Datasets:

jingjietan

/

polarity-sentiment

like 0

" rebel without a cause " is such an important film in american history because it is a true analysis of youth in america that everyone of all ages can relate to . everyone feels that they are different in some way , that they don't belong in some places and " rebel without a cause " successfully shows on screen these universal emotions . no matter what generation you belong to , these feelings are present . this is why james dean is admired by america , because in this film he represents us all and his actions are actions that we would also execute . in our minds , we just try to do the right thing just like dean's jim stark does . not only does " rebel without a cause " display these universal emotions for all to relate to but it also shows that america has suffered a uniqe pattern in its social structure . each generation looks at its past generation without a strong connection . this is because times change and in response people change . no matter how popular you were once , as your generation grows older , newer breeds look at you in a different light . this is why stark and his friends never could form a strong relationship with their parents . even if their parents insisted that they were also rebellious and troublesome in the past , the teens could not believe this . in one humorous scene , stark , his girlfriend judy ( natalie wood ) , and his pal plato ( sal mineo ) pretend they are adults . they use upper class british accents and in their conversations they make it out to appear that kids are no good and should be ignored . this scene shows that what was once cool in a past generation is the complete opposite in another . speaking on behalf of my generation , i feel that dean has lost a lot of his coolness from our perspective as the years have grown by . the only ones who seem to still lionize him are those members of his generation . same goes for brando , redford , even deniro . i can only imagine how vaguely matt damon , ben affleck , and brad pitt will be viewed at the mid point of the twenty first century . will dean even be remembered when these newcomers are forgotten ? any film that sparks this kind of thought is certainly a milestone in american film . even if " rebel without a cause " has some ridiculous scenes ( the game of chicken - did people really act this way ? ) , an unbelievable conclusion ( how did everyone end up at the abandoned mansion at the end ? ) , and a silly romance ( wood declares her love for dean after talking to him for a couple hours ) it still is a fabulous film . the acting is so believable that it is no wonder that dean was considered the epitome of cool . now , however , the coolness is fading . . .

by phil curtolo mel gibson ( braveheart ) gave a gripping performance as the father of a young kidnapped boy in ron howard's ransom . gibson plays tom mullen , a wealthy business tycoon whose past actions are coming back to haunt him as a deranged psychopath , played by gary sinise ( forrest gump ) , and his band of low-life thugs kidnap his only son for $2 million . tom and his wife , kate , played by rene russo ( tin cup ) were instructed not to inform the police , but they contacted the fbi . minutes later , an elite team of agents led by delroy lindo ( broken arrow ) are in tom's house and wiring every phone . the plot sounds average , just like most other kidnap movies that you've already seen , and it was nothing more than that . that is until about half-way through the movie . suddenly , tom goes to the fox 5 news room and makes a live broadcast saying , " this is your ransom . but this is as close as you will ever get to it . instead , i am offering this money as a reward on your head , dead or alive . " at this point , the plot thickened , and the unusually slow start of the film turned into a suspense-filled action film with great stunts . the last half of the film is very well done . another thing that carries this film are the superb performances by gibson and sinise , as they collide in a game of wits over their cellular phones for most of the movie . owen gleiberman of entertainment weekly commented on the subject : " it makes you wonder what kidnappers did before cell phones . " before this movie , sinise played mostly " good guys , " first in of mice & men , then in forrest gump , and most recently , in apollo 13 . but he was surprisingly devilish and cold in his portrayal of a cop-gone-bad . gibson , of course , was just being gibson , in an oscar-worthy performance . although most of the scenes were quite predictable , ransom is a very entertaining and suspenseful film . ,

on seeing the outrageous previews for bulworth one wonders what plot could possibly allow beatty get away with making those statements ( in case you missed it , warren beatty plays a politician on the campaign trail . he says to a black congregation " . . . if you can't cut down on malt liquor and chicken wings and get behind someone other than a running back who stabs his wife , you're never gonna get rid of me . " ) well , there is such a plot , and it works very well in this comedy . beatty plays jay billington bulworth , a long-time democratic senator from california . the movie opens on a painfully repetitious montage of bulworth's latest commercials condemning affirmative action . the montage is ironically intercut with pictures of martin luther king and bulworth in his youth working with jack kennedy . when we finally lay eyes on bulworth he is morosely weeping in front of his tv , having gone without food or sleep for days . his campaign is entering the final weekend before the primaries but his depression has sunk in too far for him to care . first he calls a lobbyist from the insurance industry to get a bribe - a $10 million life insurance policy in his daughter's name . then he calls an associate to arrange for his own assassination . his assistant murphy ( oliver platt ) is oblivious to bulworth's suicidal state and drags him to his speaking engagements . bulworth halfheartedly reads his speech at an african-american church , then takes questions from the audience . he is hit hard with questions about his voting record . he had promised money to help rebuild the community after the riots , and it hasn't shown up . since he's a dead man anyway , he figures he'll answer truthfully : he and bill clinton and newt gingrich came to l . a . for the photo opportunity . they made some promises that improved their public image for a while , and then counted on the media and the public to eventually forget about the promises they made . the shock and outrage from the congregation grows , the questions keep coming , and he keeps shooting back honest , if ugly , answers . ( before i go further , i'd like to make a distinction that the denver post failed to make , and that is that characterizing african-americans as malt-liquor drinking o . j . fans is not part of bulworth's " truth . " that line is in the trailers but it should not be praised like the other political confessions he makes in the movie . when the critics praise beatty for speaking the truth about politics , this line is not what they're talking about . ) the experience is liberating . with nothing left to lose , bulworth is no longer restricted to burping generic platitudes out of both sides of his mouth . he can say whatever he wants because he's going to be dead anyway . why not tell the people the truth about being a sleazy politician - that he is bought and paid for by lobbyists , and that racism among the populace protects politicians from being the target of charges of classism ? bulworth's candor wins him three volunteers from the church , one of whom , nikki ( halle barry ) , he gets a crush on . he feels so good afterwards that he actually eats something . chicken wings , appropriately enough . bulworth shows up late for his meeting with some movie studio executives . when one of them asks where he stands on government regulation of movie and tv ratings , bulworth drifts to the topic of the quality of filmed entertainment . with so much money and so many talented people working so hard , he wonders , why can't hollywood make a quality product . ( you go , warren ! ) when they become indignant and ask why he's talking to them if he has such a low opinion of their product , he callously admits that it's because they are rich jews . that night he drops the three african-american volunteers at their nightclub , and he decides to go in with them . he stays up all night drinking , smoking pot , dancing , falling in love with nikki , and learning to scratch turntables and rap . the next day , he shuns his prepared speech and instead raps to the suit-and-tie fundraisers . from then on , at all of his political appearances , he raps his political truth . his rap is not bad for a middle-aged white guy . he's not very good , but it is his first try and at least he's not embarrassingly bad . his lobbyists are not amused , but the rest of his constituency seems to like the new bulworth . eventually , the movie's plot ( remember he hired a hit man ? ) overtakes the politics , which is too bad . screen time is spent with bulworth trying to cancel the request for his assassination while the hit man seems to be closing in on him . there are even a few gratuitous chase scenes , bulworth fleeing his killer . these scenes may have been necessary to keep the events of the film moving along , but it distracted and detracted from bulworth's political ranting , which was much more interesting than the ever-present , obvious-looking assassin . still , most of the movie is original and very enjoyable , and beatty deserves most of credit for bringing it to the screen . as the story and screen writer , he came up first with a good structure , then with good dialogue to back it up ( jeremy pikser co-wrote the screenplay ) . as an actor , he was able to convincingly portray bulworth's depression , then liberation and rebirth . as a producer ( there were four others ) he was able to keep the movie free from hollywood's indulgent formulas ( except for those inexcusable chase scenes ) . someone else probably could have directed , but since he was there anyway , what the heck . it's too bad that there aren't more movies like this around - movies that tackle political corruption in a way that challenges viewers to pay more attention to real politics . after all , much of the inspiration for bulworth is straight out of the news . just a little perception and insight and you could write your own bulworth rants . just don't expect to be popular with the insurance companies .

it has been three long years since quentin tarantino stunned the cinema world by claiming the cannes film festival's palme d'or , a $100 million-plus box office gross , and an oscar nomination ? all for his sophomore outing , pulp fiction . since then , the talented film maker has been virtually invisible , surfacing briefly as a co-director of the wildly uneven four rooms and the screenwriter of the gory vampire-fest , from dusk till dawn . in between , he has moonlighted as an " actor " with several decidedly unmemorable performances . now , with much fanfare and anticipation , tarantino has returned with his third directorial effort , jackie brown . and , while this motion picture , adapted from elmore leonard's novel , rum punch , offers solid entertainment , those expecting another bravura outing from tarantino will leave theaters disappointed . for the most part , jackie brown is a pretty ordinary crime movie . the story , which starts out slowly , develops into a twisty affair , with double-crosses and triple-crosses . and the movie is littered with occasional tarantino trademarks : witty dialogue , unexpected gunfire , '70s pop tunes , and close-ups of womens' bare feet . yet , for all of that , the production is something of a letdown . the sheer , in-your-face exuberance that marked reservoir dogs and especially pulp fiction is absent . the mostly-straightforward chronology of jackie brown doesn't match up favorably to the non-linear style of tarantino's previous efforts ? an approach that added tension and edginess to the narratives . and there aren't nearly as many deliciously offbeat conversations this time around . there's a samuel l . jackson monologue about guns , a jackson/chris tucker argument regarding the merits of hiding in a car trunk , and a jackson/robert de niro exchange that recalls some of the jackson/travolta material from pulp fiction , but that's about it . jackie brown's lone " innovation " is its presentation of a crucial sequence from three different perspectives . this isn't exactly an original technique ? it has been done numerous times before , most famously in akira kurosawa's rashomon and most recently in edward zwick's courage under fire . however , while in those two movies ( and others ) , there was a legitimate plot reason for the multiple points-of- view , tarantino's sole purpose for using it appears to be because it's unconventional . had the scenes in question been shown from only one of the three vantages , nothing would have been lost . as a result , this aspect of the film is little more than a curiosity . for the second picture in a row , tarantino is attempting to revive the career of a '70s icon . this time around , instead of john travolta , it's blaxploitation queen pam grier ( foxy brown has become jackie brown ) . in one of many nods to the most famous segment of grier's career , tarantino uses a '70s song to accompany her first appearance during the opening credits . there are also several instances during jackie brown when the director offers a sly wink towards certain conventions of the blaxploitation genre ( although grier never does any butt-kicking ) . grier is jackie brown , a flight attendant who gets caught transporting drugs and money into the united states . she's working for gun dealer ordell robbie ( samuel l . jackson ) , but she keeps her mouth shut under questioning , despite pressure from ray nicolet ( michael keaton ) , a federal official . no longer sure whether or not he can trust jackie , ordell arranges for a bail bondsman , max cherry ( robert forster , tv's " banyon " ) to post the necessary $10 , 000 , then plans to shoot jackie if she proves disloyal . jackie passes ordell's test , however , and soon the two of them are plotting a way to smuggle $500 , 000 of ordell's money into the united states without tipping off the feds . soon , just about everyone is after that money , including jackie , max , ray , ordell's perpetually oversexed and drugged-out girlfriend , melanie ( bridget fonda ) , and his right-hand man , louis ( robert de niro ) . unsurprisingly , the most memorable performance is turned in by samuel l . jackson , but ordell isn't nearly as invigorating or compelling a character as jules from pulp fiction . in addition to looking fantastic , pam grier is also quite good , although hers is not an oscar- caliber performance ( although she might get a nomination ) . robert forster and michael keaton are solid in their tough-guys-who-rarely- smile roles . bridget fonda is around for three discernible reasons : to look sexy in a bikini , to provide a little twisted comedy , and to satisfy tarantino's foot fetish . robert de niro is criminally underused in a part that could have been played equally well by any grungy- looking , middle-aged actor . the film , which clocks in at several minutes over the two-and-a- half hour mark , is probably too long for the material , but the plot is convoluted enough to keep us guessing throughout ( although the payoff is a letdown ) . tarantino keeps things moving along nicely , with a heavier dose of humor and less violence than in pulp fiction , but , on the whole , this movie seems more like the work of one of his wannabes than something from the director himself . when it comes to recent caper films ( like the grifters and bound ) , jackie brown is a second-tier effort . it's an entertaining diversion , but not a masterpiece , and certainly not an oscar contender .

i'll bet right now you're just lounging by the pool , humming " i will always love you " and wistfully recalling your candlelight dinners with success . it isn't necessarily over for you : i say you still have enough charm that you could avoid starring in " kevin ! " for at least a few more years . begin by scribbling " the star that burns twice as bright burns half as long " somewhere you'll always see it , perhaps on the fridge door , or on a bedroom mirror with lipstick . you had a heck of a thing going there until you agreed to star in robin hood : prince of thieves , where you were not only upstaged by powerhouses morgan freeman and alan rickman , but christian slater ( ! ) , several dozen tall trees , bows , arrows , and a canoe , too . after dances with wolves and jfk , you decided the world needed more three hour movies , expensive three hour movies , so you starred in and produced wyatt earp ; wyatt earp the man was a boring idiot who made the history books solely due to a general lack of famous wyatts . wyatt earp was so dull a cowboy that he died of natural causes . tombstone was a vastly superior movie based on the same legend , and that featured kurt russell as earp and dana delaney as his girlfriend ! ( she was played by joanna going in your movie-you know , the character known best in wyatt earp as " jew whore " . what were you and lawrence kasdan thinking ? ) now , you're suffering the demise of yet another of your epics , the postman , a film so financially disastrous that it all but eradicated the memory waterworld's and tin cup's mildly lucrative box office takes . the postman is not the worst movie ever made-people in hollywood are quick to forget movies like howard the duck whenever the next bomb comes along . yet it is a ridiculous movie . i suspect you thought you had another braveheart on your hands-why else line up two armies on horesback , all prepared for battle , for the climax of your film ? -but " mailheart " the postman is not . ( i can think of some more appropriate alternate titles : post encounters of the worst kind ; farewell , my salary ; howard the postman ; the postman's never watched twice . . . ) what a brown movie . i hate brown . you love brown . dances with wolves was golden and brown-it looked like an eggo commercial . the postman had me running for a glass of water every two minutes ; would the post-apocalyptic world look this maddeningly bland and dry ? what exactly happened to this desert world , anyway ? did we all become so stupid that we didn't immediately begin rebuilding homes , restaurants , and most importantly , shopping malls , after " the war " ? why did you choose to drive the movie's plot with a dumb group of terrorists who , well , terrorize townfolk across america ? why is it only * they * have ammunition , anyway ? was it really appropriate to cast your daughter as a girl who has a sweet crush on you , the drifter-cum-postman ? why cast english actress olivia williams as an american ? don't you realize that european women can only deliver their big emotional scenes in their native accent ? ( take a look at the less-than-stellar performances of an american-ized nicole kidman or an american-ized minnie driver . ) who could give a damn whether you lived or died at the end of this movie ? if it came down to a fight for leadership between you and the leader of the terrorists , why didn't you do that halfway through the film and save us all a lot of headaches ? why cast will patton as the bad guy ? because you worked with him in no way out ? sure , he's a suitably creepy villain ; know why ? because he's creepy in everything , including armageddon , in which he plays a heroic astronaut who practically slithers into his space suit ! why heroize the most demonic institution in america , the u . s . postal system ? was tom petty supposed to be playing tom petty ? if so , why didn't he look more skeletal ? ( he should have been around 70 years old . ) why , oh why , do i have so many questions ? ( i could ask plenty more . ) shouldn't a three hour running time have provided you enough space to answer everything ? you have one great line in this film , and you deliver it to a mule ! : " the things i like about my ass . . . " i had to wonder . actually , i enjoyed the tone of the opening scenes , a relaxed cynicism , if you'll accept such clunky phrasing-too bad you couldn't resist the temptation to film yet another love letter to your country . ultimately , i'm saying relax . there is no quota , no need for you to make a picture a year . settle down . really question future screenplays before you commit to them . feel free to write back . i know how much you like letters .

is jimmy stewart the greatest actor of all-time ? it's quite possible . his career spanned over 40 years , and he acted in more movies than most actors ever could . yet , when he is talked about in the media , he is generally thought of as an actor who played one type of role : the nice guy . and that's really a shame . " the naked spur " features jimmy stewart in a role completely different than what people would expect from him . it's a western , which stewart specialized in around this period , and it casts him as a desperate man out to collect a bounty on a man who used to be his friend . before he finds that man , though , he runs into two men who agree to help him , thinking he is a sheriff . when the criminal is eventually caught , the two men discover stewart's secret , and decide they want a piece of the action too . the rest of the film is a suspenseful journey in which each man suspects the other constantly . also featured is the woman travelling with the criminal , well played by janet leigh . we're never too sure who's side she's really on until the end . leigh is an actress probably best known for her role as the " shower lady " from " psycho " , and that's unfair . she gives a strong performance as a woman who is pulled between these two men . stewart gives a performance unlike anything i've ever seen from him . he usually keeps cool no matter what occurs , but here , he gets downright hysterical at times . i think perhaps he took this role to prove to the public that he was more than just a " nice guy " . his performance borders on psychotic at times , but i loved watching every second of it . it's roles like this one that make me admire him as much as i do . he was an actor unafraid to take chances , and even ruin his public image .

devotees of robert a . heinlein , be forewarned : paul verhoeven's starship troopers is less an adaptation of heinlein's novel than it is a literary satire . the author's jingo-all-the-way militarism and his tendency to create plastic characters with plastic conflicts had me expecting a soulless , faceless parade of carnage from the film version . and i suppose that's exactly what verhoeven delivers , with sometimes hilarious results . heinlein's basic motifs are so faithfully rendered that their flaws become a source of amusement , while their strengths become the stuff of high-energy entertainment . outlining the plot of starship troopers is a fairly silly endeavor , since it's basically a big bug hunt . . . aliens in broad daylight . sometime in the future , humanity is threatened by giant , malevolent insects which have evolved into twenty-foot-tall action figures ( arachnids with super-impaling spikes , beetles that spew forth lava , dragonflies with guillotine legs ) . among those who sign on to save the earth are a group of high school classmates from buenos aires : conflicted rich kid johnny rico ( casper van dien ) ; his math whiz girlfriend carmen ( denise richards ) ; dizzy ( dina meyer ) , who secretly carries a torch for johnny ; and carl ( neil patrick " doogie howser " harris ) , who not-so-secretly carries a torch for dizzy , and also has a talent for speaking telepathically to ferrets . while carmen heads for flight school and carl joins military intelligence , johnny and dizzy become mobile infantry , their various battles intertwining with romantic sub-plots out of a third season episode from " beverly hills 90210 . " so if starship troopers is another movie where one-dimensional characters wade through trite situations on their way to killing a bunch of aliens , what makes it any better than , say , independence day , a movie where one-dimensional characters waded through trite situations on their way to killing a bunch of slightly different aliens ? for one thing , you sense that the film-makers are aware of the pulp nonsense they have as source material . the very absence of major stars in the cast feels thematically appropriate , not just fiscally prudent . if starship troopers had been turned into a tv-movie , aaron spelling would have produced it . it's a story which requires emoting , not acting ; it's a prime time soap opera with big guns , played for all the dopey melodrama it's worth . the no-name cast also plays into verhoeven's treatment of heinlein's most controversial conceit . in this society , we learn , one can only be a full citizen after completing some sort of federal service , military for most . verhoeven pays the notion plenty of lip service , then proceeds to skewer it with brilliant mock recruitment ads ( named after the world war ii-era " why we fight " series ) in which youngsters are indoctrinated into the joys of firearms , or the pleasures of stomping cockroaches . these characters really are just " fresh meat for the grinder , " as one character puts it , which makes their lack of familiarity all the more fitting . it's not that starship troopers is anti-military , because it never treats the true horror of war as anything but a great big , violent video game . in fact , the characters are living the propaganda ( particularly johnny , who receives so many field promotions he may not remember his own rank by the time the film ends ) . verhoeven is actually having it both ways -- he's making fun of gung-ho boosterism even as he fires his fresh-faced recruits into battle on a gung-ho booster rocket of visual effects . if that makes starship troopers hypocritical , at least it's enthusiastically staged hypocrisy . there may not be a person worth caring about in the whole film , but it moves like nobody's business . verhoeven stages some thrilling action sequences , sending swarms of bugs after the anonymous grunts then having various body parts strewn about the screen like landscaping . it is that rare special effects blockbuster which demonstrates a sense of pacing to match its budget ; i was caught up in the action enough of the time that i wasn't perpetually groaning over the absence of real human beings . i wish i could find it in myself to work up more outrage over the callous way humans are dispatched in starship troopers , but it didn't work out that way . that would be punishing verhoeven for getting to the heart of his material .

in our time . in our modern world , where the cool rule , it's hard to imagine that shakespeare is becoming 'the man' . and yet - film after film , after film , is based on his everlasting magic . in warner brothers' latest production , shakespeare is kicking ass to a rap beat , while his magic and intelligence slowly fades away . though the producers of the matrix have vaguely based their picture on william shakespeare's 'romeo and juliet' , its title sequence with a frightening rap song and a black limo making its way through the dark streets of new york , is very hard to associate with shakespeare's poetry . the film takes place during a silent war between the two major mafia families in the city - the afro americans against the chinese . the youngest son of a chinese mafia chieftain is found murdered . the afro-americans are immediately suspected , but a peace treaty is signed between the two godfathers . it is at this point that han ( the romeo of the story ) finds out about his brother's death . escaping from a prison in china , he returns to united states to avenge his brother's fate . but before he can restore justice with his kung fu kicks , he falls in love with a mysterious beauty . the only problem is that she is the daughter of his enemy . . there's only a weak echo of shakespeare's talent in this disappointing production . and there are more problems besides its title . of course we don't call it a deformation of a great masterpiece . we call it 'modernization' . it seems that the producers fear that the audience will not respond to lyrics , without any car chases and gun fights . this lack of respect for the audience i find very disturbing . kenneth brannagh has already proven that shakespeare doesn't need to be updated , because his tales are grounded in the basics of life and human nature . and as long as love , hate , honesty and corruption do exist , everyone will understand and embrace shakespeare . i must admit that i found 'rome must die' very confusing . i can forgive andrzej bartkowiak , since it is his first attempt at directing . he manages to create an incredible atmosphere and directs with a firm precision . unfortunately he completely forgot about character- and story developments . his latest picture is therefore visually impressive , but intellectually hollow . the love story between han ( jet li ) and trish ( aalyah ) , and the mafia intrigues are undeveloped and simplified . jet li is one of the most amazing fighters to ever hit the silver screen and aalyah has a magical voice . their achievement save this film from being completely braindead , but they are not actors , and therefore can not act . they are nothing more than two celebrities put together . the other actors , including isaiah washington , russell wong , henry o and dmx all give the standard mediocre performances . delroy lindo is the only one that projects a coherent image of reality . but there's more than acting to worry about . even with li's incredible skills in martial arts , the action scenes ( though technically excellent ) are too long and story updates simply embarrassing . to make a long story short : 'romeo must die' is not intelligent enough to be a thriller , not sensual enough to be a love story and too serious to be a fun action film . it is certain that bartkowiak would be much better off with o this embarrassing and completely unnecessary parallel to 'romeo and juliet' , so the film is completely stuck - not sure of what to be . and in the end it's nothing . there are no performances worthy of notice , no interesting character- or story surprises . so again , the only good thing about it is its technical achievement . this film can boast of great sound , fast paced editing , solid cinematography and some very well coordinated action sequences . the music is another factor that prevents you from leaving the theatre . it is mostly provided by aalyah's enchanting voice and several carefully inserted rap songs by various artists , that create a kind of 'ghetto feel' to it . but when i think back , it's not much i remember from this 'production' . as in almost every summer movie , there are some interesting scenes , but most of the moments that i remember are associated with massive special effects . it is not a film that will get any attention for its artistic qualities , simply because it doesn't have any . for someone who has never read shakespeare , it's another popcorn film . for those of us who has , it's a waste of money , time and brain cells .

the year is barely a week old , and there is already a candidate for the worst of 1997--the relic , a would-be chiller that's more successful at making the audience laugh than scream . in this ridiculous film from uberhack peter hyams ( whose last two pictures were dreadful jean-claude van damme vehicles ) , a creature that feeds on the hypothalamuses ( hypothalamii ? ) of humans and animals goes on a killing spree in a chicago museum . how did this creature come into existence , and why does it feed on hormones ? the " scientific " explanation cooked up by the four--yes , four--credited screenwriters ( amy holden jones , john raffo , rick jaffa , and amanda silver ) takes " suspension of disbelief " to new heights , even by monster movie standards . but as cockamamie as the science is in the film , it isn't quite as hard to swallow as the casting of the clueless penelope ann miller as a brilliant molecular biologist who specializes in evolutionary genetics . miller acts as if she wants an oscar nomination , turning every scene that requires the slightest display of emotion into an overblown oscar clip , complete with piercing wails and glycerine tears . give it up , penelope--it's a _monster_movie_ . on the flip side , tom sizemore just phones in his performance as a police lieutenant , but his role is so thankless that it's hard to imagine it being played any more effectively . it's quite funny to see a film indulge , with the straightest of faces , in all those cheesy horror movie cliches that wes craven lampooned so well ( and so recently ) in scream . for example , in one early scene , a museum security guard goes into a bathroom stall late at night . ok , we all know what's coming , but as if we didn't need any more confirmation , he pulls out a joint and starts puffing away . everyone knows what happens to people who do drugs in a scary movie . and later , miller frantically runs out of a museum exhibit after she hears some suspicious heavy breathing . does she make a beeline for the front door ? of course not--she runs into the ladies room and cowers in a stall . with all the cliches , it is only fitting the film's climax offers what is perhaps the most overused one in recent film : that of someone outrunning a fireball . if the relic is truly " the next evolution in terror " as the poster states , then the horror film--and humanity--is in even worse shape than we thought .

i had a chance to see a sneak preview of city slickers ii on campus last night . i went in with the expectation of a film with the similar flavor which made the original such a success : personal growth and insightful humor about life . i came away somewhat disappointed in this regard , getting some of the latter and not much of the former . the basic plot revolves around billy crystal , who plays mitch robbins , turning forty . he's now become the station manager of the radio station in which he worked in the original . he's given a job at the radio station to his best friend , played by daniel stern , out of sympathy while stern's character works through his divorce . his loser younger brother ( john lovitz ) comes to mitch's house to bum a money and place to live , all while mitch and his wife try to celebrate his birthday . during the celebration , mitch discovers what appears to be a treasure map in curly's ( the cattle drive leader in the original played by jack palance ) old hat . after a business trip to las vegas , crystal , stern , and lovitz stay a few extra days to go off in search of the treasure . on the way , they run into curly's twin brother , duke , played by ( you know who ) jack palance . first of all , the cinematography was beautifully done , especially the outdoor scenes in the desert . the scenes are such that i would like to see some of those sights filmed myself . there is some character development during the film . the actors remain true to their characters and play them well , without overplaying the jokes . the movie is a good basic adventure , with enough plot twists to provide for an ending that is difficult to predict . the movie is paced well , but with a couple slow spots in the middle and towards the end . humor-wise , the film has a good number of jokes which maintained my interest throughout the film . there are memorable moments like when stern is bitten by a snake , but there are fewer jokes to laugh at in the sequel ( surprise , surprise for a sequel , right ? ) . however , the slight bitter aftertaste i have with this film has to do mainly with the film's manipulation of the audience . the film tries to pull your heart-strings too much regarding how close the characters are to each other , like when mitch had decided to suck the snake marrow out of his best friend's butt . this is done again when the gang meets up with some members of the cattle drive group from the original . there were also some parts which appeared unrealistic , like whether the stampede would start in the way it did or why they didn't worry more about water while tromping around the desert . some strenuous stretches of the imagination are required here . since the objective of the gang is to find gold and get rich ( unlike finding themselves in middle age like in the original ) , i also found it harder to empathize with the characters during their journey . overall , i'd say that the film is an entertaining and humorous adventure with some story-line deficiencies making it less worthy than the original . it may be worth the full price of admission , but a matinee would be a better bargain .

susan granger's review of " america's sweethearts " ( columbia/sony ) what a waste of a talented cast ! billy crystal and co-writer peter tolan have concocted a sly , provocative premise and , as the opening credits roll , it's obvious that they're attempting an old-fashioned romantic comedy . the story involves a veteran publicist ( billy crystal ) who is summoned to orchestrate a press junket in las vegas when an arrogant director ( christopher walken ) holds a megabuck movie hostage in his editing room , refusing to show it to anyone . he figures that by giving the journalists juicy hints of a possible reconciliation between the film's once-married-but-now-estranged stars , gwen and eddie ( catherine zeta-jones , john cusack ) , they'll be so distracted that they won't remember they didn't see the movie or it wasn't what they expected . ( and crystal thought of this long before a sony exec concocted the phony critic/david manning quote scandal ! ) for help , he turns to gwen's personal assistant/sister ( julia roberts ) . but the laughs are few and far-between . crystal's glib , cynical flack isn't wickedly funny enough with a few amusing one-liners . after six months under the care of a depak chopra-like guru ( alan arkin ) , cusack's character's too emotionally fragile , lacking the necessary charisma . zeta-jones's vain , narcissistic diva is undeveloped and one-dimensional . only hank azaria , as zeta-jones's much-macho spanish lover , and stanley tucci , as a studio exec , and roberts manage to whip up any farcical froth . basically , we don't like these ego-driven , stereotypical characters , let alone root for them to unwind their romantic entanglements , and joe roth's direction is predictable , formulaic and telegraphic . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10 , " america's sweethearts " is a contrived , shallow 4 . as a screwball satire , it's strictly superficial .

darren ( jason biggs ) , wayne ( steve zahn ) , and j . d . ( jack black ) have been best friends since the fifth grade . like the three musketeers , they've been together through thick and thin . but , when darren meets an attractive , but cold-blooded and manipulative , psychiatrist , judith ( amanda peet ) , the long time friendship is placed in danger . it's up to wayne and j . d . to rescue their best friend in " saving silverman . " " silverman " has its heart in the right place , but the story , by newcomers hank nelken and greg depaul , is too lightweight to sustain the tale of the battle for darren's soul . based on their experience of a friend making a major marital mistake , the story is centered on the three , life long amigos . when wayne introduces darren to judith , he doesn't realize that he has opened a pandora's box of disaster for himself and j . d . judith was once in a relationship where her boyfriend was the dominant figure until he died in a kick boxing match . since then , she has sought a new mate - someone she can boss around and mold into her own vision . enter darren silverman . once they realize the magnitude of their error in judgement , wayne and j . d . try everything they can , including threats and bribery , to get judith to free darren . nothing works until the duo come up with a plan - kidnap judith and get darren back together with the girl he called his one and only , pretty sandy perkus ( amanda detmer ) . the only problem here is that sandy is about to take her vows to become a nun . things spiral out of control as judith repeatedly attempts to escape while wayne and j . d . play cupid . the boys even bring their idol , neil diamond , into the picture to help resolve things . thinking about it , this is a real mishmash of contrivance and coincidence that is held together solely by the comedic efforts of steve zahn and jack black . the pair is able to elicit the film's only laughs with their goofy antics and child-like behavior . they are relegated to providing slapstick guy humor and the two are more than equal to the task . steve zahn has been steadily honing his comedic acting skills and gives some complexity to wayne , the " brains " of the gang . jack black has the big-guy moves of a chris farley , giving j . d . an amusing physical presence . the neat thing is that the two actors are able to get fresh laughs from stale material . the rest of the cast doesn't fare as well , though . jason biggs is the straight man of the musketeers and gets very little to do ; though having watched his previous films ( " american pie " and " loser " ) i'm not sure what attraction biggs actually has . amanda peet is caustic as the manipulative judith . there is no humanity at all to her character as she single-mindedly strives to recreate darren into her mind's image . she's a monster that wayne and j . d . must defeat to save their friend . unfortunately , there is no dimension to her character . amanda detmer brings nothing ( or gets nothing ) as darren's one and only . r . lee ermey , as the psychotic coach , made a bad decision taking this role . tune-meister neil diamond gives a good-natured cameo perf as the boys' idol and savior . production values are on par with the rest of the film - lackluster and non-involving . director dennis dugan has a track record for broad comedy with films like " big daddy " and " beverly hills ninja , " but falls flat with " saving silverman . " the 2001 movie year has yet to provide us with a " good " film to sink our teeth into . at least , with " saving silverman , " we get a couple of funny perfs from zahn and black . too bad that the rest of the film lacks their level of humor . kick boxing deaths and conflicted nuns are not the makings of a good comedy . i give it a c- .

sometimes a movie comes along that falls somewhat askew of the rest . some people call it " original " or " artsy " or " abstract " . some people simply call it " trash " . a life less ordinary is sure to bring about mixed feelings . definitely a generation-x aimed movie , a life less ordinary has everything from claymation to profane angels to a karaoke-based musical dream sequence . whew ! anyone in their 30's or above is probably not going to grasp what can be enjoyed about this film . it's somewhat silly , it's somewhat outrageous , and it's definitely not your typical romance story , but for the right audience , it works . a lot of hype has been surrounding this film due to the fact that it comes to us from the same team that brought us trainspotting . well sorry folks , but i haven't seen trainspotting so i can't really compare . whether that works in this film's favor or not is beyond me . but i do know this : ewan mcgregor , whom i had never had the pleasure of watching , definitely charmed me . he was great ! cameron diaz's character was uneven and a bit hard to grasp . the audience may find it difficult to care about her , thus discouraging the hopes of seeing her unite with mcgregor after we are immediately sucked into caring about and identifying with him . misguided ? you bet . loveable ? you bet . a life less ordinary was a delight and even had a bonus for me when i realized it was filmed in my hometown of salt lake city , utah . this was just one more thing i didn't know about this movie when i sat down with a five dollar order of nachos and a three dollar coke . maybe not knowing the premise behind this film made for a pleasant surprise , but i think even if i had known , i would have been just as happy . a life less ordinary is quirky , eccentric , and downright charming ! not for everyone , but a definite change of pace for your typical night at the movies .

it has happened again . a movie that is well scripted , well acted , and well directed . it is involving , suspenseful . . . it even has an unexpected twist at the end that packs a punch like a blow to the solar plexus . but in order to accept its premise one must also accept a spiritual lie . the sixth sense is that movie . starring bruce willis ( armageddon ) as a child psychologist and haley joel osment ( forrest gump ) as a troubled youngster , the sixth sense is more spooky than scary , though it does contain disturbing images designed to startle . eight-year-old cole sear ( osment ) sees dead people . not just in dreams . and not just as lifeless bodies . he sees them walking around like regular people . and he sees them all the time . dr . malcolm crowe ( willis ) is trying to help him . he recognizes in cole many of the same attributes as one of his earlier patients whom crowe failed , resulting in that patient shooting crowe before turning the gun on himself . if crowe could manage to find a way to help cole , he believes he just might be able to put his own demons to rest . but first he needs to gain cole's trust . the boy is so frightened by what he sees , he has closed himself off emotionally , being unwilling to tell anyone . . . not crowe , not even his own mother ( toni collette , clockwatchers ) . . . about his " secrets . " crowe begins to spend more and more time with him , even as his own marriage starts to dissolve around him , his wife anna ( olivia williams , rushmore ) becoming cold and distant because of his neglect of her and his preoccupation with the boy . bruce willis underplays his role , allowing the excellent script to do most of the work of building character development . crowe moves from treating a troubled boy who won't communicate , to treating a troubled boy who is having hallucinations , to wondering if perhaps there isn't some truth behind what the boy sees . mr . willis does a serviceable job , letting the focus remain on the story instead of on his familiar action hero screen persona . eleven-year-old haley joel osment manages to impress us with his performance . he demonstrates an amazing amount of self-composure as well as an ability to play nuances in a complex character as if he were a seasoned pro . it is fine work for one of such a tender age . keep your eye on this young man . the supporting cast is also quite effective . toni collette , as the confused , frightened , and frustrated mother who can't understand what is happening to her child ; olivia williams , as crowe's once loving wife who is shutting down emotionally due to the lack of attention from her husband ; and donnie wahlberg ( ransom ) as crowe's ex-patient , now grown , who illustrates his doctor's failure to help him in the most vivid terms imaginable . twenty-eight year old m . night shyamalan ( wide awake ) directed his own script , maintaining a proper tension throughout the film and crafting the storytelling so expertly that the film's full impact is not reached until its final moments , when a surprising revelation forces a reevaluation of all that preceded it . it is a rare movie which manages to pull that off and mr . shyamalan , as the one responsible , is certainly to be commended . in giving the sixth sense a favorable " three star " review for its craftsmanship and artistic merit , i must also point out that , spiritually speaking , the film is highly misleading . there is no scriptural foundation upon which to base a belief in ghosts or the " living dead . " the concept of death being a doorway to another plane of existence is a devilish lie that has been around as long as man himself . the first lie recorded in the bible was devised by the serpent who assured eve , " thou shall not surely die , " a direct contradiction of god's admonition . that same lie has been perpetuated ad infinitum throughout the ages . scriptures do speak of a time when the dead shall rise but that wonderful demonstration of victory over death will not commence until after the second coming of christ . . . an event which has not yet occurred . therefore , the dead remain in a state of oblivion , having no consciousness , until that long-awaited time when the final trump shall sound . and then , you'll need six senses to register all the joy and rejoicing that will resound throughout the heavens .

