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my wife f wa doing great losing weight by walking and dieting but she expressed sn interest in working out in a gym so i bought her a gym membership for christmas a higher package that includes tanning and massage besides just the work out equipment she go night a week now after work i do kid duty in the evening after work and then just sit at home by myself if i ever try and make time for myself it is interrupted by work or home life i love my family to death would do anything for them but i have burning the candle at both end and never see any relief in sight it never stop someone always need something someone always want to bitch about something it just doesn t stop never i just want something for myself to go golfing uninterrupted to get a haircut without my phone buzzing my only release is yoga at night when the kid are in bed i know i should do it in the morning but i am just exhausted and can t i work 0 hour a week make sure all the bill are paid pick up the house every evening make dinner to time a week do homework with the kid every nigh do the dish do all the yard work and house upkeep i m just done i m spent and i feel like i can t take a second off or i will let someone down or be deemed selfish doe anyone else feel this way

i m a sophmore in high school and i do no extracurriculars which bother me the most i think the only hobby i have is drawing and i lost interest in band over the pandemic and i dont have the motivation to get back in i dont take challenging class because im too lazy for the workload i can barely do basic hygiene i dont exercise at all and every day after school i go home and lay in bed alone doing nothing until i go to sleep to be honest i am happier with my life than i used to be because i finally have a decent friend group so i dont feel like im wasting high school really i just feel like a huge useless loser with no hobby in comparison to my friend i cant do the most basic of thing anymore because everything is so much harder

i m year old and i never had a job only an internship a girlfriend and even a close friend for a long time the only thing i did wa finishing college and everything that i did after that wa to stay at home trying to find a job and failing at it i want to get over and be sucessful in my life but why doe it matter if i m already a total loser any normal person would look at an year old man that never had a job or girlfriend and say he s a loser even people from my family said that in another word sometimes i try to study programming other time i try to study thing in general but i know that i will fail and the people that hurt me will always be more sucessful than me so why i should even try

i always have these time where i really think about myself in middle school and i get really fuckign sad i wa bullied and treated like shit but i never really admitted to it and wa always in denial about it i never really defended myself or stood up for myself and i wa really quiet and it make me want to slit my throat like i wish i just stood up for myself and defended myself and wasn t such a coward like i can t stop thinking about it and it really fuck up my mood and i always feel so shitty about everything like it s in the past and i can t do anything about it but i can t help but move on and it s constantly in the back of my mind it literally make my blood boil for some reason i have anger issue and when i get treated shitty for no reason especially when i m really quiet and shy it make me so fucking angry like why do u feel the need to pick on someone who s so introverted and clearly not very social like fuck you fuck them all and fuck every person who ever treated me like fucking shit in middle school elemantry school i hope they fucking burn espically this one kid named nick he made my life literal torture and the worst part wa that he wa in every one of my class fuck him and i will always wish nothing but the worst on him

for most of my life i haven t had many significant relationship friendship i used to sit alone at lunch in high school sometimes i would even go to the restroom stall and just stand so i wouldn t have to face the embarrassment i would make good grade and work a lot to keep myself busy looking back i kept myself busy to distract myself from the fact that i m lonely i m 0 year old now and i still don t have a social life i ve only had one best friend in the entirety of my life and that friendship ended junior year of high school i ve also never had a boyfriend i ve dated someone before but that s the past sadly that situation ship further reinforced the idea of unworthiness that i feel i am coming to the realization that i have low self esteem i feel incapable of being loved and undeserving of it for some reason it always felt like i never fit in i would always overthink thing and not know what to say and how to keep the conversation going this lead to me thinking people will get tired bored of me eventually so there is no point i m literally cry because it s so frustrating when you want to change but these thought eat you up and prevent you from taking the necessary step to change i want to be able to go out without it feel draining to dress nice do my hair converse with others etc everything just feel exhausting and i have chosen not to picture myself being married one day or even having child because it s just how am i going to have a healthy everlasting marriage if i haven t had any experience so far

lately it s been so hard whenever i m by myself driving i just wish i could let go let go of everything and just die i ve cried for so many day now i m tired i m exhausted i feel miserable hopeless i know my life isn t so hard i know there are better thing to look at i try i really do try everyday my heart hurt and i don t know why i feel so much sadness but whyy i wish i knew i wish i didn t always feel this way i catch myself laying down on my bed just staring off thinking of nothing i m trying my best everyday to at least not cry i want to get better i want to feel happy i want to look forward i have a date tomorrow with my boyfriend i ll start with that i miss him so much i m always hopeful and hope i don t drag him down he s so kind to me and ha always seen the best of me word can t describe how much he mean to me i m sorry for venting but it feel strangely nice thank you

reason i m on the edge job search i m completely unemployable i lucked out and have had three real job since graduating college but i learned nothing from them i m now in my early 0 with no applicable job skill for today s market and keep getting rejection letter toxic shithead bos i put a lot of blame on this fucker he treat me like absolute shit and actively work against any career growth he ha huge anger issue a well so i m constantly walking on eggshell gossipy toxic coworkers they spread rumor about me that were untrue and constantly talk about people behind their back if we weren t remote right now and i had to be around them i d go insane so many of my workplace have been filled with these kind of fucker can t they mind their own goddamn business and just do their work humanity s fucked i ve been close with my family for a long time now but recently my parent have gone really far right i lean left and just hate a lot of their double standard my parent take that a an opportunity to take any anger out about the current state of the world on me at work and at home there is no source of relief i have no friend nobody give a shit i dream about using some of the money i ve earned up blowing it on thing i ve always wanted to do then buying a gun and shooting myself

hey there feel good to talk to people who just a me suffer depression i never talked about it much on the internet though one of my best buddy who is a psychiatrist my parent and some other people know about it it s not many and i feel it s better this way but at least i can talk about it here a i am anonymous on the internet i hope anyways for me it s been many year that i am in a severe depression mine ha developed through a chain of various dumb decision i made that lead me to the place i m at now thing i can t change now can t simply make forgotten since the wheel of time keep spinning it s really interesting though a a 9 year old me would have never believed to suffer severe depression year later though it started many year ago back a a 9 year old i just graduated from school successfully and had every possibility like the world wa open to me a luxury many people sadly don t have and i wa dumb enough to not see clearly ahead of me thinking about what i wanted from life or where i would love to end up now i know and thinking back my 9 year old self should have known it s not really hard to figure out and i would tell my 9 year old self to think about it and keep chasing his dream especially since there wa so much time for it the path i walked though wa a pretty dark one nothing criminal nothing that would at first glance appear a particularly dark but i managed to scare away many people that in retrospect would have been great buddy friend and even girlfriend relationship like the old saying say you are your own worst enemy it s true it really is i have experienced it myself a far a i know there are two kind of depression depression that is genetically biologically caused and depression that is the product of bad experience and decision you made let s call it a reactive depression for me a you can imagine it wa the second and i could punch myself for it a what i did in all these previous year wa almost a textbook example of what not to do bad decision the worst part is that i have this mental image of an alternate reality where i didn t decide the way i did where i wa smarter and while i know it s a mental image it doesn t feel that way the worst thing is it s a devil chain a bad experience lead to me feeling worse while some people learn to hide their depression and keep smiling and joking in front of others just so that others won t realize how you truely feel i don t have that gift a i am usually in a bad mood and are perceived a a very unfriendly person by others which again lead to social alienation which make my depression even worse it s gotten really worse the last few year interestingly after coming back from being homeless and living on the street for half a year to a point where i don t want to live anymore where i want to forget

