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stephen , please post if appropriate . " mafia ! " - crime isn't a funny business by homer yen ( c ) 1998 on a particular night when i found myself having some free time , i had a chance to either go to sleep early or to see " mafia ! " , a spoof of mafia and crime films such as " the godfather , " " goodfellas " and " casino " . at 84 minutes in length , i thought that i could enjoy a few laughs before getting a good nights sleep . but by my account , i think that my laff-o-meter only registered a few grins , one giggle , and maybe one chortle . i suppose that you could justify your time as homage to the venerable hollywood star , lloyd bridges , who just recently passed away and whose last performance was in this film . " mafia ! " chronicles vincenzo cortino's ( lloyd bridges ) life . separated from his family when he was young , he escapes to america and tries to live an honest life . but as fate would have it , vincenzo grows up to be a powerful and klutzy crime lord . following in his footsteps are his two sons , joey ( billy burke ) and anthony ( jay mohr ) . like all siblings in powerful crime families , they squabble over power , the future of the family , fortune , and women . " mafia ! " is co-written by jim abrahams , who also contributed to some gut-busting funny spoofs such as " airplane " and " the naked gun . " but these previous movies were funny because the jokes seemed more universally understood and there was more of a manic silliness at work . as i write this , i also wonder how many people have actually seen the movies on which this spoof is based . crime movies in general contain a lot of profanity and violence . it's a tough genre to parody . i was kind of hoping that they could somehow spoof the profanity used in all of those crime movies , maybe by having all of the tough crime lords say " please " as they decide which sector to take over , but this opportunity was never explored . there were one or two moments that made me smile such as the scene where vincenzo is dancing with his newly wed daughter-in-law . a gunman shoots him several times . the impact of the bullets cause him to make these wild contortions that force the wedding band to change music styles to keep up with him , from the samba to disco to the macarena . i think that i just gave away the best part of the film . oh well , that just means that you can go to sleep a little earlier .

the cartoon is way better . that's the bottom line on disney's incredibly hyped live action version of its 1961 animated feature . the alliance between disney and slapstick king john hughes has produced a frenetic " home alone " with puppies , and not much else . when production of this remake was announced , the big question seemed to be " why ? the original cartoon still works , so what's the point ? " the answer , it appears , is to give disney an excuse for yet another massive merchandising campaign . the story , for those of you who missed childhood , is simple . two dalmatians , pongo and perdy , fall in love at first sight . they drag their " human pets " together , and in a short time both couples marry . the heavenly match-ups turn chaotic when pongo and perdy's new-born pups are stolen ; their dog-napping engineered by the evil cruella devil , who wants them for their pelts . everyone in the animal kingdom then joins in a frantic effort to save the puppies . in the original movie , the animated pooches had a broad range of facial expressions and distinct personalities . we also could hear them talk , which quickly established a crucial element to the charm of the film , the dog's view of humans as their pets . in the new version , the dogs are mute and expressionless . hughes attempts to give them character with repeated shots of the dalmatians draping their heads over each other and licking their faces and necks . while he drew the desired " aww , they're so cute " reaction from the audience , it was quickly followed by several people whispering " i wonder what kind of food they smeared on the dog's heads to get them licking like that ? " the canines' lack of personality would be easier to take if the human beings had a little . joely richardson and jeff daniels are stunningly bland in their lead roles . in previous films , daniels successfully played off his white bread persona . in " something wild " , he revealed the rebellious thrill-seeker beneath his neutral demeanor . in " terms of endearment " , his hapless appearance masked a cold , manipulative womanizer . here , he and richardson are so consistently bland that it's a wonder their images even stick to the film . glenn close , however , has no problems establishing a distinct personality . as the villainous icon cruella devil , she tears up the screen in a deliciously over-the-top performance . close matches the intensity of the animated cruella by becoming a cartoon herself . with a two-tone fright wig , red gloves with long nails attached to the fingertips , garish animal skin outfits and stiletto heels , close bursts through her scenes like a force of nature . she's clearly having a ball playing this monstrous icon , and her wicked glee is infectious . when she spits out lines like " you've won the battle , but i'm about to win the wardrobe ! , " the film comes briefly to life . " 101 dalmatians " is crammed with john hughes' typical heavy-handed approach to comedy . after an ingenuous opening showing pongo's morning routine as he gets daniels prepared for the day , the film quickly tumbles into lame slapstick as the pooch drags daniels on a careening trek through a city park . a little slapstick goes a long way , but hughes just keeps laying it on . the second half of the film , where local animals team up to rescue 99 nondescript dalmatian puppies from devil and her henchmen , is a tedious home alone clone , with the bad guys enduring a variety of sadistic assaults worthy of an itchy & scratchy cartoon , including a thug getting his testicles fried on an electric fence . " 101 dalmatians " has cute puppies and a hoot of a performance from glenn close , but not enough to warrant enduring third rate slapstick , bland characters , and unconvincing animatronic raccoons high-fiving one another . rent the cartoon !

there's a good , and timely , story trapped deep within the excess of murder in the first , a new movie about the abuses of our prison system . with a country wrapped up in feverish debate over the crime issue and the rights of the accused and the incarcerated in jeopardy , this expose would offer something rare to recent american movies--a point of view . but director marc rocco makes it clear from the beginning that pretentious , often nauseating , camera movements and slick , mtv- style lighting and editing are far more important . there's not a moment in the picture where he surrenders technique for pure storytelling . and everything suffers . christian slater and kevin bacon star as defense attorney and alcatraz inmate , respectively . after spending an unprecedented amount of time in an isolated cell for attempting to escape , bacon murders another prisoner and faces trial . his young lawyer ( slater ) is fresh out of law school but determined to " put alcatraz on trial " for the abuses of it warden ( gary oldman ) . the result is the usual courtroom theatrics- imagine a stanley kramer production shot by hyperactive film school students . there's very little to praise here outside of kevin bacon's earnest overacting and the appropriate story . there's a lot of overacting from everyone--you know you're in trouble right away when r . lee ermey ( the drill sergeant in full metal jacket ) is cast as a judge , the center of reason and moderation . slater has never been convincing and certainly isn't here and oldman is on a bad streak of hammy performances . but the worst feeling you get while watching murder in the first is that the man behind the camera could care less about telling a good story . there are long exchanges of dialogue where the camera is not even moving near the characters , let alone with them . how frustrating it must be for actors to work under these conditions . if there's anything that has alway distinguished american films over the rest of the world , it is our ability to tell a good story . have we forgotten ?

the above is dialogue from this film , taken almost completely in context , and not jazzed up a bit to make it more inept than it is . it is spoken between two of the protagonists somewhere in the film , and basically serves as a perfect example of what this film is about , especially if you realize that this exchange is meant to be taken seriously . mr . gregg " i'm-having-a-mid-life-crisis " araki , the writer and director of this film , wants to show how important teenagers are , and wants to show how they feel in such a horrible , horrible world . and how does he show it ? by really cheap surrealism , and moronic exchanges like this . oh , and it gets better . a similar bit of dialogue is said in the middle of , oh i dunno , the fiftieth sex scene in this film ( i'm not counting the several masturbation scenes ) . in it , one of the protagonists is humping away on top of another , and he says to her something along the lines of " do you ever wonder what life is all about ? " sorry , man : foreplay takes place before the act of coitus . of course , what do you expect : the film was written and directed by a guy who can't even spell his first name right ( yes , i know it's a cheap joke , but it had to be done ) . " the doom generation " is advertised as a road trip movie about people who go around killing others who attack them , and also as another " teen angst " film ( one of the slogans is " teen is a four-letter word " - hardy har har ) . it's a film about two angsty teens - amy blue ( rose macgowan , who would later play the buxom tatum in " scream " ) and jordon white ( james duval , who would go on to play randy quaid's son in " independence day " ) - who pick up an angsty homicidal maniac , xavier red ( jonathan schaech , who would go on to play the angsty lead guitarist in " that thing you do ! " - and by the way , do you get the symbolism ? red , white , and blue ? huh ? huh ? ) , and go on a road trip where three things happen , in no order : 1 ) they have sex ; 2 ) they run into weird people ; 3 ) they kill them . the film is basically a remix of a bunch of other far superior films . gregg araki obviously has seen such films as " easy rider , " " natural born killers , " and " kalifornia , " and tries to borrow elements from all these films and make something which is like a pop culture reference guide . but what he forgets is these films either represented something that this film does not , or that they dug deep into their subjects and brought something out of them to make them deeper . " the doom generation " doesn't want to do this ; it just wants to show everything in a surreal manner for the sole reason that araki does not want to deal with them on any kind of real level . he wants to show everything in a weird manner , and forgets what the scenes are supposed to be about . here's one scene , an earlier scene in the film : amy and jordan go into a quick-e mart type place to get food and other stuff . amy is smoking , and the clerk , an asian man mind you ( i love how racist this film is , i really do ) , tells her to put it out . she tells him to fuck off or something to that note . he points a shotgun at her , and she puts it out reluctantly . jordan makes two hot dogs , and takes them to the counter . the cash register rings up " 6 . 66 " ( oh , and this symbolism doesn't stop here ) . jordan checks for his wallet but it's really in the car . he asks amy for it , but she left her wallet in the car as well . the clerk brings out his shotgun again and asks for the money . they say they don't have it . he gets ready to kill them , but then xavier , who they ditched in the middle of nowhere a scene before , pops out of nowhere , fights with the clerk , and ends with him blowing the clerk's head clean off ( clean wound , mind you ) . the head is shown flying through the air , and lands in a fryer , where it begins to scream . i don't really object to this kind of sick violence , but this scene is in the film for one reason and one reason only : to gross you out . araki thinks that if he takes everything to the extreme , he'll make some kind of art . wrong . it takes a kind of resistance to make gore art . when george romero made " dawn of the dead , " a very gory flick even for today , he had control over everything and still was able to make everything sick . same goes for peter jackson's disgustingly gory " dead alive , " which features a 30 minute long fest of blood , guts , dismemberments , flesh chewing , and other assorted stuff , all ending with a guy with a lawn mower strapped to his body , taking out all sorts of zombies . it was sick , but it was also satirical , and controled . a scene like this has no purpose in the film , and it sticks out from everything else that happens . here's a couple other scenes : jordan and amy have sex in a bath tub and xavier watches , masturbates , and then licks the semen from his hand ; xavier and amy have sex and jordan watches from the window , masturbates , and falls backwards ; a man attacks the trio , and is stabbed in the crotch by a giant sword ( put there just so this could happen ) ; a fast food employee stalks the trio , and his arm is shot off by xavier ; and various other annoyances . also , look for about a million camoes from a wide assortment of people , who probably didn't really know what they were getting into when they signed up to do it ( just like peter o'toole , helen mirren , malcolm macdowell , and john gielgud probably didn't when they signed to be in " caligula " ) . people such as indie actors parker posey and nicky katt , alternative rock stars skinny puppy and perry farrel , hollywood madam heidi fleiss , christopher " peter brady " mcknight , amanda bearse , and margaret cho all grace the screen for a matter of seconds , then disappear so that we can return to the annoying main plot line . why are they here ? so that we can all point to them and say " hey , look it's ( fill in the blank ) ! wow ! " gimme a break . the film's meaning is pretty easy to detect : that , you know , teens are so precious , and the world is such a horrible place , that when the two entities collide , there's a giant explosion of horrific violence . otherwise defined as " teen angst , " or the belief that being a teenager is a horrible thing and that the world is too bad for you . look , i'm 19 years old . i went through a very brief teen angst thing which curiously lasted about as long as my taste in nirvana did . i've since moved on to " i don't really know what to do with my life " phase , but the teen angst phase is something which is so annoyingly sophomoric and ignorant that any film that thinks they're dealing with it on any kind of serious level is just beating the wrong horse . part of being a teen is experimenting , and testing the waters . it's not whining about how awful parents are , and purposely feeling dispondent . this is what the characters in this film do , and the film wants to show how they're these great people who are being punished by the world because they're teenagers , and how they try to defend themselves but can't totally overcome them . it's not their fault they kill people ; it's the world's ! what they really need is a reality check . the world is a bad place , and teenagers can be easily harmed because they are experimenting . but part of it is taking everything that happens to you and learning from it . the film thinks that teenagers are basically doomed , and there's nothing they can do about it . hence the title . not only does it have bad fallacy , but it can't even express this in an intelligent and coherent manner . everything's overly surreal , and all we get are scenes of graphic violence and graphic sex . how does xavier licking semen off his hand express teen angst ? how does a talking decapitated head show that teens are dispondent because the world makes them this way ? and why does the film constantly go back to the teen angst issue of the film ? if araki had any kind of competence in writing or direction , he'd show them for what they really are . and if he didn't want the satirical approach , he'd show the real problems with the world . and if you still don't think that " the doom generation " is incompetent on every single possible level it could be , take the acting . rose macgowan is horrible . yes , she proved herself talented in " scream , " but she's so bad in " the doom generation " that if i had not seen her in " scream , " i would have christened her one of the worst actresses working in films today . her entire performance is one-note ( bitchy ) , and the one scene where she cries over a dead animal is so forced that it's laughable . equally bad is jonathan schaech , who wants to be the slacker serial killer : someone who doesn't have any remorse because emotions cause some kind of strain . his performance is annoying as hell , and granted , he was better in " that thing you do ! " and then there's james duval . let's just say he makes keanu reeves look like brando . he has the same kind of slacker stuttering , only much much much worse , and every line he says is so bad that i have now deemed him " least talented actor in the world . " i have seen lots of bad actors , but james duval has got to be the worst . or at least somewhere up there . here's another example of a bad scene , if you're still not convinced : the film opens up in a club where they're playing nine inch nail's most banal song , " heresy " ( example of the lines : " god is dead/and no one cares/if there is a hell/i'll see you there " ) , and as the song plays , and red strobe lights show the patrons dancing , the film pans over to amy , just standing there , looking dispondent . the film closes in on her , she looks right at the camera and says " fuck . " no explanation of this should be necessary . and finally , a note to gregg : grow up . really . move out of your parent's basement , read something other than salinger , and get a day job . and don't quit it .

possibly the years the most anticipated film and finally it arrives here in the uk . it smashed u . s box office office records in it's opening weekend and will no doubt do the same here . but is it any good ? in a word , no . i'll elaborate further . the story is as follows . apparently there were two islands with dinosaurs on . one where the dinos lived untouched by mankind and the other a tourist attraction which failed before it even opened . ( see jurrasic park . ) imgen , the company that funded jurrasic park , want to reccover their losses by taking more dinos off the other island and move them to a new attraction in san diago . realizing what a bad idea this is , proffessor john hammond ( richard attenborough ) decides to send a team to document the dinosaurs , so as to rally public support to preserve the island . enter familiar mumbling man jeff goldblum who only agrees to go when told his girlfriend is already there . so , basically , what you have is this . two teams , one sent to catch and move some dinosaurs to the mainland and the other , trying to document them , being forced to work together , fighting for survival against the dinosaurs' firm intentions on eating them . a fairly good idea , however it's let down by one slight problem . it's crap . over two hours of chase scenes gets way too boring , way too quiclky . add to this a terrible script and some feeble attempts at some occasional characterisation and you end up very disinterested . it becomes background noise while your mind starts concentrating on things like , 'what's for tea ? ' and 'should you cut the lawn later ? ' ( yes , you should ) . it's a shame then really , that spielberg has lowered himself into making what essentially is a blatant cash in , which adds practically nothing to the far superior jurrasic park . with only a few creative and genuinely tense scenes and fabulous c . g . i dinosaurs ( the t . rex's have to be seen to be believed ) , there is nothing else to recommend the lost world . a very dissapointing sequel , indeed .

in october of 1997 , audiences were dazzled by the horror surprise hit i know what you did last summer . the film went on to gross over 70 million dollars in the u . s . , and even developed a cult following , much like the previous year's 100 million dollar grossing scream . when the trailer hit theaters in september attached to urban legend , it looked like a wonderful follow-up . did it live up to the first film ? the answer is no . jennifer love hewitt returns as julie james , a survivor of the serial killer that attempted to kill her and her friends a year before . she has been so upset since the incident . nightmares haunt her all over the place , but she has to move on . she know attends college , and is best friends with a funny , outgoing girl named karla ( brandy ) , who is trying to hook julie up with will benson , played by newcomer matthew settle . karla's boyfriend is tyrell , the funny , outgoing type , who is played by soul food's mekhi phifer . freddie prinze jr . also returns as ray , julie's boyfriend from a year ago . one morning , julie and karla are called up by a local radio station who are offering four tickets to the bahamas if they can correctly identify the capital of brazil . of course , they answer it correctly , and they are off to the bahamas . julie wants ray to come , but he declines the offer , so karla secretly invites will instead to help boost her plan of hooking him up with julie . after they arrive at their hotel , it is just them and the staff on the island . it starts off as the weekend of their dreams . something just had to come to mess up the one care-free weekend of julie's life though . ben willis ( muse watson ) is back , and he isn't letting anyone survive this time . will ray come to the rescue before he can kill them off one by one ? jennifer love hewitt and brandy turn in respectable performances . brandy in particular was impressive , considering this is her first feature film . you could see that the characters were horrified , and they would do anything possible to survive . matthew settle and freddie prinze jr . are a completely different story . let's start with settle . matthew is completely fake in this film . you could not believe a word coming out of his mouth . you could tell he was acting , and its reasons like him that this one isn't as good as the first one . he does do a good job towards the end , but that doesn't clear up the scars he already left on the film . freddie prinze jr . is almost as bad as matthew settle was . he is almost completely unbelievable , and the majority of his lines are completely meaningless and out of place . we don't see him as much as settle , otherwise he could have done just as much damage as settle did . mekhi phifer is alright as tyrell , but yet again the dialogue is out of place . the plot of i still know turns out to be a pretty good one at the end of the movie . i like where the filmmakers went with this second installment , but maybe if it occurred in the same town as the first one , it would have been a bit better . the cinematography and setting of their island are simply wonderful . there are a lot of very nice shots around their hotel . the sound is pretty good , but still not as creepy as the first film's . jennifer love hewitt's song , " how do i deal " is also played for about thirty seconds . i still know what you did last summer is nothing compared to the first film . the first film was very suspenseful , and it contained some very memorable scenes . the last fifteen minutes of i still know what you did last summer really picked up , and almost reached the same level as the first film . before this part in the film , there are many unnecessary deaths and fake scares . that is okay though , because the film is still very much fun and there are a few suspenseful scenes . i think the reason this film wasn't as scary as the original was because in the first one , the killer terrorized the people involved in the incident . he made them suffer for what they did . in the second film , ben willis just kills anyone he feels like . he doesn't stick with ray and julie , who were the ones he is actually after . he had to go after karla , will , and tyrell . if the characters he stalked were in some relation to the incident that went on when he was ran over by julie , ray , helen , and barry , it could have been much better , and it would have made a lot more sense . the bottom line- not a disappointment , but a third in the series would be out of hand .

ever watch a very young child try and tell a joke that is beyond his , or her , sophistication ? it's full of stops and starts and usually , the punch line is ruined . i felt the same way watching drowning mona . skip a stone across water and you approximate the depth of this attempt at an ensemble comedy . there are some slightly successful attempts at humor , but they only serve as window dressing . there is a running gag about the town , verplanck , n . y . , being a test town for the then new yugo . everyone drives a yugo , differentiating their cars with personalized license plates . even the police chief drives one . there is a certain sublimeness to the image of a lights and siren decked out yugo skittering its way through the town streets . there also is a running gag about one of the characters , jeff , missing a hand and how it occurred . it pokes gentle fun at the notion of urban legends . it turns out the truth is more horrifying than any legend . there are some sight gags that pop up as well , such as mona's tombstone , which reads " demoted " , instead of devoted . still , the core of the story maintains the flatness of a still pond . the lynchpin of the film falls on the redundant and sporadic scenes involving mona ( midler ) . each scene with her is the same : scream at someone , hit someone , then scream some more . there's no uniqueness or modulation to her or explanation for her meanness . anyone off the street could have played the role , such as it is . the other characters are walking cardboard cutouts . each one is defined by one trait and no further attempt is made at deeper characterization . there is a burly , female car mechanic , so of course , there is a forced lesbianism gag . mona's son , jeff ( marcus thomas ) is a simpleton , hence you can predict his dialogue before it even plods its way from his mouth . chief of police rash ( devito ) likes broadway musicals and loves his daughter . there's nothing more to him . elle , the chief's daughter ( campbell ) , is bland personified , a dutiful girl with no higher aspiration than to have a child and be married . mona's husband phil ( fichtner ) jeckle and hydes from shirking coward to reptilian letch . bob ( affleck ) , elle's betrothed , and business partner to jeff , is a mumbling , obvious dullard . there is no contrast to any of the characters . by having at least one character with some wit , or wits , to serve as counterpoint to the others , perhaps steinfeld's attempt at satirizing a small town infested with ambitionless people might have come off better . ostensibly a murder mystery , drowning mona gives you almost all the clues immediately , then lets you sit back and feel superior as you watch the cast of paper people fumble their way to finding the killer , who could be anyone due to mona's loving manner with everyone on town . even that aspect of the film fails , throwing in a convenient , ridiculous and unsatisfying wrap to things . it's been a while since i walked away from a movie theater in an angry mood . what makes it all the more remarkable is that i rarely remember a comedy making me so angry for wasting my time at it's ineptitude .

gord brody ( tom green ) is an aspiring animator approaching thirty who still lives in parents jim ( rip torn ) and julie's ( julie hagerty , " airplane " ) basement . as dad declares all out war , gord secures a job in a cheese sandwich factory in far off la and sets off to make his dreams come true . gord doesn't make much of a go on his first attempt and lands back home with fawning mom and outraged dad in " freddy got fingered . " tom green cowrites ( with " tom green show " scribe derek harvie ) , directs and stars in what is essentially tom green's primal scream . so , if tom green screams in an empty theater , does he make a sound ? it's clear that " freddy got fingered " is at least partially autobiographical and green sure has one hell of a complex about his dad ( mom gets off easier when sonny boy advises her to go out and have sex with basketball players and greeks ) . while this may be of interest to his hard core fans , there's little about green's mania on display here to recommend this movie to anyone else . the film starts promisingly enough , with a well executed skateboarding scene through a shopping mall set to the sex pistols' 'problem' ( green's put together a first rate soundtrack ) and yes , i laughed a few times . green's flummoxing of a security guard with psychotic ramblings and his attempt to draw , make music and eat at the same time ( the 'daddy would you like some sausages' scene repeatedly shown in the film's trailer ) are inspired comedy . but what's funny about a paraplegic girlfriend who gets turned on by having her legs caned or a skateboarding injury that results in an exposed kneecap ? a baby delivery bit shows some groan-inducing promise until enough blood is splattered to coagulate the laughs . younger ( by three years ) brother freddy's internment at the institute for sexually abused children does nothing but confirm one's worst fears regarding the film's title and green's infamous 'handling' of a real horse , while not nearly as shocking as it would seem , doesn't make sense . by the time he repeats the gag with an elephant at film's end , the overall effect is numbness . while " freddy got fingered " has the admirable end result of depicting the harm in demeaning a child's self esteem , it's essentially a whole lot of tom green running around being noisy . rip torn , what were you thinking ?

ladies and gentlemen , 1997's independence day is here ! it's title : starship troopers . and surprisingly , it is more entertaining than id4 . i realize that i gave last year's sci-fi hit a 4 star rating , but i was under the spell of the powerful first hour . after subsequent viewings , i feel that independence day really wasn't as great as it seemed--though i still give it a positive review . starship troopers , on the other hand , has a mocking sense of humor , knowing perfectly well how ridiculous it may seem . as a result , starship troopers is a more exciting , energetic , and lively science fiction film . in fact , i probably could never get tired of watching this film . starship troopers is very reminiscient of star wars , another kick-ass space opera which reinvented the sci-fi drama altogether . while starship troopers is no star wars , it comes quite close , and the easiest assessment would be to call this film : " the 'star wars' of the 90s . " am i being to generous to this film ? perhaps , but when a science fiction film comes along that can mix humor and romance , effectively , into the warring races . in essence , this is the science fiction equivolence of pulp fiction . the easiest way to write a review of this film would be to compare it to other science fiction films , and i may have to . starship troopers is not quite an original film persay , but director paul verhoeven gives the film a " kick-the-aliens'-asses " style . id4 had this same style , except it was forced , most likely the cause of will smith having a major role . this new " star wars " has a very simple , basic plot : mankind vs . an alien species . the alien species in question here is the bugs , a seemingly advanced civilization of arachnid-type insects . however , the underlying morals of starship troopers are fleshed out with deadly accuracy . sometimes the morals are buried by the bloody violence and intense action scenes , but during quiet moments , we realize that starship troopers has something to tell us about our civilization . more than likely , these morals will be overpowered and quickly forgotten by the time the movie ends . and they should be . i doubt verhoeven intended this film to be a thought-provoking film . this is an " event " film , but surprisingly above average . it is extremely refreshing to watch a sci-fi war film , and actually root for the human side ( something independence day never achieved ) . starship troopers begins with a satirical portrayal of those strange " join the army " ads . mixing a web-based interface , these summations of events are refreshingly original . stating , " would you like to know more ? " , these short news bulletins give the film an immediate sense of humor , and we know we should not take it seriously . however , we also witness the murder of several troopers in battle , in a gory , yet funny , way . after witnessing the slaughter , the film jumps back one year , to setup what we just saw . we are introduced to johnny rico ( casper van dien ) and carmen ibanez ( denise richards ) . rico flirts with carmen by sending her messages over computer terminals in school classrooms . however , carmen isn't as interested in rico as she is in becoming a pilot . however , another classmate , dizzy flores ( dina meyer ) , has her eye on rico . unfortunately , rico isn't interested in dizzy . this setup is rather cliched , as is the result of the setup , but it still is fun to watch . carmen signs up to become a starship trooper , and as a result , rico signs up . and as a result , dizzy signs up . everyone is assigned a certain position in the academy : carmen gets the pilot position she wanted , carl jenkins ( neil patrick harris ) , a psychic , gets a position in the training program , and rico is left in the lowest class of the starship troopers : the mobile infantry . the main story follows rico through his trials and relationships . in reality , i found myself watching a space version of " melrose place , " but with better special effects . an hour into the film , the war begins . a sense of tension grew in the audience i watched this film with . the first hour may have been a funny ( sometimes unintentionally ) setup , but we grew to care for the flat characters , because no matter how hard i tried not to like the characters , their gorgeous looks won me over ( call me superficial , if you must ) . following the training sessions , which had many dramas in themselves ( too many to mention here ) , the troopers are sent to war . the bugs live on the planet klendathu , a planet which consists of dirt and rock , and pretty much nothing else . many dramas occur during the war , until finally the troopers realize that their is something behind the bugs' attacks . a sort of intelligence which masterminds the defense . the troopers are ordered to locate the " brain " and capture it . i hopefully left the plot as vague as possible , because starship troopers is not about plot . it's about special effects and gory violence . director verhoeven , most known for his nudie film showgirls and basic instinct , returns to his sci-fi days , which gave us good films like total recall . verhoeven likes to push the envelope of the mpaa , but despite all the violence , the comic book feel gives the film a sense of falsehood . starship troopers is extremely violent , with more gore than this year's event horizon . the r rating is well deserved , and hopefully parents will not allow their 12 year old children to see it . my guess is that verhoeven's target audience is the 18 to 25 male group . the film has a testosterone level off the charts , with chiseled men and beautiful women . despite these superficial elements , starship troopers also creates a world which made star wars so successful . while watching the film , we never second guess the character's decisions because they seem perfectly clear . thankfully , no hero is punching aliens in the face , which gives the flat characters some depth for which we can identify with . the cast of starship troopers is quite annoying to begin with , but they soon grow on you . casper van dien has the chiseled facial features and tan skin which will make most girls swoon . to most guys , he will come across as artificial . fortunately , van dien is the worst of the cast , despite how hard he tries to come off as a real character . dina meyer does a much better job of fleshing out her character . her dizzy is extremely likeable . denise richards also does a good job , and her scenes are very well done . jake busey , gary busey's son , gives a wonderfully funny performance , and provides one of the biggest laughs of the film . neil patrick harris ( remember , he was doogie howser ) is a little wooden , and slightly out of place with the rest of the cast . however , he does give a good performance . michael ironside gives the best performance of the film as the teacher with one arm . his performance rises above the rest . perhaps it is because his character is the most developed , but i think it is just ironside's presence on screen . unfortunately , no particular cast member gives a star-making performance , which is too bad because the material here could have made many of the cast members stars . director verhoeven is the main star of the film . his direction is fast and unrelentless . he never slows down his pace , which makes for a wild ride . writer edward neumeier adapted the screenplay from the book by robert heinlein . the writing is usually very funny , and sometimes very corny . the dialogue is smart but not too smart . we aren't required to know everything , but some plot holes are left unanswered . thankfully we are not intended to notice , and we really don't ( except for one which lingered in my mind for quite a while ) . amazingly , with all the wars and romance going on , the screenplay manages to include some surprising governmental issues . in fact , these governmental changes seem fairly plausible , and this adds another layer to the story . the moral debate of the characters is quite surprising to find in a film of this genre , but what is even more surprising is the amount of humor included into all the carnage . i haven't laughed this loud , even in some comedies . oh , and the special effects are first rate . starship troopers is rated r for graphic sci-fi violence and gore , and for some language and nudity . believe me when i say this : don't take young kids to see this film . it is extremely violent . in fact , it is probably the most violent film out this year . however , if you are old enough ( over 17 ) to see it , starship troopers is guaranteed to entertain . it's been a long time since i have cheered for the heros , while also cheering for the bad guys . and still , it is my dream to see a sci-fi film in which the alien race destroys mankind , and take over the world . now that would be entertaining !