catherine deane ( jennifer lopez ) is a psychologist who has been hired to participate in a project where she can enter the minds of comatose victims and try to interact with their subconscious in an attempt to wake them up . she has been experiencing moderate success with a young boy in a coma , but the boy's parents aren't happy with the apparent lack of progress and the toll of her job is having adverse affects on her regular life . as if trying to assure the boy's parents wasn't hard enough on her , a new development arises that furthers the strain on deane's mental faculties . a vicious serial killer named carl stargher ( vincent d'onofrio ) has been kidnapping women , locking them in an automated cell that drowns them slowly in a matter of days , then soaking the corpses in bleach to turn them into life-sized dolls . just after kidnapping his latest victim and locking her in the cell , stargher has a traumatic experience that triggers a schizophrenic virus in his brain and causes him to sink in an eternal catatonia . the police , led by fbi agent peter novak ( vince vaughn ) are able to locate stargher by some clues he left while dumping his previous victim's body , but they feel all hope is lost for his current victim due to his vegetative state . in a last ditch attempt , they ask deane and the scientists that created the project to undergo the frightening task of entering stargher's mind to try and find the location of the victim locked in the deadly cell . . . a cell which will completely fill with water in the next 40 hours ! initial reports about this film described it as a cross between the silence of the lambs and the matrix . while it does share some characteristics with both films ( particularly the first forty minutes , which seem almost like a condensed version of lambs ) , the cell also seems to contain elements of dreamscape and brainstorm . the buzz around this project is that first-time feature film director tarsem singh ( who won many awards for his video of r . e . m . 's " losing my religion " ) wanted a script that he could fashion images out of instead of a cohesive story , and a good portion of this film supports that theory . despite the borrowed elements from the aforementioned films and a script that contains several logically questionable moments , the cell does feature some remarkable imagery . all of the sequences where we delve into someone's mind are incredibly beautiful ( including the dank mind of stargher , whose thoughts are reminiscent of an h . r . giger painting come to life mixed with a tool music video ) , proving that singh is as adept at filming strange and wonderful images as his acclaim would lead us to believe . the first sequence that takes place in stargher's mind is by far the best , featuring one of the most ingenious traps i've ever seen in a film ( involving a horse , which no one seeing this film will probably forget ) , a zoo-like display of stargher's victims which are animated like marionettes , and stargher himself in a giant purple cape that spans the walls of his mental throne room . if the film had continued within this dirty monstrous world i would have deemed the film brilliant , but alas , the sequences only become more silly as they go along ( despite a painful nipple ring removal later in the film ) . the cast is basically just an excuse for there to be some moderate plot semblance during the parade of images , but at least vincent d'onofrio turns in his usual bizarre and psychotic performance ( magnified by ten , thanks to the environment in which the film has been placed ) . in my opinion , d'onofrio was one of the best creepy actors i have ever seen in a film , but his film choices as of late have been so completely awful ( i . e . - the newton boys , feeling minnesota , the thirteenth floor , and the velocity of gary ) that i have begun to rethink my initial assessment of him . the character of stargher is an excellent role for him though , and will probably lead to a bit of typecasting for him . detractors of violence and disturbing images will want to stay far away from this film , as it contains heavy doses of both . besides the nipple ring removal i mention above , there is also stargher's penchant for hanging suspended off of the floor by the rings that pierce his back and legs ( prior to his catatonia and capture ) which will have audiences recoiling . a sequence where catherine enters stargher's mind and finds him recreating the disemboweling of his first victim is also pretty disquieting . one moment also features a character having his intestines slowly removed from his body by an old fashioned hand cranked spit-like device . as a narrative film , the cell is sorely lacking . as a collection of images though , the cell is extremely well done . although the latter sequences in the film contain fewer disturbing imagery than the first half , singh has done what he supposedly set out to do : make a film solely for the purpose of stringing some remarkable images together . unfortunately , a well-written script should have been considered too , because without it the cell just seems like any other music video we could see on mtv ( provided , of course , that mtv allowed for the use of graphic violence and language in music videos ) .

saw an advanced screening of the movie sniper last night , and i have to say i wasn't too impressed . this film is about an expert marine sniper , played by tom berenger , who is teamed with a hot-shot-young-no-experience-never-killed-a-man new partner to take out some drug-kingpins and military strong men in panama . sound cliche ? that's only the beginning . billy zane ( memphis belle ) played the rookie , and never seemed to get a handle on his character . he was so contrary and pig-headed in the beginning , you just wanted to smack him . then he goes " crazy " from the pressure , but seems to immediately snap out of it . i'm not sure if the blame should lie with the directing , editing , scriptwriting , or acting . . . but it didn't all come together . i think berenger is a pretty good actor , and he looked great in the part , covered in camo , face painted , stalking through the jungle with his high-power rifle . . . but once again , his character was given some pretty bad dialogue , and didn't react too logically to many of the situations . there was very little logical development in these characters . my biggest problem with this film was it's tendency to put these two snipers in as * many * inches-from-death situations as possible . they began to resemble g . i . joes , the greatest american hero . and of course their almost supernatural accuracy with their guns was called upon to get them out of far too many close calls . now a lot of movies are stamped out of this mold , in fact that's what made die hard so much fun : the super-hero avenger type . so some will enjoy the action hero heroics , but i didn't think it fit with the nice tension that was built up in the earlier scenes , and the " real life " feel of covert operations in panama . a word must be said on the camera work , much of it was very nice . the jungles of panama ( or their stand-ins in this case ) formed a very picturesque background . . . and the drama of speeding bullets was captured using some nice trick photography . many have seen the slowed down " bullet-cam " following the projectile to its target . this was used well in the beginning to show the feverish nightmares berenger gets when remembering the moment of the kill . it was dramatic when used in flashback . . . but it seems the director liked the technique so much he started inserting these shots ( pardon the pun ) into the real time action . . . then it just seemed silly . all in all , not a real dog : there is some nice action , good atmosphere , and pretty photography . but the plot is pretty lame , the acting didn't form a cohesive whole , and far too much thisclosefromdeath heroics .

the happy bastard's 30-second review notting hill a cute romantic comedy from the writer of the hit comedy four weddings and a funeral , notting hill stars julia roberts as anna scott , a very popular actress with a $15 million asking price for movies . one day she wanders into a travel book store owned by a simple london resident ( played by hugh grant ) , and sparks somehow begin to fly . sure , there are points of turmoil , such as putting up with grant's slightly disgusting ( but very hilarious ) roommate spike , anna's pesky ex-boyfriend ( alec baldwin in a humorous cameo ) , and , on top of all that , those damn press . it's a fresh sort of complexity to see in a romantic comedy , very different from , say , a stubborn father or " not the right time " like as seen in usual flicks . roberts is terrific as the astonishingly beautiful actress , and grant is surprisingly good as the straightforward guy still trying to get a hold of what has actually happened with this girl . in short , a sweet romantic comedy that has a lot of good laughs , particularly provided by spike . one tee-shirt really says it all about him . in an attempt to turn on a woman , he shows the front of the shirt , which says : " you are the most beautiful woman in the world . " on the back ? " fancy a f * * k ? "

all those who were offended by there's something about mary should not tread in the waters of american pie , a gratuitously sexual rollercoaster ride of raunch . and while this uproariously funny , gross-out summer movie is basically an exercise in bad taste , it also demonstrates a surprising sweetness in the end . american pie is the latest entry to the offensive teenage-targeted fare this season . i must question the studio that releases a movie like this . the producers are aiming these films at the 15-24 crowd , but while pushing the limit of possible sex and violence in an r-rated film . some have even been narrowly avoiding the dreaded nc-17 , a rating the mpaa gives when the adult content surpasses even that of a restricted movie . american pie was threatened with an nc-17 , but after snipping a few scenes from the finished product , it was given an r . but at least this new addition is not as careless and unforgiving as something like south park . it is sick , perverse , and ultimately disgusting - not to mention extremely funny . american pie is about four desperate teenagers who make a pact to lose their virginity by prom night . jim ( jason biggs ) , kevin ( thomas ian nicholas ) , oz ( chris klein ) and finch ( eddie kaye thomas ) are a quartet of high school students in their senior year who think sex is something they must experience to be successful in their lives ahead . jim inquires what it feels like when you reach third base , to which one of his friends replies : `like warm apple pie . . . ' . of course , this prompts the scene unfairly exposed in the trailers , in which jim and a freshly baked pie have a very intimate moment in the kitchen corner . there are many moments , such as this , in which director paul weitz uses a game-plan similar to the one frequently displayed in mary : to cause the audience to break down laughing in disgusting disbelief . american pie is a hard-fought effort that has replenishing rewards if you manage to stick with it . i loved the young cast in this movie . consider the subject matter that these actors have dealt with , obviously suggestiveness never rivaled in any of their previous projects , and you should appreciate their performances . biggs is more than enjoyable , and chris klein ( who recently played a similar jock in election ) is obviously a young talent on the rise . but in a teen-dominated movie , the best performance comes from comedian eugene levy ( of television's sctv ) , who is unexpectedly brilliant as jim's uneasy father . scenes in which the familiar father-son conversations are brought to interesting new levels are the funniest moments to be found in american pie . after levy discovers jim's new use for apple pie , he tells him , `i did a fare share of that sort of thing when i was your age . but i never used baked goods . ' it is performances such as his , and bill murray's in rushmore , that are often unfairly dismissed when awards are handed out . there are some less-than-original aspects of the film . a bathroom incident involving finch and a bottle of ex-lax is something we've seen before . if weitz is planning to take after the farrelly brothers , then this is a decidedly unwise move : the same prank was pulled in the brother's dumb and dumber , and used to greater effect . secondly , the characters are forced into a half-hearted climax that seems more artificial than amusing . but at one point , in which we discover that american pie does have a heart of it's own , biggs asks his buddies why he's going through so much pressure for something that's `not very important anyway . ' and so we realize that while the film is expressive about a subject that is hardly appropriate , it still manages to be mature . in it's own way .

while watching wes anderson's rushmore , it may be surprising to think that the role of max fischer , the film's anti-hero , was not written with jason schwartzman in mind . the young actor , making his film debut as a 15 year old student at the exclusive rushmore academy is so perfect in the role that it comes as a shock that anderson auditioned some two thousand other prospective stars before discovering schwarztman . schwartzman plays max , a student who is more interested in his extra-curricular activities ( such as writing edgy plays like " serpico " and being president of the rushmore beekeepers ) but sees his grades suffer as a result . on the brink of being thrown out , he lands himself in even more hot water when he falls for first grade teacher rosemary cross ( olivia williams ) and enlists the help of millionaire acquaintance herman blume ( the great bill murray ) to build an aquarium ( on rushmore's baseball field ) in her honour . unfortunately for everyone involved , blume finds that he has feelings for miss cross as well , which gets in the way of max's plans to woo her . max is one of the best-written characters we've yet seen in the 90s , and schwartzman plays him to perfection in one of the finest comedy performances ever given by someone of his age . as everyone else has probably already pointed out , he is reminiscent of a young dustin hoffman ( although i was reminded more of paul from " the wonder years " , from a visual standpoint , at least ) . hopefully , if he avoids typecasting as weird , quirky loner-types he should earn himself a good career . bill murray is his equal as blume , displaying a depth we haven't yet seen from him . while this isn't his best performance ( that honour goes to groundhog day ) he is still terrific here . williams isn't given much to do except react to schwartzman and murray , but still does fine work . rushmore seems to go just a little too long but , while it isn't a perfect film , it is a definate must-see for anyone who wants to see that rarity , an american coming-of-age film that actually works well without an excessive amount of sentimentality . anderson has created a modern classic with a star who should , with any luck , rise to even greater success .

the real blonde ( r ) a woman's face , an arm , some pumped-up pectorals , blond hair , a man's sad face , slender legs , a random hand here and there . as the opening credits of tom dicillo's the real blonde unfold , these scattered , fractured glimpses eventually come together to form the image of a bikini brief-clad man on his knees clinging to a nurturing woman , his head concealing her unclothed breasts . if only the rest of this formless , aimless ensemble comedy assembled so coherently . joe ( matthew modine ) is a waiter/struggling actor too proud to take gigs in commercials or soap operas . he's feeling somewhat dissatisfied with his relationship with his live-in love , mary ( catherine keener ) , who holds some subconscious hostility toward the male gender . mary , a makeup artist , regularly works on model sahara ( bridgette wilson ) , who is obsessed with the underlying messages in disney's the little mermaid . the bottle blonde has a turbulent on-again , off-again relationship with bob ( maxwell caulfield ) , a soap actor who yearns for the taste of a real blonde , which he finds in co-star kelly ( daryl hannah ) . as the film unspools , a variety of other characters pass through : fashion photographer blair ( marlo thomas ) ; mary's shrink ( buck henry ) and self-defense instructor ( denis leary ) ; joe's casting agent ( kathleen turner ) and hardass boss ( christopher lloyd ) ; and a mystery woman ( elizabeth berkley ) who keeps on crossing joe's path . where exactly does all this go ? that's a question best posed to writer-director dicillo , who doesn't appear to have the slightest clue himself . his meandering , largely unfunny script and direction are like hopelessly lost drivers , turning into dead-end narrative streets only to reverse course and hit another creative cul-de-sac . and another . and another . at one point bob , frustrated with the soap scripts , complains to the head writer ( jim fyfe ) that his and kelly's characters keep on going in circles , with no hint of development or growth . that is most certainly the case here . joe gets a job and ultimately botches things ; he and mary bicker ; they make up , only to have the pattern repeat itself . unhappy with his bottle blonde , bob gets his real blonde but is unsatisfied ; he returns to the faux and is still unsatisfied . if there is a point to all of this , dicillo dances around it , spending his time on apparent digressions that , as it turns out , aren't digressions at all . the real blonde is not without some amusements . it does have the occasional funny line and situation ; leary , henry , lloyd , steve buscemi , and dave chappelle shine in their small roles ; keener is a likable , refreshingly earthy lead ; berkley's appearance is mercifully brief ( she receives outrageously prominent billing and ad placement for a ten-minute role ) ; and there is the irony of having caulfield play a wildly popular soap star who makes the ratings skyrocket ( last year , the actor was fired from the daytime drama all my children after a scant six months--due to lack of viewer interest ) . but on the whole , the real blonde is a frustrating sit that lives up to the stereotypes of its title--it may be glossy on the surface , but there's nothing going on inside . ( opens february 27 )

sometimes you just have to tip your hat to a film . sometimes you just have to jump on the bandwagon and enjoy the ride . i saw the truman show with an audience full of teenagers , most of whom were no doubt drawn by ace ventura himself and hoping to see his latest take on fart jokes . surprised , they may have been , when they realized that this picture actually had something to say . but by the attentiveness of the crowd i'd say they were won over - as was i . i can't tell yet if truman really is that good , or if it only seems that good in comparison to the awful mountain of crap spewed forth from the bowls of hollywood so far this year . time alone will make that call . but by the end of the film we were all on truman burbank's side . we were concerned for his well-being , and wanted him to win . that we felt as we did is a tribute both to the film and to jim carrey , who has achieved legitimacy at last . the truman show is a film best viewed cold , with as little foreknowledge as possible about the plot . unless you're under a media blackout , however , you probably know the basics . carrey stars as truman burbank , a capra-esque everyman insurance agent living with his beautiful wife meryl ( laura linney ) in the south florida island town of seahaven , which looks like michael eisner's idea of the perfect american small town . truman would seem to live the perfect middle class lifestyle , complete with a working wife , a best bud , friendly neighbors and interesting co-workers . there is tragedy in his past - his father drowned in a horrible boating accident , leaving truman with a dreadful fear of water , and of travel in general - but overall , life is good . but then one day as truman leaves his house for work , a klieg light falls magically from the sky . this curious event may lead truman to discover what the rest of the world already knows : that he is a prisoner on the world's biggest soundstage , that his wife , friends and relatives are all actors paid to interact with him , and that his life has , for over 10 , 000 days , been broadcast as the world's most popular television program . what makes the first hour of truman so enjoyable to watch is the magical verisimilitude painstakingly constructed by niccol and weir . the soundstage , we're told , is " only the second man-made structure visible from space . " truman's movements are tracked ceaselessly by 5 , 000 cameras scattered throughout the town : button cams , dashboard cams , mirror cams , wife cams , big cams and small cams . weir cuts the film so we're never quite sure if we're watching truman through the camera of director weir or through the camera of the show's omnipotent creator christof ( ed harris ) who oversees the show from a control room built into the man-made moon in seahaven's sky . the second act offers a plethora of clues for truman as to the truth of his existence . his best friend marlon ( noah emmerich ) always has a six pack of beer with him . his wife seems to exist in an eternal commercial in which she is always endorsing the latest hot household product . he sees the same people walking in the same set patterns all over town . one wonders why he didn't pick up on any of this earlier , but christof has an answer for this : " people tend to accept the reality with which they're presented . " nevertheless , truman begins to grow restless , and dreams of escape to fiji , where an old college sweetheart ( natasha mcelhone ) supposedly lives . this convincing reality of television as progenitor of reality is a magical and provocative concept ; the best thing jim carrey does is stay out of its way . by underplaying truman , he allows the subtle manipulations of the film to take over . there is a particularly poignant scene in which truman confides his fears to marlon , and marlon answers with best-friend sincerity , " i'd gladly step in front of a bus for you . " but that line was fed to marlon through an earpiece by christof . the abject cruelty to which truman is subjected to hits home - and from that moment , we're on his side . the truman show derives much of its success from playing to our own secret paranoid fantasies - haven't we all , at least once , doubted our place in the world , doubted the sincerity of those closest to us ? ultimately , however , the picture rises above its own artifice to raise some real questions about the relationship of humankind and our creator . what does god really think of us ? does he resent our abandonment of paradise ? who exactly is watching us , up there in the sky ? if you enjoy the picture as much as i did , credit weir for allowing the magic of the screenplay to work . as for carrey - well , truman burbank is the kind of role that jimmy stewart was born to play . carrey is no jimmy stewart ; to his credit , he doesn't try to be . he just tries to feel the way you or i would , if we suddenly found out that the whole world was watching us .

in some respects , rush hour is the ultimate exercise in cliched filmmaking . the hero is the renegade cop that prefers to work alone . the cop in question cannot solve the case until he gets in trouble . all chinese people are somehow involved in the criminal element . the duo must always be completely mismatched . the hero has to say some smart-assed comment before ( and after ) shooting someone . however , that doesn't necessarily make for a bad film . rush hour is jackie chan's first major hollywood film since the dismal the protector ( 1985 ) . proving once again that hollywood can learn many things from foreign film markets ( ie : hong kong ) , jackie chan is given much more free reign than before . still , some die-hard jackie chan fans may be disappointed , as even chan himself has voiced displeasure over the length of the fight scenes ( which he views as too short , according to one interview ) . this film takes a familiar theme of east meets west . jackie chan is lee , the straight laced inspector who is imported to help deal with a kidnapping case , while chris tucker is carter , the loudmouthed , destructive cop that is `promoted' to the fbi to help him . or , at least , so he thinks ( also another classic notion in action films : the fbi must always get in the way of our heroes ) . despite the necessary conventions of action films , rush hour is some of the most fun you'll spend and hour and forty minutes watching . jackie chan continues to be one of the most exciting martial artists on the big screen , continuing to perform his own stunts and dazzling audiences with his flashy kicks and punches . chris tucker , familiar from his whiny , annoying role in the fifth element is more palatable , complementing jackie chan's straight-laced character . however , jackie chan still maintains his comic-slapstick edge , as expected of him and his films . perfectly downplaying the `fish-out-of-water' routine through his character's attempts at mixing into american culture , he makes up for the down time his character experiences . when he is in action , however , you'll be amused and dazzled . still being inventive in the use of objects to beat people up ( in this case , a steering wheel , a serving tray , and a barstool ) , jackie chan proves to be the pioneer of slapstick kung fu . chris tucker's character may come across as irritating , yet is also humorous . since he's not a physical actor to the level of jackie chan , he uses his main weapon : his mouth ( hence , the tagline , `fastest hands in the east meets the fastest mouth in the west' ) . while dialogue is not necessarily shakespeare , it is appropriate for the film and still very funny . while not necessarily poignant , attempts at character development and growth between characters come off surprisingly well . lee's `knowledge' of american pop culture ( `that's the beach boys ! ' ) when contrasted against carter's lack of knowledge of chinese culture makes for an interesting scene where lee teaches carter the kung fu disarming trick , while carter teaches lee hip-hop dance moves . while rush hour is not at the same level as police story 3 and 4 ( known in north america as supercop and jackie chan's first strike , respectively ) , it more than makes up for the poorly received films operation condor and mr . nice guy . with its appropriate mixture of high kicks and lots of laughs , it makes for a fun film . as well , it is a true departure from jackie chan films , as it is missing one common element : a whiny female co-star .

it is often said by his fans that hal hartley movies are an acquired taste . indeed . while perhaps less dangerous than tequila shooters or bungee-jumping , they require no less amount of physical stamina and concentration . i felt rewarded at the end of henry fool ; this movie creeps up on you-at a slow 139 minutes , i mean creeps-and despite the final shot's ambiguity , i left completely satisfied . henry fool ( " used to have an ? e' " ) arrives at garbageman simon grim's house , claims the vacant basement apartment , and almost instantly inspires simon ( urbaniak ) to take up writing-henry ( martin donovan look-alike ryan ) is an ex-convict , a once-great author who has been " exiled and marginalized " by the publishing community because of his criminal activity . simon's poetry turns him into a local sensation , as it causes mute women to sing , high-school girls to swoon , and councilmen to rile against its " pornographic " content . meanwhile , henry seduces both simon's dependent mother ( porter ) and immature sister ( sundance queen posey ) with philosophical babble ( which is by turns brilliant and inane ) and breathy animal lust . these story elements result in climaxes both inevitable and unpredictable ; the teacher-student relationship formed between henry and simon eventually reverses itself . henry fool is sprinkled with hartley-ian flourishes : simon drinks milk from " udderley's " ; the big teen hang-out is called " world of donuts " ; simon wears his garbageman's uniform throughout ; the editing style is decidedly elliptical . . . ( which is key to the conclusion's said ambiguity ) . the performances by the three leads are abrasive at first , self-consciously " quirky " ; the introductory scenes are a chore . these people do grow on you because they convey genuine passion , a belief in themselves , and because they have long-term goals ; henry and simon may drink a lot of budweiser and hang out on the streetcorner , but they aren't pop slackers . the story is rather classical : the tutor is a better talker than a doer , raised on books ; the timid tutee has innate talent his master only dreams of . ( shades of film school . . . ) the finished film is epic in its proportions for a story so small , and the final third does test one's patience , yet henry fool is tight , hardly excessive in its length . how refreshing to see a movie this long in 1998 devoted entirely to character . and unless i nodded off , not a single building exploded . this , hartley's seventh feature , is contemplative about " the artist " ; fortunately , we never get a sampling of simon's work , and it's a testament to the actors and the screenplay that by the end we can surmise what sort of thoughts would pour from these writers' pens .

bad . bad . bad . that one word seems to pretty much sums up beyond the valley of the dolls . if that summary isn't enough for you , how about t&a , t&a , t&a ? still haven't got the point ? other than director russ meyer's predilection for casting attractive large breasted women who ultimately expose the afore-mentioned anatomical areas , there is really only one other reason to recommend even taking a look at this movie . that is the fact that it was co-written by famed film critic roger ebert , who also was responsible for the screenplay . after watching this movie you will never be able to sit through another one of his reviews where he gives a movie a thumbs down for bad writing with a straight face . this movie stinks out loud . quite frankly , this movie deserves a . but there are parts of it that are so bad they are almost funny . so i'm giving it a . and maybe that is too generous . right from the opening credits , i knew that i had a class-a bomb on my hands . not only are the way the credits actually shot distracting , but the first scene you see includes a big breasted young woman being chased by a guy in a nazi uniform . i had absolutely no idea why the hell that was happening ( it does get explained later ) and as soon as the first scene is over , we cut to a completely unrelated scene . to be honest , as i sat through this movie mesmerized by just how incredibly awful it was , i actually forgot about the seemingly out of place opening until it popped up again later in the film . with the quality of the writing during the rest of the film , it wouldn't have surprised me if the opening had never been explained . so what is this movie about ? you ask . like it really matters . ok , here goes . this all-girl band headed by kelly macnamara ( dolly reed ) and her friends go to hollywood to try to gain a foothold in the music industry . once there , they do manage to find success ( due as much to their hooters as anything else ? it sure wasn't for their brutally bad singing voices ) , and the movie chronicles how their lives change for the worse as the pressures of fame get to them . everything from big egos , to booze and drugs to free flowing sex sends them on a downward spiral . there are a couple of other idiotic subplots thrown in for good measure , but the fame is the one that pretty much sums up this thing . >from a creative standpoint there is nothing redeeming here . other than the above-mentioned obsession with big knockers that russ meyer seemed to have . the dialogue is so incredibly bad that it literally is funny in parts . mr . ebert has generously thrown in helpings of " hey man " , " dig " and my all time favorite -- " this is my happening , and it freaks me out " . now i ask you , with lines like that how can you go wrong ? ebert had tried to inject as many big words as possible into the dialogue . maybe he thought it would make the movie seem smarter . i don't know , but all the big words in the world wouldn't be able to disguise the bad writing and even worse acting . but the wretched dialogue goes along well with the wretched quality of everything else in this movie . i've seen home movies directed better than meyer managed with this turkey . in fact , there is one scene -- the one in which they are in a van driving to hollywood to make their fortunes -- during which i really had to question if meyer or his editors had just suffered serious head injuries . add to the directing and writing the music in this movie . i almost got up to check my sound system to see if it was broken , there was such a pile of crap emanating from the speakers . then we have the cast . first lets start david gurian who played harris , the manager of the band . this has got to be the goofiest looking guy that has ever set foot in front of a motion picture camera . sadly , his acting doesn't come close to making up for his looks . if you have been following along up to this point , this shouldn't surprise you . meyer's stable of well endowed girls also have the benefit of being fairly attractive to go along with their other assets . dolly reed plays kelly , the leader of the band . and no surprise here , she was cast for her cup size , not her talents . and yes , she does loose the shirt a few times and display her impressive talents . sadly , her ass is almost as large as her chest . hey , it a sexist movie , so i'm writing a sexist review . then we have former playboy playmate cynthia myers in a fairly small role as casey , one of the other band members . this goes along with the rest of the idiotic thinking in the movie . meyer casts a gorgeous playmate with a rack to kill for and who obviously has no acting talent at all , but her nude scenes are the biggest disappointment of all . sure russ , now is the time to get artsy and throw in some well placed shadows . on the up side , she does have a fun lesbo scene . i sound like i'm writing a review in a porn magazine . but hey , i'll admit it ; the only reason that i actually managed to sit through this damn movie was to catch a look at cynthia myers naked . and since that was a huge disappointment , i pretty much wasted two hours of my life on this turkey . the only thing that i can say about this movie is that you should stay away from it . unless of course you want to feel good about yourself by knowing that even a pulitzer prize winning film critic like roger ebert has screwed up at least once in his life too . and if you are thinking of checking it out for the double d's -- you are better off just downloading nude cynthia myers pictures off the internet . this is a movie that should be avoided at all costs . an even better idea might be to require video stores to place a warning on the box of beyond the valley of the dolls -- beware : this movie is extremely hazardous to your common sense . proceed with extreme caution .

one never quite knows what one is going to get with a mamet film . his american buffalo is a set-bound piece that has very little plot . sometimes he will tell a story that really moves . heist is mamet doing his most entertaining work . unlike his the spanish prisoner , there are no lapses in credibility . heist is probably the best mamet thriller since house of games . it is the kind of plot with which you are never sure who will double-cross whom , and frequently it is mamet double-crossing the viewer . watching the film's team getting around security the viewer is frequently asking himself either " what the heck are they doing ? " or " why didn't anybody think of that before ? " appropriately enough heist opens with a very clever jewelry store job . it is so clever that one wonders if mamet really thinks up all these ideas himself or if he has help from professional magician and con expert ricky jay , now a regular actor in mamet films . this is a robbery that works like a well-oiled machine . there is just one problem and it is enough to get joe moore ( played by gene hackman ) filmed on a security camera . now joe has to get out of the business . it was coming time anyway . joe's team including bobby blane ( delroy lindo ) , fran moor ( rebecca pidgeon ) , and pinky pincus ( ricky jay ) is going to split up and go separate ways . but crime boss bergman ( danny devito ) is pulling the strings and he says that joe and his people have to manage one more robbery . and he has to take along a young kid , the short- fused jimmy silk ( sam rockwell ) . immediately it is obvious that there is more going on than meets the eye . much of what distinguishes heist is mamet's dialog . remarkably it serves a double purpose . the robbery team sounds at once very professional and at the same time it has mamet's special feel for dialog . hackman has lines like " everybody needs money . that's why they call it money . " mamet's timing is perfect in the direction but terrible in the production . the plot is coincidentally a lot like the plot of the recent the score , which is , in fact , a very similar story . both are good films , perhaps for some of the same reasons . but at least on a high level they are much the same story . the other problem with the timing of heist is that it involves airport security and clever ways to get around them . i saw the film at the toronto international film festival on september 12 , 2001 . that made the subject matter just a little too timely . my understanding is that the release will be delayed . my biggest problem with the film is that rebecca pidgeon's acting at times seems very poor . it is some kind of mamet trademark i do not understand to have women talk without inflection , as if they are just reading the words for the first time . it is an irritation and distracts us from what is otherwise a very good thriller . it is one i rate an 8 on the 0 to 10 scale and a high +2 on the -4 to +4 scale .

the first in a very long list of things wrong with " i still know what you did last summer " is the title . think about it for a second . if the last movie was called " i know what you did last summer " , wouldn't the next movie have to be " i still know what you did two summers ago " ? if anyone working on this movie had an i . q . greater than five would have thought about it logically and said , " hey . . . wait a minute " . but alas , the people behind this film are obviously idiots , so i won't hold them to that . what i will hold them to is the fact that they have a pretty bad movie on their hands , even for a teenage slasher flick . i guess i'm one of the few critics who actually kind of liked the original film ( emphasis on the " kind of " ) . it wasn't great or anything and maybe not even necessarily good , but at least it didn't have me glancing at my watch every minute or so like it's sequel did . there are just so many problems with this movie that it's hard trying to figure out where to start . first of all , i guess , is the setting . the movie offers no rational reason why the film had to take place in the bahamas , other than the fact that the producers wanted a seaside setting . exactly why does the fisherman want to go through all the trouble of faking a radio contest to get julie james ( jennifer love hewitt , one of the only survivors of the first film ) and her new college buddies out to the islands before he hacks them up ? the movie suffers from this kind of logic all the way through . in one scene , julie is in a tanning booth at a deserted gym when the hooked fisherman with the slicker comes in and seals up the booth so the damsel in distress can't get out , no matter how hard she tries . when julie discovers she's going to slowly fry to death , she screams for help and her friends come to her rescue . now , this is all fine and dandy except for one thing ; instead of spending five minutes trying to bust open the booth , why not just turn the freakin' thing off ? in another scene , one of the characters , after having their significant other all but decapitated by the man in the slicker , says to julie , " just don't tell anybody it rained the whole time . " oh yeah , i've just been terrorized by a hook wielding sociopath and had some of my best friends gruesomely slaughtered , but hey , i'll crack jokes anyway . after all , it is in the script . the film's only saving graces are a few well-executed suspense sequences and a really cool cameo by the " re-animator himself , jeffrey combs . he brings some good comic relief and life to an otherwise limp movie . way to go , jeffrey . i have a hunch that the reason this film fizzles while the first one at least kept it's head above water is the recent absence of writer kevin williamson . with " scream " and even it's sequel , he displayed a real talent as a screenwriter . his ear for dialogue and the terrific endings he puts on all his films make him a standout from all the rest of the horror writers , and i think " i still know " has really suffered by not having him on board . the cool atmosphere is still there this time around , but i just didn't like the characters or the writing as much as i did in the first one . even though the movie doesn't have williamson , it still has a hacky ending , trying to do what kevin did with the first two " scream " s by ( some may consider this a spoiler , but if you have seen any horror movies whatsoever , then you should be able to guess the identity of the madman within twenty minutes ) having two killers and , this time , having one of them being a family member to the other . i think someone in the audience put it best when , after the movie had ended with another " the killer is back ! " cliffhanger , he said " who is this time , the grandma ? " all in all , " i still know " tries to be as successful as the first the film was , but really fails in the attempt . i mean , it's okay when slasher movies rip-off each other , but when they start copying themselves . . .

fact that charles bronson represents one of the most important movie icons of the 1980s represents one of the biggest and almost tragic ironies of that decade . tragedy lies in the fact that the icon status was earned less by quality of his work in movies , but the quantity . most of those movies were produced by cannon group , company led by israeli producers menahem golan and yoram globus . those two men probably thought that they could be the next roger corman , b- movie mentors of future hollywood legends . unfortunately , that didn't happened , and when cannon finally went bankrupt at the end of the decade , behind it stood the huge pile of cinematic garbage , that would require at least few centuries before it reaches the camp appeal . sadly for bronson , that garbage also contained numerous movies in which that capable character actor and action hero of the 1970s tried to raise their worth simply by being the main lead , and lowering his own reputation in process . on the other hand , bronson could take comfort in a fact that those movies were extremely popular , especially among the audience 3 or 4 times younger than bronson himself . one of such movies that seriously marred bronson's reputation is death wish 3 , third sequel in the series which began with death wish in 1974 . in the original movie , bronson played paul kersey , mild-mannered new york architect who turns into deadly street vigilante after his family fell victim to urban violence . that movie was far from masterpiece ; yet , in it the director michael winner was skillfully offering the cinematic remedy for very real disease of growing crime rates of the time ( on the same lines like siegel in dirty harry ) . unfortunately , six years later cannon group got rights to the character of paul kersey and began destroying it by pumping out sequels ; even the presence of its original director didn't stop the rapid decline of the quality . death wish 3 begins when kersey comes to visit an old friend , living in the urban wasteland of east new york , populated by young criminals and people too old or too poor to move out . before the reunion , kersey's friend falls victim to the street gang led by evil fraker ( played by gavan o'herlihy , probably the only noteworthy role in the film ) . kersey decides to avenge his death and slowly prepares for his crusade , while the police inspector shriker ( ed lauter ) , ants to use him as a secret weapon in his losing war against the urban crime . bronson , the main asset in this movie , plays the character who is nothing more than an efficient killing machine . although bronson's charisma does help in overcoming some implausibilities ( single man in his 60s and armed with a single pistol manages to wipe out dozens of opponents with superior firepower ) , the lack of emotions or bronson's own commitment could be seen in a very few lines spoken in a film . the movie authors were somewhat aware of that emotional shallowness , so they added romantic interest for their hero - public defender played by deborah raffin and conveniently terminated in order to give some more motives for kersey's crusade . on the other hand , emotions are much better played by confronting law-abiding , yet ethnically stereotyped citizens with their daily nemesis of street punks - ruthless enough to exercise their reign of terror on the entire city blocks , and stupid enough to be killed in droves by kersey . unfortunately , michael winner doesn't know how to work out the plot , and after torturing the viewers with mostly uninteresting characters and cliched and formulaic situations , ends this movie with a bang . the big showdown at the end - that turns east new york into the sarajevo-like battle zone - is probably the worst part of the movie , because of the poor editing and the cheap sets and props that give away the low budget . in short , this movie could be recommended only to the most fanatical charles bronson fans or for the people who are already desperate for 1980s nostalgia . ( special note for trekkies : marina sirtis , the actress who played counsellor deanna troi in star trek : the next generation could be spotted in a small role of portorican wife ) .

if i were to plot a graph of year against movie-plot-ridiculity for = hollywood movies , you'll probably see a line with constant gradient . = now , if i were to plot that same graph for the movies that the michael = bay/jerry bruckheimer has made over the last 4 years , that line would be = exponential in growth . the team started out with the will smith vehicle = bad boys which was no more than a 2hr long action-music-video , = nevertheless entertaining . then came the rock , where audiences flocked = to see nicholas cage team up with sean connery against some terrorizing = general fighting over some stupid cause . con-air was ridiculousy dumb in = its premise but it did have fun moments , and who can forget the nursery = rhyme sang by that psycho killer played by steve buscemi . while these = movies worked because there was something better to cover-up the dirt , = armageddon does not . very much like deep impact , a meteor is heading towards earth and they = didn't realize it until 18 days from impact . deep impact settled with = the modest meteor size as large as the city of new york but armageddon = just had to be bigger . . . . well about the size of texas ( that kinda meteor = whould probably knock earth out of its orbit ! ) . the panic of this = sighting spurs the idea of landing people on the meteor , drill it then = nuke it ( sounds familiar ) and who better to do such a job than harry = stamper ( bruce willis ) , your very own oil-driller extraordinaire and = his team of macho-misfits , nursing the tagline `there ain't nothin' on = this planet that harry can't drill ! ' . in that 18 days , harry's group was = split into 2 teams , trained for deep-space flight and finally blasted = into space in with special drilling vehicles on 2 new space shuttles . the main relationship drama of armageddon is formed within the = relationship of harry , a . j . and grace . to give you an idea , a . j . works = for harry , and loves grace , harry's daughter . the problem is , harry = hates to see his daughter hanging around some scruffy grunt like himself = for the rest of her life . so while a . j . and harry struts it out , grace = is place in a position where she is unable to take sides , so she remains = seated in the nasa control tower , crying over both of them in about 80% = of the movie . the human elements this movie tries to inject proves to be nothing more = than just an excuse for more slow-mo's and gold-tinted photography . the = anguish of the world is potrayed with scenes of people praying , running = for their lives or just sitting still staring at the sky , sounds fine = right ? i know , but it looks too out of place on screen , too staged . if = you were to ask yourself , `what's the difference between armageddon and = a r&b music video ? " you'd probably just said `the music . " . not = surprising since michael bay is a child of that industry and has = actually managed to transpose his mtv skills to screen successfully . his = foray into armageddon just proves that he doesn't when to stop . well there's really nothing much to sum up here . the = stock-aitken-waterman of hollywood movies have projected their art-form = into ridiculity , beyond the plane believability , where people still = accept even if they didn't believe . deep impact was ridiculous in most = aspects and i believe the makers know this . the thing is , they decided = to shroud myth and fantasy with a purely believable human tale of = suffering and coming in terms with ones problems , which ultimately = brought it above the ashes which it had initially put itself in . = armageddon , is an overcrowded , loud , messy , preposterously manipulative = waste of money and deserves to remain in that same pile of ash . . =20 if you have planned to watched this over deep impact because of liv = tyler , bruce willis or the tagline " from the makers of `the rock' ! ! " . = please catch deep impact before it finishes its run , it may be the only = meteor worth watching in long-long time . if you have to see it , please = bring ear-plugs and some aspirins ( for the vertigo ) . expect armageddon = ld's to retail at s$19 . 90 at carrefour come release time . gee . . . . . . even = that's not worth it !

the last of vampire-films offers plenty of blood and gore , but beyond that - nothing . jack crow ( james woods ) is a professional vampire slayer that is secretly working for the vatican . his and his men's mission is to clean the earth from vampires . they have lost count of how many vampires they have slaughtered , but one has always escaped them . valek ( thomas ian griffith ) - the dark messias and ruler of the undead that is older than time itself . for all eternity the vampires have searched for their salvation - the black cross . with the cross in their possesion , the vampires will be able to walk in the sunlight . after that it is either the humans or the vampires who will dominate the earth . . . i have never liked john carpenter and his style . after seeing this film , my opinions have not changed . john carpenter remains john carpenter . however , because of the film's self-irony , black humour and fascinating cinematography , i would say that it is his greatest achievement in a long , long time . neither the synopses or carpenter's direction are original . but there are some things that are interesting . the director's negative view on the catholic church , for instance . at the end of the film it becomes clear that cardinal alba ( maximilian schell ) has simply used crow and his team to find valek , so that he would gain eternal life . otherwise the catholic priests are shown cool - drinking , smoking and breaking the rool of celibacy . carpenter has created an interesting atmosphere . set in new mexican dessert , he switches between bright golden sunrises and bloody sundowns , symbolically illustrating the good and the evil through light and darkness . more than anything in this film , this simple illustration shows the battle between good and evil . the cinematography by gary b . kibbe is probably the film's greatest achievement . music ( composed by john carpenter himself ) is at times effective , the special effects and makeup are likewise worth a notice . when it comes to the cast ( in an intellectual film like this casting is the last problem ; everyone can scream and swing the axe ! ) , but here james woods is suprisingly convincing . he is macho and cool as the dedicated hunter , who lost his family to the " breed of evil " . woods is constantly overacting , which really saves the film from falling into the trap of serious self importance . daniel baldwin is also entertaining as crow's loyal partner . the other cast members are struggling . because the film doesn't take itself too seriously , it stays afloat . still it is like most vampire-films - a mediocre experience .

