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Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, | |
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Vol. I No. 25 | |
PUNCHINELLO | |
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 1870. | |
PUBLISHED BY THE | |
PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, | |
83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK. | |
* * * * * | |
THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD, | |
By ORPHEUS C. KERR, | |
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THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. | |
AN ADAPTATION. | |
BY ORPHEUS C. KERR | |
CHAPTER XVIII | |
A SUBTLE STRANGER. | |
The latest transient guest at the Roach House--a hotel kept on the | |
entomological plan in Bumsteadville--was a gentleman of such lurid | |
aspect as made every beholder burn to know whom he could possibly be. | |
His enormous head of curled red hair not only presented a central | |
parting on top and a very much one-sided parting and puffing-out behind, | |
but actually covered both his ears; while his ruddy semi-circle of beard | |
curled inward, instead of out, and greatly surprised, if it did not | |
positively alarm, the looker-on, by appearing to remain perfectly | |
motionless, no matter how actively the stranger moved his jaws. This | |
ball of improbable inflammatory hair and totally independent face rested | |
in a basin of shirt collar; which, in its turn, was supported by a rusty | |
black necktie and a very loose suit of gritty alpaca; so that, taking | |
the gentleman for all in all, such an incredible human being had rarely | |
been seen outside of literary circles. | |
"Landlord," said the stranger to the brown linen host of the Roach | |
House, who was intently gazing at him with the appreciative expression | |
of one who beholds a comic ghost,--"landlord, after you have finished | |
looking at my head and involuntarily opening your mouth at some | |
occasional peculiarity of my whiskers, I should like to have something | |
to eat. As you tell me that woodcock is not fit to eat this year, and | |
that broiled chicken is positively prohibited by the Board of Health in | |
consequence of the sickly season, you may bring me some pork and beans, | |
and some crackers. Bring plenty of crackers, landlord, for I'm uncommon | |
fond of crackers. By absorbing the superfluous moisture in the head, | |
they clear the brain and make it more subtle." | |
Having been served with the wholesome country fare he had ordered, | |
together with a glass of the heady native wine called applejack, the | |
gentleman had but just moved a slice of pork from its bed in the beans, | |
when, with much interest, he closely inspected the spot of vegetables he | |
had uncovered, and expressed the belief that there was something alive | |
in it. | |
"Landlord," said he, musingly, "there is something amongst these beans | |
that I should take for a raisin, if it did not move." | |
Placing upon his nose a pair of vast silver spectacles, which gave him | |
an aspect of having two attic windows in his countenance, the landlord | |
bowed his head over the plate until his nose touched the beans, and | |
thoughtfully scrutinized the living raisin. | |
"As I thought, sir, it is only a water-bug," he observed, rescuing the | |
insect upon his thumb-nail. "You need not have been frightened, however, | |
for they never bite." | |
Somewhat reassured, the stranger went on eating until his knife | |
encountered resistance in the secondary layer of beans; when he once | |
more inspected the dish, with marked agitation. | |
"Can this be a skewer, down here?" inquired he, prodding at some hard, | |
springy object with his fork. | |
The host of the Roach House bore both fork and object to a window, where | |
the light was less deceptive, and was presently able to announce | |
confidently that the object was only a hair-pin. Then, observing that | |
his guest looked curiously at a cracker, which, from the gravelly marks | |
on one side, seemed to have been dug out of the earth, like a potato, he | |
hastened to obviate all complaint in that line by carefully wiping every | |
individual cracker with his pocket handkerchief. | |
"And now, landlord," said the stranger, at last, pulling a couple of | |
long, unidentified hairs from his mouth as he hurriedly retired from the | |
meal, "I suppose you are wondering who I am?" | |
"Well, sir," was the frank answer, "I can't deny that there are points | |
about you to make a plain man like myself thoughtful. There's that about | |
your hair, sir, with the middle-parting on top and the side-parting | |
behind, to give a plain person the impression that your brain must be | |
slightly turned, and that, by rights, your face ought to be where your | |
neck is. Neither can I deny, sir, that the curling of your whiskers the | |
wrong way, and their peculiarity in remaining entirely still while your | |
mouth is going, are circumstances calculated to excite the liveliest | |
apprehensions of those who wish you well." | |
"The peculiarities you notice," returned the gentleman, "may either | |
exist solely in your own imagination, or they may be the result of my | |
own ill-health. My name is TRACEY CLEWS, and I desire to spend a few | |
weeks in the country for physical recuperation. Have you any idea where | |
a dead-beat,[1] like myself, could find inexpensive lodgings in | |
Bumsteadville?" | |
The host hastily remarked, that his own bill for those pork and beans | |
was fifty cents; and upon being paid, coldly added that a Mrs. SMYTHE, | |
wife of the sexton of Saint Cow's Ritualistic Church, took hash-eaters | |
for the summer. As the gentleman preferred a high-church private | |
boarding-house to an unsectarian first class hotel, all he had to do was | |
to go out on the road again, and keep inquiring until he found the | |
place. | |
Donning his Panama hat, and carrying a stout cane, Mr. CLEWS was quickly | |
upon the turnpike; and, his course taking him near the pauper | |
burial-ground, he presently perceived an extremely disagreeable child | |
throwing stones at pigeons in a field, and generally hitting the | |
beholder. | |
"You young Alderman! what do you mean?" he exclaimed, with marked | |
feeling, rubbing the place on his knee which had just been struck. | |
"Then just give me a five-cent stamp to aim at yer, and yer won't ketch | |
it onc't," replied the boyish trifler. "I couldn't hit what I was to | |
fire at if it was my own daddy." | |
"Here are ten cents, then," said the gentleman, wildly dodging the last | |
shot at a distant pigeon, "and now show me where Mrs. SMYTHE lives. | |
"All right, old brick-top," assented the merry sprite, with a vivacious | |
dash of personality. "D'yer see that house as yer skoot past the Church | |
and round the corner?" | |
"Yes." | |
"Well, that's SMYTHE'S, and BUMSTEAD lives there, too--him as is always | |
tryin' to put a head on me. I'll play my points on him yet, though. | |
_I'll_ play my points!" And the rather vulgar young chronic absentee | |
from Sunday-school retired to a proper distance, and from thence began | |
stoning his benefactor to the latter's perfect safety. | |
Reaching the boarding-house of Mrs. SMYTHE, as directed, Mr. TRACEY | |
CLEWS soon learned from the lady that he could have a room next to the | |
apartment of Mr. BUMSTEAD, to whom he was referred for further | |
recommendation of the establishment. Though that broken-hearted | |
gentleman was mourning the loss of a beloved umbrella, accompanied by a | |
nephew, and having a bone handle, Mrs. SMYTHE was sure he would speak a | |
good word for her house. Perhaps Mr. CLEWS had heard of his loss? | |
Mr. CLEWS could not exactly recall that particular case; but had a | |
confused recollection of having lost several umbrellas himself, at | |
various times, and had no doubt that the addition of a nephew must make | |
such a loss still heavier. | |
Mr. BUMSTEAD being in his room when the introduction took place, and | |
having Judge SWEENEY for company over a bowl of lemon tea, the new | |
boarder lifted his hat politely to both dignitaries, and involuntarily | |
smacked his lips at the mixture they were taking for their coughs. | |
"Excuse me, gentlemen," said Mr. TRACEY CLEWS, in a manner almost | |
stealthy; "but, as I am about to take summer board with the lady of this | |
house, I beg leave to inquire if she and the man she married are | |
strictly moral except in having cold dinner on Sunday?" | |
Mr. BUMSTEAD, who sat very limply in his chair, said that she was a very | |
good woman, a very good woman, and would spare no pains to secure the | |
comfort of such a head of hair as he then saw before him. | |
"This is my dear friend, Judge SWEENEY," continued the Ritualistic | |
organist, languidly waving a spoon towards that gentleman, "who has a | |
very good wife in the grave, and knows much more about women and gravy | |
than I. As for me," exclaimed Mr. BUMSTEAD, suddenly climbing upon the | |
arm of his chair and staring at Mr. CLEW'S head rather wildly, "my only | |
bride was of black alpaca, with a brass ferrule, and I can never care | |
for the sex again." Here Mr. BUMSTEAD, whose eyes had been rolling in an | |
extraordinary manner, tumbled into his chair again, and then, frowning | |
intensely, helped himself to lemon tea. | |
"I am referred to your Honor for further particulars," observed Mr. | |
TRACEY CLEWS, bowing again to Judge SWEENEY. "Not to wound our friend | |
further by discussion of the fair sex, may I ask if Bumsteadville | |
contains many objects of interest for a stranger, like myself?" | |
"One, at least, sir," answered the Judge. "I think I could show you a | |
tombstone which you would find very good reading. An epitaph upon my | |
late better-half. If you are a married man you can not help enjoying | |
it." | |
Mr. CLEWS regretted to inform his Honor, that he had never been a | |
married man, and, therefore, could not presume to fancy what the | |
literary enjoyment of a widower must be at such a treat. | |
"A journalist, I presume?" insinuated Judge SWEENEY, more and more | |