summer movies are , by nature , dumb affairs that are usually made for some quick enjoyment and to make money . wild wild west , the latest will smith affair , follows much the same formula , except that it is dumber and less enjoying than most summer movies . will smith plays jim west , a black sheriff with a nice line in sunglasses . he is called by president grant ( kline ) to go on a mission to find out why top government scientists are disappearing . west is paired up with scientist artemus gordon ( kline again ) and the two track the missing scientists to a legless mastermind , named dr . loveless ( branagh , with a zany moustache . ) before i pile on with the many negatives in this sorry affair , i'll give it a chance with the positives . there's a nice credit sequence , the production design by bo welch is pleasing to the eye , and the special effects are decent enough . there's also a pleasant soundtrack . buried deep in the dross are one or two amusing jokes . and salma hayek pops up as the female interest , which is always nice to see . apart from these factors , though , nothing else in wild wild west works . firstly , there's little chemistry between smith and kline , who appears to be in it purely for the money . one would expect zingers passing between the two : none arise . both of them plod through the below standard plot , knowing that there is a pay cheque waiting at the end . not even kenneth branagh provides much entertainment : although he is over the top , the material doesn't present much opportunity for branagh to be truly crazy . therefore , he just comes across as loud as obnoxious . the only enjoyable performance comes from the sexy salma hayek , who is given so little screen time it's embarrassing . she appears to be in the film to merely show off her body , and be ogled at by kline and smith . her character also changes at a whim to fit the mechanics of the script , and there is no sense of realism about the character . the 'humour' in the film is also very off . will smith put a little spin to his daft lines in men in black , here , not even smith could save the humour on display . the script largely boils down to insults that aren't very funny , and one-liners that barely raise a smirk . it's also somewhat racist , although it doesn't intend to be , with one scene with jim west trying to wisecrack his way out of a lynching , and actually says slavery is good to save himself . it's not a funny scene , and the whole thing comes off rather uncomfortably . the film also makes the tragic mistake that a man ( in this case kline ) in a dress is automatically unfunny , it isn't , but the wild wild west makes this joke even more painful to watch through pure ineptness . there's also problems with the plot . jim west and artemus gordon get caught up in all kinds of sticky situations , but the way they get out of them are always unsatisfying , and rely purely on luck , rather than audience pleasing skill . plot elements are introduced into the film , and then thrown away just as quickly . the main piece of the story , a 80 foot mechanical , steam driven spider devised by loveless looks rather impressive , but there's no particular reason why it should be built . why not loveless build a great big tank , instead of an ungainly , fragile piece of machinery that's just begging to be blown up ? director barry sonnenfeld always has a breezy look to them , with some nice camera tricks , but even this is missing from this stilted affair . wild wild west could have benefited from sonnenfelds whacked out style of directing , but not much of it is evident , making this film drag out even more . it's a sad thing when _four_ ( credited ) screenwriters , a talented director and a willing star can't make a film work , and eventually wild wild west collapses under it's sexist , mildly racist , unfunny weight .

when i first heard that romeo & juliet had been " updated " i shuddered . i thought that yet another of shakespeare's classics had been destroyed . fortunately , i was wrong . baz luhrman has directed an " in your face " , and visually stunning piece with this film . it revolves around the two rival families , who in this version each run multi-million dollar enterprises . these rival companies/families are the capulet's and the montague's . the younger generation of these two families have formed gangs , who despise one another . as the storylines goes , romeo montague ( played by leonardo dicaprio ) and juliet capulet ( claire danes ) meet at a fancy dress party , and it is love at first site . i never believed love at first site was possible until i saw this film , the scene in which romeo's eyes meet juliet's through the fish tank is one of the most memorable . of course , they cannot publicly reveal their love , for their families are arch enemies . so they marry in secret , this is where things begin to go wrong . the story , as with all good shakespeare , ends in tragedy . the cinematography is spectacular to say the least , and the soundtrack provides the perfect atmosphere in which to " lay our scene " , as the film says . there is very little to criticise . the performances are convincing , and several of the film's younger stars may find that it provides a launch for their careers . the modernisation of the script is ingenious and clever . despite the well known storyline , this latest version still manages to cause tears among many members of the audience ( especially the younger generation ) , and this is certainly a great credit to the film .

mike myers , you certainly did throw us a ? frickin' bone here in what you call ? the biggest austin powers adventure yet . ' austin powers : the spy who shagged me is the sequel to the 1997 smash comedy austin powers : international man of mystery . many are skeptical about sequels , saying that the sequel is never better or as good as the original , but austin powers : tswsm goes beyond the first film . austin powers : the spy who shagged me stars mike myers in three different roles . he reprises his role as the title character , austin powers , the shagadelic spy whose body was frozen in 1967 , and unfrozen in 1997 to stop his long time nemesis dr . evil , also played by mike myers , from destroying the earth . tswsm leaves off where the original stopped , with dr . evil's ? frisch's big boy' space capsule floating through space . dr . evil returns back to earth by ejecting from his capsule , plotting to go back in his time machine to the year 1967 , in which he plans to steal austin powers' " mojo " , what keeps austin going with spy talents . upon his return to his secret lair , which is now a starbucks coffee shop , dr . evil learns that his evil henchman , which includes the returning robert wagner as number 2 and mindy sterling as frau , have created a 1/8 size clone of dr . evil , which is later named mini me . the evil mini me replaces scott evil , played by seth green , as dr . evil's son in the madman's mind , because dr . evil thinks of scott to be only " quasi-evil . " dr . evil has always wanted a son that is evil just like him , and now he has one . dr . evil tells mini me , " you complete me , " in a loving manner . dr . evil loving ? wow ! mike myers' third role is as fat bastard , a scottish henchman of dr . evil's , who is sent to steal the mojo from austin powers' frozen body . austin powers learns of dr . evil's trip back into the 60s , and uses his own time machine to take him back to 1967 , to try to save his mojo before fat bastard gets a hold of it . once arriving in the year 1967 , austin travels to his " pad " , his smashing home/dance club , where he meets felicity shagwell , played by heather graham , a cia agent who is willing to help him in his journey to stop dr . evil . as the film progresses , hilarious one liners are thrown at us , mainly by dr . evil , for example , " don't go there , girlfriend ! " to the president of the united states . many witty gags take place , note the entire tent scene , and just plain , funny scenes which are so stupid- they're funny come a dozen per fifteen minutes . take for example , scott evil going on the jerry springer show complaining about how evil his father is . the way austin powers : tswsm uses its humor is clever , throwing a hilarious scene at you , followed by five minutes of one liners , followed by another outrageous scene , so you never stop laughing . there was honestly not one moment in austin powers : tswsm where i wasn't laughing . the last film that i laughed so hard in , was well , austin powers ! it is apparent that mike myers knew how funny this film was while writing it . the film even makes fun of itself in a line , something along the lines of , " it's funny how england and southern california look nothing alike . " tswsm was filmed in southern california , but was supposed to take place in england . i can tell you one thing- he is having a lot of fun with this enormously popular character , which is all over television , newspapers , magazines , and the movie theaters . i believe that dr . evil got more attention in the tswsm than austin powers did . dr . evil provided more laughs , more memorable moments , and more interesting dialogue than austin did this time around , who seems to missing the funny touch that he had in the first film . i felt that austin really did have his mojo taken away , but from screenplay writer mike myers , not fat bastard . also making a great addition to the series is mini me , who is played by verne troyer . even though the midget actor is 30 years old , he is adorable by dr . evil's side constantly . the first austin powers film had barely any sentimental quality , such as lack of character development , barely any detailed plot characteristics , and barely any good acting , but austin powers tswsm actually shows some quality behind the frequent humor . mike myers , with his three roles , acts as eddie murphy did in the nutty professor , disguising himself completely in one of the roles . ( fat bastard ) all three characters are different , and mike myers does do a good job handling each one of them . heather graham made a great addition with her talent to tswsm , and does a much better job than elizabeth hurley did , who gave a very flat performance in the original , speaking her lines without any feeling or emotion . speaking of hurley , she can be seen in tswsm for a few brief moments . hopefully , graham tags along for future austin powers adventures . the bottom line- a groovy sequel that mike myers put all of his mojo into writing .

don't let the following quirks of this review , fool you into believing that this movie is anything short of an ultimate labour of love . but one can see the humour of roberto benigni when you see that ? life is beautiful , even though i'm a short , ugly looking man with an obnoxious laugh . life is beautiful even though i haven't amounted to much in life , except working out the finer intricacies of waitering . i'm a lucky sort of a guy , especially when a beautiful woman strips away my venner of superficiality to find a new age , sensitive guy with the biggest heart in the entire world underneath - life is beautiful ! i'm a jew , but life can still be beautiful . the nazis put me in a concentration camp , but life is still beautiful . i love my son very much and that's what matters , and that's what makes life beautiful . my ability to entertain somehow convinces my son that living in a concentration camp is somewhat beautiful ? i get shot for my efforts and the woman i love , but hey that's life and that's still a beautiful thing - so by jove don't give me any crap about it ! by far the movie with the biggest heart this decade and well deserves every nomination and award that it has achieved . well done , there should be more film directors and actors like you roberto benigni .

an unhappy italian housewife , a lonely waiter , a goofy masseuse , lots of love , and gorgeous scenery all come together in bread and tulips , which proves charming despite its covering of predictable , well-worn material . the story concerns the aforementioned housewife , rosalba barletta ( licia maglietta ) who accidentally becomes separated from her immediate family while on vacation . instead of waiting for a ride home , rosalba opts not to go home to her italian town , but to instead hitchhike to venice . upon arriving , she tells her self-centered husband , mimmo ( an excellent antonio catania ) that she'll be home in a few days . of course , that doesn't happen , as rosalba quickly gains a level of independence that has been unattainable in her past life of scrubbing floors and buying groceries . in what seems like days , she moves in with lonely , suicidal waiter fernando ( bruno ganz ) , gets a job as a florist , learns the accordion , and befriends her neighbor -- a wacky holistic masseuse named grazia ( marina massironi ) . rosalba , who is first seen wearing a gaudy stretch pants outfit , starts wearing sexy dresses and getting closer to fernando . i can think of at least five other ( american ) movies ( including fried green tomatoes and an unmarried woman ) that are more than similar to bread and tulips . but maglietta and ganz , who act with restraint and care , help bread and tulips from becoming a tired retread . ganz plays the suicidal waiter role with a solemn , sometimes playful dignity that is a joy to watch , while maglietta never overreacts to her growing comfort with the outside world . throughout the movie , maglietta has an easygoing , confident demeanor , which makes it very easy to root for her and her growing attraction for ganz's character . the gorgeous scenery of moonlit town squares and sparkling rivers provides a perfect love story backdrop -- you just might want to ask the attractive stranger in the seat behind you for coffee after the lights come up . director and co-writer silvio soldini must get credit for sprinkling the movie with effective goofy humor . the cheap mimmo , desperate to find his wife ( after all , he needs his shirts ironed and his mistress won't do it ) , hires a job applicant ( giuseppe battiston ) at his bathroom supply firm to do the job . the reason ? mimmo discovers that the prospective plumber loves detective stories . the novice detective's various misfortunes , including him saying goodbye to his weepy mother , are very funny . unfortunately , there are flaws that somewhat spoil bread and tulips' cheery tone . rosalba is bothered by several surreal dreams during her time in venice , which bring the movie to a halt . it's like putting a gunfight in a nora ephron movie . several details in fernando's life also never get proper closure , including his suicidal tendencies . early in the movie , he nearly hangs himself before rosalba knocks on his apartment door . after that , fernando's step towards death is never made reference to , probably because soldini wanted to include a lukewarm , underdeveloped subplot about fernando's stormy past . it seems more like a desperate attempt to pump up the drama in a plot that doesn't need any . but there aren't a lot of overwhelming negatives in bread and tulips . the movie is fun and romantic , with beautiful scenery and characters whose lives we'd like to live if we had the nerve . . . or if our passports weren't missing .

a pseudo-intellectual film about the pseudo-intellectual world of art magazines , high art is as wasted as its drug-addled protagonists . in the only notable part of the movie , ally sheedy and radha mitchell deliver nice performances in the two leading roles , not that lisa cholodenko's script or direction makes you care much about either character . living in a world of heroin induced highs , they float along until they fall in love with each other . this uninviting picture , full of pretentious minor characters , has a receptionist that reads dostoevski and a woman in the restroom line who is a certified genius , having recently been awarded a prestigious mcarthur grant . 24-year-old syd ( radha mitchell ) , who has a rather bland , live-in boyfriend , was just promoted to assistant editor at the artistic photography magazine " frame . " although the receptionist is impressed , syd is mainly a gofer for her boss until she meets famous photographer lucy berliner ( ally sheedy ) . for her to do photos for " frame , " lucy demands that syd be promoted to editor and assigned to her since lucy fancies her . lucy lives with her current lover , a washed up german actress named greta , played with a frequently indecipherable series of mumbles by patricia clarkson . the two of them and their friends wile away their time snorting and shooting up dope , usually heroin . this does not happen in a single episode , but becomes more commonplace than sleeping in the picture . syd , who lives in the apartment below them , joins in on the fun and becomes a member of the zombie club . lucy seems pretty happy with her life of drugs , which apparently is funded by her mother . lucy quit working professionally 10 years ago since she thought she was being " pigeonholed , " and , since her mother has money , we can only assume that that's how lucy supports her habit and procures her living expenses . a typical scene has the editors arguing about whether a potential photographer's work is transcendental or merely classical . that no one has a clue as to the dogma they are spouting becomes obvious but not particularly funny . " your work has a cultural currency that is important now , " is the artist-speak that the frame's manager uses to convince lucy to show her pictures in the magazine . when the big scene comes in which lucy puts the moves on syd , her idea of a romantic line is , " i want to get high with you . " in lucy's world , sex and drugs come hand-in-hand . and the movie , except for the obligatory scene of someone almost overdosing , shows drug usage as being a hip and natural part of the art scene . this vacuous picture throws in a standard downer ending in an attempt to manipulate our emotions . in another movie , it might have worked , but in this one the reaction is likely to be decidedly muted . high art runs 1 : 36 . it is rated r for explicit sex , pervasive drug use and language and is not appropriate for those younger than college age .

swashbuckling adventure that can be enjoyed by both children and adults . steven spielberg may not have directed ( he only executive produced ) but his touch certainly is evident in this movie . and he knows a money making winner when he sees one . the mask of zorro has the hallmarks of a blockbuster : big action , funny comedy , and the pacing of a rollercoaster . hopkins plays don diego de la vega , otherwise known as zorro . a fighter for the people , he is eventually captured by don rafael montero ( stuart wilson ) , who also , unintentionally , kills his wife . the film cuts to twenty years later , where vega still wants to montero dead . however , he's far too old now , and trains up thief alejandro murrieta ( banderas ) to become the new zorro . banderas motive ? to avenge the death of his brother , who was killed at the hands of captain love ( matthew letscher ) who rather tastefully keeps the head in a jar , in one of the more graphic scenes in this family movie . with the scene set , the movie goes on full blast , with sword fights a-plenty and witty one liners . banderas and hopkins have a marvellous chemistry as the two zorro's , playing each other off with ease . hopkins seems to come off a little better , but banderas does some excellent work . as the bad guys , wilson and letscher seem one dimensional , but they go through the bad guy shtick in an above average way . the audience does hate them , which can't be bad . catherine zeta-jones also pops up as hopkins daughter , and although she provides little more than the usual female lead , she delivers a charming , but one note , performance . the chemistry is excellent between banderas and jones . there's a delightful little scene where banderas and jones have a sword fight , and every swipe an item of clothing gets slashed , until jones clothes fall off all together . the director , fresh from the enjoyable goldeneye ( 1995 ) handles the film perfectly . the action is well done and fast paced , the comedy put across well . the cast help a lot , but the direction is still outstanding . although the film is very long , the plot keeps chugging along , and there's barely a dull moment . however , the film is a little over indulgent , and it could have been trimmed . it manages to hold the attention , thankfully , and the adventure and charm holds right up to the last reel . screenwriters john eskow , ted elliot and terry rosio have unfortunately written an cliched and one dimensional script . although they've bought zorro up to date with big explosions and wild action , the plot itself is barely existent . there's lots of little sub plots hanging around , but there's nothing substantial to bring them all together . the main story seems to be the fact that rafael wants to 'buy' california using gold stolen from the guy he's buying the land off . this sets up for a temple of doom type plot where we see peasants slave driven into getting the gold from little mines . however , this doesn't seem to appear until nearly over a hour into the film , so the film is never quite sure where it's going . in the end however , zorro provides action and comedy in spades . it suitable for everyone , so put the guilt behind , and put some more money into spielbergs bank account . you won't regret it .

wow , a film without any redeeming qualities whatsoever . i'm amazed that someone thought this was a story that must be told on screen . many blacks in hollywood complain that they are not nominated for awards based on their race . i think first they need to concentrate their energy on themselves , and stop making movies which makes them look like nothing more than sex-crazed buffoons . even i'm offended by it . bill bellamy is a " player " which means he sleeps with a lot of women and lies to them . what a pleasant main character . one day , his friends decide that they want to find out how to be a player . why they decide this " one day " i have no idea . how many years have they been friends and why all of a sudden would they want to learn ? anyway , bellamy agrees to teach , and his wonderful lesson to his friends consists of letting them ride in his car while he rides from house to house having sex with women . this is the bulk of the film folks , guys riding from house to house , one keeps getting out to have sex , while the others sit in the car . since russell simmons is producer , and since the official title of the film is " def jam's how to be a player " , i was ready to be jumping up and down and stomping my feet and beating the person next to me because of the comedy . amazingly , aside from gilbert gottfried's 90 seconds of screen time , there was no comedy in the film for me to express myself in such a manner . instead of jokes , there's just an endless stream of profanity and naked breasts ( and naked breasts aren't so bad , but naked breasts alone don't make a good movie ) . be sure to bring along your ebonics to english dictionary as well . gilbert gottfried's character serves as one in his very brief appearance , asking for explanations as to what is being said . they should have brought him along for the entire film . [r]

it is hard to imagine that a movie which includes abortion and incest as prominent plot devices could be so sensitive , so delicate , so insightful and yes , even so enjoyable . somehow , the cider house rules manages to keep an even keel in the face of the harsh subject matter and allows a substantial amount of heart to shine through . set in the 1940's , the film tells the story of a unique young man named homer wells ( tobey maguire , ride with the devil ) . an orphan , twice rejected as an infant by possible adoptive parents , he grows up in the care and under the tutelage of dr . wilbur larch ( michael caine , little voice ) , father figure to the orphans of st . cloud , obstetrician or abortionist to the unhappily pregnant women who come there seeking his help . figuring that as long as homer was going to stay at the orphanage , he might as well be of use , dr . larch begins teaching him all he knows about obstetrics . soon homer is delivering babies like a professional . he refuses to perform abortions , instead wondering why the couples just didn't behave more responsibly . larch , too old and experienced to have such youthful ideals , marvels that homer " continues to have such high expectations of people . " such is the result of an insulated upbringing . though skilled in certain medical procedures , homer remains woefully naive and ignorant about most everything else . he finally figures that in order to find his place in the world , he must go out into it . befriending a young couple who had come to see dr . larch , he hitches a ride with them and parlays that into landing a job as an apple picker with a group of black migrant workers at the orchard where they lived . thus , homer begins his worldly instruction , with new friend candy kendall ( charlize theron , the astronaut's wife ) a willing tutor . tobey maguire is well cast yet again as an inherently good man who is seeking answers to life's questions . . . many of which he was unaware needed to be asked . he demonstrates a quiet strength and thoughtful curiosity that is both warm and appealing . michael caine is , in a word , brilliant as the caring caretaker of these orphans , many of whom he helped to bring into the world . calling them " princes of maine , kings of new england " in his ritualistic goodnight , mr . caine manages to communicate the love and commitment larch has towards these children without becoming maudlin or saccharine . delroy lindo ( a life less ordinary ) has many powerful moments as mr . rose , the strong and charismatic leader of the apple pickers whom homer joins . director lasse hallstrom ( what's eating gilbert grape ? ) and screenwriter/novelist john irving ( the world according to garp ) , who adapted his own work for this movie deserve much of the credit for the balanced approach to the sensitive subject matter . regardless of one's personal stand on the divisive matter of abortion , it is hard to imagine anyone becoming offended by the evenhanded treatment used by these filmmakers . the title is a reference to a list of rules posted in the quarters of the illiterate apple pickers . figuring the rules didn't apply to them since they didn't have a hand in writing them , they decide to ignore the list and make up their own rules as they go along . dr . larch , in his own way , acts similarly . there is a danger in that line of reasoning . god has also given us a set of rules . unlike the list posted in the cider house , god's rules , if followed , promise us benefits beyond our imagination . and yet , many continue to ignore his " rules " preferring to make up their own as they go through life . " trust in the lord with all thine heart ; and lean not unto thine own understanding . " proverbs 3 : 5 [kjv] just as a builder follows a designer's blueprint or a conductor follows a composer's score , why shouldn't we follow the rules of life given to us by life's architect for our own blessing ?

* * * * * * minor plot spoilers in review * * * * * * * * * * * * no major spoilers are in review * * * * * * the previous two " alien " films have each had their own unique styles to them . the ridley scott's alien was very much a stylistic suspense film . james cameron's aliens was much more of an action film . and i liked each film separately for which it was . now alien 3 is out . and it is it's own film in the same right that alien and aliens were . unlike aliens , alien 3 requires that you have seen aliens . this is very important as the story picks up exactly were aliens left off . the survivors of the expedition to lv-426 are returning home after battling and beating the aliens . the climactic fight scene between ripley and the mother alien on the sulaco in aliens left behind one item , an egg . in the opening sequence we see the egg hatch , find its quarry , which leads to a fire aboard the sulaco when the facehugger is injured , an leads the sulaco to jettison the hypersleep tubes in an escape vessel . this vessel crash lands on fury 109 . everyone in the vessel is killed , except ripley . the facehugger is jettisoned with them and survives the crash . fury 109 is an ex-mining/maximum security prison . when closed down , some of the lifer prisoners decided to stay and live out the remaining years on the planet . all the prisoners are men who have not seen a woman in many years . ripley's arrival sparks a problem with the inmates . as for the new haircut that ripley and the prisoner's sport , there is an infestation of lice on the planet . being an ex-prison means that there is no way off the planet and no weapons . so the prisoners and ripley are off to face the alien on their own . i will not go into detail , but you can guess what happens here . the alien is loose and no one believes ripley's outstanding story . she finds comfort in the arms of the colony's doctor . yes , after 57 years ripley has sex . it is not gratuitous , in fact , we don't even see them kiss , but it is just as well . a sweaty sex scene would not have worked in the context of the film . there is a lot more gore in alien 3 . in fact i would guess to say that there is more in alien 3 than either of the earlier two . it also sports a new alien with 4 legs ! i won't say how , but it leads us to believe a few new things about the alien and its cycle , which i am sure will be explored in alien 4 . sigourney weaver is back as ripley and provides another excellent performance of this character . her scene during the autopsy of newt is enough to garnish her another academy nomination . the rest of the cast is also quite good . notably , charles dance as the doctor with whom ripley finds momentary escape from fury 109 . alien 3 has a very distinct look . this is due largely to its director , david fincher . mr . fincher , who until now has only directed music videos and commercials , has done an incredible job here . his direction is excellent and makes this film come to life in ways no " alien " film has before . for mr . fincher , i see a long prosperous career ahead of him . the music was also done by a newcomer to the film industry . elliot goldenthal has created a deeply moving score which lends itself to the claustrophobic setting that the " alien " series been set in . this time the score is not so much a rip off of star trek ii ( james horner's aliens ) . this score has a choral back up at times and even lends itself to the old style of ennio morricone scoring . this is a great score . the ending to alien 3 is quite good . there were times i thought that hollywood would come in and screw it up , but it played very nicely . i will not ruin the ending for you . go see the film . i consider it to be a much more involved film than any of the other films released so far this season . alien 3 is a worthy successor to aliens and alien . and when they make alien 4 , perhaps they will be able to find yet another new direction to take it in .

it was with a huge lack of something to do that i decided to watch this on good old upn on sunday afternoon , when the only good things on tv are the second-rate movies they show ( some are good : they showed " total recall " before this one ) . if you know me , i think seagal is probably the most boring action star to ever live . and this includes keanu reeves . what do i hate about seagal ? i hate how he uses one facial expression for every single threatening and non-threatening situation ( the squint ) . i hate those scenes in every movie where he goes around , bullying people up , saying stupid lines with a brooklyn accent more fake than burt reynold's hairpiece in " boogie nights . " i despise how he never gets a bruise in any of his fights . i hate how every single plot twist leads to just a melodramatic fight between he and the chief villain . i hate his non-satirical messages ( in the beginning of this one , he slaps on a quote from arthur miller , which has nothing to do with the film , except it's about brooklyn where this film takes place ) . and i hate how he's so narcissistic that he thinks that he can actually fucking sing ( during the end credits , he has a good old hill billy rock tune sung and penned by him ) . sure , the guy's probably a nice guy in person ( i actually found him very non-threatening when he was on letterman not too long ago ) . but the guy makes worse films than reagan did . so what's the plot of this shit-terpiece ? well . . . something about him trying to catch a stupid-ass crook ( william forsythe ) who shot and killed his partner in broad daylight . i couldn't believe how bad this scene was - the guy was conveniently with his family so we get the maximum emotional effect ( ahem ! ) . and forsythe even said some stupid lines to him before he took off . i'm sorry , did anyone ever hear of concealing one's self ? so in comes ex-brooklynite seagal , who dedicates his life to catching this guy . and i just wished he had caught him in the beginning , then ended the film . but noooo , this drags on , as he bullies forsythe's family members ( including a stupid bar-owner , and none other than gina gershon as his other bar-owner sister ) . and forsythe more than once threatens his family . at one point , he actually comes to their house and stalks them like a non-threatening nicholson in " the shining " ( complete with them all hiding in the bathroom , but with an added bonus of one girl conveniently loosing her cool and screaming to give them away ) . seagal paints himself as a lovable person , with a son , and a fiancee . he even shows him hanging with his son , checking up on his homework , and then about to take him out for a bit of " catch , " when he's conveniently called away on assignment . i dunno about you , but playing " catch " with seagal was one of my childhood nightmares . he also shows him as that bad-ass he wants to be , with scenes of him bullying crooks around , and taking out people who are stupid enough to attack him even after he's unarmed a chinese guy swinging bats with a pool cue . serves them right . this film , as some of his do , has an interesting supporting cast of actors who are actually talented , but don't appear to be in this film . i already mentioned gina gershon ( who's pretty horrible in this one ) , as well as william forsythe , who over-acts terribly . i know this guy can act : he was awesome in " raising arizona " as goodman's partner in crime . but he's just awful here . jerry orbach gives the only credible performance in the film as the police chief who checks up on segal after things have gone down . why is he the only one who gives a good performance ? well , because his role is small enough and sporadic enough to not tarnish his credibility . he seems to be in here just to give it a cool " law and order " feeling ( even if it's not a " cool " feeling ) . and in cameos are b-rated erotic-thriller-cinemax-style stars , shannon whirry ( as " terry malloy , " which is more of a bad joke than a clever one ) and athena massey . oh ! and " er " 's julliana margiulles has two scenes . " out for justice " just proves once again that american action films just suck . i know that there's such a good thing as good action - he's called john woo . but if you're in the mood for some good old no-brainer , fun-yet-dumb action , don't bother watching this . it's so stupid that it's boring .

