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in a typical cinematic high school , the football jocks have sex with the girls and then dump them , but not before the boys' scores are dutifully recorded in their little black books . as the sexual acts take place , the other guys hang out nearby , guzzling beer and grunting like pigs . in the rage : carrie 2 , robert mandel's terminally bland sequel to carrie , there isn't a single original moment . only amy irving returns from carrie , and the talent of the rest of the sequel's cast is impossible to determine given the stupefying mediocrity of rafael moreu's script . as rachel , the horror story's lead , emily bergl gives one of the least scary performances in recent memory , but it isn't exactly her fault . the director asks for little from his actors , which is precisely what he gets . sporadically in this lame and lifeless movie , rachel will cause school lockers and windows to fly open , but generally she just mopes around looking like a victim . her fellow students delight in tormenting her . of course , she will get her revenge in the obligatory ending bloodbath in which she will decapitate and castrate the boys and crush the girls with burning timbers . as the movie marks time until its big finale , it throws in some repugnant scenes , hoping to turn audience's stomachs . rachel's girlfriend commits a horrible and realistic suicide after the boy who made " love " to her the night before spurns her . ( he gets major points in his black book for this , but his buddies say he would have gotten more if he had had sex with her after her death . ) even a helpless puppy is run over , and we see his poor , little body flipping over and over under a truck . the teenagers in the movie are completely blas ? about it all . " doesn't it offend you that some girl offed herself yesterday , " asks one of the few kids with a conscience . " why ? " responds his nonplussed girlfriend . " she wasn't anybody . " remarkably devoid of any energy , especially for a horror flick , the movie makes one yearn for a fast forward button on the theater's armrest . with material this bad , the film's only hope is to go for parody , but it isn't smart enough to realize it . even the mandatory epilogue is as pointless and predictable as the rest of the movie . the rage : carrie 2 runs 1 : 45 . it is rated r for graphic violence , teen alcohol abuse , sex , nudity and profanity and would be acceptable only for older teenagers .

you should have heard the old guys in the crowded bathroom following the " odd couple ii " sneak preview . they were as happy a group of men as i've ever encountered . " what a great movie , " exclaimed one gent at the urinal , " everything was so true ! " " yeah , " laughed a man standing next to him , " i drive as slow as that one guy did . my kids give me holy hell for it ! " " and peeing is a big part of my day , just like with felix , " chuckled another fellow , as he fastened his trousers up around his nipples and prepared to rejoin his wife . if you're over 60 and in the habit of driving at least 20 miles per hour below the posted speed limit , " neil simon's the odd couple ii " may be just the film for you . others will likely be less charitable . while " the odd couple ii " is amiable enough , neil simon's shockingly lazy screenplay feels like a slapped-together tv reunion show , suffering from wheezing situation comedy set-ups and jokes straight out of the borscht-belt . simon , once the toast of broadway , has apparently shifted his sights from the great white way to the neighborhood multiplex in branson , missouri . the contrived story , involving the marriage of their kids , provides the excuse for a reunion between oscar madison and felix unger , who haven't seen each other in 17 years . the former roommates fly into california from their respective homes for the wedding and , quite literally , run into one another at the airport . they take off in a rental car for the ceremony in san molina , get lost and have a series of " wacky " adventures on the road . jack lemmon and walter matthau reprise their roles as felix the neat freak and oscar the slob . while there is an undeniable chemistry between the pair , the impact of their reunion is lessened by the fact that they've headlined three films together since 1993 : " grumpy old men , " " grumpier old men " and " out to sea . " still , the two veteran actors are fun to watch . matthau , whose magnificently rumpled face looks like a big pile of laundry with eyes , has a field day as oscar , the crown prince of the curmudgeons . lemmon , looking pastier than usual , is fine as the ever- annoying felix , who still punctuates his chronic whining with occasional allergic honks of " phnah ! phnah ! " despite their bickering , the characters have real affection for each other , providing a welcome respite from the non-stop barrage of insults that marked their previous three films together . unfortunately , matthau and lemmon's charm isn't enough to compensate for simon's hack script , which wouldn't pass muster even on a upn sitcom . one contrived situation follows another , lathered with enough stale one- liners to supply a dozen would-be comics on open-mike night at the local comedy club . if someone drags you to this film and you find yourself as bored as i was , try entertaining yourself by counting the product placements . burger king gets one , as does the el pollo loco taco joint , but budget rent-a- car really hits the jackpot . between script references to their business and shots of signs and stickers bearing their company name , i couldn't keep count of all the plugs . i did , however , keep track of some of the swearing . i came up with four " god-damns , " three " shitheads " and two " fucks . " the inclusion of those particular profanities seemed odd for a film aimed at an older audience , but the theater full of seniors appeared to have no problem with them , howling like crazy every time the boys let rip with a naughty word . it's sad that a writer of neil simon's stature has grown desperate enough to resort to swearing for cheap laughs , but not surprising when you look at what else gets passed off as humor in this tepid exercise . one running gag involves oscar and felix's inability to remember the name of the town where the wedding is to be held . at one point , the men actually spend 30 seconds just free-associating , riffing off variants of the word " san . " the sequence is so creatively bankrupt that it is simply embarrassing . one of the oldest maxims of film-going is " beware of movies that use the author's name in the title . " " neil simon's the odd couple ii " is no exception to the rule . while the production has enough minor pleasures to warrant a tv viewing on some lazy sunday afternoon , it has no business playing in a movie theater . of course , there's a bathroom full of old guys who would strongly disagree with every word i've written , and would probably whip my " young-whippersnapper " ass to boot . one thing's for sure , though . they'll never catch me in a car chase .

`bats' is an insulting slap across the face for any dedicated horror movie fan . to pull something like this off , you need to have a sense of wit and style , with a heavy dosage of humor to back up the process if the fright factor ever declines . something like the underground worm thriller `tremors' had just the perfect mixture of these elements , and in return , the film was tremendous fun . with the notable exception of a wisecracking supporting player , `bats' mainly plays it's premise for straight-arrow horror . judging by the ridiculous premise , this was not exactly a wise move . the movie attempts to capture the essence of alfred hitchcock's `the birds' , but fails miserably . done right , it could have been adequately amusing halloween cinema . unfortunately , `bats' is a prime example of a formula movie done terribly , terribly wrong . the only thing amusing about this festering pile of guano is in how intelligible the filmmakers anticipate their core audience to be . i will recite the following paragraph in a manner that will reach the audience of individuals to whom `bats' is aimed toward . those guys in hollywood have made a movie about bats . these bats are not very nice , because they eat a lot of people . boy , are these bats ugly . they are infected with this bogus virus that makes them super-duper smart . they've got big claws and red eyes and they are not very friendly at all . a whole bunch of people in texas get killed , so a sheriff guy and a scientist lady are brought in to kill the bats . they have big guns and other cool things to fight them with , but the bats are pretty smart , so it's sorta hard to do . the bats swoop down and they shoot at them to make they go away for good . but no , `bats' is probably too violent for pre-schoolers . the film , directed by louis morneau , should have ventured straight into video stores . on the small screen , perhaps more fun could have been derived with lower expectations . but sitting through this crapper on the big screen is almost awkward ; although at a few moments it becomes a guilty pleasure , the film is poorly written , poorly acted and executed with glaring ineptitude . even the bats themselves are cheesy , and the attack sequences too rushed and jittery to be properly enjoyed . the sheriff in the story is emmett kimsey ( lou diamond phillips ) , who embodies every pathetic stereotype a small-town authority figure usually portrays ( he chomps on a cigar , struts contentedly in his boots , etc . . . ) . the scientist is dr . sheila casper ( dina meyer ) , who specializes in flying mammals and is classified as `the best in her field' . meyer uses a lot of technical terms designed to make the movie seem more intellectually capable , but everything about dr . casper is recycled beyond recognition . her memories of how she became hooked on the topic of bats sounds suspiciously like oceanographic student matt hooper's tale of how he became infatuated with sharks in `jaws' . everything revolving around `bats' is tired drivel , which desperately requires some directorial style or acting capabilities to spruce it up . the supporting cast could have been constructed out of straw , with voices dubbed in later . in fact , that may have worked out better in the end . take one glance at casper's bat-loathing sidekick jimmy ( leon ) , and you'll have immediate deja vu - he's the exact same humorous buddy caricature from every other movie , constructed specifically for timed comic relief . unfortunately , none of his comic interludes are funny . in the role of deranged mad scientist dr . mccabe , the reliable bob gunton gets cornered with the most hideously idiotic character in the bunch . mccabe `accidentally' released two experimental test subjects , and the virus spread to other bats . the entire town of gallup , texas is under attack from an enormous swarm of the creatures , but gunton appears to be inconspicuously contemplating something else . something like : `when is the damn movie going to be over ? ? i just want my money . ' the bats are ugly , i must say . there's the occasional moment where they look moderately convincing , but mainly , the swarm is represented in cheesy digital imagery . only bits of the bloody action even hint at the campy fun the film could have been , but by the absurdly stupid climax , it's way too late in the game for a decent recovery . characters experiment in slaughtering the bats with gunfire . let's explore the logic there : is this really a very efficient way to decrease the bat population ? ? you could empty an entire clip at the flying winged serpents and not even wound one , and after that there are only 18 , 000 more of them . this kind of behavior represents the regular level of intelligence behind `bats' .

showgirls is the second major outing for the production team of pual verhoeven , director , and joe eszterhas , writer . their last effort , basic instinct , played like the most sumptuous of classic hitchcock , with a dash of raw sex and sensuality that made it come across with a hit like curry-spiced tabasco sauce ; a dish not to everyone's taste , but certainly a well-crafted movie . possibly that movie's greatest strength was that the most important events happened offstage , prior to the movie , during the movie , and after the movie . . . and that , after bringing all the plotlines together neatly , it left the viewer with full knowledge of what * would * happen in the characters' future , so there was no need to film it . there was actually about four hours' worth of screen story there , but eszterhas found ways to get it all on-screen in two , by leading his audience into analyzing what was really going on ; and by still holding their interest with clever misdirection and false trails . the major elements that made basic instinct work so well are present in showgirls . we have attractive , sympathetic , but still highly repellent characters ; we have shows for the eyes and the ears , plotlines that play on several levels , we have beautifully delineated characters who are drawn from life and very believable , and we have a story of an innocent ( who may not be so innocent ) who's trying to play straight , trying to improve her station in life , who slips into behaving the way those around her do . . . but recovers with a flourish , and quits a winner . in this sense , the movie is a bit of a departure for verhoeven , who's not known for treating his characters well ; but nomi , the part played by elizabeth berkley , definitely opts out of the game in a positive way , and we're left feeling good about her future . this is not one of the great movies , but it's far better than we'd been led to expect by all the negative pre-release publicity . verhoeven got his first oscar nomination in 1971 , and in the last quarter-century has pushed farther and farther , experimenting with the socially-acceptable limits to movie-making . his most recent three movies , robocop , total recall , and basic instinct , have been a progression of back-door access to american culture , moving from the fantastic through the merely psychotic to the underlying basic drives ; and now he's exploring the sleeze . this movie may be the first movie ever made for which the director's contract contained a specific provision that he would not have to deliver an r rated movie . ( verhoeven had to cut several parts of basic instinct to get an r rating , although his original version is available on video . ) many reviewers have taken the politically-correct stance that any movie which uses naked ladies as scenery is a bad thing ; but they miss the fact that this movie is not about naked ladies , it's about people in an environment where naked ladies are common , and why such an environment should exist . it's about the scum who use other people as power-trip toys , and the need to escape their power . it's about a world where sex is nothing and normal human values don't pertain ; and the lack of sexual excitement and passionate heat in even the most blatant scenes is something of an accomplishment . an nc-17 movie which isn't sexually exciting says a great deal about the phoniness and emptiness of a social stratum where sex has been robbed of any kind of beauty , power , or value . the one scene in the movie that * could * have been a good sex scene , berkley and maclachlan in a swimming pool , is not exciting , because by then we already know his character is a callous manipulator . if anything , it's a rape scene with a victim who's been duped into cooperation . you don't make a movie about the history of black people in america without using a few black actors ; you don't make a movie about world war ii without a few guns going off and a few people getting killed ; and you don't make a movie about las vegas showgirls without showing a few las vegas showgirls . . . and in an awful lot of vegas shows , an awful lot of ladies wear very little clothing . this is a legitimate portrayal of a rather seamy side of the entertainment industry , in a town where sex is simply a negotiable commodity . showgirls de-glamorizes the las vegas show and sex industries with great effectiveness . nomi is played , in a very good performance , by elizabeth berkley , who gives us a solid picture of a woman with limited talents who's at the end of her rope , desperate to live a life better than the one she's known . she has nothing to market except her body and her limited dancing ability , and is trying desperately not to to be a hooker , trying to be something better than she seems destined to be . when nomi realizes she's gone too far for too little , she catches herself just in time to save the most essential part of who she wants to be . gina rivera plays molly , a dressmaker and costumer who befriends nomi , providing her with what may be the one solid , positive relationship in nomi's entire life . molly is the one who makes the difference , and provides the role model and framework nomi needs to verify the value system she'll be using for the rest of her life , and nomi's feelings for molly are the spur that forces nomi's decision . gina gershon plays cristal , an aging , but still very attractive starring dancer , a reflexively competitive manipulator who's become a villainess by internalizing the ethos of the crooks and scum around her . gershon plays cristal as a cross between ava gardner and raquel welch ; a fading talent made bitter by self-awareness . her character is very well drawn and performed ; in a major scene in a hospital room , she acknowledges what she is , and , in essence , passes the torch to nomi . the relationship between the two of them is the most honest one in the movie , and provides part of the impetus nomi needs to follow a different path . it is no accident that the three important parts in this movie are women of different stripe ; molly is an honest , hard-working person who means well , and nearly dies because she confuses the glitter and the image with reality . cristal is a talented dancer who's compromised her ideals and sold herself to be a co-operating part of the system , exchanging self-respect for the species of stardom that can be had in las vegas . nomi believes she can make it without selling herself , succumbs to a degree , and then realizes she can make it without selling herself , and doesn't need las vegas or its brand of " stardom . " the male parts in this movie are simply props ; they exist only to demonstrate and explicate the cultural milieu against which showgirls exist . kyle maclachlan , whose single best previous work was as an inhumanly emotionless cop in the hidden , gives us a nicely reptilian bit of pond scum on two legs , camouflaged as a nice guy . glenn plummer plays a dancer who's working as a bellboy , and provides a bit of alternate perspective . plummer's character is the only one in the movie who's maintaining an interest in dance as a performing art , but even he's succumbed to the cult of manipulation . plummer's character is the closest thing to a sympathetic male character in the whole movie . some of jost vacano's cinematography is fantastic , and one particular delineation of nomi's character alteration , a no-dialog scene using nothing but color changes in the lighting , is utterly terrifying . this movie is rated nc-17 due to language , sexual situations , full frontal nudity , violence , and probably the costuming as well . i don't see a way this particular story could have been told well without it , and i regard it as a legitimate exercise in movie-making . but don't go see it if you're not in a tough mood ; the only person it's possible to like in this movie ends up in an i . c . u . on life support , and there is probably not one character in this movie you'd enjoy meeting in person .

actually , i'm fairly sure the experience of having my flesh torn and mutilated by barbed wire would have been more positive than watching this movie . " baywatch " babe pamela anderson lee proves once and for all that she should keep her double-d's on the small screen . at least there you don't have to pay to see her cleavage . and for those viewers out there who would only lay down money for this movie in hopes of seeing pam topless , hate to burst your bubble , but there are no full-fledged nude scenes in barb wire . you wouldn't be reading this review right now if i had known that fact going in . i can't go back in time and reverse my mistake , but i can warn other horny teenage boys out there . they do tease us a few times with scenes where you almost see her topless but if she is nude , it's so quick you can't even tell for sure whether you're seeing her andersons or not . a nipple hallucination sort of thing . barb wire was adapted from a comic book , interesting because pamela is probably the only woman who looks like a comic book character in real life , even wearing low-cut leather to do office work ( businesswoman bondage wear ) and having unreal body proportions . yes , like the mona lisa , pamela anderson is a man-made beauty , probably in more senses than one . she is a definite beauty , though , and looking at her is never an unpleasant experience . you'd just think the woman who began her career as a playboy playmate wouldn't have any reservations about appearing nude in the movie , because it's obvious she wasn't pulling a sharon stone and trying to make people pay attention to her acting skills . i mean , she shows off more cleavage here than a jeweler's convention . the movie is set in the year 2017 , " the worst year of my life , " pam says . ( " the worst movie of the year , " i say . ) america is going through a second civil war and pamela is a nightclub owner in the only free city in the nation ( silicone valley , i think ) . she also hires herself out as a bounty hunter when the price is right , posing as first a stripper and later as a prostitute . but don't call her " babe . " she hates that , and reminds us of that fact way too many times . imagine , a woman who does a trapeze strip tease in a bar while having a hose sprayed on her being referred to in such a sexist , demeaning term . a liberated woman like pamela anderson shouldn't have to hear words like " babe " during a strip tease , especially since that movie about the talking pig was such a success . the plot ( ha-ha ) revolves around a pair of contact lenses that allow their wearer to pass through the congressional directorate's retina scanners . in the words of one of the characters , they're " more than meets the eye . " reminds me of the " transformers " cartoon , and i sure wished the movie could somehow be transformed into something decent , but that never happened . no , the movie just continued on its path of lame action scenes starring pamela van-damme , big-busted kickboxer , and her resistance accomplices , ex-boyfriend axel ( tamuera morrison ) and cora ( victoria rowell ) . thank god they didn't name her cora reef . one bad character name is more than enough . pamela originally doesn't take sides , giving some speech about she's only loyal to the money they pay her , but she changes her mind once the congressional bastards kill her blind brother , jack noseworthy of bon jovi " always " video fame . i still don't know if barb wire is a step up or step down for noseworthy , but he definitely is nose worthy ( even if he isn't sponge worthy ) . pam gets ready to avenge his death by grabbing up an armful of semi-automatic weapons and strapping an ammunitions belt to her chest . it's not rambo . . . it's bimbo ! mark my words , barb wire will be all over the cinemax network in a year . it's got all the elements of the direct-to-video releases featured on hbo's bastard cousin , the cable channel i'd never watch if it didn't somehow come free . it's got the non-titillating scenes of voyeurism , laughable flashbacks , bad dialogue and action cliches out the wazzoo . there's even a narrator at the beginning setting up the movie's premise while the words scroll up the screen . someone needs to tell pamela the wookie this ain't star wars . if you've seen any action flick of the past fifteen years , you'll recognize plenty of lifted elements . barb wire has the obligatory trucks flipping over , car crashes , explosions , broken glass and slow-motion shots of bodies falling hundreds of feet to their death . this is one of those automatic-pilot movies anyone could write or direct . barb wire has only two things going for it . . . and i think you know what those two things are .

godzilla is a nuclear freak . he is a lizard that has been mutated over the years and has become a new species , one that has a foot as long as this bus , and a claw as long as this sign . this aquatic creature made its first attack in the pacific islands . he tore up a ship that carried dozens of japanese men . one survived . only he was left to recount the terror that he had seen . he was merely able to repeat the words " godzilla . . . godzilla . . . godzilla " . the film then introduces us to matthew broderick , a biologist who has been studying the fascinating growth of chernobyl earthworms . " they're 17% larger than they used to be ! " he proclaims . the u . s . military pulls him off this three year project and assigns him to figure out what godzilla is . and , boy , does he find out . and , boy , does godzilla suck . i hate to use such a word in a review , something that is supposed to inform my audience , but i really need to drive this one home and i refuse to use explitives . it is unbelieveable to me how the producers of this movie saw the final cut and said , " ok ! it's great ! let's show this puppy . " roland emmerich needs a good horse whipping . his latest piece of trash makes id4 look like a masterpiece of modern american cinema . and if steven spielberg had never made the jurassic park films , emmerich and his team of talent-challenged imbeciles would never have had a clue as to how the creature should look . let me give you a few examples of this terrible attempt at filmmaking . i plan on giving some things away here . belive me , godzilla holds no surprises for anyone with an iq higher than their shoe size , so . . . no worries . however , if you are looking for that " first time thrill " and you refuse to let me do you this favor , by all means , stop reading now . a . ) godzilla makes his first ever attack in the pacific islands . he next strikes in new york city . um . . . anyone have a map handy ? b . ) the mayor of new york city is a heavy set individual with parted gray hair and thick glasses . his name is mayor ebert . his assistant is named gene . gene gives ebert a thumbs down at the end of the film . i couldn't make this up if i tried , folks . c . ) stay with me on this one . . . ok . godzilla can out run torpedoes . hank azaria can out run godzilla babies . ( which look more like jurassic park raptors than the jurassic park raptors . ) d . ) the u . s . military , upon realization that godzilla has disappeared after running rampant through the city , decides that he " might be hiding in a building . " e . ) ( oh yeah , i can go all the way to e . ) godzilla strikes at manhattan . manhattan , an island approximately the size of san francisco holds three million people . they evactuate to new jersey in about one day . no problem . f . ) early on , they bait godzilla with fish . ( he likes fish , you know . ) the thing is on an island . the atlantic ocean is three steps east , but pile a whole bunch of grouper on fifth and 57th . . . oh he's gonna come running . g . ) you know what ? i'll stop with the list now . . . the alphabet isn't big enough anyway . the dialogue makes me wonder if producer dean devlin had his five year old do a re-write . " the kid is good ! " he must have said . maria pitillo is looking to become a name in hollywood by starring in this potential blockbuster . bad move , maria . acting doesn't get much worse than her turn as broderick's ex-flame . matthew broderick is a good actor , but you'd never give him a chance if godzilla were the only film of his you'd seen . jean reno needs to pick his american films a bit more carefully . at times , godzilla seems to be headed toward a zucker , abrahams , zucker film . ( airplane ! , naked gun . ) the jokes are indeed that bad . but just when you think the filmmakers are having fun with you , they take themselves seriously . how dare they ! godzilla would have been better if it had only thrown in visual sight gags and fart jokes . at least then we would know we were supposed to laugh . each and every character in godzilla is beyond stupid and i was really pulling for the beast to kill more of them . emmerich did do one thing , though . ( and i've no idea if it was intentional . ) he made me sympathize with godzilla . his attackers were so damn dumb that i felt sorry for him being pelted with bullets and missles . but what made me feel even sorrier for him was that his famous name will always be attatched to one of the worst films hollywood has ever produced .

capsule : this is a 1950s or 1960s style heist film , set in the present . robert deniro stars as a risk-adverse safecracker who wants to retire form crime but takes one last job at the request of a personal friend ( played by marlon brando ) . edward norton plays a hotshot young sharpster who is also in on the crime . the plot is mostly straightforward suspense with little nonsense . , +2 ( -4 to +4 ) i am sure i must have seen almost the identical plot before . this is a heist film made for an adult audience who probably wanted a crime film like they had seen in theaters when they were teens . there are no superhuman acrobats taking nosedives off of buildings like in entrapment . there is no rock score . there are no ballet- like martial arts . this is just a basic heist film with a decent and distinctly credible and un-flashy script . nick ( played by robert deniro ) is a safecracker who has managed to be successful by never taking risks . if a job is not a safe bet ( pun intended ) , he backs out . sometimes even the safe bets turn out not to be so safe . when one job very nearly goes wrong nick is unnerved enough to decide that it is nature telling him that it is time to get out of the game . he returns to his home in montreal where he owns a jazz club , and decides to manage it full time . he proposes to his girl friend diane ( angela bassett ) . she has one condition . he must stay retired from crime . but before the deal can be cemented , max , a montreal kingpin and personal friend , has one last supposedly easy job for nick . nick wants no part particularly because the heist will be right in his hometown of montreal . more and more details seem to complicate the job . nick's partner in the crime is to be a smart , but uncontrollable young crook , jack ( edward norton ) . jack treats a locked front door like a welcome mat , even at his associates' homes . the young crook is a know-it-all who seems good at everything he does but at avoiding rubbing people the wrong way . together they plan to steal a priceless historic artifact from the montreal customs house . the script by kario salem , lem dobbs , and scott marshall smith works like an episode of the old " mission impossible " television series . we see pieces of the heist being put together , last minute changes , and things that go wrong , much like a good episode of " mission impossible . " this team might not be bad choices to write scripts for the tom cruise " mission impossible " films . the complications are , however no more and no fewer than are needed to make the story believable . the telling is cold and noirish , which is just what it is supposed to be . director frank oz , the voices of yoda and miss piggy proves surprisingly good at directing a serious crime film . the score has a more than adequate cast with little flashy or scene-stealing acting . edward norton probably has the flashiest role and even that is low-key by today's standards . he plays what is nearly a double role . jack pretends to be a brain damage victim to be hired for a job in the customs house . one nice ( ? ) character i have not mentioned is stephen ( jamie harrold ) . stephen is a master hacker who lives in his mother's basement in a house with a lot of screaming in both directions . he seems like the last person the risk adverse nick would want to depend upon . the film itself remains low-key up until the time of the climactic heist . then the pace really picks up . before that the plot even stops twice for jazz interludes . though oz never lets the music steal time from the story the way woody allen does in sweet and lowdown . on the subject of music , the score of the score is by howard shore . it adds tension to the suspense scenes , but never seems to have much of a melody . angela bassett is the one misused celebrity in a totally minor role that should have been played by a less famous actress who needed a break . she has nothing to do in the film but demand that nick give up crime and to look like an attractive reward if he does . speaking of being attractive the score seems to be attracting an older audience who learned to appreciate much the same sort of film in the 1950s and 1960s . it does the job . i rate it a 7 on the 0 to 10 scale and a +2 on the -4 to +4 scale .

upon arriving at the theater during the opening credits , i took my seat and prepared myself for what appeared to be " hellraiser meets the crow " . but as soon as kiefer sutherland began speaking the narrative monologue , describing " the strangers " and their reasons for contacting human beings , i was hooked . there was something especially compelling about the nature of his voice . i knew from the start that i was going to witness the actions of his character rather than the actor attempting the character . sutherland played the role as a true veteran . upon the completion of his monologue , the camera arrives on sutherland in such a fashion that you can only wonder how long alex proyas spent on cinematography . i would imagine , for a film of this caliber , that maximum hours of work were spent where they were needed the most . the film flowed beautifully . as i was being taken through the intricate regions of the " dark city " , a clever plot began to unravel , to the point where the last time i had seen such clever plot twists were in " the usual suspects " . not to mention a series of special effects that would make james cameron literally turn green with envy . but if you're not exactly the biggest sci-fi fan , caveat emptor . get ready for the atmostpheric darkness of " 12 monkeys " or " the crow " without the boredom or depression . the concept of the plot is as mindstretching as " 12 monkeys " was , however , so be prepared and be sophisticated . and imagine a picture that finally does justice to the comic-book-gone-feature-film fad that hollywood has recently become abusive of . dark city simply puts " spawn " to shame . in fact , during the climax of the film i couldn't help but feel the strong presence of an " akira " -esque explosion throughout the general feeling of the movie . so my initial predictions were wrong . this film is anything but the meloncholy of " hellraiser " parts one through five . i'm never one to base a film entirly on special effects , so know that when i give dark city it's actually because the film contained all of the neccessary ingredients to keep me entertained and awake from storyline to plot twists to camerawork to even ( tsk , tsk ) special effects . not since contact have i recieved such deep insight into the way the human mind operates and never this year have i been so blown away . the best film i've seen all year , and easily one of the best i've ever seen

" practical magic , " is a film that is so misguided in so many ways that it makes you wonder how such talented and high-profile actors would even get involved in an embarrassing clap-trap like this one . the film stars sandra bullock and nicole kidman as sally and gillian owens , two sisters whose family comes from a long line of witches , spanning back 200 years . at the start , their parents die when they are still children , and they go to live with their two zany aunts ( stockard channing and dianne wiest ) . switch to the present day , gillian , who is the stronger , more rebellious sibling , leaves home , and meets up with a dark , abusive guy ( goran visjnic ) , while sally stays in their hometown , meets and falls in love with a sweet , caring man , has two children , and then is devastated when her husband is hit by a truck and killed ( come to think of it , she's not too devastated since she gets over it in about two minutes ) . when gillian calls sally to come get her after having another abusive spat with visjnic , they accidentally murder him , and in desperation , bury the body in the backyard of their aunts' house . add to this wildly convoluted story subplots involving the dead rising and an exorcism , not to mention a spattering of " light-hearted whimsy , " and you have a pretty good idea how messy " practical magic " is . after seeing the film , i reflected that there was not even one scene , or element , that i liked or enjoyed . it is a comedy , to be sure , but all of the humor falls astoundingly flat , and the occasional dramatic moments are the least bit touching . it is not charming or entertaining in any way . and then to top it off , we've got this dark , but bird-brained story of an evil spirit taking over gillian's body . whatever . the characters are handled terribly , and actually , most of the actors do not have the fortune of even getting to be what you could call a character . there is no reason why channing and wiest should have decided to be in this film , and in every scene involving them , they are always standing side-by-side . no attempt is made to flesh them out into actual people . the same goes for aidan quinn , as a handsome police investigator , who has the misfortune of being the romantic lead opposite bullock , even though he comes into it at around the 70-minute mark , and once again , there is no attempt to develop their relationship , or his character , in any way . in fact , every line of dialogue in the film is in service of moving the plot along , rather than getting to know the people saying the lines . i should have know i was headed for trouble during the opening credits , when i found out the screenplay was written by the deeply hated akiva goldsman , who managed to destroy the " batman " series with " batman forever " and " batman and robin . " " practical magic " is directed by griffin dunne , primarily an actor , who last year made the contrived , clumsy romance , " addicted to love , " with meg ryan and matthew broderick . i disliked that movie quite a bit , but since " practical magic " is even worse , that can only give you a taste of what a talentless filmmaker he is . i'd tell him to quit while he's ahead , but in these last two years , he's ultimately already buried himself .

wyatt earp has a lot to tell and little to say . this story of the legendary lawman runs three hours and nine minutes and that's too long for this epic-wannabe that plays more like a tv mini-series than a movie . the story opens on the earp family farm , with young wyatt ready to run away from home . he wants to fight in the civil war , but his dad ( hackman ) has different ideas and wants his son to study law . time passes and wyatt heads west , returns home to marry , and , after a spell , begins his career in law enforcement . by the time he ( costner ) and his brothers ( madsen , david andrews , and linden ashby ) arrive in tombstone , wyatt has tried his hand at everything from hunting buffalo to dealing cards . wyatt earp is very appealing in places-- such as cast , costumes , and cinematography-- but an overstated story and overpowered score deaden most of the emotional impact . who can be moved by scene after scene after scene of swelling strings and suffocating speeches ? somber is fine-- just ask clint eastwood-- but this film that boasts not one , not two , but three , count 'em three , hammy death scenes ! still , a little bit of earp goes a long way and the life and times of the legendary lawman are from uninteresting stuff . his , uh , unusual relations with women , for example , are an intriguing contrast to his character's credo of " nothing counts as much as blood . " equally amusing is a buffalo-hunting ( and skinning ! ) sequence that is decidedly non-pc . director lawrence kasdan takes a refreshingly realistic approach to the gunplay . the infamous gunfight at the ok corral is both brutal and brief , devoid of almost any theatrics . don't look for much glorified violence here . despite some large exclamation points in the story , the characters * do * come to life . the diverse cast includes everyone from betty buckley ( ! ) to mackenzie astin ( ! ! ) . kevin costner is very good in the title role . dances with whitney nevers get as steely as the role requires , though , but his transformation from lighthearted law student to stoic sheriff is fun to watch . he was tougher in a perfect world . his foil is dennis quaid , who pulled a deniro by losing 40+ pounds to play the tubercular terror doc holliday . gaunt * and * gamely , he's a scene stealer who's seen too little . other familiar faces include tom sizemore ( looking like bruce mcgill ) , bill pullman ( looking like jeff daniels ) , and lea thompson ( looking like someone other than lea thompson ) . both gene hackman and isabella rosselini appear and disappear like magic , while late entries catherine o'hara and jobeth williams are surprisingly solid . though the story and score should've tried " less is more , " all other credits are technical tops . production designer ida random , art director gary wissner , and costume designer colleen atwood are some of the vips who helped spend what must've been an enormous budget . clearly no expense was spared .

synopsis : retiring detective jerry black ( nicholson ) becomes involved in the case of a murdered girl , and promises her parents that he will find the killer . he purchases a gas station on a route he believes the killer takes , and there befriends lori ( wright penn ) and her young daughter . as jerry and lori fall in love , can he do what must be done to fulfill his pledge ? review : at first , " the pledge " appears to be just another standard , if well-executed , crime drama . it is anything but ; in its final hour , it turns the corner and becomes a riveting , terrifying study of its lead character , jerry black . penn pays attention to all the trappings of the serial killer genre , but they are just window dressing . his interest here , unequivocally , is jerry , a man so haunted by his pledge that it consumes the entirety of the his existence . at first , we see this only in small hints ; some of his habits change , for instance , and he suddenly takes up smoking in a big way . but then , when jerry buys the gas station and befriends lori , the true extent of his mania draws horrifyingly into focus . nicholson is fantastic , portraying black with rare subtlety and animus ; jerry's gradual descent into obsession is like a car wreck , a thing horrible to look at but impossible to turn away from . penn coaxes good supporting performances from much of the rest of his cast , too . only eckhart disappoints as jerry's replacement , stan ; he never seems entirely convincing , too much a tool of the plot . penn's direction is astounding , each frame looking as though it is parched -- of water , perhaps , or of sanity . it all builds up to a shattering , devastating climax which lingers uncomfortably in the mind long after the house lights have come up .

