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Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, | |
Steve Schulze and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team | |
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* * * * * | |
Vol II. No. 27 | |
PUNCHINELLO | |
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 1, 1870. | |
PUBLISHED BY THE | |
PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, | |
83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK. | |
* * * * * | |
THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD, | |
By ORPHEUS C. KERR, | |
Continued in this Number. | |
See 15th Page for Extra Premiums. | |
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PREFACE | |
"HALF a year, half a year, half a year onward," has PUNCHINELLO advanced | |
since he wafted his first number to the four quarters of the globe. | |
His road has not been a very easy one to travel. | |
Bad characters lurked behind the fences, from which they would sometimes | |
take a sneak shot at the Showman as he passed. These fellows were | |
awfully bad shots, though, never so much as hitting the van in which the | |
show travels. PUNCHINELLO'S return fire always set the scamps | |
a-scampering, and all they had for their pains was the loss of their | |
ammunition, and the discovery that the row kicked up by them had | |
attracted crowds of people to the spot, so that PUNCHINELLO'S show was | |
capitally advertised by their noise. | |
PUNCHINELLO'S First Volume, then, is a substantial fact. It is an | |
entirely new, original, and complete article, which no family should be | |
without. | |
Read what the New York _Moon that Shines for All_ says about it: | |
"Put a head on yourself by reading PUNCHINELLO, Vol. 1. It is by far the | |
best tonic bitters in the market. It cured the editor of this paper of a | |
very malignant attack, (made by himself on PUNCHINELLO,) after three | |
applications." | |
Several gentle critics predicted an early death for PUNCHINELLO on | |
account of the buff color selected by him for his full dress costume. | |
Ha! ha! gentlemen, many a blow falls harmless on the wearer of a | |
buff-jerkin. As the old poet, whose name we have forgotten, might have | |
said, had he been in the humor--"He who will cuff it, Eke should buff | |
it,"--a maxim to which PUNCHINELLO gives his cordial adhesion. | |
And now comes PUNCHINELLO to the beginning of his Second Volume, | |
encouraged by the success of his First. | |
If Vol. I of PUNCHINELLO was a _Chassepot_, (and it _did_ make some | |
havoc in the ranks of the enemy,) Vol. II is intended to be a | |
_mitrailleuse_. It will be so arranged as to combine total annihilation | |
with bewitching music. For instance, by turning one of the cranks by | |
which it is worked, PUNCHINELLO will be able to project a shower of such | |
mortiferous missiles against all abettors of crime and vice, all quacks, | |
political and social, all corrupt officials, all Congress, (except the | |
Right Party,) all torpid fogies and peddlers of red tape, all humbugs of | |
every size and shape, in fact, as will speedily reduce them to ashes. | |
Then, by skilfully manipulating the other crank, he can produce from it | |
strains of such mellifluous harmony that the very telegraph-poles will | |
throng around him, as erstwhile did the trees of the forest around | |
ORPHEUS, and tender their services for the transmission of his melting | |
music to all the beautiful places on Earth. It is hardly necessary to | |
say that "Hail Columbia" is the very first tune on the cylinder of | |
PUNCHINELLO'S musical _mitrailleuse_. | |
With his mind's eye, (an apparatus expressly constructed for and fitted | |
to his mental organization by a renowned necromancer,) PUNCHINELLO sees | |
his Public surging towards him, and grasping with outstretched hands at | |
the showers of _bon bons_ with which he plentifully supplies them from | |
an inexhaustible casket. | |
Among them are thousands of familiar forms, and these are mostly in the | |
front. After these come several thousands of new forms, all pressing | |
forward upon the heels of the others with an eagerness that augurs for | |
PUNCHINELLO Vol II a tremendous and unparalleled success. Each of these | |
good people carries four dollars ($4) in his right hand, which he waves | |
at PUNCHINELLO, who affably accepts the greenbacks from him when within | |
proper distance, and then, dipping his pen in ink without a drop of gall | |
in it, books the donor for a year's subscription in advance. | |
As for party, PUNCHINELLO knows but one party--and that is the Right | |
Party. Stirring times are before us. The Right Party is not going to lie | |
down and sleep while the times are stirring. Nor is PUNCHINELLO. When | |
anything that interests the Right Party has got to be stirred, | |
PUNCHINELLO will be on hand. He has been so long used to starring it, | |
that he makes light of stirring it. He can stir with a red-hot poker and | |
he can stir with a feather,--"You pays your money and you takes your | |
choice." | |
And now, having stirred the spirit within him to a demonstrative pitch, | |
PUNCHINELLO shies his cocked hat into space, and calls upon his Public | |
to give three rousing cheers for the | |
RIGHT PARTY. | |
* * * * * | |
Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the | |
PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, in the Office of the Librarian of | |
Congress at Washington. | |
* * * * * | |
THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. | |
AN ADAPTATION. | |
BY ORPHEUS C. KERR. | |
CHAPTER XX. | |
AN ESCAPE. | |
The bewildered Flowerpot had no sooner gained her own room, enjoyed her | |
agitated expression of face in the mirror, and tried four differently | |
ribbon-bows upon her collar in succession, than the thought of | |
becoming Mr. BUMSTEAD'S bride lost the charm of its first wild novelty, | |
and became utterly ridiculous. He was a man of commanding stature, which | |
his linen "duster" made appear still more long; the dark circles around | |
his eyes would disappear in time, and he had an abusive way of referring | |
to women which made him inexpressibly grand to women as a true | |
poet-soul; but would it be safe, would it be religiously right, for a | |
young girl, not yet conscious of her own full power of annual monetary | |
expenditure, to blindly risk her necessary expenses for life upon one | |
whom the cost of a single imported bonnet, in the contingency of a | |
General European War, might plunge into inextricable pecuniary | |
embarrassment? Possibly, the General European War might not occur in an | |
ordinary married-lifetime, as France was no longer in a condition to | |
menace England, Russia would be wary about provoking the new Prussian | |
giant, and Austria and Italy were not likely soon to forget their last | |
military misadventures; yet, while all the great American journals had, | |
for the last twenty years, published daily editorials, by young writers | |
from the country, to show that such a War could not possibly be averted | |
longer than about the day after tomorrow, would it be judicious for a | |
young girl to marry as though that War were absolutely impossible? No! | |
Her woman's heart sternly reiterated the pitilessly negative; and, as | |
the Ritualistic organist had plainly evinced an earnest intention to let | |
no foreign military complications prevent her marriage with him, she | |
felt that her only safety from his matrimonial violence must be sought | |
in flight. | |
With whom, though, could she take refuge? If she went to MAGNOLIA | |
PENDRAGON, all her dearest schoolmates would say, that they had always | |
loved her, despite her great faults, yet could not disguise from | |
themselves that she seemed at last to be fairly running after Miss | |
PENDRAGON'S brother. Besides, Mr. BUMSTEAD, offended by the seeming want | |
of confidence in him evinced by her flight, would, probably, take | |
measures publicly to identify MAGNOLIA'S alpaca garment with the | |
covering of his lost umbrella, and thus direct new suspicion against a | |
sister and brother already bothered almost into hysterics. | |
During the last few weeks, an attack of dyspepsia had laid the | |
foundation of a mind in the Flowerpot, as it generally does in other | |
young female American boarding-school thinkers, and she was now capable | |
of that subtle line of reasoning which is the great commendation of her | |
sex to a recognized perfect intellectual equality with man. Once | |
decided, by her apprehension of a General European War, against marriage | |
with J. BUMSTEAD, she took a rather irritable view of that too | |
attractive devotional musician, and inferred, from his not being wealthy | |
enough to stand the test of possible transatlantic hostilities, that he | |
must, himself, have killed EDWIN DROOD. His umbrella, it was well known, | |
had been present at that fatal Christmas dinner; and a thoughtless | |
insult offered to it, even by his nephew, might have made a demon of | |
him. Suppose that EDWIN, upon returning to the dining-room that night, | |
after his temporary exercise in the open air with MONTGOMERY PENDRAGON, | |
had found his uncle, flushed with cloves, endeavoring to force a social | |
glass of lemon tea upon the umbrella, under the impression that it was a | |
person, and had unthinkingly accused him thereat of being momentarily | |
unsettled in his faculties? Probably, then, hot words would have passed | |
between them; each telling the other that he would have a nice headache | |
in the morning and find it impossible not to look very sleepy even if he | |
fixed his hair ever so elaborately. Blows might have followed: the | |
uncle, in his anger, hewing the nephew limb from limb with the carving | |
knife from the table, and subsequently carrying away the remains to the | |
Pond and there casting them in. Suppose, in his natural excitement, the | |
uncle had hurriedly used the umbrella, opened and held downward, to | |
carry the remains in; and, after coming home again, and snatching a nap | |
under the table, had forgotten all about it, and thus been ever since | |
inconsolable for his alpaca loss? As the young orphan argued thus | |
exhaustively to herself, the extreme probability of her suppositions | |
made her more and more frenzied to fly instantly beyond the reach of one | |
who, in the event of a General European War, would not be a husband whom | |
her head could approve. | |