9 : its pathetic attempt at " improving " on a shakespeare classic . 8 : its just another piece of teen fluff . 7 : kids in high school are not that witty . 6 : the wittiness is not witty enough . 5 : the comedy is not funny . 4 : the acting is poor . 3 : the music . 2 : the poster . 1 : its worse than she's all that ! 10=a classic 9=borderline classic 8=excellent 7=good 6=better than average 5=average 4=disappointing 3=poor 2=awful 1=a crap classic

the truman show ( paramount pictures ) running time : 1 hour 42 minutes starring jim carrey and ed harris directed by peter weir after a long wait , jim carrey's dramatic debut finally makes it to the big screen . in case you've been asleep for the last few months , the plot centres on truman burbank ( carrey ) who leads an seemingly idyllic life in the beautiful town of seahaven . his life seems so perfect , however , because it's controlled by christoff ( harris ) creator of the truman show , the program burbank is unwittingly the hero of . that's right , burbank's life is being broadcast live to the american public , and seahaven and all it's inhabitants are inclosed in a massive sound stage . the film takes the jerry springer format one step too far . . . with an idea so different , it would be easy for the director and screenwriter to dumb it down and appeal to the lowest common denominator . luckily , the film remains sensible enough to appeal to all ages , yet never seems to be a dumb carrey movie . talking of carrey , he's perfect in this movie , enjoying the best role in his career . his character is a re-inforced stanley ipkiss from the mask ( 1994 ) and is completely suited to carrey's persona . he occasionally falls into ace ventura mode , shrieking and being silly , but generally the audience is watching subdued carrey . he's not completely dramatic like the film promises , however . ed harris brings an extreme intensity to christoff , the megalomaniac creator of the show . quiet and well spoken , he burns an image into the viewer . unfortunately , he's barely in the film , and for the first hour dosen't appear at all ! also disappointing is natascha mcelhone's character sylvia . she plays the role well , but her character is sadly underwritten and is pushed to the sidelines just when the audience is used to her . the supporting cast is excellent , and the town of seahaven looks delightfully perfect , so perfect it's creepy . the philip glass soundtrack is also superb , and is used to great effect during the film . peter weir keeps the film going , clearly having fun . the film is far more upbeat than his previous films dead poets society and green card . although it is slightly slow to begin with , about half an hour into film the pace really picks up , and when christoff is introduced fully the film is on a roll . sadly , though , the film is practically over when the film is in full steam . also , concerning the ending , it is slightly too ambiguous , which was disappointing . the screenwriter , andrew niccol , who bought us gattaca ( 1997 ) delivers an entertaining script , and manages to keep the plot in trim . while christoff's plans to keep truman in do get increasingly silly , they never go over the line , which would have been easy for niccol to do . also , there's some funny gags involving product placement and the people who watch the show . overall , the truman show is excellent entertainment . certainly different from the usual crap hollywood produces , it should be viewed by everyone . it offers something to every member of the audience , and you would almost certainly not come out disappointed . overall rating= review by david wilcock ? 1998 " you know , for kids " - norville barnes

when the mediums in question are video game and feature film , has there ever been a respective here-to-there transformation that achieved any ground higher than noodle-headed mediocrity ? " super mario bros . , " " street fighter " and " mortal kombat " were silly stinkers all , and now the empty , execrable " wing commander " joins their lowly ranks . enduring this spectacularly bad bit of sci-fi , easily the worst of its kind , is like watching someone futz around with a video game for 100 minutes - that is to say , there's little fun to be had when you're not the one holding the joystick . the movie , then , is a missed opportunity for director chris roberts , who created the original , groundbreaking pc incarnation of " wing commander " back in 1990 . how an interactive brainchild so revered could end up such a cinematic pile of junk under the helm of the same guy is a head-scratcher . " wing commander " 's story , credited to roberts and screenwriter kevin droney , is clueless chaos melding incoherent narrative and unoriginal ideas . it rips off the finest films of its genre , top gun and , in one scene , even those spiffy " stereoscopic freeze " gap commercials . set in 2654 , " wing commander " stars freddie prinze jr . as a daredevil cosmos cowboy who hopes to be a great fighter pilot like his father before him . along the way , he plays kissy-face with his stoic superior ( saffron burrows ) at the new galaxy hangout where he's posted , comes to terms with bigots who resent him for his " pilgrim " heritage ( don't ask ) , and goes on a top-secret mission involving the " jump coordinates " ( what , no death star plans ? ) of a nasty alien race known as the kilrathi . or something like that . given the immensely confusing activity , it's hard to tell . on the other hand , what's easy to see is that " wing commander " is a big old mess . the lame dialogue strains , filled with such original lines as " don't you die on me ! " , " battle stations ! " and repeated ( and frequently unanswered ) calls for a " medic ! " action sequences fizzle . the character conflict garners unintentional giggles . the sole source of suspense here is what these kilrathi creeps look like , as they're kept out of view until the concluding 15 minutes . imagine bearded siamese cats crossed with something from a ? 50s roger corman cheapie and you've got a good idea . little but techno-babble happens for an hour , and then it's as if " wing commander " tries to do too much at once ; when it appears as though the movie's about to show signs of a pulse , it instead provides a hilarious touch of human drama culminating with a use for a bulldozer that has probably never been seen in this kind of space camp before . matthew lillard , featured prominently in said sequence , is cast as prinze's hotshot partner , and though the two are fine young actors - recently paired in the hit " she's all that " - they're fighting more than otherworldly evil here . rumor has it that " wing commander " was slated as a later-in-the-year release , bumped up to capitalize off this hot casting coup as well as the premiere of the new " star wars : episode i " trailer . but in my audience , there were no females present to make goo-goo eyes at prinze or lillard , and many a member exited after the much-ballyhooed sneak peek . since most cineplexes won't be granting refunds to the latter contingency , " commander " might rake in some dough , but be warned : the high wears off as soon as the coming attraction gives way to the feature presentation .

i was born in 1970 , which makes me barely old enough to remember bell buttons , 8 tracks and disco . however , since i was 17 years old i've seen more than my share of adult films . i mention this only because i thinks its important to state up front that i'm not against pornogrpahy . i've seen enough of these films to know the range of content and quality available . director paul thomas anderson's boogie nights offers us a view into the world of porn during the period considered to be the golden age of adult cinema , the mid to late 70s . this was the period when x-rated movies were real movies , shot on film , shown in movie theaters and even reviewed by legitimate critics . this was an age when porn directors actually aspired to make innovative often educational films , films that attempted to tell a real story . one of the more fascinating aspects of this film is how , like in an any other billion dollar industry , the creative visionaries tend to be ignorant to the trends that will soon make them obsolete . in this case , the arrival of the now ubiquitous videocassette . burt reynold's manages to resuscitate his career portraying such an auteur , known as jack horner . horner's has a steady " family " of performers , some of whom live in his plush l . a . home . but in the world of porn , performers are a commodity - the fresher , the better . when horner scouts a fresh faced stud bussing tables at his favorite discotheque , he decides to add him to his stable . it is a pairing that leads to a meteoric rise and fall for a young man reaching his prime and an old man rapidly speeding past his . as directed by anderson , the camera moves through many of the scenes with an eerie omnipresence and an almost childlike curiosity to peer beyond the closed door . boogie nights provides a voyeuristic peep into the underbelly of l . a . 's hardcore film scene . but the peep show doesnut let us walk away when the titillation ends . the downside of voyeurism is sometimes we end up seeing things we wish we hadnut . by the film's final image , what we we once found titillating has now become a grim reminder of the vanity of fame and the high price of realizing your dreams . boogie nights is not about sex . it does not glorify porn or the lifestyles of the performers . in fact , the film isn't really about pornography at all . pornography is merely the setting to tell a compelling story about a lost and forgotten group of people who form their own sub-culture to find acceptance of who they are . the film goes to brilliant , often hilarious and sometimes harrowing lengths to show us that the people who choose to produce or perform in these films are generally not all that bright and lack the basic tools to function in the mainstream world . yet , like in the lauded tarantino films , these people still have their own moral code , their own concepts of integrity and their own needs to experess themselves creatively . the characters we meet are like a road map of dysfuntion . first stop , the den mother ( julianne moore ) in denial about her addiction to cocaine as she tries to retain custody of her son . second stop , the cuckold crewman ( william h . macy ) who keeps discovering his wife having sex with anyone and everyone ( the wife is played in hilarious cameos by real-life porn star nina hartley ) . but the driving force behind the plot is 17 year old eddie adams . eddie is blessed with a natural endowment so famous that people actually pay just to see it . with no real ambition of his own , he hooks up with jack horner to fullfill his destiny of fame . his alcoholic mother , clearly dissatisfied with her own lot , abuses him verbally and drives him out of the house . horner introduces him to amber waves ( moore ) who immediately adopts him , a nuclear family is born . the surrogate relationship that develops between amber waves and her " babies " provides some of the films most poignant scenes . clearly , she is not even fit to manage her own life , let alone nurture these lost children . but the need to love and be loved is so strong , they easily ignore the dangers of the less subtle addiction she introduces them to . even the viewer is somehow lulled into feeling like the love she offers is similar to being in a real family . then again , perhaps its not so different from real families at all . eddie adams , who later takes on the screen name " dirk diggler " , is skillfully acted by former pop-star , mark wahlberg . i say " former " pop star because with this performance wahlberg can officially quit his day job . this is bold and brave territory for such a young man . he pulls it off marvelously . wahlberg is a " big , bright star " with a big bright future . boogie nights plays very much in the spirit of the people versus larry flynt , without the first amendment preachiness . its intimate studies of character make it the superior film . wahlberg's surprising performance is on par with woody harrelson's . but in my opinion , boogie nights , is not the best film of the year . i got the feeling that itus 2 1/2 hour running time could have been cut by 15 or 20 minutes without losing any of its resonance . still , if the subject matter of this film intimidates you , thereus no doubt that once you start watching boogie nights you may still feel like its not your thing , but youull find yourself grooving to it anyway . . . ya know , kinda like disco .

a film that means well , but is too pushy in promoting its belabored point and too sentimental to be compelling as a drama . it's jeroen krabb ? 's melodrama about a community of jews in antwerp in 1972 who can't forget their bitter past . the heroine is an attractive , carefree , nonreligious 20-year-old , chaja ( fraser ) , who wants to forget her jewish roots by getting involved in student demonstrations , screwing a student rebel leader , and living with her gentile friends away from her nagging mother ( s ? gebrecht ) and her self-absorbed , eccentric father ( schell ) . her parents are survivors of the holocaust concentration camps , and her home life is filled with angst . her mother is in denial about the past always busying herself by cooking soup and baking cakes and complaining about everything , while her father is more openly loving but has recently been absorbed in searching for two suitcases filled with mementos , a family album , silverware , and his old violin . he buried them in a garden during the war while fleeing the nazis , but can't locate them now due to all the changes in the city . out of frustration after quitting her job as a dishwasher and facing eviction from her apartment , she reluctantly accepts a job as a nanny with an hasidic couple that an old man in her parents' apartment building , mr . apfelschnitt ( topol ) , tells her about . the hasidics are ultra-orthodox : they don't go to the cinema or watch tv , adhere to strict dress codes , and strictly observe their religious laws . chaja is at first put off by the way they expect her to follow their rules , but soon finds the wife , mrs . kalman ( rossellini ) , to be kind and she becomes attached to one of her 5 children , a 4-year-old named simcha ( monty ) who doesn't talk . the stern mr . kalman ( krabb ? ) is not friendly to her and considers her to be a whore because of the way she dresses . to hammer home the point of how anti-semitism hasn't gone away there's a barrage of overdone and uninvolving scenes with a sneering concierge ( bradley ) , who keeps making nasty remarks about jews and tries to make things inconvenient for them by preventing the jewish family from using the elevator . the film is done in by its ham-fisted script as the story , adapted from carl friedman's book " the shovel and the loom , " goes from one false note to another until it gets lost in all the goo of its sentimentality . it starts off telling chaja's story of how she's a lost jewess trying to find her identity , then to her nanny role as she loves a mute child stuck in an insulated environment , and then it makes it a story about the lingering effects of the bitter past that can't be forgotten . the effort seemed heavy-handed , as the film kept delivering too many obvious messages that it ponderously kept delivering through the stock characters . the supporting cast consists of all wooden characters who give their roles a cartoonish flavoring : chaja's parents are given no human shades , while the janitor villain was a particularly annoying role that was one-dimensional and falsely acted . the only ones who fought through the script and showed some feelings were fraser , whose effervescent face was expressive of both the trying times she was going through and the joys she felt -- but most admirably showing how she could be so mistaken as to think that she could forget her roots ; while rossellini gave a warm performance of a woman suffering in silence , but is strong in accepting her faith . topol's reassuring performance as the wise man who says all the right things to fraser , acts as the true voice of the filmmaker in explaining all the sufferings with common sense . the film brazenly uses little simcha to get across its agenda of pointing out how the patriarchal world can be cruel when it can't love : it starts out by showing how under chaja's loving care he's taken to the duck pond and soon starts jabbering away , beginning by saying 'quack , quack' and then going on to ask the four questions during a passover seder . but by showing how the boy is so terrified of his strict father that he wets his pants in his presence , refuses to speak because of his stern dad , and eventually becomes the victim of a tragic accident , the film thereby exploits the boy's sufferings and his story just becomes tiresome and not sincerely done . i felt i didn't just see a movie , but i attended a lecture for the whole 100 minutes of this serious but unappetizing story . it was the kind of movie that you hoped would somehow end soon , as it seemed to be in the habit of rehashing its same viewpoint unnecessarily--the message it keeps sending was already received . in the last shot where father and daughter are hopelessly digging for the lost luggage , one has the impression that no one in the film learned anything about themselves or the past . that seems strange , since i thought that was what this film was supposed to be about . unless i was mistaken and the film's real aim was to make us cry over simcha .

hello kids . today the movie studios want to take over my critical review , and somehow persuade you that _armageddon_ , the summer's biggest blockbuster , is a film for everybody . and remember , if a film is for _everybody_ , and if it makes the most money for the summer , it _must_ be good , right ? armageddon is a comedy , with a capital " c " . it stars bruce willis , who has a hundred one-liners ! it has a tiny rock land directly in the middle of a heated argument in new york city ! ! and , chuckle , chuckle , one of those new yorkers , _survives_ , with charcoal all over his face ! ! snorkle , * sniff * , hiccup . and it has steve buscemi as a _genius_ who wants to work for an oil rig ? knee-slap ! ! isn't this just so , so , funny ! ? armageddon also has romance , with a capital " r " . it has a tender moment between * forbidden lovers * ben affleck and liv tyler , with , with , animal crackers ! and it has will patton as a long lost husband trying to reunite with his separated wife and child , who thinks he's a salesman ! gurgle , * sniff * , awwwww . and it has steve buscemi spewing more one-liners about minors and strippers . umm , moving right along . . . armageddon also has lots of action , with a capital " a " . not just any action sequence would do . it must have _original_ action sequences that are designed to thrill . like , drill , darn it , drill ! ! ! and , let's have inept people destroy the mir space station ! ! can't you hear your heart beating ! ? and steve buscemi goes crazy and starts shooting at people ! ! what drama ! ! lastly , armageddon is out there to save the planet , with a capital " p " . this can't be any old thriller--we must have an asteroid , the size of texas head straight for earth ! ! and , and , we must have beautiful scenic worldwide shots , like paris , blown up . and , and , we must have peoples of all colors , nations , and religions , join hand in hand for one final , hopeful , hug . the final sequence , where muslims in prostrate worship stand up--in domino fashion--to cheer the victory , filled me with such emotional goo that i wanted to , to , to rip the screen into shreds ! ! i mean , i mean , cheer for ecstatic joy ! ( it was over ) . comedy . " c " . romance . " r " . action . " a " . planet . " p " . okay , kids , what does that spell ? seriously , folks . any film that could take the indie-films' most valuable talents , and throw it all away with a bruce willis vehicle , a hundred-million dollar budget , but have cheap-o sets and lousy special effects , is , bottom line , living proof that hell exists , and has made a multi-picture deal with universal . in the midst of all the action , the terseness , the one-liners , the fake sets , the overall waste of time , i recognized matt malloy playing an underwritten nasa technician ( " malloy , give me a reading " ) . remember him ? he was a principal player in last year's _in the company of men_ , a film that was more powerful , shocking , terrifying , funny , and shocking than _armageddon_ could ever aspire to be . _armageddon_ cost over $100 million to make . _itcom_ cost a paltry $30 , 000 . need i say more ?

i guess that if a very wild bachelor party had gone really bad , there would be broken furniture , traces of smack and cocaine on the floor , and a dead prostitute in the bathroom . i guess that if a movie had also gone really bad , there might be the same elements present . coincidence ? poor kyle ( a meek looking jon favreau ) . . . he is about to marry his radiant fiancee , laura ( cameron diaz ) . but before he exchanges his vows , he embarks to las vegas with his friends for one last blowout . but this bachelor party has gone about as bad as it could possibly get . the prostitute has met a horrible , though accidental death , and drugs are everywhere . the five friends agree that there is enough bad evidence here that will send them to jail for a very long time . a surprisingly calm robert boyd ( christian slater ) , who looks like he was groomed to make nefarious decisions , ponders their dilemma for a few minutes before deciding that the best thing to do is to bury the body in the desert where she'll never be found . although they stomach the gruesome deed of getting rid of the body ( which also disturbingly involves dismantling the body using power saws in order to stuff it into suitcases ) , when they return from their trip , guilt and paranoia begins to set in which slowly consumes some of the five friends . one is adam ( daniel stern ) he grows increasingly agitated . whenever people look at his van or whenever a cop glances his way , his blood pressure increases . or that just may be because of his dysfunctional family . another is michael , who was actually responsible for her death . he tries to bury his feelings , but the burden of guilt begins to affect his judgment as well . boyd is the ? doer' of the group . seemingly suffering from a long psychosis , when he feels as if his secret is about to be exposed , he is apt to take extreme measures to cover up his tracks . kyle just hopes that his wedding will live up to laura's demanding expectations . then , there's moore ( leland orser ) who speaks 5 lines and walks around with a puzzled look on his face . the problem with this reprehensible movie is that it wants to be a cruel comedy , but it presents things in a manner that just aren't funny . drugs , mutilation , and killing your own friends isn't something to be laughed at . as a straight psychological drama , i could see how it might have worked , as each one tried to maneuver and overcome the weight of their own guilt in their own sometimes-sick ways . but this movie insults us by assuming that we could simply discard our values for 2 hours . if you do like this movie , i don't think that i want to know you . i did find slater a convincing leader who sways his friends to choose not the right thing but the ? smart play . ' and diaz adds some brightness to this film as a wedding-needing fiancee . but her talents are essentially wasted here . it's obvious that the film maker is trying to strike a certain tone . but the way that he chooses to do it is tasteless . do not make a very bad decision by seeing this film .

according to the publicity material , with this movie the directors " hope to restore good old-fashioned bowling to its rightful place in the mainstream of american consciousness . " hmm . you never know , they just might be on to something . what with the rise of geek chic , lounge music and seventies fashion , the ever-contrary kids of the nineties might just latch on to bowling as another terminally unhip bastion of tackyana to claim as their own . but then , i doubt if kingpin will have anything to do with it . it's cheesy all right , but connoisseurs of bad taste will find this film exudes that bland smell of stale jokes rather than the invigorating stink of true kitsch . that's a shame , because , in the first ten minutes or so the film promises to be a lot more . woody harrelson plays the hotshot bowler on the rise , roy munson . the movie opens in the fifties with roy's dad dishing out the reader's digest/gumpian wisdom in scoopfuls , shifting to the 70s for a hilarious spoof of saturday night fever . the sardonic tone of the proceedings is much enhanced by the presence of bill murray , as the delectably slimy big ern mcracken . it's thanks to murray that the first quarter of kingpin seems so good - he gives the wry , derisive edge to this otherwise rather unfocused comedy . mccracken dupes munson into a hustling job , then abandons him to an angry mob who mangle roy's hand . then it's fast forward 17 years later when munson is a fat , balding loser with a prosthetic rubber hand . he's hopeless until he meets ishmael ( randy quaid ) , an amish amateur bowler that munson takes on as protege . so together they set out for the million dollar bowling tournament in reno , picking up pretty hustler claudia ( vanessa angel ) on the way . with the exit of bill murray , the filmmakers seem to have only one direction to go , and that's . . . dumb and dumber . yes , indeed , kingpin is brought to you by those modern proponents of laxative humour , peter and bobby farrelly , the directors of the aforementioned jim carrey vehicle . so , prepare for much slaparound comedy with flying rubber hands , distended nipples , ridiculous hair and bull semen . get set for stock fish-out-of-water situations when city-boy roy puts on a beard and tries to blend in with the amish community , or when suaku straitlaced ishmael takes on smoking , striptease and unchristian neighbour-socking . now , don't get me wrong , there's nothing wrong with cheap humour , and i had my fair share of lavatorial laughs with woody and randy . the trouble is that these jokes aren't bold or funny enough to drive a movie that bumbles along without much sense of direction . it lurches from sports movie to amish-mocking to road-trip to sentimental melodrama , ( pausing for a broadside spoof of indecent proposal , and many shameless plugs for the accompanying pop soundtrack ) , never quite getting it all together . some gags fall flat from a lack of build-up , while there are bits and pieces in the movie that simply don't do anything . why the long , unfunny fight in the car park ? why two of these ? why does that guy wear mascara , or that guy have a glass bowling ball with a rose in it ? the film is full of these half-thought-through ideas that give the impression of any old gaffer , grip or makeup artist throwing in random stuff and saying , " wouldn't that be funny ? " . well , no , actually . the actors don't do the movie much favours either . woody harrelson comes off okay , plausibly acting dumb , smart , cynical or innocent when the implausible script calls for it , but randy quaid is a ceaseless ham , and vanessa angel has no talent ( like schwarzenegger , she seems more convincing playing a computer-creation than a human -- take the tv series weird science . . . please ) . even murray hams it up when he reappears in the movie's climax . all in all , a fairly useless attempt at comedy , and a certified no-hoper at kickstarting the bowling renaissance . we'll have to look to a reinspired john waters , or perhaps somebody from down under ( " strictly bowling " , anyone ? ) for the definitive bowling comedy . the flying inkpot's rating system : * wait for the video . * * a little creaky , but still better than staying at home with gotcha ! * * * pretty good , bring a friend . * * * * amazing , potent stuff . * * * * * perfection . see it twice .

_dirty_work_ has a premise of deliciously mean-spirited potential . mitch weaver ( norm macdonald ) and his lifelong best friend sam mckenna ( artie lange ) are losers in life : they were constantly picked on in school , and now they cannot hold regular jobs . but as the trailer goes , " there is one thing mitch weaver is good at--revenge . " so he and sam parlay their unmatched skill in getting-even schemes into a marketable revenge-for-hire business called dirty work inc . this should be the groundwork for a wonderfully wicked black comedy , but for a film called _dirty_work_ , what ensues is rather clean of spirit . in fact , what makes mitch and sam start up their business is not a giddy desire to give bullies a taste of their own medicine , but rather a more sappy reason : sam's father ( jack warden ) needs a heart transplant , and in order for him to move at the top of the recipient list , his compulsively betting doctor ( chevy chase ) asks the guys for $50 , 000 to pay off his bookie . so for all the scheming that goes on , beneath every underhanded plot is--gasp ! --a heart , which undercuts the inherent nastiness of the premise . not that there isn't a lot of nastiness on display--there is , but of a different sort . there are frequent sexual references , most prominently in the form of prostitutes and sam's impotent father's ongoing lust for them . and for a film rated pg-13 , director bob saget ( yes , that bob saget , of _full_house_ and _america's_funniest_home_videos_ fame ) and writers frank sebastiano , fred wolf , and macdonald himself , stretch the boundaries of good taste rather far--arguably a bit too much so ( was not one , but two separate instances of sodomy between animals really necessary ? ) . but the issue , of course , is not so much of taste as it is humor--as in , is it funny or not ? the answer is a resounding no . it's not that macdonald isn't a funny guy . he was one of the more consistently funny performers on _saturday_night_live_ before his much-talked-about firing , and his dry brand of smartass wit translates well to the big screen ; it also doesn't hurt that he's a natural , likable screen presence . he is able to give some of his lines a nice acid touch , but , for the most part , the oneliners , as written , are flat , and the broad slapstick gags just don't work ( one running gag has him being literally tossed out of buildings--a real riot ) . still , macdonald's few shining moments are just about the only moments the film has . the late chris farley , as hysterical as he ever was , is amusing in a cameo role , but , as a whole , the supporting players are amateurish and seemingly free from any directorial guidance . saget tries to juice up the proceedings with kitschy cameos by gary coleman , adam sandler , and john goodman , but their minimal novelty value cannot prevent _dirty_work_ from sputtering to the end of its brief 81-minute running time . the film closes on a sad note of desperation , an indulgent reel of outtakes from which only those involved in the production would derive any amusement . come to think of it , i cannot imagine anyone but those involved in the production to find much amusement in the entirety of _dirty_work_ .

the rich legacy of cinema has left us with certain indelible images . the tinkling christmas tree bell in " it's a wonderful life . " bogie's speech at the airport in " casablanca . " little elliott's flying bicycle , silhouetted by the moon in " e . t . " and now , " starship troopers " director paul verhoeven adds one more image that will live in our memories forever : doogie houser doing a vulcan mind meld with a giant slug . " starship troopers , " loosely based on the robert heinlein novel , is the story of an interstellar war between humans and giant insects . in the hands of verhoeven , the mammoth sci-fi battle flick is one of the most astonishingly bad films ever made , a monument to inept filmmaking on a colossal scale . to put it simply , it's a bug bomb . in " robocop " and " total recall , " verhoeven displayed a gift for creating an entertaining mix of violence , special effects and social satire , and " starship troopers " starts off in similar fashion , with a tongue-in-cheek futuristic military recruitment ad that shows promise . things go downhill fast , though , as we meet our heroes , a group of buenos aires teens preparing to graduate from high school . inexplicably , johnny rico , carmen ibenez , dizzy flores and xander barcalow are played by square-jawed anglo kids who look like they just stepped out of a mountain dew commercial . it's a veritable " alpha centuri 90210 " as we watch the love-smitten teens squabble in the name of love . michael ironside plays their teacher , who waves around a cheesy fake severed arm while lecturing about civic responsibilities . eventually , the kids join the military , with dreams of glory in their addled little minds . one of their classmates , carl jenkins ( " doogie houser's " neil patrick harris , ) snags a job in military intelligence because of his strong psychic abilities . he displays his gift by psychically ordering a pet ferret to crawl up his mother's leg . a long , dull boot camp sequence follows , enlivened only by an extended coed shower scene where the recruits swap snappy banter as the " showgirls " director's camera roams over their buff bodies . finally , a full hour into the film , the war finally starts and we meet the enemy . the bugs hail from klendathu and colonize planets by hurling their spores into space . they attack starships by spinning around and firing deadly plasma blasts from their rears . yes , incredible as it seems , the bugs actually kill with cosmic farts . a phenomenally large amount of money was spent creating the computer animated insects and the results are mixed at best . sweeping distant shots depicting hordes of giant bugs racing to attack are both impressive and scary , but the close-ups are a different matter . the insects have an odd , artificial look , like origami creations with a mottled plastic coating . the attack scenes are intensely violent , as one would expect from verhoeven , but the overall look is too phony to generate any real tension . while the action is frantic , the military strategy , wildly illogical even by hollywood standards , grows tiresome quickly . verhoeven tries to spice things up by throwing in more satiric news coverage , but the faux-jingoistic scenes of children " doing their part for the war effort " by squishing roaches on a sidewalk aren't enough to make up for the long stretches of sheer dreck . one can only guess what paul verhoeven was trying to do here . his customary one part satire , two parts ultra-violence formula is way out of whack , and most of the film just flounders . in " showgirls " fashion , some scenes are almost bad enough to be good . an intergalactic kegger party , with jake busey playing " dixie " on a green plexiglas fiddle , has a certain bizarre appeal . a sex scene between two of the teens achieves a smarmy charm , enhanced a few minutes later when the female receives a fatal jab from a bug , but tells her hero that she doesn't mind dying . " it's okay , " she gasps , " i got to have you ! " and then , of course , there's doogie's mind meld with a bug . it's possible that verhoeven was attempting to create an homage to the era of the original novel . heinlein's pre- " stranger in a strange land " books were aimed at adolescent males , and " starship troopers " has the antiseptic retro-future look of late 50s/early 60s sci-fi . the one cityscape shown is a jetsons-like gleaming metropolis , with flying cars whizzing past an obvious matte painting . the hairstyles are retro too , straight from the frankie avalon , annette funicello school of fashion . ultimately , verhoeven's motives are irrelevant . he has produce a gargantuan film that fails as an action film or as a social satire . it even fails to be an entertaining bad movie . avoid " starship troopers " at all costs .

once again , the battle is dreamworks versus disney : earlier this year , the mammoth companies fought to the death with their end-of-the-world asteroid flicks , deep impact and armageddon . here we are now , just a few months later , and they're at it again with dueling bug movies , antz and a bug's life . what i find so astonishing is that both pairs of movies are so inherently similar in both story and execution . i mean , come on -- what were the chances of two studios both deciding to bring out computer-animated films about bugs ? as was the case with the meteor movies , disney has come out on top : though antz is a likable movie , a bug's life is far superior . in fact , this movie made me realize what was wrong with antz : i became immersed in the world of a bug's life , while antz just made me scrutinize everything . but it's not really fair to base an entire review on a comparison . a bug's life is a remarkable film in its own right , and deserves to be seen apart from any other computer-animated film about bugs . in fact , it's one of the best films this year : it's smart , subtle , and funny , but it's also perfect family entertainment and relentlessly entertaining . i haven't had such a good time at the movies in months . it tells the story of an ant named flick ( voice by dave foley ) ; he's a nice guy , but he's also a troublemaker . the ants spend all season putting together the offering , a big pile of food that they provide for the grasshoppers . just before the grasshoppers come , flick accidentally knocks over the offering , and ruins everything for the entire colony : the grasshopper's leader , hopper ( kevin spacey ) , is enraged , and tells them that the ants need twice the food by the end of summer , or they're all dead . flick , feeling responsible for this , sets off to look for help -- he realizes that the only way to be rid of the grasshoppers is to fight them . he heads to the city ( the city being a house a few miles away ) , where he finds a colorful bunch of circus bugs : a ladybug ( denis leary , who is spectacular ) , a black widow ( bonnie hunt ) , a caterpillar ( joe ranft ) , a butterfly ( madeline kahn ) , a rhinoceros beetle ( michael mcshane ) , and a stick ( david hyde-pierce , also giving a hilarious performance ) . flick doesn't know they're actors , and they don't know that flick needs them to kill a bunch of grasshoppers , so they return to the colony with flick and find themselves in an unusual position . the most obvious element of a bug's life is the quality of animation . created by pixar , the same people who brought us toy story , a bug's life has some of the most amazing visuals i've ever seen . the bugs seem to inhabit a three-dimensional space , and occasionally there will be a shot that is indistinguishable from live action . this is a lush , colorful world , full of life and imagination : the way the animators insert the things all of us see in our daily lives ( matches , bottlecaps , tin cans , etc . ) and make them active objects in the bugs' world is innovative . the film is also mercilessly exciting , particularly in a superbly-staged scene involving our heroes' escape from a bird ( a little bird never seemed so huge and threatening ) . but the makers of a bug's life know where the importance lies : story and characters . flick , with solid voice work from foley , is a great guy to lead the story . but the real treat comes with the circus bugs ; they're such a likable group of characters -- the standouts are the stick ( hyde-pierce is so good ) , francis the ladybug , and the big fat caterpillar . all of these bugs have more than a token personality , which makes the suspenseful scenes work because we care about the bugs , and it also keeps the tear-jerking scenes from seeming obligatory . in my review of antz , i said that the film is a clever cop-out because it presents a bunch of little humans reacting to an ant-like existence . in concept , a bug's life is basically the same movie , except that i was never given enough time to find things that i didn't like about it . with such strong work in both animation and script , a bug's life is nothing but a joy to sit through . it really is too bad that it had to come out so close to that other bug movie , but a bug's life is so good that i'm sure it will find its audience . after a slew of endlessly violent and cynical movies , it's downright refreshing to sit through an innocent picture like this and laugh without feeling guilty .

