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Produced by Joshua Hutchinson, Steve Schulze | |
and PG Distributed Proofreaders | |
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| PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | | |
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| 83 Nassau Street, New York City. | | |
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Vol. I. No. 23. | |
PUNCHINELLO | |
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 1870. | |
PUBLISHED BY THE | |
PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, | |
83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK. | |
* * * * * | |
THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD, By ORPHEUS C. KERR, | |
Continued in this Number. | |
* * * * * | |
See 15th page for Extra Premiums. | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| $47,000 REWARD. | | |
| | | |
| PROCLAMATION. | | |
| | | |
| The Murder of Mr. Benjamin Nathan. | | |
| | | |
| The widow having determined to increase the rewards | | |
| heretofore offered by me (in my proclamation of July 29), | | |
| and no result having yet been obtained, and suggestions | | |
| having been made that the rewards were not sufficiently | | |
| distributive or specific, the offers in the previous | | |
| proclamation are hereby superseded by the following: | | |
| | | |
| A REWARD of $30,000 will be paid for the arrest and | | |
| conviction of the murderer of BENJAMIN NATHAN, who was | | |
| killed in hie house, No. 12 West Twenty-third Street, New | | |
| York, on the morning of Friday, July 29. | | |
| | | |
| A REWARD of $1,000 will be paid for the identification and | | |
| recovery of each and every one of the three Diamond Shirt | | |
| Studs which were taken from the clothing of the deceased on | | |
| the night of the murder. Two of the diamonds weighed, | | |
| together, 1, 1/2, and 1/3, and 1-16 carats, and the other, a | | |
| flat stone, showing nearly a surface of one carat, weighed | | |
| 3/4 and 1-32. All three were mounted in skeleton settings, | | |
| with spiral screws, but the color of the gold setting of the | | |
| flat diamond was not so dark as the other two. | | |
| | | |
| A REWARD of $1,500 will be paid for the identification and | | |
| recovery of one of the watches, being the Gold anchor | | |
| Hunting-case Stem-winding Watch, No. 5657, 19 lines, or | | |
| about two inches in diameter, made by Ed. Perregaux; or for | | |
| the Chain and Seals thereto attached. The Chain is very | | |
| massive, with square links, and carries a Pendant Chain with | | |
| two seals, one of them having the monogram "B.N.," cut | | |
| thereon. | | |
| | | |
| A REWARD of $300 will be given for information leading to | | |
| the identification and recovery of an old-fashioned | | |
| open-faced Gold Watch, with gold dial, showing rays | | |
| diverging from the center, and with raised figures; believed | | |
| to have been made by Tobias, and which was taken at the same | | |
| time as the above articles. | | |
| | | |
| A REWARD of $300 will be given for the recovery of a Gold | | |
| Medal of about the size of a silver dollar, and which bears | | |
| an inscription of presentation not precisely known, but | | |
| believed to be either "To Sampson Simpson, President of the | | |
| Jews' Hospital," or, "To Benjamin Nathan, President of the | | |
| Jews' Hospital." | | |
| | | |
| A REWARD of $100 will be given for full and complete | | |
| detailed information descriptive of this medal, which may be | | |
| useful in securing its recovery. | | |
| | | |
| A REWARD of $1,000 will be given for information leading to | | |
| the identification of the instrument used in committing the | | |
| murder, which is known as a "dog" or clamp, and is a piece | | |
| of wrought iron about sixteen inches long, turned up for | | |
| about an inch at each end, and sharp; such as is used by | | |
| ship-carpenters, or post-trimmers, ladder-makers, | | |
| pump-makers, sawyers, or by iron-moulders to clamp their | | |
| flasks. | | |
| | | |
| A REWARD of $800 will be given to the man who, on the | | |
| morning of the murder, was seen to ascend the steps and pick | | |
| up a piece of paper lying there, and then walk away with it, | | |
| if he will come forward and produce it. | | |
| | | |
| Any information bearing upon the case may be sent to the | | |
| Mayor, John Jourdan, Superintendent of Police City of New | | |
| York; or to James J. Kelso, Chief Detective Officer. | | |