i wan na bash my head against the wall till my brain fall out i m so exhausted i hate myself for the mistake i ve made i hate myself i wish i could start over again and not be such a fucking idiot why why did it have to go this way

lately my best friend only long term friend ha just been brushing me off we joke for hour on end and i listen to them vent almost daily but when i brought up that i lost interest in all of my hobby again they go lmao same me a month ago and changed the subject i always put in an effort to be there for them even when i m in a low place and if i m not really able to feel empathy i tell them i refer them to help hotlines they refuse to get actual help i have given them every opportunity to get professional help by making a list of therapist in their area that take their insurance i ve given them every helpline under the sun whenever i have relative advice i give it to them but they always ignore it at one point i just stopped i stopped trying so hard and realized how much they rely on me to do everything for them they asked me a question i usually google it for them and summarize it i told them to google it they got annoyed with me so i cut them off for a few week whenever we started talking again thing were going well but of course a their type doe they eventually fell back into old habit this is strike for me and while i really don t want to lose the positive time we have together they just don t outweigh the negative i m tired i ve put in constant work and effort into being a healthy and stable a i am today and i m honestly not willing to slow down or trip up because of them i m open to any feedback or advice

what is the point of living life suck life is hard 90 of the time the 0 that doesn t suck doesn t make up for the other 90 people say that i need to just keep on living because they would miss me they re selfish what about what i want i just want to blink out of existence before anyone start feeling like a knight in shining armor i know i m loved i know i m not alone i m know i m smart and valuable i know all the thing but none of those thing make up for the fact that i simply don t want to be here anymore

i ve been taking fluoxetine for two year now and my ability to orgasm i m a girl ha completely gone out the window in that time i finally felt secure enough to ask to switch medication to one that doesn t have such an impact on my sex life and i ve just been prescribed mirtazapine l d be so grateful if anyone could share their experience on mirtazapine both sexual and otherwise i ve seen online it seems to take a lot longer to start working week and i m nervous about feeling worse in that time too i am continuing to take fluoxetine whilst we increase the mirtazapine so i don t go without doe it feel different to ssri s did it help your sexual life did it make you feel worse before it made you feel better what are the side effect like

idk if anyone else get this feeling but i do and it never really go away i get this feeling everywhere and all the time like i just don t belong i always feel like i don t belong anywhere like no one will ever get me i know that sound kinda childish but it s true i just never belong anywhere and any time i try to talk about something i m very interested in it seems like i m the only one interested in these thing and i m always the one they call weird and ostracised i m always the butt of a joke with my friend and family i never get to talk about the thing i wan na talk about even my closest friend don t get me i just feel so alone all the time and it often lead me to making terrible decision any time i think i m happy i just ruin it then that lead me to get paranoid any time i m happy which again lead to me ruining it again i feel like this sound like nonsense but idk how to properly put this feeling into a coherent sentence sorry if this wa too long too

life seems to be so unfair how come i am mentally struggling and unwell 0x more compared to people who abuse substance or i guess sometimes to people who just drink a lot smoke a lot of weed etc it doesn t seem to affevt them negatively meanwhile i am completely sober but seems to be going through so much shit sleep issue regardless of no substance abuse i jusy don t understand

time go by so fast i had two day off work and i wasted them away just lying in bed i want to do something productive apply for college take a walk outside talk to girl literally do anything other than sink further into this constant malaise but i simply don t know where to find the energy putting effort into thing just drain me even more it s absolutely miserable the way life seems to be

here i am back again currently it s am and i m holding back what can only be described a a mental break from my roommate and this dude who s also sleeping over it s really wild how there s a grey area over expression of emotion it s like emotion are only cool to be expressed when it s convenient to others and every other time is just a complete drag on society and those around you

hi i m m i m pretty sure i have depression im sad literally all the time and i just wanted to explain a lot to get some feedback sorry if it s too much so im around 0 0lbs and ft so im fat no girl ever liked or like me i don t like myself i don t look good in clothes nothing i have a loving family but i feel so alone i constantly think about what it would be like to be a normal weight and have people actually like me i stay awake until am and wake up too tired to stay awake in school or on weekend i wake up at like or i ve been going to the gym day a week with my friend lost lb hopefully this help me shed the weight but even though i count calorie i constantly eat unhealthy or fast food i feel like i m a failure to my friend and family i had this girl who i talked to for many year her and i were very close and she finally pushed me away i constantly wonder if maybe i would still be close with her if i wa a normal weight i have no motivation and i can t cry anymore i try but it just doesn t come out i have nobody to tell all this a when i try they say it s too depressing and they don t want to talk about it anymore even though all this is going on i don t have any intention or even the slightest thought of suicide or self harm i just want to be normal and loved

yeah once i m alone i get so so depressed i ve only been at home for a day because it s my off day and i m already feeling like shit like there s nothing to look forward to i would opt to go out but i don t have money for it to be a good day with friend i know that there are thing we can do that doesn t require money but food is a necessity and i can t really go out without spending on food i d go to a friend s house but i only have one friend who s house is always available but she life too far away it s really hard to realise that the only thing keeping me sane is distraction like work i try to be more involved with my family but they always make me feel like shit i try to reach out to my friend but they re always busy signing up for cool class like yoga or pottery or whatever would help me meet new people but it cost money and plus i work hr day a week it s hard to spare time and my adhd causing me time blindness doe not help at all like yeah i have free day but when you count in the hour i spend having executive dysfunction or procrastinating it s basically nothing i can t relax for shit when i m on my own it s hard to reach out to people when they don t take whatever i feel seriously i just wish they cared enough to reach out and be willing to spend some time with me even if we don t have money i hate being alone so much fyi i am on an internship and i m being paid 0 a month and my family is not financially stable

i m have been feeling down lately and my mum brought up something today that really made me feel worse i want to disclaim that i do not at all blame my mother for this she wa bringing up a fair and valid point that i had been trying to ignore i am extremely lucky and go to a quite fancy school but my mother constantly feel the need to bring up that i m wasting all of the excellent opportunity there while this is true it suddenly hit me that she wa right and that i felt like i wa not only wasting school opportunity but my own life my sister also ha mental health issue and is seeing a psychologist and i feel like i need a similar set up however i feel awful about telling my mum that she will have to send her other kid to therapy a well is there any way to see a therapist by myself online or something