disconnect the phone line . don't accept the charges . do anything you can to avoid the wretched , melodramatic sisterhood dramedy `hanging up' . i figured i needed to get in touch with my feminine side , and `hanging up' seemed like an ideal opportunity to do so . the film features an incredible palate of female talent , and the capability behind the camera brought to mind such sparkling gems as `sleepless in seattle' and `unsung heroes' . meg ryan , diane keaton and lisa kudrow play a trio of sisters who , once separated by career judgments over family ties , must reunite when their father ( walter matthau ) is admitted into the hospital with alzheimer's disease . while this may read like an optimum opportunity to rekindle their relationship and reflect with poignancy on the past , the script by sisters delia and nora ephron is exasperating , shapeless dreck teeming with emotional fakery . `hanging up' has the overall effect of a tele-marketer pestering you for two hours , while you don't have the option of doing as the title suggests . for the first half-hour , the ephron sisters use telephone conversations for a basis of character development . this is an annoying and ineffective device . cell-phones ring every five minutes , and everyone hurriedly rushes along , leaving marginal time for the frustrated viewer to relate to the sisters' issues and problems . if `hanging up' was an apple pie , then i felt as if we were getting the mere crust of the story . granted , there are a few genuine and sincere moments in the film . but they only help to establish that the remainder of the strained emotions are nothing but inferior dramatic muck . the most outrageous strategy in `hanging up' is that , after a series of largely unrealized attempts at character development , we are expected to exhibit compassion and courtesy toward the sisters as they join for a melodramatic finale . we are able to identify with eve ( ryan ) , the most open and caring daughter , because she is the one who stayed by her father's side as everyone else moved forward to pursue a impending career . georgia ( keaton ) , the eldest daughter , is celebrating the fifth year anniversary of her magazine called . . . . `georgia' . maddy ( kudrow ) , the soap opera actress , spends time either contemplating her possible path to stardom or nursing her dog . ryan's convincing performance and diverting cuteness are two of the more agreeable aspects of `hanging up' . kudrow , so delightfully eccentric as the off-kilter airhead phoebe in `friends' , is totally wasted . ditto for keaton , who is serving a double shift as co-star and director - a time slot that can be a difficult priority juggle . her frenzy is apparent . for a chick flick , there is a distressing lack of chuckles . the reliable matthau is reduced to chaotic shtick that , given his character's situation , seems more depressing than amusing . even so , the peak form of humor in `hanging up' is represented by some of matthau's nasty quips and ryan's eternal battle to have the aforementioned pooch swallow a pill . that about accounts for the three or four chuckles you will expel during the film . my curiosity has suddenly been tweaked to discover how such a promising and star-studded approach could turn so viciously sour . but really , it's no mystery . the predictable , melodramatic filth that is `hanging up' is certainly not the fault of these actresses . pin it on the screenplay , which attempts to clear up vital issues in three or four minutes , while spending the rest of the running time in an annoying flurry of phone conversations . it's certainly a far cry from what one would label as a rewarding experience , but `hanging up' should have at least been enjoyable . uh-uh . it's a wrong number from the beginning .

i think the first thing this reviewer should mention is wether or not i am a fan of the x-files . first , let me assure you that no prior experience with the series is required to fully enjoy this movie . the producers are not stupid , making a movie just for fans of the series is not profitable . you have to reach for a larger audience . therefore , the movie is quite user-friendly . altough , non-fans will only fail to understand certain emotions behind the looks many characters exchange . but fear not , duchovny and another man later on provide more than adequate background info on what is going on . you will never feel as if you just walked in on the third act of some great opera . in any case , the answer is no . i am not a fan of the x-files , i only watch it when nothing else is on and i prefer millennium . however , since the fox network as been so kind as to air several key episodes for several weeks before the movie's opening weekend i took that opportunity to test the movie . i taped all of these episodes and watched them only after seing the movie , i am glad to report that i learned nothing new . everything you need to know is explained to the viewer by duchovny and others . i know i am going maybe a bit too far to make my point but everybody should get the chance to experience this movie . warning : major spoilers follow ! please do not read , to fully enjoy this movie you must not be able know what is coming , what exactly is over that hill and what that weird " hummm " sound is all about . you have been warned . the x-files is what a summer should be . exciting , scary , great special effects ( unlike other summer movies the effects do not take over the movie and are only there when it is really necessary ) and good performances . this is coming from a guy who thinks david duchovny is the human equivalent of a wooden plank . from start to finish , this movie does not let go of you . when i compare it with last summer's movies the best way to describe it would be : take the excitement and great score from face/off and the deadly use of sound from event horizon . this flick is scary , not in a b movie kind of way where you always know where and when the critter will jump at our heroes . in fact , the first time the critter in this movie makes an apperance it is totally out of the blue . you might as well bring ear plugs because this thing is louuuudd ! the last time a monster scared me that much was when i first saw aliens as a six year old kid . you know , when you are affraid to put you feet on the floor because the creature might be under the chair , or when you keep trying to cover your throat with your shirt ? so yeah , the x-files is scary . and guess what ? you never even have to see the monster but your imagination works overtime and it sure beats having to watch a flawed , computer generated , babyzilla , it looks like you could walk right through it not even scarier than your grandma in undies type of monster . do not think that the x-files is a monster movie . in fact , the creature is there for maybe three minutes total . no , the x-files is definately a mulder episode of the series . scully is at his side , of course , but gillian anderson gets maybe half the screen time . she has a couple of good scenes with duchovny , but she gets kidnapped during the last half hour of the movie so she does not get to do much . no , this is mulder's time in the spotlight . by now , you have heard of the scene where mulder " showers " independence day . if you have not then i will not spoil it for you , let's just say that due to recent events mulder should be " showering " godzilla instead . to those of you wondering if mulder discovers that the truth is indeed out there . . . who cares ! ? if he did find it the series would over anyway so what are you complaining about ? the dialogue in interesting and the director is marvelous . the camera is almost always looking over the shoulder of our heroes so we feel as if we are right there with them when they open a door or climb a hill . the script is spotless , every thing that happens happens for a purpose . if you are confused by something , do not worry because it will all become clear later on but , and i cannot stress this enough , pay attention ! ! ! unlike most summer movies , the dialogue is twice as important as the effects . miss one vital piece of information and , like most people who talk during movies , you will go home and tell all your friends how this movie made no sense . also , to those people who need to go to the bathroom during movies . . . don't ! the person who watched the movie with me had to go twice and twice she missed an important conversation . there is no time to take a breather between scenes because , again unlike most summer movies ( godzilla anybody ? ) the x-files does not need to fill scenes between the suspense and the action with useless subplots , every scene is crucial and serves a purpose . who needs to see the blond chiouaoua have a " big emotional scene " between godzilla attacks ? so far this summer i have seen only one movie who ranks higher on my list of movies i'd recommend and that is the truman show but it only wins by a nose . but the truman show is not what i would call a summer movie , the x-files is . what more do you ask from a summer movie other than the chance to be excited ? cool effects ? it's good some . pulse pounding ? hell yes ! strangely enough , i think that fans of the series will hate this movie while non-fans will have a good time . it does not provide answers to the show's many questions , the status quo remains nearly the same and , no , mulder and scully do not get together . rating : four and a half out of five stars for the best movie yet this summer , several jump right out of your seat thrills , many " whoah , i never saw that one coming ! " moments , four " holy shit , where the hell did that come from " and one heck of an ending . you may wonder where this movie lost half a star . well , i swore never to give a movie the full five stars so i had to find something about the in his ice truck , the tracks it leaves in the snow behind him go on for several miles but then they just stop . it's pretty obvious the film's makers drove the truck for several miles to give the appearance that mulder had been driving for a long time , but in the end it looks like mulder just dropped from the sky and started driving .

whether or not i would be considered a trekker probably depends on whom you would ask . i have been a fan of both the original series and its recently retired follow-up , as well as the even- numbered entries in the film series . however , i have never been one of those folks who store away trek minutiae and get into debates over the relative merits of spock vs . data . somewhere along the line , the " star trek " film series began to seem more and more directed at those in the latter category , and star trek : generations may be the natural conclusion of this direction . its production values may be high , but the writing is frequently appalling , and instead of a script has a collection of references , in-jokes and ill-defined characters . generations opens in the late 23rd century , where members of the original enterprise crew , including captain james t . kirk ( william shatner ) , are present for the christening of the latest ship to bear that name . no sooner is it out on its maiden voyage than a distress signal brings them to the nexus , a mysterious ribbon of energy . among those rescued from the nexus is long-lived alien dr . soran ( malcolm mcdowell ) , but he is none-too-pleased at being back in the real world . seventy-eight years later , soran is still trying to get back to the nexus , and again encounters an enterprise , this one led by captain jean-luc picard ( patrick stewart ) . soran's plan involves destroying a star with an inhabited planet , and the only hope for saving 230 million people is the historic meeting of two enterprise captains . i don't think it is an insult to fans of " star trek " to suggest that to a certain extent , the particulars of a plot are not really the most important elements in a " trek " film . it's about a chance to visit with old friends , and if they are involved in a truly interesting story it can be considered gravy . but even that interpretation assumes that characterization has to be consistent , and in generations that just doesn't happen . data ( brent spiner ) is particularly victimized by this sloppy writing . in the film's major sub-plot , data decides to use a chip which will give him human emotions , a chip he has had in his possession for over a year . what is his motivation for taking this drastic and perhaps dangerous step ? he doesn't get a joke . once the chip is in place , spiner gets to have a lot of fun with data's new emotions , but the point is that he's no longer the data we know . if the rest of the " next generation " cast fares any better , it's only because they're on the screen so little that they're simply window dressing . but then again , this story isn't really about the new crew . it's about kirk and picard , the cowboy and the politician , sharing the screen . the huge surprise is that william shatner blows patrick stewart away . perhaps because he knows this is his last go-round in the part that made him a legend , shatner looks like he's having the time of his life ; stewart , on the other hand , borders on the deferrential , and is saddled with the same lackluster motivations as everyone else in the cast . stewart's edginess is indicative of what may be a very bad sign for paramount's hopes to turn the new cast into the same kind of franchise the original cast was : these are clearly the not ready for big screen players . by contrast , the prologue which features scotty ( james doohan ) and chekhov ( walter koenig ) is the highlight of the film . these characters have become part of the popular mythology , and when they take over the enterprise in a moment of distress , it's a moment of high energy . only thirty years of history can create a moment like that , and that's time this new crew doesn't have . it certainly doesn't help that the plot they are stuck in is so convoluted and badly constructed that you need to leave a trail of bread crumbs to find your way out again . it's also loaded with little gags all aimed at those who are familiar enough with the series to turn to all their friends in a shared nudge of recognition . i wonder whether anyone who is coming in cold to the " trek " universe at this point would be anything but baffled and bored by what is going on . and what a waste of malcolm mcdowell , who could have been a great monomanical villain but should have been given a much more compelling reason for his obsession . there are plenty of details both scientific and of continuity to pick at , but to do so would be to ignore generations' major flaws . however , i would like to make one recommendation : seatbelts . not just for the enterprise crew , although you'd think by the 24th century space travel wouldn't involve rolling around on the floor during a battle . no , i think the audience might need them more . this journey is one bumpy ride .

warning : this review contains some spoilers for the 1964 film " fail-safe . " if you haven't seen the film yet , proceed with caution . nutshell : a relevant , intelligent , suspenseful drama . still powerful today , even after the end of the cold war . -------------------- " fail-safe " ( usa , 1964 ) drama , 111 minutes screenplay by walter bernstein based on the novel by eugene burdick and harvey wheeler produced by max e . youngstein directed by sidney lumet review by jamahl epsicokhan -------------------- the most ironic aspect of nuclear war is that it doesn't have a winning side and a losing side . in a nuclear confrontation , everybody loses , and the aftereffects have devastating effects that impact the entire world--assuming the world survives . the idea--and perhaps the only real option--is to avoid war at all costs . this is the theme of sidney lumet's " fail-safe , " a fictional drama based on the novel by eugene burdick and harvey wheeler . " fail-safe " takes place during the heart of the cold war ( the actual film was released two years after the cuban missile crisis ) , when the united states and the soviet union were in static discord over an issue that can be summarized in a single word : communism . the premise centers around a combination of accidents and operation flaws . five u . s . bombers carrying nuclear warheads are ordered to set a routine course for moscow after an unidentified aircraft is spotted heading toward america . the unidentified aircraft turns out to be a commercial airliner , but a mechanical failure strikes the military base that commands the bombers . suddenly out of contact , and with standing orders to remain on course until receiving new directives , the bomber pilots cannot be recalled , and they proceed to moscow with the intention of destroying it with a nuclear strike . a great deal of " fail-safe " 's plot follows various characters as they attempt to devise ways of stopping the u . s . bombers from reaching russia's borders--at any cost . the plot is compelling , and the story creates urgency and dread by painting the grimmest of worst case scenarios . the reality sets in quickly as one attempt to turn the bombers after another fails . general bogan ( frank overton ) , taking orders directly from the president of the united states himself ( henry fonda ) , is powerless--the fate of the world lies in the hands of an automated , pre-programmed system that may not be stoppable , simply because the creators of the war machines were too efficient in their task to make a no-win situation winnable . the events in " fail-safe " are fascinating because they're anything but predictable , but the real reason " fail-safe " works is because it understands more about nuclear war than what exists within the confines of its plot . a key ingredient to the film is its ability to create an ongoing polemic about nuclear war , communism , the cold war , and the united states' role in all of it . most of this is through the film's use of the character groeteschele ( walter matthau ) , an arrogant civilian theorist of nuclear weapons use who , incidentally , is on the president's advising staff for analyzing the statistical plausibility of waging a nuclear war . many of the film's most pointed messages arise from discussions where groeteschele is one of the key voices . early in the film , he hosts a dinner party where he explains the importance of " strategy " in a nuclear assault to " minimize " casualties . " what's the difference between 60 million and 100 million dead ? " a guest asks impatiently . " forty million , " groeteschele responds wryly . the problem with groeteschele's mindset is that he * believes * nuclear combat to be a viable method of war . the only difference to him between nuclear armageddon and conventional warfare is the raw data and the casualty totals . groeteschele realizes that these weapons can destroy the world several times over . yet his answer to the arms race is not to slow down and try to cool the situation off , as general black ( dan o'herlihy ) has often recommended . on the contrary--according to groeteschele , that would lead to russia having * more * nuclear weapons than the u . s . , which would clearly put america at a disadvantage . such a stance was perhaps the central paradox and misguided practice of the arms race . " fail-safe " clearly sees it as one of the central issues of the cold war , and , likewise , it becomes a central theme in the film . why continue to build such machines of mass destruction while already possessing enough of them to destroy the world several times over ? is it wise ? is it even logical ? no , not really . although " fail-safe " is more about the issue of nuclear weapons than it is about the political ramifications of communism , there is a scene in the film that deals with communism in an intentionally superficial , one-sided sort of way . again , this is achieved through groeteschele , who is easily the film's most important character in terms of the larger-theme significance . in addition to providing the central " pro-nuclear war " voice that the film warns against , he also makes key remarks about communists that show just how much fear and resentment people of the period were prone to when it came to communism . the context the film uses suggests that this hatred was often glib . one of groeteschele's " logical " trains of thought ventures so far into fantasy theoretical prediction that it's merely absurd . he labels the average marxist an " unfeeling , calculating machine " that will do whatever it takes to preserve itself . groeteschele takes it so far as to say that if the u . s . drops the warhead on moscow , the soviets will * instantly * surrender , for to retaliate would invite counter-measures that would further destroy russia's home soil--which must be preserved at all costs . groeteschele seems to forget these people are human beings with emotions ; general black quickly reminds him that the soviets would attack out of revenge--as any normal person would . the irony here is groeteschele's own mechanical theorizing . he is so quick to judge the enemy that he doesn't even realize his own seemingly programmed thought patterns . once the film makes it evident that turning the u . s . bombers will be impossible , the question becomes what the * consequences * of destroying moscow will be . just how will the soviet union's leader react , and what can the president do to convey his best intentions ? ( just * how * does one pass off the deaths of millions of people as an * mishap * ? ) with the help of his translator buck ( larry hagman ) , the president negotiates at length with the soviet leader , in scenes that prove amazingly taut and powerful in their simplicity , with lumet's long takes of fonda and hagman in the same frame , exchanging the dialog between the president and the soviet leader . without getting into too much detail , i will say that the compromise they ultimately reach is very costly , yet necessary and as sensible as possible under the circumstances . ( that is , as sensible as a nuclear " incident " can probably be . ) it does accomplish what it must : it avoids an all-out war , something that simply isn't possible because of its all-too-real consequences . dramatically , the ending is quite powerful , and the use of o'herlihy's character as the symbolic " matador " ( providing a bookend to the film by ending the story while tying into his dream sequence from the film's opening ) , is particularly appropriate . " fail-safe " is a production of a major hollywood studio ( released by columbia pictures ) , and it has the structure of a high-tension suspense thriller that one might expect from a hollywood film . nevertheless , under lumet's direction and walter bernstein's intelligent adaptation of burdick's and wheeler's novel , the film continues to have a lasting effect even after the events on screen have unfolded . the film often warns that the automation of war is something that may make nuclear holocaust an unintentional consequence of such mass arming . but it was the conscious , human choice to * initialize * this automatic arming that " fail-safe " also finds dangerous . in retrospect , the arms race seems to be one of the most puzzling exercises in futility of the century . it's just fortunate that both sides were finally able to come to their senses and slow down , rather than continuing groeteschele's dangerous approach of speeding up and causing a possible meltdown .

hollywood never fails to astound me . every time i think those coked-up little buggers have hit rock bottom ; they come up with a new excavating tool . i was truly convinced that " wild wild west " marked 1999 studio filmmaking at its most hapless , but then along comes " end of days " to prove me wrong . this big budget , brain dead apocalyptic thriller bludgeons its audience with overwrought music , grisly violence , explosions galore and lots of cheesy special effects . the result ? nothing but groans and yawns . even the devil himself is unable to produce a decent scare in this festival of the inept . at the very least , " end of days " should have done us the courtesy of being bad-enough-to-be-good , but it can't even manage that . it's just lousy . arnold schwarzenegger , still recovering from heart problems and " batman & robin , " plays an ex-cop turned security agent or bodyguard or something . along with his obligatory comic relief partner ( kevin pollak , impersonating matthew perry's chandler character from " friends " ) , he gets involved in some major league supernatural hoodoo . it seems that satan ( gabriel byrne ) gets a shot at world domination only once every thousand years ( and here i thought he'd pulled it off with the republican landslide of '94 ) . if he has sex with 20-year old christine york ( robin tunney ) , " the chosen one , " their child will be the antichrist , or at least a brat . ah , but this deal has more catches than a new year's eve pass from a halfway house . the unholy union must take place on december 31 , 1999 ( you see , 999 is just 666 turned upside down ) , but only between 11 p . m . and midnight ( no wonder this guy is so cranky ) . and if the chosen one is given refuge in a church , the devil won't know where she is , because he can't see into the sanctuary . you know , it's kind of like superman's x-ray vision and lead walls , only evil . a group of guerrilla catholic priests decide the best way to stop the situation is by killing the girl . arnold chooses to save the girl and kick the hell out of satan , if you'll pardon the expression . and kevin meets up with an exploding van and has to make some decisions of his own . oh , the anguish ! oh , the humanity ! oh , the writing ! andrew w . marlowe's screenplay ladles implausibility upon implausibility , from the preposterous otherworldly histrionics to his handling of jericho cane , schwarzenegger's character . cane starts the film a la mel gibson in the first " lethal weapon , " preparing to put a gun in his mouth due to ongoing despondence over the murder of his wife and daughter . twenty minutes later , he's racing through the bowels of new york city , deciphering clues that sherlock holmes and kreskin would find baffling . when cane meets up with christine york , he instantly switches to terminator father figure mode , with the young woman serving as surrogate daughter . in case anyone misses the connection , the camera comes in for a close up of christine's music box , which just happens to be identical to one owned by cane's daughter . subtle , marlowe , subtle . speaking of cameras , director peter hyams is just the man to take marlowe's script and make it even more self-important , murky and annoying . hyams' direction shows all the subtlety of a gwar video , with cane running a gauntlet of ridiculous action set pieces , punctuated with loads of big explosions . eager to satisfy arnold's core audience , he even throws in a few pairs of breasts as well . what a guy . had the film delivered some decent scares , or even maintained a consistently ominous tone , the bombastic clich ? s might have been tolerable , but " end of days " is simply a flaccid special effects show . the cast is just as ineffective . in his early scenes , gabriel byrne attempts to invest beelzebub with some panache , but he all too soon turns into just another standard issue monster . kevin pollak comes and goes quickly , robin tunney comes off like a bargain basement winona ryder and as for arnold , well ? he's a better actor than casper van dien . that should count for something . way back in the aftermath " the exorcist " and " the omen , " supernatural swill like " end of days " might have passed muster as a b-movie . but that was then and this is now . " the x-files " and " buffy the vampire slayer " deliver real scares on a weekly basis and , if we want to see the devil , all we have to do is flip on " the 700 club " and take a gander at pat robertson's grinning maw . after enduring " end of days , " all i can say is " get thee behind me , satan . and while you're at it , get thee a better agent as well . "

plot : token director alan smithee steals the only copy of his film " trio " from the studio , after they complete the " final cut " without him . he threatens to burn the film reel if they do not allow him to keep his vision . critique : wow . i really can't remember the last time a movie sucked on so many levels ! the " comedy " in this film is pathetic , obvious and dated ( oj simpson jokes galore ) . the plot is uninteresting , boring and bad . the structure of the film is annoying , repetitive and pretentious . the acting is pretty bad , especially jackie chan , who can't act to save his life . the cameos are lame and seem forced , and the ending blows chunks . all in all , this movie believes itself to be a clever , humorous and edgy look behind the closed doors of hollywood , but comes across as a boring , stupid and completely unentertaining piece of shite . i love to see movies about hollywood shenanigans , but this one bites the big one . see it if you like to watch really bad movies , otherwise skip it , because it will just have you hating every star that makes an appearance in it . luckily for us all , this mess only lasts about 80 minutes , and miramax honcho harvey weinstein plays a lead-faced detective . by the way , is there any reason why the studio or the producer couldn't have cut another version of the film by the way of all the filmed stock that was left over ? who knows , who cares , this " satire " sucks the bag . little known facts about this film and its stars : ironically , the original director of this film , arthur hiller , also requested his name be taken off the credits and replaced by the dga's alan smithee moniker . this was after the film's production company , cinergi pictures , preferred the cut made by producer/writer joe eszterhas to his . the original script of this film included arnold schwarzenegger and bruce willis . eszterhas announced through the media during post-production that cinergi pictures didn't have the money to pay for soundtrack . he said that he would finance the soundtrack from his own money and asked to submit tracks for it to him . he received 9 , 200 cds and cassettes from mostly unknown and unsigned artists , listened to all that was sent ( at least a couple of tracks from each record ) and compiled the soundtrack . this film practically swept the " razzie awards " in 1999 , given out to the worst of all movie categories of the year , with no less than the " worst picture " award , the " worst screenplay " ( joe eszterhas ) , the " worst supporting actor " ( joe eszterhas ) , the " worst new star " ( joe eszterhas tied with jerry springer ) and the " worst original song " ( " i wanna be mike ovitz ! " as written by joe eszterhas ) .

1992's alien3 marked not only the death ( by suicide ) of its popular protagonist , ellen ripley ( sigourney weaver ) , but , in many ways , the alien franchise itself--box office receipts were anemic , thanks to poor audience word of mouth ; and the critics who rallied around the first two installments , 1979's alien and 1986's aliens , savaged david fincher's slog of a sendoff ( myself included ) . hence , weaver , director jean-pierre jeunet , and the others behind alien resurrection faced a two-fold challenge--not only somehow resurrect ripley , but also rescue this once-profitable series from the scrap heap . despite the odds , they have succeeded , even if the entertaining new installment does not measure up to the excellent first two . writer joss whedon devises a quick , easy , and painless answer to the dead ripley problem--clone her , which is what shady military scientists do using some blood left behind on fiorina 161 , the prison planet of the third film . that done , the _real_ challenge presents itself--what do with her . alien introduced ripley as smart and resourceful ; aliens simultaneously toughened her up and made her more vulnerable , exploring her maternal side ; alien3 saw her undergoing the seven stages of death . what could be next ? whedon comes up with a clever spin : since the original ripley died while impregnated with an alien queen , the blood used for the clone is also " infected " with alien dna . so the new ripley is , indeed , new--a human/alien hybrid blessed with heightened instincts and strength , a psychic bond with the deadly species , and a more predatory attitude . unfortunately , that is where alien resurrection's clever streak in writing stops . the alien series is known for having stronger stories than most creature features . but the story in resurrection is more of an afterthought . the movie begins with a plot involving some military types attempting to train aliens to do their bidding , but once the creatures break free , it is once again ripley and a ragtag crew ( this time a bunch of interstellar smugglers , including tough waif call , played by a game winona ryder ) trying to exterminate them . and the alien ripley scenario is ultimately not exploited to its full potential ; i would have liked deeper exploration into the quandary of becoming one of the species she has spent her entire life trying to destroy . while the settling into tried-and-true formula is a little disconcerting , the formula is tried-and-true for a reason , and jeunet tackles the proceedings with giddy abandon . the alien , after all these years , is still terrifying , and a new breed that is introduced is no less so . the violence is appropriately grisly and extreme , and the action set pieces are suspenseful and exciting , most notably an extended underwater sequence . the film is absolutely mesmerizing visually , thanks to the solid work done by production designer nigel phelps and cinematographer darius khondji . as technically adept as jeunet's direction is , perhaps his ( and , for that matter , whedon's ) greatest contribution is the infusion of humor into this notably downbeat and serious series . a sense of humor may seem to go against everything this horror show stands for , but the self-awareness of the excess just adds to the fun . no , alien resurrection is not the great film that ridley scott's alien or the even greater film that james cameron's aliens was . but after the dauntingly slow gloom and doom of fincher's alien3 , jeunet's resurrection is a welcome return to its roots as a wild , reckless thrill ride . that is what made the alien series so popular in the first place , and that is what will keep the series popular in any future installments .

under any other circumstances , i would not be discussing the ending of a film to the extent that i will in this particular review . however , in order to fully explain exactly how and why this movie is so awful , a minute dissection of the ending is necessary . even though i will not reveal the details of the last scenes , do proceed at your own risk . the movie opens ( quite poorly , i might add ) as child psychologist malcolm crowe ( bruce willis , looking like he was dragged out of his trailer at the wee hours of the morning to shoot each scene ) and his wife are intruded upon by one of malcolm's past patients . distraught , the suicidal man ( a cameo by new kid on the block donnie wahlberg ) shoots malcolm and then turns the gun on himself . cut to the " next fall " , as we find the good doctor quietly observing his latest case , a trouble young man named cole ( haley joel osment , one of the only child actors in a while i didn't want to bludgeoned over the head with a blunt instrument ) . after about 45 minutes of seemingly unrelated freak occurrences , we learn that cole has " the sixth sense " , the gift of being able to communicate with the dead . and this , as they say , is where the healing begins . the sixth sense and its unexpected popularity is founded upon a twist ending that i knew going into the film ( one of roger ebert's colleges was kind enough to give it away on a recent segment of " siskel and ebert " ) . although i was at first enraged that an established film critic could so callously ruin a film for thousands of patrons , i soon realized that this turn of events could in fact have been a blessing in disguise ; i've always been a sucker for surprise endings ( my favorite movie is the usual suspects ) and rarely dislike a film that sports one . here , since i knew the major plot twist that was coming at the film's conclusion , the possibly of being bamboozled into loving a bad movie solely because of its ending ( something i've fallen victim to in the past ) was eliminated . and indeed , my viewing of the sixth sense did prove to be quite an enlightening experiment . stripped of the element of surprise , the film was put to the task of showing what it really had , instead of simply hiding behind a shocking conclusion . after seeing its true colors , i came to the conclusion that the sixth sense is , despite what the many champions of the movie may say , void of any real power . it's a neat concept , but not one that justifies being made into a feature-length movie . in fact , the sixth sense relies so strongly on its finale that the rest of the film develops as a sort of prelude to the supposedly earth-shattering revelation that is yet to come . and when the final moments do come , it's a huge letdown ; the end makes no sense at all . it stupefied me with the heights of its ineptitude and is completely idiotic on a fundamental and very rare level . i won't go into any details , but suffice to say that , as far as i can tell , it negates to rest of the movie to such an extent that anyone who buys it even for a second must be suffering from a very acute case of attention deficit disorder . now , in all fairness , i cannot say for sure that i would have guessed the ending ( however stupid it may be ) had it not been revealed to me before hand . however , i feel very confident that i , as well as anyone who had seen a few " twilight zone " episodes , would have seen it coming a mile away . the fact that movie-goers nation wide are surprised by the ending still has me stumped . ironically , to fully appreciate the best scene ( that of cole and malcolm attending a little girl's funeral ) , the viewer is required to be aware of a very rare psychological disorder called munchausen syndrome by proxy . i wouldn't have even known about this mental disease if i hadn't , by pure dumb luck , caught " dateline nbc " the other week when they did a feature story on it . despite being blessed with some really amazing cinematography and a brauva performance from osment ( where was this kid when casting calls were going out for the phantom menace ? ) , in the end , the sixth sense is too chalk-full of contradictions and just isn't plausible enough to warrant even a slight recommendation .

when the haunting arrived in theaters , all i kept hearing about was the overdone special effects and the fact that very often the unseen bumps in the night in a horror film are far scarier than those that you can put a face to courtesy of special effects . while i agree that this remake of the haunting goes a bit overboard in the visual effects department , i don't think that they are completely to blame for this movie's failure . it appears that some people have failed to take into account that the original haunting had the " unseen " terrors , and it was about as scary as a dust bunny . so special effects or not , if the story isn't the least bit scary , you aren't going to end up with a very frightening movie . the thing that interested me most about this movie was the caretaker of this building played by bruce dern . dern is always great , and even though he may have had only about 3 minutes of screen time he was still the most interesting element of the movie . as i sat through the seemingly endless , albeit fairly impressive , special effects , i kept wishing that this movie was about dern's caretaker and not the one dimensional characters that populated the cast . never a good sign when a bit player is the best part of the movie . liam neeson plays a scientist who is conducting experiments on fear . he decides the best way to get results is to trick a group of fairly unstable individuals to spend a few days in a haunted mansion . he tricks them into participating by letting on that he is conducting an experiment on insomnia . and he also fails to mention that the mansion has a reputation for strange goings-on . catherine zeta-jones , lili taylor and owen wilson play his subjects . like the original , taylor's character is the star of the movie . but since she doesn't quite have the marquee power of liam neeson and ms . zeta-jones , their parts did seem to be a big larger than in the original . and let's face it , probably half the people who see this movie will do so because of zeta-jones . i'll admit that i would have never seen this thing if she weren't in it . but the real stars here is the special effects combined with the fairly overdone sets . they take over the movie as the supernatural elements of the house start to interact with our hapless insomnia patients . there really isn't much of a story here . just endless setups so director jan de bont can showcase all the nifty special effects that he got to play with . and the special effects are great . in many cases they are as good as you are likely to see anywhere . in other cases they are overdone and obviously thrown in just for the sake of hitting the " cool shots " quota . at no point in the movie do any of these things ever come close to being scary -- funny , maybe . but not scary . then we have the set . when i first saw the house , i was very impressed with the very cool gothic look about it . but it only took a short tour by the characters around the place to see that the set designers obviously had as much money to burn as the visual effects people did , and decided to take the idiotically overdone route . this included a flooded hallway with books as stepping stones and a mirrored circular room that revolves . what part did these rooms play in the story ? absolutely none . they were just there to take our minds off the fact that there was neither a descent story nor a single scare in the entire movie . then we have the actors . lili taylor has never been one of my favorites . and when the fact that her character is mousy and pathetic is factored in , she comes in around the average or slightly below mark . i have no idea why liam neeson took this role . he basically reminded me of the ringmaster at an out of control circus . his character was in charge of this farce but it quickly got away from him . i have no doubt that liam will want to lock all prints of this movie in a very secure vault along with all copies of darkman . zeta-jones was cast because she is too hot for words . the fact that her character is bi-sexual is just icing on the cake . all catherine has to do in this movie is look good . fortunately that is something she does very well . while she does have a fairly good size part , it is obvious that her only purpose in the movie was as eye-candy . it's too bad someone of her talents wasted them here . any random supermodel pulled out of a fashion show could have easily filled her role . the haunting is the antithesis of another of 1999's horror movies , the blair witch project . the haunting had a seemingly limitless effects budget , while blair witch relies on piles of rocks for its scares . both prove quite nicely that special effects are irrelevant to a horror film . if the story sucks , it's all downhill from there . my advice ? if you are looking for special effects , go rent star wars . if it's scares you want , rent halloween . either way , it's probably in your best interests to skip the haunting .

i am starting to write this review before going to see strawberry and chocolate , cuba's oscar nominee for best foreign film , directed by tomas gutierrez alea ( who also directed the sometimes and in some circles critically acclaimed memorias del subdesarrollo-- " memories of underdevelopment " . i saw memorias as part of a cuban cinema class back in the late '70s ; it merged the politics of the cuban revolution with mundane elements of the human condition . i knew then that memorias was probably a state-sanctioned political missive , and now expect strawberry will follow suit . fellow internetters , primarily in the newsgroup dedicated to cuba ( soc . culture . cuba ) , have mentioned that strawberry is a harsh criticism of the revolution and its current state of affairs . i have jumped to the conclusion that strawberry is nothing more than a veiled attempt at espousing the party line--it probably looks like political criticism , but it ain't so . having some first hand and extensive anecdotal knowledge of castro's repressiveness , i can't conceive of his tolerating honest and adversarial criticism of the revolution , and i can't imagine his letting anyone even suggest his failure as a leader of a failed movement . as kids say these days , duh ! , the revolution's current state needs no criticism ; its physical and spiritual crumbling is self evident . the proper questions to put relate to castro's legitimacy . i bet the film takes castro's power for granted , and that this or any other movie , produced under cuba's state control , cannot question his right to run cuba's political show ( ongoing now for more than 36 years ) . that's why i just can't believe strawberry is an honest criticism of the regime . let's see what happens after the room goes dark and the screen lights up . i saw the film--twice . i was right ; castro remained intact . strawberry negotiates the relationship between a young " dialectic materialist , " as he describes himself , and a homosexual photographer ( diego ) in 1979 cuba . the young man ( david ) is the son of peasants ; a symbol of the revolution's reason for being . grateful to the revolution for the opportunity to receive a university education , he studies political science instead of literature , his avocation , because he perceives it is his duty . therein lies a likely unintended irony , since cuba has no need for political theoreticians . cuba's government is castro . diego's lifestyle is the antithesis of revolutionary life . he enjoys the finer things--tea , opera , art . he does not do " voluntary work " for the revolution . his small apartment is a sensual oasis . the moniker " bourgeois " figuratively hangs over his head during the early parts of the movie . however , he is a " revolucionario " in his own way . the supporting roles are filled by : an aging busybody with a heart of gold and a troubled psyche ; david's roommate , who rally takes the communist party line to its expected extreme ; david's ex-girlfriend , who dumped him for another guy , yet wants to bed him before she leaves for italy with her husband ; german , a gay sculptor whose work diego is attempting to exhibit , and who strikes a faustian pact with the government . gutierrez alea and co-director juan carlos tabio do a fine job at almost showing that homosexuals can be revolutionaries too . heck , towards the end of the film you begin to think the guy deserves a medal for his patriotic fervor . he really loves the revolution ( as supposedly does everybody else in cuba ) and wants to make it better by exposing and correcting some of its flaws . real criticism is missing though . this movie is political window dressing . luis aguilar leon's op . ed . piece on fresa in the miami herald ( 10 march 1995 , at 21a ) did not color my judgment ; it presaged my intuition . aguilar leon expressed my sentiment about this film's political angle best : like many artistic manifestations in cuba , strawberry and chocolate sprang from a totally manipulated environment . as art critic ivan de la nuez well states in the latest issue of the magazine postmodern notes , the silenced artists are those who refuse to accept " the charade in which artists can provoke up to a point , while the institutions legitimize themselves by forbidding them to go beyond that point . " although terrible propaganda , this is otherwise a fine film .