struck by the other's perfect pageant of incomprehensible hair and | |
beard. | |
"His Honor flatters me too much." | |
"Something in the lunatic line, then, perhaps?" | |
"I have told your Honor that I never was married." | |
Since last speaking, Mr. BUMSTEAD had been staring at the new boarder's | |
head and face, with a countenance expressive of mingled consternation | |
and wrath, and now made a startling rush at him from his chair and | |
fairly forced half a glass of lemon tea down his throat. | |
"There, sir!" said the mourning organist, panting with suppressed | |
excitement. "That will keep you from taking cold until you can be walked | |
up and down in the open air long enough to get your hair and beard | |
sober. They have been indulging, sir, until the top of your head has | |
fallen over backwards, and your whiskers act as though they belonged to | |
somebody else. The sight confuses me, sir, and in my present state of | |
mind I can't bear it." | |
Coughing from the lemon tea, and greatly amazed by his hasty dismissal, | |
Mr. CLEWS followed Judge SWEENEY from the room and house in precipitate | |
haste, and, when they were fairly out of doors, remarked, that the | |
gentleman they had just left had surprised him unprecedentedly, and that | |
he was very much put out by it. | |
"Mr. JOHN BUMSTEAD, sir," explained the Judge, "is almost beside himself | |
at the double loss he has sustained, and I think that the sight of your | |
cane, there, maddened him with the memory it revived." | |
"Why," exclaimed the gentleman of the hair, staring in wonder, "you | |
don't mean to tell me that my cane looks at all like his nephew?" | |
"It looks a little like the stick of his umbrella, which he lost at the | |
same time," was the grave answer. | |
After walking on in thoughtful silence for a while, as though deeply | |
pondering the striking character of a man whose great nature could thus | |
at once unite the bereaved uncle with the sincere mourner for the dumb | |
friend of his rainier days, Mr. TRACEY CLEWS asked whether suspicion yet | |
pointed to any one? | |
Yes, he was told, suspicion did point very decidedly at a certain | |
person; but, as no specific reward had yet been offered in sufficient | |
amount to justify the exertions of police officials having families to | |
support; and as no lifeless body had yet been found; and as it was not | |
exactly certain that the abstraction of an umbrella by unknown parties | |
would justify the criminal prosecution of a person for having in his | |
possession an Indian Club:--in view of all these complicated | |
circumstances, the law did not feel itself authorized to execute any | |
assassin at present. | |
"And here we are, sir, at last, near our Ritualistic Church," continued | |
Judge SWEENEY, "where we stand up for the Rite so much that strangers | |
sometimes complain of it as fatiguing. Upon that monument yonder, in the | |
graveyard, you may find the epitaph I have mentioned. What is more, here | |
comes a rather interesting local character of ours, who cut the | |
inscription and put up the monument." | |
Mr. MCLAUGHLIN came shuffling up the road as he spoke, followed in the | |
distance by the inevitable SMALLEY and a shower of promiscuous stones. | |
"Here, you boy!" roared Judge SWEENEY, beckoning the amiable child to | |
him with a bit of small money, "aim at _all_ of us--do you hear?--and | |
see that you don't hit any windows. And now, MCLAUGHLIN, how do you do? | |
Here is a gentleman spending the summer with us, who would like to know | |
you." | |
Old MORTARITY stared at the hair and beard, thus introduced to him, with | |
undisguised amazement, and grimly remarked, that if the gentleman would | |
come to see him any evening, and bring a social bottle with him, he | |
would not allow the gentleman's head to stand in the way of a further | |
acquaintance. | |
"I shall certainly call upon you," assented Mr. CLEWS, "if our young | |
friend, the stone-thrower, will accept a trifle to show me the way." | |
Before retiring to his bed that night, the same Mr. TRACEY CLEWS took | |
off his hair and beard, examined them closely, and then broke into a | |
strange smile. "No wonder they all looked at me so!" he soliloquized, | |
"for I did have my locks on the topside backmost, and my whiskers turned | |
the wrong way. However, for a dead-beat, with all his imperfections on | |
his head, I've formed a pretty large acquaintance for one day."[2] | |
(_To be Continued._) | |
[Footnote 1: "Buffer" is the term used in the English story. Its nearest | |
native equivalent is, probably, our Dead-Beat;" meaning, variously, | |
according to circumstances, a successful American politician; a wife's | |
male relative; a watering-place correspondent of a newspaper, a New York | |
detective policeman; any person who is uncommonly pleasant with people, | |
while never asking them to take anything with him; a pious boarder; a | |
French revolutionist.] | |
[Footnote 2: In both conception and execution, the original of the above | |
Chapter, in Mr. DICKENS's work, is, perhaps, the least felicitous page | |
of fiction ever penned by the great novelist; and, as this Adaptation is | |
in no wise intended as a burlesque, or caricature, of the _style_ at the | |
original, (but rather as a conscientious imitation of it, so far as | |
practicable,) the Adapter has not allowed himself that license of humor | |
which, in the most comically effective treatment of said Chapter, might | |
bear the appearance of such an intention.] | |
* * * * * | |
PUNCHINELLO CORRESPONDENCE | |
ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. | |
_Patchouli._--What is the substance which enables flies to adhere to the | |
ceiling? | |
_Answer._--Ceiling wax. | |
_Rosalie._--What is the meaning of the term "suspended animation?" | |
_Answer._--If you remain at any fashionable watering-place after the | |
close of the season you'll find out. | |
_Zanesvillian._--Your pronunciation of the French word _bois_ is | |
incorrect, else you could not have fallen into the blunder of supposing | |
that the Bois de Boulogne and the Bois de Vincennes are _gamins_ of | |
Paris. | |
_Blunderbore._--Your suggestion is ingenious, but the refined sentiment | |
of cruelty revealed in it is deserving of the severest censure. It is | |
true that the introduction of German cookery into France by the | |
Prussians, as you propose, would in a short time decimate the | |
population, but what a fearful precedent it would be! You can best | |
realize it by imagining Massachusetts cookery introduced into New York, | |
and the consequent desolation of her purliens. | |
_Mrs. Gamp._--No; neither the French nor the Prussians are armed with | |
air guns. Your mistake arose from puzzling over those distracting war | |
reports, in which the word Argonnes figures so conspicuously. | |
_R.G.W._--What is the origin of the term "Bezonian," which occurs in the | |
Shaksperean drama? | |
_Answer._--Some trace it to Ben Zine, an inflammable friend of "ancient | |
Pistol's." It is far more probable, however, that the word was | |
originally written "Bazainian," and was merely prophetic of the | |
well-known epithet now bestowed by Prussian soldiers on the French | |
troops serving under BAZAINE. | |
_Earl Russel_--In reply to your question as to whether the thumb nail of | |
HOGARTH on which he made his traditional sketch of a drunken man, is now | |
in an American collection, we can only state that, of course, it once | |
formed a leading object of interest in BARNUM'S Museum. As that building | |
was destroyed by fire in 1865, however, it is to be presumed that the | |
HOGARTH nail perished with all the other nails, or was sold with them, | |
as "junk." | |
_Invalid._--To regain strength you should take means to increase the | |
amount of iron in your blood. Bark will do it, which accounts for the | |
fact that the blood of dogs has a large per centage of iron. Here in New | |
York, the ordinary way of getting iron in the blood is to have a knife | |
run into you by the hand of an assassin; but this is not considered | |
favorable to longevity. | |
* * * * * | |
THE ROMANCE OF A RICH YOUNG MAN. | |
It happened, once upon a time, that there was a great city, and that | |
city, being devoid of a sensation, yearned for a great man. Then the | |
wise men of the city began to look around, when lo! there entered | |
through the gates of the city a certain peddler from a foreign country, | |
which is called Yankee Land, and behold! the great man was found. He | |
dealt in shekels and stocks, and bloomed and flourished, and soon became | |
like unto a golden calf, and lo! all the wise men fell down and | |
worshipped him. Now it happened that at first, like all great men, he | |
was misunderstood, and the people ascribed his success to his partner, | |
so that everybody said, | |
The name is but the guinea's stamp, | |
The man's a GOULD for all that; | |
but the people were soon disabused of this idea, and the name of JEAMES | |
PHYSKE was in everybody's mouth. | |
Now it came to pass that there was a certain devout man called DEDREW, | |
who was the Grand Mogul and High Priest of a certain railroad | |
corporation called the Eareye, because, while it was much in everybody's | |
ear, no one could see anything of it or its dividends. So JEAMES PHYSKE | |
went straightway unto DEDREW and said unto him, "Lo! your servant is as | |
full of wiles as an egg is of meat. Make me then, I pray you, your chief | |
adviser, and put me in the high places." And DEDREW smiled upon him, as | |
he is wont to do, and finding that he was a stranger, he took him in, | |
and knowing that all were fish which came unto his net, he straightway | |
put him in the high places in Eareye, saying unto himself, "I will take | |
this lamb and fleece him." So PHYSKE sat high in Eareye. But it came to | |
pass very soon thereafter, that DEDREW and PHYSKE fell out, some say | |
about the division of the spoils which they had taken from the enemy, | |
which, being interpreted, is the people, while others do state that | |
DEDREW attempted to cut the wool from PHYSKE, but that it stuck so | |
tightly that PHYSKE caught him. Anyhow, it came to pass, very soon, that | |