After penning a hasty farewell note to Miss CAROWTHERS, to the effect | |
that urgent military reasons obliged her to see her guardian at once, | |
FLORA lost no time in packing a small leather satchel for travel. Two | |
bottles of hair oil, a jar of glycerine, one of cold cream, two boxes of | |
powder, a package of extra back-hair, a phial of belladonna, a | |
camel's-hair brush for the eyebrows, a rouge-saucer for pinking the | |
nails, four flasks of perfumery, a depilatory in a small flagon, and | |
some tooth paste, were the only articles she could pause to collect for | |
her precipitate escape; and, with them in the satchel on her arm, and a | |
bonnet and shawl hurriedly thrown on, she stole away down-stairs, and | |
thus from the house. | |
Hastening to the Roach House, from whence started an omnibus for the | |
ferry, she was quickly rattling out of Bumsteadville in a vehicle | |
remarkable for the great number and variety of noises it could make when | |
maddened into motion by a span of equine rivals in an immemorial | |
walking-match. | |
"Now, BONNER," she said to the driver, taking leave of him at the | |
ferry-boat, "be sure and let Miss CAROWTHERS know that you saw me safely | |
off, and that I was not a bit more tired than if I had walked all the | |
way." | |
Blushing with pleasure at the implied compliment to his equipage from | |
such lips, the skilled horseman had not the heart to object to the | |
wildly mutilated fragment of currency with which his fare had been paid, | |
and went back to where his steeds were taking turns in holding each | |
other up, as happy a man as ever lost money by the change in woman. | |
Reaching the city, Miss POTTS was promptly worshiped by a hackman of | |
marked conversational powers, who, whip in hand, assured her that his | |
carriage was widely celebrated under the titles of the "Rocking Chair," | |
the "Old Shoe," and the "Glider," on account of its incredible ease of | |
motion; and that, owing to its exquisite abbreviation of travel to the | |
emotions, those who rode in it had actually been known to dispute that | |
they had ridden even half the distance for which they were charged. Did | |
he know where Mr. DIBBLE, the lawyer, lived, in Nassau Street, near | |
Fulton? If she meant lawyer DIBBLE, near Fulton Street, in Nassau, next | |
door but one to the second house below, and directly opposite the | |
building across the way, there was just one span of buckskin horses in | |
the city that could take a carriage built expressly for ladies to that | |
place, as naturally as though it were a stable. It was a place that | |
he--the hackman--always associated with his own mother, because he was | |
so familiar with it in childhood, and had often thought of driving to it | |
blindfolded for a wager. | |
Proud to learn that her guardian was so well known in the great city, | |
and delighted that she had met a charioteer so minutely familiar with | |
his house of business, FLORA stepped readily into the providential hack, | |
which thereupon instantly began Rocking-Chair-ing, Old-Shoe-ing, and | |
Gliding. Any one of these celebrated processes, by itself, might have | |
been desirable; but their indiscriminate and impetuous combination in | |
the present case gave the Flowerpot a confused impression that her whole | |
ride was a startling series of incessant sharp turns around obdurate | |
street corners, and kept her plunging about like an early young | |
Protestant tossed in a Romish blanket. Instinctively holding her satchel | |
aloft, to save its fragile contents from fracture, she rocked, shoed and | |
glided all over the interior of the vehicle, without hope of gaining | |
breath enough for even one scream, until, nearly unconscious, and, with | |
her bonnet driven half-way into her chignon, she was helped out by the | |
hackman at her guardian's door. | |
"I am dying!" she groaned. | |
"Then please remember me in your will, to the extent of two dollars," | |
returned the hackman with much humor. "You're only a little sea-sick, | |
miss; as often happens to people in humble circumstances when they ride | |
in a kerridge for the first time." | |
Still panting, Miss POTTS paid and discharged this friendly man, and, | |
weariedly entering the building, followed the signs up-stairs to her | |
guardian's office. | |
After knocking several times at the right door without reply, she turned | |
the knob, and entered so softly that the venerable lawyer was not | |
aroused from the slumber into which he had fallen in his chair by the | |
window. With a copy of _Putnam's Magazine_ still grasped in his honest | |
right hand, good Mr. DIBBLE slept like a drugged person; nor could the | |
young girl awaken him until, by a happy inspiration, she had snatched | |
away the monthly and cast it through the casement. | |
"Am I dreaming?" exclaimed the aged man, when thus suddenly rescued from | |
his deadly lethargy at last "Is that you, my dear; or are you your late | |
mother?" | |
"I am your ridiculously unhappy ward," answered the Flowerpot, | |
tremulously. "Oh, poor, dear, absurd EDDY!" | |
"And you have come here all alone?" | |
"Yes; and to escape being married to EDDY'S perfectly hateful uncle, who | |
has the same as ordered me to become his utterly disgusted bride. Oh, | |
why is it, why is it, that I must be thus persecuted by young men | |
without property! Why is it that perfectly horrid madmen on salaries are | |
allowed to claim me as their own!" | |
"My dear," cried the old lawyer, leading her to a chair, and striving to | |
speak soothingly, "if Mr. BUMSTEAD desires to marry you he must indeed | |
be insane. Such a man ought really to be confined," he continued, pacing | |
thoughtfully up and down the room. "This must have been the idea that | |
was already turning his brain when--bless my soul!--he actually | |
intimated, first, that I, and then, that Mr. SIMPSON, had killed his | |
nephew!" | |
"He thinks, now, that I, or MAGNOLIA PENDRAGON, may have done it,--the | |
hateful creature!" said FLORA, passionately. | |
"I see, I see," assented Mr. DIBBLE, nodding. "When he has you in his | |
head, my dear, he himself must clearly be out of it. You shall stay here | |
and take tea with me, and then I will take you to FRENCH'S Hotel for | |
your accommodation during the night." | |
It was a sight to see him tenderly help her off with her bonnet; and | |
suggestive to hear him say, that if a man could only take off his brains | |
as easily as a woman hers, what a relief it would be to him | |
occasionally. It was curious to see him peep into her bottle-filled | |
satchel, with an old man's freedom; and to hear him audibly wonder | |
thereat, whether, after all, men were any more addicted than women to | |
the social glass when they wanted to put a better face on affairs. And, | |
after the waiter bringing him toast and tea from a neighboring | |
restaurant had brought an additional slice and cup for the guest, it was | |
pleasant to behold him smiling across the office-table at that guest, | |
and encouraging her to eat as much as she would if a member of his sex | |
were not looking. | |
"It must be absurdly ridiculous to stay here all alone, as you do, sir," | |
observed FLORA. | |
"But I am not always alone," answered Mr. DIBBLE. "My clerk, Mr. | |
BLADAMS, now taking a vacation in the country, is generally here though, | |
to be sure, I may lose him before long. He's turned literary." | |
"How perfectly frightful!" said Miss POTTS. | |
"He has set up for a genius, my child, and is now engaged upon a great | |
American novel. Discontented with the law, he is giving great attention | |
to this; but Free Trade will not, I am afraid, allow any American | |
publisher to bring it out." | |
"Free Trade?" repeated FLORA. | |
"Yes, my dear, Free Trade; that is, while American publishers can steal | |
foreign novels for nothing, they are not going to pay anything for | |
native fiction." | |
Yawning behind her hand, the Flowerpot murmured something about Free | |
Trade being positively absurd, and her guardian went on: | |
"Nevertheless, Mr. BLADAMS is going on-with his work, which he calls | |
'The Amateur Detective;' and if it ever does come out you shall have a | |
copy.--But, by the by," added the lawyer, suddenly, "you have not yet | |
fully described to me the interview in which poor Mr. EDWIN'S uncle | |
offered to become your husband." | |
She gave him a full history of the Ritualistic organist's handsome offer | |
to her of his H. and H.; adding her own final decision in the matter as | |
precipitated by the possibility of a General European war; and Mr. | |
DIBBLE heard the whole with an air of studious attention. | |
"Although I have certainly no particular reason for befriending Mr. | |
BUMSTEAD," said he, reflectively, "I shall take measures to keep him | |
from you. Now come with me to FRENCH'S Hotel. To-morrow I will call | |
there for you, you know, and then, perhaps, you may be taken to see your | |
friend, Miss PENDRAGON." | |
Having obtained for his ward a room in the hotel named, and seen her | |
safely to its shelter, the good old lawyer visited the bar-room of the | |
establishment, for the purpose of ascertaining whether any evil-disposed | |
person could get in through that way for the disturbance of his fair | |
charge. After which he departed for his home in Gowanus. | |
(_To be Continued.) | |
* * * * * | |
MOTTO FOR ALL GOOD CUBANS.--"The labor we delight in physics (S)pain." | |
* * * * * | |
THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. | |
Punctually as announced, the FIFTH AVENUE THEATRE has re-opened. It has | |
been improved by the addition of several private boxes that remind one | |
of the square pews in old-fashioned churches, (by the way, why do | |
Puseyites object to pews?) and by the erection of a hydrant near the | |
conductor's seat, so that when the audience can endure STOEPEL'S music | |
no longer, they can turn on the water and drown him and his long-winded | |
orchestra. This latter improvement meets with our hearty approval, and | |
we earnestly hope to see it put to the excellent use for which it is | |
designed without further delay. Manager DALY is now offering to his | |
patrons the new comedy of _Man and Wife_. The old-fashioned play of that | |
name, which is daily acted everywhere about us, is usually more of a | |
tragedy than a comedy, but Mr. DALY'S _Man and Wife_ is comedy, farce, | |
muscular christianity, and paralysis pleasantly mingled together. As | |
thus: | |