i love my family i have a slightly distant yet mostly kind older brother a supporting and caring mother and a funny and relatable father i have a stable home life and have a roof over my head and i never starve i would say i have an amazing family and life yet i constantly ruin it i ve been sick and i ll probably need to repeat the grade even doing online course i don t know if i can even pas high school my parent have spent a lot of medical fund for a useless child i have no friend since covid started due to online course and the only people that i constantly to other than my family are doctor and my tutor i make sure that my family never find out i m suicidal though they don t need any more problem i don t even know if you would call me a suicidal a i only have suicidal thought daily i don t cut myself or do anything like that but the reason is because i want to see my family in japan one last time before i die we re going on a trip to japan this summer and that s the sole thing i m living for i m scared of the thought of what will happen to me once i no longer have anything to look forward to i know that at this point i ll probably kill myself the second we come back here at least i ll be known a the cousin who probably died first instead of the suicidal one or a drug addict i know how much my entire family pretend my cousin who is a drug addict doesn t exist so i know the horrid backlash that would occur if i survived i know that if i fail dying i ll fake a recovery before properly offing myself sorry this ended up turning into a suicide idolization rant if you managed to even read it this far i bet your thinking why don t i just get a therapist therapy solves everything not i had a therapist for a whole month and i hated the judging eye the subtle why are you here you have a great life and the fact that they treat you like some kind of test subject orochimaru like creepy people i honestly managed to connect more with my tutor that i ve only known for month who i only met once every two week on zoom never met her in person now i bet your thinking wait why did you contradict yourself you said that your family didn t know you are suicidal and yet you had a therapist it wa because i had to go to so many doctor so often that mother thought about my mental health and gave me a therapist i had the therapist or month before my mother decided that i wa just fine i thank my ability to hide suicidal thought well thank you reddit for letting me make this confession i felt like i needed to say it somewhere where no one would ever find out who i am

for the past year and a half i ve had constant tiredness fatigue and just haven t felt like myself i used to be pretty active always working on project excited about life for the last year and a half i just feel like a shell of myself tired and meh i m also hungry constantly i ve seen my doctor and a few different specialist and had plenty of blood work done including thyroid and everything ha been normal no sleep apnea no anemia no lyme my doc said we have essentially ruled out most if not all straight up medical cause of fatigue beyond the possibility i m just not getting good sleep due to underlying stress or anxiety hard for me to tell how well i m sleeping not waking up refreshed but i m in bed for hr a night i ve begun to wonder if i m simply depressed since everything else ha kind of been ruled out i don t feel very sad and i don t feel hopeless i don t lack the motivation to do all the thing i love i just feel too tired or lazy to do them but i really want to be my old self again if i could snap my finger and have my energy back i d do it in a heartbeat how do i know if i m depressed

how would you feel if you had told someone that you were depressed and then later on they said that to you idk how to feel ab it on one hand i m like ok that s really good that they see me the same way and not like just a depressed person on the other hand i don t feel so good bc it s like they don t acknowledge that part of me i guess what doesn t sit right w me is the fact that they perhaps have some sort of image in their head of what depression look like so when i m not explicitly expressing my depression they forget you have depression idk maybe i m overthinking this but y all lmk your opinion bc i m interested in other povs

i came from my ex boyfriend year ago i lived year only like i wa breathing air and nothing more no interest no hobby no people only my room an pc and game i went trough some trauma and i thought someone found me a a person he heard me everything but couple day ago he got sick a he turned 0 he doe not care nothing i dont know what to do what to think i am overthinking about the worst thing that he will leave me after all i said to him did to for him everything i am in really bad condition due to my friend suddenly passed away depression and threatening a he did not handle it so yes he took his life i really miss the person who can i talk write i dont know what have i done i bought perfume for me i wrote to him he didnt even notice we were playing together but now we not when i asked him what is wrong with me he said nothing but when he played yesterday and i waited for him he played with his friend i literally cried the whole evening i feel i am not enough and i think when he will be fine it wont be like before

i don t want to fight cause i know that won t work and i also know it s odd because they touch my poofy big curly hair probably because i m a guy and also when i sneeze they laugh and stuff and just say stuff like oh covid kid with the lion mane is spreading covid when in reality it s just my severe allergy

been depressed my whole life it feel like i used to have hope maybe high school wa rough but college will be my time to have fun and be happy then college wa traumatizing but i told myself thing will be better once i get a job and am done with school well guess what the time ha come and working 9 is a hell worse than all the others my whole life ha been miserable and it ha only gotten worse and worse why on earth would i believe thing will get better it ha never happened that s just on a personal level too with everything that s going on in the world environmentally politically even if i wa a mentally happy person who can honestly feel optimistic about the future of humanity after experiencing the past couple year my spirit feel truly crushed in a way i can t even describe even if i heal some of my mental illness what s the point what do i have to look forward to working til i die the thing i d do just to feel happy for one day

anyone know a good way i can work on not over thinking thing a much it s starting to take a toll

year have passed but the only thing that doesn t seem to pas is this tough phase of loneliness i have had a very troubled childhood i wa bullied throughout school probably since every grade post th i didn t have any friend used to roam alone in school during recess coz sitting alone in class without friend used to make me feel really awkward and sad i am now graduated college but situation hasn t gotten that better i did make few society friend lately but they only contact me whenever they need my help or vice versa i tried talking normally too but to no avail they would simply seen zone me i tried dating site too many a time but they were a big flop they always ended up damaging my self esteem a i never ever got more than like whenever on festival when my society friend call me to hangout they always boast that how amazing their experience have been with girl in college someone wa hooking up with different chick in a single week someone else just competed year of relationship am the only fucking one in the entire group of 0 who ha never dated even once it make me feel really really sad and just completely destroys my self esteem i have never ever kissed a girl never held hand with any girl and it just go on and on it make me feel like a failure i feel like i got no one in life it s even tough to sum it up all in this post a there s just too much stuff to share the family issue failed attempt at getting a girl getting used by a girl and then getting blocked from her and much more it make it impossible for me to focus on my study thankyou so much for giving me your time lt much love

i don t know if this is my depression or various other diagnosis i have ptsd anxiety etc but i ve been trying so hard to work on school stuff and i just can t do it i open the article i m supposed to read and i read the first sentence i know what word i m reading just like i know what word i m typing here but the time i get to the next sentence i ve completely forgotten what the previous one said it s become an awful cycle of re reading thing until i eventually give up and spiral into bad coping habit i feel like my brain is melting ha anyone else experienced this i feel awful because i m only i m supposed to be youthful and smart but i m just losing every part of who i used to be i have one job and that is being a student and i can t even do that right