DEDREW was sitting on the outside steps of Eareye, and PHYSKE was | |
sitting on DEDREW'S throne. | |
Then PHYSKE ruled Eareye, and he took the stock and he did multiply it | |
manifold, which is called, by some people, watering. Now it happened | |
that a certain man named PYKE did build him a costly mansion on the | |
street which is called Twenty-third, and did therein have foreign | |
singers and dancers, and players upon the violin, which is called the | |
fiddle, and upon the bass viol, which is called the big fiddle, and upon | |
sheets of parchment, which are called the drum, and upon divers other | |
instruments. And PHYSKE looked upon the mansion, and it seemed good in | |
his eyes, and he said unto PYKE, "Sell me now your mansion." And PYKE | |
did sell unto him the mansion, and the foreign singers and dancers, and | |
the players upon the violin, which is called the fiddle, and the players | |
upon the big fiddle, and the players upon the drums, and the players | |
upon divers other instruments. And PHYSKE forthwith built himself a | |
throne there, and did make the mansion the palace of Eareye. And he | |
would sit upon his throne and view the foreign singers and dancers, and | |
the players upon divers instruments, and would much applaud, when his | |
foreign dancers did dance a certain dance, wherein the toe is placed | |
upon the forehead, and which is called the _cancan_. And all the people | |
came and worshipped him, him and his foreign singers and dancers, and | |
players upon divers instruments, and his great diamond. And PHYSKE was | |
called Prince Eareye. | |
Then it happened that PHYSKE much desired to command upon the ocean; so | |
he forthwith bought him a line of steamers, which did run to the foreign | |
land, which is called Yankee Land, and he placed thereon a goodly number | |
of his players upon divers instruments, and he did buy him a coat of | |
many colors, and did stand upon the landing place, which is called the | |
dock, and the players upon divers instruments did play, "Hail to the | |
Chief," and all the people did shout, "Hurrah for Admiral PHYSKE, Prince | |
of Eareye!" for he was of a noble stature, being four hands wider than | |
his fellows. | |
Now it came to pass that divers envious persons did institute certain | |
troublesome actions, which are called suits, against him, and did | |
endeavor to drive him from the land, but PHYSKE took a field and went | |
before a barnyard, and did rout these envious persons, and did smite | |
them on the hip, which, being interpreted, is that he dismissed their | |
suits, and did smite them on the thigh, which, being interpreted, is, | |
did make them pay costs. But the field and the barnyard were much | |
employed. | |
Then PHYSKE took into his counsel divers persons, dealers in shekels, | |
and did say unto them, "Let us find us a man who can tell us whether | |
those in high places will sell gold. And if he say unto us, nay, let us | |
buy much gold and make many shekels." And the divers persons, dealers in | |
shekels, were astonished at his shrewdness, and were all of one accord. | |
Then PHYSKE found him a man who did say unto him nay, and PHYSKE and | |
the divers other persons did buy much gold. Now it happened that those | |
in high places did sell gold, and PHYSKE and the divers other persons | |
were sore afraid, and did fall upon each other's necks and did weep. But | |
PHYSKE straightway recovered and said unto them, "Lo, if I do murder and | |
the doctor say that I was insane, am I not forthwith discharged?" and | |
they said unto him, "It is even so." Then said he unto them, "Let us | |
send our broker into the board, so that he shall act like an insane man, | |
and can we be held for an insane man's purchases?" And they were filled | |
with great rejoicing. And the broker did go into the board, and did act | |
like an insane man, and PHYSKE and divers other persons did retain their | |
shekels. And it was Friday when they did these things, and when they had | |
done them they laughed until they were black in their faces, and the | |
day--is it not called Black Friday? | |
Then PHYSKE did bring unto himself other boats and other roads, and | |
waxed powerful, and became great in the land, and he was much | |
interviewed by the scribes of a certain paper, "It shines for all," | |
which, being interpreted, is the Moon, and his sayings--can they not be | |
found in the pages of "It shines for all," which, being interpreted, is | |
the Moon, and are they not preserved there for two centuries? | |
And then it came to pass that PHYSKE sat himself down and sighed because | |
there were no more worlds to conquer. But straightway he resolved to | |
become a Colonel. So certain persons endeavored to make him commander of | |
the 99th regiment of foot, but a certain old centurion, which is Brains, | |
ran against him and overcame him. But the soldiers said unto each other, | |
"Is it not better that we should have body than brains, and had we not | |
better take unto ourselves the fleshpots?" So they deposed Brains and | |
chose the Prince of Eareye as their commander. And he straightway | |
submitted them to twelve temptations. Now it happened, that, as he was | |
marching at the head of his soldiers in the place wherein these twelve | |
temptations are kept, a certain servant of one Mammon did serve upon him | |
a paper, which is called a summons, and did command him to pay for his | |
butter. At which PHYSKE was much enraged and did wax wroth. And | |
thereupon he did march and countermarch his soldiers many times. And he | |
ordered another coat of many colors, and lo! in all Chatham Street there | |
was not cloth enough to make it, so they brought it from a foreign land. | |
And it came to pass that he and the centurion, which is Brains--for | |
should not body and brains work together?--did march the soldiers down | |
the street which is called Broadway, and did take them to the Branch | |
which is called Long, and there did divers curious things, all which are | |
they not found in the paper, "It shines for all," which, being | |
interpreted, is the Moon? | |
Now it happened that one HO RACE GREL HE, being a Prussian, did fall | |
upon PHYSKE and did berate him in a paper, which is called the _Try | |
Buin_. And PHYSKE became very wroth and did stop the sale of the paper, | |
which is called the _Try Buin_, upon his roads. And HO RACE GREL HE, | |
being a Prussian, was sore afraid, and did fall straightway upon his | |
knees, and did say, "Lo, your servant has sinned! I pray thee forgive | |
him." And PHYSKE did say, "I forgive thee," which, being interpreted, | |
is, "All right, old <DW53>, don't let me catch you at it again." | |
And PHYSKE did divers other strange and curious things, but are they not | |
written down daily by the scribes of the paper, "It shines for all," | |
which, being interpreted, is the Moon, and cannot he who runs, read them | |
there? | |
LOT. | |
* * * * * | |
From the Spirit of Lindley Murray. | |
When is a schoolboy like an event that has happened? | |
When he has come to parse. | |
* * * * * | |
THE WATERING PLACES. | |
Punchinello's Vacations. | |
Vain heading! This paper is not intended to communicate anything about a | |
vacation. "Would that it were! says Mr. PUNCHINELLO, from the bottom of | |
his heart. | |
Last week Mr. P. intended going to the White Mountains. | |
But he didn't go. | |
On his way to the Twenty-third Street depot, he met the Count JOANNES. | |
"Ah ha! my noble friend!" said the latter. ""Whither away"?" | |
Mr. P. explained whither he was away; and was amazed to see the singular | |
expression which instantly spread itself over the countenance of his | |
noble friend. | |
"To the "White Mountains!"cried the Count," why, my good fellow, what | |
are you thinking of? Do you not know that this is September?" | |
"Certainly I do,"said Mr. P." I know that this is the season when Nature | |
revels in her richest hues, and Aurora gilds the fairest landscape; when | |
the rays of glorious old Sol are tempered by the soft caresses of the | |
balmiest zephyrs, and--" | |
"Oh, certainly! certainly!" cried the Count, "I have no doubt of it; not | |
the least bit in the world. In fact, I have been in those places myself | |
when a boy, and I know all about it. But let me tell you, sir, as | |
_amicus curiae_, (and I assure you that I have often been _amicus | |
curiae_ before,) that society will not tolerate anything of this kind on | |
your part, sir. The skies in the country may be bluest at this season, | |
sir; the air most delicious, the scenery most gorgeous, and | |
accommodations of all kinds most plenty and excellent, but it will not | |
do. The conductor of a first class journal belongs in a manner to | |
society, and society will never forgive him for going into the country | |
after the season is over. As _amicus curiae_--" | |
"_Amicus_ your grandmother, sir!" said Mr. P. "What does society know | |
about the beauties of nature, or the proper time for enjoying them?" | |
"Society knows enough about it, sir!" cried the Count, drawing his sword | |
a little way from its scabbard and letting it fall again with: clanging | |
sound. "And representing society, as I do in my proper person here, sir, | |
I say that any man who would go into the country in the latter part of | |
September is a---" | |
"A what, sir?" said Mr. P., nervously fingering his umbrella. | |
"Yes, sir, he is, sir!" | |
"Do you say that, sir?" | |
"In your teeth, sir!" | |
"'Tis false, sir!" | |
"What, sir?" | |
"Just so, sir!" | |
"To me, sir?" | |
"To you, sir!" | |
The Count JOANNES drew his sword. | |
Mr. P. stood _en garde_. | |
Just at this moment the Greenwich Street Cordwainers' Target | |
Association, preceded by one half the whole body of Metropolitan Police, | |
approached the spot. The Target Society were out on a street parade, and | |
the policemen marched before them to clear Broadway of all vehicles and | |
foot-passengers, and to stop short, for the time, the business of a | |
great city, in order that these twenty spindle-legged and melancholy | |
little cobblers might have a proper opportunity of showing their utter | |