ACT I.--GEOFFREY DELAMAYN _and his brother are seen conversing in an | |
arbor. (Don't let the printer imagine that I mean Ann Arbor. It was bad | |
enough in_ WILKIE COLLINS _to banish his dramatis personae to Scotland; | |
but he was nevertheless too humane to send them to Michigan_.) | |
JULIUS DELAMAYN. "GEOFFREY, you really must do something. The unmannerly | |
people who are just coming into the theatre make such a noise that I | |
couldn't be heard if I took the trouble to preach to you for an hour, so | |
I won't attempt to make my meaning any clearer." | |
GEOFFREY. "I will or I won't, I forget which. However, the audience | |
can't hear. We've got a pretty good house here to-night I wonder if my | |
muscles really show to any extent. Here comes LADY LUNDIE and her | |
friends." | |
LADY LUNDIE. "I choose everybody to play croquet on my side. The rest | |
may play on BLANCHE'S side. Miss SYLVESTER, you look as if you could not | |
stand alone. Therefore I order you to play." | |
ANNIE SYLVESTER. "Madame, I will. GEOFFREY, meet me here in ten minutes, | |
or you'll be sorry for it." (Exit everybody. ANNIE and GEOFFREY | |
returning on tip-toe.) | |
ANNIE. "You must marry me this afternoon. Meet me at the inn on the | |
moor." | |
GEOFFREY. "I won't cross the moor with you. DESDEMONA foolishly crossed | |
the Moor, and came to grief in consequence. I take warning by her. I | |
hate you, but I suppose I must marry you, or you'll sell all my letters | |
to the _Sun_."--(_They go out to be married_.) | |
ARNOLD _enters and makes love to_ BLANCHE. SIR PATRICK _does the comic | |
business with_ LEWIS'S _usual humor_. (_What a nice man_ LEWIS _must be | |
for girls to quarrel with; he "makes up" so nicely--this is a joke_.) | |
LADY LUNDIE _enters and announces that_ ANNIE _is no longer her | |
governess, that misguided person having thrown up her situation, for the | |
irrational reason that it was an interesting one, and having fled in the | |
silence of the after-dinner hour. Shrieks of horror from the young | |
ladies, who desist from knocking their croquet-balls into the orchestra | |
and the proscenium boxes; and triumphant falling of a new act-drop_. | |
STOEPEL, _having thought of a sweet passage for the fife, in a Chinese | |
opera, plays it uninterruptedly for forty-five minutes. A deaf old | |
gentleman approvingly remarks that this is really classical music_. | |
ACT II.--_A storm at the inn on the Moor_. Miss SYLVESTER _waits for | |
her_ GEOFFREY _and her tea. Enter_ ARNOLD. | |
ARNOLD. " GEOFFREY can't come, so he has sent me. I know your situation, | |
and shall have to feel for you if it gets much darker and they don't | |
bring candles. That is, if I'm to shake hands with you. I have told | |
everybody here that you are my wife. Let's have a little game of | |
seven-up, and pass the time profitably." | |
ANNIE. "Oh, villain (I mean GEOFFREY,) you have de-ser-er-erted me. Oh, | |
rash young person, (I mean you, ARNOLD,) I'm inclined to think that | |
you've married me by Scotch law, without having meant it. If so, you'll | |
have to go to America and see BEECHER about a divorce." (_Curtain | |
subsequently falls, and_ STOEPEL _orders the big drum to beat for an | |
hour, while the musicians take advantage of the noise to tune their | |
instruments.) Deaf old gentleman remarks again that he does like_ | |
WAGNER'S _music. Half the audience hold their ears, while the other half | |
flee madly away until the entr' acte is over_. | |
ACT III.--GEOFFREY _boxes with his trainer, and slings Indian clubs and | |
wooden dumb-bells_. | |
GEOFFREY. "There! Thank heaven I didn't break anything. The scenery, the | |
footlights, or a bloodvessel will get broken before the week is out, | |
however, if this prize-ring business isn't cut out. Here comes ARNOLD." | |
ARNOLD. "How's Miss SYLVESTER?" | |
GEOFFREY. "If you say anything more about her, I'll put a head on you. | |
She's your wife. You're a married man." | |
ARNOLD. "_Married_! You infamous editor of a two cent daily paper; I | |
deny it. (_Curtain again falls, and_ STOEPEL _plays the entire opera of_ | |
ERNANI _for two hours. Deaf old gentleman remarks that music is the_ | |
STOEPEL _entertainment at this theatre, and that he really likes it. The | |
rest of the audience look at him with horror, as though he were a sort | |
of aggravated and superfluous cannibal_.) | |
ACT IV.--_Sir_ PATRICK _proves that_ GEOFFREY _is married to_ ANNIE, | |
_and that_ ARNOLD _isn't_. GEOFFREY _takes his weeping wife home with | |
him. Everybody finds out that_ GEOFFREY _is an enormous liar and an | |
unmitigated blackguard. Through the open windows are seen the editors of | |
the Sun and the Free Press, each determined to be the first to offer_ | |
GEOFFREY _a place on the staff of his respective journal. The curtain | |
falls and_ STOEPEL _directs each member of the orchestra to play the | |
tune that he may like best. After three hours of this sort of thing a | |
humane person in the audience brings in a saw and begins to file it. The | |
rest of the audience are thereupon gently lulled to sleep by the music | |
of the file--so soft and soothing does it sound by contrast with_ | |
STOEPEL'S _demoniac orchestra._ | |
ACT V.--ANNIE, _in the midst of misery and a gorgeous silk dress with | |
lace trimmings, is seen going to bed in her best clothes, and without | |
taking her hair down--this being the well-known custom among fashionably | |
dressed girls_. GEOFFREY _enters and attempts to strangle her, but she | |
is awakened by the considerate forethought of a dumb woman, who loudly | |
calls her, and_ GEOFFREY _conveniently lies down and dies of paralysis. | |
All the rest of the dramatis personae enter, and indulge in exclamations | |
of joy. The curtain falls for the last time, and_ STOEPEL _is removed | |
under the protection of a strong platoon of policemen, to the secret | |
abode where_ DALY _keeps him hidden during the day from the wrath of an | |
outraged public_. | |
And the undersigned goes home to breakfast--it being now nearly 6 | |
A.M.--reflecting upon the beauty of the theatre, the neatness of the | |
scenery, the general ability of the actors, the capabilities of the | |
play, (after Mr. DALY shall have cut it down to a reasonable length,) | |
the pluck of the young manager, and the unredeemed badness of the | |
orchestra, as it is conducted by Mr. STOEPEL. Tell me, gentle DALY, | |
tell; why in the name of all that is intelligent, do you let STOEPEL | |
transform each _entr' acte_ at your theatre into a prolonged purgatory, | |
by the villainous way in which he plays the most execrable music, for | |
the most intolerable periods of time? | |
MATADOR. | |
* * * * * | |
L. N. IN PRUSSIA. | |
Yes, I am quite upset; | |
In fact, I'm dizzy yet | |
With all that rapid riding, day and night; | |
But still, two things I see; | |
They've made an end of Me, | |
And blown the Empire higher than a kite! | |
Yes, here I am, at last-- | |
And all my dreams are past. | |
didn't think to enter Prussia thus! | |
Confound that "Vorwarts" man! | |
When first the war began | |
He seemed as logy as an omnibus. | |
Faugh! smell the Sweitzer Kaise! | |
The same in every place, eh? | |
How these big Germans love an ugly stench! | |
My! what a taste they've got | |
For articles that rot; | |
And can it be, they live so near the French? | |
I'm in a pretty nest! | |
And, worse than all the rest, | |
Is thinking how I got here; there's the rub. | |
When I have mused awhile | |
On all my luck, so vile, | |
I almost wish they'd hit me with a club! | |
It's very well to say-- | |
"I might have won the day, | |
If things had only gone this way or that;" | |
I should have _made_ them go, | |
And let these Germans know | |
That _they_ must go, too! or be cut down flat. | |
They didn't go, it seems; | |
Except 'twas in my dreams! | |
And, consequently, I must bid good bye | |
To titles, power and state, | |
Which I enjoyed of late, | |
And curse my dismal fate--poor Louis and I! | |
* * * * * | |
THE PLYMOUTH ROCK. | |
The fact of his having relinquished (at the imperative demand of | |
society) his weekly visits to the watering places, need lead no one to | |
believe that Mr. PUNCHINELLO does not like a little fresh air. And | |
surely a half a day or so by the seaside need jeopardize no one's social | |
standing if the thing is not repeated too often. At least so thought Mr. | |
P., and he determined, one fine morning last week, that he would hurry | |
up his business as fast as possible, and take a trip on Col. FISK'S | |
steamboat to Sandy Hook. A man calling with a bundle of puns detained | |
him so long that he found that he would not be able to reach the 11 A.M. | |
boat without he made unusual haste. | |
Rushing into the street, therefore, he hailed a passing hack, and | |
ordered the driver to take him, as quickly as possible, to the Plymouth | |
Rock. | |
When the carriage stopped, and the man opened the door, Mr. P. rubbed | |
his eyes, for he had fallen into a doze, on the way, and sprang hastily | |
out. | |
But what a sight met his gaze! | |
Before him was the hack, covered with mud and dust, and the horses in a | |
position indicating utter exhaustion: to his right lay a huge | |
unsymmetrical stone, while behind him rolled the heaving waters of Cape | |
Cod bay! The man had mistaken his directions, and had driven him to JOHN | |
CARVER'S old Plymouth Rock in Massachusetts, instead of JAMES FISK Jr.'s | |
steamboat at Pier 28, North River. | |
"There's the rock, yer honor," said the man, pointing to the mis-shapen | |
stone, "and an awful time I've had a drivin' yer honor to it." | |
"How long have you been, coming here?" asked the astounded Mr. P. | |
"Nigh on to three days, yer honor, and I drove as fast as I could, | |
hopin' to get back by the Sunday in time for the Centhral Park, but I | |
had to stop sometimes for feed and wather, and it's no use me whippin' | |
up afther all, for sorra the good them horses will be for the Centhral | |
Park on the Sunday." | |
"And how much do I owe you for all this?" asked Mr. P. | |
"Well, sir," said the man, "I won't charge your honor nothin' for the | |
feed and my victuals, for I'd had to have found them if yer hadn't a | |
hired me; and I'll only charge ye three dollars a hour, for sure yer | |
honor never give me the least thruble, slapeing there as swate as an | |
infant all the time, and that'll be jist two hundred and four dollars, | |
and if yet honor could give me a thrifle besides to drink yer health, | |