in 0 0 my wife and i moved back to my small hometown due to price of living and being closer to family since then it ha been just the worst year of my life the pandemic started getting serious so we distanced ourselves from my family because everyone wa still going out and acting like we weren t in a plague we have small child one ha a very weak immune symptom we were basically ostracized and told how selfish we were to a point where i got very close to taking my own life thing got better but i m not a close to my mom a i used to be the whole ordeal made me realize how much of a narcissist she is and that she turn everything into a fight recently we pulled my year old out of pre school because many kid i his class got covid with the intent of sending him back a soon a he can get vaccinated my mom is constantly fighting with me and my wife saying we are failing my son anytime i try to even explain my side she turn it into a fight i m at a point where i just can t do it anymore i m mentally exhausted in my head i m already planning on selling our house in the hopefully near future and moving this is just me venting because i have no one else to vent to i can t connect with anyone here in this town because most of them never got out

every time i go home i would walk to the long bridge near the campus then wear my earphone so that i won t feel lonely a i walk through the bridge i d notice different soul some don t care others seem happy but few are just lonely a i am can they also see my soul so i d walk fast enough for them not to see mine i don t like going home because i would feel the loneliness more echoing through me however at the same time a i spend time outside i d feel how pitiful my life ha become seeing how others laugh and smile can they also feel the loneliness darkness brings every night maybe everything seems endless but i know i d be okay somehow someday i only need to wait a little bit more and be stronger so that this sadness wouldn t consume me faster than i d feel when my happiness come

i m in my 0 and talking with my coworkers made me realize how different i wa they talk about the different party they ve been to and how drunk they got i don t think i ve been to a party with more than people where we were drinking i mostly drink alone and have no issue putting a liter down of 0 alchohol in an evening my life feel like only pain and alchohol is the only relief i get why do i live with this curse i have been severely depressed since i wa 0 i can t hardly remember life before depression i ve had a few attempt but always chickened out before i could take off the safety so i drink i dont like bar i already spend to much on cheap bottle of liquor i dont like drinking but it s the only relief i feel cheated out since i never experienced the fun of party where drinking wa about having fun rather than just drowning

i can t stand feeling like nobody care anymore it sound weird and desperate but i really just want to love someone and them to love me back

on the surface i can think of a lot of reason feeling ashamed about needing med worrying about side effect forgetting about them etc but at the end of the day i can t say exactly why i just know i don t want to take my med at the same time i know i need them i know that without them i simple task like showering and doing dish feel impossible i ll fall behind on my schoolwork isolated myself and sleep hour a day i know they work for me and that i ve felt much better when i wa taking them regularly but dang it i just don t want to take them one day i just ignored my alarm to take them and then i ve kept doing it now i take them so sporadically that they can t be doing much they re an ssri and mood stabilizer so they need to build up in your system and such part of me think maybe i just hate the daily reminder that i m not ok like i think that maybe if i ignore it for long enough i ll forget that i feel that way but even knowing that may be a part of it it doesn t feel like that s all there is to it and i don t know what to do about it mostly i m just wondering if anyone else feel like this too and if you do do you know why you feel that way and what may have helped you get back on track with taking them regularly i ve talked to my therapist and friend but i haven t been able to really figure out the full reason i feel this way or how to get back to taking them regularly if you ve dealt with this before or think you may understand why this resistance to taking med is happening i d appreciate hearing some potential reason or way to improve this of course everyone s mental health is unique so i may not relate to someone else s reason but i would still really appreciate hearing any potential one so i can understand my feeling about this a bit better

i ve been having this thought that depression is very to addiction the harder you try to push away depression usually the harder it rip you back in additionally non adicts non depressed think they are strong enough to put down the pill or booze for good or just brighten up and snap out of depression

it so hard to open up to people because even the one im close with forget about meksksjsjshdjsjs i ll die and they ll wonder why didn t she say anything well babe i did but nobody cared enough to remember the urge to make everyone feel guilty over it is real

i ve been dealing with depression for pretty much a long a i can remember wa diagnosed with it a a child some day are better than others the same can be said about the month and even year to be honest i never thought i would make it to the age i am now and have never really given any thought to what i wanted out of life besides the basic thing like friend loved one and many even a romantic partner outside of that i am lost i don t have a dream job in mind really and i don t have any set goal i m getting older and it feel like the wall are closing in on what time i have left and i don t know what to do i have friend and family who love me but they have their life pretty much together at this point or are close to their goal i have a job i hate no career option i can t drive and don t have any education outside of high school i feel like i just exist i have to rely on people for ride which make me feel like a burden i don t have enough money to make it on my own so i live with my parent i feel like friend keep me around out of pitty because i tend to be the one to start every conversation i m a part of people s life but have nothing of my own i don t know what to do anymore i know i m not at my worst yet because some thing still bring me some joy but none of that fix the problem i have no motivation i try to reach out for help but i don t exactly get any i pretty much get pushed to the back burner a lot and i get it people have their own thing to deal with but i need help i can t do this alone because doing it on my own isn t working i just want to leave this place i m in the job the town the everything probably and find what i want whatever that is i don t even know if i m looking for advice or just to have someone tell me i m not crazy

i just feel really alone talking to ppl might just drag them down with me too idk reddit rlly is just the only place i can truly share my feeling on

i fucking hate how you start to get to know someone and think they re pretty cool then they block you on everything and it just fuck suck make me want to cry all day and just ignore everyone but i know i can t

i ve always been this put together person in people s eye but in reality i m so close to the end i see no light at the end of the tunnel i have no passion motivation and anything that generates to being happy i don t know what to do i m in constant despair i don t really like opening up to anyone i know i just feel like there s nothing i can do to fix this

i m in my early 0 and realized it ll almost be 0 year since i wa diagnosed the time of my life supposed to filled with fun memory have been nothing but pain i don t intend on living another decade like this

simply put i did not take college or any role post h seriously it s why i m forever living with limitation

i ve struggled with suicidal thought for a long time and i ve been close to attempting many time but there wa a day about a month ago on which i stopped drinking water out of desperation i hoped to die from dehydration i wa aware that it wouldn t work since i don t live alone and someone would notice i wa also aware that dehydration would be a slow and painful way to go that s why i started drinking water again on the next day wa this an attempt it didn t really feel like one because i wa nowhere near of dying but the intention wa there

you exit the game when you re bored or if you don t like it or if it make you feel bad right you don t snoop around for literal year waiting for the stagnant and painful game to get better right so i don t understand why i m still here i guess i m just afraid to exit the game because i ve been playing it my whole life i don t know what i ll do when i leave it it s like my game is plagued with a virus no matter what i do it won t get better i ve tried my hardest and my best to fix it fix the root of it but i ve been cursed since birth and no matter what i do it won t get better it s why i m so depressed because it will never go away i either live with it or die i am so fucking over playing this game i m so over cry and feeling like shit every waking moment i have to play the game i don t want to play anymore

the thought of living the rest of my life with depression is so sad and i don t think i can handle it i am already dead inside but i still have to live with my body i couldn t see my life other than being boring and empty there is just nothing to look forward to the regret from my past keep haunting me and there is no way to stop it no matter how hard i try to improve every day is the same a i dropped out from college and currently unemployed with unsupportive parent i believe my life is already in ruin

