn't take them either, huh? Skills : Nope. Mouth : So, listen, I was thinking, while you're cleaning out some clutter, you might want to move some other stuff, too. Skills : Oh, word? Mouth : Like what? Like all of it? Skills : All of it? You want me to move out? Mouth : Well, I don't want you to. I just -- don't you want your own space with Lauren? Skills : Do I want my own space -- yes. But can I afford it right now when I'm trying to start a new business -- no. I can't believe you kicking me out. Mouth : I'm not kicking you out. You're on the lease, too. I just -- Skills : You want me to go. * To be barefoot on the driveway * IN THE LIMOUSINE Brooke : I want you to stay. Julian : Yeah, I know. You look sad, Brooke Davis. Brooke : I'm not sad. Julian : Yes, you are. You've been moping around ever since that night at the beach. Brooke : I'm just gonna miss you, that's all. Julian : But you don't have to. What's keeping you in Tree Hill now that Peyton's gone? You went back for her. Brooke : So did you. Julian : That's not fair. Look, all I'm saying is, if you can run Clothes Over Bros from Tree Hill, you can run it from anywhere. Brooke : But Tree Hill's home. Julian : We'll be okay. * I think I could never love another girl * Julian : All right, here we go. Brooke : Julian. This is a great night. I'm proud of you. * While she shines my mother's imitation pearls * AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : Good morning, little man. What are you all dressed and waiting for? Jamie : It's my birthday. Haley : Ah, I hate to break it to you, kiddo, but your birthday was yesterday. You slept right through it. Jamie : Whatever, Mom. Mom? Haley : Happy birthday! Jamie : Aah! Haley : Rah! I can't believe you're 4 already! Jamie : Seven. Haley : Oh, would you settle for 5? Jamie : No. Haley : Maybe we could feed you coffee and cigarettes and keep you really small. Jamie : Mnh-mnh! I'm 7. I've been waiting a long time for this, you know? Haley : I know. And I really am sorry we had to cancel your party. Jamie : You're really not that funny. Haley : Hey, I can make you laugh though. Ha! Ha! Ha! What's the matter? What? You too old to be tickled, Mr. 7? Jamie : Help! Where's Dad when I need him? Haley : He can't help you now! He's at work! * Even though I'm the only one * AT THE STUDIO Kylie : Mmm. You always smell so good. Nathan : It's my rainstorm body spray. * Sneak around and let yourself in back * Kylie : It's gonna be a stormy night. Come here. * Just give it a chance, just give it a chance * Man : And cut! Clay : Let's check it. * Get the devil to dance like that? * Nathan : What? Clay : You are terrible at this. You're just so wooden. Nathan : Hey, I told you I didn't want to do this, all right? Clay : I'm just playing, man. You look great. Nathan : No, I don't. I look wooden. I'm a wooden tool that uses body spray. Clay : Come on, Nate. This is a great gig. A guy works all day, he has a date -- He wants to smell nice, so he reaches for some rainstorm body spray. And why? Because that's what Nathan Scott does. Nathan : You know what else Nathan Scott does? He takes a shower. He actually washes himself. Body spray? Clay : You might want to keep it down seeing as how they're paying you six figures and it is your only source of income right now. Nathan : Oh, and whose fault is that? Oh, that's right. My agent's you. Clay : I don't know why you choose to hurt me like this. The contract negotiations, the endorsements, the never-ending love and support. Nathan : Oh, okay. All right, now I really do need some body spray to cover all that crap. Clay : It all comes full circle. Man : Pictures up! Clay : Look, you sell the products. I'll sell you. But go and get this right so we can eat some cake already. Otherwise, "it's a gonna be a stormy night." Nathan : Okay, all right. Clay : You're so stormy. AT MOUTH'S APPARTMENT Mouth : Hey, man, what's up? Skills : Okay. It ain't gonna work. Mouth : What? Skills : You trying to get rid of me with your naked ass. Mouth : I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just hanging out in my apartment. Skills : It ain't gonna work. Ain't gonna work! AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Jamie : Can I come out yet? Haley : Uh... okay! Ta-da! Jamie : Whoa. It's gonna be the best birthday ever! Haley : See? All this, and not one scary clown. Hey, you want to see your cake? Jamie : Wait, this is not --"Happy birthday, Jam?" Quin : This cake is so good. Jamie : Aunt Quinn! Quin : Kid, I can't remember! Mmm. Dude, you're like, what, 32 now? Jamie : 7. Quin : 7, right. Of course. I was talking to your mom. Haley : Ha ha. What are you doing here? Quin : I had an assignment in New York, and I thought, "I don't know, I haven't seen my dorkiest sister in forever." Haley : What? Taylor wasn't home? Quin : You're so funny. Get your sexy butt over here. Mmm. Jamie : Aunt Quinn, you ate my cake before I made a wish. Quin : Nah. See, I don't think this is your real cake. If you look really, really close, if it was, I wouldn't be able to do this! Haley : Aah! Quin : Aw. Jamie : You're so dead. Quin : Oh! Hey! Haley : You're crazy. * Shock shock horror horror * * spill spill red wine down my shirt * Haley : Run! Quin : Oh, you're so dead! * Thank you very much * AT MOUTH'S HOUSE Mouth : Hey, can I borrow a pen? I got to sign Jamie's card. Skills : I don't know why you got to take this so personally. Mouth : I don't know what you're talking about, dawg. I'm just airing things out. Skills : No, you're not. You're mad because I want you to move out. But it's only because I'm trying to step things up with Millie. It's not like I don't still consider you a great friend. It's not like I don't want to hang with you. Mouth : You're my friend. I love you. Skills : I love you, too. Millicent : Okay. Good to know the stereotype's not true. * We took the test * * and we came out clean * * and you got drunk * * and I got mean * * Then I gave up * * and you did, too * ON THE BEACH [Flashback] Brooke : So, I want you to know I totally took one for the team, and I made you some closet space in the spare bedroom. * I make amends * * You make them, too * * and I realize * Julian : So, they called me about that film in New Zealand. They want me to produce it. * I live alone * Julian : It's a big movie, Brooke. It could make my career. Brooke : Wow. Um... When does it start? Julian : Right after this one. Brooke : So, basically, now. For how long? Julian : Eight months. * I can't commit to anything * * I'm way too settled down * Julian : I don't have to take it. Brooke : No. You should. You have to. Julian : Time's gonna fly by, I promise. Then we'll be together, okay? Brooke : Thanks. * Then I'll give up * * and you will, too * * but we do what we have to do * AT SCOTT'S HOUSE - JAMIE'S BIRTHDAY Clay : Oh, you know what? Let me get that for you, Hales. Haley : Thanks, Clay. Clay : And by the way, you look gorgeous. Haley : Easy now. Have I mentioned he only makes 10%? Clay : Yeah, but I wasn't the one making out with a lingerie model all morning. Nathan : We weren't making -- There was no making out. Jamie : Hey, Dad. Nathan : Hey, buddy! Ahh. So, are you having a good time, 7? Jamie : Yeah. Aunt Quinn is here, and she surprised me with my cake. Clay : You know, the last girl I took home surprised me with -- Haley : Hey! Who wants to open presents? Yay! Quinn : Check it out. Hey, he thinks you're hot. Nathan : I am hot. Quinn : Hi, Nate. Nathan : Hey, Quinn. Clay, my sister-in-law Quinn. Quinn, my agent, Clay. Quinn : Hi. Look, the Bobcats got no depth in the backcourt, So step up and get this guy paid, Jerry Maguire. Clay : I like her. Brooke : Hey, it's me again. I just thought you might want to wish Jamie a happy birthday. So call me when you get this... or any of the other three messages. Okay, bye. Haley : Okay, we're gonna open presents. Are you all right? Brooke : Julian's starting that new movie in New Zealand, and you know how it is. Haley : Tell me about it. Haley : Nathan's gone most of the year. Haley : Yeah. Haley : Well, at least the NBA has an off-season. Apparently, Hollywood doesn't. How's your new record coming? Haley : So-so. The parent label is sending somebody out to run some of the day-to-day stuff so I can get a little bit more done. They said something about freeing me up. Brooke : Well, that's good, right? Jamie : Come on, Mom! Chop, chop! Haley : Chop, chop? Brooke : He gets that from me. Presents! Haley : The bossiness, too. Nathan : All right, Jam. Which one's first? Jamie : Uncle Lucas. * My faith is like wings made of wax * Haley : Oh, read the card! * That it won't last * Jamie : "Jamie, Peyton and I miss you every day. This present was my best friend until I met your mom. I got it from my Uncle Keith when I turned 7, and now I want you to have it. It got me through all kinds of stuff, and I hope it helps you, too. I love you -- Uncle Lucas." * Too afraid to dream * Jamie : Cool! It's Uncle Lucas' basketball. Check it out, Dad! * I want to chase the daylight * Jamie : "Skills." Skills : Ha, that's what I'm talkin' about, baby. Jamie : Awesome! CDs! Skills : Old-school hip-hop. Tupac, Biggie, Run-DMC, a'ight! Lauren : Wait, I'm sorry -- You just gave a 7-year-old your tired, old, used CDs? Skills : Look, baby, I had to. Goodwill wouldn't even take it. Jamie : Oh, my... Dad. Nathan : Don't worry, Jamie. I actually bought you something. Jamie : Awesome! A Jerry Rice jersey. Clay : Oh, man, that is exactly what I was gonna get you -- An autographed Jerry Rice jersey. Jamie : It's not autographed. Clay : Huh. I see. One second. Jerry. Hey, it's Clay. Listen, I'm at Jamie Scott's 7th birthday party, and... He thought you were 6. Jamie : 7. Clay : He claims he's 7. Yeah, he's a little short. Hey, anyways, I was wondering if you could maybe sign his jersey sometime. All right, cool. Yeah, thanks, man. Appreciate it. All right, not a problem. Jamie : Sweet. Clay : Especially since he's in the house. Jerry Rice : Where's the birthday boy? Hey, where's Jamie? Clay : Would you look at that? It's Jerry Rice. Jerry Rice : How are you guys doing? What's up, Jamie? Skills : Oh, damn, my gift sucks. Jerry Rice : All right. * I'm gonna live this life * Alex : Hi, Nate. Do you mind if I get a picture? Nathan : Yeah, sure, no problem. Alex : You had a great season last year. Did you re-sign yet? Nathan : No, not yet. Alex : Hopefully soon though. Nathan : I hope so. Alex : Well, it was good to see you again. You don't remember me, do you? * No, I will never look back * * I'm gonna live this life * Jamie : Hey, Dad. Check it out. Jerry Rice signed my jersey. Oh, look at that! Nathan : It's great, buddy. * So open up the sky * * and open up my eyes * Brooke : Hey, little man. You want your present or what? We have a tradition, you know. Jamie : I know. It's my favorite. Brooke : That's what I wanted to hear. All right, you get this much for being my godson. And an extra zero for being my very favorite guy. Jamie : Whoa. Thanks, Aunt Brooke. Brooke : You're welcome. I love you, buddy. What did you wish for? Jamie : Well, if I tell, it won't come true. But maybe I can wish something for you. Mom says I get one wish for me, and I can wish stuff for other people, too. Brooke : Dude, hook me up. Jamie : Okay, here it goes. * Chasing the daylight * * chasing the daylight * * I'm chasing you there * Brooke : Wow, you're good. IN THE SCOTT'S BEDROOM Brooke : What are you doing here? Julian : It's Jamie's birthday. Brooke : What about the movie? Julian : Well, I moved some things around. Brooke : Mm! AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Jamie : Look, mom. Aunt Quinn got me luggage. Haley : Uh-huh. Quinn : That's good. I got it, buddy. Haley : So, how long do we get you? Quinn : I don't know. A few days. Haley : That sounds wonderful. Come on. Haley : I don't know about this problem. I'm still working on it. Anyway, one of the great things about this house is that there's all these spare bedrooms nobody ever uses. Really? Would you guys get a room? And not one of ours, please. Welcome back, Julian. Brooke : I'm sorry! We're going! * If I could be that guy * AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Jamie : Hut! Clay : So, I think I'm gonna take off pretty soon. I got to knock out some work, and the body spray girl's coming by. Nathan : The girl from the shoot today. She has a name, you know? It's Kylie. Clay : Of course it is. * When I go to sleep * Jamie : Hut! Jerry Rice : Get him! Jamie : Touchdown! Clay : Someday when he's older, and he thinks back on his best days as a kid, he'll think of this day, the day he was happy and safe and loved. That's a hell of a gift, Nate. Haley : All right. You fell as need anything? Nathan : Just you. Clay : Oh, well. All right. Your sister's hot, Hales. Haley : Yeah, so is her husband, Clay. She's always been amazing, talented, artistic, wonderful marriage. Quinn : Okay, guys. We got the greatest receiver in the history of the game right here. We're going deep to Jamie. Jamie : Yeah. Jerry Rice : Oh, man. Quinn : Lauren, you run a slant. Andre, stay short. Jerry Rice : So, what do I do? Quinn : Jerry Rice, you block. Ready? Break! Jerry Rice : 207 touchdowns and they got me blocking? Darn it. * I'm nothing much, I know it's true * Quinn : Hut! Jamie! Clay : She throws a mean spiral. Haley : My sister Quinn. * I wanna see * * looking right at me * ON THE BEACH Julian : The beach is becoming our spot. Brooke : I don't think you can call it a spot if it's every other month. Julian : I guess that's fair. No, I'm sorry. Brooke : Do you remember how it was in the beginning? Even if we were apart, we'd talk every night. And my heart raced with every text. And every time my phone rang, I hoped it would be you. * You know where I can be found * Julian : I still do that with you. Brooke : Yeah? * I wanna see looking right at me * * if I could be that guy * Brooke : Peyton used to say, "People always leave." Who knew she was actually talking about her stupid ass? I'm just lonely. Julian : We're here now. Brooke : I know. And it's amazing. And it's what I wished for. Julian : Want to know what I wished for? Brooke : Mm-hmm. Julian : Skinny-dipping. Brooke : You did not! Julian : Uh-huh, I did. You coming or what? Brooke : That's what she said. Aah! Julian : Ohh! AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan : You know, I think our son had a great time today. He has his mom to thank for that. Haley : I have his dad to thank for a great life. You know the last days when you were on the road, this is all I dreamed of -- nights like these? I think it's what I've always dreamed of. Nathan : It's more than I dreamed. Jamie : Who's creeping all up in my hood? Haley : What? Jamie : Skills gave me his CD collection. Haley : Oh, Lord. Did you have a good birthday, Jamie? Jamie : The best. I'm glad you guys are my parents. Haley : Well, we're glad we didn't leave you on the steps of that orphanage... some days. Jamie : Very funny. Nathan : Hey, got your new ball, huh? You know, your birthday's not over yet. What do you say we go down to the river court, see if this thing's got any good shots left in it? Jamie : Cool, I'll get ready. Nathan : Want to come? Haley : Um... No, I think it'll be good for him to have some time with his dad. I'll just hang out with Quinn. Nathan : You know, I'm glad Quinn's here. You guys will have fun together. Haley : Yeah, me too. I'll see you. Nathan : Oh. Summer night, bottle of wine... Quinn : I know. If I was Taylor, it would totally be on. Haley : Oh! Quinn : You brat. Well, well, my rock star little sister hanging out at her lavish pool with her pro-basketball husband. Haley : Speaking of husbands, how is David? Where is David? Quinn : David's working on a documentary to save the world. Haley : Wow. That sounds like David. You miss him? Quinn : Yeah, I do. Haley : You know, sometimes I think about the way we grew up... That house and the noise... the family. I miss it, you know? Quinn : Why, Haley Bob? I mean, you have it all right here. * Except I think I've had enough * Nathan : All right, big man. Let's see what you got. You know, this old ball's probably a little rusty. Why don't you try again? There we go! That's what I'm talkin' about. Good as new. Jamie : Was Uncle Lucas a good player? Nathan : Yes, he was very good. Jamie : How come he stopped playing? Nathan : Well, he, uh, he had a problem with his heart. Jamie : Like Grandpa Dan? Nathan : Yeah, yeah, kind of like Grandpa Dan. Jamie : I miss him. Uncle Lucas, I mean. Nathan : Yeah, I know you do, buddy. I'll tell you what -- instead of playing "Horse," why don't we play a game of "Lucas" tonight, huh? Jamie : All right, you go first. Nathan : Okay. Really? It's like that? All right, so, if I miss this, I get an "L"? Jamie : Yes, you do. Nathan : If I make it, you give me 50 bucks. Jamie : Yeah. Nathan : Aw! Dang it. Jamie : You get an "L." * I had won * * so where is the good feeling? * * Where is the lighting up? * * Where are the thousand voices screaming * AT CLAY'S HOUSE Clay : Hey, it's me. Let's roll some calls. Try Mitch des Lakers. ON THE BEACH Brooke : So, how is the movie going? Julian : Well, we ran into a couple of issues with work visas and permits. Brooke : Meaning? Julian : Meaning it's gonna be more like 10 months, not 8. Brooke : You're killing me. Julian : I know, but I do have some good news. I decided not to produce the movie. Brooke : What? Julian : Yeah. Brooke : But why? That was an important movie. Julian : No, it was a lucrative movie. It wasn't important. And I want to make important movies. And, besides, there's this girl that I'm kind of in love with, and... I couldn't be away from her for another day. * ...crawl beneath the surface of my skin * * Will I let it in? * * Oh * * There must be a heart that keeps me here * * there must be a heart that keeps me here * * away from the panic and the fear * * There must be a heart that keeps me here * AT CLAY'S HOUSE Clay : If you look at the history of this position and the last five contracts given to players under 25 with his numbers, you'll see -- Well, I think you'll see that we're not being unreasonable. Sorry. Mm-hmm. Well... Yeah. Kylie : Nice place. I assume it has a bedroom. Clay : Yeah. Uh-huh. Well, there's been a baseline set by the marketplace, so... Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Kylie : I'll see you in there. Clay : Bob, I got to call you back. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Quinn : And there's wild animals that roam about everywhere. And when little boys turn 7, just like you, they have to go out into the wilderness and live alone for a whole week. Jamie : Whoa. I probably couldn't do that. Haley : Okay, time for bed, buddy! Jamie : Okay. Good night, Aunt Quinn. Quinn : Good night, monkey face! Haley : Happy birthday, buddy. I'll be up in a minute. I think he really missed you. I know I did. Quinn : I missed you, too. Haley : That's weird. It's the studio calling. Quinn : Why's that weird? Haley : Because it's my studio, and I'm here. Please don't be me calling. Hello? AT BEDROOM RECORDS STUDIO Haley : Hi! Miranda : Hi. Interesting business hours. I waited in the bar for half the day, and finally the manager let me in. Haley : I'm so sorry. It is my son's birthday party today. I'm Haley anyway. It's nice to meet you. Miranda : Miranda Stone. John Knight sends his best. We're all looking forward to hearing more of your music. Haley : Thank you. Yeah, I know the process has been a little slow. It's been tough to focus on my record while running the label and raising my son, and... Miranda : Yeah, we lost Peyton to one of those. Haley : Sorry? Miranda : Kids, you know? Family. Haley : Uh, well, you know, we are just so happy that you're here. And I know the label's gonna run a lot smoother with you at the helm. Miranda : Yeah, when we said we'd free you up, that's not what we meant. Haley : I don't understand. Miranda : I'm not here to run the label. I'm here to close it. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : Quinn? Hey, can I talk to you for a minute? What? What's going on? Quinn : You know earlier when -- When I said I missed David? I do. And I have for a while now. Haley : What happened, Quinn? You said he... Quinn : I left him. Haley : Oh, hey. Why? Quinn : Because he's not the man I fell in love with. And he hasn't been for a while now. And I didn't agree to spend the rest of my life sleeping next to a complete stranger. * You were always bound to fall * * there's nothing you can do * * the weight of gravity * Nathan : Dude, no way you're still up. Jamie : I don't want it to end. Nathan : Bed. Now. Jamie : Always keeping a brother down. Nathan : Mm-hmm. * So, what are you to do now? * Nathan : All right. Jamie : Hey, dad, was your 7th birthday as good as mine? Nathan : You want the truth? Jamie : Dad, I'm 7. I can handle it. Nathan : Well, um... We had this big party planned just like yours. But then Grandpa Dan realized that there was a pee-wee basketball tournament the same day. So we canceled the party. My team ended up losing the game, and, uh, he didn't speak to me for the rest of my birthday. Jamie : Did you ever forgive him? Nathan : I wish I could say yes, son. But I'm not sure I ever did. Jamie : Well, I think you should. Nathan : Well, you're a good man, Jamie Scott. Good night, son. Jamie : Hey, Dad? I think you're good enough to forgive him. You're Nathan Scott. * Is it starting to break underneath my feet? * Dan : Forgiveness is never easy. * You're so far away * Dan : Bitterness is easy. Hatred is easy. But forgiveness, that's a tough one. Sometimes, people say things they don't mean or do things they can't take back. Sometimes we do things we can't take back. So we feed ourselves to starve the pain. * So afraid of landing * * Do we leave it all? * * Will you ever answer? * Clay : Get a list of all the free-agent and restricted point guards in the league and find out if the Bobcats are talking to any of them. Call that kid from Arkansas. Set up a meeting to discuss representation. Saturday is the 14th. Send flowers. Dan : We're all afraid of something. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Brooke : I'm scared. What if we ruin it? Julian : What are you talking about? Brooke : The feeling that I get when I see you after a month. And the way my heart aches when I smell your skin. I don't want it to go away. Julian : It won't. We won't let it. * So I cannot find you * * I'm walking like I'm blinded * Dan : I was afraid. I was dying. But in the face of great despair, I had an epiphany -- What I've done is who I am. But what I've done is not who I'll be. * Is it starting to break... * AT CLAY'S HOUSE Kylie : Hey, you. Come to bed. I'll make it worth your while. Clay : I can't. Uh... actually, I got to go. You can sleep here... or I'll see you later. Kylie : Wow, nothing like love at first sight. Clay : I don't believe in love. AT TV BROADCAST Dan : It's been nearly 37 million seconds -- 10,000 hours, 14 months -- Since I realized what I've done is not who I can be. Unburden yourself from the mistakes of your past. And when you do, your heart grows stronger. I should know. Mine was supposed to go out a long time ago. It doesn't mean what you've done is forgotten. ON THE PONTOON Nathan : It's 4:30 in the morning, Clay. Clay : Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. Nathan : What's going on? Clay : Does that girl look familiar to you? Nathan : Yeah, she was at the party today. Why? Clay : She says she slept with you on the road, Nate. What you've done is out there. And she's going public. And what you've done remembers.

Plan: A: Nathan; Q: Who learns of a shocking accusation? A: his career; Q: What could be threatened by a shocking accusation? A: his sports agent Clay; Q: Who is Nathan's sports agent? A: Brooke; Q: Who prepares to launch a new fashion line? A: Julian; Q: Who decides to produce a big movie? A: Haley's sister Quinn; Q: Who makes a surprise visit? A: a naked standoff; Q: What happens when Mouth wants Skills to move out? A: his 7th birthday; Q: What is Jamie celebrating? A: Roger Waters; Q: Who is the song named after? Summary: Nathan learns of a shocking accusation that could threaten his career, much to the chagrin of his sports agent Clay. Brooke prepares to launch a new fashion line, and Julian decides to produce a big movie. Haley's sister Quinn makes a surprise visit. Mouth wants Skills to move out, though Skills refuses which leads to a naked standoff. Meanwhile, Jamie celebrates his 7th birthday. This episode is named after a song by Roger Waters .

THE MUTANTS BY: BOB BAKER AND DAVE MARTIN 5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. SOLOS. CAVE (STUBBS comes running back up to them.) STUBBS: Gas! They've started the attack already. COTTON: Come on, we've got to get out. STUBBS: We can't get out. The Marshal's sealed us in. COTTON: What are we going to do? (JO suddenly points.) JO: Look! (From one side of the cave a figure walks forward - the radiation suited being. It waves to the five to follow him.) JO: That's it - the thing I saw. (STUBBS reaches for his gun but JO stops him.) JO: No, don't shoot - look. (The figure's gestures to follow continue. At the same time, the cave itself starts to rumble and shake.) DOCTOR: Whatever it is, I think we'd better follow it. Go on. (They walk towards the figure who turns and walks off, the others following and coughing within the encroaching gas.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. SOLOS. CAVE PASSAGE (As they follow the figure down a passage, they hear more distant explosions.) STUBBS: Making sure of it this time. COTTON: Huh? STUBBS: The Marshal. (There is another louder explosion.) STUBBS: That's the exits. COTTON: Was the exits. STUBBS: Yeah. (KY pushes past them.) KY: (Bitterly.) The Overlords are very thorough. STUBBS: If it goes on like this, the whole lot'll come down on top of us. COTTON: Hurry up, Stubbs! STUBBS: Alright, alright. COTTON: Where's he talking us anyway? [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. SOLOS. DOORWAY IN PASSAGE (The figure reaches a metal wall which cuts across the rock passage. In the wall is a metal doorway with a palm sensor next to it. The figure presses it and enters through the sliding door into a brightly lit room beyond. The DOCTOR is about to follow but pauses to scratch the outside metal of the wall with an object from his pocket.) DOCTOR: Lead. What does lead mean to you, Jo? JO: Radiation. DOCTOR: Yes, exactly. (He steps in.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. SOLOS. LABORATORY SHELTER (The others follow. The room within is part metal walls, part rock. A laboratory bench and other equipment lines one side of the room. The DOCTOR and JO immediately start to look over it as the figure waits for the two Skybase men to enter and then closes the door with an internal palm sensor. JO and the DOCTOR spin round as they hear the noise of the door. The figure then pulls off the hood of its radiation suit. Underneath is revealed a man. Just about middle-aged, completely bald, with strong intelligent eyes. He speaks in a Nordic accent as he approaches the DOCTOR with a smile and an outstretched hand...) SONDERGAARD: Welcome. You must not be alarmed. My name is... DOCTOR: (Interrupts.) Professor Sondergaard, I presume? SONDERGAARD: Mmm. (SONDERGAARD and the DOCTOR shake hands, smiling at each other.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: EXT. SOLOS (The MARSHAL approaches a GUARD.) MARSHAL: Right, I am returning to Skybase. I want every exit sealed. Understand? Every exit. SOLOS GUARD: That's impossible, sir. These mine galleries stretch for miles. We'll be here for weeks. MARSHAL: (Agreeing.) Mmm hmm. Give the gas a while to disperse, then take a squad down to the galleries. Who knows - you may find some survivors down there. (Coughs.) Right, I'm returning to the Skybase, report to me there. (He puts his oxymask back on and moves off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. SOLOS. LABORATORY SHELTER (SONDERGAARD sits as he divests himself of the rest of his radiation suit. Underneath it, he wears a robe and beads of native Solonian clothing.) SONDERGAARD: There is radioactivity present throughout the cave system. Oh, it's natural in a thaesium mine, and it's not dangerous, unless you're here for many years, as I am. Or unless you find yourself in an unstable zone - as you did, young lady. JO: S... SONDERGAARD: The entrance you found led you straight to the heart of the most dangerous radioactivity. JO: So it was you I saw? And you brought me out? SONDERGAARD: Ha! I didn't know what to do. I couldn't let you die, so I carried you as quickly as I could out of the radioactive zone to where I hoped your friends would find you. JO: Well, thank you, Professor. KY: You were given up for dead years ago. SONDERGAARD: Yeah, so were many others in the mines. The mutants, for example. JO: The mutants? Well they attacked us and tried to kill us. SONDERGAARD: Yes, I know. There are more now, may more, and as their numbers increase, so it seems does their aggression. Oh, it's not an isolated phenomenon. The...same behaviour may be observed in rats when confined. KY: And who did this to my people? Who hunted them down like wild animals - the Overlords! DOCTOR: This, er, increase in aggression that you speak of - it seems to be spreading. KY: (Cries out.) Aggression?! Yes! And who were the first aggressors? DOCTOR: Ky! This is not a political meeting. We're all on your side, you know - all of us. (KY points at a silent SONDERGAARD.) KY: Him? Why does he hide in these caves? To experiment on my people! (SONDERGAARD shakes his head.) DOCTOR: Look, give him a chance to explain! JO: Please, Ky. SONDERGAARD: Well he has my sympathies. (To KY, passionately.) Do you think I've chosen to live here? To work with this primitive equipment? I was young, ambitious. I hoped to make many great discoveries here. (KY stalks away from the Professor.) SONDERGAARD: (To the DOCTOR.) And my first was that Solos had become a slave colony. I was unwise enough to...try to inform Earth control. The Marshal intercepted my report. I was lucky to escape with my life. I managed to reach the caves. I've been here ever since. DOCTOR: But you have continued with your research? SONDERGAARD: Hah! As well as I could. As you see, I lack equipment. If it were not for the mutants, I would not have been able to survive here. KY: (Puzzled.) My people...help you? SONDERGAARD: They did. We were all outcasts. We helped one another. Once they stole food for me, and clothing. DOCTOR: And now? SONDERGAARD: Now they don't come near me. It is as if I were... KY: Diseased? SONDERGAARD: Who knows? Perhaps they're right. Strange things are happening on Solos, Doctor. (He starts to take some samples of soil, dying plants and organs in a solution off a shelf and take them over to the lab bench.) SONDERGAARD: Oh, not just to the people, but to the plants, the soil, the atmosphere - even the weather, the whole flora and fauna of Solos. (The DOCTOR looks over the dying plant-life.) DOCTOR: It's Professor Jaeger's experiments. SONDERGAARD: Exactly, and my belief is this: at first the changes were natural, but now Professor Jaeger's experiments have accelerated the changes and...something is seriously wrong. DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Yes...yes indeed. But why was I sent here? Where do these tablets come in? Ky? (He gestures to the container. KY places his hands on it and the top starts to rise open.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. SKYBASE ONE. LABORATORY (The MARSHAL enters the laboratory where JAEGER is looking over the remains of the lash-up from the DOCTOR'S particle reversal experiment.) MARSHAL: Are the ionisation rockets deployed? JAEGER: Mmm? MARSHAL: (Impatiently.) The rockets, man, for the bombardment! JAEGER: Marshal, this is not a war. MARSHAL: Oh? JAEGER: This is a scientific application of ballistics. An experiment to show that population control can be affected by atmospheric means. MARSHAL: Of course, of course, Jaeger, but let's get on with it, shall we? (He heads back for the door.) MARSHAL: Experiments, population control - jargon, Jaeger! This is war! (He leaves. JAEGER sighs and crosses to a console to carry out the order.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. SOLOS. LABORATORY SHELTER (The four stone elliptical tablets have been placed on the lab bench and SONDERGAARD looks them over.) SONDERGAARD: Extraordinary! This wonderful, Doctor, marvellous. DOCTOR: Yes, but what do they mean? SONDERGAARD: This is the same kind of hieroglyphs I've seen in the old temples. (SONDERGAARD crosses to the other side of the laboratory to fetch something.) SONDERGAARD: Ah. (He returns with a photograph of a symbol on the cave wall identical to that seen earlier by the DOCTOR.) SONDERGAARD: All over Solos you see the same symbols, you see. DOCTOR: Yes, I can see that, Professor, but can you read them? SONDERGAARD: Well, I can try. I have approximate translations for many of the basic symbols. One might call this the "Solonian book of Genesis" - the lost tablets. This, Doctor, is how the s...the story of how Solonian civilisation began. (The shelter is suddenly shaken by what seems to be another explosion. A small part of the ceiling comes in.) DOCTOR: And ended, if we don't get a move on, I think. STUBBS: (Worried.) Doctor, that wasn't a blast pack, or a grenade - that was the mountain itself. The tunnels are falling in. Now if we stay here, we finished - all of us. DOCTOR: Professor? (SONDERGAARD is absorbed in the tablets.) DOCTOR: Professor, is there another way out? SONDERGAARD: Yes, yes, there is a way, but it's dangerous. It leads to a native village a few miles from here. KY: Varan's? SONDERGAARD: Yes, I believe so. STUBBS: Well, let's go then! (STUBBS collects his equipment.) SONDERGAARD: No, no, no, I must stay. STUBBS: Doctor? DOCTOR: No, sorry, Stubbs, no, you go. Take Miss Grant with you. The Professor and I have got work to do. JO: (Concerned.) You're not going to stay here, Doctor? DOCTOR: Jo! Look, the key to everything lies here in this room - these tablets, Professor Sondergaard's records - I must find the answer. JO: Yes, I know but you heard what he said - the whole mountain is caving in. DOCTOR: We shall have time. JO: (Cries.) But, Doctor, you... DOCTOR: (Interrupts.) Jo, please? Please, don't argue with me. I'll join you later. STUBBS: Come on, Miss Grant. (He opens the door to the outside.) STUBBS: (To KY.) What about Varan? KY: I can handle him. SONDERGAARD: To find the shaft that leads to the passageway, take always the path leading up. (The four start to walk out. JO gives the DOCTOR a smile before she goes which he returns. SONDERGAARD closes the door and then returns to the bench, rubbing his hands.) SONDERGAARD: Now then, Doctor. (The two scientists pore over the four tablets. SONDERGAARD points to a symbol that appears on three on the tablets.) SONDERGAARD: Now, this particular symbol here, for instance, is the Solonian symbol for life. [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. SOLOS. CAVE PASSAGE (STUBBS lights the way with his torch as leads KY and JO through the cave system with COTTON bringing up the rear. The remnants of the gas fills the air. JO stumbles in the gloom and looks back to see a roaring mutant stalking them. COTTON helps her on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. SOLOS. LABORATORY SHELTER (The examination of the tablets continues...) SONDERGAARD: Now then, this pattern repeated is almost the same, and this is the Solonian sun symbol. (He points to an oblong with a carved point on it - rather like the drawn path of on elliptical orbit.) DOCTOR: Yes, well, they aren't numbers, so it can't be a code. Let's try something else. (He points to the four in turn.) DOCTOR: Fire, earth, air, water... (SONDERGAARD doesn't look impressed with the idea.) DOCTOR: No, alright, that's no good. SONDERGAARD: Mmm. Well, erm, a...a cycle perhaps, representing some form of chemical process? DOCTOR: Yes, but the process keeps repeating itself. What process repeats itself? SONDERGAARD: Well, life. DOCTOR: Life in some form will always go on. (There is another explosion-like rumble from the mountain above and another part of the roof comes down.) SONDERGAARD: Let's hope so. DOCTOR: Yes. (They continue.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. SOLOS. CAVE PASSAGE (The four continue down a long passage. JO, still near the rear of the group, glances into a side turning.) JO: Look, a guard! (KY jumps into concealment behind a ridge as COTTON makes a show of apprehending JO. The guard runs forward with his gun raised. STUBBS runs back.) STUBBS: Alright, mate? It's me - Stubbs. Here ... (The guard looks impassively on and fires at STUBBS. He ducks to miss the shot as KY jumps out of concealment and clubs the guard down. STUBBS looks round.) STUBBS: Come on, better try this way. (They move off down his suggested route.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. SOLOS. LABORATORY SHELTER DOCTOR: It must be a code of some kind - it must. (Inspiration suddenly comes to him and he snaps his fingers.) DOCTOR: Eureka, it's a calendar! (He points at the four tablets in turn.) DOCTOR: Spring, summer, autumn, winter. SONDERGAARD: Ha, but Solos has no seasons. It does not tilt on its axis relative to its sun. DOCTOR: Well, it may not tilt, Professor, but it could move closer. Look, these ellipses here, they're the orbits. SONDERGAARD: But Solos takes two thousand years to go round its sun. We know that. (The DOCTOR thinks.) DOCTOR: Then the seasons must be five hundred years long. SONDERGAARD: Mmm, possibly. (The DOCTOR points to two of the tablets in turn.) DOCTOR: See, these signs here. They only appear in the summer. And these little matchstick men here only appear in the spring. (SONDERGAARD points to a third.) SONDERGAARD: Yes, but...but what about these spirals? They...they're like small sun symbols. DOCTOR: Yes, like small sun symbols... (Realisation dawns...) DOCTOR: Well, yes but...but that's it! That...that's what I said - that's radiation. That's thaesium radiation! So that's why they sent me here. (He grabs his cloak.) DOCTOR: Professor, I want you to take me to that place where you found Jo Grant. STUBBS: The radiation cave - but I've only one suit. If you spend any time in there without one, Doctor, you will die. Any man would. DOCTOR: Any "man" perhaps. (There is another rumble and the room shakes. The DOCTOR throws SONDERGAARD his radiation suit.) DOCTOR: Hurry, Professor. (SONDERGAARD starts to don the suit.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. SOLOS. CAVE PASSAGE (The four make their way along a passage with an upward incline. KY helps JO as she gasps for breath.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. SOLOS. ANOTHER CAVE PASSAGE (This passage is more even. STUBBS shines his searchlight on the ceiling as they go. He stops.) STUBBS: This is it - look! (Above them is a carved funnel leading to an opening.) STUBBS: If we can reach that ledge. Right, Cotton, you first, then Ky. JO: If only we had a rope. (Suddenly, a Solonian in armour looks over the edge of the opening and downwards at the group. JO sees him and gasps.) COTTON: What? What is it? JO: Look! (JO points upwards but the figure has disappeared.) JO: There was someone there, I tell you. There was! COTTON: Well, he's not there now, Miss. JO: But he was there. He was wearing a...a helmet. KY: A warrior? JO: Well, he could have been. KY: If we are near Varan's village...his people are in a savage mood. COTTON: Right. (COTTON starts to climb up the funnel, easily making it by standing on or gripping onto the heavily ridged sides. He reaches the top.) STUBBS: Anything?! COTTON: No, nothing! STUBBS: Right, up we go. KY: Varan will be somewhere near. (KY starts to climb, followed by JO then STUBBS.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: EXT. SOLOS. VARAN'S VILLAGE (VARAN, dressed in an armoured helmet, addresses three of his similarly attired warriors. VARAN'S transformation has moved a stage further and his face is now also encrusted.) VARAN: My people, we are all that are left. But we are warriors yet. Shall we crawl away and die in darkness like the rest or shall we fight, one last time? WARRIOR GUARD: (OOV.) Varan! (A WARRIOR GUARD runs out of the mist and into the village.) WARRIOR GUARD: (OOV.) Varan! Varan - Overlords, from the place of darkness. [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. SOLOS. CAVE PASSAGE (The DOCTOR and the suited SONDERGAARD walk into a passage.) DOCTOR: Where is it? SONDERGAARD: This section here. (SONDERGAARD points at a huge round stone blocking an entrance.) DOCTOR: Right, there it is. (They walk up to it.) DOCTOR: How do we move it? SONDERGAARD: That way. DOCTOR: This way. (The two brace themselves against the stone...) DOCTOR: Right? SONDERGAARD: Yep (They roll the stone to one side...) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. SOLOS. RADIATION CAVE (...and a glowing light within pours out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. SOLOS. CAVE PASSAGE (They rest the stone against the wall of the passage...) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. SOLOS. RADIATION CAVE (...and peer within. SONDERGAARD has to hold up his hands against the glare.) DOCTOR: Your helmet, Professor. (SONDERGAARD seems transfixed by the glare.) DOCTOR: Your helmet, man! SONDERGAARD: Oh, yes. (He starts to don the helmet.) SONDERGAARD: What about you, Doctor? The intensity in there's far greater. DOCTOR: Don't worry about me. I've already prepared myself. Ready? SONDERGAARD: Mmm hmm. (They enter. Their movements become slower as they are hit by the energy. They walk slowly towards the centre of the cave. Once more, its dazzling colours create a cascade of light across the walls. SONDERGAARD holds up his hands in protection against the forces within while the DOCTOR stands calmly but in awe at what he sees around him.) DOCTOR: It's magnificent! It's like a cathedral! [SCENE_BREAK] 20: EXT. SOLOS. VARAN'S VILLAGE (JO and the others reach the village. There is no sign of anyone about. JO breathes in using COTTON'S oxymask and, having had her fill, passes it back to the Skybase guard. They enter the small open hut. Once within and entrapped, VARAN and his men jump forward out of the mist, the WARRIOR GUARD giving a cry as he does so. STUBBS and COTTON raise their guns.) KY: No! Don't shoot! (Another warrior has come in from the back of the hut and grabbed JO. They are surrounded.) VARAN: Your weapons, Overlords. (STUBBS and COTTON drop their guns. VARAN now has a series of ridges growing out of his back...) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. SOLOS. RADIATION CAVE (The DOCTOR and SONDERGAARD make their way further into the cave. Dazzling blue shapes seem to fly past them. SONDERGAARD gives a cry of pain.) DOCTOR: Come on, we've got to get to the heart of it. (The DOCTOR takes his arm and puts it over his shoulders and half carries the man onwards. As they approach nearer to the centre, more shapes come out of nowhere and fly past the two men. SONDERGAARD gives another cry of pain, falling off the DOCTOR and to the ground.) SONDERGAARD: No! You go! Leave me! (The DOCTOR lets him down and then examines him briefly. He then moves on towards the centre of the cave, holding his hands up against the light. He rounds a corner and sees a brilliantly-lit object, rather like a statue of a seated figure. Holding his hands up against the glare, he approaches it. A dark point rests in the centre "chest" of the figure. The DOCTOR reaches out and takes it. It appears to be a dark crystal. As he walks off, sparks surround him. He pockets the crystal and returns to SONDERGAARD, picking the man up in a fireman's lift. He then makes for the exit from the dazzling cave.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: EXT. SOLOS. VARAN'S VILLAGE (JO and the others kneel on the floor of the open hut, their hands bound behind their backs. VARAN and his men stand over them. Two of the Solonians hold STUBBS and COTTON'S weapons. JO is breathing badly in the atmosphere.) VARAN: Overlords, you will suffer as I have suffered. And you, renegade, will die. KY: You are a fool, Varan. Attack Skybase and you will sacrifice your men for nothing. VARAN: What have we to fear? We have nothing left now but revenge. KY: (Cries out.) You cannot hope to get into Skybase, much less destroy it! VARAN: You forget - we have the Overlords, we have their weapons. You and the woman will act as shields. So you see, renegade, you will die for a cause - the cause of Varan's revenge. Now move! WARRIOR GUARD: Move! (The four are pulled to their feet and thrust forward.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. SKYBASE ONE. MARSHAL'S OFFICE (The door to the MARSHAL'S office opens and JAEGER is escorted in by two guards.) MARSHAL: Well? The countdown started? JAEGER: Started? Marshal, are you aware how long it takes to check out an orbital rocket? MARSHAL: You have the engineers, haven't you? JAEGER: They've deteriorated almost as much as the hardware. MARSHAL: Hmm! Excuses, Jaeger, excuses! (There is a sudden trilling signal from the MARSHAL'S radio baton. He opens it.) MARSHAL: (Into radio.) Yes? TANNOY VOICE: Message from deep space. (The MARSHAL looks alarmed.) MARSHAL: (Into radio.) What? TANNOY VOICE: Message reads: Unscheduled Hyperion Space Shuttle now on course: Solos. ETA: Twenty-two, twenty, twenty-nine, Solos time. Earth Council investigator on board. (The MARSHAL is looking more perturbed as the message is relayed.) MARSHAL: (Into radio.) Investigator? What investigator? TANNOY VOICE: Message ends. (The MARSHAL snaps his baton shut.) MARSHAL: Blast the Earth council! Who do they think they are? An investigator? Investigating what? JAEGER: Your activities should give him plenty of scope. (At this, the MARSHAL stands and walks round his desk in a threatening fashion.) MARSHAL: Jaeger, if I didn't need you... Now, listen to me - when this...investigator arrives, he will be met with a fait accompli. Your experiments will have been carried out and Mutts will have been eliminated and the air on Solos will be breathable - understand? JAEGER: But the rockets are only half ready... MARSHAL: (Shouts.) Either they go or you go, Professor Jaeger! (Quietly.) I intend to meet this investigator on the planet's surface itself. Face to face, without masks. [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. SOLOS. TRANSFER STATION (A Skybase Guard, alone in the Solos transfer station, turns and sees STUBBS and COTTON walking towards him.) GUARD: Hello you two, where are you going? Up, Stubbs? STUBBS: Yeah, His Nibs wants to see us. (He is knocked to the floor from behind by VARAN'S mutating hand. As STUBBS and COTTON lay him to one side, JO and KY are brought into the reception area by the other Solonians.) VARAN: You did well, Overlords. Now the way to Skybase lies open. STUBBS: You don't stand a chance, Varan. VARAN: We're prepared to die. JO: What good will that do? Believe me, the Doctor will help you find a cure. VARAN: There is no cure for this! (He indicates the heavily encrusted skin on his face.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. SOLOS. LABORATORY SHELTER (The DOCTOR and SONDERGAARD have returned to the Professor's laboratory. The crystal has been placed on a block for examination. SONDERGAARD stands to one side, recovering from the effects of the radiation cave.) DOCTOR: Yes, of course! The Solonians are meant to mutate. Mutation is part of it. Part of an evolution. They're meant to change, their environment changes every five hundred years - a life cycle unique in the history of the universe. And now, thanks to the Marshal, threatened with extinction. SONDERGAARD: So, it's...it's not a sickness? DOCTOR: No, it's a metamorphosis, an adaptive change. The mutants, as we know them, are...an intermediate form. SONDERGAARD: And we've yet to see the final metamorphosis? DOCTOR: Exactly. The radiation cave is the key to that. SONDERGAARD: Well, the tablets led us to the crystal. DOCTOR: Yes, it must play a vital part in the process, but what? SONDERGAARD: Oh...well, maybe that the cellular change is only affected by the particular radiation in the crystal. DOCTOR: That's the extraordinary thing about it. It shows absolutely no radioactivity at all. Here, try it for yourself. (The DOCTOR passes him the probe of a Geiger counter.) SONDERGAARD: But that's impossible! (SONDERGAARD plays the probe over the crystal with no result.) DOCTOR: Apparently not. If only we could analyse it...and find out its true function. SONDERGAARD: The equipment here's too primitive for crystallography. There's only one place... (The DOCTOR realises what he's talking about.) DOCTOR: Skybase - Jaeger's lab. SONDERGAARD: Hmm. (They grab the crystal and the four tablets and prepare to leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. SOLOS. TRANSFER STATION (The guard still lies unconscious on the floor in the Solos transfer station. A tannoy announcement is made...) TANNOY VOICE: All Skybase personnel. All Skybase personnel - return to Skybase immediately. Repeat: return immediately. Countdown proceeding on rocket launch. (There is no one else in the area.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. SKYBASE ONE. TRANSFER SECTION (Up on Skybase, JO and STUBBS are held by VARAN and one of his warriors in the transfer section. The two booths glow blue and KY and COTTON materialise with their Solonian escorts.) TANNOY VOICE: Launch now in final stage. (KY and COTTON are thrust out of their booths.) VARAN: Now, Overlords. This way. (The four prisoners are thrust down a corridor.) TANNOY VOICE: All vectors cleared. All systems green and go on countdown. Sixty seconds and counting. [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. SKYBASE ONE. CORRIDOR (STUBBS and COTTON take the lead as they progress through Skybase.) TANNOY VOICE: Fifty-five and counting. (JO and KY, still with their wrists bound are next, followed by VARAN and his men.) TANNOY VOICE: Fifty-one. Fifty and counting. [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. SKYBASE ONE. LABORATORY (JAEGER sits nervously at a console while the MARSHAL stands impassively over him.) TANNOY VOICE: Forty-seven. Forty-five and counting. JAEGER: This is stupid! I take no responsibility! MARSHAL: That is for me to decide. TANNOY VOICE: Forty-one. Emergency! Emergency! Unauthorised personnel in transfer section! Hold countdown! (The MARSHAL speaks into his baton.) MARSHAL: No, keep the countdown going. TANNOY VOICE: Countdown proceeding. MARSHAL: Guards to transfer section - immediate! (To JAEGER.) Nothing is to stop this countdown - nothing! (He storms out of the laboratory.) MARSHAL: Guards! [SCENE_BREAK] 30: INT. SOLOS. CAVE PASSAGE (The DOCTOR and SONDERGAARD make their way up the same incline taken by JO and the others before. SONDERGAARD is heavily out of breath. He points.) SONDERGAARD: There...there! (The DOCTOR sees a shaft of light coming into the passage. At that moment, SONDERGAARD collapses. The DOCTOR looks torn.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: INT. SKYBASE ONE. CORRIDOR (The MARSHAL leads his men stealthily down a corridor. As they come to a junction, he halts them and watches. After a moment, the invaders come round the corner, the hostages still in the lead.) TANNOY VOICE: Thirty-eight, thirty-seven, thirty-six, thirty-five, thirty-four, thirty-three, thirty-two, thirty-one and counting. Thirty, twenty-nine... JO: What are they counting? TANNOY VOICE: Twenty-eight... STUBBS: It must be one of Jaeger's experiments. COTTON: You hope. TANNOY VOICE: Twenty-seven... VARAN: Silence! TANNOY VOICE: Twenty-six, twenty-five, twenty-four... (They pass the door to the Bacterial Decontamination section.) KY: This is madness, Varan. TANNOY VOICE: Twenty-three... (STUBBS senses someone ahead.) STUBBS: Quiet! TANNOY VOICE: Twenty-two, twenty-one, twenty seconds and counting. (STUBBS sees the approaching MARSHAL and his men. He points to the Bacterial Decontamination section.) STUBBS: In there, quick! TANNOY VOICE: Eighteen, seventeen... (They start to enter as the Skybase Guards open fire. The first casualties are all of VARAN'S men who are shot to the ground. The others, including VARAN make it into the chamber.) [SCENE_BREAK] 32: INT. SKYBASE ONE. BACTERIAL DECONTAMINATION SECTION (The chamber is bare and well-lit. VARAN draws his sword as the MARSHAL follows them in.) TANNOY VOICE: Ten, nine, eight, seven... (The MARSHAL fires point-blank at the VARAN...) TANNOY VOICE: Six, five... (...and the entire wall behind him explodes and is torn away revealing nothing but space beyond.) TANNOY VOICE: Four, three... (As JO watches in horror, VARAN is sucked into space.) TANNOY VOICE: Two, one, zero! (The others are thrown to the floor as Skybase lurches. COTTON grabs hold of a wall handle.) [SCENE_BREAK] 33: EXT. SKYBASE ONE (From exit holes, a rain of rockets emerges...) [SCENE_BREAK] 34: SPACE (VARAN twists in space, his mouth open in silent agony.) [SCENE_BREAK] 35: INT. SKYBASE ONE. BACTERIAL DECONTAMINATION SECTION (The MARSHAL grips to the edge of the gaping hole in the wall as the air is sucked out.) TANNOY VOICE: Emergency! Emergency! (The others have formed a human chain from COTTON'S handgrip to KY'S arm. STUBBS holds onto his leg with one hand and JO in the other but they are all being pulled towards the gaping hole...) TANNOY VOICE: Hull fracture in section three. Depressurise and isolate!

Plan: A: safety; Q: What does Professor Sondergaard lead the Doctor and his friends to? A: the tablets; Q: What does Professor Sondergaard try to help the Doctor translate? Summary: The Doctor and his friends are led to safety by Professor Sondergaard, who tries to help the Doctor translate the tablets.

THE CITY OF DEATH By David Agnew (alias Douglas Adams with Graham Williams) (From a story line by David Fisher) First shown 6th October, 1979 5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] HERMANN: Excuse me, my lady. The people you wished to speak to are here. COUNTESS: Good, Hermann. Show them in. HERMANN: Yes, my lady. DOCTOR: I say, what a wonderful butler. He's so violent. Hello, I'm called the Doctor. That's Romana, that's Duggan. You must be the Countess Scarlioni and this is clearly a delightful Louis Quinze chair. May I sit in it? I say, haven't they worn well? Thank you, Hermann, that'll be all. COUNTESS: Doctor, you're being very pleasant with me. DOCTOR: Well, I'm a very pleasant fellow. COUNTESS: But I didn't invite you here for social reasons. DOCTOR: Yes, I could see that the moment you didn't invite me to have a drink. Well, I will have a drink now you come to mention it. Yes, do come in, everybody. DOCTOR: Romana, sit down over there. Duggan. Now, Duggan, you sit there. Do sit down if you want to, Count. Oh, all right. Now, isn't this nice? COUNTESS: The only reason you were brought here was to explain exactly why you stole my bracelet. DOCTOR: Ah, well, it's my job, you see. I'm a thief. And this is Romana, she's my accomplice. And this is Duggan. He's the detective who's been kind enough to catch me. That's his job. You see, our two lines of work dovetail beautifully. COUNTESS: Very interesting. DOCTOR: Yes. COUNTESS: I was rather under the impression that Mister Duggan was following me. DOCTOR: Ah. Well, you're a beautiful woman, probably, and Duggan was trying to summon up the courage to ask you out to dinner, weren't you, Duggan? COUNTESS: Who sent you? DOCTOR: Who sent me what? COUNTESS: Doctor, the more you try to convince me that you're a fool, the more I'm likely to think otherwise. Now, it would only be the work of a moment to have you killed. DOCTOR: What? COUNTESS: Put it down. ROMANA: It's one of those isn't it? COUNTESS: Yes, it's a very rare and precious Chinese puzzle box. You won't be able to open it so put it down. ROMANA: Oh, look. SCARLIONI: Yes. Very pretty, isn't it. ROMANA: Very. Where's it from? SCARLIONI: From? It's not from anywhere. It's mine. COUNTESS: My dear, these are the people who stole it from me at the Louvre. DOCTOR: Hello there. SCARLIONI: How very curious. Two thieves enter the Louvre gallery and come out with a bracelet. Couldn't you think of anything more interesting to steal? DOCTOR: Well, I just thought it was awfully pretty and a terribly unusual design. Of course, it would have been much nicer to have stolen one of the pictures, but I've tried that before and all sorts of alarms go off which disturbs the concentration. SCARLIONI: Yes, it would. So you stole the bracelet simply because it's pretty? DOCTOR: Yes. Well, I think it is. Don't you? SCARLIONI: Yes. COUNTESS: My dear, I don't think he's as stupid as he seems. SCARLIONI: My dear, nobody could be as stupid as he seems. DOCTOR: Oh. SCARLIONI: This interview is at an end. DOCTOR: Good. Well, we'll be off. A quick stagger up the Champs Elysees, perhaps a bite at Maxims. What do you think, Romana? ROMANA: Maxims SCARLIONI: I think a rather better idea would be if Hermann were to lock you into the cellar. I should hate to lose contact with such fascinating people. DOCTOR: Ah. Duggan, what are you doing? For heavens sake, that's a Louis Quinze. DUGGAN: But you're not going to let them lock us up DOCTOR: Just behave like a civilised guest. I do beg your pardon, Count. SCARLIONI: Thank you. DOCTOR: Now, Hermann, if you'd just be kind enough to show us to our cellar, we'd be terribly grateful. Do come along, my good chap. SCARLIONI: You really should be more careful with your trinkets, my dear. After all, we do have a Mona Lisa to steal. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: How long's the Chateau been here, Hermann? HERMANN: Long enough. DOCTOR: Really, that long? Restored four or five hundred years ago? HERMANN: May have been. DOCTOR: Very stimulating, very stimulating. And this would be the cellar, would it? HERMANN: Doctor, your boring conversation does not interest me. DOCTOR: Really. Good Lord, a laboratory. Are you locking us into a laboratory? HERMANN: In here. DOCTOR: Oh, I'd much rather stay out here. This looks so interesting. HERMANN: In here, I said. [SCENE_BREAK] HERMANN: You may light it if you wish. ROMANA: How long's this thing going to last us? HERMANN: Two hours, maybe three. DOCTOR: What happens after that? HERMANN: After that, you won't need any light. DUGGAN: What do you think you're playing at? DOCTOR: Shush. Light the lamp. DUGGAN: There's only one match. DOCTOR: Then get it right. DUGGAN: You tell me to get it right? We could have escaped at least twice if you hadn't DOCTOR: Exactly, exactly. What's the point of coming all the way here just to escape immediately? What we do is, we stay here. DUGGAN: Yes? DOCTOR: Let them think they've got us safe. DUGGAN: Yes? DOCTOR: Then we escape. Light the lamp. Come on. DUGGAN: Well? DOCTOR: It's not working. DUGGAN: Oh, you and your stupid ideas. DOCTOR: Don't! DUGGAN: Well, what else use is it? DOCTOR: It was useful against the Daleks on Skaro. DUGGAN: What? DOCTOR: Oh, you wouldn't remember. Never mind. DUGGAN: That's all I need. Locked in a cellar, no way out, and two raving lunatics for company. DOCTOR: It's working. Would you like to stay on as my scientific advisor? ROMANA: Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes? ROMANA: The horizontal length of the stairs is about six metres, isn't it? DOCTOR: Yes, I suppose so. Why? ROMANA: Well, this room runs alongside the stairs, and it's only two point seven three metres in length. DOCTOR: That's fascinating. Shall we look at the lab first? [SCENE_BREAK] DUGGAN: Right, let's get out of here. DOCTOR: No. There are bound to be a couple of guards at the top of the stairs. DUGGAN: Exactly. I'm about ready to thump somebody. DOCTOR: I want to look at the lab first. DUGGAN: What use is looking at the lab? DOCTOR: In the last few hours I've been thumped, threatened, abducted and imprisoned. I've found a piece of equipment which is not of Earth technology and I've been through two time slips. I think this lab might have something to do with it. DUGGAN: Cut that stuff out, will you? What about the Mona Lisa? DOCTOR: What about it? DUGGAN: Do you reckon the Count and Countess are out to steal it? DOCTOR: Yes. DUGGAN: I don't know about you, but I'm going to stop them. DOCTOR: They're not going to steal it at five o'clock in the afternoon, are they? DUGGAN: Why not? DOCTOR: Because the Louvre is still open. DUGGAN: Oh, yes. DOCTOR: Now, while we're here, why don't you and I find out how they're going to steal it and why. Or are you just in it for the thumping? DUGGAN: I'm in it mainly to protect the interests of the art dealers who employ DOCTOR: I know, but mainly for the thumping. What do you think Romana's up to? DUGGAN: I don't know. DOCTOR: Nor do I. Looks intriguing, don't you think? DUGGAN: I don't care. I'm going. DOCTOR: What? DOCTOR: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? KERENSKY: Who are you? DOCTOR: Me? KERENSKY: Yes, who are you? What are you doing here? DOCTOR: Me? I'm the Doctor. What you're doing is terribly interesting, but you've got it wrong. [SCENE_BREAK] SCARLIONI: A truly remarkable piece of equipment, I hope you'll agree. It makes the impossible, possible. SCARLIONI: Perhaps the Professor should see it. I should like him to know that while he is no doubt a genius, the man he is working for is altogether more clever. HERMANN: Without question, sir. Shall I go and fetch the Professor, Excellency? SCARLIONI: Yes. Ah, no. No, I would not disturb the work. Besides, I don't think our Professor would be very amused. Are we ready? HERMANN: Yes, Excellency. SCARLIONI: Then let us begin. [SCENE_BREAK] KERENSKY: Wrong? What are you talking about? DOCTOR: Well, you're tinkering with time. That's always a bad idea unless you know what you're doing. KERENSKY: I know what I'm doing. I am the foremost authority on temporal theory in the whole world. DOCTOR: The whole world? KERENSKY: Yes. DOCTOR: Well, that's a very small place when you consider the size of the universe. KERENSKY: Ah, but who can? DOCTOR: Oh, some can. And if you can't, you shouldn't tinker with time. KERENSKY: But you saw it work. The greatest achievement of the human race. A cellular accelerator. You saw it! An egg developed into a chicken in thirty seconds. With a large one, I can turn a calf into a cow in even less time. It will be the end of famine in the world. DOCTOR: It'll be the end of you, if you're not careful, never mind the cow. Look. KERENSKY: Well, there are a few technical problems. DOCTOR: A few technical problems! No, no, no. The whole principle you're working on is wrong. You can stretch time backwards or forwards within that bubble, but you can't break into it or out of it. It's true you have created a different time continuum, but it's totally incompatible with ours. KERENSKY: Ah. I don't know what you mean. DOCTOR: Have you tried this? DOCTOR: That's a more interesting effect, don't you think? Did you know when you built that it could do something like that? KERENSKY: No. What did you do? DOCTOR: What do you mean, what did I do? I just reversed the polarity. This is very expensive equipment, isn't it? KERENSKY: Oh, very expensive. The Count is very generous. A true philanthropist. I do not ask too many questions. DOCTOR: Well, you'd. What's your name? KERENSKY: Kerensky. DOCTOR: Kerensky? KERENSKY: Theodore Nikolai Kerensky. DOCTOR: Theodore Nikolai Kerensky, a scientist's job is to ask questions. You should DOCTOR: Theodore. Theo. Kerensky! He's fainted. DUGGAN: No, I hit him. Now, can we stop wondering about conjuring tricks with chickens and get out of this place? DOCTOR: Yes, that's your philosophy, isn't it. If it moves, hit it. He's going to be all right. If you do that one more time, Duggan, I'm going to take very, very severe measures. DUGGAN: Yeah? Like what? DOCTOR: I'm going to ask you not to. ROMANA (OOV.): Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes? ROMANA: I was right. DOCTOR: About what? ROMANA: Those measurements. There's another room behind the wall, bricked up. DUGGAN: Is it important? DOCTOR: Let's look. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Very impressive. ROMANA: The brickwork's very old. DOCTOR: Yes, four to five hundred years. DUGGAN: In which case it can wait another hour or two while we sort these guys out. DOCTOR: No, no, no. In my view, a room that's been bricked up for four or five hundred years is urgently overdue for an airing. DUGGAN: Come on, let's get out of here. We've got the Mona Lisa to worry about. DOCTOR: Duggan. [SCENE_BREAK] SCARLIONI: So, there is the problem. A box constructed of steel and plate glass, but merely a physical barrier to protect the painting from attack. We cut through the glass with the aid of our sonic knife. SCARLIONI: Now wait. We now come to the second and far more interesting line of defence. The laser beams. Interrupt them, and every alarm in Paris will go off instantly. To get through them, we must alter the refractive index of the very air itself. Hermann. HERMANN: Sir. SCARLIONI: A prismatic beam now deflects the beams and the picture is accessible. SCARLIONI: A useful little device. Wear it always. COUNTESS: My dear, you must be a genius. SCARLIONI: Let's just say I come from a family of geniuses. Tonight, enough of rehearsals. Tonight, the real thing! [SCENE_BREAK] ROMANA: Why do you suppose the Count's got all this equipment, Doctor? DOCTOR: He seems to be financing some dangerous experiment with time. The professor, of course, thinks he's breeding chickens. DUGGAN: Stealing the Mona Lisa to pay for chickens? ROMANA: Yes, but who'd want to buy the Mona Lisa? You can hardly show it if it's known to be stolen. DUGGAN: There are at least seven people in my address book who'd pay millions for that picture for their private collection. ROMANA: But no one could even know they'd got it! DUGGAN: It would be an expensive gloat, but they'd buy it. ROMANA: How are we going to move this last bit? DOCTOR: I think I'm going to need some machinery. DUGGAN: I've got all the machinery I need. DOCTOR: Eh? DUGGAN: Stand back. [SCENE_BREAK] ROMANA: What are they, Doctor? DOCTOR: I don't know. DUGGAN: They've been here a long time. Get on with it. DOCTOR: It's the Mona Lisa. DUGGAN: Must be a fake. DOCTOR: I don't know what's hanging in the Louvre, but this is the genuine article. DUGGAN: What? DUGGAN: They must be fakes. DOCTOR: The brushwork's Leonardo's. DUGGAN: How can you tell? DOCTOR: It's as characteristic as a signature. The pigment, too. DUGGAN: On all of them? DOCTOR: Every one. What I don't understand is why a man who's got six Mona Lisas wants to go to all the trouble of stealing a seventh. DUGGAN: Come on, Doctor, I've just told you. There are seven people who would buy the Mona Lisa in secret, but nobody's going to buy the Mona Lisa when it's hanging in the Louvre! ROMANA: Of course. They'd each have to think they were buying the stolen one. DUGGAN: Right. DOCTOR: I wouldn't make a very good criminal, would I? SCARLIONI: No. Good criminals don't get caught. I see you've found some of my pictures. Rather good, aren't they? By the end of this evening, I shall have a seventh. DOCTOR: Can I ask you where you got these? SCARLIONI: No. DOCTOR: Right. Or how you knew they were here? SCARLIONI: No. DOCTOR: They've been bricked up a long time. SCARLIONI: Yes. DOCTOR: I like concise answers. SCARLIONI: Good. I came down to find Kerensky. DOCTOR: Oh? SCARLIONI: But he doesn't seem to be able to speak to me. DOCTOR: Oh. SCARLIONI: Can you throw any light on that? DOCTOR: No. DUGGAN: I can. DOCTOR: Duggan! Duggan, why is it that every time I start to talk to someone, you knock him unconscious? DUGGAN: I didn't expect him to go down that easy. DOCTOR: Well, if you don't understand heads, you shouldn't go about hitting them. DUGGAN: Well, what else would you suggest? DOCTOR: Duggan! Your job is to stop his men from stealing the Mona Lisa. The other Mona Lisa. [SCENE_BREAK] DUGGAN: Sorry, my lady. DOCTOR: I should think so, too. That was a Ming vase, second dynasty. Absolutely priceless. DUGGAN: Come on, we've got to get to the Louvre. DOCTOR: No, you have. Romana, you look after him. I've got to go meet an Italian. Middle-aged Italian. In fact, late middle-aged. Renaissance. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Hello, K9. You all right? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Leonardo? Leonardo? Ah, that Renaissance sunshine. Leonardo? The paintings went down very well. Everybody loved them. Last Supper, Mona Lisa. You remember the Mona Lisa? That dreadful woman with no eyebrows who wouldn't sit still, eh? Your idea for the helicopter took a bit longer to catch on, but as I say, these things take time. SOLDIER: You. DOCTOR: Me? SOLDIER: Who are you? What are you doing here? DOCTOR: Ah, well, I just dropped by to see Leonardo, actually. Is he about? SOLDIER: Nobody's allowed to see Leonardo. DOCTOR: Really? SOLDIER: He's engaged on important work for Captain Tancredi. DOCTOR: Captain Tancredi? SOLDIER: Do you know him? DOCTOR: No. SOLDIER: He'll want to question you. DOCTOR: Well, I'll want to question him, so we can both have a little chat, can't we. SOLDIER: He'll be here instantly. DOCTOR: You. What are you doing here? TANCREDI: I think that is exactly the question I ought to be asking you, Doctor.

Plan: A: Duggan; Q: Who is taken prisoner with the Doctor and Romana? A: the Countess's bracelet; Q: What was the Doctor so interested in? Summary: The Doctor, Romana and Duggan are taken prisoner by the Count and questioned about why the Doctor was so interested in the Countess's bracelet.

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Gloriana: Do you ever wonder? Cotton: What? Gloriana: If we could leave this place? [Laughs] Cotton: Gloriana, you mustn't be here. Gloriana: What will you do here... in the House of the Lord? [Groans] John: What the hell are you doing here, Hooke? William: Now, careful, Captain... unless you do not mind me telling the good people of Salem just who John Alden really is. The package shall be yours by midnight. [Gasps] Mary: The familiar has been cut from her. Tituba: How? Mary: An exorcism... performed by her dolt of a father, no doubt. So we must replace it. Cotton: My God. Mary: The girl has been rendered frail by her circumstance. She needs but a moment of rest. After which, she will again be strong enough to point the finger. Mary: Open your mouth. George: [Groans] Mercy: [Screaming] I know what you are. [Up-tempo music plays] [Women moaning] Mab: Get 'em into a room, will ya? I'll be back in two shakes. Gloriana: You're leaving? Mab: [Sighs] Are you deaf, girl? Get 'em into a room! Gloriana: Yes, mum. [Moaning continues] [Laughter in distance] [Insects chirping, dog barks] [Branch snaps] [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Hale: I do not. Ancient witch ♪1: Yo'a'nes John Alden. Ancient witch ♪2: John Alden. Mr. Hale: Yes? Yes. Yes. Yet, you say the man who holds the secret is dead. Are we certain we can trust her? I'm not so sure the servant is loyal. Tituba: I used to think your stubbornness a virtue. Mary: And you don't any longer? Tituba: Why go alone when there is influence in numbers? Mary: The girl has shown her color. We are well beyond the point of intimidation. Tituba: Then perhaps we are at the point of elimination. Mary: Perhaps, but for the time being, she is worth much more to us alive than dead. ["Cupid Carries a Gun" plays] ♪ Pound me the witch drums ♪ ♪ Witch drums ♪ ♪ Pound me the witch drums ♪ ♪ Pound me the witch drums ♪ ♪ The witch drums ♪ ♪ Better pray for hell ♪ ♪ Not hallelujah ♪ [Indistinct conversations] Rev. Lewis: Look who's here, Mercy... Mrs. Sibley. Sit up straight, girl. Mary: Leave us. Leave us, Reverend. Rev. Lewis: Yes. Certainly. [Door closes] Mary: You came to visit me last night. Mercy: Did I? Mary: The time for coyness has passed. It is clear you know exactly who and what I am. The only question that remains is what you will do with that information. Mercy: That depends on you, Mrs. Sibley. Mary: What do you want, girl? Mercy: I want it to stop... the torture, the torment, the suffering. Or I will tell them. I will tell them all who and what you are. Mary: You know nothing of me... Or what I've done or given up or endured to be who I am. You are tortured because you resist. Give in to me, and you will know only pleasure. Mercy: [Crying] You torture me. You put the snake inside of me. You are the hag that bites my shoulder. Mary: Careful, or your foolishness will come to overshadow your usefulness. You live still... Because I allow it. You breathe only because I wish it. Mercy: You would kill me? Mary: If you speak. Stay silent, and you shall live. My heart is deep and full. It yearns to give you further chance to prove your worth. Fail me, and you fail yourself. The crag awaits your decision. John: [Grunting] [Breathes sharply] Damn it. [Gasping] [Grunts] [Gasping] [Sizzling] [Horse whinnies] [Indistinct conversations in distance] [Knock on door] Gloriana: You sent for me? Cotton: Yes. Gloriana: [Sighs] If your purpose is further humiliation or probings of the heart, I, for one, have had my fill. Cotton: My purpose is a proposition. A business arrangement of sorts. Gloriana: I'm listening. Cotton: In which you would tell me the sum of your most fruitful week's bounty, and I shall provide double in perpetuity... For your company... And your precious time... In exclusivity. Gloriana: So you wish to buy me outright. Cotton: I'm an only child. I never learned to share. Gloriana: Which is as close as a man like you comes to an apology. Was it really so very painful for you to see me with another? Cotton: Yes. Will you be mine? Gloriana: [Breathes sharply] [Knock on door] John: Cotton. Gloriana: [Gasps] Cotton: Captain Alden! [Both breathing heavily] What brings you here? [Chuckles] John: This. [Indistinct conversations] Elizabeth: Are you sure, Dottie? Are you sure she won't hurt us? Dottie: 'Course she won't hurt us... unless you be a witch. Emily: Shh! Dottie: [Chuckles] Hello, Mercy. May we come in? Mercy: Mm. Dottie: They come to you in your room, Mercy? Them... Witches? Mercy: Sometimes... And other times in other places. Elizabeth: Are they here with us now? Can you see them as we speak? Mercy: No, I don't see them now. Emily: Do they hurt you? Mercy: Sometimes. Emily: What's it like? Mercy: What's it like? Emily: To point your finger and make them shake and tremble with fear. Dottie: To point your finger and watch them run. Mercy: No, it's not like that... At all. I swear. Emily: No woman in Salem has ever had that kind of power. Dottie: Not even Mary Sibley. Mercy: You think I have sway... Dottie: [Chuckles] Mercy: Amongst all the people of Salem? Emily: Your little finger points to life a-and death itself. Elizabeth: Tell us... what do the witches look like? Mercy: Mm. [Indistinct conversations] Richards: One more thing, Mrs. Sibley... there was an overflow of parcels left on the Britania, all of which are to be delivered to a William Hooke. Now, we've looked high and low. No one could seem to locate the fellow. Mary: I see. I'll take care of it. Richards: Thank you, madam. Tituba: They will not find Mr. Hooke... not now, not ever. Mary: I won't ask what happened to him. Tituba: Nor should you. Mary: Then contain it before curiosity grows. Mr. Hale: Uh, Mrs. Sibley, uh, good afternoon. Might I borrow your girl? The missus has taken ill with a batch of wayward mussels and now begs relief with one of her exceptional tonics. Mary: Please send Mrs. Hale my most urgent regrets. Mr. Hale: Most kind. Mm? Mary: Oh, Mr. Richards, uh, fetch for me a list of items this Mr. Hooke was here to receive, one that also perhaps includes their site of origin. Richards: Right away, madam. Tituba: Your lie is clumsy. No one is ill. My mistress can see that as clearly as I. Mr. Hale: Yes, well, when it comes to lies and subterfuge, I defer to your expert endowments. Tituba: State your purpose or be gone with you. Mr. Hale: My purpose is to rid this town of John Alden once and for all, unless that is a purpose for which you lack interest. [Dog barking] John: That was the same girl... from lamb's, the one you threw a punch over. Cotton: Was it? John: Wasn't aware they made outcalls. Cotton: Tell me again of the visions. John: Yellowed faces... bodies overcome by rash and blister... Death in great numbers. Cotton: And this came to you as the artifact was brought to life? John: Yep. Cotton: Where did you say it came from? John: Where everything in this town comes from... a ship. Cotton: Ritum magni. John: The grand rite? Cotton: Most of what we know is lore... rumor, legend. It says this object, this "malum," has thought to be present at every grand rite throughout history. Everything I have read has said that the grand rite has only ever been attempted, never completed. John: Maybe plague's only part of it. Cotton: This object is evil. It consecrates the earth for the devil's return. John: It was here for delivery. Someone was expecting it. Cotton: A witch. We must inform the selectmen immediately. John: No. Cotton: No? John: We have something the witches want. What better way to get their attention? Cotton: What better way to get yourself killed? John: We are all in danger, but I would rather die before Salem's finest control my fate. Are you with me? [Rat squeaking] Mr. Hale: Not over there, you infernal mutant! Over here! [Insects buzzing] That's him. Mary: And the true purpose in taking you from me? Tituba: My eyes betrayed my sense when I came upon Mrs. Hale bent over her chamber pot. Mary: If you insist upon this lie, it forces me to ask where you're off to now with such great urgency. Tituba: The apotek. I run low on the bark of cascara sagrada. Mary: By all means. Dottie: It's like the great flowing robe of the pope. Elizabeth: Or the jeweled-up crown of a king. Mercy: Well, it's quite disagreeable on... I assure you. Dottie: Just think of it... being led through the market by the handsome Reverend Mather. What's he like, Mercy, hmm? Does he speak of God and demons? Mercy: We've spoke many times. He's shown great interest in my affliction. Elizabeth: It's you who points the finger... [Laughter] Emily: While all of Salem holds their breath and waits. Mercy: Well, it's not exactly like that. I... Emily: If I had your say-so, I know who I'd accuse. Mercy: Who? Who? Dottie: It's her father. She'd accuse her own father. Mercy: Why? Dottie: Makes her sing in the streets all day long while he nurses the bottle at lamb's... sing and beg. Then he takes what coin she's made for spirits and beats her senseless for her troubles. Mercy: Is this true? Emily: I'm to be 15 next month, and he swears to sell me to the rod. Mercy: Your father means to sell you to the whorehouse? Emily: [Crying] I'll run away. Even if he sells me, I'm... I'll run. Mercy: No one is running away. No one. [Clanging] Hawker: Sinner or savior! How are we to know?! Look but to the torment of the damned, and think well of the difference betwixt angels and devils, and you will know what sin is and where sin resides! John: How 'bout you not rile the crowd further than they are? Hawker: [Chuckles] It's two bits a sheet. I'm still full up here, unless you'd like to buy me out. John: Be loads more fun to beat you stupid. Miss Hale. Anne: Captain Alden. John: It's a fine day. Anne: [Sighs] Is it? John: Perhaps not. Anne: Oh, indeed. Perhaps not. Perhaps there will be no more fine days in Salem. Perhaps the days of fine days are tragically behind us. John: Have I offended you, Miss Hale? Anne: Do you consider it offensive raising hope in a heart most normally well-guarded while your own beats in the breast of another? Do you, Captain Alden, find that reprehensible or simply unkind? John: Well, I... Anne: Or, most likely, you think not of it at all or me or others, as is the wont and practice of most men. Ah, Mrs. Sibley. Mary: Anne. Anne: Perfect. [SCENE_BREAK] [Horse whinnies] [Sighs] Mary: Are you ever grateful to be no longer young? John: [Scoffs] Yes. Though her youthful moxie does bring to mind another. Mary: I was never that young. John: We were both... Once. What brings you to market? Mary: Tituba. We were to meet at the herbalist. Tituba: A fine pair you two make in this place of death. Mr. Hale: Give it to her. Tituba: It will take time. Mr. Hale: And you will report to me as soon as you're finished. Tituba: Afraid to stay? Mr. Hale: My time is better spent elsewhere. Tituba: For the best. Once a man dabbles in the dark arts, it's difficult for him to return to the light. Fetch me a rabbit. Ghoul: Y-yes. [Indistinct conversations] Man: Get on there! Rose: Mrs. Sibley. Mary: Mrs. Browning. Rose: Oh. No need to turn away. He is an arresting figure. Only my old lady's eyes that keep me from staring myself. Mary: Don't be ridiculous. Cotton: You still insist on ignoring my expertise. John: Yep. Cotton: There are less pedestrian, less painful methods, with which we could accomplish our goals. It must happen tonight. There will be no second chances. John: The ways of the common are always good enough for me. And if it causes pain, so much the better. Mr. Hale: Still in a brown study, I see. Mrs. Hale: Hasn't spoken a word all day. Mr. Hale: Mm. Well, she'll recover. Mrs. Hale: From what? What did you say to her? Mr. Hale: Nothing. Merely trying to spare her heart the inevitable woe. Mrs. Hale: Worry not, my husband. This will all be distant memory once she's become Mrs. Cotton Mather. Mr. Hale: Mm-hmm. Rose: I wonder. Mary: Wonder what? Rose: If he'd never left, if you'd been allowed to marry, and found yourself now in that house of his with three squalling brats, working ceaselessly to spread your meager wages... Would Captain Alden still hold such desperate appeal? Or is it that you're trapped in first bliss, romance from which there's no escape, your heart ever hurting from the imaginings of what could have been? Do not stare at him in public. It weakens you. Mary: It never even occurs to you, does it? I might have outgrown your sage advice. [Clanging] Mercy: [Growling] Dottie: Though she cannot speak... Girls: ...She will show us the witch! She will show us the witch! Tituba: Balbin, gab, Gabor, agaba! Arise, I call thee! Colpriziana, offina alta nestra, fuaro menut. William Hooke, thou art the dead I seek. William Hooke, answer my calling. Girls: She will show us the witch! Dottie: Though she cannot speak... Girls: ...She will show us the witch! Mercy: [Snarls] Girls: She will show us the witch! She will show us the witch! She will show us the witch! She will show us the witch! Mercy: [Screaming] [Crowd murmuring] [Screaming continues] Mary: Stop her, Reverend. She makes mockery of you. Stop her! Mercy: [Breathing deeply] [Screams] Tituba: William Hooke, thou art the dead I seek. William Hooke, answer my calling. Fortis roa, strength and breath, strength and breath, strength and breath. William Hooke, thou art the dead I seek. William Hooke, answer my calling. Strength and breath, strength and breath, strength and breath. Hooke: You. Tituba: Yes. Hooke: I thought our business concluded. Tituba: Tell me John Alden's secret. Hooke: [Chuckles] Meet me in hell, you bitch. Tituba: Oh, there are worse places than hell. Speak! Hooke: Ahh. [Indistinct shouting] Mercy: [Growling] [Screams] Witch! Dottie: Oh, no, Emily. It's your father. [Indistinct conversations] Man: [Grunting] Tituba: What's happened now? Mr. Hale: Query your mistress. I haven't the faintest idea. What of your mission? Mary: Of course I find you here, not at the jail investigating this new witch, not with Mercy Lewis, but here, alone, playing with your blasted toys. Cotton: It seems I am determined to displease you, Mrs. Sibley. Mary: [Crying] Cotton: Mrs. Sibley. Please. Mary: I'm sorry. Cotton: Please. Tell me... what troubles you. Mary: That girl has gone mad with power. Encouraged by her peers, influenced by petty dispute. The selectmen fear that she's no longer reliable. Cotton: [Scoffs] Nonsense. Mary: They are uncertain that she can be further trusted. Cotton: It is not theirs to decide. I will assess the girl and form my own opinion of her role. Mary: You would do that, Reverend? Cotton: Of course. Mary: [Sighs] I am torn and harried by my many responsibilities. Cotton: [Sighs] It's my fault completely. Mary: [Sniffles] Cotton: I hadn't considered the toll this has taken on you. Mary: Oh, and a rift amongst the selectmen at this fragile moment might be more burden than I... or Salem... could bear. Cotton: Worry not, Mrs. Sibley. You fetched me here to run these witch trials, and run them I must. Mary: Thank you, Reverend. What a relief to find at least one who can relieve my hardships. [Sighs] What is that? Cotton: It's an artifact that I'm researching. Mary: Does it have to do with witches? Cotton: It's associated with the grand rite, a ritual of death attributed to witches over the centuries. Mary: And why does this object in particular concern you? Cotton: Everything regarding witches concerns me, madam. We cannot be too prepared. [Chuckles] Mary: What luck for Salem that your father was unavailable. We will owe our future to you, Reverend. Of that I am sure. [Door opens] [Footsteps approach] Mr. Hale: The secret is useless. John Alden will not leave town for a gambling debt. Rose: [Laughs] That's what she told you? Mr. Hale: She lied? Rose: [Scoffs] Mr. Hale: I'll beat it out of her. Rose: No. Does Tituba not yearn for the grand rite? Is there another, in fact, that craves it more? Mr. Hale: So she'll use the real secret. Rose: In her own way, but for the same purpose... to control Mary. Mr. Hale: Ah. Rose: [Sighs] We have another problem. The object William Hooke was tasked to deliver has fallen into other hands. Mr. Hale: And what exactly was William Hooke tasked to deliver? Rose: The malum. Mr. Hale: The malum? Rose: We must be prepared for every eventuality, even one that does not include Mary Sibley. That is the malum's purpose. Mr. Hale: Who has it? Rose: John Alden. Mary: I looked for you at market. Tituba: The apotek ran low. I was forced to pick the bark myself. Mary: The next lie to cross your lips will be your last. Tituba: You would threaten me, your one true ally? Mary: So the others have turned on me. Tituba: Yes. Mary: Who? Tituba: Each and every one. Mary: Rose? Tituba: Everyone. They meet in secret, speak of your weakness, plot to rid Salem of John Alden. Mary: Fearful he has taken me from myself. Tituba: Yes. Mary: Nonsense. I am most completely myself! Tituba: You are not! You are in love. Let me tell you about him... this man that you love. He is a murderer. Mary: [Scoffs] He is not. Tituba: Yes. And he has killed yet another to keep his secret. If I tell the Magistrate, the militia will come, they will take him, and they will hang him. Mary: Lies. Tituba: If you wish for John Alden to live, you will complete the grand rite. The next moon will see eight more dead. Mary: Lies. Tituba: The dead don't lie. Emily: Hello, father. [Indistinct conversations in distance] Henry: I'm locked up. Emily: Yes, you are. Henry: What for? Emily: You're a witch. Henry: A drunk, a card sharp, a two-timer, maybe. But a witch? [Laughing] I think not. Emily: I come to say goodbye. And thanks for nothing. Henry: I'll be out of here in no time, and then you will be sold, just like we planned. Emily: Or you'll hang... Or burn. We'll see, father. We'll see. Anne: Miss Hopkins? Emily: Miss... Miss Hale. Anne: A small collection to help ease your circumstances in this most trying time. Emily: Thank you. Anne: He'll get a fair trial. My father will see to that, or I'll see to my father. Emily: You're most kind, Miss Hale. Anne: Ah, it's not kindness. They hung my friend. I watched her kick and... Scream and... Soil herself. I will not do that again. Stay strong. Mary: Time for truth. Mary: I lied to you earlier. I was young once... young enough that I believed in goodness. I believed in it because I saw it in you. You can't help it. Y-you can't stop it. You can't be any other way. And I think that's why I loved you. Imagine my surprise... Being told you're a murderer. John: You don't know me. Mary: What? John: You don't know me! I killed 20 men. Mary: No. John: Yes. 20 men. And their only crime was that they had come to save me. Mary: No, I won't believe it. John: Believe it because it's true! [Breathing sharply] Lucky men go to their graves with no regrets. Barely a day passes when I don't have one. Mary: [Crying] Sometimes in life, we make choices. And sometimes, these... these difficult choices... they lead us to do things, terrible things, and we don't wish to. We'd do anything not to. But choice informs choice. Your actions, though your own, they... they don't resemble anything you'd have wanted or wished for. Tell me that it was like that, tell me that it was a difficult choice, a terrible thing, please, please, so that I might still believe in goodness. John: I murdered 20 men. And I make no excuses for myself. Will you have me arrested? Mary: I am the only one that knows. [Indistinct conversations and laughter] Girls: Prince of darkness, master of all, father of evil, hear our call. Prince of darkness, master of all, father of evil, hear our call. Prince... [Laughter] Girl: Father of evil, hear our call. Girls: Prince of darkness... Girl: Father of evil, hear our call. Girl: Prince of darkness, master of all, father of evil, hear our call. Prince of darkness, master of all... Girls: Prince of darkness, master of all, father of evil, hear our call. [Laughter] Father of evil, hear our call! Prince of darkness, master of all, father of evil, hear our call. Prince of darkness, master of all, father of evil, hear our call! Prince of darkness, master of all, father of evil... Mary: We had a deal. Mercy: Our deal no longer pleases me. Mary: Then I ask again... what do you want? Mercy: I want to be just like you. [Creaking] Woman: Aah! [Gun cocks] [Woman groaning] [Groaning continues] [Chuckles]

Plan: A: The Malum; Q: What is the name of the ship that John discovered? A: John; Q: Who acquires the help of Cotton? A: the Grand Rite; Q: What does John want to know more about? A: Mary; Q: Who tries to regain control of Mercy? A: the hive; Q: Who has tasked Tituba with discovering John Alden's secret? Summary: Following the discovery of The Malum, John acquires the help of Cotton to find out more about the Grand Rite. Mary tries to regain control of Mercy, and Tituba is tasked by the hive to finally discover the secret of John Alden that he has killed to keep.

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Angel: "I'm gonna have a son." Darla stakes herself leaving the baby behind in the rain. Cordy: "I have a room mate. It's cool I never see him. He's a ghost." Fred: "When I see you and Cordelia sparring... It's only natural that you and she should be drawn to one another." Cordy clocks Angel on the nose, and he turns his head to hide the pain from her. Gunn: "Cordelia, she doesn't choose to have a vision. The Powers send them to her when they got info to share." Cordy: "I look forward to my next vision." Series of highlights of some of the worst vision pains Cordy's gotten over the years. Angel: "Easy. Are you gonna be alright?" Cordy is taking pills in the bathroom: "These visions are killing me." Cordy to Angel: "If I lose the visions, I wouldn't be able to help you anymore. You wouldn't need me." Close up on a bedraggled and shaken looking Cordy. Cordy: "I'd - just like to say thank you. (Deep breath) You believed in me when no one else would. Even in my darkest hours you were there for me (almost starts crying) and that means more to me that you'll ever know. (sniffs) I guess what I'm really trying to say is - I love you. - To all my fans: (Holds up a scrub brush in plastic gloved hand) this is for you!" Shot widens to show that Cordy is sitting on the floor of the Hyperion lobby. Fred is sitting a little ways away, wearing yellow plastic gloves and applauding wildly. Fred: "Wow! That was just - wow. 'cause... oh, and with the tears! I-I got chill bumps all up my arms." Cordy: "Yup. That's the famous speech. Not that I'll ever use it of course - unless they start handing out awards for best slime and grime. - Oh, I swear. Next time Angel decides to blow something up he's cleaning his own scorch marks." Gunn walks in wearing a hairnet and facemask and carrying a spray bottle. Gunn: "Ladies. Less yammering, more scrub." Cordy: "My, Gunn. Don't you look - sterile." Gunn takes the facemask off: "Couple more hours of sniffing that industrial cleanser, I think I might be. Hey, I don't suppose you ladies wanna trade jobs?" Cordy: "Ah - hmm. Scrape up Wolfram and Hart's entrails off floor, hmm - Fred?" Fred: "You're screwed." Cordy chuckles and goes back to scrubbing the floor. Gunn leans in closer to Fred: "Wes back yet?" Cordy: "No. He's still at the store picking up some more extra strength ick remover." Gunn salutes Fred with his bottle and leaves. Angel: "Look who's up from his nap." Cordy pulls off her gloves and gets up: "Oh, Conner!" Angel curls up protectively around the baby as Cordy stretches out her hands. Angel: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa - dirty people. Not touching the baby." Cordy: "But pig-drinking bloodsuckers are okay? - I meant that in a nice way. Okay, I'm gonna go wash my hands, but when I get back I get first dibs on baby snuggles." Angel calls after her: "Don't forget to get under your fingernails. (Quietly to Fred) Does she know?" Wes burst through the door carrying a couple of bags. Wes: "Where is she?" Cordy is in the bathroom popping some pills from a prescription bottle. She comes out of the bathroom to find Gunn and Wes holding a cake with six lit candles and the picture of a female superhero on it. All four start singing 'happy birthday.' Cordy grinning: "Oh you guys. I can't believe you did this." Gunn: "Don't just stand there. Blow out the candles, girl." Cordy blows out the candles and they guys cheer. Fred: "Did you make a wish?" Cordy: "I sure did. Ah, Jude Law was a little busy, huh?" Wes: "Oh, how disappointing for you. Well, I guess you won't be wanting the presents we..." Cordy: "Oh, wanting. Wanting presents." Gunn and Wes put the cake on the lobby counter. Angel: "Do you want to hold the baby now?" Cordy: "Yeah. (Takes Connor) Oh, thank you. Hey, honey. Yeeh, the baby, baby." Angel shifts awkwardly then pulls a small box out of his pocket. Angel: "Uhm - ah, I - I got you a - a little something." Cordy takes it: "Oh, Angel, you didn't have to do that. You have enough to take care of as it is." Angel: "Well, I'm a champion. (Chuckles) We do important stuff. Hey, and who's more important then..." Wes: "You have to forgive the wrapping. Some of us seem to have fostered a strange addiction to Scotch tape." Wes, Fred, and Gunn come up, each of them carrying a big, wrapped box with a big bow on top. Cordy: "Oh - what a cruel dilemma: presents of sweet little baby face." Cordy looks down at Connor and coos. Then her head whips up all smiles gone. Cordy to Angel: "Take the baby." Angel: "You're choosing birthday gifts over my kid?" Cordy: "Take the baby! Take the baby!" Angel quickly takes Connor as Cordy gets hit by a vision. Cordy: "There's a teenager, a girl, she... she..." Cordy is suddenly blasted backwards into the glass doors of the weapons cabinet. The others cluster around her as she lies motionless on the floor. Fred: "Is she alright?" Close on Cordy as she gasps and sits up. Cordy: "I'm fine - you guys. I'll be okay. I'm just..." Cordy turns to see all of the guys clustered around her body - lying a few feet away from where she is. Cordy: "Dead?" Intro Right back where we left off. Fred: "Oh, no." Angel: "Take him. (Hands Connor to Wes) Come on Cordy, wake up. It's all over. Come back to us." Cordy: "I haven't gone anywhere. Angel..." Angel: "Please wake up." Wes: "Angel, is she..." Angel and Cordy: "No!" Cordy: "I'm not?" Angel: "She's still breathing. Her heart's still beating." Cordy: "Yes! But - If I'm not dead then..." Angel: "She's just in some sort of trance or a coma." Cordy: "Like hell I am!" Angel: "Well, let's get her over to the couch." Angel and Gunn pick up Cordy's body and carry it over to the couch. Angel: "Easy." Gunn: "All right." Angel: "Easy." Cordy watching: "Ookay. I get it. This is some kind of bizarre birthday present you guys cooked up." Fred spots the bottle of prescription pills on the floor where Cordy's body was lying and picks it up. Cordy: "Alright. The joke's on me. Now put me back in my body!" Angel: "It was a vision, wasn't it? I mean, she just started saying something about a girl..." Cordy: "That's right. She's in a house on Oak street (the others keep talking, but we can't hear what they're saying anymore than they can hear or see Cordy) the middle of Reseda. It feels like we have some time here, but - but (looks at the others) you can't hear me at all, can you?" Lorne coming down the stairs: "What's all the hubbub, bub?" Cordy: "Lorne! Thank god! You can hear me, right? 'cause if there's some weird, other-worldly thing going on you'd still be able to..." Cordy trails off as Lorne walks right through her, never noticing her. Cordy: "Oh. That's not good. (A black shadow passes overhead) Did anybody else just see that?' Lorne: "Jumping Judas on a unicycle. What happened?" Angel: "All we know is that she had a vision." Fred: "There is a lot we don't know. I think she dropped this." Holds out the bottle of pills to Angel. Cordy: "No Fred! Put that away. That's not important." Fred: "Seltrex." Wes: "Oh god." Angel: "What's Seltrex?" Cordy: "Nothing! It's just..." Wes: "Seltrex is a highly powerful migraine medication." Gunn: "Maybe we should get her to a hospital." Angel: "So they can do what? Do what they did last time, strap her to a bed and tell us there's no hope?" Wes: "Angel is right. Seltrex is potent but - it doesn't cause the catatonia." Lorne: "I'm picking up some hardcore woo-woo vibes in the room. This ain't medical, kids. It's mystical." Fred: "That's what I'm saying. There is so much we don't know. If Cordelia is taking a drug this powerful in secret, the visions are probably doing a lot more damage than she lets on." Gunn: "This last one must have overloaded her." Angel: "Don't say last! Okay? She'll come out of this. She has to." Cordy: "She will!" Angel: "Okay. Look, if this is a mystical problem there has to be some kind of mystical solution." Cordy: "There you go. Great idea!" Angel: "Gunn, you and Fred go to Cordy's place." Cordy: "No! Bad idea. Bad idea!" Angel picks up Cordy's body: "See if she's been hiding anything. Anything that could tell us what's wrong with her. Wes?" Wes: "I'll hit the books." Lorne: "I'll take the little peanut." The group disperses, leaving Cordy behind in the lobby. Cordy: "Does nobody care that there is a girl in Reseda that is about to be fed to a no-eyed, three-mouthed monster? (Hears indistinct whispering and looks around) What? - Hello? - Message. I'll leave a message." Cordy walks over to the counter top but her hand goes right through the pens sitting there. Tries again, with the same results. Gunn and Fred stand inside the door of Cordy's apartment facing a floating party hat and noisemaker, confetti floating down from the ceiling and a 'happy birthday' sign. Gunn: "I think Phantom Dennis was expecting the birthday girl." Fred smiles and steps forward: "Oh. Hi there. I-I know we haven't been formally introduced... Actually I'm not sure how to introduce myself to someone who is, you know - former. But, I'm Fred. (Reaches out and shakes the top of the party hat) It's nice to meet you." Gunn smiling: "Fred, you are - you are so cool." Fred: "I think we should tell him." Gunn takes a deep breath and steps forward. Gunn: "Okay. Uh. You might wanna... (To Fred) Do ghosts sit down?" Wes is sitting at his desk reading a book. Cordy is standing in front of it, yelling at him. Cordy: "Wesley. Wesley! WESLEY! (Waves her arms wildly) Yoo-hoo!" Wes: "But if she's in the astral plane, she could be here unable to communicate." Cordy sighs: "Yeah. Here! Unable to communicate. (Slowly walks over to take a look at Wes' book) 'Astral Projection.' I should read up. (Wes turns the page over) Wait, don't turn - turn..." Fred: "It doesn't make any sense." Gunn: "What doesn't?" Fred: "It's all - normal." Shuts the door to Cordy's bathroom vanity. Gunn: "And that's wrong?" Fred: "No (turns and sees Gunn standing in the door, one of Cordy's bras in his hands) what's wrong is you picking through Cordy's (fails around as Gunn raises his eyebrows at her) support - things." Gunn: "What - this? Come on, you're telling me you never hid anything in your underwear drawer?" Fred: "I don't know. I mean, for five years I didn't even have... Can we not talk abut my underwear, please? - And put that down. (Gunn does) I just figured if Cordy was taking something serious like Seltrex she'd have tried other stuff first. But - there is not even any Aspirin in here. (Leans in closer to Gunn) I think he's protecting her." Gunn looks around the room, the steps back into Cordy's bedroom. Gunn: "Phantom Dennis? Listen, we would never ask you to betray Cordelia, but we need to see whatever it is she's been hiding from us. I mean, unless you're so hyped on the ghosting life that you want her to join you?" After a moment, Gunn sighs and drops down on the end of Cordy's bed. A storage container slides out from under the bed. Fred and Gunn open it. Fred: "Hmm. You looked through the underwear drawer first, didn't you? (They pick up several prescription bottles) The date on this prescription? It's from a year ago." Cordy's body is lying on Angel's bed. Angel is sitting in a chair beside it, holding her hand. Through the opening to the next part of the suite we can see Connor's crib. Angel: "Cordy - Look, I know that you can't hear me, but - there is something I have to say. (Puts down her hand) You really piss me off, you know that? I thought we trusted each other. But you've been lying. MRI's and CAT scans? It's been going on for over a year. Why couldn't you let me in? I could have helped you. You make me so furious." Cordy: "You're furious? I get body-jacked on my birthday, and *you're* the one that's furious?" Lorne walks in: "Knock, knock. How is she?" Angel: "The same. You ready?" Lorne: "As I'll ever be." Cordy: "For what? What's he gonna do?" Lorne sits down on the edge of the bed. Lorne: "Although I'm sort of wishing I brought my helmet. Last time I tried this I got blown across the room." Cordy: "Oh, god, please let this work." Lorne puts his fingers on the temples of Cordy's body and closes his eyes. Cordy closes her eyes as well. Lorne: "Cordelia? Are you there?" Cordy: "It's me. Lorne, I'm here." Lorne: "Cordelia?" Cordy's eyes pop open: "Yes! One seven one Oak street. Can you hear me? Lorne?" Lorne takes his hands away and looks at Angel. Angel looks from Cordy's body to Lorne: "What?" Lorne: "Cordelia's not in there. She's just gone." Cordy: "I'm standing right in front of you." Angel sighs and rest his head on his hands. Cordy looks up as she hears the indistinct whisperings again. Cordy: "And - I'm afraid." Angel raises his head: "No. This isn't gonna happen. (Gets up) I don't care how many favors you have to call in. I don't care how many gods you have to cross. You have a connection to the Powers That Be and you're gonna find me a way to talk to them. Understand?" Lorne backs up a step: "A-angel honey, it-it's not that easy. I mean, contacting the Powers is a muddy, not to mention dangerous, area. But this is a - this is a bit much to ask." Angel: "I'm not asking." Lorne sighs and leaves. Angel sits back down on the chair beside the bed. Blend to Cordy sitting on the floor at the end of the bed. She looks over as Angel begins to snore. Cordy gets up. Cordy: "Finally! (Walks over to Angel) Okay, Wes, let's hope your books know what they're talking about." Cordy sits down on the chair, melting into Angel's body as she positions herself to match Angel's. Angel's head comes up and he exhales slowly as he straightens. He sees a permanent marker on the nightstand, and knocks over a glass sitting beside it as he picks it up. Moving slowly, he starts to write 171 Oak on the wall above the bed. We hear indistinct whispering and a dark, smoke-like shadow writhes across the wall beside Angel. (I missed the next part because of a glitch during the recording, but I take it that the shadow threw Cordy out of Angel's body, making Angel fall to the floor.) Wes walks in just as Angel picks himself up off the floor. Wes: "Angel - what are you doing on the floor?" Angel: "I don't know. I had this dream that, uh - Cordy was here. She was - ah, trying to tell me something. Something really important." Cordy: "Yes! And, and...?" Angel: "It's weird." Cordy: "*How* are *you* a champion? In what *way* are *you* a champion?" Wes: "Fred studied Cordy's latest CAT scans. The news isn't good. The tests show widespread neuro-electrical deterioration." Cordy: "That's just a fancy way of saying..." Angel: "She's dying." Cordy after a beat: "I think I like the fancy way better." Wes: "I'm still working on, ah, the mystical aspect: trance states, astral projection, spiritual possession. But so far I haven't been able to... Why don't you take a break? I-I'll watch her and Connor." Angel leaves, not meeting Wes' eyes. Cordy looking down at her body: "I'm not ready yet." A wind starts blast through the room affecting only Cordy. She backs into a corner and slowly slides down to the floor, watching as the dark shadow seeps out of the wall opposite her. The air ripples like a pond and Skip (the demon from TVT) materializes from it. Skip: "Hey. How's it going?" Break Cordy slowly stands up takes a few steps closer to Skip. Cordy: "You're - you're - death? You've come to take me." Skip burst into echoing laughter. Skip: "Kidding. (Offers her his hand) I'm Skip. (Cordy just looks at him) You're Cordelia Chase, right? (Cordy nods slightly) Sorry it took me so long, I... (Indicates her body) Is this you? Most people go astral, their spiritual shapes tend to be an idealized version of themselves. You know, straighten the nose, lose the gray, sort of a self-esteem kind of thing. You're pretty confident, aren't you?" Cordy: "What is this? Who are you? What the hell is going on?!" Skip: "You have questions. I get that. And I'll answer them, too, but first we got to get out of here." Cordy: "But why? Here is good. I feel really comfortable here. I-I like here." Skip: "But you see, there is a slight problem: you - don't belong here anymore." Cordy: "Because I'm dead?" Skip: "Not yet. But you will be - very soon - unless - you - come with me." Cordy looks over towards Wes sitting on the chair beside her bed. Cordy: "Well, I'll follow you on-on one condition. You have to tell my friends about this vision that I had." Skip: "Sorry. No can do. I'm not a messenger. I'm just a guide." Skip holds out his hand to Cordy. Cordy looks at it: "I don't wanna die." Skip: "So don't." Cordy slowly puts her hand into Skips. There is a blue flash of light. We see a stack of CAT scan prints lying on Wes' desk. Fred: "That's from eight months ago. The red spots are what they call hot areas or what you'd expect from a healthy, functioning brain. This one is dated one month ago." Gunn: "Cordy's doctors couldn't explain it." Fred moves the print, revealing one that's mostly green and yellow underneath. Fred: "See - green is a cold color, usually signifying dead areas of the cerebrum. Normally you wouldn't see a scan like that..." Gunn: "Unless the person was a cucumber." Angel: "How could we not know?" Lorne comes in moaning: "Oh, for the love of god, somebody get me a sea-breeze." Lorne's clothes are torn and his left horn is dangling by a thread. Fred: "Lorne! What happened?" Lorne: "I can't really talk about it." Gunn: "Then how the hell are we supposed to find them so we can kick their asses?" Lorne: "Ah, no. I mean I *can't* talk about it. They cast a spell. I went down to the lo...(his speech turns to incoherent mumbling) See?" Angel: "Did you get the information?" Lorne: "Oh, why yes, Angel. My horn should grow back in a couple of days. So kind of you to be concerned. - Well, they didn't say I couldn't write it." Lorne holds out a piece of paper. Angel takes it, grabs his coat and heads for the door. Lorne: "Angel, all kidding aside, this isn't something to be taken lightly. Only a champion can deal with the conduit. And even then you have to la-argh arr..." Angel: "I'll keep that in mind." Angel leaves and Lorne shakes himself. Cordy looks around as a flash of white light resolves itself into a deserted open room. Cordy: "Is this... This is a mall." Skip: "We just figured you'd be more comfortable here." Cordy: "We?" Skip: "The Powers That Be." Cordy: "The Powers That Be popped me out of my body and sent me to a mall?' Skip: "Actually, this is more a construct of a mall. You know, like in the Matrix." Cordy: "You've seen the Matrix." Skip: "Oh, I love that flick. When Trinity is all 'dodge this' and the agent just crumples to the (Cordy sighs) and I'm not really instilling any *awe* anymore, am I?" Cordy: "Why did you bring me here?" Skip: "To give you a choice. But, we'll get to that later. Right now there is something I want you to see." Skip touches an info-TV-screen and motions here over as a picture of Doyle appears on it. Cordy: "Oh my god. - Doyle." The screen shows the kiss that transferred the visions for Doyle to Cordelia. Skip: "This is where it happened, big cosmic whoops. - Doyle was never meant to give you those visions." Cordy: "The why did the Powers let him?" Skip: "Well, they're usually pretty good at catching that sort of thing. What they didn't count on where his feelings for you." Cordy: "You mean - Doyle gave me the visions because - he loved me?" Skip: "I can't answer that. What I *can* tell you is that it was a mistake." Cordy turns away: "But I thought the Powers That Be knew everything." Skip: "Life and death, that sort of thing, they got a handle on. Who someone chooses to love, well, that's just good old free will. See Cordelia, the visions are an ancient, powerful force. Demons are the only ones who can withstand them." Cordy: "But I've had them for more than two years now. Doesn't that mean I'm strong?" Skip: "Strong, yes. Demon, no. Just ask Tammy here." Cordy: "Tammy where?" Skip steps aside to reveal a girl dressed like a peasant. Tammy (in Cockney accent): "Hello, miss?" Cordy spins to face her. Skip: "This is Tammy. She had the visions back in - sixteen thirty?" Tammy: "Aye. Had 'em well neigh on a year, and a hellish year it was, too. Town fathers called me a witch, wanted to burn me at the stake." Cordy: "They killed you because you had visions?" Tammy: "No, miss. They didn't have to. (Turns so her back is facing Cordy) Last vision I had blew out the back of me skull. (Tammy turns back around and we see the hole in the back of her head) We wasn't mean to have the visions, us humans. Look, you want my advice, you listen to our man Skip here. He won't steer you wrong, this one." Skip smiles: "Aw, get out of here. (Turns serious) Really. Get out. I've got work." Tammy leaves. Skip to Cordy: "You okay?" Dissolve to a white light and whisperings that resolves into chamber. Its walls are hidden in the shadows. The only thing in it is a square cube of stone with a fire burning on top. We hear a scream and Angel drops into frame to land face down on the floor beside the cube. Angel: "Thanks Lorne." Voices: "It is come. The champion is come. (Angel picks himself up and looks around) Come for what? Answers not to be had. Death is certain. Death awaits." Angel: "I wanna talk to the conduit." Voices: "We are the conduit. We are the gateway, the all the time, the ever. It wishes to speak to us." Angel: "Yes, it does. Are you gonna show yourselves?" Voices: "We are unseen. Formless. It speaks unknowing. Send it away." Angel: "I'm not going anywhere until I get my message to the Powers That Be. My friend - Cordelia - has visions given to her by the Powers. They're killing her. I want the Powers to take them back. - Let her go. She's suffered enough!" Suddenly Angel flies across the room to smash into one of the walls. Voices: "Suffering? Does it know suffering?" Angel flies across the room to smash into the opposite wall then drops to the floor. Voices: "Yes it does. - The Powers owe nothing. Send it away. Send it away." Angel picks himself back up: "I'm not finished." Skip: "You ever have the vague sensation that maybe you left the oven on? Or that you're supposed to call someone back, you just forgot who it was? More to the point, have you ever felt that way about your acting career?" Cordy: "I don't have an acting career." Skip: "Which sort of brings me to my next point." Skip points to a stack of TV screens and they come to life, showing scenes of a Hollywood party. Cordy: "Hey! I remember that night." Skip: "You'd been in LA for a few months, things had been kind of lean, and who should you run into?" Angel appears on the screen, making his way through the party goers. Cordy watches with a slight smile on her face as she and Angel meet at the party from "City of..." Skip: "Your entire life changed that night. In ways you couldn't imagine. Indescribably painful ways, I think you'll agree. Now, what if the play ran a little different? (The picture on the screen rewinds) You're on the sideline over here, (Skip points and a white x appears on the lower right corner of the screen) talking to a couple wanna-be moguls. Angel is down field here. (A circle appears around Angel's head in the back of the screen) Instead of cutting through the middle to meet Angel, (two white intersecting lines appear on the screen) what if you'd been forced to counter? What if *this* guy, (a circle appears around another man in the crowd) who happens to be a very powerful talent agent, flanks you (A white line connects the circled agent to the X denoting Cordy's position) and drew you off side? (A white line leads from the X in the right lower corner of the screen over to the left corner and another X) What would happen then?" Cordy: "I'd, ah, score a touchdown?" Skip: "Metaphorically speaking, heck, yeah! Inside every living thing there is a connection to the Powers That Be. Call it instinct, intuition. Deep down we all know our purpose in this world." Cordy: "Are you saying that - I was meant to be an actress?" Skip: "No. I'm saying you were meant to be an incredibly famous and wealthy actress. And the Powers That Be can make that happen." Cordy: "They can do that? They can turn back time?" Skip: "They don't go for that - much. Think of it as 'writing over history.' From this moment on you could live the life you always wanted. No monsters, no visions, no dying. Well, not for a long time, anyway." Cordy: "But no Angel." Skip: "Cordelia, I want you to listen to me. If you go back inside your body, you *won't* wake up. You will lie there, unable to move, unable to speak - until the next vision hits you and then you will die." Cordy: "But that's not fair. How's Angel gonna know to save that girl if I don't tell him where she is? He needs me." Skip after a beat: "Let's go in here." Skip takes a hold of Cordy's hand and pulls her through one of the walls of the mall - into the space where Angel is arguing with the Conduit. Voices: "Its pleas are pointless. Her path is chosen. We will not interfere." Angel: "The visions are too much. She's not strong enough to handle them." Voices: "Obstinate. It speaks and does not listen." Angel spins around, yelling: "No, you're not listening! Cordelia is not a champion. She is a rich girl from Sunnydale who likes to play superhero. She doesn't have what it takes to do this! Don't the Powers get that? Stop whispering and listen to me, damn it! She's weak." Cordy: "Skip. Get me out of here. Now!" Skip and Cordy melt away. Angel: "You're killing her. She's unconscious, and she's alone. Who knows if she's in pain?" Voices: "It is angry. It is afraid." Angel after a beat: "I'm more afraid of her dying than she is. - What is that?" Skip and Cordy are back at the mall. Skip: "Cordelia - are you sure?" Cordy: "You gave me a choice, so I'm choosing." Skip: "Okay, kid. Here goes. I'm gonna make you a star." Cordy closes her eyes. Announcers voice: "And now, ladies and gentlemen, the two time Emmy award winning star of our show, the gal with the million dollar smile: Cordelia Chase!" The mall has changed into the set of a sit-com around Cordy. She is caught in a spotlight and opens her eyes to wild applause form the audience and crew. She is now wearing a tight, blue, sparkly dress and smiles brilliantly at her fans. Break [SCENE_BREAK] We get to see the opening credits of her show, titled Cordy! (The opening credits include: Cordelia Chase, Gregory Dunne, Elliott Sims, and Carol Wright Created by Phlegmont and Mendoza) Cordelia: "2,3,4" Singers: "Yes, you can hear it in her laughter. - Ooh, you can see it in her smile. - Yeah, you'll be hanging from the rafters. - Ooh, you better stay awhile. - Ooh, better stay awhile. - - Yes, the whole world is full of laughter. - Ooh, you got my heart a little wired. - Yeah, you'll be hanging from the rafters. - Ooh, better stay awhile. - Ooh, you better stay awhile. - Ooh, better stay awhile..." (Note: The theme song was sung by Marti Noxon and David Greenwalt. Words and music by David Greenwalt.) Audience claps wildly. We see Cordy walk down a corridor from the stage, dressed in a dark outfit now, wearing her hair different. Man off screen: "Great show, Cordy!" Cordy: "Thanks, you too." Cordy's assistant falls in beside her, holding a PDA. Nev: "Okay. There are stars and there are stars, and then there is you!" Cordy: "God, that is sweet, Nev. Am I paying you enough?" Nev: "Well, as a matter of fact..." Cordy: "Good. What's cooking?" Nev: "Okay. You got a costume fitting. The Producers want to run some ideas past you for next weeks show." Cordy walks up to some fans lying in wait backstage, and begins to sign some of the autograph books held out to her. Cordy: "Hi, how are you? What's your name?" Nev: "We want to record that breast cancer PSA, but tomorrow is pretty booked. Maybe next week." Cordy still signing: "No, make it tomorrow. I wanna get it on the air. (Turns to Nev with a sigh) Nev, you ever get that nagging feeling that you're supposed to be somewhere, doing something, but you can't remember what?" Nev: "No. I'm highly organized. That's why you pay me - pretty well. But with the holidays coming I really..." Cordy hands the autograph and pen back to one of the fans. Cordy: "I have to go, I'm sorry. I have to go." Starts to walk on. Nev dogs her, pulling out his phone. Cordy: "I want something. Hypo-something. Hypothermia?" Nev to phone: "Josh, lets get a large tub of ice water to Miss Chase's dressing room, pronto." Cordy to herself: "No, that's not it." Nev: "Canceling ice water." Cordy: "Hyper... hyperbaric?" Nev: "Josh, make it an oxygen tent." Cordy to herself: "No, that's not it either." Nev: "Canceling tent." Cordy spins to face Nev: "Hyperion! That's it!" Nev: "The hotel." Cordy: "Yes. I wanna go there." Nev: "Terrific. When would you like me to... (Cordy is already walking on) Now? Now you would like to... (Cordy snaps her fingers in the air without looking back at Nev) Without security? Without an entourage of me? Right. I'll give them a call. (To phone) Josh, car, side door, now." Cordy enters the Hyperion. A string of lights are decorating the plants framing the entrance. Jazzy music is playing. People are scattered around the lobby. A bellboy pushes a baggage cart towards the elevators. Lights are decorating all the plants around the lobby. Cordy walks up to the concierge writing something in the book lying open on the reception counter. Cordy: "Hi. Excuse me." Concierge: "Ah, yes, how can we help... (Looks up) Oh, Miss Chase. How can you help me? Ah, how can I help with... (Gives a little laugh) How can we help you?" Cordy: "I believe my assistant made a reservation." Concierge checks the book: "Ah. The, ah, luxury suite. I will take you right up to my room. *Your* room, I meant. - Welcome to the Hyperion." Cordy is following the concierge down a corridor of the Hyperion. Concierge: "And here we are, Ms. Chase. (Pulls out a key and starts to unlock a door) The luxury suite." Cordy slowly walks past him looking around. Cordy: "No. (Points at a door) This one. (Closes her eyes for a moment) I want this one." Concierge: "That's ah - that's a *standard* Miss Chase. It's hardly fitting for someone of your..." Cordy: "Open it?" Concierge: "Yes, certainly." Cordy slowly enters the suite she picked and looks around it. The standard warm décor of the hotel room is intercut with flashes of the same suite, but the way it looked when Angel was using it, including Connor's crib. Cordy slowly walks over to the bed as the concierge watches her from just inside the door. Cordy: "This wallpaper..." Concierge: "Ah, yes. Designed by renowned artist Jacques Latour. Part of the remodeling we... (Cordy starts to rip some of it off the wall) Ha, ha... - Mmm, I hate that wallpaper. That's bad, bad wallpaper." Cordy has ripped enough paper off the wall to reveal the address she wrote on it while 'borrowing' Angel's body. Cordy: "One seven one Oak. (Turns to the Concierge) Where is that?" Concierge: "Ah..." Cordy rings the doorbell of house 171. A teenage girl answers the door. Cordy: "Oh, hi. I'm - I'm really sorry to bother you..." Cynthia: "Oh, my god. You're - Cordelia Chase. (Cordy smiles and nods) You're - Cordy!" Cordy: "Yeah, hi. Listen, I know you don't know me, but would you mind if I..." Cynthia: "Oh! Please, come in." Cordy: "Oh, thanks." Cordy walks in, and the girl closes the door behind her. Cynthia: "I'm Cynthia. Cynthia York. And - I love your show. Like, *love* love. You're just - you're my idol, Cordy. I wanna be just like you, and have my own design firm and... (Frowns) Wait a second. What are you doing in Reseda?" Cordy laughs: "Yeah, uhm, hmm. Good question. Uhm, this is - gonna sound a little bizarre, but, uhm, is everything okay here? Nothing - bad - happened, has it?" Cynthia half shrugs: "My dad left us a couple months ago." Cordy reaches out to touch the girls shoulder: "Oh. Honey, I'm sorry. Is your mom here?" Cynthia shakes her head: "She's up in Ojai visiting friends." Cordy: "Oh. - Well, ah... - That's, ah... Well, okay, then, ahem..." Cordy turns to the door to leave. Cynthia: "Hey! You wanna see something cool?" Cordy turns back: "Sure." Cynthia takes Cordy's hand and leads her over to a pentagram drawn on the floor on the other side of the couch. Cynthia: "It's a retrieval spell. I'm gonna make my dad come back and live with us again. - I'm pretty sure I did everything right. Even though I - spilled some diet coke on the book I was using and had to improvise a little. Pretty cool pentagram, huh?" Cordy: "Cynthia? I think we should get out of here before..." A blue light flashes and suddenly there is a big demon standing in the middle of the pentagram. Cordy: "...that happens." Break Cordy pushes Cynthia towards the door. Cordy: "Get our of here, Cynthia. Go!" Cordy picks up a table lamp and smashes it over the monster's head, then turns to run. The monster trips her, then grabs a hold of her ankle. Cordy grabs a hold of a book (?) lying on the coffee table and rams it in the monster face, making it fall back. The door behind her opens and Cordy turns to stare up as Gunn and Wes enter. Wes is carrying a drawn sword in his right hand. His left sleeve is pinned up, empty, against the side of his jacket. Wes to Gunn: "Get the girl." Gunn to Cynthia: "Lets go! Outside." Gunn pulls Cynthia towards the door as Wes runs the demon through with his sword. Cordy: "Wesley, what are you doing here and - what - happened to your other arm?" Wes pushes her aside: "Look out." The monster comes at Wes again and he fends it off with his sword. Gunn comes in and tries to beat the monster with his baseball bat. After a brief struggle they manage to down the monster, and Wes skewers it with his sword. Cordy: "So, you - like - kill things now? Cause last time I saw you, you just kind of fainted in front of them." Wes: "Cordelia, why on earth are you here?" Cordy: "I know, I know. Reseda. It's practically the ninth circle of hell." Wes: "Not Reseda. Here in this house. Is that girl a friend of yours?" Cordy: "Oh, look, I know we haven't seen each other in a while, Wesley, and... (Laughs a little) But there is something *weird* going on with me. Like (whispering) Sunnydale weird." Cynthia: "Oh, my god. (Looking at the dead monster) My mom is gonna freak." Gunn is sticking the appendage of the monster hanging over the gate of his truck under the tarp spread over the bed of it. Cordy and Wes are walking down the walkway from the house to the truck. Cordy: "...and underneath the wallpaper was an address. This address. So, for absolutely no sane person reason I can think of, I come out here and whammo! Slimy monster fun time. What's up with that?" Wes throws his sword in the back of the truck and turns to face her. Wes: "I'm not sure. I'd have to consult my books." Cordy smiles at him: "Some things never change." Gunn clears his throat behind them. Wes: "Oh, sorry. This is my partner, Charles Gunn." Gunn: "Man, Wes told me he knew you, but I-I didn't believe him." Cordy: "Yeah, we go way back. (Gives a laugh) Back to, uhm, when - you had two arms, which, by the way..." Wes: "Ah, Kungai demon a couple of years ago." Gunn: "Hey, is it true that you and Wes were... You know, that you had a little..." Cordy: "...humiliating kiss where he drooled all over my chin? (Gunn looks from Wes to Cordy) Yeah. But I worked *really* hard to repress it." Wes: "Right. Well, as much as I'm enjoying this forced death march down memory lane..." Wes goes over to the passenger side of the truck and opens the door. Gunn: "Hey, what is it with you Sunnydale folks and repression? I mean, you three are the most denying it folks I've ever met." Cordy: "Three? Who else is here in LA?" We get flashes of Gunn's truck driving down the road and different shots of the city at night. Wes walks into his apartment, followed by Cordy and Gunn. Wes: "Cordelia, I want you to think about this. Angel's not the person you knew. He came to Los Angeles in pain, vulnerable - and when Doyle, his only friend died he - he retreated into himself." Gunn: "Him getting the visions didn't help either." Cordy: "So, let me get this straight. Angel gets the visions of people who are gonna die, and he tells you, and you go out and slay, and - this is how you make your living? This - got to be the suckiest job in the world." Gunn: "It pays the bills - occasionally." Wes walks over to a door: "Don't be shocked by his condition. (Takes a key from a hook beside it) The visions have taken a toll - and the isolation. Sometimes he sends us out to save people he killed two hundred years ago. (Cordy looks from Wes to Gunn, then looks down) So, why don't we just tell him you stopped by and said hi?" Cordy: "Wesley. I've gotta see him." Wes opens to the door to a room empty except for some shackles dangling from the ceiling and a mattress lying cockeyed in the middle of the floor. Angel, bare footed, is sitting on the edge of the mattress, his arms wrapped tightly around his knees. As the door opens he gasps, then curls up even tighter. Cordy looks at the shackles. Wes: "Restraints. Sometimes the visions make him violent." Angel scrambles to his feet, arms wrapped tightly around himself and begins to ramble. Angel: "One seven one Oak drive, do you hear me? I feel better now. I can be alone here. I won't run away..." Cordy: "Oh my god." Wes: "This is one of his good days." Angel: "No, I - I won't. I won't do that. I won't do... I didn't mean... I didn't mean... Only if it's dead. It's me. (Drops back down on the corner of the mattress) It was my fault. It was me. I'm okay. I didn't mean... I didn't mean..." Cordy takes a step closer, but Wes takes hold of her arm. Wes: "Don't get too close." Angel covers his head:"Ah! I won't run away." Cordy walks towards him: "Angel. - Do you remember me? (Squats down beside him) Cordelia?" Angel looks up and scrambles away from her on all fours. Angel: "No. I'm afraid." Angel goes to cower in a corner of the room. Angel: "I'm afraid. I'm afraid." Cordy slowly walks over to him: "Shh. Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you." Angel: "I'm fine. Fine. One seven one. One seven one. You'll see. You'll see, one seven one. My head doesn't hurt. (Bangs his head back against the wall) My head doesn't hurt. Now I'm warm. My head doesn't hurt." Cordy: "You don't remember me, do you?" Angel: "I was there. I wanted to die. But - but I was - was afraid to die. So afraid to die. One seven one." Angel repeats the number over and over as he keeps writing it with his finger on the wall beside him. Cordy: "Shh, Angel, it's okay. Everything is gonna be okay." Angel: "It was my fault. I was there. I couldn't do anything. There was nothing I could do." Cordy: "Everything is gonna be okay." Cordy leans in and softly kisses Angel on the mouth. Wes and Gunn watch in slow motion. There is a whoosing sound and a blue light passes from Angel's lips to Cordy. Cordy sits back on her heels and turns to look at Wes and Gunn, then stands up. Cordy: "I remember everything. The visions (Walks over to where Skip is suddenly standing in the room) they're mine." Skip: "We made a deal. You gave up the visions, not to mention the certain death that goes with them, and you get to live out your dream. Call me crazy, but I thought that was a pretty fair trade." Cordy: "Sure it's fair. But it wasn't me." Skip: "We've been over this. I respect what you're trying to do. It's noble and heroic, and all that other Russle Crowe 'Gladiator' crap." Cordy: "You've seen..." Skip: "Didn't love it. The fact remains that humans are not strong enough to harbor the visions! Period. Even the Powers That Be can't change that." Cordy steps closer: "Then find a loop hole, Skip. I know my purpose in this world and it includes the visions. And if the Powers That Be aren't complete dumb-asses, they know it, too." Skip: "There maybe a - tiny - loophole." Cordy: "I'll take it." Skip: "You may wanna think about that. The only way *you* get to keep the visions is by becoming - part demon. (Cordy looks down) The process isn't easy. It'll make your vision pain feel like a stroll through candyland. And even after the pain subsides the effects of the transition will be numerous and unpredictable. You may never be able to lead a human life again." Cordy looks over at Angel (who appears to be frozen in time), then back at Skip. Cordy: "So - demonize me already." Skip after a beat: "It was an honor being your guide, Cordelia Chase." Cordy gives him slight smile. Skip raises his hand, a blue light illuminates the room and Cordy arcs back, screaming in pain. On the bed in Angel's room Cordy arcs back, screaming in pain. Angel rushes to her side as the rest of the gang come running. Fred: "What's happening to her?" Cordy sits up on the bed, gasping, and opens her eyes. Angel catches her in a hug. Angel: "I thought I'd lost you." Cordy: "Angel." Cordy gasps, pulls back and grabs a hold of her head. Cordy: "No horns." Checks her backside. Smiles up at Angel: "No tail." Angel looks at the others, but no one volunteers an opinion. Cordy: "Whew! Just checking." Cordy scrambles up out of bed and stretches, while Angel takes a suspicious look under the pillow before slowly trailing after her. Cordy: "It feels *so* good to be solid again." Angel joins the rest of the gang and they all pivot to keep watching Cordy. Wes: "Cordelia, what is the last thing you remember?" Cordy: "When? I've been so... Oh. You mean the vision downstairs. No, I had a vision, but it's been taken care off. There was this actress, and an one-armed guy. (Everyone watches her silently) It's a long story. But right now, we have to solve my vision." Lorne: "The one you just said was taken care of?" Cordy: "No. The one I'm having right now. There is a young man in a park in Glendale. Uh, somewhere near a pond. There is a demon waiting for him. He's red with four, no make that five horns." Angel looks at the others then back at Cordy. Angel: "Uh, Cordy?" The camera pulls back and we can see that Cordy is floating about a foot off the ground. Cordy: "What?"

Plan: A: Cordy; Q: Whose birthday is it? A: her body; Q: What does Cordy get knocked out of? A: Team Angel; Q: What is the name of the team? A: Angel; Q: Who does Cordy choose? A: an astral plane; Q: What plane is Cordy stuck in? A: a deal; Q: What does the guide offer Cordy? Summary: It's Cordy's birthday and a particularly intense vision knocks her out of her body. As Team Angel tries to help her, Cordy is stuck in an astral plane unable to communicate. When a guide shows up and offers Cordy a deal, she has to choose between getting everything she thought she wanted and her life with Angel.

[Salvatore's cellar.] DAMON: Where is my ring? STEFAN: Won't be needing it anymore. DAMON: How long have I been here? STEFAN: Three days. DAMON: What are you doing? STEFAN: During the dark ages when a vampire's actions threatened to expose or bring harm upon the entire race, they would face judgment. They sought to reeducate them rather than to punish them. DAMON: You know what will happen if i don't... Feed on blood. STEFAN: You'll grow weaker and weaker. Eventually you won't be able to move or speak. In a week your skin will desiccate, and you'll mummify. A living corpse. Unable to hurt anyone. Ever. DAMON: So what, you're just going to leave me in the basement, forever? STEFAN: I've injected you with enough vervain to keep you weak. Once your circulation stops, I'll move you to the family crypt, and then in 50 years, we can reevaluate. DAMON: I'm stronger than you think. STEFAN: You always have been. But you're not stronger than the vervain. And we both know it. I'm sorry. Didn't have to be this way. [Elena's house.] Elena is waking up and going to the bathroom. She meets Vicki. VICKI: I--i'm sorry, i'm almost done. ELENA: It's--it's ok. Take your time. VICKI: I think you might be in trouble. JEREMY: What did you do? VICKI: Oh, she saw me. JEREMY: I'm a drug-using delinquent. A girl in bed doesn't really rank. ELENA: Jenna! Are you aware of what's going on upstairs? JENNA: Uh-huh. ELENA: And you have no objection? JENNA: He could be craftier about it, at least make an effort to sneak her in and out. Oh, and just so you know, I won't be home for dinner. ELENA: Oh, so you're actually going to do it. You're gonna go out with Logan. JENNA: I'm going to show up and torture him, yes. And have you heard from Stefan? ELENA: Not since that very vague message three days ago. "Hi, um, Elena, I, um, have something I have to do. I'll, uh, explain in a few days." JENNA: Haven't you called him? ELENA: Nope. Not going to, either. JENNA: And you're ok with everything? ELENA: No, I'm not ok with any of it. But I'm not gonna cry about it, either. You know, I was going to write in my diary this morning and then I thought, what am I going to write? Honestly, i'm not gonna be onee of those pathetic girls whose world stops spinning because of some guy. JENNA: Ok, then. ELENA: I'll be fine. [Salvatore's house.] STEFAN: He's awake. He's aweak, but it's probably best to stay out of the basement. He's Damon. I'm not sure how dangerous he still might be. ZACH: You're going to school? STEFAN: Came here to live a life. It's about time i get back to that. And Elena, if she's still speaking to me. ZACH: Why haven't you called her? STEFAN: Am suppose to do, feed her another lie? I hate lying to her, Zach. I'm not good at it. She already thinks I'm hiding something. ZACH: What choice do you have? You came here because you wanted to live as normal a life as you could. You knew this was going to be a part of it. [Caroline's bedroom. ] CAROLINE: I remember the party. Damon came up behind me, and he was kissing my neck, or biting my neck. I passed out. It's like there's holes in my memory lately. It's just weird. Maybe I let him bite me. BONNIE: Why would you do that? CAROLINE: Can we just not talk about it, ok? Don't want to talk about Damon. I don't want to talk about any of it. Just want to go back to normal. What are you doing with that candle? BONNIE: Um... Nothing. What's this? CAROLINE: Damon gave it to me. Or he was going to give it to me. All i know is, it's mine now. BONNIE: It's ugly. CAROLINE: Well, get your hands off it. [At school.] CAROLINE: The sexy suds car wash is tomorrow. The football team and the band have committed. Well, not all the band. Just the ones who could pull off the bikini. I want, in your face, sexy. I mean, it's a fund raiser, for god's sake. ELENA: Unbelievable. It's like nothing happened. BONNIE: Lies and denial. STEFAN: Hey. BONNIE: Hey. You know, I gotta go. Be somewhere right now. STEFAN: I'm so sorry I haven't called. ELENA: No worries. I'll live. STEFAN: I was dealing with Damon. ELENA: And did you... deal with Damon? STEFAN: Yes. Yeah. ELENA: For four days? STEFAN: You have every right to be upset with me. But can I explain it all to you? Please. ELENA: Sure. When? STEFAN: I gotta be home after school, but The Grill, on four o'clock? ELENA: Ok. STEFAN: Thanks. CAROLINE: Stefan, where is Damon? He has some serious apologizing to do. STEFAN: He's gone, Caroline. CAROLINE: When is he coming back? STEFAN: He's not coming back. I'm sorry. ELENA: This is a good thing, Caroline. CAROLINE: I know that. [At Mystic Grill.] ELENA: Hey, Matt, um, have you seen Stefan? MATT: Nope. If you want to kill some time, um, you can rack. Come on. We haven't played in forever. I'll let you brick. [Salvatore's house. Zach is going to the cellar.] ZACH: I'm full of vervain. I've been putting it in my coffee for 16 years. My blood will only make you worse. Damon? DAMON: So it was your vervain. Good for you. Good for you. Family only runs so deep. ZACH: We're not family, Damon. Only in the most dysfunctional sense. In fact, I avoided having a living, breathing, loving family because of you. DAMON: I don't guess I could talk you into bringing me a rabbit or something? I'd settle for Stefan's diet at this point. ZACH: You know i can't do that. DAMON: You succeeded, Zach. I'm shutting down. You're like your grandfather. He didn't like it when I came to visit, either. ZACH: But you don't visit, Damon. You appear, unannounced, reminding me that this isn't my house; that you're just permitting me to live here. Hell, that you're permitting me to live. DAMON: Someone had to mow the lawn. ZACH: I came to say good-bye, Damon. DAMON: Unlock it. Unlock the door, Zach. STEFAN: Keep it up, Damon. The more energy you expend, the faster you'll go. [At Mystic Grill.] ELENA: And there's Vicki, all nonchalant in the bathroom like it's no big deal that they're hooking up. MATT: Yeah, I'm not gonna lie. Your brother and my sister, that's weird. ELENA: Yeah. MATT: How late is he? ELENA: Hitting the hour mark. Hope there's nothing wrong. Which means I'm not talking boy problems with you. MATT: Good. I mean, it's not like we were ever best friends or anything. ELENA: Ok. Here goes-- What do you think of Stefan? Is he a good guy? MATT: Why? what's he done? ELENA: Not any one thing. He's just so secretive all the time. I think there's something that he doesn't want me to know, which makes me want to know all the more. MATT: Like what? like that he's a serial killer and he keeps a clown suit in his trunk? ELENA: No, of course not. But what do we know about him, really? MATT: He's great at football. A little bit of a loner. And as much as I hate saying it, he might be a nice guy. ELENA: So you think I'm just being paranoid? MATT: I think you should talk to him. STEFAN: talk to who? I'm so sorry that I'm late. ELENA: What happened? STEFAN: I got held up. ELENA: Is everything ok? STEFAN: There was this thing with my uncle. ELENA: And you couldn't call and tell me that you were going to be an hour late? MATT: Ok. You two have fun. STEFAN: I'm really sorry. It was unavoidable. ELENA: What was unavoidable? Ok. STEFAN: Oh, uh, Elena, please... ELENA: No, Stefan, don't you get it? Every question gets a vague non-answer. What is so awful that you're afraid to tell me? OLD MAN: I know you. My god. STEFAN: I'm sorry? OLD MAN: I know you. How can it be? STEFAN: I think you have the wrong person, sir. OLD MAN: You haven't aged a day. STEFAN: I'm sorry. excuse me. Hey, can we-- can i take you home and we can talk about it? Is that ok? ELENA: Wait, what was that? STEFAN: I--i don't know. uh, nothing. ELENA: Right, nothing. Ok, um... I gotta go, Stefan. Excuse me. [Elena's bedroom.] ELENA: I tried. I want so much to make things right, but every instinct in my body is telling me to be careful. What you don't know can hurt you. [At Mystic Grill.] LOGAN: Evening, Sheriff. Anything? SHERIFF FORBES: We went over the entire west side of the lake. All the caverns by the falls were clean, no signs of habitat. LOGAN: Well, they're staying in town. SHERIFF FORBES: We canvassed all abandoned buildings and warehouses. LOGAN: There has to be a private residence. SHERIFF FORBES: And that much harder to locate, if not impossible. These creatures are smart. they know how to go undetected. LOGAN: Well, someone who only comes out at night should eventually become obvious. SHERIFF FORBES: What about the watch? LOGAN: I'm working on it. SHERIFF FORBES: I knew the Gilberts. That watch is passed down to the men in the family. I'd start with Jeremy. JENNA: Hey, Logan. LOGAN: I can't believe you really came. JENNA: You have an hour. LOGAN: Make it count. [Elena's house.] JEREMY: You ok? ELENA: Is Vicki in there? JEREMY: Don't answer a question with another question. Maybe. What's wrong with you? ELENA: I'm miserable. JEREMY: Well, you should go get something to eat. ELENA: Jenna? Jenna? Stefan? What are you doing here? STEFAN: Dinner. Jeremy told me that chicken parmesan is one of your favorites, and I happen to be a good cook. The italian roots demand it. I can even make my own homemade mozzarella. Only tonight, it is unfortunately storboht. Sorry. ELENA: I don't know what you're trying to accomplish. STEFAN: You want to know me, right? Well, I figure if you're going to dump me, you should at least, um, know who you're dumping. So let's start with Katherine. ELENA: Stefan... STEFAN: She was... the most beautiful girl that I had ever met. She had this perfect olive skin. And she had this laugh. It was ridiculous. I mean, her laugh made you laugh. And she was fun. She knew how to have a good time. But Katherine was also very impatient and entitled and selfish, and, um, and impulsive. Enter Damon. He claims that he was with her first. I don't know. I do know that I did some things that...i'm not proud of. And my biggest regret... Is not being able to make it right before she died. I miss her, but... I'm no longer crippled by her loss. VICKI: It was very nice what you did for Stefan. Very romantic. JEREMY: Well, I was feeling romantic. VICKI: Look what i found. "Elena Gilbert, take one tablet every 4 to 6 hours, as needed for pain." JEREMY: Those are left over from the car accident. VICKI: So she won't miss them. JEREMY: No not with that, that's an antique. I feel like we're always getting high. VICKI: That's the beauty of choice. JEREMY: Well, then let's choose not to. I mean, we don't have to be high all the time, right? VICKI: I really hope you're not one of those guys who, now that we're together, tries to change everything about me. JEREMY: No. VICKI: Good. STEFAN: I'm an avid reader, a huge fitzgerald fan, "The great gatsby", his masterpiece.But I'm no snob. I love some good Grisham. I think Seinfeld is the best american television show for the past 50 years, but i love Lucy is all-time. "The loving cup" episode was the best, I think. Huge Scorsese fan. I can watch Taxi Driver over and over again. ELENA: Here, let me. STEFAN: As far as music, it's pretty much across the board. Um, Dylan, Hendrix, Patsy, Willie. Oh, Kanye. You know what, i even like that one miley song. Easy. ELENA: I didn't say anything. Hey, this is for the garlic bread, right? Because I'm not eating garlic unless you agree to, too. STEFAN: Are you kidding? I love garlic. Elena is cut with the knife. ELENA: Ow! ahh. STEFAN: You ok? um... ELENA: Yeah. Think so. Your face... STEFAN: I--i, uh, I think i got something in my eye. ELENA: Stefan. Hey. Stefan! Um, I think that my paranoia has turned into full-blown hallucinations. STEFAN: Part of your charm. [Caroline's bedroom. Caroline is calling someone.] DAMON: Caroline. Caroline. CAROLINE: No, Tiki, do not do the one-piece, ok? I've seen it on you. trust me. Yeah, but you're going for stripper pole vibe this year. DAMON: Caroline. CAROLINE: Yeah, maybe we should wash the cars in slow motion. No. DAMON: Caroline. CAROLINE: What? oh, um, no, sorry. Um, so i'll just see you tomorrow. Two-piece. Ok, bye. A crow is at her window. CAROLINE: Shoo, shoo! Shoo! God! [Salvatore's cellar.] DAMON: I bet you're feeling pretty good about yourself, aren't you? STEFAN: Not particularly. DAMON: You won. You got the bad guy. Now nothing could come between you and Elena. Except the truth. The lies will catch up to you, Stefan. As long as you keep lying to yourself about what you are. STEFAN: The beauty of you in there and me out here... Is that i can walk away. [At the sexy suds carwash.] CAROLINE: No friend discounts. No freebies. No pay ya laters. We are not running a charity here. No, we are not. STEFAN: Hi. ELENA: Hey! CAROLINE: The event is called sexy suds, you know. STEFAN: Did we just get scolded? ELENA: And judged, yeah. STEFAN: Wow. ELENA: I'm sorry, but i guess you're going to have to take that off. STEFAN: I think you have to go first. ELENA: Ok. Ok, um--sorry, So not sexy. Ugh. STEFAN: I disagree. BONNIE: uh-uh, no. None of that tortured pining stuff. MATT: I'm just observing. BONNIE: Mm-hmm. Oh. Tiki. this one's yours. TIKI: Why do i always get the homely os? Just to be clear, your car's a p.o.s. I mean, we can wash it, but it's still a p.o.s. BONNIE: You don't have to be rude. TIKI: Rude is uglying up the road with that junk. Bonnie uses her powers to water Ticki. TIKI: Whoa! What the hell ? MATT: Wet and wild, Tik. LOGAN: All proceeds are going to the school's athletic department still healing from the tragic death of their football coach William Tanner. The citizens of Mystic Falls coming together in support of one of their own. Cut it. JENNA: Classy. LOGAN: Thank you. JENNA: But you're still going to video the girls in bikinis, right? LOGAN: We, 53% of americans watch the news with the sound off. JENNA: Thank you for dinner. I had a nice time. LOGAN: Do you remember the last time we were in the school parking lot? JENNA: Nope. Doesn't ring a bell. LOGAN: Really? JENNA: Nada. Especially not having s*x in the minivan. LOGAN: That was a good day. What? ELENA: You're getting soap in that. STEFAN: Oh, it's fine. ELENA: I noticed at Damon has one, too. Is there a story behind it? STEFAN: Yeah, it's the family crest from the italian renaissance. ELENA: Hmm. What's the stone? STEFAN: It's called lapus lazuli. ELENA: Oh. You should really take it off. I could put it in my bag. STEFAN: No, it's-- it's fine, really. Thanks, though. ELENA: Ok. I'm gonna get some towels. STEFAN: Ok. ELENA: Hey, we're out of towels and those shimmy things. CAROLINE: I'll go get some more. Mind the money. DAMON: Caroline. Caroline, help me. Caroline. Help me. Help me. ELENA: That'll be $20. I saw you last night. You were talking to a friend of mine, At the grill? OLD MAN: Well, i--i thought it was somebody i knew. ELENA: Stefan Salvatore. OLD MAN: Nah, it can't be. It's just my mind ELENA: Playing tricks on me. Where do you think you'd seen him before? OLD MAN: When i first moved here, I stayed at the Salvatore boarding house. ELENA: Oh. OLD MAN: Stefan was just passing through to visit his uncle. I mean, none of us knew he was even here until the attack. ELENA: The attack? OLD MAN: His uncle got killed. Mauled by an animal in the woods. ELENA: His uncle, Zach? OLD MAN: Mm-mmm. Joseph. ELENA: I'm sorry, sir. I don't think I'm familiar with the story. OLD MAN: Oh, how could you? I mean, this happened years ago. TIKI: Grandpa, you gotta go. mom wants you home. Ok? OLD MAN: Ah. TIKI: He wasn't bugging you, was he? He's a little alzy-heimer. ELENA: No, he was sweet. Hey, sir, I'm sorry. Um, are you sure that the man that you saw, that you knew, his name was Stefan Salvatore? MAN: Yes. I remember his ring and his brother-- ELENA: Damon? MAN: Yeah. Stefan and Damon Salvatore. ELENA: When was this? MAN: It was early June, 1953. Yeah. June, 1953. STEFAN: Caroline finally freed you, huh? ELENA: Uh, i don't know where she went. She abandoned me. Hey, I realized earlier, I had no idea that your family was from italy. STEFAN: No? Last name Salvatore didn't do it for you? ELENA: Right. Duh. Are there any other Salvatores in Mystic Falls? STEFAN: My uncle Zach. ELENA: Where did everyone else go? STEFAN: Kinda just spread out. ELENA: Hmm. STEFAN: Why? ELENA: I'm just trying to learn more about you. STEFAN: Hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] [In the wood.] JEREMY: Where are you taking me? VICKI: We can't hide out in your room all the time. Welcome to my other favorite party place. JEREMY: What, a cemetery? VICKI: Yeah. It's cool, huh? BOY: Yo, Vick! VICKI: What's up, Jared? BOY: You baby-sitting, Donovan? VICKI: This is Jeremy. he's cool. BOY: Smoke up. [At the sexy suds carwash.] JENNA: Your car was done an hour ago. You're saying that out loud why? LOGAN: Hi. Elena, right? I think i met you once when you were 9. ELENA: Oh. JENNA: Your emotional maturity level when we were together. LOGAN: Ouch. Here i thought we were making progress. ELENA: Is he enough in your good graces that i can ask him for a favor? LOGAN: If i do her a favor, will i get back in your good graces? JENNA: Uh, a very reluctant maybe to both. LOGAN: Done. Wait. One condition. Dinner, tonight, your house. JENNA: Fine. But you're eating leftovers. LOGAN: Ooh. What do you need? ELENA: Do you have access to old news stories, say, fifties? LOGAN: Yeah, at the station. Between the ariveses and the internet, we pretty much have everything. ELENA: I have this report way past due. It'd be a life saver. LOGAN: Heading there now. Let's go. ELENA: If anyone asks, you don't know where I went. I don't want Caroline to know that i left. [Salvatore's house. Caroline enters and goes in the cellar.] DAMON: Caroline, help me. Caroline. Help me. CAROLINE: Damon? Damon? Damon? Oh, my god! What is this? How did i know that you were here? DAMON: Because I wanted you to. Very, very badly. Let me out of here. Please. CAROLINE: You bit me. DAMON: You liked it. Remember? CAROLINE: Why do I keep remembering the same things, but in different ways? DAMON: You remember what I want you to remember. And now that the vervain has passed out of your system, you won't remember what you're about to do. CAROLINE: What am I about to do? DAMON: You're gonna open the door. You're gonna open the door. ZACH: No! No! Get out of here. Run! Run! Caroline runs. Damon kills Zach. Damon tries to catch Caroline, but the sun burns him. [At the sexy suds carwash.] TIKI: Sweeper duty. BONNIE: What? TIKI: We have to clean the pavement. BONNIE: It's a car wash. By definition, the pavement's clean. TIKI: But not dry. BONNIE: And I'm doing this why? TIKI: Caroline bailed, so that leaves me in charge. Fabulous. With her powers, Bonnie causes fire and Tiki's car burns. STEFAN: Bonnie! Bonnie! Bonnie! Hey. BONNIE: What just happened? STEFAN: You were in some kind of a trance. BONNIE: Did I do this? STEFAN: I think so, yes. BONNIE: Nobody else saw, did they? Don't tell anybody. Please. [At the station.] LOGAN: We digitized all our archives last year. You can pull all the remote footage right up on screen. What is it exactly you're looking for? ELENA: An incident from 1953, If it even happened-- At the old Salvatore boarding house. Logan's cell phone rings. LOGAN: Sorry, one second. Yeah? All right, be right there. I gotta go. You believe there's actual news to cover in this town? All right, use keywords to search the database. It's pretty easy to navigate. And Brady down in tech will help you out with anything you need. ELENA: Ok. LOGAN: All right? Oh, hey. Could you put in a good word for me with Jenna? ELENA: You got it. LOGAN: All right. Good luck. [At the cemetery.] VICKI: What? JEREMY; I'm stoned in a cemetery. VICKI: They don't mind, they're dead. Let me take this up a notch. Hey, Tony. TONY: Oh! Nice. Vickies from vicki. Ha! GIRL: Well, thank you, Elena Gilbert, whoever you are. JEREMY: You took those from the house? VICKI: She wasn't hung it. JEREMY: She's gonna notice if they're gone. That's not cool. VICKI: It's no big deal, Jer. JEREMY: Yeah, it kinda is, Vick. BOY: Damn, dude. TONY: Vicki brought the party police. VICKI: Shut up, Tony. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you mad. JEREMY: Well, what are we doing, partying in a cemetery with a bunch of losers? VICKI: Those are my friends. JEREMY: They're waste of space small-town lifers. VICKI: Yeah? What am i? JEREMY: You're different, Vick. VICKI: No, you are. You're the kid with the big house who's acting out because his parents died. Guess what-- You'll get over it. You will pull yourself together, move on, and one day tell your kids stories about your dark period growing up. And i'll still be here, waiting tables at the grill, partying at the cemetery with a bunch of waste of space small-town lifers. JEREMY: Look-- VICKI: Go home, Jeremy. If i want to feel like crap about myself, I'll just go back to Tyler. [At the sexy suds carwash.] STEFAN: Hey, have you seen Elena? MATT: No, not for a while. STEFAN: You think she went home? MATT: Not sure. STEFAN: Thanks. MATT: Hey. I'm not saying this for you. I'm saying it for her. But she's big on trust. So whatever you're holding back from her, the more you try to hide it, the more she won't stop till she figures it out. [At the station. Elena looks a documentary.] VOICE: This is Michael Fell reporting to you from the salvatore boarding house, where a brutal animal attack has ended in tragedy. Ok, they're bringing out the bodies. See if you can get closer. Is that the nephew? At the background, she sees Stefan. [Caroline's bedroom.] MRS FORBES: I didn't see you at the car wash. CAROLINE: Left early. MRS FORBES: Honey, are you ok? Anything you want to talk about? Is it a boy thing? CAROLINE: Mom, if i want to talk boys, i'll call dad. At least he's successfully dating one. [Salvatore's house.] STEFAN: Zach! Oh, no, Zach... [Caroline's bedroom.] ELENA: Dear diary, I'm not a believer. People are born, they grow old, and then they die. That's the world we live in. There's no magic, no mysticism, no immortality. There's nothing that defies rational thought. [Bonnie goes to her grandmother.] BONNIE: I don't know what's happening to me. GRAMS: I know, dear. [Elena's house. Logan steals Jeremy's watch.] JENNA: Logan? Logan? ELENA: People are supposed to be who they say they are. And not lie or hide their true selves. JEREMY: What are you doing here? LOGAN: Oh, hey, man. Just looking for the bathroom. ELENA: It's not possible. I'm not a believer, i can't be. But how can i deny what's right in front of me? Someone who never grows old... FLASHBACK OLD MAN: June, 1953. ELENA: Never gets hurt... FLASHBACK ELENA: Oh, my god, your hand! Is it deep? How bad is it? ELENA: Someone who changes in ways that can't be explained... FLASHBACK ELENA: Hey, um, are you ok? Your eye. Your face. ELENA: Girls bitten... FLASHBACK: ELENA: What is that? Oh, my god, what happened to you? CAROLINE: It's nothing! ELENA: Bodies drained of blood... FLASHBACK ELENA: Did she say what kind of animal it was? MATT: She said it was a vampire. [At the cemetery. Music stops.] BOY: Donovan? VICKI: No, i'm good. GUYS: Not it. Not it. Not it. Ah, Vicki. Vicki goes to the car. Damon is here, coughing, groaning. VICKI: Hey, man, you ok? DAMON: Come here. Come here. VICKI: You don't look good. DAMON: Come closer. I have something-- That I have to tell you. VICKI: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I got you, i got you. It's ok. it's ok. Damon bits her. [Salvatore's house.] Elena arrives and meet Stefan. ELENA: What are you?

Plan: A: the Salvatore basement; Q: Where is Damon locked up? A: Vicki; Q: Who does Damon feed on? A: Bonnie; Q: Who discovers more about her powers? A: Logan's charm; Q: What leads to Logan stealing the pocket watch? A: dinner; Q: What meal does Logan have at the Gilberts' house? A: the Gilberts' house; Q: Where does Logan charm Jenna? A: Gilberts; Q: What is the last name of Elena and Jeremy? A: a stranger; Q: Who tells Elena that Stefan looks like someone he knew in 1953? A: Caroline; Q: Who does Damon use to free himself? A: Zach; Q: Who does Damon kill? Summary: While Damon grows weaker from being locked up in the Salvatore basement, Jeremy's and Vicki's relationship grows stronger. At the school organized car wash, Bonnie discovers more about her powers and decides to face with them. Meanwhile, Logan's charm leads to having dinner in the Gilberts' house to charm Jenna, which leads to his stealing the pocket watch. Elena finds out from a stranger that Stefan eerily resembles somebody named Stefan Salvatore he knew in 1953. This leads to Elena questioning who Stefan really is. Elsewhere, Damon uses his connection with Caroline to free himself, kill Zach, and later feeds on Vicki.

[PEYTON'S ROOM. There's a horror movie on the TV and BROOKE wakes up as someone screams] PEYTON: [About something that happened in the movie] That's gonna leave a mark. BROOKE: So what am I doing here? PEYTON: Brooke, that's two weekends in a row you don't remember what happened the night before. BROOKE: Oh, please tell me I didn't make a fool of myself with Lucas. PEYTON: Nope, that would be me. BROOKE: Wait. You two were totally hot for each other. PEYTON: Were. Until about halfway through ripping each other's clothes off I bailed. BROOKE: Because? PEYTON: Because he got all serious. He was talking about this intense commitment or I don't know. BROOKE: Uh. I don't want to live in a world where two fine and willing girls like ourselves can have such a lame Friday night. [Pause] I gotta change my karma. Maybe you should make some changes too. PEYTON: I didn't wake up with a foggy memory. BROOKE: Well, you didn't wake up with Lucas, either. [PEYTON punches her playfully] [MUSIC STORE. HALEY and LUCAS are looking through CDs] HALEY: Luke, did you ever hear of a UHF or their SARA? LUCAS: Yeah, UHF. They're from Portland, right? They're good. Um, but with SARA, they're great. HALEY: Cool [NATHAN walks in] LUCAS: You okay? HALEY: Yeah, I can handle it. [LUCAS steps away] NATHAN: I called your house. Your mom said I was here. HALEY: Crap. I should lie to her next time. NATHAN: Look, I didn't know until Brooke read that note, okay? I didn't even know there was a note until later. I wouldn't do that to you. HALEY: Okay. NATHAN: Great, so... cool? HALEY: No, no. NATHAN: Well, you believe me, right? HALEY: Yeah, I believe you're sorry. NATHAN: Well then, what... HALEY: Look, this whole tutoring, hanging out, whatever it is, thing. It's just a bad idea. I'm done. I'm just done. [NATHAN watches HALEY walk away. LUCAS watches NATHAN] [LINGERIE SHOP. BROOKE has on a black bustier with purple lace and PEYTON'S still wearing her normal clothes] PEYTON: So explain to me how this fixes your karma again. BROOKE: It doesn't but it's a total pick me up, don't you think? [BROOKE lifts her breasts as if to demonstrate the bustier's "pick up" qualities] BROOKE: Now, try this on. [BROOKE hands PEYTON a leopard print top] BROOKE: Now the karma thing comes next. I figured out a master plan. If I can fix the damage I've done to certain people's love lives, maybe the universe will kick in and fix mine. PEYTON: [In dressing room] Pretty long list. BROOKE: Yeah, and Nathan and Haley are at the top of it. I screwed them over royally last night. Double karma points if I can undo that one. [PEYTON comes out of dressing room] BROOKE: Fabulous! You know not everybody can pull off the sceezy in the jungle vibe. Now I can fix you up to. PEYTON: No thanks. I am done with the drama of dating. I just wanna have fun. BROOKE: Then you'll be happy to know that I got us invited to a party at Duke tonight. PEYTON: So much for you changing your ways. BROOKE: What? You promised to have fun, and I promised to indulge in boys, not booze. And now we have something to wear. [PEYTON laughs] [KAREN'S CAFÉ. DEB is sitting across the counter from KAREN] DEB: My omelet was perfect, Karen. KAREN: Oh, thanks. And it's on the house. It gives me and opportunity to repay you for your hospitality last night. DEB: Oh, not necessary, I had fun. [KAREN sifts through mail] KAREN: Gotta love the mail service. [She stops when she sees a letter] DEB: Is everything okay? KAREN: I just um, I had applied to this amazing cooking circle in Florence and they just had a last minute opening. DEB: Oh, well congratulations. KAREN: I've not even been waitlisted before. [DEB takes the letter] DEB: Wait a minute. Six weeks in Italy? Aren't you excited? KAREN: Starts next week. It's not like I can go. DEB: Then, why did you apply? KAREN: As a lark. It's just not a good time with Lucas and the café. DEB: It's the opportunity of a lifetime. KAREN: Yeah, well, I guess it will have to wait until some other lifetime. [OUTSIDE THE SCOTT'S HOUSE. NATHAN is lifting weights as BROOKE walks up. NATHAN sits up] NATHAN: What do you want, Brooke? BROOKE: To apologize. For what I did to you. You and Haley. NATHAN: You're apologizing? BROOKE: Yeah, I know. Kinda weird, right? But I'm trying to appease the gods so... I'm sorry. NATHAN: Whatever. ... for drunken high school girls sick, so... BROOKE: Okay, I totally had that coming. I want you to know I'm going to fix it. Get you and Haley back on track. NATHAN: Not gonna happen. She made that pretty clear this morning. BROOKE: Leave it to me. What do you want to do on your date? [NATHAN looks up] NATHAN: What date? BROOKE: Never mind. No time to waste. I'll call you later with details. [KAREN'S CAFÉ. KEITH sits at the counter and KAREN walks up with a pile of boxes] KEITH: What's with the boxes? KAREN: Oh, bookshelves. And they were supposed to come assembled. KEITH: You gonna put them together all by yourself? KAREN: Actually, I was going to offer you dinner to help me. [KEITH grins] KEITH: Sold. KAREN: Perfect. I'll be closing the café around seven. So it's a date? KEITH: It's a date. [KEITH gets up and walks away] [HALEY in the café. She's working as BROOKE walks in] HALEY: We're closed. [BROOKE looks at the door, not having seen a closed sign] BROOKE: Oh, I get it. Closed to me. I don't blame you. I'd be a @#%$ to me to after last night. HALEY: Knock yourself out. BROOKE: You're feisty. I see what Nathan likes about you. [Pause] Look, you're blaming Nathan for something that I did and that's not fair. I was drunk and I was pissed and I found your note and you know the rest...I want to make it up to you. HALEY: By going away? BROOKE: By hooking you and Nathan up tonight. What's your idea of a perfect date? HALEY: Watching you get hit by a bus. BROOKE: And that sense of humor... Nathan's really lucky. He'll be here at 7. Have fun. [BROOKE leaves] [LUCAS' HOUSE. He's listening to the voice of an Italian man on the answering machine as KAREN walks in] MAN: Bonjouno. I am Marcello Vivari of the Genoculudidian Institute in Florence. I call for Seniorina Karen Roe. LUCAS: When's that 'do not call list' kick in? MAN: Excuse me, but we haven't heard from you. We sent a letter inviting you to start next week and, uh, we haven't heard a word so would you be call enough to call me back. [KAREN deletes the message] LUCAS: Isn't that that school you've been talking about forever? KAREN: Yeah... LUCAS: Mom, that's great! KAREN: It's no big deal. I'm not gonna go. LUCAS: It is a big deal, Mom. Come on, it's a huge deal. KAREN: Well maybe I'll just go some other time. LUCAS: No, Mom. Now's the time. Come on, you've put your whole life on hold for me. Every choice you've made has been about me. KAREN: That's the way it's supposed to be. I'm your mother. LUCAS: And I want you to have this. [Pause] It's time for you to do something for yourself. KAREN: I'll think about it. LUCAS: Don't think about it, Mom. Do it. [DUKE PARTY. BROOKE and PEYTON walk in] BROOKE: We're young, we're fun. Lets do some damage. GIRL: Want some while it lasts? [GIRL holds out cup of alcohol] BROOKE: No thanks. Designated driver. [BROOKE walks past the alcohol and PEYTON smiles] BROOKE: [Looking at random guys] Too desperate... too geeky... hello, Abercrombie. [BROOKE and PEYTON share a smile as BROOKE goes to talk to 'ABERCROMBIE' and PEYTON continues to walk, coming to a stop at a bedroom door. Inside's a guy, laying on a bed, playing music from a record player] PEYTON: Wow, Fugazi, Sparta... on vinyl. Do you mind? [The guy looks up and PEYTON walks in, picking up The Descendant's "Milo Goes To College"] PEYTON: Milo Goes To College. This is a great album. GUY: You know the descendants? PEYTON: Yeah. I'm Peyton. GUY: I'm Gabe... you wanna hear it? [PEYTON nods and the guy gets up] [PLAYGROUND BALL COURT. When LUCAS arrives, his friends are playing] SKILLS: That's too easy man, you gotta play some defense. [LUCAS reaches MOUTH] MOUTH: The prodigal son returns. LUCAS: Hey, Mouth, how you doing, baby? MOUTH: Hey sir remembers my name... heh. LUCAS: Ahh. JUNK: Have, uh, we met? LUCAS: How's it going, Junk? [LUCAS shakes hands with JUNK and a third BOY holds out his hand] BOY: Ferguson Thompson. LUCAS: Okay, guys, come on, it has not been that long. SKILLS: It feels like forever, dawg. I mean, do you still play street ball? LUCAS: Better than you. SKILLS: Aw, baby, he's been back two seconds and he's already talkin' right. Ooh... lets see what you get. LUCAS: Fine. Shoot for teams. SKILLS: You know what, why don't you and Fergie just take it, cuz, you gonna need it. LUCAS: Oh really? Like that. SKILLS: Just like that. Lock him up, man. [DUKE PARTY. BROOKE'S talking to ABERCROMBIE] ABERCROMBIE: So what are you drinking? BROOKE: I'm not tonight. ABERCROMBIE: Yeah? Me neither. Killer exam on Monday. BROOKE: Really? On what? ABERCROMBIE: Psychology. [Pause] Human sexuality, actually. BROOKE: What a coincidence. I specialize in sexuality. [GABE'S ROOM] GABE: [Holding up a record] So there's no way you have this one. PEYTON: Please. I've got it on colored vinyl. GABE: Okay. I was wrong about you. I guess the, uh, clothes through me off. PEYTON: I'm into the music, not the uniform. GABE: Same as me. PEYTON: Yeah? Well maybe some of us can love the song without painting our fingernails black. [BOTH laugh] GABE: Let me get you a drink. PEYTON: I'm not really drinking tonight. GABE: So that's why we haven't met before. You're still in high school. PEYTON: Yeah. I'm a regular cheerleader. [GABE laughs] GABE: Right, right... you're a straight edge? PEYTON: Not really. GABE: How about it? One drink. We haven't even gotten to my bootleg collection. PEYTON: Why not? [GABE gets up and pours her a drink. He slips in a pill, grinning. She isn't watching] [KAREN'S CAFÉ] HALEY: Okay. Done. [Throwing Keith a rag] Catch. I'm gonna head- [NATHAN knocks at the door] HALEY: Out. [HALEY opens the door and steps outside] HALEY: What are you doing here? NATHAN: Didn't Brooke tell you I was going to come? HALEY: I try to block out everything that Brooke says so whatever you guys are up to I'm just not in the mood. NATHAN: I'm not up to anything. Look, I apologized and I told you the truth. The rest is Brooke. She set up this whole serial date thing. One card leads to the next. HALEY: Well, what does the first one say? NATHAN: Convince Haley to go. How am I doing so far? HALEY: I don't know. It depends on what the second card says. NATHAN: Go to 1423 River Street and find your next envelope. On the way, tell three things you like about each other. HALEY: I don't know... NATHAN: Look, I'll go first. You're the most patient person I know. You don't go postal on me during tutoring and you don't treat me like some kind of a moron. I really appreciate that. Look, I know I have no right to ask, but we never do anything just fun together. And plus, this is Brooke. I mean, you can bet it's not gonna be boring. HALEY: I'm free to bail whenever? NATHAN: Absolutely. Trust me. HALEY: Uh-huh. [Pause] Okay, what the hell. [DUKE PARTY. BROOKE and 'ABERCROMBIE' are making out] ABERCROMBIE: Brooke, lets go to your room. BROOKE: Um, you know what, yours is better. ABERCROMBIE: Sick roommate. You live in this dorm? [They start kissing again] BROOKE: Across campus. Way across. ABERCROMBIE: I-I got my car. BROOKE: Okay. Great. Lets start there. [A cell phone rings and both reach for their cells] BROOKE: It's you. ABERCROMBIE: [To cell] Hello? I can't hear... right now? But you said that I could stay until midnight...This sucks. [ABERCROMBIE hangs up and turns back to BROOKE] BROOKE: I'm sorry, was that you mom? What, are you in high school? ABERCROMBIE: Yeah... but these parties are a great place to meet college girls. [Pause] Can I get your number? BROOKE: What kind of loser pretends he's in college? ABERCROMBIE: I'll take that for a no. BROOKE: [Looking up] Real funny. [GABE'S ROOM. PEYTON'S laying on his bed] GABE: Hey. Are you okay? PEYTON: I don't know. What's this? GABE: Why? You like it? PEYTON: Did you slip me something. [GABE walks over and Peyton tries to get up] PEYTON: Oh god I... GABE: Lie down. Good idea. [GABE shuts his bedroom door] PEYTON: Leave me alone. [BROOKE calls Peyton] [GABE'S ROOM. As PEYTON struggles against GABE, she turns on her cell] PEYTON: Get off me... Ow. [GABE holds a finger to his mouth to silence her] [SCENE_BREAK] [DUKE PARTY] BROOKE: [Into phone] Peyton! [GABE'S ROOM. PEYTON'S passed out and GABE'S laying over her] [BROOKE outside of GABE'S door. A guy is standing there as BROOKE struggles to open the door] GUY: Are you looking for someone? BROOKE: Yeah. No, my friend's in here. Get it open. [The guy opens the door and BROOKE finds GABE over PEYTON] BROOKE: Hey! GABE: Get out! [BROOKE runs into the room and pushes GABE] BROOKE: Get off of her. Peyton! Oh my god, this perv attacked my friend. GABE: She's lying. Her friend's just wasted. [BROOKE stands, almost fully supporting PEYTON as she hurries from the room] BROOKE: Peyton, come on. GABE: She shouldn't drink so much. [LUCAS' HOUSE. KAREN sits at a table with some pieces to the bookshelves] KAREN: What's on your mind? Keith? KEITH: What? Is it that obvious? KAREN: Well, you just seem a little preoccupied. KEITH: Yeah, well, last night after Dan's party I- I realized something and I'm tired of settling. KAREN: How so? KEITH: Well, I developed a bad habit somehow just, uh, letting things happen to me instead of going after what I really want. KAREN: Yeah, I know what you're saying. Sometimes I feel like I'm too old to take risks. KEITH: Well, yeah, but we're not. Hell, why can't we still be as fearless as we were when we were kids? KAREN: Because we have mortgages and businesses and more responsibility than we ever dreamed of back then. KEITH: Well, yeah, but don't you think we should still take a chance every now and then. Find something you want and... go for it. KAREN: Like what? [KEITH just looks at her. He's about to answer when the buzzer goes off] KAREN: Oh, that's the bread. KEITH: Mmm. KAREN: Hold that thought. [KEITH looks disappointed] [PLAYGROUND COURT. The game's still going on] MOUTH: And Scott is back with a vengeance, showing the locals how it's done. JUNK: That was nice, Lucas. [LUCAS'S cell rings and he runs to answer it] SKILL: Man, you got a cell phone too, dawg? Dang, you sure have changed, man. [LUCAS grins, answering his cell phone] LUCAS: Hello? [ON THE DUKE STEPS. BROOKE has her cell out] BROOKE: Lucas, Peyton's in trouble. Somebody drugged her drink and I can't wake her up. [BASKETBALL COURT. LUCAS looks concerned] LUCAS: Okay, Brooke. Slow down. [ON THE DUKE STEPS] LUCAS: [Through cell] Where are you? BROOKE: We're on the steps of Chapman Hall. LUCAS: Alright, call the campus police. BROOKE: I can't. She's been drinking! LUCAS: Okay, I'll be right there. [PLAYGROUND COURT. LUCAS turns off his cell] LUCAS: Gotta go, guys. [LUCAS takes off, running toward his car] FERGIE: Yo, Luke! [THE SCOTT'S HOUSE. DEB'S preparing the table for dinner] DAN: Nathan joining us? DEB: Uh, no, he had a date with Haley. DAN: His tutor? Must be a mercy thing. DEB: Okay... you did not just say that. DAN: Come on, she's from Westover. Her father works for the power company. DEB: So, what are you saying? That she's somehow... beneath him? DAN: Don't be so dramatic. I'm just saying Nathan could do better. DEB: Hmm, funny, that's what my parents said about you. DAN: And I proved them wrong. DEB: Well that may be. You should give Haley a chance to do the same. [A STREET. HALEY and NATHAN are walking] HALEY: And number three? NATHAN: Your loyalty. To Lucas. I know I'm not always wild about how it plays out, but it's cool. HALEY: Okay, uh, three things I like about you. NATHAN: My good looks. [HALEY laughs] HALEY: I like the way you let me in, past all the bluster you give everybody else. And I like your smile when you solve a problem. And... you're not horrible to look at. [BOTH stop, having reached their destination] HALEY: [Shocked] This is where we're going? [NATHAN laughs and the shot changes angles so we see NATHAN and HALEY standing in front of a lingerie store. NATHAN: Nice work, Brooke. [ON THE DUKE STEPS. PEYTON'S head resting against BROOKE'S leg. A young woman walks over] WOMAN: Is your friend okay? BROOKE: I don't know; she can't stay awake. WOMAN: [To Peyton] Do you know where you are? Do you know your name? PEYTON: Just... dizzy. [Scott Body shop pulls to a stop and LUCAS jumps out, rushing over to BROOKE and PEYTON] LUCAS: Brooke! BROOKE: Sorry, I didn't know who else to call. LUCAS: Is she okay? WOMAN: She's not drunk. I think he gave her a sedative. We just need to know what it was. [LUCAS looks at the woman questioningly] WOMAN: I'm a med student. LUCAS: Okay, Brooke. I need you to show me what room she was in. [BROOKE nods, starting to cry] LUCAS: Okay. [To the woman] Can you stay with her? WOMAN: Sure. LUCAS: Alright. [To BROOKE] Alright, come on. [DUKE PARTY. BROOKE leads LUCAS to GABE'S door] BROOKE: It's this one. [LUCAS knocks on the door] LUCAS: Hey, open the door. GABE: [From inside] Piss off. LUCAS: Piss off. [To guy who'd opened the door for BROOKE earlier] Is this your dorm? [The guy nods] LUCAS: Go get your R.A. [LUCAS steps back and kicks the door open. GABE jumps up] GABE: Hey man! BROOKE: It's him. [LUCAS lunges at GABE] LUCAS: What did you put in her drink? GABE: I didn't put anything in her drink. LUCAS: You can tell me, or you can tell the police. GABE: It was nothing, man. Alright? It was one roofie. LUCAS: Where are they? [GABE laughs and LUCAS slams him against the wall and punches him] LUCAS: I said where are they! GABE: They're over there. In the box. [LUCAS walks over to the box, grabs the sheet of pills, smiles, and punches GABE again] LUCAS: Oh. You better hope to God she's alright. [LUCAS storms out of the room and past BROOKE, who shakes her head and glares at GABE] [LINGERIE STORE. NATHAN'S going through the items, grinning] NATHAN: This would go a lot faster if you helped. HALEY: I'm gonna kill Brooke. NATHAN: Well, okay, here it is. [NATHAN pulls an envelope from a thong] NATHAN: [Reading the letter] Congratulations. Now, buy each other a gift and exchange them on the way to... there's another address here. HALEY: This is so wrong. [NATHAN laughs] NATHAN: You want to do it? HALEY: I didn't say that... lets go. [DOOR TO THE LINGERIE SHOP. NATHAN and HALEY exit] NATHAN: Did you see what that saleswoman was wearing? HALEY: Or not wearing. [HALEY hands NATHAN her bag] HALEY: Here. You go first. NATHAN: Alright [NATHAN takes the item out of the bag] NATHAN: Socks. HALEY: I was playing it safe. What did you get me? NATHAN: Open it and see. [HALEY pulls out a cream negligee] HALEY: Oh my gosh. This is really nice. Thanks. NATHAN: Okay. If we go to this next place and we hate it, we can just get some pizza, alright? HALEY: Okay. [A BEDROOM. LUCAS tucks PEYTON in under the covers, then joins BROOKE at the computer] BROOKE: Says here she'll be disoriented, may have some short term memory loss, which is maybe not a bad thing. LUCAS: How long 'til it wears off? BROOKE: Overnight, probably. Think she'll be okay? LUCAS: I don't know, Brooke. BROOKE: I feel terrible. It's all my fault. LUCAS: Yeah, well, what's done is done. The med student says she's gonna be okay, right? So we just need to watch her until she wakes up. BROOKE: I can do it. You've done way too much already. LUCAS: I don't mind hanging out. This time, I'd worry about her too much if I took off anyway. BROOKE: Okay LUCAS: Look. It's not your fault, okay? LUCAS: And hey, you did get her out of there. [BROOKE nods] [A RESTAURANT. A WAITER hands HALEY a menu as NATHAN sits down] WAITER: Here you go, Miss... Sir NATHAN: Thanks... to be honest, I'm a little afraid. HALEY: Order your favorite dish for the other person. NATHAN: Any chance your favorite dish it... prime rib? HALEY: Yeah, we have a lot of that at my house. NATHAN: I'm not very experienced with this so, uh... HALEY: Ordering food? NATHAN: No. I mean, with Peyton, it was all just parties and games and drama. I never really did anything like this. This is different. [HALEY nods] HALEY: Different... good? Different weird? NATHAN: No, good. HALEY: Okay. NATHAN: I'm really glad you decided to come. [LUCAS' HOUSE. KAREN and KEITH are sitting at the table, eating] KAREN: So the other night, after the SPL banquet, you said something. KEITH: Yeah, I know. KAREN: You said that you... you weren't the person you want to be. [Pause] I feel the same. KEITH: Yeah, well, maybe it's time we change that. KAREN: I want to. I'm a little scared. KEITH: You don't need to be. I promise. KAREN: Good. Because there's something I want to talk to you about. KEITH: Me too. You first. KAREN: I got accepted to this cooking program in Italy. It's uh, been a dream of mine since I was a teenager. [KEITH looks hurt] KEITH: Well, that's, that's great. When would you leave? KAREN: Oh. Right away, actually. I'd have to leave the day after tomorrow, actually. KEITH: Well, for how long? KAREN: Six weeks. But I mean, do I have a right to go traipsing half way across the world when I have a son and a business to worry about? KEITH: Well, you've got good instincts, so what does your gut say? KAREN: That I should go. KEITH: Well, then you should trust that. I mean, you know, you spent your whole life putting Lucas first and he's a good kid, but now you need to go after a dream of your own. KAREN: That's what Lucas said. KEITH: Well he's right. [KEITH lifts his glass] KEITH: Here's to your great adventure. [They clink glasses] [THE BEDROOM. BROOKE'S sitting on the bed next to PEYTON. LUCAS stands in the doorway] LUCAS: Still sleeping? [Pause] Here, I made some coffee if you want... BROOKE: I don't know how you do it. LUCAS:... it's easy. The directions are on the bag. BROOKE: You know what I mean. You'd give up everything to help her after what happened at Nathan's house. LUCAS: She told you about that? BROOKE: A little... look, the thing about Peyton; it's really hard for her to let her guard down but once she does, she's got this amazing heart, you know. LUCAS: Sounds like something the two of you have in common... who knew. BROOKE: So you don't have any brothers, do you? [Right after she says it, she realizes what was wrong with the question and starts to laugh] LUCAS: You mean... besides Nathan. BROOKE: [embarrassed] Yeah...how'd that work anyway? I mean, are you... LUCAS: I'm three months older. My mom got pregnant right after her senior year. Dan moved on to Nathan's mom the first semester of college. BROOKE: That must have been really hard for your mom. [Pause] So you two are pretty close. LUCAS: Yeah. We do a lot of stuff together. We talk... she's really great. BROOKE: Sounds nice. My parents would rather throw cash at me and send me on my way then spend any time with me. [PEYTON shifts and they look at her] LUCAS: Listen, you can grab some sleep if you want. I'll watch her for a while. BROOKE: Okay [Smiling] I'd rather stay and talk to you if you don't mind. LUCAS: I don't mind... [They share a smile] NATHAN: I thought you'd be into lobster. HALEY: Dude, macaroni and cheese is food of the gods. NATHAN: Yeah, if the gods are five year olds. [HALEY laughs] NATHAN: Ready for this next envelope? HALEY: Yep. NATHAN: Reveal a secret that nobody else knows about you. HALEY: Okay. When I was in second grade, I stole some candy. NATHAN: Come on, that's not a secret. Tell me for something to real. HALEY: I cheated on a Geometry test last year. NATHAN: Haley James cheated? HALEY: Yeah. My dad was out of town and um, my mom was sick and I had to take care of her so I didn't really have time to study. NATHAN: Did you get caught? HALEY: No. That was the point. I mean, I knew what I had done and that didn't sit right for me. NATHAN: So you started tutoring? HALEY: Yeah. I guess I thought it would be like, penance, or something. But it turns out I really liked it. NATHAN: I thought it was just to get to me. HALEY: So, what about you? What's your... secret? [A group of NATHAN'S friends walk over] FRIENDS: What's up, Nathan? FRIEND: Hey NATHAN: What's up, guys? FRIEND: What's this? NATHAN: Well, you know Haley's my tutor, right? FRIEND: Looks more like a date to me. NATHAN: No, dude, it's definitely not a date. FRIEND: Okay. If that's your story. [The friends walk off] NATHAN: Hey, I'm sorry about that. HALEY: Are you really that embarrassed to be seen with me? NATHAN: No. He just, he was gonna- HALEY: Why are you only nice to me when we're alone? [NATHAN doesn't answer and HALEY stands up] HALEY: You know, for a few hours there I was actually starting to think that you weren't a son of a @#%$ and you just, God, fooled me again. [HALEY starts to leave] NATHAN: No! Uh, Haley, wait. [THE BEDROOM. PEYTON'S AWAKE] LUCAS: Hey. How are you feeling? PEYTON: Like hell. What are you doing here? LUCAS: You don't remember last night, huh? PEYTON: I remember Brooke took me to a party. LUCAS: A guy slipped you something in your drink. Brooke called me to help out. [PEYTON starts to sit up, shocked] LUCAS: No, nothing happened! Brooke stopped him. PEYTON: God... LUCAS: Alright, I'm gonna go wake her up, okay? PEYTON: Wait! Thanks. Again. LUCAS: I just wanted to make sure you were okay, alright? [LUCAS gets up] PEYTON: Lucas... [LUCAS turns around] PEYTON: I'm sorry. LUCAS: For what? PEYTON: All sorts of things. [LUCAS nods] [A PARKING LOT NEAR THE WATER. LUCAS pulls the truck to a stop] LUCAS: You want me to follow you home? BROOKE: No. I'll be okay. LUCAS: Okay. [Pause] So why'd you call me, anyway? I'm not Nathan or one of the guys... BROOKE: Because I knew you'd come through. LUCAS: You're a good friend to her, Brooke. BROOKE: You sound surprised. LUCAS: Sorry, I just... I guess I just figured that you were... BROOKE: A brainless slut. LUCAS: No. You're not. What I was gonna say was that I just...I didn't think that you were... that tough. But I was clearly wrong about you. BROOKE: It's okay. Most people are. [She leans in and kisses him on the cheek] LUCAS: Hey Brooke... call me. If you need anything, okay? [Brooke nods] BROOKE: Count on that. [She gets out of the truck. He sits there for a moment after she leaves] [LUCAS' HOUSE. LUCAS walks in and KAREN'S standing there, angry] KAREN: Please tell me that you were somewhere in the land of no phones. LUCAS: I know. I should've called. KAREN: Coming home would've been another option. LUCAS: You're right. I'm sorry. KAREN: You, you looked me in the eye and said 'Go to Italy. I can take care of myself.' LUCAS: Look, I can, Mom! A guy drugged Peyton's drink at a party. Brooke called me for help. I took her home, waited until she felt better. Truth. KAREN: As excuses go, that's pretty solid. Is she okay? LUCAS: Yeah, she'll be fine. KAREN: Drugs, parties, and I'm supposed to leave the country. LUCAS: Hey, don't not go to Italy because of this? Okay, Mom, please? KAREN: We'll see. But if I do decide to go I'm going to have Keith come and stay here while I'm gone. LUCAS: Great, just as long as you go. [LUCAS pulls a piece of paper from his sweatshirt pocket] LUCAS: I went on Peyton's computer and booked you a flight on the emergency credit card, non-refundable. [KAREN looks up and smiles] LUCAS: I want you to have something for yourself, Mom. You've earned it. [They hug] [OUTSIDE HALEY'S HOUSE. NATHAN'S throwing rocks at a window] HALEY: Trying to wake up my parents? That's their room. [NATHAN turns around to see HALEY behind him] NATHAN: Wait! Haley, look, I need to apologize, okay? HALEY: You should write them in bulk if you're going to hand apologies out that often. NATHAN: Can we just- I don't know how to do this, alright? I'm not like you. HALEY: What does that mean? NATHAN: I screw up a lot, alright? And being around you, I just, I don't want to be that guy anymore. HALEY: Well who do you want to be, Nathan? NATHAN: I want to be someone who's good enough to be seen with you. HALEY: [Frustrated] Well you should've thought of that last night. You know, I keep, I keep putting myself out there, and you keep blowing it, it's probably a good thing because at this point there's nothing you could say or do that's gonna surprise me. [NATHAN leans in and kisses her suddenly] HALEY: [Quietly] Except that. You shouldn't have done that, Nathan. NATHAN: I wanted to. HALEY: Yeah. [HALEY pauses, looking at him, then suddenly leans forward, kissing him again, this second kiss much more passionate than the first] [KAREN'S CAFÉ. DEB walks in as KAREN'S looking at a piece of paper] DEB: Have I lost my dining privileges? KAREN: Why would you? DEB: Oh, because yesterday I popped off about how you should drop everything and go to Italy. I- I can be a tad bit pushy. KAREN: Actually, I was, uh, all set to get. But then this morning I was, uh, going over the numbers and there really is no way I can afford to shut down for six weeks. DEB: Well then don't. Hire me. I, I can take over. [KAREN laughs] KAREN: Right... DEB: Well why not? I've got the time and the management experience, and, and if that's all that's keeping you from going. KAREN: Deb, be serious. I have two things in my life. Lucas and this café. DEB: I know that. And because of that you know I take it seriously. You can walk me through the big stuff today and Haley can help me with the rest. KAREN: I can't. I can't. DEB: Karen. I'd like to believe we're friends. And, uh, I know that's happened quickly, but it has, and it means a lot to me, so I'm going to say this and then deny it if it ever gets out. There are things in my life I would change if I could, and running from opportunity is one of them. Go to Italy. Let me help you go. Your life is now. [KAREN smiles] KAREN: Okay... okay. [PLAYGROUND COURT. LUCAS and his friends are playing basketball. A car pulls up] LUCAS: [To Skills] Are you going to play D? [Pause] What? SKILLS: She aint coming to watch me play, dawg. Mmm-mmm. [LUCAS turns around to see Brooke walking toward the picnic table. She sits on it next to MOUTH] BROOKE: Hey. What's your name again? MOUTH: Mouth. BROOKE: Really? That was my nickname in summer camp. Because I slept with my mouth open. MOUTH: Right. Of course... BROOKE: You know, you're kind of cute. Do you have a girlfriend? [MOUTH looks shocked] BROOKE: I've got a real knack for hooking people up. [BROOKE catches LUCAS' gaze and smiles. He smiles back] [THE SCOTT'S HOUSE] DAN: Mmm. What smells so good? DEB: Uh, I got takeout from Karen. [DAN frowns] DAN: [Gesturing to Karen's laptop and other business-related supplies] What's all this? DEB: I'm going back to work for a while. DAN: Oh. Deb, that's great. The foundation must be thrilled. DEB: Uh, no, not with the foundation. Um, I'm going to run the café for Karen while she's away at cooking school in Italy. Keith is moving in with Lucas while she's away and I told Karen [Pause] Oh, um, what are you doing? [DAN'S looking around] DAN: I'm looking for the hidden cameras. Because you can not be serious. DEB: Uh, I am, serious. Karen has had enough taken away from her and if I can give just some tiny part of that back- DAN: And you did all this without discussing it with me first? DEB: The way you discussed all those decisions you made about Nathan with me? DAN: Payback's an ugly emotion, Deb. [DEB smiles and walks away] [LUCAS' HOUSE. KEITH and KAREN are carrying a huge suitcase out of the house] KEITH: I thought you were going for six weeks. [LUCAS follows KAREN out of the house] KAREN: [To LUCAS] So, you sure you're okay with Deb taking over? LUCAS: Yeah. If it means you get to go. [KAREN hugs LUCAS] KAREN: Oh. I love you. LUCAS: I love you, too. [KEITH'S finished getting the suitcase into the car. He walks over to KAREN] KEITH: You ready to go? KAREN: Yeah. KEITH: Great... got a little present for you. [KEITH holds up 10,000 lyre] KEITH: This is all that's left of my backpacking trip through Europe. KAREN: 10,000 lyre. KEITH: Yep. It's only worth about 6 bucks but you can, uh, get yourself a gelato. [KAREN smiles and leans against KEITH] KEITH: Don't worry. It will all be waiting for you when you get back. [KAREN'S CAFÉ. HALEY'S GIVING DEB 'The DRILL'] HALEY: Around six o'clock people get out of work, they want to come by DEB: Six o'clock. HALEY: Yeah. That's when it starts getting really busy. [The phone rings] HALEY: I'll just... DEB: Yeah. [A car horn honks. DEB looks out the window to see KAREN waving. She smiles and waves back] [THE SCHOOL. HALEY'S just leaving the building to go home (you see buses behind her) when she sees Nathan down the hall] HALEY: Bye... sorry. [Pause] [NATHAN starts walking toward her, but he runs into friends] FRIEND: What up, Nathan? [NATHAN nods and knocks fists with the friend. HALEY starts to leave. NATHAN notices] NATHAN: Haley! [NATHAN runs after her. She stops and lets him catch up. He pushes a hair out of her face, making it obvious he doesn't care who knows] [NEW BRUNSWICK COUNTY AIRPORT. KAREN and KEITH are at the departure gate] KEITH: Don't forget to call when you land, okay? KAREN: Alright. [Pause] You remember when you said the other night that I had good instincts and that I should trust them? KEITH: Yeah. [KAREN leans in and kisses a shocked KEITH. Karen pulls back] KAREN: You were right. [KAREN walks away and KEITH watches, smiling. They wave. [THE SCHOOL. LUCAS is walking and he runs into PEYTON] PEYTON: Hi. [PEYTON hugs him] PEYTON: I owe you. [PEYTON smiles, walking away. LUCAS catches BROOKE'S gaze. She smiles at him, then walks away with PEYTON. LUCAS watches them] BROOKE: So, been to any bad parties lately? [Pause] Come on, I'll walk you to history.

Plan: A: Brooke; Q: Who calls Lucas for help? A: a college party; Q: What do Brooke and Peyton crash? A: a new light; Q: What does Lucas look at Brooke in? A: Haley; Q: Who gives Nathan another chance? A: their first date; Q: What do Nathan and Haley go on? A: Antifreeze; Q: What is the name of the song this episode is named after? Summary: Looking for some fun, Brooke and Peyton crash a college party, but things turn ugly when one of the guys in the dorm drugs Peyton. After Brooke calls Lucas for help, the two bond while caring for a sleeping Peyton, prompting Lucas to look at Brooke in a new light. Meanwhile, Haley gives Nathan another chance and the two go on their first date. This episode is named after a song by Antifreeze .

THE CELESTIAL TOYMAKER by BRIAN HAYLES and GERRY DAVIS first broadcast - 16th April 1966 running time - 24mins 10secs [SCENE_BREAK] 1. THE SECOND THRONE ROOM (STEVEN and DODO succeeded in finding the safe throne. Now the second throne room darkens and a light comes on from the cupboard that wouldn't open earlier. It slides out as they watch until finally it stands almost clear of the wall - an unmistakable police box! To STEVEN and DODO's dismay, it is not the real TARDIS. DODO tries to solve the last riddle - call the servants without voice - by calling out to the dolls. Nothing seems to happen. Next, the telephone inside the police box rings, and STEVEN answers it. It's THE TOYMAKER.) CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: You're doing better than I thought. But don't rest on your laurels. The Doctor is succeeding even faster than you. Time and luck are running out. Here is the next clue: hunt the key to fit the door that leads out on the dancing floor; then escape the rhythmic beat, or you'll forever tap your feet. (There is a clicking sound over the telephone. THE CELESTIAL TOYMAKER hung up the phone.) STEVEN: But... DODO: He's gone. (STEVEN hangs up the phone. As he does so, the entire back wall of the police box opens and reveals a dark passageway.) DODO: Steven, look. (STEVEN and DODO look back at the chairs where the KING and QUEEN became entangled. Lying on the seat of the mangled throne are two playing cards -- the King and Queen of Hearts.) STEVEN: I said that's all they were. Never mind that now. The next game -- come. (STEVEN enters the dark passage, but DODO remains behind for just a moment.) DODO: (Shouting.) Dolls, dolls, wherever you are, come out! (Nothing happens so DODO exits. As soon as she leaves, the lights in the throne room come on and the last of the cupboard doors opens. The dolls inside begin moving, slowly and jerkily, out of their cupboards and make their way across the floor to the police box.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. THE CELESTIAL TOYMAKER'S PRIVATE STUDY (THE TOYMAKER stands facing the silent, invisible DOCTOR.) CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: I congratulate you, Doctor, on your choice of friends. A very astute couple. Neither of my teams have been able to beat them yet. I think they have earned a little amusement. (THE TOYMAKER turns to one of the doll houses.) CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: Now, what have we here to amuse them? Ah... (He looks around.) CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: Sergeant Rugg and Mrs. Wiggs. These then are who Steven will find behind the door. [SCENE_BREAK] 3. THE PASSAGEWAY (STEVEN and DODO are now at the end of the long, darkened passageway that leads from the second throne room. STEVEN throws his weight against the large door that stands at the end of the passageway. The door is Victorian in style, made of heavy mahogany. He is unable to open it.) STEVEN: Useless! No sign of a door handle, latch, or lock. We're stuck here. DODO: (From behind him.) Steven - the servants, they're following us! STEVEN: Huh? (STEVEN turns around and sees the dolls coming toward them. The dolls walk with a slow, stiff gait.) DODO: (Fearfully.) The servants without voice - they've come! They scare me. (DODO presses against STEVEN.) STEVEN: They're only dolls. DODO: (Fearfully.) We called them. Perhaps we can make them go back to their cupboard. (To the dolls) Dolls go back! Go back to your cupboard! (The dolls continue to walk toward them.) STEVEN: I'll stop them. (STEVEN moves forward and squares his shoulders ready to take some kind of action. DODO grasps his arm.) DODO: Steven be careful. You don't know what they might do. After all, we helped destroy the other four dolls. STEVEN: Perhaps we can edge past them. (As if the three dolls could overhear him, they spread out and stop, completely blocking the passageway.) DODO: (Anxiously.) We can't get past them now! STEVEN: At least they've stopped. I'm going to try. You follow me. DODO: Look! STEVEN: ... (STEVEN moves back, shoulders hunched, ready to tackle the dolls. As he moves back, the mahogany door opens, and he backs into it without noticing. DODO grabs STEVEN's arm, throwing him slightly off balance. She enters the room, a kitchen.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4. MRS. WIGGS' KITCHEN (STEVEN follows DODO into the kitchen. It is fashioned just like the Victorian doll house in THE TOYMAKER's study. It has a large china cabinet with Victorian Willow-patterned cups and plates. There is also a large table with mixing bowls, a rolling pin, and a pastry board. On one side of the room, there is a long sink with a wooden draining board. On the other side there's a large coal-burning range with many simmering saucepans.) STEVEN: Be careful, Dodo, it might be a trap. SGT RUGG: A trap? In here? In Mrs. Wiggs' kitchen? Hey, you want to watch your language, young fellow, me lad. (Standing by the long table is a red-faced, middle-aged, man with a moustache. He is a wee bit overweight and dressed in a red uniform from the era of the Napoleonic Wars.) MRS. WIGGS: Heyah, what do you want in my kitchen? (STEVEN and DODO turn again and find a plump, middle-aged woman wearing a mop cap. Her face is red from standing over too many hot stoves. She speaks with a Cockney accent.) DODO: (Stepping forward.) Um, we're looking for the next game. Perhaps you could help us. The clue goes: "Hunt the key to fit the door, that leads out on the dancing floor; then escape the rhythmic beat, or you'll forever tap your feet." MRS. WIGGS: Well, the only dancing floor which I know of is through there. (MRS. WIGGS points off to the other end of the kitchen where there is an old oak door with a large lock and keyhole.) DODO: Thank you. (DODO begins walking across the room toward the oak door while STEVEN remains behind, looking around the kitchen. SERGEANT RUGG stands, drawing himself up to his full height.) SGT RUGG: Alright, young fellow me lad, no loitering! Pick your feet up then! Hup two three four, hup two three four... STEVEN: (Contemptuously.) Why don't you go back in your box? SGT RUGG: What's that? Why, you young whipper snapper, I'll eh... (SGT RUGG raises his hand and twists one end of his long moustache.) STEVEN: You'll what? SGT RUGG: (Backing away.) Well, I'll eh...ahem, well, you need a good hiding, m'lad! STEVEN: (Chuckling.) And who's going to give it to me? (MRS. WIGGS steps forward.) MRS. WIGGS: And no fisticuffs in my nice clean kitchen, Sergeant, if you please. SGT RUGG: (Chuckling.) It's a good thing you spoke just then, Cook. (Chuckling some more.) No tellin' what I mighten' a done to him if you hadn't stopped me. MRS. WIGGS: (Looking fondly at SGT RUGG.) Oh, you're a terrible man when you're riled, Sergeant. SGT RUGG: (Twirling his moustache again.) Well, army trainin', Cook. (Chuckling.) Six years with the Iron Duke. (DODO, meanwhile, has been trying the door handle on the oak door without success. She turns back.) DODO: We've got to get in there. That's what the clue says. The TARDIS must be on the dance floor. (STEVEN walks over to the oak door and kicks it.) STEVEN: (With disgust.) How the Toymaker expects us to play his crazy games when he locks all the doors, I don't know. SGT RUGG: (To MRS. WIGGS with his voice lowered, chuckling.) I'd like to have 'im in my mob. Just give me a month - I'll make a man of 'im. (Chuckling some more.) (The SERGEANT chuckles.) STEVEN: (Threateningly.) What was that? SGT RUGG: Errr... ah... well, uh, not that he needs makin' a man of, but, uh, sharpen him up a bit like. STEVEN: (Moving closer to the SERGEANT.) Look! I warn you... (DODO comes over to STEVEN and takes his arm. She smiles and laughs at him.) DODO: Honestly, Steven! If they're not real, how can you lose your temper with them? (STEVEN looks puzzled and scratches his head.) DODO: You can't have it both ways, you know. STEVEN: (Deeply frustrated.) Oh, alright! I'll ignore them - they're just sent here to get my goat. But where do we go from here? We're stuck. (The SERGEANT comes over to DODO and looks her over.) SGT RUGG: (Chuckling.) Eh, the Iron Duke wouldn't have been stuck over a little thing like that. (STEVEN grits his teeth and turns to DODO.) STEVEN: Alright, I'm ignoring him. (DODO turns to the SERGEANT and smiles at him.) DODO: What would the Iron Duke have done? SGT RUGG: (Smiling.) Well, 'e'd have had another look at the riddle, I expect. DODO: The riddle? "...then escape the rhythmic beat, or you'll forever tap your feet." MRS. WIGGS: No, not that bit, duck. The first bit. DODO: "Hunt the key to fit the door," that - Steven! That's it! STEVEN: Then the game is - SGT RUGG: Hunt The Thimble! DODO: Only it's a key. (Looking at the oak door.) And a rather large one at that. STEVEN: The only problem is, where do we start looking? [SCENE_BREAK] 5. THE CELESTIAL TOYMAKER'S PRIVATE STUDY (THE DOCTOR and THE TOYMAKER are still together.) CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: You've stopped playing, Doctor. You know that isn't allowed. (THE DOCTOR does not move.) CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: (To the game pieces, in a high-pitched voice.) Go for move 770! (The pieces move by themselves.) CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: (To THE DOCTOR.) Now play on. (THE DOCTOR isn't budging.) CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: (To THE DOCTOR.) You're still not playing fast enough. (To the games pieces, in a high-pitched voice.) Go for move (The pieces move by themselves.) CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: Your friends have reached their third game: Hunt the Key! [SCENE_BREAK] 6. MRS WIGGS' KITCHEN (DODO and STEVEN are still in MRS. WIGGS' kitchen. They glance around the room. DODO walks over to the range and sees something she missed earlier. In a large chair, to the right of the range, is a sleeping boy, dressed in a chef's hat and grubby white coat and pants. He looks exactly like CYRIL except that his clothing is different.) DODO: Haven't we seen him before? STEVEN: I don't know. DODO: Wasn't he the Jack of Hearts? (STEVEN is looking for the key, going through different pots and pans.) STEVEN: Quite possibly. But does it matter? I mean all the Toymaker's creations look alike to me. We have to find the TARDIS before the Doctor reaches move 1,023. (STEVEN looks over the door to where the robot is now standing. The screen reads 813.) STEVEN: So I haven't got long to find that key. (STEVEN turns to the range and lifts up one of the saucepans. The lid is so hot that he drops it.) STEVEN: (In a low voice yet with great surprise.) It's hot! MRS. WIGGS: So wha'd ya expect? You come away from me pots and pans! DODO: Look, we've got to find the key to that door. MRS. WIGGS: Well, he won't find it there. DODO: How do you know? SGT RUGG: (Stepping forward.) Because Mrs. Wiggs always knows what's best, that's why. (STEVEN goes over to the sleeping boy and lifts him up to see if the key is underneath him. It isn't. Next, DODO looks around the kitchen again and tries another tactic. She turns to the SERGEANT and smiles her most beguiling smile at him.) DODO: You'll help us find the key, won't you? SGT RUGG: (Clearing his throat and twirling his moustache.) Ah... ahem... well... ah... I don' know, em... DODO: (Pouring it on thick!.) You look so marvellous in that uniform. You must be very brave. SGT RUGG: (Clears his throat.) Um... ahem... well, eh, I try to do my duty, girl, hmm, hmm! DODO: Then you'll help us... for my sake. (DODO puts her hand on the SERGEANT's chest and opens her eyes very wide. The SERGEANT, in turn, gazes back at her.) SGT RUGG: (Muttering.) Well, uh, alright, but for you, mind, not for him. (He points to STEVEN.) DODO: (Eagerly.) Where do you suggest we start looking? SGT RUGG: (Muttering.) Ah, well, uh, let's see now, ahhh... what about this old dresser, here, 'ay? (SGT RUGG goes over the to china cabinet. MRS. WIGGS, meanwhile, is busy at the table making pastry and keeping an eye on the exchange between DODO and SERGEANT RUGG with growing disfavour.) MRS. WIGGS: (Jealously.) Here! You watch what you're doing with my dresser! (DODO pays her no mind. The SERGEANT opens a drawer and begins rummaging around the knives and forks inside. Then he opens another drawer and begins throwing tablecloths and cloth napkins out on the floor. STEVEN, meanwhile, takes a chair and puts it by the cuckoo clock. He examines the clock just as the birdie comes out. It nearly hits him on the nose, and he falls off the chair.) MRS. WIGGS: (Outraged.) What do you think this is? A bloomin' fair ground? (SERGEANT RUGG empties out another drawer of linen.) MRS. WIGGS: (With disgust and jealousy.) Oh! Here! You put them things back in the drawer! SGT RUGG: (Standing at attention.) It's alright, Mrs. Wiggs. I'm just helping the young lady. (To DODO.) Here, um, what's your name, me girl? DODO: (With a big smile.) Dodo. SGT RUGG: Dodo. Oh, what a lovely name, Dodo. Heh! Heh! Oh, I like that. Heh! Heh! MRS. WIGGS: (Angrily.) Well, you go and like it somewhere else! And take your friends with ya! SGT RUGG: Aw, come Mrs. Wiggs... the girl's been and gone and lost her key. MRS. WIGGS: Well, she won't find it here! STEVEN: (Shrugging his shoulders.) Take no notice of them, Dodo! They've been sent here by the Toymaker to put us off! This time, we're getting warm! (STEVEN begins crawling under the table to see if the key is there. MRS. WIGGS looks back and forth at STEVEN and DODO, getting angrier by the minute. Neither of them pay her any attention so MRS. WIGGS goes back to her pastry board and prepares a pie for the oven. Now DODO walks over to a cupboard on the china cabinet and looks inside. She sees all the pretty china. She begins searching among the pieces for the key. By the table MRS. WIGGS screams, draws back, and looks under the table. STEVEN comes crawling out from under it.) MRS. WIGGS: (Screaming.) Ahhh! That's me foot! You come out from under there! STEVEN: (Breathlessly.) It isn't under the table! MRS. WIGGS: (Sarcastically.) Are you quite finished? STEVEN: Dodo, take a look behind that thing. I'll take a look over here. (DODO looks among the china plates up on the top shelves of the china cabinet. She drags over a chair for a closer look.) SGT RUGG: Hey, now wait a minute, girl! You don't want to get up there. You'll fall and break your leg. Eh, let me look for you. DODO: That's very kind of you. SGT RUGG: Oh, not at all, ma'am. Happy to be of - oop - service, hmm. (THE SERGEANT wavers and nearly falls. MRS. WIGGS glares up at him.) MRS. WIGGS: (Horrified.) SGT Rugg! What do you think you're doing all back there? SGT RUGG: (Reassuringly.) Now don't you worry Mrs. Wiggs, I'll be alright. (He sways alarmingly and grabs the shelf for balance.) MRS. WIGGS: I'm not worried about YOU... it's my best china! (As she speaks, the SERGEANT pulls a plate out to look behind it. The plate falls to the floor and breaks.) MRS. WIGGS: Oohh! Oh! Me best plate! SGT RUGG: (Muttering.) A little accident, Mrs. Wiggs. MRS. WIGGS: (With hands on hips and a glaring look.) Accident??!! That was no accident! You dropped that plate - deliberate like! SGT RUGG: (Solemnly.) I hope you're not calling me a liar, Mrs. Wiggs - oop! (Another plate crashes to the floor.) MRS. WIGGS: (Ironically.) Ooohhh! Another accident, I suppose! (The SERGEANT changes hands and several more plates fall. DODO looks nervously back and forth from the SERGEANT to MRS. WIGGS.) DODO: Oh! (SERGEANT RUGG mutters in frustration.) DODO: Oh, perhaps you better come down, Sergeant SGT RUGG: Oh don't you worry, miss. It's perfectly alright. (The SERGEANT laughs. Three more of MRS. WIGGS' lovely china plates fall. The sleeping boy begins to stir. MRS. WIGGS cries out in horror.) MRS. WIGGS: (Screaming.) Ooohhh! Sergeant Rugg! You come down here this instant!! SGT RUGG: Soldiers don't take orders from civilians, Cook. Now you just pipe down! MRS. WIGGS: (Hysterically.) Pipe down??!! You great oaf! You couldn't fight a pussycat! SGT RUGG: (Deeply insulted.) You didn't ought to have of said that, Cook. (The SERGEANT breaks more of her china plates - on purpose! One of the plates hits the boy on the head. Awaking with a start, he dives under the table.) MRS. WIGGS: (Furiously.) Ooohhh!!! Ooohhh!!! Oohh Sergeant Rugg! (SERGEANT RUGG growls.) MRS. WIGGS: Just you wait till they... (The SERGEANT and MRS. WIGGS begin to argue. SGT RUGG: Well, I'm not going to have you talking to me that way! MRS. WIGGS: ... if you think I'm going to ... (Argument continues.). (DODO is deeply distressed by what is happening and tries to calm them down.) DODO: (Shouting so as to be heard.) Oh, please!! Please!! Stop!! This is all my fault! STEVEN: (Also shouting.) Dodo, ignore them! ... to prevent us from finding the key! They don't really exist, remember? It's not real. (The arguing abruptly stops.) MRS. WIGGS: (In a soft yet angry voice.) What did he say? (Another piece of china breaks.) DODO: Are you sure about that? (MRS. WIGGS and SERGEANT RUGG resume arguing. By now they've thrown everything they could possibly throw at one another, including some of the pastries that MRS. WIGGS was preparing earlier.) STEVEN: (Exasperated.) Oh, come on. We've got to find that key! That is supposing there is one. We've looked everywhere, haven't we? DODO: (Sadly.) But I'm afraid it's all my fault! STEVEN: Nonsense! This is another distraction laid on by The Toymaker to stop us finding the key! DODO: Oh, eh! You said it was just a distraction, and - STEVEN: Now ... , but we've looked everywhere. Do you suppose there really is a key? (The SERGEANT and MRS. WIGGS are still yelling and screaming at each other all the while DODO and STEVEN are talking.) MRS. WIGGS: (To SGT RUGG.) Oh, you!! Don't you talk to me like that! (She throws buns at him.) MRS. WIGGS: Take that... and that... and that... and that... and that! DODO: Oh, look! You've thrown just about all the buns there are to throw. Couldn't you just call a truce? MRS. WIGGS: (Breathlessly.) A truce? After he broken me best china? (She picks up a bag of flour and throws it at the SERGEANT. It explodes on him, coating him with white powder.) DODO: Well, I'm sure he'll apologize! SGT RUGG: (Surprised.) Apologize?? (He shakes his head and brushes off the flour.) MRS. WIGGS: Ooohhh! DODO: Oh, well, you did break her plates, you know. (She assists the SERGEANT with the removal of the flour.) SGT RUGG: Soldiers never apologize. It's a rule. DODO: But a gentleman would always apologize to a lady. MRS. WIGGS: Oh! Soldiers! A gentleman! DODO: (Pouring it on thick!.) Sergeant Rugg is. I'm sure of that. (The SERGEANT mutters something, stiffens again, and then bows to MRS. WIGGS.) SGT RUGG: (Reluctantly.) I apologize. DODO: There. Now will you accept his apology? MRS. WIGGS: Oh, alright then. But he'll have to pay for my china! SGT RUGG: (His face reddening.) Pay for the chi - now then. You see why soldiers never apologize? Heh! Heh! Give the old trout an inch - MRS. WIGGS: (Screaming.) Old trout, is it??!! Just you wait for that, Sergeant Rugg! Old trout! (She picks up a broom beside the stove and goes after the SERGEANT. He backs away around the table.) SGT RUGG: Now then, careful with that broom, Mrs. Wiggs. Careful. (Bedlam ensues. MRS. WIGGS sweeps the broom at the SERGEANT's legs. As he jumps back, the boy under the table gets hit on the head. He cries out in pain. Crawling out from under the kitchen table with the jar of raisins in his hand, the boy makes for the far wall heading for the safety of the walk-in pantry. STEVEN observes all of this.) STEVEN: (To the boy.) Now just where do you think you're going? BOY: N-n-n-n-n-n-nowhere! STEVEN: (Suspiciously.) C'mon! I think that you know where that key is, don't you? So we're getting somewhere at last, are we? (The boy extends the jar of raisins to STEVEN who takes them. He feels around for the key but to no avail. He dumps the raisins onto the floor, but still no key. In the mean time, the boy has made his way to the pantry and shut the door. STEVEN cries out to him.) STEVEN: Hey you! Come back here! (STEVEN tries to open the door, but it's locked. Meanwhile, MRS. WIGGS has the SERGEANT cornered and is hitting him with the broom. DODO tries to stop her.) DODO: I'm sure you'll hurt him with that broom! (The SERGEANT moves around to the other side of the table and picks up the pie MRS. WIGGS was preparing earlier.) SGT RUGG: Well, if she does, then this pie'll get hurt as well. MRS. WIGGS: (Hysterically.) What??? Not that pie!!! Not that pie!!! Put it down!!! SGT RUGG: (Muttering.) Oh! Well then, you put that broom down, then. (MRS. WIGGS dashes around the table, sweeping the broom at the SERGEANT's legs. He jumps up on one of the kitchen chairs with the pie high above his head.) STEVEN: What's she so worried about this pie for? Look at the rest of the mess! DODO: Steven! That's one place we haven't looked! STEVEN: Where? DODO: In the pie! STEVEN: (Eagerly.) I see what you mean! (Bedlam ensues again. STEVEN picks up a second broom and goes to the other side of the table. He swipes the SERGEANT from the other side. The pie flies out of his hands and onto the floor. DODO rips into the pie and pulls out a large Victorian key. She waves it around so STEVEN can see it.) MRS. WIGGS: (With desperation in her voice.) Give it to me! Give it to me! Give it to me! DODO: Steven I've got it! (STEVEN runs over to DODO and grabs it from her. Next, he runs over to the old door and opens it.) STEVEN: Come on, Dodo, be quick! DODO: (To MRS. WIGGS and SGT RUGG.) Goodbye! Sorry about your kitchen! (DODO is right behind STEVEN. As she passes through the doorway, she slams the door behind them. MRS. WIGGS and SERGEANT RUGG just stand there staring. In STEVEN and DODO's place, THE TOYMAKER appears. He is NOT happy.) CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: (Angrily.) Wretched pair! I give you a chance of life, and this is what you do with it. Look at the kitchen! (The SERGEANT steps to attention and salutes THE TOYMAKER.) SGT RUGG: (Gallantly.) My fault, sir, not hers. CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: (With disgust.) Such gallantry from a mere doll. Now listen to me, the pair of you. Clean yourselves up, and get out onto that dance floor. At the far end you will find a TARDIS. Steven and Dodo must be prevented from getting to it at all costs! Do you understand? If you fail me... I will break you in pieces... like this. (THE TOYMAKER lifts the remaining unbroken china plate off the china cabinet and smashes it. The SERGEANT and MRS. WIGGS are frightened. They nod to THE TOYMAKER and begin brushing their clothes, preparing for the dance.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7. THE BALLROOM (STEVEN and DODO have now entered the ballroom. It is decorated in an old- fashioned style. A huge chandelier slowly turns, flashing multi-color lights. The dance floor has beautifully polished parquet floors. The music consists of waltzes, quick steps, and fox trots. There are three ballerina dolls dancing on the dance floor, one of which is a male. DODO and STEVEN watch them. When the dolls finish, they return to a stiff mannequin-like position. STEVEN sees a police box on the other side of the room.) STEVEN: The TARDIS! (He proceeds to step onto the dance floor.) DODO: Steven, be careful. This could be as dangerous as those chairs. STEVEN: But there's no other way of getting to it. DODO: It can't be as simple as that can it? There must be a catch somewhere. "Then escape the rhythmic beat, or you'll forever tap your feet." What does it mean? (STEVEN stretches his hand over the dance floor. A waltz starts playing. He then pulls his hand back. The music stops. Next, DODO tries. The same thing happens.) DODO: How strange. I can do it, too. STEVEN: (Shaking his head anxiously.) Yes, The Doctor's game won't wait for us, though. We've got to take the chance! (Just as he speaks, through the door come SERGEANT RUGG and MRS. WIGGS. Their clothes are now beautifully clean and pressed. They walk proudly into the room.) DODO: Hello! Aw, you made it up. SGT RUGG: Well, Mrs. Wiggs' got much too warm an heart to queep - keep - a quarrel going, miss. MRS. WIGGS: (Speaking like a young girl in love.) Oh, Sergeant's going to take me to the ball. DODO: The ball? SGT RUGG: (Chuckling.) Yeah, right here, girl, hmm, hmm. No lack of partners, as you can see. Oh they never get tired of dancing, them dolls, heh, heh! (STEVEN, meanwhile, has been walking around the edge of the dance floor. The only way to get to the police box is to cross it.) STEVEN: Well, it seems alright. We're going to make a dash for it. (He steps onto the dance floor. The music begins immediately. STEVEN suddenly finds himself dancing - against his will.) DODO: (Laughing.) Steven, I think we've no time for a dance. STEVEN: (Terrified.) I can't help myself! (STEVEN tries to get toward the edge of the dance floor, but every time he gets near, some invisible force moves him away.) DODO: (Anxiously.) Steven, this is what the riddle meant! (DODO points behind STEVEN and as he turns around, he sees the three dolls move toward him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8. THE CELESTIAL TOYMAKER'S PRIVATE STUDY (THE CELESTIAL TOYMAKER and THE DOCTOR are observing the scene in the ballroom. The tally recorder now reads 876. THE DOCTOR's hand is still visible, moving the game pieces from one place to another.) CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: (Slyly.) You're doing very well, Doctor. Let's hope you haven't made a mistake. Still, we'll find that out when you reach your 1,023 move. (THE TOYMAKER moves his hand toward the screen.) CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: I see that Steven has taken time off from the quest to go dancing. (THE DOCTOR's hand stops as if he were watching the screen.) CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: Oh, keep on playing, Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] 9. THE BALLROOM (STEVEN is forced to dance on the dance floor while DODO looks on in horror. The dolls keep moving toward STEVEN. Finally, one of the ballerinas approaches STEVEN, grabs him around the waist, and holds his hand. She dances with him.) DODO: Get away from it, you must! The riddle warned us it would be forever! STEVEN: (Shaking his head and sweating.) I can't! It's pulling me in a grip like steel! Get away from the floor, Dodo. Go back! DODO: (Anxiously.) But then we can't reach the TARDIS! STEVEN: I'll try to dance nearer to it! (As he spoke, the ballerina guided STEVEN's feet easily - farther away from the police box.) SGT RUGG: (Looking over at STEVEN and the doll.) Not a bad dancer for a civilian. MRS. WIGGS: (To DODO.) Make a lovely partner for you, ducks. DODO: Can't you dance down to it Steven? STEVEN: I can't lead! I'm just being carried 'round and 'round! DODO: Then I'm going to try and reach it! (She starts for the dance floor.) STEVEN: (Yelling in disbelief.) But what are you doing?! Go back! (DODO finds herself dancing on the ballroom floor and unable to stop. The male ballerina dances opposite her.) DODO: I can't! (Now the music changes to something more intense. The doll lets go of STEVEN and begins dancing alone in front of him. STEVEN, too, finds himself tossing and turning to the beat of the music. Meanwhile, MRS. WIGGS and SERGEANT RUGG observe them from the side-lines.) SGT RUGG: Now that we're dancing, what was it the Toymaker wanted us to do? MRS. WIGGS: (Pointing toward the police box.) Reach that big cupboard up there before them. SGT RUGG: Ah, well, what about that doll there, then. MRS. WIGGS: Aw, that's the game, duck. You dance with them, while I run for the cupboard up there. SGT RUGG: Oh, beggin' your pardon, Mrs. W. - this is men's work. You dance, and I'll run. Well, to be quite frank with you, Mrs. W., soldiers don't dance. Well, officers, perhaps. But sergeants, no. Here, why don't you try the floor? (A bit reluctantly MRS. WIGGS steps onto the dance floor. As she does, the dolls change partners. STEVEN's doll goes to dance with DODO, DODO's doll dances with MRS. WIGGS, and the third ballerina now dances with STEVEN. The music becomes even more intense and even a bit louder.) STEVEN: Dodo, keep close to me! DODO: Why? STEVEN: (Shaking his head.) Don't ask questions! MRS. WIGGS: Hurry up, Sergeant, I can't keep it up for long. SGT RUGG: Just on my way, Mrs. W.! (The SERGEANT seems reluctant to step on the dance floor. He braces himself and then goes. He finds that his feet, too, are being swept away by the music. The beat of the music changes. Again the dolls change partners. One of the ballerina dances with the SERGEANT. The male ballerina dances with DODO, STEVEN's doll goes to MRS. WIGGS. STEVEN finds himself unattached to a partner.) STEVEN: Dodo, come here! Help! (DODO tries to get away, but she cannot.) MRS. WIGGS: I'm surprised at you, Sergeant Rugg. Put that hussy down and get to the cupboard! SGT RUGG: I can't! STEVEN: He's going, Dodo! We must get nearer the TARDIS. (STEVEN manages to steer himself fairly close to the police box.) DODO: I'm bound to come to ... somehow! (With great effort DODO and her ballerina partner dance closer to the police box.) STEVEN: Well, we'll be ready for them! We're almost there! Concentrate now! (Again with great effort, STEVEN and DODO manage to dance their way close enough to the police box so that STEVEN can grab a hold of the door. He pulls it open, and as DODO and her partner come dancing past, STEVEN grabs DODO by the arm, freeing her from her partner, and the two dash inside the police box and shut the door behind them. STEVEN and DODO take a moment to catch their breath and, thus, do not realize immediately that this police box is not the real TARDIS.) STEVEN & DODO: Here we are! STEVEN: (Now observing his surroundings.) ... , it's another fake. I wonder how many of these things he made? DODO: Far too many. I'm beginning to wonder if we'll ever see the real one again. We might be shut in here forever. STEVEN: Nah, of course we'll find it. Go on, don't lose heart now. We've been through too much! (Looking around) How on earth do we get out of this thing? DODO: (Chucking.) I wonder if we'll ever see the sergeant and the cook again? They were rather funny, you know. STEVEN: (Shaking his head in disbelief.) Look, you still believe in these creations of the Toymaker, don't you? You can't see that they're just phantoms - things created in his mind. DODO: (Annoyed.) If that's so, why do they lose to us? And always through doing something silly and human? STEVEN: (Shaking his head.) Oh, I don't know. Maybe they get out of his control. DODO: Well, that's just what I meant. STEVEN: What are you talking about? DODO: Look, he can bring them to life, but they have wills and minds of their own. I'll never be able to look at a doll or a playing card again with an easy mind. They really do have a secret life of their own. STEVEN: (Looking at DODO as if she's lost her mind.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! We've got to get you out of here and quick! DODO: (With a bit of annoyance.) Why? What do you mean? STEVEN: This place is beginning to get you. DODO: Oh, rubbish! Just because you can't see... STEVEN: (Cutting DODO off.) We've got to find the next clue. Now who needs a telephone here? There must be in here somewhere. DODO: Still, can't help wondering what happened to them. [SCENE_BREAK] 10. THE CELESTIAL TOYMAKER'S PRIVATE STUDY (THE TOYMAKER and THE DOCTOR observe the ballroom from the study. The SERGEANT and MRS. WIGGS, now dancing together, were getting smaller and smaller in size - doll size. THE TOYMAKER waves his arm angrily, and the screen goes blank. THE DOCTOR, though invisible, is laughing.) THE CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: (To THE DOCTOR.) You forget that I can see you even if no one else can. But you laugh too soon. The game is not yet over... either for you or for your two clever friends. They still have a game or two to play yet. But they must not win the next game. (THE TOYMAKER quickly moves toward a doll house and surveys a row of dolls. There were the clowns, the playing cards, and the SERGEANT and the cook.) THE CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: (angrily) Clowns! (He throws them to the floor.) THE CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: Nursery characters! (He throws them to the floor.) THE CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: Playing cards! (These, too, he tosses to the floor.) THE CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: I was foolish to trust you to play my games for me. You're all too human, too kind. I must find a more deadly character. (THE TOYMAKER turns to a chest and opens it. He removes another doll from the doll house. It was a fat, English schoolboy in a school uniform.) THE CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: Ahhh! The most deadly character of them all, because he looks so innocent... a fat, jolly school boy. I wonder what your friends will make of him, Doctor? (He now looks over to the tally recorder. The register moves from 899 to 900.) THE CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: And I see you only have 123 moves to go! [SCENE_BREAK] 11. INSIDE THE FAKE TARDIS (STEVEN and DODO are still inside the fake TARDIS located in the ballroom. While the two are looking around, DODO discovers something written upon one of the box's walls. There is a large arrow pointing up to the roof of the box and next to it the words "Start Here" are written.) DODO: Hey, wonder what that is? STEVEN: This could be the next riddle - or the next warning. Not again! (STEVEN reaches up and begins examining the wall on which the arrow is painted. Farther up, there is a piece of paper at the tip of the arrow. He reaches up and takes it.) DODO: Well, there's the way out. (As soon as STEVEN removes the paper from the wall, the wall slowly descends until it is flat upon the ground and reveals a passageway - dark at the entrance but with a distant glimmer of light at the end.) STEVEN: Let's read this first. (He opens the paper and begins reading.) STEVEN: "Lady Luck will show the way, win the game or here you'll stay." DODO: Well, that's shorter than the others were. STEVEN: Doesn't mean it's going to be any easier. C'mon. (They leave the police box and enter the passageway.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12. A PASSAGEWAY (STEVEN leads the way.) DODO: I can't see! (As they walk toward the end, the light becomes brighter and brighter. It almost blinds them.) STEVEN: Don't do anything till we know exactly what's happening. (DODO screams. She and STEVEN stop and see CYRIL standing before them. Now he is dressed as a schoolboy. He also wears gloves and the fool's hat. As they stare at him, CYRIL removes the fool's hat and puts on the kitchen boy's chef's hat. Next, he replaces that with a school cap.) CYRIL: (Chuckling.) Hello, remember me? I'm Cyril, known to my friends as Billy. Had you that time! Scare ya? DODO: (Indignantly.) Yes, it did. STEVEN: We've seen you before, haven't we? CYRIL: (Chuckling.) Heh, yeah, that's right. You're Dodo, aren't you? And you're Steven? (CYRIL extends his hand to STEVEN. STEVEN accepts the handshake and gets a shock. CYRIL has a good laugh at his expense.) STEVEN: ... a shock! CYRIL: (Laughing.) You should see your face! STEVEN: You'll feel my hand in a minute! What have you got there? CYRIL: Be careful! (STEVEN grabs CYRIL's arm and rolls up his sleeve. Two wires and a small battery are strapped to his wrist.) CYRIL: I'll show you. Look. (CYRIL removes his gloves and shows STEVEN the rubber-backed electrode that gave him the shock.) STEVEN: Take the thing off! CYRIL: (Disappointedly.) All right, there! (CYRIL removes the entire apparatus.) STEVEN: (Annoyed.) Any more of these schoolboy jokes on you? CYRIL: I don't know why you're carrying on like this. I'm just trying to be friendly. STEVEN: (Sarcastically.) Well, it's charming way to make friends. DODO: (Sympathetically.) I'm sure he didn't mean any harm. CYRIL: (Nodding his head eagerly.) Of course not. Here, have some sweets. (CYRIL pulls out a bag of candy from his pocket and offers it to DODO.) DODO: (Shaking her head.) Oh, no thanks. CYRIL: Oh, go on, do. STEVEN: (Nudging DODO.) Dodo, go on, take them. We'll be here all day. CYRIL: If I eat anymore, I'll be sick, I expect. (DODO takes some of the candy and puts it into her pocket.) CYRIL: (To STEVEN) You know, you're one of my heroes. I... when I grow up, I, I want to be just like you. STEVEN: When you grow up? CYRIL: Yes. STEVEN: Well, you look pretty grown up to me already. (DODO, meanwhile, looks at the tally screen. THE DOCTOR's game will soon be ending.) DODO: Steven - look! The Doctor's reached move 902. STEVEN: We'll have to hurry. (To CYRIL) So, where's the next game we have to play? CYRIL: (Laughing.) Yaroooh! It's right over here. You won't find it so easy this time, you know... 'cause you see, you'll be playing against me! (CYRIL's round face with big, blue eyes displays a devilish expression that makes STEVEN and DODO draw back from him.)

Plan: A: a strange domain; Q: What kind of domain do the travelers arrive in? A: the Celestial Toymaker; Q: Who is the enigmatic, immortal entity that forces the travelers to play games? A: all eternity; Q: If the travellers fail at the games, they will be the Celestial Toymaker's playthings for how long? Summary: Missing episode The travellers arrive in a strange domain presided over by the Celestial Toymaker - an enigmatic, immortal entity who forces them to play a series of games, failure at which will render them his playthings for all eternity.

Piper: We're gonna beat this, Leo, just like we always do. Leo: You've always been a bad liar. [PREVIOUSLY_ON] Paige: This could very well not be an accident after all. Piper: How does that help Leo? Paige: Maybe something magical can fix it. Leo: Where am I? Piper: It's just our screwed-up destiny, and I have to lose you to save you. Paige: You're a parole officer? Henry: Let me guess, missionary, social worker? Do-gooder. Paige: Are you trying to charm me? Paige: How did you get my number? Henry: Oh, you're not the only one with connections. Paige: I see. Billie: The night my sister was taken, it was raining outside. That was the last time I ever saw her. Piper: What did your parents do? Billie: They thought I made the whole thing up. [SCENE_BREAK] Billie: Here's the thing. I have powers, which means my sister has powers, too. So if the demon that took her wanted to use her powers for evil, the only place he could do that would be corporate America. So... Phoebe: So you think this is some kind of demonic conspiracy? Billie: Exactly. What do you think? Phoebe: Well, I think if it is, it'll still be there tomorrow. Today you're supposed to pick up your parents. Billie: No, wait. Phoebe: No. No waiting. They traveled a very long way to see you, Billie. Billie: Your idea, not mine. Phoebe: Yeah, and I think it was a very good idea, thank you. Billie: Well, you haven't met them yet. Phoebe: Oh, come on. They can't be that bad. Billie: No? My father is a robot, my mother is a wallflower, and they haven't talked about my sister in years. Phoebe: And that's why we invited them to dinner. Trust me, ok? A little bit of Piper's food, some nice wine, and everyone'll be able to relax. Billie: Oh, you cannot relax around them. They're impossible. And, plus, they don't know anything about witches or magic. Phoebe: Well, they must have some idea. Especially if you guys both have powers. Billie: I think we were both adopted. [Phoebe scoffs.] Billie: Anyways, let me get back to my theory. So I have an appointment with one of those mucky-mucks who was kidnapped as a kid, and I think if I can just get him to touch this paper I enchanted, I'll know he's magical, and then I'll know I'm onto something. Phoebe: Wait a minute. How do you know that works? Billie: Well, I tested it on Paige a few days ago. Please don't tell her. Phoebe: Ok, here's the deal. If you want to borrow my car, you can. Billie: Great. Phoebe: But only if you're going to pick up your parents, ok, not chase some lead. It can't be as bad as you think. And you know what, who knows? They may even surprise you. Billie: Surprise me? They are going to suck the life out of this place. [SCENE_BREAK] Piper: Dominic, everything is gonna be fine. Just make sure you have enough beer, turn the music up, turn the lights down low, and you'll be fine. All right? All right. I'll talk to you later. Bye. [Sighs] Phoebe: Uh, what's that for? Piper: This is for Leo. Phoebe: You're videotaping yourself setting the table for Leo? Piper: Well, when you go away on a long trip, it's the little things you miss. Phoebe: Yeah, but, sweetie, he's not on a long trip. He's frozen. Piper: Not for long. Phoebe: Unfortunately we don't know how long it's going to take. Piper: Precisely my point, OK? So just, you know, act natural. Phoebe: OK, you know what? I'm-- I'm just going to go work upstairs. Piper: Wait, wait, wait. Is it going to bother you that much? Phoebe: Well, yeah. OK, no, it's not just that. I'm just-- I'm having a little trouble with my column. Piper: Really? Could ya turn to the camera and tell me a little bit more about that problem? Phoebe: [Laughs] Well, it's really quite simple. I don't know what my problem is. I mean, there's these twins, and they live together, right? And the girl doesn't know if she's going to be able to open up to her boyfriend because she's so close to her brother. Piper: All right, so what do you think? Phoebe: I have no idea what I think, and that's the problem. But I have to come up with something fast because, uh, my deadline is tomorrow. Piper: Well, I'm sure you'll think of something. You always do. Besides, maybe it'll make for great dinner conversation. Phoebe: Uhh. Piper: Did Billie go to get her parents? Phoebe: God, I hope so. [SCENE_BREAK] Dalvos: Billie, I-I feel terrible about what happened to your sister, but I'm still not sure how you think I can help you. Billie: Well, I'm just trying to find a connection, Mr. Dalvos, anything that could help me possibly find her. Um, maybe you've met or possibly heard of some of the other kidnap victims? They were found days later, just like you. Grant: Just so we're clear, you are not taking this company public. You got that? Dalvos: Grant, I'm in a meeting here. Grant: You can lobby behind my back all you want, but it's never gonna happen. See, my father made me chairman, cousin, not you. Which means we stay private, just like he wanted us to. Dalvos: We should talk about this later. Grant: There's nothing to talk about. You try a power play tomorrow, I'll crush you. Dalvos: Please excuse my cousin. He's been under a great deal of pressure since his father died. Billie: Uh, you know what? That's ok, I'll-- I'll just come back later. Thank you. Bye. Dalvos: She's a witch, isn't she? demon nanny: You've learned your lessons well. Dalvos: I've had a good teacher. demon nanny: Still, it would've been better for you not to have met with her at all. You are a heartbeat away from taking over one of the country's most powerful companies, which means now is not the time to risk getting exposed. Of course, that is why you have me. Dalvos: Can you handle her? demon nanny: I think if I was able to switch you at birth, put you in position to take great power, I can handle one little witch. [SCENE_BREAK] Paige: Hey, stranger. Henry: Hey. Paige: Bad timing? Henry: No, no, no. It's great to see you. [Paige chuckles nervously.] Henry: So how's your brother-in-law? You heard from him? Paige: No. No, we haven't. Um, which you would know if you returned a phone call. Henry: I did call you. I didn't call you back, did I? Ohh. Paige, I'm sorry. Work is crazy. I'm sorry. Paige: That's OK. And just so you know, if it is something else, it's OK. Henry: No, no, no. No. Look, forget about work. What are you doing for dinner tonight? Paige: Actually, I have plans. Henry: Ohh! Paige: [Laughs] No, not like that. It's with my sisters and our friend Billie. Her parents are in town, so... Henry: Good. Afterwards, me and you, P3, 9:00. Say yes. Paige: Yes. 9:00. But don't be late. [SCENE_BREAK] Helen: I'm sure she'll be here soon. Carl: Yeah. Billie: Hi, guys. I'm so sorry. Traffic was horrible. Helen: It's all right, honey. Billie: Hi. I hope you and dad weren't waiting too long. Helen: No. Carl: Define "too long." Helen: Well, what a cute little car. Billie: Thanks. It's Phoebe's. She's so great. You're going to meet her tonight. I mean, they're all--they're all great. Carl: Here. I got it. Billie: No, Dad. It's fine. Helen: You're sure? Billie: All right, Mom. You squeeze in back. Ready? Let's just go. Carl: Honey, will you--? Helen: Yeah, here, honey. Billie: You guys ready to see my school? Carl: That's why we're here. [SCENE_BREAK] [Vaccuuming noise] Phoebe: "Am I Too Close to My Twin?" Dorrie: Wait, what? I'm sorry, I can't hear you. Phoebe: "Am I Too Close to My Twin?" You know, my column. Dorrie: Oh, right. Is it done? Phoebe: Uh, no, see, that's the problem. I'm having a hard time coming up with an answer, which is weird considering how close I am to my sisters, you know. [Wyatt makes a horsey noise and Piper laughs.] Maybe a little too close. Dorrie: That's so weird. Your answers usually come so easily. Phoebe: Yeah, go figure. [Dorrie laughs] Phoebe: All right, tell Elise I'm on top of it, and I'll have the column in by 10:00. OK, bye. Piper: Where you going? Phoebe: Hey, Piper, Piper: Heh? Phoebe: Is there any way that we could keep it down just a little bit? Piper: Well, you know, it's for Leo. Phoebe: OK, you're right. I'll just go upstairs and do this. Piper: Or you could help me get the house ready for our dinner guests. Phoebe: Um, Piper, dinner is, like, 4 hours from now. Are you sure you're doing OK? Piper: Yeah, I'm fine. Why? Phoebe: Why? Because you didn't clean and prep this much for your own wedding, that's why. Piper, you're not dealing. Piper: You're not helping. Billie! You're really early. Billie: Yeah, we decided to drive by the campus instead. Can we come in? Please? [SCENE_BREAK] Billie: You know, Phoebe over here is actually "Ask Phoebe," the advice columnist from the Bay Mirror. Helen: Really? Wow. Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, that's me. Um, actually, I'm working on a very interesting question from one of my readers right now. Carl: We don't read the advice columns. Phoebe: Oh. Piper: Would anyone like more wine? Paige: Ooh, well, that reminds me, I have to go meet Henry. Uh, you know, for drinks. [Chuckles] Getting kind of late. And you know, if there's anyone you don't want to be late for, that would be a parole officer. Ok, honey, good luck. Goodbye. Helen: Did she say parole officer? Billie: It's not what you think. Carl: Interesting friends. Billie: Excuse me? Carl: Well, I think we should be going, too. It was kind of you to invite us. Thank you for dinner. Phoebe: Wait, wait, no. We--you know, you haven't even had dessert yet. Carl: It's been a long trip. Billie: I need to ask you guys about Christy right now. [Helen gasps.] Carl: That's not something we talk about in front of strangers, Billie. Phoebe: Uh, we're not really strangers. Billie: No. Actually, Dad, they're friends. Really good friends. And for the record, you never want to talk about her. In fact, I remember a month after she was taken, you guys went back to your pretty little lives like nothing ever happened, but something did happen. Carl: You were 5, what do you know? Billie: I know you didn't do a damn thing to try and find her. Helen: That's not true. [Fly buzzing] Piper: Ok, maybe we should all just sit down and-- Carl: I told you coming here was a mistake. Billie: No, the mistake was me thinking you guys could know that this hurts me, too. Helen: Why do you always do this to us? Carl: Because she doesn't care about us, that's why. Billie: I don't care about you?! You guys are cold-hearted assassins. [Fly buzzing] [Fly splats] Carl: Nice shot, babe. Helen: Thanks, hon. Hmmm. Piper: Oh, boy. [SCENE_BREAK] Helen: Mmm, titanium. [Laughs] The best. Carl:: Mmm. Helen: Nice gun. Where'd you get that? Carl: I don't know, but I like it. Helen: [Laughs.] Me, too. Billie: What's going on? Phoebe: Piper, what did you put in their food? Piper: Food was in the food, thank you. Phobes: Well, how do you explain this? Piper: Well, don't look at me. She's the one that said "assassins". Billie: It's a figure of speech. Piper: Well, apparently not. Billie: Mom, Dad? Helen: Excuse me? Who are you? Billie: I'm your daughter. Billie. Helen: Come here. Come here. Mmm. Phoebe: Ok, you know, let's talk over here. You guys, just don't mind us. Just keep grossing me out over there. Billie: How did this happen? Phoebe: I have no idea, but we have to figure it out fast. Piper: Ok, why don't you two go upstairs and check the book, see if you can find anything that will help them, and I will stay here and keep an eye on Mr. and Mrs. there. Phoebe: Well, I don't think it was a spell because the words didn't rhyme, but obviously it had something to do with the words, right? Billie: You know, or maybe it was just-- me. Phoebe: Well, no, it couldn't have just been you. I mean, that was a pretty powerful transformation down there. Billie: Well, tell that to these flowers. This morning they were alive until I said something like "suck the life out of this place," and then they just... Phoebe: Got the life sucked out of them? Billie: Phoebe, what's happening to me? Phoebe: Oh, sweetie, I don't know. Although I do know of a power called projection, and I've never actually seen it, but I know it exists. Billie: Projection? Phoebe: It lets the witch turn people and things into whatever comes to mind without a spell or a potion. It's pretty powerful stuff. Billie: Wait, so you're saying I just all of a sudden have this new power? Phoebe: Well, it kind of makes sense if you think about it. Right? I mean, you're growing as a witch, and our powers are tied to our emotions, and you've been suppressing those lately. Billie: Well, if I can turn my parents into something, I can turn them back, right? Dead flowers, be alive again! Phoebe: Yeah, it takes a while to get the hang of new powers, plus you're not in the same emotional state you were downstairs. Billie: Well, how do I get back to that same emotional state? Phoebe: I don't know. But when you figure it out, just be careful what you say. [Muffled speech] Billie: Oh, my gosh! Phoebe: Piper, what happened? Piper: Uh, well, augh! Billie: Sorry. Piper: Your parents jumped me. It's the last time I invite them to dinner. Phoebe: Easy, easy. Billie: They beat your freeze? Piper: Ugh, I didn't even have a chance. They're fast, and they're dangerous. Billie: What do you mean? Piper: They said they were going to find some real action. Phoebe: What does that mean? Billie: The only action I remember them looking for growing up was bowling night. Phoebe: Hmm. Piper: Well, now apparently they're looking for an arsenal. [SCENE_BREAK] [Dance music playing] Bartender: Hey, Paige, what's up? Paige: Hey. Hi. I'm supposed to meet my date here. Has anyone come up and asked for me? Bartender: No, not tonight. Paige: Huh. He was supposed to meet me 30 minutes ago. Ok. Um, you're sure? Bartender: I'm sure. Sorry. [Cell phone rings] Paige: You're late. Piper: Paige, hi. Where are you? Paige: Oh, well, apparently I'm being stood up. Why? Piper: Because we need you at home. Apparently we have some assassins to save. [SCENE_BREAK] [Gunshots] Carl: Where you hiding all those things anyway? Helen: Well, I'm all out of ammo now. But you're welcome to check. Carl: Later. First we need to stock up. Ammo for me. Prada for you. Helen: Mmm, you read my mind. Carl: Hmm. Helen: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Paige: All right, ladies, so what is it? What's the plan? Piper: Well, hello to you, too. Paige: Sorry. Just got stood up. Not really so much in the mood for chitchat. Phoebe: Ohh, well, I'm sure Henry has a perfectly good explanation for that. Paige: Hmm, doesn't he always? Ok, what's going on? Billie: Find my parents before they kill someone. Phoebe: We're going to stun 'em with this, bring them back here, and then change them back. Piper: Except we haven't figured out that last part yet. Billie: Yeah, and this isn't working. You know, maybe I should just use my new power, turn myself into a target, so they come after me. Phoebe: You know, Billie, this isn't your fault. Billie: Yes, it is. Phoebe: No, you got emotional and hurt. It's completely understandable. Paige: Hey, can we make some of that stun potion for me to use on Mr. Henry? Piper: People, focus. The longer they're out there, the more damage they do. Paige: Well, you know, scrying's not going to work for them anyway because they're not magical. Piper: No, but they are enchanted. Billie: Hey, I think I found them. Phoebe: OK, great. Piper, take these. Piper: Oh, no, I can't go. Paige: Why not? Piper: Well, the boys. Phoebe: Sweetie, the boys will be OK. I'll stay here. Don't worry about them. Piper: No, I know. I'm just, you know, with Leo gone, I kinda want to stay close to them. Phoebe: OK. I'll go. We'll be back. [SCENE_BREAK] Billie: Oh, are they dead? Phoebe: No, it looks like they're still breathing. Paige: Looks like your parents were just toying with them. Billie: I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Paige: Bad thing. Throw the potion. Phoebe: Uh-oh. Billie: Mom, Dad, we're not trying to hurt you. We want to help you. Helen: Why does she keep calling us that? Carl: I have no idea. Phoebe: Paige! [SCENE_BREAK] Dalvos: You said you could handle this. You promised. demon nanny: Have I ever let you down? Dalvos: No. No, it's just yesterday I had only one witch to worry about. Now I've got three. demon nanny: Not just any 3 witches. The Charmed Ones. Dalvos: What? That's who they are? I don't have the power to stand up to them. demon nanny: You don't have the power to stand up to anybody. Demonically speaking, I mean. But you won't have to. As far as they know, you're human. They can't touch you. Dalvos: Maybe not. But they're sure as hell not going to let us take out Grant so I can become chairman. nanny demon: We won't have to take him out. They'll do it for us. At least, Billie's spellbound parents will. Dalvos: How? demon nanny: You're going to hire them. [SCENE_BREAK] [Knock on door] Dalvos: I hear you two are looking for some action. I come bearing gifts. Carl: And who are you? Dalvos: Someone who wants somebody killed. Interested? Everything you'll need to get through security, including the weapon, which I assume you'll be able to figure out. Helen: Who's the mark? Dalvos: In the envelope. It won't be easy, and you'll only get one shot at him. Plus, the meeting's in less than an hour. Carl: And what's in it for us? Dalvos: Whatever you want. [Helen laughs.] Carl: We're in. [SCENE_BREAK] Phoebe: They still moving? Billie: Yep. Phoebe: Hey, you OK? Billie: 0h, yeah, sure, considering my parents tried to shoot me. Paige: Well, if it makes you feel better, you know, they weren't really your parents when they did that. I mean, they didn't know they were your parents. But they are your parents is what I'm saying. Phoebe: Just keep mixing. Billie: I just still can't believe this is all happening. Phoebe: Well, it's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. Billie: I know, but still. You know, it's so weird, but I can remember them being like this all the time. Paige: What, like assassins? Billie: No, happy. Together-- working together, laughing. When Christy got kidnapped, it all just-- Phoebe: Well, it's the hardest thing in the world to lose a child. Billie: I know. I know that. Even though I may have just been 5, I miss the way it used to be. Well, I guess it's good to know they have it in them still. Phoebe: Who knows? Maybe they'll be like that again soon. After you find Christy. Piper? Paige: Uh, no, she's with the babies, putting them down for a nap. Here. I think I know who it is. Oh, and, uh, we lucked out with her parents before, but we need to stop them before they kill an innocent. Phoebe: I know, I know. [SCENE_BREAK] Paige: Henry, hi. Henry: Did you get any of my calls? Paige: Yeah, I got all your calls. Henry: Ok, you're mad. I-- I don't blame you. Um, I can explain, though, all right? Paige: There's really nothing to explain. Ha! You stood me up. Henry: One of my parolees skipped out. What was I supposed to do? Paige: Call me. Henry: Oh, I did. I tried calling. Paige: Before, Henry. Not after. Look, here's the thing. I'm a big girl. I really am. So if you don't want to go out with me, please just say so because I'm really not into the whole game-playing thing. Henry: I'm not playing any games, Paige. Paige: It's not supposed to be this hard this early. I don't know. I keep feeling like there's something off or there's something you're not telling me, some sort of secret. Henry: What are you not telling me? Paige: Don't turn this around on me. Henry: No, I'll admit-- I have my secrets. Paige: Oh, my God, are you married? Henry: No, I'm not married. Look, we both know you're not telling me something here, OK? I have trouble getting close to people, Paige. And I know it doesn't let me off the hook, but when you're holding back on me-- Phoebe: Paige! We gotta move. Uh, so could get the thing from the thing for the thing. Paige: Yeah. Um, ok. Well, I have to go. I'll call you. Henry: You promise? Paige: Promise. Phoebe: Sorry, it's just her parents stopped moving. Billie: Right where I was trying to prove my conspiracy theory, too. Piper: What conspiracy theory? Billie: The one about my sister being one of many powerful kids that was kidnapped by demons. Phoebe: Think Manchurian Candidate. Paige: Which version? Phoebe: Does it matter? Billie: I don't even understand what my parents are doing here anyway. I mean it's too big of a coincidence to be a coincidence, right? Phoebe: Well, maybe there really are demons at the company, and they know you're onto them. Paige: Maybe they're using your parents as leverage. Phoebe: This time, you're going, I'm staying. Piper: Wait, but-- Phoebe: No buts. We don't know what we're up against, and you have more firepower than I do. Piper: Yeah, but you've got the potions. Paige: They're only stun potions. Piper: So, we can make vanguiishing potions. Billie: We don't have time. My parents don't have time. Phoebe: Look, you can't hole up here anymore. And you can't busy yourself with endless tasks, OK? You have to get back out there and fight. For Leo. [SCENE_BREAK] Paige: Do you see them anywhere? Billie: Nope. Piper: How do you know they're in there? Billie: Well, Dalvos is here, so they have to be close. Carl: Excuse me. Is this seat taken? Helen: Help yourself. [Applause] Grant: Thank you. Thank you. Good afternoon, everyone. There's been a lot of talk about where our company'ss going next, both in terms of our businesses, and in terms of the broader question: Will Pelham go public or remain private? It's this question I'd like to address today. Now, Pelham is a family company, founded on old-fashioned values: Trust, hard work, and results. Billie: Oh, there they are. 2 tables from the front. Paige: Well, at least they're ok. Billie: How we going to get them outta here? Piper: We wait. Grant: So I think the real question we should be asking is, which direction will better serve these core values? So, after much consideration, I want to reassure everyone in every division, from microchips to macro turbines, that Pelham is going to remain-- Billie: What are you doing? Are you crazy? Paige: Aah! Hot! Piper: Something's not right. Why would they want to shoot him? nanny demon: Because I wanted them to. Just so you know, whether or not you vanquish me, it won't save mommy and daddy. Piper: How do you figure? nanny demon: Because the chairman is still going to die. And they will still be blamed for his murder. And afterwards, our greatest creation-- for all intents and purposes, a human-- Rod Dalvos will take over, and with it give us the demonic foothold we've worked a generation to achieve. Piper: And how do you plan to accomplish all that? [SCENE_BREAK] Phoebe: I don't know. It just came to me. Actually, I don't know why I had such a hard time with the question in the first place. Dorrie: [Over telephone] But it's brilliant, Phoebe, really. Phoebe: Oh, well, I don't know about brilliant. Dorrie: Are you kidding? "Sometimes people can rely a little too much on a sibling for their emotional needs, not being open to finding love outside of the home. Sometimes you have to move out to move on." How'd you come up with that? Phoebe: Well, let's just say I can relate. And it took me a little while to figure it out. You know? And, uh, some peace and quiet. Piper: We got big problems. Phoebe: So much for peace and quiet. Uh, OK, get that to copy right away 'cause I don't want to miss the deadline. All right, thanks. Piper: Where are the boys? Phoebe: They're still napping. Piper: Ok, I'm going to go take them to Dad's. I don't want them to be around here. And just so we're clear, I'm not ducking a fight. I'm just protecting my kids. Phoebe: What's going on? What happened? Billie: What's going on is my parents just tried to kill someone. Paige: But they didn't. Phoebe: Oh, well, thank God for that. Paige: Yeah, except that they are wanted for murder. See, they were set up by this demon who was-- Billie: A human demon. Paige: Yeah, who wants to take over a company. Phoebe: Back up, a human demon? Billie: Yeah, Dalvos, the guy I met, he hired my parents to kill his boss. Paige: Well, he, actually hired the nanny. Phoebe: Wait, the demon has a nanny? Paige: Well, she's really the one who's pulling the strings. Billie: Yeah, and she's trying to frame my parents, so we have to get to them before she does. Paige: Or the police do. [Phoebe sighs] [SCENE_BREAK] Reporter: Do you have any idea why anyone would want to shoot your cousin? Dalvos: I honestly don't know why they'd want to kill Grant. I mean, I assume it's connected to their daughter coming to ask for our help yesterday. Reporter: Help for what? Another reporter: Can you elaborate on that? Dalvos: Help in finding her sister. I guess she thought since I, too, was a kidnap victim as a child, we could help. We looked into the possibility, of course. But when Grant discovered that her parents had spent the past 15 years searching for their daughter with no success, he decided there wasn't really anything we could do. Obviously, Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins didn't like that answer. [SCENE_BREAK] Dalvos: How long before I become chairman? demon nanny: We wait for a respectable period of mourning. After all, we wouldn't want to appear too anxious or cast unwanted suspicions, now, would we? Dalvos: All right. Then what do we do? demon nanny: We take care of loose ends. That's what we do. [SCENE_BREAK] [Cell phone rings] Carl: Yeah? You'll text me where to find this loose end? Consider it done. [Cell phone rings] Helen: Yes? All right. Where do I find the mark? [SCENE_BREAK] Piper: How's it going? Phoebe: Oh, not good. They've split up, and they keep moving around. Every time the crystal drops, it jumps someplace else. Piper: Well, maybe they know someone's looking for them. Phoebe: Well, I think everyone's looking for them Piper: Where's Paige? Phoebe: She's upstairs trying to find the demon nanny in the book. Dalvos: [Over computer speaker] I honestly don't know why they'd want to kill grant. Phoebe: Hey, how's it going? Dalvos: I mean, I can only assume it's connected to their daughter coming to... Phoebe: Billie! Billie: What? Phoebe: Did you find anything? Billie: Just this. Dalvos: Help in finding her sister. I guess she thought since I, too, had been a kidnap victim as a child, that we could do something. We looked into the possibility, of course, but when Grant discovered that her parents have spent the past 15 years searching for her without success, he decided there wasn't really anything we could do. Obviously Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins didn't like that answer. Billie: This is all over the internet. I mean, they were looking for her, and they didn't even tell me. Phoebe: Ok. We're going to find them, Billie. Billie: How? Scrying isn't working. Phoebe: You know what? There might be another way. If Christy and Billie both have powers, doesn't that mean that their parents have to be the carriers? Piper: If it's in the blood. Right. So wouldn't that mean that the "call for a lost witch" spell might work? [SCENE_BREAK] Carl: Helen. Helen: Carl. Carl: I had no idea. Helen: Me neither. Carl: What are we going to do? Helen: Hmm. We have a choice? Carl: You could drop your gun. Helen: [Chuckles] Or you could drop yours. Carl: Hmm. This isn't how I wanted it to end. Helen: Me, neither. Carl: I love you. Helen: I love you, too. Phoebe: Freeze them. Helen: One move, and you die. [SCENE_BREAK] Helen: Who are you? Who hired you? Piper: Who hired us? Carl: To take us out. We want names. Now! Piper: Billie, I don't really want to blow up your parents, but-- Billie: All right, stop it. This is crazy. You want to shoot me? Is that what you want to do? Helen: Easy, Billie. Billie: You already lost one daughter. You want to lose other one, too? Do you want to pull that trigger, Mom? It's not going to bring Christy back, and I know that's the one thing you want more than anything in this world. Why didn't you tell me you kept searching for her? Don't you think I needed to know, that I wanted to know? I was just a kid. I was scared and young, and I didn't know y better, and I thought you didn't care about me or her. And now, you're all I have left. Helen: Oh, Billie. I'm so sorry, baby. Paige: Hey, guess what, guys. I think I, um figured out how to clear their names. Did I miss something? Helen: Ohh, my baby. [SCENE_BREAK] Dalvos: First, I'd like to thank you all for coming on such short notice. Trust me, I wouldn't have dragged you all down here if it wasn't important. I won't be taking the company public after all. It's staying in the family, private. Just like Grant and his father wanted it to. Secondly, I wanted you all to know I'm not going to become the next chairman after all because... I'll be going to jail instead. [Alarmed murmurs] Piper as Dalvos: You see...I'm the one who shot Grant, not that girl's parents. I just made it look like they did because I wanted to take over the company. [SCENE_BREAK] Dalvos: Whoa. You scared me. What's wrong? demon nanny: What's wrong is it's over, Dalvos. 30 years of planning gone! Dalvos: What? How? demon nanny: Because the witches outsmarted us, that's how. They knew they couldn't vanquish you, so they ruined you instead. Destroyed your reputation. Now we're both ruined. Dalvos: So what does this mean? What do we do now? demon nanny: We tie up loose ends. [SCENE_BREAK] Phoebe: Ah, another day, another demon. Piper: Ah, did they print my speech? It was a good speech. Phoebe: Obviously. Too bad Mary Poppins got away. Piper: Yeah, well, don't worry about it. I'm sure we'll be seeing her again in about 30 years or so. Phoebe: Oh, we won't be doing this in another 30 years. They will. Piper: I wonder where we'll be. Phoebe: Well, my guess is you'll be sitting right there feeding your grandkids with Leo. Piper: Let's hope so. Phoebe: Piper, give yourself a break. It's going to take some time, you know. And you have to allow yourself that time. Piper: Sounds like good advice. Did you have any for the twins? Phoebe: Actually, I did. I suggested that she move out of the house, get her own space. Piper: That's good advice. All right, buddy, let's go. What do you say? Watch your fingers, fingers, fingers. Come on, come on, come on. All righty. [SCENE_BREAK] Paige: Hey. Henry: Hey. Paige: Just a question. Why is it so hard for you to get close to people? Henry: Well, you don't beat around the bush, huh? Paige: Well I, um, figure since you stood me up, I can ask anything I want. I'm not mad or anything like that. I was just curious. Henry: I don't know. I think because I grew up in foster homes, you know, and I just bounced around. It made me not trust. You know, whenever I would get close to somebody, they would-- they would leave. I mean, really, I would leave. So now it's years later, and whenever I like someone.. I'm sorry. It's that fight-or-flight thing. Paige: There's nothing to be sorry for. But just so you know... you don't have to run from me. [SCENE_BREAK] Helen: You two. You fought like cats and dogs, you know. You were as wildly different as any 2 kids could ever be. And you were inseparable. Billie: We were? Helen: Oh, yeah. Of course, Christy loved to get you in trouble--a lot. It took your father and me a while to figure that one out. She was very sneaky that way. Billie: You know, I don't remember that much about her. There's little moments and things here and there, but most of what I remember of her I loved. Helen: Ah, honey... she adored you. She was very protective of you, too. Nobody could pick on you...except her. Billie: Why didn't you tell me you kept looking for her? Helen: I don't know. We should have. We just didn't know what to do. When it happened, we were devastated. Maybe it was wrong for all of us, but we made the choice to try and make life as normal as possible for you. We thought if we just didn't talk about it-- Billie: Mom, you know what? It's OK. I understand. Did you know Christy was a witch? I mean, that I was? Helen: Mm-hmm. Just like your grandmother. I guess it skipped a generation, huh? Billie: Yeah, lucky you. Helen: No, lucky you. You have a very special gift, Billie, one that you were meant to do great things with. I know that. Just embrace it. Billie: I'm going to find her, Mom. I promise. Helen: Well, maybe this will help. It's Christy's diary. We never could figure out what the last entry meant. Maybe you can. Be safe. Billie: Bye, Mom. Helen: Bye, baby.

Plan: A: her emotionally-distant parents; Q: Who arrives in town? A: town; Q: Where do Billie's parents arrive? A: her sister; Q: Who is Billie searching for? A: projection; Q: What power does Billie have? A: demonic assassins; Q: What does Billie accidentally turn her parents into? A: a major life choice; Q: What is Phoebe contemplating? A: Leo; Q: Who is Piper having a hard time adjusting to being gone? A: Paige; Q: Who gets closer to Henry? Summary: Billie is less than happy when her emotionally-distant parents arrive in town during her search for her sister. Things get trickier for her when she learns she now has the power of projection and accidentally turns her parents into demonic assassins who were sent to kill the CEO of a high profile business. As Phoebe contemplates a major life choice, Piper is having a hard time adjusting to Leo being gone, and Paige gets closer to Henry.

