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if chris farley had strapped some fake mutton-chop sideburns to each side of his head , spoken with a thick irish accent , and tried his damnedest to play it straight , he wouldn't have been nearly as funny as brendan gleeson in " i went down . "
gleeson , who's not dissimilar to the late " saturday night live " alumnus in terms of physical attributes , plays a character named bunny kelly in this delightful irish film .
bunny is sent to county cork to " retrieve " one frank grogan for an irish gangster called tom french ( well dressed like all good gangsters should be and menacingly portrayed by tony doyle ) .
bunny is to accompany git hynes ( peter mcdonald ) , recently released from prison and obligated to tom for disfiguring one of his cronies .
that tom french is a mean bollocks .
he wants frank back .
and a small matter of some ? 25 , 000 that tom's wife was supposed to have given to frank .
for this he won't break anyone's thumbs .
maybe .
inventively and engagingly written by conor mcpherson and directed by paddy breathnach , " i went down " follows the trials and tribulations of git and bunny as they knock around peat bogs , dimly-lit pubs , and seedy hostelries trying to stay alive and out of trouble .
mcdonald is a newcomer and a promising one at that , but gleeson has been in over a dozen movies , most recently as father bubbles in another film with a very irish accent on hilarity , " the butcher boy . "
even if you can't comprehend half of what they're saying , gleeson and mcdonald together make " i went down " a trip worth taking .
the film is in many ways reminiscent of another " little " independent feature , 1991's " highway 61 . "
that film , too , was a road movie and it shares the same kind of wry dialogue and humorous situations as mcpherson's tale : whimsical observations on life , carefully-crafted vignettes , deadpan conversational asides , and scenes that'll make you laugh out loud .
witness the episode in which our good-natured protagonists bind frank ( played by peter caffrey ) to a hotel bed , leaving him with only the tv remote for company .
that sequence alone is on a par with satan locking himself out of his car in " highway 61 . "
what's also charming about " i went down " is how the relationship between buddy and git develops .
their trip becomes an education for both of them , but the way it's handled is neither sappy nor labored .
the only thing in the film which approaches clunkiness is the culminating explanation , via flashbacks , of the relationship between frank and tom .
it's a little too hollywood , and what makes " i went down " so refreshing is the fact that it rarely panders to traditional conventions of hollywood gangster movies .
sure it's gritty--make that grubby--but it's also pretty goofy .
although " i went down " emphasizes the comedic elements of dis-organized crime , there are a couple of fairly brutal scenes in keeping with the subject matter .
don't let these deter you , though ; " i went down " is a little gem .
it's only playing at one philadelphia-area theater--and i suspect it won't be there for long--so catch it while you can .
| 1 | 1,591 |
capsule : john the baptist is sent from heaven to see is the world is worth saving .
he must find some sign of hope in the people of newfoundland .
this is little more than a tv skit in movie form .
it is watchable and apparently will be released to theaters in canada , but it is unlikely to be seen on the international market .
it is diverting but hardly a serious piece of cinema .
, 0 ( -4 to +4 ) minor spoilers in this review .
- written and directed by john w . doyle .
- john the baptist sent to st . john , newfoundland .
gets an invitation to live with a family .
that extraordinary hospitality for some reason does not count as a reason for hope .
- script has a lot of holes .
- friend who adopts john is surprisingly militant and is planning actions to destabilize wall street .
- john does look middle eastern , but somehow one expects john the baptist to be more dramatic .
- there is a conspiracy in the vatican riding on the result of the visit , though that result seems small compared to the end of the world .
- big yucks like seeing a nun give the pope a pedicure and evil pope's aid praying to a mendes goat .
- in large part a satire of life in newfoundland taking licks at things like the poor produce .
the one good tomato in grocery ( by virtue of a miracle ) " must have fallen off the truck to toronto . "
- based on a 20-minute short film .
| 0 | 332 |
>from the man who presented us with henry : the portrait of a serial killer ( 6 . 5/10 )
comes a wild tale set within the elite and white trash of florida's south coast .
plot : guidance counselor ( dillon ) is accused of raping one of his students .
she happens to be the daughter of one of the wealthiest women in florida .
the counselor is brought to court on the charges , as another white trash girl ( campbell ) , also joins the rape finger-pointing club .
as the story unfolds , we find that many things aren't exactly as they seem ( that's as much as i could say without ruining anything ) .
critique : good little flick that slows down at certain points , and runs a tad long , but generates enough twists and turns to keep most people interested throughout .
mind you , i could see many people not liking it because it takes " one too many " twists and turns , but hey , i happen to like that kind of thing .
and besides , the twists and turns in this movie managed to remain within the realm of believability ( or scathingly close to ) , and even " explained " many of its turns with a showcase of missed scenes during the credit crawl at the end of the film ( do not leave the theatre before you see the credits . . . it
really does clear up some stuff ! ! ) .
other than that , the acting was good , with campbell transforming her " good girl stereotypical " role into a pot-smoking , goth-looking white trash chick out for a good time .
denise richards ( from starship troopers ( 7/10 ) fame ) solidifies herself as hollywood's jelly-donut pinup girl of the moment , and proves that all breast implants needn't lead to lawsuits .
bacon is solid , and so is dillon ( while continuing to prove his inability to age to the whole wide wondering world ! ! ) .
sprinkle the story with a bunch o' shots of alligators peeking through the swamp waters , bacon showing the world the size of his ding-dong ( do we really need to see this ? ? ) , a couple of lesbian kissing scenes , and a menage-a-trois , and you've got yourself a decent time at the movie theatre .
on the down side , the soundtrack was not as prominent ( or slick ) as i thought it would be , and theresa russell ( real name : theresa paup ) seems to have lost her way in every which way possible . . . . ooooh ,
i almost forgot bill murray's exquisite role as the down-trodden lawyer who agrees to defend dillon in court .
murray actually added that extra little spice of humour that allowed this film to affirm its position as a quirky little noirish tale of sex , greed and mystery .
little known facts : neve campbell specified a non-nudity clause in her contract ( she's also born in guelph , ontario . . . go
hoser ! )
director john mcnaughton says he deleted a scene that would have shown matt dillon and kevin bacon showering together , as it was gratuitous .
kevin bacon plays in a band with his brother , called the bacon brothers , is married to actress kyra sedgwick , and has a game based on him called " six degrees of kevin bacon " .
| 1 | 1,539 |
the premise of wag the dog is so simple that it's adequately explained by the commercials .
with 11 days to go until the election , the president ( who we never see ) calls in political dirty-tricks artist robert deniro to distract attention from a burgeoning sex scandal .
deniro enlists hollywood producer dustin hoffman to produce a " pageant " , a phony war against albania , fought on the blue screens of hollywood and the recording studios of nashville , with woody harrelson as the reluctant , psychotic hero .
and if there wasn't anything more to the movie than this , it would be a second-rate heist comedy at best , enlivened by great actors -- like sneakers goes to washington .
( a heist comedy ?
yup .
deniro and hoffman are " stealing " the election , so to speak , and the movie is more about how they do it -- and the fun they have doing it -- than anything else . )
wag the dog succeeds because it's based one great truth : the american people are stupid .
ok , maybe it's not " love thy neighbor as thyself " or even " two plus two makes four " , but a truth nonetheless .
( any average person who thinks that they're really smart about the two things this movie satirizes -- moviemaking and the political process -- is invited , nay , challenged , to spend a week either watching a movie actually being made or 48 hours straight watching c-span when the house is in session . )
and because we're so utterly , predictably stupid , hollywood knows that a certain percentage of us will go see hard rain or magoo , washington knows that we won't notice a few million dollars spent here and there on porno art grants and cigar subsidies -- and deniro's character knows that american geography skills are so weak that we won't be able to locate albania on the map .
the beauty of wag the dog is that it isn't a light , meaningless comedy about politics ( like speechless , the michael keaton - geena davis picture ) or from the level of light-hearted politcal satire to near-greatness .
nor is it a hard-edged cynical look at the manner in which a morally-deprived , ethically challenged baby-boomer connives his sleazy way into the white house ( like primary colors -- and yes , i am a little disappointed in the way the last two elections turned out , thanks for asking ) .
instead , david mamet's script strikes that delicate balance between comedy and cynicism needed for satire .
it does this by keeping us in a fantasy world where most of the schemers' schemes come off beautifully , and fail only in entertaining and humorous fashion .
deniro is playing a variation on his al capone character from the untouchables , without any of the violent rages .
it's all : " what do i love ?
what is it that brings me joy ?
baseball , " minus the savage bloody beating with the bat .
he threatens a lot of people , mind you , but he's doing it in a very nice , polite way .
it's a very mellow , restrained performance , which fits in with the air of gamesmanship in the script .
hoffman , on the other hand , is giddy , exuberant and joyous .
this kind of thing is what his character lives for , and he's so excited that he can't even shut up .
even on the edge of disaster , he's bright-eyed ( behind oddly tinted sunglasses ) and positive .
insiders note that he's basing his character on some powerful-but-anonymous producer -- which may or may not be true , but hoffman still exudes the kind of lets-put-on-a-show electricity that you figure a producer needs to have .
the best part and the most frustrating part of wag the dog is in the supporting cast .
the characters are so well drawn and so well acted that we want to see more of them , listen to them talk in that wised-up mamet dialogue , get to know them better -- which we don't .
anne heche , is dead-bang-on in her portrayal of a political press aide -- cool and composed on the outside , panicked and frenzied on the outside .
denis leary ( one of my favorite actors -- see the ref ) is the " fad king " , who handles the profitable " back-end " -- t-shirt tie ins and shoe contracts and other creative , innovative ways to separate a fool from his money .
they could make a whole movie , just about the fad king , and i'd go see it .
willie nelson and merle haggard handle the musical end of things fabulously , from the upbeat gospel chorus theme song , to the weepy country waltz , to the hilarious " ballad of the green berets " parody .
woody harrelson has a brief , but memorable part as the overmedicated " hero " of the albanian conflict .
craig t . nelson , as the opposition candidate , and the ever-reliable william h . macy , as a wacky cia agent , are given surprisingly short shrift .
( one of my small gripes is that we never see what the spin doctors on the other side are doing . )
wag the dog is a funny movie about serious problems : the trivialization of american politics , the role of the press in dumbing down the issues , the impact of hollywood in creating campaign commercials , the reduction of all things political to soundbites and sidebars -- the list goes on .
we can solve most of these problems by taking a greater role in our national life and educating ourselves as voters and citizens .
wag the dog reminds us of what can happen if we don't .
| 1 | 1,785 |
if you want some hearty laughs , then rat race is the movie for you .
this unpretentious little comedy , which sneaks into theaters today with very little hype , will have you bouncing in your theater seat .
and while the film fits neatly into the low-brow , slapstick school of comedy , one refreshing aspect is its lack of mean-spiritedness .
the plot follows a group of people chosen at random by an eccentric las vegas casino owner ( john cleese ) who must race from vegas to a bus station locker 700 miles away in silver city , n . m .
inside the locker is a duffel bag containing $2 million .
the first one to open the locker , gets the bag and the money .
what the group of participants doesn't know is that cleese's donald sinclair ( " i can do anything i want - i'm eccentric ! " ) is staging the race as a betting game for a group of high rollers at the hotel .
the participants include vera ( whoopi goldberg ) and merrill ( lanai chapman ) , a newly reunited mother and daughter ; disgraced pro football referee owen templeton ( cuba gooding jr . ) ; italian tourist mr . pollini ( rowan atkinson ) ; randy pear ( jon lovitz ) and his family ; the bumbling con men duane and blaine cody ( seth green and vince vieluf ) ; and cynical young lawyer nick shaffer ( breckin meyer ) .
various amusing encounters and mishaps befall the participants en route to silver city .
screenwriter andy breckman adds a nice touch by not having the racers try to sabotage one another .
the most side-splitting situations involve vera and merrill's encounter with the squirrel lady , a nice nutsy cameo by kathy bates ; owen's commandeering a charter bus full of lucille ball look-alikes on their way to a lucy convention ; the cody brothers misadventures with a hot-air balloon , a flying cow and a monster truck ; and the pear family's stopover at a barbie museum , which turns out not to be what they think it is .
the pear family situation is a fine example of the way breckman's script builds the laughs .
without going into detail , this bit segues from the museum to hitler's touring car , to eva braun's dark lipstick , to lovitz burning his tongue , culminating at a ceremony honoring world war ii veterans .
rat race's cast is first rate .
cleese is wonderfully devilish and madcap ; lovitz is , at first , a bit whiny , but his character grows on you ; gooding is having a fine romp ; and dave thomas almost steals the show as cleese's deadpan assistant , a man " born without a personality . "
the film is directed by jerry zucker , who knows something about comedy .
along with his brother , david , and friend jim abrahams , he was responsible for such hits as airplane !
and ruthless people .
a throwaway subplot , which is good for some laughs , features cleese and his buddies , betting on a series of outlandish situations , including one dealing with a hooker and pepto-bismol .
this is a fun little feature .
the only letdown comes at the finale , which is too touchy-feely and sweet , almost negating what came before it .
rat race is a summer sleeper , but it will keep you awake , as will the laughter of those watching around you .
| 1 | 1,375 |
director andrew davis reworks his fugitive formula and the results are about as exciting as his last film-- the dreadful comedy steal big , steal little-- was funny .
keanu " i'd rather play music than play another action hero " reeves is the grad student on the run , who , along with his superfluous sidekick ( rachel weisz ) , has been framed for a sabotaged science experiment that vaporized eight chicago city blocks .
( the mushroom-cloud explosion is a knock-out and easily the best part of the movie .
or , as one audience member succinctly summed it up : " whoa . " )
false information implicates their involvement and boy and girl are soon on the run , fleeing over open drawbridges , across icy lakes , and through the corridors of power at a top-secret , underground energy facility .
aiding and abetting is the team's shady mentor , played in an excellent-but-so- what performance by morgan freeman .
( brit brian cox is also about , as the behind-the-scenes bad guy .
he has some fun fiddling with a southern accent . )
unfunny , overscored , and without a single shred of suspense , chain reaction is * the * summer movie to walk out on .
if you make it to the end , a mess of cross-cutting involving another imminent explosion , you'll hear somebody say " i guess it's time to go . "
heed that warning .
| 0 | 953 |
there was a lot riding on this movie .
everyone even moderately interested in the " scream " series was dying to know how it would end .
what would be the " final act " ?
this is the end of an era for them , a movie which has kept them up nights searching for clues on the internet , talking and tossing around rumors with their equally enthused buddies , and , for kids under 17 , those elaborate plots consisting of buying a ticket to one movie and hopping into " scream " while narrowly escaping those menacing ushers who are only a year or two older than themselves .
no need to worry ; " scream 3 " is endlessly inventive and entertaining , a fine epilogue to the series that made kevin williamson a household name , reinvented the horror genre , and continued in the self-referential , post-modern tradition of quentin and co .
so , how does the story go ?
as opposed to what some fanatical internet sites would have you believe , sidney prescott ( neve campbell ) , now all-grown-up and constantly dealing with her pass in the constantly tormented sector of her psyche , is not living in hollywood fulfilling her dream to become an actress , but rather in upstate california , living , understandably , alone in the confines of fences and vast security systems .
she works at home as a crisis center affiliate over the phone .
but that ? ? ? s not where the movie starts off .
instead , in a tactic that reminded me of the somewhat similar , and conceptually horrifying , sequence in " eye for an eye " ( 1995 ) , cotton weary ( liev schreiber ) , now a big star , drives home to his girlfriend in traffic when the killer calls , demands the location of sidney ? ? ? s home , and , when he doesn ? ? ? t get it , threatens the life of cotton ? ? ? s girlfriend christine , and cotton can ? ? ? t do anything to stop him .
the rest of the sequence is particularly clever , setting up a constant throughout the picture : the killer has a high-tech electronic voice-changer that tops that of the first two .
not only does he sound unmistakably like talented voice-over artist roger jackson ( ha , ha ) , he can now easily duplicate the voices of the lead characters , including sidney , and the returned gale weathers ( courtney cox arquette ) and dewey riley ( david arquette ) .
at the same time , stab 3 , the third film-within-a-film based around the characters and events of woodsboro and windsor college , has taken a less authentic approach this time around in return to woodsboro ; whereas the account of the first two films was true , the franchise within " scream " has now become totally fictional .
nevertheless , we learn , cotton made an appearance in the movie which is now in production , as himself to be killed off in the first scene .
so , it seems that the real killer is offing our heroes in the order in which they bite it in the movie ? ? 'either the actor portraying them , or the real thing .
sometimes both .
clever , indeed .
but , who goes next ?
no one knows .
three different scripts were penned , we ? ? ? re told , to keep the true finale off the internet ( a nod to the " scream " 2 fiasco a few years back ) and no one knows for sure which one the killer read .
still , all the while sidney stays concealed in her home , only visiting dad for the first half-hour of the film , while also having horrifying visions of her mother , which takes us back a bit to sidney ? ? ? s fear of becoming what her mother was ? ? 'or , at least , what her mother was secretly .
when sidney finally ventures out to hollywood as the murders become more prevalent , she ? ? ? s chased onto the set of stab 3 , wandering through " woodsboro , " written and directed as an odd , surreal , nightmare indeed , this is one of " scream 3 " ? ? ? s finest moments .
okay , over the years , i ? ? ? ll admit that i ? ? ? ve become quite the " scream " fan .
no , i don ? ? ? t have the ghostface costume or the director ? ? ? s cut laserdisc , but i often find myself compelled to pop in the dvd of either member of the preceding duo , and can get quite caught up in the dramatic element of these films ( yes , i said " dramatic element " ) , sometimes debating with family and friends the possibilities and endless theories that have become quintessentially affiliated with " scream " .
throughout the film , though , i noticed a much more subtle approach than the other two films .
granted that there ? ? ? s stabbin-a-plenty going on throughout , but there ? ? ? s considerably less blood , less gore .
honestly , i like this approach .
it ? ? ? s more classical , more rebellious , constantly demonstrating the capable direction of wes craven .
he knows when to hold back and at the same time makes the movie ooze with energy , illustrating the delicate poise flowing from his years of experience .
some critics have noted that " scream 3 " seems to take itself more seriously this time ; maybe so , or maybe screenwriter ehren kruger ( arlington road ) , who took over after williamson had scheduling conflicts , saw an opportunity for true irony ? ? 'maybe even a little bit of satire ? ? 'if the film worked in a few more clich ? ? s .
what puts a damper on this otherwise exceptional and creative film , i ? ? ? m afraid , is the ending , or , rather , the identity of the killer .
it does the job , i guess , accomplishes what it should , bringing the three films full circle , but upon my first viewing it seemed rather dissatisfying because it appears a little too contrived , too arbitrary ; after a second viewing , which i endeavored upon due to this recurring disapprobation , the killer ? ? ? s identity still seems a little too random , but his motivation came across more sound this time around , and the eventual conclusion was ultimately more satisfying .
all in all , " scream 3 " does not fall victim to the most lamented principle of a trilogy : it is not the worst of the films .
as a trilogy , " scream " was a lot of fun ; refreshing , humorous , offbeat .
almost sad to see it go .
but then , it does seem best to quit while you ? ? ? re ahead , and " scream 3 " does a fine job of providing closure to its characters .
for now , " scream " holds the title as the finest series of horror films to be committed to celluloid .
not too shabby .
| 1 | 1,202 |
" . . . because i'm a scientist .
that's what we do ! "
--- dr . alexander mccabe ( bob gunton ) , in response to why he created evil bats .
alright folks , stop me if you've heard this one : genetically altered animals wreak havoc on a town and a small band of locals , assisted by a specialist in the particular animal's field , must team up to stop the mutant creatures before they can multiply and spread across the earth .
oh yeah , the military is on their way to bomb the town as well , so they are running short on time .
sound familiar ?
such is the plot of the destination films release of bats .
dina meyer stars as the " bat specialist " sheila , who is pulled from her research ( along with her annoying sidekick , played with irritating deftness by leon ) in order to help a small texas town figure out why some local citizens and animals have been chewed to death recently .
with the help of the local sheriff ( lou diamond phillips ) , a cdc official ( carlos jacott ) , and a scientist ( bob gunton ) , sheila discovers it is indeed bats ( who have been genetically altered by gunton's character to be more aggressive and omnivorous , in order to be used as a military weapon ! ) .
i have to say here that i knew exactly what i was getting into going into this film .
there's not a frame of promotional footage i have seen for the film that would have led me to believe it was going to be any good .
in this respect , the film never disappointed me .
this film reaches a level that transcends the " so bad it's good " level and borders on the downright insane .
the effects are awful , the script is contrived , and for most of the feature i was laughing at things that were supposed to be taken seriously ( i think ) .
i challenge anyone to sit through the scene , where a bat stalks a baby in a crib while another bat terrorizes a patron eating at a diner , with a straight face .
thankfully , the performances are as good as they can be considering the material the actors had to perform with .
dina meyer has always been the highlight of any of the films she has been in ( johnny mnemonic , dragonheart , and starship troopers . . .
the latter being the only film out of that batch with any actual merit ) , and this one is no exception .
while one never really gets the impression that meyer's character could be a bat expert in reality , one never really cares to doubt it either .
she gives as good a performance as could be expected , plus she's nice to look at for an hour and a half .
lou diamond phillips is also serviceable here , as the small town sheriff turned eventual hero .
although when we first meet his character he knows bats are the reason for what's going on in town , for some reason later on he suddenly becomes amazed to learn that the actual cause of the deaths in town are because of bats .
the only bad performance in the film is that of leon's .
he is relegated to the " i'm not sticking around here ! "
character and proceeds to repeat variations of that line for the majority of the film even though he stays .
anyone who can't immediately tell that bob gunton ( the bad guy in patch adams and countless other films ) is going to eventually turn on the gang and side with his creations before his eminent death will probably be surprised , but i highly doubt it .
even if he hadn't been the villain in just about every film he's ever been in , so many obvious hints are given to indicate the devious act that it holds no shock whatsoever .
in fact , his death is welcome , because it finally starts moving the plot towards the finale .
if the plot doesn't sound ridiculous to you yet , then check out these little tidbits : a multitude of bats inexplicably disperses when a police officer cocks his pistol .
an entire town disregards the sheriff and doctor's orders to stay indoors after a curfew is instigated , causing mass hysteria when the bats come out in full force , killing several townsfolk .
a government official blows off shelia's instructions ( to wait until dawn to install a cooling unit in the bats' cave that will kill all of them off ) by pulling a night job , resulting in the death of an entire military unit .
a cavern full of bat feces never ignites when a phosphorus flare is lit right in the middle of it .
finally , to top it all off , this little texas town is showing nosferatu in it's single screen theater ( for reference , our town has over a million people in it with nearly 150 movie screens , and we're lucky to even get kevin smith's dogma ) .
the most laughable part of the movie though comes from the ill-conceived bat puppets .
while the actual bat attack scenes are shot with rapid fire editing ( making the scenes nearly impossible to comprehend what's going on ) , the scenes where a bat is called upon to interact with a live actor are usually shot more low-key .
therefore we the audience get loving close-ups of the most unrealistic , rubbery bat puppets ever committed to film .
being able to see the puppeteer's arms would be the only things that could have made these creations worse .
after all of this , if you still decide bats might be the movie for you , don't say you haven't been warned .
trust me when i say that it's a lot more fun to trash than it is to sit through .
i just wish that dina meyer would be cast in more roles or at least choose better films to appear in .
she's definitely a talent that is going to waste in films like these .
| 0 | 696 |
michael richards leaves his spot as kramer on the infamous seinfeld tv sitcom for a stint as a lanky , goofy best friend to jeff daniels' lawyer character in this ill-fated , and unfunny , " comedy " .
plot : richard the actor ( richards ) has to take the place of charles the lawyer ( daniels ) in a real court case , after charles is left unintelligible from a night of heavy drinking at his bachelor party .
the film follows the antics of the two men as they try to get away with their tomfoolery .
critique : this movie did not make me laugh once .
perhaps it was because i was tired when i watched it .
perhaps .
perhaps it was because i had seen richards perform most of the same schtick a thousand times on seinfeld .
perhaps .
perhaps it was because the movie just wasn't funny .
absolutely .
the lack of humour wasn't the only issue that i had with this film either .
the movie attempts to weave a couple of love stories through its vision , but unfortunately , they are also lacking in conviction , believability and credibility .
they are contrived and appear to be placed into the story for convenience sake .
the actors were all adequate enough in their roles , but the problem didn't lie in the acting .
i wish i could find one good reason for you to see this waste of time , but i can't .
unless of course , you need something playing on your tv set while you waste some time around the house .
overall , this movie stinks .
on the good side , charlize theron is darn cute , and the movie is no longer then 90 minutes .
on the bad side , this movie is not funny , interesting or enjoyable in any which way possible .
a person wouldn't even enjoy his nachos while watching this emptiness .
please skip it .
little known facts : jonathan lynn earned a degree in law from cambridge before becoming an actor/director .
charlize theron grew up on a farm outside benoni , south africa , as the only child .
at the age of 18 her mother made her go to los angeles to try a career in the movie industry .
she came to la without knowing anyone in the city but after two weeks when she was standing in line on hollywood boulevard an agent gave her his card .
after eight months in la she got her first part .
since then she has taken acting lessons and her career has skyrocketed , specifically in devil's advocate ( 8/10 ) .
charlize was narrowly beat out by elizabeth berkley for the lead role in the " movie " , showgirls .
she was quoted as saying " it was like i had some guardian angel . "
| 0 | 440 |
synopsis : rumored to be about a true person , the story of mulan has circulated in oral tradition for over a thousand years , and has inspired operas , literature , and even coinage .
( since 1984 , china has been issuing annual gold and silver coin sets commemorating famous historical figures ; the 1992 set includes mulan . )
in the ballad of mulan ( written in the 5th or 6th century ) , an imperial edict by the khan ( emperor ) orders men from each family to be drafted into the army to defend china .
a girl's parents hear sighing , and think that their daughter mulan ( the name means magnolia ) is dreaming of boys , but actually she's dreading what horrors might befall her old infirm father if he were to be drafted off to battle .
mulan bravely runs away , masquerading as a boy , to serve in the army instead of her father .
ten thousand miles and twelve years of brutal war later , the army finally returns in triumph .
the emperor wants to reward mulan's valor with a prestigious position in government , but she declines , accepts a horse , and returns home quietly to don her true clothes .
mulan's old army buddies visit and get the shock of their lives when they find out that mulan is actually a woman .
the disney animated feature mulan is similar to the ballad story , only it adds a modern character for comic relief : mushu the dragon ( eddie murphy ) .
in disney's mulan , when a fierce army of invading huns threatens to overrun peaceful china the emperor orders one man from each family to be conscripted into the army .
old mr . fa ( soon-tek oh ) is handicapped and has no son ; he has only his spirited young daughter mulan ( ming-na wen ) .
fearing for her father's life , the courageous mulan secretly cuts her hair , disguises herself as a man , and sneaks off to serve in the army in her father's stead .
meanwhile mushu , the disgraced and demoted guardian dragon of the fa family , has been reduced to the size of a squirrel and the status of incense burner .
( his only duty is to ring a gong . )
mushu hits upon a plan to redeem himself and regain his guardian status by helping the disguised mulan to become a macho male warrior hero .
with the help of mushu , a horse , and a lucky cricket , can army recruit mulan save china and bring honor to the fa family ?
opinion : east meets west .
i know a chef in santa fe that does this sort of magic ; he combines asian culinary influences from the west coast with latin american from down south and european from the atlantic to concoct new creations that hit just the right combination of flavors .
from their state of the art animation studio in orlando , disney is hoping to work the same kind of east/west magic with mulan .
i mean , what would you say if i told you that a new movie featured tang dynasty art , with donny osmond singing , ming-na wen acting , and eddie murphy playing a chinese dragon that makes pop references to batman and the reverend jessie jackson ?
yet this is the case in the disney's re-interpretation of the familiar chinese classic .
the end result is spectacular ; mulan is one of disney's best movies ever .
personally , i'm also glad to see the detestable american stereotype of the weak-willed subservient asian woman take a beating : mulan is portrayed as a normal , if spirited , compassionate gal capable of taking the initiative .
mulan is more than just eastern graphics and faces combined with westernized pop and disney .
kids of any age will like the family themes , and will understand the good guys versus bad guys thing .
and adolescent and preteen girls can appreciate the romance factor , while the boys admire the battles .
and adults can admire those male/female nuances as well as the interplay between traditional notions of family , honor , and duty with industrial age notions of romantic love , gumption , and questioning .
but even the tiniest details reveal quality .
the movie's art supervisors spent three weeks in china researching the right look : negative spaces , positive detail , period clothing , and graphic designs typical of the time and place .
computers were used for crowd scenes of up to 30 , 000 people , and a special program called 'attila' was used for a spectacular sequence involving 2000 attacking huns on horseback .
and singers osmond and salonga are at the top of their game .
balance is crucial .
a movie about a chuckling lone dragon played by eddie murphy might not be disney's cup of tea , but if you use the character as a comic sidekick to balance a determined and spirited heroine , then , pow !
the dream team .
by the same token , a tale about a girl in the army might be a sober exercise in filial piety by itself , but toss the dragon in there and you've got enough wahoo individualism for a light hearted disney romp .
it's rare that a movie can seamlessly combine elements from both east and west , old and young , male and female into a cohesive and entertaining whole , but mulan hits the universal bullseye .
it's movie for any age , creed , gender , or color .
| 1 | 1,461 |
in october of 1962 the united states found itself on the brink of nuclear holocaust when u2 spy plane fly-overs of cuba revealed that the soviet union was actively deploying and installing medium range ballistic missiles 90 miles from the us .
president john kennedy ( bruce greenwood ) and his staff must face this major threat to world peace and stop soviet expansionism in director roger donaldson's dramatic recreation of the most dangerous crisis in american history in " thirteen days . "
one of the highlights to come out of made-for-tv movies was a 1974 entry called " missiles of october " that also recreated the historic event that almost embroiled the us , ussr and the world in an all out nuclear showdown .
that teleplay , starring william devane and martin sheen as john and bobby , showed the political tensions of the period that brought to the fore the danger the world faced in those two weeks in 1962 .
now , a quarter of a century after the landmark tv movie , director roger donaldson and producer kevin costner team together again ( the last time was for the taught spy thriller " no way out " ) to re-enact the events of that most dangerous time in america's and the world's history .
taken from the viewpoint of special assistant to the president kenneth p . o'donnell ( costner ) , donaldson and crew recreate that volatile event , once again , as the country is plunged into what could have been total nuclear war .
as o'donnell gets ready to head to work one october morning , he deals with the usual family crises and problems .
meanwhile , a u2 spy plane photo mission over cuba has produced some startling images - medium range nuclear missiles in the first stage of deployment .
suddenly , ken's routine day switches into crisis mode as the president and his key advisor bobby begin to muster the considerable forces of the us military to face the soviet threat .
where " thirteen days " differs most from " missiles of october " is , as expected , in the scope of the project .
there is a big difference , budget-wise , between making a television docudrama and one that goes to the big screen .
it shows as the makers of " thirteen days " craft a recreation of the cuban missile crisis that encompasses not only the political intrigue within the white house , it also depicts the events that took place as america girds itself for nuclear confrontation .
the cast , a true ensemble , is led , surprisingly , by bruce greenwood as jfk and not by kevin costner .
costner's o'donnell represents the family guy thing as the drama of the crisis has its impact on him and his family .
this puts a personal spin on the film as we see both the crisis and america's preparation for war and the pressure it brings to bear on those in the know .
kenny reassures his wife and kids that all will be okay and they will be safe , but he knows that , if the crisis comes to a head , his family will be no more .
the meat of " thirteen days " is in the big picture , not the microcosm of family , though .
this is where the film stands out as we see the workings of our government on the highest levels .
the story does not just cover the face-off between the world's two most powerful countries ; it also depicts the animosity between the president and the military/cia .
the disaster of the bay of pigs invasion the year before left a distrustful taste in the mouths of the generals and admirals who blame the kennedys for not backing the cuban expatriates fighting fidel castro .
the missile crisis becomes a struggle for power as the army/navy/air force want to flex their might and invade cuba , while jfk wants to end the confrontation peaceably but with america's dignity and world leadership intact .
while the internal battle for power rages in the white house , with air force chief curtis lemay ( kevin conway ) advising the president to bomb cuba into the stone age , our armed forces are set into motion to stop the soviets with a blockade of offensive weapons to cuba .
this is where the political intrigues of high office are replaced by exciting action .
when the first confrontation takes place between a us warship and a soviet freighter , the tension is palpable .
the most involving action sequence takes place late in the game as another u2 is sent up to shoot some snaps of the buildup and the fully prepared soviet forces launch an anti-aircraft attack on the hapless pilot of the spy plane .
this is a sweaty palm sequence to say the least , making you squirm in your seat as you try to help the pilot avoid those missiles .
the ensemble cast places greenwood as the first among equals with like weight given to all the principle players .
greenwood does not play act at being a caricature of jfk , foregoing the typical kennedy boston accent .
instead , he plays the man as a powerful figure who has to maintain the dignity of the office , directing his subordinates but giving them the latitude to make clear all of his options .
kennedy used this decision by committee method to good effect as his senior staff uncovers all the options available to the president .
costner , as ken o'donnell , is really a supporting cast member as a kennedy crony brought on board as a personal political favor .
costner plays o'donnell as if he crammed on old jfk speeches with a forced kennedyesque twang to his speech .
the rest of the players are first rate from start to finish with steven culp looking and sounding just like robert kennedy .
the rest of the familiar players in this drama are uniformly well cast , too .
standing out are michael fairman as the beleaguered us ambassador to the un , adlai stevenson , who was forced to become the challenging voice of the united states in the united nations and i remember the confrontation vividly .
the filmmakers capture the accusations laid down by stevenson with accuracy , using old style video footage to good effect .
dylan baker has the look and feel of the intelligentsia as the brainy secretary of defense robert mcnamara .
kevin conway gives his general lemay the right " bomb them to hell " attitude .
also notable is christopher lawford as navy pilot william ecker who , with his wingman , takes on the dangerous mission of a low-level photo recon into the heart of cuba , bravely challenging kenny o'donnell's admonition , " don' get shot . "
tech credits are superb across the board with an admirable depiction of the us armed forces being placed on a war footing .
it's an impressive production with the careful use of period aircraft and ships that gives the film a veracity fitting the event .
solid costuming by isis mussenden is subtle but has the look of the kennedys .
there is the usual array of vintage cars from the period to make things look right .
the special f/x of the u2 sequences are a nice crafting of computer imaging .
the cuban missile crisis is probably the most intense two weeks that the united states has ever faced in its survival as a world leader .
helmer donaldson and his fine crew and cast have given the depiction of this crucial event with the care and attention to details that make this one of the finest docudramas of the year .
i give " thirteen days " an a- .
| 1 | 1,814 |
plot : a young french boy sees his parents killed before his eyes by tim roth , oops . . . i
mean , an evil man .
he vows revenge on that man and is taught the ways of the musketeer by some old dude who used to be one himself ?
anyway , fourteen years go by and . . . arrgh , well , you know the rest . . . swish-swish-zzzzzzz !
critique : this is a pretty bad movie .
let's see , where should i start ?
okay , first of all , the story is just plain boring .
it's not original , is entirely predictable and lacks energy .
okay , what's next ?
acting , you say .
hmmmm , well , the main actor , justin chambers , is basically an uncharismatic version of chris o'donnell but with less range ( think about that ! ) , and mena suvari , is just plain off .
not as bad as thora birch was in dungeons & dragons , but entirely miscast , with bad deliveries , awful sequences and a piss-poor accent that comes and goes .
now i'm not sure if this was ms . suvari's fault or the director's , but i've definitely seen her at a much higher level than in this film .
the only semi-saving grace actor-wise is tim roth as the irrepressible " bad guy " , but once again , it's not something that we haven't seen before . . . a
thousand times . . . by the same guy ! !
tim , please . . . for the love of god , beg your agent to ask the marketplace for some modern day " american roles " for you as a " nice guy " in a romantic comedy or something .
stretch , dude . . . stretch ! !
we all know that you can do much better than this gunk .
alright , what else was bad in this film ?
oh yeah , the score !
yikes , how's about taking it down a few notches there , fellas ?
this thing blares in your ear whenever it feels the need to accentuate a certain scene , but actually does little more than annoy .
i think it's important for the man behind the music to recognize that this film isn't a " real epic " by any stretch of the imagination .
it's a fluffy rehashed cake-walk created by some " shrewd " studio heads who decided to take advantage of the whole " kung-fu " phenomenon in films , and test it out on an old classic .
dudes . . . you
failed all around !
( keep reading )
the editing is also pretty shoddy in this movie , the dialogue banal and stilted and the plot problems . . . plentiful !
( why does the guy on top of the horse carriage just stand there when his opponent takes forever scampering his way back to the top ?
why don't they just cut the mouseketeer's rope at the top of the tower , instead of jumping down on their own chords and fighting him while hanging ?
why doesn't anybody look a day older , when the sequence says " 14 years later " ?
( at least . . . change
your shirt , man ! )
keep in mind that i have never strayed away from championing certain movies that are created simply for the sake of a " fun time " , but this flick just didn't cut it for me .
it was boring for stretches , the acting was atrocious at times ( the " romantic " scene between suvari and chambers next to the lake reminded me of plays in high school which made you cringe ) , there was little reason to care for anyone and since when were the musketeers fat ?
i will give the movie this much , and that is that its main reason for being ( its " raison-d'etre " , as the french would say ) , its fight sequences , do come through despite the lack of their numbers in the film .
i was hoping that the movie would be packed with cool stuntwork as promoted in its trailer , but what you see there , are essentially the snippets from the two major ( and cool ) swashbuckling sequences from the film .
the first comes right at the beginning of the movie , while the other essentially finishes the film off , hanging from the tower and juggling off ladders .
the ladder sequence itself is a definite keeper but unfortunately the rest of the movie is just regurgitated crap .
and can anyone please tell me how catherine deneuve got her name placed at the top of this film's credits ?
hullo ?
the film is called the musketeer and stars a dude name justin chambers .
deneuve is barely in this movie !
ugh , just another small thing that annoyed me about this trash .
now say it together , gang : " all for one , and one for all . . . we
vow to stay away from it all ! ! "
thank me later .
where's joblo coming from ?
a knight's tale ( 7/10 ) - american outlaws ( 5/10 ) - crouching tiger , hidden dragon ( 7/10 ) - the matrix ( 8/10 ) - the replacement killers ( 6/10 ) - romeo must die ( 3/10 ) - shanghai noon ( 6/10 )
| 0 | 282 |
" we are grateful that we have the songs of grace chan to comfort us . "
starring lee kang-sheng , yang kuei-mei directed by tsai ming-liang written by tsai and yang ping-ying cinematography by liao peng-jung
taiwan , 24/12/99 .
the millenium approaches .
an incessant downpour batters an unnamed city .
sectors of the city are being sealed , quarantined due to the onset of a mysterious virus .
the virus causes people to act like insects : they crawl about on all fours , hide from bright lights , huddle in damp corners .
the water supply to the quarantined zones will be cut off in a week's time .
residents are advised to evacuate the area , asap .
this premise--kafka by way of cronenberg--is the background for the hole , which could have been a great movie , but , sadly , ends up as a waste of good ideas .
the quick sketch above suggests a dark , absurd , hallucinatory near-future parable of life in the late 20th century ; in execution , however , it is nothing like that .
the virus , the evacuation , the visual possiblities of the deluge : these are all relegated to the background .
instead , the hole focuses on the lives--for want of a better word--of a man ( lee kang-sheng ) and a woman ( yang kuei-mei ) who live in the same apartment building , and who have no personalities .
the entire movie taks place in settings that are uniformly ugly and sterile : the charmless rooms and corridors of a post-industrial apartment complex , photographed to look as dim and dingy as possible .
it's a vivid setting , but an unappealing one , especially with the monotonous hiss of falling rain and the gurgle of drainage pipes in the background .
the man lives in the apartment directly above the woman's .
one day , a repairman investigating a leak leaves a small hole in the floor of the man's living room , opening into the ceiling of the woman's living room .
this hole--symbol of the solitary opening in the character's lonely , compartmented lives--allows them to interact in unusual ( and mostly non-verbal ) ways .
example : the man , suffering from the onset of the virus ( or so i assume--everything is obscure in this movie ) vomits through the hole .
the woman , wandering around in the dark , accidentally puts her hand on his vomit , and then cleans it up .
this is what passes for meaningful communication .
and they say romance is dead .
much of the film does not even focus on their interactions , such as they are .
there is almost no dialogue and we learn next to nothing about these people .
they are ciphers .
instead , we are treated to long takes in which we witness their miserable lives ; we watch , for instance , as the woman boils some water , pours it onto some noodles , then eats the noodles .