ignorance of all rules of marching, and the management of firearms. | |
Perceiving this vast body of police, with Superintendent JOURDAN at its | |
head, advancing with measured tread upon them, the Count sheathed his | |
sword and Mr. P. shut up his deadly weapon. | |
Slowly and in opposite directions they withdrew from the ground. | |
It was too late for Mr. P.'s train, and he returned to his home. There, | |
in the solitude of his private apartments, he came to the conclusion | |
that it would be useless to oppose the decrees of Society. The idea that | |
the Count, that worthy leader of the metropolitan _ton_, had put into | |
his head, was not to be treated contemptuously. He must give up all the | |
fruity richness of September, the royal glories of October, and the | |
delicious hazes of the Indian Summer, pack away his fish-hooks and his | |
pocket-flask, and stay in the city like the rest of the fools. | |
This conclusion, however, did not prevent Mr. P. from dreaming. He had a | |
delightful dream that night, in which he found himself sailing on Lake | |
George; ascending Mount Washington; and participating in the revelry of | |
a clam-bake on the seagirt shore of Kings and Queens and Suffolk | |
Counties. As nearly as circumstances will permit, he has endeavored to | |
give an idea of his dream by means of the following sketch. | |
Taken as a whole, Mr. P. is not desirous that this dream should come | |
true, but taken in parts he would have no objections to see it fulfilled | |
as soon as Society will permit. | |
Which will be, he supposes, about next July. | |
In the meantime, he advises such of his patrons as have depended | |
entirely upon his letters for their summer recreation, and who will now | |
be deprived of this delightful enjoyment, to make every effort to go to | |
some of our summer resorts and spend a few weeks after the fashionable | |
season is over,--that is, if they think they can brave the opinion of | |
society. It may not be so pleasant to go to these places as to read Mr. | |
P.'s accounts of them, but it is the best that can be done. | |
The following little tail-piece will give a forcible idea of how | |
completely Mr. P. has given up, for the season, his field sports and | |
country pleasures. Copies may be obtained by placing a piece of | |
tracing-paper over the picture and following the lines with a | |
lead-pencil. | |
* * * * * | |
THE POEMS OF THE CRADLE. | |
CANTO VI. | |
TAFFY was a Welshman, | |
TAFFY was a thief, | |
TAFFY came to my house and stole a piece of beef. | |
I went to TAFFY'S house, | |
TAFFY wasn't at home, | |
TAFFY came to my house and stole a mutton bone. | |
It is not often that a poet descends to the discussion of mundane | |
affairs. His sphere of usefulness, oftentimes usefulness to himself, | |
only, lies among the roseate clouds of the morn, or the spiritual | |
essences of the cerulean regions, but, like other human beings, he | |
cannot live on the zephyr breeze, or on the moonbeams flitting o'er the | |
rippling stream. Such ethereal food is highly unproductive of adipose | |
tissue, and the poet needs adipose like any other man. And our poet is | |
no exception to the rule, for he well knew that good digestible poetry | |
can't be written on an empty stomach. | |
It is seldom that a writer is met with, who does not seize every | |
opportunity to attract attention to his own deeds. He is never so happy | |
as when, in contemplation, he hears the remarks of his readers tending | |
to his praise for the noble and heroic deeds he makes himself perform. | |
But with our poet--and we have been exceptional in our choice--he has | |
always been backward in coming forward, and it was not until he was | |
touched upon a tender point that he concluded to make himself heard, | |
when he might depict, in glowing terms, some of the few ills which flesh | |
is heir to. | |
The opportune moment arrived. | |
He had been out since early dawn, gathering the dew from the | |
sweet-scented flower, or painting in liquid vowels the pleasant calmness | |
of the cow-pasture, or mayhap echoing with hie pencil's point the | |
well-noted strains of the Shanghai rooster, when the far-off distant | |
bell announced to him that he must finish his poetic pabulum, and hurry | |
home to something more in accordance with the science of modern cookery. | |
He arrived and found his household in tumult. "Who's been here since | |
I've been gone?" sang he, in pathetic tones. And he heard in mournful | |
accents the answer, "TAFFY." | |
Could anything more melancholy have befallen our poet? He could remember | |
in childhood's merry days the old candy-woman, with her plentiful store | |
of brown sweetness long drawn out; and how himself and companions spent | |
many a pleasant hour teasing their little teeth with the delicate | |
morsels. Now his childhood's dreams vanished. He remembered that | |
"TAFFY was a Welshman." | |
And then, after a careful scrutiny of the larder, assisted by the | |
gratuitous services of his ever faithful feline friend, THOMAS, he | |
found the extent of his loss. | |
"TAFFY was a thief," | |
he now gave vent to passion, while anguish rent his soul. TAFFY had been | |
here, and made good his coming, although the good was entirely on | |
TAFFY'S side, for he walked off again with a piece of beef, and was, | |
even at this very moment, smacking his chops over its tender fibres. | |
All his respect for TAFFY now vanished like the misty cloud before the | |
rays of the morning sun. He buckled on the armor of his strength, | |
departed for TAFFY'S house, determined to wreak his vengeance thereon, | |
and scatter TAFFY, limb for limb, throughout his own corn-field. "Woe, | |
woe to TAFFY," he muttered between his clenched teeth. "I will make | |
mincemeat of him; I will enclose him in sausage skins, and will send him | |
to that good man, KI YI SAMPSON." | |
Judge of our poet's chagrin, however, when, on arriving at TAFFY'S | |
house, he was informed, with mocking smiles. | |
"TAFFY wasn't at home." | |
Here was a fall to his well-formed plans of vengeance.--All dashed to | |
the ground by one foul scathing blow. | |
But whither went TAFFY? The poet himself could tell you if you waited, | |
but we will tell you now. TAFFY liked beef; liked it as no other human | |
liked it, for he could eat it raw. And when, foraging around the | |
village, he found a nice piece at the poet's house, his carnivorous | |
proclivities induced him to steal it, and, with it under his arm, | |
hurried off to the nearest barn, and there rapidly devoured it. This | |
only seemed to give him an appetite. He went foraging again, but this | |
time only picked up a mutton-bone. "The nearer the bone, the sweeter the | |
meat," cried TAFFY, and with a flourish he hastened to his hiding place, | |
while the poor poet, disconsolate in his first loss, returned home only | |
to find a second; and the culprit was still free. | |
Ah! my kind reader, here was a deep cut to our poet. "Who would care for | |
mother now?" he sang, for all the meat was gone. Home was no longer the | |
dearest spot on earth to him, since it was rudely desecrated by the | |
hands of TAFFY--of DAVID, the Welshman. | |
Poor poet! Cruel TAFFY! | |
Let me draw the curtain of popular sympathy over the unhappy household. | |
The poet has told his story in words which will never die; and he has | |
proclaimed the infamy of TAFFY to the uttermost corners of the earth. | |
* * * * * | |
Sweeping Reform. | |
The world moves. There is a chiropodist now travelling in the East who | |
removes excrescences of the feet simply by sweeping them away with a | |
corn broom. When last heard of he was at Alexandria, and there is no | |
corn in Egypt, now. | |
* * * * * | |
OUR EXPLOSIVES. | |
What between nitroglycerine, kerosene, and ordinary gas, New York city | |
has, for years.past, been admirably provided with explosives. Now we | |
have to add gasoline to the interesting catalogue of inflammables. What | |
gasoline is, we have not the slightest notion, but, as it knocked | |
several houses in Maiden Lane into ashes a few days since, it must be | |
something. Crinoline, dangerous as it is, would have been safer for | |
Maiden Lane than gasoline, and more appropriate. In the present dearth | |
of public amusements, these jolly explosives--gasoline, dualine, | |
nitroglycerine, and the rest of 'em,--come in very well to create a | |
sensation. They keep the firemen in wind, and, as the firemen keep them | |
in water, the obligation is reciprocal. Let Gasoline, as well as | |
Crinoline, have the suffrage, by all means. | |
* * * * * | |
Aggravating. | |
The war news is becoming dizzier every day. It is now announced that the | |
Prussian headquarters are at St. Dizier. | |
* * * * * | |
Anna-Tom-ical. | |
"A young man who lost an arm, some two weeks since, insists upon it that | |
he still feels pain in the arm and fingers."--(Daily Paper.) | |
This is strange, certainly, but not more so than the statement of our | |
young man, TOM, who affirms that, having had his arm around ANNA'S waist | |
some three weeks ago, he still feels the most bewitching sensations in | |
that arm. Who can explain these things? | |
* * * * * | |
_Prussicos odi, puer, apparatus_,--as old NAP said to young NAP, when | |
the Teutonic bullets flew about them at Saarbruck. | |
* * * * * | |
[Illustration: WE DON'T KNOW WHETHER IT IS CORRECT, BUT THIS IS | |
PUNCHINELLO'S IDEA OF THE CHASSE POT.] | |
* * * * * | |
[Illustration: A FACT FROM LAKE SUPERIOR. | |
_Shipwrecked Cockney_.--"I SAY, CAPTAIN, ARE THERE ANY BEARS ABOUT HERE? | |
I'VE COME PREPARED FOR A LITTLE SPORT, YOU KNOW."] | |
* * * * * | |
THE CHARGE OF THE NINTH BRIGADE. | |
"Col. FISK, Jr., marched his men up to the Continental Bar-room this | |
evening and gave them a _carte blanche_ order for drinks."--_Special to | |
morning paper_. | |
Half asleep, half asleep, | |
Half asleep, onward | |
Into the bar-room bright | |
Strode the Six Hundred: | |
'Forward the Ninth Brigade! | |
Charge this to me," he said. | |
Into the bar-room, then | |
Rushed the Six Hundred. | |
Topers to right of them. | |
Topers to left of them, | |