SCENE 1 : In the apartment of Will - Terri, Will and parents of Will Will and Terri to dinner Will's parents. Mrs Schuester : When did you start cooking,Terri? Terri : Oh, it's just hamburger casserole. Look out for bones. Will : I'm sorry. I, um... (Laughing.) I can't hold it in any longer. Um... Will rising with his glass Will : Mom, dad. Terri's pregnant. Terri : Will. Mrs Schuester : What? Will : It's a boy. Mrs Schuester : Oh! Our first grandbaby! Will's mother hugged him while his father kisses Terri. Mr Schuester : Oh, that's fantastic. Terri : Thank you, yeah. sweetheart. honey? Will : Yeah? Terri : ... I thought we weren't going to tell anybody yet. Mr Schuester : Oh your secret is safe with me. I spent six months In the Hanoi Hilton, never said a word. Am I right, doodle? Mrs Schuester : That's right, honey. Everyone smiled. Terri : Oh! Yeah, we're going to turn the craft room into the nursery. Mrs Schuester : Oh! Show me! Terri : Okay. The two women left the room while the men toast. Mr Schuester : I'm really happy for you, son. Will : Tell you the truth, i'm terrified. I don't know how to do this. Mr Schuester : No one does. Look at me. I was a mess. I worked all the time, traveling. I was too strict. Will : Okay, you're not instilling With a great deal of confidence here, dad. (Sighs) I mean, i'm already up all night thinking about this. Mr Schuester : That's my fault! ...The confidence thing. Boys learn that ... Will : No. Mr Schuester : ....from their fathers. I started at zuckerman and zuckerman in college. I needed some extra cash. I was saving up...for law school. But i never went. I never even applied. Didn't have the balls. So, I settled for insurance. I mean, who was I to become a lawyer? Will : You would have been a great one. Mr Schuester : You're the smartes guy i know. It's not about brains, son. Being a good father... hell, being a man. Is all about one thing: Guts. And you've got about six months to figure out if you have any. Will ponder the words of his father. SCENE 2 : Repetition's room - Will and Glee Club Will repeat doing choreography at the Club. Will : 5,6 ... 7 and 8.... step and step. Step and step. And turn it around. Down and up. And hit, hit... down... hit... Rachel stopping. Rachel : Can we stop, please? Will : You don't have to ask me every time for permission to go To the bathroom, rachel. you can just go. Rachel : It's not my bladder. It's the choreography. Will be back to fix it. Will : Okay, what's wrong with the choreography? [Flash back] A few hours earlier, Quinn and Santana steins Rachel in the hallways of the school to talk about choreography. Quinn : It sucks. Santana : It's completely unoriginal. Rachel : Are you guys going to get shunned for talking to me? Quinn : Sweetie, we're a team now. But you've got to do something about Mr Shue's dance routines. [Back to reality] Rachel still set Will . Rachel : We can't compete with vocal adrenaline with these steps. You're a great vocal coach, mr. shue, But you're not a... a trained choreographer. That's what we need to be the best. We need Dakota Stanley. [Flash back] A few hours earlier, Rachel always stuck with Quinn and Santana. Quinn : He's the best show choir choreographer in the midwest. We Works with vocal adrenaline. You can't take regionals without him. He was the understudy to the candelabra in « Beauty and the Beast » on Broadway [Back to reality] Will : Just because he understudied doesn't mean he ever performed. Quinn : Did you ever perform, Mr. Schuester? After high school. did you even try? SCENE 3 : Emma's Office- Will and Emma Will pacing in the office of Emma while she cleans his plant. Will : I wanted to. that was my dream, you know? I ... I just never had... Emma : The guts? They say it takes more certainty than talent to be a star. I mean, look at, um... Look at john stamos. Will : I don't know. Will sitting. Will : I guess I'm also just nervous about being a dad. You know, I want my kid to be proud of me. I want to set a good example, you know? Emma nodded. Will : I... I hope it's cool ....me unloading on you like this. I don't want there to be any awkwardness. Emma : Oh, no. no, none at all. I mean, you know, especially since We're, um, we're both in relationships now. It's both of us Will : Right. Emma : I'm in a relationship. you're in a relationship. Will : Exactly, yeah. How's it going with ken? Emma : Great. it's great. it's wonderful. I mean, you know, he's .... he's flawed, But he .... he knows who he is, and that's ..... that's great. And there really is. Nothing sexier in a man than confidence, you know? Will : Hum! Hum! Emma smiling while Will does not know what to say. SCENE 4 : Rest room - Will, Ken, Sandy, Howard and Henry. Ken in the fridge while Will will sit down with Sandy. Will : Sandy! I thought you weren't allowed d wed on campus. Sandy : No, william. I'm not allowed within 50 feet of children. Besides, Henri and I go way back. I got him a job before we even had a shop class. I told figgins that you are going to have a school Full of nancies unless you get some hot wood. In those teenagers' hands. Ken : Here comes henri. Will : Ah, shoot. Terri was supposed to bring a cake. Henry entered the room with bandages on his hands. Henry : I'm back. Henry has more inches, and in that moment, Will tells us what happened and you see the accident. Thought Will : «Henri had a little problem with over-the-counter cough medicine. (Whirr, Crack) He ended up cutting off his thumbs. It was a real tragedy. » Henry sitting at table with Will, Sandy and Ken. Henry : I'll never hitchhike across europe. That was a dream, man. Will : Hum! .... Sandy : Waouh! ... Howard, arriving with a cake shaped hands, the thumbs-up for Henry. Will : Where's Terri? Howard : Doing inventory. I can't count higher than 30. Will and others, surprised by the shape of the cake. Moments later, all enjoying the cake table. While on his side, Henry is struggling to serve those covered before the eyes of others saddened. He ended up eating at the source without cutlery. Will : You know, This is nice. I can't remember the last time. I just hung out with the guys. Really talked about our feelings. Ken : Want to know what i'm feeling? I live at the ymca. i only have one pair of long pants. Sandy : Oh, please. my life is a disaster with no creative outlet other than writing my Desperate Housewives fan fiction. Howard : I'm afraid of my vacuum. Will : I know how you guys feel. I apparently don't know how to dance. Henry : I don't have thumbs. Henry crying. Will : Um.... Sorry. All the guys give him a slap. While Sandy begins to sing. Then the others follow. Will : Hey, that was pretty good. SCENE 5 : Will apartment - Will, Terri, Ken, Howard, Henry and Sandy Will and Acafellas - Song : This is how we do it Will, in his apartment singing and dancing with the guys. Thought Will : « Two weeks ago, I would have agreed that four grown men rehearsing a capella hip-hop in my living room was embarrassing. but busting out some white-hot new jack swing... I'll tell u, I've never felt more confident .... » Ken : ... Testostertones. Thought Will : « ...was more manly. and then we heard a single word leave howard's lips, and we knew we had our name. » Howard : ... Acafelllas. Then someone knocked on the door. Sandy : I'm ready for my close-up, Mr Demille. Will : Sandy, we voted. when you're in the group, it's creepy. Sandy : Wait. I... Will he slammed the door in his face. Will : Hum! ... Will starts to sing, when Terri gown, tumbling into the room furious. Terri : Will! If I don't get some sleep, I could miscarry. Will : I'm sorry, Terri. I'll be right in. Terri : I hope so. Will putting these guys at the door, and then Terri and Will making love to death. Thought Will : « Being in a boy band did wonders for our love life. Seeing me feel so good about myself made my wife more attracted to me in every way.» Terri : Hum! Terri trying to get pregnant, but could not. Thought Will : «It was amazing. I mean, we started doing it once a week. It was like she was trying to make a twin. » Terri : Mm... SCENE 6 : Repetition's room - Glee Club Rachel, coming with cakes, while the Glee observed. Rachel : He's not coming. Finn : What happened? [Flash Back] Some time rather in a classroom, Will sat at his desk, while Rachel gives her cakes. Rachel : They're my famous sugar cookies. I bake them for the poor during christmastime, But I whipped up a special batch Just for you. I wanted to say how sorry. I was for what i said. Will : Don't be. you were right. You know, the truth is, rachel, if you weren't so hard on me, I never would have had the guts to start acafellas. Rachel : But we need you, Mr Shue. You've missed six rehearsals in the past couple of weeks, And when you're there, you're not really there. Will : Which is why I think you should go ahead and hire montana. Rachel : Dakota. Will : Whatever. Will rising. Will : You know, I'll still be there to help you guys sing and stuff, But, uh, I just don't have time for all of it anymore. Will going off and slapping Rachel. [Back to reality] Finn : Of course he doesn't want Anything to do with us after you kicked him in the nads. Rachel : Then why did he thank me? Santana : The goal is to win. And now that Mr Schuester has agreed To let us hire dakota stanley, We can. Finn : But he doesn't want us to. he just doesn't have The confidence to coach us anymore. Guys are real sensitive when it comes to this kind of stuff. Rachel : And that's my fault? Finn : Do you see anyone else in here With a plate of "I'm sorry" cookies? Quinn rising. Quinn : I don't .... just you. I'm bored. All those in favor of hiring dakota stanley? Everyone raises a hand except Finn. SCENE 7 : School corridor - Exterior - Finn and Rachel Rachel upset while leaving the Finn follows. Finn : Hey, wait up. You can't do this to Mr Schuester. Rachel : What? Make him a hero? Once we hire dakota and win nationals. He'll thank me for it. You heard santana. It's all about winning. Finn : Since when? Rachel : Look, you have your popular clique and your football And your cliche of a blond girlfriend. Glee is my one shot. If this doesn't work out, then my whole high school life will be nothing but an embarrassment. Finn : What's a cliche? Is that a bad thing? Wait, wait, wait, wait... Finn himself blocking the road. Finn : Wait! Where you're pissed about one thing, but you're just pretending. Like you're pissed about something else? 'cause... Rachel : I don't know what you're talking about. Finn : Well, for a while there, you were kind of all over me. And now you just yell at me all the time. It makes me think that you're still upset About what happened in the auditorium. Rachel : I'm not. Rachel went away. Rachel : I've moved on and i'm bousingo on my career now. Finn : So you want to talk about it? Rachel turned. Rachel : No. And neither do you. It's kind of ironic how you're Mr Popular.And I'm just this no body that everybody makes fun of, but I have enough confidence to say out loud. That what happened between us in the auditorium was real. You have feelings for me and you just don't have the guts to admit it. We're hiring dakota stanley. Finn does not know what to say, let her go when suddenly, he replies. Finn : Even if it means me quitting? Rachel stops. Rachel : Yes. Rachel, going away and leaving him alone. SCENE 9 : Office Sue's - Sue, Quinn and Santana Sue making her rowing while the two girls sat and told him the events. Sue : It's a good start. You're sewing the seeds of destruction. Santana : Mr Schuester barely even shows up for rehearsals. Sue : Oh, no, no, no. "barely" will not cut it. I will not be satisfied until glee club is disbanded. And what about this dakota character? Any chance he actually helps? Quinn : Hum! ... (Laughting) ... They're soft. He'll eat them alive. I give them 15 minutes before the first one quits Or tries to commit suicide. Sue exits his rowing machine and sitting in front of them. Sue : You know, ladies... I learned a lot in special forces. I was on the strike team in panama When we extracted noriega. We took out the shepherd... Then we went after the sheep. You need to go after these glee clubbers One by one. I want my full budget restored. Quinn and Santana approving. Sue : I need a fog machine. SCENE 9 : School Corridor - Mercedes, Kurt, Puck, Santana and Quinn Mercedes, melancholy look at the couples parades in the corridors along the lockers. It focuses on the couple Santana / Puck who laugh and kiss her a few steps, then Kurt appears and goes into his locker. Mercedes : Kurt. ... Have you ever kissed anybody? Kurt : Yes. If by someone you mean the tender crook of my elbow. Kurt is recovering from the lacquer. Kurt : No, I haven't. But I want to. All right, stop it right there, mercedes. We are in glee club. That means we are at the bottom of the social heap. Special ed kids will get more play than we will. The only thing that gets me by is my knowledge that we are superior to all of them. Mercedes smiled as he drives it in the corridors. Kurt : What are you wearing on our operation dakota stanley field trip? Mercedes : Is there a dress code? Kurt : No, but every moment of your life is an opportunité for fashion. We'll hit the mall after school. Meet me at lunch. Mercedes : Okay. Kurt went away. While Quinn and Mercedes Santana rushes. Quinn : You should totally scoop that. Mercedes : Hum! ... I don't think i'm his type. Quinn : Oh, i think you are. Santana agrees. Quinn : Just follow our lead. We've got your back. SCENE 10 : Bar des sports - Acafellas, Emma, Terri, Figgins and parents of Will. Acafellas - Chanson : Poison The Acafellas occurring for the first time on stage. Emma's urging while Terri bored. Moreover, Figgins is there and pleasantly surprised. At the end of the song, the audience applauds warmly with Emma. Emma : Yay.... Ken .... Ken Tanaka. Thought Will : « In my own little way, I felt like i was finally...a star.» Moments later, the father of Will distributing CDs with his group's parent. Mr Schuester : Thank you so much. Suddenly, Will appears. Mrs Schuester : Acafellas! Hey! Son, this is huge. Will : Oh! .... Mrs Schuester : Ah! .... Will the parents take pride in their arms to him. Mr Schuester : We just sold all 17 copies of your cd. Mrs Schuester : I didn't even have to show any of them my bosoms. Mr Schuester : Doodle honey, you go get yourself a sanka. Mrs Schuester : Yeah. Okay. Will : Thanks, mom. Good job. Will's mother leaves. Will joins in the bars of his father. Mr Schuester : I bought one for my grandson. So he can hear for himself How good his old man was. Will : Ah! ... Figgins appeared at that time. Figgins : Shue, that was an amazing performance. Will : Oh, thank you. I mean, we're just starting out, so... Figgins : Look, there's a pta meeting next thursday night And i want acafellas to be the main event. Will and his father very surprised but happy about the situation. Figgins : I need those parents happy. They found out we've been serving Their children prison food. Will : uh-huh. Figgins goes to Will and his father speechless. Mr Schuester : Great job, son. Will kissing his father. SCENE 11 : Rest room - Acafellas Will and his group sitting at table, while Will reads the newspaper. Will : Well... "Is it too soon to call Will Schuester the next michael buble? The audience last thursday at benchwarmers sports bar didn't think so.And ken tankas smoky baritone is like a cool fog that sweeps over a deep ocean of emotional intensité. A big thumbs-up to Henry St Pierre who proves you don't need all ten fingers to pluck a lady's heartstrings like a well-tuned sexy harpsichord. Only howard..." Uh, sorry, howard. They didn't say anything about you. "Buckle up, Ohio. are you ready for a new musical sensation? You'd better be, because here come the acafellas." Will congratulations from his friends. Ken : Yeah! Sandy enters. Will : Ah! Ah! Ah! ... Sandy : Oh, congratulations. On your dead tree valentine, gentlemen. By the way, I want in. Stop right there, william. I've got two words for you. Josh Groban. He's coming to the PTA event. Howard : Who is Josh Groban? Sandy : Who is Josh Groban?! Kill yourself! He is an angel sent from heaven To deliver platinum records unto us. And if he were here right now, I would club you to death with his critics' choice award. Ken : Why would he come to our show? Sandy : Because I invited him. Josh and I have become frequent pen pals Since he accidentally friended me on myspace. And being my close personal confidant, He is only interested if I am in the group. Will : No, Sandy. We have standards. Sandy : Okay, fine. But just so you know, the blogs are all atwitter. They say he's looking for an opening act. All are very surprised and interested. SCENE 12 : Rehearsal Hall of Vocal Adrenaline - Kurt, Girls of Glee Club, Vocal Adrenaline and Dakota Stanley Kurt, standing in the street of the building with his new car. The girls are very surprised. Mercedes : Damn, kurt, this car is fly. Kurt : My dad got it for my sweet 16. After I swore to stop wearing formfitting sweaters That stop at the knee. What he doesn't know doesn't hurt him. Kurt is one at this moment. Kurt : What he doesn't know doesn't hurt him. Kurt closing its 4x4 then all head to the room. Quinn : Are we even sure they're rehearsing today? Rachel : Vocal adrenaline rehearses every day from 2:30 until midnight. As they advance, Kurt takes the arm of Mercedes. Mercedes : I'm just so nervous these Vocal Adrenaline kids are gonna laugh at us. They're so cool and popular, and we look like we just stepped off the short bus. Kurt : Those sweaty nazis have just had more time to practice. We have more heart. And you don't look touched in the head. That outfit is amazing. Mercedes smile, then look at the girls, Quinn and Santana, who encourage the eye to talk to Kurt. Mercedes : So, would you ever, .. You know, want to hang out? Kurt : Come over. It's Liza Minnelli week on amc! Rachel : Guys! That's andrea cohen. she won outstanding Soloist last year at absolutely tampastic. Two young girls on the outside, one is throwing up. Girl of Vocal Adrenaline : You can't ... leave rehearsals for any reason. That includes heat exhaustion or crohn's disease. Rachel approaching. Rachel : Are you guys Vocal Adrenaline? We'd like to talk to Dakota Stanley about choreography for our Glee Club. Andrea Cohen : Don't! He's a monster. Vocal Adrenaline - Song : Mercy In the rehearsal room, the Glee Club is attending a rehearsal of Vocal Adrenaline. They are completely stunned by their performance. Dakota Stanley : Get off my stage! Moments later, Rachel continues Dakota until his car. Rachel : Mr Stanley! We're the McKinley High Glee club. Dakota : No interviews. Tina : We'd like you to choreograph for us. Dakota : Look, my fee is $8,000 per number, Plus a $10,000 bonus if you place in the top three. And with Dakota Stanley at the wheel, you will place at the top three. Move it. Dakota went away. Rachel : How are we gonna get $8,000? SCENE 13 : Repetition's room- Will, Ken, Howard and Emma Will repeat by Ken a few dance steps. Will : Kick that way and back. You kick out... hold on. hold on. Ken : Okay, one more. Will : Okay. Kick out. Right behind you. It's all right. Ken : Oh! ... Where is everybody? Will : .... Hum! ... Sandy went to get Henry from wood shop. Will the phone rings and he answers. Will : And, oh, there's howard. (Phone.) « Hello. » Howard (Phone.) : « Will, I don't think i can be in the band anymore. » Will (Phone.) : « What? » Howard (Phone.) : « I'm doing inventory. It was never my dream. » Howard desperate clinging to Will. Ken : What? Will : Hum! ... Howard's out. Ken : Oh, that ... Emma enters the room. Ken : ... that's just great. What's he... Ken sees Emma and Will. Ken : Hey. Emma. You didn't, uh, see me dancing earlier did you? Emma : oh, is that what that was? Look, i have some bad news. Ken : You're breaking up with me. What, here? In front of another dude? Emma : No, look, please stop talking. Um, no, look, I think the Acafellas pressure has proven to be a little bit too much for Henry. Will : Really, why? Emma : Well, he just downed six bottles of cough syrup, which is a lot, even for him. Um, he's okay. Sandy's in the emergency room with him now, but Figgins is insisting before he comes back; and can be around kids again, that he goes to rehab. So that's where he's going tomorrow morning. Will and Ken helpless. Ken : That's just great. So acafellas is officially doomed now. You know, uh, when I get stressed, i ..., I work out. You can probably tell. So I'm gonna, uh, down some power bars. Knock offa few reps. Come up with some solutions here. Ken went away. Will : It was fun while it lasted. Emma : I don't think you should give up so easy, Will. You know, they said van halen was dead. After David Lee Roth quit, but my worn-out single of "Right now" says that they were wrong. Emma went away. SCENE 14 : Classroom - Will and Finn Will typing on his computer. Someone knocks and enters. Finn : You got a sec, Mr Shue? Will : Yeah, of course. what's up? Finn : I just want to tell you that I'm quitting glee, too. Will : Oh! ... I didn't quit glee. Finn : Well, you might as well have. It's nutty in there. I try and talk sense into Rachel. But she's gone all chick-batty. I gotta be honest with you. It's hard being the quarterback when i get in the huddle and all the guys are calling me "deep throat." Glee's bringing down my rep, man. Will : Have the guts to stick with it a little bit longer. You are a gifted performer, Finn. you can't quit now. If you do, you're just gonna regret it for the rest of your life. Trust me! I know. Finn : It's just not fun anymore. Will : Hey, Finn, wait. There's something I want to talk to you about. SCENE 15 : Cloakroom - Ken, Puck, Santana and Mrs H. Ken, while sitting between Puck. Puck : Hey, coach. Ken : What do you want, Puckerman? Puck : I hear there's a vacancy in your a capella group. I want to offer my services. I play guitar. And actually, I'm a really good singer. There are a lot of moms at your gigs, right. Thought Puck : «Well, here's the thing you should know about me: I'm not like everybody else in this crappy cow town. I've got star potential, and more specifically, I'm tired of wasting my time with high school girls. » [Flash back] Puck in the corridors of the school facing Santana. Puck : You're breaking up with me? Santana : Mm... Puck : Why? Santana : Your credit score is terrible. What i need as a woman is financial security. Santana leaving. Thought Puck : «See, young girls will shoot you down and make you feel terrible about yourself... » Puck with an older woman near a Jacuzzi. Thought Puck : «....but a cougar never disappoints. » Puck : Thanks, Mrs. H. Mrs H. : Is that a nipple ring? Puck : Yeah, I'm kinda rock and roll. Mrs H. : I need your help unclogging my bathtub drain. Thought Puck : «The proof was in the sexual pudding. My above-ground pool cleaning business went through the roof once I embraced my gift for music and gave these fine ladies the romance they were missing. I also stopped beating people up so much. » [Back to reality] Puck : When do we start rehearsals? Ken grabbing by Puck the jersey. Ken : Now you listen to me, you little psychopath. My love life is hanging by a thread and that thread is Acafellas. It drives my girlfriend nuts in the pants. So if you screw this up for me, I swear to you I will stick my fist So far down your throat, you will taste my armpit hairs. Do I make myself clear? Puck : Hum! Hum!... Ken : Good. We rehearse Tuesdays and thursdays at 8:00. Don't be late. Ken releasing it then goes away. SCENE 16 : Repetition's room - Will, Puck and Finn. Will playing the guitar, while showing some finn not Puck. Will : Okay! Puck : Come on. Finn jostling Puck, Puck and then pounces on him. Will stop playing. Puck : Dude, my bowels have better moves than you. Will : Guys, stop. You guys got the steps down. You just need to relax, okay? Um, you guys play baseball, right? What does your coach tell you about hitting? Puck : "if you charge the pitcher, bring the bat." Will : Okay, um, but i'm sure he also tells you to relax, right? Cause hitting's all about the hips, right? You gotta loosen them up. Will showing the footwork of baseball, then the other two shackle. Will : Just swing that bat. All right, pretend, Acafellas, Madison Square Garden. Here we are. all those beautiful ladies out there. You swing that big ol' bat. bam! Hit some home runs, all right, guys? All right. (Chuckles) Now let's try it from the top, okay? Here we go. Will takes up the guitar for Puck and Finn dance. Will : Five, six, seven, eight. Yeah. Aw, yeah. Yeah, get those hips into it. That's it! that's it! all right! Uh! [SCENE_BREAK] Puck and Finn welcome a pat hand and Will. Will : Yeah! Finn : That baseball thing sure was good, Mr Shue. Puck : Totally. That was awesome. SCENE 17 : School Corridors- Mercedes, Tina and Rachel Ringer High School - Mercedes in his locker, while Rachel and Tina accost. Rachel : We need to have a gayvention. That's a gay intervention. Tina : It's k...k..kurt. He's lady fabulous. It's obvious you like him. Rachel : We just don't want you to get hurt by feelings. He can't reciprocate. Mercedes : Look, just because he wear nice clothes doesn't mean. He's on the down-low. Rachel : He wore a corset to second period today. Tina : You can do better, Mercedes. Mercedes : Really? Well, what if I can't? There's not a lot of guys around here knocking down my door for a date. Or yours, for that matter. Nobody notices us. Hello? We're in glee club. And I'm tired of being lonely. Aren't you? But kurt... Kurt is sweet to me, and he likes who I am, and I like how I feel when i'm with him. And he's in our group, he understands what I'm going through. Now, maybe that's not enough for you guys, but it's enough for me. Rachel and Tina remain voiceless, while Mercedes is going. SCENE 18 : High School-Exterior - Glee Club, Emma and Sue. Everyone washes cars to pay Dakota. Emma Sue approach the scene looks exasperated. Emma : You know what, Sue? I got to say, I really misjudged you. Getting the cheerios to help out with the Glee Club choreographer fund-raiser is one of the nicest things. I've ever seen. Sue : Well, Erma, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this Glee Club successful. Boys : Come on! Emma : Ooh! So excited. Oh, I love a car wash, too, though, you know. When I was little, if I got all "a"s. My dad would let me wash his car, so I'd get my little toothbrush out, and I'd clean it all weekend long. Sue : You know, the way you use your mental illness to help these kids is really inspiring. I'm shocked you're not married. Emma left speechless. While for their part, Mercedes and Kurt Kurt's car wash that shines. Mercedes : Your rims are clean. We've polished them, like, three times already. Kurt : Did you bring a change of clothes? Because we're going straight to sing-along sound of music. Mercedes : So, listen, Kurt, This is like the third time we've gone out. Can we just make it official? Kurt : Make what official? Mercedes : You know, that we're dating. Kurt : I'm sorry, Mercedes, But I thought I made it very clear. I'm in love with someone else. Kurt fixing Finn, but Rachel is when Mercedes is looking in the opposite direction of Kurt. Mercedes : Rachel! Kurt : Yes. For several years now. Mercedes, mad with rage, sends a stone in the windshield of Kurt. Mercedes - Song : Bust Your Window Mercedes began to sing and dance crazy with rage against Kurt. Kurt : You busted my window. How could you do that? You busted my window! Mercedes : Well, you busted my heart. Mercedes before Kurt went away stunned. SCENE 19 : Repetition's room - Glee Club and Dakota Stanley Dakota submitting a paper to each member of the Glee Club. Dakota : Okay, please examine your personalized menus. This is what you're going to be eating for the next six months. Mercedes : Um, mine just says coffee. Dakota : Hum! Hum! Rachel : What's smelt? Dakota : A pungent low-carb freshwater fish. Okay, let's start with today's business. Artie, you're cut. Artie : You're not. Dakota : Trying hard enough at what? At walking. we can't be wheeling you around during every number. It throws off the whole dynamic, and it's depressing. Mercedes : So, you're kicking him out? Dakota : Mm-hmm. Also you. ouse got to go, Effie. Mercedes : Oh! ... Dakota : No, no, no. Yeah. Kurt : You can't kick people out of Glee Club because you don't like the way they look. Dakota : Uh, why don't you shut your face-gash and stay away from aerosol cans because you could burst into flames at any second? You three ...you're great. you're perfect. Seriously. don't change thing. Uh, you..... ew, nose job. Finn : Now just hold on a second. What? Dakota : What was that, frankenteen? Why don't you, uh, wipe that Dopey look off your face and get some lotion for those knuckles you've been dragging on the ground? Finn : What's wrong with you? Dakota : What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me is that you're freakishly tall. I feel like a woodland Creature. Um, am I hurting your feelings? Did I say something wrong? Because I thought you wanted somebody who respected you enough to tell you the truth. But maybe you don't have the confidence to hear it, hmm? Maybe you need somebody who's going to Lie to you and tell you things like, "you got what it takes." But you know what? As far as I can see, you don't. So, why don't you just take a little second, take a breather, and ask yourself, "do I want to be a winner..or not?" Finn : Screw this. I quit. Finn leaves followed by Tina. Artie : Me too Mercedes : Let's roll, Artie. Mercedes and Artie go too. Dakota : No. great, great. You know, separate the wheat from the chaff; that's perfect. Rachel : Wait. (Everyone stops.) Barbra streisand. When barbra was a young ingenue, everyone told her in order to be a star. She'd have to get a nose job. Thankfully, she refused. Dakota : Where's this going, yentl? Rachel : Where it's going is that... We don't need you. Let's face it. We're never going to be as good of dancers as Vocal Adrenaline. We're gonna win because... we're different. And that's what makes us special. Mercedes : They told J.Lo her booty was too big. Artie : Curtis Mayfield was more successful after he became paralyzed. Finn : Jim Abbot. Kurt : I have no idea who that is. Finn : He was a one-armed pitcher for the yankees. Pitched a no-hitter. Dakota : Okay, so, yeah. Misfits and spaz-heads and cripples can make it, too. That's great. What's your point? Rachel : Our point is that... you're fired. And I'm taller than you. The Glee Club smiled. Dakota : Mm... SCENE 20 : Wings - AcafellasKen on makeup before a mirror when Finn accosted. Finn : Wait, we have to wear mascara? Ken : Sandy says it makes our eyes pop. Finn leaving. Finn : Okay. Puck : There's a lot of moms out there, right? Will entering. Will : Guys, don't worry about it. Just get in the zone, all right? This is going to be fun. Believe me. You're going to remember this night for the rest of your lives. Will adjusting the costume Finn. Finn : Mr Schue. Will : I know, you're nervous. Finn : No, that isn't what I wanted to tell you. It's just... thanks. For believing in me. Sandy comes running. Sandy : He's here! He's here! Josh groban is here! Front row, big brown eyes, cute as a buttermilk biscuit. I barfed. Wait a minute. Will : He actually showed up? I can't believe it! Sandy : Gentlemen, forget every experience you have ever had in your drab little lives. This is the most important thing you will ever do. Places! SCENE 21 : Concert hall - Acafellas and Public Acafellas - Song : I Wanna s*x You Up The Acafellas on stage before an audience very enthusiastic. SCENE 22 : Wings - Acafellas, Josh Groban, Figgins and Flex. Sandy, covered with flowers, Figgins speaks with enthusiasm. Sandy : I would like to just go into the recording studio and lay some of those tracks down. Josh Groban and his bodyguard come but Sandy does not see it yet. Sandy : And of course I would love to play some bigger venues. Wembley Stadium, Red Rocks... Sandy turns. Sandy : Oh! Josh : Hey, guys, I'm Josh Groban. This is my bodyguard, Flex. We were in town. I was inducting Run-DMC. Into the rock and roll hall of fame last night, So I thought I'd stop by and say hello. So, which one of you is, uh... Sandy? Sandy raised her hand. Sandy : Ooh!...(Laughs) We are so honored that you came here today.Josh : I came here to tell you... Sandy : Yes, Sir? Josh : .... Stop emailing me. This is a restraining order. Stop sending me nude photos. Stop calling me. I don't know how you got my number! I don't know how you got my number again after I changed it, but I don't want any more. Of your edible gift baskets or locks of your hair. And I don't want to read any more of those sonnets you wrote for me. Flex : That stuff got crazy, dude. Everyone is shocked and disappointed. Josh : Are we clear? Sandy nodded. Josh : Thank you, gentlemen. And by the way, great show. The Acafellas smile. Josh : I mean, like, ....Explosive. Will : Thanks. Sorry. Josh and his guard are gone. SCENE 23 : Parking - Will, Terri and his father Will and his wife returning. Terri : I'm sorry, will. I... I could have been more supportive. You guys were actually pretty good. And you were good. Will : You were really good. Yeah? Terri : Yeah. Will giving his sash to his wife. Then he kisses his wife when his father approach. Mr Schuester : Don't bother. She's already pregnant. Hey, kids. Have you seen doodle? SCENE 24 : Wings - Mrs Schuester and Josh Mrs Schuester drunk listening Josh. Josh : Now, you might be thinking, why would a pop star like me come over here and talk to you? Well, let me tell you something. Throngs of screaming teenagers don't do it for Josh Groban. No. Josh Groban loves a blowsy alcoholic. Mrs Schuester : Oh. Oh, wow. You'll have to forgive me, ma'am. I'm a little bit drunk, and I'm afraid I'm not making good choices right now. SCENE 25 : Parking - Will, Terri and his father Always together. Terri : Maybe she slipped and hit her head again. Terri went away. Mr Schuester : You guys kicked some serious tail up there tonight. Will laughs. Mr Schuester : Sorry about the whole Josh Groban thing. Will : Nah, it's all right. How are the other guys taking it? Mr Schuester : That ryerson guy cried himself to sleep in figgins' arms and ken tanaka is raiding the nacho bar. What about you? Will : You okay? You know, dad... I am. I mean, this was all a dream come true, but... I'm a teacher. And a really good one. That's enough for me. Mr Schuester : I know. I saw the way your students look at you. You inspire people. You inspired me. Will : What do you mean? Mr Schuester : I'm going to law school. Night classes for now, Until I get all of my prerequisites, but I registered yesterday. You made me realize it's never too late Too grow a pair and go after your dream. Will : That's amazing, dad. That's so amazing! Will clutching his father in his arms. SCENE 26 : School Corridors - Kurt and Mercedes Kurt in his locker, while the Mercedes approach. Mercedes : Hey, Kurt. I just wanted to say I'm really sorry I did that to your car. I'll pay for it to get fixed. Kurt : It's okay. My dad took my baby away after he found my tiara collection in my hope chest. Mercedes : And I just wanted to say I hope it works out between you and rachel. You'll have really cute, loud babies. Mercedes goes. Kurt : Mercedes. Mercedes returns. Kurt : I lied to you. I don't like rachel. I'm gay. Mercedes : Why didn't you just tell me? Kurt : Because I've never told anyone before. Mercedes : You shouldn't be ashamed of who you are, Kurt. Kurt crying. Mercedes : You should just tell people, especially the kids in Glee. The whole point of the club is about expressing what's really inside you, remember? Kurt : I can't. I'm just not that confident, I guess. Kurt went away. SCENE 27 : Office Sue's - Sue, Quinn and Santana Sue, angry face sitting Quinn and Santana. Sue : Let me get this straight. The Glee Club got rid of Dakota Stanley. Mr Schuester is back and ey're busy at work on a new number, more confident than ever. SCENE 28 : Repetition's Room- Will and Glee Club The Glee Club repeating Will a new choreography. Will : And down... clap, and up, clap, clap. Down, clap, and up, clap, clap. SCENE 29 : Office Sue's- Sue, Quinn and Santana Sue, still angry, scolds his daughters. Sue : This is what we call a total disaster, ladies. I'm going to ask you to smell your armpits. Quinn and Santana running Sue : That's the smell of failure. And it's stinking up my office. I'm revoking your tanning privilèges for the rest of the semester. Santana, in tears, followed by leaves Quinn pauses. Quinn : Mrs Sylvester, I want to thank you. Sue : For what? Quinn : For teaching me a valuable life lesson. When you really believe in yourself, you don't have to bring other people down. Quinn goes under the very eyes of Sue. SCENE 30 : Repetition Room's - Will and Glee Club Will continue to repeat the Glee Club. Will : Uh, uh, step, ball change and head. Step, ball change and head. Low and up. Low and high! Oh, what do you guys think? Rachel :Mr Schuester. Wil : Yes. Rachel. Rachel : It was really good. Everyone smiled and clapped. Will : Thank you. Thank you. Okay.

Plan: A: the "Acafellas; Q: What is the name of the all-male a cappella group that Will forms? A: two; Q: How many members quit the Acafellas? A: Puck; Q: Who is Finn's best friend? A: Mark Salling; Q: Who is Puck? A: an album; Q: What does the group record? A: celebrity guest Josh Groban; Q: Who was the celebrity guest at the PTA meeting? A: New Directions; Q: What is the name of the glee club? A: choreography; Q: What do the club members struggle with? A: sabotage; Q: What do the cheerleaders try to do to the glee club? A: Dakota Stanley; Q: Who is the well-known choreographer that the club briefly hires? A: abilities; Q: appearances and __________. A: Mercedes; Q: Who harbors romantic feelings for Kurt? Summary: Will forms an all-male a cappella group called the "Acafellas", neglecting the glee club in favor of dedicating his time to the new endeavor. After two of its members quit, glee club member Finn and his best friend Puck ( Mark Salling ) join. The group records an album and performs at the school PTA meeting in front of celebrity guest Josh Groban , but Will ultimately recommits to New Directions. In his absence, the club members struggle with choreography, and resist attempts at sabotage by members of the cheer squad. They briefly hire well-known choreographer Dakota Stanley, but fire him when he belittles their appearances and abilities. Mercedes harbors romantic feelings for Kurt, who comes out to her as gay .

Man's Voice yelling: Who in the f*ck stole my good clothes? [crow cawing] Phil Collins: Hey Rand! Randy: Hey Phil. Phil Collins: Don't know if I ever introduced you, but this is my son Jacob. Randy: He's your son? Jacob: Randy, it's good to meet you. Randy: Good to meet ya. Phil Collins: Go see Ray man and get the water and the power hooked up. Aren't ya glad to be here? Jacob: Yeah, is Julian around? Phil Collins: Don't worry about that now. Get going. Kids. Come on, I want to show you something. Have I got a business proposition for you buddy. Randy: Nice. Phil Collins: And this baby is going to do it for us. It'll make us a fortune. Let me show you inside. Randy: Nice camper, Phil. Phil Collins: Man, this is what I'm talking about. I'm going to open my own chip wagon. We're going to be partners. Burgers, cheeseburgers. Randy: What the frig's going on in there? [yelling] Phil Collins: Why are they busting Lahey's cock? Randy: What the frig's going on here, Ted? Ted: Randy. It's okay, Lahey just had a few drinks. It's not what it looks like. Randy: A few drinks? George: It's okay Randy. We just want to talk for a minute, okay? [sound of groaning] George: Geez, the stink of barbeque sauce in this Phil Collins: [burping loudly] George: Shut your, shut up Randy! Randy: Mr. Lahey! Mr. Lahey! Phil Collins: Cocksuckers. George: Awful fat now, isn't it? Ted: George, what the f*ck are we doing? George: Taking care of business Ted. Phone books don't leave any marks. Ted: sh1t. Ted: George, what are you doing? Haven't we done enough? George: You want to do some time, Ted? Come on, we're ending this, right now. Ted: I don't believe this. [music] [sound of go cart] Bubbles: Cock-knuckles. Oh, for f*ck's sakes. [sound of sniffing] Hello? Mr. Lahey, is everything alright in there? [coughing] Boys! Phil! Phil, wake up. Randy! Randy! Lahey! My god! Crazy liquor and cheeseburger party. Ray: You got any problems with anything, just don't f*cking call me, alright? Cause I don't, I just don't want to deal with anything [sound of crash] [sound of dog barking] Man: Have another drink Ray! Ray: Just gonna set you up here buddy. Here's your water and your power hook up. Sorry Jacob, listen buddy, welcome to the park. You and Phil Collins. I'm sure you're going to be very happy here. Jacob: Well thanks Ray. Ray: Okay buddy. Can you give me a hand with this f*cking door would ya buddy. Just push down on her, yeah, that's all you have to do. Jacob: Where does Julian live around here? Ray: He's over there somewhere buddy. Take a walk around, make yourself at home. Remember what I said. What did I say? Jacob: Don't call you if there's any problems. Ray: Got it. Julian: We've got to start making some money so I can pay some bills man. Ricky: No sh1t. Julian: I've got an idea. I don't want you freaking out. We can move a lot of dope at the bowling alley in the mall. A lot Ricky. Ricky: The bowling alley again? Julian: Yeah. Ricky: Julian, it sells for six bucks a gram. Julian: I know, I know, I know. But you can buy kush off the cops for nine bucks a gram. Kush Ricky, that's primo weed. We got to at least lower the price or something man. Ricky: I don't care about all these fancy dopes. My dope's as good as that stuff. I'm not going less than ten. You're lucky I want to do ten. Ten is being more than fair here. Bubbles: Boys! Boys! Come on, I need your help. [SCENE_BREAK] Ricky: Bubbles, what is going on? We can't understand you. Come in here. Bubbles: Julian, three men, liquor party. Gone awry barbeque. Burgers, god-damned greasy horror show. Burgers. Liquor everywhere. Come on. [coughing] Ricky: What the f*ck went on in here? Bubbles: Some kind of a crazy liquor cheeseburger party Ricky. Julian: Let's get them outside boys, come on! Phil Collins: [very loud burp] Julian: Bubbles, you gotta get Randy out of the way. Come on! Bubbles: He's too fat. Ricky: Can you guys give me a f*cking hand in here? Come on, f*cking help me. Phil Collins: [loud burp] Ricky: Watch out. He's got methadone gases, he's going to blow up. Phil Collins: [loud burping] Ricky: Jesus, the smell of liquor and barbeque sauce boys, f*ck, I can't take it. Bubbles: Boys, they breathed in a lot of carbon monoxide. We're going to have to give them mouth to mouth. Ricky: I'm not f*cking kissing these guys. Julian: Ricky, it's not kissing them. It's saving their lives. We gotta do this. Ricky: I'm not doing it here in the open where people can see. Let's get the f*cking wheelbarrow and move them somewhere. Julian: Alright, we'll take them back to your place. But let's hurry up, we're wasting time. Bubbles: Let's load em up! Bubbles: Okay, who gets who in here? Ricky: I'll tell you right now, there's no way I'm doing that sh1t on Phil Collins. Julian: Alright, we'll draw cigarettes then. Ricky: Those are my cigarettes. Julian: Shut up Ricky! Bubbles: How does this work Julian? Julian: Okay, the short one gets Phil. Ricky: Oh, thank f*ck! Bubbles: Oh dear. Oh, for f*ck's sake. I can't do it on Phil. He smells like mackerel. Julian: Do you want Randy or Lahey? Ricky: f*cking take Lahey, I guess. Bubbles: Idea boys. Here. Take the tin foil. Poke a hole in it. Put it over their mouth, that way there's no lip to lip contact. Ricky: Great idea Bubbles, great idea. Bubbles: Okay boys, look. Pinch the nose, tilt the head back, muckle on and start blowing air into them. Lucy: Oh my god, what happened? Ricky: Crazy cheeseburger party got out of hand Lucy. Call an ambulance right now. Bubbles: You gotta keep driving the air out of them boys. Phil Collins: [very loud burp] Bubbles: Jesus Christ! Phil exploded. [sound of coughing] Ricky: What a stink! Oh my f*ck, it worked. Get some fresh air you f*cking dummies. What were you doing barbequing? Bubbles: Come on Phil, you big gurgling b*st*rd! Ricky: Come on Lahey. Bubbles: My f*ck! Ricky, do I got mackerel juice on me? Jim Lahey: Thanks Ricky. Julian: Here, have a drink Jim. Jim Lahey: Thanks Julian but no thanks. Julian: So what the hell happened to you guys? Jim Lahey: The last thing I remember was Ted and George attacking me with phone books. They are going to pay dearly for this one. Randy: I was wondering what they were doing with those phone books. Jim Lahey: Randy, it's an old police tactic. Phone books don't leave a bruise. Lucy: But Jim, why would Ted and George want to beat you up? Jim Lahey: Cause I was supposed to do some paperwork for them last night and I didn't. Julian: Paperwork? Jim Lahey: Guys, they're on to you at the airport. They wanted me to process search warrants for your trailer, for J-Roc's and Lucy's. But I tore them up to protect you. Julian: Jesus Jim. Bubbles: Mr. Lahey, why would you go have a crazy cheeseburger liquor party and barbeque inside? It doesn't make sense. Jim Lahey: I wasn't barbequing inside Bubbles. Bubbles: Yes you were. The barbeque was laying right in the middle of the living room. Ricky: Look at your f*cking robe. There's still burn marks from the charcoal. Jim Lahey: Oh my god. They tried to kill me. Phil Collins: They tried to kill us Jimmy. They did. They're dirty f*cking cops. Jim Lahey: Jesus, shut the f*ck up Phil. And they tried to make it look like an accident. Bubbles: My god. Jim Lahey: Time to put on the gloves boys. We got two shiny sh1t badges to get rid of. And it's going to get messy. Bubbles: Excuse me, should I be treated too? I inhaled nebulized mackerel juice. Ricky: I cannot f*cking believe Officers Cock-knuckles and Dickwad. When can they get another warrant? Jim Lahey: Tomorrow morning. Well boys, there is something we can do. But I'll be honest with you. It'd be dangerous. Perhaps even life threatening. Problem is, we need someone to put it on the line. Someone with nothing to lose. Someone with absolutely no hope. Ray: Jesus Jimmy. What the hell happened here buddy? Jacob: Dad, you're a good man. Why would the police try to kill you? Phil Collins: Those dirty cops didn't want any witnesses. Dirty pricks. Not all cops are like that though son. Julian: Hey, you got a hair cut didn't you? Jacob: Oh yeah. Julian: Looks cool man. Jim Lahey: Look, we got a lot of work to do here. We can talk about Jacob's hair later. We need evidence of George and Ted beating someone up. We gotta frame them. It's the only way. That's where you come in Ray. Ray: What do you mean, Jimmy? Jim Lahey: Ray, you're going to have to let Ted and George beat you up. Ricky: I'm not going to let my dad get beatened up. Jim Lahey: Listen, trust me, it's not going to hurt. Ray: Just a second now Rick. Just uh, let's hear him out. Uh, Jimmy, I'll tell ya one thing though. I'm not doing anything unless I get a bottle of liquor in front of me. I don't care what happens. Jim Lahey: Already thought of that Ray. Randy: That was my idea, Mr. Jim Lahey: Randy! Lucy: Jim! Randy: Lucy, let it go. Jim Lahey: Well? Ray: Well, I don't know if it's worth it for just a free bit of liquor Jim. Ricky: It's not Dad, it's stupid. Bubbles: Mr. Lahey, do you have access to Ray's drinking and driving records down at the police station there? Jim Lahey: Where you going with this Bubbs? Bubbles: One second. Ray, Shitty knows a lot of people. If we delete those records, he could probably get you a rig, we could get you on the road, Ray. This is a no-brainer. Ray: I don't know what you're talking about Bubbs. Bubbles: [whispering] Scrap metal. Mr. Lahey? Jim Lahey: Yes Bubbs. Bubbles: Well, I'm just thinking you know, you can delete those drinking and driving records for Ray, you got yourself a dealio! Jim Lahey: That's a pretty tall order Bubbles. Bubbles: Yeah, it's a tall order but if anyone can do it, you can. You're a powerful, powerful man, Mr. Lahey. Jim Lahey: You phone George. He'll believe it coming from you. [SCENE_BREAK] You say Ray found our three bodies, he's drunk, and he's saying he saw stuff. He'll come for sure then. Lucy: Okay. Ricky: f*ck, you got sweat all over me, you f*cking sweaty beach ball. Randy: Frig off Ricky. Ricky: Frig off Randy. Jacob: How much can you bench press Julian? Julian: A lot Jacob. Ricky: Look, f*cking Randy's getting high again. Jim Lahey: Randy. Maybe you could lay off the dope for a couple of minutes. I need two aluminum bats. Randy: There's two under Jim Lahey: Randy, go get em! Bubbles: Lahey! Do you even care your f*cking trailer is smoldering in here? Jim Lahey: Phil? Phil: Jacob, stop staring at Julian and make sure that fire is out. Jacob: Dad! Phil: Go, boy, go. Jim Lahey: Phil, I want you to go in there and make sure everything is exactly the same as when and Ted and George, now get the f*ck in there. Ray, when Ted and George get here, I want you to hint that you saw something. Now they're not going to do anything til they're sure what you know. Then, you take em up here, anywhere in this area in front of the car. Anywhere in here. And that's when you tell them that you have a back spasm. You got it? Ray: Uh-huh. Jim Lahey: Good. Ray: Okay bud. Lucy: They're never going to fall for that. Jim Lahey: Of course they will Lucy. It's George Green. Think about it. Ricky: You banged him, so you know how dumb he is. You bang the stupidest guys, I don't get it. f*cking Randy and George. Jim Lahey: Here Bubbs. I need you to crouch down. They can't see you. When you hear Ted and George hitting Ray, you're going to press record. Bubbles: Right there. Jim Lahey: You got it? Bubbles: Yes. Jim Lahey: Good. Bubbles: Alright. Jim Lahey: Alright. Ricky, Julian, Lucy. You're going to be watching from behind the trailer. You're going to come out and help me make the arrest. Got it? Jacob: The fire's out, what should I do next Mr. Lahey? Jim Lahey: I'm sorry Jacob. I got nothing for you on this one. Jacob: Is it okay if I just hang out by Julian? Jim Lahey: Yeah, it's okay if you f*cking hang out by Julian, I don't give a sh1t. Phil Collins: What don't you just f*cking lighten up Jimmy? Jim Lahey: What are you talking about, you dumb gurgling Ricky: f*ck. Why do you keep f*cking getting up in everybody's face? Just stay out of this. Everyone shut the f*ck up. Jim Lahey: I need control on this one. We gotta f*cking work together on this. Randy: Are those bats Jim Lahey: Randy. Ray look. They're kids' bats. Light as a feather. They're aluminum. Ray: Jim, come on. They're hard as rock buddy. Come on. Ricky: Dad, they make beer cans out of it. It's not that bad. We've crushed those on our head before. Jim Lahey: Right. Let's get Ray some liquor and do this. Ray, what do you need? Another forty. Ray: Two Jimmy. Jim Lahey: Good man. Ricky: Dad, I promise you, I'm not going to let you get hurt. You'll be okay. Ray: You think it's going to be alright? Ricky: I sort of trust Lahey now. I think it's yeah. Ray: Trust my son, I trust you buddy. Ricky: I trust you too Dad. Lucy: You've got to get the f*ck over here. There's an emergency. Ray's shooting off, saying that he saw a bunch of stuff and great, thanks. They'll be right over. Jim Lahey: Great work, Luce. You ready Ray? Drunk enough? Ray: Feeling no pain, Jimmy. Jim Lahey: Alright boys, take your positions. D-day. Ricky: Okay Dad? Ray: Not feeling good buddy. Ricky: Alright, love ya. Ray: Love you man. Jacob: Hey, is that real gold? Julian: Fourteen carats buddy. Come on, let's go. [siren] Police Officer Ted: What's going on here Ray? Ray: Terrible accident Teddie. Three good men are dead. Police Officer Ted: Yup, we've seen this kind of thing before. Police Officer George: What a tragedy. Crazy liquor and cheeseburger party gone out of control. Look what happens. God damned shame. Ray: Don't blame this on the liquor boys. Police Officer Ted: What do you mean by that Ray? Ray: Just what I said Ted. Police Officer George: So did you actually see what happened Ray? Ray: Hard to say exactly boys. Had a couple of drinks, saw a couple of things. Police Officer George: Was there something on your mind? Maybe something you'd like to share with us. Ray: There's something on my mind. Police Officer George: Well let's hear it. Ray: Alright. You boys want a drink. Police Officer George: Ah, no, we're good. Ray: Yeah? Police Officer George: You got something to say. Ray: Oh. Jesus boys, oh. Police Officer George: What's wrong? Ray: Oh f*ck. It's my back. Just a second, whoa f*ck, Jesus. Just a second. I gotta work this out boys. Oh f*ck. Jesus, George. Take this bat buddy. You gotta do me a favour. You gotta hit me on the back with that bat. Teddy, grab that bat. Police Officer Ted: You sure? Ray: Oh yeah, f*ck yeah boys, come on. Police Officer George: Ray, we still need that statement. Ray: It's the only way to get rid of the spasms George. f*ck! Police Officer Ted: Like this? Ray: No boys. Come on to me. You gotta really come on to me there. Oh! Oh! Jim Lahey: Did you get it Bubbles? Hands in the air boys, you're under arrest for police brutality. Police Officer George: You, what the f*ck? Ricky? Ricky: Yeah, that's right. Police Officer George: What the f*ck is going on here? Jim, take that weapon off us right now. Jim Lahey: Bring them inside boys. Police Officer Ted: Let go of me. Julian: Try to kill my f*cking friends. Jacob: BAM! Phil Collins: Peanut butter and jaaaaaaam! Jim Lahey: What the f*ck are you doing Phil? Police Officer Ted: What makes you think that you're going to get away with this? Jim Lahey: Hey, we'll take our chances. [shouting and groaning] Ricky: Hey Dad. How you feeling? Jim Lahey: f*ck! Ricky: Lahey, what the f*ck are you doing? Ray: Jimmy? You alright there Jimmy? Right on. Thanks buddy. Jim Lahey: Ray, we got a problem. Ray: What's that? Jim Lahey: You're looking too good. Ray: I don't feel so good buddy. I feel like a piece of sh1t, to be honest with you. Jim Lahey: Listen buddy. I'm going to have to hit you in the face, fifteen or twenty times. It's your choice Ray. I understand if you don't want to do it. Ray: I'm going to do it. I want that rig boys. I just don't want you to hit me Jimmy. I want my boy to hit me. Ricky: Dad, I'm not going to hit you in the face, okay? Ray: I want you to do it. Go ahead, give me one of your best shots. Ricky: I'm not hitting you Dad. Ray: Rick, we gotta do it bud. Go ahead. Ricky: Well, I mean. If you did get back on the road, what kind of a rig do you think you'd be driving. Ray: Oh f*ck man, I know exactly what I want. A f*cking Western Star [groan] Jesus. Ricky: I'm sorry. I'm sorry I gotta do this. It's only going to take a few minutes. [shouting and groaning] Jim Lahey: You're a good man Ray. Ray: Oh man. Ricky: You're my Dad, right? You're my Dad. Ray: Yeah, oh f*ck, yeah. [mumbling] Ricky: I feel bad. I understand if you want to give me one shot. Ray: No f*ck. Buddy, I'm not like that, I'm not like that. Come on, you know I'm not like that. Seriously, bygones. f*cking, you suckered me buddy. Come on, what's with that? Lawyer: Let me see if I understand what counsel is saying and correct me if I'm wrong. Jump in at any point. Officers Green and Johnson were lured to the Sunnyvale Trailer Park. Where they were tricked into beating up a defenseless man with baseball bats because he had back spasms. And then later on, to help sell what we clearly see are very real injuries on Ray's body, Ray had his friends beat him for real while he was drunk. Is that basically it? He staged a beating of himself. Bubbles: Preposterous. Ricky: Yeah, I mean, I'm not in college, but you guys got books and stuff to see that this is obviously a little fucky. Lawyer: Why don't we watch the video and see if it supports that theory. [groaning] Ray: Your honour, I, can we please turn that sh1t off. I can't watch it anymore. Ricky: Please shut it off. I mean, the beating is one thing but now my dad's got all this psycho-piss-a-logical stuff in his head. Because of the beating, these guys can't be on the streets anymore. Phil Collins: [loud burp] [groans from everyone] Bubbles: Ricky, there's onion ring fragments on me. Get them off. Ricky: I'm not touching those. Bubbles: Get them off! Lucy: Here. Phil Collins: I'm sorry your honour. Lawyer: The Crown rests My Lord. Judge: Okay, well under the circumstances, I think I've heard enough. Officers Green and Johnson, please stand. You both had so much promise. Officers Green and Johnson, you will spend the next five years in prison thinking about your actions. Effective immediately. Police Officer Green: Five years! Congratulations Jim. I didn't think you had it in you. Jim Lahey: You crossed the line George. You crossed the sh1t line. Bubbles: You fooled them Ray. Fooled everyone. Ray: It was unbelievable today in that courtroom. I mean, they believed everything we f*cking did. Bubbles: It was great. Ray: What the hell was Phil eating anyway? Chicken wings? Bubbles: Onion rings. Ray: I had a piece of f*cking chicken wing on the back of my neck Bubbles: Ray, listen! I gotta tell you something. I got you a rig. Ray: Ah, Bubbles, come on, don't f*ck with me. Bubbles: I'm not f*cking with you! I worked out a deal with Shitty Ray. We got a rig for thirty days, hauling scrap metal. Ray: You got me a rig? Bubbles: Yeah. Ray: Me. For to drive? Bubbles: You're a trucker again Ray! Ray: Buddy, I don't know what to f*cking say. Bubbles: Don't say anything Ray. You're back on the road, but I'm in charge. Ray: Oh f*ck yeah!

Plan: A: search warrants; Q: What paperwork does Mr. Lahey not finish? A: J-Roc; Q: Who is one of the people that the police are trying to get a search warrant for? A: George Green; Q: Who is one of the officers that tries to kill Mr. Lahey? A: Phil Collins; Q: Who is one of the people that George Green and Ted Johnston try to kill? A: a scheme; Q: What does Lahey hatch? Summary: Angered when Mr. Lahey doesn't finish their paperwork for search warrants against Julian and J-Roc, officers George Green and Ted Johnston attempt to kill him, Randy, and Phil Collins. Lahey hatches a scheme to have Green and Johnston arrested, but will Ray go along with it?

(Meredith is at a bar, doing shots) MVO: To be a good surgeon, you have to think like a surgeon. Emotions are messy. Tuck them neatly away and step into a clean, sterile room where the procedure is simple. Cut, suture and close. Joe: You look familiar. You been here before? Meredith: Once. That worked out really well. Joe: I know that look. It'll be one of two things. Either your boss is giving you hell or your boyfriend is. Which is it? Meredith: Both. MVO: But sometimes, you're faced with a cut that won't heal. Meredith: My boyfriend is my boss, which was a problem. But not as big a problem as the fact that my boyfriend has a wife. Joe: Tell you what, this one, it's on the house. MVO: A cut that rips it's stitches wide open. (Derek and Addison in the lobby of the hospital) Derek: Addison, what are you doing here? Addison: Your hair's different. Derek: A lot of things are different. Addison: It's longer. I like it. It's very Russell Crowe. (She tries to run her fingers through his hair but he moves back) Derek: What are you doing here? Addison: What are you doing here? You just pick up and leave everything? Your house, your practice, your friends? You had a life in Manhattan. Derek: Had. Addison: And now you have a girlfriend in Seattle. She seems sweet. Derek: The ice you're on. Thin. Addison: She's young. That whole wide-eyed, ooh he's-a-brain-surgeon thing happening, but still sweet. Which was what you were going for, right? The anti-Addison? Derek: If you came out here to try and win me back, forget about it. Addison: I did. I flew all the way across the country to reminisce over wedding photos, get drunk, fall into bed, and make you realize you can't live without me. Relax. Derek, I'm here for work. I'm helping the TTTS case you guys admitted last week and from Richard's briefing, I should be� Derek: Richard, he knew you were coming out here? Addison: He asked me to come. Didn't he tell you? Derek: No. He didn't. Addison: Hmm. Surprise. The hair, though. You know I've always had a thing for Russell Crowe. (Izzie and Alex in the locker room, Alex has ice on his eye) Izzie: Let me see it. (Looks at his eye) No lacerations, minimal swelling. George really knocked you around. Alex: He's a lightweight. Could've pinned him in a second if I wanted. Izzie: Yeah, so why didn't you? Alex: Are you kidding? I'm riding a career in Plastics all the way to the bank. Can't afford to injure these babies. (Holds up his hands) Especially over some one like O'Malley. Izzie: You had it coming. Alex: The dude punches like my sister. Izzie: Oh! So, by your definition then you got beat up by a girl. (George and Cristina enter the bar) Joe: All hail the champ! (Everyone in the bar cheers) So, my guy Alex finally got what was coming to him. Cristina: George knocked him down in one punch. You should've seen it. George: I don't want to talk about it! Joe: brag, champ, brag. You've earned it. George: Can I have a beer, please? Meredith: Let's play a game of whose life sucks the most. I'll win. I always win. Cristina: No, you don't want to play with me. Meredith: Oh, I do. I'll even go first. Derek's married. (George spits his beer out) Cristina: George, beer is dripping from your nostrils. Meredith: Told you I'd win. Cristina: No, you didn't win. Meredith: Did you hear me? I said Derek is married. As in pigheaded, adulterous, liar married. Nothing you could say could top that. Cristina: I'm pregnant. I win. (In the background Joe is groaning and holding his head. A bar patron asks him if he is alright and Joe falls over.) Cristina: Ok. Maybe Joe wins. (Meredith and Cristina rush to Joe's side.) (Joe tries to get up) Cristina: Joe, like back down. Man: The medics are coming. Joe: You called the gurney patrol? Meredith: Sit back and relax. We have to take you to the hospital to run some tests. Joe: Tests? I don't need tests. I'm fine! Cristina: Dude! You collapsed! On the floor. This is you bar. You know how filthy this floor is. Meredith: Radial pulse is strong. Cristina: Minor skull contusions. Meredith: You're sleeping with someone? George: What? Who? Cristina: Why is that such a shock? Even George managed to get some action. George: Correction. George got some syphilis. Meredith: How could I not know, you were sleeping with someone? Joe: Forget this. Cristina: Joe! Joe: The hospital is right across the street. I can sure as hell walk across the street by myself. (He stands up) Cristina: Oh, I think we should� George: No, I got him. Joe! (Seattle scenes) (Hallway of SGH) Meredith: All right. Details. You're pregnant? What are you gonna do? Cristina: Look, you know what happens to pregnant interns. I'm not switching to the v*g1n* squad or spending my life popping zits. I'm too talented. Surgery's my life. Meredith: Which begs the question: who are you sleeping with? Cristina: Just a guy. Meredith: That's all I get? You can't just bring something like this up and expect me to drop it. Cristina: Well, watch me. (They walk up to a desk where George and Izzie are standing) Izzie: Why are you back here tonight, don't you have a date with McDreamy? George: More like McMarried. Izzie: McWhat? Meredith: I came to check on Joe. George: You think he's gonna be ok? Cristina: You think he's gonna need an operation? (Derek walks up) Derek: Operation, yes. Ok, hard to tell. Basilar artery's blown up like a balloon. Subarachnoid bleeding. Aneurysm the size of a golf ball. George: No way to clip something like that. Cristina: Not without magic fingers. Derek: Or a standstill operation. Cristina: You're doing a standstill�he's doing a standstill operation. Derek: I'd like to try. First I need some additional patient history, overnight labs, and a cerebral angio. (He tries to hand the chart to Meredith) Meredith: I'm drunk. Derek: Meredith� (Meredith walks away and George grabs the chart. Derek tries to follow Meredith but the other interns step in his way.) Izzie: (Softly) McBastard. (Derek leaves. Cristina takes the chart from George) Izzie: Ahem. George: What are you doing? Cristina: Uh�I am on her side, but we're talking a possible standstill here. Recognize. (Meredith is walking out the front door as Derek catches up to her) Derek: Meredith! Meredith: Go away! Derek: Just wait. We should discuss this. Meredith: Here's a thought. No! Quit following me! Derek: At least let me explain. Meredith: Explain? You know when you should have explained? The night we met in the bar. Before any of the rest of it. Yeah, that would have been a good time to discuss it. Derek: Look, I know how you feel. Meredith: Do you? Somehow I doubt that. Because if you did, you would shut up, and you would turn around and go back inside, because you would realize that I am this close to getting in my car and running you down in the parking lot! (She leaves, George runs up to her with an umbrella. Derek goes back inside) George: Where are your keys? Meredith: I'm fine! George: Meredith, give me your keys. Let's go home. (Derek enters Richard's room to find Addison there. They are both laughing.) Addison: �ant the husband was the�(They stop as Derek enters the room) Well, I will be back in the morning to report for duty. And you�get some rest. (Addison leaves) Derek: What is she doing here? Richard: You and I both know she's the best in the field. Brining Addie out was a business decision, nothing personal. Derek: Oh, well, what a relief. It's not personal. It is personal to me. Richard: The working of my surgical unit don't have any� Derek: Don't include my wife! Richard: Don't include your private life! Burke will act as chief of surgery until I'm back on my feet. Derek: You gave chief to Burke. Richard: Like I said, there's no room for personal in being chief. Derek: What is that supposed to mean? Richard: How long have you have been sleeping with an intern. Derek: So, I guess part of being chief is personal. Richard: Close the door on your way out. (Seattle scenes) (Meredith lying in her bed) (Cristina in an empty OR, examining the instruments) Cristina: L.S. (Burke is standing outside the door) Cristina: Babcock. Burke: Right-angle clamp. Cristina: Oh. I'm gonna sterilize everything when I'm done. The scrub nurses won't even know I was here. Burke: My lips are sealed. So, I have a question to ask. I checked the schedule and I noticed that you and I are both off tonight. I made reservations. I have a favorite restaurant. Cristina: None of those were questions. Burke: Would you like to go out to dinner with me tonight? Cristina: You know, the OR is the one place where I can come and think. I'm thinking right now, ok? Burke: Of course. I get it. (George and Izzie are in the locker room) George: I'm not a violent person. I'm a pacifist. But, you know, he just kept pushing and push�he pushed me, I pushed back. (George keeps looking over his shoulder to where Alex is standing) George: I was pushed. And now he� Izzie: You know what, if Alex tries to lay a hand on you, just tell me, I'll take care of it. George: You�I don't need you to take care of it. If Alex starts something I'll handle it myself. I can handle it. (Bailey enters) Bailey: Ok, people, assignments. Yang, you're on discharges. O'Malley report to room E19. Grey come see me, and who was on call last night? (Bailey hands Alex and Izzie a stack of charts) Bailey: Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy. Redo these and return them to me before lunch, understood? Alex: Understood. Bailey: Karev, don't tempt me. (To Meredith) Somebody's popular. Meredith: Meaning? Bailey: There's been a special request, just for you. (Burke is walking through the hall with Patricia) Burke: The chief runs through all of this? Before lunch. After, you've got calls to return, a budget to approve, two staff meetings, and four of Richard's surgeries, including your own. Burke: Absolutely. No problem. Patricia: Virgins. (Derek enters) Derek: So. Congratulations are in order. Burke: Don't sweat it Shepherd. I'll only be your boss for a few days. Derek: I'm well aware of Richard's recovery time. I'm the one who operated on him, remember? Burke: I do. You operated. He survived and chose me to take over while recruiting your wife. Derek: Clearly, he has brain damage. Burke: Or is it your ex-wife? I'm a little fuzzy on that. Derek: We're separated. Addison: Sorry to interrupt, Dr. Burke. Burke: You're never interrupting. Derek: She's always interrupting. Addison: I was just checking to see if Dr. Burke secured the intern� (Meredith walks up) Meredith: Intern you requested? He did. (Derek looks at Addison then Burke, Burke smiles and walks away. Derek walks away and leaves Meredith and Addison there staring at each other) (Seattle scenes) (Addison and Meredith are in a patient's room, Julie has TTTS.) Addison: Define TTTS. Meredith: Twin-twin transfusion syndrome. Conjoined fetal twins. Addison: Connected by? Meredith: Blood vessels in the placenta. Addison: Meaning? (Pause, Meredith does not answer) One twin gets too much blood, the other too little, endangering the lives of both. I'd expect you to know that, Grey. Julie: They told me there wasn't much chance anything could be done. Addison: TTTS is usually impossible to correct. Unless you happen to be one of a handful of surgeons in the world who knows how to separate fetal blood vessels. Which, luckily for you, I am. So were gonna get you into surgery tomorrow. If you have any questions at all please ask Dr. Grey. From what I have seen, she is one the hospital's most popular interns. (They walk into the hallway) Meredith: I could've answered your question had you given me the chance. Addison: Chin up, Grey. I'm this tough on everyone, not just the women my husband sleeps with. Order an ultrasound for her and pre-op labs in full. (Julie overheard the conversation between Addison and Meredith) (George goes to the nurses station) George: Hi. Can I have the chart for E19, please? Thank you. (He looks at the chart and realizes that it is the chiefs) Richard: Oh, good, you're here. Let's get started. George: Ok. (George starts examining the chief) Richard: O'Malley? George: Yeah? Richard: You're touching me. George: Yeah. Richard: No. Carmen�(He brushes off the nurse) I want you to listen to me very carefully. As long as I'm in here, I don't know what's happening out there. With my doctors. My patients. My hospital. You are my eyes today, my ears. I want you to be a sponge. George: A sponge? Richard: You repost any and everything happening in this hospital to me. George: I'm an investigative sponge. Richard: I'm not fooling around, O'Malley. There's too much been happening lately under my radar. It stops today. (George is in the hallway "sponging." Derek walks by and runs into Burke) Derek: Burke you gave Grey to Addison. Are you sure about that? Burke: That's not you call, Shepherd. And for the record, I'm always sure. Did you need me for something? Because as the new chief, I'm� Derek: Interim chief. Burke: "Chief" nonetheless. Derek: Ever attempt a standstill surgery? (Derek, Cristina and Burke are talking to Joe) Derek: It's the location of the aneurysm that makes it tricky. Burke: Your body temperature would be lowered cool enough to protect it from any damage and stop the heart. Derek: Which stops blood flow to the brain which reduces the risk of rupture. I'll have 45 minutes to clip the aneurysm. Burke: Before I step in and get the heart started again. Joe: You wanna freeze my body, drain my blood, and stop my heart? Derek: And bring you back. Joe: In under 45 minutes? Derek: Right. Joe: If you go over, is it free? Derek: No. Burke: Dr, Yang, you can go and handle the pre-op labs now. Cristina: Ok. Joe: How much? How much does something like this cost? (George is looking on) Derek: I don't think you should worry about that right now. Joe: Hey, look, you guys say that you can kill me and bring me back, I believe you. You're doctors, but I own a bar. I don't got any insurance so I'm not that concerned about the surgery so mush as what I'm gonna do when I survive it. I need a number. Ten grand? Twenty? Thirty? Derek: It's a couple hundred at least. Burke: At least. (Izzie and Alex are sitting on a gurney in the hallway fixing their charts) Alex: Who's Halloran? Izzie: Patient in 4115. Red hair? Wife knits all the time? He had the colectomy? Alex: Ah, colon dude. That's right. Who's Monterroso? Izzie: 4238. Mom with the really cute kids. She spiked a post-op fever last night. You spent two hours monitoring her. Alex: Hernia chick. That's right. Izzie: You have been treating these people for the last week. How can you not know their names? Alex: Surgery is the only specialty where we don't waste time getting to know the patients. They're slabs of meat, we're butchers. Izzie: They're human beings. You do know what a human is, don't you Evil Spawn? Alex: I'm not evil. Unless evil turns you on. Izzie: Do you ever wake up in the morning, realize nobody likes you, and, I don't know, care? Alex: Oh. I think somebody likes me. (Izzie rolls her eyes) (Cristina enters the stairwell where Burke is) Cristina: Hey. (Burke does not respond) What, you don't speak now you're chief? Burke! Burke: What do you want? Cristina: What? Burke: What do you want? You don't want to go out to dinner. You don't want to meet me in the on-call room, and you sure as hell don't want to talk to me. I could pretend I know, but hey, I don't even have your home phone number. So tell me, what do you want? Cristina: Don't yell at me. (Burke walks away) Wait. Hey, we're having a conversation here. Burke: Well, what do you want? Cristina: I don't know! (He grabs her and kisses her passionately) Burke: Figure it out. (Burke leaves Cristina standing there speechless. The camera pans up to where George had been standing, watching the whole encounter) (Seattle scenes) (Richard's room) Richard: What's the report? George: No report. It's very quiet today, sir. Richard: There's no news, gossip, surgeries I should know about? Now come on, what's the buzz, O'Malley? George: You know, not in the halls, not in the OR, not in the stairwells. Especially nothing happening in the, you know�they're just stairwells. (Alex sits down next to Joe's bed) Alex: They told me you were in a nightgown, but I thought I'd come and see it for myself. Very nice, huh. Joe: Heard O'Malley laid you out cold. Nice eye. (Nurse comes in and leaves a gift) Joe: Whoa, who sent that? Nurse: We all pitched in. The whole floor. Joe: Well, please, tell the whole floor a big thank you. Nurse: Yeah, I will. (Leaves) Joe: Alex, you gotta get me out of here, man. Get me transferred to County Hospital, or something. Alex: Oh, you don't want to go to County. Here, they can kill you and bring you back, but at County, they just know how to kill you. No joke. Joe: I can't afford this place, man. I'm gonna lose the bar. (Man walks by) Man: Hey, Joe, how you doing? Joe: Hey, Scooter. (Alex is picking food from Joe's gift basket) Joe: Ok, that's mine. Alex: Well first start things first, we're gonna start by saving your life, man. Joe: The bar is my life. You know that. You've been at last call with me, practically every night since you moved here. I'm gonna have to shut it down or sell it. Alex: You can't do that. Place is an institution. Joe: You know, I've owned the bar across the street for 14 years, and I've never been inside this hospital till now. Alex: Look, I'll pay my tab, right. That's gotta be good for something. How much is it? Joe: Close to a grand. Alex: How about I pay, like, 60? That's good. And I'll pay you back later. (George has been watching from afar) Joe: Hey, champ! (Meredith is getting ready to do an ultrasound on Julie) Julie: What does it take to go after another woman's husband? Meredith: Excuse me? Julie: It happened to me. Jeff moved in with a long-legged miniskirt who answer his phones, three weeks into my pregnancy. By the way, that gel is really cold. Meredith: I'm sorry. I'm sorry about your husband. Julie: Are you sorry about Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd's husband? Meredith: I'm going to be checking a few things today. Julie: I bet she asked to work with you. It's what I would have done. Meredith: I'm gonna go check on your labs. (Cristina enters Joe's room and goes directly to the bathroom and pukes) Joe: Heya, sunshine. Cristina: Deep breath. Joe: Morning sickness must suck. Cristina: Just so we're clear, do not breathe a word of what you heard last night to anyone. Not about me. Not about Meredith. Not about Meredith and Dr. McDreamy� (Burke enters) Joe: Hey, Dr. Burke. Burke: Joe. Cristina: Um, vital signs stable overnight. Today's CT shows no re-bleeding. (Cristina is having a difficult time presenting. Joe notices) The EKG�shows�um, normal sinus rhythm. No ischemia, no dysrhythmias. Burke: Looking good. Page me if there are any changes. (George is standing outside of Peds talking to himself) George: Oh, hi chief. No, not much going on. Other than your interim chief making out with my friend in the stairwell, but hey�sponge duty sucks. (Meredith walks up) Meredith: Talking to yourself now? George: Yes. No! damn it, I'm a bad sponge. A leaky sponge. I'm gonna leak all the wrong secrets. I'm a bad liar, can't even lie about talking to myself. You look nice today. Meredith: Wore my new lip gloss. Cause my ex-boyfriend's wife looks like Isabella freaking Rossellini, and I'm like�me. I'm trying to outdo her when she's the victim here. How crazy is that? George: Not crazy. Smart. You know, gloss, you know, prevents chapped lips and�you�ex-boyfriend? Meredith: I'm an evil mistress. George: Well, still. You look nice. Meredith: Thanks. What are you doing here? George: Well� Meredith: Come on, O'Malley. Out with it. George: Ok. Can you think of any reason, any reason at all, really, why Cristina would be kissing Burke? (Elevator doors dings open, Cristina is inside and Meredith is waiting outside. Lapse to Meredith inside) Meredith: After all this time. All your warnings about me sleeping with my boss, and you're doing the same exact thing? Cristina: It's not the same. Meredith: It's the exact� Cristina: No, it's not. You and McDreamy are in a relationship. Meredith: And you and Burke are in? Cristina: Switzerland. It's very neutral there. And they make very nice watches. Meredith: Have you even bothered to tell Burke about the baby? Are you going to? Cristina: Look, Meredith, can we not go there? Can everyone just accept the fact that there are some things I like to keep to myself? I don't discuss everything to death. Meredith: Well, why even confide in me at all. If you're so intent on not discussing it? Why even tell me? [SCENE_BREAK] (Meredith is back in the TTTS woman's room) Julie: When I found out about the miniskirt, I called her up and took her to lunch. It was perfectly civil. I said I didn't hold it against her, that these things happened. But, really? I just wanted to put a face on the bitch that got my husband to throw away 15 years of marriage. (Meredith is concentrating on the ultrasound) (Burke enters the office where Bailey is sitting) Burke: Got a second? Bailey: Depends on what you need. Burke: Who the hell is Dr. McDreamy? (Bailey looks to where Derek is talking to Addison and George passes by) Bailey: Me. I'm Dr. McDreamy. I'm tall, handsome. I like to lean against things and ponder the difficulties of dating beautiful women. I'm trying to be a surgeon here! (Burke walks up to where Derek and Addison are talking) Derek: That took a lot of nerve. Addison: Oh come on, she came highly recommended. (Derek pulls her away as Burke draws near) Derek: Right. Addison: So you don't recommend her? Derek: No, I did not say that. Addison: Just not for her medical skills. Derek: Oh, would you shut up? (Meredith walks up) Meredith: Dr. Shepherd. Addison and Derek: Yes? Meredith: Labs confirm what look like abnormalities on the ultrasound. I think you should come and see for yourself. Addison: Fine. Let's go. Derek: Meredith. Meredith. Meredith: Don't. (Burke was looking on from near the surgical board. As Derek notices him, he turns to leave, almost running into George.) (Richard's room) George: Well, no report. You know, same nothing as earlier. I should go. Oh, actually there is something, sir. Richard: Burke and Shepherd marking territory on the playground? George: No, sir. It's about Joe. The bartender. The standstill patient. (Addison looking at Julie's ultrasound) Meredith: See. Bilateral pleural effusion with evidence of subQ edema. Julie: In English, please? Addison: We've detected what looks like beginning heart failure in the twins. Don't be alarmed. Julie: Are my babies gonna be ok? Addison: I'm gonna go ahead and take you into surgery now. We're not gonna wait. (To Meredith) Book the OR. Move. (Joe is being wheeled into surgery. He is giving instructions to Alex) Joe: Tell Pete to wash out the taps every night. Not every other night. And remind him that the delivery truck comes at 6 am. Kegs go in the back. Oh, another thing. There's petty cash on the top shelf in the storage closet. (George leaving Richard's room) Richard: We're operating on our patients. That's it. George: I know, but� Richard: I sympathize. I do. But solving Joe's finances is not my job, it's not your job, and it's sure as hell not the job I assigned you today. George: It just seems wrong to cut him open, sew him up, and just leave him, you know, left with nothing. Richard: If we can save his life, we'll hardly be leaving him with nothing. (Joe's OR. The Or is full of patients and the gallery is full of watchers) Derek: That's as far as I can go for now. Let's start cooling him. (All the doctors start packing Joe with ice packs) (Gallery, Bailey enters) Bailey: (To George) Can't see much from back here, O'Malley. George: I know. I'm trying to find a loophole to help Joe. You know Joe. Bailey: Oh, yeah. I was the only female intern my year. I didn't know anybody and nobody knew me except Joe. He knew me. George: Oh. So, you and Joe? Bailey: All you people ever thing about is how to get into somebody's pants. You're nasty. That's why you got syphilis. (She slaps George) Joe was the first person here to tell me I'd make a good surgeon. Not that he knew anything about it. But it was something when I had nothing. (Alex enters and sits next to Izzie) Alex: Oh, sure. I'm the guy with the heart of stone and you brought snacks. Izzie: It's a working lunch. Alex: Snacks to watch Joe die. Izzie: He's not gonna "die" die. They'll bring him back. Alex: He is going to "die" die. No "pulse" pulse. He's gonna be "dead" dead. Izzie: It's a granola bar, Alex. Not a bag of super-size popcorn and a box of chocolate movie mints. George: That's it. (Everyone looks at George) Dead! (George runs out) Excuse me! (Julie's surgery) Addison: Julie, we're just gonna go in laparoscopically. You're not gonna feel anything and neither are the twins. Ok, let's get going. Ten blade. Begin with a three-millimeter incision. (Joe's OR) Burke: We stop the blood flow? Cristina: To protect the brain. Operate in a bloodless field so the aneurysm won't rupture. Burke: And cool the body? Cristina: To induce hypothermia. Uh, keeps the tissue viable until the blood is restored. Doctor: Body temp is at 60 degrees. Burke: Ok, Joe, time to die. (Burke clamps the blood line, and another doctor turns off the bypass) Doctor: Flatline. Derek: All right. We've got 45 minutes, people. Burke: Start the clock. Doctor: Got it. (Still Joe's OR, the clock is at 17 minutes 52 seconds) Derek: So what's your "Joe" story? Seems like everybody around here has one. Burke: You first. Derek: Ok. I went to Joe's place the night before I started working here. I'd only been in town, you know, a few days. I met this woman. I got drunk and she took advantage of me. Or she got drunk and I took advantage of her. I got drunk and she took� no. We were drunk. Definitely. Somebody took advantage. Either way, I like to look at it as my initiation into Seattle. What about you? Burke: Oh, I don't have one. I just wanted to hear yours. (George is at a desk on the phone) George: So, technically, the paperwork just needs to be submitted by midnight of the day of the surgery to be considered? Oh, good. Well, thank you very much. Thanks. (Julie's surgery) Addison: How you doing there, Grey? Meredith: Good. I'm good. (Gallery of Joe's OR) Alex: You know, I'm very sweet once you get to know me. Izzie: No, you're not. Alex: We could be good friends. Izzie: Alex. Never, ever, ever. Alex: Why not? Izzie: Give me one reason why we could? What about you is even remotely human? Alex: It's going too slowly. Izzie: I hope Joe can pull through this. Alex: He can. He will. He has to. (Inside Joe's OR) Derek: Damn it. I can't get the clamp to hold. Give me the bipolars. I'm gonna go in at a different angle. Burke: Time remaining? Derek: Irrigation, please. (Clock reads 27 minutes, 59 seconds) Cristina: 17 minutes. Burke: Shepherd, I'm gonna need eight minutes to get him back, to warm him up. Derek: Time to make the next 17 minutes count. Right there, go in from there. See it? See, that's why we can't do it right there. (Richard's room) George: He's dead. Technically. Which is science, and this is a huge thing. So I thought some research foundation has to have an interest in that. Richard: So, in essence, you want to donate Joe's body to science? George: At least for the next 17 minutes. Richard: Privately funded grant. George: For educational purposes. We're a teaching hospital. The standstill surgery qualifies. Richard: I didn't peg you for the type to ignore my instructions, O'Malley. George: All due respect, sir. It's worth a shot. It's someone's life. Richard: It's always someone's life, O'Malley. (Pause) You're hovering. You can leave now. George: Ok. (Joe's surgery, the clock reads 37 minutes) Nurse: Eight minutes. Burke: We need to start rewarming, Shepherd. Derek: Take the bipolars, please. Thank you. Burke: Shepherd, we need to start warming him up, now! Derek: Hang on. Burke: Now. I need it now, Shepherd. Derek: I can't seem to get� I just can't get behind the aneurysm. If I could get behind the aneurysm, I could�there it is. Got it. That's it. Burke: Are you sure? Derek: I'm always sure. Good work, everybody. It's all yours there, chief. Burke: Ok people, let's grab Joe before he decides to go into the light. Start warming him up. Clamps are coming off. Turn the pump on. Watch cerebral perfusion pressures. Keep M.A.P. at greater than 60, please. (Richard's room) Richard: I know you're enjoying yourself, Preston. It's a power kick to be the chief. You're never more surrounded. Never more alone. You're everyone's father, everyone's boss, and no one's friend. Choices you make. Clean slices and neat stitches. No emotions, no compromise, no personal life. Burke: But Richard� Burke: I just had brain surgery. I'm surrounded by fruit baskets. The only people who've been in this room come and kiss my ass. I gave you a shot for a reason, Preston. You and I , we're the same. We put the job first. (Burke is in the on-call room when Cristina enters) Cristina: That was the single most amazing surgery I have ever witnessed. You, you killed a man and brought him back to life. You, like, raised the dead. God, how does that feel? Are you rushing? Is it� Burke: Like you wouldn't believe. Cristina: Hey, um, do you still have those reservations? Cause I'm starving. Burke: Cristina, I think there's something we should discuss. Cristina: Yeah. Yeah, there is. Burke: It's pretty clear. Cristina: It is? Burke: We've been fooling ourselves, to think that we can continue like this without consequences. Cristina: Consequences� Burke: We have careers to think about. Reputations. We both put the job first. You are very focused. I respect that. Cristina: Thank you. Burke: You're welcome. Cristina: Oh, you're ending this? Burke: I think it's best to make a clean break. Cristina: Ok. Burke: Before it gets too involved. Before it gets� Cristina: Messy. Right, right. That would be, that would be bad. Burke: It's nothing personal. (Seattle scenes) (Richard's room, George is standing outside the door peeking in) Richard: Get in here, O'Malley. George: Ok. I tried. I really tried. But there's a lot of stuff happening out there. Stuff I can't tell you. Stuff I won't tell you. Crazy stuff. Stuff I'm gonna have nightmares about. But I'm not gonna tell you about any of it. Because it doesn't matter. Not when there's a guy out there who we all know and love who's gonna be bankrupt because he needed a surgery to save his life. And I spent the whole day working on it. Richard: O'Malley� George: Let me finish. Richard: You're wrong, sir. Now you can fire me, or, you know, bring me up on disciplinary action or whatever. I'm telling you, Joe deserves� Richard: Deserves our help. Couldn't help yourself, could you? Whether or not it'd win you any points, even from me. I signed your request. Give it to Patricia, she'll know what to do with it. Looks like Joe may keep his bar after all. George: Thank you, sir. (George starts to leave) Richard: O'Malley! George: Yes? Richard: Yell at me again, and I'll snap you like a twig. George: Yes, sir. (Julie's room) Addison: See? Just a small scar. Julie: And my babies? Addison: Your babies are doing very well. And Dr. Grey will be back to check on you a little bit later. Julie: Actually, I'd prefer it if Dr. Grey were taken off the case. Addison: Why, is there a problem? Julie: Just reminds me of someone I don't like very much. Someone my husband likes a lot. Particularly in lingerie. You understand. Addison: No, no, I don't understand. Julie: Well, she's sleeping with your husband, right? Addison: Ms. Philips, I lack Dr. Grey's class and patience so, let me set the record straight. My husband didn't cheat on me, I cheated on him. So the wronged woman here, Dr. Grey. So, I think you owe here one hell of an apology. (Meredith and Derek sitting on the porch of his trailer) Derek: One night I parked my car, I unlock my front door, go inside my house, and something 's different. Nothing's different, everything's the same, but yet, still, something's different. And I stand there for a while. And then I know. See, there are moments for me, you know, usually when I'm in the OR, when I just know what's gonna happen next. So I go upstairs. As I'm walking down the hall, I trying to prepare myself for what I'm gonna see when I go into my bedroom. I step on a man's jacket that doesn't belong to me. And everything I think I know�just shifts. Because the jacket that doesn't belong to me is a jacket that I recognize. And what I know now is that when I go into my bedroom, I'm not just gonna see that my wife is cheating on me. I'm gonna see that my wife is cheating on me with Mark, who happened to be my best friend. It's just so pedestrian, common and dirty, and cruel. Mostly just cruel. I left, came out here. Meredith: And you met me. Derek: And I met you. Meredith: Well, what was I to you? The girl you screwed to get over being screwed? Derek: You were like coming up for fresh air. It's like I was drowning and you saved me. That's all I know. Meredith: It's not enough. (She gets into her car and leaves) MVO: The say practice makes perfect. Theory is, the more you think like a surgeon, the more you become one. (Burke is in the on-call room alone) (Derek is pacing the porch of his trailer, drinking his beer and looking upset) MVO: The better you get at remaining neutral, clinical. (Derek goes inside the trailer and paces some more. He goes back to the porch, slamming the door) MVO: Cut, suture, close. (Izzie watches Alex take a chair and sit with Joe) MVO: And the harder it becomes to turn it off� Joe: Thought I might see your ugly mug in here tonight. Did you hear the good news? MVO: �to stop thinking like a surgeon. (George walks by) Alex: O'Malley! (George stops, turns to look at Izzie, who shrugs her shoulders, then heads back towards Alex) Alex: I heard what you did, champ. (Alex hugs George) MVO: And remember what it means to think like a human being. (Cristina enters Joe's Bar and sits down next to Meredith) Cristina: The clinic has a policy. They wouldn't let me confirm my appointment unless I designated an emergency contact person. Someone to be there, just in case, and to help me home, you know, after. Anyway, I put your name down. That's why I told you I'm pregnant. You're my "person." Meredith: I am? Cristina: Yeah, you are. Whatever. Meredith: Whatever. Cristina: He dumped me. (Meredith lays her head on Cristina's shoulder and put her arm around her) Cristina: You realize this constitutes hugging? Meredith: Shut up. I'm your "person."

Plan: A: the bar; Q: Where does Joe collapse? A: a very expensive standstill surgery; Q: What does Joe need? A: no way; Q: Is there any way Joe can afford the surgery? A: Meredith; Q: Who does Addison request as her intern for the day? A: Meredith's discomfort; Q: What does Addison's request cause? A: Addison; Q: Who requests Meredith as her intern? A: George; Q: Who does Dr. Webber ask to be his "eyes and ears"? A: any information; Q: What does George find it difficult to pass on? A: Cristina; Q: Who tells Meredith she is pregnant? A: Burke; Q: Who breaks off his relationship with Meredith? A: Alex's personal bond; Q: What grows closer between Izzie and Alex? Summary: Joe the bartender collapses in the bar and finds himself in the need of a very expensive standstill surgery that there is no way he'll be able to afford. Much to Meredith's discomfort, Addison requests her as her intern for the day. Still recovering from surgery, Dr. Webber asks George to be his "eyes and ears", but George finds it difficult to pass on any information. Cristina tells Meredith that she is pregnant without revealing the father. When Burke breaks off their relationship, she decides not to tell him either. Izzie and Alex's personal bond grows closer as he shows a more emotional side of himself.

"The Man in the Fallout Shelter" [SCENE_BREAK] [Fade in: Stock footage of the White House at Christmastime fades to the Jefferesonain lab, decorated for Christmas. Angela enters the lab, dressed as an elf, chasing after Brennan. Text on the screen reads: DECEMBER 23RD 6 PM] ANGELA: Sweetie! BRENNAN: Angela, I don't want to. ANGELA: Sweetie, could you stop galloping for, like, two seconds? BRENNAN: Better able to withstand peer pressure when you can't catch me. ANGELA: Call it a favor, okay? BRENNAN: How is me going to a company Christmas party doing you a favor? ANGELA: Remember what happened last year? BRENNAN: I didn't go last year. ANGELA: Yeah, exactly. And it took me weeks to collect all those photocopies. I need you. Friends don't let friends photocopy their butts at company Christmas parties. Hey, there's a Secret Santa. BRENNAN: I don't like Secret Santa. The idea that we are forced by convention to exchange meaningless gifts is... ANGELA: Yeah, yeah, I know. If you rearrange Secret Santa, though, you get Secret Satan. [Angela continues to follow Brennan around the platform, standing by as Brennan begins to examine a skull.] BRENNAN: What possible meaning could that have? ANGELA: I've already had an eggnog, if you can't tell. Now, how am I gonna enjoy this party knowing that my best friend in the whole world is in the lab, eyeball to eyeball with... Skeletor? BRENNAN: Who? ANGELA: He's a cartoon villain who looks like a... You know, his name is self explanatory. Would you please just come to this party? [Brennan exhales.] BRENNAN: Twenty minutes. OS: BOOTH: Bones! All right. [Booth enters the lab, carrying a suitcase.] ANGELA: Merry Christmas, Seeley. BOOTH: Oh, wow. Ooh, what are you, an elf? ANGELA: Yes. What's wrong with a little Christmas spirit? [Brennan grabs the file Booth brought in.] BRENNAN: What's the context? BOOTH: A federal property on Dupont Circle where Congress puts up visiting agricultural specialists, or- or something like that, they're digging to put in a solarium, and they find a fallout shelter with... a skeleton inside. [Brennan looks at a picture of the skeleton.] ANGELA: How long was it in there? BOOTH: Shelter was built in the fifties, part of that whole A-bomb panic. BRENNAN: It's not a suicide. BOOTH: Why not? Hole in the head, you see the gun, it's a suicide. BRENNAN: He shoots himself in the head and somehow his arm ends up across his chest? Bring the skeleton in, I'll prove it wasn't a suicide. BOOTH: Merry Christmas, Bones. [He whistles loudly.] BOOTH: Come on, boys, bring it in. [Two FBI men carry in a stretcher with the skeleton and bring it up onto the platform.] ANGELA: Oh, no. We are going to the company Christmas party. BRENNAN: Well, you go ahead. I'll do a cursory examination and I'll meet you in a few minutes. BOOTH (helping lower the body onto the table): All right. There you go. Wow. [He turns to leave.] BRENNAN: Booth, will you escort Angela to the Christmas party and make sure she doesn't photocopy her butt? BOOTH: Oh, no, no. I can't do that. You see, I got some really last-minute important Christmas shopping that I gotta do. ANGELA (taking his arm): It's not last-minute until tomorrow. BOOTH: Come on, Bones. Bones... [Angela starts to drag him away.] BOOTH: I just- I gotta- ANGELA: Come on. BOOTH: Geez. [Cut to: Hodgins and Zack watching a small robot walk across an empty examination table.] ZACK (to the robot): Stop. [It starts to do a somersault.] ZACK: Stop! [The robot completes it somersault and returns to its feet.] ZACK: Turn. [The robot stops, and Hodgins laughs.] HODGINS: You robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn, it stops. You tell it to stop, it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage, it watches reruns of Firefly. ZACK: After I fix the voice recognition protocols, this is going to blow those Gomers at M.I.T. away. [Hodgins walks across the lab, picking up a glass container with some liquid in it.] HODGINS: Hey, we've got about half a liter of pure alcohol here. Dump it in the eggnog, and we've got the best Christmas party in history. [He pours the alcohol into a beaker.] [Cut to: The lab platform. Brennan examines the fallout shelter skeleton very closely.] [Cut to: Zack is crouched down, examining a skeleton, looking closely at the femur. Hodgins' hand appears, waving a mug in front of his face.] HODGINS: I brought an eggnog. ZACK (standing): I can't drink while I work. HODGINS: Good thing I didn't bring it for you. ZACK: Crystal in Accounting is after you, isn't she? HODGINS: Like Alien after Predator. (to the robot) Sit! [The robot starts to run across the table. Hodgins laughs, and offscreen the robot can be heard falling to the floor.] [Cut to: Lab platform. Brennan pulls something out of the jacket on the skeleton. Booth enters.] BOOTH: What do you got there? BRENNAN: Two open tickets to Paris. One way. Pan Transit Airlines. They're blank. BOOTH: Pan Transit went out of business in the sixties. BRENNAN: I thought you were at the party. BOOTH: Ugh, it wasn't a party, it was a Star Wars convention. [Brennan picks up the remains of a bullet with a pair of tweezers.] BRENNAN: This was still in the skull. BOOTH: .22 caliber. Matches the gun he was holding. Did you open up the suitcase? BRENAN: Nope. BOOTH: Why not? BRENNAN: It could hold information that would compromise my objectivity. BOOTH: Oh, yeah, like a name and address? BRENNAN: I prefer to make unbiased initial observations. [She spots Zack and Hodgins walking across one of the catwalks on the upper level of the lab, Hodgins carrying the beaker of alcohol.] BRENNAN: Is that pure alcohol? ZACK (flustered): Yes, Dr. Brennan. [Hodgins shoots him a dirty look.] BRENNAN: You really think Goodman's gonna let you spike the eggnog after the Fourth of July fiasco? [Hodgins sighs.] HODGINS: We may have to rethink. BRENNAN: Zack, I need you to clean these bones. ZACK: Now? [Hodgins laughs.] HODGINS: Burnt. [He starts to walk off, but Brennan calls out to him, too.] BRENNAN: And I need you to search the clothing for insect evidence. BOOTH: Geez, Bones. Merry Christmas. [From off to the side, Angela speaks.] ANGELA: Okay, you people listen to me. There is a party going on upstairs, okay? A Christmas party. We're going up there. We're gonna talk to some people, we're gonna sing some carols, we're gonna drink some eggnog. [She points at Booth for a moment.] ANGELA: You are going to kiss me under the mistletoe. On the lips. [She turns to Zack and Hodgins.] ANGELA: I might kiss you guys under the mistletoe, too. [She turns to Brennan.] ANGELA: Maybe even you. In a festive, non-lesbian manner. But we are going to that party. [Cut to: Zack and Hodgins, standing over the body. Zack has on a protective mask.] ZACK: Put on a mask. I'm gonna take a couple core samples. HODGINS: Okay. [He holds a mask over his mouth as Zack starts up the saw. As Zack works on the bone, Hodgins pulls his mask away from his mouth to take a sip of eggnog. Dust flies into the air, which the camera follows past Hodgins and into a vent, where lights turn from green to red as the dust sets off a sensor. A loud alarm goes off throughout the lab.] [Cut to: Main lab.] BOOTH: What's that? GOODMAN: Biological contamination. [Cut to: Zack and Hodgins. Both of them dash to the decontamination shower and fight to get in.] [Cut to: The lab platform.] OS: HODGINS (shouting): Zack! [The sliding doors begin to pull shut, and Booth runs at them.] BOOTH: Whoa! ANGELA: The doors seal automatically. Don't worry about it. BOOTH: What do you mean, don't worry about it? BRENNAN: There's no use panicking until we know what it is. BOOTH: What what is? [Hodgins and Zack enter, wet, with towels around their waists.] HODGINS: Uh, we might know. ZACK: I cut into the fallout shelter bones and the biohazard alarm went off. GOODMAN: Were you conforming to autopsy protocol? ZACK: One of us was. HODGINS: The other was... drinking an eggnog. GOODMAN: And you didn't have your mask on. Oh... [Cut to: Brennan's office. The team is conferring with an official, dressed in a Santa costume due to the holidays, via video.] HAL: The pathogen is coccidioidomycosis. GOODMAN: Valley fever? HAL: It was picked up in the scanner in the discharge vent at Mr. Addy's station. BOOTH: What's valley fever? ZACK: It's a fungus that can lead to pneumonia, meningitis, spontaneous abortion, death. GOODMAN: The alarm sounded shortly after Mr. Addy cut into a human bone. That must have been the source. HAL: Was he following autopsy protocol? BRENNAN: Of course. However... HODGINS: I was drinking an eggnog. HAL: And now he's there with you breathing the same air. HODGINS: Hey, I got into the decontamination shower with Zack. Haven't I been through enough hell? BOOTH: Is he contagious? HAL: Dr. Hodgins may have inhaled the spores, yes. BOOTH: Okay, it must suck to be Hodgins right now, but the rest of us, we didn't inhale. So it's okay if I go, right? GOODMAN: Dr. Hodgins may have exhaled the spores all over us. HAL: We have no choice but to impose quarantine. Valley fever can be fatal, and we can't risk a pandemic. Just calm down and let us handle things from this side. BOOTH: Anyone besides me worried that a guy dressed like Santa is in charge? HAL (coldly): Merry Christmas. [The screen shuts off.] BOOTH (at Hodgins and Zack): Okay, you know what? If this is fatal, I will shoot both of you. ANGELA: Maybe you guys could go get dressed. [Hodgins and Zack exit.] [SCENE_BREAK] [TITLE CREDITS] [Fade in: Lab platform. The skeleton is now encased in a plastic dome that covers the examination table.] ZACK: I zapped the bones with ultraviolet light and arranged them on the isolation table so we won't have to worry about spores. In addition, I found this sewn into the lining of his clothing. [He passes the small baggie to Brennan, who examines it to see the ring inside.] BRENNAN: A woman's wedding band. ZACK: Two tickets to Paris, a wedding band, a picture begins to form. BRENNAN: We don't form pictures. We accumulate evidence. Dental work? ZACK: Acrylic resins in the interior fillings from the 1940s. Childhood tibia break. Bad enough that he walked with a limp. (he pulls out another baggie) Also, he wore a toupee. [He passes the bag to Brennan, who looks at the sample.] BRENNAN: It doesn't seem to have degraded. ZACK: It's made of a synthetic called Dynell. It couldn't have looked good. [Cut to: Main lab, later. Six injection needles are laid out on a tray, and the team is assisted by men in full-body protective suits.] HAL: This is a cocktail of four antifungal drugs, including amphotericin B. Orally, you'll be taking ketoconazole, fluconazole, and itraconazole. BOOTH: That's great. Then we can leave? HAL: We won't know for a couple of days if the fungus took hold in your system. [The men in suits proceed to administer the shots to the Jeffersonain team.] BOOTH: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're saying that we're stuck here over Christmas? Look, you know, I have... places to go, you know? I have obligations. GOODMAN: We all have obligations. HODGINS: I'm supposed to go to Quebec. ANGELA: Hey, whose fault is this? HODGINS: Who forced me to go to the party where I drank to much and had to hide from Crystal? ANGELA: Who never should have cut into a bone with a drunken fool in the room? ZACK: Who brought us human remains just to ditch a little paperwork? BOOTH: Oh, you're saying this is my fault? GOODMAN: You knew Dr. Brennan could not resist. BRENNAN: I'd have been able to resist if I was in Niger, where I wanted to be. GOODMAN: You're blaming me. HAL: Ladies and gentlemen, we'll have sleeping bags delivered. Please have your loved ones call me and we'll set up some kind of safe, quarantined visit on Christmas Eve. Oh, and be prepared for side effects. BRENNAN: Nausea, fever, insomnia. HAL: In very rare cases, euphoria, dream state, mild hallucinations. ANGELA: I'll take that, please. HAL: Early symptoms mimic a common cold. GOODMAN: What if it manifests? ZACK: First treatment protocol involves extremely painful injections into the base of the brain. BOOTH: You know what? [They all turn to face Booth, who is staring up towards the ceiling in somewhat of a daze.] BOOTH: I never realized how pretty all this shiny stuff is. HODGINS: That is so not fair. [Cut to: What appears to be an autopsy room, Zack and Hodgins are laid out in opposite directions on two tables, tucked into blue sleeping bags.] HODGINS: Tomorrow I was supposed to leave for Quebec. You wanna know the true meaning of Christmas? It's being inside a 300-year-old inn with a French Canadian masseuse when there's ten feet of snow outside. ZACK: Christmas is going home to Michigan and heading into the woods with your brothers to cut a twelve foot Christmas tree, and you all decorate it together. Brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews. Forty people who all love you and are happy to see you. That, my friend, is the true meaning of Christmas. HODGINS: Nah, I'm gonna have to go with the masseuse on this one. [Cut to: An office, Goodman, in another blue sleeping bag, is laying across the couch with Booth nearby on the floor, on top of his sleeping bag.] BOOTH: What are those little tiny lights dancing on the ceiling? GOODMAN: For the third time, those are minute firings of neurons on your optic nerve due to your reaction to the antifungal cocktail. BOOTH: Wow. They're beautiful. [Goodman chuckles.] GOODMAN: You are stoned, Agent Booth. [Booth laughs, too.] BOOTH: Oh, good. Let's hope it lasts long enough to keep this from being the worst Christmas of my life. GOODMAN: What are you complaining about? I don't like to boast, but I am the spirit of Christmas at my house. I have a wife, and twin five-year-old daughters. [He pulls a photo out of his wallet and passes it to Booth.] GOODMAN: We have family traditions, most important of which is being together for Christmas. BOOTH: Wow. They're beautiful. [He passes the photo back.] BOOTH: You know, I have a kid too. [Booth pulls out a picture of his own.] BOOTH: His name's Parker. He's four years old. [He passes the photo of his son to Goodman.] BOOTH: His mother wouldn't marry me, so my parental rights are totally- GOODMAN: Vague? BOOTH: That word's just a little bit Christmasier than what I was thinking. [Goodman passes the picture back.] GOODMAN: He's a fine looking boy. BOOTH: I get him part of Christmas day. I get him an excellent present every year, something really cool. But, uh, this year... GOODMAN: Yes. This year. BOOTH: What are those little lights on the ceiling again? [Goodman just smirks and shakes his head.] [Cut to: Another office. Brennan and Angela are laid out on the floor in their sleeping bags.] ANGELA: I know it's against your nature, but I need your help. BRENNAN: For what? ANGELA: To make Christmas. BRENNAN: Why? Because we're the girls? ANGELA: Yes. We have to decorate and we have to make our own Secret Santa. BRENNAN: You called it Secret Satan before. ANGELA: It's all so tragic. A cheap wedding ring sewn into his suit, two tickets to Paris. It makes you wonder. Who was the girl? Can you imagine what it was like for her, waiting and wondering, never knowing what happened. BRENNAN: I don't have to imagine. ANGELA: What do you mean? BRENNAN: I'll tell you what I'm gonna do for Christmas. ANGELA: Good, thank you. At last you decide to take part. BRENNAN: I'm gonna solve a murder. [She gets out of her sleeping bag and leaves.] [Cut to: Lab platform. Brennan's looking into a microscope. The text on the screen reads: DECEMBER 24TH. Booth jumps up on the opposite side of the platform, arms in the air, with an elf hat on his head.] BOOTH: Bones, it's after midnight. Hmm? Christmas Eve day. Both an eve and a day. It's a Christmas miracle. BRENNAN: Still enjoying your medication, I see. [He comes over and takes a seat next to Brennan.] BOOTH: Okay, so, what are we looking at? BRENNAN: There are traces of lead and nickel in the dead guy's osteological profile. BOOTH: You don't seem too upset about missing Christmas. BRENNAN: Indications are that Christ, if he existed, was born in late spring and that the celebration of his birth was shifted to coincide with the pagan rite of the winter solstice so that early Christians weren't persecuted. BOOTH: Hmm. What are you, like, the Christmas killer? BRENNAN: It's the truth. BOOTH: It sounds like the truth 'cause it's so rational, right? But, you know, the true truth is that you just- you hate Christmas, so you just spout out all these facts and you ruin it for everyone else. BRENNAN: I ruin the true truth with facts? BOOTH: Yeah, and you ruin it for the squint squad too by making them work on a case about a guy who's been sealed up in a fallout shelter for fifty years. BRENNAN: Well, how would you like me to spend my Christmas? BOOTH: Christmas is the perfect time to reexamine your standing with, you know... [He points upward.] BRENNAN: A helicopter pilot? BOOTH: Oh, right, right. You can't measure the man upstairs in a beaker, so he can't possibly exist. BRENNAN: The man upstairs? BOOTH: Mmm. You know, you don't know if you're sick, but you're more than willing to take drugs just in case. It seems to me you could give the man upstairs the same benefit of the doubt that you do an invisible fungus. [He leaves.] [Cut to: Later, the lower level of the lab. Booth is doing pull-ups on a support bar as Zack and Hodgins come down the stairs.] ZACK: In some cases of valley fever, suppurating skin lesions appear. HODGINS: Could someone in a position of responsibility please order Zack to shut up? [The three men walk over to Goodman, who is standing near a cart of breakfast food as Angela enters from another direction.] ANGELA: Coffee. Coffee. GOODMAN: Good morning, Miss Montenegro. ANGELA: Where'd this come from? GOODMAN: Hazmat team brought it over early this morning. Very appetizing. [He turns to Booth.] GOODMAN: Are you back with us? BOOTH: Yeah, think so. ANGELA: Since we're gonna be stuck together for Christmas, we should make the most of it. BOOTH: How? ANGELA: We'll decorate this place and exchange handmade gifts. GOODMAN: An excellent idea, Miss Montenegro. ZACK: I can get behind that. HODGINS: I'm in. GOODMAN: As am I. BOOTH: How 'bout Bones? [Goodman, Hodgins, and Zack all shake their heads.] BOOTH: Aw, come on. What's the deal with Bones and Christmas? ANGELA: Last night I spun a little story about two young lovers running off to Paris. But the man never shows up, and the woman is left wondering what happened to him. And I say, "Imagine what that must have been like." And Brennan says, "I don't have to." BOOTH: Yeah I- I still don't get it. GOODMAN: Oh my God. BOOTH: What? ANGELA: Brennan's parents disappeared just before Christmas when she was fifteen. GOODMAN: And she never knew what happened to them. BOOTH: Oh, God. That explains a lot. HODGINS: Mm, yeah. GOODMAN: Yeah. ANGELA: Alright, we need a way to choose our Secret Santas. ZACK: I could build a random generator. GOODMAN: Ah, wouldn't it be better to match complimentary people in a premeditated manner? HODGINS: I've got five numbers in my head and five letters. You tell me the number and I'll tell you the matching letter. [As the three of them argue, Booth and Angela begin their own method of choosing, Booth writing names on paper.] GOODMAN: Are the letters sequential or the numbers sequential? HODGINS: Sequential, we'll go in order from oldest to youngest. ZACK: Six. HODGINS: There's no six. GOODMAN: A through E and one through five. [Booth clears his throat to interrupt them, holding up a metal container with the names in it.] BOOTH: Pick a name, and if you get your own, put it back in. GOODMAN: Oh, that could work. HODGINS: Yeah, that's good. ANGELA: Good idea. [Cut to: One of the catwalks above the central lab platform. Booth follows Brennan as she reads paperwork.] BOOTH: Feds seized the house is from a man named Gil Adkins in the sixties. Proceeds of crime from fencing, dealing in jewels, stolen art. Adkins built the shelter in '51, he sealed it in '58, he died in '83. What do you got? BRENNAN: Uh, nothing much special about our victim. You know about the toupee? Below average height, below average weight, a little frail. Had a bad back. He had a hunch, maybe from paperwork. BOOTH: Yeah, so basically a wimp. [Brennan hands him a paper.] BRENNAN: Contents of his pockets. BOOTH: Compass, pen knife, some change. Listen, I got Goodman for this Secret Santa thing, and I don't know what to get- BRENNAN: Anthropologically speaking, gifts are a way of asserting dominance in a group. Now imagine an entire holiday devoted to self-promotion, especially in this materialistic culture. How can you expect me to get behind that? How can you get behind it? BOOTH: Wow, that's deep. That's a very deep pile of crap. BRENNAN: You came to me with information this morning. A peace offering. But it was to make you feel better, not me. Proves my point. [She points to the photo.] BRENNAN: Any idea with this is? BOOTH: No. BRENNAN: Me neither. Try Dr. Goodman. [She starts to walk away.] BOOTH: You know, Bones, you make it very, very hard for me to be nice to you. [Cut to: Hodgins, Angela, Zack, and Goodman, sifting through various science supplies in an effort to make Christmas decorations.] ANGELA: We have to be extremely creative. HODGINS: Maybe string a bunch of test tubes together, fill 'em with luminescent liquids. ANGELA: Nice. Very festive. ZACK: They'll probably give us cancer. GOODMAN: That would be fitting this Christmas. ANGELA: Tidings of joy, gentlemen. Tidings of joy. GOODMAN: Decorations do not a Christmas make. Family and friends make Christmas. HODGINS: We're friends. [Goodman only looks at him.] HODGINS: We're... not friends. GOODMAN: We are colleagues, friends, coworkers, yes, but for a father like myself, like Agent Booth- [Everyone else pauses and looks at him.] GOODMAN: -a few glowing test tubes don't make up with missing Christmas morning with the children. ANGELA: Excuse me? ZACK: Be kind, rewind. HODGINS: Booth has a kid? GOODMAN: Ah. Well... Not common knowledge, I gather. [SCENE_BREAK] [Cut to: Bone storage room. Booth has the contents of the suitcase laid out on a table. Goodman enters.] GOODMAN: I, ah, see you've decided to help Dr. Brennan with the case. BOOTH: Oh, you know, if Angela's right, sure, why not. I mean... a little something for Bones. Call it Christmas spirit. GOODMAN: My thoughts exactly. Um, I thought I might take a look at the contents of the suitcase with you. BOOTH: Why? GOODMAN: Ah, it beats cobbling together Christmas decorations out of pipettes and graduated cylinders. BOOTH: No, I mean, what makes you qualified to look at clues? GOODMAN: Well, I'm an archeologist. I'm good with artifacts. Do you mind? BOOTH: No. Archeologist? I thought you were an administrator. GOODMAN: I didn't start out that way. [He begins to look over the objects on the table.] GOODMAN: He was fastidious. Everything neatly folded as thought by a trained valet. [He picks up a shirt.] GOODMAN: This man was by no means wealthy. All the clothing is well-used and mended. BOOTH (looking at the shirt's tag): Yeah, 'Blackman and Ball, Fine Tailors, Washington D.C.' The rest of his clothes are all labeled from Tulsa, Oklahoma. [Goodman picks up some papers.] GOODMAN: Huh. Female handwriting. BOOTH: How'd you get that? GOODMAN: After Cuneiform, handwriting is a snap. 'Dearest Lionel...' BOOTH: No envelopes, no return address. GOODMAN: No signature either, just this drawing of a leaf. It seems to be dated from the summer of 1957 through to winter of 1958. With your permission, I'll read these? BOOTH: Yeah. Bones thought you might know what, uh, this is here. [Goodman picks up the small object with tweezers as Booth answers his ringing cell phone.] BOOTH (into phone): Oh. Hey, Rebecca. Yeah, thanks for calling. You heard what happened, right? GOODMAN (examining the object): Seems to be some kind of a pouch. BOOTH (into phone): You don't have to see me. Sid agreed to bring him by. Don't make me beg. [Goodman takes notice of Booth's conversation and appears to sympathize with him.] BOOTH (into phone): Thank you. [He hangs up.] GOODMAN: Everything alright? BOOTH: Yeah. [Cut to: Brennan and Hodgins walking across one of the catwalks.] HODGINS: Puparia show Lionel had valley fever. BRENNAN: We sort of knew that. HODGINS: Wow, was that a shot? Because I apologized. I mean, Goodman doesn't get to see his family, Zack doesn't get to see his kids, Booth doesn't get to see his son. At least I'm an accidental Grinch. All due respect, you're the Grinch on purpose. BRENNAN: I have no idea what you're saying to me. HODGINS: The Grinch is a relatively well-known creation of a children's author named Dr. Seuss. Listen, I got Angela for my Secret Santa thing and what I wanna do is blow up a microscopic image of the toxic mold Stachybotrys chartarum because I know she's very interested in fractal imagery. I thought that might appeal to her aesthetically. Do you agree? BRENNAN: I'm not really who you want to talk to about gifts. Wait- Booth has a kid? HODGINS: You didn't know? BRENNAN: No. HODGINS: I wasn't the one who told you. [He leaves.] [Cut to: Upper lounge, Booth is talking on his cell phone, Brennan standing a ways behind him.] BOOTH (into phone): Fall, 1958, heavyweight suit, kinda small, wool, black, first name Lionel, that's all I got... Thanks, I appreciate it, you know, it being Christmas Eve and all. I'll hold. [He turns to Brennan.] BOOTH: Lionel had a suit here made in town. The tailor shop, it still exists. His grandson owns it. But get this: they kept their records. We may be able to find Careful Lionel's last name. BRENNAN: Careful Lionel? BOOTH: Yeah. Little guy, toupee, drank a vitamin tonic, carried his own compass, all of his stuff just so. Careful Lionel. What was he so worried about? BRENNAN: Well, considering how he ended up... Wait, you have a son? BOOTH: Yeah. BRENNAN: You've never mentioned that. BOOTH: Well, nothing brings people together like a Christmas lung fungus. [He turns back to his cell phone.] BOOTH (into phone): Yes... That's great... When? ... Great. Thank you. Merry Christmas. [He hangs up.] BOOTH: Lionel Little. 'Kay, he picked up his new suit November 7th, 1958. He paid cash. He was supposed to come back the next day for a shirt. But get this: he never showed up. It was his wedding shirt. [Brennan sneezes.] BOOTH: Whoa, bless you. [They both realize what that could mean, eyes wide.] BOOTH: Uh oh. Is that valley fever? Bones... [Cut to: The group eating take out food and laughing at a table in the bone storage room, two television screens with animated hearths, compete with stockings hanging over a roaring fire, are in the background.] HODGINS: So if Lionel was a coin collector, that might explain the levels of lead and nickel in his bone. ZACK: When do they insert the needle into your brain? BRENNAN: I sneezed because the air is dry. It's not valley fever. GOODMAN: Any other symptoms? Headache? ZACK: Any foul smelling pustules on your shins? BOOTH: Look, she sneezed twice, that's it. Did you find anything else about the letters? GOODMAN: Quite a lot, yes. They are very, very passionate love letters. BOOTH: Careful Lionel had a girlfriend. GOODMAN: A girlfriend who was in trouble. ANGELA: 'Pregnant,' in trouble? HODGINS: Whoa, apparently Careful Lionel wasn't so careful. BOOTH: Unmarried pregnant girl in Oklahoma in the late fifties... GOODMAN: You suppose Lionel came up here to procure an abortion? ANGELA: You know what? This isn't a very Christmas Eve type story. BRENNAN: Of course it is. The whole Christ myth is built upon the travails of an unwed mother. BOOTH: Okay, can we just stop bringing up the whole Christ myth thing? Alright, some people believe it's more than just a myth. BRENNAN: Well, who besides you? GOODMAN: That would be me, Dr. Brennan. I'm a deacon at my church. ANGELA: I do. Christmas and Easter, anyway. HODGINS: Although I believe organized religion is just another political movement designed to control the masses, doesn't mean God doesn't love me. [Brennan looks to Zack.] ZACK: Hey, I'm a rational empiricist all the way. Unless you talk to my mother. Then I'm Lutheran. BRENNAN: I can understand why you'd be sensitive, Booth. You have a child out of wedlock. [There's a moment of tense silence.] ANGELA: Sweetie... BRENNAN: What? GOODMAN: The letters display a combination of both block and cursive. ANGELA: A combination of both printing and writing? GOODMAN: It would indicate that she may have left school some time in the second grade. Most white children in those days would obtain at least an eighth grade education. BRENNAN: She was African American? GOODMAN: Why I believe so, yes. HODGINS: Is there any way Lionel was an African American? BRENNAN: No, no he was definitely Caucasian. ANGELA: A white man and a pregnant black girl in 1958 Oklahoma. ZACK: That was bad? GOODMAN: It was illegal. HODGINS: In Okalahoma? GOODMAN: Not just Oklahoma, here in D.C. ANGELA: Then why come here? BOOTH: They were running away. Lionel had two tickets to Paris, and where else in 1958 could a white man and a black woman get married and live together? OS: HAL: Visiting hours, folks. [Hal stands in the doorway in a protective suit.] HAL: Who's first? GOODMAN: As director of this institution, I claim that right. [He quickly stands and leaves.] ANGELA: Okay, brief announcement. You guys might recognize my dad, but I don't really want to talk about it, so, thanks. Okay? That's all. [Cut to: Lab sliding glass doors. 'Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas' begins to play as we see clips of Booth, then Hodgins, then Goodman, then Angela waiting impatiently for their family members to arrive on the opposite side.] [Cut to: Goodman. He has a device on his ear, presumably to let him speak with those on the other side of the door. His face lights up as his wife and daughters appear. He crouches down and waves at them.] [Cut to: Hodgins. A brunette woman in a blue jacket, appearing to be his girlfriend, appears on the other side of the door to visit.] [Cut to: Booth, waiting, arms crossed.] [Cut to: Angela. Her father, a ZZ Top member, appears, and she smiles.] [Cut to: Brennan, off to the side, watching her coworkers interact with their families.] [Cut to: Zack. On the other side of the door from him is a large group of family members. They all wave, and he laughs.] [Cut to: Booth. Sid appears on the opposite side of the glass with Parker. Booth crouches down to his son's level, smiling.] [Cut to: Hodgins. He kisses his girlfriend through the glass.] [Cut to: Zack. A middle aged man on the other side of the door tells a story, wildly gesticulating, and the group laughs.] [Cut to: Brennan, off to the side, smiling.] [Cut to: Booth. He and his son both put their hands up to the glass.] [Cut to: Angela, who does the same as she talks with her father.] [Cut to: Hodgins. Both he and the woman put their hands up to the glass as well, over the lipstick marks on the door.] [Cut to: Goodman, who puts his hand up to the door against that of one of his daughters.] [Cut to: Zack. All his family members have a hand up to the glass, and he walks down the door, pressing his hand against each one.] [Cut to: Angela, then Hodgins, then Zack, then Goodman, then Booth all say goodbye and watch as their visitors leave.] [Cut to: Angela's office. On the Angelator is a three-dimensional Christmas tree. Brennan stands looking at it as Angela enters behind her.] ANGELA: You like it? BRENNAN: It's very beautiful. ANGELA: It's not done yet. We can put our presents under there, and we can... You think it's stupid. BRENNAN: No, Ange. What were your Christmas plans? [They make their way to the couch and sit down.] ANGELA: My dad and I get together, somewhere quiet, exchange gifts. Just the two of us. Since I was a kid, getting some time alone with my dad was always difficult. What is it with you and gifts, anyway? [Brennan doesn't answer, looking away.] ANGELA: I know your parents disappeared just before Christmas. BRENNAN: My brother Russ was nineteen and we were still in the house. ANGELA: That must've been strange. [Brennan gives a small nod.] BRENNAN: Russ found our presents in my parents' room... [Booth arrives in the doorway. Brennan, with her back to him, doesn't notice.] BRENNAN: ...and Christmas Eve, when I was asleep, he snuck down and made Christmas, trying to do the right thing for me. ANGELA: Christmas for his little sister. BRENNAN: But when I came down and saw the lights and the presents... ANGELA: You thought your parents were back. BRENNAN: I just expected to see them, sitting there, drinking their coffee, watching Russ and me open our presents. ANGELA: Oh my God. BRENNAN: I kind of lost it. I refused to open the presents until they came back... It was like I told Russ he wasn't enough family for me. Before New Years, he went out west to work and I was in the foster system. BOOTH: Excuse me... We have Lionel's Missing Persons file. BRENNAN: The tree is really, really beautiful, Ange. Really. [She gets up and leaves.] [Cut to: Catwalk above the main lab. Goodman, Booth, and Brennan are sitting on the edge, their legs dangling over the side.] BOOTH: Lionel Little was born May 19th, 1934, Tulsa Oklahoma. GOODMAN: 24 years old. BRENNAN: Fits the remains. BOOTH: According to the Missing Persons report lodged by his boss in January of 1960, Lionel Little worked as a lease inspector for Silver Cloud Petroleum out of Tulsa, Oklahoma. GOODMAN: Basically an accountant. BOOTH: Yeah. You know what, you were right about Lionel's coin collection. When Lionel vanished, so did most of his extensive coin collection. That was attached to the file. GOODMAN: Did the coins ever show up? BOOTH: Yeah, though D.C., Maryland, Virginia, Pennsylvania. The sales were traced to a Gil Adkins. Yeah, he made out about eight thousand dollars selling those coins. BRENNAN: Adkins killed Lionel for a coin collection? GOODMAN: Eight thousand dollars in 1958 translates to roughly sixty-four thousand dollars. BOOTH: Careful Lionel gets a young black girl pregnant, he sells his coin collection so he can them move to Paris and they can live together. GOODMAN: He offers the coins for sale to Adkins, who figures it'd be easier to kill the country bumpkin and steal the coins. BOOTH: Oh, also, um, the last person to see Lionel was a woman who cleaned his office, Ivy Gillespie. GOODMAN: What's the significance of that? BOOTH: Does this look like an ivy leaf to you? [Booth passes Goodman one of the letters, pointing to the leaf signature on the bottom.] GOODMAN: Ivy Gillespie. Race: Negro. BRENNAN: Oh my God. OS: ANGELA: You have to find her. [Angela appears below them, on the lab platform.] ANGELA: Ivy. GOODMAN: Ivy Gillespie may not even be alive and if she is, this could be a reminder of an extremely painful time of her life. What would we accomplish? ANGELA: You have to find the girl and tell her what you know. [She looks to Brennan.] ANGELA: Don't you see? You can give her the answer that you never got. BRENNAN: Angela. ANGELA: I'm sorry, sweetie, but it's true. You have a chance here. BRENNAN: To say what? "Merry Christmas, Ivy Gillespie, your fiancé was murdered and your life was ruined, but hey, at least you get to know what happened to him."? ANGELA: Don't you wish somebody had said that to you? [There's a pause.] BRENNAN: Yes. [She gets up and exits.] [Cut to: Later, Brennan's office. She is working frantically to get in contact with Ivy Gillespie.] BRENNAN (into phone): I realize it's Christmas Eve, but it's extremely important that I find Miss Ivy Gillespie. We know that she was a cleaning lady at the Silver Cloud Petroleum in 1958 and 1959. After that, we don't know... [Cut to: Hodgins working on his Secret Santa gift, concentrating on cutting a paper with an x-acto knife.] VO: BRENNAN: I wouldn't interrupt your Christmas- [Cut to: Zack, working on his robot.] VO: BRENNAN: -except this is very, very important to a friend of mine. I don't want to take time from your family- [Cut to: Goodman, working on his own Secret Santa gift.] VO: BRENNAN: -but I have extremely important news for Miss Gillespie regarding a loved one. [Cut to: Booth, with a stack of paper, cutting some of them.] VO: BRENNAN: Do you have an address or a place of work or... anything? [Cut to: Angela, drawing on a pad of paper.] VO: BRENNAN: I've made dozens of calls this evening in an effort to track this woman down. It's that important. [Cut to: Brennan, on the phone, in her office. She hangs up the phone. Time lapse: she's on the phone again.] BRENNAN (into phone): Assisted living? Is her last name still Gillespie? [We see Brennan using the internet to search for assisted living homes in Maryland.] BRENNAN (into phone): Yes, Merry Christmas to you, too. [Time lapse. Brennan is still on the phone. Angela enters in the background to put her Secret Santa gift under the tree. As Brennan talks on the phone, the others come in and put their gifts below the three-dimensional tree.] BRENNAN (into phone): Hello? Yes, I was wondering if you could tell me if you have any guests there first name Ivy, born January 21st, 1934, she'd be African American... Yes, I apologize, I should've started with Merry Christmas. [Time lapse: Angela is asleep on the couch, Brennan still on the phone. Text on the screen reads: CHRISTMAS DAY.] BRENNAN (into phone): Date of birth is January 21st, 1934. She's African American... Yes, Ivy. Her name is still Gillespie? Yes, if her granddaughter's right there... Yes, hello, I'm Dr. Temperance Brennan from the Jeffersonian Institution in D.C. I have information that might be very interesting to your grandmother. [Angela awakens and sits up.] BRENNAN (into phone): I can be reached through the Medico-Legal lab here at the Jeffersonian. And tell her Merry Christmas. [She hangs up.] ANGELA: You found Ivy Gillespie. [Brennan nods.] BRENNAN: In an assisted living facility near Bethesda. I spoke to her granddaughter. ANGELA: Thank you. BRENNAN: She might not get in touch with us. ANGELA: She will BRENNAN: Because it's Christmas? ANGELA: Yes. [Cut to: Brennan's office. She's seated at her desk, with some of Lionel's things. She picks up one of the coins and slides it into the small pouch. Booth enters.] BOOTH: You find something? BRENNAN: Two things that fit together. BOOTH: Angela sent me. She says it's Christmas. BRENNAN: Okay. BOOTH: You still think there's more to learn about Lionel Little and Ivy Gillespie? BRENNAN: There's always more to learn. [He moves to leave.] BRENNAN: Hey. I'm sorry you didn't get Christmas morning with your little boy. BOOTH: Thanks. [He walks away.] [Cut to: Angela's office. The rest of the group is gathered, and Brennan enters.] ANGELA: Good. Okay, everybody. Stand over here. [She leads them nearer to the Angelator.] ANGELA: Close your eyes. [They do, and she fiddles with the control pad to bring up her three-dimensional Christmas tree, now complete.] ANGELA: Open your eyes. [They open their eyes, and impressed by the sight before them, commend Angela on her work with kind words and applause. They all hug and shake hands, wishing each other merry Christmas. As the group continues to fawn over the tree, Brennan slips out of the room.] [Cut to: Angela's office, later. The group is opening presents. Angela is working the wrapping off of her gift.] ANGELA: Look at all these gifts! BOOTH: We should be drinking eggnog while we're doing this. ANGELA: I wonder what this is. [She pulls out the framed picture.] ANGELA: Oh my God. It's beautiful. What is it? HODGINS: It's... prettier if you don't know the details. GOODMAN: That is beautiful. ANGELA: Thank you. [Goodman is next, opening his box.] GOODMAN: I wonder what it is. ANGELA: What did you get? [He pulls out an intricately crafted bird made out of paper.] GOODMAN: Very impressive. OS: HODGINS: Whoa... GOODMAN: You made this? BOOTH: Yeah. GOODMAN: Thank you. ZACK: I'm next. [He slides the tie off of his present, a rolled-up sheet of paper.] ANGELA: It's from me. [He unrolls the paper to see a drawing of a large group of people.] ZACK: It's my family. And me. Thank you. ANGELA: You're welcome. [Hodgins opens his gift, pulling out a replica of a beetle.] GOODMAN: Arabara sassar. HODGINS: A sacred scarab. That is excellently rendered, sir. Thank you. ANGELA: That's cool. GOOMAN: You're very welcome. [Booth opens up his gift, pulling out the small robot.] BOOTH: Wow. Zack, that's, uh- ZACK: Self-propelled, nonautonomic unit. HODGINS: It's a robot. ZACK: I thought if we get out of here in time today, you could give it to your son. BOOTH: Merry Christmas. [He gives Zack a vigorous, enthusiastic handshake.] OS: ANGELA: Oh, Zack. BOOTH: Thanks a lot. ZACK: You're welcome. [They each look down at their gifts with fondness.] [Cut to: Brennan sitting in her office, staring at an enlarged photo of the earlier coin from the pouch on her computer screen. Booth enters.] BOOTH: Look, Bones, here's the thing. What if a gift goes both ways? What's wrong with that? BRENNAN: Look at this. BOOTH: Yeah, it's a penny. BRENNAN: It's not just a penny, it's a 1943 bronze one-cent piece. BOOTH: Look, all I'm saying is maybe the real gift is when you accept something with a little grace. BRENNAN (holding up the coin): Over a billion pennies were minted in 1943, most of them in steel to conserve copper for World War II, but a handful were struck in an old style bronze planchette. Only about twelve of them exist today. BOOTH: Whoa. And this is one of 'em? BRENNAN: Yes. BOOTH: Huh. How much is it worth? BRENNAN: Over a hundred thousand dollars. [Booth places the coin back in Brennan's hand extremely carefully.] BRENNAN: Lionel never showed Gil Adkins the best part of his collection. Adkins murdered him, never knew there was a fortune in his pocket. BOOTH: Well, it looks like Careful Lionel got the last laugh. [Goodman appears in the doorway.] GOODMAN: Ready? It's time for our test results. [Cut to: Lab entryway. Hal and another man are in protective suits around a machine with two monitors. The Jeffersonian group waits on the lab steps. The top monitor flashes a green bar.] BOOTH: Green, green. Is that green as in go, or green as... stick a needle in your brain? [Hal takes off the head covering of the suit.] HAL: Merry Christmas. [Everyone but Brennan hurries off of the stairs as the doors unlock with a loud buzzing noise.] HODGINS: Yes! We are outta here! Merry Christmas everyone! [After the rest of the group has left, Booth hesitates and turns back toward Brennan.] BRENNAN: Go. Go have Christmas. Wish your boy merry Christmas for me. BOOTH: I'm at Wong Foo's if you decide you want company. [She gives a small nod of understanding.] BOOTH: Merry Christmas, Bones. [He leaves. Brennan turns to walk back up through the lab.] OS: LISA: Excuse me. [Brennan turns back to see two black women entering. She walks over to them.] LISA: Hi, my name is Lisa Pearce, and this is my grandmother Ivy Gillespie. Are you Dr. Brennan? BRENNAN: Yes. [Cut to: Brennan's office. Ivy is seated on the couch, examining the wedding band from Lionel's jacket. Lisa sits and Brennan stands nearby.] IVY: I gave birth to a half-white in Oklahoma, 1960. Lionel's daughter. Raised her myself. No education. Got her to college. She died eight years ago. LISA: And grandma raised me after that. IVY: Her mother was a nurse, and Lisa's gonna be a doctor. LISA: Grandma, I can't afford college. [Ivy shakes her head.] IVY: So Lionel was murdered? BRENNAN: In 1959, yes, by a man named Gil Adkins. IVY: And you can figure that out all this time later? BRENNAN: He had these. [She hands Ivy the tickets from the suitcase. Upon looking at them, Ivy is touched.] IVY: Tickets to Paris? LISA: Grandma, isn't that what he promised you? A life in France? IVY: I thought the worst of him. LISA: Thank you, Dr. Brennan. BRENNAN: I have something even better. [She hands Lisa the penny.] IVY: What could be better, if giving me back my life? LISA: It's a penny. BRENNAN: There's something you oughta know about that penny. [Cut to: Wong Foo's. Brennan walks through the door and sits herself next to Booth at the bar. Sid approaches, Santa hat on his head, with glasses of eggnog.] BRENNAN: Drinks. SID: Ah, yes. Christmas spirits, well, the come in many a guise. BOOTH: Cheers. [All three clink glasses.] BRENNAN: Ivy Gillespie came to the lab after you left, with her granddaughter. [Booth only smiles.] BRENNAN: Don't you want to know what happened? BOOTH: I know what happened. You told her about Careful Lionel. You showed her the letters, the tickets. She cried. But you made her happy. BRENNAN: Not to mention I gave her a penny worth over a hundred thousand dollars. BOOTH: She won't care about that today. You just gave somebody the best Christmas gift they could every get. Who's the Secret Santa now? [He nudges at her with his elbow playfully.] BRENNAN: Stop. [Zack's small robot, on the counter nearby, leans forward and starts doing push-ups in response to Brennan's voice.] BOOTH: Whoa. [They laugh.] BOOTH: And that weirdo assistant of yours just made me the coolest dad in the world. OS: PARKER: Daddy! [Parker comes running towards Booth.] PARKER: Daddy! [Booth picks him up and kisses him on the cheek.] BOOTH (handing him the robot): Hey, look. Look at this thing. PARKER: Can it flip? BOOTH: How cool, it can flip, trip, swim, whatever you want. [He leans close to Parker's ear.] BOOTH (in a whisper): Can you say 'Merry Christmas'? PARKER (to Brennan): Merry Christmas! [Brennan waves to Parker, who returns the gesture, before Booth turns and leaves. Parker waves again over his father's shoulder as he's carried off.] BOOTH: Okay, big guy... [Cut to: The empty lab. All the lights and decorations switch on. Brennan is standing at the foot of the lab platform. 'Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas' begins to play in the background.] [Cut to: Brennan's office. She pulls a green box out of a cabinet behind her desk.] [Cut to: Angela's office. The green box is open underneath the three-dimensional Christmas tree. Brennan takes one of the few gifts inside over to the couch. The envelope with the present has her first name on it, and she opens it, pulling out a Christmas card of a Santa with sunglasses, the front reading 'Ho! Ho! Ho!' and the inside reading 'Merry Christmas!'. Underneath the generic message is written, in pen, 'To our Temperance, Much Love, Mom and Dad, Merry Christmas'. She sets the card down and picks up the present. She peels off some of the wrapping paper and pulls out a plain white box. She opens up the box, looks inside, and smiles, teary eyed.] [Fade to black.]

Plan: A: Construction workers; Q: Who found the skeleton? A: a skeleton; Q: What do construction workers find in an old fallout shelter? A: the 1950s; Q: When was the fallout shelter built? A: Jeffersonian; Q: What is the name of the lab that is brought in to help identify the remains? A: Zack; Q: Who accidentally released spores of the deadly fungus Valley Fever? A: the deadly fungus Valley Fever; Q: What deadly fungus is released when Zack cuts into the bone? A: the team; Q: Who is quarantined in the lab? A: the holiday spirit; Q: What does the team try to maintain? A: Booth and Brennan's team; Q: Who is reminded that this is a rough time of year for Brennan? A: her parents; Q: Who went missing right before Christmas? A: a kid; Q: What was Brennan when her parents went missing? A: closure; Q: What does Brennan work to bring to the family of the missing man? Summary: Construction workers find a skeleton in an old fallout shelter from the 1950s and the Jeffersonian is brought in to help identify the remains. When Zack cuts into the bone, he accidentally releases spores of the deadly fungus Valley Fever, causing the team to be quarantined in the lab over Christmas. While everyone tries to maintain the holiday spirit, Brennan buckles down to solve the mystery of the fallout shelter. Booth and Brennan's team are reminded that this is a rough time of year for Brennan, since her parents went missing right before Christmas when she was a kid. As Brennan works to bring closure to the family of the missing man - something she has yet to receive about her own parents - the time spent together in the lab provides the catalyst for revealing information about all of them.

Scott: Lock it, lock it! Stiles: Do I look like I have a key? Scott: Grab something! Stiles: What? Scott: Anything! Scott: No. Stiles: Yes. Scott: Stiles, no, don't. Scott: Run! Stiles! Stiles! Scott: Where is it? Where did it go? That won't hold, will it? Stiles: Probably not. Stiles: The desk. Stop, stop. The door's not gonna keep it out. Scott: I know. Stiles: It's your boss. Scott: What? Stiles: Deaton, the alpha? Your boss. Scott: No. Stiles: Yes, murdering psycho werewolf. Scott: That can't be. Stiles: Oh come on. He disappears, and that thing shows up ten seconds later to toss Derek 20 feet through the air? That's not convenient timing? Scott: It's not him. Stiles: He killed Derek. Scott: No, Derek's not dead. He can't be dead. Stiles: Blood spurted out of his mouth, okay? That doesn't exactly qualify as a minor injury. He's dead, and we're next. Scott: Okay, just - What do we do? Stiles: We get to my jeep, we get out of here, you seriously think about quitting your job, good? Stiles: No, they don't open. The school's climate - controlled. Scott: Then we break it. Stiles: Which will make a lot of noise. Scott: Then, uh, then we run really fast. Really fast. Stiles, what's wrong with the hood of your jeep? Stiles: What do you mean? Nothing's wrong. Scott: It's bent. Stiles: What, like, dented? Scott: No, I mean bent. Stiles: What the hell - Stiles: That's my battery. Scott: Don't. Stiles: We have to move. Scott: He could be right outside. Stiles: He is right outside. Scott: Just let me take a look. Stiles: Nothing? Scott: No. Stiles: Move now? Scott: Move now. Scott: This way. Stiles: No, no, no, no. Scott: What? Stiles: Somewhere without windows. Scott: Every single room in this building has windows. Stiles: Or somewhere with less windows. Scott: The locker room. Stiles: Yeah. Scott: Okay. Scott: Call your dad. Stiles: And tell him what? Scott: I don't know, anything. Gas leak, a fire, whatever. If that thing sees the parking lot filled with cop cars, it'll take off. Stiles: What if it doesn't? What if it goes completely Terminator and kills every cop in sight, including my dad? Scott: They have guns. Stiles: Yeah, and Derek had to be shot with a wolfsbane - laced bullet to even slow him down, you remember that? Scott: Then we - we have to - We have to find a way out and just run for it. Stiles: There's nothing near the school for at least a mile. Scott: What about Derek's car? Stiles: That could work. We go outside, we get the keys off his body, and then we take his car. Scott: And him. Stiles: Fine. Whatever. Stiles: What? Scott: I think I heard something. Stiles: Like what? Scott: Quiet. Scott: Hide. No, no, Stiles. No. Janitor: Son of a bitch! Stiles: Quiet! Janitor: Quiet my ass, what the hell are you trying to do, kill me? Both of you get out. Stiles: Will you just listen for half a second, okay? Janitor: Not okay. Get the hell out of here right Now. Stiles: God, just one second to explain. Janitor: Just shut up and go. Stiles: Go! Go! Jackson: Lydia says we're coming to Get you. Allison: Please don't. Okay, I'm sure he's on his way. He's only - 26 minutes late. Lydia: You hear that? First it's "He's only 26 minutes late," a month later it's "He Only hits me when he's drunk." Slippery slope, Allison. Slippery slope. Jackson: We're picking you up. Allison: No. Jackson: Too late. Lydia gets what Lydia wants. Come on, get in. We can stop by his place and see if he's there. Lydia: Is that him with the best explanation ever of why he's half a freaking hour late? Allison: Not exactly. Stiles: What the hell? Scott: It's a dumpster. Stiles: He pushed it in front of the door to block us in. Come on, help me. Scott: Stop! Stiles: I'm not dying here. I'm not dying at school. Scott: We're not going to die. Stiles: God, what is he doing? What does he want? Scott: Me. Derek says it's stronger with a pack. Stiles: Oh, great. A psychotic werewolf who's into teen work. That's - that's beautiful. Jackson: What're they doing here anyway? Allison: All I got was this. Lydia: They lock the doors at night, you know? Allison: That one's open. Jackson: You don't need me to state the obvious, right? Allison: That it looks like they broke into the school? No, pretty obvious. Jackson: Do you want me to come with you? Allison: It's okay. Jackson: Hey, Allison - Allison: You have this look like you're about to say "Be Careful." Jackson: I am. What? Allison: That concerned look on you, I've never seen it before. Jackson: Well, I am concerned. Allison: Well, that's a good look on you. Don't worry. I'll be right back. Jackson: Okay. Stiles: What? Scott: Go. Stiles: All right, we have to do something. Scott: Like what? Stiles: I don't know. Kill it, hurt it, inflict mental anguish on it. Something. Scott: What are you doing? Stiles: The desk. Come on, the desk. Scott: He can't - Stiles: All right. Jackson: Do you see that? Lydia: See what? Jackson: The hood on that piece of crap jeep looks crappier than usual. Lydia: Where are you going? Jackson: To take a look, stay here. Lydia: I'm not staying in the car. Jackson: Just stay in the damn - Lydia: Do not leave me alone in the car. Jackson: Fine. God, don't have a meltdown. Lydia: Look at that. It is indeed a piece of crap. Can we get Allison and leave now? What are you doing? Are you getting Allison? Jackson! Stiles: Come on, get across. Come on! Scott: What? Scott: What are you doing? Stiles: I just wanna get a look at It. Scott: Are you crazy? Stiles: Look, it's trapped, okay? It's not gonna get out. Yeah, that's right, we got you - Scott: Will you shut up! Stiles: I'm not scared of this thing. I'm not scared of you. Right, 'cause you're in there, and we're out here. You're not going any - Allison: Scott? Scott? Scott? Scott? Scott? [SCENE_BREAK] Lydia: There's one right here. Jackson: Are you kidding me? You have to use the bathroom now? Lydia: Yes now. You have a problem with my performing a basic biological function? Jackson: You know, I'm starting to have a problem with all of your functions. Jackson: McCall. Scott? Derek? Lydia: Did you find them? Jackson: No, no. Scott: Wait. Do you hear that? Stiles: Hear what? Scott: It sounds like a phone ringing. Stiles: What? Scott: I know that ring. It's Allison's phone. Allison: Hey. I can't seem to find them. Okay, give me a second and I'll be right there. Stiles? Scott: No, it's me, where are you? Allison: I'm in the school looking for you, why weren't you at my place? Scott: Where are you right now? Allison: On the first floor. Scot: Where? Where are you exactly? Allison: The swimming pools. Scott: Get to the lobby. Go now. Allison: Okay, okay, I'm coming. Scott: Why did you come? What are you doing here? Allison: Because you asked me to. Scott: I asked you to? Allison: Why do I get the feeling you didn't send this message? Scott: Because I didn't. Stiles: Did you drive here? Allison: Jackson, did. Scott: Jackson's here too? Allison: And Lydia, what's going on? Who sent this text? Where are you? Lydia: Finally. Can we go now? Scott: Run! Scott: Help me get this in front of the door. Stiles: Scott, wait, not here. Allison: What was that? Scott, what was that? Lydia: What came out of the ceiling? Scott: Will you just help me? The chairs, stack the chairs. Stiles: Guys - Can we just wait a second? You guys, listen to me, w - Can we wait a second? Guys? Stiles talking. Can we hang on one second, please? Hello! Okay, nice work. Really beautiful job, everyone. Now - what should we do about the 20 foot wall of windows? Allison: Can somebody please explain to me what's going on, because I'm freaking out here. And I would like to know why. Scott? Stiles: Somebody killed the janitor. Lydia: What? Stiles: Yeah, the janitor's dead. Allison: What's he talking about? Is this a joke? Jackson: What, who killed him? Lydia: No, no, no, no. This was supposed to be over. The mountain lion killed - Jackson: No, don't you get it? There wasn't a mountain lion. Allison: Who was it? What does he want? What's happening? Scott! Scott: I - I don't know. I - I just - If - if we go out there, he's gonna kill us. Lydia: Us? He's gonna kill us? Allison: Who? Who is it? Scott: It's Derek. It's Derek Hale. Jackson: Derek killed the janitor? Allison: Are you sure? Scott: I saw him. Lydia: The mountain li - Scott: No, Derek killed them. Allison: All of them? Scott: Yeah, starting with his own sister. Allison: The bus driver? Scott: And the guy in the video store - it's been Derek the whole time. He's in here with us. And if we don't get out now - He's going to kill us too. Jackson: Call the cops. Stiles: No Jackson: Wh - what do you mean "No?" Stiles: I mean no. You wanna hear it in spanish? No. Look, Derek killed three people, okay? We don't know what he's armed with. Jackson: Your dad is armed with an entire sheriff's department. Call him. Lydia: I'm calling. Stiles: No, Lydia, would you just hold on a sec - Scott: Hey. Lydia: Yes, we're at Beacon Hills high school. We're trapped, and we need you to - but - She hung up on me. Allison: The police hung up on you? Lydia: She said they got a tip warning them that there are gonna be prank calls about a break - in at the high school. She said if I called again that they're gonna trace it and have me arrested. Allison: Okay, then call again. Stiles: No, they won't trace a cell and they'll send a car to your house before they send anyone here. Allison: What the-what - what is this? Why does Derek wanna kill us? Why is he killing anyone? Scott: Why's everyone looking at me? Lydia: Is he the one that sent her the text? Scott: No. I mean, I don't know. Allison: Is he the one that called the police? Scott: I don't know! Stiles: All right, why don't we ease back on the throttle here, yeah? Stiles: Okay, first off, throwing Derek under the bus, nicely done. Scott: I didn't know what to say. I had to say something. And if he's dead then it doesn't matter, right? Except if he's not. Oh, god, I totally just bit her head off. Stiles: And she'll totally get over it. Bigger issues at hand here, like how do we get out alive? Scott: But we are alive. It could've killed us already. It's like it's cornering us or something. Stiles: So what, he wants to eat us all at the same time? Scott: No! Derek said it wants revenge. Stiles: Against who? Scott: Allison's family? Stiles: Maybe that's what the text was about. Someone had to send it. Jackson: Okay, assheads - new plan. Stiles calls his useless dad and tells him to send someone with a gun and decent aim. Are we good with that? Scott: He's right. Tell him the truth if you have to, just - just call him. Stiles: I'm not watching my dad get eaten alive. Jackson: All right, give me the phone. Allison: Jackson! Are you okay? Hey, are you okay? Stiles: Dad, hey, it's me. And it's your voice mail. Look, I need you to call me back now. Like, right now. We're at the school. Dad, we're at the school. Lydia: Oh my god. Stiles: The kitchen, the door out of the kitchen leads to the stairwell. Scott: Which only goes up. Stiles: Up is better than here. Scott: Jackson, how many people can fit in your car? Jackson: Five, if someone squeezes on someone's lap. Allison: Five? I barely fit in the back. Stiles: It doesn't matter. There's no getting out without drawing attention. Scott: What about this? This leads to the roof. We can go down the fire escape to the parking lot in, like, seconds. Stiles: That's a deadbolt. Scott: The janitor has a key. Stiles: You mean his body has it. Scott: I can get it. I can find him by scent, by blood. Stiles: Well, gee, that sounds like an incredibly terrible idea. What else you got? Scott: I'm getting the key. Allison: Are you serious? Scott: Well, it's the best plan. Someone has to get the key if we wanna get out of here. Allison: You can't go out there unarmed. Scott: Well, it's better than nothing. Stiles: There's gotta be something else. Lydia: There is. Stiles: What are we gonna do? Throw acid on him? Lydia: No. Like a fire bomb. In there is everything you need to make a self - igniting molotov cocktail. Stiles: Self - igniting - Lydia: - molotov cocktail. What? I read it somewhere. Stiles: We don't have a key for that either. Lydia: Jackson, hand me the sulfuric acid. Allison: No. No, this is insane, you can't do this. You cannot go out there. Scott: We can't just sit here waiting for Stiles' dad to check his messages. Allison: You could die. Don't you get that? He's killed three people. Scott: And we're next. Somebody has to do something. Allison: Scott, just stop. Do you remember - do you remember when you told me you knew whether or lying? That I had a tell. Well, so do you. You're a horrible liar. And you've been lying all night. Just - just please - please don't go. Please don't leave us. Please. Scott: Lock it behind me. Allison: I don't get this. I don't get why he's out there, and why he left us. And I can't - I can't stop my hands from shaking. Jackson: It's okay. It's okay, it's gonna be okay. Allison: Okay. Lydia: Jackson, you handed me the sulfuric acid, right? It has to be sulfuric acid. It won't ignite if it's not. Jackson: I gave you exactly what you asked for tonight. Lydia: Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure you did. Scott: Come on. Come get me. Damn it. Jackson: No, I'm fine. Like, seriously, I'm okay. Allison: That didn't sound okay at all. Stiles: What's on the back of your neck? Jackson: I said I'm fine. Lydia: It's been there for days. He won't tell me what happened. Jackson: As if you actually care. Stiles: All right, can we not argue for half a second here? Allison: Where's Scott? He should be back by now. Allison: Scott! Scott! Lydia: Where's he going? Allison: Scott. Scott. Scott! Scott! Lydia: Stop. Stop! Do you hear that? Listen! Sheriff: You sure it was Derek Hale? Scott: Yes. Stiles: I saw him too. Scott: What about the janitor? Sheriff: We're still looking. Scott: Did you check under the bleachers? Under them? Sheriff: Yeah, Scott, we looked. We pulled them out just like you asked, there's nothing. Scott: I'm not making this up. Sheriff: I know, I believe you, I do. Scott: No, you don't. You have this look like you feel bad for me. Like you wanna believe me, but I know you don't. Sheriff: Listen - We're gonna search this whole school. We're gonna find him. Okay? I promise. Deputy: Sheriff! Sheriff: Stay. Both of you. Stiles: Well, we survived, dude. You know? We outlasted the alpha. It's still good, right? Being alive? Scott: When we were in the chemistry room, he walked right by us. You don't think that it heard us? You don't think it knew exactly where we were? Stiles: Well, then how come we're still alive? Scott: It wants me in its pack. But I think, first - I have to get rid of my old pack. Stiles: What do you mean? What old pack? Scott: Allison. Jackson, Lydia. You. Stiles: The alpha doesn't wanna kill us. Scott: It wants me to do it. And that's not even the worst part. Stiles: How in holy hell is that not the worst part, Scott? Scott: Because when he made me shift - I wanted to do it. I wanted to kill you. All of you. Deaton: There you are. Scott: How - ? How did you - Deaton: Get out? Not easily. And from what they tell me, I'm alive because of you. I think I owe you a raise. Sheriff: Guys, come on, let's let the EMT's do their job. You can talk to him later. Scott: Allison! Are you okay? Allison: My dad's on his way. Scott: You need, uh, you need anything from me? Want me to go with you? Allison: No. I don't. Scott: Okay. Allison: And I also don't know what happened to you in there. I don't know what you were thinking. Maybe you weren't, but - Right now, I don't - I don't feel like I can trust you. Scott: Allison, I can explain. Allison: I don't care. Scott: Okay, don't say anything else, please, just don't say - Allison: Scott, I ca - Scott: Allison, just stop. Please, just don't say anything. Stiles' dad is gonna give me a ride home. I need to make sure my mom isn't freaking out. I'm gonna get a new phone tomorrow morning, and - I'm gonna get a new phone, and I'm gonna give you a call - Allison: Don't. Scott: What? Allison: Don't call. Just - Just please don't call me

Plan: A: Scott's howl; Q: What does the alpha respond to? A: their high school; Q: Where are Scott and Stiles trapped? A: Events; Q: What escalates? A: Allison; Q: Who breaks up with Scott? A: a phony text message; Q: What lured Allison, Jackson, and Lydia to the school? Summary: Responding to Scott's howl, the alpha savages Derek and traps Scott and Stiles in their high school. Events escalate even further when Allison, Jackson and Lydia are lured to the school as well with a phony text message. At the end of the night, Allison breaks up with Scott after saying she cannot trust him.

THE AWAKENING BY: ERIC PRINGLE Part Two First Air Date: 20 January 1984 Running time: 24:47 [SCENE_BREAK] JANE: Doctor, are you all right? JANE: Are you sure you're all right? DOCTOR: Yes. JANE: It's a face. DOCTOR: Look at it. Does it look familiar? JANE: Yes, I, I've seen it before. DOCTOR: Behind you. JANE: But that's a representation of the devil! DOCTOR: Yes. It's interesting, isn't it? DOCTOR: So there you are. JANE: What's that? DOCTOR: Psychic projection. Over here, Will. JANE: It looks so real. DOCTOR: Well, to all intents and purposes he is. CHANDLER: It were like that before. Battle's coming. DOCTOR: No, Will, come back. CHANDLER: I'm not going to war again. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: All right, all right. You've made your point. HUTCHINSON: One by one, you and your companions will return to my fold, and you will never get out again. It is a pity you've seen this. Lock him up. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Stand perfectly still. JANE: What is it? DOCTOR: I told you. It's a psychic projection. JANE: It pains me to say it, but I'm sorry I ever doubted you. DOCTOR: We all learn by our mistakes. JANE: Now what? DOCTOR: More psychic disturbance. DOCTOR: Ah. It seems he intends to kill us. Make for the underground passage. Run! [SCENE_BREAK] VERNEY: Don't be afraid. My name's Andrew Verney. [SCENE_BREAK] JANE: Doctor, slow down. That thing isn't following us. DOCTOR: I need to speak to Sir George. JANE: Haven't you got enough troubles? DOCTOR: Do you know anything about psychic energy? JANE: Oh, you know I don't. DOCTOR: Then a quick lesson. It can of course occur in many and varied forms, but the type here, capable of creating projections, requires a focus point. JANE: Uh huh? DOCTOR: Oh dear, oh dear. A medium. JANE: Oh, as with a poltergeist? DOCTOR: Yes, a bit more complicated. In this it isn't the medium that's creating the projections, but the Malus. The medium simply gathers all the psychic energy for it to use. And what at the moment is creating the most psychic energy? JANE: Um, er. DOCTOR: The war games. JANE: The war games? DOCTOR: And who controls the games? JANE: You'd better speak to Sir George. DOCTOR: Yes, the trouble is, I don't think he can have any idea of what he's doing. The Malus is pure evil. Given enough energy, it will not only destroy him, but everything else. Cheer up. [SCENE_BREAK] WOLSEY: You wouldn't get very far. TEGAN: What? WOLSEY: If you tried to escape. There are troopers everywhere. TEGAN: I wouldn't dream of putting you to so much trouble. WOLSEY: I rather think we're all Sir George's prisoners at the moment. If it's any comfort to you, your grandfather is safe. TEGAN: Then let me see him. HUTCHINSON: All in good time. You look charming, my dear. Positively charming. TEGAN: Thanks for nothing. Can I have my clothes back, please? HUTCHINSON: Oh, but you're to be our Queen of the May. You must dress the part. TEGAN: I'm not in the mood for playing silly games. HUTCHINSON: This is no game. You are about to take part in an event that will change the future of mankind. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Solid. Why are they keeping you prisoner here? VERNEY: Because of what I discovered. Have you been to the church? TURLOUGH: Oh. Yes. VERNEY: Years of research to discover something as evil as the Malus was more than just a legend. TURLOUGH: It wasn't active when you discovered it? VERNEY: My mistake was telling Sir George Hutchinson. It was his deranged mind who caused its awakening. TURLOUGH: We must get out of here, let the Doctor know what's happening. VERNEY: But how? TURLOUGH: Are there any guards? VERNEY: I don't know. TURLOUGH: Guard! Guard! What are you like as a battering ram? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Not much further. JANE: Doctor, wait. Will said he saw the Malus in 1643, in the church. DOCTOR: That's right. JANE: It's been there for hundreds of years. DOCTOR: Long before the Civil War started. JANE: Then why has it been dormant for so long? DOCTOR: It requires a massive force of psychic energy to activate it. When the Civil War came to Little Hodcombe, it created precisely that. JANE: And Sir George is trying to recreate the same event. DOCTOR: Yes, in every detail. Tegan's grandfather must have told him everything he discovered. He knows it's the only way for the Malus to be fully activated. JANE: Doctor, I've had a terrible thought. The last battle in the war games has to be for real! DOCTOR: Precisely. The slaughter will be dreadful. JANE: You must stop him! DOCTOR: Yes, I know. TEGAN (OOV.): History is littered with loonies like you. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Fortunately, most of them end up safely locked away. HUTCHINSON: Insight is often mistaken for madness, my dear. WOLSEY: I didn't realise that the Malus was so evil. HUTCHINSON: Don't worry, Wolsey. It will serve us. TEGAN: It will use you. DOCTOR: Tegan's right. You're energising a force so irresistibly destructive that nothing on Earth can control it. You must stop the war games. HUTCHINSON: Stop it? Are you mad? You speak treason. DOCTOR: Fluently! Stop the games. HUTCHINSON: Eliminate him, Wolsey. Now. JANE: Put that down, Ben. WOLSEY: I don't understand him any more. DOCTOR: Don't try. He's under the influence of the Malus. Are you with us, Colonel? WOLSEY: Can you tell me what's going on, because I don't know any longer. TEGAN: Doctor. TEGAN: Be careful. JANE: It's the thing in the church. DOCTOR: Not quite. It's a projection of the parent image, probably one of several energy-gathering points. TEGAN: Keep away from it. DOCTOR: Oh, it has no force, yet. WOLSEY: Well, let's put a stop to it. DOCTOR: I'm afraid you can't hurt it, Colonel. It has no substance. WOLSEY: We have to do something. DOCTOR: We must prevent the reenactment. Spoil it in any way we can. Reduce the amount of psychic energy being produced. TEGAN: Good. Then we can forget the May Queen procession. WOLSEY: The cart to take you to the village is already here. DOCTOR: Will there be guards for this procession? WOLSEY: No, I'm the only escort, but they will send somebody to investigate. DOCTOR: Make sure that Tegan and Jane get safely back to the church. You can use the underground passage. I must search for Turlough and Will, and er, good luck. TEGAN: Do you know where my clothes are? WOLSEY: I'll fetch them for you, but stay as you are for the moment. TEGAN: Why? WOLSEY: Because if you don't turn up on that cart, Hutchinson will turn out the whole village to search for you. The Doctor won't stand a chance. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: This door must give soon. VERNEY: Agreed. But at the moment all we're doing is wearing out our shoulders. TURLOUGH: There's no other way. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Are you all right? CHANDLER: It's just like before. DOCTOR: The last time you saw the Malus. CHANDLER: I's not pleased. CHANDLER: They burn Queen of the May. DOCTOR: The toast of Little Hodcombe. CHANDLER: Tain't funny. She were screaming. DOCTOR: That's nothing to what Tegan would have done. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] HUTCHINSON: Stop that man! Stop! Hold him! WILLOW: You're just in time for the show. You can have a front seat. HUTCHINSON: Something's wrong. HUTCHINSON: What happened? WOLSEY: Here's your Queen of the May, Sir George. You can burn her if you wish. Not as attractive as Tegan, but more humane. HUTCHINSON: What are you trying to do, wreck everything? WOLSEY: No, trying to return some sanity to these proceedings. HUTCHINSON: You've ruined it. You've ruined everything. Kill him. DOCTOR: Over here, Will. DOCTOR: Back to the church, and thank you, Colonel. HUTCHINSON: After them! After them! [SCENE_BREAK] VERNEY: We must get to the church and destroy the Malus before it becomes too powerful. TURLOUGH: Let's find the Doctor first. VERNEY: We haven't got the time. We can spend the whole day looking. Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Come on, there's still a lot to do. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Hurry. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: You didn't close the doors! TEGAN: There was no point. Something was already inside it. DOCTOR: This is all we need. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Quietly, now. Don't alarm it. TEGAN: What are you doing? DOCTOR: Well, if I can lock the signal conversion unit onto the frequency of the psychic energy feeding it, I might be able to direct the Malus. WOLSEY: Is that possible? DOCTOR: Well, there's a remote chance. TEGAN: Doctor. DOCTOR: Ah. Perhaps you should close the doors. WOLSEY: They didn't waste much time. [SCENE_BREAK] WILLOW: A police box? TROOPER: It's locked. WILLOW: Well, don't just stand there, break it open. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Doctor, the Malus. DOCTOR: It's growing stronger. WOLSEY: Won't it work? DOCTOR: It takes time. Excuse me, Colonel. JANE: Sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] VERNEY: Oh, no! TURLOUGH: Let's find the Doctor. There's nothing we can do. VERNEY: What's that? TURLOUGH: The TARDIS is in the crypt. I think we should take a look. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Doctor! DOCTOR: I know. It senses what I'm about. Now everybody stay perfectly calm and still! [SCENE_BREAK] HUTCHINSON: No! Away. I must get to the church. [SCENE_BREAK] VERNEY: (quietly) What do we do? TURLOUGH: Shush. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: That's it. TEGAN: Can you control the Malus? DOCTOR: Not quite, but it can no longer fuel itself from the turmoil in the village. JANE: Doctor, look. DOCTOR: Ah. I think it's time we left this thing to die in peace. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: So, well done! TEGAN: Granddad! VERNEY: Tegan, my dear. DOCTOR: Save the greetings until later. TEGAN: Never a dull moment. [SCENE_BREAK] WOLSEY: Now what? DOCTOR: I don't know yet. TURLOUGH: Doctor. WOLSEY: Where did they come from? DOCTOR: They're JANE: Psychic projections. WOLSEY: I'd feel happier with a gun. TEGAN: Wouldn't make any difference. They're not real. WOLSEY: They look solid enough to me. DOCTOR: The Malus' last line of defence. They'll kill as effectively as any living thing. TURLOUGH: We're running out of places to run. TEGAN: The story of our lives. VERNEY: Why don't they attack? DOCTOR: They will, in their own time. We're the Malus' last source of psychic energy. It'll make us sweat for as long as it can. CHANDLER: I's going to die. DOCTOR: Quiet, Will, quiet. JANE: He's right, Doctor. DOCTOR: Not yet, he isn't. TEGAN: Oh, no. DOCTOR: Brave heart, Tegan. JANE: How could that happen? TURLOUGH: They're gone. DOCTOR: The fight must have used a lot of psychic energy. The Malus needs to rest. Let's go before it recovers. HUTCHINSON: It is time at last! I am here, master. WOLSEY: Let me deal with him. TEGAN: He'll kill you. WOLSEY: He used to be a man of honour. Played the war games in the way they were intended. DOCTOR: Forget any codes of honour Sir George might once have held. He's now completely under the control of the Malus. WOLSEY: He's still mortal. JANE: Don't be a fool, Ben. WOLSEY: I have to try. I feel partly responsible for what's happened here. JANE: Ben. WOLSEY: Sir George? CHANDLER: Be it important Sir George be dead? DOCTOR: Not if there's another way. WOLSEY: Sir George, do you understand me? HUTCHINSON: Who are you? WOLSEY: Colonel Wolsey. Ben Wolsey, your friend. HUTCHINSON: Get back! WOLSEY: We have something to settle. DOCTOR: Sir George, it's important you listen. DOCTOR: Listen to Colonel Wolsey. Concentrate your thoughts. You must break free from the Malus. HUTCHINSON: Free? Why, I'm his willing servant. DOCTOR: You're his slave. He only wants you for one thing. HUTCHINSON: You're mistaken. He's offered me enormous power. DOCTOR: The Malus is here for one reason. To destroy. It's the only thing it knows how to do. WOLSEY: Now listen to the Doctor. HUTCHINSON: I don't believe you. DOCTOR: Without you, the Malus is helpless. Through you it feeds on the fear and anger generated through the war games. Once it's strong enough, it will destroy you. HUTCHINSON: No! DOCTOR: Listen, Sir George. Your village is in turmoil. You're pointing a gun at a man who's a friend. That's the true influence of the Malus. Can't you feel the hate and rage inside your head? Think, man! Did you have such feelings before you activated that thing? HUTCHINSON: I, I don't, I. DOCTOR: No! CHANDLER: It better you be dead! CHANDLER: It be better he be dead. DOCTOR: It's all right, Will. It's all right. JANE: We must seal up the church. VERNEY: And inform the authorities. It has to be destroyed. TURLOUGH: Now what? DOCTOR: The Malus knows it's lost. It's going to fulfil its programming, Clear the ground, destroy everything it can. Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Quickly! Inside. TURLOUGH: Does it have the power? DOCTOR: Enough to keep Will here and level a church. Come along. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Close the door, would you? DOCTOR: Hold on. DOCTOR: The Malus has destroyed itself. WOLSEY: Thank God. JANE: Well, now that it's gone, was it a beast or a machine? DOCTOR: Oh, a living being, reengineered as an instrument of war and sent here to clear the way for an invasion. TURLOUGH: What went wrong? Why didn't they invade? DOCTOR: I don't honestly know. I must look to see if there's anything in the computer about it. TURLOUGH: If the Malus is destroyed, why is Will still here? You did say he was only a psychic projection. DOCTOR: Ah, yes, yes. It seems I was mistaken. The Malus was able to intermingle the two time zones for a living being to pass through. Must have had incredible power. TEGAN: That's the last time I pay an unexpected call on you. VERNEY: As a rule, the villagers and I are much more welcoming. WOLSEY: There'll be lots of clearing up to do, in more ways than one. We'll need all the help we can get. WILLOW: And no recriminations? WOLSEY: Not on my part. JANE: Nor mine. DOCTOR: Well, that seems to be it. We'll drop you all off, then we'll be on our way. TURLOUGH: Er, what about our young friend here? DOCTOR: Ah, well, him too. 1643 isn't all that far away. TEGAN: Aren't you forgetting something? DOCTOR: Probably. It isn't unusual. I've had a very hard day. TEGAN: Well, we came here to visit my grandfather. Be nice to spend a little time with him. TURLOUGH: I must admit I wouldn't mind staying for a while. JANE: Hmm, you're outnumbered seven to one. DOCTOR: I'm being bullied, coerced, forced against my will. I've had enough for one day. VERNEY: Even if you are, agree, man. DOCTOR: All right. Just for a little while. We've a great deal to do. TURLOUGH: Good. I quite miss that brown liquid they drink here. CHANDLER: Ale. TURLOUGH: No, er, tea. CHANDLER: What be tea? DOCTOR: Oh, a noxious infusion of oriental leaves containing a high percentage of toxic acid. CHANDLER: Sounds an evil brew, don't it. DOCTOR: True. Personally, I rather like it.

Plan: A: The Malus; Q: What is forcing the towns people to preform the re-enactment? A: fruition; Q: What is the word for the Malus' plans coming to pass? Summary: The Malus is forcing the towns people to preform the re-enactment for real as it needs the psychic forces created by the suffering of war to feed off of and recharge it's energies. It is up to the Doctor to prevent the Malus plans from reaching fruition.

ACT ONE Scene One - KACL Frasier is wrapping up the show. Frasier: And sadly, no one was able to answer today's psychological mind-teaser, so once again the prize goes unclaimed. By the way, today's answer was "anhedonia." Anhedonia. [chuckles] This is Dr. Frasier Crane, saying good day Seattle, and good mental health. He goes off the air. Kenny comes in. Kenny: [low whistle] That was a real brain-bender, Doc. You know, the idea is to let people win once in a while. Frasier: Oh please, Kenny, I will not pander. When some lucky individual looks at his prize, I want him to be able to say, "I earned this." Kenny: It's an antenna ball! Frasier: Well... Kenny: [as Roz comes in] Oh Roz, I got some good news! Your documentary is a go! Roz: Oh, that's great! Thank you, Kenny! [hugs him] Kenny: Congratulations! Frasier: Roz, you're doing a documentary? Roz: Yeah well, I've been wanting to do something on my own, so I thought I'd do a special on space - what with it being 2001 and all. We're gonna do the Cassini mission to Saturn, and telerobotics, that kind of stuff. Kenny: [re: Frasier] You got a show, [re: Roz] you got a show - I don't know who to kiss up to anymore! Roz: You don't have to kiss up to anyone. Kenny: Ho-ho-ho! I wish I didn't. Kenny leaves the booth. Frasier: So Roz, you're a space nerd! Roz: I wouldn't go that far. There is just something about rockets, though. Frasier: Ah, indeed. [Orson Welles voice] Roz, sounds like your show could be a portal from which we can glimpse the promise of the future - a promise linked by a billion stars. God speed, Roz Doyle. Roz: You wouldn't by any chance be hoping to narrate this, would you? Frasier: [innocent] Me? Roz: Well, actually I was gonna ask you, but I was afraid it might be kind of awkward, you working for me. I mean, you've been my boss for eight years. I just wasn't sure if you could handle it. Frasier: Oh Roz, pooh! I welcome a little role reversal, I think it'll do our relationship a lot of good. Roz: As long as you promise it won't be a problem. Frasier: No, of course not. Gosh, you know, actually I'm kind of excited. You may not know this, but as a tyke I had my heart set on space flight. [sighs] Tragic, isn't it? How a child's dreams can be squashed by a single ride on a diabolically speedy Tilt-A-Whirl? He leaves. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Apartment Martin is seated at the coffee table with a heaping bowl of chili. With slow, reverent movements, he breaks soup crackers into the bowl, tucks a large napkin into his collar, then takes the first spoonful and raises it to his lips- The doorbell rings. Martin: Ah, jeez! He gets up and opens the door to Niles. Niles: Hey. Martin: Hey Niles, just in time for chili! It's my best batch all week. Niles: Do you ever miss vegetables? Martin: [sitting back down] For your information, College, the bean is a vegetable. So what's new with Daphne? How are things at the Fat Farm? Niles: It's a spa. Martin: Oh, sorry. How are things at the Fat Spa? [eats a spoonful] Niles: Fine, fine. She's doing very well. She's losing weight and gaining friends. Uh Dad, I had an idea about something you and I could do together, you know? Did you happen to read the Arts & Leisure section today? Martin: The jumble? Did it, "A good man is hard to find." Niles: Actually, I was thinking of something a little loftier. Martin squirts a huge dollop of ketchup into his chili. Niles: [after a pause] Dad, do you remember when Frasier was in college, a little tradition you and I had every spring? Martin: Oh, the kite festival? Niles: Mmm-hmm. Martin: I thought they didn't do that anymore. Niles: They're bringing it back this year! I want us to enter, just like old times! Martin: Oh, we made some good kites, didn't we? Niles: Great kites! The "Blue Baron." Martin: The "Screaming Meamie." Niles: The "Shield of Perseus." Martin: You came up with that one, didn't you? Niles: Thank you. So, what do you say? You want to do it? Martin: Oh-ho, I'd love to, Niles. But I can't fly kites anymore, not with my hip. Niles: Let me be your hip. We'll build it together, and then I'll fly it. I'm old enough now! Martin: What the hell? You know, I'm gonna go make some sketches. You know, I always wanted to try a dragon. Niles: That's a great idea! We'll name it Fafnir, after Siegfried's fiery nemesis! Martin: Maybe we'll just make a fish. [SCENE_BREAK] SPACE ISN'T BIG ENOUGH FOR THE TWO OF US Scene Three - Conference Room Roz is seated at the head of the conference table with two scriptwriters, Ed and B.K. April, a secretary, stands behind her. Roz: And before we get started on the script, I have a couple of production notes. Ed, can you get me forty more seconds of the Mir transmissions? Ed: No problem. Frasier comes in with his briefcase. Frasier: Hello everyone, I'm terribly sorry I'm late. Please, continue. Lead on, maestra. He sits down, and as Roz resumes, he mouths words at the secretary, who doesn't understand. Roz: OK. Kenny's only giving me a couple of hours to record, so we'll do the big chunks first and the third two's last. And if we have any time at the end of the session, we'll tape the promos - Frasier, what are you doing? Frasier: I'm sorry, Roz, I-I was just looking for a little caffeine kick-start. Roz: Can it wait until we have a break? Frasier: Yes, of course it can. You're the maestra. Roz: Can you please stop calling me that? [he makes an OK sign] Does everybody have a script? Frasier: Right. Ed: Got it. B.K.: Got it. Roz: Now, I think basically we're in good shape, but I felt like it dragged a little in the middle. Any thoughts? Ed: I agree. Uh, maybe we should talk about the social aspects - the panic that spread through the schools because they weren't emphasizing space- Roz: Oh, I like that! Good idea. B.K.: What about the space program as a tool for the politicians? Roz: Good angle! These are great ideas, guys, keep 'em coming. Frasier: You know, I thought we might intercut between the Russian and American programs and build up the tension of the space race. Roz: I don't think so. Frasier is put out. Ed: What about that dog the Russians sent up? Roz: I love that! People like dogs! Frasier: How about those chimps? Roz: I don't know. I mean, this isn't "Zoo in Space." So, uh, it looks like we're filled out in the middle here, so I think we're doing OK. Frasier raises a finger. Roz: What, Frasier? Frasier: Well, it's just a teeny thing, Roz. I was thinking that, seeing as how it is the jumping-off place for the future, that we might devote two segments to the International Space Station. Roz: Thanks, but I've worked this out very specifically. B.K.: You know, I was thinking we could combine the stuff about the manned and unmanned missions into one segment and spread out the space station. Roz: Oh, I like that! Good idea, B.K. Frasier: I just said that. Roz: Well, I didn't hear you. Frasier: Well, you must have heard me, Roz, because you said no! Roz: Frasier, let's move on, shall we? OK, let's talk music. B.K.: What if we lead off the program with the music from "2001: A Space Odyssey"? Roz: Home run, B.K.! Frasier starts uhm-ing and ah-ing, shaking his head and clenching his fists. Roz: What is it, Frasier? Frasier: Well, it - not to belittle your suggestion, B.K., which I love - it's just that particular piece of music, uh, has been a bit, ah, I don't know, a bit... overused. And it occurs to me that perhaps an equally evocative, but less familiar piece of music might better serve. Thank you. Ed: You mean something like "The Planets" by Holst? Frasier: Exactly, it's a little less on the nose. As they go on, Roz tries to regain control. B.K.: What about Phillip Glass? You know, go completely minimalist. Frasier: It's like space! Now we're cooking! B.K.: Have you listened to Sun Ra? It's from the sixties. Frasier: This is good! Ed: For the American program, we can use American music, like Copeland. Frasier: Better yet, Charles Ives! And then for the Russians, we can use- April: Shostakovich! Frasier: Let's do it! Roz: FRASIER! Can I talk to you for a second? Frasier: Well, yes, of course, Roz. You're the boss. Be back in five, everybody. They step out into the hall. Frasier: Uh, listen Roz, let me give you just one little piece of advice. I find that when I'm in a leadership position, the best way to rally my staff- Roz: What staff?! I'm your staff, and I've been listening to you for eight years, and I would like for you to listen to me for a change! Frasier: And I support that- Roz: Then SHUT UP! Frasier: [sulky] Well... I'm not sure that's a very wise tone to take if you don't want to lose your narrator. Roz: Is that a threat? Frasier: Well, I'm just saying that alienating me isn't probably in the best interests of the show. Roz: Well, maybe "the show" would be better off without you. Frasier: Well, then maybe I should just leave "the show." Roz: Well, maybe that's what "the show" wants you to do. Frasier: Well then, "the show" can BITE ME! He leaves. END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO Scene Four Frasier is back doing his show. Frasier: I realize I've gone on here a bit, Fred, so let me try to boil this down for you: if you want to be a good leader, you've got to be able to admit when you're wrong. [turns a gimlet eye toward Roz] No one ever stood so tall as when he - or she - stooped to say, "I'm sorry." Fred: [v.o.] What's that got to do with my fear of intimacy? Frasier: Which brings to mind another phrase: "There is none so blind as he"-or she-"who will not see." We'll be right back after the news. He goes off the air. Roz: [through mike] Subtle, Frasier. But just so you know, I do not owe you an apology. You were trying to take over my show, and that's why I fired you. Frasier: You did not fire me, I quit. But at this late date, Roz, you should be spared the burden of having to replace me. So, why don't we agree to put aside our egos and continue with the program? Roz: I've already replaced you. Frasier: Oh, Roz. You've gone with an "also-ran." Who is it? Roz: John Glenn. Frasier: The astronaut? Roz: Yes. Frasier: The senator? Roz: Yes. The John Glenn, American hero. Frasier: [only card left] So I take it there was nobody available with any previous radio experience. [SCENE_BREAK] SEATTLE, WE HAVE A PROBLEM Scene Five - Apartment Martin stands behind the couch, holding up a dragon kite. Niles is standing across the room with the string and spool. Martin: Loosen up, son. [Niles does] That's the way. Relaxed, but firm. It's not a fight, it's a persuasion. Niles: OK, Dad, I am ready. I want to take her to the park. Martin: Oh, out of the question! Niles: I have to practice in real-life conditions, I can't keep running up and down the halls! Martin: No, it's too windy! Niles: All right, well, uh, can I at least hang her off the balcony so we can see how she looks? Martin: Niles, what kind of dope are you smoking? The updraft would pull you off your feet! You know, you've got a lot to learn. This isn't like driving a car, you know, it takes practice and concentration. Frasier comes in and slaps his keys down. Martin: Hey, Fras. Did you get things all patched up with Roz? Frasier: On the contrary, every time I offer her an olive branch, she snaps it in two, sets it on fire, and writes "NO" with the ashes! She had the temerity to call me overbearing! This time the wound is deep, my friends, bone deep! Niles: Well, maybe- Frasier: [pouring sherry] Oh yes, of course sometimes I am forceful with my opinions, but that is only because I'm passionate! And right! And passionate about being right! "Overbearing," as if! Martin: Well, she probably wants to- Frasier: It's insupportable, Dad! She went out and got John Glenn to replace me! Martin and Niles are incredulous, but (to Frasier) for the wrong reason. Niles: The astronaut? Frasier: Yes, yes, the American hero! Martin: John Glenn? He's perfect! Frasier: Oh, moondust and starshine, Dad! Yes, [contemptuous] he's "been to space." But does he have the voice, the savvy, the radio charisma, hmm?! Martin: Batten down the kite, Niles, it's really starting to blow hard in here. Martin leaves the room. Niles: Frasier, your issues notwithstanding, getting John Glenn is quite a coup for Roz. Frasier: John Glenn is just a space-age Band-Aid, Niles, and Roz is using him to cover up this enormous authority issue she has with me, which she persists in denying! Niles: Um- Frasier: You're right, Niles, it's time for action! I have got to show her once and for all that I am not some meddler and she is only being paranoid! Now I'll be in my room, plotting some way to prove it! Frasier leaves the room. Niles picks up the kite and admires it. Smiling at Eddie, he holds up the kite like a mask and advances. Eddie growls. He gets an idea - why not? He looks at Eddie and raises a finger to his lips. Then he opens the balcony, letting in the roar of the wind. Eddie watches as: Holding the spool, Niles takes the kite out onto the balcony - and the wind tears it out of his hands and up into the air. He hangs onto the spool for dear life as the string unwinds, reaching its end and dragging him back and forth. As Niles fights to regain control, the kite suddenly swoops down past the balcony, yanking him over the rail and pulling his feet off the ground. Just as he is about to go over, the kite swoops back up, jerking him upright and hitting something on the roof. Niles pulls himself back inside and shuts the door on the string, blocking out the wind. The building's satellite dish crashes onto the balcony. [SCENE_BREAK] Martin's Room: Martin is lying on his bed, watching TV and speaking on the phone. Martin: All I know is that a couple of your clowns wired up the dish a month ago, and now I can't even see the news. Now I do a lot of TV-watching, and I don't want to have to take my business elsewhere, but I will! The kite slams into his balcony window and comes to a rest. Eddie runs in and growls at it. Martin: [faking static noises into the phone] Can't hear you, sorry. [hangs up] [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Six - Conference Room John Glenn is seated at the table with a copy of the script. Frasier knocks and comes in. Frasier: Senator? Glenn: Yes. Frasier: I'd like to introduce myself. I'm Dr. Frasier Crane. Glenn: [shaking hands] Oh, glad to meet you. Frasier: It's a pleasure to meet you. I was the previous narrator on the documentary. Glenn: That's a fascinating story. Frasier: Well, you've heard her side of the story, maybe someday you'll hear mine. Glenn: Well, I was talking about space travel. It was good of you to step aside, though - you have a scheduling conflict? Frasier: Yes, unfortunately. The Opera Guild's annual... football tournament. Well, I'm the quarterback. Anyway, uh, here, if you wouldn't mind indulging me- Glenn: Sure. Frasier: I have a few suggestions that I didn't have a chance to run by Roz. [takes out some notes] Um, here we are. Now this first one is about a Seattle man who took his two sons to the roof to see if they could spot Friendship-7 flying by. Glenn: Was that you? Frasier: It's very perceptive of you, sir, yes. That was me, my father, and my brother. I thought a story from the glory days of space might help to launch the show. Glenn: You know, that sounds great. I'll bring that up to Roz. Frasier: Oh, about that - it's probably best that Roz never know we had this conversation. Glenn: Why not? Frasier: Well, you see, any suggestion that came from me right now, Roz would be inclined to shoot down, and uh, she's still a little ticked off at me for dropping out. Glenn: Well, you know, I don't like to go behind someone's back- Frasier: Oh, we're not going behind anybody's back! Even if we were, it's only temporary! At any rate, it is for the good of the show. Glenn: Well, OK. I'll look through these things and I'll probably bring them up. Frasier: Oh, that's terrific. Thank you, sir. It was a pleasure to meet you. Take care. [starts to leave] Oh, Senator? Uh, what do you drink up there, Tang? Glenn: [checks his watch] Two minutes and twenty seconds: a new record. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Seven - Radio Booth Glenn is seated in Frasier's booth, with Roz. Roz: So let me get this cued up, and we'll be ready to go, OK? Glenn: Sounds great. She goes into her booth. Frasier comes in behind her. Roz: Frasier, what are you doing here? Frasier: Roz, I'm just observing. If you want me to go, I will, but you have to admit this is sort of a once-in-a-lifetime thing. Roz: Fine. But no talking. Frasier stands very humbly in the corner. Roz sits at her console. Roz: [through mike] OK, Senator, we're rolling. Glenn: OK. Roz, I have an idea if you're interested. Roz: Sure. Glenn: I heard the nicest story, about a Seattle man who took his two sons up on the roof of the house, to try and see my Mercury spacecraft come over. Roz: I love that! Glenn: Yeah, well, I thought you'd like that one. And then, if we could get some of the old mission broadcasts, maybe we could use those for background. Roz: Definitely! You are full of great ideas! Frasier: [no longer humble] No, I'M full of good ideas! Roz: Frasier, what are you doing?! Frasier: Roz, you just agreed to two of my suggestions, which proves your problem is with me and not with them! Roz: [through the mike] I'm so sorry! [to Frasier] Frasier, get out! Frasier: Roz, it's all right, the Senator and I are old friends! I took the liberty of running a few irresistible ideas by him so that I could prove my point and let you come clean! Glenn: That's not what you told me. You used me! Frasier: I'm sorry, Senator, but-but if I used you it was only as the swift and terrible sword of justice! Roz: It's terrible, all right! And outrageous! [to Glenn] You said these were your ideas! Why'd you do it, Senator Glenn? Glenn: I was misled, and-and I feel awful, and-and you know, it's not like me to be that underhanded. Roz: Oh, it's all right. Frasier, get out of my booth! I am so sorry, Senator Glenn. Cutting between the two booths: Glenn: Well, I'm the one that's sorry. It's my nature to be honest, and... Frasier: [speaking over him] Now listen up, Roz, I'm gonna tell you what I did this for. Glenn: Back in those glory days, I was very uncomfortable when they... asked us to say things that I didn't want to say, and deny other things... Roz: I am so mad at you, Frasier! Frasier: Oh yeah, well I'm mad too, so just bring it on! Glenn: Some people ask, you know, "were you alone out there?" And we never gave the real answer, and yet we've seen things out there, strange things... Roz: This is my project, and I asked you not to try to take control, and now you've gone behind my back and done just that! Frasier: But Roz, you didn't even give me a fair shake! Roz: Well, if I didn't, it was because I was trying to protect myself because you can be so BOSSY sometimes! Glenn: But we know what we saw out there, and we couldn't really say anything, and the bosses were scared of this, they were afraid of "War of the Worlds" type-stuff, and about panic in the streets, and so we had to keep quiet, and now we only see these things in our - well, in our nightmares, or maybe in-in the movies, and some of them are pretty close to being the truth... Frasier: All right, Roz, I'll admit that maybe I was being a little too assertive, all right? But the least you could do is admit that perhaps you were a bit defensive? Glenn draws the path of a U.F.O. with his finger, zipping and stopping from one point to another with incredible speed, making whishing noises. Roz: Well, maybe you're right. But it was because I was trying to prove that I could do this on my own - so I was shutting you out, I admit it, it was unfair, and I apologize. Frasier: Accepted. Oh Roz, come on, our friendship is much more important to me than this documentary. Roz: Oh, it is to me too, Frasier! They hug. Glenn sticks his head in. Glenn: Uh, look, about what I just said out there, could we just keep that between us? Roz: Oh, of course, Senator. Glenn: Good. Well... [notices] oh, wait! You were recording all that? Roz: Well yeah, but that's OK, we've got plenty of tape. Glenn: [stern] I'm gonna need that tape. He takes it from the machine and goes back into the booth. Roz: He's a little tightly wound. Frasier: Looks like maybe somebody should cut back on the old Tang. Roz: [laughing] That's a good one, Frasier. Frasier: Thanks, Roz. Roz puts in a fresh tape and sits down. Roz: Whenever you're ready, Senator. Glenn: [reading] "Since the dawn of time, man has gazed skyward and dreamed of reaching the stars..." END OF ACT TWO [SCENE_BREAK] Apartment: Close-up on the TV. A cable runs from the back across the floor. The camera follows it up to where it is looped around the handle of Martin's cane. Next to it, Martin is seated in his Armchair, looking at the TV and making hand signals. Next to the window, Niles stands very still with a rabbit-ears antenna, where the cable ends. He adjusts it very minutely, until Martin signals him to hold still.

Plan: A: the chance; Q: What does Roz have to create her own documentary? A: outer space; Q: What is the theme of Roz's documentary? A: narrator; Q: What role does Frasier want to play in Roz's documentary? A: a change; Q: What does Frasier want to work for Roz for? A: the first meeting; Q: What meeting did Frasier make suggestions at? A: the scriptwriters; Q: Who does Roz have a meeting with? A: the program; Q: What does Frasier quit? A: a while; Q: How long is the atmosphere between Roz and Frasier tense? A: former astronaut John Glenn; Q: Who does Roz replace Frasier with? A: a kite; Q: What do Martin and Niles build together? A: their dragon; Q: What are Martin and Niles proud of? A: the balcony; Q: Where does Niles test the kite? Summary: Roz has the chance to create her own documentary, and she has decided to use the theme of outer space. Frasier persuades her to let him act as narrator, assuring her that he has no problem working for her for a change. However, at the first meeting they have with the scriptwriters, Frasier makes many suggestions and Roz dismisses them all. This leads to an argument, in which she accuses him of being overbearing and he quits the program. The atmosphere between them is tense for a while afterwards, with neither agreeing to apologize or back down. Then Roz announces that she has replaced Frasier with former astronaut John Glenn . Frasier is furious, but determined to prove that she was shutting him out deliberately. Meanwhile, Martin and Niles decide to build a kite together for the recently reinstated spring kite festival. They are extremely proud of their dragon, but Martin forbids Niles from testing it outdoors. Niles, however, cannot resist the temptation of the balcony.

Pam: Hey Oscar, big Will and Grace fan huh? Oscar: No. Everybody assumes I am. I always get them as gifts. Pam: Oh. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Dunder Mifflin is having our first own garage sale. Like many Americans, we realized we had a lot of things that we really didn't need. And 10 cents of every dollar is going into the party fund so we can throw parties for ourselves. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: People! Look alive. It's showtime. Doors open in 3...2...1. Jim: Oh, yikes. Pam: It's cold Dwight. Just shut the door and let people come in the front. Dwight: It's good that its cold it will drive business inside. Pam: The signs will drive people inside. Dwight: The warmth will lure people inside. Andy: Close it. Dwight: This is how business... Andy: Close it. Dwight: I'm not closing the door. Andy: Close it. [starts wrestling Dwight] Dwight: Stop it. Andy: Just close it. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Uh oh, looks like someone's sign is a little crooked. Uh, looks awful. Need a thumb tack? Meredith: Sure. Dwight: Not so fast. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Schrute's are farmers by hobby, and traders by trade. Through the art of the swap, I will walk out of this garage sale with the finest item here. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I will trade you for the used candle. Meredith: Forget you. Dwight: Come on, its trash, like your sign, unless you have this. Meredith: Fine, just give it. Dwight: That's how it's done. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Woah, I love her. How much for that? Michael: I uh... I actually don't know why I brought that because It's kind of priceless. Holly: 10 dollars. Michael: Mhmm, no I paid 500 dollars for that. Kevin: 200. Michael: 500. Holly: 20. Kevin: 45. Michael: Get lost. Kevin: Damn it. Michael: That is how you do it. Holly: You know we don't have to sell that if you don't want to. If it's a problem with the neon I can have my neon guy take a look. Michael: You know it's really more for a bachelor pad. I just want to get a fair price. Holly: Well we could put it in storage... in case. Michael: In case... in case of what? Holly: You know... in case if something changes. Michael: I don't have an in case. Do you have an in case? Holly: Nope. Lady: How much for the slip and slide? Michael: Get lost. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [on phone] Yes, hello Mr. Flax this is Michael Scott, your daughter's boss. I am calling because I am going to have to fire your daughter Holly because she is such a terrible employee. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. I'm actually calling because I'm in love with her. I love your daughter, and I have for some time. And I would like to discuss my intentions with you... which are to ask her to marry me. And I was just hoping you would give me your approval. And this isn't a joke. So call me back, when you get this. And I look forward to speaking. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: Are you serious? A half used candle? Get out of here Dwight. You're blocking my table with your giant body. Dwight: Oh, cause there's a huge line of people waiting in line who want your spinster chotskies. Kelly: Screw you man. People like my stuff. Dwight: People like Ryan? Let me tell you about men like him. He comes over and you're like 'Hey baby let me light a candle' then you pull out this one half used and he's like 'Uh! Who else is she seeing? I better lock her down fast.' Kelly: You can take my Helen Fielding collection. Dwight: And the Jennifer Weiner collection. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Oh my gosh, you have the Dallas board game? Kevin: Yea when I was a kid I was on Dallas. Andy: Really? Kevin: Yea. When I was kid we missed our connecting flight and we spent the entire day on Dallas. Then we spent a week on Hawaii... I was in heaven. Darryl: We should play it. Andy: Well... there's no instructions. Darryl: It's Dallas the game, we can figure it out. Kevin: Yea. Andy: I'm pretty good at board games. Darryl: Well, shall we make it a little interesting? Andy: Sure. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: What is this? Jim: How did those get out? I'm sorry. Dwight: Professor Copperfield's Miracle Legumes? Jim: I was in Jamaica, and I got lost, and it was getting dark this one night and then out of nowhere with a cart and he's selling these. Dwight he's telling me things about myself that there's no way he could have known. Dwight: That's a common swindlers trick. Jim: Probably, probably. So I buy some, I turn the corner, I feel like an idiot, so I go back to get my money, he was gone. Dwight: So you wanna sell me magic beans. [laughs] Jim: Correction. I do not want to sell you Professor Copperfield's Miracle Legumes. Dwight: Nice try. No. Correction. Terrible try. [SCENE_BREAK] Holly: Michael called Dad? Holly's Mom: Your friend Michael, yes. What's going on? Holly: Um, I think I know. But I'll sound stupid if I'm wrong but is Dad there? Holly's Dad: Holly? Holly: Hi Dad. Holly's Dad: There was a program on TV about India. Holly: Um, ok. Did you connect with Michael? Holly's Dad: Wanna watch it? Holly: I... I'm not there Dad, I'm in Pennsylvania. Holly's Dad: What are you doing there? Holly: I live here. Um, can I talk to you about Michael? Holly's Dad: I'll, I'll put your mother on. Holly: No. No... no Dad. Holly's Mom: Holly? Holly: Mom, Dad can't seem to focus on a subject. Holly's Mom: Don't you worry about him, he's got me. Holly: Well who do you have? Holly's Mom: I have your father. He's right here I'll put him on. Holly: No. Mom? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Oh, which one is decaf? Pam: [looks out window] Michael! Michael! Michael: Hi. Pam: Hi.. I was just coming out to see what you were doing and to maybe stop you. Michael: Oh, you know what, you have a siphon? I think I'm gonna run out of gas. Pam: Why do you need more gas? Michael: Well, I'm writing a message. Pam: Is it a good message or a bad message? Michael: I'm asking Holly a question in fire. Pam: Are you proposing!? Michael: Maybe. Pam: Wow. Michael: Hey you know what? I've got gas all over my hands and my shoes. Would you light it? Would you do the honors please? Pam: Yea. Yea no problem. [runs away] Michael: Pam. Pam: Yep. Micahel: Could you light this please? Pam: Michael, you've had two ideas today. And one of them was great. And the other one was terrible. Michael: I am not in the mood for riddles pam. Pam: This is terrible. Michael: No, this is romantic. Pam: You know what? I'm gonna get a hose. Then we'll talk about it. Ok we'll figure it out. Be right back. Just stay there. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Free sample? [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: My mom makes the best pesto in the world. And I always tell her 'Mom you should sell this, you'd make a fortune' and she always says 'No it's just for family.' Well finally I was like f*** it, I'll sell it so I'm like 'Mom, I need you to make a ton of pesto for a pesto party for all my friends' and she's like 'uh, ok' ... pesto party? Really? Anyway... she makes like a hundred bottles worth. It's so good. And Phyllis... just had that mom look I wanted. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: You got this kosher certified? Ryan: No I meant like uh, it's cool, its kosher, it's all good. Dwight: Ryan, you have such an interesting mind. So creative. All these new business ideas and artistic projects. [laughs] Ryan: Thank you. Whatcha got there? Dwight: Oh, its just Stanley's old photo album. I'm thinking about throwing it in the garbage. I mean, why would I want some random black mans old photo album on my bookshelf. I'm not James Franco. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: things are going very well. I traded a thumb tack for Meredith's junk for Kelly's crap for Phyllis' garbage for Oscars trash for Stanley's garbage for Ryan's junk for Creed's garbage for a very cute squid that Erin happened to have. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Jim, put those away. Jim: [pulls away beans] I'm really sorry. Pam must have put those out. Dwight: just out of curiosity, what were the claims for those beans? Jim: They're legumes Dwight, and you're just gonna make fun of me, so why would I... You know what, this ends now. [crumples up beans, stomps on them, and throws them in a box] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey Michael everyone's in the conference room. Michael: Why? Pam: You called the meeting I don't.. Michael: I did? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Ok. Thank you all for coming. I would like to talk to you all today about... recycling. Pam: Michael. Michael: Yes. Pam: We are a family. Michael: I could not have agreed with you more. Pam: And I've always believed that we should all be involved in everyone's personal lives, in a very major way. Michael: Yes. Thank you. Pam: So about this proposal thing... Michael: No, no, no, no. My minds made up I am not going to change my mind you can't talk me out of it. Pam: Michael, she's perfect for you. Oscar: She's the one. Jim: She's amazing. This is very exciting. Pam: So we just... we wanna help you plan the proposal so that it's safe and responsible and realistic and doable. Michael: I had a great idea until you ruined it. Oscar: Wanna know how to do it? Here's how you do it. Take her out to dinner. Go down on one knee. If you are in costume, you did something wrong. If at any point you find yourself tying a ring to a dogs collar, stop, and look at yourself. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [playing the Dallas board game] Hmm, I'm gonna play me a little ol' black mail card . Kevin: Nice. Andy: And call a proxy meeting to take control of you and oil once and for all. Kevin: No you cant do that. You cant play a black mail card and call a proxy meeting in the same turn. Andy: Why not. Seems to me we're just making up rules cause somebody forgot to staple the rules to the inside of the game like a normal human being. Darryl: And I'm gonna play this here share the wealth card. Andy: Oooh. Darryl: Which entitles me to half of both of y'alls money so if you don't mind. Kevin: no this card is from the wrong game this is from the game of life. Darryl: It was in the box. Andy: Well played. Darryl: Thank you. Andy: We must honorably adhere to the rules we are making up on the spot. Kevin: No but that's not fair. Andy: Well that's Dallas. Darryl: Dallas indeed. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: What... Ryan, where did you get this picture? [a picture of Oscar on Ryans bottles of salsa] [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: My mom also makes the best salsa. [SCENE_BREAK] Holly: This is your moms old stuff? Phyllis: Yeah mostly. Holly: How's she doing? Phyllis: It didn't go down so easy but she's made some friends and it's already better than it was. Holly: How do you know when its time? Phyllis: Uh I don't know if you ever know. And if you wait for the day when your parent to comes to you and says 'I cant take care of myself anymore' its never gonna happen. I have a box of bras under the table if you're interested. Holly: Let me see. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Ok I think animals and proposals are out. Right Ryan didn't you read in one of your blogs that animals are out? Ryan: Blogs are out but people are texting each other no more animals Michael: How about this I throw a corpse dressed like me off of the roof, it hits the ground, the head pops off, this leads me to the line ' I lost my head when I fell in love with you.' Jim: That's a guarantee. Michael: It's easy enough to get a corpse, you just go to a med school. I already have the ring. Jim: Don't think you need the corpse then. Michael: Heres the ring. Pam: Holy s*** is that real? Michael: Yeah. I saved 3 years salary. Oscar: No. [shakes head back and forth] Michael: Is she not going to like that? Pam: No she's going to love it so I think you can keep the proposal simple. You know like when Jim proposed. He just he got down on one knee and he told me that he loved me and he asked me to marry him and it was perfect. Oscar: Where was that. Jim: At a gas station. [oscar laughs] Michael: At a gas station? Jim: Oh it was when she was working in New York so it was halfway between both of us. Michael: That mush have been a surprise when... at the gas station you proposed. Pam: No it was really it was really sweet. It was raining and.. Michael: Oh yea you didn't say that the weather was bad that sounds perfect. I want this to be an event that everyone talks about always and forever. Jim: Totally reasonable. Michael: I just... it's terrifying. Pam: She's not gonna say no. Michael: I know but I'm still scared I don't know why. Jim: Cause it's a big deal. I mean.. I knew Pam was gonna say yes but I was still scared. Pam: You were scared? Jim: Yeah... it.s scary. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Get this... Kevin thought I was gonna sell my Bowflex for 200 dollars and I told him 'Dude this was a prop in my movie.' Holly: Look I need to talk to you. Michael: Ok it's because we haven't sold anything. You know what? We just wait until the end of the day, people get desperate, and they're gonna pay anything. Holly: I think I need to go home to Colorado. My dad isn't doing so well. Michael: Oh ok. For how long? Holly: I don't know. Michael: Is he alright? Holly: Yeah. Michael: You ok? Holly: Yeah, yeah it's just you know I don't want to go home when he's on his death bed you know, I wanna be there when he's still my dad. Michael: Yeah, yeah well you definitely need to do that. Holly: And I want you to come with me. Now I know that's a lot to ask of a boyfriend.. Michael: Ok. Holly: And I was thinking... you know maybe since given our last conversation that we're both ready... Michael Scott will you.. Michael: No, no, shhhhut it. Mhmm. Oh God. Nope, nope, nope. [SCENE_BREAK] Holly: Uh, what? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: No. I am not going to be proposed to in the break room. That is not going to be our story. Mhm hm. Should have burned this place down when I had the chance. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Hey guys it's my turn. Andy: You cant go, you're dead, I shot you 5 moves ago. Kevin: Yeah I told you, you can't shoot people. Darryl: I told you we're way past rules. We have been for some time now. We start having rules now, everything we built collapses. Kevin: This is stupid and I want my money back. Where's the money? Darryl: Yeah where is it? Kevin: Ok you know what? I am never ever playing board games with you two again. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: And that is Dallas. [shows money] [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Nice. Jim: Not bad right. [swinging golf club] Ryan: Can't really tell the... Jim: [to Dwight] Nice. Dwight: I know right...[sees Jim's beans] what the? Jim: Oh my God. Dwight: That... that's impossible. Jim: It is right. I mean, it's impossible. Dwight: All right, I'll take them. Jim: They're probably worthless. Dwight: Probably. [walks away with beans] Jim: Leave the telescope. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I started with a thumb tack and traded my way to a telescope. But in a way the most valuable thing here wasn't the telescope at all. No, it was this... packet of beans. So I traded the telescope for it. And I can just go buy another telescope. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey, how'd we do? Holly: 13 dollars. Michael: That's great and we still have most of our stuff. Good. Holly: Listen about earlier ... Michael: No, no, no, no, lets not talk about that. Holly: It was wrong to put you in that position and... Michael you are my life now. I'm not going to Colorado. Michael: Shhhh. Let's go on a little walk. You know what? I wanna show you some stuff. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: So this is one of my favorite places in the world. Holly: Why? Michael: This is where Toby announced that he was going to Costa Rica. Happiest day of my life. Until the day you came to replace him. Let's go in here. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: This is where we first kissed. Holly: I remember. Michael: And this is where we first made love. Remember what I tried there? Holly: Michael.. [they both laugh] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Through these blinds is where I first saw you, and you had all these boxes, and I thought you were the prettiest mover I had ever seen. And I was sitting at this desk when I called you to tell you that I had herpes and that I was still in love with you and you said that it was over, and that you didn't love me. Thank goodness none of that was true. Including the herpes. Holly: Yes. Michael: In-grown hair. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Right in here... this is where we first co-ran our meeting. Remember, obesity awareness? Holly: Mh hmm. Michael: We saved a lot of lives that day. That's where you first met Michael Klump. Holly: Oh, I say, I say, I say I sit on you! Michael: And right over there is where you found out that Meredith was prostituting herself for Outback steak. And I will never forget that you had the cutest look on your face because you couldn't believe it, you thought it was so wrong. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: And over here.. Holly: What happened here? Michael: Well, nothing. Nothing really. I would just find an excuse to come here so I could stare at you through that window. This is what I'd do. [runs water through hand] Holly: Nice Michael: Let's go in here. [SCENE_BREAK] Holly: [everyone in the office is standing in the kitchen with a lit candle] Hi guys. Michael: This is where our love faces its toughest test. After this, its just smooth sailing for the rest of our lives. Jim: Holly, will you marry me? Holly: No. Stanley: Marry me Holly. Holly: No. Michael: That guy's got more than he can handle as it is. Oscar: Will you marry me? Holly: No. Michael: That marriage would be a sham. Gabe: Will you marry me? Holly: No. Michael: Easy no. Angela: Will you marry me? Holly: No. Michael: That would be hot. I would pay to see that. Ryan: Will you marry me Holly? Holly: No. Michael: Only one that I was kind of worried about. Michael: [the area where Holly's desk is is filled with lit candles] This is where I fell in love with you. And this is where I ask you to marry me. It started with.. [fire sprinklers go on] Holly Flax, marrying me will you be? Holly: Your wife becoming me will I. [everyone in the kitchen starts cheering, then enters annex] Kevin: That's awesome! Pam: Congratulations! Jim: Congratulations! Michael: Thank you. So guys, guys, guys. We're moving to Colorado. Kevin: All of us? Michael: Yep. Jim: Wait, what? Michael: Holly has to go back to Colorado. I'm going with her. I'm leaving.

Plan: A: his expensive diamond ring; Q: What does Michael propose to Holly with? A: outrageous ideas; Q: What does Michael think about when he decides to propose to Holly? A: advice; Q: What does Pam make Michael consult Oscar, Ryan, Jim, and herself for? A: Dunder Mifflin Scranton's warehouse and crew hosts; Q: Who hosts a public garage sale? A: Dwight; Q: Who does Jim dupe into buying "magic beans"? Summary: Michael decides to propose to Holly with his expensive diamond ring, thinking about outrageous ideas to carry out the proposal. When Pam notices, she makes him consult Oscar, Ryan, Jim, and herself for advice, and their opinions on his ideas. Meanwhile, Dunder Mifflin Scranton's warehouse and crew hosts a public garage sale. Jim dupes Dwight by selling him "magic beans". The episode ends with Michael and Holly getting engaged.

[We open with some oiled-up,musclebound, quite naked young man at a photo shoot,wearing a crown and a velvet-and-ermine cape, and holdinga royal orb over the family jewels. The last shot finallyshows him on a poster, announcing the "King ofBabylon" contest. Cut to the poster on the frontdoor of the Liberty Diner, as two patrons enter. In thebackground, Debbie moves toward another poster in theback -- past The Boys sitting at the counter -- and slapsa big "Tonight" sticker on it.] Debbie: Can you believe is a year already? Justin: Since when? Emmett: "King of Babylon Contest". Michael: As always seems so a big deal. But a week laterno-one can remember one. Ted: Angel Ascobar - 5' 10''. 175'', 28' waist, 9 inchcock and a birthmark in a shape of Placido Domingo in hisright eye. Emmett: Wow, we give him attention. Blake: Should I be jealous? [Ted grins and gives him a sweet kiss. Mike and Emmettexchange a skeptical look.] Emmett: I think I skip the desert. Brian: Who cares about a bunch of steroid gym bunniesdancing around in their shorts, anyway? Debbie: Considering you f*cked all last year contestants- you? Justin: God, who did that? Michael: Who wouldn't f*ck Brian? Justin: No, I meant stripping in front of all of thosepeople? Ted: For a $1000 bucks and a trip to the Bahamas? A lotof guys. Emmett: Especially if they're on drugs -- please, they'lldo anything. [Ted glares at Emmett. Emmett smiles tightly at Blake.] Emmett: Ups, sorry. [Later, The Boys -- plus Blakebut minus Justin -- walk to their respective homes/cars.] Ted: Blake acknowledges his addiction, and he's workingon it. Blake: I've been going to meetings at the Gay and LesbianCenter. Emmett: My, my, my little budy be. So, we're up forBabylon? Michael: I don't know. I don't think David's would gonnago, 'cause it's kinda late. Brian: Does he already has his teeth on the glass bythen? Michael: You are already know he gets up 6 o'clock in themorning and runs 5 miles while you're still in your bed. Brian: I feel what's my best cardio workout. Michael: I'm sure he would go when I'm wanted it. Brian: Uh-huh. Michael: It's true. Brian: Alright, then make sure he's there. Michael: Alright, I will. Brian: OK. Michael: OK. Brian: Great! Emmett: [to Ted] So, you're coming? Ted: Well Babylon isn't exactly a drug-free environment. Brian: Well, you know Blake's a big boy why you don't lethim decide? Blake: I'm fine. Really. Ted: We're in. Emmett: Hurra! Only it's starting feel permamentlycouples night. And I'm the only single boy left. Brian: Excuse me, what the f*ck you think I am? [On cue, Justin runs up to Brian, grabs his arm] Justin: Are we're gonna go to Babylon? [Emmett busts up laughing. Brian pushes Emmett down thestreet.] [David's home. David's bent overthe bed, folding laundry and putting it away. Mike comesout of the bathroom, brushing his teeth. Mike sayssomething unintelligible because of the toothpaste in hismouth.] David: What? [Mike scampers into the bathroom, spits, and thenscampers back out to repeat] Michael: I said, those jeans are old and too tight. Howcome I've never seen them before? David: I onlywear them when I don't have clean clothes. Michael: Well, you must stop doing laundry, immediately.Hey, you feel like going out? Tonight is the King ofBabylon Contest. David: Oh Michael, I'm too old for that sh1t. Michael: No, you're not! David: Yes, I am. Michael: If the guys saw how incredibly sexy you look inthose jeans, they'd probably stop... [pauses] David: What? Michael: Nothing, never mind. I shouldn't say anything. David: Nah, nah. What you're gonna say? Michael: They'd probably stop making comments about adultdiapers and denture cream, and, uh, penile implants. David: Penile implants?! Michael: Hey, you said to yourself, you're too old forthat sh1t! [Mike goes back to the bathroom to rinse. David takes alook at himself in the mirror, pulling up his shirt toshow cut abs and a nice tight waist] [Meanwhile, back at Babylon, TheBoys plus Blake wait outside in the cold for Mike andDavid.] Brian: I knew they wouldn't come. Michael giving the oldman probably a prostate massage. Emmett: There were worst ways to spend a Saturday night. Michael: Hey boys. Sorry, we're late. We had to wait forDavid's finished his thousand sit-ups. [David stomps around in the cold, turning some, and weget a zoom-in shot of the ripped-up butt of his jeans.] Emmett: Wow. David, you... you look great. Brian: OK, enough of this. Let's go inside! [Babylon!HDGBs in sailor slut regalia dance on a stage against abackground proclaiming, "King of Babylon,"while glitter falls on the crowds below.] Ted: Let's have a drink, on me. Brian: No, I think I check out the dance floor. Emmett: Yeah, me too. Justin: Same here. Michael: Thanks anyway. Blake: I guess I won't be winning any popularity conteststonight. Ted: Is not your problem. It's theirs. C'mon. [Ted tries to lead Blake to the bar, but Blake's stoppedby a taller, floppy-haired guy.] Guy: Hey, dude. Blake: How's goin'? Guy: I haven't seen you around. Blake: I've been away. Guy: Welcome back. Need a favor? Blake: No, thanks. Ted: Who's that? Blake: Nobody. My dealer. Ex-dealer. Ted: I knows we shouldn't have come here. Blake: It's ok. I'm okay. Look, you have to trust me, OK? Ted: I do. Let's dance. [In the middle of the melee, an announcement comes overthe loudspeaker.] Loudspeaker: Gentlemen and gentleman, welcome our hostessour hostess for the evining, her royal ruthless Sheba,Queen of Babylon. [A fierce drag queen, dressed in the finest of Cleopatracostumes enters, borne on a litter carried by fourloinclothed HDGBs. She stumbles out of the chariot,almost falling.] Sheba: Gotta make sure that my royal tits are intact.Alright boys. Go away. Go away now -- go play withyourselves. [The crowd roars with laughter.] Sheba: Welcome to the 47th Annual Academy Award... ups,wrong show. Welcome to the King of Babylon contest wherethe competition is stiff, and so are the contestants! Butdon't wrapped up boys, you can still sign up to drop trouand win a thou. Alright our first contestant isFour-Alarm Fred -- he'll light your fire and put it out. [She makes way for a professional dancer dressed as afireman. The camera cuts back and forth between hisslo-mo striptease and the frenzied crowd. On the otherside of the dance floor.] Brian: Shaved chest, pec implants, steroids, Hair Clubfor Men. Justin: Yeah it's sad, isn't it. All these older guys,still partying way past their prime. They don't know whento stop. So, how about the real thing? Brian: Check back with me in an hour. Justin: What? So, I'm a backup plan? Who you do when allelse fails? Brian: How many times I have to tell you, we're not acouple. Michael and David are a couple. Lindsay andMelanie are a couple. Ted and what's his name are acouple. Justin: Yeah, what are we? Brian: I don't know about you, but I'm single. [He saunters off, leaving Justin simmering. Cut back toFour-Alarm Fred, turned around and pulling off hisjockstrap.] [A mall restroom. Vic enters andwalks up to one of the urinals. He starts to pee, andthen another guy walks up and takes the urinal right nextto him, even though there are, like, three othersavailable.] Man: Hey. Vic: Hello. [Vic checks the guy out, and notices that he's sort of,uh, rubbing his dick. Vic turns back to his own urinal.] Man: So, what are you do? Vic: Well I'm into shopping, dinner, and a movie. The newJulia Roberts and his lover. Man: You're... wanna do something? Vic: Sorry, but public restrooms aren't my scene. Man: But how about we go something place else? [Vic just kind of looks at him and doesn't say anything.] [Meanwhile, back at Babylon,Emmett wanders aimlessly through the crowd.] Emmett: [v-o] "My God, it's so loud in here, you canbarely hear yourself think!" [The music quiets down]"Oh. That's better. Why I'm insist to come here?It's always the same. Guys who interested in me, but I'mnot interested on them. The ones who I'm interestedaren't interested in me." [And then the crowds part, revealing, at the end, a youngman with Emmett's same build, but a floppier haircut.Suddenly, the music dies down, and is replaced by theinstrumental version of "Maria" from the Tonyand Maria meet-and-greet scene in West Side Story. Emmettand his doppelganger draw closer, hardly believing theireyes. The lights dim; they lean in, they lean away. Theyturn their backs on each other and then turn aroundagain. They even extend they arms and snap their fingers.The music comes back on, and we're back in Babylon, whileEmmett and his doppelganger admire each other in awe.] Sheba: Gentleman and gentleman, contestant number 2:Officer O'Reilly - Pretty arresting, don't you think?Officer, I just got a parking ticket -- strip-search me! [Meanwhile, back at the bar] David: The problem with this contest is that it exposesthe single most tragic flaw of gay culture. Brian: Exposes are a lot more than that, doc. David: An almost pathological obsession with youth,beauty, and smooth, muscular bodies. Brian: I know. What a shame! David: Until we break free of our stunted adolescence andour superficial values, we'll always be boys, never men. Brian: Is that all? Michael: I have find what David say about profoundlyinsightful. Brian: I find it's profoundly full of sh1t. An opinionput forth as truth by a bunch of hypocritical, jealous,guilt-ridden, self-loathing, middle-aged,sexually-frustrated, pseudo-intellectual fags who wishthey were straight. [David laughs at Brian. Michael glares at Brian.Babylon's only black patron dances on.] David: So, why don't you sign up? Brian: Cause I don't need to dance in underwear to getlaid. David: Or maybe you can't handle the competition. [Brian saunters away. Michael looks like he's worried,but he doesn't know why.] Michael: Oh my god, he's gonna sign up. David: No way. Michael: He is. Sheba: Our next contestant is Mohammed. He's a masteryoga instructor from Rick's Gym. He can performauto-fellatio -- what the f*ck's that? If that's giving ablow job in your car, then I'm a master, too! [Mohammed is dressed like a Buddhist monk -- but not forlong. He rips off his skirt and twirls around the pole.Sheba leaves the backstage area, one of her minionslights her cigarette] Sheba: sh1t, this flowers are wilting. I get tomorrow acontest on BoyToy. Why the long face, sweetheart? Justin: Nothing. - This guy. Sheba: Aren't they always? So, what did this guy do? Justin: He takes me for granted. Sheba: Somebody looks like you can anybody got he wants. Justin: I know. That parts I find so irritating! Sheba: Maybe he needs to know it. Maybe everyone needs toknow it. [Liberty Diner. The drag queenworking the counter.] Dragqueen: Hey Deb! Telephon! It's your brother. Debbie: Hey Vic, what's up, honey? Vic: Don't panic. I've been arrested. Debbie: What?! Vic: I said don't panic! And don't tell anybody, nobody.Not even Michael. Debbie: What happened? Vic: I was in the mall and I went to pee. Debbie: What did they charge you with, not flushing? Vic: Indecent exposure. Debbie: Indecent ex...? What the hell are you doin'? Vic: I didn't do anything, sis, I swear. Can you comedown? I'm on the station on Liberty and Grand. Debbie: I leaving right now. Stay calm! Vic: Can you bring my meds? I should have taking them ahour ago. Debbie: Yeah, don't worry. Don't worry about anything. [Babylon! Emmett and True LoveGuy are still standing in the middle of the dance floor,staring at each other, transfixed. Classical music.] Emmett: I can't explain it. It's like we've known eachother... Guy: ...all of our lives. Emmett: Exactly. It's like I've been waiting for you. Guy: And I've been waiting for you. Emmett: Two halves of the same soul -- Guy: ...that have finally met. Emmett: It's wild. Look, I know this is rather forward ofme -- I mean, I realize that we just met -- but would youmind, that is? If I...? Guy: Go right ahead. [They kiss. And then, Quick Flash to the Back Room ofSex, where True Love Guy is getting the ultimate blow jobfrom Emmett. TLG finally comes, screaming, eyes crossed,yada yada. Other people in the Backroom of s*x applaudtheir performance, and then go back to their respectivehotgaymalesex acts. Emmett gets off his knees and,delicately wiping the corners of his mouth.] Emmett: Was that all right, my love? Guy: It was like Christmas, and New Year's, and mybirthday all rolled up into one. Emmett: Not the Fourth of July? Guy: Well, I'm saving that for you! [And throws Emmett against the wall. Back at the bar, TheBoys continuing watching as everyone else gets theirgroove things on.] Blake: I'll be right back. Ted: Where you goin'? Blake: Bathroom. Michael: Think it's a good idea to let him go alone Ted: Would you like me to hold it for him? Michael: No, I mean after what happened last time. Ted: It's called trust. Brian: Yeah, you can trust that he'll end up in theEmergency Room. Ted: Maybe he won't. Maybe he'll disappoint you both.Maybe he'll actually be all right. [Brian throws an arm around Ted's neck, leans in] Brian: When you were a boy, did you save the birds withthe broken wings? Ted: What did you do, tear them off? [Emmett walks up with the guy introduces him.] Emmett: Everybody, I want you to meet a very specialsomeone. Guy: I'm Brent. [The Boys say hi] Michael: Anyone who's special to Emmett is special to us. Brent: Who? Emmett: That's me. [The Boys grin, because this is just getting better andbetter.] David: How long did you know each other? Emmett: In this lifetime, only a brief while. But Ibelieve that in past lives, we've known each other manytimes. before, don't you? Brent: It's the only explanation for how we could have somuch in common. Emmett: You can't believe it! We're both loved Brad Pitt! Brent: Clinique for Men. Together: Especially when they're having a sale. Emmett: Green onion potato chips. Brent: And the same favorite song, "Somewhere OutThere. Brian: Now that on candy. Michael: Come and have a drink with us. [Ted starts to stew.] Michaek: Hey, what's up? What's the problem? Ted: Emmett know some people for 15 minutes, he'spractically a frat-brother. To Blake you can't barelyspeak to each other. Michael: Maybe that's because I don't know what to say.'So, I hear you almost killed my friend. So, you passedout on the bathroom floor, you wanna be buds?' Ted: I ever thoughed that if anyone would have give him achance, you would. [The Happy Fun House(R). Thedoorbell rings, and Melanie makes her way down the stairsto answer it. It's Debbie, frantic.] Mel: What's the matter? Debbie: I've been calling but there was no answer. Mel: We turn the phone off cause it wakes Gus. Debbie: I'm sorry by coming so late. Vic's in jail. Lindsay: What? Debbie: He said, he goin to the mall and went to the mensroom. The next thing is they arrested him for Indecentexposure. Lindsay: Indecent exposure? Debbie: Yeah, he sweers he didn't do anything. But heneeds a lawyer and I didn't know... Mel: No, it's okay. I gonna go get dressed. Lindsay: Well, if he didn't do anything wrong, why didthey arrest him? Mel: It's harassment of gay people. Cops just likeplaying 'capture the fag.' Debbie: [to Linds] What you saying? Vic did something? Lindsay: I'm just asking. Debbie: I'm telling you. I know my own brother. And it'scrap! Mel: It's gonna be OK. I'm gonna go dressed. When I'mback we're move on. [Babylon! The Boys have moved toone of the upper balconies, still watching everyone elsehave a life. Justin sidles up to Brian.] Justin: You said to check back with you in an hour. Brian: I still have eight minutes left. [Justin follows Brian's gaze down to a guy on the dancefloor -- wearing a t-shirt that says "Dreamboy"-- with whom he is exchanging The Look of HomosexualAcknowledgement.] Justin: He has zits on his ass, a tragic endowment, andis just getting over a nasty case of gonorrhea. Brian: Hu-huh. Justin: Well, if I were you, I wouldn't wait too long. By then I might have other plans. [And he stomps off.] [SCENE_BREAK] [The restroom. Blake's washing his hands, as Dino leans against the wall nearby.] Dino: So, what's with you, anyway? Blake: Nothing. Dino: Who's your "friend"? Blake: Nobody. Dino: Looks pretty tight to me. How come you didn'tintroduce us? Blake: He wouldn't like you. Dino: Even if I offered him a 'favor'? Blake: He'll not interested in any of your favors. [The dealer pulls out a small baggie of something and thescreen does that swoosh-flash thing as Blake stares atit.] Dino: Great stuff. Great price. Blake: I told you, I'm not interested. [Blake's about to head up the stairs to join the boyswhen Ted, waiting at the bottom of the stairs, grabs hisarm.] Blake: What are you doin? Ted: What it looks like? Order outside the mensroom. Blake: Did you come and check up for me? Ted: Of course not! It's seem to me to see the cutestguys here. Blake: Cause I told you, I'm fine. [The dealer walks out and in between them, giving Blake aknowing look.] Ted: I know. Blake: C'mon, let's go and find the others. Ted: I'm not. I rather be alone with you. [Back onthe stage, Sheba has changed into Marilyn Monroe's dressfrom The Seven Year Itch.] Sheba: Gentleman prefers blond and this blond prefersgentleman in leathers. A big hand for Dwayne. [He's dressed as a biker. Professional dancer, hot, bothnipples pierced. Emmett and Brent walk through the crowd,to the tune of "Dance of the SugarplumFairies."] Emmett: I always dreamed about living in a littlecottage. Brent: With a little garden out back? Emmett: Where I can grow lavender and daffodils, and weara big sun bonnet...that ties under the chin. Brent: And we cook gourmet meals... Emmett: Season with our very own vegetable. Brent: And in snowy evenings we're snuggling in front ofthe fire. Emmett: And in the summer, and we're take a long, lazywalks on a sun covered country-lane. Brent: It's heaven. Emmett: Blizz. Brent: I'll be right back. Don't go away. Emmett: I'll be waiting, right here. [Brent kisses him and takes off.] [Back atthe bar, Mike's clapping along to the music, but David'sbored.] David: You've had enough pulsating, grinding flesh forone evening? Michael: I'm ready to go when you are. Brian: No, you can't leave yet. You'll miss my bignumber. Michael: Alright, like you really gonna through it. Brian: Well if you leave now you'll never know. [Onstage, Sheba waves goodbye to Dwayne] Sheba: If Dwayne becomes King, he'll be the ruler bywhich all others are measured. And I oughta know -- Imeasured him myself. Our next contestant likes youngermen. His favorite pastime is feeling superior, and hisspecial skill is manipulating people. David: [to Brian] Must be you. Sheba: Let's put our hands together for Pittsburgh'shunkiest chiropractor, Dr. David Cameron! [David's shocked.] David: You asshole! Sheba: Dr.Cameron! Michael: I thoughed you signing off yourself. Brian: Now, why would I do that? You know I find thisobsession with youth and abs and s*x so appalling. Michael: You don't have to go up there. David: Believe me, I have no intention. Michael: Thank God. You don't want to make a fool ofyourself, dancing around in your underwear, at your age. Brian: Don't worry, Doc, it's just a joke. David: You think I can't do it? At my age? Sheba: Pageing Dr.Cameron! [Finally David shrugs at Michael and heads out to thestage. David gingerly approaches the pole, but starts toget into it as he unbuttons his shirt. Michael folds hisarms tight across his chest, about to burst into flames.Brian and the crowd love it. David even rips off hisundershirt. Michael is very, very upset. David unbuttonshis jeans, turns around, and drops 'em.] [The Police Station.] Mel: Excuse me, Sergeant. We're here to searching for... Debbie: Victor Grassi. Cop: Oh, I'm sorry you have to come back later, he'sstill being processed. Debbie: But I'm his sister. Mel: And I'm Mr.Grassi's attorney. Can you please tellhow much bail is set out? Cop: $5,000. Mel: What? Debbie: 5.000? Mel: Isn't that high for a first offense? Cop: Says here he's got previous arrest. Mel: For what? Cop: For possession of an illegal substance. Debbie: He was pulled over. It was ten years ago. Therewas a joint in the glove compartment. It wasn't even his! Mel: Why didn'tyou say something? Debbie: Because even when we are kids he never squealedon me. Debbie: Look, officer, my brother is very sick. He got totake his meds. Cop: What's wrong with him? Debbie: He is HIV-positive. Cop: Oh. Figures. Mel: Excuse me? Cop: No drugs allowed in the holding cell, until theprison doctor can examin him. Debbie: But these are prescribtion medications. His lifedepends on it. Cop: If he's so sick, what was he doing hanging out inthe public men's restroom? Debbie: Taking a piss! [The cop shakes his head and turns back to his paperwork.Melanie leads Debbie away.] [Babylon! David, sans shirt,walks back to the bar, followed by a bevy of HDGBs tryingto give him their phone numbers. David's loving it. Mikestomps up, rips the pieces of paper out of their hands.] Michael: Do you mind?! He's already taken! I suppose yourplease to yourself. Wipe that grin off your face, and putyour shirt on! I don't want to hear another word! [He grabs him by the ear, and leads him off the dancefloor. Meanwhile, Emmett's wandering around looking forBrent, and Justin's wandering around looking for Brian.Justin sees Brian talking to Dreamboy. Justin's littleheart just breaks. Justin finds Sheba, dressed like QueenElizabeth and conveniently standing right behind him, andwhispers something in her ear. Sheba goes back onstage.] Sheba: May I have your attention, boys and boys? The nextcontestant loves the Powerpuff Girls, margaritas, andolder men who take him for granted. Here is Justin! [He has taken off his shirt and grabbed a cowboy hat anda tattered vest. Brian and Dreamboy are both fascinatedby this display. Mike looks scared. Ted's shocked. Emmettcheers Justin on. Brian sees that Dreamboy is all intoJustin, so Brian kisses Dreamboy to regain his attention.Dreamboy kisses Brian back, but keeps his eyes open sothat he can look at Justin. Justin's watching them, too.] Music: Carole Pope # High School Confidential #He's a cool blonde scheming trick You want him so much you feel sick The boy can't help it He really can't help it now Teenage Brandos stalk him in the halls They tease him with cat calls He's a combination Tom Cruise / Zack O'Tool High school high school confidential High school high school confidential [Brian tries to drag Dreamboy off, but Dreamboy wants tostay and watch.] #What's that man doing with him? It's that guy and he's screwing with him Can you feel the sexy sweat? He makes you cream your jeans so you won't forget High school high school confidential High school high school confidential He drives a loaded jeep with seats in the back If you don't do him soon you'll have a heart attack When he flashes you a look You wanna burn his books Give up high school Well well well well High school high school confidential High school high school confidential High school high school confidential High school high school confidential [Emmettwalks up to a lower landing on the stairs, which is whereBrent finds him.] Emmett: Where were you? I starting to worried. Brent: Sorry. I got hung up. Emmett: That's okay; it gave me more time to miss you.And be even happier, now that you're back. [Emmett leans in for a kiss and then pauses] Emmett: Is that cologne? Brent: I guess so. Emmett: Oh, I don't remember you ever wearing cologne. Brent: I just started. Emmett: Is everything alright? You seem a little distant. Brent: Everything's fine. [Emmett grabs Brent's hand and tries to turn back totheir cottage fantasy, but Brent stops him.] Emmett: So, where were we? Oh, cute little cottage. Brent: No, wait. I can't lie to you. We've meant too muchto each other for that. I've met someone new. Emmett: Who? We've only been together an hour andforty-five minutes! Brent: Look, I didn't mean for it to happen. I swear, Inever meant to hurt you. [Emmett runs away from him, trying not to cry. Backonstage, Justin's finally finished, and soaks up theapplause.] [Meanwhile,Brent chases Emmett outside.] Emmett: How could you do this to me?! To us? After allthat we've shared? Brent: Please, don't make this harder than it has to be. Emmett: You said that you've never felt so close toanyone in your whole life. That we were two halves of thesame soul! Brent: Things change. People change. Emmett: I haven't changed! I still love you. Brent: In time a passion dies. You just have to accept itand move on. Emmett: Fine! Go! Move on! Who's stopping ya? Brent: I'll remember you. Always. Emmett: Yeah, how long is that? Until tomorrow? I gaveyou the best minutes of my life! [And then he saunters off, in grand Barbra style.] [Police Station. Debbie walks upto the desk sergeant again.] Debbie: So, you got the nightshift, sergeant? I did thesame thing at the diner. Midnight to eight and inaddition from eight to four. Sixteen hours straight. Ihelp to pay for my brothers medical bills. But you dothat, you know, when someone in your family is sick. Isanybody in your family who needs attention? Cop: My sister's a diabetic. She got it when she wasabout 10. Debbie: Yes? How's she doin'? Cop: They cut her leg off a few years ago. Now she'slosing her sight. Debbie: So, I imagine you'd swim the English Channel tobe there for her, huh? Cop: Actually, we don't see muchof each other. We never really got along. Now, do youmind? I'm trying to work here. [Debbiedrops a packet of meds on the desk.] Debbie: It's a few pills. It's a few f*ckin' pills! [Melanie gently pulls her away from the desk.] Debbie: How the hell we're getting $5000? [Back at Babylon, Sheba onceagain takes the stage, in order to announce the winner.] Sheba: I believe we have a winner. Everybody down on yourknees where I know you all want to be for the new King ofBabylon. His royal highness... Justin! [Dreamboy cheers. Brian frowns in disbelief as Justin iscrowned. Sheba gives him a big hug] Sheba: [whispers to Justin] Now, whoever that asshole iswho's been ignoring you, he's not taking you for grantedanymore. [Justin makes his way back to Brian and Dreamboy] Justin: Did you see me? Brian: Yeah, I saw you. Justin: Well? Brian: I think that contest was rigged. Dreamboy: You known him? Brian: I taught him everything he knows. Justin: Except how to dance. [Brian takes the burn, and Dreamboy lustfully gazes atJustin.] Justin: [to Dreamboy]: So, what's your name? I'd ask him,but I'm sure he doesn't know. Dreamboy: Sean. Justin: You're hot. I was watching you... Dreamboy: You were? Justin: It made me want to f*ck all night. [Brian looks back and forth between the two of them,seriously not believing this is happening.] Justin: Wanna get outta here? Dreamboy: You're leave. Brian: I thought we had plans. Justin: [laughs] You couldn't do better, and I told you Imight have plans, too. Dreamboy: What's his problem? Justin: He's just my stalker. Dreamboy: I suppose we could have a threeway. Only, he iskind of old. Justin: We're also kind of leaving. [Back on the dance floor, David has somehow gotten awayfrom Michael, and is continuing his well-loathed,hypocritical ways by dancing with not one but two sweatyHDGBs. Mike finds him.] Michael: Excuse me? An hour ago, weren't you the one whowas tired of all this pulsating flesh and wanted to gohome? David: What's the rush? Michael: No rush. I just thoughed you didn't approved.All the misplaced emphasis... Davod: Well, maybe I was being a little judgmental. Michael: Try hit hypocritical. David: Now, who's being judgmental? Michael: Just be honest. Don't judge someone forsomething you wish you could do, but never had the guts.I'm goin' home. [Mike stomps away, past Ted and Blake.] Blake: There is Michael. Ted: So? Blake: So? You haven't see you all night. Don't youwanna...? Ted: I already told you, I'd rather be with you. Blake: I know. But it's some sort of... Ted: What? Blake: ...problem that account on me? Ted: Of course not. Blake: But if there is I don't wanna come between you andyour friends. Ted: You're not. Even if you were it wouldn't matter. Blake: Look, don't say that. I don't wanna do anything tohurt you. If I caused trouble with your friends... Ted: If a friend of mine has a problem with you, all itmeans is that he was never my friend to begin with. [He and Blake give each other a bigrelationship-affirming hug. Brian, on the other hand, istrying to affirm something else. He goes downstairs tothe Back Room of s*x. He watches Justin and Sean go at itunder the stairs. The King is dead, all hail the King. Atleast Brian can say he f*cked this year's winner.] [Outside the club, Mike's pullingon his gloves when Melanie and Debbie come running up.] Debbie: Michael! Michael: Mom, Melanie, what are you doin' here? Mel: Where is Brian? [They goback inside the club; Debbie explains the situation] Debbie: I was hoping maybe you can help. Brian: I would Debbie, but I can't rop a bank on saturdaynight. Debbie: Maybe credit cards? Michael: Well, the maximum withdrawal at an ATM is $500. David: I can cover it, if they take a check. Mel: Only if it's certified. Debbie: sh1t! Could they make this more fuckingdifficult?! Mel: OK, we can call a bail bondsman. [Blake runs off to find Dino. He confers with him for amoment, and then goes back to the group. Blake handsMelanie Marcus a card.] Blake: If you call this number, mention this guys name.They put up the bail for you. Ted: What was that all about? Blake: I'm asking him for a favor. Debbie: Thank you. Oh, thank you, um? Blake: Blake. Debbie: Blake. Thank you, Blake. I'm Debbie. Oh, thankyou. [to Ted] It's some friend you've got. Ted: Yeah, I like to think so. Debbie: Oh thank you. Where did you find him? Ted: It's a long story, Deb. Michael: [to Blake] Thanks. Blake: No problem. Michael: I'm sorry if I'm been... shitty. Blake: It's because you care about Ted. So do I. [Mike gives Blake a hug.] Ted: I miss something? Michael: No. Blake: No. Nothing. Mel: OK, we're all set. Let's go. Debbie: Thanks again. [The Station. Vic's released, butis pretty humiliated when he sees Mike and Melanie withDebbie.] Vic: Jesus Christ, I told you not to tell. Michael: There is nothing to be ashamed of, Uncle Vic.We're know you're innocent. Vic: I just wannago home. Can we please go home? Debbie: I take you home right now. First I want you totake your meds. I trying to get you the meds all night. Vic: It's allright. The desk sergegant gave me my pills. [David's home.] David: I don't think I ever seen you so jealous. Michael: I am not jealous. How would you feel if yourboyfriend was being ogled by every fag in town? David: So happens he is. Michael: Oh, I am, yes. David: Constantly.Only you'll never noticed. Michael: Oh, yeah, that's my problem. Faulty gaydar. David: Lucky for me. Michael: So, you're proving how hot you are, even at yourage, I'm suppose you gonna goin' partying every night. David: Not every night, but it was nice to get theattention. To know I'm still attractive. I must admit,hot young men with smooth muscular bodies have theircertain appeal. But there are other things: work, my son,and you. Michael: So, hang these jeans up until next laundry dayand doin' a little dance for me? [He does it for Michael.] [The next morning at the LibertyDiner, the boys plus Blake share a booth.] Brian: This coffee is for sh1t. Michael: So, Justin's the new King of Babylon. Emmett: So, the cub caught the lion's prey. Hmmm. Ted: So, even though you like to rest on your laurels,secure in your position of power, now you know they'resnapping at your heels. So, now you'll have to runfaster, and faster... Brian: Can you pass the f*cking sugar?! Emmett: You should be proud if it. Like father, like son. [Ted looks up.] Ted: Isn't that Brent? Brian: Who's Brent? Michael: Emmett's old flame. Emmett: Must be with his new love. [Emmett summons up the courage to walk over. Brent meetshim halfway.] Emmett: A long time. Brent: I thought of you. Often. Emmett: You look good. Brent: You, too. You've seen anyone? Emmett: Not really. You? Brent: We just met. Emmett: So, you'll be free tonight? Brent: Probably. Would you...? Emmett: Don't. We can't go back. I prefer to remember[brushing a hand across Brent's forehead] The Way WeWere. [Emmett walks to the bathroom, as Justin takes his placeat the booth, to the applause of his friends. Brian,studiously reading the paper.] Justin: What a night! Brian: So, how was he? Justin: He had the greatest ass. I brought him back and Ifucked him all night. My dick's going to be sore for aweek. Brian: That's enough. Michael: Actually, I like to hear more. Ted: Speak slowly and e-nun-ci-ate. Justin: He had a great head. He wanted me to f*ck himwith my crown on. It's gonna kinky. After a while, he gotreally clingy. He wanted to know when he could see meagain. Brian: So, what did you tell him? Justin: I told him that he could see me in his dreams. [Emmett walks up to them with another poster] Emmett: So, who's up for the Absolute Abs Contest?

Plan: A: Vic; Q: Who will be crowned King of Babylon? A: Brian; Q: Who is beaten at his own game? Summary: Who will be crowned King of Babylon? An innocent trip to the mall lands Vic in jail; Brian is beaten at his own game.

Act 1 Scene 1 - Cafe Nervosa Fade in. Roz is sitting at the table by the bookshelves, Frasier comes up and joins her. Frasier: What a glorious day! Can't help but put a bounce in one's step, can it? Roz: [trying to open some aspirin] If you're gonna be cheerful, sit somewhere else. Damn it! I broke a nail. Frasier: Here. Frasier takes the bottle as Niles comes up. Frasier: Oh, hello, Niles. Niles: If my life gets any worse, I'm phoning Hell to ask about their exchange program. [He sits.] Frasier: Well, lucky me, I stumbled in at happy hour. He opens the aspirin and gives it to Roz. Frasier: Here. So, Niles, Maris at it again? Niles: Oh, worse. It's so depressing I can barely talk about it. My gourmet club is holding elections to see who will win this year's Golden Apron... Roz: Wait. I can see I'm gonna need a hanky for this. Niles: [to waiter] Latte, please, to go. Normally, the finalists compete by giving lectures. I'd written mine, a waggish look at food fads of yesteryear entitled "Fondue: What Were We Thinking?" Frasier chuckles and nods approval. Niles: Suddenly last night, disaster. Someone proposed that instead of giving lectures, this year's finalists compete by hosting dinner parties in their homes. Roz: So? Why don't you invite 'em all over and cook 'em a meal? Niles: At the Shangri-La? I can't tell the cream of Seattle's gourmet set that I've moved out of the Montana and into that gulag with a game room. I'll just have to drop out of the race. Frasier: Let's not be hasty. Let's give this some thought. Every problem has a solution. Roz: Do you call that a problem? A problem is when your kid keeps you up three nights in a row with colic, and you're so burned out you rear-end a Lexus, with four passengers, each and every one a lawyer, so you'll probably be sued and spend the rest of your working life, if you ever even GET a job, lining the pockets of four blood-sucking, whiplash-faking fat cats. THAT'S what a problem is. Frasier: Can you have it at a restaurant? Niles: It's against the rules. Roz: Thanks for the sympathy! She stomps off. Frasier: Well... Niles: Sympathy for what? Frasier: Oh, I don't know, she broke a nail. The waiter brings Niles his coffee. Frasier: Anyway, Niles, try as I might, I can't think of a single thing. I'm sorry. Niles: Well, don't blame yourself. Blame Claudia Kynock, the whole dinner scheme was her greedy notion. Frasier: Claudia Kynock? Kevin's widow? Niles: Can you believe it? She owns six newspapers and nine radio stations, she'll still cadge a free meal faster than that bulbous cartoon fellow who mooches hamburgers from Popeye. I know I must sound... Frasier: Wimpy. Niles: And whiny too. But... I wanted this. And after the year I've been through, I needed something to restore my pride, my dignity, my manhood. That Golden Apron could do it. Frasier: And you are going to have it. You can have the dinner party at my house. Niles: You mean it? Frasier: Yes. I'll tell you what: I'll rent an extra-large table and I'll share in the hosting chores. Niles: You are a saint. Niles's coffee comes, and he and Frasier get up. Niles: Though I did note you only offered after you found that out our club includes a rich station owner who could give you a job. Frasier: Well, Niles, I must say I'm hurt. I offer you something out of the goodness of my heart, you make it sound like I'm a shallow opportunist. Niles: I'm terribly sorry. How can I make it up to you? Frasier: Oh, I don't know. Sit me next to someone interesting. Niles: Oh, Claudia, perhaps. Frasier: Yes. Put her on my left, it's my best side. They leave. Fade out. SEOUL MATES Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Daphne is sitting on the couch with her friend Pam, drinking wine. Pam: He actually marked the bottle so he'd know if you took some? Daphne: Yeah. Then he marched into my room and confronted me with the evidence. I said "All right. If you want to be such a miser, then fine, I'll buy my own bath salts." Martin comes in from his room, trying to act casual. He is wearing a sweater which notably is the same garish-yet-typically-Martin one that Daphne gave him for Christmas in "Perspectives On Christmas" last season. Martin: Oh, hi, Pam. I didn't know you were here. Daphne: I told you this morning she was coming by. Martin: It musta slipped my mind. Don't you look nice tonight. Pam: You too, Martin. I love your sweater. Martin: Yeah, pretty cheerful, huh? Not everyone can wear these colors. Daphne: It helps if you're a matador. [to Pam] Come on, we don't want to be late for the movie. They get up, Daphne grabbing the wine and glasses. Pam: Can I freshen up first? Martin: Oh, yeah, yeah, right through there. Pam goes into the powder room, Daphne turns on Martin. Daphne: You dirty old man! Flirting with a girl her age! Martin: Well, she was flirting right back. I saw her giving me the once-over. Daphne: Yeah, she looked once and it was over. She heads into the kitchen, Martin follows. Daphne: You've never acted this silly with any of my other girl friends. What's so special about Pam? Martin: Oh, nothing. She's just young and friendly, and... she reminds me of the girls I used to date back during the war. Daphne: What, you mean Korea? Mr. Crane, it's not dating when you're an occupying force. Martin: Well, just ask her if she's interested. Daphne: Have you lost your mind? Martin: Hey, the gals in Pyong Chang used to think I was pretty damn cute. Daphne: Yeah well, this is a bit different. You're not twenty-one and her village hasn't just burned down. Cut to - the living room as they come out of the kitchen. Daphne: You're not going to get her with a kind smile and a Hershey bar. Martin: Oh, just ask her, OK? Daphne: [grabbing her coat] You know, this explains that so-called "mix-up" with those mail order videos. Mistake my fanny, you ordered "The Joy Luck Club"! Niles and Frasier come in the front as Pam comes out of the powder room. Martin sits in his chair. Frasier: Oh, hi Dad, Daphne. Pam, nice to see you. Daphne: Good night, all. Martin: Pam? She turns to him, he waves goodbye and says something in Korean. From her confused look, we can tell that Martin has either butchered her language or said something extremely rude. Daphne: Just keep moving. They leave. Niles dials his cell phone as Frasier hangs up his coat. Niles: What's with Dad? Frasier: It's a Korea thing, don't ask. He heads over to pour sherries. Niles: [on his cell phone] Oh, my God! He said yes, I've got him! [hangs up] That was a message from Marcel DeBoeuf! He's agreed to cater my dinner for the gourmet club. Frasier: Oh, Niles, that is a coup. Martin: Who? Frasier: Marcel DeBoeuf, Dad. He's the famous sculpter-turned-chef. Each plate is a work of art. [brings Niles his sherry] Niles: He's doing his all-truffle menu. [Frasier gasps] For the appetizer, he sculpts tiny mushroom trees, then he carves radishes to look like truffle pigs, snuffling around the roots. Martin: Oh. Maybe I should do that for Eddie. I could mold his Alpo into a cow. Niles: [laughs, then] That reminds me... Frasier: I got him Sonics tickets. Martin: Bless you. Oh! And did I mention, they're predicting meteor showers for that evening! So not only will I have a great meal, in a perfect setting... Frasier: Oh, Niles. Niles: But we'll have nature itself putting on a show for us. [points out to the balcony] Oh, we'll have an excellent view from right... He gasps suddenly, and moves closer to the balcony. There is a large piece of tape across one of the windows. Niles: Dear God, what's that? Frasier: Well, it's just a small crack, a little bird flew into it the other day. I'm replacing the pane next week. Niles: Next week? Frasier: Yes. Niles: Well, that's too late. Frasier: It's just a piece of tape! No one will even notice. Niles: You have no idea how cutthroat my rivals are. They will leap on the tiniest imperfection. Last night, Sebastian Melmoth threw a lavish Japanese banquet. A certain rival spent the entire evening carping about how the obis on the geishas' kimonos were improperly tied. Frasier: "A certain rival?" Niles: All right, me. Martin: He had geishas? Frasier: That's enough, Dad. Niles: Well, I'll just have to have the party somewhere else. Frasier: But Niles, you promised you'd have it here. You promised me Claudia Kynock. Martin: Nobody's gonna notice that window, and besides, who else is gonna loan you their place? It's not like you can ask Maris. At that, Niles has a brilliant idea. Niles: I don't have to ask her. She's out of the country. She's in Antwerp having her elbows done. She has that stunning beach house. I'm sure I can get past the alarm. Martin: Isn't that breaking and entering? Niles: Oh, pish. It can't be a crime if it's catered. Frasier: Well, Niles, I hope you have a lovely time. Niles: Oh, don't sulk Frasier. You can still come. I've got to start planning. Wait 'til you see this place. It's right on the beach, it's ideal for viewing the meteor shower. Niles heads for the door. Martin: Maybe Chef Marcel can make your truffles look like little meteors zooming around the plates. [laughs] Niles: We make fun of him, but every now and then he has a fantastic idea. They leave. Fade out. NOT WHAT GOOD HOUSEKEEPING HAD IN MIND Scene 3 - The Beach House Fade in. Niles and Frasier are on the front porch opening the door. They each have garment bags, Niles has some flowers and Frasier has a grocery bag. Frasier: I hope you're right about the alarm code, Niles. People do change them. Niles: Maris will never change this one. Niles opens the door, a beeping can be heard. Cut to - the interior of the beach house as they enter. Niles: It's her ideal weight. What she weighed at her debutante ball. [He punches into a small key pad.] Let's see, this many pounds, and that many ounces. Frasier: Good lord, no one could weigh that and live! The beeping stops. A voice, Gretchen, is heard calling. Gretchen: [off stage; German accent] Maris! Niles: Oh no, not her. Frasier: Neighbor? Niles: Yes, Gretchen Kuntz. The old girl's been smitten with Maris ever since she taught falconry at Maris's finishing school. [He hands Frasier the flowers.] Here, put these in water and I'll get rid of her. Gretchen: [o.s.] Maris, liebchen. Is that you? Frasier heads to the kitchen, Niles opens the door to her. Gretchen: Oh, Dr. Crane. Niles: Hello, Gretchen. Gretchen: I'm surprised to see you here. When last I spoke to Maris, she said your marriage had come to a timely end. Niles: Yes, well, it's all patched up now, we couldn't be happier. [running water is heard from the kitchen] In fact, that's Maris in the kitchen now. We're terribly busy. [calls] I'll be right with you, muffin! But I'll tell her you looked in. Gretchen: Do. Ask her to stop by. My wolfhound had puppies. Niles closes the door on her. Frasier comes out with the flowers in a vase. Niles: Let's get some lights on. He claps his hands and a rather garish lamp shaped like an anchor comes on. Frasier: Good lord, what the hell is that? Niles: Maris had it made after she lost power in a storm. Battery operated, works on a clapper [claps it off] so you can find it in the dark. [claps it on] Only problem was, the poor thing, try as she might, she could never clap hard enough to activate it. Frasier opens the curtains revealing the French doors to the back deck. Frasier: Oh, Niles, this view is breathtaking! You know, with a setting like this and Chef Marcel in the kitchen, I think that Golden Apron is as good as yours. Niles: Well... They open the doors and step out. Cut to - the rear deck. The two take a deep breath of the sea air... and begin choking and gagging. Niles: What is that revolting smell?! Frasier: It smells like it's coming from the beach. Niles: Oh, it's like garbage or rotting fish... Frasier: Or a dead seal. Niles: No, it's more like a rendering plant. Frasier: No, Niles. There's an extremely large dead seal right by this dinghy. Niles: Oh, dear God! He rushes back inside. Frasier follows slowly. Frasier: You know, on the bright side, there's not a single crack in these windows. He closes the doors behind him. Fade out. End of Act 1 Act 2 Scene 1 - The Beach House Fade in. Frasier and Niles are standing on the back deck. Frasier has a handkerchief over his nose and mouth, Niles is on his cell phone. Niles: Yes, Animal Control? A large seal washed up on my property, I need you to come remove it right away. Its condition? It's deceased. What? Oh, you're not serious. [to Frasier] He says they only handle live seals. [into phone] What kind of policy is that? If it were alive, I wouldn't need you, I could just scare it away myself. Frasier: I'd pay to see that. Niles: Oh, wait, I was mistaken. It's not dead after all, it's sitting up. It looks very disoriented. Come quickly! Frasier: [grabbing the phone] Give me that. Hello, this is Frasier Crane. You may remember me from my radio show. Niles: Oh, yes, that should send the Seal Mobile racing over here. Frasier: Just how do you suggest we dispose of a dead seal? I see. I see. Charming. [He closes the phone.] Well, we have two options. We can either bury it or haul it out to sea, in which case they suggest we stab some holes in it. Niles: Stab holes in it? Frasier: To make it less buoyant. Niles: It would certainly make me less buoyant. Well, we'll have to bury it. Help me find a shovel. Frasier: Right. Cut to - the interior. As they come in, the doorbell rings. Niles: Oh, no. That's Chef Marcel. If he finds out what's out there, he will walk. Frasier: Over a dead seal? Niles: He won't let anything upstage his food. He stormed out of Kate York's christening party over an ill-timed diaper change. You let him in, I'll find a shovel. Frasier: Right. Niles heads upstairs, Frasier opens the door. Frasier: Ah, Chef Marcel, this is indeed an honor. I'm Frasier, Niles's brother... Marcel: Where is my kitchen? Frasier: It's, uh, right through there. Marcel comes in, followed by his staff. He stops in the living room. Marcel: What is that smell? Frasier: Uh, what smell? Marcel: Is there a baby here? Frasier: No. I mean, yes. Well, there was a baby, but it's gone now, and we can air the place out. Marcel: Do. He exits to the kitchen. Niles comes down the stairs with two children's beach pail and shovel sets. He hands one to Frasier. Niles: Al right, let's do this. Quick, quick, quick. Frasier: What's the matter, Niles, you couldn't find any demitasse spoons? Niles: I'm sorry. This is all we have. Frasier: Niles, for God's sake, it'll take us until doomsday with these things. Let's just stick it in the dinghy and haul it out to sea, come on. Niles: I'm not touching that thing with my bare hands! Frasier: All right, just go find a sheet or something to wrap it in. Niles head back upstairs. Cut to - the deck as Frasier comes out and looks at the seal. Frasier: Poor noble creature. At least in death, you've achieved a kind of tragic dignity. Niles comes out with a frilly nightgown. Niles: We can wrap it in this. Quick, quick, quick. Frasier: A peach peignoir? Niles: Yes, and I found perfume. Frasier: We're giving it a burial, Niles, not a day of beauty. Niles: It's to cover the smell, and the peignoir was all I could find. The beds were all stripped, the linen cupboard's locked. Frasier: All right, get on with it. Niles sprays the seal with the perfume. Niles: Do you think that helped? Frasier: Oh, yes, Niles. It smells so lovely now it's almost a shame to bury it. Give me a hand with this. All right, OK, now let's turn it over. The wrap the seal up while making noises of disgust. Niles: Oh, have you ever seen anything so heartbreaking? That sullied nightgown, that cold vacant stare, those limp little whiskers... Frasier: Stick a corncob pipe in its mouth, it could be Nana on Dad's side. Come on, let's go! The grab the seal. Fade out. Scene 2 - The Beach House Fade in. Niles and Frasier are dragging the boat up onto the beach. They are soaking wet. Niles: Nice oarsmanship, Mr. Oxford Rowing Champ! Frasier: Well, it's not very easy to keep your balance when your crewmate jumps on your back and shrieks like a tea kettle. Niles: Oh, I'm sorry. The thing's tongue lolled out and licked my ankle. I just hope the wind changes before the party, they'll be here in fifteen minutes. [sniffing] The stench is so strong. I could almost swear the damn thing was still... AH! It's back! Frasier: Oh, my God, the tide must have washed it back in. I knew we should have taken their advice and stabbed some holes in it. Niles: No. I refuse to even contemplate something so disgusting. We'll just row it back out, only this time we'll weigh it down with something. Frasier: Oh, Niles, what about that hideous anchor lamp? Niles: Perfect. We'll tie it to the peignoir's sash, it'll sink like a brick. [checks his watch] Would you mind terribly doing that alone? Frasier: Alone?! Cut to - the interior as they come inside. Niles: Yes, I have to get ready. Frasier, please, I beg you. Frasier: All right, Niles. But the entire time I'm gone, you'd better be singing my praises to Claudia Kynock. Niles: Done. Chef Marcel comes from the kitchen. Marcel: Excuse me, where do you keep the... Niles: Chef Marcel, it's so nice to meet you at last! Marcel: You have been swimming? Frasier: Just a dip. Marcel: In your clotheses? Frasier: Well, it is November. You know, it was so refreshing, I think I'll go back for another. Niles: Don't forget your lamp. He takes the anchor lamp to Frasier. Frasier: Oh, yes, thank you. Frasier goes outside with the lamp. Niles: [off Marcel's look] It's getting dark in that water. He heads upstairs. Fade out. THERE FETE IS SEALED [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 - The Beach House Fade in. Niles, in his tuxedo is circulating around the living room which is filled with people. Niles: Sebastian, you must try one of these truffled scallops. Sebastian: I'm allergic to bivalves, a good host would know that. Claudia: Don't mind Sebastian, he's just afraid you'll outshine his geisha party. Niles: Now, now, no rivalries, we're all friends tonight. And I'm sorry about the scallops. In the future, I'll try to cater more to your shellfish demands. [moves off] Sebastian: [after a pause, then irritated] I got that! Niles grins at him, then notices Frasier coming down the stairs. Niles: Oh, thank God you're back. I can open the deck? People are beginning to get suspicious. Frasier: I hauled it out as far as I could. I just hope that lamp is heavy enough. Is Claudia here? Niles: Yes, and she's dying to talk to you. Frasier: Good. Smell my fingers. Niles: [sniffing] Ooh, lovely. Tubla root? Frasier: Jasmine. Niles: Really? Everyone? As you may know, I've arranged a small meteor shower for our entertainment this evening. [laughter] So feel free to claim your spots now on the observation deck. He waves them out to the deck, but stops Claudia on her way. Niles: Claudia. This is my brother Dr. Frasier Crane. Claudia: Oh, well. Just the man I wanted to meet. Frasier: Really? Niles: Well, now I should warn you, Claudia's in radio, so you're probably in for more of that arm-twisting you've been getting from so many of those other station owners. Frasier: Oh, my brother, the publicist. Before long, he'll be telling you about my two SeaBeas and my Broadcaster of the Year award. Cut to - the deck as the come out. Claudia: Well, now we don't have to talk all business. But I do want to mention that we may be replacing one of our nationally syndicated hosts, The Happy Traveler. Frasier: Oh, yes. The Happy Traveler. How's that coming? Claudia: Not well. Unless they get more realistic with those ransom demands, he's never coming out of that jungle. Sebastian: There certainly are a lot of gnats buzzing around out here. Claudia: Yes, there are. Frasier: Here, allow me. He smacks his hand together over a bug. The noise activates the anchor lamp which is now on the beach with the seal. Niles: Oh, dear God! He claps his hands quickly to shut off the light. Sebastian: There were no bugs at my party. Sebastian smacks a gnat on his face, activating the lamp, Niles claps it off. Claudia: What's that on the beach? Sebastian: I don't know, but it's wearing a boa. Frasier: No, no. That's preposterous. It's just a rock with some seaweed on it. Another guest smacks at an insect, the lamp goes on, Niles claps it off. Claudia: Niles, there seems to be something with feathers flashing at us. Niles: Yes, yes, that's my neighbor. Don't clap, it just encourages her. Claudia: Does anyone else smell something? Niles: I know what I smell! [He takes a deep breath and chokes.] Truffles! Frasier: Everyone, time for dinner. Niles: Yes, step lively. Mm-mmm. Truffles. They herd everyone back inside and close the doors. Niles: All right, get out there and stab that thing. Frasier: No. I'm sick to death of chaperoning that carcass. Niles: Well I can't do it, I'm the host. Frasier: Niles, because of that woman in there and a scrappy band of Third World rebels, I am this close to getting a national radio show of my own. You have to do it. Niles: All right. Get me a knife, close those curtains and don't let anyone out on this deck until I come back. Frasier: Fine. Niles: Where's the damn thing gone to? Frasier claps his hands and the lamp comes on. Niles: Got it, thanks. He claps his hands and the light goes out. Fade out. Scene 4 - The Beach House Fade in. Frasier is on the sofa with Claudia. Claudia: I've listened to your show. And what impressed me most is your ability to focus. Frasier: Yes, well I'm very proud of that. I try to give each of my callers my complete, undivided... [He notices Sebastian headed for the deck.] Excuse me. Would you please just stay inside? We're about to start dinner. Sebastian: You said that ten minutes ago. Frasier: Yes, so it's even truer now, isn't it? Just sit down. [Frasier sits back down with Claudia.] I'm sorry. Back to my show. Claudia: I must say, I was wondering myself when we'd be eating. It's getting late. Frasier: Well, Niles is in the kitchen, right now, trying to prod Marcel along. You know how it is with these perfectionists. Marcel comes out of the kitchen. Marcel: I am waiting to serve. Where is Niles? Claudia: You mean he's not with you? Frasier: Well, I'm sure he's around here somewhere. You know, perhaps he's upstairs making a phone call. If you could just keep everything warm, I'm sure he'll be down in a minute. Marcel: He'd better be. I reheat for no one. Frasier: Well, I'm terribly sorry about all these interruptions. Now, let's get back to that job. Claudia: Well, you'd be in ninety-three markets... Frasier goes to a woman headed for the deck. Frasier: Excuse me, can I help you? Guest: I just saw a meteor. Claudia: Oh, have they started? Frasier: Please, everyone, stand back and witness the spectacular view through this transom. Claudia: Can't we see them better outside? Frasier: No, no, it's much safer in here. You see, you never know where they might land. The doorbell rings. Frasier: Perhaps that's Niles. Frasier opens the front door, two policemen are standing there. McLean: Hello, is Niles Crane here? We're investigating a possible homicide. Claudia: What? McLean: Your neighbor saw Dr. Crane and another man row out to sea with a third party dressed in a nightie. The men returned alone. We suspect they dumped the body overboard. Frasier: Oh... all right, now, now, there's nothing to be alarmed about. Please gentlemen, come in, you see, I can clear this whole thing up. You see, I was the other man in the rowboat. Claudia: You dumped a body overboard? Frasier: Well... Gretchen rushes in. Gretchen: Thank God you're here! I just saw a murder! Claudia: What? Gretchen: Dr. Crane was on the beach with his wife, Maris. I recognized her peignoir. I could even smell her perfume. He was stabbing her again and again. Frasier: Ah, no, clearly this woman is delusional. Listen, search the entire house, I defy you to find one scrap of evidence that there's been foul play here. Marcel: [from the kitchen doorway] My butcher knife has disappeared from the kitchen. McLean: [to his partner] Go check the beach. The other officer goes to the deck. Frasier: Please, people, I assure you there is nothing sinister going on here. The officer opens the drapes, revealing Niles standing on the deck, wearing gloves and wiping blood off the butcher knife with his handkerchief. Noticing the officer, he throws them both over his shoulder. He comes in and the officer rushes to the beach. Niles: Hello, all. Meteor shower's started. Oh, excuse me. He takes off his gloves and hands them to Sebastian. Frasier: Niles, there's been a little misunderstanding. Perhaps it's time you explained to everyone about the dead seal. Niles: [laughing] Dead seal? At my Golden Apron dinner? That's enough bubbly for you! Frasier: Niles, they think you murdered Maris! Gretchen: I saw him stabbing her! Niles: Oh, I see what's happened! Oh, this is funny! Oh, you are all going to laugh when you hear this. I was simply stabbing a seal. Claudia: You killed a seal? Niles: Oh, no, no, I didn't kill it, it was already dead when we found it. McLean: You found a dead seal? Frasier: Yes. McLean: And it was wearing a peignoir? Frasier: Now that is ludicrous. We put the pegnoir on it. McLean: And the perfume too? Frasier: Yes, of course. McLean: So you found a dead seal, dressed it in a peignoir, doused it in perfume, and stabbed it? Niles: I told you you'd laugh. The other policeman comes in with the torn, bloody peignoir. Athanis: I found this washed up on the beach. Niles: Well there, if that doesn't prove my innocence, I don't know what does. Gretchen: Gott im himmel! It's covered in her blood! She collapses onto a chair. Marcel comes out. Marcel: Dinner is served. The guests head for the door, McLean stops them. McLean: Sorry folks, no one can leave. This is a crime scene. Niles: Well, it certainly would be a crime if we missed that dinner! Everyone, sit down! There's place cards all around the table. Athanis: OK, gentlemen, let's go. Niles: Well, he said no one can leave. He cuffs Niles, McLean cuffs Frasier. Frasier: Claudia, perhaps we can discuss that job tomorrow. You know, I've got some business cards in my breast pocket if you'd like to fish one out. No? Fine, I'll just call you then. Niles: Officer? You can't arrest me. My wife is alive! She's in Antwerp, getting her elbows done! Frasier: Oh, give it up, Niles, even I didn't believe that one. The police escort them out the door. Fade out. [SCENE_BREAK] The beach house is empty, the French doors at the deck swinging in the wind. With each slam of the door, the light, once again on the beach, goes on and off.

Plan: A: Niles; Q: Who is too ashamed to allow the club into his apartment? A: Niles' gourmet club; Q: What is the name of Niles' club? A: annual; Q: What is the frequency of the Golden Apron Award? A: the final phase; Q: What phase of the contest requires each contender to host a dinner party at their home? A: the Shangri-La; Q: Where does Niles live? A: a perfect setting; Q: What does Niles think Maris' beach house would be? A: Frasier; Q: Who does Niles call to help him dispose of the dead seal? A: the creature; Q: What do Niles and Frasier have to dispose of? Summary: Niles' gourmet club will soon be awarding the annual Golden Apron Award, and the final phase of the contest requires each contender to host a dinner party at their home. Niles is too ashamed to allow the club into his apartment at the Shangri-La, but remembers that Maris has a beach house that would present a perfect setting, and she is out of the country. On first inspection of the house, everything seems fine, until they discover a dead seal lying on the beach outside. Desperate that this evening should go well, Niles and Frasier must then hurry to dispose of the creature before the party starts.