| | | |
| A. OAKEY HALL, MAYOR. | | |
| | | |
| The foregoing rewards are offered by the request of, and are | | |
| guaranteed by me. | | |
| | | |
| Signed, EMILY G. NATHAN, | | |
| | | |
| Widow of B. NATHAN. | | |
| | | |
| The following reward has also been offered by the New York | | |
| Stock Exchange: | | |
| | | |
| $10,000.--The New York Stock Exchange offers a reward of Ten | | |
| Thousand Dollars for the arrest and conviction of the | | |
| murderer or murderers of Benjamin Nathan, late a member of | | |
| said Exchange, who was killed on the night of July 28, 1870, | | |
| at his house in Twenty-third street. New York City. | | |
| | | |
| J. L. BROWNELL, Vice-Chairman | | |
| | | |
| Gov. Com. | | |
| | | |
| D. C. HAYS, Treasurer. | | |
| B. O. WHITE, Secretary. | | |
| MAYOR'S OFFICE, New York, August 5, 1870. | | |
| | | |
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| TO NEWS-DEALERS. | | |
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| Punchinello's Monthly. | | |
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| The Weekly Numbers for July. | | |
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Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the | |
PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, in the Clerk's Office of the District | |
Court of the United States, for the Southern District of New York. | |
* * * * * | |
THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD: | |
AN ADAPTATION. | |
BY ORPHEUS C. KERR. | |
CHAPTER XVI. | |
AVUNCULAR DEVOTIO | |
Having literally _fallen_ asleep from his chair to the rug, J. BUMSTEAD, | |
Esquire, was found to have reached such an extraordinary depth in | |
slumber, that Mr. and Mrs. SMYTHE, his landlord and landlady, who were | |
promptly called in by Mr. DIBBLE, had at first some fear that they | |
should never be able to drag him out again. In pursuance, however, of a | |
mode of treatment commended to their judgment, by frequent previous | |
practice with the same patient, the good couple poured a pitcher of | |
water over his fallen head; hauled him smartly up and down the room, | |
first by a hand and then by a foot; singed his whiskers with a hot | |
poker, held him head-downward for a time, and tried various other | |
approved allopathic remedies. Seeing that he still slept profoundly, | |
though appearing, by occasional movements of his arms, to entertain | |
certain passing dreams of single combats, the quick womanly wit of Mrs. | |
SMYTHE finally hit upon the homoeopathic expedient of softly shaking his | |
familiar antique flask at his right ear. Scarcely had the soft, liquid | |
sound therefrom resulting been addressed for a minute to the auricular | |
orifice, when a singularly pleasing smile wreathed the countenance of | |
the Ritualistic organist, his eyelids flew up like the spring-covers of | |
two valuable hunting-case watches, and he suddenly arose to a sitting | |
position upon the rug and began feeling around for the bed-clothes. | |
"There!" cried Mrs. SMYTHE, greatly affected by his pathetic expression | |
of countenance, "you're all right now, sir. How worn-out you must have | |
been, to sleep so!" | |
"Do you always go to sleep with such alarming suddenness?" asked Mr. | |
DIBBLE. | |
"When I have to go anywhere, I make it a rule to go at once:--similarly, | |
when going to sleep," was the answer. "Excuse me, however, for keeping | |
you waiting, Mr. DIBBLE. We've had quite a rain, sir." | |
His hair, collar, and shoulders being very wet from the water which had | |
been poured upon him during his slumber, Mr. BUMSTEAD, in his present | |
newly-awake frame of mind, believed that a hard shower had taken place, | |
and thereupon turned moody. | |
"We've had quite a rain, sir, since I saw you last," he repeated, | |
gloomily, "and I am freshly reminded of my irreparable loss." | |
"Such an open, spring-like character!" apostrophized the lawyer, staring | |
reflectively into the grate. | |
"Always open when it rained, and closing with a spring," said Mr. | |
BUMSTEAD, in soft abstraction lost. | |
"_Who_ closed with a spring?" queried the elder man, irascibly. | |
"The umbrella," sobbed JOHN BUMSTEAD. | |
"I was speaking of your nephew, sir!" was Mr. DIBBLE'S impatient | |
explanation. | |
Mr. BUMSTEAD stared at him sorrowfully for a moment, and then requested | |
Mrs. SMYTHE to step to a cupboard in the next room and immediately pour | |
him out a bottle of soda-water which she should find there. | |