" you can't have any of this . it's all mine ! " --- a twisted priest ( charles huevelman ) hordes his tasty fried chicken while dana ( angela zimmerly ) looks on uninterested . an evil presence , appropriately named the presence ( dj vivona ) , rules over an alternate dimension where neither angels nor demons can touch him . for kicks , the presence likes to trick a human into rounding up five of his or her friends so they can all be sent to his dimension and be systematically slaughtered . when something goes wrong and one of the presence's recent victims escapes , the angels and demons are alerted to his existence and feel he is a threat that needs to be stopped . they enlist the help of alison ( ramona midgett ) , a recent suicide victim , to return to the flesh and follow the six new enlistees through the ice wall that surrounds the the nether-realm . her mission is to melt away the ice barrier and allow the angels and demons access by reminding the presence of who he once was , an ancient court jester named abraham who lost his job when his king and queen were killed . the king's sorcerer , amblyn ( who also lost his job ) , decided to take abraham under his wing as an apprentice . during the downtime in his unemployment , amblyn decided to create a new dimension where sorcery , evil , and torture ruled . abraham wished to follow his master into this new realm , so he was asked to show his devotion to the evil wizard by murdering his one true love . in this new realm , amblyn would allow abraham to pursue the sport of hunting and destroying the humans that would be brought to this realm . after each murder , abraham would become stronger , until his power surpassed that of amblyn's . because of the screw-up that allowed the recent escape , abraham was able to destroy his master and take control of the realm himself . as alison quests to find abraham and show him the errors of his ways , the six new hapless humans are allowed to live out their worst nightmares and then be brutally murdered . if there's one thing i can't stand when i see a film , it's when the film is pretentious and arty just for the sake of being pretentious and arty . films like eraserhead and begotten are two of the worst examples of this , and now ice from the sun can be added to this list . this film is essentially an 80 minute stalk-and-slash film ( following the dante's inferno idea that your hell corresponds to how you lived your life or any one of the plots to nightmare on elm street 3 through 6 ) intercut with almost 40 minutes of strange and ( supposedly ) haunting images , many of which serve more to confuse than to further the plot . if there aren't bizarre images floating past the screen , then we get pointless shots of a suicidal alison staring at her breakfast for minutes at a time or contemplating whether or not she should answer her phone . compelling , but ultimately not . the opening credits sequence is designed like a music video for some unknown industrial band featuring various random images from the film interspersed with other random images . the credits run the entire length of the song which is almost five minutes and the actual cast listing and other credit information doesn't pop up until near the end of the sequence . when the opening credits began i thought my vcr had accidentally cut off and a interstitial from mtv2 had found its way to my tv . at least the music in the film is pretty decent , made up of mostly industrial and hard rock music and even features a song by ramona midgett . at the beginning of the film it is established that the presence possesses supernatural powers like shooting bullets out of the palms of his hands and decapitating people by waving his hand in front of them ( and he talks like a darth vader clone without the heavy breathing ) . for some reason though , he delegates all of his main stalkings to what seems like the supporting cast of deliverance . one over-alled cretin handles the presence's gravedigging and likes to chop peoples heads off with his shovel , then there's an inbred father ( dwight spurgin ) and his two inbred children ( mark kettler and jennifer poirrier-wallace ) that take care of a young woman who has been transformed into a half dog-half human mix with a shotgun , and of course a big truck driving guy that likes to tie people up naked to the back of his vehicle and drag them across stone roads before pouring salt all over their wounds . why would you want to give responsibilities to a bunch of " rednecks " when you yourself had all of these cool powers ? and how is it that the fellow that screws over all of his buddies is able to round up exactly five friends to complete the number of people required to enter the realm at exactly the same time ? i can barely get more than two together all at once at any given moment . the most ridiculous segment though comes right before the aforementioned dragging/salting sequence . the character in question , dana ( angela zimmely ) , has her turn up to be killed and is standing at the front of a movie theater in which the presence is seated . a priest holding two naked dirty humans on leashes walks in and sits down next to a large platter of fried chicken . he picks up the entire platter and starts to enjoy the chicken , taunting dana as she looks on with no interest whatsoever . when she starts to leave , the priest chides her for going before the performance starts and then something that looks like a either a creature from a gwar show or a terry gilliam animation from monty python come to life , walks out , and makes like it wants to be crucified by her . the presence starts to clap annoyingly ( which continues for the rest of the sequence ) until dana takes off with the strange creature following her . when it finally catches up to her , she stabs it in its giant eyeball and is covered in slimy glop that spurts from the ruptured organ . the box for the film claims " because of the horrifying nature of the motion picture , parental discretion is advised for persons under the age of 18 . contains nudity and graphic violence " . while both is certainly true , there doesn't seem to be much of either in any large amounts . besides a loving close up of a spurting neck stump , a semi-graphic self-surgery scene , and two instances of head trauma ( one run over and one melting ) , most of the gore is just of the spraying blood or bloody wound covered body variety . as for nudity , it is very sparse , but at least we get to see angela zimmerly ( far and away the most attractive cast member ) before her body is bruised , torn , and bloodied by the dragging incident . ice from the sun has been released on vhs by www . b-movie . com . it has been presented in in full-frame only and the transfer ( for a film shot a good deal in 8mm ) is pretty decent . besides the decent soundtrack ( which is also available from www . b-movie . com ) , a making-of video is also available called on thin ice . i haven't had the opportunity to see the documentary , but i actually would have been interested to see what the set was like while all of the shots were being filmed , if only to see how director eric stanze ( director of a similar cult film called savage harvest ) , conducted the atmosphere on set .

synopsis : private detective tom welles is hired by a wealthy widow to uncover the origins of a snuff film owned by her late husband . after uncovering the authenticity of the film , welles descends into an underground world of perverse pornographers seeking vigilante revenge on the filmmakers . comments : 8 mm is one of the more disturbing mainstream movies i have seen in a long time . though it doesn't present a snuff film ( a movie which documents a person's murder for real , usually during or after some form of sexual act ) as explicitly as the cult classic mute witness and violence as shockingly as , say , natural born killers , 8 mm stays in your head long after you see it . it is not fun to watch ; see something else if you get upset by realistic , sadistic violence . this film's violence and perverse sexuality skirts closely into nc-17 territory . for those with strong stomachs , however , 8 mm is an intelligent , worthwhile thriller , especially during its second hour . nicolas cage , after a couple ho-hum movies , returns to material which allows him to utilize his strong acting abilities . as tom welles , a private detective and caring family man to a wife and newly-born daughter , cage skillfully and convincingly portrays a decent man whose unwavering energy slowly transforms into obssession and violence as he is pulled into a nightmarish world of underground pornographers and brutal sexual deviants . serving as a guide to this world is joaquin phoenix , who plays a struggling songwriter named max california . california , despite his name , is a surprisingly intelligent and complex character , and phoenix does a very good job at slowly pulling the audience to sympathy for the character . the real star of the movie , though , must be peter stormare . stormare played the " really , really evil guy " in fargo , and his character , dino velvet , in this movie seems about ten times more evil and unpredictable . his performance is very chilling . 8 mm's success may hardly be surprising . it was directed by joel schumacher , who , hopefully , saw this film as an apology for the absolutely dreadful batman and robin . before directing the last two batman duds , however , schumacher was responsible for several well-made horror flicks : lost boys , flatliners , and falling down . 8 mm certainly joins the rank of these minor classics and is perhaps most reminiscent of falling down in that both films present an average man who self-destructs before the audience's eyes . 8 mm was written by andrew kevin walker , who also penned the academy award-winning thriller seven a few years back . like seven , 8 mm is full of dialogue which haunts you well after leaving the theater . welles is searching for answers . how could anyone possibly drug and then slowly , methodically , sadistically kill a teenaged girl to make a film ? when confronting one of the perpretrators at the end , the murderer responds that there are no reasons . he just enjoys it . that , walker seems to suggest , is where the real terror lays : not in the crime itself but in the fact that rational motives do not exist . a couple minor faults led me to my four-star rating ( five stars is the highest rating i give ) . one , i found it a little difficult , early on , to accept the fact that a hardened private detective would get physically disgusted when first seeing a snuff film . yes , snuff is a horrible thing , but a detective of welles' caliber has probably encountered awful things before . second , some of the clues welles gathers are too convenient . he discovers , for example , the victim's diary in her private bathroom , despite the fact the the police , the fbi , and her own mother have all investigated the room before . finally , the closing scene seemed trite and improbable considering the rest of the film . despite the above criticisms , 8 mm is an engrossing story . one of the best scenes in the film occurs toward the end as a crazed welles , who no longer seems like a hero , brutally beats one of the pornographers responsible for the snuff film . he pulls a gun on the man and , for a relatively long amount of time , struggles to decide whether or not to kill him . he then leaves the building and calls the victim's mother , in the middle of the night , to basically see if she would support the action . the entire scene is tense , unpredictable , and emotionally charged . rarely , anymore , do horror films or thrillers provoke suspense in me as 8 mm , with scenes like this , did . 8 mm is most certainly not for the faint of heart . this is a graphic , oftentimes unflinching , look into the darkness which resides in both ordinary and extraordinary people . if you're prepared for a film of this nature , i give it an enthusiastic recommendation .

at one point in this movie there is a staging of an opera that goes completely wrong . but one member of the crowd stands up and cheers , thinking the performance was planned , and applauding it for their efforts . that's " dirty work " in a nutshell . a very different kind of movie . this is not a movie that i can easily review . the critic in me analyzes the structure , plot , acting , characters . . . and tells me this movie is terrible . but the norm macdonald fan in me had me rolling on the floor laughing . this movie plays more like an hbo sketch comedy than a movie . it's a one note concept . mitch and sam need $50000 in order to bribe a doctor to give their father a heart transplant before other more needy patients . realizing they are very good at revenge plots , they open a revenge for hire business , eventually running afoul of a rich businessman played by christopher macdonald ( who after roles in " happy gilmore " and " veronica's closet " seems typcast in this role ) , who sends them to destroy a building that mitch learns is the home of his girlfriend's grandmother , thus leading them to plot against the rich businessman on the night of the grand opening of a new opera house . first the critic in me . the plot is the standard poor guy vs evil rich guy device , where the main character meets the girl of his dreams along the way . here's the catch . none of the characters are sympathetic . they're all selfish jerks who don't care who they hurt in their attempts to do whatever they want . the jokes are juvenile , crude , appealing to the worst elements in people . there's jokes about prostitutes , the homeless , beastiality , anal sex . there's even a subplot that's developed , it seems , only to make jokes about infidelity and incest . and i loved watching it . i was a huge fan of norm macdonald's sarcastic , to-the-point comedy on saturday night live , and this movie is an hour and a half of it . norm macdonald takes a joke , strips it to the core , and tells it like it is with a dry wit . like the scene were he and his friend are learning the ropes at a new construction job . the foreman goes over the basics , which mitch and sam don't understand . how do they get out of it ? by admiting they lied on their resumes , and don't know a thing about construction ! and surprise , they get fired . the characters are incredibly mean-spirited . there's a father who's loud and obnoxious , a gambling addicted doctor played by chevy chase who tells sam of his father's condition by saying " if i were a gambling man i'd put a lot of money on death . " the businessman cole who always has his dog spunky , and does who knows what with it . and then there's mitch and sam , who , thinking they can get $50000 by destroying a building , ponder how their actions would ruin the lives of the residents . " too bad we have to do it , " mitch says . here's a movie where every joke that is executed as it is set up , where you see every punchline coming , where every spot profanity could be used and then is used . at least the film is honest , and makes no mistake that it is anything more than idiotic . but at least it isn't dull , and it isn't predictable . and that's the way it should be . it's sketch comedy , and if you're a fan of norm macdonald , you'll love it . the jokes are crude , the characters are mean to the core , the attitude of the movie is that it just doesn't care . if you don't like norm macdonald , or stupid movies , then you probably won't like this one . the jokes are crude , the characters are mean to the core , the attitude of the movie is that it just doesn't care . so before seeing this one , tune your mindset , and prepare for a slew of norm macdonald humor , gay animal sex , prison rape jokes , uncaring characters , and one last performance from chris farley . the critic in me says ( * ) but i give it an 8 ( * * * ) . i just couldn't stop laughing .

susan granger's review of " hearts in atlantis " ( castle rock/warner bros . ) timing is everything , and the timing just seems right for this poignant psychological drama that combines the coming-of-age nostalgia of " stand by me " with the mystical power of " the green mile . " based on stephen king stories adapted by screenwriter william goldman and directed by scott hicks , it's set in 1960 in harwich , connecticut , where fatherless 11 year-old bobby garfield ( anton yelchin ) lives in a boarding house with his resentful , self-centered mother ( hope davis ) . he's devoted to his neighborhood friends ( mika boorem , will rothhaar ) but his pivotal relationship is with a strange , new tenant , ted brautigan ( anthony hopkins ) who opens the world of literature to him after his selfish mother refuses to buy him a birthday gift and hands him , instead , a library card . knowing he's longing for a schwinn bike , ted offers to pay him $1 a week to read him the local newspaper and keep his eyes peeled for signs of the malevolent , ominous low men who are chasing him to exploit his special powers . the story structure consists of one long flashback , framed by the present , featuring the adult bobby ( david morse ) , minimizing the supernatural elements while emphasizing the human drama hopkins' mysterious character is genteel , sensitive and benignly seductive . the only explanation is that he's a psychic who is wanted by the fbi to aid in their hunt for communists and even that seems appropriate , given the inexplicable state of the world right now . the production values and performances are solid , particularly hopkins - arguably the finest , most versatile actor of our era - and the children with whom he forges a firm bond . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10 , " hearts in atlantis " is a wistful , enigmatic 8 , evolving with subtle power to an emotionally effective catharsis .

in december of 1996 , a little movie called " scream , " was released , became a box-office smash , and resurrected films targeted at teens . first , it was teen slasher movies that were the big fad ( both " scream " movies , " i know what you did last summer , " " urban legend , " etc . ) , but just recently , the popularity has switched over to the teen comedy genre ( a 'la '80s john hughes ) , starting with last june's " can't hardly wait . " it may be the first week of april in 1999 , but so far this year we have been given a movie aimed at the 25-and-under market almost every single week : " varsity blues , " " jawbreaker , " " cruel intentions , " " simply irresistible , " " the rage : carrie 2 , " and " the mod squad . " coming april 9 are two more of this type : " never been kissed " and " go , " and on april 23 , we've got the teen satire " election " and the teen horror-comedy " idle hands . " jeesh ! out of all of these moves , however , the one that is most similar to the latest incarnation , " 10 things i hate about you , " is this past january's mediocre , ho-hum " she's all that . " although similar in plotting ( ok , darn near identical ) , " 10 things i hate about you , " a modern-day version of shakespeare's " the taming of the shrew " ( " she's all that " got its inspiration from " pygmalion " ) , is an infinitely superior film in every department , from the smart direction by first-time feature director gil junger to the charming and well-written screenplay by karen mccullah lutz and kirsten smith to the striking ensemble cast , who give the best group of performances in a teen comedy since 1985's " the breakfast club . " and to top it all off , in the inevitable climax set at the prom , at least we didn't have to once again suffer through a goofy , inappropriate dance sequence ( who could forget , or want to remember , for that matter , this ludicrous development in " she's all that ? " ) . the day wide-eyed , shy new student cameron james ( joseph gordon-levitt ) starts school at seattle-based padua high , he is swept away at the sight of the beautiful and popular sophomore , bianca stratford ( larisa oleynik ) . although he doesn't know french , he purposefully learns some of it just so he can tutor her , but finds that her paranoid gynecologist father ( larry miller ) won't allow her to date until her bitter , unconventional older sister , kat ( julia stiles ) , a senior , decides to . kat , of course , has sworn off the likes of boys , but cameron sets out to find someone that will be the perfect match for her , which is exactly what he finds in the form of the rebellious patrick verona ( heath ledger ) . complicating matters , cameron's dorky friend , michael ( david krumholtz ) , decides to use a wealthy jock , joey ( andrew keegan ) , who also has his sights set on bianca , as a pawn so that he will pay patrick to get kat to go out with him , and then cameron hopes to steal bianca away from joey . as you can see , " 10 things i hate about you " includes a huge number of characters , some of which i haven't even mentioned , such as kat's shakespeare-obsessed friend , mandella ( susan may pratt ) and bianca's materialistic comrade , chastity ( gabrielle union ) . at a short , but well-used running time of 98 minutes , all of the characters are perfectly handled , satisfyingly developed , and , for the most part , are not treated as caricatures ( another flaw of " she's all that , " where the bad guys ( and gals ) ran around constantly saying , " you're vapor " ) . since i could sympathize with the realistic depictions of the central characters , and since many of the comedic and dramatic scenes were surprisingly effective , i got completely caught up in all of the relationships and was thoroughly entertained . aside from a good screenplay , it's the performances that can make or break a movie , and director junger has really hit the jackpot . aside from joseph gordon-levitt ( " 3rd rock from the sun " ) , who gives his strongest performance to date here , none of the actors are that well-known , but it is this aspect that brings a particular freshness to the proceedings . as the main character of kat , julia stiles ( last seen in the miniseries " the '60s " ) is marvelous and always believable , and certainly has a bright future ahead of her . even though it is her role that is initially the most difficult and hard-edged , it was easy to identify with kat's way of thinking ( she is against the silly tradition of the prom and loves reading sylvia plath ) , and i completely admired her individuality . no one , i think , could have portrayed her as perfectly as stiles does . heath ledger , as the infamous bad-boy of the town , injects much life into patrick , and has a lot of chemistry with stiles . one other actor of note is larisa oleynik who , with the help of screenwriters lutz and smith , is able to turn bianca into a person with multi-dimensions , even though she is accurately self-centered at the on-set . in one truthful scene , cameron angrily asks her if she has always been so selfish , and bianca grudgingly realizes that yes , she has . one off-beat element of the film , and a source of some hearty laughs , is the way that the school's staff act , which is strikingly unformal . allison janney , as the guidance counselor ms . perky , who is writing a trashy harlequin romance novel , is comic dynamite , as is daryl " chill " mitchell as the english teacher , who reads shakespeare to the class in rap and , at one point , sends kat to the office because , for once , she actually thinks one of his assignments is really good . although there are a few cheap laughs that are thrown into the film near the beginning , most of it actually works , especially in the humorous and witty dialogue exchanges and quirks between the characters . in one very funny scene , chastity asks , " i know people can be overwhelmed , and they can be underwhelmed , but can people just be . . . whelmed ? " at another point , bianca and kat's father ( a stand-out larry miller ) , who is constantly terrified that his daughters are going to get pregnant , only allows bianca to go to the prom on one occasion : before she leaves , she has to put on the heavy fat suit he has so she will get an idea of what it's like to be pregnant . " 10 things i hate about you " once and for all proves that there is still life in the teen comedy genre , and this movie is probably more reminiscent of the great john hughes than any other film of the '90s . it also helps that the movie has a perfectly-assembled soundtrack , mixing indie-rock with new wave '80s songs ( and with , thank goodness , no rap ) . by the film's end , it actually had me rooting for certain characters to get together , and i was also quite pleased with how everything was wrapped up , especially in the final scenes involving kat and bianca , kat and her father , and a flawlessly-acted and moving sequence in which kat gets up to read the poem she has written for her english class ( this is where the title comes from ) . luckily , i doubt i would be able to find ten things i hate about " 10 things i hate about you , " but the positive aspects of the film far out-number ten .

few films in 1999 have divided the critical consensus as sharply as alan parker's adaptation of frank mccourt's memoir angela's ashes . many dismissed it as an humorless , sentimentalized , uninteresting version of the hugely popular novel ; others hailed it as a heartfelt , sincere portrait of the human spirit . i'm somewhere in between , leaning strongly towards the latter . it's certainly well-made and it never becomes tedious like some literary adaptations have a tendency to be . but i have a feeling that parker filled the movie with pseudo-lyrical shots of rain falling on the homely streets of ireland just so it can have the two-and-a-half hour running time that screams " i'm important ! " mccourt's book of the same name was about him and his family moving from the us to ireland in the early 1900's , a time when most people were desperately trying to get into the us . as he comments , " we were the only irishfolk to say goodbye to the statue of liberty . " in ireland , frank ( played by joe breen as a small child ) , his 3 brothers , his mother angela ( emily watson ) and his father malachy ( robert carlyle ) get financial help from angela's mother , a stereotypically strict catholic who chides her daughter for marrying a northern irishman . she helps them get a rat-infested apartment and malachy goes looking for a job . positions are scarce and when he does finally find one , he is unable to hold on to it because of his fondness for drinking . meanwhile , frank goes to an uptight catholic school , where the instructors beat students with blunt wooden objects as often as their heart desires . two of frank's brothers soon die , crippled by the dreadful living conditions and malnutrition . as if the poverty and the suffering weren't intense enough as it stood , malachy and angela have another baby , worsening the situation further . i imagine this doesn't sound like much of a plot . that's probably because it isn't one . these are people . this is their story . director alan parker ( the commitments ) knows how to tell a good story and angela's ashes , despite its relentlessly literary tone remains interesting . though the film occasionally indulges too much in its gloomily picturesque irish setting , it avoids looking like a glorified travelogue . supplementing parker's able direction are the engaging , often poignant performances of the leads , some of them seasoned thespians , others relative beginners . carlyle , the charismatic british actor who has shown astonishing range by hopping from the lead in a rowdy slapstick comedy to the villain in a james bond movie and now to sentimental melodrama , perfectly portrays his rather pathetic character . we empathize with the guy , but we don't like or admire him . emily watson turns in a heartfelt , sincere supporting performance . it is mostly she who implants that lump in our throats . also worthy of mention is little joe breen , whose face graces the film's superb poster . it is breen's first feature film and he's extraordinary as young frank . not unlike sudden oscar darling haley joel osment of the sixth sense , you can peer into the character's soul through breen's sad eyes . on the flip side , one thing that could have vastly improved angela's ashes is a more decisive editor . while gerry hambling sure makes the most of the scenery , he and parker also leave in at least a half an hour of unnecessary footage . the first half , especially , could have been trimmed down , bringing the film to a more reasonable running time and doing our bladders a favor in the process . things pick up at about the halfway point , sort of dismissing a lot of the criticisms i accumulated during the opening hour , but i maintain that the aggressively deliberate pace parker and co . set in the first half was ludicrously unnecessary . * spoiler warning ! skip next paragraph if in suspense ! * the film's final message is somewhat conflicted , as frankie , in effect , leaves his family famished in ireland while he himself goes back to america . what , exactly , are we supposed to make of that ? his mother doesn't seem to mind because she wants the best possible future for her son , as any mother would , but it still seems inconsiderate of him . i haven't read the book , but i'm sure that mccourt justifies his actions therein ; therefore , i'm suspicious . another thing that's never made clear in the movie is the meaning of the title , which , i'm sure , is also explained in the memoir . if seen as a film onto itself , rather than an adaptation , angela's ashes stands tall . despite a few minor setbacks , it is a captivating story of people forced to live in the trenches by an merciless society where those of weaker character are shoved to the bottom of the financial ladder .

don't let this movie fool you into believing the romantic noirs of william shakespeare . no one will truly understand the heart and soul of this man except through his work , and this movie makes a vain attempt at that . any moves to ? glamorise' his life , which hollywood has an annoying tendency to do , will only subtract from his achievement rather than expound on his greatness . this movie about his life , although well written , puts too much make-up on a man whose life was probably more pork and potatoes , rather than lobster and champagne . oh well , let's fantasise onwards an assume that he was a bit of a flirtatious play-write , who falls in love with a beautiful woman ( gwyneth paltrow ) and from her inspiration , several plays develop - ? romeo and juliet' , and ? the twelfth night' . it is easier for me to believe that he had a wet dream and that's how all his plays develop , but please spare me all of this unnecessary melodrama . but i guess my version probably wouldn't draw a crowd or make a dollar on screen . so is there any justification in romanticising the man shakespeare , when all we need to do is read his work in order to find his soul . i think not . as for the oscars were they deserved by this movie ? i think not . in many aspects ? private ryan' and ? life is beautiful' were far superior movies , but one should never assume that this should be a criteria for winning an oscar , as time and again , for reasons unexplained , an undeserving movie will win the accolade . another sore point is the fact that gwyneth won the best female lead , over a more polished cate , but i guess if you go on enough about your grandfather dying and your nephew being hospitalised - people will start feeling sorry for you .

okay , i just don't know why , but i seem to be getting this diversion to disney-made real-life actors movies . . . as well as real-life acting tim allen movies . i couldn't even make it through " the santa clause , " so why did i even see this ? ( just to make an idle point , i did like " toy story , " but that was good ) also , i have this aversion to bad french farces , and if they remake them into american films . well , this is my excuse : it was prom night , i'm not a prom person , my best friend and i impulsively went to the drive-ins where they were playing " grosse pointe blank " - wouldn't mind seeing it again - but i had to suffer through this first . i agreed to go . ugh . in all fairness , i can say that at least this inane plot wasn't dreamed by an american . it was originally a french film released in america under the pseudonym of " little indian , big city " ( french title - " un indien dans la ville " ) . i stayed away from it like it was limburgher , and according to roger ebert , that was a good idea . but i can only imagine how bad that must be if this is an improvement . the stupid plot concerns a father who just learns he has a son from his current marriage . let me clarify : his wife ( jobeth williams ) left him years ago , and i mean years - around 13 or so - and went to an island in the carribean or something . he goes to her to finally get the divorce papers signed so he can remarry this . . . thing ( played with an emphasis on over-done by lolita davidovitch , who is usually good ) . she tells him he has a son as his boatman goes off . he meets him , he has a weird name ( mimi seku , i think . . . or as the bad joke goes - " mitsubishi " - laugh track cue ) , he knows english , they fish , more bad jokes , pirhanna joke , the kid has a pet spider , he makes a promise to take him to the statue of liberty . . . you know the drill . now this is where the plot complicates ( well , complicates for this one , at least ) : the fish-out-of-water joke switches from tim allen on an island to his island son in new york city . tim is a stock broker and his coffee profits are plunging because his laptop died and he wasn't able to communicate with his assistant or whatever he is - martin short . a russian mob is tossed into the plot somewhere ( how come in every hokey french import , there is a mob ? ! ) tim learns a lesson of life from his son and we discover that cellular phones can operate on an island even though there are no sockets to recharge the batteries . the story is crap , the jokes are hokey and not really funny , and the actors have to struggle to make it interesting . but the material is so fowl that even a rewrite by quentin tarantino couldn't help it . the whole time , i kept thinking that a grown person had to think this up and several more grown people had to do this . at the end of filming , did they all scream out , " we've made a great movie , guys ! " i sure hope not . big question to get from this film : why would someone want to remake what was billed as one of the worst films of all time if they're just going to do it the exact same way ? huh ? my ( for some of the actors' names and a joke or two that made me chuckle , i guess . . . okay , so i really feel bad for it , so i only gave it one star )

i can imagine how good krippendorf's tribe must have looked on paper . it does not surprise me in the least that a group of extremely talented actors , led by the great richard dreyfuss and a good director ( todd holland ) , all wanted to make this film . in fact , it is only the expertise by which this excruciatingly bad script has been executed that keeps me from suggesting that you stay as far away from krippendorf's tribe as possible . in retrospect , i can imagine how bad this film could have been . i shudder at the possibilities of awfulness had it starred an actor less able than dreyfuss . dreyfuss plays james krippendorf , an anthropologist who is granted $100 , 000 by his university to find an undiscovered tribe in new guinea . halfway into his two-year expedition , his wife ( apparently ) dies . i say apparently because when or how she dies is never truly established . later , we find out that much of the grant money was spent on big-screen tvs and other such pleasures . so , when krippendorf finds out what happens to professors who do not use their grant money wisely , he decides to construct an elaborate lie . he makes his own tribe , using his three children as actors in a video . he simply makes up certain incredible facts about this tribe ( which he calls the shelmickedmu ) . audiences at krippendorf's lectures are amazed by his findings that the shelmickedmu practice circumcision . and proof that the typical family unit is led by a single father is truly amazing to the anthropological community . like all films like this , the lie becomes more and more complex , and the suspense is generated with us wondering at what point it is all going to fall out from under our hero . dreyfuss is a funny , talented man , and he is funny in this film . he has lots of positive energy and , unlike most comical actors , really manages to play people like this realistically . this film also requires a lot of physical humor that i've never seen dreyfuss perform , and he does a great job . jenna elfman , who plays veronica mecilli , a scientist who wants in on krippendorf's work , is also very funny and appealing here . and the kid actors are great , as well . but we're talking about the script from hell . this is one of those stories that requires such extreme suspension of disbelief that they might as well have established that the story just takes place in an alternate universe where things like this can happen . but the ridiculousness of the story is not really what is so bad about it . all the cliches and the irritating plot devices could have easily been overcome by dreyfuss and crew . no , the script is plagued with so many clueless stereotypes and mean-spirited characters that i was in disbelief as i watched . furthermore , the manor in which all of this material is covered up is truly shameless . take , for instance , the scene in which krippendorf gets veronica drunk so he can tape them having sex . they get all decked out in the tribe getup , complete with paint to darken their skin . krippendorf does this because he needs footage of the mating rituals of his tribe . now , i saw this scene coming from a mile away , but i said to myself , " no , that would be far too tasteless . there's no way they'll do that . . . oh god ! " they did do it . it's there . i was almost more appalled by the fact that this didn't bother the other audience members with whom i saw this film . i found it deplorable . and when krippendorf is forced to admit that he did it , he simply apologizes without the slightest hint of conviction in his voice . the film is filled with scenes like these . they not only insult the audience , but they insult the types of people that the film portrays . it would take some truly professional work to create videos convincing enough to fool an entire community of scientists , yet krippendorf does it easily in an afternoon . and watching dreyfuss stumble over a completely unprepared speech is funny and entertaining , but i think that most members of the on-screen audience would be able to see that he is making everything up as he goes . if i were an anthropologist , this film would insult me immensely . moving right along , the film plays off every stereotype our culture has ever learned regarding african tribes . sure , dreyfuss dressing up like a chief is really funny , and it allows for some entertaining scenes , but the heart of this material is deeply clueless as to the themes and thoughts that it provokes . it is because of dreyfuss as an actor that i was able to watch this film . his character here is not a good subject for a film because he is a shameless liar , and never once does he show any kind of penance for what he does . i suppose it was interesting to see the formula defied in this case , but for the purposes of good taste , i would have expected something . no , this man sets a terrible example for his kids and colleagues , and the writer of the film ( charlie peters ) didn't include a single scene in which krippendorf takes his kids aside and tells them that what he is doing is very bad . in fact , it's his eldest daughter that frequently tells him that he is doing the wrong thing , and he continually shrugs off her warnings . i suppose it's important to admit that this is a funny film . dreyfuss and elfman , and many of the contrived and insulting scenes , add up to a picture that is anything but boring . and if you're less serious than i , you probably will enjoy it . i , however , can't get past these elements . krippendorf's tribe is being marketed as a family comedy , but this is the kind of film that teaches the kids of our society faulty lessons that they shouldn't be learning . with a little more insight into its story and themes , this could have been a good movie .

" stuart little " is one of the best family films to come out this year . it's a cute , funny and very good-natured film that has nothing for parents to squirm over except a few mild cusswords . though i read the book a long time ago and i really do not remember what it was about , i do know that this film does not disappoint . finally a movie gets released that is as good as the trailer makes it to be , with a few surprising twists , some very funny moments , and a few sentimental moments all mixed in to one great little movie . stuart little is a mouse . he has finally gotten a new home after being put up for adoption , he now lives with the littles . a nice little ( no pun intended ) family that lives in their apartment next to central park in new york city . they have a little boy george ( played by the adorable jonathan lipnicki ) and now they have a new son . at first stuart takes a while but he finally adjusts to being part of the family and even getting along with the pet cat . george doesn't take too well to having a mouse for a brother at first , but once the two play together they instantly bond . stuart however is missing something , and he wants to know who his real parents are . the littles try and find his parents and one day they show up on the doorstep wanting stuart back . hesitating the littles know what's best for stuart and so does snowball the pet cat , he and his friends try to get stuart but in the end we find out the truth about stuart's past ending up to a sentimental and very heart-warming ending . one thing i noticed about the film instantly was the fantastic special effects . just like in " star wars : episode 1--the phantom menace " stuart little and his family are all computer generated and they look fantastically real . from the detail of their fur , to the detail of the way the walk ; the special effects team put a lot of time and effort on this $90 million dollar film and it shows . another movie that this has in common with is " babe " with it's talking animals and people understanding them . it has a family friendly atmosphere and is never really scary or suspenseful enough to even scare the youngest of kids . michael j . fox does the voice of stuart himself and just like in the " homeward bound " movies does a fantastic job and brings more out of stuart than anyone else could . he to me fits the character perfectly and ends up making stuart even more lovable . another gem of the film is nathan lane as snowball . when he was timon in 1994's " the lion king " i would have sworn he was a comedian , and now in " stuart little " he brings the most out of snowball and makes him one of those characters we love to dislike . for the human actors geena davis who never gives a bad performance does not disappoint here as well . she fits nicely in her character and there is a good chemistry between her and hugh laurie who plays mr . little . both make us believe they are happily in love and married and jonathan lipnicki as their song is even more adorable than he was in 1996's " jerry maguire " . even though stuart little is completely cgi , the human characters and stuart have a nice chemistry together and even makes us believe they really do care for each other . " stuart little " is ideal family entertainment for this holiday season and will not disappoint youngsters or adults for that matter . we get entertainment , laughs , cries and more fun at the movies this season than probably any other movie . its nice to see a pg rated movie out at christmas that everyone can see . even though it has a $90 million dollar budget i'm sure it will make over that or just below it respectively . for all you parents out there trying to find a good family movie , i have yet to see bicentennial man as i write this but as far as i know " stuart little " and " toy story 2 " are by far the best family films this year . a winner . ?

this is a film about secrets , some that are innocent like those of a cute little farm girl , frances boyd ( ashley ) . others that are between a married couple that is impacting their relationship , like the problems of infertility affecting this upwardly mobile couple , geoffrey gaines ( stephen ramsey ) , the medical researcher working for a big corporation called fex and striving to get a patent for his experiment and become recognized in his field , and his artist wife , lillian ( miriam healy-louie ) , who reluctantly stands behind her husband suppressing her natural artistic tendencies in order to make the marriage work . and , still other secrets that have a greater implication for the world and are deadly in a political sense , of science carried out by the big corporations like it was a business run for the bottom line . receiving a summer grant to study " chemo-electric therapy , " geoffrey and his wife are hoping that a summer spent away from the intensity of the big city will bring back the romance that is dwindling from their marriage and that the casualness of the country atmosphere will give them more time together , as their three-year marriage has become shaky because he is more interested in his work than he is in her . he has slyly managed to keep his work as secretive as possible by locking himself in the lab , which is off limits to her , as he secretly goes about conducting experiments on rats and mice , convincing her that what he is doing is to benefit humanity with possible new treatments and cures to illnesses . his main argument is , that this is what the public wants , they don't want to hear about how some animals had to die because of these experiments , they just want the benefits of science . that he is depicted as a monster creating another monster , much like frankenstein was created , is the argument skewed by the director against his bad science ( science as a business ) as opposed to the good science ( science that cares about the small farmer ) , which is represented by the handsome and almost perfect gentleman , alex vine ( david ) , a young ecologist who chooses to work in the field , trying to get the farmers to go back to organic farming . he is hired by the university to monitor the dangers of pesticides and all the chemicals the farmer is almost forced to use to survive financially , as it is doing irreparable harm to him and the consumer because of all the health risks attached to this new way of farming , methods that have just come about in the last thirty- years and are being pushed by the big companies to enhance their profit margins . the third view in all this is the artist's , represented by lillian , who points out that the artist's work is shown in public and scrutinized constantly , " why shouldn't the same be true of the scientist ? " she argues that the artist is the watchdog for the public , questioning what is good or evil in society , something that bad science has completely ignored . geoffrey , impatient to get ahead with his research , feels bogged down by the bureaucrats in his firm who fail to provide him with the three chimps he needs to experiment on , as he contacts one of the company's higher ups to argue his case , but decides he can't wait any longer for their help , so he sets an animal trap in the countryside and catches chester , the gorgeous pet dog of frances , a dog that means so much to her and her family because he saved her life . while out in the field with the bloodied trapped dog already in the back seat of his car , he is spotted by alex and one of his co-workers , and nervously invites them to dinner with his wife , afraid that alex will spot what he is doing , as he rushes away from the area . in the dinner scene that was , unfortunately , flatly done , but was nevertheless the heart of the film , as all the main characters get a chance to speak out from the point of view they represent as they eat meat , a means of getting protein that the radical scientists have eschewed since they became so politically correct about everything . the scientists engage in a rational argument , highlighting their different points of view , while lillian reacts in an emotional way , siding mostly with david's view but coming at it from a much different angle . it was as if the actors were puppets on strings that the director controlled and they just spewed out their generalized philosophies . that the director's point of view is absolutely right , is beside the point . the point is that the characters lost their humanity and became one-dimensional characters . geoffrey was likened to a hideous monster , alex vine was likened to his last name , the one who holds fast to the ground ensuring that the plant has stability , while lillian was likened to the muse of poetry and art , the inspiration for goodness and beauty . alex has been spending a lot of time together with lillian , as these two seem to share the same views and are physically attracted to each other , but when the time is ripe for an affair to take place between them , lillian changes her mind and decides not to go up to alex's apartment . geoffrey is already suspicious of alex and considers him an enemy , and the marriage seems to be coming apart and all his cunning tricks to possess her are no longer working , as it is now impossible to see any good in him and there becomes no reason why she would remain with him . the relationship has disintegrated way beyond the point of her just feeling lonely . the dog is discovered by alex and her in a deplorable state after geoffrey is seen by them electrically shocking it , and mercifully the dog dies . the only thing left for her to do is walk out of the marriage , but she also fails to respond to david's loving gesture for her to stay with him , instead opting to head back to the city . the farmer whose dog was tortured to death comes into the scientist's lab and knocks him cold while he was in the middle of a phone conversation with one of the higher-ups who told him all the animals he needs are on the way . what is progress ? what can one expect out of life ? is the small farmer about to become extinct ? the answers to these questions can best be answered by either good science or art , which are both closely related to the american natives vision of a world entrusted to mankind so that he can respect it and take care of it and enrich it with his creations to benefit mankind in a peaceful way . that this work fails to be subtle and polarizes opinions , leaving no room for deeper arguments , is the shame of this decent and smart film , that tried so hard to say what it felt it had to say but said it so loudly without trusting its audience to catch on to its message by not making everything seem so black and white . no telling said a lot about the harmful trends it sees science going in ; it probably said too much and would have been better off if its vision was more poetical and less didactic . there is something about listening to a lecture that turns off the rebel in me , as i don't like being hit in the head with the truth but prefer to have it presented in the form that leads to inspiration or told metaphorically . that is not to say that i found the film without considerable merit , that inspite of its shortcomings , it was worth seeing because of its visual statements , though they were also not too subtle , they were at least effective in setting up the intense mood that the film needed to show that there is a mental war going on currently , of those who believe one way is right and others who differ with them , and that anyone who is neutral must be considered an enemy because of their indifference . the stakes in this ecological struggle are that high . perhaps the most powerful visual statement in the film , was the dead cow from pesticides shown in the opening scene . it was the image that lillian spent her time painting all summer and had the same affect for her as did the animal faces in picasso's guernica had for him . both artists envisioned the horrors that man could do against the world , and represented this unspoken pain on the faces of the animals so that anyone who cares to really see what is going on , will not mistake which side of the fence he or she should be on . the pain that lillian feels , as she forgets about her desires to raise a family , and she stares at her painting of the cow and the song , " make the world go away " blares out from the background , after she has learned that frances' beautiful and loving dog has been brutalized by her monster of a husband , all in the name of science , had a raw power to it that personalizes the dangers of bad science . perhaps , the most pertinent question the film asks , requires an answer that must be resolved by the farmers and the consumers who are most caught in the changing world and its new way of doing business , as the question becomes , can science be happily married with art ?