i don t have someone emotionally close by my parent do love me but it s cold and lack intimacy i am looking to feel emotionally safe i am trying to find a girlfriend with whom i can be safe emotionally but till them i feel i am fighting alone with no one to give me a hand if i fall emotionally to get up so i fear doing lot of thing i live in state of fear like i might one wrong thing with a date work etc and domino will fall and everything will come crumbling down which will now even push me off my physical safety couple of thing about me i am m brown man from india currently living in europe i had childhood where i had oppositional defiant disorder imagine the junior healy from problem child or the movie the babadook but he had understanding father i didn t had such supporting figure and school made it clear to my mother if he isn t disciplined he will be kicked out of school and she fearing i would not have better future without school education i will be left behind she implemented corporal punishment like kicking me hitting with metal rod etc and routine shaming at school for me being bad wa common getting kicked out of class wa common so much that now i joke about my childhood a being and outstanding student because of many time i wa to stand out of class there wa a point when thing got to boiling point that my mom wished i wasn t born to her eventually i realized the pain i caused people about me i started to doing thing to make others my mom happy well i tried it didn t worked always i never lost my rebel streak but a constant ping in my head would haunt me of thing i have done to cause others inconvenience in past somewhere down the line i lost myself and i trying to be myself but i fear of falling in my old self and everybody hating me i have fear of judgment like one recent example i live in white neighborhood and given the medium doesn t have that many positive image of young brown man other than extremely nerdy or extremely creepy and i fear if i like someone who isn t brown might judge me don t get me wrong if a stoic brown girl come in my life with good sense of humor and decent looking i don t mind having a relationship with her but i fear if we both have exposed to similar set of medium trope she might judge me by same parameter i try to use humor a coping mechanism to make people around me happy but then get in overthinking and depression mode if one person doesn t laugh or find me annoying i have intimacy issue i think i don t remember exact detail but i wa being cheeky a usual with a girl back in india she wa laughing at my joke and at one point she said you so cute and hugged me that feeling of hug felt so foreign that i stood there frozen i am hyper independent cause my mom have warned me since childhood that world is not safe place and people can take advantage of you so never be under anybody s thumb which i guess make sense not gon na lie but it also make you skeptical of lot of people which is also not good i guess i will help someone with no second thought but asking for help make me feel like keep a large rock on my heart so i forgo my need seeing happy couple make me depressed a i feel left behind like i should have done this long time ago anybody can tell me something or provide me with link or insight a for now i couldn t afford therapy i am trying to find one i am in talk with a therapy at a church in a city thanks a lot

today i finally shoved the last person out of my life that i wa keeping around only because i didn t want to feel completely and utterly alone it s ok they were using me for their own benefit a well but i broke down i realized that i m depressed again i wa trying really really hard to avoid admitting it to myself but i am ive gained about 0 pound in two month some of which i had lost and wa feeling really good about i have absolutely no friend left im struggling in school really bad so bad that i don t think i m going to graduate highschool this year and i don t have a car anymore so all i m doing is going to work or sitting at home in my room when i say i have absolutely no one i really truly mean it i couldn t name one friend that i have and my family doesn t like me either they always say that you really do have people but i don t and i can t talk to people because of the pandemic i have terrible social anxiety and i can t connect with people i m overweight and getting worse so it s not like i m approachable i truly don t believe that people would care if i wa gone sure someone dying is terrible and it s sad of course but me being gone wouldn t really affect any one after awhile i m getting to a point where i don t know whether i should wait for thing to get better or give up it s really feeling like there s no point in waiting because thing aren t going to get better no matter how long i wait i m really losing hope and i don t know what to do anymore i cant afford therapy and i really don t have anyone else to talk to

hi everyone i find myself in a sad situation and i can t really seem to be able to find a way out or support so i thought i could write about it here i m 0 and moved to study abroad month ago i love college and i love what i do i am fairly aware i am privileged in more way than one and that i should be happy about it but it s not enough when i left i tried my best to leave everything behind a much a i could because i know i will never live in my home country again and that s sort of the goal anyways a someone who ha generalized anxiety overall i am also aware that this wa a very big step in itself i have been struggling with depression and anxiety that also take toll on my physical health from time to time since i moved but everything got worse a few week ago i had a week long break from university and i forced myself not to go home so i can be more accustomed to living here the problem wa that i barely went out for week being too anxious to do so and also my neighbour and friend wa also visiting her home country i felt very alone and isolated now i started college again and i realise every day how stupid that wa and i m stuck on wanting to turn back time which i know is impossible i cry every day i wish to go home and i have major problem performing at university i honestly don t know what to do i feel hopeless and alone if anyone ha any advice i would really appreciate it thank you

it s like no matter what i do i fuck it all up why am i a giant fuck up machine

i don t feel a will to live i don t want a family i don t want to work a 9 for 0 year and then die i have friend they care about me and my family is very loving but i can t see myself just being another copy of a human who is normal speaks normal and act normal i don t feel like doing anything if i end up just being a man who dosen t really live i ll just kill myself

i m on lexapro 0mg i feel is going well and i think lexapro saved my life but somedays i feel like i have no energy not interested or is super hard to get out from bed is this normal i mean i have a good experience with lexapro but for a reason that i don t know somedays are just awful i ll talk this with my doctor but i would like to know if someone experimented the same

i m not sure if this a thought process shared by few or many but it s one i wanted some clarity on i ve suffered with mental illness since my later high school year and and now starting my rd year of university i have ambition and desire and all the intent in the world to do good with myself and be the best i can be i have goal not super defined which i think is a result of my illness but i just can t bring myself to really go for it i ve been skipping class cause of anxiety issue whilst simultaneously being completely aware of how much of my life is being wasted away because my brain won t let me do what i want to do is this a common thing it s a complete self awareness of what i m doing wrong but an incapability to change it really would like some thought on this

i wish i had someone i could talk to i know they wouldnt care but itd be nice to know i have friend

i always feel like i dont matter

in this post i will reveal the center to my problem and i better get started ive never been in a relationship before strangely i never really been attracted to many people before but recently back in november while i wa riding my bus home i seen a girl who blew my mind away she s so beautiful she s everything i find attractive she still ride my bus and i usually sit right behind her she never talked to me and i never talked to her the only interaction we had wa when she handed me a clipboard to right my name because the bus driver wa making seating chart i can t stop thinking about her i want to talk to her so bad but i never will because i m lame and have no social skill it s hard to cope with knowing there someone who relates to you so much you see everyday but not being able to go say hi it suck i m not mad i m just fucking sad man i want to cry

i m and i feel like my life is completely pointless i struggle with ocd and most of the time it consumes my every waking thought i go to therapy but somehow i never end up doing the homework and i m not making a much progress a i should be i go to my local community college even though i do really well in my class it doesn t feel like an accomplishment i originally got into a good university but dropped out very quickly due to poor mental health now a lot of my previous friend have actually graduated with degree from year university while i m still kind of stuck i can t drive and i don t have a friend group i have one close friend and a few acquaintance but i struggle with making new close friend because i am extremely socially anxious i used to have more friend but i ve burned most of those bridge looking at my life i don t really see much to live for i feel disconnected from everyone else in society and i can t escape my anxiety every stride i make seems to be temporary and i am so tired of having to struggle through every day i don t really have a point i guess i m just venting i honestly don t know if anyone can do anything for me i know i need to do the work myself it just feel pointless