when it comes to the average teenage romantic comedy , i expect negative reviews from critics left and right . predictable , unoriginal , and forgettable will most likely be the three adjectives to haunt the down to you's and the drive me crazy's released by the dozens these last couple of years . what i really look for in this kind of movie is the entertainment value while i'm sitting in the theater . am i enjoying myself ? is this a comfortable break from my week of finals ? this is why i have given films like final destination or road trip high marks ; i had a party of a time wasting my money on something i won't remember next week . so last week i opened up the new york times - and , no surprise , boys and girls got a negative review . daily news ? negative . reelviews ? negative . epinions . com ? negative . this was nothing new . american pie , final destination , road trip didn't get such hot reviews and i loved those guilty pleasures . same goes for she's all that , a formulaic but enjoyable pygmalion adaptation that got unjustly pounded . since boys and girls reunites she's all that director robert iscove and actor freddie prinze jr . , i predicted d ? j ? vu al over again . but , still curious , i asked around my school and from the one or two people who had seen it , the reactions were far from positive . i had made up my mind ; i'll catch it on video or cable in a couple of years . but , soon after , following a series of unexpected events ( we couldn't get into shaft because it is rated r ) , i found myself watching boys and girls . whoops . boys and girls is about a " nerdy , smart " boy named ryan ( prinze jr . ) and a " popular , flirt " girl named jennifer ( claire forlani ) . briefly meeting as pre-teens and now attending the same college , the two bump into each other so many times that eventually they become best friends . but in the movies , a male and a female cannot be friends without having that nagging feeling of attraction for each other . with advice from their roommates ( amanda detmer , jason biggs ) , ryan and jennifer attempt to discover the true meaning of their relationship . the film definitely lives up to the dreaded three adjectives - and mindless entertainment is nowhere to be found . i could hardly sit through the 93 minute running time for several reasons . the dialogue is probably the worst i have ever seen in any movie , mainly because the whole movie depends on the boring script and the ridiculous words these characters use is what hollywood thinks kids can relate to . it is almost offensive . an example of an insightful conversation : " you're dumb . dumb , dumb , dumb , dumb . " " no . " ( followed by a mandy moore-esque tune background ) ( well it's not as bad as wing commander i guess ) the supporting cast is also painfully useless . detmer and biggs stand in the way for anything interesting to happen with their own boring , pointless subplots . and although this is supposed to be from both perspectives of the human sex , prinze jr's ryan dominates the screen while forlani's jennifer simply acts as a dilemma for him to work with . we never learn anything about jennifer which is a shame too because forlani is the only actor to bring any life into her character . teenager or not : you'll hate this movie , i guarantee it . maybe i should rent she's all that again . is it really as good as i think it is ?

well lets see . . . i'm not quite sure how to review this film , based on its laughter factor . well yeah i can , it's not funny . ok so i laughed one time which warranted the 1/2 star , but other than that i sat in my seat wondering when this pos would be over , ( which at a running time of 107 minutes seemed like forever ! ) . in fact , this could be the un-funniest movie i've seen in a long time , if not the un-funniest . let me be the first to say " ready to rumble " is a huge disappointment . long time wrestling lovers ( david and scott ) dream of making it to the wcw , and watching jimmy king wrestle . that is their hero of course , whom is kicked out of the wcw . well here is where the plot thickens ( lol ) : the two wish to rescue the king , and put him back into the wcw but not that easily , because they are being tampered with by many people who are out to get them , while david's father wants him to become a police officer , and scott is a loser who has to with the help of david clean out johnny on the spots . what a plot eh ? " ready to rumble " is one of those films that tries to be funny , but sadly fails miserably , everything in the film is imcomprehinsable , and even the trailer wasn't funny . the actors are dull , the script awful , and the plot which there isn't much of . . . . really annoying . i'm not quite sure how great actors like these , and very funny actors too , are given such a lame script , and directed in such a childish manner , that i wonder if hollywood is ever gonna make good films these days . this review isn't going to be very long because of the fact that there isn't much going for the film , if anything at all . only one big laugh is in the film , which isn't all that hilarious . i sat in my chair wondering with this 107 ( ! ! ! ! ! ) minute " comedy " was going to be over , and sadly it went on forever . i'm not sure if anything could have saved this film from being such a total waste , but believe me you , it is . reviewed by brandon herring 4/29/00 for more reviews please visit movie review central at http : //www . geocities . com/moviefan983/moviereviewcentral . html

" there's nothing new under the sun " is a phrase often used when the speaker actually means " let's find something to copy . " of course there are very few completely original ideas . even earth-shattering concepts are built upon the vast body of human experience . there is , after all , no need to re-invent the wheel time after time . recently it seems that hollywood doesn't feel the need to even re-write the script . my understanding of the word " sequel " is a continuation of the story . the film industry has defined the word to mean reshooting the original with minor changes . have an overwhelming desire to see an inferior version of brian depalma's adaptation of the steven king novel ? this is your dream come true . rachel ( emily bergl ) , a high school outcast , is beginning to notice weird things happening around her . doors slam shut by themselves . glass globes blow up . her mother has severe mental problems and her father is absent . a popular boy unexpectedly asks her out . the in-crowd conspires to embarrass her at a public event . any of this sound familiar ? once the audience catches on that this is the same story as " carrie " , there's little to do but wait for the inevitable ending . the effects are a bit better this time around , but the film doesn't work nearly as well . there are a couple of minor plot differences . rachel lives with foster parents because her mother is institutionalized . the boys at her school are portrayed as even more evil than in the original . they keep score of their scoring with points given for each conquest . and , uh , there must be other story changes but none stand out . one nice touch is the casting of amy irving again as sue snell . over 20 years ago she was the one girl who tried to help carrie . now a high school counselor , she befriends rachel , but her character's potential is squandered . there's too much about sue that doesn't make sense . after the slaughter when carrie kills most of her classmates , sue is driven mad and spends time in the institution that rachel's mother is in . still living in the same small town , the woman with a well-known history of mental problems is hired as a high school counselor ? sue tells rachel that her telekinesis is a genetic disease . this may be the one original idea in the film , but the reasoning behind describing psychic powers as a " disease " is never explained . sue's eventual fate is an admission by director katt shea and writer rafael moreu that they had an interesting character but couldn't figure out what to do with her . blink and you'll miss it . some of the events are filmed in black and white , but the rationale for this is unknown . it doesn't add anything and the choice of scenes appears somewhat random . " the rage " retains some of the trappings of " carrie " without the meaning . in the first film the color red was a motif connected to carrie's onset of powers at the same time she began menstruating . here there's an abundance of red , but for no apparent purpose . the casting of high school jocks and cheerleaders as villains is beginning to wear thin . one might be lead to suspect that most filmmakers were unpopular in school and the history of teenage films is an extended cinematic revenge of the nerds . the biggest mistake the film makes is including clips of the original . seeing sissy spacek on the screen only points to the quality of that film - and the flaws in this one .

" mission to mars " is one of those annoying movies where , in the middle of the movie , you get the sneaking suspicion that the reason the trailer looks so good is because they showcased all the best parts of the movie : all five minutes of it . " mission " * does * give you payoff ; but when it does come , it's too little , too late . " mission " has some good ideas , but they get lost in the unbearably boring delivery , dime-a-dozen dialogue , and spate of good actors wasted in cardboard-cutout roles . i'm sure the director and writers were very proud of each hallmark moment they came up with , so they stretch each dramatic moment out like silly putty until it loses all its charm . glances don't communicate any deeper emotions just because you draw them out for five hours on end . the film spends an hour on this kind of stuff , building to its climax . a lot of it is a cliched glorification of family relationships , marriage , friendship , unite we stand divided we fall kind of crap . there are some spectacular special effects sequences in this film , and i give it points for trying to stay true to the science i know ( trying is the key word here ) . the sequence with the martian demonstrating their history is oddly beautiful and touching , but as mentioned by then we're so sick of the goddamn thing we want the movie to be over . great design , good intentions , but no cigar . if you're not a die hard sci-fi , fx or jerry o'connell fan ( his character is the only one who has some semblance of character ) , don't waste your eight bucks on this . and what the hell , tim robbins died halfway through the movie , in a stupid way too . that's just unforgiveable .

synopsis : leonard shelby ( pearce ) is a former insurance investigator on the trail of the man who killed his wife . leonard has only a few clues to the murderer's identity ; to make matters worse , he suffers from a condition which inhibits the creation of short-term memories , meaning that leonard is always forgetting what happened just minutes earlier . because of this , leonard is forced to rely on notes he leaves for himself . " memento " traces the investigation back in time from its apparent culmination . review : " memento " is the sort of movie i wish i'd written ; i can think of no higher praise than that . i am envious that nolan has concocted such a brilliant , involved , original movie as this . an instant film noir classic , " memento " is virtually flawless . the script is unlike any i have ever seen -- a notable achievement in these days of recycled hollywood homogeneity . although the idea of starting at the " conclusion " of the plotline and then moving backward in time to the " start " is not entirely new , never before have i witnessed it executed with such flair and coherence . " memento " is endlessly exciting and inventive , a rare story which keeps the viewers guessing during the film itself , and mulling over its connotations long after leaving the theatre . and it is not merely an exercise in cerebrality ; there is plenty of action and an unexpected dose of humour to keep the proceedings lively . nolan's direction is equally effective , never losing its crispness and clarity despite " memento " 's challenging gimmick . and to top everything off , all the performances rise to the occasion . pierce is terrific as the troubled leonard ; moss shows great range as enigmatic natalie ; and pantoliano's teddy achieves a splendidly affable yet sinister quality . " memento " may be the year's best screenplay , and is certainly amongst the top theatrical attractions of 2001 .

the first scene of operation condor has jackie chan preparing for a secret mission . he attempts to pop a couple of pieces of chewing gum into his mouth , but misses . after they ricochet off his face , he says , " not a good start . " as it turns out , this line not only gives foreshadowing to the opening sequence , but to the rest of the movie as well . in this , the latest of the jackie chan movies to be released in america after first runs in hong kong , chan plays an international operative codenamed " condor " , and is tasked by the united nations with finding a stash of gold hidden at a secret base by the nazi's during their retreat across the saharan desert during the second world war . for some reason , condor is given his mission at the u . s . embassy in spain . i think this may have been done so that in a chase scene , they could honor the time old tradition of knocking over a fruit cart . watch for it in any chase scene set in a foreign country , most notably in europe . the chase will take itself through a marketplace , and a fruit cart will be overturned . it's almost a guarantee . anyway . . . . condor is given a key which is supposed to unlock a giant vault in which the gold is hidden ; the problem is that the key has insulators integrated into it , which may mean a booby trap might be electronically triggered if the key is used improperly . to help him figure out where the gold is hidden and how to use the key correctly , condor is accompanied by a desert expert ( carol cheng ) and the granddaughter of the captain who was in charge of hiding the gold ( eva cobo ) . there aren't supposed to be any relatives of the nazi captain living in spain , but condor finds the granddaughter by looking her up in the phone book or something . although these two women are supposed to be integral parts of the mission , they prove no help at all except to get in trouble and provide an excuse for chan to jump into his martial arts . in fact , most of the scenes are so ridiculously contrived that it seems everything is just a way to set up a fight . i suppose this isn't so bad , since chan's action is really the best part of the movie , and the only reason you go to see one of his films anyway . if you've never seen a jackie chan movie , don't expect a great plot , but do expect to be entertained by his moves . they are so well choreographed and often so amazing that you wonder if this guy is human . knowing that he does his own stunts , and knowing that this is the real stuff ( no computer-masked bungee cords here ) makes the action sequences all the more exciting . you've got to hand it to a guy who's probably broken every bone in his body for the sake of his art . also of note in this , as in any jackie chan movie , is the humor . as far as i know , none of his films take themselves too seriously , and even the dramatic parts have a certain tongue-in-cheek quality about them . what is almost masterful is the way that humor is even integrated into the fight scenes . unlike a martial arts film such as anything with jean claude van damme , where the fights get you on the visceral level , fight scenes in chan's movies are simply entertaining . you marvel at both his moves and at the way he employs them in such a way to make you laugh . unfortunately , even chan's mastery can't save this film . the plot and characters are so weak that they don't hold the movie together at all , and the acting is terrible . carol cheng has apparently won best actress honors at the hong kong movie awards in the past , but since operation condor is a dubbed movie it kind of takes all bets off . this , combined with an obviously low production value made we want to turn away from the screen until i heard those kicks start flying .

seen february 15 , 1998 on home video ( borrowed from chris wessell ) . when it comes to modern gangster movies , it's really difficult to describe and review them without making comparisons to other films of the genre and/or just using the word " routine . " i've always subscribed to the philosophy that any idea ( no matter how many times it's been used before ) can provide for a good story and " donnie brasco " clinches this idea . it's not unlike most of the great films of the genre , yet it never apes another's style as it has a good layer of authenticity , even if its core is a tad stale . the film starts off in typical fashion by defining its atmosphere of new york city in the late 1970s and the mobsters who inhibit it . we meet lefty ( pacino ) , an aging wiseguy who can still walk the walk and talk the talk . he and his associates go through the generic motions you expect to see in crime films like this . somehow he comes across donnie brasco ( depp ) , a younger guy with a lot of spunk who isn't afraid of lefty and his rep , and even manages to befriend him after lefty was ready to kill him . it's clear donnie is new to the life and lefty recognizes this immediately , telling him all the tricks of the trade . i have never seen this technique of actually revealing the mafioso idiosyncrasies done before and for this the film deserves credit . however , we soon realize donnie is actually joe pistone , an fbi agent working undercover - a character who symbolizes the viewer as he will soon be purged into the lifestyle and treated as a newcomer . the first act works as a guided to ot of rhetoric about wiseguy honor , a brief history of the mob , definitions of their slang , and where their money comes from and who it goes to . the screenplay is rather sketchy on the details surrounding these elements , however , the fact they are mentioned at all is quite original . most gangster movies seem to be made with the notion the viewer already knows how the mob works ( probably from watching other gangster movies ) , and although this attitude comes across , the film tries to fill in all the holes where and when it can and the effort is appreciable . thankfully the film doesn't become too caught up in the tedious details of organized crime , and instead opts for character development . much of the story is told simply through the interaction between lefty and donnie . pacino is outstanding here as the pathetic hood who speaks of his job in the same manner any blue collar worker would . he's old and exhausted but seems to enjoy what he does , just as anyone loyal to the same employer for over 30 years might be . we learn of his accomplishments , which are quite impressive within their context , and when he complains about not being made top boss , it's easy to sympathize with him . newell constantly plays up this aspect , making it a major theme which works well in the long run . as donnie is constantly impressing and even one-upping lefty , it's hard to tell which emotion is more powerful : the fact donnie is getting closer to nailing the mob ; or the fact lefty has once again been over shadowed . most of the film tells the story of donnie's life in mafia , which creates for many sub-plots and individual conflicts , but doesn't always seem to come together as a whole . the storytelling is genuinely interesting throughout , even when the motions the characters go through seem familiar . the resonance to donnie's actual assignment varies , he often reports back to the feds with detail of his progress , but it doesn't always seem to have much meaning . back home , his wife maggie ( heche ) is ready to divorce him because he's never a and the family is suffering . since this is based on a true story i wouldn't doubt this would happen , although the way it is handled often borders on the melodramatic . my only major complaint is the film seems to have no final act , or at least any real sense of closure . a climax of sorts does occur , but there's little feeling of a payoff . we get a happy ending , which is good , but perhaps a sad ending would have been more powerful . aside from a few minor , general flaws , " donnie brasco " manages to be a solid piece of storytelling and character development . it may be routine , but it's good , and that's respectful .

there's something about ben stiller that makes him a popular choice among casting directors these days . stiller currently has three projects in circulation , and what other actor can lay claim to that ? he's in " there's something about mary , " which i * still * haven't seen . and he's in the acerbic " your friends & neighbors , " playing a talkative , sexually-frustrated drama coach called jerri . now there's " permanent midnight , " in which stiller plays another jerry , this one a heroin-addicted television writer , last name stahl . there's also something about this industry that pushes bankable stars like stiller into doing drug-addiction pictures the minute they've proved themselves commercially . ewan mcgregor springs to mind who , after successful turns in " emma " and " brassed off , " received greater respect and admiration for his mind-blowing realization as renton in danny boyle's transatlantic junk-fest , " trainspotting . " the philosophy appears to be a simple one : if you want 'em to be taken seriously , make 'em do drugs . " permanent midnight " is based on the true life experiences of jerry stahl , a successful hollywood writer who , in the mid-eighties , had a $5 , 000-a-week job churning out plotlines for disposable tv sitcoms and a $6 , 000-a-week heroin habit . a habit , in stahl's own words , " the size of utah . " as stahl , stiller contributes a commanding performance . unlike " trainspotting , " which was successful in having it both ways by chronicling both the highs and the lows of heroin abuse , " permanent midnight " instead focuses on the concept of drug addiction as maintenance . one of the earliest observations in the film is a casual reference to " naked lunch " author william s . burroughs who , when asked why he shoots up first thing in the morning responds , " so i can shave . " stahl rarely appears to be puncturing veins for the thrill of it all in " permanent midnight " ; it's so he can talk to his mother on the phone , show up for work on time , even pay his bills . while the film itself occasionally wobbles around along with stahl , the writing ( adapted from stahl's autobiography by director david veloz ) is controlled and pointed . " permanent midnight " shows how stahl moved from new york to l . a . to--again in the author's words-- " escape the drug scene " ( yeah , right ) ; why he entered into a convenient marriage with a british tv exec ( elizabeth hurley , so impossibly polite you'd swear her single profanity was dubbed ) ; and that he conceived a child in between his random hirings and firings . stahl narrates all this in a motel bedroom to a sympathetic lover called kitty ( norristown's own maria bello ) with whom he spent some rehab time . janeane garofalo is wasted--and miscast--as a heavily-bespectacled hollywood talent agent who fails to get her hooks into the doped-up wordsmith , and that's stahl himself playing a jaded clinic counselor . stiller , unshaven ( burroughs take note ) and with lots of mascara around the eyes , has stahl stumble through the film looking like a train wreck but , to his credit , never once pushes his pill-popping , needle-jabbing performance over the top . the ubiquitous stiller is the reason to see " permanent midnight " ; a dark , comic , and strangely absorbing study of assisted living .

the thirteenth floor , the third in what i would call " the reality check movie series " , is very similar to the other reality check movies released this year , the matrix and existenz . all three made you think , made you wonder what is real , what isn't , and if our world is just a huge game . the thirteenth floor doesn't reach the level of originality , creativity , and curiosity sparked by the matrix and existenz , but it certainly gives a great shot at it . in the matrix , we were told that the humans are simply a virus . in existenz , we learned that our life could be just a game . in the thirteenth floor , we learn that we are just electronic devices , living under another world of electronic devices . there is just one world on top of another , and everything in them are fake and electronically generated . the thirteenth floor took a huge , risky turn that i didn't expect it to take , and i'm not very sure it was such a great turn to make . rather than focusing just on the reality parts of the film , the thirteenth floor becomes a murder mystery that ends up tying in with the different worlds . after the mysterious murder of computer program designer hammond fuller , played by armin mueller-stahl , douglas hall , played by craig bierko , a man that worked under fuller for many years , must travel through an electronic computer device that fuller was using , to the year 1937 , which consists of computer generated characters only . the simulation of 1937 is just like it was back in the olden days . all of the people involved are just characters , or are they ? douglas strongly believes that a character traveled through the transport from their world to ours , and killed fuller . along the way , douglas interacts with many different potential suspects , and a woman who claims to be the daughter of fuller , jane fuller , played wonderfully by a talented young actress , gretchen mol . the thirteenth floor is a plot driven movie from the time the film gets going , and doesn't use spectacular special effects and big sound to keep the viewer's interests . i was worried that this film would be too much like the matrix and existenz , and i wouldn't enjoy it , but there were enough twists and turns to keep me thinking and attentive to the film . unfortunately , many potential would have been great scenes were thrown away with predictable content , letting the viewer know the outcome of the scene long before it happened . the scenes that aren't original or interesting seem to go absolutely nowhere , leaving you wondering , " what is the point of this ? " sometimes it was hard to believe that this story , with terrible dialogue , some bad acting , especially from craig bierko , and scenes that go absolutely nowhere , are actually true . i know this isn't a true story or anything , but a film should be able to make you think that it is . on the plus side of acting , we get to see the missing from main character action since the film masterpiece shine in 1995 actor , armin mueller-stahl . in the thirteenth floor , he is back and is still giving believable and amazing performances . another plus is gretchen mol's realistic performance , creating her character with depth , not just staying in the one-dimensional phase . don't expect the intensity of the matrix or existenz to come out of the thirteenth floor , just expect another film that messes with your mind for awhile , and shuts you down like any other movie would . thrills , chills , and spills aren't what you will get in this film , but you will just get another trip to send your mind on , scrambling it until you've had enough . the bottom line- let's hope this is the last of the " reality check " based movies for awhile .

" saving silverman " is a good example of a good comedy gone bad . as a love story it is good , however as a comedy it falls flat on it's face . i think throughout the short 90 minutes i laughed a total of seven times . . . and those were just chuckles at the most ! the movie doesn't have the oomph to make it a great movie , and doesn't have the script to make it a funny movie . wayne lefessier ( steven zahn ) , j . d . mcnugent ( jack black ) , and darren silverman ( jason biggs ) have grown up all their lives together , they have been best friends forever and vow to stay close till the end . while in a bar after doing a show with their band , based on their love of neil diamond , darren meets a young woman named judith ( amanda peet ) whom he instantly falls for . wayne and j . d . however think differently and when judith tells darren that he can never see his friends again , it's up to wayne and j . d . to try and begin saving silverman . the performances are topnotch and surprisingly , they are what keep the movie afloat . jason biggs right off the flop " loser " does an ok job playing silverman , but he is stale and flat at times . steve zahn is perfect in the role of wayne lefessier , and even though the movie is about silverman , lefessier is really the main character and the narrator of the movie itself . jack black is well jack black , and he does an all right job as j . d . but he isn't as funny as he has been in the past . amanda peet plays the ultimate bitch as judith , and neil diamond plays neil diamond ( he's better at singing than acting ) . anyway the performances in the film are good , but it's too bad the script isn't . speaking of script , hank nelkan's choppy script is not only badly written , but not funny enough even for an episode of sesame street . the trailer for the movie , as with most movies gives away everything that happens in the movie , especially the funniest parts . somewhere " saving silverman " was meant to be a good movie , and it could have been , but alas in the end it wasn't . dennis dugan's direction is all right , he adds a few directorial touches here and there , nothing special being a simple comedy . " saving silverman " is a perfectly bad movie in more ways than one . it has a great cast , a good director and a sweet story . . . it's just too bad it has a bad script and is all together a bad movie .

eyes wide shut isn't the masterpiece many were hoping to see in stanley kubrick's final film , but it is an impressive achievement ; a mesmerizing , haunting , adult psychodrama about marriage , fidelity and sex . it's a stanley kubrick film from beginning to end , consistently exhibiting the auteur's trademark penchant for long , continuous takes , his unparalleled deftness behind the camera and his uncanny ability to extract gorgeous performances from his exhausted cast ( indeed , eyes wide shut attained infamy even before its release for its notoriously laborious shoot : kubrick , a renowned perfectionist , reportedly held his cast " hostage " on the set for nearly a year ) . in an uncharacteristic maneuver , kubrick cast two big-name stars in the lead roles , namely real-life husband and wife tom cruise and nicole kidman . they play bill and alice harford , a volatile couple who , during the course of a couple nights , ponder the validity of the idea that a husband and a wife must be faithful to each other . he is an m . d . , she's unemployed and we are introduced to them as they are getting ready to go to a fancy party . at the affair , they are both propositioned and both nearly succumb to the temptation to play around with someone else . when they return to their lavish new york apartment kidman ( after smoking a dash of weed ) inquires whether her husband had sex with two models who approached him during the night . he ( truthfully ) says that he did not and asks what happened with that hungarian guy she was dancing with . they proceed to argue until alice tells her spouse a lustful story : evidently some time ago , she had a thing for a young naval officer . she admits that she was ready to give up her whole future with bill and their young daughter if this guy wanted her even for one night . bill is jolted by alice's story and we anticipate his reaction , but at that moment he gets a phone call and has to go " show his face " at the house of a just-deceased patient . this turns out to be the beginning of a long and eventful night on the town . the daughter of the dead patient hits on him but he wisely turns her down . he almost does the dirty deed with a kindly hooker who approaches him on the street . then , through a series of coincidences , he winds up at a gothic mansion where a ritualistic ( and frankly , creepy ) orgy takes place , with costumed people performing various public sex acts on each other . erotic dread mounts as cruise ( who's not supposed to be there ) wonders the spacious halls watching the " action " until he is discovered to be an outsider . much hoopla has been raised over the fact that warner bros . digitally edited the orgy scene . with the help of a computer , they put in cloaked figures to block some of the actual sex acts ( they can still be seen , just not in all their glory ) in order to avoid the dreaded nc-17 rating . european viewers will see the film as kubrick envisioned it . roger ebert calls the american version the " austin powers version , " and many others have bashed the alterations . i am of the potentially controversial opinion that the figures only supplement the scene's mystical atmosphere . the first thing one notices about eyes wide shut is how it looks . this is an artful , distinctively gorgeous production , shot in dark , moody hues and featuring some elaborate , beautiful scenery . from the giant mansion used in the film's centerpiece to the decor at the christmas party to the harford's apartment , this film is always a pleasure to look at . to boot , a great soundtrack makes it more atmospheric still . at the core , behind the graphic , controversial content and unappealing mood , this is a good-natured movie that emphasizes the importance of fidelity . it looks at sex as almost perfunctory by portraying it as unnerving rather than erotic . it's something superficial and yet something necessary to achieve a deeper relationship . at the end , it seems , bill's eyes are wide open to the special kind of love he and his wife have for each other , more meaningful than anything he could ever hope to find on the streets of new york . kubrick elicits wonderful performances from both cruise and kidman . tom is completely convincing as dr . harford , a man who seems guided solely by destiny , with no control of the course his life will take . nicole projects a quiet intensity as the jittery yet aggressive wife and her performance is stunningly effective : she's headed for an oscar nod . the movie has some help from a similarly strong supporting cast , at the head of which is director-cum-thespian sidney pollock , enigmatic and articulate as harford's mysterious friend . eyes wide shut is not perfect : the last hour could have used a slightly more scissor-happy editor and both cruise and kidman are too good- looking for me to believe that either would have a very strong temptation to philander . still , this is an important work from a great director , and while it may not be on par with some of stanley kubrick's best it is a worthy final film , a complex exploration of jealousy and faithfulness . ? 1999 eugene novikov&#137 ;

in " twilight , " a ex-alcoholic , ex-cop , ex-husband , ex-private-eye , harry ross ( paul newman ) , works for a pair of aging hollywood actors , catherine ( susan sarandon ) and jack ames ( gene hackman ) . jack is being blackmailed , and he asks harry to deliver the payoff . instead of the blackmailers , harry finds a dying ex-cop ( m . emmet walsh ) . as more bodies begin to pile up , harry realizes that he will have to solve the disappearance of catherine's first husband twenty years earlier to find out who's willing to kill to keep that secret buried . newman . sarandon . hackman . with an a-list cast of oscar laureates like that , " twilight " would seem very promising . however , the script is tired and predictable . it would serve well as a tv-movie-of-the-week , possibly with some 1970's detective hero reprising his role . the appeal of the project for its stars and its director , robert benton , is nostalgia . " twilight " wants very much to be a 1940's film noir with alan ladd or dick powell . all of the standard tropes are here : a hard-boiled p . i . among the rich and beautiful whose glamour hides sinister secrets , a femme fatale who tempts and confounds the hero , shadowy figures shooting from doorways , dead bodies confronting the hero at every turn , cops dogging his path and interfering with his investigation . the script offers little originality , and co-authors benton and richard russo seem unaware that what was original in 1948 is a clich ? in 1998 . elmer bernstein's score is hauntingly melodic and could have been drawn note-for-note from a vintage noir . the lead actors try hard-none of the three has every made less than a full effort , even when burdened with a bad script . they try to invest every line and gesture with meaning , and they create a convincing sense of the relationships between the main characters . harry is fond of jack but is in love with catherine . jack is dying of cancer and is jealous of harry's love for catherine . catherine teases harry and enjoys his attention , but her real feelings are hidden beneath a carefully-maintained veneer . " twilight " wants to be character-driven like " nobody's fool " ( also directed by benton , also starring newman , based on a novel by russo ) was , but the tired script gives the actors too little to work with . " twilight " also squanders a fine supporting cast : stockard channing ( harry's friend on the police force ) , reese witherspoon ( jack & catherine's bratty kid ) , giancarlo esposito ( the humorous sidekick ) , john spencer ( harry's nemesis on the force ) , liev schreiber and margo martindale ( the blackmailers ) , and james garner ( a cop who bailed movie stars out of trouble ) .