I'd be obliged to yer honor." | |
Mr. P. gazed alternately at the man, the carriage, the horses, and the | |
rock, and then he paid the driver two hundred and four dollars and | |
twenty-five cents. The worthy Milesian pocketed the money and declared | |
his intention of proceeding to Boston, which was only about forty miles | |
away, and taking the railroad for New York | |
"If I don't, ye see, yer honor, I'll never get back in time for the | |
Sunday; and the horses will be restin' in the cars." | |
As the man made his preparations and departed, Mr. P. stood and watched | |
him until he slowly faded out of sight. | |
When he had entirely disappeared, Mr. P. sat down upon the rock and | |
reflected. Now that he was here, what had he best do? He had never seen | |
the rock before, and as it struck him that possibly some of his patrons | |
might be in the same unfortunate condition, he concluded that he would | |
take a few sketches of it for their benefit. But he did not succeed very | |
well. The first drawing he made had a strange appearance. It looked more | |
like an old woman tied to a post, and surrounded by what seemed to be | |
flames, than anything else. This surely was not a correct view of this | |
famous rock, and so Mr. P. commenced another sketch. This, however, | |
looked so much like a man with a broad-brimmed hat, hanging by his neck | |
to a rope, that he concluded to try again. | |
His next sketch bore a striking resemblance to something that certainly | |
did not seem like a rock, but which, after some deliberation, he found | |
to look very much like a shrinking Southern <DW64>, forced into the ranks | |
to supply the place of a citizen of Massachusetts. Everybody might not | |
be able to see this, but Mr. P. thought he perceived it plainly. | |
The last sketch made by Mr. P. somewhat resembled one whose connection | |
with "The Plymouth Rock" has certainly been of more practical benefit to | |
the public than that of any of the " old founders," or anybody else--at | |
least so far as Mr. P. can see. If any one doubts this, let him ask | |
General GRANT. | |
Now should his readers see anything at all suggestive of sober and | |
beneficial reflection in these sketches, Mr. P.'s visit to Plymouth Rock | |
was not made in vain. | |
* * * * * | |
A LETTER FROM L. N. | |
DEAR PUNCHINELLO: The Empire is Peace, as usual. If, some time hence, it | |
should be discovered to have been otherwise, at the time of writing this | |
letter, you will please understand that I wasn't there, at that moment, | |
having had a little business to transact with my good friend WILLIAMS, | |
of PRUSSIA. I am at present engaged upon a tour of the German States in | |
the company of a pleasant little excursion party, who met me at Sedan, | |
and received me warmly. | |
Everybody seems glad to greet me, particularly at this time, and all | |
express regrets that I couldn't have come earlier in the season. They | |
are aware of the interest I have ever felt in the great German people, | |
and I am assured they welcome with enthusiasm my pet theory of the | |
solidarity of nations. | |
I intend remaining here awhile, feeling sure that there is nothing to | |
call me homeward for the present. The truth is, my friend, I am getting | |
weaned of the French people. So soon as my obligations to my very good | |
friends in Prussia will permit, you may look for me in New York. Yes, | |
dear PUNCHINELLO, greatest and beet of Philosophers! expect to see me | |
walking into your Sanctum one of these fine mornings,--probably with my | |
son LOUIS,--delighted to see you, and glad to turn my back on those | |
scenes so long familiar, which, in their new and popular dress, could | |
hardly be expected to afford me much exhilaration. | |
From an inferior man, I should expect officious and quite gratuitous | |
commiseration over the fate of the late Empire. You, however, will | |
readily perceive it to be possible that I should rather be | |
congratulated. You would not exchange your dignified leisure, your | |
careless toils, for the best of sovereignties. Why, then, should I, who | |
have made you my exemplar, feel a pang at parting with a sceptre which | |
for years has only tired my hand? | |
I picture myself seated with my family on the heights at Weehawken, | |
smoking a good cigarette, and musing on the affairs of nations as I | |
watch the flow of that superb river (as much finer than the Rhine, my | |
friend, as wine is finer than lagerbier!) which I have often, in days | |
gone by, admired and extolled by the hour. | |
I expect they will pleasantly call me Duke Hudson, and my son the Prince | |
of Staten Island. No matter. I can always face the Inevitable. | |
And that reminds me of the late war, in which the Inevitable that I was | |
always being called upon to face, was the Inevitable Prussian. But I | |
have faced much more terrible things. In your very city of Hoboken, I | |
have stood face to face with a German creditor! Will any one henceforth | |
doubt my fortitude? | |
I have one rather comforting reflection, apropos to that _rencontre._ I | |
have taken care to arm myself against future assaults of that nature. I | |
am Gold-Plated. | |
If your highly-gifted corps of artists should wish to depict me in a | |
connection which would satisfy my sense of honor, let them make a sketch | |
entitled: "The Two Exiles,"--one of whom may be,my Uncle at St. Helena; | |
the other, me, at Weehawken, with my family near, a glass of wine at my | |
side, a cigarette in one hand, and a copy of PUNCHINELLO in the other! | |
But let me not anticipate. Sufficient unto the day is the (d)evil | |
thereof. | |
Royally yours, | |
L. N. | |
* * * * * | |
Maxim for the next new President. | |
"A place for everybody, and everybody in his place." | |
* * * * * | |
[Illustration: ON COLOR. | |
_Cousin Bella, (admiring picture.)_ "HOW IS IT, FRED, THAT YOU PRODUCE | |
SUCH LOVELY COLOR, AND WITH SO MUCH FACILITY?" | |
_Fred, (thinking of his meerschaum.)_ "I DON'T TELL EVERYBODY THAT, YOU | |
INQUISITIVE TEASE, BUT FACT IS, I PUT THE STUMP OF AN OLD PAINT-BRUSH IN | |
THE BOWL, AND SMOKE THE OILIEST TOBACCO I CAN FIND."] | |
* * * * * | |
THE BATTLE AT SEDAN. | |
Special Correspondence of Punchinello. | |
(This paper is the only paper on the planet which has a correspondent at | |
the seat of war, wherever that seat may be. The following dispatch was | |
sent to us by cable at a total expense of $21,000.) | |
It was a still, calm night, the glorious moon was sailing through the | |
sky; the river was running water; the clouds were cloudy; the soldiers | |
were soldiering. I stepped out of my tent and tumbled over VON MOLTKE. | |
He took my arm and invited me to the tent of the Crown Prince. | |
"MOLTY," said I, "what's your little game?" | |
"Penny ante," replied he. | |
"_Tres bien,_" added I. | |
"You are a French spy. Ha! ha!" said he, grasping my collar. "Ho! Ho!" | |
"_Das ish goot,_" added I. | |
"Then you're Dutch," sighed he, dropping me like a hot pair of tongs. | |
In the tent we found the King, the Crown Prince, Gen. STEINMETZ, Gen. | |
SHERIDAN, and Gen. FORSYTH. | |
"MOLTY," said I, "introduce me to the King." | |
"BILL," said he, "this is JENKINS." | |
BILL held out his foot and I took a suck at his great toe. | |
Then we went at the game. BILL is pretty good at it, but then he doesn't | |
stand any chance beside MOLTY. The Crown Prince lost at least fourteen | |
cents, and, just as he had a splendid opportunity to retrieve his | |
losses, in came an aide, who announced that the French had squatted. | |
"Where?" cried VON MOLTKE. | |
"In Sedan," replied the aide. | |
"I knew it," said MOLTY. "BILL, I told you they had no horses for a | |
regular carriage." | |
Then we went out. The King invited me to sit in his carriage with MOLTY | |
and SHERIDAN. We reached the scene of war. | |
The moon shone; the mountains were mountainous; the trees were treey; | |
and the soft September breeze was breezy. BISMARCK came up and asked the | |
King to let him cut behind. | |
"BIS," said I, "take my seat; I'll take a trip to the French camp." | |
So I tripped over to the French camp and found things somewhat mixed. | |
The moon shone. Steadily the Prussian troops advanced; and, with a | |
heroism worthy of a better cause, the French retreated. The Emperor | |
wanted to die in the rear of his men. | |
"NAP," said I, "you'd better get up and get. The Prussians are coming." | |
"JENKINS," said he, "kiss me for my mother, I'm betrayed." | |
"Why didn't you have more cheesepots?" said I. | |
"I'll surrender," said he, "get out a white flag." | |
So I took one of EUGENIE'S old pocket-handkerchiefs which I found in the | |
tent, stuck it on the end of the sabre of the nephew of his uncle, put | |
NAP in the carriage, jumped in myself and drove to the Prussian camp. | |
The moon shone; all nature smiled; the rivers were rivery; the Sedans | |
were chairy. | |
BILL received us very coolly at first, but I gave BIS the wink, and he | |
suggested to his Majesty that he'd better take the Emperor prisoner. | |
"NAP," said BILL, "is the game up?" | |
"BILL," said NAP, "you've scored the game. I leave my old clothes to the | |
Regent. I hope she'll like the breeches." | |
Then he treated to cigarettes, and we all went back to our game of penny | |
ante. NAP wouldn't join us. He said he'd just been playing a game with | |
crowns ante and he was busted. We'd hardly got the cards dealt, when | |
BILL turned to BISMARCK and asked, "I say, BIS, won't you run over and | |
telegraph to the old woman something about our FRITZ?" | |
"Let JENKINS go," said BIS. | |
Of course I assented to the proposition. | |
"Where the devil is FRITZ?" said BILL. | |
"Oh, he's been sleeping for the last two hours," said MOLTKE. | |
"Never mind," said BILL, "telegraph a victory by FRITZ." | |
So I telegraphed, | |
"A great victory has been won by our FRITZ. What great things have we | |
done for ourselves! We'll keep it up, old woman, | |
(Signed) BILL." | |
When I reached the tent everybody was asleep. NAP was reclining | |
gracefully on the breast of BISMARCK, as affectionately as if they were | |
brothers-in-law. The moon shone; the sky was skyey; the hills were | |
hilly; and all nature was getting up. | |
Anybody who says the above did not come over the cable lies, wickedly, | |
maliciously lies, with intent to deceive. As soon as JACK SMITH'S smack | |
sails, I'll send you a piece of the cable it came over. | |
* * * * * | |