Old sots in front of them, | |
Parleyed and wondered; | |
Yet into line they fell, | |
Boldly they drank, and well | |
Into the jaws of each, | |
Into the mouth of all, | |
Drinks went, Six Hundred. | |
Flashed the big diamond there, | |
Flashed as its owner square | |
Treated his soldiers there, | |
Charging a bar-room, while | |
All the "beats" wondered. | |
Choked with tobacco smoke, | |
Straight for the door they broke, | |
Pushing and rushing, | |
Reeled from the Bourbon stroke, | |
Shattered and sundered; | |
Thus they went back--they did-- | |
On the Six Hundred. | |
Whiskey to right of them, | |
Cocktails to left of them, | |
Popping corks after them, | |
Volleyed and thundered, | |
Yet, 'twere but truth to tell,-- | |
Many a hero fell. | |
Tho' some did stand it well, | |
Those that were left of them, | |
Left of Six Hundred. | |
Oh! what a bill was paid, | |
Oh! what a noise they made, | |
All Long Branch wondered; | |
Oh! what a noise they made, | |
They of the Ninth Brigade, | |
Jolly Six Hundred! | |
* * * * * | |
A Sun-burst. | |
The _Sun_ regretfully announces that PUNCHINELLO is about to "give up | |
the ghost." PUNCHINELLO begs to assure the Sun that he doesn't keep a | |
ghost; though, at the same time, the mistake was a natural one enough to | |
emanate from Mr. C. A. (D. B.) DANA, who keeps a REAL ghost in his | |
closet. | |
* * * * * | |
A. Natural Mistake. | |
An advertisement from the establishment of Messrs. A. T. STEWART & Co., | |
announces, among other things, that they have opened a "MADDER PRINT." | |
At first sight we supposed that the firm in question had begun | |
publishing a paper in opposition to the Sun, and that it was to be, if | |
possible, a madder print than that luminary, for the purpose of cutting | |
it out. Further reflection convinced us, however, that the "print" in | |
question was connected with the subject of dry goods, only. | |
* * * * * | |
Very Small Beer. | |
Newspaper items state that the editor of the Winterset (Iowa,) _Sun_, | |
is, probably, the smallest editor in the the world." Surely the editor | |
of the New York Sun must be the one meant. | |
* * * * * | |
"Well I'm Blowed!" | |
As the _omelette soufflee_ said to the cook. | |
* * * * * | |
[Illustration: AT THE SARATOGA CONVENTION. | |
_Horace Greeley, (to Roscoe Conkling.)_ "DON'T BE RASH, NOW REMEMBER | |
THAT A SOFT ANSWER TURNETH AWAY WRATH." | |
_Roscoe Conkling_. "LET US HAVE PEACE, BY ALL MEANS: BUT IF THAT FELLOW | |
REUBE FENTON INTERFERES WITH ME, HE HAD BETTER LOOK OUT THAT I DON'T | |
SMASH HIS SLATE."] | |
* * * * * | |
HIRAM GREEN TO NAPOLEON. | |
Napoleon I and Napoleon III--Lager-Beer a Formidable Enemy to Overcome. | |
SKEENSBORO, NYE ONTO VARMONT, | |
_Orgust--, 18-Seventy._ | |
FRIEND LEWIS: As I haint got no anser to my last letter which I rote to | |
your royal magesty a few weeks ago, it has occurred to me, that maybe | |
you don't feel well about these days, or, just as like as not our | |
"Cousin German," FRITZ, mite have been mean enuff as to gobble up your | |
male bag, and steel my letter to put into his outograf album. I now take | |
my pen in hand to inform you, that Ime as sound as a Saddle Rock oyster, | |
and hope these few lines may find you enjoyin' the same blessin. | |
Numerous changes have taken place since your _grand invasion_ of German | |
sile. | |
It has certinly been very kind in your Dutch friends to save you a long | |
jerney to fite them. | |
Insted of puttin' you to the trouble of goin' away from home for a | |
little excitement, you can set rite in the heart of your own country, | |
and enjoy the fun. | |
A man by the name of NERO, was once said to do some tall fiddlin' when | |
Rome was burnin'. | |
While the patriotic fires of your people is clusterin' around you (?) my | |
advice is, to cote the words of Unkle EDWARD: | |
"Hang up your fiddle and your bow, | |
Lay down your shovel and the hoe. | |
Where the woodbine twineth | |
There's a place for Unkle LEW, | |
With UGEENY and little LEWIS for to go." | |
The foregoin' is rather more sarcastikle than troothful. | |
It laserates my venerable heart-strings, most noble Pea-cracker, to see | |
how you've been lickt. | |
You have probly found out by this time, that the mantle of your grate | |
unkle has passed into the hands of some other family. | |
The grate BONYPART was called the Gray Eyed man of Destiny, altho' I | |
don't know what country that is in, as the village of Destiny haint on | |
any of the war maps. | |
I should judge, however, onless there is a change in the program, that | |
when this "cruel war is over," you will wear the belt as the champion | |
Black-eyed man of Urope. | |
Your so-called ascendant Star, is probly the identikle loominary which; | |
Perfesser DAN BRYANT refers so beautifully to, in his pome of "Shoo-fly." | |
It shone rather scrumpshus, in the dark, but the rays of the Sun has | |
nockt its twinkle hire'n GILDEROY'S kite. | |
Yes, Squire BONYPART, your star is the only planet whose eclips has been | |
visible to the naked eye, all over the world, and can be seen without | |
usin' smoked glass. | |
I think, in the beginnin' of the war, when you left UGEENY for Nancy, | |
that, like your Unkle, you made a bad go. | |
When the old man stuck to JOESFEEN he was a success. | |
Empires--Kingdoms--Pottentates and Hottentots, took the first train and | |
skedaddled, when the General sot his affeckshuns on their territory. | |
The BOURBONS fled and come over here and settled in Kentucky, and | |
commenced makin' whiskey, payin' a tax of $2.00 per gallon, and sellin' | |
the seductive flooid for $1.50 per gallon, gettin' rich at that, which | |
may surprise you, altho' it doesen't our Eternal Revenoo Offisers, who, | |
as Mr. ANTONY remarked of H. BEECHER STOW when she stabbed Lord Byron, | |
"are all _honorable_ men." | |
Finally BONYPART went back on JOSEFEEN, which made Mrs. B. scatter a few | |
buckets of tear drops. | |
Said your Unkle: | |
"What's the use of blubberin' about it? Cheer up and be a man. I belong, | |
body, sole and butes, to France, who says my name must be perpetuated. | |
You, JOSEFEEN, must pick up your duds and look for another | |
bordin'-house, for you can't run the Tooleries any longer." | |
He then sent to Chicago and got a ten dollar devorce, and married MARIAR | |
LOUISER, arter which he become a played-out institootion, employin' his | |
time walkin' _in solo_ with his hands behind him, gazin' intently on the | |
toes of his butes, and wonderin' if they was the same ones which had | |
histed so many roolers off of their thrones. | |
In view of the past, you should have stuck to UGEENY, who, I understand, | |
is good lookin' and sports a pretty nobby harness. | |
The charms of Nancy may make your Imperial mouth water, but let an old | |
statesman, who has served his country for 4 years as Gustise of the | |
Peece, say to you, "Don't be a fool if you know anything." | |
Another reason of your unsuccess is that Lager is a hard chap to fite | |
agin. I tried it once. | |
A Dutch millingtery company visited Skeensboro a few years since, for a | |
target shoot, bringin' a car lode of lager-beer and a box of sardeens | |
for refreshments. | |
I, bein' at that time Gustise, was on hand to help perserve the peece. | |
Lager, they told me, wasen't intoxicatin. I histed in a few mugs. I | |
woulden't just say that I got soggy, but I felt like a hul regiment of | |
Dutch soljers on general trainin' day. | |
It suddenly occurred to me that Mrs. GREEN had been puttin' on rather | |
too many airs lately, and I would go in and quietly remind her that I | |
was boss of the ranch. | |
Pickin' up a hoss-whip, I "shouldered arms," and entered the kitchen as | |
bold as the brave FISK of the bully 9th. | |
"MARIAR," said I, addressin' Mrs. GREEN, and tippin' over her pan of | |
dish-water so she coulden't wet my close, "yer 'aven't (hic!) tode the | |
mark as 'er troo (hic!) wife orter. I can't (hic!) 'ave any more of yer | |
(hic!) darn foolin'. Will yer (hic!) 'bey yer 'usband like a (hic!) man, | |
in the futer?" | |
I raised the hoss-whip to give her a good blow. She caught it on a fly | |
with both hands, as I lade down on the floor to convince my wife I was | |
in earnest in what I said. | |
Well, LEWIS, I remember feelin' as if I was put into a large bag with a | |
lot of saw logs, and was bein' viteally shoot up. I could also | |
distinguish my wife, flyin' about as if she had taken a contract for | |
thrashin' a lot of otes, and haden't but a few minnits to do it in, and | |
somehow I got it into my head that I was the otes. | |
I went to sleep in a cloud of hosswhips--hair and panterloon buttons | |
rapt up in a dilapidated soot of close. | |
When I awoke, I looked as if that Dutch millingtery Company had been | |
usin' me for a target, substitootin' my nose for the bull's eye. | |
I imejutly come to the conclusion, that to successfully buck agin | |
Lager-beer, was full as onhealthy as tryin' to get a seat in H. WARD | |
BEECHER'S church on Sunday mornin's, afore all the Pew-holders had got | |
in. | |
When you want an asilum to flee to, come to Skeensboro. | |
Altho' you have got the ship of State stuck in the mud, I think I can | |
get you a canal bote to run, where you can earn your $115.00 a month, | |
provided your wife will do the cookin' for the crew. | |
This is better than bein' throde onto the cold, cold charities of the | |
world, especially where a man has got the gout, for anything cold in apt | |
to bring on the pain and make him pe-uuk. | |
Hopin' that in the futer, as you grow older, you may lern wisdom by | |
cultivatin' my acquaintance--and with kind regards to UGEEN and bub | |
BONYPART, in your native tung I will say: | |
_Barn-sure, noblesse Pea-cracker._ | |
Ewer'n, one and onseperable, | |
HIRAM GREEN, Esq., | |
_Lait Gustise of the Peece._ | |
* * * * * | |
Bunsby's War Paint. | |
Napoleon's chances are not great | |
If German facts are true; | |
But if he finds not Paris Green | |
Hell make the Prussian Blue. | |
* * * * * | |
Remark by a Bandsman. | |
Once upon a time the French Horn was a famous instrument, but now, | |
considering the retreating strategy of the French leaders, it appears to | |