one of the first films of 1999 is this mtv pictures release which marks the first leading feature role for james van der beek , the star of the wb's runaway hit dawson's creek . following in the foot steps of mtv's two other live action films , joe's apartment ( 1996 ) and dead man on campus ( 1998 ) , varsity blues is a bad film and is unlikely to cause much of a sensation in the marketplace . set in west cannan , texas , the film examines the small town obsession with high school football through the eyes of second string quarterback john " mox " moxon ( van der beek ) . we know he's smart because he reads kurt vonnegut instead of the playbook . coach bud kilmer ( jon voight ) has been around so long there is actually a bronze statue commemorating him . the star quarterback , lance harbor ( paul walker ) , is a handsome , blonde , hero who has his own billboard in his front yard and dates the sexy head cheerleader , darcy ( ali larter ) . also on the team are an enormous guy ( ron lester ) with some health problems and the token african-american team member ( eliel swinton ) whose only real dialogue scene deals directly with the color of his skin . when lance is seriously injured , mox gets his chance to shine and he runs with it , undermining kilmer with his unusual playing strategies . his relationship with his dutiful girlfriend , jules ( amy smart ) , is threatened and there's a big game at the end . guess who wins ? nothing about varsity blues is inspired and the whole film simply moves through the sort of conventional motions that coach kilmer would love . there's a chance for some smart satire on small town obsessions but the humor here is decidedly lowbrow . van der beek does a decent job of carrying his first film although a silly accent trips him up sometimes . also , the role isn't very much of a stretch from his dawson leary character . he's still a pseudo-intellectual , whiny , nice guy , except here he also happens to be a jock . voight is a terror as he chews up every single piece of scenery and spits it out . the other adults are all notably awful while the younger performers don't fare much better . on the positive side , walker is a charismatic actor who is due for a breakout role following this and his supporting turn in pleasantville ( 1998 ) . scott ( son of james ) caan has some lively moments as tweeder , the team's wild man . larter , as a gorgeous seductress looking for a one way ticket out of texas , gets to show off the film's most interesting costumes , including a very eye-opening " whipped cream bikini . " it's interesting to note that the film definitely earns its r-rating with a lot of harsh language , alcohol abuse and an unusually high amount of nudity ( including a gratuitous trip to a strip bar that reveals a not very surprising surprise ) . all this is likely to come as a shock to the young female fan base of dawson's creek , presumably the target audience for the picture . director brian robbins previously helmed the kids feature good burger ( from nickelodeon films , a sister company of mtv ) and changes directions here a bit but still fails to make much of an impression . the look of the movie is as bland as the town and characters who populate it . the football scenes are generally unexciting and the entire film looks a bit washed out . there's an ok soundtrack featuring music from collective soul , foo fighters , green day and aaliyah but it's not as impressive as one would expect from a mtv film .

bruce willis stars as malcolm , an award winning child psychologist who discovers one night that one of his former patients is still suffering from inner demons . the now grown man breaks into his apartment while he and his wife ( olivia williams from rushmore ) are celebrating his award , shoots malcolm in the stomach , then takes his own life . almost nine months later , malcolm discovers cole ( haley joel osment , in a brilliant performance ) , another young man afflicted with the same turmoil as his former patient . he takes on the child's case in the hope of redeeming himself for botching up the previous one , alienating his wife in the process . he soon discovers that they boy can see and speak to the dead , and his life becomes forever turned upside down . although the first hour is very slow , the sixth sense turns out to be a very powerful and moving film . i was expecting this film to be mercury rising 2 , but was astonished to discover an extremely well plotted out little thriller with an outstandingly satisfying ending . you'll find yourself mentally retracing your steps through the film to see if you actually saw what you think you did once the credits roll . i must give m . night shyamalan a lot of credit for a brilliantly written screenplay . the cast should also be given a lot of credit for making the movie as solid as it is . a lesser cast could have made this film a joke . bruce willis portrays his character perfectly , balancing his need to help cole and his agony over his strained relationship with his wife skillfully . haley joel osment shines as nine year old cole , showing patience in his character that few young actors these days can pull off . toni collette , looking markedly different from her pathetic character in muriel's wedding , gives a strong performance as cole's mother , who is trying to cope with both her son's " illness " and the passing of her mother . finally , olivia williams deftly portrays a woman having to struggle with a husband who's not around and flirtations with a co-worker that could lead to a begrudgingly accepted end . it's a shame that they show cole's abilities in the trailer , because the movie takes close to forty minutes to get around to doing the same , so we already know what's going on before most of the rest of the cast does . in retrospect though , the forty minute set-up is essential to enjoying the end of the film , so i have fewer complaints now then i did while i was watching the film . i'm glad that the run of teen-styled horror films has passed and filmmakers are starting to make more adult fare . films like this , the similarly themed stir of echoes , and countless others to be released later in the year should make for a pretty entertaining close to 1999 . [pg-13]

coinciding with the emerging popularity of movies that deal with anything related to serial killers , relentless , 1989 low budget thriller about lapd detective sam dietz , played by character actor leo rossi , spawned three more sequels . relentless 3 , third in the row , features sam dietz again , but this time detective , who had to catch vicious serial killer in his very first case , doesn't want to deal with similar line of work . divorced , demoralised and transferred , he reluctantly returns to his old post when los angeles becomes a hunting ground for another serial killer , and evidence indicate connection with one of dietz's old cases . to make things even more interesting , it seems that the killer deliberately stages murders in order to bring dietz to the investigation . fans of the british tv films and mini-series like prime suspect or cracker would probably see a lot of similarities relentless series of movies . they both feature vicious psychopathic killers , yet also give a lot of , usually depressive , details about chief investigator's private lives . this one isn't an exception , but similarities with british television are only in content . the execution and style is different , which makes this film mediocre piece of entertainment at best . useless , gratuitous erotica also doesn't help either , obviously making this film longer than it should be . the actors are good , though - leo rossi is fine as usual , and william forsythe plays one of more compelling villains in his career . signy coleman as dietz's love interest , is , on the other hand , quite miscast . but she won't have to worry about it in the future career , since relentless 3 wasn't supposed to be anybody's finest moment anyway .

seen may 2 , 1998 at 3 : 40 p . m . at the crossgates cinema 18 , theater #13 , with chris wessell and sean o'shea for $5 . [theater rating : * * * 1/2 : very good sound , picture , and seats] the big-budget , mega-hype " event " movie is becoming so trendy now it is becoming a weekly routine instead of a seasonal one . gluttony is hollywood's favorite sin , but it is the movie-goers who pay the price by being dealt the same things over and over on an ever-worsening basis . " lost in space " is the latest such offering - a film so poor it would be twice as good if it were mediocre . it's made up of every element of science fiction , but at no time does it evoke the slightest amount of wonderment the genre was meant for . audiences' attention spans are rapidly decreasing and as is the trend with such films , this one opens with a fast-paced space battle which serves not only as the most interesting scene in the film ( probably because it has " star wars " written all over it ) , but as the producers' way of showing off their budget through the special effects . battle scenes are worthless without tension , and since we have no idea what the setting is it's impossible to care about anything that happens . in essence , the entire segment works like a teaser for an arcade game , not a piece of filmmaking . we meet the robinson family - a family of five that does not get along but has been chosen to act on earth's behalf in effort to find another planet worthy of colonization due to the exhausting of our natural resources . each member of the family has a special trait and personality , and yet none of them seem like actual people . professor john robinson ( hurt ) is the intelligent , quiet leader who has devoted so much time to his work his family and marriage are suffering without his realizing it ( it's obvious what role this aspect will play ) . of course this is all established through extremely melodramatic scenes such as the children and parents arguing and bickering among themselves and with each other , while the necessary problems are " resolved " at the right moments . the only thing worse than the screenplay is the fact it's presented in a completely serious manner without a trace of satire , and is so pathetic it's laughable . the first act is not a building of a story , but a juxtaposition of scenes that serve no purpose other than to plug in all the required elements ( such as plot , conflict , and characterization - god forbid ! ) . we're provided with the minimum amount possible of these elements to keep the film from being completely silent . in fact , it might as well be since the dialogue is virtually non-existent . yes , the characters do speak , but they do not talk . they say things that only relate to the conflict , but they never really interact ( unless it's the cartoony flirting scenes between arrogant major don west ( leblanc ) and uptight , unemotional judy robinson ( graham ) ) . it's amazing that after an hour of trite dialogue and generic plot devices that so little happens . eventually the pacing rapidly increases , but the amount of genuine interest does not . the story finally gains some prospective by living up to its title as the robinsons find themselves lost in space after narrowly managing to defeat dr . smith ( oldman ) , the cartoony villain , and his plans for sabotage . what ensues is a series upon series of completely unrelated conflicts . the first such scene takes place on an abandoned spaceship and what ensues could best be described as " alien " -lite . the story changes again when the robinsons crash land on an alien planet and must act quickly to escape it and survive . but there's never any real notion of suspense here because the script constantly wanders aimlessly . plotlines are developed , but each becomes totally irrelevant as the story changes from scenario to scenario . the atmosphere attempts to be surreal by incorporating time travel and various time paradoxes , but it's presented in such a ridiculous way it's utterly boring . by the time the last act rolls around , there is no sense of a payoff building . the ending does not go out on a high note with any kind of climax , instead , it seems to come to a sudden halt ( but at least it ends at all ) . " lost in space " is major film production at its worst . it's frightening that a film so poorly written , directed , and acted might be considered mainstream entertainment .

i have a great idea for a movie , one that can't miss . see , i've got coolio to do a song for the soundtrack , and about fifty athletes and celebrities to do cameo appearances . it's about professional basketball , so i'll release it right around the nba finals to guarantee added publicity . as for what the movie is actually about . . . well , that will all sort itself out eventually . i figure it will be a comedy , so i'll throw a half-dozen writers at it and take the best of whatever they come up with . maybe we'll put a gender spin on it , see if we can get some women out to see it , too . eddie is one of those phenomenally lazy films that infuriates me more than any other kind . twister , as inane as the script might have been , at least required some creative technicians ; mission : impossible , overwrought plot and all , at least involved genuine effort . eddie just sits there , hawking up a formula story without any laughs , and makes every possible bad decision when a decision is required . whoopi goldberg plays eddie franklin , a new york limo driver and die-hard knicks fan who is suffering through a dismal season for her beloved team . coach john bailey ( dennis farina ) has lost control of his overpaid prima donnas , and the losses are beginning to mount . the dwindling attendance inspires new team owner wild bill burgess ( frank langella ) to try a publicity stunt in which a lucky fan will get to be an honorary coach of the team . the winner ( surprise , surprise ) is eddie , who becomes a fan favorite , and eventually the actual coach . the knicks continue to lose , but eddie has some sassy tricks up her sleeve to inspire her troops . incidentally , the knicks eventually start winning . please raise your hand if that comes as a shock , and i will invite you to my all-night marathon of the bad news bears , major league , angels in the outfield , the mighty ducks , the big green , cool runnings and little giants . awful teams in sports comedies make miraculous turnarounds ; it's what they do . those teams usually involve kids , for a very sound comedic reason : it's funnier when they screw up , and they're more sympathetic . those which _don't_ involve kids usually have actual actors in the lead roles , for another very sound comedic reason : they generally have developed some sort of comic timing . eddie was cast under the misguided premise that it's easier to make basketball players look like actors than it is to make actors look like basketball players . this finds nba players like greg ostertag , dwayne schintzius , rick fox and malik sealy delivering punch lines as though they were reading them for the first time off a bazooka wrapper ( though sacramento kings center olden polynice has a nice moment describing a black hole to fellow players ) . perhaps that all didn't matter to anyone because there are so few punch lines , and because the whole film is one big casting gimmick . steve rash directs the spiritless script as though waving a flag of surrender and screaming , " don't blame me , i just work here . " perhaps it was patently obvious to him that eddie isn't a movie -- it's a cameo appearance that trips over a plot every once in a while . among the notables who lend their faces to this travesty are donald trump , new york mayor rudolph giulianni , former new york mayor ed koch , david letterman , letterman regulars mujibur rahman and sirajul islam , espn broadcaster chris berman and knicks announcer marv albert , as well as dozens of nba players and several nba arenas . and those are the real jokes in eddie . nothing these individuals say or do is funny ; you are supposed to be laughing simply because you notice , " hey , it's donald trump ! " or " hey , it's mujibur and sirajul ! " it's difficult to decide whether eddie is so bad because it was so shamelessly lacking in imagination or because it can't even get the cliches in a cliche-ridden genre script right . the knicks coach who is eddie's antagonist early in the film reappears at the end , but he isn't given a chance to be the villain eddie desperately needs . neither is frank langella , and none of the athlete-actors have the ability to give whoopi goldberg anything to play off of . that leaves her to do her street-wise miss thang routine , but with no character , no sharp lines and no help . eddie isn't just a bad movie with a formulaic premise . it's a movie that makes you feel cheated and offended , because someone came up with a poster and a marketing plan to which they had to attach an actual movie , and you had the nerve to believe it was going to be a comedy .

i rented this movie with very high hopes . this movie got praise as one of the best films of 1998 , and unfortunately , was not as good as i hoped , but was still very intriguing and thought provoking . first of all , the casting for this film is great . tobey maguire and reese witherspoon are the future of hollywood . they play their roles as the parker brother and sister perfectly . with a plot as unbelievable as this film , you need chemistry and honest acting from your cast . tobey and reese ( bud and mary sue parker ) play their roles perfectly and display their characters with honesty and believability . william h . macy , an actor i have grown to love over the past year , turns in another great performance as the tv dad who is torn over his wife , a " colored " person and his friends , the " non-colored " ones . he also displays believability and must display a certain lack of chemistry with his wife . he does this perfectly and yet again shows why he should be one of the top actors in hollywood . joan allen is equally great as betty parker , the ideal tv mom . her character is the most ambitious . she is very na ? ve , and must display this well to make her character believable and she does just that . her lack of chemistry with macy , which the role calls for , and her developed chemistry with jeff daniels is terrific , and if daniels would have been as stellar as the rest of the cast , then this film would even been even better . as said before , jeff daniels gives a bad performance . his character displays the change going on throughout the town , yet he does not display it with enough conviction . his character is very confusing and he is not very believable . this film could have been elevated to a whole new level had daniels been able to give a better performance . the movie is very provocative . it challenges the issues of racism that existed in the past and that still exist today . i really was not expecting all of the elements they brought up , but they pulled them off with such flair that it was mind blowing . they demonstrate the racism issue without a hitch , but do it in a slow pace . the only major flaw in the film besides the performance by daniels is length . some films are not meant to be that long . pleasantville is one of those films . this film could have been so much better had they not moved so slowly to it . first , they are amazed by the implementation of color . then they want to have it . then they do not want to . then the war ensues between the colored and non-colored . this is all strung out over two hours , which was way too long . some movies need a lot of time . saving private ryan was a little bit under three hours long and i thought it could have used more time . this film is only two hours long , and seems much longer . length is everything in films . if you can nail down the perfect timing and pace , you can win half the battle . pleasantville can move at a good pace at times , but it is not consistent enough . overall , pleasantville is a very pleasant and provocative departure from the predictability of most films these days . i went in expecting a light-hearted film about change . i left learning an important lesson about racism and the way things change . luckily , pleasantville teaches this lesson in such a way to make it appeal to all audiences . only if it could have done in a shorter amount of time .

the swooping shots across darkened rooftops suggest a very tim burton movie , but , alas , no caped crusader descends to save * this * film . instead , it's a skeletal housemaid ( julia roberts ) who must bear witness to this unfortunate retelling of " dr . jekyll and mr . hyde . " for a few , fleeting , maddening moments , director stephen frears ( dangerous liaisons ) gets everything just right-- the tone , the colors , the characters ; all the ingredients to make a most-powerful potion out of valerie martin's best-selling novel . yet it fizzles too quickly ; the volatile mixture losing potency from the very first scene . casting is a large part of the problem . the story all but collap- ses around ms . roberts-- she doesn't have the range for this kind of drama . her accent also comes and goes , though it's nowhere near as glaring as the total lack of chemistry between her and co-star john malkovich . ( he looks the same in both of his roles-- an incredible fact that's missed by everyone in the story ! ) the very british supporting cast-- including michael gambon and george cole-- gives credibility to the smaller parts . glenn close also appears as a madam that the good doctor calls upon . her performance is as close to intentional camp as the movie ever gets and-- as a bonus-- offers a likely peek at her upcoming cruella de ville in the live-action 101 dalmantions . the biggest botch in mary reilly is suspense : there is none . no terror , no tension ; nothing . without any weight , wit , or wonder to propel the story , the viewer is left with little more to do than pay attention to the period detail , a few buckets of blood , and stuart craig's fabulously dreary production design . all of which gets old after about an hour , at which point i recommend leaving . ( the pacing in the second-half is especially abominable . if you * do * stick it through , your sole reward is a half-hokey special effect depicting the infamous transformation . ) mr . frears reportedly recut his film several times , missing several release dates in the process . ( obviously , no one advised him to throw up his hands and just turn the whole damned thing over to mel brooks . blucher ! ) mary reilly is the second robert louis stevenson story of the month , after muppet treasure island . perhaps mr . frears should consult with brian henson on future projects . i daresay that even ms . piggy is a better choice for a certain roles than julia roberts . and she does have a great chop !

disney's " air bud " tells a boy-and-his-dog story with a twist -- the pooch is quite an accomplished basketball player . granted , for a family comedy , it's not a very funny or successful idea to begin with , but it doesn't seem to matter -- " air bud " is surprisingly solemn . save for occasional moments of forced slapstick , the movie wags its tale with a straight face -- not a very enjoyable approach . if " air bud " had realized its own absurdity , then it possibly could have been better . here , we're actually asked to cheer a moment when the dog marches out to save the big game , clad in two pairs of sneakers and even a jersey . its number ? k9 . yeah , whatever . the movie opens as golden retriever buddy ( as himself ) escapes from his current owner , abusive clown-for-hire norm snively ( michael jeter ) . he ends up in fernwell , washington , where mopey new-kid-on-the-block josh ( kevin zegers ) is trying to cope with the move and the recent death of his father . buddy , kevin . kevin , buddy . once the dog proves his on-court prowess , kevin's self-esteem rockets . they both win places in the school's basketball team , with the animal as their mascot . but before they can make it to the finals , snively surfaces to reclaim buddy . everything plays out just as one would think : heavy on predictability , light on an actual story . the movie follows a calculated chain of events -- kevin's gloom fades , snively gets his comeuppance and buddy contracts rabies and must be executed old yeller-style . okay , that last one's a lie , but at least it would have been a quicker send-off than " air bud " 's courtroom climax -- no joke ! there's even a faux-cute musical montage where a reluctant buddy gets cleaned-up to " splish splash . " paint cans are spilled and newspapers are buried , all in the name of formula . the end credits note that " no special visual effects were used in the basketball sequences of this motion picture . " that very well may be true , and although to see a dog sink shots is quite a sight , a movie cannot exist on feat alone . but " air bud " doesn't seem to be interested in anything else . a friend of mine insists he saw buddy a while back on a segment of david letterman's " stupid pet tricks . " i can't think of a more appropriate connection -- this movie is a stupid pet trick .

there is a rule when it comes to movies . a sequel is never as good as the original . there are very few exceptions to this rule , and texas chainsaw massacre : the next generation is not one of them . now if you also take into consideration that the original chainsaw massacre was a really bad movie , and that this isn't even the first sequel to it , you have a recipe for a very painful viewing experience . don't be fooled by the presence of up and coming talents matthew mcconaughey ( a time to kill ) and renee zellweger ( jerry maguire ) . they made this movie before they were stars . judging by their performances they also made it before they took any acting lessons . it's a wonder they ever worked in hollywood again after appearing in this turkey . apparently the producers of this film realized just how bad it was , because it sat unreleased for years until someone decided that they might be able to capitalize off the success of mcconaughey and zellweger . apparently the two young stars were none too happy about this thing ever seeing the light of day . and i don't blame them , they would have been better off if this had been some sort of porno flick starring the two of them . unfortunately for them it is a horror film in which zellweger plays your typically stupid horror film character . while mcconaughey plays a guy who wears a mechanical brace on his leg that he controls with a television remote control . ( hey , don't say i didn't warn you . ) to make matters worse , leatherface , the chainsaw wielding maniac , who was never the scariest of psychopathic killers at the best of times , has now become a full blown cross-dresser , and spends the entire movie in drag . there is a plot to this movie but it isn't worth mentioning . let's just suffice to say that a group of teenagers are in the typical wrong place at the wrong time and are left to the mercy of remote control man ( mcconaughey ) and his lipstick wearing chainsaw revving half-witted sidekick . man , i can't get over just how bad this movie is . this film has absolutely no redeeming qualities . even the obligatory topless babe shot wasn't enough to hold my interest for more than 2 seconds . the writing is bad , the direction is even worse , but both of those things look good in comparison to the acting . this is the sort of movie that they should make people in prison watch . a guarantee you , if criminals thought that they would be subjected to this film they would never break the law again .

uncompromising french director robert bresson's " lancelot of the lake " achieves the exact opposite effect of sir thomas malory's " morte darthur . " instead of enshrining the legend of king arthur and his knights of the round table , it dethrones them by revealing arthur as a weak , ineffectual leader and the knights as a group of jealous , bickering men who failed to live up to the legends prescribed to them . chivalry has no place in " lancelot of the lake , " except as that of a dying ideal . bresson begins his tale as the knights of the round table are returning , decimated , after failing merlin's command to retrieve the holy grail , the mystical cup that was filled with christ's blood . bresson immediately gives us his impression of the essential meaning of the grail quest : bloodshed and failure . the opening sequence is a series of clumsy , disjointed fights amongst anonymous knights -- a head is hacked off , a stomach is impaled , a skull is split open , skeletal remains hang from trees , and burning bodies smolder in the ruins of a flaming house . since the film starts with camelot in near-ruin , and takes only an hour and a half to arrive at its inevitable conclusion , it doesn't carry the grand , tragic resonance of other arthurian films . we never get to see camelot at the peak of its power , therefore there is no real downfall to witness . but , then again , it is not the name of camelot that is evoked in the title of the film . rather , it is lancelot , and bresson is more interested in the internal battle within his heart , than the external downfall of a kingdom . lancelot has always been a tragic figure in the arthurian tales , and bresson uses him as the central figure to explore the battle between the spirit and the flesh . the greatest of all knights , he was flawed only in his love for arthur's wife , queen guinevere , and it was that illicit affair that eventually caused the downfall of camelot . even when lancelot attempts to end the affair with guinevere ( laura duke condominas ) , he only finds himself falling back into her arms against his better judgment . he knows it means the destruction of the idealized kingdom , but he is powerless in his passion . when sir mordred ( patrick bernhard ) accuses lancelot of the affair , other knights , including sir gawain ( humbert balsan ) spring to lancelot's defense . it is this battle within the knights that is the eventual undoing of the round table ; the flesh wins out over the spirit , and the consequences are dire . bresson is an intensely personal filmmaker most interested in the interiors of men's hearts and minds . " lancelot of the lake " is filled with his particular trademarks : a stripped-down , minimalist style , flat , expressionless dialogue , and a grand use of natural sounds in place of music . he uses background music only twice in the film , during an opening narration segment and during the opening credits . the music here is a heavy drumbeat and accompanying bagpipes , but the rest of the film is scored with natural sounds that punctuate the film's thematic elements : the incessant clanking and creaking of heavy armor , the neighing of horses , the rhythm of hooves beating down dirt roads , and the natural chirping and whispering of the forest . like most of his other films , bresson employed nonprofessional actors who recite the dialogue in emotionless , flat voices . all the actors he used in " lancelot of the lake " had never acted before , and with the exception of patrick bernhard , they never acted again . never once do they raise their voices or put any emphasis on a given word . instead of using vocal inflection , bresson strove to create emotion through images . in some ways , this technique works ; in other ways , it doesn't . the final montage of arthur's men battling each other is quite marvelous , and the final image of the knights in shining armor reduced to a literal scrap-pile sums up the entire film in one moment . however , other times bresson's uncompromising methods are distracting and questionable . for instance , during an important jousting contest , bresson films the majority of the action so that the only things visible are the horses' legs . he does this repeatedly , opening each shot with the same few notes from a bagpipe and the raising of a different flag . while there might be symbolic value in this , the resulting experience of watching it can be bothersome . nevertheless , " lancelot of the lake " is a fascinating cinematic experience boldly made by a master filmmaker . bresson's style may not be for everyone , but one has to respect his strength as an artist . by re-evaluating the arthurian legends and making them his own , he turns " lancelot of the lake " into something rare in modern cinema : a truly personal film .

a highly intelligent life form that is completely electronic in nature , beams itself onto a russian science vessel . well , this is the point where the movie strays from becoming a decent and original movie and simply becomes a predictable sci-fi thriller . anyhow , this life form takes control of the computers on the russian vessel then starts creating highly advanced robots to help it in its gruesome task of exterminating the ? virus' known as man . the original crew of the russian vessel is all but exterminated , and then a hapless crew on a tug discovers the derelict ship and tries to salvage it . no more needs to be said as to what happens and where the conflict lies , the movie is that predictable . the story is full of very shallow characters that don't do much other than subsist . the captain of the tug , played by donald sutherland , makes irrational choice after irrational choice leaving the audience wondering as to how he has survived long enough to reach his age ( looks to be in his 60's ) . to add to this we're shown this motley crew that at times seems to be highly skilled in specific fields , and at others seems barely capable of basic tasks . some of the supposed capabilities of the characters leads one to wonder what they are doing on a tug transporting cargo in the middle of the pacific , in a typhoon no less . none of the characters seem to work together at all ; they are always bickering and vying for some form of control . this makes no sense what so ever and only takes away from the story , a story that is full of holes and is extremely predictable . all the flaws of the actual story are only helped along by the special effects . the waves that are generated to be part of the typhoon make it look like boat was is small model sitting in a tub and someone is simply creating waves . it looks genuinely fake , granted trying to recreate a typhoon or hurricane cannot be easy by any stretch of the imagination but having the storm approach in a style similar to the huge wave of deep impact only ends up looking corny and amateurish . also on the topic of flaws , the robotics that the advanced life form creates seem to move extremely slowly , why ? if this life form that is so advanced as to be able to create these robotics , should it not be able to create them move faster ? regardless , the special effects in this movie in many cases take away from the film rather than add to it . as to the actual casting for the movie , finally there is nothing to complain about . the actors were superb , but then again it is highly doubtful that chimpanzees would have had difficulty acting the roles . having the cast that was present probably saved this movie from being an absolute catastrophe . watching these actors act this story out made it bearable , if barely . the one saving grace of this movie is that it was highly action packed and there always seemed to be something happening . so if you are going into this movie not expecting to see anything grand and are only going to kill some time and watch a mediocre sci-fi thriller then you won't be too disappointed . as the movie is but the latest in a genre that was originally created by aliens , it does little more than try to cash in on that aspect . this movie would be best left for video and even then you might be advised to simply wait for one of the major networks to air it on tv .

my summer was recently saved by two very different movies . on opening night , i saw american pie 2 and laughed like a moron . then a few nights later , i watched and thoroughly enjoyed joel hershman's greenfingers even though it didn't feature a trip to band camp , girl-on-girl action , or seann william scott . however , i felt just as good leaving american pie 2 as i did after leaving greenfingers , which tells the offbeat tale of british murderer colin briggs ( clive owen of croupier ) . after spending roughly half of his life behind bars , he is transferred to a more lenient facility , edgefield . the picaresque , rustic prison allows its inmates to learn a trade , while enjoying accommodations generally found at most colleges . at first , briggs doesn't want to be there . he's used to living as a prisoner and wants to be left alone . however , his ailing roommate , fergus ( david kelly of waking ned devine ) , wears briggs down through his benign nature . the two become friends , with fergus giving colin a packet of violet seeds as a christmas gift . briggs is astonished when the violets grow in the limestone soil , and begins a fight with three other prisoners when an errant soccer ball smashes his beloved flowers . after the prison's governor ( warren clarke ) reprimands them , he's awed at what briggs has accomplished . and he's struck by an idea -- briggs , fergus and the other men will grow a garden on the prison's grounds . greenfingers , which is " inspired by actual events , " becomes a bit like a sports movie after that . despite their differences , the men come together and through hard work and love earn a spot at the big game -- in this case a prestigious garden show . one renegade , in this case , briggs , will prove to have talent . of course , love will also rear its head ( no , not " prison love " ) . to hershman's credit , he doesn't pump up the drama or try for cheap laughs , like last year's lame marijuana comedy saving grace . i had to keep pinching myself when i didn't see a single scene of a hardened con sneezing over a pot of pansies , or the men giving high-fives over a particularly stunning batch of wildflowers . the movie deals with people and scores on that concept . it's wonderful seeing briggs turn from a bitter prisoner to a man who cares again . give credit to owen for keeping his cool in a part that begs for overacting . his speech to the parole board about being reborn through gardening is the best scene of its kind since morgan freeman's last stand in the shawshank redemption . owen's bedside scenes with kelly , who lends the film a human touch , are a marvel to behold , emotionally gripping without being sappy . written by hershman , greenfingers contains plenty of laughs . most come courtesy of helen mirren , who shines as the world-class gardener who works with the inmates but fears for her daughter primrose ( natasha little ) when she starts dating briggs . the mother can't believe what he'll do if her daughter " burns the sunday roast . " nothing is forced in greenfingers . the funny lines come forth naturally in conversations and not from punch lines . primrose and briggs' relationship takes awkward steps . even when briggs decides to go back to edgefield , it's done for reasons of loyalty , not because the movie requires him to do so . after grimacing through the forced screwball antics of movies like america's sweethearts and the princess dairies , it's an almost indescribable pleasure to see a director taking his time to tell a story very well .