"Won't you try some?" he asked the lawyer, rising limply to his feet | |
when the beverage was brought, and drinking it with considerable noise. | |
"No, thank you," returned Mr. DIBBLE. | |
"As you please, then," said the organist, resignedly. "Only, if you have | |
a headache don't blame me. (Mr. and Mrs. SMYTHE, you may place a few | |
cloves where I can get them, and retire.) What you have told me, Mr. | |
DIBBLE, concerning the breaking of the engagement between your ward and | |
my nephew, relieves my mind of a load. As a right-thinking man, I can no | |
longer suspect you of having killed EDWIN DROOD." | |
"Suspect ME?" screamed the aged lawyer, almost leaping into the air. | |
"Calm yourself," observed Mr. BUMSTEAD, quietly, the while he ate a | |
sedative clove. "I say that I can _not_ longer suspect you. I can not | |
think that a person of your age would wantonly destroy a human life | |
merely to obtain an umbrella." | |
Absolutely purple in the face, Mr. DIBBLE snatched his hat from a chair | |
just as the Ritualistic organist was about to sit upon it, and was on | |
the point of hurrying wrathfully from the room, when the entrance of | |
Gospeler SIMPSON arrested him. | |
Noting his agitation, Mr. BUMSTEAD instantly resolved to clear him from | |
suspicion in the new-comer's mind also. | |
"Reverend Sir," he said to the Gospeler, quickly, "in this sad affair we | |
must be just, as well as vigilant I believe Mr. DIBBLE to be as innocent | |
as ourselves. Whatever may be his failings so far as liquor is | |
concerned, I wholly acquit him of all guilty knowledge of my nephew and | |
umbrella." | |
Too apoplectic with suffocating emotions to speak, Mr. DIBBLE foamed | |
slightly at the month and tore out a lock or two of his hair. | |
"And I believe that my unhappy pupil, Mr. PENDRAGON, is as guiltless," | |
responded the puzzled Gospeler. "I do not deny that he had a quarrel | |
with Mr. DROOD, in the earlier part of their acquaintance; but, as you, | |
Mr. BUMSTEAD, yourself, admit, their meeting at the Christmas-Eve dinner | |
was amicable; as I firmly believe their last mysterious parting to have | |
been." | |
The organist raised his fine head from the shadow of his right hand, in | |
which it had rested for a moment, and said, gravely: "I cannot deny, | |
gentlemen, that I have had my terrible distrusts of you all. Even now, | |
while, in my deepest heart, I release Mr. DIBBLE and Mr. PENDRAGON from | |
all suspicion, I cannot entirely rid my mind of the impression that you, | |
Mr. SIMPSON, in an hour when, from undue indulgence in stimulants, you | |
were not wholly yourself, may have been tempted, by the superior | |
fineness of the alpaca, to slay a young man inexpressibly dear to us | |
all." | |
"Great heavens, Mr. BUMSTEAD!" panted the Gospeler, livid with horror, | |
"I never--" | |
--"Not a word, sir!" interrupted the Ritualistic organist,--"not a word, | |
Reverend sir, or it may be used against you at your trial." | |
Pausing not to see whether the equally overwhelmed old lawyer followed | |
him, the horribly astounded Gospeler burst precipitately from the house | |
in wild dismay, and was presently hurrying past the pauper | |
burial-ground. Whether he had been drawn to that place by some one of | |
the many mystic influences moulding the fates of men, or because it | |
happened to be on his usual way home, let students of psychology and | |
topography decide. Thereby he was hurrying, at any rate, when a shining | |
object lying upon the ground beside the broken fence, caused him to stop | |
suddenly and pick up the glittering thing. It was an oroide watch, | |
marked E.D.; and, a few steps further on, a coppery-looking seal-ring | |
also attracted the finder's grasp. With these baubles in his hand the | |
genial clergyman was walking more slowly onward, when it abruptly | |
occurred to him, that his possession of such property might possibly | |
subject him to awkward consequences if he did not immediately have | |
somebody arrested in advance. Perspiring freely at the thought, he | |
hurried to his house, and, there securing the company of MONTGOMERY | |
PENDRAGON, conveyed his beloved pupil at once before Judge SWEENEY, and | |
made affidavit of finding the jewelry. The jeweler, who had wound EDWIN | |
DROOD'S watch for him on the day of the dinner, promptly identified the | |
timepiece by the innumerable scratches around the keyhole; Mr. BUMSTEAD, | |
though at first ecstatic with the idea that the seal-ring was a ferule | |