i know that " funnest " isn't a word . " fun " is a noun , and therefore cannot be conjugated like an adjective . but that's the word that came to me right after viewing " chicken run . " no wonder : this is the kind of movie that reduces you to childish expressions , like " that was the funnest movie i've ever seen ! " so to hell with webster's -- " chicken run " is one of the funnest movies i've seen in a while . i can't remember the last time i've seen anything funner . the chickens at tweedy's farm are up to something . living in a concentration camp-like atmosphere , they are led by one plucky hen called ginger ( voice of julia sawalha ) who continually comes up with plans for escape -- and always gets caught , subsequently spending day after day in the coal box . one night , a brash american rooster flies in over the fence , calling himself rocky ( mel gibson ) , famous flying rooster and circus performer . rocky promises to teach the chickens how to fly , and the situation grows more desperate as the nefarious mrs . tweedy ( miranda richardson ) decides to abandon the farm's egg-selling plan for a pie-selling plan . she orders a huge pie-making machine , cackling , " chickens go in ; pies come out . " what sort of pies ? chicken pies , of course . co-director nick park and his studio , aardman animation , produced three oscar-winning short films : " creature comforts , " " the wrong trousers , " and " a close shave . " the latter two were the second and third installments of a trilogy starring the delightful team wallace & gromit , a man and his dog famous for getting themselves into increasingly peculiar adventures . part of what made the " wallace " films brilliantly entertaining was park's uncanny ability to make an old story seem new . " the wrong trousers , " for example , pulled out a lot of old hitchcockian suspense tricks , and " a close shave " owed a great deal of inspiration to classic detective stories . but in the hands of park and his team , the stories felt fresh and inspired , and not the least bit contrived . now teaming with co-director peter lord , park has created a similar creature in " chicken run . " the plot is largely lifted from " the great escape " ( watch for a quick reference to the ball-bouncing scene ) , with some spielberg-inspired action sequences providing the excitement . thing is , the film doesn't feel like it's been lifted from somewhere else ; " chicken run " feels fresh , alive , like nothing else ever done . part of it is the original idea : who in the world came up with the idea to make a prisoners-of-war movie starring chickens ? park and lord milk the incongruity for all it's worth : the characters treat their situation as if it were dead serious , and to them , it is . but they're * chickens * , so it's funny to us . another thing that helps " chicken run " ( and most of park's films ) succeed is the animators' subtle way of giving nods to the very films they're cribbing . there are references to " the great escape , " obviously , and " stalag 17 . " the chase sequence inside the chicken grinder parodies both " raiders of the lost ark " and " indiana jones and the temple of doom . " there's even a nod to " the blues brothers , " if you can believe it , and the filmmakers even get in a little light-hearted ribbing at the expense of their star voice actor , taking a couple of very subtle jabs at mel gibson's nationality and film history . the " braveheart " reference is a hoot if you catch it . when you consider just how fine a line resides between a funny parody and a redundant one , " chicken run " is downright brilliant in its execution . consider this : since july of last year , i've seen dozens upon dozens of " blair witch project " parodies , on television , on the radio , and online . out of all those , maybe one or two were amusing , the rest tiresome . why ? because once you got past the thought that " they're parodying that&#8216 ; blair witch' movie , " most of the parodies had nothing to offer -- no insight , no original idea , no greater purpose . they were only funny if you had seen the movie ; otherwise , you got nothing . conversely , " chicken run " doesn't lean on its parodies -- the film references are never the sole focus of any scene . if you've never seen " indiana jones , " the chase sequence is still fun . even if you have no idea who mel gibson is , rocky remains an interesting character . park , lord , and screenwriter karey kirkpatrick realize that an audience does not need a parody shoved in their faces before it's understood , and as a result , " chicken run " is filled with visual and verbal jabs that are never too obvious , but not quite vague either . enjoyment of this movie doesn't require knowledge of film history , but if you've got it , " chicken run " is that much richer . the voice cast turns in uniformly lively performances , and the characters they play are given so many subtle nuances that it's hard not to fall in love with every one of them . ginger is perfect , spunky and opinionated , but with a soft heart that forbids her to leave her companions behind , and julia sawalha ( known as the cute mousy girl on " absolutely fabulous " ) nails it . she has warm , human chemistry with gibson , whose rocky hides his personal doubt under a brash gung-ho veneer . the characters' inevitable romance doesn't feel contrived , but sweet . poor mr . tweedy ( tony haygarth ) suspects the chickens are organizing in some way , but his limited intellect prevents him from figuring things out , and his overbearing wife certainly isn't any help . jane horrocks delivers a lovely voice characterization as tragically optimistic babs ( a hen that runs away with most of the best one-liners , all while perpetually crocheting a sweater ) , and two supply-trading rats that seem to have walked straight out of a monty python sketch nearly steal the show during the lively central swing-dancing sequence . they even come up with an inspired riff on something that's baffled scholars and theologians alike for decades : the chicken vs . egg dilemma . one might have expected this inevitable joke to come off as wearisome , but as with most of " chicken run , " it comes as a delightful surprise . the film manages to cross all barriers ; it should be accessible to both children and adults , brits and yanks , rats and chickens . the animation is first-rate . remember that this was all done the old-fashioned way , with actual humans moving clay figurines around on a tiny set bit by painstaking bit , and you see just how truly remarkable " chicken run " really is . this movie possesses that same quality that makes pixar studios' animation great : precise and unwavering attention to detail . as in such top-notch family fare as " a bug's life " or " toy story 2 , " " chicken run " has something to offer in nearly every frame . certainly a passive viewer can enjoy it as a straightforward story with a worthwhile moral and some surprisingly touching scenes , but a active , attentive viewers will enjoy it even more because they'll catch all the details . anyway , the movie's just a boatload of fun . funnest damn movie i've seen all year .

the ring is probably one of the creepiest movies i've seen in years . but then again , i've always had this phobia of asian born horror films . i remember when i was a kid i was scared as hell with those green faced , long-haired floating ghosts donning their white gownseuuugh . the ring really brings back those memories and its grips me long after the movie has ended . unlike the horror films coming from the west , i'm pretty much used to the gore and visual effects , so much so , they become rather bland nowadays . there's really no scary movie from the west for a long time . if you have something in mind , please tell me . this japanese flick is supposed to be based upon stories written by `the stephen king of japan' , which is also ( i heard ) televised over the air in japan . the film revolves around a mysterious videotape which will bring death for sure to the person who watches it , one week prior to viewing . a journalist and her husband , stupid enough , tests the so call `urban legend' and ends up having a week before she meets her doom . she and her husband then goes on a search for the origin of the videocassette , to get to the root of the whole curse with the hopes of freeing themselves . the ring plays on the senses like no other horror film today . visual subtlety , minimal music and an intriguing plot puts the audience within an aura of suspense throughout the entire film . very well done indeed , especially for a film that does not have a single trace of violence and gore . now , thats something budding horror film-maker wannabes should consider looking into . just an idea of how visually powerful the film is , it is in japanese and subtitled in chinese ; both of which , i can't understand at all ( ok , i had a friend who gave me a gist prior to watching , but he revealed very little ! ) . the twists in the plot , leading to an unforgettable climax ( will definitely leave an impression on the audience ) will have you at the edge of your seat .

about an hour or so into " the jackal , " a character wandered around as people were being shot at in a big suspense sequence , and one of the audience members in the theatre i saw it in shouted out " i hope she gets killed now ! " at that point it hit me : i didn't care for any of the characters being played by actors i didn't really like . when the sole reason you care about a character being played by sidney poitier in a suspense film is because he's being played by sidney poitier , you know something's rotten in the state of denmark . every year , a couple films like this are released . you know : the cheap , action packed international espionnage film , featuring a semi-promising premise , some big-name actors ( usually bruce willis ) , and the hopes that some audience members will forget the cold war ended several years ago . this was the third one of '97 , following the very lackluster " the saint , " which featured an amoral costume changing bond wannabe ; and the surprisingly fun " the peacemaker , " featuring clooney and kidman trying to stop an almost untraceable villain . " the jackal " tries to mix both elements . and you thought " the saint " was bad . " the jackal " is loosely ( very loosely , i hope ) based on the 1973 fred zimmerman classic that i've yet to see , " the day of the jackal , " which featured ( apparently ) a suave hitman called the jackal , played by edward fox , trying to assasinate charles degaule . well , welcome to the 90s , where a sorta suave hitman , also called the jackal ( bruce willis ) , trying to kill the head of the fbi . . . or is he ? after being hired by a russian mob lord as a bit of vengeance for the murder of his brother ( killed in the opening scenes ) , the jackal romps all over the northen hemisphere , from helsinki to virginia , setting up an elaborate scheme wherein he'll be able to assasinate this person and still get away to live in seclusion . and like the saint , the jackal changes his look over and over and over again to elude people . the agent working on the case , cater preston ( sidney poitier - yes , that sidney poitier ) , working with a russian agent , valentina koslova ( diane venora - lady capulet from " romeo + juliet " ) , gives up early on and meets with an ex-ira man , declan mulqueen ( richard gere , putting up some tight competition between himself and brad pitt for worst fake irish accent of '97 ) who's in a massachusetts jail , but who has apparently seen the jackal , who has been eluding the law forever . soon , he's out working with the two untrusting agents , and trying to help them catch him . there are numerous problems with the film , and which one is the biggest one is pretty impossible to put a finger on . the film is supposed to be a big suspense thriller , but save a couple moments , the film never achieves suspense , or even a sense of intrigue . sure , the big assasination attempt is a bit cool looking and even slightly tense , but every other scene in the film is too short and too dull to register . the film never picks up enough to become a thrilling experience , or even an entertaining one . it doesn't help that the plot is designed to be complex , but falls into so many problems , like plot holes and unbelievable circumstances . the script of " the jackal " is a complete mess , mostly because it can't decide what it wants to focus on . is this a film about a man trying to find redemption by catching a nasty killer ? is it a film about a nasty , amoral hitman who's in everything for the money ? or is it a combination of both ? " the jackal " aims for the latter , but never focuses in on either character . the connection between the two feels completely edited , so much that in a scene when the jackal turns around and notices declan , you wonder how he recognized him so fast . the worst part is the little past they try to give declan , most notably his relationship with an old girlfriend , isabella ( mathilda may ) , given so little screen time that you almost forget her character exists until she pops up every now and then . the supporting characters are worse . sidney poitier is given a completely unplayable role , that of a man who is just stern sometimes , and other times more giving and likable . what is poitier doing here ? he's one of the best living actors ! does he really need to waste his time doing drivel like this ? diane venora's russian character is almost as bad , with a cigarette perpetually in her mouth , and a plastered on expressionless facade . it's not that anyone's bad here ; it's that they have nothing to do . the plot is a joke , feeling like it was pasted together by someone in post-production who dropped each scene on the floor and pasted them together quickly so it could be released on time . the jackal himself is not even much of an international villain . there are several times where he's in a tight situation and makes things worse for himself , the only explanation being that the filmmakers wanted to toss in a cheap thrill . take a scene where he's being followed by some agents into a parking garage : he quickly sprays his car another color , and adds a solvent that if touched kills the person who touched it . doesn't killing someone attract more attention than it does distract ? and does he think dying his hair bottle blond makes him fit in in a public place ? geez ! is there anything good here ? well . . . a couple things . i did like willis's icy expressions ; he may not have been real suave or anything , but some of his looks are worth a chuckle . richard gere has a couple of good moments , making his character as likable as he possibly could have . and a couple sequences are kicky in that kind of proposterous , completely inane but fun kinda way , most notably : a sequence where he tests out a new gun on an annoying gun builder ( jack black ) ; and a bit where he seduces a gay washington man , which has its share of a couple good jokes , most particular a kiss by willis . but none of these elevate the film any higher than it could go ; they're just little distractions along the way to amuse us mildly then toss us back into the world of dullness and stupidity that is " the jackal . " director michael caton-jones ( who directed the far superior " rob roy " ) has made a film that is made very couple months , one that is unentertaining , unintriguing , and pretty much cold , but will nevertheless make money because , hey , the trailers do make it look like it may be fun in that kind of retro-clancy kinda way . every now and then , the filmmakers get it right ( " clear and present danger , " which was enormous fun in that smart kinda way ) , but " the jackal " is an example of when they go completely wrong .

capsule : a ham-handed and over/underwritten morality play masquerading as entertainment , so muddled it doesn't even know what it's really advocating , if anything . a time to kill has been hailed as the best of the grisham adaptations , and it's easy to see why : it presents a strong , almost rancorously so , story ; it is full of good actors ( samuel l . jackson , matthew mcconaughey , sandra bullock , kevin spacey , charles dutton ) ; and it's ostensibly about some important social issue that we're all tangling with . it is not , however , a good movie , and all of the reasons i've listed above have something to do with why . right from the beginning , the movie is dead-set on stacking its deck as thoroughly and unrepentantly as possible . a pair of redneck whites , boozed and drugged out of their minds , kidnap a young black girl , abuse and rape her horribly , and leave her for dead . after their arrest , their father ( jackson ) takes an assault rifle and guns them down on the way to trial . mcconaughey is then drafted in as his lawyer , and the rest is somehow strangely predictable courtoom movie dramatics . the acting is not quite what it should be , given the cast we have . sandra bullock ( who is a good actress but not a serious one ) looks clueless ; spacey's accent switches itself on and off at random ( and he's given a totally thankless role to play as well , a role without an iota of depth ) ; and mcconaughey's role is stamped from the cardboard back of a cereal box . the most memorable role is donald sutherland's , and his is a bit part . i always consider it an index of a movie's desperation when it is able to present shocking and outlandish events , and somehow not have them generate an ounce of impact . there is one scene -- a riot outside the courtroom -- that should have created incredible tension , but winds up playing out like a textbook exercise on how not to deploy a scene like this . because the movie doesn't know what it's really about , it * can't * generate any genuine tension , and so it has to artifically inject tension through clumsy plotting . one of the ways it does this is by throwing in a whole subplot about a bunch of vicious kkk cross-burners -- which is tidied up so neatly that it borders on the nihilistic . i was reminded of the despicable betrayed , which tried to tart up a fundamentally empty story by injecting vile , graphic acts of racism as little more than an attention-getter . the movie immolates an enormous amount of its potential by making a few critical mistakes . first of all , the jackson character is not hard to judge ; there's no tension in his dilemma . he's self-admittedly guilty and should be sent to jail , no matter how moral his crusade . the old saw about how no court in the land would convict him , if he was white , is supposed to be the underlying theme of the movie , but it's never developed into an organic component of the story . it just sort of floats around on top while the movie grinds away furiously with its plot mechanics . another mistake is in motivational logic : by not having the two white thugs arraigned first -- or maybe tried and then dismissed from lack of evidence , say -- we have that much less empathy for jackson's character . i'm probably supposed to think that just because he had his daughter raped , we are * automatically * supposed to feel empathy for him , but that's precisely the kind of facile thinking that makes real justice impossible . ( see the virgin spring for more on that note . ) is jackson's character then simply insane ? that prospect isn't given terribly serious treatment either . one of the most aggravating things about coutroom movies is how little they seem to know about how the law works , or how lawyers get their information . mcconaughey's character makes an important slipup late in the movie , when one of his witnesses turns out to have been convicted of a capital offense . how did the prosecution get this information ? how come he didn't get it ? the whole way these questions get handled are symptomatic of the movie's way of dealing with complex legal and moral questions in cheap screenwriterly slam-bang fashion . this is the biggest problem : the movie isn't about jackson's character , or his dilemma , or this case , or any of its ( frequently interesting despite the porcine writing and direction ) characters . it's not ultimately about anything at all , except its stupid geared-down plot , which inches onwards in one unremarkable scene after another towards a totally contrived ending . at two and a half hours , the movie is overlong and drastically overwritten : there's endless stuff about things which ultimately add up to nothing , and no writing about the material that should really matter . it's all handwaving . the closing argument are also sneaky and underhanded , and underscored my suspicion that the movie is manipulative and unfair . it's not easy to make a movie about something . the other day i saw kurosawa's phenomenal rashomon , a movie that is really about the way people deal with truth and reality ( or don't ) . a time to kill is as empty and ponderous a movie as i've seen in a long time .

susan granger's review of " the watcher " ( universal ) just what we need : another lurid , trashy serial killer saga . this time , keanu reeves plays an elusive homicidal maniac who engages in a gruesome ticking-clock cat-and-mouse game with james spader , a burnt-out fbi agent who has suffered a traumatic nervous breakdown after too many years on the job with the lapd . to taunt spader , who has relocated to chicago , reeves packs up his trusty piano wire and moves too . before long , he starts mailing photographs of the lonely , unsuspecting young women who are his intended windy city victims , challenging spader , along with the chicago police department , to stop him within 24 hours before he strikes again . in the midst of this murderous frenzy , there's spader's psychologist , played by marisa tomei , who is even less convincing as a medical professional than jennifer lopez in " the cell . " writers david elliot , clay ayers and darcy meyers , along with first-time director joe charbanic ( helmer of music videos for reeves' band dogstar ) , dwell on the warped thrill of the methodology and the chase , revealing , early on , exactly whodunit since the killer says he and the cop " need each other to give meaning to our lives . " plus , as reeves explains , " we're all stacked right on top of each other , but we don't notice each other any more . " after that , it's all sound effects and tricky camera-work , along with a muddled , discordant soundtrack . james spader's acting technique can be described as 'wooden deadpan' while keanu reeves maintains his perpetually monotone 'dude' persona which sometimes works , sometimes doesn't . chris ellis , as spader's self-important colleague , is the only cast member who manages to be convincing . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10 , " the watcher " is an appallingly awful , amateurish 2 . the real torture is watching it .

ingredients : starving artist lusting after a beautiful woman from his childhood synopsis : great expectations ( 1998 ) is a modernized version of a charles dickens novel . in the original charles dickens classic an orphan boy named pip learns about life through his friendship with an escaped convict , his relationship with a bitter old lady named miss havisham , and his hopeless lifetime infatuation with havisham's snobbish adopted daughter , estella . the gist of the story is that an anonymous benefactor sends pip to london for pip to become an upper class " gentleman . " pip leaves for london with " great expectations " to be groomed into a gentleman so that he can one day be classy enough to marry estella . but life has a way of complicating things . pip becomes an arrogant s . o . b . until he learns just who his secret benefactor is . in this new 1998 version of great expectations a poor florida lad named finn ( ethan hawke ) with a talent for drawing has an early memory of helping an escaped convict ( robert de niro ) . but soon the focus of finn's life becomes romance , as he develops a lifelong infatuation with estella ( gwyneth paltrow ) , an upper crust girl with some psychological and emotional issues due to being raised in a dysfunctional environment . estella was raised in wealth by ms . dinsmoor ( anne bancroft ) , an eccentric , aged and embittered , man-hating single aunt whose groom left her abandoned at the altar on the day of her marriage . this causes estella to 'fear the daylight' of relationships , but finn thinks it's just a case of snobbery . when finn becomes a young man , an anonymous benefactor sets finn up in new york with the connections and publicity to be groomed into a famous artist . finn leaves florida with " great expectations " to be a successful artist so that some day he might become classy enough to marry the snobbish estella . what will happen to all of finn's " great expectations ? " opinion : if you're looking for a romance with a happy ending , look no further ; you've found one here . ethan hawke is romantic lead . ( he romanced winona ryder in reality bites . he romanced julie delpy in before sunrise . he romanced uma thurman in gattaca . now in great expectations he gets to chase gwyneth paltrow , a rail-thin blonde . ) hawke plays a lovestruck , earnest and unchanged finn throughout the film . meanwhile paltrow portrays estella as alternating between infuriating tease and ice princess ; estella's whole purpose is to get men to fall in love and then hurt them rather than become intimate . anne bancroft goes a little overboard as the deranged and pessimistic ms . dinsmoor , while robert de niro carries off the convict part suitably . the difference between the classic dickens novel and this 1998 adaptation is that the dickens novel is ripe with deep and timeless themes about class struggle and love , whereas great expectations ( 1998 ) is more artsy , less complicated story about a 1990s artist dealing with a lifetime tease .

the previews for the movie are pretty good . they show a little plot , all the characters , and the emotional highlights , all spliced together to give a general impression of the script . unfortunately , the full movie adds nothing but 115 minutes . the residents of mystery love hockey . mystery and hockey go together like texas and high school football . the townsfolk love hockey so much that they even acquit a player who's guilty of shooting another man ( yes , that's one of the movie's jokes . ) every saturday , the best players pair off for a game , and the whole town comes to watch . the town's prodigal son charlie ( hank azaria ) wrote an article on the weekly game for sports illustrated . mystery's national fame has the town abuzz . a week later , charlie actually shows up in person , and he brings with him an offer from the nhl . the new york rangers will come to mystery to play the locals . the mysterians see this as both good and bad . on the one hand , they'd love to have the fame and the money of such an exhibition . on the other hand , they don't want to turn up as the butt of leno and letterman jokes . the movie follows a handful of lives that are affected by the proposition . biebe ( russell crowe ) has just been retired from the team and is asked to coach the boys , including his new replacement . he's already resentful , and to top it off charlie has been making eyes at his wife . crowe is not given a lot of room to act in this film , so he's just kind of stuck with constantly brooding . charlie , meanwhile , is resentful of having born in a town where hockey is the only measure of a man's worth . his " gift " of the feature story , and of the new york rangers , was his way of compensating for not being a better skater . he hoped it would earn him some respect and merit , but the townspeople find reasons to continue disliking him . burt reynolds could have been interesting as walter , the judge whose courtroom was befouled by a moronic jury of hockey fans . walter actually has some experience with collegiate hockey , but he actively tries to put it behind him . he wants his son to take the game more seriously , but he wants his community to just get over it . reynolds could have been good , but sloppy writing and/or editing keep walter in the corner , and so reynolds never really gets to pull his performance all together . one character actually was interesting . biebe's wife ( mary mccormack ) , like the judge , understood that there was more to life than hockey . but unlike him she has come to accept the skewed view of the community . she chose the town and her husband with her eyes wide open . her unique insight is verbalized once , and it lasts only a scene before it is gone , but her performance carries the hint of some deeper wisdom . mysterty , alaska follows a handful of other characters , but none are well developed or worth mentioning . the biggest problem with this movie is that there is no real heart to the story , no underlying thing that the movie is really about . instead , roach and screenwriters david e . kelley and sean o'byrne try to cram the entire human condition into this sports comedy . they try to make you laugh and cry , to feel outrage and pride . they present the framing and cadence for jokes , but there's nothing truly funny . they show appropriately staged scenes of sadness , but they give you nothing to be really sad about . as columnist molly ivins would say , it's all hat , no cattle . the perfect opportunity arises for roach to say what this movie is really about . there is a funeral scene , played with appropriate gravity and somber music . it is a chance for the characters to reflect on their lives and decide what's truly important . russell crowe steps forward to speak , about to spell out the movie's metaphor for us . he says that what really matters in life is " community . . . . " then adds " and hockey . " i guess these mysterians really are as shallow as they appear . only mildly bad , mystery , alaska probably deserves 2 stars . i even laughed out loud , genuine laughs in places . but i docked it an extra half star when mike myers , a friend of roach , turned up in a role that didn't suit him . myers is a comic character actor . he puts on masks , becomes an outrageous caricature , and is funny . he's great as austin powers , dr . evil , or any of his scottish characters . nobody else in mysterty , alaska is a comic caricature . all the other people have the feel of dramatic characters in semi-serious roles . for roach to bring in myers for a few cheap laughs shows incredible contempt toward the rest of his cast , toward his audience , and indeed toward the film itself . it's an acknowledgment by the director that the film is not worth taking seriously .

ingredients : lost parrot trying to get home , friends synopsis : a russian janitor named misha ( tony shalhoub ) discovers a little old parrot languishing in the basement of a science research facility . " paulie the talking parrot " ( the voice of jay mohr ) soon regales misha with his life story . as a young bird paulie is raised by marie ( hallie kate eisenberg ) , a little girl with a speech impediment . by attending marie's speech lessons , paulie learns to act/speak like a regular person . unfortunately , after being unfairly blamed for an accident , paulie is taken to a pawn shop and sold . paulie's biggest wish is to return to marie . many years later , and after a succession of memorable owners ( gena rowlands , cheech marin , and jay mohr ) , paulie falls in with a bad crowd and is apprehended in los angeles trying to steal jewelry . he is sent to a cruel research facility , where he refuses to participate and is imprisoned the basement . will misha help paulie get back to marie ? opinion : every time people watch movies that portray animals as beings with cute human personalities , some well-meaning audience members go out next christmas or birthday and buy a dalmatian or whatever creature is currently popular . soon enough , " birthday kid " loses interest and the purchased pup ends up at the local pound , a victim of neglect . my sister owns a real paulie : it thinks like a parrot , bites like a parrot , and requires as much attention as a newborn human infant . please think twice before buying one . okay . back to the story . in movies , parrots usually play support characters , but paulie might be the first movie where the ( animatronic ) bird gets main billing . paulie , like those side characters in disney cartoons , is cute and sassy , a strutting , miniature human . actually , paulie is the voice of jay mohr ( he played jennifer aniston's boyfriend on picture perfect ) doing his best buddy hackett impression ( which is interesting , since hackett himself cameos as the pawn shop owner , and mohr doubles as a customer ) . paulie is for kids . while watching paulie you hear little tykes in the theater laughing hysterically when paulie calls the cat a " stupid furball . " sometimes , however , there are statements the kids don't get . for example , when paulie's elderly owner ivy ( gena rowlands ) dies , paulie explains , " well , one day , the cat got her . " and you hear kids exclaim , " what cat ? ! " imagine lassie come home , except with a doll-sized human dressed as a bird , and you'll have a good idea of the plot and characterization . bird tries to get home . bird meets elderly friend . bird loses elderly friend . bird meets eccentric friend . bird loses eccentric friend . bird meets bad influence . and so on and so forth , with paulie meeting friends and saying goodbye at a meandering pace until he finally makes it back to marie ( trini alvarado ) . the bottom line ? break out the popcorn money , moms and dads . paulie may be the low end version of lassie , bambi , or babe , but he'll do . sometimes the wisecracks go over their heads , but i'm sure youngsters can appreciate a story about a little person ( paulie ) trying to get home , meeting friends and experiencing moral lessons on the way . and good luck explaining what it means when paulie says of ivy , " well , one day , the cat got her . "

this feature is like a double header , two sets of clich ? s for the price of one . not only do we get the usual tired sports chestnuts , but the banal rich girl-poor boy love story is tossed in for good measure . an original moment in this loser is as rare as a chicago cubs world series appearance . the screenplay by kevin falls and john gatins , based on a story by falls , merely lobs its plotline at the audience . this is a story that needed sent down for seasoning and more coaching . summer catch centers around ryan dunne ( freddie prinze jr . ) , a cape cod youth chosen to participate in the prestigious cape cod baseball league , supposedly a showcase for the best young amateur and college players in the country . ryan is a blue-collar kind of guy . he works with his dad taking care of the lawns of cape cod's rich and famous . he also , as we are informed early , his own worst enemy . he has the potential and the talent , but always seems to self-destruct at the crucial moment . so , ryan tries to remained focused on baseball . then he meets tenley parrish ( jessica biel ) , daughter of one of the blue bloods whose lawn he manicures . tenley , a name only a hack screenwriter could invent , is unlike her snobbish counterparts and falls for ryan . if you can't figure out where all this nonsense leads , then you need a remedial course in film viewing . as always prinze is pretty to look at , but his performance mainly consists of facial expressions : puppy dog love , heartbreak , frustration , self-loathing or determination . biel cries a lot , while bruce davison merely acts smarmy as her class-conscious father . the only beacon is matthew lillard's fun-loving billy brubaker , the team's catcher . summer catch borrows situations and stylings from other baseball movies , such as bull durham and the natural . no curve balls here , no sliders . every pitch is predictable . a blind umpire could call this movie . summer catch is strictly rookie league moviemaking . it has as much chance of making the movie hall of fame as the dodgers have of moving back to brooklyn .

the job of the film critic is to see a movie and write a review of it that tells you what it's about and why it's good or bad . i feel kind of embarrassed to admit this , but i after having seen " get carter " i really can't tell you what it's about although i could go on and on about how and why it's a bad movie . " get carter " falls into that category of ? movies that continue to be made for reasons unknown to anyone outside of a hollywood executive board room . you might call them the " steven seagal/mickey rourke/jean-claude van damme/wesley snipes school of mediocre action/crime thrillers . " you know - the potboilers that are heavy on fistfights , shoot-outs and car chases but really light on plot and character development . they have stories where the so-called hero just keeps running into characters who have some connection to one of the other characters who are all antagonists without a reason for being in the movie other than to give the protagonist someone to fight , chase or shoot at . sylvester stallone stars as jack carter , a las vegas-based mob enforcer who returns home * for his brother's funeral . he believes his brother ? richie was " taken out " and didn't die from a dwi accident . carter's one of the most cliche bad-asses ever captured on celluloid . his face alone is pretty intimidating and there's quite a few scenes in which he leans on both regular citizens and criminal lowlives simply by staring them down and speaking with confidence in his " rambo-on-testosterone-therapy " voice . stallone's performance in this movie is so forced and unnatural he doesn't realize he's mocking himself . the actual story involves carter's investigation into his brother richie's death . he's in a town that's not his but somehow the local top dogs know him very well . mickey rourke co-stars as one of these characters , a sort of crime boss who has something to do with running a porno web site and blackmailing a young internet tycoon ( played by alan cummings looking and acting a lot like pee wee herman ) . there's also another plot involving richie's mistress , a secret cd-rom with some convicting and disturbing evidence on it and something terrible involving one of carter's still-living relatives . i'm rolling my eyes just thinking about trying to critique all this in a way that could be remotely comprehendible . i could just rip the screenplay to shreds , plus the direction or the editing or the production values but that would require discussion of nearly every scene in order to explain it all . i don't like to put spoliers in my reviews either intentionally or accidentally . yes , " get carter " is just that complicated and complex . and what's worse is that it's not this intricate to make it seem smart like " the usual suspects " for example - just the opposite . you get the feeling whoever wrote this script did it in short intervals spaced far apart and they probably didn't remember what had already happened and didn't figure out how each scene would lead in to the next one or how the major plot points would work towards the climax . all you really need to know is that most of the film is just scenes of carter tracking down one scumbag or supposed witness after another , asking them what they know , getting information and then realizing that if he wasn't a complete idiot he could have figured it out in the first five minutes . although the supporting characters are equally stupid themselves since they tell him everything which comes back to haunt them in one violent way or another . making a movie entirely about criminals doesn't necessarily mean they have to be unlikable and cliche cutout characters . mel gibson starred in " payback " a few years ago that had a story not unlike this one but had such a good screenplay you couldn't help but like him even though he was just as bad a guy as jack carter . so ultimately " get carter " fails for pretty much every selling point it has . carter is not a likable character and you really don't care if he gets revenge or not . the action sequences are not at all exciting or original . the enemies and their massive conspiracy are not threatening at all ( c'mon , you know who's going to win every brawl and shoot-out and car chase ) . in the end you don't feel nearly satisfied with the results . the filmmakers did a good job in doing everything as unoriginal as possible . * the city is never mentioned by name but i assume it's seattle since all the cars have washington license plates and it's always raining .

movies based on video games , such as street fighter or mario bros . , have never generated much interest at the box office . but when the first mortal kombat movie came out in 1995 , it did surprisingly well . with a simple story , a pulsating soundtrack , and lots of awesomely choreographed fight scenes , the movie moved quickly and displayed lots of energy . it got my vote for 'the movie where i expected the least and got the most' . and , if you haven't had the opportunity , i would definitely recommend that you see it on video . in the world of mortal kombat , based on the popular arcade game , dark forces from outworld try to infiltrate earth's realm with the ulimate goal of total conquest and the destruction of humanity . the mortal kombat refers to a competition , fought by human mortals against outworld's minions , which if won , will guarantee earth's safety for another generation . mk2 picks up almost immediately after the humans return victoriously from competition . despite their victory , however , a gateway has somehow opened , and outworld continues in its quest to conquer earth . outworld's warriors include an impressive collection of fighters , including shao kahn , mintoro ( a centaur ) , sheeva ( a four-armed ogre ) , and sindel . earth's mortal warriors , under the leadership of the benevolent god , lord rayden , includes liu kang , princess kitana , sonya blade and jax , who must fight against outworld's forces . it's an easy enough premise , but unfortunately ( very unfortunately ) , the writers try to do too much with the movie . it is only a video game , after all , but the on-screen version tries to go beyond it's comic book boundaries by adding depth , a conceptualization of self-worth , and worst of all , a love story . this becomes very awkward , because all of the players are fighters and nothing more . they are likable and impressive when they are showcasing their martial arts and fighting skills , but look extremely awkward and uncomfortable when they are required to actually act . this becomes embarrassingly apparent , for example , as the movie tries to develop a romantic bond between liu kang and princess kitana . the original mk was smart in letting the players do what they do best . they spoke little , but fought a lot . thus , the movie was easy to digest . however , mk2 tries to give these players a certain amount of depth , an element that was lacking in the first movie , but the attempt here fails miserably . this uneasy feeling is readily apparent , for example , whenever you hear lord rayden speak . not only does he talk in riddles and offer enigmatic ( e . g . useless ) advice , but he speaks so slowly as if to simulate infinite wisdom . try reading this half as fast , and you'll hear what i mean . but the movie is not a complete fatality . fight scenes are well-choreographed , highlighted by terrific acrobatics and agility . and players of the game will be rewarded with the inclusion of practically every character from the video game , although their screen time amounts to nothing more than a cameo . even if you're not familiar with the video game , each fighter has their own costume and unique weaponry to easily differentiate themselves . but it's just too little of what movie-goers and especially fans of the game will expect . oddly , the inclusion of the human element actually pollutes the purity of the mortal kombat essence . and the poor acting results in a muddled movie that offers the viewing audience little chance for survival . ( i am now talking very slowly as if to simulate infinite wisdom ) . rent the first one , but the sequel is for kombat fans only .

voices . . . . . trey parker , matt stone , george clooney , minnie driver . " south park : bigger , longer and uncut " is undoubtedly crude , offensive , mean-spirited movie , that comes off as a politcally correct movie too . if your canadian , a strong christian , fat , gay or anything else , you will be offended . but when you watch this movie , there is no doubt that you will laugh . based on the wildly popular comedy central tv show , south park stars cartman , an overweight , foul-mouthed kid , with attitude , and a sweet side . kenny , a poor kid who gets killed in every episode , and talks with his coat hood covering his head . stan a regular , sometimes boring kid who has problems with women . and kyle a lonely jew who talks to his poop . the movie opens with a funny , but messageable song , that all of the people of south park sing . cartman , stan , kenny and kyle are very excited to see the new terrance and phillip ( beavis and butthead types ) movie " asses of fire " . but when the kids get up to the movie to get the tickets , they learn the movie is rated r , which of course means that anyone under the age of 17 cannot get in without a parent or legal guardian . the kids do not understand this , and they pay a homeless man to buy their tickets . while in the movie , laughing at the movie , terrance and phillip cuss repeatedly entertaining the kids . they kids then go out and cuss themselves , getting in trouble and causing kyle's mom to go against the mpaa . while doing this kenny learns a thing or to , by proving to cartman he can light his fart on fire . kenny does so , dies , and goes to hell , to find out that satan and saddam huiessan ( homosexual lovers ) , are about to take over the world , if terrance and phillip die . >from here on , nothing more should be said to keep the rest a surprise . but believe me , this isn't your regular south park tv show , and should not be seen by anyone under 14 or more . this film contains extreme profanity ( over 130 " f " words and a collection of others ) . but beyond being bad in a tasteless type way , south park : bigger , longer and uncut has many messages that are embedded inside it . but i bet you will not leave the movie , for at least laughing one time or more . and enjoying yourself . take it from me , south park : b , l , and u , isn't as good as you'd hope , but it is good for some laughs .

in present day hanoi , three sisters reflect on their parents' relationship while trying to define their own in writer/director tran anh hung's ( " the scent of green papaya " ) " the vertical ray of the sun . " youngest sister lien ( tran nu yen-khe ) greets the day with hai ( ngo quanq hai ) , the only brother whom she rooms and relentlessly flirts with . their morning ritual of tai chi and lou reed precedes crossing the street to eldest sister suong's ( nguyen nhu quynh ) cafe , where lien works , for breakfast . the three sisters lovingly prepare their mother's memorial banquet of traditional delicacies , prepared as much for look as taste , while giggling over the differences between the sexes . after the family breaks from the banquet , we learn that suong's young son 'little monkey' is doted upon , but there's a distance developing with her husband quoc ( chu ngoc hung ) , who's leaving for one of his habitual botanical photography trips . middle sister khanh ( tran manh cuong ) tells her writer husband she's pregnant before he leaves on a trip to saigon to research tuan , a mysterious man in his mother-in-law's past . lien keeps crawling into hai's bed at night , causing him to fall out of it . the initial serenity we witnessed starts turning into a soap opera before coming to full circle one month later , as the three women prepare their father's memorial banquet . " the vertical ray of the sun " is a contemplative piece where strong passions exist underneath calm exteriors . sly humor , self deceit and harsh truths all exist in the cyclic screenplay . tran anh hung and his cinematographer mark lee ping-bin ( " flowers of shanghai " ) linger over and repeat the small gestures of everyday life - a wife washes her husbands hands , a woman makes water dance in a bowl , a man pulls his lover to face him before they part . small spaces such as rooms , alleys and courtyards create intimacy . the color green , symbolizing life and tranquility , is used heavily in the film's visual styling , lapsing into yellowish hues and blues . writer/director tran anh hung's film recalls ang lee's " eat drink man woman , " another tale of three sisters of varying modernity coming together traditionally for a parent . but while lee's more traditionally story-driven film resulted in radical changes for all concerned , " the vertical ray of the sun's " characters strive for peaceful harmony . watching it is like trailing your fingertips in a stream on a cool spring day .

some talented actresses are blessed with a demonstrated wide acting range while others , almost as gifted , have more limited types of parts for which they are suitable . as was amply evident after basic instinct , sharon stone can play sensual roles with great abandon . rejecting her natural abilities , she has spent the rest of her entire career trying with little success to play against type . gloria is her latest disaster . babe ruth didn't quit baseball after one season to play football in a quixotic quest to prove his athletic dexterity , and neither should stone reject what she does best . janeane garofalo , for example , is no less wonderful an actress because she could have never pulled off stone's part in basic instinct ; neither is stone any less talented because she couldn't do garofalo's comedic roles . gloria , directed by respected director sidney lumet and adapted by steve antin from the 1980 screenplay by john cassavetes , was not screened in advance for critics , almost always a sign that the studio isn't behind the picture . after seeing it in a nearly empty audience after it opened , it is clear why they held it from the press . it is a film more to be endured than enjoyed . as the story opens , an angry gloria ( stone ) is being released from prison after 3 years confinement . she's got a bad attitude and a big mouth . she also has a bad case of wavering and overblown new york accents , a disease suffered by much of the rest of the cast . an annoying child actor named jean-luke figueroa plays a soon-to-be orphan named nicky . just before his whole family is gunned down by hoods working for gloria's ex-boyfriend kevin ( jeremy northam ) , nicky's dad gives him a banana yellow floppy disk with secrets about kevin's operation and offers him a piece of fatherly advice . " be a man , " his father lectures him sternly . " don't trust nobody . not no broads . nobody . " most of the film's leaden dialog is delivered with the emotive power of the automated time and temperature announcements . add in the movie's almost non-existent background noise and the excruciatingly slow pacing , and you can hear the sounds of the lines falling to the ground like stones . lumet places his actors in the frames like fruit in a still life painting . they stand awkwardly mouthing the stiff sentences that pass for discourse . ( " say you're my baby , " kevin coos demandingly . " i'm not gonna , " gloria pouts back . ) the movie has a plethora of logical flaws and implausibilites . the kid rarely seems the least bit worried or scared , no matter how many people are after him with guns , trying to kill him . and in one key scene , the yellow floppy he holds is assumed to be the right disk without checking it and is further assumed never to have been copied . gloria , who keeps saying how she hates kids , takes nicky under her wing and protects him from kevin and the bad guys . think her maternal instincts will show up before the movie finally and predictably ends ? if you don't know the answer , you may be just the right viewer for this film . you have to say this for stone : she can keep a straight face . when explaining life to a 7-year-old kid , she says with utter seriousness , " you got a lot of love making to make ; you got a lot of boozing to do . " gloria runs 1 : 48 . it is rated r for profanity , violence and brief male nudity and would be acceptable for teenagers .