plot : this movie takes place over one day . it's a rookie cop's narcotics training alongside a seasoned police veteran . the rookie doesn't know much about " street justice " , so the older cop teaches him about the way things work in the " real world " . how even cops like themselves have to " bend the rules " and " break the law " every now and then , in order to catch the really bad guys . critique : a pretty intense little movie with solid acting across the board , some ups , some downs and a thrilling ending , despite a couple of small flaws . i really enjoyed this movie because it followed two extreme characters and put them in situations which had me wondering about what i would do if i were in their place . the film gets right into the " dirty " side of , well . . . the dirt on the streets , and proceeds to teach the rookie cop ( and us , the audience ) how things really work down there . of course , we're receiving this lesson from a man who has put away a lot of scum in his time , but the things he seems to be doing aren't exactly on the up-and-up either . and therein , lies the fun of the film . do you agree that you yourself would need to break a few small laws in order to put away the people who break the really big ones ? well , as the film moves along , we're given two points of view in respect to this predicament , and to me , both sides made sense at some point or another . and you gotta give a lot of credit to the screenplay for that , the director , who builds the film up wonderfully ( with the darkness of the day leading to the darkness in the script ) and the two actors who deliver their parts in spades . hawke , first off , because he rarely plays these " commercial " roles but does so perfectly here , with a vulnerable side which has you feeling for the bastard right off the top . and denzel , well , what can you say about mr . washington that hasn't already been said before ? he comes through as per his usual high-level style here , and gives the audience a completely different side to his talent , of which , i personally would like to see more . he's nice , he's not so nice , he's smart , he's not so smart , he's caring and he's a dog all the way . the few problems that i did have with this film included the redundant nature of the whole thing at some point ( okay , we get it . . . you have to be nasty in order to deal with these nasty people . . . move on ) and this one really major " coincidence " which involved a bathtub , that saved the day for one character , but seemed a little too " convenient " for my taste . i also never really understood how washington's character got out of a certain dire predicament , only to be seen driving his car in the very next scene . but obviously these small flaws didn't taint my overall enjoyment of this tense drama , a film that gets you right into the streets , into the nooks and the crannies , and into the moral dilemma which lies between the justice system and the day-to-day drug busts . see it if you want to wrestle with some of these issues yourself , see it if you want to see denzel and ethan strike up a palpable chemistry on-screen , and see it if you like holding on to your seat-handles real tight during a movie . in fact , see it for the scene in which ethan hawke plays cards with a host of gang-bangers alone . . . dang , now that's intense ! where's joblo coming from ? the corruptor ( 7/10 ) - crimson tide ( 9/10 ) - l . a . confidential ( /10 ) - lethal weapon ( 8/10 ) - requiem for a dream ( 8/10 ) - seven ( 10/10 ) - shaft ( 7/10 ) - traffic ( 8/10 )

when i left the theater after seeing david lynch's " lost highway , " i remarked to a fellow movie-goer , " i feel like someone just sucked my brains out through my nose and put them back in through my ears . " in his first feature film in five years , lynch delivers a film second only to his debut picture " eraserhead " on the weirdness scale . you won't " know " what happened when it's over , though there are certainly enough clues with which to make some reasonable guesses . it is difficult to describe the plot of this film , because it depends partly on how you interpret it . i can , however , describe what we see on the screen : l . a . jazz saxophonist fred madison ( bill pullman ) and his wife renee ( patricia arquette ) , whom he clearly suspects of infidelity , receive a series of videotapes apparently filmed inside their house while they were asleep . they are , naturally enough , more than a little frightened and confused , and it doesn't help matters any when " mystery man " ( robert blake ) approaches fred at a party and proceeds to call himself on the telephone at the madisons' house in a scene that is at once hilarious and unnerving . the next morning , fred finds another videotape which , to his ( and our ) surprise , shows him brutally murdering renee in their bedroom . he is convicted of her murder and sent to death row , where he inexplicably disappears one night and is replaced by a young mechanic named pete dayton ( balthazar getty ) . the perplexed prison officials release dayton , whose life begins to intersect with fred in a number of ways - most notably his affair with alice wakefield ( arquette again ) , a blonde who is otherwise renee's spitting image , and another encounter with the mystery man . i would be giving away a little too much to reveal any more , but suffice it to say that lynch doesn't offer any neat wrap ? ups , nor does he put a lid on the metaphysical confusion : the cinematic demons of " lost highway " are out in full force from beginning to end . this description might make " lost highway " sound like a giddy exercise in haywire surrealism , but in fact , while there are traces of lynch's weird sense of humor , this film is anything but giddy most of the time . on the contrary , lost highway is a dark and perplexing mystery that takes lynch's previous excursions into murder and intrigue one step farther . the film does not revolve around a character investigating a mystery ; rather , the character * is * the mystery . there are recurring and at times deeply disturbing images of suspicion , distrust , and infidelity thoughout the film that seem to indicate a deluded , fractured psyche at the root of all the bizarre goings-on here . we , the audience , are left to puzzle out whose psyche it is that is driving this ( probably fred's , in my opinion ) and what , in that case , the other characters and events are meant to represent . all of this proceeds , appropriately , in lynch's typically slow-paced , idiosyncratic style . as is often the case , lynch relies on sound , imagery , and mood more than on dialogue and action to tell his story , and in " lost highway " it works perfectly . there are scenes when the camera lingers on fred's blank expression as he drifts uncomfortably down a hallway , or on his pained face in his prison cell while the haunting strains of this mortal coil's " song to the siren " can be heard faintly in the background ; nothing is technically " happening " in these scenes , yet they present a vivid picture of a man losing his grip just as effective as , if not more so than , the hysterical screaming found in most movie presentations of insanity . lynch's direction and director of photography pete deming's darkly lit cinematography serve to create a nearly suffocating atmosphere of tension and fear that are exactly what is needed for this story . well , most of the time , anyway - i have to admit that i was a bit bored at times during the section of the film with pete dayton as the protgaonist , which is less inherently interesting and mostly keeps the viewer's attention because of its tie-ins to the original mystery . the main characters in this " reality " - dayton ( a well-meaning but none too intelligent 24-year-old ) , a sleazy gangster ( who for some reason has two names but otherwise is pretty much a stock character ) , and his porn-star girlfriend ( the blond arquette ) - are nothing you couldn't find in any of the two dozen " pulp fiction " wannabes ; fortunately , the reappearance of the mystery man as well as some other typically lynchian elements , such as the strained , awkward conversations between pete and his parents , help to preserve the film's spooky , unnerving tone during this stretch . lynch's typically graphic and disturbing portrayals of fringe sexuality , while relevant to the themes of jealousy and adultery , are also somewhat overdone here . it's not exactly exploitative - like almost everything else in this film , the sex is thoroughly weird and creepy and is unlikely to provide any cheap lurid thrills - as much as it is unnecessary and frankly kind of dumb by the seventh or eighth time arquette takes her clothes off . that said , these minor flaws don't prevent " lost highway " from attaining its place as one of the darkest , most unsettling films to hit the screens in recent years . it is a one-way ride down the lost highway of a disturbed mind , and as such it is gripping , intense , and brilliantly effective .

did i do something bad ? i must have , because sitting through this movie was sheer punishment . here's the plot . ricky ( jeff goldblum ) is producer of the good-buy network , one of those 24-hour home shopping channels . the new boss ( robert loggia ) plans to can ricky's behind if he doesn't turn the previous months' flat sales numbers around , and to add to his problems , ricky also has to work with kate ( kelly preston ) , the ivy league wunderkind whom the boss has brought with him . kate and ricky don't get along and don't have any great ideas until they meet g ( eddie murphy ) , a spiritualist who sees something positive in everything . his soothing voice and simple logic makes people feel good , and it's this quality that will make g the new gbn television star and the key to the network's success . the first problem is a flaw in the plot . sure , g makes people feel good . sure , we're told that most people feel guilty after buying an impulse item , no matter how wealthy they might be , and i'll even believe that g talks a talk that allows people to feel good about what they've bought . but , hey , that's after they've bought it . why do sales skyrocket the first time g is on camera ? far from trying to sell the product , g instead blathers on about how you don't even need the thing . someone please tell me how this is supposed to move merchandise in the first place . you might say that people feel good about what they've bought , so they come back and by more , but due to the simple fact that the first round of sales in inexplicable , i'm not convinced this is what the filmmakers had in mind . the whole movie is therefore seriously undermined because the key point in the plot is never credible . another problem is in the humor . you know , if you see that eddie murphy is in a movie , i think it is not unreasonable for you to expect that the film is a comedy . whoa , partner , are you in for a surprise . holy man is not funny . murphy , the one asset you'd think this movie has ( remember how they brought him in at the last minute to save best defense ? - then again , maybe you don't ) is seriously reigned in . the script gives him almost nothing to work with , and it seems as though director stephen herek kept him toned down so that the other actors in the film wouldn't be left as window dressing . there's only one moment in the film where murphy is allowed to let loose , and it lasts for three shouted words , which seem totally out of place as a result . pathetic . in all , there are about three jokes that work in the entire picture , and they're not even that great . as a side note , there are some cameo appearances such as dan marino pitching a contraption which allows you to cook off of your car engine , and james brown introducing a medic-alert device that shouts " help me ! " just like the hardest working man in show business at the push of a button , but these never cause your personal laugh-o-meter to rise above the level of mild bemusement . " well , " you ask , " surely there must be some convincing performances to make up for the lack of humor . " think again , buckwheat . jeff goldblum disappoints . kelly preston is flat ( but not like that ) . robert loggia , in the kind of role for which he has been virtually typecast , can't do anything with it . the script is part of the problem , but these actors don't even look like they believe in the move they're making . they look a lot like they're bored . just like the audience . so what do you have when the humor is absent from your comedy , and the acting is like the siberian steppes ? a film that drags more than a dropped anchor . but wait ! as if these problems don't make the film slow enough , the screenplay's pacing makes the movie even slower ! it takes the entire first half hour to establish the movie's premise , then more time as the film wades through a tortuous ( and seemingly mandatory ) romance between ricky and kate , and a sub-plot involving a conniving pr man ( eric mccormack ) who wants to discredit g and take over ricky's job as producer . when the pr guy's plan is foiled , the film is climaxes , we're treated to that little epilogue , and then we can all go home , right ? wrong . the movie goes on for another half hour ! continental drift is the indy 500 compared to the pace of holy man ! the only thing holy about holy man will surely be the number of people exclaiming " holy ! @#% that movie was awful ! " this one is for the truly pious .

one of these days , i'll make good on my promise never to rent another abel ferrara movie . king of new york and body snatchers notwithstanding ( and bad lieutenant is only fit for a single , emotive viewing ) , his exploitation flicks have fallen into a rut of hoary art-house trappings . it's a perfume-drenched , coke-addled visit to the seedy pornography shop , where beautiful models ( no , hookers -- no , courtesans ) usher you through the silk curtains . ferrara's only consistently smart move has been casting christopher walken over and over again , since walken can make a good movie great and a loathsome movie durable whenever he's onscreen . his 8-minute scene in the addiction is the saving grace of that otherwise abysmal , unwatchable , and pretentious failure . when he starts talking about his vampiric bowel movements , or questions whether lili taylor has ever read naked lunch , there's a much-needed dose of humor in an otherwise terminally unfunny affair . you know those gothic club kids who are too cool to smile and let you know they're actually having fun ? the addiction is that movie . walken , sadly , does not appear in the blackout . the central role of matty , a junkie film star whose lightning paced hollywood life among the beautiful people is inevitably leading to his destruction , is played by matthew modine ( who takes what he can get after cutthroat island ) . much like the protagonists of michelangelo antonioni's terminally bored cultural elite , matty is involved in a bitter pill " relationship " with high fashioned model annie ( at least i think she's a model . ) matty's lady is played by french actress b ? atrice dalle , arrested twice for cocaine possession during filming of the blackout -- not that you needed to know that , but it lends credence to the idea that ferrara's entire oeuvre has been filmed in a fucking blackout . no kidding . requiem for a dream has nothing on the junkie presentations seen in ferrara's movies and his controversial urban lifestyle . matty and annie struggle over her decision to have an abortion without consulting him . no doubt , he was off chasing the dragon . in his despair , matty indulges in a chemical induced weekend of debauchery , tooling around the streets of miami with video filmmaker mickey wayne ( dennis hopper , in full " dirty ol' man " mold smacking models on the ass and telling them to spread their legs . wider ! ) toward the end of the night , they pick up a teenage waitress also named annie ( sarah lassez ) , start shooting a hastily improvised sexual scene , then matty thankfully blacks out . something happened that night which haunts him throughout the rest of the movie , and it's exactly what you think it was . suffice to say , there's some confusion over whether he killed annie one or annie two , or anyone at all . the blackout is typical ferrara : no plot to speak of , plenty of raunch , and horribly vogue images of matthew modine downing a bottle of jack daniels and a beer while wrapping himself in a see-through curtain in his hotel room by the sea , by the sea , by the beautiful sea . cinematographer ken kelsch finds inconsistent glory in alternating gorgeous painterly sunsets with docu-style sleaze ( and we're back to dennis hopper leering at girls in bathing suits . " yeah ! ! ! yeah ! ! ! arrrghhh ! " says mr . hopper . dirty old sod . ) it's compulsive viewing in a tacky sort of way , leading to a ridiculous climax where modine seizes control of his destiny . how's that for cryptic ? never fear -- ferrara finds time for some female full frontal nudity to remind us what he's all about . i can picture it now . " take off yer clothes , kid -- it's essential to depict the inner maelstrom of my central protagonist , and you're his visual id . you're the soul , the heart , the bloodstream of the picture . take it off ! take it all off ! ! ! ha ha ha ! " friggin' vampire . yeah , you , ferrara . a final word about matthew modine : he's actually a fine actor when properly cast , but there's something too squeaky-clean in his demeanor . he's ideally suited for sarcastic men in tightly controlled situations , such as his private joker in full metal jacket or the time-bomb nebbish in short cuts ( who is every bit as superb as julianne moore in that famous scene , though no one seems to notice him ) . [he was in that scene ? -ed . ] here , he's asked to let it all hang out , sporting a three-day stubble and oily bangs . he throws around furniture like stanley kowalski , but it's somehow lacking . modine lacks the feral intensity of brando , entirely miscast in ferrara's flesh fair . better luck next time , matt . someday , you'll be forgiven for cutthroat island , which wasn't really your fault in the first place . maybe atom egoyan will find a place for you somewhere , and all will once again be well in your world .

" what's your favorite new york moment ? " " this one's climbing the charts . " starring john cusack , kate beckinsale , eugene levy , molly shannon . directed by peter chelsom . rated pg-13 . there's no doubt that 95% of romantic comedies follow a distinct pattern : guy sees girl , guy wants girl , guy goes through unreasonable obstacles to get girl , guy gets girl . in rare cases , the genders are flipped . predictability is a given . rarely , though , is a romantic comedy as cheap , as obvious , or as pointless as serendipity , a film that uses its " theme " as an excuse for its plot contrivances . " lightweight " doesn't begin to describe it . this is like anti-gravity . it begins in a new york city bloomingdale's , a product placement that rivals cast away's fedex for sheer blatancy . jonathan trager ( john cusack ) and sara thomas ( kate beckinsale ) both go for the same pair of gloves . after going through the perfunctory motions , jonathan gets to keep the gloves and the two of them go out for ice cream , followed by ice skating . jonathan falls hard , and sara is charmed . when she writes her name and number down on a piece of paper , a truck rumbles by and blows it out of her hand . she takes this as a sign from fate that they shouldn't be together ; jonathan is flabbergasted . to pacify him , she comes up with an idea : jonathan will write his number on a 5 dollar bill , which she will promptly spend . when she gets home , she will write her name and number inside a book ( " love in the time of cholera " ) and sell it to a used bookstore . if the bill gets back to her or the book to him , it will mean that they are meant to be together . three years later . both sara and jonathan are now engaged to other love interests . both realize they aren't content . both go looking for the other . what happens now is so absurd that i'm almost tempted to recommend the film for the sake of seeing it . the two of them run circles around each other in a set of incredible " coincidences " that i would describe as contrivances if it weren't for the film oh-so-cleverly dismissing that criticism by building its plot around " serendipity . " of course , since the movie is about fate , the screenwriter can do anything he damn well pleases . i'm not buying it . there's no suspense in any of this because we know exactly what's going to happen , but serendipity insists on drilling its purportedly " adorable " non-story into our heads . instead of " will they meet ? " the question we're asking is " when will they meet already ? " to make matters worse , every " coincidence " is telegraphed from a mile away ; by the last reel i was bored enough to actively look for signs that something else " incredible " was going to happen . cusack is fine and beckinsale , at least , isn't saddled with another lumbering , clunky screenplay ( she's had bad luck , what with brokedown palace and pearl harbor on her resume ) , just an inanely pointless one . serendipity also relieves the tedium with the amazing eugene levy , who plays a snarky bloomingdale's salesman . what's the interest in watching a movie that spirals around and around a predestined ( no pun intended ) conclusion ? serendipity wants to tug at the heartstrings , but it only tests our patience .

i tried hard not like this movie without succeeding . it contains parts of bringing up baby , any hepburn/tracy film , part of the plot of war games , cary grant and rosalind russell in his girl friday , elevator shaft action , train action , and murder . it is cute , funny , suspenseful ( a little bit ) , sexy ( a little bit ) . one of the bad guys was a surprise . the pace is fast enough , there are some " action " scenes . i think that this is a reasonable family summer movie for families with older kids who have already seen maverick . julia roberts and nick nolte are fine separately and together . i really identified with the julia roberts character ( wishful thinking , i know ! ) , but i do have better hair ! her hair , a very dull dark brown , has no color . she could use some highlights . they both do fine with their roles : he's a bored columnist with the chicago chronicle and she's a hotshot " cub " reporter with the chicago globe . they have great fun trying to out scoop each other to solve one case throughout this movie . i like the one story focus . other actors include charles martin smith as roberts' boss , olympia dukakis as nolte's coworker , nora dunn also with the chronicle , and marsha mason as a congresswoman . basically this movie is reasonably fun . there is a serious mystery to solve , and i enjoyed following a fun couple solving the mystery . it is a pleasant change of pace from movies that take themselves seriously . i do give successful comedy high marks .

you've got to think twice before you go see a movie with a title like maximum risk . the title is generic . it's meaningless . and i can't believe it's good business . when you pick up the phone and dial 777-film , how in the world are you supposed to remember that the new jean-claude van damme movie , the one that looked kind of cool in the trailers and is directed by some chinese hot shot , is called , geez , maximum risk ? yuck . the movie itself deserves your attention . for sweet bloody thrills , this one beats the summer blockbuster competition hands-down . only mission : impossible came close to delivering as skillful a thriller , and i'll give maximum risk the edge simply because it's not as slick as the tom cruise picture , and therefore more gratifying in its execution . much to my surprise , van damme continues to develop as a pleasant , unpretentious action hero . his track record isn't as solid as schwarzenegger's , but he's a hell of a lot more adventurous than arnold . in 1993 , van damme worked with hong kong's premier hardcore action director , john woo , on a fairly lame movie called hard target . ( if you can find a bootleg copy , woo's radically different director's cut is much better than what was eventually released . ) this follow-up is directed by ringo lam ( city on fire , full contact ) , whose hong kong films are distinguished action pictures that have consistently played second fiddle to woo's more operatic offerings . the surprise here is that maximum risk is a more effective hollywood action flick than either hard target or woo's subsequent broken arrow . here's the rundown . van damme plays a french cop named alain moreau who is shaken when a policeman friend ( jean-hugues anglade ) finds a corpse that's alain's exact double . turns out alain was separated at birth from his twin brother , michael , who has been killed by some russian heavies ( and some strangely american looking cops ) . alain does some investigating . he finds that michael had booked a flight to new york city , and received a message from someone there named alex bohemia . assuming michael's identity , alain flies to new york and gets tangled up with michael's girlfriend ( natasha henstridge ) , the fbi , and the russian mob in little odessa . that's as much as you need to know . the story is adequate , but not overly involving -- and the major plot points are basically explained to you twice , just in case you go out for popcorn at the wrong moment . there's a love story , too , but i didn't find it terribly convincing , partly because ex-model henstridge is too high-strung in her high-profile debut ( she had precious few lines as the alien ice queen in species ) . she's great to look at , and she can certainly read a line , but what she does here can't really be described as " acting . " of course , " acting " isn't really what she was hired for ( i lost track of whether her shirt comes off more often than van damme's ) . the movie is exceptionally violent , bordering on gratuity . ( keep that in mind when planning your date . ) the stunts are spectacular , and the fact that you can spot van damme's stand-in makes his work no less impressive . there's only so much you can do with a car wreck , but this movie makes crisp , effective use of pile-ups in a handful of frenzied destruction derbies . and lam has a surprising , innovative sense of exactly where the camera should go to catch any bit of action . the main difference between lam and woo , i believe , is that while woo relies on sheer spectacle to gas up his action show pieces , lam has figured out more about using cinematic space and double-barreled points of view to make things run . don't get me wrong -- when chow yun-fat soars through space pumping bullets out of two pistols and chewing on a toothpick with glass and confetti littering the air around him in woo's hard-boiled , it's an amazing moment . but it's a moment that's hard to reproduce in hollywood . ( for one thing , hollywood doesn't yet have chow yun-fat ! ) while woo's hollywood movies look like the work of a talented upstart , maximum risk is a surprisingly confident picture . the very first shot of the film is an awkward overhead view of a chase through the streets of a european city , but lam's use of odd camera angles becomes more efficient later on . the film editing is a particularly savvy complement to lam's shooting style , accentuating rather than amplifying the action . the performances could have used some fine tuning ( in particular , there's an annoying , overwritten manhattan cab driver in the early scenes who should have been toned down or jettisoned completely ) , and the movie doesn't always overcome the limitations of its genre . the story is a little mundane , although there are some effective moments involving van damme's unrequited feelings toward the brother he never knew he had . but it's not often that hollywood cranks out a truly satisfying action picture , and it's doubly surprising that this one should come with a mere whisper of publicity . van damme fans should treat themselves to what may well be the man's best movie , and international action buffs will no doubt savor this flavorful hong kong/hollywood hybrid .

well , here's a distasteful , thoroughly amateurish item that , surprisingly , was actually a box-office hit at the time of its release . after just viewing the film for the first time , my primary question is how did anyone with an iq north of 35 enjoy this movie ? it is cheap , idiotic , unfunny , and not nearly as raunchy as i had heard it was . at least some smut would have livened things up a bit . " porky's , " tells the story ( if you can call it that ) of four clueless high school buddies , pee wee ( dan monahan ) , billy ( mark herrier ) , tommy ( wyatt knight ) , and mickey ( roger wilson ) , whom desperately want to get laid . women , for the most part , are a mystery to them ( and in this movie , they are to the audience , as well , since all of them are written and acted as if they are aliens from a different planet ) . their plan is sidetracked , however , when they venture out to a smarmy strip bar named porky's , which they are able to get into using fake id's . after they pay the manager one-hundred bucks for three hookers , they are played a trick on and find themselves being dumped into the swamp below the building . for these four teenage guys , this means war on porky's . " porky's , " ultimately manages to fail on almost every possible level . as a teenage sex-romp , it is not wild or amusing enough . as a comedy , all of the jokes are predictable and fall flat . as a look back at the 1950's , it is something , i suspect , most people from that era would want to bury deep in a grave . and as a revenge movie , it is a crushing bore . one of the most offensive things about , " porky's , " is how jaw-droppingly inaccurate the film is about teenagers . the four main characters are not even attempted to be developed as characters , and we learn very little about them , except that they are horny and would probably feel more comfortable in a preschool . that sure is revealing information . the female characters fare even worse under the inaudacious screenplay and direction by bob clark . the women are all treated as objects or comedy props , rather than real people . for example , the two gym teachers , mrs . balbricker ( nancy parsons ) and honeywell ( kim cattrall ) , only have one purpose , and that is to be made fun of . mrs . balbricker is a gruff , no-holds-barred , overwight woman who will not stand for any foolishness , and , in one particularly embarrassing scene for all involved , honeywell has sex with a coach and barks like a dog . there is no way to tell if parsons or cattrall are servicable actresses ( even though i have the suspicion they are not ) , but one thing is for sure : they are asked to do things in this film that are not at all funny , only humiliating . to prove how out-of-touch this so-called comedy is , compare it to other more serious 80's films about teenagers , and it looks even worse in comaprison . any of the john hughes pictures , such as 1984's " sixteen candles , " or , 1985's " the breakfast club , " put , " porky's , " at an even greater shame . those films actually dealt with serious teen matters , but remained a great deal funnier , thanks to their bright and truthful writing . and heck , if , " porky's , " wanted to be a teenage sex movie , i'd take 1982's " fast times at ridgemont high , " or 1982's " the last american virgin , " over this any day of the week . director bob clark is not a bad director . two years after he made , " porky's , " he directed the nostalgic holiday classic , " a christmas story . " i would forgive him for this misfire , in fact , if it wasn't for the fact that he also wrote the screenplay . just the thought that someone would actually sit down to write such a piece of garbage , and think that it was actually a film worth releasing unto the unsuspecting world , is actually a whole lot funnier than anything in , " porky's . "

jean-luc picard ( patrick stewart ) and the rest of the crew of the u . s . s . enterprise are back for their third outing in the ninth film based on the 1960's series , star trek . gone are kirk , spock and mccoy and in their wake in the very able and very talented cast from star trek : the next generation . as usual , a crisis is brewing and it is up to the crew of the enterprise to make the galaxy safe again . this time out the united federation of planets and an alien race led by f . murray abraham are trying to move some colonists off a planet against the colonist's will . it turns out that this planet is the fountain of youth and the federation and their alien buddies feel that is should be used for the good of everyone and not just a few hundred colonists . of course picard feels that this sort of treachery is wrong , so he disobeys direct orders and vows to help protect the colonists . insurrection is a lighter movie than the last two star trek films . the film focuses on the lofty question of whether the rights of society as a whole outweighs the rights of a small group . in this respect it gets back to the roots of star trek by disguising social commentary as science fiction . it doesn't do a bad job , other than it tries to inject too much humor into the story line . many of the jokes are your typical inside star trek-fan-only jokes , while many of the others just fall flat . the other criticism that i had with the story was that it ignores common sense . there are only a few hundred people on this whole planet , why do they have to be moved ? the explanation is that the planet has to be bombarded with deadly radiation so that this fountain of youth effect will be strong enough to help heal f . murray abraham's aliens who number only a couple of dozen . so the basic story line is bad enough in that we have a few hundred being booted out for a few billion , at least that's plausible . but in reality we have a few hundred being moved for the benefits of a few dozen , which makes no sense whatsoever . the other little hiccup in logic is the inclusion of worf ( michael dorn ) , the trusty klingon . worf was on star trek : the next generation , so they want to include him in the films . no problem so far . worf is now a character of star trek : deep space nine , so the writers have to find a way to have him show up . in the last star trek movie , first contact , the included worf in a credible fashion , in this one , the writers are so lazy that the completely gloss over why he is even in the movie . what little explanation they do give is so small that you would have missed it if you weren't hanging on every word on the screen . my minor problems with the movie aside , star trek : insurrection does have an overwhelming number of good points as compared to its bad ones . while many of the jokes do miss the mark , many are pretty good , even for non-trekkies . the special effects are among the best for the star trek series . the action is plentiful and well done . this is a very good-looking movie . it should come as no surprise to anyone who ever watched star trek : the next generation that the acting is first rate . it is very obvious that these actors have been working together for over a decade . they interact with each other with a skill that few other ensemble casts can muster . most star trek fans probably will not be disappointed with this latest film in the series . if you've always hated star trek , there is nothing here that is going to change your mind . star trek : insurrection is not the best film in the series , but it is good enough to dispel the long standing tradition of the odd numbered films in the series being far inferior to the even numbered ones .

i love this movie , and i've just seen for the umptenth time . unfortunately , it is also completly unknown and very few have seen it . it's my mission in life to spread the word : see this movie ! fred , george , doug and howie are reaching middleage . three of them have a wife , kids and a house in the suburb with a mortgage to pay . only fred is still a bachelor . together they take the local train every morning to work in town . on one of their organized thursday evenings at a bar , fred tells them of his boss and the arrangements he has made to keep a mistress . he has gotten an apartment in downtown where he can meet her but has told his wife that he needs the apartment to spend the night after staff meetings every thursday night . since they always split everything four ways , they decide that they should get an apartment with a young woman as well , kathy . however , kathy isn't completly honest to them . in fact , she is a sociology student writing a thesis about the sex life of the suburban male . with these four species she believes that she will make a very good paper . ok , have one thing clear though . the romantic rendezvous' between kathy and each of the men are completly innocent . the script stays above the waist - or to be precise , above the neck . noboyd claims that kathy is their mistress , the four guys call her their 'companion' . the censorship board here in sweden considered it to be suitable only for people above 15 years , but that only shows how long ago 1962 was . small children could watch this without being corrupted . kim novak is as lovely as always in this movie , even if she seems to be a bit too old for a student . james garner is the playboy just like in many other movies . i liked howard morris the best as howard the accountant who has to diet to support his wife . tony randall is funny as always . 1962 was more than 35 years ago . how many accountants , copywriters or investment bankers can today afford to live in a house in the suburb with a lot of kids and a wife who does not work ? this is the white middle class , i can't remember that i saw any blacks on the commuter train they use . these are the people who can count on their kids to live an even better life than themselves . perhaps this should also be a subject for a thesis in movie sociology ?

what's to like about the world of extremely violent trash pornography--ie . the garbage known as " snuff " films ? nothing , right ? what's to like about a film chronicling the world of violent trash pornography ? well . . . nothing . so , why make it , hollywood ? there's no reason why the average , sane movie-goer will be interested in such a topic . no one is going to enrich their life or have a good time by watching material such as this . the lack of quality filmmaking in " 8mm " ( from technical to acting ) stands out even more when you consider the star , writer , and supporting cast--all reputable . but joel schumacher and his brand of unlikable filmmaking strikes again ! like paul schrader , schumacher has his moments , but they're few and far ( far ! ) between . basically , this picture is crap and no one should pay to see it . why not walk out ? well , this wouldn't be a thorough review about a thoroughly bad movie . here's why you should spend your money on dog food or gum instead of " 8mm " . . . first thing--if you don't heed my advice , then understand what you're about to see before you even think about paying good money for this crud . it's not easy to watch . i didn't know the details of the story beforehand , but at least my ignorance can help others now . the ( ha ! ) plot revolves around tom welles ( nicolas cage ) as a surveillance expert and private investigator . a rich old woman discovers a " snuff " film in her late husband's safe . she calls welles and hires him to try and find out if the young girl ( it had to be a young girl , didn't it , schumacher ! ) who appears to be murdered in the film really is dead . she's horrified that her husband would have owned such a film ( in 8mm , of course ) and just wants welles to snoop around without police interference to see what he can find . family-man welles agrees against better judgement or any concrete leads even after cringing and grimacing at the sight of the grotesque " murder " . let me backtrack for a moment . see , " snuff " films are pornos with a violent twist--people are tortured in very sick ways and end up dead . however , the deaths are often staged and , in those cases , special effects and " good " acting make all the difference . very sick people enjoy and pay top dollar for these hard-to-find movies . the thought of this " industry " makes me want to throw my computer out the window and stop this review , but i'll swallow my bile and move on . welles follows clues to hollywood and the porn industry . you'd think he's sherlock holmes the way clues drop so easily for him ! he comes across smut clerk max ( joaquin phoenix ) who knows everyone and everything in the underground business of sleaze . after a lot of digging and bribing , welles finds the men who are responsible for making this , and other , " snuff " films . skip ahead , skip ahead , skip ahead . . . led by dino velvet ( peter stormare in an uncharacteristically terrible performance ) and star-torturer " machine " ( christopher bauer ) , they have a big showdown with welles where death and mayhem ensue . the movie doesn't end there , unfortunately , because welles has to do what all heroes in schumacher films do--become a vigilante . this film doesn't draw you in . it keeps you about 700 miles away from it and who in their right mind would want to get close ? it is possible to like a film that focuses on grime and sick behaviour ( ie . " se7en " ) , but it takes a large measure of restraint ( schumacher has none ) and a larger amount of talent ( schumacher has little ) . by those jabs , i'm not only referring to his stylish destruction of the " batman " franchise , but " a time to kill " was an immensely overrated disappointment . for a guy who gets so much studio money , his track record of making rather bad movies is unparalleled . a good screenwriter and a good director can make you hypnotically watch even disgusting subject matter . writer andrew kevin walker didn't recapture the smarts of the fascinating script he authored for '95s twisted thriller , " se7en " . director schumacher doesn't have that innate ability to make you watch things you don't really want to see like better directors are capable of doing . he must not have believed hitchcock who espoused the theory that what we don't see is more frightening than what we do ( especially when it's a scene where young girl is supposed to be murdered ) . however , gratuitous is joel's middle name . he must think that not flaunting a hard-core act of violent sex is showing plenty of tactful restraint . no , he doesn't go that far , but we see enough unpleasantness . he doesn't leave much to the imagination . it's manipulating to hurt ( or kill ) young girls just to get the audience on the side of a murderous vigilante . the script and acting should be what gets us to believe in these characters , yet schumacher has no subtlety in his ( ha ha ! ) craft . case in point , a shot of a christian fellowship bus ( good , right ? ) drives away to reveal one of the villains ( bad , right ? ) . see . . . no subtlety . does joel think we're stupid or that we need to be held by the hand to comprehend the contrasting imagery ? who do we root for in this mess ? is there anybody out there ? it's not all the director's fault , though . why did the actors sign up for this ? nicolas cage is an oscar-winner , for cryin' out loud ! if he claims to do films to challenge himself and for the artistic merit rather than the money , what was he smoking when this script dropped on his veranda ? what is cage supposed to be in this movie--a whispering batman without the charisma and pointed ears ? villainous peter stormare is five steps past hammy . and what is james gandolfini doing in this trash ? he was so solid as a concerned father in " a civil action " . i guess ol' nic , pete , and jim were promised a mountain of money . . . or they're suckers . or they just don't care . there are moments ( albeit brief ones ) where this rises above the wasteland . catherine keener is good ( although too quick to threaten divorce ) as mrs . wells . baby cindy is obviously cute and wells' devout love of his daughter is sweet . the mother ( amy norton ) of the girl in the infamous 8mm film is not too bad as a woman dealing with the uncertain loss of her runaway daughter . this film has an appropriate blue-toned , washed-out look like " payback " ( which was a much better movie ) . the editing is okay in scenes of no dialogue , but at other times it's rough . during some conversations , close-ups and wide shots are not cut very well , making it look to be editted by someone whose instincts aren't good and whose timing was a half-second off . such a technical error indeed stands out . speaking of standing out , don't believe the misleading trailers . there's not much action here . occasionally , yes , but not as often as your tv will have you believe . after seeing " 8mm " , i may not be interested in ever watching any kind of porn again . is that a positive ? well , if making me almost ill at the thought of glimpsing a dirty movie again is their motive , they've done a swell job here . it'll be a long time before i give a schumacher film another chance--unless i lose my mind and become seriously depraved . but today i'm not depraved , so i ask , why does this film preach that this garbage is out there and that society should be worried about it ? i'm sure that somewhere right now there's some pretty sick crap going on , but that doesn't mean i need to know about it . yes , mr . walker , your script tells us that there are some screwed-up folks out there . yes , mr . walker , the proverbial monster doesn't look like we expect him to . you said all that in 1995 . move on . this film serves no purpose . it doesn't entertain , it doesn't teach us anything , it doesn't make a statement beyond the obvious " this stuff is bad " approach . only if this film awakens the authorities to find a way to abolish these types of horrors would it ever do someting truly worthwhile . that's not likely to happen , though , so " 8mm " is indeed a scummy waste of money . orson welles said years ago in a tribute to film , " to movies . . . to good movies " . if only joel schumacher and the producers had listened and told andrew kevin walker to bury this crud deep in a hole . like " snuff " films , " 8mm " should never have been made . now , excuse me while i go try to forget i ever saw it . useless trivia--joel schumacher loves the vigilante theme . he used it in " batman forever " , in " batman & robin " , in " a time to kill " , in " falling down " , and it's rumoured that joel himself will play the vigilante at his breakfast table tomorrow . . .

blade is the movie that shows that wesley snipes really can live up to his potential as one of hollywood's premier leading men . blade is based on the comic book character of the same name and has that comic book kind of feel to it . it is a very stylish movie and for the most part that style works very well . although , at a few points i thought i was watching a music video as opposed to a movie . the ideas behind blade are good , as is the basic plot of the story . but at times , things seem to get a bit muddled , and the writers appear to want to do too many things at once . that really doesn't take away from the story too much , but it does hurt it a little bit . blade ( snipes ) is half man , half vampire . his mother was bitten by a vampire when she was pregnant with him and as a result he has many of the classic traits of a vampire . including a thirst for human blood that must be kept under control by a special serum which quenches his blood lust . blade has spent his life hunting down and killing vampires as a sort of revenge for the fact that one of their kind killed his mother . but this isn't as easy as it seems , because the vampires in blade's world are more sophisticated than the ones that you find in most films . the government and other authorities know of the existence of vampires , but they let them feast of the population at large because they are taking bribes from the vampires . where do vampires get money ? well , in blade , they run multinational companies in order to finance their vampire organizations . i personally thought that this whole secret corporate world run by vampires to be a very clever idea , and a great addition to the movie . blade runs up against the evil deacon frost ( stephen dorff ) a maverick in the vampire community . he isn't content to live among humans , and is convinced that the vampire race is the superior one and he means to insure its superiority . he has managed to translate the ancient vampire scrolls that tell of the method of making him an all-powerful vampire -- rendering him virtually unstoppable . it's up to blade to see that this doesn't transpire . admittedly , blade is style over substance through and through . the story is a relatively forgettable one , but it is fun none the less . the acting in blade is just about what you would expect from a movie of this type . this isn't a film that is going to win accolades for its performances , and the actors know this . the movie is played for fun and nobody seems to think otherwise . it's a popcorn movie , and no one involved has any illusions otherwise . blade's production values are as slick as any that you will find in your typical summer blockbuster . the combat sequences between blade and his vampire targets are incredibly well done . although , the mtv-style cuts did get on my nerves after a while during long sequences . blade is a fun movie with an interesting take on the vampire genre . this is not the movie for those of you who like your vampires in tuxedos and living in coffins in the basement of some gothic castle . what blade excels at is bringing the classic lore of the vampire into the next century with a fresh outlook on life . very cool .