capsule : the best place to start if you're a jackie chan newcomer . roars along , never stops for breath , and frequently hilarious . to talk about jackie chan as a " stuntman " is to miss a million things . jackie is not only one of the most accomplished and fearsomely unafraid physical adepts on the screen today , but also a very funny guy . he reminds me of the way arnold schwartzenegger * used * to make me laugh -- he's funny just standing there , copping a look . supercop has jackie making us laugh , scream , duck , root , and gasp for breath , often all in the same scene . it's actually the third in a loosely related series of movies , each with jackie playing kevin chan , a hong kong policeman who has a knack for getting neck-deep into trouble and then karate-kicking his way out of it . ( the others are also worth seeing . ) it's a little slow to start , but once it gets moving , it's a field day . the movie has a fairly sophisticated plot for movies of this kind . kevin is tapped for a dangerous dea assignment to be accomplished in mainland china , which requires him to collaborate with the attractive ( and ass-kicking ) chief fo chinese security ( played here by the ever-enjoyable michelle yeoh ) . there's a fun chemistry between the two of them , especially in an early scene where she tries to brief him and he keeps making wondering comments about how great she looks in that uniform . kevin is assigned to help spring a known gangster from jail -- all undercover , of course -- and have him lead the two of them to a noted drug boss . the drug boss , however , has problems of his own : his wife's on trial for many of his own crimes , and she's got the key to an account with all of his drug funds . this means , of course , endless trouble -- not the least of which is that kevin bumps into his girlfriend while he's out in the field , and she sees him with this other woman , and . . . but that's one of the movie's unique pleasures : the way it crosses from action to comedy effortlessly . action . there is , of course , non-stop action in this movie -- everything from one-on-one kung fu to all-out gun battles to a sppedboat with eight engines ( ! ) outrunning the hong kong coast guard . there is also a virtuoso climax , which features , among other things , jackie danging from a ladder tied to a helicopter , a wrong-way freeway chase ( which requires michelle to do an awesomely difficult handstand stunt ) , a fight on top of a moving train that also involves the 'copter as well as a motorcycle . you get the idea . this is to action movies what a burger with everything on it is to fast food : quick , enjoyable , filling . watch it with friends . when they stop making movies like this , the world will be a tad greyer .

susan granger's review of " two can play that game " ( screen gems ) since the success of " waiting to exhale , " there have been several romantic comedies about african-american professionals . this female revenge fantasy , vivica a . fox plays shante smith , a stunning ad exec who seems to have reached the pinnacle of success : a mansion , a sporty car and an idyllic relationship with a hunky , hot-shot lawyer , morris chestnut . she's at a point in her life when she dispenses advice to her grateful girl-friends ( mo'nique , wendy racquel robinson , tamala jones ) . " when your man messes up , no matter how small it is , " she smugly decrees , " yuh gots to punish him . " so when she catches her hot man dancing at a bar with a smart and sexy rival , gabrielle union , she devises her own version of " the rules , " a 10-day " tough love " emotionally punishing plan to get him back . unfortunately , writer/director mark brown ( " how to be a player " ) breaks the cardinal rule of romantic comedy : you have to like the protagonist - and shrill , self-congratulatory shante smith is a smirking , superficial , spiteful shrew who doesn't realize that rational rules cannot always be applied to love . having her talk directly into the camera gets stale very quickly and the " day one , " " day two " title-card device underscores the tedium . comic anthony anderson scores as chestnut's boisterous best-friend , and singer bobby brown does a cameo as a scuzzy mechanic who's given a smooth makeover by ms . robinson . but the out-takes over the closing credits contain more humor than the film itself . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10 , " two can play that game " is smarmy if slick 4 , filled with misogynistic attitude and blatant product placements ( coca-cola , miller genuine draft ) but little else . in this r-rated ( for explicit sexual language ) , pseudo-hip battle of the sexes , the audience loses .

director jan de bont certainly knows how to make top quality action films . you need look no further than die hard ( he was director of photography ) , speed and last years twister for examples of his hi- octane , edge of your seat thrill prowess . speed 2 is no exception . this time , the action takes place on a huge cruise liner , on which sandra bullock and jason patrick are trying to develop their relationship . yep , that's right , no keanu reeves this time , but fear not , jason patrick is more than up to the job . speaking of which , the job at hand is to stop completely bonkers terrorist , willem dafoe , from crashing the liner into a huge island , after stealing a diamond collection . the reason for this act of destruction is revenge . after years of working for the company that builds cruise liner computers , he contracts copper poisoning and is retired . naturally , what entails next is a lot of running/jumping about and general high quality action as jason patrick does his level best to save the day . thinking back on this film , you can't help , but admire it's structure . the way , willem dafoe initiates his plan and throws red herrings to the crew and passengers . the race against time to save the liner from crashing , and of course , the finale chase scence . ( although this is ruined by an over the top , one too many stunt and explosion . ) simple in construction , effective in it's execution , and the result , a clear and concise , highly enjoyable action film . the acting is adequate , although it's darned obvious that sandra bullock is only in it to create a 'hot totty' appeal to the men ( and she does that perfectly ! ) , jason patrick fills the action hero role superbly and willem dafoe is just great as the crazed terrorist . overall , speed 2 is a most enjoyable thrill ride . not up to it's predecessor's high calibre but very good all the same . there is plenty going on , some of the thrills are quite tense and it also proves that you do not need blood and guts to make a good action movie .

first and foremost i think this movie comes to grief at the hands of the pg rating it's been given . for those of us who haven't read the james lee burke novel that heaven's prisoners is based on , do not rabidly go out and buy tickets to movies featuring the combined talents of alec baldwin and eric roberts , feel vaguely depressed by the notion of swamps , gangsters with louisiana accents , plots , sub-plots , more plots , and well , really just want to see teri hatcher naked , this is one movie you're going to worry the price of admission over . hopeful still ? well , let me share my moment of sheer panic , and then the cold enervation of the big let-down when a semi-robed hatcher purrs to alec baldwin , " what do you think of my butterfly ? " . butterfly ? , i asked myself , what butterfly ? ! and then it hit me . . . the scene had been snipped ! damn you , godless pg rating , show us her butterfly ! ! we want to see the goddamn butterfly ! ! ! so . . . no naked teri hatcher . forget about that . okay ? now . . . heaven's prisoners is about ex-alchoholic ex-cop dave robicheaux ( alec baldwin ) who's trying to discover life anew running a bait shop and boat hire business with his loving , down-to-earth wife annie ( kelly lynch ) . everything dull , but hunky dory until a plane carrying illegal immigrants crashes almost ontop of the couple while they're on their boat . the plane nosedives into the water and sinks , but from its wreckage robicheaux rescues a little pixie-faced salvadoran girl whom he and his wife immediately decide to adopt . what they don't realise is that the plane's pilot was also a drug dealer , and that the plane had been sabotaged by the latter's erstwhile colleagues . when robicheaux discovers this , he predictably , against the advice of his wife , a well-meaning dea agent , and two gangsters who rough him up , begins 'poking his nose where it don't belong' , we know that the man deserves all the misery he's going to get . the question now is whether or not you want to be dragged along for the ride through a tedious , meandering yet utterly suspenseless plot with an unlovable hero as your guide . as dave robicheaux , alec baldwin is fat . . . no seriously , this is not the svelte , thinking man's hero of the hunt for red october , it is an out-of-shape guy who doesn't look too good in a roof-top chasing scene . he's also unconvincing in the movie's dramatic moments , acting with what as far as i can tell is a steven segal-like economy of expression . three-quarters of the way through the show , while you're probably waiting for the next scene in a bar where robicheaux contemplates succumbing to the temptation of the whiskey bottle , getting drunk and beating up someone or getting beaten up , you'll want to beat on him a little yourself . on the other hand , mary stuart masterson ( some kind of wonderful , fried green tomatoes , benny & joon ) cast as a down-and-out stripper who has her fingers broken is quite a breath of fresh air , with just the right mix of cynicism , warmth , insecurity and humour to be the movie's only endearing character . eric roberts as bubba rocque , always believable as the woman-abusing bad guy who knows how to box ( see final analysis , coincidentally also directed by phil joanou ) is believable here as the woman-abusing bad guy who knows how to box . and lest we forget teri hatcher's role in all this , this being her rather well-publicised paid vacation from playing lois lane on tv's " adventures of lois & clark " . . . she is totally ridiculous as rocque's manipulative and seductive cajun wife , coming across as devious as a mildly disgruntled au pair who's trying to get back at an employer who hasn't been giving her enough days off . it's probably safe to say that her day job beckons . and at the end of our day , none of this is really worth 2 hrs and 12 minutes of our personal misery . the flying inkpot's rating system : * wait for the video . * * a little creaky , but still better than staying at home with gotcha ! * * * pretty good , bring a friend . * * * * amazing , potent stuff . * * * * * perfection . see it twice .

note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers . be forewarned . on december 20 , 1996 , amidst all the year-end oscar bait releases from the major studios , miramax's genre label dimension films quietly released a sly little ensemble slasher flick titled scream . although the teen horror market had been given up for all-but-dead in recent years , the film shocked industry observers by scoring consistently high box office returns , eventually topping $100 million domestic and becoming one of the most successful films of its type in history , while delighting audiences by finally presenting a set of knowing slasher flick protagonists who were aware of the all the standard cliches associated with the genre . the sleeper success of scream sent shockwaves through the industry -- suddenly , everybody was looking for hip , inexpensive fright films that might be able to reap similar fortunes . the strategy of casting young tv stars to draw the youth demographic was given a boost . scream director wes craven , previously best known as the creator of new line's a nightmare on elm street film series , was thrust back into the limelight . and scream's rookie scribe , kevin williamson , burst onto the film scene in stunning fashion . it's hard to understate this last point . mr . williamson has , based upon his produced screenplays as of this writing ( scream , i know what you did last summer from october 1997 , and now scream 2 ) , enjoyed a meteoric rise to fame , quickly become the most well-known screenwriter amongst the entertainment weekly-reading , box office figure-watching youth culture since -- well , since that quentin tarantino guy ( whom , it is said , has also achieved some renown as a director ) . indeed , in a singularly freakish oddity , it is the screenwriter , mr . williamson , and not the director that has been receiving the lion's share of acclaim for the success of scream , and the print advertisements for scream 2's theatrical release are similarly indicative of his increasing prominence : while the traditional " a film by wes craven " drapes the film's title in the ads , right below it ( in equal sized font , yet ) reads " written by kevin williamson " , an affirmation of the screenwriter's contribution to the project which may be unprecedented . ( i can envision the board of wga , licking their chops at this coup and counting the days until their goal of " a film by " is attained . ) and , much like mr . tarantino's screenwriting , mr . williamson's work is vaguely unconventional , incorporating both contemporary pop culture references and allusions to other films into the dialogue of his characters . in scream , they satirically discussed other horror films ; here in the sequel , the characters discuss the relative merits of film sequels . scream was written in 1995 during the infamous bob dole rampage against hollywood , and mr . williamson's rejection of this tirade clearly influenced the writing in both that film and this sequel . while the sequel was planned from the outset -- a treatment of scream 2 was included when mr . williamson sold the screenplay for scream -- the basic premise for the film and the reunion of the surviving characters nevertheless seems extremely artificially contrived , and it's only at about the film's midway point when it becomes engaging . like its predecessor , scream 2 opens with a splashy , eye-grabbing prologue which only vaguely ties into the film's principal narrative ; this time around , we're following the exploits of a young couple ( jada pinkett and omar epps ) attending a riotously gleeful sneak preview screening of stab ( a running film-within-a-film gag where the " true life " events behind the first film has been turned into a movie ) . however , although it tries hard and has some good ideas -- the nightmarishly enthusiastic audience in the film vaguely reminded me of the one i was sharing the theatre with , and i was certainly thinking about gutting the overly-noisy person a few seats away myself after about fifteen minutes -- the prologue is a pale imitation of the bravura opening sequence in the original with drew barrymore ( where her performance not only convinced me that she * could * act , but was so good that it would rank among the best performances in a horror film that i've ever seen ) . there are too many knowing , hip pop-culture references crammed into the scream 2 sequence , and the setup isn't nearly as cleverly frightening as scream's ; while the first film's preface dizzyingly built up to a final shot that was exhilaratingly terrifying , the payoff here is almost campily theatrical . flash to the campus of a smalltown ohio college , where returning characters sidney ( neve campbell ) and randy ( jamie kennedy ) have relocated for their studies and to escape the notoriety from the events in the first film . the murders which open this film result in reuniting the survivors -- single-minded tabloid tv reporter gale weathers ( courteney cox ) roars into town to cover the breaking story , while ever-awkward former deputy dewey riley ( david arquette ) flies in to protectively guard over sidney . they're joined by cotton weary ( liev schreiber ) , who was falsely accused of homicide in a cameo appearance during the first film ; his role here is significantly expanded . the film incidentally provides surprisingly little backstory , although i suppose a good case can be made that it really isn't necessary -- not because so many people have seen the first installment , but because this is , after all , a sequel to a slasher film : what do you * think * happened to these characters in the prior movie ? there's a lot of new faces on the scene too : sidney's new boyfriend , derek ( jerry o'connell ) and her new roommate hallie ( elise neal ) , randy's fellow film student mickey ( timothy olyphant ) , gale's newly-assigned nervous cameraman joel ( duane martin ) , omnipresent local journalist debbie salt ( laurie metcalf ) , co-ed cici cooper ( ms . buffy herself , sarah michelle gellar ) , and a pair of simpering sorority sisters ( rebecca gayheart and sirens' portia di rossi ) . any of these characters could be the killer -- or for that matter , could be the next victim . as is seemingly becoming a regular staple of a kevin williamson screenplay , the narrative is once again framed around the increasingly-flimsy premise of a whodunit . one problem that scream didn't have was keeping you interested in the identity of the killer . here ( and to some extent in i know what you did last summer ) , mr . williamson's screenplay seems slightly hampered by trying to turn the identity of the killer into a mystery . the film occasionally becomes so bogged down with misdirection that you can sense it straining at the seams to try and drop red herrings left and right at the expense of its thriller elements . ( it doesn't help matters any that the killer's alter-ego is fairly obvious from the get-go . ) indeed , the finale plays as full-out camp when the villain is finally unmasked , frothing at the mouth with glazed eyes . this is one of those cases where the villain goes on such an endless diatribe about their machinations , scheming , and motivation , that you actually get bored listening and just want them all to get on with it . while the basic setup and premise for the film is fairly contrived , the aspect where it's head-and-shoulders above its predecessor is in its suspense sequences . they're staged much more imaginatively here ( save for the first post-prologue murder , which is handled in such a mediocre , conventional fashion that it seems to be culled directly from the predictable 1980s slasher flicks that the first film satirized ) , and are much more fun to watch . it's hard to hold back a smile during a giddy scene where sidney and her companion have to climb over the incapacitated killer in order to escape from a car wreck , and a cat-and-mouse chase involving gale and dewey in a campus sound lab is very nicely staged , although its ultimate resolution is hilariously overblown . in terms of its characters , the strong part of the film is the interesting relationship between gale and dewey ( who ambles onto the screen accompanied by his very own theme music ) . their verbal sparring at the outset provides much humour -- an exchange where dewey defensively rebukes charges of a perceived aura of incompetency is well-written -- and there's a curiously endearing aspect about their relationship amidst all the mayhem and bloodshed . on the other hand , sidney is pretty dull here . she doesn't have any compelling presence , and there's nothing particularly interesting about her this time around to make us care about her other than that she's the returning heroine . given this , and the fact that there's no strong second banana character for sidney ( elise neal's role isn't nearly substantive enough to adequately fill rose mcgowan's shoes ) , it's no wonder why the roles for gale and dewey have been significantly augmented for this installment of the film . what surprises me the most about scream 2 is its zealousness in decimating its cast . the film's mounting body count bears out the fact that * no * character is safe ( well , * almost * ) ; while in principal i applaud this bold policy , at some point you've got to be wondering about just how many characters will make it to the next sequel . ( i was particularly surprised with the untimely demise of one in particular , whose casting for the next installment of the series would've seemed obvious . ) but hey , as rose mcgowan's character said in the first film : " no , please don't kill me , mr . ghostface -- i want to be in the sequel ! " look what that got her .

godzilla is the ultimate culmination of the " who cares about plot " summer movie . a loose remake of the 1954 " classic " japanese monster movie , godzilla , king of the monsters ( which is itself pretty thin in the story department ) , roland emmerich and dean devlin's big-budget lizard-stomps-manhattan disaster flick has been written with the brain dead in mind . the script isn't just " dumbed down , " it's lobotomized . godzilla lives and dies on special effects alone . presumably , the primary target group for this film is teenage boys , the demographic most likely to shell out $7 repeatedly to see the same images of monster-instigated carnage . that's not to say that females and other age groups are immune to the special effects seduction ; they're just not as readily susceptible . this is the third straight movie in a row where emmerich and devlin have demonstrated that a mastery of computer-generated visuals is far more important for making money than the ability to write and direct for actors . stargate was a financial success . independence day was a runaway hit . and , with godzilla already drowning in hype and merchandising tie-ins before it even opens , it's virtually guaranteed at least $100 million . nice numbers for a film that could have been penned by a not-too-precocious grade school kid . godzilla isn't completely without merit , although it is close . there's a certain visceral thrill inherent in watching the giant lizard rip his way through manhattan , but it wears off quickly . frankly , while the special effects are competent , they're not all that stunning . there's nothing new here ; it's jurassic park meets aliens , with a little independence day thrown in for bad measure . maybe it will require george lucas and his new star wars movie to take computer-generated visuals to the next level . godzilla never really pushes the envelope , preferring to remain within a comfort zone . the imagination of monster movies like king kong has been replaced by a crass , formulaic approach which disallows creativity . ( how disturbing is it to know that godzilla has been chosen to close the 51st cannes film festival ? ) worst of all , godzilla isn't even exciting . with the possible exception of a mildly enjoyable car chase near the end , there isn't a sequence in this film that raises the pulse . even the scenes with dozens of aircraft attacking the monster are so devoid of tension and suspense that they are yawn-provoking . independence day may have been dumb , but it was full of " adrenaline moments " capable of getting the audience involved in the action . in this aspect of its production , as in so many others , godzilla is lacking . actually , part of the problem is that we're never sure who we're supposed to be rooting for : the green monster with an attitude or the paper-thin humans trying to stop him . the plot , such as it is , can be summed up rather simply . after sinking a few ships and leaving some footprints on tropical islands , godzilla shows up in the big apple . he does some of the usual tourist things : stops by madison square garden , visits the chrysler building , goes on a walk through central park , and takes the subway . in the process , he knocks over a few buildings and steps on countless cabs , but he never has trouble with traffic jams . on hand to stop him is an elite u . s . army unit , led by a slightly less-arrogant-than-usual military man ( kevin dunn ) and a biologist named nick tatopoulos , who has a theory about godzilla . in his opinion , the big guy is actually a lizard grown to enormous proportions as a result of the radiation given off by french atomic bomb tests in the south pacific . in nick's words , godzilla is " a mutated aberration ? an incipient creature ? the first of its kind . " as luck would have it , nick's old girlfriend , audrey ( maria pitillo ) , is a reporter based at a new york tv station . along with her cameraman friend , animal ( hank azaria ) , she decides to follow nick around as he trails godzilla . then , just when the military has rejected nick's theory about why godzilla is in new york , a member of the french secret service ( jean reno ) recruits him for a special assignment . instead of stomping around tokyo this time , godzilla has chosen new york city . unfortunately , manhattan has been destroyed so many times in recent disaster movies ( independence day , deep impact , armageddon ) that it's becoming boring . the whole tradition of monsters roaming around the city started with king kong , but the big ape was only about 30 feet tall . he could climb the empire state building . at ten times that height , godzilla would be more likely to knock it over . godzilla contains a few lame attempts at humor . there's an ongoing feud between animal and his wife that plays like sit-com material , an unfunny and repetitive gag about how no one can pronounce nick's last name properly , and a rather tame attack on film critics roger ebert and gene siskel . both of the popular personalities have alter egos in the film : " ebert , " the mayor of new york , is played by michael lerner , and " gene " ( lorry goldman ) is his campaign manager . ebert's re-election slogan is , not surprisingly , " thumbs up for new york . " the siskel/ebert stuff is amusing the first time it's used , but , after a while , it grows tiresome . and , although the " characters " don't serve any real purpose , they keep popping up . godzilla is saddled with an unimpressive cast . this is largely because emmerich doesn't want to risk a human performance upstaging his lizard . that's not to say that matthew broderick and jean reno aren't capable of good performances ( both have done their share of solid acting in the past ) , but they aren't a-list names . then again , considering the quality of the writing , even pacino and deniro would have been hard- pressed to shine . maria pitillo ( dear god ) plays the love interest and hank azaria ( great expectations ) is on hand to present what is supposed to be comic relief . ultimately , it doesn't really matter what i ( or any other critic , for that matter ) have to say about the movie . tristar has assumed that godzilla , like all self-proclaimed summer event motion pictures , is pretty much critic-proof . it may also be word-of-mouth-proof . those who want to see the movie will see it no matter what i write or their friends say . so , when i go on record to assert that godzilla is one of the most idiotic blockbuster movies of all time , it's like spitting into the wind . emmerich and devlin are master illusionists , waving their wands and mesmerizing audiences with their smoke and mirrors . it's probably too much to hope that some day , movie-goers will wake up and realize that they've been had .

the party is one of those classic slapstick comedies that will leave you , at times , cracking up . the film takes place , for the most part , in real-time during an exclusive evening party that is attended only by the biggest names in hollywood . hrundi v . bakshi , played very well by peter sellers , is a struggling actor who just came to america from his homeland , india . hrundi tries out his acting talents , but it seems that he just isn't cut out for the job . on the set of his current film that he stars in , hrundi seems to make everything go for the worse . during the filming of this movie set in the 1800's , hrundi manages to annoy the director ( herbert ellis ) in any way he can . this includes a pitiful acting job in many scenes , wearing an underwater watch in one scene , and accidentally detonating a massive set . many of the hollywood producers and big names want hrundi out of the business forever . and when the director makes a personal phone call to mr . clutterbuck ( j . edward mckinley ) pleading for hrundi's ejection from hollywood , everything is pretty much over for hrundi . clutterbuck writes his name down on a piece of paper to insure that hrundi will never again work in hollywood . but when this piece of paper turns out to be the guest list for clutterbuck's exclusive party , hrundi is invited , and certain chaos is bound to occur . of course , as predicted , hrundi causes lots of trouble . each scene in which hrundi encounters a situation , usually one that he can't handle , is almost always very humorous . and each scene with hrundi and the drunken waiter , who is alone hilarious , adds to the comedy in a great way . the party can be compared to many other films of it's type , specifically the trio of naked gun movies and the airplane movies , but the party is a delightful movie that incorporates very well played out comedy into believable situations . it also includes a number of memorable scenes ( can anyone say " birdy num-num " ? ) . if you're in the mood for fun and enjoyable slapstick comedy , check out the party . it's not going to be one of your all-time favorites , but if you enjoy this type of humor , you'll enjoy the party .

so i went and saw this film right , it was called " battlefield : earth " , i was never interested in the previews , and never too terribly interested in the book , nor do i find scientology interesting , but after reading advanced reviews of how bad this film really is , i had that weird urge just to watch it . well let me be the first to say , and so far in my view it's safe to say : battlefield : earth might be the worst film i have ever seen , yes even worse than " mr . magoo " , " blue in the face " , or " jaws : the revenge " . roger christianson whos credits include set direction , and art direction for such great films as " alien " and " star wars " , directs this film with such amateurism , that the film looks and feels and in fact sounds so dumb , that it's quite depressing . the look of the film , is dark and drabby at times , but then bright and happy at other times . the sound is terrible , and has the worst surround sound effects i've heard . the acting is nothing , the dialogue poor , and the make-up effects hideous . here's the so-called plot : earth 3000 . . . . man is a endangered species , while aliens from the planet psychlo ( the aliens are named psychlo . . . i wonder why ? ! ) are invading earth , destined to put an end to those " man-animals " to an end , and destroy earth once and for all , of course we have our typical hero ( played terrible by barry pepper , who was great in a small role in 1999's " the green mile " ) who is destined to go out , and save his planet ! one thing : he has to go up against , terl , the chief of security psychlo , who is played frankly , quite bad by john travolta , whom with dreadlocks , a big head , and green eyes just doesn't work . of course the sidekick to terl , is played by ( lol ! ! ) forest whitaker , who looks like a deformed werewolf of some kind . our friendly human johnny ( barry pepper ) looks just as bad as well , with long scraggly hair . i'm not really sure how to quite explain the badness of this film , except just to say it's terrible . everything in this film is imcomprehinsable , from the make-up effects , which by the way aren't good , to the phony looking special effects , everything in this film is faulted . in fact i don't remember one part in this entire movie where i was having a good time , or enjoying myself . in fact there is no part in the movie that i liked or enjoyed . throughout the entire 127 minute running time , i was dying , constantly looking at my watch , and hoping maybe the projectioner would blow a bulb or something , sadly it didn't . my advice to hollywood : get new scripts , new acting classes , better directors and damnit , make films like american beauty more .

this movie about two dysfunctional families never really gets off the ground , despite some good performances from a basically competent cast . eddie ( sean penn ) and maureen ( robin wright penn ) are a not-so-happily married couple down on their luck . living in rented rooms in the seedier part of an unnamed city , they spend what little income they have at the local bar , owned by shorty ( stanton ) , eddie's best friend , and his wife georgie ( mazar ) . maureen and eddie share an odd relationship marked by eddie's frequent disappearances . on his return , he promises her the world and professes his undying love . their manic reunions all too soon lead to new lows , as eddie disappears again . like a junky craving the next high , maureen suffers through the lows to reach the next high . their relationship is further complicated by maureen's pregnancy . she wants the baby and the father , but deep down seems to sense the inevitability of losing the latter . during one of eddie's absences , maureen is attacked by kiefer , her neighbor , who gets her drunk ( with her cooperation ) and then insists on intimacy . she leaves badly bruised and in fear of what eddie might do -- not to her , but to kiefer . she lies about what happens to ensure that no harm will come to eddie as the result of his inevitable rage . he lashes out as she expects , and ends up in an institution for what he believes to be 3 months -- but in reality is 10 years . during this decade , maureen divorces eddie and remarries a more solid and reliable individual , joey ( travolta , in a small role ) . her life falls apart again when eddie is released from the institution and comes to find her . joey insists on bringing eddie into his home and making his wife choose between her husband ( and father of two children ) and stability ( joey makes a good living , drives a cadillac , and they live in a large house in the suburbs ) and the love of her previous life . she chooses her past , and sacrifices not only her new life but her old ( by giving up her and eddie's daughter to joey ) . but the eddie that she knew is gone , replaced by a mere shell of the man he was . maureen is herself a mere shell , more an automaton than a woman -- as if she had gone through whatever therapy and treatment eddie was given along with him . perhaps these two really do need each other and can find happiness ( or maybe the lack of sadness ) together , but the movie's denouement was not convincing .