fuck myself fuck life fuck people fuck society fuck everything because fuck fuck fuck all of this bullshit i would ve never fucking chosen life why am i expected to live it fuck just fuck all of this

i am suicidal almost everyday i have about half a semester left of my st year of college i am constantly studying or driving to school or doing homework i do not have time to go to the doctor for my mental health but i think it s gon na be too late one day i simply can not find the motivation to use one of my limited free day during the week to go to the doctor because i d rather lay in bed because i m depressed this is the worst sickness ever

i really need a diagnosis my body hurt sometimes not in a pain way but like a close relative ha died my heart sink my hand shake but it s over a very minor thing my head is saying everything is fine logical but my body feel horrible like i want to burst into tear i d rather physical pain than this i ve broken my finger punching stuff just to snap out of it which work but the best way is for someone to tell me i m wrong tell me that i m thinking stupidly but it s ok and that everything is alright and then it go away this ha happened for a couple year now and i hate it and i need some help it s happening a i write this and i have no one to talk to to feel alright and my head went straight to punching something so i can feel alright again but i know i shouldn t do that i d really appreciate some help

month ago i wa hospitalized because deperssion i wa diagnosed with depression they put me on abilify and depakote not first time on med year ago i wa on seroquel depakote and klonopin because my psy tought i wa bipolar but maniac phase or psychosis never happened and fit me i remember the last day in hospital i had this urge need of masturbate orgasm were beautiful and after i got home i had for a week these urge of masturbation and good orgasm but only in masturbation a i remember not in sex too someone had the same experience i wa recently diagnosed with adhd my psychiatric tapered off abilify and im now mg next week 0 i started with depakote 0 mg and 0 mg abilify next week i will be start again ritalin for my adhd why i had this increased libido thank you everybody

it s my fourth week withdrawing from paroxetine mg cr and currently i m on 0mg daily but i m going through hell will have 0 mg every alternate day starting next week pray for my soul

today my teacher called me and told me if i had trouble in class because i didnt do any of the activity she assigned she asked me specifically if i had trouble at home which i don t it somehow made me felt validated since i dont really have much to be sad about and she thinking i had it worse lmao in truth im probably just a whiny little kid that just want someone validation everyone around me tell me that im just lazy my parent and my cousin that wa once the person closest to me the worse part is that it like pm and i still didnt do shit and it suck because i have to go tomorrow again and she ll ask again i dont want to tell her anything because she ll probably call my mom or something lol she doesnt deserve this either dont want her to do something significant and care too much about me it not worth it im not worth it

hello i ll try to keep this brief i grew up in an abusive household and came to study in the u to get away from that last semester i wa assaulted my therapist say i might have some sadness and depression and i know i do but my main concern is how since starting college i literally even if my life depended on it can not focus on work i don t know if this is due to lack of motivation due to depression or some attention issue i think it might be a combination i m going to hopkins this summer for an internship and plan to see a psychiatrist there who can diagnose me any idea what kind of psychologist i should look for

i m really close to my family and my parent are the most important people in my life which make me so scared for the day that one of them dy and our life change this is my biggest fear and the worst thing is that it will actually happen some day this fear of losing the most important people in my life ha also affected my love life a in i m scared to get into a serious relationship or to think about a future with someone i really love kid but i don t think i would be able to handle all the pain if something wa to happen to them all of this make me think that maybe this really is a hell on earth did i do something bad in my previous life that now i m in hell of my own thought i wonder if there are others with these worry and making you scared to love people say that grief is the price you pay for love but i don t think i can mentally handle that and sorry if i made some grammar error english is my second language

i don t quite remember the dream part of it wa strange like all dream the place and the people who were with me changed and i don t know exactly who they were a bit like all dream but i remember that at one point i came to my room i saw a girl reading one of my book i sat next to her i gave her a kiss and she told me that she loved me i ve been awake for hour and i m still holding back the urge to cry

fuck toxic positivity you have every right to feel angry pissed depressed frustrated sad numb tired exhausted if your life s shit no even if your life isn t shit it s fucking okay

im fucking drunk at 9am even if im fucking with my life still ahead of me i don t wan na do this anymore i dont even have a house anymore i have nobodt y fck i cant even type noboidy i just want to end thing but im too scared to even kill myself hpw do i do it without failing i often imagine others doing it for me can someone help me do it where can i go to do it i think it will irresponsib e for me to just jump into traffic a i don t want others to suffer i just want to go quietly are there any service like that why is it so hard to log out of this life anybody wan na kill me no string attached we are the breath

i have been living my sadness for a year i lost my wife and i don t want to continue here i want to see her again i want to be with her i am trying to continue my life but i miss her so much

since i wa diagnosed with depression my mother pretty much didn t care about the case that i have it every time i try to approach to her and like to talk about my problem she just groan annoyed about it and tell me to be more positive no deep conversation no sight of empathie only typical standard bullshit phrase every person would say who never had it and can t understand it i went through some ruff shit and after everything that happend i just get those bland annoyed response from the person who gave birth to me

i am still doing online class my college take me hour to reach and i feel comfortable without expending gasoline car stuff and heat i live in a place where is a dessert and one of my only type of interaction is social medium i use most instagram and reddit and just today a girl who i think is pretty and everything just told me thing about why am i like her photo and i wa like this is serious she wa mad about it she wa mad because i like her photo and profile i don t have friend i ve been mentally unstable for almost year i always wan na kill myself and i believe death is the true freedom and these kind of thing happening wtf doesn t help doesn t work i know i should just ignore her and understand my position and situation but wtf humanity she said to stop doing that to others and do something else and i wa girl these are the only place where i met and i can meet people why i d feel bad about it fuck

i can feel tired all day but a soon a i m in bed i can t sleep i lay in bed for hour with my eye closed unable to sleep i have tried melatonin but it make it hard for me to wake up i have just been having a lot of trouble sleeping even when i m able to sleep i always wake up in the middle of the night and stay awake i just wan na be able to sleep early for once and be able to feel well rested in the morning any advice

even today it s a strain on society people thinking people with depression are over acting lazy making excuse even with the people who believe in it they still don t know how bad it get thinking you can change that everything will be okay or my own personal favorite a lot of people have it worse i remember finally reaching out for help on the hotline only to have the police knock on my door handcuff me and take me to the hospital i wa next to the ambulance triage door and saw multiple people enter and exit while screaming and a patient in front of me decided to do perverted act in front of me i m more traumatized by the help i got also where i live the mental health place for teen is a death trap there are many one star review for one of the few main mental health place where i live it suck that i want to get help but society just literally treat me like i m wrong or that the place where i want to get help aren t safe i do have a therapist but i still don t feel safe around her