based on the novel set in 1914 by joseph conrad , victory spins a tale of a pair of lovers , heyst ( william dafoe ) and alma ( irene jacob ) , who seek refuge on heyst's isolated island . however , their idyllic world begins to crumble upon the arrival of mr jones ( sam neil ) , martin ricardo ( rufus sewell ) and their servant , pedro ( graziano marcelli ) , who have come to steal heyst's rumoured plunder . while the novel is largely complex in characterization , the film sadly transposes conrad's characters into lacklustre leads , the most disappointing being heyst himself . conrad's heyst adheres religiously to his late father's ways of detachment and isolation . his ascetic lifestyle is thrown into question when he meets alma , a helpless orchestra girl who charms him with her voice . the struggle to embrace the arrival of alma into his solitude , however , is lost in mark peploe's ( director and writer ) diluted version of heyst . without properly establishing the crucial details of heyst's character , all that is left of conrad's main character is a very shallow treatment of his internal conflict between detachment and human involvement . on the one hand , actualizing the subtext is a mammoth task ( though not impossible ) , but on the other hand , dafoe's flat acting cannot be excused as an attempt at stoicism . in the end , we are supposed to witness heyst renounce his philosophy and finally come to an understanding of what it is to love another . the final transformation , while perceptible , lacks the cathartic revelation which is undeniable in conrad's novel . its absence in the film is unforgivable . the film seems more concerned about moving the plot along when so much has yet to be said about the relationship between the two complete strangers . alma is supposed to have overcome great emotional barriers in the relationship , namely heyst's underlying philosophy of detachment , which heyst himself grapples with . the struggle against heyst's ignorance of true human involvement accounts for much of the greatness of alma's love for him . jacob , fair-skinned , gentle and yet passionate , handles the role with precision , detailing nuances where possible . unfortunately , she is let down by a superficial script . the couple's relationship develops too hastily , leaving all subtlety effaced and replaced with a blatant show-and-tell approach . all we know of the characters are mostly explained by their lines alone . this is unsatisfactory when so much of the turmoil experienced by the two stem from their buried thoughts and emotions . the sketchy handling of their relationship stands out as sorely as dafoe's american accent ( an inappropriate one since heyst spent most of his life in london ) . the other characters such as schomberg ( jean yanne ) , the owner of a hotel , and mr jones ( sam neill ) , also fall short of conrad's meticulous characterization . while schomberg should have been more menacing and vindictive , mr jones should have been portrayed as something more of an enigma . sam neil's caricature of a slightly stout , effeminate and soft-spoken gentleman-at-large nullifies the effect intended by conrad who describes mr jones as " an insolent spectre on leave from hades , endowed with skin and bones and a subtle power of terror " . poor characterization aside , kudos goes to rufus sewell for his excellent portrayal of ricardo , secretary to mr jones , a reckless ruffian capable of murder . sewell , with his cockney accent and large expressive green eyes , becomes the true terror of the unholy trinity , masterminding deceitful plans behind jones' back . at the same time , we are entertained by the foolhardiness of his plans . despite the authentic setting and marvellous cinematography by bruno de keyzer , very few images are left behind for us to savour after the film has ended . sourabaya and its surrounding islands and volcanoes may have their charm , but mean nothing once the film fails to capture the essence of an epic , which is what victory deserves to be . the delicately inter-woven complexities in the love story are lost to an inadequate production . at the end of the film , we are told that perhaps alma's victory was in teaching heyst how to love . a hollow victory indeed . the flying inkpot's rating system : * wait for the video . * * a little creaky , but still better than staying at home with gotcha ! * * * pretty good , bring a friend . * * * * amazing , potent stuff . * * * * * perfection . see it twice .

warning : anyone offended by blatant , leering machismo had better avoid this film . or lots of blood & guts , men against men and mano-et-mano stuff . in other words , it's a walter hill film ! with a john milius script ! i always picture these guys getting together and producing a movie between arm-wrestling matches . these films always contain male characters i have a very hard time identifying with , probably due to the likelihood that any meeting between them and me would result in my arm being ripped off and then my subsequent death by beating with said limb . and we got tough guys galore , here ; drug-running banditos by the dozens , all dirty and sweaty and pretty ill-tempered , overall ; a secret task force of army commandos who are in the area to cover-up ( supposedly ) any connection between the government and the drug runners ; and lots of shit-kicking texas dirt farmers who'd as soon shoot you between the eyes as look at you . in particular , we got nick nolte as one hard-ass texas ranger , powers boothe as the drug kingpin , michael ironsides as the leader of the secret army , and rip torn as the local sheriff . torn is the sympathetic figure of the group ; he smiles before shooting anyone . as to women . . . well , i've never seen jane fonda or meryl streep in a walter hill film , and at this rate , i doubt i ever will . women exist here to look good , comfort the man , and get argued over . gosh ! just like the old days . . . frankly , this is a pretty good movie , if you can accept the premise and can take the macho stuff . the cinematography is excellent , the cast of characters is broad and has texture , the script is quite good , and the film lets you keep up with what's happening yourself , without spelling it out to you . i appreciate a film that makes me have to think to keep up . finally , there's lots of sam peckinpah slow-motion shoot-ups .

jamaica is a hot vacation spot . the exchange rate encourages delusions of wealth ( approximately 30 jamaican dollars to one american ) , the sea is a brilliant blue , the air is warm but lacks humidity . and as tourism is unfortunately jamaica's biggest trade , foreigners enter and leave with a sense of relaxation . life and debt takes a brassy look at life inside this impoverished country . while normal documentaries take the sally struthers approach of underlying scenes of starving children with tearful music , this film guides the viewer with a sarcastic voiceover that brings the troubles home without begging tears to the surface . the voiceover is written by acclaimed author jamaica kincaid . it guides the audience along a tourist's journey and the story of the native inhabitants . instead of telling you what you are already seeing on screen , it quips , " you don't see what happens after you flush the toilet . " this engages a viewer to see and think about devastation instead of merely being told it is there . this strong , sparse storytelling approach runs throughout the film . stephanie black is also intelligent in how she chooses to disclose the problems faced by the locals . this isn't just another talking head show of people moaning about their horrible lot in life . people are interviewed from all sectors of occupation , from field to factory , as well as social theorists and the banking organizations that continue to invest in the country . the variety of discussion perpetuates a compelling internal dialogue with any viewer , whether they are seeing jamaica for the first time or not . of course , as can be expected , the united states is slammed , owing to its involvement with the international monetary fund and the world bank . officials look moronic as they explain why their plans for jamaica's economy will help the country back on its feet , but only if they are willing to follow the advice word for word . the next moment we see why and how each of these initiatives has failed , usually due to imports being cheaper than local labor or whether or not the soil is appropriate for the next agricultural trend the u . s . is forcing on the citizens . admittedly , some of the back and forth between the business-minded organizations and the failures they produce gets repetitive , but it also drives home the impact ignorance can have on both sides of an international argument . but jamaica isn't against the united states , and this documentary does not accuse the u . s . of being the sole perpetrator of its grief . if anything , it begs for a better understanding of the nature of jamaican society before stepping in to change it based on foreign regulations .

losing a job is not an all too uncommon thing . reacting to such a personal setback by taking a group of small children hostage is a bit more rare . while we all might feel the desire to blow someone's head off with a shotgun when they don't seem to grasp our point of view , actually threatening them with one is usually something we avoid . this isn't the case with sam baily - john travolta's slightly askew average-joe persona in mad city . " i don't think people listen to guys like me , " sam laments during an exclusive interview from behind the walls of a museum . just a few days ago , sam was a guard at this same museum , but when cutbacks led to the elimination of his security position , sam's apprehension resulted in a brash decision . in an effort to get his ex-boss , museum director mrs . banks ( blythe danner ) , to " just listen " , he barges into the museum one day equipped with a fully loaded shotgun , taking the uncooperative banks and a group of school children hostage . sam's overall concern is valid enough - if he loses his job , his paycheck , his benefits , etc . , his wife and two children won't be provided for . he's not a lunatic or a hot-tempered madman , he's somewhat like a child - panicky , compulsive , and running on emotion - and his naive intentions aren't helped any by the fact that banks wasn't overly compassionate with the let go . overall , he's just like you and me - except that he has the capacity to view the line we'd deem " far enough " as the starting mark of some crazy race . meanwhile , television reporter max brackett ( dustin hoffman ) is also on the scene . covering a " fluff " story for the evening news concerning the museum cutbacks , max suddenly finds himself in the middle of the biggest-breaking news story he ever could've hoped for . having been demoted from network newsman to smalltime affiliate reporting , max is anxious to turn this into his , and only his , story . max immediately bonds with sam . max even coaches sam thru hostage negotiations and writes scripts for him to use with the police over the phone . at first , max's intentions don't stretch beyond high ratings and a good boost to the ole pride factor , but as he gets to know sam more personally , he begins to sympathize and even become somewhat of an advocate for him . the media , however , is creating a frenzy that leaves the fickle public shifting gears as often as a diesel truck moving downhill . the accidental shooting of ex-co- worker cliff ( bill nunn ) , a black security guard , becomes one of the main factors in the controversy over sam's honest ambitions . also involved in this film are robert prosky as lou potts , head of the news department of the station max falls directly under , and alan alda as the nationally famed reporter kevin hollander , who uses his network power to try and outshine max . alda and prosky both turn in fine performances that fit like gloves on their acting abilities . then there is mia kirshner , who plays the young tv station intern laurie . she falls under max's wings only to become a student taught too well in the way of sensationalistic reporting . kirshner's credits are relatively small for now , including roles in films like exotica and the forgettable sequel to the crow . still , kirshner's character transformation shows that she has shining ability to play both good girl and kinda-bitchy-in-a-reserved-way roles . i wouldn't mind seeing her in some more prevalent parts , where perhaps her talent will be able to blossom more fully onscreen . while the viewpoint of the media as a greedy , self-righteous monster has indeed been tackled before , mad city provides a solid two hours of enjoyability . hoffman and travolta are both excellent actors , and seeing them together is a real treat . they both do a great job at smoothly and naturally becoming their characters , and they provide enough chemistry for us to genuinely care for both . there is quite a bit of humor in this film , and without it , it could've fallen into a drab , cliched social statement more likely to garner sleep from the audience than applause . this isn't a flick that will grip at both your funny bone and your heart , but it will lightly touch both , making for a recommendable movie . if for nothing more than the opportunity to watch both hoffman and travolta at the same time , i urge you to check this one out .

the comet-disaster flick is a disaster alright . directed by tony scott ( top gun ) , it tells the story about an asteroid the size of texas caught on a collision course with earth . and you thought that dinky little comet in deep impact was trouble . jeez . after a great opening , in which an american spaceship , plus the city of new york , are completely destroyed by a comet shower , nasa detects the said asteroid and go into a frenzy . they hire the world's best oil driller ( bruce willis ) , and send him and his crew up into space to fix our globel problem . that's like sending a mouse into a cat carrier , isn't it ? the action in armageddon are so over the top , nonstop , and too ludicrous for words , i had to sigh and hit my head with my notebook a couple of times . i was not alone . plus , to see a wonderful actor like billy bob thornton is a film like armageddon is a waste of the actor's talents . the film is just a reel to show off a bunch of snazzy fx shots . the only real reason for making this film was to somehow out-perform deep impact . producer jerry bruckheimer fails with armageddon .

before the remake of psycho appears , we've got to suffer through this remake of an earlier hitchcock film , dial m for murder . as usual , hollywood has filled it with glitz and big name stars , and it all amounts to a loud sounding nothing . the film opens with emily ( paltrow ) and david ( viggo mortensen ) 'having fun' in an loft apartment . the problem is , paltrow is married to stephen ( douglas ) , who is not too happy when he discovers this affair . if i was paltrow , though , i'd definitely go with mortensen . less wrinkles . anyhow , stephen approaches david with an interesting proposition : he'll pay him to kill his lovely wife . mortensen agrees , but the murder goes awry , and the twists keep on coming as the film progresses . unfortunately , the film dosen't progress very fast . in fact , it moves like a tortoise with arthritis ( read : very , very s-l-o-w . ) the plot moves nowhere fast , and only becomes exciting in very short bursts . not too good for a 'thriller . ' also , the performances , apart from douglas , are below par . paltrow , showing immense talent in se7en ( 1995 ) and sliding doors ( 1997 ) is strangely stilted , even unconvincing , in this movie . mortensen is a little bit better , coming across as a younger douglas , but his role isn't meaty enough to show all his talent . which leaves douglas to waltz away with the film , which is does . however , i doubt douglas finds it very hard to play a stogie smoking , drinking womanizer with a creepy underside . also popping up in the film is david suchet , playing a shifty looking detective . again , it's not a character we're seeing on the screen , it's david suchet . the director , who bought us the fugitive , piles on all the flash techniques , such as zoom-in's , quick cuts , etc . the lighting is also interesting . however , looks can't save this film from the depths of mediocre , and the film seemed to work better in a single set anyway . the screenplay is o . k , but there's some hackneyed sub-plot about douglas being a ruthless player on wall street ( again ) and the ending is surprisingly stupid and cliched . the characters also make incredibly dumb moves , especially paltrow , and stephen appears to lose all intelligence in the last reel . with a combination of no tension , drama , or decent characters , a perfect murder is a failure all round , and an incredible disappointment . there are a few bright moments , but they are far and few between . the last thing a thriller should be is boring , and although the film just barely manages to keep your interest thanks to michael douglas , you wouldn't be missing anything if you decided not to watch a perfect murder . overall rating= review by david wilcock ? 1998 " you know , for kids " - norville barnes

according to hitchcock and various other filmmakers , isolated motels , diners , gas stations and similar establishments in american southwest can be rather dangerous place for weary travellers . at the beginning of eye of the storm , 1991 german- american thriller directed by yuri zeltser , one of such places becomes deadly for their owners who get murdered during the stick up . ten years later their son steven ( played by bradley gregg ) , who was blinded during the incident , still runs motel together with his older brother ray ( played by craig sheffer ) . hardly anything happens there until alcoholic and abusive william gladstone ( played by dennis hopper ) gets stranded there with his attractive wife sandra ( played by lara flynn boyle ) . their unexpected presence creates the chain of the events that would end in bloodshed . yuri zeltser , author of this film , was obviously inspired by hitchcock's psycho , but he chose to add some new and potentially interesting elements to the original plot . instead of norman bates we have two brothers - one of them traumatised physically , another mentally . sexual tension between beautiful female patron and shy motel clerk is heightened with the presence of alcoholic husband . eye of the storm is impressive in visual sense , with photography by karl walter lindenlaub providing a lot of claustrophobic atmosphere . the acting is fine - hopper , gregg and boyle are comfortable with their roles , but sheffer at times overacts his psycho routine . unfortunately , eye of the storm , which was supposed to be intense psychological drama , deteriorates into cheap and predictable slasher flick during melodramatic finale . in the end , this film reminds us that original approach can't prevent filmmakers from wasting too many opportunities . ( special note to the profiler fans : ally walker appears in the beginning of the film in the small role of killer's girlfriend . )

funny how your expectations can be defeated , and not in good ways . the ghost and the darkness promised ( at least , it seemed to me to promise ) a hemingwayesque showdown between men and nature . what it delivered was mystery science theater 3000-level material -- an inadvertently hilarious story that made me scream advice at the characters . " get new jobs ! " was one line , if i remember correctly . at the end of the 19th century , col . patterson ( val kilmer , whose irish accent comes and goes like an african zephyr ) is an engineer who has been hired to build a british railway bridge across the tsavo river in uganda . he is having immensely stereotypical problems : the natives are restless , his boss is a jerk , and now two man-eating lions are stalking the work camp and killing people off . patterson tries to handle the situation himself , incompetently , and then turns to charles remington ( michael douglas ) , a hunter of world reknown ( or something like that ) . the movie stacks the deck so heavily in favor of the lions , they should have gotten top billing and co-starred with siegfried and roy . they are nigh-invulnerable , as one comic book put it , and this is of course just the excuse the movie needs to have one native after another stepping forth to solmenly recite lines about the power of nature . give me a break . the movie hasn't got the wherewithal to even begin to exploit such ideas ; it's just trying to find convenient ways to stall us . even the lion hunts themselves are idiotic . get this : remington's big plan is to build a large scaffold-like structure in the middle of the savannah , sit on it , and wait for the lion to show up . he does this , and then gets knocked off by a bird . by the end of the movie , the blood vessels in my palm were all broken open from me pounding my forehead with my hand . the acting is forgettable . douglas does a good job of portraying a relatively cracked fellow , but it's nothing he hasn't done before . kilmer looks like he wishes he were someone else , somewhere else , and the rest vanish into the cinematography . the camera , by the way , sometimes behaves so stupidly all by itself that most of the lion attacks are incoherent . what did i expect from this movie ? i dunno . some real excitement , i suppose . a sense that there were formidable forces on both sides of this equation . no such luck . i dug out my tattered copy of hemingway's " the short happy life of francis macomber " and read that to get the taste of this movie out of my mind .

while it was part of former yugoslavia , my country , croatia , used to be almost completely ignored by western films in general . words " croatia " and " croatians " were unheard , even in movies whose plots actually took place on croatian locations . the rare exception was the dogs of war , 1980 adaptation of frederick forsyth's bestselling novel , yet that rare occasion only added insult to the injury , by mentioning croatians in most unflattering context . in a single line they are referred as a bunch of mean people , probably terrorists , who happen to remove parts of arm dealers' stomachs when they are unsatisfied with the quality of merchandise . same line also illustrates the milieu where the movie takes place - dark and violent world of shady international deals with the blurred boundaries between business , politics and crime . the movie protagonist , shannon ( christopher walken ) is a mercenary who spent the best years of his life fighting numerous little wars all over the globe . his latest job is a intelligence mission for powerful mining corporation that demands information about political climate in west african nation of zangaro . shannon arrives in that country only to find oppressive regime of president kimba , bloodthirsty madman whose brutality crushed any opposition and scared almost any westerners away . after being arrested and tortured by kimba's secret police , shannon leaves country with a help of british journalist north ( colin blakely ) . upon return , he is approached by mining company again , but this time they want him to plan and execute the coup d'etat against kimba . shannon reluctantly agrees and assembles small group of his surviving mercenary friends who begin meticulous preparation for another small war . thing that separates the dogs of war from conventional action movies , especially those made in 1980s , is its authenticity , almost close to documentary . it shouldn't surprise anyone , because the author of the novel , frederick forsyth , made reputation by blending fiction with real life , thus creating interesting , exciting yet very believable plots for his books . those plots were also responsible for few very successful 1970s thrillers , and one of them , zinnemman's the day of the jackal , is now considered a classic in that genre . this one deals with soldiers of fortune , ancient tradition that was resurrected in great turmoil of 1960s and 1970s and filled the void left by vanishing colonial empires . unlike wild geese , that used it as a pretext for conventional action adventure , script by george malko and gary de vore ( author whose death last year became real life mystery ) is serious , and instead of action puts emphasis on characters and prosaic details of their work . the movie doesn't try to romanticise the mercenary profession nor glorify mercenaries as some kind of superheroes ; they are simply shown as deadly yet expendable tool of powerful forces with questionable agenda . christopher walken played in many movies , yet very rarely we can see him in a leading role . his performance in this film perhaps isn't breathtaking , yet adequate . his notoriously expressionless face is perfect illustration of the disillusioned , world- weary man whose alienation from the " normal " way of life becomes complete and only remaining ideal is loyalty to the shrinking circle of friends . although the movie doesn't lack capable actors , their roles are miniature compared with walken's , and only colin blakely as cynical reporter has opportunity to portray his character . however , those who look familiar faces would find them plenty in the dogs of war - tom berenger , paul freeman , jo beth williams , victoria tennant ( in brief cameo ) , and biggest surprise is ed o'neill ( of married with children fame ) as shannon's reluctant colleague . this was the first major production for john irvin , and it shows why he earned the reputation of capable , yet second class director . with the good script he can make very good movie , with the bad script he can make real mess . luckily , the dogs of war had a good script . irvin's direction was very ascetic and it gave the movie almost documentary feel . the only distraction is dramatic music of geoffrey burgon , used on the wrong places . in the final battle scene , where we can see mercenaries at work , irvin shows us that modern warfare means superior firepower and tactics , unlike 1980s ramboesque fantasies that rely on macho superheroes . unfortunately , by making battle realistic irvin made it somewhat less attractive and his sloppy editing also didn't help . but , despite those shortcomings , this movie remains interesting and rare combination of action thriller and gritty , realistic political drama .

if the 70's nostalgia didn't make you feel old , the 80's nostalgia is bound to . one of the latter set , " the wedding singer , " seems to be written by someone who did not experience the 1980's directly but only read about them in an article in parade magazine . the wacky fashions are here . . . and the music . . . and references aplenty to celebrities and signs of the times , but it all seems tediously-and too obviously-inserted for the didn't-we-dress-funny-back-then chuckle . the plot is standard romantic comedy with nothing original : robbie ( adam sandler ) is a wedding singer ; julia ( drew barrymore ) waits tables at weddings . both are engaged ; however , robbie's fiance ( angela featherstone ) dumps him at the altar , and julia's fiance ( matthew glave ) is a skirt-chasing speculator in junk bonds . robbie and julia go through the expected ups-and-downs as they realize they were meant to be together . i'll fess up-i've never found adam sandler funny . whatever his appeal is , i've missed it . ( other comedians i don't get include pauly shore and pee wee herman-make your own judgments ) . the stupidity and artificiality of the whole project is summarized in a cameo by billy idol as himself . idol looks like hell , and the ravages of his lifestyle are barely concealed by thick makeup . he's mocked by a photo of his younger self on a rolling stone cover in the same scene . we're not supposed to notice that , and we're not supposed to notice how silly it is that billy idol suddenly appears to play fairy godmother to robbie . other cameos , by steve buscemi and jon lovitz , provide the only real laughs in the movie . lovitz is especially good , playing a rival wedding singer plotting with the mania of a bond villain to take advantage of robbie's post-break-up depression .

in 1989 , director edward zwick began his career with the powerful civil war drama , " glory , " but since then , he has made continuous disappointments , to me at least , with 1994's " legends of the fall , " and 1996's " courage under fire . " those two films weren't bad , just not very good , but with zwick's latest film , " the siege , " he has finally made one . " the siege , " is a modern-day action-thriller that focuses on terrorism that is sweeping through new york city . investigating the matter is fbi agents anthony hubbard ( denzel washington ) and frank haddad ( tony shalhoub ) , who are first hit by the ordeal when a city bus explodes with several innocent people on it . later , a bomb goes off in a broadway theater , killing even more . they soon meet cia operative elise kraft ( annette bening ) , who may very well hold the key to the identity of the arab terrorist . there are some movies that simply don't need to be made , and , " the siege " may very well be one of them . oh , sure , zwick thinks he is making a " meaningful " action film , since he has added lots of exposition scenes in which the audience is basically lectured on the horrors of terrorism , but what he really has made is actually no more substantial than , say , " die hard , " which also starred bruce willis . this time , willis is horribly wasted as a general of the u . s . army , who puts a state of martial law over nyc during the climax . whatever points , " the siege , " earnestly tried to make , were obviously lost in the translation from page to screen , or maybe , zwick never really had anything serious to say in the first place . the role of the arab community is offensively stereotypical , just as women were in the recent , " john caprenter's vampires , " by placing them all in the category of " bad guys . " " the siege , " contains three fine actors---washington , bening , and shalhoub---but washington is stuck with a character that contains not an ounce of even remote development . bening has slightly more to do , and has an intriguing character to work with , while shalhoub pretty much steals the show , even though , again , he has no real character . by the climax of , " the siege , " with washington giving a sermon to willis on the so-called " message " of the story , i felt like i had wandered into a sequel to , " on deadly ground , " in which steven seagal gave a 10-minute speech at the end about preserving the environment . " the siege " is constantly heavy-handed , not entertaining or insightful , and just goes to prove that not even the best actors can save a film that lacks a satisfactory screenplay .

i like movies with albert brooks , and i really like movies directed and written by albert brooks . lost in america and defending your life are two of my favorite comedies . his humor is of a kind that is not very prevalent in movies today , inundated as we are with films which revel in their aim toward the lowest common denominator . you will rarely see any slapstick in an albert brooks film , while the dialog will not be as oppressive as in some of the independent " talk films " which are finding their way into theaters . the situations in which his characters find themselves are ones we can often identify with , but even if we can't , brooks has the talent to make them comfortable , and therefore we laugh . teenagers and jim carrey fans probably won't find an albert brooks movie very funny , but people who look for more than what we could find on television probably will . put simply , brooks' comedy is intelligent . mother is albert brooks' latest film , and it does not disappoint . brooks plays john henderson , a middle-aged science fiction writer just coming off his second divorce . he makes an attempt at dating , but fails miserably . he then has dinner with his brother jeff ( rob morrow ) , a successful sports agent who seems to live the ideal life . jeff has a good job , a loving family , and most of all , a warm relationship with their mother beatrice ( debbie reynolds ) . after dinner , john witnesses a telephone conversation between jeff and beatrice , and is at the same time amazed and sickened by how hunky-dory the dialog is . in comparison , beatrice always hints at a fault in john and his career every time she talks with him , and john gives it right back to her . at the end of one of their conversations where beatrice has just picked apart john's life , she says , " i love you , " and john replies with , " i know you think you do . " the thing is , beatrice is not overt with her criticisms , but instead gives them in that mothering way which is tantamount to nit-picking and guilt loading . it's the kind that goes something like , " yes , dear , i think you do that wonderfully , but . . . . " it seems as though nothing he does makes her happy . there's always the big but . john believes that his mother is somehow connected to his failed relationships with women , either because of his flawed self-esteem caused by his need for validation , or perhaps because he tends to unconsciously seek out women who remind him of his mother in an oedipal manner . he comes to the conclusion that since his problems are rooted in his boyhood home , he should move back in with his mother for a while just to see what kinds of feelings come out , and by that be able to sort out why his life is the way it is . " a great experiment " , he calls it . brooks' own brand of humor really shines in this film , especially in the interaction john has with his mother . there's a scene where john has just arrived at his mother's house , and after having driven from los angeles to sausalito , and having explained to his mother about the " great experiment " , beatrice asks , " now explain to me again why you don't want to stay at a hotel . " she still doesn't get it , and it is absolutely hilarious . in the same scene , we get little glances at the life his mother leads when she tries to feed him food that is no longer fresh . she apparently buys in great quantities and refrigerates it until the lettuce is wilted and the sherbet is iced over . when john points out the ice on the sherbet , beatrice tells him not to worry about the protective glaze . " you've named the ice ? " asks john . he's also surprised at the variety of items beatrice keeps in the refrigerator , such as a twenty-pound block of cheese . " the freezer was a good invention , " says john , " but it's not supposed to be used for everything . that's why it's smaller than the refrigerator . " it's something most of us find strangely familiar . brooks is also a master at employing the non sequitur . for example , in defending your life , his and meryl streep's characters are in a comedy club having a discussion . when they're finished and walk out , brooks cuts to the comic on stage who is just at the point of delivering his punch line , " and so the moral is , if you have to fart , go outside ! " you don't know what the joke was because you couldn't hear him during the entire scene , but i must have laughed for the next five minutes , it seemed so out of context . in this film , brooks uses the same trick a couple of times to open or close a scene . i don't want to give them away , but suffice it to say they work just as well as they have in the past . john's purpose for staying with his mother is to learn , and we as the audience learn right along with him . his mother is not the fascinating type to begin with , but as john spends more time with her , we learn things about her personality and her lifestyle that give her depth . watching the character of beatrice unfold is every bit as enjoyable as the humor that accompanies it each step of the way . on screen , brooks does an excellent job playing this kind of character : you get the feeling he often believes he is the only sane person in an insane world . in a way , he's very much like yosarian of catch-22 , expect with something of an attitude . casting debbie reynolds as beatrice is perfect . she assumes the part with ease , even moving and speaking a little slowly , and is just so adorable it's hard to get mad at her character . this only helps the audience to share the frustration john feels when dealing with her . as his first choice , brooks originally wanted to lure nancy reagan out from her acting retirement to play beatrice , but the former actress and first lady could not leave her husband , who was beginning to show symptoms of alzheimer's disease . that may be just as well , since reynolds lends a softness to the character which enhances it immensely . rob morrow also does a good job at playing the younger brother who has always been mother's favorite and , for all his success in his job and family , is slowly exposed as a mama's boy . the only things that hold this movie back from being better are a couple of plot holes . a solid connection is not really made between john's troubles and his reasons for living with his mother . additionally , the end results of the experiment do not necessarily jibe with the stated goals , and although this may have been sloppy screenwriting , how can you be mad at the guy who also wrote this ? : beatrice : you must think i'm some kind of moron . john : no , i think your someone who thinks i'm a moron . beatrice : well , it takes one to know one .

nicolas cage comes up with an ingenious survival mechanism for his role in the wink-and-a-concussive-nudge bombast-o-rama con air . the opening credits sequence introduces us to cage as cameron poe , a gulf war veteran convicted of manslaughter and serving eight years in prison after an ill-fated bar-room brawl . the prison scenes are accompanied by voice-overs in which poe , in a languid southern drawl , describes prison life to his wife back home and offers simple homilies for the daughter he has never met . if the scene gives you a tickle of familiarity , it probably should . cage appears to realize that con air is going to be utterly dim-witted and ridiculous , and that he's going to have to do something to keep himself entertained . and thus he slips into a familiar , surreal role as his own commentary on the proceedings -- cage plays cameron poe as a buffed-up version of raising arizona's h . i . mcdonnough . cage should have known what he was getting himself into . he got a paycheck from jerry bruckheimer last year for the rock , and if there's one thing you can count on from a bruckheimer production ( even without his late partner don simpson ) , it's that you can count on seeing everything you saw in the _last_ bruckheimer production . the critical difference between the rock and con air is cage's performance . in the rock , cage appeared to be having the time of his life jumping into the action fray for the first time . that sense of discovery has been replaced by a wry self-awareness . while the plot of con air finds poe a parolee on board a hijacked prison transport plane whose goal is just to get home , cage's goal is different but just as simple : to get out of the film with some measure of dignity intact . audiences , too , should know what they're getting themselves into with a bruckheimer production . in fact , the marketing people are counting on it . no one who loathed the rock for its swear-grunt-blast repetitiveness will be converted by con air ; no one who loved the rock for exactly the same reasons will be dissuaded . director simon west ( yet another tv commercial auteur plucked by bruckheimer from the advertising equivalent of the schwab's soda fountain ) delivers exactly the kind of adrenaline/testosterone cocktail which could launch an endocrinology lecture ( it's perversely appropriate that one sympathetic con spends most of the flight nearing a diabetic coma ; like insulin , con air does the work of a gland ) . what he doesn't deliver is a moment of suspense . a bruckheimer film has no use for hitchcock's notion that showing you the bomb under the desk creates a more interesting scene than just blowing up the desk ; a really , _really_ big desk and a really , _really_ big bomb will serve the purpose nicely . if either west or bruckheimer were interested in genuine tension , they might have done something with con air's creepiest set-up . at a desert stop for the plane-load of convicts , serial killer garland greene ( steve buscemi ) wanders of into a trailer park where he meets a little girl having a tea party in a drained swimming pool . their tete-a-tete is eerie and menacing , providing a welcome shift in tone and giving buscemi a chance to stand out in a cast with too many villains ( danny trejo , ving rhames and a characteristically reptilian john malkovich among them ) . in fact , con air usually opts for too much of something when the tiniest measure of restraint would have been an improvement -- too many characters , too much editing , too many dopey punch lines , too much of the cheap , ugly appeals to machismo which characterize too many bruckheimer efforts . it is that kind of exhausting excess to which cage is responding with his detached performance . while malkovich goes for the outrageous and john cusack ( as a u . s . marshal ) goes for earnest , cage looks like he just wants to go to sleep . his recycled raising arizona performance is a means of escape , his chase after a stuffed bunny a continuation of his pursuit of that big box of huggies . it doesn't bode well for cage's appearance in face/off later this month ; perhaps he already realizes that all he can do in action films is more of the same over and over . there's a word for people like you , nicolas . that word is called recidivist . . . repeat offender .

the stereotypical american male has an undeniable fetishistic love of sports cars . producer jerry bruckheimer plays upon that attraction with a movie so loaded with testosterone and laced titillatingly with shot after frenetic shot of powerful muscle cars , sleek foreign road huggers and iconic speed machines that many males will leave the theater in an orgasmic haze . gone is 60 seconds is an orgy of maleness gone horribly awry . cage is legendary retired car thief , memphis raines ( don't you love cute movie names ) , who must call upon his time worn skills to save his thick-headed brother ( ribisi ) from being killed . seems a murderous crime boss ( eccleston ) with a fetish for wood ( insert your own joke ) hired brother kip to steal a ridiculous amount of expensive , exotic autos . fifty cars , to be exact . poor kip screws the pooch and bungles the job badly . if the cars aren't delivered in three days , bossman has a casket carved out just for kip . literally . if only someone could save him . hmmmm . . wonder what memphis is doing ? in order to give the film some emotional heft , there are several subplots designed to tug at our heartstrings or give us the thrill of . . . yawn , excuse me , dramatic tension . shadowing memphis is an old law enforcement foe ( lindo ) who's looking to send memphis away . will he catch him ? there's old flame sway ( jolie ) , who had her heart broken by memphis years ago . will they get back together ? shortsighted , thrill seeker kip idolizes his brother , yet resents him for moving away from the family . will they reconnect ? raines old mentor ( duvall ) has long since left the life of crime . will memphis get him finally caught as he pulls him back into the life , one more time ? can you answer all these questions correctly in 2 seconds without seeing the film first ? i'll bet you can . following the opening credits , which fill you in on the accomplishments of the raines family through a montage of old photos , we was taken full throttle into the splendor that is memphis . he's first shown living the good life teaching young children to drive go-carts . in a later scene , as misfit brother kip knowingly tells memphis he has the stolen car situation under control , all the while making breakfast , a metaphor is made of shakespearean proportions . just as a pan of grease flares up with kip clueless to how to quell it , big brother memphis calmly and efficiently throws some salt on it . looks like everything might turn out alright after all . you know this because the music swells on the crest of violins . that's about as strong as the characterization gets , which is a shame . bruckheimer has a real talent for loading his movies with an obscene amount of talent given the task at hand . monumentally underused jolie portrays an empty headed sexpot whose idea of sex revolves around cars and memphis . or maybe it's just the cars . duvall trots out his ornery , but sweet old codger outfit . i'm sure he's still laughing at taking a paycheck for this one . lindo projects a warm hearted , but tightly focused detective that almost transcends the material . the biggest waste of resources is vinnie jones , who plays a mute accomplice of memphis . without saying a word , he is easily the most charismatic person in the movie . like a blast of nitrous oxide , he attacks each scene with a straightforward zeal . too bad his minutes onscreen are so few . somehow , bruckheimer manages to attract top hollywood acting talent to high concept , poorly written movies , gussies up the film with lots of gold hues and pleasingly stylized action and they sell like proverbial hotcakes . every time something clever happens it's counterbalanced by something so overtly wrong that it jerks you back into realizing you're watching a movie . there's a innovative usage of black lighting that goes from being a novelty to a part of the plot . it's counterbalanced by an extremely feeble attempt at humor by having an asian american repeatedly failing a driver's test . imagine the yuks . there's a segment where one of the thieves shows another his cool fake fingerprint trick . it's countered by the lame semi-subplot of a car being stolen with a bunch of heroin in the trunk . the ramifications are never explored . then there's the ridiculousness of the many cops who actually shoot at fleeing cars . not only is it stupid , but it's against the law . this is a movie made of pretty , but tepid car chases strung together by just enough character interaction to move the plot along . gone in 60 seconds aptly describes how long it'll take for this marginally entertaining , but empty film to leave your memory .

city of angels is the kind of love story that i enjoy the most : thought-provoking , moving , and completely unsentimental . i find it interesting that this film has been released the same day as my giant , which is a film that is undone completely by its wretched sentimentality . city of angels is a wonderful film , enhanced by interesting and well-rounded characters and some of the most immersive imagery of the last couple of years . it's a love story that takes the familiar angel themes and makes them new and necessary to the story , and avoids most of the cliches we're so used to seeing in films like this . city of angels is an apparently loose remake of wim wenders' 1988 film wings of desire . i have yet to see wings of desire , so i am , unfortunately , unable to make a comparison of the two . i have heard , however , that city of angels is dissimilar from the original in numerous ways , which makes me glad that this film isn't a rip-off of its source material . nicolas cage stars as seth , an angel who , like all of his angel counterparts , is present to lead the dying to heaven ( or somewhere just like it ) . one day , he is forced to take the life of a patient of dr . maggie rice ( meg ryan ) , and his attention is called to her . the angels can make themselves seen to humans , but they can't experience any of the senses ( most importantly , touch ) . he shows himself to maggie , and she falls for him , unaware that he is slightly unavailable because of his apparition status . seth wants to become human so he can feel her . that's when he meets nathaniel messinger ( dennis franz ) , " former celestial messenger and recent addition to the human race . " ( as a side note , i found messinger to be the most fascinating character , for i can only imagine how incredibly liberating it must be to live knowing what lies beyond death . ) messinger explains to seth that it is possible for angels to become human . seth manages to convince maggie that he is an angel ( i know , it sounds ridiculous , but the scene in which she finds out is exceptionally well-done ) ; after much deliberation , she tells him that she could only be with a man who can feel . this , of course , is when seth decides to take the plunge ( literally ) from a building ; when he wakes up from the fall , he is human , and happy to feel what it's like to have a split lip and blood oozing from his forehead . since i love this film so much , i'll make a minor note that it certainly isn't perfect . although it is original and mesmerizing , it does fall prey to a few of the cliches of the genre . the plotting of the story by writer dawn steel is rather formulaic ( though the details are what make the story excellent , and steel has done a great job with them ) . the ending , too , could have been more powerful and less predictable . these elements are minor , though , and barely detracted from my overall enjoyment of city of angels . the acting is superb from everyone involved . this is perhaps my second-favorite performance from cage ( my favorite being the rock ) . he's quiet and pensive , and his eyes are engaging when he speaks his softly-toned words . he's perfect for a role like this , and at the same time he reassures us he's not bound by playing the psycho ( though he is good at it , as he shows in face/off ) . meg ryan is a powerful , enticing , and appealingly-chirpy actress , and her work here is some of her best . dennis franz , however , steals all of his scenes as the energetic former-angel . what i admire most about city of angels is its overall presentation . director brad silberling is a talented man , and he knows that a story like this is driven by the characters , rather than forced sentimentality . his direction is steady , and he shows this in just about every scene : near the beginning , maggie has to tell a mother and her two children that their father is dead . there is no music or elaborate camera work ; we simply see the reactions of the characters to the information . this is the way stories should be told , and the strength of scenes resonates more completely when the emotions are real . the film also appeals to the senses in a way that few love stories do . cinematographer john seale ( the english patient ) provides some of the most stunning images i've seen on the big screen : hundreds of black-clad angels stand on a dim beach in the early morning hours ( just as an example ) . the music , by gabriel yared ( also of the english patient ) , is perfect for this film : it's quiet and moody music ( but not sentimental ! ) , and adds to the atmosphere and tone nicely . the visual presentation of city of angels is easily the best of 1998 so far . all of this adds up to a film that is instantly set apart from other members of this genre . it's a film that relies on character development and imagery to get the story across--the excellent actors and the professional production values make city of angels one of those rare films that both entertains and instigates thought simultaneously .