[Illustration: Mr. Bull: The Sutler of the World] | |
* * * * * | |
HIRAM GREEN TO KONIG WILHELM | |
He Reviews the Career of a Lunatic. -- A Graduate with Nice Ideas. | |
KING WILYAM, Most noble Loonatic: | |
_We gates all der while!_ Accordin' to the Marine Cable, I understand | |
you've given old BONEY a _slosh on der cope mit der Sweitzer case;_ or | |
in good plain United States talk, LEWIS NAPOLEON has taken his Umpire, | |
and shoved it up the spout, without the benefit of Judge or Jewry. | |
I kinder had an idee that when the now busted up rooler of the Umpire | |
tackled you, that it would have been a ten dollar greenback in his | |
panterloons pocket if he had let the contract out on shares to his | |
nabors. | |
I've allers heard say that as able-bodied a Loonatic as the French say | |
you be, could handle any 3 ordinary men, "Be be Jost or Gobler damed," | |
to cote from our friend BILLY SHAKESPEER. | |
We have had evidences here, of the superiority of Loonatics, mor'en | |
once. | |
If a man can prove that his upper story is crackt, he can wallop his | |
wife to his heart's content; and if anybody interferes, he can popp him | |
off with a six shooter, and the law will stand to his back. | |
Judges and Jewrys, when tryin' such a man, think he is sum punkins, | |
while all the illustrated papers stick the celebrated Loonatic's | |
fotograf onto their first page. | |
I would like to ask you, if your insanity is of the melon-colic, (this | |
bein' the season when melons is ripe,) or is it of the _pro temper_ | |
kind? | |
I shoulden't wonder, between you and I, but that you inherited it from | |
your illustrous Antsister, FREDERICK the Grate, who was about as sassy a | |
Loonatic as you can pick up. | |
What _we_ need just now, and what _we_ have needed for a good while, is | |
a able-bodied Loonatic to send to England as minister. | |
With such a crazy Statesman as you be, them 'ere little Alabarmy claims | |
would have been squared up long ago, or else, if this court knows | |
herself intimately, the British lion would have been sent off howlin', | |
with a tin kittle tide to his cordil appendage. | |
You probly observe, I go heavy on Loonatics. Yes, sir! they are the | |
"Coming man," the 16th Commandment; or Chinese Coolers can't hold a | |
candle to 'em. | |
When a man ups and does something nobody else can do, if they'd bust | |
their biler tryin', then he is sot down as bein' crazy as a loon by his | |
jelous nabors. | |
I haven't heard whether BISMARK'S or FRITZ'S upper storys were shaky, or | |
not, but there haint the shadder of a dowt in my mind, but what both of | |
these long headed chaps are madder than GEO. FRANCIS TRAIN any day; and | |
that the Crown Prints employs his spare time strikin' tragic attitoods, | |
and repeatin' the follerin well known verses: | |
"I am not mad! | |
I am not mad! | |
But only on my mussle. | |
Old NAP'd been glad | |
If he and King dad | |
Had never got into a tussle." | |
My object in riting to you, great Conkeror of the man whose son was so | |
_bully_ at pickin' up _bullocks,_ is to congratulate you. | |
Speakin' after the manner of men, You are an old Cinnamon bud. Havin' | |
served my country for 4 years as Gustise of the Peece, you can rely on | |
my giving a good sound opinion, from which there haint no repeal to a | |
higher court. | |
What do you think of my startin' a college here for the purpus of | |
edicatin' Loonatics? | |
We've got 3 colliges here, Harvard, 'Ale, and the Electoral College, and | |
a skalier lot of week-kneed timber than these institutions sometimes | |
turns out, would make you stick to your stomack to look at. | |
Stugents are turned out from these asilums with pooty ristocratick idees | |
into their nozzles. | |
I once knew a chap who was a gradooate of one of these institutions of | |
larning, | |
He was more ristocratick than a retired church deekin'. | |
When his wife died, he wanted her to look respectable at the funeral, so | |
he sent to one of his nabors to borrer a silk dress for the corpse to | |
wear, doorin' the funeral services. | |
Thinks I, that was shovin' a good thing rather too deep in the ground, | |
merely for the sake of pilin' on the agony. | |
However, that's the way of the world; larnin' will stick out, and you | |
can't atop her. | |
That son of your'n, FRITZ, is smarter than a 2 year old heifer. | |
If he haint in that precarious situation which SARY F. NORTON calls | |
"mummery," and the Onida Community says Amen! to, but which good honest | |
folks, like you and I, calls married, then I would say that he mite go | |
further and fare a site wusser, than to come over here and examine my | |
stock of risin' feminine genders. | |
Mrs. GREEN, the mother of my dorters, is a woman who understands her biz | |
as housekeeper, and anybody who gits one of her gals won't be troubled | |
to death by keepin' a cook to boss 'em around. | |
Doorin' the prosperous days of Skeensboro, when I was baskin' in the | |
sunshine of offishal life, and had a politikle ax to grind, MARIAR'S | |
biled dinners used to fetch Polerticians to their milk, ekal to the way | |
a big dinner at DELMONICO'S, N.Y., will flop over a New York Alderman. | |
The surest way of gettin' round a public man, is via his stomack. | |
Like ALADIN'S lamp, you can | |
By merely givin' a rub, | |
Bring around most any man, | |
By fillin' him up with grub. | |
But, most noble cuss of the Realm, I must lay aside my goose quil, and | |
go and do the family chores. But afore I close this letter let me speak | |
a word for your noble prisoner, L. NAPOLEON, Esq. | |
Deal gently with him. | |
Altho' he plade the wrong card when he pitched into you, recollect the | |
old maxum: | |
"Never bute a feller when he is down." | |
France is better, in a good many respects, for things LEWIS done for | |
'em. | |
But he has gone to the shades, and SHAKSPEER aptly says: | |
"The evil which men do, | |
Lives a darn site longer than | |
The evil they don't do." | |
Which sentiment shode that old SHAKE was a hulsail dealer in human | |
nater. | |
Hopin' that in the days of your prosperity, you wont forgit your poor | |
relations, sich as _mothers-in-law_ and the like, and when they come to | |
visit you, you wont say: | |
"Nix cum arous," | |
I will dry up. | |
Ewers anon, | |
HIRAM GREEN, Esq., | |
_Lait Gustise of the Peece_ | |
* * * * * | |
THE LOVERS. | |
In Different Moods and Tenses. | |
SALLY SALTER, she was a young teacher, who taught, | |
And her friend, CHARLEY CHURCH, was a preacher, who praught; | |
Though his enemies called him a screecher, who scraught. | |
His heart, when he saw her, kept sinking, and sunk, | |
And his eye, meeting hers, began winking, and wunk; | |
While she, in her turn, fell to thinking, and thunk. | |
He hastened to woo her, and sweetly he wooed, | |
For his love grew until to a mountain it grewed, | |
And what he was longing to do, then he doed. | |
In secret he wanted to speak, and he spoke, | |
To seek with his lips what his heart long had soke; | |
So he managed to let the truth leak, and it loke. | |
He asked her to ride to the church, and they rode; | |
They so sweetly did glide, that they both thought they glode, | |
And they came to the place to be tied, and were tode. | |
Then homeward he said let us drive, and they drove, | |
And soon as they wished to arrive, they arrove; | |
For whatever he couldn't contrive, she controve. | |
The kiss he was dying to steal, then he stole, | |
At the feet where he wanted to kneel, there he knole, | |
And he said, " I feel better than ever I fole." | |
So they to each other kept clinging, and clung, | |
While Time his swift circuit was winging, and wung; | |
And this was the thing he was bringing, and brung. | |
The man SALLY wanted to catch, and had caught-- | |
That she wanted from others to snatch, and had snaught-- | |
Was the one that she now liked to scratch, and she scraught | |
And CHARLEY'S warm love began freezing, and froze, | |
While he took to teasing, and cruelly toze | |
The girl he had wished to be squeezing, and squoze. | |
"Wretch!" he cried when she threatened to leave him, and left, | |
"How could you deceive me, as you have deceft?" | |
And she answered, "I promised to cleave, and I've cleft!" | |
AMOS KEETER | |
* * * * * | |
[Illustration: A PRETTY IDEA OF MR. VAN LITTLEDRAM: HE TAKES HIS | |
YOUNGSTER OUT FOR A SAIL, THUS, AND SAVES THE EXPENSE OF A BOAT.] | |
* * * * * | |
THE POEMS OF THE CRADLE. | |
CANTO VII. | |
Tom, Tom the Pipers' son, | |
Stole a Pig, and away he run; | |
The Pig was eat, and TOM was beat. | |
And TOM went roaring down the street. | |
The above verse immortalizes an event that caused great excitement in | |
the period in which it occurred, although at the present date it would | |
not be considered of much account, or cause the smallest ripple on the | |
glassy calm of our most, sleepy village. | |
We have progressed beyond being stirred by any little peccadillo such as | |
the theft of a pig or a sheep, or even a watch or a purse, unless it | |
contains a large amount, and was taken under the most aggravating | |
circumstances from ourselves. | |
A robbery of a bank of a million, when it happens to affect hundreds of | |
people, or a midnight murder executed with the malignancy of a fiend, | |
will sometimes stir up the public for a few days, but even that soon | |
passes out of mind, and society settles back into its imperturbable | |
apathy, retreating with each wave of excitement still further, and | |
becoming by degrees proof against being stirred by anything that does | |
not affect ourselves personally. | |
Not so, however, in those days of Arcadian simplicity; for the | |
astounding temerity of the Piper's son, in laying felonious hands on the | |
property of the village butcher, or baker, caused an excitement second | |
only to a hanging, or a first-class sensational horror, of later days. | |
Poor TOM was a deal to be pitied as well as blamed; for although he was | |
the one who committed the crime, he was not the only one who reaped a | |
benefit therefrom. But the traditional historian tells us, he was the | |
only one who was punished therefor; so, while we blame him, let us shed | |
a tear of sympathy because he alone got the beating, the others the | |
eating. The scene is graphically described thusly-- | |
"Tom, Tom the Piper's son, | |
Stole a pig, and away he run." | |
Here we see Tom, the good-for-nothing, standing idly around, listening | |
to the witching strains of his father's bagpipe, played by the | |