Andy: [on computer screen] Ah, what else? I've seen Dirty Dancing like, ten times. Breaks my heart every time, you know? Everyone: Whoa! Pam: Andy. Andy: That Swayze sure can dance dirty. Phyllis: Don't you have any sunblock? Andy: No, Walter J has been hoarding it. You want to worry about a part of my body, worry about my eyes. They're like two flaming meatballs in my skull. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Last week Andy set sail for the Bahamas to sell his family's boat, and he took his brother, but not me. I was kind of sad at first, but then I remembered that Bob Marley song -- No, woman. No cry. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [on computer] Check this out. Keeps my hair out of my stare, also helps me combat the glare bear. That's what I call the sun now. Darryl: Andy, it's Darryl. Take your drawers off your head. Andy: What else can I show you? Oh, damn it! Erin: Oh, Andy, was.. was that your drinking water? Andy: Yeah, it was. That's okay though. I got this cool desalinator device. It sucks up sea water through this hose and pumps out fresh water. See, check it out. Ow! Everyone: Oh! Andy: Ah! That's not good. I better sign off. I hate to get going. I mean these skype sessions are, like, the only thing that keep me sane out here, you know? [laughs crazily] [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: He's been sailing for two days. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [on computer] I will leave you with this. The image of a man and his boat. Burn this into your brains. Erin: [laughing] Yeah. Andy: No. No! Nooo! [computer falls into ocean] Erin: Andy? Andy! Andy! Andy. Oh. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [answering phone] Dwight Schrute. [turns on speakerphone] Well, hi there David Wallace. Why would you ever call me when the manager is out of town? David: [on speakerphone] Well, I have some very exciting news. Dwight: And you didn't call Jim - that seems significant. Jim: Hi, David. David: Jim, good! You should hear this too. Dwight: No, he shouldn't. Jim: [taking away Dwight's handset] Go ahead David, I'm listening. Dwight: Okay, David, I want to take you off speaker but... I don't know where I'd put you. David: Guys, listen, this is big news. The Scranton White Pages just got in contact with my office the day before yesterday. They've apparently just dropped the supplier they've been with for the last ten years. . Dwight: The White Pages. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: The White Pages: Do you want it? No. Do you use it? No. Does it inexplicably show up on your doorstep three times a year? Yes, yes, and yes. There's a reason that we in the paper industry call this thing "the White Whale". Look at all that sweet blubber. [SCENE_BREAK] David: Look, we need our top salesman running point on this and Dwight, that is you. Dwight: I'm gonna need to put you on hold for a second. [presses hold button] Hah! Yah! Woooo! Eat it Jim! Eat it Phyllis! Eat... where's Stanley? Erin: He's in the bathroom. Dwight: Will you run into the bathroom and tell him to eat it? Erin: Of course. Dwight: Yeah! Okay. [presses button again] Hey David, I'm back. Erin: [from the kitchen] Eat it Stanley! Dwight: So uh, last I remember Tom Peterman was in charge of that account? David: No, I spoke with the receptionist over there. It's someone new but she didn't catch her name. Dwight: Her name? Phyllis: No, hey, Dwight shouldn't... Dwight: Shhh! [clears throat] Thanks David! Thank you so much for calling me! David: Good luck! Dwight: Good luck to you. [disconnects call] Phyllis: Dwight, you can't go. You have a problem with women. You can't sell to them. Dwight: That is a damnable lie. I love women. Phyllis: Gina Rogers at Apex Technology said you called her 'gy-na' for your entire meeting. Nellie: Ew. That's not good. Phyllis: Yeah, she said she corrected him five times. Dwight: 'Gy-na' said that? Phyllis: Guys, we can't let Dwight blow this. An account this size could double our growth. That means raises, bonuses... Pizza Friday could come back. Meredith: Hey remember that week in the 90's when we got bagels? Creed: I miss Clinton. Pam: Can you go instead? Jim: I can't. I have the thing. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I have this conference call today with this company in Philly that I'm helping start. Ah, first board meeting. Also, the first time I've ever been excited about work. So, that feels... wrong. [SCENE_BREAK] Pete: Okay, call down. It's just me, not Tom Selleck. Guys in breakroom: [laughter] Kevin: Nice! [SCENE_BREAK] Pete: Toby got us all to participate in Movember. It's a charity for prostate cancer. You pledge money and then you grow a mustache for the month of November. Clark: So, this is how we look now. I hope you like being turned on all the time. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Daaaaamn! It just keeps on coming, huh? Toby: I have very fertile hair glands. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: I am so glad I got all of the dudes to do Movember. We have the dopest time back in the annex. [SCENE_BREAK] Clark: God! [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: We even go to lunch, pick up babes. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: [to passing female pedestrian] Smile if you love men's prostates. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Hi. Oscar: Hi. Angela: Spring cleaning? Oscar: More like fall cleaning. [chuckles] Angela: [whispering] I think the senator is having an affair. Oscar: [dropping desk drawer] This doesn't... I'm sorry. Wha... what? Angela: I think the senator is having an affair. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: I literally have nightmares in which what just happened happens. I wake up in a sweat. And then I make Angela's husband spoon me back to bed. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: When he comes home in the morning, he has this secret little smile. Oscar: Oh, I'm sure ...that's nothing. Angela: And he's always at the yoga studio. He never misses the noon class - it's Hot Yoga with Blake. Oscar: Angela, Blake's also a guy's name so he... may be spending his afternoons with a guy named Blake. So nothing to worry about. Huh. Blake. Who is Blake? Angela: I don't know. Oscar: I just never heard about the senator and yoga... Angela: Right. Oscar: From you. I'm sure it's probably nothing. But what's with the yoga already? Angela: Right? Oscar: And Blake! All right Angela, calm down! We need to go check this out. Angela: What? Oscar: Angela, I'll go with you. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: So, uh, show us how you'd normally sell to a female client. Dwight: Okay. With pleasure. Get ready to learn a few new tricks, old dog. Pam: You've got this Schrute. Phyllis: Okay, you just walked into her office and begin. Dwight: Hello. Erin: Hello. Dwight: May I please speak to your boss? Phyllis: No, she is the boss. Erin: I am? Hmm.. [deep voice] Hi, I'm Mr. Hannon. How can I help you? Dwight: Okay, this isn't working for me, 'cause no one would ever believe that she would be a boss. Erin: He's absolutely right. I'm really struggling. Pam: Oh, I'll be the buyer. Dwight: [sighing] Pam: Hello, Mr. Schrute, nice to see you. Please have a seat. Dwight: I never sit down during sales meetings. I want to appear aggressive and imposing. I am going to sell to you in twelve minutes Phyllis: No actually, she likes to take her time discussing her needs. Dwight: I will tell her what her needs are and then fill them. So this is going to work out best for you if you just relax and do nothing. And once I'm finished, it's over. Pam: Okay, let's stop here. Anyone have any thoughts? Dwight: I thought it went great. Nellie: I have uh, written down a few questions. One, have you ever killed a woman? Two, how many women have you killed? Please, sir, will you not kill me? [SCENE_BREAK] Business partner: [on phone] Okay lets get started. Jim: Yeah, I'm here. Are we all on? Business partner: Uh,, well you're the only one 'on' - we're all here. Jim: [nervous laughter] Right. Okay, uh, over the next three months... Kevin: That's the winter season., three months. Jim: I uh, I have some ideas, actually... Business partner: Are you at your office right now? Jim: [hushed voice] Uh yeah. Trust me, I'd rather be with you guys. Business partner: [laughing] Uh, yeah, that sounded kinda spooky-sexy, over here Halpert. Jim: Oh, [clearing throat, deeper voice] Sorry, I uh... was just saying that we should uh... Business partner: Whoa. [laughing] I think there's been a bit of a mistake. We're trying to reach Jim Halpert, not Batman. Jim: [laughing] Um, you know what? I.. should have just had... I should have just had you call me on my cell. Business partner: Uh, yeah... Jim: I'm gonna try a different spot. Okay? Business partner: Okay, yeah. Jim: Okay, I'll call you right back. Kevin: What's happening in three months? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Okay, when you're selling to women, it is crucial that you listen, Dwight. Also you want to respect their... Are you listening now? Dwight: Yes. Pam: Okay, well you have to show us. Dwight: That's impossible. Listening happens in the ear and in the brain. I mean, some organisms have external hairs that vibrate to indicate auditory stimulation but unfortunately, our external hairs don't vibrate at all. Pam: Huh. [nodding] Uh huh. Dwight: What are you doing? Pam: A little smile and a nod shows that I hear you. Got it? Dwight: Kind of. Pam: Nellie, why don't you tell Dwight what we were doing earlier today. And Dwight, you show us that you're listening. Nellie: Well, we were in the warehouse, where we were discussing a mural that I've commissioned Pam to paint there. We were talking color schemes and the major themes we want to hit. Children of the world, coming together, cutting down trees to make paper. But not in a child labor-y way. Erin: It's just up and down, just a regular nod, like a person. Dwight: I am a person. Erin: Yes. Nellie: And then we thought we'd ... I can't. I just can't carry on with that face. Look at it. I'm gonna get nightmares with that face. I mean he looks like he's laboring over a stool having just eaten human flesh. Dwight: That's a bit extreme. Nellie: No, I'm sorry but that is true. Meredith: He's screwed. They're meeting in less than an hour. Phyllis: Oh, all right. God, Dwight, just ignore every instinct you have. It's all garbage okay? You're the woman, I'm the salesman, watch what I do and try to learn. Dwight: Okay, I'm a woman. [high voice] I'm a woman. Good? Phyllis: Ms. Thomas, so good to see you. Dwight: Hello. Phyllis: Oh, are those your kids? They're so cute! They could be models. Dwight: Thank you. I'm so proud of them. I carried each one of them for nine months inside of my torso and then pushed them out of my v*g1n*. Meredith: Booo! Weird. Nellie: No. Phyllis: Okay, yeah. This is a lost cause. It's hopeless. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Ten years ago, I didn't care if Dwight got married or died a beet-farming bachelor. But having kids makes you so soft. I used to watch Pulp Fiction and laugh, and now I'm like, that poor gimp is somebody's child. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: You know, I think there could be a lot of benefits if you could learn to get along with women. Dwight: Look, I have no problem with women. It's businesswomen and their, their power suits and their shoulder pads. Don't lie about your shoulders! Pam: Dwight, listen to me. Businesswomen are just normal, nice, reasonable people. Who is a nice, reasonable person in your experience? Dwight: I had a barber once who used to comb my hair gently. Pam: Okay, so, when you're selling to this woman, just imagine that she's that nice, reasonable barber. Dwight: Okay, I can do that. Pam: Mm-hmm. Good. Baby steps. Dwight: He used to fight dogs. Pam: Like, he used to make dogs fight? Or he actually fought dogs? Dwight: Little of this, little of that. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Which one is the instructor? There all fatties. Oscar: Angela! [whispering] Angela. There. Angela: Where? Oscar: [whispering] On the stairs. Stay calm. Stay down. Oh, so wait. Blake is a her. Angela: Oh my God! She's so stunningly tiny! She's like a petite double zero, for sure. For sure! Holy cow! Look at what they're doing. Oscar: She's repositioning his hips for downward facing dog. Angela: [gasps] I've heard of this - dog style. Oh wait. Oh look Oscar, Thumbelina has a boyfriend! And he has a ponytail - ew. I'd like to see that run for office. Oscar, you were right. I had nothing to be worried about. Thank you. Let's go. Oscar: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... Angela: Ow. Oscar: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Shut up, hold on. Shh. Hold on. Sorry. Look. [SCENE_BREAK] Pete: [sound effect of throwing ball] Toby: This is fun. You know? I mean, this is fun. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: What I was saying is the genius of Air Jordan was not in the market saturation, it was in -- Business partner: [on phone] It was in what? Jim, we're having a lot of trouble hearing you. Jim: The... the... the... what I was saying is the real genius was...[car alarm blaring] was in the... Hank: Hey! Are those skateboarders back? Business partner: [on phone] Jim? Jim, are you there? Hank: Where are they? Jim: It was, uh in the authentic design, right? So I mean, you really felt like Michael Jordan was wearing these shoes, so ... Meredith: Who was messing with my van? Jim: Nobody! Business partner: [on phone] Jordan wore them for nobody? We're not following you, Halpert. Jim: No, no, no. Hank: This ends now! [SCENE_BREAK] Secretary: Have a seat. Um, she will be right in. Pam: Oh, great. Oh, I'm sorry. Do you mind telling me her name? I realized we don't have it. Secretary: Uh... um she'll be right in. Pam: Okay, great. Dwight: [to himself] Just a little off the top and then a nice combing. Yeah, just comb it. Pam: Oh my God. It's Jan. Dwight: Oh, dear God in heaven. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Jan used to be one of my superiors, and she is one of the most erratic and terrifying people I have ever met. [SCENE_BREAK] [scene from Dinner Party, Season 4 and The Job Season 3] Jan: You son of a bitch. You're firing me? Where the hell do you get off? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Jim and I are pretty sure she had an affair with her ex-assistant Hunter. He was 17. But she looks great. If she asks, will you tell her I said that? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Forget everything we taught you. Hey, Jan! It's so great to see you. Jan: Where's Wallace? Pam: What? Jan: I was under the impression that David Wallace would be coming. He bought back Dunder Mifflin, correct? Dwight: Hey. Your daughter could be a bubble bath model. I could just bite her head off. [laughs] Pam: Sorry. Um, David is in Vermont. Did you speak with him? He sent Dwight instead. Jan: Molly! David Wallace is in Vermont. Molly: Oh, my God. Um, I talked to his assistant. And I guess it did get a little confusing 'cause you said not to tell anyone your name. And then also, those bluetooths are very hard to hear with. I know you love the way they look, but Tom never had us use them... Jan: Molly. I am not Tom. I am Jan. Molly: I'm so sorry Jan. Jan: I thought it would be fun to have a little chat with uh, David Wallace after all these years. Oh, well. What are you doing? Dwight: Listening. Jan: Stop. Dwight: Sorry. Jan: Stop that. Dwight: Okay. Pam: So this was all just a trick. You don't really have any business to give? Jan: No, I do. Pam: But not to us. Jan: Insightful, Pam. Pam: You did good, Dwight. It's okay. I mean, seriously, Jan's not normal. Let's just go. She's not going to sell to us. Dwight: Yes, she is. Now, I may not have any instincts with women, but I have an instinct for sales. You keep her occupied. I'll be right back. Pam: What? Jan: Pam? Pam: Yeah. Jan: I'm a very busy woman, so... Pam: Yeah. Um, do you have any other pictures of Astrid? Jan: Fine. I will show you one... slide show. [SCENE_BREAK] Pete: Erin, did this call... Erin: Uh! Pete: What? Erin: Sorry, I uh, just saw your face. Pete: Oh, I'm sorry. It's for the thing. Erin: I know. That's great. It just - it makes it look like there's an eyebrow in the middle of your face. Pete: Wow. Erin: A handsome eyebrow, but, um... it makes your mouth look like an eye socket... which isn't bad. Pete: Uh-huh. Erin: But um, you look like a cyclops whose eye... fell out... Which is great. It's such a great cause. Pete: Yeah. Erin: [chuckles] [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: [audio from slide show, singing] Mommy, you're a princess. Mommy, you're a superstar. Mommy you're the greatest. How can I ever fill your sho-o-o-es? Pam: Wow. Your voice is as lovely as ever. Jan: Aw. Pam: And it is so cute how she signs her name. Jan: [chuckles] Well, that -- that was -- that was me too. Pam: Oh, okay. It's just that's how Cece does it with the backwards 'E's. Jan: Cece can't spell her name. Pam: Oh, actually she can. Jan: Well, it's not really much of a comparison, is it? I mean, "Cece" is two letters and "Astrid" is... I mean, there's even some adults who -- who -- who can't spell it. Pam: Of course. Jan: Can you spell it? Try to spell it, Pam. Pam: Um... "A"... "X"? I don't -- you got me. Jan: Don't patronize me. Pam: [whispering] I'm so sorry. I hate this. You're better. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: [whispering] Okay, we should go now. Let's go. Oscar: [stammering wildly] Just wait. Just a minute. Just watch. [scoffs] Angela: Wait. Why are you... Oh. are you getting your jollies right now? Can't get enough of the show? Your jollies are all on fire -- Oscar: [whispering] Please. It's Robert who's enjoying it. Angela: What? Oscar: This could be the affair that you're scared of. Politicians are wonderful liars. You never know who they really are. [pause] But uh, he's probably not gay. He's straight. He's straight, so... [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Mm. Excuse me. Could I get some more water? Jan: No. Dwight: Jan... You thought I had no more cards left to play. Well I've got one. Man-boy! The Ace of Babes. Pam: Oh, my God. Clark: Where's the Quizno's? Dwight: You're the Quizno's. [chuckles] Jan, may I introduce to you your own personal Dunder Mifflin liaison, devoted to servicing this account with total client satisfaction. I sensed that Molly wasn't quite meeting your needs -- nothing like, uh, your old assistant... Hunter. Was that his name? Jan: I -- I -- Dwight: Hmm? Jan: I don't recall. And yes, Molly is crap. Pam: Okay, you do not have to do this. Clark: Do what? Get into sales? That's what I want. Dwight: He's been growing that mustache for weeks. Best he can do... So young. Jan: Will you uh, [clicks tongue] you. Can you turn around for me, please? Dwight you can go. I will call you in a week or so and let you know whether I want your business. Dwight: Very good. Jan: [to Clark] Do you have a valid passport? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Jim Halpert. Colin: [on phone] Hey, it's Colin. Jim: Hey man. I am so sorry about that. Colin: I know. Don't worry about it. Jim: [laughs] Colin: It's just... it's not totally working. Jim: Yeah. No, I know. This whole telecommuting thing -- not ideal. But don't worry. I'll figure it out. Colin: Yeah, well, it's not just not ideal. I mean, with you there, I don't know how we're gonna do this. Jim: Uh, what does -- what does that mean? [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Oscar, what is happening here? Why would you say you think the senator might be gay? Oscar: I don't know, Angela. I'm dehydrated. Maybe... You heard me wrong. We should just go. Angela: Look, look, look. Here he comes. Here he comes. What is he doing? Oscar: He's making a phone call. Angela: [ducking under table with Oscar] Oh. Oh. Oscar: [phone vibrates, rings] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Oh, hey, Molly. You should just quit. Molly: Thanks. Okay. Dwight: Oh and uh, Molly... I know it can't be easy working for Jan. Good luck with your feelings. Pam: Dwight, that was really nice. You should ask for her number. Dwight: Oh, I got her number. 415-YCL. Pam: That's a license number? Dwight: That's all you need. And when I have curried favor with her, I will let you know. Pam: Oh. Why me? Dwight: Because you are my friend and you are a woman... And women love gossip. It's like air to you people. Ugh, God. [retching]

Plan: A: an unknown woman; Q: Who is Dwight tasked with selling paper to? A: ( Melora Hardin; Q: Who plays Jan Levinson? A: the Scranton White Pages; Q: What book does Dwight use to find Jan's number? A: Robert; Q: Who is Angela's husband? A: Jack Coleman; Q: Who plays Angela's husband? A: Oscar; Q: Who does Angela ask to help her spy on her husband? A: his yoga class; Q: Where does Angela think her husband is cheating on her? A: Andy; Q: Who skypes into the office from his boat? A: Toby; Q: Who convinces several of the men in the office to grow mustaches for "Movember"? Summary: Dwight is tasked with selling paper to an unknown woman-revealed to be Jan Levinson ( Melora Hardin )-from the Scranton White Pages and Pam and the women of the office teach him how to interact with women. Angela fears that her husband, Robert ( Jack Coleman ), is cheating on her and enlists Oscar to help her spy on him at his yoga class. Meanwhile, Andy skypes into the office from his boat and Toby ( Paul Lieberstein ) convinces several of the men in the office to grow mustaches for " Movember ".

"PARENTAL DISCRETION ADVISED" CAST James Van Der Beek: Dawson Leery Kaite Holmes: Joey Potter Joshua Jackson: Pacey Witter Michelle Williams: Jen Lindley Meredith Monroe: Andie McPhee Kerr Smith: Jack McPhee Mary Beth Peil: Evelyn "Grams" Ryan Gareth Williams: Mike Potter Mary-Margaret Humes: Gail Leery John Wesely Shipp: Mitch Leery John Finn: Chief Witter Written by Greg Berlanti Directed by Greg Prange (Cut to Dawson's room, onscreen a black-and-white film is playing. Dawson shuts it off.) Joey: Hey there, abrupt? Dawson: I've had enough unrequited love for one evening, okay? It's...it's too torturous. Joey: I wonder what sick part of me thrives on movies with these kinds of love stories. Dawson: The ones that end unhappily? Joey: No. The kinds that never really end. I mean, think about it. To continue loving somebody even though there's no chance of that love ever thriving...that's romance. Dawson: That is tragedy. Joey: Not all love stories have a built in happy ending, Dawson. Dawson: But why revel in the ones that don't? Joey: I'm sorry...sad stories are just more powerful...I prefer them. Dawson: Well, then do you think that.... (Dawson thinks. Joey looks at him.) Joey: Speak. Dawson: Do you think that that kind of a preference has an affect on your own love story? Joey: It absolutely does. Dawson: And that doesn't worry you? Joey: No. Because the effect is positive. It's movies like these that remind me of how unmovable and powerful love can be. Dawson: But they don't end happily. I mean, Daniel Day Lewis never gets Michelle Pfeiffer. Joey: It's not their fault! It's just the circumstances. Dawson: But what good is their love if it's not strong enough to overcome those circumstances? Joey: Because in spite of the circumstances...they never stop loving. Dawson: So tell me, Joey Potter... Joey: Hm? Dawson: (sincerely) Will you always love me? No matter what the circumstances? (Joey smiles and kisses him.) Joey: It doesn't matter. We get the happy ending. (Cue opening credits.) *Theme Song* (Cut to Dawson in the kitchen with his mother.) Dawson: I need some father/son advice. What do you do when you know something really bad about someone close to someone you really care about? Do you tell the someone you care about or do you just try and forget that you know the bad thing? Gail: How bad is bad? Dawson: Let's say beyond bad, bad. Gail: Well, then you have to choices. You can either tell the someone you care about what the someone they care about has done or you can go straight to the person who's done the bad thing and confront them directly in hopes that they'll do the right thing. Dawson: Wow. Dad's got nothin' on you. Gail: And, um, speaking about your dad...honey, I've decided to take the job in Philly. I'm going to fly down there tomorrow, officially accept, sign a contract and affirm all my plans to relocate. Dawson: Is this what you want? Gail: Well the someone that I really care about has done nothing to even remotely suggest that he cares about me. (Cut to Joey coming out of her house. Dawson's standing there.) Joey: Hey..I just need a minute...good morning. (She kisses Dawson.) Dawson: Morning. Joey: Hey, do you have your review for Geometry? I can't find mine. Dawson: I was counting on you. Joey: Two minutes. (She goes back into the house.) Mr.Potter: How's it going, Dawson? Dawson: Good. Mr.Potter: Ready for exams? Dawson: I hope so. How about you? Mr.Potter: Doing good. Doing real good. Dawson: And legal? (Mr.Potter just stops for a minute, in shock. Joey comes back out.) Joey: Okay, ready. I hate exams. Mr.Potter: You know what, you guys? Since the Icehouse is closed for the last stages of renovation you can use it as a study haven if you want to. There's plenty of old menu items to eat up, you can invite your friends. Joey: Sounds cool. Dawson? Dawson: Sounds good. Joey: (to her dad) Thank you. I'll see ya. (She kisses him on the cheek.) Mr.Potter: Bye. Dawson: See ya Mr.Potter. Mr.Potter: See ya, Dawson. (Mr.Potter stares off after them with a worried expression on his face. Cut to Jen and Jack walking towards school with coffee cups.) Jen: Well if this doesn't help me survive the morning, I don't know what will. Jack: You're going to need a lot more than coffee to stay awake from that all-nighter you pulled in the den last night. I haven't even seen study geek Andie put that much effort into a paper. Jen: Well, I had a lot to say. Jack: Yeah, what's the paper about? Jen: Teen suicide. Jack: You had a lot to say about teen suicide? Should I plan the intervention? Jen: Well, not just yet. I'm not on the window edge right now. Jack: Right now? This conversation just took a decidedly gruesome turn. Jen: Nah, it's just realistic. Jack: Realistic to who? Jen: To most teenagers. The materials that I read said that a high percentage have considered suicide at least once. Haven't you? Jack: Well, yeah, maybe once but dealing with everything hasn't really crossed my mind. It doesn't really scare me as much as it used to. What's your answer? Grams: Jennifer! (Jen turns to find Grams standing there with a bag.) Jen: Hi Grams. Grams: How are you? Jen: Late for class. Grams: Jennifer, wait! I've thought about how we ended things and I've given a great deal of consideration...in spite of our differences...I want you to come home. Jen: I have a home now. Grams: Jennifer, I know you want your independence but this situation isn't right. Jen: Jack is used to taking care of himself and I am determined to learn how. Together, we'll be fine. Grams: Jack has no alternative, you do. Jen: You've come here to welcome me home but you haven't even addressed why I left. And to be quite honest, I don't want to get into it right now with you. (Cut to Pacey pulling up in his dad's patrol car. His dad is driving. Something comes over the radio about Pier Avenue.) Pacey: That's the Icehouse. Are you guys staking it out? Mr.Witter: That's none of your concern. Pacey: Pops if this means you're going to start harassing Joey's dad... Mr.Witter: I'm not harassing anybody. I wear a badge. I do a job. Pacey: He's finally putting his family's life back together, the guy deserves a break. Mr.Witter: I'll be the judge of that. In the meantime, you've got a final to get to. Now don't screw it up. Pacey: Is there any possibility that your advice will ever take on a positive tone? Mr.Witter: I'm positive you better not screw up. Pacey: Gee, Dad, you know it's really great that we can have these talks every morning. (Pacey tries to get out but Mr.Witter grabs his arm.) Mr.Witter: Since your little girlfriend left your attitude has gone from bad to worse and I don't approve of it. A girl is not worth messing your life up over, you hear me? Pacey: May I go now, sir? (Pacey gets out and slams the car door shut and Mr.Witter drives off. Dawson walks up.) Dawson: Did he try and run you over with the car this morning? Pacey: May as well have, the b*st*rd. Dawson: Screw him. Have you heard from Andie yet? Pacey: No, no I haven't. She'll call. (Cut to a classroom where Mr.Milo is passing out a final.) Mr.Milo: Your favorite guidance counselor will be proctering the exam today. If you have any questions please raise your hand, and I will come to you. (Pacey flips open his book and scans the questions. He shuts it and sighs and lays his head on his desk, staring off into space. Mr.Milo looks at him, concerned. Cut to Dawson walking into the back room of the Icehouse where Mr.Potter is sweeping.) Mr.Potter: Dawson...I suppose you want to know what the hell I think I'm doing. Dawson: No. Not really. I came here to tell you whatever it is, I just don't believe it. I don't believe that a man who claims to love his children with all his heart and all his soul would traffic cocaine through the family business. Mr.Potter: Dawson... Dawson: I do believe that anyone engaged in such a blatant, criminal activity would put the well being of his own family ahead of his own selfishness and remove himself from the situation. Mr.Potter: And what if that man found himself stuck, could you believe that? Dawson: Well, if that were true, then a smart man would do absolutely everything in his power for the sake of the people who love him to unstick himself....and he'd do it fast. (Dawson storms out. Cut to Mitch and Gail sitting on the Leery porch.) Gail: So Dawson will stay here with you, I think it's a mistake to uproot him now with school and everything. Mitch: Great.. Gail: I was hoping you'd move back into the house and in the summer maybe he could come down to Philadelphia and intern at the station. Mitch: If he wants to. Gail: Yes, if he wants to. Mitchell, I know he's happy here. Mitch: But you're obviously not. Gail: I didn't necessarily say that. But I have a job opportunity I want to take, you know I've outgrown my job here. Mitch: So what you're saying is that your decision is based on what's best for you and not for our son. Gail: What I'm saying is my decision is what's best for me is what's ultimately best for our son and he, believe it or not, understands this. Which is more than I can hope for from you. Mitch: Is there anything else you'd like to tell me? Gail: Just that I'm leaving tomorrow. (Mitch's face drops. Cut to Pacey, Dawson, Joey, Jack, and Jen sitting at a table in the Icehouse.) Mr.Witter: Pacey, what are you doing here? Pacey: We're signing a peace treaty....studying, Pop, studying... Mr.Witter: Joey, is your father around? Mr.Potter: Hello, John. Restaurant's closed. Mr.Witter: Hello Mike, can I speak to you for a second? Mr.Potter: Sure. Come on back. (Mr.Witter walks back there and as soon as he's out of earshot, Joey leans towards Pacey.) Joey: What's going on? Pacey: Hey, don't look at me. My father's crusades are his own deal. (Cut back to the back room.) Mr.Witter: Hey Mike, how've you been? Mr.Potter: Good, you? Mr.Witter: Good. (pulls out a picture of Pete) Have you seen this guy around? Mr.Potter: Pete Lewis, he's an old friend. Mr.Witter: With an alleged history of narcotics, Mike. Mr.Potter: Well, I wouldn't know. We have a strictly social relationship. He stopped by for a visit to catch up... (Joey gets up and walks back in the room.) Joey: Find everything you need Mr. Witter? Mr.Witter: Yes, thank you. Joey: Need anymore help back here, Dad? (Mr.Potter looks at Mr. Witter.) Mr.Witter: No, we're done. This place is looking great, Mike. Mr.Potter: Thanks. Come back next week when it's done. I'll get ya a free dinner. Mr.Witter: Thanks. I'll do that. (He leaves.) Joey: What's going on? Mr.Potter: He's just giving me an official welcome. That's all, Jo. Joey: They're never going to leave us alone, are they? Mr.Potter: Not for awhile. Joey: Well, I guess we'll just have to ignore them. (Mr.Potter smiles and walks off. Dawson walks in.) Dawson: Are you okay? Joey: Why is Pacey's dad doing this? Dawson: Because it's his job. Joey: No, it's his job to serve and protect Capeside from criminals, not my dad. He doesn't belong in that category anymore. (Dawson's face kind of falls.) Dawson: I know you're mad... Joey: You should be mad, too! You're part of his family now. Dawson: Well, when you say it like that I'm furious. (Joey kisses him. Cut to Mr.Potter opening some canvas bags filled with cocaine. He takes them into his office. He shuts his blinds. Cut to Jen walking towards the coffee machine followed by Jack.) Jack: You know, it sounds like she wants to reconcile your differences. Jen: To the untrained ear, maybe, but to me it's just the same old grumple (?) speaking. I'm not the same old girl she wants around. Jack: She did ask you back. Jen: I don't want to go back. Jack: Well, no one's saying that you have to but she is right. Your situation isn't mine. (Jen glares at him.) Jack: What? You don't think I've been under the same kind of scrutiny? More of the rough hours, Jen. Jen: I thought that we had developed a closeness. Jack: We have. Jen: So then why do you want me to go? Jack: I never said I wanted you to go. Jen: Bringing up my grandmother, talking about me moving back, it's obvious where that leads. Jack: Is this what you did to her? You turned her words all around until you're convinced that she wanted you to go? Jen: You have no idea what you're talking about. Jack: I think I do! You talk like moving in with me is going to be some great salvation. Well, let me tell you something, it isn't. Because my dad's going to have to sell the house soon and we're both going to be homeless. Jen: Well, then, I will put myself out of my misery. Jack: Don't say that. Jen: Don't worry, Jack. Statistics are on my side, but I'll be gone by tonight. (She walks out of the room, Jack sighs. Cut to a pipe bomb thrown through an Icehouse window and a fire immediately starts and is spreading quickly. Cut to Mr. Witter and Pacey walking towards his patrol car.) Mr.Witter: You stay outta this, Pacey! You and I have a whole nother problem to deal with. Pacey: Of course I do. Mr.Witter: Today you got a phone call at the house. Pacey: Andie? Mr.Witter: Mr. Milo! He's worried about you. He told me that you've blown two of your finals. Pacey: I've got it under control, okay? Mr.Witter: Pacey, he said you didn't write word one on either exam. That's prudent! What were you thinking? Pacey: I was thinking that it doesn't really matter, okay?! Mr.Witter: The hell it doesn't! You get your things, you're coming home. Pacey: No. Mr.Witter: I don't want you hanging out here, Pacey. Mr. Potter's a known felon, it doesn't make me look good. Pacey: Is that what this is about?! Mr.Witter: Get your stuff! Pacey: I said no! Mr.Witter: I SAID GET YOUR STUFF! (He grabs Pacey's arms.) Pacey: Get your hands off me! (Pacey's dad punches him.) Mr. Witter: I'll be in the car. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to Mr.Potter opening his blind and seeing the fire. He grabs his drugs and rushes to the toilet and starts hurredly opening them and pouring them in to flush them down the stool. Cut to the group at the table.) Dawson: Does anybody smell that? Jack: Smoke.. Jen: Where's it coming from? (Joey looks behind her through the door.) Joey: There's a fire! (She gets up and runs towards the smoke) Dawson: Joey! Joey: Dad! (Cut to Pacey and his dad by the patrol car.) Pacey: Dad! DAD! (Pacey points towards the fire. Mr.Witter gets on the radio as Pacey runs in. Cut to everybody opening the door towards the room.) Dawson: Careful! Careful! (They go in.) Joey: Dad! Dad! DAD? DAD! Mr.Potter: Joey! JOEY, GET OUTTA HERE! Get her outta here! Joey: Dad! Noo! Dad! (Pacey drags her out. Dawson grabs a fire extinguisher. Jen stares at the flames.) Jack: Jen, come on! (Dawson starts using the fire extinguisher.) Dawson: (to Mr.Potter) I CAN'T GET IN THERE! STAY BACK! (Dawson breaks the window glass. Mr.Witter and Dawson get Mr.Potter out. Cut to Joey, Pacey, Jen, and Jack waiting outside of the Icehouse staring into it watching. Mr.Potter and Dawson run out with Mr.Witter leading the way. Sirens are heard in the distance. Joey runs up and hugs her dad. Dawson stares coldly at Mr.Potter and coughs from the smoke. Cut to Mr.Potter watching the Icehouse being put out by firemen.) Dawson: Is this your idea of taking care of things? Mr.Potter: It's not that simple, Dawson. Dawson: You need to go to the police and tell them everything that you know. Mr.Potter: I can't. It's too dangerous. Dawson: THIS is too dangerous. (Joey walks up and leans her shoulder on her dad.) Joey: I'm all checked out. They asked for the hero next (to Dawson). That'd be you. Dawson: I'm not a hero, Joey. Mr.Potter: Don't be modest, Dawson. You saved my life. You're a hero. Dawson: Some situations are too tragic to have a hero. This is one of them. (He kisses Joey on the cheek and walks off. His parents run up to him.) Mitch: Dawson! (Cut back to Joey, looking confused up at her father.) (Cut to Mr.Witter and Pacey talking inside.) Mr.Witter: That b*st*rd was lying to me. He's in it up to his neck and he knows it. Pacey: Come on, you don't even know if this has anything to do with him. Mr.Witter: A random arson incident in the middle of Capeside? Let's consider the chances of that, Pacey. If God hadn't blessed ya with my good looks, I wouldn't know who's son you were. Why don't you drive yourself home before you make another embarressing comment? Pacey: I think I'll walk. Mr.Witter: As if I care. Pacey: Nobody assumed you did, Pop. Mr.Witter: You'll have to excuse my son, boys. His girlfriend moves away and all of a sudden it's his time of the month. Pacey: Screw you, okay? (Mr.Witter grabs his arm and Pacey quickly removes it.) Pacey: Get your hands off me! You don't touch me again! Ever! Mr.Witter: Finally, my boy gets a pair (?) and all it took was getting his heart broken by some girl with a few screws loose. (Pacey punches him.) Pacey: Andie did more for my life in 6 months than you did in 16 years, you rotten son of a bitch. So if you want to make fun of me, if you want to bust on me, that's fine. But if you so much as make one more even slightly disparaging comment about the woman I love, you're going to policing this town from a hospital bed, you hear me? And one more thing, even if Mr.Potter was involved in all this, he's still 10 times the father you ever were. (Cut to Bessie and Mr.Potter sitting at the Potter's kitchen table, talking. Joey walks in.) Bessie: There's no reason that if we get an inspector out there tomorrow that we can't file a claim. It's start the procedure-- Joey: What's going on? Mr.Potter: Your sister and I are going over the insurance papers. Joey: No, I mean, with the police. Why is the Icehouse taped off? Mr.Potter: The fire was arson related, it's typical investigative procedure. Joey: So there's nothing else going on? Bessie: Joey, what are you saying? Joey: I'm asking Dad if he knows why the police are so interested in the fire or why there was a fire in the first place. Mr.Potter: As God is my witness, I have no idea. Joey: You're positive? Bessie: Josephine Potter, you stop it right now. Joey: No. I want him to swear. Mr.Potter: I just swore to you, Joey. Joey: I know, but I need you to swear again. I need to know that you're telling me the truth. Do you know who started that fire? Mr.Potter: No. Joey: Okay. (She sighs, much more relaxed and they hug. Cut to Dawson sitting with his parents at the kitchen table.) Mitch: There's no question. You have to go to the police. Gail: Honey, whoever these men are that Joey's dad is dealing with, if they are capable of burning down a building then they are capable of much worse. Dawson: I realize that but how can I do this to Joey? I mean, she finally gets her family back and I'm going to be the one that's going to take it away from her? Mitch: Joey's father is responsible here, not you. Dawson: But what if...what if I just gave him some time? Maybe he could change things. Mitch: The man just got out of prison less than a month ago and he's already committed the same crime that landed him there in the first place. Dawson: I just wish that I never saw what I saw. Gail: There's a reason that you did, honey. Joey's in danger and she needs your strength. Even if that strength doesn't come in the way that she wants. Mitch: You have to go to the police. There's really nothing else left that you can do. Dawson: There is one thing. (He gets up. Cut to Jack and Jen in Jack's house.) Jack: You didn't make a move tonight. You stood there and you watched that fire. Why? Jen: I was in shock, alright? Jack: No, I don't believe you. Jen: I don't remember, Jack. Jack: I want the truth, Jen. All your little comments, how much do you mean them? Jen: I'm not the kind of person that would take their own life, if that's what you're thinking, Jack. But...but when I was standing there, looking at that fire, I couldn't help but thinking maybe...maybe this is Fate's way of providing me with an out. Jack, I don't want to die but I didn't care enough to run. Jack: I understand what you're going through. I know how numbing the pain of hating yourself is. You know, it makes you just want to push everybody away especially the people who care about you the most. But you can't. Not if you plan on ever being happy. (They hug. Cut to Joey sitting by herself on some lawn chairs by the creek. Dawson walks up.) Dawson: Hey... Joey: Hey. You called. Dawson: Yeah. Ahh (sighs) What I have to tell you you're not going to like...so I'm just going to say it really quickly. Joey, your father's dealing drugs again. Joey: (defensively & angrily) You don't know that. Dawson: Yes, I do. I caught him. And that's not all. This fire tonight was not all, but partially his repsonsibility. I talked to him about it, I talked to my parents about it, I didn't want to talk to you about it because I didn't want you to know but..now it's gone too far. Joey: (shaking her head defensively) He told me he had nothing to do with the fire. He swore to me. Dawson: He's lying to you. Joey: Well, I believe him. Dawson: I know you want to believe him. Joey: No, I do. Dawson: Joey, why would I lie about this? Joey: Why are you doing this? Dawson: Because you need to know the truth. Alright, this is a very dangerous situation right now. If your father could help apprehend the people who are responsible for this, if we went to the police and maybe you can work something out for your dad. Joey: You want me to turn my own father in? What kind of a person do you think I am? Why are you doing this? Dawson: Joey, this isn't my fault! Joey: Yes, it is! Dawson: There's no other option! Joey: You just couldn't keep well enough alone?! You had to get involved?! Dawson: Joey, I love you! I'm not going to let you risk your life to protect somebody who isn't protecting you. Joey: Dawson, this is my father. I am begging you, just stay out of it. Dawson: I can't. Joey: Yes, you can. I mean, not just for me or my family's sake but for us. I'm telling you, Dawson. We won't survive this. Dawson: That's a risk that I'm willing to take. Because I care about you more than I care about myself. And somebody has to do the right thing. If you can't, then I will. (Joey slowly sits back down in her lawn chair. Cut to Joey, Dawson, and Dawson's parents in Mr.Witter's office.) Mr.Witter: If I have to wait until I have enough proof to arrest your father, then he's going away for life. Joey: You don't even have proof? Then why should I go along with this? Mr.Witter: Joey, the men who tipped me off to your father's dealing are his competitors. They're also responsible for that fire last night. If your father doesn't help me get them, they're going to keep helping me until I get him. Joey: You guys have no idea what you're asking me to do. Mr.Witter: He's putting your entire family in danger. Joey: Yeah, well, it's my family, Mr.Witter. And what benefits my family is being together and trusting each other. Mr.Witter: Don't you think your father's betrayed that trust? Joey: Well, right now I think I trust him a lot more than I trust any of you. Dawson: You know what? Could we just have a couple of minutes alone? (Mr.Witter nods and him and Dawson's parents get up and leave.) Dawson: He wants to help, Joey. He cares. We all do. Joey: (coldly) I appreciate the concern, Dawson. What I don't appreciate is having the solution forced down my throat. Dawson: I tried to talk to your father-- Joey: That's just it, Dawson. You tried. But he's not your father, Dawson. It doesn't matter if he goes off to prison for the rest of your life, does it? Dawson: That's why I came to you. Joey: Yeah, with the decision already made! Dawson: Joey, I wish there was another option but there isn't! You have to understand that! Joey: I understand, Dawson, that in that black and white world in which you live, you didn't see any choices, but that's not my world. I see things in gray and that's what makes us different and that's what made me fall in love with you and that's what is tearing us apart. (She leaves the room. Dawson sighs and runs his hands through his hair. Cut to Mitch and Gail sitting outside of their house on a picnic table.) Mitch: We did well with our son. Gail: Our one success. Mitch: We've had more success than that, Gail. For the past 24 hours, they have reminded me so much of how I love to be a part of this family. Dawson was able to count on us when he needed to and I felt like a father again. And if you can believe it, a husband. Gail: Oh, Mitch. (Mitch kneels before her.) Mitch: Stay here with me. With us. Please. Gail: You see, ever since you left I have prayed for the day that you'd come back and when that didn't happen, I started seeing Philly for what it was. And oddly enough, it felt more right than anything had in a long time. Mitch: But we can be right again, too, Gail. I want my whole life back. I want us. Gail: No, you want what we had. We'll never have that again, Mitch. So I'm going to do something that's right for both of us, I'm going to take the unplanned route for a little while in hopes that whatever we lost, we'll be able to stumble upon again. Mitch: Did Dawson understand? Gail: He understands how much I love him. That's enough, I think. (Cut to Jen climbing the steps to Grams. She opens the door and Grams sees her.) Jen: I have three conditions. Grams: What are they? Jen: One - that we address the reality of why this didn't work out before. I know I made some mistakes. But even on my best behavior I never felt that I was comfortable living here with you. I never felt I was good enough. Grams: Oh, Jennifer. Jen: Two - I need you to acknowledge that I've been through a lot in my life. More than most girls my age, and what I need is your support, not your judgement. Especially not His judgement. Grams: Okay..I think I can manage that. Jen: What you need to understand, Grams, I don't need a legal guardian to be able to survive and I can handle a lot more than you think. But what I want..is to live here with you. I want a family. I want us to take care of each other and I don't want to be alone anymore. Grams: Neither do I. (They hug.) Grams: Was there a third? Jen: Yes. There's somebody else who doesn't want to be alone anymore either. (She motions towards Jack. Grams looks and sighs.) Grams: Well, I've been meaning to clear out your grandfather's room for awhile. (Jen and Grams hug again. Cut to Pacey leaning against the railing by the water. Mr.Witter walks up.) Pacey: What are you doing here? Mr.Witter: Well, for starters, you punched me. Pacey: If you came looking for an apoligy, you're barking up the wrong tree. Mr.Witter: No, I don't want one. I deserved it. (Pacey looks at him, confused.) Mr.Witter: Good for you for doing it. You got another phone call today. It was Andie. We talked for a long time...she's uh...kinda chatty, that one. Pacey: (smiles) Yeah, she is. Mr.Witter: She sounded sweet as hell, Pacey. So I'm sorry what I said yesterday, I really don't know anything about her. Pacey: Apoligy accepted. (He starts to walk away.) Mr.Witter: No, I'm not done. As little as I know about her, I know even less about you, my own son. I realized that as Andie was trying to fill me in on what you two had been through... (Pacey looks like he's on the verge of tears.) Mr.Witter: (cont.) I didn't know about any of that. She said you were her hero...that was nice to hear. Anyways, I called your school and explained things to them. They said they're going to let you make up the finals next week, when you feel up to it. Pacey: Thank you. Mr.Witter: It's the least I could do. (pauses) I'm sorry I'm not the kind of father that you felt you could share your story with... (A single tear runs down Pacey's face as he fights off as many tears as he can.) Mr.Witter: And just one other thing...Andie wanted me to give you something... (Mr.Witter hugs Pacey. They pull away and Pacey starts crying and throws his arms around his dad again.) Pacey: Oh, God....I miss her so much....I miss her so much it's killing me, Pops... Mr.Witter: I know you do, son, I know. (Cut to Mr.Potter in the Potter living room looking at a picture of Joey with her mother. Joey walks in stiffly and slowly, very nervous looking.) Joey: Dad. Mr.Potter: Joey. Where'd you run off to this morning? I cooked you breakfast. Joey: What's with the police? Mr.Potter: Oh... Joey: Are you dealing drugs again? Mr.Potter: (starts crying and slowly nods.) Yes. Joey: (starts to cry) Why? Mr.Potter: Joey, I wish I had an answer for ya. I wanted to provide for my family. Not just survive, but provide. I thought that if I just made a little extra money, get ahead, maybe there'd be a chance for us... Joey: Yeah but you served your time! You were supposed to start a new life! Mr.Potter: I wanted to, Joey. But what you don't understand is the burden I felt. Joey: We were a burden? Mr.Potter: No! You girls are my gift. The burden was self-afflicted. Ever since I moved back in here with you, I have been haunted...by the knowledge that I have failed you. Joey: Then why didn't you tell me about this? We could have found a way. We could have done something! Mr.Potter: I was just too weak, Joey! (He reaches out to touch her and she pulls away quickly.) Mr.Potter: I have been up night after night after night wondering what compelled me to take that road both times...and I don't have an answer for it. Joey: But I trusted you! And you lied and you ruined everything Bessie and I have worked so hard for. I mean, we could have died in that fire and it would have been your fault! Mr.Potter: I know, I know, I know and I hate myself so much for it that I wish I had died in that fire! I just...I don't know what to do...I don't know how to fix this...all I know is that I am so, so sorry. Joey: (gets a grip on herself, her tears stop somewhat) I'm sorry, too. I took care of it for you. (She lifts up the bottom of her shirt revealing that she has been wearing a wire. She looks at her dad with tears in her eyes.) Joey: (whispers) I'm so sorry. Mr.Potter: Don't be. (Cut to Mr.Potter and Joey walking out of their house. He turns back around and looks at Joey. He walks towards the patrol cars past Bessie. He looks at Bessie and she looks away, crying. He gets in the patrol car. Bessie walks towards the house and up the stairs and looks at Joey and keeps walking. Joey looks over to find Dawson standing there. She slowly walks towards him.) Dawson: How are you feeling? Joey: (deadly cold) Like hell. Dawson: Is there anything I can do? Joey: (cold again) No thank you. Dawson: You did the right thing, Joey. Joey: No, Dawson. You did the right thing. What I did...the word right doesn't even come close to. Dawson: We both did what we had to do. Joey: (glares at him) What I have to say, you're not going to like, so I'll say it quickly. I hope one day that I'll be able to forgive my father for all of this, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself, but I know that I will never forgive you. See, Dawson, there are certain circumstances that love can not overcome and from now on...I don't want to know you. (She turns and goes into her house. Dawson stands there, shocked and heartbroken and he forces out a whisper.) Dawson: See ya, Joey. (Cue ending credits.)

Plan: A: Joey; Q: Who aids the police in arresting her father? A: her father's drug dealing; Q: What is Dawson unsure about telling Joey? A: Mr. Potter; Q: Who does Sheriff Witter believe is back to his old tricks? A: the gang; Q: Who is studying in the restaurant? A: Gail; Q: Who tells Mitch about her new job offer? A: Mitch; Q: Who does Gail tell about her new job offer? A: Philadelphia; Q: Where does Gail get a job offer? A: Pacey; Q: Who becomes depressed after Andie leaves? A: his father; Q: Who mocks Pacey's pain? A: a physical confrontation; Q: What happens between Pacey and the Sheriff? A: a bad father; Q: What does Sheriff Witter realize he has been? A: Jack; Q: Who becomes worried that Jen is suicidal? A: the burning Ice House; Q: What is the name of the restaurant that is set on fire? A: her life; Q: Joey wants Dawson out of what? A: second; Q: What grinding halt is their romance at? Summary: Dawson is unsure about whether to tell Joey about her father's drug dealing. Sheriff Witter stakes out the Ice House, believing that Mr. Potter is back to his old tricks. When the gang is studying in the restaurant, one of Mr. Potter's unruly competitors sets it on fire with everyone still inside, making Dawson's conflict greater. Gail tells Mitch about her new job offer in Philadelphia. Pacey becomes depressed now that Andie is gone and his father mocks his pain, which results in a physical confrontation between Pacey and the Sheriff. As a result, Sheriff Witter comes to understand Andie's importance in Pacey's life and that he has been a bad father. Jack becomes worried that Jen is suicidal when she doesn't immediately leave the burning Ice House. Later, Grams and Jen reconcile, causing Jen to move back in, taking Jack with her as well. Joey aids the police in arresting her father, having been forced to do so by Dawson. Afterwards, she tells Dawson she will never forgive him and wants him out of her life, bringing their romance to a second grinding halt.

Modus Operandi (1x04 : Becoming) Written by CRAIG SWEENY Directed by DAVID STRAITON **Previously on 'The 4400'** Flashbacks to the ball of light approaching Earth, and the 4400 appearing on Mount Rainer. Danny and Shawn discussing Nikki. Diana agreeing to take Maia home to live with her. Tom accusing Shawn of having something to do with Kyle's condition and Kyle having to undergo surgery. **Present** A Sherriff Conrad receives a printed letter. "The time I lost is gone. I'll never get it back, but my years in the dark didn't kill me. And my work remains. And even though l might not understand what's happening to me, I have faith in the final outcome. After all, l'm doing what l was intended to do, becoming what I was meant to be. I look forward to corresponding with you again, I know it's been a long time.I tell you this as a courtesy - you can observe my work, but there's no point in trying to interfere with it. I'm now in full command of my talents. I hope the world is read." A picture of a young woman has been enclosed. The womans eyes are crossed out. There are riots in the street as people panic over the 4400. The Barbara Yates Tv Show is on. Diana watches while Maia get's breakfast. Yates: Despite protests, Homeland Security refuses to divulge the names or whereabouts of the 4400 living here in the US.Confirmed reports of unusual abilities have the public panicked. And yet this man sitting beside me says we have nothing to worry about. I'm sure most of you recognise him even though he's been away for the past 28 months. I'm talking about Mr Jordan Collier, who recently breached the government's wall of silence and chose to out himself as one of the notorious 4400. Jordan... Why? Why now? Why here? What's your agenda? Collier: I have no agenda. But someone had to put a human face on the 4400. We've been demonised enoughby people like you. Yates: Well, if you're implying this is a witch-hunt, I disagree. Collier: You're not the one burnt at the stake. Maia enters the room. Maia: Breakfast is ready. Diana: Shouldn't I be saying that to you? Maia! Thank you very much! This beats a can of coke and a slice of cold pizza. I'll get better at being the grown-up. Maia: It's OK. I like being the grown-up. Diana: I think you'll have a good time with Mrs Benke. I hear she's a very cool babysitter. I talked to Mr Ryland about permission to get you enrolled in school. Cos, that would be nice, right? Maia: Yeah, school might be fun. Diana begins to open a sealed newspaper. The headlines read 'Friday Harbor Killer Back After 21 Years. Latest murder fits pattern of unsolved crimes' Maia: Diana...You're not going to like what's in there. Homeland Security Tom: Oliver Knox disappeared August 22nd 1983, five nights after the last body turned up. Ryland: And he moved back to Friday Harbor, when? Tom: About three weeks ago. Nineteen days before the latest body turned up. Diana: It could be a coincidence. The letter seems genuine but the latest victim wasn't a prostitute. The other original ones, were. Ryland: Coincidence. That's the kind of positive thinking we like to encourage in this department. Because, if it is Knox, then it means that we've got a 4400 serial killer on our hands. And if that's not a worst-case scenario, it'll sure as hell do for one. It's the kind of hot button issue Barbara Yates lives for. Diana: So I guess we're taking a trip up to Friday Harbor. Ryland: Bring me back a t-shirt. Alex... Friday Harbor Police Department. Tom and Diana meet with Sherriff Jim Conrad. Conrad: National Threat Assessment Command, NTAC. Are you here about Knox? Tom: Got it in one. Conrad: It's a small town. Oliver reappeared after 21 years and he doesn't look a day older. We connected the dots. Are you gonna take over my investigation? Tom: We'll be cooperating until we establish Knox's guilt or innocence. Conrad: I could use some fresh air. And some cooperation. His alibi's airtight. Tom: Alibi or not, we still want to talk to him. Anything else you can tell us? They take a walk along the harbor front. Conrad: You want to know about Knox? When he was 15, he was bow hunting with his cousin. There was an accident, Knox ended up with an arrow in his chest. His cousin panicked and ran. Knox woke up in a pool of blood, with an arrow in his chest. So he pulled it out and cauterised the wound? Even better. He stood up and walked four miles into town, strolled into the emergency room and checked himself in. All this with an arrow in his chest. Years later, I asked him if it happened that way. He said every word was true.I told him, 'That must have been the walk from hell.' 'Not at all', he said. 'It was exhilarating.' He felt like he could have walked forever. That's Oliver Knox. Titles Oliver Knox is watering the plants in his garden when Diana, Tom and the Sherriff arrive. Tom: Mr Knox... Mr Knox. We've a few questions about the death of Theresa Baron. Knox: Sheriff Conrad call you or you jumped to the same conclusion? Tom: Not exactly a big jump. You were on the police radar back in '83. Knox: Along with a number of other people. Tom: Did you know Ms Baron? Knox: No. She was born after I was abducted. Look, I know how tempting the math is on this murder. I disappear in '83, the killings stop. Here I am, and the poor girl's dead. Tom: We noticed. Knox: In your shoes, I'd probably want me to be guilty too. It would be so convenient, but... I almost feel bad l can't oblige you. I did not kill that woman. Listen, can I get you some water? If we're going to talk we might as well be civilised. Tom: No. We've taken up enough of your time. Diana: Conrad told me about how you got shot in the chest that day. Knox: Jim does love to talk. You'd like to see the arrow? I have it inside. Tom: That won't be necessary. Shawn is still at the hospital. He's leaning up against a wall in the hallway, when Nikki appears. Nikki: How's Kyle? Shawn: We don't know yet. Nikki: About last night... Shawn: The kiss. Nikki: That. And other things. We have a lot to talk about. Shawn: No, we don't. Nikki: Shawn. You have a gift. Danny: Nikki. When did you get here? Shawn: How's Kyle? Danny: Still in intensive care but Uncle Tommy says he's stable. Guess whatever they've been doing to him worked. For now, anyway.Listen, l'm starving. You wanna come with us to the cafeteria? Shawn leans back against the wall and doesn't answer. Danny: Yeah. l'll bring you a burrito. Members of the 4400 undergo therapy. The scene flicks in between the therapist talking with various people. Therapist: Why don't we start with something easy. Tell me about your parents. Lily: My parents? They used to argue about money a lot. That was before they split up. Therapist: They divorced? Lily: Yeah, I was 14. Therapist: Do you remember how that made you feel? Shawn: Depressed. Angry, maybe. Therapist: Why don't you tell me about the rest of your family? Richard: They're gone.Got a few cousins outside of St Louis who remember me as a...picture in an old photo album. Lily: My husband married another woman. Shawn: My brother hates that l'm back.What's the point of this? Richard: Look, you wanna help me? Help me find a job. Tell me what to say when they ask me how old l am. Or about my work experience or how to explain tha 50 year gap in my résumé. Everyone says the world has changed for the better, that people don't judge you by your skin.Well let me tell you something, I'm still being judged. You're asking me about my relationship with my parents? Therapist: Let's talk about this hostility that you're manifesting towards me. Danny arrives at Homeland Security and is met in the hallway by Tom. Tom: Danny, you wanted to see me? Thanks, Peter. Danny: So this is where you work? Tom: Yeah. What's up? Danny: I want to talk to you about something, uncle Tommy. Tom: Is it about Shawn? Danny: How did you know? Tom: I'm listening. Danny: He had a fight at school a few weeks ago. He might've killed the guy if I didn't step in. Tom: What did he do to him? Danny: It sounds crazy but... It was like Shawn was draining the life out of him, somehow. I'm not the only one who saw it. Tom: What made you decide to tell me now? Danny: Just thought you should know. Shawn decides to go to Mount Rainier one evening and finds many other members of the 4400 sat on the mountain top. Female: Beautiful, aren't they? I wonder if that's where we were. Shawn: What's everybody doing here? Female: What are you doing here? Shawn: I don't know. I wanted to see it, where we came back. I figured it would be a good place to come and think, to clear my head. Female: Most people come for the conversation. Shawn: There's not a lot of that going on. Female: Give it time. Around 11 o'clock, this place becomes one big group therapy session. A car pulls up and Jordan Collier get's out, along with another man. Collier: I'm sorry to interrupt but l just had to see this myself. My name's Jordan Collier. Some of you may recognise me. If you do, you know I'm one of the 4400, just like you. I'm impressed that you've found each other. And I'm glad that you've come in support of each other. And... I'm cold!And I have to guess that you guys are cold too. I suggest that we continue these get-togethers indoors. I have a place nearby. It's warm, it's spacious. I want to invite all of you to meet me there next Thursday afternoon. You listen to the news, you read the paper, you hear the talk. It seems like the entire world is turning against us. Well, what are we going to do about it? Are we gonna give up? Run and hide? Maybe. Or maybe, just maybe, we build a world of our own. Tom and Diana accompany Sherriff Conrad into the woods. Conrad: This is the spot where we found Theresa Baron's body. We went over everything pretty good. Diana: Yeah, well...We have the toys. We like to take them out of the box. Tom: The killer posed her after she was dead? There should have beenblood hand-prints all over. Conrad: It rained that day. The scene was washed clean. Tom: Yeah, but if he dragged her over here,he had to grab onto something. Diana: Tom. Diana has found a fingerprint on a nearby leaf. Tom: I'll be damned. Later that evening they all arrive outside Lopez' house and prepare to enter. Conrad: His name is Philip Lopez. He did 18 years for rape. He was paroled six months ago. Diana: We just got confirmation his prints were found at the scene of Theresa Baron's murder. Tom: Everyone set? Go. They kick the door in and enter. Tom: Lopez! Diana: Tom. They find Lopez hanging from the stairwell. The body is later bagged. Tom: The suicide note says he killed all nine women. Only his time away kept him from doing more. The dates makes sense? Conrad nods. Conrad: Lopez was up here working as seasonal labour during the first round of killings. I guess we owe Oliver Knox an apology. The next day, Knox is secretly taking pictures of a young woman in a video store. He goes into a bar across the street. The barmaid, Felicia, is practising speaking Italian. Knox: Excuse me, can I get a cranberry juice and Seltzer? And...give me another of what he's having. Felicia: Excuse me? Sorry, I'm going to Florence in four days and I didn't want to seem like a tourist when I get there.Ice? Knox: Yeah, a little. Felicia: I studied Italian in college. Knox: Really? He recites in Italian. Felicia: "Beautiful as a sunset over Duomo." Knox: That is very good. You get an A Plus. Felicia: And you get a free round. Staley: Hey Felicia, can I get a beer? Knox: Grazie. He moves to the other end of the bar where Charlie Staley is sitting. Knox: Need a refill, friend? Staley: Thanks. Knox: Listen, I... Listen, I know we don't know each other but I've something to show you. He pulls out a picture of the girl he photographed earlier. Staley: So, what's her name? Knox: I don't know. But...l can tell you something about her. Later that night, the girl can be seen leaving work. The man from the bar whistles as he follows her. Diana returns home from work. The childminder is waiting for her in the living room. Diana: Hello? So sorry I'm late! Hey, Iris, how did we do today? Iris: I can't come back here. Diana: What? Why? Iris: That child. I'm sorry. You'll find someone. Iris leaves and Diana talks with Maia. Maia: I told her we wouldn't be seeing each other for a couple of weeks. Diana: Why did you tell her that? Maia: Because she was gonna be called for jury duty. She thought I was kidding. A few hours later, her husband called. Diana: And she got a summons for jury duty? Well, hey, come here. It's OK, all right? It's OK. Linda walks into Kyle's hospital room and finds Shawn sitting by his bedside. Linda: What are you doing here so late? Shawn: My mom said he was getting worse. Linda: The fluid's building inside his skull again. Shawn: Why did they take me and leave him like this? We were both on the beach that night, I don't understand. I wish I could remember something 'cause I keep thinking, I think it would help. Linda: Tom said you were here the night Kyle had that... jump in his brain activity. He was getting better. And now he's dying. Shawn, did you do something to him? Shawn, tell me. Just talk to me. Please! Shawn: You know I didn't do anything. I told Uncle Tommy. I told you, OK? I gotta go. Richard and Lily are walking in the park, holding hands. Richard: I wish we could talk to a doctor. Lily: And say what? 'My baby may be some kind of alien and, by the way, I know what it's thinking'? That will just get me thrown right back in to quarantine. Richard: I was there today to register our address. Lily: Thanks, I can't stand going back there. Richard: I ran into Gary Branscombe. He had the bed next to mine. He told me about Jordan Collier's get-togethers. Lily: Joe Collier.He's the hotel guy? Richard: Yeah, turns out he's one of us.We should go. Lily: Richard, come on! You can't tell me teenagers didn't make out in 1951 . Richard: Yeah, in a parked car by the lake. Lily: Oh, in a parked car by the lake? That's very cute. Staley from the bar is walking down the main street. His white shirt is covered in blood and he's hearing voices in his head. "Let me tell you somethin' about her... Let me tell you somethin'... I can tell you somethin'... Let me tell you somethin'... Let me tell you somethin'..". He is distressed and jumps out in front of an approaching lorry. The lorry stops just in time. Driver: Are you crazy? Get outta the road! Staley: I killed them. I killed them all. I killed them all. A police officer get's out his gun. Officer: Hands up! Keep your hands up! Tom and Diana are behind a two way mirror talking to the arresting officer as they watch Staley in the other room. Conrad: Gail Keating. She worked at a video store. They found her body in the park this morning. Her blood was all over him.He spoke for five minutes straight, when we brought him in. Confessed to Gail's death and the other nine murders. Not a word since. Diana: George Lopez killed Theresa Baron. He said so in his suicide note, her shirt was in his apartment... Conrad: This morning, Charlie Staley confessed to the same murder. Diana: And they both claim to be behind the original killings? Conrad: Yeah. Only Charlie's 39. He was five years old when the first death happened. Tom: We can eliminate Lopez as a suspect as well. Conrad: How d'you figure that? Tom: Check Lopez's prison records. He was left-handed. The autopsy reports in the 80's show the Friday Harbor killer was right-handed. Diana: So Lopez kills one girl, Staley kills the other, and neither one of them committed the original crimes. Conrad: Why would they confess to murders they couldn't possibly have committed? Conrad leaves. Tom: The pieces don't quite fit together, do they? Diana: Until you add Knox into the puzzle. Tom: He disappears, the killings stop. He came back, they started again. Diana: Let's say Knox is involved somehow. That means what? He's forcing these men to do his murders for him? Tom: Could be. The question is, how? Why have more than one person admit the crimes? One, we'd stop digging. Two gets our attention. Diana: Maybe he can't control everything they do. What if Knox can force people to kill? But only by convincing them they really are the Friday Harbor killers? Tom: In for one murder, in for them all. Members of the 4400 meet at Collier's residence. All have badges on which show their date of abduction. Collier: Hi, welcome. 1969, huh? The good news is, your bell-bottoms are back in style. Collier: Hi. Pleased to meet you. Shawn: There's this guy l was just talking to, he was gone for 40 years. He picked everything up without missing a beat. Then there's me, I'm gone for three years. And it's like my life's fallen apart...everythings different. Collier: I know, Shawn.Remember that most of us feel the same way you do. Shawn: Some of us are more different than others, if you know what l mean. Collier: I'm not sure I do. Shawn: OK. I had this fight with a guy at school, I know it's gonna sound crazy... Collier: I really can't hear the specifics right now. Not yet, anyway. I've a lot of interviews over the next few weeks. I have to be able to deny what I need to. I know you're feeling confused, and I can't blame you. But it sounds to me like you've been given a gift. Shawn: That's what Nikki called it. Collier: Well, Nikki's right, whoever she is. And this gift, don't let it scare you. You will find the right way to use it. Shawn: Ok Collier takes a walk in the gardens and finds Lily standing by a wall. Collier: Well, what can l do for you this afternoon, Lily '93? Don't worry, it's not a line. Though you're the most attractive abductee l've met all afternoon. I'm Jordan Collier. l'm throwing this party. Lily: Oh, nice to meet you. Richard appears with a plate of food. Richard: Here you go. Lily: Thank you. Collier: Do I detect a little romance brewing among the 4400? Richard: You have a good eye. Collier: I'm happy you're getting something positive out of all this. Richard: You're Jordan Collier. Collier: Yes. See? He's not afraid of me. Lily: I'm a little light-headed. It's hot. I should sit down. Collier: Why don't Ifind you a seat? Richard: I'll get some water. Lily: Thank you. Collier: Do you want me to call a doctor? Lily: No, l'm not sick. It'll pass. Richard: Here you go. Lily: That's good. Collier: If you're not sick, then what's...? Lily: It's just morning sickness. Collier: You're pregnant. Lily: First trimester. Collier: Well, that explains it. Congratulations to both of you. Did I say something wrong? Richard: It's a little more complicated... Lily: Richard's not the father. I wasn't pregnant when I was abducted but I was when I got back. Strange, huh? Collier: I interesting, is more like it.Kind of makes you wonder what they had in mind. Whoever took us, I mean. You haven't told your counsellor about this, have you? Lily: We haven't told anyone. Collier: I'd keep it that way for now. Look, how are you guys managing? Have everything you need? Richard: Everything except a job. I was a pilot in the air force, supposed to be drawing a pension. That hasn't come through yet. I've applied for flight instructor jobs, even for Seattle PD. Every time they find out I'm one of the 4400, the job suddenly goes away. Collier: Look. I may have something you'd be interested in. It doesn't involve flying but given your background in the military... My foundation has an opening in the security department. Richard: Foundation? Collier: For the 4400. If you're interested, come by tomorrow and see me. Richard: I'll be there. Collier: Good. Ryland is watching the Barbara Yates show on TV at Homeland Security. Yates: The rash of violence involving the 4400 continues. Sources tell us Homeland Security is investigating a possible connection between the Friday Harbor murders and an undisclosed returnee. Ryland: That hypocritical, self-righteous, irresponsible bitch... Diana: I take it he doesn't like her show. Tom: He doesn't like her. When we were with the FBl, she disclosed the name of a juror in a prosecution. Judge declared a mistrial, three years of work down the drain. Ryland: You know, she blindsided me once. That is not going to happen again. [SCENE_BREAK] Tom's phone rings. Tom: Tom Baldwin...Yes, Sheriff..... I see....We'll be there. He put's down the phone. Tom: That was Conrad. He got another letter. They go back to Friday Harbor. Conrad: 'I decide who lives and who dies. My judgement is final and more verdicts are coming.' mThe date's clipped from this morning's paper. Couldn't have been composed by Charlie Staley. Not from jail. Tom: Are you telling us, this letter's from the Friday Harbor killer? Conrad: It's genuine. lt describes wound patterns on the original victims. We kept that private. If you believe Knox is involved, why's he out there walking around? Let's pick him up, right now. Tom: We can't. The bottom line is, we need to know exactly how he's linked to these murders to bring him in. Conrad: So what do we do? Wait for another girl to turn up dead? Tom: I think we can do better than that. Knox drives into a garage. Mitchell: $27.75, your change. Knox: Thank you. He hands him a picture of Felicia. Mitchell: What's this? Knox: Let me tell you something about her. Her name's Felicia. She works over at the bar... TV Reporter Barbara Yates is called to Homeland Security for a meeting with Ryland. Yates: Well, I was expecting a scolding on the phone. Maybe a tax audit. Not an invitation into the belly of the beast. Ryland: Consider it a tribute to your bully pulpit. Yates: I'm flattered. Ryland: Don't be. DC is calling for your head. I want you to dial back on the 4400. Yates: Not gonna happen. l'm a journalist, I answer to my viewers. Ryland: Don't hide behind freedom of the press. You shout 'Fire!' in a crowded theatre. And you're gonna stop before the stampede begins. Yates: Yeah, you have a really strong face. Seriously Dennis, you should come on my show. Ryland: You're getting in the way of my job. And if you're gonna continue interfering with Homeland Security, I'd advise you to tread lightly. Yates: And what are you gonna do? Disappear me? Ryland: I asked for your cooperation. Yates: I've chosen not to give it. Ryland: Fair enough. Don't forget to get your parking validated on the way out. Richard meets with Collier in the grounds of the Collier mansion. Richard: This healthcare plan is incredible. Collier: The cover should provide for all your doctor's visits and hospital care once the baby's born. Richard: Mr Collier, I don't know what to say. Collier: Say you'll take the job? The phone rings. Collier: I'm sorry, I have to take this... Len?......Good, good...The whole property?..... Excellent. 26 million......Yes, I want you to close. Don't worry about the board of directors. They voted me back in as CEO when I returned. I'll handle them. Call me when it's done. OK. He put's the phone down. Collier: Real estate deals.They're never over till they're over. So, are you going to come to work for me or not? Richard: I can start tomorrow. Ryland meets with the head of the TV company, in a park. Gibson: Mr Ryland, Phil Gibson. This is an honour. Barbara will be very disappointed she wasn't able to meet with you herself. Ryland: Actually, I prefer to speak to you. Gibson: Great. First, just let me say, sir, any information you give us about the 4400 will never be traced back to you. Ryland: I'm glad to hear that. I've something important to pass on. Gibson: Mind if I tape this? Ryland: Quick and simple. I want Barbara Yates's coverage of the 4400 to stop. Gibson: What do you mean stop? Ryland: I mean it ends. She stops covering the story, period. Gibson: Listen, Mr Ryland, Barbara has sole authority over her editorial content. Barbara says what Barbara wants. There's nothing I can do about it. Ryland: You're her producer. Produce. Gibson: I don't think you don't know what it's like in this business these days. We're not Walter Cronkite you know. Ryland: You want to talk about the old days? In the old days, I would need a warrant to tap all your phones, to freeze all your assets, and to prevent you from ever being a passenger on any airline in the world. But like you say, it's not the old days any more. You've worked for Barbara Yates since the beginning. I'm guessing you knowwhere the bodies are buried. Draw me a map. Shawn is walking alone at night and remembering back to the night he was taken. **Flashback** Kyle: I bet my Dad will kick your ass if I come home smelling of beer. Shawn: Evil cousin Shawn, corruptor of the innocent. For the first time we see what happened to Kyle. Bright tendricles ensnare his head and he is screaming. Shawn stands back looking on, unable to help. Kyle: Help! Help me, Shawn! Shawn rushes to help and pushes Kyle away. Grabbed then himself by the tendricles he begins to scream. **End Flashback** Shawn: Oh, my God! The next morning, Felicia is out for a run in the woods, when Mitchell stops her. Mitchell: Excuse me.I lost my dog. Can you help me find him? Felicia: I haven't seen him. Mitchell: A wire-haired terrier named Boss. Felicia: I haven't seen him. He stops her from getting past him. Felicia: Would you let me by? This isn't funny. I'll scream. Mitchell: Yes, you will. As she screams and tries to run, the man get's out a knife. Tom and Conrad appear with guns. Tom: Don't move! Mitchell: Felicia has to die! She has to! Mitchell is taken back to Homeland Security where he is interviewed. Tom holds up a picture of Mitchell and Knox on the garage forecourt. Tom: This man. What did he say to you, Mr Mitchell? Mitchell: You've been following me? Tom: No. Actually, we were following Knox. Diana: I really like the composition of this shot, its nice, cosy symmetry. Tom: Now, what did he say to you? Mitchell doesn't answer, so Tom turns to the others. Tom: You keep at him. We'll bring in Knox, sit him next to his friend. See what they have to say to each other. Tom and Diana leave as Conrad takes a seat opposite Mitchel. Knox's house. Tom: Knox! Open up! Diana: Tom! Tom: Knox! They go around the back of the house and enter. Mitchell isn't there, but they find the house full of lit candles. On the wall, scrawled in blood, are the words, 'Felicia Must Die'. Tom: Are the police at the girl's house? Diana: She refused an escort. Felicia enters her house. The phone is ringing and she answers it. Felicia: Hello. Hello? She put's down the phone. As she turns she see's Knox standing beside her. Knox: Excuse me. I lost my dog. Can you help me find him? He's awire-haired terrier, his name's Boss. She runs to another room and slams the door. He get's in another door and grabs her, but she smashes a vase over his head and runs. She gets out onto the balcony and he follows her. As police cars draw up below, he grabs her by the throat and has a knife in his hand. Felicia: Somebody help me! Diana: Let her go, Knox! Conrad: Knox! Get away from her or l'll shoot. Knox drags Felicia back through the house. Tom bursts in and hit's him in the face. Knox: l think you broke my nose. Tom: Stay down! Knox: You got me wrong. Let me tell you... Tom: Not a word, not a word. Now, I'm warning you. Later at Homeland Security. Tom and Diana speak with Marco from the theory room. Tom: Goddamn serial killer. This guy murders eight people before he's abducted. They send him back, he picks up where he left off. Marco: In '83, Knox was your garden variety psychopath. They sent him back enhanced. Big difference. Diana: Well, it makes whoever took him sound pretty nasty. Tom: They also sent back Shawn. And Maia. Diana: Yes, I know. For that, l'd like to thank them. But it all seems so random. Marco: Maybe. Until you start to look at the bigger picture. Orson Bailey kills Adam Kensington. Revenge murder. Open and shut. Carl Morrissey's a well-intentioned but hapless vigilante who ends up dead. Diana: Like I said, random. Marco: Yeah, but we know Kensington's company was perpetrating a massive fraud. We've learned that since Morrissey's death, his neighbours formed a committee protecting the park. Anyone starting to see a pattern? Diana: What? You're talking about some kind of ripple effect? Marco: Diana skouris, to the head of the class. Diana: The incidents themselves are just catalysts for change. Positive change in these two cases. Tom: What? Wait a minute. Whoever sent them back planned for these changes to take place? What about the Knox killings There's nothing positive with them. Diana: Or maybe we haven't seen the ripples yet. Knox is being held in a glass cage in the centre of the room. A cleaner is nearby washing the floors. Knox: Excuse me. Hey...I have something I wanna tell you. Hey... I have something I wanna tell you! He doesn't realise that the cage has been soundproofed. Diana is at home watching television. Maia is asleep on the sofa. Reporter: Police aren't saying who released this closely-guarded secret. A document containing the names and addresses of all the 4400 has appeared on the internet and is now posted on more than 20 sites. Authorities won't confirm the leak but efforts to shut down the sites, with an emergency injunction, suggest the list is genuine. We'll have more on this breaking story as it develops. Tom arrives at the hospital to find Shawn in Kyle's room. Tom: What are you doing here, Shawn? As Shawn moves away from the bed, Kyle can be seen sitting up, awake. Tom: Kyle? Kyle: How long......have I been in the dark?

Plan: A: Several 4400s; Q: What is killed during anti-4400 terrorist bombings? A: the perpetrators; Q: What do Tom and Diana race to stop? A: Kyle; Q: Who begins to exhibit strange behavior? Summary: Several 4400s are killed during anti-4400 terrorist bombings, Tom and Diana must race to stop the perpetrators. Kyle begins to exhibit strange behavior and begins to understand what is wrong with him.

3.22 - Those are Strings, Pinocchio OPEN IN TOWN SQUARE [The troubadour starts playing a song. Lorelai and Rory push past him with large backpacks on their backs] RORY: Coming through! Heavy packs. LORELAI: Out of our way, peace boy! No offense, love the song. Carry on. Go. [Lorelai and Rory walk into Luke's Diner] LORELAI: Ugh. And wuss patrol, halt. [they drop their backpacks on the floor] RORY: I've never known such pain. LORELAI: We are so not walking around Europe with those annoying things on our backs. RORY: But we're backpacking through Europe. How're we gonna do this without backpacks? LORELAI: But all the time we've talked about backpacking, I never actually pictured us with backpacks. RORY: Well, what were you picturing? LORELAI: Spry, accommodating European men with neat mustaches trailing after us, carrying our luggage, hailing taxi cabs, constantly reminding us how beautiful we are. RORY: No, it's just the two of us humping our backpacks around. LORELAI: Well, at least my new walking shoes are all broken in. If you count broken skin, broken toes. [Luke walks over] LUKE: Don't do that. LORELAI: Don't do what? LUKE: Don't take your shoes off. This is a restaurant. LORELAI: I don't see a "No shirt, no shoes, no service" sign. LUKE: It's right here, don't do that. RORY: We're in pain, Luke. LUKE: But it's great that you guys are bearing it so nobly. And can you move these? RORY: Can? No. LORELAI: Would if we could? Debatable. [Luke moves the backpacks out of the way] LORELAI: Look at that. RORY: Spry and accommodating. LORELAI: Hey, would you grow a mustache and follow us around Europe? LUKE: Sorry, got travel plans of my own. LORELAI: Really? LUKE: Yup, I'm closing down the diner for a couple of weeks and taking Nicole on a little trip. RORY: Fun. LUKE: We're driving through Western Canada and then taking a cruise up to Alaska. RORY: A cruise? LORELAI: Intimate. LUKE: I guess. Is it? LORELAI: [sings] The Love Boat. LUKE: What? LORELAI: A cruise is a good spot to get down on one knee. LUKE: And do my ventriloquist act? LORELAI: And propose. LUKE: I have no plans to propose. LORELAI: You don't now, but after you've had dinner at Captain Stubing's table and Isaac's served you up a couple of mojitos. RORY: Romantic cruises say commitment, my friend. LUKE: I am not committing and I am not proposing, so drop it. LORELAI: Okay, it's dropped. LUKE: Really drop it. LORELAI: Did I not just say it's dropped? RORY: Heard it with my own ears. LUKE: Thank you. LORELAI: [sings] The Love Boat. [Luke gives her a look] LORELAI: If you'd get a radio in here, I wouldn't have to do that. LUKE: Okay, so your graduation is Wednesday at four, correct? RORY: You know, you really don't have to go to it, Luke. LUKE: I want to. I feel like I've been through this whole Chilton thing with you. RORY: Okay, good, I want you there. LUKE: Good. So what do you want? LORELAI: Are you hungry? RORY: I'm just sore. LORELAI: Let's go home and rest. [they get up and start to leave] LUKE: Hey, wait, don't leave these. RORY: Store 'em for us. LORELAI: Yeah, until we hire a flatbed truck to carry 'em home for us. LUKE: No. LORELAI: Ugh, my left foot hurts. My right foot hurts. Carry me. RORY: You carry me. LORELAI: You carry me. RORY: No, you carry me. LORELAI: Come on. [opening credits] CUT TO THE DRAGONFLY INN [Lorelai and Sookie are standing in the front yard] SOOKIE: What is taking him so long? LORELAI: I don't know. Luke, come on! [Luke walks out of the inn] LUKE: Oh, geez, I walked right into a cobweb. LORELAI: Aw, aw. So, uh, what's the shape of the place? LUKE: It was a really big cobweb. SOOKIE: Terrible. So what's the story? LUKE: Is there a spider on me? LORELAI: Suck it up, big guy, and tell us the scoop. LUKE: It's not so bad. SOOKIE: So it's not so good. LORELAI: Not so bad is not so good. LUKE: No, really, it's not bad. The floors - SOOKIE: Are rotted! LORELAI: I knew it. They need to be replaced. SOOKIE: It's a disaster. LUKE: The floors are fine. They need refinishing, but they're really nice quartersawn oak floors. LORELAI: What about the roof? LUKE: The roof - LORELAI: Is shot? SOOKIE: It's caving in. LORELAI: The walls, too? SOOKIE: Along with our hopes and dreams. LUKE: No, the roof is fine. Some shingles need replacing, but that looks like the extent of it. [Kirk leans out of an upper-story window] KIRK: Almost done here, folks. LORELAI: Great, Kirk. You find any mold? KIRK: You mean, did I find any silent death? Not so far, no. LORELAI: Good. KIRK: I did tell you about the dangers of mold, right? And Ed McMahon's dog? LORELAI: Yes, you did. KIRK: Suffered memory loss due to mold infestation. Forgot how to sit. LORELAI: Yes, it was horrible. KIRK: It's a growth industry right now, pardon the pun. Mold is money. I just wish I wasn't so scared of finding it. LORELAI: Well, don't look too hard then. KIRK: Thanks. LORELAI: So, what's the final prognosis, Luke? We're not buying a money pit, are we? LUKE: You're gonna spend money, but it's not a pit. Might be a steal. LORELAI: It's a steal! SOOKIE: We are such great businesswomen. LUKE: Once you start work, you can probably have this place up and running in four or five months. SOOKIE: Which will give the Independence Inn owners plenty of time to find our replacements. LORELAI: We could be running our own inn in less than a year. [Kirk runs out of the inn] KIRK: Oh, ohhh! LORELAI: What's the matter Kirk? Mold? KIRK: No, mouse! CUT TO CHILTON [Students are in line to record messages for the video yearbook] STUDENT: We all knew that our education at Chilton would be exemplary, but it was the people at Chilton. All my friends - Hi Marcy, love you. Cody and Debbie, love you, too. The faculty, the administrative staff. Even our janitorial staff - Jaime and Joachim. I can't count the number of times you guys made me laugh. . . [cut to Rory and Paris in line] PARIS: Does she need medical attention? RORY: Paris. PARIS: Jaime and Joachim aren't even getting a copy of this. She's maroon. RORY: It's the end of the year, people get nostalgic. PARIS: So, how's your valedictorian speech coming along? RORY: Oh, um, it's okay. Pretty standard. Boring. 'We love the school, blah blah blah.' No one listens to those things anyhow, so - PARIS: Relax, I'm okay with you making valedictorian over me. RORY: Oh, good, thanks. PARIS: Sure. I actually googled the personal histories of Ivy League valedictorians going back twenty-five years, and found some enlightening statistics. They don't necessarily do too well in later life, did you know that? RORY: No. PARIS: Oh, yeah. A lot of business failures, crumbled marriages, suicides, obesity. RORY: Okay. PARIS: A bunch died in car crashes, several did time, one suffocated when his cat fell asleep on his face. RORY: Okay, well, thanks again. [Louise and Madeline take their turn in front of the camera] LOUISE: Okay, A/V geek, just pan my body nice and slow. A/V GEEK: Why? MADELINE: Yeah, why? LOUISE: Because I'll never look better than I do now. PARIS: Come on ladies, we don't have all day. A/V geek, I'm going to need six minutes. A/V GEEK: You're only allowed two. PARIS: Rolling! A/V GEEK: Rolling. PARIS: Fellow Chilton seniors, it's been quite a year. . . CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN [Sookie and Michel are at the front desk.] MICHEL: I hate this. SOOKIE: One guest. In the whole inn, one guy. MICHEL: And I pulled towel duty today. It's especially awful handling guest towels when you know exactly which guests the towels belong to. It's his mites on those towels. SOOKIE: Don't be gross. MICHEL: This is degrading for a man of my capabilities. SOOKIE: Well, what about me? I've got no kitchen. I'm a chef. My skills are deteriorating. I need to sauté, emulsify, marinate. MICHEL: I need more mental stimulation. SOOKIE: I need to frickin' fry a dead animal in a skillet. I'm going nuts. MICHEL: I should've been a dancer. SOOKIE: What? MICHEL: My mother put me in dance school and I rebelled, I wanted to kick the football. I should not have. SOOKIE: I've seen you dance and you jump around like a duck. MICHEL: You know, I'm getting mighty sick of you. SOOKIE: Not as sick as I am of you. MICHEL: You know what, you do his towels. I'm not doing his towels anymore. SOOKIE: I'm not doing his stupid towels. I hate that stupid guy with his stupid newspaper. He's stupid. [Lorelai walks over] LORELAI: Yo, guys, no bickering in front of the guest. SOOKIE: Tell it to Deney Terrio here. I should've been a dancer. MICHEL: Lorelai, how long can we keep this up? LORELAI: Keep what up? MICHEL: We have one guest, half the rooms are still closed from the fire, most of the staff is laid off, I am doing mite towels, and the owner's son is walking around with a bunch of men in suits. SOOKIE: Yeah, John's here. That can't be good. LORELAI: John is here looking things over for the renovation that will reopen all the closed rooms so we can be up and running again. Stop worrying. MICHEL: Okay. SOOKIE: Okay. [Michel and Sookie walk away. The phone rings] LORELAI: [answers] Independence Inn, Lorelai speaking. EMILY: Lorelai, it's your mother. LORELAI: Mother, hi. EMILY: I'm calling to find out how it's going to work at Rory's graduation. Are we going to be sitting together? LORELAI: Well, hm, hm, hm. EMILY: Lorelai. LORELAI: Sorry. Hmm. EMILY: Lorelai. LORELAI: Mom, of course we'll be sitting together. We're family. EMILY: Well, I knew that. I just wasn't sure if you did. LORELAI: Well, we're sitting together. EMILY: Good. LORELAI: Yes, it is. RICHARD: Ask her about the gift, Emily. LORELAI: Dad? EMILY: He's on the other line. LORELAI: Oh, sure got the quiet thing down there. RICHARD: I'm on the upstairs portable, but I'm on my way downstairs. I see your mother now. Hello Emily. EMILY: Hello Richard. RICHARD: I'm on my way to the couch and am about to sit. LORELAI: It's like the thrilling day of radio here. EMILY: We wanted to ask you about a gift for Rory. RICHARD: It's a big gift, a little extravagant. EMILY: But it's a big occasion, so it makes sense. RICHARD: We wanna buy her a car. LORELAI: Well, I think that's a great idea. EMILY: Really? RICHARD: Wonderful. LORELAI: Yeah, Rory needs to get back and forth from Yale a lot, and the quicker she can do it, the more I get to see her, so it's really kind of a present for me, too. RICHARD: Yes, right. EMILY: I suppose so. RICHARD: Didn't think of that. LORELAI: Just not a gas guzzler. And no Ferrari's or Lamborghini's. RICHARD: So nothing Italian? LORELAI: No, it can be Italian, just sensible Italian. RICHARD: All right, well, good. EMILY: I'm glad we had this settled. LORELAI: Good. Well, maybe I'll see you at the graduation, maybe I won't. EMILY: What? LORELAI: See you there. Bye. RICHARD: Goodbye. EMILY: Bye. [they hang up. A man walks over to the front desk] LORELAI: Hey, you and your Armani posse want something to drink, John? JOHN: No, no, Lorelai. We're fine, thanks. LORELAI: Okay. So, I've been lying to people about you all day. JOHN: About what? LORELAI: Oh, about how it's not a big deal that you're walking around with a concerned look on your face with a group of men with concerned looks on their faces. I think I've been lying to me a little, too. JOHN: We have to close off three more rooms. LORELAI: Three rooms? That'll leave us with two. JOHN: And, uh, the estimate for the repairs to get everything back to the quality we had and up to code. . .it's not pretty. LORELAI: No, that's not pretty. JOHN: Mom's leaning toward selling. LORELAI: Selling. JOHN: Nothing's final yet. LORELAI: Yeah, nothing's final. I just. . .Rory grew up here. I grew up here. JOHN: Yeah, I better get back to my group. LORELAI: Right, sure, you go. Hey, be careful not to trip over our guest. JOHN: I won't. CUT TO SOOKIE'S HOUSE [Sookie and Jackson are watching television. There's a knock at the front door.] LORELAI: [calls from outside] Sookie, Jackson, you better not be in bed. JACKSON: Are you expecting Lorelai? SOOKIE: No. LORELAI: [calls] Come on. The night is young and the champagne's cold. SOOKIE: The champagne? [they answer the door] LORELAI: Surprise! SOOKIE: What is this? LORELAI: It's a celebration. SOOKIE: For what? LORELAI: Sookie, get some glasses, and Jackson, put some music on. Whatever you want, just make it festive. JACKSON: Got it. SOOKIE: I don't know what this is, but it's fun. JACKSON: Let's see. I've got Creedence Clearwater Revival. LORELAI: Good energy, too hillbilly. JACKSON: Okay. LORELAI: How you coming with those glasses, Sook? SOOKIE: Just wiping off the fancy ones. JACKSON: Huey Lewis and the News? It's Sookie's. SOOKIE: Hey, we all have our guilty pleasures. JACKSON: Herb Albert and the Tijuana Brass? LORELAI: Ah, fun, festive, that's perfect! Crank it. Okay, I've got some cold Dom for me and Jackson. JACKSON: Happens to be my brand. SOOKIE: Oh, I love this song. LORELAI: And, uh, for Sookie and little baby, uh, whatever-it-is, we've got the, uh, apple bubbly stuff. And cheers. JACKSON/SOOKIE: Cheers! SOOKIE: Well, come on, what are we celebrating? LORELAI: Well, you ready? SOOKIE: Yeah. JACKSON: Definitely! LORELAI: The Independence Inn is closing. JACKSON: Yay! SOOKIE: Yay! The inn is closing. LORELAI: Not closing, closed. We're finished. It's all over. They're boarding the place up as we speak. Who wants more? JACKSON: Well, did they find some gold in the basement or something 'cause I'm missing the celebrating angle. LORELAI: You should always celebrate new challenges, and that's what this is. SOOKIE: A new challenge. LORELAI: Yes. They'll be some severance pay, then nothing. SOOKIE: Nothing! LORELAI: Nothing but exciting new challenges. Cheers! SOOKIE: The inn is closed. JACKSON: Well, I guess this means that you guys can focus solely on refurbishing the Dragonfly, getting that up and running. That's exciting. SOOKIE: Yes, it is. LORELAI: Yeah, I agree. But just drink some more. How're you feeling? SOOKIE: A little drunk, and all I'm drinking is apple juice. LORELAI: Well, good, 'cause I've got another little piece of news for you. We can't buy the Dragonfly because I can't swing my share of the money because I no longer have a steady income. JACKSON: Wow, that is great. SOOKIE: I'm sorry, was that an exciting challenge too? LORELAI: Absolutely. Yesterday our lives were boring and predictable. We had jobs, we were gonna start our own business. But now everything is wide open. We can do anything we want because we're not penned in. That's good. SOOKIE: Yes, that's good. And thinking of those new challenges is a nice way to distract me from the fact that we don't work together anymore so we're gonna see way less of each other. LORELAI: Which will make our limited time together more enjoyable. JACKSON: Right. And since I'm your vegetable supplier, I'm losing work, and seeing my wife and close friend way less than before. LORELAI: Cheers! CUT TO TOWN MEETING [Taylor is at the podium in front of a bored-looking group of townspeople] TAYLOR: That would convert it into a town bylaw, a minor but nonetheless important change from local ordinance, giving us the leeway to enforce charter amendments five and six and grandfathering in previously proposed statutes with no procedural delay. So all those in favor of going ahead of this, say aye. [silence] TAYLOR: All those opposed? [silence] TAYLOR: People, what's going on? People! MISS PATTY: Oh, sorry, Taylor. TAYLOR: What is the matter with you? LUKE: I think it might be the first time sixty people lost their train of thought all at the same time. BABETTE: Yeah, Taylor, your voice always makes me think of my grocery list. We need croutons. MOREY: Got it. TAYLOR: Moving on. Now, people, I know it's an unpleasant subject, but the deer population in this town is reaching monstrous proportions. GYPSY: Not this again. MISS PATTY: He's always going on about the deer. LUKE: Leave 'em alone, Taylor. TAYLOR: But they're taking over the town. We need to institute partial elimination. MOREY: Partial elimination? GYPSY: You wanna kill the little romping Bambi's? TAYLOR: People, do I have to detail the problems that these deer cause? LUKE: No, but you will. TAYLOR: Lyme disease, auto accidents, plane accidents. LUKE: We have flying deer? MISS PATTY: Oh, that's scary. BABETTE: Yeah. Those ones you can snuff. TAYLOR: But the worst problem is the crop loss. Dean, hand me the blow-up please. GYPSY: Hey, Dean, he's paying you for all this, right? DEAN: Yeah. KIRK: Really, how much? TAYLOR: People, this is a randomly chosen but typical landscaped area in the town that was denuded by these ruminant pests. GYPSY: Randomly chosen? LUKE: Taylor, that's your backyard. MISS PATTY: This is a little self-serving. TAYLOR: It might be my yard. Uh. . . BABETTE: Might be? Taylor, no one else has a "Kiss the Gardener" sign. MOREY: This is a trumped up problem. TAYLOR: So none of you are interested in addressing this scourge? KIRK: I have a thought. TAYLOR: Go ahead, Kirk. KIRK: A controlled hunt. BABETTE: Guns? KIRK: Not guns, wolves. LUKE: What? KIRK: You release a pack of wolves, they eat the deer, problem solved. Of course, then you'll have to deal with your wolf problem. MISS PATTY: I say that we defer this unsavory topic for another year. TAYLOR: Now wait a minute. MISS PATTY: All those in favor? EVERYONE: Aye! MISS PATTY: Taylor's opposed. Meeting adjourned. [People get up to leave. Rory walks in the back door] RORY: I missed the whole thing? LANE: Yes, and I'm still semi-grounded, so I only have a limited amount of time in the outside world. RORY: Well, hurry and show me your prom pictures. LANE: [picks up a large bag] These are them. RORY: Lane, how many did you take? LANE: Three hundred. I'll leave them with you, they're pretty self explanatory. RORY: What's this? LANE: Our chicken piccata. RORY: Ah, and this? LANE: Our chicken piccata after one bite. RORY: So, don't tell me, two bites? LANE: Yup. RORY: Okay, I think I can follow this. LANE: Gotta run. Keep 'em in order. RORY: I will. [Lane leaves. Rory walks over to Dean, who is cleaning up at the front of the room] RORY: Hi. DEAN: Hi. RORY: Taylor's paying you to do all this work, isn't he? DEAN: He knows I need money, so he's helping me out with extra stuff to do. He's a good guy. RORY: Yeah, he is a good guy. A very good guy. So how are the old wedding plans? DEAN: They're fine. RORY: You know, my mom's held about a million weddings at the inn and I've worked on a lot of them, so I'm a fountain of useful tips. DEAN: Good. RORY: For instance, your photographer, have him take candid photographs along with the other ones, so that way you'll capture a lot of your favorite moments and you won't be stuck with just the stiff, you know, posed shots. DEAN: Candid, okay. RORY: And if the ring bearer is younger than five years-old. DEAN: My nephew, he's three. RORY: Don't give him the ring until the last second because I have seen many a ring swallowed, and well, it takes a couple days to get it back. DEAN: Good point. It's actually been kind of overwhelming. I mean, you have to rent the hall like a year in advance. RORY: And make sure that your deposit is refundable as long as you can. DEAN: Yeah, it is. And then there's a lot of stuff that we have to buy, too, for our place. RORY: Oh yeah, about that. Come on, sit. [they sit down and Rory hands him a shopping catalog] DEAN: What's this? RORY: Your wedding gift. DEAN: What? RORY: You can get anything you want, but I've marked a bunch of pages with stuff that I think would be most appropriate, and I just wanted to get in early so I'd be the first one to get you a blender, not the third one. DEAN: You don't have to do this. RORY: I know. That's why it's fun. DEAN: This has everything. RORY: I'd recommend the mixing bowls, those are really nice. Or a knife set and a sharpener. Sharpening's very important. I learned that from Sookie. If you leave 'em too long, it's too late. Respect your knives. DEAN: Thanks, Rory. RORY: You're welcome. So just look through it with Lindsay and pick out what you want and I'll order it. DEAN: I will. RORY: Bye, Dean. DEAN: Bye, Rory. CUT TO LORELAI'S LIVING ROOM [Rory is trying on her graduation dress for Sookie and Lorelai] SOOKIE: Maybe we should bring it in a bit more. RORY: Oh sure, but first we'll have to use a medieval torture instrument to crush my ribs and flatten my spinal cord in order to accommodate your sadistic wish there. LORELAI: Don't use subtlety on us. We're slow. SOOKIE: I think she's saying that we don't need to bring it in anymore. LORELAI: Take it off, you're done. SOOKIE: Ugh, I should go. I've got a stupid job interview tomorrow morning, and you know what, I'm nervous. LORELAI: Which place? SOOKIE: Harrington's in Woodbridge. LORELAI: Nice. SOOKIE: They want me to be their executive chef four nights a week. God, I can't imagine working someplace else. And without my Lorelai! RORY: But it's only a few months until the Dragonfly opens, right? SOOKIE: Uh. . .you haven't told her yet. RORY: Told me what? LORELAI: I was waiting for an opportunity. RORY: To tell me what? LORELAI: Which apparently is right now. Okay, um, hon, listen. We, um. . .we're not buying the Dragonfly. RORY: What? LORELAI: It's just not the right time. RORY: You're crazy. It's the perfect time. LORELAI: Not really. RORY: But if you wait, someone else is gonna buy it. You said so yourself. SOOKIE: I'm gonna go, guys. Sorry to spill the beans. LORELAI: That's okay. I'll see you later. [Sookie leaves] RORY: Mom, why put it off? I mean, I know the Independence Inn closing is a setback. LORELAI: Big one. RORY: But we've got the rest of Grandpa's money, that's plenty to buy the Dragonfly Inn, and we'll just scrimp on everything until it's all up and running and successful. LORELAI: It would take a lot of scrimping. RORY: Well, I'm a master scrimper. I would make the Olympic scrimping team. I'm that good, boy. LORELAI: Honey, we didn't get financial aid for Yale. RORY: What? LORELAI: No scholarships, no hardship money, no money-off coupons, no gift certificates, nothing. RORY: I don't understand, what happened? LORELAI: Well, irony of ironies, the money I got from your grandpa took us out of the running for financial aid 'cause it made it look like we have money. RORY: Well, send them proof - a bank statement, a letter from Grandpa. Here, take a picture of this couch - no one will think we have money after looking at this couch. LORELAI: I tried everything, I swear. RORY: Why didn't you tell me this? LORELAI: With everything that's going on, finals and all your personal stuff, I didn't want you worrying. RORY: But Grandpa's money - LORELAI: Is paying for Yale. RORY: No! No way! LORELAI: Rory. RORY: I'll take a student loan out from the bank. That's what banks are for. LORELAI: Honey, I don't want you to be buried by loans the day you graduate from college. RORY: Well, then I'll major in something that'll immediately make me a lot of money when I graduate. I'll major in business or engineering. LORELAI: You are not changing your major from journalism because of my lack of money. RORY: It's our lack. LORELAI: Look, if you need to work as a low-paid intern for a magazine or a stringer for some small-town newspaper or Tom Brokaw's toupee comber-outer before you make real money, then that's what you'll do. RORY: There has to be another way. LORELAI: I've looked. There's nothing. RORY: This is so not fair to you. LORELAI: I'll have my own inn one day, I promise. But Yale comes first. [Rory starts walking to her bedroom] LORELAI: What are you gonna do now? RORY: Rail at God for awhile. LORELAI: Tell her I said hi. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai is in the living room, which is cluttered with clothes and other stuff to pack for their trip] LORELAI: Hey, what happened to our packing elves who were gonna pack our packs over night? [Rory walks into the room holding a black sweater] RORY: How about this? LORELAI: You hate the dress I made you that much? RORY: Not for graduation, for Europe. LORELAI: Oh, it's perfect. It's black so it won't show dirt or wrinkles, and if you wear it with a moody look on your face like you're thinking of Bolsheviks, they'll mistake you for Simone de Beauvoir. Pack it. RORY: It's too heavy. LORELAI: So, was that a trick question? RORY: We both need to cut weight from our packs. LORELAI: I am doing my part here. RORY: Well, you don't need five pairs of boots. LORELAI: I'll drop some boots if you drop some books. RORY: I can't drop books. LORELAI: You can't bring twelve books. RORY: You also need to cut your undergarments. Don't forget, we'll rinse in Woolite every few days. LORELAI: This is going to an uncomfortable place. RORY: And your toothpaste - you have three full tubes. LORELAI: So? RORY: Why three? LORELAI: If I lose one, I'll have another to take its place. RORY: If you're bringing three tubes of toothpaste, I am bringing twelve books plus a dictionary. LORELAI: Then I'm bringing a gallon of mercury which is one of the densest and heaviest substances known to man. RORY: I think the writing's on the wall here. LORELAI: Cancel Europe. RORY: I've gotta run. I love my graduation dress. LORELAI: I know. RORY: Hey, it's a shame about Europe being canceled, huh? LORELAI: That's okay. It's not supposed to be that great anyway, except for the cheese. RORY: Nine books for two toothpastes. LORELAI: Deal. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [The doorbell rings. Emily and Richard walk toward the door] RICHARD: Who is it, Emily? EMILY: I don't know, Richard. My x-ray vision isn't working at the moment. RICHARD: I was wondering if you were expecting somebody. EMILY: I wasn't expecting anybody. [They open the door. Rory is on the porch] EMILY: Rory. RORY: Hey Grandma, hey Grandpa. RICHARD: What brings you here on this busy day? RORY: I have sort of a time-sensitive issue I need to talk to you about. RICHARD: Time sensitive. Well, come in, come in. [they walk to the living room] EMILY: We were just getting ready for your ceremony. RICHARD: And I was just retying my tie for the third time. No matter how many times I tie a tie, there's always room for error. RORY: It's not an exact science, is it? RICHARD: Nor an art form. It's pretty much nothing. RORY: Sit down, please. RICHARD: Okay. EMILY: All right. Should we be nervous? RORY: No, you shouldn't be. I am a little. RICHARD: Well, what is it? RORY: I need money. RICHARD: You need money. RORY: For Yale. RICHARD: You need money for Yale. EMILY: Stop repeating everything she says. RICHARD: I'm sorry, I'm processing. RORY: Look, it's a long story, but no other financing came through and all of the other options that Mom and I have are just. . .well, not good enough. So here's the offer - I would like for you to loan me the money for four years at Yale, and in return I will get a part time job and pay you in installments. I will continue this payment schedule after graduation increasing the payment amounts in proportion to my income. Plus, I will reinstate Friday night dinners with me. Every Friday night, I will be here, seven o'clock on the dot. EMILY: Well, how wonderful. RICHARD: We've missed you, Rory. RORY: I've missed you, too. So this should work out for everyone, right? EMILY: Absolutely. We're happy to do it. RICHARD: Not so fast. EMILY: Richard. RICHARD: Oh, I'm happy to pay for Yale, but I don't want it to be a loan. RORY: No, I don't want that. I want it to be a loan, because otherwise it's too easy. RICHARD: Well, then here's my counteroffer. Let's make it a loan, but I insist that you not start paying it back until at least five years after you graduate. Seven years if you go for your Master's. RORY: That sounds fair, but I should pay interest. RICHARD: No. RORY: Grandpa. RICHARD: You are not going to pay me interest on this money, no way. That's a deal breaker. RORY: Okay. RICHARD: Good. EMILY: Wonderful. RICHARD: We have a deal. Listen, if journalism doesn't work out, you might consider working for me after you graduate. You've got good deal-making skills. Eye of the tiger. RORY: I'll keep that in mind. Well, I should go. EMILY: Rory, does your mother know you're here? RORY: No. This is my thing. I'll see you at the ceremony. CUT TO CHILTON COURTYARD [Lorelai and Sookie walk to the seating area] SOOKIE: Where do you wanna sit? LORELAI: Is there no special designated area for family and friends of the valedictorian? SOOKIE: Like a skybox or a velvet rope on one of the rows. LORELAI: We're the Chilton equivalent of 50 Cent's posse. Where are the boys? SOOKIE: Over there. [points to Luke and Jackson standing by the building] LORELAI: They're doing that thing guys do around fancy buildings. SOOKIE: Talk about their construction. LORELAI: The insurance costs. SOOKIE: Hey guys, get over here. LORELAI: Here's a row. Let me see, how many seats do we need? Uh, you, me, Luke, Jackson. SOOKIE: That's four. LORELAI: Plus Picklepuss and Sauerkraut. SOOKIE: Your parents make six. JACKSON: These stones have to be carved by hand. LUKE: Without the tools we have now. No electricity. JACKSON: Just pulleys and fulcrums. SOOKIE: Hey, Bob Vila, take a seat. LORELAI: Okay, we have to vow not to make fun of any of the kids because inevitably their family will be sitting right behind us just like at the play. SOOKIE: Right. Ugh, the big-eared Romeo fiasco of '98. Gotcha. [Lorelai's pager goes off] SOOKIE: Who's paging you? LORELAI: Uh, maybe there's a special surprise party for the valedictorian's mom backstage before the ceremony. SOOKIE: I bet there is. LORELAI: I'll be right back. Wow, look at the gargoyles. LUKE: What? Wow, yeah. JACKSON: Oh, now those have to be imported from Europe. LUKE: The insurance on this place must be astronomical. CUT TO INSIDE CHILTON [In the crowded cafeteria, Paris walks over to her Nanny and three young children] PARIS: Nanny, you brought the kids! Você trouxe as crianças. KIDS: Paris! PARIS: Ah, minha queride Elzira, Catarina. E olindo Enrique, Antonio Banderas. [Lorelai walks up to a student] LORELAI: Oh, excuse me. Hi, I'm looking for Rory Gilmore. She's the valedictorian. I'm her mom. [Rory walks over] RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Uh, no, wait, go away. I wanna tell a bunch of other people that I'm the valedictorian's mom and I'm looking for you. RORY: I've got good news I wanna tell you real quick. Come here. [they walk into the hallway] RORY: Okay, you ready? LORELAI: I hope so, ready for what? RORY: You're getting your inn. LORELAI: What? RORY: Go put in the bid on the Dragonfly. You've got the money now, Grandpa's money. LORELAI: What are you talking about? How do I have money? RORY: Grandma and Grandpa are paying for Yale. LORELAI: Now wait a minute. RORY: I explained the situation, they totally understand, and they're loaning me the money for Yale. LORELAI: When did they approach you about this? RORY: They didn't. I approached them. LORELAI: No. RORY: I just left them now. It's a done deal, so go make the call, put in the bid, before someone else does. LORELAI: Rory, honey, do you understand, the Gilmores do nothing altruistically. Strings are attached to everything. RORY: There are no strings. LORELAI: No strings? RORY: No. I just have to pay them back starting five years after I graduate, and I have to start going back for Friday night dinners. LORELAI: Um, hello, Pinocchio, those are strings. RORY: But it was my idea to resume the dinners, and I obligated just me. You are in no way apart of it. LORELAI: This can't happen, Rory. RORY: I don't want you to defer your dream. LORELAI: You shouldn't have done this behind my back. RORY: Mom, Yale is my thing. I needed financing, I got it. LORELAI: Oh, those people, those master manipulators. RORY: Mom, this was my idea. I'm manipulating you. LORELAI: They are manipulating you to manipulate me. RORY: How are they doing that? LORELAI: Rory, don't you see? If you go to Friday night dinners, Mom knows I'll go to just to be with you. RORY: She wasn't thinking that. LORELAI: They're getting exactly what they want. RORY: Don't you see? We're all getting exactly what we want. It's a win-win-win situation. LORELAI: It's not. RORY: It is. LORELAI: Okay, maybe, maybe it is. But just once, just once, I want you to get exactly what you want, and me to get exactly what I want, and them to get nothing. RORY: Well, we'll see if we can't arrange that sometime. But the ceremony's about to start, I better get back out there. And go buy that inn! CUT TO CHILTON COURTYARD [Lorelai walks outside and finds Emily and Richard sitting by themselves] LORELAI: Hi. EMILY: Hello. RICHARD: Oh, hi. LORELAI: Uh, didn't you see Sookie? We've got seats all saved. EMILY: Yes, but we didn't know if the whole seating issue had been resolved. LORELAI: Well, it was. Come on. RICHARD: Well, I don't remember it being fully resolved either. LORELAI: Well, it was. Come on. EMILY: We didn't know if you'd changed your mind. LORELAI: Well, I didn't. Come on. RICHARD: It wasn't crystal clear. LORELAI: Fine, just stay there. EMILY: You're not serious. LORELAI: Ah. [They walk over to the saved seats] LORELAI: Uh, Mom, Dad, you've met everyone here. Sookie, Jackson, Luke. RICHARD: Hello. JACKSON: Hi. SOOKIE: Hi. LUKE: How ya doing? RICHARD: No, uh. . .no Christopher? LORELAI: Uh, no, he's out of town, but he's having us tons of pictures and order him the official video and we may even come back and reenact the whole thing when he gets home. Now sit, relax. [they sit down] LORELAI: [quietly to Sookie] Sookie, long story short, and a partially painful story at that, and hang onto your hat, but we can now put a bid in on the Dragonfly. SOOKIE: What? Are you kidding? LORELAI: No. SOOKIE: How? What happened? LORELAI: I can't go into it now. SOOKIE: Okay, I've gotta tell you, even with the champagne and the Herb Albert, I've been depressed for days. I couldn't watch the Dating Game anymore. LORELAI: Well, that's all changed now. SOOKIE: I'll go call the attorney. You sit back and relax and enjoy the graduation. [Sookie pushes past the people in the row] SOOKIE: This will not happen again, promise. [Lorelai notices an empty chair between her and her parents] LORELAI: Uh, you're gonna have to move over one more chair to be part of the group, guys. EMILY: Oh, I thought maybe someone else was coming. LORELAI: No. RICHARD: You sure? LORELAI: Yes. EMILY: Because if there is, it would be awkward to move during the ceremony. LORELAI: Yes, I know what awkward is. [Emily and Richard move over; Emily sighs.] LORELAI: What Mom? EMILY: Nothing. That man in front of me is extraordinarily tall, don't you think? CUT TO THE CEREMONY STARTING [The students file out of the school and take their seats. As Rory and Paris sit down, Paris waves to her Nanny and the kids] PARIS: [to Rory] The middle one, Catarina, she bowled a 143 last week. RORY: Impressive. [Sookie pushes past several people in the row to get back to her chair] SOOKIE: Sorry. I was here before a lot of you, it just looks like I'm late. Appearances can be deceiving. So sorry. [to Lorelai] Real estate agent wasn't in, so I left a message. LORELAI: Rats. SOOKIE: Did Rory walk in? LORELAI: Yeah, first row. Right in front of the kid with the humongous. . .uh, the really cute kid. SOOKIE: Darn, I wanted to get a picture of her walking in. I'll get some of her in her seat. [Sookie pushes past the row of people again] SOOKIE: Excuse me. Sorry. I'm not, I'm not like this. Today I am. I'm with the valedictorian, so. . . HEADMASTER: Invited guests, fellow faculty, honored attendees and students, welcome to the Chilton Academy graduating class ceremony of 2003. [applause] This year's class is a distinguished assemblage, equal to or surpassing what has proceeded it. In its 200-year history, Chilton has not failed to produce a class that brings only honor to these grounds and to the academy's fine traditions. To begin, I would like to invite the student body president Paris Gellar to lead us in the Pledge of Allegiance. Paris? PARIS: [to Rory] As his parting shot to me, Charleston never responded to the three aspects of the pledge that I had an objection to and considered rewriting. That's not going to stop me from using air quotes. [cut to later in the ceremony] BRAD: [at podium] Through good times and bad, Chilton formed us, brought us hope, honed our insight, gave us encouragement. Though my time here was briefly interrupted by my period spent on Broadway hanging out with Stephen Sondheim, I still consider Chilton the most rewarding experience of my young life. Now it had always been my plan in closing to recite a short poem I'd written. LOUISE: But you reconsidered. MADELINE: Come on, Brad. Go out a winner. BRAD: But as I read it aloud, I realized the sentiments I wanted to share with my fellow students were better expressed in a favorite song of mine. [sings] Cherish is the word I use to describe. . .bong, bong. Bong, bong. RORY: Oh, Brad. BRAD: All the feelings that I have hiding here for you inside, bong, bong, bong. You don't know how many times I've wished that I had told you. . . [cut to later in the ceremony] HEADMASTER: It's a distinct pleasure for me to introduce to you our valedictorian. This young lady was a second-year transfer from a modest school where she distinguished herself immeasurably. She is humble, hard working, competitive when need be, and unparalleled in her academic achievements. Ladies and Gentlemen, Rory Gilmore. [applause; Rory walks up on stage] SOOKIE: Not crying, right? LORELAI: Not crying. Keeping our cool so we don't miss anything. SOOKIE: Tears get in your eyes. LORELAI: Then you miss things. SOOKIE: So we're not crying. LORELAI: Not crying. SOOKIE: Not crying. JACKSON: Not crying. Not crying. LUKE: What? LORELAI: No crying. LUKE: I'm not crying. RORY: Headmaster Charleston, faculty members, fellow students, family and friends, welcome. We never thought this day would come. We prayed for its quick delivery, crossed days off our calendars, counted hours, minutes, and seconds, and now that it's here, I'm sorry it is because it means leaving friends who inspire me and teachers who have been my mentors - so many people who have shaped my life and my fellow students' lives impermeably and forever. I live in two worlds. One is a world of books. I've been a resident of Faulkner's Yoknapatawpha County, hunted the white whale aboard the Pequod, fought alongside Napoleon, sailed a raft with Huck and Jim, committed absurdities with Ignatius J. Reilly, rode a sad train with Anna Karenina, and strolled down Swann's Way. It's a rewarding world, but my second one is by far superior. My second one is populated with characters slightly less eccentric but supremely real, made of flesh and bone, full of love, who are my ultimate inspiration for everything. Richard and Emily Gilmore are kind, decent, unfailingly generous people. They are my twin pillars without whom I could not stand. I am proud to be their grandchild. But my ultimate inspiration comes from my best friend, the dazzling woman from whom I received my name and my life's blood, Lorelai Gilmore. SOOKIE: Uh oh. LORELAI: Hang in there. RORY: My mother never gave me any idea that I couldn't do whatever I wanted to do or be whomever I wanted to be. She filled our house with love and fun and books and music, unflagging in her efforts to give me role models from Jane Austen to Eudora Welty to Patti Smith. As she guided me through these incredible eighteen years, I don't know if she ever realized that the person I most wanted to be was her. SOOKIE: Not crying. LORELAI: Crying a little. SOOKIE: Crying a little, but not blubbering. That's what we meant when we said no crying, no blubbering. RORY: Thank you, Mom. You are my guidepost for everything. SOOKIE: On the verge of blubbering here. JACKSON: Not doing too well myself. LORELAI: Not you, too. LUKE: I'm blubbering, you're freaks. RORY: As we prepare ourselves today to leave. . . CUT TO LATER IN THE CEREMONY [Rory and Paris are in line for their diplomas] ANNOUNCER: Allegra Grace Fass. PARIS: I swear, I do not recognize half of these people. [to girl in front of her] Hey. What's your name, what's your story? [cut to the audience] EMILY: Where is she, do you see her? LORELAI: She's the one in the robe. EMILY: Lorelai, please. LORELAI: She's lost in a sea of blue polyester, Mom. I couldn't point her out if I wanted to. JACKSON: Richard, how much to insure all this? RICHARD: Well, the insurance is probably not prohibitive, but the deductibles would be enormous. Well into six figures. LUKE: Six figures? JACKSON: That's like having no insurance at all. LUKE: So if there was a fire - LORELAI: Guys, please stop assessing the value of the building and pay attention. Rory's coming up. RICHARD: Ooh, ooh, sorry. SOOKIE: I wanna get a closer shot of her getting her diploma. [Sookie pushes past several people in the row] SOOKIE: Ooh, sorry, sorry, I suck, I'm sorry. ANNOUNCER: Paris Eustace Gellar. PARIS: Finally, a name I recognize. [Paris walks on stage and receives her diploma] HEADMASTER: Congratulations, Paris. PARIS: No hard feelings. HEADMASTER: Okay. ANNOUNCER: Lorelai Leigh Gilmore. LORELAI: This is it. EMILY: She looks so solemn. RICHARD: Like a Gilmore. [Rory walks on stage and receives her diploma] HEADMASTER: Congratulations, Rory. RORY: Thank you, Headmaster. ANNOUNCER: Diana Christine Godby. [As Rory walks across the stage, she and Lorelai make faces at each other] EMILY: Lorelai, really. LORELAI: I taught her everything I know. [Sookie returns to her seat] SOOKIE: Honest to God, last time. Sorry. [she sits down and whispers something to Lorelai] LORELAI: Oh my God. Uh, uh, I, I need a pen. I don't have a pen. Luke, give me your pen. LUKE: I don't have a pen. LORELAI: Where's the pen you take orders with? LUKE: You have got to stop assuming that I take pens with me everywhere I go. RICHARD: [handing Lorelai a pen] Never be without a pen. LORELAI: Thank you, Dad. [Lorelai writes "We got the inn!" on the graduation program and holds it up to show Rory. They smile and make faces at each other.] EMILY: Really, Lorelai, how many more times are you gonna do that? LORELAI: I think about six. [cut to later in the ceremony] HEADMASTER: Class of 2003, give yourself a hand! [applause] CUT TO THE COURTYARD [Rory walks over to Lorelai and Luke] RORY: How was my speech? LORELAI: It made everyone cry, including stone cold Luke. RORY: Luke, you old softy. LUKE: I will never live this down. LORELAI: Not with me in your life. LUKE: I gotta go, I gotta get back to the diner. RORY: Thanks for coming, Luke. LUKE: Oh, sure. The building's amazing. So are you. RORY: Thanks. [Rory walks away] LORELAI: It really was great of you to come, Luke. It meant a lot to her. LUKE: It was fun. LORELAI: So if I don't see you, have fun on your trip with Nicole. LUKE: Oh, we may not go now. LORELAI: What? You were really looking forward to it. LUKE: I don't know if the timing's right and. . .things are kinda weird right now. LORELAI: Oh no. LUKE: What? LORELAI: It's because I teased you about the commitment thing and proposing. I ruined it. LUKE: No, that's not it. LORELAI: Please, promise me that's not it. It would break my heart. LUKE: But you weren't wrong about that. It got me thinking and it is kind of like committing to her. LORELAI: So? LUKE: I don't wanna lead her on. LORELAI: But you like her, Luke. You like her a lot, don't you? LUKE: Yeah, she's great. LORELAI: Then go. No matter what she's reading into it. LUKE: Really? You think that's okay considering. . .I don't know. . .everything? LORELAI: Yeah, I do. LUKE: Oh, okay. I'll probably go then. LORELAI: Good. LUKE: I guess I was just nervous about nothing. LORELAI: That's what I think, too. LUKE: I'll see ya in a couple months. LORELAI: Yeah, I'll see you then. [Paris walks up to Rory] PARIS: I guess we should say our goodbyes. Nanny made me a special dinner. She makes a mean farturas. RORY: Well, good, I'm glad you found me. I wanted to say goodbye, too. PARIS: Good. Well, good luck. RORY: You know, it's weird, most of the time I really hated you. PARIS: Yeah, I really hated you, too. [They hug. Paris walks away. Lorelai, Emily, and Richard walk over] LORELAI: Hey. RICHARD: Well, I think it might be time to present Rory with her graduation gift. RORY: Oh, you guys didn't have to get me anything. EMILY: Nonsense. RICHARD: Uh, this one wouldn't fit in an envelope, so follow me please. EMILY: We're really excited about this one. LORELAI: So am I. EMILY: Good. [they walk toward the parking lot] RICHARD: Rory, there is your gift. It's the one with the bow. RORY: Um, Grandpa. EMILY: Richard. [the parking lot is filled with cars with bows on them] RICHARD: Oh, for Pete's sake. Well, it was the only one there when I drove it up. EMILY: You should've put a more distinctive bow on it. RICHARD: Well, how was I supposed to know that every kid at Chilton was getting a car? RORY: You got me a car? RICHARD: We got you a car. RORY: That's amazing. Thank you. Thank you. Which one is it? LORELAI: Or did you get her one for every day of the week like the underwear? RICHARD: We got her one car. It's a little Prius. It's safe, it gets great gas mileage. EMILY: And it's the one that Leonardo DiCaprio drives. RORY: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you guys. EMILY: We love you, too. RICHARD: And don't forget to call about - RORY: Insurance. I'll do it the second I get home. RICHARD: Good. Congratulations, Rory. And thank you for your speech. RORY: You're welcome. I meant it, thank you for everything. EMILY: Have fun in Europe. Both of you. LORELAI: Thank you, Mom. EMILY: When do you get back? LORELAI: The 27th. EMILY: Terrific. We'll see you that Friday for dinner. [Emily and Richard leave. Lorelai and Rory walk back toward the school building] LORELAI: Explain the win-win-win thing again. RORY: Everybody wins, that's what it is. LORELAI: Hm. [Rory's cell phone rings] RORY: Hello? Hello? LORELAI: A hang up? RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: You're getting a lot of those lately. [phone rings again] RORY: Hello? Hello? [Lorelai waits outside as Rory takes the phone into the school] RORY: Jess, is that you? Jess, I'm pretty sure it's you and I'm pretty sure you've been calling and not saying anything but wanna say something. Hello? You're not going to talk? Fine, I'll talk. You didn't handle things right at all. You could've talked to me. You could've told me that you were having trouble in school and weren't going to graduate, and that your dad had been there, but you didn't. And you ended up not taking me to my prom and not coming to my graduation and leaving again without saying goodbye again, and that's fine, I get it, but that's it for me. I'm going to Europe tomorrow and I'm going to Yale and I'm moving on. And I'm not going to pine. I hope you didn't think I was going to pine, okay? I think. . .I think I may have loved you, but I just need to let it go. So, that's it, I guess. Um, I hope you're good. I want you to be good, and, um, okay, so, goodbye. That word sounds really lame and stupid right now, but there it is. Goodbye. [Rory hangs up; in California, Jess hangs up a payphone and walks down the street] [Lorelai walks into the school] LORELAI: Hey. You okay? RORY: I'm okay. LORELAI: Come on. RORY: But Sookie and Jackson are out that way. LORELAI: I wanna go back a different way, come on. RORY: I thought we were going home. LORELAI: I just wanna make one more stop before we do. CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Luke is cleaning up the tables as Lorelai walks in] LORELAI: Hey, Luke. LUKE: Lorelai, hi. Where's Rory? LORELAI: Oh, out in the car. LUKE: Oh. It was a really nice ceremony, wasn't it? LORELAI: Yeah, it was beautiful. LUKE: What's up? LORELAI: I just wanted to say something to you in case we don't see each other before you go on your trip. LUKE: Sure, what? LORELAI: Don't get engaged. LUKE: What, why? [Lorelai turns to leave] LUKE: Lorelai? [Lorelai leaves the diner as Luke stares after her] CUT TO LUKE'S APARTMENT [Luke wakes up from his dream] CUT TO CHILTON [Lorelai and Rory rush down a hallway] RORY: Mom, wait. LORELAI: Hurry, hurry. RORY: This outfit produces a lot of wind resistance. [they stop at the bottom of the staircase] LORELAI: Okay. RORY: What are we doing? LORELAI: Leaving our mark. Got a knife? RORY: A knife? For what? LORELAI: Carving our initials. Come on, knife, knife. RORY: Uh, like the switchblade I keep in my sock? No, I left it at home. LORELAI: I must have something in here. [looks through her purse] Ah, safety pin, perfect. RORY: We can't do this. LORELAI: Yes, we can. People need to know we were here. RORY: I'm in the yearbook. LORELAI: How about the wall? RORY: No, that's too out in the open. They'll trace it back to us. LORELAI: They'll see LG and RG and figure out it was us? RORY: They're are no dorks here. LORELAI: Somewhere in the floor? RORY: This marble is two hundred years old. Harriet Beecher Stowe walked on this marble. LORELAI: Oh, the banister. RORY: Was donated by Robert Frost. LORELAI: The sconce. RORY: Was ceremonially lit for the first time by Thomas Edison. LORELAI: Geez, is there anything in this whole room that some famous dead person didn't have something to do with. [they hear some people walking by] LORELAI: Ooh, cool it, cool it. And this is some very interesting architectural do-dads and hoo-ha's. RORY: And wingdings and tum-tum's. LORELAI: That was close. RORY: Look, just carve it really tiny here on the baseboard of the wall, and do it reversed, so GL and GR. LORELAI: Oh, maybe it's not such a good idea. RORY: The madness passes. [Sookie opens the door at the top of the staircase] SOOKIE: Hey, you guys coming? Party at your place, right? RORY: Party? LORELAI: Just a little gathering. RORY: Cool. LORELAI: We'll meet you back at our house. SOOKIE: Okay, see you there. [leaves] [Lorelai and Rory start walking up the stairs] LORELAI: Wait, wait. Look around for a second. Notice? RORY: Notice what? LORELAI: It's not so scary anymore. RORY: No, it's not.

Plan: A: the Dragonfly Inn; Q: What is the name of the inn that Lorelai wants to buy? A: Yale; Q: What college did Rory's mother want to go to? A: matters; Q: Rory decides to take what into her own hands? A: her grandparents; Q: Who does Rory visit right before graduation? A: Lorelai; Q: Who tells Luke something that makes him have second thoughts about a trip with Nicole? A: Jess; Q: Who makes silent contact with Rory after her graduation ceremony from Chilton? Summary: Rory finally learns her mother can't afford to buy the Dragonfly Inn since financial aid for Yale didn't come through. She decides to take matters into her own hands with a quick visit to her grandparents right before graduation. Luke has second thoughts about a trip with Nicole after something Lorelai tells him. Jess makes silent contact with Rory after her graduation ceremony from Chilton.

Clarke: I was born in space. I've never felt the sun on my face, or breathed real air, or floated in the water. None of us have. For three generations, The Ark has kept what's left of the human race alive, but now our home is dying, and we are the last hope of mankind. A hundred prisoners sent on a desperate mission to the ground. Each of us is here because we broke the law. On the ground, there is no law. All we have to do is survive. But we will be tested, by the Earth, by the secrets it hides, and most of all, by each other. [PREVIOUSLY_ON] Abby: The Ark is dying, Raven. I have to prove that earth is survivable. We have nine days to get this ready, so I can survive a drop. Murphy: You know, my father, he begged for mercy, when your father floated him. This is for my father. Clarke: You're Charlotte, right? It's okay to be scared. Do you want to talk about it? Charlotte: It's my parents. They were floated, and I see it in my dreams. Bellamy: No! Wake up, Charlotte. Does it happen often? Slay your demons, kid. Then you'll be able to sleep. You shouldn't be out here alone. What if I was a Grounder? Finn: They got Wells just outside the wall. Clarke: Says the guy who just spent another night exploring the woods all by himself. Finn: But I'm reckless. And irresponsible. I got you something. Clarke: Where did you get this? finn: The art supply store. Clarke: I know when we were kids... Wells was always giving me ink, charcoal, just anything I could draw with, really. I found out later that he was trading his own stuff to give it to me. He didn't want me to know that, either. He let me hate him so that I wouldn't hate my mother. Finn: I know. Clarke: My mother killed my father. Just wish there was something I could do. To tell her I know. Make her feel what I'm... Finn: Where are you going? Clarke: To make her feel it. Abby: No! No. No. Hell no. No. No. Th... this isn't right. Jackson: Abby. Abby: No. Jackson: Abby. Abby: Okay. It's not conclusive. Just because her wristband went out doesn't mean... okay. It's the first terminated signal in over a week. We can still assume that things are stabilizing on Earth. We should assume that. I need an analysis of Clarke's vital signs for the past two days. Jackson: Abby... Abby: Just have it ready for me when I get back. Monty: Yes! I did it. It's still operational. Clarke: What? Monty needed a working wristband. Finn: And you needed to punish your mother. Clarke: Look, they're running out of air, and we need their help. My mother thinking I'm dead is only temporary. Monty: Not if I can't patch it through the dropship mainframe. I can do it. We'll be talking to The Ark by nightfall. Murphy: This section should be finished by tomorrow. Hey! You think the Grounders are just gonna sit around, and wait for us to finish the wall? Maybe we should let the little girl do the lifting for you, huh? Connor: I just need some water, okay? Then I'll be fine. Bellamy: Murphy, get this guy some water. Hey, you got this? I'm just kidding. Connor: Uhh! What the hell is wrong with you, Murphy? Murphy: Look at you! You wanted a water break. Get back to work. Octavia: Look, we're already there. Just a few steps, okay? One foot in front of the other. Hey. What's wrong? Jasper: Hmm? Oh, nothing. I'm good. Octavia: Jasper, it's been a week, okay? You've been given a second chance. You gotta use it. Jasper: Octavia? Octavia? Octavia! Octavia, are you okay? Octavia: Hey, jerk! Get the hell out of here. Jasper, come on. There's nothing to be afraid of. Kane: Councillor. Councillor. Are you headed to Mecha Station? Abby: Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. Kane: You've been down there nine times in the past week. Is there something I should be made aware of? Abby: Are you tracking me, Kane? Kane: I'm tracking everybody, Abby. Mind if I join you? Abby: Not at all. But you're gonna have to be inoculated. Kane: Inoculated? Abby: A mechanic came down with strep last week. She's fine now, but I'm still checking the bacterial levels in the station. We don't want another outbreak. We can stop by sick bay on the way. Kane: That's all right. I don't want to slow you down. Just... keep me informed. Abby: Absolutely. How soon can you get this thing ready to drop? Raven: I'm still scraping up parts to fabricate a pressure regulator. We got two more days, right? Abby: Can we launch without that part? Raven: We could launch, but we'll be dead before we get to the ground. And I mean bad dead. Ruptured lungs, air bubbles in the brain. We need that part. Why? What's wrong? Did something change? Abby: Clarke's wristband signal went out. Raven: Yeah, but that doesn't mean anything, right? She took it off like the rest of them. Okay. I can get a pressure regulator. Today. Abby: How? Raven: The less you know, the better. Clarke: This knife was made of metal from the dropship. Octavia: What do you mean? Clarke: Who else knows about this? Octavia: No one. We brought it straight here. Bellamy: Clarke? Clarke: It means the Grounders didn't kill Wells. It was one of us. Octavia: So, there's a murderer in the camp? Bellamy: There's more than one murderer in this camp. This isn't news. We need to keep it quiet. Clarke: Get out of my way, Bellamy. Bellamy: Clarke, be smart about this. Look at what we've achieved... the wall, the patrols. Like it or not, thinking the Grounders killed Wells is good for us. Clarke: Oh, good for you, you mean. What... keep people afraid and they'll work for you? Is that it? Bellamy: Yeah. That's it. But it's good for all of us. Fear of the Grounders is building that wall. And besides, what are you gonna do... just walk out there and ask the killer to step forward? You don't even know whose knife that is. Clarke: Oh, really? J.M. John Murphy. The people have a right to know. Murphy: No water till this section is up! What? What are you staring at, huh? Clarke: You son of a bitch! Murphy: What's your problem? Clarke: Recognize this? Murphy: It's my knife. Where'd you find it? Clarke: Where you dropped it after you killed Wells. Murphy: Where I what? The Grounders killed Wells, not me. Clarke: I know what you did, and you're gonna pay for it. Murphy: Really? Bellamy, you really believe this crap? Clarke: You threatened to kill him. We all heard you. You hated Wells. Murphy: Plenty of people hated Wells. His father was the Chancellor that locked us up. Clarke: Yeah, but you're the only one who got in a knife fight with him. Murphy: Yeah, I didn't kill him then, either. Octavia: Tried to kill Jasper, too. Murphy: Come on. This is ridiculous. I don't have to answer to you. I don't have to answer to anyone. Bellamy: Come again? Murphy: Bellamy, look, I'm telling you, man. I didn't do this. Bellamy: They found his fingers on the ground with your knife. Clarke: Is this the kind of society that we want? You say there should be no rules. Does that mean that we can kill each other without... without punishment? Murphy: I already told you. I didn't kill anyone. Octavia: I say we float him. Delinquents: Yeah. Clarke: That's not what I'm saying. Octavia: Why not? He deserves to float. It's justice. Clarke: Revenge isn't justice. Octavia: It's justice. Float him! Clarke: No! Get off him! Get off of him! Let him go! You can't do this! Get off me. No! No! You can stop this! They'll listen to you! Myles-: Bellamy! You should do it. Delinquents: Bel-la-my! Clarke: I saw you in the woods with Atom. I know you're not a killer. Murphy: Bellamy, don't do this. Don't... Clarke: Don't. Bellamy. You can't do this, Bellamy. No, Bellamy, no! Bellamy: This is on you, princess. You should've kept your mouth shut. Clarke: What the hell are you doing? Cut him down! Charlotte, get out of here now! Cut him down! Get out of my way. Charlotte: Stop! Okay? Murphy didn't kill Wells! I did! Clarke: Oh, my God. Guard: It's not meal time yet. Raven: I'm not hungry. I'm here to trade. Before you tell me I'm in the wrong place, just let Nygel know it's her little bird. Nygel: Well, well, well. How long has it been, little bird? Raven: I need a pressure regulator. Nygel: What for? Raven: Regulating pressure. Nygel: That's good. I see you got your mom's sense of humor. Raven: What do you want for it? Nygel: Oh, I don't move machine parts anymore. It's too dangerous. How about settling for some herb and moonshine like everybody else? Raven: Save the act for someone who doesn't know better. Just tell me what it's gonna take. Nygel: I owe a favor to the chief of electrical, and he's got a thing for tough, pretty girls like you. Raven: You're joking, right? Nygel: I never joke about business, Raven. Kane's watching my every move, so, if I'm gonna do this, you're gonna need to make it worth my while. Raven: By screwing the chief of electrical? I can't do that. Nygel: Then I guess you don't need to regulate pressure as badly as you thought you did. Raven: Go float yourself, Nygel. Nygel: You know, your mother would've taken that deal. In fact, she did. Many times. Raven: Don't you dare talk about my mother that way! Nygel: Little girl. Raven: No! I'll float you, Nygel! Get off me! Nygel: Bye, little bird! [SCENE_BREAK] Murphy: Bring out the girl, Bellamy! Bellamy: Why, Charlotte? Charlotte: I was just trying to slay my demons, like you told me. Clarke: What the hell is she talking about? Bellamy: She misunderstood me. Charlotte, that is not what I meant. Murphy: Bring the girl out now! Charlotte: Please don't let them hurt me. Bellamy: If you guys have any bright ideas, speak up. Now you stay quiet. Clarke: Those are your boys out there. Bellamy: This is not my fault. If she had listened to me, those idiots would still be building the wall. Murphy: You want to build a society, princess? Let's build a society. Bring her out. Charlotte: No! Please, Bellamy. Bellamy: Charlotte, hey, it's gonna be okay. Just stay with them. Murphy: Well, well, well. Look who decided to join us. Bellamy: Dial it down and back off. Murphy: Or what? What are you gonna do about me? Hang me? Bellamy: I was just giving the people what they wanted. Murphy: Yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea. Why don't we do that right now? So, who here wants to see the real murderer hung up? All in favor?? I see. So, it's okay to string me up for nothing, but when this little bitch confesses, you all let her walk? Cowards! All of you are cowards! Bellamy: Hey, Murphy! Murphy. It's over. Murphy: Whatever you say, boss. Son of a bitch! Hey! Come on. Let's get the girl. Charlotte! Charlotte, I know you can hear me! And when I find you, you are gonna pay! Come on. Abby: I'll be right back. Raven: All those people out there? Abby: Oxygen deprivation. It's just the beginning. Why are you here? Raven: I messed up. I can't get the part. Nygel wants me to... Abby: You went to Nygel? Raven: Yeah. Abby: Kane's been trying to get her for years. Did anybody see you? Raven: I don't know. No. Abby, I'm trying to tell you. We can't launch today. Abby: Are you sure Nygel has the part? Raven: She can get one, yeah. Abby: Okay. I'll take care of it. Raven: What are you gonna do? Abby: The less you know, the better. Nygel: Hello, Dr. Griffin. Abby: Nygel. Nygel: Morphine. What do you want for it? Abby: Pressure regulator. Nygel: I underestimated Raven. How does a girl like that get such a well-connected benefactor? Abby: You have three seconds to decide. Do we have a deal or not? Female Voice: Attention. The mess hall will be closed tomorrow from 1100 hours to 1200 hours. Clarke: It's gonna be night soon, Finn. Where are we going? At least tell me you have a plan and we're not just wandering aimlessly through the woods. Finn: I have a plan. Clarke: What the hell do you think you're doing? Just because we saved you doesn't mean you're forgiven. Got it? Finn: Clarke. Clarke: What? Finn: She's just a kid. Clarke: She's a killer. You killed someone, Charlotte. Ended his life. Did you stop to think about that for even one second? Look at me! You can't just kill someone to make yourself feel better. Murphy: Charlotte! Clarke and Finn can't save you. Clarke: We should run. Finn: Yeah, that's one way to go. I like my plan better. Get in. Get in. Clarke: Finn, what is this place? Finn: For now, it's home. Clarke: I can't believe you kept this place quiet. Finn: Come on, Clarke. What would be the point of telling anybody? Clarke: Some of this stuff could be useful. Finn: Like what? There's no weapons. All the food expired, like, ninety years ago. Clarke: Yeah, but we could repurpose. Share with the group. You can share this with the group if you'd like. Finn: What'd you find? Clarke: Well... Looks like they never made it here. No. I figure the bombs took them by surprise. Finn: All this preparation. What a waste. Clarke: I don't know. Maybe they were lucky. They couldn't have lived more than a few years down here, then when they ran out of food or lost their minds, they would've opened the doors and been dead within a few days. Back then, maybe sooner. Anyway. What are we gonna do about her? If I hadn't confronted Murphy, none of this would have happened. Finn: How could you know it'd go down like that? Clarke: Bellamy knew. We think the Grounders are a threat. Now we're killing each other. There have to be consequences. We can't just let them hang people. Finn: No. Hopefully, we figure it out before Murphy kills us for helping her. Clarke: He's not the forgive and forget type. Raven: How did you... Abby: Don't worry about it. How fast can you install it? Raven: I don't know. A few hours, maybe. Abby: We may not have that much time. Raven: I'm on it. Vera: Our ancestors built this Ark to be our salvation, but it's also our test. But we endure because we have faith. Faith that one day, generations from now, our people will return to the ground. Are you here to join us? Nygel: He's here to see me, Vera. Go on with your mumbo-jumbo. Your mother's inspired today, Marcus. I remember when you were the tender of the tree. You were a cute kid. Vera: Let's begin the offering. Kane: Why did you bring me down here, Nygel? What do you want? Nygel: It's about what you want. I have something for you. Kane: Unless it's a signed confession, I'm not interested. Nygel: Not even if it involves your friend Abby Griffin? Kane: What about Abby? Nygel: She and a girl named Raven Reyes asked me to get them a pressure regulator. As a lowly culinary tech, I didn't feel I had a choice when one of your fellow Councilors asked me to help her break the law. Kane: And since when do you give up your customers? Nygel: I don't have customers, Marcus. I am a citizen of The Ark, and I don't believe anyone should be above the law. Do you? Kane: You're a plague on this ship, Nygel. And even if what you said is true, it's your word against a member of the Council, and who do you think the people will believe? Nygel: You know... you should thank me. With Abby out the way, your agenda should sail right through. Kane: I don't know what you're talking about. Nygel: You're almost as convincing as your mother. Vera: As the Earth will one day provide for us, so we provide for the Earth. Nygel: Waste of water if you ask me. Kane: Not to them. Clarke: Finn. Finn, wake up. She's gone. Murphy: Charlotte! You can't hide forever. Don't worry. We won't hurt you. Charlotte: Let me go! Bellamy: I'm trying... hey, hey. I'm trying to help you. Charlotte: I'm not your sister! Just stop helping me! I'm over here! Bellamy: Are you trying to get us both killed? Charlotte: Just go, okay? I'm the one they want. Bellamy: Okay, Charlotte, listen to me. I won't leave you. Charlotte: Please, Bellamy. Aah! Murphy! I'm over here! Murphy: Come on out, Charlotte! Come on out. Finn: Someone else was here. Clarke: No, no! Murphy! Finn: Murphy has her. Raven: Abby, how about I pace in the operating room next time you're working? Jackson: Abby, did you take morphine from the clinic? Abby: They inventoried already? Jackson: No. Kane was just here. He's on his way to Mecha to arrest both of you right now. You gave Nygel morphine? Abby: She turned me in. How much longer? Raven: Twenty minutes. Abby: They're gonna be here in five. No matter what happens, you launch that pod. Do you understand? Raven: I'm not going without you. Abby: Only one of us needs to get to the ground, Raven. The second you find those kids, you radio back. Three hundred innocent people will die if you don't. Raven: Abby, they'll float you. Abby: Then they'll float me. Tell Clarke I love her. Murphy: Charlotte! Charlotte: Put me down! Murphy: Charlotte! Damn it. Bellamy! You cannot fight all of us. Give her up. Bellamy: Maybe not, but I guarantee I'll take a few of you with me. Clarke: Bellamy! Stop! This has gone too far. Just calm down. We'll talk about this. Murphy: I'm sick of listening to you talk. Bellamy: Let her go. Murphy: I will slit her throat. Charlotte: No, please. Please don't hurt her. Murphy: Don't hurt her? Okay, I'll make you a deal. You come with me right now, I will let her go. Bellamy: Don't do it, Charlotte. Don't do it, Charlotte! Charlotte: No! No, I have to! Murphy, this is not happening. I can't let any of you get hurt anymore. Not because of me. Not after what I did. Clarke: Charlotte! No! No, no, no! No! Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy, stop! You'll kill him! Bellamy: Get off me! Uhh! He deserves to die. Clarke: No! We don't decide who lives and dies. Not down here. Bellamy: So help me God, if you say the people have a right to decide... Clarke: No, I was wrong before, okay? You were right. Sometimes it's dangerous to tell people the truth. But if we're gonna survive down here, we can't just live by whatever the hell we want. We need rules. Bellamy: And who makes those rules, huh? You? Clarke: For now, we make the rules. Okay? Bellamy: So, what, then? We just take him back and pretend like it never happened? Clarke: No! We banish him. Bellamy: Get up. Clarke: Bellamy! Stop! Bellamy: If I ever catch you near camp, we'll be back here. Understand? As for the four of you, you can come back and follow me, or go off with him to die. Your choice. Raven: Come on, come on! No! Damn it! She gave us a bad part. Kane: I'm hoping... there's a logical explanation for all this. Abby: My daughter. Kane: I know. I'm sorry. We all knew it was a long shot. Abby: I still believe. Kane: What's the pressure regulator for, Abby? There's no bacteria, is there? Your infected mechanic... Raven Reyes. What's she up to? Did you know that her boyfriend Finn Collins... was one of the hundred? Your obsession... is now gonna get her floated, too. If you don't tell me what you're up to... I won't be able to save her. Abby: You still don't understand. I'm trying to save all of us. Kane: Arrest her. Continue to search for Raven Reyes. Guard: Sir. What was that? Sir, a pod launched. Kane: Abby... what have you done? Clarke: We have to know the truth. That's why we've decided to banish... Anybody got a problem with that? Jasper: Will we be able to talk to them? Monty: No. More like morse code. You want to do the honors?? That port right there. Octavia: What the hell? Jasper: What happened? Monty: It didn't work. I think we fried all the wristbands. Jasper: Sit there at your own risk. I think I might be cursed. Octavia: Then call me a risk taker. And Jasper, you're not cursed. Jasper: I'm unlucky then. Octavia: No. Brave. Jasper: Brave? For getting my face bashed in or for ruining any chance to contact The Ark? Octavia: No, for standing up to a bully and trying to help everyone. Jasper: Yeah. And failing. Both times. Octavia: I didn't see anyone else step up. Did you? And I don't care how things turned out. You were brave to try. And bravery is always rewarded. Clarke: Finn! Finn, stop it! Calm down! Finn: We're dead to them! Don't you get that? Clarke: No, there's still hope. Finn: Even you don't believe that. It's over, Clarke. They're gonna die up there, and we're alone. Clarke: You're not alone.

Plan: A: Monty attempts; Q: Who accidentally fries all of the wristbands? A: The Ark. Octavia; Q: Who does Monty try to contact with the wristbands? A: two fingers; Q: How many fingers were found with Murphy's knife? A: Clarke; Q: Who publicly accuses Murphy? A: Charlotte; Q: Who jumps off a cliff and commits suicide? A: camp; Q: Where does Charlotte flee from? A: Finn; Q: Who runs to the bunker in frustration? A: a bunker; Q: Where do Clarke, Finn, and Charlotte take refuge? A: a revenge-seeking Murphy; Q: Who is pursuing Clarke and Finn? A: Bellamy; Q: Who intercepts Charlotte when she tries to turn herself in? A: The whole group; Q: Who ends up at a dead-end cliff? A: a dead-end cliff; Q: Where does the group end up? A: a strong leadership front; Q: What does the incident with Charlotte bring Clarke and Bellamy together as? A: a pressure regulator; Q: What do Abby and Raven go to great lengths to acquire? A: Kane; Q: Who has Abby arrested? A: Raven launches; Q: Who launches off The Ark alone? A: the atmosphere; Q: Where does Raven prepare to enter? Summary: Monty attempts to use the wristbands to contact The Ark. Octavia and Jasper discover Murphy's knife outside the wall with two fingers, which are Wells'. Clarke publicly accuses Murphy, inciting a mob that begins hanging him. Overwhelmed, Charlotte confesses and Murphy is cut down. Charlotte flees camp with Clarke and Finn, and they take refuge in a bunker, pursued by a revenge-seeking Murphy. Feeling guilty, Charlotte attempts to turn herself in, but Bellamy intercepts her. The whole group ends up at a dead-end cliff where Charlotte jumps off and commits suicide, and Bellamy banishes Murphy; the incident brings the formerly feuding Clarke and Bellamy together as a strong leadership front for the 100. Monty accidentally fries all of the wristbands. Finn runs to the bunker in frustration, Clarke follows, and they have sex. On The Ark, Abby and Raven go to great lengths to acquire a pressure regulator , but Kane finds out and has Abby arrested. Raven launches off The Ark alone and prepares to enter the atmosphere.

Teleplay by: Michael Curtis Story by: Seth Kurland [Scene: Central Perk, the gang is there, Phoebe is returning from the bathroom.] Phoebe: (angrily) That's like the tenth time I've peed since I've been here! Monica: That's also like the tenth time you told us. Phoebe: Yeah, oh I'm sorry, it must be really hard to hear! I tell ya, it's a lot easier having three babies play Bringing in the Noise, Bringing in da Funk on your bladder! I'm so sick of being pregnant! The only happiness I get is from a cup of coffee, which of course is decaf, 'cause-Oh! I'm pregnant! Ross: Pheebs, did...you want a cookie? Phoebe: (starting to cry) Thank you so much. Rachel: So uh, Pheebs, honey, how are those mood swings coming? Phoebe: I haven't really had any yet. (Monica, Joey, and Chandler all shake their heads.) OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are there as Ross enters.] Ross: Hey guys! Chandler: Hey. Joey: Hey! Ross: All right, here's the ring. (Shows Chandler the wedding ring he plans on giving Emily) Chandler: (shocked) Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes! Ross: So uh, any ideas for the bachelor party yet? Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Before you start handing out wedding rings and planning bachelor parties, don't you have to decide who your best man is gonna be? Chandler: Oh, it's awkward. It's awkward. It's awkward. Ross: I sort've already asked Chandler. Joey: What?! He got to do it at your first wedding! Ross: Joey, I figured you'd understand. I mean, I-I've known him a lot longer. Joey: Come on Ross! Look, I-I don't have any brothers; I'll never get to be a best man! Chandler: You can be the best man when I get married. Joey: (pause) I'll never get to be a best man! Ross: (to Chandler) Wait-wait, so, you get to be my best man twice and I never get to be yours at all? Chandler: Oh no-no-no, you-yeah, of course you get to be my best man. Joey: (impatiently tapping Chandler on the shoulder) What about me?! You-you just said I could! Chandler: I'm not even getting married! Okay, this is a question for science fiction writers! Joey: I can't believe you're not picking me. Ross: Hey, how can it not be me?!HeyHey! Chandler: I'm not even... I'm not even... Ross: Fine, y'know what, that's it. From now on, Joey, I want you to be my best man. Joey: Yes! (to Chandler) Shame about you man. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.] Phoebe: (to her babies) Stop it! Monica: What? Phoebe: One of the babies is kicking. Monica: I thought that was a good thing. Phoebe: It's not kicking me, it's kicking one of the other babies. Oh (looks down her dress)! Don't make me come in there! Joey: (entering) Hey! Monica: Hey! Joey: Do you guys have like a big bowl I can borrow? Monica: Yeah, there's one right under the cabinet. Joey: (grabs it) Thanks. Monica: Why do you need it? Joey: Oh, we're having a big party tomorrow night. Later! (Starts for the door.) Rachel: Whoa! Hey-hey, you planning on inviting us? Joey: Nooo, later. (Walks out the door.) Phoebe: Hey!! Get your ass back here, Tribbiani!! (Joey walks back in, scared.) Rachel: Hormones! Monica: What Phoebe meant to say was umm, how come you're having a party and we're not invited? Joey: Oh, it's Ross's bachelor party. Monica: Sooo? Joey: Are you bachelors? Monica: Nooo! Joey: Are you strippers? Rachel: Nooo! Joey: Then you're not invited. (Starts for the door again.) Rachel: All right fine! You're not invited to the party we're gonna have either. Joey: Oh-whoa, what party? Rachel: Well umm... Monica: The baby shower for Phoebe! Joey: Baby shower. Wow! That sounds sooo like something I don't want to do! Later! (Finally, he makes his exit.) Phoebe: I can't believe I'm gonna have a party! This is so great! (Really excited) A party! (Really, really excited) Yay!! (Suddenly, she starts crying and Rachel moves to comfort her.) I don't know why. [Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are talking over party plans.] Joey: This is what I've got going for the party so far, liquor wise. Get a lot of liquor. Ross: Great. Great. Joey: Okay, now uh, in terms of the invite list, I've got you, me, and Chandler and I'm gonna invite Gunther 'cause, well, we've been talking about this pretty loud. Gunther: I'll be there. Joey: All right-oh! Listen, I know this is your party, but I'd really like to the number of museum geeks that are gonna be there. Ross: Yeah. Tell ya what, let's not invite any of the anthropologists, only the dinosaur dudes! Joey: Okay! We'll need a six-pack of Zima. Chandler: (entering) Hey guys, what are you doing? Ross: Oh, just planning my bachelor party with my best man. Chandler: Yeah, well, good luck trying to top the last one. Ross: Yeah, see, I don't think it's gonna that difficult considering this one won't be taking place in the basement of a Pizza Hut. Chandler: Oh, I'm Ross. I'm Ross. I'm too good for the Hut; I'm too good for the Hut. Ross: Look, I gotta go pick up Ben. Everything so far sounds great Joey, just remember to keep it on the mellow side, okay? Just a couple of guys hanging out playing poker, no-no strippers or anything okay? Joey: You got it. Ross: Okay, see ya later. Chandler: See ya. (Ross exits, and Chandler moves over next to Joey, laughing.) Have fun planning your mellow bachelor party. Joey: Well, there's gonna be strippers there. He didn't say anything about no strippers. Chandler: He just said, "No strippers." Joey: Oh, I chose not to hear that. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is returning from shopping and Rachel is there.] Monica: Look what I got! Look what I got! Look what I got! (She shows Rachel what she bought. She bought a little leather jacket and a little cowboy outfit for the babies.) Can you believe they make these for little people? Rachel: Little village people. Monica: Okay, look at this one. This is my favourite. (It's a little pink and white dress for the girl baby.) Rachel: Oh, that is so sweet! Monica: I know! Phoebe is gonna love dressing them in these! Rachel: Huh. Except, Phoebe's not gonna be the one that gets to dress them. Monica: Because she's not gonna get to keep the babies. Rachel: Oh my God! We are throwing the most depressing baby shower ever! Monica: Wait a minute! Unless, we give her all gifts she can use after she's done being pregnant. Like-like umm, regular coffee, Tequila. Rachel: Oh, and somebody can get those leather pants she's always wanted! Monica: Oh, she's gonna love that! [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe's baby shower, she is holding those leather pants, and isn't happy about it.] Phoebe: What the hell is this?! What, did you actually thought it would make me feel better to give me stuff that I can't use for another two months?! This sucks! All right, what's my next present?! All: I don't have anything. (All of the rest of the women there hide their gifts behind their backs.) [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross's bachelor party. Ross is thanking Joey for the party.] Ross: Hey listen man, about the stripper... Joey: Yeah? Ross: Good call! Chandler: (banging a spoon against his beer bottle) Okay, a little announcement, a little announcement. I've decided that my best man is, my best friend Gunther! Gunther: What's my last name? Chandler: Central Perk? Gunther: (to Ross) Thanks for not marrying Rachel. (He starts to leave.) Joey: Oh-whoa-wait, Gunther don't-don't forget your shirt. (He gives Gunther his shirt and Gunther leaves.) Ross: Hey-hey, what are those? Joey: Oh, little party favours, check it out! (It's a shirt that reads, "Ross Geller, Bachelor Bash 1998") Ross: Wow! Yeah! Joey: Oh-oh! (Shows him what's on the back, "Best Man Joey Tribbiani, with a huge picture of him.) Chandler: (banging on the bottle again) Okay, okay, a little announcement, I just want everyone to know that the position of my best man is still open! And uh, (to the stripper) so is the position of the bride. The Stripper: Great! Ross: Smooth man. Yeah, you got some chilie on your neck. (Chandler checks and runs into the bathroom.) Well, I just want to say, thanks everyone, this-this was great. And hey! See you guys Monday morning. (They museum geeks wave at him.) Thanks Joey. Joey: Oh, hey, don't forget your shirt. Ross: Oh, thanks! (Takes it and throws it back into the box and leaves.) Joey: Okay, hey, museum geeks, party's over. Okay. Wave bye-bye to the nice lady. There you go. Back to your parent's basement. All right. (The museum geeks exit and Joey unlocks his door and lets the chick and the duck out.) Come on boys, come on out! Here you go. All right. The Stripper: Ohhh, look at the little birdies! Are those yours? Joey: Yeah! The Stripper: Wow, I didn't know they let you keep chickens and ducks as pets. Joey: Oh yeah-yeah. And I got the duck totally trained. Watch this. Stare at the wall. (The duck complies.) Hardly move. (The duck complies.) Be white. (The duck complies.) The Stripper: You are really good at that. So uh, I had fun tonight, you throw one hell of a party. Joey: Oh thanks. Thanks. It was great meetin' ya. And listen if any of my friends gets married, or have a birthday, or a Tuesday... The Stripper: Yeah, that would be great. So I guess umm, good night. Joey: Oh unless you uh, you wanna hang around. The Stripper: Yeah? Joey: Yeah. I'll let you play with my duck. [Scene: Joey's bedroom, it's the middle of the night, he's waking up and discovers he's alone in bed.] Joey: Hey, (realises he doesn't know her name.) stripper! (He notices that the ring box is open, so he picks it up, sees it's empty and starts to panic.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, it's continued from earlier. Joey is now waking Chandler and telling him the news.] Joey: (running and banging on Chandler's door) The stripper stole the ring!! The stripper stole the ring!! Chandler! Chandler, get up! Get up! The stripper stole the ring! Chandler: (opening the door) What? Joey: The ring is gone! Chandler: Ugh. Just a sec, give me a minute to wake up for this-Ah-ha-ha!! You lost the ring! You're the worst best man ever! Joey: Dude, this isn't funny! What am I gonna do?! I go to bed last night, everything's cool! I wake up this morning, the stripper's gone and the ring is gone! Chandler: You slept with the stripper? Joey: Of course!! (Shrugs.) [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is entering, Monica and Rachel are talking on the couch.] Phoebe: Hi, guys. Rachel: Hi! Phoebe. (Both Monica and her try to move out of Phoebe's way.) Monica: Hi Phoebe. Phoebe: I-I wanted to apologise if I-y'know seemed a tad edgy yesterday at my shower. Y'know it's just the hormones, y'know. Rachel: No we... Monica: Hormones. Rachel: ...hormones, yeah. Phoebe: Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you, it was just, it was so sweet. (She goes to hug them and they both flinch, thinking that Phoebe is about to attack them.) Monica: Wow, you seem to be doing so much better. That's great. So how-how are things going? Phoebe: Good. Y'know-no-no, okay, it's-it feels like everything's been about me lately, so what's happening with you? Rachel: Oh, well, actually we were just talking about me not going to Ross's wedding. Phoebe: Oh! Rachel: It just might be too hard, given the history and all that... Phoebe: Wow! This reminds me of the time when I was umm, living on the street and this guy offered to buy me food if I slept with him. Rachel: Well, h-how is this like that? Phoebe: Well, let's see, it's not. Really, like that. Because, you see that was an actual problem, and uh, yours is just like y'know a bunch of y'know high school crap that nobody really gives y'know... Rachel: (starting to cry) I'm-I'm sorry, I just thought that... Phoebe: Alrighty, here come the water works. (Rachel starts crying harder.) [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is trying to figure out what to do.] Joey: Ugh! I don't know what I'm going to do! I called the company that sent and th-they don't care! Then I called 9-1-1 and they laughed at me, if this isn't an emergency, then what is? Ross: (entering) Hey guys! Chandler: Hey! Joey: Hey... Ross: I just wanted to thank you again for last night, what a great party! And the guys from work had a blast. Y'know, one of them had never been to a bachelor party before. Yeah! And-and another one had never been to a party before, so... Joey: So uh, hey, that uh, that wedding ring, huh? Man, that's nice! Ross: Yeah, right! Joey: I was uh, I was thinking I might want to pick one of those babies up for myself, I might want to get one of those... Ross: That ring? When my grandmother first came to this country, that ring and the clothes on her back were all she had with her. Chandler: So you might say, the ring is irreplaceable? (Gives Joey a little squeeze.) Ross: Oh absolutely! It has been in my family for generations, and every bride who has worn it has had a long and happy life. Chandler: So you might say, it's a magic ring. Joey: (laughs, softly) Yeah, the stripper stole it. Ross: My-my ring? My-my wedding ring? The-the stripper stole my wedding ring?! H-how?! How could this all happen?! Chandler: Well, I think it all started when you said, "Hey Joey, why don't you be my best man." Ross: (dialling the phone) All right-all right, fine! I-I'm gonna call the cops! Joey: Dude, I screwed up, you don't have to turn me in! Ross: Not on you! On the stripper! Joey: Oh, yeah, well I already did that! They said they're gonna look into it right after they solved all the murders. Ross: Okay, well, we'll call the company that sent her! Joey: I did that too! They wouldn't give me her real name or her number. They said, "If I bothered them again they'd call the police." I said, "If you talk to the police, you tell them I'm missing a ring!" Ross: So what, Joey? Wh-wh-what? What are you telling me? That there's nothing we can do? Well, how could this happen?! Joey: Look Ross, I am so-so sorry. I-I-I... Chandler: Well, what if we just ah, called her, used a fake name, and had her come to my office? Joey: Oh, that sounds like fun, but we've got a ring to find!! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are cautiously serving Phoebe some tea.] Monica: Here's your tea Phoebe. (They give it to her and quickly take a step back.) Phoebe: (sips it) It's so good. (Monica and Rachel breath a sigh of relief.) Oh, thanks. Rachel: Good. Monica: I'm so glad you liked it. Phoebe: (sets the cup down) Oh! (Grabs her stomach in pain.) Monica: What?! Rachel: What?! She made the tea! (Points to Monica.) Phoebe: Oh! No, I-I think I just had a contraction. Rachel: You what? Monica: Oh my God! Phoebe: Yeah, I thought I had one a couple of minutes ago, and now I know that was definitely one. Monica: Wait, you can't have the baby here! I mean I haven't sterilised it since the guys moved out! Rachel: Okay. It's okay. We're gonna be okay. Y'know what? It's okay. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna boil some water and just rip up some sheets! Phoebe: No. It's all right; it's probably false labour. They said that, that can happen near the end, just somebody get the book. Monica: Rachel, get the book! The book! Rachel: Okay! (Runs and grabs a book and hands it to Monica.) Okay! Here! Monica: The Bible?! Rachel: I don't know! [Scene: Chandler's office, the guys are there waiting to ambush the stripper.] Joey: All right, okay, this is great, uh, Chandler, you get behind the desk. And-and when she comes in hopefully, she won't recognise you because, well, why would she? Uh, okay, and then you buzz Ross and I. (to Ross) You be Mr. Gonzalez, and I'll be uh, Mr. Wong. Ross: Diverse. (There's a knock on the door.) The Stripper: Did anybody call for security? Chandler: (to Ross) You be cool. (He opens the door and lets her in as they all turn there backs on her.) The Stripper: Okay, which one of you guys is Gunther Central-Perk? (Sees Joey.) Hey, Joey? Ross: Where's my ring? My dead grandmother's wedding ring? Where is it? Where is it? Chandler: Way to be cool, man. The Stripper: What's he talking about? Joey: There was a ring, in a box, on my nightstand, after you left, it was gone! The Stripper: Wait, you guys think I stole some ring? The Guys: Yeah! Ross: We know you took so just-just save yourself the time and confess! The Stripper: Okay, who are you? The Hardy boys? Look, I don't need to steal some stupid ring, all right? I make $1,600 a week doing what I do; any of you guys make that? Chandler: Marry me. (Both Ross and Chandler hit him.) [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the guys are now trying to figure out what next to do, since their plan with the stripper backfired on them.] Joey: I don't get it! It was in my room all night! And if she didn't take it, and I didn't take it; and you (Chandler) didn't take it, then who did? (The duck quacks.) Shh! We're trying to think! (Ross and Chandler realise it at the same moment and stare at Joey, who doesn't get it. After a short pause, with the duck still quacking, Joey figures it out and starts pointing at the duck.) [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is recovering from her false labour.] Rachel: I still don't get how you know when it's false labour. Phoebe: Well, do you see any babies? Monica: How do you feel? Phoebe: Okay, I guess. I mean... I don't know, it's just, I guess I know it's going to be over soon. Rachel: Well, isn't that a good thing? You said you were sick of this. Phoebe: I know. It's just y'know usually when you're, when you're done with the pregnant thing, y'know, then you get to do the mom thing. I'm gonna be y'know, sitting around in my leather pants, drinking Tequila. Monica: Some moms do that. Phoebe: Okay that's even sadder. Look, I know, I know what I got myself into, it's just that now that they're in me it's like, it's like I know them y'know, I mean-I mean, it's just not gonna be easy when these little babies have to go away. Monica: Aww, sweetie, but it's not like you're not gonna have anything. You're gonna have nieces and nephews, and some ways that's even better. Phoebe: Yeah, okay. Rachel: No, really. Really, Pheebs, you're not gonna be the one worrying about saving for college, or yelling at them when they're bad, y'know, or deciding to put them on Ritalin when they just won't calm down. Y'know? Monica: I mean, you're the one they're gonna come to when they wanna run away from home, and the one they talk to about s*x. Rachel: And you just get to be cool Aunt Phoebe! Phoebe: Cool Aunt Phoebe. I am pretty cool! Monica: Yeah. Rachel: And y'know what else, oh my God, are they gonna love you. Phoebe: They are gonna love me. Rachel: Oh! Phoebe: Thanks you guys! Again. Monica: Oh, sweetie! (They all hug.) Phoebe: You're the best. Thanks. Oh! Monica and Rachel: What?! Phoebe: Just kidding. Ahh! Rachel: What?! Monica: Oh my God! Phoebe: Got cha again, you guys are so easy. [Scene: The Animal Hospital, the guys have taken the duck in to remove the ring. Joey is pacing around like an expectant father.] Joey: If anything should happen to him... Ross: Joey! The vet said it's a simple procedure. Joey: So! Things can go wrong! You don't know! What if he doesn't make it?! Chandler: He will, Joe. Joey: Yeah, but what if he doesn't? He's such a good duck. (With that we go into a little flashback about the guys' memories of the duck. The first one is Joey playing with him in the bathtub and drying him off. Then it's Chandler sitting on his couch after they moved into the girls apartment, and Chandler reading to him in bed, and him watching Baywatch when all they had was the canoe and the duck was in a bucket of water. Then we see Ross eating some cereal and the duck watching him. He takes a lamp and moves the duck off of the table. Then it's Chandler shooing them out of the bathroom in the girls' apartment, Joey revealing their disco cubby hole in the entertainment-center, then Chandler playing Hide-and-Go-Seek with them, and it's concluded with various scenes with the duck flapping it's wings. And the guys staring into the distance in remembrance of the duck.) Joey: I'm so worried about him, y'know? The Doctor: (coming in from surgery) Somebody lose a ring? Ross: Oh my God! Thank you! Thank you so much! (He grabs the ring, kisses it, and then does a double-take realising where it's been.) Joey: H-h-h-how's the duck? The Doctor: He's doing just fine, he's resting now, but you can see him in a little bit. Joey: Ohh, great! Oh hey, listen Ross, thanks for being so cool about this. Ross: No, that's all right. Joey: No, it's not. I mean you-you made me your best man and I totally let you down! Chandler: Hey, come on, it's not your fault. Joey: Yeah, it is! You wouldn't have lost the ring, right? Y'know what, Ross you were right from the start, he (Chandler) should be your best man. Chandler: No, you should. Joey: Now, don't argue with me... Ross: Hey! Hey! Hey! I get to choose my best man, and I want both you guys. Chandler: Really? Joey: Really? Ross: Hey, both you guys should be up there with me. I mean, you two are-are my... I mean, I'm lucky to have just one good... (They all start getting emotional.) Chandler: Thanks man. Joey: (starting to cry) I gotta go check something over here. (He walks away so that they can't see him cry.) Chandler: What a baby. Ross: Total wuss! (They both turn and wipe their eyes.) CLOSING CREDITS [There was no closing scene, only a preview of the wedding.]

Plan: A: a baby shower; Q: What kind of party did Rachel and Monica throw for Phoebe? A: the babies; Q: What is Phoebe depressed about giving up? A: Joey; Q: Who does Ross choose to be his best man? A: a stripper; Q: What was at the bachelor party? A: the duck; Q: Who ate the wedding ring? A: the vet; Q: Who retrieves the ring from the duck? Summary: Rachel and Monica have a baby shower for Phoebe who is experiencing extreme mood swings and growing depressed about giving up the babies. Ross chooses Joey over Chandler to be his best man, but Joey loses the wedding ring after throwing a bachelor party featuring a stripper. They discover the duck ate the ring and take it to the vet, who retrieves it. Ross decides to make both Chandler and Joey his best men.

[Gilbert's lake house] (Elena is reading Jonathan Gilbert's journal) [SCENE_BREAK] [Gilbert's house] (Jonathan is eating with Honoria Fell and a man) Jonathan: With the dying embers of the fire at Fell's church, the scourge of the vampires had passed. And though war raged all around us, our town was safe from the demons of the night... Or so we thought. For the monsters we drove to their fiery deaths had begat new monsters. (They hear a noise) Honoria: Did you hear that? (Thomas looks trough the window and takes a knife) Thomas: Stay here Honoria: No, Thomas Thomas: It's all right, dear, the vampires are all dead Jonathan: Yes, Honoria... they burned in the church. We're safe now (Thomas leaves) Honoria: Please, Jonathan. I'm worried Jonathan: Very well. I shall go too (He rejoins Thomas outside) (Thomas is outside looking around him. Jonathan rejoins him) Jonathan: I can prove there are no vampires (He takes the magical compass but he doesn't react) Jonathan: See? (Suddenly the compass works showing that there is a vampire. When he turns himself, Thomas is gone) Jonathan: Thomas? Thomas?! (Thomas body falls on the floor. Honoria gets out of the house) Honoria: Thomas! Jonathan: No, stay inside! Get back in the house! (The vampires kills her and goes toward Jonathan) Jonathan: I knew I was about to die. You can not run from a vampire. I saw the vampire who killed me. I recognized him. Stefan Salvatore Nowadays [Gilbert's lake house] (Elena is surprised. And look at Stefan through the window) [Gilbert's lake house] (Stefan is outside, looking at the lake. His phone rings. He answers) Stefan: What's going on? Damon: Well, I showered. I shaved. Had breakfast. Very relaxed Stefan: That makes one of us Damon: I did hear one piece of good news though. Tyler Lockwood ran away from home last night. Stefan: How do you know? Damon: Well, I heard it from sheriff Forbes, who heard it from a very distraught Carol Lockwood, thus, ending our werewolf chapter, bringing us to... Stefan: ...killing Elijah Damon: Exactly Stefan: Well, it's not going to be easy. He's crafty Damon: Well, I've got a crafty little dagger Stefan: He's an Original. We don't know what all that encompasses Damon: Oh, trust me, Stefan. I'm gonna dot all my t's. I don't want any surprises Stefan: Wow, Damon, tell me you're actually gonna be careful for once Damon: Yes, Stefan, I've become you. How tragic for both of us. Got to run. I've a murder to plan. Busy day (He hangs up) [Somewhere in Mystic Falls] (Elijah and Jenna are walking) Jenna: The old Fell property actually starts just beyond that fence Elijah: Ah, the Fells... one of the Founding Families Jenna: Why do you say it like that? Elijah: My research showed me that this area was actually settled almost two full centuries earlier. It was a migration of townsfolk from the northeast, um, it was Salem, to be precise Jenna: Massachusetts? As in the witch trials? Elijah: Which means the ever lauded founding families... They didn't actually found anything Jenna: Well, I bet it was the men who made a big deal about being founders back in 1860. Men are very territorial Elijah: Yes, they are (Alaric rejoins them) Jenna: Elijah, this is my friend, Alaric Saltzman Alaric: Yeah, I got your message about walking Elijah here through the old property lines. I thought I would tag along. You know being a history buff and all. Where to next? Elijah: I'm pretty curious about the freed slave property owners. Some say, you know, the descendents of the slaves are the true keepers of American history Jenna: Well, I only brought the surveys. I got the list in the car. just give me a sec (She goes to her car leaving them alone) Elijah: Alaric Saltzman. So you're one of those people on Elena's list of loved ones to protect Alaric: So is Jenna Elijah: You don't have to be jealous. I don't really pursue younger women. It's a joke, Ric, lighten up Alaric: Right [Mystic Grill] (Jeremy arrives and sees Bonnie. He smiles and rejoins her) Jeremy: Hey, whatcha doin'? Bonnie: Thinking about last night Jeremy: Yeah, yeah. Me, too Bonnie: It was a tough spell. I could feel it draining me. I need practice Jeremy: Yeah, well, uh, maybe, I don't know... Maybe you should come over tonight. We can practice. Get stronger Bonnie: Yeah, sure. Thanks (He sees Luka coming toward us) Jeremy: Ah, incoming Luka: You want to tell me what the hell happened yesterday? Bonnie: Sorry? Luka: Don't play dumb. You both were here and... Jeremy: And? Luka: And that's all I remember. One minute I'm playing pool and the next I'm waking up in a bathroom stall Bonnie: Sorry, Luka, but everything seemed normal yesterday. I brought you a coffee and we played pool Luka: See, I think you're lying (Jeremy gets up) Jeremy: And I think you need to back off (Luka looks at them and leaves) [Gilbert's lake house] (Stefan enters while Elena is reading Jonathan Gilbert's journal) Elena: Are you still mad? Stefan: Yeah, I'm still mad Elena: We had a difference of opinion, Stefan, we're not always gonna agree on everything Stefan: Elena, you've agreed to sacrifice yourself to Klaus. To say that we have a difference of opinion is the understatement of the century Elena: You would know (He looks at the journal) Stefan: What does Jonathan Gilbert have to say? Elena: A lot. It's insane the things he wrote in his journal that he kept from the founding families. Stuff that nobody knows. Stuff that... You never told me Stefan: We were, uh... We were angry at the founding families for what they did to Katherine. We wanted revenge. I didn't know about Jonathan Gilbert's ring yet. I didn't know that he would... that he would survive Elena: He describes you as a monster Stefan: That's what I was. I want you to know the truth... But I want you to hear it from me. In the weeks after I became a vampire, I relished in it. I took it to the darkest place I could [SCENE_BREAK] (Stefan is drinking blood from a woman, she's dead. Two women are dancing) Stefan: Who wants to die next? Woman 1: Me, I'm next Woman 2: Me, you promised me (He looks at the woman who's playing piano) Stefan: What about you? You know if you don't pick up the tempo, you're going to lose your head. Snap. Snap (He rushes over one of the women and drinks her blood. Damon arrives) Damon: Company, brother? Stefan: I brought enough to share Damon: Are you mad bringing them here when the entire town is hunting us? Stefan: Damon, if you're worried about the founding families, please don't be. They're all dead or about to be (Damon rushes over one of the women and compels her) Damon: Leave this place. Never think of it again (He compels the other) Damon: Same for you. Leave this place. Never think of it again Stefan: Damon, don't be like this. I'm just having some fun Damon: Staying alive is more fun, Stefan. We have to be more careful than this. More clever. Like Katherine was Stefan: Look what that got her Damon: I'm done here. With you. I'm leaving town Stefan: You hate me. I know. I know. An eternity of misery and on and on. I know, but you don't have to leave town. Damon, I'll do better. I promise Damon: No, you will get us killed. I'd rather leave you to do that to yourself. (He leaves) Nowadays [Gilbert's lake house] Stefan: I wasn't myself then. I was full of guilt. What I did to my father, to my brother. I had to turn it off. It was the only way I could survive Elena: It sounds like you were Damon Stefan: I was worse [Mystic Grill] (Alaric, Damon and Andie are at a table) Damon: Other than the lecture on the history of Mystic Falls, did you get anything out of Elijah? Alaric: No, it was boring. Of course, Jenna thinks he's charming Damon: You sounded jealous. Sound a bit jealous? Andie: Kinda do Alaric: Maybe we shouldn't talk about this here (He looks at Andie) Damon: Andie, she's been compelled not to divulge my secrets. Haven't you? Andie: Uh-huh. Mmm. My lips are sealed (Damon and her kiss. Alaric looks at them) Alaric: This is too weird Damon: I just need the right opportunity (He sees Jenna and Elijah) Damon: Ah, there's Jenna with her new boyfriend. Hi (Elijah and Jenna rejoin them) Jenna: Hey, guys Damon: So I hear you two had quite a meeting of historical minds today Jenna: Yeah, I guess you could say that. Alaric: Well, as much as I'd love to continue this, I've got papers to grade (He gets up) Andie: No, you know what? We should continue this. Let's have a dinner party Damon: Ooh, my girl. Full of good ideas. I'll be happy to host. Say tonight. Maybe? Andie: It's good for me. Jenna? Alaric: I don't know if tonight works... Jenna: I'm free Elijah: It'd be a pleasure Damon: Great [The tomb] (Katherine's body is desiccated. Damon gives her blood) Damon: Great. Drink up. Good girl (She drinks) Damon: I've come bearing gifts. I didn't have time to properly shop, but I did get a couple of things. Hmm? (He gives her some clothes. Katherine's normal again thanks to the blood) Damon: Wow, that blood did the trick. You're almost pretty again Katherine: What is it you want, Damon? Damon: Guess who's back in town? Your old friend, John Gilbert Katherine: Really. Why? Damon: Says he loves his daughter, Wants to protect her from Elijah and big, bad Klaus Katherine: Touching (She gets up and takes a jacket from the clothes Damon brought) Damon: Yeah, right. He told me this old wives tale about how to kill an Original Katherine: And you want to know if it's true. If it was, I wouldn't tell you Damon: Now, why not? I mean, you want Elijah and Klaus dead as much as I do Katherine: Klaus, yes. Elijah, no. He's compelled me to stay in here. If he dies, I'm stuck forever Damon: Sucks for you Katherine: Forget it, Damon. Killing Elijah would be a suicide mission. You can't do it Damon: Can so Katherine: Can't Damon: Even with a dagger and a little white oak ash? (She seems surprised) Katherine: No. Damon, if you kill Elijah, then I'm stuck in here forever Damon: You're really scared Katherine: Just get me out of here first and then I'll help you. I'll... I'll help you kill Elijah or... or protect Elena. Whatever you want Damon: I get you out of here and your ass is sipping Klaus-free margaritas on some unknown island somewhere. No way Katherine: That's not true. I'll stay. Damon, please just don't do it Damon: Well, thank you, you've told me everything I need to know Katherine: I've told you nothing Damon: You have. You have indeed confirmed that it is possible to kill an Original, which I will do tonight. Guess who's coming to dinner? [Gilbert's lake house] stefan: For weeks I kept spiraling. I was completely driven by the desire for blood. Hunt, prey, kill. That was all I knew Elena: How come no one caught on to what you were doing? Stefan: Mmm. There was a war going on. The thing about wartime. Endless, anonymous blood supply [SCENE_BREAK] [The woods] (Stefan is drinking blood on a dead man when he sees a woman. he follows her and turns around her to finally jumps on her. but she turns herself above him. Her face has changed. It's Lexi) Lexi: Ah! What kind of an idiot are you? Nowadays [Gilbert's lake house] Stefan: Alexia Branson, as she was known back then Elena: Lexi? Your best friend Lexi? That's how you met her? What was she even doing in Mystic Falls? Stefan: She had heard it was a good place for vampires. You know, had no idea that they'd all been massacred. Needed a place to crash, so I brought her home with me [SCENE_BREAK] (Lexi and Stefan enter the Salvatore's house) Lexi: I'd say it isn't necessary to take me in, but you did try to eat me and well, with dawn coming, beggars can't be choosers. Or should they be? (She sees girl's bodies) Stefan: I, um...I meant to dispose of those Lexi: My God, you're a ripper Stefan: A what? Lexi: There are good parts of being a vampire and there are bad parts. You're the bad parts. Well... we're going to have to change that Nowadays [Gilbert's lake house] Elena: Are you okay? Stefan: Talking about her brings up things I'd rather forget Elena: Like Damon killing her? [Salvatore's house] (Jenna and Andie are preparing the table for the dinner) Andie: So what's going on with you and Alaric? I feel like there's some tension Jenna: I don't know. I really like him. It's more than like and I want it to work, but I can't help but feel that he's hiding something from me. And then I've got John whispering things in my ear about him Andie: Like what? Jenna: Things I don't want to believe. Things I don't believe, not if they're coming from John's mouth Andie: Oh. Well, there you go, then. Trust is the key to any relationship. I mean, I am so grateful that Damon tells me everything (Damon and Alaric are in the library) Alaric: This is a bad idea Damon: There's no such thing as a bad idea. Just poorly executed awesome ones. Here (He gives him a glass of scotch) Alaric: No. I don't like the idea of Elijah being in the same house with Jenna Damon: Jenna's perfectly safe. Besides, it's just a fact-finding mission. It's totally harmless Alaric: Just a fact-finding mission Damon: Yeah Alaric: Listen, no sneak attacks. No surprise plans. Nothing that's gonna put Jenna in harm's way. Ok? Damon: Scout's honor (Andie arrives) Andie: Hey, Jenna needs help with the wine (Alaric leaves to help Jenna. Damon waits for him to be gone and then opens a wooden box from which he takes the dagger and the white oak ash) Andie: What's that? Damon: Dessert (He puts some of the ash on the dagger) Damon: Elijah's stronger than me. Faster than me. It's all about the element of surprise Andie: Ah, it's too bad. I like him. He's very old-school. Classy Damon: Which is why you should encourage the gentlemen to take their after dinner drinks in here while you do coffee in the kitchen with the girls (He hides the dagger with the glasses) Andie: Hmm. That is a little too sexist for me Damon: Stop talking (The ring bells. Jenna opens the door. It's John. Damon rejoins them) Jenna: Who invited him? Damon: John! Surprise... Leave John: When Jenna told me she was coming to a dinner party for Elijah, I decided I couldn't miss out on all the fun and games Alaric: There are not going to be any games tonight, John. It's just a friendly dinner party Damon: What he said [Gilbert's house] (Jeremy opens the door to Bonnie) Jeremy: Hey Bonnie: Hey (He takes her bag) Bonnie: Thanks. That thing weighs a ton. I'm starving. You guys have any... food? (She enters the house and sees a lot of candles in the living room) Bonnie: Oh, God. Heh! This is a date Jeremy: No, no it's not like a date, date. More of a hey, I kissed you, and I thought you liked it, um... hang thing Bonnie: Jeremy, I need to make sure Elena is cool with this before anything else happens Jeremy: I didn't realize my sister had approval over who I'm with Bonnie: She's my best friend, I tell her everything and this whole hang thing might freak her out Jeremy: All right, all right, so we'll, um... We'll hang out, eat some food, work on some spells. It's not a big deal. But you did... You did like it, right? (She smiles) Bonnie: Yeah. I liked it [Salvatore's house] (Damon opens the door. It's Elijah) Elijah: Good evening Damon: Thank you for coming. Please, come in Elijah: Just one moment. Can I just say that if you have anything less than honorable intentions about how this evening is going to proceed, I suggest you reconsider Damon: No, nothing, nothing dishonorable. Just getting to know you Elijah: Hmm. Well, that's good. Because, you know, although Elena and I have this deal, if you so much as make a move to cross me, I'll kill you and I'll kill everyone in this house. Are we clear? Damon: Crystal (Elijah sees Jenna, smiles and rejoins her in the house) Elijah: Jenna. Wonderful to see you again. How are you? Nice to see you. You look incredible Jenna: Thank you (They are all sitting around the table for the dinner) Jenna: I hate to break it to you, Damon, but according to Elijah, your family is so not a founder of this town Damon: Hmm, do tell Elijah: Well, as I mentioned to Jenna earlier, a faction of settlers migrated from Salem after the witch trials in the 1690s. Over the next hundred years they developed this community where they could feel safe from persecution Jenna: Hmm. Because they were witches Andie: Yeah, but there's no tangible proof there were witches in Salem Damon: Andie's a journalist. Big on facts Elijah: Well, the lore says that there was this wave of anti-witch hysteria. It broke out in the neighboring settlement, so these witches were rounded up. They were tied to stakes in a field together and, uh, burned. Some say you could hear the screams from miles around us. They were consumed by the fire. Could you pass the... Jenna: I wouldn't repeat this to the Historical Society John: It's starting to sound a little like a ghost story to me Damon: So why do you want to know the location of these alleged massacres? Elijah: You know... a healthy historian's curiosity, of course Damon: Of course [SCENE_BREAK] [Gilbert's lake house] (Stefan rejoins Elena. She's reading one of Jonathan's Gilbert journal) Elena: Jonathan Gilbert got crazier and crazier. I guess that's what happens when you spend your life obsessed with vampires (She takes another journal and starts reading) Elena: He researched the Originals Stefan: You're kidding (He rejoins her on the couch) Elena: Later in life, Look (She shows him the journal) Elena: Pages and pages of questions and scribbles. What's that? (She shows him a drawing of a dagger ans starts reading out loud) Elena: "The wood from one tree and one tree alone, an ancient white oak would bring death to an Original vampire. When the tree burned, all hope was thought lost." He was trying to figure out how to kill an Original (She reads out loud again) Elena: "But the ash from the tree was saved and witches forged a dagger to which the ash could be bonded. This alchemic bond provides the necessary poison" Stefan: Elena... Elena: I wonder if this is true. I mean, do you think this dagger actually exists? Stefan: I know it does... Because John gave it to Damon Elena: John gave Damon the weapon that's supposed to kill Elijah? This one? (She reads out load again) Elena: "It must be brandished by humans alone, for it will bring death to all demons who wield it" Stefan: John's trying to get Damon killed (Stefan rushes toward his phone) [Salvatore's house] Damon: Does anyone care for some cognac? I have a bottle I've been saving for ages Alaric: None for me thanks. Nine bottles of wine is my limit [Gilbert's lake house] (Stefan is calling Damon but he doesn't answer) Stefan: Why is your phone off? Call me Elena: What's going on, Stefan? Stefan: Damon is planning on killing Elijah. Tonight [Salvatore's house] (Damon looks at Andie) Andie: The gentlemen should take their drinks in the study Elijah: I have to say the food was almost as wonderful as the company Andie: I like you (Jenna gives some plates to John) Jenna: Here you are, gentleman, make yourself useful. Hmm? Alaric: Here, here. Put me to work Jenna: Um, I got it Alaric: Hey, Jenna, are you... are you ok? Jenna: Yeah, fine, Ric (She leaves. John looks at him) John: I suspect this is my fault (Alaric grabs him) Alaric: What did you do now? John: I merely mentioned you haven't been completely honest with her about your dead wife Alaric: You son of bitch John: I think I've been very clear with you, Ric. I want my ring back (he leaves. Alaric's phone rings. He takes it) Alaric: Hello. Slow down. Slow down. Stefan? (Damon and Alaric are in the library) Damon: So, let me guess. In addition to the moonstone, the doppelganger, the lion, the witch and the wardrobe, you need to find this witch burial ground Elijah: Because I feel as though we've grown so close, Damon, I'll tell you yes. Do you know where it is? Damon: Maybe. Tell me why it's so important (He gives a glass of scotch to Elijah) Elijah: We're not that close (He looks at the books) Elijah: It's quite a collection you have here Damon: Hmm Elijah: It's a funny thing about books. Before they existed, people actually had memories (Damon takes the dagger but Alaric and Andie interrupt them so he hides the dagger again) Alaric: Gentlemen, we forgot about dessert Andie: Elijah Elijah: Miss Star... (He leaves with her. Alaric write on a paper that if he uses the dagger, he'll die with Elijah) (Andie and Elijah rejoin Jenna and John) Jenna: Sorry, guys, dessert is taking longer than I thought. I usually just unwrap food Andie: So... I know this is a social thing, but I... I would really love to ask you some more questions about the work that you're doing here Elijah: I'd love to answer Andie: Great, that's so great (Damon and Alaric rejoin them) Andie: Ric, would you do me a favor and grab the notebook out of my bag? Damon: Elijah, did John tell you he's Elena's uncle/father? Elijah: Yes, I'm well aware of that Damon: Of course, she hates him, so there's absolutely no need to keep him on the endangered species list (John looks at him. Alaric doesn't find Andie's notebook) Andie: Ric, it's in the front pocket. On the... you know what? Excuse me, guys. Sorry (She rejoins Alaric) John: What I'd like to know, Elijah, is how do you intend on killing Klaus? Elijah: Gentlemen, there's a few things we should probably get clear right now. I allow you to live solely to keep on eye on Elena. I allow Elena to remain in her house living her life with her friends as she does as a courtesy. If you become a liability, I'll take her away from you and you'll never see her again (Andie comes back with her notebook) Andie: Ok. My first question is when you got here to Mystic... (alaric arrives and drives the dagger through Elijah's heart. He's dead. Everyone's surprised) Alaric: Now, get rid of him before Jenna comes back with dessert Damon: All right [Gilbert's lake house] (Elena is outside. Stefan rejoins her) Stefan: Elena, we need to talk about this Elena: What good is talking if you and Damon are just gonna lie to me? If you don't like my decisions, that's fine. There's nothing I can do about that but if you ever go behind my back again, I'll... Stefan: you're gonna what? Hmm? What are you gonna do, Elena? Elena: It's my life Stefan: Yeah, exactly. It's your life and I'm gonna do everything I can to make sure that you live it Elena: Then what? This... this... this trip through the past. You being honest. Was there any truth to that or were you just distracting me? Stefan: I was telling you about a time when I thought everything was lost. When I had given up because that's exactly what you're doing right now Elena: That is not what... Stefan: Yes, it is! Even if you don't want to admit it. You are giving up... and Lexi? she wouldn't let me give up. I'm not gonna let you [SCENE_BREAK] (Stefan and Lexi are surrounded by dead soldiers. They're walking) Lexi: All of these men are dead or dying. What does that make you feel? Stefan: Nothing. I feel nothing Lexi: Because you shut out the part of you that was human. The part that lets you feel Stefan: Is that not the point? Lexi: Well, there is a better way. You simply have to want it Stefan: Is it better? Lexi: Not at first. You can't choose what you feel. You have to let it all back in. The pain and the look in their eyes when you took their life. The cries of their loved ones Stefan: Why would I want to do that? Hmm? Lexi: Because once you can hurt, you can love. Love, Stefan. That's the point. Everything is intensified when you're a vampire. When we hurt, we really hurt. But when we love... Nowadays [Gilbert's lake house] Stefan: Lexi showed me that there was another way. And from that day forward, I started fighting for it. For my own survival. That's all I want you to do. I just want you to fight for it [Salvatore's house] (Alaric and Damon are in the cellar with Elijah's body) Alaric: Now, you said there wasn't going to be any violence Damon: Says the guy that did all the killing Alaric: Hey, I took the shot because I saw an opening, not because I planned to do this with Jenna in the house. Now, you can't lie to me like that. Hey, I am your friend, damn it. And you don't have any friends. So, no more lying (Damon nodds and leaves) [Gilbert's lake house] Stefan: Elijah's dead. Alaric did it Elena: Originals believed in truth and honor. It was forbidden for a vampire to kill another vampire. So, the dagger would take both lives. And as long as the dagger stays in place, the Original, for all intents and purposes, is dead [Salvatore's house] (Damon rushes in the cellar but Elijah's gone) [Jonas and Luka's appartment] (Elijah opens the door. He has blood on his chemise) Jonas: What happened? Elijah: I need you to find Elena. Now [Gilbert's house] (Bonnie is practicing on candles) Jeremy: Ah... now, that is cool. How does it work? Bonnie: It's called channeling. Siphoning power from something... another witch... the Moon, an element Jeremy: So, technically, you could channel me Bonnie: What? Jeremy: Well, I'm an element, sort of. I mean, isn't... isn't the human body mostly water? Bonnie: You're right. Let's... see what happens (They get closer and she puts her hand on his chest but suddenly Jonas arrives) Jeremy: What the hell are you doing here? (Jonas throws him on the wall with his powers) Bonnie: Jeremy! Jonas: What did my son tell you? What did he tell you? Bonnie: He told me about your daughter. I know Klaus has her and I want to help you get her back. But i want us to work together. Please (He grabs her face) Jonas: This is for your own good (He cast a spell) Bonnie: No! No. No! (He releases her. She's crying) Jonas: If any harm comes to my son because of what you did, you will answer to me (He leaves and realeases jeremy from the wall. Jeremy rushes over Bonnie) Jeremy: You ok? It's ok. What happened? Bonnie: He took my powers [Gilbert's lake house] (Elijah arrives at the house. He grabs some rocks. Elena and Stefan are outside. Stefan hears something) Stefan: He's here (Elijah throws the rocks on the door. She explodes. Elena and Stefan are inside) Elena: You have to go. I need to talk to him alone Stefan: Elena... Elena: Stefan, I'm ok. He can't come in the house (Elijah gets closer to the house) Elijah: You know, I might not be able to enter this house... But I'm a very patient man. I'll wait you out (Elena goes at the door but stays inside) Elena: They shouldn't have done what they did Elijah: The deal is off Elena: I'm renegotiating Elijah: You have nothing left to negotiate with (She has a knife in her hands. She shows it to him) Elena: I'd like to see you lure Klaus into Mystic Falls after the doppelganger bleeds to death Elijah: Stefan won't let you die Elena: No, he won't. He'll feed me his blood to heal me, and then I'll kill myself and become a vampire, just like Katherine did. So unless you want that to happen again, promise me the same as before... promise me... You won't harm anyone that I love. Even if they've harmed you Elijah: I'm sorry, Elena. I'm going to have to call your bluff (She stabs herself in the stomach. She's bleeding. Elijah rushes over her but he can't get in) Elijah: No! Yes. Yes, you can have your deal. Let me heal you Elena: Give me your word! Elijah: I give you my word! (She goes outide and goes in his arms. He takes her in his arms but she kills him with the dagger. he falls on the floor. He's dead. Elena falls on the floor too. She's bleeding. Stefan rushes over her and gives her his blood. Damon rejoins them) Damon: Little tip. Don't pull the dagger out [Gilbert's house] (Alaric rejoins Jenna in the kitchen) Alaric: Where did John disappear to? Jenna: Maybe the same place the rest of the dinner party ran off to Alaric: Look, Jenna, I'm, uh... I'm so sorry tonight was... Jenna: what happened to Isobel? Alaric: You know, John should have never brought that up Jenna: That's not an answer Alaric: He's just trying to stir up trouble Jenna: That's not an answer, either Alaric: I can't talk about this, Jenna Jenna: I keep thinking that maybe it's me. Maybe I'm reading into things. I should trust you. That's what a relationship is about, right? But then I think that maybe John is right and maybe you're not being honest with me. So... are you being honest? (He doesn't answer. She cries) Jenna: Right, ok. ...that was an answer (She leaves. John enters the kitchen) John: Well, that was awkward. You know, I can clear all this stuff up about Isobel tomorrow, if you want Or not (He takes the magical ring off) Alaric: You want it? Take it. It's yours (He puts the ring on the table and smiles) Alaric: And after what you did to Damon... You're gonna need it more than me (He leaves) [Salvatore's house] (Damon, Stefan and Elena are in the cellar with Elijah's body. Damon search on him and finds the moonstone) Damon: Uhh! What do we have here? A little moonstone bar of soap. I'll hold on to this Elena: So, that's it. I mean, as long as we keep the dagger in there, then he stays dead Damon: Pretty much Elena: Ok, then... Good night. You know, you guys want me to fight, fine, I'll fight. But if we're gonna do this, you can't keep anything from me anymore. From this moment on, we're doing it my way Damon: That seems fair (She looks at Stefan) Stefan: Okay Elena: Okay (She leaves) Damon: Seems like she's had a change of attitude. How did you get through to her? Stefan: I told her a little story about when I was making the wrong decisions and somebody showed me there was a better way Damon: Lexi? Stefan: Yeah. You remember her? [SCENE_BREAK] (Damon is leaving. Lexi intecepts him) Lexi: Going somewhere? Damon: You must be the vampire I hear my brother complaining about Lexi: That would be me. And you must be the brother who hates him Damon: We are at irreparable odds Lexi: You know the hate you're feeling towards Stefan? Towards everyone? You think you have it under control but you don't. It will get the best of you Damon: Help him. He needs it Lexi: I'll help him Nowadays [Salvatore's house] (Damon goes in his bedroom and hears someone in the shower) Damon: Andie? I thought you left (He goes to the shower and when he sees that's Katherine, he's stunned) Katherine: Hello, Damon. Hey, do you have a robe? Damon: How did you get out? Katherine: I knew that if I begged you not to kill Elijah, that's exactly what you'd do. Little known fact... Originals can compel vampires. But as soon as they die, the compulsion wears off Damon: And you knew Katherine: And I'm still here. I didn't run. I meant what I said to him, Damon. I'm going to help you (She's naked) Katherine: So... How about that robe?

Plan: A: Elena; Q: Who reads one of Jonathan Gilbert's journals? A: Jonathan Gilbert's; Q: Whose journal does Elena read? A: two; Q: How many Fells did Stefan kill? A: Lexi; Q: Who showed Stefan the path of love and humanity? A: Damon; Q: Who invites Elijah to the boarding house for a dinner party? A: a vampire; Q: What does Elena threaten to become? A: the dagger; Q: What weapon can kill an Original? A: a warning; Q: What does Stefan send to the boarding house? A: Alaric stabs; Q: Who kills Elijah? A: the body; Q: What disappears after Elijah is killed? A: John blackmails; Q: Who blackmails Alaric? A: his ring; Q: What does John want back? A: the lake house; Q: Where does Elijah show up? A: the deal; Q: What is off? A: a bluff; Q: What does Elijah call Elena's threat to kill herself? A: Katherine; Q: Who does Damon find at home? A: Elijah's compulsion; Q: What has worn off with Elijah's death? Summary: Elena reads one of Jonathan Gilbert's journals about a night when Stefan attacked him and killed two of the Fells. Stefan admits that he had been brutal and inhuman until Lexi showed him the path of love and humanity. Damon invites Elijah to the boarding house for a dinner party, intending to kill him. Jonathan Gilbert's journal reveals that if a vampire uses the dagger to kill an Original, both will die. After Stefan sends a warning, Alaric stabs and kills Elijah, but the body later disappears. Elena reads in the journal that if the dagger is removed, the Original will come back to life. John blackmails Alaric into returning his ring. Elijah shows up at the lake house telling Elena that the deal is off, but Elena threatens to kill herself and become a vampire so that she will no longer be useful to him. Elijah calls her out on a bluff, but Elena stabs herself. Elijah begs Elena to let him heal her, and she agrees, but then stabs him with the dagger, killing him again. Damon returns home to find Katherine there. Elijah's compulsion on her has worn off with his death, and she says she intends to help them.

Ted from 2030: When I first moved to New York, it was dingy, disgusting, ugly, flea-ridden, stinky and altogether terrifying, but then, sadly. The whole city started to go uphill. The streets got a little cleaner, the rents got a little higher, and one by one, the crappy old places we loved began to disappear. The Elbow Room, an old punk rock club, became a drugstore. McHale's, a working-class watering hole, became a fast-food place. And Fez, a Moroccan-themed lounge, became a bank. And not just any bank. At Ted and Marshall's apartment Barney: Goliath National Bank. The world leader in credit and banking. God, I love Goliath National Bank! Ted: Okay, first of all, you look like the last pick in the draft. And, second, why are you so excited about some bank? Barney: Our company just bought them out in a ruthless takeover. Took two months. Cost 2,000 jobs. It was brutal. Who wants a T-shirt? (He throws one to Ted.) Hey, Marshall, they're hiring in the legal department. I could get you a job. Lily: Barney, Marshall didn't quit his last soul-sucking corporate job just to go work at a bank. He's gonna be an environmental lawyer. Ted from 2030: That was the plan, anyway. (We can see Marshall in front of the mirror of the bathroom.) Over the next few weeks, Marshall went on a lot of interviews. Marshall (to the mirror): You are confident, you are energetic, you are focused! Ted from 2030: A lot of interviews. Marshall(to the mirror): You are flexible on salary, you're willing to compromise, you're not gonna cry this time. Ted from 2030: Too many interviews. Marshall(to the mirror): You are sad, you are beaten down, you will get through this, come home, get in your big underpants and take a nap. Ted from 2030: Which brings us to September 29, the night of the burger. At McLaren's Ted: So, what do you guys want to do for dinner? Wendy: Oh, we just got a new cook. You have to try the burger, it's amazing. Robin: Great, we'll take five of those. Wendy (taking note): Five burgers. Ted: Really? You want to eat here? Robin: Yeah, I'm freaking starving. I just finished a seven-day cleanse. Marshall: I thought you started that yesterday. Robin: I finished early, OK? (To Wendy) Five of those. Wendy: Five burgers. Ted: Wait. What about sushi? Lily: We had sushi last night. Barney: Italian. Ted: I had Italian for lunch. Wendy: I can come back. Robin: No. We always do this. We spend an hour arguing about where to eat, and we end up here anyway. I haven't eaten for two days. Can we please, for the love of God, just order something now? Ted: Chinese? Robin: Oh. Barney: I don't like Chinese. Ted: Indian? Barney: I just said I don't like Chinese. Ted: Indian isn't Chinese. Barney: Weird meats, funny music, side of rice. Why are we splitting hairs? Ted: Mexican? Barney: I just said I don't like Chinese. Robin: God. Credit title Wendy serves everybody except Robin. Wendy: Robin, yours will be right out. Robin: Of course, mine comes last. Go ahead, start without me. Everybody: Sweet! You shouldn't have. That's so kind of you. Lily: My God. This burger is so good. It's like Christmas in my mouth, meat Christmas. Ted: It's like an angel from heaven landed in the kitchen at MacLaren's. Where the chef killed it and ran it through the meat grinder. Barney: I love this burger so much, I want to sew my ass shut. Marshall: It's okay. Everybody: Are you kidding me? Marshall: Guys, guys, guys. When you've had the best burger in NY, every other burger tastes like my grandpa's feet. But you guys eat up, enjoy my grandpa's feet. Robin: And you've had the best burger in New York? Marshall: It was eight years ago, my first week in New York, and for a kid from Minnesota, the big city was a scary place. [Flashback - Eight years earlier] At Ted and Marshall's apartment Marshall waits behind the door with a bat of baseball in hands. When Ted opens the door and is surprised by his friend. Marshall: Oh, thank God it's just you. Ted: You are being ridiculous. (Taking the bat.) Tell me, you left the apartment today? Marshall: Why would I have to leave? I can have anything I want delivered, and New York City cable is awesome. Have you seen this public access show with the old Jewish lady in a bikini? (Laughing) It's disgusting. Ted: Marshall, you have to get over this paranoia. You are not gonna get mugged. Marshall: What if I do, Ted. I don't have a switchblade. I don't know how to break-dance and win the begrudging respect of a street gang. Ted: That's it, you're taking a walk. Come on, go. Marshall: No. Look, the old lady in a bikini is back on. I'm just gonna lie back and get comfortable. Ted: Go outside, go, go. Marshall: Okay. (He takes the bat discreetly.) Ted: Leave the bat. Marshall: Fine. In the streets Marshal: So I went for a walk in the big, scary city. And I discovered something amazing: it wasn't scary at all. All right. What's the word? Man in the street (Distributing pamphlets): Your search is over! Marshall: And then, right when I started to get a little hungry, I turned a corner... [End of Flashback] At McLaren's Marshall: And there it was. The tiniest little burger joint you ever saw, tucked between a taxidermist and a triple-X bookstore. Barney: Name two places where things get stuffed. Marshall: So, I went inside. [Flashback - Eight years earlier] Marshall voiceover: And I ordered the burger. A man tattooed from head to foot brings him his plate. Marshal: Thank you. Marshall starts eating his burger. He feasts, and raises the head towards the wall. His glance settles on Regis Philbin's photo. Then, Marshall runs through streets, returns to the apartment. There he wakes Ted. Marshall: Ted, you got to wake up. Wake... Ted is surprised and he hits Marshall with the bat. Ted: Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Marshall: I'm all right. Ted, I've just had the most amazing burger of my life! It's this awesome little place, Regis Philbin eats there, so it's sort of like a celebrity hot spot. But the burger. The burger. Dude. Ted: I want one of those burgers right now! Do you think they're still open? Marshall: I don't know. (Looking to his watch.) Does stuff in New York stay open past... 9:30? Ted and Marshall are walking in the New York's streets. Marshall voiceover: So we went out to get another burger. But after hours of searching... Marshall (Raising hands in the sky.): Damn it! Where is this place? [End of Flashback] At McLaren's Robin: You couldn't find it? Ted: We didn't know our way around. Just getting back to the apartment took us three hours and one very helpful drag queen. Marshall: Wait, Penny Noir was a drag queen? Robin: Where do you think it was? Lily: Probably tucked between her legs. They laugh. Barney: You know what's not a drag? Getting a home equity loan at Goliath National Bank. I'm just saying. Marshall: Anyways, we never found the place. Now, eight years have passed, still... No burger. A man who sat at the table behind them calls to Marshall. Man: I couldn't help but overhear. Marshall: Okay, here we go. Man: I know the place you're talking about. Marshall: No, you don't. Man: It's a place called the Corner Bistro. Greatburger. Marshall: Oh, the Corner Bistro! It's amazing, I spent a quarter of my life searching for the best burger in New York City, but silly me, it never occurred to me to check the highest-rated burger in the Zagat guide. Wow, thanks a lot, guy. Let me return the favor. Great cup of coffee: Starbucks. Irritated, he makes him sign leave them quiet. Robin: So I take it you've tried the Corner Bistro. Marshall: Robin, I've tried every so-called best burger in New York City trying to find that burger. Or at least forget about her. [Flashback] Corner Bistro Marshall and Lily are eating a burger. Lilly questions him of the glance, he shakes the head. Paul's place Marshall shakes the head. [SCENE_BREAK] He throws his burger to his plate. Veggie Heaven Marshall (getting up): We're going. [End of Flashback] At McLaren's Marshall: But none of those places even came close. Ted: There was that one time we thought we had a break in the case, remember? [Flashback] At Ted and Marshall's apartment Barney: Get this. You know who works out at my gym? Regis Philbin. Marshall (Watching Ted): The autographed picture. At the gym Regis Philbin (Lifting weights): Of course I remember the place. It was the best burger I ever had. I still have dreams about this burger. Beautiful, haunting dreams! I wake up at night screaming, "Get out of my head, burger! Get out!" Marshall: That's the one, Mr. Philbin. Do you remember where it is? Regis Philbin(He knocks in a bag of boxing.): No! I never wrote it down. But not a day goes by that I don't regret it. (To Marshall) Why? Why? Do you know where it is? Marshall: No. Regis Philbin (Threatening him with his fists.): And if you tell me it's at the Corner Bistro, I'm gonna smack you right in the face! Barney: No. No, we don't know where it is. Regis Philbin (Taking Barney by the collar): Listen, Blondie! Don't mess with me! Daddy needs his meat. Barney: I don't know where it is, Regis, I swear! Regis Philbin (To Marshall): What about you, Lurch? (To Ted) And what about you, satchel-mouth? (Giving a card to Barney) This is my cell. You find that burger; you call me day or night. Barney: OK, Regis, we will, we will. Regis Philbin:What are you waiting for? Get out and find the burger! Barney: All right. Regis Philbin: Let's go, all of you! [End of flashback] At McLaren's Marshall: That's where my story ends. Now I'm doomed to walk the earth forever searching for that green door and that red neon sign that says "Burger." Robin: Green door, red neon sign that says "Burger?" Marshall: Yeah. Robin: I know that place. I've walked by it a million times. It's on West 12th, right off of 7th. Marshall: I knew it was on a numbered street! Wendy gives to Robin her burger. Robin is going to eat it. Robin: Finally. Marshall (taking Robin's burger in his hands): No! Robin! If any of us is gonna eat a burger tonight, it's gonna be the best burger in New York. We're going downtown! He throws away the burger. Robin: No... [SCENE_BREAK] In a cab Marshall: I cannot believe we're finally gonna have this burger Lily: Honey, I'm so excited for you. After all these interviews, after all these disappointments, you deserve a triumphant mouth full of meat. Barney: You know what else is a mouthful? All that double-talk other banks give you. At Goliath, customer satisfaction is our most important investment. Lily: Barney, I hate to break this to you, but working for a bank's kind of lame. Barney: How lame is free automatic bill pay? How lame is 3.3% APY online savings? Yeah, that's right. Hate to make you look stupid in front of your friends, but you left me no choice. He laughs. Ted: We should probably call Regis. Barney: Reg... (He takes his phone.) That guy scares me. I think I'll leave him a text. "Million Dollar: Heads or Tails" - Studio set Regis Philbin: Now, Kathy, your last flip was heads. The one before that was tails. You polled the audience; they came out split, 50/50. No help at all there. So, for $258,000... I have to ask you, Kathy, what's it gonna be: heads...or... (His phone rings, he reads the text and starts to leave the studio.) Excuse me. Oh, boy. I've got to go. I've got to go! In the streets - In front of a green door Marshall: Green door, red neon sign. Guys, this is the place. I've actually, I prepared a few words. Robin (On nerves): I will eat your hand. Marshall:Let's just go inside then. Shall we? In the restaurant The waitress gives us their burger, except to Robin. Marshall (to the waitress): Thank you. Waitress:Yours will be right out. Robin: Please, go ahead, start. They make as if they could wait. Robin: Just shut up and eat. Barney: All right. Everyone starts to eat his burger. Ted: Oh my god. I'm never brushing my teeth again unless it's with a toothbrush made from this burger. Lily: I think I just had my first burg-asm. Barney: I want... to take this burger out to dinner, then maybe a movie, then take it back to my place, put on a little Terence Trent D'arby, and then I would just... fool around a little bit. Nothing serious, just take it slow, you know? Marshall (putting his burger in his plate): This isn't it. Everybody: What? Marshall: It's not it. Ted: Marshall, you might not want to hear this, but... is it at all possible this is the same burger you had eight years ago, only it could never live up to your ridiculously high expectations? Robin: I mean, it is just a burger. Marshall: Just a burger? It's so much more than just a burger. I mean, that first bite... Oh, what heaven that first bite is. The bun, like a sesame-freckled breast of an angel, resting gently on the ketchup and mustard below. Flavors mingling in a seductive "pas de deux". And then... a pickle the most... playful... little pickle, and then a slice of tomato, a leaf of lettuce, and a... a patty... of ground beef, so... exquisite...swirling in your mouth, breaking apart and combining again in a fugue of sweets and savories so... delightful. This is no mere sandwich of grilled meat and toasted bread. This is God... speaking to us through food. Lily: And you got our wedding vows off the Internet. Marshall: Okay, look, so, so this, this isn't the place. All right, it's no big deal. It's another place with a green door and a red neon sign that says "Burger". I'll just... I'll call every restaurant in Manhattan and ask 'em what colour their door is. No big deal, right? Let's do this. He leaves the restaurant. Robin: I'm going to go out on a limb here and say this isn't just about a burger. Lily: Marshall's not doing so well, guys. He really needs to get a job. Ted: Tell them about the underpants. Robin: What about the underpants? Lily: It started a couple of weeks ago. [Flashback] Marshall is lying on the couch, watching TV. Marshall: Heads! It's going to be heads. It's almost usually heads. Lily comes in the apartment. Lily: Hey, baby. Marshall: Hey! Lily: Did you put on pants today? Marshall: Nope. They laugh. [End of flashback] Lily: It was funny at first, but then it became a daily thing. I thought, "Okay, well, at least he's not leaving the house like that." Then, one day, he opened the door to get the paper. Day after that, went downstairs to get the mail. Ted: Everyone's got an underpants radius. For most of us, it's the distance from the bedroom to the bathroom, but as your self-esteem gets smaller, your underpants radius gets bigger. Robin: How big is Marshall's underpants radius? [Flashback] Veggie Heaven Marshall: We're going. He gets up from table and we can see that he's wearing underpants. [End of flashback] Ted: Come on, Lily, he'll find a job eventually. Barney: You know, Lil, when times are tough, I like to remember the uplifting words of my favourite song. He starts singing. "We'll be on your side when you need a friend. Through thick and thin you can always depend. On the world leaders in credit and banking. Goliath National Bank." Member FDIC. Lily: We've got to find Marshall that burger. Ted: Lily, I think we're all eating that burger. Robin: I'm not eating that burger. Lily: No, if Marshall says this isn't the burger, this isn't it. The waitress arrives with Robin's burger. Robin: Finally. Lily: Excuse me. Did you guys change cooks or something? Because my husband was here 5 years ago, he's sure he had a different burger. Robin is trying to take the plate. Waitress: Yeah, we get this a lot. This place is modelled after this other place uptown with the same green door and "Burger" sign. Ted: What? Uptown? Where? Waitress: 106th and Manhattan Avenue. Robin takes her plate when Ted, Lily and Barney are leaving the restaurant. She's going to eat the burger when Barney makes her sign to come. Robin: Damn it. In a cab Marshall: 106. A numbered street. Of course. Barney's phone rings. He answers. Barney: Barney Stinson. Regis Philbin (in front of the last restaurant): Barney, where the hell are you? Barney: I'm sorry, this is...? Regis Philbin: Regis. I'm at the place. Barney: Of course. I'm sorry, I forgot to call you. That's not the place. The real place is on 106th and Manhattan Avenue. We're headed there right now. Regis Philbin: What? Uptown? He breaks a mail box. Fine, fine, I'll be there in 20. If you get there first, medium rare. Barney: Onions? Regis Philbin (screaming): Onions? Barney: Okay, no onions. Marshall: Stop the cab! They come down from the taxi and Marshall begins to look for the famous green door. Marshall: Wait. This is it. Man in the streets: Your search is over. We got girls taking off their clothes. Marshall: This is it. They discover a Goliath National Bank ATM. Barney: One of 9,000 convenient locations. Marshall: It was ri... it was right here. It was... it was right on this very spot. Robin: I don't understand. Where is the burger place? Ted: It's not a burger place anymore; it's a Goliath National Bank ATM. Robin (getting crazy): That's fine. Let's just eat here. Ted: We can't eat here. It's an ATM. Robin: But... food. Lily starting to hit Barney with her fits. Barney: What the... Lily: This is your fault, you and your stupid bank. You did this. Barney: It's not my... Stop, okay. She hits his knee. Stop that, Lily. Lily: I will never use a Goliath ATM ever again. Goliath National Bank sucks. It's the worst bank on the face of the earth. Attention, New Yorkers, this bank sucks! They suck! Barney: Marshall, Geez. Lily: They suck, suck! Barney: Will you just tell her already? Lily: Tell me what? Tell me what? Marshall: I got a job. Lily: What? Where? Marshall: Goliath National Bank. That's why Barney's been going on and on about how, how great Goliath is. He wanted you to be excited for me since we will to working together. Barney: Well, technically not together. You won't have access to my floor. Lily: But you want to be an environmental lawyer. Marshall: Yeah and I also want to be a Harlem Globetrotter and get paid in candy, but in the meantime, I need a job, and this is, this is a really good one. It's great pay and there's good benefits, and to be honest, it gives me a reason to put on pants in the morning. You know, I have my whole life to save the planet, but right now I'm kind of really excited to wear pants again. Lily: You've got great pants. Marshall: I love you. Lily: I love you. They hug while Robin is searching into the dustbin. Ted: Robin, no! Robin: They're unopened. Ted: Give it. Robin: They're barbecue. Ted: Give it! He takes her a package of chips. Lily: I'm sorry you didn't get your burger. Marshall: It's stupid. I think about that first week in New York. You know? I was 22 years old. I had my whole future ahead of me. I guess I just kind of thought that if I could have that burger one more time and feel that way for one more night, that I might be able to check that off the list, and grow up, go work for the stupid bank, and just... be happy. Man: You know, that burger place isn't gone. It just moved to a new location. And I can tell you where that is for a hundred bucks. Robin (Licking an envelope.): A hundred bucks? That's crazy. Marshall: Let's pay the man. Lily: I paid for the cab. Ted: I have any cash. Marshall: I haven't worked since March. Barney: If only there were an easy, convenient way to get some cash right now. They all turn around face to the Goliath ATM. Barney: Member FDIC. Ted from 2030: So we paid the guy, and 20 minutes later... Restaurant The man tattooed from head to foot brings to Marshall his plate. Marshall: Thank you. Ted: All right, Marshall, remember. It might not taste as good. This place has changed, you've changed, New York has changed. Just... don't get your hopes up too high, okay? He begins to crunch his burger slowly. Marshall: This is it. Everybody: Yes! Marshall: It's exactly the same. It's the best burger in New York. Go ahead, eat up, eat up. Everyone starts to eat. Ted from 2030: And so, after finally tasting again the burger he'd craved for so many years, Marshall got up the next morning, put on some pants, and went to work, and he never looked back. Lily: I want to get tiny fitted sheets for this burger, and just... crawl into this bun, get all cosy, and die there. Robin: Oh, my God. I just want you inside of me. Barney: This feels so good. I'm worried I'm gonna get this burger pregnant. Marshall: If he does get that burger pregnant, I have dibs on the delicious burger babies. Regis Philbin: This isn't it. Everybody: What? Come on. Regis gets up. Barney: That's outrageous. Regis: That is unbelievable. Wait. This is it! Marshall: You were just freakin' teasing us. Regis: No, really.

Plan: A: Marshall; Q: Who ate his first New York burger? A: a mission; Q: What did Barney, Lily, Regis Philbin , Robin, Marshall and Ted set out on? Summary: Barney, Lily, Regis Philbin , Robin, Marshall and Ted set out on a mission to find the restaurant in which Marshall ate his first New York burger.

THE GREEN DEATH BY: ROBERT SLOMAN 5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. LIFT AREA (The cage descends into the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY (As it does so, the wheels of the lifting gear at the top of the shaft turn. The occupants of Bessie see this as they draw up.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Someone's going down! (The DOCTOR brakes the car.) DOCTOR: We must stop them! (They run into the pit head.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. ENGINE ROOM (They see DAVE at the gear levers in the engine room and run up to him.) DOCTOR: (Urgently.) Who's in the cage? DAVE: Oh...it...it's Bert Pritchard and the young lady from UNIT. DOCTOR: Well, stop winding! DAVE: No, I can't do that. They've gone down below to help Dai Evans. DOCTOR: Stop winding, I said! (DAVE looks at the DOCTOR and pulls the brake lever. There is no response except a scraping noise from the machinery.) DOCTOR: Quickly, man, quickly! DAVE: (Horrified.) I can't! The brake won't work! [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. LIFT SHAFT (BERT and JO are thrown across the cage as it drops like a stone down the shaft.) BERT: (Shouts.) ... ! Hang on! Try and hang on! (BERT grabs JO and they fall to the floor of the cage.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. ENGINE ROOM (A huge flywheel on one side of the engine room spins round as DAVE still desperately pulls at the levers.) DAVE: The clutch and brake are both gone! DOCTOR: What?! Well, there's only one thing to do! (He quickly looks over the room and spots a huge metal bar on the gantry near the turning flywheel. He runs over, picks it up and jams into the edge of the turning wheel. A tearing, scraping noise fills the room as the DOCTOR strains to keep the bar in place.) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Right - reverse the motor! DAVE: (Shouts.) That won't work! They'll be a cable break! DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Don't argue man! Do as I say! Brigadier! DAVE: Okay. (DAVE pulls at the levers again as the BRIGADIER runs and joins the DOCTOR in trying to keep the metal bar jammed in the flywheel.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. MACHINERY (Weights drop and a drum of cable turns as the machinery starts to slow down.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. ENGINE ROOM (The DOCTOR and BRIGADIER continue to strain at the lever...) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. MACHINERY (...as part of the machinery breaks apart. The cable drum slows.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. ENGINE ROOM DAVE: (Shouts.) It's slowing! (A small explosion occurs in the flywheel and the din in the room grows quieter.) DAVE: Though...don't know how long the cable holds? [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. MACHINERY (The cable drum stops turning.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. ENGINE ROOM (A larger explosion rocks the flywheel.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. LIFT SHAFT (The plummeting lift suddenly halts, knocking JO and BERT unconscious.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. ENGINE ROOM (The engine room is falling silent but smoke pours from the flywheel.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: It seems to have seized up. DOCTOR: Yes. (Coughs.) (At the levers, DAVE mops his brow.) DAVE: You know, I...I hand it to you, boyo. A few moments and they'd have had it. DOCTOR: How deep are they? (DAVE looks over at an indicator on the wall.) DAVE: Nearly six hundred yards. DOCTOR: How deep is the shaft? DAVE: (Quietly.) Six hundred yards. [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. LIFT SHAFT (JO comes to. The cable can constantly be heard straining.) JO: Bert? (BERT comes to and sits up, rubbing his neck.) JO: Bert? BERT: Blodwyn? JO: You alright? BERT: Oh, I think so. JO: What happened? BERT: Felt like brake failure. Can't happen in theory. (He helps JO to her feet.) BERT: Ah, steady now. JO: How are we gonna get out of here? BERT: Eh? Oh, not up, that's for sure. (He opens a hatch on the side of the lift. JO walks forward to look down but BERT stops her from going too far.) BERT: Steady now ... (He takes a screwdriver out of his pocket and drops it down the shaft. They listen for the noise of it hitting the ground which it does after a moment.) BERT: About twenty feet? That was really close. Ah, let's try to get down there. (He starts to pick up a length of rope in the cage.) JO: Well, can't they haul us up in a cage? BERT: Oh, doubt it. Anyway, we'll have to get out of here. Listen to that cable - could go at any second that. (He drops the rope over the edge and passes it to JO.) BERT: Right, there you go, Blodwyn. JO: Right. (JO takes the rope and steps to the edge.) JO: Bert? BERT: Huh? JO: Do you mind going down first? BERT: Alright, love. Here goes. (He climbs over the edge and steps out.) JO: Careful. (He starts to descend.) JO: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. ENGINE ROOM (DAVE examines the seized flywheel.) DAVE: Er, it's hopeless, man. The friction has welded it together. It...it's just scrap metal. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What about the other shaft? DAVE: No, it's a counterweight lift system, see? As one goes down, the other one comes up. So if one is jammed, so is the other. DOCTOR: Well, can you rig a donkey-engine and a pulley system? If we can free the other cage, we could use that. DAVE: I suppose so but it would be dangerous. DOCTOR: We'll just have to risk that. Mind you, it'd mean cutting the cable. DAVE: Yes, well, we haven't got any cutting equipment, you see? I mean, the mine's been out of action a year. But I know where we can get some. DOCTOR: Oh, where? DAVE: Global Chemicals. [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. LIFT GALLERY (JO and BERT reach the bottom of the rope and the floor of the gallery.) BERT: Okay? JO: Yes? BERT: Watch your feet now. JO: Right. (They walk through the gloom to the phone on the wall. BERT tries it.) BERT: Ah, useless! (He taps the cradle again.) BERT: Oh, the wire must have broken when the cage fell. (JO tries it.) JO: Oh, come on! (They hear a low moaning behind them and look round.) BERT: Hey, it's Dai! (DAI lies on the floor of the gallery. His hand and chin are glowing green.) JO: He's in a bad way. BERT: It's the same as poor dead Hughes - look! (He points at the green skin.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. ELGIN'S OFFICE (ELGIN sits in his spartan office at Global Chemicals on the phone.) ELGIN: (Into phone.) Good heavens - is anyone hurt? (He listens.) I see. You think you can get down to them? (Listens.) Cutting equipment? Why yes, we... (Suddenly the line cuts out. ELGIN looks at the phone in puzzlement.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. PITHEAD OFFICE (The caller is the BRIGADIER.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Cut off! (He starts to dial again.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. STEVENS' OFFICE (STEVEN'S flicks all the switches on the telephone to the 'on' position.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. PITHEAD OFFICE (The BRIGADIER finishes dialling and hears the bleeping of the engaged tone.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well now it's engaged! DAVE: Look, try the Wholeweal people - Jones the nutcake. They might have equipment for cutting cables - see? [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. HALL PASSAGE (In the hallway of Wholeweal, CLIFF JONES takes the call on a wall phone.) CLIFFORD JONES: (Into phone.) Cutting a cable? What cable? (He listens.) Why? (Listens.) What - Miss Grant?! (Listens.) But why was she...look, I'll come right over. (Listens.) No, no, we haven't - but Global Chemicals have. (Listens.) Well, yes, definitely. We tried to borrow it a few weeks back. (Listens.) Aye. [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. STEVENS' OFFICE (STEVENS and another man walk into his office. The little balding man, FELL, looks perturbed.) FELL: But why me? STEVENS: You're my senior man - they'll believe you. FELL: I'm sorry, Mr. Stevens, but I can't do it. STEVENS: (Quietly.) Of course you can, Fell. You must. FELL: It was too late to save the miner. He was already dead, but this! Well, to leave them trapped down there - it's...well, it's murder! STEVENS: Don't be ridiculous man. They'll never have survived a fall like that. I just need a little more time, that's all. (Coldly.) That mine must not be investigated. You know that as well as I do. FELL: One death is enough! (He turns to the door but HINKS is there and blocks the little man from leaving.) FELL: Will you please get out of my way! (HINKS looks impassively at him. Before anything else can be said, a deep sonorous VOICE booms out of the wall monitor screen on which is displayed a constantly twitching and undulating line like a oscilloscope that is in time to the VOICE. It is vaguely electronic and yet has a human tone...) BOSS'S VOICE: Stevens...? (STEVENS turns and looks up at the monitor.) STEVENS: Yes? BOSS'S VOICE: Process him. STEVENS: Is that wise? BOSS'S VOICE: It is necessary. Do as I say - process. STEVENS: Very well. FELL: (Nervously.) Er...who was that? STEVENS: Our boss - yours and mine. (FELL glances at the calm HINKS who smokes a cigarette.) FELL: I don't understand? (STEVENS stares at FELL.) STEVENS: You will, Fell - very soon. [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. LIFT GALLERY (Avoiding the glowing right hand, JO feels DAI'S left wrist.) JO: I can hardly feel his pulse. Have you ever seen anything like it before? BERT: No, never. JO: What could have caused it? BERT: Dunno. I tell you what though... JO: What? BERT: Whatever it was, it's still down here with us. [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. STEVENS' OFFICE (The BRIGADIER is back in STEVENS' office with the Director and ELGIN. The door opens and FELL walks in. His manner has changed and he seems stiff and wooden.) STEVENS: Ah, Mr. Fell. Our friend, the Brigadier, needs our help. I'm afraid there's been another accident. FELL: (Flatly.) Yes, sir. I heard. STEVENS: Good, good, now, erm... (An impatient BRIGADIER interrupts and turns to FELL.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Look, we need some cutting equipment - oxy-acetylene, that sort of thing and we need it fast. FELL: I'm very sorry, Brigadier, but we have nothing of that kind. (The BRIGADIER is amazed. Behind his back, ELGIN looks in astonishment at STEVENS.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What - in a place of this size? FELL: The emergency equipment was withdrawn some time ago, to be replaced by thermic lances. They have not yet arrived. (STEVENS looks almost amused.) STEVENS: Oh dear, oh dear, you'll think we're woefully ill-equipped. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I find it very hard to believe. (STEVENS steps forward, looking the BRIGADIER straight in the eye.) STEVENS: You're not accusing him of being deliberately obstructive, I hope? (The BRIGADIER considers.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: No, of course not. STEVENS: Of course not. But you still have this problem, haven't you? (He heads for the door...) STEVENS: Oh, have you tried Professor Jones. (...and opens it for the BRIGADIER making it clear that the meeting is over.) STEVENS: Oh no, now I come to think of it... BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (To FELL.) 'Scuse me. (The BRIGADIER follows STEVENS out and their conversation reaches ELGIN and FELL from the corridor.) STEVENS: ..., they tried to borrow ours yesterday, so presumably they can't have any now I come to think about it... (A still amazed ELGIN approaches the still FELL.) ELGIN: What on earth's going on, Ralph? We must have some cutting tools here - dammit, people's lives are at stake! (FELL speaks coldly and without emotion, like an automaton.) FELL: I have given an exact account of the position. ELGIN: You feeling quite well? FELL: Perfectly. I must go. (He turns to leave but ELGIN holds him gently by the arm.) ELGIN: No, hang about, old son - no panic. I've been wanting to have a word with you. FELL: About what? ELGIN: Oh, our revered lord and master - friend Stevens. (FELL turns and faces ELGIN like a robot swiveling round.) FELL: Well? ELGIN: (Sighs.) It strikes me he's a bit too keen to hush up the green man bit. Is there something I don't know? FELL: I cannot discuss our Director with you, Elgin. ELGIN: (Amused.) Elgin? FELL: Your attitude will be reported. ELGIN: Reported? You sound like a head prefect. FELL: Disloyalty cannot be tolerated. ELGIN: Oh, we're not in the army now, you know. FELL: The Director shall hear of this. (FELL turns and leaves, watched by a perturbed ELGIN.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS (The BRIGADIER approaches his white sports car and gets in. He takes his TM45 radio off the seat and extends the aerial.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Greyhound to trap one - over? UNIT RADIO OPERATOR: (OOV: Over radio.) Trap one. Go ahead, Greyhound. Over. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Let me talk to Captain Yates... [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. LIFT GALLERY (JO and BERT are still crouched down by DAI EVANS. JO looks nervous. BERT tries to be comforting.) BERT: Scared? JO: Bit. (They suddenly hear a crashing sound from a distant gallery.) JO: What was that? BERT: Oh, it's only a touch of settling, love. The old mine's snoring a bit, isn't she? JO: Oh, what are they doing up there, Bert? BERT: Oh ho! It takes time, girl, takes time. (He hugs her.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. PITHEAD OFFICE (CLIFF has reached the pit and watches as DAVE speaks to the National Coal Board on the phone.) DAVE: (Into phone.) Hello, NCB? Llanfairfach here. Look, there's been more trouble. (The DOCTOR bustles in.) DAVE: (Into phone.) Yes, another accident. DOCTOR: Well, that's where you're wrong! DAVE: (Into phone.) Hang on a minute, will you? (To the DOCTOR.) What is that you say? (The DOCTOR places a small metal bolt on the desk in front of the little Welshman.) DOCTOR: Recognise that? DAVE: Yes, it's...it's...it's a cotter pin. DOCTOR: Yeah, precisely. I found it on the floor. It had been removed from the brake linkage. This was no accident, Mr. Davies. This was deliberate sabotage! [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. LIFT GALLERY (JO feels DAI'S brow.) JO: He's much worse. We can't just stay here. BERT: What else can we do? JO: But he might die. (BERT thinks.) BERT: Hang on...I've just thought of something. JO: What? BERT: Well, the last time I got trapped, it was over in the west seam. There was an emergency shaft sunk there. JO: Well, can we get to it? BERT: Well, the whole seam was filled up right after. Too dangerous to work any more, they said. But the shaft might still be open. JO: Well, it's better than staying here. BERT: Aye, I wonder if I can remember the way though? D...got a bit of paper? JO: Erm... (She searches the pocket of her overalls.) JO: Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. ENGINE ROOM (The BRIGADIER walks through the pit office and into the engine room as the DOCTOR and DAVE, watched by CLIFF look over a wall plan of the mine.) DOCTOR: What about the west seam here - can we reach them through there? DAVE: No, that's closed after a bad fall. Fourteen killed... BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: No luck, Doctor, they haven't got any. DOCTOR: That's ridiculous! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Thought it a bit funny myself. DAVE: Well, that's nonsense, man. We had the equipment up here a fortnight ago. I took it back myself. It's in the storage shed behind the power house. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, I've only quoted what the technical fellow told me. CLIFFORD JONES: You should have insisted! (The BRIGADIER looks in puzzlement at the long-haired young man.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Erm, who...who's...? DAVE: Oh, this is, er, Professor Jones. (The DOCTOR, absorbed until now with the immediate problems facing them, turns round and looks at CLIFF.) DOCTOR: Is it indeed? I hadn't realised. (He walks up to CLIFF and shakes his hand.) DOCTOR: I've been wanting to meet you for a long time. Your paper on DNA synthesis was quite remarkable for your age. CLIFFORD JONES: A promising youngster, huh? DOCTOR: No, no, no, I mean for the age that you live in. Now, you were about to make a suggestion, I believe, Professor? CLIFFORD JONES: Why don't we just go back to Global Chemicals and take the equipment, by force if necessary? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Out of the question. Now then, let's talk sense, shall we? Now, where's the nearest town where we can get some cutting equipment - Newport? DAVE: Well, that's the nearest - yes. But it's quite a way from here. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, we'd better get started then. DAVE: I'll come with you. I know the place fairly well. It's near the gasworks... (They leave the office. The DOCTOR smiles and puts a friendly arm across CLIFF'S shoulder.) DOCTOR: You know, Global Chemicals is beginning to interest me. Tell me, Professor, do you know the layout? CLIFFORD JONES: Aye, very well. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? (The DOCTOR smiles at him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. MAIN GATE (One of the Guards on duty at the main gate of Global Chemicals hears a strange commotion made up of drums and cymbals and walks forward to investigate. Coming down the road which runs next to the chain-link fence at the side of the complex is a strange procession made up of people from Wholeweal. The guard runs into the small booth next to the barrier and picks up a radio microphone.) GUARD: (Into microphone.) All security units to front section. (The procession comes nearer. CLIFF leads it banging a huge drum while the others play a motley collection of cymbals, accordions or pipes and carrying an assortment of banners which read "STEVENS MUST GO", "STEVENS OUT!", GC = GLOBAL CORRUPTION", "KEEP LLANFAIRFACH CLEAN" and "SAVE OUR VALLEY FROM POLLUTION". They repeatedly chant "Stevens out!" as they near the gate.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. COMPLEX (All over the complex and grounds of the site, guards pick up the message on their radios...) GUARD: (OOV: Over radio.) Demonstration at main gate. (...and come running.) GUARD: (OOV: Over radio.) I repeat: all security units to front section. [SCENE_BREAK] 32: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. MAIN GATE (The demonstration comes nearer.) [SCENE_BREAK] 33: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. COMPLEX (Another guard runs out of the building.) GUARD: (OOV: Over radio.) Demonstration at main gate. [SCENE_BREAK] 34: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. MAIN GATE GUARD: (Into microphone.) assist. (CLIFF vigorously bangs his drum.) CLIFFORD JONES: Stevens out! [SCENE_BREAK] 35: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. COMPLEX (Another guard opens an inner gate to make his way towards his colleagues.) [SCENE_BREAK] 36: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. MAIN GATE (The procession reaches the gate.) CLIFFORD JONES: Stevens out! [SCENE_BREAK] 37: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. BACK OF THE COMPLEX (Another guard reacts to the radio message, running past a sign which reads: DANGER ELECTRIFIED FENCE A Land Rover pulls up to the fence along a perimeter road. It has the logo on the side of the South Wales Electricity Board and has a Hy-Mac hoist crane fitted in the back. The DOCTOR gets out and climbs into the cradle of the crane. He pulls the operating levers and the cradle starts to rise. He manoeuvres it over the edge of the electrified fence, climbs over the edge and drops to the ground. He takes a hand-drawn map of the complex out of his pocket, consults it and moves off towards the buildings. He doesn't see that he has run straight past a red sensor fixed into a metal plate in the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] 38: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. STEVENS' OFFICE (An electronic voice is heard in STEVENS' office. The Director listens intently.) VOICE: Ground sensors picking up unauthorised footsteps - power house section. Cameras alerted. [SCENE_BREAK] 39: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. COMPLEX (The DOCTOR, reading the map, walks past a series of pipes and stop-wheels. As he moves off, a security camera follows his progress.) [SCENE_BREAK] 40: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. STEVENS' OFFICE VOICE: Picture available. (The DOCTOR appears on the wall monitor in STEVEN'S office. Over it, the undulating line of the oscilloscope is superimposed as the sonorous and mysterious VOICE booms out at STEVENS...) BOSS'S VOICE: Who is this? STEVENS: One of the UNIT personnel. I saw him talking to the Brigadier earlier. What instructions? BOSS'S VOICE: No action...yet. [SCENE_BREAK] 41: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. COMPLEX (The DOCTOR walks down a narrow section between a brick wall and a storage tank. Reaching the end, he checks carefully round the corner and moves on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 42: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. STEVENS' OFFICE VOICE: Entering number six sector into main storage area. (STEVENS continues to watch the wall monitor intently.) STEVENS: Shall I terminate him? BOSS'S VOICE: Negative. Apprehend him. Find out his function and purpose. [SCENE_BREAK] 43: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. COMPLEX. YARD (The DOCTOR runs by the side of some more pipes and reaches the end of a ledge bordered by a barrier. He looks out across a yard on the other side of which are some corrugated metal storage sheds. He consults the map once more, jumps over the barrier and starts to run across the yard. Suddenly, a guard's voice booms through a fixed wall megaphone-speaker.) GUARD: (OOV: Through speaker.) Stop! (The DOCTOR halts and looks round with a rueful look on his face.) GUARD: (OOV: Through speaker.) Stand still! Perfectly still! Put your hands above your head! (The DOCTOR wearily does as instructed. A metal hatchway in the side of one of the buildings rises and HINKS and two guards step out of a storage bay.) [SCENE_BREAK] 44: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. GALLERY (BERT in front and a nervous JO make their way down a gallery towards the west seam. BERT is carrying the lamp off his helmet in his hand like a torch. JO stops.) JO: Bert? (He comes back to her.) JO: Bert, I... BERT: Oh, never fear, Blodwyn, Bert is here! Come on. (He helps her on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 45: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. COMPLEX. YARD (HINKS and the guards jump down from the storage bay and walk up to the DOCTOR. HINKS carries a small pistol and indicates to the guards to stand back slightly.) HINKS: Well, well, well, bit old to play games, ain't we? DOCTOR: I'm quite spry for my age actually. HINKS: Oh, gonna have a go? Terrific! (The DOCTOR cries out and knocks HINKS to the ground unconscious with a karate chop. Another guard runs forward with his truncheon raised but the DOCTOR easily flips him over his back. The next guards arm is grabbed and he too is flipped over. The first guard gets up, raises his truncheon again and receives a jab to the stomach and a throw for his pains. The second guard tries again and grabs the DOCTOR round the back of the neck. The DOCTOR retaliates with a arm jab to the man's stomach and throws him into his recovering colleague. All three attackers now lie still on the ground.) DOCTOR: Venusian akido, gentlemen. I do hope I haven't hurt you? (He hears footsteps and looks up to see four more guards, armed with rifles, run round a corner and in his direction. He runs off and round a corner.) [SCENE_BREAK] 46: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. COMPLEX (He makes his way into a small semi-open pipe house but finds it is a trap. A barred gate shuts across one door and another through the door by which he entered. He is looking round for another exit when STEVENS and a recovering HINKS appear at one set of the bars.) STEVENS: Who are you? What do you want? (The DOCTOR looks through the bars at his captor.) DOCTOR: I'm afraid you have me under several disadvantages, sir. Er, whom am I addressing? STEVENS: Forgive me. My name is Stevens. I'm the Director of this project. DOCTOR: Yes, and very efficient it is too, if I may say so. STEVENS: (Coldly.) Thank you. You were about to explain your purpose. DOCTOR: It's really quite simple. I'm attached to UNIT as a scientific advisor. STEVENS: Ah, the errant Doctor. DOCTOR: We urgently need cutting equipment at the mine. You have refused to give it. Now my information is that it is stored in that shed over there. (He nods in the direction of the shed.) STEVENS: My dear Doctor, you could have saved yourself all this bother. Why didn't you ask to see me? Please...help yourself. (STEVENS looks at HINKS who presses a button on the wall of the corrugated metal shed behind him. The bars slide back. STEVENS and HINKS stride off and the DOCTOR follows. Across the yard, two guards slide back the metal door of the shed, revealing nothing beyond bar the breeze block walls.) STEVENS: You see? DOCTOR: (Unconvinced.) Mmm. HINKS: Come on, Doctor. (He gestures to the DOCTOR to follow him and they set off. Across the yard, ELGIN walks through a gate having witnessed everything.) [SCENE_BREAK] 47: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. GALLERY (JO and BERT crouch down as they move along another gallery. JO is having difficulty in breathing.) JO: It's getting very stuffy in here. BERT: Oh, take deeper breaths now. It's better for you. (JO does so and they move on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 48: EXT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY (The BRIGADIER and BERT come to a halt in the soldier's car outside the mine. On the back seat are two large gas cylinders of a cutting and welding set. DAVE calls out to two waiting maintenance miners.) DAVE: Come on, lads, look sharp. (As the two men get out of the car, the two miners start to lift out the cylinders.) [SCENE_BREAK] 49: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. PITHEAD OFFICE (The DOCTOR is sat in the pit office going through a sheet of diagrams and calculations with CLIFF.) DOCTOR: The breaking strength at this point should be in the region of a hundred and twenty three, point thirty-six pounds. CLIFFORD JONES: Aye, that's right. (The DOCTOR shoots the young man a look but at that moment the BRIGADIER walks in.) DOCTOR: Well, you're back quickly, Brigadier? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Oh, sheer luck actually, Doctor. (Behind him, DAVE and a miner start to carry the equipment through to the winding room.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Stopped for petrol and there was a fellow in the corner of the garage cutting up an old banger. Everything under control here? DOCTOR: Thank you, yes. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Good. (He goes through to the engine room...) [SCENE_BREAK] 50: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. ENGINE ROOM (...where DAVE is starting to assemble the cutting gear.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Right, will it take you long to set it up? DAVE: No, not long once we get started, see? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Good, right, well I'll find some gear. DAVE: Oh no, it's my job to go down, isn't it? I mean, it's my responsibility, isn't it? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: As the one in charge... DAVE: Look here, you're not in charge of me, mate! (CLIFF and the DOCTOR come through from the office having heard this exchange.) CLIFFORD JONES: If you want a volunteer...? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Interrupts.) Look, there's no question of a volunteer... DOCTOR: (Interrupts.) Indeed there isn't, Brigadier. Jo and the others need my help now. So, if Mr. Davies and some of his colleagues would come with me? DAVE: Oh, you couldn't stop me, man! [SCENE_BREAK] 51: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. GALLERY (BERT forges ahead but JO is still finding breathing a bit difficult.) JO: Can we stop for a bit, Bert? BERT: Oh no. Once you start, you've got to keep going. JO: Is it much further? BERT: Oh, we'll take a breather when we get there. JO: Okay. BERT: Come on now. [SCENE_BREAK] 52: EXT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY (A miner lights a huge cutting torch and puts the flame to a steel cable.) [SCENE_BREAK] 53: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. GALLERY (JO and BERT continue on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 54: EXT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY (The flame cuts through the cable and the miner signals to another.) [SCENE_BREAK] 55: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. LIFT AREA (The DOCTOR, in mining overalls and helmet, with DAVE and two others miners who have kitted up with helmets, enter the cage. DAVE presses the lift button and puts the mesh door across the entrance.) [SCENE_BREAK] 56: EXT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY (Up above, the two wheels on the lift tower start to turn in opposite directions.) [SCENE_BREAK] 57: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. LIFT SHAFT (The four men wait patiently as the lift descends.) [SCENE_BREAK] 58: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. GALLERY (JO and BERT are crouched down as they make their way through a narrow tunnel. JO is gasping with the effort.) BERT: Alright...nearly there... (BERT crawls out of the tunnel and is able to stand.) BERT: Oh, here we are now. (He helps JO out. The two are exhausted.) BERT: Oh...good...we'll take a rest now. Yes... JO: Oh, I could...I couldn't have gone another step. BERT: Oh, we haven't got far now...a hundred feet or so...and then we start to go up. ... Aye, the emergency shaft. Oh, it only goes up for about forty-five degrees. And it comes out on the hillside. JO: Oh... BERT: Let's us save the lamps, eh? (He switches JO'S helmet lamp off.) JO: Okay... (...and does the same to his own hand-held lamp. They are not plunged into darkness but BERT is too tired to notice the green illumination that reaches them. JO however does...) JO: Bert? BERT: Huh? JO: How can light get down here? BERT: Well, it can't. JO: Then how can I see you? BERT: (Puzzled.) Hey, some light somewhere? (They start to look round.) JO: What's that smell? It...it's like something rotting. BERT: Hey - look. (He points to where a thin green luminous trail is running down one of the walls. They walk over to look at it.) JO: Oh, that smell! What is it? BERT: I've never seen anything like that before. (He reaches out for it.) JO: I wouldn't t... (But it is too late as BERT dips his fingers in the slime. He cries out in pain.) BERT: Ah! It burns! [SCENE_BREAK] 59: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. LIFT GALLERY (The lift comes to a halt. DAVE takes the mesh door off. He, the DOCTOR and the two miners step out and DAVE immediately sees DAI EVANS on the floor. The glowing green encrustation has spread further and now covers his whole face.) DAVE: Here's Dai. (He reaches out to help him.) DOCTOR: Don't touch him. (The DOCTOR kneels down and looks over the man without touching him.) DOCTOR: He's dead. Come on, we'll find the others. DAVE: Yes, but they might... (The DOCTOR ignores whatever the little man was about to say and yells down the gallery.) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Jo?! DAVE: They might be dead too. DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Jo?! Where are you?! (His voice carries down the dark passage. DAVE notices a sheet of paper jammed near the phone.) DAVE: Look, Doctor. (He passes the sheet to the DOCTOR who reads it...) DOCTOR: "Couldn't wait any longer. Gone to find another way out. Jo." The idiots! Why didn't they wait? (He turns the paper over. DAVE sees what is scrawled on the back.) DAVE: That looks like a map of the mine. DOCTOR: Yes, of course. That's the west seam. Come on. Let's go after them. (He starts to walk off.) DAVE: Doctor? You can't go on your own. You don't know the mine. (To the miners.) Look, you two - take Dai Evans up and send the cage back for us. I'll come with you, Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] 60: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. WEST SEAM GALLERY (JO is having to help BERT along with his arm slung across her shoulder.) BERT: Hey, it's my turn to feel tired now. I must be getting on. (He manages a grin at her.) JO: Come on, Bert. Keep going. It's not far now. [SCENE_BREAK] 61: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. GALLERY (The DOCTOR and BERT make their way along a gallery previously taken by JO and BERT.) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Jo?! DAVE: (Shouts.) Bert?! DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Jo, can you hear me?! DAVE: Bert?! (He calls out in Welsh. They listen for a reply and move on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 62: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. WEST SEAM GALLERY (BERT is getting weaker as JO helps him along. Neither of them notices the green glow on BERT'S fingers.) JO: Hang on, Bert...that's it. BERT: Oh, it's no use. (He sits down at the side of the gallery. JO sits with him.) BERT: I can't go on. Oh, I feel so...oh, so bad... (He raises his hand to wipe his brow and the two notice with shock and horror the green glow on his fingers.) BERT: (Terrified.) Fraid I've had it! Like Dai! JO: No, it doesn't. Look, we'll find help. BERT: It's no use! You...you must go on. JO: (Appalled.) But I can't leave you too! BERT: It's my only chance! JO: But I can't! BERT: You must! You must please go on! JO: Alright then...I'll be as quick as I can. (Her face full of misgivings, she moves off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 63: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. GALLERY (The DOCTOR and BERT move along a low and narrow passage. The DOCTOR almost dislodges one of the pit props. They turn a corner and see that the gallery ahead is suffused with a green light.) DOCTOR: What's that light? DAVE: Where? DOCTOR: Up ahead - there. DAVE: (Shouts.) Bert? (He shouts again in Welsh.) DOCTOR: The light's green. BERT: Put our lights out then, Doctor. (The two men switch off their lights.) DOCTOR: Come on. (He takes a few paces but then stops and sniffs the stale air.) DOCTOR: Extraordinary smell. Come on. (They reach the place where the green slime trails down the wall.) DOCTOR: What is this stuff? (DAVE, like his colleague before him reaches out to touch but on this occasion is stopped in time.) DOCTOR: No, don't touch it! Come on, let's get on. [SCENE_BREAK] 64: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. ANOTHER PART OF THE WEST SEAM GALLERY (JO makes her way along.) [SCENE_BREAK] 65: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. WEST SEAM GALLERY DAVE: Wha... Here's Bert! DOCTOR: Where? (DAVE rushes forward to help the collapsed man.) DAVE: Bert? Bert? (BERT is gasping for breath and DAVE speaks to him in Welsh. BART raises his right infected hand.) DOCTOR: Dave - look at his hand! (DAVE jumps back. BERT is just lucid.) DOCTOR: Where's the girl? BERT: Gone on ahead... DOCTOR: (To DAVE.) Take him up to the surface - quickly as you can. Let the professor take a look at him. DAVE: What about you? DOCTOR: I'm going on ahead to look for Jo. Tell the Brigadier that I'll find her and bring her back but don't let anybody come down looking after us. You understand? DAVE: Yes, Doctor. DOCTOR: It's far too dangerous. (He moves off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 66: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. CAVERN GALLERY (JO turns a corner in the gallery where the green glow is stronger. She walks past a series of hanging rusting chains and sees a horrifying sight in front of her. Filling a natural cavern in the rock is a lake of the green slime and swimming within it are hundreds of maggots. But these creatures are way beyond their normal size. Each is some two to three feet long as it swirms in the mire. She steps back in disgust. Some distance behind her in the tunnel, the DOCTOR gets nearer.) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Jo?! Jo - are you there?! JO: (OOV: Ahead in the cavern.) Doctor - here quickly! (The DOCTOR moves on at speed and soon he and JO bump into each other in the green gloom.) JO: Doctor! Doctor - it's horrible! (She points back where she has come from.) DOCTOR: What is it? (He moves on to look. He reaches the cavern and sees the lake of giant maggots.) DOCTOR: Good grief! (He goes back to her.) DOCTOR: Come on! (They start to set off back the way they have come but all of a sudden there is a rumbling sound. The long-disused tunnel, disturbed by their movements, starts to collapse. Dust and rocks fall down, totally blocking their route back. To make matters worse, several maggots suddenly emerge from gaps in the debris. JO looks on in horror as the creatures start to shuffle towards them. One of them hisses at the pair with its small mouth filled with razor-sharp teeth...)

Plan: A: the mine; Q: What do the Doctor and the Brigadier attempt to rescue Jo and Bert from? A: Global Chemicals; Q: Who is uncooperative? Summary: The Doctor and the Brigadier attempt to rescue Jo and Bert from the mine but Global Chemicals prove distinctly uncooperative.