maybe the most important thing about this movie is that it's not handled like the hallmark hall of fame movie of the month , because it very well could have been a manipulative tearjerker , broadcasted on abc on a monday night , starring kelly martin and yasmeen bleeth , respectively . because it's not handled like the greatest story ever told is precisely why it's so great . underneath the to-die-for cinematography , the brilliant acting , and incessantly wonderful direction is a film of modesty , not sure whether or not this story is totally great but with the balls to run with it , tell it in a certain original way . it doesn't merely go from plot point to plot point . it goes from character to character . it obsesses itself with the depth and the style of it all , and makes the story of a world-reknowned cellist who contracts ms and dies prematurely into the story of two sisters , both musicians , who have a totally unique relationship . it's that their relationship is the center of the story that makes this film transcend any cornball , shamelessly tired tearjerker qualities it could have had and makes this , unlike " patch adams , " effortlessly emotional and real . in short , this movie is just awesome . it merely tells its story really well , and that's something that just has to be commended these days , when most stories are botched because they're not told by great storytellers . director anand tucker tells this story well . he overdramaticizes everything , but still keeps it real . the film tells the story of hilary and jacqueline du pr ? ( rachel griffiths and emily watson , respectively ) , two sisters who are first seen in childhood ( played by auriol evans and keely flanders , respectively ) as the very best of friends . they are also both musicians , hilary a flutist and jackie a cellist , and when it all begins , both are considered child prodigies , but hilary is seen as the better of the two . jackie , a bit jealous , works and works at her playing skills , and soon the tables are turned . when they both hit adulthood , hilary strives for a comeback , while her sister is playing in famous halls around the world , but instead of fame , captures the heart of a hapless , joyful conductor , kiffer finzi ( david morissey , in a semi-star-making turn ) . they marry , after a short courtship , and move to a lovely country house , making jackie incredibly jealous since her cello playing becomes a symbol of her current life : when she plays , she has the eyes of the world , but when she stops , she's alone . she enters into a shallow relationship with an equally famous pianist , daniel barenboim ( james frain ) , in hopes that she may overcloud her sister , but she eventually begins to lose it , and runs away to hilary's country home , where she hopes to gain admittance by hilary to sleep with her husband , since no one she sleeps with gives her any pleasure . it's all terribly melodramtic , as you can see , and by the time jackie has contracted ms ( in a brilliantly edited scene that surpasses the breakdown scene in the semi-smiliar " shine " in technical and emotional devastation ) , it would have been the time that i could easily call the sign for melodramatic overload if it hadn't been handled in such a way . the key thing here is that it's not about her gradual death and slip into insanity but rather that it's about her tumultuous relationship with her sister , which , i might add , is perfectly realized . their relationship is the most down-to-earth complex entity of the year : they love eachother more than anyone else in the entire world , but they're also completely jealous of one another . when a young jackie surpasses her playing abilities , she tries in vain to make a comeback but can't , and almost seems to marry to get back at jackie for her success . when jackie lands on top and sees her sister marry a wonderful man , she is jealous of her lifestyle to the most extensive brinks that i've ever seen in a film ( only two sisters who truly love eachother would dare share the same man ) . and the whole time , their love for eachother is never doubted or even tested . another thing i really liked is emily watson's performance . i usually make it a note to never overpraise an actor for playing either a drunkard or a lunatic or someone with a mortal disease ( or any combination of the three ) . my reasoning for this is that it's a fucking easy job . the worst case for this very year may be thandie newton in " beloved " : sure , she's good , but what's so tough about playing a woman who stumbles around , slurs her words together , and acts like a three year old inside a 20-year old's body ? hell , i could play that if i had a pair of breasts . in that same exact movie , though , is a performance by kimberly elise where she has to be the rock that holds the family together as her mother slowly goes insane , her brothers run off never to be seen again , and her mother's lover is scared off . she has to actually deal with real emotions , something much harder than mere stumbling about . but the academy of arts and sciences loves loves loves overpraising performances like newtons . if you don't believe me , look at jack nicholson's performance in " as good as it gets " : great performance , but easy job . this isn't so for watson , though , because her insanity comes from real emotions , not just a plot point . and thanks to the opening sequence , where we see her and hilary as kids , we understand the motives behind all her actions , and by the time she actually contracts ms and begins to loose her sanity and her life , we've already understood that this is the last straw for a woman plagued with terrible neuroses . rachel griffiths , who would have otherwise been the understudy to watson's protagonist , actually matches watson step-for-step , because as watson grows insane , and demands unspeakable things from her , griffiths holds her own , and has to deal with what she is able to give her sister who needs emotional help from her . griffiths , an otherwise unknown actress ( and watson being famous from " breaking the waves " and " the boxer " ) , is absolutely brilliant , just as absolutely brilliant as watson is , and if the academy and all the other critics groups , who've already deemed watson's performance the best of the year , glance over hers because she's the one who doesn't get to go insane ( read : she gets the boring role ) , then the scream of hysteria you hear will be from me . after all , griffiths has the thankless job of keeping things real - the tom cruise role in " rainman " ( the one who should have gotten oscar consideration and not hoffman ) . she does , and if anyone deserves accolades from the academy this year , it's griffiths . together , the two actresses work extremely well , though , and both have to go through deep emotional hell , the likes of which haven't been seen this year . if it hadn't been for an otherwise not-totally-great final section that deals way too much with jackie and not enough with hilary ( when the two had gotten equal treatment for the entirety ) , i'd say this is one of the top ten best films of the year . it's so close to perfection , in its structure , its treatment of its subject , and its beautiful technical specifications ( cinematography nomination , without a shred of doubt in my mind , and maybe film editing ) , that it's nearly a shame that it's not the flawless gem that it should be . but , hey , as it is , i can hardly complain .

i'm currently accepting all future names for drew barrymore characters . in _the wedding singer_ , she was julia gulia . in _never been kissed_ , she's josie grossie . future db character names include : janet granite , janey grainy , and for that nc-17 project in the works , jo-jo . . . aw forget it . i'll stick to my day job . this is a teen movie , all right , except the main characters aren't teens . drew barrymore is a copy editor at the chicago sun times who gets her big break as a reporter , only it's very clear from the onset that she lacks the toughness and the pushy extravertedness that marks the best of reporters . the story she's covering is not really a story , but a story in the making . she is to return to high school as a student and explain what's really going on . the irony is that drew's character , was such a dweeb first time around , that she is terrified at going back . when she does , she says the wrong things , wears the wrong clothes , and projects the " i know the answer " in class that popular kids ( or at least popular kids in the movies ) reject . at least she befriends nerdy aldys ( joan of arc's leelee sobieski--watch for her ) , who turns out to be more beautiful than those who are " supposed " to be more beautiful than her . what works : drew's geeky old-self . after a start in films that was headline driven , and a nadir of roles that had her play the sluttish character , it's a surprise to see her with bad hair , big glasses and braces . it's very funny . what doesn't work : drew's geeky new-self . come on . nobody dresses as bad as she does . couldn't she just go to _the gap_ and take suggestions ? had she dressed like princess leia it would have been better . the comedy is supposed to progress when drew's younger brother ( played with zest by david arquette ) reenlists to jump-start his baseball career . now , how in the world can somebody as nerdy ( but in a funny way ) as he can be the most popular kid in the school . . . in a day ? ! the dialogue in the film is , well , an embarrassment . her co-workers ( molly shannon , john c . reilly and gary marshall ) are in terminal hyper-drive . her teenage peers ( except sobieski ) are so inept and stupid that there's little bite from them . couldn't the filmmakers watch _heathers_ first ? lastly , i am proud to say that i caught a significant gaffe in the film . if you see the film , you'd know what i'm talking about : drew walks into a bar , has her hand stamped , and over the night associates with some rastafarians with some delicious , um , cake . she goes wild , sleeps in late . when she wakes , she rushes off to school , without showering , without noticing that her head , lying on her stamped hand all night , has transferred part of the stamp's image to her forehead , spelling " loser " . funny , eh ? . . . except that the hand would have transferred that image backwords .

james jones , one of the major novelists from the middle of the twentieth century , has written a number of fictional works about the effects of war on the individual . a veteran of world war ii , and a witness to the pearl harbor bombings , his novels are not only grounded in realism but poetic in nature . they are reminiscent of stephen crane in their blunt eloquence , a trait which lends itself to razor-sharp focus . but perhaps none matches the scope of his autobiographical novel , the thin red line ; now a cinematic masterpiece from director terrence malick . the book's principal cast , some thirty characters , has been trimmed down for this rendition , but it still retains its most endearing value . each of the roles has an everyman quality , emphasizing jones' examination of world war ii on the american soldier . there's a definitive chain of command present , and this also plays on the motivations of the cast . but most importantly , and perhaps intrinsic to the novel but not to the movie , a dynamic and effective voice-over is used . malick has several characters relating their thoughts , giving the viewer a greater perspective of the issues at stake . the issues at stake are many and one . told from a limited third-person perspective ( as opposed to a top-down , omniscient view ) , the movie entails the struggle of an american infantry company ( " c-for-charlie " ) to take a hill during the conflict at guadalcanal . the south pacific island is seen by the top brass as the key position for american armed forces to hold if they want to win the war . and want to win the war they do . in an excellent performance , nick nolte plays c-for-charlie's commanding officer , lt . col . gordon tall . he's an aging soldier who embodies the win-at-all-costs mentality , if only to impress his superior ( john travolta , in a questionable cameo ) . this philosophy is opposite that of captain bugger staros ( elias koteas ) , who dearly values the life of each and every one of the men under his command . at the front are the privates and corporals ( adrien brody , james caviezel , ben chaplin , et al ) , lead by 1st sgt . welsh ( sean penn ) , who must actually execute the suicide orders handed down to them . the thin red line is filled with intense , visual poetry , but it's nearly three hours long . although the interest level is high throughout the first two hours , the climax comes forty-five minutes before the end of the movie ; it goes without saying that the movie drags on the back end . the thin red line will doubtless be compared to 1998's other masterpiece of war , saving private ryan a countless number of times . but to do so is to belittle both films , for although similarities abound , so do differences . director malick has a story to tell , and for those interested in listening , this can be a very outstanding movie .

pulp fiction , quentin tarantino's anxiously awaited and superb follow-up to reservoir dogs , is absolutely and without a doubt progressing as one of the most talked about , loved , and hated films of all-time . in all fairness , it should be noted that those who love this film greatly outnumber those who hate it . as if reservoir dogs wasn't perfect , tarantino went ahead and improved on perfection by creating pulp fiction , a fast-paced , hard talking , roller coaster ride of a movie that combines violence and extraordinary dialogue in a seemingly perfect way . every major character in this film is represented by a terrific acting performance by the actor . to begin with , the two hit men : vincent vega ( john travolta ) and jules winnfield ( samuel l . jackson ) . these two characters work together perfectly , and the performances by each actor are nearly perfect . travolta , in fact , is still trying to get out of the vincent vega role . if these two characters were not enough , there's the struggling boxer butch coolidge ( bruce willis ) , the two small-time criminals pumpkin ( tim roth ) and honey bunny ( amanda plummer ) , the big man in charge marsellus wallace ( ving rhames ) and his attractive young wife mia ( uma thurman ) , and the " problem solver " himself , the wolf ( harvey keitel ) . these are just the major characters . smaller roles , but equally terrific , are handed to jimmie ( quentin tarantino ) , a young married man who gets caught up in some serious gangster business , lance ( eric stoltz ) , the far-out drug dealer , as well as maynard ( duane whitaker ) and zed ( peter greene ) , two hillbillies who are the men " behind " ( no pun intended for those of you who have seen this ) a very disturbing scene towards the end of the film . the film interweaves three stories that , at first , seem to be nothing alike but later prove to be very critical to each other . the film begins with pumpkin and honey bunny in a small coffee shop discussing their recent robberies and hold-ups . the two quickly decide to hold up the coffee shop , unknowing of what lies ahead . after this , the film focuses for some time on vincent and jules and their hit man lifestyle . utilizing the films unforgettable dialogue , the two men discuss such things as hamburgers and foot massages before they bust into an apartment to terrorize the occupants . the two men were sent to the apartment to recover a mysterious briefcase for their boss , marsellus wallace . after basically toying with the men , especially the unfortunate brett ( frank whaley ) , vincent and jules complete their mission and recover the briefcase . this is not before a man jumps out from a bathroom with a . 357 " hand cannon " , shooting at the two gangsters . he somehow completely misses them , leading jules to cite divine intervention . this is also the basis for more of the now-famous tarantino dialogue . the film then shifts to focus on boxer butch coolidge and his boxing escapades . butch was ordered to take a fall in his latest fight , but when he does not , marsellus vows to find him , wherever he is , and make sure that butch is not able to enjoy his new fortune . vincent , meanwhile , has the honor of taking marsellus' wife , mia , out on a date while the big man is out of town . vincent , obviously , is rather nervous about this , especially after hearing the tale about a man who was thrown out of a window for supposedly giving mia a foot massage . after their date , which seems to rather smoothly , things take a turn for the worst at the hands of vincent's high-priced heroin , dubbed a " monster " by lance . each story continually progresses , and new and amazing events occur . eventually , the stories all meet each other in the end , with pumpkin and honey bunny holding up the restaurant , which happens to contain both vincent and jules . pulp fiction is definitely one of the best films of the decade , and possibly of all-time . along with its superb dialogue , action , writing , directing , and acting , this film will not only latch onto you , but it proves that it does not want to release you until it has sunk its claws completely into you . and with most fans of this movie , this is proved to be a rather easy task , although at times the graphic images , violence , and language may seem a bit overpowering . surely , quentin tarantino's fame was greatly escalated by this film , and he proves not to be one who will fade from existence very soon .

[note that followups are directed to rec . arts . movies . current-films and rec . arts . movies . startrek . current only , not to rec . arts . sf . movies . -moderator] star trek : first contact a film review by michael dequina copyright 1996 michael dequina star trek : first contact ( pg-13 ) anyone familiar with the series of star trek movies knows of the " even-odd pattern " --the even-numbered installments of the series are good while the odd-numbered ones are , well , not-so-good . the pattern continues with the new star trek : first contact , an energetic sci-fi adventure that ( coincidentally ? ) is the eighth entry in the hugely popular series . in this first trek feature to feature only cast members from the late star trek : the next generation television series , captain jean-luc picard ( patrick stewart ) and the rest of the 24th-century crew of the starship enterprise--commander will riker ( jonathan frakes , who also directed ) , android lt . cmdr . data ( brent spiner ) , lt . cmdr . geordi laforge ( levar burton ) , lt . cmdr . worf ( michael dorn ) , dr . beverly crusher ( gates mcfadden ) , and counselor deanna troi ( marina sirtis ) --travel back to 21st-century earth while doing battle with the borg , a race of cybernetic beings that share a collective mind with the borg queen ( alice krige ) . the borg intend to alter history and assimilate all of humankind into their race--starting with the earth-orbiting crew of the enterprise and a 21st century stowaway ( alfre woodard ) . this is an interesting plotline that is sure to mesmerize trekkers everywhere and engage everyone else , but , unfortunately , it only makes up the star trek half of the script by brannon braga and ronald d . moore . the other half of the title--first contact--refers to a subplot that takes place on 21st-century earth , where riker , troi , and laforge meet legendary scientist zephram cochran ( james cromwell ) , who is about to embark on the first warp speed flight in human history , which directly leads to the first contact with extraterrestrials . while this story does tie into the main plot and pays off interestingly in the end , it is nowhere near as involving or exciting as the borg battles on the enterprise . not helping matters is the tiresome cochran character , an eccentric whose drunken schtick starts out funny but becomes too one-note after a while . in the end , though , the first contact subplot doesn't detract from the enjoyment of the film as a whole . the story is typical sci-fi fantasy , but the conviction of the cast--most notably the always-phenomenal stewart--makes you believe and care . frakes , making his feature directorial debut , keeps the action swiftly rolling along and delivers the action goods , even upping the violence a notch ( this is the first trek film to bear a pg-13 rating ) to greater effect . st : fc has a bigger budget than the last trek outing , the middling star trek generations , and it definitely shows on screen--the production design and especially visual and makeup effects are outstanding ( in particular those involving the borg queen ) . braga and moore's mostly sharp script will please both trek devotees and the rest ; the references to the borg storyline in the tv series , the continuity with the previous film ( e . g . the ongoing saga of data's emotion chip ) , and a fleeting star trek : voyager crossover will make trekkers squeal with delight , but such points are made easily accessible to those less familiar to the trek mythos . paramount was reportedly worried about the staying power of its trek franchise with the next generation cast now carrying the helm . based on the entertaining success that is star trek : first contact , i'd say the studio has nothing to worry about ( at least not until this cast retires and the crew of the wan star trek : deep space nine takes over . . . ) .

synopsis : when a meteorite crashlands in the arizona desert , community college professors ira kane ( duchovny ) and harry block ( jones ) are first on the scene . they discover that an alien lifeform has arisen from the rock and is evolving at an amazing rate . soon the army , advised by dr allison reed ( moore ) , moves in and forces kane and block out . but when the aliens begin to menace society , it may take the scientists' combined efforts to stop them before they terminate the evolution of another lifeform : humanity . review : " evolution " certainly has the ingredients for a decent comedy . it's directed by reitman , clearly trying to parlay his " ghostbusters " success into a twenty-first-century counterpart . it stars duchovny , and although one might question his judgment in lampooning his " x-files " character so soon after leaving the tv series , it should certainly provide him with plenty of ammunition . and then there's moore , who may not have much prior experience in comedy , but who has certainly proven her ability as an actress . a shame , then , that it all deteriorates into such a hopelessly unfunny morass . " evolution " is a movie more concerned with its special effects ( which are quite good ) than anything resembling a consistently funny script . it has its moments ( a scene in which jones' body is invaded by an alien is particularly entertaining ) , but there are embarrassingly long stretches that are utterly devoid of humour . moore is totally wasted , her clumsy shtick getting very old , very fast . duchovny has stunningly little in the way of material to work with . and the story is so formulaic , it could have been written by monkeys . part of what made " ghostbusters " so wonderful was a combination of a great script and characters the audience could root for . " evolution " is so mind-numbingly tedious that it's difficult not to start cheering for the aliens .

the question isn't why has grease been reissued . the answer to that one is easy : to celebrate the movie's 20th anniversary and to make more bucks for paramount's coffers because john travolta is once again a hot commodity . no , the question that ought to be asked is : should grease be reissued ? the answer is not an easy one . grease is a fun movie , an entertaining fantasy of the '50s , embodying all the cliches of that era . the music is lively and the dance numbers , choreographed by patricia birch , are energetic and high-spirited . travolta was at his pinnacle as a sexual icon , cool , but non-threatening . but grease didn't break any new cinematic ground . it was not a milestone in movie history such as citizen kane or easy rider . what grease is - or has become - is the highest-grossing musical in film history . ok , let's not be a spoilsport . grease is a fun and entertaining movie , even though it stretches credulity to see such performers as travolta , olivia newton-john , taxi's jeff conaway and the multi-talented stockard channing try to act like high schoolers . it's nostalgic to recall how good a dancer travolta was , and it's sad to think of what could have been had not a few missteps sidetracked his career . he could have become a musical comedy star in the tradition of gene kelly . cinematically , the musical comedy has basically gone the way of the dinosaur . between grease and 1996's evita . , you can probably count the number of movie musicals on one hand . two reasons have contributed to the demise of the genre : the first is that movie audiences have become more sophisticated , no , make that cynical and jaded . today , if a character began to dance and sing with no orchestra in sight , he or she would probably be hooted off the screen . today's audiences lack the innocence , that belief in movie magic that is required for a musical to succeed . secondly , a lack of talent . performers with the charisma , the style , the larger-than-life panache of fred astaire , gene kelly , ginger rogers and judy garland are gone . most singers and dancers remain on the stage , and those who do succeed in movies usually wind up in serious dramatic parts . a good example is gregory hines , one of the greatest dancers in the world . he danced a bit in the cotton club , tap and white nights , but those were essentially dramatic vehicles . so , perhaps the reissue of grease can serve a purpose . if audiences show enough interest , meaning if the re-release earns the studio enough revenue , it may spark a revival in movie musicals . perhaps not original musicals such as singin' in the rain , an american in paris or seven brides for seven brothers , but for broadway properties that have been in the planning stages for film adaptations for several years . at one time or another , according to the industry rumor mill , hollywood has been set to create an animated version of andrew lloyd webber's cats , a filming of the popular phantom of the opera as well as les miserables and chicago , the latter reportedly to star madonna . so , let this grease be the forerunner of an armada of movie musicals . let grease be the word that sparks this revival .

an 18-foot-high , 43-foot-long dragon is the computer-generated co- star of this strictly-by-the-numbers sword 'n' sorcery flick . as voiced by sean connery , " draco " is a surprisingly expressive creation who is well-deserving of his 23 minutes of screen time . he walks , talks , flies , fries , and even fakes his own death , all with the help of 96 computer-aided animators . too bad that ilm ( industrial light and magic ) couldn't spare some special effects for dragonheart's * human * co-stars . a bearded black hole exists where dennis quaid should be . he's a near-total loss as he growls glumly through his role of a disillusioned knight . david thewlis' evil king has a high hiss factor ( hf ) , though he's more of a mumbling oddity than anything else . oh , and there's some redhead in a '90's wig , who runs around either screaming or scowling , depending upon if the particular scene has her playing the woman in peril or the put upon peasant . the fringe flourishes include pete postlethwaite as a wandering monk with literary ambitions , julie christie ( ! ) as the good queen mother , a band of mercenaries that appear dressed for ye olde heavy-metal concert , and , believe or it not , the speaking spirit of king arthur . bring out your dead ! unfortunately , when we add it all together ( draco + fringe bits - quaid - thewlis ) , the sum total amounts to zero . dragonheart is , well , too much of too little . director rob cohen ( dragon : the bruce lee story ) has made a big , expensive movie that , while ambitiously plotted , is both murky and predictable . and overscored . and self-important . and the list goes on . ( i must ask : did screenwriter charles edward pogue intend that * every * character be stabbed , lanced , or sliced at least once ? keep that man away from the knife drawer ! ) the last five minutes of this movie are the worst , with some silly celestial nonsense that would be laughed out of any planetarium light show , much less a summer movie . save your money .

synopsis : wealthy cuban landowner luis ( banderas ) gets more than he bargained for when he sends away for an american bride . not only does his new wife turn out to be the beautiful julia ( jolie ) , she also harbours a secret past of dubious merit . soon , julia has absconded with both luis' fortune and his heart , and as he pursues his wife through the cuban underworld , luis begins to realise that , for him , there is no turning back . review : given the absurdism of its would-be plot , it's unlikely that " original sin " could have been turned into a reputable piece of filmmaking , regardless of writer , director or stars . this is , at its heart , b-movie junk : a lurid melodrama which appeals to neither the brain nor the heart but to the nether regions . that said , " original sin " could at least have become enjoyable junk had the filmmakers embraced its trashiness and indulged in it . instead , cristofer seems to have mistaken this for a serious production , and directs it as such . the result is a vapid , uninteresting morass of obvious crosses and double crosses , as likely to incite a yawn as a thrill . consider the initial sex scene between banderas and jolie : brightly-lit and mostly filmed from above , it looks like an excerpt from an amateur soft porn show . cristofer doesn't even manage to capture the allure of cuba ; instead of portraying his setting as a steamy , sensuous island paradise , it appears bland and lifeless . at least banderas and jolie manage to inspire some interest ; there are hints at times that they want to have more fun with the script , but aren't being given the chance . the same cannot be said of jane , whose billy is nebbish and transparent . also unwise is the jolie framing sequence , which practically gives away the film's denouement .

as a devout atheist and an avowed believer in aliens , i have some idea of how ellie aroway ( jodie foster ) feels . but because my reasons for not partaking in religion are different than hers , i can't say that i do exactly . her reason is that she needs solid proof : there is no proof that god existed , so therefor she does not believe . ellie also believes in aliens , and has spent most of her life trying to prove they exist . how can she say she doesn't believe in god because of the lack of proof , and then say she believes in aliens , which are gereally less believed in than god without sounding like a hypocrite ? that's the catch-22 . when aliens from the star vega fax her some plans for a device to transport someone to them ( okay , well , they didn't really * fax * them . . . ) ellie wants to be the one to go , but because of her atheism she is denied the position . how dumb is that ? she discovers the transmitions , then she isn't allowed to go . well , because of a bomb and a psychopath ( jake busey ) , she * does * end up going , but not in the way that we would've thought . contact is based on a novel by carl sagan , who died during the filmmaking . it is the best alien movie since close encounters of the 3rd kind , and will end up being the best film of the year . its views of science and religion will no doubt aggrivate some , but will stimulate more . i'm glad at least one movie of the '90s can portray aliens in a psitive light , rather than a bunch of slimey beasts who will eat your insides and then put on your body .

a fully loaded entertainment review - website coming in july ! i didn't really expect very much when i rented stuart saves his family . the movie bombed at the box office , and i had never really liked the saturday night live sketch on which the movie was based . my real concern , though , was the general reputation of snl-related movies translating to the big screen with less-than-stellar results ( half-baked , anyone ? ) i was surprised to discover a truly entertaining , often hilarious yet also touching little film . it is an al franken production through-and-through , who not only created the title character but also wrote and starred in the picture . for those of you who don't know , al franken plays a guy named stuart smalley , who has a really annoying show on a public-access station about increasing your self-esteem , etc . although not a licensed therapist , stuart smalley is , as the program proudly boasts , " a graduate of several 12-step programs . " stuart is doing well enough with his tv show , but he keeps getting distracted by family troubles . stuart's relatives are a mess : his dad and brother ( harris yulin and vincent d'onofrio , respectively ) are alcoholics , his sister is overweight and getting over another divorce , and his mom is in constant self-denial and solves all perceived problems by baking . then , disaster strikes . stuart accidentally insults the manager of the station and gets his show revoked . he is forced to move back in with his family after he can no longer support himself , and there the comedy truly picks up . franken wrote all of the characters not just as cliches or stereotypes , but as sharply-drawn , real people . although smalley's dad has always imbibed too much , stuart can still recall times when his father seemed like an okay guy . also , after an accident towards the end of the movie , both stuart and the audience learn that there is more to his mother than previously thought . although filled with small , very funny scenes , stuart saves his family also has its share of dramatic moments , especially towards the conclusion . for a lightweight comedy , it handles these scenes especially well , often better than many so-called " serious dramas " of today . all the more amazing is that such a movie comes from a saturday night live sketch that is essentially a one-joke bit . if you feel like renting a comedy , and you haven't seen this film , i definitely recommend you try this one out . you'll laugh . . . you'll cry . . . . it's all there .

martial arts master steven seagal ( not to mention director ! ) has built a career out of playing an allegedly fictitious martial arts superman who never gets hurt in fights , talks in a hushed tone , and squints at any sign of danger . he's also the most consistent individual in hollywood today , since all his movies suck . they basically represent his egotisitical tendencies about his art ( that is , martial art ) . i'm sure the guy's good , and he seems like a nice guy on talk shows , although a tad haughty , but these movies he makes are all the same : a guy who is basically indestructable , is maybe wounded supposedly mortally , then comes back with a vengeance and goes buddha on all the baddies asses ( although i kinda liked " under siege " ) . of course , this one , as a change , has a " message " that is drilled into our mind . . . of course , after he blows up a lot of stuff and kills a bunch of people . so why do i watch his crap ? i usually don't . i will never , and you can hold me to this , i will never pay to see this man's movies , unless , and only unless , he's in a supporting role ( i . e . " executive decision " ) and i'd definitely pay if he dies ( i . e . " executive decision " ) . but this one has a special place in my heart . this doesn't mean it's good or that i even liked it . this was the last movie i watched with my deceased uncle , and we had one hell of a time ripping it apart a la " mystery science theatre 3000 , " and this was a couple years before i had heard of " mystery science theatre 3000 . " in this one , seagal plays a worker for a mining factory set in alaska and run by the greased-up typical shallow villain , this time played by an oscar-winner to give the movie some more clout - michael caine . it seems that caine wants to do something with his oil factory that includes him dumping oil all over inuit land . around the 20-30 minute point , seagal speaks up to him in what seems to be the typical speech to all the vain entrepeneurs ( what with his new " fire down below , " another " message film " ) , and caine has him bumped off . . . or does he ? seagal is rescued by some inuits , and falls in love with one of them , played by joan chen , who can act , hypothetically , but , for some reason , not here . one of caine's cliched henchmen ( played here with a lot of overacting by john c . mcginley ) shoots the cheif of the inuit clan , and chen and seagal go on a voyage to take down the oil factory . . . literally , of course . at one point , seagal gives a wonderfully hysterical speech about how he doesn't have any options but blow stuff up . he even goes as far as to say , " i don't want to kill someone , " and in the same breath , he asks some guy where the arsenal is . i have no problem with violence . i'm a huge john woo fan , but he paints his films with suspense , skill , style , depth , characterization , and just plain cool violence . in the films of seagal , the suspense mainly consists of the baddie attacking him stupidly , and him either wounding or killing them . at some points , they use the cliche of the talking villain , where the villain has the advantage , can shoot seagal , but begins talking by either telling him his big secret plan , or saying a corny line , to which seagal says something hokey back , and has had enough time to devise of a way to do away with them , and does . this would be okay if there were any suspense or if it didn't take itself seriously at all , like in the case of this summer's " con air . " but seagal is serious about his skill , and of course , his message . i wouldn't mind if this was a message film in the way that they present it to you with evidence . but seagal has no idea how to present a film where the message is subtle , not pounded into the viewer's mind . the villain is totally shallow and cartoonish , thus we can't take him and his motives seriously , and while seagal talks about being kind to the environment , he also goes ahead and blows up a square mile of rig , and kills some workers who were just doing his job . then at the end , he spends a good 10 minutes giving a speech , just in case you didn't get the message from the trailers . what seagal doesn't realize is that no one takes his films seriously ( although maybe a couple do ) and any message he has is no only redundant , but doesn't comfortably fit in his film , which is filled to the brim with hokey violence , crap suspense , stupid melodrama , and characters who have about as much emotional depth as a petri dish . as far as seagal and his acting , he's rather boring . he squints , he kills . period . nothing else . oh , yeah , there's corny one-liners ( " i'm gonna reach out and touch someone ! " ) . of course , he's the star , and we're supposed to root for him and all , so he makes all the villains unbelievably stupid and a bunch of jerks . michael caine , who's a great actor , is just supposed to yell and look cold . he does it well , i guess , but this is no " alfie . " of coure , no one was expecting that caliber of performance from him . his big henchman , john c . mcginley is kinda boring as well , but is not horrible . and we even get a small performance from that god of drill sergeants on celluloid , r . lee ermey ( from " full metal jacket " ) as a hired assasin squad leader who gets to say the obligatory speech about how dangerous seagal is , just for the movie trailers and for seagal's ego . and also , look for billy bob thornton as one of ermey's assasins . anyway , to conclude this all , to judge one of seagal's movies is to judge all of them ( except for " under siege " and " executive decision , " though the latter is not really a " seagal movie " ) . they all have this same formula , they all have the same action , same villain , same plot , but this one has that message , which makes it more excrucitating to watch . i mean , if you do rent it , and i don't reccomend you do , make sure you just skip the last 10 minutes . but i have to put it to seagal for creating a film so bad , that the last film i viewed with my uncle was a pleasurable one . my ( extra star for the fun it is to watch and mock )

as any reasonable human being would , i must admit that occasionally i am befuddled by certain things . i am befuddled by fight club . now sometimes our favorite films are panned by critics and do not achieve critical success until much later , sometimes as much as ten or twenty years later . perhaps it is because these films are way ahead of their time . perhaps it is because they are so new and complex that only after years of allowing them to sink in do we truly appreciate and understand them . fight club is either garbage or brilliant , but , at least right now , i must lean toward the former . maybe i am subconsciously affected by word of mouth that has been slowly leaking throughout the media for weeks that this film is pure gold . but if it is , i sure don ? t see it . edward norton plays jack , a field examiner for a major automobile manufacturer . his insomnia , coupled with his compulsive desires to fill his world with ikea furniture to ? complete ? himself , make him a loser at the game of life . but when all of his worldly possessions are blown out his 15th story window , he seeks comfort in a stranger , tyler ( pitt ) whom he met on a flight home . once jack is sucked into tyler ? s world , he can ? t get out , literally . they begin fight club , an organization based on brutal and bloody fistfights that signify nothing other than to provide those that join a sense of belonging . as the fight club grows , things get out of control and take on cult status , beginning with one future soldier who proves his worth by standing still outside tyler ? s house for three days . i dare not even begin to bring up the last quarter of the film , since that contains the twist that ? explains ? the pointless journey . suffice it to say i was truly disappointed in fincher , who ? s previous two films , se7en and the game put him in a very slim category of truly brilliant young filmmakers of the next generation . this is not to imply by any means that he is no longer a genius or capable of bringing more masterpieces to the table . but with fight club , he has allowed his unique talent for extraordinary vision to be distorted by silly digital experiments and self-referencing film elements , such as talking to the audience about what they are seeing , telling them that the little blips in the right hand corner are signifiers that the projectionist is changing reels and that a slightly altered recurring line is good ? flashback humor ? . now , throughout the film ? s coarsely woven texture and over-extended plot lines , fight club is obviously trying to make various social comments about the state of the world today . advertisements , inter-office politics , corporations , you name it , it ? s addressed . ( though the media are suspiciously absent from the institutions that are referenced . ) all of them play an important role . how so ? well , i can kinda just tell . i can ? t really put my finger on it . to say that starbucks and barnes & noble are taking over their respective markets and kicking out the small business owner is no big news . is that bad for the world ? probably . not much room for social commentary there . we all know that inter-office politics are just that . . . politics . so what was the point of all this ? the film seems desperate to make a point , or a number of points , but i couldn ? t figure out what they were . all i saw was a very bizarre social satire that was woven with strange film techniques , a bleak visual design and some fine acting . ( pitt , carter , norton . . . all of them are good . even meatloaf is good . ) when you get to the end , you will most likely be filled with questions , many of which the filmmakers wanted you to ask of yourself . not them , because each of them would likely give you a different answer . fight club means what you want it to mean , i think fincher just gives you the stuff to think about . but it couldn ? t be more bizarre and unappealing . sure , it had shock value , but so did se7en and the game , and they were significantly stronger films .

though it is a fine piece of filmmaking , there's something about elizabeth . . . that left me a bit cold , and i think it is something that bugs me quite often in films , particularly these days ; i just didn't care about the characters . to me , the first and foremost job of a filmmaker is to create characters ( be they imagined or historical as the case may be ) that the audience gives a hoot about . and though elizabeth works well on many levels , it falls short of excellence because of that very reason . elizabeth takes place in england in 1554 , as queen mary , half sister of elizabeth and a monarch on the side of catholicism is dying . before she dies , though , she cannot bear to sign a document which would condemn her half sister to death because of her heretical protestant beliefs . as a result , amidst much anger within the council , elizabeth becomes the queen of england . the film chronicles her rise to power as she fights for a unified church of england and tries to bring order to her personal and political life . much of the film deals with elizabeth's love for lord robert , a mysterious man who thrusts his lordship onto many a woman as he continues to proclaim his love for the queen . there is much ado about her lack of a husband , and political pressures from spain and france enter into the equation . the problem with the film lies with this as its centerpiece , as love interests are such a character driven element . i didn't much care about the characters ( perhaps aside for elizabeth who is played quite well by blanchett ) and so i didn't have much interest in who would join her in her nuptials . the cast is rounded out well with the marvelous rush who plays the queen's most loyal advisor , sir francis , and attenborough as a well-meaning but old-fashioned lead council . why then , you must be asking , do i recommend elizabeth ? simply because it is the result of a perfect pairing of director and cinematographer . kapur and his cinematographer remi adefarasin ( neither of whom i have heard ) create a beautifully realized piece of filmmkaing from the technical side . the light streams through each frame as in any painting from the period and beautifully captures the realistic light sources that would have been found in churches , cellars and castles in 16th century europe . each frame is rich with color contrasted with blackness or blown-out white light from windows . the costumes by alexandra byrne deserve a mention as they are such an inportant aspect of each shot . indeed , elizabeth is one of the most visually beautiful films of the decade , ranking with kundun and braveheart . watch also for the incredibly " godfather-esque " mass murder scene . it made me think in retrospect of the similarities between the two films .

a sci fi/comedy starring jack nicholson , pierce brosnan , annette benning , glenn close , martin short and other stars . a warner bros picture the martians have landed in this hillarous tim burton movie . before entering the cinema , i was initially a little bit nervous about what this film would be like . many people were saying that this film was silly rubbish , and there was no point to it all . how wrong they were . i left this film feeling much happier than i was before i entered the cinema . the story is about martians attacking earth . using ray guns ( hooray ! ) they generally cause havoc around the u . s and other countries . nicholson plays the president who must try to stop invasion , and also taking advice from his loopy officials . but , basically , its a load of set pieces showing the martians destroying earth . the way people are killed by the ray guns is great , they is a hillarous ( and mildly disturbing scene ) involving a martian lady , a mad general who just wants to nuke the aliens away , ( and ends up getting squashed by an aliens foot ) and a gory finale involving lots of alien heads exploding . but , most of all , this film is fun . the martians are full of character , the performances are spot on , and the all star cast help make the film more enjoyable . the film is a million times better then the dire independance day , and is a real tribute to the tacky '50s invasion movies . they are is a great score by danny elfman , and lots of laughs . this has to be the best invasion i've seen for a long time .