in 1994 , an insider's look at a scandal-ridden run for the democratic presidential nomination ( closely based on clinton's 1992 campaign ) was written anonymously ( former newsweek writer joe klein later claimed true authorship ) . now , the book , primary colors , has been made into a movie , directed by mike nichols , and , in light of recent presidential scandals , seems to be more relevant than ever . but the film is more than a diatribe against , or a paean in praise of , the president . it is a fascinating look at the political machinery , and the ethical quagmire , that surround modern politics . jack stanton ( john travolta ) is the governor of a small southern state running for the democratic presidential nomination . he is charismatic , but has several flaws which threaten to doom his campaign , and strains his relationship with his wife , susan ( emma thompson ) . the film is told from the point of view of henry burton ( adrian lester ) , grandson of a civil rights leader , who is swept away by stanton's ideals and helps to organize the campaign . he joins political strategist richard jemmons ( billy bob thornton , looking an awful lot like james carville ) , and campaign advisor daisy green ( maura tierney ) . governor stanton's past repeatedly pops up to haunt him , a fact that his chief rival , lawrence harris ( kevin cooney ) , consistently uses to his advantage . to help clean up the stanton campaign , jack and susan bring in an old friend , libby " the dustbuster " holden ( kathy bates ) . the acting throughout primary colors is superb . it would be worth seeing the movie for bates' wild performance alone . she enlivens the atmosphere with energy in a truly boisterous performance . travolta does a fair clinton impersonation as governor stanton , although his accent does stray a little . emma thompson delivers a strong performance as his suffering wife who can't let anything show that might hurt the presidential run . the problem with political movies is that they tend to alienate over half of their audience by promoting one side or the other , or else the movie is vague to the point of boredom . primary colors treads lightly on this issue . though stanton is clearly portrayed as a democrat , and there are a few minor barbs thrown in the way of republicans , the movie touches on few actual political issues . in fact , most of the " bad guys " are fellow democrats on the same road to the white house . rather than issues , the film is primarily concerned about scandals and spin control . although the film strays into some obviously non-clinton territory , it is difficult to completely separate it from reality ( particularly when certain scenes seem to highlight the president's current troubles ) . primary colors' chief problem is its length . it runs about 15 minutes too long . there are some scenes which could have easily been cut . for example , midway through the film , the candidate gives a speech to an assembly of laid off machinists . the scene's only apparent purpose is to establish stanton's character , which has already been done in similar scenes earlier in the film . the extra length isn't long enough nor tiring enough to be annoying , but it mars an otherwise excellent film . republicans , democrats , and political agnostics should all be able to find something to like in primary colors . it's a funny , and at some times shocking , look at the modern political process .

there is a scene early in jakob the liar that hints at how much better it could have been . the scene is set in a jewish ghetto in poland circa 1944 , where a one-time cafe proprietor named jakob heym is walking resolutely through the streets , fists stuffed into coat pockets . to one side of him , residents scavenge for food in the street ; to the other side , german troops beat a group of jews . jakob , however , never stops moving . it's an efficient , effective set-up for the character , who is clearly nobody's idea of a hero at the outset . he is a man who has responded to the horror of his surroundings by withdrawing from them , excising his moral peripheral vision . the set-up is critical because fate will turn jakob into a reluctant savior . after a visit to a german commandant's office and a moment alone with a turned-on radio , jakob learns that russian troops are quite near . when he brings this first news of the war in years to his fellow jews , they become convinced that he must have a radio , which is a punishable offense in the ghetto . the good news brings hope to the ghetto ; the everyday specter of suicide vanishes . a private man of limited creativity finds himself burdened with creating stories of russian military progress just to keep his neighbors alive . this promising story of an ordinary person doing the extraordinary is burdened from the outset by casting : the " ordinary person " in question , jakob heym , is played by robin williams . i am of the depressing opinion that williams is growing less assured as an actor in his " serious " roles with every passing year . compare his dramatic scenes in the world according to garp and moscow on the hudson with what dreams may come or patch adams , and see how much more mannered he has become ( or , at the very least , how much less sensible at choosing material ) . jakob the liar depends on the notion that jakob has to struggle to craft his fictions , but williams always looks like he's struggling _not_ to craft them . when he improvises a radio address by winston churchill for ailing 10-year-old orphan lina ( hannah taylor gordon ) , he seems relieved that he can finally get wacky . oh yes , and then there's that little girl . some viewers will undoubtedly consider the hero's fanciful stories for a young charge too reminiscent of life is beautiful , but those scenes aren't problematic because they're familiar . they're problematic because they're jarring and distracting , introducing a cutesy relationship into a film that shouldn't have been about cutesy relationships . jakob's character arc may be about his willingness to act for the benefit of others , but there are plenty of others without poor little lina . every scene with her feels contrived , pulling jakob the liar away from its central story of hope coming to a previously hopeless people . it is a pleasant surprise to find that jakob the liar is a much grittier production than you might expect from a hollywood-ized holocaust , combining the weighty subject matter with dark humor in some effective ways . director peter kassovitz , working from jurek becker's novel , crafts some nice scenes between jakob and the other townspeople , and draws solid performances from armin mueller-stahl ( as a once-revered doctor ) and bob balaban ( as a barber drifting into depression ) . there are just too many things going on that prove distracting , whether it's the sketchy romanctic angle involving liev schreiber as an earnest former prizefighter , or williams' incongrous presence , or a sweet but utterly irrelevant little girl . jakob the liar deals with too delicate a subject for such fumbling , and has too compelling a central character to waste . and after one wonderful early scene , you can see the film wasted and fumbled away .

janeane garofalo in a romantic comedy -- it was a good idea a couple years ago with the truth about cats and dogs but is almost excruciating in the matchmaker . this is a by-the-books movie that plods along on a predestined course with no surprises and very few laughs . it also jumps on the ever-popular political satire bandwagon and manages to fall flat there , too . garofalo plays a campaign aide to a massacusetts senator ( jay o . sanders ) running for reelection . denis leary plays the stereotypical strategist with no ethics who decides the only way for the scandal- plagued senator to win is to play up his irish roots and cash in on that boston roman catholic democrat contingent that's made the kennedy family so popular . so leary orders garofalo to go to ireland and dig up some relatives to exploit . she soon learns why " easier said than done " is the mantra of movies like this . the matchmaker falls for every cliche of things that can go wrong -- garofalo has to take a tiny plane to ireland , almost misses the bus to town , can't get a hotel room , ends up in the smallest , trashiest one around , has a dog piss on her luggage , and so on . then comes what roger ebert calls the " meet cute . " it happens in every romance : the man and woman have to meet each other for the first time in some unconventional , cinematic way . in the matchmaker , it happens when garofalo walks into her hotel bathroom and finds a nude sean ( david o'hara ) in the bathtub , his dog sitting at his side . no points for guessing it's the same dog that just made water on her luggage . also no points for guessing garofalo hates o'hara on sight . that's how it works in movies like these . i know from the instant i saw that irishman in the bathtub that she'd hate him for awhile , then succumb to his charms , live happily for a reel or so before allowing some superficial detail to throw the relationship into turmoil , after which they'd reconcile in time for a happy irish tune to play over the end credits . i haven't mentioned the movie's twist yet . garofalo comes to the small ireland town during the annual matchmaking festival , during which lonely folks from around the county pair off into a future of bliss . milo o'shea ( who looks like an irish tom snyder ) is the matchmaker who pops onscreen occasionally to spew his words of wisdom and bring lonely souls together . rest assured he'll do all he can to match up garofalo and o'hara . oh , and in keeping with the matchmaker's utter predictability , he dies toward the end . what the message here ? sometimes even the most respectable person of comedic distinction , like garofalo , will sell out with a weak script . i was excited to see garofalo and leary in the same movie , but they actually only have two or three scenes together . leary stays stateside , for the most part , yelling at garofalo over the phone and generally being an asshole . he even undoes himself with the old microphone's still on after he's done giving the speech cliche . both of them should have known better .

" come on , silent bob ! we're going to hollywood . " starring jason mewes , kevin smith , will ferrell , shannon elizabeth , seann william scott , chris rock , jason lee , ben affleck . directed by kevin smith . rated r . jay and silent bob strike back is a dumb movie disguised in a smarmy interior . kevin smith , coming off the wonderful , challenging dogma , fills it with sub-road trip gross-out jokes and expects us to buy it because he's just oh-so-ironic . but when a movie is so self-aware it becomes about nothing but itself , we can hardly be expected to pay for admission . jay and silent bob , two new jersey stoners who hang out at the doorstep of convenience store selling pot , have appeared in almost all of smith's movies but , if i'm not mistaken , have not starred in one until now . they find out that there is a movie based on the comic book that is based on them being made in hollywood . this presents two problems : a ) they haven't received a penny in royalties and b ) nerds on the internet ( " what's the internet ? " ) are talking trash about them . what is there to do except go to hollywood and stop this movie from being made ? on the way -- they're hitchhiking , because who knew you needed tickets to take a bus ? -- they run into a group of hotties who pretend to be with an animal-rights group , but are really jewel thiefs who parade around in charlie's angels-style outfits . of course , they set jay and silent bob up to look like the thieves , so that there is a massive manhunt going on during the second half of the film . will ferrell , who again proves himself incapable of doing anything but sketch comedy , shows up as the wildlife marshal inspector who thinks the two have stolen a monkey . the movie will probably please only smith's die-hard , undiscerning fans ; everyone else will be critical of this mind-bogglingly stupid effort following some the sophisticated cinema that he churned out in years past . any appeal the movie has will come from the " in " jokes , most of which i think i understood , but the movie is " in " to the point of absurdity . there needs to be something holding it together other than its own smugness . once jay and silent bob get to hollywood , the movie abruptly switches gears from gross-out comedy to ridiculously broad hollywood satire . countless " hot " movie stars and personalities make an appearance , from smith veterans matt damon and ben affleck to wes craven , but jay and silent bob strike back resorts to such low-brow gags as another scream sequel with a monkey as the killer . get it ? they're so desperate for another movie , they ran out of ideas and used a monkey ! a monkey ! as often happens with writers who are working below what they are actually capable of , most of the really good lines are throwaways , while the big , painstaking gags mostly fall flat . one of the funniest lines in the movie flies by : when asked to comment on the clitoris ( don't ask ) , jay responds : " the female clitoris ? " kevin smith is a talented writer ( though i agree that his films would be better off if he'd let a real director take the helm ) , and jay and silent bob strike back holds true to his promise to make a more facetious film . unfortunately , it's also shapeless , pointless and largely unfunny . smith's " verbal trampoline , " as ben affleck once called his distinctive dialogue , takes a back seat to his dubious instincts as a populist filmmaker . this was supposed to be the movie that didn't offend anyone , but it's offensive because it's terrible .

many people dislike french films for their lack of closure . while possibly shallow , i've often had a desire for a sense of epiphany , or at least a resolution , in the films which i view . there is no revelation in un coeur en hiver in the traditional ; however , the film is incredibly successful in its passionate dramatization of a passion-denying protagonist , stephane ( daniel auteuil ) . stephane ( daniel auteuil ) is a master violin maker . he is passionless about all that which surrounds him except his craft and the music which his craft is responsible for producing . even the relationship between he and his boss , maxime ( andre dussollier ) is a controlled , and almost manipulated association , highlighted by the fact that stephane permits maxime to win close squash matches . in the beginning of the movie , stephane is a closed , solitary individual and the audience is carefully left to wonder about the depth of emotion behind this enigmatic man . camille kessler ( emmanuelle beart ) is a master violinist and the new love of maximes . maxime is so much in love with camille that he plans to and does leave his wife . like stephane , camille is outwardly very controlled and reserved , sacrificing all thought and emotion to her violin and the music which emerges . when stephane and camille meet , there is a recognition of a bonding by both individuals . however , whereas camille submits to the wild interplay of emotions which she now feels for stephane , stephane only admits that camille is attracted to him . stephane ignores his feelings for camille , which the audience cannot help but to see is present . as the movie progresses , the two characters become more and more polarized in their views and emotions for one another . these two people , with very similar approaches to life initially , react to their new circumstance very differently . stephane becomes even more rational and controlled , while camille becomes more tempestuous , until she almost borders on suffering a nervous breakdown due to the inability to consummate their relationship . however , their approach to each other is perhaps not surprising considering their vocation . the audience is led to believe that stephane may have been a genius as a violinist as well , due to his relationship with a master violin teacher . however , apparently , he could not be a violinist due to his intolerance for flaws in his playing . consequently , stephane becomes a precision craftsmen with the instrument and no longer plays . in contrast , camille had almost given the violin , years earlier . however , with the aid of her manager , she has progressed to being almost one of the world's finest , successfully submerging herself to her playing . during the course of the movie , we see both characters evolve as they struggle to meet the challenge of their new emotions . stephane attempts to remain unchanged . however , we do see subtle hints of his transformation . one of the most obvious is when he defeats maxime in squash . the development of all of the characters , many of which is not included in this synopsis , is incredible . american movies , with rare exceptions , have not and i would daresay cannot approach foreign films in character development . in its essence , this movie is about the development and growth of the characters , camille and stephane . the portrayal of all the other characters in the movie , including a death , is to further the development of camille's and stepahne's characters . i am not sure why berardinelli says , " at times it becomes difficult to determine whether stephane should be pitied or vilified , and it is to auteuil's credit that he manages to maintain this uncertainty . " this movie is not about judging stephane's actions as being right or wrong , but about viewing their growth and accepting the characters as who they are . i find the ending appropriate ; unfortunately , i found the last ten minutes which led up to the final scene to be very unfulfilling . this portion of the film is where the " sense of closure " could have been successfully accomplished . unfortunately , there is a hurried and almost a soap opera-type surge of emotions from all of the characters . while ravel may not be quite as accomplished as schubert or mozart , ravel has his day in this film . the synergism of the tension of ravel's music and tension on the screen is the best i have ever seen . the directing in this movie is wonderful . the actors and actresses are excellent , each playing their part with great sincerity and warmth . emmanuelle beart's personality is beautiful . and needless to say , i must say that emmanuelle beart , herself , is beautiful . besides the near ending , the only other criticism of the movie which i have is that the movie is almost too cerebral . i almost left with the sense little happened because almost all the changes which occur in the movie happen in deep in their psyches and little in their personalities or the situations which they end as part of . the one question which i am left with is while they have accepted their lot , has their attitude towards love changed ? i have several possibilities which i believe the movie hints at , but i am unsure of which the director is espousing . in summary , this movie is solely about the character growth of two characters who almost develop a relationship . in the process , we see their attitude towards life and other people . in itself , i do not believe un coeur is a complicated movie . where it does become complicated is when we juxtapose the scenes of the movie into the greater walk of life where we , as americans , have preconceived american notions of relationship , love , and people . i do wonder how the movie translates when viewed within its native french culture . however , i , bringing my american preconceptions , enjoyed the film . i would welcome any comments about this movie from any who have seen it .

m : i-2 , the sequel to mission impossible , is a james bond wannabe film , but it fails to even come close to that film in wit , humor , and entertainment value . it tries to be a spy/romance movie , but without any suspense the film just looks like it's an extended commercial for dudes who think they look cool in throwaway sunglasses . it is a film that prefers techie gadgets to anything human . the coolest thing about this movie , was all the holes it had in its story and the most trite thing about the movie , was the usage of doves throughout as peace symbols . the film plays as if it was a wet fantasy dream about techie violence . except for the choreographed action sequences , the film was dull for three-quarters of its time , filled with too many dead spots in its story to garner concern about its wooden characters or the superficial romance that developed . as for the action scenes , they might look good to those who are converts to violence in their films , but their advertisement for sadistic responses , is nothing short of mindless cartoon violence , which makes it very difficult to sit back and applaud without feeling put off by the gratuitous cruelty seen . m : i-2 opens and closes with fast-paced action scenes , but it is hard to get past the middle part which just drags on in banal dialogue . the film looks as if it had been invaded by a computer virus , at that point . the only thing that kept me awake , was the horrible music composed by hans zimmer that became very loud at any of the film's supposedly momentous action scenes and seemed to make an uninteresting scene even more noticeable in the wrong way . it's a mega-buck film adapted from a popular high-tech gadgetry tv series . but its artistic success is an impossible task to accomplish because it hired the wrong director and actors to star in it , and it failed to produce a story that had any substance . john woo ( " broken arrow " / " face/off " ) is good at doing car chases , choreographed fights with midair flips and kung-fu kicks , slo-mo shots of two guns blazing , and of fire explosions , but he just can't seem to handle dialogue and suspense . the star of the film and co-producer , tom cruise , and his romantic interest , thandie newton , are miscast . cruise is no james bond and looks more like a yuppie than a superhero in his stylish long hair and innocuous smile , as he tries to carry off this macho role , while thandie is not an action-film girl , and seems like a fish- out-of-water in this one . their romance didn't work , not only was it tepid and not sexy , but it wasn't convincing . the film opens with dizzying speed , perhaps with the hope that a befuddled audience is its best bet for success . we will be in three different locations instantaneously : sydney , the american southwest , and seville . first , we are in sydney , australia , where a scientist with a muffled russian accent , dr . nekhorvich ( rade ) , mentions that he created a deadly killer virus called chimera and an antidote for it . he also mentions that every hero needs a worthy villain . which explains the film's mythic theme . . . as we enter the world of comic book myths on good and evil . the one who played the villain , dougray scott , does so in a one-dimensional gruff tone , which did not distinguish him in that role . at least , if the film got the villain part right , it might have had some fun with this nonsense . soon the diabolical scientist is on a plane talking to someone he trusts called dimitri , but then the plane is taken over by terrorists who set it on automatic pilot and crash it into the rocky mountains . before they crash the plane and parachute out of it , the one who was posing as dimitri , turns out to be sean ambrose ( scott ) , a rogue member of the imf , which is a cia-like clone . he steals the package with the antidote , peels off a latex mask , which is a replica of the hero of the story , ethan hunt ( cruise ) , who had posed as dimitri to the scientist before and had thereby gained his trust . sean and his group of terrorists carry out this attack because they plan a virus plague on the world and then to sell the victims the antidote at marked up prices . we already saw the gimmick of peeling masks used in face/off and in the original mission impossible , which as convoluted a plot as that film had , it was still a superior film to this sequel . woo has run this peeling mask routine into the ground , as it is used so often in this film by both sides , so much so , that it blurs any ethical character differences between good guy or villain . it makes it seem as if anyone could be another character , which distorts the reality of the film and makes it impossible for the film to make much sense . next we are in a mountain range in the american southwest , and ethan is on vacation , hanging by his fingertips while climbing and looking cool , when a helicopter with his boss anthony hopkins aboard , delivers via a rocket launcher , a pair of talking sunglasses . hunt learns his next mission is to retrieve the chimera package and he is allowed to pick two regular imf agents to help , billy baird ( john polson ) and luther stickell ( ving rhames ) , with luther running a high-gadget computer , but he also must get a jewel thief named nyah hall ( thandie ) to join his team . he is told , as an incentive to recruit her , all her criminal charges will be dropped . hopkins then signs off with the tag line : this message will self-destruct in five seconds . actually , with the departure of hopkins , it was this disposable film that actually self-destructed at this point . in seville , hunt recruits nyah into the team in the middle of a jewel heist and a subsequent car chase , where he nearly runs her audi sports car over the side of a mountain road . he also falls for her when this was only supposed to be a business deal , and learns that she is valuable because her ex-boyfriend was sean ambrose and that he still wants to f * ck her . the imf team then inject a location tracer chip into her to spot sean so she can go f * ck him , as she leads them to his hide-out in the seaside of australia in which he shares with his sneering villainous cohort , the south african , hugh stamp ( richard roxburgh ) . robert towne , the screenwriter , who contributed to the first " mission , " who is noted for doing " chinatown " -- writes a colorless , pedestrian script , one that fails even to be funny in a camp way . the terrorists , who aim to rule the world , are interested in owning 51 percent in a biotech company and in getting stock options , as they plan to infect sydney with the virus and have their company sell the antidote , insuring that they will make billions on the stock . ethan comes to the rescue of the world and of nyah , with his only conflict being who is more important to save first . ethan does this rescue against all odds , as he finds a way to penetrate a security tight biotech company , fight it out with sean and the other terrorists , and rescue nyah , who injected herself with the virus to hinder sean's getting it , as the only way to transport the virus is through another person or from the vaccine needle . ethan rescues her by doing stunt riding on a motorcycle , using kick-boxing , winning a shootout , throwing a full john wayne supply of grenades at the terrorists , making some more use out of that peeling mask bit , and by being completely fearless and larger than life , while he kick's everyone's ass . if i was only entertained by this . . . i could have lived with it . but this film was so badly made , that it was like watching a highlight film of a basketball game , seeing only the slam-dunks , but with the game itself being excluded from the telecast . in any case , this is a critic-proof film , and will in all probability do well in the box office , as it was made to appeal to all the demographics who find commercial ventures like this one easy to buy into .

dreamworks pictures presents a jinks/ cohen company production kevin spacey annette bening " american beauty " thora birch allison janney peter gallagher mena suvari wes bentley and chris cooper co-producers stan wlodkowski alan ball music by thomas newman costume designer julie weiss film editor tariq anway chris greenbury production designer naomi shohan director of photography conrad l . hall , a . s . c . produced by bruce cohen & dan jinks written by alan ball directed by sam mendes " both my wife and daughter think i'm this gigantic loser . and they're right . i have lost something . i didn't always feel this sedated . " with that piece of dialogue , we are fully introduced to lester burnham ( kevin spacey ) , a 42 year old man trapped within his own life . lester works for an advertising agency . his growing dissatisfaction with his job is only one of the mid-life crisis he is suffering . estranged from both his wife and his daughter , lester starts to crack under the stress . his life becomes nothing more than a series of mastubatory fantasies , and sullen apathy . carolyn burnham ( annette bening ) , is the prototypical career woman/ homemaker . she carefully tends her rose garden , decorates her home with the best furnishings . but inside she is desperate . unsuccessful at her profession as a real estate agent , she drives herself into states of denial and self loathing that only feed her growing resentment towards her family . the third member of this anti-family is jane burnham ( thora birch ) , lester and carolyn's daughter . a young girl going through the typical stages of adolescence , but having to also come to terms with her families growing dysfunction . this funny ( and frightening ) slice of life is refreshingly simple . not one character is given less than is needed to identify him or her . some of the most telling characters are those that serve to highlight other characters . most notably is barbara fitts ( allison janney ) , the almost catatonic wife of retired marine colonel fitts . she has almost no dialogue , and seems to be either recovering from a stroke or suffering from one . colonel fitts ( chris cooper ) is an angry and frightened man . his rage directed almost singularly at his son , ricky ( wes bentley ) who has just moved with his family to the same neighborhood as the burnham's . in fact they are the next door neighbors . anymore detail into the personalities of these marvelously diverse characters would deprive one of the many pleasures and surprises to be had in " american beauty " . alan ball , who was the co-executive producer of the hit tv series " cybil " and creator of the new sitcom " oh grow up " , has fashioned one of the most insightful and expertly tuned screenplays to have hit the screen in the past ten years . not one character in this film rings falsely . and the depth of personality in each , is achingly honest and insightful . the plot detailing the last year in the life of a man as he tries to find his own self worth is so resoundingly cliched and at the same time original as to bring to mind such marvelous film work as " the graduate " or " lolita " . kevin spacey turns in one of this years most pragmatic performances . his lester burnham is an everyman caught up in the middle of a life that is spiraling into old age . finally unable to deal with the lost soul that he has become , lester tries to return to his youth . he quits his job ( actually blackmailing his employer for one year's salary ) , starts smoking pot , fantasizes about his daughter's girlfriend angela ( mena suvari , in a marvelous performance here ) , starts working out , and finally takes a job at the local fast food outlet . mr . spacey's performance is so remarkably subtle and ingenuous , that we can be certain that come oscar ? time , we can be assured to see him name among the five nominees . annette bening also turns in what may be the best performance of her career . carolyn burnham is a woman who has become so insecure as to be caught up in maintaining the facade of normalcy . unable to cope with her growing disillusionment , she forces herself to maintain her demeanor , driving her further and further into desperation , adultery and possibly murder . ms . bening makes the character of carolyn so compelling as to be identifiable to almost anyone . the slow and methodical turn from happy home maker to charnel house martha stewart is too frightening to express in words . thora birch holds her own against the talents cast with her . jane burnham is both an innocent girl caught up in what is a dysfunctional family , and a rebellious child ready to abandon them at any moment . her growing distrust and isolation from her family is something that many parents should view as a warning . she is the prototypical trophy child . when carolyn praises her daughter after a performance by her cheerleading team ( " i'm so proud of you , honey . you didn't screw up once ! " ) , the bitterness and resentment are palpable . thora birch is a young actress to watch . praise must also go to chris cooper who brings yet another angry father role to life with depth and resonance . colonel finn is a man in complete denial . his military upbringing masking a desire he is too repulsed to even comprehend . wes bentley as ricky finn is fine as the enigma . the boy next door who may be more foe than friend . a deceitful and calculating young man , whose voyeuristic proclivities mask a deeper and more profound understanding of life than any of the adults around him . mr . bentley's performance is the one troublesome note in the film . that is simply because the character is such a grand and complete liar , that one almost faults the performance for it . director sam mendes handles all of the particulars of the cast and the settings with a sure and composed style that is neither intrusive nor subtle . scenes of carolyn walking through the rain , carry an ominous fission that calls attention to the emotions of the character . the subtle cinematography by conrad hall is wonderful , capturing the season in all of it's harsh beauty ( fall has never looked so inviting , yet depressing ) . every nuance of " american beauty " begs it's audience to think and examine . it is a film that will be discussed and debated for years to come . and well it should , as it is simply one of this years best .

where do i begin ? okay , how about with this : starship troopers is one of the worst movies to hit theaters in a long time . in fact , it might even be the worst * major * release film to come out in years . . . or even a decade . this is bad beyond belief . i would * not * suggest paying money to see this . there's a good chance you'll regret it . if you see it for free , you could still want to walk out . go right ahead . the movie starts off with cheesy 90210 scenes set in the future world of . . . buenos aires . here we meet the group of horrendously bad actors and actresses playing obnoxious , easy-to- * despise * -with-a-passion characters that have love triangles , love rectangles , and love hexagons screwing up their life . before long they all go off and join the military , primarily in the interest of having sex with the other youngsters that joined . they train . they strut around nude for no reason whatsoever . after an hour of making the audience scream in agony , they start fighting bugs . the big bugs look nice , even though their design is only " okay . " unfortunately , the fights are boring since we * want * all of the characters dead anyway . cue more agony . then some characters have sex . then some more die . * * * who cares ? ? ? * * * cue more agony . the movie ends , the audience runs out to their cars , vomits over the pavement , and attempts to drive home . unfortunately , after that torture , they can't think straight , don't pay attention to the road , and many are in ugly car wrecks . you remember how batman & robin was bad ? well , batman & robin kicked this movie's sorry butt , people . starship troopers does not succeed as an action movie . it does not succeed as a drama . it does not succeed as a war movie . it does not succeed as a comedy . it does not succeed as a satire . it does not succeed as a parody . it succeeds as being horrible . terrible . gut-wrenchingly bad . i wanted to run away from that movie every minute . but i paid my money and i owed it to others to see if the movie got any better . so i stayed . it never got better . frequently , it did the impossible , and got * worse * . the movie as written , acted , directed , and basically just feels as a whole like it's about on the mental maturity level of a free willy 4 . the whole thing feels like a movie that only three-year-olds could enjoy . . . except for the ridiculously gratuitous blood and gore , and pointless nudity . it's written for little children , but children should definitely * not * go anywhere near it . of course , i recommend the same for everyone . don't go anywhere near it . verhoeven's got a streak going now . his last movie was showgirls . he seems to be trying to see how bad his movies can get before people finally stop coming . showgirls was a failure , but it appears that , though it'll be lucky to make near its budget , this movie will still do okay gross-wise . is it really * all * bad ? well , no . troopers has about four or five lines of dialouge/short humorous scenes that are actually funny , mostly from the " do you want to know more ? " commercials that pop up throughout the story , promoting the joys of the joining the troopers . so that adds up to about 30 seconds of entertainment and still about one hour , 59 minutes , and 30 seconds of miserable torture . i'm totally confused as to the way that some people are really enjoying this movie . but i do admit it . so , if you're willing to possibly put yourself through torture , go ahead and see it , and decide for yourself if you love it or hate it . i don't know how anyone or any * thing * could love this movie , but hey , to each his own . feel free to give it a shot . of course , in the interest of saving your souls , i don't recommend it . but guess what ? alien resurrection comes out november 26th , and , having already seen some of it and having read the script , i assure you that it will blow pretty much everyone away . though opinion on starship troopers is reasonably split , it'll be difficult to find someone that * won't * like alien resurrection when they've seen it . this is possibly the year's best intense action film , or at least * one * of the best . if you really want to see alien warfare that's played out intelligently and seriously , see alien resurrection . please , avoid this .