with more and more television shows having gay characters , and even the infamous " ellen " sitcom being centered on the life of a lesbian , the movie industry too seems to be gaining more and more homosexual based plot lines . the birdcage was critically acclaimed , as was this years chasing amy . then along came in & out , and all three of these films are on my top ten list for the years in which they were released . it's also noticeable that this " alternative lifestyle " becomes less and less taboo as the years go by , and it seems that using comedy as a medium is proving a worthwhile effort . while it's a very serious issue to many , it is the comedies that people are flocking to see and that are gaining notoriety . but the way we're using comedy to present homosexuality is also changing quite dramatically . while the gay community was once very stereotyped and used to laugh * at * , it is more and more becoming something we laugh * with * , and when a movie like in & out comes along , it is something that both heterosexuals and homosexuals should be able to thoroughly enjoy . it doesn't poke fun at the lifestyle , it simply uses it to all it's comedic capacity , just as love , sex , marriage , birth , death , and anything else has been . the idea for in & out was born the day tom hanks won his oscar for portraying an aids-afflicted gay man in philadelphia . if you remember , during his acceptance speech , hanks gave a highly emotional tribute to the gay community , and even sighted a former gay teacher of his as a major inspiration in his life . it's a serious and touchy subject , but producer scott rudin viewed it as the setting for a potentially hilarious comedy , and pitched it to screenwriter paul rudnick . it's true that if this same film had been written by a heterosexual , it may have been more controversial , but because it was written by an openly gay writer , the prerogative was set . kevin kline , who only seems to become more and more acclaimed , stars as howard brackett , a high school english teacher in the small , picturesque town of greenleaf , indiana . after a three-year engagement to fellow teacher emily montgomery ( joan cusack ) , a wedding date has been set , and the hubbub surrounding it is almost as big as that surrounding another huge story - greenleaf high graduate cameron drake ( matt dillon ) is up for a best actor oscar . the small town eagerly awaits both events , and both seem quite astronomical , but little does anyone know how much one will affect the other . when cameron drake is announced the winner , the excitement is heightened as he pays tribute to his high school english teacher , mr . brackett . everyone is cheering back in greenleaf - that is until cameron tacks on those three calamitous words , " and he's gay . " the town becomes silent as the entire population joins in a simultaneous jaw drop . the thing is , nobody , including howard , can understand how cameron came to that conclusion , and such wild and unexpected news can only wreak havoc in such a conservative american haven such as greenleaf . naturally the questions pour from howard's fiancee , parents ( debbie reynolds & wilford brimley ) , students , and the high school's principal , tom halliwell ( bob newhart ) , and the evidence starts to become more and more obvious : howard is clean , neat , honest , sincere , a romantic , and perhaps the most incriminating fact , he loves barbara streisand . the frenzy isn't helped any when camera crews from every conceivable news magazine and " entertainment tonight " wannabe show up at greenleaf high the very next morning . one particular reporter is peter malloy ( tom selleck ) of " inside entertainment " , who unlike the collage of other reporters , wants to spend a whole week in the life of howard brackett , including coverage of his wedding . the intrusion is all but welcome by howard , who is going more and more out of his mind with each passing minute . it seems that no matter where he turns , a camera is being shoved in his face and questions regarding homosexuality are being tossed to him like frisbees . the dominoes begin to tumble as howard's closest friends begin acting different and principal halliwell hints at a possible termination of employment should howard indeed be gay . it all sounds very devastating , and it would be if it weren't presented with near-perfection by one of this year's most delightful ensemble casts . kline seems only to improve with age , and he is downright perfect here . the great thing about this film is that every single character has a moment to shine , and they use it wonderfully . every single actor turns in one of their best performances ever . dillon has never been so likeable , cusack has never seemed so perfect for a role , and brimley , reynolds , and newhart all provide huge laughs when they're up to bat . rudnick's script is heavily laced with wit and humor , and you'll likely find yourself laughing out loud for a solid ninety minutes . while in & out doesn't carry enough to give it four stars , it remains one of the best done films of the year , all-around . the script is exuberant , the actors are absolutely top- notch , and we're allowed just the perfect blend of heart-tugging so as not to bog down the laughs . it remains a solid comedy throughout its entirety , yet we're still allowed a sappily touching ending . despite it's subject matter , and one scene that comes almost too close for comfort on explaining gay sex , this is a movie that everyone could , and should , enjoy . frank oz , best known as a voice talent for muppets , directs this film quite delightfully , using all the potential rudnick's script has to offer , which turns out to be quite a bit . check this one out . you'll have a gay old time .

if there were a subject just screaming to be made into a film , it was studio 54 , the late steve rubell's infamous new york discotheque , which came to symbolize the taboo-smashing excesses of the disco era's heyday : easy drugs and even easier sex between everyone , all set to a thumping dance beat . so when miramax started production on _54_ last year , the buzz of hype and resulting anticipation began : an edgy film as down-and-dirty as the club itself , written and directed by a promising first-timer ( mark christopher ) and starring some hot young talent ( salma hayek , neve campbell , newcomer ryan phillippe , and mike myers in his dramatic debut ) . my , how easily does the worm turn . hype turned into damage control when word got out about 11th-hour reshoots ( wrapped only a month ago ) , a rash of studio-imposed edits that left virtually the entire cast and crew ( especially christopher ) unhappy , and the very likely possibility that miramax would not screen the finished film for critics . at the last minute , though , miramax did decide to screen the film ( so hastily scheduled was the screening that myers's last name was misspelled on the invitation , not to mention the numerous typos in the press notes ) for a media audience that came away noticeably less than impressed , myself included . and with good reason--somehow , some way , the supremely disappointing _54_ has made the historically hip haven of hedonism . . . boring . although christopher has distanced himself from the finished film , he still must shoulder some of the blame for _54_'s lifelessness . _54_ focuses , for the most part , on a tight-knit trio of employees at the club : coat check girl/aspiring disco diva anita ( a wasted hayek ) ; her busboy husband , greg ( breckin meyer ) ; and , most prominently , the fresh-from-jersey shane o'shea ( phillippe ) , who enjoys a quick rise from busboy to head bartender . these characters are about as generic as those descriptions . in focusing on the hired help , christopher really missed the boat . with the exception of the flamboyant , always-woozy rubell ( myers , in a well-modulated turn ) , the meaty stories to be told at studio 54 are not the workers' but those of the people who went there to party ; not necessarily the numerous vip guests , but the wild eccentrics who managed to be picked from the crowd by the club's famously hard-ass doormen and dance ( among other things ) the night away with the rich , famous , and infamous ( the only taste of the crowd comes by way of ellen dow's feisty dottie , a disco- and drug-crazed granny , but she's a peripheral character at best ) . as such , aside from the expected overhead crowd shots , there is precious little actual _dancing_ in _54_ . what is a disco film--especially one about the pinnacle of the movement--without the dancing ? even whit stillman's _the_last_days_of_disco_ , which wasn't so much concerned with disco as it was witty dialogue within a group of hip-to-only-themselves club-hopping preppies , featured at least one extended dance scene . dancing isn't the only thing glazed over in _54_--so is the sex , but that may not be entirely christopher's fault . from what i've heard , his original vision was something considerably more dark and daring , starting with the shane character : he was conceived ( and actually filmed ) as a wild , morally ambiguous bisexual , which would have made an efficient springboard to cover the pansexual pleasure palace aspect of studio 54's legend . but somewhere between principal photography and the final cut , shane was defanged and quite literally straightened out ; consequently , so was the film . aside from a brief glimpse of erotic encounters toward the beginning of the film , shane's fleeting dalliance with seductive socialite billie ( sela ward ) , and an abbreviated bedhopping montage , the sexual dimension is just about ignored . shane , in this incarnation , is sanitized to the point of blandness , an idealistic do-gooder who pines for a frequent guest at the club , julie black ( campbell ) , a worldly soap star with , yes , a heart of gold . this tacked-on " romance " would have been slightly less tedious if either campbell or phillippe made some connection with each other or the audience . they fail on both counts . ultimately , _54_'s failure comes down to three letters : f-u-n . as in , there isn't any to be had for the audience . too much time is spent with the boring shane , and too little is spent on the club floor , where all the action took place . anyhow , though , whatever time is spent on the 54 floor is not used very effectively . when anita finally gets her big break and perform onstage at the club , it should be a euphoric height , for her , the crowd , and the audience ; however , the moment doesn't get a chance to reach that level , for it is cut short by a moment of forced sentimentality , which also mars the film's conclusion ( one of the last-minute reshoots ) . strangely upbeat and wistful , the resolution is wholly unconvincing and unsatisfying . there is an interesting portrait of studio 54 out there--two of them , in fact--but _54_ is not one of them . they're on cable tv : a couple of documentaries produced by e ! and vh1 . these two fascinating looks at the club and all the sordid goings-on within it show that there's still a great disco movie to be made . the problem is , after the critical and certain box office failure of _54_ , the subject may have run its hollywood course .

capsule : the weakest and least engaging of the alien movies , dragged down by an uninvolving story and no real tension . alien 3 ( the " 3 " should be in superscript ) is a sad and wan entry in what was shaping up as one of the best sf sagas ever put on screen . it continues the story of ripley , the space-trucker-turned-impromptu-survivalist , but seems remarkably uninterested in her . in fact , the movie seems lucky to be interested in anything at all , it's so elegaic and limp . a little of this would have been nice for atmosphere , but the movie telegraphs its own tragedy from the beginning . at the end of the last film ( aliens ) , ripley and two survivors were on their way home . unfortunately , an alien pod had been deposited in their ship , and wound up triggering off their ejection in an escape pod . the pod crashes on firorina 161 , a prison planet designed to house the incurably criminally violent . ripley lives through the crash ; the others do not . the prison is a grim place , even as prisons go -- it's been built around the remnants of an abandoned steelworks , which provides no end of techno-gothic backdrops for the actors to be backlit against . lice are endemic , and so ripley's head is shaved ( another surreal touch ) . at first it looks like she just has to hold out as an unwelcome guest until a company rescue ship can arrive , but it doesn't stay that way . one of the other eggs on board the wrecked escape pod hatches , and soon a newly-gestated alien is running amuck . worse , it looks like ripley herself has been impregnated . what's weird is how little tension this generates , except near the end , when the pressure is being troweled on through every cheap cinematic form of cheating imaginable : loud music , shaky camerawork , etc . sigourney weaver has become comfortable with the role , and she does well with it , but this time the role has been underwritten and left slack . the supporting actors are also not given a lot to do : the doctor ( charles dance ) and another , rather religious inmate ( charles s . dutton , very good ) , hiave presence , but they're not asked to do anything with it . in light of the impending sequel , which apparently plays fast and loose with the ending of this movie , i will not talk about the ending -- except to say that they found a remarkably good ending for such a drab movie . it's strange that some of the desperate and improvisational thinking that they found to wind up this story couldn't have driven the rest of it .

gere , willis , poitier chase each other around the world the jackal a film review by michael redman copyright 1997 by michael redman when the soviet union imploded , the western countries lost their shadow . with the united states friendly with the russians , we no longer had an entity to blame for the world's problems . this showed up in hollywood films as the communist government was no longer the easy bad guy . it's time to rejoice because we've found our new villain . now it's no longer the russian government who sends killers out into foreign lands , it's the russian _mafia_ . a perfect solution , it combines the dread of organized crime and the still-present uneasiness with the former eastern block countries . best of all , the villains are still foreigners : fear of the other always plays best . so it is a crime lord in moscow that sends legendary hitman the jackal ( bruce willis ) to assassinate a highly placed us government figure in retaliation for the death of his brother during a nightclub raid . the fbi is at a loss as to how to protect the target from someone they're not sure even exists . coming to their rescue is former ira operative declan mulqueen ( richard gere ) who is temporarily released from prison to assist fbi agent carter preston ( sidney poitier ) and russian major valentina koslova ( diane venora ) . mulqueen's ex-girlfriend basque terrorist isabella ( mathilda may ) is the only person who has seen the elusive jackal . ( presumably there is an exclusive international terrorist club somewhere where the three met . ) the film follows two parallel tracks as the jackal prepares for his $70 million hit and mulqueen attempts to locate him while preston makes sure that the irishman doesn't slip away . crossing numerous borders and donning various disguises for both himself and his mini-van , the killer is always one step ahead of his pursuers . being very loosely based on the same book the 1973 thriller " the day of the jackal " , comparison between the two films is inevitable . there is no doubt that the original is the better movie , playing the story for suspense rather than the current action/adventure . as a mystery , " the jackal " has enough holes in it to ruin the tale , but if you can accept it for what it is , there's entertainment to be had . holes ? let's see ? a pivotal clue for mulqueen is so obscure that he must possess psychic powers to pick it up . for a 20-year veteran that can command the big bucks , the jackal is an incredibly poor shot . the final scene between gere and willis occurs in a location that should be mobbed with police , but it's just the two of them . willis' disguises usually look like bruce willis and are just as interesting as val kilmer's in " the saint " . ( and lest you misunderstand , that's not a compliment . ) but the three stars are fun to watch . it's good to see gere in something other than a business suit . willis has a mixed history in picking projects , but his characters are always watchable . poitier is by far the superior actor , but has limited screen time . the problems in logic are flaws , but don't ruin the experience . occasionally there are movies that transcend their blemishes . this is one of them . [the appeared in the 11/20/97 " bloomington voice " , bloomington , indiana]

i wish more films would take on issues of faith and morality in the modern world . and i wish that film-makers would use commandments as a blueprint on how _not_ to do it . writer/director daniel taplitz has created a bizarre conglomeration of satire and soul-searching in this tale of seth warner ( aidan quinn ) , a man of faith who runs into a streak of bad luck which usually inspires country-western lyrics : his pregnant wife drowns , his home is destroyed by a tornado , he loses his job and his dog is crippled by a bolt of lightning . convinced that god has broken his half of the covenant , seth decides to break his , and sets out to turn every " thou shalt not " of the ten commandments into a " thou shalt " ( and vice versa ) . his wife's sister rachel ( " friends " ' courteney cox ) wants to help seth ; rachel's selfish husband harry ( anthony lapaglia ) , who tends to break a few commandments of his own , thinks seth is a lunatic . thus begins a film which picks the wrong tone for every occasion . taplitz isn't interested in treating seth's tragedies as genuinely tragic , making it impossible to sympathize with him . composer joseph vitarelli provides a score full of whimsical woodwinds , turning seth's sacrilegious mission into an amusing lark ; quinn's performance as seth is all wild-eyed fervor without any genuine pain . the actual breaking of the commandments is almost treated as an afterthought , with one through five dispatched in a five-minute montage . the result is a character whose actions feel less like the authentic responses of an anguished man than the machinations of a high-concept movie plot . it's not even entirely clear that commandments is about seth . corporate attorney rachel is given a case which is supposed to soften a hard heart we see no indication she has , while harry gets his comeuppance as part of seth's " false witness . " only courteney cox strikes a note of reality in a solid performance ; she is sane center around which too equally troubled men revolve . even she can't force taplitz to decide whose story this is , or what we should have learned about dealing with the struggles in our lives and our relationship with the infinite . by the time seth makes a singularly biblical reappearance late in the film , it has become clear that taplitz is aiming for a fantastical fable which makes no connection with real human experience . commandments is a bad comedy which could have been a decent drama if daniel taplitz had had the guts to take faith -- and the loss thereof -- at all seriously .

did you ever wonder if dennis rodman was actually from this planet ? or if sylvester stallone was some kind of weird extra-terrestrial ? i used to think that about my 7th grade english teacher , ms . carey . but after seeing this movie , they may have confirmed my suspicions . as the story goes , at any time , there are over a thousand aliens living among us here on earth . the men in black ( mib ) are the watchdogs that oversee the cosmic citizens , guardians of our beloved planet from nasty-tempered aliens , and secret service to the stars . based in new york city ( where weird is the norm ) , the mib organization gives human form to our space-faring emigrants so that they may walk and live among us unnoticed . but to enforce the laws of earth , the mib carry weapons that are powerful enough to meet or exceed destruction quotas in one single blast . they carry other-worldly technology to erase people's short-term memory when common folk see the mib in action . and their best leads on cosmic things-gone-awry are the supermarket tabloids . little do we know that there are much stronger battles of good v . evil going on in the depths of space . one of the aliens-as-human on this planet is an important diplomat that is carrying something very precious . it holds the 'key' , literally , to universal peace . a giant cockroach-like alien soon arrives on the planet and steals this 'key' . in the wrong alien hands ( flippers ? mandibles ? tentacles ? ) , it can be used as a weapon . therefore , it must be recovered and returned to it's rightful owners . otherwise , to ensure universal safety , earth will be destroyed , along with the 'key' . now , it's the mib who must prevent this catastrophe . the mib agents on the case are " k " , played by tommy lee jones . he is crustier than burnt toast and even more serious than al gore . the stars in the sky no longer spark wonder in his eyes . he is accompanied by a flippant rookie , " j " , played by will smith . but , despite this shoot-em-up , protect-earth-from-destruction premise , this is nothing at all like a typical summer action movie . and , this isn't an independence day knockoff . rather , this is a stylishly offbeat sci-fi comedy that pokes fun at what the government always denies ? that there are real aliens that live here , and that the government does its darndest to cover them up . but to give it some sense of excitement and to keep it within the parameters of the summer movie recipe , there must be some kind of earth-hangs-in-the-balance scenario . yet , this movie is very appealing . the abundance of wierdness ( talking aliens , pee-wee atomizers , a mortician who 'lives' for her work , and lots of yucky bugs and slime-splattering galore ) , is played straight , like as if this were normal ( of course , we are in nyc ) . it gives it a deadpan feel , which makes it all the more funnier and odder . jones plays the venerable seen-it-all agent with seriousness and maturity . smith is likeable and makes a great comic partner to jones' straight man routine . they click like dorothy's ruby red shoes . the look and feel of the movie is made even better with direction from barry sonnenfeld ( the addam's family ) . this guy has a knack for 'gothic' comedy , and successfully transfers his macabre sense of humor onto the screen . and , an appropriate dose of special effects helps to bolster the oddness of their task without diverting attention from the human actors . the story moves well , and before you know it , the end credits are already rolling ! the result is 100 minutes worth of fun in the form of ewwwws and blechhhs , aaaahhhs and wows . let the men in black protect and color your world .

the happy bastard's quick movie review holy man more like holy crap . the film stars eddie murphy as a mystical-ish figure named g on a strange journey of some sort when he comes across two network execs ( jeff goldblum and kelly preston ) with a flat tire on their hands . somehow he ends up in their car and on their channel , a line-up of infomercial programs featuring the likes of betty white , morgan fairchild , and a slew of other celebrities and nameless figures . it's here that he seems to hit his stride , speaking of life instead and somehow boosting sales . at this point in the movie , of course , morality comes into play , particularly on goldblum , who suddenly feels he can market the magical g into megabucks to get in good with his boss ( robert loggia ) . it doesn't take long for the movie to unfold into sappy mush , with realizations taking place left and right and poor plot points . only a real zippy sequence involving frying morgan fairchild's face seems to have any interest in the movie . murphy lends nothing to his character and poor goldblum looks as if he'd rather be someplace else . some may argue that the movie has a message , but all that came across to me is that i could probably get more entertainment watching that informercial with the guy in the question mark coat . at least he has something for us to laught at . . .

when i watch a movie like mike nichols' what planet are you from ? i can't help but feel like everyone is looking at me . it's as if all the audience is gazing at the back of my head in the darkness , eyes shooting daggers , quietly blaming me for the fact that they paid hard-earned money to spend their time watching this . . . this . . . thing . i shift uncomfortably in my seat . i'm reminded of how i feel when i see a pair of second- or third-rate celebrities engaging in a teleprompted " funny " conversation to introduce the next blockbuster award . it's not my fault , i know it's not my fault , but dammit , someone's gotta be embarrassed , because it doesn't look like anyone on the screen is ready to take the blame . i'm about to give you a list of names of people who are gonna make a movie together : garry shandling , annette bening , john goodman , greg kinnear , mike nichols . do any of these names make you instantly shudder ? the answer i would have come up with before today is no , this is quite a list of talented individuals we've got here . granted , john goodman was in the flintstones , and greg kinnear has turned in some less-than-lackluster leading man performances in certified failures like a smile like yours , but even so , they've got proven power as excellent supporting players . garry shandling has two television classics under his belt , his ingenious little it's garry shandling's show and the larry sanders show . and for god's sake , mike nichols directed the graduate , and annette bening is just walking away from american beauty . so explain this . . . this . . . thing . what planet are you from ? purports to be a comedy exploring the relationship between men and women satirizing the whole pop-psychology mars/venus phenomenon . but what this movie winds up being is a collection of unfunny cringe-inducing moments coupled with uninsightful cringe-inducing moments ; the end result is , unsurprisingly , an unfunny , uninsightful , cringe-inducing , thoroughly icky embarrassment . garry shandling plays an alien from a planet populated by technologically advanced but emotionally vacant males ( they reproduce through cloning , of course ) . his leaders put a select group of males through a series of tests designed to determine which one is most fit to fly off to earth , find a female of the species , and impregnate her . they're taught how to pretend that they're listening by nodding and saying " uh-huh , " and how to compliment shoes . imagine my delighted surprise when , oh heavens , all their carefully practiced tactics turn out to fail miserably , producing comedic results ! the lucky winner is fitted with a penis ( since theirs , after generations of disuse have long since shrunk out of existence . . . i will restrain myself from mentioning the implausibility of such a scenario since the population has stopped evolving due to the fact that they're all just clones . . . whoops , too late . ) the penis , when aroused , tends to make a humming noise . the writers , when frequently strapped for ideas , tend to turn to this as a source of " comedy . " it isn't funny the first time . it isn't funny the eighth time . it isn't funny the eighteenth time . if anything , it made me feel vaguely self-conscious . garry meets up with a coworker at a bank played by greg kinnear , who turns out to be a generic , unlikable scumbag . he's meant to fill the part of unfortunate role model for shandling's alien character , but he's so flatly drawn that even the writers quickly give up and toss him aside . kinnear's scumbagginess is demonstrated by the fact that he claims other peoples' work as his own to worm his way into a vice presidents' position and goes to aa meetings to pick up chicks . wow . what a magnificent bastard . nearly every man in the movie , in fact , is played as the same sort of sex-driven slimeball . when kinnear's wife walks into the office , there isn't a single guy who doesn't trip , bump into a wall , or otherwise pratfall as if they'd never seen a woman before . the few guys that aren't particularly slimeballs , such as john goodman's detective character , are simply uncommunicative workaholics . shandling meets up with annette bening , who will inevitably prove to be the love he never knew existed , at one of kinnear's aa meetings . shandling's mission is to have a baby , and when he reveals his desires to her , bening instantly falls for him , and the next day . . . they get married . yup . the next day . cuz ya see , it turns out she wants a baby too ! bening's character perhaps was the most difficult to watch , especially after seeing her come apart at the seams so effectively in american beauty . . . if her character here is supposed to be representing the female of the species as a whole , then woe , i say , to the species . she's unfathomably insecure , and succumbs so easily to all of shandling's lines and lies that it borders on tragic . there's a point where , after thinking she may not be able to bear children , she learns that she is indeed pregnant . when garry comes home after nearly cheating on her , she strolls into the kitchen and sings " high hopes " ( you know , the uplifting ant and the rubber tree plant song ) to deliver the news , and then says to him , " now you can't leave me . " we're supposed to empathize with shandling's discovery of the feeling of " guilt , " but instead i wanted to weep for bening that she was placing her entire life and soul firmly in the lap of a great big nothing . and eventually , shandling falls in love with her . . . for real , i suppose , though i'm not sure exactly what prompted it . what's the message i derive from all this ? men are liars , inherently empty creatures , but if you hang around long enough . . . well , maybe something will click . ha ha . . . ha ? i'm thankful such broad cynicism isn't frequently allowed to run so rampant . let's all join hands and pray that the planet these folks are from is not this one . there's also a subplot involving john goodman as an airline incident investigator that wades in the bog of stupidity . goodman , through a series of astoundingly implausible realizations , puts together the fact that shandling is a being from another world with a magic , vibrating penis . it has all the makings for a subplot of having shandling be discovered , that , thankfully , never comes to the inevitable hackneyed fruition . instead , it just dangles limply on the branch for a while , withers , and falls away . further proof that goodman should just stick to doing coen brothers movies . but let's not dwell on this any longer , i've already wasted plenty of your time and my own . let's move on , forget about what we've seen here , and get on with our lives . and to help us out , let's end things on a happy note . . . congratuations go out to annette bening , winner of this week's " title ! " award , for delivering the awkward line of dialog containing the movie's name .

five girls spend a day in a closed building doing inventory when a strange box gets delivered there ( is this starting to sound familiar ? ) by mistake . the girls accidentlly open the box ( big surprise , huh ! ) and release an evil spirit of a killer that kills the girls off one by one ( betcha didn't see that one coming ! ) . hard to die , i found out while watching the film , is a sequel to sorority house massacre 2 : nightie nightmare ( r . a . m . r . # 1521 ) . two of the actresses from sorority house massacre 2 are in this film , robyn harris and melissa moore , but they play different characters here . orville ketchum is also back as ( get ready for this ) orville ketchum ( yes , the same character from number two ) . yes , he is also built like a tank in this film too . i'm telling you , a nuclear bomb detonated next to this man wouldn't harm him at all ! the before mentioned three were the only actors from part two that i thought could act , well they seemed to have lost that ability . thankfully , for my sanity , i also saw the film warlock , which undid all the ill effects that i got from this film . the story for this film is completely ridiculous and has many elements from many cheapo low budget horror flicks . any good moments that this film fails to make are even more destroyed by the story line . the film is so pathetically predictable that every moment has already been figured out , analyzed , and discarded before it happens . there is no point in this film that any suspense is ever afoot . while we are on the subject of the story , the story also provides every chance it can to disrobe an actress . the film goes to the extent of putting a shower in the manager's office . i'm sorry folks but this is completely unnecessary , ridiculous , and hurts the story more ( if that is still possible ) . the script for this film is completely pathetic . the lines the actresses come out with are completely horrible . the only thing that i think could have happened is that the actors made up the script as they went along . here is an example of the wonderful dialog . the scene is two girls have just entered a gun store and have picked out a * really * big gun . the line is " my dad used to be a marine , i bet i can work it . " this line has got to be a contender for the bad line hall of infamy . now , we fast forward for a few minutes until just after a big plan ( ? ! ! ? ) has been presented . one comment from an actress is " not a lot of strategy involved , but i like it . " i'm afraid folks that this is about as good as they get . now lets talk about the great special effects for this film . this obviously wasn't a big concern of the film makers . the killing scenes are so obviously faked that they go to the point of threatening the viewer's intelligence . a girl gets hacked with a knife and enough blood comes out to do one friday the 13th movie . are we trying to see how unrealistic we can get ? the continuity department was obviously asleep ( along with the viewers ) when watching this film . in one shot , actress has cloths on , camera angle changes , actress seems to have lost clothing . very impressive trick ! the one ( half ? ) plus that this film has going for it , is that in many places it is unintentionally hilarious . the incompetence behind the film makes it incredibly funny , and so the viewer can get some enjoyment ( ? ! ! ? ) from the film . however , this doesn't make it worth the rental fee of over a penny . in the acting department , the only thing i can say is two thumbs squared and one head down . i would normally do a detailed paragraph on this topic , but there is no point here because there is nobody that i was impressed with in the least . oh well , win some , lose some .

it's rather strange too have two computer animated talking ant movies come out in a single year , but that is what disney and pixar animation ; s latest film represents . while a bugs life isn't nearly as deep as it's predecessor , dreamwork's antz , it is just as funny . a bug's life centers , appropriately , around the life of an ant , named flik . flik , cutely voiced by newsradio's david foley , hates sticking too tradition and attempts too find new ways of harvesting food and other task . when one of his inventions causes the offering too be completely lost , the leaders of the colony send him out on a mission too get him out of the way . the offering is food that a vile group of grasshoppers force the ants too harvest for them . the leader of the grasshoppers is hopper , who is fiendishly voiced by oscar winner kevin spacey . when the offering is lost hopper is very upset and he vows to return shortly too retrieve double the amount of food . when the leaders of the ant colony send flik out on his mission , they never dream he will be successful , they just hope they can get him out of the way so they can harvest the extra food . flik's mission is too hire some warrior bugs too fight off the grasshoppers when they return . instead flik accidentally hires circus performing bugs , who he mistakenly assumes are warriors . when he returns with the `warriors' , the town is ecstatic until they find out the truth about their heroes . a bug's life has animation that is simply stunning . the sheer uniqueness of the day to day bug life is very imaginative . together with the great voice acting , this film is the perfect holiday family film . its main weakness is that it couldn't beat antz to the theaters , making it seem like stale material .

the film " magnolia " can be compared to a simple flower as its title and movie poster suggests . the dozens of characters introduced and developed are like the petals on the flower . they all come from the same stem and as the flower begins to develop they grow farther and farther apart . the numerous characters in the film are all closely connected no matter how different they are from one another socially . from a humiliated but kind cop to an aging game show host , each one of these characters is suffering the same kind of pain . they are each seriously lonely and seek the perfect companion to end this loneliness . whether this companion is a distant family member or a spouse , each character begs for one and spends the whole film searching for the perfect one . " magnolia " is a clever , well thought out film from prodigy director-writer paul thomas anderson of " boogie nights " fame . the detailed character analyses and the powerful script make " magnolia " memorable . however , what really is impressive is that even though there are tons of characters in several unrelated stories , the film is never confusing . anderson's control over transitioning from one story to another story is masterful . he also knows exactly when to cut to another subplot since not one of " magnolia's " scenes drag on too long . any three hour film that does not deliver even one uninteresting scene is definitely worth recommending . from the fascinating beginning to the risky yet surprisingly satisfying ending the film just doesn't get boring . it is obvious that anderson put a lot of time into connecting each subplot . this is the ultimate game of six degrees of separation . every character is connected to every other character by at the most two degrees . for example , cop john c . reilly is connected to game show host phillip baker hall through hall's daughter melora walters who once went on a date with reilly . the fact that each character is so different from the others yet so similar shows that there are universal pains that all classes , races , and genders suffer . anderson's explanation to prove this point is both accurate and convincing . the only mistake anderson made in trying to connect his characters was by making his actors all sing an aimee mann song simultaneously . this was foolish not only because it was unbelievable and hilariously erroneous but also because it had a broadway musical feel to it and this movie is about as far apart from your typical broadway musical than you can get . the performances in " magnolia " are perfection . this is a classic example of flawless casting and flawless ensemble acting . anderson allows many of hollywood's best supporting actors to blossom at what they do best , character acting . all of the main characters in each story are perfect because they are able to reveal more emotions and attitudes in their brief time on the screen then most movie stars can do in a feature length film . worth noting is tom cruise , who stepped out of his usual superficial starring role and into a funny but depressing tour de force performance . he was probably noticed more than the other actors in the film by award givers because his role here is so much different and impressive than those in the past ( however any actor in this film could be nominated for best supporting actor without any complaints ) the only problem i had with the acting was that a few of the characters felt seriously edited down such as melinda dillon's character as phillip baker hall's wife . she seemed to be thrown in towards the end and i felt very little sympathy for her because i had not seen her enough earlier in the film . " magnolia " uses several effective metaphors to describe its characters . anderson has the talent to make the audience sympathetic towards numerous people in only a few hours . to see that anderson is able to perfectly portray this many different types of people shows that he has a keen sense of diversity . diversity is what makes a director successful for a long period of time . i predict a lot of diversity and success from anderson in the future .

after a stylistic detour with mrs . parker and the vicious circle ( which , despite its uncomfortable tone , was close to being a conventional movie ) , director alan rudolph has returned to his unique brand of film making with afterglow , a romantic black comedy about love , betrayal , and self-absorption . while these may not be the most unusual themes to fashion into a motion picture , rudolph's atypical approach to the characters and their situations makes for an intriguing , if not always pleasant , movie . it is said that rudolph is a polarizing director ? meaning that most viewers either love his work or hate it . until mrs . parker , i had not been overly impressed by his movies . i found equinox , his last pre- mrs . parker effort , to be irritating and frustrating . i was somewhat surprised , therefore , to discover that i liked afterglow . there are several reasons for this , but the paramount one is that rudolph seems to have muted some of the most strident , mannered aspects of his approach . the characters here are more like real people with genuine problems , the story is absorbing , and the acting is top-notch . in short , rudolph has created a world that it's worth spending two hours in . afterglow introduces us to two unhappily married couples . jeffrey byron ( jonny lee miller ) is a cold , seemingly-heartless businessman who is sexually indifferent to his young wife , marianne ( lara flynn boyle ) . for her part , marianne is so obsessed with having a baby that she never attempts to interact with her husband on a human level . all she's interested in is seducing him during those few days when she's ovulating . after he refuses to make love , she decides to find someone else to play the role of sperm donor . the other couple , lucky ( nick nolte ) and phyllis mann ( julie christie ) , are an older pair , but they're no more content than jeffrey and marianne . a mysterious fracture in their past relationship has driven them apart . they remain married as a matter of convenience , but , since phyllis won't allow lucky to touch her , they have an unspoken agreement whereby he can fool around as much as he wants provided that no lasting bond is established as a result of these affairs . the landscape of emotional pain between them is palpable . the four characters begin interacting when marianne hires lucky as a handyman to fix up the inside of the apartment she shares with jeffrey . the two of them are immediately attracted to one another , and it doesn't take long before they're lounging together , naked , in her pool . meanwhile , jeffrey , who is captivated by older women , runs into phyllis in a hotel bar , is smitten , and invites her to accompany him on a weekend retreat to the mountains . the romantic couplings of the characters are interesting in that they illustrate the multiple faces of love . sex means something different to everyone ? to jeffrey , it's an unpleasant chore , a loss of control ; to marianne , it's a means to a maternal end ; to lucky , it's an enjoyable distraction that blocks out his marital troubles ; and to phyllis , it's a method of establishing or denying emotional closeness . ultimately , none of these characters appears to love anyone else as much as they love themselves . the greatest strength of the film lies not in the script , but in the performances . jonny lee miller is perfect as the selfish , callous , suit-and-tie businessman . those who recall him as sickboy in trainspotting will find that he is almost unrecognizable here as the image of conformity . lara flynn boyle , who wasn't impressive in rudolph's equinox , is greatly improved , making marianne a jumble of sexiness and vulnerability . nick nolte is delightful as the uninhibited lucky , and he manages to deliver some of rudolph's most pregnant lines with practiced ease . the clear standout , however , is julie christie , who is nothing short of delicious as the world-weary phyllis . her often wry , occasionally cutting asides are the source of much of the film's humor , and there's hardly ever a moment when she doesn't steal the spotlight from her co-stars . i don't know if afterglow is the film to convert rudolph- detractors , but it seems that this movie is a little more accessible than some of the director's earlier productions . enough of his trademark style remains , however , to reassure his supporters . afterglow is basically a four-pronged character study . the plot is not especially compelling , but the character interaction is , and that's the real reason to see this motion picture . rudolph has painted an able picture of the non-romantic side of love -- the one that has more to do with tolerance and familiarity than with affection and attraction .