(Paige, Phoebe and Piper orb into Magic School.) Phoebe: Okay, how do we know Zankou's not here waiting for us? Paige: Because Magic School's protected from him, that's how. (Piper turns around and heads out the door.) Piper: (shouts) Leo?! (Phoebe and Paige follow.) [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - HALLWAY-- NIGHT] (They rush through the hallway and head for the Great Hall as they look for Leo.) Phoebe: Still, now that Zankou's got the Book of Shadows Piper: He can't use all of its powers, not without ours. (shouts) Leo! Phoebe: No, but he could use it to get our powers. I mean, it's been done before, right? Paige: Look, as long as we're here, we're safe. (Leo finds them in the hallway.) Leo: What's wrong? Piper: How are the boys? Leo: They're fine. They're sleeping. Why? Phoebe: Uh, Zankou's got the Book of Shadows. Leo: What? How? Paige: Well, as soon as we figure that out, we'll let you know. Phoebe: He broke us down. Paige: Okay, but how does that explain - Phoebe: (interrupts) Because our powers are tied to the Book and our emotions are tied to our powers, so by making us vulnerable, he -- Leo: He made the Book vulnerable, too. Piper: I guess he knew us a little better than we thought. Phoebe: The question is, what is he really after? (Leo looks at Paige.) Paige: What he's always after ... power. (Piper knows.) Piper: The Nexus. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. MANOR - MAIN HALL -- NIGHT] (Zankou flames into the sitting room clutching the Book of Shadows in his arms. Behind him, about a dozen other demons flame in and shimmer into the sitting room.) (Zankou smiles.) Za: Ah, it's good to be back. CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. VARIOUS SAN FRANCISCO CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. MANOR - BASEMENT -- NIGHT] (In the basement, the demons work on digging out the hole in the floor.) DEMON: There we go. (Zankou rushes down the stairs and heads over to his Demon in Charge, Kahn.) ZANKOU: How close are we? KAHN: We'd be a lot closer if we could use our powers to open it. ZANKOU: The nexus will view that as a threat, destroy us all. Remember it's neither good nor evil. It's just sheer unadulterated power, the kind The Charmed Ones have been harboring for far too long. Now it's my turn to play. KAHN: What'll be your first move -- once you possess it, I mean? ZANKOU: Oh, I don't know, uh ... I'll have full access to the Book of Shadows, of course, which means ... I'll have ultimate power. (Zankou laughs at the mere thought of it.) ZANKOU: I hope I don't get bored. DEMON: The Nexus, milord. (Zankou turns and finds the Demons standing out of the hole in the ground.) ZANKOU: Step back. (The demons step back. Zankou and Kahn head over to the hole in the ground. Zankou stops in front of the hole. He closes his eyes and starts the spell.) ZANKOU: (chanting) Natum adai necral... (Smoke starts to rise out of the hole in front of Zankou.) ZANKOU: (chanting) Daya intay layok! (In the smoke, the Shadow rises. With an awful roar, it hovers in front of Zankou as if it were just looking at him. Zankou opens his eyes and looks back at the Shadow.) (Suddenly, the Shadow slams into Zankou, seeping into him through his eyes. Zankou is pushed back as the Shadow fills him.) (The Shadow and Smoke dissipate.) (Zankou turns around, his eyes black pools of nothing.) ZANKOU: (Shadow's voice) It is done. (The demons in front of him, bow before him.) KAHN: What are your orders? (Suddenly, Zankou gasps in pain.) ZANKOU: Ah! (He staggers forward, raising his hands to his face as he screams. He turns and spews the Shadow out from his face and back into the ground.) (The Shadow screams as it disappears back into the ground.) KAHN: What happened? ZANKOU: The sisters -- they cast it out of me with a spell. KAHN: From the Magic School? Impossible. ZANKOU: Nothing's impossible there! (Angry, Zankou pushes the demons apart as he heads for the stairs.) KAHN: Where are you going? (He starts climbing up the stairs as he turns around.) ZANKOU: To the Book of Shadows ... to find a way to stop them! (Zankou leaves the basement. Kahn turns and looks down at the hole in the basement floor.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL -- NIGHT] (Meanwhile, the camera swings a full 360 degrees around the Great Hall. We don't see any of the sisters there.) (Camera stops on the sofa.) (Paige slowly stands up from her hiding place behind the sofa.) PAIGE: I think it worked. (Piper slowly stands up from her hiding place behind the large chairs lined up against one side of the wall.) (Phoebe stands up from her hiding place behind the large chairs lined up against the other side of the wall.) PHOEBE: How do you know? (Paige walks around the sofa and heads toward them.) PAIGE: Well, because if he'd already tapped into The Nexus, he would have broken in by now. Good thing you remembered that spell. (Piper heads toward the table.) PIPER: Well, we can't just keep casting it because he's gonna figure out a way around it sooner or later. (Phoebe joins them as they all gather around the table.) PHOEBE: Well, we have to get the book back before he does. PIPER: Okay. Any ideas? PHOEBE: Oh, I was hoping you'd have some. PIPER: Me? Why me? PHOEBE: Well, because you're the only one who still has any confidence around here. PIPER: Yeah, well, that's just 'cause I'm a good actor. PAIGE: Well, I hope you can fool the Book because unless we get our confidence back -- and fast -- it may not let us get it back. And if Zankou gets The Nexus first, there won't even be a point of trying. PHOEBE: Well, we can't let that happen. I mean, if he succeeds, then everything we've done in the last seven years means nothing, and I'm not willing to live with that. PIPER: Well, you might not have to. PHOEBE: Then we go down fighting. PAIGE: Well, which brings us back to how do we stop him? PHOEBE: Okay, let's think about this for a second. (Phoebe heads for one of the chairs.) We know Zankou as well as he knows us, right? (She sits down. Piper turns around to look at her.) PIPER: Yeah. So? PHOEBE: So, what is the one thing that Zankou wants more than the Nexus? PAIGE: (scoffs) Our heads on a platter? PHOEBE: Exactly. He hates us. He wants to kill us. So why don't we give him a reason, you know, piss him off enough so that the focus is off The Nexus and onto us? PAIGE: It could buy us time to get the Book back. It just might work. (Piper turns and looks at Paige.) PIPER: Yeah, unless he kills us first. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. POLICE BUILDING (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. POLICE STATION - BULLPEN -- NIGHT] (Sheridan sits behind her desk looking through a file. Agent Keyes walks into the bullpen and heads over to her.) AGENT KEYES: You Inspector Sheridan? SHERIDAN: Yeah. Who are you? (He shows her his ID.) AGENT KEYES: Agent Keyes, Homeland Security. (Sheridan puts her file aside.) You called, didn't you? SHERIDAN: Yes. Yes, I just was not expecting you until tomorrow. AGENT KEYES: Let's just say I was anxious to hear what you had to say. (Sheridan stands up.) SHERIDAN: All right ... what do you know about what happened to your Agent Brody? AGENT KEYES: You tell me. SHERIDAN: He disappeared, and I think I know who knows why ... the same people who probably know what happened to three other cops who were either killed or mysteriously disappeared in the past seven years: Inspectors Trudeau, Rodriguez, and Davidson. Then there are all the civilian cases, including one of their own sisters -- Prue Halliwell. AGENT KEYES: (unimpressed) That's it? SHERIDAN: "That's it"? Are you kidding? What? You need more? (By the look on his face, yes.) SHERIDAN: Okay, how about I think they tried to make me disappear, too? They put me in a coma, tried to get me to forget what I knew about them. AGENT KEYES: Actually, Brody's the one who put you in the coma -- on my orders. SHERIDAN: What? AGENT KEYES: We knew they knew you were onto them. We didn't want you messing up our investigation. SHERIDAN: How dare you?! AGENT KEYES: Easy, Inspector. This is bigger than you think, all right? Much bigger. Besides, I am here, aren't I? SHERIDAN: What with Brody's tranq gun? AGENT KEYES: No, with answers, the ones you've been looking for. SHERIDAN: Okay. AGENT KEYES: Do you believe in the paranormal, Inspector, that there may be forces, powers that exist beyond our own? That's what the Halliwells are involved in and we want blow the doors wide open on that little secret of theirs. (Sheridan looks utterly surprised, but on some level, she believes him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - ATTIC -- NIGHT] (Kahn walks into the attic and finds Zankou looking through the Book of Shadows.) KAHN: What are you looking for? ZANKOU: A reversal spell to stop them from keeping me from The Nexus. KAHN: But even if you find one, it might not work. You said yourself that without full access to the Book that it -- ZANKOU: I know what I said. There's a potion. KAHN: Why not just keep trying to take in The Nexus ... outlast them -- after all, they can't keep pulling it out of you -- timing it just right? Sooner or later, you'll have the power long enough to break through the protection of the magic school, then you can kill them. ZANKOU: You don't know them like I do. You can't take them head-on. It doesn't work. That's how demons die ... but not this demon, not this time. KAHN: This is no time for personal vendettas. I think your focus should be The Nexus, not the witches. ZANKOU: Are you challenging me, Kahn? KAHN: You brought me on as your counsel. I'm merely acting as such. If you are displeased with me, then -- ZANKOU: No. No, you have served me well and will continue to do so. And to that end, go to the kitchen and bring me up some mandrake, henbane, and some hemlock root. I'm making a potion. KAHN: To do what? ZANKOU: To steal their powers. There are other ways of gaining full access to the Book of Shadows. (Kahn turns and heads for the attic door.) (Camera moves down to the page Zankou's looking at. The spell is: Separate a Witch from her Power.") [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - STUDY -- NIGHT] (Phoebe is sitting at the desk writing something down as she looks through the various text books. Piper sits at another desk, more open books in front of her as she thinks.) PIPER: Wasn't there a confidence spell in the Book of Shadows? PHOEBE: Yeah. Remember we cast it on that waiter at Quake? PIPER: Wow, Quake. That was a long time ago. Maybe we should cast it on ourselves. We could use a little confidence. PHOEBE: Yeah, but that won't piss off Zankou. PIPER: No, but it might help us get the Book back. PHOEBE: What if we ... switched bodies with him instead? PIPER: Can't. He'd be in Magic School. PHOEBE: Ooh, right. How about a love spell? We could make him fall for one of us. PIPER: (chuckles) Sorry. I'm taken. PHOEBE: Yeah, well, I'm not. PIPER: Yeah, but you're not that desperate ... are you? PHOEBE: Well, those demons do have a way of keeping you warm at night. PIPER: Yeah, but that's only because they have fireballs. (Phoebe chuckles.) (Piper looks down at the open book she's looking at.) PIPER: (reading) "Hear secret thoughts ... stretch the imagination." (She looks at Phoebe.) What if we turn you into a banshee again and turn you loose on him? PHOEBE: Ooh, too much screeching. It's hard on my voice. Hey, I have an idea. What if we humiliated him and turned him into an animal, like we did that one time to everyone at P3, remember? PIPER: That spell backfired. PHOEBE: Yeah, well, beggars can't be choosers. PAIGE: (o.s.) Phoebe, Piper! Come here. I think I got something. (Phoebe and Piper stand up.) [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL -- GREAT HALL - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Paige is looking at something in the room with a smile on her face.) (Phoebe and Piper enter the Great Hall and find various magic beings inside - gnomes, valkyries, trolls, leprechauns, fairies - just to name a few.) PIPER: What are they all doing here? PAIGE: Reinforcements. (Phoebe smiles as she turns to look at Piper smiling.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE STATION - BULLPEN -- NIGHT] (A line of agents stream into the bullpen. They file past Inspector Sheridan on the phone with Darryl.) SHERIDAN: (to phone) You knew, didn't you? DARRYL: (from phone) Knew about what? SHERIDAN: (to phone) About the Halliwells, about who they really are. INTERCUT WITH: [EXT. STREET CURBSIDE -- NIGHT] (Darryl stands just outside his SUV's open back door as he talks on the phone.) DARRYL: (to phone) Listen, now Sheridan, no. I don't know what you're talking about. SHERIDAN: (to phone) The hell you don't, Morris. Were you gonna keep your mouth shut, even if I got killed, huh? DARRYL: Hey, Inspector, listen. SHERIDAN: No, you listen to me! The only reason why I'm not busting you right now is because I can't prove that you really knew. I can't believe that you didn't tell me, and I can't believe that you let them put me in a coma. DARRYL: Hey, hold it. I helped find you, okay? I'm the one who saved you. (Behind Darryl, Sheila returns with their son.) SHERIDAN: Look, you need to come in here, Morris, and you need to help us. DARRYL: "Us"? Who's "us"? SHERIDAN: Homeland Security -- they're all over it. It's a federal case now. SHEILA: Is something wrong? (Darryl glances back at Sheila.) DARRYL: (to Sheila) No. SHERIDAN: Morris, you can't run from this anymore, and you can't protect them anymore, either. SHERIDAN: Darryl, who is it? DARRYL: I don't -- I really don't have a choice. SHERIDAN: Then you better not warn them that we're coming, or I will bust you. (Sheridan hangs up.) (Darryl pulls the phone away from him and looks at it. He closes it.) SHEILA: Was that them? DARRYL: No. That was, uh ... Sheridan. SHEILA: Is everything okay? (Darryl turns and grabs the suitcases. He puts them in the back of the SUV.) DARRYL: It's not my problem, right? (trying to convince himself) They're on their own. (Darryl turns and walks past Sheila as he heads back to the building.) (Camera holds on Sheila.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - ATTIC -- NIGHT] (The cauldron explodes as another ingredient is added to the pot.) ZANKOU: Impressive. Hand me one of those vials, if you would. KAHN: How do you know it will work? (Kahn reaches for a vial and hands it to Zankou.) ZANKOU: I don't, but I assume if it's in their venerable book, it should. KAHN: But they're hiding in the magic school. How are you gonna get close enough to use it on them? ZANKOU: They're not gonna stay hidden for long. That's not their style. (Suddenly, there's a commotion downstairs. Zankou looks up, completely expecting it.) ZANKOU: As I was saying. (Zankou dashes out of the attic.) [INT. MANOR - STAIRS TO MAIN HALL - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Zankou and Kahn run down the stairs. In the background, we hear fighting going on.) ZANKOU: What the hell? [INT. MANOR - MAIN HALL - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (There in the main hall and sitting room are the magical creatures wrecking havoc on the demons below. The trolls run around the rooms causing the demons to run into each other. The valkyries fight demons as do the fairies and leprechauns.) (They're doing a good job of getting rid of several demons.) (Zankou powers up and energy ball and throws it at the giant. Kahn throws an energy ball at the valkyrie near by. Zankou throws an energy ball at the gnome in the back.) (A troll runs up to the base of the stairs. He looks up at Zankou and Kahn as they throw energy balls at the magical creatures.) (The fairy flies into Zankou, weaving around his head. Zankou's distracted and bats the fairy away with his hand.) (The troll takes the opportunity and runs quickly up the stairs. He runs circles around Zankou's feet causing him to trip down the short flight of stairs.) (The troll stops running. Kahn looks down at the troll and throws a energy ball at him. The troll explodes.) (Zankou is on the floor.) [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (A rainbow appears in front of the girls as they wait for word. The leprechaun appears.) LEPRECHAUN: Now! PIPER, PHOEBE AND PAIGE: (chanting) Something wicked in our midst, in our home where he exists. [INT. MANOR - MAIN HALL - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (Kahn walks down the stairs to check on Zankou.) KAHN: Are you all right? (A wave of orb lights pass over Zankou changing him into a pig with only his head intact.) (The magical creatures stop and laugh at him.) ZANKOU: (humiliated) Well, don't just stand there! Kill them all! (The magical creatures float, fly and run across the sitting room. Then Zankou realizes what's really going on.) ZANKOU: The Book! They're after the Book! (shouts) Stop them! (Kahn shimmers out of the main hall.) (Zankou closes his eyes as he thinks of the spell to restore himself.) ZANKOU: (chanting) Reverse the spell, from whence I fell. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Kahn shimmers into the attic.) (Piper, Phoebe and Paige are there. Piper blasts Kahn, sending him backward out the attic door and through the hallway.) PIPER: (to Phoebe) Hurry. Get to the book. Go, go, go! (Phoebe runs to the book to grab it, but it raises its shield up against her. Phoebe falls down backward onto the floor, hitting it with a thud.) PIPER: What happened? (Piper helps Phoebe up.) PHOEBE: It wouldn't let me take it. We should have cast a confidence spell. (Behind them, we hear Zankou flame into the attic.) ZANKOU: You're trespassing. (They turn around and see him standing in front of the attic window. Piper moves to blast him, but Zankou moves faster. He throws an energy ball at her, grazing her shoulder and throwing her backward across the attic floor.) (Piper hits the table with a thud.) (Paige and Phoebe turn to run toward Piper. They both kneel down to help her.) (Zankou sees his opportunity and throws the vial on the floor near Phoebe. It bursts and a cloud of white smoke rises up, unknown to her.) (Phoebe's magic leaves her. The white orb lights come out from Phoebe's back without her knowing it. The orb lights head straight to Zankou's waiting hand.) (Zankou absorbs Phoebe's powers.) (The sisters orb out of the attic.) (Kahn gets up and heads back into the attic. He appears dismayed that he's missed the sisters.) KAHN: I failed you. Forgive me. ZANKOU: Actually, it was a complete success. After all, we still have the Book, and, as an added bonus, I now have one of their powers. (Zankou smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL -- NIGHT] (Sandra, the Elder, heals Piper's wound. Piper is lying down on the couch.) SANDRA: Does it hurt? PIPER: Not any more than usual. (She glances over at Leo, Phoebe and Paige all standing nearby and watching.) This is getting old. LEO: You were lucky to get out of there at all. PAIGE: (sighs) Tell me about it. PHOEBE: He threw something at me, maybe a potion or something. LEO: Did it do anything? PHOEBE: I don't think so. (Sandra stands up and walks around them.) SANDRA: The magic from your book is not available to him yet. (Piper gets up.) PIPER: "Yet" being the operative word. PAIGE: Well, we wanted Zankou to focus on us. Now, uh, how do we survive that? LEO: You gotta get the Book back. PHOEBE: We tried, but it won't let us take it. (Phoebe sits down next to Piper.) PAIGE: Maybe he cast a protection spell on it? PIPER: Or maybe the Book doesn't remember who we are. PAIGE: Maybe it's because we don't remember who we are. LEO: Well, you've got remember. Now, you gotta go back. You gotta try again, together. SANDRA: Leo's right. You have to get the Book back if only to destroy the Nexus. PAIGE: Excuse me? SANDRA: There's a spell in the book, one you've never used before, called, "How to Banish a Suxen." PHOEBE: A Suxen? LEO: "Nexus" spelled backwards. SANDRA: It was put in there a long time ago as a last resort, in case we lost control of The Nexus, to keep it from evil. PIPER: But if we destroy the Nexus, good won't have access to it, either. We won't have access to it. (Sandra doesn't say anything.) PHOEBE: I don't think the elders think that we're gonna be around long enough to worry about that. SANDRA: Not necessarily. We're simply taking precautions. PIPER: Including -- let me guess -- sealing yourselves off from us in case we fail? SANDRA: Be well. (Sandra orbs out.) PAIGE: Eh! Excuse me? That's what you're leaving us with? Now what? LEO: Well, you can't just give up -- that's what. PIPER: Uhh, Leo -- LEO: Look, I mean it. You can't just give up. Your plan is working. You got Zankou off The Nexus. Now you just need to distract him long enough to get the book back. PHOEBE: He's too powerful. LEO: The hell he is. Look, you guys are The Charmed Ones. No one is more powerful than you guys are. How many times have you proven that over the years? You can't just give up. Look, you have a legacy to carry on, to pass on to the next generation, to our boys, to your future kids ... PAIGE: A bit wordy, isn't he? PIPER: Well, you know him with the exposition. PHOEBE: Doesn't mean he's not right. The question is, what's our next move? I mean, we can't just ask the leprechauns and the trolls for more help. PIPER: But maybe we could ask some bats. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) -- DAY] [INT. MANOR - SITTING ROOM -- DAY] (Kahn talks with Salko, another demon in his collective. Salko sits in a chair adjusting the make-shift bandage around his arm. He doesn't appear happy at all.) KAHN: Do I need to replace you? SALKO: No. I can still fight. I just don't know why we have to. KAHN: Meaning? (Salko stands up and looks at Kahn.) SALKO: Meaning Zankou has left us vulnerable to attack and for no reason. KAHN: Are you questioning him? SALKO: Aren't you? You know as well as I do that he should have taken in the power of The Nexus hours ago, but instead, he's given the witches an opening and we've lost demons ... friends. KAHN: Hold your tongue, Salko, or you'll lose more than that. (Zankou flames in.) ZANKOU: Send the others away. They're no longer needed. KAHN: You're going after The Nexus? ZANKOU: Yes ... but only after I get the other sisters' powers. I set a trap. (Salko and Kahn share a knowing look. Kahn turns and looks at Zankou. There's a long moment of Kahn not complying with Zankou's order.) ZANKOU: Was I not clear? KAHN: Perfectly. (Kahn turns to address his demons.) Away! (All the demons except Salko leave. Salko stares at Kahn, then he, too, shimmers out.) (Salko shimmers out.) KAHN: Do you really think they'll leave the safety of the magic school? ZANKOU: (confidently) I know they will. KAHN: How do you know that? ZANKOU: Because now that I have Phoebe's powers, I know exactly what they're gonna do next. They will not humiliate me again. (Zankou turns and heads up the stairs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE STATION - BULLPEN -- DAY] (Meanwhile, back at the police station, the feds have completely taken over the bullpen. They've set up a line of computers to monitor the various views of the Halliwell manor.) (An ND agent walks in carrying a Styrofoam cup. Agent Keyes looks up and takes the cup from the ND Agent.) AGENT KEYES: Thanks. (The ND Agent leaves. He passes Sheridan on her way into the station. She looks up at ) AGENT KEYES: Well? SHERIDAN: The judge denied our request for a tap. He wanted more evidence. AGENT KEYES: If we had more evidence, we wouldn't need a tap. We've gotta get in there. Call the A.G. Tell him I need to speak to him right away. We'll circumvent this. SHERIDAN: You're going to claim that they're terrorists? AGENT KEYES: I'm gonna do whatever it takes to prove who they really are. SHERIDAN: Then let me go in. Put the camera on me. AGENT KEYES: No offense, Inspector, but I've got better-trained agents. SHERIDAN: Nobody the sisters know, though. They'll let me in. They'll have to. I'll get you your evidence, live and in living color. AGENT KEYES: How? SHERIDAN: I'll provoke them. It shouldn't be too hard, seeing as how much they hate me already. If they've got these ... powers, as you say, I will make them use them. AGENT KEYES: I'm not willing to risk it. (Agent Keyes turns his back on her, dismissing her.) SHERIDAN: Maybe you're not, but I am. (Agent Keyes turns around and looks at her.) SHERIDAN: Look, you can do whatever you want with them afterwards. You can expose them, hide them, dissect them. I don't care. I just want to be the one to bust them. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. UNDERWORLD - CAVES] (Phoebe, Piper and Paige orb into the underground caves. Sleeping bats cover the ceiling underside.) PHOEBE: Okay, now what? PIPER: We draw out the Queen. PAIGE: How? (Piper starts blasting the bats hanging from the ceiling. The bats explode as she hits them one by one. They screech and scatter, attacking the sisters.) PAIGE: Ok, uh ... get. (Paige ducks from the bats.) PIPER: Okay, ladies, a little bit of help here, please. (Paige waves her hands at the flying bats.) PAIGE: Bats! (Two bats partially orb out as they're flying and smash into the other. They explode.) (Phoebe throws a potions vial and hits a bat as it's flying. The bat explodes. One by one, they continue to attack the bats.) (The Queen appears in the cavern.) QUEEN: Who are you? PIPER: Stop the attack before we kill you, too! PHOEBE: And then I'll kill all of your vampires. (The Queen raises her hand.) QUEEN: Cease! (All the bats obey and settle down on the ceiling.) QUEEN: What do you want? PAIGE: Actually, your help. PIPER: We have something in common: Neither one of us wants a certain demon to take over the underworld, right? QUEEN: I'm listening. PIPER: Well, if you help us stop him, you can keep the underworld in disarray like you guys like it, and we'll grant you immunity. QUEEN: Immunity? PHOEBE: From us. We'll never come after your family again. PIPER: And even better, you won't have to answer to Zankou. Interested? QUEEN: Very. PAIGE: Okay, well, then follow us. (Paige, Piper and Phoebe orb out. Once they're gone, the Queen makes no move to follow.) QUEEN: Fools. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR -- ATTIC -- DAY] (Paige, Piper and Phoebe orb into the attic.) ZANKOU: What took you so long? (Zankou is sitting on the table in front of them, waiting for them. Kahn stands just behind Zankou's left side.) PIPER: Where's the Queen? ZANKOU: Oh, she betrayed you. (Zankou stands up.) I got to her first. I knew you were coming, thanks to your premonition powers. (He looks at Phoebe.) (Suddenly, he throws the potions vial at Piper's feet. The white cloud rises up. Piper glows white and her powers leave her. The white orb lights go from her and over to Zankou's hand.) ZANKOU: And now I have yours. (Piper waves her hands. Nothing happens.) ZANKOU: Looking for this? (Zankou blasts Piper sending her flying backward to the other side of the attic.) PIPER: Unh! (She crashes to the floor.) (Paige and Phoebe rush over to Piper. Paige orbs them out.) (Kahn looks at Zankou.) KAHN: Why didn't you kill them when you had the chance? ZANKOU: Because I don't have all their powers ... yet. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL -- DAY] (Piper, Phoebe and Paige orb into the Great Hall. Piper is clutching her injured shoulder.) PIPER: Ow. PHOEBE: Okay, easy, easy. Let's sit down right here. (They lead Piper over to the couch.) (Paige looks up at the ceiling.) PAIGE: All right, a little help down here, please, little healing! (Piper sits down.) PIPER: They're not coming down. We're on our own now. (Piper looks at the blood on her hand.) PHOEBE: Yeah, two powers down. PAIGE: Something tells me we're not getting out of this one, girls. (Camera holds on Phoebe.) [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL -- DAY] (Leo tends to Piper's wound.) PIPER: Ow. LEO: Sorry. (Piper looks at Phoebe and Paige.) PIPER: Why does Zankou keep picking on me? Why can't he attack one of you two for a change? PAIGE: If it makes you feel better, I think I'm gonna be next. PHOEBE: He must've gotten the potion from the Book to steal our powers. PIPER: Yeah, well, he's two-thirds of the way there -- that is, unless he's got enough already to get in here. LEO: Well, he has more access to the Book now, which means he might be able to figure out a way soon. PAIGE: Well, we wanted him to come after us, right? Looks like we got our wish. LEO: You know, maybe I should get Wyatt to heal this. PIPER: No. I don't want to traumatize him again. PAIGE: Well, he's gonna be traumatized soon enough. I mean, who are we kidding? We're screwed. PHOEBE: Okay, well, if we're going down, we are not going down alone. LEO: We can't think like that. PHOEBE: Leo, I mean, come on. Let's be real. It's over. He's got our house, he's got our Book, he's got two of our powers. I mean, the only real question is whether or not we could take him down with us. PAIGE: I can't believe we're even having this conversation. PHOEBE: Yeah. Well, believe it. PIPER: How do we do it? PHOEBE: We've got to get that spell from the Book, the one that destroys The Nexus. LEO: And how is that gonna destroy Zankou? PHOEBE: We let The Nexus take in Zankou first and then cast the spell -- hit two birds with one stone. PIPER: Don't you mean five? We're gonna have to be in there to say the spell. PAIGE: Can't we just say it from here? PHOEBE: Not and get the timing right, no. PAIGE: Well, it's been nice knowing you ladies. (Suddenly, there's a loud explosion from outside the ceiling and a grunt of pain. Everyone looks up and around.) ZANKOU: (o.s.) Ugh! LEO: What was that? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) - DAY] (Zankou yells as he falls.) [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (We see Zankou flaming in as he falls from the attic ceiling. He lands on the floor with a thud.) (Kahn is standing nearby.) ZANKOU: Ugh! So close. (Zankou gets up and heads over to the Book.) ZANKOU: There must be another way in. KAHN: You're wasting valuable time. You need to take in The Nexus now. ZANKOU: No. I need to get into magic school and get their last power. KAHN: (angry) Listen to me! It is a trick! They draw you to them so you won't go after The Nexus. Don't you see that? They're playing you! You're gonna get us all killed. ZANKOU: I know what I'm doing. KAHN: No, you don't. (The two look at each other, both weighing and measuring their next move.) (Kahn throws an energy ball at Zankou just as Zankou throws one at Kahn. The two energy balls meet and explode between them.) (Kahn suddenly looks afraid of Zankou. Zankou walks over to Kahn.) ZANKOU: And I had such ... high hopes for you. (Zankou plunges his hand into Kahn's chest, a red glow of power going from Zankou into Kahn.) KAHN: Uhh! (Kahn explodes.) (Zankou shakes his head as he heads back to the Book.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE STATION - BULLPEN -- DAY] (Agent Keyes stands in front of one of the monitors. On the monitor, we see a video cam view of the Halliwell's kitchen.) INTERCUT WITH: [INT. MANOR - KITCHEN -- DAY] (Sheridan is inside the kitchen. On her lapel is a mini camera. The wall clock behind her reads 2:05p.) SHERIDAN: (to mic) Do you have picture? (Back at the bullpen, the monitor shows the Halliwell's kitchen.) AGENT KEYS: Yeah. We're good. You be careful. SHERIDAN: (to mic) Don't worry. (Sheridan heads for the door to the dining room.) (On the monitor, we see one of the dining room chairs overturned on the floor.) AGENT KEYS: Go ahead. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MORRIS RESIDENCE -- DAY] (The building door opens. Darryl, Sheila and their two sons leave the building.) SHEILA MORRIS: Hold hands. Hold hands. DARRYL: Why are you running? (They laugh and smile, a relaxed family on vacation.) (The door to the building closes and Leo appears in the pathway behind them.) LEO: Darryl! DARRYL: Oh. Leo. SHEILA: Leo! DARRYL: Where's you come from? How did you get here? LEO: A little help from magic school. Look, we need to talk. DARRYL: Listen, Leo, I am done talking, man. LEO: (interrupts) It's not just about the girls. It's about Sheridan. (Darryl looks at Sheila.) DARRYL: What about Sheridan? LEO: I know she's investigating the girls, but whatever you do, you've got keep her away from the house. Something big is gonna go down soon. DARRYL: Are they okay? (Leo's got a worried look on his face and opens his mouth as if to say something, but he stops.) SHEILA: Leo, what is it? LEO: Look, I know you're stuck in the middle of this, and for that, I'm sorry, but we need you to keep them away from the house until this is over, for Sheridan's sake, for everybody's sake. I gotta go. Take care. (Leo turns and leaves.) DARRYL: Hey ... Leo? (Darryl watches Leo leave. He turns and looks at Sheila.) DARRYL: Sheila, baby -- SHEILA: No, Darryl. You promised. DARRYL: Baby, I -- I can't just leave them high and dry. Look, there is nothing more important to me than you and those kids, nothing, but if we're about building a better future for our family, then I have to help the sisters. Isn't that what they're fighting for? SHEILA: Please promise me this'll be the last time. DARRYL: I promise. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BUILDING (STOCK) -- DAY] [INT. BENNETT'S RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY] (The door opens and Victor Bennett steps inside carrying a package of groceries. Suddenly, two women run out of the darkness, grab him and throw him over to the couch.) VICTOR BENNETT: Hey! What the - uhh! (Victor finds himself facing two leather clad women - one dark-haired, the other blonde. Neither one recognizeable.) VICTOR BENNETT: What the hell's goin' on? Who are you? PHOEBE (DISGUISED): Who are you? (The Blonde-haired woman kicks the couch for him to answer.) PIPER (DISGUISED): She asked you a question. VICTOR BENNETT: Victor. Victor Bennett. PIPER (DISGUISED): Do you think it's really him? PHOEBE (DISGUISED): If it was Zankou, he would have attacked us by now. (The dark-haired woman snaps her fingers. White orb lights swirl around the two women and they change back into Phoebe and Piper.) VICTOR BENNETT: (confused) What? PHOEBE: Sorry, dad. It was the only way we could be sure. PIPER: And we didn't want Zankou to know we were coming. VICTOR BENNETT: Zankou? Who is Zankou? PHOEBE: Long story. (Phoebe turns the lights on.) PHOEBE: (loudly) It's safe! (Paige orbs in carrying Chris while Wyatt stands next to her holding a large envelope.) PAIGE: Hey. VICTOR BENNETT: What the hell is going on? (Piper walks over to Wyatt.) PIPER: Thank you, sweetie. (She takes the envelope from him.) PAIGE: Is the guest bedroom that way? VICTOR BENNETT: Uh, yeah. PAIGE: (to Wyatt) Come on, baby. (Paige takes Wyatt and Chris into the guest bedroom leaving Piper and Phoebe to talk with Victor. As he leaves, Wyatt glances back behind him.) (Phoebe sits down on the couch arm rest.) PHOEBE: Look, dad, we're running out of time. And there's no gentle way to break this to you, so I'm just gonna say it. We're in some serious trouble. VICTOR BENNETT: What kind of trouble? PIPER: The kind of trouble we can't get out of. (Piper kneels down in front of Victor.) PIPER: In here is the deed to P-3 and the house already signed, our bank accounts, power of attorney, and the schedule for the boys. VICTOR BENNETT: Hold on. What are you talking about? I'm not gonna take that. PHOEBE: Dad, you have to. We need you to. You're all we have. PIPER: We can't explain everything right now. You just need to know this is our only way out. It's our only choice. Please, for them? VICTOR BENNETT: I don't understand. Are you saying I'm never gonna see you again? PHOEBE: No. Never say never. (Phoebe gives Victor a hug.) PHOEBE: Not in this family. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BENNETT'S RESIDENCE - GUEST BEDROOM-DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Paige is sitting in the guest bedroom with Wyatt and Chris. She holds Chris as Wyatt plays with his toys nearby.) (Phoebe and Piper walk into the room.) PIPER: Hey. PAIGE: Hey. How'd it go? (Piper smiles down at Wyatt.) PHOEBE: As well as can be expected. PAIGE: You know we're doing the right thing. PIPER: I hope so. (Piper kneels down in front of Wyatt.) PIPER: Hey, baby, can I see you for two seconds? Come here, come here. Just two seconds. Come here. Come here. (She stands Wyatt up.) PIPER: Listen ... I want you to know that mommy will always be close, okay? I will always be with you. Okay, give me a hug. Quick, quick, quick. (Piper hugs Wyatt. Paige cries as she watches.) PIPER: I love you so much. PHOEBE: We have to go, you guys. PIPER: Okay. Be a good boy. (Piper sets Wyatt down, then turns to Chris.) PIPER: Baby, come here. (She holds Chris.) PIPER: Be a good boy for grandpa, okay? Please, sweet baby? (She hugs Chris.) PIPER: Okay. (Piper stands up and carries Chris over to the crib. Paige stands up. Piper puts Chris down in the crib, then goes to stand next to Paige.) PIPER: Let's get this over with. (Paige orbs them out. (Camera holds on Wyatt.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. MANOR -- SECOND FLOOR -- DAY] (Sheridan is in one of the bedrooms. She walks out and back into the hallway.) SHERIDAN: I don't think anybody's home. AGENT KEYES: Get out of there, Inspector. We'll try again later. SHERIDAN: Let me just check the attic. AGENT KEYES: No. I don't like it. Just turn around. SHERIDAN: (ignores him) Look, it'll just take a second. AGENT KEYES: No, Inspector. (Sheridan heads upstairs.) AGENT KEYES: Damn it! [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Sheridan walks into the attic.) (Zankou is standing in front of the Book. He looks at her. Sheridan is surprised to see him.) SHERIDAN: Oh. (Zankou doesn't say anything.) SHERIDAN: I'm sorry. I was looking for Phoebe. ZANKOU: Were you? (From the monitor, we see Zankou leave the Book and start walking toward Sheridan.) AGENT KEYES: Get out of there, Inspector. SHERIDAN: (ignores them.) I'm Inspector Sheridan. Who are you? ZANKOU: How'd you get in here? AGENT KEYES: Damn it, Sheridan! Go! Now! SHERIDAN: I should be going. ZANKOU: You're not going anywhere. AGENT KEYES: What are you waiting for? Go, go, go! (Sheridan moves to reach for her gun. Zankou throws an energy ball at her. SHERIDAN: No! (On the monitor, they see Zankou throw the fireball.) (The video cuts off. Static fills the monitor.) VOICE: What was that? AGENT KEYES: Call FBI, SWAT, Special Forces, Haz-mat, everybody. We're going in. Go! Go! [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - STUDY -- DAY] (Phoebe talks with Paige and Piper.) PHOEBE: Okay, we only have one shot at this. We can't miss. PIPER: First we've gotta get to the Book, and convince it we still believe in ourselves. PAIGE: Well, we do, don't we? PHOEBE: Absolutely. PIPER: Just feels kind of strange, you know, doing it this way. PAIGE: Well, I kinda wish we'd learned how to do it earlier. Would've come in handy. PHOEBE: Well, Prue was really protective of it. I'm just glad she showed Leo how to do it. (Zankou flames into the Study. He looks around.) ZANKOU: So this is Magic School. How quaint. PIPER: What took you so long? ZANKOU: Patience is a virtue. I can't even begin to tell you how long I've been looking forward to this moment, a moment no demon has ever enjoyed ... until now. (Zankou holds out his hand, palm up and an energy ball forms.) (Piper and Phoebe turn to run. Paige motions.) PAIGE: Book! (The book off the table and orbs it at Zankou. It hits him causing him to drop the energy ball.) ZANKOU: Uhh! (It hits the wall near the door, but the girls are gone.) ZANKOU: Must we go through this? (Zankou chases after them.) [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL -- GREAT HALL - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Piper, Phoebe and Paige run into the Great Hall where they scatter. Zankou follows them. He throws an energy ball at Piper. It explodes against the desk she's running behind.) (He throws another energy ball at Phoebe who is hiding behind the line of chairs. It hits the center of a chair, missing her as she moves.) (Paige runs behind the pillar. Zankou throws an energy ball as he sees her running past the pillar. She ducks and it hits the couch.) (Phoebe looks.) (Paige once again ducks behind the pillar. Zankou heads for Paige.) PIPER: Paige! Get out of here. PAIGE: No. Not without you two. ZANKOU: Inseparable to the end. But first things first. (Zankou throws the potion at Paige. The vial breaks and white smoke rises up around Paige. Zankou holds out his hand.) ZANKOU: Your power, please. (Nothing happens.) (Paige smiles.) (She then disappears, her astral self vanishing from the Great Hall.) (Zankou looks at his hand.) ZANKOU: What's happening? (He turns around and looks at Piper.) (Piper smiles ... then vanishes.) (Zankou turns and looks at Phoebe.) (She looks at him, then vanishes, too.) ZANKOU: What? (Zankou is left standing alone in the Great Hall.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - SITTING ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (The girls are passed out on the couch when they return to their bodies.) (They gasp and sit up.) PAIGE: Ah, astral projecting worked. PIPER: Thank you, Prue. PHOEBE: The Book. (They head upstairs.) [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY] (They walk into the attic and head toward the Book of Shadows.) PHOEBE: Okay. This may be the last time we have to say this. (They gather around the book and hold hands.) PIPER: I'll hold you to it. PIPER/PHOEBE/PAIGE: (chanting) The power of three will set us free. The power of three will set us free. The power of three will set us free. (They let go and touch the Book. Nothing happens.) (Piper opens the book and looks through it.) (In the background, wailing sirens get louder.) PHOEBE: What? (Piper closes the Book and picks it up as they head to the attic window to see what's going on outside.) (They look outside the window and see the officer cars headed down their street.) [EXT. MANOR - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (A line of police officer cars, a yellow SPECIAL OPERATIONS DELTA SECTOR van, a black van and white van arrives and stops in front of the Hallwell manor.) (The back of the black van opens up and SWAT Team members, geared up and carrying weapons, run out of the van.) (Piper and Paige watch as even more officer cars stop in front of the house. The SWAT members scatter and run around the house.) VOICE: Go, go, go, go! (Above them, a helicopter flies overhead. The SWAT members takes up position around the house. There are even SWAT members on the roof of the neighboring house.) (A black humvee with sirens blaring rushes down the street. It stops in front of the house. Agent Keyes gets out of the vehicle.) AGENT KEYES: (to radio) All right, nobody gets in or out, you got that? Nobody. I want this place completely surrounded. Over. (The takes up position behind one of the cars. Someone hands him a gun and he cocks it as he points it up at the attic.) VOICE: Walkie-talkie: Copy that. VOICE: Swat 4, you've got the backyard. VOICE: Swat 2, the east side. VOICE: Swat 3, the west. (He looks up and sees Phoebe, Piper and Paige through the attic window.) [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Phoebe, Piper and Paige look down at the activity below.) PAIGE: What the hell happened? PHOEBE: I don't know. But if they come in here before we get Zankou, it's gonna be a blood bath. PIPER: Come on, we gotta find that spell. (They all step away from the window just as Zankou flames into the attic.) ZANKOU: I underestimated you. It won't happen again. (He throws an energy ball at them.) (Paige orbs them out.) [EXT. MANOR - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (The fireball breaks through the roof.) (The Officers and other personnel gasp.) VOICE: What the hell was that? AGENT KEYES: It's probably the same thing that got Sheridan. All right, everybody, listen up. On my command, we storm the place. Everybody in position. WALKIE-TALKIE: Roger that. We are in position. (Darryl appears next to Agent Keyes.) DARRYL: I wouldn't go in just yet if I were you. WALKIE-TALKIE: Awaiting your go command. Over. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - BASEMENT - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Piper, Phoebe and Paige hold hands in front of the hole in the basement. Zankou flames in.) PIPER, PHOEBE, PAIGE: (chanting) Natum adai necral ... (He waves his hands and pushes Piper, Phoebe and Paige away from the hole. They crash onto the other side of the basement.) (Zankou steps down from the stairs and closer to the hole in the basement floor.) ZANKOU: Too late. You can't take The Nexus. It has been in me. It knows me now. I should've done this before. (The turns his back to them and starts chanting.) ZANKOU: (Chanting) Natum adai necral. Daya intay layok. (The hole lights up and the Shadow rises out. It approaches Zankou.) (Zankou waits. The Shadows enters Zankou through his eyes.) (Finished, he turns around and faces the sisters.) ZANKOU: You can't stop me now. PAIGE: No? Watch us. (Paige takes out the spell and they read it.) PIPER / PHOEBE / PAIGE: (Chanting) From ancient time, this power came, for all to have, but none to reign. (Something starts to happen to Zankou from within.) ZANKOU: No! (They continue to read the spell.) PIPER, PHOEBE, PAIGE: (Chanting) Take it now, show no mercy. For this power can no longer be. (Zankou turns red, unable to control it as the Shadow is destroyed from within him.) (Zankou screams.) (The sisters hold hands as the power intensifies.) PHOEBE: This is it! (Zankou explodes.) (The wave of power washes through Piper, Phoebe and Paige.) [EXT. MANOR - STREET - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (The basement explodes. White smoke billows and dissipates around the house.) AGENT KEYES: Holy ... God ... DARRYL: Aren't you glad I told you to wait? (Camera holds on Agent Keyes.) [INT. MANOR - MAIN HALL - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (The front doors burst open. Armed officers in black storm through the house in protective gear.) VOICE: This way. VOICE: Yeah, this way. (The officers search through the rooms downstairs. Some officers pauses at the base of the front stairs.) VOICE: Upstairs. Upstairs. VOICE: Follow me. (The officers head upstairs.) (More emergency personnel in a white suit and carrying a hand-held device to measure radioactivity, sweeps through the main hall.) (Agent Keyes follows them.) AGENT KEYES: Watch your backs, team leaders. Nobody goes in any room alone. (They make their way through the dining room.) [INT. MANOR - KITCHEN - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (The officers walk into the kitchen. The men in white check their devices.) AGENT: Air is good. It's all clear. (Agent Keyes removes his mask. Darryl appears behind him.) DARRYL: What happened? AGENT KEYES: I don't know yet. (The agents head into the basement.) [INT. MANOR - BASEMENT - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (The basement is decimated. The beams are on fire and the contents turned into rubble.) AGENT: Anthing? AGENT: We've got nothing yet. (Agent Keyes and Darryl walk down the stairs.) AGENT KEYES: My god. It looks like a bomb went off in here. POLICE RADIO: (from radio) House is secure. Nobody's inside. AGENT KEYES: (to radio) Copy that. What do you have? AGENT: I have some hydrogen isotopes, plasma, no uranium. AGENT KEYES: Damn. Nothing. DARRYL: Thank god nobody was in here. AGENT KEYES: Who said nobody was? DARRYL: Your man just said the house was secure. AGENT KEYES: But the Halliwell sisters were inside. I saw them myself. DARRYL: What? AGENT KEYES: Trust me. We would've spotted them if they had left the house. There's no way they got out of here alive. (Agent Keyes steps away leaving Darryl thinking about it.) DARRYL: There's gotta be another way out of here. (He looks up and around.) DARRYL: Oh, dear God, please. [EXT. MANOR - STREET - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (A small crowd has gathered just outside the road blockade. Leo runs through the crowd and heads for the house.) LEO: Let me through. I gotta get through. LEO: Let me through. (An officer stops him.) OFFICER: Hey! LEO: I gotta get through. OFFICER: Hey, where do you think you're going? LEO: I gotta get in. It's my house. OFFICER: You got any I.D.? LEO: Uh, no. OFFICER: Then you're not getting past. LEO: Yeah, but it's my wife. OFFICER: You're not getting past. (He puts a hand on his gun.) Understand? (Leo backs off.) LEO: Yeah. (Leo turns around and leaves.) (As he leaves, he walks past three women.) NEW PIPER: What's going on? (Leo turns around.) LEO: What? I don't know. NEW PHOEBE: Boy, sure hope nobody died in there. LEO: What? (Leo looks at the women who are smiling knowingly back at him. There's something about them.) LEO: Do we know each other? NEW PIPER: Yeah. I think so. After all, we're married. (New Piper takes Leo's hand and leads him away from the crowds and over to the bushes nearby. New Paige and New Phoebe follow.) (Once there, they snap their fingers and change back into themselves. Leo's completely taken aback.) LEO: What? PIPER: Shh, shh, shh. It's all part of the plan. LEO: Plan? What plan? PHOEBE: Our plan to die. PHOEBE: It's the only way to get our lives back. Our normal lives. PIPER: And stop everybody from coming after us, including all of them. LEO: But-- PIPER: No. No buts. We're free. Nobody even knows we're alive anymore, not even the demons. PAIGE: They think we died in there with Zankou. They were just our astral selves. PIPER: Sweetie, we've got a clean slate. We can start all over again. No more demon fighting, ever again. PAIGE: Unless the demons figure it out. PHOEBE: Which may be never. LEO: (impressed) I don't know what to say. PIPER: Just say you're okay with it. PHOEBE: So we can get the next generation ready to pick up where we left off. LEO: How do I do it? PIPER: You don't. We do. PAIGE: Don't worry. We'll make you good-looking. (Still a little confused, Leo looks at them. They snap their fingers and change back into their disguises.) (New Piper snaps her fingers and changes Leo into New Leo. She smiles with approval.) NEW PIPER: Cute. I can live with that. (New Leo smiles.) (Back at the house, SWAT members start leaving. Darryl exits the house. He stops on the porch and looks around. Something catches his eyes.) (Just beyond the crowds gathered, three women and a young man are leaving. The young man has his arm around the shoulders of one of the women. They walk confidently from the scene. The blonde-haired woman turns and smiles.) (There's just something really familiar about the women and he can't help but think he knows why.) (Darryl chuckles.) DARRYL: Well, all right. (Darryl looks up and heads down the front stairs.) DARRYL: All right. (The open door closes shut.) (Camera pans away from the Halliwell Manor.)

Plan: A: the Book of Shadows; Q: What did Zankou steal? A: Piper, Phoebe; Q: Who are the two sisters that Zankou has to steal powers from? A: their lives; Q: Piper, Phoebe, and Paige set out for one final showdown with the demon where what is at stake? A: Things; Q: What gets trickier for the sisters? A: Inspector Sheridan; Q: Who leads a team of police officers to the manor? Summary: Now that Zankou has stolen the Book of Shadows, he learns he has to steal the powers from the sisters in order to be able to access all the spells and powers inside. Realizing what he has done, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige set out for one final showdown with the demon where their lives are at stake. Things get trickier for them when Inspector Sheridan leads a team of police officers to the manor, looking to take the sisters in for questioning.

[Scene: The Wedding Hall, Monica and Chandler have just said "I do," and the photographer is taking the required pictures. First of Monica, Chandler, Ross and Joey.] Photographer: Great. (Takes a picture.) Great! Just give me a sec to change film. Monica: Okay. Ross: (To Monica) Okay, I know I'm not supposed to know, but I do. And I'm so excited for you! Joey: What? What's going on? Ross: Monica's pregnant! Joey: Oh my God! Is that why you guys had to get married?! Monica: Guys! I'm not pregnant. Joey: Ah. (To Chandler) Slow swimmers? (Chandler looks at him.) Ross: What?! What do you mean? You-you-you're not pregnant? Monica: You didn't tell anybody I was did you?! Ross: No! (Pause) I'll be right back. (Exits.) Photographer: Now why don't we get a shot of just Monica and the bloody soldier. Monica: (To Joey) Oh, about that. Joey, you have to change before the party. Joey: I can't! I-I don't have any other clothes here. Monica: Find some! Please! Anything that doesn't say I-I died tragically in France. (Joey leaves to find clothes.) Photographer: Well then why don't we see the bride and the groom and the bridemaids. Phoebe: Okay. (Phoebe and Rachel join Monica and Chandler on the altar.) Hey Mon, why did you tell the guys you weren't pregnant? Monica: Because I'm not. Phoebe: We found your test in the trash, if you're not pregnant-(She sees Rachel shaking her head)-It's because I am. (Flash, the photographer takes a picture of Monica and Chandler's stunned faces.) Chandler: What?! What are you talking about? Monica: What are you talking about? Phoebe: Yes, I...I am with child. (Flash) And I didn't want to say anything because it's your day; I didn't want to steal your thunder. Monica: Wait a minute! So you told people I was pregnant?! (Flash) Does this look like a conversation that I want to remember?! Chandler: Who's the father? Monica: Yeah! Phoebe: I can't say. Monica: Why?! Chandler: Why not? Phoebe: I can't say because he's famous. Rachel: Oh my God, who is it?! (Phoebe rolls her eyes.) Monica: Phoebe, come on, you have to tell us. Phoebe: Okay, okay. It's James Brolin. James Brolin is the father of my baby. Chandler: As in Barbara Streisand's husband James Brolin? Phoebe: What?! Well he never said that to me! Opening Credits [Scene: The Wedding Hall, continued from earlier.] Photographer: Why don't we have Monica step away and we'll get Chandler and the bridemaids. Phoebe: How about just the bridemaids? Chandler: Y'know I am the groom right? I was told it was kinda big deal. Phoebe: It is. Rachel: For you. (Chandler leaves.) Phoebe: Oh my God! Rachel: Oh, thank you for doing that. I just can't deal with this just quite yet. Phoebe: So instead you told me Monica was pregnant. Rachel: You said that she was, I just didn't disagree with you. Phoebe: Sneaky. Rachel: Oh yeah. Photographer: Smile ladies. Rachel: Oh! (They smile and the picture is taken.) Oh by the way? Phoebe: Uh-hmm. Rachel: James Brolin? Phoebe: Oh, I know. I could only think of two names, him and Ed Begley Jr. and then I remembered he's gay. Rachel: Ed Begley Jr. is not gay. Phoebe: (intrigued) Really?! [Scene: The Reception Hall, the party is in full swing.] Bandleader: Thank you very much! Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you for the very first time, Mr. and Mrs. Chandler Bing! (They enter.) Chandler: Before we go out there I've got a present for ya. Monica: Honey, I'm going to put my hand in your pocket! Chandler: No? Monica: No. Chandler: I've been taking dancing lessons. Monica: What?! Chandler: Yeah, the last six weeks. I wanted this to be a moment you will never forget. Monica: Oh that is so sweet! Chandler: So? Would you care to join me in our first dance as husband and wife? Monica: Yes. (They walk onto the dance floor and Chandler slips and almost falls.) Monica: What's the matter? Chandler: I don't know, it's these new shoes, they're all slippery. Monica: Well, are you going to be able to do this? Chandler: Not well. (They start dancing and Chandler starts slipping around.) Monica: Well, the good news is, I don't think anyone's looking at us. [Cut to Phoebe and Rachel at their table.] Phoebe: So, are you ready to talk about it? Rachel: No. (Pause) Phoebe: Now? Rachel: No! Phoebe: Okay, we'll talk about something else then. Rachel: Thank you. Phoebe: Who's the father?! Rachel: Ugh! Look honey y'know what? I haven't told him yet, so until I do I don't think I should tell anybody else. Phoebe: Yeah. That's fine. That's fair. Is it Tag? Rachel: Phoebe!! Phoebe: Okay, I'm sorry. I'll stop. Rachel: Okay. Phoebe: Is it Ross? It's Ross isn't it-Oh my God, it's Joey! Rachel: Honey, stop it! I am not going to tell you until I tell him. Phoebe: Ah-hah! At least we know it's a him. [Cut to Joey entering wearing a preppy tennis outfit.] Monica: (seeing him) Oh sweet Lord. Joey: I'm sorry! Okay? I went down to the gift shop and it's either this or a bathrobe! Look, what's more important, the way I'm dressed or me being with you on your special day? Monica: Honey, I'm not even going to pretend I was listening. (Sees someone else.) Hey! Hey! (Goes over to that person.) [Cut to the hallway outside the room, Ross is going to see which table he's at and sees a beautiful woman doing the same thing.] Ross: Hi. I'm uh, I'm Ross. I don't, I don't believe we've met. I'm Monica's older brother. Woman: Oh hi, I'm, I'm Mona from her restaurant. Ross: Oh! Hello uh, Mona from her restaurant. (He uses his card to mouth those words.) (Pause) Mona, wow what a, what a beautiful name. Mona: You think so? I've always kinda hated it. Ross: Aw come on, Mona Lisa? Mona: Uh-huh. Ross: Mona umm...Clickclocken. The famous botanist? Huh? Oh no she's uh-well she's dead now. No, supposedly she was once quite the hottie of the plant world. Mona: Really?! Well see? I never knew about her. Ross: Linda Clickclocken. (Pause) So what uh, what-what table are you at? (She shows him.) Oh, uh me too. Mona: Oh good. Now there'll be someone there who likes my name. Ross: (sexily) Yes there will. (Mona leaves and Ross tries to find the same table.) Oh guess what, Molly Gilbert you've just been bumped up to table one. And if it's all right with you I'm gonna take your place at table six-Martin Clickclocken. [Cut back inside to Joey giving a beautiful woman a tennis lesson by standing behind her.] Joey: That's better, now just bend your arms a little more. There you go. Okay, look straight ahead. Now this time I want you to really put your ass into it. (They do a practice swing and she really puts her ass into it.) [Cut to Chandler sitting down near Joey as his mom walks over. His birth mother, not the mother who recently visited one of those clinics in Sweden.] Mrs. Bing: Chandler darling! Look, my date has finally arrived. I'd like you to meet Dennis Phillips. Dennis Phillips: Congratulations. Chandler: Thank you. Mrs. Bing: Dennis is a dear old friend and a fantastic lover. Chandler: Bravo Dennis thanks for pleasing my mother so. Dennis Phillips: Oh, I'm so sorry I missed the ceremony, I was stuck at auditions. Mrs. Bing: Oh yes, Dennis is directing a new Broadway show. Joey: I don't believe we've met, Joey Tribbiani. Dennis Phillips: Dennis Phillips Joey: Wow, I've admired your work for years. You-you've done some really amazing stuff. Dennis Phillips: Oh, thank you. Well if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go get myself a drink. Be back in a moment. (Walks away.) Joey: Wow Dennis Phillips! That's great! How did you guys meet? Mrs. Bing: Well, it's a funny story. Chandler: Funny: ha-ha or funny: (Mimes blowing his brain out.) [Time lapse. The band is finishing another song.] Bandleader: Thank you, thank you very much. If everyone will please take your seats, dinner will be served. (Ross starts looking for table six and finds out that it's the kid's table. He sees Mona sitting at another table.) Ross: Hey! Uh, I thought, I thought you were at table six. Mona: No, nine. (Shows him the card again.) Ross: Oh see, before you uh, when you showed it to me you-you held it that way (he turns her hand upside down) which uh, which was misleading. Well I'm... (He goes at sits down at his new table and the kids stare at him.) Hello. [Cut to the hallway, Chandler is putting tape on the bottom of his shoes.] Joey: Chandler. Will you see if your mom can give my resume to Dennis Phillips? 'Cause if I can get in a Broadway show then I would've done it all, film, television, and theater. The only think left would be radio, and that's just for ugly people. Chandler: What size shoes do you wear? Joey: Uh, eleven, eleven and a half. Chandler: Great, because my shoes are giving me a little problem on the dance floor, can I borrow the boots from your costume? Joey: Uh, I don't even really know where I left those. Sorry. Chandler: (looking at Joey's feet) Those aren't eleven and a half. Joey: Okay fine! I'm a seven! All right, I have surprisingly small feet. But the rest of me is good, I'll show ya! [Cut to Monica and Rachel at their table.] Monica: Can you believe Phoebe got pregnant?! Rachel: Oh y'know what honey? Let's not talk about that right now? Monica: This is so huge. Rachel: Sure, but come on, as big as your wedding? Monica: Of course not nothing is. Between me and you... Rachel: Yeah. Monica: ...in this day and age how dumb do you have to be to get pregnant? Rachel: Hey! Y'know, sometimes you can do everything right, everyone can wear everything they're supposed to wear, and one of those little guys just gets through! Monica: How? Rachel: I don't know! Maybe they have tools. Monica: Well I-I talked to and uh, she's definitely going to have this baby. Y'know, she said she was gonna raise it on her own. Rachel: Well, maybe that's, maybe that's really brave. Monica: Maybe. I just hope she realizes how hard it's gonna be. Rachel: Maybe she hasn't really thought it through that well. Monica: Well, there's a lot to think about. I mean, how is she, how is she going to handle this financially? How is she going to juggle work? Does she realize she's not going to have a date again for the next eighteen years? Rachel: (starting to cry) I don't know. Monica: Are you okay? Rachel: Uh-hmm. I'm just thinking about Phoebe; poor knocked up Phoebe. Waiter: Champagne? Rachel: Oh yes! Thank you very much! (She grabs a glass, takes a sip, and realizes what she just did. She then tries to spit the champagne back into the glass without Monica noticing. It doesn't work.) Oh that's-that's actually how the French drink it. (Monica gasps.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: continued from earlier, only now Phoebe joins them.] Phoebe: Well, I just got off the phone with my lover, James Brolin... Monica: Oh really?! Phoebe: Yes, and apparently he is married to some singer, but he said he would leave her for me. And I said, "James, James Brolin, are you sure?" James Brolin said... Monica: (interrupting) Rachel's really the one who's pregnant. Phoebe: (shocked) What?! (deadpan) Why bother? Monica: How do you feel? Rachel: I don't know. I don't know how I feel. This is all happening so fast. I have to make all these decisions that I don't want to make. (Takes another sip of champagne and spits it back out) Somebody just take this away from me!! Phoebe: Calm down. Maybe you're not pregnant. Rachel: What?! Phoebe: When I got pregnant with the triplets, I took that test like three times just to make sure. Monica: Yes! Maybe it's a false positive. Are you sure you peed on the stick right? Rachel: How many ways are there to do that? Phoebe: I'm-I'm just saying, don't freak out until you're a hundred percent sure. Rachel: All right, I'll-I'll take it again when I get home. Monica: You-you gotta take it now. Come on, do it as a present to me. Rachel: Okay. Thank you. Monica: Okay. Phoebe: I'll run out and get you one. Rachel: Oh, you guys are so great. Monica: Oh, wait a minute! Who's is the father?! Phoebe: Oh no, she won't tell us. Monica: Oh, come on it's my wedding! That can be my present. Rachel: Wh-Hey, I just gave you peeing on a stick. Phoebe: See? This is why you register. [Cut to Ross at the kiddie table. He reaches for something and a fart noise emanates which causes the kids to laugh.] Ross: It was the chair again! Okay? I'm not doing it! It what-look, I don't-y'know what-eh-eh... (He walks away and goes over to Mona.) Hi. Mona: Hi! Ross: Umm, would you like to dance? Mona: Sure. Ross: Yeah? Mona: Yeah. Ross: Oh great! (They get up to dance and Ross is interrupted by a little girl.) Little Girl: Dr. Geller? Ross: I wasn't farting! (To Mona) Uh, a little game from our table. (To the little girl) Yes? Little Girl: Dr. Geller, will you dance with me? Ross: Oh umm, well uh, maybe-maybe later. Right now, I'm about to dance with this lady. Little Girl: Okay. (She drops her head in disappointment and walks away.) Mona: Ohhhh! Ross: Uh, unless! Unless, uh this lady wouldn't mind letting you go first. Mona: I'd be happy to. (To Ross) You are very sweet. Ross: Yes I-I am. In fact umm hey, why don't we try it my special way? You can dance on my feet. Little Girl: Sure! Ross: Yeah? Hop on. (They start dancing and Mona sits down.) Is the pretty lady looking? Little Girl: Uh-huh. Ross: Keep dancing. [Cut to Chandler in the hallway practicing dancing and is doing it very well.] Chandler: And the world will never know. Joey: Hey! Did you talk to Dennis about me yet? Chandler: Yes, I told him how talented you were. I told him all about Days Of Our Lives. Joey: No-no! No! No! You don't tell a Broadway guy that! Now he just thinks I'm a soap actor. Chandler: But you're not just a soap actor. You are a soap actor with freakishly tiny feet. Joey: Hey! [Joey walks back inside just as Ross's dance is finishing.] Little Girl: Thank you. Ross: No-no, thank you Miranda. Little Girl: Melinda! Ross: All right. (Walks over to Mona.) Mona: How cute was that? Ross: Oh-oh, were you, were you watching? (Another little girl walks over to him.) Second Girl: Can I go next? Ross: What? Of course you can! Hop on! Mona: Okay, but I get to hop on after her. (Ross bites the air in response.) Ross: I am so gonna score. Second Girl: What? Ross: I like your bow. [Behind them, Joey goes up to the bandleader and interrupts the song.] Joey: (clinks his glass) I'd like to propose a toast. To Monica and Chandler, the greatest couple in the world. And my best friends. Now, my when I first found out they were getting married I was, I was a little angry. I was like, (overly angry) "Why God? Why? How can you take them away from me?!" But then I thought back over all our memories together, some happy memories. (Does a fake laugh.) And-and there was some sad memories. (Starts to break down and cry.) I'm sorry. And-and some scared memories-Whoa! (He jumps back, startled.) Eh? And then, and then I realized I'll always be their friend, their friend who can speak in many dialects and has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity. (Starts to walk away, but realizes something.) Oh! To the happy couple! [SCENE_BREAK] [Time Lapse, the interrupted song is finishing.] Bandleader: Thank you. Ross: (to the second girl) That was very nice Ashley. Ashley: Can we do it again? Ross: No-no. (Walks over to Mona again.) Mona: So, is it my turn now? (A large little fat girl walks over.) Fat Girl: I'm next! Ross: Oh! (Recoils in horror.) Mona: Uh, that's okay. You can dance with her first. Ross: Oh, you-you sure? (She nods yes.) Okay. (To the girl) Okay. So what's uh, what's your name. Fat Girl: Gert! Ross: That's, that's pretty. (They start to dance and Gert tries to step on Ross's feet, but he pulls them out of harm's way.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What are you doing there Gert? Gert: Dancing on your feet! Like the other girls did it. Ross: Okay. (Swallows hard.) Hop on Gert. (She does and Ross winces in pain.) Gert: Why aren't you moving your feet? Ross: I'm trying. (He strains to move his feet.) Gert: Faster! You're not going fast enough! Ross: Maybe I should stand on your feet! (Gert's shocked and Ross realizes what he said and tries to brush it off.) [Cut to Joey going over to talk to Dennis Phillips.] Joey: So did you uh, happen to catch my toast up there? Dennis Phillips: Oh my God, that was for my benefit? Joey: Well, I'd like to think there was something for everyone. Look, I know you're casting for this new show... Dennis Phillips: Look umm Joey, I-I don't think you're quite right for this project. Joey: Oh, see that's where you're wrong. Whatever it is I can do it. And if didn't see it up there, just-just try me. Dennis Phillips: It's an all Chinese cast. Can you be Chinese? Joey: Well I'm not proud of this, but... (He turns around and starts to mess with his eyelids.) Dennis Phillips: Oh my God! No-no-no! Please! Please! Don't-don't-don't! [Cut to Monica walking up to Chandler.] Monica: Hey, are you ready to get back on the dance floor? Chandler: Did it turn into sand? Monica: Ohh come on, I love this song! Come on, you'll be fine. (She starts to walk towards the floor.) Chandler: (sliding up behind her) No. No, I won't. Do you know why I took all those lessons? See, for the first time I didn't want you to be embarrassed to be seen on the dance floor with some clumsy idiot. Monica: Oh sweetie, you can never embarrass me. (Chandler grunts.) Okay, you can easily embarrass me. But come on, it doesn't matter. All right? I married you! So I want to dance on my wedding night with my husband. Come on. (They go onto the floor.) Just try not to move your feet at all. (Chandler starts to get into the groove and bust a move.) There you go. (Mr. Geller dances over.) Mr. Geller: Chandler, I'm gonna have you arrested. Chandler: Why? Mr. Geller: You stole my moves. (He starts to dance like Chandler was and Chandler stops.) [Scene: The Women's Restroom, Rachel and Phoebe are waiting for the outcome of Rachel's second test.] Rachel: How much longer? Phoebe: 30 seconds. Rachel: 30 seconds, okay. Monica: (entering) Did I miss it? (Phoebe nods no.) Rachel, I-I want you to know that, if it's positive, we're gonna... Rachel: Oh I know. I know. (They hug.) Phoebe: It's time. (Another woman starts to enter.) The Girls: No!! (The woman backs out.) Monica: Go ahead Rach. (She goes over to look.) Rachel: Oh wait! Y'know what? I can't, I can't look at it. I can't. Somebody else tell me, somebody tell me. Phoebe: Okay. Rachel: Okay. Phoebe: Umm, it's negative. Rachel: What? Phoebe: It's negative. Rachel: Oh. Oh. Well there you go. Whew! (Pause) That is-that's great-that is really great-great news. (Pause) Y'know 'cause the whole not being ready and kinda the financial aspects, all that. Whew. Wow, this is so just the way it was supposed to be. (Starts to cry.) God. Monica: Well... Well, great. Phoebe: Here. (Gives Rachel a tissue.) Rachel: Thanks. (Crying) God this is so stupid! (Pause) How could I be upset over something I never had? It's negative? Phoebe: No, it's positive. Rachel: What?! Phoebe: It's-it's not negative, it's positive. Rachel: Are you sure? Phoebe: Well yeah, I lied before. Rachel: Oh! Monica: Oh God... Phoebe: Now you know how you really feel about it. Rachel: Oh-oh, that's a risky little game! Monica: Are you really gonna do this? Rachel: Yeah. I'm gonna have a baby. I'm gonna have a baby. I'm gonna have a baby! (They all hug.) Phoebe: With who? Rachel: Ah, it's still not the time. Dedicated to the People of New York City Closing Credits [Scene: The Reception, Joey is helping Ross walk after Gert got through with him and Mona is looking on concerned.] Ross: I just didn't see the fast song coming. Joey: Shh. Shh. Don't try to talk, we'll get you up to your room, we'll soak your feet, you'll be okay. Ross: Oh, thank you. Mona: That is so sweet! Joey: Yeah. Mona: No, I mean it. There are so few genuinely nice guys out there. Joey: Tell me about it, I feel like I'm holding down the fort all by myself. Mona: It's Joey right? Joey: Yeah. Ross: Wait a minute! No! I'm the nice one! I'm the one who danced with the kids all night! How...How small are your feet?! (They all look down.)

Plan: A: her denial; Q: What quickly shifts the focus to Phoebe? A: Phoebe; Q: Who claims to be pregnant to cover for Rachel? A: an additional test; Q: What does Phoebe have Rachel take to confirm her pregnancy? A: the new test; Q: What kind of test did Phoebe say was negative? A: the different result; Q: What makes Rachel sad? A: Chandler; Q: Who surprises Monica by taking dance lessons? A: his slippery shoes; Q: What causes Chandler to have two left feet? A: two left feet; Q: What does Chandler have after his dance lessons? A: Joey; Q: Who tries to impress Mrs. Bing's date? A: Broadway; Q: What type of director is Mrs. Bing's date? A: Ross; Q: Who meets a woman named Mona at the reception? A: his seating number; Q: What does Ross switch? A: the little girls; Q: Who does Ross dance with? Summary: Everybody thinks Monica is pregnant, but her denial quickly shifts the focus to Phoebe, who claims she is pregnant to cover for Rachel, the one who is expecting. When Monica realizes it is Rachel, she and Phoebe have her take an additional test to confirm it. Phoebe initially says the new test is "negative" causing Rachel to be sad and disappointed by the different result. Phoebe then says it is positive and that Rachel now knows how she truly feels about having a baby. Chandler surprises Monica by having taken dance lessons for their wedding reception, but his slippery shoes leave him with two left feet. Joey tries to impress Mrs. Bing's date, a Broadway director. Ross meets a beautiful woman named Mona at the reception. He switches his seating number to her table, but mixing up the number, he ends up at the children's, then has to dance with the little girls, which impresses Mona.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars... Weevil walks into the dean's office to find Cyrus O'Dell slumped over his keyboard in 309 "Spit and Eggs." KEITH: [offscreen] A man of good taste. Cut to Keith and Veronica in Keith's office in 313 "Postgame Mortem." KEITH: Well, let's honour him by putting his killer behind bars. Veronica nods. Cut to later in the office. MINDY: You're off the case, Mr. Mars. KEITH: You can fire me, Mrs. O'Dell, but I'm afraid you can't take me off the case. Cut to Coach Barry getting ready to yell at the basketball team. KEITH: [offscreen] Coach Barry was found... Cut to Keith in his office, explaining to Veronica. KEITH:...murdered last night beside the PCH. The sheriff suspects Josh. Cut to Veronica visiting Josh in a jail cell. JOSH: It's Mason. Why else would he lie? It makes sense. Cut to Veronica and Mason outside Hepner Hall. MASON: You really think that I would kill my coach...because he wasn't starting me? Cut back to the jail cell as Veronica arrives, bearing gifts. VERONICA: Here you go. There are cookies inside one of the books. VERONICA: Sheriff-approved reading material. Cut to Lamb taking his pleasure in Landry's classroom. LAMB: Miss Mars. You are under arrest for the aiding and abetting of the escape of Josh Barry. He cuffs her and pulls her out of her seat. End previously. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. The interrogation room is lit from Venetian blind covered windows, casting strips on the shadows of the walls and on the watching Deputy Sacks. Lamb is doing his best to intimidate Veronica... LAMB: Where is he, Veronica? Where's Josh? ...without success. She and Lamb sit on opposite sides of the table in the room. VERONICA: Think back, Sheriff. Where did you have him last? LAMB: Josh's cellmate says you snuck him a peanut-butter cookie. VERONICA: And he bribed one of your deputies with said cookie? Veronica casts an amused glance at Sacks. Lamb slaps his thigh. LAMB: He was allergic, but you know that. After the paramedic revived him with an epinephrine shot, Josh overpowered him and escaped out of the back of the ambulance. VERONICA: You didn't have a deputy with him? Lamb gives Sacks an irritated glance. Sacks shuffles, embarrassed. LAMB: He was riding up front. As his accomplice, I would think you would want to get yourself out of hot water and tell us where he is. Veronica leans forward as if to confide. VERONICA: Don't I get a phone call? Lamb snorts. INT - BARRY RESIDENCE - DAY. A child is playing "Solfeggietto" by Carl Philip Emanuel Bach on a piano. He looks to be about ten-years-old. He's in a room to the side of the Barry's dining room, where Keith and Mrs. Barry are sitting at the table. MRS. BARRY: Please, Keith, find my son. KEITH: It's likely he'll try to contact you. When he does, you've got to convince him to turn himself into me. She nods. KEITH: It will be safer than turning himself in directly to the sheriff. Keith's cell phone rings. Keith glances over at the boy, Bobby Barry, who is still playing, but is startled by the phone's ring. Keith holds up the phone to Mrs. Barry. KEITH: I'll just take it in here. She nods and Keith gets up from the table. He walks into the kitchen before answering the call. KEITH: Yeah? OPERATOR: Keith Mars, please hold for Veronica Mars. Keith frowns. He waits, stopping by a pile of mail on the counter. He notices that the top letter, addressed to Kathleen Barry, 23 Emperior Ct., Neptune, CA 90909 (a popular address!), is from Vincent Van Lowe of 4563 Finders Way, Neptune CA 98081. KEITH: Yeah? Honey? It's me. He listens with growing incredulity. KEITH: You're where? INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Veronica is in a jail cell. She is being very butch, doing press-ups with gusto. She's gained a tattoo on her left arm and plaited her hair on that side close to the scalp. Keith arrives in the area behind her, on the other side of the bars. KEITH: Please tell me you didn't help an accused murderer escape jail. Veronica jumps up and starts shadow boxing. VERONICA: Yo, pops, check it out. This girl ain't gonna be nobody's bitch. You better recognise. KEITH: What's that on your arm? She points proudly to the tattoo. Under the banner "Thug Life" is a pony in the style of My Little Pony. VERONICA: I've had some free time. And, no, I didn't help Josh escape. Veronica grabs the bars and pulls herself up closer to Keith. VERONICA: Not intentionally. It turns out he's allergic to peanuts. His plan was to take advantage of my kindness. KEITH: That's got to be the first time that's worked for anybody. This amuses Keith and he hides his face. Veronica gives him a woeful look as Cliff arrives behind Keith. VERONICA: Clifford. Something wrong? CLIFF: I just remembered I need to return Caged Heat to the video store. You folks want to hear the good news or the bad news first? KEITH: I'm gonna say the good news. CLIFF: Josh's cellmate and key witness to the cookie incident ate the evidence and, icing on the cake, blew a point two-one on the breathalyzer when they booked him. No way Lamb can get a conviction and he knows it. Veronica, who has moved back into the cell to sit on the bunk with her "workout" towel around her neck, gives a sigh of relief. KEITH: Well, that sounds like great news. CLIFF: Um, but he's gonna hold Veronica as long as he possibly can. Veronica slaps the towel on the ground in frustration before falling back onto the bunk. KEITH: Can I get you anything, honey? VERONICA: Oh, a couple cartons of smokes. Keith is disapproving. VERONICA: What, dad? It's currency on the inside. KEITH: Any guess where I might find Josh? VERONICA: Mexico? KEITH: So you think he did it? She rolls off the bunk and walks to the bars again, serious. VERONICA: I don't know. If he didn't, he sure panicked quickly. KEITH: That was my thought, too. CLIFF: Anyone want to know what I think? Veronica gives his a sceptical look. CLIFF: Fine, I'll keep it to myself. Cliff clears his throat and moves to the back of the room, but can't resist giving them his thoughts after all. The Mars pair indulge him. CLIFF: I'm just saying, my entire workday is spent sorting through my various clients' lies. This kid? I think he's on the up-and-up. Veronica is interested in that view and watches Keith leave the cell area. KEITH: Okay. I've got an appointment with Dean O'Dell's old assistant. I can't just put his murder case on hold. Veronica nods. Keith starts to move off, but pauses as he looks at her and sighs. VERONICA: What? He smiles. KEITH: Just...I thought this sight would be more traumatic for me, but... He shrugs. Veronica is offended. Cut to a few moments later as Keith is leaving the department. He stops when he sees Vinnie Van Lowe at the front desk with one of the deputies. There's an elderly man with his hands behind his back next to Vinnie. KEITH: Vincent. Vinnie raises his eyebrows before turning to look behind him. Keith walks towards them. KEITH: You bringing in a fugitive or picking up your dad? Vinnie points to the man. VINNIE: Old-timer, fraud warrant. Turns out, his uncle isn't Nigerian royalty. Another deputy grabs the man and leads him away. KEITH: Hey, uh, question. I saw what looked like an invoice from you at the home of Coach Barry's widow. Any chance we're working the same case? VINNIE: Negatory, Mrs. Barry hired me about a month ago, wanted to know if her husband was cheating. KEITH: What did you learn? VINNIE: Keith, I am bound by the exact same ethical codes you are. KEITH: Yeah, well- Vinnie bursts out laughing. VINNIE: I was pulling your leg. I had you, though. No, never got a money shot. Uh, but I did catch him getting friendly in a parking lot with a very attractive married lady. KEITH: Any chance I could get a copy of that picture? VINNIE: Yeah, what the hell? It'll be good having you owe me one. I guess you're tracking that kid? I was thinking of diving into that. KEITH: Well, I'm...looking for the coach's killer. VINNIE: Oh, didn't you hear? It's the kid. Keith rolls his eyes and turns and walks away. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - DAY. Someone is scrapping the "O'Dell" from the painted "Dean O'Dell" sign on the glass door leading into the outer office. In the office, Keith is sitting at Cora's desk. CORA: I spoke to the sheriff two months ago. Is there anything- KEITH: Just routine follow-up on some insurance matters. If you could just tell me anything you can recall about the day the dean died. Cora has the diary for December 10th open in front of her. CORA: Just the usual stuff, meetings. There was one strange thing. Mel Stoltz showed up, no appointment. I didn't know who he was until he left. He seemed to agitate Cyrus. KEITH: Really? Mel Stoltz? CORA: Oh, and, um, he was out of Xanax. I had to call in the prescription. KEITH: Did he pick it up, do you know? CORA: Mmm, he was stuck here all day, and the pharmacy closes at 7:00, so... INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY. Keith is back in his office, on the phone. KEITH: A prescription refill called in on December 10th. Do you have a record of who picked it up? Keith listens with interest. KEITH: Bye. As Keith puts down the phone, footsteps approach. It's Landry, who marches into Keith's office, fiddling with his cell phone. KEITH: Dr. Landry, what brings you- LANDRY: Question, Keith. I found this bug in my cell phone. Did you put it there? He tosses the bug onto the desk. Keith looks at it long and hard before responding. KEITH: No, Hank. LANDRY: Did Veronica do it? KEITH: I'm sure she had nothing to do with it. LANDRY: You're sure, sure? She's got a lot of initiative. You know, the other day, she asked me something about the movie that I watched in the hotel that night, and then I realised she was probing my alibi. KEITH: She does have a lot of initiative. LANDRY: She also has got a lot of promise, and she doesn't need to be slumming it in a P.I. office the rest of her life. And, uh, just for the record, that night I checked into the Grand at 7:30. I watched the Clipper game in my room until Mindy showed up, about 8:15. The rest of the evening was occupied by the usual business of an affair, followed by a pay-per-view movie, then sleep. There's no more to say. And there's no more for you or your daughter to find. So please stop trying. It's starting to piss me off. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Keith approaches the front desk. KEITH: I need to see the sheriff. SACKS: I don't know, Keith. He looks kind of busy. KEITH: Well, that's something I got to see. Sacks smirks. Cut to a little later. Keith in with Lamb in the latter's office. LAMB: So, if I'm hearing you right, you're calling me a dumbass. KEITH: All I said was the dean's death was a murder, not a suicide. I wanted to bring you what I had as a concerned citizen. You remember from the toxicology report he had traces of Xanax in there with the booze. LAMB: And he had a prescription for the stuff which proves zilch. KEITH: But according to his secretary, he had run out. She'd just called in a new prescription, which was picked up that night, I learned, by Mindy O'Dell. This does get Lamb's interest and a response. Lamb shouts out. LAMB: Sacks. Sacks enters the office. LAMB: Call over to Hearst. See if they stored any of the dean's stuff. Computer, phone or whatever. We can dust for prints. SACKS: Sure, Sheriff. Sacks starts to leave, but Lamb has further instructions. LAMB: And bring Mindy O'Dell in. I'd like to ask her a few questions. Sacks pauses a second just in case, then exits. Keith sits back, satisfied. Lamb stares at him thoughtfully. Opening credits. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Keith arrives at Veronica's cell. She's lying in her bunk and looks over at him. VERONICA: You bring my harmonica? I've got the blues, pa, the sittin'-in-my-jail-cell blues. KEITH: Did you bug Hank Landry's phone? VERONICA: [suprised] Wait, what? KEITH: He just came storming into the office, saying he found a bug in his cell phone, asking me if I planted it. I didn't. Did you? VERONICA: No. He stares hard at her. Veronica sits up. VERONICA: Really. Come on, dad. She draws a circle around her head with her hand. VERONICA: This is the face of truth. KEITH: Yeah, that played better in a different context. But, okay, I'm a sucker. I believe you. Veronica walks towards the bars. KEITH: Word of advice: you might want to start looking for a new mentor. VERONICA: Wait. He suspected me? KEITH: Vigorously. Though he emphasised that it was my bad influence, that you're a sharp kid, just a bit misguided. VERONICA: The movie. He knew why I asked about Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. KEITH: You want to pick at his alibi, you should have asked him about the Clippers game that night. Men routinely accept the idea that women don't know sports. That's just a...mentoring sample, for if you're interested. Keith gives a cheesy grin and points to himself. He turns serious again. KEITH: You didn't bug him? VERONICA: No. Keith smacks his lips at her in a big kiss and exits the cell area. He heads out of the department, meeting Logan in the corridor coming in. LOGAN: Mr. Mars. KEITH: Logan. They stare at each other a moment. KEITH: Down the hall, on the right. They nod to each other and Logan continues on his way. Keith watches him go. Back in the cells, Logan approaches the bars. Veronica is back to lying on the bunk. VERONICA: Logan? LOGAN: No holiday decorations, huh? She sits up. VERONICA: Actually, that's just why I'm in jail, to avoid Valentine's Day. Logan smiles and Veronica gets up to walk towards the bars. VERONICA: Glad to see you. LOGAN: We're both adults now, right? We can be civil. Veronica nods. Logan steps closer to the bars. LOGAN: You need anything? VERONICA: There is one thing you could do for me, if you're heading back to campus. Logan nods. VERONICA: Get my wireless card back from the deputy. I was taking it to Mac when I got arrested. She said she needed it for a thing tonight. LOGAN: Sure. Veronica takes another step closer to the bars. VERONICA: Thanks. She grasps the bars. VERONICA: You've nearly warmed this cold, cold heart of mine. Logan smiles, steps back, and brings up his cell phone. Veronica looks confused. He takes a picture. He grins. LOGAN: Well, this definitely warms mine. Elsewhere in the building, Lamb is back in the interrogation room, leaning against the wall. Mindy is seated at the table. Sacks is standing in the corner of the room behind her. LAMB: You don't remember the movie? MINDY: Hank must have ordered it after I fell asleep. LAMB: That's pretty late for a movie. Don't you think he'd have been pretty tired after all your...activities? MINDY: I guess that some people have stamina. Lamb smirks. LAMB: You didn't leave the room? MINDY: No. LAMB: Lying to me is a crime, you know. He moves forward and takes the seat opposite her. MINDY: You might be thinking of perjury. LAMB: I am thinking of perjury. MINDY: Well, then you might be confused about what perjury is. Me lying to you here is not perjury. Lamb sighs in irritation at having his bluff called. MINDY: But I'm not lying. LAMB: You're aware the dean had traces of Xanax in his system? MINDY: Yes, and alcohol. They told me. LAMB: Any idea where he got those pills? MINDY: He had a prescription. LAMB: Which had run out. MINDY: Well, he must have had some left. LAMB: Mrs. O'Dell, did you sign for a prescription for Cyrus the night he was killed? MINDY: Yes. LAMB: But you didn't see him after that. MINDY: That's right. LAMB: So if I found that bottle, there wouldn't be any missing pills? MINDY: There are several missing. LAMB: Where did they go? MINDY: I took them. My husband's suicide left me with a certain amount of anxiety. Lamb doesn't buy that this cool, collected woman in front of him would have a problem with anxiety, but is frustrated that there's sod all he can do about it. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, STORAGE ROOM - DAY. Weevil, carrying a flashlight, wheels a trolley down an aisle between shelves in a large storage room. Sacks is behind him. Weevil shines the torch onto one of the shelves. WEEVIL: One-three-zero-zero-four-seven-nine. The former computer of Cyrus O'Dell. He turns to Sacks. WEEVIL: She's all yours. Knock yourself out, Magnum. Weevil pats Sacks on the arm and leaves him to it. There is heard a knock on a door. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MAC AND PARKER'S DORM ROOM - DAY. Parker opens the door of her room. PARKER: Logan. LOGAN: Hey. Uh, is Mac around? PARKER: Yeah, come in. Logan steps in just as Mac is passing from Parker's side of the room to her own. Bronson is sitting on Mac's bed. MAC: Hey. LOGAN: Hey. Uh, Veronica asked me to bring you this. Logan gets the wireless card out of his pocket. MAC: Performing a favour from a jail cell? The girl has serious friendship skills. Mac throws the card on her desk and turns her attention back to Bronson, joining him in sitting on the bed. Bronson sighs at the message on his phone. BRONSON: Jason can't do it, either. He's out of town. Parker steps forward to stand next to Logan, groaning in frustration. Logan turns to leave. PARKER: Logan, can we, like, borrow you? LOGAN: Will I be returned in my current pristine condition? PARKER: Yes. LOGAN: Go on. Mac and Bronson grin. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Veronica's latest visitor is Wallace. WALLACE: So, big news today: Mason didn't show at practice and no one's seen or heard from him. VERONICA: Any chance Mason is lying about seeing Josh with his dad? WALLACE: Man, I don't know. They are interrupted by the arrival of Cliff and Lamb. CLIFF: Who wants out of jail? Veronica jumps up and down like a little girl. VERONICA: Aeee duuu! Aee duu! [translation: I do! I do!] Lamb, reluctance oozing from every pore, opens the cell. Veronica heads for the door where Cliff is standing. Wallace follows her. Lamb notices Wallace. LAMB: I know you from somewhere. Wallace turns to face him as Veronica and Cliff watch from the door. WALLACE: Yeah, you told me to go see the Wizard and ask him for some guts. LAMB: [smugly] Well, did you? WALLACE: Yeah. He said to let you know you're the only sheriff in America who he considers a true friend of Dorothy. Behind him, Veronica is shocked and awed by Wallace's gibe. Wallace walks out of the room. Veronica glances at Lamb who realises that he's been insulted but doesn't quite know how. (Being a macho-man bigoted type, Lamb would be insulted. In gay slang, a "friend of Dorothy" is a term for a gay man.) EXT - SUNSET CLIFFS APARTMENTS - NIGHT. Veronica gets out of a car in front of the apartments where she lives. A figure is walking towards her in dark, unseen by the car's driver. Veronica shuts the car's door and turns back to the driver. VERONICA: Thanks, Cliff. CLIFF: Goodnight, V. Cliff drives off. Veronica turns to walk into the apartment block but is grabbed by the arm by the passing figure. JOSH: Hey. Veronica resists for a second. JOSH: It's me. Josh, his head covered by the hood of his jacket, leads her along the street, not letting go of his grip on her arm. JOSH: Just keep walking. I need to show you something. Cut to the boot of a car being opened. Mason is in there, terrified. He has duct tape over his mouth and binding his hands. VERONICA: Oh, Josh. JOSH: He did it, Veronica. I know he did. He killed my dad. Josh pulls out a gun, much to Veronica's horror. JOSH: You gotta believe me. It's the gun I told you about. He had it. He killed my dad, Veronica, and this proves it. Josh keeps pointing the gun at Veronica. JOSH: I know how this looks, but I didn't have a choice. VERONICA: Let me see the gun. Josh glances down at the gun, then back at Veronica who is quaking under an icy calm exterior. VERONICA: Can I see it? Veronica's hand closes on the gun and Josh doesn't stop her when she takes it. Veronica gives a huge sigh of relief before inspecting the gun. VERONICA: This is a .22-calibre pistol. Your dad was shot with a .45. Josh bends down and grabs Mason by the shirt, screaming at him. JOSH: Why are you lying about me?! VERONICA: Josh! Josh ignores her and continues to shout at Mason. JOSH: I wasn't with him! VERONICA: Josh! Let him go. Josh quivers with rage, but finally starts to listen. VERONICA: Let him go. Josh pulls back, shaking. VERONICA: You have to turn yourself in. If you run, you'll look guilty. JOSH: I already look guilty. I'm gonna get out of the country, but I need cash. I-I have ten grand in rare coins my grandfather left me in a safe deposit box. I need an ID that says I'm twenty-one to pull them out without a parent's signature. Can you help me with that? Wallace showed me the fake ID you made him. Veronica thinks for a moment. VERONICA: Buy a disposable cell phone and call me in twenty-four hours. Josh nods. VERONICA: Go! Josh hurries away, leaving Veronica and Mason in the car park where he had left the car. Veronica reaches in to release Mason, pulling the duct tape from his mouth first. VERONICA: Are you okay? MASON: [furious] I was jumped and thrown in the back of my own car by some psycho who thinks that I killed his father! So, no! I've had better days. Veronica's managed to remove the tape binding his hands and pulls him out of the boot. Mason drinks in the air, panting heavily. He staggers and turns to Veronica. MASON: Thank you for believing me. Veronica slams the boot lid down. VERONICA: You lied about having a gun. MASON: But I wasn't lying about what I saw. VERONICA: He seems convinced otherwise. MASON: Oh, really? I-I must have missed that. He glares at her before walking towards the front of the car. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - NIGHT. Music: "Undone" by Todd Deatherage. LYRICS: I know you said I better not show my head Around here anymore I've heard that before I should have known You wanted to be alone You sold the bed And you kept the rent Guess everything I wanted is said Or is never gonna get said 'Cause our love is already dead To you We've come undone Thought love was gonna be fun But we've come undone Yeah, we've come undone You packed my- The Food Court is decorated for Valentine's Day. People in red t-shirts which declare "Find the Love" on the back, have set up a table and are handing out decorated Cupid's arrows to other students, in groups of fours, some with their own team t-shirts. Logan, Parker, Mac and Bronson are one such team, although they have eschewed the matching look. Logan takes their arrow, around which there is wrapped a scroll. LOGAN: Will this require math? PARKER: I hope not. LOGAN: 'Cause I'm bad at math. MAC: I'll do the math. You just be male and drive. PARKER: Mmm-hmm. They turn their attention to Sid, the head red t-shirt and organiser of the Valentine's Day Scavenger Hunt. This title is what adorns the front of the red t-shirts. SID: Okay, so, here's how it works. You've just been given a clue that will lead you to a set of instructions. You must take a cell phone photo of your team performing the task, as instructed. Send it to me, and I'll send you the next clue. The first team to finish wins backstage passes to all tomorrow's parties. The collected students cheer and clap. SID: So, okay, couples! Are we ready for the Valentine's Day scavenger hunt? There's more cheering and clapping. SID: Then open your clues. Logan unrolls the scroll. He opens it out for the others to see. In cutesy font, it reads: "Clue #1: Demonstrate 127 of HQ470.S3V3." Logan shoves it at Mac. LOGAN: You do the math. I'll drive. Logan starts moving. Mac grins and Parker laughs, jumping off the table on which she was sitting to follow. End music: "Undone" by Todd Deatherage. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. Keith leans out from the refrigerator to call to Veronica in her room. KEITH: Honey...why is there a pistol in the freezer? Veronica is laying on her bed, reading a textbook. VERONICA: Because there's this guy, see, and I want to put him on ice. Keith starts walking towards her. VERONICA: Because revenge is a dish best served cold. He reaches her room and stares down at her. VERONICA: Because I want to commit murder in the 28th degree? KEITH: Stop. VERONICA: Josh paid me a surprise visit when I got home. She closes her textbook and lifts herself up to a sitting position, taking in the concerned look on Keith's face. VERONICA: I'm fine. He had Mason shoved in his trunk. The gun was Mason's. KEITH: It's a .22. VERONICA: Yeah, I pointed that out. It's weird. If Josh is guilty, what's he doing going after Mason? That's what an innocent man does. KEITH: Yeah, I'm forming a new theory about that. Keith has an envelope in his hands. He takes a seat on Veronica's bed. KEITH: Mrs. Barry thought her husband was having an affair. Before he was murdered, she hired Vinnie to tail him. Vinnie snapped these. Keith hands her the photographs he has extracted from the envelope. Veronica examines them. There are three, taken from various distances. They show Coach Barry with a woman. They are standing in a car park, at the back of a car, license plate number 456POI3. VERONICA: You think Mrs. Barry hired someone to kill her husband? KEITH: That's one possibility, but it would be odd for her to hire us after that. Veronica waits in anticipation. VERONICA: I'm not gonna provide a drum roll. Keith grins. KEITH: I was able to ID our mystery woman from her plates. Her husband is a captain. Official side arm of the navy? Colt .45. I wonder if the captain found out about the affair. Veronica nods. KEITH: I'm gonna pay a visit tomorrow. Keith gets up from the bed and walks towards the door. VERONICA: Be careful. KEITH: And where did you leave things with Josh? VERONICA: I told him to turn himself in. KEITH: Good. VERONICA: And I called the sheriff's department and told them he made contact. KEITH: Good. VERONICA: And I might have also promised to help him sell his coin collection so that he could skip the country. Veronica pulls a face. KEITH: Veronica. VERONICA: I'm not really gonna do it. But it will help us bring him in. We can lay a trap. She mimes casting out a fishing line. Keith looks resigned and walks out of the room. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LIBRARY - NIGHT. Mac, Logan, Bronson and Parker troop down one of the sets of library stairs. MAC: See? I told you. It's a library of congress number. They start checking the shelves. LOGAN: Am I the only one who misses good old Melvil Dewey? And there it is, all the knowledge I retained from fourth grade. Melvil Dewey. Oh, and the types of clouds. You know, stratus, cumulus, cirrus- As Logan drivels on, Bronson finds and pulls a book out of the bookcase. He holds it up to show the others through the gap between the books and the bottom of the next shelf. BRONSON: Indian Sutras. MAC: Hmm. The others race around to join him. Bronson is flicking through the book. Parker joins him. Logan unrolls the scroll. MAC: Demonstrate... Mac checks the scroll. MAC: 127. Page? She joins the other two poring over the book as Logan watches. Bronson sees something startling. BRONSON: Whoa. He flicks past a few more pages. BRONSON: Ah, look. "The Kama Sutra, plate number eleven...Congress of the Cow." MAC: So, we, like... PARKER: Demonstrate. She lets out a slightly embarrassed laugh. PARKER: Happy Valentine's Day. Mac and Bronson exchange a long look before Mac glances at Parker. MAC: Okay, you first. BRONSON: Yeah. Parker gives Logan a slightly worried look, and then thinks "What the hell." She walks over to him. LOGAN: Yeah. They start positioning their bodies with Parker trying to get her leg on Logan's shoulder. Mac readies her cell phone to take a picture. Bronson starts a private perusal of the book. Logan halts his and Parker's contortions. LOGAN: Wait. That's "Splitting of a Bamboo." Can I see that for a second? BRONSON: Yeah. Bronson holds out the book with shows the woman standing in front of the man, holding up her right leg with one hand and the man's left leg with the other as he stands behind her. LOGAN: Oh, shoot. PARKER: Okay. Parker and Logan assume the position. Mac takes the picture and grins. BRONSON: That's good. Bronson and Mac nod at each other. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, RADIO STATION - NIGHT. Music: "Lovers Who Uncover" by the Little Ones. LYRICS: Where do all the lovers Meet with one another In an effort to uncover What has happened to their salad days? The sprite ones on the corner- Sid is now ensconced in the broadcast booth of the radio station. One of his fellow red t-shirts knocks on the window and points to Sid's computer. Sid sits down by it and checks the screen. He laughs as the pictures of Parker and Logan, and of Mac and Bronson, appear on the screen. End music: "Lovers Who Uncover" by the Little Ones. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. Veronica eases back into the armchair. She points the remote at the TV. Live coverage of the crowd at a basketball game fills the screen. SPORTS COMMENTATOR: ...and with that match- STATION ANNOUNCER: And a reminder: our regularly scheduled programming can be seen an hour after its usual time. Veronica groans and throws her head back on armchair. She jerks her head up as a thought occurs to her. She gazes intently at the screen. INT - DRUGSTORE - NIGHT. A box of Super Titans condoms is pushed across a counter. The clerk picks it up to scan it as Logan gets cash out of his wallet and slaps it on the counter. DRUGSTORE CLERK: [sceptically] Super Titans? LOGAN: It's a curse, actually. Logan picks them up and holds them up with a cheesy grin for a picture. Another box is handed to the clerk. She scans it and looks down at them with a smirk. Mac, less composes than Logan, pushes her money across the counter. She looks up at the clerk. MAC: Just hand them to me, please. The clerk does and Mac holds them up, smiling tightly. Parker grins as she takes the picture. Bronson is smirking behind Parker. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, RADIO STATION - NIGHT. Music: Unknown. LYRICS: Let's get it right We'll get it right We want it Let's get it right- Another red t-shirter gestures behind the window to Sid. He checks his computer screen. There are pictures of each of Bronson, Mac, Logan and Parker with their box of condoms, followed by pictures of the condoms blown up like balloons and twisted in animals. Sid grins. There's the sound of a knock on a door. End music: Unknown. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. Veronica is in deep concentration at her desk. Keith walks in. KEITH: Hey. You know you're missing that show where women have s*x in an urban setting. Veronica finishes what she's doing, announcing her conclusion. VERONICA: It's an hour off. She finally acknowledges Keith. VERONICA: You said Hank watched a Clippers game that night. Channel 9 pushes all their programming back an hour for Clippers games, which means on the night of the dean's murder, our earwitness was watching Space Ghost at 3:30, not 2:30. KEITH: Which means the shot he heard came an hour later, also after Mindy's car was returned to the hotel valet. Veronica nods and they both ponder the importance of this information. EXT - BEACH - DAYBREAK. Music: "Lost to the Lonesome" by Pela. LYRICS: Hey, we should crash the party on Christmas eve Hey, we should write our name on every wall we see Hey, we should break our wallets at every bar Hey, we could break the bed without broken hearts La la la la and we could leave the lonely and lost to their lonesome hearts Don't just stand there with your face in your hands Don't just stand there Clean up your broken glass! Hey, we should crash the party on New Years Eve And hey, we should write our name on every wall we see La la la la and we could leave the lonely and lost to their lonesome hearts Don't just stand there like a ghost in my room And don't just stand there with that same old TV set Don't just stand there pointing out west And don't stand there telling me I'm nothing It's dawn as Logan's Range Rover pulls to a stop on the beach near a lifeguard station. Laughing, the four pile out of the car. MAC: Tell me the next challenge is to sleep on the beach for twelve hours. Logan reads the text message on his phone. LOGAN: "Go to the top of the lifeguard station to rescue your final clue. Don't forget to bring your buddy." Logan looks at Parker, smiling, and runs up the sand towards the lifeguard station. The others follow and they jog to it. BRONSON: Buddies, buddies. LOGAN: Come on. PARKER: Where are we going? LOGAN: Let's go. MAC: Come on. BRONSON: You go first. They stumble up the steps and enter. PARKER: Okay. LOGAN: Hey. Look there. They start searching. Logan points Parker to the area above the door. She jumps up on something to reach. After a moment, Logan steps out of the building onto the porch and looks over the ocean. BRONSON: There's nothing here. LOGAN: Turn around. They all look out in the same direction. There's a buoy in the water on the top of which is a balloon. They file out and line up against the rail facing the water. BRONSON: Here's the thing...I'm not what you would call a strong swimmer. MAC: Yeah, Bronson can't swim. Parker sighs before adopting a determined face. She starts to unbutton her jacket. PARKER: Okay. Logan looks at her sceptically. LOGAN: Uh, do you have any idea how cold that water is? PARKER: Please. I'm from Denver. Parker peels off her jacket and starts to unbutton her sweater. LOGAN: Right. Which means you've never actually touched the Pacific Ocean. PARKER: I thought you were some kind of surfing badass. Logan laughs and accepts the challenge, throwing off his jacket. LOGAN: Okay. But I have a wet suit in the car. Why don't we just grab that? PARKER: We're in a race against time, Logan. We have no time for you to change out of your panties. With that, Parker heads down the beach. Logan grins as Mac and Bronson laugh. LOGAN: Panties. BRONSON: Ooh. LOGAN: Okay, that's fine. Logan follows Parker onto the sand, starting to unbutton his shirt. Parker takes off her shoes as Logan takes off his shirt. He shouts back to Bronson. LOGAN: You can't swim, huh? Logan and Parker run down to the water. Bronson and Mac watch. Bronson whispers in Mac's ear. She smiles and they kiss. Cut to later. Mac and Bronson lead the wet and cold Logan and Parker back to the car. Parker's got the balloon, but is shivering. Logan throws his jacket over her shoulders. LOGAN: Hey. Here you go. PARKER: Thanks. They climb back into the car. End music: "Lost to the Lonesome" by Pela. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Keith and Veronica hurry into the main room. Lamb is standing in the area behind the main desk. KEITH: You got a second, Sheriff? LAMB: You two kids are sure up early. Just complete a shift snapping dirty pics at the Camelot? Lamb walks over to the coffee machine to pour himself a cup. VERONICA: We got O'Dell's time of death wrong. It wasn't until an hour later that the witness overheard the gunshot. LAMB: I'll be sure and get that noted on the dean's autopsy. Thanks for the bulletin, Keith. Lamb dismisses them and marches past Keith with his coffee. KEITH: According to the valet, Mrs. O'Dell was back at the Neptune Grand at the time of her husband's death. Lamb turns back to face them. LAMB: So, what, now I'm a jerk because I listened to a concerned citizen? VERONICA: No, just 'cause. SACKS: Sheriff! Sacks' shout startles Lamb and he jerks, spilling his coffee over his hand. LAMB: Does everyone need a piece of me this morning? Lamb starts licking the coffee from his hand as Sacks approaches him. SACKS: We got the results on the keyboard you wanted. KEITH: You got prints off the dean's computer? LAMB: By all means, Sacks, tell me the forensics results in front of Neptune's favourite amateur crime-fighting duo. Lamb glares at Sacks with a tight smile. Sacks hesitates. SACKS: I can't tell, Sheriff, are you being sarcastic- LAMB: Did you ID the prints or not, Sacks? SACKS: Yeah. Sacks checks the file. SACKS: Someone named Steve Batando. Keith and Veronica exchange significant looks. Lamb spins on his heel and heads into his office. SACKS: Sheriff? Keith and Veronica silently agree to make their exit, leaving the main office. VERONICA: Surprise. Batando can type. KEITH: Enough to write, "Goodbye, cruel world." I don't know, Veronica. He just doesn't seem like the perfect-murder kind of guy. VERONICA: Ratner said he overheard two men arguing in Landry's room. What if the second one was Batando? KEITH: Hmm. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY. Mac, Parker, Bronson and Logan race into the Food Court from outside. MAC: Okay, guys. PARKER: Stop it. BRONSON: Follow me. Follow me. They get to the organiser's table. Parker hands over the balloon with glee. PARKER: Yes. SID: Congratulations. You guys got third place. Sid holds out a small heart-shaped box. The team's face falls. Logan takes the box and they turn away from the table, groaning and giggling at their failure. Logan opens the box and checks a voucher inside. LOGAN: Hey, a $50 gift certificate for the Neptune Grand restaurant. That ought to come in handy. Mac grabs the voucher from him. BRONSON: Well, hey, it's still third place. MAC: More like second loser. Parker laughs. Logan throws up the box for Bronson to catch, although the latter is a little slow on the uptake. BRONSON: All right. Bronson gives Logan a companionable pat and walks away. PARKER: Bye. BRONSON: Bye. Logan watches Bronson walk away as Parker turns to Mac. MAC: See you. PARKER: See you. Mac also walks away. Logan turns to Parker. LOGAN: Hey, I had a good time last night. PARKER: Yeah. Me too. You're a sport, Logan. Parker takes off Logan's jacket. Here. She passes him the jacket. I'll, uh, I'll see you around. Okay. Logan watches her go. He heads out of the Food Court, passing Mac who's been caught by someone the credit writer's appear to call "Food Court Employee," although there's nothing to show that he is anything but hairy. HAIRY GUY: I keep on sending an error message... He continues mumbling incoherently. Mac is more interested in Bronson, who is waiting by a pillar. She ends the discussion. MAC: Okay. I'll see you. HAIRY GUY: Yes, see you tomorrow. Mac hurries to Bronson. MAC: What's wrong? BRONSON: Nothin'. I've just got O-Chem at eleven. By the time I get back to my apartment to take a nap, I'll have to come straight back. MAC: Or you could just come to my room. We could...I don't know...crash for an hour? Bronson takes his time consider the offer. BRONSON: Okay. Mac smiles. [SCENE_BREAK] INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MAC AND PARKER'S DORM ROOM - DAY. Music: "Swimmers" by Broken Social Scene. LYRICS: I was waiting for you I was standing around I was getting older I was going down If you always get up late You'll never be on time If you always make it After work Ba ba da-da-da After work Bronson and Mac are spooned in her bed, sated after s*x. They giggle. BRONSON: And this is what you meant by "crash"? MAC: Oh. Yeah. I meant "bang." They both laugh. MAC: I got my onomatopoeias mixed up. BRONSON: I don't think "bang" is the right word, either. Mac giggles and twists around in bed to face him. MAC: Well, not when you're all sweet and tender about it. BRONSON: I like being sweet to you. MAC: I'm really glad. They kiss. MAC: Wait. Can I say something else, instead of that? BRONSON: Oh. Uh, I like being sweet to you. MAC: Now all I got is..."thank you." BRONSON: That's okay. They laugh again and start kissing. End music: "Swimmers" by Broken Social Scene. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Steve Batando is hurled into a chair in the interrogation room. Lamb perches his butt on the table in front of him. Sacks is watching, standing in front of the door. BATANDO: What is this? Don't you have to charge me or something? LAMB: I just need you to answer a few questions. If Dean Cyrus O'Dell is found shot to death in his office, what are Steve Batando's fingerprints doing on his computer keyboard? BATANDO: You got to be...you think I killed that old b*st*rd? LAMB: The last thing typed on his keyboard was a suicide note, and whoever wrote it also put a bullet in the dean's head. Batando appears to run things through his head. BATANDO: That bitch is setting me up. LAMB: "That bitch" being your ex-wife? Batando gazes up at Lamb. BATANDO: I'm done talking. I want a lawyer. Lamb grins and leans down to him. LAMB: You got it, Stevie. Lamb slaps him on the arm. Cut to later. Batando is pacing in the cell. CLIFF: [offscreen] Mr. Batando? He looks up at the entrance to the room. Cliff stands at the door in shadow. He steps forward. CLIFF: Brace yourself for the best free legal representation in Neptune county. Batando stares hard at Cliff, half-recognising him from the scam in 305 "President Evil." BATANDO: Do I know you? Cliff has an instant of being uncomfortable before he brazens it out. CLIFF: I've got one of those faces. Cut to later still. Lamb, Batando and Cliff all take a seat at the interrogation room table. CLIFF: I'd like to remind my client that he is answering these questions only as a courtesy to the sheriff. LAMB: Is that it? CLIFF: That's it for now. Lamb tears into Batando. LAMB: Mr. Batando, where were you on the night of December 10th, approximately- CLIFF: Hold on. Cliff is reading the paperwork. He holds up a finger. CLIFF: It says here Mr. Batando was picked up at the laundromat on El Camino. LAMB: So? CLIFF: Just pointing out that my client was taken into custody a hundred yards inside Santa Rita County. You don't have jurisdiction there. Any information you gather today will be inadmissible. I'm sure you know that. Do go on. Batando smirks. Lamb sighs heavily. EXT - ANDRIOTTI RESIDENCE - DAY. A man in the uniform of a naval officer kisses a woman on the lawn of a well-appointed house. Keith watches as the man drives off. Keith gets out of his car, parked discreetly on the other side of the road, around a corner. He runs up to the house to catch the woman before she goes inside. KEITH: Mrs. Andriotti! The woman turns and watches as Keith jogs to get to her. He has the envelope with the photos in his hand. KEITH: Keith Mars. Sorry to bother you. I'm a private investigator looking into the death of Tom Barry. A few weeks before his death, his wife hired another P.I. to follow him. Keith takes out the pictures and hands them to her. KEITH: She suspected he was having an affair. Mrs. Andriotti, if you know something... DR. ANDRIOTTI: It's Dr. Andriotti. I'm a neurologist. Mr. Barry was a patient. KEITH: He was sick? DR. ANDRIOTTI: Have you heard of Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease? Keith shakes his head. DR. ANDRIOTTI: He was terminal. And what he was about to go through...all I know is whoever killed him probably spared that poor man a lot of suffering. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. Veronica enters the apartment. She sees Keith sitting at the counter. VERONICA: You're alive. I'm always happy to come home and find my dad hasn't been shot by a naval officer. She pats him on the back on route to dropping her bag on the armchair. KEITH: Some interesting twists in the Coach Barry case. It turns out the coach's wife took out an additional life-insurance policy on her husband a couple of days after Vinnie showed her the pictures of her husband with another woman. Veronica pauses in getting herself something to eat to respond. VERONICA: Oh, my. KEITH: And that's not all. The new policy had a double-indemnity clause. If his death is ruled an accident -- say, a carjacking/murder, for instance -- it paid out double. As it stands, the family will be sitting pretty with a five million dollar payout. Veronica gets her dinner out of the microwave. She brings it over to the counter. VERONICA: Mrs. Barry was at home with the younger son and the babysitter at the time of the murder. You think she hired somebody? KEITH: That was my first thought, but with what? They took out a second mortgage to pay for their younger son's medical expenses. It's not like they'd find ten grand in the couch cushions. And it's not like hit men work on spec. Veronica pauses chewing her food as she remembers the coin collection. KEITH: Veronica? She doesn't share. VERONICA: Nothing. KEITH: Wait till you hear the kicker. The coach wasn't having an affair. The woman he was seeing is a neurologist. The coach was dying of Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease. It promised a grim, prolonged, and expensive death. She may have actually done him a favour. Veronica goes into deep thought. EXT - BARRY RESIDENCE - DAY. Keith walks up to the Barry's house. (It's still the same house, but bears a different number from that on Vinnie's invoice: 585.) He rings the bell. Kathleen Barry opens the door. She's surprised to see him. MRS. BARRY: Keith. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Veronica is working on her laptop. She is creating the fake ID for Josh. Her cell phone rings. It's a call from "Number Unavailable - Unknown." She answers. VERONICA: Josh? EXT - NEPTUNE BANK - DAY. Veronica's Saturn parks opposite the Neptune Bank. Josh is in the passenger seat. VERONICA: Here. She holds up the ID. VERONICA: Your new ID. Josh takes it. JOSH: Thanks, Veronica. VERONICA: Good luck. Josh climbs out of the car and heads to the bank. Veronica watches him go through the wing mirror. VERONICA VOICEOVER: You think you're nervous now? What if you knew that there's a chance those coins will be gone, and if they're gone, it means your mother had your father killed? EXT - BARRY RESIDENCE - DAY. Keith and Mrs. Barry are sitting at a table on the back patio. MRS. BARRY: Mr. Mars, it sounds to me like you're asking if I had my son kill my husband for insurance money. KEITH: Not exactly. MRS. BARRY: Wait here. I want to show you something. Mrs. Barry gets up and walks into the house. Keith watches her go warily. INT - NEPTUNE BANK - DAY. Keith walks up to one of the bank tellers who, according to her name tag, is called Angela. JOSH: I need to get into my safe deposit box, please. ANGELA: Can I see some ID? Josh hands over the ID. The teller examines it carefully, looking up at Josh. He smiles nervously. INT - BARRY RESIDENCE - DAY. A door opens to a cupboard under stairs. Mrs. Barry scoots in a little ways, her hand searching around the back of a doll's house. She pulls out a gun. She cocks it. INT - NEPTUNE BANK - DAY. The bank teller leads Josh into a room. Josh is carrying a safety deposit box. ANGELA: Here you go, Mr. Barry. I'll give you your privacy. She leaves him in privacy. Josh sits down at the table and opens the box. EXT - BARRY RESIDENCE - DAY. Mrs. Barry returns to the patio. To her consternation, Keith isn't there. MRS. BARRY: Mr. Mars? INT - BARRY RESIDENCE - DAY. Mrs. Barry walks softly in the house, pulling the gun from her pocket. As she passes an open door, Keith darts out, grabs her wrist, twists, and takes the gun from her. Mrs. Barry grimaces in pain, having been forced to her knees. Keith disarms the gun. KEITH: That's a colt .45. Something you want to tell me, Mrs. Barry? On her feet, she glares at him, panting heavily. INT - NEPTUNE BANK - DAY. Josh has pulled a smaller box from the safety deposit box. He stares down at it for a moment, then opens it. It is full of coins. Josh checks the safety deposit box. There's nothing else there. He is about to replace the lid of the coin box when he sees a computer disc in a paper case jammed inside. His name is on it. He pulls it out and stares at it. INT - BARRY RESIDENCE - DAY. Keith and Mrs. Barry are in the dining room. She's sitting at the table while Keith stands at one end of it. The gun is on the table. Mrs. Barry is rubbing her arm. MRS. BARRY: Mr. Mars, I was not planning to shoot you. That is so ridiculous. I don't even know how to use a gun. KEITH: You pull the trigger. MRS. BARRY: Listen to me. I got the gun to show it to you. When Josh told me that my husband was killed and the police showed up, I hid it. KEITH: Because he did it? MRS. BARRY: Because I thought it would make him look guilty. But then I read on the internet that they can test them, can't they? That's why I wanted you to have it, to prove that my son is innocent. Keith sighs and drops into the chair. MRS. BARRY: It was Tom's old gun from his army days. He coached there, you know. Keith sighs again. EXT - NEPTUNE BANK - DAY. Josh heads back to Veronica's car, carrying the coin box. He gets in. VERONICA: So? He opens the box, showing her the coins. VERONICA: Relieved? Josh holds up the computer disc. JOSH: This was in there, too. It's my dad's handwriting. Veronica takes the disc. VERONICA: Do you have any idea what it is? Josh shakes his head. JOSH: None. Veronica looks at it suspiciously. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. A gun in a plastic bag drops down on Sacks' desk. Sacks stares at it. SACKS: Hey, Keith. What's that? KEITH: Something Mrs. Barry neglected to turn over. She wants it tested for powder residue. She thinks it'll help prove her son didn't do it. Sacks picks it up but before he can do anything with it, Lamb hurries through the office to his guns, shouting. LAMB: Let's move, Sacks. He talks into his radio. LAMB: Give me that address again. RADIO: 112 Delmar Circle. KEITH: Something happen at the O'Dell's'? LAMB: Yeah, another breaking-and-entering call. KEITH: It's Batando. LAMB: That's what I'm hoping. Lamb pauses to buckle on his weapons. KEITH: You want me to come along? It's just I've dealt with him before. The guy's a little unhinged. LAMB: I think I can handle it, Keith, but I'll tell you what. I'll give you a call if I need any backup. Sacks, hurrying to get his buckle secured, gives Keith an apologetic smile and follows Lamb out. EXT - O'DELL RESIDENCE - DAY. Lamb and Sacks run from their vehicle to the house. Their guns are drawn. Lamb opens the back gate. He sees that the glass in the back door has been broken and that the door is slightly ajar. LAMB: Make sure he doesn't slip out. Sacks is a little surprised at being told to stay, but does as he is told. INT - BARRY RESIDENCE - DAY. Lamb enters the house through the back door which leads to the garage. Lamb holds out his gun, checking as he passes the Volvo. He opens the door to the kitchen. Cut to a moment later as he comes into the main hall of the house. There's a shout from upstairs. BATANDO: You better hide, you crazy bitch! It's followed by the sound of smashing glass. Lamb heads up the stairs which are covered in plastic, as if in preparation for being painted. EXT - O'DELL RESIDENCE - DAY. Keith's car pulls into the driveway. He gets out of the car and looks up at the house. INT - BARRY RESIDENCE - DAY. Inside, Lamb is making his way slowly up the stairs. He gets to the first room at the top. The double door is ajar. He pulls on one and steps back, checking what he can see of the room. He pulls the other door open, holding his gun in front of him. He walks into the bedroom, also in readiness for redecoration. He glimpses a movement in his peripheral vision, turns, and fires at a mirror, which shatters. EXT - O'DELL RESIDENCE - DAY. Keith drops by his car at the sound of the shot. Sacks jerks and looks towards the back door. INT - BARRY RESIDENCE - DAY. Lamb ducks and cringes at the flying glass. He stares at the mirror in disgust, lowering his gun. He looks down at the glass, not seeing the shadow behind him until it's too late. He turns just as the figure attacks, catching him in the face and bringing him down. Batando raises the baseball bat again and brings it down hard on Lamb's head. BATANDO: You like that?! Huh?! Lamb is unconscious, blood starting to pour from his head. He raises the bat over his head to do it again, but there is a shot and he stumbles, falling against the wall. Sacks is at the door, having shot him in the chest. Batando clutches his chest as he slides down the wall. Sacks keeps the gun on Batando, and crouches down next to Lamb. He shakes him. SACKS: Sheriff? Lamb doesn't open his eyes but groans out. LAMB: I s-smell bread. Sacks is in shock, close to hyperventilating. He hears steps on the stairs and points the gun at the door. Keith crouches down and holds out his hand. KEITH: Sacks. Once identified, Keith clamours up the rest of the way and steps into the room. Sacks is back to pointing the gun at Batando. Keith puts his hands on Sacks' arm. KEITH: Sacks. It takes a second but Sacks pulls himself together enough to listen to Keith. Keith forcibly lowers Sacks' gun. KEITH: I need for you to go call for an ambulance now. Sacks straightens, still staring at Batando. He slowly exits the room, still breathing jerkily. Keith looks down at Lamb. He checks for a pulse at Lamb's neck. His expression says that it doesn't look good. EXT - BEACH - DAYBREAK. Josh is staring out at the ocean. Veronica arrives behind him, carrying a laptop. They load the computer disc. It's Coach Barry on video. COACH BARRY: Son, if you're watching this, you're twenty-one years old, I'm long gone, and the statute of limitations has run out on our insurance claim. It's time you know. I was responsible for my own death. Joshua, as I make this tape, I'm dying of a disease that will sap me of my mind and our financial resources. I had my first attack today. And I won't allow myself to have another. I didn't want to go out like that, but I won't leave our family destitute, either. The person I asked to help me wasn't a killer. He was a dear friend who knew everything. Son, please know that I am proud of you. I know I was tough on you, but I was preparing you to be man of the house. I leave this earth with no doubt you've taken good care of your mother and brother the past couple of years. That's simply the kind of man you are. The coach smiles. Josh is stunned. He wipes away a tear. Veronica watches him sympathetically. On the disc, the coach indicates to someone that he's done. A figure can be seen in a reflection behind him, operating the camera. VERONICA: Josh, there's someone else in the room. The back of a dark-haired figure wearing a team jacket can be seen in the reflection. VERONICA: It looks like you. Josh peers down at the screen. JOSH: That's, uh, that's Coach Yeager. He was my dad's assistant coach. He played for him at army. VERONICA: That's who Mason saw. INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY. Veronica enters the office. She walks to Keith's office where he is sitting at his desk at his laptop. VERONICA: They said on the radio that Sheriff Lamb is still in intensive care. Keith leans back in his chair and stares at her. KEITH: My buddy in customs found footage of Josh crossing the border on a fake ID. Please tell me it's just a coincidence. VERONICA: Dad- KEITH: [angry] You want to give me plausible deniability? I suggest you remember to unplug the laminator next time. Keith thumps his desk. KEITH: Why, Veronica? VERONICA: You know Josh didn't do it. KEITH: Only guilty people flee the country, honey. VERONICA: Here's something you need to see. Veronica pulls the computer disc out of her bag. She hands it to Keith who snatches it. The phone rings at her desk. With a final look pleading for understanding, Veronica goes to answer the phone. VERONICA: Mars Investigations. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, BASEMENT - DAY. Weevil and his boss, both equipped with flashlights, are making their way past leaking pipes. WEEVIL'S BOSS: The same thing happens every year. "Heat's not working." The furnace smells bad." Wah, wah, wah. Hell, the thing's as old as the damn university. They get to what looks like a boiler. WEEVIL'S BOSS: Trustees might as well put it on the historical registry. Look at that. Rusted clear through. Hey, Weevil, why don't you clean the flue, long as we're down here, huh? WEEVIL: Sure. Weevil gets a flue brush and opens a door into the flue. He sets his flashlight down in the flue. He leans in and looks above. He starts to use the brush but he catches a bag which falls down into the flue. He pulls it out of the flue and opens the bag, pulling out a shirt. There's blood on it. WEEVIL: Whoa. Boss. I think you should see this. Weevil's boss stops his work and shines his flashlight at Weevil's hands. Weevil is holding out a pair of blood-stained gloves. INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY. Keith is watching the end of Coach Barry's video. COACH BARRY: [offscreen] That's simply the kind of man you are. VERONICA: It's the County Commissioner's office. Keith shuts his laptop. KEITH: So, Josh is planning to stay gone until his family's insurance money is safe? VERONICA: That's his plan. He said he'd try to get in touch with his mom, tell her what really happened, but that it was more important for her and his little brother to be taken care of. He said it was time for him to be a man. Keith is in deep thought about this. VERONICA: Dad, the County Commissioner. Keith picks up the phone. KEITH: This is Keith Mars. Sure, Commissioner. Keith listens. KEITH: No. Keith pauses again. KEITH: What? Veronica looks over at Keith and stops what she is doing at her desk to watch him. KEITH: [offscreen] I'm very sorry to hear that. Veronica walks to his door. KEITH: [offscreen] Of course. Keith is very sombre. KEITH: First thing in the morning, fine. Keith nods. KEITH: Okay. Goodbye. He hangs up the phone and looks up at Veronica. He stands. KEITH: He, uh... Keith struggles a little. He stares down at the phone before looking back at Veronica. KEITH: He says Sheriff Lamb's dead. Veronica is shaken. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY. Veronica and Wallace have trays and are at the till of one of the booths. WALLACE: I can't believe Josh did it and just disappeared. Wallace sighs heavily. WALLACE: How awful for that guy's family. Veronica seems to consider telling his the truth for a moment, but decides not to. As Wallace pays, she steps forward to find a free table. She stops short on seeing Logan and Parker at one of the tables, chatting happily. Logan is smiling. Veronica stares at them until Wallace comes up behind her and nudges her. She looks back and then follows him. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Sacks opens an interrogation room door and indicates for Mindy to step inside. She does so, fed up. Sacks follows her in. MINDY: I really don't understand why you had to drag me down here- She breaks off on seeing Keith, in his sheriff's uniform, at the door. KEITH: I know. I'm a tough man to shake, Mrs. O'Dell. Keith walks in and shuts the door behind him. MINDY: What do you want, Keith? KEITH: Sheriff Mars. Mindy sits down on one of the chairs. Keith approaches her with a file in his hand. KEITH: Two maintenance workers found a bag of bloody clothes on campus. He hands her the file. She opens it and pulls out photographs of a bloody shirt. On one of the close-ups, the initials HRL can be seen on one of the pockets. Keith points to it. KEITH: The shirt belongs to your boyfriend, Hank Landry. So, here's the deal. Either you're covering for him, or he's covering for you, and you're gonna tell me which it is right now. Mindy looks genuinely stunned by what she sees. She thinks for a moment before turning her big baby blues up at Keith.

Plan: A: any evidence; Q: What does Sheriff Lamb not have to hold Veronica? A: Sheriff Lamb; Q: Who is killed? A: jail; Q: What does Sheriff Lamb release Veronica from? A: Keith; Q: Who learns that the coach's wife hired Vinnie Van Lowe? A: Vinnie Van Lowe; Q: Who did the coach's wife hire to find out if her husband was having an affair? A: Josh; Q: Who contacts Veronica and insists he is being framed for his father's murder? A: Logan; Q: Who joins Mac and Parker on a Valentine's Day scavenger hunt? A: Parker; Q: Who does Logan draw closer to? A: a suspect; Q: What does Lamb attempt to apprehend? A: backup; Q: What does Lamb not wait for? Summary: Without any evidence to hold her, Sheriff Lamb releases Veronica from jail. Keith learns that the coach's wife hired Vinnie Van Lowe to find out if her husband was having an affair, while Josh makes contact with Veronica and insists that he is being framed for his father's murder. Logan joins Mac and Parker on a Valentine's Day scavenger hunt, and draws closer to Parker. Lamb attempts to apprehend a suspect without waiting for backup, and is killed.

"Spaceman in a Crater" [SCENE_BREAK] TEASER (Open: A blue sky. From the left an object comes hurdling down and lands heavily in an open field with two cows milling about. The cows moo.) (Cut to: a view of the crater through binoculars.) BOOTH: (V.O) Can you make anything out? BRENNAN: (V.O) Yes. It's a crater. (Cut to: Brennan looking through the binoculars then a shot of Booth, Brennan and a farmer standing atop an FBI truck looking over the crater.) BOOTH: We know it's a crater, Bones. The question is, what caused it? BRENNAN: You should ask a geologist. FARMER: I can tell you for sure it's not a meteor. BOOTH: You got a look at what's inside? FARMER: Not for long. State troopers didn't want anyone getting near it until you people got here. BOOTH: That's very nice of them. BRENNAN: But what did it look like? FARMER: Uh, I'm pretty sure it was meat...Meat wearin' clothes. BOOTH: What do you wanna do? BRENNAN: Let's take a look. (Brennan and Booth approach the crater which contains an array of splattered body parts.) BOOTH: Mmm. So what do you think? Dead? I'm just saying, if he fell out of a plane, that plane is long gone by now. BRENNAN: No sign of a parachute. What do those shoes look like to you? BOOTH: Loafers. BRENNAN: He hit the ground at approximately 200 kilometers per hour. BOOTH: How can you tell that by his shoes? BRENNAN: A hundred and twenty-four miles per hour is terminal velocity for a falling human. BOOTH: So we're gonna go with the theory that this was once human? BRENNAN: I've never read about an alien encounter in which the aliens wore loafers. BOOTH: How much you wanna bet Hodgins has? (Cut to: Jeffersonian Medico-Legal-Lab - Forensics Platform. Brennan, Hodgins and Cam are examining the body while Booth watches.) CAM: The crows and critters sure made quick work of him. HODGINS: Yeah, but these Calliphora vicina eggs will confirm time of landing. BOOTH: Blowflies on aliens. Who knew? HODGINS: You're taking a show at me because I happen to believe that we are not all alone in an infinity of space? BRENNAN: It's not the believing in extraterrestrial life that's odd. BOOTH: It's the believing that they're visiting us. HODGINS: This guy is wearing loafers. Aliens don't wear loafers, people. CAM: Even if they want to pass unnoticed amongst us? BOOTH: Before taking us over? HODGINS: Oh. Oh, this is harassment. You know, it's illegal to mock people for their fundamental beliefs. BRENNAN: Is the tissue damage consistent with a long fall? (Zack enters.) CAM: Definitely. ZACK: You've seen something like this before? CAM: Suicide of the Chrysler Building. At least this one didn't hit the pavement. Zack: A human being reaches terminal velocity after falling 200 to 220 meters depending upon air resistance. Velocity would be achieved between five and eight seconds depending upon atmospheric conditions, body position and clothing. He fell from a minimum of 1,200 feet. I can run through the math if you'd like. BOOTH: Send me an email. (Brennan moves to look at one of the computer screens showing X-rays of the bones.) BRENNAN: This is--I want to say "anomalous", but I'm going to go with "weird." CAM: What's weird? BRENNAN: These areas of radial lucency here and here. ZACK: Extremely porous bones. BOOTH: What's that mean? CAM: That means he was ill. BRENNAN: His right femoral head shows significant demineralization. Zack? ZACK: I'd put him at a hundred and thirty. BOOTH: Hundred and thirty what? BRENNAN: Years. CAM: Old? BRENNAN: There's an alternate explanation. CAM: Then that's the one we should go with. ZACK: He was in outer space. BOOTH: So he fell from outer space in a pair of loafers? CAM: Hodgins left too soon. ACT ONE (Open: Medico-Legal-Lab - Zack and Hodgins are working in their station to the side of the platform.) ZACK: The F.A.A. reports no recent accidents involving anyone falling from a plane, balloon or blimp. Commercial or otherwise. HODGINS: The F.A.A. doesn't have jurisdiction over the entire universe, my friend. ZACK: Little green men? HODGINS: Gray. They're gray. Not green. Gray. Being as you're half alien yourself, you should know that. ZACK: If they'd dropped him from orbit, he'd have burned up and his loafers would've fallen off. If he was an abductee tossed out of an interplanetary spacecraft why do his bones show that he has spent an extended time in outer space? The only rational explanation is what he was an astronaut. (Cut to: Zack, Cam and Hodgins walk through the lab.) ZACK: Astronauts lose two percent of their bone mass for each month spent in space. Our victim's legs, hips and lower vertebrae have demineralized over twenty percent indicating ten months in space. CAM: Do we do that? ZACK: The longest shuttle flight was STS-80. 17.66 days in 1996. HODGINS: The longest we know of. ZACK: The man who spent the most time in space was a Russian cosmonaut. HODGINS: That we know of. CAM: Why do you know that? ZACK: My knowledge is vast. CAM: Why did I ask? Anyway, there can't be all that many people who have accumulated ten months in space. HODGINS: That we know of. CAM: Call Booth. Tell him to see if anyone's missing an astronaut. (Cut to: Brennan's office. Brennan is seated at her computer. Booth is standing in front of her desk holding a picture and file.) BOOTH: Meet Colonel Calvin Howard. Senior training specialist and crew liaison in the shuttle program. Currently working in the National Space Agency in Bristol, Maryland. BRENNAN: Angela just sent me her work in progress of the partial skull reconstruction. She says we expected too much too soon, but the shape of the head, the cheekbones... BOOTH: Close enough for jazz. BRENNAN: Six months in the international space station. Plus, a number of servicing missions to both the Hubble and Lansing telescopes. BOOTH: Wait. Does that add up to the right amount of bone rot? BRENNAN: Loss. Bone loss. And yes. Has anyone reported him missing? BOOTH: No, not exactly. BRENNAN: Not exactly? BOOTH: Well, astronauts are regarded as viable terror targets. Their whereabouts are extremely confidential. BRENNAN: I bet if you told the agency you were going to identify Colonel Howard to the press, they'd be a little more cooperative. BOOTH: Yeah. You know, I have been a wonderful influence on you. BRENNAN: Well, actually, I learned that move from Cam. BOOTH: Yeah, well, I went the other way with it: looked up his wife in the phone book. (Cut to: Col. Howard's home. Living room.) JEAN MARIE HOWARD: Did my husband die in some kind of training accident? BOOTH: We don't believe so, ma'am. No. LONI GOWAN: It couldn't have been. BRENNAN: How do you know that? COLLEEN ADAMS: Because the space agency would be all over this. BOOTH: You're probably right. They wouldn't let anybody else take the lead, not even us. BRENNAN: You say your husband left the day before yesterday? On what airline? JEAN MARIE: Cal flies himself. BOOTH: What kind of plane? JEAN MARIE: He has a turboprop Cessna out at McNichol. BRENNAN: What exactly does a senior training specialist and crew liaison do? COLLEEN: Um, we're not supposed to discuss these things. JEAN MARIE: For the past three years Cal's been training others to go up. BRENNAN: Because he lost his medical clearance? JEAN MARIE: How did you know that? BRENNAN: His X-rays show that he was suffering from a dramatic loss of bone density. BOOTH: Must have been hard on the colonel. Training others to do what he loved to do. COLLEEN: No. Cal was a team player. JEAN MARIE: He was training her husband, James, for almost a year. Actually, it was very hard on him. LONI: It would be hard on any of them. JEAN MARIE: All they ever think about is going back into space and all we ever think about it getting them back home. BRENNAN: Is there some kind rule that astronauts' wives travel in packs? JEAN MARIE: When you marry an astronaut, no one really understands except-- COLLEEN: Except other people who are in the same situation. JEAN MARIE: This is Cal's itinerary, uh, mainly when he intended to call me and...when he'd be back. BRENNAN: You expected your husband home today? JEAN MARIE: Yeah. (Cut to: Booth's Car. Booth and Brennan. Booth is on his cell phone.) BOOTH: Yeah, I just need to know if it's still in the hangar or not. It's a Cessna turboprop plane registered to Colonel Calvin Howard. Thanks. (Booth hangs up.) BRENNAN: It just seems so odd. Those women stick together like a harem. BOOTH: What? They support each other, you know? A lot of service wives are like that. BRENNAN: Well, what about astronauts' husbands? BOOTH: Look, their husbands train for years, Bones. All right? Their families invest their entire lives. (Booth's cell phone rings. He picks up.) BOOTH: Yeah?...Are you sure? Okay, great. Thanks. (hangs up) Well, plane's still in the hangar. BRENNAN: Well, if that's the plane he got tossed out of, then it didn't fly itself back. (Cut to: Airplane hanger. Booth and Brennan watch as a team of FBI agents search the hangar.) BRENNAN: If someone simply pushed him out of the plane, there might not be any evidence. We have to hope there was a struggle. (Nina Sanborn enters.) NINA: Excuse me. Can I see some I.D. please? BOOTH: Well, yeah, sure. I'll show you mine if you show me yours...Right. Here you go. NINA: That airplane belongs to the agency. BRENNAN: Our information is that it belongs to Colonel Calvin Howard. NINA: The agency leased it to him. BOOTH: Well it's being investigated as a possible crime scene. You were Colonel Howard's boss? NINA: Yes. Nina Sanborn. I carry a rank equivalent to an Air Force general. BOOTH: Why didn't you report him missing, General Sanborn? NINA: Equivalent, I said. I'm a civilian. Cal was--Colonel Howard wasn't missing. He was barely gone a day. BOOTH: You know, General Sanborn, I know you people are really tight-lipped, but I'm really good friends with a very aggressive federal prosecutor who's great at getting warrants. (An FBI forensic tech approaches.) FBI TECH: Agent Booth? I got the usual fibers, hair, particulates. BRENNAN: No blood? No sign of a struggle? FBI TECH: Nothing. You'll have my full report by the end of the day. BOOTH: Great. Okay. I need to know what Colonel Howard was working on at the time of his death. NINA: Get your warrant, Agent Booth. Dr. Brennan. (Nina turns to walk away.) BOOTH: Hey, excuse me, "equivalent to a general" Sanborn? (Nina stops and Booth holds up a piece of paper.) BOOTH: I got that warrant. BRENNAN: Why didn't you just tell her right away? BOOTH: Well, I was hoping that we could all be friends. NINA: Let me see that. (Cut to: Booth's office. Booth sits behind his desk, Hodgins sits in a chair in front of it, leafing through a document.) HODGINS: These are the documents you subpoenaed from the agency? BOOTH: Yeah, but all the info's blacked out. HODGINS: Want me to see if I can get anything out of this? BOOTH: Can you? HODGINS: No. I'd need originals. These are photocopies. BOOTH: Then why'd you offer? HODGINS: Well, why else would ask me here? BOOTH: 'Cause you're a conspiracy nut and I thought you'd enjoy filling in the blanks. HODGINS: With paranoid ravings? BOOTH: It's better than nothing. Lansing telescope. That mean anything to you? HODGINS: Yeah. It's a multi-gazillion dollar, deep space, multifrequency telescope that keeps needing "repairs." BOOTH: Why'd you say it like that? HODGINS: It doesn't need repairs. There's no rust in space. So-called "repair crews" are up there retrieving classified information. BOOTH: Classified information, huh? The telescope is pointed up at the planet Pluto. HODGINS: Pluto's no longer a planet. It was demoted. And if the Lansing was pointed away from the Earth, why would they need to black out all this material? BOOTH: Huh. HODGINS: Can I ask you a question? BOOTH: Yeah. HODGINS: What's the deal on proposing to, you know, a woman? BOOTH: Oh! HODGINS: I mean, what is the absolute proper way to do it? BOOTH; I don't know. The one time I did it, I got shot down flat. HODGINS: Did you do it by the book? BOOTH: Mm-hmm. Well, no. We were waiting for the stick to turn blue or not to turn blue and I realized I wanted to marry her if the stick was blue or not. HODGINS: Yeah, that's sort of what I did. Only without the sticks. BOOTH: You asked Angela to marry you? HODGINS: Apparently I didn't do it right. BOOTH: Do it again. Go all out this time, right? With the dinner and the gettin' down on one knee, the violin. Forget the violin. HODGINS: Hey, hey, hey. With his bone density sure as hell wasn't going back into space again. BOOTH: Yeah, I know. That's why he was training his replacement. HODGINS: His replacement? For what? BOOTH: To repair the Lansing telescope. HODGINS: Oh, brothers in arms, my brother. That replacement's the guy who can tell you things the agency doesn't want you to know. (Cut to: A shot of a large picture of the Earth on the floor which then pans up to show Booth standing on a balcony above it looking down. Brennan walks up.) BOOTH: Makes you feel small, doesn't it? BRENNAN: Because the picture's so big? BOOTH: No, because the universe is so big. BRENNAN: You're not looking at the universe. You're looking at an enlarged photograph of Earth. BOOTH: Well, you see one thing and I see another thing. Personally, I like what I see. (A space agency employee walks up.) S.A. EMPLOYEE: Agent Booth? Dr. Brennan? I'm afraid Commander James is scheduled for time on the A300 Zero-G. You're welcome to talk to him there. BRENNAN: The Zero-G? BOOTH: The Vomit Comet. (Cut to: Booth, Brennan and Commander James Adams suited up with headsets inside of an airplane.) JAMES: It makes no sense. A man flies eight missions into space and he falls out of a plane? I don't think so. BOOTH: All right, look. You don't know anyone who would want to throw him out of a plane? JAMES: Look, I don't mean to tell you how to do your work, but shouldn't you be tracking down everyone who flew over that particular piece of real estate? BRENNAN: We are, but not everyone files flight plans. BOOTH: And not everyone sticks to flight plans. BRENNAN: And you didn't answer the question. JAMES: Look, I don't know anyone who didn't like and respect Cal Howard. BOOTH: It's just that all these, uh, itineraries, people keeping secrets--even from their spouses. JAMES: Look, sir, I understand you have to ask questions like these, but Cal Howard and Jean Marie were a very solid couple. BRENNAN: Did you ever get drunk together? JAMES: What? BOOTH: What my partner is trying to ask is if you two were buddies. Did you go out and have drinks and exchange confidences? BRENNAN: Yes, that's what I asked. JAMES: Yeah, sure, of course. At times. BOOTH: So you would have known if his marriage was in trouble? JAMES: Yes, sir. I would. BRENNAN: How can you be sure? JAMES: Because Cal knew when I was unfaithful to my wife. BRENNAN: Colleen? JAMES: Right. You guys met her at Cal's place. Look. That has to stay between us. BOOTH: Strictly between us. JAMES: Cal Howard was my friend, my colleague and my teacher. If someone tossed him from an airplane, I'll do whatever I can to help. BOOTH: Then why do I get the feeling you wanna tell us something? (A man speaks to James through his headset.) MAN: Prepare to go weightless. JAMES: We're about to go weightless. As the plane reaches the apogee of a climb, then falls we will have fifteen to twenty seconds of weightlessness. (All three begin to float. James goes to the controls, Brennan laughs and does flips, Booth playfully bats at his floating pen. Gravity is restored. All three sit back down.) BRENNAN: That was great. BOOTH: Man, you're not kidding. BRENNAN: I would like very much to do that again. BOOTH: I believe you were about to tell us something? JAMES: Cal was talking to S.T.C. BRENNAN: The what? (Cut to: Jeffersonian - Medico-Legal Lab-Hodgins, Booth and Brennan walk through the lab.) HODGINS: Space Travel Coalition. It's a privately funded space exploration and tourism group. And did you? BOOTH AND BRENNAN: Did we what? HODGINS: Vomit in the comet? BOOTH: No, I didn't vomit, okay? I'm sure they were trying. BRENNAN: They can try me anytime. It was truly amazing. BOOTH: You had little bit too much fun, okay? So what's up with this whole thing about the space tourists? HODGINS: Celestial joyrides for gazillionaires. Selling seats on a spaceship that don't even exist yet. BRENNAN: And won't be viable for at least another few years. HODGINS: That's what they want you to think, but these guys are swimming in dough. I already bought my ticket. I wanna see what's going on up there with my own eyes. What? (Cut to: Cam's autopsy room. Angela and Cam are looking over a table of the clothing.) ANGELA: These are the victim's clothes? CAM: Yes. ANGELA: And you'd like me to do what with them? CAM: Construct a three-dimensional hypothesis of what caused this damage to the clothing. ANGELA: Falling from an airplane isn't enough? CAM: Well, that would explain the burst seams and pressure tears, but this seems to be... ANGELA: Slashes. CAM: Yeah. When Zack gets ahold of the bones maybe you two can figure out if something catastrophic happened to this man. ANGELA: You mean before he fell to Earth? CAM: Yes. Go do your magic. (Zack walks in as Angela takes the the clothing. Cam and Zack walk over to a plastic covered body.) ZACK: Now? CAM: Are you certain you can't do what needs to be done with X-rays alone? ZACK: Do you need continued access to the soft issue? CAM: Why would the body burst vertically when all the forces are horizontal? ZACK: Ah, so you need more time with the soft tissue to answer that? CAM: Not really. ZACK: Please explain to me your reluctance to remove the flesh from the bones. CAM: I'm all right with it, Zack, if it's absolutely necessary. Even the boiling part, but perhaps you could at least acknowledge that this is a person? ZACK: Was, you mean. CAM: Was someone's husband, Zack. ZACK: What does that have to do with removing the flesh from his bones? CAM: Fine. Do what you have to do. ZACK: Thank you. CAM: Igor. ZACK: I beg your pardon, Dr. Saroyan? CAM: Nothing. (Cut to: Brennan's office. Brennan is sitting on her couch, Booth walks in.) BOOTH: Hey Bones, I ran a check on the S.T.C. They're part of the tinfoil hat squad. BRENNAN: What's that? BOOTH: They were tin little hats. Probably to keep aliens from controlling their minds. BRENNAN: Oh, schizophrenics? BOOTH: It's hard to believe that Colonel Howard was part of an organization like that. BRENNAN: Do they have access to planes? BOOTH: Access? Are you kidding me? They actually have a border patrol division. Members fly their own private planes and do bimonthly sky patrols in search of U.F.O.'s. BRENNAN: Do they file flight plans? BOOTH: Bones, you're a genius. Look, two nights ago they had planes on U.F.O. patrol within spitting distance of where Colonel Howard's body was found. ACT TWO (Open: FBI Conference Room. Booth and Brennan sit on one side of the table, Adam Bahr sits on the other.) ADAM: Look, we're not a collection of kooks. Just ordinary people with a mission to promote a friendly liaison with the visitors. BOOTH: That's quite a manifesto. ADAM: Until you've had an encounter you couldn't possibly understand. BRENNAN: You've been abducted? ADAM: Multiple times. BOOTH: Mm-hmm... ADAM: Through hypnosis I discovered that medical testing was done, and follow-ups were required. BRENNAN: Are there any side effects from these medical procedures? ADAM: You mean like tin hats? BRENNAN: Paranoia, outbursts of anger, loss of connection with reality? ADAM: You asked me to come, I'm here. I run a very successful aeronautics company. I'm richer than God. Do I appear to have lost contact with reality? BRENNAN: Well what about post-abduction syndrome? Similar to post-traumatic stress disorder. P.A.S. is very real. ADAM: I admit to bouts with it. Frankly, it's one of my main motivators. When we meet the visitors face to face, they will explain so many things to us. BRENNAN: Including why you were taken. ADAM: And why they put an implant in me, only then to remove it. BOOTH: Great. Do you, uh, know this guy? ADAM: Colonel Howard. Of course. BOOTH: So it's true that you offered him a position with the S.T.C.? ADAM: Yes. BRENNAN: As a method of bringing credibility to your organization? ADAM: Yes, but you have to understand, it was Colonel Howard who came to us. BOOTH: Why? ADAM: He wanted to pilot our suborbital flights. BOOTH: 'Til your spaceships are ready, he was gonna help you look for the U.F.O.'s? ADAM: Laugh if you must, but Cal didn't think we were crazy. He'd seen something himself up there, you know? And he's hardly the first. Quite a few astronauts and military pilots have reported seeing evidence of the visitors. BRENNAN: Colonel Howard told you this? ADAM: Yes, he did. So trust me, I would've been proud to have been the one to send Cal Howard back into space. BOOTH: Would've been? ADAM: He changed his mind six weeks ago. BOOTH: That didn't make you a little angry? ADAM: No, not angry. Disappointed. BOOTH: Great. Then you wouldn't object to my partner and I taking a look at your fleet of planes? ADAM: No, not at all. BRENNAN: Why do you think Colonel Howard changed his mind? ADAM: They got to him. Through his wife, I believe. BRENNAN: They? ADAM: The agency. They can be very persuasive. BOOTH: Persuasive? ADAM: In my opinion, the agency would rather have Cal die than have him announce to the world he'd seen a visitor. (Cut to: Col. Howard's home. Kitchen. Brennan and Booth are questioning Jean Marie again.) JEAN MARIE: That's not true. The agency loved Cal. They valued him. BRENNAN: Why didn't you tell us about the S.T.C.? JEAN MARIE: Because it's embarrassing. Cal wanted to get back into space so badly he would even listen to those crazy people. BRENNAN: Did your husband see something up there? BOOTH: Yeah, something that made him sympathetic with Mr. Bahr's organization? JEAN MARIE: Well, obviously you know that he did. Or he said he did. BRENNAN: And you doubted him? JEAN MARIE: It doesn't really matter now, you know? That was three years ago. It was his last mission and the agency explained it in a such a way that Cal was satisfied. BOOTH: Look, it's important we know the truth, Miss Howard. JEAN MARIE: Why? BOOTH: Because what I've seen, your husband was a man of principle. And if he saw something, he wouldn't just back down to save his career with the agency even if his wige begged him to. JEAN MARIE: He insisted on filing an official report. He wouldn't withdraw it. BRENNAN: They asked him to? JEAN MARIE: Yes. But he stuck by his story. They weren't happy with him, but like I said, that's ancient history. (Cut to: Booth's Car. Booth and Brennan.) BRENNAN: Cal's friend knew about the S.T.C. His wife knew. Maybe the agency did as well. BOOTH: So they killed him by tossing him out of an airplane? BRENNAN: That field is less than a mile from the coastline. Obviously, they were aiming at the ocean and they missed. BOOTH: The question is why. I mean, it's a big ocean, right? There has to be a reason. BRENNAN: Maybe it wasn't a U.F.O. that Cal saw. BOOTH: Ah. BRENNAN: He could've seen something else. BOOTH: Yeah, like a death beam or a space baby. BRENNAN: I was thinking more along the lines of a spy satellite or experimental technology. Maybe the agency was afraid that Cal was sharing sensitive information with the S.T.C. BOOTH: Well, regardless, our government does not kill people. Okay, Bones? BRENNAN: You were a sniper. Wasn't it our government who sent you to kill people? Just saying. (Cut to: Jeffersonian - Medico-Legal Lab - Zach is retrieving bones from the boiling vat as Hodgins enters.) HODGINS: Mmm, something smells good. ZACK: Help yourself. (A Pop-Tart pops from a toaster on the table, Hodgins goes and gets it.) HODGINS: Those definitely human bones? Because, apparently, there are a few types of aliens. Races, if you will. One is quite reptilian, widely known as Greys. ZACK: Definitely human. HODGINS: Another's bone structure's more amphibian. ZACK: These bones are as human as you are. HODGINS: Oh if you only knew how irony packed that is...It's a joke. Don't you be coming around to boil me in the middle of the night. ZACK: There's a strange callus formation of his right femoral head. Also bone marrow edema in the same spot. HODGINS: Healing from a fracture? ZACK: No. It's some sort of tuberous cortical defect. I've never seen anything like this before. HODGINS: Now you're freaking me out. ZACK: I have to get Dr. Brennan to take a look at this. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab - Examination room - The skeleton is laid out on the table. Brennan, Cam and Zack are gathered around the table.) BRENNAN: It looks like he was in the initial stages of osteonecrosis. What did you get from the tox screen? CAM: Excess levels of vitamins D, K, E, A, and C. Along with glutamine peptides and creatine monohydrate. ZACK: All the supplements he was taking before his last space mission. BRENNAN: There's something odd about the texture of this bone. CAM: Leucine, isoleucine and valine. He foresaw going back into space. BRENNAN: This is not bone. ZACK: What is it? BRENNAN: A callus has formed over some kind of thick, porous substance. CAM: Careful. BRENNAN: It's an implant of some kind. ZACK: I never saw anything on the X-rays. CAM: How could that not show up on X-rays? BRENNAN: What the hell is this? ACT THREE (Open: Jeffersonian Medico-Legal-Lab -Hodgins is seated at his computer. Cam, Brennan and Zack are gathered around him.) HODGINS: Zoantharia of the order Scleractinia. ZACK: Scleractinia has a calcium carbonate exoskeleton with porosity similar to human bone. BRENNAN: Which would make it biocompatible. ZACK: So it wouldn't show up on X-rays. CAM: Wait, so this coral, like from a reef? ZACK: Suspended in a biphasic hydroxyapatite tri-calcium phosphate coating. BRENNAN: Theoretically, the calcium from the exoskeleton would grow hopefully overcoming the loss of his degenerating bone. CAM: Then this attachment would be... ZACK: And electromagnetic device implanted to accelerate growth. HODGINS: So it's a combination of human and alien technology. CAM: Don't say that to Booth. But if that's the case then all the vitamins and amino acids he was loaded up with were mainly to ward off infection. BRENNAN: And he'd need them, too. Bone marrow's highly susceptible. This is a very risky procedure. HODGINS: I gotta say it. Frank Olson. He was a U.S. Army scientist in the '50s and an unwitting participant in Project MK-ULTRA. They said he committed suicide, but an exhumation forty-five years later proved he was murdered. You need more. Project Paperclip. MK-Artichoke. And who could forget Tuskegee? The government experiments on people and then abandons them or worse. CAM: What's the point of this experiment? ZACK: The main obstacle to long-term space travel is bone demineralization. BRENNAN: If the space program could overcome this one effect their funding would triple overnight. HODGINS: Well, there you go. Experimental program for deep space fails and then the evidence has to be gotten rid of. CAM: By tossing it from a plane? Why not just have the visitors toss him into the sun? HODGINS: That is a good question. CAM: No, it's not. Sometimes when people try to cover things up it goes wrong. That's all. BRENNAN: First thing we should do is find out the source of this technology. (Cut to: National Space Agency - Nina Sanborn, Booth, Brennan and Colonel Bob Reid are talking.) NINA: Colonel Reid was Cal's commanding officer on three missions. BRENNAN: So you were the person to whom he reported the U.F.O. sighting? BOB: Oh for God's sake. You see what happens? You people get all secretive about things and...what Cal saw was space junk. It was satellite parts, a discarded hatch, a screwdriver. NINA: That information isn't cleared. BOOTH: Sounded like more than a screwdriver. BOB: Well it wasn't. Cal just thought we should be able to explain why it was whizzing around space at 25,000 miles an hour, and that's all. BRENNAN: Was Colonel Howard in a cast recently? BOB: Last winter. Said he broke his leg parasailing in the Caribbean. NINA: All of our astronauts suffer from brittle bones. BOB: I stepped off a ladder once, and my tibia snapped like a twig. NINA: Why do you ask? BRENNAN: Because of this. We found it in Colonel Howard's leg. We think it's designed to counteract the effects of osteonecrosis. NINA: Experimental surgery on one of our astronauts? Absolutely not. Our efforts to counter bone loss are limited to strength and resistance training and supplements. BOOTH: I trust you have documentation. NINA: Follow me. BOOTH: Thank you. (Booth and Nina leave.) BRENNAN: Colonel? Have you ever seen anything? Any screwdrivers up there? BOB: There's an awful lot up there to see, Doctor. The trick is not to let it cloud your judgement. BRENNAN: Did it ever cloud Cal's? BOB: Never. Not once. BRENNAN: And yet he wanted to go back into space so badly in spite of the physical damage it had caused him, the pain he was in. BOB: Let me show you something. (He leads her to a picture of two astronauts hanging on the wall.) BOB: You see this? That's me. And that there, that's Cal. Twenty minutes I spent out there that day and it is the last thing I think about every night. BRENNAN: I can imagine. BOB: No. All due respect, you really can't. This was the best moment of my life. Counting marriage, kids, everything. Now I'm not saying that's good or right, but I do know it was the same for Cal, for all of us who went up there, and we would do anything we could to get back. (Cut to: Jeffersonian Medico-Legal-Lab - Hodgins, Zack and Cam are gathered around a computer.) HODGINS: This coral's growth was aided artificially. ZACK: It was seeded with resin beads on glass plates. HODGINS: Which makes it rare enough to trace to a pharmaceutical supply house based in Geneva, Switzerland. ZACK: I searched the literature. There's a number of clinics and researchers working on bone replacement. The doctor most likely to have performed this procedure on our victim is Dr. Henry Pascal. CAM: In Switzerland? HODGINS: Based in Bethesda, with a clinic in Haiti. Plus, he worked for the Space Agency until 1998. CAM: What happened? HODGINS: He lost his funding and turned to the private sector. Namely, the Space Travel Coalition. CAM: The foil hat squad funds this guy? Booth is gonna love that. ZACK: Why? CAM: Because he doesn't believe in coincidences. (Cut to: FBI - Booth's Office. Booth and Brennan are meeting with Jean Marie Howard.) JEAN MARIE: Cal wasn't on vacation when he hurt his leg. He was in Haiti for a convention. BOOTH: Okay, so can you think of any reason Colonel Reid would tell us a different story? JEAN MARIE: No. Please, what...what's going on? BRENNAN: We found evidence in your husband's remains that he underwent an experimental surgery in Haiti. JEAN MARIE: What kind of experimental surgery? BRENNAN: To replace his bone loss. BOOTH: That sound like him? JEAN MARIE: Yes. BRENNAN: Was it like your husband to keep it a secret from you? JEAN MARIE: Yes. Cal wouldn't want me to worry. (Cut to - Jeffersonian - Angelator Room. Angela and Zack are running scenarios.) ANGELA: Cal Howard's skeleton before...and after he fell to Earth. ZACK: Every bone showed trauma. ANGELA: His clothing before...and after he fell to Earth. ZACK: Ripped. Every seam pulled apart. ANGELA: If I make the clothing translucent, we can see that some of the clothing damage lines up with the trauma to his skeleton. ZACK: And if you isolate the bone damage caused by a device capable of making robust cuts in a linear path... ANGELA: The guy was chopped. ZACK: Chopped? ANGELA: Yeah. Clothing damage, flesh wounds. ZACK: Bone damage. He was chopped. (Hodgins enters.) HODGINS: Ange, tonight, you and me, reservations at Les Deux Copains, 8:00. ANGELA: Wow. Fancy. HODGINS: Suit and gown fancy, baby. So leave your mukluks at home. ANGELA: What's the occasion? ZACK: An ax or a hatchet or a machete make sharp, well-defined cuts. These edges are abraded. HODGINS: This our guy? ANGELA: Hey do you aliens use any weapons resembling a... ZACK: A broadsword? HODGINS: How about a light saber? ZACK: No. Those can cut through any known substance. The victim would've been completely dismembered. HODGINS: If they existed, Zack. (then to Angela) Makeup, hair done, high heels. The whole enchilada. Only whatever's French for enchilada. ANGELA: No mukluks. Got it. (Hodgins leaves as Angela happily sighs.) (Cut to - Jeffersonian - Medico-Legal Lab - Upper Level Lounge Area. Brennan and Booth are meeting with Dr. Pascal.) BRENNAN: Dr. Pascal, Colonel Calvin Howard is dead. HENRY: Not because of anything I did. BOOTH: Wow. Didn't even blink. HENRY: Colonel Howard sought me out. May I know how he died? BOOTH: Let's just say it was a really bad fall. HENRY: And what's this got to do with me? BRENNAN: Was your procedure a success? HENRY: How do you define success? BOOTH: Just answer the question. BRENNAN: (to Booth) That's actually a fair question. HENRY: The results were heartening. BRENNAN: There were extremely painful calluses growing over your implant. HENRY: I'd very much like to see that. BRENNAN: And there was no indication of an actual reversal of necrosis. HENRY: The calluses were part of the healing process. See, coral resorption is slow but effective for osteoprogenitor cells. Incorporating the electrode was speeding the process. In my opinion, Cal was only months away from having mature lamellar bone. BOOTH: No way to know for sure now. (to Brennan) Right? BRENNAN: Correct. BOOTH: Probably to your benefit to terminate your experiment before it went wrong, keep those venture capitalists on the edge of their seats. HENRY: You think I pushed Cal Howard off of a ladder? BRENNAN: Or out of an airplane. HENRY: Look, you can have all my data, my projections, everything. Colonel Howard goes on the next shuttle mission to repair the Lansing telescope, I'm in every medical journal in the country. BRENNAN: That mission's a month away. Would his body have been ready? HENRY: At the rate Cal was healing, I believe so. BRENNAN: Did anyone at the agency know about this? HENRY: We were going to petition them officially next month. You may not like me, but I was his savior and he was mine. I didn't kill Colonel Howard. ACT FOUR (Open: Jeffersonian Medico-Legal-Lab - Brennan and Booth walk through the lab.) BRENNAN: Somebody's lying to us, right? BOOTH: Yeah. Maybe everybody. BRENNAN: Well, this is your strength. Reading people's minds, telling when they're lying. BOOTH: My strength? Wait a second. The trouble is...no, no, you haven't given me anything that I can spring on the suspect to see how he reacts. BRENNAN: Like what? BOOTH: Like a murder weapon. Or whether the poor b*st*rd was dead before he hit the ground. BRENNAN: Zack and Angela say he was. BOOTH: Okay, well, that's something. Dead how? BRENNAN: Best guess right now, a broadsword. BOOTH: Broadsword? Like King Arthur? BRENNAN: Yes. BOOTH: Broadsword? You know what, Bones? I like the whole alien thing much better. Broadsword? Where do you people come with this stuff? (Cut to: Another examination room at the Medico-Legal-Lab - The bones are laid out, Zack, Booth and Brennan stand around the table.) ZACK: I didn't say an actual broadsword. I said like a broadsword. It was the closest analog I could access. BRENNAN: No traces from the weapon left on the bone? ZACK: Traces are left when the weapon cuts deeply into the bone. Whatever this was wasn't very sharp. Left nothing behind. BOOTH: How about shape? ANGELA: (o.s.) The pattern is consistent with sharp force trauma from a curved blade approximately sixty-five millimeters thick. (Angela enters, seen first as a silhouette in the doorway, then steps into the room fully dressed up in a red dress and heels.) Angela: (cont'd) And if I am late for dinner, I will find whatever it is and I will hit you with it. BOOTH: Wow. You...you look incredible. BRENNAN: You really do. BOOTH: You know else I can tell just by looking at you? You smell great. ZACK: You cannot see smell. The victim was struck four times. BRENNAN: A glancing blow to the head, right humerus, thoracic and left femur. ANGELA: We couldn't figure out in what order. It's almost as though it was simultaneous. ZACK: The blow to the head is what killed him. BOOTH: Come on. Four hits simultaneously with a broadsword? Was he attacked by the Knights of the Round Table? BRENNAN: Sixty-five millimeters is too thick for a sword. Did you estimate a velocity? ZACK: The blade was moving at a velocity of approximately a hundred and sixteen meters per second. BOOTH: What's that in American? BRENNAN: About two hundred and sixty miles per hour. BOOTH: All right, I'm no expert in broadswords, but I do know-- BRENNAN: I know what happened! How fast does a propeller turn? ZACK: At full speed, the tips approach the speed of sound. ANGELA: But Howard exits the plane in flight. The propeller is ahead of him and pulling away. How could he come into contact with it? ZACK: There are pusher propellers. BRENNAN: It didn't happen in the air. BOOTH: He was pushed into a propeller? He would've turned into steak tartar. ANGELA: Scratch one item off the menu tonight. BRENNAN: Not if the plane was idling. Propeller speeds would decrease to a thousand or so R.P.M.'s. BOOTH: Let's go. BRENNAN: Where? BOOTH: To look for a dented propeller. Come on. ANGELA: Which you do not need me for. (Cut to: The airplane hanger. Again, Booth and Brennan watch as a team of FBI agents search the hangar.) BRENNAN: Hey. You're right. Here they come. (Nina, Colonel Bob Reid and Commander James Adams enter.) NINA: I hope you have another warrant. (Booth pulls out the warrant.) BOOTH: This is for the, uh, the hangar, but not the individual planes. BOB: Then why are your people looking at propellers? BOOTH: Because the warrant includes anything that is in plain sight. BRENNAN: "Plane" sight. Get it. It's a pun. BOOTH: Yeah. This is not the only hangar we'll be checking out. JAMES: What plane are you looking for specifically? BOOTH: We'll know it when we see it. BRENNAN: We believe that Colonel Howard was struck by a propeller. We're looking for blood stains using alternate light sources. NINA: You think Cal walked into a propeller? BOB: No way he makes a bonehead move like that. BRENNAN: We surmise he was pushed. NINA: But why? BOOTH: Here he was. This great guy, but he was a liability to one of you. NINA: One of us? BOOTH: Somebody wanted him dead. BOB: That's ridiculous. BRENNAN: If it turned out that Cal was able to reverse his bone loss would you put him on the next shuttle? BOOTH: You know, the one to repair the Lansing telescope again. NINA: Colonel Adams is slated for that mission. BOOTH: Colonel Reid? BOB: Well, Cal would be my first choice, yes. All due respect, James, but why send the student when the teacher can go? JAMES: I take no offense. Cal was the best. FBI TECH: Agent Booth. Dr. Brennan. (They walk over to her and another forensic tech.) FBI TECH: (cont'd) Blood. A lot of it. FBI TECH #2: It was washed down this train here. FBI TECH: High-pressure hose. BOOTH: Can you tell which plane's propellor may have done this? FBI TECH #2: Not within the parameters of the current warrant. Some of these planes have covers on the propellors, so we can't see if they're damaged. BOB: That is your plane, isn't it, James? (They all turn to a plane near the drain with a cover on the propellors.) BOOTH: Take it off. BOB: Take off the cover, James. JAMES: I respectfully decline. NINA: It's not his plane. It's the agency's. (Nina walks over and pulls the cover off. The propellor is damaged.) BOB: A propellor like that wouldn't get you very far. BOOTH: Certainly not over the water. (Booth handcuffs James.) BRENNAN: Which is why you had to dump Cal's body short of the ocean. (Booth begins to lead James out of the hangar.) BRENNAN: (cont'd) Booth! Booth! It doesn't make sense. The whole thing would take at least two people. Putting the body in the plane, cleaning up the blood, shoving the body out of the plane. BOOTH: (to James) Who are you protecting? (Cut to: Booth walking up to a house. Then Brennan and James watching from inside the back seat of a car. Back to Booth. Booth knocks. Jean Marie answers the door.) BOOTH: Mrs. Howard? Is Colleen here? (Booth walks into the house.) (Cut to: Brennan and James in the car. ) JAMES: Colleen came to see me off. Saw me talking to Cal. He was telling me that he was going to be okay in time for the mission. He was sharing good news, but it wasn't good. Not to me. (Cut to: Booth walking towards Colleen who is sitting with her back to him in the living room. Colleen turns to see Booth then stands.) JAMES (v.o.): She slapped him. That's all. Because she loves me. She knew what it meant to me not to go up. Cal took a step back. Just one. (Cut to: Brennan and James in the car.) JAMES: He fell back into the propellor. BRENNAN: Why didn't you just say it was an accident? JAMES: I don't know. We panicked. I mean, would they believe us? Would they understand? BRENNAN: Would you ever get into space? (Cut to: Booth leading Colleen through the house as Jean Marie watches in shock.) JAMES (v.o.): It happened because my friend shared good news with me and because my wife loves me. (Cut to: Brennan and James in the car.) JAMES: I'm a blessed man. (He turns to look as Booth brings Colleen out of the house. Brennan gets out of the car and watches Booth hand Colleen off the police. Colleen sees James in the back seat of the car and her face falls. James begins to cry. Colleen is handcuffed and placed in the back seat of a police car.) (Cut to: Les Deux Copains - Angela and Hodgins are seated at a table.) HODGINS: How--how are you feeling? ANGELA: What do you mean? HODGINS: It's a good meal. Nice bottle of wine. You feeling loving? ANGELA: You didn't need to do all of this to get me in a loving mood. HODGINS: I don't mean in that way. I am madly in love with you, Angela. And you--you are the most amazing woman that I have ever met. My life is so much better since we-- ANGELA: Oh my god. HODGINS: What? ANGELA: Are you breaking up with me? HODGINS: Why would I get you all dressed up for dinner just to break up? ANGELA: I don't know. Because you're...I'm not thinking straight. Go ahead. HODGINS: You know, I had this all laid out in my mind. ANGELA: Mm-hmm. HODGINS: You are an upsetting woman. ANGELA: I'm sorry. Please. Go ahead. (Hodgins pulls out a ring box and slides across the table to Angela.) HODGINS: I believe that if two people care enough for each other the rest of the world disappears to them. I feel that when I'm with you. (Angela opens the box to reveal a beautiful diamond ring.) HODGINS: (cont'd) I'm prepared to put you ahead of me for the rest of my life. Angela Montenegro, will you marry me? (Angela leans forward and kisses him.) ANGELA: Dear man. Good heart. No. HODGINS: Why? I didn't do it right again. But...how...Oh, you're not gonna tell me. ANGELA: I don't know, Hodgins. If I knew, I would tell you. But when you ask me, I have to have this...this feeling. It has to be...I'll know it when it happens, and I hope you won't stop trying. HODGINS: I don't know if I should laugh, cry, or punch out the sommelier. ANGELA: I'm sorry. I hope that you choose laugh. HODGINS: I don't understand. ANGELA: I don't either. Look, let's just finish the dessert and go back to your place and make love, and maybe it'll come to me. HODGINS: While we make love? ANGELA: I said maybe. HODGINS: But...you love me? ANGELA: More than you know. (Cut to: Jeffersonian Medico-Legal-Lab - Brennan's office. Brennan is at her desk as Booth walks in.) BOOTH: Did you eat yet? BRENNAN: I said I'd wait. How did you know that James would tell me? BOOTH: Oh, man loves his wife. He may not be strong, but he has a conscience. BRENNAN: See, I can't tell that stuff. BOOTH: And I can't tell the difference between coral and bone, so I guess we make a great pair. Hey, speaking of marriage, Hodgins is gonna propose to Angela tonight. (They walk out of Brennan's office.) BRENNAN: Huh. BOOTH: What? BRENNAN: I guess right now it looks to me like marriage is having someone who will slap your enemies and then toss their dead bodies out of airplanes. BOOTH: Try not mention that to Angela. (They walk out of the lab as the scene fades out.)

Plan: A: The team; Q: Who investigates the death of an astronaut? A: Earth; Q: What planet did the astronaut fall to? A: a high altitude; Q: What altitude did the astronaut fall from? A: his associates; Q: Who does Brennan and Booth question at the Space Agency? A: Hodgins; Q: Who theorizes about a conspiracy involving extraterrestrials? A: Angela; Q: Who does Hodgins ask to marry him? Summary: The team investigates the death of an astronaut who appears to have fallen to Earth from a high altitude. While Brennan and Booth question his associates at the Space Agency, Hodgins theorizes about a conspiracy involving extraterrestrials. Hodgins asks Angela to marry him but she refuses, asking him to keep trying.

INT. - HIGH SCHOOL GIRL'S BATHROOM - DAY [A couple of teenaged girls in private school outfits, China and Amber, stand in front of a school bathroom mirror, putting makeup on.] [title card: San Fernando Valley, Last Year] [The camera pulls back to reveal, in the mirror, a few men standing on the other side of the bathroom with movie cameras and microphones. One of them, the director, stands with them.] Director: Bring in the pussy light! [Another man walks in and sets down a lamp on a tripod. China and Amber start to unbutton their shirts and position themselves up against the sinks, for filming.] Director: You good? [Amber leans back against the sink. China faces her, against her. The guy who brought the lamp exits.] Director: And... action. [The girls start kissing.] Director: China, get started, there. [China starts to kiss down Amber's body.] Director: Amber, get into it. [Amber starts to moan.] Director: Now, in walks the Principal. [The Principal - a guy about the same age as China and Amber - walks in.] Director: You ready man, you got wood? [The Principal nods.] Director: Okay. So, at first, first you're mad. [The Principal glares at the girls. The girls stop and turn toward him.] Director: Get in there. [The Principal approaches the girls.] Director: Girls, you're embarrased, and surprised. [The girls feign surprise.] Director: Now you're hot. [The girls feign arousal.] Director: China, blow him. [China unzips the Principals' pants and starts to give him a blowjob.] Director: (to Principal) Pop on her face, give her a facial, and uh... (to China) When he's done that, China? [China stops and looks over at the director.] Director: Look up and say, "That was great." China: (nodding) "That was great." Director: "That was great." [main titles] INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY [Tina stands at the counter, idly stirring a bowl of eggs. After a moment, she turns around, sinks to the floor and begins to sob.] [Bette enters, on her way to work. She sees Tina on the floor.] Bette: Aw, Tina. (kneels) Oh. It'll take time, but we'll get through it. Allright? (pets Tina's hair) We'll get through it. C'mon. [Bette helps Tina stand.] EXT. - TIM'S HOUSE - DAY [Jenny, looking really rough, is sneaking around outside the house. She hears Tim talking to a girl - Trish, from his swim team.] Tim: (offscreen) I'm glad you came over. So... I'll call you after class? Trish: (offscreen) Okay. Have a good day. Tim: (offscreen) Bye. Trish: (offscreen) Bye, Tim. [Jenny sneaks up to a window and tries to peek in. Trish comes out to go to her car. She sees Jenny.] Jenny: Oh. Hi. Trish. Trish: Hi. [Trish heads to her car to avoid the uncomfortable moment. Jenny keeps talking to her.] Jenny: Um. I'm just on my way to the grocery store. Um. To get some bread. [Jenny starts inching away from the window, back to the garage in the backyard.] Jenny: For toast. [Trish gets into her car.] Jenny: I've, uh... (smiling) I've forgotten my wallet and my keys. So I'm just gonna go get them. Where's my head? INT. - MARINA'S HOUSE - DAY [Francesca is at a desk, on the phone.] Francesca: (phone) And when does it start prepping? (listening) Mm-hmm. Good. [Marina walks by.] Francesca: (phone) (chuckling) So when do I have to go to Virginia? [Marina stops nearby and rolls her eyes.] Francesca: (phone) It's exciting! Allright! Allright. Thanks, Val. [Francesca hangs up. Marina turns to face her.] Marina: You're going to Virginia. Francesca: As the personal (faces Marina) for Drew Barrymore. It's a huge fashion picture. And my budget's gonna be three times what it was on "Darkness." [Francesca turns back around and takes a sip of her tea.] Marina: That's wonderful. But I wish you had discussed it with me before making that decision. [Francesca turns toward Marina again.] Francesca: I don't know what there is to discuss. I got offered a job; I took it. [Francesca gets up, walks past Marina and heads to the bed nearby. She picks up a wristwatch from the bedside table and puts it on.] Marina: What about our summer holiday? I was organizing the house in Hydra. Francesca: I never signed off on Hydra. We talked about it, but I didn't say "book a house." Did you book a house? [Marina goes to get a piece of clothing out of the wardrobe nearby. Francesca frowns.] Marina: I just want to spend time with you. You've been here six weeks out of an entire year. Don't you want to spend time together? [Francesca leans over the edge of the bed toward Marina.] Francesca: Come and be with me now. [Marina closes the wardrobe hesitantly and clutches the piece of clothing in her hand.] Francesca: C'mon. [Francesca sits on the bed. Marina begins to walk toward her with her head down. She throws the clothing on the bed and sighs and sits next to her. Francesca leans over to her and puts a hand on her leg.] Francesca: Now, the fact is, I can't afford not to do this job. Do you have any idea how much you owe? [Marina runs a hand through her own hair and hangs her head.] Francesca: Hm? Marina: (frustrated) A lot. Francesca: (chuckling) Sweetheart... I want you to have your beautiful dream. [Francesca pulls Marina's hair away from her face.] Francesca: Then I have to go to work, don't I. To take care of you. [Francesca puts an arm around Marina and moves in close. Marina pulls back from the contact at first, then chuckles and shakes her head. Francesca tries to kiss her, but Marina turns her head.] [They lay down. Francesca kisses Marina's neck and face, but Marina seems uncomfortable and turns away. Francesca continues on despite Marina's obvious discomfort.] Francesca: (kissing Marina) And while I'm gone... you can resume your little thing with Jenny. I know you don't want to be here with me now. You want Jenny. INT. - LATHER - DAY [Shane is washing Dana's hair. Alice stands nearby, flipping through a magazine and talking about her new beau, Andrew. Dana curls her upper lip.] Alice: And he's rough, you know? It's like... like... he f*cks me. Y'know? It's hot. Shane: (disinterested) Yeah. That's... that's wicked hot. Alice: It is. It really is. 'Cause, 'cause there's not that, you know, bullshit of like... you know, I do you, you do me, and, you know... we check in, have we had equal time? And all that crap. Dana: You know, Al, just 'cause you're riding the big fat weenie doesn't mean there's something wrong with the way the rest of us do it, okay? Shane: Hey, look, now that you're out big-time, let's give you a mullet. Dana: What? No. Shane: Yes, c'mon, hockey hair, it'll be hot. Dana: No! Alice: I don't think she's ready to be a bulldyke, Shane. Dana: Thank you. Shane: Mmkay. Alice: The thing is, though, you guys, I... you know... I've only slept with him, what, like... five times? So, if I'm late - Dana: You're late? Alice: For my period? I'm sure you learned in 5th grade that that's part of your reproductive cycle? Shane: Whoa, whoa. So, what are you saying, then? Alice: I'm saying if I'm late, it wouldn't be Andrew's. Shane: Well, would it be Lisa's? Dana: Wow. Well, he'd be the first lesbo in history ever to pull that one off. Shane: sh1t. INT. - THE C.A.C. - FRANKLIN'S OFFICE - DAY [A video of Fae Buckley and Bette from last week's episode flashes across a TV screen. Apparently, someone was hiding and filming their confrontation to be used as ammunition against the C.A.C.] Fae: (tv) Oh, so, according to the C.A.C., the world that we live in is a godless one. Bette: (tv) And art reflects that. It mirrors the world we live in. Fae: (tv) Do you think the fact that you're homosexual makes you morally bankrupt? Bette: (tv) I am a pervert. And only a pervert could show this work. [The video has been heavily edited down to make Bette say things she didn't say at all.] [We see that Bette, her boss Franklin and an attorney, Bert, are sitting on a couch in Franklin's office, watching the video. Franklin and Bert look at Bette.] Bette: I di - I didn't know I was being taped. Anyway, that is not what I said. She twisted it. Bert: (getting up) That's what they do. And you can be sure that this tape has been sent to every conservative Congressman along with this lovely document. [Bert flips through a magazine showing some of the C.A.C.'s collections.] Bert: (looking at magainze) A lifesized painting of the president in an SS uniform. Jesus sodomizing Mary. (flips pages) And this is a doozy: (holds up magazine) This is a live performance piece? [The attorney holds up the magazine. It's a picture of a naked man hanging by his arms, flayed shot with several arrows.] Bert: Are you sure this is art? Bette: Absolutely. Franklin: We put it to a vote, Bert. It's an important exhibition and the museum stands behind it. Bert: Okay. (puts magainze down) (points at Bette) You are gonna have to learn how to deal with Fae Buckley. Franklin: She was caught off guard, Bert. Could happen to anyone. Bert: As your counsel I can tell you they will try and get at you on legal grounds. Now, the law's pretty much on your side right now, however, the political climate is not. There's two ways to go. One: They rant and rave while we look the other way. We do not engage. Bette: (frustrated) That is what we've been doing. Sitting with our hands folded in our laps while they call us pornographers and pedophiles. Bert: The other strategy is to meet them head-on. Duke it out. Bette: I want to challenge Fae Buckley to a debate. Bert: The woman's a gladiator in the public arena. She's brilliant. She pretty much always wins. Bette: Let's do it. INT. - LATHER - DAY [Dana is now sitting in Shane's hairdressing chair. Shane is combing through Dana's hair. Alice sits nearby, feeling down, preoccupying herself with a bowl of goop that Shane's using to color Dana's hair.] Alice: (worried) What am I gonna do if I'm f*cking pregnant? Dana: Get an abortion, Al. Shane: You could give the baby to Bette and Tina. [Dana and Alice scrunch their noses at Shane.] Shane: Well, we're already like a family, it'd be like the kid belongs to all of us. Alice: So, instead of "Heather Has Two Mommies," Heather has six mommies. Shane: No, Bette and Tina would be the moms, but we'd all be connected because of how it went down. [Shane stops working on Dana's hair and looks at Dana in the mirror for a moment before she starts working again.] Shane: Look, Dane, this is gonna be entirely natural, okay? Dana: Okay. As long as it's not too, like, crazy or anything. Shane: Allright. Or too cool, I hear you. (to Alice) But think about it, we'd be the kid's extended family. Dana: That's a great idea, Shane. Shane: Look, there's no bigger karmic lesson than doing something entirely selfless for another person. I'm serious. Alice: How about a little support for me? INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - BACK PORCH - DAY [An array of baby clothes and baby toys is laid out on the patio table. Tina is carefully folding up the clothes and putting them away into boxes. Kit is standing nearby.] Kit: Tina, Bette would've hired somebody to do this for you. Tina: I'm not gonna, uh... come to your, uh... show tonight. I'm sorry I can't. Kit: Hey, it's okay. Tina: I'm sure Bette will come. [Tina comes upon her pregnancy diary that she was writing in every day. She looks at it.] Kit: Tina, I wouldn't want you to do anything you're not up to doing. But... don't you think it'd be good for you to get out? [Tina throws the book in a box with the other stuff. She grabs a stuffed animal Kit had picked up from the table and sticks it in the box.] INT. - LATHER - DAY [Shane is putting the finishing touches on Dana's hair. Dana grins at herself in the mirror. Her hair is shorter, a little bit lighter, and has blonde highlights.] Dana: It's great. (to Alice) I look good, right? Alice: You look hot. [Shane straightens a couple of errant strands of hair on Dana's head.] Shane: You look excellent. Look at this. [Shane turns Dana around in the chair and gives her a mirror so she can see the back of her head.] Alice: I mean, from the neck, up. I mean, we really gotta do something about your clothes. (to Shane) Gotta take her to Fred Segal. Dana: I got these at Fred Segal. [John approaches with the phone.] John: Shane. Madame Cherie. Line 3. [Dana fluffs up her hair in the mirror.] John: (offscreen) She requires your attention, immediatement. (immediately) EXT. - LATHER - DAY [Cherie pulls up out front in a shiny little silver convertible and honks the horn. Shane comes out of the store a moment later.] Shane: Hello. [Shane hops into the car.] Shane: Ah. Hi. Cherie: (smiling) Hi. [Cherie leans over and kisses Shane's neck.] Shane: Where are you taking me? Cherie: It's a secret. Shane: Okay. Let's go! [Cherie shifts the car into gear and they take off.] INSTERSTITIAL - SCENES OF L.A. [A busy street in a retail district; huge houses on immense lawns.] EXT. - EMPTY STORE - DAY [Cherie pulls up in front of an empty store space for lease on a dilapidated old warehouse block on a busy street.] INT. - EMPTY STORE - DAY [Cherie brings Shane inside the empty store space.] Cherie: (chuckling) Well? Shane: Well... I don't know why we're here. [Cherie walks through the empty store, looking around. Shane follows.] Cherie: Steve and Harry own most of this block. They're developing it. And I've convinced Steve to invest in you. So you can open your own shop. [Shane grins and laughs as she looks around.] Shane: (laughing) No - no way! Cherie: Way! But you can't tell him that I brought you here, okay? [Shane stands in utter amazement, glancing around wide-eyed like a kid in a candy store. She laughs.] Cherie: Isn't it just oozing with potential? [Cherie walks towards the back of the large room.] Shane: It's beautiful. I mean it's un-fucking-believable... I mean I think I'd keep this like the old barbershop. No big reception desk or anything, just the cutting stations right here. Cherie: And this could be the waiting area where they've sofas and tables. I see it: mid-century moderne. [Shane walks toward her, envisioning.] Cherie: Kind of kitschy but chic. Shane: Hm. I'm thinking: pool table. [Cherie walks into a back room. Shane looks up to a loft area.] Shane: (pointing) And up here, it could be - it could be the coloring or the shampoo stations. [Shane puts her hands on her hips and smiles as she glances around.] Cherie: (offscreen) Shane? Shane: Yeah? [Shane, still looking around, heads toward the back room where Cherie went.] Cherie: (offscreen) Look at this. [Shane enters the back room and sees Cherie, stripped down to her high heels and stockings, perched on a barber's chair. Shane chuckles and takes off her jacket as she walks toward her.] Shane: Ah, f*ck. Cherie: Yes, please. [Cherie throws a leg over Shane's shoulder as Shane leans down. They kiss passionately.] EXT. - DAN FOXWORTHY'S OFFICE BUILDING - NIGHT [Cars zoom by outside.] INT. - DAN FOXWORTHY'S OFFICE - NIGHT [Tina and Bette are meeting with their support group. Tina looks very sad and her voice trembles as she speaks.] Tina: I know I was only, uh... 12 weeks. But I feel like I lost someone I was with my whole life. (a beat) (smiling) My baby boy. (a beat) Uh... just the last week we found out it was gonna be a boy. Alma: You'll try again. I know it's hard to think about it right now. But you'll try again. Matt: I know that Tina's devastated. Frankly, that's the way she should be feeling. She's grieving... what about you, Bette? Karen: I see you steady and strong. Letting Tina lean on you. Has it sunk in for you, yet? Have you cried? Bette: Believe me, it's sunk in. Dan: But, uh... Karen asked you a specific question. Have you cried? [Bette sighs and glances down at the floor. After a moment, she looks back up.] Bette: I don't need to cry. [Later...] [Group is dismissing. Bette is on the phone with James, walking out of the office. Tina lags a few feet behind her.] Bette: (phone) I wanna see some episodes of "Insight." Can you get me some tapes tomorrow morning? [Oscar catches Tina.] Oscar: Hey, Tina. Tina. [Tina stops and turns to him.] Oscar: Now is the time. You know? When something terrible happens and you feel yourself being sucked into that black pit of despair, it's time to get outside yourself and force yourself to do something for people who can't even tell you what despair is, 'cause that's all they've ever known. [Oscar takes one of his business cards from his wallet and hands it to her.] Oscar: I'll be there all day tomorrow. [Oscar walks away. Tina looks at the card. Bette approaches.] Bette: What did he want? Tina: He wants me to volunteer. Bette: Hm. Maybe you should check it out, maybe it'd be good for you. Tina: (nods) Yeah. [Bette walks ahead of Tina again. Tina follows at a distance.] Bette: Do you think you're gonna be able to make it to Kit's show? Tina: Babe, I really don't want to. I told Kit, she understands. INTERSTITIAL - SCENES OF L.A. [Busy streets at night, crowded with club-goers.] INT. - NIGHT CLUB - NIGHT [Bette is dressed up for Kit's show. She weaves through the densely-packed crowd.] Bette: Excuse me. Excuse me, can I get - [Bette turns around. It's Yolanda, from last episode's group therapy session. She and Yolanda stare at each other until they recognize each other. Yolanda looks a little embarassed and surprised. Bette chuckles.] Bette: This is so funny. I had group today. Yolanda: Oh, you missed my ass? You guys have a whole session talking about how you feel about me getting the hell out of there? Bette: Well, we had quite a few other things to talk about, but I have to admit that it's not... as intense without you. [Bette smiles. Yolanda sort of rolls her eyes, giving Bette the once-over.] Bette: What. Don't tell me this is the last place you'd expect to see me? Yolanda: I just never figured you to be a Kit Porter fan. Bette: She's my sister. [Yolanda's eyes bulge for a second until someone interrupts them. It's a woman, Candace, carrying a couple of drinks.] Candace: Excuse me. Excuse me. Yolanda: Hey, hey. (to Bette) Meet my ex. (to Candace) Bette Porter, this is, uh, Candace Jewell. [Bette and Candace shake hands.] Bette: Nice to meet you. Candace: Nice to meet you. [Candace seems to stare at Bette admiringly.] Bette: Do you wanna sit with me at my table? It's just me and a couple of my sister's friends. [Yolanda nods.] Yolanda: Hey, uh, where's, uh, Tina? By the way. Bette: She wasn't feeling well. [Bette heads off in the direction of her table. Yolanda and Candace follow.] INT. - NIGHT CLUB - SLIM DADDY'S TABLE - NIGHT [Moments later, Bette, Yolanda and Candace arrive at Slim's table, which is actually a big couch. Slim is dressed to the nines in a pin-striped suit and a fedora. He stands when the ladies approach the table.] Bette: Hey. [Bette and Slim hug.] Slim: Hey, baby sis. Bette: (to Slim) This is Yolanda and Candace. (to Yolanda/Candace) This is Slim Daddy. [Yolanda and Slim shake hands.] Yolanda: Hi, nice to meet you. [Candace and Slim shake hands just as the emcee takes the stage to announce Kit. Slim, Bette, Candace and Yolanda take a seat on the couch.] Emcee: And now... put your hands together (scratches record on turntable) together - together - together... for... Kit Porter! [The audience cheers wildly. Kit walks out on stage, smiling. She walks up to the microphone.] Kit: (microphone) Whoo! This, this is so cool. It's overwhelming. I - I think I need a drink. [Bette raises her brows.] Kit: (microphone) (to Bette) I was just kidding, baby sister! (to audience) My baby sister is here tonight, and she has helped me go down that straight and narrow. Various Audience: Yeah! Kit: (microphone) In the house tonight is Slim Dad-dy! [The audience cheers. Slim stands up.] Slim: Thank you. Thank you. I don't know what I - what I wanna say, but.. there's no one like this woman. Kit Porter is a real m*therf*ckin' diva. Ya'll go on, give it up for Kit. [Slim and the audience applaud Kit. Kit blushes. Slim sits back down, and the band begins to play. Everybody is watching Kit and the band, except for Slim, who's watching Bette and Candace.] Slim: (to Bette, re: Candace) I respect that she's your woman. Bette: She's not. You met my woman. Slim: Oh, right, right. Well, I still think the two of you would, uh... you know? Yeah. Lord have mercy on me. [Bette leans back on the couch and goes back to watching Kit's performance.] Slim: (smiling) Sing that song, Kit. [Bette's eyes drift to Candace, who is sitting on the edge of the couch, just in front of her. But Bette catches herself looking, and looks away.] [Kit sings.] Kit: (singing) Hold on... to our love. We can... rise above all the things that people seem to think they want. They're just words we shouldn't listen anymore. [Bette smiles as she watches Kit. Slim glances over at Bette, checking her out.] Kit: (singing) Here in the dark, nothing else matters at all... here in the dark... all I want to do is think of you and I... I know that I will never say... goodbye. [Later...] [Candace and Bette sit at the bar next to each other. Yolanda stands next to Candace, quietly sipping her drink.] Candace: I pass by the California Arts Center every morning. I'm doing a job, right near there. Bette: What kind of job? Candace: My partner and I are doing the finish carpentry on a loft in Venice we've been remodeling. Bette: (smiling) You're a carpenter? [Candace smiles. Kit approaches with Slim Daddy and Smoothie Guy from last ep.] Kit: Heyyyy. Slim: You sure you don't wanna run out with us tonight, baby sis? We got everything for everyone who needs anything. Bette: (chuckling) Yeah, I'm sure. I've gotta get home. Slim: Well, I guess I'll dream about the (pointing to Candace and Bette) two of you. [Kit rolls her eyes.] Slim: 'Cause I got that basic instinct about you. Kit: Don't you get my sister into any trouble. [Bette glances over at Candace for just a moment and looks away just before Candace glances at her.] Bette: (to Kit) I can handle it. [Bette gets up and hugs Kit.] Kit: Oh, thank you. Goodnight. Bette: I'm so proud of you. [Kit leaves. Bette walks over to Yolanda and Candace.] Bette: (to Yolanda) I should... really get home. It was nice running into you. Yolanda: Yeah. [Bette and Yolanda shake hands.] Bette: (to Candace) Nice to meet you. [Bette and Candace shake hands.] Bette: You should come by and check out the museum one day on your lunch break. Candace: (nodding) Yeah... Bette: (smiling) 'K. [Bette smiles at them then leaves.] EXT. - THE PLANET - DAY [A few people sit outside, enjoying the sun.] INT. - THE PLANET - DAY [Francesca, Shane and Alice sit at a table. They're all watching Marina, who's up at the counter trying to help the workers serve the customers.] Francesca: This is ridiculous. Shane: No, I'll get it. Francesca: The food staffers are so slow. They're useless. [Marina quickly brings a tray over and gives the group the drinks they ordered.] Francesca: You shouldn't be doing that. Shane: (to Marina) Thank you. Francesca: It's their job. Marina: Well, they're busy and I'm helping them. Francesca: You're coddling them. [Marina sets a basket of breads down.] Francesca: (calling out) We didn't order - did one of you order that? Marina: It's a gift from me. I want to be in Paris this morning. Francesca: And I wanna be in profits some day. (to Shane/Alice) It's my treat. Enjoy. (to Marina) Put it on the books. [Dana walks in with her new hair and new clothes.] Alice: Kate Moss, eat your heart out! [Dana rolls her eyes, grinning.] Alice: Look at you! Shane: (whistles) Yeah! Alice: If I didn't know it was you, I'd have thought someone hot just walked in! Dana: (smiling) (sitting down) Shut up! I feel stupid! Shane: You look so sexy, Dana. Dana: (grinning) Really, you like the 'do? Alice: You look great! [Alice is about to sip on her coffee. Shane looks at her.] Shane: What're you doing? Alice: Me? Shane: Yep. Alice: I'm drinking coffee. Dana: Oh, you can't do that. Bette and Tina would kill you. Right Shane? Francesca: Bette and Tina would kill her because she's... [Alice waves her hand, trying to dismiss Dana's comment.] Dana: (to Alice) Uh... oh, f*ck. I'm sorry. (to Francesca) Alice might be pregnant. Alice: "Might" being the word I'm clinging on to. Shane: And we just thought... we thought it was karmically destined because Bette and Tina wanted a baby so badly. Francesca: (to Alice) You mean, you would have a baby - Dana: And Bette and Tina would adopt it. Right, Shane? Shane: Well, yeah, but... [Francesca furrows up her brow at Alice.] Shane: Ey, ey. Look, you can't say anything because they don't know and... Alice: Yeah. And you might be misreading the karma or something. Dana: Oh, the karma. Alice: Yeah. Dana: Right. Francesca: (to Alice) Do you know what an extraordinary gift that would be? Alice: Yeah. They're making super-sure I know that. Francesca: Not just to Bette and Tina, but to all of us. [Marina comes back to the table with her own cup of coffee and sits, smiling at Francesca as she speaks.] Francesca: The whole DNA model of family is being reinvented. We're making a new world that reflects the way we love and make relationships and - Marina: I'd like to see that reflected somewhere. [Francesca gives Marina a blank look.] Francesca: What? [Marina looks down. Francesca seems to be irritated. Shane suddenly looks at her cell phone. Time to go. She pulls out a few dollars from her pocket.] Shane: Um... I'm gonna take care of this today. Francesca: Oh, it's mine! Shane: Hey, no, no, no. I have a tab to pay, I'm paying it. (to group) Um... I'm gonna go check out this raw space with Steve Jaffe. He's... Francesca: Yeah? Shane: Yeah, he's talking about opening up my own salon. Francesca: No way! Dana: You gonna call it "Shane," Shane? Shane: (chuckling) Yeah, I'm gonna go. You look great. Francesca: Bye. Shane: Hey. Thank you. Take care. Alice: See ya. Shane: Bye. [Shane leaves. Francesca looks over at the counter, then at Marina.] Francesca: Hey, there's a line at the counter. [Marina looks as if she wants to say something, but instead she looks down.] Francesca: Marina? There's a line. [Marina looks away from Francesca. Alice and Dana look uncomfortable.] Francesca: There seems to be a communication breakdown. [Alice looks up. Shane is almost out the door.] Alice: Shane? Shane: (stops) Yah? Alice: Hold up. (to group) Uh... I'll see you guys later. I gotta go. [Alice grabs her keys and cell phone.] Alice: (to Francesca) And thank you for all the croissants and coffee and I couldn't drink. [Francesca smiles at Alice as she gets up, then she looks at Dana.] Francesca: Aren't you late for something? [Alice pats Dana on the head as she passes by.] Dana: (to Francesca) Yes. (to Alice/Shane) Uh, wait for me! (to Francesca) Thank you. Thank you. [Dana gets up and heads for the door.] Marina: (smiling) Bye. You look great. Dana: (smiling) Thanks. Marina: You look really good. [Once Dana's gone, Francesca narrows her eyes on Marina.] Francesca: Is there something you want to say? Marina: No. [Marina keeps her eyes down.] Francesca: You pick a fight with me in front of these people? And then you make like you're... you're hurt? You're victimized? Do you want someone to come to your rescue? Marina: (looks up) Maybe. Francesca: Who, Marina? [Marina looks down again.] Francesca: I already rescued you. Remember? EXT. - THE JAFFE HOUSE - DAY [Shane stands at the front door. Steve Jaffe comes out.] Steve: Hey. Shane: Hey. Steve: C'mon, we'll take the Jag. [They head to his Jaguar.] Steve: Hope you don't mind, we're gonna drop my daughter on 3rd Street. So she can kill a couple hundred of my hard-earned bucks on an outfit that looks like it came from the Salvation Army reject bin. Shane: (chuckling) Oh. [Steve and Shane get in the Jaguar.] Shane: That's fine. Steve: I was hoping you might hang out with Clea for a while. Just something. Shane: Well... Steve: Well, you know what, Shane... [Clea, Steve's daughter, comes out of the house and shuffles toward the Jaguar.] Steve: She quit college after six months. She's flailing. I thought maybe you could spend a little time with her today. She might open up to you. Just an instinct I have. Shane: I don't know, Steve, it's - Steve: I would consider it a favor. [Steve starts the car. Shane can't refuse his request.] Shane: Oh - yeah, absolutely. INT. - HEADQUARTERS FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE - FRONT OFFICE - DAY [The Headquarters for Social Justice is a busy office filled with lots of people.] [Oscar, Tina's friend from group, is on the phone, typing something at a computer.] Oscar: (phone) Yes, no, I've checked that. I'm checking it twice, right now, actually. [Tina walks in the front door. She waits.] Oscar: (phone) You told him that we're a non-profit organization? That it's a tax write-off? [Someone hands Oscar some papers.] Oscar: (phone) Well, then you should let him know that we... [Oscar sees Tina. He waves her over.] Oscar: (phone) We're waiting for him. [Tina smiles and approaches. Oscar holds up his finger to tell her he'll be just a minute.] [SCENE_BREAK] INT. - HEADQUARTERS FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE - REAR OFFICE - DAY [Oscar is showing Tina around. People are sitting at desks, phones are ringing but it's still a very grassroots atmosphere.] Oscar: We got a grant to hire a law firm. So now, more than 50,000 L.A. garment industry workers have health benefits for the first time, ever. That was our biggest project. Mostly, we - we deal with very human-scale stuff. Y'know. [Oscar sets some papers down on a desk.] Oscar: I forgot to tell you. Um... we also have a Gay and Lesbian Alliance. I don't know if that's something you'd be interested in. Tina: Um, I think I'd like to do something, um... uh, with kids. Uh, underprivileged or abused children. Oscar: Okay. [Oscar catches the attention of a guy named Esai, who's sitting at a desk a couple of feet away.] Oscar: Oye. (Hey.) Esai. [Esai turns around. He and Oscar shake hands.] Oscar: Como esta? (What's up?) Esai: Como esta? Bien. (What's up? Good.) Yeah. Oscar: (to Tina) Esai, here, is working with these guys to bring down Clay Patterson. He's the televangelist whose refinery is giving Cancer to hundreds of kids in the south L.A. 'hood. Esai: He's a b*st*rd. He gets around every court injunction. Oscar: Some Christian, huh? Tina: Have you ever come across a woman named Fae Buckley? EXT. - THE C.A.C. - DAY Franklin: (offscreen) Ben Coughlin just resigned from our board. Bette: (offscreen) You're kidding. Franklin: (offscreen) Mm-mm. INT. - THE C.A.C. - BOARD ROOM - DAY [Franklin, in a t-shirt, takes a seat at the head of the table. Bert sits next to him. Bette and James sit further down the table on opposite sides, facing each other.] Franklin: Yesterday in the mail, he got 62 individual letters with his company credit card chopped in pieces from people who don't want to buy office supplies from a blaspheming pornographer. [Bette stares at the desk. She looks worried.] Bette: (to James) Shall we get back to work? James: Organs of dead animals decomposing? A man strangling himself while m*st*rb*t*ng? You call that art, Miss Porter? Bette: Those are inflammatory descriptions, Miss Buckley, of but a few works of art in a much larger exhibition. James: But she didn't answer the question: What makes that art? [Bette's phone buzzes. She quickly grabs it.] Bette: Excuse me. I'm sorry, I have to take it. It's Tina, she's... been having a rough time. (answers phone) Baby, are you allright? INT. - HEADQUARTERS FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE - DAY Tina: (phone) I'm with Oscar. Oscar Alvarez. INT. - C.A.C. - BOARD ROOM - DAY Bette: (phone) Look, I'm right in the middle of - Tina: (phone) You're not gonna believe... [Bette looks impatient.] INT. - HEADQUARTERS FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE - BACK OFFICE - DAY Tina: (phone) ... what he does here. You have to come by. INTERSTITIAL - SCENES OF L.A. [Busy commercial districts, residential streets, weathered murals painted on concrete walls.] INT. - HEADQUARTERS FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE - FRONT OFFICE - DAY [Bette enters and raises her brows at Tina, wondering why she's been called there. Tina sprints over to her.] Tina: Hey. You're not gonna believe what we found on Fae Buckley. Bette: Is that what you've been doing, Fae Buckley research? [Tina starts to head toward the back. Bette walks with her.] Tina: Yeah. [Bette looks miffed.] Tina: Did you know she was one of the main people responsible for getting that teacher fired at the University of Missouri? Bette: Yeah, they trumped up child p0rn charges based on a picture of a 3-year-old playing naked on a beach. I've been doing this all day, Tina. [Tina sighs.] Bette: I mean, I've got a highly-paid P.R. firm working with me. My people aren't slouches. [Oscar approaches.] Tina: Look, this is what Oscar does. [Bette sighs.] Tina: Okay? Just listen. [Tina walks off. Oscar approaches Bette.] Oscar: Is there a problem? Bette: I thought this was supposed to be about Tina finding something of her own? Oscar: I thought this was supposed to be about helping Tina get out of a bad depression. [Esai approaches. He brings Oscar a video tape.] Esai: Gotta look at this. [Esai walks off. Oscar looks at the video tape box, then holds it up for Bette to see.] Oscar: I think you and your people might find this pretty interesting. EXT. - THE JAFFE HOUSE - DAY [Shane pulls up and parks her truck in the circular drive.] Steve: Hey. Clea will be right out. Now, I want you to know, I will not forget this. Now, Cherie is planning this big mother-daughter trip to Paris. And you should hear her making all these arrangements. Sounds Like she's planning the Camp David Summit. [Clea comes out and heads toward Shane's truck.] Steve: Now Clea doesn't want to go. See if you can't change her mind. [Steve steps around to the other side of the truck and helps Clea in. Clea gets in and looks at Shane.] Steve: Have a good time, sweetheart. [Clea looks completely disinterested and unhappy. Shane sighs and starts the truck.] Shane: Look - (sighs) I know this is lame. But your father asked me to do this, okay? EXT. - MINI GOLF RANGE - DAY [Clea and Shane are playing mini-golf. A couple of families of parents and kids are playing nearby.] [It's Clea's shot. Shane stands a couple of feet behind her, watching. Clea putts the ball but it misses the cup.] Clea: Crap. Shane: Allright. Clea: Allright. Shane: Allright, allright, allright. This should be pretty easy. [Shane and Clea walk ahead a few feet, to Shane's ball. Shane takes putting stance.] Clea: Mm-hmm. [Shane putts the ball. It misses the cup.] Shane: Oh, sh1t! f*ck me! [One of the families playing golf nearby looks up at her.] Shane: (to family) Sorry. Clea: (laughing) Nice work. Shane: Can I go one more? Clea: Yeah. [Shane lines up another shot.] Clea: Man, I haven't played this game since I was, like... seven years old. Shane: No? Clea: No. [Shane putts. The ball goes in.] Shane: I never did this as a kid. Clea: What, your parents never took you? Shane: No, they weren't around. I met my mom once. Clea: Wow, you didn't live with her? Shane: No. Clea: Wow. Shane: Can I, uh, can I... can I show you something? Do you mind? Clea: Sure. Shane: May I show you something? Clea: Sure. [Shane steps up behind Clea, putting her body against her.] Shane: Um... before you hit the ball? Clea: Yeah. Shane: If you try bouncing a few times? Clea: Bounce? Shane: Yeah. Well... Clea: Okay. Shane: You want to try it? Clea: Sure. Shane: Okay. Ready? Clea: Yeah. [Shane puts her hands on Clea's hips and counts off, bouncing lightly with her.] Shane: One, two, three... [Clea putts the ball. It misses the cup.] Clea: Oh well. Just about. Shane: Nice - nice, though. Clea: Yeah, It was a great technique, though. It was almost there. Shane: (smiling) Smartass. Clea: Yeah, well... Shane: (smiling) Shut up. [They laugh.] INT. - HEADQUARTERS FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE - PRIVATE OFFICE - DAY [Tina, Bette and Oscar are gathered around a TV set. On the TV plays the video that Esai gave Oscar earlier. The scene begins to become familiar: it's the movie that was being filmed in the opening of this episode.] Bette: (looking at video box) "Here Cums the Principal"? C-U-M-S. What is this? Oscar: Okay hang on, hang on a minute. [Oscar fast forwards through a lot of the bathroom s*x scenes. Bette looks away from the screen.] Bette: J - Just, Jesus, just turn it off. I mean, really, what are you going to tell me? That Fae Buckley produces porno videos? Oscar: No, no, no. (pauses video) There, see that girl right there? [The camera focuses on the TV screen. The image is of one of the girls in the video, looking directly at the camera.] Oscar: She's 17. She ran away from home when she was 14. Apparently her father was abusing the hell out of her, and her mother couldn't or wouldn't stop him. Child services report we pulled has all the gory details. But her p0rn star name is China. Her given name is Cora Buckley. [Bette looks up at Oscar.] EXT. - GOLF RANGE - DAY [Clea and Shane are laying next to each other against a tree, talking.] Clea: I know that they know I'm gay, I just really don't want to talk about it with them. Oh, they're such pervs. Shane: Well, why are they pervs? Clea: Well, they have this cabinet that they normally keep locked in the media room. Anyway, one night they got drunk, and left some stuff out, and Consuela was cleaning the next day and just happened to push play on the VCR, and up pops my mom... buck naked, okay, riding my dad... whipping him with a switch. (chuckles) It was pretty gross. [Shane chuckles at Clea, then turns a little and faces her.] Shane: You know, but you gotta... you gotta give it to your folks, I mean... they want to keep their life interesting. And they... they still want to get it on. Clea: God. You know. [Clea moves closer to Shane, facing her, until their faces are just inches apart.] Clea: (smiling) I've never met anyone like you before. Shane: Well that's - that's not necessarily a very good thing. Clea: Tell me more about your parents. Like, how come you didn't live with them? [Clea slowly leans forward to kiss Shane. Shane backs away.] Shane: No - No. No I... [Shane sits up.] Shane: No I can't do that. It's not right. Clea: Why? Shane: Because it's not what your dad had in mind when he asked me to hang out with you Clea: God, I don't care! [Shane suddenly seems very nervous.] Shane: I'm - I'm involved with a few things that I... I just, I don't wanna... Clea: Oh, like drugs? What? [Clea rubs Shane's shoulder.] Shane: (quietly) Yeah, that's part of it. [Clea rests her head on Shane's shoulder.] INT. - HEADQUARTERS FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE - PRIVATE OFFICE - DAY Bette: What if it's not true? Oscar: We got ahold of the police records. And the missing persons report. We have evidence of Fae paying off a district court judge to expunge the record. Bette: Then why has it never come out? Oscar: Because our people don't know how to play this game. We're progressives and we're accused of being morally bankrupt. They have so many f*cking skeletons in their closets and we don't touch them. We take the high road, we wind up in the ditch. We leave our dirty laundry hanging out all over the place cause we're not so ashamed of it; they grab it and wave it around. They make us look like perverts! We have to get into their closets. We cannot afford to keep on being so high-minded. Because we're getting killed. EXT. - THE PALMS - NIGHT [The neon-lit sign for the club reads: "The Palms West Hollywood"] INT. - THE PALMS - NIGHT [The oldest lesbian bar in L.A. Several couples, mainly butch and femme, dance slowly to the music. A few women play pool in the back.] [Dana is having a beer at a table by herself when Jenny approaches.] Jenny: Hey. Dana: (waving) Hi. Jenny: Dana, right? (pointing to herself) Jenny. Are you alone? Dana: Yeah. Jenny: Can I sit with you? Dana: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. Here, sit. [Jenny sits in the chair opposite Dana.] Jenny: I've never done this before. Dana: You've never been to a bar before? Jenny: No, a women's bar, by myself. Dana: Oh. Me neither. Jenny: Oh, yeah? Dana: Yeah. Well, Alice was supposed to come with me, but her boyfriend called, so... Jenny: Alice is bisexual? Dana: Yeah. [Jenny giggles, then looks around at the bar.] Jenny: This is like something out of the 1950s. It's so butch and femme. Dana: Mm-hmm, yeah. Well, it's the oldest lesbian bar in LA. Actually, it probably hasn't changed since the 1950s. [Dana pauses. Jenny just stares at her.] Dana: But really, it's no different than any other club, you know, I mean... you have a few drinks... and you talk to a few people you have nothing in common with, and... realize how unlikely it is you'll ever meet anyone who's right for you again. [Dana takes a swig of her beer.] Jenny: So you have met someone that's right for you? Dana: We broke up. EXT. - THE GARAGE - NIGHT [Jenny and Dana enter Jenny's studio behind Tim's house. The place is totally junked out. There is clothes and trash everywhere.] Jenny: It's messy. I know that. Dana: Oh, no, no, it's no problem. Jenny: Yeah. [Jenny sets her purse and keys down.] Dana: It's fine. Jenny: It's small. There aren't, uh... too many places to sit. [Jenny heads over to the bed, because it's the only seating available. Dana follows. They sit next to each other. Jenny flips on a small bedside lamp. Dana accidentally sits on Jenny's hand.] Dana: Oh, sorry. [Dana takes off her jacket.] Jenny: So... you're a tennis player? Dana: Mm-hmm. Jenny: What's that like? Dana: (a beat) I tr - I train a lot. Jenny: Wow. That's really interesting. Dana: I go on tour. Jenny: Oh, wow. Dana: Yeah. Jenny: Yeah. [A few moments of awkward silence.] Jenny: I don't have anything to drink. Do you want juice? Dana: Sure. Jenny: Okay. [Jenny gets up and goes to the mini-fridge to get some juice. Dana straightens out her shirt.] Dana: So, this is where you write? [Jenny prepares the juice. Dana leans back, trying to get comfortable.] Jenny: Yeah, yeah. I, uh... (clears throat) I pretty much, uh... do everything here. As you can see. It used to be my, uh... writing studio... [Dana can't get comfortable. She leans back in a different way.] Jenny: Um... but, you know, that thing with Tim and I... Dana: Oh, oh, right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm. Jenny: So, he's letting me stay here so far. [Jenny brings over two glasses of juice with straws and hands one to Dana.] Jenny: And I pay him rent. Which is kind of weird. Y'know. Hm. [Dana and Jenny noisily sip their juice through their straws and stare at each other. Dana finishes hers and holds the cup with both hands, staring at Jenny. Jenny noisily finishes her drink, sets her cup down then immediately whips off her shirt in one fluid movement nearly invisible to the naked eye.] [Dana looks a little confounded, and isn't sure where to put her cup, so she sets it on the bed behind them.] [Dana turns to Jenny and clears her throat. She leans in and they start to kiss. Jenny leans back, knocking Dana's cup over.] Jenny: Oh, gosh. Dana: Oh, shh... I'm so sorry. Jenny: Oh, no. no. Dana: Oh, God. Just give them to me. I'll get them dry-cleaned. Jenny: Oh, gosh. No.

Plan: A: Tina's grief; Q: What is eased by an unexpected opportunity? A: her sudden miscarriage; Q: What is Tina's grief from? A: an unexpected opportunity; Q: What arrives to ease Tina's grief? A: a social insurance office; Q: Where does Tina volunteer? A: Fae Buckley; Q: Who is the fanatical leader of a religious group? A: guest star Helen Shaver; Q: Who played Fae Buckley? A: Bette's art gallery; Q: What is Fae Buckley trying to shut down? A: Shane; Q: Who does Cherie's husband want to help open a hair salon? A: time; Q: What does Steve ask Shane to spend with his daughter? A: Clea; Q: Who makes a pass at Shane? A: Francesca; Q: Who wants to leave town again? A: an argument; Q: What do Marina and Francesca have? A: Italy; Q: Where does Francesca want to go? A: Jenny; Q: Who tries to help Tim? A: Trish; Q: Who does Tim start dating? A: Dana; Q: Who gets a new hairstyle and attempts to have a fling with Jenny? A: Alice; Q: Who is worried she might be pregnant? A: a club party; Q: What is the occasion for Kit's return to the stage? A: Slim Daddy; Q: Who does Kit perform with? Summary: Tina's grief from her sudden miscarriage is eased when an unexpected opportunity arrives; a member of her and Bette's therapy group asks her to volunteer at a social insurance office. There, she and her colleagues find some dirt on Fae Buckley (guest star Helen Shaver ), the fanatical leader of a religious group that's hell-bent on shutting down Bette's art gallery. Meanwhile, Shane's relationship with Cherie becomes complicated when Cherie's unsuspecting husband, Steve, wants to help Shane open up her own hair salon and asks her to spend time with his emotionally distant daughter, Clea, who also makes a pass at Shane. Marina and Francesca have an argument over Francesca wanting to leave town again for a job back in Italy. Jenny tries to help the distraught Tim, who begins to date Trish, one of his swim team students. Dana gets a new hairstyle and attempts to have a fling with Jenny. Alice worries that she might be pregnant after her trysts with Lisa and Andrew. Also, Kit makes her return to the stage during a club party with Slim Daddy.

ACT ONE Scene One - Int. Cafe Nervosa Frasier is in a long line behind Bulldog to get coffee. Bulldog is reading the paper. Frasier: What's going on, anyway? [glances at watch] My God, I've got an appointment in twenty minutes. Bulldog: Ah, some weenie made a big stink so they've gotta clean the milk steamer every time they use it. Frasier: Oh. Bulldog: [turning back] Is was you, wasn't it? Frasier: [haughtily] Well, if requesting basic sanitary procedures makes me a weenie, then a weenie be I. Roz enters with a dress bag in her arms. Roz: Hi, guys. Frasier/Bulldog: Hey, Roz. Roz: [glances at line] Oh, God, Frasier, what stupid suggestion did you make this time? Frasier: Nice to see you, too, Roz. Roz: Sorry. I just spent two hours trying on jumbo formal wear for the SeaBea awards. Roz holds up a garish, sequin-covered silver dress with a monstrous silver bow on the back. Roz: [smirk] The best part was when the size two sales girl said I could use this again after my pregnancy. Frasier: Well, perhaps you could... [gestures] cut off the bow, remove the sleeves, and, uh... Bulldog: Stick a pole in it and go camping. Roz: You know, if I'm gonna stick a pole some place.... Frasier: Children! Bulldog: [reaching the counter] Coffee to go. Black. Frasier: I, for one, am looking forward to the SeaBeas. Bulldog: Why? You're not gonna win. They never give it to the emcee! Now me? I'm a lock. Frasier: Well, you're awfully cocky. Bulldog: Hey, if knowing I'm the best thing on the air makes me cocky, then cocky be I. Frasier: Ah. While they are talking, a man walks in front of them to the left. He's wearing a dark baseball cap. Bulldog: [ignoring him] See? You're not the only one who can talk classy. Roz: [confused] How is that talking like Lassie? Frasier: Let's just move on, shall we? Roz walks toward the side of the counter. Frasier looks at the man who's just passed and then nudges Roz. Frasier: [whispering] Roz! That man, he's got a gun! Indeed, the man has a gun in the front of his pants, and he seems to be trying to discreetly remove it. Roz looks and gasps. Bulldog: [overhearing] He's got a gun! Coffee goes flying. Bulldog grabs Roz and pulls her away from the gunman, falling on the floor. The gunman makes a run for it and makes it out of the cafe. Frasier: Roz, are you all right? Roz: Yeah, uh.... Bulldog stands up, dusting himself off. He sees the gun on the ground and picks it up. Roz: Bulldog, I can't believe you did that! [hugs him] You saved me! Bulldog: [confused] Uh, I just did what anyone would've done. Two women approach. Customer 1: You were so brave! [kisses him on cheek] Customer 2: [hugs him] You're a hero! A large man approaches and tries to hug Bulldog. Bulldog: Hey, close enough. They shake hands. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Int. elevator at Elliot Bay Towers The elevator doors are closing. Niles: [o.s.] Excuse me, would you hold that, please? The doors open to reveal Frasier. Niles steps on elevator, wearing a grey billed cap that looks ridiculous on him. Frasier: Niles! Niles: Frasier, I was just on my way up to see you! Frasier looks at Niles' hat. Frasier: Niles, what have we determined about your success with... impulse purchases? Niles: Really? The salesman thought I could pull it off. Frasier: My suggestion exactly. Niles removes the cap. Niles: Fine. Fine. [excitedly] Frasier, ask me if I have news. Frasier: Actually, I've got some news of my own. In the cafe today - [glances at Niles, who is glaring at him] Oh, for God's sake. Niles, do you have news? Niles: Indeed I do. First of all, congratulations on your SeaBea nomination. Frasier: Thank you. Niles: Now, congratulate me on mine! Frasier: What are you talking about? Niles: [pulls out papers] Well, if you'd bothered to look past your own name on the first page, you'd have found mine right after it on page... [flips through pages] fifteen. Frasier: [reads] "Best Performance By a Guest on an Information Show." Niles: Yes, it's for that spot I did on KJSB when I discussed the psychological effects of long-term inclement weather. Frasier: [turning away, amused] Ah, yes, yes, yes.... Thirty minutes of psychobabble all reducible to one phrase: "Rain, rain, go away." The elevator doors open. Niles follows Frasier to the door. Frasier looks for his key. Niles: I'm hardly surprised you feel the need to belittle my nomination. In your mind, you're the success, the famous one. I'm just invisible. That's not the way the rest of the world sees me. Frasier opens the door. Daphne and Martin rush up to him, ignoring Niles. Martin: [hugging Frasier] Oh, Frasier, boy, am I glad to see you! Frasier: Oh, thanks, guys, thank you. Daphne: [also hugging him] Doctor Crane, thank goodness you're home! Niles: [large, forced grin] I'm also here! Daphne: We heard what happened at the café. Frasier: Yes, Niles, as I have tried to tell you, there was an attempted armed robbery today at the café. Niles: Good heavens! Was anyone hurt? Frasier: No, no, no, thank goodness. It all diffused rather quickly. Tempest in a tea pot, really. [rubs Daphne's shoulders as he walks back to hang up his coat] Thank you. Niles: [walking to coat rack and removing trench coat] Well, that's a relief! On a more pleasant topic, this afternoon, I found out- Frasier: Oh, Niles, hold on a second. [points at Martin and Daphne] How did you two hear about it? Daphne: On the news! Martin: Boy, Bulldog really saved the day! Frasier: [hanging coat, shocked] They said that on the news? Martin: Oh, yeah, how he swept Roz out of the way and then threw his hot coffee on the gunman! Frasier walks over to stand behind Martin's chair. The others follow. Frasier: That's not how it happened at all! Why would he say such a thing? Niles: Well, it was drizzling today, and people act strangely when it rains, as I pointed out in my SeaBea-nominated- Frasier: Shut up, Niles. Martin: Well, then what did happen? FLASHBACK TO: the scene in the café. It plays out step by step as Frasier explains it. Frasier: [v.o.] Well, we were all standing at the counter, when I noticed a man with a gun. I warned Roz. Bulldog saw a different man reaching for his wallet, and thought he was the gunman. That's when he grabbed Roz and held her in front of him as a human shield! But as he did that, he accidentally knocked his coffee onto the actual gunman, burning his hand, causing him to drop his weapon and run out! DISSOLVE BACK TO: int Elliot Bay Towers. Daphne: And no one else saw that happen? Frasier: Well, apparently not. Daphne goes to sit on the couch. Martin: Wow, I can't believe Bulldog'd use Roz like that! Niles: Why didn't you say anything? Frasier: Well, I was just so relieved everyone was all right at first! I suppose it did irk me when everyone was praising him, and the owner of the cafe promised him a lifetime supply of muffins! [pause] Well, I never thought it'd go this far. I never thought I'd hear it on the news! [walks over to pour himself a sherry] Daphne: I wonder how much that would be, a lifetime supply of muffins? Frasier: I'm certainly not going to let Bulldog get away with this! Daphne: [folding underwear] I don't think I've ever seen Bulldog eat a muffin. A lifetime supply would be wasted on him! Frasier: I'm going to tell him I saw exactly what happened! Daphne: Now me, I could eat a muffin a day, some days even two knowing they'd be free. So that'd be... [thinking hard] ten a week, fifty-two weeks a year, for at least another... forty years, which works out to.... [looks aghast at the Cranes] Twenty thousand muffins! My life suddenly seems long, measured in muffins. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - int Frasier's booth at the station. Frasier is concluding his show. Frasier: Well, that's all the time we have for today. Good afternoon, Seattle, and good mental health. [off-air] Roz, did you see Bulldog come in? Roz enters, carrying a basket of cookies. She sets them down by Frasier. Roz: No, I haven't. I've been looking for him myself. Frasier reaches for a cookie, and Roz slaps his hand. Roz: Stop that, they're for him! Frasier: [frustrated] Do you really think he had anything to do with... Bulldog walks by outside the booth, followed by a large group of people. Roz: There he is! Bulldog: [from outside; whistles] Hey, hey, hey! Nothing new here. [entering book, pushing his cart] I take my pants off one leg at a time, just like everybody else. You can vouch for that, can't you, Myrna? Roz: Hey, Bulldog, I made these cookies for you. Bulldog: [slaps stomach] Wow, I already had a bunch of muffins, but... there's always room for a cookie. [takes bite] Um, where's the milk? Roz: [running out] Ooh, coming right up! Frasier: Hello, Bulldog. Bulldog: Hey, doc! This hero stuff is the best! Hey, last night, sisters. At one point, I was a hero sandwich! [snickers] Frasier: Just drop it. I saw what you did yesterday. [standing] Bulldog: [sniggering] Yeah, I saved your butt. Frasier: [angrily] Saved my butt, my ass! You pulled Roz in front of you to protect yourself! Everything else that happened was simply by accident. Bulldog: [yelling, pointing] THAT STINKS! THAT'S TOTAL BS! I'm a hero! I'm a brave, brave man! [lowers voice] Aw, Jeez, you're not gonna tell, are you? Frasier: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't. Bulldog: You like muffins? Frasier: You know what, I was determined to expose you, but it suddenly occurs to me I don't have to. You'll do it yourself. And you know why? Because a guilty conscience needs no accuser. [turns away] Bulldog: [hopefully] That means you won't tell? Frasier: [turns back, shaking finger] Once again, I don't have to, because a guilty conscience sleeps in thunder! Bulldog looks confused as he chews his cookie. Frasier: It means I won't tell. Producer: [v.o.] Twenty seconds, Bulldog. Frasier walks toward door. Frasier: You know, actually I'll be fascinated as a psychiatrist to watch this little experiment. I know that deep down you feel bad about what you've done. And you'll feel worse every time you capitalize on it. How long before your conscience finally overwhelms you? Producer: You're on. Bulldog: [on air] Hey, sports fans! This is Bob Bulldog Briscoe, and you're in the doghouse! [honks horn, barks] Let's go to the phones! Roz: [on air, from inside producer's booth] Hey, everybody, this is Roz Doyle, and I have some very exciting news! Each year, at the SeaBea Awards, one radio personality receives the Harold Hirschauer Man of the Year Award... Bulldog looks distinctly nervous. Frasier watches him with an "I knew it" expression on his face. Roz: ...and this year, our winner is our very own Bulldog Briscoe, who was chosen for his heroism! Congratulations, Bulldog! Frasier: Well, what do you say to that, hero? Bulldog: [into mike] Well, this is incredible. I.. I uh really feel honored.... Roz brings in a jug of milk. Bulldog looks at it guiltily. Bulldog: But I gotta clear something up. Frasier smiles. Bulldog: Yesterday, at the cafe, this young lady kept coming up to me saying, "You're my hero. How can I ever thank you?" Well, I've got a confession to make. [glances at Frasier] [grins] I lost your number, but if you call in, baby, I've got an answer for you! Frasier walks out, indignant. [SCENE_BREAK] END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO Scene One - Int. Frasier's Living Room at the Elliot Bay Towers. Niles sits on Frasier's couch while Daphne stands behind Martin's chair. Niles: Okay, I'm ready. Go ahead, Daphne. Daphne takes a deep breath and pretends to be opening an envelope. Daphne: And the SeaBea goes to... [Niles looks anxious] Doctor Niles Crane! Niles plasters a goofy, shocked expression on his face and stand up. Niles: Oh! Oh! He walks over to Daphne, who is standing with a garish statuette of Frasier's. Daphne: Congratulations! [hands him statue] Niles: Thank you! You know, to be accurate, it's traditional for the presenter to kiss and embrace the winner. Daphne: [confused] But won't your brother be the presenter? Niles: Well, we can't know that for certain. Daphne: [nods] Oh. All right, then. [kisses and hugs him] Frasier enters from outside hall. Daphne: [pulling away from Niles] Hello, Doctor Crane! We're just practicing for Saturday night. Best-case scenario. Frasier: Obviously. Martin enters from kitchen. Martin: Hey, Daph, your pie's done. Daphne: Oh, thanks. [to Frasier] Will you be joining us for coffee and dessert? Frasier: Oh, no thank you, Daphne. I'm not very hungry. Daphne exits to kitchen. Niles: Where've you been? Frasier: Oh, I've been driving around, thinking. I can't seem to get this Bulldog thing off my mind. Martin: [sitting, pouring coffee] Well, don't worry about it. We all get obsessed sometimes. The important thing is to drop it before you start yakking on and on to someone who doesn't give a rat's ass. Frasier: [glaring] Is that your roundabout way of saying you don't want to discuss it? Martin: You wanna take the direct route? Niles: [sitting at table] Why do you care so much about Bulldog? Daphne enters from kitchen. Frasier: Well, it's not really Bulldog, so much. It's just that I believe that conscience, more than customs and laws, is what prevents people from doing wrong. To contemplate the idea of an otherwise sane man with no conscience... [sigh] It just shakes my entire world view. Daphne: [placing food on table] Well, in our family, we certainly knew the meaning of conscience. That's what my dad called his wooden paddle. Niles: [grimacing, horrified] Oh, how awful for you! Daphne: [matter-of-factly, smiling] Oh, for my brothers, yes. But I knew he'd never use it on me, as long as I was always good. [smile fades] As long as I was always polite. [looks disturbed] As long as I always had a smile on my face no matter how I felt inside! [slams down the silverware in front of them] As long as I was always ready to wait on all the men, hand and foot, day and night, year in, year out! The Cranes seem to not know what to say. They look almost scared. Daphne: [brightly] More coffee, anyone? Niles and Martin hurriedly shake their heads. Niles: [standing] No, no, no, you just have a seat. [gestures for her to sit at the table, lifts coffee pot, begins to pour] You... just... here, I'll... for you. Frasier: Maybe I'm blowing this thing out of proportion. I just can't understand how Bulldog can accept all those accolades and not be tormented by it. Daphne: Well, maybe he is. Niles: Yes, for all you know, he's at home right now, pacing the floor, unable to sleep. Frasier: [nods] Well, that's a comforting thought, Niles. [pause] But we'll never know for sure, now, will we? [pause] Well, enough about this. You know, I think I'm off to bed. Goodnight all. Daphne: Goodnight! Martin: Goodnight, son. [to Daphne and Niles] You know, I'm really proud of Fras. Used to be he'd get a bee in his bonnet, and he'd never get it out. Daphne: Yes, I thought we'd be hearing about this one for weeks. Niles: Well, the old Frasier'd be up with this all night. Martin: Exactly! Wouldn't be able to sleep until he went over to Bulldog's to make sure he wasn't sleeping. Meanwhile, Frasier sneaks out behind them and closes the door. Daphne: [lifting milk to pour into coffee] I should have told him to pick up some more milk. Niles and Martin nod in agreement. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Int. hallway outside of Bulldog's apartment. Frasier walks in, looking for Bulldog's apartment number. He finds it and knocks loudly repeatedly. Bulldog: [o.s.] Okay, okay. [opens door; wearing a robe] What're you doing here? Frasier: I want to talk to you. Bulldog: Ugh. This isn't a good time. I got company. Frasier: [angrily] You have done something horrible, and selfish. And I need to know that you feel bad about it. Bulldog: What, you've been looking through the keyhole? Frasier: I'm talking about what happened with Roz! Bulldog: Aw, not this again. Woman 1: : [o.s.] Bulldog, I'm lonely. Bulldog: Talk to your sister for a sec, I'll be right there. Frasier looks disgusted. Bulldog: Ooh, man, I gotta go. See ya mańana. [slams door] Frasier: Bulldog! [holds buzzer down] Bulldog: [opens door] Would you stop that? Frasier: I am not leaving until I know that you feel some remorse for what you've done. Bulldog: Wow, this is really bugging you, isn't it? Frasier: Yes! Bulldog: Well. Okay. All right, all right. The truth? The truth is I feel bad. [hangs his head] I feel real bad. [pretends to cry] Frasier: [horrified] You feel NOTHING! Bulldog: I'm sorry, doc! These little things just don't get to me! Frasier: The little thing in question is using a pregnant woman as a human shield! Have you no conscience? Bulldog: [hands on hips] Well, maybe I don't. Frasier: I refuse to believe that! Bulldog: Well, maybe it was something I was born without... like, oh, like my cousin. He was born without a big toe on each foot. I used to sneak up on him and tip him over. [pause] I didn't feel bad about that, either. [turns to go inside] See ya, doc. Frasier: [reaching for him] No! No! No, you don't! I know you've got a conscience. It must be buried deep inside there. I will find a way to get it out of you! Bulldog: Yeah, you do that, doc. Frasier: Oh, you mark my words. I don't know how yet, but come Saturday night you will be so consumed with guilt you will not be able to accept that Man of the Year Award! [stalks off] [SCENE_BREAK] AND THE WEINER IS... Scene Three - Int. Reception Hall where the SeaBeas are being held. Frasier spots Martin and Daphne coming down the stairs. Frasier: [waves] Daphne! She waves and walks down with Martin to join him, holding her arms out to hug him. Frasier: Oh, you're gorgeous. Daphne: [smiling] Oh, thank you. She leans in and kisses his cheek as he kisses hers. Frasier: Dad, not bad, either! [pats his back] Martin: Thanks, although I guess any guy looks good in a monkey suit. Daphne: [laughs] On the drive over I started musing about why they call it a monkey suit. I had quite a few theories on that one. Martin: [grins] Oh, she sure did. [whispering to Frasier] Can I get a ride home with you? Frasier: Of course. Roz walks up in the garish silver dress. The huge bow is in the front. Her hair is a mound of curls on top of her head. Daphne: Oh, Roz, is everything all right? Roz: Yeah, I'm fine, it's just that my hair is huge and this dress is a joke. Frasier: No, nonsense, Roz, you look divine. Roz: No, I look LIKE Divine. I gotta go sit down. [moves toward table, then looks at herself] Oh, my God. Look at the way the lights are shining on the sequins on this dress! I'm a disco ball! [leaves] Frasier: Well, it certainly promises to be quite a night. Martin: Yeah! You know, I'm glad to see you're enjoying yourself. I wasn't sure that you would, what with Bulldog getting that award and everything. Frasier: [conspiratorially] Well, Dad, I wouldn't be surprised if Bulldog actually declines that award. Martin: Why would he? Frasier: Well, I've arranged a few surprises to prick his conscience, until, like Hamlet's stepfather, he totters from the banquet, ghostly pale and gibbering with guilt! Martin: [turning around and whispering to stranger] Can I get a ride home with you? Niles rushes down the stairs toward them. Frasier: Niles. Niles: Hello, all. [stops in front of Daphne] Daphne, you look stunning. Daphne: [smiles] Oh, thanks, you look very smart. Niles: Thank you. Of course, I guess it's hard not to look elegant in evening wear. Roz walks in front of them, waving to someone. Niles: Hard but not impossible. Frasier: No. Well, shall we take our seats? Niles: Yes! Although if Dame Rumor is correct, I won't be sitting long! Now are we all at table... [looks at card] 105? Daphne: We're at table four. Niles: Excuse me. [goes to a stewardess] Where's this table? Waitress: One hundred five... that's the technical awards. Just go down to the basement, cross through the kitchen to the hall, and ask for the Napoleon Room. Niles: Oh, the Napoleon Room, that sounds charming. Waitress: We call it that because the ceilings are so low. Daphne: What a shame. Now you won't get to see your brother host or hear all the little jokes he's written.... They laugh together. Niles: Thank you, Daphne, I needed some cheering up. They continue to laugh as they walk away, Niles to go downstairs, Daphne and Martin to sit at table four. Frasier glares. Bulldog approaches with a blonde woman. Frasier: Oh, Bulldog. Bulldog: [to his date] Aw, Jeez, let's go this way. Frasier: Oh, no, there's no reason to avoid me, Bulldog. I have no intention of ruining your evening. In fact, I've gone to great lengths to make it memorable. Bulldog: Eh, you been sleeping okay, doc? You look a little tired. Frasier: Oh, don't you worry about me, I'll sleep fine tonight! The sleep of the just! Bulldog: Me, too. The sleep of the just boinked. [hits Frasier] DISSOLVE: Time passes. Frasier is presenting. Frasier: And the nominees are: "Consumer Forum," Wendy Hashiro, talent, Mike Friedman, producer [applause]; "The Doctor Frasier Crane Show," Dr. Frasier Crane, talent, Roz Doyle, producer [gestures to Roz; applause; Daphne grins brightly]; and "Bob and Nipsy's Morning Laugh Factory," Bob and Nipsy, talent, Lunatic Larry, producer [applause]. And the SeaBea goes to... [opens envelope] Well, well. “Bob and Nipsy's Morning Laugh Factory!” [music; applause] Bob and Nipsy couldn't make it tonight, so [takes SeaBea, pats it] I accept this award on their behalf. That brings us to our final category, but rather than compete with the coffee service, let's take a short break, and we'll be right back with... the Man of the Year Award! Frasier walks to seat with Bob and Nipsy's award. Martin: Sorry you didn't win. Frasier: [brightly] Oh, God, that's all right, Dad! I'm only concerned about one award tonight. That's the next one! Niles walks in, Frasier goes over to him. Daphne: Hey, Doctor Crane! How did it go? Niles: [false cheer] I lost! Martin: Sorry you didn't win. God, I've been saying that a lot tonight. [pours wine] Niles: Oh, look, wine. They didn't serve alcohol at the technical awards, as I informed so many of the guests who mistook me for their waiter. You see, I was the only nominee dressed in black tie, except for the one man in front wearing a tuxedo tee-shirt. Frasier: I'm sorry, Niles. Niles: At least I didn't come home empty-handed. We each received one of these handsome certificates [hands it to Roz], which were given out after we'd folded our tables and stacked our chairs. Niles sits, music plays. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Four - Reception Hall. Sometime later, Frasier continues with the awards. Frasier: Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. Now the time has come to present the Harold Hirschauer Man of the Year Award. [Susan places award on table] Thank you, Susan. As you all know, this award is presented every year to the radio personality who brings honor to our medium. This year, that person is Bob "Bulldog" Briscoe! C'mon up here, Bulldog! [applause] Bulldog: [runs up to front] [into microphone] Wow, what a night, huh? Frasier: [takes Bulldog's shoulders and shakes him "affectionately"] Well, Bob, the night is just beginning for you. Could we please lower the house lights? Lights lower. Bulldog: What's going on? Frasier: [arm around Bulldog's shoulders] Just a few surprise guests that I've invited to help you celebrate this evening! [pats him] People from your past that've helped make you the man you are today. Do you recognize... this voice? O’Rourke: Bobby Briscoe, you've made us all proud. Bulldog: [looks around] Oh my gosh, is that- Frasier: Yes, it's Father O'Rourke, your boyhood priest and childhood confessor! [applause] And who's that next to him? McCloud: Bobby Briscoe, sit down in your chair! Bulldog holds a hand up over his eyes as if to get a better look at who's talking. Frasier: That's right, it's Mrs. McCloud, your second-grade teacher! [she waves] The woman who taught you that honesty is the best policy! [applause] And who's that next to her? Nugent: Drop and give me fifty, Bulldog. Bulldog: [pointing, excited] Oh, my gosh, Coach Nugents! Frasier: It's Coach Nugent, from your peewee football days, the man who taught you that it doesn't matter whether you win or lose but that you play the game fair! Bulldog: [covers mike] You're wasting your time. Frasier: And who's that next to him? Yes! It's the president... of your fan club! Little Joey Katona, whose only dream is to grow up and be just like you! [applause, Joey, grinning, squeaks Bulldog-esque horn] But we're not through yet! Could we please bring the house lights up again? Lights come up. Frasier: We've saved the best for last. It's the woman that gave everything to you... Bulldog: [into mike] Well, you'll have to narrow that one down! Frasier: [rolls eyes] The night would not be complete without the woman who taught you right from wrong.... It's your mother, Bernice Briscoe! [backs away from Bulldog, clapping with rest of audience] A short, stout woman in a floral print dress walks in from backstage. Bulldog: Mom! Bernice: I am so proud of you, Bobby! Bulldog: Oh, Ma!! They hug. Frasier leans down toward the mike. Frasier: Now let's turn the microphone over to our guest of honor this evening. I'm sure we're all anxious to see [very tense with anticipation] what the hero has to say! Frasier returns to his seat. Bulldog: [goes up to mike] I'm really blown away by all this. [pause] I didn't think I'd be accepting this in front of all you guys. [pulls speech out of inside coat pocket] I wrote up this little speech. [balls it up] I can't say this stuff now. [seems to feel guilty] What I've got to say is simple.... [long pause, Frasier smiles; finally, Bulldog grabs SeaBea] This is totally awesome! Thank you everybody! Frasier seems blown away himself. Martin, across from him, shakes his head. Daphne frowns, as does Niles. Bulldog walks over to his mom and starts back toward his seat with her. Frasier: This can't be happening! Martin: Let it go. Frasier: I can't! The man is a coward and he's being rewarded! Martin: Guess I'm never gonna hear the end of this, now, am I? Frasier: No! I'm sorry, Dad, but I won't- Martin: [interrupting] All right, all right, wait just a minute. [beat; whispering to Bulldog, as he passes with his mom] Hey, Bulldog, there's a guy right there with a gun! [points] Bulldog grabs his mother, pushes her in front of him, and ducks behind her, using her as a shield. Bulldog: There's a gun! Gasps from all around. Martin: [loudly] Sorry, my mistake. Waitress: He used his own mother to protect himself! Date: Eeeeew! Roz grabs Bulldog by the collar. Roz: Isn't that what you did to me? Bulldog: No! I just, uh.... no, no! Bernice: What is the matter with you? [starts hitting him in the head] O’Rourke: [standing] You don't deserve that award! Uproar. Various people yell at Bulldog as Roz and Mrs. Briscoe take turns hitting him. Frasier: [smiling] Thanks, Dad. Martin: [grins] Hey, I'm no hero, I just wanted you to shut up. [SCENE_BREAK] Bulldog's mother is ringing his doorbell and knocking repeatedly. Bulldog comes to the door in his bathrobe, turns on the light, looks through the peephole, and mouths, "Go away! Stop it. Stop!" His mother keeps on, though. He finally opens the door a crack. His mother smiles and waves for him to come closer. He does so very hesitantly, and as soon as he gets close enough, she starts once again hitting him on the head, yelling, and shaking her finger at him.

Plan: A: Café Nervosa; Q: Where does Frasier see the gunman? A: Frasier; Q: Who spots a man with a gun at Cafe Nervosa? A: the chaos; Q: What follows the gunman's appearance? A: a hero; Q: What does Bulldog become known as? A: the story; Q: What appears later on the news? A: a human shield; Q: What did Bulldog try to use Roz as? A: the robbery attempt; Q: What did Bulldog accidentally defuse? A: the deception; Q: What does Frasier want Bulldog to own up to? A: Martin; Q: Who shouted that he saw a man with a gun at the award ceremony? A: his dishonesty; Q: What does Bulldog reveal when he uses his mother as a human shield? Summary: While waiting in a long line at Café Nervosa , Frasier spots a man who has a gun. In the chaos that follows, it appears that Bulldog acts heroically when he pulls Roz out of the way and causes the gunman to flee. The other patrons of the café proclaim him a hero, and the story appears later on the news. Frasier, however, saw that rather than bravely pushing Roz out of the way, Bulldog attempted to use her as a human shield, defusing the robbery attempt entirely by accident. Frasier tells Bulldog to own up to the deception, but Bulldog refuses, and learns (on-air) that he will receive a special Man of the Year award for his actions. At the award ceremony, Martin shouts that he sees a man with a gun. Bulldog uses his own mother as a human shield in his panic, revealing his dishonesty.

Opening scene - The Diner in the morning - the first thing we see are gorgeous shots of the ocean and the pier. then we are inside the diner. Ryan, Marissa, Summer and Seth are sitting in a booth together opposite each other Summer: this is so wrong, like epically tragic, end'a the world locusts an horned beasts bummer (pouts) Ryan: ahhh its fine (raises eyebrows) it's really not that bad guys Marissa: yeah, I mean Ryan an I don't go to Harbor anymore but (looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at her) it'll be fine Seth: not for me (shakes head) Summer: (looks at Seth) yeah without Ryan it'll be like freshmen year for Cohen, slammed into lockers, shoes peed in (Seth frowns) ridiculed as death-breath-Seth Marissa: (thinks) didn't you use'ta call him that (Summer smiles and then it quickly goes. Seth looks at Summer, frowning) Summer: this was spose'ta be the best year ever Ryan: kay, really not...cheerin us up here Seth: why'do you need cheering up, I'm the one who's gonna get his ass cheeks duct taped together Summer: whoa yeah you guys should be psyched, no mean Dean, no annoying (raises eyebrows) Taylor Townsend Seth: (looks at Ryan) urine free foot wear Summer: freedom to do whatever you want Marissa: except what I want is to go to school...(Ryan closes his eyes then looks at her) Summer: well at least you guys have each other, if you stick together everything'll be ok (Marissa and Ryan look at each other) Ryan: deal (raises eyebrows) Marissa: deal (half smiles) (Marissa's cell phone rings, she looks at who is calling) Marissa: (answers) hi mom (Summer looks at her) ...ok (hangs up) she wants me home right away to discuss my future Ryan: alright, we'll hook up later then (Marissa looks at Ryan. Ryan's cell phone rings now. Marissa smiles) Ryan: ooo (Seth frowns) (answers) hello (Marissa looks at him) yeah alright, I'll be right there (hangs up) Sandy Marissa: soooo (looks at Ryan) Ryan: uhhhh (raises eyebrows) have a good day Seth: (smiles) oh thanks Ryan you too (Summer looks at him) sorry (puts head down) Summer: you guys (points) both of you have a good day (wiggles finger) together (Ryan and Marissa get up to leave. Ryan does a small wave) Seth: you really believe all that stuff Summer: what that you'll be ridiculed at school (nods) definitely Seth: (looks at Summer) about Ryan an Marissa sticking together an everything being ok Summer: well if they can stick together, I don't know they've survived alot, I don't know that they can survive this Seth: (sad) I'm gonna need you to hold me Summer: (motions with hand) oh, c'mon Seth: hold me (leans into Summers shoulder) Summer: come on (Summer puts her arm around Seth, and Seth has his head on Summers shoulder. awww) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Cohen dining room - Sandy is sitting at the table on the phone, with papers and a model house infront of him. Ryan comes in Sandy: look, I've never done this before, no no I am in charge eh...look its not my usual job (looks over at Ryan) so let me know when the crew shows up (hangs up, frustrated) (Ryan goes over to the fridge) Ryan: hey (shuts fridge) tryin'a keep the Newport group afloat while Kirsten's gone Sandy: that an everything else Ryan: an...I haven't exactly been makin life easier for you I know Sandy: oh its not me I'm worried about kid (looks at Ryan) its you (Ryan looks at him) why'dont you sit'down (Ryan walks over to the table) Sandy: I understand everything you've been through this summer what with your brother an Marissa an now school (Ryan sits, looks at Sandy) (shakes head) you have'ta move passed all that Ryan: (matter of factly) I am, I want to Sandy: (frowns) I don't think you do (Ryan looks at him) those kids at Harbor Ryan are no better than you...but their workin towards their future an your sittin here- Ryan: well I don't wanna be (looks at Sandy) I-I jus Sandy: you couldn't help sluggin the Dean Ryan: he had his hands on Marissa Sandy: which is wrong...(sternly) you gotta stop thinkin about Marissa Cooper an start thinkin about yourself (Ryan looks away) I think you should stop seein her for a while Ryan: (laughs) oh come on Sandy lets not overreact here Sandy: I'm not saying break-up, I'm saying take some time apart...until you get out of this hole you've dug for yourself (Ryan doesn't look at Sandy, and he doesn't look happy. he stands and walks away) CUT TO: Cooper-Nichol living room - Julie is writing on a note pad which has alot of things with lines through them, she has a phone in her other hand. Marissa comes in Julie: (looks up) hey sweetie Marissa: (unenthusiastically) hey Julie: I have really good news an I wanted'ta tell you in person Marissa: (flops on the chair) mm, I need some good news Julie: I have been on the phone all morning with Caitlyn's boarding school (smiles) they've agreed ta take you Marissa: (shocked, sits forward) boarding - school Julie: well apparently the more elite the institution the more accepting they are of criminals, not that you're technically Marissa: (frowns) no way, I'm not going Julie: (leans forward) but honey, you get a fresh start where nobody knows you, i mean nobody but your sister an I've agreed to up her allowance to keep her quiet Marissa: I don't care who knows Julie: (loud) well you should, you need to get back on track...or did you think you'd just spend the year hanging out with Ryan ruining your life Marissa: (sadly) no I thought I was gonna spend it here with you an dad, getting our family back together Julie: (softens, sympathetically) oh honey (Julie moves closer to Marissa then puts her hand on her shoulder) Julie: ok, I won't force you to go to boarding school but you have'ta promise me one thing Marissa: (closes eyes, pulls away) what Julie: well you have'ta stay away from Ryan Marissa: (stunned, stands) mom this is not his fault Julie: Marissa, I gave you your independence an look where you ended up (Marissa looks away) barely escaping jail an kicked out of school (looks at Marissa) you need ta listen to me...let me an your father handle this (Marissa looks at Julie, not happy) CUT TO: Cohen house out the front - the first thing we see is Jimmy getting out of his car, on the phone. we can't see a cell phone just a thingy that is on his ear Jimmy: look I told you, I'll handle it, you'll get your money, everythingssss under control (Jimmy rings the Cohen's door bell and takes the thing off of his ear - inside Sandy opens the door) Sandy: (suprised) Jimmy Jimmy: hey, Sandy...so these past couple weeks'a ben (sighs) pretty crazy no ones been thinkin straight (raises eyebrows) I know (points to self) I know I haven't an I just wanted to say on behalf'a my whole family...I'm sorry Sandy: (nods) I appreciate that (shakes Jimmy's hand) Jimmy: thanks Sandy: come on in Jimmy: (walks in) you know uhh...this is kinda awkward cause it's not the only reason why I came over (looks at Sandy) Julie an I have been living in limbo (raises eyebrows) for the past couple'a months (Sandy nods, smiles) I mean its not that you know we need the money Sandy: you wanna know when the lawyers are gonna read Caleb's will Jimmy: (smiles, relieved) if you-if you don't mind making a phone call Sandy: (frowns) is there anything I...I need to know Jimmy: oh w no no I mean uhh nah, are you kiddin no its fantastic it just uh I jus wanna give my fiancé a little piece'a mind, that's all Sandy: (raises eyebrows) well anything for the soon to be Mrs. Cooper-Nichol-Cooper (Jimmy laughs) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth and Summer are in the student lounge together Summer: you know isn't it a little immature of seniors to be giving wedgies Seth: (holding his backside, frowns) they were sophomores...large...bitter sophomores Summer: oh Cohen Seth: oh god don't look (we see that Jack/Dean has come into the student lounge) Summer: what Seth: (whispers) I jus said don't look! Jack: hey, I'm glad I found you two, what'do you think about helping with the schools production of South Pacific Seth: ooo I'm all for that (Summer looks at him) (realises) oh you meant us helping Jack: considering I happen to know for a fact you two were responsible for Marissa Cooper crashing the carnival (nods) the least you can do is offer to be stage hands for the drama club Summer: no way, ok, I will join the synchronised swim team do rhythmic gymnastics shot put collect stamps march for woman's rights free animals from the laboratories, you know I will even read comic books with Cohen an his whack pack of social maladjusts (Seth raises his eyebrows) but drama club (wiggles finger, shakes head) no, see Taylor Townsend is the president an (realises) (we see a cheery Taylor walk over) Summer: suddenly, this all makes sense (smiles) Seth: aahhh we'd be stage hands an Taylor'd be Taylor: the director, that's correct and writer Seth: (frowns) pretty sure Rogers an Hammerstein wrote South Pacific Taylor: well I changed some lyrics, cut a character (Jack looks at her, smiling) it was just such a good musical, it made me wish it were better! Summer: (over enthusiastic, raises eyebrows) that sounds awesome, it does yeah (normal) but you know what I think that we are really busy (nods, looks at Seth) right Seth: totally booked up, I'm gettin tired jus thinkin about it (Taylor makes a puppy dog face at Jack, bottom lip out and all) Jack: well uh-hm it is purely voluntary of course (goes to walk away, stops) uh but (scratches nose) unless you wanna join Ryan an Marissa in the streets (smugly) id think about showing a little Harbor school spirit (Seth bits his lip and closes his eyes. Summer looks at Jack, not impressed. then at Taylor even less happy) CUT TO: Newport Bay Yacht Club - Jimmy walks over to Julie who is sitting by herself looking at a menu. he kisses her on the lips, which suprises her Julie: mmm, wow, hello (huge smile) Jimmy: (sits) lets get married Julie: ok (touches Jimmy's shoulders) the part where you propose an I say yes, already happened Jimmy: no-no-no like right now, I mean not...right now but as soon as possible like-like (shakes head) Saturday Julie: (blinks) what can we pull together in under a week Jimmy: (frowns) come on, two hundred strangers a DJ playing cool an the gang who needs it (shrugs) just...the family, close friends an we-we could do it here Julie: (coming around) tasteful, understated, maybe a breakfast thing mimosas Jimmy: oh yeah (nods) Julie: (getting more excited) a chef making custom omelets I like it (smiles) Jimmy: (smiles) yeah, ill call Reverend Donahue (kisses Julie) Julie: mm (laughs) Jimmy: an then the honeymoon, we stock up the boat..sail off right after the ceremony, two weeks in Hawaii that'll get our heads straight (Julie has a dreamy look on her face) an then we can uh y'know (raises eyebrows) come back ta reality Julie: (frowns) oh Jimmy what're we gonna do, Marissa begged me not to go to boarding school I- I've called every school within a fifty mile radius an let me tell you something they all read the paper, I jus wish there were a way to keep the family together an give Marissa the clean slate she deserves Jimmy: (touches Julie's hair) things won't seem so bad when we're anchored in Hanalei Bay Julie: (thinks) James...what is your opinion on the educational system in Kaua`i CUT TO: Lake Arrowhead cottage - we see a shot of the cottage from outside and then we see Sandy standing by himself in the living room? he's just walking and looking around. Charlotte comes in from another room Charlotte: Kirsten said she'll be right out (moves closer) we weren't expecting you i- (frowns) is everything ok Sandy: (raises eyebrows) yeah, fine thanks (Charlotte nods, Sandy looks at her) Charlotte: ok, well (shrugs) ill let you have some privacy Sandy: (softly) thankyou (Sandy waits and Kirsten comes out from the opposite side to Charlotte) Kirsten: honey, what'a ya doin here (smiles, laughs) (Kirsten goes over and gives Sandy a big hug. awww) Kirsten: mm (Sandy kisses her cheek) not that it isn't great to see you Sandy: (rubs Kirsten's back) oooh its official business I'm afraid...there readin Caleb's will on Friday (Kirsten looks worried) what's wrong Kirsten: iiits just (shrugs) I've worked so hard to put my dad behind me an...do I have'ta decide right now can I think about it Sandy: of course, yeah, whatever you need to get better (Kirsten looks at him) I gotta tell you though...at Suriak...you seemed alot more positive Kirsten: reality is a little more complicated than they tell you at Suriak Sandy: says who...Charlotte Kirsten: ...I've seen her on the verge of relapse Sandy (Sandy listens) she has these stories about how you think you've hit bottom an then you find a...new low'ta sink to Sandy: oh honey it sounds like she's tryin'a scare ya Kirsten: she's just being honest (Sandy nods) Sandy... Sandy: (smiles) mmm, alright (Kirsten smiles) well let me know what you wanna do about the will Kirsten: (smiles) ok (Sandy leans forward and kisses Kirsten. they hug again. Sandy still looks worried. in the background we see a door close, as if Charlotte was standing there the whole time listening) CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom - Marissa and Ryan are making out on Marissa's bed. Ryan is on top of Marissa Marissa: mm you should probably go Ryan: mm hmm Marissa: cause if my mom finds you here she'll kill you Ryan: mm not if Sandy kills me first (smiles) (Marissa laughs) (they continue kissing. we hear a knock at the door. Marissa and Ryan stop kissing) Julie: (calls) Marissa Marissa: (whispers) hide (Ryan jumps off the bed and falls on the floor, lol we hear the thud!) Marissa: (a little louder) hide (Ryan heads towards the balcony and Marissa runs to the door. she unlocks it) Marissa: uh what mom (opens door) Julie: we don't have locked doors in this house (walks in, looks around suspiciously) Marissa: sorry, I didn't know it was (fixes hair) so, what's up Julie: (smiles) your father an I have decided to move the wedding up to Saturday Marissa: ok, great (smiles) Julie: an then we were thinking of Hawaii Marissa: err always a classic choice Julie: well we thought we'd take the whole family, you and your sister (smiles) Marissa: ok, I'm happy (shrugs) ta work on my tan Julie: and then we thought we'd...sort of stay there Marissa: (frowns) what'do you mean Julie: a fresh start...for the whole family, put Newport an all of our history behind us...a new life Marissa: (raises eyebrows, stunned) wwwhat, no, ok mom we can't I-I can't Julie: (stern) you can and you will (Marissa looks at her) after the wedding on Saturday the Coopers are moving to Kaua`i (Julie leaves the room, Marissa looks upset and stunned. Marissa looks over towards the balcony as Ryan comes back in. they just look at each other helplessly) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen the next morning - Ryan and Seth are in there together. Ryan pours omelet mix into a frying pan. Seth is behind him making coffee Seth: ok how bout this, you an Marissa run away together Ryan: uh last time I tried to run away Seth: we were ambushed by the cops, got it, I guess you're not up for the model home idea either Ryan: ahh I thought we might be able to start with something that didn't involve me getting arrested (frowns) Seth: is it my fault that most of our half baked adolescent schemes goes hopelessly array an my dad has'ta bail us out Ryan: (looks at Seth) uh usually yeah Seth: (moves closer, with coffees) ok uhh new shape (raises eyebrows, holds coffee out) Ryan: m thank you (takes coffee) Seth: the Coopers are movin to Hawaii, you move there also get a job as a scuba instructor (Ryan looks at him) and or work on a macadamia nut farm I (closes eyes) love macadamia nuts Ryan: what if Marissa moved in here Seth: (looks at Ryan) ...I think the nut farm has a better shot Ryan: why not, Marissa should be in Newport for her senior year right wherever we end up goin ta school, we got plenty'a room, Kirsten an Sandy are like the Coopers oldest friends Seth: an Julie Coopers not exactly your biggest fan (raises eyebrows) Ryan: (blinks, thinks) where's Sandy Seth: my moms office, Ryan he's never gonna go for that man, he doesn't even want you seeing Marissa (Ryan looks at Seth and sighs) fine your gonna need ammo (Seth picks up a bagel and hands it to Ryan) Ryan: (waves the bagel, softly) thankyou CUT TO: Summers bedroom - Summer and Marissa hug sadly, they are sitting on Summers bed next to each other Summer: (sad) you can't leave, I won't let you Marissa: (looks at Summer) I know Summer: oh no I really mean that I wont let you, ill restrain you if I have'to, you may be tall but I am wiry and I have Ryan on my side (raises eyebrows) Marissa: except Ryan's part'a the reason (shrugs) they want me to leave Summer: well whatever, you got outta going to boarding school Marissa: yeah, because I really didn't wanna go to boarding school Summer: so what're you saying that you really wanna (closes eyes) go to Hawaii Marissa: no no it's just the best we can do if our family wants to stay together (Summer looks at her sadly) (sadly) hey it's just...for the first time like ever (raises eyebrows) my parents are actually happy...they've been given a second chance and...as crazy as it might sound (frowns) I think I wanna be apart'a that (Summer looks at Marissa sadly, then looks down) CUT TO: Jimmy's boat - Julie and Jimmy are there together. the first thing we see is them kissing passionately Julie: (laughs) wow...what's gotten into you Jimmy, you've been tense for weeks an now your acting like a new man Jimmy: well I jus feel like we're finally moving forward you know (Julie nods) wills being read tomorrow we're getting married (kisses Julie) Julie: mm-hmm, oooh (gasps) speaking of which...I-I I told the caterer id meet him like (looks at watch, panics) five minutes ago we're tabling a motion turkey sausage or pork (starts to leave) Jimmy: (puts hands out) why not both Julie: (looks at Jimmy) why not (smiles) ohhh (kisses Jimmy) mwa (Jimmy smiles and watches Julie leave. we see Julie bump into Don on the dock) Julie: oop, hi, hi there (smiles) (Julie walks away and Don watches her as he moves closer to Jimmy's boat. Jimmy raises his eyebrows) Don: that the missus Jimmy: soon to be (Don laughs) looks like this stories gonna have a happy ending (Don is now onboard) didn't believe me on the phone Don: you been saying the same thing this whole time why would I believe you now Jimmy: because now it's true...(confident) your gonna have all your money tomorrow night, every-every dime Don: (looks at Jimmy) that's all I wanted to hear (goes to leave then turns back) your a good guy Jimmy I'm rootin for ya (nods) but I gotta tell ya this as clear as I can...this is it (holds up crossed fingers) see ya tomorrow night (Jimmy nods and laughs. Don leaves) CUT TO: Kirsten's office at N.P.G - we hear a knock and we see Sandy sitting behind Kirsten's desk doing work. Sandy looks up and we see Ryan walk in with one hand behind his back Ryan: I brought you somethin (smiles) Sandy: is it a three-point-plan about how your gonna keep your grades up graduate on time an get into a great college Ryan: it's a bagel (puts bagel on the desk) toasted, cream cheese (sits) Sandy: (closes eyes, picks up bagel) I'm sorry about yesterday...I assume your here for more than breakfast Ryan: I don't know if you heard but theee Coopers are movin to Hawaii (looks at Sandy) Sandy: (looks at Ryan) the Coopers Ryan: ...I was thinkin maybeeee (looks at Sandy) Marissa could stay here live with us Sandy: you got alotta nerve even to bring that up Ryan: look I get it alright (sits forward) I don't wanna be here, ask you this but (sighs) uh but I care about this girl...an I cant just stand by an watch as she's dragged off to some island by her paranoid mom...you an I are both here because somebody gave us a break...well, now Marissa needs one Sandy: (thinks) ...I think havin Kirsten gone is makin me all sentimental (Ryan smiles, stands) or maybe my brain is fried from doin all these real estate deals...your plan poses a myriad of obstacles Ryan: (points) anything you could do, thankyou! (Ryan leaves and Sandy picks up the phone - the next thing we see is Kirsten thinking, her cell phone rings. Kirsten looks at who is calling and smiles) Kirsten: (answers) hey Sandy: hey Kirsten: I was jus thinking about you, about seeing you, on Friday Sandy: (happy) so your gonna come Kirsten: mm well, I'm not exactly looking forward to it the (sits) the will part I mean, but...I think it's important for me to be there and uh I think I can handle it Sandy: then ill see you tomorrow...is there any chance you might...you might wanna stay after that Kirsten: (unsure) lets see how it goes (Charlotte comes out carrying a tea pot and cups on a tray. she smiles at Kirsten) Kirsten: bye honey Sandy: ill see you soon (Charlotte sits down in the chair next to Kirsten's and puts the tray down. Kirsten smiles and hangs up) Charlotte: so you're going to the reading of the will, sorry over heard Kirsten: (nods) I think it's the right thing'ta do Charlotte: right for you or your husband (looks at Kirsten) Kirsten: Sandy supports whatever I decide (looks at Charlotte) he offered to go in my place (smiles) Charlotte: (nods) then maybe it's your father your tryin'a please (raises eyebrows) Kirsten: well it's a little late for that...(looks at Charlotte) I'm not going for him, I'm going for me (Charlotte nods) I feel great Charlotte: ok jus...please promise me you'll sleep on it (Kirsten looks at Charlotte and smiles) CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer and Seth are helping out with the play, we can't see Seth yet though only Summer. Taylor is there as well ordering them around Taylor: ok left, no not stage left my left, ok this way, towards me (we now see that Summer is struggling with a straw roof of a Tonganese hut. that is what Taylor is giving directions on. every now and then Summer grunts) Taylor: moooore...leeeeess (grins at Jack) a little more, a little less, and a little less, and a little less Summer: (frustrated, lets go) ok that is good (not happy) Taylor: (looks at Summer then the roof) I was just about to say that, oooh I love the Tonganese beach hut, it's so romantic (nods) good job Summer, Seth...Seth Seth: uh I think I nailed my shirt to the wall (rips it off the nail) (Seth is inside the hut working with a hammer) Summer: he's a little disabled when it comes to handling tools Taylor: Summer it's specially-abled (drinks water) you know...it is so great that you guys have each other Summer: (unsure how to take it) thanks Seth: yes thankyou Taylor: cause I mean everyone knows that Marissa was the popular one an (Summer raises her eyebrows in disbelief) an Seth no judgment but its not like you got any cooler over the last two years I mean (Seth and Summer look at each other, shocked) everyone just acted that way cause they were afraid of Ryan Atwood (Seth frowns) I mean even as a senior your still pretty much the biggest geek in Newport Summer: (had enough, scoffs) oooh, no (points finger) alright listen skank, just because your saying really mean things (mocks) in like a really nice voice (normal) (Seth glaress at Taylor while hitting the hammer on his hand) doesn't mean that we don't realise that your jus some stupid little skank (Taylor looks to the left and we see that Jack has come over to see what the fuss is) Jack: Seth, Summer (Summer looks at him) we couldn't possibly be having a problem here Taylor: (arms folded) oh no (shakes head) no Dean Hess there's-there's um there's no problem (starts crying) everything's just super (walks off still crying) (Seth and Summer watch Taylor, in disbelief) Jack: this is your idea of school spirit (Seth is speechless) one more incident an there'll be consequences (Jack walks away and Seth and Summer just stand there stunned) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is lying on his bed and Marissa comes to the door, she knocks Ryan: (sees) hey Marissa: hey (walks in) (Ryan slides off the bed and they kiss. awww. Marissa wraps her arms around Ryan's neck. Ryan wraps his around Marissa's back and then they hug) Ryan: how you doin Marissa: I think (raises eyebrows) I'm still in shock, I can't believe this is really happening Ryan: what would you say (looks at Marissa) if I told you you didn't have to Marissa: iiiid saaayy (raises eyebrows) what're you talking about (shrugs) Ryan: (smiles) I talked to Sandy and I asked him if you could stay here with us (Marissa looks shocked) took a little bit to get there but he said he'd be able ta help us (Marissa looks away, she doesn't know what to say) Ryan: (moves closer) what's wrong Marissa: (touched) it means the world to me that you would do that Ryan: but... Marissa: but (looks at Ryan) my parents are together now an (Ryan realises) I think we have a chance to be a real family Ryan: ok (takes Marissa's hand) Marissa: so (teary) I'm sorry (Marissa lets go of Ryan's hand and leaves. Ryan just stands there, emotionless) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen the next morning - Ryan, Seth and Sandy are in there together Seth: I don't know, Marissa sounds pretty upset Ryan: yeah an now I don't know what to do (sighs) Sandy: well there's nothing you can do except be there for her an wrap your head around the whole long distance thing Seth: yeah, ill hook ya up with a little webcam action, you can start your own blog keep her updated daily on the innermost workings of Ryan Atwood Ryan: an until then it seems like all I do is make her feel even worse than she already does Sandy: so think of somethin special to do before she leaves Seth: yeah that way she has something to remember you by when she's surrounded by...hot native dudes an lonely sailors (Ryan looks at him, then Sandy does) not that that's gonna happen Sandy: listen I'm gonna see your mom in a few hours, is there anything you want me to pass along Seth: (looks down sadly) could you ask her if she's ever coming home Sandy: oh if we push to hard an it doesn't work out we'll only have ourselves to blame Seth: well maybe if we don't push at all we'll never see her again Sandy: (walking away) you know the situations a little too complicated for those snide comments (Sandy looks at Seth. Ryan looks at Sandy then Seth. Sandy leaves) Seth: maybe I took that a bit too far (Ryan looks at him) come on, give me a ride to school (frowns) ill help you think'a somethin for Marissa CUT TO: Lake Arrowhead cottage - we see Kirsten walking down the stairs outside. Charlotte comes out Charlotte: well you look nice Kirsten: (looks) oh thanks (smiles) I I decided to go after all Charlotte: well why don't I drive you (shrugs) I mean I could wait in the car an then we can stop in Palm Springs for lunch on the way back Kirsten: I ordered a car (Charlottes smile goes) I think I jus need to go alone Charlotte: (nods) your right, have a great time Kirsten: it's just a bunch'a bureaucratic stuff, who gets what property bank accounts, it really won't affect me Charlotte: yeah, but from what you've told me about your dad id...be willing to bet he's planned a suprise for you (Kirsten looks at her) (shrugs) I just hope it's a good one (Kirsten and Charlotte look at each other) [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer and Seth are working on the play set again, they are painting waves Summer: (whispers) who came up with that plan Cohen Seth: I did, why does it suck Summer: no I think it's freaking romantic Seth: so you're in Summer: but I also think it's really dangerous Seth: (confused) so you're not in Summer: no I'm in I'm jus saying there's heavy security spy's in our midst (raises eyebrows) like I'm not even gonna tell you what would happen if we got caught Taylor: caught doing what (Summer and Seth look at each other) Summer: talking while we should be painting (Seth points at her) (hits Seth on the arm) god shut up Cohen, your incessant chatter keeps messing me up Taylor: yeah, that seagull kinda looks like its got fins (Seth frowns) Summer: (looks at Taylor) that's because it's a dolphin Charlotte: (nods) make it a seagull (walks away) Summer: (whispers) alright (raises eyebrows) black ops maneuvers commence at twenty one hundred hours (Taylor looks over at Seth and Summer suspiciously) Summer: synchronise your watch Seth: (whispers) hey I thought this was my plan Summer: fine, what'do you wanna do Seth: (thinks) that twenty one hundred thing sounded pretty cool, an then we're gonna synchronise our watches (Summer nods) we have'ta get watches (frowns) CUT TO: Newport Group - Jimmy and Julie are waiting and Sandy walks in Julie: hey Sandy Jimmy: hey (Jimmy and Julie stand) Sandy: Jimmy, Julie, you remember my wife (points) (Kirsten walks in slightly behind Sandy) Kirsten: (smiles) hi Julie: (suprised) Kiki (Jimmy smiles) Kirsten: hiiii Julie: oh my gosh (hugs Kirsten) I didn't know we were gonna see you Kirsten: (softly) good to see you Jimmy: (smiles) great to see you (hugs Kirsten) Kirsten: good to see you too Jimmy: you look fantastic Kirsten: oh thankyou Julie: god, maybe I should check myself inta rehab (Jeff Frankel the lawyer walks in) Jeff: sorry I'm late, lets uh (raises eyebrows) get started shall we Jimmy: great (Julie and Jimmy sit in an armchair each. Sandy and Kirsten sit on the couch opposite them and Jeff sits infront of them all. Jimmy smiles excitedly. Kirsten looks worried) Jeff: Caleb Nichol was a...very generous man who...loved his family very much (nods) Julie: Sandy gave a very nice eulogy at the funeral so lets jus skip the niceties ok (smiles) Jeff: Caleb's wish was (raises eyebrows) to split his fortune equally (nods) between his daughters and his wife (Julie has her mouth open, suprised) Jimmy: wow that's-that's very generous Julie: (happy) I'm getting the same as Kirsten (huge smile) Jeff: as I said that was (raises eyebrows) Caleb's intention Julie: an that's all that matters right (Jeff goes quiet) Kirsten: what is it Mr. Frankel Jeff: ...after careful scrutiny of his account it's become clear that Caleb Nichol was broke Julie: broke...what's broke (Jimmy looks worried) Jeff: well Caleb had a...series of high interest loans (Julie looks stunned) two mortgages on the house (Kirsten listens) back taxes Sandy: what about the business Jeff: eh, why'do you think he was borrowing so much money (we see close ups of Sandy, Julie and Jimmy taking it all in) Jeff: he asked me ta give this to you (Jeff stands and hands Kirsten an envelope) Kirsten: (takes it) what is it Jeff: a personal letter he uh...sent it to me the day he died (Kirsten looks at Jeff and swallows, stunned. Sandy looks at Kirsten. Kirsten grabs her bag and starts walking away, dazed) Sandy: honey (to Jeff) excuse me a minute (stands) Kirsten where're you goin Julie: (stands) w- s- (sighs) (Jeff looks at her) what about me, I mean e- (points) where's-where's my letter (Jeff doesn't say anything) are you saying that-that I don't get anything I mean I don't-I don't believe this Jimmy do something (looks at Jimmy) (Jimmy looks at Julie and then Jeff, stunned) Julie: Jimmy (outside we see Kirsten come out of the doors followed by Sandy) Sandy: what're you doin Kirsten: (scoffs) I should've never come here today, Charlotte told me this would happen Sandy: what, w-what's happened Kirsten: this letter Sandy (holds up envelope) what'do 'you think this is Sandy: well I don't know, let's open it together we'll find out Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) he wrote this after our fight, after I told him he was gonna die alone...I told him every problem our family ever had was because of him, that my drinking was because of him (Sandy listens) could you imagine what he wrote me back (Sandy doesn't say anything) I cant be here right now (walks to the car) Sandy: wait a minute, wait honey wait-wait c'mon (Kirsten gets in the car and the driver shuts her door) Sandy: Kirsten don't (tries to open the door, knocks on the window) come on (the car drives off and Sandy just stands there helplessly) CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom - Ryan goes to the door and goes to knock. he stops when he sees a suitcase on the bed, and Marissa sitting next to it looking at a photo, packing. Ryan knocks Ryan: hey Marissa: (smiles) hey, I didn't think I'd see you today Ryan: why would you think that (smiles, walks in) Marissa: mmm because it's kinda depressing around here Ryan: ahhh Marissa: and (looks at Ryan) I thought you might be mad at me Ryan: well I'm not, if anyone understands tryin'a keep a family together Marissa: (shrugs, sadly) its just I don't want you to feel like I'm leaving, I mean I am leaving (raises eyebrows) but, I'm not leaving you Ryan: what's important right now is that you an I have the best twenty four hours of our lives together Marissa: really (smiles) Ryan: yeah (pulls Marissa up gently) so c'mon we're gonnoo uh maybe head down by the pier meet Seth an Summer, chili cheese fries those black an white milkshakes Summer likes Marissa: (slightly disappointed) sure, the diner sounds great CUT TO: Newport Bay Yacht Club - Julie and Jimmy are sitting together, drinking. Jimmy looks awful Julie: you know Jimmy, when I think about it...I sort of talked myself inta loving Caleb (thinks) not for the money but for the security that money brings (Jimmy looks at her) (sighs) but I never felt safe with him (looks at Jimmy) the way I do with you (Jimmy smiles) an besides its not like we're gonna be poor right, I mean...you have your business in Hawaii (Jimmy frowns) an we'll be sailing inta town on a hundred foot yacht, aloha (drinks) (Jimmy smiles, laughs then his cell phone rings. he looks at who is calling, then at Julie) Jimmy: you know darn I-darn I forgot this um (stands) yes last minute stuff about the uh...the boat Julie: well, ok then ill see you at home Jimmy: oh...you know actually honey um (frowns) its bad luck...ta spend the night before the wedding with the bride so I'll-I'll mee- I'll meet you here, tomorrow (Julie smiles) ok Julie: ok (Jimmy kisses her head) I had no idea you were so traditional, alright then ill see you tomorrow Jimmy: kay (kisses Julies cheek) Julie: (smiles) bye CUT TO: Lake Arrowhead cottage - Charlotte is sitting on the couch by the fire, smoking. we hear the phone ring Charlotte: (answers) hello Sandy: Charlotte hi it's Sandy Cohen Charlotte: (frowns) Sandy, hi Sandy: hey, is uh is Kirsten there Charlotte: no I...expected her hours ago (Sandy puts his head down) is everything ok Sandy: well I uh...I don't think so, she's not answering her cell an if she's not with you...I don't know where she is, any ideas Charlotte: (raises eyebrows) ...e- she didn't wanna go today, Sandy (Sandy closes his eyes) she told me how scared she was, she was afraid that...the stress would cause her to relapse...but she didn't wanna let you down Sandy: ...well if you hear anything would you let me know Charlotte: sure Sandy: thankyou (Charlotte hangs up, pleased with herself) CUT TO: The diner - Seth, Summer, Marissa and Ryan are sitting in a booth together, eating Summer: well that was jus delicious Seth: mm-mm Summer: who's tired, what is it like, god, midnight Marissa: (looks at Summer) it's like eight thirty Seth: oooh Summer: mm (nods) Seth: oooo that's passed my bedtime (hits the table for emphasis) we should get going Ryan: see ya later Marissa: (frowns) wait but I haven't finished my food yet (looks at Seth, Summer then Seth again, squints) you guys are up to something (looks at Ryan) (Seth laughs) Summer: what ppshh, no not at all (Ryan laughs) but we are outta here you know so we'll jus see you at the wedding Seth: Ryan ill cover for you man (Summer and Seth leave Ryan and Marissa together. Marissa and Ryan look at each other) Ryan: (slightly shy) so there's um...a little somethin (Ryan slides out of the booth and holds his hand out to Marissa. Marissa looks at him smiles and takes his hand) Ryan: follow me (we then see the range rover driving down the road) FADE TO: The beach - we see waves crashing on the sand. there is soft giggling/talking here from both Ryan and Marissa. Ryan is leading Marissa on the sand, he has his hand covering her eyes Marissa: I'm peeking Ryan: (laughs) no you're not no Marissa: yes I can, I can see Ryan: nooo, nooo Marissa: (laughs) oww, c'mon where are we Ryan: hey (Ryan stops near a lit tiki torch that is stuck in the sand) Marissa: this is silly (Ryan takes his hand off Marissa eyes and she laughs then looks ahead) Marissa: (suprised) whoa (we now see what Marissa is seeing, which is the Tonganese hut from the play set. around it there are three big tiki torches, with a path of smaller ones leading to the entrance. its gorgeous!) Marissa: did you do all this Ryan: I had some help but uh...yeah (Marissa looks at him adoringly. aww) you like it Marissa: (turns to face Ryan) yeaah I like it (moves closer) you wanna know how much Ryan: ah-huh (Marissa heads towards the entrance and Ryan follows her. they both laugh. we then see the water washing onto the sand again) CUT TO: The dock - we see Jimmy heading towards his boat with a small suitcase. a car pulls up infront of him. Don gets out Jimmy: hey Don Don: hey Jimmy Jimmy: you're early Don: (shrugs) you got my money Jimmy: well to be honest I-I-I-I ran inta some uh...unexpected complications an I-an I don't I-I uh (Don nods) I don't have your money (Don knocks his hand on the bonnet of the car) Jimmy: Don (puts his hands out) c'mon what're we gangsters or something I mean (two guys get out of the car) no we're rational human beings I mean we're jus two guys talking to each other Don: I'm not sayin anything...Jimmy I'm done talkin (shakes head) (Jimmy looks at the two guys who are standing near Don) Don: (motions with head) get in the car (one of the guys picks up Jimmy's suitcase. Jimmy looks at them) Jimmy: car, uh, alright, yeah ill go for a ride Don: Jimmy...I'm sorry (Don opens the door for Jimmy. Jimmy gets in the front and then Don gets in the back of the car. we hear the engine start and see a close up of Jimmy's worried face) CUT TO: Tonganese hut on the beach - we see a lit candle, then we see Marissa and Ryan making out pretty intensely Marissa: mm (stops kissing) mm (sits up) wait stop...I'm sorry but I can't do this (upset) I have'ta go (Ryan watches deadpanly as Marissa leaves. after a few seconds Marissa pokes her head through the curtain door way) Marissa: what (smiles cheekily) you weren't even gonna try an stop me {I just have to say Marissa looks so freaking adorable right there. its such a sweet scene! aww} Ryan: (smiles, stands) ooooooh Marissa: (laughs) what (Ryan picks Marissa up in his arms like a hug, and turns around so she is now facing the door way and he has his back to it) Ryan: you are so not funny Marissa: (laughs) I am kinda funny (smiles) (Ryan kisses Marissa, they kiss for a few seconds) Ryan: so (kisses, breathes heavily) you sure you wanna do this cause uh...we've done alot but (smiles) not this (Marissa nods slightly) yeah...(looks into Marissa's eyes) you know it's gonna make it that much harder for you ta leave Marissa: (looks into Ryan's eyes) I know (Marissa and Ryan are standing close together with foreheads touching. aww. Marissa slowly takes her hands off of Ryan's chest and moves them down to her top, we see a close up of her fingers unbuttoning her top and at the same time Ryan takes his shirt off so he is just in his wife-beater. they look into each others eyes and Ryan is breathing heavily) CUT TO: we are now seeing a montage of different scenes set to the song Salvation by The Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. the first scene is Jimmy walking with Don and the guys on the beach. we see one of the guys smash Jimmy's head into a wooden pylon and we hear a moan from Jimmy. we then see one of the guys hold onto him while the other punches him. Jimmy falls forward then they hold him again and punch him in the stomach, this time he falls to the sand and we see his bloody emotionless face. Jimmy is then dragged off ~ the next thing we see is a bottle of vodka being put down on a counter, and money being put down next to the vodka. we see the worker put the bottle into a brown paper bag then the camera pans up to show it is Kirsten who just brought it. we then see Kirsten come out of the store and get into the car from earlier ~ we then see a close up of Ryan and Marissa. Ryan is on top of Marissa and they are just staring into each others eyes, under the blanket. Marissa puts her hands on Ryan's neck. Ryan leans down and gently kisses Marissa. aww Ryan is holding himself up with his arms ~ we then see the two guys push Jimmy face down into the water. he gets punched, and then punched again. the guy who isn't punching catches him ~ we then see Sandy sitting in their bedroom with his cell phone, he looks at it and then puts it up to his ear, waiting ~ we then see Kirsten inside the car. she is holding her ringing cell phone, dazed. she puts the bottle of vodka into her bag. the next thing we see is the car parked outside of a motel. Kirsten gets out of the car and goes into the office, which has a red neon sign above it ~ we then see Sandy sadly looking at his cell phone, he puts it down, worried ~ we then see Kirsten sitting on the bed in the room, staring at the unopened bottle of vodka which is sitting on the table with her bag ~ we then see Ryan and Marissa, its alot more heated now. they are grinding into each other, kissing. and we see a little of either Marissa's bare leg, or Ryan's bare back sticking out of the blanket, its so fast its hard to be sure which it is. we then see a close up of Ryan and Marissa's heads, they are still kissing ~ we then see Jimmy in the water, still being beaten up. he gets punched ~ we then see Marissa and Ryan sort of on their sides, Marissa is almost on top of Ryan now. Ryan has his arm wrapped around Marissa's back and they are getting more intense ~ we then see Jimmy being thrown into the water ~ we then see Ryan and Marissa again, Marissa is now on top of Ryan, and they are still kissing intensely. Ryan has his hand on Marissa's head ~ we then see Jimmy trashing about in the water ~ we then see Ryan and Marissa again. Ryan is back on top of Marissa and we can see that her chest is sweaty, between them. Marissa lifts her head/body towards Ryan and they kiss more. they become blurry and we see a lit candle clearly ~ we then see that one of the guys is holding Jimmy down under the water. the guy then starts walking out of the water, leaving Jimmy in there. the wave crashes over him) CUT TO: The beach the next morning - we see the sun rising, seagulls flying and then we see a sleeping Ryan and Marissa in each others arms. {aww they look so freaking cute!} Marissa has her head on Ryan's chest, with her arm over his bare chest. Ryan has his arm around Marissa's bare back. after a few seconds we hear a cell phone ring. Marissa starts to stir. she rolls off of Ryan, rubs her eyes and grabs her phone. she leans up on her elbow and looks at who is calling. Ryan opens his eyes, and looks over at Marissa Marissa: (answers) hello...(sits up, worried) what's wrong (Ryan sits up as well - the next thing we see is a now dressed Marissa and Ryan running on the dock. they head over to Jimmy's boat the slow dance. Marissa climbs onboard) Marissa: (calls) dad... (stops) oh my god (we see what Marissa is seeing, which is a truly gross sight. Jimmy's face is covered in bruising and dried blood. both eyes are black, he has a fat lip, cuts and swelling. it's awfu. i felt sick watching this scene!l) Jimmy: hey...kiddo Marissa: (worried) ...what happened (frowns, sadly) Jimmy: uh...I'm in trouble I'm-I'm-I'm in real...trouble Marissa I...tried to fix it I-I I coul- I couldn't fix it (sighs) I gotta go an I-I can- I can't take you with me Marissa: dad... Jimmy: look I've ben a...terrible father (Marissa looks at him) Marissa I uh- Marissa: dad, look I don't know what kinda trouble you're in but...if you have'ta go then go (Jimmy looks at her) ...but if you leave then I don't want you to come back (shakes head) its too hard to keep saying goodbye like this (Jimmy nods, Marissa leans forward and hugs him) Jimmy: hey watch (Marissa pulls away) watch the ribs there Marissa: (softly) sorry Jimmy: yeah Marissa: is there anything I can do Jimmy: ...yeah you can uh...you can give this...to your mom (holds out the wedding ring) (Marissa takes the ring and looks at Jimmy, teary) Jimmy: I uh, not that it makes any difference but...I really love her (Jimmy kisses Marissa on the head and then Marissa leaves the boat. Ryan is waiting for her on the dock. Jimmy moves over to the railing and watches them) Ryan: c'mon, let's go find your mom (Marissa looks back at Jimmy then they walk away. Ryan has his arm around Marissa. Jimmy watches them) CUT TO: Lake Arrowhead cottage - we hear a knock at the door, and then we see Charlotte come into the room Charlotte: Kirsten thank god (stops) (we see what Charlotte is seeing, which is a professional looking lady standing in the doorway) Lady: Ms. Morgan...uh sorry to bother you Charlotte: what is it Lady: I don't know quite how to put this but the family (raises eyebrows) that owns this place has had a change in plans there returning sooner than expected...tomorrow actually Charlotte: (shocked) w- we have a deal, this place is mine for two more weeks Lady: well that would be the case if your cheque had cleared but since it didn't, how bout I charge you for the two weeks an you just (shrugs) start packin (smiles, laughs) Charlotte: (smiles) alright let me (points) let me get you some cash (nods) (the lady stands in the door way, waiting - the next thing we see is Charlotte quickly stuffing some clothes into a bag. she then opens a drawer and pulls out the Cohen Chrismukkah photo of Kirsten's and puts it into the bag. by this I am assuming that Charlotte is in Kirsten's room, and has packed all of Kirsten's things not her own. she then walks over to the window) Lady: (calls) so you think you'll uh head back east Charlotte: (opens window) actually I thought id spend some time at the beach (Charlotte throws the bag out of the window then goes to climb out herself. lol) CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - we see a very sad looking Sandy resting his head on his hand, looking very worried and lost. behind him we see a shadow in the hallway. the camera slowly pans across to show it is Kirsten! slowly walking in. Sandy looks over and sees her standing there Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) I'm home Sandy: (stands, relieved) oh thank god your alright (Kirsten and Sandy move towards each other and kiss. aww. they then move into a tight hug. Kirsten puts her hand on Sandy's back and closes her eyes) Kirsten: I'm so sorry I scared you...I think I even scared myself Sandy: (sighs, looks at Kirsten) where were ya Kirsten: at a sleazy motel...with a bottle of vodka...but I didn't drink (Sandy looks at her) oh Sandy I'm sick'a hiding from my life (smiles) I wanna live it again Sandy: if things get messy...we'll clean em up together (Kirsten takes the envelope with Caleb's letter, out. she holds it between them) Sandy: (looks at the envelope) ooo Kirsten: can't do this without you Sandy: I'm right here (Kirsten goes over and sits where Sandy was when she came in. Sandy stands beside her. Kirsten and Sandy look at each other. Kirsten takes a deep breath and slowly pulls the letter out and starts reading) Kirsten: (teary) it's an apology (Sandy smiles) oh my dad (laughs) course he'd have'ta be dead to say nice things (crying) (Sandy looks at Kirsten. Kirsten turns and buries her head in Sandy's chest, still crying. Sandy gently strokes Kirsten's head and then leans down and kisses it. Kirsten touches Sandy's arm) CUT TO: Newport Bay Yacht Club - we see Marissa walk in and head over to Julie, she looks worried. Julie is dressed up for the wedding, standing beside a gorgeous 3 tier wedding cake with flower arrangements, candles and rose petals all around her Julie: (sees Marissa) oh there you are honey (Marissa doesn't say anything she just keeps walking towards Julie. Julie looks at Marissa, then she looks ahead and sees that Ryan is also there. Marissa looks at Ryan, he looks down. Julie looks as though she knows something isn't right) Julie: (looks at Marissa) Marissa what's wrong...where's your father (Marissa looks at Julie, not knowing what to say. Ryan watches on helplessly. Marissa looks down and holds up the wedding ring) Julie: (upset) no...no (looks at Marissa, takes the ring, teary) (Marissa hugs her) oh my gosh what am I gonna do what're we gonna do (more upset) Marissa: it'll be ok (frowns, sadly) we'll figure it out together (softly) like we always do (we see a close up of a teary, upset Julie still hugging Marissa. aww) CUT TO: Harbor school - the outside shot which usually shows kids everywhere is pretty much deserted. we then see Summer and Seth carrying the straw roof of the Tonganese hut back to the set of the play Seth: well Summer id say our first foray inta musical theatre was a big success Summer: aww honey, if I were you I wouldn't say (shakes head) foray like, ever (puts the roof down) uh but we did good Seth: yeah Summer: I'm gonna go get the tiki torches out of the car (leaves) Seth: ok, I'm gonna stay here an...move things around until you get back, like this (kicks the roof with his foot) (we hear a bang and a light goes on. Seth squints and looks up) Jack: Seth Cohen (Seth looks at him) don't move Seth: (still squinting) Dean Jack: (moves closer) never took you for a thief, Cohen Seth: I didn't steal anything (points) I borrowed it for a very good reason (Jack looks at him) my father...loves musicals ok an you should (Jack smiles, amused) actually think about opening up your auditions to parents cause his rendition of Some Enchanted Evening (laughs) its a treat Jack: wow, thief an a liar Seth: yeah ok fine listen I borrowed a theatrical set, which I brought back unharmed an I plan to reassemble immediately ok (puts hands out) talk about a victimless crime Jack: (hands on hips) it's the principle of the thing Cohen, trespassing, removing school property without permission...I'm the Dean of discipline I'm here to set examples Seth: then I guess go ahead an expel me, at the rate your goin the schools gonna be empty by Thanksgiving

Plan: A: Marissa; Q: Who is Ryan's girlfriend? A: Dean Hess; Q: Who threatens Seth and Summer? A: Caleb; Q: Who's will leaves the family in shock? A: trouble; Q: What is Jimmy in? A: Don Henley; Q: Who is the album named after? Summary: Sandy and Julie begin to interfere in Ryan and Marissa's relationship. Dean Hess threatens Seth and Summer with their lack of school spirit. Meanwhile, Caleb's will leaves the family in shock and Jimmy in trouble. This episode is named after an album by Don Henley .