( this is as fascinating as it sounds . )
offered as counterpoint--or perhaps relief--to these dreary sequences are a series of musical numbers , fantasies in which the woman lip-synchs to pop songs by grace chan ( popular , so i'm told , in 1950s' china ) .
she prances around in grimy hallways and grungy stairwells , incronguously lit by cheerfully bright spotlights .
sometimes , in these fantasies , she is joined by the man .
these scenes are presumably intended to be bright and fanciful , sharply contrasting the dreariness of reality , but they fail .
when the man and the woman dance , it seems half-hearted and listless .
astaire and rogers this is not .
even in imagination , these people are numb , weary , boring .
the hole is part of the 'collection 2000' series , a group of films commissioned by french tv station la sept arte on the subject of the millenium .
others include canada's last night , brazil's midnight , and american hal hartley's the book of life .
the book of life is the only other one that i have seen , and it is infinitely superior to the taiwanese entry .
witty , energetic , humane , it makes the the hole seem ( ahem ) empty .
american movies with nothing to say try to disguise their lack of content with flashy movements , quick cuts , superficial emotions .
foreign movies with nothing to say do what the hole does : they point the camera at something of minimal interest for unbelievably long periods of time , and call it art .
the hole is self-evidently a film about alienation , and perhaps director tsai ming-liang wants the audience to share in his characters' alienation .
if so , he succeeds .
perhaps it is a challenge : he dares us to enjoy this movie , despite his best attempts to ensure that we don't .
if it was a challenge , i wasn't up for it .
| 0 | 219 |
a lot of times a three-star film will be my favorite .
they're usually the kind of movie i can watch most often too .
they're usually not too deep , allowing for semi-brainless relaxation , and at the same time , not too dumb .
men in black is a four-star three-star film .
( hope you could follow that one )
men in black doesn't wait to get to the fun .
just minutes into the film we are introduced to agent kay ( tommy lee jones ) , introduced to an alien , and introduced to the the awesome memory-diminishing tool that all mib agents use .
after all , you can't have alien witnesses running around with that kind of knowledge can you ?
men in black is , of course , the organization which " moniters all extra-terrestrial activity on earth " .
nypd officer james edwards ( will smith ) , is on a routine foot chase when suddenly the no-good punk he's chasing starts leaping up buildings and blinking more than one pair of eyes .
the alien delivers the simple message that the world is going to end , and with that , dives off of a roof .
naturally nobody believes his story .
.
.
nobody that is , except for the top secret organization that not even the government is aware of .
edwards then meets agent kay , the man who never seems to crack a smile , and is introduced to the mib .
edwards winds up joining the team and is stripped of anything that can point back to him ( birth certificate , drivers license , and even the literal removal of his fingerprints ) .
james edwards no longer exists .
meet agent jay .
agent kay takes the rookie jay under his wing as they go about " regular " duties .
eventually a far more treacherous event comes into play .
a " bug " has landed on earth and is going to wipe out mankind if these two don't ( or can't ) stop it .
the plot isn't exactly clear , but we know it has to do with a galaxy as big as a jewel or marble being sought after on earth , and that is crucial that the mib find it before the " bug " does .
barry sonnenfeld , who also did the addams family films , directs this nicely .
it's fun , it's funny , it's action-packed .
a nice summer blockbuster as it rightfully turned out to be .
this is one of those movies that is just " fun " and can't really be summed up any nicer or clearer .
will smith and tommy lee jones both do great jobs and both are a blast to watch .
definitely one of the best films of the the summer of '97 , men in black comes highly recommeded from me !
| 1 | 1,913 |
i'm not sure who the genius is who came up with the idea of comparing " disturbing behavior " with " scream . "
maybe it's because they're both horror films ( kinda ) , both have hot young stars , both have an annoying alternative soundtrack , and both are aimed at the teenage crowd , which i guess includes me .
but this is not the next in line with the " scream " flicks as well as the " i know what you did last summer " soon to be flicks .
it owes less to " halloween " and more to kafka and orwell , which , in my book , makes for a more interesting feature .
and it should have been .
this is basically a rehash of " the stepford wives , " the great 70s film i never saw starring katherine ross and dealing , as i've been told , with a bunch of women who are programmed to be perfect housewives .
or something like that .
" behavior , " starring katie holmes of " dawson's creek , " deals with a bunch of teenagers , deep in angst , who are being programmed to be perfect teenagers .
suck-ups .
preppies .
it actually , at least to me , sounds like it would work , and with scott rosenberg , that witty penmen who has written stuff like " beautiful girls " and " things to do in denver when you're dead " ( as well as " con air " ) , it actually sounds like it may be pulled off with the right amount of frights and satiric wit .
alas , it's not , and it plumets into that little group of movies known as " the movies with potential that blow it . "
i remember a film called " white man's burden " which dealt with a reversal of blacks and whites in society that did nothing with it's potentially brilliant premise .
here's another one .
it could be a brilliant satire on how teenagers need to go through teen angst in order to find themselves .
it's a stage , and this film does in fact realize that .
it gets its message across and it does it effortlessly .
now it just needs to work as a film .
which it doesn't .
it's too sloppy and too contrived .
it paints a bleak portrait of high school life . . . then
lets it lie .
it brings us a bunch of scary monsters who are all a bunch of disgustingly icky kiss-ups who do food drives and hang out at a 50s diner drinking milk shakes . . . then
gives it a cheap twist : when they get horny , they become homicidal .
isn't it scary enough that they're like this , and can't the real terror in the town be that you could be next to be just like them - not that you could be next to die ?
the film introduces us two three different characters who , in the beginning , are considered outsiders because they're not ( yet ) part of this clique : the new kid , steve ( james marsden - dull dull dull dull ) , who's having trouble at home because he hasn't gotten over his brother's ( ethan embry , in quick flashes so you don't recognize him - i did ) suicide ; the renegade girl , rachel ( katie holmes , from " dawson's creek " ) , who's chief personality trait is her prominent nose ring ; and by far the most interesting kid , gavin ( nick stahl , the kid from " the man without a face " ) , who's the most interesting because he's the only character who's given some dimension .
in the film's best scene , he introduces steve to every single clique , nailing each one's fetishes and hang-ups , and it's the best scene in the movie because it's witty , satirical , and interesting - something the rest of this film isn't .
gavin suspects there's something awry with the preppie kids , known as the blue ribbons , and in the tradition of all conspirators , and even when he actually shows hard pure evidence to steve , he's only treated as a typical raving conspiracy buff .
here , we have another case of " the idiot plot , " where not only could steve had done something about gavin and what happens to him , but he may have saved this film from being the dreary , dull film that it is without gavin , who gives it life and humor .
the only other half-interesting character is the school janitor , played by william sadler as a retarded , scary guy who may not be what he seems to be . . . but
really , we don't care anyway .
i probably shouldn't mention that this was directed by david nutter , who's works for " the x-files , " because that would probably tarnish his reputation .
like the show , he's good at setting up weird conspiracies , and creating a general creepy feel .
most of this film is shot at night and with dark eerie shadows for the maximum creepy effect , and some of it works .
but what this film is not so good at is coming out with a good payoff .
he keeps too much inside , so much that when the characters journey to a mental institution in the third act , you wonder why they just don't get the hell out of there .
i think what happens to gavin is proof enough that there's something rotten in the state of teen angstdom .
what this film needs to be is a lot longer , a lot more colorful , and a lot creepier .
if the best villain they can come up with is a guidance counselor ( played by bruce greenwood , an atom egoyan regular obviously just trying to pay the rent ) who still thinks he can get away with it even when most is revealed , then they need to come up with a tougher , smarter villain .
if he's so villainous , then why could two dense teenagers who couldn't figure out there was something going on until it was way too late find information on him in a couple minutes ?
the film , which runs about 80 or so minutes , just needs to work on these things , and become a lot less sloppy .
at such a short running time and with such lame , boring characters as these , it's pretty much obvious that leaving this film leaves a horribly unsatisfied taste in one's mouth , especially mine .
| 0 | 18 |
tarzan chad'z = good ) 1999 , g , 90 minutes [1 hour , 30 minutes] [animated - adventure/drama] starring the voices of : tony goldwyn ( tarzan ) , minnie driver ( jane porter ) , lance henriksen ( kerchak ) , brian blessed ( clayton ) ; written by tab murphy , bob tzudiker , noni white ; produced by bonnie arnold ; directed by chris buck , kevin lima ; based on the story `tarzan of the apes' and characters created by edgar rice burroughs .
seen july 4 , 1999 at 7 : 15 p . m . at crossgates cinemas 18 ( guilderland , ny ) , theater #9 , by myself for free using my hoyts season pass .
[theater rating : * * * 1/2 : very good sound , picture and seats]
title : `tarzan' beautiful to look at , easy to follow .
review : disney continues its trend of producing animated summer blockbuster movies meant mostly for children but with enough wit and charm for adults to be interested and at least entertained by the story .
the basic premise is the same as every other `tarzan' story : a boy is raised in the african jungle by gorillas and becomes one himself never really understanding ( or even noticing ) that he's human and is a lot different from the animals he befriends .
the first third of the film shows how tarzan comes to be adopted by kala ( voiced by glen close ) , a female gorilla who lost her own child in a classic case of darwanism .
her mate , kerchak ( henriksen ) , is a mean , conservative leader of the pack of gorillas who make up tarzan's extended family .
he refuses to acknowledge tarzan ( voiced by alex d . linz during the childhood scenes ) as a son and often has to hold himself back from killing tarzan after he continually does dangerous , wild things that are the result of his own childish instincts .
i have a feeling children will quickly be able to identify with tarzan since all he really is is just a kid who wants to have fun and it's funny how the adults fail to comprehend this .
later , as the story transitions from tarzan as a child to a full-grown man ( voiced by goldwyn ) , he is encounter by a party of three humans from england : jane porter ( driver ) , a beautiful woman who is something of a zoologist and an artist , her father prof . archimedes q . porter ( voiced by nigel hawthorne ) who is also a scientist ; and their slick and cunning , yet barbaric safari bodyguard clayton ( blessed ) .
it's easy to tell where the story is going at all times but the screenplay doesn't seem like it was written hastily nor dumbed down for children's enjoyment .
sure there's a lot of cliche stuff here , like clayton's smugness and diabolical manipulation of tarzan and jane ; the goofy supporting characters ( voiced by rosie o'donnell [in full brooklyn accent ! ] and wayne knight - `hello newman ! ' ) .
there's also a lot of fun action such as tarzan's swinging through the jungle on vines and sliding down and around tree branches and trunks .
it's just like skateboarding really fast and doing all sorts of tricks ( those mcdonald's commercials really prove this point ) .
ultimately , you get exactly out of `tarzan' what you expect . . .
and i mean that as a compliment , so have high expectations .
pros : animation and sound are a feast for the senses , story is lighthearted , breezy and not dumbed-down , no stupid sing-along songs to get stuck in your head .
cons : surprisingly violent , should have been rated pg .
young children may not understand some of the more adult themes ( parents , be ready to have some heavy questions thrown your way ) .
running time is a bit short .
would you recommend this to friends ?
not to my friends , but to the movie-going public i would .
score : or with no 0 rating ) .
| 1 | 1,817 |
when i first heard that disney's next animated feature was going to be tarzan , i was almost horrified .
i was worried that disney was going to make another hercules ( sorry , jerk-ules ) .
that effort was too overloaded with comedy ( and the hero was too boastful and pompous to be considered a sympathetic hero ) , and , after viewing it to this day , i find it a disgrace for disney animation .
when i saw the trailers , i was thinking " hmm . . .
this isn't bad at all .
this just might have potential . "
when i bought the soundtrack , i was really quite surprised at how different it sounded from most disney features .
i have never really heard of phil collins , nor have i heard of mark mancina , so i was wondering , how would these two make this disney flick spin ?
i was pleasantly surprised : the music is top-notch .
phil collins' songs are terrific , percussion-heavy pieces of work that seem to break the formula for typical disney songs .
the score from mark mancina was also neat ; it reminded me a bit of the lion king , but it was more original .
so , the soundtrack wasn't bad at all , considering it was by two people i am not familiar with .
this film could be good . . .
but will it be ?
when i finally went to see it ( on opening day , as i tend to do with most disney animated features ) , my question was answered , in a complete turnabout of expectations for me : disney's tarzan is surprisingly decent .
the story starts out with tarzan's parents surviving a shipwreck and finding a home on an island where apes live in peace .
however , one day , a vicious leopard , sabor , attacks and kills tarzan's parents , leaving him ( at this time , a baby ) alone-until kala of the apes rescues him .
kala wants to raise the child as her own ( she lost hers previously to sabor ) , but her mate , kerchak is not too sure .
" it's not our kind , " he says .
he agrees , though , to let her take care of little tarzan , but " that doesn't make him my son . "
tarzan grows up , vowing to be " the best ape ever " , but no matter how hard he tries or what he does ( at the guidance of his hilarious ape friend , terk ) , he just can't convince kerchak that he is one of the apes , even when he defeats sabor in a battle .
one day , a new animal shows up : humans .
this is where jane comes into the picture .
she is on an expedition with her father ( professor porter ) , and a despicable hunter ( clayton ) searching for gorillas .
tarzan rescues her when she is chased by baboons , and soon they get to know each other .
even though tarzan falls in love with jane , this causes things to go wrong .
clayton tricks tarzan into taking him , jane , and porter to see the apes , who are convinced that he has betrayed them .
worse , clayton has plotted to send the gorillas to london for money .
will tarzan find out which family he belongs to and save the apes ?
i'm not gonna tell you , sorry .
you're gonna have to see for yourself .
and see it you should ; the animation is , as always , top notch , particularly when tarzan goes soaring through the trees ( read that , skateboarding ) .
the deep canvas computer generated effect adds an authentic feeling to the jungle which tarzan lives in .
in fact , it seems similar to the computer imagery/cel animation combination in rival disney animted films , such as fox's anastasia and dreamworks' prince of egypt .
could it be that disney was actually taking ideas from their rivals ?
the casting is fairly good .
tony goldwyn is emotionally believeable as tarzan ( and to my relief , the animators have succeeded in not making him another hercules .
nicely done ) , and glenn close is wonderful as kala ( she has a beautiful singing voice , too , by the way ) .
lance henrikson as kerchak somewhat reminds me of robby benson's beast voice , which makes him all the more ferocious and gripping .
minnie driver had me a little worried at first as the voice of jane .
i thought she had the most annoying voice in the whole film ( when i first saw the trailers ) , but when i saw the film , i didn't have a problem with her .
i take back my insult on driver .
it's nice to hear nigel hawthorne do another voice for a disney animated feature ( he was fflewdurr flamm in disney's most underrated classic , the black cauldron ) ; he is funny and delightful as professor porter .
on the villiany side of the voices , brian blessed ( the guy who did boss nass in star wars : episode i-the phantom menace ) brings a pompous , and later on vicious , voice to the sinister clayton .
he might not be the strongest character in the film ( he's just a plain bad guy , nothing else ) , but blessed's vocal work contributes greatly .
but if there is any voice that i think steals the whole show , it should be rosie o'donnell , who is hilariously funny as terk .
she also has a fiesty attitude ( " i'm gonna kill ya ! "
she says , more than once ) .
i almost sung along with her during one of the film's best moments , where the apes make a mess of the human's camp , via song , er , scatting " shoo-be-doo , da-be-dah " .
i can see why she wanted to have a rock song for the film , she's a good singer .
not that she was the only funny character in the film , though .
wayne knight ( who played stan in space jam ) gives a whimsically funny style to tantor , an elephant who is especially worried about stepping into " un-sanitary " water .
( thankfully , there is no real sound of flatuence-that would have killed the picture ) .
the songs , as i said before , are decent , mostly sung by collins .
this sets a new standard for disney animated films because for the first time , the characters do not sing .
i tolerate musical numbers from characters a lot more than some other guys would , but i found this to be a nice change of pace .
the story does have elements of comedy in it , but they also load it with strong dramatic touches , which makes this film far better than the unbelieveably uninspired hercules .
if there is anything disappointing about tarzan , it might be the omission of the 'n sync version of " trashing the camp " from the film .
i heard it on the soundtrack , and wondered where it was going to be .
i was upset that it wasn't , because i had thought of taking a few friends of mine who like 'n sync to see tarzan .
oh , well . . .
overall , i was enthralled with tarzan .
i wouldn't hold it high the way i do with mulan or the hunchback of notre dame ( my all-time favorite disney classics ) , but this film deserves a high place among disney's greatest achievements .
i give a nod to disney for following up their spectacular * * * * * masterpiece , mulan , with this great animated adaption of egar rice burrough's tarzan .
| 1 | 1,503 |
note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers .
be forewarned .
like its own opening shot , from out of the darkness boogie nights triumphantly explodes upon the film scene with stunning authority and clarity , persuasively heralding its helmer paul thomas anderson as a bonafide major talent .
a sprawling epic set in the heart of the disco era and focused upon the ascension and decline of a troupe in the adult film industry , boogie nights is an astonishingly ambitious feature film which is completely effective both as an utterly entertaining joyride and as a strikingly impressive piece of filmmaking .
the film follows a soft-spoken young man , eddie adams ( mark wahlberg ) from torrance , through his induction into the erotic picture business to stardom , and later , to a harrowingly precipitous drop .
as boogie nights opens , he's toiling as a dishwasher in a trendy san fernando valley nightclub , and living at home under the thumb of a tyrannical mother who denigrates him at every opportunity .
recruited by fatherly jack horner ( a rejuvenated burt reynolds ) , a successful porn filmmaker , eddie abandons his old life in favour of a new one as dirk diggler , pornstar .
wholeheartedly embraced by jack's troupe , including the maternal amber waves ( julianne moore ) , reed rothchild ( john c . reilly ) , buck swope ( don cheadle ) , rollergirl ( heather graham ) , dirk and his " one special thing " are quickly propelled to the top of his field , fulfilling his mantra of being a " big bright shining star " .
his lack of discipline , however , incites a chain of circumstances which sees dirk and his friends unravel as a new decade is ushered in .
the element of boogie nights which literally commands attention is the bravura direction by mr . anderson , whose fascination and prowess with the camera is obvious .
from the terrific tracking shot throughout a nightclub which opens the film and introduces the players through to the showy sequence in the camera follows a female partygoer diving into a pool , mr . anderson's accomplished command of the camera is without question .
while novice directors often demonstrate an unfortunate lack of restraint in terms of flamboyant camerawork which ultimately proves to be aggravating , impertinent and self-congratulatory ( case in point : marc rocco's unforgettable perpetual-motion helming of murder in the first ) , in boogie nights every zoom or pan by mr . anderson , be it slow and deliberate or energetically sharp , is purposeful and potent .
it's a rarity and a delight to discover such a confidently assured work so early in a filmmaker's career -- boogie nights is only his second feature film , following up his debut feature from earlier this year , hard eight -- and although it's somewhat derivative ( his storytelling style is reminiscent of robert altman , while in terms of visuals he's clearly influenced by martin scorsese ) , at least he's borrowing from some of the best , and it's entirely effective within the context of this film .
while boogie nights is astonishingly polished from a technical perspective , in terms of sheer entertainment value it's also rollicking good fun , with a wickedly deadpan sense of humour .
the film perfectly captures the essence of the disco period in terms of music , clothes , hairstyles , dance , idioms , and culture , aided immeasurably by impeccable production design by bob ziembicki and costume design by mark bridges , and boogie nights convincingly catapults the audience back to this recent , pre-aids-scare period in american history where uninhibited , free-wheeling lifestyles abounded .
while much of the film's humour pertains to the characters' obliviousness of now-outdated aspects of their lives then prevalent in society -- a prime example is part-time salesman buck swope's demo of a stereo system with an eight-track tape , and inviting a prospective customer to get 'freaky deaky' with the music -- it's elicited with an undercurrent not of ridicule , but of wistful reminiscence , and some the throwback elements in the film are strangely wondrous .
a giant ensemble disco dance production number in a nightclub is funny , to be sure , but oddly magical , and the sequence which lovingly explores eddie/dirk's bedroom , completely adorned with posters and elements of iconic 1970s figures ( farrah fawcett , cheryl tiegs , bruce lee ) is breathtaking .
ably supported by a well-selected collection of period music ( all of which purportedly came straight from mr . anderson's personal collection ) , there's a clear affection for the era in boogie nights .
it's the period aspect and the playfully comic nostaligism of boogie nights which has been played up in its marketing campaign in deference of the pornography element of the storyline ; the film's promotional trailer markedly avoids any explicit reference to the adult film industry which unites its characters .
after the debacle with 1996's milos forman film , the people vs .
larry flynt , another finely-crafted work which was knocked off the market prematurely due to controversy regarding its pornography-related storyline , the new line marketing team faced a unique challenge with boogie nights in terms of attempting to deemphasize the relatively risque erotic picture element of the story in order to increase salability to the general public .
however , while boogie nights delves into the world of the adult film industry of two decades ago , it's hardly a lurid or seamy film -- given the subject matter , there's very little nudity , and virtually none of it can be construed as gratuitous -- and boogie nights smartly depicts erotic filmmaking not as a hotbed of carnality , but simply as a business .
the glimpses on the sets of jack horner's shoots reveal that while the films he makes are intended to titillate , there's a candid matter-of-factness in terms of sex ; his cast and crew are professionals who are merely doing a job , and it's refreshing that the obvious cliches of depravity and sinful lechery often linked to dismissive portraits of adult filmmaking , such as coercion or debauchery , are avoided .
if anything , boogie nights is more interested in the process of adult filmmaking than the adult films themselves .
jack horner's dream is an honourable one -- he genuinely aspires to make a great film -- and to some degree boogie nights is reminiscent of ed wood ( albeit lacking a certain wistful innocence ) .
in both films , the world of quickie low-budget filmmaking is explored , and both jack horner and the version of ed wood by tim burton , scott alexander , and larry karaszewski share similar mindsets -- jack's retort of " there are shadows in light , baby " to his cinematographer's complaint about poor set lighting echoes back to ed wood's " it's not about the little details , it's about the big picture ! "
rant when it is pointed out that his graveyard set for plan 9 from outer space appears patently false .
in boogie nights and ed wood , the aspirations of the respective filmmakers' prove to be bemusing , not in their intentions -- there's nothing inherently silly in the goal of making an 'artistic' erotic picture -- but in the degree that they miss the mark .
much like the humour lacing ed wood , the laughs involving jack horner are double-edged ; after viewing a hilarious excerpt from one of his latest films which hybridizes the james bond and porn genres , when jack breathes " this is the best work i've ever done " , it's genuinely funny , but given his utter sincerity , also possesses a tinge of sadness .
mr . anderson is at this point clearly a greater talent as a director than a screenwriter .
while boogie nights shows great inventiveness in staging , there really isn't any clever dialogue in the film , though a valid point certainly can be made that none of the film's characters particularly lend themselves to thoughtful verbal exchanges ; when one considers that the film's * protagonist * literally doesn't say a single insightful thing throughout the entire 152 minute running time , it's no wonder why the playfully inane " how much can you bench ? "
banter between dirk and reed constitutes one of the film's finest exchanges .
and while mr . anderson creates a rich collection of fascinating characters , it's problematic that some of the the threads given to the film's characters are simply stale material -- julianne moore's child custody battle is fairly cliched stuff , better suited for a less risque and uninspired tv-movie version of her character's story , and far less interesting than the thread dealing with her woefully hackneyed filmmaking ambitions .
still , even if he doesn't always know what to do with his characters , mr . anderson most definitely captures their essences , and his resolutely nonjudgemental affection for them is infectious -- misguided , even aimless , hopelessly naive , self-destructive , insufferable : i loved them just the same .
in any case , it's hard to pick nits with a screenplay which contains one of the most audacious and inspired ( and ultimately best-executed ) scenes of the year : a scene where dirk diggler and reed rothchild are dragged along by their loose-cannon compadre to the home of drug baron rahad jackson ( a mesmerizing alfred molina in an unforgettable performance , even if it's a small one ) in a suicidal drug deal scam , only to find that the millionaire is a crazed eccentric ( the part where he stops the deal to listen to the crescendo of night ranger's " sister christian " on his stereo system is sheer brilliance ) flanked by an armed bodyguard .
if this scene already wasn't tense enough with these elements , mr . anderson introduces a chinese boy that wanders through the scene , who for no discernable reason is tossing firecrackers around the room , pushing the scene to a new , surreal level of delightful giddiness .
there are some other interesting touches in boogie nights .
mr . anderson recycles the use of long methodical chimes on the soundtrack from hard eight ; here , it accompanies the violent intercut sequences which depict the prostration of various characters to frightening effect .
similarly , a painful scene where crew member scotty j ( philip seymour hoffman ) breaks down in tears in the driver's seat , sobbing " i'm so stupid " after being rebuffed by dirk after an awkward but heartfelt advance is strikingly played out exactly as a later scene with dirk in the driver's seat after a particularly tumultuous and traumatic evening .
boogie nights is exceedingly well cast , and each of the actors rise to the occasion ; the ensemble cast is uniformly good .
while most of the acting accolades will no doubt go to mr . wahlberg ( fulfilling upon the sparks of promise he demonstrated in some of his earlier films ) and mr . reynolds ( terrific as the father figure and stable anchor of the film , ringing true in every respect ) , a handful of other performances which might otherwise be overlooked deem mention .
mr . reilly demonstrates here , as he did for brief glimpses in ulu grosbard's georgia , a genuine aptitude for comedy -- many of his scenes in boogie nights are among the very funniest in the film .
i'm not sure how much of his performance as reed was scripted and how much was done on the spot , but he plays the quintessential second banana character to a tee .
mr . reilly is the best part of the big disco dance production number , and it's wickedly funny to watch his reed join in with dirk after the fact in threatening the new stud on the block during a macho altercation .
worth the price of admission alone is the glimpse of him getting down in the recording studio while the dirk character is laying down a numbingly bad ( and dead-on period ; it sure sounds like bad early 1980s to me ) demo track " you got the touch " in a vain attempt at a musical career .
mr . reilly plays his vacant character with utter conviction which is convincing and effective .
ms . graham , with her long dirty blonde hair , innocent demeanour , and huge hazel eyes , looks like a disney animated heroine come to life -- or in this case , a disney animated heroine who came to life , made a wrong turn , and ended up on the new line lot in a film focused on the late 70s / early 80s adult film industry .
consequently , it's a bit incongruous to see this cheery sweet-faced starlet whizzing about the set on her roller skates , but in a scene where she's lounging in a limousine prowling the streets , garish red lipstick messily smeared on , giving the camera a hilariously pouty come-hither look , all one can do is gulp .
her role in the film sadly needs more fleshing out ( err -- in a figurative sense ) -- she's essentially a glorified extra -- but she does score impressively in her key scene which is unnerving in its sheer primal ferocity .
( if only mr . anderson had filmed the scene so that we could actually see the expression of rage and anguish on her face , though ! )
and a cautionary tale for the strict and prudish : as a teen , ms . graham's parents forbade her to take a part in the twisted cult classic heathers ; since then , her most notable roles have been as a junkie ( gus van sant's drugstore cowboy ) and now a porn starlet .
draw your own conclusions .
perhaps the most quietly touching performance in boogie nights is that of mr . cheadle , who lends dignity to his role as a character in search of his identity , and whose quest is comically manifested by a series of changes in his sense of fashion .
his relationship with his cheerfully supportive new wife jessie st . vincent ( an interesting melora walters ) is wholly compelling has genuine sweetness , and although his general longing for acceptance from others is perceptible , it's no more so than in the bank scene where his loan application to open a stereo store is rejected due to his background in the porn industry .
while the scenario is familiar , the wounded look in cheadle's eyes makes the scene unforgettable .
luis guzman's most famous work is possibly in brian de palma's carlito's way , and here he plays a variation on the same character : maurice t . rodriguez is a hapless but good-natured nightclub owner who's a hanger-on to jack's group , ingratiating himself into the clique and constantly hounding jack , with little disguise made of his desperation , for a part in one of his erotic pictures .
jack's eventual acquiescence to maurice's request leads to one of boogie nights' biggest comic payoffs .
boogie nights is a stunning achievement due to the virtuoso direction by mr . anderson , who immediately asserts his presence in the film industry as a presence of note with this work .
striking a fine balance between humour and drama , and exceptionally well-crafted , there's no doubt that boogie nights is among the very best films of the year .
| 1 | 1,917 |
" shagadellic ! " , " groovy , baby ! "
" smashing ! "
adorn the 1/4 page ad for this movie tabbed as " the #1 comedy in america " as of may 8th .
did we attend the same movie ? !
at 87 minutes it seemed overlong , like a snl skit on steroids , and at any length it seemed unfunny .
yes , the sets and costumes were an interesting exaggeration of 60s pop frills , and yes , the concept , dealing with a 60s secret agent/pop icon ( played by myers ) awakened from his cryogenic slumber to battle his arch enemy ( dr .
evil , also played by myers ) in the present day , had a great deal of potential .
fun costumes and scenery and potential do not a movie make so lets throw in a hefty dose of bathroom humor .
don't get me wrong , i like a good " bubbles in the bathtub joke " as much as the next person , but to have this type of humor be the funniest thing about your movie is a waste of yuor talent and my money .
but , the way things work these days in the movie business , all a film has to do is call itself the funniest and people will believe it .
i do give this film stars because of the sets , costumes , and sadly , unmet potential .
| 0 | 957 |
edward zwick's " the siege " raises more questions than it can convincingly answer or even clearly articulate .
its subject is the rising threat of terrorism in american cities .
denzel washington is anthony " hub " hubbard , who runs the fbi's anti-terrorism task force in new york .
his investigation into arab terrorist cells intensifies when suicide bombers take out a busload of people .
hub focuses on a mysterious cia operative ( annette bening ) , whose goes by both " elise " and " sharon . "
as the terrorist attacks continue and the body count rises , the question of martial law is raised .
enter general devereaux ( bruce willis ) , who opposes martial law at first but who , as soon as the president decides to send in the army , begins herding arab immigrants into a prison camp and attacking every link that hub uncovers in the terrorist chain .
hub listens as devereaux tortures and murders a suspect .
the future zwick and screenwriter lawrence wright offer is all too possible .
what would happen , they ask , if terrorism became as much a fact of daily life in new york as it is in cities like beirut and belfast ?
what would happen to our civil liberties if soldiers patrol our streets with machine guns ?
these questions " the siege " answers in realistic detail .
it implies tougher ones , though : what can be done to combat terrorism without sacrificing justice and freedom ?
if we encourage terrorism abroad ( from bening's character we discover that the cia trained the bombers ) , will it inevitably come back to us ?
" siege " avoids the tougher questions by endowing its hero , hub , with a uncompromising sense of clear right and wrong .
this comforting fantasy of sir galahad confronting the evils of the modern world is an escape from the thought-provoking issues the movie raises .
still , zwick deserves credit for at least addressing the issue with as much realism as he does where so many movies ( willis' " die hard " series , for example ) offer only a comic-book view on terrorism .
| 1 | 1,787 |
miramax " disinvited " on-line media from press screenings of scream 3 .
they ostensibly feared that folks like me would write spoiler-filled reviews and post them prior to the film's february 4th release date-unsound reasoning .
you see , 'net critics established enough to be on any sort of vip list are professionals-miramax surely knows the difference between a member of the on-line film critics society ( ofcs ) and the type of fanboy who posts spy reports at ain't it cool news .
no , the ? mini major' was afraid we'd let a bigger cat out of the bag than whodunit , that scream 3 is a dismal conclusion to the beloved ( by this writer , at least ) franchise .
something smells rotten in the state of california right from the get-go : cotton weary ( liev schrieber ) , the former lover and would-be killer of maureen prescott , sidney's mother , is juggling phone calls in his luxury car .
( once considered a danger to society , weary now hosts his own talk show , " 100% cotton " , a clever , if dated , jab at american pop culture . )
of course , a new ghostface dials him up , and , with memories of scream's unbearably suspenseful prologue in mind , we immediately wonder , where is the killer ?
the backseat ?
the next car ?
thrilling prospects , to be sure , but actually , ghostface is at the weary residence , waiting for cotton's girlfriend ( kelly rutheford ) to finishing showering .
what's missing from this sequence , and indeed scream 3's remaining frights ( most disappointingly , the moment when an ingenue is forced to hide in a wardrobe room filled with ghostface costumes , one of which might spring to life ) , is an elaborate and attenuated payoff .
our other surviving regulars have become estranged .
sidney ( campbell ) is living a paranoid existence of electronic gates and password-protected locks , while dewey ( arquette ) acts as technical advisor on the second sequel to scream 2's movie-within-a-movie , " stab 3 " , and gale weathers ( cox arquette ) headlines a gossipy news program .
murder reunites them , as knife-wielding ghostface stalks the set of " stab 3 " , imitating its sadistic screenplay-and his/her/their own personal draft climaxes with sidney's death .
the appeal of ghostface's villainy is that he/she/they could be your boyfriend , your classmate , your next door neighbour . . . or a combination of people .
scream was the first of its kind : a slasher mystery , with the guessing game not only entailing who will be next , but also who is/are the perpetrator ( s ) and what is/are his/her/their motive .
ironic self-reflection aside , parts one and two stand out in a crowd that includes umpteen friday the 13th and halloween flicks because there's at last articulate human beings behind the iconic costume .
with scream 3 , the novelty of ghostface's ever-mutating identity has worn off some , but the character remains conceptually potent .
conceptually . the execution of ghostface's master plan this time around is creaky , because screenwriter ehren kruger has invented a new mythology for the world of sidney prescott far afield from what we'd come to understand in scream and scream 2 . the movie gets in the silly habit of saying " all bets are off ! "
in reference to the " rules " of a trilogy's third act , but there's a difference between rule breaking and cheating .
with the departure of kevin williamson , who authored the previous screams as well as a tidy outline for scream 3 ( that , for reasons incomprehensible to me , was ignored , save the notion of " stab 3 " ) , kruger needed to be reined in tighter , and by wes craven .
craven's direction of scream 3 is lazy in most respects .
how else to explain the jay and silent bob cameo ( the slacker duo of kevin smith movies ) , akin to seeing mickey mouse pop up in mulan and more distracting than funny .
it pains me to write this , but scream 3's comedy is generally laughless , with the exception of well-timed performances by josh pais ( as a police detective possessed of the same personality he had as a persnickety teacher in craven's music of the heart ) , jamie kennedy ( resurrecting film geek randy for the sendoff he was denied in scream 2 ) , and parker posey ( through sheer force of will as a b-actress ) .
the visuals are much weaker in part three , as well-the occasional sweeping gesture of peter deming's camera is a pale imitation of the stalking steadicam craven gave us twice before .
( aside : in the wake of columbine , craven toned down the violence significantly for scream 3-why the sanctimony , when scream and scream 2 are still readily available on video store shelves ? )
finally , marco beltrami's music cues the suspense too blatantly-do you recall the tense chase at the college radio station in scream 2 ? it's mostly silent .
sting notes are a whole lot more effective if they spring from nowhere ; here , they act as the crescendos of an incessantly nerve-jangling score .
i look at scream 3 as coming from an alternative universe , the same place that birthed the godfather part iii and superman iii-woefully out of synch with its prequels , scream 3 is a nightmare instead of nightmarish , and will likely put the horror genre back in mothballs .
the film unintentionally follows the unspoken rule of a trilogy to a t : ? part three must disappoint' .
| 0 | 236 |
capsule : dumb dud of an entry in the body heat sweepstakes , and now something of a landmark for having spawned a jillion clones .
basic instinct's worst crime is that it's not just a bad movie , but in many ways , an incompetent one as well .
it's stupid in itself , and stupid to think its audience is as stupid as it is .
it's supposed to be a thriller , but the plot is dead on its feet , and ultimately arbitrary ; it's only put into the movie to jerk us around .
it's also supposed to be sexy , but it's instead got the unpleasant rawness of a teenager showing younger kids his collections of dirty pictures .
it's a ripoff .
the story opens with a rock star being murdered while in the throes of orgasm .
the biggest suspect is an authoress , catherine tramell ( sharon stone ) , who wrote a novel in which the murder was eerily presaged .
or maybe it's the work of a copycat ?
these and other plot threads get fed to the detective who's on the case ( michael douglas ) , who has a few problems himself .
like we wonder if his elevator goes to the top floor .
we can measure with a stopwatch the time from them setting eyes on each other to the moment they are doing the mattress dance .
joe eszterhas has written the screenplay , and he uses a device that he used before in the much better jagged edge : the killer's identity is kept a secret until the movie's final shot .
this isn't in itself a problem -- the problem is that up until that point , we've been given nothing to work with .
every clue in the movie -- every clue -- is ambiguous .
the whole thriller aspect of the movie is a shill .
red herrings , dead plot threads , violence , and kinky sexuality litter the movie like potholes in manhattan streets .
they add up to zip , because they're not happening to people we care about .
douglas's character is foulmouthed and bitter and that's it ; stone's character has an iron-on smile that never changes ; the rest are forgettable .
when we don't even have the luxury of giving a damn about anyone in the movie , who cares what happens in it ?
especially with an ending that is not only unsatisfying , but in many ways inexplicable ?
( a friend of mine once came up with a rule of thumb about movie characters : " if no one in the movie behaves like anyone you know , or would * care * to know , just leave ! " )
one of the nastier things about the movie is the way it treats lesbianism not as an integral part of someone's life , but as a kind of kink -- something to thrill men with .
i despair whenever i encounter this kind of stupidity in mainstream entertainment ; are we still so culturally neanderthal that the only way to include something like that in a big-budget hollywood film is as a hefnerism ?
| 0 | 898 |
contrary to popular belief , not every single foregin film released to an american market is a masterpiece .
some of them aren't even good .
some examples of this principle are the aboslutely dreadful " un indien dans la ville " ( presented as " little indian , big city , " and remade into that crap tim allen flick , " jungle2jungle " ) , and this .
what could have been a clever little sex comedy turns into one mess of a french flick .