capsule : gal is a 50s-ish london cockney gangster who has retired to spain . his old associates want him for one last job and send the vicious don to give him an offer he can't refuse . a standout performance by ben kingsley as don cannot save what is essentially a set of cliches recycled from old westerns . , 0 ( -4 to +4 ) roger ebert asks in his review of sexy beast , " who would have guessed that the most savage mad-dog frothing gangster in recent movies would be played by . . . ben kingsley ? " my response would be that anyone who has seen alan arkin in wait until dark , henry fonda in once upon a time in the west , or anthony hopkins in the silence of the lambs should have guessed it . they should know that the way for a film to create a really creepy sociopath is cast someone who generally plays mild , sympathetic , or even ineffectual character roles . the same characteristics that make an actor seem gentle in most of his roles can work in his favor when a role calls for him to be fierce and vicious . that is the principle that works for kingsley in sexy beast . gary " gal " dove ( played by ray winstone ) has retired from a london career of crime and is living on a luxurious villa in spain . life has become a routine of sunning himself and relaxing . but his paradise is about to be shattered by a one-two-punch . the first punch is a boulder that comes rolling down the hill next to the villa . the second punch comes from gal's past . back in london gang boss teddy bass ( ian mcshane , tv's lovejoy ) is planning to break into a safety deposit room in a bank and he wants gal . he sends his most rabid henchman don logan ( ben kingsley ) to fetch gal . don will accept any decision gal makes from " yes " to " certainly . " however , if gal says " no " don will do whatever it takes to turn it into a yes including threatening guy's ex-porn- star wife deedee ( amanda redman ) . in the meantime don knows just how to get under everybody's skin . kingsley makes don a compact package of fury and nastiness . there are some serious problems in louis mellis's and david scinto's script that should have been caught before filming . when we see the actual crime we have no idea why gal was so important to its success . beyond an ability to use skin-diving gear , no special talents are required of him . any local hood could have done what gal is needed for . additionally the crime involves digging from a swimming pool to the bank vault , flooding the vault . no only could they have let the water out of the pool and avoided the complication altogether , but there is by far too much water to be accounted for by what was in the pool . in spite of the provocative title , the story is cliched and overly familiar . i know i have seen all the plot elements of sexy beast in old westerns like the law and jake wade . the story is usually of the reformed outlaw , a robert taylor type , who has hung up his guns and is trying for a life of peaceful respectability . the old gang , however , wants to do one more job with their old buddy and sends a rabid richard widmark type to go and git ? im . it is not a great plot . in sexy beast even the plot twists have gray beards . perhaps the film has a little more respectability because it was made not as a western but as a stylish british gangster film . it is an old plot dressed up to look new . if the plot is old , at least the style is creative . this is director jonathan glazer's first film , but he has reputedly done some notable tv ads for guinness stout . his style does have some unexpected touches including some very odd dream sequences . cinematographer ivan bird uses a lot of half lit scenes . we see one side of a person's faces . but the other side fades into the darkness , a sort of metaphor for the half-world these characters in-habit . half of everything that is happening is also kept hidden . we yanks will have a hard time with some of the dialog . at least in my theater it was difficult to make out the words with the quiet speaking , the heavy accents , and the cockney language . sexy beast is a very and familiar minor plot lent respectability in the us by being done in what is here a still somewhat novel genre , the london crime film . the plot may be new to british crime films , but it would be overly familiar as a western . further respectability comes from ben kingsley's high-powered performance . i give it a 4 on the 0 to 10 scale and a 0 on the -4 to +4 scale .

porter stoddard ( warren beatty ) is a successful architect married to successful fabric designer ellie ( diane keaton ) for twenty-five years . they and best friends mona ( goldie hawn ) and griffin ( garry shandling ) are about to face marital crises in a film most well known for its torturous path to the screen , " town and country . " " town and country " has a pedigree befitting it's title with an all star cast photographed by oscar nominated cinematographer william fraker and mouthing the words of screenwriter buck henry ( " the graduate " ) under the direction of peter chelsom ( " funny bones " ) . after years of reports of budget overruns and reshoots and the racking up twelve different release dates , the media has been prepped for beatty's next " ishtar . " so , is it that bad ? the answer is no . but it's not very good either . the major problem with " town and country " is that it's unstructured and random . stoddard is immediately established as a philanderer , having just bedded a flaky cellist ( nastassja kinski ) . next scene finds him and ellie celebrating their anniversary in paris with mona and griffin . then mona spies griffin hustling a redhead into a motel and begins divorce proceedings ( buck henry cameos as both couples' divorce lawyer ) . ellie thinks she's overeacting , but sends porter to support mona on a trip to check out her family's mississippi manse . the two childhood friends end up in bed together , making us wonder why they'd never become a couple to begin with . back home , their second coupling is interrupted by ellie bursting in to tell mona she thinks porter's cheating on her . porter goes off on a trip with griffin to sun valley , idaho to have more comic misadventures with wacky women as griffin attempts to tell him that he's gay . the four friends , along with every woman porter's dallied with , all end up back in new york city somewhat happily ever after . although the film begins promisingly , resembling a woody allen take on new york city wasps , too many strands drift off into nowhere . the stoddard household is huge , containing two adult children ( josh hartnett , " the virgin suicides " and tricia vessey , " kiss the girls " ) , their colorful bedmates and a maid who's just imported her shirtless boyfriend from the rainforest back home . after an amusing early scene that has porter overhearing three bouts of lovemaking while in search of a nocturnal snack , the six supporting players are dropped except for an out-of-nowhere appearance by the formerly forgotten son . porter's romantic misadventures with women ( other than mona ) are equally mishandled . once the marital discord begins , the film seems as if it was editted with a machete , stopping and starting , never regaining its rhythm . while beatty gets off a few tart observations , his character is mostly passive and bemused . maybe we're supposed to feel sympathy for an adulterer who doesn't initiate his own sex romps ? keaton's ellie has a trusting nature that's a result of her own self involvement resulting in an unlikeable character . hawn smartly recycles her mature sex kitten wives of " the out of towners " and " the first wives' club " while shandling's relegated to true second banana status . kinski is bland and unmotivated . andie macdowell takes a weirdly unappealing role and does what she can with the screenplay's most bizarre subplot , which finds charlton heston as her rifle toting , billionaire daddy and marian seldes as her alcoholic , wheelchair-bound , foul-mouthed mother . heston and seldes are fun , as is jenna elfman as a sun valley bait and tackle salesgirl who brings porter and griffin to a halloween party . oscar nominatored cinematographer william fraker gives the film a nice look , but director chelsom shows none of the quirkily and blackly humorous depth he brought to films like " hear my song " and " funny bones . " the script is this film's weakest link - it's telling that most of the ( few ) laughs come from old-fashioned physical slapstick and the sight of beatty in a bear suit . while " town and country " isn't exactly painful to sit through , it mostly just lays there .

you've heard all the hype . you've seen all their faces - natalie portman ( the professional ) as queen amidala , liam neeson ( schindler's list ) as qui-gon jinn , ewan mcgregor ( trainspotting ) as obi-wan kenobi , and jake lloyd ( jingle all the way ) as young anakin skywalker . if you've read any reviews , you've also probably heard that this movie fails to live up to the magic and humanity of the first trilogy . you also may have heard that this one's too kiddie-friendly , and doesn't have enough content for adults . believe the hype . the effects are stunning , the digitalized creatures are amazingly realistic , the lightsaber duels are amazing , and queen amidala's sumptuous robes are fit to be worn by queen elizabeth . but there's something missing here , and it isn't budget or effects - it's everything money * can't * buy . the actors struggle as best they can to flesh out broad-stroked and flat characters . the most successful at this is liam neeson who , as qui-gon jinn , a jedi master to young obi-wan kenobi , has quiet dignity and a wise , commanding presence . he is the anchor to this movie , as he is the one character who george lucas apparently spent some time fleshing out . portman's queen amidala and mcgregor's obi-wan kenobi don't fare nearly so well . amidala , the future mother of luke and leia and the queen of a peaceful planet being invaded by the trade federation ( ? ! ? ) , comes off as stoic , stilted and caricatured ( it appears as though she was a vulcan geisha in a former life ) . and obi-wan , although mcgregor makes him very endearing , has so little screen time that he's nothing but a robin to qui-gon jinn's batman . however , mcgregor does struggle manfully to infuse this surprisingly small supporting role with a spark of genuine insight and humanity , and he does a good job . he also absolutely nails alec guiness' ( obi-wan in episode 4 - 6 ) scottish accent , and that really makes his presence in the film more profound than it might have been otherwise . in fact , lucas seems to bank on that preexisting knowledge quite a bit , and that's one of the problems with this film . i would never call myself a " star wars " fan - especially not considering what it means to be a fanatic these days - but i've always enjoyed the films along with everyone else in america . however , if you are the one person in america who * hasn't * seen the films at all or even recently , or who doesn't bother to brush-up on the names of obscure characters , you may be hopelessly lost . for example , one of the film's main ( nefarious ) characters is senator palpatine . for those of you not recently steeped in " star wars " trivia , emperor palpatine is that scary hooded apparition who was darth vader's master in " return of the jedi " and " empire strikes back . " so , obviously , his appearance in " phantom menace " is meant to stir some echoes of his later role in the series , thus making his role here more meaningful . a lot of the movie is like that . r2-d2 and c-3po make token appearances , and it's obvious that lucas is banking on the audience's pre-existing fondness for them . . . because he doesn't do much to add to it in any way . same goes for jabba the hutt , who doesn't look as much mean here as he does corpulent and lazy . even * planets * make foreshadowing guest appearances in this film - tatooine ( the desert world where luke grew up ) , coruscant ( the cloud city from " empire strikes back " ) , and alderaan ( leia's home planet - which we never actually see - that gets blown up in " star wars " ) show up or are mentioned briefly in passing . what's the result of tying so many plot points and characters to future films ? the answer is that this one seems surprisingly empty . there's no meat - no substance - that makes you want to love the characters as they are , not as they will be . another problem is that there are actually * too many * alien characters in the film . i was distracted by the fact that two of the main evil characters - strange looking aliens who looked like gila monsters - had mouths that barely moved , making them look more like muppets than actual characters . and jar jar binks , a silly roger rabbitish amphibious character , is intended as comic relief , but what he really becomes is annoying - and fast . unlike chewbacca and c-3po , who got their humanity ( if you'll pardon the expression ) from their interactions with the human characters , jar jar is often left to interact mostly with others of his kind , at times making the movie seem like nothing more than a very expensive " teenage mutant ninja turtles . " furthermore , the dialogue is often stilted and corny , and sometimes downright infantile , thereby rendering some characters into nothing more than bystanders to the plot . oddly , this isn't just * my * judgment - lucas has said that he designed this film for kids . well , he's done a good job . the hero of this film , of course , is young anakin , but it was very hard for me to feel any kinship or identify with an eight-year-old boy . that's not jake lloyd's fault , though - he does a good job of being a cute kid , which is apparently all lucas asked of him . that's another mistake , of course , because the cute tyke becomes darth vader . warning : spoilers ahead ! ! ! ! in my opinion , there was not nearly enough foreshadowing of anakin's future evil in the film . the boy is all blond flowing hair and rosy cheeks , and there's nothing more than a spark of aggression in him throughout the entire movie . he has a doting mother ( pernilla august , making her first english- language film ) and is a slave to a gross flying gnome on tatooine . but the only indication the audience gets that this kid isn't all hearts and roses is yoda's hesitation in allowing him to train as a jedi under qui-gon jinn . his explanation ? " his future is clouded . " ( warning : major spoiler ahead . enter at your own risk . ) of course , the noble qui-gon dies at the hand of darth maul , a scary-looking sith lord who excels at the jedi arts , but has turned to the dark side . this dude has maybe two lines in the entire movie , but he establishes his presence through his amazing moves with his double-sided lightsaber , and his scary facial makeup . because qui-gon never gets a chance to train the young anakin in the ways of the force , obi-wan , qui-gon's young padawan apprentice ( one level below knightdom ) , must take over the training himself . so , at the end of the movie , we end where the saga actually begins - with obi-wan kenobi and his young apprentice , anakin " darth vader " skywalker . did this story need to be told ? i would say no . but is it a worthwhile movie to see ? absolutely . if you don't enter the theater with jedi-size expectations , and you simply want to be treated to an enjoyable visual spectacle , then this is your movie . the tatooine pod races are a triumph of effects and computer animation . the digitalized backgrounds on some of the planets are an astonishing sight . and yoda and young obi-wan are worth seeing for their origins in a simpler , happier time . above all , this is a fun movie . not deep , not meaningful , and not profound . but fun . maybe next time , lucas will hire lawrence kasdan to co-write the script , and the guy who directed " empire " will direct . because if lucas does the next one himself , it will be lacking the one thing it needs the most - potential . : )

the thought-provoking question of tradition over morals is the subject directly at the core of " leila , " a powerfully articulated and subtle drama from famous iranian director dariush mehrjui , that is his first motion picture in a prosperous thirty-year career to gain u . s . distribution , thanks to first run features . although unfamiliar with mehrjui's previous directing efforts , perhaps the reason for this is that , while the predicament at hand is no doubt exclusive to its own country , the heartbreaking and solely truthful emotions of the characters can easily be understood by all viewers . set in modern-day iran , " leila " begins on the birthday of the title character ( leila hatami ) , after a brief prologue in which we are shown the first encounter between leila and her future husband , reza ( ali mosaffa ) . as leila and reza set off to visit his parents , and then hers , where a birthday celebration has been planned , things seem rosy for the couple on the outside , but for leila , life isn't quite as sweet . earlier , on that very same day , leila had gone to see her physician , and has ultimately discovered that she holds very little chance of ever conceiving a child . when all of the conditions are ruled out , and leila passes up the possibility of adoption , reza firmly and lovingly tells her that he married her , and doesn't care at all about having children . nonetheless , leila is ashamed that she will never be able to give him a baby , which is the societal norm , and her self-esteem is not helped at all by her domineering mother-in-law ( jamileh sheikhi ) , whose hopes to carry on the sacred family name vanishes once hearing the news ( reza is her only son ) . bluntly explaining to leila that reza has always wished for children and , in a country where polygamy is an accepted tradition , she suggests that he take a second wife to bear a child with . leila hesitantly agrees , and while she and reza are able to shallowly laugh afterwards about the hopeful womens' inadequacies , reza finally does meet a woman whom he claims to like , even though he refuses to go through with the marriage if leila doesn't give her full blessing . there are no easy answers to be found within " leila , " a film that thoughtfully examines the central character's unfortunate plight , as well as the inner workings of leila herself , told through matter-of-fact narration . almost completely taken over by her own shame , she has no option but to agree to her forceful mother-in-law's requests , even though she is unsure of how she will react if reza really does end up marrying another woman . maybe because " leila " is from iran , the film will unquestionably be shocking for american audiences , since the concept of polygamy is looked upon by the characters as a more or less everyday occurrence . leila , however , is unable to come to terms with the idea quite as easily , but feels it is her duty to make her husband happy , no matter what the circumstances . one of the strongest aspects of the film is in its portrayal of the relationship between leila and reza , who married only three months after their first meeting , but obviously love each other very deeply . it is this relationship that is the key ingredient to making what follows the opening scenes all the more powerful , and director mehrjui has succeeded just about as well as possible . although seemingly unimportant at first glance , an early sequence where leila and reza are eating dinner and both are laughing , nearly uncontrollably , actually is one of the most vital moments in the first half , as it unmistakably sets the boundary for their unrequisite love for one another . ditto for another scene in which reza gives leila a large stuffed animal for her birthday , and then reveals a beautiful necklace he has also gotten her . these " small " moments are the perfect contrast for the solemn , outraging sequences in the latter half , in which reza drops leila off at the side of a busy road , and then zooms off to go on a date with another woman . left there to ponder her quickly diminishing marriage , foolishly unbeknownst to reza , leila prays each time that the date will not go well , so she will be able to keep her husband to herself for a little while longer . refusing to stay over at her parent's house , the film inevitably leads up to the second wedding night between reza and another woman , and in a sequence of extraordinary sorrow and potency , leila finds her whole being emotionally torn apart , as she is closed up in an upstairs bedroom as the marriage proceedings are going on down below . despite her initial agreement to such a thing , leila realizes how much she has been betrayed by reza , whom she believed cared for her as much as she did of him . sure , the whole second marriage was his mother's idea , but if he really did believe what he initially had told her about not wanting any children , then he could have still easily backed out , couldn't he ? in the pivotal role of leila , who appears in every scene , leila hatami is nothing short of remarkable , injecting her character with an equal measure of startling strength , unavoidable vulnerability , and utter despair . unlike most american films , in which everything always has to be spelled out for audiences , hatami says much more with just an elusive expression on her face than could possibly have been conveyed by words . every bit a perfect match for hatami is ali mosaffa , as reza , a man who , i believe , does hold an unbreakable bond with his wife , but is too naive to realize what he will be doing to leila if he marries someone else . for all of its strong aspects , " leila " isn't a perfect film . on a technical level , i found many blatant punctiation and spelling mistakes within the subtitles that need to be fixed . and concerning the plot developments , the final five minutes ring false when compared with everything that has come before . mehrjui's decision to use an extremely stylized approach to the ending was the wrong choice , particularly in his almost comedic way of wrapping up the character of the spiteful mother-in-law , played memorably by jamileh sheikhi . despite these minor missteps , " leila " is an important motion picture that should definately be sought out upon its limited may 16 release at new york's cinema village , and then on may 21 in la . the thought-provoking questions that the film deals with is balanced evenly with its uneasy morales , and when the climax arrives , leila's self-worth is startlingly stripped away to reveal a victim led into complete devastation , to which there is no return . it's difficult to not consider how leila's culminating interior demise could have been so simply avoided , had the other characters taken a second out of their own selfish lives to consider what leila , the major pawn in the unforgivable scheme , was going through .

( warning to those who have not seen seven : this review contains some spoiler information . ) seven is a powerful , fully-realized film on the level of the silence of the lambs . it is a disturbing film that accomplishes its biggest of goals--it occupies the viewers mind long after the closing credits have rolled . while this film is not for the squeamish , there is no denying that seven demands attention , for it is a film that transcends its genre in both style and substance . for starters , classifying seven as a " thriller " would not be an altogether complete classification of this film . while i was genuinely thrilled throughout , i would rather call seven an " intense drama , " because that is what it delivers--meaningful scenes with a relentlessness that does not readily let up . part of director david finchers accomplishment is in style . he seems to have a knack for knowing exactly how the average person fears something as " simple " as a corpse . and visually , fincher shows us the remains of murder victims in all-too-realistic and graphic terms ( courtesy of rob bottin's always-grisly special effects ) . throw in the appropriate but not-to-be-underestimated effects of lighting and a foreboding score and the result is a technical masterpiece of the murder scene . these scenes alone are quite impressive ; as fascinating as they are harrowing . yet , seven is more than just a technical accomplishment . in addition to style , fincher supplies substance . seven has compelling characters that it wants us to know and understand , and fincher ties them all together in a completely pessimistic view of society . detective william somerset ( morgan freeman ) is a man who has nearly given up on the world . its easy to see why . the world doesn't make sense . ( somerset drives this point home with a rather ghastly story of a robbery victim who was attacked just blocks from the police precinct . after knocked down and robbed of his wallet , the attacker stabbed the helpless man in both eyes . ) why should somerset believe that by following this murder investigation and " picking up the pieces " he will be able to catch the killer ? somersets new partner , david mills ( brad pitt ) has not given up on the world , perhaps because he is still young ( and perhaps by having this optimism he's naive in this films portrayal of the world ) . he completely disagrees with somersets abandonment of hope . however , david's wife ( gwyneth paltrow ) has so much fear of her urban surroundings , she isn't even sure if she wants to * tell * her husband about her recent pregnancy , let alone carry it until birth and attempt to raise it in this environment . these three characters are all performed with skill and authenticity that makes them feel like real people and not the typical hollywood characters a lesser film might have offered . and in addition to making clear how each of these characters sees the world , fincher gives us support for * why * they feel the way they do . but if there's one character that underlines the message seven is trying to convey , it has to be the killer , john doe ( kevin spacey ) . seven's payoff lies in its ability to allow us to see how the killer views the world and what drives him to do what he does . one important thing to remember about doe is how easy it is to simply dismiss him as a " psycho , " with no motives behind his slayings . this is exactly the mistake mills makes . in the extremely intense and superbly performed closing scenes , were allowed to see that doe is , in his mind , merely a product of society . he's a killer who kills those who are bringing society down . in his mind he didn't kill " innocent " people , and , perhaps , they were not completely innocent ( but , then again , who is ? ) . hes absolutely infuriated that mills believes that the murder victims were innocent . really , seven doesn't just comment on the superficial obviousness of how screwed-up john doe is . seven makes larger statements about how screwed-up society is , hinting that society's degradation is simply conducive of creating more john does . besides the stylistic and larger-issue arguments for seeing this film , i recommend seven because it is , after all , also a very slick and well-made thriller . it features exciting plot developments , commanding performances , lots of suspense , and a conclusion that is chilling , riveting , and quite unfair . but then again , its a cruel world .

" with all that education , you should know what happiness is . " starring sylvia chang , teresa hu , hsu ming , li lieh , mao hsueh-wei ; directed by edward yang ; written by yang and wu nien-chen ; cinematography by christopher doyle and chang hui-kung every country has , eventually , its new wave . france had its nouvelle vague , brazil its cinema novo , china its fifth generation , and on and on . some waves just take longer than others , before they wash over us , cleansing us with the balm of discovery . taiwan's new wave came in the 1980s , in the work of directors like hou hsiao-hsien , wan jen , and edward yang ; that day , on the beach--yang's first feature--is central . it created a new language for young taiwanese directors , even if the first attempts to speak that language were hesitant and faltering . later works refined the techniques that yang first explored here , giving taiwan a distinctive international presence . that day itself is long and frustrating , the document of a nation's attempt to find a voice . it does not lack ambition . it anatomizes urban life in modern taiwan , in the manner of antonioni , elaborating the alienation that the westernized white-collar middle-class feel as their lives are shaped by old-fashioned roles--dedicated career men , loyal housewives--that they find unfulfilling . jia-li ( sylvia chang ) is the focus , but the film brings others into its compass--her husband , her brother , friends from her college days--as it charts her discontents . no one is happy . jia-li married her husband , we-lei , at a young age . at the time , her brother had been urged into an arranged marriage , despite his affection for another woman , and so jia-li's marriage seemed , in comparison , a good one : she chose we-lei of her own free will , they loved each other . but it goes wrong . that day dutifully presents all the clich ? s : we-lei becomes absorbed in his career , indulges in an affair with a co-worker ; jia-li feels restless and trapped , bound by a choice she made while young , but which no longer seems wise . the film never redeems these clich ? s by conveying the feel of authentic experience , the intensity of lived pain , and much of it seems trite and belaboured . it unfolds , awkwardly , as a series of flashbacks , told during a luncheon in vienna , where jia-li meets her brother's old flame ( teresa hu ) , now a concert pianist , whom she has not seen since college . both women seem rather sad , and resigned to their sadness . their circumstances ( and those of jia-li's brother and a college friend ) suggest not so much that they have made the wrong choices--married the wrong man , chosen the wrong career path , etc . --but rather that the choices available to them were inadequate . it is not that jia-li married the wrong man ; she didn't . the problem is that she needed to marry at all--and that if she did not marry , she would still be just as unhappy . for a woman in modern taiwan , that day tells us , the cards are stacked , the dice are loaded : she can play the game , but the house always wins . the film's sympathetic feminist implications are presumably the reason it caused such controversy upon its release in taiwan . seen now , it does not seem provocative . indeed , it's hard to imagine anyone having felt passionate enough about the film to generate any controversy : it may be ambitious , it may be innovative , but it is also terribly , terribly dull . and what was new for taiwan was not necessarily new for the rest of us : yang adopts methods established years before by antonioni and others , and his use of those methods is fumbling , uncertain , undisciplined . nor does he bring anything new--other than the locale--to the material . there are moments when that day takes on some of the emotional richness it strives for--in a young couple's first kiss , in the awkward meeting of a woman and her husband's mistress--but they are brief . too often , yang devotes needless time to mundane scenes--grocery shopping , flower-arranging--in which nothing happens , little is said , no emotion imparted . perhaps , if the film were content to focus on such reflective , inward moments , leaving us to guess at thoughts and feelings , it might have been ambiguous , suggestive , insinuating . but jia-li and her disaffected companions do not only brood in silence : they talk about their problems , at length , in detail , redundantly , and eliminate all subtleties . at two hours and forty-five minutes , it all seems exorbitantly long , indulgently long-winded . consider the defining moment for jia-li , the titular day on the beach . the thrust of the whole film explains , easily enough , what we are to think of that moment , what it means when she walks away from a particular situation . even so , the film has not one but two characters explain it for us verbally , in case we may have missed the point . needless time is devoted to expressing what should have remained unexpressed , and that is the problem throughout . the look of the film is as tedious as the drawn-out narrative . it was the first feature shot by christopher doyle--at least , it's his name in the credits--who is now rightly regarded as one of the world's leading cinematographers . in the freewheeling expressionism of his work with directors like chen kaige and wong kar-wai , he seems incapable of fashioning a boring image . you would never know it from watching that day , which , due either to doyle's inexperience or yang's humdrum direction , is almost perverse in its insistence on making the physical environment seem as drab and banal as possible . in scrutinizing the long decay of a marriage , that day manages to capture the ennui of the experience , but none of the damage , none of the heartbreak .

capsule : a rock and roll fable , indeed . like a hubert selby , jr . novel filtered through equal parts damon runyan and bruce springsteen , and a ton of fun . streets of fire bills itself as " a rock and roll fable " , and the description is perfect . this is a stylish , great-looking , and breezily enjoyable movie that feels like a hubert selby , jr . , novel with a damon runyan rewrite , irected by bruce springsteen . noir is one of the few truly american movie genres , aside from the hollywood musical and the western . this is post-wwii brooklyn noir , for lack of a better label , with a generous injection of rock 'n roll and an all-around confrontational attitude . it all works . the plot is simplicity itself : rocker ellen aim ( diane lane ) is kidnapped by a vicious street gang , led by a bloodthirsty fellow named raven ( willem dafoe , very nasty ) . her old soldier flame ( played by michael pare ) comes back into town to save her , but doesn't count on a whole bunch of things going askew . that's about the entire plot , save for the spats with ellen's manager ( a hilarious rick moranis ) , an encounter with a doo-wop group that winds up becoming ellen's supporting act , and a whole gang of other fun little touches . but in movies like this , when is the plot important ? the movie is all style , all visuals and attitudes , quotable lines and posturing -- and it delivers all those things consistently and with great brio and pacing . no surprise that it was directed by walter hill ( 48 hrs . ) , who understands this kind of macho romanticism perfectly , and has put together a movie that's a mixture of times and sensibilities , but perfectly unified in tone . when was the last time you could say something like that about a movie , especially a movie where it seems like someone gets decked on the jaw ( * and * passes out ) every 2 . 63 minutes on cue ? streets of fire isn't the greatest movie ever made , but it occupies a totally unique little niche , and enjoys the position it has . anyone with a weakness for doo-wop , neon , motorcycles , rainy streets , the el , studebakers , gang pictures , lonely heroes , and a great-looking gal giving the microphone both lungs will eat this movie up . i did .

this has been an extraordinary year for australian films . " shine " has just scooped the pool at the australian film institute awards , picking up best film , best actor , best director etc . to that we can add the gritty " life " ( the anguish , courage and friendship of a group of male prisoners in the hiv-positive section of a jail ) and " love and other catastrophes " ( a low budget gem about straight and gay love on and near a university campus ) . i can't recall a year in which such a rich and varied celluloid library was unleashed from australia . " shine " was one bookend . stand by for the other one : " dead heart " . >from the opening credits the theme of division is established . the cast credits have clear and distinct lines separating their first and last names . bryan | brown . in a desert settlement , hundreds of kilometres from the nearest town , there is an uneasy calm between the local aboriginals and the handful of white settlers who live nearby . the local police officer has the task of enforcing " white man's justice " to the aboriginals . these are people with a proud 40 , 000 year heritage behind them . naturally , this includes their own system of justice ; key to which is " payback " . an eye for an eye . revenge . usually extracted by the spearing through of the recipient's thigh . brown , as the officer , manages quite well to keep the balance . he admits that he has to 'bend the rules' a bit , including actively encouraging at least one brutal " payback " . ( be warned that this scene , near the start , is not for the squeamish ) . the local priest - an aboriginal , but in the " white fellas " church - has a foot on either side of the line . he is , figuratively and literally , in both camps . ernie dingo brings a great deal of understanding to this role as the man in the middle . he is part churchman and part politician . however the tension , like the heat , flies and dust , is always there . whilst her husband - the local teacher - is in church , white lady kate ( milliken ) and her aborginal friend tony , ( pedersen ) have gone off into the hills . he takes her to a sacred site , even today strictly men-only . she appears to not know this . tony tells her that this is a special place , an initiation place . he then makes love to her , surrounded by ancient rock art . the community finds out about this sacrilegious act and it's payback time . the fuse is lit and the brittle inter-racial peace is shattered . everyone is affected in the fall out . to say more is to give away the details of this finely crafted film . suffice to say it's a rewarding experience . bryan brown , acting and co-producing , is the pivotal character . his officer is real , human and therefore flawed . brown comments that he expects audiences to feel warmth towards the man , then suddenly feel angry about him . it wasn't long ago that i visited central australia - ayers rock ( uluru ) and alice springs - for the first time . the wide-screen cinematography shows the dead heart of australia in a way that captures it's vicious beauty , but never deteriorates into a moving slide show , in which the gorgeous background dominates those pesky actors in the foreground . the cultural clash has provided the thesis for many a film ; from the western to the birdcage . at least three excellent australian films have covered the aboriginal people and the line between them and we anglo-saxon 'invaders' : " jedda " , " the chant of jimmie blacksmith " and " the last wave " . in a year when the race 'debate' has reared up in australia , it is nourishing to see such an intelligent , non-judgemental film as " dead heart " . the aboriginal priest best sums this up . he is asked to say if he is a " black fella or white fella " .

albert brooks saves the day , just in the nick of time . with a very poor summer for movies , brooks is just what audiences were looking for to cheer them up , and does so in a positive way . while this may not be his finest work , " the muse " still shakes up some delightful humor . in albert brook's latest comedy , he tells a story of a troubled screenwriter ( brooks ) who's losing his edge , as his business partners say . in desperation , he goes to see his friend jack ( jeff bridges ) , who has been a very successful screenwriter in the past . he asks jack for some help , and recieves word of a real life muse , that has helped him and many other directors throughout their career . so brooks seeks the muse named sarah ( sharon stone ) , and is suckered into buying her expensive , food etc . as a sort of payment . the real punch line however , doesn't come until the end . it really makes you wonder , how screenwriters really get their ideas , could it simply be from a friend or a bum in the street ? the idea itself is provoking and brooks does it in a hilarious manner . speaking of brooks , he was absolutely hysterical as a screenwriter . every time he graces the screen , i can't help but start laughing . albert has a very unique sense of humor that makes him a very likeable character . the real problem with the film lies with sharon stone . she wasn't likeable at all . brooks had the right idea with her occupation , but she never pulled through . in a way , she drained energy from the once funny atmosphere and left it bleak . luckily brooks could clean up the mess , and cover for stone's mishap . it was a shame that the film went slightly downhill after her appearance , because " the muse " had the potential to a be a very authentic comedy . on a brighter note , andie macdowell was also charming as brook's wife . she is always a nice addition as a supporting actress , because she has that charisma that seems to complete the atmosphere to any film she's in . the funniest moments in " the muse " in my opinion were the cameos by james cameron and martin scorsese . i mean imagine , brooks seeing these big named directors in his back yard seeking sharon stone for advice , like it was something out of the ordinary . it was just plain hilarious . it just adds to the satire joke , of how directors get ideas . brilliant move by brooks . as i mentioned before , the film is a satire much like it's proceeder bowfinger , which came out a few weeks before . unlike bowfinger , this is not a mean spirited film that's desperate for jokes , it's rather a witty and humorous look at hollywood . " bowfinger " had it's moments , but had quite a few problems that were never worked out , but " the muse " still managed to keep the laughs despite a bit of a detour . by the end of the film , you're glad to see a good hearty comedy come out of it . for once i'm not fully disappointed , because the film didn't slow down , it kept moving , even with some flaws . thumbs up to brooks for his brave effort . i think he'll still manage to keep his edge around well into the future .

there's good news and bad news about mulan . the positive is that disney has found a happy medium between the heavy-handedness of pocahontas and the hunchback of notre dame and the childishness of hercules . on the other hand , the studio is pulling out all the stops on plot cliches and cheap laughs , several steps down from the days of the little mermaid and beauty and the beast . but mulan is a step in the right direction and disney's best animated feature since the lion king . after giving native americans a turn in pocahontas , disney has decided to turn a movie over to the asians . mulan is set in feudal china and features the ever-popular heroine who marches to a different drum and wants to do more with her life than get married . that's what we find out when young mulan ( voice of ming- na wen ) screws up her appointment with the matchmaker by letting a rogue cricket splash coffee all over her . cartoons . . . meanwhile , word comes from the emporer that one man from every family must join the army and help fight the huns . since mulan's a girl , that means her decrepit old father must go . she pleads with the soldiers to have mercy on dear old dad , but that kind of groveling and desperation brings shame on her family . that's chinese culture for you . . . so imagine how embarrassed the family is the next day when they find mulan has stolen her father's uniform and sword and run off to join the army in his place . the movie in a nutshell is about the stuggles of being a woman in the army . it should have been called g . i . chang . mulan calls on her ancestors for help . they decide to summon the large stone dragon in the backyard to protect her , but a mini dragon named mushu screws it up . voiced by eddie murphy , mushu continues the tradition of cute talking animal sidekicks who do more slapstick harm than good for their human charges . murphy's performance is a direct descendent of robin williams in aladdin -- lots of wisecracks and ad-libs and even an introductory song about how much fun they're going to have . you ain't never had a friend like mushu . speaking of songs , mulan doesn't have too many of them , which is a plus with a story like this . disney songs about war probably wouldn't go over too well ( " heigh ho , heigh ho , it's off to war i go . . . " ) , and the ones they do have aren't memorable . the best of the bunch , sad to say , is " be a man , " the requisite basic training montage song . yes , even in medieval china , they had to run through that web of car tires before they were ready for battle . sung by donnie osmond ( a bad sign if ever there was one ) , " be a man " accompanies footage of mulan's platoon going from screw-ups to heroes . it makes me wonder , has there ever been a musical montage in a movie that's ended badly ? i only wish real-life problems could be solved in two minutes with a peppy montage . for the curious , mulan does pass for a man in the army despite looking like a girl . all she does to transform herself is cut her hair to a sexy shoulder-length , talk macho and slap guys on the butt , as was male custom a thousand years ago in china . the deception fools everyone but the audience , who thinks she might be able to pass for a 12-year-old boy , at best . but she does manage to strike the biggest blows to the hun army , led by a big , evil-eyed attilla-looking monster . as a villain , the head of the huns is menacing , evil and entirely forgettable . i saw the movie yesterday and i don't remember the man's name . otherwise , mulan is a good movie . the animation of the characters themselves isn't as rich as it could and should be , but there are some amazing battlefield shots . eddie murphy pulls off some good one-liners , as do other star voices like harvey fierstein and pat morita , the quintessential asian movie star . hell , george " mr . sulu " takei does a voice in mulan . you get the sense disney said to themselves , " alright , let's get out there and find us some chinese americans in hollywood . who can you think of ? " " well , there's mr . myagi . . . " " good . " " and mr . sulu . " " perfect . we've got ourselves a movie now . " soon disney really _will_ be able to paint with all the colors of the wind .

have you ever wondered if death is something that simply happens naturally , at any given moment , in life ? or if it is an occurrence that is predetermined by some much larger force within the world , or outside of it ? these thought-provoking questions are the subject of " final destination , " which is the most riveting horror-drama since 1999's " the sixth sense . " stylishly filmed and tautly directed by " x-files " alum james wong , the film deals with several fairly heavy topics that are discussed truthfully by teenage characters ( in accurately written " teen-speak , " rather than overwrought , highly intellectualized dialogue that even harvard scholars wouldn't use ) , all the while developing into a darkly foreboding , severely eerie thriller that successfully leaves you uneasy from the horrifyingly real opening twenty minutes to the less-successful , but still suspenseful epilogue . at the start of the film , 17-year-old high school senior alex browning ( devon sawa ) is about to leave with his 40-student french class for a field trip to paris . progressively getting a case of preflight jitters , he spots several mysterious " coincidences , " including the departure time being 9 : 25 , the same as his september 25 birthday , as well as hearing the john denver song " rocky mountain high " over the sound system in the airport bathroom . " john denver died in a plane crash , " alex grudgingly mutters to himself . once seated , alex suddenly gets a horrific premonition about the plane exploding upon takeoff , and after causing a ruckus onboard , he , as well as six other students and a teacher , are thrown off . arguing in the airport lobby , alex's suspicion comes true when the plane really does explode in flight , killing all 300+ passengers , including the rest of their classmates . as two investigators interrogate alex about how he knew the plane was going to explode , the fellow survivors , whom he has saved , treat him in varying manners . carter ( kerr smith ) , the hotshot jock , holds him in contempt because he believes that it is only he himself who can decide his fate . alex's best friend , tod ( chad e . donella ) , wants to stand by him but can't because of his fearful parents . the teacher , mrs . lewton ( kristen cloke ) , is frightened by him , believing that it was he who somehow caused the disaster , as well as in a state of guilt for giving up her seat on the plane to a fellow coworker . only outsider clear rivers ( ali larter ) , who unboarded the plane due to a sudden connection to alex's premonition even though she had never even spoken to him before , is sympathetic and thankful to him for saving her life . that is only the setup of " final destination , " and the less said about what follows , the better . suffice to say , the film does , indeed , turn into a slasher film , albeit one that is more thoughtful than most , and replaces a knife-wielding maniac for the never-seen granddaddy killer of them all , the grim reaper itself . the setpieces in any horror movie are the death scenes , and " final destination " surely boosts some of the most inventive ones to grace the silver screen in years . graphic and brilliantly orchestrated in a rube goldbergesque manner , they manage to occasionally be so intense you don't know whether to shrink down in your seat , tap your feet in nervousness , or turn away . devon sawa , a rising star who put his physical comedy skills to good use in 1999's underseen slasher-comedy , " idle hands , " is even more of a charismatic presence here . the conflicting emotions he feels for his survival , which he comes to believe he wasn't meant to do , as well as the loss of the other passengers , is superbly and subtly acted on his part . one scene , in which he is watching a news report on the crash and slowly begins to break down is especially realistic and powerful . ali larter ( 1999's " varsity blues " ) , in the other central role , is also effective , as a girl whose life was going well until her father died in a convenience store shooting years before , leaving her stuck with an increasingly uncaring mother who married a loutish man--the exact opposite of her now-deceased father . the other roles are not as fully written , and most remain rather one-dimensional . the movie is mainly sawa's , however , and the rest of the actors equip themselves well in limited roles . tony todd ( 1992's " candyman " ) , as an arcane morgue attendant , pops up for a five-minute cameo , but his appearance is rather supererogatory . and the aforementioned dialogue occasionally hits the bullseye , while at other times it hovers over being just a little too stilted and campy . ultimately , what is so good about " final destination " is that , within the confines of the slasher genre , writer-director wong and screenwriters glen morgan and jeffrey reddick have created a premise that has never been seen before in this manner , and a film that has the ability to both surprise and frighten--two things that are rarely found in today's horror films . if anything , it's safe to say you will never ever look at flying in airplanes the same way again .