"285 South" 6th Episode of Roswell Production Code: 1ADA05 [SCENE_BREAK] (Michael is searching the UFO Center after hours looking for any info about his vision. He looks up James Atherton on the computer, prints out 2 pages, and notices Max's Boss sleeping at a desk nearby. The printer whirs to life, waking Max's Boss.) Max's Boss: What? Who's there? Hey! What do you want, you two-bit punk? Michael: Nothing. This is all just a mistake. Max's Boss: Huh? Michael: It was all just one big mistake. Owen (Deputy):You're right about that. (Opening Credits) Teacher: Everybody has their secrets. There isn't a person alive today who's what they appear to be. Exposing these secrets is the job of the...historian. Even the most normal of us has extraordinary qualities just waiting to be uncovered. Voice-Over: Listening to Mr. Sommers, I realized how strange it must be for Max, Isabel, and Michael not to even know their own history. And how scary it would be if anyone discovered it before they did. Teacher: For tonight's assignment, I've paired you together. It is your job as...historians, to find out as much as you can about your partner by asking these specific questions, and then writing up an oral history report for tomorrow. Maria: Uh, excuse me, but these are kinda personal, don't you think? Teacher: Exactly. Personal is the goal of the professional biographer. And who knows? You just might make a new friend. Ok, so the partners are as follows: Daskal with Hausman, Kalinowski with Nell. Parker with Evans...that's I. Evans. M. Evans is with...Valenti. Papas with Cooney, De Luca with...Guerin. Maria: Wait, did you just say Guerin? Teacher: Yes, Michael Guerin. Maria: No, no, I'm sorry. That's unacceptable. Teacher: I beg your pardon? Maria: I mean, the guy's not even here. Teacher: Well, then it'll be like true field work, tracking down your subject. Trussell with Wolf. (Liz and Maria talk as they leave class) Maria: I mean, this is like cruel and unusual education. I mean, aren't there, like, Geneva convention rules against this sort of thing? Liz: Could this possibly get any worse? Kyle: All right, so let's meet at the Crashdown after school today, get started on some of these questions. Get to know each other a little. Liz: I can't believe this. He has been acting so weird since we broke up. Max: It'll be fine. Woman: Max Evans? Phone call in the office. (Topolsky and Mr. Sommers are chatting in the classroom) Teacher: Thanks again for your suggestion. These...these questions are so insightful. Topolsky: My pleasure, Steve. As you know, I did my graduate thesis on the importance of oral history in psychology. So, did you pair up the students the way I suggested? Teacher: Oh, yes, yes. It should prove quite interesting. Topolsky: Sometimes you end up with the most revealing details, just by putting the right people together. (Max arrives at police station) Max's Boss: Evans! Oh, thank God you're here. Max: You ok? I mean, you look-- Max's Boss: Shaken. Yes...shaken by the entire incident. I feel so violated. Owen: Max Evans? The suspect claims that he invaded the premises at your behest. Max's Boss: Please! He's a hoodlum. Max doesn't know people like that. Max: Well, actually... Max's Boss: Evans. Say it isn't so. Max: Well, I lent him my keys so he could pick up some research we needed for class. Michael: I lost them. The keys. So, I snuck in. Max's Boss: I'm shocked. Max: He wasn't trying to steal anything. Michael: I was trying to do him a favor. Max: I'd appreciate it if you didn't press charges. If there were any damages, I'd be happy to work them off. Max's Boss: Well, uh...I suppose we could work something out. Owen: If nobody's gonna press any charges, you're free to go. Pick up your stuff at the desk. Max: Thanks. Max's Boss: Yeah. Max: Don't do me any more favors. (Deputy hands copies of the 2 pages that Michael printed out to the Sheriff) Owen: Your copies, sir. (Max, Michael, and Isabel chatting at school) Michael: This is it. The thing from my dreams. Isabel: Can we get back to the part where you got arrested, please? Michael: Look, it's over, ok? Max fixed it. Max: No, it's not over. This is getting serious. Michael: I know. Marathon, Texas. That's where this place is. That's where the lock is that the key fits. I'm going there. Isabel: Have you completely lost it? Michael: No, Isabel. I've found it. And you guys are too scared to admit it. Gimme the keys to the jeep. I want to go to Marathon. Max: Let's just wait until we can find out more about this place. Michael: Max, i'm connected to this thing, all right? I mean, I see it when i close my eyes. I dream about it when i go to sleep. And it's not letting me wait, no matter what you guys say. (Michael walks off) Max: He won't get far without a car. Maria: Hey, wait. Uh, what's your favorite ice cream flavor? We have to do this completely queer history project for tomorrow. Michael: Sorry, I'm busy. Maria: Wait, will you just answer these questions, ok? Uh, um...who's your favorite relative? Michael: Get lost, all right? I've gotta... Maria: What? You've gotta what? What? Michael: You driving somewhere? Maria: Yeah, to the lift-off gas station to drop off a box for my mom. Michael: The one near the highway? Maria: Yeah. So? Michael: So, give me a ride and I'll answer your stupid questions. Maria: Ok. (At Crashdown, Max and Kyle are at a booth while Isabel and Liz are at the counter) Kyle: All right, number 4. What's your favorite TV show? Max: I don't watch much television. You? Kyle: America's Most Wanted. I watch it with my dad. All right, all right, let's get to the good ones. Ooh, uh...what's the best thing that's ever happened to you? Max: Getting adopted, I guess. Kyle: I'm gonna shed a tear. Max: What's the best thing that ever happened to you? Kyle: Winning the statewide junior rifle competition. Isabel: Your favorite flavor is vanilla? (Liz is distracted, stealing glances at Kyle and Max at one of the booths in the Crashdown) Isabel: Why don't you just bring them some ketchup or something? Liz: Just bringing you guys ketchup. So, how's it going? Max: Great. Kyle: Yeah, we're really getting to know each other. Liz: That's good. Kyle: I'm glad you came over, too, 'cause i was hoping that we could skip on down to question number 8. Have you ever been in love? Hmm? How 'bout it, Evans? Max: No. (Maria arrives at the gas station) Maria: You can't just make up answers. Michael: Who said I'm making 'em up? Maria: You do not watch the view. Michael: Keeps me in touch with my feminine side. Maria: Fine...you know what? I will just make up the answers for you. Help me with the box. Michael: Bad back. Maria: C.O.D. That's 126 bucks. And, uh...cash is preferable. Maria: He's stealing my car...you're stealing my car. Michael: I'm borrowing your car. Now get out. Maria: You're telling me to get out? This is my car. Actually, it's my mother's car, and if anything happens to it, life as I know it will be over. So, wherever it goes, i go. Michael: Fine. You had your chance. Maria: Oh, my God. You're kidnapping me. No, wait, you're abducting me! (Liz's cell phone rings) Liz: Hello. Maria, is that you? Maria: It feels kind of strange, you know? Being alone in a car with you. Liz: In a car alone with who? Maria: Not knowing where we're going, when we'll be back. Michael: Do you always talk this much? Liz: Was that Michael? Maria: Liz says I talk a lot when i'm nervous. Very nervous. Liz: You're nervous about being in a car alone with Michael? Maria: So, how far will we be going? South on 285, huh? Liz: South on 285? Michael: What are you... (Michael sees Maria's cell phone) Michael: Great. (Michael tosses Maria's phone out the window) Liz: Maria? Maria, wha... Isabel: What's going on? Liz: That was Maria. She's with Michael in a car. I don't know, she sounded really weird. (Isabel gets a look of panic on her face and walks towards Max and Kyle) Liz: Isabel! Isabel: Come on, we have to go. Kyle: But things are going so well. (Outside the Crashdown) Max: What is it? Isabel: He found a car. Liz: What is going on here? Max: The less you know right now, the better. Liz: Max, no! Not when Maria's involved. Max: Maria? Isabel: It would be her car with her in it. Going South on 285. Max: We better hurry. Hey, no. You can't come. Kyle: Trouble in paradise? So soon? Max: Get in. Agent: I'm outside the Crashdown. Parker and the 2 evans kids just left...in a hurry. Topolsky: Let's find out where they're going. Agent: Yes ma'am. (Topolsky writes a message on the computer: "Special Investigation Unit, Code Name: West Roswell High...Tension in the Ranks. Waiting for them to slip up. Will happen soon.") (Liz calls home to explain where she is) Liz: Well, yeah, it's a really big test. So, look, if i spend the night at Maria's, then i can get maximum study time in. Ok. And mom, if you need me, just call me on the cell, ok? Bye. Isabel: The perfect Liz Parker lying to her mother? Liz: Yeah, well, at least she knows what species i am. Max: Let's just find them and bring them back home. Liz: What are you guys not telling me about this? You know, Michael is the kind of guy that could be involved in some pretty shady stuff. You guys know exactly where they're going, don't you? (Maria is arguing with Michael) Maria: Marathon, Texas? That's like in another state. Michael: It's only 3 more hours. Maria: You...you are going to be arrested. Michael: For driving to Texas? Maria: Across a state line with a minor? In a stolen vehicle? There are laws, you know. And that cell phone you just tossed? Vandalism of personal property. God, i just...I knew you had criminal tendencies. You even drive erratically. Michael: What's exactly wrong with my driving? Maria: I told you not to go over 80. The engine won't take it. Michael: Maybe it's just tired of hearing you talk. Maria: Oh, so what? What's in marathon? Contraband? Some woman? What? Michael: You wouldn't understand. You don't understand anything about us. Maria: Listen, I already know more than I want to, ok? Michael: See, it's all about you, isn't it? This could be the most important day of my life and all you care about... (Police siren sounds and a squad car pulls behind Maria's car) Michael: Are you happy now? Go ahead, tell 'em I kidnapped you and I stole your car. I mean, what's one more arrest on my record, huh? Damn it! Maria: What do you mean, this could be the most important day of your life? Michael: Forget it. Maria: You have 20 seconds to convince me. Michael: See this place? It's the first real connection we've ever had to finding out where we come from and it's in Marathon, Texas. If I don't get there, or if somebody else gets there first, the only link we've ever found will be gone. Officer: 94. Where you going in such a hurry, son? Maria: I've really gotta pee. See...I, I've...I have this like really weak bladder condition and I drank a big gulp at the last station, and it had caffeine, you know, so it makes me have to go even more. So he was just driving really fast so we could get to the next station so i could pee. Officer: Could I see your license, please? Michael: Of course, officer. Officer: There's a drive-thru about 3 miles up. Nice clean rest rooms. And watch your speed. Maria: You owe me big. (Kyle is calling around to find out where Liz is) Kyle: Great, thank you, Mrs. De Luca. I'll try her at Liz's, then. Sheriff: Hey. Kyle: Um, when did you get home? Sheriff: I don't know. A couple phone calls ago. The Evans, the Parkers and the De Lucas. Is this about Liz again? Kyle: Dad... Sheriff: Anything you want to talk about? Kyle: It's just Max Evans...again. Sheriff: What about him? Kyle: I don't know. Sheriff: Well, he must've done something to get you so riled up. Kyle: Just the way Liz is when she's with him. There's always something weird going on. Like...like today at the Crashdown. Max and Isabel leave in some big hurry and they take Liz with 'em. Like, right in the middle of our conversation. They just drove off. They're not home. They lied to their parents. It's just weird, you know? Sheriff: You have any idea where they went? Kyle: No. Sheriff: Yeah, well, I'm sure they'll turn up. Kyle: I thought you just got home. Sheriff: Yeah, I forgot something at the office. Kyle: Dad, what do you know about Max Evans? Sheriff: Kyle, stay out of this. Kyle: What do you know, dad? Sheriff: I'll talk to you later. (Liz is bringing Isabel a cup of coffee) Liz: Isabel? (Isabel turns around right into Liz and coffee spills all over) Isabel: What? Liz: Sorry. Isabel: That's great. Liz: I was just trying to be nice. Isabel: Well don't, ok? Liz: No wonder you always look so perfect. Isabel: You think so? Liz: Please...you're like the Elle McPherson of the sophomore class. Isabel: Well, I guess that answers question number 12: "Who do you envy?" Liz: What about you? Who do you envy? Isabel: No one. Liz: Isabel...I'm...I'm not trying to take him away from you. I mean...I could never even do that. Isabel: I know. Liz: But what if you guys found something in Marathon? Would you take him away from me? (Isabel uses her power to get the coffee stains out of Liz's sweater) Liz: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] (Max comes out of the mini market) Man: Hey, buddy, I need to make a call here. I told you, hang up the phone if you ain't gonna talk. What, do you think? I got all day here? (Max flattens one of the tires of the agent's car) (Scene switches back to Maria's car) Maria: Did you pull on the chokey thing? Michael: Yes, I did pull on the chokey thing. (Car sputtering) Maria: Hurry, just do something. Go! Michael: Don't tempt me. Maria: Come on. Wiggle your nose, blink your eyes, do the Samantha-Jeannie alien thing. Come on. Michael: I can't. Maria: Why not? Come on! If there's ever a time to have secret powers, now is the time. Michael: They're not secret powers. Maria: I don't care what you call 'em! Just use them and get us out of here! Michael: I'm not that good at it, all right?! Maria: Figures! Hah! Michael: Your car sucks! Maria: And so do you. (Michael tries to fix the car but winds up blowing up the engine) Michael: Now that i'm humiliated, and the battery's fried, I'm gonna take the back seat. Maria: Wait a minute. Ok. You kidnap me, and you blow up my car, and you expect me to spend the night in here with you? Michael: Not exactly my fantasy evening either. Maria: Don't touch that. It is sensitive! Michael: Can you shut up? (A green alien inflates in one of the boxes) Michael: Well, that's nice. Maria: What? What? My mother makes them. What? Where you going? Where are you going?! Michael: See that motel over there? I want to get some sleep. Maria: No, Michael. Wait! (Back in Max's jeep) Liz: It's getting so late. You know, maybe we should just call our parents. Max: No. Liz: They could help find them. Isabel: I hate to say this, but maybe she's right, Max. I mean, I never liked the idea of Michael going into this place without us checking it out first. Max: No. Nobody can know about this. Liz: Max, I'm really worried about Maria. Isabel: I'm worried about Michael, and all you seem to care about is what's inside that dome, right? Max: I didn't say that. Isabel: You didn't have to! Max: Isabel, we're close to something. We can't just-- (Liz's cell phone rings) Isabel: Don't answer that. Liz: What if it's my mother? (Phone rings a few more times) Liz: Hello? Kyle: Liz. Hi. Liz: Hi. Kyle: So, listen, I just talked to your mom. She said that you were over at Maria's. Liz: Um, yeah, that's exactly where I am. Kyle: Was that a truck? Liz: Um, uh, no, no. That...that was just, um, the television. So, uh, what do you want, kyle? Kyle: I took your history book by mistake after you left the Crashdown today. I thought I'd swing by Maria's and drop it off. Liz: Oh, no! Um, you know, you don't even need to go to the trouble. Um...Uh, you could just--you could give it to me at school tomorrow. Kyle: Are you sure? 'Cause I'm very close. Liz: Yeah. Uh, I'm positive. I'll see you at school tomorrow, Kyle. Kyle: Maybe even sooner. (Sheriff is talking on radio to highway patrol) Sheriff: That's right, a jeep registered to Philip and diane Evans, Roswell, New Mexico. 3 passengers, all minors. Radio: Computer shows nothing coming up on Evans, although i do have a speeding citation on another minor from Roswell. Guerin...Michael. Car registered to an Amy De Luca. Mean anything to you? Sheriff: Where were they stopped? Radio: Heading south on 285. Sheriff: Thanks, highway. You've been a big help. (Maria and Michael enter the motel room) Maria: It's like the porno version of Aladdin. Michael: At least it's warm. Maria: I don't even want to think about what I could catch in here. Michael: You know, if you stop being such a princess about things-- Maria: Princess? No, no. I think I've been a pretty good sport up until now, but I'm cold, and I'm hungry, and I'm in some nookie motel with a guy i--i barely even know, and I...and I just--I really want to go home right now. Michael: Why don't you stay here? I saw some vending machines outside. I'll go see what they have. Lock the door. (Back in Max's jeep, the radio reports an accident on 285 South) Radio: This is Donnie Jenkins at KZTX 97 with a special report. Anyone planning on heading past Pecos on 285 South, your plans have just changed. We got an 18-wheeler jackknifed just past Crown Gulch. All traffic is stopped. Highway patrol estimates the road will be blocked off for at least 2 hours, but stay tuned to KZTX 97 for updates throughout the evening. Now back to your hit radio KZTX. Isabel: Great. They probably already made it through. Now what are we supposed to do? Max: We'll just get some rest...keep going when it's open. Isabel: What, you mean sleep in the jeep? Out here, together? (In motel room, Maria and Michael are asking each other questions) Maria: So, do you get hungry just like the rest of us? Michael: Yeah. Of course I get hungry. Maria: What, uh...what other human urges do you feel? Michael: Not if you're the last woman on Earth. Maria: Ditto. And so you'll know, I am not gonna be getting an "F" on this assignment, so...you better start answering some questions. Right now, pal-ly, and I mean for real. So, favorite ice cream flavor? Michael: Pistachio. Maria: Pistachio...favorite TV show? Michael: Win Ben Stein's Money. Maria: Ok, favorite book? Michael: James Joyce...Ulysses. Maria: You have not read Ulysses. Michael: "What incensed him the most was the blatant jokes of the ones who pass it all off as a jest, pretending to understand everything and in reality not knowing their own minds." Page 655...told you you wouldn't understand. Next question. Maria: All right, if you're so smart, then how come you fail every class in school? Michael: What number is that? Maria: It's my own personal question, ok? Michael: I don't answer personal questions, ok? Maria: All right, fine. Then maybe it's the answer to number 16. What are you afraid of? Michael: I hate this. This is stupid. Maria: All right, how about just one personal question? You know, since I didn't turn you in back there. Why is it so important to you to find out where you come from? Michael: Because there's gotta be something better out there for me than Roswell, New Mexico. Michael: You think that's funny. Maria: No, no. It's just, um...when i was a kid, I used to stay up at night and, um, make up stories about my father...you know, and who he was and...what he was doing. And they all ended exactly the same way. He would come in a limo and pick me and my mom up and take us off to some exotic place where we'd live like royalty. Because, you know...I thought to myself...there's got to be something better out there for me than Roswell, New Mexico. Michael: Substitute a spaceship for a limo, and you know what i mean. Maria: Yeah. I...I'm, uh, I'm getting kind of tired. Michael: Yeah. It's been a long day, huh? Maria: Yeah. Michael: I don't suppose we could share? Maria: Not if you were the last alien on Earth. (Max, Liz, and Isabel are waiting for a roadblock to clear) Max: Liz, I'm sorry. Liz: Yeah. We're gonna get through somehow. Max: I don't mean about the roadblock. I mean about everything. From Michael taking Maria...for Isabel being so...Isabel. We're not all the same, you know. Liz: Yeah, I've known that for a really long time. I'm sorry, too, Max. You know, for Kyle and...how my stupid, boring life could possibly get you guys into trouble. Max: First of all, nothing about you is stupid. And secondly...it feels like...my life didn't even start until I told you the truth that day. Liz: Yeah. I know what you mean. Max... Max: Yeah? Liz: Umm...I know that we agreed, you know, not...not to feel a certain way about each other. Max: Yeah. Liz: Do you still think that's a good idea? (Max reaches towards Liz's face but instead patches a hole in the jeep's canvas top) Max: Just wanted to keep you warm. Liz: This place in Marathon. All those answers that you're looking for. Um...they're just as important to you as they are to Michael, aren't they? (Isabel comes back with updated info on the roadblock) Isabel: So the roadblock will be lifted in an hour. Max: It might be too late. (Isabel spots Maria's car on the side of the road next to a motel) Isabel: In more ways than one. (Liz, Isabel, and Max are outside Maria and Michael's room at the motel) Liz: We'll just knock. (Isabel unlocks the door with her power) Isabel: Go right ahead. (Maria, who was sleeping on the bed, is awakened by the door opening and rolls onto Michael who was sleeping on the floor) Maria: Aah! Liz: Maria. Maria: What are you guys doing here? Liz: Um...well, we thought you were in trouble, but...yeah...I guess we're wrong. Maria: No no. You don't think--I mean, that is, like so unreal! I mean...come on, would you tell them? Michael: Come on, honey, we don't have to lie. (Maria gasps in disbelief and starts to hit Michael) Isabel: I believe you. The day Michael calls anybody honey, it's all over. Michael: So i guess you're here to be supportive, as usual? Max: No. I'm here to clean up your mess as usual. Michael, what were you thinking? Michael: I was thinking I can't wait around for the 2 of you anymore. You like Roswell,and you like your family, and you like your make-believe life. That's great, Maxwell. Keep pretending. But don't think it's gonna last. Because one of these days, they're gonna find out about us, and when they do, everybody in this room... (Kyle walks into the room) Liz: Kyle! Kyle: Everyone in this room is what? Michael: Get out. Kyle: Why don't you go ahead and finish what you were saying? Or are you afraid that I'll find out what your little secret is? Are you afraid that I might find out what the hell you guys are doing out here? In the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night? Michael: I said...get out! Max: Michael, don't. (Michael throws Kyle across the room) Kyle: Who the hell are you guys? Kyle: What's going on here? And what are you doing here? I'm gonna get you out of here. Come on. Max: Leave her alone. Liz: Just... Kyle: Get off of me! Liz: Just stop it, both of you, ok? This has gone so out of control! I am not your girlfriend anymore, kyle. Kyle: Liz, I don't know what's going on here, and I don't care. I just want you to come back with me. Liz: You don't belong here, Kyle. This is none of your business. Kyle: I don't know...I don't know what I ever saw in you. (Kyle leaves) Max: I'll take you guys home. Liz: No! No more secrets from us! Maria and I, we are a part of this now. If we don't know everything, how are we supposed to protect ourselves? And how are we supposed to help you? Michael: We don't need any help! Maria: Right. Next time, steal someone else's car and try getting away with it. Isabel: What do you want to know? Liz: Everything. Isabel: That'll make you accomplices. Liz: Go ahead. Max: A few weeks ago, Michael and I broke into Sheriff Valenti's office trying to find that picture you saw from 1959...the dead body with the handprint. Michael: It's the only proof we've ever had that there's other aliens besides us. Max: We found a key. When Michael touched it, he had a vision. Michael: Of this dome. Maria: The one in marathon. Liz: So you guys think that this key is gonna unlock the dome and then...and then you guys are gonna find something there...something that's gonna help you guys figure out where you actually come from? Max: Yes. Liz: Then what are we waiting for? (Group arrives at dome) Isabel: It's just like you drew it, Michael. Michael: I told you it was something. (Michael tries to unlock front door with key but it doesn't work) (Max unlocks the door with his power) Max: We've come this far. Maybe it unlocks something inside. Liz: Somebody was definitely looking for something here. Max: Whatever it was, they probably found it a long time ago. Isabel: Try holding the key again. Michael: Nothing. Maria: Try it again. (With Maria next to him, Michael sees a blurry image of a hidden room) Michael: There's something here. A room. Max: Where? Michael: I don't know. It's hidden. Michael: Max. Isabel. Isabel: The key, Michael. (Isabel lights a lamp) Michael: Jackpot, Maximilian. (Sheriff is examining the dome when he gets beaned in the back of the head by Topolsky) Liz: Oh my god! (TO BE CONTINUED)

Plan: A: Liz; Q: Who discovers her personal journal is missing? Summary: Liz discovers her personal journal, which contains all she knows about the aliens, is missing and she fears it has fallen into the hands of someone who could expose the aliens.

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Maybe that was you. That was all me. I'm bad, Elena. I am bad for you, and I'm choosing to let you go. You think I'm gonna judge you after I find out that you've been tortured for 5 years? Stop defending me! Tyler: Do you know the reason we're together? Because Klaus granted us permission to be together. I can't live like that. You take one more step, we are done! Katherine, voice-over: I'm dying of old age. Good-bye. You're Katherine Pierce. Suck it up. I may have an idea that will keep you alive longer. [SCENE_BREAK] Bulgaria, 1490 (Katherine is alone and pregnant. Suddenly, she's hurting) Present Day [Mystic Falls Hospital] (Katherine is unconscious and the doctors try to revive her) Doctor: Clear! Give me 200 joules. Charged. Clear! (Stefan is in the hallway. Nadia rejoins him) Nadia: It doesn't make sense. I was just speaking with her. She sounded fine Stefan: Doctors think it was a, um, heart attack Nadia: Trust me. Katherine Pierce is not going to die from a heart attack. We both know my mother. She will fight this Stefan: She's dying. Every single organ in her body is failing. Vampire blood can't save her. I compelled the doctors to let me take her home so she's more comfortable, but she's dying. They don't think she'll survive the rest of the day [Whitmore College] (Elena wakes up in her dorm) [Mystic Grill] (Jeremy et Matt find Damon at the bar) [Whitmore College] (Caroline and Bonnie rejoin Elena) Caroline: Ok. Time to wake up, sleepyhead Elena: No! I'm not leaving this bed Bonnie: Which is why we brought breakfast to you Elena: What's all this? Caroline: This is your breakup breakfast! Elena: My what? [Mystic Grill] Jeremy: Damon dumped Elena Matt: Why? Jeremy: I have no idea Matt: Who spends two years pining after a girl to dump her? Damon: I can hear you, dumbass [Whitmore College] Bonnie: So that's it? You're just giving up? Caroline: As she should! I mean, he did say... and I quote... "I am a bad person. I am bad for you, and I am choosing to let you go." Elena: You memorized my breakup? Caroline: Of course I did. Drink this [Mystic Grill] Matt: So you sure it was just a fight? [Whitmore College] Elena: I just have to face reality. If Damon makes up his mind about something, it's done (Her phone rings) Caroline: It's Stefan Elena: Tell him I don't feel like talking (Caroline answers) Caroline: She doesn't feel like talking Stefan: Well, she's gonna want to talk about this [Salvatore House] (Matt, Damon and Jeremy are in the library, drinking) Damon: Rule number one, think of the worst thing Katherine Pierce has ever done to you. Rule number two, toast to the glory of her impending death. Rule number 3, if you come across something that's worse... which you will... repeat rules one and two. She pretended to be buried in a tomb for 145 years while I waited for her lying ass. Wait. Does that beat pretending to be Elena and kissing me on the front porch of your old house? Jeremy: I don't think so Damon: I don't think so either. Damn. Quarterback, go Matt: Uh... Damon: Think on that. Little Gilbert Jeremy: She fed to my Silas, and I died Damon: Doozy Jeremy: Then she made me crash my car into a pole and left me for dead again Damon: Double doozy. Drink Matt: My sister's dead because of her Damon: Yes, she is because I wouldn't have even been in town to turn Vicki into a murderous vampire if I wasn't trying to get Katherine out of a tomb she wasn't in. Group shot (Elena, Caroline and Bonnie enter) Elena: Seriously? Matt: Elena, we were just, uh... Elena: I know what you're doing (She looks at Jeremy) Elena: You're cut off. If anyone is drinking to Katherine's last days, it's gonna be me. She impersonated me repeatedly... Made Aunt Jenna stab herself in the stomach and cut off Uncle John's fingers Jeremy: He might have deserved that Bonnie: My grams died trying to close a tomb she wasn't in Caroline: Tyler's werewolf curse got triggered because of her Elena: Klaus followed her to Mystic Falls, and because of that, we lost Jenna Damon: And Alaric Matt: We're gonna need more booze Elena: She tried to kill me at least twice Caroline: She did kill me, although I'm weirdly better off (Katherine is laying on Stefan's bed. He's with her) Katherine: They're talking about me, aren't they? Stefan: They're reminiscing Katherine: It's fine. I'm sure I deserve everything that they're saying. Does my hand look wrinkled to you? Stefan: It looks fine Katherine: If I start to sag anywhere, you take a knife and you jam it into my carotid artery immediately, ok? Stefan: Ok Katherine: What? Stefan: You know, even on your death bed, you're vain Katherine: Hey. If a girl's got to go, it may as well be glamorous, right? That's definitely an age spot Stefan: This is not an age spot, Katherine Katherine: You're being too nice to me. Why? Stefan: You're dying. I think I can muster up a little bit of compassion (Matt is in the basement. Nadia arrives) Matt: Nadia Damon: Rumor has it she burnt down the entire city of Atlanta once Jeremy: That might win (Stefan enters) Stefan: All right. Knock it off or take it somewhere else. You guys are being insensitive Damon: Come on, Stefan. Don't let the sight of a frail, human, Elena look-alike cloud your memories of the manipulative psycho that she is Stefan: In 1864, Katherine moved into my home, she compelled me to love her, seduced my brother, fed us full of vampire blood, and then started a war with the town that got us killed Damon: Exactly. Bottoms up Stefan: But centuries before that, she was just an innocent girl who was shunned by her family, so for 500 years, she lied and manipulated and did whatever she had to do survive, and she did. She's a survivor. So that's the girl that I will drink to today. Cheers Damon: Please. One night of hot s*x with her and you're brainwashed? Elena: What?! Caroline: Oh, my... I forgot to tell you. You were kidnapped and hostaged and... bottle's empty Damon: Actually, that's why you never send a busboy to do a man's job (Nadia enters) Damon: Nadia, the devil's spawn. Hey, Caroline. Did you remember to tell Elena that? Elena: I think my mind just exploded. Ok. Katherine's upstairs Nadia: Actually, I'm here to see all of you. I found a way to save my mother, and I need some help Damon: Uh-uh. No way. Even my biased brother knows I will kick his ass from here to Kentucky if he helps Katherine Pierce live one more day on this earth. No volunteers Nadia: I figured as much, which is why I found that old safe your brother spent his summer drowning in and buried it on this property with your friend Matt inside of it. Oh. Without this Elena: What?! [A field] (Nadia, Stefan and Elena arrive at an abandoned house) Nadia: I figured you two would be my volunteers Elena: Congratulations on your intuition. We're here. We volunteered. Now tell us where Matt is Nadia: Matt will be freed once you help me get what I need Stefan: Which is what exactly? Nadia: I need a Traveler. Katherine was born into a traveler bloodline. She can make herself be a passenger in someone else's body if a Traveler teaches her how to do it Elena: Like your boyfriend Gregor hopped a ride in Matt's body until Katherine killed him of course. Your mother killed your boyfriend. Why are we saving her again? Stefan: Gregor was gonna kill her, and she was protecting herself Elena: Oh, please don't defend her, especially now that you've... Stefan: Now that I've slept with her. I'm sure you have plenty to say about that Nadia: We're here Elena: So we're just supposed to help you let Katherine take over someone's life? Nadia: Not just anyone's life. Mine. I'm going to make her a passenger in my body [Salvatore's House] (Caroline, Bonnie and Jeremy are outside) Jeremy: I don't see any freshly dug ground Bonnie: This property it massive Caroline: Hello! Is no one gonna comment on the fact that Stefan slept with Katherine? I mean, that's kind of a big deal Jeremy: Does it matter? We've all slept with our fair share of bad choices Bonnie: No offense taken Jeremy: No. Obviously not you Caroline: Bonnie Bennett! Wait. Did you two? And you didn't tell me? Bonnie: I didn't think I was obligated Caroline: Of course you were obligated. You're my best friend. Oh, my God! Does Elena know that her little brother... Bonnie/Jeremy: No! Caroline: Aw! Scandalous s*x! Even better! God, how am I the only person on the planet who's not having scandalous s*x? Jeremy: Why don't we split up and think about that? Caroline: Good idea. We'll cover more ground that way Bulgaria, 1492 (Katherine arrives at her parents' home and finds them dead) Katherine: No, no! No, mama. No! (Damon appears in the memory) Damon: What a mess Katherine: Damon? Damon: Ok. I'll say it. I miss Klaus. I mean, the way this guy used to torture you. Sword in the daddy. Nice touch Katherine: Get out of my head Damon: Remind me how this slaughter went down again. Oh, right. Klaus was gonna kill you in a blood sacrifice, and you, being you, ran for the hills, only to come back and find your entire family had been massacred. So if I'm adding this up right, your family's entire death was all your fault Katherine: No! No! No! No! Nowadays [Salvatore's House] (Liz enters) Liz: Put the pillow down, Damon Damon: Liz Liz: If you kill her, it's murder. I mean, I'd have to bring you in, lock you up. There's all that paperwork Damon: Every awful thing I've ever done is linked to her. She taught me how to kill, how to enjoy it. She ruined me, and I can't take any of that back Liz: Look at how much control she still has over you. Prove her wrong [The Woods] (Caroline is looking for Matt) Caroline: Matt! Matt, we're coming for you! (She sees Klaus) Klaus: Hello, Caroline Caroline: Klaus [Abandoned House] (Nadia, Stefan and Elena enter) Stefan: Not exactly the Ritz Nadia: Travelers don't have much. They're always on the move, but on the plus side, sometimes their services can be bought. I found one who named the right price (A woman rejoins them) Woman: You brought them Nadia: Yes, Mia. Are you ready to make the deal? Elena: What's going on? Stefan: I have the feeling the right price for the deal was us Nadia: I'm sorry, but they asked for doppelgangers. No idea why (She leaves. Elena and Stefan burn in the sun) Elena: Our rings. They're messing with them. We can't go outside [The Woods] Caroline: Sorry. Matt's buried alive. No time to chat Klaus: You're not even the least bit curious as to why I'm here? Caroline: I literally just whooshed at the sight of your face, so no Klaus: Damon informed me that Katerina Petrova has taken a tragic turn Caroline: So you're here to gloat over her corpse to be, to delight in the closure of 500 years of revenge! Great! Now I'm even less interested Klaus: Well, then perhaps you'd be more interested in talking about Tyler Caroline: Is he... did you... Klaus: No. I sent him off with little more than a bruised ego. He really does hate me, poor lad. Revenge, it eats at him. I hear you two broke up Caroline: Because I made him choose... me or his stupid revenge fantasy, and he chose wrong. I suggest that you learn from his mistakes and let Katherine die in peace. Dying sucks enough learn as it is. No need to rub anyone's nose in it [Salvatore's House] Liz: Ok. Here's the sedatives from the hospital. Should help with the pain Katherine: I don't want them. They make me weak, and when I'm weak, he can get in my head Liz: Ok. Suit yourself. They're right here if you want them (She looks at Damon) Liz: Still looking for Matt? Any word from Elena? Damon: We're not on a speaking basis Katherine: Didn't you hear, Sheriff? He was so afraid to dirty her... white dove feathers that he let her little wings fly free, and it was all my fault. Oops (He injects her with sedatives) Damon: That'll shut her up for a while Mystic Falls, 1864 (Katherine and Emily are in a carriage) Katherine: How much further until we reach this Lockwood plantation? Emily: Won't be long now. We've just entered the town of Mystic Falls Katherine: Good. What is it now? Emily: Looks like a gentleman's having some problems with his carriage Katherine: At this rate, we won't arrive until sundown. What does it matter if... (Stefan is the gentleman in question) Stefan: Thanks for your help. I should be all right Katherine: Who is that? He's so handsome. What do you say, Emily? Think that gentleman's family would take in a poor orphan girl from Atlanta? Nowadays [Salvatore's House] Damon: What the hell was that? Katherine: You never heard the real story of how I came to meet your brother? I want to think that this prophecy of the universe bringing the doppelgangers together is absurd, but the moment that I saw Stefan... I can't describe it... the out-of-the-way road, the downed tree, the broken-down carriage, it just... it sounds like fate to me [Abandoned House] Elena: This isn't awkward Stefan: Guess we probably picked the wrong day to be in a fight, huh? Elena: I'm sorry, ok? It's not my place to judge, especially after everything that you've been through. You don't happen to speak Czech, do you? Stefan: No Elena: Ok. Stefan? Elena: It's ok. I guess he wants doppelganger blood Elena: Should we knock his head off? Stefan: Depends. If I kill him, do the rest of these boards fall down? Elena: Right. Blood it is. Why aren't we healing? [SCENE_BREAK] [The Woods] Caroline: Matt! Matt! Klaus: Would you give me the same choice? Caroline: What? Klaus: Were I to abandon my revenge against Katerina, would you offer me the same choice as Tyler? Caroline: I don't know what you mean Klaus: Yes, you do Caroline: You... you can't do this to me. You can't just show up and distract me while my friend is in danger Klaus: You know, while you've been vamping off in all the wrong directions, I heard Matt's distant and desperate screams Caroline: Where? Klaus: Don't worry, luv. I've got it covered. Trust me. He'll be quite happy with his rescuer (Matt opens the safe and comes out. He sees Rebekah) Rebekah: I'm gone not 3 months, and look at the trouble you're in [Salvatore's House] (Damon is still with Katherine) Katherine: Just go away. Don't you think that you've made your point? (Jenna appears) Jenna: What point? Like this one? Katherine: Jenna? Jenna: Remember when you compelled me to stab myself? Katherine: No, no. No, no, no! Unh! Damon: Poor Aunt Jenna. I had to compel her to think that she walked into that knife. She was so confused Katherine: No. No. No more drugs! (John appears) John: Hello, fingers. Good-bye, fingers (Katherine screams. He disappears and Elijah arrives) Elijah: Enough! Katherine: Elijah Elijah: Katerina Katherine: You're here (He disappears) Damon: I'm so sorry. Did you think that that was real? Nope. No one's coming to say good-bye, Katherine, because no one cares Nadia: I do Damon: Come on Nadia: Let's get on with this [Abandoned House] Stefan: Guess it's a good thing I'm not claustrophobic anymore Elena: That's what Katherine helped you with... Silas aftermath Stefan: She did Elena: Can I just hate her anyway? Stefan: You can Elena: Thank you Stefan: But I don't. I know I should, but for some reason, I keep rooting for her to find peace. Katherine's not the only one, you know? Damon keeps pushing you away because he hates himself, who he is, what he's done. Just remember that you never gave up on me, so don't give up on him. Don't let him give up on you either, ok? Elena: So that's it? All you needed from us was a bucket of blood? Let's get out of here Stefan: Come on [Salvatore's House] (Nadia and Mia are still with Katherine) Mia: Repeat the spell so I know you understand how the passenger works Katherine: I can't Nadia: Just say it. Jaryakat a zem. Daryeet acza. Say it, and it's done. Your spirit goes inside my body, Mia will activate you by calling you forth, and you get to live Katherine: Can I have a moment with my daughter, please? Nadia: I know what you're going to say... We don't have time for this Katherine: Nadia... Letting my father rip you out of my arms, it was the biggest regret of my life. I should have fought harder to keep you, but I didn't. So I spent the next 500 years making sure that I never made that mistake again. I fought for everything, and in the process, I had a long, full life, and I got to know my beautiful daughter. And you spent the last centuries searching for me. Don't waste another minute on me. It's your turn to live Nadia: I can't do this Katherine: Let me. I've made selfish decisions all my life. Let me do the right thing for once Nadia: Fine. Then go. Leave me. Drift off into oblivion, but I will not sit by your side and watch you die [The Woods] Klaus: So the quarterback has been saved. What now? Caroline: Don't you have a dying girl to go punish for all of her sins? Klaus: I do, but I won't for you Caroline: So you came all the way to Mystic Falls just to back off when I ask you to? Klaus: No. I came all the way to Mystic Falls to gloat over a corpse to be, as you so poetically put it, but I will leave minus the gloating in return for one small thing Caroline: And what is that? Klaus: I want your confession Caroline: My confession? I didn't do anything. Confession about what? Klaus: Me. As soon as we're done here, I'm gonna walk away, and I'm never coming back. You'll never again have to look me in the eye and cover our connection with hostility and revulsion. You'll never have to loathe the darkest parts of yourself that care for me in spite of all I've done. I will be gone, and you will be free. I just... Want you to be honest with me Caroline: I'm in college. I'm building a life for myself. I have plans and a future and things that I want, and none of those things involve you, ok, none of them Klaus: I see Caroline: No, you don't because, yes, I cover our connection with hostility because, yes, I hate myself for the truth, so if you promise to walk away like you said and never come back, then, yes, I will be honest with you. I will be honest with you about what I want Klaus: I will walk away, and I'll never come back, I promise [Salvatore's House] (Stefan enters his bedroom. Damon's still here) Stefan: What the hell happened to you? Damon: In a shocking twist, Katherine's daughter's a psychopath. Whew. She's all yours. I've had fun messing with her mind all day Stefan: Damon Damon: I know, Stefan, I know. It's been a rough couple days. I needed an outlet, ok? (He leaves. Stefan looks at Katherine) Stefan: Hi Katherine: These drugs are... Hardcore Stefan: Close your eyes. I came to say bye Katherine: I want to see you Stefan: You will Bulgaria, 1492 (Katherine is crying. Stefan appears) Stefan: So this is the memory you came back to? A little dark, no? Katherine: Damon already had his fun with this one. This was the worst day of my life. He said it was my fault, that I deserved everything bad that's ever happened to me. He's right. He was right, Stefan I don't deserve to be loved Stefan: Open your mind to me. Look at your father Katherine: He's gone. What are you doing? Stefan: You deserve to feel peace Katherine: Mother! Stefan: You were a 17-year-old girl. Katherine... None of this is your fault Nowadays [Salvatore's House] Stefan: Good-bye, Katherine Elena: Is she... Stefan: Not yet. With these drugs, she won't wake up again (Stefan and Damon are outside) Stefan: You know, I was in a dark place, Damon Damon: And Katherine pulled you out of it. Irony abounds Stefan: You know, whatever is going on with you and Elena, you need to fix it. She's the best thing that ever happened to you Damon: What, don't you think I know that? I can't live without her... But when you think about it, I'm no better than Katherine. Elena will be happier without me. What, I'm being selfless? Don't give me that look Stefan: I'm not giving you a look Damon: Katherine fricking Pierce has a selfless moment, I'm not allowed to? Fine. Fine.When I get Elena back and the whole universe freaks out because the fated doppelgangers are torn apart, just remember you... you're the one that pep talked me out of doing the right thing for the universe and all mankind Stefan: I will keep that in mind Damon: You do that (Caroline comes back and rejoins Bonnie, Jeremy and Matt) Matt: Hey. Where have you been? Caroline: In the woods. I got lost. So what are we doing? Jeremy: We are waiting for Katherine to bite it Matt: So this anchor thing, does it mean that you'll, like, be able to feel Katherine's death or whatever? Bonnie: I think so. I mean, she's human, but she's also a doppelganger and Traveler apparently Matt: So who else do you see over there? Anybody I know? Bonnie: I see lots of people. My grams, the other witches. Vicki. I just don't talk about it, you know, just... Vicki: because it's depressing as hell. Tell Matty I love him Matt: What's happening? Bonnie: She's here. She said she loves you Vicki: Tell him that I watch over him and no more knocking around with that blond original chick who almost got him killed Matt: Wait. Wait. What's happening? What am I missing? Tyler: Me Caroline: Tyler? Tyler: Rebekah says to tell you I'm her parting gift. Hey, care Caroline: Hi (Stefan and Damon enter) Stefan: We've really gone through 4 bottles of bourbon today? Alaric: Can someone tell these idiots to lay off the booze? Bonnie: Oh, my God Jeremy: Alaric? Damon: Ric's here? Jeremy: Where the hell have you been? I thought you bailed on us to go find peace or something Alaric: Do you honestly think I'd leave Damon in charge and never look back? Damon: He's talking about me, isn't he? Jeremy: He says you're a dick Damon: Cheers, buddy Alaric: Bonnie: Katherine Damon: Ding-dong. Does that mean the witch is dead? Katherine: No. It's too soon. I can't! (Katherine wakes up. Elena is here) Elena: Wow. You really don't want to die, do you? I swear I just heard your heart stop Katherine: Where am I? Elena: Still alive... Sadly Katherine: I thought I was a goner there for a second, but I still have unfinished business Elena: So do I. I had this whole speech that I was preparing to give your unconscious body Katherine: Let me guess. Hate, loathe, screw you, die, bitch, et cetera Elena: Yes. Plus one more thing. I forgive you Katherine: You what? Elena: I forgive you. You weren't born evil. Your life made you that way. You lost everyone that you cared about way too young, and you didn't have a family that looked after you. Sound familiar? Katherine: Is this the... "We're not so different you and I" doppelganger speech? Because I'd be happy to skip it Elena: I'll save it for the funeral that we probably won't have for you Katherine: Perfect Elena: I just wanted to get the forgiveness part out. It's part of me that I... I never want to lose Katherine: Good for you. Now maybe you can help a girl out and give me one more syringe, and if anyone's gonna plunge a needle in me one last time, may as well be you. Symmetry and all that. Elena... Thank you for your forgiveness Elena: You're welcome (She loses consciousness. Her phone rings. She answers. Mia activates her and then Nadia takes the phone) Nadia: Hello? Are you there? Elena/Katherine: I'm here Nadia: Talk to me. Did it work? Elena/Katherine: Of course it worked. I'm Katherine Pierce. I survive. I'll see you soon (She hangs up and looks at herself in the mirror) Katherine: Hi. I'm Elena Gilbert

Plan: A: Nadia; Q: Who is trying to save her dying mother? A: a frightening plan; Q: What kind of plan does Nadia come up with? A: the summer; Q: What did Stefan spend locked in a safe? A: search; Q: What do Bonnie, Caroline, and Jeremy do to find Matt? A: Matt's location; Q: What are Bonnie, Caroline and Jeremy searching for? A: the returning Rebekah; Q: Who saves Matt? A: her life; Q: What is Katherine fighting for? A: Bulgaria; Q: Where did Katherine live in 1492? A: Klaus; Q: Who confronts Caroline? A: travelers; Q: What group of people are doing an unknown ritual? A: Tyler; Q: Who returns to the group? A: Elena's body; Q: Who does Katherine become a traveler in? Summary: Nadia is trying to save her dying mother, Katherine, and comes up with a frightening plan. Elena and Stefan are forced to help Nadia to enact her plan after Nadia threw Matt in the safe which Stefan spent the summer locked in. Bonnie, Caroline and Jeremy search for Matt's location, but the returning Rebekah saves him. Katherine, who continues to fight for her life, remembers her time in Bulgaria back in 1492. Klaus also returns and confronts Caroline to admit her feelings for him; this later results in them sleeping together. After Nadia leads them, Elena and Stefan are trapped in a house full of travelers who are doing an unknown ritual. However, Elena and Stefan are able to escape, and later Elena goes to Katherine to forgive her for all the bad things that she did to her. Tyler returns as well and he catches up with the group. Upon her speech, Katherine attacks Elena and finish the ritual, officially becoming a traveler in Elena's body.

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] ALEX: You and me, we are officially together. JOSH: What are you talking about? ALEX: The s*x tape. I don't look as bad as if I made it with my boyfriend. MIRANDA: I'm being deported. GRUBBS: Marrying me fixes everything. MIRANDA: I can't marry you. CLAY: Remember the tennis player that wouldn't take no for an answer? QUINN: That Katie girl? Why do you have a photo with her? CLAY: Because it's not her. It's Sara. KATIE: You'll never be Sara. QUINN: Neither will you. KATIE: We'll see about that. TANESHA: Her behavior gets a little unpredictable. CLAY: How unpredictable? TANESHA: Let's just say you should be careful. JAMIE: Oh, cool! HALEY: Jamie! JAMIE: I didn't mean to! HALEY: Look what you did! Go to your room! NATHAN: Even though she doesn't show it all the time, deep down inside, your mom is still very sad that your grandma died. JAMIE: Mom's gonna be okay, right? NALEY'S HOUSE Haley is at the edge of the swimming pool. She thinks jumping inside. But Jamie comes to see her and removes her her thoughts. HALEY (voice-over): Someone once said that death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside of us while we live. I could tell you who said it, but who the hell really cares? JAMIE: Mama? Mama? Mama? I made my own breakfast and cleaned everything up. HALEY: What do you want, a gold star? CLINN'S HOUSE Clay opens the refrigerator and finds a juice of grapes. DRILL Quinn digs a hole. CINEMA Julian shows in Brooke the first assembly of film. APARTMENT OF GRUBBS Grubbs is still laid down, Miranda prepares her business to leave. CINEMA The film is finished, Julian asks for the opinion of Brooke. JULIAN: I mean, obviously, the closing title song goes here, and the credits and it's all temp track sound, but...Is it okay? BROOKE: It's so good. I loved the scenes with them on the balcony and the way he looked at her when she slept and...It's really good! Alex and Josh actually have amazing chemistry. ON TV SET Alex and Josh are the guests of an emission. They must make believe that they are together but in slides the insults fuse. ALEX: Seriously, with the douchey puka shells and the sunglasses? JOSH: Seriously, with the annoying voice and the worse than annoying rest of you? PRESENTER: Well, our next guests are not only starring together in a new independent film, they're also starring together online as you may have heard... JOSH: I can't believe I have to pretend to be with you... you... you...You hear that? That's the echo coming from your crotch. ALEX: Oh, great. Add a nice batch of ass breath to the mix. PRESENTER: Please welcome actors and real-life lovebirds, Josh Avery and Alex Dupre. ALEX: Dick. JOSH: Whore. Just a little ass breath for my baby. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley is on the telephone with somebody. HALEY (at phone): It all just seems so fake...this idea that good things happen to good people and there's magic in the world and the meek and the righteous will inherit it. There's too many good people who suffer for something like that to be true. There are too many prayers that get unanswered. Every day we ignore how completely broken this world is, and we tell ourselves it's all gonna be okay. "You're gonna be okay." But it's not okay. And once you know that...there's no going back. There's no magic in the world. Least, not today there isn't. Nathan sees Haley sitting on grass in the garden. NATHAN: You've only been going two weeks, and you're already skipping sessions? I don't blame you. It's a nice day. Who'd want to waste an hour in a therapist's office? HALEY: It's 50 minutes, actually. Somehow their hour works out to 50 minutes. If I told you that a half-hour was 20 minutes, you'd call me crazy. NATHAN: We're all crazy, Hales. Some of us just hide it better than others. How'd you like to spend the day, just you and me? Quinn's watching Jamie. Let's go for a drive. HALEY: Whatever. NATHAN: You say the sweetest things to me, Haley James. Quinn has a little surprise for Jamie. QUINN: There's my man! JAMIE: Hi, Aunt Quinn. QUINN: Oh, come on, now. Don't make me find a cake and stuff your face in it again. JAMIE: I'm just worried about mom. HALEY: I know. But, hey, she's gonna be okay. I promise. JAMIE: I hope so. I miss her... the way she used to be. QUINN: Me too. JAMIE: What's that movie? QUINN: "The Goonies"! Ever seen it? JAMIE: No. QUINN: What?! This was like my favorite movie when I was your age. You, uh, you want to watch it with me? JAMIE: Sure. Can Chester watch, too? QUINN: Yeah! It's totally bunny approved. Come on. You ready? JAMIE: Yeah. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Julian awaits a telephone call impatiently festival. JULIAN: Maybe the movie sucks. BROOKE: Julian... JULIAN: No, I'm serious. Why did I ever get involved with film-making in the first place? BROOKE: Because you watched "The Thin Red Line" with your father when you were a boy, and it was the best day you ever had. JULIAN: You don't know me, Brooke Davis. BROOKE: Oh, I think I do, Julian Baker. And you know what else I know? You'll get in. JULIAN: It's a big deal. The Wasatch Valley Film Festival is a first look for... BROOKE: A first look for a ton of prestigious films. I know. Today is the deadline. You gave them your cell, my cell, and Paul's cell, and if you don't get in, you're taking me to Cabo. JULIAN: Wait, when did I say the Cabo part? BROOKE: You didn't, I just did. JULIAN: I had to send them a rough cut. Maybe they hated it. BROOKE: Maybe they loved it, and they'll tell you that when you get in. JULIAN: Maybe I love you, and I'll love you forever. What's your day like? BROOKE: Well, I have to go to the store and deal with my mother and Alexander and that madness. I have to fix the toe that you are massacring. And then I'm gonna go spend some time with Haley. JULIAN: Sorry. How's Haley doing? BROOKE: Not good. She's just sad and depressed and angry. JULIAN: Well, send her my best, okay? BROOKE: I will. And send Julian my best and tell him I love him, okay? JULIAN: I will. BROOKE: It's a great film. They'll call. You'll get in. PEYTON'S OFFICE Miranda talks with Grubbs. MIRANDA: My first week in Tree Hill, I told Haley I was gonna close this place. Couldn't wait to get out of here. And now I'm gonna miss it. GRUBBS: Why, after last night, you're still not ready to marry me? MIRANDA: Last night was amazing. Every night has been. But, no...I still can't marry you. I need you to promise me something. Promise me that when I'm gone, you'll still finish the record. GRUBBS: I will. For you. MIRANDA: No. For you. GRUBBS: For us. But we are not that far off. We might just finish this thing by the time you have to leave. MIRANDA: No. We won't. Because I leave tonight. GRUBBS: What? Why didn't you tell me? MIRANDA: Because last night was amazing. But now I have to go...tonight. CLUB TRIC Alex waits until Chase him serf something with drinking. He looks at a texto that Mia sent to him. CHASE: Relationships suck. ALEX: Okay, but I'm supposed to be the one with relationship problems, and you are supposed to be the "sweet but kind of rough around the edges" bartender who listens and offers sage advice. CHASE: You don't have relationship problems. ALEX: How would you know? (Chase shows the emission which passes on TV) ALEX: Right. Now I definitely need a drink. Shot of Tequila. But you have to drink it. CHASE: Perfect. CLINN'S HOUSE Clay returns at his home. He hears the song of Sara and sees Katie in the kitchen drinking grape juice. CLAY: Quinn? KATIE: In here, honey. CLAY: What are you doing here? KATIE: What do you mean, baby? CLAY: Don't call me that. All right, the song, the grape Kool-Aid...how do you know about that? How do you know? KATIE: What do you mean, how do I know? Clay, it's me, honey. It's Sara. CLAY: Don't say that. KATIE: Clay... CLAY: Sara's dead. KATIE: Don't you remember when we first heard this song? We flew to Austin for that weekend in October and stayed in that little house. CLAY: Stop it. KATIE: The day we first met. I said I'd rather streak on the quad, and you said you picked the wrong school. CLAY: I don't know how you know these things, but I do know that my wife is dead, and she's not coming back. And neither are you. All right? Do you understand me? Don't ever come back here. Out. KATIE: I'm here, Clay. It's me. We could be together again. CLAY: No. We can't be together. And we won't be together, ever. Now get out. Go. Out. NALEY'S HOUSE Quinn and Jamie speak about film while nibbling some candies. JAMIE: That movie...was so awesome. QUINN: I know. JAMIE: Wouldn't it be cool if there actually was a secret treasure somewhere? QUINN: Well, funny you should say that, because a long time ago I found this...But I've never been able to figure it out. Maybe you can help me. JAMIE: Let's see. "If the treasure you do seek, no one tell and no words speak. Commit no crime but go to court, not for law, instead for sport." What does it mean? QUINN: I don't know. I mean, what kind of court doesn't have lawyers? A courtyard? JAMIE: No. QUINN: Ooh, a tennis court... JAMIE: "Not for law, instead for sport." Court... for sport. The Rivercourt! QUINN: Yes! Ah, you are such a genius! Maybe the next clue is there. JAMIE: Yeah. Oh, man. I gotta get some stuff. Okay. A shovel... a flashlight...We're totally going on a treasure hunt! NATHAN'S CAR Nathan and Haley are wedged in the traffic. NATHAN: Well, this isn't exactly what I had in mind. You feel like talking? HALEY: Why, is that what the doctors told you? To try and get me to talk? NATHAN: I just thought you might want to talk to me. Tell me about something you still love...Or about something you hate... anything. HALEY: I hate traffic. (Haley leaves the car, Nathan joined her) NATHAN: You know what? You're right. It is a perfect day for a walk. CLOTHES OVER BROS Brooke comes in the store. BROOKE: Victoria? Alexander? Millicent? (They leave the hall to half undressed) BROOKE: Really! Please tell me Millicent is not in there, too. VICTORIA: Nope. She's in New York. And unfortunately, honey, I think I need to start thinking about going back, as well. BROOKE: Why? VICTORIA: Well, because the men's line is finished, and, uh, the offices to our multimillion-dollar company are in New York. BROOKE: Well, what about your cub? ALEXENDER: I want to run Clothes For Bros. I designed it, and...We designed it, and... and no one can sell it better than me. BROOKE: You want to run Clothes For Bros. ALEXENDER: That's right. And, um...I want to run it from New York.With Victoria. CLUB TRIC Alex tells his false history of love with Josh. ALEX: It's all a lie. Me and Josh, our relationship. See, he kind of made this s*x tape of us, and I thought if we were together, maybe it wouldn't look so bad. CHASE: Yeah, I've seen it. You're prettier in person. ALEX: Well, I just... I want someone stable, you know? Someone who's normal and reliable and has, like, a regular job. CHASE: Like a bartender? ALEX: You're flirty like me. I like that. But you have a girlfriend. A famous, gorgeous, rock-star girlfriend. CHASE: Had...as in not anymore. Cheers. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley is on the telephone. HALEY(at phone): Oh, I was thinking about the finality of it all. How somebody can leave your world in the blink of an eye and be gone forever. It's...it's too enormous to think about. It's too hard. And then we're just supposed to go on, right? Like, just...Deal with it. I mean, really you're supposed to be sad for about as long as the flowers last, and then, oh, time to go back to telling jokes and reminiscing about the old days. I don't have any jokes to tell. As a matter of fact, I hope I never hear another joke as long as I live. And the old days are just... that. They're old days that are... gone. MARINA Nathan and Haley sat with the table where they made the first class of tutorial. NATHAN: Check it out. "You can just score your touchdowns, Mr. big shot, because math don't care and neither do I." HALEY: It's not gonna change anything, Nathan. Whatever prize you find in that box is not gonna fix me. NATHAN: Why not? It fixed me. NALEY'S HOUSE Nathan looks at a match of basketball while folding the linen. Brooke comes to take its news. BROOKE: Hey! NATHAN: Hey! BROOKE: What's going on? NATHAN: Just doing laundry. Car got towed. BROOKE: Car got towed? NATHAN: Yeah, it's a long story. I got it back. Check it out. These are my son's pants. The guy sees the world from down here. I haven't had the heart to tell him that the NBA's probably not in his future. BROOKE: Oh, I don't know, dude. Spud Webb, Muggsy Bogues. NATHAN: I love it when you talk diminutive NBA point guards. So has Julian heard about Wasatch yet? BROOKE: No. And how do you know about that? NATHAN: I ran into him yesterday. That's all he could talk about. BROOKE: Well, he hasn't heard, but I did see a rough cut of the movie and it's really good. NATHAN: Nice. BROOKE: How's Haley? NATHAN: Oh, she's pretty much the same as last week. The doctors say that depression is different for everybody, but... one day she might just... feel better. They just don't know when that day will be. BROOKE: Well, let's hope that day's today. NATHAN: Yeah. BROOKE: How are you and Jamie? NATHAN: I'm doing okay. I mean, I know she's not herself, but Jamie's struggling with it. He doesn't understand why his mom is not his mom anymore. His whole life, she's been nothing but consistent and sweet. And he can't be too thrilled about his dad turning all of his socks pink. BROOKE: You got to separate the colors from the whites, buddy. NATHAN: Yeah. BROOKE: Other than that, I'm proud of you. You're exactly what Haley needs right now. NATHAN: Well, she's always been everything to us. Now it's time for us to be her everything. In sickness and in health, right? For better or worse. CLINN'S HOUSE Clay looks at it video of his marriage with Sara. PRIEST: For better or for worse, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, until death do you part? SARA: I do. RIVERCOURT Quinn and Jamie seek the next clue. JAMIE: Where do you think we should look? QUINN: I don't know. You check the bleachers, I'll look over here. JAMIE: Okay! You find anything yet? QUINN: Not yet! You? JAMIE: No...Wait! Over here! I found another one! "Another clue is waiting near. First you must get past the fear. Not on a hill or up a mountain, make a wish into the... " QUINN: The what? JAMIE: It doesn't say. "Not on a hill or up a mountain, make a wish into the... "Fountain! People make wishes in the fountain! QUINN: Yes! JAMIE: But which one? "First you must get past the fear... "Fear." QUINN: The River! It's the Cape Fear River! JAMIE: The fountain! Come on, Aunt Quinn! Hurry! CLUB TRIC Julian joins Alex and Chase with the bar. ALEX: Hey. Tell me you're here to celebrate. JULIAN: Nope. At this point, more people are gonna see your s*x tape than this movie. ALEX: First of all, don't be mean. Second of all, shouldn't you be editing? JULIAN: I'm taking a break. ALEX: No, you're pouting, is what you're doing. Just like good old chase here. JULIAN: What are you pouting about? And I'll take a beer. I've heard about your mixed drinks. CHASE: First of all, don't be mean. Second, I'm pouting because of this. JULIAN: "I don't think it's fair to you that I'm on the road most of the year and that my schedule changes all the time. It's not fair to either of us. I wish things were different, but they aren't. I'm sorry." Mia broke up with you by text message? CHASE: Mia broke up with me over a series of text messages. JULIAN: Texting's evil, man. I got this theory that if the phone was invented after texting, we'd all be like, "this is amazing! You can actually hear their voice!" And nobody would text. CHASE: Yeah, it's not so much the texting part, but the break-up part that bothers me. JULIAN: I'm sorry. That's too bad. Mia's a rock star. Literally. ALEX: A really fine rock star. I'd totally sleep with her. CHASE: Can you guys just drink your drinks and go? ALEX: I'm sorry. It's hard to date someone in the entertainment industry. I mean, we're mostly gypsies, you know? We're never home. We're all needy as hell. JULIAN: Where is she right now, anyway? CHASE: I don't even know. Paris... Spain. ALEX: Tric. (Mia is of return downtown) MIA: Hi. FOUNTAIN Quinn and Jamie seek the third clue. JAMIE: Do you see it? QUINN: Not yet. JAMIE: Maybe this is the treasure. QUINN: That's other people's wishes! Put it back! JAMIE: Sorry. Look! There! QUINN: Ah, yes! JAMIE: Oh, man, we're gonna get soaked! QUINN: No, you're gonna get soaked. JAMIE: Maybe not. (Jamie takes an umbrella in a kiosk of with dimensions) QUINN: Nice. You are a genius. (Jamie and Quinn remove clothing to seek the index in the fountain) QUINN: You ready? JAMIE: Yeah. GUARD: Hey! Get out of that fountain! QUINN: Hurry! Come on! JAMIE: I got it! It's a clue! QUINN: Come on! NALEY'S HOUSE Haley is at phone. HALEY (at phone): I have to tell myself to just be happy, but... I don't feel happy. And when I try to change it, when I try to remember what being happy felt like, I... can't. I...Don't feel joy, I don't feel inspired. I feel numb. CLOTHES OVER BROS Brooke arrives at the store with Haley. Victoria is already here. BROOKE: Hi. VICTORIA: Hi, darling. Hello, Haley. HALEY: The last time I saw you, you were ruining my sister's exhibit. VICTORIA: Oh, look at you go. But you know you're talking to the queen of mean, sister. So you're gonna have to do better than that. BROOKE: Mom. HALEY: I'm gonna be outside. VICTORIA: Haley. Haley, listen to me. I know you're in a great deal of pain right now, but I also know that you're aware of the choices you're making. So I want you to listen to me, and then you can say something snarky or dismissive and be on your way. But, please, sit. Please. Come on. Please. (They sit down) VICTORIA: Your mother was proud of you. And it would break her heart to know that her beautiful, kind, inspiring daughter was suffering like this. I know that because I'm a mother. And so are you. Now, our lives are difficult, and our loss unbearable sometimes. So grieve...and struggle, and you find your way back on your own terms and in your own way. But remember this...your mother would want you to be vibrant and inspiring in the face of her losing her. She'd want you to fight your pain with all you've got. Because that's the daughter that she raised. That's the daughter that she loved. BOAT WITH THE ABANDONMENT Quinn and Jamie try to find clue. JAMIE: "Every castle has a moat, every pirate has a boat. Find the clue near tugboats red, in the ship that's sleeping dead." "Sleeping dead." I'd say that boat is sleeping dead. QUINN: Oh, yeah. Be careful! Goof. CLUB TRIC Chase and Mia talk outside. CHASE: When'd you get back? MIA: About an hour ago. Miranda needs help running the label while Haley's not feeling well. And I wouldn't have a career if it weren't for Red Bedroom, so I told them I wanted to help out. CHASE: I'm sure they appreciate it. So, you'll be around here for a while. MIA: I think so. Yeah. CHASE: That's good. MIA: You got to delete those texts. CHASE: Yeah. I did. MIA: No, you didn't. CHASE: How do you know? MIA: Because I know you. You've been sitting around reading the same words over and over, and it's not good for you. CHASE: I don't know how it happened, so I keep reading what we said...well, what we wrote...Hoping that when I get to the end, maybe the ending will be different. But...It's always the same. MIA: Does it help if I say I care about you and I always will? CHASE: Nope. It just reminds me how beautiful you are. And that just kind of makes it worse. MIA: It'll be okay. By the way, who's running the bar right now? It's Alex who is bartending. ALEX: I could totally get used to this bartending thing. Check it out. (She makes fall glass from beer) JULIAN: Nice. Nice. ALEX: So, what's the big deal about this film festival anyway? JULIAN: It'll help us sell the film. ALEX: Which you're gonna do because it's good, but let's play "worst case scenario." What happens if the film doesn't sell? Then what? JULIAN: I get some rope and a ladder. ALEX: Okay, normally not funny, but considering you're talking to a person who actually attempted suicide, really not funny. JULIAN: Right. Sorry. If the film doesn't sell, then all that work will amount to nothing. ALEX: Nothing. You mean like "working with your father, getting Brooke back, and saving my life" nothing? Whatever happens, this movie will always be the greatest thing that ever happened to me. It saved my life. You saved my life. And I got to watch a truly amazing director direct his first film. I'd say that amounts to a little bit more than nothing. JULIAN: Wow. You know what? You're absolutely right. Thank you, Alex. All right. I got to go work on our movie. BOAT WITH THE ABANDONMENT Jamie found the last clue in the boat. JAMIE: I found it! QUINN: What? JAMIE: It's in this bottle. QUINN: Nice work, buddy! Stand back while I break it. Watch your eyes. JAMIE: Okay. QUINN: Okay, let me get it. Here. JAMIE: "In your hands this final clue, if you know just what to do. Place it with the other three, and the treasure you will see." I don't get it. QUINN: Well, remember the design on the back? JAMIE: It's a map! QUINN: Mm-hmm. There's the Rivercourt, the fountain, and the sleeping boat. I know where the treasure is. Come on! CLINN'S HOUSE Clay looks in the businesses of Sara. He receives a call. CLAY: Hello? BRIDGE CLOSE TO THE BEACH Clay arrives and sees Katie, fixed on the bridge, lends to jump. He addresses himself to a police officer. POLICEMAN: Do you know this woman? CLAY: Yeah, she's my wife. RED BEDROOM RECORDS Grubbs enters with his bags to the hand. MIRANDA: What's this? GRUBBS: I'm going with you. MIRANDA: Michael... GRUBBS: I know it's only been a few weeks. I feel like you could love me, and I know that I could love you. MIRANDA: Michael, listen to me. You have a record to finish, and I have a life to live, and that's okay. I have to leave, and you have to stay. GRUBBS: You're wrong. You have to go. I don't have to stay. I want to go with you. MIRANDA: But you don't understand! I don't want you to come! I'm sorry, Grubbs. Goodbye. DRILL Jamie and Quinn seek the exact position of the treasure. JAMIE: It's got to be around here somewhere. QUINN: I don't know, Jame. Maybe we're in the wrong spot. JAMIE: Look! Treasure! QUINN: Yes! JAMIE: Come on. (Jamie starts to dig with his shovel) NALEY'S HOUSE Nathan looks at the invoices of telephone. He is astonished. BRIDGE CLOSE TO THE BEACH Clay tries to talk with Katie. KATIE: You told me to never come back. CLAY: I know I did. But I was wrong. I'm... I'm just gonna be here, okay? KATIE: I'll jump. I mean it. CLAY: No, you won't. You wouldn't have jumped off that bridge in college if I hadn't been there to hold your hand. KATIE: You said you didn't believe me. CLAY: I was just afraid of loving you again. The way that I used to and the way that I still do. KATIE: Tell me you love me, Clay. Tell me you love me and that you believe me. Please. Or I'll jump. CLAY: Don't. Okay? Sara, don't leave me again. I love you. Just take my hand...and we can be together. Please? On the count of two? One... two. It's okay. You're okay. See? I finally have you back. (The police officers can now encircle Katie) KATIE: No! Stop it! Clay! CLAY: It's okay, Katie. They're gonna help you. KATIE: Wait. You called me Katie. But I'm Sara! You said you loved me! CLAY: No, Katie. I love Quinn. Sara's gone. DRILL Jamie tries to leave the treasure. QUINN: Yes! JAMIE: Oh, yeah! We found it! QUINN: No, you found it. It's all yours. JAMIE: Really? QUINN: Open it up. JAMIE: Oh, I wish mom was here. QUINN: Me too. JAMIE: Oh. Treasure! Oh, it's so cool! Look at all those dimes. Oh, this is crazy! QUINN: Sweet! JAMIE: Cool. QUINN: Look at this one. Yeah! JAMIE: I don't think we should keep it. QUINN: Why not? JAMIE: Well. I was thinking...The Goonies wanted to save their homes. That's why they needed the treasure. So, maybe someone needs this more than I do. Having a home is important. QUINN: I think that's wonderful. But are you sure there's not anything you want to keep? JAMIE: Um... maybe just one thing. I just want mama to be okay. That's all I want. QUINN: Me too. Come on, let's get this buried again. CLOTHES OVER BROS Brooke talks with her mother. BROOKE: It's nice, isn't it? I remember when you found out I was opening this store. You were not very happy. And you like it here. VICTORIA: In Tree Hill? Please. I like being near my daughter. BROOKE: Yeah, if that's your story. So, be honest with me. Should I let Alexander run Clothes For Bros? VICTORIA: No, you should let Millicent run Clothes For Bros. Alexander's a designer. He should be designing. BROOKE: Have you told him that? VICTORIA: I thought I'd tell him in the next few days. Why spoil the next few nights? BROOKE: Maybe you're afraid of committing to him. Of having him in New York and in your world every day. Of falling in love. VICTORIA: He's a boy, Brooke. No one's falling in love. BROOKE: He is. I'm gonna miss this. The best part about this company has been building it with you. Spending time with you. I used to dream about it. Thank you, mom. VICTORIA: Thank you. My beautiful daughter. This mascara is defective! BROOKE: They're called tears, mother. You can feel them because the botox is wearing off. VICTORIA: You're such a little bitch! And I mean it in a good way. BROOKE: Alexander's a good guy...And he is a good designer, and the line wouldn't be the same without him, so I'm gonna give him the job. He'll report to you, of course, and Millicent will be the vice president. VICTORIA: You're the boss. So you really think he's... falling in love? BROOKE: I do. VICTORIA: That would be kind of nice. I'm a...I'm so proud of you. And I love you. BROOKE: And I love you, too. See you soon. VICTORIA: Okay. RED BEDROOM RECORDS Grubbs plays a piece. Miranda, other with dimensions of the part, intends him to play and leave without him to say goodbye. RIVERCOURT Quinn hung the chart of the treasure to balloons so that it flies away. Jamie will launch them. QUINN: There you go. JAMIE: Thank you, Aunt Quinn. QUINN: For what, handsome? JAMIE: For all of this. I know you did it all for me, and it was one of the best days I ever had. Thank you. I love you. QUINN: Mm, I love you, too. We all do. Okay, you ready? BRIDGE CLOSE TO THE BEACH Katie is arreted. Clay speaks with a police officer. CLAY: There's a journal that my wife used to keep. It pretty much documents our life together, and it's missing. I'd like to have it back. (Clay sees passing the balloons that Quinn and Jamie launched in the sky) RED BEDRROM RECORDS Mia comes to see Grubbs who plays piano. MIA: Hi. I'm Mia. I'm gonna be around for a while helping to run the label. GRUBBS: Miranda told me. MIA: Why don't we start by, um, listening to your record? GRUBBS: Sure. But I'm gonna need a second. I... just had my heart broken. MIA: Yeah, me too. CLUB TRIC Chase closes Tric and deletes the message that Mia sent to him about their rupture. NALEY'S HOUSE Quinn joins Nathan in the room. NATHAN: Hey! QUINN: Jamie's asleep, and I think Haley is, too. You okay? NATHAN: Your mom had a cell phone. Do you know where it is? QUINN: Yeah, it's in a box of stuff at the gallery. Why? BRULIAN'S HOUSE Julian returns to the house, Brooke is here. BROOKE: You were out late. JULIAN: I was watching the movie again. BROOKE: And? JULIAN: It's a good film. I like it. And the wardrobe is unbelievable. BROOKE: Really? (Julian receives a call) BROOKE: Imagine that. The Wasatch Valley Film Festival. JULIAN: Hello? QUINN'S GALERY Quinn and Nathan discover that Haley called on the phone of her mother. RESPONDER: You have 27 messages. First message. HALEY (at responder): Hi, mom. It's me. CLINN'S HOUSE Clay looks at the diary of his wife. HALEY (at responder): I know you're gone...and you're not coming back, but...I was just thinking, maybe...somehow I could see you again or be able to talk to you or hear your voice. NALEY'S HOUSE Jamie puts on the bed of his mother a pretty drawing with the star which he kept. HALEY (at responder): I snapped at Jamie today again. And he didn't deserve it, and I don't know why I did it. I just did. He deserves better than who I am right now. And so does Nathan. QUINN'S GALERY Nathan is astonished by the remarks that Haley in his messages holds. HALEY (at responder): Every day we ignore how truly broken this world is, and we tell ourselves it's all going to be okay. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley is at the edge of the swimming pool and this time, she is dropped really in the swimming pool. HALEY (at responder): But it's not gonna be okay. I know that now. And when you know that, it's no going back. End of the episode.

Plan: A: an increasingly depressed Haley; Q: Who is Nathan struggling to reach? A: Quinn; Q: Who leads Jamie on a treasure hunt? A: Julian; Q: Who shows his finished film to Brooke? A: Clay; Q: Who is forced to deal with Katie? Summary: Nathan struggles to reach an increasingly depressed Haley, while Quinn leads Jamie on a Tree Hill treasure hunt. Julian shows his finished film to Brooke, and Clay is forced to deal with Katie. This episode is named after a song by If These Trees Could Talk .

[Title: The Year 2007] Narrator: It was a quiet november afternoon in 2007. [The Apartment - Ted] Narrator: I was working from home, because, you know, no distractions. (Baney get into the apartment, and Marshall get out of his bedroom, at the same time) Barney: This is incredible! Marshall: (At the same time) Oh my God! I can't believe it! Barney: I have big news! Marshall: (At the same time) Oh my God! Barney: Okay. My thing's pretty huge. But fine, you can go first. Marshall: Okay, I just found out... Barney: I just find a porno starring Ted Mosby! Ted: What are you... What you're talking about? Barney: I'm talking about welcome to the s*x plane, and look who plays the navigator, Ted Mosby (He shows a porno dvd) Ted: Oh, it's the same exact spelling as my name. Marshall: Okay, you know, cute coincidence, Barney. Whatever. I just got on the phone with the NR... Ted: Oh my God. This totally explains the thing at my doctor's the other day. [Flashback - At the doctor's - Ted/Ted doctor's]The doctor: Open wide. I guess you're more used to saying that hearing it, huh, Ted Mosby? [End Flashback]Ted: Who is this guy? And why my doctor watching p0rn? Barney: All right. Let's meet your new doppelganger. Or should I say doppel banger. Marshall: Guys, guys, guys! Can I tell my news? It's pretty... Ted: This is really bizarre. The only other famous Mosby I know was a confederate general during the civil war. Barney: Probably not the same guy. Marshall (yelling): I got the job at the NRDC. Ted: You got the job! Oh, yeah! [Pictures and vid of the Environment] Narrator: The NRDC, or natural ressources defense council, fought for preserve american clean water, fresh air and to preserve's america's wilderness. It was Marshall's dream job. [The Apartment - Ted/Marshall/Barney - He watchs "Welcome to the s*x place" a p0rn] Ted: Congrats, buddy. Marshall: Thanks. It's kind of weird hugging with p0rn on. Ted: Yeah, it really is. Barney: Oh, hey, hey-o. New guy entering the cockpit. Could it be the navigator, Ted Mosby. Ted: Uh, no. No, navigators have three stripes on their hats. Captains have four. That guy's a captain. Barney: Yeah, and I'm sure complete accuracy in all those details was very important to the directors... "Dirt and skank, the raunch brothers". (Lily and Robin come in) Marshall: Baby, I have some exciting news. Lily: I hope it's not that you just won some sort of race here. Marshall: I got the job at the NRDC. Lily: Wow. Barney: And I found a porno starring Ted Mosby. Lily (to Marshall): Oh my God, that's amazing! Barney: I know, right? Robin: Oh, congratulations, Marshall! Barney: Congratulation for us all. Lily: Oh, let's go celebrate. Barney: The fact that I found a porno starring a guy named Ted Mosby... Let's do it! Robin: Oh, is that him? Cause that Ted Mosby really knows what he's doing. Ted: No, that's not him. What do you mean, "that" Ted Mosby really knows what he's doing? Robin: Oh, no! No, I meant, that Ted Mosby, he really knows what he's doing. Like all Ted Mosbys. (to Marshall) Wow, NRDC! Way to go, Marshall. Lily: But you're still gonna go to your job interview today, right, baby? Narrator: Marshall had an interview (Picture of a building) at a firm called Nicholson, Hewitt and West. (Video of a factory unit) They represented, well, pretty much everybody Marshall was going to sue (Video of a tree in the process of uproot) once he started at the NRDC. (The Apartment) Marshall: I'm not doing that interview. Those people are evil. Lily: Marshall, your dad went through a lot of trouble to set this up. You can't just pull out at the last second. Robin: Apparently you can. Barney: Ted, Ted, Ted, guy in the hat! Three stripes, ladies and gentlemen, I give you Ted Mosby, p0rn star. Robin: I know what kind of plane this is. It's a "boing". Barney: See, this is way better than Marshall's intership. Marshall: It's a real job. Ted: Who is this guy? Are we related? Do, do I look like him? Marshall: Hmm. It's hard to tell. Go, go like this. All: Oh yeah. A little bit. Yeah. Barney: More around the eyes. Robin: Oh, I do see that. ["How I Met Your Mother", credits] [The Bar - Lily/Barney/Robin/Ted] Wendy: And here's you water, in case you're dehydrated, Ted Mosby. Ted: Ah, ah, very funny, Wendy. Now we know you watch p0rn. (She leaves) This Ted Mosby must be getting kind of famous. Barney: Hmm. You're not wrong. (He looks on his phone) According to the web site, of the far superior Ted Mosby... he's been in the business three months, and he's made 125 movies. Robin: Wow. That's 42 movies a month. Who is he, Jude Law? Right? He makes a lot of movies. I mean, not so much lately, but maybe, like, two years ago, you couldn't go to a movie without... Ted: Shh. Barney Oh, hey, look, check it out. Ted Mosby did an interview in Adult Video Weekly. Ted: Adult Video Weekly? Oh, no... [Flashback - The Apartment - Ted/Lily/Marshall] (The phone ring. Ted pick up the phone) Ted: Hello? Leonard: Hi, I'm looking for Ted Mosby. It's Leonard Ross from AVW. Ted: Oh my God! (To Marshall and Lily) AVW? It's architecture vision weekly. (To Leonard) Wow. I've been reading your magazine since I was a little kid. Leonard: Well, that's a bummer. Anyway, I'm calling to interview you about your latest project. Ted: Well, I don't want to say it's my project. I mean, I'll be working with at least three partners. Leonard: Oh! Group scene. Always fun. Ted: Yeah. Yeah. I'm really looking forward to it. I mean, I know they're gonna ride me pretty hard but they're great guys. Leonard: Guys? Oh, wouah, there's a scoop. [End Flashback] Ted: That interview went on for 20 more minutes. Lily: "This project was so demanding, I can't tell you how many nights I spent bent over a table." (Marshall comes in) Lily: Oh, hey, baby, how'd the interview go? Marshall: Um, interesting. There I am in the office of Jefferson Coatsworth and I figure I'm not gonna take this job anyway, I might as well give this old b*st*rd a piece of mind. Jefferson Coastworth wasn't what I expected. [Flashback - Jefferson Coastworth's office - Marshall/Jefferson] Jefferson: Marshall, Jefferson Coastworth. Marshall: Hello. Jefferson: Dude, I am so, so psyched that you're here. Can I beer ya? Narrator: Marshall was thrown. This guy seemed nice. Of course, he wasn't. [SCENE_BREAK] [Title: Three Years Later] (Jefferson go out of a tribunal. A lot of media and photographer are here) Jefferson: Go to hell! I'd do it again! (To the media) I'm innocent. I'm innoncent. [Jefferson Coastworth's office - Marshall/Jefferson] Jefferson: Marshall, why don't you want to work at Nicholson, Hewitt and West? Marshall: Right, um, okay, Jeff, I've actually given this a lot of thought... Jeff: I'm sorry. Stop. I can't do this with a straight face. You don't want to work here. You're only here 'cause your dad went to high school with Joe Hewitt. Fact is, you just got a sweet job at the NRDC. And it's awesome. Man, I could have gone the non-profit route. I didn't. And it eats me up inside every day. I hate myself. I hate myself. [End Flashback] [The Bar - All] Barney: Oh, he is good. Classic seduction technique. Marshall: What do you mean? Barney: Oh, I use it all the time. First I buy her... and by her I mean you... a drink. Now, I'm the guy who gets her what she wants. Then I pretend to care about whatever idiotic thing she cares about. For you, that would be the enviroment. Now, I'm the great guy who shares her interests. And before you know it, you're naked in my apartment, shouting "oh-oh Bar-r-r-ne-e-y"! And by you, I mean her. Marshall: He is not trying to seduce me. He didn't even offer me the job. Barney: That comes later. At dinner. He did invite you to dinner, didn't he? [Flashback - Jefferson Coastworth's office - Marshall/Jeff] Jeff: Let me buy you a dinner. Tomorrow night. As a thank you, okay? You'll tell me all about the NRDC, and we'll charge it all to one of my evil clients. Marshall: I, you know, I don't know if... Jeff: Marshall, you know what kobe beef is? Marshall: The most expensive beef in the world. Jeff: The place I'm taking you has kobe lobster. That is lobster fed with kobe beef. [End flashback] [The Bar - All] Marshall: Oh my God. He's trying to seduce me. Robin: So are you gonna go to dinner with him? Marshall: No. No way. I promise myself to the NRDC. I'm not that kind of lawyer. Lily: Oh, you should go. I mean, you're not gonna take the job, but you might as well get a great meal out of the deal. Barney: Don't wait up. Robin: Guys, guys, guys, check this out. Ted Mosby p0rn star's bio says his hometown is your hometown. Shaker Heights, Ohio. Ted: What? Okay, this is getting creepy. Who, who is this guy? I gotta find him. Robin: Well, it's your lucky day. He's gonna be signing autographs tomorrow night in Manhattan at something called the Adult Video Expo. Lily: Hmm. Wait, are you telling me that they actually have conventions for p0rn? Barney: Affirmative. Or to put in another way... God bless America. [At the Restaurant - Marshall/Jeff] Marshall: You can really taste the beef in that lobster. Jeff: Right, listen, I know we're only here to screw over my client, who quite frankly deserves it... hum, but I gotta be able to tell the guys upstairs I gave you the spiel, okay? So, first up, starting salary. (He gives him a paper). Marshall: Okay. Here we go. This is the big number that's supposed to impress me and... (He looks at the paper) whoa, that's a BIG number. Jeff:There's also a signing bonus, uh, use of a company car, expense account, blah, blah, blah. Hey, by the way, turn around and wave to Patrick Swayze. Marshall: Hey, I'm going to, uh, try to remain cool. But you know Patrick Swayze?! Jeff: He's a client. Who do you think bought us this wine? (To Patrick) Crazy, Swayze. Cheers, buddy. Marshall: Okay, no. Jeff, this is all very impressive, but I just don't think that... Jeff: Listen, I know, I know. You are not gonna be tempted by big numbers and fancy perks. You're gonna do the noble thing, take the low-paying job at the NRDC, live off you family money. Marshall: Family money? Jeff: You do have family money, don't you? Marshall: No, hum, not that I know of. I do have an uncle who owns a, a pretty successful bait shop. Jeff: NRDC. No family money. Hum. So you don't plane on having kids? Marshall: Actually, I want to have four kids. Jeff: Well. New York public school make a lot of parents nervous, but the kids who walk out, walk out proud. Narrator: He was surely doing a tough decision. Now, kids, when I'm faced with a tough decision, I like to make a list of pros and cons. Marshall knew all cons. (We see the list. Pros: Money, Security, Swayze. Cons: Evil.) But there is one thing he didn't know, a big guy live in a pros con. [The Apartment - Robin/Lily] Robin: Lily, you're a kindergarten teacher? Lily: Yeah. Narrator: Cause Robin was about to ask Lily the one question... Robin: And you make a kindergarten teacher's salary, right? Lily: Yeah. Narrator: That Lily had been dreading for years. Robin: Well, how do you afford all of these expensive clothes? Lily: I shop the sales. There were in the closet when we moved in. I steal. I'm a criminal. I once shot a man just to watch him die. Robin: Lily? Lily: Oh, okay. Narrator: That's when Lily showed Robin her box of shame.

Plan: A: a law firm; Q: What type of company tries to recruit Marshall? A: executive Jefferson Coatsworth; Q: Who is the executive that tries to recruit Marshall? A: John Cho; Q: Who plays Jefferson Coatsworth? A: the gang; Q: Who finds out that a porn star is named after one of them? Summary: When a law firm tries to recruit Marshall, executive Jefferson Coatsworth ( John Cho ) is able to win him over, forcing Marshall to stray from his dream to save the Earth. Meanwhile, the gang finds out that a porn star is named after one of them.

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Klaus: This town was my home once. I want it back. You mean, you don't recognize me? It's been a long time, Finn. I'm Kaleb. Davina. Esther. I have come to heal our family. What could possibly be more important than the return of our mother? Our father. I saw him. He was enslaved with some spell cast by Davina. Aah! Release me. [Kaleb chanting] Let's finish this. Aagh! Elijah: Perhaps your next body will last a little longer than this one, brother. Ugh... Ohh... What do you want? I only want us to be a family, Elijah. [SCENE_BREAK] [ ELIJAH'S NIGHTMARE ] ( A girl with long, wavy brown hair and wearing a long, white dress frantically runs for safety toward a red door at the end of a hall. Elijah, shirtless and covered in blood from head to toe, slowly stalks her as she whimpers in fear and desperately tries to open the door. When the girl turns around, it is revealed that she is Hayley, who looks back at Elijah in sheer terror and continues pounding on the door to no avail. Elijah finally grabs her by the arm and turns her toward him, but it's no longer Hayley, it's Tatia. He grabs her by the hair and turns her neck toward him before vamping-out and feeding on her as she cries in protest ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Elijah awakens, still chained by his wrists in a crypt, and is confused as to what has just happened. He musters up all of his strength and yanks on his chains as hard as he can, but they won't break. Lenore/Esther calmly walks in, drinking a cup of tea ) Esther: Have you forgotten where you are, son? Save your strength. My chains don't break so easily. ( She points above his head, where a large poppet hangs from the rafters, magically preventing the chains from being broken ) Esther: Having sweet dreams? ( Elijah lunges for her, but the restraints won't allow him to get any closer ) Elijah: Get out of my head. Esther: ( smirks ) I'm not in your head, dear. You were screaming. ( Elijah glares at her ) Go ahead, get your bearings. We have much to discuss. ( Esther leaves, and Elijah once again tries to break through the chains ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CREDITS ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( Lenore/Esther has returned to the crypt, where she continues to talk to Elijah ) Esther: Who were you dreaming about ripping apart when you woke earlier? Was it your new little plaything, Hayley? Or, was it someone else? ( Elijah aggressively lunges for her, but still can't get any closer ) Esther: Oh, stop fighting, Elijah! I brought you here to listen, and you're not going anywhere until I've said my piece. Elijah: ( furious ) So speak. Esther: I want you to rejoin our family, but as a witch. I want you to leave behind the grotesque savage vampirism has made of you. Take the body of a mortal, and we can all be happy again. Start over. Elijah: You do know you're entirely demented, don't you? Esther: ( chuckles ) Am I? I'm not the one who pulls the wings off of every beautiful butterfly that he finds. ( Elijah continues to try to break through his chains ) Like the woman who flits across the edge of your nightmare. Elijah: ( angry ) Let me go. Now. ( Elijah's vampire face comes out, but Esther is unfazed ) Esther: Hmm. How quickly you slip back into your more savage self. ( Elijah looks distraught as his vampire face slips away ) The moral son I raised is now but a mask worn to hide ancient demons. Elijah: You know nothing. Esther: See, that's where you're wrong. I know more about the secrets you carry than you do. Shall I list them? I can begin with the first little butterfly you destroyed. ( Elijah's face goes pale ) The sweet young widow from our village who caught your eye when you were still human. ( Elijah shifts uncomfortably ) Ah, you remember her. Of course. How could you forget the first girl to ever steal your heart? She of mystical blood, the doppelgänger, Tatia. Elijah: ( numb ) I did nothing but love that woman until the day you took her life. Esther: ( smiles ) I know that's what you believe... which is precisely why you are here. ( she picks up a candle from the table and holds it in front of Elijah ) I need to show you the monster you really are. When I do, you will beg for salvation, and happily I shall provide it. ( Esther casts a spell on the candle, and Elijah is transported into a flashback ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLASHBACK: 10TH CENTURY MYSTIC FALLS ] ( A celebration is underway in the Mikaelsons' village, where meat is being cooked over bonfires and villagers are dancing around together, wearing festive masks. Nearby, Elijah and Esther, in her original body, watched as Tatia, wearing a forest green dress and matching mask, danced around the fire ) Esther (V.O.): It was Samhain, when we danced and killed the best of our livestock to appease the gods for a new season. ( Tatia lifted up her mask so she could smile at Elijah before Klaus grabbed her by the arm and spun her around toward him ) Esther (V.O.): All women envied her. All men wanted her. But, she only had eyes for one. ( Klaus kissed Tatia passionately, while Elijah watched sadly from the sidelines. Klaus and Tatia began to dance, but Tatia stopped when she saw Elijah was no longer watching her. Elijah went over to a nearby pig pen, where he affectionately petted and fed one of the pigs. After a moment, Tatia joined him ) Tatia: Do not tell me you came to save Loki the pig from his fate? Elijah: ( stands ) No. I'm afraid Loki the pig's fate is to be food. ( Tatia looks at him sympathetically, and Elijah smiles sadly ) Just as you are fated to love another. Tatia: ( pauses ) And you? Fated to watch from the shadows? The noble martyr? ( Elijah just stares at her, disappointed ) Fate does not dictate my heart, Elijah. ( She paces ) I was fated to throw myself on a pyre after my husband died in battle, but I did not. I chose to live. And, I chose to give my heart once more. To someone strong, protective, fierce, and yet noble, and gentle. ( She caresses his face with her hand, and Elijah takes it in his own ) I choose you, Elijah. ( Elijah smiled and went to kiss her, but she just giggled and pulled away shyly ) Tatia: ( smiles ) And you choose to have our first kiss where your mother slaughters the pigs? ( Elijah grins ) Not very romantic... ( Elijah gently grabbed her head and pulled her in for a kiss, and they made out passionately for a few moments before he pulled away ) Elijah: Perhaps we should set Loki the pig free? It seems one's fate can change, after all. ( They continued to kiss ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ PRESENT DAY: LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Esther blows out her candle, bringing Elijah out of his flashback. He stumbles as he tries to regain his bearings ) Esther: But, that was just the beginning. A brief moment of happiness. That is how it always begins. A butterfly lands upon your finger, unaware that it will lead to her tragic end. Elijah: Her tragic end came when you drained her body of blood. ( Esther closes her eyes and sighs in frustration ) All for a spell to smother the wolf within Niklaus, if my memory serves. Esther: Actually, Elijah, your memory doesn't serve you at all. You just don't realize it yet. ( She caresses Elijah's face ) But, by the time we are done here, you will. ( Elijah jerks away from her hand and glares at her angrily ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ DAVINA'S CABIN ] ( Cami and Kaleb/Kol are checking on Davina, who is still unconscious falling and hitting her head in [i]Live and Let Die, while Klaus watches from the doorway with the white oak stake in his hand )[/i] Cami: ( worried ) We should get her to a hospital. Kaleb/Kol: ( to Klaus ) Oh, hello darling. Back to huff and puff and blow the house down? Klaus: ( unamused ) You know, it's funny how often a person's sharp tongue can end up cutting their own throat. Cami: ( frustrated ) Klaus, he's just a kid. Give him a break. Kaleb/Kol: Yeah, she's right. You know, you may want to try a bit of lavender under your pillow. Does wonders for stuck-up pillocks with anger issues. Cami: Hey! Shut it. Klaus: I promised not to kill Davina, I said nothing of this insolent sod. ( Kaleb/Kol smirks at him, while Cami gets up and leads Klaus outside ) Cami: Klaus, come on. ( Klaus continues to stare suspiciously at Kaleb/Kol as she pulls him onto the porch ) A minute ago, you had the opportunity to kill your father with this thing, and you didn't. You're not going to kill this kid with it, either! ( Klaus looks into the cabin, where Kaleb/Kol is still tending to Davina ) Klaus: ( sighs ) Fine. Cami: ( relieved ) Thank you. Klaus: ( reluctantly hands her the stake and the keys ) Go get the car, let's take her to hospital. ( Cami smiles at him before she leaves. Klaus walks back into the cabin, looking as though he's come to a realization ) Klaus: ( to Kaleb/Kol ) You've got a way with words. Kaleb/Kol: Well, I've traveled. ( he stands up and walks over to Klaus ) Klaus: You seem to have crossed continents to order to weasel your way into Davina's good graces, thereby meddling in my family business. ( smiles ) Strange, isn't it? ( Kaleb/Kol smirks, but says nothing ) Unless it's your family business. You know, ever since my mother and Finn, I was wondering when you might make an appearance, Kol. Kol: ( laughs and bows dramatically ) Then the jig is up! ( Klaus smiles ) Hello, brother! Klaus: It's not that I begrudge you hitching a ride back to the land of the living. It's just that you're making all the wrong friends, brother. And I have half a mind to show you how wrong you are. Kol: ( whispers ) But you're not going to do that, are you? Because your little blonde friend told you to leave me alone. ( Klaus chuckles ) I'm curious, does she take one of those little baggies out when she takes you for a walk? Klaus: ( clearly annoyed, raises his voice ) Cami? I changed my mind, I am going to kill him after all. ( Kol smirks at him, but when Cami doesn't respond, Klaus gets worried and walks toward the car ) Cami? ( Klaus walks to the driveway, where he finds the driver's side door of his SUV open, its window smeared with blood. Furious, Klaus rushes around to the trunk, which is open and empty. Klaus realizes that Mikael took Cami ) ( After the break, Klaus is pacing around in the yard while he calls Elijah and leaves him a voicemail ) Klaus: Elijah, where are you? Mikael is loose with the stake, and Cami is a hostage, and I am weaponless and in need of reinforcement. Urgently. ( He hangs up and returns to the cabin, where Kaleb/Kol is rocking in a rocking chair ) Wake her up, tell her to get Mikael back here, now. Kol: Well, let me... let me think about that. ( taps chin thoughtfully ) No! In fact, you should probably get going, Nik. Mikael, he's probably jonesing for a restorative snack about now. It'd be a shame to find - uh, Cami, is it? - nothing more than a bloodless husk. Klaus: ( furious ) We're not done here, you and I. ( Kol just smirks at him before Klaus vamp-speeds away to find Cami. Once he's gone, Kol gets up and puts a pillow under Davina's head and brushes a lock of hair behind her ear ) Kol: ( whispers ) It's be really useful if you woke up about now. I kicked a few familial hornets' nests, and we really need to scarper. ( Kol's phone rings. He checks it, and silences it before pocketing it again. Suddenly, his nose starts to bleed. He wipes it away as his phone rings, and seeing the caller ID, he reluctantly walks out onto the porch and answers it. Back at the coven house, Vincent/Finn is on the other end of the line, doing a spell with a small pouch in a bowl ) Kol: Did you have to do that? Finn: I despise voicemail. Do you have the white oak stake? Kol: ( looks around anxiously ) Hit a bit of a snag, truthfully. Finn: ( chuckles ) Is that what you would you like for me to pass along? Kol: Tell her that I've got everything under control. I'm keeping an eye on Davina. She's working on a spell to unlink her mates from Klaus' sire line so that she can kill him without them dying, too. I'm sure the stake will come back into play when she's ready. Finn: How close is she to completing the spell? Kol: Well, she's joined Mother's linking and sire-bond spells in reverse. It's quite clever, really. Finn: ( amused ) What's she using as a binder? Kol: I'm not sure. I'm still trying to work that one out. Finn: Work harder. Mother needs Klaus alive and connected. So, may I suggest that if you can't find that stake, you either kill that girl's spell or you kill the girl. ( Kol, frustrated, makes a face ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE WOODS ] ( Mikael is dragging Cami through the woods near the Bayou ) Cami: ( scared ) Klaus will find you! Mikael: Oh, he will. But, I will be ready. Cami: How? I've seen the kind of pain that blade causes. Mikael: I have fought more pain than anyone, living or dead. ( He clutches Papa Tunde's blade in one hand ) But, once I feed, I shall be restored. ( Cami, terrified, tries to run away, but he keeps her arm in his grip ) Not you. ( He holds the blade against her neck ) You, my dear, are leverage. Once I threaten to dismember you in front of him, Klaus will hesitate. And, in that moment of weakness, I shall end him. Cami: This is crazy! The two of you, going round and round trying to kill each other? You're obsessing over the death of someone whose fatal flaw is that he was fathered by another guy! Mikael: ( enraged ) Hush! You are the enabler of the weak! No wonder he seeks your company. ( He pauses, but doesn't let go of Cami ) I hear music. And, where there's music, there's food. ( He drags her farther through the woods, where they come upon a group of several dozen people, all of whom are wearing various Halloween masks and partying around a large bonfire. Mikael grabs Cami by the head and forces her to look at them ) Mikael: Well, well, well, well... What have we here? ( pauses ) Hillbilly Halloween. Oh, perfect. ( He drags a struggling Cami toward the crowd ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ DAVINA'S CABIN ] ( Davina is still unconscious, so Kaleb/Kol takes the opportunity to looks around at Davina's notes on the spell she's creating. He finds a root pinned to a page and takes it down to look at it ) Kol: ( mutters ) You used Kandahar root as a binder. Now, where'd you find that? ( He grips the root and closes his eyes to cast a spell on it. As he quietly whispers the spell, the root begins to turn black as if it's dying. Suddenly, Davina awakens and looks around in confusion before wincing and touching the injured part of her head. Kaleb/Kol comes out and sits down across from her to check on her ) Davina: ( weakly ) What happened? Kaleb/Kol: Davina, you're awake! I was starting to freak out, are you okay? Davina: ( rubs the back of her skull ) My head... ( She suddenly remembers what happened before she was knocked out ) ...Klaus? Kaleb/Kol: ( plays dumb ) Angry bloke with the deadly aim? Yeah, he smashed the place up, and then he left. Davina: ( horrified ) Where'd he go? Kaleb/Kol: To hunt down your pet-serial-killer-friend. Listen, not to be Mr. Judgmental here, but I'm starting to question the company that you keep. Davina: ( paces anxiously ) The white oak stake? Kaleb/Kol: ( frowns ) It's gone, I'm afraid. The serial-killer one took it. Davina: ( overwhelmed, grabs her bracelet ) Mikael? Mikael? Mikael? ( frantic ) Why isn't this working? Kaleb/Kol: ( leads her back to her chair ) Sit down, alright? You were out for quite a long time. Maybe that's got something to do with it. ( He pours her a glass of water from a pitcher ) Here, have some water. Davina: No, you don't understand! If Mikael's free, he can kill Klaus, and then my friends die, too! Kaleb/Kol: Well, if I understand all this, Mikael's been trying to kill Klaus for eons. How are you going to stop him? Davina: ( thinks for a moment and shakes her head ) I'm not. I need to finish my spell, now. [SCENE_BREAK] [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] ( Hayley arrives to see Marcel, who is pouring himself a drink at his bar ) Hayley: So, those werewolf kids you helped get out of the Quarter made it to the safe house up north. ( She smiles at him ) Marcel: Great! My good deed for the decade. ( He hands her a drink, but she politely declines it ) Hayley: ( holds up a hand ) No, I'm good. Maybe the vampires and us free wolves can work together after all. Marcel: ( smiles ) The enemy of my enemy is my friend! ( he sips his drink ) Hayley: Anyway, thanks... for helping. Marcel: ( shakes his head ) Don't thank me. Thank Elijah. Hayley: ( frowns ) I would have, but I can't get a hold of him. I went to the compound, thinking he'd be there... Marcel: ( surprised ) Really? I thought you always have tabs on him? Hayley: ( quiet ) I mean, we haven't really been on the best terms lately. He wouldn't just disappear, though. Marcel: ( brainstorms ) Uh, last I knew, he was gonna keep the wolves distracted. Your boy Oliver was gonna help. Hayley: ( worried ) I couldn't track down Oliver, either. ( Marcel frowns in concern ) If they're both missing... ( Hayley realizes that Elijah must be in trouble, and turns to leave ) Marcel: Where you goin'? Hayley: To find them. Marcel: Not on your own, you're not. ( Marcel sets down his drink and rushes after Hayley as she walks out of the apartment ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Elijah is dozing off upright when Lenore/Esther returns to the crypt where he's being held ) Esther: You're hungry, aren't you? It's been hours since you fed. What an awful thing, to feed upon the blood of others. For this, I blame myself. And your father. We tried to make you children strong. But, instead, we cursed you all. [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLASHBACK: 10TH CENTURY MYSTIC FALLS ] ( Elijah flashes back to right after the Mikaelsons were turned into vampires, and after Klaus triggered his werewolf gene. Klaus sat in the forest, shirtless and covered in blood, surrounded by the dismembered corpses of several men. Elijah found him and looked at him with sympathy as Klaus struggled to hold back tears ) Elijah: Brother? ( He hands Klaus fresh clothes ) Klaus: What am I...? How many...? Elijah: ... Six. ( Klaus covers his face with his hands in horror ) You slaughtered six villagers, brother. You tore them apart as though they were nothing at all. ( Elijah helps Klaus to his feet ) Klaus: ( whispers ) Brother, what have I become? Elijah: You seem like the wolves in the village, cursed to turn when the moon is full. ( Elijah pulls Klaus into a hug ) Listen to me. Father is beside himself with rage. It seems this... affliction... can only be passed by a certain kind of conception... Klaus: ( sniffling ) ...And do our siblings share this affliction? Do you share this affliction? Elijah: ( hesitates before shaking his head ) No. I don't. Klaus: He is not my father, is he? Elijah: ( heartbroken ) You listen to me. This changes nothing. For any of us. We are here for you, as we shall be always. ( Klaus looks as though he's about to cry. Suddenly, they hear the sound of someone approaching. It's Tatia, who sees Klaus covered in blood and surrounded by bodies and quickly becomes terrified. Elijah, flustered, chases after her ) Elijah: Tatia! Tatia? Tatia! [SCENE_BREAK] [ PRESENT DAY: LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Elijah glares at Lenore/Esther as he returns from his flashback ) Elijah: I fail to see your point, here. I compelled Tatia to forget what she saw, and she did. Esther: You'd only been a vampire for a few days. You hadn't yet learned compulsion. Elijah: ( shakes head in disbelief ) No. I remember that. Clearly. Esther: Do you? You thought there were still lines you wouldn't cross. ( Elijah stares at her, distraught ) People you wouldn't hurt. Things you wouldn't do. But, you're wrong. That is what I'm here to show you. [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLASHBACK: 10TH CENTURY MYSTIC FALLS ] ( Elijah continued to chase after Tatia, who was frightened and fleeing from him. She eventually trips and falls on the ground, allowing Elijah to finally catch up to her ) Elijah: Tatia! Tatia! Tatia! Wait! Wait. Tatia: ( stands and backs away from him ) Stay away from me. Elijah: ( holds his hands up non-threateningly ) I won't hurt you! Tatia: ( incredulous ) What have you become? Elijah: I'm what I've always been! I'm the one who loves you. ( Tatia shakes her head, clearly scared ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ PRESENT DAY: LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] Esther: You knew how special she was! I always thought you would protect her. That she would be your wife, that one day I might call her daughter! Instead... Elijah: ( interrupts ) I didn't hurt her! Esther: You've taught yourself to hide from who and what you are for a thousand years! Elijah: ( yanks on his chains ) I did not hurt Tatia! I could not. Esther: But you did! [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLASHBACK: 10TH CENTURY MYSTIC FALLS ] Tatia: ( stunned ) Your mother asked for my blood. She said nothing of the dark magic that would turn you into a monster! Elijah: ( hurt ) Look at me, I'm not a monst... ( He stopped, unable to finish the words, because he saw and smelled the blood that is pouring from a wound on Tatia's palm, which she sustained when she fell earlier. He tried as hard as he could to resist it, but his vampire face came out involuntarily. He breathed deeply, and it faded ) Elijah: Tatia... [SCENE_BREAK] [ PRESENT DAY ] ( Lenore/Esther takes Elijah's face in her hands and forces him to look at her ) Esther: Oh, my beautiful boy. No more hiding. It is time, now, for you to remember it all. [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLASHBACK ] ( Tatia, scared, slapped Elijah across the face in hopes of protecting herself ) Elijah: ( bent over ) I said I will not hurt you. I don't want to... ( His vampire face came out again, and his eyes turned red as his fangs came down. Tatia backed away, terrified ) Tatia: Elijah...? Elijah: ( distraught ) Run. ( Tatia backed away and turned to run, but Elijah chased after her, unable to resist her blood ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ PRESENT DAY ] Esther: You didn't want to hurt her. You loved her. [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLASHBACK ] ( Elijah grabbed hold of Tatia and pulled her head back to expose her neck as Tatia yelped and struggled against him ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ PRESENT DAY ] Esther: But, you couldn't fight what you had become. What I had turned you into! [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLASHBACK ] ( Elijah bit Tatia's neck and fed on her as she screamed in pain ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ PRESENT DAY ] Esther: A predator. And she became your prey! ( Elijah yanks himself out of Esther's grasp and glares at her ) Elijah: This was you. You murdered her for her blood. And then, you used it to cripple Klaus for centuries. ( Esther just stares at him, blank-faced, as Elijah steps backward and continues to pull on his chains ) I won't listen to another word. Esther: You don't have to listen, son. All you have to do is remember. [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE WOODS ] ( Klaus has just made it to where Cami and Mikael had stopped earlier. He sees a smear of blood on a nearby tree and follows it, which leads him to the "Hillbilly Halloween" bonfire. When he gets there, he finds all of the party-goers standing completely still and silent in their masks, presumably compelled by Mikael ) Party-goer 1: Did you honestly think to hold me with a blade forged from pain? Party-goer 2: Unlike the weak, unlike you, I gain strength from pain! Party-goer 1: Soon, you will know the taste of white-oak as it pierces your heart. Klaus: ( amused ) It's very clever, Mikael! Compelling the locals to say to my face what you dare not? Enjoy the theatrics! They only delay the inevitable. ( Party-goer 2 attacks Klaus, but he easily disarms and kills him. The other compelled guests quickly follow, and Klaus quickly kills them, as well ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ DAVINA'S CABIN ] ( Davina is poring over the notes she has pinned to the wall, while Kaleb/Kol looks through other notes nearby ) Kaleb/Kol: Um, perhaps we should hold off on this... Davina: ( turns toward him ) No, I have everything I need! Combine a knotting spell with a sire-bond spell. ( She looks through her things ) I just have to combine them the right way. Kaleb/Kol: And do them in reverse. That's pretty advanced for a wee girl like you. Davina: ( takes the page from him ) You know, I can give you a list of people who have underestimated me. ( Kaleb/Kol smirks ) Not one of them has done it a second time. Kaleb/Kol: Well, perhaps I should help you. I'm pretty good at stuff like this. Davina: ( chuckles ) I don't think so. It's not just saying the spells backwards, it's changing the verb tense into... Kaleb/Kol: ( interrupts ) Nemo anus animabus caenum sanguino duesto duo. ( Davina looks impressed ) Like I said, I'm good at what I do. It's never paid to underestimate me, either. Davina: Okay. Let's do this. ( Davina leads Kaleb/Kol into the next room. He watches her, and smiles ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ ABANDONED BUILDING ] ( Mikael has dragged struggling Cami into a run-down building ) Cami: ( furious ) I used to try to convince Klaus that there was good in everyone, that you really did care about him, deep inside, once. ( Mikael throws her onto the floor ) He told me I was naive, that I could never fathom how deep your hatred ran. Mikael: I didn't always hate him. When Klaus was born, I was overjoyed. I thought, "This one... this one has the eyes of a warrior. He will be worthy." But, my hope was short-lived. And, when I found out that he wasn't really my son, my relief was GLORIOUS. But, that passed with the knowledge that he was begat of a beast. Cami: His mother's infidelity was not his fault! Mikael: Everything that followed was because of Niklaus' obsession with the wolves! He ventured out to watch them turn under the full moon, and he took my youngest son, Henrik. He was but a child, and he was torn apart. Cami: It was an accident! Mikael: ( enraged ) An accident? AN ACCIDENT? HE MURDERED MY WIFE! HIS OWN MOTHER! Who sought to cleanse him of his beast-like nature! He betrayed me. He turned my entire family against me! And yet, you defend him? Cami: ( stands to her feet, overwhelmed with anger ) I have desperately tried to convince him not to kill you! That the bloodshed in your family does not have to be an endless cycle! ( Mikael pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration, but she continues to yell louder ) And, after centuries on this earth, do you really not see that all of your violence is POINTLESS? ( It looks like Mikael is crying, but, in fact, he's actually laughing ) Mikael: ( giggling maniacally ) Let me hazard a guess: you are one of these alienists, right? Cami: ( angrily wipes away her tears ) We're called therapists these days, and, to be honest, you could do with some couch time. Mikael: Actually, my dear, since ( he winces ) my wound does not appear to be healing, what I could do with right now is some food. Cami: ( scared, backs away from him ) You... you said you wouldn't! Mikael: Yes, I did, didn't I? And although the blood of a full belly makes for good fodder ( he vamps-out ) in times of need, even the devil eats flies. ( He hisses and bites down on her neck as Cami screams in terror and pain ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE WOODS ] ( It's daylight, now, and Klaus is feeding on the bodies of the recently dead partiers. There is one partier left alive, who stumbles as he tries to attack Klaus, but Klaus simply takes his weapon and hits him upside the head with it. Suddenly, his phone rings, and Klaus reluctantly answers it. It's Hayley and Marcel, who are in the parking garage where Elijah and Oliver were attacked by Finn and his werewolves ) Klaus: ( panting ) Uh, I'm a tad busy. What is it, Hayley? Hayley: ( whispering ) Something has happened to Elijah. He was supposed to be our decoy last night, and now he's vanished. There's blood everywhere - werewolf and vampire. There's a trail. I need you to help us track it. Klaus: Well, as much as I might like to help you find my brother, I have more pressing matters as the moment. ( The partier tries to crawl toward Klaus, so Klaus kicks him in the face, knocking him backward ) Hayley: ( frustrated ) What's more important than your own brother? Klaus: My life? Davina had Mikael on a magical leash, and it broke. Now Mikael has Tunde's blade, the white oak stake, and Cami. ( At the parking garage, Marcel stands up, angry at this news ) I'm gonna get her back. ( The partier tries once again to attack Klaus, so Klaus grabs him in a choke-hold ) And then, I'm gonna end this. Either Mikael or I will be ash by day's end. ( Marcel, worried, walks toward Hayley, who is concerned as well ) And, if you do find my brother, please, tell him I could do with a hand? ( Klaus finally snaps the partier's neck and hangs up ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ DAVINA'S CABIN ] ( Davina and Kaleb/Kol are surrounded by lit candles as they sit cross-legged across from each other on the floor. They quietly chant Davina's spell ) Davina & Kaleb/Kol: Sanquiarum frantest banciarum me... Davina: ( interrupts ) Stop! Stop. This isn't working. ( Davina starts messing with the ingredients of the spell ) Kaleb/Kol: Well, maybe you're just... doing it wrong. Davina: No, we have to do this right! Josh and Marcel, their lives depend on it. ( Kaleb/Kol looks at her, concerned ) Look, just stop chanting. ( she grabs his wrists in her hands ) I'll chant and channel your power. ( When Davina touches Kaleb/Kol's arms, she gets a vision of when he cast a spell to kill the Kandahar root earlier. She looks at him suspiciously before closing her eyes again, this time flashing back to [i]Live and Let Die, when Mikael forced him to de-spell Davina's bracelet. Then, she sees a flashback of Klaus identifying him as Kol, his brother. When she returns to the present, she quickly lets go of him and stares at him in horror. Kol looks guilty )[/i] Davina: You're one of them! ( Furious, Davina uses telekinesis to throw Kol against the wall ) Davina: ( shrieks ) You liar! ( She throws him against another wall, so Kol fights back, pulling her toward him with magic before throwing her against another wall ) Kol: That hurt. ( Davina casts a pain-infliction spell on Kol, who grabs his temples in agony ) Kol: Okay, okay, okay, okay! Davina: You ruined the spell, and now my friends are gonna die because of you! Kol: My mother said, "Kill the spell, or kill her." And I happen to like you. Davina: ( furious and skeptical ) Oh, please... Kol: Listen, you don't disobey Mother Dearest without some consequences. Yes, she brought me back to life, but she's mad as a hatter. And, that man you've made your pet, my father? Well, he's more of a lunatic than she is. Davina: What, so you just unleash him? Kol: You're the one who brought him back to life first, love! Davina: I had him under control! Kol: Yeah, right up until the point you didn't, which is when he threatened me! He wanted freedom, so I freed him. You wanna know my secrets? ( he holds out his arms ) Then here you go. Go on! Have at it! Yes, I'm a Mikaelson, but I've got just as much reason to loathe the lot of them as you do. ( Davina looks at his wrists and rolls her eyes before trying to brainstorm a new plan ) Davina: ( grabs her bracelet ) You deactivated my bracelet. How? Kol: It's a dark object. I know a little something about creating and destroying them. Davina: Show me. Kol: ( relaxes ) Alright. ( Davina turns and heads into the next room ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Elijah is still chained up in a crypt, while Lenore/Esther continues to talk with him ) Elijah: You're distorting my memories! It was you who killed Tatia! Esther: Oh, I used her blood to bind the spell that suppressed Niklaus' werewolf aspect. But, by the time you brought her to me, she was already dead. Elijah: ( looks at her, horrified ) You can't rewrite history! Esther: No, I cannot. And I did not. Not until I had your consent. [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLASHBACK: 10TH CENTURY MYSTIC FALLS ] ( Esther was out by the pig pen, cleaning a knife with a cloth when Elijah approached her, carrying Tatia's dead body in his arms. Esther backed away from him, terrified ) Esther (V.O.): When you became youself again, you brought her to me. ( In flashback, Esther takes Tatia's body from him ) But, too late. I told you you were a good son, to let me take care of it. That I could help make it all go away. ( Esther dragged Tatia's body away. Elijah, absolutely devastated, fell to his knees in horror. Esther closed the wooden door to their cottage behind her, the wood stained with red blood ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ PRESENT DAY ] Esther: And then, I said to you, "You will not suffer from this memory, or be tormented from the guilt of your misdeed. What goes behind that door shall stay there and be forgotten." [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLASHBACK ] ( Esther returned to see Elijah, who is still kneeling outside the cottage. She whispered in his ear ) Esther (V.O.): I told you to clean yourself up, that if you were clean, no one would know what you are or what you'd done. ( She hands him a washcloth, which he uses to wipe the blood from his face ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ PRESENT DAY ] ( Elijah shakes his head in disbelief ) Esther: And you did exactly that... and more. You created a place in your mind to put your victims. You began to believe that as long as your suit was immaculate and your hands clean, you could look in the mirror and tell yourself it's all okay. No one need know what's behind that red door. ( Elijah flashes back to his nightmare from earlier, when Hayley/Tatia was pounding on the red door, while he stalked them, shirtless and covered in blood, before finally feeding on them ) Esther: But, a thousand years is a long time, Elijah. And a place meant to hold one unforgivable sin is now full to bursting with your most monstrous deeds. Elijah: ( overwhelmed ) STOP! Esther: How long before it's your beloved Hayley's corpse behind that door? Elijah: ( whispers ) Stop. Esther: You must be afraid that... that loving you will destroy her! As it destroyed Celeste. Tatia. Take my offer. Both of you. In new bodies, you will be alive again! You could give her a child, to replace the one she lost. Elijah: ( determined ) You will not break me. Esther: Oh, you are already broken, my dear boy, but not beyond repair. I am here to fix you. I am here to fix you all. [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE WOODS ] ( Davina and Kaleb/Kol are walking through the woods in search of Mikael ) Kol: Bleeding power from a dark object is tricky, so it does help to know what kind of object it is. Davina: The white oak stake. Kol: ( laughs patronizingly ) You want to drain the white oak stake, do you? Davina: ( shrugs ) It's a dark object. If I can't stop Mikael, I have to stop that stake from working. Kol: See, usually I like a girl with ambition, but this is just beyond mad. Davina: ( grabs him by the arm ) Just show me the spell, Kaleb! ( she pauses ) Kol, or whatever your name is. Kol: The problem's not the spell, love. It's the white oak stake. It's too powerful, you can't just drain it. Best you can hope for is to disable it, but just for a bit. ( He walks toward his car ) Davina: So, do you have a better solution? Because I don't have time to argue! So, show me the spell, and hand me the keys. Kol: ( amused ) And what are you going to do? Just drive around until you bump into them? Davina: You may have messed with my bracelet, but I made sure months ago that I would always be able to find Mikael. Kol: Alright, fine. Your funeral. I'm still not going to allow you to drive me bloody car, though. ( Davina frowns and stares at him, confused ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ ABANDONED BUILDING ] ( Klaus is still wandering around the outskirts of the Bayou, looking for Cami and Mikael. He sees a rock soaked with blood outside the abandoned building, and frowns anxiously as he touches it, realizing it's Cami's blood. He sees a shovel nearby and breaks it in half before entering the building, where Mikael is holding Cami at knife-point. Cami is weakened by blood loss and can barely stand ) Klaus: ( points his handmade stake at Mikael ) You're gonna pay for hurting her. ( Mikael carelessly lets go of Cami and drops her to the floor. Klaus watches, concerned ) Mikael: Aw, how sweet. The cur whines for its bitch. ( He holds Papa Tunde's blade in one hand, and the white oak stake in the other ) I'll be sure to drain the rest of her right in front of your eyes, just before you burn. ( Furious, Klaus leaps a dozen feet into the air and lunges at him with his makeshift stake. He tackles Mikael, but they both quickly rise to their feet in defensive positions ) ( Meanwhile, Davina and Kaleb/Kol have just arrived to the building in Kol's car ) ( Inside, Mikael has pinned Klaus against the wall, and is struggling to stake Klaus in the chest. Cami starts to come to and sees the two fighting each other. Outside, Davina and Kol have finally parked, and Kol follows her as she rushes toward the building ) ( Just as Klaus is about to be staked by Mikael, he fights back by kneeing Mikael in the gut and the face before the two begin to fight again. Klaus then tackles him, and the two bust through a concrete and brick wall into the next room. Davina is about to walk into the main room when Kol stops her ) Kol: Wait! We need to do this together. Davina: I'm strong enough on my own. Kol: No, you're not. Listen, I know you don't trust me, and that's fair enough. But, these are your mates we're trying to save, here. The only way that we can do this is if we work together. ( He grabs one of Davina's hands in his own, and holds out the other for her to take ) You need to trust me. Alright? Take my hands. Take my power. Channel me. ( In the next room, Cami struggles to pull herself to her feet while Mikael and Klaus continue to fight. She stands up weakly, just as Klaus kicks Mikael to the floor. He then straddles Mikael , and though he tries to stake Klaus while he's down, Klaus easily turns the stake on him, and musters up all his energy to break his grip to kill him ) Klaus: Not as weak as you remember, am I? ( Klaus breaks the stake out of his grip and goes to stake him, but Mikael throws Tunde's blade at Cami, forcing Klaus to vamp-speed toward her and catch it before it stabs her in the face. This gives Mikael the opportunity he needs to steal the stake back ) ( In the other room, Davina has grabbed Kol's hands and begins channeling his power for the spell. Suddenly, to Cami's horror, Mikael stabs Klaus in the chest with the white oak stake. Outside, Davina and Kol chant the spell, as the wind whips around them ) ( Mikael smirks as Klaus shrieks in pain and falls to the floor, and Cami shrieks in horror when she sees Klaus' face begin to desiccate ) Cami: NO! ( Mikael backhands her, which throws her backwards before she falls to the floor. Davina and Kol continue the spell. Mikael stares at Klaus' body, but becomes concerned when nothing happens. Cami cries in shock ) Mikael: ( growls ) Why aren't you burning? If you were dead, it would burn. BURN! ( Mikael senses Davina and Kaleb/Kol outside the room, and rushes to find them. Davina's struggling to continue the spell ) Davina: ( frantic ) I can't hold it! Kol: Just trust me! Mikael: ( appears ) Is this your doing, little witch? Then, you will undo it! Return the power to the stake! ( Inside, Cami has crawled over to Klaus' body and stares at the stake in his chest. She grabs it and tries her hardest to pull the stake out, though it barely budges ) ( Outside, Davina and Kaleb/Kol continue the spell. When Mikael comes near them, Davina lets go of one of Kol's hands and thrusts it toward Mikael, keeping him back with a pain infliction spell while continuing the spell to drain the power of the white oak stake. Meanwhile, Cami continues to try to remove the stake from Klaus' chest ) ( Kol, wanting to defend Davina, lets go of her and lunges for Mikael, but he easily throws Kol across the room and against a chainlink fence. Unable to stop him magically without Kol's help, Mikael grabs onto Davina and starts to feed on her while she screams ) ( Finally, Cami removes the stake from Klaus' chest, and color starts to return to his skin. Mikael, having just fed on Davina, rushes back into the room and finds Cami bent over Klaus' body ) Mikael: What do you think you're doing? Cami: ( sits up and holds the stake in front of her ) Stay the hell away from us! Or, I swear to God, I'll kill you myself. Mikael: ( mildly impressed ) You have a warrior's heart. Perhaps I'll keep it as a souvenir. ( Mikael is about to grab Cami when Marcel appears out of nowhere and pulls him away from her. He then starts hitting Mikael over and over so quickly that he's too disoriented to fight back right away. Mikael eventually knocks Marcel flat on his back and grabs Klaus' makeshift stake to point it at Marcel's heart ) Mikael: Now, ENOUGH! This night has been a long parade of fools. I'll enjoy killing every last one of you. ( Klaus awakens with a gasp, and Cami bravely stands on her feet. Suddenly, Hayley arrives and throws a chain around Mikael's neck and yanks on it so hard it knocks him off of his feet ) Hayley: Yeah, I wouldn't bet on it. ( She hits him in the face with the chain, and Klaus, determined, jumps to his feet. Hayley and Marcel rush over to him, and they're eventually joined by Davina. They all stand in tableau and smirk at him ) Klaus: It's over, Mikael. You're outnumbered. Are you going to beg for your miserable life? Mikael: ( laughs ) You think having people makes you strong? It proves how weak you are. Come find me when you don't have fools, women and children fighting your battles. ( He throws the scrap of wood at them and vamp-speeds away to heal. Klaus, looking relieved, just sighs ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ OUTSIDE THE ABANDONED BUILDING ] ( Kaleb/Kol sits on the hood of his car while Davina checks his wounds ) Davina: ( checks a wound on his temple ) Are you okay? Kol: Uh, a bit light-headed. Might have something to do with being knocked ass over teacup by dear old Dad. Marcel: ( approaches them and addesses Davina ) You are lucky to be alive, young lady. You wanna tell me what the hell you were thinking? Davina: Can we not do this right now? Marcel: ( annoyed ) Am I gonna embarrass you in front of your friend? ( looks at Kaleb/Kol suspiciously ) Who the hell is this guy, anyway? Kaleb/Kol: Oh, we've gotta stop meeting like this, pal. ( Marcel gives him a look, confused and still suspicious ) Davina: He's my friend, and he's helping me. Marcel: Helping you do what? Wage war on Klaus, and help me get killed in the process? Davina: ( angry ) I just saved Klaus' life trying to protect you! Marcel: Yeah, from a psycho-vampire-hunter that you brought back to life... Kaleb/Kol: ( interrupts ) Alright, enough! ( Marcel glares at him, so he backpedals ) Well, I... I think it's enough. ( Marcel continues to glare at him ) It should be enough. I mean, we're all friends here, aren't we? ( Marcel gives Davina a look that says, "Seriously?" but Davina just glares at him ) Marcel: ( to Davina ) Just stay here 'til I get back. ( Davina scowls and looks away ) I'll handle Klaus. ( Marcel walks back toward the building, leaving Davina and Kaleb/Kol by themselves ) Kol: We should get out of here. Trust me, my brother's not the forgiving kind. Even if you did help out back there, his hatred and betrayal outweighs his sense of gratitude. Davina: I'm not afraid of him. ( She pulls the white oak stake out of the inside of her jacket and shows it to him ) Kol: ( incredulous ) You out to get yourself killed? Davina: I'm out to get even with Klaus. And, you're going to help me. ( she hands him his keys ) But first, you're right: let's get out of here. ( Davina climbs into his car, and Kol hesitantly follows her ) ( Inside, Klaus is tending to Cami's wounds. She looks pale and weak as she notices the stab wound in Klaus' chest that hasn't yet healed. Klaus winces, and takes her hand ) Klaus: ( grateful ) You pulled the stake out in the nick of time. A moment longer, and I would have been done for. Cami: It's the least I could do for telling you not to kill that b*st*rd the first chance you had. Klaus: ( quietly ) Well, he hurt you. For that alone, I will kill him. ( he gently touches the bite marks on Cami's neck ) You know, in a thousand years, I think it's the first time I've seen him run. Cami: He was still weak. Hayley: ( approaches them with Marcel ) And, he knew he was outmatched. Marcel: We checked the perimeter, and he's definitely gone. Klaus: ( sighs ) I appreciate your assistance. Marcel: ( smiles ) Well, hey! You die, I die. Just call me selfish. Hayley: Yeah, you die, a lot of people die. But, Klaus... we have another problem. [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Elijah is still weakly hanging by his wrists in the crypt, kneeling on the floor, getting ever weaker as Lenore/Esther continues to taunt him ) Elijah: No more. Esther: I'm afraid we've just begun. You will hang here, remembering. Every atrocity you've hid behind that door will emerge to haunt you. And, as you grow weaker, you will be ripped of your strength, your will, your hope. And, as you rot here, alone, you will reconsider my offer. A new life. A way to be freed of your demons. A chance at peace. ( Suddenly, Hayley vamp-speeds into the crypt, biting her neck and viciously feeding on her before she falls to the floor. Hayley looks up at Elijah, blood smeared across her face ) Hayley: ( flips her hair back ) Huh! That's about enough of that, don't you think? I would have ripped her heart out, but she would have just body jumped. ( She walks toward Elijah, who slumps over weakly in relief as she attempts to break his chains. However, Esther's spell prevents the chains from being broken ) Hayley: How do I get these off? Elijah: ( looks up above him ) The doll, up there. Break it. She's using it to bind me. ( Hayley reaches up and rips down the doll before tearing it in half. She then breaks the chains binding Elijah's wrists and kneels before him to check on him ) Hayley: You need to feed. Elijah: ( turns away from her ) I can't... Hayley: You're weak. ( she bites her wrist and offers it to him ) Elijah: ( anxious ) I can't! I crave you. My hunger, it could overwhelm me. ( He gasps, trying to control himself, and looks at Hayley's bloody wrist with longing ) Hayley: ( caresses his face ) Look at me. I'm not afraid. ( They stare at each other for a moment before Hayley leans forward and begins to kiss him. They start making out, both still kneeling on the floor. After a moment, Elijah begins to have trouble resisting her blood. Hayley notices his discomfort and leans back, moving her hair to the side so she can expose her neck to him. His vampire face comes out involuntarily when he sees her pulsing carotid artery, and immediately bites on her to feed. [i]( The camera cuts to Vincent/Finn, who is kneeling in front of a sleeping Elijah, waving a hand in front of his face and revealing that the past scene was just a dream Elijah was having. His eyes are still open, as though he is catatonic ) Finn: What'd you do to him? Esther: I let him dream. Finn: ( continues to stare at Elijah ) That's... considerate of you. ( He pats Elijah on the shoulder and stands up to join his mother at the table, looking conflicted ) Esther: I cannot lead him out of darkness by simply exposing him to the horrors of his past. I have to let him bask in his version of a better world to come. ( Elijah's lip begins to twitch as we return to his dream. He has just stopped feeding on Hayley, and looks at her for a moment. Hayley pants in pleasure, but Elijah is still hungry, and his eye veins darken as he begins to feed on her again. Hayley holds onto him tightly, letting him continue ) Esther: And by the time he wakes, he will know the only way to find peace is my way. ( Esther watches Elijah dream, while Finn looks over at her, concerned )

Plan: A: her plan; Q: What does Esther want to show Elijah? A: Tatia; Q: What was the name of the woman Elijah loved? A: Amara's doppelganger; Q: What was Tatia to Amara? A: Hayley; Q: Who is determined to find Elijah? A: Klaus; Q: Who is in trouble? A: a dangerous situation; Q: What does Cami find herself in? A: Mikael; Q: Who takes Cami hostage? A: Davina; Q: Who finds out who Kaleb really is? A: his father; Q: Who does Klaus come face-to-face with? Summary: In order to show Elijah that her plan is what's best for him, Esther forces him to relive a time long ago when he loved a young woman named Tatia, Amara's doppelganger. With the help of Marcel and Gia, Hayley is determined to find Elijah, who has gone missing but is torn when she discovers that Klaus is also in trouble. Elsewhere, Cami finds herself in a dangerous situation when Mikael takes her hostage as a way to lure Klaus to him, and Davina finds out who Kaleb really is. Lastly, a violent confrontation ensues when Klaus comes face-to-face with his father.

Mr. Nash: Hey. Saying goodbye is the worst part. Ellie: Seriously Mr. Nash: I'm going to be fine, it's just a peace keeping mission Ellie: I know, but... (Looks over at her mom) Mr. Nash: Your mother's fine, she's under control. There's my girl, come on. (Starts walking towards Mrs. Nash) It'll be fine. (Kisses Mrs. Nash.) Mrs. Nash: Okay. Mr. Nash (to Ellie): You just got to keep that smile on, ok? Ellie: Bye Dad. Mr. Nash: Bye. Ellie: Mom, you okay? Mrs. Nash: Don't make a scene Eleanor, just shut up, smile and wave. (Pause) Oh, there he is! (Waves) Walking towards school Ashley: Ellie, hey, how are you? Ellie: What are you, my counselor? Ashley: Sorry, it's just that your dad left yesterday and... Ellie: He's in the army, he leaves, it happens. Ashley: So, you want to go to a movie after school? Ellie: Sweet. And I would, but I got my co-op interview. Ashley: Right. You nervous? Ellie: Interviewing for my dream job. Why would that make me nervous? Not that it matters, Paige is going to get it. Ashley: Well, Caitlin's TV show is about social issues right? Paige probably thinks it's about social life. (Imitating Paige) Hi, I'm Paige and I'm reporting for style factor. You'll get it, just be yourself. Ellie: Like that is gonna get me the job. (See hand put a rose on a locker.) Hazel: By the time Scott calls me back, I'm on the other line with Paige. Secret Admirer struck again. Terri: That's the fourth one. Hazel: And you have no idea who it is? Can't you just ask your tarot cards? Terri: Tarot doesn't work like that. But with my luck, it's probably the janitor. Hazel: Please, it could be anyone. Terri: I know who I want it to be (watches Rick walk by) Hazel: You've got the hots for Rick? Terri: Shhhh. Hazel: You should ask him out (pushes her towards Rick) Terri: What if it's not him? (bumps into him) Uh, I got to get to class (Rick watches them leave and smiles.) In Math class Ellie: Homework. Talk to me. Marco: What, you didn't do it? Paige: Ellie, read for the interview? I am so nervous. My mom was like, Paige, you've got the clothes, the brains, your fine. Ellie: Of course. Paige: Please. Mothers always say that, it is so tedious. Mr. Armstrong: Okay folks, put your books away. Ellie: No way. Mr. Armstrong: Were starting today with a pop quiz. Now, if you did your homework, you should be fine. Paige, could you pass these out for me please? Paige: Break a leg hun. In cafeteria (Ellie looking at her quiz, a big 48% and F at the top.) Marco: Okay, so um, why do teachers lie? I did the homework like he said, and I was not fine. Ellie: Marco, you got a B+. Marco: Yeah, but my average is... Ellie: It's only worth like what, 2% of our final grade? Were both gonna pass. Marco: I can't believe your this cool about it Ellie: Actually Marco, I... (Marco sees Dylan taking off his sweatshirt.) Marco: Oh dio mio, um, yeah, hold that thought (Marco leaves and Ashley and Paige sit down.) Paige: Sucks to be straight. Come on, it's gotta be hard watching your ex-boyfriend fall madly in love with my brother. Ms. Sauvé: Hey girls, sorry to interrupt your lunch, I need you to fill these out before your co-op interview. And Ashley, congrats, it's really hard to get those record company jobs. But remember, school is your first priority. (Paige puts on glasses and starts reading the paper.) Ashley: Since when do you wear glasses? Paige: Alright, what's my goal? Hello, on camera, anchor desk. Ellie: It's not a on camera job. Paige: It's television, same deal. What's your goal? (Reaches for Ellie's paper and tries to pull it away from her.) Ellie: Hey! Paige: What? I'm just... (Red juice spills all over Ellie's white shirt.) Paige: Oh, Ellie, I'm so sorry (Ashley tries to help wipe it off.) Ellie: Don't. It's fine. (Ellie walks away.) Paige (to Ashley): What? It was an accident You see Ellie in bathroom trying to scrub off her shirt, then at CQJH Paige: I am thrilled to have finally met you Caitlin, thank you so much for an amazing interview. Caitlin: Well, you're very welcome, bye bye. (To Ellie in a big yellow raincoat) Ellie, hi, is that for me? (Takes papers) Great. You can take the coat off. Ellie: Right. So, I really loved the piece on tent city. I actually interviewed one of those guys for the grapevine. Caitlin: Oh really? Which one? Ellie: Um, I forgot his name. Young, brown hair, glasses. Caitlin: Andrew Lister? Ellie: That's it, I actually... (Wipes eye and eyeliner smears) Sorry, I'm really nervous Caitlin: That's okay. Here. (Gives her a Kleenex and Ellie tries to wipe her face off) And uh, just tell me what you were going to wish for... Ellie: Just, well, it's probably stupid, but, it would be cool to see those activists now. Now that the tents are gone. Caitlin: Actually, we are doing a follow up. Okay, well, tell me about the grapevine. How long have you been writing for them? Ellie: A while. Caitlin: That's a great paper to be writing for. At School Hazel: Don't be such a chicken, anyone else would just ask him. Hey, Manny, help me out here. Say you like a guy. Manny: Is he single? Hazel: We think so. Do you go for it? Manny: Completely. (Sees Craig) Life's too short. Terri: Fine. Tomorrow in geography I'll... Toby: Hello Therese Terri: Hello? Toby: Do you know what I'm thinking? Terri: No Toby: Oh, I think you do. Manny: Toby, stop being weird Toby: Til next we meet. (Gives Terri a strange look while walking away) Hazel: Or maybe your secret admirer is Toby (They look at each other and shudder at the thought.) At Ellie's house Ellie: Mom, sorry I'm late. (Sees mom almost passed out on the couch.) Ellie: Mom, you okay? (Mom groans.) Ellie: I brought us some dinner like you asked. (Picks up several vodka bottles off the table by her mom.) Ellie: Had my interview today. Total disaster. My whole day was a disaster. Look at my shirt. (Offers mom food.) Mrs. Nash: Oh, the smell [SCENE_BREAK] In Ellie's room (She is pacing back and forth.) Ellie: Okay, okay, okay. (Sits down and takes out homework. Hears mom crash into things and throw up in the other room. Papers fall on the ground, compass blade falls on the ground. Ellie picks it up and is about to cut herself with it. She starts crying.) Alarm goes off next morning (Ellie looks at the mark she made on her arm.) At school Paige: Caitlin's awesome. So smart, totally pretty, we really connected. I mean Caitlin and I have so much in common. (Ellie walks in and over to Marco.) Marco: Hey. So how did it go? (No answer.) Marco: Aw, come on, you know you got it. Ellie: No, I don't. Marco: Ellie, they'd be absolutely crazy not to love you, ok? (Ms. Sauvé knocks on door.) Ms. Sauvé: Can I just steal Ellie and Paige for a moment? Mr. Armstrong: Sure. In the hall Ms. Sauvé: So, I heard from Caitlin Ryan and she made a decision. Congratulations Ellie. Don't worry Paige, were gonna find you something great. Paige: Wow, I guess she really did feel sorry for you. (Ellie smiles as she walks back into class.) Ashley: Terri Isaacs has a certain ring to it. Terri: I can't believe Hazel told you. Ashley: She had to, I'm going to be your future sister-in-law. But come on Terri, it's cute. Terri: It's awkward... Ashley: And strangely disappointing? Terri: Just a bit. (Toby steps in front of them and stops them.) Terri: Toby, are you following me? Toby: I don't know. Am I? Terri: Can we take the long way to music class? (See Toby smiling as they walk away.) At CQJH Caitlin: Ellie, I'm so thrilled to have you here. Ellie: You are? Caitlin: Oh, yeah, absolutely. I'm just sorry it's only going to be once a week. Ellie: I can do more. Mornings, afternoons, weekends. Caitlin: You sound just like me. But as my therapist says, it's important to have a life. Ellie: I'll fact check, I'll file, pick up your dry cleaning, get you coffee, whatever you want. Caitlin: Sorry, this is the best we can do. (About Ellie's room she is working in) So let's start with a project, teen hotlines, manned by teens, for teens, let's see if they work and go! I'll check in on you later. (On phone.) Ellie: I'm calling from Caitlin Ryan Unscripted. Could I talk to the head of your youth hotline? That's fine, I'll wait. (Interviewing a guy from hotline.) Guy: We deal with everything, abortion, suicide, alcoholics, schoolwork, cutting, anorexia. Ellie: Wow, that must be hard. Guy: It's amazing, to actual be able to help. It's the best thing in the world. On phone at home Ellie: Hi dad, your okay? You've made it to Kabul? I'm so relieved. How's mom? She's fine, (looks over at her on couch and sees her drinking) totally fine. No, she can't make it to the phone right now, but I'll tell her that you called. Okay. Bye. At CQJH looking at scissors when Caitlin comes in Caitlin: Here, go through all of these, especially that one. Ellie: Okay. We see Ellie eating while her mom is drinking. Ellie laying on floor in her room, she sits up and cuts herself. Putting blanket on her mom on the couch Ellie running to school Ellie: I need a late slip please. Secretary: Note please. Ellie: I was at my co-op and... Secretary: Board policy states that all students must provide a note. Ellie: It won't happen again, please, can I just go to class? Secretary: You were late twice last week, 3 times the week before, you could lose your placement over this. Ellie: You're not serious (Secretary holds slip just out of reach of Ellie, then hands to her. Ellie walks away to bathroom looking worried. In bathroom she paces, then takes out her compass and cuts herself. Paige walks in.) Paige: Let me guess, your latest expose, the hygiene of Degrassi's bathrooms. Ellie: I'm running late. (Paige sees blood in sink.) Paige: Ew, Ellie, your bleeding. Ellie: Yeah, I hit my arm on the thing. (Picks up her stuff and leaves. Paige follows her outside.) Ellie: What? Paige: Ellie, I saw. Ellie: I hit my arm, I'm gonna file a complaint with the janitor. Paige: Bull. Ellie: Pardon me? Paige: Why would you do that to yourself? Does it feel good or what? Look, I totally get that you don't want to talk to me. Ellie: My arm's fine. Paige: I'm not talking about your arm. You need to talk to someone, like Ms. Sauvé, or... Ellie: All I need is for you to leave me alone like you normally do. (She gets up and walks away.) Hazel: It's been 2 weeks, just break the little nerds heart already. Terri: His hearth or his neck? Toby: Therese! Terri: Did you leave this rose? (Terri breaks the rose and throws it on the ground.) Toby: I don't know, did I? Terri: Stop talking like that, it's driving me crazy. Hazel: If that's some kind of Terri scrapbook, I'm calling the police. Toby: Scrapbook? It's a science report. Terri: On what? Toby: ESP. Ash told me you were physic or something, but I've been testing you and you've failed... Therese. Terri: So you're not my secret admirer? Toby: You wish. (Terri and Hazel smile at each other.) In the hallway (Paige is sitting and Ellie is walking by.) Ms. Sauvé: Hey Paige, just give me a minute and we'll talk about your friend, okay? Ellie (to Paige): About who? Me? Paige: I don't care if you get mad. What you're doing is dangerous. It's scary. Ellie: You can't handle it. You have to take away the one thing that matters. Paige: What are you talking about? Ellie: You want my co-op job Paige: I don't care about the stupid job, you're hurting yourself. This is beyond me. I don't know how to help you, but Sauvé will. Ellie: I don't need help. Paige: Then show me your arm. Ellie: There's nothing wrong with me. Paige: Then show me your arm. Ellie. Ellie, please, show me your arm. (She rolls up her sleeve to show lots of cut marks and she starts crying.) Paige: Oh, Ellie. It's okay. It's okay. At Terri's locker (Rick puts another rose on the locker; Terri appears from where she was watching.) Rick: Um, Hi. Uh, yes, you've caught me. Terri: I've been waiting for hours, I can't believe how sneaky you are. Rick: Well, for one, a secret admirer is a demanding occupation and 2, you're worth it. I do hope leaving roses wasn't too intrusive, I'm a little shy. Terri: Me too and I think it's sweet. Rick: You had no inkling it was me? Terri: Nope, guess I'm not physic. In Ms. Sauvé's office (It is very quiet. Ellie look like she is going to talk, but doesn't.) Ms. Sauvé: Well, that's all the time we have for today. Ellie: Sorry, I wasted your time. Ms. Sauvé: No, you'll talk when you're ready. But recognizing you need to talk and not cut, that's a big first step. So, tomorrow? Ellie: Tomorrow.

Plan: A: a lot; Q: How much pressure is Ellie under? A: her mother; Q: Who has started drinking again? A: a chance; Q: What does Ellie get to work for Caitlin? A: The stress; Q: What causes Ellie to start cutting herself? A: Terri; Q: Who is worried that Toby is her secret admirer? A: a secret admirer; Q: Who sent Terri roses? Summary: Ellie is under a lot of pressure. Her dad is fighting overseas, her mother has started drinking again, and she is given a chance to work for Caitlin. The stress causes Ellie to start cutting herself. Meanwhile, Terri receives roses from a secret admirer and worries that it may be Toby.

•I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. [SCENE_BREAK] Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... People setting books on fire. Amy tied to the stake in "Gingerbread." AMY: All right! You wanna fry a witch? I'll give you a witch! Before thee let the unclean thing crawl! Amy turning into a rat. The rat running around the floor. WILLOW: She's a perfectly normal girl. Then, she's a rat. BUFFY: Maybe we should get her one of those wheel thingies. Tara and Willow in Joyce's bedroom. TARA: Can, can we not do this now? WILLOW: Forget it ever happened. Willow doing the forget spell. WILLOW: Forget. Tara and Willow arguing. TARA: What is wrong with you? I know you used that spell on me. WILLOW: I'll go a month without doing any magic. Willow taking the bag of herbs out of the cabinet. TARA: Go a week. WILLOW: Fine, that's easy! Willow putting the crystal in the fire. WILLOW: When the fire goes out, when the crystal turns black, the spell will be cast. Willow sitting and crying. TARA: I don't think this is gonna work. Tara packing her things. WILLOW: Are you saying you're gonna leave me? Spike in Warren's apartment. SPIKE: I'm placing an order. WARREN: Oh no no, I'm not making any more girls. SPIKE: Sure you are. Here's your specs. Warren, Jonathan, and Andrew in flashback. WARREN: So ... you guys wanna team up and take over Sunnydale? JONATHAN/ANDREW: Okay. Jonathan doing a spell. WARREN: The Trio versus the Slayer. JONATHAN: We're like supervillains. The Trio laughing their dorky super-villain laughs. Buffy talking to Giles. BUFFY: I can't do this without you. GILES: You can. That's why I'm going. Giles talking to the Scoobies. GILES: I'm heading back to England. Giles on the plane. GILES: ...and I plan to stay. Spike and Buffy in the graveyard. SPIKE: We have to talk. BUFFY: About what? SPIKE: We kissed, Buffy. Spike and Buffy kissing at the end of "Tabula Rasa." HUSBAND: (nervous) I'm sure we can work something out. WIFE: A deal of some sort. Anything you want. BUFFY: (OS) I always wanted a pony. Everyone turns to see Buffy standing there. BUFFY: Oh. You weren't really speaking to me, were you? My bad. Well, as long as I'm here... She walks forward and kicks one of the men. He stumbles back, drops the purse. He and his cohort stare at Buffy in fear. We see that they're human, not vampires. BUFFY: (surprised) Wow. A mugging. Haven't gotten one of those in a while. The uninjured mugger checking to make sure the one Buffy kicked is okay. BUFFY: Usually it's blood, and with the horror ... just a good old-fashioned mugging. (the victims staring at her) Kinda sweet actually. Buffy bends over, picks up the woman's purse. BUFFY: Oh, uh, probably not for you. Here. (gives the woman her purse) Go. Now. The husband and wife run off. One of the muggers attacks Buffy and she blocks his punch, punches him, then grabs his arm and twists it around behind him. She holds him there while she kicks the other one back. BUFFY: Not too sweet for you either, huh? (mugger getting up) But come on, rush me. It'll be funny. The second mugger gets up and is about to rush her when Spike comes into the shot yelling. SPIKE: Yaah! BUFFY: No! Spike punches the mugger and falls into a pile of boxes. Buffy lets go of the mugger she's holding and he runs off. Spike rolls around in the pile of boxes clutching his head in pain. Boxes fall on top of him. The other mugger runs off too. Buffy watches them go and yells in frustration. BUFFY: Gah! Oh! Spike gets up, still holding his head. BUFFY: What the hell are you doing? SPIKE: I thought they were demons. BUFFY: Way to go with the keen observiness, Jessica Fletcher. SPIKE: (glares) Remind me not to help you. BUFFY: *More* often? SPIKE: Hey. Little sympathy for the man with the migraine here, can we? BUFFY: Well, that's what you get for attacking a human. SPIKE: Yeah. (annoyed) You'd think if the government was gonna put a chip in my head, they'd at least make it so I could attack criminals and that sort. BUFFY: Yes, because muggers deserve to be eaten. Spike gives her a sour look. BUFFY: Just have to get your rocks off fightin' demons. SPIKE: (suggestively) There are other ways. BUFFY: And to that, an extreme 'see you later.' She turns to go. Spike smirks, walks after her. SPIKE: Buffy. She stops, sighs, turns back. BUFFY: Spike ... it's late, okay, can we just finish this another time? SPIKE: (walks closer) Oh, so you wanna jump right to the kissing then, eh? BUFFY: I am not kissing you, Spike. Once was- SPIKE: Twice. BUFFY: But not again. She turns away again, begins walking. SPIKE: You're a tease, you know that, Slayer? (Buffy rolls her eyes, continues walking) Get a fellow's motor revving, let the tension marinate a couple-a days, then bam! Crown yourself the ice queen. BUFFY: (still walking away) Need a few more metaphors for that little mix? She walks off. Spike stays where he is in the alley, yelling after her. SPIKE: (yells) It's only a matter of time before you realize I'm the only one here for you, pet. You got no one else! Cut to the Summers house, night. Willow opens the door of her bedroom, peeks out, goes back inside and closes the door. She goes over to the window, looks out. Amy-Rat is in a cage on the floor, squeaking. Willow kneels down beside it. WILLOW: What's the matter, Amy? You lonely? (opens the cage) Oh, we need to get you a nice companion rat (takes Amy out of the cage) that you can love ... play with ... and grow attached to, until one day they leave you for no good reason. Willow carries the rat over to the bed, stroking it gently. She puts the rat down on the bed. WILLOW: Won't that be fun? (rat squeaking) Relax, Amy. I'm just kiddin'. I swear, if I could figure out how to turn you back... (realizes something) Any way ... Revele! A sheet of paper appears on the desk. Willow picks it up, reads. WILLOW: 'Cio che fu non e piu. Cio che fu fatto disfa. Passato e il pericolo, finita e la prova. Metti le cosa a posto.' Willow looks up at the bed. Red lightning flashes as the rat morphs back into Amy, sitting naked on the bed with her legs pulled up to her chest. Willow smiles. Amy lifts her head, looks around, her movements all twitchy like a rat. She screams. Wolf howl, opening credits. Guest starring Danny Strong, Adam Busch, Tom Lenk, Elizabeth Anne Allen, and Amber Benson as Tara. Written by Drew Z. Greenberg, directed by Turi Meyer. [SCENE_BREAK] Act I [SCENE_BREAK] Open in a museum, night. A person dressed all in black descends from the domed ceiling on a thin wire, à la Tom Cruise in "Mission Impossible." He stops, hovering beside a display case in the center of the room. Cut closer. We see that it's Andrew, wearing all black clothes and a black beret and a small microphone headset. He attaches a small metal device to the side of the display case. Warren and Jonathan walk up beside him. WARREN: Dude, what are you doing? JONATHAN: We're not breaking into Langley here. It's Sunnydale. ANDREW: Well, you never know what new stuff they have, better safe than- WARREN: Okay, the security system here is a guy named Rusty. Warren gives Andrew a shove so that he starts spinning head-over-heels in the air. He spins a few times before managing to stop himself. Warren and Jonathan grin. WARREN: Now get up. ANDREW: Whoa, head rush. Cool. Andrew grins, disconnects himself from the wires. WARREN: Guys, come on, quit jerking around. Warren walks over to the display case. We see that he has a small gas tank strapped to his back. He removes the device that Andrew attached to the glass, tosses it over his shoulder. Jonathan catches it. Warren produces a small blowtorch and begins cutting the glass. ANDREW: See, that's cool. How come he gets to play with all the cool stuff? JONATHAN: Because I'm allergic to methane and you're still afraid of hot things? ANDREW: (pouty) I know. JONATHAN: Besides, the tank kept making both of us tip over, remember? Warren has finished cutting a hole in the glass. He knocks out the round piece of glass, reaches in and grabs a large diamond from the case. He turns to the others. WARREN: Got it! JONATHAN: It's beautiful. WARREN: Boys, congratulations, Phase One of the plan is now complete. Let's get the hell outta here. They turn to go, but are confronted by an older man in a security uniform. RUSTY: What are you boys doing? WARREN: Um, we're with a tour group. (pauses) The Get-The-Freeze-Ray tour group. Musta gotten separated. RUSTY: Museum closed five hours ago. WARREN: Really? RUSTY: Uh-huh. WARREN: Huh! Guess we just lost track of time, we should probably get the *freeze ray* out of here now. Warren pauses, waiting for the others to pick up on his subtle cue, but they don't. He turns to glare at Jonathan. Jonathan and Andrew finally clue in, turn their backs to Rusty and dig in a bag that Jonathan's carrying. WARREN: 'Cause we love the learning, Rusty. (walking closer to Rusty) Museums, libraries, Disney Hall of Presidents ... not boring. But more to the point? Good-bye. Warren makes a kissing motion at Rusty and backs up. Jonathan points a large gun-like device at Rusty and fires. Ice shoots out of it and encases Rusty completely, immobilizing him. WARREN: (excited) Dude, that is so cool! (walks closer to Rusty) ANDREW: The freeze ray totally worked. We see that Jonathan's arm holding the freeze-ray is also encased in ice. JONATHAN: Yeah, uh, not exactly. WARREN: (still gazing at Rusty) So there's a kink or two. It's just a prototype. I mean, soon we'll have- JONATHAN: Hey, that's really neato and stuff, but in the meantime, you know ... ow! WARREN: (glances at him) Be a bigger wuss. JONATHAN: Can we just go back to the lair? Because ... I can't ... really feel my fingers. WARREN: Yeah, yeah, come on. Jonathan and Andrew walk on past Warren. Andrew pauses looking at Rusty. ANDREW: Is he gonna like- WARREN: Oh, he'll be fine. Yeah, he'll defrost in a couple of days, no harm, no foul. ANDREW: Won't he tell on us? WARREN: And say what? 'Two guys and a mime took me out with their freeze ray'? That's likely. Andrew looks uncertain. WARREN: Come on! They walk off, leaving Rusty standing there with bits of mist curling off him. Cut to the Summers house. Amy still sits on the bed in the same position, but now she is wearing clothes. She looks around, very twitchy rat-like movements. She jumps as the door opens. Willow enters holding a mug. WILLOW: Hey. Here's some hot chocolate, you want- AMY: No, thanks. (gestures at her throat) Still ... kinda queasy. WILLOW: Okay. Maybe later. Willow turns to put the mug down. Sound of a siren from outside. Amy starts, looks fearfully at the window. Magic sound-effect. The window slams shut. WILLOW: Hey, no, i-it's okay. Amy makes a gesture with one hand and the curtains pull shut over the window. WILLOW: (walking forward) It's, it's just a siren. It's o-it's all right. Okay? You okay? Amy peers at the window, then looks at Willow. AMY: (twitchy) Mm-hm. Yeah. Just ... you know. (whispers) Everything feels weird. (Willow nods) I mean, it's like ... I felt like I was in that cage for weeks. (Willow looks nervous) But it can still be okay ... right? I-I can still get into the swing of things, like ... prom's coming up. I-I'm so hoping Larry would ask me. We would make such a splash at- (sees Willow's expression) Oh. Oh god. (sighs, anxiously) He hasn't asked someone else, has he? WILLOW: Uh, Amy ... three things we have to talk about. One, Larry's gay. (Amy staring at her) Two, Larry's dead. (Amy still staring) And three, high school's ... kinda over. Amy frowns, stares at her. AMY: How long was I in the cage? Willow fidgets nervously, looks around. AMY: How long?! Cut to downstairs. Buffy enters from outside, puts her keys on the table by the door, looks around. BUFFY: Willow? She goes up the stairs. Cut to the bedroom. Willow sits on the bed, leaning against the headboard. Buffy enters. BUFFY: Hey. (they smile at each other) How you doin'? WILLOW: Oh. Uh ... okay. (sits up) BUFFY: Yeah? (sits on bed beside Willow) WILLOW: Yeah. Not parades and cotton candy, but ... okay. BUFFY: Will, um ... can I talk to you about something? WILLOW: Of course. BUFFY: (nervous) Right. Okay. Um ... You know how we all make choices? And sometimes they're good, and ... sometimes they're ... less good. WILLOW: Uh-huh... BUFFY: Well, lately, I, uh... The bathroom door opens. Buffy glances over as Amy comes out. BUFFY: Oh, Tara, hey- (pauses, stares) Amy?! AMY: (to Willow) The whole school? Willow nods. Buffy stares at Amy, then at Willow. AMY: By a giant snake thing. (nods) Okay, still adjusting. Hi Buffy. BUFFY: Hi. (awkwardly) How've you been? AMY: Rat. You? BUFFY: Dead. AMY: Oh. BUFFY: (looking at Willow) Well, I should ... let you guys catch up, I can- AMY: No no no, stay. (twitchy) Do you have any cookies? BUFFY: Uh, yeah, w-what kind? AMY: Any kind. Not cheese. BUFFY: Um, sure, in the, the kitchen, I'll just get 'em- (gets up) AMY: Oh no, I'll grab 'em. (moves toward the door) BUFFY: Okay, well, at least, you know, let me make up the, the couch for you? It's late, you should stay here. Everybody does. AMY: (distracted) Thank you. Amy exits. Buffy stares at Willow. BUFFY: Wow. WILLOW: (smiling) I know. BUFFY: Is ... she gonna be okay? WILLOW: Don't know. She's kinda freaked out. I mean, I would be too. BUFFY: Wow. WILLOW: I, I just realized I could. Thought of the right thing, and ... it's nice, having another magically-inclined friend around. Buffy looks down, pensive. WILLOW: So, w-what were you gonna tell me? You were sounding all serious. BUFFY: Huh? Oh. Uh, it's nothing. I mean, the whole Amy, rat, Amy thing ... no way I'm toppin' that. Buffy exits. Cut to downstairs. Amy sits on the couch eating cookies and watching TV. Buffy comes down the stairs, stands in the doorway from the foyer to the living room. BUFFY: Hey. (Amy mutes the TV) How you doin'? Need anything? AMY: No, thanks. Good cookies. Buffy smiles. Beat. AMY: Sorry about your mom. BUFFY: (softly) Thanks. AMY: It's crazy, all the things that've happened since I went away. BUFFY: No kidding. AMY: Snyder got eaten by a snake ... high school got destroyed... BUFFY: Oh, Gatorade has a new flavor. Blue. AMY: See? Head spinning. (shakes head) People getting frozen ... Willow's dating girls ... and did you hear about Tom and Nicole?! Buffy comes forward, frowning. BUFFY: (frowns) People getting frozen? Amy turns on the TV sound. TV REPORTER: ...in critical yet stable condition as local authorities continue their investigation into the robbery that left one man frozen solid. On the TV, behind the reporter we can see the exterior of the museum with an ambulance and a bunch of people moving around. REPORTER: Live from the museum, Ryan Morris, KOUS. AMY: Weird. Cut to outside the museum. Sirens, flashing lights, a crowd of people standing around. Buffy stands behind the gathered people, jumping up and down trying to see over their heads. BUFFY: Excuse me, excuse me, thanks. She pushes her way to the front of the crowd, stares and frowns. We see a couple of policemen wheeling out the still-frozen Rusty on a dolly. TV cameramen following them. Buffy turns and starts walking around toward the side of the museum, across the lawn. She looks back at the crowd, continues on her way, suddenly stops as she sees something in front of her. BUFFY: (annoyed) Great. SPIKE: Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up. BUFFY: What are you doing here, Spike? SPIKE: Well, you know, a man was frozen alive in there. A little compassion, luv. Buffy rolls her eyes, starts to walk past him. Spike falls into step beside her. SPIKE: Uh, you know, as long as we're both here, you might as well tag along. I mean, as a team we could- BUFFY: Yeah, that never really ends well, does it? SPIKE: It did the other night. BUFFY: You really seem awfully fixated on a couple of kisses, Spike. Spike pauses, so that she walks a few steps ahead of him. SPIKE: And you seem awfully quick to forget about them. Buffy stops walking, turns to him. BUFFY: Look. I'm sorry, okay? I'm-I'm sorry if you thought that it meant more. SPIKE: But... BUFFY: But ... when I kissed you ... you know I was thinking about Giles, right? SPIKE: You know, I always wondered about you two. BUFFY: What? (makes a face) Oh, gross, Spike! (Spike frowns) He left. I was depressed. Ergo vulnerability and, and bad kissing decisions. (Spike still frowning) Okay, but, that's all that it was. You have to let it go. SPIKE: (smirking) Did it work? BUFFY: What? SPIKE: You convince yourself? BUFFY: (seriously) Please, stop. She starts walking again. Spike follows. SPIKE: A man can change. She again stops walking and faces him. BUFFY: You're not a man. You're a thing. She turns away again. Spike frowns, grabs her shoulder. SPIKE: Stop walking away. BUFFY: Don't touch me! As Spike turns her around she punches him with her other hand. He pulls back and backhands her. Buffy falls to the ground. Spike looks surprised, puts his hand tentatively to his head with the beginning of a smile. Looks at Buffy, who is still getting to her feet and has her back to him. SPIKE: Ahh, ahh, ohh! (grabs his head) Buffy gets up, backhands Spike and he goes down. He gets up to a kneeling position with his back to Buffy and stays there, looking at the ground. She speaks to his back. BUFFY: You're a thing. An evil, disgusting, thing. She walks past him and away. Spike lifts his head to watch her go. Slowly an evil grin spreads across his face. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act II [SCENE_BREAK] Open on the street, downtown, night. People walking around, talking, etc. Spike walks out from an alley, looks around, grins. Pan across the street. Lots of people going about their business. SPIKE: (to himself) Look at all the goodies. He continues looking around, pauses as he spots something. Closer shot of a young blonde woman standing on the corner, looking at her watch, looking around, hugging herself as if she's cold. She turns and starts to walk away. Spike moves to follow her. Cut to an alley. The young woman walks along, still hugging herself, looking nervous. Suddenly Spike steps out in front of her. She screams. SPIKE: That's right, you should scream. She tries to get away but he moves to intercept her. She looks scared. SPIKE: Creature of the night here, yeah? (indicating himself) Some people forget that. He advances on the woman. She backs away, shaking her head fearfully, backs up against a wall. WOMAN: Please. SPIKE: She thinks I'm housebroken. She forgot who she's dealing with. WOMAN: Anything you want, please- SPIKE: Just 'cause she's confused about where she fits in, I'm supposed to be too? 'Cause I'm not. (pacing back and forth) I know what I am. I'm dangerous. I'm evil. WOMAN: (scared) I-I'm sure you're not evil. SPIKE: Yes, I am. I am a killer. (moves closer to her) That's what I do. I kill. And, yeah, maybe it's been a long time, but ... it's not like you forget how. He gets up very close to the woman, who is panting fearfully. SPIKE: You just ... do it. (nervously) And now I can, again, all right? So here goes. He morphs into vamp face. The woman screams. SPIKE: This might hurt a little. He bends over to bite her, then flings himself back, yelling in pain, crashes into a Dumpster. The woman runs off. Spike crouches there clutching the Dumpster, panting. SPIKE: What the hell is going on? Cut to an outdoor cafe, day. Dawn sits drinking from a very large chocolate milkshake as Tara watches. TARA: Good god, that's a lot of shake. (Dawn nods) I mean, I know, part of our ... big ... movie and milkshake fun day, but ... good god, that's a lot of shake. DAWN: (laughs) Helps to wash down the Raisinettes. TARA: Promise me that you will eat something green tonight. Leafy green, not ... gummi green. They both laugh. Dawn continues drinking her milkshake. TARA: The movie was fun. DAWN: Yeah. It was ironic when all those cute inner-city kids taught their coach a valuable lesson. TARA: You know that I will always be there for you, right? (Dawn looks at her, stops smiling) There, there was actually more of a lead-in when I practiced that at home. DAWN: I know. TARA: It's just ... I wanted you to know that ... my moving out had nothing to do with you, and I, I will never stop loving you. DAWN: I know. (beat) Do you think you'll ever get back together? TARA: I wish I knew. DAWN: But you still love her. TARA: Very much. I just ... sometimes ... other things get in the way. DAWN: I know. (nervously) Uh, she's been doing a lot better lately, though. Uh, she's been really good about ... being careful ... a-about stuff. TARA: Well, good. Great, that's ... that's great. Cut to the magic shop. Willow, Xander, and Buffy sit around the round table. Anya stands by the bookshelves in background. WILLOW: Here. Says the guard's definitely gonna live. XANDER: (reading newspaper) He's all thawed out, says they used hair-dryers. Huh. Shot of the newspaper with an article headline reading: Museum Guard Attacked, Frozen. Body Thawed, Remains Unconscious. WILLOW: Everything slowed down. His nervous system, circulatory system. He's still unconscious. Anya makes a whiny noise. BUFFY: Anya? ANYA: It's such a pain. The text I wanted, Giles took it with him. He has this thing that ... owning a book makes it like his property. BUFFY: What should we do, should we call him? It's like the middle of last night there. (frowns) Or maybe it's tomorrow. Anyone remember how that works? WILLOW: That's okay, no one freak. We'll just do it another way. (reaches for her bag) BUFFY: I-I don't think we need to resort to ... I mean... Willow pulls out her laptop computer and sets it on the table. BUFFY: Oh. Hey, cool. XANDER: All right, back to basics. A little old-fashioned state-of-the-art hacker action. BUFFY: That's great, Will, I haven't seen you do that in a long time. Willow puts her hands over the keyboard, not touching it. The keyboard glows with a pale yellow light. BUFFY: (to Xander) I-I don't remember that part. (Buffy and Xander staring at Willow) WILLOW: (staring blankly in front of her) It's quicker. It'll just take me a sec to go through the files. Okay. Internal police report. Buffy and Xander exchange a concerned look. WILLOW: A diamond was stolen from the museum last night. A big one. On loan from the British museum. They're withholding information to smoke out the criminals. Oh! It's pretty. (looks at Buffy, smiles) There's a picture. BUFFY: Well, is it a, a supernatural diamond? You know, like, healing powers, or, or good-lucky? ANYA: Maybe it's cursed. Diamonds are excellent for cursing. WILLOW: (again staring blankly) Well, we'll keep checking, shall we? XANDER: (awkwardly) Well, you know, I am kinda beat, and I bet you that's tiring, that ... thing you're doing there... (fake yawn) Xander gives an exaggerated stretch as if to show he's tired. Willow takes her hands off the keyboard. Sound effect to indicate the end of her spell. She looks at them. WILLOW: Guys, I'm fine. What's the deal with- ANYA: Oh, for crying out loud. This is bizarre. You're all, 'la la la!' with, with the magic, and the not talking, like everything's normal, when we all know that Tara up and left you and now everyone's scared to say anything to you. (pauses, smiles) Except me. (looks at Xander) Is this that thing I do that you were commenting- (Xander nods) WILLOW: Guys ... it's okay. It's hard ... but i-it's better this way. Little things just ... starting taking over, things that didn't matter, but we saw them differently, so ... they got blown out of proportion. (Shot of Buffy and Xander listening) And, this time away will help us sort through things. Really. Now, let's just keep working on this. I don't wanna leave Amy alone in the house so long. XANDER: Amy, is she ... how is she adjusting? WILLOW: It's hard to say. It's a lot to take in. I keep expecting her to do, like, ratty stuff, you know, licking her hands clean, shredding newspaper, leaving little pellets in the corner. BUFFY: Let's definitely not leave her alone in the house too long. Cut to: close shot of the diamond sitting on a piece of black velvet. JONATHAN: I didn't know it'd be so sparkly. ANDREW: It's so big. WARREN: Yes, gentlemen, it turns out, size is everything. (puts hand on Jonathan's leg) No offense, man. Jonathan smacks him. We see that they're in the basement lair, sitting and looking at the diamond on a card table. ANDREW: It makes colors with the light. The others stare at him for a moment. WARREN: All right, I think we've finished the first part, now it's time for Phase Two. They all get up. WARREN: Is the van fired up? JONATHAN: Check. They go to the bulkhead but it slams open before they reach it. Spike is there, glaring in at them. The Geeks stare in alarm, back away. Spike comes down into their lair with a menacing expression. The Geeks continue to back up. ANDREW: Hello, it's called knocking. Spike backs Warren up against a pole. SPIKE: Knock knock, robot boy. (knocks on Warren's head) Need you to look at my chip. JONATHAN: Is that like, British slang or something? 'Cause we're not- SPIKE: In my head, the chip in my head. WARREN: We're kind of in the middle of something. SPIKE: Well, you can play holodeck another time. Right now, I'm in charge. WARREN: Yeah, what are you gonna do if we don't especially feel like maybe playing your- Spike turns around, sees a display of action figures, reaches for it. WARREN: What are, wait, what are you doing? Spike picks up the Boba Fett action figure, removing it from its display stand. SPIKE: Examine my chip, or else Mister... (looks at the label on the stand) ...Fett here is the first to die. Spike holds the action figure in one hand and takes its head in the other hand as if he's going to pull the head off. The geeks are extremely nervous. JONATHAN: Hey, all right, let's not, let's not do anything crazy here. ANDREW: That's a limited edition, 1979 mint condition Boba Fett. Spike grins, pretends to pull the head off. WARREN: All right, dude ... chill. You can still make it right. You know you don't wanna do this. SPIKE: What I want ... is answers, nimrod. WARREN: Right. But you don't wanna hurt the Fett, 'cause man, you're *not* comin' back from that. You know, you don't just do that and walk away. SPIKE: That right? Let's find out. Spike fakes pulling the head off again. Warren yells in alarm. WARREN: Wah, uh, one second. Warren pulls the other geeks aside. ANDREW: Dudes, I think that's Spike. JONATHAN: Of course it is, and he's evil. Completely capable of removing that head. WARREN: I'm gonna help him out. JONATHAN: Are you sure we can trust him? I mean, we all have heads too. WARREN: See, we help him, and he owes us one. See, we get Spike on our side, we get info on Buffy. And maybe, maybe we can even find a way to keep her out of Phase Two. ANDREW: Jonathan's right, can we trust him? WARREN: 'Course not. But alliances aren't about trust. See, he needs us, we need him. (nods) Well, that's how these things work. In the background we see Spike pacing, playing with the action figure. WARREN: I think we're ready. Agreed? JONATHAN: Agreed. Andrew looks over at Spike. Shot of Spike tossing the action figure in the air and catching it. ANDREW: (to Warren) Do what you need to do. Warren turns back to Spike. WARREN: I think we can work something out. I'll take a look at your chip. It'll be a deal. We scratch your back, you scratch- SPIKE: I'm not scratching your anything. You do what I tell you, that's the deal. Deal? WARREN: (sighs) Deal. SPIKE: Then let's go. Spike tosses the action figure to Andrew as Spike and Warren move off. Andrew catches it, and he and Jonathan look anxiously at it. ANDREW: Oh! It's okay, it's okay. It'll be fine. Cut to the Summers house. Willow enters, looks around, goes into the living room. WILLOW: Amy? Amy peeks out of the kitchen. AMY: Oh god, you're back. (hurries over) I thought you said you wouldn't be gone that long. WILLOW: I wasn't. I mean, I thought it was- AMY: Let's go somewhere. WILLOW: Don't you wanna go see your dad? AMY: (twitchy) No. Can't. Not yet. Too many questions. WILLOW: (nods) About where you were. AMY: No, about how I got there. (pauses) I wish there was a way that I could make him forget about the last three years. WILLOW: Oh, well hey, I can help you with that. Only, you might wanna sew your name into your clothes first or something. (puts her bag down) AMY: No ... (crosses arms over her chest) I just don't wanna deal with him right now. I think I would be... (pauses, looks at Willow) ...bored. WILLOW: (nods) Well. AMY: Come on, let's get outta here. WILLOW: (uncertain) Oh, well, what do you wanna do? AMY: I don't know. Something fun. Anything ... not involving a big wheel. (Willow smiles a little) Or ... maybe ... you'd rather sit home all night, alone, like in high school. WILLOW: No! (stands up) No, you know what? I can have fun. Heck, I, I deserve some fun. AMY: Yeah you do! WILLOW: I can party! Not like I owe anyone anything. I am totally free. (nods) So, let's make with the fun. They turn and walk off. Cut to the lair. Warren fiddles with an electronic device, then turns to Spike who is lying on his back on a table. Spike has his hands behind his head and numerous wires attached to his head. Warren moves the device over Spike's head. Pan across the table to reveal a book open to a page that shows a diagram of the human brain. There's also a disconnected robot arm. Cut to later. Andrew, Jonathan, and Spike sit in chairs side-by-side on a slightly raised platform. ANDREW: You're English, right? SPIKE: (frowns at him suspiciously) Yeah. ANDREW: I've seen every episode of Doctor Who. (Spike continues frowning) Not Red Dwarf, though, 'cause, um... JONATHAN: 'Cause it's not out yet on DVD. ANDREW: Right. It's not out on ... (weakly) DVD. Spike scowls at them. SPIKE: (yells) Warren! Warren appears from another room holding a pile of paper. WARREN: Here I am, here. SPIKE: Bloody hell. Get on with it then. Warren hands Spike the papers. Spike looks at them. SPIKE: Help me out here, Spock, I don't speak loser. (gives papers back) WARREN: Okay, right, um ... your chip works fine, yeah. SPIKE: (frowns) There's gotta be something wrong- WARREN: No, no, listen. I don't know what that thing does ... I'd like to... (leans closer) SPIKE: (leans back) Hey. WARREN: But whatever it is, it works fine. There's no deterioration of the signal, it still is coming through on a steady pulse. Which it's supposed to. Spike stands up, gets in Warren's face, towers over him on the platform, very menacing. SPIKE: If you're lying to me- WARREN: No! It's all right here. I, I mean, it is. It's really not that hard to figure out, if you just... (sees Spike frowning) What? Spike frowns, ponders deeply. Gives a small smile. Looks at Warren. SPIKE: You tell anyone about this... WARREN: No, I promise. Who would I tell, I don't even know what this is about! SPIKE: It's about the rules having changed. Spike steps down from the platform and heads for the door. SPIKE: Everything's different now. He gets to the stairs leading out, starts up them. SPIKE: (to himself) Nothing wrong with me. Something wrong with her. He smirks and exits. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act III [SCENE_BREAK] Open on the foyer of the Summers house. Dawn and Tara enter. DAWN: (calls) Hello! We're home! TARA: Looks like no one's here. DAWN: Well, I'm sure they'll be back soon. Um, I know Willow and Buffy were meeting up with Xander to do some research. Dawn takes Tara's arm and pulls her into the living room. TARA: Well then I, I should really get back. DAWN: Or, you can stay and wait for them. (sits on couch) Then you can get a chance to catch up with ... everyone. TARA: Yeah, I-I don't think that's such a great idea. DAWN: Okay. Your call. (picks up TV remote) I have the TV to keep me company until they get back. Dawn begins channel-surfing. Tara grimaces uncertainly. DAWN: (innocently) You notice how it's been getting dark so much earlier these days? Dawn sneaks a sly look at Tara, who looks nervously at the windows. DAWN: (giggles, indicates TV) Talking cat. Tara rolls her eyes, sighs, sits beside Dawn. TARA: Fine. I'll stay, but just until they get back. And only to make sure that you're not alone, this ... has nothing to do with ... anyone else. DAWN: Sure. Cool. Up to you. Dawn snuggles up to Tara, puts her head on Tara's shoulder. They both watch TV. Cut to the Bronze. The group Virgil is onstage, performing their song "Vermilion Borders." MALE SINGER: Low country wars Oh, there's a demon She's drinkin' and thinkin' Of runnin' away Close shot of Willow's face as she bends over. Sound of billiard balls clinking. Willow grimaces. WILLOW: I know. Xander engaged, I couldn't believe it either. (straightens up) AMY: It's just so weird. (bends over, sound of billiard balls) So what's she like? WILLOW: (shrugs) Thousand-year-old capitalist ex-demon with rabbit phobia. (walks around Amy) AMY: Well, that's so his type. Willow nods agreement, bends over. We see that neither she nor Amy is holding a pool cue. Willow uses magic to make her shot, knocking a ball into the corner pocket. She straightens up. Two guys walk over. GUY 1: Hey. WILLOW: (uninterested) Hey. AMY: (smiling) Hey. The first guy leans over and whispers in Amy's ear. Willow watches. AMY: Well, let's go then. (to Willow) We're gonna go dance. Do you wanna come? WILLOW: Oh, uh, no, you go. I'll keep an eye on our drinks. AMY: Okay. I mean, because, if you want something a little more your style... Shot of the bar area. We see a very pretty dark-haired woman chatting with a blonde woman. Willow turns around and sees them. AMY: I'm sure we can swing that. Amy snaps her fingers, which makes a little green sparkle. The dark-haired woman looks over at Willow. Willow turns anxiously to Amy. WILLOW: No, really, no. The woman gets up, walks over. The one she was talking to looks annoyed. The guys look interested. BREE: (to Willow, seductively) Hi. Bree. WILLOW: Willow. Nice ... um ... top. Willow turns to Amy again. WILLOW: (nervous) No. Thanks, but no. AMY: You sure? WILLOW: (nods, looks at Bree, then back at Amy) I'm not, she, I'm still- AMY: It's cool. Amy snaps her fingers again. Bree looks confused. BREE: Oh, uh, sorry. Bree walks back to where she was. The other girl looks outraged. GUY 1: So, uh, are we gonna go? AMY: (to Willow) You sure you're gonna be okay? WILLOW: Yeah, go. I'm all kinds of good. Amy and the two guys go off to the dance floor, begin dancing together. Willow stands watching. MALE SINGER: I'm getting caught in the corners Of her vermilion borders She's moving backwards and forwards And she's ugly when she's insecure Cut to later. Willow sits by herself staring at a martini glass. She lifts out the plastic stirrer with an olive speared on it. Close shot of the olive with its pimento filling. WILLOW: No use looking at me like that. It's the gullet for you, mister. She eats the olive. Amy comes rushing over. AMY: Hey! Sorry, I kinda got caught up. (drinks from another martini) WILLOW: No, it's okay. Amy puts down her glass, ponders. AMY: You know ... if rats could dance ... they probably wouldn't gnaw so much. Willow smiles and nods. The two guys walk over again. GUY 1: Hey, come on. We're just getting started. AMY: (looks at Willow) I think I'm gonna sit this one out. GUY 2: Nuh-uh! You can't, you can't just work us up like that and then just- The guy grabs Amy's arm and pulls her away from the bar, but she pulls free. AMY: Hey! WILLOW: I think she said no. GUY 2: Well, nobody asked you ... Ellen. The two guys snicker. Amy and Willow exchange a look, then look at the guys again. AMY: You wanna dance? GUY 1: That's all. Nice, slow ... relaxing dance. Amy and Willow exchange another look, shrug, and both gesture at the guys. Magical special-effect shoots from their hands to the two guys. Willow's special-effect is dark orange, Amy's green. Suddenly the two guys disappear and reappear in dance-cages above the dance floor. They each wear just a skimpy loincloth. They both begin to dance although their faces look shocked and appalled. Willow and Amy watch with small smiles. WILLOW: Gee. AMY: I think I do feel more relaxed. Cut to the magic shop. Buffy, Xander, and Anya sit around the table looking at books. XANDER: Aha! I got it! Uh, here's our villain right here! Anya and Buffy look, then both shake their heads. Buffy returns to her book. XANDER: What? ANYA: That's a D&D manual, sweetie. XANDER: No, but it could- (looks at the book cover, laughs weakly) Oh. ANYA: Let's face it, we're not gonna find this thing because it doesn't exist. There's no such thing as a frost monster who eats diamonds. BUFFY: Well, maybe he doesn't eat them. You know, maybe he just ... thinks they're pretty. She nods hopefully for a moment, then stops, makes a face, slams her book shut. BUFFY: We suck. XANDER: We need new brains. What's up with Willow? BUFFY: Out with Amy, I guess. ANYA: Great, someone to do more magic with. BUFFY: But at least she's not all cooped up and crying. That's forward momentum. Now, I know that I don't ... know everything that happened with her and Tara, but it- XANDER: Tara thinks Willow is doing too much magic. And she's not the only one. BUFFY: I know. But I-I think she'll be fine. You know, it's, it's Willow. She of the level head. ANYA: Well, those are the ones you have to watch out for the most. Responsible types. BUFFY: Right, she might go crazy and start alphabetizing everything. ANYA: I'm serious. Responsible people are ... always so concerned with ... being good all the time, that when they finally get a taste of being bad ... they can't get enough. It's like all (gestures) kablooey. BUFFY: That's not true. ANYA: Okay, not kablooey, more like bam. XANDER: It's human nature, Buff. Will's getting a taste of something powerful, way bigger than her. ANYA: Yeah, she was getting out of control with it before Tara left, and now that she's gone... XANDER: It's gotta be seductive. Buffy looks up in alarm at the word 'seductive.' Her eyes widen. XANDER: (OS) Just giving in to it. Going totally wild. Buffy stares at him. XANDER: We need to keep an eye on her. BUFFY: Okay. Okay, we'll, we'll keep an eye. But we can't assume that everybody's getting seduced, you know, sometimes- The phone rings. Buffy gets up to answer it. We see that she's wearing a gauzy white blouse with a long black leather skirt. She goes to the phone at the back of the room. BUFFY: Hello, Magic Box. Cut to Spike standing at a pay phone. SPIKE: (deep gruff voice) Slayer. BUFFY: (frowns) Spike? SPIKE: (deep voice) Meet me at the cemetery. Twenty minutes. Come alone. BUFFY: (still frowning) Spike? SPIKE: (rolls eyes, mutters) Bloody hell. (normal voice) Yes, it's me. BUFFY: You're ... calling me on the phone? SPIKE: Just be there. BUFFY: Why? Are you ... helping again? (shot of Xander and Anya listening. Buffy speaks louder) You have a lead on this frost monster thingie? SPIKE: (smirking) Something like that, yeah. Thought you might be up for a little grunt work. BUFFY: (shocked) What?! No, (whispers) no-no grunting! SPIKE: (grins) I was talking shop, luv, but if you got other ideas ... you, me, cozy little tomb with a view... Buffy makes a face, hangs up. Spike continues grinning evilly, hangs up as well. Buffy walks back over to the table. XANDER: So, what did Captain Peroxide want? BUFFY: Nothing! (nervous) You know, he just, you know, wanted to see if I-I wanted to patrol, for, for the, the monster. (sits) But I, I told him that I ... would ... not. Cut to the street, later. Buffy, Anya, and Xander emerge from the shop. Buffy now wears a denim jacket over her blouse and skirt. Anya locks the store. They walk down the sidewalk. BUFFY: I'm telling you, I, I think there's something about this thing. XANDER: Well, I don't know, Buff. It seems like we've been through every book. ANYA: Yeah, even the ones that weren't so boring you wanted to kill yourself. XANDER: We have those? (they stop walking) BUFFY: I'm just saying, all the things that have happened lately? Okay, the, the bank robbery, the jewelry heist... XANDER: The exploding lint. BUFFY: I-is it me, or do these things seem really- ANYA: Lame? BUFFY: (shrugs) Well, I was gonna go with unusual, but, yeah. They all stand there shrugging at each other. BUFFY: I don't know. You know, I'll do a quick patrol tonight, and after a good night's sleep, we can solve this tomorrow. ANYA: Optimism. I remember optimism. XANDER: That's because you're like a thousand. BUFFY: Good night, guys. ANYA/XANDER: Good night. Anya and Xander go off in one direction, Buffy in the other. Cut to Buffy walking down a dark alley. Spike steps out in front of her. SPIKE: (angrily) Slayer. BUFFY: And so my night is now complete. SPIKE: You never showed. BUFFY: (walks past him) Sorry. Little busy actually doing stuff. SPIKE: (walks beside her) You shouldn't be so flip, luv. BUFFY: What are you gonna do, walk behind me to death? SPIKE: I'm just saying things might be a little different. Spike walks around in front of her again. They stop walking. SPIKE: You oughta be careful. BUFFY: (shakes head) Enough. She moves to walk around him, but he shifts to block her path. BUFFY: (small puzzled smile) Get out of my way. SPIKE: Or what? Buffy shrugs, punches him in the face. Spike reels a little, catches himself, pauses. Then he hits her in the face, spinning her around. Buffy straightens up, turns back to him. SPIKE: (mockingly) Oh, the pain! The pain! (grimly) Is gone. Buffy stares. SPIKE: Guess what I just found out. Looks like I'm not as toothless as you thought, sweetheart. BUFFY: (alarmed) How? SPIKE: Don't you get it? Don't you see? (sneering) You came back wrong. Buffy stares in disbelief. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act IV [SCENE_BREAK] Open on the same scene. Buffy stalks forward angrily, punches Spike in the face. He staggers back but laughs. Buffy hits him again, kicks him, driving him farther down the alley. She goes to punch him but he grabs her arm and punches her with his other hand. Buffy stumbles into a fence, turns around. Spike gets up in her face. BUFFY: It's a trick. You did something to the chip, it's a trick. SPIKE: It's no trick. It's not me, it's you. Just you, in fact, that's the funny part. (punches her in the face) 'Cause you're the one that's changed. (punches again) That's why this doesn't hurt me. He swings but Buffy blocks and shoves him back. SPIKE: (grins) Came back a little less human than you were. BUFFY: (shakes head) You're wrong. She kicks him hard. He flies back into the opposite wall, but immediately bounces back and comes back over to her. SPIKE: Then how come you're so spooked, luv? And why can I - (punches her) do that? Buffy slowly looks back over at him, panting. BUFFY: You're wrong. She hits him again, even harder. He falls down, gets up, grinning. Buffy hits him again and he goes down again, gets up again. She pushes him backward into a doorway, follows him up the stairs, grabs him. They crash through the door into the building. Cut to the Bronze. The two guys are still almost-naked and dancing against their will in the cages. MALE SINGER: What is wrong here? What is wrong here? What is wrong with you? We see Amy and Willow on the upper level, leaning on the railing looking down, smiling. MALE SINGER: What is wrong here? What is wrong here? Where is your head? WILLOW: You know, this music isn't quite... Willow gestures. The male singer of Virgil morphs into the female singer of Halo Friendlies. The other members of Virgil morph into members of Halo Friendlies too in background. FEMALE SINGER: I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be alone BACKUP SINGERS: No no no! FEMALE SINGER: I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go it alone Amy and Willow grin happily, look at the dancing boys. FEMALE SINGER: Every time I see you I can't find the words to say Amy looks down at the lower level, makes a gesture. A white-clad demon(?) appears, floating over the dancers' heads. FEMALE SINGER: I just wanna turn and run away Willow makes a gesture at two guys standing side-by-side. One guy begins to shrink while the other grows very large, both looking around and yelling in confusion. Amy makes a gesture and turns a bunch of dancers into sheep. Willow and Amy grin at each other. Pan across the room with various bolts of magic swirling around, people floating in the air, etc. Willow makes another gesture, grinning widely. Cut to the abandoned building. Spike punches Buffy in the face, hard. She punches him twice, then shoves him back. He stumbles back against the refrigerator -- we're in the kitchen of an abandoned house. Buffy kicks Spike and he flies back into the living room. It's mostly gutted with just one chair, a pile of bricks in the corner, etc. Buffy strides into the room after Spike, stands watching as he gets up. SPIKE: (grinning) Oh, poor little lost girl. He jumps up, grabs the chandelier. Swings forward on it and kicks Buffy in the face with both his feet. She goes down. SPIKE: (drops to the floor) She doesn't fit in anywhere. She's got no one to love. He walks over to Buffy, who gets up, grabs him, throws him against the staircase leading upstairs, smashing the banister to bits. Buffy walks toward him. BUFFY: Me? I'm lost? Look at you, you idiot! (Spike getting up) Poor Spikey. Can't be a human, can't be a vampire. Where the hell do you fit in? Spike swings at her but she ducks, punches him in the stomach, grabs him and throws him across the room again. He smashes into the fireplace. Buffy walks toward him again. BUFFY: Your job is to kill the slayer. But all you can do is follow me around making moon eyes. SPIKE: I'm in love with you. BUFFY: (still advancing) You're in love with pain. Admit it. (Spike gets up) You like me ... because you enjoy getting beat down. So really, who's screwed up? SPIKE: Hello! Vampire! He swings at her again, but she blocks and punches him. Spike grabs her, pulls her closer. SPIKE: I'm supposed to be treading on the dark side. He throws her against the wall. A big hole in the plaster where she hit. Spike goes over to her, throws her across the room again. She lands on her back. Spike stands over her, leans down, grabs her by the front lapels of her jacket. SPIKE: What's your excuse? Buffy puts her hand over his face, shoves him away. He flies backward, taking a chunk out of a wall. He staggers to his feet. Buffy leaps at him and they fly back toward the staircase. Cut to the Bronze. Willow and Amy still stand looking down. The music continues. Various people are floating around, bolts of magic randomly turning them into various costumes and such. FEMALE SINGER: I can't find the time and place to say what I need to say... WILLOW: So, we've kinda played this scene. AMY: Yeah. WILLOW: (gestures) Return. The band turns back into Virgil. Everything else returns to normal too. MALE SINGER: What is wrong with you? The two dancing guys reappear, fully clothed, by the pool tables. They stare at each other, then see some cute girls go by, and walk off in pursuit. WILLOW: I, I just keep thinking ... there's gotta be someplace, like, bigger than this. Overhead shot of the room, now back to normal with people dancing and such. AMY: Besides, it's way too early to go home yet. Willow smiles. Cut back to the abandoned house. Spike has Buffy pinned against the stairs. He chuckles. Buffy punches him. He punches her back, lifts her up to look in her face. SPIKE: I wasn't planning on hurting you. (smirks) Much. BUFFY: You haven't even come close to hurting me. SPIKE: Afraid to give me the chance? Buffy breaks his hold, throws him against a wall. Another big hole in the wall where he hits. Shot of cracks appearing in the wall. Buffy grabs Spike and pushes him up against the wall. SPIKE: You afraid I'm gonna- Buffy shuts him up by kissing him. They kiss passionately. Buffy slams her hand into the wall, creating another hole, to get her arm around Spike's neck. Shot of pieces of the ceiling separating from each other. Buffy and Spike move away from the wall, still kissing. Spike slams Buffy up against another section of wall. Above their heads, cracks appear and widen, moving up toward the ceiling. More kissing. Buffy shoves Spike away, follows him as he stumbles backward across the room. She pushes him again and continues following. Behind her, a huge piece of ceiling falls onto the spot where they were just standing. Buffy shoves Spike up against another wall, resumes kissing him. He lifts her up against him with her legs around his waist. Buffy reaches her hand down between their bodies. Sound of a zipper. More kissing. Buffy lifts herself up and thrusts her body against Spike's. Spike looks shocked. They stare at each other for a moment. Then Buffy begins to move up and down, slowly, making an expression of pleasure. [note: if you don't know what's going on here, you're probably too young to be reading this!] They resume kissing. Spike turns them around and pushes Buffy up against the wall. She reaches one arm up and grabs the wall behind her to steady herself. Long shot of the two of them. The chandelier falls from the ceiling, smashes on the floor. Pieces of the house continue to fall down, floorboards breaking apart. Buffy and Spike continue kissing and, you know, moving against each other. More stuff falls from the ceiling, walls disintegrating, etc. Buffy leans her head back against the wall, gasping and panting. Spike rests his head on her chest. Buffy leans forward to wrap her arms around Spike and they fall backward. The entire floor gives way and they fall through to the basement level, landing there in a huge cloud of debris and dust and bricks, etc. Spike lands on his back with Buffy on top of him. They stare into each other's eyes, both panting. Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon.

Plan: A: Buffy; Q: Who is ashamed of sleeping with Spike? A: Willow; Q: Who is exhausted from casting spells all night? A: Amy; Q: Who takes Willow to a sorcerer named Rack? A: a movie; Q: What do Willow and Dawn go out for? A: danger; Q: What does Willow's recklessness with magic put Dawn's life in? Summary: When they return home from their nights out, Buffy is ashamed of having slept with Spike and Willow is exhausted from casting spells all night. Amy takes Willow to a sorcerer named Rack whose particular brand of magic quickly has Willow hooked. Later, Willow and Dawn decide to go out for a movie, but Willow's recklessness with magic puts Dawn's life in danger.

Act 1 Scene 1 - Frasier's Apartment [Fade in. Martin comes out of his room in a robe. Frasier and Daphne are at the table.] Frasier: Dad, why aren't you dressed? It's four in the afternoon. Martin: Oh, I've been workin' nights. My body clock's off. I'm eating bacon and eggs at night and drinking beer in the morning. [He pours himself a cup of coffee.] Frasier: That's what you always do. Martin: Yeah, but now I'm tired all the time. [He takes his coffee and sits in his chair.] Daphne: There must be some way to end this fight with your boss. Frasier: What's the problem? Martin: Oh, he wants me to date his sister and I won't do it so he's put me on graveyard 'til I cave. Frasier: Well, he can't do that. Why don't you file a complaint? Martin: I'd just as soon keep it just between the two of us. Frasier: I see. Is this woman really so repulsive that you're willing to sacrifice all your nights just to avoid a date with her? Martin: Well, let me put it this way: years of chewing tobacco have discolored her tooth. [He breaks out laughing.] Martin: Someone left a book of one-liners in the lost and found. [pointing to the television] Hey, Fraizh, there's your friend again. Daphne: Dr. Phil? Announcer:: [from the TV] ...Dr. Phil McGraw, in person. [The scene shifts to show the television. Dr. Phil is on.] Phil: I'll be talking about life strategies at the State Theater Friday through Sunday. Come join us, it might just change your life. [Cut to - the living room.] Martin: Now there's a doctor. [Frasier looks put out by this.] Daphne: I never knew you were friends with Dr. Phil. Frasier: Some years back we found ourselves running into each other at seminars and conferences. He's an excellent therapist. We had a bit of a clash over ethics. Daphne: Oh, really. What did you do, sleep with a patient? Frasier: Not MY ethics, his. The man bilked me out of two hundred dollars in a card game. Martin: He did not bilk you, it's called a one-eyed jack. Frasier: Yes, yes, there is one eye, but the other eye is there by implication! Therefore, the hand should have been a do-over. And you can ask Niles about this too! As far as I'm concerned, the man owes me two hundred dollars. Martin: This guy is so cheap, he could squeeze a nickel 'til the buffalo chokes. [He laughs again. Frasier and Daphne roll their eyes.] Frasier: Dad, exactly how old is this book of one-liners? Martin: How old? You're asking me how old? Well, I'll tell you how old. [He picks up the joke book and opens it.] Martin: 1956. [Frasier looks to Daphne, who's just shaking her head. Fade out.] Scene 2 - Cafe Nervosa [Fade in. Frasier and Roz are at a table together.] Roz: Oh, Frasier. Daphne told me all about Dr. Phil. I can't believe you know him. Do you think you can get me in backstage? Frasier: Roz, I really hadn't planned on seeing him. Roz: Oh, jealous, huh? That's okay, I understand. Frasier: I most certainly am not jealous. The man happens to owe me two hundred dollars. Roz: Right. But you know who could help you with your jealousy? Dr. Phil. He'd be like "So your jealousy of me has taken over your life. How's that workin' for ya?" Frasier: Yes, and I'd be like "Fine. My money, sir." Roz: Please? Please do it for me, please? Frasier: Well, all right, all right. Roz: Oh, thank you. [She grabs her things and gets up.] Roz: All right, I'll see you at work. Frasier: Yeah, okay. [She heads for the door and Gertrude brings Frasier's coffee over.] Gertrude: Here ya go. I couldn't remember if you wanted it black or not, so I brought it both ways. Frasier: Well, that's very thoughtful of you. Thank you. [He hands back the unwanted cup.] Gertrude: No, you might as well keep it, you're payin' for both. [She walks off. Daphne and Niles walk in and join Frasier.] Daphne: Hello. Frasier: Oh, hi, Daph. Daphne: Niles, look who's here. Niles: Oh, isn't that adorable? You see this couple, we've seen them in the park a few times. They're so sweet together. We like to think of them as us when we're older. Daphne: Look how old Niles still puts his jacket around old Daphne's shoulders. [The old woman kisses her companion.] Niles: Oh, she's still a saucy little kitten. Daphne: And I'll be he still rolls over in the middle of the night. Frasier: Yes, the picture is gotten, thank you. Niles: Oh, I think I've found old Frasier. [Daphne looks around.] Daphne: Oh, yeah. [Frasier turns around to see an old man sitting on the window bench, knitting.] Frasier: I see. Well I hope the two of you will understand if, in future, I choose to knit scarves only for myself. [He gets up.] Niles: Oh, come on, we were only joking. Frasier: Yes, I know, it's all in good fun. Oh, Niles, I just remembered, I... Man: Shut up! Frasier: Excuse me? Man: Shut up! We're trying to knit! [Frasier glares at the old man and walk out. Fade out.] Scene 3 - The State Theater [Fade in. Dr. Phil comes backstage, wiping his brow. There is loud applause from the auditorium. Roz and Frasier are standing behind a security rope.] Roz: Dr. Phil! Dr. Phil, over here! Frasier: Roz, please! At least attempt to be cool. Phil, Phil! Phil: Well Frasier Crane, is that you? Frasier: Most assuredly. Phil: Oh, it's you all right. [He comes over and they pat each other on the back.] Phil: So, how are you? Frasier: I'm fine, I'm fine. How's Robin? Phil: She's great. Can you believe it? We're goin' on twenty- seven years. Frasier: Congratulations. Phil: And how's Lilith? Frasier: Well, we've been divorced now for ten years. Phil: Congratulations. [The slap each other on the back again, laughing. Roz reaches out and shakes his hand.] Roz: Hi, I'm Roz Doyle, I'm Frasier's producer. I just think you're wonderful, I think your show is great and you're truly a wise man, do you know Tom Hanks? Phil: Uh, no. But thanks for the compliment. [He motions to a security man.] Phil: They'll come on through. Frasier: Oh, thank you, thanks. [He and Roz follow Phil across the backstage area.] Phil: Come on. So, Frasier, how's your show? Frasier: Oh, huge. Thank you. Roz: We just added Spokane last year. Frasier: And a station in St. Paul... has agreed to let me send them a tape. Phil: Can you believe after all that time we spent in the seminars that we both turned out to be broadcasters? Boy, those were some good times, weren't they? Frasier: Oh, indeed they were. Although... sometimes the fun and games were lacking in fun. Phil: Are you still whinin' about that two hundred bucks? Frasier: Well, it's the principle of the thing! I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, why don't we just discuss it over dinner? Phil: Love to, can't. I am so busy: personal appearances and book signings and interviews. I've got this agent that's got me goin' twenty five/eight. In fact, speak of the devil, here she comes. [Bebe Glaser, Frasier's former agent, comes over and hugs Phil.] Bebe: Phil, darling! That was sensational. Frasier: Bebe? Bebe: Frasier! And Roz too. Phil: You guys know each other? Roz: She's my agent. Frasier: And she used to be mine. Bebe: Phil, there's a swarm of reporters in your dressing room just waiting to talk to you. Phil: I probably should be going, actually, but Roz, it was really nice to meet you. And Frasier, tell you what, let's do e-mail. Frasier: Okay. [Phil walks off.] Bebe: Isn't he marvelous? He's a cowboy wrapped in a genius wrapped in a dream... wrapped in another cowboy. Roz: I cannot believe that I have the same agent as Dr. Phil! Bebe: Actually, you don't. Somebody as big as Dr. Phil needs all of my attention. But rest assured you are being handled ably by an agent in whom I have the utmost confidence. Roz: Who is it? Bebe: I want to say Tim... Roz: I think I need to make a phone call. Frasier: Yeah. [She rushes off.] Frasier: So, Bebe. However did you land Dr. Phil? Bebe: We met about a year ago a a charity donkey basketball game. Frasier: Donkey basketball? Bebe: Texas, darling. It's like the symphony to them. Long story short, I gave him some advice and finally he hired me full time. Frasier: Well, congratulations. Bebe: You can't imagine the connections I have these days. If only you and I had... well, that's water under the bridge, I guess. It's fun catching up, but Phil's interviewing stylists for the Emmys. Bye, Frasier. [She heads off as Roz comes back.] Roz: What a phony, huh? Frasier: [crestfallen] She used to be my phony. [He stands there in misery. Fade out.] Scene 4 - Frasier's Apartment [Fade in. Frasier is on the couch, Martin comes in from the kitchen.] Frasier: Dad, do you think I did the right thing, changing agents? I mean, the one I have now is fine, but after I've seen what Bebe's done for Phil, I can't help wondering if maybe I've denied myself access to a wider world. [Martin stares at him, unfocused.] Frasier: Dad, are you all right? Martin: Oh, I'm sorry. I haven't talked to anybody for a few days, it feels kinda strange. Even this is makin' me a little uncomfortable. [He heads for his room.] Frasier: Dad, you have got to stop with the graveyard shifts or you're going to start seeing apparitions. Martin: No, don't worry about me, I'm pretty tough. Listen, I'd love to stay here talkin' to you, but all this sunlight is makin' me dizzy. Frasier: What, you don't like the sun? Martin: Us night-shift guys call it "the scare ball." [He goes off to his room as the doorbell rings. Frasier gets up and answers it to reveal Bebe holding a box.] Frasier: Oh, Bebe. Bebe: Hello, darling, I came across this old box of Frasier strategy memos and I thought I'd bring them by to you. [He takes the box and puts it down as she comes in.] Frasier: Oh, I didn't realize there was so much. Bebe: And you thought I didn't work hard. Frasier: Now, now there's no need to take that tone, things have certainly worked out okay for you, wouldn't you say? Bebe: Too true. But I can't be blamed for being a bit of a bitter Bebe. No one likes being tossed aside for a younger woman. [She sits on the couch.] Frasier: Oh, Bebe, you know very well I only changed agents because you were ignoring me in favor of another client. [He sits down next to her.] Bebe: I wasn't ignoring you! I was only getting some much needed critical distance for a final glorious Frasierian push. But let's not rehash the past. Frasier: Agreed. We accomplished too much together to stop being friends now. Bebe: True. Frasier, have you ever wondered what it would be like if I could apply what I've learned to you? Frasier: Yes I have. But it cannot be. Can it? Bebe: Dangerous thoughts. You're a siren, luring me to the rocks. But I must resist or you'll hurt me again. [She rises and Frasier follows suit.] Frasier: No, I'm no siren, I'm a man. A man with ambitions. Bebe: "Ambition." The word is candy to me. Damn you, devil-man, I must go. I'm all confused and woozy... [She head for the door.] Frasier: I understand. But what about me? Bebe: Very well. Be at my hotel tonight for dinner. Perhaps you'll show me just how serious you are. [She winks and exits to the elevator. Frasier closes the door, a worried look crossing his face. Fade out.] Act 2 Scene 1 - Cafe Nervosa [Fade in. Frasier and Niles are at a table.] Niles: I think I figured it out: Bebe wants to have s*x with a human male to bring about the Apocalypse. Frasier: Perhaps. But here's my theory: Bebe's had a thing for me for years. This, coupled with the fact that control is an aphrodisiac for her, it's not surprising to find that she hopes to parlay her advantage into a sexual conquest. Niles: But surely you don't intend to let the promise of wealth and exposure lure you into her bed. Frasier: It's not gonna come to that. It's all about the dance. It's all about the possibility of s*x, the promise that's never delivered that keeps them tantalized. One only needs to know how not to cross the line. Niles: Excuse me, but didn't you sleep with her once? Frasier: Yes, that's how I know where the line is. I almost feel sorry for her. Just another helpless woman suffering from an unslakable thirst for... Together: Crane! [The clink their coffee cups.] Niles: Still, I can't help thinking there's something Faustian about this whole thing. [Frasier laughs as he gets up.] Frasier: Faust was a moron. I'm gonna be a star! [He leaves, passing Daphne as she comes in.] Frasier: Hi, Daph. Daphne: Hello. [to counterman] A latte please. Niles: Hello, Darling. Daphne: Hello. [They kiss.] Daphne: Did you see who's here? Niles: Yes. [As they sit, they look over at the "Old Niles and Daphne" at the window seat.] Daphne: I wonder if you'll still be stirring my coffee like that when we're in our golden years. Niles: Yes. And I know that a touch from you then will be just as sweet as it is today. [Another elderly woman (Mildred) comes in the door.] Mildred: So this is where you've been going! And with this tramp from water aerobics! Old Daphne: Who are you? Mildred: I'm his wife! Old Daphne: You're married?! Old Niles: I can explain! Mildred: Don't bother, you worm! [She grabs him by the ear and drags him up.] Mildred: You promised that was it the last time! [She slaps him on the back, pushing him out the door. Niles and Daphne look very put off at this aspect of their "future selves." Fade out.] Scene 2 - Bebe's Hotel Room [SCENE_BREAK] IF AT FAUST YOU DON'T SUCCEED... [Soft singing can be heard. There is a knock at the door and Bebe answers it.] Bebe: Frasier, come in. [He enters.] Frasier: How did you know it was me? Bebe: I felt a certain tingle in the knob. Frasier: Indeed. Well, I see Phil has landed you in the lap of luxury. Bebe: Yes, it's a lovely suite. Unfortunately, there's some sort of choir championship this weekend and they practice at all hours. [She closes the drapes.] Frasier: Is it Madrigal Madness already? I had no idea it was this close to Whitsun. Bebe: Please, darling, sit. I'll pour the champagne. [Frasier sits down.] Frasier: I suppose a drop wouldn't hurt. So, you give any thought to taking me on again? Bebe: Yes I have. And I have to say there's almost nothing I'd enjoy more. Frasier: Wonderful. [She hands him his champagne.] Bebe: But first, let's talk about what I'd enjoy more. Frasier: You want more than ten percent? Bebe: I want you. And "yes" to the other thing. Frasier: Gosh, Bebe. I'm terribly flattered, it's just that, uh... Bebe: Frasier, a few years ago I let down my guard and succumbed to your advances. Frasier: You seduced ME! Bebe: It changed me, Frasier. If I crave your touch again, you've only yourself to blame. Frasier: I'm not going to say that you're not a beautiful woman, but is it wise for us to jump into a relationship? [She starts running her hands over him.] Bebe: I'm only talking about having a little fun. After all, when I'm having fun, I'm happy. When I'm happy, I work harder. When I work harder, you become famous and rich and powerful. That's what you want, isn't it? Fame and power? Frasier: I, I like to think of it more as influence, really, but... Bebe: I'll bet I can make you bigger than Dr. Phil! Frasier: Is that running water I hear? [She walks across the room and poses in a doorway.] Bebe: Yes, I'm steaming the wrinkles out of a dress. Does it put you in mind of a tropic night? A moonlit stroll, the rhythmic lapping of waves against the shore... Frasier: You know, if it's silk the steam could damage it. Bebe: Wait right here. Frasier: Gosh, I better open a window. [She heads into the bedroom.] Bebe: Yes, darling, let the night in while I slip into something a little more comfortable. [Frasier opens the drapes, letting in a flashing red light.] Frasier: Well, if you want comfortable, how about that sweater ensemble I saw you in this morning. [He opens the window and the choir music grows louder, a low, somewhat ominous Gregorian chant. Bebe comes in from the other room, dressed in a black nightgown, the steam billowing up behind her.] Frasier: Bebe... Bebe: Join me, Frasier. I'll make your dreams come true. Frasier: But... at what cost? Bebe: What I'm offering you is priceless. Come, Frasier. [She beckons him with her finger and he steps into the bedroom, entranced.] Frasier: I CAN'T! [He runs for the door, making panicked noises. He pulls the door open, reels upon seeing that he's in Suite 666, then rushes out. Fade out.] Scene 3 - Martin's Job [Fade in. Martin is at the security desk, the time of 3:15 A.M. is down in the corner for a moment. He lets out a sigh, then drums his hands on the countertop. He gets into the drumming, finishing off by ringing the call bell on the counter. Then he goes over and feeds a sheet of paper into the shredder. He then pulls off his clip-on tie and feeds it into the shredder. Fade out. Fade in. It is now 4:20 A.M. Martin has made a lasso of an extension cord and throws it over a rolling chair, reeling it in, throwing it down, and "branding" it with his cane. Fade out. Fade in. 5:25 A.M. Martin is sitting in the chair, holding a CO2 fire extinguisher. He lifts the nozzle and points it away from himself.] Martin: Roger, you are go for lift-off. God speed, Martin Six. [He presses the handle and jets backwards across the floor. Fade out. Fade in. 5:29 A.M. The timer bell goes off on the microwave oven. Martin pulls out a bag of popcorn that is slightly burned. He makes a noise of pain and sets it down on top of the shredder bin, where it ignites the loose coils of paper. Worried, he grabs the fire extinguisher and tries to put the flames out, but it's empty and he has to try to pound the fire out with the base of the extinguisher. Another security guard comes in.] Supervisor: What the hell's goin' on? Martin: Oh, geez. [He grabs his tie and puts it back on.] Martin: Just sort of a minor accident here. But don't worry about it, everything's under control. [He turns back around and the other guard notices his ties is shredded. Martin has time for one quick guilty look just before the sprinklers go off.] Martin: So, what time do you want me to pick up your sister? [His supervisor just shakes his head. Fade out.] Scene 4 - Cafe Nervosa [Fade in. Roz and Frasier are sitting at a table. Bebe comes in.] Bebe: Well, if it isn't the first couple of radio. I knew I'd find you here. Frasier: [rising] Bebe, shouldn't you be in Los Angeles with Dr Phil? Bebe: That's up to you, Frasier. [They sit.] Frasier: I don't understand. Bebe: Well, after our... meeting last night, I had to ask myself a very difficult question: Am I really that happy with Dr. Phil if I'm entertaining thoughts of returning to you? Frasier: Are you saying you'll have me back? Bebe: How could I refuse you? Dr. Phil has been amusing, but I need a project. I need a Frasier Crane! Frasier: Well, that's wonderful. Bebe: Incidentally, Dr. Phil paid me fifteen percent. Frasier: Well, as will Dr. Frasier. I've just got one very difficult call to make to my agent. Bebe: Already handled. I also took the liberty of calling Spokane, the terms of your deal there were worse than abysmal. Frasier: Great, great! You got me more money? Bebe: No, they wouldn't budge, so you quit! You're no longer on in Spokane, isn't it exciting? Roz: Wait a minute, that is a step backwards! Bebe: All the better to get a running start. In my opinion, the future is firmly in front of us. Congratulations, Frasier. [She rises, and Frasier gives her a hug goodbye.] Frasier: Oh, thank you, Bebe, thank you so much. I'll call you tomorrow. [She leaves.] Frasier: Gosh, Roz, isn't that great news? I feel as if a weight has been lifted from me. Oh, it's marvelous! Roz: She's charging you more money and we just lost Spokane. Frasier: Big picture! The future is firmly in front of me! Roz: [rising] Isn't the future always in front of you? Frasier: Yes, but not firmly! [He exits, leaving behind a worried Roz. Fade out.] Scene 5 - Bebe's Hotel Room [Fade in. Bebe is playing poker with Dr. Phil. She has a huge stack of chips compared to his.] Bebe: Well, my little lamb has bleated back to me. Frasier has rejoined the flock. Phil: So my debt is cleared? We don't have to keep pretending you're my agent? Bebe: We're square, darling. And maybe the next time you gamble with Bebe, you'll pay your debts with cash. Phil: See, the problem is my wife looks at the bank statements and if she knew I was losing money playing cards, she would kill me. Bebe: So, your wife doesn't know you play poker. Phil: I don't tell her everything. Bebe: I see. And how's that workin' for you? Phil: Just deal the cards. [He throws in his ante and she starts shuffling. Fade out.] [SCENE_BREAK] Niles and Daphne are at Cafe Nervosa. She notices that "Old Niles" is there with yet another woman. She becomes upset, but Niles calms her. Then Old Niles kisses the woman's hand and Daphne gets really worked up. She starts over several times, only to be pulled back by Niles. Finally he takes her hand and escorts her out the door. At the last minute, she leans down to tell the woman about her companion. Furious, the woman pokes at him as he gets up and rushes out.

Plan: A: Dr. Phil McGraw; Q: Who does Frasier encounter? A: years; Q: How long ago did Frasier know Dr. Phil? A: a card game; Q: What did Dr. Phil win $200 from Frasier in? A: his television broadcasts; Q: What does everyone else admire Dr. Phil for? A: Bebe Glazer; Q: Who is Dr. Phil's agent? A: plans; Q: What does Bebe have for Frasier? A: her client; Q: Who does Bebe Glazer want Frasier to be? Summary: Frasier encounters Dr. Phil McGraw , whom he used to know years previously. Unfortunately, Frasier's one enduring memory is that Dr. Phil won $200 from him in a card game. Everyone else, especially Roz, admires him greatly for his television broadcasts. Frasier also makes the astonishing discovery that his former agent, Bebe Glazer, is now working for Dr. Phil. She, however, now has plans for persuading Frasier to return as her client, and will use any methods at her disposal to achieve her aim.

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Carl: Lick the floor! I said now! [All scream] Walker: What do you say, friend? Isn't it time to sell? Raylan: It is time to sell, but not to you. Walker: You have second thoughts, you'll have no trouble finding me. Boyd: If I were to come into a good sum, would you come away with me? Ava: No. I don't want to hear this. How much money you comin' into, Boyd? Boyd: Looks like a ledger, some deeds. Carl: Where's all the money?! The pig: We got the wrong box. Boyd: No, we got the right box. Dewey: I just want back in, Boyd. I just want you to trust me again. Carl: You think he was a rat for the federals? Boyd: I think I couldn't trust him anymore. Raylan: We're talking about the bank job Boyd pulled off this afternoon. Ava: First I heard of it. Raylan: That's gonna be your line? Ava: It's the truth. Raylan: The problem is, if you didn't know about it, then you're of no use to us, in which case, you're going back to prison. [sniffs] [Indistinct talking on radio] [Door hinges creak] [Dog barking in distance] [Gasps] Boyd: Whoa! Whoa. [grunts] Boyd: Ava... [sighs] Boyd: Easy, girl. It's just me. Jesus Christ, what are you doing?! Boyd: Uh, well, I ... I couldn't sleep and ought I'd come and finish up those railings, but I ... I couldn't find any paint. Dewey was supposed to drop some off. You ain't seen him around, have you? Ava: Dewey? No. And what I mean is, what are you doing here, Boyd? I mean, you can't just show up unannounced. Well, do you want me to leave? Ava: That's what I'm saying, yeah. [Sighs] Where exactly is it that you meant? Boyd: Excuse me? Ava: You said you wanted to leave this place, take me with you. I was wondering where exactly it was you had in mind. Boyd: Honestly... I'll go wherever you want to go, Ava... As long as it means I get to be with you. Ava: What if I said... Iceland? Boyd: [laughs] Uh, well, I don't own a coat that big, but... if that's where you want to call home, I could probably pick one up. That's a good answer, Boyd. Boyd: Well, I'm happy it pleases you. I guess I'll be on my way. Ava: [sighs] [Car door opens, closes] [Engine turns over] [Engine revs] Tim: I don't know, man. She doesn't look like a nazi. Raylan: I ain't saying she's a nazi. I'm just saying she grew up near Sukey Ridge. Boyd's skinheads used to train up there ... what he called his Christian Aggression church. Tim: Well, if she is a nazi, would you still sleep with her? Should she be walking by now? Tim: Oh, good, so that is your kid. I was worried that was some random internet baby. Raylan: Yeah, I got tired of the cat videos. Tim: Bureau's finishing up. [Telephone rings, computer beeps] Sure you don't want to change your position? Raylan: Listen to me, there are two kinds of folks living up in them Hollers. Tim: Mm-hmm. One, sympathizers with Boyd. They grew up on welfare, but they still don't trust the government. They won't talk to census takers, and they think we're gonna come take their guns away. Tim: And the other? Rachel: This is the part where you say, "I told you so." Vasquez: Says all she saw were guns and feet. How'd she seem? Rachel: Scared to death of Boyd Crowder. Raylan: That's the other kind. Rachel: You want to know what I was thinking? Raylan: Always. Rachel: You two head down to Harlan, interview the box owners who were robbed. Find out what was taken and catch Boyd in possession of stolen goods. Raylan: Okeydokey. [chuckles] Raylan: What? Rachel: I just figured you might want to go at Boyd directly. Raylan: No. I want to keep building a RICO case like we've been doing. Besides, we don't have to go at him directly ... we got Ava. Vasquez: [chuckles] 'Cause she was so helpful getting us ahead of the bank robbery. She's on our side. Give her time. Vasquez: Yeah. [Sighs] Is that what I'm supposed to tell the Attorney General? Raylan: Tell him what you want. If you'd like, you could tell him that we're working the case, we'll have something soon. Vasquez: That the truth? Raylan: If you stop asking me questions and let us get on the road... Rachel: All right. Keep me posted. [Telephone rings] [Tires squeal, screech] [Car door opens, closes] Walker: Glorious morning, isn't it? Betty: That what you're selling? Walker: If you mean positivity and charm, then perhaps I am. Betty: Don't know what's more slick ... your mouth or your ride. You believe in all my days, I've never driven a Mercedes. Walker: Well, uh, take her for a spin? Betty: Handsome young man comes to my house, spewing sunshine, offering a ride in his Mercedes ... feels like maybe I'm chatting with the devil himself. John-O: What's this about? Walker: I come to offer you an opportunity to depart this burdensome homestead, live the rest of your days free as newborn babes. Betty: Oh... I was right ... you are the devil. Walker: No, ma'am, just a man with a plan. John-O: You know, another fella already came by ... Uh, uh, Calhoun something. Walker: Schreier. He works for me. John-O: Ah, then you know I already told him this property ain't for sale. Walker: That is affirmative. You are entrenched, he told me. I said I will increase my offer 20%. Turning us down then would be an act of insanity. [Both chuckle] Betty: My husband's grandparents discovered this plot, built the house themselves. We have farmed this land best we could. I taught English at Evarts High School for 26 years to keep us afloat during the lean harvests. It's a legacy, you see? And one we don't intend to discard. Walker: Well... nothing lasts forever. John-O: Except this conversation, it seems. Walker: Oh, you do not want to send me away empty-handed. John-O: What I hear, we wouldn't be the first. After Calhoun came by, I asked around. I ... I know you've been chasing the Givens' property. I know he turned you down. Walker: We'll have the Givens' property soon enough... and yours, too. How that comes to pass depends entirely on you. John-O: Now, I'm gonna tell you something, and I want you to listen ... There ain't no version of this story that ends with us selling this house to some peacock. Walker: What did you call me? John-O: You heard me. Walker: Peacock? I... I come here in peace... [Sniffs] ... try to change your lives, and you call me a peacock? A goddamn peacock. "Peacock?" [Title theme plays] ♪ On this lonely road, trying to make it home ♪ ♪ Doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul, god, get at your boy ♪ ♪ You try to bogard, fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ On this lonely road, trying to make it home ♪ ♪ Doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪ Katherine: You were supposed to find out where Calhoun's keeping his cash and steal it, not raid his filing cabinet. Boyd: Assuming he has cash at all and you two ain't been wasting my goddamn time. Katherine: He has it. Boyd: Is that what I'm supposed to tell the three pissed-off rednecks who work for me?! Katherine: The money is there. You just have to try little harder, Boyd. Wynn: You check his office for a secret safe? Boyd: 'Course. Wynn: And his home? Boyd: And his mama's home and the trunk of his blue Cadillac. If he has $3 million in cash, he hasn't gone near it in the last two weeks. I could use a cut while you're at it. Katherine: You know, there is another possibility we should discuss. Boyd: Which would be? [sighs] Boyd: You asking me if I have millions of dollars hidden under my sofa? Katherine: Put yourself in my shoes, Boyd. Boyd: Well, I don't know, Katherine. They look mighty uncomfortable. Wynn: It's a fair question, Boyd. Boyd: You accusing me? Wynn: Answer the question, Boyd. Boyd: If I had taken that money, I'd be halfway to Mexico by now, wearing a smile and my Ray-Bans, not sitting here taking questions from a woman I hardly know and a man who should've known better than to ask me in the first place. {*} Now, you gonna get me that cup of coffee, or should I get it myself? Katherine: You can get it yourself. Boyd: Ah, well, so much for Southern hospitality. Wynn: This ledger might be something. Offshore bank accounts, transaction amounts, dates. This might be his life raft. Boyd: You better hope it's worth my cut of $3 million. Wynn: I think it's worth a shot. Boyd: I'll be in touch. Katherine: How's Ava doing, Boyd? It must have been quite a shock, her getting out of prison the way she did. Boyd: You want to chat about movies or politics or how I take my coffee, I'm happy to oblige, but ain't no way in hell I'm gonna talk to you about my fiancã©e. Katherine: I just simply asked how she was doing. Wynn: Man's had a rough night. What do you say we let him be? [Door closes] We can't gang up on him, Katherine. Katherine: You're as concerned about her release as I am. Wynn: I know how to handle the hillbilly. Have a little faith. Calhoun: Goddamn. I knew it was only a matter of time before you walked through my door. Raylan: Calhoun. Calhoun: Tired of waiting for that old place to sell itself, huh? Well, you have come to the right man. Calhoun Schreier. Pleased to meet you. I guess Raylan told you I'm the best damn realtor this side of the Mason-Dixon. Tim: No, he didn't mention that. Calhoun: God's honest truth. Nobody moves more property in Harlan County ... nobody. And you know why that is? I know what makes people feel safe, the place that helps them go to sleep at night. Fact is, I put my money where my mouth is. Raylan: Not why we're here. Calhoun: I don't sell Arlo's place in 30 days, you pay me no commission. Raylan: No sh1t? Calhoun: Fact is, I already have an interested party. Tim: All right, look, as big a boner as all this real-estate talk is giving me, that's no actually why we're ... [Toilet flushes] Calhoun: That's him. Raylan: That's who? Calhoun: The interested party. You just let me do all the talking, and we'll close the deal right here, right now. Raylan Givens, home seller, meet Ty Walker, home buyer. Walker: Ah, came to your senses, did you? Decided to take my offer. Raylan: No, I didn't. We're here to talk to you about your safe-deposit box, Calhoun. Calhoun: Safe-deposit box? Judging by the blank look on your face, I'm gonna go ahead and say you are not aware that your safe-deposit box at First River Bank was robbed. Walker: [blows nose] Calhoun: No. I also didn't know that Marshals handled bank robberies. Tim: Oh, sure, we're interested in all sorts of fun crime stuff. Raylan: We're just taking inventory of stolen items in case they turn up in the course of our investigation. Calhoun: Well, I wish I could help, but my box is empty. Tim: Well, did you take something out the day before? Records indicate you accessed the box the day before the robbery. Calhoun: At which time I took everything out ... mostly just paperwork, client documents, and such. Nothing exciting. Walker: Well, I am relieved to hear that nothing of value was stolen. [Cellphone vibrates] Any notion of a suspect? Tim: You have any notion of how an investigation works? Walker: [mockingly] Only what I done seen on the TV. Tim: Does it rock your world I told you we don't discuss open cases with every Joe dipshit we meet on the street? Walker: Ah... you're kind of a dick, huh, guy? Raylan: Calhoun, you think of anything might ha slipped your mind, give us a call, huh? Calhoun: Let me know about representing your place. Raylan: Mm-hmm. [Door opens, closes] [Cellphone dials] [Ringing] Walker: You being square with those boys that your box was empty? Calhoun: 'Course I was. Walker: Yeah, you still outside? Those two guys that just left ... I'm gonna need you to follow them. [Cellphone beeps] Calhoun: That smart? Following the Marshals? Walker: Hasn't occurred to you for one second that you might have been the target of that robbery? Calhoun: Well, why would I be the target? Walker: Well, I'm sure I don't know, but the boss will want us to find out. So, we follow the Marshals, who lead us to a suspect, at which point we grab the guy, pull his teeth out till he tells us what we want to know, and then... probably kill him. [Laughs] I'm just kidding, Calhoun. Calhoun: [chuckles] Walker: We'll definitely kill him. Tim: 9 to 12 months, by the way. Raylan: Hmm? Tim: That's when google says babies are supposed to start walking. How old's willa? Raylan: 9 months. [Cellphone vibrates] Tim: You worried she might be, uh, behind the curve? Raylan: I just don't want to miss it. Tim: Who's that? Raylan: Ava. She wants to meet. Tim: Okay. Raylan: We still got to interview the rest of the safe-deposit-box owners. Tim: Well, it appears we're a car short. That ain't our only problem. You referring to the guy following us? Raylan: Mm-hmm. Tim: Is this anyone you recognize? Raylan: No, but he's been with us since we left Calhoun's. Tim: All right, what do you want to do? You want to flapjack him, you want to short-bus him, you want to special-attention him? Any of those even things? Tim: I'm mostly just making sh1t up. Speed up. Take this next right. Mundo: I told you, they ain't doing nothing but driving. Oh, sh1t. Hold on, hold on. [Tires screech] Hold on a second. Where they going? Oh! sh1t! Get out of the road, cock holster! Raylan: Well, that ain't polite. Just about hit me, and now you're gonna sling foul utterances in my direction? Mundo: You're in the middle of the road. I'm driving. Raylan: I can see that. Where to? Mundo: I'll call you back. It's none of your business, officer. Raylan: U.S. Marshal. Mundo: Still none of your business. Let me get this straight, son ... where you're following me to is none of my business? That's how you see it? Mundo: I'm not following you. Raylan: Step out of the car. Stretch your legs a bit. Mundo: [sighs] Raylan: Goddamn. You comfortable in this car, a man your size? Mundo: It's a little tight. Raylan: Yeah. Mundo: So, where's your buddy? Raylan: Who's that? Mundo: You know, the guy you were with. Raylan: How do you know I was with a guy if you ain't been following me? Mundo: I'm not following you. Raylan: Are you saying what I'm saying, like you or are you just repeating this bullshit about, "you ain't been following me?" Mundo: I'm not following you. Raylan: Son, are you real smart or real stupid? Mundo: Choo-Choo. Ex... Excuse me, what? Mundo: Choo-Choo. Raylan: You're saying your name is Choo-Choo? Mundo: Since I was a kid, folks called me Choo-Choo. Raylan: Because you like trains? Mundo: 'Cause when I hit you, it comes hard, it comes fast... like a choo-choo train. You want to try me? Raylan: Not today, Choo-Choo. Today, I'm just gonna take your car. [Cellphone beeps] [Ringing] Where are you? Yeah, no. Forget all that sh1t. There's someone I want you to meet. Katherine: [sighs] Markham: We should have been doing this the last 14 years. Katherine: I wasn't the one who left Kentucky. Markham: It was only a matter of time ... whoever flipped on grady flipped on me. Katherine: I know that. I didn't blame you for going. Markham: I seem to recall asking you to come with me. Katherine: My husband had just been arrested. Markham: Made me like you even more... way you stuck by him. Katherine: Yeah, it looks like you did just fine without me ... come home the big conquering hero in your rolls and your $500 boots. Markham: Yeah, well... I suppose life's been pretty good to me. Cheers. Katherine: Cheers. And there's this, which is lovely, by the way. Markham: Clean body high. Mellow. No paranoia. Katherine: Nothing but the best ... that it? Markham: Be that way from here on, if you want. Katherine: Oh, you gonna take care of me, Avery? Markham: You never needed taken care of, Katherine. Katherine: [chuckles] You know I'm a grandmother now. Markham: I do. That make you happy? Katherine: Not really. Laurel's got the nanny raising them ... some girl from the Philippines. She speaks Ilonggo to them. I don't even know what they're saying half the time. Markham: Something else bothering you? Katherine: [sighs] Markham: I get high, I get very tuned in. Katherine: Yeah. Okay, I'm worried an employee of mine's stealing from me. Markham: An employee? Katherine: Mm-hmm. Markham: You open up a doughnut shot? Katherine: The gardener. Markham: So fire him. Katherine: He's in the middle of a big landscaping project, you know? It... would be a real chore getting rid of him right now. Markham: Know what I do, keep my people loyal? Katherine: Do tell. Markham: Overpay them. Christmas bonus, Easter bonus, President's Day bonus, Pappy Van Winkle on their birthday. Don't nobody bite this hand. Katherine: Yeah, well, it must be a little harder to turn a profit, I would imagine. Markham: There's plenty to go around, and it's a small price to pay for loyalty. Katherine: All right, but what if one of them did betray you? What would you do then? Cut off a finger the way Grady used to? Markham: If cutting fingers were enough, Grady would still be alive, wouldn't he? Katherine: Well, what, then ... take out an eye? Markham: An eye? I don't know. One-eyed guy can still see, still get a driver's license, even. Both eyes maybe. That'd be a good start. [SCENE_BREAK] [Cellphone ringing] Walker: You let him take your vehicle? No, just... what's your position? Just hold there. I'll be by soon. [Cellphone beeps] Calhoun: Everything okay? Walker: Aah! [Furniture crashing] [Grunts] Aah! [Breathing heavily] What's the bank manager's name? Calhoun: What? Walker: Bank manager. The manager of your bank, the one that got robbed ... what's his name? See, the police would have spoken to your bank manager... [Cellphone vibrates] ... which means he might know something about who's suspected of stealing your safe-deposit box, so ... so who's the bank manager? Calhoun: Um, it's a woman. [Cellphone ringing] Walker: Okay? Calhoun: Do you mind if I get this? Walker: Oh, for f... Calhoun: I-If you m... I ... eh ... I-I won't if you don't want me to. Walker: Just hurry up. Calhoun: This is Calhoun. Boyd: You got my text, I presume? Calhoun: Oh, hey. Good to hear from you. Boyd: Seeing as how you really don't want to know the answer to that question, I take it now's not a good time. Calhoun: Not... this moment. Boyd: Well, then let me make this quick ... I was enjoying my morning constitutional, and lo and behold, what do I find lying on the side of the road but a stack of real-estate deeds and a ledger that I believe belong to you. Now, it seems to me that the reward for the return of such materials should be rather substantial, or else my next phone call's gonna be to your business associates, see what they got to say. Walker: Just hang up. Hang up, hang up. Calhoun: Well, I'd love to talk to you further on this, but, uh, perhaps in a few hours? - Boyd: Your office, 8:00? Calhoun: That should be fine. Boyd: And, Calhoun, when I say substantial, I mean a whole lot of money, or you and me gonna have a problem that ain't easily solved, you dig? Calhoun: Great. I-I'll see you then. [Cellphone beeps] I-Important client. Sorry. Walker: The bank manager, Calhoun. Calhoun: Uh... Oh, uh, uh, K... K... uh, K... uh... uh... uh, Judy. June... Gladys. Uh, J... J... uh, J-Joyce Kipling! Joyce Kipling. [Door opens, closes] Tim: Hey, boss. Where you headed? Ava: So, I searched it and found these. Thought they might be from that bank robbery. You know, it was kind of fun, to be honest. Felt like I was in a movie. [Chuckles] That what it's like every day for you? Raylan: How'd you know to look in the shed? Ava: Told you, I heard Boyd banging around in there. Raylan: What was he doing? He was banging around in there. Raylan: Why was he in the shed? Said that he was looking for paint, that Dewey was supposed to have dropped some off, but hadn't. Raylan: Dewey. Huh. Ava: You know, I thought this was gonna go more like, "Wow, Ava, thank you so much. This is wonderful." Raylan: Were they hidden well? These docs, were they difficult to find? Ava: I don't know ... not that hard. What are you getting at? You think he set me up? Raylan: I never said that, Ava. Ava: Oh, my god, you do think he set me up. Raylan: [sighs] How close are you two these days? Ava: Like how? Am I sleeping with him? Raylan: You think he's got any reason to suspect you? Ava: Well, sh1t, Raylan, I wouldn't have thought so 30 seconds ago. [Sighs] You saying that I'm in danger? Raylan: I don't know. Ava: If he set them up for me to take and I took them, than what the hell are we gonna do now? Raylan: Just put them back. [Music] Ava: [sighs] Man... "Get me something, Ava. Risk your life and then put them back." [Groans] I swear this man's gonna drive me insane. Seabass: Where the hell you been? Mundo: Marshal took my car, left me on the side of the road. That's where the hell I've been. Seabass: He took your car? He can't just take your car. What the hell did you do? Mundo: Hitched a ride. What else was I supposed to do? Seabass: I mean, what did you do that made the Marshal take your car? You make a friend? Mundo: Yeah. Told you I hitched a ride. That's the guy that picked me up. Get this, he was in the sandbox same time as we were. Tim: Tim. Gutterson. Rangers. Seabass: Sean. Tim: Good to see you, brother. Mundo: W-We call him Seabass on account of this state department chick he nailed in the green zone in '06. Tim: All right. They just let you boys take what you want, huh? Mundo: Yeah, our boss owns this place. I mean, I ain't gonna say no. Seabass: Can we ... Can we just back up for one second to the Marshal taking your car? Mundo: Mmm. I should have choked his cowboy ass out, left him for dead on the side of the road, but, uh, I figured someone drives by and sees, I'd have to kill them. You know, and somebody else drives by and sees, and I'd have to kill... them. You know, and another car drives by and sees and I have to kill them. You know, and... Seabass: I mean, 'cause ... Mundo: He's cool. I already told him all this sh1t anyway. Tim: Oh, yeah, yeah, we had a great talk on the drive over. He says you guys are with Tigerhawk Security? Seabass: He did, huh? Tim: Yeah, he said Tigerhawk used to have you overseas. He misses the action over there, but he likes Harlan. He likes the hills. Mundo: I do. I like the hills. Tim: You like the hills, Seabass? Seabass: No, not really. Kind of just pussy versions of mountains, you know. Tim: Yeah, you know, I was curious what exactly you boys are working on gets a Marshal to steal your car. Seabass: Listen, Tim. I-It's Tim, right? Tim: Right. Seabass: While I appreciate you helping out my buddy, I think you better be on your way. Tim: Come on, man. I ain't even finished my beer. Mundo: Don't be an asshole, Seabass. Seabass: See, t-the deal with Choo-Choo here is, he got, uh, some shrapnel in his head... Mundo: Yeah. Seabass: ... and now I spend most of my time trying to keep him from doing something stupid. Mundo: Better watch what you say in front of other people. Seabass: Watch what I say in f... Y-You just told him you were gonna kill a Marshal! Mundo: Keep disrespecting me, you're gonna ride the train. Seabass: I'm all aboard, Choo-Choo. Come on! Tim: All right. As much as I'd love to sit and hang with you guys, I should be getting back to work, but when I see the cowboy, I'll let him know what you said. W-Why would you see him? Just, you know, around in the office and all. See, I still work for Uncle Sam. I'm just with the Marshals now. Seabass: Choo-Choo, you got picked up by ... Tim: Yeah. [Chuckles] Threw me for a loop, too. I'll let my boy know he dodged a bullet. Mundo: You tell him. Then could you ask him to bring back my car? Tim: Absolutely. Caprice: Are you okay? You seem more intense than usual. Calhoun: Can I be honest with you? Caprice: Of course you can. Caprice: I don't feel well. This may be my last day on God's great Earth. Caprice: Oh, my goodness. Do you have the cancer? Calhoun: No. But I'm in trouble. Caprice: Well [sighs] you just go ahead and you get out that money, and then you can tell me all about it. Calhoun: God damn it, Raylan! We're closed! Didn't you see the sign?! Raylan: Oh, I must have missed it. Oh! I don't believe I've met Mrs. Schreier. Caprice: Ew. Gross. Sorry. - Payed you as you payed play a tap, Calhoun? {*} Especially at 6:00 P.M. on a weekday. Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens. It's okay, ma'am. You're free to go. Not you, Calhoun. You sit your ass right there. Only the truth will set you free. Calhoun: I can't, Raylan. Raylan: I know you lied to me. I know about the deeds and ledger. Caprice: You should just tell him. He could help you. Raylan: Excuse me, what? Do you want me to do it? Raylan: I would love that. Caprice: He has been buying property for a group of guys, which seemed innocent enough until he realized they're bad guys. Raylan: Chasing easy money ... best way to end up over your head. Caprice: Yeah, no sh1t, right? So, he started writing down everything he could remember, like account numbers and amounts, to protect himself. Raylan: You talking about a ledger? Caprice: Yes, a blackmail ledger, which now he's being blackmailed for, but if the bad guys find out that it exists, they're gonna kill him. Raylan: What does the blackmailer want? Caprice: I don't know... Calhoun: Cash they're using to buy up all this property. Raylan: And where's it at? Calhoun: I meet Walker, he gives me the cash. Raylan: This blackmailer, he got a longwinded, peculiar way of speaking? [car radio plays] [engine shuts off, music stops] Ava: [sighs] I thought we agreed you weren't gonna show up here unannounced. Boyd: Well, I think we need to talk, don't you? Ava: Oh, I belive we do. After you left this morning, I went back to the shed. I put everything back the way I like it. I was just about done when I found that sh1t you stashed. Boyd: So, you took my sh1t? You're damn right I did. Boyd: Why? Are you kidding? I heard about that bank got robbed! You hid what you stoled on my property, and you wonder why I took it?! I should have burned it. Boyd: Oh, I know you didn't burn it. Ava: No. I figured if you went to all the trouble to put it here, risk me getting caught and sent back to prison, oh, it must be awful important to you. Boyd: Where are they now, Ava? In the truck, on the seat! You take them, and you get them the hell off my property! [Music] [breathing shakily] [brakes squeak, engine shuts off] [doors open] [train whistle blows in distance] Raylan: Fancy seeing you here. Boyd: [chuckles softly] You know, I've never been entirely certain what that phrase is supposed to denote. Does it mean, "this gathering here must be fancy 'cause your present," or is it simply an expression of surprise between two friends or acquaintances? Raylan: Jesus, Boyd, I was just saying hello. Oh, is that why you're here, Raylan? Say hello to me? Raylan: Actually, I'm here to see Calhoun. Boyd: Oh, you finally selling Arlo's place, huh? On account of I've been transferred. Off to Florida. Boyd: Raylan Givens a father. What is the world coming to? Try and to raise that baby girl of yours up right? Better than we were, anyway. Boyd: Well, what say I make you an offer on Arlo's place right this minute, help get you on your way? You got that kind of cash, Boyd? Boyd: Oh, I'm fixing to ... soon. How's that? You gonna rob a bank, too? Apparently, First River was hit yesterday. Calhoun just left me a message, said some of his things were taken ... why he's not gonna make it over here. Boyd: Well, that is news to me. Raylan: Sounded pretty shook up about it ... being blackmailed over the return of his things. I guess he's talking to the cops right now as we speak. But here I am being rude. I haven't even asked you what you're doing here. Boyd: Oh, well, uh, the funniest thing ... I stopped off down at the depot this morning to get a cup of coffee, found some items lying on the side of the road I believe belong to our mutual friend. I took it upon myself to ensure their safe return. Raylan: Mighty Christian of you. Well, I don't know about that. I'm just following my instincts, kind of like a higher power slipping you a word. I just run with it. You see, Raylan... I've learned to thank without arguing with myself. {*} Raylan: Hmm. Well, I slip a Glock in my holster every morning, so when you hand me them items, do it slow or I'll shoot you. I think I'll just come back tomorrow. Raylan: Or... you can give them to me if you want. Why not? Save me the trip. I'd say I'll see you around, but it sounds like you won't be for very long. Raylan: Probably not. - Boyd: Does it change you? What's that? Boyd: Having a child. They say it changes a man. You think that's true? Raylan: Guess we'll see, won't we? Hmm. [Keypad beeps, lock disengages] Walker: Hi, Joyce. [woman gasps] Walker: Sorry, sorry. Didn't mean to startle you. My name's Ty Walker. I've been retained by one of the people who got their safe-deposit box stolen from your bank. Joyce: I see. Well, you know, I'm kind of tired. Why don't we talk about this tomorrow at the bank? Walker: My client, he's impatient. It'd mean an awful lot to me if we could just talk right now. Let me help you with those. Joyce: Oh, I can get it. Walker: No. I insist. There. Fingers. So, my client was wondering if the police had said anything to you at all about who they think might have done this robbery. Joyce: The police? Or perhaps you've heard rumors and innuendo elsewhere? It's a small town. I'm sure tongues are wagging. Joyce: I'm ... I'm sorry. W-Who are you again? Walker: Ty Walker. I'm a fully licensed operative. Tigerhawk Security Services. Now, you know conversations with the police are not confidential, right? There's no law, that says you can't share with me, what they shared with you. {*} [Sighs] What about eggs? Joyce: Eggs? Walker: Well, maybe you're hungry. I get like that on an empty stomach. I can't formulate a thought in my head. But... you've got bacon here, mushrooms, bell peppers, but you got eggs inside, I can teach you a thing or two about omelettes. We'll talk after you've eaten, okay? Joyce: Look, I d... I-I don't really know much, all right? Walker: Of course not, Joyce. Not expecting miracles. Joyce: Uh, uh, the only thing I know for sure is, when I was talking to them, they asked me a couple questions about a local boy ... uh, uh, Boyd Crowder. Walker: Boyd Crowder? Joyce: A-Apparently, he's done this type of thing before. Walker: Well, Joyce, that is just ever so helpful. I thank you kindly. Rain check on that omelette? Have a lovely evening. Joyce: [grunts] [distant bar music] [Door opens] [Door closes] Earl: We're closed. But I could... get you a drink. Ava: I'm Ava. Earl: Oh, sh1t. Right. You're Boyd's girl. Ava: Mm-hmm. Ava: Is he here? Earl: In the back. Let me check, make sure it's okay. Ava: [smacks lips] Earl: Boyd, your girl's here to see you. Boyd: Well, if by "my girl," you mean my fiancã©e, Ava Crowder, she does not need to be announced. Earl: Sorry, Boyd. You go on home. Lock up behind you. Perhaps something to drink? Ava: Sure. That's the first time you called me that since I got out ... your fiancã©e. Boyd: Well, it's still true, far as I know. Ice? I'll take mine straight. Reason I came by, Boyd, is I don't like where we left things off earlier. Boyd: [sighs] Well, I think you made yourself perfectly clear. Ava: No. I didn't. But now I'm going to. Boyd: [scoffs] Ava: I don't care that you left that stuff in my shed, Boyd. You can [scoffs] hide gold bricks from Fort Knox under my bed for all I care. Either we're together... or we're not. Either I'm a part of what you're doing, or I'm not. Whatever you got going on, I can handle it. Well, all right. Thank you for coming by and making yourself doubly clear. Ava: Boyd... I'm tired, Ava. Boyd... I don't want to talk about it. Boyd. [Sighs] What I'm trying to say is, is that I can't help you if you keep me in the dark. I know you robbed that bank, and I know you didn't get what you wanted ... just a bunch of land deeds. But one of those deeds wasn't like the other. Did you notice that? Boyd: What do you mean? Ava: One of those deeds was to pizza portal. Restaurant downtown? You remember? That building used to be ... Boyd: Holy sh1t. [Chuckles] [Laughs] My baby girl. Oh, you're a genius! Mnh. Uh, A-Ava, I'm ... I'm ... uh, I'm ... uh, I-I'm sorry. I'm ... I-I-I'm gonna go get us a bottle of the good bourbon, and we gonna drink it to the corners, baby! Whoo! Ava: [breathes deeply] Mm. [Gulps] [Sighs] [Vehicle approaches] [Engine shuts off] Walker: [exhales sharply] This whole thing is becoming much more work that I thought. Seabass: Still beats night recon in Fallujah. Walker: You're setting the bar pretty low there, Bass. [Music] Seabass: You know what I was thinking about today? Walker: What's that? Seabass: The Franklin sandwich at Denver biscuit company. Walker: Why would you say sh1t like that? You got me drooling all over myself. Seabass: All I can say is if I have another slice of pizza, I'm gonna lose my sh1t. [chuckles] Walker: You see what happens if you call me a peacock? [bar music] Raylan: Ah, Choo-Choo. Here you go. [clanks on the wall] Walker: Well, sh1t. We just can't stop running into each other, can we? Raylan: We ain't running into each other. I'm the cowboy from earlier. Walker: Yeah, Choo-Choo was saying. You were under the impression he was following you. Raylan: Just like some folks are under the impression you boys are here just to sell pizzas. Where'd you get all that cash? Walker: The question is, why would you turn it down? You're either on the take, or your some kind of John Wayne type. Raylan: Nothing going on down here. You're going around offering large amounts of cash for properties sight unseen. All day, I've been asking myself why. I can't figure it out. Walker: Well, it's fairly simple, really. We believe Harlan has a what, Seabass? A bright future. Walker: That's right, bright future. Raylan: All right. [Sighs] You want to buy my land, I want to see your boss. You arrange a sit-down, we'll talk. Mundo: What makes you think he ain't the HNIC? Well, Choo-Choo, the way it works, whether you're in military, law enforcement, or you sell vacuum cleaners, the boss man don't go door-to-door. Besides, just look at him. He works for someone. My guess is, he don't want to talk about it. Walker: Good night, kitten. Raylan: You know, I haven't been in this building since I was a kid. Tim: Mmm. Raylan: Used to be a bank.

Plan: A: Raylan; Q: Who does Ava show the ledger to? A: prominent realtor Calhoun Schreier; Q: Who is the prominent realtor? A: his box; Q: What did Calhoun claim to have emptied the day before the robbery? A: the Feds; Q: Who is Ty Walker apprehensive of? A: Choo-Choo; Q: Who is Ty Walker's cohort? A: the Marshals; Q: Who does Choo-Choo follow? A: an improvised scheme; Q: What kind of scheme do the Marshals use to find the Pizza Portal? A: the Marshals get Choo-Choo; Q: Who leads the Marshals back to the Pizza Portal? A: a relationship; Q: What is Katherine Hale pursuing with Avery Markham? A: Grady Hale; Q: Who was Katherine Hale's husband? A: fifteen years earlier; Q: When did Avery leave Kentucky? A: another old family farm; Q: What does Ty Walker try to buy? A: Sean; Q: Who does Ty Walker return to the farm with? A: the bank manager; Q: Who does Ty Walker intimidate? A: Boyd Crowder; Q: Who is the Marshals top suspect in the robbery? A: the barn; Q: Where did Ava find the ledger? A: accounts Calhoun; Q: Who has been keeping a list of details and accounts for his own protection? A: Calhoun's office; Q: Where does Boyd bring the ledger? A: anger; Q: What emotion does Ava feign? A: their relationship; Q: What does Ava try to repair? A: one; Q: How many deeds did Ava find? A: a bank; Q: What was the Pizza Portal before it was a restaurant? Summary: Raylan and Tim work the bank robbery, meeting with those who rented the safety deposit boxes to discover what was stolen. Among their first stops is prominent realtor Calhoun Schreier who claims he'd emptied his box the day before the robbery. Calhoun takes the opportunity to attempt to broker the sale of Arlo's property to Ty Walker, who is apprehensive of the Feds and has his cohort Choo-Choo follow the Marshals. In an improvised scheme the Marshals get Choo-Choo to lead them back to the Pizza Portal restaurant which is owned by their boss. Katherine Hale is pursuing a relationship with Avery Markham, a big-time criminal recently back from Colorado with a small fortune from legalized cannabis. Katherine is quietly suspicious of Avery, who left Kentucky when her then-husband and his partner Grady Hale were ratted out to the Feds fifteen years earlier. Ty Walker tries to buy another old family farm; the owners are adamant in their refusal to sell so he returns at night with Sean. Ty also intimidates the bank manager and learns that the Marshals top suspect in the robbery is Boyd Crowder. Ava finds the ledger and deeds Boyd hid in the barn and shows them to Raylan. The ledger is actually a list of details and accounts Calhoun has been keeping for his own protection, feeling he'd gotten in over his head. Boyd, frustrated with Katherine Hale and Wynn Duffy about their claim that Calhoun has a $3M cash stash to rob, tries to sell the ledger back to Calhoun. However when Boyd brings the ledger to Calhoun's office, he finds Raylan waiting and hands over the stolen documents. Ava, who had feigned anger with Boyd for leaving stolen property at her home, later tries to repair their relationship and reveals that among the deeds one stood out: that of The Pizza Portal, which used to be a bank, and Boyd realizes where the money is hidden.