from an umbrella, at length allowed himself to be persuaded into a | |
gloomy recognition of it as a part of his nephew, and MONTGOMERY was | |
detained in custody for further revelations. | |
News of the event circulating, the public mind of Bumsteadville lost no | |
time in deploring the incorrigible depravity of Southern character, and | |
recollecting several horrors of human Slavery. It was now clearly | |
remembered that there had once been rumors of terrible cruelties by a | |
PENDRAGON family to an aged <DW52> man of great piety; who, because he | |
incessantly sang hymns in the cotton-field, was sent to a field farther | |
from the PENDRAGON mansion, and ultimately died. Citizens reminded each | |
other, that when, during the rebellion, a certain PENDRAGON of the | |
celebrated Southern Confederacy met a former religious chattel of his | |
confronting him with a bayonet in the loyal ranks, and immediately | |
afterwards felt a cold, tickling sensation under one of his ribs, he | |
drew a pistol upon the member of the injured race, who subsequently died | |
in Ohio of fever and ague. What wonder was it, then, that this young | |
PENDRAGON with an Indian club and a swelled head should secretly | |
slaughter the nephew and appropriate the umbrella of one of the most | |
loyal and devoted Ritualists that ever sent a substitute to battle? In | |
the mighty metropolis, too, the Great Dailies--those ponderous engines | |
of varied and inaccurate intelligence--published detailed and mistaken | |
reports of the whole affair, and had subtle editorial theories as to the | |
nature of the crime. The _Sun,_ after giving a cut of an old-fashioned | |
parlor-grate as a diagram of Mr. BUMSTEAD'S house, and a portrait of Mr. | |
JOHN RUSSELL YOUNG as a correct photograph of the alleged murderer by | |
ROCKWOOD, said:--"The retention of Mr. FISH as Secretary of State by the | |
present venal Administration, and the official countenance otherwise | |
corruptly given to friends of Spanish tyranny who do not take the _Sun,_ | |
are plainly among the current encouragements to such crime as that in | |
the full reporting of which to-day the _Sun's_ advertisements are | |
crowded down to a single page, as usual. Judge CONNOLLY, after walking | |
all the way from Yorkville, agrees with the _Sun_ in believing, that | |
something more than an umbrella tempted this young MONTMORENCY PADREGON | |
to waylay EDWIN WOOD. To-morrow we shall give the public still further | |
exclusive revelations, such as the immense circulation of the New York | |
_Sun_ enables us especially to obtain. On this, as upon every occasion | |
of the publication of the _Sun,_ we shall leave out columns upon columns | |
of profitable advertising, in order that no reader of the _Sun_ shall be | |
stinted in his criminal news. The _Sun_ (price two cents) has never yet | |
been bought by advertisers, and never will be." The _Tribune_ said: | |
"What time the reader can spare from perusing our special dispatches | |
concerning the progress of Smalleyism in Europe, shall, undoubtedly, be | |
given to our female-reporter's account of the alleged tragedy at | |
Bumperville. There are reasons of manifest propriety to restrain us, as | |
superior journalists, from the sensational theorizing indulged by | |
editors choosing to expend more care and money upon local news than upon | |
European rumors; but we may not injudiciously hazard the assumption, | |
that, were the police under any other than Democratic domination, such a | |
murder as that alleged to have been committed by MANTON PENJOHNSON on | |
BALDWIN GOOD had not been possible. PENJOHNSON, it shall be noticed, is | |
a Southerner, while young GOOD was strongly Northern in sentiment; and | |
it requires no straining of a point to trace in these known facts a | |
sectional antagonism to which even a long war has not yielded full | |
sanguinary satiation." The _World_ said: "_Acerrima proximorum odia;_ | |
and, under the present infamous Radical abuse of empire, the hatred | |
between brothers, first fostered by the eleutheromaniacs of | |
Abolitionism, is bearing its bitter fruit of private assassination at | |
last. Somewhere amongst our _loci communes_ of to-day may be found a | |
report of the supposed death, at Hampsteadville (_not_ Bumperville, as a | |
radical contemporary has it,) of a young Northerner named GOODWIN BLOOD, | |
at the hands of a Southern gentleman belonging to the stately old | |