even the best comic actor is at the mercy of his or her material , as this subpar submarine comedy proves . down periscope stars kelsey " frasier " grammer as an inept navy captain who is given command of his own ship as part of a corrupt officer's ( james coburn ) plan to get him out of the navy . like any lame emsemble comedy , the officer assigns him to a group of misfits like the guy who wants to be kicked out , the fat guy who eats all the time , the beautiful woman who doesn't belong there ( lauren holly ) , the second-in-command who does everything by the book ( rob schneider ) , the crazy old guy who freaks everyone out ( harry dean stanton ) and so on . then comes the transparent plotline . first grammer has to fix up the delapidated korean war ship the navy has given him , and that comes courtesy a sad sight gag montage that includes a guy with a mop knocking schneider overboard . after the ship is fixed up come the early drills , where everyone seems completely inept , like the electrician who can't connect wires so instead lets the current run through himself every time grammer gets on the phone . finally , and this covers the final hour of the movie , grammer has to lead his men ( and holly ) to overcome the other ships in a wargames exercise . and he has to be a clever rebel to do it , in scenes that stretch all levels of believability . first they're singing " louie louie " like a bunch of drunk sailors to throw the radar of the other ship off , then thirty minutes later , they're making whale mating noises to throw the radar of the other ship off . the whole while , evil captain coburn is overacting underwater , cursing grammer ( as most people watching the movie probably are too ) . it's all predictable without any original humor to redeem it . the jokes are right out of " mchale's navy " and other cut-rate sitcoms of the past . there's one scene where schneider looks through the ship's pantry in disgust , holds one food can up and announces , " this expired in 1966 ! " i yelled back at the screen , " so did these jokes . " i watched this movie with the whole family and everyone hated it . my mom was so bored she brought out the coupon book midway through and , around the start of the second hour , i started writing my will . the blame can't really be placed on the stars , though . kelsey grammer is good in this , he just doesn't have anything to work with . his character is said to have gotten so drunk one night that he had " welcome aboard " tatooed on his penis . grammer probably did something even worse -- got really drunk and agreed to appear in a movie he knew nothing about . same for holley ( save the penis part ) , who is likeable in down periscope just because she's so gorgeous . as for schneider ( whose character is downright annoying ) , there was nowhere to go but up after surf ninjas , although he's still in the depths of the comedy ocean after jumping the " snl " ship . my theory is that down periscope is one of those movies that got the green light before the script was even written as a formula comedy ( " okay , it's police academy in the navy with frasier at the helm and the chick from dumb and dumber . " ) and after everyone was signed on turned into a disaster . judging from the video box , most other movie critics agree with me . the only quote the down periscope copy writers could dig up came from the prevue channel's jim ferguson . i guess even jeff craig from " 60 second preview " ( who said tank girl " kicks butt ! " without ever seeing it ) didn't like this .

one of the most respected names in american independent filmmaking is john sayles . he has built a strong reputation with films like matewan and the secret of roan inish , and one of his best was his last film , lone star . after sayles gave us this complex and unconventional look at ethnic tensions on the us-mexico border , expectation ran high for his next film . unfortunately , his men with guns is not the film anyone was hoping for . we are essentially told in the first reel where the film is going to go and what it is going to do . then the film does exactly what it promised , a painful as that is . the plot of men with guns can be summarized " in a central or south american country things are really bad for everybody in the mountains where the army clashes with the guerrillas . dr . fuentes did not believe how bad things were so he went . and he found out again and again and again . " of course it is perfectly true that in many places in that region armed conflicts have turned life into a living hell . a guerrilla war is always bad for civilians . but the film talks down to the viewer . dr . fuentes ( played by federico luppi ) teaches medicine in the capital city of his country . he has , as a great humanitarian gesture , trained and inspired some of his best students to go into the mountains and make the world a little better for the poor indios . fuentes believe the students to be up there doing humanitarian service . then he discovers one of his best students has instead returned to the city and runs a squalid private pharmacy . in shame and disappointment fuentes asks the student what has happened to the others . the student tells him the others are still in the mountains , but suggests that it may not be a good place to be . fuentes goes off to find and visit the doctors , ignoring the advice of his family and a patient who happens to be an army general . the results are little different than one would expect . dr . fuentes starts out incredibly naive . even some american tourists , present in the film mostly for comic relief , seem to know better than dr . fuentes that things have gotten pretty bad in the mountains . but fuentes has to go from one scene of barbarity to another and discover how wrong he was . sayles certainly could have used 126 minute of screen time to tell us something more profound than that nasty things are happening down there and most of the worst happens to the unarmed civilians . the cast is mostly unknowns to american audiences . federico luppi is the good mexican actor who played the antique dealer torn by mysterious forces in cronos . damian delgado makes a late appearance as an army deserter . mandy patinkin has a small role made to look bigger in the trailer .

midway through " anaconda " , documentary filmmaker terri flores ( jennifer lopez ) turns to a co-worker and says " i thought this movie would be my first big break . instead , it's turned into a disaster . " truer words have never been spoken . " anaconda " is a monster movie with a lousy monster . it's a suspense film that is utterly predictable . it's a mess the film does manage to drum up some scares , but only in the most elementary way , like a jack-in-the-box . as you turn the crank , you're totally aware that the damn clown is going to pop up , but somehow it's still mildly startling when it happens . the main difference between the giant snake in " anaconda " and the clown in a jack-in-the-box is that the clown is more realistic . " anaconda " boasts some of the worst special effects to appear onscreen in years . animatronic shots of the snake look as phony as any of those cringe- inducing robots you've endured at disney world . but it's the computer animated scenes that truly expand the meaning of the word lame . in one shot , a character tries to flee from the monster by diving from a tree near a waterfall , but the giant snake springs out and loops around its hapless victim in mid air . the scene , if done well , would have been a jaw- dropper . here , the horribly bad digital effects look less convincing than a saturday morning cartoon . what's really amazing is that the filmmaker's were so proud of this dreadful shot that they actually included it in the promotional trailers for the movie . but enough about the phony snakes . now it's time to talk about the lousy story . heroic and very pale anthropologist eric stoltz leads a documentary film crew down a brazilian river in search of the shirishama indians , a legendary tribe that supposedly lives in the boondocks of the rain forest . stoltz tells his crew " pray that you didn't forget your bug spray . " apparently the female crew members bathed in the stuff , because they spend most of the film wearing skimpy tops and short shorts with no ill effect . along the way , the group rescues a whacked-out lapsed priest ( jon voight ) who claims to know how to find the shirishama . within minutes , they throw away all their plans and follow voight down a tributary into the land of creepiness . from that point on , the film is a hodgepodge of scenes and shots ripped off from " jaws " and " dead calm . " one of the oddest structural points of the film is the handling of eric stoltz . early in the story , his character gets knocked into a coma by a river insect and spends virtually the rest of the movie unconscious . so why did they hire an actor of the caliber of stoltz for what amounts to a cameo appearance ? also , why did stoltz , who generally selects his roles with great care , agree to appear in this crap ? ah , the mysteries of hollywood . the remaining crew members are basically just snake food waiting to happen . jonathan hyde is mildly diverting as a pompous englishman hired to narrate the documentary , but lopez and ice cube manage to rise above their cardboard characters . lopez , who starred in " selena , " is an enormously appealing performer , possessing a vibrancy that makes even the most trite lines seem credible . ice cube has a special charisma ; an ability to look like a macho adult and a frightened boy simultaneously . there's also a special twinkle in his eyes , as if he's gently mocking his own tough-guy posturing . but the movie really centers around the outrageously hammy performance of jon voight . obsessed with capturing one of the giant anacondas , voight plays the villain in thick accent , with a series of leers and hisses , spouting the kind of dialogue usually heard only in episodes of " jonny quest . " at one point , he looms over the crew and says " the anaconda is the perfect killing machine . it strikes , wraps around you , holds you tighter than your true love . and you get the privilege of hearing your bones break before the power of its embrace causes your veins to explode . " that moment is so high-camp that it almost made the film tolerable . almost . fans of the horror genre may be tempted to check out " anaconda . " don't . there are a lots of horror films scheduled for release this summer , including another " alien " sequel . wait for them , rent " jaws " in the meantime , and don't throw away your money and time on drivel like this .

susan granger's review of " legally blonde " ( m . g . m . ) it's a " pretty in pink " / " clueless " coming-of-age story for the new millennium as elle woods ( reese witherspoon ) , a perky southern california sorority queen , switches from fashion to law in order to win back her yuppy boyfriend ( matthew davis ) . the girl-power story begins as this sweetheart of delta nu is unceremoniously dumped by a bonehead who says : " if i'm going to be a senator by the time i'm 30 . . . i need to marry a jackie , not a marilyn . " determined to prove she's as smart a snobby brunette ( selma blair ) from country-club connecticut , elle not only applies to harvard law school but gets in , much to the amazement of family , friends and faculty . once there , this flaxen-haired fish-out-of-water not only survives but tenaciously thrives , befriending a local manicurist ( jennifer coolidge ) , dazzling a professor ( victor garber ) and rescuing a defendant ( ali larter ) in a celebrated boston murder trial , plus finding a more worthy beau ( luke wilson ) . in the tradition of teen-comedy film-maker john hughes and his disciple amy heckerling , there's wit , cheerfulness , a fidelity of observation and a penchant for problem-solving . first-time feature director robert luketic is blessed with reese witherspoon who's joyously incandescent in this utterly formulaic light comedy written by karen mccullah lutz and kirsten smith , based on a soon-to-be-published novel by amanda brown . the supporting cast is terrific , particularly raquel welch and holland taylor - and i particularly got a kick out of the gag of elle distributing scented resumes in pink , her signature color on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10 , " legally blonde " is a frivolous , funny , feel-good 8 . filled with ditzy blonde ambition , it's a movie for high-school kids that their parents would be happy to have them see .

logical time travel movies are a near-impossibility . considering that the skeptic's best argument against the possibility of time travel is the idea of altered realities , writing a script that deals with this problem is an imposing task . occasionally , we get a film that does manage it . terry gilliam's " 12 monkeys " was one such film . but more frequently , we get films that don't much deal with it at all . there is one question to ask in this case : does the film have other virtues that override the existing logical inconsistencies ? the " terminator " films made up for them with exciting action , " back to the future " did it with an entertaining story , and the new film " frequency " pulls off the trick with a strong package of its own . is " frequency " filled with plot holes ? yes . does it matter ? not really . the film opens in october of 1969 . firefighter frank sullivan ( dennis quaid ) puts his life on the line every time he suits up for his job , then goes home to his loving wife julia ( elizabeth mitchell ) and son johnny ( daniel henson ) . the double-pronged story flashes forward to 1999 , where johnny ( now jim caviezel ) is all grown up and working as a police detective . a strange occurrence -- the appearance of aurora borealis over new york city -- allows father and son to communicate through the same ham radio frank used in '69 and that john has found in the present day . though both are initially skeptical of the idea , john eventually takes this opportunity to warn his father against his impending death in a warehouse fire , and he succeeds in saving frank from certain doom . now flooded with memories of a full life with his father alive , john is initially overjoyed , until he discovers that the changes to the timeline have been disastrous : a serial killer that would have died has instead lived to kill seven more women . frank and john now must work together to set things right , with john using the information he has gathered in the future to instruct frank on what to do in the past . the premise of " frequency " is unusual , and requires getting over one very important mental hurdle to fully accept : john and frank are the only ones conscious of how the timeline has been changed as a result of their actions . this isn't explained ; you just have to go with it . when frank doesn't die in a fire , john is the only one who remembers it differently , while everyone else remembers it the new way . the concept also runs into problems concerning just how synchronous the two realities -- 1969 and 1999 -- are to each other . sometimes frank's changing the past results in something happening right away in john's world , and sometimes john gets the changes ahead of time . now , the filmmakers might have perfectly good explanations for this , and i could probably come up with something fairly convoluted ( but nevertheless logical ) if i thought about it hard enough ( for example , the reason john gets advance information of the serial killer's murders was because the change had already happened in frank's world , and john is only witnessing the * projection * of that change ) , but explanations aren't really the point . when " frequency " gets cooking , it's a riveting little thriller , even if it is confusing . what matters to a film like this is if the plot makes sense in the moment , and " frequency " works as long as it keeps moving . the film manages to be engaging despite the logical confusion . director gregory hoblit and screenwriter toby emmerich structure " frequency " as good hollywood entertainment , establishing decent , likable characters , making us care for them , and setting up a goal to be reached and a conflict to be resolved . i liked many of the creative touches : the split screens , allowing us to see how the universe is being affected in both realities , and the greater framework of baseball to drive the action forward . it actually uses the 1969 mets-orioles world series ( the one that featured the amazin' mets ) to great effect -- frank uses john's advance knowledge of the series outcome to convince his friends to believe him . ( admittedly , this device may only be of interest to a baseball fan like myself . ) i even liked the final scene , which features frank and john both fighting the same man simultaneously in different time periods . some may find this scene blindingly confusing , as the reality shifts start coming fast and furious , but it does make sense if you think about it ( and give the script a lot of leeway ) , and let's face it : it's a darn cool way to end the film . there are enough surprises and plot twists in " frequency " to keep you on your toes , and as a result the movie avoids growing stagnant . the other major thing to appreciate about " frequency " is the handling of the father-son relationship . quaid and caviezel carry off their parts easily ; it's a rock-solid job from both actors . the relationship is instantly credible because they find the human truth behind the high concept : how would one react to being able to communicate with a dead relative , or with a future descendant ? watching the exchanges between frank and john will give you a pretty good idea of how to answer that question . the credibility of the human relationship is absolutely crucial to the rest of the film ; if we don't believe in the characters , we don't care about the outcome of the thriller plot . here , we do care , because we like the lead actors . i also liked some of the supporting cast members . elizabeth mitchell gets stuck with two thankless roles , playing julia the doting wife * and * mother , but still performs admirably . andre braugher , late of the television show " homicide : life on the street , " gives a nice supporting turn as frank's best friend and future colleague of john . he has a lovely scene in a diner in which he tries to explain the situation to julia while frank's world series predictions come true before his very eyes . braugher strikes the perfect facial expression here , simultaneously dismayed and amused . perhaps the only thing i didn't like about " frequency " is the overly sentimental coda , during which the camera's focus goes a little too soft and the baseball theme gets carried overboard . but that's only because the film had already earned a poignancy without resorting to cheap tactics . i freely acknowledge that " frequency " may best work as a " guy " movie , since it focuses on the very male-oriented idea of father-son relationships ( echoes of " field of dreams " can be easily heard ) , but the underlying concept is universally applicable . who wouldn't want to speak with a long-dead parent ? or see how their children turn out ? " tell me about your life , son " -- excuse me while i mist up . and don't call me a sissy .

director david fincher has such an eye for detail which is very rare in hollywood these days ( terry gilliam comes to mind as another one ) . film is one of the best art forms because not only can you tell a story , but you can use the camera to capture the smallest detail and have it mean something . but most directors seem to go for action with the slightest ounce of a story . so whenever a director uses the camera to its fullest potential , the film almost automatically deserves a good review . and when they add a fascinating story to it , you have nearly perfect entertainment . fincher's the game is no exception to this . the game is one of the most interesting and complex films to come out of hollywood in a long time . fincher hasn't made a film since " seven , " his box office and critical hit which defied expectations and became one of the best movies ever . so it is about time he made another film . and what a ride it is . the game isn't quite as powerful as " seven , " but in some ways it is better . overall , the game could have used a little more clarity , or a little more uncertainty . it walks a line of insanity and reality , but it never goes either way until the very end . the outcome is satisfying enough for the preceding events , and it makes a lot of sense once everything is set straight . unfortunately , unlike " the usual suspects , " we are never given enough information to figure out for ourselves what is happening , whether it be true or false . however , this also gives the film a frightening aspect which the game uses to the fullest extent . the game is told completely from its main character's point of view . nicholas van orton ( michael douglas ) is a high-strung and isolated businessman . he lives alone in his giant mansion , divorced from his wife elizabeth , and is celebrating his 48th birthday ; the same age at which his father committed suicide at , in the same mansion . for his 48th birthday , conrad ( sean penn ) , the rebel of the family , gives nicholas a gift certificate to crs : consumer recreation services . " it will make your life fun again , " his brother promises . as skeptical as nicholas is , he is somewhat intrigued , and annoyed by the lack of information--something this businessman hates . seeing a billboard in an office , he decides to visit the mysterious company . jim feingold ( james rebhorn ) greets nicholas and guides him through the sign-up process , which consists of psych-tests , physicals , emotional responses , and other mind games . " each game is suited to each person's emotional and psychological needs , " explains feingold . one day , nicholas gets a call from crs and they explain that he failed the tests . even more intrigued and now somewhat angered at the time he spent signing up , he starts asking around to see what people can tell him about the company . what he doesn't realize is that the game has already begun . the phone call is just the first of many strange events to be thrown nicholas' way . how he finds out that he is involved has to be witnessed because it is amusing and fun and visually impressive . the detail involved in fincher's shots is incredible and almost requires a second viewing just to appreciate the effort that went into them . with " seven , " fincher had almost every single shot mean something . he also has the unique ability to make you look at exactly what he wants you to . compared to " seven , " though , the game is light and comical . because of this film's sense of humor and self-awareness , nothing can be taken quite seriously . so don't try to make much sense of what goes on in the game , because it doesn't want you to . what does make sense is the final revelation--when everything becomes apparent and clear . if taken as it is , the game's ending makes complete sense . but if you try and critique every minute detail , then you get yourself into plot holes and incredibility . perhaps that is the reason i docked the film . while trying to remain realistic and plausible , the plot is too unbelievable to create any real tension on screen . we don't really care if douglas' character lives or not because it isn't believable . the ending requires you to have believed anything that has happened previously , but if you suspend disbelief and take the film as it is , you can accept the game as an emotionally and psycholically disturbing thriller . michael douglas gives a terrific performance as nicholas . douglas has played lonely businessmen before , but here he adds another level to his performance . his character , who is normally level-headed and relies on facts , is forced to trust nobody . can he believe the waitress he bumped into ? what about his brother who got him involved in the game in the first place ? douglas portrays this aspect of his character extremely well , and gives one of his best performances ( even better than his " falling down " persona ) . the supporting cast is essential in this film , and casting was critical . sean penn is always good , and he gives yet another credible performance as douglas' brother . deborah kara unger ( from " crash " ) is the waitress he bumps into , and her performance is extremely good . in fact , she almost steals the film from douglas . james rebhorn portrays his character very well , and adds some confusion and desparation to douglas' predicament . another good performance comes from armin mueller-stahl ( from " shine " ) as the book editor . but considering that douglas is in every single scene of the game , he not only commands this cast , but makes this distant and lonely character come to colorful life . the game is rated r for language , violence , some gore , and some nudity and drugs . what is essential for this film to work is the writing . john brancato and michael ferris have woven a confusing and compelling screenplay with witty dialogue , and some very funny moments . this screenplay will probably get an oscar nomination for best original screenplay because it does almost exactly the same thing the usual suspects' did . however , the visuals of the game are enough to make the viewer enjoy the vexing plot . and if you can get yourself to believe everything occuring on the screen , you will be thoroughly entertained by one of this year's best films .

being the self-proclaimed professional film critic that i am , i am somewhat embarrassed to admit that i had not seen lawrence of arabia ( coming soon to dvd ) until only recently . after all , it's considered by just about everyone to be the masterpiece epic of director david lean , who also directed films such as bridge on the river kwai , and doctor zhivago . so one day , a friend of mine loaned me a copy of the video and i sat down and watched it . i was initially skeptical that something made almost 40 years ago would be able to keep my attention for the butt-numbing 3 1/2 hours of its duration . but now i fully understand why this has become the film that other epic films are judged against -- the winner of seven academy awards in 1963 for best picture , director , editing , cinematography , art direction , music , and sound . after watching the film again , i am convinced that it is simply one of the finest works of cinematic genius to ever illuminate the big screen . based on the autobiographical writing of british officer t . e . lawrence during world war i , lawrence of arabia depicts lawrence ( played by then-unknown actor peter o'toole ) as a lieutenant lacking any sort of military discipline whatsoever . bored with his assignment of coloring maps for the british army in a dimly lit headquarters building , lawrence jumps at the opportunity to be re-assigned as an observer for an arabian prince fighting against the turkish army . lawrence quickly sees just how caring and great these desert dwelling people can be and ends up rallying the various tribes together to fight the turks and help the british turn the tide of world war i . shot in panavision's famed super 70mm format , the film beautifully illustrates the definition of the word epic . it is absolutely breathtaking . using stunning cinematography , costuming , and direction , shot in the most uninhabitable location on the face of the earth , i can only imagine what it must have been like to sit in a theater in 1962 and watch this story unfold before my eyes . every shot is choreographed as a portrait -- a living tribute to a great land . david lean put his reputation on the line to get this film completed , and the fact that it was even greenlit in the first place says something about the ideology of the motion picture industry at the time , a far cry from its pathetic , uncreative existence today . after watching the film , the first thing that came to my mind was , " i've got to do a remake of this film ! " but then i thought about trying to pitch the idea to a modern-day movie executive : " okay , it's going to be almost four hours long and shot over three months on location in the sahara desert . we are going to need to blow up a full-size train because computer-generated effects probably wont do it justice . and we are not going to use any big stars , and won't have any female actors since there's no love story . " yes , my friends , the velvet curtain fell on the golden-era of hollywood a long time ago . but at least we still have the proof to show all would-be producers and directors out there just how good a film can be .

the reunion film is not an original idea in any way , shape , or form . it's been done throughout film history over and over again , and has become one of the many sub-genres , like the prep school sub-genre , the angst-filled teen sub-genre , and the slasher sub-genre . what makes " peter's friends " so remarkable is not how it doesn't follow the rules of this sub-genre , but how it follows it so well , and creates characters that i wouldn't mind hanging with . what are the rules of the reunion sub-genre ? well . . . . 1 . you need a group of friends , most of them married or at least dating , and sometimes even married or dating eachother . 2 . you need to have them brought back together over some sort of a crisis . 3 . they are not to have spoken together much since they split apart . 4 . the reunion has to come in intervals divisible by 10 . 5 . they all have to be slightly to highly neurotic . 6 . the reunion has to bring them together , seperate them with little crises , then bring them back together because , after all , they're friends . 7 . there has to be some sex or at least some making out either between the friends or with other people that are there or were invited . 8 . eightly , they're all unhappy or marginally so . 9 . there's some sort of sexual tension amongst some of them that's built up over the years . 10 . the friends are all wildly successful in the world of entertainment and the arts , sometimes internationally so . 11 . the film is filled with nostalgic radio hits from the time when they were friends , sometimes causing them to get together in dance/song . since it follows these rules so closely , it will probably be ( and has been ) coined off as just a " british 'big chill . ' " and in some ways it is . both follow the rules , as i said , and both feature lots of bitching , big confessionals , and broken relationships . but while " the big chill " was , at least to me , a tad too whiny and unsatisfying , " peter's friends " hits its mark , making this film funny , dramatic , and poignant . the friends of peter's were all in the same theatre group back in '82 , performig wildly outrageous british acts for people far too stuck up to enjoy them ( the opening scene has them all dancing in tux tops and tutus ) . after peter's ( stephen fry ) wealthy father ( richard briers , hardly on screen enough to register , but oh well ) dies , leaving a giant mansion to him , he has to decide whether or not to keep it . not sure what to do with it immeadiately , he decides to throw a giant reunion party , inviting back all his old chums . of course , all or most of his chums follow the tenth rule . andrew ( kenneth branagh , also directing here ) is an actor who's unhappily married to a tv star , carol ( co-writer rita rudner ) . maggie ( emma thompson ) is a successfuly publisher of self-help books , but looks like she needs them more than her customers , as she is lonely and unhappy . roger and mary ( hugh laurie and imelda staunton , who were also married in " sense and sensibility " ) are married , and are the most successful creators of jingles in the uk , but have suffered a tragedy as one of their newly born twins has recently died . and sarah ( alphonsia emmanuel ) is as promiscuous as ever , having a new boyfriend as of two weeks named brian ( tony slattery ) who's married and wants a divorce because of her , giving her doubts . as for peter , things seem okay . . . the film features lots of inner-friend jokes , and even some old theatre anecdotes ( which i at least find a lot of fun in , as i've done lots of theatre myself ) . and there are big confessions , brawls between the friends , and by the end , almost everyone is unhappy , even though some have resolved their problems long before the end ( which i kinda dug ) . the final twist would seem forced an anti-climactic , but for some reason , i felt the same way the rest of the friends did . maybe it's because the people in this film are so likable that i just wanted to join their clique . that's really what makes " peter's friends " so lovable : the way you just want to hang with a group of friends who can be so dysfuntional sometimes , but when someone's in crisis , can come together wonderfully for one another . it's when you have a giant crisis like this and people want to selflessly help you out instead of subtely pushing you away that makes you realize you have true friends , and these people are true friends . not to mention kenneth branagh is able to make the film seem nostalgic for the 80s ( a decade i grew up in , unfortunately ) without taking us outside of the 90s . there are some 80s classics and anti-classics like tears for fears " everybody wants to rule the world , " but unfortunately no stupid/fun 80s songs ( i think if i ever did an 80s reunion film , i'd put some crap go gos song on , or at least some good old " come on eileen " ) , but this is the british 80s we're talking about . oh well . but anyway , the direction is pretty good , although nothing amazing . branagh's forte is really making shakespeare fresh and magical , but at least he's very good with making a less ambiguous film like this . the writing is good from rita rudner and martin bregman , with lots of good one-liners , and even some really bad but good puns ( to mock the fact that andrew lives in l . a . , peter , while cutting some logs , asks him is he has wood in l . a . , and andrew says , " no , but we have hollywood " - punishment like that ) . the actors , as in most speaking movies , are better than their material , though , with some stand-out performances to the six friends , as well as the outsiders like slattery , rudner , and phyllida law as the old housekeeper of the peter's mansion . a little note should be made about hugh laurie's performance , as he looks like he took some massive doses of prozac before doing this - i mean , i've never seen him actually act this dramatically . " peter's friends " is a really enjoyable film which makes people like me pine for some sort of future reunion , although i don't know what kind i'll have ( like most people , i don't look forward to my high school reunion ) . because of the way these friends are still able to maintain the same amount of care they have for one another and after such a long period of seperation , i just look forward to the day when i can have friends like that .

i think that any competent member of the human race who's ever seen a movie--any movie--could probably predict just about every turn in the wedding singer . even though i try very hard to not predict films as i'm watching them ( especially not romantic comedies ) , the plot of this particular film just advanced before me seconds , and sometimes minutes , before i actually saw it happen on screen . but i don't care . not even a little . my reasons for this are simple : 1 ) adam sandler is great . 2 ) drew barrymore is great . 3 ) the movie is so funny . there are parts that left me gasping for air because i was laughing so hard . i haven't laughed this hard in a movie since austin powers . sandler plays robby hart , a wedding singer who once had dreams of being in a rock band and writing his own music . in the opening scenes , he seems like a happy-go-lucky wedding singer , at least partially enjoying his profession and doing a rather good job of talking down a really drunk individual ( steve buscemi ) who decides that his brother's wedding is a good place to tell the whole world that his life , up to that point , was utter pointlessness . a week later , at his own wedding , he is left standing at the altar by his ex-fianc ? e , linda ( angela featherstone ) . with his life in complete disarray , he meets julia ( barrymore ) , a waitress . she is engaged to glenn ( matthew glave ) , and is to marry him in about three months . julia and robby become good friends when she enlists him to help with the wedding plans . soon ( and predictably ) it becomes pretty clear that glenn is a jerk , and that robby and julia really love each other . oh sure , it's trite . and if anyone making this film expected us to , like , feel suspense or something while watching the wedding singer , then they truly underestimated their audience . what makes the story bearable , aside from the terrific costumes and 80s music , are the performances . barrymore is simply adorable here ( i've never seen her look so close to the way she did in et ) . not only is she pleasant to look at , but her acting job here really is a good one--and it doesn't hurt that the character is likable and adequately well-written . and the jerk , played in full-force by graves , is just as despicable as any villain in any romantic comedy i've ever seen . naturally , the true star here is sandler . i think the guy is flat-out hilarious . he can say something that just isn't funny , and his delivery makes me laugh . his comedic performance here equals that of happy gilmore , but in this film he goes much further and proves to me that he can , indeed , hold his own as a leading man in a romantic comedy . whereas his roles in his previous films kind of had sandler playing sandler , the wedding singer gives him a character that , for the first time , he actually has to fit into . as far as i'm concerned he succeeded , and this film is testimony that he does , in fact , have some range in his talents . and the movie is just so funny . perhaps the best moment is when he sings a song for julia that he claims is a little uneven because he began writing it while in a good mood and finished it after his fianc ? e abandoned him . this is the part that literally had me groping for a breath of air . and while the film , like all romantic comedies , takes a hiatus from laughs towards the end because the plot has to finish up , there are more than enough truly hilarious moments in the first hour that make up for any slumps in progress during the second half . my formal complaints for the wedding singer aren't very important . the film is predicable , but who cares ? the characters are extremely likable , the movie is ridiculously funny , and the experience is simply enjoyable . in addition to this , i can't imagine anyone seeing the preview and not wanting to see the film . in that order , i conclude that it is pointless for me to even have written this review . i just want everyone to know that i laughed . a lot .

the most common ( and in many cases the only ) complaint against francis ford coppola's 1972 masterpiece the godfather is glamorising of mafia , which is presented as an institution guided by ancient tradition and virtues like honour , loyalty and solidarity more suitable for some gentler , kinder ages . martin scorsese , another italoamerican moviemaker , confronted that perspective with his own , more down-to-earth vision of mafia in 1973 mean streets , movie that dealt with lower echelons of organised crime . unfortunately for scorsese , his film was unspectacular and too artsy to compete with coppola's influence on mafia portrayals in the movies . seventeen years later scorsese returned to mean streets of new york with another film that dealt with darker side of american organised crime . this film was goodfellas , epic black comedy which is today considered as one of the best and most influential films of 1990s . goodfellas owes some of its initial success and popularity to the fact that it was based on the true story , told in best-seller book wiseguy by nicholas pileggi ( who would co-write the screenplay for the film ) . the book , as well as the film , chronicled thirty years in the life of henry hill ( played by ray liotta ) , irish-italian criminal from new york . at the age of 13 he gets recruited in the criminal organisation of paulie cicero ( played by paul sorvino ) , local mob boss , and gradually climbs up the ladder starting with small errands . after couple of years , together with his best childhood friend tommy de vito ( played by joe pesci ) , he joins the crew of expert thieves led by jimmy conway ( played by robert de niro ) . three of them spend years as best friends and associates , gathering enormous wealth from their criminal enterprises that would culminate with one of the most spectacular robberies in american history . wealth , influence and privileges of men connected with mafia are enough for henry hill to seduce his future wife karen ( played by lorraine bracco ) , who would afterwards remain loyal to her husband despite infidelities , domestic abuse , arrests and would even be accomplice to his own private drug dealing business . but the perfect world of " wiseguys " gradually begins to fall apart - tommy's unpredictable outbursts of homicidal violence , jimmy's reluctance to share his part of the loot with partners and , finally , henry's own drug habit would lead to his downfall and make him question his loyalty to the friends . goodfellas is an excellent example of a film that represents work of a film genius in his full glory . scorsese managed to create a vision which is effective and complete despite being full of contradictions that would ripped the film apart in the hands of less talented filmmaker . world depicted in this film is both ordinary and fascinating . scorsese spares no effort to show us all the violence , hypocrisy and inherent paranoia of organised crime , yet it manages to make it both seductive and funny . after being exposed to two and half hours of the film and three decades of criminal history ( based on some notorious real life events ) , the audience understands why the characters chose such dangerous life paths , trading the superficial and short-lasting glamour and prosperity of a criminal to the dullness and poverty of honest citizens . scorsese also manages to break viewer's moralistic inhibitions by showing truly revolting material - scenes that depict personal tragedies , broken homes , human depravity , violence , bloodshed and murder - in all their uncompromising reality , but in a manner that would make it amusing and funny to the audience . with the use of ironic soundtrack , manipulative shots , character's dialogue or narrator's commentary , goodfellas represents the new standards of black humour that would became very popular few years later during tarantino era . even if we don't pay attention to skills with which potentially disturbing material becomes eye pleasing and entertaining , we should admit that scorsese displays his talents of truly original and creative filmmaker . first , we might notice unusual structure of the plot - relatively minor subplot is used as movie's ironic prologue . then , instead of single narrator , scorsese switches to the second character as narrator in the middle of the film only to switch back to the original shortly afterwards . this multiple points of views , both in terms of narration and various subjective shots , only lengthens the ironic distance towards characters and their situation . same ironic distance comes with extremely effective choice of soundtrack . nostalgia for good old times is illustrated with easy-listening 1950s pop songs , while depression , paranoia and bad times find their expression in more neurotic rock songs of late 1960s and 1970s . but the soundtrack is most effective when it is used as ironic comment - almost pastoral , easy listening tunes make strong and very ironic contrast to the scenes of violence and bloodshed . however , thing most associated with this film is couple of continuos shots that feature characters moving through large rooms and interacting with dozens if not hundreds of people . such scenes , although they require very great skill and patience during their shootings , became very popular among other directors in 1990s . fragmentary character of the screenplay , which doesn't have straight plot and instead bases film on series of loosely connected vignettes , gives another interesting opportunity for scorsese . he uses this structure of film to experiment , and most successful of such experiments is hilarious " a day in life " segment near the end of the film . another essential element of goodfellas is large but superb collection of great acting talents . the most respectable among them is robert de niro , but his character , who happen to be most quiet and business-like member of criminal trio , gets overshadowed by two of his friends and colleagues . joe pesci deserved his " oscar " for supporting role of homicidal psychopath tommy , and his lines , including ad-libs , probably represent the most memorable element of the film . ray liotta , although equally talented , perhaps doesn't look as the best choice for narrator and nominal hero of the film . liotta's henry hill looks somewhat too hollywoodised and glamorous among this bunch of low-level street thugs . liotta , on the other hand , improves general impression by very realistic and menacing portrayal of drug addiction . lorraine bracco is , on the other hand , very effective and believable as karen hill , wife who gradually descends into same moral cesspool as her husband . paul sorvino is also very effective as patriarch mafioso , and among the supporting cast most memorable is chuck low as pestering small-time gangster who unknowingly digs his own grave . as a combination of clever sociological study , black humour and innovative filmmaking goodfellas became something only the truly great films could do - work of art and excellent popular entertainment in the same time . because of this achievement , and also because of the great influence on future filmmakers , this cinematic gem deserves its rightful place among the best films of 1990s .

the last steve martin film i saw , the spanish prisoner , was a very different approach for the comic actor . as a millionaire leading a massive conspiracy in order to rob " a process " from a clueless businessman , martin's character did it all for money . in his most recent movie , bowfinger , martin plays yet another con man except this time he does it to succeed in the film industry . he wants to direct a successful picture that will force people to remember his name , that will make him more popular at the parties , and , most importantly , that will cause fed ex to deliver important business packages to his front door . playing the title role , martin is once again the good guy ; the one we cheer for to complete his low budget action movie . this con man is very likeable for some reason , even though he is doing the same exact thing as the malicious jimmy del from the spanish prisoner . maybe the message is that , in hollywood , to win over the trust and friendship of others , you have to be a little evil . bowfinger is a very clever comedy with great performances from its two stars . martin , who also wrote the screenplay , is perfect as a jerk with a conscience and eddie murphy does his best " peter sellers " in two different , but equally hilarious , roles ; one as a big time move star and the other as his nerdy , burger king employee brother . the story follows aging and failing director/producer bobby bowfinger as he makes one last attempt to become a respected member of his field by creating a b-action movie called chubby rain . in order to attract actors and crew members , bowfinger promises them that hot shot actor kit ramsey will star in the movie . the only problem is that kit refuses to be in it . but this won't stop the aggressive bowfinger . he is so determined to complete his film that he decides to put kit in it without even telling him . he has his actors approach kit on the streets of los angeles in character with a hidden camera filming the footage . will bowfinger be able to make his film ? or will kit ramsey discover what exactly is going on ? bowfinger is a very cartoon-like movie that pokes fun at hollywood and its famous residents while simultaneously holding a very solid story line . the only area where the film really lacks is the cameo department . this is the kind of movie that cameos are all about , it is always funny to see actors/directors/producers making fun of themselves or co-workers especially in a playful movie such as this . besides the very repetitive and superflous ending , bowfinger is a joy to watch . if you take a movie like this seriously then you will never enjoy it . if you accept the incredulous plot and the extreme caricatures of real entertainment figures , the movie is great fun .