i don t know what to so with my life i m tired of trying i m in med for my bipolar and bpd but i just can t anymore i m mad i can t be sad because of the med and it s making me crazy i can t feel anything just i feel like live it s pointless to me i only enjoy when i live for others and i don t have anyone i m tired

i m an year old male and i have spent my last couple year with little hope and lot of sadness i am writing this after failing my rd driving test 0 each i have failed my test time and just been working a fuck tonne at mcdonald s to pay for my repeated failure that s not the start though i m estranged from my family my biological dad left probably for a good reason been threatened to be kicked out my house keep in mind i need to pas my test before i leave my house for a job which is making it even more stressful most in part to my drug addiction mainly weed yes weed i ve tried to quit weed time in the last month and the furthest i ve achieved is four day before smoking again this girl i really liked dipped after one night i wanted to go to uni but got a senior year score of about out of 99 at this point i just think i m going to fail forever i feel almost selfish for making myself sound like i m experiencing what ukrainian are right now but the constant cloud of pain is so much can someone please help me see the bigger picture i m sorry

i 0m recently had to move back in with my parent and i have become incredibly depressed due to many reason living here they aren t too keen on therapy and i wa looking into cerebral doe anyone have any experience and can give an honest review of it

i have hit 0 and i had friend from highschool left i kept seeing them for the last few year but when i see them now i feel lonely and i basically cut content a few week back i have one friend left who is going through load of stuff and hardly ha any time to hang out so i basically feel so alone all the time it s crippling i feel like i m a ghost in this city no friend left no opportunity i just feel like i failed not getting out of here sooner i live in perth western australia and i wanted to move to melbourne year ago and a i wa getting ready covid struck and now i m stuck in a city i hate with people that don t value friendship i wa seeing a girl form month and she ended up cheating on me with my friend and her ex husband she broke my heart told me she loved me i invested a bit of money in cryptocurrencies and i ve 0k fuck i had enough for a deposit on a house or a new car what do i do instead i let my depression destroy me i spent 0k on hooker and weed i went through month of pure destruction i am sitting on 0k left now in cryptocurrencies i doing a bachelor of marketing and i wa going to elaborate graduating with my friend yet after the girl cheated on me i wa emotionally fucked i dropped down from unit to unit then i found out my brother wa raped he is and that dropped me so low i should have protected him then i finally got off the weed a month ago and now i have this crippling depression that keep getting deeper i keep isolating myself i don t go outside because i don t have a job i m working on getting down to the mine here so i can actually earn a living and buy some cryptocurrency honestly turning 0 ha been the worst for me i m at such a cross road and my mental strength ha been reduced to nothing the other day nearly drove myself off the road on a steep hill i thought of my family last minute and decided not to

they said if i got off my lazy as and got a job my depression would go away i d finally have a reason to live that i would be more confident and happy and now that i have a perfectly pleasant job with good pay i feel miserable i think about tomorrow with the utmost dread even tho i know tomorrow won t be so bad the worst thing that can happen is i ll embarrass myself or say something awkward but when i think about going to work tomorrow the next immediate thought is well honestly i d rather just not be alive everyone told me once i got a job and stopped being a disappointment i d be happy but now i might have some money and can pay some bill but that s it i don t feel more confident or fulfilled i feel lonelier than ever because if i tell anyone i d rather die than go to work i ll come off a spoiled and entitled instead of someone whose brain is always stuck in the flight response

i stopped my dad from killing himself yesterday and idk what i should do i don t know how to help him i offered to help him talk to a therapist but he said no i m afraid to lose him when i pulled the gun out of his hand he looked so scared and overwhelmed he even said thank you for now i took the gun from the house i hope to god it wa just a one off and he won t try again but i don t know how to help i know i can call 9 and they will put him in a hospital for his own safety i don t know i m scared of doing that he doesn t like hospital any help would be appreciated i m completely lost

even after year i still feel the hole that she made i m trying so hard but nothing work

i know it s getting to a low point again i don t want to leave my bed my grade are low my mom is worried and if she doesn t bring me food to my room i would eat i can t shower i can t help myself from sleeping i told my boyfriend and i feel like he is not here for me not with this depression stuff i don t want to do all i do is cry and sleep i m so tired and i don t even move to go to the bathroom i hate being in this loop i just hate everything and i don t want to talk to anyone but i know i need help i thought i wa doing better but i m at my lowest again

i have a hard time articulating how i really feel and it frustrates me to no end i just wan na let it all out but it so hard it make it a lot difficult to seek help when i can t really explain what i m feeling and thinking about i can somewhat recognize what i m feeling but the moment i try to write it down or explain it my mind go blank though i can say a part of me doe feel guilty for unloading all my problem onto someone so maybe thats one of the reason i m unable to reach out to people for help plus another part of me is like trying to convince myself i m actually ok and faking it or being overdramatic which also stop me from saying anything so i usually turn to the internet to see if there s anyone who might feel the same way and could explain it in word better than i can i m sort of relieved to know that there are other people feeling exactly what i m feeling cause it really make me feel like i m not alone in this although it really suck that we all have to go through this i m not in a good state right now so i can t really give word of encouragement without feeling like a hypocrite but yeah you re definitely not alone in this

i am afraid that they are gon na abandon me or hurt me when people talk around me sometimes i feel out of place and i start to daydream and isolate myself i am afraid to love someone i am afraid that they will realize that i am worthless and abandon me so i stay alone single and i have a hard time loving myself i don t take my place i don t like going out in group often i find that the group move on without realizing that someone is left behind it make me sad i ve had different friend and i ve evolved over time there have been more enjoyable group and i am doing therapy since year yet i don t fit in anywhere i feel traumatized plugged into a different wave it make me want to run away from everything i feel like i don t have what it take inside of me that i don t know how to find myself what can i do

my spouse say they are a highly sensitive person based on some reading that they have done they re also a mental health professional so they may not be jumping to conclusion too soon but i have some concern they have a lot of mood swing low self esteem and self confidence when they re not working they re almost always doom scrolling on instagram they have no interest in outdoor activity and they re also easily affected by the issue of client they see a a part of their job i see all this and tell them that they may need to see a therapist themselves because i had similar symptom and got mental health help myself but i m almost always met with a snappy response saying that they re just highly sensitive and don t see the need for therapy thought anyone

i m miserable most of the time but life is only bearable when i m with my cat but i don t think i m her favourite person anymore she stopped cuddling with me and never sleep with me now instead she spends most of her time with my brother and only come to me when she need food it s been like this for a few month and it really hurt i don t know what to do i m thinking of getting a dog when i eventually move out but that s so far from now

so tired i struggle to wake up in the morning because i dont want to i want my life to be quicker yet it so slow i wish thing were genuinely better