be superseded by the Off I Glide. | |
* * * * * | |
The Music of the Future. | |
Considering the enormous difficulties which stand in the way of the | |
performance of Herr WAGNER'S music, it is the music of the Few Sure | |
enough. | |
* * * * * | |
A Relic of the Past. | |
The following item is taken from a daily paper: | |
"The septuagenarian Dejazet sang the 'Marseillaise' at the Passy theatre | |
lately." | |
There seems to be a mistake, here. Surely the word Passy is meant for | |
_passee_. | |
* * * * * | |
[Illustration: PRECOCIOUS. | |
LITTLE FEMALE AMERICA, TOO, ASSERTS HER RIGHTS AND ESPECIALLY THE RIGHT | |
TO THE EXCLUSIVE USE OF THE SIDE-WALK FOR A ROPE-WALK."] | |
* * * * * | |
OUR PORTFOLIO. | |
"Well, you know, Dear Mr. PUNCHINELLOW, this is how CHARLEY DANY and me | |
cum to hev our fallin' out. We was boys together, was CHARLEY and me, | |
and went to the same school. CHARLEY were a likely lad there; never | |
given to spilin' the faces of t'other boys nor splashin' mud on their | |
clothes. Oh! but hasn't he gone back on them good old times. I wouldn't | |
hev' believed it, CHARLEY, no I wouldn't. | |
But, as I was sayin', he were a likely lad; studyin' hard, and often | |
tellin' me how he would one day come out at the head of the heap, | |
gradooatin' before the Squire's son, JACK BALDERBACK. Just about this | |
time I was tuk with the measles, and father died, and SALLIE got | |
married, and the old woman said to me: | |
"EPHRAIM, I think your school days is ended." And so they was. I never | |
went back again, and never saw CHARLEY these thirty-five years gone now, | |
'till t'other day. I went West in search of a livin', and he tuk onto | |
business here East. Wons't in a long time I heerd on him; how things | |
went well with him, and how he got up, up, up, till the ladder wasn't | |
big enough and he couldn't climb no higher. Folks said he was into the | |
war; but I didn't believe 'em. CHARLEY was a peace man, I knowed that. | |
Arterwards, howsumever, it cum out that it was the War Office he was | |
into, and not the war; and says I to myself, "EPHRAIM," says I, "didn't | |
I tell you so; and tell them so, and war'nt I right? I calkilate they | |
won't go back no more on what I says about CHARLEY DANY." | |
Well, dear Mr. PUNCHINELLOW, I was one day readin' of your paper, and I | |
comes onto sumthin' about sumbody, which it was as I spell it, "CHARLES | |
A. DANA," how he was a cuttin' up shines, and how you was a pokin' fun | |
and hard things at him. | |
I larfed right out. | |
"That's smart," says I, "Yes, that's smart; but it ain't onto _my_ | |
CHARLEY. He ain't stuck up nor nothing of that sort. He is as innocent | |
as gooseberries, is the CHARLEY DANY I know;" and arterwards I thought | |
no more about it, till I cum on to New York for to look into the cattle | |
business, and see how things was shapin for trade this winter. | |
I put up to the St. Nikkleas. Well, I allers larf when I think of it. | |
Here was an Irishman tuk my bag, slung it behind him, and says he to | |
me--"Foller me, if you please, sir." I follered accordin'. | |
I've clumb some pretty tall hills in my day, Mr. PUNCHINELLOW, but that | |
'ere gettin' up them stairs jest switches the rag off of all on 'em. I | |
broke down. Then he tuk me to a heister, and landed us next to the roof. | |
I was too pegged out to wash or fix, so I flung off my cowhides, jumped | |
onto the bed and slept clean through till next day. In the mornin' I | |
rigged up, went down stairs, and asked the clerk if he would be kind | |
enough to pint out to me where I might see CHARLEY DANY. He sort o' | |
smiled like, and said I would find him at the _Sun_ office. I paid two | |
dollars for a kab to take me down, which it did till we stopped afore a | |
big yaller house, with a big board stuck up agin it havin' these words: | |
+--------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| "EXTRA SUN!!! | | |
| | | |
| ELOPEMENT AT MURRAY HILL. | | |
| FULL HISTORY OF THE PARTIES. | | |
| INTERESTING CHAPTER OF FAMILY SECRETS. | | |
| WHO IS SHE AND WHY DID SHE DO IT? | | |
| GENERAL GRANT BUYS A SKYE TERRIER! | | |
| PARTICULARS OF THE SALE!! | | |
| GENEALOGY OF THE DOG!!! | | |
| SECRETARY FISH BOBBING FOR SPANISH EELS, | | |
| HE IS CAUGHT BY THE GILLS. | | |
| THE MINION OF SPANISH TYRANNY IN DISTRESS. | | |
| KITCHEN COUNCILS IN FIFTH AVENUE. | | |
| NOTES BY OUR KEYHOLE REPORTER. | | |
| BABY FOUND IN THE PRIVATE OFFICE OF A | | |
| LEADING EDITOR. | | |
| WHOSE IS IT AND HOW DID IT COME THERE? | | |
| INTERESTING DISCLOSURES OF A PROMINENT | | |
| MERCHANT'S LIFE!!! | | |
| FOR FULL DETAILS SEE EXTRA SUN, PRICE | | |
| TWO CENTS!" | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------+ | |
"Wonder if CHARLEY writ all that 'ere," says I, inwardly, inquirin' of a | |
boy where Mr. DANY'S particular holdin' out place might be, and givin' | |
him three cents to show me the way. Drawin' a quick breath, I knocked at | |
the door. "Come in," says a peskish voice. I cum in, and there, sure | |
enough, with nose close down to the desk, a writin' away for dear life, | |
sat CHARLEY. I knowed him to onc't, for all he was a little oldish, and | |
a little grayish, and had a bare spot like a turtle's back on the top of | |
his head. My heart cum' a bustin' up into my throat, and an inward voice | |
seemed to say: | |
"Do it now EPHRAIM, do it now, while the feeling is onto you." Jest then | |
he looked up, and I bust forth: "Oh, CHARLEY! CHARLEY! its a long time | |
sin' we met, CHARLEY. Don't you know me? Don't you remember little EPH | |
ECKELS? Oh! CHARLEY, CHARLEY, give us a grip of your knob, old | |
hunk"--and I slewed over towards him for to shake hands when he suddenly | |
drawed back, kinder gloomy like, putting down his pen and chewing his | |
gums sort of swagewise. as he said: | |
"My name, sir, is the Hon. CHARLES AUGUSTUS DANA, Ex-Assistant Secretary | |
of War, Ex-Proprietor of the ablest paper in the West, and at present | |
Chief Editor of the New York _Sun_, price two cents. There is no | |
individual here, sir, answering to the appellation of "Old Hunk," and, | |
as I perceive, sir, that there is a most infernal smell of cow yards | |
about your raiment, and the effluvia arising thence is becoming | |
insupportable, I would thank you to get out of this apartment double | |
quick, and I suggest for the sake of others who may be unfortunately | |
brought into contact with you, that my friend the Hon. WILLIAM MANHATTAN | |
TWEED has recently established public baths where such creatures as you | |
may undergo purification before venturing into the presence of | |
gentlemen." | |
It was CHARLEY who spoke it; Mr. PUNCHINELLOW, there is no doubt about | |
that; but the CHARLEY that I knew has been dead sin' that day. Yours in | |
memory-moram, | |
EPHRAIM ECKELS. | |
* * * * * | |
Horrors of War. | |
Much has been said about the Prussian "demonstrations" at Strasbourg. If | |
half what we hear of Prussian vandalism as displayed at the siege of | |
Strasbourg is true, "Demonstration" is a very appropriate term for the | |
thing. | |
* * * * * | |
OLIVE LOGAN. | |
We have no authentic record of the date of this fair syren's birth. It | |
is popularly supposed, however, that she was contemporaneous with | |
POCAHONTAS. POKY (as she was playfully called by her playmates at | |
boarding-school) is now dead. LOGY (another playful appellation of the | |
gushing miss alluded to) is still Olive. | |
We do not, however, credit the legend above cited. Also, we do not | |
credit the equally absurd and unreasonable story that our girlish gusher | |
is a daughter of a <DW64> preacher named LOGUEN. We look upon this as a | |
colorless aspersion of our subject's fair fame, and we therefore feel | |
called upon to politely but furiously hurl it back in the teeth of its | |
degraded and offensive inventor. Things are come indeed to a pretty pass | |
when a lady of Miss LOGAN'S position may have her good name blackened | |
(not to say sooted) by associating it with that of a preacher. Besides, | |
LOGUEN was himself born in 1800, and is therefore only seventy years | |
old. These things are not to be borne. | |
Miss LOGAN is seventeen years of age. This, at least, is reliable. We | |
have our information from the lips of an aunt of the Honorable HORATIUS | |
GREELEY, who met Miss LOGAN in Chicago in 1812, and wrung the confession | |
from the gifted lady herself. Mr. GREELEY'S aunt, we need not say, is | |
incapable of telling a lie. | |
At the early age of six weeks our illustrious victim made her first | |
appearance as a public speaker. This was at Faneuil Hall, Boston. She | |
was supported on that memorable occasion by a young and fascinating lady | |
by the name of ANTHONY (SUSAN.) SUSIE prophesied then, it will be | |
remembered, that the fair oratress would yet live to be President of the | |
United States and Canadas. Miss LOGAN, with her customary modesty, | |
declined to view the mysterious future in that puerile light, gracefully | |
suggesting, amid a brilliant outburst of puns, metaphors and amusing | |
anecdotes, that SUSIE distorted the facts. Miss ANTHONY, under a | |
mistaken impression that this referred to her peculiar mode of keeping | |
accounts, offered, with a wild shriek of despair and disgust, to exhibit | |
her books to an unprejudiced committee of her own sex, with WENDELL | |
PHILLIPS as chairwoman. (There is manifest inaccuracy in this account, | |
though, inasmuch as Mr. PHILLIPS was not yet born, at that time; but we | |
of course give the story as it is related to us by eye-witnesses.) Mr. | |
JOHN RUSSELL YOUNG, who was in the audience, rose and said that Miss | |
ANTHONY'S explanation was entirely sufficient, and that she might now | |
take her seat. The lecturer then proceeded to discuss her subject, | |
"Girls." She said-- | |
However, this is not a newspaper report, is it? | |
Soon after this, Louis PHILLIPPE invited Miss LOGAN to visit Paris. He | |
represented that he should consider it an honor at any time to welcome | |
the beautiful demoiselle to the palace of the Tuileries. He remarked in | |