richard gere can be a commanding actor , but he's not always in great films . everything comes together here . gere is a big time chicago defense attorney who takes on a seemingly unwinable case in hopes of even more publicity . it doesn't go exactly as he expects . gere's client , aaron ( edward norton ) , is a shy stuttering tennessee boy who is accused of brutally murdering and mutilating a catholic archbishop . the evidence is stacked against him . he was caught running from the scene covered in the bishop's blood . his bloody footprints are all over the murder scene . he has a relationship with the priest . gere talks to the boy , believes that he is actually innocent and sets about finding the real killer . despite the lawyer's proclamations that he doesn't care about the guilt of his clients and that the real thrill is gambling with people's lives , he becomes involved with aaron and is determined to free him . lots of complications and twists . the prosecuting attorney is gere's former co-worker and lover . they both work each other's motives to their legal advantages and it gets messy . her boss had major economic dealings with the archbishop that went sour and seems to have crime connections . aaron gets weirder and weirder as the trial goes on . gere's case is falling apart and he is faced with about a dozen ethical dilemmas . gere is exceptional as the well-dressed reserved counselor , but just once , i wanted to see him kick back and come out of his " suit " persona . even when he loses it , you don't see very far inside . norton's aaron is convincing : he comes across as the backwoods kid misplaced in the big city . the supporting cast does a fine job of holding together the story . as with most of the effective courtroom dramas , the cinematography is crisp and rich . the story will keep you on the edge of your seat . nothing is what it seems .

burnt money is the perfect festival film . it will show once or twice , and then no one , thankfully , will ever have to hear from it again . this film from the seattle international film festival 2001's emerging masters series is easily one of the year's worst . billed as a gay `bonnie and clyde' , this gritty film from director marcelo pi ? eyro has its only highlight in a well-designed title sequence . two gay lovers get involved in a bank robbery that makes a gang leader , whose plan they screwed up , angry . this causes the gang leader to send his boys out to get the gay guys , one of whom may not actually be gay . hiding out in a prostitute's apartment , the two men must fight off police and gang members in a very long showdown for the movie's conclusion . if caught , they risk losing all the money , and their love . as an added emotional bonus , one of the gay men is dying . or something like that . everything that happens is so quick and confusing i was completely lost . clarity isn't exactly this movie's striving virtue , so it was a little hard to pick up . not much could have really happened though . the main events in this long two-hour film are explicit homosexual and heterosexual sex , graphic drug use , extreme violence , and strong language . lots of explicit material is never a bad thing when there's a reason , but there's no purpose to anything in this film . most of the sex and violence scenes come off as silly , while the heavy drug use comes off as ridiculous and depressing . it appears pi ? eyro ( who co-wrote with marcelo figueras , from a novel by ricardo piglia ) purposefully adds more blood and lovemaking for his own amusement . he makes the actors as sweaty and dirty as possible , makes them snort cocaine , gives them guns and condoms , and lets them go . burnt money is pointless . the performances are bad . it tries to thrill and shock , but only causes boredom . god forbid it will ever get a distributor . another disappointing film from this year's so-called emerging masters series . pass on by .

i know there were times during this movie that i laughed pretty hard . the problem is , i can't remember them as i write this review . that's not a good sign . in booty call , jamie foxx is bunz , a character whom i can't really describe , because i don't know that much about him . i only know that he likes to shoot dice on the sidewalk , and that he doesn't like relationships , just " booty calls " at three in the morning ( no questions , no commitment ) . bunz has a best friend named rushon ( tommy davidson ) , who seems to be bunz's direct opposite : on the straight and narrow , and currently in a long-term commitment ( a whole seven weeks , wow ! ) . rushon wants to finally sleep with his girlfriend , nikki ( tamala jones ) , but for a reason which is not totally explained , it's going to happen after a double date with bunz and nikki's friend lysterine ( vivica a . fox ) , who have never met . to make a long story short , the two couples pair off and spend the rest of the evening having their attempts to do the deed spoiled by nikki's obsession with safe sex . first she wants condoms , so bunz and rushon go out and get them . oh , no , they have to be latex , not lambskin . back to the store . now they've got to get dental dams , or there'll be no foreplay . why are both couples stopped each time nikki makes a demand ? nikki phones lysterine , who lives across the hall , and tells her she'd better be making these demands , too . talk about coitus interruptus . booty call is a film that does not know whether it wants to be a regular comedy or one of those over-the-top comedies . the difference between the two is that in the latter , things constantly happen which are so far removed from reality . in this category , for example , you have ace ventura : private eye on the mild side , and airplane ! at the extreme . there are times during booty call where the film steps out of its shell and tries for this status , but then too often quickly retreats to the safety of convention . it is disappointing , and even worse , distracting . there are also instances where the screenplay by takashi bufford and bootsie parker ( are those real names ? ) does not live up to its potential , as jokes are left unexploited or even ruined by bad writing . for instance , there is a scene where our main characters are in a chinese restaurant . bunz goes up to an asian gangster and speaks to him in fluent cantonese , much to everyone's surprise . however , when asked how he learned the language , he goes into this explanation of how he started picking up words from late-night kung-fu films , and soon gained mastery . this negated the ludicrousness of the entire scene . if , on the other hand , when asked how he learned to speak chinese , bunz simply replied with , " kung-fu movies , " and then moved on , the joke would have been much more effective . this is because it would have been totally unbelievable , but funny because we know it is unbelievable . by explaining the point and trying to make the ridiculous plausible , the film is not giving its viewers enough credit . the inconsistency and uncertain believability unfortunately also raise other questions . why are two such disparate people like bunz and rushon best friends ? why do rushon and nikki fix up bunz and lysterine ? if nikki is so obsessed with safe sex , why doesn't she have some condoms at her own apartment ? these questions are not answered by the screenplay , but are overlooked for the sole reason of moving the plot forward . a very noticeable quality of booty call is the prevalence of unnecessary foul language . some movies use a lot of swear words , but use them under very justifiable circumstances , as when they are employed consistent with a character's pattern of speech . other films , such as the recent jackie brown , use them in ways that almost parody themselves . booty call just sticks them in to get laughs , and it doesn't work . they stick out like sore thumbs because there is almost no reason to use them . half of the scenes seem to occur for no reason . the chinese restaurant , a holdup at a convenience store , and a trip to the hospital seem to have nothing to do with the story , and are in there for filler . this is surprising , considering that the film is less than eighty minutes long . it's too bad that the core of the film isn't much better , since it is comprised of sometimes funny , but forgettable dialog . i refer you to the first paragraph of this review .

apocalypse now , based on the novel " hearts of darkness " , is an extremely striking , gripping , and horrifying depiction of the vietnam war from another angle . a long debate has surrounded this movie as if it is actually an anti-war film . in many ways , this debate could go either way . apocalypse now is probably one of the most memorable vietnam war films ever made . in addition , now film has gone to the extremes that this film does - a disturbing look at the corruption and terrifying effects of the most devastating war of recent years . apocalypse now follows the mission captain benjamin l . willard , played by martin sheen , to seek out and eliminate colonel walter e . kurtz , a green beret who is thought to have gone insane and set up his own militant base in cambodia . captain willard is ordered to assassinate kurtz with " extreme prejudice " because he has been deemed a murderer . willard accepts his mission , but not while pondering the accusation . accusing someone of murder in this situation is like " handing out speeding tickets at the indy 500 " , as he puts it . it doesn't make too much sense . escorting him on his mission are a group of men who operate a riverboat . the men are chef ( frederic forrest ) , chief ( albert hall ) , lance johnson ( sam bottoms ) and mr . clean ( a fifteen year-old laurence fishburne ) . willard is ordered not to let them know exactly what his mission is , but they all know it is something big . the men encounter many exciting , dangerous and bizarre situations . but no situation is more bizarre than the infamous napalm scene with a very eccentric robert duvall as lieutenant colonel kilgore . kilgore decides to attack and overtake a certain beach area so that his men can surf . surf . this is all inspired when kilgore is able to meet the famed california surfer lance johnson . duvall's portrayal as lieutenant colonel kilgore is terrific , and , he provides a number of memorable quotes . eventually , captain willard encounters colonel kurtz's frightening community full of strange things everywhere you look , especially his followers . one of his main followers is a freelance photographer ( dennis hopper ) who attempts to convey the situations to willard . but willard cannot understand the madness that encompasses the colony . kurtz is actually well aware of willard's mission , and refers to him as " an errand boy sent by grocery clerks to collect a bill " . yet willard is intent on completing his mission , no matter what shocking things kurtz does . apocalypse now , possibly one of the greatest films ever made , is a stunning vision into the madness that corresponds to the vietnam war . a movie that will hypnotize you with it's brilliant cinematography , apocalypse now is an outstanding epic drama about the controversial and horrifying ravages of war . definitely on the " do not miss " list . be prepared for a very memorable film .

when considering david fincher's latest film , " the game " , four words come to mind . " don't believe the hype . " this michael douglas vehicle , from the director of " seven " , isn't nearly as clever or innovatively suspenseful as it would have us believe . the film draws us in with an intriguing concept ( aided no doubt by the riveting trailer ) where a jaded millionaire ( douglas ) is presented with the opportunity to enter into a living fantasy . this isn't simply virtual reality . this is real life with a deadly twist . on his 48th birthday , nicholas van orton ( douglas ) is invited to dinner by his underachieving younger brother , conrad ( sean penn ) . conrad has a special birthday present for his brother . he hands nicholas a gift certificate and tells him to contact a company called consumer recreation services . " they make your life fun , " conrad tells him . nicholas humors his brother , telling him he'll call , but it's clear he has no time for any foolish , " fantasy role-playing , " as he calls it . then , for reasons that are never really made clear , nicholas decides to go to crs and see what they're all about . he ends up spending a whole day going through their screening process , which to me made no sense considering the tight schedule he keeps claiming to have . nevertheless , when it seems nicholas has been rejected as a crs client , the weird things start happening . of course , when we've only covered about 30 minutes of screen time , what else should we expect . douglas has built his modern career around playing powerful , violent and unlikable men being manipulated by unseen hands . one of those films , " basic instinct " , came from the creative minds of writer , joe eszterhas and director , paul verhoeven . the premise of " the game , " is not unlike the concept of another verhoeven film , " total recall . " in that case , the premise was implanting someone else's memories as a way to enhance one's own life through a dream vacation . yet , in both films , the real goal is to create a vicarious bond with the audience . we live the adventure along with the protagonist , reacting to each twist and turn . in theory , the key to the suspense is not being to tell what is real and what isn't . all we can do is hang on until the end of the ride , when the truth is finally revealed . now , for those of you who forgot , let me say this again . " don't believe the hype . " " the game " is not a thrilling roller coaster ride . as a suspense-thriller , it doesn't do much but spin in circles . by the third reel , i was fighting back sleep and checking my watch as i endured the predictable plot . is it any wonder douglas won't be able to resist the charms of a mysterious , potentially life-threatening blonde ( ever heard of glenn close ? no ? well , how about sharon stone ? thought so ) . if anything in this film surprises you at all , i would guess you haven't seen that many films . there is no suspense here . trust me , i looked hard to find some . i had to settle for contrived gimmicks and ridiculously implausible situations . fincher aim's for hitchcock but lands somewhere just north of joe eszterhas . there are those that might say " the game " is not intended to be viewed literally . i would submit that is exactly the way i tried to view the film . the film simply does not have the teeth to bite into any real psychological issues . there is a moment early in the film where van orton , realizing his game has begun , smiles as he walks through the airport trying to figure out who's in on the whole thing . he is charged by his paranoia . he is looking at the world through new eyes . it is the last thought-provoking moment in the film . from there on , the director only wants to stay a step ahead of us . any significant archetype that is set up in the beginning of the film is simply turned into a plot device . at the outset , we're told each " game " is tailored to the individual . ultimately , this " game " is supposed to work like a crucible , trying this obscenely wealthy and emotionally detached aristocrat by fire , proving his soul . yet , as douglas endures his personal gauntlet , we're given very few pieces of the puzzle to illuminate us on who this man really is . i wanted to like this film more than i did . i look at it as just anothergreat idea , poorly realized . i can think of at least two other superior films where watching the film didn't mean we were seeing what was really happening . bryan singer's " the usual suspects " for one , a film that was truly unique in its ability to get you lost in the details before pulling back to show you the full masterpiece on the canvas . also , there is the underrated " jacob's ladder , " with tim robbins , a film that really has to be watched twice before you recognize the significance of all its symbolism . here are two examples of films that don't simply manipulate for manipulations' sake . there are films that use their labyrinth structure to lead us to a meaningful place . one major issue that comes up in " the game " is whether or not the whole " illusion " is just a highly sophisticated con game . well , i can tell you right now , after you've spent your $7 dollars , you may be asking yourself the same thing .

well i'll be damned . . . the canadians can make a good movie . the world is coming to an end . we don't know why or how , but apparently there is no way to stop it . the world has had this information for months , as most of the rioting and other assorted chaos has passed and governments have shut down operations . yet for a handful of toronto citizens , life goes on . they aren't going crazy or attacking people in the streets . instead they are simply preparing themselves for the end . . . some engaging in activities they've always wanted to do , some gathering with family and friends , and others just seeking to be alone . these people's lives however all intersect during their final six hours . writer-director-star don mckellar has crafted a highly unique and emotional film . all of the main characters are compelling as they try and do whatever it is they need to do on their last night on earth . craig ( callum keith rennie ) tries to fulfill all his sexual fantasies , a gas company employee ( david cronenberg ) calls every customer letting them know the gas will be flowing until the very end and thanks them for their business , and patrick ( mckellar ) just wants to be by himself but isn't having much success . even minor characters keep popping up where you least expect them to , tying everyone even closer . things seemed a little hokey towards the beginning of the film , but ultimately everything comes together nicely ( although it's not a happy film . . . some moments are understandably gut-wrenching ) . the story is enhanced by some unexpected humor and very realistic performances , particularly from sandra oh , whose character is just trying to get home to her husband before the end . i have absolutely no problem that the reason for the end of the world is never given , nor does it bother me that the world is ending at exactly 12 midnight ( in toronto anyway ) . but i do wonder why the sun never sets . come midnight , the sun is still shining brightly . maybe the sun is crashing into the earth . . . who knows . also , it's comforting to know that in mankind's final moments on the planet , people will still gang up on the street for the sheer purpose of pushing over a car or a bus ( that's not a shot at this film mind you . . . i know people are just stupid and truly would be out in the street tipping over cars ) . last night is available on dvd from universal home video . it contains the film in fullscreen format and includes the original theatrical trailer . [r]

it's ironic that the best films in cinema history are invariably the original director's cut of the film . films such as aliens , the abyss , the wild bunch , blade runner , and terminator 2 are all prime examples of a filmmaker's integrity , later chopped up or mucked with by the studio . the advent of the dvd format has provided a more accessible way to get these original cuts to the public and provide to film freaks like myself the ability to become further enraptured by the extension of such classic films . the dvd release of the original international version of luc besson's 1995 masterpiece the professional , which is known as l ? on around the world , is a prime example of how a good film can become an instant classic as a director's cut . for years , i have heard of an " international " version available only in laserdisc format , which has eluded me for years . i even bought a laserdisc player from my uncle don for 100 bucks just to watch certain directors' cuts - including l ? on . but after countless searches in laserdisc stores , i could never find it . until now . the film follows the story of l ? on , played by jean reno , a professional hit man for an italian mob crew run by danny aiello . he lives next door to a ferociously independent 12-year-old girl named mathilda - played by then newcomer natalie portman , whose father is involved in drugs and crooked cops . one day , a crew of the cops - lead by gary oldman in an over-the-top performance - kills her entire family while mathilda is out buying groceries . taking pity on her , l ? on hides her in his apartment when she returns to save her life . mathilda learns of l ? on's hit man profession and decides to follow in l ? on's footsteps as a " cleaner . " she then falls in love with him and manages to reawaken emotions within l ? on he has kept locked away as part of his profession . at this point , the differences in the american version and the international version really kick in . the international version contains an additional 24 minutes of footage that pertains directly to the relationship of l ? on and mathilda , footage that american censors deemed " too explicit . " i assume that american censors feel that defining character development is too much for american audiences to handle . the best part of this extra footage is that gives better understanding of both mathilda's and l ? on's motivations pertaining to later actions involving oldman and his crew of bad cops . there's even a previously unseen cameo by the great french actor jean-hugues anglade - star of queen margot , besson's la femme nikita , and killing zoe . with these additional scenes replaced , l ? on and matilda's relationship brings you emotionally closer to the film and draws stronger bonds between the characters that were murky in the american version . the most ironic thing about the international version of the film is that with the inclusion of the missing scenes , the film becomes primarily a heavy , emotional drama punctuated with big action scenes at the beginning and the end of the film . the film betters reflects the serious drama of french cinema but is laced with pieces reflecting the brutality of american cinema . my advice to everyone out there is to throw away your copy of the professional , throw down twenty bucks , and pick up this newly restored cinematic masterpiece . director/writer : luc besson producer : luc besson , claude besson starring : jean reno , natalie portman , gary oldman , danny aiello

" crazy/beautiful " suffers from the damned-if-you-do , damned-if-you-don't syndrome . after a spate of flighty , cookie-cutter teen films , the romantic drama addresses alcoholism and parental loss along with its love story . but rather than applaud the production , early reviews have dismissed it as an overblown " afterschool special . " even worse , in the wake of federal trade commission hearings that blasted the industry for marketing violent and sexual movies to young people , the studio got a case of the heebie-jeebies and forced director john stockwell to re-shoot scenes and cut footage to " tone things down . " needless to say , the filmmaker was frustrated . " we were trying to make a cautionary tale , " he told newsweek , " and we couldn't show the behavior we were trying to caution people away from . " regardless , the film works , thanks to exceptional performances from its lead players and a script determined to transcend stereotypes . " crazy/beautiful " is quality fare , good enough that i half-expected the summer movie crap police to walk into the press screening and confiscate the print for " failure to incorporate explosions and poop jokes . " set in pacific palisades , calif . , the story follows the burgeoning relationship between two teens . every morning and evening , carlos nunez ( jay hernandez ) takes a two-hour bus ride in order to attend pacific high school . an honor student and star athlete , carlos is responsible , modest and focused as he works on securing a place in the naval academy . all is well until he meets nicole oakley ( kirsten dunst ) , the daughter of a rich congressman ( bruce davison ) . nicole is a drunk apparently hell-bent on self-destruction . carlos is smart enough to recognize the danger in getting involved with her , but he is only human and she has the greatest smile . plus , as her father notes , she has a real knack for drawing others into her downward spiral . as with " save the last dance , " " crazy/beautiful " ( god , how i hate lower-case titles ) takes situations that look stale on paper and makes them seem fresh . while noting the racial and social differences between the kids , the screenplay dances around most of the clich ? s ( there are still several mtv moments , though ) . the filmmakers make a point to give characters that crucial extra bit of shading that turns them into individuals instead of stereotypes and the actors take it from there . cute-as-a-button dunst forces the viewer to share the pain beneath nicole's behavior . she is credible enough that when dad urges carlos to get away from her before she drags him down , i hoped the boy would listen . as carlos , hernandez is a revelation . hunky without looking like the product of a hollywood design team , the young man can really act ; we will see a lot of this guy in the future . aside from its title , the biggest problem with " crazy/beautiful " is its ending , which wraps everything up too fast and too tidy . after carefully presenting credible characters and situations , the conclusion feels rushed and lazy . still , this is the kind of film that deserves accolades from critics instead of cheap shots . " afterschool special " my ass ? " crazy/beautiful " is the real deal .

long time buddies and neil diamond tribute band members wayne ( steve zahn , " happy , texas " ) and j . d . ( jack black , " high fidelity " ) watch in horror as third mate darren silverman ( jason biggs , " american pie " ) disappears under the thumb of his new fiance judith , ( amanda peet , " the whole nine yards " ) a controlling psychiatrist . they're doubly troubled when the return of darren's 'one and only love' sandy perkins ( amanda detmer , " final destination " ) returns to their home town but doesn't cause a ripple in darren's devotion to judith . there's only one thing wayne and j . d . can think of doing - they kidnap judith and fake her death in " saving silverman . " written by hank nelken and greg depaul after seeing a friend engaged to the wrong woman , " saving silverman " is directed by 'hit comedy director' dennis dugan of such films as " big daddy , " " brain donors " and " problem child . " it's a dismal , third-rate farrelly brothers rip off that attempts to milk humor from such inspired bits of whimsy as having darren's love interest come from a family of circus freaks and be about to become a nun . gross out gags include a visualization of darren getting butt cheek implants . " saving silverman " is almost saved by stars zahn and black . these two are so comically talented they can take bad material and still deliver the goods . they're in " animal house " mode while the rest of the film trawls along and comes up empty . jason biggs can attribute his entire career to the luck of having been cast in the smash hit " american pie . " peet shows some physical moves but no flair for comedy here while detmer slaps a brave , sweet smile onto her face and soldiers through . r . lee ermey ( " full metal jacket " ) is one note in an embarrassing performance as a psychopathic ex-football coach . neil diamond appears at the film's climax as himself and miraculously enlivens the proceedings by belting out some of his old standards .

touchstone pictures and spyglass entertainment presents a birnbaum / barber production in association with a jackie chan films limited production jackie chan owen wilson " shanghai noon " lucy liu music by randy edelman co producers ned dowd jules daly executive producer jackie chan willie chan and solon so produced by roger birnbaum gary barber and jonathan glickman written by alfred gough & miles millar directed by tom dey rated pg-13 for mild language , adult situations , drug use , martial art action and violence . 107 minutes . super 35mm / panavision ( 2 . 35 : 1 ) what can you say about jackie chan that hasn't already been said . since the release of 'rumble in the bronx " back in 1996 ( the u . s . release ) , jackie has become a fairly recognizable commodity on america's video shelves . having made over 80 films , jackie has finally succeeded in bringing his style of action-comedy to the west . his latest release , " shanghai noon " , is a joyful tribute / spoof of the classic western . and by adding jackie chan into the genre , the tag line for the film ( " the western gets a kick in the pants " ) rings true . jackie stars as chon wang , a lesser imperial guard in the forbidden city of china . the royal princess pei pei ( lucy liu ) is set to be married to the obnoxious son of a nobleman from another prefecture . unwilling to follow her father's wishes , princess pei pei with the assistance of her english tutor , decides to escape to america . but this is all a ploy devised by exiled guard lo fong , which will lead to the princess' kidnapping and ransom . unable to take any legal action , the ransom demands are met and three of the forbidden city's bravest guards ( played by cui ya hi , rong guang yu , and eric chen ) are ordered to transport the ransom payment to lo fong in carson city , nevada . chon wang pleads with the imperial court and is given permission to join the team , as he is looked upon as a buffoon . on a train in the u . s . jackie meets up with bandit roy o'bannon ( owen wilson ) . he is much less of a bandit than he is a glory hog , looking simple for the notoriety and fame that being a bandit will bring him . with his gang in tow , roy attempts to rob the train , when one of his gang murders the chinese interpreter of the royal court , who also happens to be chon wang's uncle . chon wang gives chase , foiling the attempted robbery , but also leaving himself stranded in the desert . as the disgraced guard wanders through the desert , he again comes upon roy , who has been left for dead by his former gang . buried up to his neck in the desert , roy pleads with chon to dig him out . chon demands to know where carson city is . roy directs him , and chon leaves . but not before sticking two chopsticks into roy's mouth and telling him to dig himself . chon soon finds himself confronted by angry crow warriors , a friendly sioux tribe , gunslingers , a horse that thinks and behaves like a dog and an indian bride ( brandon merrill ) , before once again running into roy . " shanghai noon " is just good fun . the chemistry between the cast is remarkable . the performances are all acceptable within the whimsical levels of the film . jackie's performance is as good as anything he's done before . he's not called on to do much acting here , as the character is not written with any depth . but jackie's natural charisma shines through , and his comic timing is so perfect , both physically and ( surprise ) verbally that once again he commands the screen whenever he is on . owen wilson , last seen in the embarrassing remake of " the haunting " , gives a good natured performance as roy o'bannon . his innocence is refreshing and fun . a bad guy that's not really bad . his scenes with jackie are some of the best bits of comic dueling since martin and lewis . lucy liu as princess pei pei is given little to do in the script , but for a change does not play a nymphet or some other deviant . the character is a noble woman of status and wealth , but finds a greater cause as a result of her own imprisonment . the rest of the performances are all broadly drawn comic performances . nothing here is realistic , mind you . " shanghai noon " is first and foremost a light , jovial film . and the performances match that style with ease . the cinematography by dan mindel is gorgeous . using calgary , alberta as the prime location . mr . mindel is able to create a lush , romantic western feel to the film . nothing here really looks like nevada , but the locations are so beautifully shot and staged , the film can be looked upon as a loving tribute to earlier films of the genre . and as such , the script by alfred gough and miles millar plays fast and loose with history , but with reverence to past films . homage to such films as " high noon " ( obviously ) , " red river " and most notably " butch cassidy & the sundance kid " all bring a sense of nostalgia to the film . it is a comforting experience . at a time when the western is considered either old hat or irrelevant , here is a film that embraces those old attitudes and ( dare i say ) clich ? s and manages to make them palatable and refreshing . here is a film that is not contemptuous of the genre . this is the purest " horse opera " since the days of george o'brian or john wayne . director tom dey has crafted a loving tribute to hollywood's past . in this , his first film mr . dey shows both a love of character and of craftsmanship that is refreshing to see . nothing here really stands out , or takes one's attention away from the story or action . and that is as it should be , when jackie chan is your star . and what of the action and stunts . well , while not up to a level of " drunken master 2 " or any of jackie's hong kong films , " shanghai noon " is miles ahead of anything jackie has done in an american film before . his timing , choreography , and creativity are still as sharp as ever . jackie even gets to recreate a few scenes from his earlier films ( obvious to those of us that have seen those films , but refreshingly fun for those unfamiliar ) . finally jackie can honestly say , that he has made an u . s . , his way and incorporating his style . to sum up , " shanghai noon " is a fun summer confection . not too heavy and not too light . a fun and entertaining film that the whole family can enjoy ( parents be advised there are scenes of smoking , drunkenness and peyote use ) . an enjoyable and charming film that can and will be enjoyed again and again .

2 days in the valley is more or less a pulp fiction knock off . it basically involves how a bunch of quirky characters in the los angeles area end up having their lives become intertwined in some very unusual ways . i'm not going into much greater detail than that , since it would take forever to explain , and quite frankly , i'm not willing to spend any more time on it than the 2 hours that i've already wasted . while it tries very hard to be pulp fiction , 2 days in the valley falls way short . this is quite a condemnation considering the cast includes danny aiello , james spader and jeff daniels . while the story isn't much , and the dialogue and characters rate only marginally better , 2 days in the valley does have a couple of bright spots . james spader's character , while not much better than the rest , is at least fun to watch in a sick sort of way . and we do get to see a nice cat fight between uber babes teri hatcher and charlize theron ( in her first role ) . you know a movie isn't that good when the highlight is a brawl between two women . even if they are both gorgeous . i will give the writers some credit for the fairly clever ways in which they managed to intersect the lives of this group of characters that would have otherwise never interacted . but marveling at that ingenuity is a far cry from actually enjoying the result . while some of the characters and their respective stories are fairly interesting , they inevitably are brought down as they intersect with the other half of the characters that i really cared absolutely nothing about . if i were to put a number on it , only about half of the story and half the characters in this movie were particularly interesting or otherwise enjoyable to watch . this is the sort of movie that only a huge fan of one or more of the cast members should rent , and even then prepare for disappointment . not even charlize theron being naked would get me to sit through this movie again . or at least not all of it anyway .

romeo is bleeding wants to carry the unusual flavor of reservoir dogs or bad lieutenant . with director peter medak , whose previous credits include the good films let him have it and the krays , and top-notch character actors gary oldman and lena olin , they seemed likely to be a successful combination . those mentioned films , however , brought something to the screen that romeo is bleeding did not : a solid , well-written screenplay . call me cynical , but the jobs of writer and producer don't seem to mix well . gary oldman plays jack grimaldi , a good cop turned bad , selling information to the mob and cheating on his wife . his cheating is obvious enough to obtain his nickname , although the name doesn't provide any insight or analogy to the shakespearean character . jack has become addicted to " feeding the hole " , a hole in the ground where he stores his payoff money . when he realizes his colleagues are being shot , he feebly attempts to get out . gary oldman's performance is disappointingly weak ; he seems nearly bored . in the process , he also gets tangled-up with mona demarkov , a russian mobsterette who wants to take over the territory from top boss falcone , played adequately by roy scheider . demarkov , played by lena olin , is a tough but tremendously sexy woman with seemingly no problems maneuvering within the mob world . this character is combination of both linda hamilton and arnold schwarznegger from terminator 2 . i can't remember seeing a character quite like her . after being shot , handcuffed , and thrown in the back seat of a car , she still manages to cause an accident , kick out the windshield with her legs , grab a suitcase full of money ( plus some important documentation ) , climb through the rubble , land on her shot leg , and still succeed at running for safety . what a woman ! lena olin's performance is the only glimmer in this dismal film . anabella sciorra is wasted in her role as romeo's wife . there is little insight into her character . she's depressed , she makes obvious references , she mopes around the house . juliette lewis , as romeo's girlfriend , is treated with the same cliche attitudes , although ms . lewis' portrayal certainly didn't improve it . both women were anything but sexy or attractive . poorly developed characters aside , the screenplay also suffers from several logistical problems . it is so discouraging to watch a film and want to shout at the main character ( not ) to do something . for example , jack and his friends attend a funeral to hang in the background to scope-out the mob scene . fine . jack spots the big boss with his goons by the gravesite . fine . what does jack proceed to do ? he brushes his friends off by telling them he isn't feeling well , then strolls over to the boss . why ? the boss had all ready threatened him ; falcone simply takes the opportunity to issue more threats by ordering his goons to take off some of jack's toes by the gravesite . i guess they weren't worried about any federal agents lingering around after the funeral . . . . or here's another : demarkov set-up her own death by cutting off her arm with a circular saw . she proceeded to set the place on fire . wouldn't the flames burn off the fingerprints ? aren't dental records more important ? as bright and resourceful as she was supposed to be , couldn't she come up with a better plot ? ( and it took her no time at all to get a good-fitting , functional prosthesis . ) lack of attention to detail certainly adds up in a film . this film doesn't even add up the large details . there is little or no consistency in the story-line . not much makes sense . the direction lacks cohesion , surprising from a director whose previous credits are impeccable . the moods shift , the styles shift , and no one can seem to decide if it is a serious film or satire of one . so while it certainly isn't reservoir dogs , it certainly isn't diva . there's plenty more to tear apart in this film . my advice to someone who hasn't seen it to to wait until it comes on video . there are some quotable lines that would provide a campy evening if not taken seriously . it's not a boring film , just not a good one . or an intelligent one .

" a private matter " is based on the true story of sherri finkbine and the events in her life during the 1960s . after becoming pregnant ( for the fifth time ) she learns that some tranquilizers she had taken have seriously deformed her unborn child . she and her husband decide , with the help of her doctor , to have an abortion . but this is the 1960s , and abortion is illegal . her doctor has made arrangements to have the procedure performed withing the law , by claiming that the child is endangering the mother's life . everything is about to work out just fine , until sherri has the uncontrollable urge to talk about her situation with a local reporter . this sets off a media frenzy and immediately sherri is the most hated woman in the world . she and her husband are fired from their jobs , reporters are surrounding their home at all times , and most importantly , no one in the country ( and eventually other countries ) will perform the abortion . this causes emotion problems for all involved . " a private matter " is a fascinating story and it's hard to believe that this only happened 30 years or so ago . it's only flaw is that not once is there ever a satisfactory confrontation with sherri and any of her opponents . one woman passing her on the street telss her to burn in hell , and when sherri appropriately yells back , " just tell me what i'm supposed to do , " the woman has no answer . no one apparently had an answer , they just wanted to control what should have been only the choice of sherri and her husband . this is an important film , telling an important story . it's not just about not wanting another child , it's about not wanting a child who will cause severe changes in their family , none of which could be beneficial . sydney pollack served as executive producer for this made for hbo movie .

five years after his directorial debut based on stephen king's writings called the shawshank redemption ( 9/10 ) , writer/director frank darabont returns to the big screen with another prison film based on the famous scribblings of stephen king . unlike the latter film , this one is a big , long , laborious bore . plot : a seven-foot death row inmate is discovered to have secret healing powers . critique : this film is slow , drawn-out , boring , uninteresting , unexciting , predictable and topped with a couple of one-dimensional " evil " characters . its only positive attribute lies in its actors who all do credible jobs and its message of hope and belief in miracles . the real miracle of my night was the fact that i did not fall asleep during this straightforward , unimpressive film about a guy with special powers who we never truly understand or care about . of course , much like all other death row cell blocks , this one is filled with decent inmates who all happen to be " misunderstood " , except for one cookie-cutter crazy guy who is evil personified . and let's not forget all the guards on death row , who also happen to be angels from the heaven above , except for one cookie-cutter crazy guard who is also evil personified ( and is there any reason why there are about six guards when there appears to be no more than three inmates ? ? ? ) . am i supposed to identify with anyone in this film ? or even more importantly , am i supposed to give a rat's ass about anyone in this film ? well , if i was , i sure missed that boat , because the only thing that i ended up caring about during this entire picture was the obscene amount of fat that tom hanks has been able to burrow under his loose chin . furthermore , there is absolutely no reason in the world why director frank darabont needed to take three hours and ten minutes out of anyone's life to present this story . in fact , the story is empty within itself . i truly did not get anything out of the film other than the fact that there is a guy on death row who has special powers to heal , and we are left wondering if he should still be executed or not . wow . how interesting . the plot's utter predictability is also at fault here with one guess as to whom is to get healed by the gentle monster in this film ( we are told that one certain lady has a tumor early on in the movie ) . whip out those thinking caps , kids ! hmmm , and i wonder what will happen to those two cookie-cutter " evil " guys who have nothing in their system but hate and negativity . hmmmm , now think hard here , boys and girls . what a crock ! i am guessing that this film was supposed to be some three-hour exercise in spirituality , but unfortunately for me , it was neither spiritual or the least bit engaging . in fact , it was one big bore . i didn't see the point of the movie , i didn't see the point of the story and i certainly didn't see the point in tom hanks' big double-chin . all in all , a bad movie starring some great actors doing solid work , especially michael clarke duncan as the man of the hour , john coffey . give that man an award or something !

luckily , some people got starship troopers . some people knew it was supposed to be silly . for those of you who didn't , how could you miss it ? from the very beginning , when we see an interactive internet-like promotional video for the armed forces of the future , it should be obvious this film is to be taken lightly . i guess without blatant one-liners and home alone style slapstick , some people just don't recognize such goofy humor . such a dry approach to such intentionally campy humor must have left some disillusioned . first thing to do before seeing this movie - lighten up . meet the equivalent of " beverly hills 90210 " meets " mighty morphin power rangers " . four close friends are now graduating high school and are ready to join the armed forces , which , in the future , means fighting for the whole galaxy and not just your country . johnny rico ( casper van dien ) is ready to join the infantry , mostly because his girlfriend carmen ibanez ( denise richards ) has enlisted to be a pilot . dizzy flores ( dina meyer ) has enlisted as a trooper , and it's possible she's joining merely to follow rico , whom she's always had eyes for . if you saw these three on the street , you'd automatically start searching for the fashion designers and photographers , for never has a movie's cast looked so much like the cut-out cover of " seventeen " magazine . the lone non-supermodel , carl jenkins ( played by doogie howser himself , neil patrick harris ) is the brainiac who gets into the military intelligence division , the top secret department that pretty much leaves doogie - er , carl out of the picture . ( good call - now we can put all our drooling efforts into only the most deserving of characters ) . right off the bat , rico becomes the star of the show , far surpassing all the other soldiers and becoming squadron leader in a short period of time . but a horrific accident during a standard training exercise ( which follows all to closely to his breakup with carmen ) leaves rico ready to call it quits . with his bags packed and his civilian clothes back on , johnny is ready to walk off base and catch the next flight home . well sorry , rico suave , but there's no place like home , especially after gigantic alien insects have destroyed it . that's right , the planet is being attacked by a colony of arachnid-like alien beings that a can of raid just isn't going to destroy . with a sudden change of heart ( and clothes ) , rico is back in the game , following his fellow starship troopers off to fight a mean group of daddy long legs . what starship troopers really is , is a spoof of all that it even remotely touches on - the soap opera like love affairs of high school , the love for sci-fi and thirst for gore shared by this same age group , etc . nothing is taken seriously . it's almost as much a satire on young adults as clueless , but with its sly and futuristic approach , it's not as recognizably so . it's a spoof so subtle that many won't recognize the spoofery . if you deem this as sci-fi/action , you're wrong . it's sci-fi/action/comedy , with the comedy being on the level of such cult favorites as evil dead 2 . starship troopers just may be on the road to cult status as well . gore is a factor heavily brought up in reviews of this film , but the gore , too , is meant to be cheesy . yes , it's graphic , but it's also brutally phony , and that's what makes it such great fun to watch . not since the old " mr . bill " skits on " saturday night live " has torture and mutilation been such a joy to watch . people were laughing out loud every time a body was severed in half or a head was viciously decapitated . perhaps it brings back fond memories of the severities we inflicted upon our sisters' barbie dolls as young children . with the actors resembling ken and barbie so closely , it's a good chance this is the case , whether we're fully aware of it or not . starship troopers has it's slow parts , but it's truly an alternative to your typical sci-fi/action flick or lame juvenile comedy . aside from the intentionally cheesy gore , the special effects are quite astounding . when the spaceship passes a meteor , it's quite an awesome spectacle , visually crisp and captivating . if you're looking for brainless fun , this is the epitome of your search . a beautiful cast , awesome special effects , fast-paced action , campy acting , and a whole lot of gore . this is brainless heaven . just remember not to think .