" french twist " ( the " cool " american title , not the real one , which was " gazon maudit , " literally meaning " twisted ground , " or something like that ) deals with a married couple with kids , and the intrusion of a stranger who kinda screws things up for them .
loli and alain chabat ( victoria abril and alain chabat ) are not exactly happily married .
always on business trips , alain chabat more than once cheats on her , and she eventually finds out .
and one day , she meets a butch mechanic , marijo ( the co-writer/director josiane balasko ) , and they two kinda hit it off .
so she decides she will get back at alain chabat by doing the obvious : sleeping with marijo .
but she soons starts to not only fall in love with marijo , but she's also realizes she's still in love with alain chabat .
so , of course , she does the obvious from that : she decides to keep them both .
she'll be ( and sleep ) with each of them for 3 days each , then on sunday , she'll rest by herself .
after all , she needs it if she's gonna have more sex than sylvia kristel .
the film goes on for over an hour and a half , through stupidity after stupidity , moronic twist after moronic twist , and soon there's the little ironic ( ! ! ! )
ending .
i know it's a completely different culture , and i'm quite familiar with the french and their cinema , but this is just bad .
none of the characters are more intelligent than peter stormare in " fargo " ( a movie where stupid characters were backed up to make a point ) , and any action they do is pretty much just to get a hopeful chuckle from the audience .
what's shocking is this was not only one of france's biggest hits , but it was nominated for a lot of cesars ( french equivalent of oscars ) .
the writing and directing is really the big problem with it .
josiane balasko does a good acting job with her role , but her little sex comedy isn't very humerous , entertaining , or even deep at all .
even woody allen's not-very-good " a midsummer night's sex comedy " is intelligent , well-written , and possesses some depth .
this is shallow , unfunny , and pretty annoying to watch .
the film moves at the pace of a snail , and is damn-near painful to watch .
thank god for the fast forward button .
the acting , however , isn't bad at all .
the actors do the best they can with the bad material , and victoria abril is pretty likable despite the script ( and the fact that she's stupid enough to try to divide herself over two people when she has kids ) .
and alain chabat has some funny moments as the neurotic husband .
but " french twist " is just pretty lame .
it's not overly horrible , and has a couple very , very , very brief moments .
but it's just a really crap film , and an example of an ill-advised distribution of a foreign film .
| 0 | 701 |
senseless ( r ) marlon wayans is a very talented physical comedian , and it is that gift that brings senseless moments of life .
alas , moments are simply that , moments , which are not enough to lift this fantasy/comedy above its one-joke premise .
granted , that one joke is initially amusing .
when wayans's darryl witherspoon , an economics major at stratford university , hits some dire financial straits , he becomes a guinea pig for a experimental drug that heightens all five senses .
after some initial side effects and problems controlling his superhuman senses , darryl learns to enjoy the benefits of his abilities and uses them to land a position at a highly esteemed corporate firm .
at this point , the film sounds more like senseful than senseless , but through some turns of the plot , darryl finds himself only able to use four of his five senses at once , essentially leaving him--yes--senseless .
this sets up some showcase moments for wayans's gift for physical comedy , especially when darryl loses his sense of feeling and his body goes completely , hilariously limp .
but these gags , and the gag behind the entire movie , quickly grows stale .
once darryl is shown without the use of all of the senses , instead of exploring any new comic territory , director penelope spheeris and screenwriters greg erb and craig mazin take the easy way out and simply recycle each form of senselessness .
wayans approaches each go-round with gusto , but by this point he's simply treading water for the rest of the film's unfunny duration .
senseless would not be as problematic as it is if it didn't strive to be anything more than a comic trifle .
however , the raucous and often raunchy comedy is wrapped in a blanket of bogus sincerity .
darryl goes through the experiment in order to help his cash-strapped family , and this " serious " angle seems to come from an entirely different movie .
unlike wayans's last starring vehicle , the surprisingly effective ( and serious ) the 6th man , the " emotional " content of senseless is forced and unconvincing .
any attempt at anything more substantial than broad comedy fizzles--darryl's romance with janice ( tamara taylor ) , a young woman who yearns for a man who is true to himself , does not generate sparks of any kind .
once his wb television sitcom the wayans bros . comes to an end , the genuinely funny marlon wayans has a promising big-screen future ahead of him .
but if he continues to associate himself with projects as flat as senseless , his film career could go the way of his once-promising older brother , damon , who is now set to make his comeback--on television .
| 0 | 907 |
as any sociologist will attest , your childhood and the types of parents that you have will heavily influence your happiness as an adult .
parents that are supportive and environments that are nurturing will yield children who will embrace the values and norms that can allow them to live healthy and productive lives .
but if your upbringing is marred with violence , hate and dysfunctionality , then your journey towards a happy adulthood will be saddled with psychological obstacles almost too great to overcome .
`affliction' explores how a man never truly escapes the grip of an unforgivingly nightmarish childhood .
the man in question is wade whitehouse ( nick nolte ) .
here is a man who is like any other citizen on the surface .
he is a productive member of the community and goes about his daily routine much like you and me .
but as you scratch beneath the surface , something scary and evil begins to rear its ugly head .
we see that he is a mean-tempered person .
he has a hard time taking control of his emotions , which usually gets the better of him .
he is quick to apologize for his actions and wants to be a gentle person , but something is sparking a tendency towards violence .
he also has tremendous problems with relationships .
he is divorced and his only connection to love is his daughter .
but his bearish persona and stature alienates her .
he is visibly shaken by her rejection even though she says that she loves him .
his demeanor also puts his relationship with a local townsgirl ( sissy spacek ) at risk .
she tries to remain true to him and supportive , but for women unlucky enough to attach themselves to this kind of person , relationships will ultimately end like sentences ending with an exclamation point .
finally , he is spiteful and vindictive .
as a rejected father , he initiates a custody battle that seems hopeless .
as the town's only police officer , he issues a speeding ticket to a man whose father has just died .
we can see that this is a man that is both afflicted and living with pain .
he is a prisoner and a slave to it .
he is moving towards a level of madness and insanity that defies comprehension .
what kind of force can move a man to the edge of his emotions and beyond the reach of people who genuinely care for him ?
we learn that the answer is his father ( james coburn ) .
this is the kind of father that every son would be ashamed to have and that any woman would be afraid to meet .
he is an overbearingly misogynistic and frequent drunk who rules with an iron fist .
we see his tyrannical behavior through flashbacks .
to heighten the father's churlishness , the flashbacks are shown as home video footage taken by a very frightened person .
very effective .
today , wade's dad is quite elderly , but still manages to instill fear into a grown man .
the influence that the father possesses is inescapable , and its unsavory effect clamps down hard on the tortured wade .
the result is every son's nightmare ? becoming like the father that one has always dreaded to be .
this is a terrifically presented piece of psychological drama , and nolte turns in a strong performance as a man whose pain seems to become a detriment as well as a necessity .
he's a hulking person who is still reduced to whimpers when in the presence of his father .
coburn displays heft as the bitter dad .
but , it's most certainly not saturday-night-friendly fare .
there's nothing light or fluffy about this film .
that may turn many moviegoers away .
but it's certainly worth noting that this is a well-acted drama showcasing nolte's and coburn's raw acting talents .
| 1 | 1,370 |
i'm not quite sure what to say about mars attacks ! , which is obviously the work of a deranged genius .
when tim burton's twisted alien invasion comedy really works , it's breathtaking and hilarious in equal measure .
and when it doesn't work , it's just dull .
i'm not even sure it works more often than it doesn't , but where it counts -- that is , when this gleefully evil invading force from the red planet gets down to the business of blasting us to kingdom come -- mars attacks !
is brilliant .
mars attacks !
is based on a rather unsavory series of trading cards released by topps in the 1950s , and it takes its cues from the same sources as this summer's independence day -- old alien invasion flicks , disaster movies , and big-budget special effects extravaganzas .
but unlike independence day , which was a painfully middle-of-the-road appeal to the hearts , minds and wallets of america , mars attacks !
has a fully developed and very personal sense of wonder about it .
the big difference is that while independence day celebrated the resilience of human beings , mars attacks !
portrays us as the greedy and hapless schmucks that we are .
the title sequence is just splendid -- an incredible swarm of flying saucers rises out of the canals of the red planet and then storms earthward through the solar system in formation .
the spinning metal saucers are dead ringers for the invading forces of movies past , and their first appearance on the big screen in combination with danny elfman's thundering , theremin-driven score is absolutely jaw-dropping .
it's so overwhelming that , i swear to you , i had trouble breathing .
the movie lays low for the next 40 minutes .
we get a glimpse of the alien leader , resplendent in a purple-sequined cape , when a television message is broadcast to the people of the world -- naturally , the only way to communicate with earthlings is to preempt our regularly scheduled programming .
but mostly , the first act is spent developing characters , setting up mildly comic situations , and drawing a quirky but dishearteningly drab picture of america according to tim burton .
it's a good thing that the most compelling personality in the movie belongs to the aliens , because burton's just not interested in making more than caricatures out of his human stars .
anyone who comes to mars attacks !
expecting to see a lot of one favorite actor is bound to be disappointed -- with few exceptions , these characters are dispatched as the film progresses .
jack nicholson is a lot of fun as the president of the united states but fizzles as a sleazy las vegas hotel developer . rod steiger does an amusing enough take on dr . strangelove's buck turgidson , glenn close brings some star power to the role of the first lady , and martin short is a presidential aide who meets the martians in the white house's " kennedy room , " a secluded nook where he unwittingly tries to seduce an alien dressed up as a big-haired , pointy-breasted sexpot ( lisa marie , the burton flame who played vampira in ed wood ) -- in an earlier scene , it's made clear that the aliens studied human sexuality in the pages of an old issue of playboy .
sarah jessica parker hosts her own tv show and michael j . fox is her newsman husband .
the octogenarian sylvia sidney has a funny part as the old woman who cackles , " they blew up congress ! "
and plays a decisive role in the defeat of the alien menace .
jim brown and tom jones are the film's vegas-based heroes , and director barbet schroeder ( reversal of fortune ) has a funny cameo as the unfortunate french president .
also on hand and underutilized are annette bening , pierce brosnan , pam grier , lukas haas and natalie portman ( the latter two also show up in woody allen's everyone says i love you ) .
the real stars , of course , are the computer-generated martians , and they're fantastic .
with bare brains glistening atop their grinning skull-faces , round egg-eyes with red pupils darting this way and that , these animated invaders are malevolence incarnate -- joe dante's gremlins are the closest equivalent in recent memory , but burton's little monsters are more inventive .
the film's raison d'etre are the scenes of crimes against mankind -- the most famous monuments of the world crumble under the alien assault , easter island is turned into a bowling alley , and the nasty little buggers perform hideous medical experiments on captured humans .
the sheer level of mayhem is staggering , especially when the aliens make their first attack , blasting human beings into iridescent skeletons .
parents are urged to pay special attention to the pg-13 rating -- it's earned .
the special effects vary from charming to astonishing to deliciously cheesy , and at least a couple of shots of mass destruction seem to have been engineered specifically in response to independence day , although mars attacks !
was in production long before that film's release .
cinematographer peter suschitzky , who makes the most of wynn thomas's wildly imaginative production design ( thomas helped define the spike lee style ) , actually took time off from his mars attacks !
regimen to shoot crash for david cronenberg .
cronenberg's movie will almost certainly be more somber -- it won't be released in the u . s . until early next year -- but mars attacks !
is surely a similarly elegant nightmare .
this is not a nice movie .
( and which studio executive was duped into giving burton $70 million to make it ? )
by setting the film's final scenes in the nearly empty , holocaust-ravaged america that independence day conveniently avoided , burton's invasion epic suggests that the world we've got may not be worth saving until many of the people on it are dead .
the victims of his invasion are naive , greedy , or disastrously self-absorbed -- and a good thing , too , since the movie's wicked charm is dependent on our ability to take this invasion partly as a wish-fulfillment fantasy .
the surviving cast members are the innocents and the entertainers , who triumph by determining that the alien invaders -- the ultimate elitists -- are actually susceptible to the kitschiest strains of american pop culture .
ultimately , this messy masterpiece is the year's funniest comedy and a weird , winking affirmation of the power of the people .
| 1 | 1,620 |
rated : r for strong language , sexual dialogue , drug use , crude humor , violence and brief nudity .
starring : ben affleck , matt damon , linda fiorentino , salma hayek , alan rickman , chris rock , kevin smith , jason mewes , jason lee , george carlin , alanis morissette .
running time : 130 minutes
being a huge fan of kevin smith , i was expecting a lot out of his newest project 'dogma' .
it might just be kevin's best work to date .
it's very funny with smart and foul-mouthed dialogue while unexpectedly it has a serious undertone to it and besides going against god and jesus christ , it actually tries to tell people that there is such a thing rather than that there isn't .
in 1994 a little $27 , 000 movie premiered at sundance .
this little film was called 'clerks' and this little film went on to become a huge video sensation .
you really can't meet a person on this green earth who has not seen 'clerks' .
it was hailed by critics as one of the best movies of the year and soon a sequel is coming .
in 1995 kevin made another movie 'mallrats' that flopped horribly , thought it was not the best movie ever made it was a pretty good little flick .
it was panned by critics but hailed by audiences and in 1997 'chasing amy' came out and was kevin's biggest success to date .
now in 1999 we get a great little movie by the name of 'dogma' .
wow ! what a cast .
ok here is the plot in this movie : linda fiorentino plays a regular woman who works at an abortion clinic .
one day at her house metatron ( the voice of god ) appears at her house much to her surprise and tells her that she must stop two fallen angels ( matt damon and ben affleck ) from getting back into heaven by ways of a church .
ok now get this , she is told to find two prophets : one who talks a lot and one who doesn't , however she gets jay and silent bob instead ( who give us great performances ) .
now on her way to new jersey with jay and silent bob to try and stop the two angels the 13th apostle falls out of the sky ( chris rock ) and helps guide her to find these angels .
salma hayek plays serendipity who also helps her out along her way .
azrael ( jason lee ) who is a demon is trying to help the two angels out so that they can win .
bethany ( linda fiorentino ) has to now use the help of all these people to try and stop the angels before they cheat their way back to heaven leading to a violent and bloody end that will make you think twice about your faith .
what a movie , it is everything rolled into one : an offensive , offbeat , smart and sassy comedy that surprisingly has a great message at the end , and ends up being a feel-good movie .
who would have known kevin had such a soft side on him that could make us know that he is a faithful person himself .
now for those of you who get offended with this movie really should not take it to heart .
yes it may target the catholic community and bash them a lot , but it also seems to rather than go against god and heaven , it actually goes with god and kevin gives a message that there is a god .
this review may sound confusing at first but really the only way to understand it is to see this excellent movie .
kevin goes to new lengths in this hilarious comedy and gives us some great characters with not too much background or study and rather we start to know the characters as we watch the movie .
of course the best ( and funniest ) of them all is the only duo in history that have made me fall out of my chair laughing and that my friends are jay and silent bob .
probably the best characters in movies that i like .
the star-studded cast is amazing and has some other cameos by george carlin , jeanne garafolo and so may more that we start to lose track after a while .
the script was written by kevin smith with many f'words in there of course and a strong emphasis on sexual talk but he also seems to concentrate on what is important rather that what isn't and makes us laugh at the same time as we think .
chris rock gives a hilarious performance and gets into his character very well , with some classic lines .
linda fiorentino is just perfect for her role and makes us believe that she really is who she is .
of course jason mewes and kevin smith do a great job as jay and silent bob with some priceless lines from jay ( as well as silent bob ) .
alan rickman , jason lee , salma hayek round out the cast with matt damon and ben affleck in the starring roles .
being oscar winners for the classic 'good will hunting' they give great performances here again but matt damon seems just a little held back and to me did not give it all he could .
ben however was all out and got very much into his character as well as the story .
the movie's only big flaw is that it has a few unfunny lines and some slow parts to go along with it .
however the direction by kevin and the script by kevin as well as the priceless performance by many of the cast members , 'dogma' stands as a new classic and i think i can safely compare it to 'clerks' .
while being funny at times , in the end it becomes a serious movie with an important message that some may not agree with but can't deny it .
'dogma' will offend people , especially deeply religious people , but for those of you who are open minded and want to see some very funny material then this is the movie for you .
all kevin smith fans must see ! !
| 1 | 1,180 |
the long kiss goodnight ( r ) meryl streep tried it and failed .
even pamela anderson lee made an attempt but fell flat on her well-bared assets .
however , geena davis could very well become the first bankable american female action star with the long kiss goodnight , a preposterous but incredibly fun action thriller directed by her husband , renny harlin .
davis plays samantha caine , a mousy suburban school teacher and mother whose memories only go back eight years .
with the help of ethically questionable private detective mitch hennessey ( samuel l . jackson ) , she slowly remembers--and reclaims--her past as charly baltimore , tough-as-nails cia operative .
needless to say , with the reappearance of samantha/charly comes the appearance of an assortment of no-goodniks out to erase more than her memory .
shane black netted a cool $4 mil for his script ; i'm not so sure if his prose is truly deserving of such a hefty price tag , but for what it's worth , it delivers the goods .
like black's previous work , such as lethal weapon and the last boy scout , the script juggles some impressive action scenes with funny , quirky dialogue .
the humor especially works well in this case , for the story is so preposterous that the laughs help to keep things from taking things too seriously .
but there's no argument that the more unbelievable sequences are original and entertaining as hell : who can resist the sight of davis tossing her daughter from a hole in her house into the nearby treehouse or chasing after a car . . .
while ice skating ?
jackson and davis make a good team .
jackson is funny as ever as ever ; in fact , his spirited line deliveries , especially when he first appears , are more than reminiscent of his work as jules in pulp fiction .
as good as he is , the one who should benefit the most from this project is davis , who shows much promise as an action heroine .
what makes her so effective and why she should succeed where streep and lee failed is that she doesn't take herself too seriously .
she is obviously in on the joke , slyly taking jabs at herself and at the situation .
this is not to say that she doesn't need work--sometimes she lays on the " toughness " a bit too thick and comes off too much as a caricature .
but should the public embrace the film and , in turn , the notion of a kick-ass female , davis could have found her special niche .
it seems as if davis and harlin's first collaboration , the middling pirate epic cutthroat island , was just a dress rehearsal ( albeit a very costly one ) for long kiss , in which the wife-husband team hit their action stride .
anyone simply looking for a fun , escapist entertainment that requires little-to-no thinking will find this film to be a more-than-welcome kiss .
| 1 | 1,486 |
if you have ever seen fox tv's special car chase programs , you'll have a good idea about the content of ronin , the new action " thriller " from director john frankenheimer .
the film involves a mysterious briefcase , that several groups of terrorist want to get their hands on .
an irish women , dierdre ( played by the truman show's natascha mcelhone ) , hires a group of mercenaries to assist her in getting the briefcase .
among the people she hires are sam ( robert de niro ) , vincent ( jean reno ) , and gregor ( stellan skarsg ? rd from good will hunting ) .
dierdre's groups assignment is too seize the briefcase while the current owners are transporting it .
they accomplish this task , but a traitor is in the bunch and the briefcase is soon on the run again .
the briefcase stays on the run , as the movie leads the viewer through several plot twists that are badly executed .
the writer seemed to be attempting to make a smart action movie , but failed to understand that just because there are surprises , it doesn't add too the credibility of a senseless script .
the plot twists get no reaction because they come at a time where no one cares what is going on , after the apparent climax of the film .
but to add to the excitement , as i mentioned earlier , there are endless car chase scenes .
they are unrealistic and fail to add anything to the story .
don't get me wrong , i love car chases , but they were overdone and too long here .
we never do find out what's in the briefcase , but i doubt anyone cares by the time they finish sitting through this two hour long attempted thriller .
| 0 | 209 |
this is one of the worst big-screen film experiences i've had for a while .
with this film , plus `showgirls' and `basic instinct' , paul verhoeven has stamped himself as currently one of the worst blockbuster directors .
his celebrated film `total recall' was ? i admit ? successfully scripted , but it nonetheless contained directorial flaws .
obviously nobody wanted to invest too much money in a production from someone like verhoeven , the result being that much of the special effects in `starship' seemed fake .
but not everything bad in the film was the director's fault , even though he was one of the guys who employed the actors .
it is surprising that none of the actors received nominations for the razzie awards ( i expected five for the acting categories ) .
casserole vanity devoid , dense ribald , dingy miasma , and jackass bushy are in serious need of acting school .
no , they have to pass primary school drama classes first .
while `total' was written well , `starship' is purely pathetic .
all right , it is supposed to be a fast-paced entertainment film , and you're supposed to turn off your intellect ( completely ) and enjoy the action sequences and special effects ( that is , guts and gore ) .
as a matter of fact , i found the activity incredibly boring , a complete waste of more than two hours .
half of the film was a bad episode of `beverly hills 90210' ( dina meyer was in " beverly hills " ) , while another quarter was simply nothing ( things like presenting irrelevant information in an irritating way on the web ) , and the rest was a display of humans fighting computer-generated images .
the battles were all the same ? jumping around , shoot or get stabbed ? and on barren planets that only had giant insects .
there weren't even any stunts , which i consider slightly more exciting than pictures running around .
i wonder what the insects eat , if there's nothing but them on the planets ?
there is so much laughable treatment in this film , and it is frankly not amusing when jokes are intended .
this type of story is obviously aimed at 10-year-olds , who can't see it anyway because of the violence and some sexuality .
but then , there are always 16-year-olds who have that frame of mind .
the pointless plot begins when johnny's ( vanity devoid ) girlfriend carmen ( richards ) decides that she wants to join the troopers to fight the insects who are throwing asteroids at earth .
johnny then signs up as a trooper also , after an overacted argument with his parents .
but there is another girl , dizzy ( meyer ) , who likes johnny and then there is another boy who likes carmen , which results in a love quadrangle , which isn't better , because it means augmented worse-than-stereotyped soap opera , increased bitchiness , and more bad beverly hills + melrose .
and the result of this love quadrangle at the end is also rather stupid .
anyway , getting back to the thing you might call plot , johnny is too stupid to be a pilot and has to join the infantry , while his girl and the other dude are in the same league .
dizzy comes chasing johnny and joins the infantry also .
they then start training , which contains what roger ebert calls ips ( idiot plot syndrome , moments when only an idiot would have made such obvious mistakes ) , then real combat .
and guess what ?
that's about as complex as it gets .
oh , and one of their friends , carl ( neil patrick harris a . k . a . doogie howser m . d . ) , becomes involved in war intelligence , and his abilities at the end are really corny and make me want to spray insecticide on someone for it .
he's my fifth nom for a razzie .
the troopers fight , fall in love , die , kill , and try to act .
naturally , they win , or sort of half-win .
of course , in between ( and at the end ) there are soldiers chatting and smiling while carrying grievous wounds caused by bug legs .
the bugs also suffer from ips : why would you release hold of your captive before killing it ?
isn't it also amazing that earthlings haven't invented better hand-held weapons by then ?
the only question that remains is why i gave it one star instead of zero .
well , maybe a-quarter ( of a star ) for the originality of the co-sex shower scene and the ( very ) brief moments of suspense , another quarter for copying `zulu' and letting the good guys ( the bugs ) win , and half a star for the sucking-out of the brain of one of those people who call themselves actors ( but there should have been more , the troopers deserved to die ) .
| 0 | 158 |
old soldiers never die , they just turn into cliches
soldier a film review by michael redman copyright 1998 by michael redman
the warrior and the lover are two personality aspects that find it difficult to exist in the same body .
jungian archetypes , these two opposites need each other to create a whole , but it's difficult to integrate both .
often we'll encounter lovers who think everything is just wonderful and , with the help of jung's magician , sit around imagining grand schemes .
without the drive to manifest their plans , much less the wisdom to recognize the darkness , all they have are dreams .
warriors on the other hand , are ready to go to war at the drop of a hat , and will do combat with every last bit of their energy .
they don't care enough about anything to know what's worth fighting for : gladiators who live only for the battle .
this dichotomy not only describes individuals that we all know , but can also illustrate societies .
america during the late sixties was a conflict between old style cold warriors and the new hippie lovers .
todd 3465 ( kurt russell ) is a living , breathing archetype .
chosen from birth as a soldier , he is raised by the government to be a killing machine .
his childhood is cruelty and competition .
he is indoctrinated with the big rules .
never question authority .
winning is everything .
strength beats knowledge .
a veteran of numerous intergalactic wars , todd is 40 and he's obsolete .
a new generation of genetically engineered soldiers are faster and stronger .
left for dead after a test battle with the best of the new killers , caine 607 ( jason scott lee ) , he's unceremoniously dumped as trash on arcadia 234 , a garbage world .
obviously our hero is still alive .
he finds a group of shipwrecked settlers abandoned on the planet who nurse him back to health .
when the peace-loving colonists get a good look at who todd is , they are afraid of him and he is exiled to live by himself amid the junk on an environmentally hostile world .
they are the other good guys .
these lovers find that they need a warrior when the military coincidentally chooses this world to conduct exercises for their improved human weapons .
todd finds himself in the role of protector .
what could have been a fascinating look at the roles played in our culture and the fears of an ultra-right wing future is ruined by turning the film into a cartoon .
the effects are mostly second-rate explosions or jerky slow motion .
the plot is old hat .
we don't get even a glimpse at the society that created the soldiers .
hardly anything makes sense .
the film's science fares badly .
with all the remarkable advances we've made in just 37 years ( the film takes place in 2036 ) , we're still stupid .
after conquering the stars , for some reason we use vast amounts of energy to load up huge space ships with rubbish tote it to a landfill light years away .
even stranger , the garbage barges appear to double as time machines .
virtually all the trash is vintage 1960 .
there is nothing in the story that is not predictable .
the first thing that todd sees after coming back to life is sandra ( connie nielsen ) , the woman just a little too beautiful to be living in such harsh conditions who is taking care of him .
it doesn't take a genius to foresee that her husband isn't going to be around much longer .
is it a shock to find out that the film's climax is an unarmed battle between todd and caine ?
who would you guess wins ?
some of the scenes would work if this were a comedy .
todd's first awakening of human emotion comes when he glimpses connie's nipple poking through her thin blouse .
later as he sits by his lonely campfire , a tear rolls down his dramatically lighted cheek in slow motion .
supposedly this clich ? isn't meant to be humorous .
dastardly col . mekum ( jason isaacs ) with a pencil-thin mustache is as real as snidley whiplash .
responsible for last year's quirky and visually enticing but problematic " the fifth element " , director paul anderson sees the film as " shane " in outer space .
maybe , if shane were played by sylvester stallone in rambo mode .
the movie doesn't even work as an action film .
there is never a question as to the outcome .
somehow the new superior soldiers don't prove much of a match for todd .
the acting isn't anything to write home about .
nielsen almost comes across as a real person but is soon relegated to a background victim .
russell is buffed-up and does a credible job but it's not much of a challenge .
uttering around 100 words during the film , mostly what todd does is hit things and stare grimly into space .
gary busey as todd's commanding officer is completely wasted in his low-key role .
everything blows up and occasionally it looks cool .
sometimes the sets are impressive .
unfortunately " occasionally " and " sometimes " don't make a film .
most disappointing is that the screenplay is by david webb peoples who wrote " blade runner " , possibly the best science fiction movie ever made .
sharp-eyed viewers will notice a few obscure references to that film .
peoples says that this is not a " blade runner " sequel , but a " sidequel " that takes place in the same universe .
although that may have been the intent in his original script , the result is more like a bad television series that the " blade runner " replicants watch to pass time .
perhaps those artificial humans would find this entertaining .
( michael redman has written this column for over 23 years and wants to wish everyone an appropriate halloween . . . whatever
you'd like it to be . )
| 0 | 241 |
i have a soft spot in my heart for pure , amoral sleaze .
i liked showgirls ( there , i said it ) .
i typically enjoy myself when sitting through that eszterhaz , sex-filled cinematic tabloid-ish trash .
wild things is the best sleazy film i've ever seen .
it's filled with great performances , graphic sex , three-way sex , rape charges , double-crosses , plot twists , genitalia of all genders , graphic violence , death , witty humor , and , best of all , denise richards .
criticizing this film for being disgusting , raucous , and just plain wrong is as fundamentally pointless as criticizing citizen kane for being disturbing , or titanic for being lofty and epic .
wild things is a film that succeeds in its endeavors , but i don't just admire it for this--i admire it for being so entertaining and such a fun time at the movies .
i must admit up-front , however , that i am directly in the center of the age group to which this film has been engineered to appeal .
i imagine that this shows .
it's hard to give a plot summary without giving away pieces that shouldn't be known .
i thought i had the whole thing worked out from the trailer , but i was wrong ; there are a lot of turns here .
i'll just say that the film takes place in blue bay , a rich little town in florida .
in blue bay lives sam lombardo ( matt dillon ) , a teacher who is accused of rape by two of his students , kelly van ryan ( denise richards ) , and suzie toller ( neve campbell ) .
kelly's mother , sandra ( theresa russell ) , immediately presses charges .
all of this happens fairly early in the film .
and right up until this point , i had the whole film predicted .
i was wrong , though , and every time i was proven wrong , i was shocked .
wild things isn't even remotely plausible , but it is so fun to see where the story takes us that the implausibility of every scene is meaningless , and often invited , just for kicks .
i remember first seeing the preview for wild things before the replacement killers .
i'd give the preview four stars .
it made me want to see the movie so much that i've been waiting for it anxiously ever since .
over the past few weeks though , i started to realize that there was no way the film could live up to the preview ( see independence day ) ; thankfully , i was proven wrong .
the preview for this film is one that needs to be studied by marketing analysts of every distribution company : not only does it make us want to see the film , but it doesn't give away any of the secrets .
but i'm not here to talk about the preview .
i'm here to talk about denise richards .
now , i found her mildly interesting in starship troopers , but in wild things she appeals to such a base instinct that every scene she's in demands attention in a way that almost no other performer can .
of course , this might have something to do with her oceanic eyes . . . and
flawless body . . . but
i thought she did a great job acting , too ( stop laughing ) .
no , richards is truly a find--she is talented , and always convincing in this film .
this mixed in with her insane physical appeal makes her a vital asset to any film she may grace in the future .
the other actors are good , too .
dillon is as suave as ever ( it's nice to see him bouncing back from albino alligator and in & out ) .
bacon does a good job acting all determined and stuff as a sex crimes officer .
neve campbell gives the most layered performance of all of them , though i won't pretend that any of these characters are deep and complex .
for a plot like this to work , all of these people have to be insane and basically contrived .
that's okay , because director john mcnaughton knows that he's making a self-consciously wicked film .
each scene--even the three-way sex scene--is observed with hilarity by mcnaughton , and the result is a sleaze-fest that's too smart to resist .
there isn't an inconsistent moment in wild things : every bit of it is alluring garbage , so trashy it's funny , and so entertaining it's painful .
i loved it .
| 1 | 1,391 |
everything in the phantom you have seen many times before and there is nothing new presented here .
wincer displays absolutely no skill in setting up an exciting action sequence .
billy zane is wooden as the hero .
kristy swanson is given very little to do , and does very little with it .
treat williams , looking like rhett butler but sounding like mickey mouse , is one of the worst villains i have ever seen in a movie .
only catherine zeta jones , as one of williams cohorts turns in a good performance .
she has energy and spunk , which the movie needed much more of .
oh yeah , the phantom also has a secret identity but this is so poorly played out you won't even care .
about the only things i can recommend are a good performance by jones , and some colorful scenery .
however , if youre looking for a fun family movie , go watch the underrated flipper .
this is not a good movie .
| 0 | 649 |
tectonic plates is an incredibly painful motion picture experience that nearly prompted me to walk out 20 minutes into the movie .
the film ( which opened in canada during 1992 but was never released in the united states ) is based on a 1988 stage play by canadian auteur robert lapage , and , while it's evident that this could be a fascinating live production , the translation to the screen is a creative disaster .
enduring tectonic plates is like sitting through a filmed version of performance art -- lifeless and tedious .
the qualities that make it captivating when seen in person are effaced in the motion picture medium .
tectonic plates has a storyline , although the narrative is developed in a decidedly non-traditional fashion , with shots of the stagebound play intercut with more typical cinematic sequences .
it's not an inherently uninteresting way to present a movie ( despite the valid complaint that it is pretentious , all-but-screaming , " look !
art ! " ) ,
although it keeps the audience distanced from the characters .
because we're constantly made aware that we're watching a play or a movie , it's impossible to accept these individuals as anything more than mouthpieces for the writer's ideas .
they're not real , sympathetic , or believable .
i'm willing to give director peter mettler credit for trying something different , but this particular experiment is not a success .
tectonic plates opens by introducing us to madeleine ( marie gignac ) , an art student studying in montreal who has fallen in love with her professor , jacques ( lapage ) .
one day , he disappears , and , fearing that he left because she was undeserving of his love , madeleine travels to venice to kill herself .
while preparing to commit suicide , she encounters drug addict constance ( celine bonnier ) , who causes madeleine to re-think her decision .
meanwhile , jacques has moved to new york city , where he starts cross-dressing , calls himself jennifer , and becomes a successful counter-culture talkshow host .
with settings that shift from paris to venice to montreal to manhattan to scotland , supporting characters that include a topless goddess and a deaf/mute , and cultural references that point to chopin , george sand , and jim morrison , tectonic plates is unique , if nothing else .
however , as interesting as the film sounds ( and i was excited to see it because the synopsis is promising ) , it never really delivers .
the tone is soporific , the supposedly-intellectual prattle is inane and uninteresting , the plot meanders in a pointless and irritating manner ( although it doesn't take long for the viewer to determine that the story is largely unimportant ) , and the symbolism is obvious .
tectonic plates is trying to show that human interaction is as volatile as unpredictable as the shifting of the earth , but it takes one-hundred minutes to get across this transparent point .
there are some worthwhile moments , such as a silly sword fight between jacques and the topless goddess and an entertaining discussion in both french and english about the differences between the two languages ( although the fine points will certainly be lost on those who aren't bilingual ) .
the only people likely to enjoy tectonic plates are those who feel a strong need to praise something this rootless and boring because ( a ) it's different , ( b ) it's not like anything they've seen before , and ( c ) it's pretentious .
for everyone else , it's not only a waste of time , but a poor introduction to the work of robert lapage .
| 0 | 74 |
" book " should have remained in shadows
book of shadows : blair witch 2
a film review by michael redman copyright 2000 by michael redman
certain things in our lives are inevitable .
death , sorrow , love , heartbreak , pain , joy .
we expect these events .
we know they're going to happen and some , we even look forward to .
it's part of the human condition .
we have also become accustomed to inevitable occurrences in our society .
as we near the fall election , several of them are hitting us in the face .
politicians exaggerate their own importance .
our side is always right ; theirs is always wrong .
in the end , voters are usually forced to choose the lesser of two whocares .
in hollywood the one indisputable inevitable is that if a film makes big money , there will be a sequel .
even if the original story doesn't merit one .
even if the first film is complete in itself .
even if success is a fluke .
" the blair witch project " was made with a budget of $1 . 75 and exploded on the screen , raking in huge profits .
the concept was brilliant .
the filmmakers created a remarkable buzz that the story might be real .
the film itself was even more convincing .
the movie _must_ be authentic .
why else would such amateurish footage be on the big screen ?
the first film caught lightning in a bottle .
the sequel proves you can't pour that old lightning into a new bottle .
you have to give this effort some credit .
it would have been easy to have made the same movie again with a new group of kids .
it would have been easy , but of course , it wouldn't have worked .
instead " book of shadows " acknowledges the first film as a movie and concentrates on the hysteria following its release .
it's a great scheme and possibly the only entertaining way to do a sequel .
unfortunately it doesn't work either .
five kids spend the night in the woods at the scene of the first film .
weird stuff happens and they retreat to an old factory where one of them lives .
even weirder stuff happens .
some people die , there's blood and knives and none of the characters have a lick of common sense .
while supposedly doing serious research , the group sets up a circle of surveillance cameras in the ruins of the old house in the woods and vows to stay alert all night awaiting a visitation .
then they proceed to get totally trashed on drugs and alcohol and party down with very loud , very obnoxious heavy metal music .
it's a bad plan .
the cast shows some early promise .
a couple is doing research on a " blair witch " book .
the tour guide is a former mental patient turned ebay aficionado .
a goth amazon princess adds a bit of comedic relief .
the obligatory hot babe is the 2000 spiritual cinematic descendent of the cute hippie chick , the cute rock and roll chick and the cute disco chick : the cute wiccan chick .
the first film's unaccomplished actors came across as real people in a real situation because hours and hours of video were shot during days in the woods .
this time , these unaccomplished actors just come across as unaccomplished actors .
there's not one character you care about when they start shouting for no reason .
although what passes for a plot starts out with a solid idea , it's ruined by poor execution .
the follow-up to one of the most successful horror films ever is nothing more than a bad slasher movie .
they're trapped in an old big weird house .
they stupidly separate into various rooms .
there are strange noises , they see scary apparitions and people disappear .
ever see this movie ?
seasoned documentary director joe berlinger should know better .
the film features mostly cheap tricks and unnecessary gore .
for a storyline filled with surprises , it's oddly predicable .
" the blair witch project " was a rare triumph of style over substance .
" the book of shadows " is a triumph of tedium over promise .
| 0 | 239 |
a few months before the release of star wars episode 1 , the phantom menace , 20th century fox decides to release another space film , that is a complete rip off of star wars .
what is the point of this ?
i do not know , but i wish it hadn't been done , considering wing commander is definitely the year's worst film so far .
to attract people to this horrible movie , they attached the full trailer for the phantom menace .
wing commander will draw large crowds , because this is the only film where you can find the phantom menace full trailer attached at this time .
the trailer for the phantom menace was certainly the best part of the movie experience i had tonight .
many people do not know that wing commander is based on a star wars computer game .
i found this very interesting , considering this fact almost says that wing commander is a star wars movie .
it is nowhere near the level of the star wars films though .
freddie prinze jr . stars in the film as christopher blair .
wing commander was a huge mistake for freddie .
this was definitely his worst performance to date .
after january's she's all that , i actually saw a good actor in freddie , but now all those visions have been crushed .
( for now anyway . )
christopher blair is a pilot who is a part of the battle to stop the kilrathi , a group that is trying to destroy the earth .
blair's parents also fought in the space battles , and also died there .
his parents were pilgrims , so many people disrespect him because of this .
blair is under the command of " angel " , played by saffron burrows , and he is friends with another pilot , todd " maniac marshall " , played by matthew lillard .
matthew lillard seems to play the same role in every movie , and he does in this one too .
his character as stu in 1996's scream ( a+ ) , was a great one , but now , it seems like that same role is being played again , only in a space movie .
the three are just a small part of a large group trying to stop the kilrathi before they take over earth .
this plot is very flimsy , and doesn't give a whole lot to work with at all .
this explains why wing commander drags on , seeming like there is no point to any of the events that are going on .
the acting is horrible in wing commander .
many lines seem out of place , and are completely meaningless .
the acting and dialogue was so terrible , i even found myself laughing at it .
the other things which are very bad about wing commander are the special effects and the music .
the special effects are very unrealistic .
when looking at two ships flying side by side , it is simple to tell they are hanging and a blue screen is behind them .
the explosions look very unrealistic as well .
a ship will be blown up , but there will only be fire present four about one half of a second .
this is very unrealistic .
music pretty much accompanies the film the entire time .
the music also felt like video game music , and it was very corny and annoying sounding .
after we are given the plot , the film repeats itself for another hour , without any plot twists , interesting scenes , or anything important to the film .
blair is forced to make jumps over other planets , and he must also fight against the kilrathi aircraft .
for the entire length of the movie , it takes place in space .
it is truly like you are in a video game , because you are just watching people shoot at each other in ships for a long , extended period of time .
it's not much fun to watch at all .
if i wanted to watch people shoot at each other in ships , i would go watch star wars at home .
at least star wars pays attention to people , myth , feelings , and has some real plot to it .
the bottom line- bring on the phantom menace 20th century fox !
| 0 | 929 |
i'm not really sure what to think about " crash . "
on the surface , it's a cold , boring , unerotic porn with name starts , a name director , and some cool camerawork .
i mean , it left me completely bored , unsatisfied , and generally kinda weirded out .
but then again , not every film's supposed to leave you entertained .