At Cohen's Kirsten: Oh, hey, I thought you were hanging Christmas lights. Ryan: Oh, I took a coffee break, union rules. Kirsten: Well, you better hurry up, it's going to startraining any minute, and you know how Seth loves his rooftop reindeer. Ryan: Yeah, don't worry, it'll be up by dinner. Kirsten: Oh, speaking of dinner, are you going to bring a guest? Ryan: That's pretty subtle, Kirsten. Kirsten: I'm not saying you'd bring Taylor, I'm just letting you know that she's welcome. Ryan: Uh-huh. Well, I don't know. I don't know, it's, uh, it's just... Kirsten: Oh, you think that if you invite her, she's your girlfriend. Boy, so predictable. Ryan: Hey, now, inviting a girl over for Christmas Eve, that's like making some sort of announcement. Kirsten: It's Chrismukkah. We make our own rules. Ryan: Fine. Set a place for her. I'll invite her today. Kirsten: Great. Kirsten: Okay. Oh, my ham guy. At Roberts' Kaitlin: Can't believe we're spending Christmas in the ghetto. Julie: It's not the ghetto. It's Riverside, and it's where our family is from. Kaitlin: I thought we were in denial about that. Julie: Kaitlin, in case you hadn't noticed, we're a little short on family these days. I think we should take all we can get. Taylor: Happy holidays. Julie: Hello. Kaitlin: Is that a gift for me? 'Cause I forgot to get you one. Taylor: No, this is for Ryan. I got him a George Foreman grill because he likes lean meat, obviously. Julie: Lovely. So, Taylor, uh, Summer's having dinner with the Cohens, but you're welcome to come with us to Riverside, unless of course you're doing something with your mother. Taylor: Oh, no, no. She sent me a mass E-mail last week. She's spending Christmas in Cabo. She would've invited me, but she knows that I don't like Mexican food. But it's not a problem because I'm having dinner over at Ryan's. Julie: Oh, I didn't know you were invited over there. Taylor: I'm not... well, yet. But I'm sure he's going to ask me. Well, I mean, I hope he does. Well, he will. So I better go over there and give him his gift. Kaitlin: Last chance to come to Riverside. You want to watch my Aunt Cindy do whippets underneath the mistletoe? Taylor: Uh... no, thanks. But you guys have a good time. Bye. At Cohen's Taylor: I know, where's the mistletoe, right? But don't worry, we can kiss anyway. Ryan: Uh, Taylor, I'm a little busy right now. Taylor: Well, don't you want your present? Ryan: Just leave it right there. I'll open it later. Taylor: You know I just ran into Kirsten in the kitchen, and she was talking to some guy with a huge ham. Are you guys having dinner or something? Ryan: Uh, yeah. Taylor: Poor Ryan. All of his muscles are so developed, except for the ones in his mouth. You want to invite me to Chrismukkah, but you don't know how, so I will save you the trouble. I would love to come. Ryan: Taylor, look, I don't know what's going on between us, but it's only been a few weeks. Taylor: And you think if you invite me to Chrismukkah, then that makes me your girlfriend. Ryan: I don't want to hurt your feelings, but yeah. Taylor: Hurt my feelings? Why would that hurt my feelings? Just because I spent time and money getting you the perfect gift-- which, by the way, happens to be the deluxe version of the George Foreman grill-- and in return you give me a hot, steaming pile of rejection. Well, you know, I think that's just fine. Because I'm used to it, okay? So here, here it is. Grill away. Ryan: Taylor, I don't want this. Taylor: No, I took your gift-- the holiday-themed rejection-- so you should take it. Ryan: No, you take it. Taylor: I bought it for you. You take it. It's yours. I... Ryan: Taylor! At Cohen's - In the kitchen Man: Whoa, it's going to pour. Kirsten: Are you sure this is a Virginia ham? Alternative world Ryan: Taylor? Taylor, are you... are you hurt? Taylor: Only my heart, Ryan. Only my heart. Ryan: Come on up, I'll get you some ice. Taylor: Oh, you're offering me ice? Hmm, I guess I should jump at that. Here. The receipt's inside. I hope you grill your face. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Oh, so, I was just in the pool house... Kirsten: What are you doing in there? I told the supervisor that this is off-limits to the staff. Ryan: What? Kirsten: Where is your supervisor? Ryan: Uh, Kirsten, what are you talking about? Kirsten: Excuse me, do I know you? Generic At Cohen's Kirsten: I said do I know you? Ryan: Uh, look, I don't know what's going on, but... I was up on the roof with Taylor... Kirsten: Is this one of your guys? Man: Nope, never seen him before. Kirsten: Oh, great.So now I just have strangers wandering around my house. Ryan: No, no, no. Where's Seth? Kirsten: Oh, you're a friend of my son's. He's at the comic book store. If you run into him, will you tell him that I need him home by 5:00? Uh... I have a meeting. Now shoo. I don't want you wandering around my house. Man: Hey, kid,I got the feeling the dragon lady wanted you out of here. [SCENE_BREAK] Julie: You see, this is why I feel so strongly about this issue. Take Daryl here. Last week he was homeless. But because of the money we've raised, he has a future to look forward toin the new year. Journalist: Well, you're quite the philanthropist. Julie: Yes. And I help people. Ryan: Julie. Julie: I love it when they call me by my first name. Ryan: What are you doing? What is all this? Julie: Take this, it's a voucher for the mission. Tell them I sent you. Ryan: You don't know me? Julie: I know your pain. See, people think that Newport Beach is a cold city, a place of privilege. But even this poor street urchin has found hope here. Now you just run along now, honey. Man: You heard the lady. [SCENE_BREAK] Seth: You guys, come on. Brad: You guys, come on. You guys, come on. Seth: Would you... would you give me back... Eric: Would you give me back my wallet? Seth: Would you... would you give me back my wallet? Seriously. Eric: Seriously. Brad: Seriously. Ryan: Hey, hey, give me that. Brad: Why, is this your boyfriend? You guys should get a room. Eric: Yeah. So you can make love in it. Seth: I make love to ladies. Hey, man, thanks. Do I know you from Brown? Ryan: You go to Brown? Seth: Yeah. Who are you? Ryan: You don't know me either? I can't believe this. Brad: Hey, dork,your girlfriend's across the way. Seth: Which one? Brad: You should check her out. Eric: She looks good. How does Sandy Cohen have such a loser for a kid? Ryan: Wait, Sandy Cohen? You know where he is? Brad: I think I heard he's at a press conference over at the yacht club. Ryan: Press conference? Eric: Press conference? Seth: Oh, just... just look at her. Oh, I shouldn't be watching. Ryan: Why, bad luck to see the bride? Seth: Yeah, totally. Oh, God. Ryan: You okay? Oh! [SCENE_BREAK] Joe: So what are your plans for the holidays? Sandy: This holiday, I think my wife and I are just going to take it easy. Joe: Your wife? I thought she never rested. Sandy: True, she's a very busy lady. All right, Joe, thanks very much. Joe: Thanks for your time, Mr. Mayor. Sandy: And thanks for all your support. As I always say, I am mayor of the greatest city on earth. Vote Sandy Cohen! Ryan: You're the mayor? Sandy: Why, you want to call for a recount? Happy holidays. Ryan: Uh, Sandy, Sandy. Something terrible is happening. And if anyone can make it make sense, it's you. Man: This guy bothering you, Mr. Mayor? Sandy: Uh, no. It's fine. All right, kid, slow down, tell me what the problem is. Ryan: Okay. So, uh, I fell off the roof this morning, and ever since then nobody recognizes me. Even Kirsten threw me out of the house. Sandy: You saw Kirsten? Ryan: And Seth doesn't know who I am either. And he's marrying Summer? Sandy: I see that you're having some trouble and I sympathize with that. But stalking me and my family is not the answer. Man: Come on, and don't make a fuss. Sandy: Oh, the poor kid. [SCENE_BREAK] Eric: What's the matter? Can't find your boyfriend? At the hospital Sandy: Kirsten. What happened? Kirsten: Taylor and Ryan, they were hanging decorations, and I guess the ladder fell. Sandy: What did the doctors say? Kirsten: Well, they said apparently there's no serious injury, we just have to wait for them to wake up. Alternative world Taylor: Ryan? Is that you? Ryan: Taylor. You know me? Taylor: Oh, my God. I found you. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: We're in a parallel universe. Taylor: Exactly. Okay. And I'm so grateful that if I have to be in a parallel universe, that you're here with me. Oh, that's... Of course you probably wish you were with someone you actually wanted to date. That would be nice, wouldn't it? Ryan: Oh, even in a parallel universe, she never stops. But I mean, we could also be asleep, right? Or dead? Taylor: Ow. You're awake. As for being dead, I'm guessing if we were, there would be some kind of white light situation, maybe a guy with a beard. Process of elimination, parallel universe. Ryan: How do you know all this? Taylor: Oh, tenth grade I had a little sci-fi phase. Alt-universes are huge. Clearly, you and I have entered a world where we don't exist. But don't despair. I know the way back to the real world. Ryan: Yeah? Does it involve me dating you? Taylor: Well, well, look who's funny in alt-world. Ryan: I know. Taylor: No, Ryan, we have been sent here to fix something. It's the only explanation. Someone or some ones we know are in trouble. Holly: Summer?! Hi! Summer: Hi! Holly: Kiss-kiss. Ryan: Oh, my God. Holly: Let me see the hardware. Summer: What, you mean this old thing? Holly: Oh, my God! Summer: Four carats. Holly: Oh, my God, it's so pretty. Summer: Can I get a...? Taylor: Alt-Summer is a mindless bimbo. Summer: Get it started, Newport! Whoo! I'm so excited. Holly: So where's the groom? Summer: Oh, you know him, he's parking. He won't let any of the valets touch his Hummer. Holly: Right. Summer: Because that's my job, bitch. Holly: Right! Che: Hey, Holly, looking ripped. Holly: Hey, Chester. Che: What's up, Mrs. Me? Summer: Mm-hmm, that's me. Taylor: Okay, wait a second. I thought you said she was marrying Seth. That's Che, or Chester, I guess, in alt-reality. Ryan: What's he doing here? I thought he goes to Brown. Taylor: Okay, what if three years ago his family had planned to move here but you did instead, taking the last spot at Harbor? So without quality education for their child, his family moves to Connecticut. But in a world where you don't exist, the Harbor spot was open, so his family moves here, thereby allowing Che to fulfill his alt-destiny as a Newport bobble head. Well, obviously this is what we've been sent here to fix. Holly: So, Summer, I saw the most rocked out chairs at Bergdorf. You have to come with me. Summer: Ooh... baby. Do you mind? Che: Um, no, I'll just go get pumped. Summer: But that's my job, bitch. Oh, yeah, give it up. Whoo! Ooh... Hey, bitch! Taylor: Okay, we need to get started right away. You go to Seth, find out where it all went wrong I will follow Summer and do some recon. Ryan: Uh, where do we meet? Taylor: It's alt-universe. We'll just find each other. At the hospital Doctor: Their MRIs came back normal, no brain damage, no cause for alarm. They'll wake up soon, I'm sure. Sandy: Is there anything we can do to help? Doctor: Talk to them. Make sure they're surrounded by familiar voices, music, even smells. Anything that you think might stimulate them. Kirsten: Okay, thank you. Sandy: Thank you. Summer: Well, somebody should find Taylor's mom. I guess I'll do that. Seth: Ew, signing up for the suicide mission. Kirsten: Oh, my ham. I have to go home and turn off the oven. Sandy: Seth and I will take care of the ham. In fact, she just said we should surround them with familiar sounds and smells. So I say we bring Chrismukkah to the hospital. Kirsten: That's a great idea. And I'll look after Taylor and Ryan. And you be careful with my ham. Sandy: I'll be very careful. Alternative world Che: We're still getting it checked if it's real. Uh, baby, this is business. I've got to take this. Summer: Okay. Che: Hey, baby. Yeah. I'll be there in 15 minutes. I'll walk it. You wearing that thong I bought you? Whoo-hoo. Not for long. All right, love you, too. Bye. Summer: Bye, baby. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Hello? Hello? Kirsten: Oh, it's you again. Looking for Seth? Ryan: Uh, yeah, they told me at the comic book store he came home. Kirsten: Well, I haven't seen him yet. You might want to try him upstairs. Honey? Could you bring me my glass? Jommy: Here you go, sweetheart. Kirsten: Oh, thank you. Ryan: Jimmy? Kirsten: You know my husband? Jimmy: I don't believe we've actually met. Kirsten: Oh, this is a friend of Seth's. Jimmy: Oh. Kirsten: I know, it must be a Christmas miracle. Jimmy: Well, you should come to the party tonight. All of Newport's going to be there. Kirsten: Well, they better be, if they want to keep doing business with the Newport Group. Seth! Jimmy: He's not home. He's probably out stalking Summer Roberts. Ryan: I'm going to go. Jimmy: Well, you should stop by, it starts around 7:00. Interesting. [SCENE_BREAK] Sandy: Oh, and "philanthropist" means you help people. Julie: Oh, well, you learn something every day. Listen, are you coming home before the party? You know how you sweat through your shirts. Sandy: Can't we make some excuse? Julie: Listen, honey, as long as you're mayor and she is head of the Newport Group, you're gonna have to deal with each other. Honestly, I don't know how you were ever married to that ice queen. Sandy: Well, we were different people back then. I'll be home in a couple hours. Julie: Bye. [SCENE_BREAK] Taylor: Joinx! Double-O joinx. Che: Oh! Oh, give it to me! Oh! Daddy like! Daddy like! I'm a bad kitten! Taylor: Mima? Hi. No? Yes, you don't know me. Uh, I was just... Mima: You come visit Missy Cooper? Taylor: Yes, yes, that's exactly what... Mima: She come home 3:00. Plane from Berkeley. Taylor: Triple-O joinx. [SCENE_BREAK] Taylor: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, move over. Ryan: Taylor, why don't you just sit over...? Taylor: Ryan, don't worry. It doesn't mean we're boyfriend and girlfriend. I have huge news. Ryan: Yeah, well, me, too. Sandy and Kirsten are divorced and she and Jimmy are married. Taylor: Ew, yikes, that is huge. I can beat it, though. Sandy Cohen is married to Julie. Ryan: What? Taylor: And she's having an affair with Che. Ran: Whoa. Okay, all right, so this means we need to get Sandy and Kirsten back together and Seth... Taylor: Ryan, there's something else. Ryan: Yeah, what else? Taylor: Um... In this world, Marissa's alive. I was in her room and Mima said her plane lands at 3:00 from Berkeley. Now it seems like everyone is going to this party at Kirsten's, so I think that we can use this opportunity to reunite the Coopers and the Cohens with their rightful partners. Ryan: Uh, Taylor, can you let me out? Taylor: Why? Do you have to go to the bathroom? I haven't had to go. It seems like it's not an issue in an alt-world. Ryan: Taylor, seriously, let me out. Taylor: Are you going to the airport? Ryan, she won't even know you. Ryan: It doesn't matter. Taylor: Even if Marissa is fine in this world, which, thank God she is, we need to focus on fixing what is broken. Because that's what's going to get us back to the real world. Ryan: But if she's alive... Taylor: Then you don't want to go back? Okay. I get it. You... you got to go. Ryan: Sorry. At Roberts' Julie: I can't believe we have to drive to Riverside in this. Oh, no, honey, I told you. My family only drinks wine coolers. Kaitlin: We're having a very Britney Christmas, Mother. Julie: Yes, watch out. I might put you on my lap while we drive out there. Summer: Oh, thank God you're still here. Ryan and Taylor are in a coma but we're not supposed to worry. Julie: What are you talking about? Summer: They fell off a ladder. But the doctor says they're fine. We just have to wait for them to wake up. Kaitlin: So it's a coma light? Summer: Exactly. I have to find Veronica Townsend. Do you know where she is? Julie: Taylor said she's flying to Cabo tonight. But she may have already left. Kaitlin: I really don't think that Veronica is going to care if Taylor's in a bogus coma. Julie: Well, it doesn't matter. Her daughter's in the hospital. She needs to know. Come on, I'll drive. Summer: You don't have to. Julie: Taylor is my responsibility. She's living in my house. Come on. Kaitlin: So no Riverside? Sweet. I mean, I hate comas. Let's go find Veronica. At the hospital Nurse: Oh, Mrs. Cohen. The EMT just came by. He found this in his ambulance. Thought it might've fallen out of your son's pocket. Kirsten: Oh, thank you. I've been talking to them and reading to them out loud. I know the doctor says not to worry... Nurse: I know, it's hard. But in these situations, a lot depends on the patients healing themselves, mentally and physically. When they finish whatever they need to finish, they'll wake up. Kirsten: Thanks. Alternative world Ryan: Marissa? Kaitlin: Who are you? Ryan: Uh, I'm sorry. I thought, uh... Kaitlin: What, you knew my sister? Ryan: I thought she was cominghome from Berkeley. Kaitlin: No, that's me. The youngest in my freshman class. Sort of a prodigy. Ryan: Uh, what... what did you mean "knew"? Kaitlin: She died three years ago. Ryan: What? Kaitlin: She OD'd in an alleyway in Tijuana. Well, that's really the way I want to start my Christmas vacation. Wait, who are you again? Ryan: No one. Kaitlin: Oh, okay. Well, Merry Christmas. [SCENE_BREAK] Taylor: I'm sorry. Ryan, you gave her three more years. She got to fall in love. She got to graduate. Ryan: And then she still died. Taylor: Which just means that you weren't meant to save her. So if there's any part of you that's still blaming yourself for what happened, you have to let it go. You've done so much for everybody. Ryan! Yeah, like what? Taylor: Ryan, haven't you been paying attention? You saved the Cohens. Without you, Seth is the next unibomber, Sandy is married to Slutty McSlutterman, and Kirsten probably hasn't had an orgasm in, like, a year. Ryan: Uh, all right, all right. Taylor: And if you think that I'm just gonna let you give up, you're crazy. Ryan: Taylor, I said all right. Taylor: Oh. Oh, good. Okay. Ryan: Has anyone ever said "no" to you? Taylor: Once. And I pushed him off the roof. Kidding. Let's save the Cohens and go home. Ryan: All right. Taylor: Okay. At Cohen's Sandy: An alternate universe? Seth: It's the only obvious explanation. Sandy: "Obvious" might not be the word I would use. Seth: They both got knocked out at the same time and neither is waking up. Sandy: Like Dorothy in Oz. Seth: And just like Dorothy had to go see the wizard, they've got some mission to accomplish before they can return. Sandy: Like what? Seth: Uh, anything. Could be like our world, only messed up. They've got to reset the balance. Or could be a world ruled by giant vegetables, and they've got to topple the vegetable despot before they can come back. Sandy: You had me till vegetable despot. Seth: It makes perfect sense. At the hospital Sandy: Hello. Kirsten: Sandy, I think I know why Ryan hasn't woken up. Alternative world Taylor: Hi. Okay, now before we can reunite everyone with their rightful partners, we need to prep them first. So I will take Kirsten duty and you can... Seth: I already told you, I'm not going to your stupid party. Kirsten: Because Summer Roberts is going to be here? Since when are you avoiding her? Seth: Since she got engaged to that burly ding-dong. You have fun. Ryan: I'm on it. [SCENE_BREAK] Veronica: Taylor, what are you doing? I told you not to wear that suit. Your ass looks like the back of a truck. Taylor: Oh, my God. In alt-world, I'm a boy. Maybe I should try Pilates. They say it elongates you. Outside. Veronica: Go stand against the wall. Go, come on. Taylor: And my mom is still a bitch. At the airport Julie: Veronica. Veronica. Thank God, we caught you. Veronica: Oh, Julie, please don't tell me you're going to Cabo, too. Julie: Veronica, you can't go to Mexico. Taylor is in the hospital. Veronica: Anorexia? Julie: No, she fell off a ladder. Veronica: Oh. Julie: The doctor says she'll be fine, but she's not waking up. Maybe if she heard your voice. Summer has a car outside... Veronica: I'll call from Cabo. Julie: Veronica, listen. I know you're not the warm and fuzzy type. But it is Christmas Eve and it would mean so much if you could be there. And if you get on that plane right now, I'll tell security you have a bomb. Kaitlin: Wow, very Jack Bauer of you. Alternative world Ryan: All right. All right, come on,put this on. Seth: No, hate my life! I hate my life...! I hate my life! Ryan: Yeah, no wonder Summer doesn't like you. Seth: See?! Even you think so. And no offense, but it's kind of weird, you having such a vested interest in my love life, considering I just met you this morning. Ryan: All right. You want the truth? Seth: I know the truth. Ryan: You know the truth? Seth: Yeah. Ryan: I'm from an alternate universe where your dad adopted me and you and Summer are in love. And unless I fix things here, which means getting your parents and you and Summer together, I can't go home. Seth: I always knew this would happen. Ryan: Doesn't surprise me. Put this on. Okay. Now, I'm going to tell you exactly what you need to know to woo Summer. Have you ever heard of a show called The Valley? [SCENE_BREAK] Taylor: Hey. It's a great party, huh? Kirsten: Yes. Taylor: I'm so glad that the mayor let me off so that I could come. Kirsten: You work for the mayor? Taylor: Mm-hmm. Kirsten: How... well, what's that like? Taylor: Honestly, it's amazing that anything ever gets done. What with the mayor moping and crying all day about how he's still in love with his ex-wife. But I probably shouldn't be airing his dirty laundry. I mean, she must be around here somewhere, right? Well, I better mingle. [SCENE_BREAK] Taylor: Good, you got a jacket from Seth. Ryan: Yeah. Taylor! Did it go okay? Ryan: Great. He's going over stalking points right now. Taylor: Well, I am doing some serious Jedi mind tricks on Kirsten. Ryan: There's couple number two. Che: Ho-ho-ho, Merry Christmas. Summer: That's my man. Taylor: Okay, so what we need to do is get Kirsten and Sandy and Seth and Summer alone together for ten minutes. Which means removing the obstacles. You take Julie, I've got Chester. Hey, wouldn't this actually be fun, you know, if you were actually doing it with somebody who you wanted to date? Ryan: Go. Taylor: Okay, I'll stop. [SCENE_BREAK] Taylor: Hi. Che: Good grub. Taylor: Yeah. So, listen, a red-haired lady wanted me to give you a message. She's in the master bathroom and she needs help with something. Che: A little thong removification. Taylor: Charming. Well, uh, she's waiting. Che: Hey, I have a good idea. Why don't you come with? Summer: Wow, really tempting. Um, I'm going to pass. Che: Ok ! [SCENE_BREAK] Sandy: Good to see you again. Thanks for coming. Ryan: Hi. Julie: Hello. Ryan: Hi. Julie: Do I know you? Ryan: There's some guy who wants to meet you in the master bathroom. Something about getting a thong on? Julie: Oh. That's charity talk. "Thong" is an acronym for The Homeless of Newport... Go... or something. Excuse me. [SCENE_BREAK] Sandy: Just do me a favor, and don't get caught. Taylor: Mr. Mayor. Sandy: Yes? Taylor: Hi, I was wondering, do you have time for a quick question? Sandy: I'm hoping it's about the new hospital. Because Dr. Henry Griffin and I have some big plans. Taylor: Actually, it's about relationships. You see, you and I are kind of in the same position, because I just broke up with this guy, and he refuses to move on. Sandy: I'm not sure how this applies to me. Taylor: Mr. Mayor, come on. I mean, your ex-wife will tell anyone who listens about how much she's still in love with you. I work at the Newport Group. And it is amazing that anything ever gets done. Sandy: Young lady, I don't know you. But I do know that this is not an appropriate conversation. So please excuse me. Taylor: Uh, mail truck. Taylor: What? Uh, yeah, um... from the old days at Berkeley, when you guys first fell in love. She won't shut up about it. Mail truck, mail truck, mail truck. It's just crazy, huh?Bye. [SCENE_BREAK] Summer: So, wait, you're saying that you ride horses in the valley? Seth: No, no, I like plastic horses and the show The Valley. Summer: Hey, I like that show, too, and plastic horses. What's yours' name? Seth: Uh, Princess Sparkle. Wait, no, no, I mean Captain Oats. I just said "Princess Sparkle, 'cause I think that's a really cool name. Summer: No way! You are not going to believe this. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: How's it going? Taylor: Well, I read lips, and in the past two minutes, the words "mail truck" have come up nine times. Ryan: We might actually pull this off. Veronica: Lots of teenage boys get lipo. It's no big deal. And stop picking at your man girdle. Taylor: But, Mom? Veronica: What? You have something to say? Taylor: No. [SCENE_BREAK] Taylor: You know what? I think it's time I talk to her as an adult. Okay, you can do this. Veronica: Do what? Eat? Well, that's apparent. Taylor: Shut up. Why do you have to be so mean? Neither he nor I are remotely fat. We are smart and attractive, and interesting and people like us. And we are not going to let you make us feel bad about ourselves anymore. Veronica: No? Well, I imagine the mirror does that for you. Taylor: You bitch! Oh, my God. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: You all right? Taylor: I just can't believe I just said that. I mean, I've been waiting for so long. I can't believe I finally did it. Ryan: I'm proud of you. Taylor: Thanks, Ryan, I... Whoa. Ryan: What is it? What's wrong? Taylor: I don't know, I ju... Do you hear something? Almost like rain? Ryan: Stay here, I'll get you a glass of water. Taylor: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Jimmy: In my own house? In my own bathroom? I have to brush my teeth in there. Che: So do I, but I don't use a toothbrush. Jimmy: Oh, Julie, you haven't changed a bit. Julie: Maybe you should learn to knock. [SCENE_BREAK] Sandy: What's going on in here? Jimmy: Well, Mr. Mayor, let me just tell you what I found your wife doing. Julie: Jimmy, don't. Jimmy: Well, suffice to say, her thong was in his mouth. Summer: Shut up! Che: Baby, it was stuck. I was only trying to help her out. Summer: Oh, but that's what you said with Holly. How come all these women around you keep getting their thongs stuck? I'm starting to get suspicious. Che: Geek, move it or lose it. Seth: Then I will lose it, whatever it... is. Che: All right, well, it's your funeral. Seth: All right. Thong emergency. Summer: That was, like, so brave. Sandy: Oh, Julie, how could you do this? Julie: Please, Sandy, we both know our marriage is a sham. You only married me so I could mastermind your political career. What are you doing with Miss Queen of the North over here? Kirsten: Don't you know? He spends all day crying about me at the office. Sandy: What are you talking about? Kirsten: Everybody knows, Sandy. Sandy: In the same way that everybody knows how you go on and on about the mail truck? Kirsten: I never told anybody about the mail truck. Sandy: Well, not according to her. Kirsten: Well, she's the girl that told me you spend all day crying. Ryan: Uh-oh. Sorry. Apparently, people don't stock clean glasses in the alt-world. What's up? Julie: Oh, it's the street urchin. I knew not to trust him. Sandy: I think you two better start talking. Ryan: Absolutely. Taylor? Taylor: Oh, don't worry. I know exactly what to say. Okay, people I can explain everything. Sorry. Ryan: What? Taylor: Just feel a little dizzy. I... Oh, no. Ryan, I think I have to go. Ryan: What? What do you mean? It must be because I stood up to my mom. That's what I was here to do. Ryan? Ryan: Yeah? Taylor: You have to get everyone together. Ryan: No. Taylor: It's the only way back. Ryan: Taylor, no, I can't. Taylor... Just hold on. Taylor? At the hospital Kirsten: Taylor, honey? Taylor: You need to be with Sandy Cohen. Kirsten: I'm going to get the doctor. Taylor: Come back, Ryan. Alternative world Sandy: So? Are you going to explain yourself? Ryan: The truth is, things the way they are now are completely wrong. Summer: Who's this random guy we're all listening to? And why am I not drunk yet? Ryan: Okay, look, none of you know me. But, uh, the truth is that each of you saved my life just by being who you are. And right now none of you are who you are. Like Summer, for example. What are you doing? Summer: What? Ryan: I mean, Che, Chester, he's, he's completely wrong for you. You should be with Seth. Kirsten, all right, you don't want to run the Newport Group. That place makes you miserable. And you may like your Chardonnay, but I got news for you, it doesn't like you back, and Sandy, you don't want to be mayor. You're all about saving the little guy, not holing up in some mansion, giving orders. What you two are best at is being married to each other. Julie: There he is. Get him out of here. Man: Um, okay, before I go, Sandy, Kirsten, Seth and Summer, promise me you'll be together. At the hospital Kirsten: Hey, Veronica, good news. Taylor's awake, and the doctor said she's going to be fine. Veronica: I stay home from Cabo and she's fine? Taylor: Hi, Mom. Veronica: And you're walking even? Geez. Julie: Veronica, your daughter is okay. You should be happy. Taylor: Oh, Julie, it's okay, I got it. Mom, why don't you go to the airport? I bet you could catch the last flight to Cabo. Veronica: Well, I guess I could still make it, but I'll probably have to fly coach. Taylor: Merry Christmas, Mom. Veronica: Yeah. Kirsten: You okay? Taylor: Yeah. I don't know why, but I feel just fine. Kirsten: Julie? You should see this. I haven't read it. Julie: Oh, my God. Alternative world Man: You, uh, you seen my hat? Ryan: You threw up in it. Man: Right. Cop: Atwood, there's someone here to bail you out. Ryan: Thanks. Sandy: I don't know who you are, but a lot of what you said back at the house made sense. So why do you care so much about getting a bunch of strangers back together? Ryan: Well, I guess I thought it would get me back home, too. But I was wrong. Can I ask what happened? How'd your family fall apart? Sandy: I think it all goes back to when Marissa Cooper died three years ago. She was Jimmy and Julie Cooper's daughter. Ryan: I knew Marissa. Sandy: Well, after she died, it was like everybody got stuck. Ryan: Didn't know how to say good-bye? Sandy: Maybe you're right. What are you doing for dinner? How about you come over to the house? Ryan: There's someplace I gotta go. Thanks. Sandy: You're welcome. At the hospital Kirsten: Oh, I was just calling you. Julie, Summer and Kaitlin are with Taylor. She's awake. Seth: What'd you find out? Julie: This. It's from Marissa. She sent it to Ryan the day she was leaving. I guess it got lost in the mail. Sandy: Oh, that's odd. Seth: Well, it's Chrismukkah; stranger things have happened. Sandy: What's it say? Julie: Well, that she had to leave Newport. That it was the only way they could get on with their lives. She loved him, but she had to say good-bye. Kaitlin: Is that food? Oh, thank God. Between you and me, Taylor in a coma is kind of a nice break. Sandy: How you doing, Julie? Julie: I'm okay. Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] Taylor: Ryan, are you awake? Ryan: Hi. Taylor: Hi. Ryan: I just had the weirdest dream. You were in it, I think. Taylor: That's so funny. I think you were in my dream, too. I can't remember what it was, though. Ryan: Huh. Me, either. I'm really glad you're here. Summer: Look, the rain stopped. Seth: Look who's back in the land of the living. Kirsten: Oh, Ryan, we were so worried about you. Everything is going to be okay. Ryan: Yeah, I know. End of the episode.

Plan: A: Sandy; Q: Who is married to Julie? A: Kirsten; Q: Who is Mrs. Jimmy Cooper? A: Winchester; Q: Who is Summer engaged to? A: full geek mode; Q: What mode is Seth in? A: a parallel Newport; Q: What is Newport? A: Ryan; Q: Who must change Newport? A: the head; Q: What part of Ryan's body was injured? Summary: Sandy is married to Julie. Kirsten is Mrs. Jimmy Cooper. Summer is engaged to Winchester. Seth is in full geek mode. It's a parallel Newport. And Ryan, stuck there after a conk to the head, must change it.

EXT. CWMTAFF, SOUTH WALES, 2020, DAY The village is nestled in a small valley, a large drill dominating the landscape. MAN: (V.O.) But who is this creature with terrible claws, We close in on a group of row houses. In front, a father, MO, is reading a book with his son, ELLIOT. In the background, a woman, AMBROSE, is walking towards them. MO: (continued) terrible teeth in his terrible jaws? Go on, your bit... He, he has... Go on! ELLIOT: I can't do it, Dad. (motions to headphones around his neck) I can listen to books, anyway. MO: I know it doesn't come easy, son, but you've got to keep at it, all right? You're not on your own with this. AMBROSE: Mo, you'll be late for your shift! (gives him a packaged meal) MO: Oh, you're right! (takes meal and puts it in his pack) Sorry, El, got to go. Now, who loves you more than me? ELLIOT: (smiles) No-one. AMBROSE: Stop saying that! MO laughs and kisses ELLIOT on the head before riding his bile through the valley to the drill. INT. DRILL MONITORING STATION, DAY Screens on a number of computers show the drill's progress through the earth. There are workers in safety vests but there are two-NASREEN and TONY-who are watching the screens intently and listening to a countdown. MAN: (V.O.) Approaching stage four, target drilling depth. Stage four target drill depth scheduled in five, four, three, two, one. Stage four target drill depth achieved. Drill depth now 21 kilometres. NASREEN and TONY hug in celebration. NASREEN: (into phone) Hi. Nasreen here, just to let you know we have just hit our new target! TONY: (over intercom) 21 kilometres, folks! EXT. DRILL MONITORING STATION, DAY TONY: (V.O.) Further than anyone's ever drilled into the Earth. The workers congratulate each other at TONY'S words. INT. DRILL MONITORING STATION, DAY TONY looks out a window at the workers. TONY: (continued) Thanks for your amazing work. Have a great weekend! Onwards and downwards. (hangs up intercom) Through the window, we see MO arrive. NASREEN: How much further do you think we can we go, Mack? TONY: Into the unknown! Exciting, isn't it? NASREEN: (nods) Yeah. NASREEN and TONY hug just as MO enters. MO: Aye, aye! Stop that! The real worker's here now! TONY: Evening, Mo! MO: 21k? (hugs TONY) You wanted to grab all the glory before I come on shift! (hugs NASREEN) Right, off you go, get out, my gaff for the night. NASREEN and TONY leave. INT. DRILL MONITORING STATION, NIGHT MO sits in front of the monitors and pulls out his meal. The book he was reading with ELLIOT was there too and he opens it and begins to read. MO: Brilliant. Everything begins to shake and vibrate. on screen, the drill seems to stutter. Just as quickly as it started, the shaking stops. The security cameras go down one by one. MO goes to investigate, using his torch as the electricity flickers on and off. There is a hole in the storeroom floor with steam rising from it. MO: That is mad. He reaches out with his hands but stops when the torch falls through the dirt. He digs for the torch and something pulls on his arm. He gets free and begins to crawl away but is pulled back by his legs. He is sucked through the dirt with a scream. [SCENE_BREAK] Matt Smith Karen Gillan "The Hungry Earth" by Chris Chibnall Producer Peter Bennett Director Ashley Way [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. DAY We see a close up of the TARDIS doors and hear the DOCTOR'S voice. DOCTOR: Behold... (the door opens and we see AMY, RORY and the DOCTOR) Rio! The sight that greets them is a cemetery. AMY and RORY step out. AMY: Nuh-uh. RORY: Not really getting the sunshine carnival vibe. DOCTOR: No. (walks forward) Ooh, feel that, though, what's that? (bounces in place) Ground feels strange... Just me. Wait... That's weird. RORY: What's weird? AMY: Doctor, stop trying to distract us. We're in the wrong place. (the DOCTOR runs around to the other side of the church as AMY keeps talking) Doctor, it's freezing and I've dressed for Rio. We are not stopping here. (the DOCTOR plucks some grass) Doctor! You listening to me? It's a graveyard! You promised me a beach. DOCTOR: Blue grass. Patches of it all round the graveyard. (AMY and RORY join him) So, Earth, 2020-ish, ten years in your future, wrong continent for Rio, I'll admit, but it's not a massive overshoot. AMY notices two people on the other side of the valley waving at them. AMY: Why are those people waving at us? DOCTOR: Can't be. RORY starts to wave back but AMY stops him. The DOCTOR takes out binoculars and looks through them. DOCTOR: (continued) It is! It's you two. RORY: No, we're here. How can we be up there?! DOCTOR: Ten years in your future. Come to relive past glories, I'd imagine. Humans, you're so nostalgic. AMY: We're still together in ten years? RORY: No need to sound so surprised! AMY: Hey, let's go and talk to them! We can say hi to Future Us! How cool is that? (takes RORY by the arm and starts to head off) DOCTOR: No, best not, really best not. These things get complicated very quickly, and...oh, look! Big mining thing. Oh, I love a big mining thing. See, way better than Rio! Rio doesn't have a big mining thing. AMY: We're not going to have a look, are we? DOCTOR: Let's go and have a look! (heads down into the valley) Come on, let's see what they're doing. RORY: If he can't get us to Rio, how's he ever going to get us back home? AMY: Did you not see, over there? It all works out fine. RORY: After everything we've seen, we just drop back into our old lives, the nurse and the kissogram? AMY: I guess. He's getting away. (takes RORY by the arm) RORY: Hang on. What are you doing with that? (points at her ring finger) AMY: Engagement ring! I thought you liked me wearing it. RORY: Amy! You could lose it! Cost...a lot of money, that! AMY: Hm. (takes off the ring and gives it to him) Spoilsport. RORY: Go on. I'll catch you both up. (heads back to the TARDIS) AMY: (runs to catch up to the DOCTOR) Doctor! INT. DRILL MONITORING STATION, DAY NASREEN is kneeling by a patch of dirt in the floor, hooking up some machinery. TONY comes back from checking the station. TONY: The drill's shut down! There's no sign of Mo. Nobody's been in or out of the perimeter between last night...and...now. What's that? That wasn't there last night. How the hell did that get there? NASREEN: I don't know. INT. TARDIS RORY puts AMY'S engagement ring back in its box and leaves it on the console before stepping outside. EXT. GRAVEYARD, DAY AMBROSE is waiting outside the TARDIS. AMBROSE: Well, that was quick! RORY: Was it? AMBROSE: It's great that you came. ELLIOT: Bit retro. What is it, portable crime lab? RORY: Oh. Er, sort of. AMBROSE: Ambrose Northover. (shakes RORY'S hand) I was the one who called. I run the meals on wheels for the whole valley. This is my son, Elliot. ELLIOT: Where's your uniform? AMBROSE: Don't be cheeky, Elliot, he's plain clothes. CID, is it? Anyway, it's over here. (walks off) RORY, a little unsure of what to do, follows EXT. DRILL MONITORING STATION, DAY The DOCTOR and AMY arrive at the drill site and the locked gate. DOCTOR: Restricted access. No unauthorised personnel. Mm. (uses sonic screwdriver on the lock and it opens) AMY: That is breaking and entering. DOCTOR: What did I break?! Sonicing and entering, totally different. (opens the gate) AMY: (goes through) Come on, then. DOCTOR: (looks back the way they came) You're sure Rory'll catch us up? EXT. GRAVEYARD, DAY AMBROSE, RORY and ELLIOT are looking into an open grave. AMBROSE: It's a family plot, see. My aunt Gladys died six years ago. Her husband, Alun, died a few weeks back. He lived in the house two doors down. There's not many of us left up here now. ELLIOT: Mum, he doesn't care about that! He wants to know about the dead bodies. AMBROSE: Yes. Sorry. Well, they always wanted to be buried in the same plot, together. But when we went to bury Uncle Alun, Gladys wasn't there. Gone. Body, coffin, everything. RORY: What? AMBROSE: The mad thing is, on the surface, the grave was untouched. No signs of it having been messed with. RORY: I'm sorry, I don't understand. AMBROSE: Nobody has touched the grave since my aunt was buried. But when they dug it open, the body was gone. How is that possible? INT. DRILL MONITORING STATION, DAY The DOCTOR and AMY are walking through the halls. DOCTOR: What about now, can you feel it now? AMY: Honestly, I've got no idea what you're on about. DOCTOR: The ground doesn't feel like it should. AMY: It's ten years in the future, maybe how this ground feels is how it always feels. DOCTOR: Good thought! But no. It doesn't. (a whirring sound begins) Hear that, drill in start-up mode. Afterwaves of a recent seismological shift and blue grass. (puts the blue grass in his mouth and makes a face as he pulls it from his tongue) AMY: Oh, please! Have you always been this disgusting? DOCTOR: No, that's recent. What's in... (enters the room with NASREEN) here? Hello! NASREEN: Who are you? What're you doing here? And what're you wearing? AMY: I dressed for Rio! DOCTOR: (takes out psychic paper) Ministry of Drills, Earth and Science! New Ministry, quite big, just merged, lot of responsibility on our shoulders, don't like to talk about it. What're you doing? NASREEN: None of your business. The DOCTOR walks to the monitors. DOCTOR: Where are you getting these readings from? NASREEN: (removes equipment from the hole) Under the soil. TONY enters the room. TONY: The drill's up and running again. What's going on? Who are these people? The DOCTOR kneels by the hole and tests the soil, letting it fall from his fingers to the ground. AMY: Amy, the Doctor. We're not staying, are we, Doctor?! DOCTOR: Why's there a big patch of earth in the middle of your floor? NASREEN: We don't know, it just appeared overnight. AMY walks closer to the hole and peers at it. DOCTOR: (stands quickly) Good, right, you all need to get out of here very fast. (goes over to monitor) NASREEN: Why? DOCTOR: What's your name? NASREEN: Nasreen Chaudhry. DOCTOR: Look at the screens, Nasreen, your readings. It's moving. AMY kneels by the hole. TONY: (walks to the DOCTOR and NASREEN) Hey, that's specialised equipment! Get away from it. NASREEN: What is? There is steam rising from the dirt in the hole. AMY: Doctor, this steam, is that a good thing? DOCTOR: (looks over his shoulder) Shouldn't think so. (walks over) It's shifting when it shouldn't be shifting. NASREEN: What shouldn't? The ground begins to shake. DOCTOR: The ground, the soil, the earth, moving, but how? (runs back to monitor) Why? AMY: Earthquake? TONY: What's going on? DOCTOR: Doubt it. Cos it's only happening under this room. More holes form as the ground subsides underneath. DOCTOR: It knows we're here. The ground's attacking us. NASREEN: No, that's not possible! DOCTOR: Under the circumstances, I suggest... RUN! The DOCTOR grabs NASREEN by the hand and they run for the door. TONY follows but becomes trapped. AMY pauses. NASREEN: Tony! DOCTOR: Stay back, Amy! Stay away from the earth! AMY leaps over to help TONY AMY: It's OK. The ground underneath AMY opens and she is trapped by both feet. AMY: It's pulling me down! DOCTOR: Amy! (runs to her) AMY: Doctor, help me, something's got me! The DOCTOR stretches out on his stomach and reaches for her. AMY: Doctor, the ground's got my legs. (she sinks to her waist) DOCTOR: (grips both of AMY'S hands) I've got you. AMY: OK. NASREEN helps TONY out of the hole he was in. AMY: Don't let go. DOCTOR: Never. AMY: Doctor, what is it, why is it doing this? DOCTOR: Stay calm, keep hold of my hand, don't let go. Your drill, shut it down! Go! Now! NASREEN and TONY run to the control room AMY: Can you get me out? DOCTOR: Amy, try and stay calm. If you struggle, it'll make things worse. Keep hold of my hand. INT. DRILL MONITORING STATION, CONTROL ROOM, DAY NASREEN and TONY try to stop the drill. NASREEN: Shut down all drilling activity as quick as you can. TONY: Reducing main unit power. INT. DRILL MONITORING STATION, DAY DOCTOR: I'm not going to let you go. AMY'S arm slips from his grip and she sinks lower. AMY: Doctor, it's pulling me down, something's pulling me! DOCTOR: (grips her wrist with both hands) Stay calm. Hold on, if they can just shut down the drill... AMY: I can't hold on! INT. DRILL MONITORING STATION, CONTROL ROOM, DAY NASREEN: Tony, we have got to be faster! TONY: I'm doing my best! Come on, shut down! INT. DRILL MONITORING STATION, DAY All that is showing of AMY is her head and arms. The DOCTOR is straining to hold onto her. AMY: What's pulling me? What is under the earth? I don't want to suffocate under there. DOCTOR: Amy, concentrate. Don't you give up! AMY: Tell Rory... DOCTOR: No. Amy! (AMY sinks lower) Amy, no! (AMY is swallowed by the earth) No! No! (digs through the dirt) No! No! No! No. No! No. No. (slaps the ground and stands up) No. No! (uses the sonic screwdriver on the ground) NASREEN and TONY rush back in. NASREEN: Where is she? DOCTOR: She's gone. The ground took her. EXT. GRAVEYARD, DAY RORY is in the muddy grave, jumping up and down like the DOCTOR. He puts his hand on the side. ELLIOT: Do you want sugar? RORY: Sorry? ELLIOT: In your tea. Mum's asking. RORY: No. Just white, thanks. ELLIOT: There's only one explanation, as far as I can see. RORY: What's that, then? ELLIOT: The graves eat people. Devour them whole, leaving no trace. RORY: Not sure about that. ELLIOT: They didn't steal the body from above. They couldn't have got in from the sides. Only other thing is, they get in from underneath. RORY: Not very likely, though. ELLIOT: When you've eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. RORY: Sorry? ELLIOT: Sherlock Holmes. Got the audiobook. The graves round here eat people. (leaves) In the grave, RORY shudders. INT. DRILL MONITORING STATION, DAY TONY: Is that what happened to Mo? Are they dead? DOCTOR: (pacing) It's not quicksand. She didn't just sink - something pulled her in, it wanted her. NASREEN: The ground wanted her? DOCTOR: You said the ground was dormant, just a patch of earth, when you first saw it this morning. And the drill had been stopped. TONY: That's right. DOCTOR: But when you re-started the drill, the ground fought back. NASREEN: So what, the ground wants to stop us drilling?! Doctor, that is ridiculous. The DOCTOR uses the sonic screwdriver on the hole through which AMY was taken. The ground begins to vibrate. DOCTOR: I'm not saying that, and it's not ridiculous, I just don't think it's right. Oh! Of course! It's bio-programming! NASREEN: What?! DOCTOR: (stands) Bio-programming! (claps) Oh, clever. You use bio-signals to resonate the internal molecular structure of natural objects! It's mainly used in engineering and construction, mostly jungle planets, but that's way in the future, and not here. What's it doing here? NASREEN: Sorry, did you just say jungle planets? TONY: You're not making any sense, man! DOCTOR: 'Scuse me, I'm making perfect sense, you're just not keeping up. The earth, the ground beneath our feet, was bio-programmed to attack. NASREEN: Yeah, even if that were possible, which, by the way, it's not, why? DOCTOR: Stop you drilling! We find what's doing the bio-programming, find Amy, get her back. Ssh ssh ssh! Have I gone mad?! I've gone mad! NASREEN: Doctor. DOCTOR: Ssh ssh! Silence! Absolute silence! You stopped the drill, right? NASREEN: Yes! DOCTOR: And you've only got the one drill? NASREEN: Yes! DOCTOR: You're sure about that? TONY: Yes! The DOCTOR lies down on his stomach next to the hole, listening, as a whirring sound can be heard. DOCTOR: So, if you shut the drill down... why can I still hear drilling? It's under the ground. TONY: That's not possible. The DOCTOR stands and rushes over to the machinery, using the sonic screwdriver on them. NASREEN: Oh, no, what, what are you doing? DOCTOR: Hacking into your records. Reports, samples, sensors, good, just unite the data, make it all one big conversation, let's have a look. So. We are here and this is your drill hole. 21.009 kilometres. Well done! NASREEN: Thank you. It's taken us a long time. DOCTOR: Why here, though? Why drill on this site? NASREEN: We found patches of grass in this area, containing trace minerals unseen in this country for 20 million years. DOCTOR: The blue grass? Oh, Nasreen, those trace minerals weren't X marking the spot, saying dig here. They were a warning. Stay away. Cos while you've been drilling down... somebody else has been drilling up. The DOCTOR pulls up a screen on one of the monitors showing a vertical network of tunnels. DOCTOR: Oh, beautiful. Network of tunnels all the way down. TONY: No, no, we've surveyed that area. DOCTOR: You only saw what you went looking for. NASREEN: (points to the bottom of the screen where something is registering) What are they? DOCTOR: Heat signals. Wait, dual readings, hot and cold, doesn't make sense. And now they're moving. Fast. How many people live nearby? TONY: Just my daughter and her family. The rest of the staff travel in. DOCTOR: Grab this equipment and follow me. (heads for the door) NASREEN: Why? What're we doing?! DOCTOR: (stops and turns around) That noise isn't a drill. It's transport. Three of them, 30km down, rate of speed looks about 150km an hour. Should be here in...ooh, quite soon, 12 minutes. (picks up one of the computers) Whatever bio-programmed the Earth is on its way up, now. (leaves) NASREEN and TONY pack up the other computer. EXT. CWMTAFF, DAY The DOCTOR and TONY are carrying the computers while NASREEN follows them pushing a wheelbarrow full of equipment. TONY: How can something be coming up when there's only the Earth's crust down there? DOCTOR: You saw the readings! NASREEN: Who are you, anyway?! How can you know all this? There is a whirring sound and red lights streak across the sky. NASREEN: Whoa, did you see that? DOCTOR: No, no, no! The DOCTOR takes out a slingshot, picks up a rock and fires it at the sky. It hits a force field, red lights streak out from the impact. He then takes out his sonic screwdriver, and aims it at the sky, revealing the field surrounds the village and the drill site. DOCTOR: Energy signal originating from under the Earth. We're trapped. RORY joins them, followed by ELLIOT and AMBROSE. RORY: Doctor! Something weird's going on here, the graves are eating people. DOCTOR: Not now, Rory! Energy barricade. Invisible to the naked eye. We can't get out and no-one from the outside world can get in. RORY: What?! OK, what about the TARDIS? NASREEN: The what?! DOCTOR: No, those energy patterns would play havoc with the circuits. With a bit of time, maybe, but we've only got nine and a half minutes. RORY: Nine and a half minutes to what? NASREEN: We're trapped. And something's burrowing towards the surface. RORY: (looks around) Where's Amy? DOCTOR: Get everyone inside the church! (picks up the computer) Rory, I'll get her back. RORY: What d'you mean, get her back? Where's she gone? DOCTOR: She was taken. Into the Earth. RORY: How?! Why didn't you stop it?! DOCTOR: (puts down case) I tried. I promise, I tried. RORY: Well, you should've tried harder! DOCTOR: I'll find Amy. I'll keep you all safe. I promise. Come on, please. I need you alongside me. (picks up case and heads for the church) LOCATION UNKNOWN AMY'S prone body is being scanned by advanced technology. She is alive. EXT. GRAVEYARD, DAY They carry the equipment to the church. TONY tried to open the door. AMBROSE: Where's Mo? Is he with you? TONY: This flaming' door! Always sticking! I thought you were having it fixed! AMBROSE: Dad! ELLIOT: Something's happened to him, hasn't it? INT. CHURCH, DAY The church is in a severe state of disrepair and disuse with boxes, crates and junk everywhere. The DOCTOR, NASREEN and TONY are setting up the equipment. AMBROSE: So we can't get out, we can't contact anyone. And something, the something that took my husband, is coming up through the Earth. DOCTOR: Yes. If we move quickly enough, we can be ready. AMBROSE: No, stop. This has gone far enough. What is this? TONY: He's telling the truth, love. AMBROSE: Come on! It's not the first time we've had no mobile or phone signals. Reception's always rubbish. NASREEN: Look, Ambrose, we saw the Doctor's friend get taken, OK? You saw the lightning in the sky. I have seen the impossible today, and the only person who's made any sense of it, for me, is the Doctor. AMBROSE: Him?! DOCTOR: Me. ELLIOT: Can you get my dad back? Everyone looks at the DOCTOR. DOCTOR: Yes. (walks to AMBROSE) But I need you to trust me and do exactly as I say from this second onwards because we're running out of time. AMBROSE: So tell us what to do. DOCTOR: Thank you. We have eight minutes to set up a line of defence. Bring me every phone, camera, every piece of recording or transmitting equipment you can find. EXT. GRAVEYARD, DAY RORY is going through all the small electronics he can collect. DOCTOR: (continued) Every burglar alarm, every movement sensor, every security light. I want the whole area covered with sensors. AMBROSE and RORY hook up cameras at idea positions. The DOCTOR uses the sonic on them. INT. CHURCH, DAY The monitor is showing that whatever it is that is coming up is getting closer. DOCTOR: Right, we need to be ready for whatever's coming up. (to ELLIOT) I need a map of the village, marking where the cameras are going. ELLIOT: I can't do the words. I'm dyslexic. DOCTOR: Oh, that's all right, I can't make a decent meringue. Draw like your life depends on it, Elliot. ELLIOT runs off. DOCTOR: (checks the time) 6 minutes 40. EXT. CWMTAFF, DAY ELLIOT draws his map as RORY and AMBROSE continue to put up cameras. INT. CHURCH, DAY NASREEN watches as the time counts down. TONY pulls up an overlay of the village. TONY: Works in quadrants, every movement sensor and triplight we've got. If anything moves, we'll know. DOCTOR: (slaps TONY on the back) Good lad! EXT. CWMTAFF, DAY The DOCTOR is looking through AMBROSE'S van. She walks by with her arms full of gardening implements and anything else that could be used as a weapon. AMBROSE: Oi! What're you doing?! DOCTOR: Resources! Every little helps! Meals on wheels. What've you got here then, warmer in the front, refrigerated in the back. AMBROSE: Bit chilly for a hideout, mind. (she sets the items in the front of the van) DOCTOR: What are those? AMBROSE: Like you say, every little helps. DOCTOR: No! No weapons. It's not the way I do things. AMBROSE: You said we're supposed to defend ourselves. DOCTOR: Oh, Ambrose, you're better than this. I'm asking nicely. Put them away. The DOCTOR walks away and AMBROSE gives a last look into the cab of the vehicle. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CHURCH, DAY The countdown shows 3:23. ELLIOT runs in with his map and gives it to the DOCTOR. DOCTOR: Look at that! Perfect! Dyslexia never stopped Da Vinci or Einstein, it's not stopping you. ELLIOT: I don't understand what you're going to do. DOCTOR: Two phase plan. First, the sensors and cameras will tell us when something arrives. Second, if something does arrive, I use this to send a sonic pulse through that network of devices, a pulse which would temporarily incapacitate most things in the universe. ELLIOT: Knock 'em out. Cool. DOCTOR: Lovely place to grow up, round here. ELLIOT: Suppose. I want to live in a city one day. Soon as I'm old enough, I'll be off. DOCTOR: I was the same, where I grew up. ELLIOT: Did you get away? DOCTOR: Yeah. ELLIOT: Do you ever miss it? DOCTOR: So much. ELLIOT: Is it monsters coming? Have you met monsters before? DOCTOR: Yeah. ELLIOT: You scared of them? DOCTOR: No! They're scared of me. ELLIOT: Will you really get my dad back? DOCTOR: No question. (gets back to work on the computer) ELLIOT: I left my headphones at home. (leaves) The countdown shows just over a minute. EXT. GRAVEYARD, DARK RORY is setting up a camera on one of the gravestones. DOCTOR: How're you doing? RORY: It's getting darker. (looks up at the sky to see the light being blocked) How can it be getting dark so quickly? DOCTOR: Shutting out light from within the barricade. Trying to isolate us in the dark. Which means... (they hear a rumbling) It's here. INT. CHURCH, DARK TONY turns on one of the lights and joins NASREEN by the computers. NASREEN: They're close to the surface now. NASREEN puts her hand on TONY'S. He grips her tightly and kisses her. NASREEN pulls back, surprised. NASREEN: Tony! TONY: Like you didn't know. NASREEN kisses him again. The countdown reaches zero. EXT. CHURCH, DARK The DOCTOR, RORY and AMBROSE are heading back into the church. AMBROSE is having trouble with the door. AMBROSE: I can't open it! It keeps sticking! The wood's warped. DOCTOR: (trying to open the door)(to RORY) Any time you want to help! RORY: Can't you sonic it? DOCTOR: It doesn't do wood! RORY: That is rubbish! DOCTOR: Oi! Don't diss the sonic! RORY joins them and the three open the door. INT. CHURCH, DARK The DOCTOR, RORY and AMBROSE join TONY and NASREEN as the church door slams shut behind them. The ground is shaking due to the imminent arrival. DOCTOR: See if we can get a fix. The DOCTOR runs to the computer. Items begin falling off shelves. The DOCTOR narrows down the area with the program TONY set up. The computers spark as the power goes out. TONY: No power. DOCTOR: It's deliberate. RORY: What do we do now? TONY turns on a bright torch. DOCTOR: Nothing. We've got nothing! They sent an energy surge to wreck our systems. RORY: Is everyone OK? Is anyone hurt? NASREEN: I'm fine. TONY: I'm good. AMBROSE: Me too. There is a loud rumbling. RORY: Doctor, what was that? TONY: It's like the holes at the drill station. NASREEN: Is this how they happened? The DOCTOR kneels then bends over to listen to the ground. DOCTOR: It's coming through the final layer of Earth. NASREEN: What is?! The DOCTOR stands quickly. There is silence. TONY: The banging's stopped. AMBROSE looks around the room. AMBROSE: Where's Elliot? Has anyone seen Elliot? Did he come in? Was he in when the door was shut? Who counted him back in? Who saw him last? DOCTOR: I did. AMBROSE: Where is he? DOCTOR: He said he was going to get headphones. AMBROSE: And you let him go? He was out there on his own? TONY puts a hand on her shoulder. EXT. GRAVEYARD, DARK ELLIOT runs towards the church. Behind him, we see a shadow rush by. ELLIOT stops and turns around. Not seeing anything, he continues on. We see a dark figure behind him. EXT. CHURCH, DARK ELLIOT pounds on the church door. ELLIOT: Mum! Grandpa Tony! Let me in! INT. CHURCH, DARK AMBROSE hears her son's cries. AMBROSE: Elliot! (rushes to the door) ELLIOT: (V.O.) Let me in. AMBROSE: He's out there! Help me. EXT. CHURCH, DARK ELLIOT pounds on the church door. ELLIOT: Open the door! (looks back to the graveyard) Mum! There's something out here! INT. CHURCH, DARK Everyone is working on opening the door. AMBROSE: Push, Elliot, push, Elliot! EXT. CHURCH, DARK Something runs past ELLIOT. ELLIOT: Mum! INT. CHURCH, DARK AMBROSE: Hurry up! EXT. CHURCH, DARK As if sensing something is behind him, ELLIOT stops and slowly turns around. We see him from the creature's POV. It scans him. ELLIOT: Mummy. INT. CHURCH, DARK TONY: Come on! (gets door open) AMBROSE: Elliot! EXT. CHURCH, DARK They rush outside but ELLIOT is gone. AMBROSE: Where is he? (runs out) He was here. He was here! Elliot. (runs into graveyard) DOCTOR: Ambrose, don't go running off. TONY: Ambrose! (runs after her) EXT. GRAVEYARD, DARK AMBROSE: Elliot! It's Mum! (sees ELLIOT'S headphones) No-o-o-o-o-o! A creature knocks her down on the ground. We see from the creature's POV and then from AMBROSE'S. It looks reptilian. AMBROSE: Get off me! The creature scans her as it did ELLIOT. TONY comes and knocks the thing away from his daughter. It lashes out with its tongue, getting TONY in the neck before running away. TONY is in pain. AMBROSE: Dad! The DOCTOR and RORY come running up. DOCTOR: What happened? AMBROSE: My dad's hurt. DOCTOR: Get him into the church now! AMBROSE: Elliot's gone. They've killed him, haven't they? DOCTOR: I don't think so. They've taken three people, when they could've just killed them up here. There's still hope, Ambrose. There is always hope. AMBROSE: (crying) Then why've they taken him? DOCTOR: I don't know. I'll find Elliot, I promise. But first I've gotta stop this attack. Please, get inside the church. AMBROSE: (helps TONY) Come on, Dad. (heads back to church) RORY: So, what now? EXT. CWMTAFF, DARK The DOCTOR is walking down the street wearing sunglasses. From his POV, we see they can pick up heat signatures. He stares at his hand and smiles. He sees something move in the bushes, something that doesn't give off any heat. DOCTOR: Cold blood. (sing-song) I know who they are. The DOCTOR stands by the meals on wheels van, whistling. He takes the fire extinguisher from the front seat and shuts the door. In the window, he sees the reflection of the creature approaching. He spins out of the way as it attacks and uses the fire extinguisher. The creature screams and RORY jumps out of the back, yelling. They push the creature in the refrigerated back and lock the door. RORY: We got it! DOCTOR: Defending the planet with meals on wheels! They raise their hands to "high five" but are distracted by a rumbling. RORY: What was that? DOCTOR: Sounds like they're leaving. RORY: Without this one? The darkness goes away as the sun is allowed to shine through again. RORY: Looks like we scared them off! DOCTOR: I don't think so. Now both sides have hostages. LOCATION UNKNOWN AMY'S wakes to find herself encased in what looks like a clear coffin. She pounds on the lid. AMY: Let me out! Can anybody hear me?! I'm alive in here! Let me out! I know you're out there! My name is Amy Pond and you'd better get me the hell out of here or so help me I am going to kick your backside! (she sees a distorted figure leaning over her) Please? FIGURE: Shh! AMY: Did you just shush me? (louder) Did you just shush me? (a gas begins to fill the coffin) No no no, don't do that. No gas! No gas! (she coughs then falls unconscious) EXT. GRAVEYARD, DAY RORY is sitting on a toppled grave marker as the DOCTOR comes around from the front of the church. DOCTOR: I've met these creatures before, different branch of the species, but all the same...(enters basement door) Let's see if our friend's thawed out! INT. CHURCH BASEMENT, DAY RORY: Are you sure? By yourself? The creature is sitting on the floor in the shadows DOCTOR: Very sure. RORY: But the sting... DOCTOR: Venom gland takes at least 24 hours to recharge. (to creature) Am I right? (to RORY) I know what I'm doing. I'll be fine. RORY leaves and the DOCTOR walks down the remaining steps to the floor. We can our first clear glimpse of the creature and it is definitely reptilian with large dark eyes. It is wearing some sort of chainmail. With bound hands, it moves forward along the floor towards the DOCTOR. DOCTOR: (hands up) I'm the Doctor. I've come to talk. I'm going to remove your mask. The DOCTOR squats down and gently removes the creature's mask, revealing a humanoid face. DOCTOR: You are beautiful. Remnant of a bygone age on planet Earth. And by the way, lovely mode of travel! Geothermal currents, projecting you up through a network of tunnels. Gorgeous! Mind if I sit? (stands) Now. (places a folding chair in front of the creature and sits) Your people have a friend of mine. I want her back. Why did you come to the surface? What do you want? Oh, I do hate a monologue. Give us a bit back. How many are you? CREATURE: I'm the last of my species. DOCTOR: Really? No. "Last of the species", the Klempari Defence. As an interrogation defence, it's a bit old hat, I'm afraid. CREATURE: I'm the last of my species. DOCTOR: No. You're really not. Because I'm the last of my species and I know how it sits in a heart. So don't insult me. Let's start again. Tell me your name. CREATURE: Alaya. DOCTOR: How long has your tribe been sleeping under the Earth, Alaya? It's not difficult to work out. You're 300 million years out of your comfort zone. Question is, what woke you now? ALAYA: We were attacked. DOCTOR: The drill. ALAYA: Our sensors detected a threat to our life support systems. The warrior class was activated to prevent the assault. We will wipe the vermin from the surface and reclaim our planet. DOCTOR: Do we have to say vermin? They're really very nice. ALAYA: Primitive apes. DOCTOR: Extraordinary species. You attack them, they'll fight back. But, there's a peace to be brokered here. I can help you with that. ALAYA: This land is ours. We lived here long before the apes. DOCTOR: Doesn't give you automatic rights to it now, I'm afraid. Humans won't give up the planet. ALAYA: So we destroy them. DOCTOR: You underestimate them. ALAYA: You underestimate us. DOCTOR: One tribe of homo reptilia against six billion humans, you've got your work cut out. ALAYA: (stands) We did not initiate combat. But we can still win. DOCTOR: Tell me where my friend is. Give us back the people who were taken. ALAYA: No. DOCTOR: (sighs and stands) I'm not going let you provoke a war, Alaya. (folds up chair and puts it away) There'll be no battle here today. (heads for the door) ALAYA: The fire of war is already lit. A massacre is due. DOCTOR: (stops) Not while I'm here. ALAYA: I'll gladly die for my cause. What will you sacrifice for yours? Without a word, the DOCTOR turns and leaves. INT. CHURCH, DAY The DOCTOR, RORY and TONY are sitting. AMBROSE and NASREEN are leaning or standing. RORY: You're going to what?! DOCTOR: I'm going to go down below the surface, to find the rest of the tribe. To talk to them. AMBROSE: You're going to negotiate with these aliens? DOCTOR: They're not aliens! They're Earth...liens! Once known as the Silurian race, or, some would argue, Eocenes, or Homo reptilia. Not monsters, not evil. (stands) Well, only as evil as you are. The previous owners of the planet, that's all. Look, from their point of view, you're the invaders. Your drill was threatening their settlement. Now, the creature in the crypt. Her name's Alaya. She's one of their warriors and she's my best bargaining chip. I need her alive. If she lives, so do Elliot and Mo and Amy. Because I will find them. While I'm gone, you four people, in this church, in this corner of planet Earth, you have to be the best of humanity. TONY: What if they come back? Shouldn't we be examining this creature, dissecting it, finding its weak points? DOCTOR: No dissecting! No examining! We return their hostage, they return ours. Nobody gets harmed. We can land this, together. If you are the best you can be. You are decent, brilliant people. Nobody dies today. Understand? Everyone nods quietly. NASREEN applauds but stops nervously when no one else joins in. EXT. GRAVEYARD, DAY The DOCTOR heads for the TARDIS and NASREEN runs up behind him. DOCTOR: No, sorry, no, what're you doing? NASREEN: Coming with you, of course! What is it, some kind of transport pod? DOCTOR: Sort of, but you're not...coming with me! (TONY joins them) TONY: He's right, you're not. NASREEN: I have spent all my life excavating the layers of this planet. And now you want me to stand back while you head down into it? I don't think so! DOCTOR: (checks watch) I don't have time to argue! NASREEN: I thought we were in a rush. DOCTOR: It'll be dangerous. NASREEN: Oh, so's crossing the road. DOCTOR: Oh, for goodness' sake, all right, then! Come on! (unlocks TARDIS and goes in) TONY: (stops NASREEN) Come back safe. NASREEN: Of course. (enters TARDIS) INT. TARDIS NASREEN does a double take upon entering the TARDIS. The DOCTOR is at the console. DOCTOR: Welcome aboard the TARDIS. Now don't touch anything! Very precious. NASREEN: (walks over from doorway) No way! But that's... this is...(slaps him on the arm) fantastic! What does it do? DOCTOR: Everything! I'm hoping, if we're going down, that barricade won't interfere. The TARDIS pitches drastically. The DOCTOR and NASREEN cling to the console. DOCTOR: Did you touch something?! NASREEN: No! Isn't this what it does?! DOCTOR: I'm not doing anything! We've been hijacked! I can't stop it! They must've sensed the electro-magnetic field! (looks on monitor) They're pulling the TARDIS down into the Earth! INT. CHURCH BASEMENT, DAY RORY, TONY and AMBROSE have come to look at ALAYA. ALAYA: (stands) You had to come and see me. RORY: We are going to keep you safe. AMBROSE: Your tribe are going to give us back our people, in exchange for you. ALAYA: No. (walks forward as far as her chains allow) Shall I tell you what's really going to happen, apes? One of you will kill me. My death shall ignite a war. And every stinking ape shall be wiped from the surface of my beloved planet. TONY: We won't allow that to happen. ALAYA: I know apes better than you know yourselves. I know which one of you will kill me. Do you? INT. CHURCH BASEMENT, STORAGE ROOM, DAY TONY finds a small mirror and checks his wound from ALAYA'S tongue. The venom is spreading through his blood, turning it green. INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR and NASREEN hold onto the console and yell. The TARDIS lands and the two fall to the floor. NASREEN snaps the DOCTOR'S braces. DOCTOR: Oi. NASREEN: Where are we? The DOCTOR gets up and runs for the door. NASREEN follows. INT. CAVE SYSTEM The DOCTOR holds a hand outside the door before stepping out. There are roots and fungus covering the walls. NASREEN steps out and water drips on her. The DOCTOR whistles in amazement as he looks up the way they fell. DOCTOR: Looks like we fell through the bottom of their tunnel system. Don't suppose it was designed for handling something like this. NASREEN: How far down are we? DOCTOR: A lot more than 21km. NASREEN: So why aren't we burning alive? DOCTOR: Don't know. Interesting, isn't it? NASREEN: It's like this is everyday to you! DOCTOR: Not every day. Every other day. The DOCTOR heads down one of the tunnels, and, after a slight delay, NASREEN follows. INT. SILURIAN MEDICAL BAY AMY is upright against an examining board, he arms and legs clasped down. She struggles against them. MO is in a similar predicament next to her. MO: Don't struggle. (whisper) Close your eyes and don't struggle. [b]AMY: :[/b] (whisper) What? Where am I? Why can't I move my body? MO: (whisper) Decontamination, they call it. They did it to me. While I was conscious. [b]AMY: :[/b] OK, you're freaking me out now. Did what? Who did? MO: (whispers) Dissected me. (looks down at his torso where there is a long vertical healing scar) [b]AMY: :[/b] (whisper) No. MO: (whisper) He's coming. I'm sorry. (normal voice) I wish I could help you. One of the Silurians approaches AMY, a surgeon's mask over his nose and mouth. He is wearing an apron and holding up a syringe. AMY struggles furiously. INT. TUNNEL, DAY The DOCTOR walks past an opening but NASREEN stops to look as he talks. DOCTOR: We're looking for a small tribal settlement. Probably housing around a dozen homo reptilia. Maybe less. NASREEN looks out at something bathed in a golden light. NASREEN: (slowly) One small tribe. The Doctor makes his way back. DOCTOR: Yeah. NASREEN: Maybe a dozen? The DOCTOR joins her and sees the same thing. DOCTOR: Ah. Below them is a large community, verging on a city with buildings and monuments. DOCTOR: Maybe more than a dozen. Maybe more like an entire civilization living beneath the Earth.

Plan: A: Wales; Q: Where do the Doctor, Amy and Rory arrive in 2020? A: Dr. Nasreen Chaudhry; Q: Who is the doctor that the Doctor takes underground? A: ( Meera Syal; Q: Who played Dr. Nasreen Chaudhry? A: Robert Pugh; Q: Who played Tony Mack? A: the ground; Q: What are they drilling into? A: a mining experiment; Q: What are they drilling for? A: Alun Raglan; Q: Who played Mo? A: reptilian; Q: What type of humanoids are the Silurians? A: the surface; Q: What do the Silurians reach? A: Mo's son; Q: Who was dragged underground? A: Samuel Davies; Q: Who played Elliot? A: Alaya; Q: Who is the Silurian that the Doctor and Rory capture? A: her venomous tongue; Q: What did Alaya infect Tony with? A: the TARDIS; Q: What does the Doctor take Nasreen underground on? A: an immense Silurian civilisation; Q: What do the Doctor and Nasreen discover underground? Summary: The Doctor, Amy and Rory arrive in Wales in 2020, where Dr. Nasreen Chaudhry ( Meera Syal ) and Tony Mack ( Robert Pugh ) are drilling into the ground for a mining experiment. Mack's son-in-law Mo (Alun Raglan) had been dragged underground, and the same fate befalls Amy. The Doctor discovers that the reptilian humanoid Silurians , disturbed by the drilling project, reach the surface and kidnap Mo's son Elliot (Samuel Davies). Rory and the Doctor capture Alaya ( Neve McIntosh ), a Silurian which has infected Tony with her venomous tongue. As a Silurian is about to vivisect Amy (as he had done to Mo), the Doctor takes Nasreen underground on the TARDIS and they discover an immense Silurian civilisation.

Scene: A taxi Bernadette: Burbank Airport, please. Penny: Vegas, here we come. Bernadette: No husbands, no boyfriends, no rules. Amy: No rules? We're not gonna get drunk and have a six-way with the Blue Man Group, are we? Penny: No. Amy: So there are some rules. Bernadette: Fine. No husbands, no boyfriends, some rules. Amy: Thank you. Vegas! Scene: The apartment. Howard: The ladies are away, the boys will play. Raj: Anything can happen. Leonard: It's gonna get crazy. Sheldon: Dungeons & Dragons. Scene: The taxi. Penny: I got a brand-new bikini, so drinks at the pool are on these. Bernadette: I got a sexy new tube top that says come hither, and a can of pepper spray that says close enough, Jack. Amy: I got some old underwear I'm gonna throw on stage at the Garth Brooks concert. Penny: I'm sorry, why old? Amy: 'Cause last time I saw him, I threw new ones and it got me nothing. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: I've got a brand-new seven piece set of polyhedral dice. Hello, new dice smell. Leonard: I've got my helm of lordly might, my boots of speed, and if things get too exciting, my inhaler of asthma. Raj: I got my new bloodthirsty savage warrior who will lay waste to all who stand before him. And I had a sensible salad for lunch, so I can eat all the pizza I want. Howard: Come on, are we gonna sit around chatting like a bunch of teenage girls, or are we gonna play D&D like a bunch of teenage boys who are never gonna have s*x with those teenage girls? Scene: The taxi. Girls: Vegas! Vegas! Vegas! Scene: The apartment. Boys: The Dungeon of Mofooskay-Heeko! The Dungeon of Mofooskay-Heeko! The Dungeon of Mofooskay-Heeko! Credits sequence. Scene: The apartment. Raj: I'm actually glad Lucy had to work tonight. Saved me the awkward conversation about how I was gonna be hanging with my bros. Howard: Isn't every conversation you two have awkward? Raj: Painfully so. We have this rule on the phone that if no one talks for three minutes, you can just hang up. So into her. Howard: Ready whenever you guys are. Sheldon: Yeah, yeah, we'll be right there. Leonard? Leonard: Yeah? Sheldon: I'm not sure how I feel about Howard being dungeon master instead of you. Leonard: Oh, that's nice. But relax, sometimes change is good. Uh, you were worried about Zachary Quinto being the new Spock, but you wound up liking him. Sheldon: Oh, please. Every time the topic of change comes up, you throw Zachary Quinto in my face. I'm upset the mailman has a new haircut, Zachary Quinto. I'm upset that daylight saving time started, Zachary Quinto. I'm upset daylight saving time ended, Zachary Quinto. I'm saying this for the last time, Zachary Quinto was a weird, wonderful, unrepeatable event. So stop using him against me. Howard: Okay, here we go. You find yourselves in an overgrown old forest. Before you is a giant oak tree with a face on it that looks a lot like Nicolas Cage. He says, (Nicolas Cage voice) Travel with caution. These woods are home to the bones of many a fallen hero. Leonard: See, Howard's just as good a dungeon master as I am. Sheldon: As good? You just got pantsed in the schoolyard, four-eyes. Raj: Hey, come on, guys, focus. Um, uh, oh, mighty Nicolas Cage tree, we thank you for your warning, but we are brave warriors, and nothing short of death will keep us from our goal. (Text sound) Oh, Lucy's free after all. See ya. Leonard: Hey, hey, hey, you can't leave. We just started. Raj: You're right, I should finish the game. I take my plus-one long sword, stab myself in the face with it. I'm dead, I've got a date with a girl. Bye. Howard: We'll be fine, watch. Suddenly, a spectral shape rises from Koothrappali's bloody corpse, and says, (Raj voice) don't worry, buddies, ghost Raj will help guide you through the forest. (Nicolas Cage voice) Well, I'm just a tree, but if I were you, I'd listen to your ghost friend. Sheldon: Go on, give him your lunch money. Scene: A restaurant Raj: I'm very happy you were able to hang out tonight. Lucy: Me, too. Raj: Not that it's up to you to make me happy. Uh, well, unless you find neediness sexy. In which case, you're about to have dinner with the hottest man on the planet. Lucy: Can I tell you something? I was so nervous about seeing you, before I left my apartment, I put roll-on antiperspirant all over my body. Raj: Really? Lucy: Yeah. If sweat starts squirting out the top of my head, you'll know why. Raj: I, uh, I'm sorry to put you through that. Lucy: Oh, it's okay. I've been trying to force myself to do things that make me scared. Raj: What else have you been thinking about doing? Lucy: Well, let's see. I'd love to be able to tell the lady who cuts my hair that I don't like bangs. Raj: I like your bangs. Lucy: Oh, thanks, I like 'em, too. Raj: What else? Lucy: Mmm, it's kind of a tie between sending food back in a restaurant and saying no to those kids who sell magazines door-to-door. Raj: Mm, yeah. Those are both toughies. Lucy: I know. I have a two-year subscription to Guns & Ammo.53 Scene: The apartment. Leonard: I push my shoulder against the secret door to see if it gives way. Howard: Uh, it does. (Creaking sound) Sheldon: He does sound effects, too! Leonard: Hey, I always did sound effects. A-A swarm of bloodthirsty bats fly through the dungeon. (Clicking sounds) Uh, uh, they attack a nearby unicorn. (Strange howl) Sheldon: Okay, well, I have a sound effect for those sound effects. (Blows raspberry) Penny: Guess who? Howard: What are you doing back? Bernadette: That's an excellent question. Amy? Amy: Uh, well, when we were going through security, I got pulled out of line for a pat-down. The, uh, TSA agent got a little handsy. I may have broken her nose with my elbow. Bernadette: Long story short, she's on the No Fly List and we might have been followed here by a drone. Amy: I'm sorry. I feel like such an idiot. Penny: Oh, it's not so bad. You lost money, you're filled with shame and you got groped by a stranger. I mean, that's Vegas, you nailed it. Amy: You guys enjoy your evening. I'm gonna go before I ruin anybody else's weekend. Sheldon: Ah, that's my girl. Leonard: No, no, no, Amy, wait. I know it's not the night you had in mind, but why don't you guys stay and play with us? It'll be fun. Sheldon: It would? Fun? Okay, three weeks ago you bought crunchy peanut butter, now you want the girls to play D&D? Do you have a drug problem? Leonard: What's the big deal? Raj bailed, so we could use some extra players. Sheldon: Well, I've just never played Dungeons & Dragons with girls before. Penny: Oh, don't worry, sweetie. No one has. Leonard: So, what do you say? Sheldon: I'll leave it up to the dungeon master. Howard: A satanic fungus that looks suspiciously like Al Pacino rises from the forest floor and says, (Al Pacino voice) You're playing D&D. You're playing D&D. This whole apartment is playing D&D. Scene: Later, the same. Penny: Okay, who wants a drink? Sheldon: Yeah, we, now, Penny, we don't consume alcohol during Dungeons & Dragons. It impairs our judgment. Penny: Oh, this isn't alcohol. It's a magic potion that makes me like you. Leonard: Double potion, please. Howard: Okay, here we go. You find yourselves face-to-face with two hulking ogres. What are you doing in our dungeon? You shall die! Sheldon: Okay, literal goose bumps. Look. Howard: What do you do? Leonard: I draw my broadsword. Sheldon: I ready my quarter-staff. Penny: I drink my potion. Bernadette: I say we attack the big one. Penny: You know what? Give me the dice, I want to roll. Howard: The dungeon master's supposed to roll. Penny: Yeah, well I'm supposed to be in Vegas throwing up on a shrimp buffet. Now give it. All right, what do I need? Howard: Uh, fifteen or higher. Penny: Fifteen's the point, the point is fifteen. Give the little lady some room, here it is, coming out. Sixteen! Yes! Oh, please tell me we're playing for money. Sheldon: Oh, even better than money. You gained experience points. Penny: More potion, please. Leonard: Yeah. Scene: The restaurant. Raj: How are your crab cakes? Lucy: Kind of funky. Raj: That's great. Lucy: It is? Does funky mean something different in India? Raj: No, no. Uh, you've always wanted to send your food back in a restaurant, here's your chance. Lucy: Mmm, it's okay. I just won't eat 'em. Raj: Don't be ridiculous. Waiter? Waiter: Everything all right? Lucy: Uh, yeah. Everything all right with you? Waiter: Yes. Lucy: 'Kay, thanks, bye. Raj: Hold on. Isn't there something else you wanted to tell him? Lucy: N-No, it, it's fine. Uh, He's from a different country, he doesn't understand our ways. Raj: Don't be silly. Just tell him. Lucy: I have to go to the bathroom. And it's not because the crab cakes are funky. Waiter: So you're okay here? Raj: Uh, yeah, sorry. She's just a little shy. The first time we met, she was so nervous, she climbed out a bathroom window to get away from me. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Lucy climbs out of bathroom window to find a locked gate. Lucy: Uh-oh. (Dials phone) Hey, Raj. Funny story. Scene: The apartment. Bernadette: Come on, mama wants a pair of dead ogres. Howard: Seventeen, the larger ogre is dead. The-the other ogre says, you killed my brother, now Ogre Thanksgiving is ruined. Sheldon: That is amazing. He made me care about the ogre. Leonard: All right, Amy, there's one ogre left. Take him out. Amy: Okay. Penny: Pretend he's that TSA agent. Come on. Amy: Nineteen. Yes, this is turning out to be even better than Vegas. Penny: No, it's not. Scene: An alley behind the restaurant. Raj: Lucy? Lucy: Hey. Long time no see. Raj: You don't know me very well, but each time you crawl out a bathroom window to escape my company, it chips away at my masculinity. Lucy: I'm sorry. Raj: Why would you leave like that? Lucy: You were pushing me. I clearly didn't want to send my food back, and you tried to make me do it anyway. Raj: Okay, if I upset you, then why didn't you just say something? Lucy: Well, how can I tell you I'm upset if I can't tell the woman at Supercuts that my forehead's my best feature? It's scary. Raj: Yeah, well, I like you a lot, and that's scary for me. Mostly because you're a proven flight risk. Lucy: How could you like me a lot? Raj: Well, uh, for one thing, you have bigger emotional problems than I do, and I find that very attractive in a woman. I, I don't know. I just, I think you're wonderful. Lucy: I'm sweating out of my head. Scene: The apartment. Howard: The dragon falls from the sky, crashing into the volcano. Sheldon: Yay! Howard: But wait., he's not dead. He crawls out, spreads his wings and prepares to attack. Sheldon: Yeah, uh, wait. Doesn't he say something first? You know, maybe in the voice of a beloved celebrity? Howard: Fine. (Christopher Walken voice) You'd think, after all these years, I'd know not to fly over volcanoes. I'm a freaking idiot. Sheldon: The dragon's Christopher Walken. That's perfect. Leonard: All right, Amy, it's your turn. We need one more hit. Finish him off. Amy: Here we go. Fifteen? Howard: It's a hit. The dragon collapses to the ground. Sheldon: Wait. Wait. And says? Howard: Mother? Is that you? Your little boy is coming home. Sheldon: Oh, I don't know about you guys, but I have been through the emotional wringer tonight. Bernadette: This may be the potion talking, but you are one fine-ass dungeon master. Howard: Oh, yeah? Well, when we get home, I'm gonna take you on a whole different adventure. Sheldon: Another quest by Wolowitz? Count me in. Amy: Sheldon, they're talking about s*x. Sheldon: Oh, then I'm out. Penny: Ooh, I have an idea. Since it's not happening any time soon, why don't your character and your character do it in the game? Bernadette: Ooh! Come on, back me up here. Howard: Oh. Together: Ooh! Bernadette: Okay, I cast a love spell on Sheldon and Amy. Leonard: Ooh! Sorry, I thought you were gonna do that. Howard: The love spell takes effect. When Sheldon looks at Amy, she is the most beautiful half-orc he's ever seen, and he's overcome with a desire to rip her armour off and gaze fondly at her four hairy breasts. When Amy sees Sheldon, he looks, well, just like Sheldon, 'cause apparently she's into that. What do you do? Amy: I don't like this. Sheldon: You see what happens when you let girls play D&D? Scene: Sheldon's bedroom. Sheldon (off): (Knock, knock, knock) Amy. (Knock, knock, knock) Amy. (Knock, knock, knock) Amy. Amy: What? Sheldon: I've never knocked on my own door before. That was a wild ride. Amy: You don't have to come in here and cheer me up. Sheldon: Thank you. Would you go tell everyone else that? Because they sure think otherwise. Amy: I'll tell you what they think. They think our relationship is a joke. Sheldon: Well, I don't think our relationship is a joke. I think "a horse goes into a bar, bartender says, why the long face?', that's a joke. It's a good one, too, because a horse has a long face. Amy: Sheldon, are we ever going to have an intimate relationship? Sheldon: Oh, my. That's an uncomfortable topic. Amy, before I met you, I never had any interest in being intimate with anyone. Amy: And now? Sheldon: And now what? Amy: Do you have any interest now? Sheldon: I have not ruled it out. Amy: Wow. Talk dirty to me. Sheldon: I know it doesn't seem like it to you, but, for me, what we have is extremely intimate. Amy: I guess I know that. It's just, part of me wants more. Sheldon: More? I mean, look at us. It's only been three years, here we are in bed together. Amy: Come on. Let's go back out there. Sheldon: Well, no. Hold on. My Elven magic-user and your half-orc warrior did have a love spell cast on them. We wouldn't really be playing the game right if we didn't see that through. Amy: Okay. Sheldon: I believe that, uh, we just killed a dragon. While the others pillage the corpse, I lead you to a secluded area where I attempt to remove your leather armour. (Rolls dice) It comes off. Amy: Oh. Sheldon: What do you do? Amy: I kiss you on the lips. Sheldon: I kiss you back on the (Rolls dice) lips as well. Your turn. Amy: I remove your armour. What do you do? Sheldon: I erotically caress your (Rolls dice) nose. Amy: Keep rolling. Scene: Outside Sheldon's bedroom. Leonard: Hey, you guys have been in there for a while. You doing okay? Sheldon (off): We're fine, thank you. Penny: Okay, we just want to say, we feel really bad about... Amy: Go away! Sheldon is nibbling on my (sound of dice) 14! Yes!

Plan: A: Las Vegas; Q: Where do the women go for the weekend? A: Lucy; Q: Who is busy when the men play Dungeons and Dragons? A: a new dungeon master - adding voice impressions; Q: What is Howard's role in the game? A: the amusement; Q: What was the reaction of the others to the voice impressions? A: a date; Q: What do Raj and Lucy go on? A: her crab cakes; Q: What does Raj try to force Lucy to reject? A: the washroom; Q: Where does Lucy go to escape Raj? A: a chain link fence; Q: What is Lucy trapped behind? A: help; Q: What does Lucy call Raj for? A: Leonard and Sheldon's apartment; Q: Where does the game take place? A: Amy; Q: Who assaulted a TSA officer? A: Penny; Q: Who suggests that Sheldon and Amy have sex in the game? A: her non-sexual relationship; Q: What does Amy feel the others are mocking? A: Sheldon's room; Q: Where does Amy lock herself? A: their relationship; Q: What does Sheldon find intimate? A: her one day; Q: When does Sheldon say he might have sex with Amy? A: a sex scene; Q: What do Sheldon and Amy simulate in the game? Summary: The women head to Las Vegas for the weekend and Lucy is busy, so the men play Dungeons and Dragons with Howard as a new dungeon master - adding voice impressions of popular Hollywood celebrities along the way, to the amusement of the others. When Lucy texts Raj that she is free, he kills his own character to leave the game, and joins her for a date, where she admits she is trying to force herself to do things that scare her. The date goes well until he tries to force Lucy to reject her crab cakes. She heads for the washroom and climbs out of the window, but is trapped behind a chain link fence and calls Raj for help. He confronts her for always walking out of their dates but says he really likes her for having even more emotional problems than he does. They kiss through the fence. Meanwhile, at Leonard and Sheldon's apartment, the men's game is interrupted by the women, who could not board their Vegas flight as Amy assaulted a TSA officer who "groped" her. They join the game. All is fine until Penny suggests that the characters of Sheldon and Amy to have sex in the game, upsetting Amy, who feels the others are mocking her non-sexual relationship with Sheldon. She locks herself in Sheldon's room. He joins Amy to console her, explaining that he finds their relationship "intimate" despite not having sex. He has also not ruled out having sex with her one day. They then simulate a sex scene with their game characters.

"Viva Las Vegas" 37th Episode of Roswell Production Code: 2ADA15 [SCENE_BREAK] Maria (in front of chalkboard): So there's been some confusion... okay a lot of confusion. And uh, the only person who's gonna get you there is me, so let's review, okay? Fantastic. She picks up a piece of chalk and draws a circle on the blackboard. Maria: This is their planet, off in the middle of the universe somewhere. She draws another circle Maria: This is our planet, Earth. Their planet (points to first circle); Earth (points to second circle). With me so far? Fantastic. All right, the aliens. Max (picture), Michael or Spaceboy (picture) as I like to call him, Isabel (picture) and Tess (picture). They landed here in 1947. They gestated in these really gross pods for 40 years. And then they, uh, sort of hatched. Now there's only a few of us humans who know about them - Liz (picture), Alex (picture), Kyle (picture), Kyle's dad (picture), and me (picture with short hair) I hate that picture (change of picture with long hair) better. All right, what you need to know about them. They have special powers, of course. They use Tabasco sauce by the crate. And trying to have a relationship with them, it's like suicide. I mean it... it's like typical bad relationship stuff, but even weirder. For instance there's this one time when future Max told Liz that she needed to break up with the present Max, or else the world would end. So she did. But she ended up missing out all this romance stuff that they would've done, like eventually eloping and getting married in Las Vegas. (pause) Speaking of Las Vegas... [SCENE_BREAK] Max and Michael are running in the dark, through the halls at school. They hide behind some lockers. Max: I think we lost them. Michael: Are you sure? (Nervous) Max: Not really Michael: Where's Isabel? Max: She's gone, Michael. Now pull it together or we're gonna to be next. Michael: Okay, okay, what - what do they want from us? Max: We need a plan. We can't fly by the seat of our pants anymore. Michael: (nervous) They gotta want something. Maybe we can talk to them. Max: It's time to step it up. Face the demon. No more hiding. Michael: What are you talking about? He turns around to look for them and when he turns back Max is gone Michael: Max! Maxwell? We see people dressed like the S.W.A.T team, pointing guns at Michael, he's really scared Michael: No, please, no! They start shooting at him, and he wakes up, gasping for air, touching his chest to check on the bullet holes. He realizes it was just a dream and gets out of bed, goes into the kitchen, and smashes the refrigerator. He then grabs a paper bag and pulls out the money he got from the Duprees. [SCENE_BREAK] Max's bedroom window flies open, he wakes up a little bit scared, and sees Michael Max: What's going on? Michael: We are leaving; that's what's going on. You and I-- we're getting out of this town for a couple of days. Max: What? Why? What's wrong? Michael: I need a road trip. I gotta clear out the cobwebs. Max: What the hell are you talking about? Michael: I'm talking about getting out of this two-bit town for a couple of days and having some fun. Is there something wrong about that? Max: No, there's nothing wrong with that. You wanna tell me what's really going on. (He turns the light on) Michael: Nightmares, Maxwell. I can't shake them; I've had them every night for two weeks. I mean my brain needs a vacation, or I swear to God I'm going to lose it on someone or something, and it's not gonna to be pretty. Max: Okay, we'll take a vacation Michael: Yeah, today, now, let's go, out of town Max: Today? But ... we need a plan. Michael: Screw the plan, let's just go. Max: Michael, you gotta trust me here. Michael: Oh come on. Max: We need a cover story, so no one looks for us. So first we'll go to school.... Michael: I cannot make it through another day of school. Max: Look ... just give me sometime so cover our tracks and we're out of here. Okay? Michael: Okay, okay, okay. (He sits on the couch, and Max sits in his bed) Max: So... where are we going anyway? Michael: You're gonna love it. It's a place without rules, without responsibilities, a place where we can forget about our troubles, it's a city of dreams Max: (with a face of "what") Which would be... Michael: Vegas... we're going to Vegas baby [SCENE_BREAK] We see Max and Michael walking in school Max: You know, you don't have to blow the whole 50 G's in one trip, Michael. We could take $10,000 and still have a good time. Michael: I don't want the money, not one thin dime. Max: But just think about it for a minute. You could use that cash to build your future. Michael: The money was a bribe, it's tainted. You don't build your future on that. Besides I think it's haunting me. I wanna get rid of it. Max: Michael, be reasonable. Michael: (Shouting) Hey!, I'm not gonna be reasonable. This isn't a reasonable day in my life. Max: Ok, ok. That's a lot of cash to keep in your locker. We see Michael using his powers to lock it Michael: I defy the National Guard to open it. Now go ahead and make a plan for our escape, and then let's go. Isabel: (walking up) Go where? Michael: Nowhere. Meet me in the lounge in fifth period and have a plan. Michael leaves, and Max and Isabel start walking through the hall Isabel: Where are you going fifth period? Max: We're ... going to Vegas. Isabel: "We". Max: Michael and I. It's really for him, he needs a break. Isabel: And I don't? Do I really have to give you the list of all the things that I have had to deal with lately? Max: No. Isabel: Then I'm sure I don't have to stand here and convince you that if anyone needs a break it's your loving sister, who has asked for so little and given so much. Max: No. Isabel: And I'm sure that whatever plan you come up with will work just as easily for 3 as it will for 2, right? Max: It will now. Isabel: Fabulous, I'll see you in the lounge later. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael and Kyle are in Spanish class Teacher: ¿Dónde est´ Felipe? Class: Felipe esta en la cocina. Kyle throws a piece of paper at Michael Kyle: What you reading? Michael: (showing Kyle a book about gambling) Vegas, baby. Kyle: You're going. Michael: Si Teacher: ¿Y qué hace Felipe en la cocina? Kyle responds while flipping through the book Class: Felipe come huevos. Kyle: When? Michael: Fifth period, Max is making plans. Kyle: Do you have room for one more. Michael: Sorry, aliens only, you understand. Kyle takes some money out of his shirt pocket Kyle: Put a quarter on red for me. Teacher: (To Kyle) Pepe ¿qué pasa? She confiscates the gambling book Teacher: Hmmm, detención. Los huevos son buenos. Class: Los comemos con salsa. Kyle: (to Michael) Triple it, or die. [SCENE_BREAK] Tess is walking down the hall, and Kyle catches up with her Kyle: Hey, hey, hey. Even though you held out on me, I'll cover with Dad, in exchange for a dime on black. Tess: Did somebody step on your head in gym? Kyle: Hey, knock it off. I'm talking about your "Martians-only" field trip to Vegas. Tess: I don't know what you're talking about, but I'm not going to Vegas. Kyle: Oh, maybe it's a surprise. (They pass Maria, who's looking in another direction) Max and Michael are organizing the whole thing. Tess: Really? Where did you hear that. We see Maria turning around. Then we see her with Michael walking to the patio for lunch Michael: You can't come Maria: Why? Michael: Because things are gonna happen that the faint of the heart shouldn't see. Maria: Oh, please! Besides how are you paying for this trip anyway? Michael: The Dupree's money. Maria: That's $50,000 Michael. Michael: Yeah, and I'm gonna spend every cent of it. Maria: Oh really? Okay, where are you staying? Michael: I got a double on the clean & cheap. Maria: Okay, how about food? Michael: There's some buffets I want to check out. Maria: Okay, you're up to about $37. What else? (Michael is quiet) Come on. Nobody can spend money like I can spend money. You need me on this trip, Michael. Michael: All right, tag along. But you are coming in a completely professional capacity only. This isn't some kissy-kissy romantic retreat. I have stuff to do. Maria: (Very happy) Thank you, thank you. (she kisses him on the cheek) Michael: Hey, hey. Don't go telling everybody, and let's keep this low profile. Seriously! Maria starts walking fast, and the she begins to run [SCENE_BREAK] Maria is talking to Liz in the science lab Maria: I booked a suite at the Bali Hai hotel and casino. Amenities include marble statuary, world-class shopping and lighted tennis courts. Liz: Vegas just isn't my idea of fun. Maria: The pool has a water slide. Liz: I'm sorry. Maria: In the shape of a giant flamingo. Please come with me to Vegas, Liz. Michael is gonna be off doing some dumb guy thing, and I really need a gal pal. Liz: No. Maria: Please. Liz: Maria, the reason I'm not going to Vegas... is because I was married there. Maria: What? Liz: Yes, when future Max came, he told me. We got married in Vegas at the Elvis chapel, and it was the most romantic night of our lives. So basically, I don't want to go Vegas -- ever. Maria: All right, you know what? There's a lesson to be learned here. What happened between you and Max is unspeakably intense, but the marriage thing never actually really happened, so you've gotta let go of it. You've got to create your own memories, and that's what we're gonna do in Vegas with Michael's money. Alex arrives Alex: Ohh, I love the smell of formaldehyde in the morning. Maria: Alex, pop quiz. If you were given the chance would you rather a) Dissect pig babies. Liz: Embryos. Maria: Or b) get an all-expense-paid trip to Vegas. Alex: When do we leave? Maria: Today after fifth period. Come on, Liz, all the cool kids are doing it. Liz: I would really appreciate if you would respect my decision. Maria: (starts singing) Viva Las Vegas. Liz: Maria Maria: Viva, viva Las Vegas. Liz: Maria Maria: Viva Las Vegas. Liz looks at Alex, but Alex has nothing to say, obviously he thinks like Maria [SCENE_BREAK] Michael is walking down the hall and Tess catches up with him Tess: Michael, hey, I hope you don't mind, but I invited Kyle on our trip to Vegas, 'cause you know, he's been really a stand-up guy, and he did, technically, save the world from the crystals and everything. Michael: (Looks at Tess with a "what") "Our" trip? Tess: Yeah, and I just wanted to let you know, too, that when I first moved to town I felt like a complete outsider, you know, no friends, barely any family, but you really helped me feel welcome. And this trip you know -- wow! (she jumps up and down) It's just so great of you to organize it for us all, and we can all use some time away, plus, I've always wanted to go to Vegas! So can I tell Kyle it's okay? Michael: Sure I'm glad to have him. And you, by the way. Tess: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Liz is in the science lab, putting some stuff inside the science tubes. She keeps glancing at the clock and finds herself humming Viva Las Vegas Liz: Mm - mmm Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas, Viva... Scene cuts to Michael opening his locker and taking out the bag of money. He starts walking down the hall and as he turns the corner he sees the whole gang, except Max and Liz, and a chauffeur holding a sign that says "Guerin Party") Michael: This is low-profile? Maria: Don't you love that little hat? Max: (walking up behind him, and speaking in the principal's voice) Going somewhere, Mr. Guerin? (regular voice) Pretty good Principal Forrester, huh? Michael: Yeah, you're a riot. What's the plan? Max: At this very moment, the debate team is leaving for a two-day meet in Santa Fe. According to this piece of paper, we're going with them. If anybody asks, our original oral topic was "Space Travel: Wave of the Future or Misbegotten Dream?" Alex: Catchy. Michael: All right, let's go. As everybody begins to walk away, we see Liz running towards them Liz: Hey! You got room for one more? Maria: Oh, I'm so proud of you. (She hugs her) Max: Yeah, (a little shocked) but let's get out of the hall before someone starts asking questions. Michael stops Liz with his arm Michael: No lecturing, no moralizing, no whining about spending money on the homeless. This weekend it's about fun and debauchery. You got it? Liz: Yeah. I know how to have fun. Michael: Right. [SCENE_BREAK] We start seeing images of Vegas with "Viva Las Vegas" playing in the background Bellboy: Here we are ... the presidential suite. You've got 3 bedrooms, 3 baths, state-of-the-art entertainment system, 6 person jacuzzi (Maria takes money from Michael's bag) heated to a toasty 102. Is there anything else I could get you folks (Maria gives him his tip) Uh ... thanks. I'll go get you some ice. Maria: (Screeching) Tess: (Running) I bet they have towel warmer. Kyle: Let's see about some in-house porno. Michael: Hold on! Line up, ID's out. This town has some restrictions about having fun. I'm gonna fix that. You are no longer high school students from Roswell, New Mexico-- you are of-age party machines. Michael uses his powers to change the birthdates on the ID's Michael: These are your aliases. You will use these aliases for the duration of our trip. Sound off. Kyle: Okay, Harvey Wallbanger. Tess: Piña Colada. Alex: Tom Collins. Isabel: Brandy Alexander. Maria: Margarita Salt. Liz: Shirley Temple. Max: Rob Roy Michael: And I'm your host, Dr. Love. Everybody: (Stifling laughter) Michael: Since I'm sponsoring this operation, you will follow my rules. Your bank is 3 grand. This cash is to be spent here. There is no hoarding it. Rule number 2 - and this is the biggie. Rob Roy and Dr. Love run alone. You see us at a table, you find another one. If there's no other questions ... then go out and clobber the house. Alex runs first, then Kyle, then Isabel, the Tess and then Maria. Max approaches Liz Max: I was uh ... I was kind of surprised to see you were down for this kind of trip. Liz: Oh, oh, well, you know, I could say the same thing to you. Max: I'm only here for Michael. He's uh ... he's kinda going through something. I just wanna keep an eye on him. Liz: Oh! So this is not a vacation for you. Max: It's the last place I'd wanna take a vacation. Liz: Yeah, me too. I'm just here for Maria. Michael: Hey Shirley. Didn't you hear the Dr's orders? Liz: Yeah, I'm sorry. We were just ... Michael: Good, yeah, cool, good. Bye (he pushes her towards the door) Liz: Okay. (Leaving) Bye. Michael: Oh, she's exhausting. (To Max) It's pretty swanky huh? Max: Yeah, it's great. Michael: I mean... time for fun. Pick your poison. Blackjack, craps, roulette. Max: Yeah, yeah, whatever you want. Michael: That's not the spirit I'm looking for Robbie. But don't worry, Dr. Love will show you the way. [SCENE_BREAK] We see the casino, the games, the people, and the 4 girls walking together Tess: This is so cool. Isabel: Hey. What should we do first? Maria is on her cell phone Liz: I think we should try and play a game. Maria: Ok. I'm set. I just booked a salt scrub at the spa. Liz: Wait, wait. What happened to needing a gal pal? Maria: I'll be an hour tops. Have fun, guys. Isabel: Okay, bye. Okay ladies let's just dive in. Isabel walks in without a problem, but the security guard stops Liz and Tess Security Guard: Excuse me, can I see some identification? Tess: Sure. Security Guard: Nice try, girls, the video arcade is that way. Tess: Uh, excuse me, we're 21. Security Guard: Yeah and I'm charo. Tess: You know, I'm sure we can find another form of I.D. in here somewhere. Liz: We are 17 years old. (laughs nervously) Tess: Mm - hmm. Good job. Liz: I'm sorry, very, very sorry. They leave, and then we see Isabel, Kyle and Alex in a blackjack table Isabel: Show me how it works. Kyle: All right. You put your bet here. And the point is to get to 21. Kings are worth 10, so you get another card, now you've got 16, so another card, now you go to 25, and he takes your money away. Isabel: Gee! What a great game. Thank you. Kyle: I'm sorry, you have to play more than one hand. Isabel: Kyle, this is math, not exactly what I'm looking for in a vacation. Kyle: Well, this is the gambling capital of the world. What are you looking for? Isabel: I guess I'll know when I see it. Later. Kyle: All right. Alex: She is right you know. It's math. More precisely, AP Statistics, which dictates that an all-or-nothing strategy has the best chance of beating the house. (He bets all his money) Kyle: That makes no sense. Hit me. Alex: Hit me. (He loses) Kyle: You took that one in the shorts. Maria: (Coming up behind them) You will never believe what I've found in the spa locker room. Alex: Oh God. My heart hurts. Maria: A booking agent is holding auditions. Alex, Alex I need the hugest favor from you. I need an accompanist. Alex: I play the bass guitar. Maria: No, no. You could fake it in the piano. It's just some simple chorus change. It first starts off with an E and then in the bridge it goes... Alex: (Babbling, and then shouts) Maria -- I just lost $3000, all right! Maria: Alex, I'll, I'll give you $3000, if you help me get this gig. Please. Alex: The key was E, right? Maria: Right. Alex: All right. What's the tune? [SCENE_BREAK] Max and Michael are at the dice table Strickman: Coming out. Michael: Basic rules 7 or 11 on the first roll you're golden. 2, 3 or 12 you lose your shirt. We've got a first time roller here. Max: No. You go ahead. I'll just watch. Michael: Ok, I'm gonna roll. Trust me, Max, you're gonna love this game. It's fast, it's loud, it's everything living in Roswell isn't. Here we go. (He throws the dice and he gets a 6) Strickman: 6, point 6. Michael: Okay, now if I roll a 6 we win, if I roll a 7 we go bust. 6 the hard way. (To the stickman) In for him too. (Michael rolls) Strickman: 6 hard way. Michael: Ohh! Pay the man. Maria: (Coming up behind them) Amazing news. I have an audition. Michael: Now, keep with me here folks I'm here to win and I don't see you. Maria: Hello? Don't you know what my dream has been since, like, the beginning of time? It's to start my singing career in a smoky Vegas, supper club. Michael rolls the dice and ignores Maria Strickman: 7 winner. Michael: Sweet. Maria: I'll be up on stage right? In front of a great band, and I'll belt out some torch songs, there'll be a spotlight, my makeup will be perfect. I'll have... Michael: Maria, we had an agreement. Beat it. Maria: Are you not listening to me? This could be my big break, right now. Don't you want to come, and like cheer me on, and like give me a... Strickman: 7 winner. Michael: Oh! The king, ladies and gentlemen. Maria: Michael! Michael: Maria. I'm in the middle of something important. Maria leaves, disgusted. [SCENE_BREAK] Isabel is playing the slot machines. She starts looking around her, and sees all of these couples hugging and kissing and starts feeling a little melancholic. Then she hears a woman behind her Woman: Oh! No. Isabel turns around and sees a woman in a stained wedding dress. Woman: Oh! No. Please hurry. Isabel: Are you okay? Woman: Lord help me. Wedding's in a half and hour. My maid of honor gets food poisoning from the breakfast buffet, and now some dumb Canadian slams into me with his merlot. (A waitress arrives with some water and salt, to remove the stain) Isabel: Let me try to help here. (To the waitress) Thank you. Woman: My mama told me not to elope. Isabel surreptitiously uses her power to remove the stain Isabel: Well, actually, I think we've got it out. Woman: Well honey! Aren't you just my good luck charm? What's your name? Isabel: Brandy. Woman: Brandy, that's pretty. I'm Tracy. Well it's so nice to meet you. Isabel: You too. Men: Tracy? Tracy: This is my hubby-to-be Glenn, and his best man, Dave. Dave and Isabel share a look Tracy: Brandy just saved my behind. Glenn: Hi. Isabel: (laughing) Oh! Hi it's nice to meet you. Dave: Hello. Isabel: Hi. Tracy: How's April. Dave: Hmm? Wishing she'd never tried the crab omelets. Tracy: Uhh! Perfect. Well what am I going to do now? Dave: Well, maybe Brandy is free for a couple of hours? Tracy: Brilliant Dave. Brandy, will you be my maid of honor? Isabel: Sure. [SCENE_BREAK] Fat Man: Ok, blondie. You're up. Alex is playing the piano and Maria starts singing Fat Man: Honey. You've got some set of pipes. Maria: Well, I... Fat Man: No, I was... I was truly moved. Maria: Thank you. Fat Man: No, no. Thank you. Now take off your clothes. Maria gets a "what the hell are you saying" expression on her face Alex: Hey! Who do you think you are? You treat her like a lady! Fat Man: I'll treat her like a stripping lady, 'cause that what she's auditioning for. Alex: Give me this flyer. (To Maria) New talent, big money... Oh! Oh! B.Y.O.G-String. Max and Michael are still playing at the same table Michael: Dr. Love says give it up for 10 the hard way. (He wins) Max: You're cheating. Michael: You want to say that a little louder? I don't think the stickman heard you. Max: This isn't right, using your power like this. Michael: Thanks for the sermon, dad. Max: It's not what we came here. Michael: No! We came here to have fun, which is exactly what I'm doing. Folks this is the fourth set of dice they give me. But when you have the hot hand, you have the hot hand. Michael rolls the dice, he wins of course and everyone cheers. Max looks at the casino manager Michael: I feel an 8 coming. Max: Michael, he knows. Michael: He doesn't know anything. What's he's going to say, that I'm using my mysterious alien powers? He rolls and wins Manager: This table is closed. Michael: What is this crap? Manager: You're done. My advice is to take your winnings and move on down the strip. Max: Yeah, we will. Michael: The hell we will. I'm here to gamble. There's a table right over here. Manager: Listen, punk. Michael: Punk? Michael hits him, they push Max, and Max tries to get Michael out of the fight. Scene closes with the security guys moving in [SCENE_BREAK] Liz and Tess are in the arcade Tess: You know what it is? It's because we're small. If we weren't so damn short, he would have totally bought that we were 21, so what I'm going to do, I'm going to mindwalk the security guard, making him think that we are 5' 10'' and then we just go in. Liz: Tess, I'm fine here in the arcade. Tess: Great. I'm stuck in the party capital of the world with Liz Parker. No, if we're feeling dangerous we could challenge a couple of 8 year boys to foosball or go for the ice capades. Liz: You know, for your information I didn't want to come to Vegas in the first place. I knew that this was going to be the most miserable trip of my life. I knew it, but I didn't listen to my instincts. And by the way Tess, I don't enjoy being stuck with you either. Tess: Fine. Liz: Good. [SCENE_BREAK] In the presidential suite, we see Tracy and Glenn leaving, and Maria and Alex arriving Tracy: Oh! I almost forgot. (She throws her bouquet at Isabel) Bye. Glenn: Thanks for everything, Brandy. Isabel: No problem. Maria: Do I have to ask? Isabel: Tracy and Glenn just got married and I was their maid of honor. Maria: Who's that? Isabel: That's Dave. Cake? Isabel is taking a picture with Dave when the phone rings Maria: Honeymoon suite, Margarita speaking. Michael: Maria, it's me. Maria: Me who? Michael: Yeah funny. Maria: Do you know were I was tonight? I was auditioning to be a stripper. Little innocent me. Michael: Did you get the job? Maria: You don't even care. This wouldn't have happened if you have been with me. Michael: Is there someone else I can talk to? Maria: We are talking. Michael: No, I can't, I'm in jail with Maxwell. What you need to do is shut your trap and get down here and bail us out. Maria: Wait a minute. If you're in jail that means that this is your only phone call. Michael: Exactly. Maria hangs up the phone [SCENE_BREAK] Kyle is still at the blackjack table and Alex is with him again Alex: Doesn't Buddhism disapprove of gambling? Kyle: Actually Buddha himself first coined the phrase "know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and know when to run" Alex: And yours is obviously a deep and abiding spiritual faith. Maria arrives Maria: All right, boys, cash out. Kyle: You're just gonna have to back off. Alex: Yeah, grasshopper's on a roll baby. Maria: I gotta bail Max and -- if there's enough money -- Michael, out of jail. Kyle: My winnings, my money, go away. Maria: (To the dealer) He's in gambling anonymous, I'm his sponsor. Could you please help me keep this poor lost soul from further traveling the path of destruction? Dealer: (To Kyle_ I'm sorry sir. Casino policy. Kyle: (To Maria) Thank you. Maria: Thank your higher power. Kyle tries to pick up his winnings but he can't because there are too many [SCENE_BREAK] Isabel is dancing with Dave in the room Dave: You must be a pretty high roller to afford a place like this? Isabel: It's a friend's. Dave: Oh. Is your friend a Kennedy or something? Isabel: More like a prince. Dave: Oh! I'll tell you, this has been great. Free trip, free tux, slow-dancing with a beautiful girl in a penthouse suite. Isabel: You're easy to please. Dave: You're not. Isabel: You're way ahead of the game, Dave. Do you really want to risk it all with anymore of your insightful questions? Dave: (Laughs) Well, first I have to get my sisters to work on some new material. Isabel: I think you're doing pretty good on your own. They kiss Dave: May I suggest a change of venue? Isabel: What did you have in mind? Dave: I have a hotel room up the strip. Isabel: This is a hotel room. Dave: I was thinking of something a little more private. Isabel: Well, I have to think about it. They kiss again Isabel: Ok. I thought about it. Let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] Max and Michael in jail Max: Are we having fun yet? Michael: No, thanks to you. Max: Hey! This isn't my fault. If you hadn't been showing off-- Michael: Here we go, another lecture. Michael turns around and starts yelling Michael: Hey, everybody gather 'round your cell doors, because Max here is going to give another lecture. Man: Shut up! What's with you? Michael: What's with me? Not you, definitely not you. Max: What the hell is that supposed to mean? The only reason I came on this trip was for you. Michael: Oh yeah, out of the goodness of your big, fat, bleeding heart. You skipped out on sixth period, and you went to Vegas for poor screwed up Michael. Yeah, big hand Max (Starts clapping) Max: (Scoffs) Whatever. You're talking to yourself now, Michael, I'm done. Michael: And I'm talking to myself. Gee, Michael, why would you want to go to Vegas with Max in the first place? Sounds like a really stupid idea. Michael: No, no. See you don't get it. Max and I, we're guys, and sometimes guys just like to go out and tear it up for no good reason. Michael: But Michael, Max is no fun, he's a straight arrow, he's a responsible guy. Max: I'm here, aren't I. Michael: (To Max) This is a private conversation. Michael: As I was saying, Michael, it's like this: Max and I, we used to be tight. We grew up together, and it's no big deal that we can go out and have fun for a couple of days, we used to be friends. Max: Oh! Give me a break. (He stands up) This isn't about friendship. This is about your irresponsible, reckless behavior. Michael: (He stands up too) Hey! I've been going through some heavy stuff the last couple of weeks. In case you missed it, I got shot. Max: I know, I healed you. Michael: You put your hand over my shoulder and you did your little trick like a robot. You're a machine, Max. You wouldn't know the first thing about what it takes to heal me. To really heal me. [SCENE_BREAK] Max, Michael and Maria arrive back at the hotel room after she's bailed them out. Max picks up the phone and dials, Michael sits down and turns on the TV. Maria is trying to figure out what's going on Max: Yeah, when's the next flight to Roswell? Nothing sooner than that? (He hangs up the phone) Maria: Michael, make him stay. (Maria walks toward Max) No, no, wait, please, please, don't go. I'm, I'm blowing the rest of Michael's cash on a beautiful expensive dinner. I've even taken care of what everyone's wearing. Michael: He's not invited anymore. Maria looks at Michael and Max looks at her Max: Thanks, but I'm just gonna go home. (He leaves) Michael: Finally my vacation can begin. (He gets up from the couch) [SCENE_BREAK] Liz is still playing in the arcade. Max walks up behind her. Max: Not bad. Liz: Oh, well, yeah. Yeah after playing 6 hours and a 1000 quarters, you sort of get a rhythm going. Max: Yeah, I heard you were down here. I just want to let you know I'm leaving. Liz: Oh! Is everything okay? Max: Yeah, yeah. It's just... Vegas. Kinda make your skin crawl. Liz: Yeah. (She looks at the "Elvis Chapel" poster) I mean, who would ever want to get married in an Elvis Chapel, right? Max: (Looks at the poster also) Not me. Not in this lifetime. Liz: (distracted) Yeah... Max: Well, I've got a plan to catch, so... Liz: Yeah, right. Max: See you in Roswell, Liz. Liz: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Max is waiting for a cab outside. When the cab arrives, a bride and groom get out. Max turns around to look at them, and he has a vision of Liz and him just married and looking happy. Max slowly gets in the cab. [SCENE_BREAK] In the next scene we hear a band playing, people dancing, and then we see everyone, except Max and Isabel, all dressed up and seated at a table. Maria: Now this is the Vegas that I love. Alex strands up and takes a picture of everyone Alex: All right. Smile, beautiful people. Yeah, there we go. Maria: (To Michael) You cleaned up nice, spaceboy. I'm sorry that he didn't make it. Michael: Well I am not. I'm thinking a cheeseburger will go down nice right now. Maria: You had lobster. Michael: Yeah, but I'm still hungry. I'm gonna go hit the fast food joint across the street. Green, please. Maria takes some money out of her dress Michael: Thanks. (He walks off) Maria: Cheeseburger? Why do I even try? Liz: Well, at least he wore a tie. Maria: Liz, I'm worried. I plan to be a worldly woman, and how can I be, when Michael is trapped in a world of armpit farts and PlayStation? He's just so... We hear drums rolling, they all turn around and we see Michael on the stage Michael: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight you're in for a rare treat--a dream coming true. You're gonna love listening to this performer, and even though she'll never believe it, I love listening to her too. Maria is in shock, then she smiles Michael: Please welcome to the stage... Miss Margarita Salt. Maria starts singing as Michael watches from behind the curtains Tess: (To Kyle) We're dancing. (She pulls him onto the dance floor.) Alex is taking pictures when he sees Isabel next to him Alex: I uh. I thought you had other plans. Isabel: I thought I did too. I don't get it. He was exactly what I was looking for from this town. A good-looking smartass, that I could just chew up and spit back out, you know? Alex: But? Isabel: But, he went to get ice and I went to get a cab. And so here I am, alone again. God, I must be the biggest freak on the planet. Alex: Well, I'm sorry but that's just not true. When you're ready for it, you'll find someone, and you'll make him the happiest man ever. Isabel looks at him Isabel: Would you like to dance? Alex: Love to. Liz is sitting by herself at the table, looking at her friends. There's a tap on her shoulder and she looks up to see Max holding out his hand out to her. Michael sees him and smiles. Liz takes his hand and they begin to dance. Liz: I thought you'd be at the airport right now. Max: I was on my way, but I had this weird moment. Liz: What do you mean? Max: Well, I saw this vision. You and me, jumping out of the cab like we'd just been married in Vegas. Liz: That's weird. Max: Yeah, it was like this memory flash of something that really happened, but then... Liz: Max. Oh Max. (It looks like she might be going to tell him about Future Max, but then the moment is lost.) Maria stops singing, everyone is clapping, Maria turns to Michael and motions for him to come over to her Maria: Thank you. Michael: You're welcome. They kiss [SCENE_BREAK] Everyone arrives at the suite, Max and Liz holding hands and everyone is laughing. Then they see sheriff Valenti sitting on the couch and he holds up the "Guerin party" sign. Everyone freezes. Valenti: At 3:30 yesterday afternoon, Vice-principal McClure contacted me. Apparently, my son didn't show up for detention. Newsflash to me, so I called some of Kyle's friends. Nobody knew where he was. So I made a few other inquiries, and without alarming any of your parents I deduced that you were all missing. By 4:30 I was in a panic. Thought maybe it was a mass kidnapping or an invasion. I knew you guys had to be in some kind of trouble, because there was no way that you would just take off without telling me. Max: We just took a little vacation. Michael: It's like spring break. Valenti: So you skipped school. Missing class is excusable if it involves saving a planet-- yours, mine, or any other. It is not acceptable if it is done in the name of under-age gambling. Is that clear? Each one of your parents is going to hear from me later today. I expect you back in Roswell this afternoon. Kyle, get in the car. Kyle: I was up $1600. Valenti: Now! Valenti and Kyle leave. Michael: I'm glad I'm adopted. Tess: Yeah, me too. Valenti: Tess! Don't make me come back in there. Tess leaves Max: (To Michael) You, uh, tired? Max and Michael go out to buy a cup of coffee Michael: That's the last of it. (He tips the lady) Max: You, uh, you were right. I do act like a machine sometimes. Michael: Forget it, I probably said too much. Max: No, it's all right. It's uh, it's something I needed to hear. You needed a friend, and you got a chaperone. I'm sorry. I guess I just feel so responsible for you, and Isabel, and even Tess. Sometimes I let that get in the way of letting you know how much... how much you mean to mean to mean. That without you, uh, uh... I'd be lost, Michael. Michael: Whoever sent us down here was smart, you know? Because they sent us together, and as long as we stick together, we're gonna make it. They start walking down the sidewalk together Max: We still got a couple of hours before the flight home. No money. So what do you want to do? Michael: Oh, I don't know. I got a couple of dozen DVD's back in the hotel room. Max: Yeah? Michael: Braveheart? Max: How many times can you watch that thing?

Plan: A: the gang; Q: Who makes a spur-of-the-moment trip to Las Vegas? A: DuPree; Q: What is the last name of the family that the gang is staying with? A: Max; Q: Who has a face off with Michael over leadership? A: Maria; Q: Who recruits Alex to help her audition for a role? A: a stripper; Q: What role does Maria audition for? A: Isabel; Q: Who meets a man? Summary: When the gang makes a spur-of-the-moment trip to Las Vegas, in order to spend the DuPree money, the event-filled excursion ends in a face off between Max and Michael over leadership; Tess and Liz can't pass for being over-21-year-olds; Maria recruits Alex to help her audition for a role that ends up to be for a stripper; Isabel meets a man.

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] The spell the Travelers cast across Mystic Falls eliminates spirit magic. Aah! Uhh! Uhh! The other side is collapsing and everyone in it is going away. What about you? What happens? Jeremy, I'll be fine. When the Travelers die, Liv will do the spell, and her magic will allow the people on the other side to push their way through. Damon... I know. [Screaming] My God. Alaric, what are you... Come on. You gotta go. What about Damon? You need to go home to your brother. I'll find Damon. I can't find Damon. I'm not leaving without him. I won't let you die for them. Phasmatos fumas extas. We need to start the spell again. We can't. That was our one shot. But Damon's on the other side. Elena. You can say good-bye. Damon finally had everything he wanted. He was happy. He should be here. It was all a lie. You told me you could come back. I love you. Bonnie, don't you dare... Elena: Please don't leave me. I love you, Elena. Bye. Bonnie! Bonnie! Do you think it'll hurt? I don't know. [SCENE_BREAK] [ OUTSIDE OF MYSTIC FALLS ] (On the outskirts of town, a young couple is laying inside of a tent, making out, while the latern outside flickers on and off. Suddenly, they are startled by a loud noise in the woods) Jessie (whispering): What the hell was that? Male Camper: I have no idea. Jessie: Go outside and check it out. Male Camper: You go outside and check it out! Jessie (rolling her eyes): Okay... (She unzips the tent, slowly peeks her head out and eventually approaches the latern, which has gone off completely. After tapping it a few times, it finally comes back on) Jessie (slowly turning around): Hey... I got the lantern... (Before she can finish her sentence, she sees a dark figure emerge in front of her, causing her to scream loudly. Finally, Sheriff Forbes flicks on her flashlight) Jessie (relieved): Oh my God! Sheriff Forbes... I thought you were a serial killer. Sheriff Forbes: Worse actually, because you'll still be alive when I call your parents. (Liz holds up an empty beer can) Sheriff Forbes: Pack it up and strike it down. Male Camper: I'm like, for real, Sheriff Forbes... You've got nothing better to do than bust us for a couple of beer cans? Tax money at work. (The young couple have reached their car, still carrying the lanter with them) Jessie: Could have been worse... Melanie Peterson was arrested for underage drinking last week. I swear, this place is turning into that town from Footloose. Male Camper: Yeah, well let's just get out of here. (The youg male camper slings the gear into his trunk. After he closes the lid, he looks around for his girlfriend, who is nowhere in sight) Male Camper: Jessie? (She doesn't respond. The only sound he hears is crickets) Male Camper: Yo! Jessie! (Suddenly, she falls hard from the sky and lands on the hood of the car... then rolling off onto the ground) Male Camper (rushing over to her and holding her in his arms): Jessie! No No No. It's going to be okay. I'll get help! (Jessie is covered in blood, dripping from her neck and coming out of her mouth. She mumbles unintelligibly, finally saying "look up." When he looks, another dark figure pounces on him and he screams) [ Credits ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ IN THE CEMETARY OUTSIDE OF MYSIC FALLS ] (The following day, Elena walks through a cemetary on the outskirts of town all on her own) Elena (V.O.): Today was a good day. Summer is officially over and I couldn't be more thrilled. (Elena looks around quickly and enters a crypt) Elena (V.O.): Sophmore year... I guess this is the year to pick a major and start carving out your path in life. So that's what I did (lighting several candles). You're looking at the future Doctor Elena Gilbert. [SCENE_BREAK] [ AT WHITMORE ] (Elena, along with a dozen other students, are dressed in khakis and maroon tshirts for an internship at a hospital) Jo: Pop quiz... Mr. Weatherly complains of chest pain and shortness of breath. Can anyone tell me what tests we run? (A young male student lifts his hand up, but the instructor overlooks him) Jo: Gilbert... (Elena looks frazzled at first, but she quickly regains her composure) Elena: Uh... a pulmonary angiogram provides a clear picture of the blood flow in the arteries of the lungs, which is what we look for in a pulmonary embolism; a condition in which Mr. Weatherly's symptoms are common. Jo: Good. Somebody's read ahead. Remember that. You'll need that in 3 years. (Elena looks pleased with herself, but that expression dissipates swiftly) Jo: Here's the bedpan you need to know about today... (The instructor hands Elena the bed pan without hesitation) Jo: Moving on... (As Jo leads the students along, the male student turns to Elena) Student: I was impressed... Elena: Thanks... [SCENE_BREAK] [ BACK IN THE CRYPT ] Elena (V.O.): Ok... so maybe I spent the day observing, but at least now we have unlimited access to blood bags. And trust me, we need all the help we can get. (Elena pulls out a small pouch containing spices and herbs from her pocket. She dumps them into a small bowl and starts crushing them up) Elena: Some of us are still getting the hang of the whole "drinking other people's blood" thing [SCENE_BREAK] [ AT WHITMORE ] (Alaric empties the contents of a blood bag into a cup at the front of the classroom. Elena enters the otherwise empty room) Alaric: Want some? Elena: That's alright. I had some on the way over. You know... this will never not be weird. Alaric: What? That some ancient witch turned me into a vampire, or that four months ago, I rose from the dead? Elena: ... that you're my college professor now. (Alaric takes a drink of blood and the veins pop out under his eyes) [SCENE_BREAK] [ IN MYSTIC FALLS ] Elena (V.O.): In Alaric's defense, he couldn't exactly compell himself a job back at the high school. Nope... the high school; the grill; the town square... thanks to the traveler's anti magic spell, everything in Mystic Falls was still off-limits to anyone with fangs. A lot of us haven't been back home in months. On the plus side, the crime rate is way down. (In the town square, Matt is fighting) Elena (V.O.): Although I'm not sure Matt got the memo. (He sucessfully takes down his opponent) Tripp: Good move, Donovan... Proving once again that self defense is the best offense. Elena (V.O.): I will say he's never been better. I think he can benchpress more than Jeremy now, which is beyond freaky. (Matt enters the Lockwood mansion and finds Jeremy on he couch makig out with a young girl) Elena (V.O.): Speaking of Jeremy... actually, let's not talk about my brother. Let's talk about Stefan. (Stefan is working at a car in a garage in Savannah, Georgia) Elena (V.O.): Last I heard, he was chasing some lead to some witch that can contact the dead. Stefan's Boss: Hey! Get your ass in here, kid. It's pay day. (He gets out from under the car and joins his boss in his office) Elena (V.O.): We haven't spoken in months, which can only mean his search for answers to what happened has been all-consuming. [SCENE_BREAK] [ IN THE CRYPT ] (Elena lights a match) Elena (V.O.): He's grieving... He lost so much... We all did, but we're all getting through it in our own way. (Elena tosses the match into the bowl with the spices) [SCENE_BREAK] [ ON THE BORDER OF MYSTIC FALLS ] Caroline (over the phone): I dropped out of Whitmore. Why would I support their stupid football team? (Caroline walks past the sign into Mystic Falls, where her mom's patrol car is parked) Elena: It's the opening game of the season, Caroline. Time to come home. Caroline: I am home! I just signed the lease to my new apartment. Elena: ... On the border of a town that doesn't want you. That's not home... That's sad. Caroline: You don't even like football. Elena: No, but I like drinking in the parking lot beforehand. (Tyler comes up behind Elena and starts talking into the phone) Tyler: Caroline, you're coming. Elena: Tyler, don't act like you have any ground to stand on. You skipped an entire year... Tyler: and you hounded me for an entire year! So here I am... Now get your ass back here. (Luke is standing behind Tyler and he catches Elena's eye, pulling out the small pouch in his bag. Elena nonchalantly waves him off) Elena: Caroline, I'm picking you up at 6 p. m. sharp tomorrow. Okay? Bring your school spirit. Bye! (Elena hangs up the phone and Caroline and her mom have a picnic lunch) Caroline (sighs heavily): Anyway... (to her mom) as I was saying, I haven't exactly found a spell that can undo an anti-magic border per se, but this book mentions travelers. Which isn't all that helpful, but at least it puts us a step in the right direction... Liz: Sweetheart... Caroline: Yeah? Liz: You should go with them tomorrow. Caroline: No, we're going to go see a movie! Liz: We have spent the entire summer together. Caroline: Ahhh. You're sick of me... Liz: Caroline, you just lost one of your best friends. It makes sense that you want to hold on to what's familiar, but Elena lost her too. She clearly misses you. Liz: No... Elena has clearly taken up residency on planet denial; where football is more important than her boyfriend being swept away into oblivion. Do you know she has barely cried for him? I mean, she was a full-on wreck over Bonnie for months, but when you mention Damon, it's like nothing ever happened. Liz: Caroline, Elena has experienced more grief than anyone I've ever met. You should cut her some slack. (Liz's phone starts buzzing, interrupting their conversation). Caroline: What? Did someone trample over Ms. Davis' flowerbed again? Liz: Two kids were admitted to the hospital with suspicious wounds on their necks... Caroline: Vampire attacks? How? Vampires can't get into Mystic Falls. Liz: No, but they can lurk around the borders. I gotta cut lunch short... That's it. I gotta take care of this. (Liz gets up to leave, forgetting to pack up her basket) Liz: Listen, consider Elena's offer, okay? Mystic Falls isn't going anywhere. (Caroline suddenly realizes she left the basket) Caroline: Hey. Don't forget your basket. (Caroline reaches over the anti-magic line to hand the basket to her and her skin starts to burn, causing her to drop the basket on the ground) [SCENE_BREAK] [ IN THE CRYPT ] Elena (V.O.): She does't want to let go. I don't blame her... I don't want to let go either. I don't want to think that everything has changed and that I have to start over... the worst thing that could possibly happen actually did. (Finally finished with the herbs, she picks up the cup and drinks from it) Elena: But I don't have to. Anyway... that was my day. How was yours? (Elena is hallucinating Damon sitting beside her) Damon: Can we go back to the part where Rick came back to live to be a college professor? (They both laugh and Damon puts his arm around Elena) [SCENE_BREAK] [ AT WHITMORE ] (Rick is teaching a class at Whitmore, which Elena happens to be in) Alaric (writing on the blackboard in front of class): Occult: the word in its literal translation means hidden. (Instead of following along with the lecture, Elena has a notebook laid up in front of her face while she drinks from a cup) Alaric: Therefore, the study of the occult... (Alaric becomes flustered) Alaric: Uh... Therefore, the study of the occult is the study of the hidden knowledge. Today, we're going to discuss it and how it relates to ressurection. (From the front row, Liv snickers) Alaric: Is there something funny, Liv? Liv: Uhh. More like ironic, but okay... (Suddenly a late and sweaty Tyler runs into the room) Alaric: Ah. Mr. Lockwood... How generous of the squad to lend you to us. Tyler: Sorry I'm late. (Tyler sits next to Liv) Alaric: Typically not all occult groups held a consensus on the topic. Tyler: (He looks at Liv's text but she covers it immediately) Sorry princess. Just trying to check what page we're on. Liv: Shh, I'm trying to listen. Alaric: (Continues his lecture) ...Apostles, Athanasian Creeds Tertullian... (Liv uses magic to turn a page in Tyler's text) Alaric: ...and the western church were inclined to believe in resurrection of the flesh, whereas the Gnostics held the firm belief that resurrection existed inly in a spiritual sense. (He turns back to his students and whispers so only Elena can hear him thanks to her vampire hearing) Elena, you know I can smell that, right? (Elena startles and stops drinking blood from a bottle) I'm teaching a class full of kids who all look like blood sausages to me. Now, put that away. Elena: (whispering) Sorry. Alaric: Uh, whereas others like the early church Fathers... [SCENE_BREAK] [ SCHOOL CORRIDOR ] (Elena notices Luke) Elena: Luke, hey. Luke: Hey, I gotta run, actually. Elena: Oh, no, I'll be quick. Really quick. I just... I've been really thirsty lately. Do you think it's because of the... you know. Luke: Are you asking me if there are side effects to the ancient psychotropic herbs I've been giving you, because there haven't exactly been clinical trials. Elena: (laughs) Oh, obviously. I don't... I was just wondering if maybe you could, like, I don't know... Add something to the next batch? Luke: Yeah or maybe there shouldn't be a next batch. Elena: Luke, it was your idea that I see him again, remember? You were all, Hey Elena, I'm sorry that I wronged you. I'm sorry that I'm the reason your boyfriend is dead, remember? Luke: I am. I'm sorry. Something I made clear when I made Alaric's daytime bracelet, because you asked. Elena: Yeah, I know. Luke: And when I went against my coven rules to get these herbs - because you asked. Elena: Right... Luke: (cuts off) But it's time to return to reality. Elena: Luke, I'm fine. I'm okay, I promise. Just come by my place by 5, okay? Luke: Elena... (he's about to say something but Elena doesn't let him) Elena: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] [ DEAN'S GARAGE ] Stefan: (he speaks as he gets into his boss's garage) Hey, Dean. I think a zero might've fallen off my paycheck. Dean: (doesn't look at Stefan while fixing a car) Oh yeah, I had to dock you 200 bucks. Stefan: For what? Dean: Dan Zimmer said you put a ding on the hood of his Shelby. Stefan: Dan's wife put a ding on the hood of his Shelby. Dean: That's funny. Sounds like you're calling my best customer a liar. Stefan: You're ripping me off, Dean. Dean: What you gonna do about it, kid? Huh? You gonna quit? Run off to wherever the hell you came from? (Stefan shrugs, gives up and pockets his paycheck) Dean: That's what I thought. (Stefan's phone rings so he pulls out and answers it) Stefan: Hello? Alaric: Hey, just checking in... (cut to Alaric sitting in a diner) ...to see if your contact panned out yet. Stefan: (sees a young woman standing outside the garage) Still working on it. Alaric: Good. Keep me posted. Let me know how it goes. (Stefan hangs out and stares at the girl) [SCENE_BREAK] [ A DINER ] (Caroline walks in and comes over to Alaric's table. She puts three books on the table and sits opposite Mr. Saltzman) Alaric: (surprised) You already read all that? Caroline: Cover to cover, with no mention on how to undo an anti-magic force-field. And if I'm going to single-handedly take back our town, I'm gonna need a little bit more to go on. Alaric: Got it. All right, well. (he draws a book) I brought "Ancient Witchcraft, volume two". Caroline: I read it. Alaric: How about "The Art of Hexing" and "Elements of Magic"? (Caroline takes one of the books from Alaric) Caroline: Fine. Thank you. So... how's Stefan? Alaric: He's ok. (Caroline smiles awkwardly) Caroline: How often do you talk to him? Alaric: I don't know. Couple times a week. Caroline: Oh, huh. Alaric: I'm gonna go out on a limb here, Caroline. Is something bothering you? Caroline: He didn't say goodbye. Damon and Bonnie died and he just left. No phone calls, no e-mails. Just disappeared into thin air. And I haven't heard from him in months. I actually convinced myself he was in some remote mountain region and couldn't accept my calls. Alaric: Or maybe he just doesn't want to bother you with every half-lead that goes nowhere. Caroline: Or maybe I just need to get over it. Thanks for the books. (Caroline goes out as Alaric smiles sadly) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LOCKWOOD MANSION/ELENA'S DORM ] Elena: (on phone) Why isn't Jeremy answering his phone? Matt: (goes downstairs) I don't know. He's probably doing homework or something. (Jeremy's sitting on the couch, playing video games and drinking alcohol) Elena: Doing homework? Put me on speaker, please. (Matt puts her on speaker and lies his phone on the table next to Jeremy's foot) Jeremy, I know you can hear me. Get your butt off that couch and do something productive. Jeremy: Or what? You're gonna come here and make me? Elena: Or I'll have the sheriff arrest you and drag you to the town border, where I will kick your ass myself. Matt, a little help, please. Matt: Yeah, I'll deal with him. Elena: Thank you. (she hangs up) Matt: (sighs) So, this is it, huh? Video games. Random girls. Drunk by noon every day. Look, it sucks that Bonnie's dead, Jer. I get it, but you need to start living your life again. Jeremy: How? By joining the community protection squad? What exactly are you protecting us from? Bike theft? Litter? Magic doesn't work here. The town's safe. Matt: (visibly annoyed) For now. But Caroline's working on a way to reverse all that. So, it's only a matter of time before we're dealing with all the problems that come along with vampires again. You're a hunter. You have skills. Use them. Jeremy: No more magic means I'm not a hunter anymore. (opens can) Matt: Yeah, you're right, Jer. You're not much of anything anymore. [SCENE_BREAK] [ LUKE'S DORM ] Luke: Hey. Elena: Hey. You're home. I thought you were coming over at 5. Luke: I know you did. (looks down) Look, Elena, I can't help you anymore. Elena: Is it because I told you that I was thirsty? It's fine. I can get more at the blood bank at the clinic. I work there. It's easy. Luke: Elena, you're going through this stuff like crazy. Elena: Yeah. Luke: I'm not a drug pusher. Elena: No, you're my friend. (goes inside the dorm room and starts searching for herbs in Luke's drawers) My frind in spite of the fact that my boyfriend got stuck on the Other Side... Luke: Elena, don't. Elena: Because you decided to stop the spell that could bring him back. My friend that owes me. Luke: No. A friend who cares about you and thinks you're living in denial. Elena: I know you have more. Luke: (angrily) Elena, stop. Elena: (catches Luke's clothes, shakes him and pushes into a wall) Where is it? Luke: Look at you. Elena: Where is it? I need to see Damon, Luke, and I'm not asking. [SCENE_BREAK] [ ON THE ROAD ] Elena: I kind of want to set up Ric (music playing) with Jo from the hospital. I mean, we both know he has a soft spot for the sexy doctors type. (Damon shakes his head) How long do you think it takes after somebody comes back to life before they can start dating again? Damon: Well, the fact that you can say that with a straight face is one more reason that I love you. (smiles) Elena: So, like, 3 months? Damon: Can I ask why there is not a Bennett witch in the back? I mean, can't Luke whip up a batch of herbs in Bonnie flavor? Elena: You know, if I had to drive around with everyone that I've lost, I'd need a school bus. (smiles) Damon: Or you just know that Bonnie would agree with Luke. The last thing you need to do is conjure up someone who's gonna tell you the truth. Elena: Can we not talk about it? Damon: About what? The fact that I'm dead? Because I am. Elena: Technically, you were dead when we met. Damon: Good point. Now I'm just gone. Elena: Damon, please, don't say that. Damon: And this conversation is pretty much the smart, level-headed you talking to the irrational possible drug addict you. (scoffs) Which is clear evidence of your insanity. Elena: Yeah. Ok. (turns up music) [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE COLLEGE ] (People have fun before the match. Tyler suddenly bumps into someone in the crowd) Tyler: Oh. Watch it, dick! (he sees it's Alaric and startles) Whoa, sorry. Still working out the kinks of being human. My tolerance blows. (he drinks beer) Alaric: Yeah, Tyler, not to play chaperone here, but are you sure somebody with your anger issues should be drinking at all this close to a full moon? Tyler: My issues are under control. Coach lets me practice with the football team. I get to kick ass in a controlled environment. Alaric: Till you get plastered and do something stupid and trigger your werewolf curse all over again. Tyler: Alaric, chill. It's under control. Alaric: Good. (takes the beer from Tyler) But just in case. Tyler: Really? Alaric: You know, I haven't been buzzed since I came back to life. And saying that aloud while sober really freaks me out. Ahem. (chuckles and sees that Tyler is staring at Liv) As the only sober person here, trust me when I tell you this, Tyler... The girl is not so into you. Thanks for the beer. (he leaves) [SCENE_BREAK] [ STEFAN'S PLACE ] (Ivy joins Stefan in bed) Ivy: Your fridge makes me want to kill myself. We're gonna have to split this. Stefan: Knock yourself out. Ivy: So. You want to grab dinner? There's that crab shack on the harbor you want to check out. Stefan: Uh, yeah, I would, but, um, I told Dean I'd stop by the garage later. Ivy: Yeah, never heard that one before. Stefan: Hey, look, no offense, Ivy, but, uh, you're the one who showed up to me today. Ivy: Hey, I'm not asking for your hand in marriage. Stefan, come on. We've been hanging out for two months now. I don't know anything about you or your family. Your friends you never talk about call you and you get all weird. Stefan: I get weird? Ivy: Yeah. You get weird. So, we'll play a game. You tell me one thing about you and I'll tell you one thing about me. Stefan: Well, I already know everything about you. You're from Colorado. You love dogs. Your dad's a bit of a pain in the ass, but you graciously let him pay your rent. Ivy: [laughs] Okay. Fine. Your turn. Now tell me something I don't know about you. Stefan: I'm a vampire. Ivy: You're so annoying. Stefan: Hey. And I like you. (Stefan kisses Ivy) [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE COLLEGE - PARTY ] (Alaric fills his flask with blood; Jo spots him and turns to talk to him) Jo: Thank god. Someone over 20. The rest of the chaperones are huddled around the burger bar. Alaric: And you're a vegetarian. Jo: I don't eat red meat. I look at blood all day. (beat) Because I work at the medical center. Not because I'm a serial killer or anything. I'm Jo. Alaric: Alaric. I teach Occult Studies here. Jo: I didn't know that was an actual thing. Alaric: Yeah. Jo: Not that it's not a thing. (points to his flask) May I? Alaric: Uh, you know, actually, I'm a germaphobe. Jo: A germaphobe. So, you're like the vegetarian of cool people. Alaric: Ha ha! Yeah. Exactly. Um... Will you excuse me a second? I actually have to make a- A quick phone call. (Alaric leaves a voice message) Alaric: Ok, so, when I lost my human nature, I also lost my game. Where are you? ON A ROAD OUTSIDE MYSTIC FALLS (Elena reaches into the back seat) Damon: What are you looking for? Elena: I thought I had- guess not. What's this? (Seeing a woman standing outside her car on the side of the road, Elena stops next to it) Elena: Hey. Are you okay? Sarah: Depends. Am I still in the western hemisphere? Elena: Hang on. I can help. Sarah: I'm sorry. I'm from New York and we're big on cell phone reception. Elena: Where you heading? Sarah: Mystic Falls. My GPS died and then I started second-guessing myself-aah! Aah! (Elena feeds on Sarah) Damon: Easy. This is when you wipe her slate and let her go. Elena: I'm still hungry. Damon: You're gonna kill her, just like you nearly killed the last one and the one before that and the one before that. Elena: I got it, Damon. I'm gonna let her go. I'm just- I just need a little more. (Caroline shows up) Caroline: Oh, my god! What are you-- Elena: Caroline. It's not-- (Sarah starts running away) Elena: No! (Elena reaches the border of Mystic Falls and her arm burns in the sunlight; Sarah gets away) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MYSTIC FALLS ] (Sarah is staggering and grasping her neck) Sarah: Help! Help me, please. [SCENE_BREAK] [ ON THE ROAD ] Caroline: What did you do? Why the hell are you feeding on people? Elena: It's fine. I've compelled everyone else. Caroline: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hang on. So you're the border-lurker? Elena: The what? Caroline: Yeah, did you know my mom's been out looking for a vampire prowler? Elena: The herbs... Luke's been giving me. They make me so thirsty. (turns away from Caroline) I am not thinking straight. Caroline: Whoa, what herbs? Elena: They make me see Damon. (turns to Caroline) I can talk to him, and, and I can be with him, and - Caroline: God, is this what you've been doing this whole time? Hallucinating your dead boyfriend? Elena: I tried to grieve him, Caroline. Trust me, I know grief. I've got grieving down to a science at this point, and I tried. But every time I let it sink in that I'm never gonna see him again, I feel like I'm gonna die. Caroline: Oh God, I get it okay? I do. But, there are better ways to get through this. Elena: Like what? Like dropping out of school and having picnics with my mom, near the town border? Or maybe I could pull a Stefan and bounce from country to country, chasing some false hope that we're gonna find a way to bring Damon and Bonnie back. We're all getting through it. This is me, getting through it, okay? Caroline: Yeah but you're not getting through it, Elena. You're just pressing pause. (sighs) Look, I'll call my mom and she can fix all this. But you need to get out of here, go hide, okay? So just... go. (Elena gets into her car) Elena: What am I doing? (Ghost-Damon puts his hand over hers) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MYSTIC FALLS ] (A group of people, Matt included, are jogging) Sarah: Help me. (Collapses; Matt jogs over) Please, help me. Matt: Are you okay? It's OK. Sarah: You have to help me. There was this girl I saw and she - Matt: You're OK, calm down. Sarah: I swear to God she had these teeth and she bit me. You have to help me. (Tripp jogs over) Tripp: What the hell's going on here? Sarah: You know, I saw this girl. You need to find her. Tripp: What happened? Sarah: There was this girl and I was... I was lost... Matt: She had a dog. It bit her. She was lost. She stopped to ask this girl for directions. She had a dog and it bit her. Tripp: Is that what happened? Look at me. (Sheriff's car drives over and Liz Forbes approaches Matt, Tripp and Sarah) Sheriff Forbes: Matt. What's going on here? Tripp: This girl was attacked. I'm not sure we're getting the full story. Sheriff Forbes: Matt, get her to the hospital now. Sarah: (weakly) No... You're not listening. Sheriff Forbes: Hey-hey-hey-hey. Tripp: What are you doing? You need to talk to her. Sheriff Forbes: We'll get a statement as soon as she's been treated. Tripp: You didn't even ask her what happened. Sheriff Forbes: All due respect, Tripp, you run a volunteer community program. I'm the sheriff. Let me do my job. (to Matt) Go! (Stefan comes into his house carrying food bought in a shop. He hears his phone ringing but doesn't react. He nears the table, opens one of the bottles and drinks beer. Then he sees Elena has called him twice so he answers the phone) Stefan: Hello? Elena: Stefan, is that you? I know it's been a really long time since we talked, but... Stefan: Elena, hey. What's going on? Elena: I need you to tell me that you found something. A witch. A guy who knows a witch who knows something. Anything. I need you to give me hope and tell me that you're gonna find Damon and bring him back. Stefan: Not yet. Elena: But how do you do it? How do you wake up in the morning? (she starts crying) How do you go about your day without falling apart? Tell me what you're doing to get through this, because I'm clearly doing it wrong. Stefan: There's no right or wrong way, Elena. Elena: No, there's only forever. That's why I need you to give me hope. Because I don't think I can live forever without him. Stefan: I can't. I gave up. Elena: (surprised) You just said that you were looking for him. Stefan: I did. And then I realized it was pointless and that I needed to move on with my life, so... I stopped. Elena: (angrily) What do you mean you stopped? Stefan: I mean I said good-bye, Elena. I moved on. Damon is gone. It's time for you to say good-bye, too. (Elena hangs up and cries openly sitting in her car) (Crowd chanting "Let's go Whitmore". Tyler is walking trough the crowd and is on the phone with someone.) Tyler: Where are you? The game's gonna start in, like, 15 minutes. Caroline: Do you know Elena has some witchy drug problem? Yeah, Luke Parker has been feeding her some concoction that allows her to hallucinate Damon. Tyler: Whoa. Slow down, what? Caroline: It gets her all bloodlusty and confused. She nearly killed a girl today. Tyler: This makes no sense. Caroline: Yeah, well, neither did the fact that she got over Damon so quickly when he died. Now it's crystal clear. She hasn't. She's living in a fantasy land. Tyler: (worried) Is she ok? Caroline: She's a mess. And as long as Luke keeps playing witch doctor, she's not going to get any better. Tyler: Let me deal with him. (Tyler hangs up and is looks angry.) (Matt is in a car with someone driving to the Mistic Falls board.) Matt: We're just meeting up with my friend here. Everything will be fine. (Matt is pulling the car over and Sarah runs out of the car.) Matt: (He's trying to catch Sarah) Sarah, stop, please. Get back in the car. Stop, Sarah! (He catches her) Hey, I'm not gonna hurt you. Sarah: (angrily) You kidnapped me. Matt: Look, I know you're scared, and I'm sorry that this happened to you, but all I can do is promise that it won't happen again. Sarah: Why the hell should I trust you? Matt: Because I've been attacked like that more times than I can count. I've had my throat ripped open. I've had my neck snapped, my hand smashed. I've drowned. I've died and come back to life. And I've lost what little family I had, and I refuse to lose anyone else. I want to protect people like you. Like us. Sarah: That's... quite a story, but... Thing is, I don't trust anyone. Ever. (Sarah turns back in order to run but Caroline appears in front of her) Caroline: That's probably wise. (Tyler walks through the crowd. Suddenly Luke sees him and approaches him.) Luke: Hey. Have you seen Elena? Tyler: She's not coming. (he drinks a sip) Apparently, she's not in her right mind. Luke: What happened? Tyler: Is this what you've been up to all summer? Messing with Elena's brain? Does it help with the guilt or are you just desperate for friends? Luke: Where's Elena now? Tyler: Why? So you can trick her into thinking Damon's alive? Who does that? She almost killed someone. Luke: You're drunk. Don't touch me. (Luke grabs Tyler's beer but he's too slow. Tyler catches him and twists so he can hold his neck.) Tyler: Where's your magic now, Parker? What's wrong? You can't chant? You stay away from Elena, or you're gonna have a problem your magic wand can't fix. (Alaric sees the fight and comes over.) Alaric: Hey! Knock if off. Knock it off. (Boys are separated by Alaric) Alaric: You got it under control, huh? Huh? (Tyler leaves) Alaric: (to Luke) You want to tell me what that was about? Come on. Let's get out of here. (They leave) [SCENE_BREAK] [ IN THE CRYPT ] (Elena is drinking again the potion that helps her see Damon. And then Damon appears.) Elena: You can't be here. You're not even real. It's just my subconscious making me see what I want to see. Damon: One call from my brother and you're gonna throw all this away? Elena: You know I want to see you, Damon. But it makes me reckless. I hurt people. Damon: So, why am I here? Do you want to move on? Move on. Elena: I never got to say thank you. Damon: For what? Elena: For saving Stefan and... For bringing back Alaric and Tyler. Thank you. Damon: Elena... Elena: No, I'm not done yet. I... I want to thank you for giving me everything I always wanted. A love that consumed me. And passion. Adventure. There's nothing more I could ever want other than for it to last forever, but... It can't. This is the last time I'm gonna see you. This is good-bye, Damon. I love you. I have to let go. (She is crying and she kisses him. She opens her eyes and he is still there.) Damon: You're still holding on. Elena: I... no. I... I said good-bye, Damon. Damon: I don't blame you. You know what's waiting for you. How long before you go running back to Luke? Elena: No. I told you. That was the last time, Damon. I... I'm done. Damon: An eternity of torment, agony, and grief. And you feel it all. Elena: Stop it, Damon. Stop it, stop it. You're getting in my head. Don't do this. Please. Damon: You'll feel it forever. Elena: No! [She throws something and Damon disappears. She throws all the candles and breaks the window. And then she cry even harder and sits on the floor. Damon appears again and he puts his hand on her shoulder and she takes the hand.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ AT WHITMORE ] (Tyler is doing pull-ups when Liv shows up) Liv: Could you be more of a douche bag cliche? Tyler: I got a little out of control. I know. Liv: A little? It's not Luke's fault that your friend's emotionally blackmailing him to fulfill whatever mental head case crap she's going through. Tyler: Grief. It's called grief. Your brother got to live that day, remember? The rest of us lost people because of him. Liv: I'm aware of that, Tyler. I think about it every day. So does Luke. A lot of you got your lives back, too, because of me. So, at the very least, do me a favor and lay off my brother. Tyler: You're right. I'm sorry. Liv: Yeah. Our twin powers don't work like that. You actually have to tell Luke to his face. ( She turns around to leave but Tyler stops her.) Tyler: Well, I will. Listen. Liv, 4 months ago, I could do anything. I could make anyone do anything that I wanted. I was stronger than most people on this earth. And then it went away. And all that's left inside of me is rage. Liv: Why are you telling me this? Tyler: Because I want you to understand that I am trying to deal with it. Liv: OK, good. Good luck dealing with it. Tyler: Why do you do that? I'm trying to talk to you and you just give me that look and walk away? Liv: What would you like me to do, Tyler? (She leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ A DINER ] Stefan (voice recording): It's Stefan. Leave a message. Caroline: Hey. It's me. Just leaving another message about how today was not a good day. Everyone drifted apart. (The scene turns to Stefan staring at phone and drinking beer. ) Caroline: It's like everyone's pretending they can get through this alone. (The scene turns to Elena at her dorm room taking shirt from the drawer and sits on the bed smelling it.) Caroline: Elena's gone and I think she's so scared to accept what happened that she's become a completely different person. (The scene turns to Tyler doing push-ups.) Caroline: And if you ask me, Tyler's just hiding at Whitmore, pretending everything's fine as if he can outrun his werewolf gene or something. (The scene turns to Tyler's mansion and Matt is in the living room clearing the mess.) Caroline: And Matt and Jeremy never leave Mystic Falls anymore. There's an invisible wall standing between us and them and nobody's doing anything about it. Part of me wonders if they hope we never find a way back in. (The scene turns to Jeremy in the woods walking and drinking. He stands next shrine where is picture of Bonnie,Matt,Elena and Jeremy. Then we see Caroline again in cafe.) Caroline: And then there's me, just sitting in a diner on the border of town looking for a way to get our home back. We just lost two of our closest friends. We need each other. We need to be together, Stefan, or pretty soon we're just gonna end up pictures in a yearbook in a drawer somewhere, and so, that is why I am not going to stop calling you until you pick up the phone and I hear your voice and you tell me that you are going to help me fix it. Because I am not going to give up on us. (The scene turns to Stefan still siting at the desk and the message from Caroline comes. He takes the phone and crashes it with the finger.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ AT WHITMORE ] Elena: Do you like being a vampire? (Elena is in her dorm looking at the picture of her and Damon.) Alaric: Why don't you get some sleep? We'll talk about it tomorrow when that crap's out of your system. Elena: Because with all the funerals and the start of the year... We never really talked about how you're dealing with all this. Alaric: You mean with me coming back to life? Well, moving away from Mystic Falls helped. And since my ex-girlfriend is happily married to a pediatrician up in Alaska, I didn't have any awkward reunions to handle. Elena: I meant the blood lust. The heightened emotions and immortality. (He sits on the bed next her.) Alaric: Honestly, Elena... I hate everything about being a vampire. Elena: Me, too. At least I did. Then one day, I discovered the good part. You know... The promise that love could be eternal. And I had that with Damon. Which means for the rest of eternity, I'm gonna have a hole in my heart where he's supposed to be. Alaric: Trust me. It gets easier. Elena: I know how death works, Ric. Trust me. I have done it. A lot. There's no such thing as moving on. It's a lie. So, if I'm ever going to be able to fall in love again, and make eternity bearable, I need you to do something. Alaric: What? Elena: You were created by the original vampire spell, which means you can compel other vampires. And since I can't take away my vampirism, I want you to take away Damon. I want you to compel me to forget that I ever loved him. [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE, ANOTHER WORLD ] (Damon makes some pancakes. Pours coffee in cups and put the sugar cubes in each cup. Then takes the plates and puts them on desk where Bonnie is siting.) Bonnie: Every day I tell you I hate that. Damon: And every day I do it anyway. Bon appetit.

Plan: A: Elena; Q: Who is having a hard time coping with Damon's death? A: a horrible time; Q: What kind of time is Elena having? A: her sophomore year; Q: When Elena returns to Whitmore College, what year is she in? A: Luke; Q: Who gives Elena drugs to see Damon? A: side effects; Q: What does Elena develop after taking drugs? A: Caroline; Q: Who dropped out of college to find a way to reverse the spell? A: the Travellers; Q: Who put a spell on the Mystic Falls border? A: Tyler adjusts; Q: Who adjusts to being human? A: Liv; Q: Who does Tyler have feelings for? A: Jeremy; Q: Who is Matt worried about? A: Bonnie; Q: Who does Jeremy continue to cope with the death of? A: random girls; Q: Who is Jeremy having sex with? A: Alaric; Q: Who is working as a professor at Whitmore? A: a vampire; Q: What is Alaric? A: Stefan; Q: Who has decided to live a normal life? A: a mechanic; Q: What is Stefan's new job? Summary: Four months later, Elena is having a horrible time coping with Damon's death as she returns to Whitmore College for her sophomore year. She is taking drugs that Luke has given her in order to see Damon, but she soon develops side effects that make her violent. Caroline has dropped out of college to find a way to reverse the spell that the Travellers had put on the Mystic Falls border. Tyler adjusts to being human as he begins attending Whitmore while his feelings for Liv grow. Matt gets really worried after Jeremy continues to cope with Bonnie's death by having sex with random girls and drinking. Alaric, after returning, is adjusting to his life as a vampire and works as a professor at Whitmore. Stefan has decided to live a normal life and started working as a mechanic after giving up on finding a way to get Bonnie and Damon back. Elena asks Alaric how he copes with being a vampire and asks him to compel her into forgetting about Damon.

THE FACELESS ONES by DAVID ELLIS and MALCOLM HULKE first broadcast - 13th May 1967 running time - 23mins 08secs [SCENE_BREAK] 1. SPACE STATION'S CORRIDOR (As the little group of passengers moves along the corridor, THE DOCTOR and NURSE PINTO deliberately allow themselves to fall behind.) PINTO: What do we do now? DOCTOR: We slip away and see if we can find all these young people. Come on. (THE DOCTOR turns a corner and finds himself facing BLADE. He tries to get passed him.) DOCTOR: (Cheerfully.) Ah, Captain Blade, we're following your instructions, trying to find the accommodation centre. (BLADE gives him one of his unpleasant smiles.) BLADE: My instructions don't apply to you. You two won't be needing living space. (THE DOCTOR and NURSE PINTO, seeing that they have been found out, turn to run, but suddenly they are surrounded by the shambling featureless forms of unprocessed Chameleons... Since escape is clearly impossible, THE DOCTOR decides to fall back on indignation.) DOCTOR: Captain Blade, what is this? I don't understand. We're here to stay, aren't we? BLADE: Oh yes, you're here to stay - but not in your present state. DOCTOR: I'm very sorry, I simply don't understand what you mean. BLADE: I checked with the Medical Centre. You're both human. We want you intact. That's why I allowed you to come here. I want your brain. (BLADE gestures to the Chameleon guards, and THE DOCTOR and NURSE PINTO are marched away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL ROOM (The CHAMELEON-MEADOWS sits in a chair with the burly form of Superintendent REYNOLDS looming over him.) CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: I've told you, I don't know where they are. You're wasting your time with me. (REYNOLDS turns to the COMMANDANT.) REYNOLDS: I think he's telling the truth. COMMANDANT: I'm afraid he is. Get him out of here! (REYNOLDS beckons a waiting constable and the CHAMELEON-MEADOWS is marched off. REYNOLDS joins the COMMANDANT, who is staring beguilingly at a wall map of the Airport.) COMMANDANT: They must be here somewhere. (REYNOLDS points at the map.) REYNOLDS: We have completely searched this area. I've now got fifty men going through this part and the Metropolitan Police are sending help. But time is running short. I have to cover the entire airfield. I need volunteers now! (The COMMANDANT thinks about this and then picks up the phone on his desk.) COMMANDANT: (Into phone.) Get me the public address room. (To HESLINGTON.) Heslington, divert all in-bound aircraft. (Into phone.) Public Address Room, this is the Commandant. Switch me through to the P.A. system and stop all other announcements until further instructions. (The COMMANDANT puts the phone down and goes over to the microphone which will transmit his voice to the P.A. system and so to all of the Airport.) COMMANDANT: (Into microphone.) This is the Airport Commandant speaking... [SCENE_BREAK] 3. MAIN AIRPORT BUILDING (The passengers and staff stop and listen, as the COMMANDANT's voice comes over on the P.A. system.) COMMANDANT: (OOV.) Please pay attention. I want all available Airport personnel to assist in a special duty. Will they please report to the Airport Police, who will issue instructions. I would like to assure passengers that there's no cause for alarm, and to apologise for the temporary suspension of all outward flights. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. MAIN RUNAWAY FIELD AND OUT-BUILDINGS (Even as the COMMANDANT is speaking, the police, joined by increasing numbers of volunteers are searching hangars, runways, out-buildings, shops and offices, not to mention large areas of waste ground. But the Airport is enormous and the searchers are still too few.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5. THE DIRECTOR'S OFFICE (The DOCTOR and NURSE PINTO are shoved into the Director's Office, followed by BLADE and the Chameleon-guards. The Director's office is one of the larger rooms on the space station, its wall lined with complex scientific instruments with technicians manning them - one of which is the CHAMELEON-JAMIE. The DOCTOR notices uneasily that one section looks very like the set-up in the Medical Centre, with couches linked by complex instrumentation. From his command chair, THE DIRECTOR, in the form of Inspector CROSSLAND, swings round to face THE DOCTOR. THE DOCTOR is surprised when he sees who the DIRECTOR is. He thinks that it is CROSSLAND at first, but the cruel and arrogant look on the DIRECTOR's face tells the DOCTOR that it isn't CROSSLAND.) DOCTOR: Oh. DIRECTOR: What did you hope to achieve here? (The DOCTOR stares fearlessly back at him.) DOCTOR: A chance to plead with you for the lives of fifty thousand young people. (The DIRECTOR looks surprised.) DIRECTOR: They're only human beings. DOCTOR: And what are you? DIRECTOR: (Arrogantly.) We are the most intelligent race in the universe. (The CHAMELEON-JAMIE turns around from the control room that he was studying.) CHAMELEON-JAMIE: Director? DIRECTOR: Yes? CHAMELEON-JAMIE: Freiburg flight has just taken off. (Despite the loss of the Scottish accent, the DOCTOR is surprised and delighted when he hears the CHAMELEON-JAMIE's voice, and calls out to the double who is watching his instrument panel.) DOCTOR: (Calls.) Why, Jamie! (The figure swings round.) CHAMELEON-JAMIE: You wish to speak to me? DOCTOR: (Sadly.) Oh no, of course, it's... it's not Jamie. You're a Chameleon. (Furious, he turns to the DIRECTOR.) DOCTOR: Well, I don't think you've done a very good job on him. DIRECTOR: Why not? DOCTOR: Well you lost his Scots accent in the processing. Oh I much preferred the original. DIRECTOR: If you're looking for your friend's original, Doctor, you won't find it in here. DOCTOR: Really? DIRECTOR: No, it's... (The DIRECTOR catches himself just in time.) DIRECTOR: ...in a safe place. Not far from here. (To the CHAMELEON-JAMIE.) What are we waiting for? CHAMELEON-JAMIE: Dubrovnik and Athens. They're waiting to collect our personnel. DIRECTOR: We're well ahead of schedule. We can wait. Proceed with the processing. (He nods to BLADE who is standing just behind the DOCTOR.) DIRECTOR: By the way Captain Blade, congratulations on bringing this man here. I personally will decide which of our people is to have his identity. DOCTOR: It'll be one of your friends, I've no doubt! (He turns to Nurse PINTO and speaks up so that everybody in the room can hear him.) DOCTOR: Well it's understandable. The... the special people up here feel more secure if their originals are actually in the satellite. DIRECTOR: (Sees what the DOCTOR is saying.) Be quiet. (The DOCTOR ignores him and looks mockingly at BLADE.) DOCTOR: The Director has nothing to worry about because his original, Detective Inspector Crossland is actually on board. But ah... where's your original? (He nods to SPENCER, who stands by the door.) DOCTOR: And where's yours? DIRECTOR: (Snaps.) That's enough! Their originals are perfectly safe. Hidden on Gatwick Airport, where they will never be found. [SCENE_BREAK] 6. GATWICK AIRPORT (By now, the search has included the other runway and also the main Car Park.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7. DIRECTOR'S OFFICE (The DIRECTOR has left the room and BLADE and SPENCER are making movements towards the DOCTOR, with the intent of putting him in the machine.) BLADE: (To the DOCTOR.) What did you mean about our originals? DOCTOR: Well, as I see it, there are two categories. People like your Director and that man over there... (He points to the CHAMELEON-JAMIE.) DOCTOR: ...whose originals are safe on board here. And then there are people like you two, whose originals have been left behind at Gatwick airport. If they're tampered with... you're finished! (BLADE thinks for a moment.) BLADE: He's lying. Come on, let's get him into the machine before the Director returns. (BLADE and SPENCER close in on the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: (Loudly.) Yes, you'd better process me quickly, because any minute now you'll cease to exist. You're first on the list! (BLADE pauses.) BLADE: What list? DOCTOR: Oh surely you understand! We've found all of the originals. The Commandant at the Airport is going to deprocess them one by one, starting with you, unless I stop him. SPENCER: (Uneasily.) He's bluffing. BLADE: (To SPENCER.) Wait! (To the DOCTOR.) Where did you find the originals? (The DOCTOR waves this detail aside.) DOCTOR: Ah, that I can't tell you. But they'd been searching for some time and just as I was about to board the aircraft I got a signal, which meant that they'd been successful. Otherwise I wouldn't have come. (BLADE and SPENCER looked at each other uneasily.) DOCTOR: Well, if you don't believe me, check with Gatwick Airport. I imagine you know its radio frequency? (BLADE thinks about this and then turns to the CHAMELEON-JAMIE.) BLADE: Contact Gatwick Air Control. [SCENE_BREAK] 8. GATWICK AIR CONTROL ROOM (REYNOLDS and the COMMANDANT are looking at the map of Gatwick Airport. REYNOLDS points to a spot on the map.) REYNOLDS: I've got two dozen men moving down here looking for any signs of the soil having been disturbed. There are twenty men here, with fifty volunteers going through these hangars. (HESLINGTON looks up, taking off his headphones from the radio desk.) HESLINGTON: Commandant. COMMANDANT: Yes. HESLINGTON: Someone's crashing our frequency. COMMANDANT: Who is it? HESLINGTON: I don't know sir. It's an unidentified station, asking for you. (He turns up the volume on a speaker and a distorted voice (actually the CHAMELEON-JAMIE's) crackles into the room...) VOICE: (OOV.) This is Chameleon Headquarters calling Gatwick Airport. How do you read me? (The COMMANDANT takes over from HESLINGTON and speaks into the microphone.) COMMANDANT: This is Gatwick Airport, Commandant speaking. We are reading you loud and clear. VOICE: (OOV.) We understand you have found some property in which we have an interest. Will you confirm? COMMANDANT: Yes, we have that property. VOICE: (OOV.) State where you found it. COMMANDANT: Does that matter. The important thing is we have found it, and can now destroy you. VOICE: (OOV.) Please stay by your receiver. (The COMMANDANT covers the mike with his hand.) COMMANDANT: The Doctor must be trying some sort of bluff. REYNOLDS: And we are not being much help to him. [SCENE_BREAK] 9. CHAMELEON TOURS' INNER OFFICE (SAMANTHA and JEAN are searching frantically through the office in the Chameleon kiosk. SAMANTHA has recollected finding a crumpled list. At the time she discard it as unimportant, but she has suddenly become convinced that it might be very important indeed.) JEAN: Where d'you think you left them? SAMANTHA: I don't know, I left them in here somewhere. Anyway, none of that Chameleon lot are looking 'cos they've all gone. (JEAN finds it and passes it over to SAMANTHA.) JEAN: Here, look! SAMANTHA: Yeah. You see it suddenly dawned on me - what would they be doing with so many coaches? JEAN: Oh, why didn't that occur to me? SAMANTHA: Oh, you haven't got all the brains in London you know. Twenty-five! There you are, twenty-five car numbers, twenty-five people! [SCENE_BREAK] 10. GATWICK AIR CONTROL ROOM (For a few minutes, nothing has been heard and then:) VOICE: (OOV.) This is Chameleon Headquarters. Explain your reluctance to state where you found the property. COMMANDANT: It is not a question of reluctance. (REYNOLDS hisses into the COMMANDANT's ear.) REYNOLDS: Say the police haven't told you yet. COMMANDANT: The property is in the hands of the police, who have not yet informed me where the hiding place was. VOICE: (OOV.) Message understood. Please stay by your receiver. (The phone rings.) REYNOLDS: I'll get that. (He snatches it up.) REYNOLDS: (Into the phone.) Air Traffic Control. (After listening to the other end.) Hold on a minute. (To the COMMANDANT.) It's the girl and your assistant. They think they've got a clue. COMMANDANT: Right, I'll try and stall them. VOICE: (OOV.) Chameleon Headquarters to Gatwick Airport. We are closing down now. (The voice fades away. The COMMANDANT tries to get through again.) COMMANDANT: (Into microphone.) Gatwick Airport to Chameleon Headquarters, are you receiving me? [SCENE_BREAK] 11. DIRECTOR'S OFFICE (The COMMANDANT's voice is being received by the Chameleon's radio, and projects into the room, to be heard by the DIRECTOR as he walks back into the room.) COMMANDANT: (OOV.) Gatwick Airport to Chameleon Headquarters, are you receiving me? Gatwick Airport to Chameleon Headquarters, are you receiving... DIRECTOR: (To the CHAMELEON-JAMIE.) Turn it off. (The CHAMELEON-JAMIE does so and the DIRECTOR notices that BLADE has got his gun out.) DIRECTOR: Put that gun away. BLADE: He said he'd found our originals. DIRECTOR: And had he? BLADE: No, he was bluffing. DIRECTOR: Proceed with the processing. In future, take your orders only from me. (The DOCTOR is taken over to the DIRECTOR's command chair.) DOCTOR: (Chattily.) You're going to get a surprise when twenty-five of your people disintegrate! DIRECTOR: What a pity you won't be able to see it. (To the GUARDS.) The Nurse. (The DIRECTOR touches a control and a section of wall slides back, revealing two pairs of metallic throne-like chairs, each linked by a control console. The DOCTOR and Nurse PINTO are dragged across to the machine. The DOCTOR investigates one of the chairs.) DOCTOR: Now then, now... what is it you want me to do? BLADE: Sit down. (The DOCTOR turns, leaning casually against one of the linking consoles.) DOCTOR: Tell me, what happens if ah, you disintegrate in the middle of my being processed? I mean, will that do me any harm, being suspended between one thing and an other, so to speak... (As the DOCTOR talks, his hands are busy with a screwdriver behind his back.) BLADE: Sit down! DOCTOR: Oh, very well, (Suddenly a very satisfying bang and flash come from the console behind him. The DOCTOR jumps back, palming the screwdriver and slipping it back into his pocket.) DOCTOR: Oh dear. (The DIRECTOR glares angrily at BLADE.) DIRECTOR: You should have been watching him. Send for a new unit. (To the DOCTOR.) You haven't averted your fate, only postponed it. [SCENE_BREAK] 12. AIRPORT CAR PARK (In the Airport's huge crowded car park, SAMANTHA and JEAN ROCK are checking car numbers one by one. Perhaps foolishly, they have decided to test their theory alone, rather than ask for help. Neither of them has noticed that CHAMELEON-MEADOWS is stalking them between the cars. He has managed to elude his guarding constable. Purely by chance he crossed paths with the two girls and immediately some instinct told him what they were doing. He begins working his way closer to them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13. DIRECTOR'S OFFICE (All too soon BLADE and SPENCER install the new console and check it over. Soon the whirring noise of a working machine fills the air.) DIRECTOR: At last. Now Doctor... DOCTOR: You're quite sure it's safe now? (The DOCTOR sits down and is soon clamped firmly in place, next to Nurse PINTO, who has been fixed into her chair for some time. At a sign from the DIRECTOR, two unprocessed Chameleons shamble forwards and take their places in the two vacant chairs. The DOCTOR looks at the formless blobs of head, and shudders to think of one of them taking on his likeness. BLADE and SPENCER begin attaching the familiar black sheaths to the arms of the two Chameleons.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14. AIRPORT CAR PARK (SAMANTHA has found one of the numbers on her list and there in the back, half hidden under a blanket is the dormant original of Immigration Officer JENKINS. Suddenly, CHAMELEON-MEADOWS seems to spring out from nowhere. With a snarl, he leaps on SAMANTHA and throws her to the ground. By now, SAMANTHA has got VERY annoyed. Having being attacked by aliens, as well as worrying about her brother, she boils into rage and fights back with great ferociousness. Soon the police manage to catch up with CHAMELEON-MEADOWS, by which time JEAN has come to help SAMANTHA in the fight. By this time, the fugitive has been pretty well subdued.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15. DIRECTOR'S OFFICE (By now the DIRECTOR's big office is very crowded. Most of the Chameleon airport personnel have turned up, drawn perhaps by the rumours of some threat to their previously abandoned originals. CHAMELEON-JENKINS has appeared and is helping BLADE and SPENCER with making final adjustments to the wiring.) DIRECTOR: Is everything ready now? BLADE: Just one moment, sir. CHAMELEON-JAMIE: Director. Gatwick Control calling us again. DIRECTOR: Ignore them. CHAMELEON-JAMIE: They claim they have found the originals. DIRECTOR: They're bluffing again, I said ignore them! [SCENE_BREAK] 16. AIRPORT CONTROL ROOM (The COMMANDANT and REYNOLDS are standing behind HESLINGTON, who is speaking into his mike in a loud, urgent voice.) HESLINGTON: Gatwick Airport to Chameleon Head Quarters. Do you read me? (He looks up despairingly.) HESLINGTON: It's no good sir. COMMANDANT: Very well. We'll have to give them a demonstration. (He turns to REYNOLDS.) COMMANDANT: Right Super. (REYNOLDS speaks into the telephone, which is off the hook.) REYNOLDS: Sergeant Erskine? [SCENE_BREAK] 17. AIRPORT CAR PARK (In the car park police are laying out a long row of bodies on blankets. The policemen that captured CHAMELEON-MEADOWS have summoned others, and soon all the missing originals have been found and taken from the cars. Now they are awaiting ambulances and hospitalisation. Sergeant ERSKINE walks to the beginning of the line and kneels by JENKINS, the first original to be found. A little dubiously he pushes back the left sleeve revealing the white sheath. Obeying the Commandant's instructions he reaches out and wrenches it off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18. DIRECTOR'S OFFICE (Where CHAMELEON-JENKINS had been standing in the Director's office on the space station, there is a pile of clothes, a blob of protoplasm, and a black sheath. BLADE snatches it up and thrusts it accusingly into the DIRECTOR's face.) BLADE: They have found them! They weren't bluffing. DIRECTOR: (Coolly.) His equipment could have gone wrong. (BLADE brandishes the sheath.) BLADE: All right, what could have gone wrong with it? DIRECTOR: That is a question for our scientists. (The DOCTOR decides to butt in.) DOCTOR: By the time they tell you that there's nothing wrong with it, you'll all have disintegrated, except of course the Director. DIRECTOR: Be quiet, this has nothing to do with you. DOCTOR: Yes, you're quite right, it only concerns these two. I'll keep my mouth shut. (BLADE swings round to the CHAMELEON-JAMIE.) BLADE: We'd better contact Gatwick Air Control. DIRECTOR: We've finished with Gatwick Airport. BLADE: And what if they haven't finished with us? DIRECTOR: That would be your own fault, wouldn't it. You told me that all the originals were hidden. Where they could not possibly be found until the life have been drained from them. Are you now telling me that you were careless? (BLADE has had enough debate. Suddenly there is a ray gun in his hand, trained on the DIRECTOR.) BLADE: (To CHAMELEON-JAMIE.) Contact Gatwick Air Control. DIRECTOR: Destroy the transmitter. (Before CHAMELEON-JAMIE can obey he is covered by SPENCER's ray gun.) DIRECTOR: All right. CHAMELEON-JAMIE: This is Chameleon Head Quarters calling Gatwick Airport. How do you read me? [SCENE_BREAK] 19. AIRPORT CONTROL ROOM (The COMMANDANT takes the mike.) COMMANDANT: Gatwick Airport to Chameleon Head Quarters. We are reading you loud and clear. VOICE: (OOV.) Can you now state where you found the originals? COMMANDANT: The originals were discovered in a car park. To prove it, we have already eliminated one of your personnel. A man. [SCENE_BREAK] 20. DIRECTOR'S OFFICE (The office is silent as the COMMANDANT's voice goes on.) COMMANDANT: (OOV.) I now wish to speak to the Doctor. Unless I hear his voice immediately, the next to be eliminated will be Captain Blade. (BLADE turns to the DIRECTOR.) BLADE: Release him! (The DIRECTOR hesitates and BLADE thrusts the gun in his face.) BLADE: I said release him. (The DIRECTOR goes over to the Doctor and begins unfastening the clamps. The DOCTOR stands up stiffly.) BLADE: (To the DOCTOR, snappily.) Get to that microphone! DOCTOR: Release the Nurse first. (Hurriedly Nurse PINTO is freed.) COMMANDANT: (OOV.) I said I wished to speak to the Doctor, otherwise the next will be Captain Blade. BLADE: (Almost pleadingly.) Doctor, the microphone. DOCTOR: (To NURSE PINTO.) Are you quite all right, my dear. PINTO: Yes, I think so. DOCTOR: Good. (The DOCTOR crosses to the microphone.) DOCTOR: Commandant, this is the Doctor speaking. COMMANDANT: Ar, what a relief. DOCTOR: Stand by while I negotiate. (He turns to the DIRECTOR.) DOCTOR: Now then, I will tell you my terms. I will guarantee your continued existence, if you will return to Earth all the young people you abducted. DIRECTOR: No use. They've all been miniaturised. DOCTOR: Then reverse the process. DIRECTOR: I'm afraid that's impossible, the equipment for that is on our home planet. BLADE: (Harshly.) He's lying. The planes themselves are the miniaturisation chambers and they work both ways. (He looks thoughtfully at the DOCTOR.) BLADE: What kind of continued existence would we have, Doctor? DOCTOR: In your former state, I'm afraid. Your scientists will have to find some other way out of your dilemma. (It takes BLADE only a moment to consider.) BLADE: It's better than death. SPENCER: We accept. BLADE: All right, we accept. (There is a murmur of assent from the others.) DIRECTOR: You fools, how can you trust him? (He runs for the door, and BLADE raises his gun.) CHAMELEON-JAMIE: Look out! Ahh... (Loyal to his director, the CHAMELEON-JAMIE springs forwards, trying to protect him. Ruthlessly, BLADE shoots them both down. Stepping over the bodies the DOCTOR goes to the microphone.) DOCTOR: Commandant, are you still there? COMMANDANT: (OOV.) Yes. DOCTOR: Negotiations have been successfully concluded as arranged. COMMANDANT: (OOV.) Good. I'll leave the people in the car park as they are until you arrive back. DOCTOR: Good. Please stay listening out on this frequency. I am leaving Captain Blade in charge of the radio. COMMANDANT: (OOV, with concern.) Can you trust him? DOCTOR: Yes, I think I can now. COMMANDANT: (OOV.) What are you going to do? DOCTOR: I'm going to try and find my three friends and the Inspector. (To BLADE.) You know where they are? BLADE: Yes. DOCTOR: You will take me to them. (Into microphone.) I will call you again. COMMANDANT: (OOV.) Roger. [SCENE_BREAK] 21. AIRPORT CONTROL ROOM COMMANDANT: Well, Heslington, flap over. Let's get back to normal as quickly as we can. [SCENE_BREAK] 22. SMALL ROOM (In this room are boxes. BLADE and the DOCTOR walk in.) BLADE: Over here. (He points to the boxes.) BLADE: I don't know which one. (The DOCTOR opens a box to find JAMIE, who comes back to life almost immediately.) JAMIE: (Surprised.) Doctor! DOCTOR: (Happy.) Jamie! Ha, I'm glad to see you alive. JAMIE: How... how do you mean? DOCTOR: I'll explain to you one day. Well come along out. You look like a soldier in a sentry box standing there! Sit down. (The DOCTOR helps Jamie out and leads him to a chair.) DOCTOR: Sit down. (The DOCTOR then goes to attend to CROSSLAND in an adjoining box. He hears a yell of alarm from JAMIE, and sees that he is reacting to the sight of BLADE in the doorway.) DOCTOR: It's all right, he's a friend. Now sit down while I find the others. (The DOCTOR sets to work restoring CROSSLAND to life.) DOCTOR: Ah! Inspector Crossland. (He helps CROSSLAND out of the box.) DOCTOR: There we are. Now, Ben, Polly and back to Gatwick. [SCENE_BREAK] 23. AIRPORT CAR PARK (The frozen humans come back to life and look about them wondering why they are in the car park. They are dazed, confused but alive!.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24. DIRECTOR'S OFFICE (Some time later BLADE, PINTO, CROSSLAND and the DOCTOR are once more assembled in the Director's office.) BLADE: Doctor, the first plane is ready for take-off. We've got all the processed personnel including your three young friends aboard. DOCTOR: Ah, good. BLADE: Are you going with us, Doctor. DOCTOR: Yes, I'm going with Nurse Pinto. (He turns to CROSSLAND.) DOCTOR: Are you going Inspector? CROSSLAND: No, I think I'd better stay here just for a while, to... tidy things up. Are you ready nurse? PINTO: Oh yes, Inspector. CROSSLAND: I'll see you to the plane. DOCTOR: I'll see you on the plane Nurse. (As CROSSLAND escorts the still-shaken, but very brave NURSE PINTO to the plane, BLADE turns to the DOCTOR.) BLADE: What will our future be Doctor? DOCTOR: So long as you keep your side of the bargain, you may return to your own planet unharmed. Perhaps your scientists will be able to find some way out of their dilemma. I may be able to give them one or two ideas of my own. (BLADE nods and turns away, icy and impassive to the last. The DOCTOR looks about for the last time and follows him out of the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25. AIRPORT CONTROL ROOM (Later, very much later, when things are in a fair way to being sorted out again, the DOCTOR stands in Air Traffic Control, saying goodbye to JEAN ROCK and the COMMANDANT. Or rather, trying to, since both are desperately busy trying to get their Airport running smoothly again. The kidnapped young people from all over the world have been restored to their proper size and their proper place, and the Chameleons, formless once more, have disappeared into the blackness of space. The DOCTOR and JAMIE have had a joyous reunion with a dazed POLLY and BEN, and SAMANTHA and her brother are just going to be re-united.) COMMANDANT: (Into phone.) Yes, yes, I know, all flights were suspended as well as yours. (The DOCTOR and JAMIE walk into the room.) COMMANDANT: Hello Doctor. All down safely. DOCTOR: Yes. Yes. COMMANDANT: Splendid, Splendid. (To JEAN.) I'll take that Brussels call now. DOCTOR: (Diffidently.) There's just one thing Commandant. COMMANDANT: (Into phone.) Yes, yes, right. DOCTOR: Our TARDIS. Our police box. COMMANDANT: (Into phone.) Ah Bruxelles. Oui, j'... (The COMMANDANT turns and looks at the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: The police box on the runway. COMMANDANT: Of course, Jean, see that the Doctor gets his property back, will you? (To the DOCTOR.) Goodbye Doctor and thank you so much. DOCTOR: Thank you Commandant. COMMANDANT: (To JAMIE.) Goodbye scottie. (JAMIE gives the COMMANDANT a strange look, wondering how to take his comment - as an insult or as a compliment. Giving up, he follows the DOCTOR out the door until he spots SAMANTHA waiting for her brother Brian to arrive any minute. The DOCTOR hugs SAMANTHA.) DOCTOR: Goodbye Samantha. Come along Jamie, we must find Ben and Polly and get to the TARDIS. (JAMIE lingers for a moment in the doorway.) JAMIE: (Awkwardly.) I'd better say goodbye. SAMANTHA: (Brightly.) Oh, well I'll see you around then? JAMIE: Around where? SAMANTHA: Well, you know, around... Ah you're not just going off like that? JAMIE: Aye, I must go. The Doctor'll be... Well your brother will be here any moment. SAMANTHA: Yeah. (SAMANTHA blinks.) SAMANTHA: Well, ta-ra then! (She leans forwards and gives him a kiss. JAMIE, being the shy fool that he is, blushes under SAMANTHA's beauty and warmth but his loyalty to the DOCTOR is far greater than this and sadly JAMIE, in his heart, knows this. He can't stay.) JAMIE: Aye, well can... SAMANTHA: Hey, thanks for everything. JAMIE: I'll say goodbye. (He flies down the corridor after the DOCTOR. A little tearfully, SAMANTHA watches him go.) SAMANTHA: (Tearfully and sadly.) Goodbye Jamie. [SCENE_BREAK] 26. AIRPORT HANGAR (The COMMANDANT's huge black limousine deposits the TARDIS crew by an outlying hangar.) DOCTOR: (To the driver.) This will do. My thanks to the Commandant. POLLY: (To the driver.) Thank you every much. (Getting his bearings, the DOCTOR strides off, disappearing round the corner of the hangar.) POLLY: Hey, Doctor, where are you going? BEN: Hey, come back. (The DOCTOR reappears after a little while. He looks surprised and also a little angry. The others come up to him.) POLLY: Doctor. BEN: What are you doing? DOCTOR: Doing. I'm looking for the TARDIS. POLLY: Oh no, can't we stay in London a bit? (BEN nods enthusiastically.) BEN: Yeah, it's good to feel normal again. (The DOCTOR looks hurt.) DOCTOR: Normal? What do you mean, Ben? BEN: Well, no monsters, or Cybermen. All this - it's normal. I understand it. DOCTOR: (Quizzically.) Do you? What about Chameleon Tours? BEN: Oh yeah, that was different! JAMIE: Oh I'll be glad to get away from here. Can you not land us in a nice civilised place like 1750? POLLY: What's so uncivilised about 1966? JAMIE: Oh, you can keep it! (BEN gasps in total amazement at POLLY.) BEN: Did you say 1966. POLLY: Yes. BEN: What month is it? (The DOCTOR, having checked up on this before they left, tells him.) DOCTOR: It's July. July the 20th, to be precise. (POLLY looks puzzled.) POLLY: (To BEN.) What are you getting at? (He grasps her hands.) BEN: Don't you see, Duchess? July the 20th, 1966 is when it all began! We're back to when it all started! Well, I think... (POLLY's eyes widen.) POLLY: That means it's as... it's as if we've never been away! (The DOCTOR smiles a little sadly. He can see where this is going.) DOCTOR: You really want to go, don't you. BEN: (Loyally.) Well, we won't leave, Doctor, if you really need us. POLLY: (Pleading.) The thing is, it... it is our world. DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Yes, I know. You're lucky, I never got back to mine... (Suddenly his face breaks into a huge grin.) DOCTOR: All right, then. Off you go! (BEN and POLLY look un-decided.) DOCTOR: Now go on, Ben can catch his ship and become an Admiral and you Polly, you can look after Ben. (There are tears in POLLY's eyes.) POLLY: I will. (She gives him and JAMIE a sudden bear-hug.) POLLY: You will be safe, won't you? JAMIE: (Gruffly.) I'll look after him. BEN: I'm sure you will, mate. (He shakes hands with the DOCTOR and JAMIE.) BEN: Goodbye Doctor. DOCTOR: Ben. BEN: We might see you sometime. Take care. DOCTOR: Well you'd better hurry. The Commandant's car's waiting. (BEN and POLLY take a long final look at their travelling companions. It has been a strange time, going from past to future and back again and to other planets. They have met Cybermen, Daleks, and watched as the DOCTOR changed from a grumpy old man to a small scruffy man. They have both felt the incredible dangers and delight that Time Travel has given them and the memories will be with them forever. They then hurry away back into their normal lives. The world has not changed a day or a week since they left, but they could have been away a year or two in their own time-scale. At least they have something that most people in 1966 and on Earth don't have. They have the knowledge that the future will be all right, because they have seen it. Also, they know that the DOCTOR is in safe hands, or that JAMIE is in safe hands, whichever way they like to think of it, and that the universe is better for having them both in it. Most of all, they have hope for the future. JAMIE watches them walk off.) JAMIE: I'm sad to see them go. DOCTOR: Yes Jamie, so am I. (The DOCTOR heaves a sigh.) DOCTOR: Well, we've got things to do. JAMIE: What things? DOCTOR: Well, I didn't tell the others but... we've lost the TARDIS! (JAMIE gapes at him.) JAMIE: We can't have done. (The DOCTOR leads him around the corner of the hangar.) DOCTOR: It was outside - it's not there now. JAMIE: You mean somebody's stolen it? DOCTOR: (Solemnly.) I don't know, but that's what we're going to find out! Come on! (The DOCTOR and JAMIE walk away, towards what is to be one of their greatest adventures...)

Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who manages to create dissent in the Chameleon ranks? A: Pinto; Q: Who is captured with the Doctor? A: their human originals; Q: What do the Chameleons depend on? Summary: The Doctor and Pinto are captured by the Chameleons but the Doctor manages to use their dependence on their human originals to create dissent in their ranks.

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] JULIAN: Marry me, Brooke Davis. BROOKE: Yes. Okay. BROOKE: Now I'm redoing everything, and the more that I think about it, the more frustrated I get. HALEY: Okay, you know what? Out of sight, out of mind. This book is only confusing you. SYLVIA: Oh, no, no, no. What if it rains? No, my son and beautiful daughter-in-law will not be married in a tent like circus folk. SYLVIA: I booked the banquet room at The Oaks. BROOKE: I said I can't afford it. SYLVIA: I told you, I'm taking care of it. BROOKE: I don't want to take your input. I don't like The Oaks. I don't really like any of it. SYLVIA: Good luck with the backyard hootenanny. KELLERMAN: Taking this class is like entering into a contract. Mr. Scott? KELLERMAN: I've been required to pass marquee athletes for years. But I don't have to pass you. NATHAN: I intend to hold up my end of the contract. KELLERMAN: I won't hold my breath. BIG HOUSE Brooke enters the bathroom and occurs a little water on the face. BROOKE: Oh. Ahh. Please, God, get me through this. I promise I will never drink again. SYLVIA: Shut up. (Sylvia is lying in the bath-tub) BROOKE: Sylvia! 12 HOURS EARLIER, BRULIAN'S HOUSE Julian gets dressed, Brooke is always with the bed. BROOKE: Just try not to get so drunk that you end up puking. JULIAN: Oh, I can't guarantee anything. You know, what happens at a bachelor party... BROOKE: That stupid rule never applies. JULIAN: Well, you have nothing to worry about, especially since you already helped me fill my misbehaving quota for the day. Twice and a half. BROOKE: I just wanted to remind you of what you'll be missing if you screw up tonight. Seriously, baby, I want you to have fun. JULIAN: Is that what you're wearing tonight? BROOKE: Mm-hmm. But I probably won't get to wear it for very long. JULIAN: Oh, really. What do you girls have planned? BROOKE: Well, let's just say... I might have random guys' hands all over me. JULIAN: Massage? BROOKE: Massage. Haley's taking us to the spa. 12 HOURS EARLIER, NALEY'S HOUSE Nathan talks with Haley. NATHAN: You know, it's really nice of you to do this for Brooke. HALEY: I'm happy too. She's been through so much in the last year. I think she really deserves it. You okay? NATHAN: Yeah. I just have to read this entire book by Monday, and I can't stop thinking about Kellerman calling me a nescient jock. HALEY: Mm. NATHAN: I don't even know what "nescient" means. HALEY: It means "uneducated." NATHAN: Why wouldn't he just say "uneducated"? HALEY: 'Cause he's a pompous college Professor, and you know what I would do if I were you? I would read that book. NATHAN: That's all you got? HALEY: Just read the book and forget about Professor what's-his-face. NATHAN: Kellerman. HALEY: Who? NATHAN: Keller... HALEY: Who? NATHAN: Okay. I'll read the book. HALEY: Okay. NATHAN: Thanks, Hales. HALEY: Bye, honey. NATHAN: Bye. Have fun. 12 HOURS EARLIER, BIG HOUSE Brooke, Halley and Quinn arrive at the bachelorette party. BROOKE: No way, Haley. You are not leaving my party early to go play tutor girl. We're not in High School anymore. HALEY: Hey, if you're gonna throw jabs, throw them at the right person, okay? Nathan's college Professor August Kellerman. QUINN: His name's August? HALEY: Yes. QUINN: Ooh, he even sounds mean. Like the end of summer. BROOKE: Yeah. This Kellerman guy made himself a powerful enemy today, taking you from my party. HALEY: Sorry, but you'll at least have Quinny and Alex and Millie. BROOKE: Wait. What? Who invited Alex? HALEY: I did. You invited her to Thanksgiving. What's the problem? BROOKE: I was being civil for Julian's sake! But this is my party. HALEY: I thought we weren't in High School anymore. BROOKE: Well, let's face it. She's always gonna be the girl who got naked in front of my boyfriend. QUINN: True. HALEY: I can uninvite her. She did get us the spa suite. So, it's up to you. Oops. (Brooke enters in the house) BROOKE: Wow. ALEX: Our guest of honor is here. BROOKE: I guess I can be civil. Brooke is made mass. MILLICENT: Thank you. BROOKE: Mm. Haley, this is the perfect party. MILLICENT: Wait. There's more. Open your present! BROOKE: Oh! Thanks. A guy proposes drink with Haley. HALEY: Oh, um, no, thanks. I can't have alcohol obviously. MAN: It's all natural. Homeopathic. HALEY: Well, what does that mean, exactly? MAN: It's perfectly safe. HALEY: I think we're gonna stick with cucumber water. Thanks, though. Brooke opens her presents. QUINN: : Wow, Millie. You really thought of everything. MILLICENT: Oh! Brooke, you have to wear this. BROOKE: Uh, no. I love you, but I can't wear anything made of whatever that is. HALEY: All right, to Brooke, on her last day of freedom. It's her turn. Cheers. GIRLS: Cheers. BIG HOUSE The next morning, Haley comes to see the girls. They are all by ground in odd situations. HALEY: Wow. You want some doughnuts? BROOKE: Mmm. No! HALEY: No? Oh. Oh! Good morning, ladies! Rise and shine. Oh, my God. Is that a dog collar? QUINN: Ugh. Is that why my neck is sore? Ohh. I think I bit my tongue. MILLICENT: My back hurts. ALEX: I feel fine! What? QUINN: You have a massive black eye. ALEX: What? Ow. Ow. HALEY: Why are you talking like you have your retainer in? QUINN: Why are you talking like you have your retainer in? HALEY: Open your mouth. Oh, my God! You got your tongue pierced! QUINN: Unh! Haley, take it out! Come on! No, I don't want to. Help me! HALEY: Say "please." Haley! Ugh. Brooke discovers Sylvia in the bathroom. BROOKE: Sylvia! What are you doing here? SYLVIA: All the couches were taken. BROOKE: No. What are you doing at my party? SYLVIA: The party was last night, sweetie. Uh, can you get me some water? My mouth is burning. BROOKE: Yeah. (Brooke realizes that she doesn't have any more her engagement ring) BROOKE: Huh! My engagement ring! SYLVIA: Oh, that's a little tackier than I remember. BROOKE: Oh! SYLVIA: Whoa. It's like I did shots of fire. Aah. BROOKE: It's not here! I do not remember anything about last night! This is not happening! SYLVIA: Mm! Brooke and Sylvia come to the living room join other girls. ALEX: Brooke, play it cool. Julian's mom is right behind you. SYLVIA: Is anyone else's mouth on fire? QUINN: Mine is. BROOKE: Everyone shut up about your stupid mouths! My engagement ring is missing! Nobody move! (A dog walks in the living room) ONE TREE HILL - OPEN CREDITS BIG HOUSE Everyone is with the research of the ring. ALEX: Well, there goes my security deposit. BROOKE: It's gone. My life is over. SYLVIA: What is the big deal? I mean, it was insured, right? Personally, I never really liked that setting, anyway. BROOKE: Seriously, why is she here? HALEY: We're gonna;;;we're gonna find your ring, okay? Let's retrace your steps. What did you guys do last night? BROOKE: I don't remember. I don't remember anything. I don't even remember Sylvia crashing. SYLVIA: I did not crash. I came by to drop off a gift, and you all insisted that I stay. I barely got through the door before somebody handed me some...ugh!...hippie energy drink. QUINN: I loved that drink. HALEY: I knew those drinks were bad news. What was in those? ALEX: I don't know. Energy? I will call and find out. HALEY: Okay. QUINN: Ew! Why is there raw meat in my purse? BROOKE: Is my ring in there?! MILLICENT: Sick! HALEY: Oh, you know what? That's a good idea. Everybody check their purses. BROOKE: Uh... SYLVIA: Well, if it makes you feel any better, Brooke, I lost my phone. BROOKE: It doesn't. (Brooke's phone rings) BROOKE: Oh, my gosh, you guys, it's Julian. What am I gonna say to him? SYLVIA: I will buy us some time. BROOKE: Okay. BIG HOUSE/BRULIAN'S HOUSE It's Sylvia who answers at phone. JULIAN(at phone): Morning, gorgeous. If you don't get home soon, I might have to misbehave all by myself. SYLVIA(at phone): Good morning, honey. JULIAN(at phone): Mom?! Why are you still there? SYLVIA(at phone): Why does everyone keep asking me that? JULIAN(at phone): Uh, well, why didn't Brooke answer? Is she okay? SYLVIA(at phone): She's as happy as a baby. JULIAN(at phone): Well, let me talk to her. SYLVIA(at phone): Uh, no. It's...it's bad luck to talk to the bride before the dress rehearsal. JULIAN(at phone): I thought it was bad luck to see the bride before... SYLVIA(at phone): It's all unlucky. Julian, we're dealing with pre-wedding stuff and girl bonding and...and she'll give you a ring later. BIG HOUSE Everyone checks her purses. SYLVIA: Any luck? HALEY: Well, somebody got lucky. At least they were safe. Ohh. ALEX: Okay. This is one of those good-news-bad-news things. The good news is, the drinks were perfectly healthy unless you mix them with alcohol. That was the bad news. BROOKE: I am gonna... QUINN: Okay, no, no, no. You already probably made her pay for it with the... HALEY: Oh! This is good. A receipt from a tattoo parlor. One embarrassing tongue piercing... QUINN: That's me. HALEY: ...One tattoo. Oh. It's like an x-rated version of "where's Waldo?" (Brooke sees that she has a number registered on her thigh) BROOKE: No! HALEY: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. That looks like henna or something. That's got to be, like...oh, it's chocolate. BROOKE: Did you just taste that? HALEY: I'm pregnant. SYLVIA: Well, before you eat the rest of it, maybe we should call it. QUINN: Found it! BROOKE: My ring?! QUINN: Millie's ho tag. ALEX: Ho tag? It's called a tramp stamp. MILLICENT: What is it?! QUINN: Oh. Then why don't you have one? HALEY: I have one. MILLICENT: What is it?! QUINN: Come on. Come on. SYLVIA(at Brooke): Don't! Okay. Okay. Don't let it run. Millie looks at her tattoo with the bathroom. MILLICENT: Why would I get boots? Why? Why? HALEY: Um, because that tattoo kicks ass. ALEX: We could always ask the tattoo artist. QUINN: I'm going with. This is gonna be awesome! Girls join Brooke and Sylvia at the living room. MILLICENT: We're going to the tattoo parlor. QUINN: Maybe they'll have your ring there. Oh, can we take the skateboarding dog with us? BROOKE: Take him. He's getting really annoying. QUINN: Come on! Come on! Come on. Quinn, Millie and Alex go away, Sylvia calls the number. RESPONDER: Hey. You know why I can't come to the phone. I'm Dave Navarro. Speak. HALEY: It's probably not the Dave Navarro. SYLVIA: Why do you have a rock star's phone number on your leg? BROOKE: You tell me. Tree Hill, last night! HALEY: Oh, my God! What the hell were you guys doing with Dave Navarro?! SYLVIA: What the hell am I wearing?! HALEY: What the hell did we do last night?! TATTOO PARLOR Millicent comes to talks with tattoo artist. MILLICENT: 'Stache? STACHE: Hey. What's up, boots? I'll be with you in a minute. ALEX: Did that guy just call you "boots"? MILLICENT: He must have thought I was somebody else. QUINN: Yeah, you're right. He probably thought you were some other girl with boots tattooed above your ass. MILLICENT: How could I be so stupid? I'm gonna have to explain this tattoo for the rest of my life. ALEX: Oh, it's not that bad. I got this one, and nobody ever asks me why I got it. QUINN: Why'd you get it? ALEX: Until now. It's no secret I tried to kill myself. So I use this tattoo as a reminder to believe in something. I mean, it's the only failure that I'm proud of. Besides, if I hadn't have failed, I would've missed out on all of this. Right, boots? QUINN: Millie, check it out! You're only a few tattoos behind Dave Navarro! CONCERT Haley, Brooke and Sylvia come to see if the ring is here. HALEY: All right, I'm gonna go check the box office. SYLVIA: Wow, I haven't been to a concert in so long. Melissa and I used to go all the time. BROOKE: Who's Melissa? SYLVIA: She was my best friend growing up. This one time, she pretended to be an A&R rep so that I could meet Steven Tyler. Do you know he's with Aerosmith? BROOKE: Yeah, I know who he is. SYLVIA: Bet you and Haley have some good...Stories. BROOKE: We do. But most of my concert stories are with my best friend, too Peyton. SYLVIA: Yeah, I remember Peyton. Is she coming to the wedding? BROOKE: Unfortunately, no. But don't tell Haley. I haven't told her yet, and... SYLVIA: Melissa didn't come to my wedding, either. BROOKE: Really? SYLVIA: It's probably for the best. I didn't really care for Peyton. BROOKE: I thought you liked her. SYLVIA: No, Paul liked her. (Haley comes in) HALEY: So...No ring. Sorry. But I did find out why the concert was canceled. Apparently they lost Dave Navarro. And the last they heard, he was riding a bull with some bachelorette party. Ring any bells? FLASHBACK, COUNTRY BAR Girls are on mechanical bulls making rodeo. Alex falls and is done badly with the eye. ALEX: I'm okay! TATTOO PARLOR Stache talks with Alex, Quinn and Millie. STACHE: Wow. Where'd you get the shiner? ALEX: I don't know. Why'd Millie get a boot tattoo? STACHE: 'Cause of her nickname. QUINN: I thought the nickname came from the tattoo. STACHE: Well, I guess the tattoo came from the nickname. FLASHBACK, TATTOO PARLOR Millie is made tattoo by Stache and Quinn gets a piercing by Alex. ALEX: Trust me. I can do this. TATTOO PARLOR STACHE: You know, boots wasn't the only one that got a tattoo. QUINN: Who else got a tattoo? STACHE: One of her brothers. QUINN: Brothers? Oh, God. Frat guys? ALEX: Gross! FRAT GUYS' HOUSE Guys see Alex, Quinn and Millie come in. GUY: Yo, it's boots and the girls. OTHER GUY: You guys were awesome last night. QUINN: You guys know us? GUY: You don't remember? FLASHBACK, FRAT GUYS' HOUSE Girls dance on the coffee table of the living room. Brooke loses her ring but Alex find it ground. BROOKE: Oh, my God! Where's my ring?! FRAT GUYS' HOUSE GUY: Hey, boots... What'd you lose? MILLICENT: A ring. Why did you guys nickname me "Boots"? OTHER GUY: We didn't. That's how you introduced yourself. MILLICENT: Oh, dear. Guys? (Millie sees a post for the dog) COUNTRY BAR Brooke and Haley seek the ring, Sylvia speaks with the barman. SYLVIA: Oh, barkeep? BROOKE: Seriously? SYLVIA: Hey, miss Kitty. Give me something to drown out this dreadful music. BROOKE: Isn't it a little early for a cocktail? BARMAN: You could try the boot again. BROOKE: The boot? "15 types of alcohol mixed in a real cowboy boot." SLVIA: Again? FLASHBACK, COUNTRY BAR Millie drinks alcohol in a real cowboy boot. PEOPLE: Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! COUNTRY BAR HALEY: It's not here. Let's go, Brooke. Here. Come on. Let's go. SYLVIA: Haley is right. Let's go. I cannot stand this music anymore. HALEY: Oh, it's not that bad. BROOKE: I like it. SYLVIA: It's because it's all you knew, growing up here in Tree Hill. Music brainwashes you. Since Julian moved here, he bought an old truck. And he wants a backyard hootenanny for a wedding. BROOKE: Okay. I am sick of you saying ba... (Brooke's phone rings) BROOKE: What? Sylvia? You're calling me right now. SYLVIA: What? BROOKE: You're calling me right now? SYLVIA: Oh. (Sylvia takes phone) SYLVIA: "Smother-in-law"? BROOKE: Typo. SYLVIA: Nice. BROOKE: Ask if they have my ring. SYLVIA(at phone): Hello. Yes. Oh! We'll be right there. Great news! They found it! BROOKE: My ring?! SYLVIA: No, my phone. It's at the fire station. Come on. HALEY: Of course it is. BROOKE: Hurry! MILLICENT'S CAR Girls bring back the dog to her owner. MILLICENT: I can't believe we stole a dog. ALEX: We don't know that. QUINN: He skateboards. Guys, we're in possession of a stolen skateboarding dog. ALEX: A lost skateboarding dog. And we're returning him. Ooh, maybe we'll get a reward. MILLICENT: This is the house. ALEX: That guy looks mean. KELLERMAN'S HOUSE Girls are in front of the house. QUINN: "August Kellerman." What does that name sound familiar? ALEX: His name is "August"? That even sounds mean. QUINN: Like the end of summer. Oh, my God. Guys, we got to go. MILLICENT: Why? ALEX: Why? QUINN: Because we stole Nathan's Professor's dog! MILLICENT: Would we really do all this? FLASHBACK, KELLERMAN'S HOUSE Millicent and Sylvia put toilet paper in the trees. Brooke and Alex balance eggs on the door of the house. Quinn wants to catch the dog with meat. They embark it. MILLICENT: Oh! Oh, no. SYLVIA: Oh, yes! MILLICENT: Whoo! Whoo! QUINN: Look what I got! You want it? You want the meat? Come on, puppy! Come here! ALEX/BROOKE: One, two, three! Shh! GIRLS: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! He wants to live with us! MILLICENT'S CAR MILLICENT: We should go. ALEX: Yeah. QUINN: Yeah. MILLICENT: I can't believe we did that. I've never tissued a house before. QUINN: Tissued? I think you mean T.P.'ed. ALEX: I'm pretty sure we had a great night last night. QUINN: Me too. Now if I could remember everything that happened last night and forget about other things, that would be great. ALEX: Can I ask you a question? QUINN: Sure. ALEX: What's it like getting shot? QUINN: Well, almost dying pretty much sucks. But, you know, now that Katie's locked away, I just want to forget about everything. ALEX: Mm. I don't want to forget what happened to me. You know, once I accepted that I can't run from it, my scars didn't look so bad. QUINN: You obviously haven't seen my scar. ALEX: Own it. My scars are from a moment of weakness. Yours are proof of your strength. FIRE STATION Sylvia looks at some picture of Julian in her phone. BROOKE: Well, no ring. At least you found your phone. Aw. Julian was such a cute kid. SYLVIA: Yeah, I have more. No way. HALEY: That's you. That is... Wait a minute. Oh, wait! I know that place. That is where Nathan goes to watch football. BROOKE: Please let them have my ring! SPORTS BAR Haley, Brooke and Sylvia come in. SYLVIA: Ugh! The restaurants in L.A. are so much classier than this. I really do think that you would love it there, Brooke. It's such a great place to live. HALEY: I like L.A. BROOKE: I've lived in a city New York and it was a great place to visit, but I love Tree Hill, you guys. This is home. SYLVIA: All people do in these small towns is have s*x and watch TV. BROOKE: Oh, you say it like it's a bad thing. (Waitress comes in) WAITRESS: Sylvia! Welcome back! I'll get those free wings for you. SYLVIA: Free wings? WAITRESS: Well, as long as you're the champ, you eat for free. FLASHBACK, SPORTS BAR Sylvia makes a contest of eat. That which eats the most wing of chicken to be gained. SYLVIA: And you call yourself a man of fire! GIRLS: Ha ha ha! SPORTS BAR WAITRESS: It's about time someone gave those firemen a run for their money. Hey, how'd it go with that cute guy last night? The guy. The guy you were making out with. HALEY: Wait, was it...was it Dave Navarro? WAITRESS: No. No, it wasn't Dave Navarro. BROOKE: No. No, I wasn't making out with a guy. I'm engaged. WAITRESS: I know. I remember. You said it like a million times. But I thought you were joking because of the toy ring you were wearing. BROOKE: What did I do? They join by Alex, Millie, Quinn and the dog. HALEY: Thank God. Please tell me you guys have good news. QUINN: It's kind of one of those good-news-bad-news things. But the good news is we found out where the bulldog came from. HALEY: Okay, what's the bad news? QUINN: What was Nathan's Professor's name again? HALEY: August Kellerman? Why? This...this has to be a joke. "Dogust"?! ALEX: Maybe Nathan can return him for extra credit. BROOKE: Okay, I take it no one found my ring. It's not gonna matter anyway. Julian's not gonna want to marry me after he finds out that I made out with someone last night. That...that helps. Thanks. I'm gonna walk home. I need to figure out what to say to him. HALEY: Come on, Dogust. Let's get you home. Come on. (The dog ate the plastic ring) ALEX: Did you just see that? QUINN: Oh, no! STREET Brooke walks with Sylvia. SYLVIA: Maybe this isn't the right time, but I want to say thank you. BROOKE: For what? SYLVIA: For last night. I have never won anything before. I'm serious. I know it may just be a small-town "wall of flame," but...I'm a champion. BROOKE: What am I gonna do, Sylvia? SYLVIA: Just be honest with Julian. He can be very forgiving. Trust me. I know. BROOKE: Please stop reminding me of how wonderful he is. I finally found the perfect guy, and I screwed it up. SYLVIA: Brooke, isn't Clothes Over Bros closed? BROOKE: Yes. Thank you for reminding me of another thing I've lost. SYLVIA: No. Brooke... (She sees Dave Navarro in the store) CLOTHES OVER BROS Dave Navarro cleaned up the store. DAVE: Hey! My shirt! Nice. And my Brooke. BROOKE: What...Are you doing here, Dave Navarro? DAVE: You...Locked me in? Well, don't play dumb. It's not the first time that groupies have kidnapped me. SYLVIA: Oh, no, I am no groupie. DAVE: Oh, yeah? Nice shirt. SYLVIA: Well, at least I don't wear my own band's t-shirt. DAVE: Honey, it was the only clean thing left on the bus, but, uh, it looks great on you. Why don't you hang on to that, huh? SYLVIA: Oh, thanks. DAVE: Hey, where's that other chick that I nailed? I want to apologize to her for the black eye. Okay. Well, this has been fun. This has been fun. But, uh, I got a show I got to get to, you two. All right? Take care, sweetie. BROOKE: Uh, actually... SYLVIA: Uh, no, no, no, no. Let it go. Let it go. He'll figure it out. DAVE: Oh, and, Brooke... By the way, you were amazing. I can't remember the last time I busted through that many condoms in one night. BIG HOUSE Alex gave drugs so that Dogust makes excrement. QUINN: Hey, how many did you give him again? ALEX: Should be any time now. HALEY: So, who wants to be the lucky lady? ALEX: No. HALEY: Millie? MILLICENT: Just call me "Boots." Apparently, that's my new name. I wish I knew why. HALEY: You know that cowboy bar with the mechanical bull? They've got a pretty crazy drink special. MILLICENT: The one where they drink out of that disgusting boot? What? Wait. Ew! ALEX: Why does every party I go to end like this? CLOTHES OVER BROS Sylvia finishes to clean up. BROOKE: I was worried Julian would call off the wedding when he found out I kissed someone. Now he's definitely calling it off. SYLVIA: It's gonna be fine. Hey, I made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I managed to get past all of them. I know a way that you can get through this. Don't tell him. BROOKE: Sylvia, marriage is about loving someone for who they are and accepting them for their mistakes. He deserves the truth. SYLVIA: Brooke, look what I found. BROOKE: A water balloon is not gonna cheer me up right now. SYLVIA: What about a water condom? FLASHBACK, ROOF OF CLOTHES OVER BROS Girls and Dave have fun with launching water condom. ALEX: Look. I'm Mia. QUINN: I'm me after being shot! ALEX: Oh, my God! DAVE: Nailed you! QUINN: Right in the eye! DAVE: This is the best night ever! ROOF OF CLOTHES OVER BROS BROOKE: Oh! Oh! SYLVIA: Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! BROOKE: I knew nothing happened with Dave Navarro. SYLVIA: Ohh, me too. BROOKE: Still doesn't change the fact that I kissed someone. SYLVIA: Everything's gonna work out, Brooke. Haven't you ever forgiven somebody for a kiss? BROOKE: Well, I forgave Lucas when he kissed Peyton, but I never forgot it. SYLVIA: Has everyone dated this Lucas character? BROOKE: It was High School. SYLVIA: In a small town. Yep, and that is another reason that Julian should move back to L.A. FLASHBACK, ROOF OF CLOTHES OVER BROS Brooke discusses with Sylvia. BROOKE: Sylvia, have you been trying to convince Julian to move back to L.A.? SYLVIA: Well, his life is there. BROOKE: But what about me? SYLVIA: That's a typical response from a girl like you. BROOKE: A girl like me? SYLVIA: Yeah, you're selfish. It had to be said. BROOKE: Oh. Okay. Something else that needs to be said, you smother him. SYLVIA: I do not smother him. BROOKE: You showed up here unannounced and then tried to bully your way into our wedding. SYLVIA: All right, you know what? I don't have to listen to this anymore. And I'm not gonna let some high-maintenance brat like you marry my son. BROOKE: Wake up, Sylvia! It's not up to you! If you'd stop drinking for five seconds, you would realize that your son is a grown man! Stop treating him like a child! SYLVIA: I do not! He does whatever he wants to do! BROOKE: Really? I have two words for you, dog costume! It's no wonder Julian moved away from L.A. BROOKE: No, he just came to be with a girl who can't even give him a family. ROOF OF CLOTHES OVER BROS BROOKE: I would give anything to give Julian a family. SYLVIA: I better go. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley comes with the dog. NATHAN: Hey. How deep did they go last night? HALEY: Deep. NATHAN: Nice. What's the craziest thing that happened? HALEY: Um, well, they...they kind of met Kellerman, and brought him home with them. NATHAN: August Kellerman? HALEY: No. Dogust Kellerman. NATHAN: Do I even want to know? HALEY: Just say you found him on campus? KELLERMAN'S HOUSE Nathan brings back the dog to its owner. KELLERMAN: Dogust! Oh-oh. Come on, boy. Yeah! Who misses who? Come on, big dog. Yeah, come on! Come on. Come on. Yeah. How you doing? How you doing? I missed you. Yeah. Yeah. Who's that guy? Who's that big man, huh? Vandalism. Theft. I could have you arrested, Scott. NATHAN: I don't think so. We have a binding contract. No questions asked. And according to what you wrote in Chapter 11 on moral conduct, the best thing for you to do in this situation is to say "thank you." It's not bad for an uneducated jock, huh? See you in class, Kellerman. KELLERMAN: Come on, Dogust. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke backs to go home. JULIAN: Don't tell me your night is just now ending. BROOKE: What happens at a bachelorette party... JULIAN: Oh, wait, wait. I thought that stupid rule never applies. How was girl bonding time with my mom? BROOKE: We got into a fight. JULIAN: Oh, I'm sure it was just the alcohol talking. BROOKE: Well, the alcohol said some really mean things. JULIAN: She doesn't mean it. BROOKE: I said some pretty mean things, too. JULIAN: Don't worry about it. You'll...you'll work it out at the rehearsal dinner, okay? BROOKE: We might not need the rehearsal dinner anymore. I don't deserve you, Julian. I did something horrible. Well Two things. I lost my engagement ring and I kissed some guy. I promise you it will never happen again, and it didn't mean anything. I-I don't even remember who he was. JULIAN: I do. FLASHBACK, SPORTS BAR Julian joins Brooke in this bar. BROOKE: Hi! Baby! JULIAN: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hi. So, what was so important that I had to come all the way down here? BROOKE: Well, I was looking at this earlier, and I realized I needed to tell you something right away. I love you. I mean, I really, really love you. JULIAN: Mm. Mm! Uh-oh. Oh, my. I'm gonna hold on to this for you. BROOKE: No. JULIAN: Mm-hmm. BROOKE: I feel so naked. You should get naked. JULIAN: No. BROOKE: Yeah. Take it off. JULIAN: No, no, no. Hold on, hold on. Stop. BROOKE: Yes! I'll marry you. I love you. (They kiss) BRULIAN'S HOUSE Julian gives the ring at Brooke. BROOKE: We have literally been looking everywhere for this. JULIAN: Well, it's where it belongs now. BROOKE: Oh. JULIAN: Now, go get ready for our rehearsal dinner so I can be one step closer to having you as my wife. BIG HOUSE Alex and Quinn clean up the house. ALEX: All right, everything's back to normal. Kinda like nothing even happened last night. QUINN: Yeah, kinda. ALEX: That. Yeah, ow. Today was fun. I like you guys. Even though I have to invite myself to things. QUINN: That's not true. ALEX: I know Brooke only let me tag along because I got the suite. QUINN: That might be true. ALEX: But I don't care. I like being around real friends...Even if I'm not one of them. QUINN: Well, you are to me. So sit down, and let's fix your...Eye situation. ALEX: Oh, no. It really hurts. CHURCH Julian and Haley take along Brooke to see preparations. BROOKE: Let me see. JULIAN: Unh-unh. This is it. BROOKE: White roses. When did you do all of this? HALEY: Actually, Julian and I worked on it last night while you were doing whatever you were doing. JULIAN: Mm-hmm. BROOKE: Julian had it the whole time. HALEY: Ohh. BROOKE: This is how you spent your last night of freedom? JULIAN: You're only getting married once, Brooke. I wanted it to be perfect. BROOKE: It is. Unbelievably perfect. How did you know all of this, though? HALEY: Um, I may have forgotten to throw away your wedding book and just sent it to Sylvia instead. BROOKE: Sylvia helped? HALEY: Yes, and not only did she pay for the whole thing, but she's been working nonstop ever since I gave her that wedding book. BROOKE: Hang on. Brooke joins Sylvia. BROOKE: I can't believe you managed to do all of this without me knowing. SYLVIA: Well, you wouldn't have let me, otherwise. BROOKE: Probably not. You did all this for me? SYLVIA: I did this for the girl my son loves. BROOKE: I'm sorry about what I said. SYLVIA: No, you were right. I've been so busy trying to hold on to the past that I miss everything around me. Like you. What you said today at clothes over bros, that really got to me. I can see why Julian loves you so much. And I am sorry, too. BROOKE: It's okay. SYLVIA: You had better go find Haley. It's time for rehearsal. BROOKE: Sylvia? SYLVIA: Yeah? BROOKE: What happened with Melissa, your best friend? SYLVIA: Oh, we're still...Friends. Uh... She moved away, she started a family, and we just drifted apart. Like I said, you can't live in the past. Brooke goes to talk with Haley. BROOKE: Baby Sawyer's sick. HALEY: Peyton's not coming? I'm so sorry, Brooke. BROOKE: I understand. But I miss her. HALEY: Are you okay? BROOKE: Yeah. What you did in here... It's amazing, Haley. Nobody's ever done anything like this for me before. It's funny. Peyton used to say, people always leave. But when they did, I was always the one who was here for her. This year has been the hardest of my life, and you know who was always here for me, no matter what? My maid of honor. HALEY: Me? BROOKE: Say you'll do it. HALEY: I would be honored, Brooke. BROOKE: Thank you. End of the episode.

Plan: A: her bachelorette party; Q: What was Brooke doing the night before? A: The Hangover; Q: What movie is this episode a tribute to? A: Azure Ray; Q: What band is the episode named after? Summary: After a wild night out on the town for her bachelorette party, Brooke and the girls try to piece together the night before amidst the wreckage of the day after. This episode is a tribute to The Hangover. This episode is named after a song by Azure Ray . Opening theme song performed by Tegan and Sara .

COLONY IN SPACE BY: MALCOLM HULKE 6:10pm - 6:35pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: SPACE (A multitude of planets and stars hang in the blackness of space...) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. TIME LORD PLANET. CHAMBER (Three TIME LORDS confer in a small chamber. The image of space appears on a screen that dominates one wall. The image focuses in on one grey planet.) FIRST TIME LORD: You are sure the Master knows? SECOND TIME LORD: The report on the Doomsday weapon is missing from our files. Only he could have taken it. FIRST TIME LORD: Then we can use the Doctor to deal with this problem. THIRD TIME LORD: The Doctor resents his exile bitterly. Do you think he'll co-operate with us? SECOND TIME LORD: I doubt it. We immobilized his TARDIS, took away his freedom to move in space and time. FIRST TIME LORD: Then we must restore his freedom... (An image of the DOCTOR now appears on the screen.) FIRST TIME LORD: ...as long as it serves our purpose. (He walks off...) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. UNIT HQ. LABORATORY (At a lab bench, the DOCTOR picks up the dematerialization circuit from the TARDIS and, wearing a jewelers eyeglass, starts to make adjustments to it. A bored JO watches.) JO: Doctor, why don't you give up? You've been working on that thing for simply ages. DOCTOR: You know I can't give up, Jo. It's far too important. (The door to the lab opens and the BRIGADIER walks in, carrying a clipboard.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Still at it, Doctor? (The DOCTOR looks up.) DOCTOR: Now don't you start! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: The latest field reports are in. Still no trace of the Master. DOCTOR: Well, I didn't expect there would be. No, his TARDIS is working again now. He could be anywhere in space and time. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, that's as maybe, Doctor, but I've got to keep on looking. DOCTOR: You're wasting your time, Brigadier. (He returns to his task. The phone in the lab rings and JO answers it.) JO: (Into phone.) Hello, Laboratory? (She listens.) Yes, he's here. (To the BRIGADIER.) Brigadier? (The BRIGADIER looks up.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Oh, thank you. (He comes and takes the phone off her.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) Lethbridge Stewart? (He listens.) Right. Send him into my office. (He puts the phone down and turns to the DOCTOR.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: One of my agents thinks he's picked up a trace of the Master. (The DOCTOR continues his work...) DOCTOR: (Acidly.) Your agents are always picking up traces of the Master! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Coldly.) This agent happens to be particularly reliable, Doctor. I'll let you what he says... (He goes to the door...) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: ...if you're interested. (...and leaves the lab. The DOCTOR looks up at a smiling JO.) JO: Ah, now you've offended him! DOCTOR: Well! Well, look what happened last time. The man they arrested turned out to be the Spanish ambassador! (They both laugh. The DOCTOR takes a last look at the circuit through his eyeglass.) DOCTOR: Well, there you are. That's done it. JO: Done what? DOCTOR: I've made myself a completely new dematerialization circuit. One that'll bypass the Time Lords homing control - I hope. JO: You don't seriously think you'll get that thing working again, do you? DOCTOR: (Sarcastically.) Oh no! No, I've been doing all this work for fun! (He gets up and heads for the TARDIS, which sits in a corner of the lab. JO follows.) JO: I mean it's just a sort of hobby isn't it? A kind of game? DOCTOR: A game? JO: Well, what have you got in there anyway - a policeman? (The DOCTOR opens the door and gestures.) DOCTOR: Why not step inside and see for yourself? (Somewhat hesitantly, JO enters the TARDIS for the first time. The DOCTOR watches and then follows.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (Like many before her, JO looks round her surroundings in amazement.) JO: I don't believe it! It's bigger inside than out! DOCTOR: Yes, that's because the TARDIS is dimensionally transcendental. JO: What does that mean? DOCTOR: It means that it's bigger inside than out! (He lifts up a boxed panel on the console.) DOCTOR: Now then... (He starts to insert his new dematerialization circuit. Meanwhile, the doors to the TARDIS silently close. Back at the console, the DOCTOR rubs his hands with glee, but before he can touch the console, it springs into life, the central column rising and falling of its own accord.) DOCTOR: That's impossible! JO: The doors have closed. DOCTOR: What? (He checks a control.) JO: (Impatiently.) Doctor; let me out of here. DOCTOR: Well, I can't, Jo! I think we're taking off! JO: Well, stop it! (He looks over the console.) DOCTOR: Well, I'm trying to. Something's operating it by remote control! (The familiar sound of dematerialization echoes through the room. The DOCTOR suddenly realizes who lies behind these events...) DOCTOR: The Time Lords! [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. UNIT HQ. LABORATORY (The BRIGADIER enters the lab.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I'm afraid you were right, Doctor. Another dead end and we... (He watches as the TARDIS disappears in an instant. He steps over to the space once occupied by the police box. ) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Doctor...come back at once! [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (JO is starting to get nervous...) JO: All right, Doctor. The joke's over. Open the doors and let me out? (The DOCTOR walks over to her.) DOCTOR: I can't, Jo. We've taken off. JO: All right then, where are we? DOCTOR: At the moment we're nowhere. JO: Oh, don't be silly - we can't be nowhere. DOCTOR: We're outside the space-time continuum. JO: (Amazed.) What? (The DOCTOR presses a control and points to the scanner.) DOCTOR: Look. (A series of multi-colored spinning lines appear.) JO: What's happening? Where are we going? DOCTOR: I've no idea. We'll just have to wait until we emerge. (The patterns fade and are replaced by the same image of a planet that appeared on the TIME LORD'S monitor.) DOCTOR: The planet Uxarieus! So that's our destination... JO: (Nervous.) Very impressive...but can we go back to Earth now, please? DOCTOR: I don't know, Jo. (The image of the planet grows larger.) DOCTOR: I just don't know. [SCENE_BREAK] 7: EXT. UXARIEUS (A cold grey drab world. The wind, up until now the only sound, is interrupted by a mechanical whine as a ROBOT travels across the surface. Built like a small tank, a digger-like arm is attached to the top of the machine and can swing round 360 degrees. The arm drops down and scans the ground and then the ROBOT moves on. After it has gone, the TARDIS materializes in a split instant.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (JO walks over to the scanner and looks at the picture of their landing site.) JO: Is that supposed to be where we are? DOCTOR: That is where we are. JO: All right then, if we've landed on another planet, why don't you open the doors. DOCTOR: Because the atmosphere out there might be poisonous, that's why. I'll just check. (He goes over to the console and starts looking over the readings.) JO: And is it? DOCTOR: Is it what? JO: Is the atmosphere poisonous? DOCTOR: No, no, it's quite healthy. Similar to Earth before the invention of the motor car. JO: Look Doctor, are you going to open the doors or not? DOCTOR: Well, I can but try. (He presses a switch. Next to JO, the doors swing open. Outside of her line of vision is the landscape of Uxarieus.) JO: Thank you. (She walks round the edge of the door and stops in amazement at the sight of the planet.) JO: (Shocked.) Doctor! DOCTOR: That's an alien world out there, Jo. Think of it. JO: (Scared.) I don't want to think of it! (She runs back to the DOCTOR.) JO: I want to go back to Earth! DOCTOR: Look, do you realize how long I've been confined to one planet? JO: All that talk of yours about traveling in time and space - it was true! DOCTOR: Well, of course it was true! Before I was stranded on Earth, I spent all my time exploring new worlds and seeking the wonders of the universe. JO: But you don't know what's out there! DOCTOR: Then let's find out! Don't you want to set foot in another world? JO: Well, yes, I do but I... DOCTOR: (Interrupting.) Good! (He leaves the dumbstruck girl and walks round the console to where his cloak has been lying. He picks it up and puts it on.) DOCTOR: Come on. We'll just take a quick look around...and then I'll try and get you back to Earth, all right? (As he puts his gloves on, JO summons up her courage.) JO: All right. (The DOCTOR leads her outside.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: EXT. UXARIEUS (They step outside and gaze around. Almost immediately, JO spots something.) JO: Look... (They walk over and she picks up a long stemmed flower that has a blue bulb and red and blue petals.) JO: It's got different colored petals. DOCTOR: Mmm. (The DOCTOR, uninterested, sees something of more interest and moves off. JO follows. After they have gone, a figure rises from behind some rocks. Almost naked and dressed in a loincloth, its skin is mostly green veined. It has long straggly hair and wears strange jewellery. Its face is crude and misshapen with large black eyes and it carries a spear. JO, still holding the flower, catches up with the DOCTOR who follows the line of the ROBOT in the ground.) JO: What are they? DOCTOR: Well, tracks made by some sort of machine. This planet must be inhabited after all. (He points towards a ridge.) DOCTOR: I think we'd get a better view from up there. (He starts to set off but sees that JO isn't moving.) DOCTOR: Come on, what are you waiting for? JO: I feel a bit scared. DOCTOR: Come on, Jo. Nothing to worry about. (He takes her by the hand and leads her away. Behind them, the PRIMITIVE walks up toward the TARDIS and starts to examine the object. Meanwhile, JO sees a dome and a rocket on top of the ridge.) JO: Those things up there? DOCTOR: Like some sort of prefabricated dwellings. (He points in a different direction.) DOCTOR: Well look, there's another one - a small one, up there. Let's go and take a look at them. JO: Oh no, you don't! Let's get back to the TARDIS. DOCTOR: Yes, all right. But, erm... (He nods towards the ground.) DOCTOR: Do you mind if I take a look at that rock first? It's rather unusual. (They bend down and start examining the ground. The DOCTOR picks up the rock and starts to look at it in detail but something distracts JO and she looks behind her. Her eyes open wide in alarm.) JO: (Nervously.) Doctor? Doctor? (A man, bearded and somewhat bedraggled is pointing a shotgun at them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. MAIN DOME. ASHE'S OFFICE (In the dome at the top of the ridge, a confrontation is taking place. A colonist - MARTIN - and his wife are speaking firmly with the leader of the group - ASHE. The men wear overalls and have a somewhat unkempt and bearded look. The look of the dome is functional and utilitarian. ASHE sits as an old-fashioned wooden desk, which has various ledgers and a photograph of a woman on it. Also in the office is WINTON, a younger blond haired intense man. Another male colonist watches.) MARTIN: Listen, Ashe, I saw those creatures. We both did. ASHE: I surveyed this planet myself before the colony was set up. MARTIN: Well, you didn't do much of a job. ASHE: And all the time we've been here, there's been no trace of any hostile animal life. MARTIN: Well, there is now! MRS. MARTIN: We heard this roaring in the middle of the night. When we looked out, there it was. (WINTON steps forward.) WINTON: What did it look like? MARTIN: It was enormous - some kind of giant lizard. ASHE: You must have been having nightmares! WINTON: Did it do any damage? MARTIN: No, I fired a few shots and frightened it off. ASHE: Well, exactly. All right, Martin. (To WINTON.) David, how many men have you got to spare? WINTON: About six. ASHE: Well, go over to Martin's dome and have a look - just in case. WINTON: Very well. (ASHE walks out...) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. MAIN DOME. ENTRANCE HALL (...and into the main part of the hall. The functional - almost factory-like look continues here. A metal staircase goes up to a higher level. As ASHE walks through, their captor - LEESON and his wife, JANE, leads the DOCTOR and JO into the dome from the front entranceway.) ASHE: What the...? Leeson, who's this? DOCTOR: (To ASHE.) How do you do? Well, I must say this is most impressive. LEESON: (To ASHE.) We found these two in sector twenty-seven. They say they're explorers. ASHE: Where do they come from? DOCTOR: Err, we come from Earth. LEESON: They were examining rock samples. They're mineralogists. It was bound to happen! DOCTOR: Look, we are not mineralogists. And even if we were, why all the hostility? It's a respectable profession. LEESON: Because we don't want our planet gutted! This is our world! You've no right to be here! DOCTOR: Look, we've as much right to be here as anybody else. ASHE: This planet has been classified as suitable for colonization. Once your big mining combines move in, you'll reduce it to a galactic slagheap! DOCTOR: Haven't you got laws to deal with this kind of thing? LEESON: (Laughs.) Yes, there are laws. We complain to Earth's government just like all the others. By the time you get a final decision, the planet's useless. DOCTOR: I see. Yes well, I can sympathize with you gentlemen but I can assure you that I'm not working for anybody. (The DOCTOR starts to examine a wall chart.) ASHE: Then just why have you come here? DOCTOR: Pure chance. My spaceship developed a fault. We had to land somewhere. ASHE: Can you show me your papers? (The DOCTOR turns round in some embarrassment.) DOCTOR: Err, papers? Err, no, err, th...erm, they're back in my spaceship, if you'd like to come back there with me... ASHE: (Interrupting.) I think it would be better if you spent the night here. We'll go to your spaceship in the morning. JO: Oh, we don't want to put you to any trouble. ASHE: I'd rather you did as I say. Jane? JANE LEESON: Yes, John? ASHE: Show our two..."guests" to the dining area. We'll fix up your sleeping accommodation later. (JANE LEESON guides JO over to the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: (To JO.) Yes, go with them. It's all right, Jo. I'll join you later. JO: All right. JANE LEESON: (To JO.) This way. (They move off. The DOCTOR continues to examine the wall chart, which shows a series of graphs. LEESON sees this and angrily rushes over.) LEESON: What do you think you're up to! (The DOCTOR spins round and, with a cry puts an Akido pressure point hold on LEESON'S chest. The man drops his gun. The DOCTOR releases him and calmly turns to ASHE.) DOCTOR: These are your crop records, I take it? ASHE: That's right, but I...really don't see what it has to do with you. DOCTOR: It's a very poor showing, isn't it? Are you operating above subsistence level? LEESON: We're surviving! Come on! ASHE: No, no, just a minute. I'd like to hear what he has to say. DOCTOR: Unless I'm very much mistaken, you've got far more to worry about that mineralogist. ASHE: (Quietly.) Just what do you mean by that? DOCTOR: Unless things improve radically, you're in grave danger of starving to death... (A look, half-guilt, half-denial, appears on ASHE'S face.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: EXT. UXARIEUS (The TARDIS topples onto its side. Both pushed and pulled by four primitives, it is taken away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. MAIN DOME. DINING HALL (The colonists sit in a bare dining hall. There are several sets of tables and MARTIN and his wife sit at one with two other colonists. They eat soup out of bowls.) MARTIN: I don't care what Ashe says, we say it, didn't we? MRS. MARTIN: I'm sure Ashe believes you. (JANE shows JO in.) JANE LEESON: You can sit where you like. (Back at the table...) MARTIN: Ah, he thinks we're seeing things. You two had better watch out. It could be you next. MRS. MARTIN: Ashe will take care of things. (Meanwhile, JO sits as JANE starts to pour some of the soup for her.) JO: Is that the first course? JANE LEESON: It's the only course. (She passes the bowl to JO.) JANE LEESON: Supplies are getting a bit low. MRS. MARTIN: (At the other table.) ... bound to be difficult. JO: (To JANE.) It's very nice. Thank you. JANE LEESON: I'd better get back to my husband. (Back at the table...) MRS. MARTIN: At least it's better than being back on Earth. MARTIN: Oh, I don't know - things weren't so bad there. MRS. MARTIN: Weren't they. No room to move? Polluted air? Not a blade of grass left on the planet, and a government that locks you up if you think for yourself. MARTIN: At least they fed you - this isn't exactly the Garden of Eden. And Ashe said we could make it further. (WINTON walks in with a shotgun and goes up to them.) WINTON: Are you ready, Martin? We're going to look for your monsters. Let's hope we find something. MARTIN: You may be sorry if you do. WINTON: Oh, we can skin it and you can use it for a rug. (MARTIN and his wife pick up their shotguns and leave with WINTON. A longhaired young girl walks in and starts to ladle out some soup for herself. JO watches her. The young girl turns to the tables, sees JO and joins her with a smile.) MARY ASHE: Hello! JO: Hello. MARY ASHE: I'm Mary Ashe. My father told me about you. JO: Jo Grant, how do you do? (They shake hands. MARY looks over JO'S purple striped top and dark trousers.) MARY ASHE: Is that what they're wearing on Earth now? JO: More or less... MARY ASHE: It was all quite different when we left back in '71. JO: (Smiles.) You left in 1971? MARY ASHE: No, 2471! (JO'S face is a picture...) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. LEESON'S DOME (NIGHT) (JANE LEESON reaches up to a calendar on the wall of their dome. She tears off the front sheet, which reads "MON, 2, MARCH 2472" and throws it in a bin. Like the main dome, the LEESON'S dwelling is functional rather than comfortable. There is a radio set to the right hand side and the door leading to the outside to the left. JANE goes over to one wall and pulls down a camp bed as her husband enters with his shotgun. There is a sour expression on his face. He sits down as JANE shuts the door.) LEESON: I've been checking the northern sector. JANE LEESON: How's it going? LEESON: It isn't. These cover crops won't even start to grow. JANE LEESON: What about the other sectors? LEESON: Huh! It's even worse. JANE LEESON: Never mind, my dear. (She puts her hands on his shoulders and kisses his head. She then goes over to a machine, which she operates. It starts to dispense drinks.) LEESON: We should never have come here. JANE LEESON: We didn't even have a room of our own on Earth. Now, we've got land. (She pulls out two cups and takes one over to him, sitting on a chair near to him.) LEESON: What's the point of owning land if it won't grow a decent crop? JANE LEESON: Ashe is working on it. LEESON: Ashe knows we're beaten. He just won't admit it. Anyway, probably doesn't matter anymore. JANE LEESON: What do you mean? LEESON: Those people that I found this morning - suppose they are spies for one of the big mining combines. JANE LEESON: You seemed to believe what they say. (From outside, there is suddenly a faint sound like the roar of an animal.) JANE LEESON: What was that? LEESON: I don't know. (They listen but there is silence.) LEESON: Must have been the wind. JANE LEESON: Even if the mining combines do come, they can't drive us out. We were here first. LEESON: Oh, can't they? It's happened before. (There is another louder roar. LEESON jumps to his feet and runs outside.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: EXT. LEESON'S DOME (NIGHT) (Outside, in the darkness, a gigantic lizard looms over them. LEESON runs back in the dome.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. LEESON'S DOME (NIGHT) LEESON: Get on the radio! (She runs to her set as he picks up his shotgun.) JANE LEESON: Don't go out there! LEESON: Maybe I can drive it off. (Having loaded some bullets he runs back outside as JANE makes a call over the radio...) JANE LEESON: (Into radio.) Hello? Main dome - can you hear me?! (There is a shot outside. JANE looks round briefly and then turns back to the radio.) JANE LEESON: (Into radio.) Can you hear me?! MARY ASHE: (OOV: Over radio.) This is main dome. Please identify. JANE LEESON: (Into radio.) This is Jane Leeson. Our dome is being attacked. (Outside, the lizard continues to roar as two more shots are heard.) JANE LEESON: (Into radio.) Some kind of giant reptile! Please, you must send help! (There is another sound of two shots. JANE turns towards the main door. She gets nervously to her feet.) JANE LEESON: Who are you? What do you want? (She suddenly gives a cry and runs for another shotgun. She turns back to the intruder and sinks to her feet.) JANE LEESON: Go away! Go away! [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. MAIN DOME. ASHE'S OFFICE (NIGHT) (The DOCTOR is sat with ASHE in his office.) DOCTOR: See if I've got this right - you brought your colonists to this planet just over a year ago? ASHE: Yes. (The DOCTOR gets up and walks over to a wall map of the area.) DOCTOR: You set up your main dome here...with all your subsidiary domes around it. ASHE: That's right. I made a preliminary survey before I sent for the others. DOCTOR: And you were convinced that this planet was suitable for habitation, despite the exhaustion of the soil? ASHE: Well, worn out soil can be reclaimed, Doctor, as you well know. We should have had subsidence crops within the year. DOCTOR: Exactly - should have. ASHE: The cover crop refuses to grow! We plant it; it shoots up and then withers - again and again. There seems to be no reason for it. DOCTOR: Well, in theory, you should have a bumper crop by now. ASHE: I can't feed my people on theories, Doctor. DOCTOR: No, no, of course not. Well, in practical terms, what you must do is this... (The door bursts open and MARY and JO run in.) MARY ASHE: Jane Leeson's just radioed in! ASHE: Well, can't it wait? I'm very busy. MARY ASHE: She say's their dome's being attacked! ASHE: Attacked? MARY ASHE: By some kind of giant reptile! JO: I heard it too - she sounded terrified! MARY ASHE: The radio cut out while she was still talking. DOCTOR: But didn't you say you'd sent some men down there? (ASHE gets up.) ASHE: Yes, but to Martin's dome at the other end of the colony. (To MARY.) Look; get in touch with Winton. Tell him to get over to Leeson's dome as fast as he can. I'll join you there. (MARY runs out. ASHE starts to follow...) DOCTOR: I'll come with you, if I may. ASHE: Well, there's no need for you to get involved, Doctor. DOCTOR: Scientific curiosity, my dear chap. I find your planet most intriguing. ASHE: Very well, thank you. (They both go but JO chases after the DOCTOR.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. MAIN DOME. ENTRANCE HALL (NIGHT) JO: Doctor, I don't think you should go. It might be dangerous. DOCTOR: Jo, don't worry about me. I'll be careful. Now go and get some sleep. JO: Sleep! How do you expect me to s..? (The DOCTOR runs off after ASHE.) JO: Doctor! (She hears MARY back on the nearby radio.) MARY ASHE: (Into radio.) ... at Leeson's dome. I repeat - Leeson's dome. Do you read me? WINTON: (OOV: Over radio.) I read you. We're on our way. MARY ASHE: (Into radio.) Be careful. (She takes off the headset.) JO: How long did you say you'd been on this planet? MARY ASHE: Just over a year. JO: And you found no sign of these creatures then? MARY ASHE: There's no animal life. Just a few birds and insects. JO: Well, there is now. [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. LEESON'S DOME (NIGHT) (The DOCTOR and ASHE watch as WINTON supervises two colonists who take away JANE LEESON'S body on a covered stretcher. The inside of the dome has been ransacked. ASHE looks forlorn. WINTON closes the doors after the stretcher-bearers and goes over to ASHE. The DOCTOR examines the wrecked furniture.) WINTON: Robert, there's nothing you could have done. They were both dead when we got here. ASHE: Did you see the creatures? WINTON: We caught a glimpse of one as we arrived. Everyone blazed away like mad. DOCTOR: And what happened? WINTON: Nothing. It didn't even seem to notice. ASHE: You must have missed! WINTON: What - all of us? We tried to get in closer but it just...disappeared. Vanished into the darkness. ASHE: It'll be daylight soon. Perhaps we shall be able to pick up tracks or bloodstains. DOCTOR: I doubt it. (The DOCTOR is crouched on the floor looking at one particular piece of up-ended furniture.) DOCTOR: Come and take a look at these claw marks, gentlemen. (The two come over and join him.) ASHE: Well, what about them? DOCTOR: Are you trying to tell me these were made by a giant lizard, Winton? WINTON: Yes, it must have been a least twenty-foot high. (The DOCTOR stands.) DOCTOR: Twenty foot high? WINTON: Yes. DOCTOR: Well, will you kindly tell me how a creature twenty feet high came through that door? (He points to the small entrance to the dome. The two men look round.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. MAIN DOME. ENTRANCE HALL (The next morning, all the colonists are gathered in the entrance hall of the main dome in an angry meeting.) MARTIN: Why can't you admit defeat, Ashe? We've got to get back to Earth. ASHE: If we go back to Earth, we'll be worse off than we were before. All our savings have gone into this. WINTON: Then we must move on to another planet. If we stay here, we'll be dead! ASHE: I'm not sure that we can move on. Our spaceship was old when we bought it - it may not survive another trip. WINTON: Oh, Robert, why won't you admit your mistakes? ASHE: We've invested a year of our lives in this place. We've got the beginnings of a colony. WINTON: Our food stocks are getting lower all the time. We can't even support ourselves. ASHE: All right, we've got problems, but they can be overcome! (The DOCTOR steps through the group.) DOCTOR: Ashe is perfectly right. There is no reason why this planet should not support a thriving colony. MARTIN: (Sarcastically.) I suppose you're an expert in agriculture? DOCTOR: Yes, yes, as a matter of fact, I am. MARTIN: Then why won't my crops grow? DOCTOR: Because they are being inhibited by some unnatural force! We must track it down and overcome it. MARTIN: But two people have been killed, or have you forgotten that? ASHE: Killed by creatures that vanish without trace? WINTON: Look, we saw something! DOCTOR: Whatever it was you saw can be destroyed! ASHE: This colony is our only hope. If we leave it, we'll have nothing. If we stay, we may have a future. WINTON: Why won't you... MRS. MARTIN: (Interrupting.) He's right! We've put too much work into this place to leave. MARTIN: What if these animals attack again? MRS. MARTIN: We fight back. ASHE: Good! Now what about the rest of you? Are you willing to give it another try? (They all look at each other and mutter in the affirmative.) MARTIN: Well, if there really is a chance... ASHE: There is if we stick together! Now, what we've got to do is to organize patrols for the domes. The Doctor here will help us with... WINTON: (Interrupting.) Robert, wait! (He has seen MARY entering the dome, supporting a wounded ragged man. WINTON rushes to help her.) MARY ASHE: One of the patrols found him wandering in the south sector. (They all run to help.) ASHE: Get some water, somebody - quickly! (They ease the man to the floor and lean him against a wall. Somewhat emaciated and covered in cuts and tears to his clothing, he stares dully up at the watching people.) ASHE: Where are you from? (The man's eyes wander over the people.) ASHE: Can you understand what I say? (The man stares particularly at the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: (Gently.) It's all right, old chap, You're amongst friends now. (WINTON is handed a cup of water, which he holds to the man's lips. He drinks.) ASHE: Who are you? Where have you come from? (The man speaks.) NORTON: (Weakly.) Colony...come from colony... ASHE: What colony? NORTON: (Weakly.) Long way...from here. WINTON: Do you mean there's another colony on this planet? NORTON: (Weakly.) I've been wandering...long time...nine months. (WINTON gives him some more water.) WINTON: These other colonists - well where are they? (The man's eyes open in fear.) NORTON: (Weakly.) Dead...they're all dead...giant lizards! DOCTOR: (Puzzled.) Lizards? NORTON: (Weakly.) Came from nowhere...killed...everything. I'm the only one...left. (His eyes close...) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. LEESON'S DOME (Within the LEESON'S dome, two of the PRIMITIVES scavenge through the wreckage. One shows the other his find - the broken radio microphone - whilst the other holds up his treasure - a book. They suddenly flinch as they hear the voices of ASHE and the DOCTOR approaching.) ASHE: (OOV: Outside dome.) I hope you find what you're looking for, Doctor. DOCTOR: (OOV: Outside dome.) I only hope you're right. (One of the PRIMITIVES jumps back against the doorframe and pulls out a knife. The DOCTOR enters and the PRIMITIVE raises the knife. ASHE cries out...) ASHE: No! No, he is our friend. (The PRIMITIVE lowers the knife. ASHE points to the radio microphone in its other hand.) ASHE: Err, these are ours. You must leave them. (The PRIMITIVE moves over to the other side of the dome to replace the shattered microphone. The DOCTOR and ASHE watch.) DOCTOR: Do they have a language of their own? ASHE: I've never heard them speak but they seem to understand what I say. DOCTOR: Extraordinary. Must be some rudimentary telepathic ability. Are they friendly? ASHE: Depends on how you treat them. We had two colonists killed when we first moved here. (ASHE steps forward to speak to the PRIMITIVES.) ASHE: You...must go...now. (The two PRIMITIVES walk out. The DOCTOR starts to look over the dome himself.) ASHE: Just what are you looking for Doctor? DOCTOR: I've no idea. Possibly some evidence to convince your colonists to stay. ASHE: Yes, I thought I'd won them over until that man turned up. Now I don't know how long I can hold them. DOCTOR: Just play for time. ASHE: Yes. Well, I'd better get back there to see what's happening. Can you find your own way back? DOCTOR: Yes, oh yes, of course. ASHE: Right, I'll leave you to it then and...be careful. (He leaves. The DOCTOR takes a penknife and sample tube out of his pockets and starts to cut samples out of the table. He puts them in his sample tube and holds it up for examination. Suddenly he sees something in the doorway and jumps up. A ROBOT glides into the room. Marked with a logo that reads "IMC", it has two razor sharp metal diggers on the end of its two arms. It moves swiftly towards the DOCTOR who falls back against a wrecked table as the ROBOT looms over him...)

Plan: A: The Time Lords; Q: Who takes control of the TARDIS? A: Jo; Q: Who is the Doctor's companion in this episode? A: the 25th Century; Q: What century is the Earth Colony in? A: a ruthless mining company; Q: Who is using a dinosaur-like creature to force the colonists to leave the planet? A: The Master; Q: Who is on the planet and is in search of a doomsday weapon? Summary: The Time Lords takes control of the TARDIS and the Doctor and Jo arrive on a Earth Colony in the 25th Century, where a ruthless mining company are using a dinosaur-like creature to force the colonists to leave the planet. Where the Doctor and Jo learn that The Master is on the planet and is in search of a doomsday weapon that is hidden somewhere on the planet.