for about twenty minutes into mission impossible 2 director john woo ( the killer , hard boiled , face off ) appears to have made an exciting , elegant , charming spy thriller , kind of a post millennium james bond adventure with a strapping american ( read : unsophisticated ) hero more willing to drop kick villains than out fox them . sadly , as the picture progresses , the final product begins to bear a closer resemblance to a souped up , two-hour long episode of magyuver . and not a particularly good one at that . what went wrong ? mi2 begins flashily enough , that initial flash leading us to believe that it'll soon give way to something of a plot , but it only gives way to more flash , then digresses further into a presumably unintentional parody of itself with much slo mo posturing and countless action set pieces wherein bad guys seem to deliberately leap into the way of tom cruise's firing gun just so they can die really cool . early on , during a car chase between soon to be lovers ethan hunt ( tom cruise ) and nyah nordoff-hall ( thandie newton ) , woo works some of his trademark magic . in one hypnotic , though completely inexplicable sequence , the director slows the action down to a languid semi-stall as cruise and his stunning opponent stare into one and other's eyes with come hither sexuality ? ? ? just as their respective cars smash and spin in accordance , coming ever so close to toppling over a neighboring cliff . prior to this we see the famed trailer opener of cruise climbing a steep mountain , sans scaffolding , then leaping from one jagged rock formation to another . why ? i haven't the foggiest . i doubt even john woo could provide you with a logical reply . with mi2 woo has become a slave to the summer movie machine , the one that jettisons logic for gravity defying effects and story for more gravity defying effects . it's possible that these " spies " could be adrenaline junkies climbing mountains and crashing into each other as means to get off , though of course this is never explored . the scenes i've described are really only included to titillate , not to give any insight into character . god forbid . woo certainly knows how to make each set piece energetic , but they remain individual set pieces never connecting to form anything more than splices of beer commercial-like visuals . still in terms of crackerjack eye candy , the opening has much to cherish . cruise and newton first meet during a vigorous flamenco dance featuring several welcome woo devices ( the graceful slow mo artistry of synchronized movement juxtaposed against the stage 1 romance of two attractive individuals discovering how attractive the other is ) . between the frantic dancing , woo trains his camera on cruise and newton as they make with some sensuous eye contact . the scene is a little over the top in a bon jovi music video circa 1988 kind of way , yet it has style and something of soul , and woo casts a bit of a spell on us . sure it's all smoke and mirrors , but we can see that there happens to be a talented maestro behind this particular product . thandie and cruise later meet in a bathtub in a scene that's about half as playfully charming as the jennifer lopez \ george cloony trunk meeting in out of sight . they flirt and exchange obvious double entendres . newton bats her eyes flirtatiously . cruise grins a little too slyly . the cruise character , ethan hunt , has been drastically altered since the first film . here cruise plays him more as a hip , sexual dynamo than the square jawed robot he impersonated in part 1 . he's cool and dashing , which is precisely the kind of role we want to see cruise in after watching him sleep walk through eyes wide shut ( which might just be the longest episode of red show diaries ever committed to film ) , and blustered his way through magnolia ( quite possibly the most overrated performance of the 90's ) . sadly as the film progresses we see less of cruise's initial " i'm the man ! " charm and more slo-mo close-ups of his preening mug . mi2 falls apart on nearly every level during its repetitious third act , which is essentially one hour long action sequence that just won't stop . the whole thing commences with an utterly generic gun battle ( the first gun fight in the film ) , which really should be unheard of in a john woo film , but alas this particular battle could've been staged by anyone from renny harlin to joseph merhi ( of course excepting the " symbolic " pigeons who seem to find their way into every john woo picture ) . we've all seen guys slide across the floor in slo mo while firing a gun in each hand . it isn't done any differently here . the action is pure hard target \ broken arrow theatrics with nothing to propel it but the apparent need to see tom cruise drop kick face less villains while his hair whips stylishly in the wind . he's cool for sure but he's made to be as empty as the movie . the actor isn't used so much for his boyish appeal as for his chiseled looks ; he smiles narcissistically into the camera at literally any moment , be it during a gunfight , before one or after one . when he's not beaming away , he's staring into the lens with cold eyes trying to look mad as hell , but woo's editing seriously undermines the effort . he fetishizes cruise's angular face with such glee that it turns into a naked gun style spoof . i half expected cruise to peel off his facemask and reveal that he's really austin powers . in a classic woo action moment , ethan hunt struts past a fiery doorway glaring at the baddies within its frame like a pin-up boy angel of death . the gunfight turns into a daring escape which turns into a reckless mission which turns into a motorcycle attack in which bad guys seem to angle directly for cruise to kill them like some kind of mass suicide ritual ( one dumb bastard even jumps his bike over the gun toting cruise , basically inviting our handsome hero to shoot him in mid air which he does ) . the lead bad guy ( played by the appropriately british dougray scott ) and cruise face off in a mentally deficient game of chicken ? ? ? on motorcycles . though instead of jumping off to the side at the last moment , the two grown men leap directly into the other giving each other a mid air bear hug , only to fly about a hundred feet ( still in bear hug position ) , land on a beach below and begin a mano-e-mano fist fight that ends with the bad guy pulling a " so you thought i was dead . . . " . not to worry , cruise takes care of the problem without even breaking a sweat . what a hero ! you may have noticed that i opted not to describe an iota of mi2's plot . my reasoning is simple : i'm not sure of any good it would do . the film itself has absolutely no concern with story , only with hurtling forth to the next " special " effect . i wasn't kidding when i told a friend of mine that mi2 has less plot than the average aerosmith video . nobody will go to this for the plot , and if they do they'll surely regret it . as summer movies evolve ( or devolve ) character and plot have become increasingly whittled down to nearly nothing . in mi , the plot seemed to be built around brian de palma's ( that film's director ) stylistic flourishes , while in mi2 the plot only serves to give us an intermittent breather from woo's non-stop masturbatory pandemonium . it's irrelevant in every sense , as is character . all that ultimately matters are those pesky smoke and mirrors .

capsule : lesbianism examined in the same hushed and reverential tones reserved for a terminal illness . potentially interesting idea made stagy and boring . claire of the moon is such an impossibly serious and sober movie that i was waiting for someone to sneeze , just to break the ice . it's a perfect example of what my wife calls an s . f . e . movie , where s . f . e . means so f * * * ing earnest . movies like this need wit and brashness to be absorbing . claire is one strained speech after another , written delivered with all of the energy and spontenaity of a dmv clerk . claire takes two women , claire and noel , both writers , and throws them together in the same cabin at a women-only writer's retreat . claire wrights light comedy , while noel is a scholarly authority on porn and sexual behavior . obviously , the two of them are going to have plenty to talk about , and for the entire one hundred and twelve insufferable minutes of this movie , that's all they do : talk . the movie sets up its ( microscopic ) plot with beat-a-dead-horse-into-glue obviousness . the evening talks at the camp are chaired by a motherly type named maggie , a self-professed lesbian , and when noel owns up to also being a lesbian , claire looks like she's been hit with a sockful of wet sand . the movie then quickly degenerates into lots of scenes where noel glances at claire with significance , and claire looks out over the water reflectively . ( ugh ! ) the most amazing thing about the movie is how people so intelligent can talk so much and yet get so little through their thick heads . all of this , of course , leads up to a scene of complete inevitability : claire and noel , in a scene that should have come an hour earlier , because then the movie ends without even the benefit of reflection about what's just happened . we never get a hint about how any of this has changed anyone , only how they felt about things that didn't even happen yet . the problem with claire . . . is not lesbianism as such , but the leaden way it's handled . why is it that any " serious " ( a better word would be adult or at least thoughtful ) examination of sex in a movie almost always winds up producing a movie that's unwatchably boring ? the way this movie deals with lesbianism , we might as well be watching an overheated docudrama about aids . many other movies have used the same subject in ways that are a thousand times better -- more engaging , more creative , more intellectually and artistically interesting . look at john sayles' lianna , or the interesting and little-seen desert bloom ; both of them have more life and vibrancy than claire . what this movie needed was a good swift kick in the pants .

when i first heard of contact , the hype was building it up as a sci-fi blockbuster . now , with that in mind , coupled with the knowledge of jodie foster's involvement in the project , i thought " what in the world is foster doing in a sci-fi blockbuster ? ? ? " . as it turned out , my expectations were completely nullified and turned topsy-turvy . robert zemeckis , back from the euphoria created by his last film , forrest gump , once again proves his mastery in fusing tales of adventure with along the endearing lines of human spirit . don't get me wrong , contact is sci-fi ? but with a definite difference . based on the late carl sagan novel of the same name , the story delves itself in questions on science and god ; fact and faith . allie ( foster ) is a radio astronomer . she spends her time listening to the stars , via ultra-huge communication dishes in search of intelligent life beyond the solar system . her passion for `long-distance communication' is the result of her younger days being spent avidly in front of a ham-radio system ( a hobbyist radio communication device ) which her late-father bought for her . a scene which particularly strengthens the audiences' view of the passion is when she asked her father whether she could contact her late-mother through the ham-radio system in which her father replied " not even the most powerful radio in the world can do that , now " . allie's research is based on the seti project ( search for extra terrestrial intelligence ) , in which she listens to radio emissions from other galaxies in the hope of finding one which would suggest intelligent manipulation . her work has never been off the scrutiny of the us government , which considers it a waste of taxpayer's money and politically unviable , her supervisor ( tom skerritt ) pulls the plug on seti . undaunted , allie managed to gather a loyal group of `believers' and eventually found funding from a large private corporation . the following months were treacherous to their hopes and research as they are contantly pressured by the government but all that changed when one day , she caught an emission of a seemingly intelligent repeating sound-wave . the news of her find attracted hordes of alien believers , cultist , the media and of course , the government . the situation became intense upon her discovery of pictorial plans on building a form of transport which were embedded within the repeating sound emission . as the world join forces to build this transport , allie is desperate to be the one to go . she enrols herself among a few hopefuls , to represent the world when the transport is ready for operation . her eligibility for the spot failed when she is questioned on her beliefs in the existence of god by the president's spiritual advisor ( mcconaughey ) ; allie , being an atheist , a result of her belief in fact and science , refuses to budge upon questioning . at this point the movie plot thickens considerably as she is romantically involved with the president's spiritual advisor . a strong point which propelled the movie is the depth of its main characters played by foster and mcconaughey . from the very first meeting scene , it is obvious that the two of them was sort of kindred spirits but they were worlds apart in almost all aspects , foster being a person drawn to science and facts and mcconaughey being one who believes in faith , hope and the power of the unseen . the meeting of their worlds , added with the situation which they are put into makes the entire storytelling process near flawless . many people who read the synopsis of this film would find it a tad too ridiculous , but by actually immersing yourself in it , gives you an entirely different perspective ; one which is free from bias and pre-conceptions . zemeckis and his team of screen writers have done a remarkable job in telling this tale through film . contact works by not delving in controversy but rather , touches the thinking audience , urging them to ponder upon the questions raised in the film concerning fact and faith ; whether one can actually find compromise within . i consider contact as one of the must-sees for this year .

virtual reality is a topic that has almost defined its own genre . since 'dark city' ( 1998 ) , films about alternative universes and parallel worlds have been coming one after another . the most popular and original of them all has been the matrix . all the films released after it , have been less successful . david cronenberg's existenz , released only a couple of months after the matrix , was accepted and even appreciated ( by some ) , but the hype was gone . and when 'the thirteenth floor' aired this fall , it was completely overseen and ignored . i admit that this issue has become something between tiring and annoying , feeling like eating the same meal over and over again . it was therefore i was less than excited , when i went out to see to 'the thirteenth floor' . however , i was positively surprised by josef rusnak's latest picture . matrix was an entertaining thrill ride through dreams and reality , combining the best of hollywood's action and effects with an intelligent story . existenz was a violent , gory and unsettling journey through reality and virtual reality , ending in blood and madness . 'the thirteenth floor' is somewhere in between . instead of going after the crowds - the action audience ( like the matrix ) , or aiming at the horror fans ( like existenz ) , 'the thirteenth floor' presents a more intelligent plot , witch will provide a less entertaining and more serious experience , that the true science fiction lovers will find rewarding . in a near future . . . on the thirteenth floor of a classified building , a genius scientist , hannon fuller , has created a simulated world , his personal dreamworld , where every inhabitant is a complex , selflearning program that only believes it is real . right after the first testing of this world , fuller ( ) is found murdered . douglas hall ( ) , his closest friend and business partner , immediately becomes the prime suspect and must enter through the thirteenth floor in search of the truth . a beautiful woman ( gretchen mol ) who suddenly appears on the scene may hold the key to the mystery , which might unravel the horrifying truth about his own existence . the first " download into simulation " is impressive . it is the creator's first visit to his world , his creation . in order to enter this virtual universe , you have to take over someone's identity , become another person . this is called conciseness transfer , and this is part of the tragedy in the film : people " wake up " in unknown places and strange things start happen . they start to doubt in their own sanity . these innocent people pay for the mistakes of their " users " and creators with their sanity and their lives . it is a frightening reality ; the fact that all the people in the simulation ( the program links ) are living out their lives , oblivious , not knowing that they are puppets in someone's fantasy . with an appealing ( " blade runner " - type ) of detective story , this film presents the beauty and possibilities of virtual reality and the lurking danger that is always present . our modern world is metal and glass -- cold , unfriendly , impersonal . the thirties are different -- colorful , beautiful , elegant , virile . this contrast demonstrates a wish for change . virtual reality is here portrayed as a magical , enchanting power that seduces you into its endless possibilities . to some it is just a journey to their personal paradise , to some a personal playground -- a life without any consequences . for others - a way to start over and " correct " their mistakes , by living in an illusion of their past . virtual reality is a wizard that transforms your hopes , dreams and fantasies to life . at least that's how it is all beginning . but when you're waking up from your dream , the real world seems worthless and unreal and all you can think off is returning to your personal paradise . this , almost narcotic effect , soon turns into confusion and ultimately madness . some important and interesting philosophical questions are raised -- what is real ? what is thought ? who are we ? if these were answered , this film would be the greatest science fiction ever made . they are off course not answered , but posed in an intelligent manner . the visual aspect of the film is one of the key elements , since it portrays the contrast between these computer-simulated universes . kirk m . petrucelli has done a marvelous job with the recreation of the thirties with its glamour , grace and color ; and setting this world in opposition to our own -- an almost caricatured recreation of the nineties . there are some honest and decent performances by an almost unknown cast and harald klose's moody musical score that is at in right place at the right time . a rather unusual thing about'the thirteenth floor' is the almost complete lack of special effects . there are no cgi animated creatures , no bullets in slow motion . this is a more philosophical approach , reminding about the european way of filmmaking . this is off course a major disappointment to the audience that is used to endless gunfights and mutated amphibians , but the more serious science fiction buffs and 'dark city'-fans will be pleased . this film is interesting and inspiring . it has everything existenz doesn't , but it lacks the immediacy and intensity of the matrix . and then there is a happy end which , like in 'dark city' , completely alienates it from the rest of the story and context . the plot itself is not as original as the filmmakers want us to think , since they have virtually sucked out all information from the best science fiction classics , including blade runner and 'dark city' . with this in mind , 'the thirteenth floor' doesn't make an oscar candidate or a film that will be remembered a year from now , yet this is a beautiful , elegant and intelligent take on virtual reality .

some movies require you to turn off your brain in order to watch . then there are movies that require you to accept that everyone * in * the movie has turned off * their * brains . the real mccoy is both . it's charmless , molasses-slow and so full of genuinely stupid people that the film commission of atlanta , where the real mccoy is set , might well consider some sort of ritual suicide for their complicity in this humiliation . the real mccoy opens with bank robber karen mccoy ( kim basinger ) being arrested in the middle of a job . six years later , karen is out on parole and looking to stay straight . she soon bumps into j . t . barker ( val kilmer ) , a hapless would-be thief who idolizes karen . j . t . also has ties to jack schmidt ( terence stamp ) , the man who blew the whistle on karen six years earlier for refusing to work with him . schmidt , who is in cahoots with karen's sleazy parole officer ( gailard sartain ) , again wants karen to help him stage a robbery . this time he has some leverage : karen's kidnapped son . just when she thought she was out , they keep pulling her back * in . * contrivances and sloppy plotting fly off the screen so fast and furiously you have to duck to avoid being hit by them . leading the list is the jack schmidt character , who through unexplained but presumably foul mains is already extremely wealthy when our story begins . there is no reason given why he should need or want to get involved in another crime , let alone why he would actually participate in the break-in . karen's initial encounter with j . t . during a botched convenience store hold-up also strains the limits of credibility . it would have been simple enough to have them somehow entangled at that point , but instead they run into each other the next day because they're leaving their parole officers at exactly the same moment . small world , eh ? then there's the convenient car trouble during an attempted escape , and pet tigers which , through the power of the laws of bad cinema , must inevitably confront someone who has blundered into their cage . however , the buffoon prize goes to the atlanta police , who come off like the keystone kops on a bad day . but the fun doesn't end there in the shambles of a script by william davies and william osborne . there is also the absence of a single , solitary interesting character . karen is earnest and single-minded in her motherly devotion , but lacking any kind of edge which would make her a convincing criminal , and basinger is not a thespian adept at fleshing out flimsy material . schmidt is a flaccid villain , the parole officer is a complete blank , and karen's son and ex-husband might as well be furniture . only kilmer's j . t . is remotely appealing , but his one potentially intriguing quality , his ineptitude , is never developed . in fact , kilmer disappears during the middle of the film , just when his admiration for karen could have made for an interesting sub-plot . i might have been more forgiving if the pacing had been more appropriate to a caper comedy , but the real mccoy goes nowhere fast . various scenes of sneaking and skulking seem to take forever , and some end with no reason evident why they didn't end up on the cutting room floor . even the reasonably clever climactic break-in falls victim to this syndrome , including a scene of one of the thieves drilling open a vault which lasts ( i kid you not ) four minutes . there is no tension in the scene , just tedium . russell mulcahy ( highlander ) is a director with some style , and indeed the real mccoy looks reasonably good , but he completely stumbles in the editing room . there are so many big problems with the real mccoy that i'm tempted to overlook the little ones . like karen disarming one of schmidt's henchmen and throwing his gun into the middle of a park where her son is playing . like a fountain crushed when a van runs into it reappearing in one piece a few moments later . tempted . but i'm pretty good at resisting temptation .

an entertaining 2 hours awaits the audience in this film set in the early 80's . sevigny and beckinsale play disco chicks alice and charlotte , who are on the lookout for love . alice is mousy , shy , intellectual , charlotte is bitchy , out-going and fun . we join their adventures as they go through a variety of adventures , and men , all to the background of the local disco . whit stillman has both written and directed an interesting and believable story . alice and charlotte are both well written characters , and the actresses who play them aren't bad aswell . sevigny delivers an honest performance , and makes the audience feel for her character . beckinsale plays extreme bitch personified , yet her character never becomes completely unlikeable . the huge supporting cast also play a part in making sure this movie is thoroughly entertaining . the dialogue is sharp and well written , with many funny set pieces . for example , there's a great discussion about lady & the tramp by the main characters . the disco tunes playing in the background also make sure that this admittedly long film is good fun . the direction is good , bringing out the drama and comedy in the scenes . but their are slight flaws with the movie . firstly , although it is supposedly set in the 80's , the characters are very , very 90's . the way they dress and act have a very 90's feel to them . although the male hairstyles look slightly 80's , frankly the 80's atmosphere just wasn't conveyed , which is a shame . also , as mentioned above , the film is too long , and some parts do lag . the charm of the characters do help these moments , but generally the editing could of been a bit tighter . the plot also side-tracks into a silly cocaine dealing bust , which seemed out of place in this movie . finally , their are almost too many characters in the film , and despite the running time , the film never really spends enough time on them . some of the characters are very slight , which is a shame . the conclusion , while funny , is also surprisingly weak , and certainly not strong enough . but despite these qualms , the last days of disco is a funny , warm movie , which is certainly worth seeing , and is a fitting homage to the disco era of the 80's . worth a look . overall rating= review by david wilcock ? 1998 " you know , for kids " - norville barnes

i know what i would do with $4 . 4 million if i found it in a previously undiscovered airplane crash site , especially if i were with jacob and lou . ( huh ? ) well , in any event , that is the situation hank ( paxton ) finds himself in . he and his dim-witted brother jacob ( thorton ) and tubby friend lou ( brent briscoe ) come upon a large bag of cash inside a plane wreck . against his better judgement , hank decides to go along with the idea of keeping it rather than going to the authorities . the rest of the film is a question of who is going to die to keep this a secret , and is it worth it ? a simple wish lies along the lines of very bad things , clay pigeons and even fargo , and is kind of wrapped all into one little dark bundle . oh , and its much better than any of those . sam raimi took a departure from his normal freak-show horror-monkey films and made this stylish and intriguing picture . he really lets the audience sit back and watch the events unfold rather than force them down our throats as many directors prefer to do . i think raimi knew he had a winner on his hands and decided to direct the picture on a natural flowing course . one of the film's components can be linked to a recurring theme in terrence malick's the thin red line . in malick's three hour bore-a-thon , he makes an interesting attempt to link mother earth to his war story . it seemed nothing more than an occasional pretty cut to a field of flowing grass , a small bird , or a flowing body of water . sure , there were obvious metaphorical connections , but there was no subtlty to his efforts . raimi does a fine job of tying in a fox in a chicken coop and birds of prey to signify the future of the characters . i think most viewers may miss the comparison , but it is a very intriguing ingredient in the film . and then there's billy bob thorton , who is proof that the independent film industry is vital to the life blood of hollywood . if it can continute to produce people like thorton , hollywood will be ok . he gives a fantastic and devastatingly deep performance here . it is not as engrossing as his carl childers character in slingblade , but is is just as complex , if not more so . jacob is slow and simple , and yet we so often see him deep in thought . i wondered if he was thinking about things that he would never say ( or didn't know how to say ) or if he was just taking a long time to think about the thing he just said . here he really proves his worth as one of the best character actors in the industry . though the plot is somewhat unoriginal , it has a very appealing new twist in its characters . paxton gives one of the better performances of his career as the straight and serious leader of the group ( a far cry from chet in wierd science ) . perhaps bridget fonda is miscast as his advice-giving wife , but she certainly doesn't do anything ruin the picture . a simple plan can be included in the group of recent small hollywood films that is just dark and pretty un-redeeming . but at least this one has an important message , unlike so many of its counterparts .

garry shandling makes his long overdue starring film debut as an alien from a planet populated only by genetically created men , who are looking to take over the earth by propagating their own species there . shandling is chosen for the mission , is given the name harold anderson , and is set up as a banker in seattle . after a few disastrous " mating " attempts , he figures his best bet will be susan ( annette bening ) , a former alcoholic who eventually tells harold that she won't have sex again until she gets married . the leader of harold's planet ( ben kingsley ) tells him to marry her , and harold is soon exposed to all the " joys " of married life . despite its title and premise which seem to imply that this is some jerry lewis vehicle from the late 1960s , what planet are you from ? is a very funny movie . the plot ( which the film wisely doesn't linger on the specifics of for too long ) is of course nothing more than framework for the jokes , most of which work very well . the material may be considered crude and tasteless by many , and i might have thought so as well had shandling not been the lead . but he brings a sort of pathetic charm to the role , and it's his performance that makes the film truly funny instead of just offensive . plus if you think about it , what planet are you from ? could have very easily gone the gross-out route ( considering that shandling's character is given a detachable penis that vibrates and hums when he gets excited ) . we never see anything though , it's all implied , which gives the film a touch of class amidst its crudeness . i'm glad to see that someone in hollywood still understands the concept of " less is more " . the talented supporting cast certainly adds to one's enjoyment of this film . annette bening ( oddly playing a merged version of her real estate salesman character from american beauty and her ditzy spiritualist character from mars attacks ! ) does a fine job keeping up with shandling and makes a good catalyst for his brand of humor . she even manages to pull off a potentially disastrous scene where she has to perform a rather goofy rendition of " high hopes " for a lengthy period of time . ben kingsley , john goodman and greg kinnear all fare well in their performances as well , and linda fiorentino . . . good lord , there should be some sort of law stating that no woman can be that sexy . everything about her character in this film oozes raw sexuality . what planet are you from ? is available on dvd from columbia tristar home video . the disc gives you the choice of either watching the film full frame or in its original theatrical aspect ratio of 1 . 85 : 1 ( and enhanced for 16x9 televisions . also included on the disc as extras : a decent making-of featurette , an isolated score track , talent files for the cast and crew , and the film's original theatrical trailer ( as well as trailers for wolf , men in black , bugsy and as good as it gets ) . when i first saw that the disc featured an isolated score track , i actually laughed . how great could the music for a silly little comedy be for it to get it's own isolated track ? well as it turns out , it's a mighty fine score from carter burwell ( fargo , the hudsucker proxy ) that i enjoyed listening to again while i typed up this review . kudos to columbia tristar for adding that feature to the disc . what planet are your from ? was unjustly ignored in theaters , and i hope it finds its deserved audience on home video . this fine dvd is certainly a great way to see it . [r]

i was anxious to see this for a long time . a friend of mine recommended this to me because he has a crush on neve campbell , and he wanted to prove that she's as hot as he thinks he is . he proved it for me all right , but the reasons i enjoy this film go way beyond that . scream treads on familar ground , horror movie with , as star neve campbell puts it , " some stupid killer stalking some big breasted girl who can't act who's always running up the stairs when she should be running out the front door . " it's very familar , your typical horror film . so why , you may ask after watching it , does it seem so new and original ? because it treats itself as if it hasn't been done before , and thus the viewer is disilusioned into believing that it is not old , familar tired stuff . this raises another question : how does it do this ? simple : the characters . they're not your typical stupid horror film victims who don't know what the hell to do when being chased by a guy in a ski mask and a machette . they are horror fans , they know how stuff happens in a horror movie , they know what to do and what not to do , and that makes it scary , and even funny at certain times . you can tell this just by watching the opening scene where casey becker ( drew barrymore ) is making popcorn , getting ready to watch a video , and some guy who sounds like a killer calls her up to play a game with her that involves horror movie triva that , if she gets it wrong , will get her and her boyfriend killed . she knows what to answer when he asks her horror film questions , she just can't answer his final question , " what door am i at ? " and that gets her killed . that scene works because in a normal horror film , half the things that happen in that scene would never happen . the plot is typical horror stuff : sidney prescott ( an impressive neve campbell ) , an attractive young high school student who's mother was killed a year ago tommorrow , is being stalked by a killer who's previously murdered one of her classmates ( casey , naturally ) , and everybody in this small , california town is a suspect , including sidney's boyfriend , billy loomis . but as i said before , these people know how horror movies work , and that's what makes it so appealing . that and the references to horror movies , like when casey says , " the first ( nightmare on elm street ) was scary , but the rest sucked . " which is obviously director wes craven ( who does a good job of poking fun of the genre that made him a legend ) patting himself on the back as he directed the first nightmare movie and none of the others , and when tatum , sidney's friend , mentions the director , wes carpenter , which is obviously an homage by writer kevin williamson to not only craven , but also director john carpenter . the cast is well chosen , neve campbell pulls off a good heroine ( and unlike most horror film heroines , she * can * act ) , drew barrymore does a good janet leigh impression for what little time she has in the film , and david arquette is impressive . also good ( and funny ) in his role is henry winkler ( " the fonz " ) as the school principal . i took half a point off for the unnecessary ( albeit limited ) appearance by friends' courteney cox as reporter , gail edwards , sidney's rival because she covered her mother's disappearance . i hate that show , i hate those actors . they're untalented , overexposed , and overpaid , imho , and i would think wes craven is smart enough to know those actors are overexposed enough , but i suppose he isn't .

some movies i should just skip . my daughter and i had a really vile time at my favorite martian a few weeks back , and here comes another disney effects-filled live-action flick based on an old tv program . true , the probgram is only 15 years old this time , and it's a cartoon . but it's a cartoon i liked , and i was understandably reluctant to see what disney had done to it on the big screen . but my daughter really wanted to go , and how bad could it be ? turns out i was right , mostly . inspector gadget , oddly enough , follows almost exactly the same format as my favorite martian , down to the jive-talking side-kick . at first i thought it was done by the same people , but imdb informs me that ig was directed by david kellogg and written by dana olsen and kerry ehrin , where mfm was directed by donald petrie and written by sherri stoner and deanna oliver . this odd similarity between the two movies may best be explained by the studio that produced it , where " formula " isn't just business , it's a way of life . the producers who obviously micromanaged the two projects should get prominant screen credits . in some parts you can just hear them saying " more zany ! i want more zany here -- and -- here . " " let's have a really painful sexual reference for no reason right here -- make it really painful . i want the audience squirming in their seats . " " ok , that's fine , but i want you to add bug guts . " " what does this scene do ? character depth ? but where's the zaniness ? i don't see zany here . if you can't make it zany , cut it ! " the latter is the only explanation i can come up with for the absence of the thoroughly charming michelle trachtenberg for most of the movie . michelle ( who plays penny , gadget's niece ) shines in every scene she's in , but unfortunately she only gets about nine minutes of screen time . my guess is that the rest is on the cutting room floor . dabney coleman's comedic talents are utterly wasted as chief quimby . i kept expecting him to say or do something really funny and somehow save the film , but instead , he does the best he can with some really poor lines in a few unexceptional scenes . he is thoroughly upstaged by cheri oteri as the " gidget bitch from hell " town mayor . oteri's overly enthusiastic and continually self-congratulatory speech patterns and mannerisms were so much like portland , oregon's own manic mayor vera katz that i had to wonder if the studio wasn't poking fun at our fair town . or , maybe all career politicians are like that . i must say , matthew broderick does not stroll through inspector gadget as he did godzilla . he appears to have some fun with the film , especially as the evil gadget . rupert everett is entertaining as the maniacle claw . joely fisher does fine as the zany scientist and even better as the zany carbon copy of herself . her performance is one of the few things worth watching in the film . d . l . hughley plays the shuckin'-and-jivin' vehicular side-kick , in a role that firmly sets emancipation back 20 years . the dialog is . . . let's face it , it's pretty bad . the tag-line after a major set-piece battle is a faux pas that makes no sense in context . a lot of the lines ( especially hughley's ) appear to be made up as they go along , by people with little gift for ad-lib . about three-quarters of the film is a somewhat unnecessary origin story for both gadget and claw . gadget then spends the latter third of the movie trying to locate claw and having various altercations ( not really " battles " ) with the evil gadget . penny does about a minute and a half of the detective work her character did every week in the cartoon . let me rage here just for a minute . michelle trachtenberg was an excellent choice for the penny character . she's utterly charming , and has excellent experience ( harriet the spy ) for the part of the pint-size detective . why she is so underutilized in this film is a real mystery . the film loses a star for casting brilliance coupled with scripting ( or editing ) stupidity . inspector gadget is missing the long , long stretches of potty humor that ( among other things ) made my favorite martian so unbearable , but it's a very short movie , so perhaps something was cut at the last moment . probably the best scenes in the film occur during the end credits . the " evil sidekick support group " is especially worth seeing , and has an amazing number of cameo appearances for the few seconds it's onscreen . all in all , another bad live action film from the premere studio for bad live action films . i wonder if disney uses the revenues for it's generally money-making cartoons to produce these losers . but if true , why ? if they're trying for another mary poppins , they need to find a team that can produce one , and then give them a chance to do it .

in recent years , harrison ford has been such a grave screen presence , scowling through the likes of tom clancy's jack ryan series , _the_fugitive_ , and last year's smash _air_force_one_ , that one wonders if the rogue charm that made him such a superstar had been completely drained from his system . apparently , it was just lying dormant . with ivan reitman's enjoyable romantic comedy/adventure _six_days , _seven_nights_ , the lovable scoundrel is back , giving audiences a fresh reminder of why ford is one of the most enduring and popular modern screen icons . ford plays quinn harris , a carefree and slightly slobby ( endearingly so ) pilot in the tropics whose broken-down plane crashes in a storm , stranding him and his charter , new york magazine editor robin monroe ( anne heche ) , on a deserted island . of course , the sophisticated robin and the salt-of-the-earth quinn are at odds long before the plane goes down , and all manner of hostile repartee is exchanged between the two from their first meeting . while some of the lines fall flat , the formulaic motions work because of the unexpectedly electric chemistry between ford and heche . both actors , who have largely done serious works as of late , seem liberated by the lack of dramatic weight on their shoulders , and they deliver their zingers , as weak as they sometimes are , with beguiling abandon . naturally , there's nothing like a life-threatening crisis to bring two people together , and quinn and robin's warmup to each other is sped up even further by the arrival of some bloodthirsty pirates . granted , some conflict needed to be introduced on the island , but this tacked-on development from writer michael browning is a bit too obviously thrown in for the purpose of adding gratuitous action scenes . but the point is to get the two together , and their newfound affection causes complications for both , but mostly robin , who came to the islands on a vacation with her fiance frank ( david schwimmer ) , who frantically awaits her return on the home island . reitman , and old , reliable hand at breezy comedies , keeps the pace brisk and capably handles the more action-oriented sequences . his big accomplishment , however , is bringing the old , smiling ford back . as appealing and charismatic as he always is , ford hasn't been quite this charming and affable in years ; he's obviously having a blast , and the audience cannot help but have one along with him . holding her own is heche , whose scrappy character never becomes the screaming ninny she initially promises to be ( as the plane goes down , she frantically pops stress pills ) . she can take her lumps , physical and otherwise , just as well as quinn , making her a formidable foil and ideal match . formulaic and light as a feather , _six_days , _seven_nights_ could be cited as a classic example of the summer " popcorn " movie season's lack of substance . it's certainly fluff , but it's unpretentious , undemanding , and--most importantly--fun fluff that goes down as easily as a frothy pina colada on a balmy tropical beach . pass the popcorn .

david cronenberg presents us with another strange tale crawling out of his impressively twisted head . it is one of many science fiction films , released during the last year of this millenium , that tackles issues that will play an important role in our future . the story unfolds in a near future , where the line between reality and virtual reality blurs . the world of the future is an unfriendly place , where the scared inhabitants are " hiding " in virtual reality fantasy games to escape the uncertainty of the real world . allegra geller ( jennifer jason leigh ) , the leading game designer in the world , is testing her new virtual reality game , existenz with a focus group . as they begin , she is attacked by a fanatic assassin employing a bizarre organic gun . she flees with a young marketing trainee , ted pikul ( jude law ) , who is suddenly assigned as her bodyguard . unfortunately , her pod , an organic gaming device that contains the only copy of the existenz game program , is damaged . to inspect it , she talks ted into accepting a gameport in his own body so he can play the game with her . the events leading up to this , and the resulting game lead the pair on a strange adventure in a world where individuality doesn't exist , as the " players " are forced to perform as characters in an unknown plot . here the reality and their actions are impossible to determine from either their own or the game's perspective . i don't intend to reveal more of the film's premise , which is structured as a computer game , with " tasks " that the characters must complete to win the game . released after " the matrix " and " dark city " , " existenz " has some similarities and parallels that connect it to these films . however , " existenz " is moving in a different direction , with a premise of its own . a combination of dazzling special effects , brilliantly coordinated action sequences and an intelligent and sophisticated plot , made " the matrix " a rare and entertaining science fiction experience , with some dark and frightening ideas hidden under its sparkling facade . " existenz " has a completely different atmosphere , resembling " dark city " , which is darker , more serious and less entertaining . " existenz " has the opportunities and potential , but the enormous possibilities are never quite explored . after the engaging beginning , it starts to falter . while i was watching the film , many left the theatre during the first hour . and indeed , " existenz " seemed as a complete failure : the actors seemed unreal , the plot and dialogue silly , unfinished relationships and unexplained events followed one after another . but the last fifteen minutes lifted the film on a complete different level , explaining all past events , the silly dialogue and the unreal performances within a few scenes . and jet the film fails on several issues . probably the best written character in the story is a game designer , who would rather spend the rest of her life in a virtual world , than face real life . this is a great possibility to create a magnificent character , and jennifer jason leigh stretches cronenberg's script to the limits , but fails because the advantages of virtual reality in comparison to the real world are never shown . existenz is not a world of which you might dream about in your fantasies . it is not a world worth sacrificing your life for . it's a cold , dark place where the " players " are forced to interrelate with unreal characters , eat mutated creatures and even murder against their own will . it doesn't look like a place worth even thinking about . david cronenberg has been the creator of " the fly " , " videodrome " and " the dead zone " , so it's not so hard to guess that " existenz " is a violent and gory film . besides the regular murders of innocent people , the audiences can enjoy an autopsy of a two-headed mutated amfibium . scenes like that have become a trademark for cronenberg and it seems that he can't make a film without flowing blood and foul creatures . the way i see it , this is the film's crucial failure . it is impossible for cronenbergto create a beautiful world where time , space and problems of our everyday life do not exist ; a place of blooming blossoms , green forests and clear waters ; a place really worth sacrificing your life for . because of its lack of three dimensionality , the film looses most of its possibilities , but stays afloat because of some interesting scenes , amusing performances ( especially by willem dafoe ) and one interesting and important thought , depicted in many different ways throughout the movie . during the film , the audience is as confused as the characters : detached from their everyday existence and no longer able to see the difference between the real world and the alternative reality that they have created . " the matrix " , despite of its many dark and disturbing thoughts , ends with a light at the end of the tunnel . " existenz " does not . it is a one time experience , ending in blood , gore and madness - a rather frightening forecast for tomorrow .