" crash " is structured to play like a porn flick , but with significantly more plot and dialogue .
while we see several extremely taboo scenes of weirdo sex , we also have a skimpy little plot going on ( mostly towards the beginning ) , and maybe just a hair of characterization .
not to mention the acting is generally pretty good , and we don't really see a lot of the actors completely exposed .
but what makes it supremely different from a porn is the fact that this is not an erotic experience .
this film does not posess the erotic hypnotism of " henry and june " or the just plain horniness of , say , " deep throat " ( not that i've seen it ) .
if one was to be made completely hot by this film , it would probably mean they were also into the whole " auto eroticism " thing .
the film leaves you cold erotically ( and maybe in many other ways ) , but what it does is present a group of people who live on the edge .
the film opens up on a woman , catherine ( deborah kara ungar , of " the game " ) , pressing her bare breast up against a car in a public air hangar .
suddenly , a man enters the frame and begins to take her from behind ( the film doesnt' show all this though , even if it is nc-17 ) .
the next scene has a film director , james ( james spader ) , having sex with a camera woman ( alice poon ) in an office on the highly-populated set of his movie .
the next scene has the two coming together , revealing to us that they're husband and wife , and them sharing in one another's escapades .
while the two are arguably freaky people , we at least know they love to live on the edge .
soon afterwards , james is driving down the road at night , reclessly of course ( he's reading something ) , when he drifts into the other lane , and then hits another car face on .
james is not killed , but the passenger in the other car flies into his seat ( obviously dying ) , leaving the driver , helen remington ( holly hunter - in a porn ? ) , also alive .
the two go through therapy together , and when getting out , they run into eachother again .
when james gives her a ride home , they almost get into another accident , and immeadiately afterwards , they go to an unbusy parking lot , and have a little quickie , as they were aroused by the accident .
you wouldn't think there would be many people who shared this same kind of fetish , but they run into a freaky guy named vaughan ( elias kosteas ) and his crutch-carrying girlfriend , gabrielle ( rosanna arquette ) , who are also into it .
vaughan is into living on the edge as they are , but he takes it to another level : he loves to recreate famous car crashes .
in one scene , he and a friend , colin seagrave ( peter macneill ) recreate james dean's car crash without any padding or safety belts , and suffer some concussions , but nevertheless get a rush ( and the attention of the police ) .
soon , these five are all having sex with one another , be it straight , gay , or lesbian sex .
while this is admittingly all a bit comical ( the film is almost like a black comedy ) , the film does do a pretty awesome portrayal of people who's main fetish is living on the edge .
i'm sure somewhere there are people who get aroused by car accidents , but i personally don't see a connection between car crashes and sex .
the main connection cronenberg shows us that both give a definite rush .
his car crash scenes are quick and exciting mini-masterpieces : we're at first not sure if they'll take place , but everytime it looks like it may occur , we gasp .
then when it happens , we hold our breath .
the same thing happens with sex , although not in the same fashion .
these people are merely taking it to another level .
the only problem with the film is that it's a tad redundant .
a normal porn lasts from an hour to an hour and a half .
this goes on for about 100 minutes , and it just seems a little too long .
the sex and car crashes are far between one another , and the time between them are a tad on the boring side .
there's no characterization , although it could definitely be argued , that hey , it's a porn , and we're not here to sympathize .
but still , they coulda cut it down a bit .
but the film is saved with its presentation , as well as some other elements .
the atmosphere is very dark and forboding , creating a kind of cool weird feeling .
and there are several scenes are just amazing .
one scene has catherine and james having sex , while she softly asks him questions about being with a man , which sounds almost erotic the way she says it .
a sequence involving one character's death is filled with all the edgy disjointment that the film needs .
and the final shot is shot perfectly , creating an image of a car crash , and a couple having sex in front of it , despite the fact that she's wounded .
the acting is also pretty good , especially for what is almost a porn ( ousting linda lovelace as best actress in a porn ) .
while james spader is pretty boring ( he's usually pretty intense ) , deborah kara ungar is amazing .
she speaks all her words in almost zombie-like hushes , and when she's having sex , she has a blank look on her face , not showing the viewer whether she's enjoying it or not .
in one scene , she actually looks dead while someone is having sex with her .
holly hunter , who gets extra credit just for appearing in something like this , is pretty good , and so is rosanna arquette ( who adds a kinda cool kinkiness to her role ) .
but the film is stolen by elias kosteas who plays his character so intensely that he almost upstages everyone .
he often speaks as he is out of breath , showing a definite affinity for his way of life .
he has a great deal of energy in several scenes , especially one scene where he's taking photographs of a picture , and a later scene where he's getting a freaky tatoo .
he and spader share sexual chemistry in several scenes , foreshadowing a later scene .
kosteas is a little known actor ( his biggest role was casey jones in " teenage mutant ninja turtles " ) , but here he shows a deniro-like presence , hinting that he's capable of bigger roles .
while i hardly enjoyed " crash , " it's still a pretty intriguing portrayal of a group of people who , if the exist , are some of the strangest and most bizarre people in the world .
these people are able to share a rush between two completely different entities , and the film , which doesn't exactly pain them in a negative light , is sucessful in bringing them to light , even if it leaves the viewer unnerved and generally freaked out .
despite the hardcore nature of the film and the subsequent nc-17 rating ( there's also an r-rated version , but i wouldn't even go near that thing ) , anyone looking for a quick turn-on should just rent a regular porno .
| 1 | 1,102 |
adam sandler isn't known for appearing in deep , thought-provoking films , but he's still a really funny guy .
most of his movies are successful not because of the film making behind them , but because they let sandler do what he does best without a stupid plot to drown him out .
big daddy is the first film in which the story seems more important than sandler's comic performance , and it's a miserable failure .
sandler plays a thirty-something loser who gets attached to an orphaned young boy ( played by cole and dylan sprouse ) .
as one might expect from the synopsis , director dennis dugan resorts to the usual bag of manipulative and sentimental sequences , including a repulsive courtroom battle and a lot of teary scenes in which characters say " good-bye " to one another ; in addition , there's a ridiculous amount of disgusting toilet humor ( urine and vomit both get more screen time than sandler himself ) .
there's a hilarious running joke featuring a female doctor who previously worked at hooters , and the film features passable performances from sandler , joey lauren adams ( as the love interest ) , and the two young boys , but the film on the whole is trite and disappointingly unfunny .
| 0 | 905 |
and i thought " stigmata " would be the worst religiously-oriented thriller released this year .
turns out i was wrong , because while " stigmata " was merely boring and self-important , " end of days " is completely inept on all fronts .
it's a silly , incomprehensible , endlessly stupid mess .
for a guy like me who grew up watching arnold schwarzenegger at his best , it's extremely disconcerting to see where the big man has ended up .
for the first time in recent memory , an arnold action movie ( and " batman & robin " doesn't count ) is no fun at all .
" end of days " is a major stinker .
the movie opens in vatican city , 1979 .
some catholic priests have observed an ancient prophecy , which says that a girl will be born on that night that satan will have targeted for impregnation .
if he impregnates her between 11 and midnight on december 31 , 1999 , the world will be destroyed .
the pope orders protection of this girl , though some priests believe she ought to be killed .
in new york , that very night , a girl is born to fulfill the prophecy .
twenty years later , we meet jericho cane ( schwarzenegger ) , a suicidal ex-cop with a drinking problem .
now working as a security guard for hire , he is protecting a local businessman ( gabriel byrne ) , who is actually possessed by the devil .
an assassination attempt on the businessman by a crazed former priest leads him to the girl satan is after , christine york ( robin tunney ) .
recognizing elements of his own murdered daughter in christine ( including ownership of the same music box , apparently ) , jericho swears to protect her against the devil and the faction of priests looking to kill her .
there are so many problems with this film it's hard to know where to begin , but how about starting with the concept ?
casting arnold in a role like this was a mistake to begin with .
schwarzenegger is a persona , not an actor , so putting him in a role that contradicts his usual strong personality is a bad idea .
arnold has neither the dramatic range nor the speaking ability to pull off a character tormented by conflicting emotions .
in other words , trying to give him dimension was a mistake .
harrison ford , mel gibson , or even bruce willis could have played this role ( they've all played noble and flawed heroes ) , but not schwarzenegger .
there are several scenes that attempt to establish jericho's character ; one has him contemplating suicide , another crying over the loss of his wife and daughter , and even one in which the devil tries to tempt him into revealing christine's location by offering him his old life back .
none of these scenes really work , because arnie isn't up to the task .
the filmmakers would have been better off making jericho a strong , confident character ( like the terminator , for example ) , the likes of which schwarzenegger has excelled in before .
this one isn't at all believable the way arnold plays him .
the supporting cast tries their hardest , and only gabriel byrne makes any impact at all .
as the prince of darkness , he's suave and confident .
he acts like one would expect the devil to act .
the problem is that the script has him doing things that make no sense ( more on that later ) and that undermines him as a powerful villain .
byrne out-performs arnold in every scene they have together ( including the aforementioned temptation bit ) , but this is problematic when it causes the audience to start doing the unthinkable : root for the devil .
byrne's speech about the bible being " overrated " actually starts to make sense , mainly because arnold's attempts at refuting it ( mostly of the " 'tis not ! "
variety ) are feeble at best .
the only problem is , arnold has to win , so in the end , nobody really cares .
kevin pollack plays jericho's security guard sidekick and tries to liven things up with some comic asides , but like most bad action movie sidekicks , he disappears after about an hour .
robin tunney isn't given much to do except look scared .
in fact , all of the supporting players are good actors , but none , save for byrne , is given anything interesting to do .
performances aside , it would be really hard to enjoy this film no matter who starred in it .
this being an action blockbuster , it's no surprise that the worst thing about it is the script , which starts off totally confusing , and when some of it is explained ( and not much of it is ) , it's utterly ridiculous .
why is the devil coming on new year's eve , 1999 ?
because it's exactly 1000 years after the year of the devil , which isn't 666 , it turns out .
some nutty priest accidentally read it upside down , so the real year is 999 , so just add a 1 to the beginning , and you've got 1999 !
if you don't buy this explanation , you're not alone .
it's convoluted and silly at the same time .
the method by which jericho locates christine york is equally ludicrous ( she's christine , see , and she lives in new york , see .
.
. ) , and if that weren't bad enough , there's plenty of bothersome stuff in this film that isn't explained at all .
why can satan kill everyone he passes on the street , but when it comes to snuffing out one drunk ex-cop , he's powerless ?
is he impervious to only one kind of bullet ?
how come he can't control jericho or christine ?
and how did those gregorian monks deal with time zones in their prophecies ?
a clumsy attempt at a joke is made about this , but it's never actually explained .
usually , this sort of thing wouldn't matter in a schwarzenegger flick ( i mean , don't get me started on the time paradoxes offered up by the terminator movies ) , but this time the plot inconsistencies stand out even more than usual because the action is rarely exciting .
there are several predictable horror film clich ? s present in " end of days , " complete with the old " black cat hiding in a cabinet " bit , not that we ever find out what the cat was doing in there .
it gets so formulaic that it's possible for those uninterested in being scared to close their eyes at the precise moment a " boo " will come .
their predictions will rarely be wrong .
the more grandiose action sequences are utterly charmless , partially because we don't care about these characters ( due to the script's pathetic attempts at characterization and setup ) , and also because they , too , don't make any sense .
there's a scene where schwarzenegger gets thrown around a room by a little old lady .
it's good for a few chuckles , but not much else .
supposedly we're to believe she now has super strength by virtue of being controlled by satan , but the script never sets that up , so the scene is merely silly .
none of this is terribly exciting , because all the action sequences are so badly framed that it's often hard to tell why it's happening in the first place , not to mention that they're edited in full-on incomprehensible mtv quick-cut style .
most of them had me scratching my head , rather than saying , " wow , cool ! "
" end of days " is not only silly and confusing , but it's also distinctly unpleasant to watch .
the devil apparently doesn't operate in the more subtle , i'll-convince-people-to-kill-each-other fashion outlined in the bible , but instead enjoys killing people gruesomely in broad daylight .
this doesn't only make him an awfully predictable sort , but it also means that not a single scene in " end of days " goes by without unnecessarily graphic violence , or the odd kinky sexual encounter ( yet another bit that had me scratching my head ) .
if violence is supposed to be shocking , it's not a good idea to throw so much of it into a movie that the audience goes numb .
scenes aren't connected through any reasonable means , so a lot of the time , stuff gets blown up , or people get killed , and i had no idea why .
reasons ?
to hell with reasons !
let's just blow stuff up !
isn't it cool ?
nope , not by a long shot .
this film is thoroughly unwatchable .
it's dull , interminable , and unrelenting in its stupidity .
perhaps arnold needs to make some movies with james cameron to revive his career , because it's not happening with hack peter hyams here .
" end of days " might have had camp value , if only it didn't top itself off with an overly pious ending that nobody's going to buy .
if the movie is going to be serious , the filmmakers should have come up with a decent script .
if it's going to be campy , arnold shouldn't be taking himself so damn seriously ( i didn't actually see him put up on a cross , did i ? ) , and his character shouldn't be such a sad sack .
as it stands , " end of days " is just a bad movie , and an awfully gloomy one at that .
| 0 | 702 |
if anything , " stigmata " should be taken as a warning against releasing similarly-themed films relatively close to one another .
of the four supernatural horror flicks released this year , it is clearly the worst .
i suppose i should have seen this coming .
after all , " blair witch " thoroughly creeped me out , " sixth sense " was mildly spooky , and then " stir of echoes " had its moments , but wasn't anything i'd lose sleep over .
clearly , the quality of the horror this summer has slowly been dropping .
is it then any surprise that " stigmata " is the dullest , most horribly executed piece of mtv-influenced tripe i have seen in a long while ?
no , not really .
patricia arquette plays frankie page , a hairdresser from pittsburgh who receives a rosary as a gift from her globe-trotting mother .
as it turns out , the rosary belonged to a recently-deceased brazilian priest .
the priest's church had been under investigation by father andrew kiernan ( gabriel byrne ) because of the mysterious appearance of a bleeding statue .
father kiernan is an investigator who has made a career out of disproving supposed religious signs , but this time he believes there is something to the bleeding statue .
his investigation is soon called off , however , when the frankie starts exhibiting signs of the stigmata , in which a person is inflicted with wounds like that of jesus christ .
father kiernan is initially skeptical of frankie' s story , considering she's an atheist , but once he witnesses the stigmata attacks himself , he dedicates himself to finding out what is going on .
he eventually begins to suspect that his boss , cardinal houseman ( jonathan pryce ) , is concealing something that could bring down the catholic church .
as it turns out , the dead priest had been working on the translation of a " fifth gospel " before they were excommunicated .
the new rupert wainwright music video .
.
.
i mean film " stigmata " is the sort of film that starts off ok and only gets worse .
indeed , it would have been good if it were a music video , because it's only interesting for about five minutes .
i'm not sure what wainwright is trying to prove with his endless parade of slow-motion , double-exposure , and extreme close-ups ( whoaaaaaa ! ! ! ! ) , other than the fact that he has the most swelled head of any director in hollywood and , yes , he has been to film school .
his camera trickery is interesting for a little while , but eventually , it becomes headache-inducing .
what this film needed is a second audio track to be played over the dialogue ( such as it is ) , with wainwright screaming at the audience , " see ?
look at what i can do !
i'm an ex-cellent dir-ect-or . "
maybe then he'd explain why he decided to start half of his scenes with slow-motion shots of water dripping in reverse , or why he included random superfluous shots as that of an egg frying ( ooh , scary ! ) .
if there was some underlying meaning behind all this camera trickery , i didn't see it .
just when you thought it was safe to get involved in the story , here comes a double-exposure shot of two patricia arquettes collapsing into bed for no reason whatsoever .
arrrrrrrghhhh .
.
.
then again , the superfluous camera trickery wouldn't bother me if " stigmata " had a story or characters that were remotely engaging .
though wainwright's vanity certainly doesn't help , he does seem to have been given a nearly unworkable script .
where are plot continuity and character development when you need them ?
case in point : frankie page is the character that ( i assume ) we are supposed to identify and sympathize with , but we aren't given any back story on her character , or any reason to like her .
the extent of her character development seems to be that she is a hard-working hairdresser ( who can somehow afford a cavernous apartment on the top floor of her building ) and she's kind of cute , so let's start the bleeding !
the fact that she's clearly not the brightest bulb in the drawer doesn't help , either .
according to frankie page , what is the first thing to do after receiving mysterious wounds on your wrists and back ?
go clubbing !
sure , that makes sense .
arquette , byrne , and pryce give it the old college try , but their characters are so one-dimensional that they just appear to be sleepwalking .
scenes between arquette and byrne that were probably supposed to be sexually charged fall almost embarrassingly flat , because the setup of the romantic subplot is so clumsily handled that it almost reaches the point of becoming laughable .
even though frankie page's life is falling apart before her very eyes , she still finds the time to hit on a priest who wanders in to her hair salon .
even more curiously , he seems to be interested in her advances .
father andrew's religious doubt pops up so suddenly that it seems more silly than dramatic .
as for pryce , he may as well wear a curled mustache and cackle , " i'll get you , my pretty , " for all the depth his cardinal houseman is afforded .
trust me , i'm not revealing anything by telling you pryce turns out to be a villain .
what's worse , after being faced with dull characters and the prospect of having annoying camera tricks and loud music jammed down our throats , we now have to contend with a story that starts off in one direction , veers off in another , then another , and ends up being totally incomprehensible .
first of all , the film doesn't even bother to explain what should be very simple plot details . how does frankie get the stigmata merely by touching a rosary ?
how come an atheist like her was chosen , since father andrew mentions that only very devout believers have ever received stigmata ?
actually , i'm not sure what frankie was posessed by .
supposedly , stigmata occurs when one is posessed by the holy spirit , but the film later has her being posessed by the dead priest , and later by some evil spirit ( i think ) .
which one is it ?
the answer to this question , of course , is very simple : the possessing entity in each scene is determined by whichever effects and flashy camera work mr . wainwright wants to use this time .
furthermore , the ending is a ridiculously neat little wrap-up , and the filmmakers compound this problem by ultimately turning the film into a diatribe against the catholic church .
if you do any research at all about the gospel of st . thomas , you'll find that it is not being suppressed by the church ( as the film seems to claim ) , but that it is readily available at your local library .
there's nothing the catholics need to worry about , though .
" stigmata's " religion is so off-base that it can't be confused for anything remotely resembling the real catholic church .
if they wanted to portray catholic priests as mobsters , they should have gone all-out and equipped them with sharkskin suits and tommy guns , which would have been far more interesting .
i'm not catholic ; in fact , i don 't care much for the catholic church , but its cartoonish misrepresentation in this film should not be considered realistic by any means .
it's rare to see a film that fails on as many levels as " stigmata " does .
it' s not thought-provoking , though it would like to be , and it is definitely not scary , though it pretends to be .
i'm not sure why they tried to pass this off as a horror film , because there is absolutely nothing scary about the story .
maybe it's an attempt to cover up the fact that none of the scenes have any dramatic weight whatsoever .
the initial shock of seeing arquette covered with blood is dulled by the fact that it happens over , and over , and over .
like so many films of the mtv generation , this one suffers from overkill .
so much is overdone in " stigmata , " that it eventually has no effect on the audience , leaving us to pick out the film's ( many ) flaws .
i'm also still trying to figure out why the quotation they take from the gospel of st . thomas is so earth-shattering .
when we finally hear it , the saying sounds like something every five-year-old learns on their first day of sunday school , which means that for all its flash , the whole film is really much ado about nothing .
the dog days of summer usually produce one monstrous dog , and " stigmata " is it .
| 0 | 567 |
depending on who you ask , the original sin was either the eating of the apple , the act of disobedience against god , or the act of betrayal .
but in case you didn't know this , don't bother remembering it . . .
the words " original sin " never come up in the movie of the same name , let alone the concept of it .
the closest the film even gets to catholicism is in its narrative ( the story is told by angelina jolie to her priest while on death row in cuba , circa 1900 ) .
regardless of its senseless title , original sin does actually have a plot ( albeit one of the most mangled acts of screenwriting since the art of war , based on the book waltz across darkness ) .
boy ( antionio banderas ) places personal ad sometime around 1900 , searching for a wife .
since this is a century ago , we narrowly dodge a remake of green card , only to find that the girl ( jolie ) faked her photo and is actually beautiful .
skipping a few moderately useless sex scenes ( getting the question out of the way , yes , we get to see angelina jolie's breasts again ) , the girl turns out to be a con artist , swindles boy for his money , and heads for the hills .
original sin then briefly tries to be a thriller .
we see boy go whore-chasing , saying he wants to find girl and kill her .
but as soon as boy actually finds girl , instead of following what might have been a promising ( or at least not completely fucking boring ) thriller , the film degenerates into the worst dissection of the virgin/whore complex since milk money .
girl toys with the idea of reforming her con-girl past , all the while avoiding the " other man , " a lover that keeps making her start these scams in the first place .
add insult to injury with some of the worst stylistic choices in cinematic history ( literally half of the film is either in slow motion or uses a strobe effect ) , and acting roughly the caliber of a b . b . gun , and original sin is one of the most torturous films of the summer , definitely front running to make my bottom ten of the year .
don't even bother with original sin , but if you do go , be honest with yourself and admit its pure sex appeal .
just keep in mind that although this film may not be the most original on the block , it's much worse than a sin .
this is sacrilege .
| 0 | 484 |
there may not be a critic alive who harbors as much affection for shlock monster movies as i do .
i delighted in the sneaky-smart entertainment of ron underwood's big-underground-worm yarn tremors ; i even giggled at last year's critically-savaged big-underwater-snake yarn anaconda .
something about these films causes me to lower my inhibitions and return to the saturday afternoons of my youth , spent in the company of ghidrah , the creature from the black lagoon and the blob .
deep rising , a big-undersea-serpent yarn , doesn't quite pass the test .
sure enough , all the modern monster movie ingredients are in place : a conspicuously multi-ethnic/multi-national collection of bait . . . excuse
me , characters ; an isolated location , here a derelict cruise ship in the south china sea ; some comic relief ; a few cgi-enhanced gross-outs ; and at least one big explosion .
there are too-cheesy-to-be-accidental elements , like a sleazy shipping magnate ( anthony heald ) who also appears to have a doctorate in marine biology , or a slinky international jewel thief ( famke janssen ) whose white cotton tank top hides a heart of gold .
as it happens , deep rising is noteworthy primarily for the mechanical manner in which it spits out all those ingredients .
a terrorist crew , led by squinty-eyed mercenary hanover ( wes studi ) and piloted by squinty-eyed boat captain finnegan ( treat williams ) , shows up to loot the cruise ship ; the sea monsters show up to eat the mercenary crew ; a few survivors make it to the closing credits .
and up go the lights .
it's hard to work up much enthusiasm for this sort of joyless film-making , especially when a monster moview should make you laugh every time it makes you scream .
here , the laughs are provided almost entirely by kevin j . o'connor , generally amusing as the crew's fraidy-cat mechanic .
writer/director stephen sommers seems most concerned with creating a tone of action-horror menace -- something over-populated with gore-drenched skeletons , something where the gunfire and special effects are taken a bit too seriously .
deep rising is missing that one unmistakable cue that we're expected to have a ridiculous good time , not hide our eyes .
case it point , comparing deep rising to its recent cousin anaconda .
in deep rising , one of the creature's victims is regurgitated back into view , partially digested and still alive .
he shrieks in horror at his freakish appearance and pain , in a moment a bit too disturbing to be laughable .
in anaconda , we also see a regurgitated victim , partially digested and still alive .
he looks at another character . . . and
winks .
make no mistake , deep rising has anaconda beat all to heck when it comes to technical proficiency and pacing .
it's also gloomy , uninspired and not nearly enough fun .
i don't ask much of my monster movies , but i do ask that they act like monster movies .
you don't have to show me a fantastically impressive , massive beast with tentacles a-flailing .
just show me the massive beast burping , and i'll figure you get the point .
| 0 | 666 |
* this review contains spoilers * as with most of her films , director amy heckerling's latest , loser , seesaws between unpleasant and artificial , and is sometimes both at once .
when she tackles big issues , such as abortion in fast times at ridgemont high , it's impossible to tell whether she's being matter-of-fact or glib about them ( they carry an almost documentary starkness ) , but whatever the case , she continually refuses to comment politically .
such is the sitcom tendency of her work : to jeopardize the innocence of her characters and then hit the reset button .
this fear of drama soured me on fast times . . . , look who's talking , clueless , and now loser , in which ms . heckerling also demonstrates , for the first time , zero affinity for the milieu .
has anyone , for instance , ever met a girl in the stylistic vein of mena suvari's dora ?
attired in black thrift , her eye shadow smeared to racoon chic and her bangy red hair barely contained by girlish clips , she accepts the label of goth , but no self-respecting goth girl ever admitted to digging , as dora does , those geriatric rockers everclear , nor willingly went anywhere with a six-pack-wielding fratboy stranger .
the mechanics of loser's tired old introvert-boy-falls-for-extrovert-girl plot drive its protagonists into cultural non-specificity , so that they become even less than stereotypes .
they become walking wardrobes .
small-town transplant paul ( a strangely static jason biggs ) , our eponymous hero , always wears his woolly hunter's cap with flaps covering the ears , and beneath it rests a parted moptop that couldn't scream " shemp " ( the lame stooge ) wig louder .
he has three smug-looking roommates ( the one-dimensional trio is not supposed to be brothers , but they share similar facial features , including and especially mouths ) , and their fashion sense is incomprehensibly glam .
though they're not overtly transvestites , heckerling seems to be equating flamboyance with villainy ; how very cruising of her .
( the dormies conspire to evict paul and regularly molest women they have drugged .
dora ignorantly downs one of their date rape potions .
unfortunately , either heckerling or the studio is too cowardly to admit if she was subsequently violated . )
when paul rescues dora from said narcotic scare , he learns that she is dating their unctuous european lit professor edward alcott ( superb greg kinnear ) .
although paul's already in love with dora by this point , as is bound to happen to losers when pretty girls address them by name , he gets altruistic and pretends the flowers he bought her are actually from alcott .
she's thrilled , but nevertheless spends a few days at paul's to recuperate ; the two bond over emergency kitten surgery and a broadway play ( " cabaret " ) , and just when paul's got in his head that she's starting to love him back in that non-friendly way , she decides to become alcott's live-in girlfriend .
cue precious hommage to the graduate , shots of paul drifting around berkeley--er . . .
( aside : simon & garfunkel's " parsley , sage , rosemary & thyme " should never have been allowed in another motion picture . )
heckerling has a lot in common with nora " you've got mail " ephron , the only other prominent chick directing comedies today , in that neither has any use for strong-willed women .
men continue to trod on dora until the bitter end ( in the final scene , she gives paul a big smooch after he blurts out his feelings in what amounts to a creepy ultimatum ) , and dora ultimately shrugs off being drugged against her will--mere hours after paul hints to her that she was poisoned , she's cheerily redecorating his apartment .
( heckerling is so laissez-faire about the issue in general that she reserves the comeuppance of the would-be rapists for jokey epilogue titles . )
goth veneer aside , there are an awful lot of girls out there who behave as erratically as dora , and enough angry young dude filmmakers to make movies about them .
heckerling misses her shot at having dora transform herself into a role model , and while such arcs may not be heckerling's social responsibility , it is a privilege i would have taken advantage of if i were in her shoes .
( consider , too , that dora is the film's sole female principal . )
not that loser is worth contemplating this seriously--god knows heckerling didn't .
that is her hallmark .
( --- for more first-run , dvd , and books-about-movies reviews , plus contests and the proverbial " more ! " ,
visit 'film freak central , ' @ http : //filmfreakcentral . net
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| 0 | 775 |
scream 2 , like its predecessor , is a genre-crossing film .
it is about 50% horror film and 50% murder mystery .
the mix worked very well last time and it continues to entertain this time .
scream was also known for its self-referential tone .
many inside jokes were made in reference to horror movies and wes craven .
again , scream 2 follows suit with characters saying such things as " sequels suck " and " the entire horror genre was destroyed by sequels . "
scream 2's story is very similar to it's predecessor's .
sidney ( neve campbell ) , having survived the killing spree in scream , is now in college .
gale weathers ( courteney cox ) has written a book about the murders and that book is now being released as a feature film , called stab ( which for all practical purposes is the real-world movie scream ) .
at the premiere of stab , two students from sidney's college are stabbed to death , and a new story begins .
the press descends on sidney and her college to get the scoop on this sequel killer .
they want to know all about the links between stab , sidney , and the recent murders .
the most complex self-reference i saw ( this should be an olympic event ) was the scene where gale weathers was asking questions at a press conference .
the rest of the press was watching and videotaping weathers .
the other survivors from scream were watching and videotaping the press .
the audience was watching the whole , filmed scene .
( whew . )
the movie is packed with layers and self-references that make it a pleasure to watch .
even better would be to watch a double feature of scream and scream 2 . that's not to say that these references necessarily make scream 2 a deep , or even a good movie .
the just add to the fun of watching it .
i recommend it for other reasons as well .
what i liked best about the horror aspect of the movie is that the monster is not supernatural .
no werewolf or ghost or psycho with superhuman strength is responsible .
it is a person in a mask and a robe , his only advantage the fear he strikes into his victims .
no extraordinary leap of faith is needed to believe in the killer .
the down side is that if you are frightened by horror movies , you have less grounds to say " it's just a movie . "
the whodunit aspect of the movie is not that great by itself - gale weathers and deputy dewey ( david arquette , also from the original ) track down a killer .
they are likeable , but not outstanding .
but in combination with the horror aspect , the whodunit is a perfect counterpoint .
it was exactly a year ago today that i wrote the review for scream .
the internet movie database says that scream 3 is in the works , so i wonder if i'll be doing the same thing on january 1 , 1999 .
if craven and screenwriter kevin williamson are able to keep the quality high , i'll be happy to mark my calendar .
| 1 | 1,756 |
if you don't think kevin kline in drag is funny , wait ? til you see will smith in drag-it's even less funny .
by the time jim west ( smith ) disguised himself as a belly dancer to bail his captured comrade , artemus gordon ( kline ) , from the clutches of evil dr . loveless ( branagh ) , i was unequivocally bored by wild wild west , the new summer blockbuster from men in black director barry sonnenfeld .
is the old west really a breeding ground for high comedy , anyway ?
( if your answer is no , then you recall rustler's rhapsody or back to the future part iii ; if your answer is yes , you're thinking of blazing saddles , but that movie was a parody of the western genre , not a nineteenth century romp . )
1869 . jim west is a quick-draw lawman who teams up with brainiac federal agent gordon , under orders from president grant ( kline again , whose impression , for all we know , is dead-on ) , to apprehend legless loveless , the mad inventor who is plotting to divvy up the united states and sell it back to britain and spain .
how will loveless accomplish this ?
well , by hulking around the desert in an enormous , mechanical tarantula , of course .
bosomy dance hall girl rita escobar ( hayek ) , whose scientist father was kidnapped by loveless , joins west and gordon on their gadget-filled train .
( gordon first discovers rita in a cage , waiting to be rescued . )
racial politics obviously prevented the filmmakers from pairing dull rita romantically with west , despite the movie's " hip " attitude toward the black thing .
( west automatically shoots anyone who calls him a " nigger " before that person can finish speaking the word .
super . )
at any rate , i kept waiting for rita to say something humourous , but she's a walking dress-up toy .
( her single comic moment is also the best shot of the film : she bashfully reveals bare bumcheeks through the peek-a-boo flap of her pyjamas . )
jim west is the role that finally stymied will smith , whose comic timing has always been hit or miss , as episodes of " the fresh prince of bel-air " demonstrate .
smith's a better reactor than actor , which is why he was so thoroughly engaging in men in black-he didn't start out a hero .
in wild wild west he's required to exude eastwood cool and amuse at the same time ( and from frame one ) , a difficult feat i'm not sure any living performer could pull off .
smith is ill equipped , for example , to handle the moment in which jim west performs stand-up for some rednecks at his own hanging .
what attracted sonnenfeld to this material ?
this isn't the first time he has adapted a tv show for the big screen ( the addams family , anyone ? ) , but it's the first big stinker of his career as a director .
wild wild west is poorly-paced bombast , full of doa gags ( ted levine shows up as a general who uses a gramophone horn for a hearing aid ; levine played buffalo bill in the silence of the lambs-he's too intense to get an intentional laugh ) , lousy special effects ( the bluescreening is amateurish-foregrounds are never proportionate to the backgrounds ) , and frequent illogic .
( to wit , its ridiculous villain so badly wants jim west out of the way that he . . . drops
him onto a steel platform to do battle with some generic , ugly henchmen , instead of shooting him at point blank rage with one of the many guns on board the tarantula . )
wild wild west's bright spots , such as the cool opening credits sequence , bai ling's all-too-brief appearance as a femme fatale , or the brilliant " his master's voice " joke , are all part of the film's first half , which is more clever and enjoyable , at least , than its second .
when , towards what seemed like the end of wild wild west , gordon proposes the idea of building an airplane and west rejects it , there was a collective groan among audience members : it meant we were going to have to sit through another loud action sequence before gordon builds the glider , the invention of which would inevitably lead to the proverbial whiz-bang finale .
| 0 | 398 |
just in time for halloween and christmas , the reissue of the nightmare before christmas couldn't be more appropriate .
with all of the attention thrown to " family films " in recent years , namely those starring pocket monsters and nickelodeon characters , it's high time we raised the intellectual level of children's fare as well as the animation achievements of the movie studios .
with that in mind , it was refreshing to revisit an animation classic on the big screen that still retains the originality and freshness it had seven years ago .
nightmare is the story of one man's quest to discover his true purpose in life -- to look beyond the accolades of his peers , the achievements of his years , and the praise of his ego .
jack skellington , the pumpkin king of halloweentown , is the main dude behind the halloween holiday for kids everywhere .
but during his reign as pumpkin king , jack has somehow lost his understanding of his place in the world and the magic he creates with his halloween holiday .
after the completion of one particular halloween season , jack walks with a heavy heart and ends up discovering in the woods outside halloweentown a grove of trees with doors to all of the other holidays in the world .
imagine his surprise to discover christmastown , a far more impressive and uplifting holiday than halloween , surrounded by happy elves making toys , and with good cheer all around .
upon his return to halloweentown , jack decides to combine halloween and christmas together by kidnapping " sandy claws , " employing all the residents of halloweentown to build toys for children .
he then aims to take over the role as primary joy-provider and gift-bearer to the children of the world , in the hopes of rediscovering the zest for life he once had .
alas , the co-mingling of halloween and christmas creates disastrous results involving shrunken heads , psychotic wooden ducks , a sleigh pulled by a phantom dog with a lighted nose , and a large , sinister , singing bag named oogie boogie
tim burton -- the man behind such great films as ed wood , beetlejuice , pee-wee's big adventure , and edward scissorhands -- is the creative force behind nightmare .
originally , burton authored a poem that became the basis of the storyline , and he was jointly involved in the production design of the film ( though many mistakenly assume he directed the picture ) .
the stamp of burton is clearly everywhere in the film -- with bold colors , imaginative character design , and it's simple yet compelling story .
the direction of harry selick , who also directed james and the giant peach , is strong , offering intimate views of the strange collection of characters .
also memorable are the songs in the film , written by former oingo boingo lead singer danny elfman , the next john williams of film composing .
the nightmare before christmas is intended for both the kid and adult in everyone .
it's not just child's play for the holidays ; it's a movie about how to be truly happy in a tough world , saying that all you need to do is just be exactly who you are , without compromise .
what better message is there for christmas ?
| 1 | 1,282 |
bob the happy bastard's quickie review :
rush hour
so what's the problem with 48 hours clones these days ?
they always try for the same thing that eddie murphy and nick nolte had .
that was the problem that plagued these clones , not to mention the actual sequel : another 48 hours , a complete waste of film .
but , at last , someone has a different take on the matter , and it's director brett rainer .
rush hour features jackie chan in his first u . s . action movie , playing a chinese detective who's being flown to the us to investigate the kidnapping of the chinese consulate's daughter .
of course , the fbi is upset that he'll be interfering in their investigation , and stick him with an lapd office with a big mouth- of course , that's chris tucker .
what makes rush hour work so damn well is the chemistry between the energetic chan and the absolutely hilarious tucker .
tucker mouths off to chan at every given opportunity ( " i'm michael jackson , you tito . " ) , and chan delivers a few zingers of his own , as well as some terrific fight scenes .
the story's pretty much your average fare , but with a decent twist involving the main villain , a highly clouded figure named jun tao .
at least it's entertaining , and the concept is excellently realized .
a particular fight scene in a chinese office , where chan and tucker duke it out with the bad guys , is funny and energetic at the same time .
and the finale's a real treat as well . . . chan
delivers yet another fantastic stunt for the fans with a 10-story drop .
rush hour is just the sort of film you'll get a kick out of on any night of the week .
just make sure you don't look for anything culturally different and you'll be fine- drunken master ii this ain't .
| 1 | 1,032 |
jessica lange is one of the most inconsistent actresses working today .
from time-to-time , she blows away audiences with powerful , intense performances .
on the other hand , this is the same woman who made her jaw-droppingly awful feature debut in dino delaurentiis' king kong .
and , much as lange would probably prefer movie-goers to develop amnesia regarding that particular entry on her resume , every once in a while she does work that is reminiscent of it , if only in quality .
hush is one such example .
lange is so bad here that she might have been fun to watch if the rest of the film wasn't such a prime example of motion picture tedium .
the film opens , as many so-called " psychological thrillers " do , by posing as a light drama .
we are introduced to jackson ( johnathon schaech , last encounter in tom hanks' that thing you do ! ) and helen ( gwyneth paltrow ) , a picture perfect young couple who are very much in love .
jackson is taking helen home for the holidays so she can meet his mother , martha ( lange ) .
the moment i first saw martha , i started looking for fangs .
soon , the wicked witch of the east is plotting a way for her son to get helen pregnant ( this involves poking a hole in a diaphragm ) .
once that goal is accomplished , she manipulates events so that the expecting couple moves out of new york city to the horse farm where she lives .
as long as she gets her way , martha is a perfectly amicable person , but when helen defies her , it's a declaration of war .
hush has three very simple problems : it's incredibly dumb , it's incredibly boring , and it's incredibly predictable ( at least up to the stupefying ending ) .
this film has absolutely nothing to recommend it , with the exception of a couple of nice shots of snow-covered fields and a quick glimpse of gwyneth paltrow's bare buttocks .
frankly , it's embarrassing to watch a respected actress of lange's stature give a performance like this -- it's like a bad blanche dubois ( the role she played in a 1995 tv version of a streetcar named desire ) .
meanwhile , paltrow does her best to get through her dialogue without gaping at the stupidity of some of her lines , and schaech attempts a passable imitation of an inanimate object .
as in all psychological thrillers , the battle lines are clearly drawn .
here , it's mom and against wife , with jackson caught in the middle .
of course , since schaech's character is poorly-developed and badly acted , it's impossible to say how he feels about being in that situation .
maybe someone should ask him if he's familiar with oedipus .
martha is , of course , the evil one .
how do we know she's evil ?
she smokes cigarettes and drinks hard liquor -- two sure signs that the devil is at work .
on the other hand , helen is a good girl .
the evidence for this is that she's nice to old ladies and treasures a locket with a picture of her dead parents .
that's about it for character development .
beyond that point , hush is just a series of increasingly hard-to-swallow coincidences , contrivances , and moronic plot twists .
however , the first 85 minutes are just a warm-up for the ending , which is as anticlimactic as it is profoundly dissatisfying .
i can't imagine anyone , no matter what they thought of the movie as a whole , liking this conclusion .
either there was some serious last-minute editing or someone left out a few pages of the script .
before the climax , i disliked hush ; by the time the end credits started , i hated it .
viewers invest something in every movie they watch , no matter how good or bad it is .
cheating them like this is offensive and unpardonable .
most entries into this worn-out , worm-eaten genre aren't especially good .
films like consenting adults , the hand that rocks the cradle , and single white female rely on stock plots and predictable twists to propel the narrative along .
in general , however , they're directed with a degree of competence that assures a level of sustained tension .
that's not the case with really bad thrillers like this , which fail to generate even a momentary heart palpitation -- the characters are too bland and the plot is too uninvolving for anyone in the audience to care .
indeed , the title of this movie probably refers to what the producers hope viewers will do in lieu of telling their friends what they really think of this sorry piece of celluloid .
| 0 | 458 |
ahh yes .
the teenage romance .
an attractive young cast is pitted into an unlikely scenario that could only happen in the movies , and in the end , the guy always gets the girl .
and with the arrival of the breakout hit `she's all that' last year ( followed by a long catalogue of imitators including `10 things i hate about you' and `drive me crazy' ) , the genre previously on life support is once again a hot commodity .
along now comes `down to you' .
the folks at miramax are obviously trying to capitalize on the rabid `she's all that' craze with their latest project , which has the studdly freddie prinze jr . attached and all .
only `down to you' doesn't have the ? unlikely scenario' mentioned above .
it is an extraordinarily ordinary romance - a dull , unattractive teen comedy that sticks to the boring game plan that we're accustomed to .
this is the kind of romance that only giggly 12-year old girls will find convincing .
in strictly textbook fashion , college sophomore and aspiring chef al ( prinze jr . ) meets freshman artist imogen ( julia stiles ) .
they hit it off like a couple can only in the movies .
from here , it's the standard boy-meets-girl , boy-loses-girl , boy-drinks-entire-bottle-of-shampoo-and-may-or-may-not-get-girl-back story .
the plot is conveniently assembled to suit the requirements of the main characters , who are frequently taking part in activities that . . . .
well , only happen in the movies .
fortunately , the cast of `down to you' has a certain appeal .
freddie prinze jr . and julia stiles are an adorable couple , and when on screen together , they radiate the sort of warmth and charisma that the movie should have centered around .
zak orth , as the newly realized porn star monk , shows an unmistakable flair with handling all of the film's intelligent dialogue .
rounding out the impressive ensemble of young talent are shawn hatosy ( `the faculty' ) , selma blair ( `cruel intentions' ) and ashton kutcher ( tv's `that 70's shows' ) .
even the fonz himself - henry winkler , the epitome of teenage angst and nostalgia - has a welcome role as al's dad , the host of the popular cooking program `chef ray' .
maybe the concept of `down to you' looked good on paper to draw such a crowd .
as a feature film , however , the finished product is bland and tasteless fluff with only an occasional whiff of cuteness to keep the gears from stopping entirely .
perhaps worst of all , `down to you' is not funny .
the jokes are drawn from obvious sources and the resulting humor is banal and uninspired .
the characters on screen , often laughing at each other's goofy/embarrassing antics , seemed far more amused than the audience .
even the giggly 12-year old girls had grown restless toward the end as they waited impatiently for the formula to run it's course .
the one mildly clever segment featured winkler and prinze jr . in a fantasy sequence called `cooks' , a `cops' take-off in which the father and son would storm houses and cook a decent meal for ? needy' families ( with the assistance of a fully-armed swat team , of course ) .
when this is the highlight reel , you know the remaining film could leave something to be desired .
in order to make a teen comedy work , you've got to have characters that show something by way of depth and identity .