Flashback - Jazz Club, 1919 [A Jazz number plays at a local club everyone is united enjoying themselves as people dance, sing, laugh, mingle and drink. At the bar Elijah, Lana, and Klaus turn to observe the scene before them] Klaus: Well this is a first. Werewolves, vampires, witches and dirty cops. [glances at a group of cops toasting their glasses together and drinking to the occasion] All happy as clams and drunk as stoats. [Klaus smiles as Elijah orders three shots] Lana: You gotta love this city. Elijah: To a new era! Collaboration in the face of Prohibition. Lana: To your docks, their booze, and our theatres to hide it under. You're welcome, boys. [They happily toast their glasses together and drink] Klaus: [smirks] Now, I shall have to think of a way to thank you personally, in a manner befitting a werewolf queen. Lana: [strokes Klaus' face affectionately] Catch you on the dance floor. [She walks past him and heads into the crowd] Elijah: Who would have thought it possible, the unification of New Orleans? [Klaus playfully grips Elijah's shoulders] Klaus: We did it, brother. [Elijah puts his arm around his brother's shoulder and whirls him around to overlook the scene before him] Elijah: Oh, certainly, we worked together, Niklaus. But this vision? This was all you. END FLASHBACK Present Day - Compound, Klaus' Bedroom [Klaus lies in bed shirtless; his eyes closed and gasping as Elijah watches] Elijah: [to Klaus] This was all you. [Cami rushes into the compound in a hurry. The other vampires glance at her, confused by her presence] Vampire: What's she doing here? Elijah: [calls out to Cami] Camille! [gestures for her to enter the room] Please. Cami: Why did you call me? Have you found a way to help my uncle? Elijah: I can try, but first, I need your help. Cami: I don't have time for games, Elijah. The hex on him is getting worse by the day. Elijah: My brother has a mystical torture device buried in his chest, and the mother of his child is inexplicably missing. So, I can assure you, I have no time to play any games, either. Cami: [face grows serious] What do you need me to do? [The scene changes. Now, they are in Klaus' bedroom] Cami: The dagger the witch gave me is inside of him? [Elijah removes his jacket and rolls up his sleeve] Elijah: And every second it remains causes Niklaus untold suffering. Cami: Who stabbed him? Elijah: I did, and now I intend to remove it. You might want to take a step back. Cami: [shocked and confused] Why am I here? Elijah: Because of all the people that could be here, you're probably the only one he wouldn't immediately slaughter. [He uses a scapel to slice into him along the red scar on his stomach] Also, he speaks of you [He plunges his hand into Klaus' chest] with what is a rare degree--for him, at least--of respect. I can see you challenge him to see himself and others in a new light [He finally pulls the knife out of Klaus' chest, and he groans] Klaus: [in agony] AGH! Elijah: A wonderful skill that I shall be counting on very shortly. You see, Niklaus will be weak as he recovers. So, watch over him and feed him, if you would. But slowly, please, and from your wrist. Cami: Don't you guys have bags of blood in storage? Elijah: We do, but your blood is laced with vervain. So, it will burn him. He'll ingest it slower. Perhaps you could use the time constructively, persuade him not to murder his baby sister. [to Klaus] Niklaus, It was not my desire to bring you pain, but I will not see you hurt Rebekah. [to Cami] Now, I fear Sabine may be making a final move against us. I intend to find her and to end this. Klaus: [whispers weakly] Elijah. You will pay for this. [Celeste (still in Sabine's body) has her hands tied in front of her as she leans back against a tree. Hayley and Eve stand in front of her, guns aimed at her, while the rest of their clan, stuck in wolf form, surrounds her.] Sabine: [frustrated] So what's this, payback? Look. I'm sorry I tricked you. I wasn't after you. Eve: What, and we were just collateral damage? You almost burned her and Jackson alive in that plantation fire. [Sabine struggles against the ropes to free herself as Hayley fires the gun] Hayley: [shoots a warning shot near Celeste] Careful, Sabine, or Celeste or whatever you like to call yourself. Sudden moves make me jumpy. [she cocks the gun again] And homicidal. Sabine: What, you're gonna kill me, honey? Hayley: No. I know better. [the wolves growl behind her] See, I know all about you. I know that you like to off yourself and then jump into other people's bodies. Well, that's not gonna happen here. I know I can't kill you, but try hexing me, and my friend Eve here will kneecap you. Go for her, and then, well, I'll really make it hurt. Sabine: So, what do you want? Hayley: Back in the 90's, you inhabited a witch named Brynne Deveraux, remember? Marcel had her, you, put a curse on a lot of werewolves so they'd only turn human on a full moon. Sabine: I see. Yes. That was me.Let me guess. You want revenge. Hayley: I want you to undo the curse. [Sabine smiles smugly] [Cami sits by Klaus bedside] Cami: Wow, things I never thought I'd be doing- Feeding a vampire. My 16-year-old self would think I'm really cool right now. [she offers her wrist to him and he drinks quickly] Klaus: Mmm. Cami: Ah! Slow down. Klaus: Okay. Cami: Doesn't the vervain burn? Klaus: [releases her arm] As you may have yet to realize, Cami, the line between what brings us pain and what sustains us is far thinner than one imagines. Cami: You talking about my blood or your need to hunt down the people you love most? Klaus: I'm too weak for one of your talks right now. Cami: She's your sister. How can you hate her? Klaus: Because she has done what no one else has managed to do to me for 1,000 years...Rip my heart out. Flashback - Jazz Club, 1919 [Rebekah and Marcel walk into the Jazz Club and approach the bar together as Elijah and Klaus watch from a nearby table] Klaus: Look at these two pretending to be apart while so clearly a pair. [He stands up but Elijah puts his hand on his arm to stop him from making a scene] Elijah: Niklaus, not now. Why must you cause trouble? [He finishes; Klaus two glasses off the table and clinks them together to get everyone's attention; he raises his hand and the band stops playing] Klaus: I'd like to take this opportunity to draw attention to two people who have been sneaking around behind my back together. As we move into a new era, we require more progressive attitudes to match. So, to my loving sister and my right-hand man and best friend Marcel, may they find joy in each other. [Everyone drinks; Marcel and Rebekah are equally startled by Klaus speech] Enough talk...Music! [The band starts again and everyone returns to their party as Klaus approaches Rebekah at the bar] Klaus: Over the years, I've thwarted your loves simply to protect you. I knew if we had to run again, your heart would be broken, but we don't have to run anymore. We've found a home. [kisses her cheek] Be happy, my sister. Klaus: [in present day, to Cami, in voiceover] I'd let my guard down and given in to happiness, more fool, I. End of Flashback [Klaus sits up in bed buttoning up his shirt] Klaus: Turns out, they'd already betrayed me, and brought to town the one thing I'd been running from for centuries...My father. Cami: Oh. Klaus: Yes. Oh. [Klaus lays back down] Cami: So, you're consumed by revenge you'll never achieve. Elijah implied Rebekah and Marcel could be anywhere in the world by now. Klaus: Oh, I'm not so sure about that. Flashback - Jazz Club, 1919 Rebekah: Can you believe we're sitting out here in the open bold as brass? Marcel: No. Ah, it feels like heaven. Rebekah: You know, it's been over 6 months since Genevieve summoned my father, and nothing. Her spell must have failed. Marcel: Hey, if so, we dodged a bullet. [Marcel smiles, and they kiss] Rebekah: Right. I am off to speak at the Women's Temperance Society meeting to make sure the wives of this city urge their husbands not to drink. Marcel: [laughs] Aren't you all in the booze biz now? Rebekah: Yes, but the more one tells you you can't have something, the more you crave it at all costs. [She kisses him again. Marcel laughs as she heads for the door. A gentlemen at the bar watches her go. When the camera turns toward his face, we see that it is Mikael] End of Flashback Present Day Rebekah: He'll chase us to the ends of the earth, and he'll find us. No one can hide forever, especially not from an angry Mikaelson. Marcel: Then we go through with the plan. There's only one way that we'll truly be able to hide from Klaus forever. Compound - Klaus' Bedroom Klaus: They'll need a cloaking spell, and for that, they'll need a witch. Fork in the Road - Marcel's Car Marcel: Davina is our one shot. Rebekah: If we go back and get her, it's a suicide mission. Marcel: It's our only hope. We resurrect her, take her with us, and get out of town. Then, she can hide us from Klaus so he'll never find us. Rebekah: We don't even know the right witch to kill to bring her back. Marcel: Then we'll kill them all. Rebekah: [skeptical] Just kill the three witches that brought the mighty Klaus Mikaelson to his knees, no big deal. Marcel: Look. Unless you want to spend eternity looking over your shoulder, there's only one thing that we can do. Compound - Klaus' Bedroom Klaus: There's only one place they can go. Fork in the Road - Marcel's Car [Rebekah leans her head back into the seat of the car; her eyes wet with tears. She sighs as Marcel turns the car around and they head back toward the city] Klaus: Home. [Monique lays on the ground in the tunnel surrounded by candles chanting in French Creole at the sound of approaching footsteps she stops] Monique: When order is restored, your kind won't be allowed in here. Elijah: Well, fortunately, that day has not yet come. I need to find Sabine. I believe she's taken someone very important to me. [Monique sits up] Monique: [scoffs] And you thought I'd help you? [she stands up and faces him] Sabine is one of us, committed to the rise of the witches. Elijah: The only thing Sabine is committed to is the destruction of my family. Monique: And that would be a bad thing why? Elijah: Like your mother, my mother was also a witch, a very powerful witch. In fact, because of my family, her power now flows through your veins. Now, once Sabine manipulates those around her, she will do what she has always done. She will jump into another body and disappear, leaving your witches powerless. Monique: No. She has the faith. She will see our power restored. Elijah: There's a way of guaranteeing this. I'll also secure the safety of yourself and your kind. Here. [He hands her a spell] This is from my mother's grimoire. Celeste used a similar spell to body jump. If what Sabine says is true, when she sacrifices herself, all of her power will flow back into the earth. However, if she has lied and tries to take another body, this spell will deliver her to a very different destination. Now, please locate Sabine. [Rebekah and Marcel meet with Thierry] Rebekah: Papa Tunde is dead. That leaves Sabine, Bastianna, and Genevieve. Marcel: We want to kill them all, and as soon as Davina rises, we take her with us. [Thierry pours himself and Marcel a drink] Rebekah: Look. We have one shot at this, and I know our chances of success are sweet bugger all, but we've got to do it. So please, one stray dog to another, help us. Thierry: Not many go up against those odds and live to tell the story. Have you? [he hands Marcel a drink] Marcel: I'm still standing here, aren't I? I've gone up against the worst of them all. Flashback - Jazz Club,Bar, 1919 [Mikael sits at the bar alone drinking as Marcel approaches his side to order himself a drink] Marcel: [to bartender] I'll take another Mikael: You're a lucky man. [Marcel turns to face him, but doesn't recognize him] Mikael: Men search the world over for a woman like her. Marcel: Well, she's taken, friend. Mikael: Oh, I can see that. It's just that she reminds me so much of my departed wife as a girl. See, I've been traveling for such a long time that it's a blessing to see a familiar soul so far from home. Marcel: I'm sorry for your loss. Here's to old faces in new places. [They toast their glasses together and drink] Mikael: I've been in New Orleans for a day, and I find it to be quite surprising. Had I known of its charm and fascinating denizens, I would have come ages ago. Don't suppose I have to thank you for extending this invitation. Marcel: Who are you? Mikael: Oh, you're a smart man. I think you know. [He reaches into his pocket and hands him the photograph of Klaus that Genevive had sent him him] I'm an intelligent man myself. [starts to compel him] So, have a seat. [Marcel immediately sits next to him] Mikael: Let me tell you what I learned about you this afternoon, Marcel Gerard. You chafe under the control of my son Niklaus and would do just about anything to get rid if him, even call the one man on this earth who hates him more than you do. But, I couldn't understand what you hoped to gain. Rule of this city? Well, as I said, New Orleans has its charms, but to call me, the one they call the Destroyer, the one who's burnt cities far more charming to the ground in pursuit of his children. But now I see. You did it for love, the love of my daughter. Marcel: Don't you dare touch her! [he grips the bar and glares at him threateningly] Mikael: Mmm, so I'm going to make you a promise. I won't hurt Rebekah. Truth be told, she was always my favorite. And this city, you can have it, but first, you must tell me where to find my son. End of Flashback Present Day - Compound, Klaus Bedroom [Klaus sits up, he attempts to get out of bed but he is too weak. He nearly falls, but Cami catches him] Klaus: Ugh. Cami: You're still weak. Klaus: I'm still hungry. There's a fresh blood supply in the kitchen. Cami: You won't make it that far. So, be a good little boy and get back into bed. Klaus: If I had a quid for every time a woman has tried that line on me Cami: You'd have, like, no money. Klaus: I beg to differ. Some women actually find me quite charming. Flashback - Compound, Klaus' Bedroom, 1919 [Lana and Klaus are hooking up in Klaus' bed when Elijah enters the room] Lana: Uh! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Elijah: Sleeping with the enemy, I see. Lana: I'm the ally now, darling. Elijah: Well, indeed. Klaus: Oh, and as a gesture of goodwill from our old enemy...[he holds up four tickets] tickets to tonight's opera, "Le Grand Guignol." Lana: They have a soprano to die for. I'll introduce you if you promise not to eat her. Elijah: Oh, Lana, a good soprano is never dinner. Klaus: Tell Rebekah to bring Marcel. Feel free to tell her now, big brother. I have some business I need to discuss with our new ally. End of Flashback Present Day - Compound, Klaus' Bedroom Cami: Why am I not surprised you like opera? Klaus: I always had a particular soft spot for Le Grand Guignol. I like the story. It was a (he gets up out of bed) tale of forbidden love, a "Romeo and Juliet" of sorts. On the day they are to marry, family and long-festering hatred intervene. Thousands are massacred. A father even kills his own child in the final act. I can almost appreciate the irony. [SCENE_BREAK] The Bayou [Sabine sits on a tree stump her hands still tied together but she has managed to mix together some herbs into a mason jar] Sabine: Here. [Hayley takes the jar from Sabine] It's herbs ground into paste. It'll act as a conduit for the spell. On the next full moon, your people become human. Feed it to them, the curse will be broken. Hayley: Great way to poison us all at once. Sabine: Look. I know you have no reason to trust me, but, Hayley, I actually like you. I was you, caring for Elijah when he cared more for his brother, and I ended up dead. So did a lot of others. This, call it a chance for me to give you what I was too in love to give myself. It's a chance to free yourself from The Originals. Eve: You believe her? [a wolf growls behind her] Elijah: Whatever she's promised you, it's a lie. [Elijah appears in the bayou] Hayley: Elijah, it's okay. I'm okay. Elijah: She cannot be trusted. Hayley: She's the only one that can help my pack. Elijah: Do you have any idea what she has done to our family? Hayley: I know you want revenge, and come the next full moon, when I'm sure her cure works, she's all yours. Elijah: Are you suggesting that we hold her, her, captive for an entire month? It would take an army. Hayley: And I've got one. [the wolves howl] So help me or get out of my way. [Elijah pauses only for a moment and then at vampire speed he grabs Sabine and the jar from Hayley she gasps as he and Sabine disappear. Elijah has gotten far enough away from Hayley where he and Sabine are alone now in the bayou; he throws her up against a tree, she grunts as he holds the jar of herbs] Elijah: You tricked her. Sabine: It's no trick. You're holding the cure for Hayley's clan in your hand. If her wolves take that elixir, the curse is no more. They're free. Elijah: You condemned her people to decades of agony, and now you just break the curse without so much as a whimper. Why? Sabine: Because it's the best thing I could do for her and it's the worst possible thing I could do to you. Elijah: What are you saying? Sabine: That, no matter what happens now, you've lost her. You destroy that jar, you kill me, Hayley will hate you for snatching her family from her. Now, if you give her the jar, we both know that she'll leave you in the end to be with them, and I know that as long as she's alive and happy and fulfilled in ways that you can't even imagine, then I get my revenge. So, you decide. Give her everything she ever wanted and lose her or deny it, see what happens then. Docks [Thierry sits down with Bastianna and Genevieve] Thierry: Where's the third one, Sabine? I asked to meet with all three of you. Genevieve: Our meeting you at all is a courtesy for your being a friend to witches in the past, but courtesy has its limits. Now, you said you had information of interest to us. Thierry: Rebekah and Marcel are back. They came for Davina, and they think that they can get her if they kill all three of you. [The two witches smile at one another, amused] Now look. I can lead you straight to them, but there's something I want in return. Bastianna: And what's that? Thierry: [stands up] Your life. [He vamps out, baring his teeth at the witches and lunging towards them. Before he can attack, Bastiana uses magic to give him an aneurysm, and he falls to the ground, unconscious. Marcel vamp speeds into the room and slams Bastiana's head against the table. Rebekah follows in behind him and throws Genevieve against the wall. Marcel easily rips Bastiana's head from her body, but as Rebekah attempts to kill Genevieve she chants at her and gives her an aneurysm as well. Rebekah grabs her head and screams in pain. Marcel attempts to attack but Genevieve stops him by chanting a spell that lights his jacket on fire] Genevieve: Follow me, and I'll turn you both into ash. [She leaves. The fire on Marcel's jacket goes out. Rebekah attempts to follow but Marcel stops her] Marcel: Forget her. We'll get her later. Rebekah: Marcel, all we have is the element of surprise, and we have lost it. If we don't leave now, there will be no one to save us. Marcel: I already failed Davina once. I'm not leaving her behind. Compound, Living Room [Cami comes into the room, Klaus is pouring himself a drink] Cami: Not sure that helps. Klaus: Not sure it doesn't. Cami: You want to self-medicate your self-pity, fine. Better scotch than my blood, no matter what Elijah says. Klaus: Don't speak to me of Elijah. Cami: He loves you. Klaus: Yes. He does, and he proves it time and again, even when my father enlisted him to kill me. Flashback - Elijah's Room, 1919 [Elijah is getting ready for the opera he stands in front of the mirror but turns at the sound of footsteps entering the room. He is absoutely dumbfounded by the one that stands before him] Mikael: "Le Grand Guignol." Saw it in Venice, marvelous production. Elijah: You- Mikael: It's all right, son. I just want to talk. Elijah: You mercilessly hunt us for centuries. You laid waste to half of Europe. Now you simply wish to talk? Mikael: It was your b*st*rd brother I hunted, not you, never you. You're my blood, one that I'd be proud to call son. So I came here to give you a chance to help me put down that whelp for good. [Elijah attacks his father in a rage slamming him against the wall. Mikael throws Elijah across the room he slams into the opposite wall, wood splinters come crashing down around him as he falls to the floor] Elijah: Do you really not know me? [he gets to his feet] Do you think I could or would believe in anything that you say? If you honestly believe that I would betray my own brother for you, you're a fool without equal. Mikael: I'll forgive you your sentimental affections for the thing you call brother, but you need to realize, as I did when I learned his mother had lain with a beast to beget him that Niklaus is an abomination. You do not talk to abominations. You do not reason with them or try to change them. You erase them. So, yes, I am asking you to help me kill your brother. End of Flashback Present Day - Compound, Living Room Cami: You keep saying kill, but you're immortal. You can't be killed. Klaus: Oh, but we can, love, and my father was the only one with the means to do it. A white oak stake fashioned by my father to take from us the very thing he forced upon us all--our immortality. Flashback - Elijah's Room, 1919 [Mikael takes out the White Oak Stake; Elijah attacks his father again. Mikael slams Elijah up against the wall and pushes the stake toward Elijah who desperately uses all his strength to fight him off] Mikael: Stand with me or fall with him. Choose, son. [Elijah throws Mikael off of him] Elijah: I will ALWAYS...Choose him! Mikael: Fine. [At vampire speed, Mikael grabs a wooden splinter and stabs Elijah in the heart with it] End of Flashback Present Day - Compound, Living Room Klaus: Elijah has always carried guilt for that night for not stopping our father. I told him not to blame himself. When your father wants to kill you, he wants to kill you, nothing you can do about it. [Klaus' cell phone vibrates, and he checks it] Oh, I hate to be a know-it-all. My sister and her lover have been spotted in town. So story time endeth here, I'm afraid. ( [He walks over to a statue on the table and knocks it over. The statue breaks on the floor, revealing the indestructible white oak stake inside] Cami: What is that? Klaus: A White Oak Stake, my own special version. And, unlike my father's, this one cannot be destroyed. [He vamp speeds out of the room] New Orleans, Street [Cami comes out of the compound and into the street to find Klaus feeding on a man] Cami: What are you doing? Klaus: Well, if you have to ask, you obviously haven't been paying attention. I'm going to kill my sister, but first, I needed some sustenance with a little less vervain in it, no offense. Cami: When Davina showed me all you did to me, all you took from me, I wanted to kill you. I even thought about burying that blade in you like the witches asked me to, but I didn't. I stopped. I thought. I weighed the good I see in you versus the horrible things I know you've done, and I realized if I hurt you, I'd be filled with a terrible regret. You will, too, if you hurt your sister, your sister, Klaus. As a person who has lost a sibling, who has felt that pain, you won't survive if you're the one who kills her. Klaus: I'll tell you what I almost didn't survive, love...My sister bringing the most vile creature ever to have walked the earth down upon me. Cami: Yes, your father, but by hunting Rebekah and Marcel down to the ends of the earth, by terrorizing them the way you yourself were terrorized Don't become your father. Klaus: I've been called every shade of monster, but that's new. My father? Mikael was the monster monsters were afraid of. Come. Let me show you. [He grabs hold of her] The Bayou [Elijah and Sabine return to the Bayou where Hayley sits on a log; she is alone with the exception of one wolf who has stayed behind; Jackson] Hayley: You came back. Elijah: I'll always come back. Take it. It will work. Hayley: Eve and I will round up as many of our people as we can. Come full moon, I can finally free my family. [She hugs Elijah] Elijah: Hayley, I wonder if they have any idea how lucky they are to have you. [Hayley smiles and leaves with Jackson, still in wolf form] Sabine: Mmm. That was touching, such a chaste, little kiss. The Elijah I knew was never so meek. Elijah: Well, the Celeste I knew was never so cruel. What is it that you want? What's your end game? Sabine: Oh, this game never ends, Elijah. We're both immortal, you know. Elijah: Then what's the point if you can't possibly win? Sabine: [smirks] But, I have. You just lost the girl, the girl you never made a move on because you were so desperate to save your family. And now, your family lies in ruins. Elijah: My family, despite all that you have done, will heal in time. Sabine: If you had the time, maybe, but you really think Rebekah ran far and fast from here? I bet she didn't. Elijah: She's long gone. Sabine: Is she? She's with Marcel. Now, Marcel loves Davina. Davina is dead, but she could come back under the right circumstances. Elijah: They wouldn't dare. Sabine: If you hadn't been so worried about Hayley, you might have figured it out sooner, but you know who did have the time to think about it? Your brother. I wonder what he'll do. [Elijah grabs Sabine by the neck and vamps out] Sabine: Do it. [Elijah bites into her neck] Main Street - Old Opera House Klaus: [to Cami] You know your city's history. That night in 1919, when the opera house burned down on this very spot? That was my father at his worst. Flashback - Opera House, 1919 [It's a full house tonight as Rebekah and Klaus sit in a private box; Klaus looks at the program] Klaus: Well, this is off to a bad start. Your first big date together in public after I gave you my blessing, and he stood you up. Rebekah: Something must have delayed him. Klaus: Or, now that your elicit affair is out in the open, he finds the whole relationship a tad lackluster and has run off to Havana with a showgirl. Rebekah: Don't be such a toerag. I'm going to check the lobby. Klaus: See if you can't find our brother while you're there. The curtain is about to go up. [Rebekah leaves, and Klaus sets the program down. Someone enters the box and sits down behind him. It's Mikael. He pokes his white oak stake against Klaus' back] Mikael: I would advise against trying to flee, boy. I can drive this into your heart before you can even think of getting to your feet, and I don't want you to die yet. Klaus: Father--[he breathes out, shocked] Mikael: "Father"? Ha ha! Still clinging to that word after all these years, a b*st*rd desperate for a daddy? I wonder if your real father would be as embarrassed as I was of you before I discovered you were not mine. Most likely. [Angry, Klaus is about to turn around but Mikael stops him] Oh, oh. Uh-uh. Easy now, boy. Don't worry. Death will come, but we need to have a little chat before you shuffle off your immortal coil. Klaus: Any words we have for each other have been spoken long ago, but know this-- I am no longer the animal begging for scraps of your affection. I will die knowing my hatred for you was just. I will fall proud of all I have achieved here. So, Mikael, if you're going to kill me, then get on with it. Mikael: Au contraire, Niklaus. Some things remain unsaid. For instance, you were right to be proud of your achievement here. As I walked the streets, your name was spoken of in reverent tones by the city's finest. So, after I kill you, I will remain here in New Orleans until every last person who remembers you is dead. The deeds of the mighty Klaus will be remembered by no one And you, boy, will simply never have existed. [Orchestra tuning] Ah. The grand show. [Mikael relaxes pulling the stake away from Klaus, as the lights go down] Oh, [Mikael leans forward and touches Klaus' shoulder] I made some alterations in your honor. You'll love it. [Baton taps] Klaus: [voice-over from present] And what a show it was. [The curtain goes up to reveal Marcel staked in the hands to a wooden X. He is barely conscious. Lana is dead and is propped up on a swing, her mouth taped shut and a stake through her chest. The audience laughs and applauds] Klaus: [voiceover] Mikael compelled the audience to watch it all, applaud as if it were the drollest of comedies, and then to leave celebrating a terrific night at the opera. I tried to save Marcel. [Klaus is on stage. He tries to pull the stakes from Marcel's hands but Mikael stops him] My father had other ideas. Rebekah attempted to intervene. [Applause from the crowd as Mikael pushes Rebekah to the ground and stabs her in the stomach] All these years, I actually believed she was trying to save me. [Klaus tries to attack again but Mikael throws Klaus across the stage] Klaus: Agh! [Laughter and applause] [voiceover] But then big brother swooped in. Elijah: [in flashback] There's no helping Marcel. Klaus: [voiceover] Just when we thought all was lost. Elijah: We must run. [Klaus scooped Rebekah up in his arms, and as they leave, Mikael feeds off of Marcel then grabs a lantern from the stage] Klaus: [voiceover] And so I ran, beaten like the dog my father believed me to be And as we fled for our lives, he burnt it all to the ground [Mikael walks up toward the exit past the audience which is now silent and staring straight forward all compelled not to leave. He throws the lantern and it crashes and catches the Opera House on fire. Mikael leaves] and with it we assumed, Marcel. End of Flashback Present Day - Main Street, Old Opera House Klaus: I lived, but all that we had built died, as did the last shred of me that felt human. That is what my father took from me that night. I assure you, Camille, I will not terrorize my sister and her lover for centuries. Nor will I humiliate and torment or dehumanize them. No, none of that. I will simply and quickly end them. [he lets go of Cami and vamp speeds away before Cami can catch him] Cami: Klaus, wait! LaFayette Cemetery [Celeste sits against a grave in the cemetery awakening after Elijah bit her] Celeste: Now, you didn't have to bite me to get me here. I wanted front-row seats to this show. Elijah: And what show would that be? Celeste: [stands up] The one where you see your "Always and Forever" pact come crashing down around you. It's a myth, Elijah, a myth I died for. Elijah: And yet here you stand alive...For now. Celeste: Is that a threat? Oh, there's always another pretty, young body for me to jump into. From now on, every time you feel a connection to a woman, you'll be forced to wonder if it's me. [as she talks, she backs away towards the entrance] You'll trust no one and spend the rest of eternity alone. [She crosses the threshold, and when Elijah tries to run after her, he's stopped by an invisible barrier] Hahaha! Hahaha! [Sabine laughs as he falls to the ground] I'm afraid you're trapped. Boundary spell. The Originals can enter, but they can't leave. Elijah: You wouldn't. Celeste: I would, and I did. [On the other side of the cemetery, Marcel and Rebekah have just dug up Davina; she was buried in a white cloth. He lowers the cloth to look at her face then covers it back up again] Marcel: I got you, D. I got you. [he picks her up in his arms and they hurry toward the exit. Marcel is able to leave freely but when Rebekah tries to follow she realizes she is trapped] What is it? Rebekah: It's a trap. Run. Get Davina out of here. Marcel: I'm not leaving you behind. Rebekah: You must. Marcel: I will not leave you behind! Rebekah: I swear I will join you. Go. Get Davina someplace safe. Marcel: I will [They stare at each other for a moment and then he vamp speeds away] [Return to where Celeste and Elijah are talking] Celeste: Don't worry. It's a lunar spell. You'll be free by the next moonrise. My guess is, your sister won't last that long. Ah, while this body has been a hell of a lot of fun, I do think it's time I find someone else to play in, don't you? [Celeste bends down and picks up a candle on the ground. She smashes it against a tree and picks up a shard of glass. She stabs it into Sabine's neck; coughing she falls dead to the ground. Monique comes out of the shadows, disappointed, as she looks at Sabine's body] Monique: You were right. [Monique points toward the tunnels, revealing to Elijah that she had performed the spell. In the tunnel, Celeste awakens in her original body covered by a white sheet, gasping awake. She is shocked and confused as to this sudden turn of events] Elijah: Hello, Celeste. [Elijah enters as she gets to her feet and backs away from him] Celeste: How is this possible? Elijah: Monique Deveraux and I had a little wager regarding your ability to keep a promise. It appears I won. You were so consumed with my downfall, that you lost the trust of one of your own. Celeste: Non. Mon cheri, non. Tout est possible. Ce n'est pas fini. Aah! Elijah: Désolé. [Elijah stabs her in the stomach with Papa Tunde's blade, she screams then drops to the ground dead] St. Anne's Church - Attic [Marcel lays Davina on the bed and waits anxiously and nervously. A moment passes when suddenly Davina awakens, she gasps and tries to fight her away out from under the sheet. Marcel rushes to her side] Marcel: Davina [sitting her up] You're ok. You're safe now. You hear me? You're safe. I won't let anyone hurt you, ok? LaFayette Cemetery [Klaus walks into the cemetery wielding the indestructible white oak stake, screaming in a rage for Rebekah] Klaus: REBEKAH! REBEKAH! Cherish the breath in your lungs! It'll be your last. Flashback - Main Street, Opera House, 1919 Mikael: The final act of Le Grand Guignol is upon us! Where are my players? Enough running, children! Step out of the shadows so we can finish this tale of sorrows. [He screams as he walks down the street with his white oak stake in hand. Just ahead, Klaus carries Rebekah in his arms. She is still unconscious as Elijah hurries beside him down the desolate dark street] Elijah: He's coming. [Elijah steps up onto the sidewalk and grabs a metal stake from someone's fence as Klaus sets Rebekah down on the street] Klaus: All right. [he bites into his wrist and feeds Rebekah his blood to awaken her] Come on, sister. Rebekah: Marcel. Elijah: He's gone, sister. [She looks behind them to see the Opera House in flames, screams are heard from those dying, trapped inside] Rebekah: No. No. [she cries] Elijah: Both of you must flee the city. I'll hold him off, Niklaus. [Klaus pulls up Rebekah to her feet] Klaus: No. We fight him together. Elijah: We cannot fight him. All we can do is do what we've done. We deceive him. We lead him astray. Now, I can do that as well as anyone. You take her far away from here. I'll follow you. Rebekah: No, Elijah. You can't. You can't, Elijah. [she cries] This is just- this is my fault. Klaus: No. This is my fault, Rebekah. I am so sorry. I'm sorry. Marcel--[the building explodes, all three turn to look; a siren blares] I thought we'd found a home here. Elijah: Niklaus, please. Sister, come. [he hugs Rebekah and kisses her cheek softly] You must leave. Go. [Klaus stares at him, a single tear falls from his face] Leave! [Elijah orders and at vampire speed Klaus disappears with Rebekah into the night] End of Flashback Present Day - Cemetery, Night [Elijah walks past the crypts and stops in front of one. Rebekah comes out beside him.] Rebekah: Elijah? Elijah: What are you doing here? Rebekah, you should be on the other side of the world by now. Rebekah: You and I both know that wouldn't have been far enough. Klaus: GET AWAY FROM HER! She's mine. [is eyes turn yellow as the veins protrude on his face. Elijah holds Papa Tunde's blade in his hand, it shakes as he bars his teeth at Klaus as does Rebekah. Both are ready to attack]

Plan: A: flashbacks to 1919; Q: What year do the flashbacks take place? A: Klaus; Q: Who opens up to Cami in a series of flashbacks? A: the devastating secret Rebekah; Q: What secret were Rebekah and Marcel trying to keep from Klaus? A: Elijah; Q: Who forms an alliance with Monique? A: an unlikely alliance; Q: What does Elijah form with Monique? A: Sabine Elsewhere; Q: Who does Elijah ask Monique to help him find? A: Thierry; Q: Who is reluctant to get involved when Marcel and Rebekah approach him with a plan to take down the witches? A: the bayou; Q: Where is Hayley holding Sabine hostage? A: her wits' end; Q: Hayley is at what? A: the curse; Q: What does Hayley want to reverse? A: Phoebe's werewolf clan; Q: What is the name of the werewolf clan? Summary: In a series of flashbacks to 1919, Klaus opens up to Cami and reveals details of the devastating secret Rebekah and Marcel were trying to keep from him. Elijah forms an unlikely alliance with Monique and asks for her help in locating Sabine Elsewhere, Thierry is reluctant to get involved when Marcel and Rebekah approach him with a plan to take down the witches. Meanwhile, in the bayou, Hayley is at her wits' end and holds Sabine hostage in an attempt to get information that will reverse the curse on Phoebe's werewolf clan.

•I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. [SCENE_BREAK] Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Monks running in fear. Glory smashing through the warehouse. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Tell me what kind of demon I'm fighting. QUENTIN TRAVERS VOICEOVER: Glory isn't a demon, she's a god. The dying monk talking to Buffy. MONK: We had to hide the key ... made it human... Monks chanting. MONK: ...and sent it to you. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Dawn. Dawn in the hospital talking to Ben. DAWN: I'm not real. BEN: You're the key. Go. Before she finds you, she's here! Ben morphing into Glory. Ben talking to Jinx. BEN: I won't help her find the key. I would never do that to an innocent- JINX: An innocent? BEN: It's not a person. Ben stabbing Jinx. Glory in her apartment. GLORY: What about the key? JINX: He indicated that it was a person. Spike tied up in Glory's apartment. SPIKE: I'll tell you who the sodding key is. GLORY: The vampire is lying to me. SPIKE: The Slayer is going to kick your lopsided ass. Glory kicking Spike across the room, through the door. Cut to a classroom. Close shot of a pair of hands fiddling with a slide projector. In the background the door opens and Buffy comes in. We see students leaving. The person at the slide projector is the professor. Buffy walks over to him. BUFFY: Professor Lillian? PROFESSOR: Buffy. BUFFY: I'm sorry that I missed the lecture today. (professor continues struggling with the slide machine) Was it good? He gives her a look. BUFFY: Um, of course it was. (He returns to fiddling) D-do you want me to try? PROFESSOR: Yes, thanks, the ... (gesturing vaguely) slide is stuck in the ... thing. BUFFY: Okay. (begins pulling at the slide) Um, I just ... came by to tell you that ... I have to drop this class. Um, all my classes actually. I'm not finishing the semester. I wish it ... um ... I just, I can't be in school right now. I, I have to take care of my sister. PROFESSOR: (nods) Yes, I, I thought you might. I was very sorry to hear about your loss. Buffy looks pensive for a moment, then reaches for her bag. BUFFY: Um, I have these forms from the registrar's office that I need you to sign. She gives him the papers. PROFESSOR: Oh ... yes. He puts the papers on the table, puts on his glasses to read them. Buffy waits while he signs the papers and gives them back. BUFFY: Thanks. She puts them in her bag as the professor takes his glasses back off. Then she looks back up at him. PROFESSOR: Is there something else? BUFFY: No. Yes. Yeah. Um ... I wanted to tell you ... how much I enjoyed this class. (resumes pulling at the slide projector) I mean, I know that I wasn't the best student, but ... I really learned a lot. Uh, and I really like poetry. (shot of her hands on the projector) I really do. The stuck slide pops out and goes flying across the room. BUFFY: (embarrassed) Oh, sorry. PROFESSOR: (smiles) I'm glad you like poetry, Buffy. BUFFY: I wish I had time for it. But I just ... don't right now. PROFESSOR: Well, maybe short poems. BUFFY: Yeah! Like, like those, those Japanese ones that, that, um, sound like a sneeze? PROFESSOR: Haiku? BUFFY: Right. Maybe those. A-and hopefully I'll be back next semester. Cut to Ben rushing down the hospital hallways, looking anxious. BUFFY VOICEOVER: When I'm more myself again. Ben approaches two doctors who are standing there looking at a clipboard. One wears a white lab coat, the other blue scrubs. They seem to be waiting for Ben. DOCTOR: Benjamin. This is a pleasant surprise. BEN: I'm sorry I'm late. DOCTOR: You're not late. BEN: (looks at his watch) But sir- DOCTOR: You can't be late to a job that you don't have. (gives the clipboard to the other doctor who walks away) Interestingly enough, I've decided to give your job to someone who'll actually do it. (Ben sighs in annoyance) Honest to God, Ben! I've been calling you for two weeks. Where the hell have you been? I didn't wanna ... I'm sorry to fire you, but I need somebody I can count on. BEN: (surprised) I haven't been here... (resigned) I haven't been here in two weeks. (hopefully) There's an explanation for this. Which ... I ... can't exactly give you. I - can I just tell you it's not my fault? DOCTOR: (nods) Sure. You can also tell me that the dog ate your homework, or maybe eating Twinkies made you do it, or ... maybe yeah, that there's really a wicked demonic creature living inside you that takes control of your body and forces you to do its bidding. (sighs) Take responsibility for your actions, Ben! BEN: I ... this ... (angrily) you know, forget it. Just forget it. He turns to walk away. Fast-cut to Ben cleaning out his locker, angrily throwing clothes into a bag while talking to himself. BEN: This is so unfair. You're taking everything away from me. Everything I worked for, I earned, I care about. These are my choices, this is my life, and you're ruining it! (pauses, shakes his head) No. No. Not here. Not now, please. (puts his hands to his face) I'm Ben. I'm Ben. I'm Ben. He continues to repeat this phrase while turning to bang his hand against the side of the locker. Focus on his hand as it shrinks and becomes Glory's hand. Pan over to Glory standing where Ben was. She looks around with a small smile. GLORY: I'm hungry. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Clare Kramer, Charlie Weber, Troy T. Blendell, Anne Betancourt, Leland Crooke, and Amber Benson as Tara. Written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner, directed by David Grossman. [SCENE_BREAK] Act I [SCENE_BREAK] Open on Glory taking a bubble bath. Beside the bathtub three of her demons are kneeling, with blindfolds over their eyes. One holds a tray with a wine glass on it, another holds a large box of chocolate. GLORY: (happy sigh) We got this part right, that's for sure. Lot of sucky things in this dimension -- bubble baths? Not one of 'em. (blows some bubbles) Know what I mean? JINX: I am in thunderous agreement, oh glittering, glistening Glorificus. GLORY: I wasn't talking to you. MURK: Uh, begging your pardon, and begging in general, but ... were you talking to me? GLORY: Eww. Yeah, right. Like any of you have ever bathed, anyway. MURK: Oh, but we do, your scrumptiousness. We bathe in your splendiforous radiance, your aromatic- GLORY: How about you shut up and listen to me, you disgusting little fools? (all three bow their heads) Okay. Now, I asked for the key, and you brought me a vampire. A pulseless, impure, follicly-fried vampire. Loofah! Murk produces a large loofah and gives it to her. She begins scrubbing her leg. GLORY: So, what I think we have here is a failure for you to do your frickin' jobs, pardon my French. (shoves the loofah back into Murk's hand) Mimosa. Slook holds out the tray and Glory takes the glass. GLORY: Mmm ... (sips, smiles) Vitamins. (briskly) So I think you better rack your little minion brains, and tell me everything that you saw when you were spying on Buffy and her wacky pals. Everything. Mm. Then I'll figure out who the key is. BUFFY VOICEOVER: You lied to me? Cut to head-shot of Dawn sitting in a chair. DAWN: Didn't ... lie ... e-exactly. BUFFY: (OS) Really. Cut to head-shot of Buffy sitting next to her. BUFFY: What about all the times I asked you how school was and you said "fine"? DAWN: Well, it was! (softly) You didn't ask if I was in it when it was fine. We see a woman sitting behind a desk with a nameplate saying "Principal Stevens." Buffy and Dawn sit in chairs on the other side of the desk. Buffy sighs. BUFFY: I-I don't know what to say. I-I'm sure you're aware that the past few months, you know, have been kind of hard for Dawn. Not that I'm saying that's an excuse. PRINCIPAL: I understand. Your mother was a lovely woman and we'll all miss her very much. I know how difficult it must be. BUFFY: It is. Especially for Dawn. She-she's just a kid. PRINCIPAL: Well ... I think we both know that Dawn is a lot more than "just a kid." Dawn looks alarmed, looks over at Buffy, who returns the look. PRINCIPAL: (leans forward) She's a talented young girl ... with a sharp mind ... (to Dawn) when she puts the effort in. Dawn looks away in relief. BUFFY: Look. I realize that there's been some ball-dropping, but I'm sure this will all- PRINCIPAL: Dawn, why don't you wait outside for a few minutes? Dawn looks very scared. She looks over at Buffy, who gives her a nod. Dawn gets up and leaves. Buffy watches her go with a sigh. The principal gives Buffy a stern look. Buffy faces her head-on. Cut to: interior magic shop, day. Xander and Willow sit at the table, he's reading a comic book and she's reading something else. In the background there's an older couple walking around browsing. The camera pans around to reveal Anya on the other side of the table, standing, watching the customers. Shot of the customers examining the merchandise. Shot of Anya watching them, partly hidden behind a display case. XANDER: Honey. Anya whirls around to face him. XANDER: Old saying. "A watched customer never buys." ANYA: They would if they were patriotic. Xander and Willow both put down their reading material, look at Anya, then look at each other. XANDER: (to Willow) Okay, I'm goin' in. (to Anya) Patriotic? ANYA: Yes. I've recently come to realize there's more to me than just being human. (proudly) I'm also an American. Giles appears, holding a cup of tea. GILES: Yes, I suppose you are, in a manner of speaking. You were born here -- your mortal self. He walks past her. ANYA: Well, that's right, foreigner. (Giles gives her a look) So I've been reading a lot about the good ol' us of A (she says "us" not "U.S."), embracing the extraordinarily precious ideology that's helped to shape and define it. WILLOW: Democracy? ANYA: Capitalism. The free market depends on the profitable exchange of goods for currency. (Xander and Willow exchange an amused look) It's a system of symbiotic beauty apparently lost on these old people. (turns to look back at the customers) Look at 'em. Perusing the shelves. Undressing the merchandise with their eyeballs (turns back to the others) all ogle, no cash. It's not just annoying, it's unAmerican. Giles comes over to her and peers past her at the customers. GILES: Appalling. Almost as if they no longer think money can buy happiness. He walks off. ANYA: Totally unAmerican. Oh, and you know what else is unAmerican? French people. WILLOW: You don't say. ANYA: From what I hear, they don't tip. Now, French old people? That's *really* the bottom of the barrel, you know? XANDER: Ahn, how's about we try being a bit less prejudiced, and a bit more inclusive? Not us, (indicates himself and Willow, then points to Anya) just you. ANYA: Fine. I'm gonna make those fogeys buy things. She turns and walks toward the customers. The door opens and Buffy enters, followed by Dawn. Buffy gives Anya a little wave as they head down the stairs toward the table. XANDER: Hey, what's up? It's Dawn Giovanni and the Buffster. DAWN: (sullen) Hi. BUFFY: Hey everybody. GILES: I trust everything went well at the university? BUFFY: Yep, I'm, uh, all dropped out. (she and Dawn sit at the table) XANDER: Good on you. Welcome to the real world. Lot of fun to be had on the outside. (looks at Willow) You'll see. BUFFY: Well, it's just for now. I mean, I'm thinking that I'm probably gonna go back next semester. XANDER: And that's cool too. Whatever you choose, you've got my support. Just think of me as ... (nervous laugh) as your ... (frowns; Buffy looks curiously at him) You know, I'm searching for supportive things, and I'm comin' up all bras, so... (Buffy smiles) something slightly more manly, think of me as that. Shot of Dawn not smiling. XANDER: (quietly) Seriously. Whatever you need. BUFFY: Thank you. Actually, I need to talk to Giles alone for a minute. (Giles looks up from his tea and newspaper) XANDER: (OS) Cool, that's cool. BUFFY: (stands) Uh, Dawn, why don't you get started on your homework? Uh, if you need help, (turns to Willow) Will, could you? (Willow nods) Okay. Buffy and Giles walk out as Dawn opens her schoolbag. Cut to the workout room. Buffy sits on the sofa in the background with her chin in her hand as Giles toys with the punching bag in the foreground. BUFFY: I just don't know what I'm gonna do. I mean, she's messing up ... I'm messing up ... it's a mess. GILES: You're just going to have to put your foot down with her. BUFFY: I try. It's just ... my foot's not used to being put down. (turns to Giles) I want you to do it. (Giles sighs) You can be the foot-putting-downer. GILES: No, Buffy, I don't think I can. BUFFY: Please? Pretty please? (desperately) I mean, your foot is way bigger than mine! And you're so much more a grownup than me. Dawn needs an authority figure. A strong guiding hand. She'll listen to you. GILES: (scoffs) Just like you always have. BUFFY: I listen! Giles gives her a look. BUFFY: (pouts) I do. GILES: (removes his glasses, sits next to her) Well, then perk up your ears. I may be a grownup, but you're her family. Her only real family now. She needs you to do this. BUFFY: (nervous) Right. She needs me. (Giles looks sympathetic) Me, the ... grownup. (more confidently) The authority figure. The, the strong guiding hand and, and stompy foot that is me. GILES: That's the spirit. BUFFY: (small smile) Okay. (nods) I can do this. (gets up) GILES: (gets up) I know you can. They walk a few steps toward the door, then Buffy whirls around to face Giles. BUFFY: Please? GILES: No. He takes her shoulders, turns her around. She takes a deep breath. BUFFY: Okay. (Giles nods) Here we go. Pause. Then she begins to walk again. Giles follows, still with hands on her shoulders. BUFFY: (reciting) Early to bed, early to rise, balanced breakfast, hospital corners. It's a new beginning. Cut to the main room as Buffy and Giles emerge. BUFFY: Discipline. Authority. Order. We hear giggling. Buffy looks into the main room and discovers Xander, Anya, and Willow lying on the floor head-to-toe forming a triangle. Dawn stands in the middle. All are giggling. Dawn sees Buffy and stops laughing. BUFFY: (storms forward) What is this? I thought I told you to do your homework! The others gets up from the floor. DAWN: I was. BUFFY: (folds her arms) Please don't lie to me. DAWN: I'm not. Giles, Xander, and Anya move away into the shop. WILLOW: We were acting out a geometry problem, 'cause I read this really neat article that said kids learn math better if you, you stimulate their, uh, visual learning pattern. You know, using the right side of the brain instead of just the left? Buffy still looks stern and unamused. WILLOW: (OS) Stuff like that. BUFFY: Uh-huh. WILLOW: So we made a triangle with our bodies, and that's when I called Xander obtuse, and he got really grumpy (smiling; Dawn giggles) and then Dawn said we were "acute" triangle, and, well, hilarity ensued. BUFFY: Right. Well, you know what I think? I think maybe Dawn should do her homework at home. Both Willow and Dawn stop smiling, look disappointed. DAWN: B-but it was working. I was really learning. BUFFY: Please get your stuff. Dawn scowls, looks at Willow. DAWN: Fine. Don't listen to me. (goes to get her stuff) WILLOW: (walking over to Buffy) Please don't be grouchy with her. Who among us can resist the allure of really funny math puns? BUFFY: It's really important that Dawn finishes her schoolwork right now. Shot of Dawn listening to them from the table. WILLOW: (OS) Yeah, I know, but... Dawn turns back to her stuff as Willow glances at her. WILLOW: We were having good clean educational fun, and then all of a sudden it was all gloom and doom and the outlawing of human triangles. BUFFY: (firmly) It's *really* important that Dawn finishes her schoolwork right now. WILLOW: I know it is, and I'm a big fan of school. You know me! I'm like, (sings) "Go school! It's your birthday!" Or something to that effect. BUFFY: Look, Willow, I know that you mean well, but you just don't understand, and there's no way that you could. WILLOW: I do so understand, it ... you're stressed out. BUFFY: I'm more than stressed out. I'm freaked out. WILLOW: Yeah, well, maybe you need a break to de-freak. Hey, you could go to the World's Culture fair if you want to, with me and Tara. BUFFY: (quietly) I don't think so. WILLOW: Come on. You can bring Dawn. It'll be fun. Good, educational-type fun in a discipline-y sort of way. BUFFY: I can't do it, Will. Don't worry. It's not like I don't have a life. I do. I have Dawn's life. Buffy walks over to the table where Dawn stands, holding her stuff. Buffy picks up her bag without breaking her stride. BUFFY: Ready? Dawn looks sullen, turns and falls into step behind Buffy. She casts a look over her shoulder at Willow as they leave. Cut to: close shot of Glory in her apartment. GLORY: So it's her. Under our noses all this time. I like the detail work those monks did. (smiling) Quirks, foibles, passions ... it's all so cute, so ... human. You know? We see that she's sitting on the sofa with the three monks standing before her. They all nod and smile. GLORY: Pretty convincing really. (ponders) But not convincing enough. She slowly stands up and looks each demon in the eye. GLORY: You all know your assignments. (smiles widely) I think it's time to collect the key. She whirls around and begins to walk out. The monks follow her in single-file. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act II [SCENE_BREAK] Open on Willow and Tara's dorm room. Tara is looking in the closet for clothing while Willow sits on the bed putting on her shoes. WILLOW: It wasn't anything really. Buffy was just a little crabby at Dawn about her schoolwork. TARA: Well, it's understandable. (puts something on the bed, turns back to close the closet door) WILLOW: Yeah, sure it is. I'd totally be blowing off classes if I were in Dawnie's shoes. TARA: (smiles) Sweetie, you wouldn't blow off a class if your head was on fire. (goes over to the sink) And, I meant Buffy. WILLOW: (putting on earrings) Buffy what? TARA: Understandable about the crabby. She has to look after Dawn now. WILLOW: (putting on a jacket) Yeah, but not in a Miss Minchin's Select Seminary For Girls way. I mean, she's just gonna make Dawnie more rebellious. TARA: I had to deal with my brother's problems after ... I mean, you can't really know what it's like to- WILLOW: Yeah, I know that. Tara makes a noise of displeasure, frowns, sits on the bed next to Willow. TARA: I, I didn't mean to- WILLOW: No, I just ... I ... I know I can't know what you went through. (Tara frowns) But I just ... (fake laugh) It's no big. TARA: I made you mad. WILLOW: No. No. TARA: All I meant was- WILLOW: No, it's okay. This whole Buffy thing, let's just forget it. TARA: No, please. I mean, I mean, tell me if I said something wrong, otherwise I know I'll say it again. Probably often and in public. WILLOW: No, I was snippy gal. It's just ... I know I can't ... on some level ... (sighs) it's like my opinion isn't worth anything because I haven't been through ... (sighs) I didn't lose my mom, so I don't know. TARA: Well ... I-I'm not the expert. I mean, I've only lost the one. Willow gives a sympathetic smile. Tara looks anxious. TARA: (uncertainly) Do ... I act like ... the big knowledge woman? Wide shot of the two of them sitting on the bed, facing each other, with at least a foot separating them. WILLOW: (weakly) No. TARA: Is that no spelled Y-E-S? WILLOW: S-O-R-T of. (Tara frowns) I mean, I just feel like the-the junior partner. You've been doing everything longer than me. You've been out longer ... you've been practicing witchcraft way longer. TARA: Oh, but you're way beyond me there! In just a few- I mean ... it frightens me how powerful you're getting. WILLOW: (frowns) That's a weird word. TARA: (nervous smile) "Getting"? WILLOW: It frightens you? *I* frighten you? TARA: (jumps up from the bed) That is *so* not what I meant. I meant i-impresses - impressive. WILLOW: Well, I took Psych 101. I mean, I took it from an evil government scientist who was skewered by her Frankenstein-like creation before the final, but I know what a Freudian slip is. Tara looks upset. WILLOW: D-don't you trust me? TARA: With my life. WILLOW: That's not what I mean. TARA: Can't we just go to the fair? WILLOW: I don't feel real multicultural right now. (stands up) Wh ... what is it about me that you don't trust? TARA: It's not that. I worry, sometimes. You're, you're changing so much, so fast. I don't know where you're heading. WILLOW: Where I'm heading? TARA: I'm saying everything wrong. WILLOW: No, I think you're being pretty clear. This isn't about the witchcraft. It's about the other changes in my life. TARA: I trust you. I just ... (looks down) I don't know where I'm gonna fit in ... in your life when... WILLOW: When ... I change back? Yeah, this is a college thing, just a, a little experimentation before I get over the thrill and head back to boys' town. Pause. WILLOW: You think that? TARA: Should I? WILLOW: I'm really sorry that I didn't establish my lesbo street cred before I got into this relationship. You're the only woman I've ever fallen in love with, so ... how on earth could you ever take me seriously? She walks toward the door. TARA: Willow, please! WILLOW: Have fun at the fair. Willow storms out. Tara stands there looking upset. Cut to: exterior Summers house, day. A couple of Glory's demons walk up the front porch, over to the side window, kneel down and look in the window. Inside we see the living room. Dawn is sitting at the table while Buffy stands. The camera moves in through the window. Buffy is folding dish towels on the table while Dawn is doing homework. BUFFY: Okay, so, I-I think the next step is to make a chart. A schedule. (Dawn gives her an angry look) I'll write down all the things you're supposed to do, and when you have to do them, and then I'll leave a box next to it, which you can mark with an X when you've accomplished the task. Dawn stares at her with a sullen expression. BUFFY: What? You want gold stars? (rolls her eyes) Okay. You can have gold stars. DAWN: I don't want gold stars. (scoffs) I don't want any of this. She puts down her pencil and crosses her arms. Buffy pauses in her towel-folding. BUFFY: I'm just trying to give you a normal life. DAWN: (sarcastic) Well, good luck. Dawn returns to her schoolwork. Buffy stands and stares at her. Dawn pauses, looks up warily. DAWN: What? (rolls eyes, sits back) What am I doing wrong now? BUFFY: This is for real, Dawn. DAWN: No, it's not. I'm not real, so why would my exciting graph of chores be real? Who cares if a key gets an education anyway? (slams her textbook shut, folds her arms again) BUFFY: It's a chart. Not a graph. And you are real. DAWN: Yeah? Those monks put grades K through eight in my head. Can't we just wait and see if they drop nine in there too? Buffy slams her hand down on the table, making Dawn jump and wince. BUFFY: Damn it, Dawn. This is serious. DAWN: Why? Why should I care about any of this? BUFFY: Because they'll take you away! Beat. Long shot of the two of them facing off across the table. Dawn unfolds her arms and looks scared. DAWN: Take me away? What do you mean? BUFFY: (softly) They'll take you away from me. That's what your principal told me when you weren't in the room. If I can't make you go to school, then I won't be found fit to be your legal guardian. She resumes folding towels. Dawn absorbs this for a moment. DAWN: Where would I go? BUFFY: (softly) I don't know. Dad maybe ... or foster care ... I, I didn't really want to ask. DAWN: (pause, scoffs) You could've told me that. BUFFY: I just did. Buffy continues folding as Dawn sits there. Fade to a park, day. Balloons and paper lanterns are hanging from trees. People are walking around, some in costume, some holding carnival prizes. A group of cheerleaders waving pompoms. A group of Chinese men dancing with a large paper dragon. Flags of many nations hang from a wire above. Soft sad music over faint crowd noises. Shot of Tara sitting alone on a park bench, at the far right of it, looking sad. Cut to: magic shop. Giles walks over to the counter carrying two cups of tea, goes behind the counter where Anya is doing paperwork, gives her a mug. Pan across to a corner where Willow sits on the floor, beside a bookcase, amongst a pile of cushions, looking sad. Sad music continues. Cut back to Tara on the bench. She looks idly off to her left. Shot of Tara's right hand lying on the bench. Another hand appears and slips into Tara's. The fingers entwine together. Tara smiles, looks down at the entwined hands, then looks up at the face and stops smiling. The sad music stops. GLORY: Is this seat taken? Tara gasps in fear. Cut back to magic shop. Willow walks around the corner toward the counter. Giles is opening a box. GILES: I hope this isn't a return. Everyone wants petrified hamsters and they're never happy with them. Willow leans on the counter still looking sad. Giles notices her expression. GILES: You all right? WILLOW: Yeah. GILES: Ah yes, because your good mood is both obvious and contagious. WILLOW: I had a fight with Tara. It was awful. GILES: Oh, I'm sorry. (takes the box and walks toward the shelves behind the counter) WILLOW: (OS) Me too. GILES: You two don't quarrel much, do you? WILLOW: Never. Until today. GILES: Well, now it's over. WILLOW: (very upset) Over? How can it be over? I just found her! GILES: The quarrel is over. WILLOW: (quieter) Oh. Yeah. GILES: Uh, you'll feel better when you've made your apologies and you'll know that you can fight without the world ending. (walks toward the rear door) I know it all seems bleak now, but as they say, this too... Giles opens the door to discover one of Glory's demons, Slook, who was listening at the door. Slook falls into the room. GILES: ...shall pass. Willow and Anya both stare. Cut to: Giles holding the demon by the ear, dragging him into the shop and throwing him into a chair. Willow and Anya rush over. ANYA: Wow! GILES: Now, what do we have here? ANYA: Oh, he's one of those things that work for Glory! GILES: Yes. How helpful. SLOOK: I do indeed work for the god. Let me go if you do not wish to incur her anger. GILES: Well, she's not here. What a marvelous opportunity for you and me to talk. SLOOK: I will not betray Glorificus. I will never talk, no matter what heinous torture- GILES: Actually, you're talking quite a lot, just not about the right things. Tell us why you're here. SLOOK: No words shall pass my lips that will bring peril to Glorificus. Giles doesn't take his eyes off the demon, but points with his hand. GILES: Girls, get the twine that's on the counter, let's tie him up. Willow and Anya turn away. We hear some sort of rustling noise and Slook begins to sob. The girls turn back in amazement. SLOOK: No, no! I'll tell you! Anything! Please! Whatever you want! Just, I'll, anything! The girls walk back over. ANYA: What happened? GILES: He changed his mind. SLOOK: I'm ... I'm supposed to watch. We're watching the Slayer's people ... while Glory fetches the key. Everyone looks alarmed. WILLOW: Glory knows who the key is? GILES: Oh god. (removes his glasses) ANYA: We've got to call Buffy. SLOOK: Too late. Too late. Glorificus will find the witch, and there's nothing you can do to stop her. ANYA: Witch? What do you mean? WILLOW: (horrified) Tara! Willow turns to run out. SLOOK: She's the new one among you. It wasn't hard to figure out. The glorious one will have found her by now. GILES: (yells) Willow, wait! I'll go with- WILLOW: No! Call Buffy a-and go look in Tara's room, I'm gonna check the fair. She runs out. Cut back to the fair. Glory is still sitting beside Tara and holding her hand as Tara looks at her with fear. GLORY: Oh, this is nice. Just hangin' out, just us girls. You like that sort of thing, don't you? Shot of their entwined hands. Glory squeezes and we hear bones cracking. Tara winces in pain. TARA: Aah... GLORY: Don't ... make a sound. Tara gasps and whimpers as Glory looks around at the other fair attendees. The people walk around not seeming to notice anything. GLORY: Nah. They won't help you. I'd kill them. You know that. Tara looks around desperately. Shot of three bicycle cops riding away. Overhead shot of the fair. GLORY: There's no one here that can stop me. Tara continues gasping and panting. GLORY: I'll kill her (shot of a random woman) and ... and them (shot of a random couple) I'll kill him, and her and her, (laughs) and it'll all be your fault. Shot of their hands. Glory's nails dig in and Tara's blood begins to drip out between their fingers. Tara continues whimpering softly in pain and breathing erratically. GLORY: Kinda funny, isn't it? All these people here and ... no one who can do a thing. Not a person who can help you. Tara whimpers and turns her head to look at Glory. GLORY: But that's people for ya. They're pretty worthless. (watches some people go by) But keys, on the other hand ... keys are worth a very lot. Glory smiles and brings their clenched hands up to lick off some of the blood. Then she makes a disgusted face and spits. GLORY: You lying little tramp! You're not the key, you're nothing! Just another worthless human being! TARA: I didn't- GLORY: I hate being lied to. It makes me feel so betrayed. (considers) Hey! (turns back to Tara) You wanna make it all better? Tara looks at her with fear. GLORY: If you tell me who the key really is ... I'll let you go. Tara looks alarmed. Glory gives her hand another squeeze and she whimpers again as we hear more bones crack. GLORY: Think about it. You think your hand hurts? Imagine what you'd feel with my fingers wiggling in your brain. (Tara looks very scared) It doesn't kill you. What it does ... is make you feel like you're in a noisy little dark room ... (Glory frowns and fidgets uncomfortably) naked and ashamed ... and there are things in the dark that need to hurt you because you're bad ... little pinching things that go in your ears ... (Tara begins to cry) and crawl on the inside of your skull. And you know ... that if the noise and the crawling would stop ... that you could remember how to get out. Glory contemplates this as Tara continues to cry quietly. Then Glory turns to look at Tara again. GLORY: But you never, ever will. Glory squeezes her hand again and Tara gives another cry of pain. GLORY: Who ... is ... the key? Tara forces herself to stop crying and look Glory in the eye, saying nothing. GLORY: Fine. Let's get crazy. Glory caresses the side of Tara's face with her other hand. Tara whimpers and tries to pull her face away. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act III [SCENE_BREAK] Open on an overhead shot of the fair. WILLOW: (OS) Tara! We see Willow running through the crowds. WILLOW: Tara! Shot of Tara and Glory on the bench. Willow runs toward them. WILLOW: By force of heart and mindful power, by waning time and waxing hour ... Glory puts her hand on Tara's head. People keep walking past and blocking them from view so it's difficult to tell what's happening. WILLOW: I echo Diana, um, when I decree ... uh, what is it, what is it? Shot of Glory with both her hands on Tara's temples. WILLOW: No! No! The light begins to stream out as Glory's fingers enter Tara's head. Both Tara and Glory cry out. Willow reaches the edge of the path but is blocked by the Chinese dragon people and has to stop. WILLOW: That she I love must now be free! Shot of Tara with Glory's fingers still in her head and the light streaming out as Tara makes a pained face. People continue walking past and blocking her from view. Shot of Willow straining to see around the people. WILLOW: Tara! The crowd clears momentarily and we see Tara sitting alone on the bench with her head lolling to one side. WILLOW: No! Willow runs over and sits on the bench, grabs Tara by the shoulders. Tara doesn't react or look at her. WILLOW: Tara, Tara, are you okay? TARA: It's dirty. It's all dirty. And all over me! She begins brushing at her stomach as if to brush off dirt. TARA: Dirty. Dirty. I'm bad. Bad. (whimpering) WILLOW: (crying) Tara. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Willow pulls Tara's head down onto her shoulder and rocks her gently. Overhead shot of them on the bench. People continue to walk by all around them. Cut to: interior hospital. Giles is looking at some X-rays of a hand that are posted on the wall. He removes his glasses and wipes his eyes as he turns and the camera pans across to reveal Anya and Xander, then Tara sitting on the edge of an exam table wearing a hospital gown. She looks straight ahead with a glazed expression. Her hand is bandaged. We see Willow sitting beside her. WILLOW: Can she go home now? We see the same doctor who fired Ben earlier. DOCTOR: Unfortunately, no. Hospital policy dictates we keep her for the night. WILLOW: But does she have to? I-I can take care of her at home. TARA: It's poisoned. (to Willow, matter-of-factly) Why don't I tell you that? It, it has to be checked, though. Willow looks sad. Tara looks confused. DOCTOR: She your sister? TARA: I-i-it has to be verified, of course. Anyone can tell you that. Of course. (looking from one person to the next) Of course, of course. WILLOW: (staring at Tara) She's my everything. DOCTOR: Well, you can get her released first thing in the morning. But she's gotta spend one night in the psych ward. Just for observation. We'll keep an eye on her, do a couple basic tests, then you can take her home. Does that sound fair? (Willow nods uncertainly) Well, sit tight then, and I'll send a nurse by in a few minutes to pick up Tara. The doctor leaves as Anya and Xander give Willow concerned looks. Willow stands and brushes hair back from Tara's face. XANDER: Man, words cannot express how much I hate this place. GILES: It's dreadful. ANYA: It's like communism. Buffy enters. BUFFY: Hey. Will, I'm so sorry. She hugs Willow, looking over her shoulder at Tara. Shot of Tara staring vaguely at nothing. Buffy and Willow pull apart. Willow has tears in her eyes. She looks at Tara who gives her a huge smile. TARA: They kill mice. Shot of Willow with tears on her cheeks. BUFFY: Tara. Buffy hugs Tara, who doesn't react. Buffy pulls back slowly and looks at Willow. BUFFY: I'm sorry it took me so long, but Dawn's safe with Spike, so I-I can stay as long as you need. Willow puts her hand over Tara's non-bandaged hand. WILLOW: (to Buffy) I'm so scared. Buffy puts her hand on Willow's cheek. SPIKE VOICEOVER: Nothin' to be worried about, kid. Cut to Spike leading Dawn through his underground cavern. Spike moves a little slowly and with a slight limp. Dawn holds a flashlight. SPIKE: No one's gonna hurt you. DAWN: Oh yeah? Same no one who did that to you? SPIKE: What, these? It's just a few bruises. We see that Spike is still looking very bruised and battered from his encounter with Glory in "Intervention." SPIKE: Nothin' to write home about. He stops and turns back to see Dawn's nervous expression. SPIKE: Hey, chin up, platelet. Don't get scared. Maybe Glory doesn't wanna kill you, maybe it's something- DAWN: Worse? Spike doesn't respond, walks a little more. Dawn sits down on a rock. Spike turns to watch her as she sits there looking scared, facing away from him. He slowly walks toward her. SPIKE: Hey. He puts out a hand to touch her hair, but pulls it back quickly as she turns back toward him. DAWN: You wanna know what I'm scared of, Spike? ... Me. (tearfully) Right now, Glory thinks Tara's the key. But I'm the key, Spike. I am. And anything that happens to Tara ... is 'cause of me. Your bruises, your limp ... that's all me too. I'm like a lightning rod for pain and hurt. (crying) And everyone around me suffers and dies. I ... must be something so horrible ... to cause so much pain ... and evil. SPIKE: (firmly) Rot. DAWN: (teary) What do you know? SPIKE: I'm a vampire. I know somethin' about evil. You're not evil. DAWN: Maybe ... I'm not evil. But I don't think I can be good. (looks up at Spike with a hopeful expression) SPIKE: (considers) Well, I'm not good, and I'm okay. Cut to Tara in a wheelchair. A nurse is trying to settle her into the chair. Tara pushes at the nurse's hands trying to stop her. TARA: (upset) Don't! Please don't with that treachery! She calms down slightly as the nurse goes around behind the wheelchair and begins to wheel her out. Tara looks up at Willow. TARA: I told the cat. And now I beg my mother sitting all alone. WILLOW: Bye, Tara. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you. Tara whimpers as the nurse wheels her out. We see her good hand reaching back toward Willow. Willow watches her go, tries to run after her but Xander steps into her path. XANDER: Willow. No. It's just for one night. (We see Buffy in the background leaning against the wall) WILLOW: Yeah, I-I know, but ... it's a whole night. I don't think I can sleep without her. ANYA: You can sleep with me. Everyone looks at Anya. ANYA: Well, now that came out a lot more lesbian than it sounded in my head. BUFFY: (comes forward) Will, you just have to rest. Okay? Right now there's nothing you can do. WILLOW: (ponders) Yes there is. (walks out the door) BUFFY: No. No way. Buffy chases Willow out into the hallway and stops her. BUFFY: You cannot even think about taking on Glory. WILLOW: You saw what she did to Tara. I can't let her get away with it. BUFFY: No. You *have* to let her get away with it. Even I'm no match for her, you know that. WILLOW: But maybe I am. She turns to go but Buffy grabs her arm. BUFFY: You're not. And I won't let you go. WILLOW: This is not your choice. It's mine. BUFFY: This is not the time. WILLOW: When, Buffy? When is? When *you* feel like it? When it's someone *you* love as much as I love Tara? When it's Dawn, is that it? BUFFY: When we have a chance. We'll fight her, when we have a chance. You wouldn't last five minutes with her, Willow. She's a god. WILLOW: (shakes her head sadly) Fine. I'll wait. BUFFY: It's the only way. WILLOW: (skeptical) Yeah. Willow starts to walk away. BUFFY: Can I do anything? WILLOW: (not turning back) Just let me be alone. Buffy watches her go with a concerned expression. Cut to: interior magic shop. Willow bursts in at a run. She runs straight to the stairs that lead up to the loft where the more dangerous stuff is kept. She goes up the stairs, takes a small black leather back from the top of a bookshelf, kneels, and begins pulling stuff off the shelves. She opens a drawer and takes out a jeweled dagger, puts it in the bag. She pulls books and vials off the shelves and puts them in the bag. She shoves books off the shelves every which way, finally pulls out one very large old book and puts it on the floor in front of her. Shot of the book cover reading Darkest Magick. The book has a metal lock holding it shut. Willow grabs a small axe from the shelf and hits the lock with it. The lock breaks and the book's pages flip open. The pages continue to flip past as if blown by a wind. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act IV [SCENE_BREAK] Open on Glory's apartment. Glory is coming down the stairs followed by her three minions. She walks a little unsteadily. GLORY: You know, I think I'm a little buzzed from eating that witch! What a mind she has. Mmm, nummy treat. JINX: Is your grace not the slightest bit concerned about- GLORY: What, about the Slayer? Don't be stupid. I know I'm closing in. The key's as good as mine. (the demons all smile) Girl like Buffy's got just so many friends. All I gotta do it rip through 'em one by one until I finally... She stops as the walls begin to shake and rattle. Knick-knacks on the walls fall over and smash to pieces. Glory and the demons look around in confusion. The lights darken. GLORY: Did anybody order an apocalypse? The door suddenly flies open, revealing Willow floating several inches above the floor. Her hair is blown back by an unseen wind. WILLOW: Kali, Hera, Kronos, Tonic... She floats into the room toward Glory as the minions flee. WILLOW: Air like nectar, thick as onyx... We see that her eyes are completely black. WILLOW: Cassiel by your second star... GLORY: Uhh. It's the lover. (walks forward) That's so cute. WILLOW: Hold mine victim as in tar. The air around Glory shimmers and she suddenly cannot move forward. She looks at Willow in surprise. WILLOW: I ... owe ... you ... pain! Blue lightning flashes out of Willow's hands toward Glory. Glory screams and clutches her shoulders. Cut to: Buffy and Dawn sitting together in Spike's cavern. Spike stands a little ways off. DAWN: It's all my fault. BUFFY: No. (brushes Dawn's hair back) Sweetheart, it is *not* your fault. DAWN: (teary) How's Willow? BUFFY: (continues stroking Dawn's hair) She was looking to go all payback-y on Glory for a minute. But I cooled her down a little. Actually a lot. SPIKE: So she's not gonna do anything rash then. BUFFY: No. I explained that there was no point. SPIKE: (walks a little closer) Mm-hmm. BUFFY: What? SPIKE: You - so you're saying that a ... powerful and mightily pissed-off witch ... was plannin' on going and spillin' herself a few pints of god blood until you, what, "explained"? Buffy frowns, looks at Dawn and back at Spike. BUFFY: You think she'd ... no. I told Willow it would be like suicide. SPIKE: I'd do it. Buffy stares at him. SPIKE: (looks down at the ground) Right person. Person I loved. (looks at Buffy) I'd do it. Buffy continues to stare at him as if not getting it. DAWN: Think, Buffy. If Glory had done that to me. Buffy glances at Spike, jumps up and races out. Cut back to Glory's apartment. WILLOW: Shatter. The mirrors in the room all shatter and the glass flies toward Glory, slicing her dress into shreds but not harming her. GLORY: Is that it? Is that the best you can do? You think I care about all this, the apartment, the clothes? She pulls off the shreds of her dress, revealing a black negligee underneath. She backhands Willow, who flies backward and topples over a sofa, landing on the floor. GLORY: Now, sucking on your girlfriend's mind? Willow lifts her head. Her eyes are still all black. GLORY: That was something to treasure. Willow gets to her feet, wearing a very angry expression. There's a small trickle of blood coming out of her mouth and down her chin. Shot of the black bag on the floor. It slides across the floor toward Willow, who turns to look at it. The bag opens of its own accord. GLORY: (amused) What's this? Bag of tricks? A bunch of daggers fly up out of the bag. WILLOW: Bag of knives. The daggers fly toward Glory, who bats them all aside. One buries itself in the wall. WILLOW: Spirit of serpents now appear. Glory picks up a coffee-table and throws it at Willow, knocking her down again. Willow braces herself up on her hands and looks back at Glory. WILLOW: Hissing, writhing, striking near. A snake appears out of the carpet Glory's standing on and winds itself around her leg. Shot of Willow still on the floor, panting and watching. Glory shakes her foot and the snake disappears in a puff of smoke. Glory walks forward. GLORY: Now this is getting weak. She grabs Willow by the throat and pulls her to a sitting position. GLORY: And so are you, honey. Aren't ya? Willow spits in her face. Glory looks startled. Glory grabs Willow's arm and drags her across the floor to where one of the daggers is lying. Glory scoops it up and continues dragging Willow. WILLOW: No! Glory pulls Willow up and shoves her against the wall, holding her by the throat. GLORY: Know what they used to do to witches, lover? (brings up her other hand with the dagger) Crucify 'em. Glory pulls her arm back to stab with the knife, but Buffy appears and grabs Glory's wrist. BUFFY: They used to bow down to gods. Glory smiles in delight. Buffy kicks her in the stomach and she lets go of Willow, who falls to the floor. Buffy twists Glory's arm aside, punches her. BUFFY: Things change. Buffy cartwheels across the floor to kick Glory in the face, punches her a few times, kicks her again, spins around to punch but Glory blocks. Buffy does a flip and kicks Glory in the face, comes back upright and throws another couple of punches which Glory evades. Glory pins Buffy's arm behind her back and throws her over a sofa. GLORY: That witch barely slowed me down. Glory glares at Buffy. Buffy kicks the sofa, which flies forward and pins Glory against the wall. Buffy runs over to Willow, helps her up. Glory shoves the sofa aside and stalks toward them. Buffy begins to lead Willow out. WILLOW: (over her shoulder) Thicken. The air around Glory thickens, rendering her immobile. Buffy and Willow run out. GLORY: (shouting) This isn't over, you hear me? It isn't over! She watches them go with an annoyed sigh. Cut to: exterior dorm building, day. Cut to inside Tara's room. Willow, Tara, Dawn, and Buffy sit on the bed. Tara's hand is still bandaged and she still stares blankly in front of her. Willow has one hand on Tara's knee. Buffy has a paper bag. She takes something out of it. BUFFY: Chicken salad? WILLOW: Right here. Buffy hands Willow the sandwich and continues taking wrapped sandwiches from the bag. BUFFY: Eggplant, that's me ... salami with ... (looks at the sandwich) ew, peanut butter? Dawn. (gives it to Dawn) DAWN: Yeah, like eggplant is normal. It's what, half egg, half plant? 'Cause that's just unnatural. Buffy continues unpacking sandwiches along with plastic bags full of grapes. WILLOW: What's Tara got? DAWN: Oh. (holds out a sandwich) I ... got her tuna. Does she like...? Willow draws Tara's attention to the sandwich. Buffy stops unpacking to look at them. DAWN: (gently) Tara? Dawn unwraps the sandwich to show Tara. Tara anxiously looks to Willow, then back at the sandwich. TARA: Plastic and their six sisters. Six sick sisters. (anxiously) Willow? WILLOW: It's okay. Let's just start slow today. Um, Buffy, could I have that? Buffy hands her a cup of applesauce and a plastic spoon. Willow opens it. WILLOW: Here you go. Willow spoons some applesauce into Tara's mouth. Tara eats it uncertainly. WILLOW: That's my girl. Buffy looks on with a sad expression as Willow continues feeding Tara. DAWN: Can I help? Willow nods, gives Dawn the cup and spoon. Tara gives Willow an anxious look but accepts the food from Dawn. Willow looks over at Buffy. BUFFY: What are you gonna need? WILLOW: I don't know. They gave me a lot of stuff to ... keep her calm. They both look at Tara, still being fed by Dawn. WILLOW: (quietly) They said I might have to restrain her at night. But ... sometimes she's fine. She looks at me, and ... she's fine. Tara makes an unhappy face. BUFFY: I'm sorry I couldn't- WILLOW: It's okay. I can do this. I'm gonna take care of her. Even if she never... Dawn looks up at this. WILLOW: (softly) She's my girl. Buffy looks sympathetically at Willow, looks at Dawn and plays with a lock of Dawn's hair. BUFFY: I understand. WILLOW: (nods) I know you do. They give each other small smiles. WILLOW: (to Tara) Hear that, baby? (Tara looks at her) You're my always. Willow kisses Tara on the forehead. Tara smiles. Suddenly the entire outside wall smashes to pieces, exposing them to the outside. Dawn and Buffy jump up in alarm. Sunlight streams in. Glory appears in the window, which is now just a broken frame with shards of glass hanging in it. GLORY: I told you this wasn't over. TARA: No. The place is cracking! It's cracking! Cracking, no, no, no! Dawn looks anxiously at Tara as Willow tries to calm her. DAWN: No, Tara, it's okay. TARA: (gasping, staring at Dawn) Oh, look at that, look at that. The light! Buffy is staring at Glory but turns to look at Tara at this. TARA: Oh, it's so pure! Such pure green energy! Dawn gasps and looks over at Glory in fear. Glory begins to smile. TARA: (still staring at Dawn) Oh, it's so beautiful. Glory's smile widens. Dawn looks fearfully at Buffy. Buffy turns to glare at Glory. Blackout. Executive Producer: Joss Whedon.

Plan: A: Willow; Q: Who swears revenge on Glory? A: Tara; Q: Who is attacked by Glory? A: an argument; Q: What do Willow and Tara get into? A: the Key; Q: What does Glory think Tara is? A: her error; Q: What does Willow discover? A: Tara's mind; Q: What is partially sucked out? Summary: Willow and Tara get into an argument, leaving Tara vulnerable to be attacked by Glory, who thinks she is the Key. After discovering her error, Tara's mind is partially sucked out and Willow swears revenge.

[ Planet ] Clara: There's no way out of this. We're going to die here. The Doctor: Pass me the vibro-cutters. Clara: They're in my pocket. The Doctor: Come on then, pass them to me. Clara: In my other jacket. At home. The Doctor: Why have you got two jackets? Is one of them faulty? Clara: Look, I don't have the vibro-cutters. If I had the vibro-cutters, I wouldn't be able to pass you the vibro-cutters. We're going to starve to death out here. The Doctor: Of course we won't starve. The sand piranhas will get us long before that. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Pub ] Clara: Hiya. Sorry I'm late. Danny: You're not, but you are brown; you're very brown. You weren't that brown this morning. Clara: Sunbed. I'll get 'em in. Usual? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Clara's place ] The Doctor: Fish people. Clara: What are they like? The Doctor: Fish. And people. Come and see. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Taxi ] Clara: How's you? Danny: Evening. Nice frock. It's a bit wet. Clara: Freak shower. Danny: Is that seaweed? Clara: I said freak. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Corridor ] Clara: How much further? The Doctor: TARDIS has got to be round this corner. I hate soldiers. Don't you hate soldiers? Clara: Yeah. The Doctor: Just keep running! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Clara's place ] Clara: Oh, yeah. Danny. Hiya. Danny: Morning. Ready to run? [ OUT OF BREATH ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ Clara's bedroom ] Clara: I can't keep doing this. I can't do it. Yes, I can, I can do it, of course I can do it. I've got it all under control. [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] Clara: So, where we off to? The Doctor: Clara, you, you look lovely today. Have you had a wash? Clara: Why are you being nice? The Doctor: Because it works on you. Listen, I'm sorry but there's going to be no trip today. I'm sorry. Er, I've got to do a thing. It might take a while. Clara: What thing? The Doctor: Just a thing. Clara: You're being mysterious, and do you know what means? The Doctor: I'm a man of mystery. Clara: Hmm. It means that you are a very clever man making the mistake, common to very clever people, of assuming that everybody else is stupid. Where are you going? The Doctor: Undercover. Deep cover. Clara: Can you do deep cover? The Doctor: What do you mean? Clara: Have you seen you? The Doctor: Of course I can do deep cover! Clara (giggles): Where, the Magic Circle? The Doctor: I'll see you when I see you. Clara: When's that? The Doctor: When I see you. Clara: Hmm. Hmm. I'll be sure to have a wash. The Doctor: Excellent. I was meaning to bring it up. [SCENE_BREAK] [ School playground ] Teacher: You lot! Not here. Over there. Courtney: Morning, Mister Pink. Danny: Morning, Courtney. And good morning, Miss Oswald. Clara: Morning, Mister Pink. [ PUPILS GIGGLE ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ School corridor ] Clara: Do they know? Danny: Possibly - they're children. It's like they've got minds of their own. Are you OK? Clara: Yeah, course I'm OK. Why wouldn't I be OK? Danny: I dunno. Every time I see you, it's like you're... Clara: What? Danny: In a rush. In a state. In a space helmet, one time. Clara: Sorry. Er, I've had a... thing and, er, the thing's gone, so I'm all yours. Danny: What thing? What's gone? Clara: Nothing. Danny: It's like you're trying to be mysterious. I'm not stupid, you know. Clara: The next few days are all about you. I promise. [ PUPILS GIGGLE ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ Staffroom ] Armitage: Which means, Jo, you'll have to cover for 8/4M in L3. Hold on, there is just one more thing. Atif's off sick, so we've got a newbie, I did ask him to come along. [ KNOCK AT DOOR ] Armitage: Ah, here he is. The Doctor: I'm the new caretaker. John Smith. Danny: Welcome to Coal Hill, Mister Smith. The Doctor: Thanks. Yes, John Smith's the name. But, you know, here's a thing. Most people just call me the Doctor. The Doctor: So, if anybody needs me, just, you know, give me a shout. I'll be in the storeroom just getting the lie of the land. The Doctor: Yes, no body's taking any notice at all. Absolutely good news because it means I must be coming across just as an absolutely boring human being like you. The Doctor: Deep cover. Deep cover. [SCENE_BREAK] [ School corridor ] Danny: Do you know him? Clara: Know who? Danny: The caretaker, Smith. The Doctor. Clara: Never seen him before in my life. Danny: Bit intense looking. Did you see those eyebrows? Did he wink at you? Clara: No, I think that was just a sort of general wink, you know? He winked at everybody. It was a general welcoming wink. Ah, I have, er, left some marking. Assembly. Chop-chop. Off you pop. Catch you in a bit. Excuse me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Staffroom ] The Doctor: So, you recognised me, then. Clara: You're wearing a different coat. The Doctor: But you saw straight through that. Clara: Deep cover in my school? Why? Where's Atif, what have you done with him? The Doctor: He's fine. Hypnotised. He thinks he's got the 'flu. Also a flying car and three wives. It's going to be a rude awakening. Clara: Is it aliens? Oh, my God, is that why you're here? Are there aliens? The Doctor: It's assembly. You'd better get going. Go and worship something. Clara: Are there aliens in this school? The Doctor: Listen, it's lovely talking to you, but I've really got to get on. I'm a caretaker now. Look, I've got a brush. Clara: Doctor, is there an alien in this school? The Doctor: Yes, me. Now, go. The walls need sponging and there's a sinister puddle. Clara: You can't do this. You cannot pass yourself off as a real person among actual people. The Doctor: I lived among otters once for a month. Well, I sulked. River and I, we had this big fight Clara: Human beings are not otters! The Doctor: Exactly. It'll be even easier. Clara: OK. One question. And you will answer this question. Are the kids safe? The Doctor: No. Nobody is safe. But soon the answer will be yes, everybody is safe, if you let me get on. Now, pretend you don't know me. Stay out of my way. The less you know, the better. I'll explain it all later. Go and sing with the otters. Clara: I hate you. The Doctor: That's fine. That's a perfectly normal reaction. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Street ] Noah: Basically, you've to get that guy on the block and stop that other one shooting him. It's so sick. Yashe: I, I got that guy. That was, like, six months ago. You actually have to do is flick it that way. Noah: Nah, but I'm saying Matthew: You Coal Hill kids? Noah: Yeah? So what if we are? Matthew: Then get to Coal Hill. Yashe: We've got a free period, mate. Matthew: You want me to take your names? Yashe: Come on. This is unfair, mate. [ RATTLING ] Matthew: Always come in threes. Oi! I know you're in there. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Building ] Matthew: Hello? I'm a police officer. There's no point hiding. Do you hear me? Come on, kiddo. Blitzer: Five stop intruder. Five stop intruder. Matthew: Turn your game off. It's time for school. Come on. Stop messing about! Blitzer: Problem, solution: destroy! [ HE SCREAMS ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ Classroom ] Kelvin: Though unheard by Lydia, was caught by Elizabeth, and as it assured her that Darcy was... Kelvin: You all right, Miss Oswald? Clara: Yes, Kelvin, I'm fine. You carry on. Kelvin: Every feeling of displeasure against the former was so sharpened Clara: Can I help you, Mister Smith? The Doctor: Wrong. Clara: I'm sorry? The Doctor: On the board. Wrong. Wrong. Clara: Oh, no, no, no, no. You don't do this. You are the caretaker, this is not what you do. The Doctor: Just taking care. Clara: Not your area! The Doctor: Jane Austen wrote Pride and Prejudice in 1796. [ SHE CLEARS THROAT ] Clara: This is Mister Smith, the temporary caretaker, and he's a bit confused. The Doctor: Not in 1797, because she didn't have the time. She was so busy doing all Clara: Oh, What? I suppose she was your bezzie mate, was she? And you went on holidays together and then you got kidnapped by Boggons from space and then you all formed a band and met Buddy Holly. The Doctor: No, I read the book. There's a bio at the back. [ PUPILS GIGGLE ] Clara: Get down. The Doctor: Boggons? Clara: Go. [ BELL RINGS ] Clara: Right, that's it. Well done, Kelvin. Get going. See you all in a couple of days. Thanks very much. Kelvin: Miss, what about our homework? Clara: Who asks for homework? Amateur. [SCENE_BREAK] [ School corridor ] Tobias: Miss Oswald Clara: Hello, Tobias, can't really stop. Tobias: I'm in the football team against Durrants on Thursday. Sorry, but can I go early from English Thursday afternoon? Clara: Tobias, you can do whatever you want. Armitage: Ah, Clara, can I grab a quick word? Clara: Actually, I, er yes. Armitage: Two weeks Saturday, the fete, can I put you down for tombola and the raffle? James H can't cover it now. His wife's going into hospital. Hip replacement. Constant agony. CLARA: Great. No, awful. That's terrible. Awful. I hope she'll be OK. Er, I'll do anything. Anything. OK, bye. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Courtyard ] Courtney: Miss Oswald, Katie Sharps says I pulled her hair in Biology. Clara: Courtney, you are big enough to look after yourself. Next class, jog on, I need to talk to Mister Pink. Courtney: Ozzie loves the Squaddie. Clara: What was that? Courtney: Nothing. Adrian: Of course, Danny Pink here is your man, Mister Smith. Five years' military experience, sergeant, here and Afghan, so electrics, boilers, if you need a hand, give him a shout. Danny: I, I've helped Atif with a couple of things. The Doctor: I'm sure I won't need you, Sergeant. Fully qualified. You best get back to your PE class. Danny: Oh, I teach maths. The Doctor: Do you? What, in emergencies? Danny: No. I'm a maths teacher. Adrian: Yeah, he's a maths teacher [ GLASS SMASHES ] Adrian: Mohammed, put that down! The Doctor: How does that work? What if the kids have questions? Danny: About what? The Doctor: Maths. Danny: I answer them. I'm a maths teacher. The Doctor: But he said you were a soldier. Danny: Yeah. I was a soldier, now I'm a maths teacher. The Doctor: But what about all the PE? Danny: I don't teach PE. I'm not a PE teacher. The Doctor: Sorry, that seems very unlikely. Clara: Er, excuse me. Mister Pink, I think class 9M4 are waiting. The Doctor: Yes, you better run along, Sergeant. That ball isn't going to kick itself, is it? Danny: I-I'm not a PE teacher, I'm a maths teacher. The Doctor: Nope, sorry. No, I can't retain that. I've tried. It's just not going in. Clara: So, Pink? The name remind you of anything? The Doctor: Yeah. The colour. Clara: Colonel Orson Pink? The guy we met at the end of the universe. The Doctor: Oh, yeah. OK, yeah. Same name, doesn't look anything like him though. Clara: Looks very like him. The Doctor: Does he? I don't know. Who remembers a PE teacher? Clara: Oh, never mind. What are you doing? What, what's in there? The Doctor: So, is he here then? Clara: Is who here? The Doctor: The one that you keep going on serious dates with. Clara: If he is, are you going to start talking like a normal human being? The Doctor: I promise I won't. I'm being nice. Clara: Doctor Adrian: Clara. Got this period free, yes? Clara: No. Yes. Adrian: Great. Shakespeare. Clara: Sorry, what, Adrian? The Doctor: Oh, I see. Clara: You see what? The Doctor: Nothing. Nothing at all. Adrian: Excuse me. We have to talk about The Tempest. [SCENE_BREAK] [ School corridor ] Adrian: In light of the changes to the sixth form Shakespeare module, blah-de-blah. Clara: Yes, sorry, of course. The Doctor: Yes, yes, no, of course, of course, yes. Don't mind this old man. You two kids just pop off together. Clara: Why are you talking like an idiot? The Doctor: I'm a caretaker. Don't mind me. Adrian: What we have to get across, I feel, is that fascinating enigma of its not-finishedness. Clara: Mmm, yes, good point, Ade. The Doctor: Oh, Clara. The Doctor: What does that mean? Kids. What's the matter with kids today? [SCENE_BREAK] [ School playground ] Boy (O.C.): Shoot! Yes! Clara: Hey, I said you could play chess, I did not say you could play football on the chessboard. Jack, Morgan, come on, help me out, clear it up. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Outside storeroom ] The Doctor: And one for luck. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storeroom ] The Doctor: OK. Now we're in business. Let's see the lie of the land. Time to see what's going on. Courtney: Hello? Oi. What are you doing? Are you in there? The Doctor (O.C.): Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the most dangerous of them all? Courtney: There's been a spillage in Geography, I need some paper towels. The Doctor: Can't you read? Courtney: Course I can read. Read what? The Doctor: The door. It says, Keep Out. Courtney: No, it says, Go Away Humans. The Doctor: Oh, so it does. Never lose your temper in the middle of a door sign. Courtney: What was you doing in there? What's that box? The Doctor: The caretaker's box. Every caretaker has their own box. Courtney: It says Police. The Doctor: Exactly, there's a policeman in there, in case of emergencies and children. Towels, there, g-g-go. Courtney: What was that green glow? There was a green glow coming from in there. What was it? The Doctor: Of course there was. What's a policeman without a death ray? [ BELL RINGS ] The Doctor: Oh, listen, there's the bell. Off you go. Haven't you got shoplifting to go to? Courtney: I'm going to tell the Headmaster. The Doctor: Oh, yes, fine. Well, cut along, you're running out of time. Courtney: For what? The Doctor: Everything. Human beings have incredibly short life spans. Frankly, you should all be in a permanent state of panic. Tick tock, tick tock. Courtney: You're weird. The Doctor: Yes, I am. What about you? Courtney: I'm a disruptive influence. The Doctor: Good to meet you. Courtney: And you. The Doctor: Now get lost. Courtney: OK. Courtney: Hello, miss. Love to the Squaddie. Clara: Sorry, what did you say? What was she doing in here? The Doctor: Paper towels. Now, I imagine you have many questions. Fire away. I won't answer any of them. Clara: What were they like? The Doctor: What were who like? Clara: The others before me. Did they let you get away with this kind of thing? This school is in danger. The Doctor: Well, it's lucky I'm here, then. Clara: From you. The Doctor: Me? Clara: You wouldn't be here if there wasn't an alien threat nearby. Your strategy for dealing with it involves endangering this school. The Doctor: You don't know that. Clara: I don't know anything because you haven't told me anything, which means I wouldn't approve, which means you are endangering this school. Clara: What's that? The Doctor: It's a scanner. I'm scanning. Why do I keep you around? Clara: Because the alternative would be developing a conscience of your own. Scanning for what? The Doctor: Any alien technology in this vicinity should show up. I used to have a teacher exactly like you once. Clara: You still do. Pay attention. Clara: What the hell is it? The Doctor: A Skovox Blitzer. One of the deadliest killing machines ever created. Probably homed in here because of artron emissions. You've had enough of them in this area over the years. There's enough explosive in its armoury to take out the whole planet. Clara: Then leave it alone. The Doctor: Sooner or later it will creep from its hidey-hole and some military idiot will try to attack it. The Doctor: The world is full of PE teachers. [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] Clara: So, your insanely dangerous plan is? Clara: A new watch. Tiny bit disappointed. The Doctor: This is a very special watch. Clara: Doctor? Oi! Ow! Did you just flick my nose? You're invisible. Ha, ha! Oh, my God, that's incredible. The Doctor (O.C.): Correct. I am invisible and I am incredible. It's simply a matter of reversing light waves. Hang on, I'm coming back. Clara: All right, where are you? The Doctor: So, I give the Blitzer a tiny whiff of non-threatening alien tech, I lead it back here, but I don't want it to scan me, hence invisible. Clara: So you're, you're leading the thing here? To a school? My, my school? The Doctor: My school? Oh, that is telling. This is the only suitably empty place in the area. I've set up a circle of time mines around the school. Chronodyne generators. Bit unstable. The Doctor: I switch them on, the Blitzer gets sucked into a big old time vortex, billions of years into the future. It's dead easy. Tiny bit boring. I'll need a book and a sandwich. Clara: And me. You're not doing this alone. The Doctor: I don't need you this time. I'll see you tomorrow. We'll go somewhere nice. Ancient Egypt. Crocodilopolis. They worship a big crocodile there, so the name is a useful coincidence. Go and canoodle with your boyfriend. Come on. I wasn't born yesterday. Far from it. Clara: You did recognise him. The Doctor: Possibly reminded me of a certain dashing young time traveller. Clara: Oh, of course you recognised him. I. Sorry. Stupid. I, I underestimated you. The Doctor: It's easily done. There's a lot to estimate. Clara: And you, you like him? The Doctor: Yes, I like him very, very much. Go home and canoodle. Doctor's orders. Come on. Clara: Just this once, I'm doing what I'm told. The Doctor: Oh, sing hosanna. Clara: [ SIGHS WITH RELIEF ] So easy. [SCENE_BREAK] [ School playground ] Danny: Miss Oswald. Clara: Ah, Mister, Mister Pink. Danny: Are you still on for tonight? Cos you had your I'm about to cancel frown on. Clara: There's a specific frown? Danny: And I was going to say, it's OK, I might have a thing, so . Clara: A thing? Danny: Er, tomorrow instead? Clara: Tomorrow's parents' evening. Danny: Not all evening. Clara: No. Not all evening. Danny: What do you think of him? Clara: Er, who? The caretaker? Danny: Where did he come from? What was he before? He doesn't seem like a caretaker. Clara: Well, he speaks very highly of you. Danny: Anyway. Good night, Miss Oswald. Clara: Good night, Mister Pink. [SCENE_BREAK] [ School ] The Doctor: And we're off. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Building ] The Doctor: Home, sweet home. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storeroom ] Clara: Canoodling cancelled, if you need a hand. Doctor? You invisible? I am so going to confiscate that watch. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Building ] The Doctor (O.C.): Where are you, my sleeping beauty? The Doctor (O.C.): Gotcha. Let's dance! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Outside storeroom ] Clara: Doctor? Where are you? Danny: Hello? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Alley ] Blitzer: Nine stop query rescan. Target reacquired success success. [SCENE_BREAK] [ School ] The Doctor (O.C.): Come on, come on, come on. The Doctor (O.C.): Gangway! Not far now. Come on. Blitzer: Nine stop parsing data pursue. The Doctor (O.C.): Bingo. Blitzer: Target reacquired. Danny: Hello? [SCENE_BREAK] [ School hall ] The Doctor: What? Red? Red. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Blitzer: Range one point four nine scan complete problem problem. The Doctor: Listen. I'm unarmed. I'm peaceful. Don't you understand? I, I know that you shouldn't be on this planet but I can help you with that. I... Blitzer: Problem, solution: destroy! Danny: I want a word with you. The Doctor: Get back! Blitzer: Problem, solution: destroy! Danny: No! Get away from me! Blitzer: Temporal disrupt. Warning warning. Temporal failure. Clara: No! No, no, no, no! Doctor, stop! Doctor! Blitzer: Warning system failure. Abort. Abort. The Doctor: Oh, oh, well done, PE, brilliant work. What's this? A chronodyne generator? I'll just deactivate that, shall I? I've got a swimming certificate so that qualifies me to meddle with higher technology. Never mind that some people are actually trying to save the planet. Oh, no. There's only room in my head for cross-country and the offside rule. Clara: Danny, what are you doing here? Danny: I was checking up on him. He's been up to something, fiddling with the electric, but what the? No. What? Did you see that thing? Tell me you saw that thing. Clara: I saw the thing, yeah. Doctor, are we safe? Is the planet safe? It's gone? The Doctor: Yes, yes, yes, yes, for the moment. But the thing is, you see, the chronodyne generators have to be precisely aligned to generate the vortex. But the sergeant here, he went and moved one. Clara: But the chronodyne worked. It's gone. The Doctor: But not far enough. The vortex will open here again, but not in a billion years. Clara: Then when? The Doctor: Er, 74 hours. Three days? Three days to think of something new because now it knows what to expect. Now it has scanned me and it will kill me on sight, thanks to PE here. Danny: Clara, why are you talking to him like that? Why are you using words like chronodyne? Was that thing a space thing? Oh. Oh, my God, you're from space. You're a spacewoman. You said you were from Blackpool. Clara: It's a play! For the summer fete. The Doctor: It's a what? Clara: Yes, it's a play. Shut up, it is a play. We are rehearsing a play. Shh, shh, shh, shh. A surprise play. And, er, you see, the vortex thing is, is a lighting effect. Very clever. And that thing is, is one of the kids. In fancy dress. Really, really good fancy dress. Danny: How stupid do you think I am? The Doctor: I'm willing to put a number on it. Danny: I'm not a moron, Clara. And he's not the caretaker. He's your dad. Your space dad. The Doctor: Oh, genius. That is, that is really, really brilliant reasoning. How can you think that I'm her dad when we both look exactly the same age? Clara: We do not look the same age. The Doctor: I was being kind. Right, I'm going to hypnotise him. I'm going to erase his memory. Clara: Doctor, stop! The Doctor: Tiny little brain, only take a moment. Clara: He's my boyfriend. The Doctor: Well, I'll try not to erase the whole thing. I'll leave the bits that. Clara: He's my boyfriend. I thought you'd figured this out. The Doctor: Him? Clara: Yes, him. The Doctor: No, he's not. Clara: Yes, he is. Danny: Yes, I am. The Doctor: But he's a PE teacher. You wouldn't go out with a PE teacher. It's a mistake. You've made a boyfriend error. Danny: I am not a PE teacher. I am a maths teacher. The Doctor: You're a soldier. Why would you go out with a soldier? Why not get a dog or a big plant? Clara: Because I love him! The Doctor: Why would you say that? Is this part of the surprise play? Clara: (sighs) There is no surprise play. The Doctor: Oh, it's a roller coaster with you tonight, isn't it? What about the handsome one, the one with the bow tie? Clara: Who? Adrian? No, no, no. He's just a friend and not my type. Danny: Clara, are you going to explain any of this? Who is this guy? Clara: The Doctor is The Doctor: Go on. Danny: Yes, explain. Who is he? Why have you never mentioned him? Clara: Because he's an alien. Danny: Er, are you an alien? Clara: No, no, no, I'm still from Blackpool. Me and the Doctor, we travel through time and space. The Doctor: Exhibit A. Clara: It's called a TARDIS, but it's disguised as an old police phone box. The Doctor: It's bigger on the inside. Clara: And it's bigger on the inside than the outside. The Doctor: Voila. Clara: And we travel the universe in it. Danny: And what about that thing? Did you bring that here? The Doctor: No. I'm going to protect you from that thing. Danny: You said it was coming back. The Doctor: Yes, it is coming back, thanks to you. Danny: This is a school. We have to evacuate, call the Army. The Doctor: And that is the most dangerous thing right there. The Doctor: Are you sure hypnotising's not on the menu? Clara: Yes. Danny: But we need to get help. This is an emergency. The Doctor: Look, take him away. Shut him up, shut him down. Up or down, it doesn't matter to me. I've got a lot of work to do. Again. Clara: Will you be OK? The Doctor: Why wouldn't I be OK? I was fine till you two blundered in. Danny: Am I just being ignored? Clara: Come on, Danny. It's all right, it's. Come on, it's all fine. You'll be OK. Let's er, get those legs moving. That's it, down those stairs. Yep, that's it. This can all be explained and everything will be fine. The Doctor: And when this is all over, you can finish the job. Clara: How do you mean? The Doctor: Well, you've explained me to him. You haven't explained him to me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Danny's place ] Clara: What do you think? Say something. Danny: So, there's an alien, that used to look like Adrian. Then he turned into a Scottish caretaker and every now and then, when I'm not looking, you elope with him. Clara: I don't elope. Danny: Do you love him? Clara: No. Danny: Really had enough of the lies. Clara: Not in that way. Danny: What other way is there? Clara: You know what I mean. Danny: I don't know what you mean. I know what you tell me, which isn't always the truth. Clara: Danny Danny: Why do you do it? Why do you fly off in the box with him? The truth. Please, just this once. Clara: Because it's amazing. Because I see wonders. Danny: OK. Clara: What are you thinking? Danny: That's a good question. It's funny, you only really know what someone thinks of you when you know what lies they've told you. I mean, you say you've seen wonders, you've seen amazing things, and you kept them secret from me. So what do you think of me, Clara? Clara: Please, tell me how I fix this. Danny: I just want to know who you are. Clara: You know who I am. Danny: When you're with him. When you're with the Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Outside storeroom ] Clara: OK, I think we've just got time before parents' evening. Danny: An invisibility watch? Not even a ring. Clara: Press the button on the side, you're invisible. You'll see me with the Doctor, the other me. The exactly the same other me. OK? [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] The Doctor: Afternoon. Thanks for keeping out of my way. You haven't brought Dave with you, I hope. Clara: His name's Danny. And no, I haven't. I've er, I explained it all to him. He gets it. He took it really well. The Doctor: Pass me that synestic. Clara: So, when the Blitzer comes back, are you going to catch him with that? The Doctor: It'll be a long, fiddly job. It's going to take me at least twenty four hours. Even longer if people keep talking to me, so do keep going. Clara: If it comes back Thursday night, are you sure about that? Cos you said the chronodyne is unstable. The Doctor: If you want bother someone, go and bother PE. Clara: He's a maths teacher. The Doctor: That's a shame, I like maths. Clara: Not a soldier. The Doctor: Interesting. Clara: What is? The Doctor: I'm bored. Let's go somewhere fun. What do you say? Do you want to see the Thames frozen over? Oh, those frost fairs. Clara: But you can't. The Skovox thing. The Doctor: It's a time machine. We can get back straightaway, like we always do on your dates. Just make sure you don't get yourself a tan or anything, or lose a limb. Clara: I don't think we should, not this time. The Doctor: You've never said no before. Not even in the middle of dinner. Remember when you had to eat two meals in a row? Clara: I just think, with the school in danger Clara: Danny, why are you? Danny: He already knows I'm here. That's why he's talking like that. He's being clever. The Doctor: Now you mention it, being a Time Lord, I can feel a light shield aura when it's right next to me. Danny: Oh ho, ho. Time Lord? Might have known. The Doctor: Might have known what? Danny: Well, the accent's good, but you can always spot the aristocracy. It's in the, the attitude. Clara: Danny. Danny: Now, Time Lords, do you salute those? The Doctor: Definitely not. Danny: Ah. Sir! The Doctor: And you do not call me sir. Danny: As you wish, sir. Absolutely, sir. The Doctor: And you can get out of my TARDIS! Danny: Immediately, sir. Clara: Doctor, this is stupid, this is unfair. Danny: One thing, Clara. I'm a soldier, guilty as charged. You see him? He's an officer. The Doctor: I am not an officer! Danny: I'm the one who carries you out of the fire. He's the one who lights it. The Doctor: Out. Now. Danny: Right away, sir. Straight now? The Doctor: Yes. Danny: Am I dismissed? The Doctor: Yes, you are! Danny: That's him. Look at him, right now. That's who he is. The Doctor: On balance, I think that went quite well. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storeroom ] Clara: Danny, it's not time to go home yet. It's parents' evening. The Doctor: Humans. I never learn. Courtney: What's in the box? It's not really a policeman, is it? The Doctor: You want to know what's in that box? I'll tell you what's in that box. It's a time machine. It also travels in space. And it usually contains a man who just wants to get on with his work of preventing the end of the world, but keeps being interrupted by boring little humans. Courtney: Cool. So, that's really a spaceship? The Doctor: I'm serious. I'm trying to save this planet. Courtney: End of the world for me tonight, whatever you do. Parents' evening. The Doctor: Is your name really Disruptive Influence? Courtney: Courtney Woods. Can I go in space? The Doctor: I'll let you know. I may have a vacancy. But not right now. The Doctor: Two days. I can do it. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Gym ] Armitage: Right, are we quorate? Time to admit the hordes. And look who's at the front of the queue. Adrian: Who are they? Clara: Courtney Woods' mum and dad. Adrian: Can someone else do them first? Danny: No problem, Ade. I can cope with anything tonight. Armitage: Oh, happy days. [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] The Doctor: No, no, no. No! No, no, no, no, no! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Gym ] Danny: I would say yes, I'm afraid Courtney is a disruptive influence. Mr. Woods: Yeah, but last year you said she was a very disruptive influence. Mrs. Woods: So, I suppose that counts as an improvement. [ HE CLEARS HIS THROAT LOUDLY ] Danny: Excuse me, I think the caretaker wants me. Clara: Sorry, Mrs Christodolou, I think er, I think the caretaker wants me too. Mrs. Christopholou: But what about my Angelina? Clara: Yeah, she's great, yeah, a really great girl, A plus, ten out of ten, top of the class. Sorry. Although, actually, handwriting could be better. Armitage: I'm sure they'll be back in a moment. Mrs. Woods: Looks like our Courtney was right about those two. [SCENE_BREAK] [ School playground ] Clara: What's happening? The Doctor: Clara, the vortex is opening. Danny: You said Thursday night. Right, hall, quick. The Doctor: PE, shut up. Clara, it'll scan the area. If it gets to parents' evening, it'll kill them all. Danny: We've got to evacuate. The Doctor: Shut up! Clara: Quickly. What do I do? The Doctor: It'll be here any second. Get to the hall. The Doctor: Give it some squirts of helicon energy, setting number forty one. No more than three seconds each, random pulses. Distract it, then you lead it away from the hall, give me two minutes. Clara: Then what? The Doctor: Just run straight to the TARDIS. Danny: But your gadget isn't ready yet. Twenty four hours, you said. The Doctor: Yes, well, I've revised that down to two minutes. Probably. Clara, go. Clara: On my way. Danny: You're using her like a decoy? The Doctor: No, not like a decoy. As a decoy. Don't they teach you anything at stupid school? Danny: Well, is there anything I can do? The Doctor: Yes. Yes, and this is very, very important. Leave us alone! [SCENE_BREAK] [ School hall ] Blitzer: Disrupt temporal lock. Disengaged scan. Clara: Here we go. Blitzer: Incoming-stop-identified-HELICON-HELICON-commence-retargeting. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Corridor ] Blitzer (O.C.): Target acquired. Destroy. [SCENE_BREAK] [ School playground ] Blitzer: Target within range. Blitzer: Problem, solution: destroy! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storeroom ] Blitzer: Destroy. Destroy. Clara: Doctor, now! It's got to be now! The Doctor: Twenty seconds. Blitzer: Destroy! Destroy! Clara: Doctor! The Doctor: Am I green? Am I green? Clara: You're green! The Doctor: Stop! Skovox Blitzer! Blitzer: Awaiting orders. The Doctor: Skovox-Artificer. Analyse-stop-analyse-stop. Blitzer: Superior-recognised-pattern-110-orders-orders. Clara: Why's it listening to you? The Doctor: Listening to its superior. This is a rough copy. It thinks I'm its general. Initiate input. Commence shutdown protocol. No conflict. Conclusion? Blitzer: Problem solution. The Doctor: Conclusion. Blitzer: Final-input-code-missing. Emergency-terminate. Initiate-self-destruct- in...nine...eight... The Doctor: The input code. I forgot the final input code. Skovox Blitzer: ..seven-six-five... Clara: Do it now! The Doctor: I need time. Distract it, Clara! Clara: Me? What can I do? Blitzer: Three two one. Danny (O.C.): Oi, Skovox. Over here. Blitzer: Under attack. The Doctor: Artificer-Artificer-stop-confirm- stop-override-final-input-code. Blitzer: Code-accepted. Abort-self-destruct. Orders-accepted-stop-stop-stop. Clara: Oh, my God! Oh, my God, you were amazing! Oh, my God, you were so brilliant. Danny: Well, yeah, I was OK, wasn't I? I was behind you every step of the way. Had to make sure you were safe. You OK? The Doctor: OK. Clara: Just OK? Danny: It's all right, it doesn't matter. I don't need him to like me. It doesn't matter if he likes me or hates me, I just need to do exactly one thing for you. Doctor, am I right? The Doctor: Yes. Clara: What? What one thing? Danny: I need to be good enough for you. That's why he's angry. Just in case I'm not. Clara: He, er, he did just save the whole world. The Doctor: Yeah, yeah. Good start. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Space ] The Doctor (O.C.): Farewell, Skovox Blitzer. Have a nice war. So, Courtney Woods, impressed yet? [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] Courtney: Actually, I'm feeling a bit ill. The Doctor: Ah, it can be a bit overwhelming. But look. The Olveron Cluster. A million stars, a hundred million inhabited planets. The Doctor: Ah, yes. There has been a spillage. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Danny's place ] Clara: So, what do you think of him now? Danny: Of the Doctor? Clara: Yeah. See, he's all right, isn't he, really, underneath it all. Clara: OK. Tell me what you're thinking. Danny: I know men like him. I've served under them. They push you and make you stronger, till you're doing things you never thought you could. I saw you tonight. You did exactly what he told you. You weren't even scared. And you should have been. Clara: I trust him. He's never let me down. Danny: Fine. If he ever pushes you too far, I want you to tell me, because I know what that's like. You'll tell me if that happens, yeah? Clara: Yeah, it's a deal. Danny: No. It's a promise. Clara: OK. I promise. Danny: And if you break that promise, Clara, we're finished. Clara: Don't say that. Danny: I'm saying it because if you don't tell me the truth, I can't help you. And I could never stand not being able to help you. We clear? Clara: Yes. We're clear. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Corridor ] Matthew: It was mad. It was like in a film or on the telly like, with science fiction guns. Seb: Skovox Blitzer, sounds like. We've had a few in from that. Wouldn't feel too bad. Matthew: If I hadn't. If I hadn't. Hang on. That doesn't make sense. Seb: Makes perfect sense to me. Matthew: How did I escape? I, I don't remember how I got away. Seb: Well, I was coming to that. I'm afraid you really rather didn't. Matthew: Then how did I get here? Seb: Well. Big question. Matthew: Where am I? Seb: What name would you like? There's a range. The afterlife. The Promised Land. I'm partial to the Nethersphere. Matthew: My God. [ APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS ] Seb: Sorry, she's a bit er, busy today. So, any questions? [SCENE_BREAK] Hello, Earth. We have a terrible decision to make. An innocent life versus the future of all mankind. Whatever future humanity might have depends on the choice made right here, right now. Aaaarrgghh! Decision made.

Plan: A: two separate lives; Q: What is Clara trying to maintain? A: a school teacher; Q: What is Clara's other job? A: the caretaker; Q: What is the Doctor's cover at Coal Hill? A: the Doctor's trap; Q: What did Danny accidentally tamper with? A: 74 hours; Q: How many hours into the future was the Skovox Blitzer sent? A: Clara's double life; Q: What does Danny learn about Clara? A: a soldier; Q: What does the Doctor believe Clara made an error in dating? A: three; Q: How many people work together to trick the Skovox Blitzer? A: Danny warns; Q: Who warns Clara about the Doctor? A: A disintegrated community support officer; Q: What awakens in the Nethersphere? A: the promised land; Q: What is the Nethersphere also known as? A: Seb; Q: Who is Missy's assistant? Summary: Clara is trying to maintain two separate lives: one as the Doctor's companion, and the other as a school teacher in a relationship with Danny. The Doctor goes into deep cover as the caretaker at Coal Hill. Tracking the Skovox Blitzer, one of the deadliest machines created, he plans to displace it a billion years into the future where nothing else can be harmed. Danny accidentally tampers with the Doctor's trap, and the Skovox Blitzer is only sent 74 hours into the future. The Doctor learns of Danny's relationship with Clara, and Danny about Clara's double life. The Doctor believes that Clara made an error in dating a soldier. When the Skovox Blitzer rematerialises earlier than expected, the three work together to trick it into deactivating. Danny warns Clara about the Doctor pushing her into dangerous actions. A disintegrated community support officer awakens in the promised land, also known as the Nethersphere, being greeted Missy's assistant Seb.

Dwight: Kevin Malone, you're next. Spit that out. [Kevin shoves the rest of the donut he's eating into his mouth] Spit... Okay, come on, let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: You look cute today, Dwight. Dwight: Thanks, girl. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: So, yesterday Dwight found half a joint in the parking lot. Which is unfortunate because as it turns out, Dwight finding drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Let's go over some of the symptoms of marijuana use, shall we? You tell me who this sounds like: slow moving, inattentive, dull, constantly snacking, shows a lack of motivation. Kevin: [nods] Hey... [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I like the people I work with generally, with four exceptions. But someone committed a crime and I did not become a Lackawanna County Volunteer Sheriff's deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven't. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [mimicking Stanley] I enjoy the tangy zip of Miracle Whip. Pam: [laughs] Jim does the best impressions. Sometimes he'll look up at me from his desk and he'll just be someone else. Like he'll go um, [makes mournful face, giggles] that's supposed to be Phyllis. I can't do it as good as he can. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: And the guys are saying, chug, chug, chug, but I'm so small and all I'd eaten that day was one of those Auntie Anne pretzels from the food court so I said "Is it okay if I sip it?" and they said no, but Ryan seemed cool either way. Dwight: Stop! This is not Kelly Kapoor story hour. Illegal drugs were consumed on company property, okay? Your ass is on the line, mister! My ass is is on the line! Now I'm going to ask you again. What time did you go home last night? Kelly: Six. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I didn't know that you were at a party on Saturday night. Ryan: I go to a lot of parties. Dwight: Okay, I'm gonna need to search your car. Give me you keys. Ryan: I am not giving you my keys. Dwight: Don't make me do this the hard way. Ryan: What's the hard way? Dwight: I go down to the police station on my lunch break. I tell a police officer, I know several, what I suspect you may have in your car. He requests a hearing from a judge and obtains a search warrant, once he has said warrant, he will drive over here, and make you give him the keys to your car, and you will have to obey him. Ryan: Yeah, let's do it that way. Michael: Ry, is he bugging you? Dwight, dude, you gotta take a chill pill, man. It was one joint in the parking lot. You know, you're totally harshing the office mellow. Dwight: I can't stop this investigation. It is my job. Jim: Whoa. You are a volunteer. Dwight: I volunteered for this job. Jim: And that's not the same. Dwight: It is my duty... Jim: [interrupting] Volunteer duty. Dwight: ...to investigate the crime scene. I have six more interviews to go and then I will reveal what I know. Michael: [fake coughing] Narc! Kevin: [giggling] Dwight: If you are attempting to compliment me then you have done a very good job. Michael: I wasn't attempting to compliment you. Dwight: Well, you have... Michael: Uuf, well... Dwight: ...because being a narc is one of the hardest jobs that you can have... Michael: [shakes head] Okay... Dwight: ...and I am very proud of being a narc. Michael: Why don't you just cool it, cool it Dwight, please, God! [to Jim] Dude, where's my office? [Jim quietly laughs] I totally lost it, 'cause I was half-baked. Smokin' doobies. Doobie brothers, I was smokin' doobies with my brothers. Peace out, Seacrest! Jim: Well, your office is behind you. Michael: Thanks. M-m-munchies. Who wants some munchies? [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: I don't think Michael's ever done drugs. I don't know if anyone has ever offered him any. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Oscar visited Mexico when he was five to attend his great-grandmother's funeral. What does that mean to a United States law enforcement officer? He's a potential drug mule. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Have you ever taken any illegal drugs? Oscar: No, I have not. Dwight: Do you think it's possible that maybe you could have had some drugs in your system without you knowing about it? Oscar: What are you implying? Dwight: Have you ever... pooped... a balloon? Oscar: Okay. I'm done with this. Dwight: He sure left in a hurry. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I don't want to blow this. This is what all good law enforcement officers dream of. The chance to solve an actual crime. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Do you know what this is? [pushing a photo toward her] Phyllis: Yes, it's marijuana. Dwight: How do you know that? Phyllis: It's labeled. Dwight: [grabs pictures back and looks at it] Dammit. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: That is Northern Lights Cannabis Indica. Dwight: No, it's marijuana. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I'm just saying that you can't be sure that is wasn't you. Dwight: That's ridiculous, of course it wasn't me. Jim: Marijuana is a memory loss drug, so maybe you just don't remember. Dwight: I would remember. Jim: Well, how could you, if it just erased your memory? Dwight: That's not how it works. Jim: Now how do you know how it works? Dwight: Knock it off, okay, I'm interviewing you. Jim: No! You said that I'd be conducting the interview when I walked in here. Now exactly how much pot did you smoke? Dwight: [opens eyes wide in total surprise] [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: So Pam told me that you do a great Stanley impression, I'd love to hear it. Jim: Oh, um...[mimicking Stanley] Why do you keep CC'ing me on things that have nothing to do with me? [Pam and Oscar laugh, Stanley walks in, and Oscar leaves quickly] Stanley: Is that supposed to be me? Jim: Oh, hey Stanley. Uh, I was just doing an impression. Stanley: I do not think that is funny. Pam: He does everyone in the office. Stanley: Hmmmpt. Pam/Jim: [in unison] I do not think that is funny. Pam: Jinx! Buy me a coke. Jim: Oh... Pam: No, no, no, no talking. Jim is not allowed to talk until after he buys me a coke. Those are the rules of jinx, and they are unflinchingly rigid. [Jim puts money in drink machine, selection is sold out] Pam: Sold out? That has never happened in the history of jinx. Jim: [mouths] C'mon! Pam: Sorry, that's not my problem. Jim: [presses drink button, looks at camera, makes Jim-face] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I know you're innocent, but I can't look like I'm treating you any differently. Angela: I understand. Dwight: Where were you yesterday after work? Angela: [smiles knowingly] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Who's he calling? Ratting somebody out. Narc! Narc! Kevin? Kevin: That is so good, Michael Michael: Remember the narc bit? [laughs] Uh-oh, who's in trouble? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Attention everyone. Drug testers are coming in a couple of hours to test everyone's urine. Michael: Waa... what? What are you talking about? Dwight: Company policy. If drugs are found on the premises there is automatic drug testing conducted within twenty-four hours. Oscar: Is that true, Toby? Toby: Oh, when you sign your job application you agree to comply with random drug testing. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Two nights ago, I went to an Alicia Keys concert at the Montage Mountain Performing Arts Center. I scored these great aisle seats. Anyway, after the opening act this beautiful girl sits down next to me and I never get to meet girls with lip rings and she had one. I don't know exactly how this happened but one of her friends started passing around some stuff and they said it was clove cigarettes, and I'm sure that it was clove cigarettes. Everybody in the aisle was doing it. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Okay, attention everyone the drug testing has been cancelled. Instead, I will be going around to each of you and doing a visual inspection. Dwight: No you can't do that. Michael: I can do that, it is my office. Dwight: No you cannot. It has to be official, and it has to be urine. Michael: Hmmm. Ha. [under his breath] Alright. Great. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Kevin, what prescription drugs are you taking, besides Rogaine? Kevin: I'm not taking Rogaine. Dwight: Angela, what about you? Angela: I don't take any prescription drugs. Dwight: You're not on anything? Angela: [Gives Dwight a knowing look] Dwight: Good. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: So the first time we went out to dinner, it was like, whatever, fine, but I was so nervous. So this time I wanted to be special, so I bought a new dress! [Jim hunches his shoulders and grins] One of those kinds that is kinda low cut at top to show something, but not everything. [Jim shakes his head no in agreement] I mean not everything, Jim. [Jim shakes his head in agreement] I promise, I'm not that kind of... Pam: Hey guys, what's going on? Kelly: We're having the best conversation. [Jim, eyes wide, shakes his head, no] Pam: Oh, okay. Well, Michael wants to see everyone in the conference room. [Jim shakes his head. Seems relieved to be getting away from Kelly] But you know what? We have a few minutes so you guys should definitely finish up your conversation. [Jim nods his head as if to say, "Gee, thanks, Pam."] Kelly: So, I was looking so hot... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: It has come to my attention that some people here think that the use of drugs is something to laugh about. Phyllis: We don't feel that way. Angela: No, not at all. Oscar: You were the one joking around calling Dwight a narc. Michael: No, uh, no. That was a test. I was testing you, and you all failed. Miserably. When I said that Dwight was a narc, how many of you defended him? How many of you said, "Hey, you know what, he's right? What he's doing is protecting this office from the evils of drugs." Dwight: Thank you, Michael. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I am ridiculously anti-drug. So anti-drug that I am above suspicion in any way that involves suspicion, or testing of any kind. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Drugs ruin lives people. Drugs destroy careers. Take Cheech and Chong everybody knows that Cheech and Chong are funny, but just imagine how funny they would be if they didn't smoke pot. I want everybody to take a look to their left. Now I want everybody to take a look to their right. One of those people will be dead from drug use at some point in their lives. This year more people will use cocaine than will read a book to their children. Stanley: Where did you get these facts? Michael: Are these facts scaring you, or are they not? Stanley: They are not. Michael: Do you think that smoking drugs is cool? Do you think that doing alcohol is cool? Stanley: No, I don't. I have a glass of red wine with dinner about once a week. For the antioxidants. Michael: Okay, enough, enough, enough! I have written down a list of illegal drugs. Take a gander. How many of these are you familiar with? Toby: Hookah is not an illegal drug, Michael. Michael: Yes it is. Toby: No it's not. It's a type of pipe. You can fill it with tobacco, often mixed with fruit, or other flavors. Michael: Okay, you know what, Toby? Pam, can you take this down? [Pam throws her hands up to indicate she has no notepad] In addition to Toby's urine being tested, I would like to test his blood and his hair. Toby: You can't do that. Michael: I can test anyone randomly, and I have chosen you randomly. Toby: That's not random. Michael: Okay, eeny, meenie, miney, moe, is random. Okay, you know what? I'm going to need a volunteer to select one of these words and tell us of something tragic that happened in either their lives, or the lives of a loved one. Yeah, Pam. Pam: I know that Jim has an amazing story about a relative of his who got caught up in the world of drugs. Michael: Really? [Jim shakes his head no] Pam: Uh, hmmm. Michael: Jim it's okay. You can t... [Jim looks at Pam and shakes his head, Pam looks at him and gestures for Jim to go up and tell his story] This would be a good place to let it out, Jim. These are people you can trust. These are people who care about you. [Jim shakes his head no] It's okay, just we will not judge you. We are here to not judge you. [Jim stands up] Oh, he's doing it, okay. [Jim looks at Pam] It's okay. [Jim pretends to try, looking teary eyed, shakes his head no, mouths "I can't" and sits back down. Pam is amazed.] Oh. Okay, are you sure? [Jim shakes his head. Kevin pats his shoulder] That looked like it was going to be good. Alright. [Pam nods in admiration at Jim] Okay, well. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Wow! He really pulled out the big guns. Fake crying. Did not expect that. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: The point I'm trying to make with all of this people is that I hate drugs. I hate them, and based upon what I have seen you all don't quite hate 'em as much as I do so you are going to have a drug test, and I am not. Dwight: No, you will be tested. Michael: Yes, I will not be. Dwight: You will be. That is the law according to the rules. Michael: Okay, well Dwight just know that I've been very busy today and I got a lot of work to do and I wasn't planning on going to the bathroom and I don't even know if anything is going to come out, okay? So good. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Hi, Linda. Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager. You might remember testing my urine a few years back when I was applying to be a volunteer sheriff's deputy. Linda: We test a lot of urine. Dwight: Mine was green. Linda: Oh, right. How are you? Dwight: I'm all better. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: So I need you to do some work on the St. Andrews account. I need your urine. I need some filing done. Dwight: What kind of filing? Michael: Just forget it. Just the urine. Dwight: That goes directly to the tester. Michael: Just. I need your urine. Dwight: Like in a cup? Michael: Yes in a cup, we're not animals, Dwight. Dwight: For what purpose? Michael: It's none of your business. Dwight: Then I refuse. Michael: Okay. Alright. Just, I went to an Alicia Keys concert, over the weekend, and I think I may have gotten high accidentally by a girl with a lip ring. Dwight: Are you serious? Michael: I need clean urine for the lady. Dwight: But that's illegal. Michael: Don't think of it that way. It's like, urine goes all over the place. You know, there's no controlling it. It just... goes Dwight: Not my urine. Michael: A cup could find its way under the urine. It might be an accident. It happens. Dwight: Were you forced to do drugs at this concert? Michael: No, just look. Look. Just... just fill up the cup. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Do you want to give Michael your urine? Dwight: I want him to have all the urine he needs. Angela: You're not going to get my permission on this. Dwight: I know that. Don't you think I know that? [SCENE_BREAK] Linda: Yeah, we do testing all over the country. Ryan: Cool. Hey, are you guys hiring? Linda: You want to work at the urinalysis lab? Ryan: Yeah. Maybe. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: My father's name was Dwight Schrute. My grandfather's name was Dwight Schrute. His father's name Dwide Schrude. Amish. I loved my father very much. Every morning he'd wake up at dawn and make us biscuits with gravy. When I was little my dad and I played a lot of games together. My dad cheated a lot but I never busted him on it. I would have, except I didn't know about it. He didn't tell me till years later. I was shocked when I found out. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: What? [Jim shakes his head] Did you want to tell me something? You look like you want to tell me something. [Jim shakes his head no] You look like you have something really important to say and you just can't for some reason. [Jim smiles] Come on, you can tell me. Jim, you can tell me anything. [Jim stops smiling and looks down. Pam wonders what that means] [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: I'd like a magazine. Linda: We just need urine, sir. Kevin: I'd still like one. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Dwight. Well, I passed the test thanks to you and your untainted pee. Thank you very much. Dwight: That's great. Michael: What's wrong? Where's your costume? Dwight: It's a uniform and I turned it in today when I tendered my resignation. Michael: Why? Wha... Dwight: I took an oath when I was sworn in and I broke that oath today. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [placing a coke can in front of Jim] Here. [Jim looks confused] Just buy it from me. I haven't talked to you in hours and it's been weird and I really want to know what the hell's going on with Dwight. [Pam scoots the coke can towards Jim. Jim pulls out his wallet and hands Pam a dollar. He gives the coke back to Pam] Jim: Hi. Pam: Hey. Jim: How much time do you have left on your break? Pam: Ten minutes. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Since you did such a good job with the investigation, I decided to pull a few strings. Call in a few favors. and I've decided to make you official security supervisor of the branch. Dwight: Really? Michael: Yes, sir. Dwight: That's fantastic because I've always felt that the security here sucked . Michael: So you wanna? Thanks. Hank: Dwight K. Schrute, I hereby declare you an honorary voluntary corporal in charge of assisting all activities security. Michael: Okay. Hank: Here's your badge. Dwight: Thank you, Michael. Very nice. Great. [To Hank] Can I have a gun? Hank: No, I don't have a gun. Dwight: Okay, I'll have to bring in my bow staff. Hank: I don't think so. Michael: Good. Dwight: [salutes] Thank you, Michael. Michael: No. Oh. Uh...[awkwardly salutes] Dwight: I need to go over some details with you. Michael: Alright. [to Hank] Well, Thank you. Dwight: First of all, Hank, how many orange traffic cones do you have? Hank: Two. Dwight: Oh, God. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Wow. What a terrible day to not be able to talk. Dwight was literally carrying around his own urine and dressed like one of the Village People. Why does he do the things that he does for Michael? I just don't get it. What is he getting out of that relationship?

Plan: A: Dwight; Q: Who finds a joint in the parking lot? A: a leftover joint; Q: What does Dwight find in the parking lot? A: the owner; Q: Who does Dwight want to find? A: a drug test; Q: What does Dwight schedule? A: Michael; Q: Who pressures Dwight for a cup of clean urine? A: Michael's demand; Q: What does Dwight give in to? A: a volunteer sheriff's deputy; Q: What did Dwight resign as? Summary: Dwight finds a leftover joint in the parking lot, and begins an investigation to find the owner. After no one confesses, he schedules a drug test. Michael, worried that he will not pass, pressures Dwight for a cup of clean urine. Dwight is conflicted, but gives in to Michael's demand, and afterward resigns as a volunteer sheriff's deputy for breaking his oath.

Wynn: You just missed him. He was here? Wynn: He was in my hotel suite. Why aren't you in your hotel suite? Wynn: He was murdered there. It's a mess. My guy Mikey's cleaning up now. Boyd Crowder is dead? Wynn: Very dead, indeed. I did it myself. How did you do it? Wynn: Two in the chest, one in the brain. Was rote but effective. Where is Mr. Picker? Wynn: Crowder blew him up. It's a long story. Anyway... Mikey's working double duty. I don't believe you. Wynn: Alberto, was it? Alberto, I'm not one to niggle over management styles, but let's say you would let me know you were coming, I could have preserved some proof for you. A head, say, or... a set of teeth. We'll take the skin. Wynn: The skin? Mr. Yoon prefers the skin. Wynn: Like... the scalp or... just everything? You understand that Mr. Yoon will be satisfied with your skin. Wynn: Alberto, fellas... I understand Mr. Yoon is hungry for revenge, if that's not too arch a phrasing, but I'm not the one that he wants. I'm not the one that made promises in the desert and then broke them. That was Crowder. Now Crowder's dead. I helped you. Maybe you did. Maybe not. Wynn: When Crowder set off that redneck I.E.D. and blew a hole in Mr. Picker, I killed him. I'm glad to be rid of him. He was nothing but trouble all along. Go to the car. Get the machete. Si. Mm. Wynn: But that's the past. You want help present tense? I can help present tense. The other one. The bird. Cuervo. The crow. Wynn: Darryl Crowe? Si. Wynn: I know him. I don't like him. You want him? I'll find him. Do that. By sundown tomorrow. Wynn: If not before. And I assume my success would obviate the need for any skinning or skin-related procedures. [high-pitched voice] Housekeeping. Not today. Everybody's got a bug. [normal voice] Aw, man, open up, man. It's Darryl Crowe. Man, what y'all doing, man? It smells like a pig roast. What is it, Darryl? Darryl: I came looking for Mr. Picker. Picker's not here. Darryl: He ain't here? Where he at? I don't know. Darryl: You ain't got no more ribs left over, huh? [groans] [gasps] [both grunting] Darryl: Kung-fu sh1t don't work on me. Oh, man. What is y'all doing up in here, man? Huh?! I don't know. Darryl: All right, don't pass out on me. I got more questions. Where is Boyd Crowder's dope at? I don't know. [gasps] Darryl: Listen, my experience tells me someone who says, "I don't know," as much as you, they do know. Huh? Huh? I don't know. Wynn: Thanks for turning around. Boyd: Well, you mentioned the name "Alberto." I take it you weren't talking about the waiter from your favorite Mexican restaurant. Wynn: Best stay out of sight. [engine turns over] Boyd: They want my skin. Wynn: Must be a new cartel fad to jazz up the tedium of beheadings. Boyd: [sighs] Well, I knew those bodies would turn up, but it's just we had been driving for so long, I thought for sure we were out of Mr. Yoon's jurisdiction. Wynn: Cheer up, Mr. Crowder. I did you a favor. I told them I executed you. Boyd: Why? Wynn: Buy you some time. Boyd: Well, I guess I should say thank you, but I take it you had a gun to your head. Wynn: So I bought us both time, sue me. The point is I suggested they get a hotel while I track down Darryl Crowe. Boyd: You need my help. Wynn: Speed up the process. Boyd: So, let me get this straight. You take me off the hook. Then you call me up, and you put me right back on it. Wynn: Figure I do for you and you do for me. Boyd: No, you didn't. You figured if something were to happen to me, you wouldn't get the dope I promised you and your lady friend. Wynn: There is that. [cellphone ringing] Boyd: Your phone, Mr. Duffy. Wynn: Mikey? What? [door opens] Mikey, I ... Got to call you back. Boyd: God damn, Raylan. This is the third important business meeting you've interrupted in a row. You stick a GPS up my ass while I wasn't looking? Raylan: This ain't exactly a stealth bomber. What happened? Last we heard, you had a swanky hotel suite. Wynn: Swanky? Paris is swanky. Lexington's pig sh1t. Raylan: That attitude may be why they kicked you out. Wynn: I was not kicked out. Tim: That hotel's owned by old-money dixie mafia. Wynn: My suite is being cleaned. The microwave exploded. Rachel: Someone put metal in the science oven? Tim: I finally saw that. Rachel: What did you think? Tim: Needs more Jason Statham. Raylan: What doesn't? Listen, the reason we're here ... Darryl Crowe Jr. Wynn: And you want our help? Rachel: We want you, Mr. Duffy, to know the tags on your vehicle have expired. Tim: Rig it up! [rumbling] Wynn: Hey! Jesus! Tim: She'll sit in impound till the registration's squared away, fees are paid, and blah-de-blah-de-blah. Rachel: And that home-security business, owes those back taxes? I.R.S. is getting involved. Raylan: See, cases like this, we make Darryl's life and that of everyone around him a goddamn calamity. We squeeze and we squeeze until one of his road dogs raises a paw, says, "I'll help." Boyd: [clapping] Has the presentation ended? Raylan: It has. Boyd: Well, if so, allow me to state what should be the obvious, Raylan. Neither I nor Mr. Duffy have any intention of helping the U.S. Marshals service after our borderline unconstitutional arrest hardly more than 24 hours ago. Raylan: Well, consider this, Boyd. We're pulling your file, too. Boyd: What file, J. Edgar Hoover? Raylan: The one that catalogs your every sin, puts you away till hell and gone. Boyd: All that red meat, and only now you're gonna hang it on me? Raylan: We reserve the cards we play until we need them, and now we need them. Boyd: Well, Raylan Givens. Never did I imagine that the cat would trap the mouse with a file. Raylan: The grand jury don't give two sh1ts how you been trapped. [rumbling] Think it over, gentlemen. Until then, take shelter. It's cold out there. Wynn: You got to be kidding me! Son of a bitch! [buzzer] Ava: [sighs] I should have known it wasn't a check for head lice at 4:00 A.M. I don't appreciate you upsetting my routine. Raylan: You cut your hair. Ava: I done a lot of things. What do you want? Raylan: A confederate of Boyd's. A man by the name of Darryl Crowe Jr. Ava: Being away as I am, I don't know any Darryl Crowe Jr. Who's he? Raylan: A man at the top of my list. Ava: What's that got to do with me? Raylan: I can't get him directly. I thought maybe you could help. [Ava scoffs] Why would I help? Raylan: Christian charity. And I can offer you a bump in commissary, maybe get you a nice work detail. Ava: Hmm. So, you want me to, um, pressure Boyd to help you get your man. Please. Unless you can get me clean out of here, we ain't got nothing to talk about. Raylan: That's not an option. Ava: I figured. Raylan: But what I think I hear you saying is you're, uh, open to the idea of helping, so maybe we can work something out. Ava: I'm tired. Let's stop dancing around it. I can't help you. Raylan: Sure, you can. Ava: Boyd and I broke up. Raylan: Patch it up. Ava: I can't help you. Even if I could... I won't. Raylan: Prison's made you hard, Ava. [sighs] It's been building up since about the last punch I took from Bowman. Raylan: Well, I can be hard, too. Seeing as how you're in here for shanking a C.O. in county, how much of a nudge you think I need to give the screws in here, get 'em to look the other way, as concerns your welfare? Ava: Go to hell. Guard! [buzzer] Boyd: Did you tell Darryl that it was my boys that hid the dope? [coughing] Boyd: Mike? Mike! Yeah. Wynn: That's all right, Mikey. I know you fought hard. [Boyd sighs] Hmm. Wynn: Is something amusing you? Boyd: Well, if Darryl wants the dope and everybody wants Darryl, why not just send everybody to the dope? Wynn: Let the marshals and the Mexicans work out who wants him most. Boyd: I'm gonna call Carl, tell him what's coming. Tell him to make it easy but not too easy. Now, you call Alberto. Get him to the old barn in Loyall, the one by the railroad tracks. Wynn: And then what? Boyd: I'm gonna do what I do. [music] [door closes] [elevator bell dings] Your savior has arrived. [title music] ♪ On this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul ♪ ♪ god get at your boy ♪ ♪ you try to bogard ♪ ♪ fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ on this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪ Tim: I mean, we're assuming Crowder's working an angle, right? Rachel: Better question is, what are we prepared to give him? Well, career sh1t birds always want the sun, the moon, and the goddamn stars. Rachel: Isn't his old lady in the state pen? Raylan: She is. Saw her not long ago. Tim: What's the beef? Assaulting a corrections officer. Raylan: Two of 'em may have broke up, but Boyd claims it's a love for the ages. There's a chance he asks for clemency. Rachel: So we're talking about her release? That's not easy. But it's not impossible. Raylan: If nobody minds, I'll take the first crack at him. Give me your phone. Boyd: What, you ain't got one? Raylan: Give me your phone. [Boyd sighs] Raylan: What do you want? Boyd: Well, I don't know if you heard, Raylan, but I'm a single man now. I'm worn-out. Ain't nothing left for me here. I've even toyed with the idea of leaving the bluegrass state. Raylan: Don't make me repeat the question. Boyd: What I want is a clean slate. I just want to be left alone. I want to start my life anew. Raylan: And here, I was expecting you to change. Boyd: Did I say something funny? Raylan: You are who you are. I find it amusing. No. Enlightening. Boyd: So... Raylan: So you're saying you want us to shelve your file? Boyd: I guess what I'm saying is you want the man that shot your chief, file or no file, you turn the other cheek. So, do we have a deal or not? A funny story. Tim: Funny short story. Boyd: A friend of mine, a refrigerator repairman out in Loyall, was rummaging through an old, broken-down barn. Come across a Philco, wherein he discovered what he believes to be 5 or 6 kilos of heroin. I think they call them "bricks." Tim: Why don't you leave out the parts we'd like to skip? Boyd: Well, I have it on good authority that Darryl Crowe Jr. is looking to build a house with those bricks. In fact, I think he's headed there as we speak. Now, all y'all got to do is catch the man with his hand in the cookie jar. Raylan: We don't want him on felony possession. We want him on attempted murder. Boyd: Why, Raylan Givens, I'm extending my hand to you. Why you want to bare your teeth? Uh... sidebar? Boyd: Yeah, you all need to talk. Real quick. You ask me, best we get him any way we can. Raylan: Not this way. All I've heard is how slippery of a b*st*rd this guy is. Now we got a chance, you don't want to take it? Tim: It's chicken sh1t, and you know it. It's how they got Al Capone. Raylan: What about the kid? One thing at a time. Boyd: Now, all you got to do is bring me a map, and I will circle the "x" that marks the spot. Rachel: [chuckles] You're coming with us. [music] [engine backfires] [engine shuts off] [engine sputtering] Dewey: Come on. [indistinct conversations] Goddamn blue sky. Did I ever tell you how sick to death I am of it? Ava: I don't know. It reminds me of... Thanks. Did some backyard fighting. Took my lumps. Got hurt bad working the kill floor when I was out in greely. But, sh1t fire, I didn't get this knocked around even in the mines, and I was in the huff creek collapse. Oh, hell. Darryl: Fellas, normally, I'd be all polite and sh1t, exchanging pleasantries, grabbing a beer and sh1t. But I just ain't got that time. Where Boyd's drugs at? [scoffs] Now, you know if we tell you, he'll kill us. Darryl: But I'm gonna hurt you first. [screaming] All right! Darryl: Go on. Ohh! Baby Jesus! Barn in Loyall. By the rail yard. Darryl: See? That was easy, right? This is the worst job in the world! [Wendy sighs] Darryl: You feeling any better? Wendy: What the hell do you think? Darryl: I think some sleep is what you needed. Wendy: No. Nothing but bad dreams. I shouldn't have taken those pills you gave me. I shouldn't have left him. Darryl: You ain't no use if you all nerves. For sure, ain't no use to little Kendal. I'm still all nerves, so just drop it, all right? Darryl: [sighs] I'm just trying to help, sister. Wendy: Why did I come back here? I should have gotten a room up in Lexington, stayed close. I just want him to know I'll be right by his side. [Darryl scoffs] You ain't never been by his side. That's why all this happened, after all. And I ain't laying blame, just putting words to truth. I don't want to dwell on it no more, either, girl. Got to move forward, you know? Dust yourself off. You all right? [clears throat] Look, while you was dozed, I was lining up a lawyer. Best I could find, 'cause, you know, that public defender ain't worth sh1t. Wendy: Great. Darryl: Except them retainers cost so much goddamn money. You know what I mean? Money we ain't got. Wendy: Well, what do we have? I mean, what can we sell? We got to get the best. Darryl: Don't worry. I'm working on it. I just need you to pick something up for me. Wendy: What? Darryl: It's bad, Wendy. Roll-your-sleeves-up bad. Wendy: It must be bad. You don't even want to touch it. Darryl: Yeah, well, you and I both know that bitch-ass marshal be watching my every move. Got to be smart if I'm gonna be effective. But if you really want to know, I'll tell you what it is. You want to know? Wendy: No. Darryl: Well, I understand. It's in this old barn house. There's a fridge ... Wendy: No! I mean no. I won't do it. Darryl: Look, I need you to listen to me. Look, baby girl, I know ain't none of this been easy. But we came here to settle as a family. And we can still do it. I mean, all this sh1t we done been through ain't got to be for nothing. What I'm sending you to get is enough for a lawyer and a stake for us and Kendal. But if you don't get this bag I'm sending you to get... [scoffs] Well, we done. Ava: I know you all are hurting. You're hoping to hear something to make you feel better about Judith being gone. I don't have what Judith had. Never believed in the mother of god or any of the heavenly oneness horse sh1t she preached. For all her talk of sisters looking out for each other, she hurt you. See, I believe... she was wrong, but the message was right. Sticking up for each other. Sticking together. I will be straight with you always. None of this sh1t of turning girls out for drugs. We say we're gonna look out for each other. Then that's what we got to do ... for real. Okay? If she really hit that screw in county, she's harder than she looks. My brother told me the real story. Guard was psycho. He did himself. Still, she got Judith. Judith was old and on her way out. Blond bitch just got good timing. Yeah, well, she's either lucky or good. We make a move for the business, we'll find out. It's worth the risk, don't you think? Her man put my brother in intensive. I think she got it coming. [SCENE_BREAK] [spitting] [coughs] What do you think you up to?! Dewey: Oh, uh, hey, ma'am. I'm sorry. Speak up. My ears gone rotten. Dewey: Yeah. I-I-I'm ... I'm in a jam. Okay. Dewey: See, I-I come back to Harlan to get some things I shouldn't have left behind. And now I'm ... I'm gonna gather up them things and leave Kentucky. Gonna go far away. Anywhere but here. Well, not to Mexico. I hate Mexico. You a little touched, ain't you, child? Dewey: No, I just ... I-I-I run out of gas, and, uh, I'd be obliged if I could borrow some. Pitiful thing. You need something to eat? Dewey: Well, I wouldn't say no. It's awful sweet of you to offer. Honest to god, you remind me of my Mammaw. Yes, sir, I'll be right back. Dewey: Uh, if you're just gonna be a minute, y-you mind if I run in, take a sh1t? Here you go! Nice and hot! You better run, you son of a bitch! Tim: What the hell is this? Boyd: Off the record, I sure would like to kill that redneck son of a bitch. Raylan: Give him this ... Darryl's meticulous about keeping his own hands clean. Rachel: We let it play out. She'll take him the drugs, and we'll get him then. Raylan: Crowe to the core, huh? Wendy: Uh, what are you doing here? Raylan: All the while working me ... sticking by 'em one minute, selling 'em out the next, keeping me off the scent. Wendy: That's not true. Raylan: Playing it like you shared the name but not the curse. I got to admit, I wasn't sure about you, but this move told the truth. You got a dark heart, like the rest. Wendy: I-I don't even know anymore. Raylan: Turn around. Wendy: Wait, w-what are you doing? You can't arrest me. I ... Raylan: Sure I can. I should have done it sooner. Wendy: I didn't do anything. I just walked into the building. What... God, look, I was just trying to help Kendal. Raylan: Kendal tell you to fetch six keys of heroin? Get in the van. Save us your bullshit crying. Take her phone. Make sure she can't call her brother. Well, now that that's gone to sh1t, plan "B." You're gonna wear a wire. Boyd: Oh, no, I'm not. No, I look good wearing a lot of things, but a wire ain't one of them. Raylan: You will get him to admit, on tape, that he did the shooting. Boyd: Well, how the hell am I gonna do that? Raylan: You figure it out. Boyd: "Hey, Darryl, you ever shoot somebody, get somebody else to take the fall for it? If so, would you tell me about it at length?" Come on. I don't talk like that. Raylan: Understand this, Boyd ... you will wear a wire. Boyd: You need to understand something, Raylan... I'll wear a wire. [cellphone rings] Darryl: Boyd? Boyd: Darryl Crowe Jr. Well, I heard you wanted to see me so bad you shot my bartender in the leg. He just quit, by the way. Darryl: Yeah, my apologies. Boyd: Well, I appreciate that, but I'd much rather hear it in person you up for a meet? Darryl: sh1t, yeah. Boyd: Here's the thing, Darryl. If you want to meet with me, it's for the last time. You and whatever's left of your Florida clan agree to make your fortune in another man's swamp. Darryl: All right. Rachel: That is a silver tongue. Tim: I know I got a boner. Never could swallow Judith's moon-goddess hippie bullshit. Ava: Didn't hold no logic for me, but that's why a magic trick works ... because you believe it works. It does paint a picture of the true believer's weak mind. No offense, Penny. None taken. I'm gonna pop a squat. Ava: Still something underneath all the mumbo jumbo. The way women treat each other. It's like they're fighting over table scraps. I don't mean just in here. Back in high school ... scheming to steal someone else's man, talking behind each other's backs. Girls grow up nipping and s-scratching and whupping each other's ass. It's no wonder when a man does it back... we think it's normal. Until we don't. How most of us ended up in here. [Ava sobbing] sh1t, Penny. [toilet flushes] Come on, Ava. We got to get out of here. Tim: Just need to be within 100 yards. Rachel: What if the windows are closed? Tim: No, this NSA sh1t is next-level. This picks up vibrations off glass. Wendy: So, you really haven't done enough yet to destroy my family, huh? Raylan: I'm done talking to you. Wendy: I mean, first you killed Danny. Now you're trying to entrap Darryl? Raylan: Are you blind or just stupid? He uses y'all for his personal gain, yet y'all stand by him. Wendy: He is an asshole, no doubt, but this whole drug-pickup craziness was just his way of trying to raise money for an attorney for Kendal. Raylan: If he wants to free Kendal, all he's got to do is tell the truth. [scoffs] Raylan: Well, you really buy the bullshit he spews about family. I suppose that's easier than to admit the part you played in all this. Wendy: Trust me, I know I played a part. Raylan: The part you played is smothering that voice in the back of your mind that knows Kendal's innocent. Wendy: You really haven't even considered the obvious, have you? The part I played was bad mother. I failed Kendal, and now he's got to pay the price for it. [indistinct talking over P.A.] [indistinct conversations] You got to hit back, or they'll see you're weak. Like the movie says, they put one of ours in the hospital, we we put one of theirs in the morgue. Ava: This isn't a movie. You're right. They already put her in the morgue. Right there. All right, move. Get out of the way. Wait, wait. What are you doing? I didn't do nothing. I didn't do nothing. [indistinct shouting] You snitch? Ava: No. Hell, no. This is bad, Ava. Ava: No sh1t. [engine backfires] [engine sputtering] [engine shuts off] [crow cawing] [dog barks in distance] [door opens] Uh-oh. Hey! Dewey! Dewey: I'm mad at you girls. Gave me up to the federals. But what I've been through today, standing here and seeing you two there so... soft... I'm set free of my anger. Uh, okay! Dewey: I ain't gonna lie to you. Dewey Crowe's future ain't what it once was. I'm leaving. Again? Dewey: Yeah. So I'm here for my necklace and my turtle dog. Oh. The ... the turtle thing? I think I have it. Where do I have it? Dewey: Wait. You don't have it? Well, sh1t, Dewey, it was creepy. I gave away the necklace. Dewey: They was family treasures, god damn it! [toilet flushes] What the hell is that? Him? He's a loyal customer. Who the hell are you? Dewey: I give you a gift, the anus is on you to take care of it, not just give it away to any old dick face happens along. Anus? Dewey: Yeah. You speak english, don't you... dick face? Yo, that's the second time you said that. Ain't gonna be no third. Dewey: Hand over them gator teeth. Make me. What's up? [both grunting] [glass shatters] Give me back my teeth! No! Dewey: They're mine! Worldstar! Dewey: [breathing heavily] So long, girls. [door closes] Darryl: There he is. I appreciate you coming here, home turf and all. Boyd: Well, it's a small concession to make... to fire an employee I never should have hired in the first place. I take it you agree to my terms. Darryl: Mm. Hell, yeah. Boyd: Well, I can't imagine the decision was too difficult. Kentucky ain't been too kind to you and your kin. Darryl: Mm. Yeah. Mm. You know, you and me got along good, right? Ain't got to end it like this, all tense and sh1t. Now, Mexico? Boyd: Huh. Mexico. Darryl: Yeah. Took care of business. [smacks table] Let's have a drink, man, toast our goodbye. Boyd: Well, I only drink with people that I like or I pretend to like, but I will indulge in one of these cigarettes. Darryl: sh1t, I didn't even know you smoked. Boyd: Well, there's a lot of things you don't know about me, Darryl Crowe Jr. And you never will. Darryl: Ha! Smooth-ass Boyd. Got that good Elmer's tea for you. Boyd: Well, I'd say I'm sorry to hear about your brother, but... Tim: sh1t. We got a bogey. Boyd: ...I wasn't his biggest fan, neither. Your nephew, on the other hand... Dewey: All right, you sons of bitches! Hands where I can see them! Boyd: Whoa, whoa! Dewey! Darryl: Hey! Dewey: Now! Boyd: If you want to make the smartest decision you've ever made in your life, you will retrace your steps presto subito! Dewey: Shut up, Boyd! Darryl, you touch that gun on the table, it'll be the last thing you do. Boyd, open the bag. Boyd: Dewey, listen to me. Leave right now while ... Dewey: The bag! Open it! Or you don't think I'll shoot?! I will shoot ... the way I shot Wade Messer! Yeah, I killed his ass good, man! Two shots! [imitates two gunshots] Me! Dewey Crowe! Boyd: God damn it, son. Darryl: sh1t, Dewey. Dewey: Open it! Darryl: [scoffs] What the sh1t, Dewey? Dewey: Yeah! That's my heroin! My future! My dream! Darryl: Come on, Dewey. We family. You ain't got to do all this. Dewey: Put the gun in the bag, Darryl. Darryl: Pbht. Cousin Dewey, man. Dewey: Cousin, my ass! How you like me now, huh? How you like me now?! [guns cock] Wait. Dewey: Arrest me? You ought to thank me. I was stopping criminals doing crime. Those two in the room would kill each other 'fore long. Raylan: We got you on tape, Dewey, talking heroin, big dreams. Dewey: You heard that? Raylan: About Messer, too. Dewey: Messer! I was kidding, man! Raylan: That's a good defense. Go with that. [cellphone ringing] Givens. [police radio chatter] Watch your head. Dewey: This it, then, Raylan? No final words, put Dewey Crowe in his place? Raylan: My advice ... stop talking about yourself in the third person. Makes you sound like a fool. Dewey: Third person? What, this guy? Man, I don't understand you. Ava: I appreciate you coming. Raylan: If it's an apology for sending me to hell, I'll take the kindness. It's been one of the more frustrating days in recent memory. Ava: It's not an apology. Hard to believe you think it's me owes you. Raylan: Fair enough. So, why am I here? Ava: I thought about your proposal. Raylan: And? Ava: I changed my mind. About Boyd. Raylan: Huh. Ava: Yeah, I'm gonna talk to him. I'm gonna get him to cooperate. But you've got to get me released. Raylan: Okay, but, uh ... Ava: Look, look, I know it's a bigger ask that privileges, but it's the way it's got to be. I'm liable to get snuffed in here soon. Raylan: You're too late. Ava: What? Raylan: Boyd already cooperated. Ava: No. Raylan: He did. Ava: No. Raylan: You missed your chance. I'm sorry. Ava: [sighs] Raylan: Look... you're in that much danger, I'll do what I can, but... Ava: [scoffs] Wait. What did Boyd ask for in return? Raylan: Nothing. Ava: No, no. Boyd didn't cooperate with the law and gain nothing. What was it? Raylan: A clean slate. Ava: What does that mean? Raylan: It's Boyd, Ava. Who the hell knows what it means? I'll do what I can. [buzzer] [door opens] The facts are cut and dried. There were six kilos of heroin in the bag. A bag Mr. Crowe never touched. Darryl: Look, I know my rights, man. You need to get me some apple juice or something, man. Root beer or something. As soon as I review the transcripts in detail, I'm sure they'll confirm that there is nothing incriminating on any of these recordings. Maybe. Maybe not. We can still hold your client on suspicion of criminal conspiracy. Darryl: The only crime is Boyd was supposed to bring me a fresh bag of clothes for my road trip, now all this. Mr. Crowe, please. You want to detain my client? By all means, please, do that, and I'm sure you'll welcome the harassment suit that I bring against you, Mr. Vasquez. Darryl: Unh. Yeah. Get at 'em. As to holding Ms. Crowe... Mm. [elevator bell dings] Boyd: You missing all the action. Where you been off loitering? Raylan: I saw an old acquaintance. Boyd: Well, you got your fish in the boat. I think you're gonna have to put him back in the water. Raylan: I do, he'll likely want to kill you, huh? Boyd: Well, I don't know. You pretty good. I figure you'll get to him first. Raylan: Why are you still here? Boyd: You have my phone. Just excuse me for one second, please. Just... Where to? Raylan: Upstairs. Boyd: Uh, Raylan, you have my phone! [sighs] Your honor, he feels this is the only option left, the only way to move forward. Judge Reardon: And you agree with him? No, personally, I don't like the play. But, yes, I agree, we've exhausted our options. Judge Reardon: Well, what are the odds it could work? I'm not as familiar with the parties as ... Raylan: 50/50. Judge Reardon: Jesus Christ on a lunch box. That's a big bet. High stakes. If you're correct, the boy didn't do it ... Raylan: He absolutely did not do it. Judge Reardon: Well, that makes it worse. Raylan: Talking about a matter of degrees. [sighs] Deputy, you know how I got my nickname? Raylan: Your famous reputation. Judge Reardon: Truth is, the tail wagged the dog on that one. Now, back in the day, I told all the prosecutors to call me the Hammer. Knew it would put the defense attorneys back on their heels ... "Pray, Jesus, don't let me draw the hammer." It worked. Mm. Having the name means I don't have to act on it all the time. So, no matter what you may have assumed... this is not an easy sell. Raylan: I don't come to this decision lightly. But I see no other way to starve Darryl Crowe of his means. Once you fire this bullet, it don't go back in the barrel. Boyd: Oh, come on, man. Give me my phone. Raylan: Get out of my way, Boyd. Boyd: Hey, I helped you out, Raylan. Now, I want to know where we stand on our deal. Raylan: You want to know where we stand? Let me tell you. Boyd: Tell me. Raylan: You said you'd help us get him. You didn't get him. So we'll be proceeding to convene a grand jury, bring charges against you as soon as possible. Boyd: Are you back to that file bullshit? Raylan: Bullshit? There it is. Thick with the names of the suffering and the dead, and many felled by your own hands. A trail of human wreckage you've left rotting in jail cells and cold graves throughout this state. And why? Because they had the poor judgment to believe your lies and follow your tune. Well, it's high time that tune reached a shuddering crescendo. Boyd: What about the file on Raylan Givens? It must be just as thick. And I know there's a page in there waiting to be filled out with the details of the role you played in the demise of Nicky Augustine. Rachel: Are you implying Raylan was party to the murder of Nicky Augustine? Boyd: Oh, I'm not implying anything, ma'am. I'm stating. Tim: Well, that's all done with. That case was sewn up tight. Got a sworn affidavit it was an FBI turncoat. Rachel: That's right. It's yesterday's news. This is today. [chuckles] My phone. [drawer opens] [elevator bell dings] Jimmy. You got those last six keys? I do. Boyd: Put them in the ceiling above my desk, then hit the road. Tell Carl to do the same. Storm clouds are gathering, son, and I think this flood is gonna be epic. Yeah. Yeah, Boyd. I hear that. [cellphone thuds] Ms. Crowe, your son is looking at three years of juvie lockup if he is tried as a minor. But that is not gonna happen. Pending approval from the attorney general, which we will have by morning, Kendal will be tried for attempted murder of a federal officer as an adult. Wendy: What?! That's right. Which carries a mandatory sentence of 40 years to life. Wendy: No! That ... No! Who did this?! Raylan: I did. [music] [SCENE_BREAK] [PREVIOUSLY_ON] Art: You're hit! Alison: I-it's not me. It's you. Tim: He went out in the ambulance. Hasn't opened his eyes since. Raylan: I don't suppose he thought to tell the EMTs who did this to him. Dewey: I got your sh1t. You all are gonna bring me $250,000. I just want my money and get the hell out of here. You got my money? Danny: You don't got any money, dickhead. Boyd: What say I give you Half of my half of the shipment and we go our separate ways? I say we put Boyd Crowder's head in a goddamn box! Wynn: Mr. Picker! Boyd: Aah!

Plan: A: Raylan; Q: Who puts pressure on every criminal in town? A: a ploy; Q: What does Raylan use to arrest Darryl Crowe Jr.? A: cartel killers; Q: Who does Boyd and Duffy enlist to fight off? Summary: Raylan puts pressure on every criminal in town as a ploy to arrest Darryl Crowe Jr., while Boyd and Duffy enlist an unlikely ally to fight off cartel killers.

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Aiden: So I got to ask, when's this wedding? Jackson: Ten days. After that, Hayley's power is your power. The full moon won't control you anymore. Klaus: (impressed) You truly believe that he is worthy of your trust? Hayley: Yes. Hayley (whispering): I want to tell you a story about a beautiful baby girl. Klaus: Elijah will remain here with you. He's been experiencing some side effects since his ordeal as our mother's captive. Finn: I curse you to this body, a meaningless, lonely death. Freya: You know who I am. Rebekah: Freya. Freya: Tell our brothers I'll be coming to see them soon. Finn: How does it feel, hunger so intense, like shards of glass creeping through your veins? Finn: How, exactly, did baby die? She's still alive. You and your vampires are gonna help me find her. [SCENE_BREAK] [ BELL TOWER - ST. LOUIS CATHEDRAL ] (Finn is in the middle of casting a locator spell to find Hope, using a map of the United States, many herbs, a jar full of caterpillars, and a small poppet. He holds the poppet in his hands and flicks the doll with his middle finger while he chants the incantation) Finn: De volle es numerus puerum. De volle es numerus puerum. (As he chants, his voice grows louder, and veins in his forehead starts to pop out as he focuses all of his energy and attention on the spell, desperate to complete it. Suddenly, the table holding the map and materials, another table nearby, and all of the lit candles burst into flames around him. Angry and frustrated, Finn smashes the candle holders on the table and knocks the materials onto the floor. As he huffs and puffs in anger, Freya walks into the bell tower and smiles knowingly at him, and he glares at her in annoyance) Finn: Who are you? Freya: I was wondering if you would recognize me. (She smiles awkwardly as she takes him in) Then again, you look a bit different yourself. Finn: (frustrated) I'm gonna ask you again, before I ask much less nicely. Who are you? Freya: (walks toward him) Fitting I'd find you up here. We used to climb up into the trees when we were planning on a bit of mischief. (Finn stares at her, confused and disbelieving) Never wanted Mother to hear what her little Huginn and Muninn were whispering about. (Finn gapes at her in shock) Now, Finn, don't break my heart and tell me you've forgotten me. Finn: (still shocked) It can't be. (Freya smiles and bites her lip, near tears) Freya? (Freya giggles and lunges toward him to hug him tightly. Finn looks overwhelmed, while Freya smirks) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND / MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE ] (Rebekah is standing in one of the upstairs lounges, looking at a painted portrait of Rebekah, in her original body created centuries earlier, that hangs on the wall while Klaus stands behind her) Rebekah: (offended) That is just not my chin, Nik. It was much more delicate. Klaus: The only delicate thing about you, sister, is your ego. Rebekah: (turns to face him and smiles) Well, placed next to the behemoth size of yours, certainly! (They both laugh good-naturedly. Suddenly, Elijah's voice is heard, revealing that they are talking with him on speaker phone while he and Cami stay at the safe house in Arkansas) Elijah: (on the phone) Could we dispense with this fascinating dispute for just a moment and return to the subject of our supposed long-lost sister? Rebekah: (sighs) There's not much to discuss, Elijah. She said she was Freya, and then she darted off into the night. (At the safe house, Elijah is folding blankets in Hope's nursery, while he talks with his siblings on the phone) Elijah: And you believed her? Rebekah: Well, I met the girl in a mystical loony-bin, she could be anyone telling any lie. But, she did seem... familiar, somehow. Klaus: (frustrated) Then how is she still alive? (He rolls his eyes and sighs as he starts to pace around the room) A question, as ridiculous as its possible solutions, given this family's annoying predilection for cheating death. Rebekah: (sighs and shrugs) I dunno, Nik, I'm just telling you what she said! Klaus: Well, did you happen to ask, if by some similar miracle, our aunt Dahlia lives as well? Rebekah: I barely had a chance to process-- Klaus: (cuts her off) --Because on the list of obvious questions, it would be nice to know if the woman who placed a curse on the first-borns of this family is still breathing air. Rebekah: (annoyed) Well, let me just turn back time and do it again to your liking, then! Elijah: (on the phone) Enough! Both of you. If she is who she says, we'll find out soon enough. For now, it remains imperative that no one learns of Hope's existence. This has been our salvation thus far. Klaus: Unless Hayley's husband-to-be starts flapping his gums. (He smiles) Perhaps I should take preventative measures and separate him from his head? Elijah: (annoyed) Jackson will do nothing to jeopardize that wedding. Rebekah: (gasps in confusion) Hayley's getting married?! (Klaus smiles at her, and she sighs and pretends to pout) Well, what in hell else did I miss? [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE BAYOU ] (Jackson is sitting outside Hayley's old shack in the werewolf encampments, where he's whittling a tree branch with a knife. After a moment, Hayley comes out with a broom and joins him) Hayley: Uh, why do people keep leaving broomsticks on the porch? (Jackson sees her and smiles widely) Seeing as I'm not much of a "sweep while the soup's cookin'" kind of gal. Jackson: (smiles wider and laughs) Well, back in the day, it wasn't easy getting a preacher out here. So, if you were engaged, and you couldn't wait... then the community would let you jump the broom. Hayley: (confused and oblivious) Couldn't wait for what? (Jackson can barely hold in his laughter and gives Hayley a significant look. She looks at him, puzzled, and Jackson starts giggling before Hayley finally understands the joke) Hayley: (clears her throat awkwardly in understanding) Oh! (She clears her throat awkwardly) Jackson: (giggling) Yup. Hayley: (waves the broom in the air before she drops it) I would have been happier with a panini press... (Jackson laughs hysterically, and she smiles at him goofily) Jackson: It's just a tradition! Hayley: (clearly uncomfortable) Yeah! Got it. (They sit in awkward silence for a moment before Hayley changes the subject) Hayley: (points to the tree branch) So... what are you working on? (Jackson stands up and moves onto the porch) Jackson: Oh! I started on this for your little girl when you lived here before. Now that she's alive... (He pulls a sheet off of a mound on the porch, revealing it to be a half-finished baby crib made out of wood. The headboard has a crescent moon carved into it) .. I figured it was time to finish it. (Hayley stares at the nursery in amazement, and after a moment, she smiles at him. Jackson clears his throat) Jackson: Something else... I'm getting word from a few packs outside of Louisiana? They wanna be here for the wedding! They want in on the Unification ritual! Hayley: (confused) I thought the ritual only affected the powers of the wolves in our pack? Jackson: (excited) Unless they recognize me as their Alpha. Then your power becomes their power! Hayley: You think their Alphas will step down and bow to you? Jackson: (nods) They're coming here today to do just that. (Hayley looks around, clearly overwhelmed) They want what you have, Hayley. I mean, we all do. I mean, a couple of weeks after the wedding, you are gonna have one hell of an army to protect your little girl. (Hayley looks at him and smiles) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Rebekah is wandering around the compound, calling out for Klaus) Rebekah: Nik? Nik! (Klaus comes out of the next room and joins her as he hangs up the phone) Klaus: (holds up his cell) That was Aiden. Finn has Marcel. (Klaus and Rebekah walk into Klaus' study to continue their conversation) Rebekah: (horrified) What? Why? Klaus: (frantic) I don't know. Nor do I know where they are, what they're doing, or what specifically to do about it. (He picks up a statue off the mantel and slams it down against the wood in frustration) This family makes me want to murder people. (Suddenly, Kol appears behind them, looking exhausted) Kol: I see my timing is as impeccable as usual. Klaus: (appalled) Well, the traitor just thinks he can waltz in here like he's welcome! Rebekah: (growls furiously) As gracious as your apology better be, you're still getting one hell of a slap! (She lunges toward him, but Kol backs away, holding up a hand in front of him and speaking quickly) Kol: Wait! Wait. I understand the irony of what I'm about to say, but I came here because I need your help. (Klaus just laughs dramatically, while Rebekah only becomes more enraged) Rebekah: Figure out how to do your wicked little body-swap, and then we can talk about help! Kol: (frantic) Look, you don't understand, Nik. Finn has locked me in this body-- no more jumping. He's put a curse on me, Nik. I am dying. (Klaus just raises his eyebrows in amusement, while Rebekah crosses her arms and rolls her eyes. Kol laughs bitterly) You don't believe me. Klaus: Well, you're hardly the champion of truth-telling. Kol: Of course, why would a brother expect his siblings to leap to his aid? Klaus: (scoffs) Oh, spare me the pity party, Kol! Your recent actions merit a certain allowance for disbelief. Kol: (frustrated) Look, I know what I've done! (He turns to face Rebekah) But, I won't apologize for trying to pull one over on you, Beks. You deserved it! But I don't deserve to die! Certainly not at the hands of my own family! (Klaus yanks at Kol's arm and spins him so they're face-to-face) Klaus: (not amused) What kind of con are you playing? Kol: (jerks out of his grip) The kind I hate the most-- the truth. (Rebekah looks at Kol worriedly and walks toward Klaus) Rebekah: He's not lying. Even as a boy, Kol never lied once called out on the act. He may play dirty pool, but he's not lying. (Klaus sneers at him before turning away and pacing around the room. Kol walks toward him) Kol: Nik, I was helping Marcel for Davina. Finn has got him, he's trying to get a secret out of him, something he thinks Marcel knows about you. (Kol watches with interest as Klaus and Rebekah share worried and anxious looks. When Kol makes eye contact with Klaus, Klaus gives him a look as though he's inviting him to question him. Kol laughs bitterly) Kol: He's right, isn't he? Klaus: (coldly) Marcel doesn't know anything about anything. Kol: Well, if I were you, I'd hope that that's true, because believe me-- Finn has the means to get it out of him. [SCENE_BREAK] [ BELL TOWER - ST. LOUIS CATHEDRAL ] (Finn and Freya are sitting opposite each other, drinking mugs of tea while they catch up on what has been going on) Freya: I'm here because of a spell Dahlia cast, placing me in a deep sleep for a century, only to then wake for a single year of life. I've repeated this cycle for hundreds of years. It started as a way for us to stay young and beautiful. She said if a witch can't be immortal, this was the next best thing. But, in time, I realized that all her stories were paired with lies. Finn: (troubled) The way you're speaking of her... You're saying that Dahlia is still alive. Freya: (sips her tea) She doesn't just live... she hunts. I fled from her long ago, and I've been running ever since. To Dahlia, any act of betrayal is punishable by death. (Finn sighs anxiously and pinches the bridge of his nose, but Freya leans forward to reassure him) Dahlia is my cross to bear. She has no grudge against anyone but me. Finn: Did she ever speak to you about the curse she placed on this family? The one that says she can take the first-born of every generation? Freya: (confused) Yes. But why should that concern you? Our siblings are vampires, there are no first-borns for her to take. Finn: (sighs) Niklaus. The hybrid. He had a daughter. (Freya looks stunned and sits back, clutching onto the blue stone hanging from her necklace) Freya: Where is she? Finn: (panicked) He has her hidden. Our mother filled my head with the terror of what would happen to all of us if that child had lived, and I've been searching for her, but she's been impossible to find! Freya: Nothing is impossible to find, Finn! (Finn looks skeptical) As powerful as you are... I found you. (She reaches into the pocket of her jacket and pulls out a stack of Norse rune tiles, which she lays on the table) I'll need wormwood and rippleweed and a few other items. (Finn looks at Freya with interest, and she picks up a stray caterpillar off the table and holds it in her hand) I've come to understand a hard lesson in our time apart... (She closes her hands into a fist) .. You have to let some things die so that others might live. (She opens up her hands to reveal she has turned the caterpillar into a butterfly, which sits upon her finger. Finn looks at it, clearly pleased) (In another room in the church's attic, Finn has left all of the vampires in their magical circles on the floor. Marcel, who has just awakened, crawls weakly across the floor to where Gia is laying unconscious so he can talk to her) Marcel: (whispers) I know you're in there. Whatever Finn has in store, we're gonna get through this together. (Suddenly, Finn enters the room and stands behind him) Finn: It's that can-do spirit that makes you the perfect choice. I have a job for you. Marcel: (groans as he tries to stand to his feet) I don't think so. (Marcel continues to try to get to his feet, but he's too weak. Finn, annoyed, walks across the room to where some broken furniture lays and picks up a broken table leg before he stakes one of his vampires in the heart with it. Marcel looks horrified and upset as Finn turns to glare at him) Finn: (coldly) Really? You care to reconsider? (When Marcel remains silent, Finn telekinetically rips the heart out of the unconscious male vampire sitting next to him and summons it into his hand, which he drops carelessly onto the floor. Marcel becomes even more alarmed when Finn aims his hand at Gia in preparation to do the same to her) Marcel: (frantic) What do you want me to do? (He stands to his feet as Finn stops harming his vampires) Finn: It's simple, really-- I need you to bring me Hayley's blood. [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE - ARKANSAS ] (Cami is in the living room, playing with Hope, who is laying on her back on a blanket on the floor. In the kitchen, Elijah has just finished cleaning a skillet in preparation to make breakfast for the girls. He puts butter in the pan before cracking an egg into it. Suddenly, he hears a crash in the next room as Hope starts crying, and Elijah vamp-speeds in to see what happened. A broken dish lays on the floor as Cami picks her up. Hope has a small cut on her forehead) Cami: Oh! (to Elijah) She yanked the tablecloth and that knick-knack fell on her! (Elijah tries to soothe Hope as he examines her wound) It's just a scratch. (As Hope continues to scream and cry from the shock of the injury, Elijah is triggered into another one of his visions, where he gets flashes of the red door at the end of the hallway. Cami holds Hope closer to her as she tries to snap Elijah out of it) Cami: (concerned) Elijah? Elijah! (Finally, Elijah snaps out of it and looks at Cami) Elijah: Yes. (He looks embarrassed and uncomfortable, and Cami looks worried) Forgive me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Rebekah and Kol are setting up candles, salt, and herbs on top of a map on a table in the courtyard to prepare for a spell, while Klaus leans against the nearby wall) Kol: (looks up at Klaus) So, what is the secret, anyway? Klaus: (bored) The term "secret" implies something only known by those who have earned the right to be aware of it. (He stands and faces them) Start the spell. Kol: Well, it's easier said than done. Finn is channeling the power from our parents. (He nods his head toward Rebekah) He's a lot stronger than something some week-old witch and I can do. Rebekah: (offended) Now, hang on! I may not be trained, but I... (Rebekah's emotional outburst causes her to accidentally create a magical wind that blows all of the spell ingredients and candles off of the table. Kol sighs in annoyance and looks at Rebekah, who looks both surprised and guilty as she sits on the couch) Rebekah: (defeated) Oh, blast. Klaus: (walks toward Kol) We need a stronger witch. Call Davina. Kol: (stands to his feet) No, no, no, no, no! I- I don't want her to know that I'm sick. Klaus: Then do a better bloody job! Kol: I just need time. Klaus: (rolls his eyes impatiently) The spell Finn cast to lock you in your body; do you remember it? Kol: Well, I was a little distracted by the murder-y part... Klaus: If we can use his own spell against him, once he's locked in his body, I can end our collective woes with a brief snap of the neck! (Rebekah smiles knowingly) All I need to do is pull it from your memory. Kol: (frantically backs away) Oh, no, no, no! I am not allowing anybody into my mind, do you understand? Klaus: (walks toward him) You came into my home, asking for my help. This is it. (Kol looks at him warily) It's not a request. (Klaus lunges toward Kol and grabs each side of his head with his hands. Suddenly, Klaus sees a memory from the end of The Map of Moments, when Kol kissed Davina. The memory then turns to a scene from Chasing the Devil's Tail. Kol had just brought Davina to the Claire tomb, where he showed her the silver dagger he had stolen from Klaus centuries ago, which he wanted Davina's help to enchant to work on him) Kol: (in flashback) I've wanted one thing for years: to drive a dagger into his heart. (Klaus pulls away from Kol and glares at him furiously. Rebekah looks confused while Kol looks frightened) Kol: (anxious) See? I'm - I'm guessing, just by the look on your face, that it worked. (Klaus furiously lunges toward him and throws him against the wall, where he smacks his forehead against the corner of the doorway to the entrance) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE - ARKANSAS ] (In the living room, Elijah is sitting on the floor with Hope in his lap, where he's putting a cupcake-patterned bandage on the scratch on Hope's forehead. Cami stands in the doorway and watches) Cami: It's a trigger. You pulled yourself back, which is an improvement for sure, but we can't ignore that your mind clearly went elsewhere. (Elijah stands, holding Hope in his arms, and faces her, looking uncomfortable) It's very common in traditional PTSD patients. We've done the work to face your atrocities. The truth is, it's just going to take some time to settle. Elijah: (smiles) And you believe you have the power to resolve this. Cami: (sighs) It's not that easy. There's no... (She snaps her fingers) .. and you're fixed. In cases like yours, sometimes not dwelling on the problem is more productive than examining it through the minutiae of therapy. (She pulls out a list on a sheet of paper and hands it to him) Staying mentally busy instead of physically. This house - though charming - is completely falling apart. Elijah: (examines the list) So, this is your solution? Mend the home, mend the man? Cami: (smiles) Or, we could go fishing and I could tell you about the summer I lost my virginity... Elijah: (cuts her off) I'll mend the home. Cami: (nods in agreement) I'll spend the day with Hope! And you spend the day not thinking. And fixing the heater, because this place is freezing at night. (Elijah looks at Cami and smiles, and she smiles back) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE BAYOU ] (Jackson is outside of Hayley's old shack, where he is wrestling and playing with a handful of young children. They're all pulling on his arms and legs to try to get him to fall over as Jackson laughs happily. When Hayley returns outside, she finds them playing and starts laughing as well, and watches as they continue wrestling) Jackson: Oh, ho ho ho! Young boy 1: Hey, that's mine! Go to the water! Young boy 2: Last one there's a rotten egg! (Most of the children rush over to the lake, but one young girl, Daisy, stays behind and keeps tugging on Jackson's arm to try to knock him over. He picks her up and swings her around, but when they see Hayley, he just laughs and puts her down, patting her gently on the head before she runs off to join the others) Daisy: Wait for me! Hayley: (walks over to Jackson) Looks like I've got some competition! Jackson: (laughs) Unfortunately for Daisy, I am a one-woman kind of guy. Hayley: The meeting's taking place at Mary's. Jackson: (nods) 'Kay. (Hayley senses something nearby and looks around for a moment before turning her attention back to Jackson) Hayley: You go ahead! I'll be right there. (Jackson smiles at her and squeezes her hand affectionately before he leaves for Mary's cabin. Once he's gone, Hayley vamp-speeds over to a wooded area nearby, where she finds Marcel and shoves him, catching him off-guard) Marcel: (startled) Ahhh! Whoa! (He sees Hayley staring blankly at him and gets nervous) Wait! I'm not here to hurt you! Hayley: Well, stalking me is a very funny way of showing it. You're lucky we're friends, or I would have just killed you. Marcel: Okay, remember our friendship when I tell you why I'm here. Finn sent me to get your blood. Hayley: (confused) Why would Finn want my blood? Marcel: I assume he needs it for a locator spell... to find your daughter. Hayley: (stunned and horrified) No. (She looks around anxiously to make sure no one is listening) How does he know? Marcel: He put two and two together. Hayley: Where's Finn now? Marcel: I don't know. He said he'd tell me where to meet him later. But listen, I gotta give him something. He's killing one of my guys every hour until he gets it. Hayley: (thinks for a moment) I need to call Klaus. (She rushes away, leaving Marcel looking anxious and scared) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (In the courtyard, Klaus is confronting Kol about what he found while searching his memories. Kol sits on the floor where he fell, while Rebekah sits and watches from the nearby armchair) Klaus: (angry) You come simpering for brotherly love, and the whole time you were plotting against me with that damn dagger! You're no better than Finn! Kol: (hurt) Oh, and you threatening me makes you better than Finn, does it? Rebekah: (sighs and stands to join them) Both of you, just stop it! Kol: (stands) I came to you because you're my family! But, I see whilst you and Rebekah and Elijah are all hanging portraits and sharing secrets, I'm the odd one out! You wanna know where Finn is? You wanna find a way to kill him? Well, you can figure it out yourself! (He casts a pain infliction spell on Klaus that brings him to his knees, and when Rebekah tries to intervene, he casts one on her, too, forcing her to sit back down on the chair. He takes advantage of them being incapacitated and rushes out of the compound. Once they recover, they stand up, and Rebekah walks toward him) Rebekah: (panting) Your stupid temper will be the end of you one day. Just know that. (She walks out of the room, leaving Klaus panting alone in the courtyard. Suddenly, Klaus' phone starts to ring.. When he sees it's Hayley, he answers it) Klaus: (annoyed) What is it, Hayley? [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Kol has arrived at the Claire tomb, where he's clearly upset and pacing around angrily. He smashes a bunch of glass candle holders on the table and swipes the wreckage onto the floor. He falls onto the nearby couch and starts to cry, running his shaking hands through his hair while he considers his options. Suddenly, his nose starts bleeding, and he anxiously wipes it away. After a moment, his phone rings, and he answers it. It's Finn, who is sitting in his car somewhere) Kol: (furious) Are you calling to gloat, you venomous, venomous animal?! Finn: (laughs) There's no need for such language! I'm calling with a proposition that might motivate me to spare your life. Kol: (gasps and sits up) You've got my interest. Finn: I need you to draw some of Klaus' blood. Bring me some in an hour, and I'll heal you. (Kol quickly stands and picks up the paragon diamond he stole from the Dowager Fauline off of the desk) Kol: It would be my pleasure. [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE / MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Elijah leaves the horse stable in the yard with a toolbox and a radio and gets to work on repairing the ranch-style fence around the property. He starts hammering a nail the normal way, but after a moment, he grows bored and uses his vampire strength to hammer it in with one stroke) (Meanwhile, Klaus is trying to call Elijah from the compound, but when he doesn't answer, he starts yelling into his voicemail as he walks down the stairs, while Rebekah follows behind him) Klaus: (frustrated) Pick up the damn phone, Elijah! Finn is trying to find Hope! (He hangs up the phone) Rebekah: She's safe! It'll take a hundred witches to break the cloaking spell. Klaus: I would've said the same about Mother finding you, and yet, a flock of starlings later, and here we are! Rebekah: He won't let him get to her, Nik. But you need to remain calm. (Suddenly, Kol storms into the courtyard) Kol: (angry) Our brother doesn't do calm. (He throws a handful of powder into Rebekah's face, which causes her to go limp and fall to the ground. When Klaus rushes toward him, he holds out a hand and casts a spell that makes Klaus begin coughing up blood onto the floor as he clutches the paragon diamond in his other hand) Klaus: UGH! Stop! Kol: (enraged) Oh, you're angry, are you? Well, join the party, I've been here a thousand years! (Klaus lunges for Kol, but Kol just hits him with another spell, and he falls to his knees) I was building that dagger to protect myself against you, Nik. I'm not the bad guy in this chapter of our family's story! I'm the wronged! I'm the dead, but never mourned, unless you got everything that you wanted. I got a family who didn't care if I lived or if I died! Klaus: (furious) Oh, shut up! (He vamp-speeds toward Kol and grabs him in a choke-hold as he slams him against the wall) We've all suffered! We've all been wronged! Kol: (gasping for breath) Go on! Go on, finish it off! (Klaus looks torn) Go ahead, kill me! (Klaus glares at Kol for a long moment before finally letting him go and dropping him to the floor. He takes a moment to calm himself before he speaks) Klaus: (incredulous) I'm not going to kill you, you idiot! Despite your behavior, you're still my brother! (Kol looks at him in confusion and surprise as he catches his breath) Kol: Yeah, just the one you dagger repeatedly. Klaus: I've daggered all of you! Each for your own good! If you don't agree with my motives, fine. I never claimed to be the bastion of temperance! But stop this drivel about being singled out and unloved. (He walks toward Kol and kneels in front of him) You are a Mikaelson! You're my blood. And I need you. I need you by my side. Kol: What does it even mean, Nik? Hmm? You talk about family; family this, family that. I haven't even earned the right to share your secrets, have I? Klaus: (shakes his head) No. You haven't. But, by all means, brother, prove yourself. It's not too late. (He holds his hand out to Kol to help him up, and after a moment, Kol takes it, and they both stand to their feet) Kol: (quietly) Finn wants your blood. He promised to heal me if I delivered it. Klaus: You know where he is? Kol: You've gotta tell me why he wants it. (Klaus turns away, unsure, but Kol stops him) Look, Nik, you've gotta trust me for once in your life, and I will stand by your side! I promise. Klaus: You would risk your life to help me? Kol: I know enough about dark magic to know that I'm hexed. (His voice breaks in fear and sadness, and they both start to tear up) There's no reversing what Finn's done to me, which makes him a murderer and a liar. And if I'm gonna die, I'll be damned if he gets what he wants. Klaus: (swallows anxiously) Finn has been dead to me for a long time. Tonight, I intend to make that official. Help me, and then I will share my secret with you. (Kol considers this for a moment) Kol: He'll be in the bell tower of the St. Louis Cathedral. (He smiles sadly before grabbing Klaus' arms and putting his hands on either side of his head) Go inside my head. Find the spell. Let's finish this. (Klaus uses his vampire powers to dive into his memories, and Kol screams in pain) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE BAYOU ] (Outside Mary's cabin, she has gathered all of the Alphas of the packs intending to join the Crescents and has set up the ingredients for the ritual to bind them to Jackson and Hayley's pack. She waves a smudge-stick of sage over a bowl before turning to Jackson and the other Alphas) Mary: Wolves are bonded by what is most important to us: the earth of our territory, the blood of our packs. (As Mary walks toward the Alphas, Hayley sneaks over to Jackson to talk to him) Hayley: We have a problem. Jackson: (concerned) What's wrong? Hayley: (looks around) Too many ears. (She looks over at the Alphas, who are each pouring a handful of grain into the bowl to symbolize merging their packs) But, I need some of your blood. (Jackson gives her a puzzled look) It's - it's a stall. I'll explain later. Jackson: (nods in understanding and looks over at Mary and the Alphas) Well, your timing's perfect. (The Alphas each take a blade and slice open their palms to bleed into the bowl in turn) Mary: Mixing these elements, we irrevocably bind ourselves to one another, creating a new Crescent pack. I ask each one of you-- do you renounce your Alpha status? (The Alphas all kneel in front of Jackson. Mary brings the blade and the bowl over to Jackson, and he slices his own palm to bleed into the bowl. Mary leaves with the bowl, and Hayley looks up at Jackson) BELL TOWER OF ST. LOUIS CATHEDRAL Edit (Klaus, Kol, and Rebekah arrive at the bell tower, only to find that Finn isn't there. All that remains is the table where he worked his spell earlier) Klaus: Where is he? Is this a trick? Kol: (nervous) He said he'd be here, I swear. (They all start wandering around the room and examining its contents for clues. Kol looks at the table covered in ash and ingredients of Finn's spell) Kol: This is the remnant of a spell. Ancient. It's impressive. Klaus: Admire its artistry later. Tell me what he set in motion. (Rebekah has walked up a staircase to get a better vantage point, and points at something on the table) Rebekah: Kol, what is that? (When he looks closer, he finds a small, burnt piece of wood under a pile of ash, which he picks up and holds tightly in his hand. After a moment, he casts a spell) Kol: Sanguinatum planicium. Sanguinatum planicium. (Suddenly, the piece of wood becomes whole and unburnt, revealing that it's one of Freya's Norse rune tiles with what looks like a combination of the "thurisaz" and "gebo" alphabet runes) Rebekah: Runic tiles. And what's it mean? Kol: It's a symbol... (He squints at the tile in confusion) .. for baby. (Klaus and Rebekah give each other a significant look, which doesn't escape Kol's notice. Kol's eyes widen in alarm when he realizes what it means) Kol: That's it, isn't it? Your baby's still alive. Rebekah: (rushes toward them) Finn tricked is into running about all day thinking he was looking for a way to find Hope... Klaus: (finishes her sentence) .. When he knew where she was all along. (Klaus quickly reaches into his pocket to pull out his phone) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE - ARKANSAS ] (Elijah is back in the horse stable, putting away all of his tools, when his phone starts to ring. When he sees it's Klaus, he answers it) Elijah: Niklaus. Klaus (on phone): Finn knows. About Hope, about everything. I don't know how long until he gets there, but he is on his way. Elijah: (sees something approaching him and tenses in anticipation) Yes, remarkably well on his way, I would say, brother... (Finn, who has just arrived, stands in front of Elijah's face as he hangs up the phone. Finn says nothing, but simply flicks his wrist and telekinetically throws Elijah backwards into the wall) [SCENE_BREAK] [ FARMER'S MARKET - ARKANSAS ] (Cami has taken Hope to the Farmer's Market, and she stops for a moment to call Elijah and leave him a voicemail from a payphone nearby) Cami: (on the phone) Hey, Elijah. I left my cell at the house like an idiot. Luckily, payphones are still a thing out here in the sticks! (She's distracted momentarily when she looks over at Hope in her stroller next to her and realizes the cut on her forehead is no longer visible underneath the bandage any longer) Um, anyway, we're heading home now. (She hangs up the phone and kneels in front of Hope's stroller to examine her wound. She peels off the bandage to reveal that while there is blood on it, the wound itself is completely healed. Cami laughs in amusement and gently caresses her head) Cami: (to Hope) I don't know if the pediatric ward would approve of Uncle Elijah using vampire blood to heal boo-boos! (She laughs again and continues to gaze at Hope affectionately) [SCENE_BREAK] [ BELL TOWER OF ST. LOUIS CATHEDRAL ] (Klaus is pacing around as he hangs up his phone and updates Kol and Rebekah) Klaus: (anxious) Cami's not answering. Rebekah: Elijah will protect them. Klaus: Finn is channeling both our parents. He's too strong. We need to find a way to sever his link to them! How do we do that? Kol: I can't sever the link. (His eyes widen as he has a revelation) But there is something we can try. It'll take power of our own. And a lot of it. [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE - ARKANSAS ] (Elijah has just picked himself off the floor and glares at Finn angrily as he lunges for him. Before Elijah can touch him, Finn waves his arm in front of him and casts a spell to protect him) Finn: Kimbe portranti. (Elijah looks at him murderously, but Finn just smiles and shrugs) Elijah: How'd you find me? Finn: A little help from our sister. Elijah: Rebekah would never lure herself to wallow in your filth. Finn: We have more than one, you know. (Elijah looks confused) And I get the sense she doesn't like you all that much. Elijah: (shocked) Freya? Finn: Mother warned me Dahlia would kill us all to acquire another first-born Mikaelson. And me? I'm in no mood to die! [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE BAYOU ] (Hayley is talking with Marcel, who is holding a vial of Jackson's blood, in her old shack) Hayley: (worried) Klaus said it was all just a plan to keep us distracted. He's going after her, I have to get there. Marcel: (stops her) Whoa, wait! You said so yourself, it's six hours away. Finn's already there. Hayley: I can't just stand here and do nothing, Marcel! Marcel: You listen to me. There is no way that Elijah is gonna let anything happen to your baby girl today! So, go help Jackson build the army that'll help keep her safe tomorrow. (Hayley nods at him in agreement before leaving to go find Jackson) (Elsewhere in the Bayou, Gia and the other vampires awaken to find themselves in a dark van, still starving from Finn's spell. Gia opens the back doors to the van to find themselves in the middle of the woods near the werewolf encampments as the rest of the vampires get out of the trunk) Gia: Where the hell are we? Male Vampire: I smell blood. (Gia and the male vampire lead the rest toward the source of the smell) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE - ARKANSAS ] (Elijah is still in the stable, pacing around, while Finn stands defiantly) Elijah: Cowering behind your witchcraft? You always were pathetic, Finn. Finn: After nearly a millennium of dishonorable acts hidden away in your own mind, you have the audacity to call me names? Ha! What I do now, I do for the members of my family who can still be saved. Unfortunately, neither you nor Niklaus managed to make that list. (Finn uses his magic to telekinetically throws a nearby pick-ax into Elijah's back. While Elijah desperately tries to pull it out, he telekinetically throws the handle of a shovel into his heart, temporarily neutralizing him. Elijah falls to the ground, and once he's down, his skin starts to desiccate. Satisfied, Finn leaves the barn and walks toward the house) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Kol and Rebekah are outside the Lyonne tomb, where Finn has Esther and Mikael's neutralized bodies hidden for safe-keeping. Kol is lighting candles around the outside of the tomb) Kol: (frustrated) We can't get in without Finn's blood. Rebekah: Well, how do we disrupt Finn from channeling our parents in there if we can't even get through the bloody binding circle? Kol: We're not here to disrupt Finn's power, we're trying to overload it. Rebekah: (incredulous) Are you daft? You want to make him stronger? Kol: (stands to face her) Look, a witch can only ever channel so much power. After that, things start to get ugly. I mean, they'll literally start to disintegrate from the inside. He'll either have to release the power, or, well... let it kill him. Rebekah: But, he won't be dead, he'll just body-jump. Kol: Yes, into a body three hundred miles away from the niece he's trying to 'nap. Rebekah: (smiles proudly) In case you're wondering, this is the side of you I like. (Kol, looking touched by her words, stands up after he finishes arranging the candles and looks at her apologetically) Kol: Look, I'm going to get you back in your body, Beks, if it's the last thing I do. I promise. Rebekah: (chuckles) Right now, just worry about how in blazes I'm going to be any use to you whatsoever when I know nothing about magic. Kol: You don't need to know anything about magic; I'm just going to have to channel you. (Klaus arrives with a duffle bag in his hand) Kol: Did you get me what I asked for? Klaus: (drops the bag onto the floor in front of him) Mystical artifacts and dark objects galore, from my own personal collection garnered over a thousand years. (Kol rifles through the bag, pulling out a long cord with a feather on the end, and revealing many more items, including the familiar enchanted shackles that prevent witches from doing magic and the Devil's Star) Kol: I wondered where this had gone! Half this stuff is mine! Klaus: There's more. (He reaches into his jacket pockets, first pulling out the blade Finn used to neutralize Mikael and Esther by carving the symbol to channel them and throwing it on the bag. He then pulls out the indestructible white oak stake and holds it out for Kol to take) Kol: You're going to trust me with this? Klaus: Whatever you need. (He puts the stake in Kol's hand) Whatever it takes. Kol: (nods) Alright. Let's get started. (He lays the stake on the altar in front of the tomb, and places one hand on the door before holding out the other hand for Rebekah to take. She takes his hand and places her free hand on the wall as well, holding their linked hands above the pile of dark objects to channel them) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE BAYOU ] (Outside Mary's cabin, she has a sheet of parchment titled "Pledge of Fealty," which the Alphas of the other packs signed as part of the ritual to induct them into the Crescent Wolf Clan. Mary has crushed herbs into a paste, which she smears onto the bottom of the treaty) Mary: After the anointing of the Alphas, will be the final seal of our... (She stops talking and gapes as Gia and the rest of the vampires swarm around Jackson and the Alphas, looking hungry and weakened. When Jackson looks up and notices them, he watches as Gia's eye-veins start to pop out in hunger. Suddenly, all the vampires start to attack the Alphas, and Jackson rushes toward them to try to break it up) Jackson: Gia, you don't have to do this! Gia: I'm sorry, but I do. (She vamps-out and starts to feed on one of the Alphas, while another vampire rushes toward Jackson. Jackson picks up a piece of wood to stake the vampire, but Hayley stops him from killing him as she tries to break them up) Hayley: No! (Marcel intervenes and breaks the neck of the vampire trying to attack Jackson) Marcel: (to Jackson and Hayley) We just need to keep them at bay until Finn's spell is breaks. Jackson: It's a hell of a spell! Hayley: (to Jackson and Marcel) Get the Alphas to the cabin. I'll hold them off. (Jackson does as he's told and leads the Alphas to Mary's cabin while Marcel follows behind him and Hayley fights the vampires) Marcel: (to Hayley) Try and keep my guys alive. Hayley: Ditto! (She punches a vampire in the face before snapping the necks of two of them in a row with one hand. Marcel and Jackson get the Alphas and Mary safely into the cabin, but once they lock themselves in, they hear vampires leaping onto the roof in an attempt to get in) Jackson: Marcel, you got any idea how to end this? Marcel: Just weather the storm until we figure that out! [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE / LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (With Elijah neutralized for the moment, Finn enters the safe house through the front door. He stops and chuckles to himself when he sees baby toys set up all around the inside of the home) (Meanwhile, outside in the barn, Elijah has begun to heal and awakens from his brief slumber, immediately jerking awake and looking around for Finn) (Inside, Finn continues looking around the house. He finds a familiar-looking cardigan sweater laying on the arm of the couch, and when he picks it up, he smiles knowingly when he realizes that it's Cami's) Finn: (drops the sweater) Where are you, Camille? (Outside, Elijah hears Finn calling out for her and pulls the shovel out of his chest so he can go after him) There's no use in hiding! (At the cemetery, Rebekah and Kol are in the middle of channeling the dark objects into the link with Mikael and Esther to overpower Finn while Klaus watches) Kol & Rebekah: (chanting) Los triforce comète. Los triforce comète. (After a moment, they're jerked backwards. Rebekah looks at Kol worriedly as his nose starts to bleed. He looks exhausted and sick) Kol: Oh, we're close! We just need something to put it over the top. Klaus: (steps forward) Take me. (Kol looks unsure) I am a vampire-werewolf hybrid with ten centuries of blood on my hands. Channel me. Kol: (shakes his head) No, Nik... Klaus: (squeezes his arm affectionately) You wanted my trust, brother. Here it is. (He picks up the knife and places it in Kol's hand) Do not fail me. (Klaus kneels in front of Kol, and after Rebekah nods at him encouragingly, Kol takes up the knife and begins to carve the channeling symbol onto Klaus' forehead. Kol and Rebekah then gently lay Klaus down on the ground between them, next to the dark objects, and once again link hands so they can begin the spell) Kol & Rebekah: Los triforce comète. Los triforce comète. [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE / LAFAYETTE CEMETERY / THE BAYOU ] (Finn is still searching for Cami and Hope in the safe house, and is looking through the various rooms) Finn: (angry) I know you're in here, Camille! (Suddenly, a large knife flies through the open front door and embeds itself right into Finn's abdomen. He yells out in pain as Elijah walks purposefully through the door in his direction, kicking the door shut behind him. Finn groans as he pulls the knife out) (In the cemetery, Kol and Rebekah continue channeling Klaus and the bagful of dark objects through Mikael and Esther. At the safe house, Finn's nose begins to bleed, and he drops the blade onto the floor as he wipes at his lip. He glares at Elijah and flicks his fingers) Finn: Lec sale te femmet! (Elijah's body is telekinetically pulled toward Finn, and Finn directs his fingers in such a way that Elijah is thrown back and forth against the walls before being flung through the wall into the living room. As Elijah gets up, he notices that the impact broke a pipe which is now leaking gas into the house. Elijah is distracted suddenly by the sight of blood on his shirt from where Finn stabbed him earlier, and the blood on his hands triggers another vision of the red door in his mind as Finn stumbles toward him) (In the cemetery, Kol and Rebekah are still desperately casting the spell in hopes of forcing Finn's hand. Finn is overwhelmed by all the power and falls against the wall as he screams in pain) Finn: Ahhhhh! (As Kol and Rebekah chant, the power forces its way through the tomb, into Mikael and Esther's neutralized bodies, and then into Finn himself) Finn: (bellows) Ahhhhh! (Kol and Rebekah are overwhelmed by the power flowing through them and scream in pain as well) Kol & Rebekah: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! (In the cemetery, Kol and Rebekah are both thrown backwards onto the floor, while in the safe house, Finn crumples to his knees) (In the Bayou, Hayley is still furiously fighting against the starving vampires, spinning and kicking them as hard as she can. She inadvertently throws one of the vampires onto the pile of wood, and one of the sticks accidentally goes through his heart and kills him. Hayley looks guilty and ashamed when she turns to find Gia glaring at her) Hayley: I don't want to kill you, Gia. (Suddenly, Gia faints before she can do anything, and Marcel just barely catches her before she hits the ground. As they look around, all of the rest of the vampires have crumpled to the the ground as well. Hayley and Marcel look confused) Marcel: They broke the spell. [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Rebekah stands up and rushes over to help Kol onto his feet. Once he's standing, she hugs him tightly) Rebekah: (squeezes him) You're a genius! You glorious b*st*rd! Kol: (embraces her back) Well, I'm a little surprised it worked, myself. (All of a sudden, Kol is overcome by a severe coughing fit, and backs away from her as he doubles over. Rebekah looks at him with worry) Rebekah: (rubs his back) Kol? (Kol continues to cough, and she pulls him up so she can look him in the eyes) Listen. I am not going to let you die. You hear me? Whatever it takes. (Kol smiles weakly at her and sways on his feet) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE BAYOU ] (Marcel is carrying the unconscious bodies of the vampires outside in the yard while Hayley stands by and watches. After a moment, Jackson returns from Mary's cabin) Jackson: Hayley? (As soon as Hayley sees him, she hugs him tightly and breathes a sigh of relief. Jackson rubs her back soothingly until she pulls away) Hayley: Hope will be alright. Elijah will protect her, I know it. (Jackson nods in understanding) But Jack, this stuff, these attacks, they're only going to get worse. We need to get married as soon as possible. (Jackson nods again, but remains silent) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Kol and Rebekah are helping sit Klaus up in front of the Lyonne tomb after waking him up from the channeling spell) Klaus: (panting) Ahh. Tell me it worked. Kol: (smiles) We did our bit. (Rebekah smiles at them) I promise, Finn is back to being a normal, regular-strength maniacal b*st*rd. Klaus: (takes a deep breath) I know in the last millennium, we haven't always seen eye-to-eye. But, in this moment, I am reminded once again of something Elijah has always said. Family is power. (Kol smiles at him, and Klaus puts his arm around Kol and Rebekah's shoulders) Thank you. Kol: You're welcome. Rebekah: Speaking of Elijah... Klaus: He will prevail. Of that, I have no doubt. [SCENE_BREAK] [ ARKANSAS BACK ROADS / MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE ] (Cami is driving up the road toward the safe house with Hope in tow) (Inside the house, Finn is still kneeling on the floor in the hallway, but manages to get to his feet. He's shaky as he walks into the next room, where Elijah is staring at his hands in a daze as he rubs them together, smearing the blood over his skin) (In the car, Cami hears Hope make a whiney noise and smiles as she checks on her) Cami: It's okay! (As they drive, Cami starts humming Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star to soothe her) (In the safe house, Finn watches Elijah from behind as he continues smearing the blood over his hands) Finn: Look at you, brother. You're a mess. (Unbeknownst to Finn, Elijah is listening and forcing himself not to react as he keeps rubbing his hands together) And, as we both know, untidiness is your undoing. Tell me, do your soiled clothes serve as a reminder of your filthy memories? Your many sins? Are you having bad memories now, brother? Perhaps of the innocent Tatia? Or any one of the other poor souls who met their fate at your hands? (Cami and Hope continue driving toward the house. Inside, Elijah continues pretending not to listen to Finn taunt him) Finn: It's a shame, really, because, in a way, the child is just another one of your victims. Had you the will to stand against me, you might've saved her. But, because she was left under the protection of a wretch, a beast that basks in the blood of others, she. will. die. I suppose your little niece never really had a chance. (Cami and Hope are just about to the house when the car suddenly shuts off in the middle of the road. Cami, confused, starts pressing the start button, but nothing will power up. In the house, Elijah continues to wait Finn out) Finn: I'd ask for a response, but I wouldn't want to taint myself with the vulgar refuge that must, even now, be flashing through your mind. Elijah: (puts down his hands and sighs in annoyance) Let me assure you, my mind is quite clear. (Finn looks alarmed as he stares at Elijah) Much like the gas that has pervaded every single room in this home whilst you've been rambling like the lunatic that you are. (He turns to face Finn, who is staring at him in shock) You have disgraced this family for the last time. (Elijah takes off his daylight ring and holds it in one hand while he holds his other hand into the sunlight) Elijah: Goodbye, brother. (His hand burns and bursts into flames, igniting the gas in the air and blowing up Finn and the house in a humongous fire-ball. On the road, Cami sees the explosion and jumps in shock and horror as she watches the house go up in flames) Cami: (horrified) Oh my God! (All of a sudden, the car's power clicks back on, startling Cami once again. Completely shocked, Cami turns back to Hope, who is sitting calmly in her car seat. She realizes that Hope had stopped the car to protect them from harm and gapes at her in awe) [ END ]

Plan: A: Alpha werewolves; Q: Who has come to join Jackson's pack? A: Freya; Q: Who finds Finn? A: Kol; Q: Who does Marcel send to collect the blood of Hayley and Klaus? A: the Alphas; Q: Who is Marcel trying to keep his vampires from feeding on? A: Cami; Q: Who is with Elijah and Hope? A: Kol and Rebekah channel Klaus; Q: Who channels Klaus? A: magic; Q: What is used to overload Finn? A: his extra power; Q: What does Finn lose? A: gas; Q: What is the house filled with? A: explode; Q: What happens to the house? A: baby Hope; Q: What is the name of the baby? A: her possible powers; Q: What is the episode ending alluding to? Summary: Alpha werewolves have come to join Jackson's pack, so that the power from the marriage to Hayley will also spread to them and their packs. Freya finds Finn, who has sent Marcel and Kol to collect the blood of Hayley and Klaus which will help him locate the "miracle baby" which he believes is still alive and is the big secret Klaus is keeping. However, Marcel is busy trying to keep his vampires from feeding on the Alphas and once again, Kol changes sides and helps Klaus in hope that he and his other siblings will trust him. Meanwhile Finn has arrived at the house where Elijah, Cami and Hope have been staying. He stumbles upon Elijah and stakes him before searching for the baby. Kol and Rebekah channel Klaus, to overload Finn with magic. Elijah wakes up moments later and goes after Finn, determined to save Hope. Finn is overloaded with magic and loses his extra power before Elijah makes the house (which is filled with gas) explode. The episode ends with a glimpse at baby Hope, alluding to her possible powers.

[A Bus Stop] (Silas is sitting next to a couple) Silas: You ever been in love? Love. Hello, you two Woman: Yeah. We're together, in love Silas: Aw, that's so adorable. I love love. I do. Yeah. I have a soul mate, too, you know, that love at first sight, want to live forever, love is eternal kind of love? Amara. That's her name.See, the problem is when I first met Amara, I was with another woman, so I kind of cheated on her, which to be honest with you, it really wouldn't have been that big of a deal except it turned out that the other woman was a raging lunatic, so when she found out that I cheated on her, she freaked out, turned Amara into stone, like, literally, Medusa style Man: Dude, are you, like, ok? Silas: What do you mean? You think I'm crazy? Why do you think I'm crazy?All I've wanted for the last 2,000 years. Is to be reunited with the love of my life. How's that crazy? Woman: Maybe the turned her to stone part Man: Or the 2,000 years part Silas: No. Guys, we were both immortal, and now we're not. Hello? Look. The point is I finally had the chance to hold Amara in my arms, and what does she do? She jams a chunk of glass into my carotid artery. Look, look Man: No thanks Silas: Listen, you two. Here's my advice. Live it up. You know, enjoy this love while it lasts because let me tell you something. Just a couple days ago, I was psychic, I was immortal, I was in love. Now my neck hurts, my soul is crushed, I'm sitting in a bus stop in frigging Delaware Woman: You're in Philly Silas: I'm in Philly? Ohh! God, it's even worse (Suddenly, the man is hurting and coughing) Woman: What's going on, babe? Hey. What's going on? Hey. Talk to me. Oh, my God. What's happening? What are you doing to him? Silas: I think I'm liquefying his internal organs. Did I fail to mention that I'm a witch? Woman: Please stop. Please just stop Silas: No! I'm pissed off at the world, and I'm taking it out on your so-called lover Woman: Oh, my God! Silas: And I'm thinking you might be my next victim Woman: Oh, my God! (She runs) Silas: Look at that. Unbelievable. Love is so damn fickle. Incredible. Here you go, buddy. Come on up. Come on up, come on up, come on up. Up you go. That's good, good. Buses, however... Tried and true [Salvatore's House] (Stefan wakes up. Elena is here) Elena: Stefan. Morning. I made coffee. How did you sleep? Stefan: Ohh...not great Elena: First night back in your own bed. Not as comfy as Tessa's couch, huh? Stefan: If we're gonna talk about Tessa, I think I need that caffeine. So, uh, what's with the wakeup call? Elena: I miss you. I feel like when you lost your memories I lost a friend, and I was thinking instead of describing how much we meant to each other, maybe we can just start fresh. Hi. I'm Elena Stefan: I was driving to Portland Elena: What? Stefan: The night I took Silas to the quarry, I said good-bye to Lexi, and then I decided to keep driving west Elena: Wait. Hang on. How do you remember that? Stefan: Because my memories are back Elena: Really? Are you serious? How? Stefan: Tessa came here last night, and she undid whatever spell fried my brain, and it's all back. I can remember everything Elena: Stefan, this is great! This is amazing (Stefan is in the living room with Damon et Elena) Damon: October 1852 Stefan: You broke my nose trying to teach me how to throw a right hook Damon: But not on purpose just to be clear. How much did you pay for that hunk of junk motorcycle that you ride? Stefan: That's a trick question. You bought me that motorcycle, although I'm guessing it was pretty expensive Damon: So Tessa just gave you back your memories, no strings attached Stefan: Well, it wasn't exactly a gift. It was a lot to take in all at once, everything from blowing out the candles on my first birthday cake to... drowning in a safe Elena: Stefan... Damon: Whoa! Easy there, buddy Elena: Stefan, where did you go? Stefan: Uh...all of that, and I still can't remember my own strength. What was that noise? Damon: Uh, well that is... Elena: We have a situation Damon: Of the doppelganger variety Elena: Yeah Stefan: Katherine? Damon: No, nope, not Katherine (Stefan and Damon go in the basement to see Amara, who's talking to herself) Amara: I don't know! I don't know Stefan: What's wrong with her? Damon: Tessa turned her into a block of rock, left her in a box for 2,000 years, probably went a little stir crazy like those deserted island guys who talk to volleyballs Amara: I said I don't know! Stefan: So you're telling me that this girl is the only thing holding together the other side? Damon: Yep. She's the anchor Amara: Leave me alone! Damon: As long as she's alive, the other side exists, and we can keep trying to get Bonnie from over there Amara: I said I don't know! Stefan: Well, considering she's immortal, I'd say we have plenty of opportunity Damon: You'd think, except last night she stuck a hole in Silas' neck, sucked the cure right out of him, so now she's not only nuts, but she's mortal, which means we have to keep her ordinary little human heart beating until we get Bonnie back Stefan: How would you plan to do that? Damon: Silas made a pinky promise that he'd do a spell to bring her back. Unfortunately, he's taking his sweet time coming back to Mystic Falls. Eh, Amara, stop! Amara: No! No! Let me die. I want to die! Damon: Let's hope love is blind or at least deaf (Jeremy rejoins Bonnie) Jeremy: It turns out that it's not gonna be that easy to keep Amara alive Bonnie: I wonder what will happen if she dies and the other side gets destroyed. Think there will be, like, a white light and then nothing? It won't hurt, will it?Oh, it'd suck if it hurt Jeremy: Bon, there's something I want to tell you. Actually, there are 3 things that I want to tell you Bonnie: Don't you dare give me a good-bye speech Jeremy: This is not a good-bye. That's the first thing. I know one way or another that you will always be here. The second is thank you for giving your life up for me Bonnie: Jer... Jeremy: And the third is... Bonnie: Wait. Don't tell me. If you don't tell me, we'll have to wait until another time, which means there will be another time Jeremy: I'm not sure it works like that Bonnie: Just go with it, ok? [Whitmore College] (Katherine is with Dr. Maxfield. He shows her X-rays) Katherine: So what am I looking at here, hmm, blood clot, tumor, what? 1.: I did a full workup on your blood, Katherine. It's clean Katherine: My hair is going gray, and my teeth are falling out. I'm not sure what that suggests, but it's definitely not health (He talks in his recorder) 1.: Patient is irritable. Not sure if this is a symptom or personality Katherine: Personality. Now tell me exactly what the hell is going on with me 1.: You're aging Katherine: What? 1.: You said you were turned into a vampire 500 years ago, give or take, and now that you're human, let's just say time is catching up with you Katherine: Ok. Ok. Well, how do we stop it? 1.: We don't. It's just life running its course quicker than normal Katherine: How much quicker? 1.: If it continues at this rate, you have a few months. I'm sorry [A Bus] (Silas is on the bus. His phone rings. He answers. It's Damon) Silas: Hello, Damon Damon: Well, look who decided to pick up his phone. Is your secretary out sick? Silas: They prefer administrative assistants now, thank you very much. I learned that on the bus. Very nice people on here by the way Damon: You're taking a bus? Not to sound like a dick, man, but we're in a little bit of a rush over here Silas: Yeah, but you know what's great about the bus? Open road, Damon. There's all this time to think, watch every day human beings in their normal environment. Did you know that gas is over $3.00 a gallon at the moment? That seems to really concern a lot of people Damon: This is not a time to have an everyman crisis. We need you back here to resurrect Bonnie before your nutter butter soul mate offs herself an destroys the other side Silas: Yeah. I been thinking about that. Amara needs to die Damon: Pardon me? Silas: My poor Amara, all those years trapped in stone clearly left her unhinged, so look, if she doesn't want to spend another moment on this earth, then I'm more than happy to put her out of her misery and spend the rest of eternity in the afterlife with her, but listen, if you want to go ahead and kill her and save me the trouble, then please by all means Damon: Not till you bring Bonnie back, remember? Promises made metaphorical hands shook Silas: I've been thinking about that, too, Damon. Remember when I told you that the universe is working to draw our doppelgangers together and you laughed in my face? Well, if you don't bring Bonnie back from the other side, then you'll be breaking your promise to Elena, and the idea of jeopardizing your relationship brings me this perverse amount of joy, so I've decided not to help you, Damon, and I will see you soon. I'm looking forward to all this being over. Bye [Whitmore College] (Caroline leaves a voicemail to Jessie) Caroline: Hey, Jesse. You missed our study session again. Where are you? Look. I'm really worried. Just call me (She hangs up and sees Nadia) Nadia: Well... that was pathetic Caroline: Um, I'm sorry? Nadia: Leaving a message for a boy who... what's the American phrase... oh--is just not that into you? Caroline: And who are you? Nadia: I'm looking for Katherine Pierce. I heard she was living here, so I checked your room Caroline: What? You went into my room? Nadia: Do you know where she is or not? Caroline: Great. Even Katherine's friends are bitches Nadia: I'm not her friend (Katherine arrives) Katherine: Are you kidding me? Nadia: I need to speak with you Caroline: Um, how do you two know each other? Nadia: Katherine is my... Katherine: She's my stylist. Ahem. She cuts my hair Caroline: Ok. Whatever (She leaves) Katherine: What do you want? Nadia: Sit. You've been avoiding me Katherine: Yeah. I've been a busy girl doing busy things Nadia: Sit [Salvatore's House] Elena: We need to buy some more time, protect Amara. Maybe we should move her somewhere else Damon: Silas is a witch. He's a living, breathing GPS tracking device. He'll track her wherever we take her Elena: We can't let him anywhere near her until he brings Bonnie back Stefan: Weren't you listening to anything? He's not gonna bring her back Elena: So, what, I should just give up? Come on, Stefan. You got your memory back. You know me probably better than anyone else. Do you really think that I'm gonna give up? Stefan: You know what? You're right. I do know you. You put your hope in all the wrong places. And sometimes in the wrong people. Silas needs to die and put us all out of our misery Elena: So long as he's alive, I'm holding out hope that he can still help us Stefan: Well, as someone who just spent the last 3 months at the bottom of a quarry because of the guy, I wouldn't hold your breath, pun intended. Silas needs to die, and I need to be the one to kill him, end of story (Jeremy and Bonnie are at the cell and look at Amara) Jeremy: How's our mental patient doing? Bonnie: I guess all those years alone sent her over the edge Jeremy: Relax. I'm... I'm just bringing dinner Amara: I know you Jeremy: I don't think so Amara: You're the hunter. I never forget a face, but Silas killed you. You're dead Jeremy: I was. I came back Amara: How? I said how? (She looks at Bonnie) Amara: It was you, wasn't it? You're a witch. You brought him back Bonnie: You can see me? Amara: Of course I can see you. I'm not blind. I have eyes. Or are you dead? I get so mixed up. I can't tell the difference between the living or the dead Jeremy: Can you see people on the other side? Amara: I am the anchor to the other side. I can see everything (Bonnie touches her) Amara: Gah! Don't touch me! Please don't... don't touch me Bonnie: I can touch her Jeremy: Ok. That's weird Bonnie: Jer, I think I've got an idea (Jeremy is with Elena and Damon) Jeremy: Amara could see Bonnie, and Bonnie could touch her. They made physical contact. It's like Amara's got foot on each side or something Elena: Amara exists in both places at once, here and the other side? Damon: Then she's not crazy crazy; she's just talking to dead supernatural beings roaming around in our basement Bonnie: That's not the point Jeremy: The point is if Silas isn't gonna help us what if Bonnie could be the same thing? What if she existed on both sides at once? What if she became the anchor? Elena: You're right. Jeremy, you're right. So all we would need is someone who could do that spell Damon: Oh, please don't say who I think you're gonna say Elena: Think about it. Silas wants Amara to die, and Amara wants Amara to die, so who besides us is the one person with the biggest stake against letting that happen? [A Cabin] (Tessa opens the door to Damon) Damon: I was hoping we could talk Tessa: And I was hoping you were my Chinese food. Good-bye Damon: You remember Amara, right, brunette, brown eyes; I'm surprisingly not in love with her? Tessa: What about her? Damon: Well, she took the cure, she wants to die, and we have her Tessa: But she's alive? Damon: For now. Silas is literally on his way to kill her. He's completely obsessed with destroying the other side so that he and Amara can live happily ever after in the great beyond. Man, you were right about these doppelgangers. They do always end up together. So how does it feel to say, "I told you so"? Tessa: Like I want to shoot fireballs at Silas and drown him in acid Damon: See? That's what I thought. So how would you feel about us making a deal? [Salvatore's House] (Elena rejoins Stefan) Elena: Haven't you heard it's bad luck to kill your doppelganger? Stefan: Yeah? Well, if I don't kill him, he wins Elena: And what if he kills you first? Witches aren't exactly easy to take down. We just got you back, Stefan. Don't do anything crazy. You and I have been down the revenge road, and it's not worth it Stefan: You know, there were these moments in that safe, a stillness in time when I was dead right before I was about to come back to life, I would think about things in the past that made me happy, things that gave me hope. All these things kept me sane. They pushed me to hang on when all I wanted to do was give up and turn off my humanity, but eventually, the pain took those moments away from me, too Elena: I'm so sorry Stefan: Every time I close my eyes, I can see Silas stabbing me, I can feel myself drowning, and I need to make it stop. If I don't kill him, I'm gonna lose my mind, or I'm gonna turn off my humanity... or both [A Cabin] Damon: So here's my pitch. In order to keep the other side in place, you need something to anchor the spell, right, something powerful, like an immortal being powerful. Now Amara was obviously a great choice until she downed the cure, so would you consider someone who's dead but stuck on the other side a viable candidate? Tessa: An anchor swap? Damon: Because I've got a volunteer Tessa: I'd be making a ghost a human toll booth between our side and the other side, giving her the power to interact with our physical world and the supernatural Purgatory Damon: So what's the problem? Tessa: I need a massive amount of power to do a transfer spell like that Damon: Fine. Name your poison Tessa: I need something to draw on. The moon's not full, I don't think there's a worthy comet for another couple billion years Damon: Think hard. I have a girlfriend at home who misses her best friend and a wacky stowaway on suicide watch. It's ridiculous Tessa: Doppelgangers. They're powerful, mystical, naturally recurring Damon: You want doppelganger blood? I got doppelgangers coming out of my ears. How many do you want? [SCENE_BREAK] [Whitmore College] (Katherine is still with Nadia) Nadia: You hate junk food. You call it toxic poison Katherine: Yeah? Well, I've decided to live a little. Now may I be excused, scary vampire daughter? Nadia: You've been avoiding me. I don't like it Katherine: Clearly Nadia: We had a moment, you and I. There was a bond. I felt it, and then nothing.You abandoned me all over again Katherine: Ok. First of all, I never abandoned you. You were snatched out of my arms at birth because my father thought I was a knocked-up, shameful slut, and second of all, it's been 500 years. Do we really have to do this whole mother-daughter bonding thing? Estrangement is so much easier, don't think? (Caroline rejoins them) Caroline: Sorry to interrupt the world's weirdest lunch, but, you with the doppelganger blood, duty calls Katherine: Wonderful. Now that Katherine's a human and fragile, everyone thinks that they can just boss her around. Hands off, ok? I'm going Nadia: We're not done Katherine: Oh, yes, we are [Salvatore's House] (Damon enters with Tessa) Tessa: So you live in this giant mansion with two doppelgangers that are destined to end up together?I swear there's a sitcom in there somewhere. So where's the ancient boyfriend-stealing bitch? Damon: This way (Elena leads Tessa to Amara) Tessa: That'll be all (She enters and closes the door) Tessa: Well, if it isn't the face that launched a thousand doppelgangers. A little birdie told me you aren't enjoying your immortal life. 2,000 years, you have nothing to say to me? No apology? Amara: I'm sorry Tessa: What was that? Amara: I'm sorry. That is what you want to hear, isn't it, how I have suffered, how every moment of my life has been a living a hell? It has!My sin was falling in love, and I've learned my lesson. You win. You win. Now please kill me. Please. Please kill me! Tessa: Don't worry.When I make someone else the anchor, I will, and since you're nothing more than a non-supernatural human, you'll pass on while Silas is trapped on the other side, and then you and Silas, you're gonna spend eternity apart... And that is gonna be kind of fantastic for me. Selfishly speaking (Caroline and Katherine arrive) Katherine: The cute one's here (Tessa arrives) Caroline: She's all yours (She leaves) Tessa: Let me guess. You must be... Who now? Katherine: Let's be clear. I don't care about Bonnie Bennett or the other side going away or Elena getting her best friend back Tessa: You want something? I'm shocked Katherine: I had the cure you created running through my veins, and when Silas sucked it out of me, I started aging faster than normal. So basically, I'm dying, and I need you to fix me. You made the cure. Now make something that stops the aging. Otherwise, no blood for you Tessa: Fine. When the ritual's finished and Bonnie is the anchor, we'll find a way to stop you from dying Katherine: Thank you Tessa: Now where's tweedledee and tweedledum? (Katherine, Amara and Elena are in the same room with Tessa. There's a grimoire in front of them) Amara: What is that? Elena: It's Bonnie's grimoire Amara: A grim... what? Katherine: It's a magic spell book. Idiot Tessa: It's a talisman. Since Bonnie can't be here, her grimoire will have to do.Hands in, palms up (She cuts Amara's hand) Tessa: Sorry, love. Did that hurt? Amara: I've been through worse (Then she takes Katherine's hand) Katherine: Easy, ok? I'm fragile these days (Then it's Elena's turn) Katherine: Showoff (Tessa starts casting the spell) Tessa: No Katherine: Is it done? Tessa: No, it's not done Elena: What's happening? Tessa: Silas is happening. Show yourself, b*st*rd! (The power goes off) Katherine: I can't see anything. Can you? (Damon rejoins them) Damon: Electricity's out in the whole house. What happened? Elena: Silas is here Damon: Well, Silas owes me a fuse box. Hang on. I only count two doppelgangers. Where's crazy pants? And where's the other crazy? (Tessa enters the library. Silas is here) Tessa: That was quite the show, Silas Silas: Thank you. You haven't seen the love of my life running around here by any chance, have you? Tessa: Nope. Maybe you shouldn't have turned the lights off, genius Silas: You've had 2,000 years to watch us suffer. You've had your fun. Why can't you just let it go? Tessa: Maybe I'm just not wired that way Silas: Honestly, I feel sorry for you. Hateful vengeance is for people without real love. You spent 2,000 years waiting for me to die just so you could be with me when all along the universe knew I belonged to somebody else. Doesn't that make your whole existence, like, I don't know, a total waste? Tessa: I loved you Silas: Yeah? Well, get in line (His phone rings. He answers) Silas: Sucky timing, Stefan Stefan: I disagree. I have Amara just beyond the property line.You have 10 minutes to come find us Silas: Well, I'm a little busy right now watching my nemesis bite it. Plus I have no interest in saving Amara's life Stefan: I know that, which is why I'm gonna take her away, and I'm gonna keep her alive by any means possible while everyone else hunts you down like an animal. You now have 9 minutes (Caroline rejoins Katherine, who's bleeding) Caroline: Katherine? What are you doing? Katherine: Tessa's stupid nonsurgical incision won't stop bleeding (Caroline bites her wrist) Caroline: Here. Heal. What's wrong? Katherine: Nothing. Just another tragic side effect from taking that cure. Apparently the universe just doesn't want me to heal from vampire blood. Stupid universe. Find me that damn witch so she can finish that spell! (Elena finds Tessa in the library) Elena: No way Tessa: Can't a witch rest in peace? Elena: It's a flesh wound. Get up. You're not done yet [The Woods] (Silas finds Amara, alone) Silas: Amara Amara: I loved you. I still do... But I can't live any longer. Please understand Silas: I understand. I love you Amara: Silas, please. I'm ready (Stefan intervenes and strangles Silas) Stefan: Do you remember me? I remember you. Oh, I'm sorry. Is it hard to breathe? Is your throat closing? Did the fear of dying start to creep in yet? Silas: I hear every emotion is heightened for a vampire. All those memories must be eating you alive right now, Stefan. What's it like to die? I've never done it. You must have done it, what, a thousand times over the summer? Stefan: Stop it Silas: Stop? I spent 2,000 years alone in a tomb. You were locked up for, what, 3 months? Look at you. You're a mess. The safe was the easy part, wasn't it? Being forgotten about, that's the real torture, isn't it? (Stefan stabs him) Amara: Silas! Aah! [Salvatore's House] (Elena is with Tessa. Damon rejoins them) Damon: Stefan and Amara are not inside Elena: That's because Stefan took her. You have to go find him before he gets himself killed Damon: No. He's luring Silas away so he can finish this. It's typical Stefan. He'll be fine Elena: He's hurting. Damon, he's not thinking clearly. Ok. Silas may have been the one that put him in that safe, but we were supposed to get him out of it. Please go find him. We can't lose him again Damon: Ok (Tessa starts casting her spell) [The Woods] (Amara is with Silas) Amara: Our journey starts now (She stabs herself but Damon intervenes) Damon: No! Amara. No. Amara, Amara. Drink this. Drink. More. No, no, no. Ok. No. Hey. Stay with me. Look at me, look at me. Amara, Amara. Hey! Look at me Amara: I've been in hell for 2,000 years Damon: What's another 5 minutes, huh? Amara: Let me die Damon: No! Amara! Come on. Please [Salvatore's House] (Tessa is still casting her spell) (Bonnie rejoins Jeremy) Bonnie: I came to say good-bye Jeremy: What are you talking about? Tessa's doing the spell Bonnie: Amara's dying, Jer Jeremy: No. That's impossible. Damon... Bonnie: Stop. We don't have much time (Tessa casts her spell) [The Woods] Damon: Amara, Amara! Please, Amara! [Salvatore's House] Bonnie: Tell me the third thing Jeremy: Bon Bonnie: Tell me, please Jeremy: I love you Bonnie: I love you, too Jeremy: I'm not ready to let you go (He touches her) Jeremy: I can feel you! Bonnie: I can feel you Elena: Bonnie? Caroline: Please tell me this is real Bonnie: You guys can see me? Jeremy: Bonnie, it worked Bonnie: It worked! Elena: You're here Bonnie: Thank you Caroline: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! And we can be roommates because we have an extra bed, and we can clear out half the closet! Elena/Bonnie: Caroline! Caroline: I can't believe you're really here! Bonnie: I'm here. I'm back (Bonnie is alone. Jeremy rejoins her) Bonnie: I miss this. I miss feeling warm. I never felt warm on the other side Jeremy: I miss this... Holding your hand. I'm never gonna let you go again (Katherine rejoins Tessa in the library) Katherine: Ok. I'm ready. Let's do this Tessa: You. Right. You want me to stop the aging? I'd find a drug store cream Katherine: Hilarious, but see the thing is, I'm not getting any younger, so spell away Tessa: Altering someone's lifespan is what started this whole mess in the first place. I've learned my lesson. I'm not saving your life Katherine: Excuse me? Tessa: I won. Amara's gone, and Silas is waiting for me on the other side Katherine: No. No! Help. Help! Somebody, help her! She's dying! Don't die. I need you Tessa: True love prevails... The universe be damned (Bonnie is alone. Tessa appears) Tessa: You're the anchor now Bonnie: Tessa. Where did you just come from? Tessa: I'm dead. As I pass through you, you'll feel my death.You'll feel every death. Every supernatural being that passes over to the other side will pass through you. Sorry. That's gonna hurt like a bit bitch [The Woods] (Elena rejoins Stefan) Elena: So he's dead? It's over? Stefan: Yeah, it's over Elena: Are you ok? Stefan: I'm fine Elena: Look at me and tell me that killing Silas worked, that you'll be ok now Stefan: Why is this so important to you? Elena: Because I know how much he stole from you Stefan: Yeah, and he's dead Elena: And because while you were suffering in that safe, grasping onto hope, fighting every second so that you wouldn't lose your humanity, I was happy. I got everything that I wanted, Stefan. I got to be in love, I got the summer of my dreams, I got Bonnie back. So I need to know that this worked. I need to know that it's gonna take away all of your suffering. I need to know that you're gonna be ok Stefan: I wanted it to be you. When that safe finally opened and somebody found me, I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be both of you (Damon is here) [Whitmore College] (Katherine rejoins Caroline in the dorm) Caroline: Um...now that Bonnie's back... Katherine: Your room's full. Got it. I'll just get my stuff Caroline: Thank you for what you did today Katherine: Enough. I killed you once, don't forget. We still hate each other, ok? Caroline: Yes, you did, and, yes, we do Katherine: Where the hell is my bag? (Nadia enters) Nadia: Already packed Katherine: You again Nadia: I'm leaving, Katherine. I'm heading back to Prague, and I'd really like it if you came with me. We can go to Bulgaria, retrace our lives Katherine: I don't know what kind of twisted fantasy you have about us, but that's all it is, a fantasy. I would rather rip my own heart out than do more mother-daughter bonding with you, and I'm human now, so it wouldn't really be that easy. I don't want to know you Caroline: Mother-daughter? She's your... Oh. Wow Katherine: I'm doing you a favor, Nadia, ok? I can't be there for you, so take a good look because you are never gonna see me again [The Woods] (Stefan is burying Silas) Stefan: No. no. It's over. It's supposed to be over

Plan: A: Silas; Q: Who does Stefan kill? A: Katherine; Q: Who is dying from having the cure taken from her? A: Bonnie; Q: Who does Qetsiyah make the anchor? A: Amara; Q: Who does Stefan take to lure Silas? A: Qetsiyah; Q: Who does Damon go to for help? A: Amara stabs; Q: Who kills herself? A: Nadia; Q: Who tries to get on with Katherine? Summary: Now that he got his memories back Stefan is on a mission to kill Silas so he could get his revenge. Katherine realizes she is dying from having the cure taken from her. When Bonnie meets Amara, Amara shows that she can both see and touch her which she explains is because she is the anchor to the other side. Damon and Elena realize that the only way they could get Bonnie back is by turning her as the anchor to the other side. That's why Damon goes to Qetsiyah and ask if she can do the spell. Qetsiyah reveals that the only way the spell can be done is by getting Amara with Elena and Katherine together and getting a drop of their blood. Katherine tells Qetsiyah that she will give her blood only if Qetsiyah helps her stop Katherine from aging, which Qetsiyah agrees. When Qetsiyah starts the spell, Silas shows up. Qetsiyah is wounded and Amara is taken by Stefan to lure Silas. Before Silas can kill her, Stefan stops him and kills him. Amara stabs and kills herself. Qetsiyah is able to return Bonnie and make her the anchor and then decides to kill herself. As she passes over to the Other Side, she reveals to Bonnie that by being the anchor, she will feel every death of every supernatural. Meanwhile, Nadia tries to get on with Katherine who doesn't want to have anything to do with her.

"Blind Date" 14th Episode of Roswell Production Code: 1ADA13 [SCENE_BREAK] (Episode opens at the Crashdown where Alex is playing his guitar) Alex: Oh, man, am I gonna kick some ass at these auditions. Liz: Do they sound this good plugged in? Alex: Oh, just you wait, little ladies, until you see my band open up at the, you know, the blind date concert this Friday. Liz: You know, you need a better name. Alex: Oh, come on. What's wrong with "the Whits"? Maria: Just an "s" away from what you really are. Alex: That's funny. Radio: Goin' north on downtown main street, headed with my entourage... Alex: Ooh! Shush. Radio: Toward the winner of the KROZ blind dream date. An evening of fantasy and romance for one lucky listener that ends in the most exciting concert of the year. An intimate club date with a surprise mystery band that'll put this town on the map for more than just the crash. Liz: No, this is so stupid. Like anyone would want to go out with someone a radio station picks out for you. Maria: No, I thought it was romantic. Liz: You would. Radio: Right here at one of our finer local establishments, the Crashdown Cafe! Looking for our new Queen of Hearts, Miss Liz Parker. Maria: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God, you won! Liz: No, I didn't even enter, Maria. Maria: I entered for us. This is so exciting. DJ: Congratulations, Liz Parker, your life is about to change because we're gonna find you that dream man you've been searching for. Hey, what's running through your mind right now, Liz? Liz: Oh, um...heh...yeah...yeah, nothing I can say on live radio. (Opening credits) (At school, Maria is walking through a hallway with Liz, who is dressed as inconspicuously as she possibly can) Liz: Ok, maybe nobody's even heard about it. Maria: I don't know what the problem is. This could be big, Liz. Your dream guy. Tailor made. The human version. Liz: Ok, embarrassing, humiliating, mortifying. I don't know. Choose your SAT word. I'm not forgiving you for a very, very long time. Maria: What is wrong with a normal date with a normal guy for once? Look, it's not like Max has changed his mind or anything. He dumped you. Think about it. That's all I'm saying. Liz: Oh, hey, Alex! Alex: Oh, hey, what's up? Maria: You lost the singer to your band? Liz: What happened to Wendy Lavely? Alex: Uh, she got mono from Peter Gulla. Maria: Ew. She's lucky that's all she got. Alex: Yeah. Oh...oh, we...we...we have to find somebody before these auditions tomorrow, otherwise we're screwed. Maria: Alex, Alex begging is so unbecoming. Alex: What? Maria: I'll do it, I'll do it. Anyway, I'm so much better than that prima donna. So, when should we rehearse? Alex: No, no. We're really looking for somebody. With...with...with professional experience, so... Maria: Excuse me, wednesday nights at the Pizza Pan. Will you tell him? Liz: Oh, yeah. She is so good at karaoke. Alex: But, um, maybe, but we play real music. Maria: Oh. So, I'm not good enough for you, is what... Alex: Oh, no. No, I'm...I'm sure you're very good at the karaoke, but... Maria: Just...not for you? Alex: All right. Just stop by the garage this afternoon, ok? Maria: Great. I'll see you at 4:00 and I'll bring my charts. Alex: Yeah, your charts. Groupie 1: There she is! Groupie 2: This is so incredible! Groupie 3: I can't believe you got picked for the blind date. Kyle: Evans. I know your pain, man. Max: I'm just fine, Kyle. Kyle: I was in denial in the beginning, too. I mean...one minute she's telling me I'm the only one. Next, she's making goo-goo eyes at you. I can't deny it hurt. All break-ups do, huh? Max: We didn't break up, kyle. Kyle: Max, Max, Max, don't...don't lie to yourself like this. Max: We didn't break up because we were never together. Kyle: Whoa, she really did a number on you, didn't she? But I've come to realize that's her pattern. Her M.O. She's a man-eater. And I pity the fool that radio station fixes her up with, because...she's gonna fall in love, and then the hunger begins all over again. See ya. (Maria stops by Alex's garage) Maria: Wow. That wasn't bad! Wow. The tempo kinda lagged there in the end. And I would definitely turn the reverb down on the bass, but...not bad! Chris: Who the hell is she? Alex: Guys, Maria. Maria, the guys. Nicky on lead guitar, Maria: Hi. Alex: Chris on drums, Markos on rhythm. Maria: Here you go. Yeah. These are, uh, my songs. Nicky: Oh, we...we do our own stuff. Maria: Well...I mean, you guys wanna win this thing, right? And who is judging it? A radio station. And what songs do radio stations like, they like the famous songs. You know, the songs they play over and over and over again. Alex: These...these are...these are pop songs. We're...we're sort of an alternative to that. Maria: Well, you're not the alternative they're gonna choose. Markos: We don't even know if you can sing. Maria: Gimme an E-flat. Markos: Whoa. (Michael is discussing Nasedo with Max and Isabel at the Crashdown) Michael: All right, look. We know the cave painting is a map. Max: Michael, we don't know anything. Michael: I feel it, ok? I mean, it was clear in my hallucination. Max: Hallucination would be the key word there. Isabel: Let him talk, Max. What's wrong with you today? Max: Why would you invest yourself in something that you know isn't going to work out? Michael: Don't bring your personal problems into this, Maxwell. It's too important. Max: I'm talking about the search you're on. Trying to find someone who could possibly hurt us if we ever find them. Michael: The 4th alien is not a killer. He's one of us. Max: You heard Hubble tell us about the other victims. About the handprints... Michael: No, I heard a crazy man. Tell him. Tell him we gotta find this guy. (Michael looks at Isabel hoping to get some support from her, but she doesn't say anything) Michael: Fine. Both of you sit here with your cherry colas and your high school fantasies. I'm going to find him. Isabel: You can't treat him that way, Max. Max: What am I supposed to do? Encourage him to track down a murderer? Isabel: We don't know what is and isn't true, yet. Michael needs his hope. It's the only thing that keeps him going. Max: What about you? Isabel: You know, I don't know who I'd be if I had spent the last 50 years on my own. If you were Nasedo, wouldn't you want us to at least hear you out? Max: It's a mistake, Isabel. Isabel: Maybe. You're never gonna convince him of that without some proof. (Isabel leaves) DJ: And now it's time for us to check in with our Valentine's Day dreamgirl. We're comin' to you live from the Crashdown Cafe where it's blind date quiz time with Roswell's most eligible bachelorette, Liz Parker! Maria: Oh, my God, you're on. Ok, hold on a second. Liz: No, no, Maria. Maria: Hmm? Liz: It's radio. Oh, I can't believe I'm doing this. DJ: And may I just say to our listeners, that they are missing a sweet soda shop treat by not being here to see what a knockout you really are, Liz. Even with the antennas. Liz: Thank you. DJ: You mean to tell me you don't already have a boyfriend? Liz: Um...no, not right now. DJ: Well, whoever let you get away is gonna be kickin' himself when you're out with your dream date on Friday night. Now answer some questions for me now, Liz. Do you like blondes or brunettes? Liz: Uh, brunettes. DJ: Ok. Home town boys or out-of-towners? Liz: Well, um...home town boys are ok, but... DJ: I hear the sound of broken hearts all over Roswell. Brainiac or class clown? Liz: Yeah, I'm not into clowns. DJ: Open books or challenges? Liz: Yeah, I guess I'm always up for a challenge. DJ: It sounds like we've gotta find you a serious, dark-haired, mystery man from an exotic place by Friday night! Is Liz Parker's Mr. Right listening out there? (Alex's band is auditioning to the promoters) Alex: So what'd you think? Promoter 2: What was that one called again? Alex: Love Kills. Promoter 1: Wasn't that the first one you played? Alex: No, that was Hurt by Love. Promoter 1: No vocalist, huh? Just you guys? Alex: Well, I mean, we're waiting for her. I mean, she should be here any second now. Why don't we go through another one until she gets here? Promoter 2: Yeah, well, we have 2 other bands to see by 5:00. Maria: I'm here! I'm here! I'm so sorry, Liz was getting interviewed. Oh, my God, you guys waited. Thank you so much. I'm...I'm Maria De Luca. This is my band. Um...ooh, hold on... Promoter 2: I think she's cute. Alex: Well, well look, this is my band, ok? Maria: Look, Alex, all right? It's all...it's all about personality, ok? And, you just...guys just play the music, and I'll take care of the rest, ok? Promoter 1: Ok! We've got time for one more. Maria: Ok. Um...hey, guys...the one we did yesterday, guys? (Maria enters from the backdoor of the Crashdown) Maria: What are we looking at? Liz: Oh, my God, I...I thought you were one of them. Maria: One of who? Liz: The serious, dark-haired mystery men from exotic locations. What am I gonna do? Maria: You're gonna get some...some phone numbers is what you're gonna do, I mean... Liz: Yeah but, Maria, look, this is serious, ok? This contest has completely taken over my life. Maria: Ok, have you thought about Max today? Liz: No, I...I haven't really had any time. Maria: Mission accomplished. And besides, it's gonna be over after the concert tonight, ok? So...let's talk about clothes. I just spent 2 hours and $50 at the thrift shop. What do you think? Liz: No, I thought you already had an outfit. Maria: No, this is for the guys. Liz: I think they like to dress themselves, Maria. Maria: I know, that's the whole problem. They have like no style. Alex: We have very specific style. It's called normal, not thrift shop freak. Your answering machine's fixed. It just needed to be re-set after the 100th call. There are a lot of desperate guys out there. Maria: Alex, look, I really don't want to go on stage with you guys looking high school geeks. Alex: We are high school geeks! And we like it like that. So, please stop trying to take control over it, ok? Maria: Well, mm, you know, if it hadn't been for me, you guys wouldn't have gotten the gig, so... Alex: Ok. Then you wanna know what? We'll just cancel the whole thing. Liz: Ok, you guys, just...time out, all right? I mean, this is like your big break, you know? Opening for Smash Mouth... Maria: Wait, the mystery band is Smash Mouth? Did the radio station tell you that? Liz: No, no. I am so...I'm sorry, I was just guessing. Alex: Cuz i thought it was gonna be Oasis. Maria: Mmm, barenaked ladies. $5.00. Liz: Oh, you guys, the point is here, why don't you guys just, I don't know, like, be yourselves? Alex, do one of Maria's songs, and then, Maria, then you do one of the band's songs. And why don't you 2 just be thankful that you're not me sitting out there, with a blind date while the entire town is, like, staring at us? (Michael knocks on Isabel's window) Isabel: Come in. Michael: Hey. Isabel: What're you doing? Michael: I think I've figured it out. I think I can read the map. Come on, I'll show you. Isabel: But what about the concert? Alex got us tickets. Michael: Well, it's either the concert or discovering where we come from. Isabel: Well, what about Max? Shouldn't we at least... Michael: What about Max? Last I heard, he didn't seem too interested, remember? Isabel: He's just worried, Michael. He's worried about you. Michael: Yeah, look, the only father I need is the one out there waiting for us to find him. Let's go. Radio: That was blink 182 on KROZ. And now, here's a little something to get you thinking those romantic thoughts. Let's dedicate it to Liz Parker, tonight's dream girl. (Liz is dressed up, getting ready for her date, and sees Max standing outside her window) Liz: What are you doing here, Max? Max: I couldn't just let you find another guy. I love you, Liz. I'll always love you. (Max moves to kiss Liz and they share a long kiss, until a car horn breaks up Liz's daydream) Maria: Get your butt down there, girl. True love awaits. DJ: And now the moment we've all been waiting for. Liz Parker meet your dream come true. (Liz's date steps forward through the crowd) DJ: Doug Shellow! Doug's a freshman at the University of New Mexico who studies ancient languages and hopes one day to be an archeologist. A job, Liz, that will take him to exotic locations all over the globe, uncovering mysterious, lost civilizations. And just look at that thick, luxurious head of brown hair. Go ahead, Liz. Come on, Liz, I know you want to! Just run your fingers through it, just once! Come on, he won't bite ya. (Liz runs her hand through Doug's hair) (Max is listening to the radio at home) DJ: Oh, yeah, that's the stuff. And now it's off for a romantic dinner for 2 at Chez Pierre where we leave off and l'amour does the rest. Kyle: Evans! Max Evans! You in there? Max: Kyle? Kyle: Evans, Evans! We're a little drunk. Max: Well then, you better be quiet before the neighbors call the police. Kyle: Boys...you listen to my friend, Max. He knows how to evade the law. Max: What do you want? Kyle: I thought it was time to bury the old hatchet. You know, put the past behind us? Maybe go catch a concert. Max: I'm not interested. Kyle: Oh, come on. You know you want to see this guy just as much as I do. Max: You shouldn't be driving. Kyle: You're right. We're all intoxicated. That's against the law. Guess you're gonna have to do the honors, or we'll have to spend the night right here on your lawn. (Max grabs Kyle's keys grudgingly) [SCENE_BREAK] (Liz and Doug are eating at the restaurant) Doug: My salmon's delicious. How's your filet? Liz: Oh, it's um...really tender. DJ: She says her steak is tender. Liz: Would you mind passing the salt? Doug: Sure. DJ: But apparently not salty enough. Liz: Thank you. Um...you know, maybe we shouldn't talk. Doug: I understand. I'm sorry. I just wanted to have a normal date. Liz: You did? DJ: Uh, they're whispering already. Excellent sign. Doug: The girls in the archaeology department are nice and all, but they're just so...serious. It's like they're on a personal quest to uncover some ancient secret 24 hours a day. Kinda takes over, you know? Liz: Yeah, I...I know. Doug: You're different. I like that. Liz: Thank you. Uh...I was actually hoping...for a normal date, myself. Doug: Well, maybe tonight's the night. (Outside the restaurant, Kyle and Max are observing Liz and Doug's dinner) Kyle: Love is in the air...can you smell it? DJ: I think our new valentines, Liz and Doug, look like they're ready for dessert. Max: You can walk to the club from here. I'll give you your keys in the morning. Kyle: Oh, wait...wait...wait...wait. You can't...you can't leave now. You can't leave now. It's just about to get interesting. DJ: Now usually this doesn't happen till the end of the evening, but how about letting us in on that first kiss, right now? Come on, Doug, just like we practiced. (Doug dips Liz back and gives her a soft kiss, as Max looks on stunned) Doug: Sorry about that. Out the back through the kitchen on 3. They'll never catch us. DJ: Two... DJ: Three. Kyle: Hey! Hey! I've gotta help you out here. Try this. Max: I don't drink. Kyle: Just...just take a sip. Max: I said I don't drink. Kyle: Just one sip. One sip. What's it gonna do? Kill you? No. No, it's gonna calm you down, man. It's gonna, just, you know...take the sting away. Just...try it. Just trust me, nothin' bad's gonna happen. (Max takes a sip and starts to cough. He looks around and everything is blurry to him) Kyle: Do you feel dizzy? Max: My tongue...feels very...heavy. Kyle: You really don't drink, do you? Max: Never... Kyle: You, my friend, are drunk. How much did you chug? Max: This much... Kyle: What a wussie! Max: Did you just call me a wussie? Kyle: I believe I did. Max: Do you see that mailbox? I'll beat you to it. On your mark... Kyle: Mm! Max: Go! Kyle: It's "get..." You said--you skipped "get set!" You b*st*rd! Max, where are you? Evans? Evans! Evans? (Isabel and Michael take Max's jeep and drive to the library) Isabel: I think this is as close as you've ever come to the library, Michael. Michael: That means something, Isabel. It's right here on the map. Look. This is the constellation I saw in my dream. It's Aries, the ram. (Isabel gives Michael a questioning look) Michael: I looked it up. And this is the symbol Nasedo left us at the cave. If you take a map of Roswell and you position it properly when Aries is directly overhead, which is in April by the way, all the rest of these symbols take on locations. And this one's right here at the library. Isabel: How'd you know how to do all that, Michael? Michael: I just knew. Isabel: I don't think we should be doing this. Michael: Isabel, he sent us a signal. We gotta send him one back. This is how we're gonna find him. Isabel: Yeah, but what if he's... Michael: What if he's the killer? There's only one way to find out. (Kyle runs and slowly comes to a stop, still looking around for Max) Kyle: Evans! I know you're somewhere. You weren't that far ahead of me. Here Maxie, Maxie, Maxie! Max: I wanna thank you, Kyle, for giving me a new outlook on things. Kyle: How the hell did you get up there? Max: I used the ladder. Kyle: There is no ladder. Max: Well, yeah, now. Kyle: Whatever. Get down before you break your neck and everybody blames me for getting you trashed. Maybe getting you drunk wasn't such a good idea. Max: No, no, you were right. Kyle: I was? Max: Yeah. All the stuff you said...about me, about Liz. I've been keeping all this stuff inside...not confronting the horrible, ugly truth of it all. I've been hiding for years, Kyle. Years. But it's time the real Max comes out. Kyle: He wouldn't be gay, by any chance, would he? Max: You're funny, kyle. You're really funny. No matter how much of a jackass you're being...you always know how to turn a phrase. Kyle: You think I'm a jackass? Max: Yeah, see? See? Secret-keeper Max would never say that to your face. But the real Max...he'll tell you everything he thinks. No inhibitions. You should try it. Kyle: Ok, so let's be brutally honest with each other here, shall we? You and Liz are in love. Max: No flies on you, Kyle. Kyle: Ok, so then why aren't you together? Max: The problem is that I'm a serious, dark-haired mystery man from an exotic place. Kyle: But that's exactly what she wants. Max: Women. Kyle: Yeah. Go figure. We're a couple of big, fat losers, Evans. Max: Well, that's a little harsh, don't you think? Kyle: Not harsh, but true. I mean, the point is we've let ourselves sink. I mean, look at us. We're beaten. Max: Not unless we give up. Kyle: Well, in case you haven't noticed, we're here in the gutter while she's off smooching with dogboy. Max: We're gonna win her back. Kyle: We are? Max: We're gonna show her how we feel about her and she's gonna forget all about Mr. Shallow and come back to us. Kyle: Shellow. Max: Come on. Kyle: Well, how do we split her up, exactly? Every other week? Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, alternate Saturdays? (Doug and Liz go to the Crashdown) Doug: Ah, I think we're safe for now. This is probably the last place they'd look for us tonight. Liz: Yeah, it's not exactly Chez Pierre. Doug: It's perfect. This is just what I wanted to do tonight. Get to know the real you. I mean, how much more normal can you get? Liz: I, um, I guess that's sort of a contradiction in terms. You know. Being normal in Roswell. Doug: No wonder you entered the contest. I mean, who are you gonna find in a town like this, anyway? An alien? So, what's good here? Besides the waitresses. Liz: Oh, um. You know, I don't...I don't want to miss the concert. My friends are playing, and I'd just really like to go see it. Doug: Yeah, we have an hour before it starts. Besides, I wanted you all to myself. (Alex's band are getting ready) Nicky: The Foo Fighters. That would be awesome. Markos: No, not a chance, man. They're too big for Roswell. Promoter 2: There she is, our future Celine Dion. Maria: I like to think of myself as more of an Alanis, but... Promoter 1: Maria, this is Matt Walden from the record company, he's always scouting fresh talent. Matt: Hey, Maria. I'm really looking forward to seeing your band. Alex: It's my band. Maria: Um, you've come...you've come to see us? Matt: We'll talk after the show. Maria: Ok. Promoter 2: Good luck. (Michael is pouring gasoline on some ropes that are lying on the grass outside the library) Isabel: This is vandalism. Michael: It's not like we can't clean it up. Isabel: Are you sure about this? Michael: More sure than I've ever been about anything in my life. Isabel: I just don't want you to get hurt, Michael. Michael: Isabel, I told you Max is wrong. Nasedo's the only one we have. Isabel: We still have each other, isn't that enough? I'm just...I'm just afraid that you won't find what you're looking for. Or that maybe you will and you won't need Max or me anymore. Michael: That's not possible, ok? (Michael lights the ropes that have been soaked with gasoline and they burn in the shape of one of the symbols from the cave) Max: It's a symbol of my love. This is where I blew it with her...so this is where I'm gonna make things right. Done. Kyle: Nice. Max: Thanks. Kyle: Girls always like that meaningful stuff. I suck at that. So tell me the truth, does it really get you farther? Max: What do you mean? Kyle: You know...farther. All right, listen, I'll tell you if you tell me. How far did you and Liz get? Max: We saw into each other's souls. How about you? Kyle: Second base. Max: Well, we can't win them all. Come on, let's go. Kyle: Wait, wait, wait. We can't leave now. Max: Why not? Kyle: Well, look where we are. Liz's bedroom. It's Mecca. (Doug is chatting with Liz as they eat in the Crashdown) Doug: So, once I got my scores back, I knew i could pretty much apply to any archeology program I wanted. So i chose UNM. How about you? Where are you thinking about going? Liz: Oh, somewhere fast. It's the KROZ van. They found us. Kyle: Top drawer. Always lingerie. Dare I? (Max sees a picture of Liz with Alex and Maria. He uses his power to put his face on Alex's body) Kyle: The secrets of femininity, so close. Who knows what I may discover. (Liz bursts into the room suddenly with Doug behind her) Liz: Kyle, what are you do...Max. Kyle: Now, Liz, before you jump to any conclusion, I think you ought to know that we are really...really drunk. Doug: Who are these guys? Kyle: We're the ex-es. The rejects. Actually, if you must know, we're here to win her back. Liz: Kyle, what did you do to him? Max: Now don't you go and tell her anything I've been talking about tonight. It's private. Kyle: Oh, your secret's safe with me, pal. Liz: Um, look, um, Kyle, anything that Max has told you or anything that you've seen him do tonight, is a lie. Cuz Max, um...he has this problem. He...when he's drunk he sort of has a tendency to make things up. Right, Max? Max: But this is the first time I've ever been drunk. Liz: Would you two just excuse us, please for one second? Doug: No, this is supposed to be... Kyle: This is none of your business, Shallow. And you're looking at 160 pounds of varsity greco-roman wrestler who's gonna keep it that way. Doug: Yeah. Kyle: Ha ha ha ha. No. (Liz and Max go out to the roof) Liz: Ok, Max, look, we've just got to get you somewhere safe until you sober up. Max: I don't think that's gonna happen. Liz: Why not? Max: All I had was one little sip...and it's not wearing off. Liz: Oh. Max: You like it? (Max makes the symbol he drew glow like a neon sign) Kyle: I said sit down, dogboy. Doug: Liz, what's going on out there? Kyle: I can't hold him back much longer. DJ: I knew it, people. Doug's already maneuvered his way into the bedroom with...another guy? This is...this is about the wackiest thing I've seen in a long time. Doug in the bedroom with another guy, while another dark-haired mystery man steals Liz away into the night. Wait a minute, what's this? Ladies and gentlemen, who is M.E., And what has he done with our dream girl? (Maria is taking deep breaths) Alex: What...what's your problem, Maria? Maria: I'm just...I'm just a little nervous. (Nicky is taking deep breaths as well) Alex: Are you nervous, too? Nicky: No. If you do this long enough, it kind of gives you a buzz. (Max and Liz are running down a dark street) Liz: Max! Max, please. We have to stop. Please, we have to stop. Max: Let's just keep running, you and me, away from here, away from everything. I see everything so clearly now. We'll go someplace where no one knows us. As long as we're together, nothing else matters. Liz: You're drunk. Nothing that you're saying is true. Max: It's all true, Liz. It's how I really feel. It's all just magic when I think about you. (Max touches a lamp post and causes the light to shine in a pattern) Liz: Max, turn it off. Anyone can see. Max: And when I'm not with you...I go crazy. (Max touches a car and the car alarm goes off) Liz: Max. Max: When you're here... Liz: Oh, Max. Please. Max: You're my dream girl, Liz. Liz: And what if I believe you tonight? Max: Then we live happily ever after. Liz: And then what about tomorrow...when you go back to realizing who you really are, and all of your fantasies go away. Max: I'll still have you. Liz: This can never be normal, Max. (Max touches the tops of some parking meters, and they start sparkling) Max: What's so great about normal? (At the library, Michael and Isabel aren't successful in getting Nasedo to appear) Isabel: We can't just leave this here. Michael: I know. Can you... (Isabel uses her power to get rid of the symbol burned on the grass) Michael: You think I'm stupid, don't you? Isabel: No. Not stupid. Michael: Just forget it. He's not gonna come. Isabel: Maybe not tonight. Michael: No, not ever. No one ever comes for me. Isabel: I will. Whenever you need me. (Liz is talking on the phone, trying to order a taxi) Liz: Yeah, hi, um, we need a taxi, please. Stay. Max: Staying. Liz: Oh, uh, ok, let me just look. Um, I think...I think it's Citrus, uh... Max: Hey! Here we are! Hey, we need a ride. Over here. (Max flags down the KROZ van) Emcee: Put your hands together for...the Whits! Maria: Uh, go to the feed. Alex: What are you doing?! Maria: I'm hyperventilating. Alex: Wh--wh--you--you got to go back out there. Maria: I can not go back out there. I just saw that crowd and I realized that i have never stood in front of a crowd like that. Let along sung in front of a crowd like that, Alex. Alex: You can do this, ok? Maria: No. Alex: Yes, you can. Maria: Look at this outfit. Who did I think I was in this outfit? Alex: You just need to go back out there and just...just be yourself, ok? Maria: Myself? I'm a waitress. Promoter 2: The band isn't coming. The drummer got arrested for disorderly conduct at the Albuquerque airport. Alex: It's always the drummers, isn't it? Promoter 2: You're the only entertainment we've got. DJ: We're back live on KROZ from the strangest blind date I've ever been on. As I enter the club with Liz Parker, her dream man, Doug Shellow, and not one, but two of her ex-boyfriends. Lyle... Kyle: Kyle. DJ: And Max. Liz: I can't control either one of them. You guys have really got to help me. Please? Max: I think you'd look better as a blonde. Liz: Um...you know I think I just better get him home. DJ: Well, hey, hold on there, dream girl. You're not gonna get off so easy. I mean, look at these guys. You got 'em hanging on by a string, and I think you owe it to them, and the KROZ listeners, to make a choice here and now. Will it be Doug, the dream man we chose for you...the ex-boyfriend, Lyle... Kyle: Kyle. DJ: Or Max, who kidnapped you, and vandalized your home? What do you have to say for yourselves, men? Doug: I thought she just wanted a normal date. DJ: Ok, go for it, Kyle. Kyle: Hey, I'm just happy to be nominated...and I think I'm gonna puke. DJ: All right. Well, convince her, Max. (Max steps towards Liz, puts his arms around her, and gives her a long, passionate kiss. Max and Liz see flashbacks of all the great times they spent with each other) DJ: Well, it looks like we've found our winner. (Max seems a bit dazed, then regains his senses, and realizes where he is and what he just did. He walks off into the crowd) Max: I'm sorry. I...I don't know what I...I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. Maria: We have to do something. (Liz runs after Max) Liz: Wait, Max. Max. Did you really mean everything that you said when we were alone tonight? Max: I don't remember. What did I say? I didn't mean to ruin your night. Liz: You didn't. (Maria starts singing a Phil Collins song - "In the Air Tonight") (Nasedo leaves another "sign" for Max, Michael, and Isabel - he starts a fire shaped in one of the alien symbols and drops a picture of the three of them into it. Scene fades out as he walks away)

Plan: A: Max; Q: Who plays host to actor Jonathan Frakes at the annual UFO Convention? A: the meddlesome couple; Q: Who did Max try to avoid? A: Max's life-saving abilities; Q: What did the couple witness? A: Liz; Q: Who did Max save at the Crashdown Cafe? Summary: Max plays host to actor Jonathan Frakes at the annual UFO Convention while trying to avoid the meddlesome couple who witnessed Max's life-saving abilities on Liz at the Crashdown Cafe.