industrious musician before the doors of the well-to-do villagers, with | |
the laudable view of obtaining the wherewith to purchase the meat that | |
both might eat; and while the instrument that has well served its day | |
and generation is groaning and wheezing under the pressure brought to | |
bear upon it, TOM'S eyes, roving around from window to door, happen to | |
light on a beautiful sucking-pig, that reposes in all the innocent | |
beauty of baby pighood before the open door of a zealous stickler for | |
human rights. | |
Alas! TOM is not acquainted with the gentlemanly owner of the | |
fascinating pig, and he doesn't know how strong his principles are, nor | |
how far he will go to maintain them. | |
He gazes enraptured upon the dainty porker, and as he looks, the desire | |
to own just such a one grows upon him, and soon it becomes a | |
determination to own that identical one, for never another could equal | |
that. He looks stealthily around and finds the eyes of all are fixed | |
upon the musician and his bagpipe. No one notices him, and hailing it as | |
a happy omen, he pounces upon the coveted quadruped, grasps it tightly | |
in his hands, and skedaddles. | |
The music is ended and the crowd disperses. The absence of piggy is | |
unnoticed till the red-headed urchin whose playmate it is looks around | |
for the loved companion, of his childish sports, and finds it not. Great | |
research, amid loud outcries, is made, resulting only in the conviction | |
that the pet of the family is gone, leaving no trace behind. | |
TOM, with his prize, exultingly hurries homeward, his heart swelling | |
with joy at his luck. Like a dutiful son, he rushes to the arms of his | |
maternal parent and deposits in her capacious lap the dainty prize. | |
Visions of a luscious supper float through the mind of the female | |
piperess, as she bestows her motherly benediction upon her thoughtful | |
son, and proceeds to put into execution the well-conned lesson of | |
cooking a sucking pig. | |
Having accomplished the "First get your pig" part, the rest comes easy; | |
and at night, when the old Piper returns, his olfactories are sainted | |
with an odor that startles him from his generally despondent mood, and | |
awakens his curiosity as to the cause of such an unusual flavor from his | |
usually flavorless abode. He enters and finds a smiling wife and son, | |
with a smoking pig awaiting his coming. "What next occurred the Poet | |
tells us in the laconic words | |
"The pig was eat." | |
There was no necessity for describing the way of eating; the fact was | |
enough. But alas! there is always a dark side to everything, and this | |
happy family were no exception, The bones were left. They couldn't eat | |
them, and they didn't own a dog; so they picked them clean and threw | |
them away. But, "Murder will out," and the tiny bones told their own | |
tale. The village detective soon coupled the feet of the missing pig | |
with the unusual occurrence of a heap of bones before the door of the | |
musician's abode, and by a process of reasoning unknown to the | |
detectives of the present day, decided that those bones were a pig's | |
bones--a stolen pig's bones, from the fact that the Piper did not earn | |
enough to indulge in such luxuries as sucking-pigs. Now who stole the | |
sucking-pig? | |
Clearly not Madame Piper, for she was too fat and heavy to have any | |
light-fingered proclivities. | |
Clearly not the Piper himself, for he was playing his bagpipe and could | |
prove an alibi. | |
There was no one left but TOM. Circumstances pointed him out: he loved | |
good eating and hated work, and had been noticed gazing upon the charms | |
of the missing family pet. It was settled, then. TOM was the thief, and | |
the offender must be punished. But how? Law was too uncertain and | |
expensive, TOM was too poor to pay for the pig, so it was resolved to | |
take the worth of it out of him by beating. The poet tells us | |
"TOM was beat." | |
Undoubtedly TOM was glad when they got through, and although he | |
"Went roaring down the street," | |
it was a matter of rejoicing with him that he had saved his bacon. It | |
was impossible to get that out through his hide, and they had no stomach | |
pumps in those days. | |
* * * * * | |
Scene.--A. City Restaurant. | |
_Waiter, (to customer, who is winding up his repast_.) "Anything more, | |
sir?" | |
_Customer_. "H'm--well--yes; bring me an omelette souffle." | |
_Waiter_. "Omelet Shoo-fly, sir? Yessir." | |
(_Exit, humming the popular tune_.) | |
* * * * * | |
Unintentionally Appropriate. | |
The Sun tells a very large story of its own circulation, and then | |
innocently requests the "False Reporting" _Tribune_ to copy it! | |
* * * * * | |
BY GEORGE! | |
(_Continued_.) | |
LAKE GEORGE, Sept 5. | |
DEAR PUNCHINELLO:--In my last I promised to finish my trip on the Lake | |
and give you some reliable rumors about the "Rogers' Slide." | |
I am prepared to do this to-day, in a happy and congratulatory frame of | |
mind. | |
I have had breakfast this morning. | |
When I say this I mean that I have had this morning's breakfast this | |
morning. | |
Any one who has achieved so remarkable a success, at this place, can | |
safely plume himself on his patience and physical endurance. | |
For instance, this morning, for the first time, I ordered broiled Spring | |
Chicken. | |
The waiter gave me a disconsolate look and proceeded to gird up his | |
loins with a base ball belt. | |
In a few moments he dashed past the window in hot pursuit of a fowl of | |
venerable appearance, but of a style of going that would have put to | |
shame any ostrich that Dr. LIVINGSTONE ever saw. | |
I asked the head waiter if he called that a _Spring Chicken_? | |
He said he guessed that chicken could out-Spring any chicken in the | |
place. | |
This clears up another great hotel mystery. | |
The man outflanked this gentle birdling on the eighth time round, in | |
6.23, which is considered very good indeed, and beats the time of the | |
late Harvard and Yale "Foul" considerably. | |
I say "outflanked," because it is not the intention of these sunny | |
Amendments to put an end to these feathery Dexters immediately, but to | |
drive them into the ten-pin alley, where they are leisurely bowled to an | |
untimely end. As, however, pony balls are generally used, and there are | |
always half a dozen <DW54>s standing around ready to bet that the | |
chicken won't be killed in forty balls, or sixty, as the case may be, | |
this part of the process is rather tedious to the guest | |
Sometimes, when the chicken is not very active, there are not more than | |
nine or ten-pin feathers left. | |
Well, the next place the boat stopped at is called "Sabbath Day Point," | |
in consequence of ABERCROMBIE having landed there on a Wednesday | |
morning. | |
Its name will therefore be considered a joke by such as see the Point. | |
A gentleman on board informed me that the water was so clear at this | |
place that one could "see objects when thirty feet from the bottom." | |
I have thought and thought over this remark, but am unable to see what | |
one's distance from the bottom has to do with his "seeing objects." | |
I give it up. | |
On the opposite side of the Lake is a hill called "Sugar Loaf | |
Mountain"--because it is a sweet place for loafers, I suppose. | |
Finally we passed "Rogers' Slide," which is a rocky precipice three | |
hundred feet high, sloping nearly perpendicularly into the water. A | |
decidedly unpleasant-looking place for cellar-door practice. | |
There are a great many romantic traditions about this same ROGERS, who | |
is regarded by the simple natives as having been an altogether | |
high-minded and gorgeous character--the fact being that he was one of | |
those unmitigated old scamps who owe to the accident of having lived in | |
Revolutionary times, the distinction of being held up to the emulation | |
of primary schools as a "Patriot Hero." Literally he was simply an | |
"unmixed evil," fighting only to steal something, and devoting what time | |
and talent he could spare from his legitimate profession--which was | |
_seven-up_--to generally bedevilling and encroaching upon the | |
neighboring Indians. | |
As an enchroachist he was immense. | |
The noble red-skins alluded to finally concluded that enough was enough, | |
and appointed a Special Commission to put a permanent end to the | |
delicate attentions of the "Marked Back." | |
This _sobriquet_ they conferred upon him partly on account of the fact | |
that he usually received his wounds while leaving their immediate | |
vicinity, and partly because of a peculiar characteristic of the kind of | |
cards he used. | |
The Commissioners caught ROGERS out hunting, and chased him until he | |
came to this precipice, down which he slid into the Lake below, and, | |
unfortunately, escaped unharmed. | |
The Indians, who were pursuing him by the imprints of his snow-shoes, | |
soon arrived at the brink. Seeing what had occurred, they concluded to | |
"let him slide." | |
Hence the name. | |
Evidently they thought, from the trail, that he must have gone over. | |
Though he was by no means a missionary, the Tracks he had left produced | |
a profound impression on their untutored minds. | |
They at once concluded that he was drowned, or had got "in with" some | |
bad spirits. | |
It is obvious, however, to the most casual observer of the place, that | |
the reverse must have been the case. The bad spirits were in him. | |
The mark worn by Mr. R's "cheviots" in his descent can still be | |
distinctly seen. | |
About half way up is a shining object which is generally believed to be | |
a suspender button. | |
This, however, is merely conjectural. | |
The clerk of the boat, of whom I have spoken before, tells me that until | |
within a few years back, the hole in the water where ROGERS struck could | |
be seen. | |
"But it is all gone now," he said, shaking his head sadly. "Nothing can | |
escape the Vandal horde of tourists and relic hunters. Piece by piece | |
they have carried the hole away, and there is no trace of it left now." | |
And he "wept at my tranquillity." | |
At the north end of the Lake we took stages for Fort Ticonderoga. These | |
vehicles were run by a man who was pointed out as a "character," which | |
means a sort of licensed nuisance. | |
The monomania of this individual was speech making, and much reflection | |
inclines me to the belief that he is some unappreciated politician who | |