doe anyone else feel like this there nothing in life that make me think yeah i genuinely wan na be here ive attempted suicide before and i dont think i necessarily wan na die it just there nothing about life that i like i hate school i hate working i hate waking up i hate getting out of bed i hate having resposibilities i hate everything that come with living i hate everything to do with society money etc i have no motivation to get up and make a change hell i dont even want to at this point i dont see why i should nothing really satisfies me anymore too im currently in the process of getting a therapist so maybe they ll help me figure out what i should do but everything about life i hate if there anyone else who feel like this what are you doing to combat this feeling is there anything i can do im only it feel wrong to feel like this at such a young age

somewhat a depression post but i feel a if i don t know what my preference is i like men and woman but at the same time i ve never felt that emotionally just sexually am i just a weirdo or is their a statement for it

i ve been getting worse and worse for over a decade every year ha been worse than the last the worse loss i could ever imagine my father happened just a couple week ago i have stopped working and given up on the few thing that kept me going my th is at the end of april and i don t see myself making it to then at this point

my brain just doesn t work i almost feel retarded with this costant foggy brain feeling that i have my head is completely foggy i can t even do simple task properly such a making the bed drive ecc i need to read a sentence multiple time before getting it now everytime i try to do these thing my brain just can t concentrate on the step to do them and i end up feeling even more depressed how is this possible my executive function is fully impaired at this point i ve been dealing with this shit since two year at least and i m just a shadow of what i used to be

why can t people just accept i m tired of living i never asked be here i just want a day to say my final goodbye like what people do to elder so why can t i im happy with the memory i made but i don t want to continue i m done

it still suck m that ha a job that a lot of people wish they had hr showed me that they received over 00 application for my position i moved to a new city for this job right before covid took over can t seem to make friend or meaningful connection with anyone in just over year i don t really have hobby and dread coming home to an empty house every night i ve always struggled with self esteem and this crushing loneliness ha me struggling yo get out of bed nobody call or even sends me text message i have no one that care about me i m already hiding so much including my emotion just desperately hoping someone i know reach out to me life is hard i get that and i know it s not easy for anyone but so many people i know have it so much easier their constant smile and laughter hurt but i hurt even more pretending to smile and laugh with them i ve ended up losing the passion and drive i once had got my career and am truly lost no friend no family no career no future fml

like the title say i have no idea who i really am i question myself and wonder if i am a good or bad person lately everything in my life ha sucked and i just want it to be over w this is not a confession btw i m ok i won t harm myself i just mean the disorder to go away i need to go back to therapy and get on medication maybe

have a brain tumor worst part is i have no one to help me or comfort me good news is i know that if i tell them i will make it worse if they can t handle the small stuff they can never handle this i m so alone it not even going life threatening

i have been going to therapy for roughly year now and i feel like it isn t helping i have minute appointment bi weekly but i feel like the minute isn t enough time for me it take a bit more time each appointment to get recomfortable with a therapist if that make sense by the time i feel comfortable we barely get into anything important and i leave feeling unsatisfied i ve seen multiple different therapist and this is common with all of them i feel like i might need to find a new provider who doesn t follow this protocol but this is a common practice in my area doe anyone have advice on how to break through the awkward part each time and get down to what i need help with are there therapist out there who see people for more than min hr at a time

hi i m intense uncomfort in social setting worsening hygiene teeth pretty bad body pain from not eating properly anymore like almost fainting from the stair my body is really weak feeling too and like these fucking muscle twitching and joint pain no motivation just wanting to lay down fucked sleep and loneliness is making school suffocating i think body pain is the worst but even if i actually go to the doctor she ll just fucking tell me to eat better which i know that s the issue i m prob not going to do i m in charge of my meal and om mazy so i ve been eating frozen i just lay down everyday after coming home usually nap like usually my body feel like it s breaking down while i m there i always feel like cry at school which is fine but i have to keep dealing w this by myself is hard i m not realistically going whine about this to anyone i can t open up i tried to speak to the counselor but i only mentioned not eating properly so she just told me to eat and join a study group people don t like me generally esp adult so it s kinda no use fot me i have definitely thought about dying or getting beat up i prob won t but i m a bit stupid and hopeless at this point so my weekend i just lay in bed all day literally that s it my single parent father doesn t value thing like this it s just financial if i get hurt it s generally a burden which i m used to i just need to get my shit together

my friend that understand what i ve been through and know how much i ve struggled and how far i ve come always find a way to kick me down i m always the second option i m always the one they come to for help when i sit in my room and rot when i show sign of being in a horrible state they just ignore me they tell me i have attitude problem they treat me like i want to be this way yet they always say they re there for me always they lie with no remorse they ignore me when i m in need genuine help they only do what make them comfortable and what make them feel good i always stick my neck out for them and i never get anything in return i tell them i want to hang out and they just lie they lie and lie and lie i call them out and then they ignore me and they wonder why i want to kill myself

recently went through a breakup so that s adding to this feeling but doe anyone else feel like they are simply just living day to day for the sake of it without direction yes i have goal etc but in the past when i ve reached goal nothing ha made me feel different anyone else feel aimless all the time i also used to be able to see where i wanted to be in or year now i can t even imagine what life will be like in to month can anyone relate

i feel a if life is winning i simply dont want to be here anymore i cant tell if im loved by my parent because it certainly doesnt feel like it i feel like they just use me a a maid and thats just how ive been taught since i wa younger so there not and reason to think that im unable to every week feel the same monday friday is homework with study group and im struggling in class because i cant remember shit it not that i dont pay attention in class it that i am mentally unable to rememebr shit i know back in high school i never had the problem then two year of covid hit and now im aa dumb a rock in a engineering major ive wanted to switch so many time every semester but each time someone talk me out of it ive told my parent twoce already but they insist that i finish school before trying to learn other thing i cant tell if my girlfriend love me anymore after the argument we had a week or two ago about me playing clash of clan and not giving her attention even though i feel like im doing everything i can to give her attention i cant sleep anymore and i just find myself staying up late and repeating the cycle it not like im not trying to better myself either i go to the gym with my friend at school and ive been doing it for week now i just thought it would help me get into the right mindset and help me focus more on school and maybe bring me out of this year depressive episode ive been in since covid started but nothing ive done work now im afraid that i have been pushing my gf and my close friend away and i just want to end it all i just want to jump off a bridge into oncoming traffic where i will have no chance of recovering i just want to go so badly but i cant im trapped not by others but by myself cry doesnt make me le of a man right

anyone else just done i m at a point in life where nothing is going bad and i understand i m blessed to be in such position but at the same time nothing going good my friend group have dissipated i rarely hang out with people everyday is just a repeat of the last what do i do it s getting lonely

i think my friend is depressed he isn t the same and he s going through a lot his girlfriend cheated and he recently found out he is adopted and i want to know how to help him

whenever i m about to fall down in the dump i start having a very very intense feeling of disgust everyone and everything feel gross to me i start hating my mother s laugh and voice i hate every smell i start hating myself even more i feel gross when i look at the mirror i want to hide and i wish i were dead everything feel bigger and more detailed i start eating like a pig and feel horrible ha someone felt this way do you know how to snap out of it it s better when i m just tired of everything not grossed out i m tired of this stuff