Southern family of PENTORRENS. The PENTORRENS' are related, by old | |
cavalier stock, to the Dukes of Mandeville, whose present ducal | |
descendant combines the elegance of an Esterhazy with the intellect of | |
an Argyle. That a scion of such blood as this has reduced a fellow-being | |
to a condition of inanimate protoplasm, is to be regretted for his sake; | |
but more for that of a country in which the philosophy of COMTE finds in | |
a corrupt radical pantarchy all-sufficient first-cause of whatsoever is | |
rotten in the State of Denmark." The Times said: "We give no details of | |
the Burnstableville tragedy to-day, not being willing to pander to a | |
vitiated public taste; but shall do so to-morrow." | |
After reading these articles in the Great Dailies with considerable | |
distraction, and inferring therefrom, that at least three different | |
young Southerners had killed three different young Northerners in three | |
different places on Christmas-Eve, Judge SWEENEY had a rush of blood to | |
the brain, and discharged MONTGOMERY PENDRAGON as a person of | |
undistinguishable identity. But, when set at large, the helpless youth | |
could not turn a corner without meeting some bald-headed reporter who | |
raised the cry of "Stop thief!" if he sought to fly, and, if he paused, | |
interviewed him in a magisterial manner, and almost tearfully implored | |
him to Confess his crime in time for the Next Edition. | |
Father DEAN, Ritual Rector of St. Cow's, meeting Gospeler SIMPSON upon | |
one of their daily strolls through the snow, said to him: | |
"This young man, your pupil, has sinned, it appears, and a Ritualistic | |
church, Mr. Gospeler, is no sanctuary for sinners." | |
"I cannot believe that the sin is his, Holy Father," answered the | |
Reverend OCTAVIUS, respectfully: "but, even if it is, and he is | |
remorseful for it, should not our Church cover him with her wings?" | |
"There are no wings to St. Cow's yet," returned the Father, | |
coldly,--"only the main building; and that is too small to harbor any | |
sinner who has not sufficient means to build a wing or two for himself." | |
"Then," said the Gospeler, bowing his head and speaking slowly, "I | |
suppose he must go to the Other Church." | |
"What Other church?" | |
The Gospeler raised his hat and spoke reverently:-- | |
That which is all of God's world outside this little church of ours. | |
That in which the Altar is any humble spot pressed by the knees of the | |
Unfortunate. That in which the priest is whoso doeth a good, unselfish | |
deed, even if in the shadow of the scaffold. That in which the anthem of | |
visible charity for an erring brother sinks into the listening soul an | |
echo of an unseen Father's pity and forgiveness, and the choral service | |
is the music of kind words to all who ever found but unkind words | |
before." | |
"You must mean the Church of the Pooritans," said the Ritual Rector. | |
So, MONTGOMERY PENDRAGON went forth from Gospeler's Gulch to seek harbor | |
where he might; and, a day or two afterwards, Mr. BUMSTEAD exhibited to | |
Mr. SIMPSON the following entry in his famous Diary. | |
"No signs of that umbrella yet. Since the discovery of the watch and | |
seal-ring, I am satisfied that my umbrella, only, was the temptation of | |
the murderer. I now swear that I will no more discuss either my nephew | |
or my umbrella with any living soul, until I have found once more the | |
familiar boyish form and alpaca canopy, or brought vengeance upon him | |
through whom I am nephewless and without protection in the rain." | |
(_To be Continued._) | |
* * * * * | |
CHINCAPIN AMONG THE FREE LOVERS. | |
MR. PUNCHINELLO: When Oratory, rising to its loftiest flights upon the | |
wings of Buncombe, denounces with withering scorn the effete and | |
tyrannical monarchies of Europe, and proclaims the glorious fact that | |
this is a Free Country, Fellow Citizens! it hardly does us justice. We | |
are not only free, Mr. PUNCHINELLO, we are Free and Easy, sir. Breathes | |
there a man so tortuously afflicted with Strabismus that he doesn't see | |
it? If such there be let him go and visit the Oneida Community. | |
Last week I took a run down to Oneida myself. I found the Communists a | |
very Social crowd, I can assure you. PROUDHON himself might be proud of | |
such disciples, and DESIDERANT find nothing there to be Desiderated. The | |
Communists divide everything equally, particularly the Affections, so | |
there are no Better Halves among them. In Utah, you are aware, Mr. | |