has invented a way of "taking it out" on the unhappy public as follows: | |
He waits until his five immense stages arrive at some remote and | |
solitary part of the road, then draws them up in a semi-circle, mounts a | |
stump, and--on pretence of exhibiting the beauties of nature--proceeds | |
to harangue the helpless fares to the top of his very high bent, or | |
until one of the slumbering "outsides" creates a welcome diversion by | |
falling off and breaking his neck. | |
We came to what was really a curiosity--two kinds of trees growing from | |
one trunk, which this concentration of bores, this _mitrailleuse_, in | |
fact, improved accordingly. | |
"Here, Ladies and Gentlemen, you per-ceive one of the _re_-markable and | |
_pe_-culiar works of a benign _Per_-rovidence. On the right you see the | |
sturdy and iron-hearted oak, while on the left you behold the modest and | |
_be_-utiful ellum. What Having has joined together let no man put | |
asunder--gerlang with yer hosses!" | |
It must have been a Sunday-school Superintendent who invented excursions | |
to Fort Ty. | |
It is not a place to Tye to. | |
One old gentleman pointed to an underground hole and advised me to go | |
and look at the magazine. | |
I went; but it is hardly necessary to say that I didn't find any, and, | |
on the whole, I was glad of it If people don't know any more than to | |
leave their _Galaxys_ and _Harper's_ lying around loose when travelling, | |
why, they deserve to have them stolen, that's all. | |
I was sorry for the old gentleman, but if there is anything that | |
disgusts me, it is to meet people that ain't posted about things. | |
As the steamer neared the Hotel, on our return, the departing sun was | |
flinging back his last good-night smile on the lovely scene below, and | |
the musical chime of the little church at Caldwell came stealing sweetly | |
over the bosom of the placid Lake. As its fairy-like sounds reached our | |
ears, a melancholy-looking man with long hair, who sat near, started, | |
smiled, and turning to me, said: | |
"Did I ever tell you that story about SLUKER?" | |
As I had never seen the party before, I replied that if he had I had | |
forgotten it. | |
"SLUKER," he repeated, gazing absently at the distant spire; "SLUKER," | |
he reiterated, rubbing his nose abstractedly with the handle of his | |
umbrella; "SLUKER," he continued-- | |
--in my next, my dear PUNCHINELLO, in my next. | |
SAGINAW DODD. | |
[_To be continued_.] | |
* * * * * | |
Sauce | |
There can be no doubt that Grevy is in the right place, as a member of | |
the Provisional government of France. | |
* * * * * | |
[Illustration: _Old Gent_. "Don't scatter water on my feet, man,--do you | |
suppose I want 'em to grow any bigger?"] | |
* * * * * | |
EDUCATION FOR DETECTIVES. | |
Although our Metropolitan Detectives have hitherto failed to solve the | |
mystery in which certain atrocious murders remain shrouded, yet it would | |
be simply captious to impeach them, on that account, for lack of | |
sagacity, zeal, courage, or any of the numerous other qualities that go | |
to the making up of an efficient "Hawkshaw." | |
That they are not deficient in zeal, at least, is manifest from a | |
circumstance which took place a short time since. Counterfeiting had | |
been carried on to a great extent in the city. The rashness of | |
counterfeiters is proverbial, and they usually carry on their operations | |
immediately under the nasal protuberance of the law. Nevertheless, in | |
the case under notice, some vigilant detective, with a nose as sharp as | |
that of a Spitz-dog, obtained a clue to the arrangements of the | |
counterfeiters. Having informed some of his associates, a concerted | |
descent was made by the party upon a house in one of the lower streets | |
of the city. A portion of the house is, and has been for years past, | |
occupied by several artists connected with the illustrated press. Few | |
gentlemen are better known in large circles than these artists, none | |
more highly appreciated by hosts of friends. But duty is duty--often | |
stern, but never to be shirked; and so the faithful detectives inserted | |
their Spitz-dog noses between the joints of the artists' doors, and, | |
having smelt a very large rat, suddenly burst in upon these graphic | |
malefactors, and caught them in the act, with all the tools and | |
paraphernalia of their nefarious occupation scattered about their vile | |
den. | |
Most of them were engaged in executing drawings upon blocks of wood, | |
although it is probable that some of them were smoking pipes--tobacco | |
being vastly conducive to that concentration of thought by which alone | |
great mental efforts can be followed by equivalent results. Short work | |
was made by the sagacious detectives, when they saw the graphic | |
malefactors engaged in their diabolical toil. Some of the officers | |
seized the implements of the gang, while others collared the | |
delinquents, and marched them through the streets to the nearest police | |
station, where they were thrust into a dungeon and locked up for the | |
night. | |
Next morning, on being taken before a magistrate, the prisoners were | |
discharged, on the grounds that the affair was a mistake--or a joke--we | |
are not exactly informed which; but the parties chiefly interested do | |
not look upon it as a joke. | |
Now it is a very clear case that the mistake in question--or joke--may | |
be traced to a deficiency of education on the part of these vigilant and | |
zealous detectives. Had they been properly cultivated in the various | |
branches of art, the slight blunder to which we refer could not have | |
occurred. The Spitz-dog noses, instead of smelling Rat, would have smelt | |
its anagram, Art. Its influence would at once have been acknowledged by | |
them, and they would have backed out from the August Presence with | |
obsequious genuflexions. It becomes a question of moment, then, whether | |
a course of lectures upon art should not henceforth be considered an | |
indispensable branch of the education of our excellent detectives. We | |
would not limit the proposed extension of their education, however, to | |
the study of art, alone. Botany should be insisted on as a necessary | |
accession to the stock of the detectives' learning; and especially would | |
we have them instructed in a full knowledge of the leguminous | |
vegetables--such as beans. | |
* * * * * | |
Temporary Obscuration of the "Hub." | |
Boston already has the biggest church- organ in all Creation. She also | |
has the most public Public Garden of modern times. Last year she had the | |
loudest Musical Jubilee ever organized, and it is further to be noted | |
that she is the proud possessor of the most uncommon of Commons. Early | |
in October, however, all these cherished immensities of Boston must fall | |
into insignificance and "feel small." On the second day of that month, | |
Colonel FISK is to make his triumphant entry into Boston, at the head of | |
the gallant Ninth. Organ, Jubilee, Public Garden, Big Drum, Common--all, | |
all of these will then have to subside and fade away into thin air | |
before the stately presence of the Prince of Erie and his valiant | |
command. | |
* * * * * | |
Boy and Man. | |
"Miss ANNIE P. LADD, of Augusta, Me., has been appointed by the governor | |
and confirmed by the council as a justice of the peace." | |
To be a man and magistrate | |
'Twas natural that ANNIE sighed, | |
Since she one phase of man's estate | |
Already as a LADD had tried. | |
* * * * * | |
A Nut for the Ladies' Club. | |
Referring to the recent ladies' boat race at Harlem, a reporter says | |
that "the girls all rowed badly." This is a discouraging comment on the | |
frantic efforts now making by women to assume man's attributes, (not to | |
mention his other "butes" and the what-d'ye-call-'ems generally | |
associated with them,) and it is a very significant fact that the | |
comment can be tersely clinched by the words So rows Sis. | |
* * * * * | |
NEW PUBLICATIONS. | |
Among the numerous portraits of the late CHARLES DICKENS now before the | |
public, none are likely to be more popular than one in chromograph | |
lately issued by PRANG & Co., of Boston and New York. It represents the | |
great and genial writer as some few years younger than he was when he | |
last visited this country. The expression of the face is one of | |
thought--rather as he might have appeared when meditating over some new | |
turn to be given to the thread of a narrative, than as he used to look | |
when reading to an audience. This picture is printed in two or three | |
simple tints, of which the flesh tint is the most predominant. It is set | |
in an oval passe-partout, and requires only a glass over it to fit it | |
for placing on a wall. | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| A. T. Stewart & Co. | | |
| | | |
| Have just received several Cases | | |
| | | |
| PARIS MADE SILK AND POPLIN | | |
| | | |
| Street and Evening | | |
| | | |
| DRESSES, | | |
| | | |
| Two cases Cloth and Velvet Pattern | | |
| | | |
| Sacques, Cloaks, &c., | | |
| | | |
| An opening of | | |
| | | |
| HANDSOME TRIMMED HATS, | | |
| | | |
| Latest Paris Style. Also, | | |
| | | |
| Children's and Misses' Undergarments, | | |
| Infants' Outfits, etc., etc. | | |
| | | |
| Several Cases Real India | | |
| Camel's-Hair Shawls, | | |
| | | |
| At unusually attractive prices. | | |
| | | |
| Embroideries, Laces, Real Lace and LLama | | |
| Pointes, Dresses, &c. | | |
| | | |
| WEDDING TROUSSEAUX. | | |
| | | |
| The above forms only a very small portion of their | | |
| Large and Attractive Stock of | | |
| | | |
| ELEGANT GOODS, | | |
| | | |
| Imported and Domestic Made. | | |
| | | |
| Offered at | | |
| | | |
| BROADWAY, | | |
| | | |
| 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| A. T. Stewart & Co. | | |
| | | |
| Offer the largest, richest, and cheapest stock of | | |
| | | |
| DRESS GOODS, | | |
| | | |
| That has ever been Offered in this City, | | |
| | | |
| Comprising many Novelties in | | |
| | | |
| Poplins, Armures Cloths, Epinglines, Extra | | |
| | | |
| Quality Merinos, Ladies' Cloths, &c., &c. | | |
| | | |
| A Large Line of | | |
| | | |
| DOMESTIC SHIRTINGS, SHEETINGS, | | |
| BLANKETS, FLANNELS, | | |
| | | |
| And every Variety of | | |
| | | |
| HOUSEKEEPING GOODS. | | |
| | | |
| BROADWAY, | | |
| | | |
| 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| EXTRAORDINARY BARGAINS | | |
| | | |
| IN | | |