a postscript that his dinner hour was twelve o'clock, noon, sharp, and | |
that his hired man had instructions to pass Miss LOGAN at any time. | |
Accordingly, our syren departed hungrily for the capital of the French. | |
Her career in Paris is well known to every mere ordinary schoolboy: | |
therefore, wherefore dwell? Madame DE STAEL'S dressmaker called on her. | |
A committee of strong-minded milliners solicited the honor of her | |
acquaintance. GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN proposed an alliance with her for the | |
purpose of hurling imperial jackassery from its tottering throne. Other | |
honors were conferred on her. | |
Returning to her native motherland in 1812, she once more resumed her | |
career as a public speakeristess. How wonderful that career has been, | |
does not the world know? If not, why not? She has lectured in | |
14,364,812,719 towns between San Francisco on the one hand and | |
California on the other. Upwards of fourteen million Young Men's | |
Christian Associations have crowded to hear her thrilling eloquence, and | |
lecture committees all over the land have grown fat and saucy on the | |
enormous profits yielded by her engagements. Country editors, who, | |
before speculating in tickets of admission, were without shoes to their | |
feet, have been suddenly converted into haughty despots and bloated | |
aristocrats by their prodigious gains. And Miss LOGAN herself is said to | |
be worth $250. | |
* * * * * | |
COMIC ZOOLOGY. | |
Genna, Corvus.--The Common Crow. | |
This Ravenous bird abounds in all temperate regions, and is a fowl of | |
sober aspect, although a Rogue in Grain. Crows, like time-serving | |
politicians, are often on the Fence, and their proficiency in the art of | |
Caw-cussing entitles them to rank with the Radical Spoilsmen denounced | |
by the sardonic DAWES. In time of war they haunt the battle-field with | |
the pertinacity of newspaper specials, and have a much more certain | |
method of making themselves acquainted with the Organization of military | |
Bodies than the gentlemen of the press who Pick the Brains of fugitives | |
from the field for their information. In time of peace the Crow leads a | |
comparatively quiet life, and it is no novel thing to see him walking in | |
the fields devouring with great apparent interest the Yellow-Covered | |
Cereals. Agriculturists have strong prejudices against the species, and | |
allege, not without reason, that large Crow Crops indicate diminished | |
harvests. The most persistent enemy of the Crow, however, is the martin, | |
which attacks it on the wing with unfaltering Pluck, and compels it to | |
show the White Feather. | |
This variety of the genus _corvus_ was well known to the ancients. Those | |
solemn Bores, the Latin augurs, were in the habit of foretelling the | |
triumph or downfall of the Roman Eagles by the flight of Crows, and St. | |
PETER was once convicted of three breaches of veracity by a Crow. The | |
bird has also been the theme of song--the carnivorous exploits of three | |
of the species having been repeatedly chanted by popular Minstrels. | |
A Greek author has described the Crow as a cheese-eater--but that's a | |
fable. Though fond of a Rare Bit of meat, it does not care a Mite for | |
Cheese. Nothing in the shape of flesh comes amiss to this rapacious | |
creature; yet, much as it enjoys the flavor of the human subject, it | |
relishes the _cheval mort_. During the late war, our government, with | |
exemplary liberality, purchased thousands of horses to feed the Southern | |
Crows. The consequence was that our Cavalry Charges were tremendous. | |
The appearance of the Crow is grave and clerical, but it is nevertheless | |
an Offal bird when engaged on a Tear. It generally goes in flocks, and | |
the prints of its feet may be seen not only on the face of the Country, | |
but in many instances on the faces of the inhabitants. Naturalists do | |
not class it with the edible fowls. There may be men who _can_ eat crow, | |
but nobody hankers after it. The story of the man who "swallowed three | |
black crows" lacks confirmation. Looking at the whole tribe from a | |
Ration-al point of view, however, we have no hesitation in pronouncing | |
them excellent food--for powder. In this category may be included the | |
copper- Crows on our Western frontier. | |
* * * * * | |
THE CHURCH MILITANT. | |
That Brooklyn is a City of Churches has long been known to people of | |
average intelligence. The following item, however, taken from a daily | |
paper, is very suggestive of the old saying, "The nearer the church," | |
etc. | |
"JOHN BEATY bit off WM. HARPER'S face in April last, at a church fight | |
in Brooklyn, and then went to sea. Last night he came back, and was | |
arrested by officer Fox, who will take him before Justice WALSH to-day. | |
HARPER is disfigured for life." | |
The matter-of-fact way in which the expression, "a church fight" is used | |
by the writer of the above item, seems to indicate that tabernacular | |
conflicts are rather the rule than the exception in "deeply religious" | |
Brooklyn. We were not prepared to expect, though, that theological | |
controversy ever ran further in Brooklyn than to the extent of "putting | |
a head on" one's antagonist, though now it appears that biting his face | |
off is more the thing. The statement that "HARPER is disfigured for | |
life," goes for nothing with us, as that depends altogether on what sort | |
of looking man he was previous to the removal of his features by means | |
of a dental apparatus. | |
* * * * * | |
[Illustration: THE "STERN PARENT. | |
_Daughter_ "WELL, TO TELL THE TRUTH, I DID NOT THINK MUCH OF THE CLOSE | |
OF THE SERMON." | |
_Father_. "PROBABLY YOU WERE THINKING MORE OF THE CLOTHES OF THE | |
CONGREGATION."] | |
* * * * * | |
THE WAR. | |
It is with feeling of intense satisfaction and self complacency, that | |
Mr. PUNCHINELLO submits to his readers the following despatches relative | |
to the Great Railroad War, which have been collected at a fabulous cost, | |
by a large corps of reporters and correspondents specially detailed for | |
the purpose. | |
WAR DECLARED! | |
ERIE PALACE.--It is rumored that the "unpleasantness" which has for some | |
time past existed between the rival powers of the Erie and the Central, | |
will shortly culminate in open hostilities. Col. FISK, assisted by | |
twelve secretaries, is said to be actively engaged in drawing up a | |
formal Declaration. Great enthusiasm prevails here. The Erie Galop and | |
FISK Guard March (price 50 cents, including full length portrait of | |
Capt. SPENCER,) are played nightly in the Opera House, and are | |
vociferously re-demanded. Every member of the Ninth has been notified to | |
hold himself in readiness to turn out at fifteen minutes' notice. | |
LATER. | |
"Erie accepts the war which VANDERBILT proffers her." The "Blonde | |
Usher," accompanied by an extensive retinue of brother ushers, will bear | |
the gauge of battle to the Tyrant of the Central. He will cast It boldly | |
at VANDERBILT'S feet. It is announced that he will proceed to his | |
destination by way of the Eighth Avenue Car Line. The reply of the | |
Hudson River potentate is looked forward to with great interest. | |
"CENTRAL" REPORTS. | |
VANDERBILT received the Declaration of War with seeming calm. On the | |
departure of the Erie Emissary, however, his fortitude forsook him; he | |
threw himself on the neck of a baggage porter and wept aloud. At a late | |
hour this evening a trusted agent left here for the _Tribune_ office. He | |
is said to have held a long conference with Mr. GREELEY, the particulars | |
of which have not transpired. It is supposed by many to portend an | |
alliance, offensive and defensive, between the King of Central and the | |
Philosopher of Printing-House Square. | |
FROM ERIE. | |
Activity is the order of the day here. Col. FISK'S $20,000 team went to | |
the front this morning. They are to be broken into the turmoil of war by | |
being led gently to and fro, before a Supreme Court injunction. A | |
Central spy, who was captured during the day, was immediately tried by | |
court-martial, and sentenced to be suspended from the flag-staff on top | |
of the building. He was executed at noon, a copy of the _Tribune_ being | |
tied to his feet, to add force to his fall and curtail his sufferings. | |
From legal documents found in his possession, the wretched being is | |
supposed to have been a minion of the law. The Narragansett and Long | |
Branch boats are being rapidly got ready for active service. Their | |
armament will consist of Parrott guns of large calibre. FISK says that | |
VANDERBILT will hear those Parrotts talk. | |
DESPATCHES FROM THE CENTRAL. | |
VANDERBILT is preparing for a grand flank movement upon the Erie forces. | |
He will transport passengers at one cent per head, insure their lives | |
for the trip, feed them on the way, and present them, on parting, with a | |
copy of H.G.'s paper. He has been reinforced by the _Tribune_, which | |
will continue to harass the enemy by attacks in the rear. | |
ADVICES FROM ERIE. | |
VICTORY!--By a well executed movement the Narragansett fleet under | |
command of Admiral Fisk, have succeeded in cutting off the _Tribune's_ | |
connection with Long Branch. A panic prevails in the _Tribune_ office. | |
HORACE GREELEY threatens, in retaliation, to lecture on farming along | |
the route of the Erie Railway, to the ruin of the agricultural interest | |
of the district. A meeting of prominent farmers has been convened to | |
protest against this outrage, and a strong body of Erie troops have been | |
sent to prevent H.G.'s advance. It is proposed, in case of attack, to | |
illuminate the Erie Palace by means of Colonel FISK'S big diamond, | |
which, it is estimated, would prove more powerful than a dozen calcium | |
lights. If this should not be dazzling enough, it is suggested that a | |
glimpse of the Colonel's $5,000 uniform might have the desired effect. | |
Amongst the novel instruments of warfare which the contest has given | |
birth to, is a new ball projected by the Prince of Erie. It will be | |
given at Long Branch, and will, no doubt, be very effective. | |