PUNCHINELLO, the women are Sealed to the men, but among these people | |
they are not even Wafered. Your Own IDA may be anybody else's in the | |
Oneida Community. The only individuals that object to Dividing are the | |
children, who are generally opposed to Division, both long and Short, as | |
well as to Fractions. | |
Infants don't go for much among the Free Lovers, and are Put Out--to | |
Nurse. After the age of Fifteen months they are surrendered by their | |
Ma's to the Charge of the Two Hundred (the number of men and women in | |
the Community,) who become their common parents, and the infants become | |
common property. The domestic arrangements are entrusted to two females, | |
who are called the "Mothers of the Community." But whether these dual | |
Mothers Do All the Nursing I am unable to say. | |
I had a little conversation with the Eminent and Aged Free Lover who | |
acted as my guide, and I give it in the manner of the "interviewing | |
reporter." | |
CHINC. Venerable Seer, tip us your views on the subject of Love. | |
AGED FREE-LOVER Do you then take an Interest in our Principles? | |
CHINC. (Dubiously.) Then you _have_-- | |
A. F. L. Yes, of our own. They are not those of a prejudiced Wor-r-r-ld. | |
Our principles are Embraced in the Communism of Love and Passional | |
Attraction. | |
CHINC. (Confidently.) Ah, yes; of course--you are Free Lovers. | |
A. F. L. Sir-r-r? | |
CHINC. (Much abashed.) Excuse me. I am young, inexperienced, and but | |
slightly acquainted with the Dictionary. | |
A. P. L. So I see. Know, young man, that we scorn and repudiate the name | |
of Free Lovers as applied to us by the newspapers. It is true we believe | |
that Love should be untrammelled by the Hateful Bonds of Marriage. With | |
us a Lady may have an affinity for any number of gentlemen, and | |
vice-versa. But we are not Free Lovers. | |
CHINC. Oh, no! Not by no means. Not any. | |
A. F. L. (Growing eloquent.) We have only advanced from the simple to | |
the more complex form of matrimony. Why should not the faithfulness | |
which constitutes the wretchedly exclusive dual Marriage of the | |
Wor-r-r-ld exist as well between Two Hundred as between two? Why? | |
CHINC. Why, O why? But there may be reasons-- | |
A.F.L. Young Man, reared in the hateful prejudices of an Unprogressive | |
Wor-r-ld, there air none. | |
CHINC. This system, as you, Ancient Person, observe, is much complexed. | |
Do I, then, understand you that a woman may have fifty affinities and | |
yet be faithful to each? | |
A.F.L. Yes, my son, any number. This plurality of affinities you of | |
course cannot appreciate. A prejudiced Wor-r-r-ld cannot understand the | |
Bond of Union which connects all the Brothers and Sisters in a Spiritual | |
Marriage. The results of the complex system are-- | |
CHINC. (Interrupting.) I--I--fear the complexity of your system is one | |
too many for me. I feel that my Brow cannot stand the pressure. I must | |
away. Farewell, old man--Adieu! | |
Such, Mr. PUNCHINELLO, is briefly the Free and Easy Doctrine of Natural | |
Affinity and Passional Attraction. I have no doubt there are some | |
illiberal Persons who would give it a much harsher name. For myself, I | |
believe in the Biggest kind of Liberty, but not for the Biggest kind of | |
Libertines. Reverentially yours, | |
CHINCAPIN. | |
* * * * * | |
[Illustration: LACONIC, BUT EXPRESSIVE. | |
SCENE: NEIGHBORHOOD OF THE FIVE POINTS | |
_First Ruffian._ "WHERE TO NOW, SNOOTY?" | |
_Second Ditto._ "PICNIC." | |
_First Ditto._ "WOTTERYER GOT IN YER LUNCH WALLET?" | |
_Second Ditto._ "SLUNG SHOT."] | |
* * * * * | |
REJUVENATED FRANCE. | |
PUNCHINELLO has perused a draft of the next Constitution of the French | |
people, or of France, if that is better. Unwilling to give it to his | |
readers in full, at present, he considers himself authorized, however, | |
to cite a few paragraphs of it, which will be found both original and | |
interesting. | |
FIFTY-SEVENTH CONSTITUTION OF FRANCE. (One a year, more or less.) | |
_Paragraph_ 1. The French Nation is sovereign; the French people are | |
sovereign; sovereigns are sovereign; every Frenchman is sovereign. | |
_Paragraph_ 2. All men are equal, but Frenchmen are highly superior to | |
all other men. | |
_Paragraph_ 3. In order to secure peace, it is decreed and plebiscited | |
that all governments shall have a chance. For the next ten years, or | |
less, the Orleans Dynasty shall rule; after that a BONAPARTE for a few | |