| CARPETS. | | |
| | | |
| Five Frame | | |
| ENGLISH BRUSSELS, | | |
| Reduced to $1.75 per yard. | | |
| | | |
| 200 Pieces Five-Frame | | |
| | | |
| English Brussels, | | |
| | | |
| Greater part Confined Styles, Reduced to $2 per yard. | | |
| | | |
| Very Best Quality | | |
| | | |
| ENGLISH TAPESTRY BRUSSELS | | |
| | | |
| $1.30 per yard. | | |
| | | |
| FRENCH MOQUETTES | | |
| | | |
| AND | | |
| | | |
| AXMINSTERS, | | |
| | | |
| $3.50 and $4 per yard. | | |
| | | |
| ROYAL WILTONS, | | |
| | | |
| Best Quality, $2.50 and $3 per yard. | | |
| | | |
| CROSSLEY'S VELVETS, | | |
| | | |
| Choice Designs, $2.50 per yard. | | |
| | | |
| Superfine Ingrains, 3-Plys. | | |
| | | |
| English and Domestic | | |
| | | |
| OILCLOTHS, RUGS, | | |
| | | |
| MATS, ETC., | | |
| | | |
| At Extremely Low Prices. | | |
| | | |
| A. T. STEWART & CO. | | |
| | | |
| BROADWAY, | | |
| | | |
| 4TH AVE., 9TH AND 10TH STREETS. | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| PUNCHINELLO. | | |
| | | |
| The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical | | |
| Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The | | |
| Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the | | |
| Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever | | |
| published in America. | | |
| | | |
| CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL. | | |
| | | |
| Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) $4.00 | | |
| " " six months, (without premium,) 2.00 | | |
| " " three months, " " 1.00 | | |
| Single copies mailed free, for .10 | | |
| | | |
| We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRANG & CO'S | | |
| CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows: | | |
| | | |
| A copy of paper for one year, and | | |
| | | |
| "The Awakening," (a Litter of Puppies.) Half chromo. | | |
| Size 8-3/8 by 11-1/8 ($2.00 picture,)--for $4.00 | | |
| | | |
| A copy of paper for one year and either of the | | |
| following $3.00 chromos: | | |
| | | |
| Wild Roses. 12-1/8 x 9. | | |
| Dead Game. 11-1/8 x 8-5/8. | | |
| Easter Morning. 6-3/4 x 10-1/4--for $5.00 | | |
| | | |
| A copy of paper for one year and either of the | | |
| following $5.00 chromos: | | |
| | | |
| Group of Chickens; | | |
| Group of Ducklings; | | |
| Group of Quails. Each 10 x 12-1/8. | | |
| The Poultry Yard. 10-1/8 x 14. | | |
| The Barefoot Boy; Wild Fruit. Each 9-3/4 x 13. | | |
| Pointer and Quail; Spaniel and Woodcock. 10 x 12--for $6.50 | | |
| | | |
| A copy of paper for one year and either of the | | |
| following $6.00 chromos: | | |
| | | |
| The Baby in Trouble; The Unconscious Sleeper; The Two | | |
| Friends. (Dog and Child.) Each 13 x 16-3/4. | | |
| Spring; Summer: Autumn; 12-7/8 x 16-1/8. | | |
| The Kid's Play Ground. ll x 17-1/2--for $7.00 | | |
| | | |
| A copy of paper for one year and either of the | | |
| following $7.50 chromos | | |
| | | |
| Strawberries and Baskets. | | |
| Cherries and Baskets. | | |
| Currants. Each 13 x 18. | | |
| Horses in a Storm. 22-1/4 x 15-1/4. | | |
| Six Central Park Views. (A set.) 9-1/8 x 4-1/2--for $8.00 | | |
| | | |
| A copy of paper for one year and Six American Landscapes. | | |
| (A set.) 4-3/8 x 9, price $9.00--for $9.00 | | |
| | | |
| A copy of paper for one year and either of the | | |
| following $10 chromos: | | |
| | | |
| Sunset in California. (Bierstadt) 18-1/8 x 12 | | |
| Easter Morning. 14 x 21. | | |
| Corregio's Magdalen. 12-1/2 x 16-3/8. | | |
| Summer Fruit, and Autumn Fruit. (Half chromos,) | | |
| 15-1/2 x 10-1/2, (companions, price $10.00 for the two), | | |
| for $10.00 | | |
| | | |
| Remittances should be made in P.O. Orders, Drafts, or Bank | | |
| Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be | | |
| sent from the first number, (April 2d, 1870,) when not | | |
| otherwise ordered. | | |
| | | |
| Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, | | |
| twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in | | |
| advance; the CHROMOS will be mailed free on receipt of | | |
| money. | | |
| | | |
| CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be | | |
| given. For special terms address the Company. | | |
| | | |
| The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of | | |
| seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A | | |
| specimen copy sent to any one desirous of canvassing or | | |
| getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamp. | | |
| | | |
| Address, | | |
| | | |
| PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | | |
| | | |
| P.O. Box 2783. | | |
| | | |
| No. 83 Nassau Street, New York. | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
[Illustration: FEEDING SPARROWS. | |
A HINT TO A CERTAIN CLASS OF "HUMANITARIANS"] | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| "The Printing House of the United States." | | |
| | | |
| GEO. F. NESBITT & CO., | | |
| | | |
| General JOB PRINTERS, | | |
| BLANK BOOK Manufacturers, | | |
| STATIONERS. Wholesale and Retail. | | |
| LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers. | | |
| COPPER-PLATE Engravers and Printers, | | |
| ENVELOPE Manufacturers, | | |
| FINE CUT and COLOR Printers. | | |
| | | |
| 163, 165, 167, and 169 PEARL ST., | | |
| 73, 75, 77, and 79 FINE ST., New York. | | |
| | | |
| ADVANTAGES.--All at the same premises, and under | | |
| immediate supervision of the proprietors. | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| Tourists and Pleasure Travelers | | |
| | | |
| will be glad to learn that that the Erie Railway Company has | | |
| prepared | | |
| | | |
| COMBINATION EXCURSION or Round Trip Tickets, | | |
| | | |
| Valid during the the entire season, and embracing | | |
| Ithaca--headwaters of Cayuga Lake--Niagara Falls, Lake | | |
| Ontario, the River St. Lawrence, Montreal, Quebec, Lake | | |
| Champlain, Lake George, Saratoga, the White Mountains, and | | |
| all principal points of interest in Northern New York, the | | |
| Canadas, and New England. Also similar Tickets at reduced | | |
| rates, through Lake Superior, enabling travelers to visit | | |
| the celebrated Iron Mountains and Copper Mines of that | | |
| region. By applying at the Offices of the Erie Railway Co., | | |
| Nos. 241, 529, and 957 Broadway; 205 Chambers St.; 33 | | |
| Greenwich St.; cor. 125th St. and Third Avenue, Harlem; 338 | | |
| Fulton St., Brooklyn; Depots foot of Chambers Street, and | | |
| foot of 23rd St., New York; No. 3 Exchange Place, and Long | | |
| Dock Depot, Jersey City, and the Agents at the principal | | |
| hotels, travelers can obtain just the Ticket they desire, as | | |
| well as all the necessary information. | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| PRANG'S LATEST PUBLICATIONS: "Wild Flowers," "Water-Lilies," | | |
| "Chas. Dickens." | | |
| | | |
| PRANG'S CHROMOS sold in all Art Stores throughout the world. | | |
| | | |
| PRANG'S ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE sent free on receipt of stamp. | | |
| | | |
| L. PRANG & CO., Boston. | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| PUNCHINELLO. | | |
| | | |
| With a large and varied experience in the management and | | |
| publication of a paper of the class herewith submitted, and | | |
| with the still more positive advantage of an Ample Capital | | |
| to justify the undertaking, the | | |
| | | |
| PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO. | | |
| | | |
| OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK, | | |
| | | |
| Presents to the public for approval, the new | | |
| | | |
| ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL | | |
| | | |
| WEEKLY PAPER, | | |
| | | |
| PUNCHINELLO, | | |
| | | |
| The first number of which was issued under date of April 2. | | |
| | | |
| ORIGINAL ARTICLES, | | |
| | | |
| Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs, or suggestive | | |
| ideas or sketches for illustrations, upon the topics of the | | |
| day, are always acceptable and will be paid for liberally. | | |
| Rejected communications cannot be returned, unless postage | | |
| stamps are included. | | |
| | | |
| TERMS: | | |
| | | |
| One copy, per year, in advance ...................... $4.00 | | |
| | | |
| Single copies ........................................ .10 | | |
| | | |
| A specimen copy will be mailed free upon the receipt of ten | | |
| cents. | | |
| | | |
| One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other magazine | | |
| or paper, price, $2.50, for................... $5.50 | | |
| | | |
| One copy, with any magazine of paper, price $4, for $7.00 | | |
| | | |
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| All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to | | |
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| PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | | |
| | | |
| No. 83 Nassau Street, | | |
| | | |
| P. O. Box, 2783, NEW YORK. | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. | | |
| | | |
| The New Burlesque Serial, | | |
| | | |
| Written expressly for PUNCHINELLO, | | |
| | | |
| BY | | |
| | | |
| OEPHEUS C. KERR, | | |
| | | |
| Commenced in No. 11, will be continued weekly throughout the | | |
| year. | | |
| | | |
| A sketch of the eminent author, written by his bosom friend, | | |
| with superb illustrations of | | |
| | | |
| 1ST. THE AUTHOR'S PALATIAL RESIDENCE AT BEGAD'S HILL, | | |
| TICKNOR'S FIELDS, NEW JERSEY | | |
| | | |
| 2D. THE AUTHOR AT THE DOOR OF SAID PALATIAL RESIDENCE, taken | | |
| as he appears "Every Saturday," will also be found in the | | |
| same number. | | |
| | | |
| Single Copies, for Sale by all newsmen, (or mailed from this | | |
| office, free,) Ten Cents. Subscription for One Year, one | | |
| copy, with $2 Chromo Premium, $4. | | |
| | | |
| Those desirous of receiving the paper containing this new | | |
| serial, which promises to be the best ever written by | | |
| ORPHEUS C. KERR, should subscribe now, to insure its regular | | |
| receipt weekly. | | |
| | | |
| We will send the first Ten Numbers of PUNCHINELLO to any one | | |
| who wishes to see them, in view of subscribing, on the | | |
| receipt of SIXTY CENTS. | | |
| | | |
| Address, | | |
| | | |
| PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, | | |
| | | |
| P. O. Box 2783. 83 Nassau St., New York | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
GEO. W. WHEAT & CO, PRINTERS, No. 8 SPRUCE STREET. | |
End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 2, No. 27, October | |
1, 1870, by Various | |
*** |