`10 things i hate about you' actually featured characters who were more than walking flashcards , and the result was refreshing .
no such luck with `down to you' .
it's just a textbook romance where , despite absurd circumstances , everything is bound to work out in the end .
and at the end of the whole clich ? d ordeal , the nicest thing you could possibly say would be ` . . . .
only in the movies' .
| 0 | 695 |
when i first saw the preview for cruel intentions , i turned to my friend and said , " dangerous liaisons for kids ! "
it was clear to me that the film would be an obvious chunk of plagiarized nonsense , owing everything it is to stephen frears' 1988 masterpiece .
imagine my surprise to see that writer/director roger kumble has given credit to his source material : choderlos de laclos is recognized for his novel les liaisons dangereuses in the opening credits .
and i was impressed .
in fact , i was much more impressed with this recognition than with the actual film , which is an appalling excuse for a movie .
it's kiddie-porn hackwork , complete with earthy sex-talk and fully-clothed hand-jobs .
i suppose this kind of movie was inevitable ; with all the teen high-school angst movies coming out , there was certainly room for a pretentious and laughable movie about a bunch of teenagers who think they're smarter and more beautiful than all the other people on earth combined .
cruel intentions is a mess in every possible way , and it fails primarily in the way i expected it to : i hated all the characters , and i hate everything they do .
i also hate ryan phillippe , so perhaps my opinion is not as objective as it could be .
phillippe plays ( check out this name ) sebastian valmont .
wow .
isn't that a memorable name ?
i could just say it over and over again .
sebastian valmont .
it kind of rolls off the tongue , in the spirit of phrases like sanguine vapors and velvet sandwich .
sebastian valmont is the coolest guy who ever walked the earth ; there is no woman he can't have , no material object out of his reach .
he has all the money , all the sex -- all at his fingertips .
and , luckily , his parents never enter into his life -- no , in the world of cruel intentions , adults don't really exist .
the ones who do are irritating .
sebastian valmont lives with his stepsister , kathryn merteuil ( sarah michelle gellar ) , the bitch-queen of the universe , and also the woman every man wants .
since these two rich kids are so bored , they only thing they can do is challenge each other with meaningless sexual liaisons .
kathryn wants sebastian valmont to de-virginize cecile caldwell ( selma blair ) , a naive dork-chick who has somehow wronged kathryn .
but it's too easy for sebastian valmont -- he wants to nail annette hargrove ( reese witherspoon ) , the " paradigm of chastity and beauty . "
so , sebastian valmont and kathryn make a deal ( which is too explicit to state here ) .
but -- dear god !
-- sebastian valmont actually begins to fall for poor annette hargrove .
dangerous liaisons is a great movie because the characters are all believable , and because of its masterful acting .
cruel intentions is bad for many reasons , but it lacks both believable characters and masterful acting .
kathryn merteuil is simply a hateful witch , a girl so loathsome that i would probably enjoy pouring hot lead on her .
she is supposed to be mean , but glenn close gave the character some depth in dangerous liaisons .
gellar , while aesthetically pleasing , is one-dimensional and utterly repulsive .
witherspoon has a truly beautiful face , but her character isn't the moral staple she's supposed to be : sure , she won't have sex until she's in love ( is this really a * moral * issue ? ) , but she does some things in the last few scenes that are more than a little reprehensible .
but i can't forget mr . phillippe , who continues to exceed my expectations with his impenetrable , invulnerable blandness .
i have to give him credit and say that he did , in fact , manage to change his facial expression about three times during the course of cruel intentions .
and there's one point in the film in which he shouts , thereby defeating my hypothesis that he is vocally monotone .
true , he is bad , but it doesn't help that he has no character to work with .
kumble has drained all the interesting aspects from this character , leaving us with a sex-crazed lunatic who is supposed to be sympathetic because he falls in love with a moral flower and shuns the wicked bitch .
the film fails in every other way , too .
first of all , nobody talks like this .
even the " intellectuals " i know don't bother with this kind of pointless and pretentious yammering .
for a while , the movie looks like it might play itself for laughs , but it ends up taking itself so seriously that there's no way we can join it .
cruel intentions also manages to come off as soft-porn in more than one scene .
earlier i mentioned a fully-clothed hand-job ; this occurs between kathryn and sebastian valmont , both of whom are intended to be hateful at this point in the movie .
so , if we hate them , then what's the point of an extended sex scene ?
titillation , of course .
it can't even work under the pretense of " meaningful love scene , " because we hate the characters .
it's interesting to note some of the parallels between cruel intentions and dangerous liaisons .
kumble is clearly familiar with the earlier film ; many of the scenes have a similar tone , and there are moments in frears' film that kumble imitates almost completely ( such as the last scene , in which [spoiler warning ! ] the antagonist is humiliated in front of her peers ) .
but kids don't act like this .
nobody acts like this .
in his translation , roger kumble forgot character development and sympathy -- some pretty crucial elements .
the result is a picture of confounding badness , a kiddie-porn mess that thinks it's really deep and profound .
i'll give cruel intentions credit for realizing its influences , but that doesn't change the fact that it's awful .
| 0 | 321 |
after the average mouse hunt , the silly small soldiers and the entertaining antz , dreamworks try again with the children's film market with this stunning adaptation of the moses story .
as the film warns us at the beginning , it's not the full story , and some liberties have been taken , but generally this the bible story we all know and love , featuring burning bushes , the plagues and the parting of the red sea .
the only thing missing is charlton heston .
instead , we get val kilmer voicing moses , an hebrew who is placed in a river by his mother and rescued by the queen of egypt ( helen mirren . )
we flash forward several years to see moses and brother rameses ( fiennes ) all grown up .
moses soon finds out from brother and sister miriam and aaron ( sandra bullock and jeff goldblum ) that he isn't really the son of the pharaoh seti ( patrick stewart ) and that it his destiny to free the hebrews from the egyptians tyrannical rule .
he soon sets about this , along with his wife tzipporah ( michelle pfeiffer . )
rameses and his two wizard friends ( voiced by steve martin and martin short ) try to stop moses completing his task .
while the plot is familiar and somewhat exciting for adults , for children reared on aladdin and hercules , this film could be the most godawful thing they've ever seen .
gone is the quick fire humour and standard , easy to follow plot .
but , spectacularly , and to dreamworks credit , nearly every child in the audience was captivated by the story and events happening on screen .
jeffrey katzenberg , who produced this film , certainly knows how to keep a child interested .
he's included some songs in the film , plus some comedy , and a exciting chariot chase , to keep the children interested .
and somehow , himself and the directors still manage to get all the drama and intensity of the story across , without ever being boring .
it's a remarkable achievement .
also remarkable is the animation , which puts hercules , an almost 'slap dash' effort , to shame .
relying on hand drawn and computer animation , the backgrounds and characters are amazingly detailed .
the film seems a little caught up with it's amazing visuals by showing a lot of sweeping visuals and 'moving' shots , but they _do_ look incredible .
the final 'plague' where god kills every first born child , and the parting of the red sea have to be seen to be believed .
kudos to the animators .
the vocal talent is also very good .
val kilmer does a fine job as moses ( although he doesn't sing ) and ralph fiennes is superb as rameses ( and he _does_ sing . )
sandra bullock and jeff goldblum are great , and steve martin and martin short are very good , but not in the film long enough .
finally , michelle pfeiffer does excellent work as moses wife .
kudos also goes to the voice of god , who instead of booming and bombastic is quiet and subdued .
sadly , he is uncredited , and i couldn't quite work out who the voice was .
( but e-mail if you do . )
the songs are good , ranging from the usual love sonnets to the traditional big production number .
they don't disturb the movie , and while not particularly memorable , they are nice to listen to ( they're well sung aswell . )
the musical score is suitably epic , with some beautiful tunes .
coupled with the superb visuals , the prince of egypt is a visual and aural treat , backed up with a great story .
entertaining both for kids and adults , this film is a must see .
a david wilcock review ? 1998
" you know , for kids " - norville barnes
| 1 | 1,222 |
one of my colleagues was surprised when i told her i was willing to see betsy's wedding .
and she was shocked to hear that i actually liked it .
her reaction was understandable when you consider that the film revolves around molly ringwald , who hasn't made a worthwhile film since 1986 .
but the fact is , betsy's wedding is also an alan alda film .
and while ringwald has been making duds for the last four years , alda has been involved with several noteworthy projects , including crimes and misdemeanors and a new life .
written and directed by alda , betsy's wedding is a vibrant slice-of-life , mixing a few dramatic moments into a big bowl of whimsical humor .
alda's comic elixir is smooth and refreshing--and a welcome change of pace from the usual summer fare .
as bride and groom , molly ringwald and dylan walsh are the pivotal characters in the film , but they are by far the least interesting .
walsh is a nonentity , with all the screen presence of a door knob .
ringwald is simply unbearable and is easily the weakest link in the chain .
she looks hideous with her short-cropped orange hair , red lip-stick and grotesque outfits .
she's supposed to be a dress designer , but she looks more like a clown .
and to make matters worse , ringwald's performance matches her appearance .
thankfully , alda keeps ringwald's screen time to a minimum ; he is far more interested in the colorful periphery characters .
the wedding is just a device to bring together the bride's working-class , italian family and the groom's rich , gentile family .
ringwald's folks are homey and down-to-earth , with alda as her free-spirited father , madeline kahn as her practical mother , and ally sheedy as her lonely sister .
walsh's clan , on the other hand , is prim , proper and ostentatious .
when the two families meet and mingle , the movie becomes a story of culture clash , or as one character puts it , " money versus values . "
ally sheedy , in a wonderfully understated performance , is one of the film's most pleasant surprises .
sheedy expresses more with just her eyes than ringwald does with her entire body .
it's anthony lapaglia , however , who seizes the spotlight .
lapaglia plays stevie dee , a suave , overly polite mafioso who is formally courting sheedy with old-fashioned chivalry .
lapaglia's sincere but dim-witted character is a riot .
and what's uncanny is that lapaglia is a dead ringer for robert de niro , with a little bit of alec baldwin thrown in for good measure .
lapaglia seems to have attended the de niro school of gangster acting , and his inspired performance is partly a tribute to his role-model and partly a rip-off .
i don't know whether to say a star is born or a star is re-born , but i do know that lapaglia's over-the-top performance should not be missed .
the scrumptious comic acting , however , extends well beyond sheedy and lapaglia .
joe pesci , in particular , sinks his teeth into his role as alda's unscrupulous brother-in-law , a slum lord with mob ties , who is cheating on his wife ( catherine o'hara ) .
alda , faced with challenge of both directing and acting , somehow finds just the right comic touch as the bride's financially-strapped father , a carpenter whose dreams are bigger than his wallet .
the film adopts alda's psychological point of view as he tries to one : plan the wedding , and two : pay for it .
as a filmmaker , alda's style of humor is remarkably restrained and tasteful .
and while he doesn't have the comic genius of a woody allen , alda does possess the inspiration to make movies which are ten times more entertaining than the slop which usually passes for comedy .
| 1 | 1,242 |
capsule : a science fiction allegory .
at the millennium a lethal contagious virus has hit taiwan .
officials have cut off water and other services to the center of contagion .
life there devolves and degenerates .
a man in an apartment has a hole in his floor and with it harasses his downstairs neighbor .
a slow but harrowing film to be missed if possible .
, low -1 ( -4 to +4 )
- the taiwan virus is ravaging taiwan and the part of the city that is the center of the contagion has been evacuated of anyone who will go .
one apartment building still houses people .
a woman , formerly an office worker , ( yang kuei-mei ) is tormented by her upstairs neighbor ( lee kang-sheng ) who has a hole cut by a plumber in the floor and is using it as a drain .
neighbor runs a small failing grocery store .
- to make things more depressing , it is constantly raining hard .
- upstairs neighbor vomits through , pours water , etc . a small and almost entirely one-sided war starts .
allegory about callousness and selfishness .
- woman is living on a pile of rolls of toilet tissue .
- incongruous songs added to show downstairs neighbors dreams .
these are the songs of popular taiwanese singer grace chang .
- apartment is falling apart .
wallpaper is separating from walls .
plumbing is failing .
- boredom shown by long cuts in which nothing happens .
a lot of film seems to be used up .
- this story might have been done much better as a ten-minute animated film .
- stars are considered to be great dramatic actors by one reviewer .
- this film seems longer at 95 minutes most two-hour films .
| 0 | 828 |
in double jeopardy , the stakes are high .
think of the plot as a rehash of sleeping with the enemy , and then rearrange the details and the gender of the stalker .
the finished product , although able to maintain the viewer's attention , is a predictable and unexciting thriller with an idiotic script .
`alex , i'll take homicide for $400 . . . '
libby parsons ( ashley judd ) is a happily married mom leading a normal life .
one night , her husband nick ( bruce greenwood ) takes her out for a romantic escape on a sailboat .
libby awakens in the middle of the night to find she is covered in blood and nick has strangely disappeared .
she follows a trail of bloody footprints up to the deck , where she handles a fallen knife ( like any stupid character ) and is spotted by the coast guard , who are responding to a distress signal sent earlier in the evening .
nick is presumed dead , and although she pleads her innocence , libby is tried and convicted for the murder of her husband .
now , please don't think i'm spoiling any vital plot details , because the informative trailer has already spilled most of the beans .
if you haven't seen this preview , don't read any further .
but seriously , the inane screenplay by douglas weisberg and douglas s . cook is so elementary that the average viewer will be two or three steps ahead of the characters .
during the most vital scenes in the movie , i was anticipating every twist or `surprise' that eventually popped up on the screen .
i imagine the writers presume their core audience for double jeopardy is a very naive group of individuals .
most , unfortunately , will be too distracted by the moronic plot to appreciate the few positive aspects of the production .
one is tommy lee jones , who plays travis lehman , a parole officer given the tedious task of watching over libby after she serves her sentence in prison .
jones is always wonderful as an authority figure , and he's certainly familiar with this sort of role ( as he played so well in the fugitive and us marshals ) .
judd , as a likable heroin with gusto , also has a chance to flex her acting abilities .
while emotionally unconvincing , the actress is tremendously fun in her juvenile role , perking up the movie like an injection of anti-depressant .
the actors , and their relationship together , present the one-two punch that prevents double jeopardy from derailing itself entirely .
and now , back to the plot .
while behind bars , libby learns an interesting little bit of information : a person can't be convicted of the same crime twice .
this law , called `double jeopardy' , could be her motive for hunting down her husband . . .
who may still be alive .
yes , you heard right .
the movie degenerates into a cross-country chase , where everything you expect to happen . . .
does .
the final scenes , which could have redeemed the film , are poorly handled by director bruce beresford - whose previous work centers highly around drama ( driving miss daisy , paradise road ) .
ironically , it is those elements - like the driving force of libby to reunite with her son - that don't quite work here .
at least double jeopardy is paced well enough to satisfy diehard fans of the two stars .
unfortunately , jones lacks some of the edge that he had as sam gerard in the fugitive , and the real depth of his character is only skin deep .
but he and ashley judd are more than welcome considering the material , and both have some memorable comic moments .
judd , in particular , has a hilarious scene in which she wards off an oncoming male by explaining she has to check in with her `parole officer' .
hmmm . . .
perhaps this would have made a good comedy .
it is disappointing , because there are the makings of a competent action film here .
it's nicely shot and choreographed in downtown vancouver , and will entertain those who aren't turned off by the woeful story-line .
? tis a shame that double jeopardy is an adult thriller that wouldn't fool most children .
| 0 | 770 |
when i saw the trailer for this film , i laughed harder than i had in quite some time .
while i was therefore pretty well psyched to see it , i was ever mindful that a trailer can make even the most mediocre film look good .
i'm happy to say that there's something about mary is not one of those trailer let-downs .
in fact , watching this film was quite a fine way to spend two hours .
the film opens up in flashback to 1985 , at a high school in cumberland , rhode island .
ted stroehmann ( ben stiller ) is a social reject who can't seem to get a date to the upcoming prom , until he comes to the defense of the mentally retarded warren ( w .
earl brown ) , who's being harassed by one of the school jocks .
it seems warren's sister is the campus queen , mary jensen ( cameron diaz ) , who is impressed with ted's willingness to stand up for her defenseless brother , despite a very real chance of getting beaten up .
mary takes an immediate liking to ted and asks him to the prom .
ted was just flattered that she even knew his name .
unfortunately , prom night is ruined when ted has an accident with his zipper ( at which every man in the theater will wince ) , and is sent to the hospital .
fast forward to the present , where ted has cleaned himself up , now writes for a magazine , but has weekly therapy sessions in order to deal with his obsession of the past 13 years : mary , whom he hasn't seen since that fateful day .
with the help of his friend dom ( chris elliott ) , ted hires slimy private investigator pat healy ( matt dillon ) to track down his only love .
however , when pat finds mary , he falls for her too , and soon the both of them are competing for her affections .
there's something about mary is directed by bobby and peter farrelly , who brought us dumb and dumber and kingpin .
not exactly intelligent comedies , they are of the guilty pleasure variety where you might not want your friends or co-workers to think you had such a great time watching them .
with their current film , the farrelly brothers have come up with something you'll not only enjoy , but also won't mind talking about the next day at the water cooler .
the film succeeds in employing a pretty wide range of comedic styles , from the subtle to the ridiculous , and while a few of the gags might be offensive to some ( seeming like residuals from the farrelly brothers' last two films ) they almost all work .
i have not seen many movies in the recent past that shoot for the mark and so often hit it dead on .
one minute you'll be laughing at something ted says , and the next you'll be howling at the sight of a dog dragging him across the floor of mary's apartment .
one of the great things this film has going for it is ben stiller .
he is perfectly cast in the role of ted , because he's a guy who just looks awkward in almost every situation .
ted's a nice fellow and tries to do his best , but for some reason or another things just don't always work out .
it's comical , but also has that kind of appeal where you really feel for the him and want him to come out on top .
actually , i've liked stiller since he did a short which aired on saturday night live back in the mid-eighties .
the film was like a theatrical trailer for a spoof on the tom cruise/paul newman film the color of money , entitled the hustler of money .
in it , stiller played wince ( not vince ) who is taken under the wing of an older man ( played by john mahoney ) to become a big-time bowling hustler .
it was parody at its finest , more of which showed up in the short-lived " the ben stiller show " on the fox network in late '92/early '93 .
like " the critic " ( which aired on abc , then fox ) , i still mourn that show's cancellation .
cameron diaz is absolutely enchanting for most of the film , although her character seems obsessed with perfection in the men she dates , and some of the qualities she looks for make mary look paper-thin at times .
however , diaz pulls the role off with such panache and charm , that you can still see why she's got guys just falling over each other to be with her .
heck , i even found her laugh to be cute , even though i thought it was annoying during an appearance she made on the tonight show last week .
my girlfriend remarked that matt dillon doesn't change , and you know , it's really true .
he and ralph macchio must hang out or something .
maybe they live in dick clark's pool house .
anyway , here's another good piece of casting , as dillon slips beautifully into the role of the guy who tries to worm his way into mary's heart .
the supporting performances are also good .
chris elliott has a bigger part than in the abyss ( yes , check it out next time ) , and less annoying than in cabin boy .
lin shae , who plays mary's neighbor magda ( and also appeared as the landlady in kingpin ) , provides some good laughs , especially in scenes with her benji-like dog , which acts as the focal point for a few of the funniest moments of the film .
lee evans , as mary's friend tucker , displays a flexibility in acting and accents which surprises and contributes to an interesting plot twist .
the farrelly brothers and scriptwriters ed decter and john j . strauss keep the comedic pacing going so that there aren't any noticeable times where the film drags .
the only problem i saw was their use of a couple of musicians who provide segues between several key scenes .
they appear out of nowhere and actually sing plot-relevant information right toward the camera .
it's a device which was amusing for about three seconds when they opened the film .
after that it got a little annoying , and it's unfortunate that those spots interrupt what would otherwise be a smooth flow .
fortunately , filled with sight gags , humorous lines , and solid comedic acting , there's something about mary will still have you laughing after you leave the theater .
| 1 | 1,393 |
with the release of gattaca , i began to wonder why all science fiction films deal with destructive aliens , or aliens in general .
hollywood has given audiences plenty of thrills with those alien films , but what was usually lacking was a good story . . .
and good characters . . .
and good acting , etc ( contact being the exception ) .
and for some reason , hollywood has never taken a look at the aliens here on earth .
the closest , that i have seen anyway , was 2001 : a space odyssey , which made mankind an alien race themselves , being dwarfed by the technology which they created .
now comes gattaca , another film about technology reigning supreme , except here on our planet .
the difference between 2001 and this one is simple : gattaca is more frightening .
most of the concepts of this movie are based on recent discoveries in genetic engineering .
using this premise , writer/director andrew niccol creates some genuine suspense and thrills .
unfortunately , due to a lack of advertising , i fear gattaca may fair horribly at the box office .
since seeing the film , i have been asking people if they have seen gattaca .
lately , however , i have been asking them if they have even heard of gattaca .
most people don't even realize that it is a film .
despite this fact , i surely hope that the audience members who have seen this film will tell their friends about it .
niccol's film deserves more than what independence day made because it is smarter , better produced , and more realistic .
gattaca begins in the 21st century .
procreating is now done in a petri dish , and genetic engineering is the normal way of doing it .
natural child birth is considered old-fashioned .
we are introduced to jerome morrow ( ethan hawke ) , an employee of the gattaca space program .
one of the directors of the program has been murdered , and the main suspect is one vincent freeman .
the only problem is that jerome morrow is vincent freeman .
vincent was born the natural way when his parents decided on bringing their first child into the world through love .
however , after his birth , and through several genetic tests , doctors tell his parents that he will have a 99% chance of a weak heart , as well as poor eye sight and a short life span .
as a result , both parents decide to bring their next baby into the world via genetics .
anton ( loren dean ) is produced without flaws , and the competition between brothers spawns .
vincent has a dream to fly a solo-flight around the titan , the 14th moon of saturn , but because of his condition , gattaca , and society in general , forces him to do menial labor around the company .
labeled an " in-valid , " vincent's dream seems impossible , until he meets a black-market dna specialist , german ( tony shalhoub ) .
german introduces him to a " valid " who has been paralized from the waste down due to an automobile accident .
jerome morrow ( jude law ) agrees to give vincent all the proper identification tools ( urine , blood , skin and hair samples , etc . ) that he will need to get past gattaca's tight security .
in exchange , vincent will provide jerome with the rent money and friendship .
after the murder , however , his dreams are put at risk due to one of vincent's eyelashes left at the scene of the crime .
irene cassini ( uma thurman ) is a genetically flawed " valid " working for gattaca , and she begins to fall in love with vincent/jerome .
gattaca is one of the best science fiction films i have seen in a long time .
only two other intelligent science fiction films have come out in the past two years ( contact and the arrival ) and gattaca will rank among them .
unfortunately , whenever one intelligent film comes out against special effects-laden films , it normally gets buried .
the second best thing about gattaca is the production design by jan roelfs .
the orange glow of gattaca's scenes are impressive , but the sets deserve most of the credit .
the sets are very well done , creating a futuristic sense , but not too futuristic as to alienate viewers .
as we look at the designs , we realize that these buildings aren't too far into the future .
this brings the plot even more credibility as genetic engineering becomes more possible by every passing day .
the best thing , however , is the plot .
the story is more than your average sci-fi/thriller .
at its heart , it develops a theme which is never overpowering but is always present .
perhaps niccol is warning our race about the changes genetic tampering could bring .
would our society become a bunch of soulless zombies ?
maybe human nature is a result of mankind's flaws .
if we get rid of flaws , do we get rid of dreams as well ?
niccol's intelligent script handles all these questions extremely well , and the result is an incredibly smart thriller set against a dramatic story , or vice versa .
the power of the actors brings a lot of credibility to flat characters .
while flat may sound like a poor job on niccol's part , it actually enhances the meaning behind the story .
ethan hawke has developed into a handsome adult actor , giving his best performance of his lifetime so far .
his curiosity and motivation pushes his character past all the discouraging remarks from his parents and " valid " peers .
uma thurman is . . . well , uma thurman .
her character is slightly underdeveloped , but the story isn't about her .
however , thurman gives a lot of depth to the flat character .
jude law gives the most complex performance of the film with the most disturbingly realistic character .
he provides several nice touches , and his final scene is a very touching and heartwrenching one .
loren dean gives a nice performance in his well-developed character .
dean is also responsible for some of the most suspenseful scenes in the movie .
alan arkin portrays one of the detectives with a little less more excitement than with his psychiatrist in grosse pointe blank .
still , he does a good job .
gore vidal and xander berkeley both provide some very good supporting roles , and berkeley also gives a heartfelt discussion towards the end of the film .
gattaca is rated pg-13 for brief violent images , language , some sexuality , and nudity .
despite the somber and desolate mood of the entire film , i wasn't exactly prepared for the ending which left me feeling empty .
it turned me off slightly , but then i realized that everything turned out the way it should have .
if this had been a typical hollywood film , it would have ended much differently .
however , with all the mindless science fiction films out there , it is nice to have a film which doesn't talk down to its audience ( i especially like the ironic title and how it consists of the four letters which make up the genetic coding : g , t , c , and a ) .
instead , it provides some much needed entertainment which gives us science fiction fanatics just what we want : a science fiction film with morals behind it .
whatever happened to giving the audience a lesson while entertaining ?
hopefully more writers and directors will learn from gattaca . . .
and hopefully audiences will too .
p . s . personal note to p . j . gladnick : how dare you call this film the worst film of the year .
i can't even begin to image what film you do like .
that frightens me beyond anything .
| 1 | 1,209 |
usually when one is debating who the modern queen of the romantic comedy is they will bring up names like julia roberts or sandra bullock .
others will mention meg ryan .
but for me , it's not even close .
janeane garofalo is not only the queen of the romantic comedy , she is the best comic actress in hollywood right now .
and it's a good thing she's starring in the matchmaker , because without her presence the movie would be bland , unfunny , and dull .
garofalo stars as marcy tizard , a top aide to boston senator john mcglory , who is suffering in the polls .
in an attempt to capture the irish vote , he sends marcy on a mission to a small irish town called ballinagra in search of other mcglory's that never moved to america .
unfortunately for marcy , her visit coincides with the town's annual matchmaking festival .
things get off to a rocky start for marcy though .
she has no hotel reservations ( for no rational reason ) and the tiny confined room ( tired old cliche' ) she has to stay in has a visitor in her bathtub .
his name is sean , and marcy finds him repugnant at first , so you can obviously tell where this is headed .
the movie runs into a few roadblocks .
for instance , the story is very thin .
none of the characters ( except the old local matchmaker ) are nearly as interesting as garofalo .
some of the characters , like the political aide played by denis leary , have wandered in from a completely different movie .
i think the director realized this and decided to throw in numerous shots of the beautiful irish scenery , and several close-ups of garofalo's winning smile .
the strange thing is that it works .
garofalo's charm and the irish scenery could carry the thinnest of stories , and it carries this one .
| 1 | 1,127 |
as i walked out of crouching tiger , hidden dragon i thought to myself that i had had just seen a great film .
with the passage of a few hours i tempered my enthusiasm and started pondering the question of whether a masterpiece must implicitly be a " great " piece of work and viceversa .
attempting to make a distinction may be a matter of splitting hairs .
i avoided a commitment by appealing to etymology .
as the word implies , a masterpiece is any work which embodies the skills of a master .
as such it should suffice to say that it is a product of exceptional quality .
crouching tiger , hidden dragon fits comfortably in that category .
crouching tiger , hidden dragon immerses the viewer in an idealized world of oriental folklore , with the requisite blend of legend , fantasy , magic and mythology .
it is reminiscent of a wagnerian epic with characters which might as well be half-gods - greater than life , purer than life , stronger than life , physically invincible and able to accomplish superhuman feats , but with a human soul that makes them ultimately vulnerable .
all the classic elements of the oriental mystique are thrown into the mix , including the art of contemplation and the concept of martial dexterity as the physical equivalent of spiritual advancement .
the classic struggle between good and evil is the inevitable backdrop , with advanced masters of each and a golden pupil , which must choose between the two .
it is the gifted pupil who , under the influence of the evil master steals the holy grail in the form of a magic sword which is the focus of the conflict at the heart of the legend .
the elements of romance at two different levels of enlightenment ( a pair of masters and a pair of youngsters ) are poignantly represented .
the paradox of oriental restraint existing side by side with all consuming passion in the same breast is projected effectively .
the fight scenes are stunning balletic tours-de-force , not to be taken literally but clearly to be enjoyed as superb cinematic art , as are the prodigious leaps and flights to , from and between rooftops , the martial combat at the top of swaying bamboo branches and the combatants skipping like pebbles along the surface of a lake .
there need be no question of suspended disbelief when one is in the presence of poetry .
as in a wagnerian opera there is a substantial story line , which takes place at an ordinary human level , yet the entire project is to be accepted as a work of art rooted in fantasy .
do not assume , however , that the art is limp-wristed .
for those who are put off by the " art " label this film can be confidently recommended as engrossing entertainment at the levels of adventure , action and romance .
there are no weak performances in this movie .
michelle yeoh imbues her character with depth , humanity and wisdom .
chow yon fat projects dignity and purity of heart .
zhang ziyi is a budding superstar .
she is radiantly beautiful and totally persuasive in a multifaceted role .
cheng pei pei as the evil master and chang cheng as the bandit prince acquit themselves admirably .
kudos to screenwriters james schamus , wang hui ling and tsai kuo jing , choreographer yuen wo-ping , photography director peter pau and music director tan dun , each of which contribute quality components to this extraordinary film .
ang lee as the director , co-producer and mastermind of the project gets the lion share of the credit .
this is destined to be one of those films that everybody likes , including those who hate martial arts movies .
don't miss it .
| 1 | 1,287 |
to paraphrase a song title from an earlier disney movie , mulan is a whole new world .
the mouse factory's latest feature is a treasure , featuring magnificent animation , a strong story and finely drawn characters .
mulan is the story of a fiesty , head-strong young woman who , unlike other disney heroines , isn't seeking her prince charming ,
mulan's motivations are simple ; to save her father , serve her country and find a place for herself in a world in which females have no say .
the story of mulan takes place in ancient china at a time when the huns have invaded the nation .
the emperor has called for a conscription , one man from each family to join the army and defend the nation .
mulan's crippled father is called , but mulan sneaks off , steals his armor and takes his place .
mulan is a saga of courage and self-discovery .
yet , despite the grim backdrop of war , it is a lively tale of self-reliance and brain-over-brawn that even the smallest child can appreciate and enjoy .
the movie utilizes a strong corps of asian-american talent as the voices for the main characters , including the wonderful ming-na wen ( the joy luck club ) as mulan , b . d .
wong as shang , mulan's commanding officer and later love interest , pat morita as the emperor and the veteran soon-tek oh as mulan's proud , but loving father .
also adding to the proceedings is eddie murphy as mushu the dragon , sent by mulan's ancestors to watch over and help the young woman .
his fast , wise-cracking , hip-talking mushu may seem out of place , but it's a crowd pleasing performance , especially for the youngsters .
the movie features only a couple of songs , fewer than most previous disney animated flicks , but mulan's are winners .
the music by matthew wilder and lyrics by david zippel fit nicely into the plot .
the overall score by jerry goldsmith also is a plus .
mulan is a treat , more powerful than hercules , with more heart than the hunchback of notre dame .
at about 85 minutes , mulan moves rapidly , and will hold the attention of youngsters from beginning to the end .
mulan will set a new standard by which future animated efforts by disney and other studios will have to work hard to attain .
also , it is hoped that the success of mulan , and there is no doubt that it will prove to be a popular vehicle , will spur an interest for more movies with oriential or asian-american themes so as to provide more substantial roles for the talented performers who gave their voices for this production .
it would be nice to see them on screen as well as hear them .
committed to lifelong learning through effective communication
| 1 | 1,647 |
here's a rarity : a children's film that attempts to tackle a weighty subject , is there a god ?
done well , it could have been a gem among the wasteland of modern children's cinema .
unfortunately , it isn't .
with jumbled messages , and an unclear audience , wide awake was better left asleep .
fifth grader joshua beal ( joseph cross ) is in the middle of a moral crisis .
his beloved grandfather ( robert loggia ) has died , and joshua has begun a quest .
he wants to find god , to discover why bad things happen .
this religious quest is slightly disturbing for his parents ( dana delany and denis leary ) , but they do their best to cope with their son as he explores different religious faiths .
at his catholic school , his favorite teacher , sister terry ( rosie o'donnell ) , tries to give him guidance , but this is a journey he must make on his own .
meanwhile , he is having the most momentous year of his life .
he has several adventures with his daredevil best friend dave ( timothy reifsnyder ) , he gets his first crush , and begins to wake up to the world around him while he is on his spiritual journey .
it is somewhat confusing as to what the real audience for wide awake is expected to be .
on its surface , it appears to be a kid's film .
however , it deals with serious issues , and is likely to be boring for today's instant-gratification kids .
and while it might seem heartening to see that someone is trying to produce something thoughtful for the kidvid audience , wide awake asks serious questions , but only delivers a cheap gimmick for an answer .
if there were a bit more meat in the story , adults on a nostalgic bent might get a kick out of the movie .
the actors who might have created a great cast ( o'donnell , leary and delany ) are wasted in roles that amount to little more than cameos .
the nostalgic elements ( best friend , favorite teacher , first crush , etc . ) have been done much better in other movies , and actually seem more like filler here .
the film's strongest scenes are some touching flashbacks depicting joshua's relationship with his grandfather .
they show more depth than is present anywhere else in the movie .
maybe the film would have been better if , instead of playing the relationship through flashbacks , it were set entirely during joshua's last year with his grandpa .
it certainly would have been more entertaining .
wide awake can best be described as a failed experiment .
it starts out with noble aspirations , but never delivers on its promise .
parents who do take their children to see this one ought to be prepared to answer some tough questions . . . that is if their kids aren't bored to death first .
| 0 | 860 |
plot : something about a bunch of kids going into a haunted house and playing out parodies of other horror and non-horror movies .
oh yeah , there's also something about a ghost possessing the mansion and shit , but trust me , you won't care much about the " plot " in this film . . .
critique : parody movies either work or they don't and this one just doesn't work !
the laughs aren't as pronounced this time around , the energy level , the gags and all of the characters just seem to be going through the motions here .
it's like they were all in a hurry to finish the film or something ( wink , wink ) .
and the scariest part of it all ?
check out the number of screenwriters it took to pen this puppy : seven !
i say again , it took seven people to write 82-minutes worth of fart jokes , half-assed stunts and spoofs of films other than horror .
now i'm not exactly sure if each of the writers wrote their own parts separately or just tossed " funny sketch " ideas out there while smoking the chronic themselves , but the end result is a film that basically plays out like an extended skit on " saturday night live " .
there are a couple of funny one-liners , but mostly just rehashed one-joke scenes , a lot of dead silence and lame gags .
add to that the very unoriginal title and movie poster and you gotta start asking yourself if anybody was even trying here ( the film's website isn't even up yet ! ! !
what the f * * * ? ! ? ) .
i do however have to give it up to james woods , the man who opens up this movie with the funniest parody of them all ( the exorcist take-off-- miss this and you've missed any reason to see the flick ) .
i especially liked his one-liner as he walked in to see the possessed woman's head turning .
very funny !
unfortunately , the film plummets straight down after that , with dumb parodies of many teen flicks that have nothing to do with horror such as save the last dance and dude , where's my car , and other action movies like charlie's angels and mission impossible 2 . now help me figure this one out , will you ?
isn't this supposed to be a parody film of horror movies ? ! ?
( or maybe that's just the title of the film f-ing with my head ) .
well , i'm sorry to have to say this but the only horror in this film is its lame-ass script !
the wayans brothers should have known better than to look towards the weinstein brothers ( money ) instead of the zucker brothers ( comedy ) for this sequel .
unfortunately for us , all we're left with here is a skeleton of a film which might've been funny , had it been worked over a few more times , tightened up here and there , and been injected with more solid laughs .
but as things stand now , there is no doubt in my mind that the obvious greed to capitalize on the success of last year's film has led everyone down this path , so screw them for not trying as hard ( critically speaking , of course ) .
you should all be ashamed of yourselves for not putting enough " real " effort into this chop-job and for not providing your fans with the ultimate of your talents .
pooh on you !
( that's telling 'em , joblo !
sheesh )
btw , i'm allotting one point alone to actress kathleen robertson , whose massive breasts and skanky g-string had me chompin' at the bit .
you go , girl !
everyone else . . . stay !
where's joblo coming from ?
airplane ( 10/10 ) - airplane ii ( 10/10 ) - galaxy quest ( 8/10 ) - hannibal ( 7/10 ) - the haunting ( 3/10 ) - mafia ( 5/10 ) - naked gun ( 8/10 ) - scary movie ( 8/10 ) - top secret ( 9/10 )
| 0 | 396 |
" it was not scary . "
these are the first words that came to mind after it was over .
when a movie is called _vampires_ , " not scary " aren't words that should be associated with it .
but that wasn't my only gripe .
john carpenter is a name associated with cutting-edge cinema , as in the intense scares of _halloween_ , _the thing_ and _the prince of darkness_ , or the offbeat action of _they live_ and _escape from new york_ .
unfortunately , the only thing that is cutting edge about _vampires_ is the level of boredom the movie is able to reach .
with an anemic plot and not-quite-kosher special effects , _john carpenter's vampires_ has barely enough substance to slake the thirst of even the least discerning genre fan .
the film is at first concerned with a group of roaming vampire slayers , led by james woods , of all people .
like some sort of holy a-team ( they even have their own souped-up van ) , the bunch invade and wipe out a nest of vampires in a new mexico shack .
their method is amusingly innovative : the blood-suckers are reeled out with harpoons so they can flare up in the sun like matchsticks .
to commemorate their victory , the loutish band decorates a motel room with hookers and parties the night away .
their celebration is short-lived , however , as a master vampire named valek ambushes and single-handedly destroys most of the team .
woods' jack crow and buddy montoya ( daniel baldwin ) escape with their lives , along with a woman named katrina ( sheryl lee ) .
although the woman has been bitten , montoya and crow decide to keep katrina for her psychic link to the master vampire .
the rest of the movie is concerned with the boys' hunt for valek ( thomas ian griffith ) , a freaky marilyn manson-type who's on a mission that dates back 600 years .
along the way they pick up a priest named guiteau ( tim guinee ) , a character who serves pretty much the same purpose as the jittery cpl .
upham in _saving private ryan_ .
some stuff happens in the middle of the movie , but i can't remember most of it , because i often found a twitching hair in the corner of the frame more interesting than what was happening on screen .
_vampires_ finally starts to pick up about 90 minutes into the mix , as crow , guiteau , and montoya assault an abandoned prison-turned vampire nest .
only then does the film begin to even resemble a carpenter flick .
but it's too little too late .
we get the inevitable final confrontation , but it seems tacked on and rather anti-climactic ( come on , we're dealing with _the_ master vampire here ! )
interestingly , last summer's vampire actioner _blade_ was derived from a comic book , and _vampires_ from a novel , yet the latter seems more steeped in campy cheesiness than the former , a more deliberate superhero flick .
woods' jack crow spouts glib off-the-cuff one-liners and strolls away from exploding buildings with that oh-so-cool stride .
and his motive for killing vampires ?
take a wild guess .
( hint : a ______ killed his _____ when he was just a _____ . )
at least _blade_ had decent action and slick stylishness .
_vampires_ lacks even cheap thrills to mask its gossamer-thin plot .
to make up for this , the movie resorts to other " shocks , " such as its generally condescending attitude towards women ( crow slaps them around for the fun of it ) and an overplayed contempt for religion ( crow teases guiteau incessantly about whether his vow of celibacy has made him prone to " getting woodies . " )
it can be argued that maybe i wanted too much from this movie .
if not scary and gory , i wanted tense , relentless , and exhausting .