At Cohen's Seth: Dude, I asked the girl to marry me. Ryan: Yeah, and she said no. It's not like she broke up with you. Seth: That would have been better. Someone says they don't want to marry you, you're supposed to break up. Now we got to keep on dating like everything is normal, when there's this gi-normous... Elephant in the room. Ryan: Yeah, there's an elephant? Seth: Yeah, the "I don't want to marry you" elephant. Ryan: All right, look. There's no elephant, and there's no breakup. At Roberts' Taylor: It's a breakup. How else do you explain, 17 unreturned phone calls? Summer: Seventeen? Taylor: The first 12 were apologies for that stupid lie I told Henri about Ryan. And after that, it was just kind of a blur. Sooner or later, he has to call me back, right? At Cohen's Ryan: I'll call her when I'm ready. Seth: What? Ryan: She lied to me about, her French ex-husband. Seth: And she also apologized. Taylor doesn't respond well to neglect, man. You should call her. Ryan: Yeah? Maybe you should call Summer. At Robert's Taylor: Is that Seth? Summer: Che. I'll call him back. He's flying here. He was feeling weird Seth vibes. Taylor: All the way from Rhode Island? Summer; Che transcends space and time. Ryan? Taylor: No, Henri-Michel. Summer: God, Frenchie's really putting on the full-court press,huh? Taylor: Yeah. Nothing's happened yet, though. I keep telling him I've got a boyfriend. Even though, technically, I guess I don't anymore. Summer: You know, I think Ryan's just waiting for Henri to go back to the motherland. At Cohen's Ryan: She said in her message he's still in town. Until he leaves, we can't have a real conversation. Seth: I don't get it, when is he leaving? At Roberts' Taylor: That's just it, he's not leaving. He's renting a house in Newport, and he asked me to move in with him. Summer: What? You're not considering it, are you? Taylor: It's just that I've been mooching off of you and Julie for months now, and I've lived with Henri-Michel before, and he's really not a bad roommate, you know, aside from his natural odor and... I don't know, maybe I can force myself to fall in love with him. Summer: Why would you want to do that? Taylor: Because I'm going to need some help getting over Ryan. Summer: They're going to call. At Cohen's Ryan: Maybe we should call. At Roberts' Taylor: They're going to call. Right? Generic At Ryan's workplace Summer: Atwood. Ryan: Hey, Roberts. Summer: Hey, look, I'm sorry to bother you at work, but I just really needed to talk to you. Ryan: Oh, no macho nacho supreme? Summer: No. Ryan: Are you sure? It's really good. Summer: How's Seth? See, I kind of turned down his proposal and never heard from him again. Ryan: Proposal? That's the first time I'm hearing about it. Summer: Right. For a week now, Seth has been off the map. You expect me to believe that not once did he mention anything about a proposal going awry? Ryan: Right, well, he had pinkeye. Summer: Pinkeye? Did you have pinkeye, too? Ryan: What? Why? Summer: Well, 'cause Taylor said she didn't hear from you either, and she was asking about you. Ryan: Well, see, that was 'cause I was, I was helping him with his recovery. And waiting for Henri-Michel to leave. Summer: Actually, I don't really mean to be the bearer of bad news, but he's looking for a house to rent in Newport. Ryan: Great. At Roberts' Seth: Summer? Hey, Che, what are you doing here? Che: Tai Chi. The soft and pliable willdestroy, the hard and strong. Seth: I guess I meant what are you doing in Summer's living room? Che: I'm here for you. Seth: Fig? Che: Did you know that figs are nature's biological response modifiers? And since I know that you're ailing spiritually... Seth: What? Che: Come on, man, you can't lie to me. I can see your aura. Besides, Summer told me she rejected your proposal. Seth: Well... Che: When she hadn't heard from you in a while, she got pretty worried. Seth: Yeah. No, that was just my sciatica acting up. Che: Seth, you put something out into the universe, and you didn't get it back. I mean, I really can't imagine what a blow that must have been to your male animus. You've been emasculated. Seth: My masculinity is intact. Che: Look, you and Summer revealed my hypocrisy, man. You saved me, so I hear that you're hurting, I just want to come and try to save you. Seth: Thank you, but, you know, I'm good. I'm very good. Summer: Hey. Seth: Summer. Hi. Summer: Your pinkeye is all clear. Seth: Pinkeye? Summer: Yeah. The reason why I haven't heard from you. I talked to Ryan. Che: It was his sciatica. Seth: Yeah, when it gets in your eye, it goes, it goes pink. I'm great. Summer: You are? Che: Are you? Seth: Yes. Summer: Good. 'Cause I missed you. Tonight, we are going to have a date. Seth: Hey, a date sounds perfect. Summer: A romantic date. Seth: Aren't they all, Summer? Aren't they all? High fives all around. High fives...all around. Seriously, I'm good. eI'll see you tonight for this date. Che: Uh, perhaps I was wrong. Seth is actually stronger than we thought. Summer: I wouldn't leave town just yet. At the restaurant Taylor: There's lots of closet space. Plenty of room for your pants. Each pair could have its own walk-in. Henri-Michel: What is this American obsession with closets? It's a capitalist conspiracy to hide what you own so you will buy more? Or does it have to do with s*x? Taylor: Henri, are you sure you really want to move here? Henri-Michel: I will do whatever it takes to win back your love, Peaches. Taylor: You see, that is very brave of you. You're really putting yourself out there. You're really taking an emotional risk. Unlike some people. Henri-Michel: Still have not heard from Ryan? Taylor: No, and you would think that he would at least have the decency to dump me on the phone. But it's fine, though. I'm fine, because Ryan and I were never really going to work, anyway. He doesn't even like cheese. Henri-Michel: I must admit, I feel for him. I know the excruciating pain of living without you. And a life without cheese, well... Taylor: You know, it's probably good that you came back when you did, before Ryan and I got any more serious. Henri-Michel: I know it is good for me. Je t'aime, Peaches. Taylor: Oh, no, no. Henri, you don't have to say that. Henri-Michel: But I love to say that, because it is the truth. I will say it a thousand times, if you like. Taylor: Wow, That's uh, okay, yeah, say it a thousand times. Henri-Michel: I love you, un. I love you, deux. I love you trois. Harbour Kaitlin: Look, I got my first non-cheating A. Your tutoring is really paying off. Will: Kind of weird, since we barely studied last night. Kaitlin: Yeah, I guess you can learn chemistry from making out. I actually did some studying after you left. I guess your work ethic is kind of contagious. Let's see what else I can catch. Um, why is this girl staring at me? Will: I don't know. Lucy: Hi, Will. Your solo at practice this morning was so amazing. Will: Thanks. Um, Lucy, this is Kaitlin. Kaitlin, this is Lucy. She's in band with me. Kaitlin: No kidding. Lucy: You still in for Friday night? Will: Yeah, sure, I'll be there. Lucy: Great, I can't wait. Kaitlin: What's Friday night? Lucy: We're having a bake sale in the student lounge, to raise money for new uniforms. Will and I are manning the Rice Krispy treats table. See you later, Will. I'm going to go practice my scales. Will: All right. You should come, it'll be fun. Kaitlin: Band geeks and baking goods. Definitely sounds like the feel-good hit of the year. Will: Well, maybe we can do something after. Kaitlin: Well, I do have a Latin test coming up. Maybe you can help me study. Will: All right. Um, well, I guess I'll see you a little later. NewMatch Office Kirsten: New Match. Julie: Hi, Kiki, don't hang up. Kirsten: You turn our businessinto a prostitution ring, and you get hung up on company policy. New Match. Julie: Did you at least get my cookie bouquet? Kirsten: I'm allergic to chocolate. Julie: No, you're not. Kirsten: Then I'm allergic to you. Julie: Just tell me how long you're gonna be mad at me about this. Kirsten: You're kidding, right? Julie: Kirsten, our friendship can't just end like this. There must be something I can do. Kirsten: If you'll excuse me, I have a legitimate business to run and that doesn't involve hookers. At Roberts' Kaitlin: Ryan. Finally. Ryan: Is Taylor in? Kaitlin: You know, she's been asking about you every day this week. Ryan: I'm here now. Kaitlin: She's not. Try the Four Seasons. Ryan: Where her French ex-husband is staying? All right, I guess I can head over there. Kaitlin: So what did you end up getting her? Ryan: Huh? Kaitlin: Don't tell me you came with no gift. Ryan: I don't need a gift. Kaitlin: Ryan, Pep Le Pew is buying her a house. Ryan: She's moving in with him? Kaitlin: You honestly got her nothing? I mean, you couldn't have gone to the Quickie Mart to get her a stuffed animal and some gummy bears? Ryan: Gummy bears. Kaitlin: Talk is cheap, Ryan. If you're going toe-to-toe with this Frenchie, you're going to need to step your game up. Ryan: I can't believe I'm getting advice from a 15-year-old. Kaitlin: A 15-year-old who's right. At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Seth: Okay, so the big date's in your bedroom? Summer: Uh, yeah. Seth: You saved some money on gas. Summer: Ryan lent me some videogames. There's Thai takeout and some of your favorite whiny records. And... I still really love you. But, I hope we get married someday, I'm just not ready now. Seth: Hey, forget the whole thing ever happened. I know I have. Summer: I don't want to forget about it. What you did was amazing. It was so sweet. The words you said and how sincere you were when you said them. And the glow-in-the-dark ring, it was so cute. Seth: Yeah, it's so hot in here. Summer: Yeah, that's a good thing. Seth: No, I, I think the...air conditioning is broken or something, maybe. Summer: It's winter. Seth: I'm going to go get a glass of water. Do you want anything? Summer: No. Seth: No water? Summer: Seth. At Roberts - In the living room Seth: Hey, Che. Che: Seth. Hey. You look... Seth: Not good, I know. So, the thing you said about my animus... Che: I was right, wasn't I? See, 'cause the flesh can lie but the aura never does. It's been eating at you, little buddy, I can tell. Seth: And you can fix me? Che: That's what I do. Tomorow morning, we're gonna let the healing begin. [SCENE_BREAK] Summer: Hey, Seth, it's me. Just calling to see how you're feeling. Hope that crazy 24-hour flu thing cleared up. And, uh... also I don't believe that you have the flu. Okay, bye. Che (Summer is reading the letter): Dear Caterpillar, Last night, Seth came to me for help. I'm taking him to the forest. He needs to pick up the sword and embrace his inner warrior. Only by running with the wolves shall he learn to walk like a man. In the forest Seth: Are you sure I don't need to bring my phone? It's got GPS. What if we get lost? Che: No, you don't need anything. Seth: What about a jacket? What if it's cold? All we need is my harmonica, got it, your broken spirit, and these giant backpacks. I will help your soul mate find himself. But where are you, Summer Bear? Where is the Iron Butterfly who once inspired me so? As we had into the trees, perhaps you need to find your own path. Peace and Love, Che. At Roberts' Summer: Oh, Crap. Motel Henri-Michel: Ryan. Entre. So, you are here to beat me up. I warn you, my family is hemophilic, I will bleed. Ryan: I'm actually looking for Taylor. Kaitlin told me she was hanging out here. But if she's not around... Henri-Michel: I was kidding. You are welcome. Can I get you some coffee? It tastes like urine, but apparently that is how you Americans drink it. You mind me asking when she's gonna be back? Ah, she is shopping for furniture. We move in to our new house on Monday. Ryan: Monday? All right, well, look. If you could just, um, tell her I stopped by. Henri-Michel: Stop. What is that in your hand? Ryan: Uh? It's noth...it's stupid. Henri-Michel: It's not stupid. It's a teddy bear. what is in his mug? Ryan: Gummy bears. Henri-Michel: Ah, how amusing. It is for Taylor? Ryan: Yeah. Henri-Michel: Well, I will deliver it to her. It's a tad juvenile but it is from the heart and that is what matters. Ryan: You know what? No, it's fine. Really, it's from the Quickie Mart and... Henri-Michel: Stop being modest. I'm not afraid of a little competition, Ryan. Ryan: It is more fulfilling if Taylor chooses me in spite of you wanting her back. Henri-Michel: Well, that's comforting. Now, I feel a poem coming. Ryan: All right. NewMatch Office Kirsten: Hello? Spencer: Hey, Kirsten, it's Spencer. Is Julie there? Kirsten: She doesn't work here anymore, Spencer. You should call her at home. Spencer: I can't, I'm in Mexico about to get on a boat. But we have a problem. Kirsten: What problem could we possibly have? Spencer: One of my boys, Chaz, called me last night and, uh, turns out he has chlamydia. Kirsyen: What? Spencer: Yeah, so you're probably gonna want to cal and tell everyone he slept with. Kirsten: I most certainly will not. It's up to you and Julie. Spencer: Hey, I'm out of the country. And, you know, you just told me that Julie doesn't work there anymore, so...good luck ! Julie has the list. Bye. Harbour Girl: Isn't that her? Lucy: Yeah. I've been looking for you. Kaitlin: Oh, hi friend of Will's. Nice hat. Lucy: Listen, skank. Kaitlin: What'd you just call me? Lucy: If you show up at our bake sale, I'll kick your face in. Kaitlin: I'd definitely like to see that happen. Lucy: I happen to be a brown belt in Tae Kwon Do. Kaitlin: And I happen to be going to second with the guy that you like. Go. Now. Before the Munchkins ask for their mayor back. Lucy: If we see your face tomorrow, you will regret it. Kaitlin: What, you going to blow your little trumpet at me until I cry? You know, I was thinking about doing something fun tomorrow night. But now I think I will go to your little geek fest and buy some brownies. Hotel Henri-Michel: Bonjour Pêche. Taylor: I am exhausted. If I have to look at one more mid-Century sofa, I'm going to kill somebody. Henri-Michel: Well, you should have a nap. Perhaps we both should. Taylor: Yeah, it's just, you know, I saw this special on hotel rooms, and they search them with UV lights and, gah, you don't want to know. Henri-Michel: Oh, you Americansand your germs. By the way, Ryan... brought this for you today. He is not a classic romantic to be sure, but, uh, the bear has a sweet smile, hmm? It must make you feel something. Touched? Nostalgic? Taylor: You know what this makes me feel? This makes me feel... nothing. Now tell me again why you love me. Henri-Michel: But then I would have nothing left for my poetry reading tomorrow. At the restaurant Julie: Kiki, you're calling me. Kirsten: I'm delivering a message. Spencer called. It seems that one of your whores, Chaz, has chlamydia. Julie: Chlamydia, ooh, that's rough. Kirsten: Well, all the women that this guy slept with is going to have to be informed. Spencer says you have a list. Julie: Yes, of course. I'll drop it off tomorrow. Kirsten: Drop it off? Julie, I am not doing this. You're going to have to tell them. Julie: Well, Kirsten, I'd love to, but I kind of don't work at New Match anymore. Kirsten: Oh, no, no, no. You are not making this my responsibility. Julie: How about a compromise? Kirsten: I'm listening. Julie: We do it together. Kirsten: I'm not facing those women. Julie: I'll do the talking, you drive. Kirsten: And how come you can't drive? Julie: Oh, I'm sorry, do you want to do the talking? It was our company. You're liable. Kirsten: I'll pick you up in the morning. Julie: I'll find my little black book. At Roberts' Summer: Come on, Taylor, I need you to come over. Because I am making dinner. A gourmet dinner. And I know you, more than anyone appreciate fine food. What am I making? I am making quail and some caviar. Maybe even a soufflé. That is not over my head, okay? For your information, I recently made a brisket and it was delightful. Okay, great, I will see you soon. Bye. Ryan: So she's coming. Summer: Now you're going to tell me why I just had to lie to my friend? Ryan: Uh, because I need to see her. Summer: Because? Ryan: I need to tell her how I feel. Summer: Mm-hmm. Ryan: What? Summer: Nothing. You just don't really strike me as the coffee cart type. Ryan: And what does that mean? Summer: Look, I'm sure you have changed being with Taylor made you more expressive, but articulating your feelings to your girlfriend kind of a challenge. Ryan: Yeah, but if I don't make some sort of declaration... Summer: You might lose her. Okay, you just need to take a deep breath, look inside and say what's from your heart. Ryan: I can do that. Summer: Good. One more thing. Ryan: Yeah? Summer: Taylor has a super big heart, and she's super forgiving, but, uh, there is a French guy circling like a great white shark. Ryan: Okay, you're just reminding me of the stakes. Summer: No. I'm giving you advice because you're my friend and I really want you to work this out. Ryan: All right, I'm listening, I'm listening. Summer: Do not choke. Ryan: Okay, I wasn't going to until you did that. Summer: You kind of have a wide neck. Ryan: Yeah, you got really small hands. Thanks for the advice. Summer: No problem. In the forest Seth: Are we almost there yet? Che: Why is everything a destination? Do the fish care where they swim each day? Seth: Uh, actually, I think they do. You still haven't told me what we're doing here. Che: Seth, relax. Smell the trees. Let the oxygen clean your blood. Seth: Boy, I sure feel better. Can we go back now? We've been hiking for hours. I'm exhausted and I'm starving and my ass is cramping up. Che: Let's get to the top of the hill. We're going to sing a song to the sunset... Seth: And then we can go home? Che: No. I think it's time I told you. Your spirit animal is trapped. Seth: What? Che: See, when a baby is born, an animal spirit enters the child in order to guide and protect him on his journey. Somehow Summer's rejection caused your spirit animal to get sick. In order to contact your animal, you must learn to live like him. To spend the night, in the forest. Ah, we're here, Seth. We've reached the sacred spot. Now, we got to build a sweat lodge. Seth: Che, look at me. We're not staying here. Where's the car? Che: The car is six hours away. I mean, if we could even find it in the dark. We have no choice but to stay here until tomorrow. Go grab some willow branches. I brought hides, buffalo, elk. Willow branches, you know what willow looks like? At Roberts' Taylor: Summer! Summer, where are you? Summer? God, you call someone, the least you can do is show up... Ryan, what are you doing here? Ryan: I had Summer call you.I'm sorry. I wanted to talk to you. Taylor: Well, it worked, weasel. What do you want? Ryan: I wanted to apologize. I made a mistake. Taylor: When? When you abandoned me, on the set of a French talk show? Or when you didn't call me for a week? Ryan: All of the above? Taylor: Well, you hurt me, Ryan. Why couldn't you just have had faith in us? Ryan: I don't know, I guess I thought we were too different. Taylor: Maybe you were right. Ryan: No, I know I wasn't. And I realize now that how we feel is much more important than what we have to talk about. Taylor: And how do you feel? Ryan: I... I... Taylor: That stuffed animal that you bought me is more expressive, Ryan. Henri-Michel is reading a poem that he wrote for me at the bookstore tomorrow night. It's a love poem Ryan, and it's long. In the forest Che: Hey, no snoozing,man. You drift off to dreamland now, this whole thing is for naught. You know, the Australian aboriginals believed... Seth:Shut up, Che. Che: Little cranky today, are we? Seth: I'm deranged. I haven't been to sleep, I haven't eaten. Che: Hey, I got to break you down before we build you back up. Now go gather rocks. At the shopping center Julie: All done. She took it pretty well. Kirsten: Excuse me. Fiona. Fiona: Hi. Kirsten: I'm really sorry to have to tell you this. One of Julie's boys... Fiona: What kind of unclean operation are you people running? You'll be hearing from my lawyer. Kirsten: Look, I understand that you're really upset, but I don't think you want to take this to court. The publicity alone... Fiona: Don't look at me. Just... Oh, my God. Julie: That was brilliant. Kirsten: You had to do one thing. Julie: I choked, I'm sorry. I promise, next person I really will tell. Or we could get our nails done. Oh, okay. At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Taylor: So what do Brutus, Judas, Benedict, Arnold... Julius Rosenberg, Ethel Rosenberg, although that's debatable, and you have in common? Summer: Uh, we all did what we thought was right. Taylor: Eyes rolling. Summer: I'm sorry about yesterday, okay? But Ryan looked like a poor, sad koala bear, and I'm trying to help animals. Taylor: Yeah, why does your room look like a bird cage? Summer: Because I decided its time to get off my butt and do something with my life. I'm going to start a nonprofit. You know, I read that if you can just focus on saving one animal, you can really make an impact. Did you read this article? It's how we're giving elephants post-traumatic stress disorder. Taylor: Those poor elephants. All they want is to be cared for and nurtured and, not left on the set of a European talk show after party by their stupid, stupid... Summer: Ryan? Taylor: Yeah. And speaking of stupid, did you see the totaly Quickie Mart teddy bear that he brought me? Summer: Ryan bought you a stuffed animal? Oh, my God. Look, in all the time I've known him, I've never seen him do anything so sweet. Taylor: Never? Summer: Never. That's probably the nicest gift he's ever given. Taylor: I, uh, I should go. At the beach Sandy: You going for a run? Ryan: Yeah, I'm just trying to clear my head. Sandy: Yeah, I saw that your light was on pretty late last night. Ryan: Yeah. Yeah, I was trying to think of a good gift for Taylor. Sandy: Oh, so what did you come up with? Ryan: You know the Quickie Mart down by the pier? Sandy: Yeah? Ryan: They had a special on a bear with a mug of candy. Sandy: So you didn't quite hit it out of the park, did you? Ryan: I may have done more harm than good. Sandy: You know, it is obvious to almost everyone, that Taylor feels very strongly about you. Ryan: Well, Henri-Michel said he loved her. He wrote her a book and he's performing some poem about it. And then she asked me if I felt the same... Sandy: You couldn't say anything. Between us, how do you feel about her? Ryan: Well, being with Taylor's like being on a roller coaster. Sandy: And that's what, unsettling? Ryan: For a guy who' afraid of heights, it's not exactly the best fit, but, uh... I don't know, it's exciting I guess. Sandy: Tell her that, before it's too late. Tell her that. This is all I know. Ryan: Hmm? Sandy: A situation like this, you could do something, you could do nothing. It's as simple as that. Ryan: All right. Sandy: Do something. Ryan: Yeah, see you around. Sandy: A mug! Motel Henri-Michel: Hi, you're home. What are you doing with the refuse? Taylor: I was making sure that the maid service here is efficient. Henri-Michel: Or looking for Ryan's mug of stale candy and bear that holds a balloon? Taylor: Well, the guy did get me a gift and, the balloon was really shiny. Henri-Michel: Peaches, there is no shame in wanting to keep a gift that was bought for you by a lover. Taylor: Really? Henri-Michel: It makes one feel special to know that they were adored. Taylor: Well, I don't know if I would use the word adored exactly. Henri-Michel: But the problem lies in whether you are wanting a memento, or wanting Ryan. Taylor: I want to be with somebody who really wants to be with me, and who's not afraid to say it. Henri-Michel: Well, in that case, you better tape your socks down, because poem is going to knock them right off. I must dress. Taylor: Okay. In the forest Che: Yeah, the rocks are hot. So now we got to get them all moist and sweaty. Seth: Then we can sleep? Che: As soon as you shovel these rocks into the tent. Unless you're too weak from hunger. Seth: No, I um, actually, I found some berries down below. They were pretty tasty, so... Che: You ate the berriebe Seth: Yeah, why? Is there a problem? Che: No, dude, it's no problem. Not yet. This is all I could use at the time. I didn't have anything else. Harbour Kaitlin: He guys. Will: Oh, Kaitlin, glad you made it. Lucy: Will was just telling me a story about how he lost his drumsticks. But luckily he hy Chinese that night so he used his chopsticks. Kaitlin: Okay, well, that's definitely a knee-slapper. Will, do you mind getting me a soda? Will: Sure. You want to come? Kaitlin: Hum, actually, I'm going to stay here and talk to Lucy. Will: All right. Kaitlin: Just sur you have it clear, the only reason that I'm here is because I know you don't want me to be. So get ready to have some fun. Lucy: Oh, I'm having fun. Lots of fun. Girl: You're in our world now. Other girl: And girls like you, aren't welcome here. Kaitlin: Girls like me. What, girls who don't like wearing polyester pantsuits or baking pies earing lame feathered hats? Will: Everything okay? Lucy: Not really. Kaitlin just insulted our uniforms and called our hates lame. Will: Actually, they kind of are. Lucy: I have to go to the bathroom. In the forest Che: How are you feeling, friend? Seth: Like I'm sharing a sauna with Blue Man Group. Che: Go with it. You're it'e spirit world, man. This is the very last part of your journey. Seth: Ryan likes Journey ! Che: So of eye, light of touch, speak little... Seth's dream Seth: Dad? Mom? Che ? Che? I'm scared. Oh, I guess that's the idea. Is that you making all that noise? I can hear you. What's that, little fella? You don't feel well? That's okay, I can take care of you. I don't exactly know what that means, but maybe, maybe I can get you back in the ocean. With all your otter friends. And you can do otter-related activities. Don't worry. I'm here. It's going to be okay. In the forest Seth: Oh, Che. Che, wake up. I had the greatest dream. Che: Me, too, man. Seth: And I just healed my animal spirit. I've got to get back home to Summer. Che: Mazel tov, brother, what an amazing accomplishment. Well, tell me about your spirit animal. Seth: Oh, it was so cute, man. It was a... It was this otter, and it was lost. Che: An otter? Seth: Yeah, why is that okay? Che: Yes. Seth: Is that bad? Che: No, I mean, it's amazing. Seth: Good. Great, ok, 'cause I thought like, it would suck if it wasn't. But we should get out of here. At the comics bookstore Henri-Michel: The tree from whence she fell is blessed. He held her for the world to see, but now to my deep distress, my little pêche... is holding me. Woman: I would give anything, anything, for a man to write a poem like that for me. Other woman: That was simply... Um, if you'd care to stay and, who wouldn't, the author will be signing copies of his book, A Season For peaches. Ryan: Wait. Taylor: Ryan, what are you doing? Ryan: I have a poem too. [SCENE_BREAK] Woman: Young man, this is not karaoke. You don't get a turn. Get down from there before I call security. Henri-Michel: Let's hear what the boy has to say. We should not deny him the opportunity to bear his soul in front of all these people. Ryan: Thank you. A sonnet... I don't know how to write. A haiku, Five, seven, five... seems... too tight. I'm sorry, I think this is a bad idea. Taylor: Then there are three little words I'm not able to say. But Taylor, this is what I can tell you today. Though I can't say those words to you tonight, please stick with me, 'cause I feel someday I might. Woman: That's not too bad. Now, uh, Monsieur de Momourant will be signing copies in the, um, um... Monsieur? Monsieur? Ryan: Look, uh, Taylor, I know that my poem might not be quite as good as Henri-Michel's, but I wanted you to know how I feel. Taylor: No, Ryan, I loved it. I really... Woman: Where is he? He was just here. Taylor: I'm sorry. Yatch club Julie: We had a good day. Three out of five women now know they've been exposed to a sexually-transmitted disease, we should be proud. Kirsten: No, You're on your own for the next two. Julie: Okay, I understand. Kirsten: Aren't you supposed to be in Mexico? Spencer: Julie made me do it. Kirsten: So you mean... Spencer: Yeah, so no one has... You know. Kirsten: What?! Spencer: Yeah. I'm going to go. Julie: Kirsten, I'm sorry. It was the only way I could think to get you to spend the day with me. Kirsten: So you told all those women they have chlamydia when they don't? Julie: They might. They did have s*x with male hookers. Plus, I picked the five meanest women in Newport. Kirsten: What is wrong with you? Julie: I was desperate. I missed you. I hate not having you in my life, Kirsten. I can live without you as my business partner, but not without you as my friend. Kirsten: You are going to call all those women tomorrow, and you are going to tell them the truth. Julie: Okay, but not Linda. Please let Linda think she has an STD. That is not only unethical, it is just plain mean. Kirsten: I disagree. Julie: Do you want to debate about it over dinner? You know you miss me. Come on, say yes. Kirsten? Harbour Kaitlin: You know, you've been in here for so long I was afraid you got flushed down. Lucy: Go away. Kaitlin: Hi. Lucy: Go away. I hate you. Kaitlin: Look, I'm sorry that Will doesn't like you back, but I didn't do anything. Lucy: I have loved Will since the day he transferred here. I lent him a pen. And he is the most wonderful, sensitive, sweet... And you don't even appreciate him. Kaitlin: Yes, I do. I mean, he's smart and he's hot and he's an excellent kisser. Lucy: Then why do you make fun of the things that make Will, Will His band uniform and his love of marching and baking and his friends? Kaitlin: Because that's just what I do. I mean, I make fun of everyone, usually 'cause I'm high. Lucy: You make him not want to be himself. Kaitlin: You don't know what you're talking about. Lucy: Oh, that's the best you can do? You know I'm right. Kaitlin: Shut up, okay? Just shut up. Motel Taylor: Henri? Henri?I love you, but I love love more. And I don't want to be alone in it. Au revoir, Peaches. At Cohen's Sandy: Hey, I've been worried about you. You okay? Kirsten: Oh, I'm okay. It's a long story. Sandy: Well,I can't wait to hear it. When are you coming home? Kirsten: Soon. I'm having dinner with Julie. Sandy: Julie? Kirsten: Yeah. She is the most manipulative, scheming partner in the world, and it was stupid ever to get into business with her, and I'll never make that mistake again. Sandy: But she's the best friend you got. Kirsten: Something like that. At the beach Will: I was thinking maybe tomorrow we could do something you might want to do. Kaitlin: Well, I thought tomorrow was night two of your dorked-out bake sale. Will: I mean, it is but, they can hold it down. I mean, I'd rather spend time with you. Kaitlin: But I thought it was important to you. Will: If you want me to do it, I'll do it. I'll go. I can go. Kaitlin: I just thought, you know that, they wouldn't know what to do without you. Since you're the king of dorks and all. Will: Excuse me? Kaitlin: Well, after observing you in your natural environment, it was just clear, we're not a good fit. We're like oil and that, other thing. Will: But I thought you liked that. Kaitlin: You know who else is a dork, is that Lucy chick. I mean, she's got a pretty hot bod for a dork. I mean, if I was a dork like you, I'd totally go for her. Will: Real nice. You know what, I think you're right. Kaitlin: Good, 'cause I think Brad and Eric are down there, probably night surfing or something. So I'll see you around. Will: Nah. At Roberts' - In the kitchen Julie: Che, what are you still doing here? Che: I had a dream. In my dream, my spirit animal was a frog and I was in a stream. I had the most magical day. Julie: Oh, God, we've got to change the locks. At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Summer: Whoa, hi. Seth: I healed my spirit animal and I'm ready to love again. Summer: Did you say spirit animal? Seth: Yeah, and it was lost, but through my connection to the ancient rituals of the Earth, I was able to save my inner otter. At Roberts' - In the kitchen Che: I swam and I splashed. And for the first time, I felt whole. I had found my other half. And it was an otter. At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Summer: Otters are so cute. Oh, my gosh, their whiskers and how they use their belly to crack open their abalone dinner. I am going to start a foundation to save the sea otters. Do you know there are less than 3,000 left, in California? Seth: No, that's really sad. At Roberts' - In the kitchen Julie: You found lovewith an otter? I'm happy for you. Che: I know it sounds crazy, but dreams don't lie. Now I just have to explain it to the otter. At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Seth: Summer. Summer: What? Seth: Do you think the otters could wait till tomorrow? Summer: No. At Cohen's Taylor: Henri-Michel's gone. Ryan: He's gone? Gone where? Taylor: Back to France, I guess. Ryan: Why? Uh, I think he understood even better than I did that as much as he loved me, I didn't love him, and I probably never will. Rtan: Does that mean...? Taylor: When Henri-Michel would tell me he loved me, it was like the whole world melted away. Those words just have more power over me than anything. It's scary how much I want, how much I need, to hear them. Ryan: Well, if that's, important to you... Taylor: I would never ask you to be able to say that yet. And even if you could, I don't think I'm ready to hear it. Ryan: So what are you saying? Taylor: Until I can be stronger, on my own, I don't think that I should be with anyone, including you. I'm sorry. Ryan: Okay. Actually, that makes sense. Taylor: But I'm going to treasure this poem forever. Ryan: I meant it. Just so you know. Taylor: I do. Bye, Ryan. End of the episode.

Plan: A: his indecision; Q: What does Ryan overcome? A: Henri-Michel; Q: Who competes with Ryan for Taylor's affections? A: Che; Q: Who leads Seth on a trek of spiritual renewal? Summary: Take her, I want her. Ryan overcomes his indecision and competes with Henri-Michel for Taylor's affections. Che leads Seth on a trek of spiritual renewal. Embrace your inner otter, Seth!

REMEMBRANCE OF THE DALEKS PART FOUR Run time: 24:36 [SCENE_BREAK] School science lab [SCENE_BREAK] Rachel: Doctor, we've had a report of a radar contact. The Doctor: On a re-entry curve from low orbit? Rachel: Yes. The Doctor: That'll be the Imperial Dalek shuttlecraft. Gilmore: What? They're not landing a spaceship here. The Doctor: Here? No. We're much too far from the main action. Rachel: You're sure? Ace: Cor! The Doctor: Ace, get away from the window! Down! [SCENE_BREAK] School playground [SCENE_BREAK] Dalek: Advance. We must capture the Hand of Omega from renegade Dalek faction. Proceed to area two five zero six immediately. [SCENE_BREAK] School science lab [SCENE_BREAK] Gilmore: Right, out of here. Everybody downstairs. Gilmore: Is that the mothership? The Doctor: No, that's a shuttle. The mothership's much larger. Are you willing to cooperate with me now? Gilmore: Do I have a choice? The Doctor: Well, you could go down there and make a gloriously futile gesture, yes. Gilmore: What do we do? The Doctor: A little bit of piracy. [SCENE_BREAK] School corridor [SCENE_BREAK] Mike: Ace. Ace: Go away. Mike: Ace, I didn't know it was the Daleks. I was just doing Mister Ratcliffe a favour. Ace: Do me a favour and drown yourself. Mike: I thought it was the right thing. Mister Ratcliffe had such great plans. Ace, I never really wanted to hurt anybody. It's just you have to protect your own, keep the outsiders out just that your own people can have a fair chance. Ace: I said shut up! You've betrayed the Doctor, you betrayed me. I trusted you. I even liked you, and all you... Gilmore: Sergeant Smith. Mike: Sir. Gilmore: Attention! I'm placing you under close arrest under suspicion of offences contrary to the Official Secrets Act. Mike: Yes, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] Street [SCENE_BREAK] Dalek: Scout seven reporting area two five zero nine clear. Dalek: Retreat! Squad Delta under attack from renegade Daleks. Retreat! [SCENE_BREAK] Mothership [SCENE_BREAK] Dalek: Mothership bridge to shuttle force controller. Receiving your signal. Emperor: We must recover the Hand of Omega without delay. Dalek: Shuttle force has encountered heavy resistance from renegade Daleks. Emperor: Order Special Weapons Dalek into position. [SCENE_BREAK] School science lab [SCENE_BREAK] Allison: Why are we doing this? The Doctor: Elementary piracy, my dear Allison. Dalek shuttles have massive ground defences and an unguarded service hatch on top. Now once I'm down there, I'll attempt to open that hatch. Ace, you come after, then Gilmore, followed by Allison and Rachel. Any questions? No? Good. [SCENE_BREAK] Imperial shuttlecraft [SCENE_BREAK] Dalek: Emergency! Emergency! Unable to disengage from control position. Dalek: Humans on the bridge. The Doctor: I'm not human. Dalek: You are the Doctor. The Doctor: Yes. Dalek: You are the enemy of the Daleks. The Doctor: Correct. Dalek: You must be exterminat... The Doctor: Goodbye. The Doctor: You can come down now! [SCENE_BREAK] School cellar [SCENE_BREAK] Corporal: Tea? Mike: Yeah. Corporal: Come on, Sarge. [SCENE_BREAK] Imperial shuttlecraft [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: What did you do to it? The Doctor: I shorted it out. Daleks are such boring conversationalists. Rachel: It's very functional. The Doctor: Yes, they're not known for their aesthetic sense. Let's see what they were up to. The Doctor: Ah, the planet Skaro. So, the Daleks are returning to their ancestral seat. I think we've seen enough. Time to leave. Er, get off the grill. The Doctor: We'll go back through the playground. Allison: What about the massive ground defences? The Doctor: Oh, I've turned those off. Come on, jump. [SCENE_BREAK] Ratcliffe's yard [SCENE_BREAK] Dalek: Exterminate. Dalek 2: Exterminate. Mike: No, no, don't. Look, I have a message for Ratcliffe. Understand? A message for Mister Ratcliffe. Dalek: You are my prisoner. You will obey all instructions or you will be exterminated. Mike: You said it, mate. [SCENE_BREAK] School yard [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: I rigged the communications relay to the shuttle control system. We can monitor the Daleks on the transmat in the cellar. Ace: You can't do that. You mashed up the transmat, remember? The Doctor: I can do anything I like! [SCENE_BREAK] Ratcliffe's office [SCENE_BREAK] Black: Kneel! Girl: Repairs on time controller almost complete. Black: Good. Ratcliffe: (quietly) Without that thing, they're stuck here. Someone in possession of that would have something to bargain with. Mike: For what, our lives? Ratcliffe: Nothing so mundane. If we get that, we can demand anything. Mike: You never give up, do you. [SCENE_BREAK] School corridor [SCENE_BREAK] Allison: What happened? Corporal: Sergeant Smith. Rachel: Is he all right? Allison: I've no idea, I'm a physicist. The Doctor: He'll be fine. Rachel and Allison, I need your help. Rachel: Sorry? Allison: He said he needed our help. Rachel: That's what I thought he said. Get your hands off his scalp and come on. Gilmore: You all right, Corporal? Corporal: Sir. Gilmore: Come with me. We'll search the building. [SCENE_BREAK] Ratcliffe's yard [SCENE_BREAK] Girl: Time controller repaired and ready. Girl: Departure imminent. Black: Destroy human captives. Mike: No! Ratcliffe: No! Ratcliffe: Now! Run! Black: Recover the time controller. [SCENE_BREAK] School cellar [SCENE_BREAK] Rachel: When he said he needed our help, I had hoped it meant more in a technical area. Allison: It was a vain hope. The Doctor: Ah, you brought it then. Put it down there. Rachel: Now, Doctor, will you please answer one question? The Doctor: Yes? Rachel: Why are two Dalek factions fighting each other. The Doctor: Ace. Ace: It's simple, isn't it. Renegade Daleks are blobs. The Doctor: Blobs? Ace: Imperial Daleks are bionic blobs with bits added. You can tell that Daleks are into racial purity. So, one lot of Daleks reckon the other lot of blobs are too different. They're mutants. Not pure in their blobbiness. The Doctor: Result? Ace: They hate each other's chromosomes. War to the death. The Doctor: Well, er, Ace, let's go and see which blobs are winning. Allison: Doctor, how do you do that? The Doctor: Do what? Allison: How do you just rewire a piece of alien machinery? The Doctor: It's easy when you have nine hundred years experience. [SCENE_BREAK] Mothership [SCENE_BREAK] Dalek: Force leader has recovered the Hand of Omega. Emperor: Excellent. Order all forces to make immediate withdrawal. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside Ratcliffe's yard [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: It's Mike. The Doctor: He's got the time controller. Typical human. You can always count on them to mess things up. Get after him. Stay with him. See where he's going. Ace: Right. The Doctor: Oh, Ace. Ace: What? The Doctor: No heroics. I've got enough problems already. Ace: Trust me. [SCENE_BREAK] Mothership [SCENE_BREAK] Emperor: Prepare to place the Hand of Omega into the control circuit. Dalek: I obey. [SCENE_BREAK] School cellar [SCENE_BREAK] Allison: What are you going to do after all this is over? Rachel: Retire to Cambridge and write my memoirs. Gilmore (O.C.): Professor! Rachel: Subject to security vetting, of course. Gilmore: The shuttle seems to be leaving. Allison: Good riddance to bad rubbish. [SCENE_BREAK] Street [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: Oh, wicked. [SCENE_BREAK] School cellar [SCENE_BREAK] Gilmore: Well, Doctor, are we out of the woods? The Doctor: Provided everything goes according to my plan. Rachel: Plan? Allison: I, er, I don't suppose you could let us know what your plan is? The Doctor: It's a surprise. Rachel: Good. I love surprises. [SCENE_BREAK] Mothership [SCENE_BREAK] Dalek: Prepare for shuttle docking. Emperor: Lock the Hand of Omega into the control circuit. Dalek: Omega device is now locked in and running. [SCENE_BREAK] School cellar [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: How do I look? Don't answer. Do you mind? You're in my shot. The Doctor: Hello, hello, hello? Dalek mothership, come in please. Come in, please. The Doctor: Ah, there you are. This is the Doctor, President Elect of the High Council of Time Lords, Keeper of the legacy of Rassilon, Defender of the Laws of Time, Protector of Gallifrey. I call upon you to surrender the Hand of Omega and return to your customary time and place. [SCENE_BREAK] Mothership [SCENE_BREAK] Emperor: Ah, Doctor. You have changed again. Your appearance is as inconstant as your intelligence. You have confounded me for the last time! The Doctor (on screen): Davros. I should have known. I see you've discarded the last vestige of your human form. Still no improvement. Davros: Save your insults for the weak-minded, Doctor. The Doctor (on screen): Will you return the Hand of Omega or not? Davros: Are you threatening me? If so, it is most unwise. The Doctor (on screen): Every time our paths have crossed, I have defeated you. Davros: You flatter yourself, Doctor. In the end, you are merely another Time Lord. [SCENE_BREAK] School cellar [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Oh, Davros, I am far more than just another Time Lord. [SCENE_BREAK] Boarding house - front room [SCENE_BREAK] Mike: Hello, Ace. Ace: Would you really shoot me? Mike: If I had to. Ace: You might have to. [SCENE_BREAK] Mothership [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor (on screen): Davros, the Hand of Omega is not to be trifled with. Davros: I think I am quite capable of handling the technology. The Doctor (on screen): I sincerely doubt that. Davros: Does it worry you, Doctor, that with it I will transform Skaro's sun into a source of unimaginable power? And with that power at my disposal, the Daleks shall sweep away Gallifrey and its impotent quorum of Time Lords! [SCENE_BREAK] School cellar [SCENE_BREAK] Davros (on screen): The Daleks shall become Lords of Time! We shall become all... The Doctor: Powerful. Crush the lesser races. Conquer the galaxy. Unimaginable power. Unlimited rice pudding, et cetera, et cetera. Davros (on screen): Do not anger me, Doctor. I can destroy you and this miserable, insignificant planet. The Doctor: Oh, wonderful. What power, what brilliance. You can wipe out the odd civilisation, enslave the occasional culture, but it still won't detract from the basic fundamental truth of your own impotence! Rachel: Careful, Doctor. The Doctor: Don't worry, I know what I'm doing. [SCENE_BREAK] Mothership [SCENE_BREAK] Davros: I will teach you the folly of your words, Doctor. I will destroy you and demonstrate the power of the Daleks! The Doctor (on screen): Davros, I beg of you, don't use the Hand. Davros: Ah, Doctor, now you begin to fear. The Doctor (on screen): You're making a grave mistake. Davros: Activate the Omega device! Dalek: Omega device activated. Dalek 2: Plotting course to home planet Skaro. Davros: Now the Daleks shall become the Lords of Time! Dalek 2: Entering Skaro time zone. First stage expansion. Primary neutrino release. Dalek: Core collapse instigated. Dalek 2: Danger! Instability! Reaction out of control. Davros: No, this cannot be correct! Dalek: Home planet Skaro about to vapourise. Davros: You have tricked me! The Doctor (on screen): No, Davros. You tricked yourself. Dalek 2: Omega device returning. Dalek: Impact minus twenty five. The Doctor (on screen): Do you think I would let you have control of the Hand of Omega? Davros: Do not do this, I beg of you. The Doctor (on screen): Nothing can stop it now. Davros: Have pity on me. The Doctor (on screen): I have pity for you. Dalek: Fifteen. The Doctor (on screen): Goodbye, Davros. It hasn't been pleasant. Dalek: Emperor abandoning bridge. Dalek 2: Eight, seven... Dalek: Emperor activating escape pod. Dalek 2: Four, three... Dalek: Escape pod leaving mothership. Dalek 2: Two, one. [SCENE_BREAK] School cellar [SCENE_BREAK] Rachel: What happened? The Doctor: I programmed the Hand of Omega to fly into Skaro's sun and turn it supernova. Gilmore: Super what? Allison: He blew it up. The Doctor: The resulting explosion destroyed Skaro, and the feedback destroyed the mothership. The Hand of Omega is now returning to Gallifrey. [SCENE_BREAK] Boarding house - front room [SCENE_BREAK] Mike: You stay there. Ace: It might be the Doctor. Put the gun down, Mike. It's too late for that. Come on, Mike, who are you going to shoot with it, anyway? Mike: Just stay there. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside Ratcliffe's yard [SCENE_BREAK] Gilmore: This is the last Dalek left. I'll call for reinforcements. The Doctor: Not this time. I started this. The Doctor: Dalek, you have been defeated. Surrender. You have failed. Black: Insufficient data. The Doctor: Your forces are destroyed. Your home planet a burnt cinder circling a dead sun. Black: There is no data. The Doctor: Even Davros, your creator, is dead. The Doctor: You have no superiors, no inferiors, no reinforcement, no hope, no rescue. Black: You are lying. There is insufficient data. The Doctor: You're trapped a trillion miles and a thousand years from a disintegrated home. Black: Out of control! The Doctor: I have defeated you. You no longer serve any purpose. Black: Cannot compute. Unstable. Black: Unstable. [SCENE_BREAK] Boarding house - front room [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: It's all right. Don't worry. It's all over now. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside Ratcliffe's yard [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. [SCENE_BREAK] Cemetery [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Time to leave. Ace: Yes. Doctor? The Doctor: Yes? Ace: We did good, didn't we? The Doctor: Perhaps. Time will tell. It always does.

Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who has his final encounter with the Daleks? A: The Hand of Omega'; Q: What is the name of the device that the Doctor uses to destroy Skaro? Summary: The Doctor has his final encounter with the Daleks involving 'The Hand of Omega'.

[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - EVENING] (A dark colored large bird flies across the bottom of the screen.) [EXT. LAS VEGAS DESERT (STOCK) - EVENING] (The shadow of the large bird travels along the rocks below. The bird caws.) [EXT. LAS VEGAS MOUNTAINS (STOCK) - EVENING] (Camera travels birds-eye above the mountains.) [EXT. FLOYD LAMB STATE PARK -- GROUND -- EVENING] (A frog sits and croaks under the fallen leaves. A man walks across the screen disturbing the leaves and making the frog jump aside.) (Cut to: A group of three men walk along the path.) (Cut to: The bird flies overhead.) (Cut to: The men continue to walk along the path.) (Cut to: The bird flies down low along the path and settles on a nest in a tree.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FLOYD LAMB STATE PARK - EVENING -- CONTINUOUS] (The men approach the bird and quietly. They stop.) Lead Man 1: I don't think I can get a clear shot. (Each of the three men pick up their cameras to take pictures.) Man 2 (on right): It's a peregrine falcon. Man 3 (on left): No, it's not. It's a hawk. Lead Man 1: You can't see anything this time of day. We should come back at dawn. Man 2 (on right): But I'm so behind on my life list. I still don't have a western wood-pewee or a solitary sandpiper. Lead Man: What, do you think they're going to kick you out of the club? Man 2 (on right): John saw a dickcissel earlier today. It could be gone tomorrow. Lead Man: John's full of ... (The bird caws. The men stop to look through their cameras.) Lead Man: Corvus corax. Man 2 (on right): A common raven? So what? CAMERA VIEW: (The camera focuses and refocuses on the bird. They see that in the bird's mouth, it's carrying an eye.) (The men put their cameras down.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FLOYD LAMB STATE PARK -- NIGHT] (Camera cuts to: A close up of GRISSOM'S eye. The camera pulls back. He stares at the eye in his hand.) Grissom: Well, someone's missing a contact lens. (GRISSOM and CATHERINE stand on ladders peering into the bird's nest.) Catherine: That's not all they're missing. Grissom: You know, ravens, like eagles, have been known to travel 30 miles from roost to feeding ground. Catherine: 30 miles in every direction. Pi-r-squared. That means that we're looking at a ... 2,800 mile search area. Grissom: "Once upon a midnight dreary while I pondered weak and weary over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore." Catherine: We're up a tree and you're quoting Poe. Give me something. Grissom: "Quoth the raven, 'only this ... and nothing more.'" HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (GRISSOM puts the eye in a dish and takes a couple of photos of it.) (Quick flashback to: The raven, caws, picks the eye up off of the ground and flies off. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (GRISSOM picks up the eye and drops liquid on it. He removes the contact lens.) (He uncaps a syringe and extracts the liquid from the eye and puts it in a tube.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (CATHERINE examines the contents of the bird's nest.) (She picks up a baby toy from inside. She looks at it and smiles. She puts it aside.) (GRISSOM walks into the room.) Grissom: You'll be pleased to know the eyeball was only slightly desiccated. Catherine: And what about the iris? Grissom: Still blue. Catherine: Color distinction means the body's been dead less than 48 hours. Grissom: Yeah, I sent some vitreous fluid to tox. The rest to DNA. So ... Can you get me an eye for an eye? Catherine: Well, I've got foil ... a leaf ... a feather and plastic. (GRISSOM picks up the feather and looks at it.) Grissom: Feathers. For warmth. Catherine: Seagull feathers. Grissom: Well, the only place we'd have seagulls around here would be Lake Mead. Catherine: But only when the fishing's good. And we got some ground limestone. Grissom: Not found at Lake Mead. (pause) You know, ravens are incredibly intelligent. They have a brain capacity comparable to dolphins. Catherine: Means they know where to shop. (CATHERINE looks over at the map on the table.) Catherine: We found the eye here. I bet she shopped here where limestone is used as ground cover. [SCENE_BREAK] (A very pretty kaleidoscope of bird flying in the sky.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. PENDALE LAND FILL -- DAY] (SARA, NICK and CATHERINE walk toward the cell of garbage that they're going to sift through. CATHERINE'S holding the file open.) Sara: You know the average Nevadan generates more waste more than three times waste than the average American? Nick: Yeah, well, that's tourist trash. Sara: Thirteen million pounds per day. I went to the recycling forum in march. Catherine: The landfill manager says this is the active cell. Spotter says cell lift moves forward 20 feet a day. That puts the active cell right ... pretty much in front of us. Nick: Man! You find the best evidence in the nastiest places. Catherine: You are what you throw away. Sara: It's like peeling an onion into peoples' lives. Catherine: Well, this onion is our time line so peel back accordingly. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (ROBBINS stands in front of the display of x-rays on the viewer. GRISSOM stands nearby with the file folder in his hands.) Robbins: The electrolyte and glucose levels in the eye were normal. Means your victim wasn't dehydrated or diabetic. Other than that ... Grissom: ... we're flying blind. (They turn around and head back to the table.) Grissom: David. David Phillips: Grissom. (GRISSOM stops and looks at DAVID PHILLIPS.) Grissom: A 35-year-old male. Car salesman. Dropped dead at work. Apparent heart attack. Not under the care of a physician. Uh, no history of high blood pressure. Just routine autopsy. Grissom: Go for it. (GRISSOM heads out the front door. DAVID pulls back the sheet.) David Phillips: Yeah, we're all set, Dr. Robbins. Robbins: Okay, David. (to recorder) Case 03-615. Postmortem exam of an adult. Caucasian. Male. Identified as Fred Stearns. Body received warm to the touch. Rigor mortis not present. Skull nose, bones are intact by palpation. Irides are brown. Slightly congested. Hmm. Unidentified dry black substance on the front of the teeth. Gingiva and lips. Okay. David, open him up. (DAVID takes the knife and makes the first cut. He sees blood and stops.) David: Uh ... D-Dr. Robbins? Robbins: Hmm? David: Sir, I-I have blood. I have bleeding. (ROBBINS turns around and heads back to the table. He grabs a cloth to stop the bleeding. DAVID takes the cloth and applies pressure.) Robbins: Get me my kit. Come on. (DAVID turns and gets the kit and puts it near the head of the table.) Robbins: Hold this. let's go. Keep it tight. That's good, David. (ROBBINS puts a syringe together and plunges it into FRED STEARNS' chest.) (Quick CGI to: The needle of the syringe pierces through the heart. The heart starts pumping. End of CGI. Resume to present.) (ROBBINS puts the syringe on the side and checks his vitals.) Robbins: Pulse is rising. David, string me a suture needle. (He waves him aside.) Robbins: Go! Go! [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. PENDALE LAND FILL -- DAY] (CATHERINE, NICK and SARA search the land fill.) (After several Dissolves, CATHERINE lifts up a blouse and sees something.) Catherine: I think I may have something here! (NICK and SARA make their way toward her.) Sara: What've you got? Nick: Whoa! (CATHERINE pushes the garbage aside and finds the severed limb.) Catherine: Got a leg. Nick: Obviously female. Catherine: Obviously. (CATHERINE picks it up and hands it to NICK.) Nick: Whew. I'll bag it. (SARA searches the garbage around the limb. She finds something.) Sara: All right. I got a torso and head. Missing an eye. (Quick flashback to: The Raven caws, lands and picks at the eye. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (SARA starts to cough.) Catherine: Okay, so, uh how hot do you think it is, underneath all this trash? Nick: I don't know, what do you think -- ballpark at 120 degrees? (NICK bags the leg.) Catherine: So this is yesterday's trash. Dead body. Minimum 18 hours in this heat. Sara: She should be totally bloated. Catherine: Yeah, she's not. Nick: Yeah, she's really torn up. (SARA looks behind her.) Sara: Bulldozers are vicious. (Quick flashback to: Camera downward view of the body/limb and garbage being dumped on it. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Yeah, I think they only finished the job. How did she get here? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (CATHERINE walks into the room.) Catherine: Heard you got to be superhero today. Robbins: I consider myself a superhero every day. Catherine: Got anything on our lady of the dump? Robbins: C.O.D. is still indeterminate. Blunt force trauma is a possibility. She has some perimortem bruising around the left eye. But limb removal is relatively clean. Definitely postmortem. Catherine: So we've got no arms, no prints. What kind of identifying characteristics do we have? Robbins: Second degree midline episiotomy scar. Catherine: Well, that narrows it down to more than half the women in this country who gave birth. Robbins: But there might be one other thing. At first I thought appendectomy, but check out her x ray. (ROBBINS walks over to the view box.) Robbins: She's had surgery. Some kind of implant at the L4-L5 interspace. I'll know more when I open her up. Catherine: You're my hero, Al. (CATHERINE smiles over her shoulder at ROBBINS, then turns and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM -- DAY] (SARA and NICK stand over the table full of garbage.) Sara: All right, what do we know? Nick: That all of this trash was found around the victim. And she was buried with some very expensive trash. Sara: Yeah, there's nothing wrong with this frying pan. Could've gone to goodwill or someplace. Nick: Home pregnancy test. Negative. Better luck next time. Sara: Someone ... does not like frozen peas. Nick: They weren't shopping at CostCo. They paid way too much for ice cream. Sara: There's a good chance our vic was wearing this shirt. Nick: Let's start trying to narrow this down to a neighborhood, huh? Sara: Excellent idea. Uh, marker or sort? Nick: Sort. Please. (SARA opens a pen and turns around to mark the map as NICK sorts through the garbage.) Nick: First up: "178 Spaulding Meadows." Uh, "174 Storm Cloud Lane." A second "174 Storm Cloud Lane". (SARA marks the wall map.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - OFFICE -- DAY] (ROBBINS goes over the bagged disc with CATHERINE.) Robbins: Pulled it from the L4-L5 interspace. Cobalt chromium molybdenum alloy with a titanium coating and an ultra high molecular weight polyethylene component. An artificial spinal disc. If you can recreate a spine the possibilities are endless. Catherine: I thought, uh, disc replacement surgery involved fusing bone to bone. Robbins: Eh, typically, but it can limit mobility. With that little disc, your body doesn't know the difference. (Quick CGI to the disc inside the body and moving back and forth.) Robbins: (V.O.) Matches range of motion, flexibility and an axial rotation of a normal spine. (End of CGI. Resume to present.) Robbins: Still in clinical trials. Less than a thousand surgeries have been performed in this country. Catherine: Oh, well, I like those odds. Robbins: You'll like this even better. Medium endplate, size 12, polyethylene component and a six-degree lordosis angle. Narrowed it down to one. Amy Ennis. Austin, Texas. (ROBBINS gives CATHERINE the bagged disc.) Catherine: Tourist? (ROBBINS chuckles, turns and heads for the door.) Robbins: (laughs) That's for you to find out. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) -- DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STORM CLOUD LANE -- DAY] (OFFICERS pull out the trash cans onto the road. NICK, CATHERINE and SARA open them up and check them for blood.) Nick: Hey, is this all of them? Catherine: Yeah, every last one on storm cloud lane. Sara: Cans are on private property, it's not trash day, how did you get consent? Catherine: I talked to the president of the owner's association. Nick: What'd you threaten her with? Catherine: A return visit. (SARA sprays the can and finds blood.) Sara: Hey, guys? I got blood. Nick: Yeah. Yeah me, too. Catherine: Well, that makes five. [SCENE_BREAK] (They pull the five trash cans with the blood stains in them to the middle of the street.) Catherine: Let's see if any of it's human. (They each swab and test the blood.) (SARA'S test shows up not human. NICK'S test shows up as human.) Nick: These two are human. [SCENE_BREAK] (They pull the two trash cans with the human blood stains in them further across the road, apart from the other cans.) (SARA looks inside the can.) Sara: If the vic was in here blood would have pooled to the bottom. Nick: Yeah, and blood dripped down the side of this one as the hydraulic arm dumped it. (Quick flashback to: The trash collecting truck dumps the trash can contents into the bin. The trash falls. We see the severed limb inside the bin. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: This is our can. (CATHERINE looks at the can, then points.) Catherine: And that's our house. SHORT TIME CUT TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STORM CLOUD LANE - EASTON RESIDENCE -- DAY] (CATHERINE interviews DANIEL EASTON.) Daniel Easton: You found blood ... in my trash can? Catherine: Any idea how it got there? Daniel Easton: No. Catherine: Do you know an Amy Ennis from Austin, Texas? (NORA EASTON drives up and parks the car. She's carrying a bouquet of flowers.) Daniel Easton: No. Catherine: So, you have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about? (NORA EASTON gets out of the car and walks out to the house.) Nora Easton: Dad ... you all right? Daniel Easton: I'm fine. Nora Easton: What's going on? Catherine: I'm just asking your father a few questions. Daniel Easton: Why don't you go inside and make some dinner? Nora Easton: What are you in the mood for? Daniel Easton: Whatever you want. Charlie, homework. Charlie Easton: Hey. Get the job? Daniel Easton: Later. Catherine: Divorced? Daniel Easton: Yeah. Five years. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CAR DEALERSHIP -- DAY] (GRISSOM and WARRICK walk through the car lot to the building.) Warrick: I hear David's resurrecting the dead now. Grissom: (chuckles) Yeah, our little miracle worker. Warrick: I just came from the hospital. That guy's in ICU with respiratory paralysis. I did get a prelim on his blood work -- looks like some sort of an organic poison. Grissom: Well, that would explain the discoloration Robbins found around his mouth. Marty Gibson: (to the customer) I'm telling you, this is great. You're going to love this. 30 miles to the gallon, very low maintenance. Your people are going to love it. You know what? I want you to tell them to throw away the manuals. (He hands him a business card.) Marty Gibson: Call me for anything. Marty Gibson doesn't close a sale, he opens a relationship. (MARTY GIBSON leads the customer past GRISSOM and WARRICK.) Warrick: That guy's a charmer. Grissom: Yeah, real Ricky Roma. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CAR DEALERSHIP -- DAY] (A dog yips in the background. WARRICK and GRISSOM walk up to the receptionist.) Nancy Linden: May I help you, gentlemen? Warrick: I'm Warrick Brown, this is Gil Grissom. We're from the Las Vegas Crime Lab. Nancy Linden: Oh. Nanci Linden. It's a pleasure to meet you. Grissom: We have a warrant to search your premises. Nancy Linden: What for? Grissom: For evidence concerning the attempted murder of Fred Stearns. Nancy Linden: Oh, he had a heart attack. He's dead. Grissom: No, he didn't ... and he's not. (NANCI stares at them speechless. The dog barks. She turns to quiet her dog in her bag.) Nancy Linden: Gigi, shush. Shh! (She kicks the bag lightly. The dog whimpers.) Nancy Linden: I'm sorry. I'm not supposed to bring her in here. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CAR DEALERSHIP - STAIRS/SECOND FLOOR - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (NANCY LINDEN leads GRISSOM and WARRICK up the stairs to the offices. She points the desks out to them.) Nancy Linden: So, this was ... is Fred's desk. Nobody's touched it since they took him away. It's bad luck. Middle desk is Marty Gibson. The one on the end is Clyde Hinton. Grissom: Thank you. (NANCI LINDEN leaves the room.) Warrick: Poison could've come from any of these sources here. Grissom: Oral fixation you think? Constant need for gratification? Warrick: In every way. This guy was like the monster closer. You ever buy a brand-new car, Griss? Grissom: Depreciation doesn't make it a logical investment. (WARRICK stands in front of the WHITEBOARD that has the commission numbers on it. It reads: CABO COMMISSION FRED // CLYDE // MARTY Warrick: It's not about logic. It's about that smell. There's nothing like the smell of a brand-new car. (MARTY GIBSON steps into the office and holds out his business card.) Marty Gibson: How right you are. Marty Gibson. Grissom: We're not buying, we're looking. If we need any help we'll let you know. Marty Gibson: Sometimes it's not about what you need, sometimes it's about what you want. (MARTY GIBSON leaves the room.) (GRISSOM and WARRICK start to check the desks. GRISSOM finds gum wrappers. He checks the tips of the pens on the desk. He picks up the phone to find that it's stuck to the base. He looks at the phone.) (At the next desk, WARRICK collects the liquid in the mug.) (GRISSOM scrapes off some of the white stuff on the phone.) (WARRICK checks the sleeves of the jacket.) (GRISSOM collects the coffee in the mug.) (WARRICK collects something off of the sleeve. Camera zooms in for a extreme close up.) (GRISSOM tries the drawers. CLYDE HINTON leaning over the partition wall throws GRISSOM the keys to the drawer.) Grissom: You always, uh, lock your drawers? (GRISSOM finds the glue bottle in the desk.) Grissom: Huh. (CLYDE HINTON snickers.) Grissom: You're the one who super-glued Fred's phone. (CLYDE HINTON continues to chuckle. GRISSOM holds up the gum.) Grissom: "Chewing gum: Will turn any mouth black for days." (CLYDE HINTON starts laughing. WARRICK cell phone rings ) Warrick: Warrick Brown. Grissom: I get it. You're the funny guy. Clyde Hinton: You know the definition of "kismet," Mr. Grissom? Grissom: Do you know the definition of attempted murder, Mr Hinton? Clyde Hinton: Just go with me for a second. Grissom: Go with you where? Clyde Hinton: Come on... "kismet." Grissom: Fate, or destiny. It's from the arabic word meaning to distribute, or divide up. Clyde Hinton: Smart guy. Destiny is what you make of it.It's what gets distributed to me while the other guy's washing the stain off his lips. (Quick flashback to: FRED STEARNS swings around in his chair and talks with CLYDE and MARTY.) Fred Stearns: Well, boys, just closed another fatty. Two hours of schmooze - (FRED unwraps a piece of gum and pops it into his mouth. He starts chewing.) Fred Stearns: I can't lose. (MARTY looks over at FRED and nods.) Marty Gibson: Your lips. (FRED grabs the mirror and checks it. Sure enough, his lips and teeth are stained black.) Fred Stearns: Clyde! Clyde Hinton: Don't worry, Freddy. I'll handle the client. (FRED starts wiping the stain off of his mouth. CLYDE steps up and everyone laughs.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Clyde Hinton: Look, everyone tries to get an edge in this business. I use jokes. (WARRICK steps up to the partition.) Warrick: Fred Stearns just passed away. Again. (CLYDE HINTON appropriately doesn't laugh at the news.) Grissom: Dead guy. Not funny. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] CADAVER VIEW: (DAVID PHILLIPS leans over the body and into the camera. ROBBINS appears next to him and looks down into the camera also.) Robbins: Okay, David, take two. (DAVID starts the Y-incision.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- HALLWAY] (BRASS and CATHERINE walk through the hallway.) Brass: No luck on Amy Ennis's next of kin. The Austin PD is still working on it. Catherine: Well, we know that she had a kid. Brass: Well, she gave birth. That doesn't mean that she had a kid. Catherine: So, what, we've got nothing? Brass: We have a mercury sable, uh, Texas plates, found in the lot of the Tangiers hotel. She's the registered owner. They're bringing it in now. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (DAVID cuts into the stomach. He empties out the contents and looks inside. ROBBINS watches in the back.) David Phillips: If the poison was administered orally I may know how it got into the bloodstream. (GRISSOM turns to look at what DAVID'S talking about.) David Phillips: Gastric ulcer. (Quick CGI to: Top view down on a male chest.) David Phillips: (V.O.) In a healthy, functioning stomach, ... (Camera drops down and through the chest to show the outer stomach. Clear liquid coats the outer stomach lining.) David Phillips: (V.O.) ... mucosa lines the walls and prevents the hydrochloric acid from burning the organ itself. (A thick black liquid pours down and coats the stomach lining.) David Phillips: (V.O.) ... But if H. Pylori gets in there, sends the whole system off-balance, stops the mucosa, and causes an ulcer. (The black liquid moves aside, the mucosa moves aside to reveal an ulcer underneath.) (End of quick CGI. Resume to present.) David Phillips: Opens a direct channel from your digestive tract straight into your bloodstream. I know a lot about stress-related ailments. Robbins: Any word yet on a poison? Grissom: Tox screen ruled out the ink gum. Robbins: It could've been a factor, though. Uh, gum churns up stomach acid -- instant inflammation. Grissom: I don't care about his indigestion, Doc. We need to know what killed him. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY] (NICK and SARA go over the car contents. SARA goes through AMY ENNIS' suitcase. She holds up a black teddy.) Sara: Well, she wasn't in town on business. Nick: What's that? (NICK looks up. SARA turns around and holds the black teddy in front of her. She clicks her tongue and shakes the teddy in front of her.) Nick: Oh! Depends on what her business was, I guess. (SARA turns around and puts the teddy back into the suitcase. She checks its contents.) Sara: Nothing risqué about the rest of her wardrobe. Nick: Maybe she got it here. She could've met somebody, you know. (SARA checks the suitcase pocket. NICK puts on a mask and holds up the hand-held sized cyanoacrylate fuming wand.) Nick: Okay, I'm going to fume. Sara: Okay. (NICK opens the car door, crawls in and looks for prints. After a while, he finds a print on the steering wheel.) (Camera zooms in for a close up.) OVERLAP TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB -- DAY] (Camera overlaps the print on the steering wheel with the extracted print on the computer monitor on the left side while the right side looks for a match.) (The computer beeps. There's a match. NICK continues to work at the computer.) (CATHERINE walks into the lab.) Catherine: According to Greg, the hairs and the DNA from the toothbrush are a match to the vic. What about the prints from her car? Nick: I thought I messed it up, so I ran it twice. (NICK prints out the results. He hands it to CATHERINE.) Nick: No errant prints, all a match to the same woman. Catherine: Amy Ennis. Nick: No "Amy Ennis" in the database. Catherine: Well, Amy Ennis is our vic. It's her car. Nick: Prints came back to somebody named "Kelly Easton". (CATHERINE looks at the print results. It reads: [EXAMPLAR: Fingerprint exemplar bearing the name of: Prints obtained from Amy Ennis' Vehicle - Steering Wheel, ra... Interior Driver & Passenger Doors RESULTS: The above exemplar was compared to the following: KELLY EASTON IDENTIFICATION WAS MADE - All Prints Match By: Mandy Webster #865748 Latent Print Examiner Identification Unit *Subpoena list for court appearance: Lifting developing of latent print(s) L.E.T. Thomas #434687 ... Comparison of latent print(s) Representative of Latent Prints ... *A fingerprint palm card witnessed by investigator should be ... Identification Unit as soon as possible. Attach a copy ... ] Catherine: Kelly Easton ... Easton ... 174 Storm Cloud Lane? Nick: What's the first thing you do when you don't want to be found? Catherine: Leave town. Nick: Yeah ... and change your name. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STORM CLOUD LANE - EASTON RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (OFFICER cars with their lights flashing are parked outside the EASTON residence.) (CATHERINE talks with DANIEL EASTON.) Catherine: ... Want to Mulligan on your first story? "Divorced"? Daniel Easton: What the hell was I supposed to say? My wife went out to get her hair done and never came home. Catherine: Well, maybe you gave her a reason to leave. Spousal abuse, cheating... Daniel Easton: Aaww, you people. You know, you were here five years ago with your grid searches, your dogs, your cadets -- you came up empty. You give me a good reason why my wife left me, I'd love to hear it, because I tried the truth. I didn't know what happened. You know what I got for it? They all think I killed my wife. Her parents sued me for custody. I lost my job, my friends. Only thing I got left are those kids and this house. Catherine: Okay, you didn't kill her. (beat) At least back then. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. EASTON RESIDENCE - BEDROOM -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE and SARA check the bedroom using ALS. CATHERINE checks the bed. SARA checks the seats. She finds something. She also finds a pair of lacy panties.) Sara: I don't think these belong to dad. Catherine: Could place Mrs. Easton at the house. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STORM CLOUD LANE - EASTON RESIDENCE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (DANIEL EASTON explains the lacy panties to SARA.) Daniel Easton: She came back about a month ago. Doorbell rings ... (Quick flashback to: DANIEL EASTON opens the front door. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Daniel Easton: huh, what do you say? (Quick flashback to: The door is pushed open and AMY ENNIS/KELLY EASTON walks into the room.) Amy Ennis/Kelly Easton: Hi. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: You tell me. Whatever it is, it must've worked. She was back in your bedroom. Daniel Easton: Well, they say time heals all wounds. It's crap. I hate her for what she did to us, but I swear, it was the first time I felt anything in five years. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. EASTON RESIDENCE - BEDROOM - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (CATHERINE pulls the bed covers back and continues to look for evidence. CATHERINE finds a strand of hair. She takes a tape and lifts it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. EASTON RESIDENCE - CHARLIE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (NICK uses the ALS in CHARLIE'S bedroom. He looks on the walls, on the bed, and notices CHARLIE'S journal on the desk. NICK opens it and sees pages and pages of violent drawings with notes such as "PAIN", "SKOOL BITES", "HATE".) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STORM CLOUD LANE -- EASTON RESIDENCE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (NICK talks with CHARLIE EASTON.) Charlie Easton: So, she's really dead? Nick: Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. Charlie Easton: Figures. Nick: How's that? Charlie Easton: She left without telling us. Figures she'd die the same way. Nick: I don't think your mom knew she was going to die, bud. Charlie Easton: Whatever. (CHARLIE withdraws and puts on his earphone with loud music on.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STORM CLOUD LANE -- EASTON RESIDENCE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (CATHERINE interviews NORA EASTON.) Nora Easton: Last time I saw my mother, I was ... in seventh grade. She handed me my lunch and said, "See you after school." Catherine: Did you know that she was back? Nora Easton: I thought that she was dead. (NORA rubs her stomach.) Nora Easton: Can I sit down? Catherine: Yeah, sure. Nora, I'm sorry. I know this has got to be very hard on you and your brother. Nora Easton: And my dad. Catherine: Is your dad seeing anybody? Does he have a girlfriend? Nora Easton: How could he? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. EASTON RESIDENCE - NORA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (CATHERINE uses the ALS in NORA'S bedroom. She looks at the framed photos on the desk of NORA and her father.) (CATHERINE opens the drawer and finds bottles of "HIGH PROTEIN" SUPPLEMENTS. She also finds a jewelry bag with a diamond tennis bracelet inside.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. EASTON RESIDENCE - KITCHEN -- NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (SARA uses the ALS in the kitchen. She finds some blood stains on the floor. She looks on the wall where the frying pans are hanging and notices a blank spot on the wall where a frying pan should be.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. EASTON RESIDENCE - GARAGE -- NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (NICK opens the large freezer in the garage.) Nick: This is where I found the hairs, in between the packages of frozen peas. (CATHERINE looks at the baggie with the hair samples.) Catherine: Mrs. Easton was a brunette. Nick: And we found a warehouse worth of frozen peas at the landfill. Catherine: Lack of swelling, clean fractures ... she was frozen. (Quick flashback to: The body in the garbage truck bin as the bin closes. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Skin and muscle would've lost elasticity. Fracture planes would've passed through in a straight line. Nick: I'm thinking somebody in this family stuck her in here, waited 'til trash day. (Quick flashback to: A hand holding a frying pan swings and makes contact with AMY ENNIS' forehead. She goes down. Flash to white. The person empties the large freezer in the garage. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Well, the garbage tells us how she was killed. Now I want to know who. (NICK shuts the freezer door closed with a bang.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT.CSI -- LAB] SCOPE VIEW of the sample taken off of the coat sleeve. (GRISSOM walks into the lab.) Warrick: That unknown substance I collected from Marty Gibson's coat ... Grissom: Possibly reptilian skin? Warrick: How'd you know? (GRISSOM holds up a piece of paper.) Grissom: Tox report. The organic poison came back snake venom. I think maybe it's time to open a relationship with Marty Gibson. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CAR DEALERSHIP - SECOND FLOOR OFFICES -- DAY] (GRISSOM and WARRICK re-question MARTY GIBSON.) Grissom: We found reptile skin on your jacket sleeve. So, unless you're shedding, we want to know how it got there. Marty Gibson: Whoa, gentlemen, slow down. Can I get you a cup of coffee? (he turns around and yells over his shoulder) Nanci...? Grissom: No, thank you. Marty Gibson: (to GRISSOM) Doughnut? Everybody loves doughnuts. (turns and yells) Nanci. Grissom: No doughnuts. Warrick: Fred Stearns dropped a dime at girls, girls, girls and wrote it off. Marty Gibson: Kaido computers. Software guys are nuts, into the kinky stuff. End of the day, they're driving Fred's cars. Warrick: Neiman Marcus, jewelry department? Marty Gibson: Fred knew you got to spend money to make money. Warrick: Well, here's a freaky one. Since when are two dozen mice a business expense? Marty Gibson: Since I got the pet place to buy a mini-van from me. My cousin works there. You got kids? I could put you in a wagon way below sticker. Grissom: Marty, what'd you do with the mice? Marty Gibson: What do you care? You going to arrest me for blurring the lines? Grissom: No. We were leaning towards murder. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BASEMENT -- DAY] (MARTY GIBSON opens the basement doors and leads GRISSOM and WARRICK downstairs.) Marty Gibson: Watch your step. You guys are completely overreacting. It's just a hobby. (He shows them the snakes in tanks.) Marty Gibson: See? Fuzzies. They're food. Warrick: You know it's illegal in the state of nevada to have venomous snakes? Marty: If you handle them correctly, snakes are harmless. I know what I'm doing. Grissom: Yeah, that's what we're afraid of. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT] (BRASS questions DANIEL EASTON with his lawyer next to him.) Daniel Easton: I didn't even know she was dead. Thought she'd just left me again. Brass: Well, it's a good thing you didn't tell the kids mom was back. Lawyer: My client agreed to talk to you, not be harassed by you. Brass: You're right. Well, you were excited to see her. Why wouldn't the kids be? Daniel Easton: I'm an adult. Brass: That's right, you're an adult -- knowledgeable, experienced ... aware of Nevada Statutes, Chapter 156: Administration of estates of missing persons. Daniel Easton: It's a matter of public record. We've been filling out those forms for five years. Brass: You're jumping the gun. It's four years, 11 months, one week. Daniel Easton: So what? Brass: Well, in three weeks, Mrs. Easton's estate can be distributed to her husband. You had a half a million dollar life insurance policy on your wife. Daniel Easton: And she had one on me. We did that for the kids. Brass: But you're not dead, and she wasn't either, two days ago. You know, for an unemployed guy you're doing a lot of spending. I mean, (chuckles) ... Tiffany's, La Perla international watch company ... expecting a windfall? Lawyer: (to EASTON) Don't answer that. (to BRASS) You're fishing. Brass: No, I do that with a pole. No, I'm just thinking out loud. Your wife disappears. Five years after the fact, you get the money. You've earned it, it's yours, but she screwed you up. She showed up. Daniel Easton: (shakes his head) I did not kill my wife. Brass: What happened, Daniel? The s*x wasn't as good as you remembered it, or the money was better? What happened? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. OFFICE -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM talks with JESSIE MENKEN. She looks at the photo of the scales sample) Jessie Menken: Scales found on your suspect's jacket are keeled. Diamondback rattlesnake. His others, smooth scales. A snake fang is basically a hypodermic needle. Oral glands hold in the venom ... like the barrel. When aggravated, the jaw muscles push on the toxin, like a plunger. Grissom: Only, our victim didn't have any puncture wounds. Jessie Menken: Well, your guy's probably pretty comfortable with his collection-- otherwise, he'd be dead -- which means, he could've milked this one. Grissom: And brought the venom with him to the dealership. (She nods.) Grissom: Well, the trace lab found venom proteins in his coffee cup. Could that have killed him? Jessie Menken: Well, I know a lot of hot shots who drink the stuff -- manly, daredevil B.S. -- And they're still alive. Grissom: Because typically, the stomach acids would kill the venom before it reached the bloodstream, but if you had an ulcer... Jessie Menken: Hmm, then you're seriously screwed. Was there an abnormal tissue death? Necrosis? Grissom: No. Jessie Menken: That rules out his diamondback rattlesnake. Rattler venom's hemotoxic. It means it predigests the tissue before swallowing. Grissom: Well, the Elisa test came back positive for alpha-neurotoxins. Jessie Menken: Well, your guy likes them mean. So ... These other two could've done the job, both neurotoxic. Grissom: Which would send the body into complete and total paralysis, right? (She nods.) Grissom: Explaining why the victim ended up in the morgue the first time. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB] (GREG goes over the test results with CATHERINE.) Greg: Okay, blood from the bedroom chair and the kitchen belong to mom. Catherine: That's what I figured. Greg: Hair from the freezer-- nicely preserved, by the way-- and hairs from the bedroom pillow, also the victim's. Catherine: Okay, this is all great, but, uh, why the 9-1-1 page? (GREG shows the results to CATHERINE.) Greg: The moral of my story -- share and share alleles. Pubic hairs in the bed, not mom's. Catherine: The daughter. Dad did have a new girlfriend. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - WAITING ROOM] (CATHERINE questions NORA EASTON.) Nora Easton: The bracelet was a gift. Catherine: From your father. Diamonds and platinum, that's, uh, pretty fancy. Nora Easton: Guess he thought I deserved it. Catherine: Why? Nora Easton: For taking care of everything. Catherine: Everything? Nora Easton: Laundry, groceries, carpool for Charlie ... Catherine: Is that it? (NORA EASTON looks away for a moment.) Catherine: Nora ... I'd really like to help you and your brother, but I can't unless you talk to me. (NORA EASTON doesn't respond.) Catherine: We found evidence of you in your father's bed. Nora Easton: (smiles) My father loves me. (CATHERINE'S eyes shift downward and widen. NORA looks down and notices the wet stain on her blouse.) Nora Easton: Oh, my god. Catherine: Are you lactating? (NORA doesn't say anything.) Catherine: You're pregnant. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY TO INTERVIEW ROOM] (CATHERINE walks rapidly through the hallway and walks into the interview room where DANIEL EASTON is.) Catherine: You sick son of a bitch. Did you think we weren't going to find out she was pregnant? Daniel Easton: Who? Catherine: Oh, stop it. Your daughter. Daniel Easton: (confused) Nora is pregnant? Catherine: Cut the clueless routine. Daniel Easton: What are you accusing me of? (Quick flashback to: AMY ENNIS/KELLY EASTON opens the bedroom door and finds DANIEL EASTON sitting on the bed with NORA EASTON.) Amy Ennis/Kelly Easton: Daniel! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Your wife came back and saw what you were doing. So, you killed her, and you tried to buy off your daughter with a diamond bracelet. Daniel Easton: I bought that for my wife. Catherine: Your daughter's telling a different story. Daniel Easton: Nora? How could she even know about ... Catherine: (interrupting) I'm going to nail you for murder. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB -- NIGHT] (GREG shows WARRICK and GRISSOM the test results.) Warrick: What do you mean, "none"? Greg: Well, venom's like perfume -- highly specific recipe. Protein ratios vary from species to species, even snake to snake. The protein level of your three "hoses" doesn't match the sample taken from the vic's coffee cup. Warrick: So, Marty was telling the truth? It was just a coincidence that he owns poisonous snakes, and his co-worker was envenomated. Grissom: (shakes his head) A coincidence is a scientific anomaly. Maybe he just got rid of the snake. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NANCY LINDEN'S RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (Camera pans across the counter where NANCY LINDEN has porcelain figurines of all kinds of dogs. (In the middle of the living room, the SNAKE HANDLER handles the large snake.) Snake Handler: Girl called all hysterical. Said a snake ate her dog. It's a monacled cobra -- it's not indigenous. Comes from southeast Asia. I asked her where she got it from. She said her co-worker asked her to snake-sit. Grissom: Marty Gibson. Snake Handler: Mm-hmm. (He walks away with the snake.) (GRISSOM heads for NANCI LINDEN who sits on the couch in her bathrobe crying.) Nancy Linden: Hey, you're that guy from the crime lab. Well, you're a little late. b*st*rd told me he had a sure-fire way to win the Cabo trip, and that he'd take me with him if I just watched his snake for a couple of days. I can't believe what an idiot I am. (crying) Never trust a car salesman. Grissom: What else did you do for Marty? Nancy Linden: Well, not that. Grissom: Did you get him coffee? Nancy Linden: Oh, well, now I do. Grissom: Now you do? Nancy Linden: Yeah. It used to be Marty, the goodwill guy who got coffee for everybody else, but now, since Fred's dead, he's moved up a desk. Grissom: "The Goodwill Guy?" Nancy Linden: Yeah. The guy with no client list of his own, has to live off the hand-me-downs of the others. (Quick flashback to: At the office, FRED STEARS holds up his coffee mug and calls out to MARTY GIBSON who doesn't look all that happy.) Fred Stearns: Hey, Marty, uh, sure could use another refill. Marty Gibson: You want anything? Fred Stearns: Easy on the sugar. Marty Gibson: Coming right up. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: Well, sometimes access is all you need. (Quick flashback to: MARTY GIBSON pours the cup of coffee. He reaches into his pocket and retrieves a small vial of venom which he pours into the mug. End of flashback. Resume to present.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT./EXT. DEALERSHIP --NIGHT] (MARTY GIBSON is in handcuffs leading GIBSON and the OFFICER out of the second floor offices and down the stairs.) Marty Gibson: Nanci. Do you know what a syllogism is, Mr. Gibson? Grissom: Sylla-what? Marty Gibson: A syllogism. Aristotelian logic. Two premises equal one conclusion. Marty Gibson & Grissom (both): "A" plus "B" equals "C." Grissom: Right. So, you're the snake guy. You're also the goodwill guy who gets the coffee. So, when someone is poisoned with snake venom in their coffee, "a" plus "b" equals you. Marty Gibson: I busted my ass out on this floor to get a desk up there, and for what? So Fred can make me his bitch? Grissom: So you kill him? Marty Gibson: Fred killed himself. Guy was like a goldfish. He would have eaten himself to death before he tossed me a client. And one good client breeds seven more. Without the one, I keep slipping. (MARTY shakes his head and starts rambling as he walks to the car.) Marty Gibson: There's two directions in this business-- up and out. It's a numbers game. I'm 35 years old. I got six guys ready to move me out. Opportunity knocks, you open the door. Grissom: I guess it's just too bad he had an ulcer. (MARTY is helped into the car.) Marty Gibson: Who doesn't? (The car door closes.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL] (NORA EASTON is having a pelvic examination. CATHERINE stands on the side and watches.) Nurse: Okay, if I can just have you lay back. Nurse: All right, Nora, I'm going to need you to relax. Nurse: Okay, now take a deep breath. Nurse: Good. Nurse: All right, another deep breath. (The examination is completed. The NURSE pushes the curtain aside and whispers to CATHERINE. She walks away. CATHERINE turns and looks at NORA.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LOUNGE] (SARA and CATHERINE are in the lounge. CATHERINE sits at the table reading a large reference book.) Sara: She's a virgin? What are we talking about, an immaculate conception? Catherine: More like the immaculate perception. Pseudocyesis -- imagined pregnancy. Sara: It's all in her head? Well, that would explain what she was doing in dad's bed. (SARA sits down.) Catherine: Fantasizing. Wow. (reading) "When the desire to become pregnant is so strong hormone levels can change, setting off all the biological signs of pregnancy." Sara: It kind of makes sense. Hormones travel the same channels as adrenaline. Catherine: "Swollen abdomen, lack of menstruation, and sometimes bilateral galactorrhea." Milk production in both breasts. Leaking can be brought on by stress. (Quick CGI to: The image of NORA EASTON with a light that travels down from inside her brain following a path through the endocrine system as CATHERINE narrates.) Catherine: (V.O.) "Emotional or physical stimuli cause prolactin to shoot through the endocrine system, ending in the mammary glands, and triggering the cells to lactate." (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: The father was clueless. Catherine: About all the women in his life. (NICK walks into the room.) Nick: Hey, hey. Check out these photos. The two stains on the inside of the shirt we found at the dump tested positive for Nora, but the stains on the outside, bloodstains, are definitely mom's. Catherine: The bracelet was mom's. Greg checked the epithelials. Sara: Nora's in love with her father, in an Electra kind of way. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM] (CATHERINE interviews NORA EASTON. CATHERINE puts a photo of the shirt on the table.) Catherine: Nora, is this your shirt? Nora Easton: Yes. Catherine: Can you explain to me how your mother's blood ended up on it? (NORA shakes her head.) Brass: No idea how it got there? Nora Easton: (shakes her head) No. Catherine: Well, you told me that this bracelet was a gift from your father. He claims that he bought it for your mother. Nora Easton: Oh, no. It's mine. Catherine: I think you feel the same way about your father. (Quick flashback to: NORA EASTON opens her father's bedroom door and finds DANIEL and KELLY on the bed.) Daniel Easton: You know you mean the world to me, don't you? (NORA is surprised, shocked and jealous. She sees her mom with the bracelet. Then she sees her father kissing her mother.) (Cut to: NORA EASTON sits in front of her mirror clutching her stomach. She opens the drawer and pulls out the bottle of vitamins. she takes one.) (Camera cuts and shows NORA looking at a a framed photograph of herself and her father.) (Cut to: NORA is in the kitchen washing the dishes. KELLY EASTON walks up behind her and covers NORA'S eyes.) Amy Ennis/Kelly Easton: Guess who's back? (NORA grabs the frying pan and swings it, hitting KELLY on the forehead. KELLY hits the edge of the counter before falling to the floor. Dead.) (NORA reaches over and takes the bracelet from KELLY. KELLY slides along the floor out of camera frame.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: And then you put your mother in the freezer and you waited until trash day. Nora Easton: That's a horrible story. Catherine: It's not a story. It's what the evidence tells us really happened. Nora Easton: What kind of a mother would do that? I'm helpful. I do what needs to be done. Catherine: I know. You take care of things. Nora Easton: (crying) I never ask for anything! Catherine: And all you wanted was the one thing that you couldn't have. Nora Easton: It's not my fault. I'm innocent. Catherine: You were innocent, Nora. You're not anymore. (THE OFFICER in the room moves behind NORA EASTON to handcuff her.) Nora Easton: What are you doing? Brass: You're under arrest for the murder of Kelly Easton. Nora Easton: (shouts) No, but I'm going to have a baby! (They take her out of the room. BRASS sighs.) Brass: Well, she's going to retain an attorney. He's going to advise her to plead insanity. Catherine: Good defense. Brass: Yeah. Have you ever seen anything like this before? (CATHERINE gathers her things.) Catherine: How it manifested? No. But the cause? (beat) People throw things away every day.

Plan: A: a raven; Q: What bird is spotted with a human eyeball in its beak? A: Catherine; Q: Who is one of the people who must find the rest of the body and the killer? A: a special one; Q: What kind of autopsy did David and Dr. Robbins perform? A: his life; Q: What did David and Dr. Robbins save? A: the man; Q: Who did Grissom and Warrick try to find out who wanted dead? Summary: When a raven is spotted with a human eyeball in its beak, it is up to Catherine, Sara and Nick to find the rest of the body and the killer. Meanwhile a normal autopsy turns into a special one when the victim is not dead. David and Dr. Robbins manage to save his life, only to have him die later. Grissom and Warrick then try to find out who wanted the man dead.

Note: This episode was unusual in that they showed "Previously on Buffy..." and then went directly into the opening credits, then began the episode without a commercial break. So the "teaser" came after the opening credits instead of before. Shot of Adam. Buffy: The Initiative created this thing and they can't stop it, but we will. Giles Voiceover: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Overhead shot of Willow, Giles, and Xander doing the spell in "Primeval." Willow Voiceover: Power of the slayer and all who wield it, last to ancient first, we invoke thee. Giles lighting a candle. Willow: Make us mind and heart and spirit join. Shot of Willow's hand laying down a Tarot-sized card. Willow: Spiritus, the spirit. Shot of Xander laying down another card. Xander: Animus, heart. Shot of Giles laying down another card. Giles: Sophus, mind. Shot of Willow holding the last card. Buffy: And Manus, the hand. Shot of Buffy with bullets dissolving in front of her. Buffy: You could never hope to grasp the source of our power. Buffy reaching into Adam's chest and pulling out his power supply. Adam falling over dead. Wolf howl. Opening credits. (No commercial) Guest starring Kristine Sutherland, Amber Benson, Mercedes McNab, David Wells, Michael Harney, George Hertzberg, Emma Caulfield as Anya, Seth Green as Oz, and Armin Shimerman as Principal Snyder. Written and directed by Joss Whedon. BUFFY: Are you sure you'll be all right? Cause I can be there in the morning. RILEY: (shakes head) It's just a debriefing. (We see they're at Joyce's house, standing by the door. Giles is in the dining room. Willow sitting on the stairs.) RILEY: They're not gonna make me disappear, and they're not pinning anything on me. I got Graham and a lot of the guys testifying I'm the reason they're alive. I might actually get out of this with an honorable discharge. GILES: (eating something) In return for your silence, no doubt. RILEY: Oh yeah. Having the inside scoop on the administration's own Bay of Mutated Pigs is definitely an advantage. WILLOW: (cheery) It's like you're blackmailing the government. (They look at her) In a ... patriotic way. (Riley smiles.) RILEY: I'll call you when it's over. (He and Buffy smooch.) XANDER: (offscreen) Dinner is served. (Xander enters with a bowl of popcorn. Joyce behind him.) XANDER: And my very own recipe. (Willow takes a handful.) WILLOW: Ooh, you pushed the button on the microwave that says "popcorn"? XANDER: (shakes head) Actually, I pushed "defrost," but, um, Joyce was there in the clinch. RILEY: Well, you guys have fun tonight. (Extends his hand to Joyce) It was very nice meeting you. JOYCE: (shakes his hand) It was nice meeting you ... finally. RILEY: Bye. BUFFY: Bye. (Riley leaves. Buffy shuts the door behind him. We see Joyce is holding a bowl of peanuts.) JOYCE: (to Buffy) Did you notice how pointedly I said "finally"? BUFFY: (innocent face) No. (They all go into the living room.) XANDER: Let the vid-fest begin. GILES: (to Joyce) You sure you won't join us? JOYCE: No, you guys have your fun. (Buffy and Willow sit on the sofa, Xander on the floor) I'm tired. I can't believe you're not exhausted. Have you even slept since... GILES: Still feel a little bit too wired. WILLOW: Mm. Yeah, that spell, that was, that was powerful. BUFFY: Don't think I *could* sleep. (We see Buffy and Willow curling up on the sofa with blankets over them.) XANDER: Well, we got plenty of vids. And I'm putting in a preemptive bid for "Apocalypse Now," huh? (Holds up the video) WILLOW: (scowls) Did you get anything less heart-of-darkness-y? (Joyce smiles, puts down bowl) XANDER: Apocalypse Now is a gay romp! It's the feel-good movie of whatever year it was. BUFFY: (not buying it) What else? (Joyce and Giles exchange a smile and she heads for the stairs.) XANDER: Don't worry. Got plenty of chick-and-British-guy flicks too. These puppies should last us all night. (Shot of Joyce smiling at them as she climbs the stairs.) (Shot of a hand putting a tape in the VCR and pressing Play.) (Pan up to the TV screen. The FBI warning comes up.) (Shot of Giles, Buffy, Willow, and Xander fast asleep in their seats.) Commercial. (The four still asleep. Giles in a chair, Buffy and Willow on the sofa, Xander on the floor. Zoom in slowly on Willow, clutching a red blanket against herself.) (Fade to Tara's face. She appears to be lying on her stomach, resting chin on crossed arms. We see a bare shoulder.) TARA: I think it's strange. I mean, I think I should worry that we haven't found her name. WILLOW: Who, Miss Kitty? (Shot of their kitten, playing with a ball of red yarn in slow-motion.) TARA: You'd think she'd let us know her name by now. WILLOW: She will. (Looking down at Tara) She's not all grown yet. TARA: You're not worried? WILLOW: I never worry here. (Smile) I'm safe here. TARA: You don't know everything about me. WILLOW: Have you told me your real name? (Tara smiles.) TARA: Oh, you know that. (Willow smiles, reaches for something.) (Shot of a paintbrush dipping into ink jars.) TARA: They will find out, you know. (Shot of Willow's face.) TARA: About you. WILLOW: Don't have time to think about that. (Frown) You know I have all this homework to finish. (The camera pulls back so we can see Tara is lying face-down on her bed, naked, and Willow is painting on her back.) TARA: Are you gonna finish in time for class? WILLOW: I can be late. TARA: But you've never taken drama before. (Shot of Willow dipping the paintbrush again, moving it across to Tara's back, which is covered with Greek symbols.) TARA: Might miss something important. (Pause) WILLOW: I don't wanna leave here. (Tara twists back to look at her.) TARA: Why not? (Willow stands up, looking down at Tara. She turns away toward a dark red curtain. Walks over to it.) WILLOW: It's so bright. (Pulls back the curtain to reveal a brightly sunlit desert. The light falls on Tara, who looks over.) WILLOW: (looking back at Tara, still holding the curtain open) And there's something out there. (Shot of the desert, straggly plants, rocks. We briefly see something (someone?) moving, then it's gone.) (Shot of the kitten stalking forward toward the camera, in slow-motion.) (Cut to Willow walking down the halls of Sunnydale High, looking anxious. She walks up to Xander and Oz.) XANDER: Hey. WILLOW: (casual) Hey, guys. (Keeps walking) OZ: Heard you're taking drama. (The guys walk after her) WILLOW: Uh-huh. OZ: It's a tough course. WILLOW: You took it? (Walks up to a locker, starts trying to open it) OZ: Oh, I've been here forever. XANDER: So whatcha been doin'? Doing spells? (To Oz) She does spells with Tara. OZ: Yeah, I heard about that. (Willow still trying to open the locker.) (Bell rings.) WILLOW: (anxious) I'm gonna be late. (Walks off) XANDER: Sometimes I think about two women doing a spell ... and then I do a spell by myself. (Oz looks at him. Xander looks at Oz, then quickly away.) (Cut to Willow entering the backstage area. Costumes hanging on a rack. People getting into costume. Makeup table with mirrors. Sound of an orchestra tuning up. People wearing all kinds of different costumes. Willow walks around looking lost.) (Harmony runs up to her. She's dressed as a Swedish Milkmaid with two braids.) HARMONY: Isn't this exciting? Our first production! I can't wait till our scene! I love you! Oh! (Hugs Willow. Suddenly drops the fake friendly act.) Don't step on my cues. WILLOW: Production? (We see Buffy peeking out through the curtain at the audience. She runs over to Willow and Harmony. She's dressed as the lead character in "Chicago": short straight black hair, short tight black dress.) BUFFY: Ohmigod. The place is packed. Everybody's here! Your whole family's in the front row, (cheerful) and they look really angry. WILLOW: There's a production? HARMONY: (rubbing Willow's shoulders) Oh, somebody's got stage fright. WILLOW: Isn't this the first class? (Riley approaches, dressed as a cowboy.) RILEY: Well, you showed up late, or you'd have a better part. (Smiling) I'm Cowboy Guy. BUFFY: (to Willow) Your costume is perfect. (Whispers) Nobody's gonna know the truth. You know, about you. WILLOW: (bemused) Costume? BUFFY: (pouting) You're already in character! Oh, I shoulda done that! (Stomps foot, turns away) WILLOW: But how come there's - I mean, I was given to understand that a drama class would have, you know ... drama class. I mean, we haven't even rehearsed! HARMONY: (snorts) Well, maybe some people haven't. (Smiles up at Riley) RILEY: I showed up on time, so I got to be Cowboy Guy. (Harmony nods) WILLOW: (to Buffy) I just think it's really early to be putting on a play. I, I don't even know what... (Eyes widen) This isn't Madame Butterfly, is it, because I have a whole problem with opera. GILES: (offscreen) All right, everyone! (Buffy looks excited. Sound of Giles clapping hands for attention) Pay attention! (Everyone gathers around Giles) In just a few moments that curtain is going to open on our very first production. Now, everyone that Willow's ever met ... is out in that audience, including all of us. That means we have to be perfect. (Shot of Willow looking upset) Stay in character, (Willow sees something hairy behind a prop. She stares) remember your lines, and energy energy energy, especially in the musical numbers! (Shot of Buffy looking really excited.) WILLOW: (whispering) Did anyone see that? GILES: Acting is not about behaving, it's about hiding. The audience wants to find you, (We see Harmony behind him, wearing vampire face, grabbing his shoulders and trying to bite him) strip you naked, and eat you alive, so hide. (to Harmony) Stop that. (She stops) GILES: Now, costumes, sets, um, the things that you, uh, you know, uh, you, um... (Shot from above. We see the cast gathered, Harmony still jumping up behind Giles trying to bite him) you hold them, you touch them, uh, use them, um... HARMONY: Props? GILES: No. RILEY: Props? GILES: Yes! (Points at Riley) It's all about subterfuge. (To Harmony) That's very annoying. (To everyone) Now go on out there, lie like dogs, and have a wonderful time. (Shot of Riley looking excited) Now, if we can stay in focus, keep our heads, and if Willow can stop stepping on everyone's cues, (shot of Willow looking anxious) I know this'll be the best production of "Death of a Salesman" we've ever done. (To Harmony) Stop it. (Loudly) Good luck everyone! Break a leg! (Pushes through them and leaves) (Excited chatter. Willow frowns.) (Sound fades out. We still see the costumed students chattering and moving around, but it's silent. Willow walks through the crowd looking confused. To the side, in the darkness, she sees a bald man wearing glasses.) BALD MAN: (whispers) I've made a little space for the cheese slices. (He shows her a table with slices of American cheese laid neatly in a row.) (Willow frowns. Eerie music starts up. Willow walks past a curtain. She's in a narrow tunnel made of red stage curtains on either side. She walks slowly through it. Creepy music. It's dark. Then Willow walks into a beam of light, and Tara is there.) TARA: Things aren't going very well. WILLOW: (agitated) No! This drama class is just ... I think they're really not doing things in the proper way, and now I'm in a play and my whole family's out there, and ... why is there a cowboy in "Death of a Salesman" anyway? TARA: (frowns) You don't understand yet, do you? (Willow frowns, looks around.) WILLOW: (whispers) Is there something following me? (Tara nods.) TARA: Yes. WILLOW: Well, what, uh, what should I do? The, the play's gonna start soon, and I don't even know my lines. TARA: The play's already started. That's not the point. (Willow looks alarmed) (Cut to the stage. Riley on the left with hands on his belt. In the middle, Harmony wearing a yoke with buckets on either end. On the right, Buffy reclining seductively on a sofa.) RILEY: (swaggers forward, pushes up cowboy hat) Why, hello, little lady. Can I hold those milk pails for you? (Laughter from audience) HARMONY: Why thank you, but they're not very heavy. (Overacting) Why have you come to our lonely small town, which has no post office and very few exports? RILEY: I've come looking for a man. (Looks directly into camera) A *sales*man. (Cut to Willow looking anxious.) TARA: (offscreen) Everyone's starting to wonder about you. The real you. If they find out, they'll punish you, I ... I can't help you with that. WILLOW: Well, what should I ... what's after me? Is it something I-I was supposed to do? W-was I supposed to- TARA: Shh. (Looking around) (Willow looks around. Hears a buzzing noise.) WILLOW: (whispers) What was that? (Tara looks worried.) (Cut to stage. Riley in the foreground facing the audience. Buffy in the middle ground facing Riley. Harmony in the background, sitting on the sofa, crying.) BUFFY: (with contempt) But what else could I expect from a bunch of low-rent, no-account hoodlums like you? Hoodlums, yes, I mean you and your friends, your whole s*x, throw 'em in the sea for all I care, throw 'em in and wait for the bubbles, men with your groping and spitting all groin no brain three billion of you passing around the same worn-out urge. Men! With your ... sales! (She says all this in one breath without pause or inflection. Harmony sobs throughout and Riley stands expressionless.) (Cut to Willow looking over her shoulder. She turns back and Tara is gone.) WILLOW: (looking scared, whispers) Tara? Tara, okay, this really isn't fu- (A stake or dagger slashes through the curtain right by her face. She gasps, turns away. A hand covered in rags reaches out of the other curtain, tries to grab her. She's knocked to the floor. She screams and covers her head with her hands. Another hand reaches for her.) BUFFY: Will! (Buffy leaning through the curtains to grab her.) WILLOW: Buffy! Oh god. BUFFY: Come on. (Helps her up and through the curtain. They're in a Sunnydale High classroom.) BUFFY: Stay low. (They crouch down and creep between the desks) What did it look like? WILLOW: I don't know. I-I don't know what's after me. BUFFY: Well, you must have *done* something. (Frowning in disapproval) WILLOW: No. I never do anything. I'm very seldom naughty. I, I just came to class, and, and the play was starting. BUFFY: (straightens up) Play is long over. (Stares at Willow) Why are you still in costume? WILLOW: Okay, still having to explain wherein this is just my outfit. (Gesturing to her clothes) BUFFY: Willow, everybody already knows. Take it off. WILLOW: No. No. (Looks around nervously) I need it. (Buffy rolls her eyes.) BUFFY: Oh, for god's sake, just take it off. (Spins Willow around and rips her clothes off.) BUFFY: That's better. It's much more realistic. (Suddenly all the desks have students in them. Buffy turns and goes to take her seat.) HARMONY: See? Isn't everybody very clear on this now? (We see Anya sitting next to Harmony, giggling. The whole class is giggling.) (Shot of Willow in her nerdy schoolgirl outfit and long straight hair from BTVS first season. Holding some paper.) ANYA: My god, it's like a tragedy. (Shot of Buffy looking at Willow.) OZ: (to Tara) I tried to warn you. (Gives Willow a disgusted look) ANYA: (still giggling) It's exactly like a Greek tragedy. There should only be Greeks. (Willow looks around the room nervously, looks down at her paper.) WILLOW: (licks lips) My book report. This summer I, I read "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe." XANDER: (loudly, to ceiling) Oh, who cares? (Willow looks hurt. Sound of giggling. Shot of Oz nuzzling Tara's cheek while she giggles.) WILLOW: This book ha-has many themes... (Something bursts onscreen and knocks Willow down. She screams.) (Shot of Buffy putting her head down on her arms on the desk, looking bored. Sound of Willow screaming and the attacker growling.) WILLOW: Help! Help me! (Shot of Xander looking bored.) (Shot of Oz and Tara giving each other conspiratorial smiles.) WILLOW: Help me! (Growling noise continues as Willow struggles. The creature/person attacking Willow has dark skin and long matted dark hair, and is wrapped in rags. It bends as if to bite her neck. Closeup of Willow's face with the dark hair half-obscuring it. Her eyes widen. The skin on her face wrinkles and her eyes cloud.) (Cut to the real Willow on the couch, asleep, still covered with the red blanket, twitching and making noises as if choking.) Commercial. (Willow still twitching and gasping for air. Pan down to Xander who suddenly sits up.) XANDER: I'm awake. I'm good. Did I miss anything? (Looks at Willow, who's still asleep and twitching) GILES: (eating popcorn) Not very much at all really. BUFFY: (eating popcorn) Bunch of massacring. (Xander looks at TV, raises eyebrows.) (On TV, a soldier carrying a gun walks through a forest.) TV SOLDIER: We gotta keep going, men. (Panting) We gotta take that hill. (Xander looks interested) Damn this war! GILES: I have to say, I really feel that "Apocalypse Now" is overrated. XANDER: No, no. (Points at screen) It gets better. TV SOLDIER: Men... XANDER: I remember that it gets better. TV SOLDIER: Oh my god. What's happened to my men? Ahhh! (Buffy looks bored.) BUFFY: Want some corn? (Holds out bowl to Xander) XANDER: (turns head) Butter flavor? BUFFY: New car smell. XANDER: Cool. (Leans across Willow to take a handful) What's her deal? (indicating Willow) BUFFY: Big faker. GILES: (still looking at TV) Oh, I'm beginning to understand this now. It's all about the journey, isn't it? (Xander rolls his eyes.) XANDER: Well, thanks for making me have to pee. (Gets up) BUFFY: You don't need any help with that, right? XANDER: (heading for stairs) Got a system. (Xander climbs the stairs. He emerges in the upper hallway. Joyce appears behind him, wearing a revealing red nightie.) JOYCE: Hey. (Xander turns.) XANDER: Hey Joyce. Mrs. Summers. (Takes a step closer) We're not making too much noise down there, are we? JOYCE: Oh, no. Anyway, they all left a while ago. XANDER: Oh, I should probably go catch up. JOYCE: (grins) I've heard that before. XANDER: I move pretty fast. You know, a man's always after- JOYCE: Conquest? XANDER: (shrugs) I'm a conquistador. (Pan across Joyce's breasts.) JOYCE: (we see her face and hear her voice, but her lips aren't moving) You sure it isn't comfort? XANDER: I'm a comfortador also. JOYCE: (leans seductively against the door frame) I do know the difference. I've learned about boys. XANDER: That's cool about you. (Shot of Joyce giving him a seductive look.) (Shot of Xander staring at her.) JOYCE: (offscreen) It's very late. (Shot of Joyce. Again we hear her voice although her lips don't move) JOYCE: Would you like to rest for a while? (Pan over to her bed with the covers turned down. Xander looks from it to her.) XANDER: Um, yeah. (Confidently) I'd like you. I'm just ... gonna go to the bathroom first. JOYCE: Don't get lost. (Slinks into her room.) (Xander enters the bathroom, closes the door, lifts the toilet lid, unzips his pants. Suddenly he looks over and sees a lab full of a whole bunch of Initiative people watching him: scientists in white coats in the foreground, writing on clipboards, soldiers in the background wearing fatigues. Xander raises his eyebrows, zips his pants back up.) XANDER: Okay, I'm gonna find another bathroom. (Opens the door and leaves, still watching them over his shoulder. Crosses the hall and goes through the opposite door. Now he's in his basement, dark. The door at the top of the stairs is closed, doorknob rattling ominously.) XANDER: (loudly) I didn't *order* any vampires. (Knob rattles louder and louder. Then we hear pounding on the door.) XANDER: (nervous) That's not the way out. (Backing away) (Cut to a playground, daylight. Giles and Spike are swinging on swings, both dressed in Giles-type tweeds. Buffy playing in the sandbox.) (Xander walks up.) XANDER: Hey, there you are. BUFFY: (putting sand in pail with plastic shovel) Are you sure it's us you were looking for? (Giles smiles at her.) SPIKE: Giles here is gonna teach me to be a Watcher. Says I got the stuff. GILES: Spike's like a son to me. (They both smile and continue swinging) XANDER: That's good. I was into that for a while, but... (nods toward the street) I got other stuff goin' on. (Long shot of the ice-cream truck surrounded by kids.) (Closer shot of Xander in the truck, wearing his striped shirt and hat, serving ice cream to kids.) XANDER: (in playground) You gotta have something. (Looks at Buffy) Gotta be with movin' forward. BUFFY: (like a proud little kid) Like a shark. XANDER: Like a shark with feet and ... much less fins. SPIKE: (like a proud little kid) And on land! GILES: Very good! (They keep swinging.) XANDER: Buffy, are you sure you wanna play there? (Buffy gives him a pouty look like a little kid told not to do something.) XANDER: It's a pretty big sandbox. BUFFY: I'm okay. (Suddenly we see her against the backdrop of the desert from Willow's dream. Rocks, sand, scraggly trees) It's not coming for me yet. XANDER: I just mean ... you can't protect yourself from ... some stuff. (Buffy looks directly at him. The playground backdrop is back.) BUFFY: I'm way ahead of you, big brother. XANDER: Brother? (Buffy looks at him expressionless. Soft music: a woman vocalizing without words.) (Spike and Giles swinging higher and higher.) GILES: Go on, put your back into it! A Watcher scoffs at gravity. (They continue swinging. Woman continues humming.) (Shot of Buffy still expressionless.) (Shot of Xander squinting at her.) (Shot of the other Xander in the truck, watching them.) (Shot of the four of them from the truck-Xander's perspective.) (Truck-Xander pulls back from the window, goes to the wheel, although the truck is already in motion: tree-lined streets going by. Anya is sitting in the passenger seat doing something with her hands.) (Xander sits in the driver's seat. Anya looks at him.) ANYA: Do you know where you're going? (Xander looks at her, surprised.) ANYA: I've been thinking about getting back into vengeance. (We see her playing with a lollipop in its wrapper.) (Xander takes his striped hat off, puts it on the dashboard.) XANDER: Is that right? ANYA: Well, you know how I miss it. I'm so at loose ends since I quit. I think this is going to be a very big year for vengeance. XANDER: But ... isn't vengeance kind of ... vengeful? ANYA: (petulant) You don't want me to have a hobby. XANDER: Not a vengeance hobby, no! It's dangerous. People can't do anything they want. Society has rules, and borders, and an end zone. It doesn't matter if- (He hears giggling, turns.) (We see Willow and Tara in the back of the truck, snuggling and nuzzling. Both wearing exaggerated eye makeup.) XANDER: Do you mind? I'm talking to my demon. (Shot of Willow in a very short black bustier, Tara in a short black skirt and very revealing white blouse. Tara has one leg bent and Willow's hand is on her thigh. Both have heavy black eye makeup and thick red lipstick.) WILLOW: Sorry. (Xander stares at them. Both girls smile seductively at him. We hear Tara's voice although her lips don't move.) TARA: We just think you're really interesting. XANDER: Oh, I-I'm going places. WILLOW: I'm way ahead of you. (Caressing Tara's leg.) (Closeup of Willow and Tara grinning at each other, nuzzling. Willow whispers in Tara's ear. They both giggle.) (Pan down to Willow's hand stroking Tara's thigh.) XANDER: (riveted) Is that right? (They look at him.) WILLOW: Watch this. (Willow puts her hand on Tara's waist. Tara puts her hand on Willow's shoulder. They lean toward each other.) (Shot of Xander's wide-eyed face. We hear kissing noises and soft moans. Extended shot of Xander staring.) TARA: Do you wanna come in the back with us? (Xander stares open-mouthed.) ANYA: Oh, go on. (Xander stares at her. Sexy music starts.) XANDER: I don't have to. ANYA: I'll be fine. I think I've figured out how to steer by gesturing emphatically. (Xander looks at the road, looks at Anya, looks back. Gets up.) (Shot of Anya gesturing emphatically at the road.) (Xander walks past the ice-cream-selling window in the side of the truck. Outside, we see more tree-lined streets rushing by. The girls are gone.) (Xander walks to the back of the truck, climbs up onto a loft-like thing, past a big pile of newspapers and other random debris. He shoves a cooler out of the way, falls down onto the floor in his basement. Looks around, exasperated.) XANDER: Girls? (The upstairs doorknob begins rattling again. Xander walks forward nervously. Suddenly there's pounding on the door too. He looks up, scared.) XANDER: (yells) I know what's up there! (Pounding continues. He backs away, turns, sees the bald man holding up a plate of cheese slices.) BALD MAN: These ... will not protect you. (More pounding, growling. Xander goes past the bald man and out the back door.) (Xander is in the Sunnydale High hallways, but the colors are all weird. Everything's purple and green. Weird noises like microphone feedback. Xander pushes his way past students talking in the halls. Looking over his shoulder, he can maybe see something through the other students' legs, chasing him.) XANDER: Giles. (Giles is leaning against a wall, dressed casually, holding an apple.) GILES: Xander, what are you doing here? XANDER: What's after me? GILES: It's because of what we did, I know that. (Takes a bite of the apple) XANDER: (shakes his head in confusion) What we did? GILES: Hm. Now, the others have gone on ahead. (Points down the hall.) Now, listen very carefully. Your life may depend on what I'm about to tell you. You need- (Giles' voice changes to a man speaking French. Sounds like the voice on a tape in a beginning language class. Giles continues talking and gesturing, but what we hear is the French.) GILES: (French) XANDER: What? Go where? I don't understand. GILES: (?) Ce n'est pas le temps pour des jeux. [This is not the time for games.] (Anya approaches.) ANYA: Xander. (Fake French woman's voice) Il faut que tu viens avec nous maintenant. On t'attends. [You have to come with us now. They're waiting for you.] GILES: C'est que j'ai vous dire. [That's what I said.] XANDER: Honey, I don't... I can't hear you. (Anya takes his hand.) ANYA: C'est pas importante. Je t'escorte. [It's not important. I'll take you.] GILES: Allons-y la. [Let's go.] (Giles also takes Xander's hand, trying to pull him down the hall. A random guy goes by on a skateboard, pushes Xander down the hall) XANDER: W-wait! Where we going? Where? (Looks over his shoulder as they pull/push him down the hall. Struggles.) Hey! (People in the crowd pick him up. In the crowd we can still see Giles with the apple in his mouth.) Let go! Hey! (The final "Hey" echoes.) (Fade to Xander in green army fatigues, hands cuffed behind his back, moving through a forest. Asian-type music. Another guy in fatigues, holding a gun, is guarding him. An image of Xander's face is overlaid over the left half of the screen.) (Fade to a dark room lit with red lights. Soldiers bring Xander in and he kneels. There's a cot at the right with a person on it.) MALE VOICE: Where are you from, Harris? XANDER: Well, the basement, mostly. MALE VOICE: Were you born there? (Camera moving toward the person on the cot.) (Shot of Xander looking toward the cot, a soldier guarding him in the background. Xander nods.) XANDER: Possibly. VOICE: I walked by your guidance counselor's office one time. (The person sits up partway and we see it's Principal Snyder, with a towel around his neck.) SNYDER: A bunch of you were sitting there ... waiting to be shepherded. (Xander looks confused, alarmed.) SNYDER: I remember it smelled like dead flowers. Like decay. Then it hit me. The hope of our nation's future is a bunch of mulch. XANDER: You know, I never got the chance to tell you how glad I was you were eaten by a snake. (Suddenly gets an "I shouldn't have said that" look on his face) (Snyder sits up slowly. His face is all sweaty.) SNYDER: Where are you heading? XANDER: (shrugs uncertainly) Well, I'm supposed to meet Tara and Willow. (Shot of hands lifting a wooden bowl.) XANDER: And possibly Buffy's mom. (Snyder's hands lifting water from the bowl and pouring it over his bald head.) SNYDER: Your time is running out. XANDER: No, I'm just trying to get away. There's ... something I can't fight. SNYDER: Are you a soldier? XANDER: (shakes head) I'm a comfortador. (Snyder leans forward so his face is illuminated.) SNYDER: (contemptuous) You're neither. You're a whipping boy. Raised by mongrels and set on a sacrificial stone. XANDER: (nods) I'm getting a cramp. (He stands, looks around. He's somewhere else. Around a corner we see the same dark-haired person/creature that previously attacked Willow. It's crawling or crouching behind a trellis. It growls. Xander backs away. We see he's in the courtyard outside Giles' apartment. He runs to Giles' door, opens it, enters.) XANDER: Giles, it's here! GILES: It's more serious than we thought. (We see Giles and Buffy and Anya looking at Willow, who's in a chair still gasping and choking. They all ignore Xander. We hear what sounds like helicopter noises.) XANDER: Giles! BUFFY: I can fight anything. Right? ANYA: Maybe we should slap her. (Xander runs past them, down the hall that should lead to Giles' kitchen, but instead he comes out in Buffy's dorm. Students walking around, chattering. Harsh, jangly rock music with the helicopter noise as the percussion. Xander goes through the hallways and into Buffy and Willow's room.) XANDER: Buffy? (Hears growling behind him. He yanks open the closet door and goes in. Fights his way past the clothes and is in a dark room, horizontal-striped light like it's coming through Venetian blinds. He runs through dark brick-lined hall, comes out in his basement again. Stops, looks around. The music slowly fades out. There's still pounding on the upstairs door and the knob rattling. He goes toward it, up a couple of stairs, shaking his head.) XANDER: (whispers) That's not the way out. (The door bursts open. Xander looks down at himself, then back up the stairs.) VOICE: What the hell is wrong with you? (Xander looks chastised.) (We see a man silhouetted in the doorway above. It's Xander's dad.) DAD: You won't come upstairs? What are you ... ashamed of us? Your mother's crying her guts out! XANDER: You don't understand. DAD: No. You don't understand. (Starts down the stairs, stomping angrily) The line ends here with us, and you're not gonna change that. (Xander looking down, unable to look at his dad.) DAD: You haven't got the heart. (Suddenly Dad shoves his hand into Xander's chest. Xander looks down. The hand is covered with rags. He looks up, scared. We get a brief glimpse of a pair of feral eyes surrounded by dark stringy hair. Grey skin. The person growls.) (The hand pulls Xander's heart out of his chest.) (Cut to the real Xander writhing and gasping in his sleep on the floor. Pan across to Giles sleeping in the chair. Zoom in on Giles' face.) Commercial. [SCENE_BREAK] (A pocket watch on a chain, swinging back and forth in front of a chest wearing Giles' tweedy conservative clothes.) GILES VOICEOVER: You have to stop thinking. (Fade to Buffy's face, looking pleased. The reflection of the watch moves across her face.) GILES VOICEOVER: Let it wash over you. BUFFY: Don't you think it's a little old-fashioned? GILES: This is the way women and men have behaved since the beginning... (We see Giles' apartment, with no furniture except one chair, which Buffy is sitting on. Giles stands in front of her with the pocket watch.) GILES: ...before time. Now look into the light. (Shot of the watch swinging.) (Shot of Buffy's face. Suddenly she bursts out laughing.) (Cut to a park at night. A hedge cut into the shape of an elephant, covered with Christmas-lights. People walking around. We hear a circus huckster calling out.) (Buffy wearing overalls and pigtails, pulling Giles by the hand.) BUFFY: Come on! Come on! (We see Olivia walking beside Giles, pushing a baby carriage. But there's no baby in it.) BUFFY: We're gonna miss all the good stuff. OLIVIA: Does she always want to train this badly? GILES: Well, it appears she's never heard the fable about patience. (Buffy pulls them through crowds of people. Carnival booths, colorful lights. OLIVIA: Which one is that? GILES: The, the one about the fox, and the, uh, less patient fox. BUFFY: (stops in front of a game booth) Here, I want to, I want to! (Jumping up and down) GILES: Yes, go ahead. BUFFY: (turns to the booth. There's a big coffin with a fake-looking vampire standing behind it.) VAMP: (bouncing) I am a vampire! (Buffy throws a yellow ball at it, misses by a mile.) GILES: (exasperated) Buffy, you have a sacred birthright to protect mankind. (Buffy turns to look at him, pouting) Don't stick out your elbow. (Olivia sighs) (Buffy looks chastised. She picks up another ball.) VAMP: (bouncing) I am a vampire! (Buffy throws, hits it right in the chest. It falls backward.) VAMP: Ahh, you staked me! (Buffy spins around, grinning with delight. Giles looks unimpressed.) GILES: I haven't got any treats. OLIVIA: For god's sake, Rupert, go easy on the girl. (Smiling) (Buffy turns to get some cotton candy) GILES: (to Olivia) This is my business. Blood of the lamb and all that. (Looks at Buffy) Oh, now you're gonna get that all over your face. (Buffy turns. Her face is covered in mud. The color changes as if a negative were inverted.) (The color goes back to normal. Giles frowns in confusion. His face goes blurry.) GILES: I know you. (echoing) SPIKE: (offscreen) Hey! (Giles turns, sees Spike standing near the entrance to his crypt.) SPIKE: Come on! (Gesturing) You're gonna miss everything! (Turns and goes into the crypt.) Cut to Giles entering the crypt. Crying noises. Candles are lit all around.) GILES: Don't push me around. You know I have a great deal to do. (We see Olivia sitting on a coffin next to the baby carriage, which is lying on its side. She's crying.) (Black & white shot of a bunch of people with cameras, and Spike looking past them at Giles.) SPIKE: I've hired myself out as an attraction. (Strikes a threatening pose. The people ooh and ahh, camera flashes going off.) (Color shot: Giles staring at Spike, Olivia still crying in the background.) GILES: Sideshow freak? (B&W shot: Spike flips up the collar of his coat.) SPIKE: Well, at least it's showbiz. (Poses again. More oohs and camera flashes from the crowd.) (Color: Giles moves forward, looks in confusion at Olivia, back in Spike's direction.) GILES: (very confused) What am I supposed to do with all of this? SPIKE: (offscreen) You gotta make up your mind, Rupes. (B&W shot of Spike.) SPIKE: What are you wasting your time for? (Pose, flashbulbs) (Color: Giles turning to look at Spike again.) (B&W shot of Spike.) SPIKE: Haven't you figured it all out yet, with your enormous squishy frontal lobes? (Another pose, more oohs, flashbulbs) (Color: Giles walking across the crypt.) GILES: I still think Buffy should have killed you. (B&W: Spike looks annoyed. He strikes a Jesus-on-the-cross pose. Very loud oohs, cameras flashing.) (Color: Giles walking through crypt. The bald man stops him.) BALD MAN: I wear the cheese. It does not wear me. (He has cheese slices on his head and shoulders. He slides past Giles.) GILES: Honestly, you meet the most appalling sorts of people. (He walks on. In the background we see Spike still in Jesus pose, more flashbulbs going off.) (Giles goes through a door and is in the Bronze. Young people talking, laughing, drinking. The stage is lit, but there's no band, and we hear no music. Giles walks over to a couch where Willow and Xander are sitting looking at old magic books. Giles is suddenly holding a book.) GILES: I'm so sorry I'm late. There's a great deal going on. And all at once! (Goes to sit on a chair opposite them.) (Willow nods.) WILLOW: Don't we know it. Only at death's door over here, look at Xander! (She pulls back Xander's jacket to show his ripped T-shirt and the bloody stain on his chest from having his heart pulled out.) XANDER: Got the sucking chest wound swingin'. (Points at it, then at the stage) I promised Anya I'd be there for her big night. (Giles looks at the stage) Now I'll probably be pushing up daisies, in the sense of being in the ground underneath them and fertilizing the soil with decomposition. (Shot of Giles' face in the foreground. In the background, we see Anya standing on stage in front of the mike, holding some papers.) ANYA: Okay. A man ... walks into the office of a doctor. (Willow and Xander go back to their books) He's wearing on his head, um... (Cut to Anya looking at her papers) ANYA: Wait, there's, there's a, there's a duck. Is that right? MAN IN CROWD: You suck! ANYA: Quiet! You'll miss the humorous conclusion. GILES: She's doing quite well. WILLOW: Do you know this is your fault? (While Giles talks, we still see Anya in the background telling her joke.) GILES: We have to think of the facts, Willow. I'm very busy. I have a gig myself, you know. WILLOW: (sighs) Something's after us. It's, uh, like some primal ... some animal force. (In the background we see Anya doing a funny walk.) GILES: That used to be us. XANDER: Don't get linear on me now, man. ANYA: And ... then the duck tells the doctor that there's a man, that's attached to my ass. (Crowd laughs) (Xander laughs) ANYA: See, it was the duck, and not the man that spoke. (Smiles proudly. Applause) (Xander applauds. Willow is still looking at her book. Anya turns and leaves the stage.) WILLOW: Rupert. (Giles turns to look at her) You've gotta focus. You must have some kind of explanation. If we don't know what we're fighting, I don't think we stand a chance. (Giles frowns, begins to sing.) GILES: (sings) It's strange, it's not like anything we've faced before. (He gets up. Suddenly there's a piano player and a guitarist onstage, accompanying Giles' song. People applaud as Giles walks toward the stage.) GILES: (sings) It seems familiar somehow. Of course! (Drums start up. Giles grabs the mike. We see there's both a guitar and a bass player. People cheer enthusiastically.) GILES: (sings) The spell we cast with Buffy Must have released Some primal evil that's come back seeking (removes glasses) I'm not sure what Willow, look through the chronicles (Willow nods, reaches for another book) For some reference To a warrior beast (He puts his glasses on, grabs the mike again. More excited cheering as the music swells.) GILES: (sings) I've got to warn Buffy There's every chance she might be next Xander, help Willow (someone sings harmony on this line) (Shot of Willow and Xander holding up cigarette lighters while reading the books.) GILES: (sings) And try not to bleed on my couch I've just had it steam-cleaned. (music slows) (Shot of people in the audience smiling, swaying, holding up lighters) GILES: (sings) No, wait... (Loud feedback. The mike goes dead and the band stops playing. Giles looks confused. He gets down on his knees and starts following the microphone cord backstage. He traces it to a big pile of tangled cord, digs in it and pulls out his pocket watch on its chain.) GILES: Well, that was ... obvious. (We see the dark-haired creature braced on the wall above him, holding a weapon.) GILES: I know who you are. (Another shot of the creature. Its weapon looks like a stake.) GILES: And I can defeat you ... with my intellect. (We see the creature approaching from behind) I ... can cripple you with my thoughts. (It grabs his hair, puts a weapon against his forehead) Of course, you underestimate me. You couldn't know. (Closeup of Giles' face with blood dripping down from his forehead. We hear his voice but his lips don't move.) GILES: You never had a Watcher. (Cut to the real Giles sleeping on the chair, twitching, dropping his glasses on the floor.) Commercial. (Fade in on Buffy sleeping on the sofa, covered with a green blanket. We see that she still has the cut on her forehead that she got in "The Yoko Factor.") ANYA: (whispers offscreen) Buffy! Wake up!) (Buffy opens her eyes. She's lying on her bed in the dorm room, on her side, facing Willow's bed. The cut on her forehead is gone. She frowns.) (Shot of Anya lying in Willow's bed, under the covers.) ANYA: (whispers) Buffy, you have to wake up right away! BUFFY: I'm not really in charge of these things. (Closes eyes) ANYA: (anxious) Please wake up. Oh please. BUFFY: (opens eyes) I need my beauty sleep. So stop it, okay? (Rolls over onto her back) (The creature is hanging from the ceiling above her. It snarls at her.) (Cut to Buffy in her bed in Joyce's house, sitting up startled. The covers are rumpled around her. She lies back.) (Cut to Buffy standing in the doorway of the bedroom, looking at the bed.) BUFFY: Faith and I just made that bed. (Shot of the bed, still rumpled but now without Buffy in it.) TARA: (offscreen) For who? (Buffy frowns, looks to her left.) BUFFY: I thought you were here to tell me. (Shot of Tara with her hair up, facing Buffy.) BUFFY: (looking back at bed) The guys aren't here, are they? We were gonna hang out (looks at Tara) and, watch movies t- TARA: You lost them. BUFFY: No. (Looks confused) No. I think they need me to find them. (Shot of the digital alarm clock next to the bed, showing 7:30 AM.) BUFFY: (upset) It's so late. TARA: Oh ... that clock's completely wrong. Here. (Shot of Tara's hands holding out the Tarot card "Manus" (the hands). It has a picture of two hands crossed, one open, the other balled into a fist.) BUFFY: I'm never gonna use those. (Buffy's face in profile. Tara's face out of focus in background.) TARA: You think you know ... what's to come ... what you are. You haven't even begun. (Shot of the bed, now neatly made.) (Buffy frowns.) BUFFY: I think I need to go find the others. (She leaves.) TARA (softly) Be back before dawn. (Fade to a school hallway. Can't tell if it's Sunnydale High or the college. It seems to have elements of both. Buffy walks through the halls wearing a flowered dress. She speaks to a random guy walking past.) BUFFY: Have you seen my friends? (He shakes his head and walks on) They wouldn't just disappear. (She looks around, walks down the halls. We see a row of lockers. Suddenly Buffy notices a hole in the wall. The plaster is torn back, revealing a layer of bricks with a face-sized hole. She walks over to it.) BUFFY: Mom? (Joyce's face appears in the hole.) JOYCE: Oh, hi, honey. BUFFY: Why are you living in the walls? JOYCE: Oh, sweetie, no, I'm fine here. Don't worry about me. (Buffy frowns, tries to see inside the hole.) BUFFY: It looks dirty. JOYCE: Well, it seems that way to you. (Smiling) I made some lemonade, and I'm learning how to play mah-jongg. You go find your friends. BUFFY: I, I think they might be in danger. (Joyce starts to laugh. Buffy looks confused.) JOYCE: I-I'm sorry, dear. (Giggling) Um, a mouse is playing with my knees. BUFFY: I, I really don't think you should live in there. (Suddenly she looks over and sees Xander climbing up some stairs. Looks like the stairs leading to the library in UC Sunnydale.) JOYCE: Well ... you could ... probably break through the wall. (Buffy walks toward stairs. Joyce watches her go) (Shot of Buffy's feet, wearing sandals, walking slowly down a hall.) (Shot of two men sitting at a conference table, facing each other, in a room with high ceilings and plain gray walls. On the left wall is a big map of the world. On the right, a row of cabinets. There are two empty chairs. In the foreground we still see Buffy's feet.) (Man on the left speaks. It's Riley.) RILEY: Hey there, killer. BUFFY: (offscreen) Riley? You're back. RILEY: I never left. (Buffy's feet walk closer, as does the camera angle.) BUFFY: (offscreen) But how did the debriefing go? RILEY: I told you not to worry about that. It went great. They made me surgeon general. (Shot of Buffy looking surprised.) BUFFY: Why didn't you come and tell me? We could have celebrated. (Shot of Riley sitting in the chair, wearing a suit.) RILEY: Oh. (Looks at the other man ) We're drawing up a plan for world domination. (Looks back at Buffy, pleased.) The key element? Coffeemakers that think. (Buffy frowns.) BUFFY: World domination? I-is that a good? RILEY: Baby, we're the government. (He swings around in his chair to strike a James Bond-like pose. The camera shoots him from below, through the glass tabletop. On the table we see a handgun.) RILEY: It's what we do. OTHER GUY: She's uncomfortable with certain concepts. (He's wearing a suit too, with no jacket.) It's understandable. Aggression is a natural human tendency. (Looks at Buffy) Though you and me come by it another way. (Shot of Buffy with the dark-haired creature behind her.) BUFFY: We're not demons. OTHER GUY: Is that a fact? (Shot of Buffy. The creature is gone.) RILEY: Buffy, we've got important work here. (Same camera angle on Riley, the gun prominent in the foreground.) A lot of filing, giving things names. BUFFY: (looks at other guy) What was yours? OTHER GUY: Before Adam? (Shakes his head. Suddenly the lighting turns blue) Not a man among us can remember. (Buffy looks around at the blue lighting. In the background we see shadows moving; we hear noises like emergency doors slamming shut.) COMPUTER VOICE: The demons have escaped. Please run for your lives. ADAM: This could be trouble. (He and Riley stand) RILEY: We better make a fort. ADAM: (nodding) I'll get some pillows. (Leaves) (Buffy looks very nervous. Shadowy figures behind her seem to be moving closer. She looks down and sees her weapons bag lying at her feet. Looks up.) BUFFY: (gasping anxiously) Wait! I have weapons! She sits on the floor and opens the bag. It's full of mud. Buffy frowns, putting her hands in the mud and moving them around. Lifts her hands, covered in mud. Brings them up and smears the mud on her face. Reaches in for more, rubs it all over her face as the colors invert again like a photo-negative.) (Suddenly the color returns to normal and Buffy looks up with her "I'm gonna kick your ass" expression.) RILEY: (offscreen) Thought you were looking for your friends. Okay, killer... (Shot of Riley wearing regular civilian clothes) RILEY: ...if that's the way you want it. I guess you're on your own. (Walks off.) (Buffy's still on the floor in the gray room surrounded by blue light. Suddenly a beam of sunshine lights her. She gets up and walks off.) (Fade to Buffy's feet walking along a hallway, which turns to rippled sand like on a beach. She walks past a palm tree and is in the desert from before: rocks, scraggly bushes, sand. Again we hear the woman humming. Buffy walks down a hill. The camera zooms out and we can see more of the same landscape with mountains in the distance. A breeze ruffles her hair and dress.) BUFFY: I'm never gonna find them here. (She looks up and sees Tara far off, walking toward her. Tara has her hair up, wears a long pink skirt and matching top that exposes a lot of her stomach.) TARA VOICEOVER: Of course not. That's the reason you came. (Tara fades out and reappears closer, then this repeats. She stops walking.) (Shot of Buffy and Tara standing about thirty feet apart, facing each other with miles of desert stretching out behind them.) BUFFY VOICEOVER: You're not in my dream. TARA VOICEOVER: I was borrowed. (Shot of Tara standing with big rocks behind her. She wears a gold necklace.) TARA: Someone has to speak for her. (Shot of Buffy standing with rocks, bushes and mountains behind.) BUFFY: Let her speak for herself. (We see the dark-haired creature walking up behind her.) That's what's done in polite circles. (The creature moves around to in front of Buffy and we finally get a good look at her. It's a dark-skinned woman with dreadlocks and long sharp fingernails. Her face is painted with white or grayish paint, lines of black paint across her eyes, and she wears rags. She crouches low and walks around Buffy like a wild animal. She looks like a cavewoman.) BUFFY: Why do you follow me? (The woman shakes her head.) TARA: (offscreen) I don't. BUFFY: Where are my friends? (Shot of the woman backing away from Buffy, still crouching down low.) TARA: (offscreen) You're asking the wrong questions. BUFFY: (firmly) Make her speak. (The woman shakes her head again.) TARA: (offscreen) I have no speech. No name. I live in the action of death, the blood cry, the penetrating wound. (The woman straightens up and looks Buffy in the eye.) TARA: I am destruction. Absolute ... alone. (Buffy frowns.) BUFFY: The Slayer. (The other woman looks at her.) Tara: (offscreen) The first. (Shot of Buffy's hand, holding a bunch of Tarot-shaped cards. In the one on top we see a scene of Giles, Buffy, Willow, and Xander in Joyce's living room watching TV.) (Shot of Buffy looking at the card in her hand, with the mountains behind her.) BUFFY: I am not alone. (Shot of Tara in the background, the First Slayer in the middle ground, and Buffy's back in the foreground.) TARA: The Slayer does not walk in this world. BUFFY: I walk. (Side shot of the three of them.) BUFFY: I talk. I shop, I sneeze. I'm gonna be a fireman when the floods roll back. (Shot of the First Slayer lifting her chin in anger.) BUFFY: (offscreen) There's trees in the desert since you moved out. (The First Slayer shakes her head) And I don't sleep on a bed of bones. (Shot of Buffy's face.) BUFFY: (firmly) Now give me back my friends. (The First Slayer speaks in a very low, hoarse voice.) FIRST SLAYER: No ... friends! Just the kill. (Shot of Buffy watching her.) FIRST SLAYER: We ... are ... alone! (The bald guy leans in between Buffy and the First Slayer, holding up two slices of cheese. He grins and shakes the cheese at Buffy, then retreats offscreen.) BUFFY: That's it. I'm waking up. (The First Slayer attacks her, pushes her to the ground and tries to bash her head on it. African drum music begins.) (Buffy rolls the First Slayer off her and kicks at her. They both get up. The First Slayer punches her.) (Long shot of Buffy falling backward from the punch, slow-motion. No music.) (Music resumes and the action returns to real-time. The First Slayer tries to punch down but Buffy rolls to her feet and kicks her in the back. She kicks again but the First Slayer ducks. Buffy punches.) (Long shot of the First Slayer falling backward from the punch, slow-motion. No music. The first Slayer starts to get up.) (One last drum-beat as the action returns to real-time. The First Slayer gets up. Faceoff.) (Shot of Buffy shaking her head.) BUFFY: It's over. (Woman humming begins again. First Slayer shakes her head) We don't do this any more. (Drums begin again. The First Slayer grabs her again and they roll down a sandy hill, clutching each other and rolling over and over as the drums continue.) BUFFY VOICEOVER: Enough! (Cut to Buffy waking up on Joyce's floor. She lifts her head and looks around. Pan across Giles, Willow and Xander sleeping in their spots. Buffy groans and starts to get up.) (Growl.) (The First Slayer lands atop Buffy and starts stabbing repeatedly at the floor with her stake. Shot of Buffy lying underneath the First Slayer, rolling her eyes.) BUFFY: Are you quite finished? (First Slayer pulls her stake out of the floor.) BUFFY: It's over, okay? I'm going to ignore you, and you're going to go away. (The First Slayer pulls back and Buffy sits up, then stands.) BUFFY: You're really gonna have to get over the whole ... primal power thing. (walks toward the sofa) (Shot of the First Slayer staring at her.) BUFFY: (over her shoulder) You're *not* the source of me. (She picks up her blanket and sits back down on the sofa next to Willow. Another shot of the First Slayer staring at her.) BUFFY: Also, in terms of hair care, you really wanna say, what kind of impression am I making in the workplace? 'Cause- (Cut to the real Buffy waking up on the sofa. The cut on her forehead is back. She looks around.) (Shot of all four of them. Giles, Willow and Xander awake at the same instant. They all sit up and look at each other.) (Fade to the four of them sitting around the kitchen table.) WILLOW: The First Slayer. Wow. XANDER: Not big with the socialization. WILLOW: Or the floss. GILES: Somehow our joining with ... Buffy and ... invoking the essence of the, the Slayer's power was an affront to the source of that power. BUFFY: You know, you could have brought that up to us *before* we did it. GILES: I did. I said there could be dire consequences. BUFFY: Yes, but you say that about chewing too fast. (Joyce enters, wearing a bathrobe.) JOYCE: I'm, uh, guessing I missed some fun? WILLOW: The spirit of the first Slayer tried to kill us in our dreams. JOYCE: Oh, you want some hot chocolate? (Everyone says "yeah" or "yes please.") JOYCE: Xander? XANDER: Yes, what, Joyce? (Nervously) Uh ... Buffy's mom. JOYCE: Be my kitchen buddy again, help me carry? (Nods toward the kitchen) XANDER: Yes. Sure. (Nervously) Buffy's mom. Giles (to Buffy) You all right? BUFFY: Yeah. I think I might jump in the shower. GILES: You seem a bit, uh... BUFFY: A little. (Pensive) The First Slayer. I never really thought about it. (Sighs) It was intense. I-I guess you guys got a taste of that, huh. (Willow nods.) XANDER: Yeah, from now on, you keep your Slayer friends out of my dreams. Is that clear? (Buffy smiles.) WILLOW: It's not good for the sleepin'. (Giles shakes his head in agreement.) BUFFY: Ah... (Gets up) Well, at least you all didn't dream about that guy with the cheese. (Walks off.) (The others look up in surprise.) BUFFY: (offscreen) I don't know *where* the hell that came from. (The other three look at each other.) (Cut to Buffy emerging from the stairs into the upper hallway. Walks down the hall toward the bathroom. Frowns, turns, looks into her bedroom. Walks into the doorway, looking at her bed.) TARA VOICEOVER: You think you know ... what's to come ... what you are. You haven't even begun. (Long shot of the darkened bedroom, with Buffy framed in the doorway. She slowly backs away, turns and walks out of sight.)

Plan: A: A primordial spirit; Q: What haunts Buffy, Giles, Willow, and Xander? A: Sharon Ferguson; Q: Who played the First Slayer? Summary: A primordial spirit haunts Buffy, Giles, Willow, and Xander in their individual, cryptic nightmares involving the First Slayer (Sharon Ferguson) as a result of the magic done in the previous episode.

(Hayley is sitting on the floor, holding a thick book in her hands, reading. Klaus and Rebekah are standing nearby.) Elijah: (voiceover) August 1359. I have noticed a difference in my siblings. Our bond strains beneath the pressure of our life as vampires. Each day removes them further from the humanity we once possessed. My sweet sister, Rebekah, has grown quite indifferent to brutality. (In a flashback Rebekah can be seen, killing the vampires who attacked Hayley in the previous episode.) Elijah: (voiceover) However, the true problem remains my brother, Niklaus. (In a flashback Klaus can be seen pouring petrol over the dead vampires and burning them.) Elijah: (voiceover) He continues to hide his loneliness with cruelty. Still, I cling to the hope that I, as their eldest brother, can lead them down the correct path, a path charged with the power of a family united. For if I fail, our family's legacy will end in darkness. Rebekah: I cannot believe you disposed of those vampires without me. You know how I love to set things on fire. Klaus: Was I supposed to leave them in the front yard to rot? Besides, they were my responsibility. They attacked the helpless pregnant girl who's carrying my child. Rebekah: Oh, I am so moved by your newfound sense of fatherly duties towards the werewolf carrying your hybrid bun in her oven. (Hayley enters the room) Hayley: The werewolf would like to know what the plan is. Klaus: Well, that depends what plan you mean, love: My plan for global domination, or Rebekah's plan to find love in a cruel, cruel world. (Rebekah takes a pencil from the desk beside her and throws it in Klaus' direction. Klaus catches it easily before it can impale his face.) Hayley: The plan to rescue Elijah. You know, the good brother. The one who is now in the possession of your mortal enemy after you stabbed him in the back. Klaus: In the front, if we're being specific. Hayley: You two said that you would get him back. So is there a plan, or what? Klaus: Okay. Well, firstly, Marcel is not my mortal enemy-he's my friend, albeit one who is unaware that I'm trying to sabotage his hold over the supernatural community of the French Quarter, but a friend nonetheless. And secondly, I daggered Elijah in order to gain Marcel's trust. If I had known he would place my brother in the hands of a particularly nasty teenaged witch, I certainly would have weighed my options a bit differently. And thirdly, sister, please. Rebekah: And thirdly, the plan, as you have demanded, is for Niklaus to simply ask Marcel for Elijah back. Hayley: That's... that's not the whole plan, is it? Rebekah: Please, Klaus may be a miserable excuse for a sibling, but there is none more diabolical. Klaus: And that's only the Plan A, love. There's always a Plan B. Hayley: And what's Plan B? Klaus: War. (TITLE CARD AND OPENING CREDITS) THE ABATTOIRE (Marcel gets fitted for a suit, accompanied by Thierry.) Marcel: Damn, I do look good in a suit. (Thierry chuckles, then turns to the television, where photos of Tina McGreevy and Joshua Rosza, the tourists that Klaus turned, flash on the screen.) Thierry: My guy at the docks is gonna come forward as an eyewitness, saying he saw those two drunkenly fall into the Mississippi. They'll be dredging for weeks. No one will come looking around here. Marcel: That's good, considering one's dead in a dumpster behind the county morgue and the other one is a vampire now. Anything else? (The tailor suddenly pricks her finger on a pin.) Tailor: Ow! Marcel: Allow me, darling. (Marcel crouches down and takes her finger into his mouth, cleaning the blood off.) Thierry: One thing. I sent 4 nightwalkers to look into a werewolf sighting in the Quarter. I haven't heard from them since. Marcel: That makes 10 dead nightwalkers in the last week. You think the werewolves are back in town trying to start some trouble? Thierry: Look, I know you and Klaus are friends, but the fact is, since the Originals showed up- (Klaus arrives.) Klaus: Oh, come now, Thierry. You're not still upset about that little, toxic werewolf bite I gave you, are you? I thought we were at bygones. Thierry: (to Marcel) I see you've given him free rein of your compound now, too. Klaus: Yes. Well, seeing as my family and I lived here, built the place, in fact- Marcel: All right. Come on. You both know the drill. Thierry's my guy, inner circle. Klaus is my old-time friend and sire. He's also a guest here. Peace, all right? All right. (to Klaus) What you need, my brother? Klaus: I'm afraid my sister Rebekah is insisting I demand Elijah's return. She's quite worked up about it. Marcel: I'll say. Thierry: We're not gonna have 3 Originals walking around town, are we? Half our guys think the sister killed the nightwalkers. Klaus: Is that an accusation against an Original? Thierry: Eh. (Klaus goes storms at Thierry, who looks to be ready for a confrontation, but Marcel intercedes.) Marcel: What did I say about peace? (to Klaus) Come on. Walk with me. (Klaus smiles smugly at Thierry as Marcel steers him out of the room. They walk out along the balcony of the building.) Klaus: You inner circle man lacks a sense of humor. Marcel: He's a little overprotective, but loyal to a fault. I saved his life back in the forties, found him dying of a war wound outside a VA hospital. He'd kill for me and die for me. Plus, that boy can play the trumpet like you would not believe. Maybe I'll see if he can play a little tonight at the party. You're coming, right? Klaus: How can I miss my chance to meet the city councilman as he accepts your gigantic charitable donation? Marcel: Oh, he's a schmuck, but he lets us do our thing in exchange for certain community services, like keeping our fangs out of the locals. Listen, about your brother... I would love to help you out, but Thierry is right. My guys are on edge. They see the Original family moving in, vampires dying, it makes them nervous. If I hand Elijah back now, it might give the wrong impression about who's really in charge here. You know what I mean? Klaus: You understand I had to ask. THE FRENCH QUARTER (Rebekah walks through the Quarter, talking on her cell phone. The shots alternate between Rebekah out in the Quarter and Klaus in the cellar of the Mikaelson mansion.) Rebekah: Niklaus, for the love of Mary Magdalene, how long does it take to ask a simple question? Klaus: Much longer than you'd think, considering the answer was, as expected, "no". Marcel's man, Thierry, is suspicious. He thinks you killed 10 nightwalkers. Rebekah: Well, that's a lie. I only killed 8. Should I make Thierry the ninth? Klaus: Marcel is playing friendly. We can't kill the favorite son, or he'll catch onto us. Rebekah: So, war it is, then. Klaus: Indeed. Do you know what to do with the witch? Rebekah: I believe I do. Klaus: Good. You manage Sophie Deveraux. I'll take care of the next step. (Klaus hangs up. He turns to the vampire Joshua, who has been minding Klaus' vampire hostage.) Klaus: I ordered you to drain him of blood. What's taking so long? Joshua: Sorry. I'm not, like, medieval torture expert guy. (Klaus grabs a pitchfork and impales the vampire with it.) Joshua: What did he do to you, anyway? Klaus: It's not about what he did. It's about what he's going to do when we're done here, which is whatever I want him to, just like you. For example, drive this through his torso. (Klaus, having removed the pitchfork from the vampire, compels Joshua and hands the weapon to him. Joshua immediately obeys.) Joshua: That is crazy. I didn't want to do it, but I did it anyway. Klaus: It's called mind compulsion. Vampires can compel humans. Originals, like my siblings and I, can also compel vampires, and no one can compel Originals. You following? (Joshua nods.) Klaus: Good. That is how a brand-new nightwalker such as yourself is here doing my bidding with no one the wiser. Joshua: But I never had my guts drained out of me. Klaus: Yes. That, young Joshua, is because I got to you before you had even a drop of herbal vervain in your system. You see, it prevents compulsion. Marcel has had his whole crew taking it since I returned to town, and that is why our friend here needs to be bled dry of it, so I can compel him to follow my every command. And with my brother currently in captivity awaiting rescue, we can't afford to be gentle about it, can we? (Klaus takes back the pitchfork and runs it into the vampire, twisting it in.) THE FRENCH QUARTER - JARDIN GRIS (Rebekah waits outside the shop and turns to greet Sophie, who is approaching on the sidewalk.) Rebekah: Oh, so glad you could make it. Elijah only lies daggered and rotting whilst you dilly-dally. Sophie: You're lucky I came at all. What do you want? Rebekah: Hayley was attacked last night by Marcel's crew because somebody told him there was a werewolf in the Quarter. She only made one stop. Whoever saw her here ratted her out. Watch and learn. (Rebekah turns and walks into the shop. Sophie follows her in. Inside the shop, Katie emerges from a back room with a box, and sees Sophie.) Katie: Hey, Soph. Sophie: Hey, Katie. (Katie sees Rebekah touching an item hanging in the shop; she doesn't show sign of recognition towards Rebekah.) Katie: That's filled with marigold-great for attracting the opposite s*x. It would look awesome on you. Rebekah: I very seriously doubt that. Do you have any others, one with, say-I don't know-wolfsbane, perhaps? Katie: Wolfsbane? Why would you want that? (Rebekah vamp-runs at Katie, and holds her up by the neck.) Rebekah: Please no not play dumb with me. (Rebekah slams her down on a table.) Sophie: Rebekah! Katie: I just sold a werewolf some herbs. That's all. Rebekah: Are you lying to me, Katie? I suggest you answer my question honestly. Katie: (choking) Sophie- Sophie: Just answer the question, Katie, please. Katie: Yes. I told someone, but you don't understand. I-I love him. (Rebekah throws Katie down onto the floor violently. She places the heel of her stiletto directly over Katie's throat threateningly.) Rebekah: And tell me, who is this vampire Romeo of yours? Shall I count to 3? MIKAELSON MANSION - CELLAR (Klaus pulls the pitchfork out of the vampire and hands it to Joshua.) Klaus: Be quick about it. I have an army to build, and one compelled minion does not an army make. (Klaus answers his phone, which has been buzzing. The shots alternate between Klaus in the cellar and Rebekah in the Quarter.) Klaus: Well? Rebekah: You were right about the traitor. Luckily, she's just a kid and she doesn't know anything about us and what we're up to. Do you want to hear the part that's gonna please you the most? Klaus: Oh, do tell. Rebekah: She's in love with someone in Marcel's inner circle. Guess who it is? Klaus: Right-hand-man type, favors silly caps? Rebekah: Two points for you. Thierry is fraternizing with the enemy. Klaus: Well, that means he just unwittingly became the key to our entire plan. Rebekah: I told you you'd be pleased. Klaus: Oh, to be young and in love in a city where witches and vampires are at war. How very tragic. MIKAELSON MANSION (Hayley eavesdrops from the hallway; Sophie, Rebekah, and Klaus are arguing behind a closed door.) Sophie: Are you out of your mind? No way. Rebekah: It's very simple. We need you to perform a teeny, tiny locator spell to help us find our brother. Sophie: Witches who practice magic in this town get caught, and they get killed. Klaus: Yes, about that. It seems you left out a crucial detail when we made our deal-Marcel's secret weapon, the way he knows when a witch is using magic. Rebekah: Girl about yay high, cute as a button, anger issues. (Sophie seems to be in shock.) Sophie: Davina? Where have you seen her? Rebekah: I don't know. The little brat erased my memory right after she threw me out a window with her bloody mind. Klaus: Let me cut to the chase. Davina has Elijah. You witches, I assume, want to get Davina away from Marcel. We don't know where she is. Ergo, we need magic. Sophie: Davina would sense it. Rebekah: Unless, of course, another witch-say, a traitor to the cause, Katie for example-was to perform much more powerful magic at the same time. That would create a smokescreen, concealing your very small spell from Davina. Sophie: Katie doesn't deserve to die. (Klaus angrily slams his hands on the table and stands up.) Klaus: Sophie Deveraux. You're in no position to be so principled. You can't win a war without a few strategic losses, no matter how regrettable they may be. How many times have the vampires been one step ahead, known something they shouldn't? Your sister, executed in the public square for practicing magic, who knew she'd be caught? Did she even attempt to flee? Sophie: She was caught hiding in a cargo hold of a freighter before it set sail down the Mississippi. Klaus: And who, pray tell, of Marcel's valued inner circle manages his business at the docks? Sophie: Katie's boyfriend, Thierry. THE ABATTOIREdit (Thierry plays his trumpet in the courtyard; Klaus and Marcel watch.) Klaus: You're right. He's good. Marcel: Right? Music man, I call him. Ladies love him, but he's spoken for. He knocks around with this pretty little witch, says he loves her, but I don't know. Klaus: Your brightest soldier is fraternizing with your enemy, and you don't care. Marcel: Well, of course I care, but Thierry is a grown man. He makes his own choices, and I get some good intel. Besides, he's not gonna do anything to jeopardize what we're doing here. I mean, check this out-a vampire hosting a ritzy charity event. We have a community here. No one's gonna mess that up. Klaus: Still... You don't want the witches to get too bold, given that a witch's tip about a werewolf in town led to the disappearance of your nightwalkers. I'm sure you've considered the possibility that it could've been a trap. Marcel: Well, maybe I'll send a little message. Thierry! Take a team of nightwalkers to the Cauldron tonight, do a little rousting... Oh, and Thierry? Make it nasty. THE FRENCH QUARTER - ROUSSEAU'S (Rebekah talks to Cami at the bar.) Rebekah: And so then I moved back here to be closer to my brothers because-let's face it-family's important, right, Camille? Cami: Cami. I have to change this name tag. Drunk guys keep hitting on me in French. You sure you haven't been in here before? Your face looks so familiar. Rebekah: You must have seen me out and about. Aren't you dating Marcel Gerard? He's a pal of mine... sort of. I heard he had a crush on the blonde bartender at Rousseau's. Cami: I would hardly call it dating. He's wooing me... sort of. I don't know. I mean, he's very charming, which probably means I should run for the hills. Rebekah: I'm kind of in an on-again/off-again thing myself at the moment. Cami: Those are the worst, aren't they? The ones you can't shake, even though you know better, and you always know better? Rebekah: I like you, Cami. Most girls have the unfortunate tendency of being whiny little twits. Cami: Thanks... I think. Rebekah: Hey, I'm supposed to go to this posh charity thing thrown by this philanthropist tonight. He's a bit of a Gatsby, throws a mean party. Any interest? (Cami smiles noncommittally, shrugging.) MIKAELSON MANSION (Klaus sits at a desk perusing some papers when his phone starts buzzing. He answers it; the shots alternate between Klaus at the mansion and Rebekah at Rousseau's.) Klaus: Little sister. Rebekah: Well, brother, I believe I've made certain Marcel will be properly distracted tonight. Klaus: Dare I ask? Rebekah: Let's just say his attention will not be on us. I did my bit. What are you doing to ensure Elijah's safe return? Klaus: Currently, I'm preparing insurance against the tender-hearted. Rebekah: Meaning? Klaus: We need proper motivation for Katie to cast a powerful spell tonight. I'm creating that motivation. Marcel has ordered a rousting of the witches. (Cut to the Cauldron, where vampires jump from the balconies causing mayhem and witches scream in response.) Klaus: And I, in turn, have arranged for things to go tragically wrong. (Cut to a flashback from earlier that day-Klaus, in the cellar with Joshua and the vampire.) Klaus: You understand what you're to do? (The vampire nods.) Good. (Back at the Cauldron, vampires continue to upturn tables and destroy things while witches scream. Thierry sneaks off through a back door into Jardin Gris. Katie sees him and runs to greet him with a hug and kiss.) Katie: Hey! What's happening out there? Thierry: Oh, it's Klaus. He's convinced Marcel that the witches are planning to make a move against him. Marcel wants us to send a message... (Thierry knocks over some shelves, looking apologetic.) Thierry: And if he thought I was playing favorites because I'm in love with a witch- Katie: Say that again. Thierry: I love you, Katie. And all this is gonna be okay, I promise. Klaus: (voiceover) Marcel may not be concerned with Thierry's romantic entanglements... (Thierry walks out of the Jardin Gris, bumping into the vampire Klaus tortured and compelled.) Thierry: I already got that one. (Thierry walks away. The vampire goes into the shop anyway. Cut to Klaus at his desk.) Klaus: But there are other crimes which he'll be less inclined to so easily forgive... (Cut to the Cauldron. Thierry hears screams from inside the Jardin Gris. He turns to see the vampire dragging Katie outside, biting her neck as she screams.) Thierry: Leave her alone! Get off! (He throws the vampire across the courtyard; the vampire smashes onto a table. Thierry runs over to him, grabs a broken table leg, and uses it to stake the vampire, killing him. The courtyard goes silent, and the other vampires circle around the scene of the crime.) Klaus: (voiceover) Killing a vampire, for example. That would be unforgivable. If Katie hopes to save her one true love from Marcel's punishment, well, a rescue mission like that will require something positively magical. But then... what's worth dying for, if not love? (At the Cauldron, Katie stares at Thierry, horrified, and Thierry himself looks like he knows the consequences will be dire.) [SCENE_BREAK] THE ABATTOIR - MASQUERADE GALA (Rebekah and Klaus enter the party, arm in arm, taking in the dark, wild atmosphere. Acrobats perform, dancers handle exotic animals, and confetti falls glittering upon the party guests.) Klaus: Well, this certainly is a fitting backdrop for tonight's events, I must say. (Rebekah and Klaus spot Cami as she enters the party, wearing white angel's wings and a vintage white beaded dress. Rebekah looks pleased, but Klaus' smile falls.) Klaus: What's she doing here? Rebekah: What better way to distract Marcel than to put his very human, new girl in a room chock full of vampires? (Rebekah crosses the courtyard to greet Cami.) Rebekah: Hello, darling. You look precious. (Marcel notices Cami's arrival from a balcony above.) Cami: This party is ridiculous, but I think I [unintelligible] with this dress. (Cami makes eye contact with Klaus, and nods at him.) Cami: Is he the infamous on-again/off-again? Klaus: He's the brother, actually, and my sister is right. You do look stunning. Cami: You clean up pretty well yourself. Klaus: Well, don't be fooled, love. I'm the devil in disguise. Rebekah: You two chit-chat. I need booze. Klaus: Shall we? Cami: Okay. (Klaus offers his arm and Cami takes it. Rebekah approaches the bar.) Rebekah: Scotch, please. (Marcel approaches Rebekah at the bar, and she sighs.) Marcel: You trying to be cute, inviting her here? Rebekah: I think she's darling. I can tell you fancy her pure heart. Perhaps I'll feed it to you. Marcel: Hmm. Jealousy looks good on you, Bekah. (Across the courtyard, Cami and Klaus talk, watching Rebekah with Marcel.) Cami: The guy of hers Rebekah was talking about... I'm sensing that would be Marcel. Klaus: I wouldn't worry about it. Ancient history. Cami: I'm beginning to think your sister is a bit of a bitch. (Klaus laughs.) Klaus: It's as though she invented the term. (Cami gazes at Klaus; he seems drawn in for a moment but catches himself, spotting Marcel getting ready to approach them.) Klaus: Listen. Pardon me for a moment. (Klaus leaves; Marcel greets Cami.) Marcel: Cami. Cami: Hey. Killer party. Marcel: Oh, it's more of a work thing. I would've invited you- Cami: Oh, no. We've been on one date. No explanation necessary. You do your thing, I'll entertain myself. Marcel: What, leave you alone, looking the way you do? Hell with that. MIKAELSON MANSION (Hayley walks around the pool outside. She hears a twig snap nearby, then walks toward the sound to see a wolf staring at her. A voice behind her startles her and she whirls around.) Sabine: You're not supposed to be out here. Hayley: Who are you? Sabine: Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm Sabine. We met. I'm one of Sophie's friends. Hayley: You're one of the witches. Sabine: Sophie just asked me to come keep you company while everyone's out. You know, it's drawn to you. (She nods at where the wolf was standing, and Hayley glances back.) Sabine: The child you're carrying is part vampire, part werewolf. You and Klaus made something special. Hayley: You sound like Elijah. He thinks this baby is going to make us one big, happy family, but now he's gone and I don't even know what... 'it' is. Sabine: You know, I can do something about that, if you want. I mean, found out if it's a boy or girl. Hayley: I thought you couldn't do witchy stuff around here. Sabine: It's not magic, just an old trick my grandmother taught me. Come on. You have to be a little curious. THE ABATTOIR - MASQUERADE GALA (Cami and Marcel dance. Rebekah and Klaus watch them.) Cami: I thought you said you were in community work. Marcel: Community fundraising. Throw a party, folks open their wallets. It's kind of my thing. Guess I'm what you call a necessary evil. Cami: And Rebekah, she's one of your donors? Marcel: She's an old friend. Cami: Can't be that old. She looks younger than me. Marcel: You'd be surprised. I was a kid when I met her. Enough about her. I just want to be right here with you. (Across the courtyard, Klaus and Rebekah have their own conversation.) Klaus: You really are a hideously evil little thing, aren't you? Rebekah: Nonsense. They're perfect for each other. You wanted Marcel distracted-voilà. (Diego enters the courtyard, and sees Marcel dancing with Cami, their faces nearing each other. Diego interrupts them and whispers in Marcel's ear.) Rebekah: (to Klaus) My cue to leave. (Marcel sees Thierry; he looks like he's barely containing his anger.) Marcel: (to Cami) Excuse me. (Marcel walks over to Thierry and grabs him by the throat, pushing him away from the main party. Cami watches, her eyebrows knitting together.) Marcel: What the hell did you do? (Diego intercedes.) Diego: Whoa, not here. No, not here. (Marcel backs off; Klaus smiles; Cami watches, disquiet paralyzing her features.) THE CEMETERY (Katie and Sophie talk inside a candlelit burial chamber. Katie is crying.) Katie: I know you think he's a monster. Sophie: It doesn't matter what I think. Thierry killed another vampire. He broke Marcel's biggest rule. You'll never see him again... unless we do something. Katie: "We"? Sophie: I want to save our people. You want to save Thierry? There's only one way we can do both. (A little while later, Katie and Sophie sit out in the cemetery, arranging items for a ritual.) Sophie: You ready? (Katie begins by sprinkling sand over their tableau. Cut to Davina's attic room, whispering voices growing louder. Davina thrashes, asleep in her bed but disturbed by the magic she can sense.) Davina: Marcel. Something's coming. (Davina rises from her bed and goes to her easel. She draws on the paper madly for several seconds, then stops.) Davina: Magic. THE ABATTOIR - MASQUERADE GALA (Marcel talks to Thierry on a balcony above the party.) Marcel: I want to hear your side of it. Thierry: Hey, Marcel, come on- Marcel: Your version. Go. Thierry: We were tossing the Cauldron. This guy, some nightwalker, he attacked Katie for no reason. Marcel: His name was Max. I turned him, and as far as reasons go, he doesn't need one. She was a witch. He was a vampire. Now he's dead. (From below, Cami watches them.) Thierry: I didn't mean for it to happen. Marcel: You broke my most important rule. Damn it, T. How long we been friends, 70 years? I turned you into something that would never die. I gave you a gift. Thierry: And I have been loyal to you all this time, and I still am. I'm still your friend, Marcel. I swear, that hasn't changed. (Cami's look of apprehension remains. Klaus joins her.) Klaus: Are you all right, love? Cami: He's got a temper, doesn't he? I guess this is the moment I remember I know better. (Cami walks away. Joshua walks up to Klaus, standing slightly behind him. Klaus reaches into his coat's inner pocket, withdraws a folded piece of paper and hands it to Joshua, who pockets it and walks away. Klaus watches the balcony as Joshua appears next to Marcel and hands him the paper.) Joshua: We found this at his girl's place. (Marcel looks at it; it appears to be a spell written out. Marcel turns back to Thierry.) Marcel: Still my friend, huh? That's funny because it looks to me like that little witch of yours got her hands on a spell that I keep locked away. Thierry: Marcel, I have never seen that. Marcel: Shut up. I see on your hand, you still have the daylight ring I gave you. So what would you need with the recipe for making new ones? Unless maybe you and Katie were gonna go off and start a little kingdom of your own? Thierry: Marcel, no. Marcel: Here's a lesson in friendship. Friends don't lie to me, they don't break my rules, and they do not steal what is mine. (Marcel turns to take a moment and breathe, then returns to Thierry.) Marcel: Ohh... For the crime of murdering one of his own, I sentence Thierry Vanchure to 100 years in the Garden. (Below, Klaus smiles.) Klaus: And it begins... (Sophie is at the cemetery, preparing her locator spell, when Rebekah appears. Sophie looks up when she hears her.) Rebekah: You're doing the right thing. It's the only way to find Elijah. Sophie: I'm doing what I have to do. (Sophie begins chanting.) (Klaus watches as more of Marcel's men lead Thierry out of the party and out onto the street, where a small crowd of more vampires watch Katie approach from down the street, chanting. Klaus watches the events unfold from a window above. The sequence is intercut with shots of Davina madly scribbling at her easel.) Thierry: Katie, no! Klaus: Like clockwork. (Katie waves her arm and a lamp's light explodes; all the vampires grab at their heads, falling down in pain. Davina's drawing appears to be Katie's face. Marcel alone rises back up to face Katie, but she smashes another light with magic and Marcel goes down again. Sophie continues to chant for her spell.) Rebekah: Hurry. (Marcel rises again, but Katie uses magic to break his bones, and he falls again shouting in pain.) Davina: NO! (In her attic room, Davina lifts her hands slowly; Marcel again rises, and Katie looks astonished.) Marcel: You're here to save your man. Well, come on, little girl! (He growls as he runs to attack Katie, but she halts him with magic, and he falls down groaning. Davina in her room falls at the same time. Katie lifts a wooden stake above Marcel.) Katie: Die, you son of a bitch. Thierry: No! Katie! Don't! (Klaus swoops in and snaps Katie's neck. She falls to the ground, dead. In the cemetery, Sophie stops her spell.) Sophie: Something's wrong. Katie's magic stopped. I can keep going. Rebekah: You can't. She'll sense it. Sophie: No. I can find Davina. I just need another moment. (Rebekah grabs the paper with black sand on top of it that Sophie was using and throws it aside.) Rebekah: You may be willing to die to get your witch back, but Hayley and the baby will die with you. Elijah will never forgive us, and rescuing him will be for nothing. It's over. We failed. (Back on the street, Thierry crawls over to Katie's body.) Thierry: No. Katie. No, no, no, no. (He sobs over her body, cradling it. Marcel catches Klaus' eye, and nods.) (Thierry stands chained to a wall in some underground room. Marcel stands across from him.) Marcel: Just tell me this. Was she worth it? Thierry: I loved her. (Marcel drives an iron stake into Thierry's gut, and he groans in pain. Another man appears, and Marcel hands him a wooden mallet.) Marcel: Seal him up... and let him rot. (The man begins to lay bricks over wet cement, clearly intending to build a wall to encase Thierry. He won't be the first; a long view down the tunnel suggests that many others have met the same fate.) (The party is over and the courtyard is deserted. Klaus and Marcel stand alone on a balcony and clink their drinks against each other. Marcel downs his.) Marcel: How much did Cami see? Klaus: She just saw an argument, mate. It's nothing you can't fix. You really like her, don't you? Marcel: I like that she's not a part of any of this. Sometimes it's good to see the world the way the humans do. Klaus: I am sorry about Thierry, you know? I can tell he was a good friend. Marcel: I made him what he was. Obviously, my trust was misplaced. Klaus: Doesn't make it easier. Marcel: You saved me tonight. I guess I owe you one. You asked for your brother back. Seems like the least I can do. (Cami drinks a pint at a bar, still wearing her gala finery. Klaus enters the place and sits next to her.) Klaus: Cami- Cami: Don't even try it. I get the bro code. You're here to smooth things over for your friend. It's very nice of you, but- Klaus: But you've been hurt before, and you aren't taking any more chances. Cami: Something like that. The guy I saw tonight-not the guy I thought he was. And if he can turn on a dime like that- Klaus: Sounds like more than just a broken heart. Someone broke your trust. Camille, the brave bartender. (Cami and Klaus stare at each other. Cami swallows, looking like she might lean in, but Klaus blinks and breaks the moment.) Klaus: I'm sorry... But I need you to give Marcel another chance. (Cami clears her throat.) Cami: Wow. I totally misread that. Klaus: No. You read it quite well, but we all have our roles to play. (compels) You went to Marcel's. You danced. You feel badly that he had a row with his friend, but otherwise, all you remember is that it was perfect. (Rebekah sits at the piano, playing a scattering of notes lazily. Klaus enters and she sits up.) Rebekah: Well, tonight was an epic failure. Klaus: On the contrary, sister. Tonight was a masterpiece. Rebekah: Are you mad? Katie died before Sophie could complete the spell. Klaus: Oh, I'm well aware. I killed Katie. Rebekah: You what? Klaus: There's no way our little suicide witch wasn't gonna try and take out Marcel with her. I saved his life, and in doing so, I now have him exactly where I want him. Rebekah: Sophie trusted you. I trusted you against all my better instincts. Klaus: Wake up, Rebekah. The witches are on no one's side but their own. This girl, Davina? That's all they want, and when they have her, what do you think happens then, a truce? Of course not. They will use Davina's power against all of us. Rebekah: Even if you're right, the plan was to find Elijah, and you've failed us. Klaus: You always did lack faith. By protecting Marcel, I've cemented his trust, so much so that he's agreed to return Elijah to us. And when the time is right, when he has told me everything I need to know about Davina, I will have her for myself. Rebekah: I have all the faith in the world that you'll get what you want, Nik. You always do, no matter what is costs the rest of us. You disgust me. (Rebekah takes a sip of bourbon, then sets it on the piano and leaves.) (Davina kneels at Elijah's open casket. She hears a door open and looks up to see Marcel enter. She runs to hug him.) Davina: You're okay! I was so worried. Marcel: Thank you. Whatever you did, I felt it. You helped me. Davina: It was the old ones, wasn't it? Marcel: Actually, Klaus is the one that saved me tonight. I'm gonna make things right, starting off by giving him his brother back. Davina: No. Marcel: What? Davina- Davina: No. You said the old ones were dangerous. I won't give him back until I know how to kill them. MIKAELSON MANSION (Hayley sits typing on a laptop at a desk, on whose top lay open a few old texts. Klaus pauses at the doorway and walks in.) Klaus: I thought you might like to know, Elijah is returning to us. Hayley: Congratulations. I guess being diabolical has its perks. Klaus: You hardly know him, and yet you miss him. What is it about my brother that always inspires such instant admiration? Hayley: He was kind to me. (Klaus takes this in. Elijah speaks in voiceover.) Elijah: (voiceover) There are moments when I doubt my family is capable of redemption... (Klaus turns to leave.) Hayley: Hey, I learned something today. I think it's a girl. (Klaus pauses in the doorway, but doesn't turn round. He smiles slowly.) Elijah: (voiceover) Yet each time that I am tempted to surrender, I see it, the glimmer of goodness that allows me to believe. THE FRENCH QUARTER (Rebekah is walking in the Quarter, still wearing her gown but her hair slightly disheveled. She sees Marcel, and turns the other way but runs into him there.) Rebekah: You're following me. (He walks toward her, backing her up against a store front.) Marcel: Maybe you're just in my way. (He walks away. Rebekah shuts her eyes.) THE CEMETERY (Katie's body lies prepared for her final rites. Sophie waves a smoking bundle of herbs over her body. Other witches, including Agnes and Sabine, stand around her.) Agnes: I told you no good would come from this unholy alliance of yours. Sophie: At least I'm doing something. What about you? (Sophie leaves.) Agnes: Sabine, tell them what you saw. Sabine: It's the girl, the wolf. FLASHBACK (Sabine swings a crystal, hanging by a string, over Hayley, who lies on the kitchen island face up.) Sabine: I think it's a girl. No... wait. Hayley: Wait what? Please tell me I'm not having a mini-Klaus. (The crystal glints in the light and Sabine drops it, gasping, her eyes rolling back in her head.) Sabine: Hoc est infantima malom. Nos omnia perditu el eam. (Flash forward to Hayley sitting at the desk with her laptop. She's entering the strange words Sabine uttered into an online translator, but is getting no results.) (END CREDITS)

Plan: A: Marcel's inner circle; Q: Who does Klaus and Rebekah try to unravel? A: Rebekah; Q: Who does Klaus come together with to unravel Marcel's empire? A: Elijah; Q: Who are Klaus and Rebekah trying to save? A: his own plan; Q: What does Klaus develop? A: help; Q: What do Klaus and Rebekah enlist from Sophie? A: Sophie; Q: Who is reluctant to get involved? A: Davina; Q: Who is Marcel's secret weapon? A: an oblivious Camille; Q: Who does Rebekah invite to Marcel's party? A: anger Marcel; Q: Who does Rebekah anger? A: Hayley; Q: Who learns from Sabine that the supernatural creatures of New Orleans are reacting to the potential existence of a hybrid baby? Summary: After discovering interesting news about someone in Marcel's inner circle, Klaus and Rebekah come together to attempt to unravel Marcel's empire and save Elijah in the process, but Klaus soon develops his own plan. They enlist help from Sophie, who is reluctant to get involved for fear of the wrath of Marcel's secret weapon, Davina. Rebekah sneakily invites an oblivious Camille to a huge vampire party thrown by Marcel, managing to anger Marcel in the process. Elsewhere, Hayley learns from the witch Sabine that the supernatural creatures of New Orleans are reacting to the potential existence of a hybrid baby.

TERROR OF THE AUTONS BY: ROBERT HOLMES 5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. POLICE CAR (As the journey continues, the DOCTOR continues to examine the circuit. JO rubs her bruises and then looks out of the window. She jogs the DOCTOR'S arm.) JO: Doctor! DOCTOR: Careful. JO: Where are they taking us? (He too looks out of the window.) DOCTOR: Well it certainly isn't Tarminster. JO: It's some sort of a quarry. (He puts the circuit back into his pocket.) DOCTOR: Excuse me officer, could I see your warrant card? (One of the Policemen slowly turns round and looks at them in silence. The DOCTOR looks suspicious and leans forward. JO gasps out as the DOCTOR pulls the Policeman's "face" away. Behind it is the blank face of an AUTON. The DOCTOR lunges forward, chops the AUTON on the neck and grabs the steering wheel from the other "policeman".) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. QUARRY (The car swerves from side to side and finally crashes into some rocks. The DOCTOR dashes out of the car quickly followed by JO. The unmasked AUTON POLICEMAN tries to push open his door against the rocks as the other driver Auton gets out of his side of the car. The DOCTOR and JO run as fast as they can for cover, JO tripping over a rock at one point. The unmasked POLICEMAN'S fingers drop away and an AUTON gun extends. A blast from it devastates some rocks near to the escapees. The two of them dive for cover in amongst some undergrowth in a ditch as the two pursuers, both with their guns ready, walk into view. They scan the area and then go off in different directions. The Policeman whose human mask is still intact is the one who nears the hiding place of the DOCTOR and JO and it almost looks as if he is about to literally step on them when he turns and goes to look elsewhere. JO is about to say something to the DOCTOR but he quickly covers her mouth to enjoin silence. He hears a noise from the other side of the quarry and sees the BRIGADIER'S car as it comes into view and stops near the crashed police car. The BRIGADIER, CAPTAIN YATES and the UNIT driver, all armed, get out of the car.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Shouts.) Spread out - they can't be far! (The three take different directions and it is the BRIGADIER who nears the hiding place of the DOCTOR and JO. He stops and shouts out:) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Doctor? Miss Grant? DOCTOR: (Shouts from his hiding place.) Get down man! Get down! (A short distance away, the masked Auton swivels round and blasts the BRIGADIER who dives for the ground as the shot explodes next to him. The UNIT driver hears the blast and turns with his gun aimed as the unmasked AUTON POLICEMAN steps into view. YATES sees him.) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Look out! (The warning is too late. The soldier is blasted and he rolls over a short incline. YATES dives for the cover of the UNIT car and starts firing his small automatic at the AUTON, as does the BRIGADIER. The DOCTOR yells a warning from his place of concealment.) DOCTOR: They're Autons! Bullets can't stop them! (YATES runs as fast as he can into the driver's seat of the car and starts the vehicle. The AUTON POLICEMAN fires a shot at it as YATES drives the car straight at the faceless enemy. He hits it full on and the AUTON falls over a cliff edge. The fall is spectacular and the AUTON POLICEMAN tumbles over and over, down the scree-slope to the bottom - where seemingly unharmed, it immediately starts to climb back up the slope. The other Auton walks behind the cover of some bushes giving the DOCTOR and JO the opportunity they need...) DOCTOR: Right - now! (The two of them jump out of their hiding place and, only slightly behind the BRIGADIER, run towards the UNIT car which screeches to a halt to let them in. The unmasked Auton makes a final futile blast as the car drives away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. PLASTICS FACTORY. MAIN OFFICE (The MASTER stands looking out of the window as REX enters.) REX FARREL: Colonel? Colonel, the Autons that were sent to recover the bodies of the Doctor and the girl... (The MASTER turns round and interrupts.) MASTER: ...have returned without them - I know. REX FARREL: And you're not angry? MASTER: (Calmly.) Because the Doctor's escaped again? No...he's an interesting adversary. I admire him in many ways. REX FARREL: But you still intend to destroy him? MASTER: Of course...and the more he struggles to postpone the moment, the greater the ultimate satisfaction. [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY (The BRIGADIER is in the middle of a staff conference that he has called, attended by CAPTAIN YATES, JO and the DOCTOR - although the latter cannot disguise his lack of interest. The BRIGADIER looks over a map spread across the lab bench.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Six - the Nestenes have landed a small bridgehead force. (The DOCTOR turns away and picks up the circuit from the MASTER'S TARDIS.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Seven - they're operating from somewhere from within this area. Eight - they're being led by an intelligent alien known as the Master. (The DOCTOR walks towards his TARDIS...) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Nine - all their operations have, so far, been primarily directed at us here at UNIT. (...and starts to enter.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Ten...what are you doing, Doctor? DOCTOR: Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Did you want me? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I should like your attention Doctor, until we've settled on a course of action. (Sarcastically.) That is, of course, unless you have something of greater importance to attend to? DOCTOR: No, no, of course not. (The DOCTOR walks back towards them and, smiling, leans nonchalantly against a pillar.) DOCTOR: No, do carry on, it's most interesting. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Thank you. Where was I? CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Ten, sir. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Ten - the enemy intention... DOCTOR: (Interrupting.) The enemy intention is to occupy your planet. I should have thought that was quite obvious. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: To do that they will have to land additional forces. In other words, this is no more than a diversionary thrust. Do you agree, Doctor? DOCTOR: Well, I should have thought that was pretty obvious too, isn't it? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (His temper starting to go.) We have, as you know, raided the circus and arrested Rossini and his thugs... (To YATES.) ...and what have we learned from them? DOCTOR: (Interrupting again.) Nothing - Rossini is just a tool. The Master used him and then discarded him. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: There was no sign of alien activity at the circus. This mysterious horsebox has vanished - so had the Autons. DOCTOR: Naturally. (He goes back to the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: Oh, you have finished with me now, I hope? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Not quite. DOCTOR: Oh. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I therefore propose that we redouble our security here and concentrate on finding the Master's headquarters. (After a moment's silence, the DOCTOR realises that the BRIGADIER is looking to him to respond. He does...) DOCTOR: Oh, well having reached that brilliant conclusion, how about getting on with it? Oh, Captain Yates, is my car back yet? CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Safe and sound, Doctor. DOCTOR: Oh good, that's something anyway. (He steps into the TARDIS.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Any further comments, Doctor? DOCTOR: (OOV: Within the TARDIS.) I'll let you know, as soon as I think of any! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Icily.) Captain Yates, we will continue this conference in my office. (His anger ill-disguised, he storms out of the lab. YATES picks up the map, and with a grin at JO, follows him. After they have gone, the DOCTOR steps out of the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: Do you know, Jo, I sometimes think that "military intelligence" is a contradiction in terms! JO: You're not very grateful, are you? DOCTOR: What? For having my time wasted? JO: He did save our lives, you know. (The DOCTOR picks up a jewellers eye-glass and starts to re-examine the circuit. He does not respond.) JO: Well? Didn't he? (The DOCTOR stops his examination for a moment.) DOCTOR: You're quite right Jo, I'll apologise - if I have the time. (JO gives up and looks at the circuit that the DOCTOR is examining and an identical one on the lab bench.) JO: What are those things? DOCTOR: Well, that is the discarded circuit from my TARDIS...and this is an identical circuit that I, er, "borrowed" from the Master's horsebox. JO: What does it do? DOCTOR: You wait there and I'll show you. (He goes towards the TARDIS and waves to her before stepping inside.) DOCTOR: Bye bye, Jo. JO: Doctor, where are you going? DOCTOR: (OOV: Within the TARDIS.) Just a proving flight. (The door closes and JO turns away to examine the DOCTOR'S circuit. Suddenly the roar of the TARDIS engines shatters the quiet of the lab which starts to shake.) JO: Doctor! What's happening?! (The roar starts to wind down and there is a muffled explosion from within the police box. The door opens and an icily angry DOCTOR steps out in a cloud of smoke and kicks the door of the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: Of all the stupid useless ... ! JO: Doctor, stop being childish. DOCTOR: What's wrong with being childish? I like being childish! JO: What were you trying to do anyway? DOCTOR: Well, my TARDIS uses a mark I dematerialisation circuit and I tried to replace it with a mark II. (A thought strikes him and he suddenly starts to laugh to himself.) JO: What's the joke? DOCTOR: Well, I've just thought of something. My TARDIS might not work - but neither will his now. Wherever he is, he's trapped on Earth. [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. PLASTICS FACTORY. MAIN OFFICE (RAX FARREL holds up a small plastic daffodil for examination. He holds it close to his face...) MASTER: Farrel - be careful! Careful. I don't want an accident. REX FARREL: I was admiring the workmanship. MASTER: Do you think people will be impressed? REX FARREL: They're the finest plastic flowers I've ever seen. MASTER: Yes, well, that's our object - to show the world the skill of the modern plastics industry. [SCENE_BREAK] 6: EXT. HIGH STREET (A brightly coloured silent figure stands in the middle of a typical high street. Dressed in a bright yellow blazer, it sports a large grinning carnival head and a straw boater. It carries a basket under its arm that is full of the plastic daffodils and hands them out to passing housewives. Nearby stands a small red coach decorated with drawings of daffodils on the side and a sign which reads "Plastic comes to town". REX FARREL stands near the coach and watches the carnival figures. The final daffodils are handed out and the carnival figures silently walk back across a car park to the coach where REX watches them board and then follows them on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT COACH (Inside, one of the carnival figures removes its head and reveals the blank features of an AUTON.) AUTON LEADER: We're ready Farrel. We must drive to the next distribution centre. REX FARREL: No! The Master must be obeyed! (His face creases in pain.) Must...be...obeyed. AUTON LEADER: We will wait a little longer. If he's not then returned, we shall drive on. (REX hears the voice of the MASTER in his head.) MASTER: (OOV) You will obey me, Farrel. I am your Master. (He nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY (The DOCTOR stands at the lab bench reading through a sheaf of reports while JO watches.) DOCTOR: "From field section one: continuous watch maintained - nothing to report." (He turns the page.) "Business appears to be proceeding normally. No unusual activity." (Another turn.) "Everything checked and found in order. Report completely negative." (Another turn, his voice rises in anger.) "Nothing to report so far - will continue to search." (He gives up and tears the reports into pieces, throwing them to the ground.) DOCTOR: It's worthless - absolutely worthless! JO: Now Doctor... DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Days of exhaustive investigation by the Brigadier's band of bloodhounds and what have they discovered?! Nothing, absolutely nothing! The incompetent imbeciles! JO: We're doing everything possible, Doctor. DOCTOR: No news from any of those plastic factories? JO: Well, there were those reports of a promotional tour. DOCTOR: My dear girl, the Master is scarcely likely to advertise what he's doing. JO: I suppose not. DOCTOR: I will not give up. He's lying low somewhere and we've got to find him. JO: Maybe he's given up. DOCTOR: The Master? Never! He's too conceited. (He turns away as JO gives a him a look. The BRIGADIER enters followed by a pudgy moustached man in a business suit and carrying a leather brown briefcase. The DOCTOR stands at the window.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Doctor, this is Mr. Brownrose from the Ministry. He's come to us with a rather alarming story. DOCTOR: (Without turning.) Yes, well I'm not in the mood for stories. BROWNROSE: Is this man a member of your staff? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: The Doctor acts as our scientific consultant, yes. (He nods towards JO.) His assistant - Miss Grant. BROWNROSE: Er, how do you do? I hope he's qualified to deal with a matter of this complexity. DOCTOR: I think you'll find, sir, that I'm qualified to deal with practically everything! If I choose. (BROWNROSE goes over to the bench and takes a file out of his briefcase.) BROWNROSE: I must say, Brigadier, I'm far from satisfied that you've grasped the urgency of this matter. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I assure you I have. BROWNROSE: It's not something to be shuffled off onto some stray boffin, you know! (The DOCTOR steps forward.) DOCTOR: Now just a moment, my good man! We at UNIT are very busy with a number of extremely urgent matters. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Warning.) Doctor, please... DOCTOR: (His voice rising.) The Brigadier has a great deal on his plate. You cannot expect his exclusive attention for your petty concerns! BROWNROSE: Oh, can't I sir? Now, I'll have you know that my... DOCTOR: (Interrupting angrily.) Who's in charge of you pen pushers these days? Old Tubby Rowlands isn't it? BROWNROSE: (With condescending emphasis.) Lord Rowlands is head of our department, yes. DOCTOR: Yes, I was saying to him in the club, only the other day: "Wrong sort of chap is creeping into your lot, Tubby" I said! (He looks meaningfully at BROWNROSE whose demeanour immediately changes to one of obsequiousness.) BROWNROSE: Oh, well, of course, I didn't mean to imply anything offensive... DOCTOR: (Quietly.) No...no, of course not. Say no more about it. Right now, Brigadier, what's your problem? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Pretty serious, Doctor - a wave of sudden deaths all over the Home Counties. DOCTOR: Cause? BROWNROSE: Asphyxiation, heart failure, shock. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: In other words, no satisfactory explanation at all. BROWNROSE: I'm afraid not. JO: Some kind of virus? BROWNROSE: There's no evidence of infection. DOCTOR: Any connection between the victims? BROWNROSE: None whatsoever - different ages, sexes and occupations - apart from the first two deaths, there's no connection at all. DOCTOR: And what about the first two? BROWNROSE: Well the first was a man called McDermott, the second - Farrel. (The name induces a memory in JO..) JO: Farrel?! (...and her face turns to one of puzzlement as she tries to remember.) BROWNROSE: Production Manager and owner of the same plastics factory. (The BRIGADIER and the DOCTOR look at each other.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. FARREL SENIOR'S HOUSE. LIVING ROOM (MRS. FARREL, dressed in mourning black, sits in a chair as the DOCTOR and JO talk to her.) DOCTOR: Mrs. Farrel, I do realise how distressing this must be for you... MRS. FARREL: (Upset.) I've already been over it with the police. DOCTOR: Yes, I know, but...believe me, it is terribly important you know. You could help us save hundreds of lives. JO: (Gently.) Would you like us to come back another time? MRS. FARREL: No dear, I'll be all right. Well, I'd gone to make the coffee after lunch, but I heard a noise. I came in and...and found him. JO: Your husband seemed quite normal when you left him? I mean not ill or anything? MRS. FARREL: Well, he was a little worried and depressed, I think, but he certainly wasn't ill. JO: Did he say why he was depressed? MRS. FARREL: Oh, the death of Mr. McDermott upset him, of course, and I do know he was very disturbed about...developments within the firm. DOCTOR: Er, what sort of developments? MRS. FARREL: Well, he seemed to think that Rex, er, our son, he seemed to think that he'd fallen too much under the influence of a new customer. My husband didn't like him at all. DOCTOR: What was his name? MRS. FARREL: Colonel Masters. DOCTOR: (To himself.) I knew it! [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY (A TELEPHONE MECHANIC, dressed in overalls, makes final adjustments to the DOCTOR'S trimphone as YATES walks in.) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Doctor, did ..... (He spots the MECHANIC.) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Who are you? TELEPHONE MECHANIC: Telephone engineer, sir, just finishing. CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Got your pass? TELEPHONE MECHANIC: Blimey, not again! I've been checked more times... CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (Interrupting and insistent.) Pass. (He takes it out of his pocket and puts it in YATES'S waiting hand.) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Thank you. (He looks over it.) Okay, fine. (He passes it back to the MECHANIC who turns back to his work.) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Why such a long flex? TELEPHONE MECHANIC: Specially ordered sir. Perhaps the gent likes to walk up and down while he's talking? CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (Laughs.) Sounds very like him! TELEPHONE MECHANIC: Yeah...well, that's it then. (The MECHANIC puts the phone back in place, picks up his toolbox and walks out of the lab with a nod to YATES who looks over his handiwork.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. FARREL SENIOR'S HOUSE. LIVING ROOM DOCTOR: Is there anything else you can tell us about this Colonel Masters? MRS. FARREL: Well, er, I believe he's still working with Rex. I've been too upset to think about the business. DOCTOR: Yes, of course, but can you remember anything that your husband said about him? Anything at all? MRS. FARREL: Er, I don't think so...Oh! John did bring one of the new dolls home to examine. DOCTOR: Er, what sort of dolls? MRS. FARREL: Well, wasn't my idea of a doll at all. DOCTOR: Er, could we see it, Mrs Farrel? MRS. FARREL: Yes of course. DOCTOR: Thank you. (She walks over to a sideboard where the doll rests. She passes the hideous object to JO, who along with the DOCTOR, has followed her.) JO: Yes, I see what you mean. (She passes it to the DOCTOR.) MRS. FARREL: It wasn't intended for children, naturally. Some sort of a...novelty for grown ups, I suppose. (A thought strikes her...) MRS. FARREL: It's odd you know. DOCTOR: Er, what is? MRS. FARREL: Well, when I went out of the room, that thing was on the radiator by the door. DOCTOR: Yes? MRS. FARREL: But...after they'd taken John away...I found it under the curtains. It was... (She laughs as if embarrassed with what she is about to say.) MRS. FARREL: ...as if it was trying to get out. [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY (The DOCTOR begins his examination of the doll watched over by JO, the BRIGADIER and YATES.) DOCTOR: Right...now, lets take a look at this thing. CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Oh, charming little chap, isn't he? Where did you get it? (YATES pokes the doll but the DOCTOR slaps his hand away.) DOCTOR: Scalpel. (JO passes him the instrument and, like an operation, he makes his first incision.) DOCTOR: Forceps. (He takes the requested instrument and starts to poke about in the dolls innards.) JO: What are you doing? DOCTOR: I'm just poking about. (He stops.) DOCTOR: Oh, it appears to be made of solid plastic. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Why would they make a thing like that solid? DOCTOR: Why indeed? Let's try the head. (He again stabs the doll with the scalpel and digs into it with the forceps.) DOCTOR: Oh...that appears to be solid plastic too. Oh, it's no good. I'll have to make a full analysis. (He walks over to a desk and starts to write on a sheet of paper.) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (To JO.) Where did you pick it up? JO: From the house of a man called Farrel. CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Why bring it here? JO: Well, the Doctor thinks it might have killed him. DOCTOR: Jo...get in touch with scientific supplies will you? Tell them I need these things straight away. JO: Yes. (She takes the paper off him and walks over to the trimphone.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Doctor, how on earth could a thing like that kill anybody? DOCTOR: That, Brigadier, is what I'm trying to find out. JO: (On telephone.) Hello, scientific supplies section? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (To the DOCTOR.) Do you have the result of the post mortem? JO: (On telephone.) I have a requisition for you - top priority. DOCTOR: Yes, asphyxiation, cause unknown. CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: It might have frightened him to death... JO: (On telephone.) ... Scanning molecular structure analyser ... CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: ...but asphyxiation? Well, it's not alive. JO: (On telephone.) ... Electrode unit ... DOCTOR: The Nestenes change the molecular structure of plastic, Captain Yates. They energise it in some way and turn it into quasi-organic matter. Almost like flesh and blood. Well, it's inert at the moment. Something must have activated it. JO: (On telephone.) That's it. Thank you. (She puts the phone down.) JO: The equipment's on its way, Doctor. DOCTOR: Good, how long will it be? JO: Quite a while I'm afraid. They've had to send out for most of it. DOCTOR: What? Do you mean that you haven't got a scanning molecular structure analyser in stock? Oh really Brigadier, you should keep this place better supplied, you know! I cannot work without proper equipment. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (With a hint of sarcasm.) I'm very sorry, Doctor. DOCTOR: (Realising that his attitude is unreasonable.) Yes well, just as well. It will give me more time to look at Mr. Farrel's plastic factory. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Er now, just a moment Doctor. I'm aware for your preference for acting as a one-man band but this does happen to be a UNIT operation. DOCTOR: Lethbridge Stewart, I can assure you... CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (Interrupting.) He's right you know, Doctor. I'd better come with you. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: No! I shall accompany the Doctor myself. I'm not entirely deskbound yet, you know... CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Sir... BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Interrupts sharply.) Now that will do, Captain Yates! May I remind you that you're duty officer today. If you're ready Doctor? (The BRIGADIER walks out. The DOCTOR points at the doll.) DOCTOR: Jo - nobody is to touch that thing until I've had the chance of examining it properly, all right? JO: Don't worry, I won't go anywhere near it. (She pulls a face.) Wergh! [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. COACH (The AUTON LEADER puts his carnival head back on.) AUTON LEADER: We will leave now. REX FARREL: No, not until the Master returns. AUTON LEADER: We shall leave without him. We must keep to schedule. REX FARREL: (Shouts.) For the last time - no! (The door to the coach opens and the TELEPHONE MECHANIC walks in.) REX FARREL: (Shocked.) Who are you? (The MECHANIC pulls his rubber "face" off - it is the MASTER.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY (CAPTAIN YATES lights up a Bunsen burner under a tripod on top of which rests an asbestos sheet. JO is on the phone again.) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Until you've had a mug of army cocoa, you just haven't lived. JO: You know, I don't think the Doctor would approve of that. CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: What? JO: Making free with his Bunsen burner. (Into telephone.) Hello? Scientific supplies section? I'd like to speak to Mr. Campbell please. (YATES has now put a beaker full of water on top of the tripod.) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Then he shouldn't go gallivanting off leaving me stuck here. JO: What about me? I'm stuck here too, you know. CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Oh well, that's different, isn't it? I'll just go and fetch the gubbins. (He walks out.) JO: Thank you and good night, Captain Yates! (Into telephone.) Hello? Mr. Campbell? Oh, I see. No, no, I'll hang on. Will he be long? (The Bunsen continues to burn...next to the doll.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: EXT. PLASTICS FACTORY (The DOCTOR and the BRIGADIER walk round the outside of the plastics factory. They look through an open doorway into a deserted workshop.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Is anybody there? (There is silence. They walk on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY JO: (Into telephone.) Yes, well the Doctor does need it rather urgently so I thought... (Behind her the doll stirs. It rolls over and gets to its feet.) JO: Yes, that's quite true, but if anybody could you could. You're dead right, we'd be in terrible trouble. Could you? Could you really? You're a dolly Scotsman Mr. Campbell. (Laughs.) Yes, of course! (The doll looks at her.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: EXT. PLASTICS FACTORY (The DOCTOR and the BRIGADIER walk up to the main office entrance at the front of the plastics factory. The DOCTOR tries the door.) DOCTOR: It's open. (They walk in.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY (The doll lunges at JO. She jumps back with a cry and the doll falls to the floor. She starts to throw objects at it and cries out...) JO: Mike! Mike, come quickly! (YATES bursts in with two cups and a jar of cocoa.) CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Jo! What's the matter?! (He pulls out his service revolver and starts shooting away at the creature, blasting it into pieces.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. PLASTICS FACTORY. MAIN OFFICE (The DOCTOR and the BRIGADIER walk into the empty main office.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Seems as though they've moved camp. (The DOCTOR walks over to REX'S desk.) DOCTOR: Yes...today. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Oh, how do you know that? DOCTOR: Desk calendar. (He looks down.) Hello? (On the floor is one of the plastic daffodils which he picks up.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What have you got there? DOCTOR: A daffodil, a plastic daffodil. Hang onto it for me will you? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Taking it.) Well what do you want it for? They give these things away with soap. DOCTOR: It's plastic, Brigadier - and any plastic artifact, anything at all, can - in the Nestenes sense of the word - be alive. (He thinks.) First a doll, then a flower... BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What are you getting at Doctor? DOCTOR: I wish I knew. (He walks over to a large walk-in wall safe and rubs his hands before listening carefully at the door as he starts to turn the combination dial.) DOCTOR: Oh, have a look at that desk, old chap, will you? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes. (He does so.) DOCTOR: You never know, there might be something there to give us a lead. (The BRIGADIER opens drawers.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Oh, nothing much here. (He looks at papers on the desktop.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Unless...this might be something. DOCTOR: Mmm? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Farrel's ordered a coach this week - a fifteen-seater. DOCTOR: Well maybe he's going on a works outing. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yeah. (The BRIGADIER walks to the other side of the office, shuts the door and starts looking through a row of filing cabinets. At the safe, the DOCTOR succeeds with the lock and swings opens the door. Inside is an Auton - gun ready!) DOCTOR: Look out! Auton! (The Auton fires and the door next to the BRIGADIER explodes as he ducks down. The DOCTOR kicks the safe door shut and turns to the BRIGADIER with a look of relief on his face.) DOCTOR: Remarkably persistent, aren't they! [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY (The DOCTOR and the BRIGADIER have returned to UNIT H.Q. where the remains of the shattered doll lie on the lab bench. YATES looks sheepish.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: This thing actually attacked you? JO: It was going to - if Mike hadn't shot it. It was horrible! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Seems as though you may be right, Doctor. DOCTOR: I usually am! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, it's dead enough now. DOCTOR: Jo, where were you when this thing started moving? JO: I was on the telephone. DOCTOR: And what about you, Captain Yates? CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: I wasn't here. I'd just gone out to, er... (His voice quietens.) ...fetch some cocoa. DOCTOR: Yes, well something must have a... (He realises what YATES has said.) DOCTOR: Fetch a tin what? CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Cocoa. DOCTOR: (Indignant.) Are you trying to tell me that you were going to cocoa in my lab? CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Er, that was the general idea. I'm sorry Doctor. DOCTOR: Yes, well serg... (A thought occurs to him...) DOCTOR: Well, now wait a minute...you didn't by any chance use my Bunsen burner, did you? CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Well, yes. DOCTOR: Well that's it then - heat! This thing was lying alongside my Bunsen. It must be triggered off by a pre-determined temperature. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, that may account for Farrel's death, Doctor, what about all the others? (The DOCTOR picks up the daffodil.) DOCTOR: If this thing is what I think it is, we may have the answer right here. Right, off you go, the whole lot of you. (The BRIGADIER and YATES walk out. JO goes over to the DOCTOR.) JO: Me too? DOCTOR: Yes, you too. No...no, you go down to the stores and see if you can chase up that Mr. Campbell, all right? JO: Okay. (She walks out. The DOCTOR puts the daffodil down and takes off his cloak. He his hanging it up when the telephone rings. He walks over and picks it up.) DOCTOR: Hello, yes, what is it? [SCENE_BREAK] 21: EXT. PHONE BOX MASTER: Hello Doctor, is that you? [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY (The DOCTOR sits down as he at last hears the voice of his nemesis.) DOCTOR: Who is this? What do you want? [SCENE_BREAK] 23: EXT. PHONE BOX MASTER: Simply to say goodbye, Doctor. (The MASTER smiles and holds up a small tube-like electronic device next to the mouthpiece. It starts to give out a signalling sound.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY (In the lab, the long flex comes to life, starting to wrap itself round the DOCTOR'S head and upper body and threatening to strangle him...)

Plan: A: Farrel's factory; Q: Where do the Doctor and the Brigadier head? A: the Master and the Autons; Q: Who has already left the factory? A: plastic daffodils; Q: What are the Autons distributing? Summary: The Doctor and the Brigadier head to Farrel's factory but the Master and the Autons have already left and are distributing plastic daffodils around the country.

THE ROBOTS OF DEATH by: CHRIS BOUCHER PART FOUR Running time: 23:42 [SCENE_BREAK] 1. INT. corridor outside MODIFICATION ROOM (UVANOV, a nasty red welt on his forehead, sneaks down a staircase and crosses the corridor into the Modification Room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. INT. MODIFICATION ROOM UVANOV: What are you doing here? (The DOCTOR stands up from examining the work bench.) DOCTOR: Why? Does it upset you? UVANOV: The penalty for what you have done is death! DOCTOR: That's far enough! What are you doing here? UVANOV: I followed you. (V4 appears in the corridor behind UVANOV.) DOCTOR: Ah. I'd come over here if I were you. Slowly. (UVANOV turns to see V4, which is holding up a corpse marker. He backs away towards the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: Now either it followed you or else it homed in on this. It depends which of us it's going to kill first. (V4, red eyed, charges towards the DOCTOR with arms outstretched.) V4: Kill the Doctor! Kill the Doctor! (It grabs the DOCTOR's throat and begins to strangle him ...) V4: Kill the Doctor! (UVANOV grabs a Laserson Probe from the rack.) V4: Kill the Doctor! (UVANOV stabs V4 in the head with the probe.) V4: Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! (V4's vision is damaged, as seen from its POV. It lets go of the DOCTOR's throat and grasps the probe, which remains stuck in its head. It dances around, out of control.) V4: Kill! Kill! Kill! (UVANOV goes to the DOCTOR, who groggily recovers.) UVANOV: Doctor, are you all right? DOCTOR: Finish it off before it's too late. (The lights in the room fluctuate dim them bright.) UVANOV: There's a power failure! DOCTOR: The probe's stopped! Can you do it? UVANOV: Yes. (UVANOV goes to V4, which has stopped still. He reaches for the probe. V4 sweeps him aside, knocking him to the floor with a shriek.) V4: Kill! Kill! Kill! (Despite its faulty vision, V4 lumbers towards the DOCTOR.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. INT. TOOS's cabin (TOOS stands by her door. It opens to reveal V6, whose eyes glow red. It moves towards her as she backs away.) TOOS: (Pleading.) No! Oh, no, please! No, please! No, please! No, don't! No, don't! Oh, no, please - (V6 backs her onto the bed and begins to strangle her.) V6: It is an order. It has to be done. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. INT. corridor (The DOCTOR carries UVANOV away from the Modification Room. He stops in his tracks when he sees SV7, whose eyes are black. The DOCTOR turns the other way and sees V5 turn towards him. Behind him, its eyes red and its arms outstretched, lumbers V4 with the Laserson Probe still in its head.) V4: Kill! Kill! Kill! DOCTOR: Don't just stand there, 7! Give me a hand! SV7: (Eyes glowing red.) Kill them. V4: Kill! Kill! Kill! (V5 steps slowly towards them. The DOCTOR puts the groggy UVANOV down and they shelter against a wall.) DOCTOR: Just how fast are these robots? UVANOV: They can outrun a human and they never tire. DOCTOR: No, I meant fast as in nimble. Never mind. We'll soon find out. (The DOCTOR springs forward and puts his hat on V5.) V4: Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! (V4 lumbers towards V5, who now also wears the DOCTOR's scarf. The DOCTOR and UVANOV scuttle away. V4 strangles V5, who strangles it back.) V4: Kill! Kill! V5: Do not kill me. SV7: V4, that is not the Doctor. V4: Kill! V5: Do not kill me. V4: Kill! Kill! SV7: (Into wrist communicator.) V6, come to section J immediately. [SCENE_BREAK] 5. INT. toos's cabin (V6 stops strangling TOOS.) V6: (Into wrist communicator.) The order is understood. (V6 exits, leaving TOOS unconscious - or possibly dead - on the bed.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6. INT. corridor (The DOCTOR and UVANOV descend a staircase, looking about.) DOCTOR: Come on. We've got to get back to the command deck. UVANOV: SV7 controls all the others. If it's gone bad, then they all have. DOCTOR: It hasn't gone bad. Its command circuit's been changed. UVANOV: Doctor, nobody could do that. DOCTOR: Taren Capel could. UVANOV: Taren Capel? DOCTOR: Yes. A mad scientist. A very mad scientist. [SCENE_BREAK] 7. INT. corridor outside toos's cabin (LEELA runs at full speed down the corridor to Toos's Cabin.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8. INT. TOOS's cabin (She stops in the doorway, seeing D84 standing over TOOS. She checks her knife sheath, but it is empty. She throws V6's hand at D84.) D84: Please do not throw hands at me. She will recover. LEELA: What happened to her? (TOOS squeals and sits up, grabbing LEELA in a frightened hug. LEELA squeezes her tight.) LEELA: It's all right, he's a friend. It's all right. D84: She was being attacked. The Doctor sent me to her assistance. LEELA: Well, where is he then? Where's the robot? D84: It received a priority call to go to section J. LEELA: How do you - D84: I heard the instruction on my command circuit. TOOS: (Struggling to speak with bruised throat.) The Doctor sent everyone to control deck. How many are left? LEELA: Well as far as I know only Poul, and his mind is broken. I haven't seen Uvanov or Dask. D84: Where ... where is Chief Mover Poul? LEELA: I left him in the storage bank. D84: I had better bring him to the control deck. (D84 leaves.) LEELA: D'you think you can make it? TOOS: (Nods.) It isn't far. (TOOS and LEELA cross to the door. LEELA supports the limping TOOS to walk, with an arm around her waist and TOOS's arm around LEELA's shoulders.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. INT. corridor (V4 stands in a dramatic pose, immobile, in the corridor. SV7 examines V4, while V5 and V6 look on.) SV7: The sensors are extensively damaged. I must report to our controller. (To V5 and V6.) Your orders are to find and destroy all the remaining humans. Secrecy is no longer necessary. Confirm. V6: The order is understood. SV7: Then go. (V5 and V6 turn and exit, their eyes glowing red. SV7 exits, leaving V4 standing in the corridor.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10. INT. corridor in hopper area (LEELA and TOOS move along the corridor, LEELA supporting TOOS. TOOS coughs. They stop upon hearing a sound. LEELA listens, then points to a hopper.) LEELA: In here. (They race inside the hopper and shut the door behind them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11. INT. HOPPER (LEELA and TOOS huddle in the corner of the empty hopper.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12. INT. corridor in hopper area (V5 and V6 patrol along the corridor, stopping at the door of the hopper where LEELA and TOOS are hiding.) V6: We must search each hopper. V5: That is not necessary. Vs 35 to 40 have searched in there already. [SCENE_BREAK] 13. INT. HOPPER (LEELA and TOOS listen fearfully, huddling together.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14. INT. corridor in hopper area V6: Then we must search the storage bays. (V5 and V6 move off along the corridor.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15. INT. HOPPER (LEELA lets go of TOOS as they both sigh in relief.) TOOS: I don't understand what's happening. Robots can't harm humans - it's the first principle. LEELA: The second principle is that humans can't harm robots. I know, I've tried, and they don't bleed. TOOS: I think we should warn the Doctor. (Activating her wrist communicator with a tone.) Doctor, can you hear me? Answer me, please. SV7: (Over communicator.) SV7 here. Is that you, Acting Commander Toos? TOOS: Yes. SV7, listen. Some of the Voc class robots are running berserk, out of control and dangerous. D'you understand? SV7: (Over communicator.) I understand. Counter measures are being taken. Report your position, please. TOOS: I'm - (LEELA silences TOOS with a hand over her mouth.) LEELA: Shh! (Whispers.) In your cabin. SV7: (Over communicator.) Please say again, Commander. I must know your present position. TOOS: I'm in my cabin, SV7. SV7: (Over communicator.) Please stay in your cabin, Commander. There is great danger if you leave it. (LEELA is thoughtful. She stands up to think.) TOOS: What was all that about? LEELA: There's something wrong, I could feel it. TOOS: I didn't notice anything, but ... except the - LEELA: There was something! TOOS: The robots are programmed to understand our voice patterns. LEELA: So? TOOS: My voice is in the command program. Why did SV7 ask if it was me? LEELA: Because that wasn't SV7. [SCENE_BREAK] 16. INT. CONTROL DECK (UVANOV and the DOCTOR enter the deck and see ROBOTS immobilised as they stood on the staircase. UVANOV taps a VOC on the arm while the DOCTOR checks a control panel on the wall.) UVANOV: Oh, good. Somebody's had the sense to hit the robot deactivation switch. Probably Dask. As Chief Fixer he is second line authority on it. DOCTOR: Of course. There had to be one, I should have thought of it before. UVANOV: You didn't know? I thought that's why we came here! LEELA: (Off screen.) Doctor!! (LEELA and TOOS run onto the control deck.) TOOS: Doctor, you were right. The robots are out of control. UVANOV: Not any more. We're quite safe now. (UVANOV hugs TOOS.) DOCTOR: Safe! Safe! UVANOV: Well ... we'll have to send up a satellite distress beacon to get back to base, but there's no trouble. DOCTOR: Uvanov, you remind me very strongly of a lady called Marie Antoinette. There's a robot revolution going on out there and you say we've got no problems. UVANOV: But Doctor, every single robot has been switched off. There's not one of them working. DOCTOR: Uvanov! (Whispers.) Look over there. (UVANOV looks behind him. Enter D84, carrying a semi-conscious POUL and placing him on a bench.) UVANOV: I don't understand! DOCTOR: Shut the door, Toos. I may not have time to explain. (TOOS shuts the door.) DOCTOR: There's a new generation of killer robots about, Uvanov. The killers are controlled by Taren Capel. And D84 is controlled by Poul. These two are undercover agents for the company. D84: Poul is damaged. I do not understand what has happened to him. This may be because I am not human. DOCTOR: Yes, that's very likely. TOOS: How did you find out about Poul? DOCTOR: Well his body language was all wrong. LEELA: What's body language? DOCTOR: Well, it's the theory that a person expresses himself in the way he moves. LEELA: I said he was a hunter! DOCTOR: Yes, you did. D'you know what's wrong with Poul? Uvanov? UVANOV: Yes. Robophobia. DOCTOR: That's right. The Loid call it Grimwade's Syndrome. UVANOV: I have seen it, Doctor. Once before. On my very first command. Young kid just ran outside the mine. I tried to save him, but I couldn't. I'll never ever forget the look on his face. TOOS: (To LEELA.) Zilda's brother. UVANOV: His father of course had it all hushed up. He was afraid his son would be thought a coward. But robophobia is a mental thing, right? DOCTOR: Oh yes, yes, it is, until one gets its hands around your neck. I don't s'pose there are any weapons aboard this mine? TOOS: They aren't necessary. DOCTOR: They are now. (A tone signals activation of the command speaker.) SV7: (On command speaker.) This is SV7. We know you are all on the control deck. You have five minutes to surrender. If you do not come out, you will be destroyed. UVANOV: (Into wrist communicator.) And if we give ourselves up, we'll be destroyed anyway. Is that what you're saying, 7? SV7: Humans feel pain. Our controller orders that you will die slowly if you do not surrender. You have, I repeat, five minutes. DOCTOR: Five minutes. And the anti-blast doors will hold another te - (Realises.) Anti-blast. Do you carry blasting powder aboard this mine? TOOS: Half a dozen Z-9 electron packs, that's all. DOCTOR: What, in here? TOOS: Up there in the locker. DOCTOR: They might work, Uvanov. If you could pass a positive charge through the metal plate, you'd be able to magnetise them and have anti-robot bombs. UVANOV: Yes. Provided, of course, you can get close enough. DOCTOR: Well, that's you're problem. I can't be everywhere at once. Toos, open this door for me. TOOS: Where are you going, Doctor? DOCTOR: The robot mortuary. Toos, lock this door after us and don't let anyone in, is that clear? TOOS: Clear. DOCTOR: D84 and Leela. (LEELA and D84 leave off tending to POUL and turn to follow the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: Remember, Toos. If we don't come back, you'll have to find some other way of warning the outside world. (TOOS unlocks the door. The DOCTOR, LEELA and D84 exit. TOOS locks the door. UVANOV descends the stairs from the raised platform, carrying Z-9 electron packs to the forward instrument panel.) UVANOV: Come on, Toos. Let's get to work. (TOOS joins him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17. INT. corridor (Many pairs of ROBOT feet walk past the stairway, watched by the DOCTOR, LEELA and D84 from behind the stair rail.) DOCTOR: Ten robots. LEELA: That's what I counted. DOCTOR: Strange. I would have expected Taren Capel to be in at the kill. Come on. We've got to hurry. (They move off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18. INT. control deck (As UVANOV and TOOS make anti-robot bombs, POUL rouses. DASK's voice is heard shouting from behind the door, accompanied by thumps.) DASK: (Through door.) Help! Let me in. (There is a rapid series of loud thumping knocks on the door. UVANOV crosses to the door.) UVANOV: Who is that? DASK: (Through door.) It's me, Dask. Let me in, they're after me. (More thumps. UVANOV dithers and turns to the electronic door panel.) DASK: (Through door.) Help me! They're after me! (TOOS runs towards UVANOV.) TOOS: No, the Doctor said no one at all! (The thumps continue.) UVANOV: We can't leave him out there with those things. You don't know what they're like. TOOS: They may be using him to get us to open the door. DASK: (Through door.) Help me! TOOS: They may be waiting outside. [SCENE_BREAK] 19. INT. corridor outside control deck (DASK - otherwise known as TAREN CAPEL - his face fully made up like a robot's in green and silver, and wearing a robot tunic, screams maniacally.) TAREN CAPEL: Let me in!!! (There is no response. He turns to the three VOCS at his sides.) TAREN CAPEL: All right, my brothers. The doors - force them open! (He leaves the area, followed by SV7.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20. INT. STORAGE BANK (A storage bay rotates to reveal the severely damaged VOC with a blood-covered hand as the DOCTOR, LEELA and D84 look on.) DOCTOR: D84? D'you know the storage bay where Chub kept his equipment? D84: Yes. DOCTOR: There's some canisters of gas there. Fetch me one, please, as quickly as you can. D84: That will be a pleasure. (The DOCTOR examines the severed neck cables of the damaged VOC. LEELA bends to examine the bloody hand, not shy about touching it.) LEELA: His hand, Doctor. That's blood. DOCTOR: Yeah. Borg's at a guess. He was strong enough to put up a struggle. LEELA: Well if Poul saw that - DOCTOR: Yes. That's what probably triggered his collapse. (The DOCTOR manages to remove the VOC's head.) LEELA: Doctor, what is robophobia? DOCTOR: It's an unreasoning dread of robots. (The DOCTOR takes the head to a clear space on the floor to tinker with it, removing the tape from around it and dismantling it into its main components.) DOCTOR: You see, most living creatures use non-verbal signals. Body movement, eye contact, facial expression - that sort of thing. LEELA: Body language. DOCTOR: Exactly. While these robots are humanoid, presumably for aesthetic reasons, they give no signals. It's rather like being surrounded by walking, talking dead men. LEELA: That's what Poul said. DOCTOR: Yes. Undermines a certain type of personality, causes identity crisis, paranoia, sometimes even personality disintegration. Robophobia. At least that's Grimwade's theory. Hold this. (He gives a robot component to LEELA.) LEELA: What are you doing? DOCTOR: I'm going to try and patch this communicator into Dask's private command circuit. LEELA: Dask! DOCTOR: Yes. Taren Capel. If I can discover where he modified this - (Snaps.) Do you have to talk so much? LEELA: Sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] 21. INT. coNTROL DECK (UVANOV calmly adjusts one of the electron packs, making a bomb, as TOOS runs to him from the door, agitated. The robots continue to bash against the door.) TOOS: - the Doctor succeeds. I don't see how we can warn anyone if he doesn't. UVANOV: He doesn't really expect us to. TOOS: Then why did he say what he did? UVANOV: We are just decoys to help them. (The robots' bashing noises cease.) UVANOV: What next I wonder? [SCENE_BREAK] 22. INT. STORAGE BANK (The DOCTOR has slots a modified communicator into the damaged voc's head. An electronic sound indicates that his gadget works.) DOCTOR: There. That should do it. LEELA: So Dask turned off all the friendly mechanical men? DOCTOR: Yes. Planning to modify them and reactivate them later. Today the mine, tomorrow the world. Right now he must be a happy little maniac. (D84 enters, carrying a slim gas canister.) D84: Is that what you wanted? DOCTOR: Yes. Well done, D84. Now you're going to have to stay here. D84: I cannot do that. DOCTOR: D84, this is the final deactivator. If I have to use this and you're around it'll destroy your brain. D84: I am not important. DOCTOR: What? I think you're very important. D84: My duty is to the company. DOCTOR: All right. But you be very careful. D84: I will. DOCTOR: Good. Come on. (All leave the storage bank.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23. INT. CONTROL DECK (TOOS places her ear against the door quietly, hearing strange high pitched metallic clang sounds on the other side. UVANOV approaches.) UVANOV: Any ideas? TOOS: No. (POUL rouses from his recliner seat and walks towards the translucent back entrance to the control deck, fearfully talking to unseen robots.) POUL: No! Please! They brought me here! I didn't want to come. TOOS: Look! (TOOS and UVANOV embrace in fear and horror as they see the silhouette of V5 bangs against the translucent door. POUL falls to his knees in front of it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24. INT. CORRIDOR (TAREN CAPEL marches purposefully through a corridor, followed by SV7 and V6. He halts when SV7 speaks.) SV7: Controller Capel. V5 reports three humans on the control deck. Commander Uvanov, Mover Poul, and Pilot Toos. TAREN CAPEL: The Doctor. The Doctor and the girl Leela - where are they? SV7: (Listens to internal communication.) Their position is unknown. TAREN CAPEL: They must be found and killed. That Doctor is a threat to our plan, my brothers. (He speaks into his wrist communicator.) V5. Enter the control deck and destroy the humans immediately. (To SV7 and V6.) Come with me. [SCENE_BREAK] 25. INT. CONTROL DECK (V5 continues to thump the translucent door. Poul presses himself against the silhouette, pleading.) V5: You have to die. All of you. POUL: No! Please! Please, I'm sorry. (UVANOV takes POUL under the shoulders and drags him away from the door, lying him on the floor.) TOOS: Look out! V5: You have to die. All of you. (TOOS gives UVANOV one of the Z-9 electron packs they have modified.) UVANOV: You look after him. V5: That is the order. You have to die, all of you. (UVANOV places the explosive on the translucent door, over V5's chest panel. He runs back to TOOS and POUL, sheltering against the floor.) UVANOV: Get down, Toos! V5: That is the order. (The Z-9 electron pack explodes in a shower of sparks. The door is burned through, but V5 is irrevocably damaged. It enters the control deck through the door and falls to the ground, chest smoking.) V5: (Voice warping with damage as it falls.) You have to die. All of you. That is the order. (TOOS and UVANOV get off the floor, leaving POUL unconscious on the floor. They grab the remaining electron packs.) UVANOV: You know what I think Toos? I think it's high time we went on the offensive. TOOS: We may not be so lucky a second time. (They duck through the burned door into the corridor beyond.) UVANOV: The Doctor is going to need some help. [SCENE_BREAK] 26. INT. CORRIDOR (TAREN CAPEL, SV7 and V6 continue their march through corridors. A communicator alert sounds and they halt.) SV7: V5 is no longer registering, Controller. TAREN CAPEL: What? SV7: There is no operational signal. Five has been deactivated. TAREN CAPEL: How could mere humans destroy a robot? They are unarmed, weak creatures of flesh and blood. SV7: What are your orders, Controller? TAREN CAPEL: Destroy them, Seven! Kill all the humans! V6, come with me. I will release more of our brothers from bondage. We will be irresistible. (They move off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27. INT. MODIFICATION ROOM (Enter the DOCTOR, LEELA and D84, carrying the gas canister.) DOCTOR: Come on. (The DOCTOR locks the door behind them and gives D84 the final deactivator device he made.) DOCTOR: Hold this, D84. And don't press anything. (The DOCTOR takes the front panel from a hollow space in the wall.) D84: What is your intention? DOCTOR: To make life a little difficult for our crazy friend. He's bound to come back here to convert more robots, and when he does - (To Leela.) Do you think you could fit in there, Leela? LEELA: Why? DOCTOR: Come on, try it for size. LEELA: What's it for? (LEELA gets into the hollow space and sits down.) DOCTOR: Nevermind. Comfortable? LEELA: No. DOCTOR: Good. (The DOCTOR places the gas canister beside her.) DOCTOR: Now this is a cylinder of gas. When Dask comes in, I want you to turn the valve, so. (Shows her.) LEELA: (Tries it.) So? DOCTOR: No. When Dask comes in. LEELA: What will it do? DOCTOR: Hm? (The DOCTOR replaces the wall panel, with LEELA still inside.) LEELA: I said what will it do? DOCTOR: Change his voice. When a mixture of air and helium is breathed, it alters the resonance in the larynx. Didn't they teach you that in the jungle? LEELA: So the robots won't recognise Dask's voice - they won't obey him. DOCTOR: That's it. Come on, D84. LEELA: Where are you going? DOCTOR: Sh-sh. Robot hunting. (D84 opens the door. TAREN CAPEL and V6 are on the other side. TAREN CAPEL stabs D84 in the head with a Laserson Probe. D84 grips the Probe as if in pain, and drops the final deactivator device. He falls to the ground. The DOCTOR steps towards D84, concerned.) DOCTOR: D84! (V6 punches the DOCTOR in the stomach and he doubles over. V6 presses the DOCTOR against a wall as if to strangle him.) TAREN CAPEL: Do not kill him, not yet. Bring him to the bench. (In the wall hollow, LEELA turns the valve of the gas canister.) [SCENE_BREAK] 28. INT. CORRIDOR JUNCTION (SV7 descends stairs, looking behind him but seeing nothing and going on his way. UVANOV and TOOS emerge from behind a decorative stained glass screen, carrying their explosives.) TOOS: Lucky he had no eye for art. UVANOV: Or much imagination. Come on. TOOS: Where are we going? UVANOV: We're gonna follow it. We might get a chance to use one of these. (They proceed cautiously down the corridor.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29. INT. MODIFICATION ROOM (The DOCTOR lies, half conscious, strapped to the workbench. Two metal plates rise from within the bench to clamp his head into place. He opens his eyes at their touch.) DOCTOR: Hello, Dask. Nee Taren Capel. TAREN CAPEL: I am glad you have recovered, Doctor. DOCTOR: Oh? Why? TAREN CAPEL: You came close to ruining my plans. It's fitting I should make you suffer for that. (LEELA continues to release the helium, and listens for change in the voices. TAREN CAPEL clips a Laserson Probe into the clamp he used for modifying the robots.) DOCTOR: I see. You're one of those boring maniacs who's going to gloat, hm? Are you going to tell me your plan for running the universe? TAREN CAPEL: (His voice already starting to change.) Oh no, Doctor. I'm going to burn out your brain. Very, very slowly. (On the floor, D84 crawls, inch by inch, towards the final deactivator device.) DOCTOR: Dask! Dask! You look ridiculous in that outfit. Not half the robot your father was. TAREN CAPEL: You insolent animal! (The Laserson Probe moves towards the DOCTOR's head. He screws up his face in pain as the Probe starts to work. Lights flash different colours and a squeaky noise shows the Probe is working. The lights and noise subside and the DOCTOR's head rolls back to the bench, panting.) DOCTOR: Losing your calm, Dask? Hm? That's not the robot way. It was your verbal and physical precision that let me spot you. Robot upbringing? TAREN CAPEL: Yes, Doctor. I was brought up a superior being. Brought up to realise my brothers should live as free beings and not as slaves to human dross. DOCTOR: Robots would have no existence without humans. Don't you see that, Dask? TAREN CAPEL: No. I shall free them. I shall program them with the ambition to rule the world. And then - (D84 reaches the final deactivator and grasps it.) D84: Goodbye, my friend. (The heads of both D84 and V6 explode in a shower of sparks and a plume of smoke. TAREN CAPEL grabs the Laserson Probe from the clamp and raises his arm to stab the DOCTOR with it. The DOCTOR grabs his arm and keeps the Probe at bay with all his strength. SV7 enters the room.) SV7: Kill the humans. TAREN CAPEL: No, SV7! (TAREN CAPEL is startled, and is hurled against the wall panel as the DOCTOR grabs the Probe from him. SV7 moves towards TAREN CAPEL, seeing him through glowing red eyes and putting his hands to TAREN CAPEL's neck.) SV7: Kill the humans. TAREN CAPEL: (Squeaky voiced.) Not me, you fool. Him. I am your master. Taren Capel. Your controller - SV7: Kill the humans. (SV7 strangles TAREN CAPEL and casts his body, dead, onto the floor. TOOS and UVANOV enter the room, and SV7 turns towards them.) SV7: Kill the humans. (UVANOV tries to plant an explosive on SV7's chest, but SV7 catches his hand and overpowers him. UVANOV falls to the floor with a shout.) SV7: Kill the humans. (SV7 begins to strangle TOOS.) SV7: Kill the humans. (TOOS gasps in pain, trying to cry out, and is driven to her knees. The DOCTOR uses the Laserson Probe to break the strap that is holding him, and stabs SV7 in the back of the head with the Probe, making SV7's voice control malfunction.) SV7: Kill the humans. Kill - kill the. DOCTOR: You'll be all right, Toos. (The DOCTOR turns to check UVANOV. SV7 turns and grabs the DOCTOR's neck, strangling him from behind.) SV7: Kill the. Kill the. Kill the. (SV7 abandons the DOCTOR and grasps the Probe in his head, trying to save himself. He cannot remove it, and ultimately falls down, deactivated. SV7: Kill the. Kill the. Kill the. Kill the. Kill ... Kill. (The DOCTOR surveys the damage.) DOCTOR: Well, all good things come to an end. LEELA: (With full helium squeak.) Will somebody let me out? DOCTOR: Ah! A mouse in the wainscoting. (The DOCTOR removes the wall panel. LEELA touches her throat in surprise.) DOCTOR: Well squeaked, mouse. [SCENE_BREAK] 30. INT. CORRIDOR NEAR SCOOP DECK (The DOCTOR and LEELA walk back to the TARDIS.) LEELA: Shouldn't we stay and see that Uvanov and Toos are all right? DOCTOR: Ah, no, there's a rescue ship on the way and it's time we were on ours. LEELA: Doctor, why didn't the helium make your voice go squeaky? DOCTOR: Because I'm a Time Lord. I've been around you know. Two hearts, respiratory bypass system, I haven't lived 750 years without learning something. After you. (He gestures inside the TARDIS, and LEELA enters it.) DOCTOR: Mouse. (The DOCTOR follows LEELA inside and the TARDIS dematerialises.)

Plan: A: secrecy; Q: What is no longer necessary for the robot revolution? A: Controller Taren Capel; Q: Who shuts down all friendly robots? A: an ultimatum; Q: What does Taren Capel give the remaining humans? A: their deaths; Q: What will be slow and painful if the humans don't comply? A: no conventional weaponry; Q: What do the humans not have? A: a permanent solution; Q: What does the Doctor work out? Summary: With secrecy no longer necessary for the robot revolution, Controller Taren Capel shuts down all friendly robots and gives the remaining humans an ultimatum, or else their deaths will be slow and painful. With no conventional weaponry aboard their commercial vessel, the humans do what they can to resist while giving the Doctor time to work out a permanent solution.

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] MIA: Can I help you? ALEX: I know you have a history with Chase, and I hope that there's no hard feelings. MIA: It's what you do, right? Break up couples? ALEX: But not this time. You screwed this up all by yourself, didn't you? BROOKE: Is it true? Are you going to prison? VICTORIA: It's more like a country club. BROOKE: It's prison, mother. How could you do this? VICTORIA: Because you're my daughter, and I love you. CLAY: You look pretty. QUINN: Oh, my God. God, I missed you. RIVERCOURT Nathan is involved under the glance of Julian. HALEY(Voice-over): Dear Lucas... Every time I write that, it sounds so strange. How did our lives drift so far apart? And how, without even trying, did we make our lives so complicated? I guess what I mean to say is... It all seemed so much easier when we faced the future together. CRISIS INTERVENTION Haley starts her new job. HALEY: Crisis intervention. How can I help you? MAN: Hey. Yeah. I feel...So lost. I can't get a girlfriend to save my life. I've never had a real job, and I'm like 15 minutes away from having to live on my mom's couch. HALEY: Junk? JUNK: Haley? HALEY: Hey, buddy. JUNK: I... (He hangs up again and Haley takes another line) HALEY: Crisis intervention. How can I help? OTHER MAN: What are you wearing right now? Haley: Ew! (She hangs up again and Haley takes another line) HALEY: Crisis interven... WOMAN: I'm in the middle of a crisis. Can you please help me? HALEY: Yes. What's the matter? WOMAN: I just took my chocolate souffle out of the oven, and it fell. My guests get here in 20 minutes. HALEY: I'm sorry. This is a crisis hotline. WOMAN: I'm having a culinary crisis. Does that count? HALEY: Okay, uh, do you have any instant jello? WOMAN: Yes. HALEY: Good, make up the jello, layer it with the whipped cream you were gonna use for garnishing the souffle, top it off with whatever fruit you have lying around the house, and if you hurry, you can bang it out, five minutes to spare. WOMAN: Thanks! You're a life saver. HALEY: Oh, yeah. Not quite what I had in mind, but... (Haley takes another line) HALEY: Crisis intervention. PRISON Brooke visits her mother. BROOKE: This is not what I had in mind when I said, "fix it." VICTORIA: Oh, please. You're not the one who has to wear this hideous jumpsuit. Orange? And we are far from broke. In fact, we have a lot of work to do. We may have saved the company, but we are gonna have to reorganize and streamline in just about every division. Let's start with the men's line. BROOKE: You're doing work? From in here? VICTORIA: Of course. Brooke, many captains of industry have done their best work while incarcerated. There's no shame in it. Let's get a meeting with the warden about these miserable jumpsuits. That'll be all, Adele. She's better than that Calliope. And besides, everyone in here needs their own bitch. BROOKE: Mom! VICTORIA: I'm just saying. I did not make the rules. So, I think we can spin this whole prison thing to our advantage. I want you to think of an urban direction for your new designs. I've been told I'm gonna have mad street credit when I get up out of here. BROOKE: Okay, I don't even know who you are right now. GOLF COURSE Alex joins Chase to play. ALEX: Morning, boyfriend. CHASE: Wow! I think I can get used to this whole dating this smoking-hot-actress thing. ALEX: Bartender -- smoking-hot bartender. CHASE: I stand corrected. MAN ON P.A.: Dupre twosome... Dupre twosome to the first tee. ALEX: Twosome. I like the sound of that. Don't you? PRISON Brooke leaves prison. BROOKE: Since when did my boyfriend become a stalkerazzi? JULIAN: It's this new digital camera. They're letting me demo it. Turns out I'm on the "hot young directors to watch" list. BROOKE: Oh. Well, you are kind of hot. JULIAN: Thanks. So, how is public enemy number one? BROOKE: Oddly enough, she seems to be adjusting to prison pretty well. She might actually be enjoying herself. Me? I have to jettison the men's line, reorganize the magazine staff, close half of our stores, and put up with an unbelievable amount of humiliating press. And scene. JULIAN: Let's take a drive. NALEY'S HOUSE Nathan is shaving, Haley comes to speak to him. HALEY: Hey! Good news. Quinn just called. They're releasing her today. NATHAN: Oh, that's great. I was actually gonna go check on Clay. Is there anything I can do? HALEY: Nope. I'm gonna get her. Thanks, though. Uh, actually, there is something I wanted to talk to you about. I was hoping that Quinn could stay with us, at least until Clay gets released. NATHAN: Sure. I think it's a good idea. HALEY: Okay, thanks. I love you. Have I told you lately what a great husband you are? NATHAN: Come here. HALEY:What? NATHAN: I'm sorry. I love you. HALEY: Love you, too. HOSPITAL Quinn sees to Clay to sleep. CLAY: You're still here? What, they won't give you your own room? QUINN: No. I happen to like the company in here a whole lot better. How you feeling? CLAY: Not so good. How do I look? Oh, no. Am I that bad? QUINN: No. You look perfect. It's just, um... For a while there, I wasn't sure if I was gonna be able to see you again. CLAY: I'm so sorry, Quinn. I should've seen it coming, and I should have protected you. QUINN: Don't. It's not your fault, and you know that. We're here, and we're together. And as long as we're together, we're gonna be okay. CLAY: We're gonna be more than okay. ONE TREE HILL - GENERIQUE GOLF COURSE CHASE: You ever play, uh, truth or dare golf? ALEX: Excuse me? CHASE: For whoever loses the hole, it's either a truth or a dare. Your pick. ALEX: Let's make it a dare. CHASE: Okay. Loser plays the next hole in their underwear. ALEX: Yeah... Like I'm wearing any underwear. CHASE: Alex Dupre, my girlfriend. This could get interesting. HOSPITAL Haley gathers clothing of Quinn. HALEY: I don't know. I thought that the people who would be calling in would be struggling, like I was, you know? QUINN: And that's not what's happening? HALEY: No, but if I need to start a 976 line or a cooking show, I'm golden. I don't think I've helped anybody. Well, it only takes one person, you know? QUINN: And at some point, you're gonna pick up that phone, and the person on the other end is really gonna need you. And you know what? HALEY: What? QUINN: They're gonna be lucky it was you who answered. HALEY: Hey, speaking of helping people, I've discussed it with Nathan, and we both decided that it would be best if you move in with us now that you're coming home. Just for a little while, at least until Clay is doing better. QUINN: And you're sure it won't be too much trouble? HALEY: Only if you argue with me. QUINN: Then I'd like that very much. (Nurse comes in) NURSE: Who's ready to be released? QUINN: Is that really necessary? NURSE: Sorry, honey. It's hospital policy. HALEY: I'll make sure she doesn't make a break for it. I got it from here. NURSE: Okay. HALEY: Are you ready to go home? QUINN: Yeah. You okay? HALEY: Sorry. Yeah, it's just, um... After the shooting, when you were unconscious, I prayed for this moment when you would come home to me. After losing mom, the thought of that not happening was just... QUINN: I know. I love you. HALEY: I love you, too. You want to see Clay on your way out? QUINN: Yes, please. HALEY: Okay. GOLF COURSE CHASE: Ahh! That feels sweet. That's another hole for me. You owe me a truth, so pony up, girlfriend. ALEX: What kind of truth? CHASE: Tell me a secret, something you've never, ever told anyone. ALEX: I've never been in love.I mean, I've had tons of boyfriends, and some of them I genuinely liked, but... I've never been in love. I've never had that one special person. I think I know what love is, what it should be, you know? At least I... I know enough to know I've never felt it before. CHASE: Well, you might not have ever been in love with them, all those other guys that you've dated, but...I can't imagine they weren't in love with you. ALEX: Think so? CHASE: Yeah. I do. ALEX: You know, you're a lot sweeter than I thought you'd be. CHASE: Mm. You haven't heard my next dare. ALEX: Oh! Come on! CASTLE Julian shows to Brooke castle who celebrate their wedding BROOKE: Oh, Julian. What fairy tale did you bring me to? JULIAN: This is the Biltmore estate. I thought it would be a nice spot for our wedding. I want my girl to have her dream. BROOKE: It's beautiful. But is this okay? I mean, with everything going on, this wouldn't be selfish? JULIAN: No. No, and know why? Because years from now, when we look back on this moment, we not gonna remember the trouble with your company, or the bad press, or even your mom being in jail. We're just gonna remember how great our wedding was. BROOKE: You think so? JULIAN: Yeah. I know so. And when we look back on it... I want to remember it like this...just...Perfect. You of all people deserve it. HOSPITAL Nathan is with Clay. CLAY: Hey, Quinn told me about what you were gonna do. Donating a kidney and ruining your career? That has to rate as one of your worst moves ever. What were you thinking, Nate? NATHAN: I was thinking you were gonna die. And that was completely unacceptable to me. CLAY: I love you for that, buddy, but...It would've killed me if you threw it all away for me. NATHAN: It's a game. Clay, some things are more important. And truth be told, it wasn't even a hard decision. No big deal. CLAY: Hey... It was a big deal. I mean, it's a really big deal. Thank you. COMMENTATOR: Yeah. Ohh! And that shot spells disaster for Daniels on the 18th. GOLF COURSE ALEX: This is kind of a disaster. CHASE: What? You're not having fun? ALEX: No. It's not that. It's just... I kind of suck. CHASE: You do not suck. ALEX: Come on. You're just saying that because you want to sleep with me. CHASE: I am not. ALEX: You don't want to sleep with me? CHASE: No, I do. I mean... I don't. ALEX: Do or don't. Make up your mind. CHASE: Can you just hit? Bad for you. Good for me. CLOTHES OVER BROS Man enters in the store. BROOKE: I'm sorry. We're closed. INVESTOR: Yeah, I-I know. BROOKE: Well, if you're press, I have no comment. INVESTOR: No. I'm not press. I'm actually just an investor who believed in your company. BROOKE: Oh. We did hit a rough patch, but I think that the company is gonna be okay. We are completely restructuring, and we will recover. INVESTOR: Well... This is a picture of my daughter...Faith. BROOKE: She's lovely. INVESTOR: She's a great student, a self-starter. In fact she just got accepted to college and was gonna study fashion design, just like you. I never really got a chance to go to college myself, but what I did, miss Davis, was I worked and I saved most of my life to make sure she'd be able to go. BROOKE: That's very nice. INVESTOR: Well, I just wanted a chance to meet you, and I really wanted you to have a chance to see her picture, because you're the reason I have to tell her tonight she won't be going to college after all. BROOKE: What do you mean? INVESTOR: I invested a hell of a lot of money with you, miss Davis. And my money's gone because you lied to us. You lied. And you should be ashamed of yourself. BROOKE: Sir, please wait. INVESTOR: But, uh, you know, I'm glad your company's gonna be okay. Wish I could say the same for my little girl. PRISON Brooke explains with Victoria the situation. VICTORIA: Well, what kind of idiot invests everything they have in a clothing line? BROOKE: The kind that trusted us. VICTORIA: They gambled on us, and it didn't work out. And when it didn't, somebody had to take the hit. Just be grateful it's not us. BROOKE: I want to pay them back. VICTORIA: You can't, not without losing the company entirely. We'd have to sell. BROOKE: Maybe we should. VICTORIA: Don't be crazy. You want to throw away everything we've built just to pay back every Tom, Dick, and Harry who's ever invested in Clothes Over Bros? BROOKE: Yes. They are people, mother. People with wives and husbands and children, and they trusted us. And for the record, they didn't invest in a company. They invested in me. Brooke Davis. VICTORIA: Don't do this, Brooke. If you do, it'll be the biggest mistake of your life! HOSPITAL Quinn goes to see Clay. CLAY: You ready? QUINN: No. CLAY: What do you mean? You're finally getting out of here. QUINN: I know. It just feels wrong, leaving without you. CLAY: Aw, come on. I'll be right behind you. I promise. QUINN: I'll call you every night. And I'll come visit you every day, okay? CLAY: I'm gonna hold you to that. We made it, Quinn. I love you, and we're gonna be together soon. Nothing's gonna stop that. Quinn leaves the hospital. HALEY: Let's go home. GOLF COURSE CHASE: I'm not sure, but I think my drive might be slightly better than yours. ALEX: You're such a show-off. It's no fair. Where'd you learn to play so well? CHASE: Well... Golf team. High School. ALEX: Ha ha! You in High School. I wish I could've seen you back then. CHASE: I was a little different. ALEX: Wait. Don't tell me. Let me guess. You were way cute. Kind of a good student until your a.D.D. Kicked in. You didn't hang with the jocks, but you weren't a geek. You were more of a skater boy, and people liked you. And the nice girls secretly crushed on you. How'd I do? CHASE: No girls crushed on me. ALEX: I said "secretly." CHASE: No girls crushed on me. I was a clean teen. ALEX: A what? CHASE: A clean teen. Virgin for life. ALEX: Wow. I didn't see that with my crystal ball. Why? CHASE: I wanted the first time to mean something. ALEX: So, um... How'd it go for you? CHASE: I let the clean teens down. I did, however, skate. I loved it. ALEX: See? I knew I was right about you. CHASE: All right. Let's play some golf. ALEX: Why are we stopping? CHASE: This is you. This is how far your drive went. ALEX: Okay, so maybe your drive was a little better than mine. And I think I was right about those girls crushing on you. But if I wasn't, I know one that's crushing pretty hard right now. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley washes Quinn's hair. QUINN: It's quiet around here. Where's Jamie? HALEY: Jamie has a play date with Chuck. I just wanted to make sure everything was really peaceful for you when you got home. QUINN: Hales, that's nice, but you don't have to change things around here because of me. You know, I can...I can get this. HALEY: No, you...I... QUINN: No, I can get this myself. I'm -- look, I'm fine, really. HALEY: The doctor said that he wants you to take it easy for right now, okay? And that's exactly what we're gonna do. I've got your room all set up. I'm gonna cook you a really nice dinner, and everything will perfect. Oh, I forgot. I wanted to call Nathan to make sure he stops by the beach house to get the rest of your things. HOSPITAL Nathan was answered at Haley's call. NATHAN(at phone): Yeah, no problem. Yeah, I'll stop by when I'm done with Clay. Yeah, I love you, too. Bye. CLAY: You've got an amazing wife, Mr. Scott. NATHAN: You play your cards right, you might have one, too. CLAY: No, I'm serious. Haley's got things here under control. You should go to camp. It's important. NATHAN: So is this. CLAY: Nate... Quinn's home. I'm gonna be out of here soon. But the game is not gonna wait for you. You've got to get back to camp. NALEY'S HOUSE Julian brings flowers for Quinn. HALEY: Ooh, more flowers... very nice! Who are these from? JULIAN: They're from me and Brooke for Quinn. HALEY: Of course they're from Brooke. They're the nicest. She's such a girl. Thank you. JULIAN:Yeah. HALEY: Hi. JULIAN: Hi. How's Quinn doing? HALEY: She's good. I'm just glad she's home. You know? JULIAN: Yeah. So, uh, where's the little guy? HALEY: He's at a play date. JULIAN: Damn! I was hoping you'd let me kidnap him for the afternoon. HALEY: Aww, that's so sweet. He loves hanging out with you and Brooke. JULIAN: In fact...and I guess this is really why I'm here. I know you have a lot going on right now. You know, you need anything, anything at all, we want you guys to just pick up the phone. Okay? HALEY: Thank you. We will. JULIAN: Good. Okay. All right. I got to go. Um, tell Jamie hi, and give our best to Quinn. HALEY: I will. Thanks. JULIAN: I picked out the flowers, by the way. HALEY: You did? JULIAN: Yeah. HALEY: I'm sorry. I didn't reali...they're... I mean, gee, you did a beautiful job. JULIAN: Yeah? HALEY: Yeah. JULIAN: I mean, I was hoping for calla lilies, but I had to settle for regular lilies. I think the snapdragons really complement them. In my mind, they really make the arrangement. I'm just... Going to go. GOLF COURSE CHASE: Let me see. You owe me four dinners, three breakfasts in bed, a bunch of lap dances, and a car Wash. It's the last hole. Let's make it a good one. What are we playing for? ALEX: Loser does whatever the winner wants. No questions asked. CHASE: That's big. ALEX: Very big. CHASE: I admire your gusto. Ooh-hoo-hoo. Come on. You can do this. Just keep your head down. You know how to keep your head down, don't you? ALEX: Okay, that's heckling. CHASE: I'm not heckling. ALEX: Sexual innuendo is heckling. CHASE: Hey, that is your interpretation, not mine. I'm just giving pointers. ALEX: Heckler! Damn it, man! CHASE: Wait. ALEX: Oh! CHASE: Ho! ALEX: Yay! CHASE: She's still alive, ladies and gentlemen. It's a 30-foot putt, but she's still in it! CLINN'S HOUSE The house is still under seal. Nathan goes to pick some clothes for Quinn. He enters in the bedroom and sees blood on the fitted carpet. CHASE: Ohh! Come on! ALEX: Still in the game. CHASE: Okay, I missed. So make this putt, and you win the dare. ALEX: After what you've put me though, you better hope i miss this, pal. CHASE: Ah. Oh, come on. No! ALEX: Yes! Yes! Whoo-hoo! CHASE: Wow. Okay. Mm-hmm. Let me have it. What do you want me to do? Carry your purse for a week? Sing to you every night? Drive home naked? ALEX: Hmm. You need to kiss me... Right...Here. Whoo! NALEY'S HOUSE Quinn sees draw making by Jamie. CLUB TRIC Julian joins Nathan at the bar. JULIAN: Tough day. NATHAN: Tough couple weeks. I just left Clay's house. JULIAN: Oh. Anybody been out there since... NATHAN: No. And I'll tell you something. You walk into something like that, and suddenly all your own problems don't seem like such a big deal. JULIAN: Yeah. Well, I got next round. Can I get a couple beers here? NATHAN: Look, I've been meaning to thank you. JULIAN: For what? NATHAN: For spending time with Jamie. JULIAN: Oh. Don't mention it. He's a great kid. We've been playing baseball. Kid totally fixed my swing. He's great. He loves it, so... Nice work, dad. NATHAN: Baseball, huh? JULIAN: Yep, of course, he told me he's gonna play basketball like his old man does. NATHAN: You mean like his old man used to. JULIAN: What? I've been avoiding it now for a while, but, uh...My back is done. So... I'm gonna finish this beer, and then I'm gonna go home and tell my wife that I'm done playing. JULIAN: Wow. That's huge. When did you decide that? NATHAN: Just this second. JULIAN: Why? NATHAN: Haley's pregnant. Clay and Quinn are recovering, and, uh... I didn't even know my own son liked baseball. Listen, um...Give Brooke my best. And tell her I said not to be afraid of what comes next. JULIAN: Okay. NALEY'S HOUSE Halley brings a soup to Quinn. HALEY: Hey... I made your favorite chicken and dumpling soup, just the way mom used to make it. QUINN: What? HALEY: Are you okay? QUINN: Yeah. You know, some people are clearly just angels sent down to earth to take care of the rest of us. I'm just lucky that one of those angels is my sister. Thank you. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Julian goes home. JULIAN: Hey. Haley says Quinn loved the flowers. What's wrong? BROOKE: I'm gonna lose my company. JULIAN: What do you mean? I thought Victoria fixed it. BROOKE: She did. And you know how? By screwing our investors. We are surviving at the expense of all these people who put their hard-earned savings in our hands. JULIAN: Okay, well... There's got to be some other way out. BROOKE: I've gone over everything. There isn't. How can I set foot in my store, in our offices, knowing that I kept them by deceiving people? I can't. It's over. JULIAN: You know, Brooke... At the end of the day, all you really own in this world is your integrity and once you give that up, you can't ever buy it back. BROOKE: I know. JULIAN: Hey, come here. You're doing the right thing. And I love you for that. NALEY'S HOUSE Nathan brings back clothing of Quinn. HALEY: Oh, you've got Quinn's bags. You're a life saver. Thank you. NATHAN: How is she? HALEY: Um... She's okay, I think. I'm just glad she's home. Hey, um... I wanted to say thank you. NATHAN: For what? HALEY: For staying. I don't know what I would've done. I don't know how I would've gotten through all this without you. NATHAN: I couldn't imagine being any place else right now. HALEY: So, when do you leave for camp? NATHAN: I don't. I'm not going to. I've been thinking a lot about this, and I feel like my back is just too much of a risk. And obviously, this is a decision we have to make together. 'Cause if I retire, our life is gonna change. HALEY: Wow. NATHAN: Yeah. HALEY: Okay. Well, what do you want? NATHAN: I made it to the league, you know? I had a dream, and I lived it, and that is more than most people ever get. I just -- I have this voice in my head that keeps saying, "walk away from the game while you can still walk away from the game." And I just... I want to be healthy for you and Jamie and the baby, so even if that means never playing again... HALEY: Then that's what I want. Because if there's one thing I've learned from all this, it's that money and things don't matter. It's just...Us. And our family. NATHAN: Then I guess you better get used to having me around. HALEY: Are you okay... I mean, are you gonna be okay with this? NATHAN: I'll be fine. I'm ready for the rest of my life, and I'm happy I get to spend it with you. Nathan brings clothing in the room of Quinn. NATHAN: Just brought some of your stuff from the beach house. How you doing? QUINN: I'm okay. You know, when I'm not, Haley makes it better. NATHAN: Word of advice? Do what she says. I've found that to be the best strategy. Okay. QUINN: Nathan? NATHAN: Yeah? QUINN: How was it? The beach house? NATHAN: It's fine. It'll be good for you and Clay to get back home when...when you're ready. QUINN: Yeah. When we're ready. HOTEL ROOM Alex goes back in her room. ALEX: That was fun. I had a really good time. CHASE: Me too. And just so you know, I do think we make a pretty good twosome. ALEX: You're sweet. I would invite you in, but, um, I think I really like you, so... I'll see you. CHASE: Okay. That makes no sense at all, but I like you, too, so...good night. ALEX: Hey. Are you really leaving? CHASE: Yeah. ALEX: I knew I was right about you. Get in here. CRISIS INTERVENTIONS HALEY: I know it's scary that he's up there. Yes, well, if you leave him be, and he will come down, I promise. Yep, I'm sure. How do I know? I know because...have you ever seen a dead cat up a tree? Okay, that was rude. (Haley starts to go but phone rings) HALEY: See you guys later. Crisis intervention hotline. How can I help you? WOMAN: Yeah. Um... I'm not sure if I should be calling. I'm having a hard time, and I just needed someone to talk to. HALEY: Okay. What's your name? WOMAN: Do I have to give my name? HALEY: No. WOMAN: I'd rather not. HALEY: Uh, well, why don't you tell me what's wrong? WOMAN: Well, that's why I'm not sure if this is where I should be calling. Because it's... It's sort of everything, and it's nothing. I mean, when I think of my life and who I am... I guess I'm just struggling to believe in it all, you know? That good things will happen to good people, that things will work out, that it gets better. Are you still there? HALEY: Yes. WOMAN: Maybe this was a mistake. HALEY: No. It wasn't. This is exactly where you should be calling. Tell me what you're afraid of and what makes you feel like this. WOMAN: Failure, I guess. ATTORNEY'S OFFICE ATTORNEY: So, you see, even if you were to liquidate all the company's assets, you'd only be able to pay back your investors 70% of what they lost. BROOKE: What if I need it to be 100%? ATTORNEY: Well, that's just not possible. Where would you secure the cash reserves? BROOKE: What if I liquidate everything? ATTORNEY: Are we talking about your personal fortune? BROOKE: Everything I have. Everything I own. Will that do it? ATTORNEY: Yes. BROOKE: Do it. HOSPITAL Quinn lengthens on the bed beside Clay. HALEY(Voice-over): We all struggle. It's part of life. It's part of living. CLAY: Mm. What are you doing here? You should be home in bed. QUINN: We should be in bed. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Julian looks at the report which he made today about Nathan. HALEY(Voice-over): Do you have anybody that can help you while you struggle? WOMAN(Voice-over): No. And that's the worst part...the loneliness. A crushing, black loneliness that makes me feel like...like there's no magic left in the world. CLINN'S HOUSE Nathan cleans blood that there is on the fitted carpet. HALEY(Voice-over): I know the future is scary. I know the world can be threatening. But you should know that sometimes when things seem most the desperate, people find you. Help is out there. And you are not alone. End of the episode.

Plan: A: Brooke; Q: Who sells her entire company to pay back investors? A: Nathan; Q: Who decides to stay in Tree Hill? A: their careers; Q: What do Brooke and Nathan make big decisions about? A: Quinn; Q: Who wants to be by Clay's side? A: the shooting; Q: What is Quinn recovering from? A: All Time Low; Q: What band is this episode named after? A: Susie Suh; Q: Who performed the opening theme song? Summary: Brooke and Nathan make big decisions regarding their careers. Brooke sells her entire company to pay back investors while Nathan decides to stay in Tree Hill for good because of his back problems. Meanwhile, Quinn deals with recovering from the shooting while wanting to be by Clay's side. This episode is named after a song by All Time Low . Opening theme song performed by Susie Suh .

THE UNDERWATER MENACE by GEOFFREY ORME first broadcast - 21st January 1967 [SCENE_BREAK] 1. OPERATING ROOM (POLLY struggles as two assistants hold her on the table.) DAMON: One tiny jab, and you'll know nothing more about it until it's all over. (He prepares the injection.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. ZAROFF'S LAB ZAROFF: And so you see my friend it is all so simple. When Atlantis was submerged, at the time of the flood, some life continued in air pockets in the mountain's caves, thanks to the natural air shaft provided by the extinct volcano. You, ah, like my laboratory, yes? You find all this very impressive, No? DOCTOR: No, not a bit, not a bit. ZAROFF: What do you mean? DOCTOR: I expected nothing less from the great Professor Zaroff. [SCENE_BREAK] 3. OPERATING ROOM (POLLY struggles.) DAMON: The lights are playing up again. Go and see what's wrong. No wait. I'd better go myself. Zaroff might listen to me. Look after the girl. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. ZAROFF'S LAB ZAROFF: Yes, we haff come a long way in our research, and luckily the riches of Atlantis haff provided ample means. (He goes over to the octopus tank.) ZAROFF: Ah! So you are hungry today? Did I forget to feed you? Is beautiful, no? (DAMON enters.) DAMON: Zaroff! ZAROFF: Not now, Damon, can't you see I am talking with my friend here. DAMON: This won't wait. If I am to operate on the girl, I must have light. ZAROFF: One operation, one girl, you are making an unnecessary fuss. DAMON: I know what's going on. You're using so much voltage on the project that all civil use is curtailed. ZAROFF: Ridiculous. I will show you. You follow me. Open the panel. Ridiculous. There's nothing wrong with the civil supply, there's never anything wrong. Look. The supply to your clinic is always adequate and cannot be affected by demands elsewhere. DAMON: Zaroff... ZAROFF: The fault must lie at your own intake. DAMON: It's easy to make excuses. ZAROFF: Excuses! Who taught you, Damon? Everything you know, I taught you. Yes, I made you so I can break you. [SCENE_BREAK] 5. OPERATING ROOM (It is dark.) FIRST ASSISTANT: Zaroff won't listen to him. You'd better go and get some light from somewhere. You'll find some in the old quarters. Don't worry prisoner, we won't keep you waiting long. (He sees ARA.) FIRST ASSISTANT: Ah, you, girl, come here. Keep watch on the prisoner while I search for fuses, and don't try any tricks, understand? Or it will be worse for you. POLLY: I understand. (The two assistants leave.) ARA: Girl? POLLY: What? ARA: Don't speak, just follow me. POLLY: I can't see anything. ARA: Hold my hand. I'm used to the dark. Hurry before they get back. [SCENE_BREAK] 6. ZAROFF'S LAB DOCTOR: I can't think of how I came to be so clumsy. I must have bumped into it. DAMON: You're not clumsy, Doctor, you did it on purpose. But you won't save the girl. ZAROFF: Oh no Doctor, you are staying here with me. DOCTOR: As your prisoner? ZAROFF: Let us say as my guest. [SCENE_BREAK] 7. TUNNEL ARA: It's all clear, come on. POLLY: Ooo. Whew. I feel as though I've run a hundred miles. But where? ARA: I know where to hide you. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] 8. ZAROFF'S LAB ZAROFF: Damon? Ah. A certain Atlantean, a primitive. Clever, but no vision. DOCTOR: Professor, you have offered these people a very big sugar-coated pill to make them accept you, yes? ZAROFF: I turn their dreams and prophecies to my own means. DOCTOR: The dreams of a people living on a drowned continent must be... ZAROFF: ...to lift Atlantis from the ocean. Make it rise out again. DOCTOR: Exactly. Now, how are you going to do it? Even a genius like you... ZAROFF: Look. (He shows the DOCTOR a model.) ZAROFF: Atlantis underwater. DOCTOR: A very large mass to lift. ZAROFF: If I can't lift it then I must lower the water level. You see the valve there? DOCTOR: Yes, may I? ZAROFF: Please. (The DOCTOR operates ZAROFF's model. The water drains away.) ZAROFF: Simple, isn't it? DOCTOR: Yes, but you haven't got a drain big enough to take an ocean. ZAROFF: Then I will make one. DOCTOR: Excuse me, I'm a little lost. The crust of the Earth is more than a hundred miles thick. Below that is believed to be a white-hot molten core. Now where is your ocean going to go? ZAROFF: That is my secret. DOCTOR: Oh, now you're making fun of me, Professor. ZAROFF: No, no. DOCTOR: Even supposing you could drill to the depth of a hundred miles... ZAROFF: There is a place where a fissure reduces the distance to less than fifteen miles. DOCTOR: It's still an enormous obstacle. ZAROFF: But not insurmountable! We haff been vorking on it for many years. DOCTOR: Even if... ZAROFF: Excuse me, I haff been interrupted. (ZAROFF turns to some other task.) DOCTOR: But Professor? ZAROFF: Yes? DOCTOR: Even supposing you succeeded, you know what will happen, don't you? ZAROFF: YOU tell me, Doctor. DOCTOR: Well, the water will be converted into superheated steam, the pressure will grow, and crack the crust of the Earth. Destroy all life, maybe even blow the planet apart. ZAROFF: Yes. And I shall haff redeemed my promise to lift Atlantis from the sea. Lift it to the sky! It will be magnificent. DOCTOR: Yes... ZAROFF: Bang! Bang! Bang, bang! That's all. DOCTOR: Yes. Just one small question. Why do you want to blow up the world? ZAROFF: Why? You, a scientist, ask me why? The achievement, my dear Doctor. The deshtruction of the world. The schientists' dream of supreme POWER! [SCENE_BREAK] 9. MINE OVERSEER: Only four loads today? You'll have to increase output or you'll be joining our fish friends. Alright, get on with it. I've another two for you. Alright, this way, follow me. (BEN and JAMIE are brought in. The OVERSEER goes to two other miners.) OVERSEER: What's this? SEAN: Huh? OVERSEER: Slacking? SEAN: Oh I'm sorry I can't hear a word you're saying. Splitting with the noise. OVERSEER: What have you got there? JACKO: Who, me? OVERSEER: Guard! Search that man. GUARD: Nothing here. (SEAN deftly passes the object he has to JAMIE.) OVERSEER: Search the other. (SEAN is ticklish, he giggles.) GUARD: Nothing on this one either. OVERSEER: Alright, this time you're lucky. These two have just joined us. Teach them to be useful. JACKO: That was close. What is it? (He shows BEN the object he was concealing - a compass.) BEN: What's the secret about a compass? SEAN: It's as important as eyes down here. Thanks chum. If they had found that on us we'd have been for the high jump, I tell you. JAMIE: Why d'ye pass it on to me though? Suppose they'd caught me with it? SEAN: Ha ha. Well they didn't, did they? BEN: Are you planning something, then? SEAN: That's our business. JAMIE: What's the matter with you? Are we not all in the same boat? JACKO: That's right, Jock, and we don't want no one to rock it. JAMIE: The name happens to be Jamie and... SEAN: No no no, take no notice, he's a bit like that, you see. BEN: Hey, watch it, there's a guard looking this way. SEAN: Oh, make out we're working. [SCENE_BREAK] 10. ZAROFF'S LAB ZAROFF: Your calculations cannot be correct. Let me see. DAMON: Professor? ZAROFF: Not now, Damon. (To the DOCTOR.) Come with me. DOCTOR: Ah, Mr. Damon, you're back. Did your operation go well? DAMON: The girl escaped. DOCTOR: Oh dear. How very frustrating for you. DAMON: We'll get her back. DOCTOR: Oh yes, yes of course you will. Very important to you, isn't it? I mean you want all the human labour you can get, don't you? DAMON: Yes. But it's cheap and plentiful. We pick up survivors from shipwrecks who would otherwise be corpses and convert them to fish people. DOCTOR: Amazing. The Professor leads the field in scientific discoveries. Hmm. What a fantastic conception, to control the world from a test tube. DAMON: That's right. DOCTOR: Well two can play at that game, have you ever seen this? (The DOCTOR throws a test tube to the floor, it breaks releasing a gas. DAMON collapses.) DAMON: Stop it, stop it. Don't let him get away. [SCENE_BREAK] 11. TUNNEL ARA: You understand, you must hide and wait until I can fetch you. Don't be worried. POLLY: Yes, but... ARA: Don't make a sound. POLLY: No, alright. [SCENE_BREAK] 12. MINE (It is lunch break - plankton again.) BEN: Don't you ever get sick of this seafood? JACKO: You learn to live with it. SEAN: Just watch it though, they haven't found any way of keeping it fresh. In a few hours it's putrid. JAMIE: Tell me, why do you need a compass? SEAN: Oh, there's no point in making a break without one, is there? JACKO: Why don't you shout it out to the guards? BEN: Look mate, do yourself a favour and stop treating us as if we're one of them. Look, Jamie and I don't intend to stop here, either. SEAN: See, I told you. Now come on boys, will you cheer up? JACKO: Alright, alright. BEN: How do you intend going about it? JAMIE: Aye, how? There's guards all over. BEN: Well come on, give. SEAN: Right. Well while I was mining a shaft, um, I came along the, ah, entrance to a little underground tunnel like this, you see? BEN: Yup. JAMIE: Where does it lead, though? SEAN: Well we haven't been able to explore it, we'll jast have to take the chance. Now if we go, there'll be no turning back. You understand? JACKO: We make it or we don't. SEAN: Are you with us, Ben? BEN: Yeah, count me in. JAMIE: Aye, when do we go? JACKO: When the chance comes. SEAN: And we jump fast, do y'hear me? (The OVERSEER arrives.) OVERSEER: They need extra labour up at the project. You two join the lineup for selection. (He walks on.) BEN: Now's our chance, we're off. SEAN: By Christopher you're right. If we disappear now they'll think we've gone to the project work gang. OK, Jacko? JACKO: Oh it'll give us a start anyway. BEN: Right now look, you go first Jacko, that'll show Jamie and me where the entrance is, then you go Sean... JAMIE: And then you, then me. (A whistle sounds. The miners form a lineup.) OVERSEER: Right, you... you... you... JAMIE: How about me, sir? OVERSEER: You're too new. Get out of my way. You... you... BEN: I volunteer sir. OVERSEER: Too new. BEN: Oh, but sir... OVERSEER: Go and join your friend... you... (JAMIE rejoins the lineup.) OVERSEER: I thought I told you to get out of my way. JAMIE: Aye, sir, I'm just going, sir. (To miners.) Thanks, boys. BEN: Come on now, we haven't got all day. JACKO: Take a long time to me. SEAN: Is that you? JAMIE: Aye. BEN: Come on, hurry up. SEAN: And bring the light. [SCENE_BREAK] 13. TUNNEL JAMIE: Alright? BEN: Look, suppose this don't lead anyplace, and we want to come back? SEAN: Oh you won't mate. They'll kill runaway workers on sight. [SCENE_BREAK] 14. PASSAGE OUTSIDE THE TEMPLE (DAMON and his guards search.) DAMON: We better try the small chamber. Nothing here. Compression chamber next. (The DOCTOR is hiding in the shadows.) DAMON: Seen any strangers, girl? ARA: No sir, nobody. (DAMON and his guards continue on.) DOCTOR: Ara? No wait, Ara, its me. ARA: Oh, it's you. DOCTOR: Where's Polly? ARA: Safe. I'm taking her some food and clothes. DOCTOR: Good girl. Well done, Ara. Where can I find your Chief of State? ARA: In the council chamber, why? DOCTOR: I want to talk to him. Can you take me to him? ARA: Yes, but he'll hand you over. DOCTOR: We'll have to take that risk. (DAMON and the guards have returned. Another priest meets them at the entrance of the temple.) DAMON: I'll be outside. Keep your eyes skinned for escaped prisoners. RAMO: Well where are the others now? DAMON: The two young men are at the mines. The girl is still at large. So is the Doctor. But we'll find them. They cannot get away. RAMO: Now what does Zaroff think of it all? DAMON: Oh he's furious, of course. Could upset his plans. RAMO: He should not have interfered with the temple sacrifice. DAMON: You've always hated him, haven't you? RAMO: He's a destroyer. He appeals to all that is base in our people. He should never have come to Atlantis. DAMON: But without him, Atlantis will never rise again from the sea. DOCTOR: (Whispers.) Have to get Damon away. I want to talk to the priest alone. ARA: I'll try. (ARA approaches DAMON and RAMO.) ARA: If you please? Master? DAMON: Yes, yes? ARA: I believe I have seen the girl you are looking for. DAMON: Where? ARA: Down by the market. DAMON: Show me. (She leaves with DAMON and the guards. The DOCTOR emerges from his concealment.) DOCTOR: Can I have a word with you, Ramo? RAMO: Doctor! Dam...! DOCTOR: We're both on the same side, Ramo. You distrust Zaroff out of instinct, I distrust him because I know the truth. RAMO: Why should I trust you? DOCTOR: That's a very good question. I wish I could think of a good answer. RAMO: Alright, tell me what you know. DOCTOR: Can we talk here? RAMO: I know a place where we shan't be interrupted. [SCENE_BREAK] 15. A FORK IN THE TUNNEL JACKO: Which way now? BEN: Thisaway, or thataway? SEAN: Oh one is as good as the other. JAMIE: Well let's try fifty paces up each tunnel, then turn back. BEN: Yeah. JAMIE: Jacko? I suppose I'll go with you. We'll take the high road. JACKO: Oh, let's go then. BEN: Which leaves us with... BEN & SEAN: ...the low road. [SCENE_BREAK] 16. PASSAGE, OUTSIDE A ROOM RAMO: Come this way. We shall not be interrupted here. (They enter.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17. RAMO'S QUARTERS RAMO: Now, tell me what you found out about Zaroff. DOCTOR: He says that he's going to raise Atlantis, yes? That's not quite true, he intends to destroy Atlantis. RAMO: A difficult task. DOCTOR: It's easier than raising it. RAMO: How will he destroy us? DOCTOR: He intends to drill a hole through the earth's crust, and drain away the ocean, yes? RAMO: Yes. DOCTOR: Have you any idea what will happen if he does that? I'll show you. May I? (The DOCTOR places a pot in the fireplace. He screws the lid on tight.) DOCTOR: This pot is the earth. This is the ocean. The ocean drains into the earth. Now, but the centre of the earth is hot, far hotter than this fire. So what happens? RAMO: But this is child's play. What has this to do with Zaroff's project? DOCTOR: This pot is Zaroff's project. Watch. Now the pot begins to boil, but the steam can't get out, and so... I think we better stand a little further back... get down! (The steam pressure blows the pot apart.) DOCTOR: This is what will happen. Zaroff intends to raise Atlantis... but in little pieces. RAMO: You swear this is true? DOCTOR: Well I thought I might mention it, of course if you don't mind being blown up... RAMO: Can you stop him? DOCTOR: Could I? I am not the ruler of Atlantis. RAMO: If I took you to our ruler Thous, could you convince him? DOCTOR: I might. RAMO: Wait here. (RAMO leaves, the DOCTOR blows a tune on his recorder as he waits.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18. TUNNEL BEN & SEAN: Thirty eight, thirty nine, forty. BEN: Well what beats me is why Atlantis hasn't been discovered before. SEAN: Oh, maybe it has, but nobody got back home to tell the tale. BEN: Oo yeah, could be. Hey! (They hear someone else in the tunnel. They grab the figure.) JACKO: Hey! It's me. SEAN: Awful sorry, can't be too careful these days. BEN: Yeah but where's Jamie? He went with you. JACKO: We've gone on, I came back to collect you and Sean. BEN: Now what do we do, we're not even at the end of this one yet. SEAN: I think the best thing to do, is you go back to Jamie and I'll go on and meet you in ten minutes. BEN: Oh yeah, but where? SEAN: Where, at the, uh... at the fork. Okay? BEN: Right. [SCENE_BREAK] 19. RAMO'S QUARTERS (RAMO returns carrying a priest's robe.) RAMO: Put this on, could you? DOCTOR: Could I? RAMO: With these robes, no one will challenge you. DOCTOR: Ha haha. How do I look? RAMO: What? DOCTOR: Never mind. [SCENE_BREAK] 20. TUNNEL BEN: JAMIE! JAMIE: (OOV, faintly.) I'm here. BEN: JAMIE! JAMIE: Down here! BEN: Okay, mate. We're with you. Are you hurt? JAMIE: No, but watch it, the rock's slippery. BEN: Don't worry about us, just cling on. SEAN: How far down is he? BEN: About ten feet, I'd say. SEAN: What's that in metres? BEN: Why don't you get further along there. (They lower a rope.) BEN: Can you reach it? (JAMIE misses.) BEN: Try again. Now the other hand. (JACKO nearly slips.) BEN: Oh, Jacko! JAMIE: I think I got a foothold now. (JAMIE is pulled onto the ledge.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21. TEMPLE (POLLY looks in disgust at the idol of the goddess AMDO.) POLLY: Huh, you needn't think I'm afraid of you, you stupid thing. (The four escapees emerge from the tunnel into the temple, right behind the idol of AMDO.) SEAN: Come on, quietly. BEN: Blimey, look where we are. JAMIE: Back at the temple! SEAN: Somebody down there. POLLY: Boo. BEN: Ah, it's Polly! Alright. JAMIE: Polly! JACKO: You know her? BEN: Yeah of course I do, she's one of our lot. POLLY: But what happened to you? BEN: Well we found a tunnel in the mines that lead into this idol. JAMIE: So here we are. (BEN notices POLLY's Atlantean dress.) BEN: What's this rigout in aid of? POLLY: They were going to turn me into a fish. BEN: (Laughing.) Into a fish? POLLY: It's not funny! SEAN: I'm Sean, this is Jacko. JAMIE: Have you seen the Doctor? POLLY: Not since he went off with Professor Zaroff. Why, haven't you? BEN: No, but I'd love to know what he's up to. [SCENE_BREAK] 22. OUTSIDE THOUS' CHAMBER DOCTOR: Ramo, this ruler of yours, is he... RAMO: His name is Thous. He believes Zaroff to be the deliverer of Atlantis. [SCENE_BREAK] 23. THOUS' CHAMBER (The DOCTOR and RAMO enter.) THOUS: Good evening, Brothers of the Temple. Please be seated. What is this important business you want to tell me about? RAMO: Most excellent Thous, this is a matter of life and death. Under no other circumstances would I have brought a stranger to you in temple garb. THOUS: A stranger? Who are you? DOCTOR: A man of science. THOUS: Science? Ah, I see, one of Professor Zaroff's colleagues. Perhaps we should ask him to join us. DOCTOR: Oh no no, I wouldn't do that if I were you, in fact um, I er, I wanted to speak to you alone, Excellency. THOUS: Well, speak. DOCTOR: Excellency, the Professor is a wonderful man. THOUS: Wonderful? DOCTOR: A worker of miracles. THOUS: Indeed, you speak the truth. DOCTOR: But, have you noticed his eyes lately? THOUS: No. DOCTOR: When he talks of his project, have you noticed his eyes, they light up like this! THOUS: What does this mean? DOCTOR: The Professor is as mad as a hatter. THOUS: Mad? Zaroff? DOCTOR: Completely. No answer. It's sad. THOUS: I do not understand. RAMO: We... we believe Zaroff to be working toward the destruction of Atlantis, not it's resurrection. THOUS: I have heard such words from you before, Ramo. RAMO: This man has proved it to me. Zaroff's plan will split the world in two, this is not the action of a sane man. THOUS: But your own priests proclaimed him to be the prophet who would raise us above the sea. RAMO: Lolem, he is old and superstitious. THOUS: And your superior, Ramo, remember that! DOCTOR: So you will not listen to us? THOUS: I did not say that. I have heard your arguments. DOCTOR: We've only just begun. THOUS: I've heard enough. Now leave me, and I will consider what you have said. RAMO: I know you will choose well for all our sakes. [SCENE_BREAK] 24. TUNNEL, BEHIND THE IDOL ARA: Oh, I'm sorry I'm so long, here's some food. JAMIE: Ah, food. POLLY: Super. Thanks, Ara. Look at this! Why are you doing all this for us? ARA: You were kind to me, and I hate Zaroff. JAMIE: You hate Zaroff? ARA: We are not all his slaves. He will find out one day. SEAN: Let's hope we find out soon. Do you want all that food for yourself, Ben? BEN: Oh, sorry. Look, Ara, have you seen anything of the Doctor? ARA: Yes, I'll take you to him later. BEN: What's that? ARA: Oo, quickly, we must hide. They're coming. JAMIE: Back where we came from, Ben. BEN: Right, the safest place in the whole of Atlantis. SEAN: There's no need to be afraid, girl. POLLY: Aren't you coming with us, Ara? ARA: No, I must stay here, I'll be missed. JAMIE: You to remain... SEAN: Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] 25. THOUS' CHAMBER (The DOCTOR and RAMO are ushered back in.) THOUS: I have given much thought to your words, and I have come to a decision. (ZAROFF and some guards enter.) THOUS: There, is your answer. Do with them what you will!

Plan: A: Ara; Q: Who tries to save Polly? A: a Fish Person; Q: What does Zaroff want to turn Polly into? A: the mines; Q: What are Ben and Jamie trying to escape from? A: the Doctor; Q: Who discovers the full extent of Zaroff's plans? Summary: While Ara tries to save Polly from being turned into a Fish Person and Ben and Jamie try to escape from the mines, the Doctor discovers the full extent of Zaroff's plans.