LATEST FROM LONG BRANCH. | |
As the Plymouth Rock was nearing the pier here this morning, an elderly | |
man, whose profane language had attracted the attention of the officers | |
of the vessel, was arrested by order of COL FISK. It proved to be the | |
sage of Chappaqua. He was attired in a clean shirt collar, by means of | |
which he no doubt hoped to avoid recognition. In his travelling bag was | |
found a tooth-brush and several copies of the _Tribune_. Upon being | |
tried and convicted of carrying contraband of war, he was sentenced to | |
give forthwith his reasons why J. C. BANCROFT DAVIS should not be | |
dismissed from his present office of Assistant Secretary of State. | |
FROM SARATOGA. | |
The news of Mr. GREELEY'S capture has affected the Commodore to such an | |
extent as to stretch him on a bed of sickness. JAY GOULD is reported | |
marching on Saratoga with a strong force. | |
LATEST--PEACE! | |
Central has capitulated! Erie is victorious! To-day a treaty is drawn up | |
by which everybody is made happy except Mr. GREELEY, who, it is | |
stipulated, must feign total ignorance of farming whenever he journeys | |
by the Erie Railway. | |
* * * * * | |
The place to look for them. | |
_The Sun_, a few days ago, had an editorial article about a reported | |
theft of a box containing four large boa-constrictors. Might not a | |
search in the editorial boots disclose the whereabouts of the missing | |
reptiles? | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| A. T. Stewart & Co. | | |
| | | |
| For the accommodation of Strangers have opened | | |
| A large and elegant assortment of | | |
| | | |
| DRESS GOODS, | | |
| | | |
| SILKS, | | |
| | | |
| PLAIN AND PLAID POPLINS, | | |
| | | |
| Empress Cloths, | | |
| | | |
| SATINS DE CHINE, | | |
| | | |
| NEW STYLE CLOAKINGS. | | |
| | | |
| Paris and Domestic Made Suits | | |
| Extremely cheap. | | |
| | | |
| Children's elegantly embroidered | | |
| CLOAKS, DRESSES, INFANTS' ROBES. | | |
| | | |
| Paris Novelties in | | |
| LADIES' BASQUES, SACQUES, &c. | | |
| | | |
| A large assortment of | | |
| Housekeeping Goods, | | |
| CARPETS AND CURTAIN MATERIALS, | | |
| EMBROIDERED LACE AND | | |
| MUSLIN CURTAINS, | | |
| LADIES' UNDERWEAR AND GENERAL | | |
| OUTFITTING. | | |
| HOSIERY. | | |
| | | |
| Alexandra's Celebrated Kid Gloves. | | |
| | | |
| Splendid quality and New Style | | |
| Sash Ribbons, Sashes, Neckties, Millinery, and Trimming | | |
| Ribbons, &c. | | |
| | | |
| The above have been received per recent steamers, | | |
| and will be offered | | |
| At extremely attractive prices. | | |
| Strangers visiting our city are respectfully invited | | |
| to examine. | | |
| | | |
| BROADWAY, | | |
| | | |
| 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| A. T. Stewart & Co. | | |
| | | |
| Are offering, at about one-half the cost of manufacture, | | |
| a large lot of | | |
| | | |
| Children's and Misses' | | |
| Plain, Chine and Plaid Poplin Suits, | | |
| | | |
| Handsomely Trimmed, | | |
| | | |
| Suitable for the present Season, $3 each, upwards. | | |
| | | |
| Sizes to suit the ages of 3 to 12 years. | | |
| | | |
| Also, the balance of their | | |
| | | |
| Linen, Lawn, and Barege Suits. | | |
| | | |
| At exceedingly low prices. | | |
| | | |
| The above specially deserves the attention of those | | |
| visiting out city. | | |
| | | |
| BROADWAY, | | |
| | | |
| 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| A. T. STEWART & Co. | | |
| | | |
| have opened a large assortment of | | |
| | | |
| PLAIN AND FANCY SILKS, | | |
| | | |
| Suitable for Autumn, | | |
| | | |
| From $1 per yard upward. | | |
| | | |
| Also, a case of | | |
| Very Rich Satin Brocatelles, | | |
| | | |
| The choicest goods manufactured. | | |
| | | |
| BONNET'S, PONSON'S AND A. T. STEWART & Co.'s | | |
| | | |
| PLAIN BLACK SILKS, | | |
| | | |
| The handsomest goods imported. | | |
| | | |
| TRIMMINGS, SILKS AND SATINS. | | |
| | | |
| In great variety, | | |
| | | |
| Cut to suit customers. | | |
| | | |
| BROADWAY, | | |
| | | |
| 4TH AVE., 9TH AND 10TH STREETS. | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| PUNCHINELLO. | | |
| | | |
| The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical | | |
| Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The | | |
| Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the | | |
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| published in America. | | |
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| A copy of paper for one year and either of the | | |
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| PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | | |
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| P.O. Box 2783. | | |
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| No. 83 Nassau Street, New York. | | |
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+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
[Illustration: DIVORCES READY MADE. | |
_Lawyer_--"A DIVORCE, MADAM?--CERTAINLY, BY ALL MEANS. BOY, GIVE THE | |
LADY A DIVORCE."] | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| "The Printing House of the United States." | | |
| | | |
| GEO. F. NESBITT & CO., | | |
| | | |
| General JOB PRINTERS, | | |
| BLANK BOOK Manufacturers, | | |
| STATIONERS. Wholesale and Retail. | | |
| LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers. | | |
| COPPER-PLATE Engravers and Printers, | | |
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| ADVANTAGES.--All at the same premises, and under | | |
| immediate supervision of the proprietors. | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| Tourists and Pleasure Travelers | | |
| | | |
| will be glad to learn that that the Erie Railway Company has | | |
| prepared | | |
| | | |
| COMBINATION EXCURSION or Round Trip Tickets, | | |
| | | |
| Valid during the the entire season, and embracing | | |
| Ithaca--headwaters of Cayuga Lake--Niagara Falls, Lake | | |
| Ontario, the River St. Lawrence, Montreal, Quebec, Lake | | |
| Champlain, Lake George, Saratoga, the White Mountains, and | | |
| all principal points of interest in Northern New York, the | | |
| Canadas, and New England. Also similar Tickets at reduced | | |
| rates, through Lake Superior, enabling travelers to visit | | |
| the celebrated Iron Mountains and Copper Mines of that | | |
| region. By applying at the Offices of the Erie Railway Co., | | |
| Nos. 241, 529, and 957 Broadway; 205 Chambers St.; 33 | | |
| Greenwich St.; cor. 125th St. and Third Avenue, Harlem; 338 | | |
| Fulton St., Brooklyn; Depots foot of Chambers Street, and | | |
| foot of 23rd St., New York; No. 3 Exchange Place, and Long | | |
| Dock Depot, Jersey City, and the Agents at the principal | | |
| hotels, travelers can obtain just the Ticket they desire, as | | |
| well as all the necessary information. | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
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| PRANG'S LATEST PUBLICATIONS: "Wild Flowers," "Water-Lilies," | | |
| "Chas. Dickens." | | |
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| PRANG'S ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE sent free on receipt of stamp. | | |
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+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
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| PUNCHINELLO. | | |
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| With a large and varied experience in the management and | | |
| publication of a paper of the class herewith submitted, and | | |
| with the still more positive advantage of an Ample Capital | | |
| to justify the undertaking, the | | |
| | | |
| PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO. | | |
| | | |
| OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK, | | |
| | | |
| Presents to the public for approval, the new | | |
| | | |
| ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL | | |
| | | |
| WEEKLY PAPER, | | |
| | | |
| PUNCHINELLO, | | |
| | | |
| The first number of which was issued under date of April 2. | | |
| | | |
| ORIGINAL ARTICLES, | | |
| | | |
| Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs, or suggestive | | |
| ideas or sketches for illustrations, upon the topics of the | | |
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| or paper, price, $2.50, for................... $5.50 | | |
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| No. 83 Nassau Street, | | |
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| P. O. Box, 2783, NEW YORK. | | |
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+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. | | |
| | | |
| The New Burlesque Serial, | | |
| | | |
| Written expressly for PUNCHINELLO, | | |
| | | |
| BY | | |
| | | |
| OEPHEUS C. KERR, | | |
| | | |
| Commenced in No. 11, will be continued weekly throughout the | | |
| year. | | |
| | | |
| A sketch of the eminent author, written by his bosom friend, | | |
| with superb illustrations of | | |
| | | |
| 1ST. THE AUTHOR'S PALATIAL RESIDENCE AT BEGAD'S HILL, | | |
| TICKNOR'S FIELDS, NEW JERSEY | | |
| | | |
| 2D. THE AUTHOR AT THE DOOR OF SAID PALATIAL RESIDENCE, taken | | |
| as he appears "Every Saturday," will also be found in the | | |
| same number. | | |
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| Those desirous of receiving the paper containing this new | | |
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| ORPHEUS C. KERR, should subscribe now, to insure its regular | | |
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| We will send the first Ten Numbers of PUNCHINELLO to any one | | |
| who wishes to see them, in view of subscribing, on the | | |
| receipt of SIXTY CENTS. | | |
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| Address, | | |
| | | |
| PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, | | |
| | | |
| P. O. Box 2783. 83 Nassau St., New York | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
* * * * * | |
GEO. W. WHEAT & CO, PRINTERS, No. 8 SPRUCE STREET. | |
End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 25, September | |
17, 1870, by Various | |
*** |