_john carpenter's vampires_ is none of these .
i can only recommended it for the hardcore carpenter fan .
for the rest of you looking for a good scare , beware : _vampires_ is a film with no teeth .
| 0 | 170 |
synopsis : melissa , a mentally-disturbed woman who likes to smoke , seduces doug , a minor-league baseball player who likes to study anatomy , work on motorcycles , and make out with his girlfriend in a public library .
when doug decides to stop seeing her , melissa maliciously takes revenge on those around him , including his girlfriend , his mother , and his cat .
comments : malicious , i suppose , is an acceptable moview for what it is : a cheap , b-movie thriller which rips off dozens and dozens of spurned-psycho-lover-who-wants-revenge films ( like fatal attraction , hand that rocks the cradle , etc . etc . ) that have come before it .
malicious , however , really doesn't provide very many particularly suspenseful moments .
the plot starts off energetically enough , the main characters are introduced and the affair between doug and melissa begins and ends pretty early on in the film .
it starts to drag , unfortunately , after this .
melissa will obviously try to take her revenge on doug ( as always seems to happen in movies like these ) , but she does so in unimaginative ways that have been done in other , better thrillers before .
she drugs someone .
she kills a family pet and leaves it in the girlfriend's apartment .
and , of course , she stalks , so we see a number of shots , which are supposed to be suspenseful , where she's spying on doug and his girlfriend .
i won't reveal the ludicrous ending to this turkey , but i warn you that it's both painfully obvious and a real yawner .
john vernon does a remarkably good job at playing the not-so-bright baseball jock who initially gets swept away by melissa ( one of the script's faults is to try to pass off a character like this as a pre-med student ) .
the same cannot be said , though , for molly ringwald .
at times , she can effectively pull off the obsessed lover routine , especially during her silent , i'm-going-to-stare-you-down scenes .
at other times , however , she just seems somehow goofy and out of place .
in one particular scene which i guess was supposed to be suspenseful , she screeches " f--k you , you b-----d " and throws a phone .
she delivers the line so ridiculously that one can't help but laugh .
malicious certainly isn't the worst thriller of its kind out in the video racks ( a number of really fat turkies in this genre are out there ) , but it isn't all that good or original either .
feel free to treat this film maliciously , watch something else .
| 0 | 623 |
capsule : a short punchy action sequel to the two dinosaur films made by steven spielberg .
joe johnston directs a straightforward story of an excursion back to the island of the dinosaurs .
it lets us see some new dinosaurs ( is that an oxymoron ? ) and gives us a nice and generally reasonably written adventure .
the film is neither ambitious nor pretentious .
i had a good time .
, low +2 ( -4 to +4 )
here goes my credibility .
this is a film on which i expect to be in a minority .
i liked the third jurassic park film .
i even liked the second jurassic park film .
in a lot of ways jurassic park : the lost world was a creative three-way braiding together of michael crichton's novel the lost world , arthur conan doyle's novel the lost world , and the classic silent film version of the doyle .
jp2 was an adventure , as doyle said , " for the boy who's half man or the man who's half boy . "
that is what all the jurassic park films are .
expecting them to give the viewer insights into the human condition is like expecting your car to vacuum your house .
the classic adventure films like gunga din or king solomon's mines had under-written characters also .
jurassic park iii is an all out adventure on an island inhabited by dinosaurs .
the characters are a little more complex than they at first appear to be , and even that is a little more complex than i was expecting .
some of the characters who start out looking stupid and useless prove to be neither as the film proceeds .
that degree of complexity combined with those very realistic looking dinosaur effects is just about as much as i require .
i feel i got my money's worth .
the story opens with eric ( played by trevor morgan ) and friend parasailing near the forbidden island of isla sorna off costa rica .
this was the research island where the dinosaurs were created for the now defunct jurassic park .
they hope , no doubt , to get a look at the island's dinosaurs from a safe height .
the height is safe , but driving the boat in the water is not .
the two soon find themselves in trouble and have to ditch their parasail onto the island where they do indeed get a better look at the dinosaurs than they had intended .
flash to the united states and someone is offering to fund paleontologist alan grant ( sam neill ) in his research if he will go and fly over isla sorna and act as a guide .
he has said that no force on earth or heaven could get him back near real dinosaurs .
but again money convinces him to drop what he is doing and go .
doing the convincing is a wealthy and eccentric couple ( william h . macy and tea leoni ) who has been just about everywhere else in the world and wants the adventure of seeing real dinosaurs .
they too plan to see the island from a safe height grant is relieved to learn .
he will fly over this island at a safe altitude just this once .
right .
guess what happens next ?
jp3 probably functions better as a sequel than jp2 .
first it has alan grant and ellie sattler ( laura dern ) back rather than the much less appealing ian malcolm .
sattler has a much smaller part in jp3 , but is still present to tie this story to the first .
curiously each film seems to arrange to have a signature scene with characters holding on to some large metal object that is about to fall some great distance .
one thing that does not quite fit with the earlier films is just as grant discovers that raptors may be able to talk to each other , suddenly they seem to be doing it all the time .
they did not appear to be conversing in the previous films .
of course , these raptors look a little different also , so perhaps they are a different related species .
not only are they more intelligent than in the past films , they are also more sympathetic .
in this story they are not just killing machines , they have reasonable motives for what they do beyond nutrition .
this time around they may be a little too anthropomorphized .
each new film in the series introduces us to some new dinosaurs , of course .
in this film a major threat is from a spinosaurus , not as common or as popularly known as a tyrannosaurus , but larger and presumably more nasty .
it has a crocodile's head and the body that looks like a dimetrodon walking upright .
perhaps as an economy measure or just to create a mood the visual effects team frequently obscures our view of the dinosaurs .
sometimes they just move too fast to see .
occasionally darkness or fog obscures our vision .
a few times we get unconvincing matte shot , particularly of the laboratory .
but there is less money on the screen in terms of dinosaur effects than in the two previous films .
the musical score by don davis borrows heavily from john williams's score for the first film .
joe johnston , who directs , already has to his credit two very good films i recommend the rocketeer and october sky .
a team including alexander payne and jim taylor known for election writes the screenplay .
the film they have made is a long way from great cinema , but it still is fun .
if you get a thrill from seeing what look very much like live dinosaurs alive today , the film is for you .
i rate it a 7 on the 0 to 10 scale and a low +2 on the -4 to +4 scale .
| 1 | 1,421 |
in my review of there's something about mary , i said something to the effect of " laughter isn't everything . "
i now need to make a brief addendum to my postulate : laughter isn't everything , unless i'm watching a jim abrahams film .
see , spoofs are easy with me .
i love movies , and i love movies that make fun of movies that i love .
sometimes i'm the only one in the theater laughing .
sometimes i laugh so hard that i embarass myself because my laugh is so high-pitched in comparison to my speaking voice ( it cuts right through everyone else's laughter ) .
sometimes i laugh so much that my cheekbones are sore by the end of the film .
abraham's latest film , mafia ! , induced this kind of hysteria upon me .
it's gotten some mediocre reviews , but , hey , i'm the guy who laughs at everything .
there may be a lot of jokes that flop in this film , but there are far more that work , and i laughed so frequently that the failed jokes usually occurred as i was recovering from the previous bout of giddy madness .
i enjoy films like this because not one second of it is serious or thought-provoking .
most lighweight films that pose as comedies try to do other things , like develop characters , shape stories , and other such nonsense .
mafia !
has no pretentions about characters or story , and it exists for no other reason than to make people laugh .
the film begins on the perfect high note , with a mockery of the opening of casino .
our hero ( jay mohr ) is seen walking from a casino and getting into his car , which subsequently explodes and sends him flying through the air against a backdrop of flowing fire .
to describe the story of mafia !
is absurd and pointless , but i will mention that it basically follows the framework of the godfather films , with a lot of casino references inserted throughout .
along the way , the parodies seem arbitrary , and rarely victimize mob films : pictures like the english patient , forrest gump , and jaws undergo severe and hilarious bashing .
movies like this rely on just a few things , but the most important element is direction .
abrahams has been down this path many times before ( hot shots ! , top secret ! , airplane ! , and any other film with an exclamation point in the title ) , and so i hold most of the success of mafia !
to his experience .
he takes just the right attitude in each scene , and manages to wring at least a bit laughter out of even the most oddly placed references ( one inexplicable moment seems like it wants to make fun of titanic , but it never develops ) .
the actors are all energetic , which helps a lot with the tone of the film .
mohr ( suicide kings , paulie ) , who is quickly becoming one of my favorite actors , is so good here .
he looks like he's having so much fun that he's containing his laughter in every scene ( watch his face in the sequence by the swimming pool ) .
he's probably the only performer in the cast who manages to urge laughter without the help of the material .
lloyd bridges does a decent imitation of brando's godfather , while pamela gidley is dead-on in a full-blown mockery of sharon stone .
the hard thing about writing reviews for comedies is that i'm supposed to give examples of things and be specific .
unfortunately , i was so constantly blindsided by laughter during mafia !
that i can't remember a lot of what made me laugh .
but that's a good sign : mafia !
is so funny that i wasn't even given time to apply any of the scenes to memory .
i laughed so hard that it shut off my brain .
i know that doesn't sound particularly complimentary , but when watching a dumb comedy like this , the first thing i want to do is shut off my brain .
finally , a film that does this for me .
| 1 | 1,277 |
i know it already opened in december , but i finally got around to seeing rushmore last weekend , and it was one of those rare oppritunites that i got to leave the theatre feeling proud about paying the expensive ticket price .
as the final scene closed out in happy slow-mo fashion , i felt happy to have been priveleged enough to watch such a good display of filmmaking .
jason schwartzman , his face oddly intriguing behind those large braces and glasses , steals the show as max fischer , the most well known rushmore academy student who gets terrible grades , but compensates for it by organizing most of the school's clubs and organizations ( i . e .
the fencing team and writing and producing school plays ) and often pulling outrageous stunts , one that eventually earns him an expulsion .
this stunt , building an aquarium on the school's baseball diamond , is a plot to steal the heart of widowed elementary teacher rosemary cross ( olivia williams ) .
he funds this aquarium with the help of millionare herman blume ( a very oscarworthy bill murray ) , who eventually finds himself falling in love with miss cross .
rosemary and herman begin dating-and the fun begins ; herman and max go at it head to head in a battle for miss cross .
herman manages to destroy max's bike , while max cuts herman's brakes , and it goes on like this .
but eventually max realizes he is too young for miss cross , and he can't stand in the way of two people in love .
the academy of arts & sciences really messed up this year ; they completely overlooked rushmore ( and , if you ask me , it wasn't an accident ) .
it maybe wasn't best picture material , but it certainly deserved a screenplay nod ( instead of elizabeth ) , and bill murray's absense from the ballot is a complete snub .
the entire mood of the film is one reason it is so good ; at one point it's fun , and the next scene can turn serious and dramatic .
the cinematography gives the movie an important feeling , as well .
i hope rushmore can overcome its' oscar snubs , and be enjoyed by intelligent film goers .
| 1 | 1,562 |
melvin van peebles' " sweet sweetback's baadasssss song " was a watershed moment in the history of american cinema and the black movement .
it was released less than a decade after the civil rights movement had begun and almost twenty years before the rodney king incident .
its violent and highly sexualized revenge tale of a macho black hustler fighting back against white oppression and winning was something that had never been seen on an american movie screen before .
in style , content , and how it was conceived and produced , " sweet sweetback " was a cinematic revolution , whether or not one agrees with its subject matter .
van peebles , a black american who first gained recognition by writing novels in france , built " sweet sweetback " from the ground up almost entirely by himself .
because no studio would dare fund such a film , he was forced to raise all the money himself .
the movie ended up costing about $500 , 000 , part of which was put up by none other than bill cosby .
van peebles cut costs by hiring non-union labor and taking on most of the film's responsibilities himself .
he wrote the script , scored the music , edited and directed the film , as well as starred in the central role .
he was also a brilliant entrepreneur who always found a way to make an extra buck .
for instance , when the mppa slapped the film with a dreaded x-rating , van peebles not only threatened to bring a lawsuit against jack valenti and the mpaa , but he also developed a little marketing scheme : he coined the phrases " rated x by an all-white jury , " which he put on the movie posters to help advertise the film .
he also printed the phrase on tee-shirts which he had no problem selling .
the storyline in " sweet sweetback " is deceptively simple .
it takes place in los angeles , and van peebles stars as the title character , a tough male hustler of few words who grew up in a brothel , and makes money by doing what he does best : having sex .
one day , he agrees to go with a couple of amiable white cops down to the station to make it look like they're bringing in suspects on a politically-charged case involving murder .
however , on the way to the station the cops arrest a young black revolutionary named mu-mu ( hubert scales ) , who they proceed to beat viciously .
acting out of complete impulse rather than political motivation , sweetback fights back and beats the cops to the brink of death .
the rest of the film follows sweetback as he evades the cops on his way to eventual escape in mexico .
although the repetition of watching sweetback run gets a little old by the end of the film , this plot allows van peebles' camera to roam the darker side of l . a . - the ghettos , alleys , and back-street whorehouses that other films had always overlooked .
van peebles' entire point in making the movie was to secure on celluloid a vision of the black experience in america that other filmmakers had ignored .
at the beginning of " sweet sweetback , " he offers this epigraph , which is a traditional prologue used in medieval times when a messenger brought bad news : " sire , these lines are not an homage to brutality that the artist has invented , but a hymn from the mouth of reality . . . "
van peebles wanted to make sure that his vision was one of reality , not of exaggeration .
of course , with today's abundance of rap and hip hop music that sings the same ode to black inner-city life , as well as films by spike lee , john singleton , and the hughes brothers , " sweet sweetback " doesn't seem all that revolutionary .
it is important to remember that this film must be viewed in the context and time period in which it was made .
at that time , " sweet sweetback " was so controversial that only two theaters in the entire united states would play it .
distributors were petrified of a film that , in van peebles' words , gave the black audience " a chance to see some of their own fantasies acted out - about rising out of the mud and kicking ass . "
of course , once it caught on , it caught on big .
" sweet sweetback " is now considered to be the film that kicked off the blaxploitation era , although van peebles disassociates " sweetback " from other movies like " shaft " ( 1972 ) and " the mack " ( 1973 ) , because those were financed by big hollywood studios .
" sweet sweetback " is also the only film deemed mandatory viewing by the black panthers .
however , even if when viewed from an african-american perspective , " sweet sweetback " is certainly not without its controversies .
when it was first released , an article was published in " ebony " magazine denouncing the film , while at the same time the black panthers used an entire newsletter to praise it .
there have been arguments that the victory for sweetback is really no victory at all - beating cops and then running away to mexico is nothing to be proud of .
others have pointed out that sweetback has little to say throughout the film ; he has no political motivations , and therefore the violence and havoc he wreaks is not rooted in fundamental beliefs , but in personal and selfish motives .
still others point to the clich ? black potency that stereotypes sweetback as being good at nothing but having sex , illustrated in a scene where he gains the respect of a white biker group by bringing their female leader to orgasm .
nevertheless , a movie like " sweet sweetback " cannot be made without conflicting points of view .
it is a revolutionary movie not because it's about one man's defiance , but because it put front-and-center black issues that had never been dealt with before .
until that point , american cinema was an almost exclusively white domain , and with the exception of sidney poitier , all black actors were relegated to specifically black roles that were important only in relation to whites .
the fact that " sweet sweetback " was a movie by black about blacks , was something new ( in the opening credits , van peebles lists the starring actors as simply " the black community " ) .
van peebles tells an interesting story that goes a long way toward defining the difference between " sweet sweetback " and all movies that had come before it .
when the movie first opened , he saw it in a theater next to an older woman .
near the end of the film , when sweetback is wounded by the police and stumbling through the southern california desert , she kept saying to herself , " oh lord , let him die .
don't let them kill him .
let him die on his own . "
it was so ingrained in her mind that death was imminent for any african-american in a movie who rebelled against white authority , that she couldn't even conceive of the possibility that the film might end with his successful escape .
and , of course , sweetback does escape , and the screen fills with the message : " watch out !
a baad asssss nigger is coming back to collect some dues . "
beyond the political aspects , " sweet sweetback " is an entertaining picture , which van peebles always intended it to be .
he squeezed every drop out of his limited budget , and produced a film that , although dated now , was technically fantastic at the time .
he shot in rough , documentary-like fashion , while also utilizing almost every visual and aural trick his technology would allow him .
he makes good use of older techniques like split screens , freeze frames , reversed color schemes , and overlapping images .
the only time the film ever looks bad is during the night sequences , because van peebles simply did not have the needed equipment .
watching " sweet sweetback " more than twenty-five years after its initial release , one realizes that it still has bite .
arguments can be made that race relations in the united states have made quantum leaps since the early seventies , but there are still problems that are reflected in this film .
but there is more to the film than its racial aspect .
the legacy of " sweet sweetback's baadasssss song " is not only the plentiful amount of art and music told from the african-american perspective , but more importantly , the work of every artist who has fought to fund and produce that which is important to him .
| 1 | 1,783 |
depending on your degree of cinematic acumen , last man standing is either a ) a prohibition-era remake of akira kurosawa's 1961 classic yojimbo ; b ) a prohibition-era remake of sergio leone's 1964 classic a fistful of dollars ; c ) a prohibition-era action drama with a completely original story-line .
new line is certainly counting on the fact that there are far more potential viewers in category ( c ) than in the other two combined , much as the recent remakes of diabolique and the vanishing counted on avoiding such comparisons .
the fact is that there is yet another way of looking at last man standing , which is as the first film version of the story which nods to the _real_ source material , the dashiell hammett novel _red harvest_ .
it also shows that kurosawa and leone knew better what to do with that material than hammett himself .
this time around , the man with no name is played by bruce willis , a fellow with a shady history of an undefined nature who rolls into the texas border town of jericho one day on his way to mexico .
by all appearances , jericho is well on its way to becoming a ghost town , with the few remaining inhabitants generally belonging to one of two bootlegging operations fighting for control of liquor coming over the border .
one is headed by an irishman named doyle ( david patrick kelly ) ; the other is run by chicago-connected italian mobster strozzi ( ned eisenberg ) .
calling himself john smith , the man decides that there is money to be made from the conflict , and hires himself out as an enforcer to doyle's side .
but smith's allegiance is as uncertain as his name , and he begins to play the two sides against each other while trying to stay one step ahead of both of them .
viewers familiar with both previous incarnations of this story will find virtually nothing radically changed from a plotting standpoint , and that alone should make last man standing somewhat more respectable than other recent hollywood remakes-cum-bastardizations .
there is the happily ineffectual lawman ( bruce dern ) , the unhappily detained object of one of the bosses' affections ( karina lombard ) , the barkeep who becomes our anti-hero's only friend ( william sanderson ) , suspicious lieutenants ( christopher walken and michael imperioli ) to question the bosses' trust in smith , a brutal beating , and a big fire .
director walter hill gives the proceedings his usual injection of steroids , including a pair of guns for willis which have the ability to propel an assailant backward with sufficient thrust to achieve escape velocity , but at least he doesn't try to turn the story into a slasher film or a buddy picture .
what he _does_ do is nearly as big a mistake , and that is to provide a running voice-over narration by willis which rings of the standard hard-boiled style of pulp detective fiction .
yes , that narration is full of cliches , but those are are not particularly troubling .
the problem is that both yojimbo and a fistful of dollars succeeded largely on the inscrutability of their lead characters .
they were a mystery , to the other characters in the film and to the audience , their motives never entirely clear even after they have acted , and that quality contributed to their almost mythical status .
with john smith's voice chattering on in the background and allowing us into his every thought , he becomes more mundane , just another tough guy trying to stay alive .
it feels like a hammett novel , all right , and hill can plead faithfulness to his text for his choice , but it simply doesn't work .
the narration allows the man with no name to take us into his confidence , and the man with no name takes _no one_ into his confidence .
even if you walk into last man standing as a blank slate , i can't imagine it being much more than a heavily armed minor distraction .
willis tones down his macho swagger as the taciturn smith , but there is still a level on which he always seems like he is counting on being tougher than everyone else rather than smarter than everyone else .
christopher walken plays doyle's brutal henchman as a slight variation on his gallery of soft-spoken psychos , and there isn't another single character whom makes even the slightest impression .
with no compelling antagonist for smith , there is no build-up towards the expected showdown , and when it does come , that showdown is over so quickly you wonder what all the fuss was about .
cinematographer lloyd ahern ( who also did the only noteworthy work on hill's 1995 flop wild bill ) creates some nifty sunburned vistas , but his work is only to keep the eye distracted between the spurts of gunfire and the next bit of counter-productive narration .
sometimes when someone sees a lackluster remake of a revered original , they'll wonder what all the talk was about .
in the case of last man standing , it is those who know the originals who will wonder what all that talking was about .
| 0 | 202 |
senseless is a prime example of what can happen when you try to push a one-joke concept a bit too far .
director penelope spheeris is no stranger to this , having subjected audiences before to such tortures as the beverly hillbillies .
marlon wayans stars as darryl witherspoon , a college senior vying for a lucrative job at a prominent brokerage .
however , he lacks the advantages of his chief opposition , scott thorpe ( david spade , in the smarmy sort of role he can deliver in his sleep ) : an athletic record , sponsorship by a fraternity , and , most of all , a wealthy family to back him up .
in fact , darryl has to work at four jobs simply to make ends meet .
but there may be a light at the end of that tunnel .
he signs up as a human guinea pig in a neurological experiment run by the university's dr . wheedon ( brad dourif ) .
as a result , his senses are magnified tenfold .
using his newfound abilities , he sets himself in complete pursuit of the job ( unaware that there may be some disadvantageous side-effects to having super senses ) .
naturally , marlon wayans plays this comedy at full throttle , giving jim carrey-ish amounts of physical humor .
the problem is , aside from a few genuinely inspired bits , there's not much that's funny here .
the film has it's one central gag , and pads out the rest of its length with rather obvious lowbrow humor .
there obviously wasn't much thought put into the plot .
the entire job selection process is completely ridiculous .
i mean , why the emphasis on extra-curricular activities if the entire job is going to come down to a single-elimination quiz anyhow ?
and is this the only job being offered to economics majors this semester ?
to give it credit , senseless does try to create a secondary joke with darryl's roommate , tim laflour ( matthew lillard ) .
apparently , he is supposed to be faddish , but the film never does anything with him , leaving him in a piercing phase throughout the movie .
his " intervention " scenes with darryl , however , do provide a rare , and welcome , laugh .
and then there's the love interest which is always pathetically tacked onto comedies like this one .
in this case , the object of darryl's amor is janice ( tamara taylor ) , a fellow student who won't have anything to do with darryl until he gains his super-senses .
needless to say , the romance is completely extraneous , and adds little to the film .
this is a film that desperately needed something else .
be that a good plot , more jokes ( or simply funnier ones ) , or a strong character or two , anything would have helped senseless get off the ground .
as it is , all the manic exuberant mugging in the world can't help marlon wayans get this one off the ground .
| 0 | 592 |
the most depressing thing about the depressingly pedestrian james bond film " the world is not enough " is its final frame : white letters on a black background proclaiming " james bond will return . "
oh i certainly hope not .
with pierce brosnan in his third and reportedly last go-round as james bond 007 , " the world is not enough " is the best example to date that " 'enough " is enough .
in this , the 19th chapter in the seemingly-endless franchise featuring ian fleming's debonair british secret agent who likes his martinis--and his nemeses--shaken not stirred , the sub-inspired screenwriters have chosen to rehash all of the setups , stunts , and sexy encounters of the previous 18 bond flicks rather than coming up with anything the slightest bit original .
we've got previously-used speedboat chases , ski chases , and sticky situations aboard nuclear submarines .
we've got a couple of hot-to-trot babes without an ounce of acting ability between them .
we've got a post-cold war megalomaniac bent on world domination slash destruction ( here played by a skinheaded robert carlyle with mean , lean panache ) .
and , as has been the case since 1977's " the spy who loved me , " we've got a plot that has nothing whatsoever to do with anything conceived by mr . fleming .
we've also got a main title song by garbage to which , with very little effort , you can fit the lyrics to * both * songs from " tomorrow never dies . "
while originality was never the series' strong suit , the films were almost always fun , with at least some thought going into the nonstop stunts .
i can't think of one memorable set-piece in the entire--and very dull-- " the world is not enough . "
in addition , michael apted ( yes , the respected director of such films as " coal miner's daughter , " " nell , " and the " 28up " documentary series ) takes embarrassing advantage of the full range of bond clich ? s .
you get the " talking killer " plot device--you know the scenario : the bad guy has the good guy at his mercy yet waxes poetic just long enough to die of old age .
and you get a slew of high-priced assassins who can't hit a barn door at 20 paces : in the film's opening minutes ( of an endless 128 ) , bond chases a sultry sniper along the thames and the leather-clad lovely fails to hit bond's souped-up " fishing boat " with a bazooka when he pulls within a few feet of her .
later , she takes off in a hot air balloon with bond dangling from a guy rope beneath her but is still unable to take him out .
these reliable absurdities are more frustrating than usual since there are no distractions other than occasional ads for luxury automobiles , vodka , or credit cards .
in and among the rampant product placements , brosnan grapples with carlyle , " braveheart " 's sophie marceau ( as former kidnap victim slash heiress elektra king ; she's terrible ) , " wild things " ' denise richards ( as a nuclear physicist lord help me ; she's laughable ) , and judi dench as m . dame judi brings the only shred of dignity to a series that has long since jettisoned its self-respect ( about the time roger moore inherited bond's walther ppk ) .
brosnan goes through the motions with the grace and charm you'd expect of the former " remington steele " star , but even he has to be thinking there's more to life than an easy paycheck .
he's given plenty of wiseacre asides to deliver , but only one of them-- " i don't know any doctor jokes " --made me chuckle ( although " i thought christmas only comes once a year " is more in keeping with the series' penchant for grown-worthy puns ) .
| 0 | 330 |
alexandre dumas meets hong kong action with newcomer justin chambers reprising the oft-played character of dashing swordsman d'artagnon in director peter hyam's adventure " the musketeer . "
for some reason that i may figure out later , i don't know why the time , money and effort were put into the making of " the musketeer . "
it may be that someone had the clever idea of combining the dumas characters and story with the current enamor with the action work of hong kong imports like this film's xin-xin xiong ( " once upon a time in china " ) and yuen woo-ping from " crouching tiger , hidden dragon . "
the result is a mix of genres that don't mesh well .
elements of the ritz brothers-style comedy ( for those few who remember that comedic troupe from the 1939 " the three musketeers " ) , the man with no name from " a fistful of dollars " ( d'artagnan demands that the bad guys apologize to his horse in a direct ref to the clint eastwood spaghetti western ) and hong kong action choreography are all utilized in the original script by gene quintano .
the result is an action flick that bears little resemblance to its source material while it makes contemporary that material in an effort to grab the " matrix " crowd .
alexandre dumas may well be rolling in his grave if he knows what was done to his classic oeuvre and characters .
the real problem with the " the musketeer " lies in the casting of the two lead , romantically intertwined characters , d'artagnan and francesca ( mena suvari ) .
chambers has the boyishly handsome good looks for the character , a la chris o'donnell , but lacks any onscreen charisma .
suvari has the doe-eyed , pretty looks as the chambermaid who has the ear of the queen , but she , too , does not have the chemistry to command the screen .
if " the musketeer " makes them any money , they should invest in acting lessons .
stronger performers may have helped to raise the bar on this one .
the supporting cast is , on the surface , impressive .
catherine denueve plays the queen of france and lends her character an air of royalty , dignity and humor , especially when she plays off of d'artagnan's mentor , planchet ( jean-pierre castaldi , who reminds of andre the giant in " the princess bride ) .
stephen rea looks good in the part of the conniving usurper cardinal richelieu , but is given very little to help flesh out his character .
tim roth is the kind of bad guy you love to hate as the cardinal's chief henchman , febre .
he is so bad he makes simon legree look like a boy scout .
the rest of the players , particularly the three musketeers aramis ( nick moran , " lock , stock and two smoking barrels " ) , porthos ( steve spiers ) and athos ( jan gregor kremp ) , are background fodder whose role is to come to d'artagnan's aid when needed .
peter hyam's does double duty as director and cinematography and may be too stretched to do both well .
a stronger hand at the helm could have helped the mediocre performances of the leads and better utilized his veteran thesps .
photography is straightforward action fare that goes through all the appropriate action flick motions - d'artagnan takes on a tavern full of thugs and bests them single-handed ; he fights a gang of febre's henchmen aboard a speeding coach to protect the queen ( with the obligatory branches hanging over the road ) ; he goes one on one with his lifelong enemy , febre , who murdered d'artagnan's folks years before .
it is all routine stuff .
the renowned wire work developed by the hong kong action masters is used to artificial effect as the players leap , defying gravity , up walls and from horse to horse .
it works in a sci-fi film like " the matrix " or in a classical fantasy like " crouching tiger , hidden dragon " but just calls attention to itself in " the musketeer . "
at one point i could swear i saw the stunt wire being used .
it did not make me a believer and i am very disappointed .
with a run time of 106 minutes it should have been more like 80 and i give it a d .
| 0 | 978 |
" psycho meets the exorcist with no holds barred " .
a blurb like that sounds like desperate publicity for some low budget , third rate rip-off .
but no , this tacky plug comes from the poster for suspiria , perhaps italian horror director dario argento's most consistently successful film .
what impresses most in re-watching this surrealistic , supernatural thriller is that argento's directorial flair and stylish visuals are matched by a near-fully coherent narrative .
screenplays have always been his achilles heel ; confusing subplots , gaping holes , totally illogical incidents and reactions .
no question : argento has always been a better director than a writer .
fortunately , he gets the plotting pretty well right with suspiria , taking his cue from a book by thomas de quincey called " suspiria de profundis " .
the film's storyline suffers from no major lapses in logic , provided one can accept the premise of a ballet school being a front for a coven of witches .
jessica harper plays an american who travels to germany to further her studies in dance .
arriving at the school late at night in driving rain , she sees a girl leave and run into the storm in a clearly distressed state .
what happens next - and i don't make the comparison lightly - is a murder sequence that for intensity , shock value and sheer directorial flair ranks alongside alfred hitchcock's infamous shower scene in psycho .
it's quite possibly a homage to hitchcock , but with its baroque sets , graphic gore and brilliantly chaotic musical accompaniment by the gothic rock group goblin , this stunning sequence remains very much argento's own .
though nothing else quite equals the intensity of suspiria's opening 15 minutes , the film continues to be never anything less than engrossing as harper begins her own investigations and slowly comes to realise this is no ordinary ballet school .
we meet an assortment of slightly sinister characters , most notably the head ballet teacher played by alida valli in another one of those delicious sour-old-matriarch-from-hell roles she does so well .
several more violent murders ensue , including a startling scene in a deserted square where a blind man is . . . well , i wouldn't want to spoil things now , would i ? and the film's climax , staged amid secret corridors and hidden rooms , has a gothic ghoulishness that's most impressive .
the english language versions of most argento movies usually suffer trimming , and not just for the violence - deep red and phenomena , for example , have been appallingly hacked about .
fortunately , the cuts to suspiria ( about 7 minutes in this version ) have not adversely affected the film .
the dubbing of the italian actors into english is quite competently done , too , excepting one appalling and unintentionally hilarious effort with a conversation between harper and a professor about the history of witchcraft in the region .
and the soundtrack ?
it is interesting to imagine what power the film would have lost if it had been scored by someone else .
as it stands , the use of goblin's music in suspiria is outstanding .
apparently , argento played the soundtrack on location while filming so the actors could hear the music as they acted out their parts .
a stereo video player adds greatly to the viewer's overall experience .
even better , see suspiria in a cinema , where you'll get the added bonus of widescreen .
and the colours !
deep reds , eerie blues , a superb use of shadow and contrast .
the cinematography of luciano tovoli , whose more recent credits include reversal of fortune and single white female , is uniformly superb .
a nod also must go to production designer giuseppe bassan for his wonderful baroque interiors .
these kinds of settings are crucial to the atmosphere of argento's more surreal excursions , the other most notable example being inferno ( 1980 ) on which bassan also worked .
suspiria is the film that broke dario argento into the major league of european directors , and it is fully deserving of its cult status .
the gore is at times a little excessive and overstated - that's always been one of argento's shortcomings - but overall this is a fascinating , compelling example of italian horror .
| 1 | 1,691 |
to put it bluntly , ed wood would have been proud of this .
a totally ridiculous plot is encompassed with bad humor , hokey drama , zero logic and a crap screenplay .
also , a beautifully anti-climactic ending .
not to say it didn't look intriguing when i saw the previews .
so much for truth in advertising .
roland emmerich , who's later " independence day " would look like " the 400 blows " compared to this , co-writed and directed this inane sci-fi film which uses the cliche of there being some connection between eqypt and aliens .
in a useless opening sequence , men find a stone in 1914 with hieroglyphics on it .
it wouldn't be till present day ( '94 ) till they would actually figure it out .
they're decipherer ?
a slightly-neurotic scientist ( nice twist ) , dr . dan jackson ( james spader , doing his best outside of erotic thrillers and some indy fare ) who's life sucks so much that people walk out of his lectures after the third word .
why do they use him to decipher what no one else could ?
so there is a hokey ending !
duh !
he figures it out in about a minute .
yea .
and then they get a suicidal colonel or something , " jack " o'neill ( kurt russel , with his wyat earp locks in the beginning then a flat-top that would make howie long snap into a fetal position ) .
why a suicidal colonel ?
for the ending !
you'll get the hang of this .
they open the stargate , a bunch of them go through it with a bomb to blow it up if they find anything bad .
after an overdone special effects thing , they're . . . inside a goddam pyramid .
so they went to egypt , right ?
wrong .
they're on another planet that was filmed in egypt .
they discover a cilvilization ruled by ra , the sun god ( the androginous jaye davidson , with a voice modifier to make him sound like barry white with asthma ) , and there are fights , explosions and a kiss between two people .
yea .
also melodrama , stupidity , hokey scenes and a bizarre language .
an anti-climactic ending ends with stupid lines ( " say hello to king tut , asswhole ! "
- the quintessential line , lemme tell ya ) and some convenient pesudo-pseudo-pseudo-character development .
by the end , you just wanna go home and watch , i don't know , the " outer limits " or something .
the script's terrible .
the special effects are okay , but nothing great .
the story's so weak that it's almost opaque .
the whole experience just isn't worth it unless you're so bored that you'd consider watching a " full house " marathon . . . or
this .
i'd pick this , obviously , but still , it's just not fun at all .
and i can't wait for it to premier on mst3k .
| 0 | 956 |
" i would appreciate it if you didn't do that again . "
starring jet li , bridget fonda , tch ? ky karyo , burt kwouk .
directed by chris nahon .
rated r .
it's no secret that martial arts film often use their plot simply to get from one action sequence to another .
when the fight scenes are enough to justify paying admission , there is no problem with this , as in most jackie chan projects and a lot of the hong kong actioners .
when they aren't , well , we're in bad shape .
kiss of the dragon , jet li's second consecutive american misfire , plays like one big miscalculation , and fails even as the most rudimentary entertainment .
now before i start getting e-mails angrily touting the genius of jet li , let me explain myself .
li is as spectacular as ever here , and i don't think anyone would ever dare call his martial-arts-star skills into question .
the problem isn't with him , it's with the movie's tone .
the much touted fight-scenes here are filmed with such unflinching , unrelenting brutality that they are unpleasant to watch .
they're joyless , perfuctory ; li's rogue chinese detective is more of a killing machine than a hero , a terminator with a black belt instead of a metal skeleton .
but even the terminator in judgement day had a sympathetic side .
the plot isn't relevant , but if you're curious , it's some nonsense about a chinese law enforcement officer ( li ) sent to paris to investigate a possible drug ring and encounter a corrupt chief of police ( tcheky karyo ) , who kills people and does sinister things with no motivation whatsoever .
oh yeah , and li's character is also an acupuncture expert who is able to ease pain and/or kill at the touch of a needle .
" kiss of the dragon " is the name of an acupuncture maneuver , in which you stick a needle in a precise location on the back of the victim's neck , somehow redirecting all of the body's bloodflow to the brain and killing the poor sap more or less immediately .
there's a vague attempt to humanize li by having him fall in love with a downtrodden prostitute , whose daughter is being held hostage , for some reason , by the villain .
this is one of the worst love stories i have ever seen on screen , even worse than the one in pearl harbor .
there's no conviction whatsoever as the movie barely pays lip service to it ; it's only here because someone apparently thought there should be some kind of boy-meets-girl subplot .
kiss of the dragon was written by luc besson , whose screenplay the messenger : the story of joan of arc , for all of that film's flaws , was at least thoughtful .
i don't know why the guy got himself involved in this train wreck , but perhaps he wanted to so something more mainstream after the neverending weirdness of the fifth element and the aforementioned stylized biopic .
i suppose you could call this mainstream , but i'll choose the bizarre any time of the day .
if action scenes in a movie are going to be brutal instead of dazzling , you need a story to justify watching them .
the filmmakers behind kiss of the dragon should have rethought their strategy .
no one will walk out of this misbegotten project smiling , but i hear rush hour 2 is coming in just a few weeks .
| 0 | 855 |
in this re-make of the 1954 japanese monster film , godzilla is transformed into a " jurassic park " copy who swims from the south pacific to new york for no real reason and trashes the town .
although some of the destruction is entertaining for a while , it gets old fast .
the film often makes no sense ( a several-hundred foot tall beast hides in subway tunnels ) , sports second-rate effects ( the baby godzillas seem to be one computer effect multiplied on the screen ) , lame jokes ( mayor ebert and his assistant gene are never funny ) , horrendous acting ( even matthew broderick is dull ) and an unbelievable love story ( why would anyone want to get back together with maria pitillo's character ? ) .
there are other elements of the film that fall flat , but going on would just be a waste of good words .
only for die-hard creature feature fans , this might be fun if you could check your brain at the door .
i couldn't .