barb wire , pamela anderson lee's first foray into films , highlights the fact that her only talent lies in her silicone enhanced assets . being the only notable member of the cast , the camera lingers lustily o n her body at every opportunity , making her character's catch line , " don't call me babe , " sound very ironic indeed . from the very opening of the movie , we are treated to a striptease routine from anderson , ending in her hurling her stiletto smack between the eyes of a lusty male who happened to call her babe . throughout the movie , there is ample footage of enormous breasts and cleavage , if not of anderson's , then at least of the female extras . this alone is enough to retitle the movie babe wire . for a plot , barb wire rehashes the casablanca storyline . it is 2017 , the middle of the second american civil war , and barb wire , a former resistance fighter , runs a joint in steel harbour called hammerhead ( ! ! ) . known for attracting resistance fighters an d characters of all sorts , the bar attracts the attention of the government forces who appear dressed in nazi-style uniforms . in between bashing up helpless males and showing off her trademark breasts , barb wire has to help a former lover and his wife get to the airport on the other side of the town , past the government-controlled areas , and to freedom . even the airport looks like the one in casablanca , except that the plane in the background is a modern , private jet . there are hardly any significant moments in this film , and one gets the impression that it was designed for young teenagers familiar with the dark horse comics version of " barb wire . " if anything , one leaves the film with the confirmation that anderson di d not do her own stunts . who could fight and jump in a skimpy , strapless leather top , and yet keep her breasts from spilling out ? only a stuntwoman . not pamela anderson lee .

the postman delivers but not first class the postman a film review by michael redman copyright 1997 by michael redman [warning : my opinion of this film is definitely in the minority of reviewers perhaps because it hits so many of my cinematic buttons : post-apocalypse stories , hope in a desperate situation , grassroots uprisings and kevin costner . even worse , i thought that " waterworld " was watchable . read the following with those particular grains of salt . ] it's the year 2013 and things have fallen apart . due to a world war in the late nineties , the resulting three-year winter and a devastating plague , life in the former united states has been reduced to isolated primitive fiefdoms . although this is the future , it looks like a western . as the film opens , kevin costner ( his character's name is never revealed ) is wandering the utah wastelands with only his mule bill for company . giving extraordinarily bad shakespearean performances in exchange for food and lodging , costner is an outsider in a land of outsiders . running into even worse luck , he is forcibly conscripted into the racially pure holnist army of general bethlehem ( will patton ) . the rag-tag retro-futuristic cavalry is the descendent of militia groups and is even called the " clan " after a brutal boot camp , he ( and you can see this coming a mile away ) escapes . taking shelter in a wrecked postal truck , he liberates the uniform and mail bag from the skeleton in the cab who no longer has a use for either . once he reaches oregon , land of beautiful women , bright youngsters and rock and roll ; he pretends to be a representative from the " restored congress of the united states of america " . this scam gets him inside the walled towns where the promise of mail delivery renews optimism in the hearts of the inhabitants . food and other opportunities come his way in the form of spirited abby ( olivia williams ) who wants him to father a child because her husband is sterile . shortly her husband is killed by bethlehem and she and the postman ( as costner is referred to for the rest of the film ) become a reluctant item . although the postman knows he's running a fraud , the concept of renewed communications sets the kids' imagination afire ( especially ford lincoln mercury ( larenz tate ) , his second-in-command ) and they form a new pony express dedicated to getting the mail through . the revived postal service doubles as an army to fight the holnists' tyranny . the postman has become a symbol for hope in a rube goldberg manner . although the movie appeals to my sensibilities , there are so many things wrong with it that they can hardly be counted . it's derivitive of costner's own " waterworld " and clint eastwood westerns . there's little here that we haven't seen dozens of times before . the film is often down-right corny . a scene where the postman is on horseback and grabs a letter from the hands of a bright-eyed child is embarrassing in its slow-motion banality . the film's final few minutes should have been left on the cutting room floor . despite the film's excessive three hour length , several things are never explained . what was the war about ? how did civilization change so rapidly ? everyone has horses : where did all they come from ? the " law of eights " that bethlehem lives by seems to have its origins somewhere beyond the film , but where ? are we to believe that the rest of the world is in the same shape and hasn't made their way west to help or conquer ? there is some jumbled symbolism here that doesn't appear to make sense . the tale is obviously saying that communication can defeat evil in much the same way that the internet has the potential to topple governments , but beyond that there are some oddities . the evil army is called " holnists " which sounds coincidentally like the new age " holism " , but why ? is it another coincidence that it takes place in 2013 , just one year after many ancient prophesies ( including the ending of the mayan calendar ) predict a new world for mankind ? why is the general named " bethlehem " ? there seems to be some reason for that , but what ? sometimes the movie feels like a joke . an army of postal workers armed with guns ? considering the headlines of recent years , it takes a tremendous leap of faith to cheer for these guys . it's even more difficult to accept those re-powering the federal government as the heroes . given the current climate of the country and the distrust of big government , it's asking a lot for the audience to get behind the film's nationalism . even with its numerous flaws , the movie all comes together , if only for those who have the same weaknesses that i have . it's doubtful that " the postman " is going to find much of an audience , but a few of us are going to have a good time . besides we're all awaiting the fall of civilization caused by the year 2000 millennium computer bug . ( michael redman has written this column for over 22 years and would like to announce that the " michael redman " arrested near indianapolis last week for accepting an illicit package from federal express is , to the best of his knowledge , not him . perhaps this similarly-named person should have used kevin costner's postal service . )

the 1998 summer movie season is still in its infancy . but after diasappointing films such as " godzilla " and " fear and loathing in las vegas " , it would be nice to see a really good film . but i doubt you could have expected this . the truman show is one of the most unique films i have ever seen , and it deserves a spot on the " decade's best " list . there is no way to isolate any single component of this picture and proclaim , " yes , that's what makes this film great . " the blend of peter weir's masterful ( and in many ways brilliant ) direction , peter biziou's stunning photography and jim carrey's performance is what makes this film work so fantastically . there is something strangely beautiful about every shot in the truman show . it may be the use of color or the placement of characters in the frame , but everything about this film looks intentional and perfect . carrey has made a very wise choice . by playing mild-mannered truman burbank , he allows himself enough room to be comical , and therefore not alienating his true fans , while still showing a vulnerable and human side . that is a side which has been missing from nearly every major character he has played in his numerous commercial successes . truman burbank was born to an audience of millions . he was chosen before birth to be the focus of a 24 hour television show . everything in his environment is controlled by a team of technicians , led by the show's director , christof ( played by ed harris ) . everyone in truman's life is an actor or an extra . they are all being watched by millions of people around the globe , people who can tune in at any time of the day to see what is happening in truman's life . but he is the only person that is not aware of it . the classification of the truman show may be tricky . the audience reacted to many of truman's revelations with laughter . i did not laugh much during the film because i was so emotionally wrapped up with the character . the things that made the audience laugh gave me glassy eyes , because what was happening to him , indeed what had been done to him his whole life was wrong . so is this going to end up labeled as a comedy ? a drama ? it really depends on the audience . but to me , the truman show was a touching , sad tale about the extents to which a corporation will go to exploit human life for the entertainment of others . but above all else , the truman show was a stunningly beautiful picture with humor , heart and scary realism . oscar predictions in june are pointless , but if the truman show had been released on schedule in late fall or winter of 1997 , as originally planned , james cameron would be oscar-less .

this movie stinks ! although it is professionally crafted and there are some decent performances , the plot is so bad it drags the film into the abyss . i knew i was in for trouble when , during the opening establishment shots , we see a detailed close-up of warrant officer paul brenner's ( john travolta ) military identification card and it is the wrong color . this might seem like a minor detail , but anyone who has spent anytime with the military knows that active duty identification cards are green and dependant cards are yellow . and what about the senior military officer whose uniform shirt is so wrinkled he looks like he is a recruit on his first day of training . or what about when brenner tells a suspect that , because he is in the military , he doesn't have the right not to answer his questions even though these rights were central to military law well before the miranda decision . how hard is it to get someone familiar with the military to check these facts ? now details like this could be overlooked if the underlying story held up , but this story is so full of holes it is painful to sit through . for example , at the beginning of the film , paul brenner , an undercover army investigator , gets into a gun and knife battle at his off-post houseboat and winds-up killing an arms dealer he had been investigating . the local police investigating the death are openly hostile to the military and they discover that brenner has been lying to them about the killing . but instead of arresting him , or at least take him into custody for further questioning , they release him . duh ! ultimately , brenner gets assigned to investigate the murder and possible rape of the commanding general's daughter , a young captain also assigned to the post . when brenner finds graphic sex tapes featuring the general's daughter , does he use them to generate a suspect list and begin grilling suspects . no , his instinct is to suppress them because they might be potentially embarrassing . eventually , brenner discovers that this murder is related to a violent gang rape at west point eight years earlier . i won't even go into the totally unbelievable rationale for the army's suppression of this horrendous crime . i will just mention one final flaw . brenner is investigating a crime that occurred in georgia . the rape occurred in west point , which is in new york . he is under a very tight ( and totally implausible ) 36-hour deadline to solve this case . he needs to discuss the rape with a psychiatrist at west point . does he phone the doctor ? no , he travels ( via some unexplained very fast transport ) to new york to question the psychiatrist in person , and then he returns to georgia ( again by the miracle transport ) , without once worrying about the impact any of this will have on his deadline . you have been warned , stay away from this one .

`we run tings . tings don't run we . ' -sound advice from capone ( paul campbell ) to his squaddie ( or partner ) , floyd ( winston bell ) . jamaican film , shot entirely on video , featuring a standard cop movie plot mixed with a dash of john woo-styled brotherhood morals ( and a little gunplay ) . capone , a tough as nails super cop , gets a transfer back to his hometown of kingston after successfully taking down some gangsters that have broken into his home ( while he was with his lady ) and killed his partner in front of him . when he arrives , he discovers that the ghetto where he grew up has gotten worse , thanks mainly to the crime boss wonie ( jamaican film veteran carl bradshaw ) , so named because his left hand has been amputated and replaced by a grasping hook ) . capone discovers that wonie has been smuggling guns inside shipments of charity supplies for the area churches and , much to his disappointment , also finds out his childhood friend ratty ( mark danvers ) has been helping him . torn between doing his job and protecting his best friend , capone must make some hard decisions in order to make things right again . directed deftly by first time jamaican filmmaker chris browne ( assistant director for such american films as how stella got her groove back and instinct ) , one hardly notices the film was shot on video after a while . shots are handled so efficiently that they quickly take on the nuances of the aforementioned john woo films , although the action isn't as hyperkinetic as most of woo's films are . the action scenes are handled with a kind of flair though , and eventually begin to take on a life of their own ( beyond the hong kong films that they are obviously patterned after ) . the make-up effects are particularly good in these scenes as well , with flawless squib work on display from the effects team . the cast is superb and listening to their dialogue , spoken with thick jamaican accents ( half of which have to be subtitled because of their extensive use of slang ) , just adds to the interest . paul campbell , as the `loose cannon' capone , essays his role perfectly , displaying the right amount of menace and compassion at the right times . mark danvers evokes sympathy as ratty , the part-time gun smuggler who is also trying to help the community by building football fields and organizing block parties to bring people together . unfortunately , carl bradshaw is given the least to do and his character as the crime boss seems ineffective ( largely because his underlings seem to run all over him ) , but then again , that could be the way his character was intended to be portrayed . the music in the film is composed of all reggae songs , and the soundtrack was produced by grammy award winning artists , sly and robbie ( who have worked with the likes of the rolling stones , maxi priest , bob dylan , james brown , grace jones , herbie hancock , bootsy collins , and carly simon among others ) . the end credit song , `we run tings' , by the group red dragon , is pretty decent and carries on the theme of the movie established early on by the quote that opens this review . oddly enough , desmond ballentine ( who plays the character deportee ) is well known as a pioneer in the realm of `gangsta' reggae as the performer ninjaman , and he doesn't contribute a single song to the film ( that i could see ) , which is virtually unheard of here in the us . at the time of this writing , third world cop has been put into limited theatrical release in the us , coming off of a six-month box-office breaking run in jamaica , where it holds the position as highest grossing film of all time ( bringing in $21 million in jamaica , which is roughly $500 , 000 us ) . palm pictures ( the company that released the offbeat , but entertaining six-string samurai ) is the company releasing the film and considering that their main focus is the dvd market , i can imagine that a disc will be available once the film has left theaters . chris blackwell , founder of palm pictures , was also involved in the production of another jamaican box-office smash in 1981 entitled countryman , so i'd say he has a pretty good track record . overall , third world cop is a pretty entertaining homage to the films of john woo , ringo lam , tsui hark , and many other action films by directors from hong kong . if action films are your thing and you don't mind intermittent subtitles , then you can't go wrong with this film . the performances and the story are solid ( if only a little cliched ) and the action is tight . i'm not sure what the other jamaican films released in that country are like , but apparently third world cop's honors are well deserved .

my friend here in film school just made a two minute-long film for one of his classes that includes a staged anal rape scene , done by two guys and shot on the shadow of the incident , with a banana being used as the instrument of penetration . as sick as this all is , watching it is one of the most admittingly hysterical moments i've ever witnessed . sure , it may be in bad taste , but what the hell is bad taste other than something that may be offensive to some but is riotously amusing to the rest ? then there's " caligula . " this film features incest , necrophilia , beastuality , anal rape , homosexual felatio of both sexes , elaborate and lengthy orgies , a greased-up fist forced up a man's rear , wine poured down a man who's had his urinary tracts tied off , a penis chopped off and fed to hungry dogs , etc , etc , etc . this could very well be a respectable film , and if could have been had the following not occurred : a ) the events were graphically shot in clear view ; b ) the tone was not that of trying to shock comically but to , well , show " historical accuracy ; " c ) the film was a 20 million dollar production with lavish sets , a rather impressive cast , and a whopping 2 1/2 hour running time . produced and funded by none other than bob guccione , owner of penthouse magazine , " caligula " comes across as the most hysterical dramatic picture since " plan 9 from outer space " because underneath there's a sense that everything this film is doing is not only accurate and justified , but also brilliantly entertaining . after all , it's not really the fact that this film features the aforementioned disgusting moments , but that it actually believes in them as dramatic weaponry . no film should be discarded because its content , because film is never about what it's about , it's about how it's about ( as the old cliche goes ) . those who bash this film for content are glancing over the biggest and most obvious problem with " caligula , " and that's that it's nothing but overdramaticized bullshit from start to finish , without a second of credibility in its mammoth running time . " caligula " allegedly tells the true story of the evil roman emporer of the same name , a man who was so insanely decadent that his assasination came as a blessing . . . or so i guess , even though almost every single roman emporer was assasinated as well and for much the same reasons . the film opens on the wrong note , of course , with a quote from mark appearing before any image graces the screen , using the over-used passage " what shall it profit a man if he should gain the whole world an dlose his own soul , " depite the fact that the opening scene of the film is of the emporer before he was an emporer , fucking around with his own sister in a field ( i suppose if one has to lose their soul , one has to have a soul in the first place ) . the plot is so incomprehensibly done that all i or anyone else can make out of it is that caligula ( disastrously played by the great malcom mcdowell , a performance that does the opposite that his performance in " a clockwork orange " did ) is next in line for the throne but can't wait for the current emporer , tiberius ( peter o' toole - ditto , only for his performance in " lawrence of arabia " ) , his grandfather , to die . . . so he kills him and ascends to the throne . then he abuses his position , marries a woman ( helen mirren , who retains her dignity as an actor by not exactly acting ) so he doesn't just have to sleep with his sister ( a dreadful teresa ann savoy , there to be pretty , naked , and willing to hop in the sack with mac or anyone he asks her to hop in with ) , abuses his position a little more , a little more , and a little more , and then , i believe , invades england , then is killed off . the filler , instead of recounting his life , is supposed to be , as guccione claims , the ultimate portrait of decadent pagan rome , complete with orgies , vicious deaths , and lots of nudity . but instead of being the historical accurate film it really really wants to be , it instead becomes guccione's twisted masturbatory image of what it could be like . oh , isn't it great that they just loved having sex ? and that they killed people so disgustingly ? and wouldn't it be great if i could make a couple bucks by selling this shit off as accuracy even though it's so blatantly real bad porn that i've completely convinced myself that it's not . i mean , why not just show a roman orgy when i can spend a good ten minutes examining every single facet that makes it up . and it's not just that it's disgusting or vile or whatever adjective you want to use to describe this film - it's that in a film where the entire feel it's going for isn't felt , it's also the sloppiest expensive movie of all time . the sets are lavish , but so blatantly innacurate that i wonder if no historian wanting to have his name on this film explains this . but that doesn't matter since the cinematography is so dark that you wonder if a light meter was used at all , making this not only dark and ugly , but just plain dark . the camera operation is also the worst i've ever seen in my entire life . not only does this film hold the record for the most unnecessary zooms in one single shot ever , but often the camera will lose its subjects and pan around till they find them , then have them out of focus . the editing is so sloppy that some scenes are absolutely impossible to follow . there is no writer to speak of ( what the hell does it mean that it's " adapted from an original screenplay by gore vidal ? " ) , but nevertheless , the dialogue is shit , so laughably bad that i can't in good faith believe that anyone with an iq over 5 could say them with a straight face ( my favorite being the line when caligula inquires the doctor about the health of the dying tiberius : " he could go at any moment , but with care , he could last a year or so . " ) the music in this film is mostly prokofiev and khachaturian ( they use his gorgeous " adagio of spartacus and phrygia , " ad nauseum ) , used in an attempt to give the film some emotion , but instead feels as if it was shipped in from elsewhere . the orgy scenes ( and one infamous lesbo scene between penthouse pets lori wagner and aneeka dilorenzo ) are the result of reshoots by guccione himself , which are so obviously removed from everything else in this film that it only adds to the embrassment ( every five seconds or so , the film cuts to random nudity , as if it was afraid its audience would forget this film is rated " x " ) . john gielgud represents the only voice of sanity , walking around in his brief role as if he was constantly the mantra , " i'm going to kill my agent , i'm going to kill my agent . . . " and so on and so on , for over 2 1/2 hours , making " caligula " about as exciting and enriching as a three hour college lecture class and twice as deliriously annoying . guccione , in his pursuit of historical accuracy has instead made a film that is such a painstaking , arduous task to watch in its entirety that i doubt anyone can sit through an hour of it without irreversible psychological damage . throughout the entire film , the presence of guccione is easily felt , as if he were standing there at the edge of the screen , pretentiously looking down upon us saying " look what i can get away with ! and if you don't like this , then you're a prig , and worse than that , you know nothing about history ! " uh huh . there's a clear difference between historical accuracy and doing something that's artistically good . a film which showed roman decadence as something that was perhaps liberating for some but could not last - that would probably make for a good film . but using historical accuracy as a licence to get away with any kind of disgusting-for-disgustingness'-sake acts is total , total bullshit , and all i can say is that guccione and the makers of this film have lost any kind of touch with either entertainment or eroticism , and have developed a pathetic and sadistic taste for both , judging from this film . there's a film that came out in 1989 called " the cook , the thief , his wife , and her lover , " a magnifcent film by legendary cult director peter greenaway ( also starring helen mirren ) , which deals with graphic sex , heartstopping violence and gore , and even a little cannibalism for good measure . that film not only never patronized its viewers , but also handled them in a way that was shocking , yes , but also , in a bizarre way , entertaining and totally involving . there were real characters there in a real situation , and best of all passion and just the right amount of restraint as not to get off on the fact that it's going to be offensive to many . that film achieved everything it wanted to do , and has since retained a status as one of those cult films that is not only popular but actualy good . and it's everything " caligula " might have been but , alas , wasn't .

i'm a dedicated fan of writer kevin williamson's work . he always finds a clever way to spice up old material with witty dialogue and fresh ideas that stem from his inventive brain . with teaching mrs . tingle , his directorial debut , williamson has reached the end of his rope . what used to be intelligent about his films is hopelessly stale here . the components are all there , including an encouraging premise that all high school students can relate to . but where are the thrills ? the laughs ? both are supposedly absent from this draggy exercise in elaborate revenge . and what a shame that is . i loved the scream films - heck , i even enjoyed the sci-fi goofiness of the faculty . kevin williamson was the reason horror films were such a big draw at the box office . teaching mrs . tingle , a black comedy that will leave a gaping void in his optimistic followers , may put an end to his reign . or perhaps it will encourage him to spend more time perfecting a script than to worry about his directing duties . i still have my faith , but i fear the name of kevin williamson may soon be a forgotten echo of the past . the title character of his pet project is a vicious , uncaring history teacher who is played deliciously over-the-top by british actress helen mirren . mrs . tingle is basically every student's worst nightmare : a heartless human being bent on distributing poor marks to even the most hard-working of her pupils . the principal ( michael mckean ) is horrified of her , and she is unanimously despised among her fellow staff members . i enjoyed the fact that everyone in the hallway quickly steers out of her way . mirren's performance is one of the very few delights in this distressingly hollow black comedy that goes down like a flat soft drink . in other words , it's a poor substitute for williamson's best work . the plot is a big problem here . material that could have been enjoyable is rendered totally ridiculous by poor handling on the part of the director . the likable katie holmes plays leigh ann , an over-achiever hoping to get a college scholarship . but typical mrs . tingle says her history project , which she worked on for countless hours , is laughable . later on while studying in the gymnasium , a classmate ( barry watson ) offers her a photo-copied duplicate of mrs . tingle's final exam . leigh ann's best friend ( marisa coughlan ) encourages her to use it . alas , the old hag herself finds the three scheming , and snatches the test , and prepares to talk to the principal in the morning . in the morning . . . how convenient ! the three students head to mrs . tingle's house , attempting to set the facts straight and clear leigh ann's name . things get out of hand , and the teacher gets knocked unconscious in a tussle . the plan is to tie her to a bed and try to get some reasoning out of her . of course , not everything goes entirely to plan . besides pointless sub-plots involving the football coach ( jeffrey tambor , horribly wasted ) , there is little by way of actual progress . there is no urgency to the situation ; little tension or laughs are involved . the humor is completely inconsistent . after many of the jokes , the theater was so silent i could have heard a fly sneeze . you continue to await some momentum in the story , something that could possibly revive the slow pace . a moment like that never arises . williamson also does a handsome job of wasting some of the key supporting players , including the talented mckean and larry sanders' vet tambor . and the beautiful vivica a . fox has one lifeless scene as a caring guidance counselor , and then williamson disposes of her character entirely . on the plus side , holmes and coughlan are admirable ( with the latter giving a frighteningly believable exorcism impression ) , and molly ringwald has an amusing cameo appearance as a substitute teacher . while everything is pretty lifeless , teaching mrs . tingle remains watchable . there are a few promising ideas that pop up now and again , but anything remotely interesting is squandered by the inane script . mirren is easily the best reason to keep watching . she is convincingly evil and fun to watch , but even her gifted delivery can't save individual scenes that flounder in boredom . if there is one word for the movie surrounding her , it would be `disappointing' . basically , kevin williamson is his worst enemy here . his uneventful direction prevents any aspects of his screenplay to be appreciated ( not that his writing here is especially good ) . we will see , when rookie screenwriter ehren kruger writes the third installment in the scream franchise this christmas , whether williamson is for real .

hong kong cinema has been going through a bad spell . the last few productions have been effect laded action adventures that combine both the best and worst of american filmmaking with the same qualities of hong kong films . in a nutshell , the current crop of films from hong kong has been maddeningly convoluted and visually sumptuous . with the one time british colony reverting back to mainland ownership , a lot of hong kong's best talents have crossed the pacific to work on u . s . productions . such talents as jackie chan ( rush hour ) , chow yun-fat ( anna & the king , the corrupter ) and yuen woo-ping ( the matrix ) have all moved into the budget bloated world of hollywood filmmaking with mixed results . now we can add two other hong kong filmmakers to the mix with star jet li and director and fight choreographer corey yuen kwai . unfortunately " romeo must die " bears all the trademarks of a typical hollywood action film and none of hong kong's rhythms . the film opens in a nightclub as an asian couple is necking . enter a group of chinese gangsters led by kai sing ( russell wong ) . kai confronts po sing ( jon kit lee ) , the son of kai's boss and leader of the local chinese family . a battle breaks out between the bodyguards of the club and kai , who handily kicks and punches his opponents down . it's not until club owner silk ( rapper dmx ) , bears down on kai and his henchmen that the fight ends . the following morning po sing is found dead . suspicions escalate , as issac o'day ( delroy lindo ) is told of the murder . his concern that the war between his and the chinese family may explode and ruin his plans to move out of the business of corruption and into a legitimate venture . issac implores his chief of security , mac ( issiah washington ) to watch after his son and daughter . the scene shifts to a prison in china , where han sing ( jet li ) learns of his brothers murder . he fights with the guards and is dragged off to be disciplined . hung upside down by one foot , han recovers and battle his way out of custody in a blistering display of fight choreography and stunt work . escaping to the u . s . han sets out to find the person responsible for his brother's death . " romeo must die " is in many ways a fun film . it is both absurd and assured . the basic plot of a gangster wanting to become legitimate echoes " the godfather " . the relationship between jet li's han and aaliyah's trish o'day reminds us of abel ferrera's " china girl " , except that romeo must die's couple never once exchange more than a loving glance towards one another . their romance is much more puritanical than any other romance in film history . the performances are adequate if not fully acceptable . li , of course has the showiest part , having to express both an innocents and steadfast determination . allayah , in her feature film debut manages to carry what little is asked of her with a certain style and grace . it's obvious that the camera loves her and she is very photogenic . but , still the part is under written in such a way that even a poor performance would not have affected it . delro lindo as issac o'day carries himself well in the film . an unsung and under appreciated actor , mr . lindo turns out the films best performance . the other performers are all adequate in what the script asks of them except for d . b . woodside as issac's son , colin . the performance is undirected , with the character changing his tone and demeanor in accordance with whatever location he is in . an unfocused performance that should have been reigned in and / or better written . first time director andrzej bartkowiak does a workmanlike job in handling the film . having a career as one of the industry's best cinematographers , bartkiwiak knows how to set up his shots , and " romeo must die " does look good . but the pacing of the film is lethargic , only coming to a semblance of life during the fight scenes . the script by eric bernt and john jarrell is not focused in such a way that we can care about the characters or the situations they are in . the big gambit of buying up waterfront property to facilitate the building of a sports center for a nfl team is needlessly confusing . and of course the common practice of one character being the comic relief of the film becomes painfully obvious here as anthony anderson as allayah's bodyguard , maurice has no comic timing whatsoever . the best things about the film are its fight scenes . jet li is a master of these intricate physical battles . one needs only to see his film " fist of legend " to understand that the man is without peer in the realm of martial art combat . here , jet is given the opportunity to show off in a way that " lethal weapon 4 " ( jet's u . s . debut ) didn't allow . unfortunately , a lot of jet's fights are aided with computer effects that detract from his ability and precision . also " romeo must die " must be noted as having the most singularly useless effect ever committed to film , and that is an x-ray effect that appears three times during the course of the film , showing the effect of bone crushing blows on an opponent . obviously a homage to the famed x-ray scene from sonny chiba's " streetfighter " , the scenes here are just pointless and interfere with the pacing of the film . it's as if the film has stopped and a video game has been inserted . one problem though about the fight scenes . those that are familiar with hong kong action know that even though the films are fantasies and are as removed from reality as any anime or cartoon . they do have an internal rhythm to them . a heartbeat , so to speak in their choreography . the fight scenes in a hong kong film breath with an emotional resonance . this is created by the performance , the direction and the editing . here in " romeo must die " , there is no staccato . every fight scene , even though technically adroit and amazing becomes boring as the editing both cuts away from battle at hand and simple follows a set pattern . the rhythm is monotonous . a hong kong film has a tempo that changes , heightening its emotional impact . 'rmd' is limited to a standard 4/4 tempo , not allowing for any emotional content whatsoever . a fine example of this difference can be found by examining a couple of jackie chan's films . . watch the restaurant fight from the film " rush hour " and notice that the context of the fight , while technically amazing is rather flat ( the framing and cut always do not help ) . now look at the warehouse fight from " rumble in the bronx " . there you have a heartbeat , and emotional draw that doesn't let the audience catch its breath . the stops and pauses for dramatic effect work perfectly , causing the viewer to be both astounded and flabbergasted . here in 'romeo must die' , the fight scenes have no more emotional content or character than any john wayne barroom brawl . jet li is a grand and personable screen presence . it's a shame that his full talents were not used to full effect here . one day filmmakers here in the u . s . will stop making films by the numbers and start to embrace the style and emotion that has made hong kong action pictures such a commodity . until then , we'll be left with emotionally hollow product like " the replacement killer " and , currently " romeo must die " .

( dimension films , " scream 2 " 's distributor , has asked press to say extremely little -- if anything -- about the film's twisty plot . that's no easy task considering the wit that deserves to be mentioned here , but i will do my best to be vague ( now , there's a first ) . ) " the first one was [good] , but all the rest sucked , " said a cinematically-savvy teen in last winter's wes craven thriller " scream , " her statement referring to the films of the " nightmare on elm street " series but really putting down franchise overkill in general . the comment certainly carries clout : for every truly great sequel , there appears to be a couple of duds , making one wonder if writers are better off sticking solely with fresh ideas . but like it or not , along comes " scream 2 . " and believe it or not , it's a doozy -- a slick , sinister , madly subversive good time at the movies , as intent on sending up hollywood's sequel syndrome as much as its prequel poked fun at slasher conventions . " scream 2 " is definitely that rare movie thing -- a follow-up that can stand along side its original with pride . it's been two years since a pair of overzealous horror movie fans clad in edvard munch-esque get-ups carved their way through the young populace of woodsboro , california . those surviving the ordeal have gotten on with their lives . plucky heroine sidney prescott ( neve campbell ) is a drama student at the midwestern windsor college ; her pop culture-whiz pal randy meeks ( jamie kennedy ) has tagged along . trash tabloid reporter gale weathers ( courteney cox ) has written a best-seller based on their ordeal , the basis of which has been turned into a ( very bad ) movie called " stab . " and dewey riley ( david arquette ) , still suffering from wounds inflicted during " scream , " has left his job as a police officer for a while . life is tranquil . . . at least for a while . several sudden murders bring sidney , randy , gale and dewey together again , but with suspicious eyes cast on each other and most of those in their surroundings -- if these four people learned anything from the past , it's to trust no one . thus , the possible victim/potential killer list includes said quartet , as well as : derek ( jerry o'connell ) , sidney's new beau ; cici ( sara michelle gellar ) , a chatty sorority gal ; joel ( duane martin ) , gale's cameraman who's not too thrilled with her blood-soaked past ; hallie ( elise neal ) , sidney's sassy roommate ; debbie ( laurie metcalf ) , a local reporter who gives gale some not-too-friendly competition ; and mickey ( timothy olyphant ) , randy's good friend and fellow film student . cotton weary ( liev schreiber ) , the man sidney wrongly accused of her mother's murder in scream , also shows up on campus -- but why ? like the first scream , craven and screenwriter kevin williamson inaugurate things with a bang . this time , it's an extended sequence that finds an african-american couple ( jada pinkett and omar epps ) attending a sneak preview of " stab , " making sly references about everything from sandra bullock to the lunchmeat non-roles of blacks in slasher cinema . before tragedy ensues at the screening , the movie-within-a-movie setup allows for plenty of jokey moments , including a scene from " stab " which turns scream's now-famous drew barrymore prologue on its ear . ( " b---- , hang up the phone and star-69 his a-- ! " pinkett yells at the screen . ) it's funny , creepy stuff ( i don't think i'll ever feel safe in a movie theater again ) that effectively foreshadows the ratio of smart scares and spoofy laughs down the road . another flawless example of this is a riotous cell phone-assault of the killer on randy , dewey and gale in broad daylight ; it builds comedically and ends with genuine terror because of the emotional investment made on these delicious characters . there are other superb set pieces , but explaining them risks ruining their effect . there are more players this time around as to provide both a higher number suspects and a staggering body count . it's something of a trade-in -- the new characters are too large in number to be as fully-developed as the original " scream " gang , but this movie packs in knowing performances ( especially by kennedy and cox ) and more death for your dollar . it can be argued that , while the original might outclass it by a tad , scream 2 is both scarier and funnier . it certainly doesn't skimp with shocks -- a major one being the killing of one cast member very near and dear to my heart ( i actually questioned craven and williamson's judgment here , considering how much this person has added to these films ) . sometimes you wish that more could have been done with stab -- the two scenes we're shown are dead-on -- but for film fans , there are plenty of subtle nods to movies like " the usual suspects , " " aliens " and " the empire strikes back . " still , " scream 2 " does so many things right , it's petty to quibble . its penchant for parody is irresistible , discussions of the merits of film sequels and all . the attractive , solid cast is a definite bonus . and the denouement ( while not as shocking as " scream " 's ) is priceless ; the film's final revelation incorporates bits of a particular horror film prominently referred to in " scream " with one of the best bad guy motives ever put on paper . all this and a " scream 3 " is in the works . knowing the series' tendency for self-reference , perhaps one of its characters will again discuss the concept of sequel justice . mentioning " scream 2 " 'll help them in their argument .

along his carreer , mel gibson has collected several successes , not only from an economic point of view but also from an artistic point of view . for all that , i think no one could guess the skills and abilities now disclosed in braveheart . the australian actor decided to produce and direct a film about sir william wallace , a popular scotch hero of the 13th century , where he would also perform the principal role . accepting so huge challenge , mel gibson run the risk of stain all his work of years , with a suppoosed failure , just to see recognized , by everyone , all his potentialities and , that way , to consolidate his position in hollywood . it was , definitely , an enormous risk but i'm sure mel knew exactly well what he was going to face . braveheart is , in fact , a magnificent and magisterial film . for three hours we are completely absorbed by the narrative's rhyitm which never gives place to a single moment of monotony or uninterest . the william wallace's story is the story of so many others brave liberty's defenders who fought and gave the life for that essential value , along the centuries . seeing himself and his people victims of injustices and violent repression , william wallace dares to face the powerful edward i , king of england , in a war by the autonomy of scotland . as the victories succeed the number of fighters with wallace goes growing up . his courage and inteligence are admired by everyone , including the princess isabelle of wales , wife of edward's son . however , william wallace was also surrounded by enemies and some of them were closer than he thought . braveheart may not be an historically corrected movie but the nature of its message make us think about the importance that we give to liberty , nowadays . mel gibson directs with a lot of brilliancy a brilliant cast . patrick mcgoohan has a very nice performance as edward i , the king longshank . the scene when he waits for the death and loses his voice is really good . sophie marceau , as princess isabelle , has along the movie no more than fifteen minutes of performance but mel gibson gave to those minutes such a very special treatment that princess isabelle soon becomes one of the major characters in braveheart . i also liked the performances of angus macfadyen , as robert the bruce , and , of course , mel gibson , as william wallace . however , i think this time the mel gibson's work as director was much better than his work as actor . the excellent music composed by james horner is another thing that helps braveheart to be the success that it really is . when we join that music to the beautiful scotch landscapes , view by the camera of john toll , then we realize all the beauty of this film . braveheart is , in my opinion , one of the best movies of 1995 ! i've heard some people saying that mel gibson is gonna be a new david lean . for now , let's see if braveheart equalizes the 6 oscars of lawrence of arabia . it won't be easy ! it's gonna be one more challenge for mel gibson .

if you're the kind of person who goes to see movies just because you long for some of that overpriced theatre popcorn ( butter optional ) , then this is the movie for you ! indeed , this has got to be either one of the most unimaginative rip-offs of other recent action movies , or an incredibly unfunny spoof of them . it's difficult to fathom such insipidness unless you actually watch this film . but at least we're warned very quickly that we may regret our ticket purchase , giving us an opportunity to sneak on out and into the adjacent show . what are the four ingredients of a really bad action movie ? first , the movie gives us an introductory premise . huge caverns exist deep beneath the ocean floor , and in this area , many ships have disappeared . oooh . . . scary ! secondly , a cheesy soundtrack tries to connote a tone of mystery , but only succeeds in drowning our ears with an abrasive musical score . third , the main character is a mercenary that delivers goods without asking about the contents of his cargo ( treat williams ) . he operates a sophisticated military-style pt boat and every word that comes out of his mouth is awash in comical flippancy . finally , in the cargo hold , we see those that hired him . they are also mercenaries that have tough-looking haircuts , talk with accents , and try to show how macho they are . during their trip across the stormy sea , their boat suffers an incident and requires repairs . spotting a cruise ship in the distance , they make their way to the ocean liner and devise a plan to raid the machine shop , take the parts that they need , and then continue on their merry way . little do they know that this cruise ship has become infested by some kind of ocean monster . yet , they board the ship armed to the hilt with grenades and machine guns that can kill dozens in a matter of seconds . this is nothing more than a by-the-book action film . their realization of the situation that they're in doesn't happen until they are in the bowels of the boat . those who are dumb enough to stray off on their own will ultimately get killed . the corridors on the ship are narrow , misty , and provide the kind of atmosphere that all scare-fests must have . yet , despite the predictable nature of this film , there are some scary " boo " moments . but most of it is just outright silly . and this film is unusually gory too . monsters basically suck off the flesh and spit out skeletal remains . there is one particularly neat scene where a monster has been cut apart and reveals a victim that is still alive . he screams horribly as the monster's digestive juices continue to slowly eat him away . additionally , it borrows heavily from speed2 , alien and a bunch of other recent films . the mercenaries even run into a lone , surviving passenger ( femke jannsen ) who looks amazingly like sandra bullock . to be honest , when i left the theatre , i just had to laugh at how witless the film was . it's moronic fun at best . so , if you're hankering for a large bucket of popcorn served with a side of silliness , then this might just hit the spot .