synopsis : nice girl susanne has sex with her boyfriend daniel in his car , visits daniel's rich family during thanksgiving at their mansion in the middle of nowhere , and has sex with daniel again in the basement . susanne and daniel must then decide where to hide from evil art thieves who shoot everyone else in the mansion to steal paintings . brace yourself for one of those painfully obvious " surprise endings . " comments : thanksgiving . for most , it's a time to be with your loved ones and enjoy a good , home-cooked meal . for the makers of body count , however , thanksgiving is a time for multiple murders , violence , profanity , family dysfunction , and sex . boy , do i feel all the more better having sat through this crap . alyssa milano , the former child star of who's the boss ? , matures to made-for-video sludge like this movie . someone somewhere thought it'd be a great idea to pair her with rapper ice-t , who has since guest-starred in the made-for-the-sci-fi-channel series welcome to paradox . this isn't exactly a winning combination . outside of permanently ruining a holiday for me , what else may be said for this turkey ? well , it teaches us that beautiful , attractive women who look strikingly like alyssa milano fall in love with nerds who drive down long winding roads with their eyes closed and complain about being english teachers . it presents us with a heartwarming thanksgiving dinner attended by alcoholic , stuck-up rich white people waited on by black servants . it shows us that old guys , try not to laugh , sit around and talk about " the appeal of postmodernism " during their free time . and , it proves that you can have sex in your parents' basement when they have a dozen or so guests over , and no one will notice . before i go any further , if any young male reading this has hopes of seeing alyssa naked , forget it . the filmmakers cleverly shoot the simulated sex scenes in a manner that makes sure you don't see any of milano's attributes . they do , however , inexplicably throw in a scene where ice-t whistles " jingle bells " after killing people , for whatever that's worth . this film was originally titled below utopia . perhaps they should have renamed it hell . avoid this clunker .

every once in a while you see a film that is so effective in delivering the goods that it is easy to forget , and forgive , its glaring imperfections . such is the case with ? good will hunting ? , a subtle character study about a socially inept mathematics genius who struggles to find his path in life . despite some serious character problems , this is still a very good film . you probably know about the plot so i ? ll make it quick . will hunting ( damon ) is a janitor at m . i . t . , he ? s really smarter than einstein but nobody knows it . he likes to go out with his friend chuckie ( affleck ) and their other working-class buddies and drink beer . he ? s good-looking , charismatic , and witty but has a terrible time with authority and stiff college folk . after getting into a tiff with the law , a distinguished professor ( skarsg ? rd ) discovers will ? s genius and offers him a chance to clean up his record and avoid jail time , at a price : he must attend weekly sessions with a therapist and work on various mathematical problems ( that have stumped the academic elite ) with the professor . after outsmarting and scaring the hell out of a couple of different psychologists he meets his match when hooked up with a once-promising therapist named sean maguire ( williams ) who has his own problems . in the meantime will meets a british medical school student ( driver ) and they begin to fall in love . the story starts out well enough and is a pretty original basis for a film . even though we ? ve seen movies about misunderstood , erratic prodigies before ( ? shine ? ring a bell ? ) , the script here creates a complex narrative that doesn ? t just focus solely on one character . alas though , this is not a perfect film , as much as you feel like it could ? ve been while watching it . the one real problem i had with it is the unrealistic nature of the main character . is it possible for a lowly janitor to be this intelligent ? of course . is it possible for him to be estranged from any deep , human relationships ? usually , yes . but , is it possible for him to also be so handsome , funny , quick with the tongue , and city-street tough ? not very likely . come on , usually these guys are total nerds who can ? t even buy their own shirts , much less talk down a harvard student in a hip pub while picking up phone numbers from pretty med . -school girls . will is just a little too perfect , and in order to accept the character your disbelief suspension needs to be in excellent working condition . the heavy-handed , anti-war statement made by will at a government job interview late in the film is also boorish , overlong , pompous , and completely unnecessary . all this sounds pretty bad , but the film somehow makes up for it in other ways . damon ? s acting overshadows the fact that the character is slightly unbelievable , his performance is truly extraordinary . which leads me to the really good part of the review . the strength of this movie can be summed up in one single word : acting . i can ? t recall seeing a film recently that was so well-acted from top to bottom . from minnie driver ? s frustrated lover to ben affleck ? s laid-back best friend , and all the small roles in between , the performances are magnificent . robin williams ? skill is a given as a bereaved psychologist who could ? ve had a legendary career but was knocked off the path somewhere down the line . the real gem though is stellan skarsg ? rd ? s turn as professor lambeau , an award-winning mathematician who feels reduced in comparison to a younger , smarter will hunting . the scenes between williams and skarsg ? rd , as two old college pals who ? ve been brought back together by this enigmatic kid , display some of the best acting i ? ve ever seen . when i say delivering the goods , this is what i ? m talking about . watching these two work is what going to see movies is all about . gus van sant ? s ( to die for , drugstore cowboy ) cold , urban direction is right on , as well as danny elfman ? s sauntering musical score . i highly recommend ? good will hunting ? . despite its faults , it is still an intriguing and fascinating film and you are not likely to see a better acted one this year .

fit for a ghoul's night out , fat girl stands cast iron firm with the simplistic , fatuous , built-in excuse that its woman director is baring the harsh sexual realities of adolescent girls . being a boy , i might not understand female behavior and am unequipped to analyze this particular pseudo-feminist coming-of-age story . fair enough . i'll pretend to ignore the mannered posturing and health class 101 " this is a no-no " dialogue when older teenage boy coaxes younger teenage girl to let him fuck her up the ass , speaking variations on " it won't hurt ! " for a scene that seems to last at least ten minutes . this is done almost entirely in an unbroken master shot that suggests unimaginative camerawork more than unblinking voyeurism . they dare you to look away , without possessing the courage of allowing the children to actually sound like children ( they're mouthpieces for writer-director catherine breillat's one-note clinical politics ) . rather than show an even-handed evaluation of the rigors of hormonal change , breillat ( previously responsible for the unwatchable romance ) wants to indulge in her hour of hate . life is pain , highness . get used to it . she'd find keen bedfellows in neil labute and todd solondz , other sultans of misanthropy who lack the balls to be earnest or honest . for children , dealing with trauma and pain is complicated . to bury that in sarcasm and academic theory feels cheap . these would-be auteurs ( more like hauteurs ) haven't earned the right to display suffering because they don't layer it in emotional truth ( as mike leigh does throughout naked and david lynch in several key scenes of blue velvet ) . of course , there i go again comparing her to all these ( better ) male directors . i don't care . gender be damned , she's borderline inept . braced for a knee-jerk reaction from the art house crowd ( mortified shock or compulsory applause will suffice ) , writer-director catherine breillat may well accomplish her mission to get a rise out of people . don't be fooled . this grotesque oversimplification of awkward forays into passion may be quickly forgotten , remembered only as cold , boring , philosophically arid , and incompetently photographed . the hyperviolent climactic sequence proves so extraordinarily misguided that i honestly wondered whether breillat had thrown in an impromptu dream sequence . twelve years old , a bundle of dough with a sour pout , the superb ana ? s reboux plays the titular fat girl with a thousand yard stare and a frumpy insouciance . ( her character is also named ana ? s . ) sitting at the table morosely slurping down a banana split , her presence is grounded and heartbreaking . it's a pity breillat never finds anything for her to do other than get defensive against her evil storybook sister , 15-year old elena ( roxane mesquida ) , for bringing a transitory boyfriend home to their shared room . in this summer cottage , ana ? s has no escape from her position as stoic bedside observer to elena's depressing confusion of cheap sex with romance . the boy in question , a smug italian college kid named fernando ( libero de rienzo ) is a real piece of work , claiming that the experience is a declaration of love while begging for a blowjob . ana ? s doesn't receive any warmth from her largely absent parents , who join elena in making fun of her hefty girth . she finds pleasure in wandering the beach alone , singing songs to herself , and swimming in the pool kissing the metal railing and pretending that it's her paramour . reboux commands the screen , but there's only so much a child actress can do recounting pretentious monologues to herself . if one is inspired to rescue this young performer and place her in a better movie , at least she fares better than the other young talent asked to perform in intense love scenes that might feel justified if they weren't so dramatically misguided . this 83-minute vignette is something of a horror show , but breillat saves her nastiest poison for the very end . on the long ride home punctuated by an uncomfortable silence between family members , gigantic trucks swerve by as the hour grows late . will mommy fall asleep at the wheel ? perhaps . or maybe there's something deadlier around the corner , lying in wait to pounce upon the unsuspecting fat girl . what's more , she might even like it . with the intent of being unfair and unpredictable , placing her heroine in the most diabolical of corners in order to face up to impending adulthood , breillat's extreme flourish of sadistic tawdriness reveals her as a master purveyor of contempt . fat girl is a bitter pill indeed . aka ? ma soeur ! screened at the 2001 new york film festival ( feature coming soon ) .

plunkett & macleane is a period piece mired down by modern mtv pretentions . i have nothing against the mtv approach to filmmaking -- used properly it can save a movie ( see stigmata ) -- but it ruins this one , making a muddled , incoherent mess out of a potentially interesting premise . there are certain genres that just don't go together . the film opens with a sequence that i still don't understand . it involves some sort of prison outbreak , a robbery , and a gem that keeps being eaten . in any case , the caper ( whatever it may be ) brings together plunkett and macleane ( robert carlyle and johnny lee miller , respectively ) , two happy-go-lucky brits with no way to make a living . they make a pact to steal money from the rich and give it to themselves until they earn enough money to buy a ticket to america . their first heist involves a young debutante named lady rebecca ( liv tyler ) ; a woman macleane was especially friendly with at a party just earlier . his decorum when stripping her of her valuables earns our two crooks the name " gentleman highwaymen . " lady rebecca also happens to be the niece of the lord chief justice , a glaringly arrogant man nearing the end of his political career . he demands that the robbers be caught and punished immediately , leaving the job in the hands of the devious chance ( ken stott ) who has a few more things on his mind than catching criminals . meanwhile , macleane falls in love with rebecca infuriating the businesslike plunkett , who doesn't want his plans to be foiled by his partner's mindless romantic travails . director jake scott , son of ridley scott ( alien , blade runner ) , has his father's knack for setting up atmospheric shots but none of his skill in actually moving the camera . most of the action scenes are filmed in such a rapid , jerky way that it's impossible to comprehend what's going on . the camerawork is even more nauseating than in the purposefully dizzying the blair witch project due to its lack of fluidity . instead of utilizing panning shots to impress upon us the scope of the events scott uses attention-deficit-disorder edits . he barely ever holds a shot for more than ten seconds and during the faster scenes it seems more like a couple frames between each cut . the weird , almost defiant lack of dialogue ( there are no -- no -- conversations lasting over , say , 20 seconds ) undermines character definition and our two protagonists come off as ciphers rather than characters . the love affair between macleane and rebecca is no different , emotionless and unrealistic . when the script calls for macleane to decide between going to america and going to meet his lover , there is no reason for us to believe it would be worth it for him to abandon his goal ; he and rebecca barely even speak to each other throughout the film . plunkett and macleane wants desperately to be a triumph of style over substance but since its style , quite frankly , blows , the film has no hope of succeeding on any level . i wanted to appreciate this movie on the basis of its admittedly kinetic pace but i couldn't -- it was so kinetic it gave me a headache .

note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers . be forewarned . i was incredulous when i first heard that mgm was planning a sequel to their 1995 science-fiction flick species . squandering an intriguing premise , the original film turned out to be a dreadful mess , widely disliked by both audiences and critics alike -- and nonetheless still somehow succeeded in becoming a financial success , raking in over $60 million domestic during the competitive summer season despite a distinct lack of star power in its cast ( ben kingsley's a splendid actor , but a marquee name he ain't ) . miraculously dodging the bullet with the first film , i doubted that they'd dare tempt fate and go for another round . so here comes species ii , with a new creative team ( director peter medak and screenwriter chris brancato step in for roger donaldson and dennis feldman , respectively ) that fails to improve the series one iota -- like its predecessor , species ii fails to capitalize on a potentially promising kernel and instead runs the gamut from ridiculously silly to unmitigatedly stupid . the film follows the exploits of a young man , patrick ross ( justin lazard ) , whose sole focus is on cruising along the streets in order to pick up women , loitering in strip clubs , and generally trying to bed as many different ladies as he possibly can . in other words , patrick is like a lot of guys ; these activities could describe the everyday routines of a huge percentage of men his age , but there's a catch -- he's an astronaut who recently returned from a seemingly successful mission to mars , and who's now infected with alien dna . patrick's overriding compulsion : to mate and sire countless numbers of gooey little alien offspring . and when he becomes aware of eve ( natasha henstridge ) , a half-human , half-alien clone of the monster from the first film being studied in a government lab , patrick's primary focus turns to her -- " if these two were to mate , the resulting pure strain of offspring would be unstoppable " warns dr . laura baker ( marg helgenberger , gamely reprising her role ) with admirable conviction . species ii opens with the mars mission , and the space scenes are remarkably unconvincing and hokey-looking , even splicing back to dated , grainy footage of actual spacecraft activities -- they really skimped on production values this time around . however , this all looks positively inspired when compared to the first appearance of the evil alien goo which ultimately infests patrick ; watching as it slinks around the command module of the spaceship , any question as to whether or not this is a cheesy b-movie is quickly answered . mr . brancato's original screenplay is filled with outrageous lines which often leaves the audience in stitches . like the first film ( and perhaps in homage to it ) , there's a real penchant for dialogue which underlines the obvious . last time around featured the hootworthy line uttered by forest whitaker's psychic empath character upon entering a bloodsoaked room -- " something bad happened here . " this time , laura gets to stand over a fresh , shredded corpse with its entails ripped out and mutter " this is awful . " and she's not even empathic ! and when a psychotically horny patrick accosts a supermarket shopper and drags her kicking and screaming behind the building in a woefully-paced suspense sequence , eve , who's telepathically linked to her alien/human-hybrid counterpart ( whatever ) , helpfully tells our alien-hunting protagonists , " he's going to rape her . " while species ii is often unintentionally hilarious , at least it occasionally demonstrates a sense of humour of its own . there's an amusing , tongue-in-cheek bit of product placement ( which doesn't really make much sense , but i appreciated the sentiment ) , as well as some supermarket-related hijinx ( " he's in aisle 1 ! " informs eve ) . if the film maintained this sort of light-hearted tone , it would have been much more charming and enjoyable to watch , but , to its detriment , it instead takes its silly plot far too seriously and barrels along to a bloody , effects-ladened anticlimactic conclusion . much of the film fails to make a whole lot of sense , and there are such gaping plot holes that it's terribly difficult to contain any suspension of disbelief . the implausibilities are endless : what about the toxic bomb in eve's brain ? why are the guards armed with guns when they already know firearms are ineffectual ? my favourite was the slow-motion sequence in the film where eve , sporting superhuman strength , is shown tossing aside guards who are attempting to contain her with what look like body blocks . this is the sort of movie which leaves you holding your head in amazed disbelief , incredulous that it's being foisted upon the public . returning headlines michael madsen ( who reprises tough guy press lennox ) and ms . helgenberger do what they can with this goofy screenplay , but there's realistically only so much one can do with this script as a basis . mykelti williamson ( portraying astronaut dennis gamble ) churns out an all-too-familiar spin on a generic brash-mouthed character , and fine character actors george dzundza ( playing colonel burgess and looking ridiculous in the process ) and james cromwell ( patrick's neglectful father , senator ross ) are utterly wasted in the film . mr . lazard gives his character an appropriately shifty-eyed look , while returning vixen ms . henstridge is actually given the opportunity to act in one scene ( and acquits herself nicely ) , but is mostly relegated to reprising her familiar role of parading about in skimpy clothing ( or none at all ) . ms . henstridge recently commented on how some female audiences have expressed appreciation for her character in the first entry of the species series , claiming that " she's so empowered . " a lethal half-alien in heat who dispatches of her sexual partners in grotesque fashion -- now * that's * what i call empowerment .

warren beatty returns to the screens in the funniest , craziest and hard hitting movie in his career . based on a story concocted by himself , and also written by beatty , bulworth gives a good insight of what beatty thinks of the american government system . beatty stars as senator jay bulworth , who's going through a nervous breakdown . after hiring someone to kill him , he completely changes his campaign strategy and tells the honest truth about what's _really_ happening in american politics , much to the annoyance of assistant dennis murphy ( platt . ) instead of everyone hating him , the american public love him . however , inside his party , more people want to kill him than just the hired assassin . and he also strikes a relationship with black girl nina ( berry . ) it's remarkable that this film was released at all . much more open than the rather subdued primary colours , bulworth barely gives the american politic system a good name . the outrageous remarks bulworth makes to his potential voters are very funny , and also somewhat true . it's great that beatty isn't afraid to let loose on a subject . talking of beatty , he's excellent in the role of the demented senator , clearing having fun . and seeing warren beatty have fun is a rare sight indeed . even in dick tracy , he was the most straighten face actor . ( then again , he was the only characters face we could completely see . ) the film gives an opportunity for the 61 year old beatty to indulge in some rapping , which he does with gusto ( and also quite well . ) and seeing beatty as a 'homeboy' has to be seen to be believed . it's nice to see that beatty can laugh at himself . second best is oliver platt as the flustered , coke snorting assistant , who goes over the top when he finally snaps . halle berry is fine , and sexy , as the intellectual nina , who comes to like the senator . also popping up in the supporting cast is paul sorvino wit h a strange accent , laurie metcalf as the exact same characters she's also played , and christine baranski of cybill fame as bullworths wife , who all contribute to the fun . and , this being a political film , the ubiquitous larry king makes an appearance , as , * shock * , himself . the writing and directing , both by beatty , are above par . the direction is very nearly sitcom like , but suits the film perfectly , and both the politics are gangland parts are handled well . the script is funny , and the raps are actually well produced and humorous , and quite clever . they're not cringe inducing , at least . the script makes many points about society in america today , and isn't afraid to make any bold statements about what is a flawed system . best of all , the film is thought provoking , but directed and written in such a way that the film feels as light as a feather , and is very entertaining . there's also a great rap soundtrack with some well chosen tunes . bulworth is a film with many advantages , and few flaws . perhaps it could be somewhat embarrassing to see a 61 year old man rapping , but beatty does it so well it's irrelevant . in fact , there's very little against bulworth , except for the language which is very heavy , but then again it should be expected . bulworth , then , is well worth watching . a david wilcock review ? 1999 " you know , for kids " - norville barnes

" remember what the mpaa says : horrific and deplorable violence is ok as long as you don't say any naughty words . " featuring the voice talents of matt stone , trey parker , mary kay bergman . rated r . filmmakers jump on real-life controversies faster than austin powers on felicity shagwell . the debate on whether cinema is to blame for teenagers turning into hoodlums has only begun to heat up , and already someone's made a movie about it , and it's not , thank god , a tragic account of a family ripped apart by the effect violence in films had on a teenage boy . instead we get a sharp , biting satire that takes no prisoners and leaves no conservative point of view unscathed . based on a popular ( and controversial ) cable tv show , south park : bigger longer and uncut can finally break loose of the shackles placed on the show by television restrictions and take bad taste to brand new heights . the movie is about a group of kids who sneak into a canadian r-rated movie and learn some naughty words . when they exhibit their new knowledge to their moms , they decide to " blame canada , " wage war against the neighbor country and execute " terrence and phillip , " the flatulent actors in the obscene film . the kids form an alliance they name " la resistance " ( with the accent on the third syllable of " resistance " ) to save their favorite thespians , in a hilarious spoof of ( tribute to ? ) les mis ? rables . in a subplot , one of the characters ( kenny , who else ? ) dies and goes to hell where he meets satan . satan and saddam hussein are lovers , you see . satan is a benevolent soul , while our favorite eastern ruler can only think about sex . apparently , too , if terrence and phillip are executed it will be the final sign of the apocalypse and satan can emerge from the deepest bowels of the underground kingdom to rule the earth . aside from being a brilliant satire , south park is also an all-stops-out musical , with unforgettable numbers like " shut your f * * * ing face uncle f * * * er " and " cartman's mom is a big fat bitch " . almost invariably it's funny stuff : often juvenile but always funny . the same can be said for the rest of the movie : it's intelligent but delivered in a sophomoric manner ( i . e . toilet humor , endless profanity , etc . ) . not that there's anything wrong with that : vulgarity , when done right , is my bag , baby . trey parker and matt stone , the twenty-somethings behind the film and the show , paint a bulls-eye on the motion picture association of america and proceed to be the first to start trying to hit it . cruelly mocking the fact that the mpaa's rating system will allegedly tolerate grotesque violence as long as obscenities aren't uttered , the auteurs throw some nasty one-liner insults their way . the ratings-a-plenty association isn't the only target of this unsparing banter : people who favor censoring movies over gun control are equally fair game , with the " blame canada " plot being a not-so-cheap shot at them . the distinctively low-tech " cardboard " animation is oddly effective , even more so than the state of the art " deep canvas " technique aptly demonstrated in the recent tarzan . it's more pleasant to look at , less intimidating up on the screen , and most importantly it doesn't detract from the film's concept as much as disney's admirably awe-inspiring work does . the show's popularity has been waning as of late , and perhaps this movie is just the thing to boost its ratings . perhaps not . having seen the show on numerous occasions , i can say that it's not nearly as smart or as funny as this movie . the series may be better off simply continuing on the big screen every couple years . parker and stone have outdone themselves to the point where i am forced to ask : must the show go on ? ? 1999 eugene novikov&#137 ;

" i seem to have glued myself . . . to myself . " starring jason biggs , seann william scott , chris klein , thomas ian nichols , allyson hannigan , shannon elizabeth , natasha lyonne , tara reid , mena suvari , eugene levy , jennifer coolidge . directed by j . b . rogers . rated r . american pie 2 reunites the cast members from american pie in a different setting ; instead of being high school seniors looking to score before they graduate , they are now past their first year of college and have gathered in a beach house to enjoy the summer of their lives . jim ( jason biggs ) is still an insecure geek looking to improve his performance , oz ( chris klein ) is still the sweetest guy on the block , having sickeningly saccharine phone conversations with his studying-abroad girlfriend , stifler ( seann william scott ) is still a horny stoner , kevin ( thomas ian nichols ) still has no personality and finch ( eddie kaye thomas ) still longs for stifler's mom . have i missed anyone ? so , obviously , not much has changed . this is not a problem , provided that the movie boasts the rapid-fire hilarity and unexpectedly true sentiment of the original . but american pie 2 is the very definition of " sequelitis . " it's coarser , yes , and it pushes the envelope even more , but its heart isn't in it . it's easy cash to capitalize off the first film's success , but it would have been a worthier investment to prolong the franchise by coming up with something original . part of the reason why the film doesn't work , i think , is that while in the original the kids' quest for sex was a coming-of-age stepping stone as much as an outlet for their horniness . here , everything has been cheapened . they behave like those idiot frat boys who kill themselves drinking ; they have no motivation except for sex , sex , beer and sex . that's not to say that you can't make a decent comedy from that premise , but it is one of american pie 2's undoings . missing , too , is the sweetness that permeated american pie , the this-could-be-you quality of the main players . here , the characters are too aware of themselves as pop-culture icons , and they're even more one-note . stifler and finch are now caricatures while jim , oz and kevin are forced to make awkward self-discoveries at arbitrary moments , none of them betraying what the writers think the audiences want to see . and then there's the soon-to-be-notorious scene where jim superglues " himself to himself , " which perfectly demonstrates yet another of the film's ailments , one that also permeated say it isn't so , director j . b . rodgers' debut . there's a fine line between comedy and abject humiliation , and american pie 2 is on the wrong side of it . it's hard to laugh at the characters when you are profoundly embarrassed for them . i shielded my eyes watching this more than i have watching any horror movie . if there's one redeeming factor to american pie 2 , it's the inimitable eugene levy as jim's dad , who pops in on jim as he's about to score and utters lines like " your mother and i have been known to get frisky . . . not so much anymore , but . . . " and then when the girl's parents walk in , blurts out " this must be your daughter ! i didn't get her name , but hopefully my son did . " if only the rest of the movie had the wit and wisdom of levy's performance . this is an unworthy sequel to a gross-fest that brought back the raunchy teen comedy . the box-office of this onw should keep the genre going strong , which is disappointing . the genre needs a hiatus ; filmmakers are getting lazy .

mugshot ( director/writer/cinematographer/editor : matt mahurin ; cast : belinda becker ( stella ) , michael williams ( rumor ) , robert knepper ( joe/chris ) , robert walker ( random ) , willie lassic ( young brother of rumor ) , maxine joiner ( rumor's mother ) ; runtime : 87 ; mortal films ; 1995 ) reviewed by dennis schwartz a bleak indie film about a stolen identity . there's not much more to this visually stylish film than what meets the eye , as it relies on shock to tell its story of a prolonged vicious mugging . it falls into the category of being a pretentious art-house film , leaving a bitter taste in one's mouth as it stereotypes its characters and unintentionally further inflames the racial issues . it tries to make a heavy-handed point about disenfranchised black youths trapped by their environment , with their only way out being crime . but the story is so filled with violence and its nyc setting looks like hell , that it's hard to enjoy this film and to follow what the logic in the story is supposed to mean . the relationship between the black mugger and his white victim is a cloudy one , which the film never determines what it wants to say about it . matt mahurin is virtual one-man crew in putting this film together ( director/writer /cinematographer/editor ) , who is a still photographer in his day job . the film works best as a visually challenging piece , as each shot looks like a photograph carefully telling the story unfolding . a white photographer ( robert knepper ) is mugged by a black gang while he's on a freelance assignment to take a photo shoot of harlem at night . he becomes a victim of amnesia and his head is bloodied as he's left in a deserted harlem building , as the gang leaves him for dead ; but , one of the muggers , rumor ( michael williams ) , comes back and pretends to help him . he's a would-be photographer , who keeps a scrapbook entitled mugshots in the project apartment he shares with his mother and younger brother . keeping his victim in the dark about who he is by calling him joe and not telling him what's happening , he becomes the photographer for a few days . he enters the photographer's stylish greenwich village apartment and steals his expensive camera , and decides to hold the mugging vic for ransom when he finds out he has a black girlfriend , stella ( belinda becker ) . she's the only one in the film who could act . the film is stuck with a clumsy dialogue and an overuse of symbolism , as it ends with nothing more to tell after the shock and the violent situation it created except to beat it into the ground . it could only be commended for how appealing the film looks , as if it's a scrapbook of still photos put together to celebrate a mugging .

martin scorsese's triumphant adaptation of edith wharton's the age of innocence is a stunning film for the quintessential new york filmmaker , the man who brought the streets of taxi driver and mean streets to life . it seems like an odd choice for scorsese to do a period piece in the early 1900's , but the fact that he pulls it off so brilliantly is a wonder , and a testament to the greatness of scorsese as a filmmaker . this is a gorgeous visual experience that it surely one of scorsese's finest . newland archer ( day-lewis ) is a prestigious lawyer who is engaged to may welland ( ryder ) , a somewhat empty and shallow new yorker , who belongs to a prestigious family and is quite beautiful . the marriage is one which will unite two very prestigious families , in a society where nothing is more important than the opinions of others . on the day that archer is to announce his engagement to may , countess ellen olenska ( pfeiffer ) , cousin of may , walks into archer's life . archer is immediately captivated , and finds himself in love with ellen . archer is also bound by the limits of new york society , which is an intrusive as any other in the world . archer finds himself having a secret love affair in his mind with countess olenska , attempting to keep her in his mind while trying not to lose his social status . the film's subject matter may seem alien to scorsese , but the theme is definitely not . it is a theme of forbidden romance , guilty pleasures , and the consequences causes because of those actions . there is a painstakingly flawed hero , and his choice between the life he wants , and the life he is destined for . in truth , it is a film about a society the audience doesn't know about , but wants to find out more , much like the society of goodfellas or even kundun . the performances are absolutely breathtaking . day-lewis portrays more mental anguish in his face than one man should be forced to take . pfeiffer is marvelous as countess olenska , a mix of passion and beauty that the audience would die for as well . ryder is probably the gem of the group , for it is her quiet presence that overwhelms the plot , and slowly pushes day-lewis closer and closer to his eventual ending . the supporting cast is also wonderful , with several characters so singular that they are indelible in one's memory . scorsese definitely has a passion for filmmaking . his lavish and sumptuous set design and marvelous recreation of new york is a wondrous sight . he literally transports the viewer to another world with incredible imagery . his script is also excellent , slow in buildup , with a rapid conclusion and a fantastic ending that has to be seen to be believed . it is difficult to make a period piece gripping : scorsese , however , does it beautifully . the famous cameras of the legendary director are also everywhere . he is patient , but he films everything and anything remotely important . the cameras sweep , pan , track , and do more than they've ever done , but they are so subtle , one doesn't realize he's watching all the scorsese hallmarks until a 2nd viewing . the central tracking shot is probably longer and more complex than the famous goodfellas shot , but the viewer doesn't notice it , because we want to see more of this gorgeous world . there are a few deft touches of filmmaking that are simply outstanding , and joanne woodward' narration is exquisite . not a fast film like goodfellas , this shares more in common with kundun than anything else . and like kundun , this is a slow-starting film that truly shines , when given the chance to fully breathe and bloom in the end . a beautiful film by a director continuing to challenge himself year after year .