( michael redman has written this column for 23 years and has seldom had a more disorienting cinematic experience than seeing both " fear and loathing " and " godzilla " in the same evening . )
| 0 | 44 |
>from the commercials , this looks like a mild-mannered neil simonesque tale with mary tyler moore baring her bra touted as the highlight .
instead it turns out to be a hilarious film running in high gear from beginning to end .
the concept is deceptively pedestrian .
an adult adopted son is looking for his biological parents and encounters eccentric characters along the way .
the movie demonstrates just how far a good script and actors can take a mundane idea .
the son and his wife take off on the search accompanied by a woman from the agency who located his parents .
following one dead end lead after another , each funnier than the previous , they eventually end up in new mexico with his real biological parents : alan alda and lily tomlin .
it's difficult to condense the mile-a-minute plot .
seemingly hundreds of scenes jump on top of each other without giving you a chance to recover from the last one .
without giving too much away , one of the better episodes involves a gay federal alcohol , tobacco and firearms agent attempting an arrest while tripping on lsd as his bi-sexual partner is upstairs licking the armpit of a woman while her husband is in the next room seducing their traveling companion .
and it's all done in a fairly clean , almost ( well , maybe not exactly ) family fare manner .
a grand cast ( tomlin , alda , moore , ben stiller , patricia arquette , tea leoni , george segal ) interacts in a seamless parade of laughs .
drawing from a more hyper woody allen style , the film succeeds beyond expectations .
| 1 | 1,975 |
i came to an epiphany while watching the bachelor , an innocuous-enough-on-the-surface romantic comedy .
it's not the sort of film in which one would expect to achieve any moment of clarity , but there it was nonetheless .
i sat there watching this marshmallow of a movie unfold when suddenly i realized what is so ridiculously wrong with the entire romantic comedy genre circa 1999 .
in a word , it's the same thing that's wrong with so many movies circa 1999 : writing .
more to the point , it's the refusal to acknowledge that characterizations matter when you're telling a story about a relationship .
the bachelor is merely the latest in a long line of films where we're expected to get dewy-eyed over any pairing of attractive , pleasant people just because they're attractive and pleasant .
in this particular case , attractive and pleasant exhibit a is jimmy shannon ( chris o'donnell ) , a single guy who has been watching his friends slowly but surely sucked into marriage .
it's a scary notion for jimmy , even though he dearly loves attractive and pleasant exhibit b anne ( renee zellweger ) , his girlfriend of three years .
convinced despite his reservations that it's time to " sh * t or get off the pot , " jimmy proposes to anne -- very badly .
anne refuses , which leaves jimmy in a very odd position when his eccentric grandfather ( peter ustinov ) dies and leaves a very specific video will .
jimmy stands to inhereit $100 million if he is married by 6 : 05 p . m . on his 30th birthday , stays married for 10 years and produces a child .
there are only a couple of minor problems : 1 ) jimmy's 30th birthday is the next day ; 2 ) anne is nowhere to be found , meaning jimmy has to find another willing bride from among his many ex-girlfriends .
it's a wacky , brewster's millions-esque premise ( acknowledged as such in one of the film's better , more self-aware lines of dialogue ) , the kind where a shallow and materialistic guy learns what really matters .
at least that would be the case if jimmy weren't already a world-class altruist .
screenwriter steve cohen slides into the story an even more draconian condition in the will : if jimmy doesn't get married , not only will he lose all the money , but the family billiard table buisness will be sold out from under him , costing hudreds of jobs .
from the outset , jimmy's motivation isn't cash ; it's the livelihoods of his devoted employees .
it's almost embarrassing for his marital misgivings to play a role in the bachelor's plot development .
by any human standard , the guy is impossibly selfless .
and that's the essence of the gutlessness endemic to films like the bachelor -- the fear of giving the characters flaws to overcome on their way to happiness .
there's never any tension between the two star-crossed lovers , because there's no sense that anything remotely significant is at stake .
the blandly nice o'donnell couldn't pull off a randy cad if he tried , so the filmmakers don't even let him ; zellweger's anne may have issues with her sickeningly affectionate parents as an impossible standard to live up to , but no one dares make her anything but the woman ( lightly ) wronged .
and forget about seeing enough of jimmy and anne together to feel invested in their potential reconciliation .
the parade of sit-com set pieces had better be damned funny , since they're all that stands between us and a blissfully sweet foregone conclusion .
i'll admit a couple of those set pieces are amusing , including ustinov's rantings about procreation and a restaurant full-to-bursting with men popping questions and champagne corks .
far more of them are either tedious or downright ghastly , like the shudder-inducing sight of brooke shields as an icy fortune-hunter or the hideous collection of stereotypes when hundreds of potential brides gather in a church .
you're never going to get too many raucous belly laughs from a film like the bachelor , but that's not the real problem .
nor is it the real problem that you know exactly the kind of warm-n-fuzzy conclusion it's leading up to .
the problem are a beginning and middle that are equally warm-n-fuzzy -- there's no spark , no energy , no humanity .
it's an emotional pudding guaranteed not to offend any consumer's digestions .
we've reached a point where our proxies for cinematic romantic wish fulfillment don't even have a pulse .
the bachelor is love among the mannequins .
| 0 | 859 |
warning : spoilers are included in this review . . .
but it doesn't really make much of a difference .
deep impact begins the official summer movie season , and it also brings back memories of 1997 .
remember when dante's peak came out in february ?
a few months later , volcano was released .
the first film was smart , exhilirating , and one of the best disaster films i had ever seen .
the latter film was an incohesive mess that defied logic and wasted talent .
well , it's deja vu all over again as two disaster films go head to head in competition .
this time , unfortunately , the first comet flick is so bad that people may shy away from armageddon , the upcoming comet-disaster to be released the beginning of july .
of course , the general reaction of the audience was oppposed to mine , and so i am in the minority , as i was when i stood on the side of dante's peak .
but while watching deep impact , i began to wonder how anyone in their right mind could actually like this film .
apparently many did , and it utterly baffles me .
to be completely honest , i haven't had this little fun watching a disaster film in my entire life .
volcano had implausibilities up the wazoo , but it was still rather fun to watch .
deep impact doesn't just have implausibilities , it also contains cheap human drama , incredibly horrible special effects , and a poorly constructed plot .
the only thing that gives it a half star above my bottom ranking is a slightly entertaining final fifteen minutes and some good actors making the most of their characters .
deep impact begins in an unnamed year ( the year varies ; advanced technology sets it in the future , but fire in the sky is showing on a local movie theater , pushing it back to 1993 ) .
a line of students is outside at night , peering through telescopes at the dark sky above .
among these are leo biederman ( elijah wood ) and sarah hotchner ( leelee sobieski ) .
leo unknowingly discovers a comet , and his teacher sends a photo of the unknown object to an astronomer , who then is able to determine the correct path of this distant comet in about a few seconds .
he races off to mail the information , but is killed in a reckless car accident .
a year passes , and nothing is heard about it again .
we are then introduced to jenny lerner ( t ? a leoni ) , a reporter for msnbc .
she gets handed a job to investigate a possible cover-up in the government involving senator alan rittenhouse ( james cromwell ) .
she talks to a woman who mentions that rittenhouse was having an affair with a girl named ellie .
after talking with rittenhouse , and unsatisfied with the information she gets , she decides to use the internet for help .
luckily , she knows exactly how to spell the certain " ellie " that she is looking for ( they spell it ele in the film . . .
that girl is pretty darn smart for guessing how it was spelled ) .
before she can use the information , the government decides to push her car off the road .
they take her in to meet the president of the united states , president beck ( morgan freeman ) .
beck recommends that jenny keep the information secret for 48 hours so they can confirm it and then hold a press conference .
naturally , she wants to be compensated , and they offer her a front row seat and the chance for the first question .
and so , yada yada yada , they reveal the comet to the public and their plans : send a massive spacecraft out to destroy it before it can arrive .
they announce a plan called " ark , " which is their only hope for survival .
a computer will select 800 , 000 people at random .
these people are the ones who will go into a large cave underground so that the impact of the comet won't kill off the entire human race .
after two years , the dust will settle ( actually , it would take much , much longer--approximately ninety years , from what i understand ) and the humans could come back to the surface and start over .
the rest of the plot is your standard disaster film procedures , but there is one subplot worth mentioning .
jenny and her father , jason ( maximilian schell ) , have a very touching relationship that forms out of the impending doom .
the final moment involving the two characters is heartfelt and emotional .
it's a shame that nothing else is heartfelt .
now , of course , we all know that the comet does impact the surface .
the title alone suggests it , and the previews actually show it !
by doing this , absoltuely no tension can be drawn from any attempt to stop the comet because we all know that it won't work .
director mimi leder came from her successful tries at direction with episodes of the hit television show " er . "
her major film debut was the peacemaker , a pathetic and heartless action film .
well , this time leder outdid herself , creating a film worse than that one .
suggestion to ms . leder : please , stay away from the big screen , or at least the action genre .
much of the blame can be placed on leder directly , because the pace is disastrously off .
throughout the film we are given subtitles that tell us how much time has passed ( it goes from months to weeks to hours ) .
it literally feels like this lapsed time is taking place in real-time--it's that boring .
of course , leder isn't all to blame for it .
screenwriters michael tolkin and bruce joel rubin have crafted a simplistic story that only gets worse with time .
what starts out promising soon turns deadly ( for the audience anyway ) .
chock full of cheesy one liners ( " you know , you are going to have more sex than anyone else in school ! " )
and stupid characters , you might think we were back in the 70s again .
only one of the subplots is remotely interesting , while the rest are forgettable and boring .
and the main plot is so outrageous that you can't figure out if this film is supposed to be an action , drama , or sci-fi .
to put it simply : the special effects of this film are a hit and miss situation .
that's right , 80% miss , and 20% hit .
scenes above the earth are well done , and the orbiting ship is majestic .
but the comet is a huge mistake , making it more laughable than frightening .
the concept of even trying to land on a comet is preposterous enough , but that's forgiveable .
what isn't forgiveable is actually having humans walk on the surface .
give me a break , will ya ?
and of course , the much hyped collision of comet and earth .
well , it is far from spectacular , and it makes independence day look brilliant .
the water rushing towards the land is effective , but once it hits the continent , the effects turn ridiculous .
cgi water is used , and it looks so bad that i heard more laughs from the audience than shrieks .
in fact , i may even recommend the film for those who want to see how bad effects can actually get these days .
just when we think visual effects can't be improved , along comes a film to show that they really can and should be .
one thing has struck a wrong note with me concerning mimi leder's direction , which also influences the actors .
leder loves to show the actors' faces before and during moments of terror .
this reminded me of another action director , renny harlin ( die hard 2 , cliffhanger ) .
but harlin succeeds because he shows the faces of the victims in realistic situations .
leder likes to flaunt people's fears via their faces , but instead of coming off as sympathetic , leder seems more of a sadist .
one moment has an astronaut flying off into space .
this should be enough to warrant a response from the audience , but leder wants to go farther and shows us the person's face while drifting into space .
this is one of the cheapest ways to ellicit an emotional response from an audience , and i , for one , am not going to be fooled .
on another note , leder's film only picks up its pace during the last fifteen minutes when the comet actually impacts .
the pace does pick up , and some very emotional moments are shown .
then again , when you watch people cry for their loved ones , it's obvious it will be emotional .
it's mostly just a big trick to rope viewers into " feeling " for the characters , but it didn't work for me .
but anyway , the actors do as much as they can with what they are given .
t ? a leoni ( bad boys , tv's " the naked truth " ) is the best of the film , and she is given the meatiest role .
her character is made stronger by leoni's presence , and we grow to care for her .
robert duvall is energetic and fun to watch , but his character is turned into shreds by the plot .
elijah wood also comes off rather successfully , but he still hasn't had many good roles ( wood , stick to drama !
you are too talented for this stuff ) .
vanessa redgrave is barely acknowledgeable , and her performance is only enhanced by her strong presence on screen .
maximilian schell is distracting , but he does provide some nice humor .
morgan freeman has been infinitely better than this , and gives one of his most shallow performances to date ( which is quite remarkable for him ) .
leelee sobieski could have been better , but i think she just suffered from a poorly written character .
a special note should go to ron eldard and denise crosby .
eldard is good in his role , but is limited by the plot .
crosby is special to me personally because she was tasha yar from tv's " star trek : the next generation . "
seeing her was one of the highlights of the film .
overall , a very talented cast virtually wasted .
deep impact is rated pg-13 for disaster related elements and brief language .
this is one of the worst films of the year , and if it is any omen of things to come , this summer could be one of the worst ever .
luckily , the x-files movie is coming up , and hopefully armageddon will be more successful .
it's a shame that this film will do so successfully because it just isn't worth much .
costing nearly $75 million , with special effects done by the illustrious ilm ( which is a huge shocker ) , and with a score composed by oscar-winner james horner ( titanic ) , one might have expected this to be more fun to witness and experience .
well , it's not .
when the comet does hit the earth , you almost wish it could just take this film along with it .
| 0 | 906 |
this movie is written by the man who is deemed to be " one of the hottest writers in hollywood " .
he wrote the groundbreaking screenplay for scream ( 8/10 ) , then added the successful i know what you did last summer ( 7 . 5/10 )
script to his mix , and also created the popular tv series " dawson's creek " .
so when he asked to direct his first movie , based on his first ever script written , everyone and their grandma said " sure , go for it ! " .
uhhm , my question is . . . did anyone bother reading this stupid script ? ? ?
plot : ace student leigh ann watson is mistakenly caught with some cheating papers by the bitchiest teacher in the west , mrs . tingle , and set to lose her scholarship to college .
when she and her friends visit the teacher at home in order to explain their side of the story , they end up tying her up , and slowly trying to talk some sense into the hardheaded woman .
critique : it's not so much that this is a bad movie , than the fact that it sucks .
this movie is chock-full of one-dimensional characters , contains no actual humor that i was able to zone in on , zero tension or thrills , plot holes the size of my big ass , lame pop tunes played to mask nothing going on in the movie , and molly ringwald , vivica a . fox and lesley anne warren tossed away in throwaway roles .
i was primed for this film as its interesting premise had me thinking misery ( 8/10 ) and 9 to 5 , but unfortunately for williamson , he went nowhere with the bright foundation , making references to the exorcist and dr .
zhivago , which i doubt many in his target market will appreciate .
he also forgot about suspense , with all of his characters based on incomprehensible decisions , unbelievable motivations and simply boring us with all of their trite dialogue .
sure , katie holmes is cute , and her co-star , marisa coughlan , did a reasonably amusing impression of the exorcist ( worth two points out of my three on ten ) , but how can we forgive the biggest one-dimensional character in any film , holmes' rival in the film , mrs . tingle's complete unprofessionalism being let go by all others around her ( are teachers allowed to behave that way nowadays ? ) and a transparent romance between holmes and some long-haired dude , hired to be the poor man's version of skeet ulrich ( who himself is a poor man's version of johnny depp ! ) .
all in all , this movie was laughable for me , provided me with no insight into anything , demonstrated williamson's genuine lack of directorial skills alongside a juvenile script , and provided helen mirren with a great role to chew into , unfortunately forgetting to give her character any believability , humanity or capacity to comprehend .
no hip lines , no cheap thrills , just a dull time at the movie theater .
if you want to see a funny teenage movie , go see detroit rock city ( 8/10 ) , and thank my drunken , sorry ass in the morning .
little known facts about this film and its stars : kevin williamson's father was a fisherman .
kevin used his knowledge of fishing hooks and winches when creating the killer in i know what you did last summer ( 7 . 5/10 ) .
he is also a huge fan of steven spielberg and coincidentally , so is dawson leery on tv's " dawson's creek " , a show kevin created .
he was once an aspiring actor .
in fact , he even landed a bit part on tv's " another world " .
also , williamson has gone on record to say that an unsupportive english teacher who once told him that he would never amount to anything was the inspiration for mrs . tingle , which is also loosely based on the book " killing mr . griffin " by the writer of i know what you did last summer ( 7 . 5/10 ) ,
lois duncan .
he has also come out and said that he is a gay man .
helen mirren was born in london , england under the name ilynea lydia mironoff .
she is married to director taylor hackford , whose works include devil's advocate ( 8/10 ) and an officer and a gentleman ( 8 . 5/10 ) .
this film was originally titled killing mrs .
tingle , but was changed after the columbine high school shooting incident .
actress marisa coughlan will star in kevin williamson next tv project called " wasteland " .
this is actor barry watson first full feature film .
he has played the character of " seth " on tv's " malibu shores " several times .
| 0 | 155 |
watching the movie , i vowed to subtract half a star from the review because the filmmakers included a saccharine syrup , cute 'n cuddly , computer-generated monkey .
if the monkey died , the movie got an extra half star .
alas , the monkey showed up at the end , unharmed , to the wet sickly sound of gagging and rolling eyeballs .
what that means is that lost in space actually deserved 2 stars .
that's pretty generous , considering the movie's camp lacked any hint of tongue in cheek .
when will robinson ( jack johnson ) teaches his pet robot about friendship , you are actually supposed to buy it .
so why such a seemingly high rating ?
there are a few reasons that made me unable to throw away the experience with the garbage .
first , we saw the movie on opening night of the first day of operation of a brand new theater .
the sound and screen kicked ass .
nobody in the country enjoyed the movie as much as my audience did ( and i don't necessarily mean that in a good way ) .
also , there were more than zero scenes where i found myself rooting for the robinsons , or getting caught up in the movie's tension .
i even liked the computer-generated settings .
i usually prefer to see models or sets , but the cg was more detailed than i've seen in a lot of movies ; it looks like someone spent a little overtime to render some of the futuristic cities .
also , gary oldman is never a bad actor , even though he is typecast as a villain .
william hurt isn't too bad either .
neither actor had a great role , but their performances were watchable .
and perhaps i shouldn't admit this , but something about the tone and outlook of the movie brought me back to my childhood .
there is very little swearing or blood ; there is a strong moral message , saccharine though it is ; there is a bit of romance ( whose culmination after 2 hours is a " real " kiss -- no sex ) .
it felt like one of those disney movies that i so looked forward to when i was six .
those movies were probably as bad as lost in space , but at the time , they were manna from heaven .
that type of moviemaking is a lost art .
now for the bad news .
worst and most unforgivable was the incredibly bad dialogue .
it's squeaky-clean , family fun , trying hard to be as hip as pulp fiction .
" you better hold on to your joystick , " is one such line .
and when a robinson is called upon to deliver a line about warp conduit thingamajigs , they inevitably stumble badly enough to embarrass even the lowliest star trek ensign .
second worst , and closely related , is the screenplay .
the story's exposition takes place at a press conference , which allows the writers to explain what's happening with the least amount of creativity , effort , or interest .
once the story gets going , i do concede a momentary burst of interest once in a while , but on the whole , the situations that arise are silly and contrived .
when gary oldman easily reprograms will's pet robot to kill the robinsons , my friend summed it up perfectly : " he flipped the switch to 'evil . ' "
then there's the tone of the movie .
the colorado daily said the film would have been more interesting if the central character was will robinson and not his father john robinson .
then it could be an adventure movie .
they're mostly right , except that johnson ( will ) wasn't a good enough actor to carry it off .
still , that the film has the robinson patriarch as our hero shows a lack of imagination .
just because a movie is tame enough for kids doesn't mean that we have to bow to a " promise keepers " notion of who's the center of a family .
many quality family films have been made with a non-traditional family structure ( fly away home comes to mind ) to much better effect .
and the politics of the time seem a bit conservative and regressive for a futuristic movie .
in star wars , the rebels were the good guys .
we were rooting for those who were fighting against the system .
in lost in space , the rebels are the bad guys , a terrorist force that must be killed , crushed and silenced so that our children may live free .
that ominous excuse for violence almost makes me sympathize with the terrorists .
finally , a few specific details deserve criticism .
the movie tells us that the setting is the year 2056 .
why ?
why bother saying what year this is .
just tell us it's the future .
i bring it up because the tv series was supposed to take place in 1997 .
setting a specific date only dates the movie and guarantees that it won't be timeless ( not that this movie was really in the running anyway . ) .
then there is a scene that shows john robinson checking one of his controls on a chair that rises about fifteen feet on a pole .
this silly waste of money reminded me of bugs bunny's barber chair , and only shows that the future is a time when spaceship designers haven't learned a thing about ergonomics .
one vaguely redeeming quality is that the end credits succeed where the rest of the film failed : it made lost in space look cool .
the strong techno beat sampled the cheesiest dialogue and , out of context , made it sound hip .
this is overlaid on a cool jumpy credit sequence with interesting distorted clips from the movie .
but if that's the best part of the movie , i can't in good conscience recommend it .
still , if you get stuck seeing it , as we did , you might be able to appreciate it if you keep your distance , think of liking bad movies as a child , and bring along your " bad movie bingo " cards .
| 0 | 851 |
what makes reindeer games even more disappointing than just a predictable , lifeless action flick is the cast and crew who signed onto the project .
most of the people involved in reindeer games just came off terrible slumps with excellent comeback performances in their most recent films .
john frankenheimer , who made the unforgettable cold war drama the manchurian candidate way back in the early 60's , recently showed critics and fans alike that he still had some magic left in his directorial skills when he created the brilliant car chase scenes in ronin .
screenwriter ehren kruger gave a remarkable first impression when he wrote the script for the underrated arlington rd .
ben affleck displayed his comedic talents in dogma and boiler room , and even on saturday night live directly after the horrible forces of nature and 200 cigarettes .
even charlize theron , who i was convinced couldn't act , did a decent job in cider house rules .
when all of these bright stars come together , one would assume that the movie will have great potential to be entertaining .
after coming out of the theater showing reindeer games , disbelief was my first reaction ? then frustration .
the movie could have premiered on cinemax at two in the morning starring an all-rookie cast and still would have been equally lacking in entertaining .
the acting is so pitiful and the script so dull , i may have to rethink some of my opinions on how talented these actors actually are .
it seemed like everyone was restricted to just the script and not given a fair amount of improvisational rights .
we have all seen ben affleck have some fun on the set , it is so apparent in a number of scenes in good will hunting when he exchanges jokes with his friends at a bar .
the actors in that movie were having fun and , from that , the audience had fun .
reindeer games is the complete opposite ; the actors don't seem to want to be their characters ( even danny trejo , who will do practically anything , doesn't look like he is enjoying himself ) , causing the audience to quickly lose interest .
evidence of public disapproval was noted when a woman behind me yelled " boy this movie is horrible ! "
and when there were scattered giggles during the most dramatic moments .
the story follows a man , rudy ( ben affleck ) , who is leaving prison in a few days along with his best friend and cellmate nick ( james frain ) .
nick has been exchanging love letters with a beautiful woman , ashley ( charlize theron ) , and cannot wait to leave prison and meet her in person .
when nick is killed in a prison riot , rudy decides to pretend to be nick and take ashley out on a date for the christmas holidays .
unfortunately ashley's brother , gabriel ( gary sinise ) interferes with their relationship .
thinking rudy is nick , he kidnaps rudy and threatens to kill him unless he helps rob a casino , which nick use to work at as a security guard .
now rudy must pretend to be nick so he can protect ashley from her brother gabriel .
confused ?
the movie only gets more complex as it goes on , until it gets way , way too complex at its climax .
but reindeer games makes its first serious mistake during the first half an hour .
the hero commits a greedy , selfish act when he decides to pretend he is his dead cellmate in order to date ashley .
some hero .
the point of a hero is to do the morally correct thing , a person for the audience to relate to or admire .
when rudy lies and cheats his way into trouble , instead of gathering support from me for him to ultimately succeed in getting the bad guys , i felt more like he was getting what he deserved and even wanted to see him fail at times .
the most irritating part of the film ( besides the fact that this is a christmas movie released in february ) is the number of chances the bad guys get to kill rudy but fail or delay for some idiotic reason .
the routine in which the bad guy must explain his genius plan to the hero before attempting to kill him with some elaborate machine is getting so tired nowadays , especially when i eagerly want to see the hero dead .
the only saving grace keeping this movie from receiving zero stars is an amusing but pointless cameo from isaac hayes as a prisoner upset with his food .
why he was in this movie for such a pointless role beats me .
why any of these people had anything at all to do with this movie beats me .
| 0 | 252 |
ironically , one of the themes of 200 cigarettes is that you should try to make the best of every moment in life .
unfortunately i will no longer be able to say that i lived every moment of my life to the fullest , because i spent 95 otherwise perfectly good minutes , watching this sad excuse for a movie .
actually smoking 200 cigarettes in the same 95 minutes couldn't be any worse for you than it is to watch the movie .
not only is it a pathetically bad film overall , but 200 cigarettes actually has no redeeming qualities whatsoever .
the plot is scattered , thin and predictable ; the acting is monumentally bad ; and the style of film making resembles a home video .
it is december 31 , 1981 and the big party is at monica's ( martha plimpton ) house .
but no one has arrived yet .
her 8 invited guests and several people that they have picked throughout the evening are wandering the streets of new york city in various groups .
some of them know each other through their common bond of having slept with monica , and some are total strangers .
but they all are to face their own personal neuroses before night's end .
those who are invited are the ones that have the issues .
it is up to those who aren't to help them come to terms .
first there is eric ( brian mccardie ) who is a former boyfriend of monica's and is just getting over the heartbreak of their relationship terminating prematurely because of his sexual performance , or lack thereof .
he is one of the most bland characters , in a film full of dullness , because he is so utterly predictable and stereotypical , a common trait of this poor production .
bridget ( nicole parker ) and caitlyn ( angela featherstone ) who are both extremely sensuous young women looking for someone to handle their desires on new year's eve and tag along to the party with them .
they stumble across a nameless bartender ( ben affleck ) who is the one truly perfect character in a film of imperfections .
he is nether sexually deprived , nor uncertain about his future , as he is in law school .
his lack of flaws is both boring , unrealistic and painful to watch .
as bridget and caitlyn make passes at him you are neither entertained nor humored by the sub-standard comedy .
moving on , there is val ( christina ricci ) and stephie , ( gabby hoffman ) 2 teenage girls with fake identification and very different thoughts .
val is monica's cousin and a true fan of the new york scene .
on the other hand , stephie is convinced that she is vulnerable to crime when the two venture out of their usual locations in search of the party that they just can't find .
paradoxically , it is 2 punks that they meet at a bar ( actually they attempt to flee from their presence , but aren't successful ) who guide them through their fears and force a level of relaxation upon their warped minds .
of all the insanely dull and uninteresting couples , only one approaches a level of decency in both acting and plot .
wisely , the movie's creators have put heavy emphasis on lucy ( courtney love ) and kevin ( paul rudd ) who are best friends and share the common bond of being dateless .
paul has just broken up with long time steady ellie ( janeane garofalo ) and is starting to come to terms with his loss when lucy informs him that ellie had been sleeping around during their relationship .
however , the only complexity to these two characters is that they seem to want to be more than friends , and that is reiterated when they attempt sexual intercourse in a bathroom stall on more than one occasion during this strange evening .
finally , there are the two worst performances and worst sub-plot of the film .
jack ( jay mohr ) and cindy ( kate hudson ) have been going out for a short period of time and jack just learned that he took cindy's virginity the night before .
while she attempts to play this down and be her usual self , he is a predictably self loathing male as he attempts to deal with a string of one night stands that includes the recently deflowered cindy .
very often , when a film is as putrid as this production , there will at least be a decent quality of film making to reveal an occasional moment of glory .
however , this film has neither the quality of cinematography nor the moments of glory to be highlighted .
instead , what you get is a collection of rough and inconsistent cuts , bad continuity and inaccuracies .
first , and most noticeable is that as the film goes from one subplot to another , there is no apparent order that it follows , and it is also weekened by unnecessarily edgy edits from scene to scene and shot to shot .
at other times , objects seem to get up and move and hairstyles and costumes change from shot to shot .
there are also at least 4 scenes in a taxi cab that go from start to finish .
not in a single one of them does anybody pay the driver .
and yet , no matter how miserable this film may be , and no matter how poor the acting is all around , there was a ray of a hope for these many bad plots .
perhaps , if the makers had just decided to concentrate on one or two or , perhaps , even three , there might have been the time and opportunity for some character development , or quality acting , or even a decent plot payoff at the end .
but it didn't happen that way .
the cast of quality name actors was forced into roles that not even one of them could convert into a mediocre performance , and every story line crashed and burned quicker than it takes for the ball to drop at midnight .
| 0 | 162 |
when you go to the movies as much as i do , you unfortunately end up seeing certain movie trailers one too many times .
such was the case with frequency .
every time i went to a screening , there was the frequency preview .
it looked awful .
it looked cheesy , sappy and ridiculous .
it looked like a flop .
well , whoever put that trailer together should be fired , because in terms of pure entertainment , frequency is one of the best of the year thus far .
frequency boasts a compelling story line .
an occurrence of freakish solar activity allows police detective john sullivan ( james caviezel ) to speak to his fireman father frank sullivan ( dennis quaid ) through a ham radio , despite the fact that frank has been dead for 30 years .
john is able to give his father information that prevents his death in a warehouse fire , but by doing so causes other changes .
somehow , a serial killer's reign of terror , which in the original timeline had been stopped at three murders , extends to ten victims . . .
including john's mother .
this is director gregory hoblit's third film ( the other two being primal fear and fallen ) .
with all three , he's managed to attach himself to great scripts ( this one by toby emmerich , whose only previous movie experience was as a music supervisor on numerous new line films ) and add equally great direction .
also , he apparently likes to have his films wrap up with a kick-ass ending .
frequency is no exception , the ending is unpredictable and incredibly satisfying .
hoblit is three for three , and i hope he can keep it up .
now everyone can argue logic this and logic that all you want with the sci-fi elements of frequency .
but the fact of the matter is that time travel has never been achieved .
who's to say how something works and how it doesn't when it's never happened ?
is it because we've become accustomed to time travel " laws " from other places like " star trek " and the back to the future trilogy and " quantum leap " ?
yes , if you sit down and think about it , certain plot elements in this film probably won't make any sense .
most films are like that .
don't let that dissuade you from seeing this fantastically entertaining film however .
when frequency was over , it made me wish i had seen it with my father so i could have given him a hug ( okay okay , shut up ) .
when you break it down past all its sci-fi elements and serial killer antics , frequency is simply a movie about a father and his son and the bond that they share .
it's touching , it's sincere , and it's what ultimately makes this movie work .
[pg-13]
| 1 | 1,150 |
based on the 1960s tv series that i had never seen or heard of before this movie ( be happy , i won't bore you with any lame and unnecessary comparisons ) , this film allows will smith to take a third stab at the independence day weekend box-office , after scoring huge successes with men in black ( 7/10 ) , directed by the same man who controlled this one , and independence day ( 6/10 ) .
can you say . . . the
third times not a charm ?
plot : james west and artemus gordon are chosen by the president to find the man responsible for the kidnapping of the nation's top scientists , and threatening to take over the united states within a week .
critique : i did not laugh once during this entire picture .
when you consider that this film is a part-comedy , that's not a very good sign .
i also did not tense up or particularly enjoy any of its unenergetic action sequences which provided me with little more than a few minutes time to think back to the lovely salma hayek scenes .
when you consider that the other " part " of this film is geared as an action/adventure , i would say that this another negative sign .
and when you consider that the first hour of the film was boring and a little slow , the story-line tired , reminiscent of swiss cheese and uninvolving , and the special effects interesting but worth very little inside a plot filled with lame one-liners , weak characterizations and an anti-climactic end , you pretty much have the gist of my impression of this " big " summer blockbuster .
it blows .
or as they say in french , " eet blows " .
could it be that the script was crappy because it took four people to write it ?
maybe .
could it be that most of the special effects don't show up until the last half hour , and even then , we don't see anything that its trailers hadn't already given away ?
perhaps .
or could it be that we have come to expect so much more from will smith and hollywood big-budget movies , that we cannot help but evaluate them on a scale onto their own ?
naaaaaaah !
a bad movie is a bad movie .
on a positive note , i could honestly say that i did very much enjoy the lovely performance by the adorable salma hayek , who seemed underused ( in my humble opinion ) , and lit up every bubbly scene that she was hardly in .
branagh was also fun as the scenery-munching , over-the-top bad guy , but that's pretty much where the entertainment-buck stopped .
smith and kline were static at best , the plot full of holes , and the score insignificant and derivative of a dozen others .
i would strongly advise anyone not to see this movie .
then again , there is that one scene with the lovely salma hayek tied up in a cage . . . huh . . . oh
yeah , but the rest of the movie sucked .
little known facts about this film and its stars : will smith has starred in two of the ten all-time top grossing films worldwide : 1997's summer blockbuster men in black ( 7/10 ) , for which he also recorded the grammy-winning title song , and 1996's independence day ( 6/10 ) .
he once turned down a scholarship to mit to pursue his singing career .
kevin kline is a graduate of the juilliard school of drama , and has been married to the cute-as-a-button actress phoebe cates since 1989 .
they have two kids together , greta simone and owen .
one of the buildings that gets blown up in this film has " kasdan " written on it .
lawrence kasdan is a director known to have worked with kevin on five of his movies , including the big chill , silverado , i love you to death , grand canyon and french kiss .
salma hayek gave up a successful career as a major television star in latin america and moved to the united states to start over , even though she spoke no english .
she made her feature film debut as an actress with a small role in allison anders' mi vida loca ( no , not the rickie martin video ! ) and played her first starring role in robert rodriguez's desperado opposite antonio banderas .
since then , she has made an appearance in each one of rodriguez's films .
she stands 5'2 " , was born in southeast mexico , and the daughter of a lebanese father and a mexican mother .
one of the actresses cast as branagh's lovely but lethal beauties includes bail ling , a stage and screen star in her native china who was last seen starring opposite dick gere in red corner ( 7/10 ) .
another is dutch-born frederique van der wal , who is one of the world's most recognized supermodels , having graced the cover of cosmopolitan numerous times , as well as harper's bazaar , vogue and mademoiselle .
| 0 | 305 |
airplane ! is considered among many to be the epitome of satire film-making .
after all , it's brought to us by one of the best known satire writing/directing teams .
even if most people don't recognize the names behind the films , they are bound to recognize the titles : airplane ! , top secret , the naked gun , and hot shots to name a few .
but although the zucker/abrahams/zucker team was first introduced with the kentucky fried movie in 1977 , airplane !
remains the true cornerstone of their work , and their directorial debuts .
in the seventies , disaster films seemed to be at an all time high .
films like earthquake , the towering inferno , and the poseidon adventure were big hits .
there was also a series about the disasters that can arise when traveling by plane - a series that spanned the entire decade .
and so , in 1980 , we were introduced to a new airplane disaster film .
this time the disaster had nothing to do with a maniacal hijacker or crashing into the ocean .
.
.
it had to do with bad fish .
airplane ! is the story of ted striker ( robert hays ) - an ex-fighter-pilot who has never gotten over the fact that a decision he had to make in the midst of war led to the death of six , er , seven comrades .
unable to stop living in the past , ted's world fell apart .
he spent his time moving from city to city without ever having a stable job , and eventually , as we begin this film , is getting dumped by his lover , flight attendant elaine dickinson ( julie hagerty ) .
in a desperate attempt not to lose her , ted buys a ticket for the same flight elaine is working .
unfortunately , she is unsympathetic and even criticizes ted for following her , which leaves him wallowing in self-pity .
in the midst of it all , something happens .
someone gets sick .
then another .
then another .
soon , the whole plane is full of deathly-ill chicago-bound people .
.
.
and when the pilots get sick ( played by peter graves , kareem abdul-jabbar , and frank ashmore ) , who will save the day ?
( gee , i wonder )
of course the main draw here is the non-stop " whiz-bang " comedy , with a hefty dose of both visual and spoken gags .
although i had seen this movie a few times before , i was still laughing thru the entire thing .
the most fun character by far is the doctor , played by leslie nielsen .
he's a dry , subtle , sterotypically straight-faced doctor that ends up saying some of the funniest lines of the film .
in a film like this , you're not really expecting an elaborate production , so one can't complain about the amateurish quality .
what you can complain about is the absolutely annoying johnny , played by stephen stucker .
this character is pointless , nauseating , and very unfunny .
i don't know why he was put in there , and i don't think anybody will find a good excuse .
and when the film nears an end , it slows down quite a bit , almost getting old .
you gotta give it to a movie that only runs 88 minutes and can feel two hours long .
aside from that , airplane !
is really a top-notch spoof that will likely forever be known as a spoof classic .
it would be a good choice to pop in the vcr with a group of friends , especially if they haven't seen it .
and if they ask what the plot is , just tell 'em " it's a synopsis of the basic storyline of the film , but that's not important right now . "
if you've seen the film , you'll understand ; - )
| 1 | 1,611 |
the camera zooms in incredibly close .
it focuses on the closed eyes of a person presumed dead .
all of a sudden , with a thunderous sound effect and an eerie sounding musical pulse , his eyelids open .
the camera zooms in incredibly close .
it focuses on one of the characters desperately running for her life .
then , with a thunderous sound effect and an eerie sounding musical pulse , she bumps into the killer .
the camera zooms in incredibly close .
it focuses on a door from where seemingly strange sounds emanate .
all of a sudden , with a thunderous sound effect and an eerie sounding musical pulse , the doors swing open to reveal what's inside .
close-up thrill-shots such as these seemed to elicit more laughter from the audience rather than genuine fear , which is a pretty good sign that you're not watching the thriller that the director had originally envisioned .
rather , you adopt the opinion that the characters are so goofy and so unaware of the trouble that they're in , that you stop caring about who lives , who dies and where the story goes .
instead , you become more interested in how the characters get killed off .
the four young teenagers who are the potential sacrificial lambs for this movie are helen and barry and julie and ray - two couples and dear friends to one another .
during the summer just after high school graduation , they take a fateful drive down a dark mountain highway .
suddenly , without warning , their car hits someone whom the teens presume was killed as a result of that collision .
fearing jail time and possible manslaughter charges if they confess , they instead decide to dump the body into the ocean and make a pact never to discuss the episode again .
a year goes by and things among the four friends begin to change .
relationships fizzle , future dreams crumble , and attitudes change .
but , they can not forget what they did .
and apparently , neither can someone else .
someone begins to send letters to all four of the teens with the frightening message : " i know what you did last summer . "
the letter-writer ( a figure in a rubber slicker wielding a large metal hook ) soon makes his presence known and begins to hunt down the four teens .
it's now up to the four of them to try to figure out who the killer is before it's too late .
while this movie has some nice visually eerie effects , too much of it's impact had to be generated with extreme close-ups , while the level of suspense was choppy at best .
there is so much more that this movie could have been , but decided to give us nothing but cheap thrills .
it could have been a clever whodunit , but discovering who ultimately was the killer made me just shrug my shoulders .
it could have explored the changed friendships after a year of adulthood , but seemed to only include that aspect to add 15 more minutes to the film .
it could have given us smarter characters who knew that anytime you're alone and you see shadowy figures moving about , you don't walk towards them yelling " hello " .
once you yell " hello " , you can expect an extreme close-up , a thunderous sound effect and an eerie sounding musical pulse .
it's difficult to be in suspense when you know what's about to happen .
the only redeeming aspect of the movie is that i now have a neat idea for a halloween costume , but i'm not sure if the local costume store sells rubber slickers and hooks .
the horror that i experienced from this film is realizing that i actually went to see it .
| 0 | 181 |
zero effect gets its title from the main character , daryl zero ( bill pullman ) , although we don't understand what it truly means until the very last line of dialogue in the film .
zero is a private investigator , perhaps the best private investigator who ever lived ( at least he'd like to think so ) .
however , he's a socially inept being , and eccentric in every possible way -- this fact certainly makes his talents as a private eye even more bewildering than they already are .
zero's accomplice is steve arlo ( ben stiller ) , a " normal " guy who does the business side of the job -- he's the one who actually speaks to clients and explains zero's greatness as an investigator .
the opening scene has steve explaining the many virtues of zero's talents to soon-to-be client gregory stark ( ryan o'neal ) .
it turns out that stark has lost a key to a safe deposit box , and is now being blackmailed for something that he apparently knows nothing about .
zero takes the case , and the plot thickens .
his path leads to a young , pretty paramedic named gloria sullivan ( kim dickens ) .
despite her luminous and seemingly-harmless presence , she turns out to be the one blackmailing stark .
through his investigations , zero learns why , but not without developing feelings for gloria -- feelings that , because of his reclusive behavior , are new and confusing to him .
i have no particular affinity towards the mystery genre of film .
i can idly enjoy movies about private investigators , and , every once in a while , a film like chinatown comes a long that blows me away ( actually , no private eye film has ever reached chinatown's greatness ) .
zero effect , which is jake kasdan's first effort as writer/director , is a film about a private investigator that succeeds in all attempts : it's an original , funny , and completely involving motion picture .
with so many cliches available to this genre , i find it amazing that kasdan avoided all of them .
but he didn't just successfully avoid flaws : he has created a great film here , one that had me interested and fascinated from the first shot to the final moment .
take , for starters , the great cast of characters .
pullman is terrific as zero , showing a comic flair that i really haven't seen from him since spaceballs .
zero is the kind of guy who seems at ease switching personalities so frequently as he does here ; the fact that he's an almost exaggeratedly twisted , emotionally unstable man outside of his profession is not at all difficult to believe .
pullman's performance is much more layered than it might seem at first glance , and the occasional voice-over as he's going through the motions of his job are insightful and often hilarious .
ben stiller is also a very funny individual ; he's the kind of comedian who makes normal lines sound funny .
" i'll shoot you , " he says to stark at one point .