you always have to be careful with the first official studio release out of the gate each year . they're obviously films for which the studios have no great hopes ( having missed both the deadline for academy award eligibility and the big box-office holiday season ) . combine that with howie long's first starring action role , and you've got a doozy of a movie that , while not as bad as it could have been , isn't a very good film . howie stars as an ace smokejumper ( a firefighter who parachutes into forest fires unreachable from the ground ) . in the slightly contrived opening scenes , we witness his heroism in action , as he , and his mentor ( played by scott glenn ) attempt to rescue a small girl and her dog from an oncoming forest fire . william forsythe plays the bad guy , a mass murderer who has several million dollars tucked away to help fund his jailbreak . he ( and five convict cohorts ) manages to get selected for firefighting duty when a woodland blaze just happens to ignite nearby . his escape plan bets a lot on the laxity of the guards , but ( since there must be a movie ) luck is with him . soon the now-escaped convicts are masquerading as canadian firefighters . why canadian ? who knows , eh ? along the way they pick up a pretty birdwatcher ( suzy amis ) to be their hostage . enter howie long . he's called in to help fight the blaze , and when he spots the group of " ground pounders " , apparently lost , he parachutes in to help . when he discovers their true identity , he is the only thing standing between them and escape , and the only hope of help for the hostage . long's acting talents are above those of , say , steven seagal , but not by much . although his delivery is mostly flat and wooden , he's a likeable hero , and there are some hints here and there that he may get better . the script doesn't help him out any , however . all too often , it veers into the realm of the unintentionally funny . the dialogue is strictly b-movie material , and the plotting relies too heavily on coincidences to be believable . long's co-stars are a mixed bag . at least they're all comfortable in their respective roles . forsythe has the scenery-chewing villain down cold , down cold , and scott glenn is always enjoyable to watch , even when he doesn't seem to be stretching his talents ( as is definitely the case here ) . suzy amis plays peril pretty well , but isn't given much more to do . some of the nature and wildfire shots are interesting , but many are rather bland . you'd think that the director , dean semler , a former cinematographer , would at least produce a film with interesting visuals . that's not the case . there's a lack of originality to nearly all the sequences . . . we've seen this stuff before . it's not the most auspicious start to 1998 , but it could have been worse ( just think back to 1996's debut , bio-dome ) . however , after a month of oscar-caliber pictures , a movie like firestorm at least gives you some perspective on how good those movies really were . in fact , there's a good chance that some of them are still playing near you . . .

after seeing blaze and driving miss daisy , i was ready for some mindless fun--oh , maybe something like tango & cash . maybe not ! mindless fun is one thing , but brain-dead slop is another matter altogether . tango & cash has " lowest common denominator " written all over it . the movie stars sylvester stallone and kurt russell as rival undercover cops in l . a . russell plays cash , a reckless slob who dresses in jeans and tee shirts . stallone plays tango , a wealthy investor who works on the force strictly for the thrill of it ; he doesn't need the money . in an effort to change his image , stallone goes for a yuppie , gq look in the film , wearing spectacles and three piece suits . the two detectives reluctantly become partners after they are framed for murder and have to break out of prison to clear their names . tango & cash is unbearably noisy . for starters , there's harold faltermeyer's annoying synthesized score , which gets old after four notes . to make matters worse , the filmmakers seem to think that when it comes to loud explosions and screeching cars , the more the merrier . in fact , the movie begins with not one but two car chases . there's nothing like a good old car chase to introduce the characters in a movie . screenwriter randy feldman's brain must have gone to mush from watching too many cop shows on tv . his shockingly stupid screenplay undermines anything and everything the movie has going for it , such as stallone's efforts to convince you that tango is an intellectual . in a movie with the iq level of an amoeba , even a great actor is going to have trouble looking intelligent--and stallone is no lawrence olivier . it's hard to imagine anyone reading feldman's script and thinking , " i want to be in this movie . " the film's plot doesn't have one original bone in its body , and--again--you have to point your finger at the screenwriting . feldman's story line succumbs to every crime thriller cliche in the book , making tango & cash altogether generic and predictable . they simply could have called it " action movie . " every character , every twist and turn , is stolen from television or from other movies . adding insult to injury , tango & cash is about as believable as a " road runner " cartoon . action movies don't have to be realistic , but they should absorb you enough so that you're not thinking about the lack of realism . the only artistic aspect of tango & cash is the cinematography . there are some spectacular shots , especially during the rainy nighttime prison break in which tango and cash slide to safety on electrical wires . the film's main draw is the chemistry between stallone and russell . unfortunately , their relationship rarely progresses past macho competition as they endlessly bicker about who packs more meat in his pants . the dialogue consists of nothing but one-liners , and consequently the attempts at character development are embarrassing . it's a shame because with a workable screenplay , russell and stallone could have turned tango & cash into a charming " lethal weaponesque " adventure . tango & cash tries to maintain a light tone , and you do laugh about once every five minutes . seeing russell in drag is the movie's funniest moment , but you probably already have seen it in the commercials . furthermore , the light tone does not sit well against the relentlessly brutal violence . machine guns and torture generally don't mix well with comedy . jack palance appears in tango & cash doing what he does best : playing a sleazy , conniving villain . his character , however , is run-of-the-mill , except for his strange obsession with mice . like many movie villains , palance likes to play games . in fact , he sets a ridiculously elaborate trap for tango and cash , a trap which sends the two detectives to prison so they can be beaten and electrocuted by some meanies in the boiler room . you have to wonder why palance doesn't just shoot the detectives in the head ! the story would crumble if any of the characters were to do anything intelligent . teri hatcher plays stallone's sister and russell's love-interest , and she is just as pretty as can be . but regrettably , hatcher's acting is not on par with her exceptional beauty . every time she opens her mouth , you cringe ; corny dialogue and atrocious acting are always a fatal combination . there's really very little , if anything , to recommend in the film . and , more to the point , tango definitely isn't worth a penny of your cash--so don't bother .

you've got to love disney . no matter what they serve up , it is a guaranteed success as long as it's animated . kids have to go see the movie . then they have to get the toys . oh , the video came out ? got to buy it , or risk little billy's temper tantrums for the next month . all of this culminates in the childhood equivalent of a pilgrimage to mecca : a visit to the magic kingdom . stay at the disneyland hotel ! buy a disney t-shirt ! eat an ice cream mickey mouse on a stick ! it's both a vertical and horizontal monopoly when you think about it . dale carnegie should have had it so good . what's most amazing is that all this success is in spite of a severe lack of originality . you see , disney animated features these days have two components : theme and plot . the theme changes with each new movie ; the plot does not . the plot is a mold into which the characters of some ancient fable are dropped , and try as they might to rise above the characters of previous features , they are nearly always destined to do no more than the same . however , while the success of a disney animated feature is generally a given as far as box-office receipts , merchandising dollars , and glimmers in the eyes of little children , critically they are as varied as anything else that hollywood has to offer . luckily , disney's latest animated offering , mulan , manages to be engaging and refreshing , even while rife with formula . the film starts with the invasion of ancient china by the huns , led by the imposing shan-yu ( miguel ferrer ) . soon , china's emperor ( pat morita ) mobilizes his armies and decrees that one male from each family in the country shall serve to fight in china's defense . when the fa family is served notice , it is the elderly father , fa zhou ( soon-tek oh ) who must answer the call , as there are no other males in the household . fearing her father will surely be killed in battle , fa mulan ( ming-na wen ) disguises herself as a man and sneaks off with the royal orders to join the chinese army . mulan , based on a chinese epic poem , is a classic tale of the triumph of the ugly duckling . mulan herself is a disgrace to her loving family , as she has a difficult time fitting into the traditional woman's role , and in a very amusing scene where a matchmaker attempts to assess her value to a potential husband , we see that " grace " is not one of her strong points . very early on , we are presented with the high importance of bringing honor to one's family , and by botching her chance at gaining the favor of the matchmaker , mulan fails at that task . by leaving home to fight in her father's place , she may not only spare his life , but bring honor , too . as is the case with most disney musicals , the songs are first rate and pervasive throughout the film . i'm not sure if they will get much airplay , but at least one of the songs will no doubt receive recognition come oscar time . both lea salonga , who provides the singing voice for mulan , and donny osmond who sings for shang , the captain of mulan's army unit and obligatory love interest , are more than competent , although salonga's voice translates much better to animation . you have to hear it to understand . interestingly , the musical numbers which are so often done with big flourishes are surprisingly muted in mulan . there is no significantly big number , which is customary as the second or third song in a disney film , but this does not detract significantly from the rest of the movie . it is , however , an expectation which has been built by disney's own formulaic history , and some viewers may feel as if something is missing . artistically , the animators have chosen to adopt the more subdued pastels of chinese artwork , and although this may not live up to the vibrance so associated with many of the other disney works , it helps to contribute a more authentic , and therefore more credible , nature to what otherwise may be seen as a typically " disneyfied " ethnic tale . there are also a couple of visually standout scenes , one involving the charge of shan-yu's hun army , which utilizes the same computer-enhanced imagery disney animators have employed since the chandelier in beauty and the beast . the other scene worth mentioning is so quick you might miss it . when mulan resolves to take her father's place , she dons her father's old battle armor , and unsheathes a sword . as she does so , you can see her reflection in the polished metal . it just left me thinking , " that was really cool . " a wonderful range of performances delight the audience throughout the film , varying from the straight , such as soon-tek oh as fa zhou , to the comical , such as harvey fierstein as yao , a gruff , pugilistic member of shang's conscripted army . even more outrageous is eddie murphy as mushu , the diminutive guardian dragon sent to look after mulan . although an obvious attempt to relive the chemistry brought forth by robin williams in aladdin , murphy nevertheless distinguishes himself with his own winning performance . i found the choice of b . d . wong as shang a little strange ( you may remember him as martin short's wedding planner assistant in the father of the bride ) , but they used robbie benson for the voice of the beast in beauty and the beast , so i guess anything's possible . in any event , wong performs admirably as well . one character which provides a significant amount of humor is grandmother fa . she deserves recognition not only because of the levity she brings to the movie , but also because she is voiced by two very remarkable people . june foray , who supplies grandmother fa's speaking voice , is a venerable voice actress who may be best known for her work as rocky the squirrel and natasha fatale ( as in boris and natasha ) . marni nixon , who provides grandmother fa's singing voice , is the same vocalist who dubbed the voices for anna in the king and i , maria in west side story , and eliza in my fair lady . with this in mind , hearing grandmother fa is like listening to a little piece of history . mulan is the latest disney animated feature to get away from some of the eurocentrism which for so long dominated disney films . in an effort to be culturally sensitive ( and to avoid a " miss saigon " -type debacle ) , disney has also wisely chosen to employ many asian-american actors for both lead and supporting roles . in addition to the actors already mentioned , the cast includes such ubiquitous talents as james hong , gedde watanabe , james shigeta , and george takei . i guess clyde kusatsu wasn't available . at a running time of slightly under an hour and a half , mulan moves quickly and provides solid entertainment for both children and , happily , adults . this is the kind of disney feature that makes you wonder what they will do next , rather than hope that the next one is better .

capsule : silly and inane adaptation of gibson's short story , which is nowhere in sight . gibson's script only adds insult to injury . johnny mnemonic is an awesomely bad movie . i say " awesomely " because it's one thing to fail , but another thing entirely to fail so completely that even the chances for camp value are sabotaged . keanur reeves ( who is terrible ) stars as johnny , an " information courier " who can carry dozens of gigabytes of data in his head . he is given " one last job " ( whenever you are in a movie and you hear those words , run ) , which involves him shoving so much data into his cranium that it could be lethal . one of the neater touches that the movie brings in is that the only way he could make such an arrangement work was by ditching all of his childhood memories , but it's only followed up on in a token fashion . for his trouble , johnny gets chased by the yakuza , who seem to be the new bad guys in all the high-tech thrillers . what's funny is that if you watch gangster movies made * in * japan , there are whole gobs of details about genuine yakuza behavior and ethics , but of course there's no room in this movie for any of that . the yakuza are simply used to point guns , wave swords , flaunt tattoos , and grimace menacingly . ( i could go on about how gangsters and criminals of many other ethnicities have gotten thoughtful examinations in the movies -- bound by honor , sugar hill and american me come to mind -- when asians remain perpetually stereotyped . but that's another essay . ) anyway , johnny runs and eventually winds up in newark . why newark ? maybe because it was cheaper to fake a future newark than a future new york , that's why . there , he meets an assortment of odd characters ( ice-t , dolph lundgren and henry rollins play a whole gallery of weirdos ) . the script deals with them with all the depth of pieces of furniture . it turns out ( what else ? ) that the data in johnny's head could save a lot of people , but of course johnny only wants it out of his head so it doesn't kill him . handled right , this could have been absorbing , but the script manages to mangle any chance of real sympathy for johnny at every opportunity . the details about the look and feel of the future are all phoned in from other , better movies -- blade runner and brazil come to mind . everything looks run-down and scummy , everyone dresses like they're punk rockers , and videophones are commonplace . snore . the only really interesting flourish is an extended depiction of the way the internet might work in the future ( complete with vr goggles and feedback gloves ) , but i kept thinking that it was more like what some relatively un-technical fellow would * think * it would look and behave like . a hacker of johnny's caliber would be blasting away with one command-line function after another , instead of wasting all this time twiddling with holograms , but of course that's not cinematic . whatever . what went wrong with this movie ? gibson wrote his own screenplay , which i guess is part of the problem : what works as a short story doesn't work in a movie . his ear for dialogue is terrible and the plot doesn't advance , it convulses . from the script on out , it was probably all downhill . renting the movie to make fun of it is sort of pointless ; there's no fun in kicking a wounded dog , is there ?

cashing in on the success of white men can't jump and the failure of most of their solo vehicles ( including the cowboy way and drop zone ) , wesley snipes and woody harrelson have reteamed , hoping that they can strike up the same success . sadly , if this dismal , cliche ridden and mind-numbingly boring action pic is anything to go by , they haven't got a chance in hell of even coming close . this time out , the duo play foster brothers who are transit cops . following several run-ins with their tyrannical boss ( robert blake ) , who is obsessed with the " money train " --a train which carries all the subway's takings--and will let nothing stop it ( now * there's * an original plot device ) , harrelson's character decides to try and take off with the cash . along the way , both of them fall in love with the same woman--another transit cop who also hates her boss . this leads to the typical sibling rivalry crap that you usually find in a film of this standard ( 'you were always the better brother' etc . etc . etc . ) , and doesn't help to add anything to the film . given a better script , better performers in supporting roles and a shorter running time ( the film almost went for two hours--or did it just feel like it ? ) , this film might ( and i mean * might * ) have turned out okay , but as it is , it is stocked with the worst action film cliches , whose only purpose appears to be to pad the film out to its painfully long running time . robert blake , who plays the evil boss , has got to be the most pathetic bad guy in film history ! he sounds like wayne newton , and appears to think the best way to appear evil is to have your eyes bulging as though they are about to burst out of their sockets ! but this is only one of money train's problems . if you look at the script as if it was an action film , it lacks originality and suspense . but if you try to look at it as if it were a heist film , it is even worse . the final robbery sequence is almost trivialised and the characters definitely ain't butch and sundance . the film isn't all bad though . snipes and harrelson , when they aren't using the dumb cliches that the script gives them , make an agreeable duo , and some of the stunt-work is indeed excellent . but good stunt-work cannot save a bottom-of-the-barrel action movie . if you're a really undemanding action freak , there's a chance you'll like this . but if you're looking for something original , or suspenseful , try somewhere else--i doubt you'll find it here .

linda fiorentino disappeared off the radar after a deservedly heralded turn in the cable pic the last seduction , and her being cast as dogma's lead is nothing short of inexplicable . she's still in fine form as bethany , an abortion clinic worker who's lost her faith . one night , a visitor from heaven makes a fiery entrance in bethany's bedroom . he is metatron ( alan rickman ) , the voice of god , and he needs her help : she must stop two fallen angels from entering a new jersey church-the fate of the universe depends on it . god would do it him/herself , but he/she is . . . missing , having taken up human form somewhere on earth never to be heard from again . bethany is joined on her road trip to the garden state by the " prophets " jay ( jason mewes ) and silent bob ( kevin smith , doing double-duty ) , the slacker minstrels who have appeared in all of smith's films thus far . at some point , rock drops naked out of the sky as rufus , the undocumented ( and very black ) " thirteenth apostle " , and offers his assistance , as does divine stripper serendipity ( salma hayek ) . it's a wild ride . they're in pursuit of loki and bartleby ( damon and affleck , respectively-this is probably the sharpest either has ever been ) , who were banished from heaven to wisconsin and have discovered a dogmatic loophole that will enable their return . loki decides to wreak havoc along the way with the knowledge that his sins will be absolved at the pearly gates . at one point , he terrorizes a boardroom full of suits with an angry combination of words and bullets . it's a nasty , guiltily enjoyable little scene that asks , " how corrupt are you ? " . wings of desire this ain't . since debuting with clerks , smith has grown as a director , particularly in terms of working with actors . ( chris rock is this film's only weak link-between jokes , he's wooden . ) his no-frills visual style hasn't changed much over the years , though ( dogma's widescreen compositions at least have blockbuster affectations ) , nor has his writing-his characters still sit around delivering one caustic , hilarious speech after another . dogma chips away at big religious issues-namely , the hypocrisy that accompanies any organized system of beliefs-eloquently and articulately , but a few of the monologues sound too much like blatant exposition . as well , the verbal introduction of each new person seems to take forever . any movie with this much weighty talk would have a hard time maintaining momentum ( hurlyburly , anyone ? ) , and eventually dogma's pacing goes slack . a long diatribe from bartleby late in the game , in which he laments the destiny of celestial beings , comes at a point when we've heard enough . because his change of heart ( bartleby is initially the good cop to loki's bad ) drives the climax , said rant is given a great deal of screen time . sure , affleck deserved a big moment ( damon steals their scenes together prior ) , but it ultimately makes the film and us feel bloated . like tarantino , smith was a video-age sponge who became a sample-mad indie filmmaker . dogma pays welcome homage to an eclectic batch of movies , including indiana jones and the last crusade , with silent bob doing his best harrison ford , and weird science-a shit demon attacks our heroes ! smith also has a kitchen sink brand of humour : his dexterous maneuvering between the satirical ( a cardinal played by george carlin attempts to mount a publicity campaign with the slogan " catholicism wow ! " ) and the scatalogical ensures that no lover of comedy will leave dogma feeling malnourished . i bust ( ed ? ) a gut on several occasions . proceedings also get off on the right foot with the opening with the funniest disclaimer ever . it's a disclaimer unlikely to put protestors at ease , for to read it , one actually has to see dogma . the prerelease ballyhoo is in the tradition of the last temptation of christ's , martin scorsese's 1988 adaptation of nikos kazantzakis' controversial novel , in that it is not directly linked to the picture's content but to rumours and heresy . there's a famous anecdote about fletch director michael ritchie inviting picketers of the last temptation of christ into a screening on his dime , just so they could know for certain what they were rallying against . ( not one of them had watched it . ) every single person refused . smith and scorsese have a lot in common , and so do the two films in question , because both smith's bethany and scorsese's jesus are hollow shells without their faith . in fact , dogma's denouement ( which follows a thrilling showdown that's worth the wait ) is a catholic love-in , a veritable recruitment poster . ( i felt sentimental about a religion i don't belong to . now that's powerful filmmaking . ) smith is nothing if not sincere about his own devotion to god , and that spirituality shines through . it's enough to make me forgive dogma for its editorial sins . my religion is movies . when the catholic league beats on dogma for imaginary crimes against a doctrine , in a roundabout way they're attacking what i live for : freedom of expression through celluloid . i therefore feel that , although i'm no bible-thumper , i'm at least as qualified to criticize dogma as william donohue and his followers .

even if i did not know that director and co-writers james wong and jeffrey reddick of the creepy final destination helped create the hit television show the x-files , i would have inevitably made a connection . the similarities are very apparent from the inexplicable phenomenon- like plot , to the mysterious characters , to the overall dark , ominous settings . it would have been perfectly fitting to see fbi agents mulder and scully investigate this case , they witness stuff like this on a weekly basis ( in fact mulder and scully would have been a much more welcome change to the bland one dimensional fbi agents seen in this movie ) . another more important similarity , is that both succeed in entertaining and thrilling at the same time . this is a great accomplishment for a teen horror movie , especially when compared to some of the trash , of the same genre , released in the last couple of years ( urban legend and i still know what you did last summer are classic examples from the bunch ) . what helps final destination is its unique premise . unlike your average horror flick in which some invincible psycho with a knife chases blonde cheerleaders , the villain presented is unusual , it's the grim reaper . this being already has predestined when and how you will die . according to the brief history lesson given in this film , everyone was meant to die at a certain time , some people at 100 , others at 17 , whatever death chooses . what is unique about death is that it's already dead , so you can't really kill it . the only way to defeat death is to cheat it ; the question is how do you do that ? this dilemma is what faces alex and a group of teenagers . alex has been having some dreams that the airplane which will take his class on a trip to paris will crash , leaving no survivors . alex begins to realize that his dreams are a little too real and eventually gets himself and six others kicked off the plane right before it takes off . shortly after , the plane does indeed crash leaving some of the seven survivors confused and others feeling immortal . however , death isn't through with them yet . it gradually kills off the seven one by one , leaving those currently still alive frantically trying to trick death again . the plot allows for some of the most creative , original death scenes i have seen in a while . some scenes build up the perfect amount of tension until an elaborate climax , others are so unexpected they will leave your jaw wide open in shock . creativity and originality are two adjectives lacking in most horror films nowadays but final destination is not like most horror films . sure , it has your traditional share of jerks and outsiders ( ali larter's character is particularly annoying ) , but the shocks , from the beginning to the end , are extremely entertaining . also director wong has the sense not to take the movie too seriously . he knows its just another entertaining guilty pleasure that won't win any academy awards ( not even a golden globe ) . the myriad of inside jokes and gags ( the characters are named after famous horror directors , one character who plays a jerk is named carter , like x-files creator chris carter , and a song by john denver , who died in a plane crash , plays whenever death is near ) show this movie is a bunch of guys having a good time making a movie . and from this , i had a great time watching the movie .

he has spent his entire life in an awful little apartment , raised and cared for and imprisoned by his domineering mother . she inspires his love and his fear , and instills in him a similar love and fear of jesus . he has a rudimentary grasp of language , mouthing monosyllables and repetitions of his mother's phrases . he is taught that the world outside is fatally poisonous ; his mother dons a gasmask whenever she goes out the door . he is 35-years-old in body , but a child in mind and spirit . he is the premise for bad boy bubby , a defiantly original australian movie about a man called bubby ( nicholas hope ) who has spent his entire life in an awful little apartment , etc . , etc . then one day his father ( ralph cotterill ) appears . his father is a shabby down-at-heels priest who appears to have permanently misplaced his religion . unsurprisingly , he is not thrilled with the way " his " boy has turned out . he is , however , rather pleased at renewing his acquaintance with the mother ( claire benito ) , and , more to the point , her ample breasts . soon they are copulating on the dingy couch , while bubby crouches , confused , in the next room , acutely aware that the mother who had devoted all her attention to him has a new interest . bubby's relationship to the world may be warped , but it is at least stable . the father's arrival disturbs his precarious balance , causing an oedipal conflict which ends--freud would be pleased--in violence and , as a result , freedom . bubby intuits from his father's arrival that the air outside is breathable : he leaves the apartment , his past , his world , behind . so far , so good . the first thirty minutes or so of bad boy bubby , which bring us to this point , are quite brilliant . the movie is at its best when its stays within the constraints of bubby's hermetic two-room universe . it follows through unrelentingly on the implications of its premise : bubby is used by his mother for sex , he unwittingly suffocates the pet cat with cellophane , he is terrifed by the notion that jesus will beat him senseless if he sins . it is grim and savage and appalling , but also strangely tender--de heer , having imagined a life as bizarre as bubby's , does not exaggerate for comic or grotesqe purposes , but simply empathizes . he observes what it might be like . the intensity of these opening scenes , with their minimalist mise-en-scene , immerses us in a claustrophobic environment which seems to be a decayed stratum of our own world , and owes much to david lynch's eraserhead , not least the ambient industrial white noise of the soundtrack . for thirty minutes , the movie maintains the feel and mood of a reality that does not seem far removed from our own . then de heer lets bubby out , brings him into contact with our world , and the film never quite recovers . our unlikely hero finds himself in port adelaide , where he wanders the streets and meets people , where he suffers and learns and survives . he is seduced by a young woman from a salvation army band ( how an anti-social half-wit with no sense of hygiene manages to get laid mere hours after his escape is not the sort of question the film encourages , wisely ) ; he is given free pizza by a sympathetic waitress ; he insults a traffic cop and is punched in the stomach ; he shares a few beers in the back of a truck with a rock group ; he is imprisoned and raped ; he becomes a translator for mentally handicapped people whose speech is impaired beyond comprehension ; he is loved by a motherly large-breasted nurse ( carmel johnson ) . . . it goes on , by turns inventive , silly , tasteless , endearing , and sometimes all of these things at once . de heer never seems to be sure how bubby should interface with the real world : the tone shifts , uneasily , from fable to realism to satire and back again . the scenes which try to touch base with a believable version of reality are the weakest ; the film is best understood as a kind of parable , and , indeed , the religious implications of bubby's experiences are foregrounded : icons of jesus on the cross hang from the mother's walls , bubby dons a priest's collar stolen from his father , a church organ-playing atheist lectures him on the necessity of unbelief , the woman who redeems him is named angel . the manifold stresses of our world do not shatter bubby's mind , do not fragment him into psychosis ; rather , the world accomodates him , and heals him . although de heer's touch is at times overbearing , bubby's salvation is touching ; what seemd at first a harsh lesson in the damaging effects of the social construction of reality becomes a na ? ve humanist tale of improbable hope . a hapless rock group write a song about bubby and sing it for him and so give him the gift of community . he returns the favour when he steps on stage one night and becomes their frontman , turning the fragmented impressions of his experiences into performance art , and turning the band into a popular draw . innocence triumphs . bubby becomes a holy fool , an idiot savant , and graces us with wisdom . it's a strange turn of events , but by now we shouldn't be surprised , because bad boy bubby ain't like other movies .

allen , star of many a brian depalma movie in the early eighties , has a brief , throwaway part towards the end of " out of sight , " as the maid of a crooked financier . in keeping with her past performances , allen wears little more than a green velvet victoria's secret ensemble which begs the question , did they really need a costume designer for this ? " out of sight " is not likely to secure ms . allen the kind of plaudits bestowed upon pam grier , who likewise returned from out of obscurity to appear in another recent elmore leonard adaptation , " jackie brown , " but it is intriguing to see her name kicking off the " also starring " credits given her limited screen time . the real stars of " out of sight " are george clooney ( " batman & robin " by way of " e . r . " ) and jennifer lopez ( " selena " ) , whose winning chemistry , coupled with steven soderbergh's freeze-frame directorial technique , help the film retain the charismatic charm of leonard's original work . with the success of " get shorty " three years ago , filmmakers have realized that adapting an elmore leonard novel can be an easier proposition than trying to dream up a storyline from scratch . in " out of sight , " clooney stars as jack foley , a career criminal who specializes in unarmed robbery--he just waltzes into banks and politely makes a withdrawal , claiming that his " partner " ( just another customer it so happens ) will shoot the manager if the teller doesn't comply . for all of jack's nice-guy charm though , he's not very lucky . his latest scam lands him in florida's glades correctional facility . federal marshal karen sisco ( lopez ) coincidentally arrives at the prison just as jack and his buddy ( ving rhames , typically appealing ) are breaking out . there's a brief struggle and jack bundles himself and karen into the trunk of the getaway car . it's in these cramped confines , pressed intimately together , that jack and karen start falling for one another . the mutual attraction continues as the couple on opposite sides of the law slip in and out of one another's grasp . karen follows jack to detroit , where he's about to pull off another heist , this time a cache of uncut diamonds from incarcerated businessman richard ripley ( played by a toupee-sporting albert brooks , almost unrecognizable in the prison scenes ) . it's during this final caper-gone-awry that allen makes her scant appearance . clooney's range as an actor is limited , but he has undeniable charm . lopez , too , is easy on the eyes , but she demonstrates more depth in her portrayal of karen , a tough yet tender professional . she dispenses with hit men as easily as she out-maneuvers sleazy pick-up artists in a bar . especially cute is a sequence in which karen fantasizes about jack in a motel bathtub . admirably supporting clooney and lopez are don cheadle as fellow felon maurice 'snoopy' miller , steve zahn as the perennially stoned glenn michaels , and dennis farina as karen's dad , who affectionately buys her a piece . add a couple of uncredited cameos from " jackie brown " cast members and " out of sight " proves to be a lot of fun . not as hip and clever as " shorty , " perhaps , or as complex and colorful as " brown , " but loads of fun nonetheless .