" i have a gun , and everything . "
his character is also well-drawn , with an interesting subplot involving his girlfriend ( angela featherstone ) who is not happy with the extensive amounts of time he must spend away from her due to the unpredictability of his job .
o'neal also gives his character a bit of depth ; and kim dickens , last seen ( and underused ) in mercury rising , gets a chance to show us her talent here , giving gloria the realism this kind of character really needs .
i find zero effect to be an immensely funny and witty film .
kasdan's humor is of the best kind -- soft spoken , and mostly dialogue-driven ( though there are some great visual jokes ) .
it's the kind of humor that's funny even after you've seen it five or six times .
there's one scene in which zero talks about how detached he is , an how that makes him such a great detective .
what we see during this narration are various shots of him sitting on a bed , or standing motionlessly , with his hair destroyed and an utterly blank look painted on his unshaven face , his eyes pointing to something off camera , but obviously to nothing in particular .
i can't convey to you how funny this is , but what makes it great film making is that it has a point -- scenes like this are frequent , and they provide solid characterization of zero .
as a side note , i don't consider myself an average viewer when it comes to comedy ( not to sound elitist ) -- i find things funny that many do not , and vice versa .
there was a clump of people near me in the theater laughing uproariously through this film , and the rest of the theater was relatively silent through most of it .
i have a feeling the humor here won't appeal to everyone , but there's certainly enough story and character development to keep anyone's interest .
jake kasdan , son of writer/director lawrence kasdan , is only 22 years old .
i found this out after seeing the film , and i can't remember ever being so impressed with a film maker .
his direction is stylish without being pretentious , and his writing is mature , full , and developed .
zero effect is the kind of film that i'll buy for my collection -- smart , original films like this are rare as it is , but this one actually has a heart and a soul .
at the end of the film , i was involved in the characters , and i was satisfied with the outcome .
and , with kasdan's undeniable talent at such a young age , all i can do is hope to see a lot more from him in the future .
| 1 | 1,948 |
the u . s . army utilizes a number of books known as field manuals which stipulate the specific way in which almost every action imaginable must be done .
one particular field manual is known as the fm 22-5 , which among other things , covers the practice of saluting .
under the " saluting " section is a sub-section which covers how a salute is rendered by a military work detail in the presence of a superior officer .
the salute is rendered by the highest-ranking individual present when the superior officer comes within six paces of the detail , and is dropped when the officer passes six paces from the detail .
in any event , the salute is rendered only by the man ( or woman ) in charge , rather than by the whole group .
almost at the very beginning of the general's daughter , we see a general's motorcade passing a work detail .
everyone salutes .
it looked impressive , but it just wasn't right .
that little bit showed me that someone either didn't do the appropriate research , or made the conscious decision to go with style over substance for the scene .
in fact , this would serve as a metaphor for the rest of the picture , as it seems director simon west tried so hard to craft a film with atmosphere and flash that he forgot a coherent story and good characterization are also crucial to a good movie .
what results is a film that looks good , but like that one scene , just isn't right .
the first fifteen minutes of the film is a good example .
paul brenner ( john travolta ) is an agent for the army's criminal investigation division , undercover at a georgia army base to investigate an illegal arms sale .
prior to the transaction , the buyer gets a whiff that brenner isn't the unscrupulous supply sergeant he's supposed to be , and later that night attempts to kill him by shooting up the houseboat on which brenner is living .
so ensues a cat and mouse action sequence which ends like a certain scene in raiders of the lost ark ( we'll just say that it involves propellers ) .
brenner then receives new orders when the commanding general's daughter , captain elisabeth campbell ( leslie stefanson ) , is found naked , bound , and dead on one of the base's training ranges .
he is teamed with rape investigator sarah sunhill ( madeleine stowe ) to uncover the truth about the peculiarly gruesome murder .
what i want to know is why the whole action scene with the arms buyer was even necessary .
it gives no insight into brenner , other than the fact that he's a little cocky .
does the arms subplot turn up later ?
no , so why add this extra running time to the film ?
the answer : it looked cool .
or how about the " atmosphere " ?
the beginning of the general's daughter presents us with imagery of the deep south - thick trees , dirt roads , sultry colors over water - all backed up with bayouesque music .
nice immersion in the setting , but it soon doesn't matter , for when the film's plot shifts over to the murder investigation , so does the entire mood .
no attention is paid to the location of the story , and the music is altered to fit a very generic thriller theme .
did the filmmakers start out thinking they were making a different movie ?
instead of creating a cohesive atmospheric theme for the entire film , we get the distraction of one of theme followed by another , just because the director thought he should show off some of the countryside .
the above examples also serve to illustrate that inconsistency is another problem with this movie .
as i've already mentioned , an entire section of the film doesn't jibe with the rest , and the characterization only adds to the difficulty .
brenner , who comes across as a man with little respect for authority , suddenly snaps to in the presence of general campbell ( james cromwell ) and utters some of the corniest " yes , sir " s i've ever heard .
he even delivers an emotion-charged monologue about why he will work so hard to catch the person who killed the general's daughter , even though he was totally flippant about the whole thing just a couple of minutes previous .
sunhill , who initially comes across as a professional investigator , utilizes a couple of blatantly illegal methods to obtain information , and even revels in her ingenuity .
both characters are protagonists , but it's hard to get behind them when their personalities are all over the place , and in some cases , simply unappealing .
i could imagine that during filming , west would shoot a scene , then take the actors aside and tell them , " let's do it again , but this time , i want more . "
i say this because although travolta and stowe are normally very good , in this film they overact in most of their scenes .
an even worse offender is clarence williams iii as the general's aide , colonel fowler .
i swear the guy says all of his lines from the position of attention .
a far cry from his days as linc in " the mod squad " , i can't help but think he was acting from west's direction .
a couple of side characters including a west point psychologist ( john beasly ) and a young female private ( ariyan a . johnson ) make their scenes nearly impossible to bear .
the only two actors who seem to have escaped west's influence are james woods , who provides a good performance as colonel moore , elisabeth's mentor at the psychological operations unit , and timothy hutton as colonel kent of the military police .
woods relishes the role of a man whose job is playing with people's minds , and does so without ever taking it over the top .
hutton just kind of hangs around , but at least he wasn't overacting .
i haven't read the nelson demille novel on which this movie was based , but i'll bet more than a few dollars that the story was better in book form .
the movie version has got characters which come and go with little or nothing to do except fill up space , or provide bits of information which seem to neither mean anything in terms of advancing the story nor reveal any significance once the whole story is finished .
every time we're presented with some new aspect to the case , west gives us more of that flash by playing it up like it's the most momentous discovery ever , but the information is not used by the investigators at all .
instead , when conclusions are drawn , they are such tremendous leaps of faith that you wonder if successful investigations are not based on facts , but lucky guesses instead .
the army should have saved time by bringing in brennan and sunhill , letting them play a game of twenty questions with the suspects , then letting them guess who the killer was .
would've been over in a half hour .
the film finishes with a sort of bookend , featuring the same style and southern scenery as the very beginning .
literally during the closing credits , we get to see brennan get in his car and drive off , then we get to see sunhill get in her car and drive off .
they both seem kind of happy .
maybe they were driving away from simon west .
| 0 | 182 |
whew . this film oozes energy , the kind of breakneck , no- holds-barred , in-your-face risk-taking filmmaking that is seldom seen on screen these days .
like the marginal , motley bunch of post-apocalyptic youths director danny boyle tries to depict , trainspotting veers on the edge of utter mayhem but ultimately retains its footing and control .
the result : a movie that is a delightful example of how the medium is the message .
the message : a bunch of losers with loser names , mark renton ( ewan mcgregor ) , spud ( ewan bremner ) , sick boy ( jonny lee miller ) , tommy ( kevin mckidd ) , and begbie ( robert carlyle ) .
bored , aimless and restless , their routine consists of getting drunk at the local pub , grooving to techno or glam-rock at the local disco and getting shots up the arm at the local den and procuring cash through a variety of methods , some ingenious , others plainly dumb and desperate .
not part of the daily dose if obtained , sex is a bonus .
you can find these characters as they are , foul-mouthed , dirty , pathetic , ugly perhaps but definitely interesting , in irvin welsh's cult novel of the same name .
what makes the film a completely different experience is how director boyle uses every tool at his disposal to make the filmic medium synchronous with the message .
one of the first things you'll notice is how the camera seems to dart around restlessly .
it'll truck into a character's pimple , just as soon as it will dolly out to an establishing shot .
distracted and curious , it'll maintain a character's eye-level or drop right to the ground to show the doped-out-eye-view .
you'll even find characters peering into the camera , their faces smeared across the wide-angle lens .
this film camera is just another one of the guys .
tiptoeing that indistinguishable line between fantasy and reality , boyle employs a healthy dose of surrealism to get the message across .
bored kids daydream and bored kids deprived of a heroin fix have nightmares .
i don't want to give too much away , but if you cross chuckie from child's play with some of the wacky fantasies in heavenly creatures , you might have an idea just how fun or pants-wetting scary the alternate state of consciouness can be .
that said , this film has a good share of drugs - consumed , vomitted , defecated , pissed off , exchanged , bought , sold , injected , smuggled , enjoyed and regretted .
if that isn't your cup of tea , nobody forced you to see the film .
stay at home and rent up close and personal .
and what's a buzz without tunes .
from pulp to iggy pop ( yes , he's still alive ) , the aural landscape is as engaging as the visual energy permeating the film .
good and bad vibrations tangle like the conflicting desires and values of the message .
every once in a while , a film comes along with the kind of energetic filmmaking that matches the intensity of its characters it hopes to depict .
trainspotting is that shooting star that burns across a sky littered with static constellations .
dom is a part-time filmmaker who graduated from northwestern university's radio/tv/film programme not too long ago .
he has laboured on various music videos and short films in and around campus and chicago .
nowhere town , a 26min short film that he shot , co-directed and co-produced recently scooped up the grand jury prize at the charleston international film festival for best student production .
he is currently finishing a couple of small projects .
with his minute amounts of leisure time , dom does nell impersonations .
| 1 | 1,155 |
i heard actor skeet ulrich discussing this film in a couple of interviews , and in both instances , he felt the strange compulsion to compare it a little series of films called lethal weapon .
now , i personally remember those films as a ) starring a major motion picture star b ) being funny c ) having great action sequences d ) great chemistry e ) decent character development .
hmmm . . . . okay . . . now on to my review of chill factor .
plot : a graveyard shift regular working joe and ice cream truck driver fall onto a malicious plan by an ex-army general , to propose a nuclear device to international prospects .
when the device suddenly falls into their reluctant laps , they must keep it cool on ice , and rush it over to an army base , before the contraption ticks over 50 degrees fahrenheit , and kills millions of people .
critique : " speed on an ice-cream truck " is probably the pitch that was used to sell this one-tone movie to its backers , but unfortunately , the only way that anyone could compare this film to that tension-filled , original two hours of cinema , is in its distinct honor of being the complete opposite of what that film , and the lethal weapon movies , stood for .
this film is seasoned in cliches , with plenty of badly written dialogue , over the top acting from cuba gooding jr . , zero chemistry between the two leads , and horribly tacky bad guys , tossed in to complete an overall bad movie recipe .
my friend and i enjoyed watching this movie to a certain extent , because some of the lines in it were so bad and obviously " written " , that we just had to crack up .
that , and the formula for the film's script which followed the proverbial 1-2- , and you guessed it . . . 3 scenario !
and what about all those catchy , hip names to get us to relate to the characters . . . . " elvis "
and " nighshift " , oh what talent lies in the minds of these screenwriters ( and yes , it actually took two guys to come up with this regurgitated drivel ) .
it is unfathomable to me as to how actors skeet ulrich and cuba gooding jr . got involved in this one-week-old-blue-cheese-smelling project .
did they actually think that it would boost their careers , or did they know that the script sucked , but discounted any fall from grace , knowing full well that the stack of cash in their back pockets would pad their fall ?
most probably the latter .
have you seen either fled or bulletproof ?
well , despite the slight differences in plot , the essentials are basically the same here .
you get a black guy and a white guy being chased by a bunch of people , having no choice but to work together to get somewhere , hating each other at first , but over time , learning to respect one another as individuals .
yawn .
add to that , the fact that our film actually has bad guys who are all dressed in black , drive black cars and black vans , and run around with all kinds of telecommunicative devices sprinkled around their head .
not too conspicuous , eh ?
call me a party-pooper , but as much as i like a nice cheezy movie as much as the next guy , this film just doesn't even try to do anything original or reasonably entertaining .
one cool scene with a boat careening down a mountainside , and another with a nuclear device obliterating everything on an island , do not a fun , buddy-action flick make .
show cuba the money , everybody !
: )
little known facts about this film and its stars : this is not a little known fact or anything , but damn , is it just me or does skeet ulrich look an awful lot like great-looking actor johnny depp ?
skeet's real-life nicknames include chester , skeeter and mosquito .
he stands 6'1 " , was born in north carolina , and got married in 1997 to that sex-kitten actress from clay pigeons ( 7 . 5/10 ) ,
georgina cates .
they own a farm together in virginia and seven dogs .
skeet has a long scar on his chest from open-heart surgery done when he was 10 to correct a ventricle defect .
actor cuba gooding jr . was born in the bronx , new york .
in 1984 , he break-danced during the closing ceremonies of the olympic games in los angeles .
he stands 5'10 " .
actress hudson leick , who plays one of the " bad guys/girls " in his movie , is better known from her role as " callisto " on the popular tv series " xena : princess warrior " .
this film reportedly had a budget of $40 million ? ?
i'm not exactly sure where all this money went , but it certainly did not register onscreen .
interestingly enough , director hugh johnson , who makes his big screen debut with this film , was the cinematographer on the 1996 film white squall and the 1997 demi moore vehicle , g . i .
jane ( 6 . 5/10 ) .
| 0 | 108 |
there's some movies i enjoy even though i know i probably shouldn't and have a difficult time trying to explain why i did .
" lucky numbers " is a perfect example of this because it's such a blatant rip-off of " fargo " and every movie based on an elmore leonard novel and yet it somehow still works for me .
i know i'm in the minority here but let me explain .
the film takes place in harrisburg , pa in 1988 during an unseasonably warm winter .
john travolta plays the local big-shot tv weatherman who is idolized by the townsfolk as if he were john travolta himself and not the bumbling russ richards .
russ is married to crystal ( lisa kudrow ) , a blonde bimbo if ever there was one in the history of cinema .
she's a selfish , nasty bitch full of lust and desire but somehow she got the job of the lottery ball girl - not exactly the most intellectually taxing job on the market .
crystal's cheating on russ with their collective boss dick ( ed o'neil ) , the tv station manager .
she doesn't seem to genuinely like either of them , but it's all she can do in this one-horse town .
much like " fargo , " this movie tells the story of a man who's going broke and has to pull off a huge scam to get rich quick .
he enlists the help of his english friend gig ( tim roth ) , the local stripclub owner who tells him how to fix the lottery .
along the way a subplot involving a two-bit thug named , accurately , " dale the thug " ( michael rappaport ) gets mixed up in the process .
there's also a bookie that somehow gets thrown in the mix once the deal goes down .
i'm not going to elaborate much further on the plot and story because it continues to unwind and take twists and turns you're not expecting .
this is a farce , which is basically a straightforward , adult-oriented comedy but doesn't go as far as a classic black comedy should .
where as " fargo " was sometimes shocking and disturbing while being funny , " lucky numbers " is just funny because you can't take these characters in these outrageous situations seriously .
it's all a big cartoon basically , but it's funny and i can respect that .
travolta is great in his role and even though he's not a really likable character , he's trying to be a nice guy despite the fact he's a creep .
he's like a gangster with morals who genuinely feels sorry for the guys he has to kill .
crystal is just the opposite , she's constantly arguing and using whatever brain cells she has left to look out for herself .
kudrow is perfect in this role since she's spent 8 years on tv as the dim-witted phoebe on " friends . "
here is character is basically a very evil incarnation of phoebe .
i have to admit i was honestly surprised and pleased by how the plot unraveled and the methods each of the main characters use to try to get their share of the money .
like " jackie brown , " ( an elmore leonard adaption ) , the story is about a circle of 10 characters all after the lottery money that has been won illegally .
the screenplay does a fine job in balancing the characters and slowly revealing their motivations and hidden agendas while at the same time keep russ richards the main focus .
more and more characters are introduced and since the film has such an iconic , cartoony atmosphere you can take on faith just what makes the minor characters do what they do .
the ending itself is great .
it's surprising and funny and makes you feel good .
you realize this film has packed in about 10 different movies' worth of stories into two hours' time and didn't fall apart ( although many other critics might beg to differ ) .
i liked it , and i could see it again - isn't that what makes a movie good ?
| 1 | 1,035 |
insane ( but inspired ) musical about alferd packer , the first man ever tried for cannibalism in america .
as the story unfolds we learn what events led to packer ( trey parker ) supposedly killing and eating the five men who got lost while accompanying him through the mountains of colorado in search of gold .
throughout , packer must contend with evil trappers bent on stealing his prized horse , a tribe of `ute' indians that doesn't seem quite on the mark , and a terrible winter storm that leads to the eventual cannibalism .
parker obviously knows his musicals very well , because the viewer is also treated to some of the most maddeningly catchy songs to appear in a film ( he would accomplish this again in his post-cannibal !
musical motion picture , south park : bigger , longer , and uncut ) .
apart from the inherent interest of seeing a pre- " south park " parker and stone in their first effort , cannibal !
also offers up some pretty decent laughs .
the aforementioned `ute' indian tribe that packer's group encounters is a definite highlight , as are two rousing musical numbers about snowmen ( one of which ends on a comedically deadly note ) .
stone's humphrey character steals the show , especially when complaining about the prospect of having to `eat butt' or revealing what's underneath his muff cap .
jason mchugh's character of mr . miller is the stand out performance though , as he offers a hilarious dissenting voice to the proceedings .
as i mentioned before , parker's songs are very catchy .
you'll be hard pressed to get `it's a shpadoinkle day' out of your head once you've heard it ( incidentally , the braniff logo that appears at the end of every " south park " episode is scored with a few notes from this song ) .
other songs you'll find yourself humming include `when i was on top of you' ( a love ballad ) , `the trapper's song' ( the villains leit motif ) , and `hang the bastard' ( the rousing finale ) .
thankfully , none of these songs are quite as embarrassing to find yourself singing in public as south park : bigger , longer & uncut's songs are .
released as a pick-up through troma studios , the film is available on videocassette and dvd .
the videocassette includes an intro by the beautiful jane jensen and an interview segment with lloyd kaufman , discussing his admiration for parker and stone and the fact that they had been hired for a zucker brothers film ( which turned out to be the hilarious baseketball ) .
there are also multiple trailers for upcoming troma films .
as for the dvd . . .
well , that's a different story .
probably one of the best dvd packages of the year ( and potentially of all time ) , cannibal !
the musical !
the dvd is a massive achievement .
presented in 1 . 33 : 1 ( full frame ) only , the disc has the usual troma inclusions : the tour of troma , the troma intelligence test 2 , trailers for upcoming releases , but where the disc truly shines is in its cannibal !
specific extras .
the first thing i must note is , the transfer is about as beautiful as any i've ever seen on any disc .
the picture is crisp , clear , and free from any noticeable artifacts .
add to that one of the funniest commentary tracks i have ever heard , featuring trey parker , matt stone , jason mchugh , dian bachar , and andy kemler getting drunker and drunker as the track continues and you still haven't scratched the surface of the extras .
there's also behind the scenes footage of the shooting of the film , a clip with trey , matt , and lemmy ( of the band motorhead ) from the film terror firmer , an index for easy location of all of the songs in the film , and finally , an index of all the songs as performed by the cast of a stage production of cannibal ! .
it's good to see this film finally get the treatment it deserves .
kudos to the entire production staff at troma and aix for making one of the most entertaining dvds i have seen in a very long time .
| 1 | 1,619 |
the tagline for this film is : " some houses are just born bad " .
so i didn't expect too much from this .
but i had preserved a little spark of ope as i entered the theatre .
i thought : liam neeson , cathrine zeta jones and jan de bont .
i thought , mabe it will be fun ?
and in fact the beginning was rather intriguing .
but by the end of it i thought : why liam neeson and cathrine zeta jones , jan de bont ? .
these great actors are basically helpless with this muddled mess that defies any rationality .
here is the story : in the monstrously over-decorated mansion known as hill house , visitors are tricked by an unknown doctor ( liam neeson ) into being guinea pigs in a fright experiment under the guise of an insomnia investigation .
among them is a sophisticated bisexual ( cathrine zeta jones ) , a cynical dope ( owen wilson ) and a gentle and emotional lady ( lily taylor ) .
actually , the doctor is researching the " primordial fear reaction " and intends to plant disturbing ideas in his subjects and watch what happens .
but he gets unexpected help from the house itself .
it rumbles , hums and belches forth remarkable sights .
portals become veiny stained-glass eyeballs .
a fireplace guarded by stone lions gapes like a sinister mouth .
filmy cherubic spirits take shape under sheets and billowy curtains .
but the computerized spooketeria rarely feels real , placing an emotional wall between audience and screen .
the second half of the film is basically about the main heroine running back and forth from the sinister lamps and evil furniture .
is that exciting or what ?
the worst thing about it is that it didn't have to be bad .
it's based on a great book , ``the haunting of hill house , '' by shirley jackson .
a 1963 adaptation of the book was scary and intelligent .
it played with the greatest fears of our sub conscience .
" the blair witch project " , that cost less than an old car , managed to shock and terrify the audiences from their senses .
and with a $70 mill .
budget , de bont and screenwriter david self make hash out of a perfectly lovely piece of terror .
de bont has a style of filmmaking so out of line with the material that it is , in itself , frightening .
he is the master of the extravagant special effect and the big visual adrenaline rush .
but why give him a more serious material ?
in the end " haunting " will only haunt its fledgling studio ( dream works skg ) and de bont's career as a director .
yet it wouldn't be fair to say that everything is bad .
the effects are truly impressive and the house is wonderfully decorated -- beautiful , mysterious , magical and spooky .
but this is where the good things end .
the music is blaring , the floors moving , the ceiling morphing and the pictures on the walls screaming -- and all of this , every second , every moment of screen time , is absolutely without life .
it's nothing more than a special effects-extravaganza ; visually impressive , but intellectually hollow thriller that simply doesn't engage .
at first you do not know what's going on .
is this part of the experiment ?
are these hallucinations ?
projections of the subconscience ?
paranoia ?
but in the end it shows out that this is actually happening .
the house is actually possessed .
it is at that point when all your hopes for a good entertainment disappears out of the window .
for ever , i sat in anticipation for a decent climax and that's what i got ?
i believe hichock once said that " it's better to wait for a climax , than to see one " .
this may be true , and it might actually work , but there is only one problem -- jan de bont is not hichock and the things that he shows are not scary , only stupid .
they are impossible to take seriously .
any paralells that you might have heard before , linking this picture to kubrick's " the shining " , are absolutely baseless .
" shining " had class , style , story , acting , but most of all talent and originality .
" haunting " has only special effects and art direction to boast of .
and those elements alone are not enough to make it a good film .
casting good actors for small , pale parts only makes things worse .
but i guess that no matter what i or other critics say or write , most of you will see this film anyway , even if the tagline would say : " some films are just born stupid " .
| 0 | 568 |
how do you judge a film that is so bad , but intentionally so ?
in spiceworld , the highly popular singing group the spice girls accomplish their major goal : mocking themselves with a purposely cheezy film and having a lot of fun doing it .
if that was their goal , they did a fantastic job .
so is it fair to give it such a low grade when it wasn't really meant to be much better than this ?
honestly , i'd rather see this film before many others i gave higher grades , so does that mean i graded it inaccurately ?
truth be known , i don't really think i can answer this question .
to understand spiceworld , you have to understand the spice girls .
unless you're very * very * young , or fairly older , you probably have at least heard of them .
they're a group of five busty british babes who've had #1 hit singles and whose debut album sold millions .
they're primarily adored by pre-teen girls who hope someday the contents of their training bras might match those of ginger spice's ( real name : geri haliwell ) wonderbra .
all five of the girls have these " spicy " names for which they are better known than their real names .
there is the aforementioned ginger spice , as well as sporty spice ( melanie chisholm , or mel c . ) , scary spice ( melanie brown , or mel b . ) , baby spice ( emma bunton ) , and posh spice ( victoria addams ) , and all of them , to some degree or another , resemble their stage names .
the spice girls took the world by storm , and spiceworld is actually a good- humored spoof of all that transpired during their quick rise to fame .
it's quite nice to see what good sports the girls are ( and not just the one dubbed sporty ) about poking fun at themselves .
they don't take themselves too seriously , and that's probably the best thing about them .
it's also surprising how natural they seem in front of the camera * acting * , and not just singing and dancing .
they're not flawless by any means , but for the most part , they deliver their lines without feeling staged , and , like them or not , we get the sense the five are very at home within their characters ( which seems reasonable since they portray themselves ) .
what makes the film bad is that extreme fans of the spice girls won't get enough of their music , while the rest of us don't get enough of a movie .
the real point of this is to look at the spice girls for over ninety straight minutes .
most of the film is very blas ? , but several parts are downright boring , and then they have those sporadic moments that actually make us laugh out loud !
if you're a big fan of the group , you probably won't get enough of what you want , and if you're not a big fan , you get too much time devoted to nothing more than " look at us " moments .
for the right crowd , the " music video " sequences will be the highlights of the film , but for others , they will serve as three-minute lulls in a hectic-but-overall-uneventful storyline .
other key actors include richard e . grant as clifford , the spice girls' manager , alan cumming as the film-maker piers cutherton-smyth who attempts to make a documentary of the group , george wendt as martin barnfield , a producer who constantly works on pitching a spice girls movie , and roger moore in a small , self-parodizing role .
all provide relatively good performances , keeping in mind once again that this film wasn't meant to be acted seriously .
even meat loaf shows up as dennis the bus driver and seems to have fun with it .
while this film is continuously compared to the beatles' a hard day's night , i think that is an unjust comparison .
it is supposedly the movie studio that first mad the comparison by way of press kits , but i don't think drector bob spiers , nor the spice girls , intended it to be so .
i think the studios were just trying to boost hype and interest in the film , and have instead , come off rather pretentious .
i don't think this film is trying to be anything more than a fun , satirical look at a group that got so big , a movie seemed the next likely step .
and what could've been better than a self-indulged yet self- mocking approach ?
probably nothing , and so it is .
spiceworld is a movie i thought would be embarrassing to enjoy , but now instead , i find myself wanting to defend a movie i didn't even give a good review .
it's bad , but it succeeds in every way it intended .
it gives the spice girls a chance to play while allowing all those obsessive fans out there to indulge in every brainless moment .
perhaps the group is nothing more than a gimmick .
if that's the case , the movie's gimmick is that it * is * such a gimmick !
you might be saying , " a spice girls movie ?
come on ! " , but when it comes down to it , i think that's the point .
| 0 | 120 |
the deer hunter , directed by michael cimino , is truly one of the greatest movies ever made .
a captivating drama about the lives of a group of friends from a small russian-american pennsylvania community , the deer hunter promises to be one of those movies that you will never forget .
in this academy award winner for best picture of 1978 , outstanding performances are turned in by all actors , and cimino's brilliant directing provides the perfect vision into the character's lives .
the first act of the film provides us with an inside look into the lives of a group of men from a small community who work and hang out together .
michael , portrayed perfectly by robert de niro , is shown early on as the natural leader of the group .
after a days work , the men leave their jobs at a factory to head down to the local bar , where john ( george dzundza ) works .
three of the men , michael , steven ( john savage ) , and nick ( christopher walken ) will be leaving shortly for vietnam , but not before steven gets married .
after the marriage , the group , including axel ( chuck aspegren ) , spend one last day on a hunting trip , one of their favorite past-times .
this sequence of events enables us to view the lifestyle of a normal group of men , who will be suddenly and permanently affected by the ravages and separations of war .
the wedding scenes , although criticized by many as being quite long , actually enhance even more the purpose of the first act .
the outstanding performances by de niro , walken , streep , savage , and cazale , who died very shortly after the filming of the movie was completed , really begin to shine through and promise not to halt in the near future .
the second act of the movie begins with the trio of men on the front lines in vietnam , stationed in a south vietnamese village being attacked by the viet cong .
the men are eventually captured and held in a floating prison on a river .
this prison , run by the v . c . ,
initiates the horrifying scenes in the movie , where the prisoners are forced to play russian roulette against each other .
steven , who is emotionally marred by this turn of events , is secluded in a tiger cage with water up to his face when he refuses to participate .
michael shows his leadership again by convincing nick that the only way that steven will survive is if the two friends play against each other , and moreover , they must play with 3 bullets in the gun .
personally , i felt that de niro's absolutely gripping portrayal really was displayed in a brilliant way in these and the following scenes .
the men are eventually able to escape , but are separated .
michael is able to get steven , who ends up losing his legs , to medical care , while nick finds his way to saigon and a u . s . army hospital .
michael returns home and does not feel at all like a hero .
he wants to avoid the celebrations and recognition that his friends would like to bestow upon him .
he assumes that nick is still lost in vietnam .
the third act concentrates more on walken's character , who eventually stumbles upon a small gambling operation where the game is , again , russian roulette .
only in this game , you play for money .
michael has learned that nick is possibly still alive and returns to saigon to attempt to find him .
the two narrowly find each other at the russian roulette games , but do not link up until michael discovers nick participating in the games and tries to bring him home .
a very emotional , and , for many , a very disturbing movie , the deer hunter is a truly magnificent movie that should not be missed .
the greatest performances possible are turned in by all actors , and cimino's directing , which is considered to be at his all-time best in this film , is equally dazzling .
do not miss this film , it will captivate and astound you .
| 1 | 1,938 |
the happy bastard's quick movie review
damn that y2k bug .
it's got a head start in this movie starring jamie lee curtis and another baldwin brother ( william this time ) in a story regarding a crew of a tugboat that comes across a deserted russian tech ship that has a strangeness to it when they kick the power back on .
little do they know the power within . . .
going for the gore and bringing on a few action sequences here and there , virus still feels very empty , like a movie going for all flash and no substance .
we don't know why the crew was really out in the middle of nowhere , we don't know the origin of what took over the ship ( just that a big pink flashy thing hit the mir ) , and , of course , we don't know why donald sutherland is stumbling around drunkenly throughout .
here , it's just " hey , let's chase these people around with some robots " .
the acting is below average , even from the likes of curtis .
you're more likely to get a kick out of her work in halloween h20 .
sutherland is wasted and baldwin , well , he's acting like a baldwin , of course .
the real star here are stan winston's robot design , some schnazzy cgi , and the occasional good gore shot , like picking into someone's brain .
so , if robots and body parts really turn you on , here's your movie .
otherwise , it's pretty much a sunken ship of a movie .
| 0 | 725 |
david mamet has long been my favorite screenwriter and director .
with his distinctive , more often than not ingenious dialogue , and his laid back style of direction nearly all of his movies are absolutely irresistible .
some of them tend to be thickly layered , deceptive productions that require the audience to look at the film in a less superficial manner than the plot seems to require in order to discern its concealed message , or sometimes even a concealed storyline .
and although the real plot in his new project the winslow boy is slightly more conspicuous than in some of his other endeavors , it is still a brilliantly complex , consistently riveting motion picture about honor , about sacrifice , and about the difference between what is commonly known as justice and what is right .
oh , and it's rated g .
incidentally , this is the first time that mamet has decided to adapt someone else's work ; namely a play by terrence rattigan , set in the 19th century .
he casts nigel hawthorne in the lead role as arthur winslow , a rich , aging man who finds out that his 14 year old son ronnie has been kicked out of the naval academy for allegedly stealing a 5 shilling postal note .
" did you do it ? " he asks his boy .
" no father , i didn't , " ronnie answers .
that's enough for arthur , who , with his oldest daughter ( rebecca pidgeon ) , immediately starts a crusade to bring his son's case to court .
they enlist the help of sir robert morton , a notorious attorney to help them achieve that formidably daunting task .
it all seems fairly frivolous , and no matter how you look at it , the winslow case is not the trial of the century .
but arthur is determined to keep his family's word clean and he is willing to go quite far to make sure of that .
soon enough , sir robert morton along with the rest of the country becomes equally wrapped up in the proceedings .
so do we .
all david mamet does for the script is tighten and hone the dialogue , but his style is still fairly apparent .
the characters still talk in his trademark staccatto lines and there is still tension present in conversations that no ordinary writer would be able to make tense .
but this is not mamet's norm , and it's refreshing to see mamet deviate from his world of crooks , gangsters as con men , wonderful as those films were .
nigel hawthorne's performance is nearly flawless .
his delivery is that of a dignified yet not pompous man who seems to be getting beaten at his own game .
we pity the man , but we also like him .
rebecca pidgeon , david mamet's wife , who gave a fairly awful performance in the spanish prisoner is at the top of her game here as arthur's oldest daughter , a flailing feminist who gives her all to the winslow case as a way for making up for her lack of success in the women's suffrage movement .
the winslow boy is a wonderful movie that avoids cliches such as a seemingly inevitable courtroom scene and shoots higher -- it wants to make a real impact rather than a phony one .
be honest : did you feel anything profound at or after the courtroom scenes in films like a time to kill ?
if you wanted to but didn't , this is a movie for you .
it is the epitome of subtlety : it's powerful without being too emotional , sad without even trying to be depressing .
david mamet can churn out some great scripts , but in this movie he proves to those who ever doubted it once and for all that he is a hell of a director too .
he is almost a national treasure .
his films deserve their own genre .
? 1999 eugene novikov‰ ;
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if you thought baz luhrmann's radical take on _william_shakespeare's_romeo_+_juliet_ was wild , wait until what you see what tony award-winning stage director julie taymor ( _the_lion_king : _the_broadway_musical_ ) does to the bard's _titus_andronicus_ for her audacious--and very bloody--film debut .
while luhrmann transplanted the star-crossed lovers to 1990s florida , taymor keeps this grisly tale of revenge in rome--but places it in a surreal temporal limbo .
the colosseum suggests the proper time of imperial rome , but high rises and heavy duty kitchen ovens suggest the 1990s , while the vintage automobiles and some costumes are more '40s and '50s , and other garments are more gladiator-like .
as tamora , queen of goths ( jessica lange ) exacts revenge on roman general titus ( anthony hopkins ) for killing her eldest son , and he does the same to her for the wrongs she commits , taymor obviously wanted to express the timeless relevance of the story's underlying themes .
however , the time convergence approach only works at times , for often it's just distracting , as in one scene where tamora's suviving sons ( matthew rhys and jonathan rhys meyers ) blow off steam playing video arcade games .
taymor didn't have to resort to such avant garde time tricks , for the story would have resonated just as strongly had she jettisoned them .
she is a strong storyteller and a master visual stylist , the latter compliment encompassing all areas , makeup and costume choices as well as those in the editing and photography departments .
she also has a sure way with actors ; hopkins' titus is at once tragic and horrifying , and lange is sultry as the viperous tamora .
the clear standout of the cast , however , is harry lennix as aaron , a moor who is tamora's secret lover and a schemer in his own right .
lennix brings great depth to a role that could have easily been played as a stock villain .
a great villain he indeed is , but to leave it at that isn't giving full justice to his powerful and multi-dimensional work .
_titus_ isn't a complete success , but it is never less than fascinating , and it announces the arrival of a fearlessly imaginative new cinematic voice .
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sometimes , when i decide to write a short story or a poem , i think of a title first , and then think of a subject to go with it .
it seems that the makers of disturbing behavior had a similar train of thought when it came to the title sequence .
i wouldn't be surprised if a couple of guys got together and created the opening credits , and then someone saw it and made up a story to go along with it .
the title sequence is so good , so ominous and original , that it had me engrossed before the picture even began .
of course , my attention dwindled shortly into the film .
disturbing behavior , like so many thrillers , starts off interesting and ends up laughably ridiculous .
it's a teen horror film with no interesting violence or sex .
it's a suspense film with no suspense .
it's an evil small town story with no story to speak of .
it's a disaster , a listless and uninspired disaster , that just barely misses one-stardom because of a few good sequences , a mercifully short running time , and one terrific set of opening credits .
our main man is a fellow named steve clark , blandly played by jimmy marsden .
he moves to a small town with his family after , tragically , his brother shoots himself .
steve is very upset about the untimely death of his brother ; we learn this through strange home-video like nightmares that he has occasionally .
the big trial for steve is , of course , to fit in at school and make new friends .
marsden looks like your stereotypical jock down to the last detail , so he seems a poor casting choice for a social reject .
as a social reject , he falls in with some pretentious dope-smoking philosophers , gavin ( nick stahl ) and rachel ( katie holmes ) .
gavin informs steve that the local group of jocks , known as the blue ribboners , are actually a bunch of zombies , assimilating new members into their group , while sporadically killing innocent people .
so , it's up to our group of mismatched protagonists to 1 ) solve the mystery , and 2 ) do something about it .
by the end of it all , something has happened and things have been explained , but the film still doesn't make any sense .
disturbing behavior was written by scott rosenberg .
i've seen his name around recently ( he was one of the toucher-uppers on the armageddon script ) , and i imagine that , for the most part , he knows what he's doing when it comes to screenwriting .
he did , however , have a complete lapse in judgement when he got the idea for this film , and then decided to actually take the time to write it out .
evil small town films are pretty common ( the last one , phantoms , is also a dismal failure ) , but it takes a lot of skill to make the formula work .
rosenberg's script is a complete mess , lacking in even the most basic attempts at characterization .
and it makes no sense , nor is their any purpose when things are finally " explained . "
there is supposed to be an element of surprise when we see what is happening to the jocks , but the film never explains exactly what * is * happening .
they get strapped to chairs , a microchip is inserted into their eyes , and -- poof -- they become sex-crazed , superviolent , machine-like creatures .
the doctor responsible for all this , dr . caldicott ( bruce greenwood ) , must be pretty nuts for thinking that this kind of behavior is a step up from the way high school jocks actually behave ( or , perhaps , this is the only realistic element in the film ) .
much of the writing is simply bad , and rosenberg has no intuition when it comes to the way high school kids act .
in one terrible scene , gavin explains to steve all of the high school cliques , while pointing them out in the cafeteria .
up front , i should say that , in four years of high school , i did not eat in the cafeteria even once .
that aside , the various social groups he points out are general , uninteresting , and poorly-shown .
for instance , he points to the " nerds , " who are all wearing glasses and playing with their laptops .
it's such an obvious cliche that i can't believe rosenberg even bothered .
most of the dialogue is forced ( no one says , " bite me ! "
anymore ) , and none of the scenes have any degree of wit .
this picture is not inspired , and most scenes flop from one to the other , with no sense of momentum or energy .
the blame for this can be placed on director david nutter , who apparently likes his films dry .
horror films should at least exploit violence , but this one is shockingly timid .
there are a few good scenes , though , such as an interesting trip through an insane asylum ( this is , however , the most forced scene in the film , for how our heroes get there or why they bother are things we never learn ) .
i also liked the school janitor character , played by william sadler .
he has a few lines that are surprisingly thought-provoking .
the acting is largely a waste of talent .
marsden is , as i said , bland ( thought not particularly bad ) .
bruce greenwood is shamelessly wasted .
stahl and holmes both show they have talent , but the direction isn't good enough to hone in on their skills ( stahl's performance seems more like a parody of high school potheads ) .
none of these characters expand beyond their one dimension , and , frankly , watching cardboard cut-outs of human beings run down hallways while screaming just isn't all that cool .
disturbing behavior is a wreck of a film , and it started out a wreck before shooting even began .
i'm surprised there were producers who read this script and thought that it would make a good film , or that it would make a lot of money at the box office .
it's not boring , or even blatantly awful , but it's an uninspired lump of a film .
it sure starts off nicely , but the regression into total absurdity is so consistent that the very last scene is outright laughable .
so , if you go to see this film , take my advice : appreciate the credit sequence , and pray it never ends .
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jay and silent bob strike back can rightfully be subtitled " kevin smith's greatest hits " for the film is comprised of numerous references and characters from smith's earlier works including , clerks , mall rats .
chasing amy and dogma .
so , be advised : bone up on that cinematic quartet in order to achieve the maximum enjoyment from smith's latest outing .
kevin smith must be a very likable person because several good sports took a ton of kidding in this feature , most notably miramax , the studio whose subsidiary , dimension films , is jay and silent bob's distributor .
others deserving accolades include ben affleck , matt damon , directors gus van zant and wes craven and the mighty george lucas .
this is a laugh-filled , foul-mouthed road film with jay ( jason mewes ) and silent bob ( smith ) hitching to hollywood to sabotage miramax's production of bluntman and chronic , comic book characters based on the two jersey slackers .
jay's convoluted reasoning is that if the film is shut down , people on the internet will stop insulting him and bob , even though it is not him and bob the people are dissing , but rather their comic book counterparts .
no matter , the duo begin their long trek hitching rides across the country .
but first they get some tips from a veteran hitchhiker , played by george carlin , who tells them to follow " the book " - the rules of the road .
of course jay's interpretation immediately gets the duo in trouble with a friendly nun ( carrie fisher ) who offers them a ride .
jay and silent bob contains enough laughs that the movie's weaker aspects - which include a lame subplot about a girl gang of diamond thieves as well as a buffoonish federal park ranger played by will ferrell - can be easily tolerated .
really , how can you not laugh at a film in which our heroes are picked up by the mystery van , and jay has a pot-induced hallucination concerning velma and daphne .
the movie's highlight , though , is near the finale .
in hollywood , jay and silent bob sneak onto the miramax lot where they crash the set and are mistaken for extras of the latest affleck-damon picture , good will hunting 2 : hunting season .
here we are privy to a hilarious conversation between affleck and damon in which the two put down each other's careers and film choices .
and the laughs continue to grow .
next up is jason ( american pie ) biggs and james ( dawson's creek ) van der beek , the actors chosen to portray bluntman and chronic .
the pair mistake jay and silent bob for their stunt doubles .
finally , comes a star wars homage featuring one of the stars of that legendary feature .
this bit will leave you howling .
smith's obvious affection for pop culture icons is evident in the way he shoots these scenes and handles his performers .
he allows them to play it all tongue-in-cheek .
their fun comes through the screen to the audience .
it is too bad that this is jay and silent bob's swan song .
the characters have grown since their supporting role debuts in clerks .
but smith realizes that times have changed , and he doesn't want his creations to overstay their welcome .
so smith has provided them with just the right kind of exit , saving the best for last .
goodbye jay and silent bob .
at least you're going out with a blast .
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