years; then a Republic, "democratic and social," as long as it can keep | |
on its legs. After that a second Republic, for a twelvemonth at least. | |
Then an old BOURBON, if one can be found. After this, a military | |
dictatorship; the army to decide its duration. At each change the people | |
will decide by plebiscit whether they want the respective governments to | |
be: _personal_, _legal_, or neither. | |
_Paragraph_ 4.--But here we must stop. | |
* * * * * | |
Titans. | |
The _Liberte_ says: "A lot of crazy fellows tried to proclaim the | |
republic at Toulouse." Now there are manifestly two errors in this | |
statement. The fellows alluded to were not Toulouse, but too tight | |
fellows. Moreover, if they really had been crazies, as the _Liberte_ | |
supposes, they would have been instantly arrested and sent to Paris, | |
under guard, by the way of the Madder line, to await the action of the | |
Prefect of the Sane. | |
* * * * * | |
Astronomical. | |
A NEW Milky Way has been discovered. It is the way the milk producers | |
(farmers, not cows,) of Westchester County have of insisting upon | |
raising their charges for milk from four cents to five cents a quart, | |
wholesale. We fail to discern the milk of human kindness, here; but it | |
is clear that the milk in the cocoa-nuts of these farmers is mighty | |
sour. | |
* * * * * | |
WHAT SIGERSON SAYS. | |
SIGERSON (Dr.) of the Royal Irish Academy, has gone and said some mighty | |
unpleasant things about the Atmosphere. How he found them out, we can't | |
say, (and we hope _he_ can't:) but nevertheless, he declares, with the | |
most dreadful calmness, that if you go to visit the Iron Works, you will | |
inevitably breathe a great many hollow Balls of Iron, say about one two | |
thousandth of an inch in diameter! What these rather diminutive | |
ferruginous globules will do for you, we do not know; but you can see | |
for yourself, that with your lungs full of little iron balls you must | |
certainly be in a "parlous" state. We should say that we had quite as | |
lief have the air full of those iron spheres, termed Cannon Balls, as it | |
is now in France. It is true, one couldn't get many of _these_ inside | |
one with impunity; and equally true, that foundry men do manage to live, | |
with all that iron in their lungs; but we can't say we desire to "build | |
up an Iron Constitution," as the P-r-n S-r-p folks say, by the inhaling | |
process. | |
But SIGERSON is not content to render the neighborhood of Iron Works | |
questionable to the delicate and apprehensive; in "shirt-factory air" he | |
declares, upon honor, "there are little filaments of linen and cotton, | |
with minute eggs" (goodness gracious!) "Threshing machines," he more | |
than insinuates, "fill the air with fibres, starch-grains and spores," | |
(spores! think of that;) and (what is truly ha(i)rrowing,) in "stables | |
and barber's shops" you cannot but breathe "scales and hairs." Good | |
Heavens! | |
What he says of printers and smokers is simply horrible; in short, this | |
dreadful SIGERSON has gone and made life a wretched and lingering (to | |
quote the sensitive Mrs. GAMP,) "progiss through this mortial wale." | |
* * * * * | |
THE WATERING PLACES. | |
Punchinello's Vacation. | |
When we visit ordinary places of summer resort, we require no particular | |
outfit, (it being remembered that the "we" alluded to comprehends only | |
males,) excepting a suitable supply of summer clothes. But when we go to | |
the Adirondacks,--certainly a most extraordinary place of summer | |
resort,--we require an outfit which is as remarkable as the region | |
itself. Thoroughly understanding this necessity, Mr. PUNCHINELLO made | |
himself entirely ready for a life in the woods before he set out for the | |
Adirondack Mountains. Witness the completeness of his preparations. | |
The railroad to the heart of this delightful resort is not yet finished, | |
and when Mr. P. had completed his long journey, in which the excellence | |
and abominabitity,--so to speak,--of every American form of conveyance | |
was exhibited, he was glad enough to see before him those charming wilds | |
which are gradually being tamed down by the well-to-do citizens of New | |
York and Boston. He found that it was necessary, in order to enter the | |
district, to pass through a gate in a high pale-fence, and, to his | |
surprise, he was informed that he must buy a ticket before being allowed | |
to proceed. On inquiry, he discovered that the Reverend Mr. MURRAY, of | |
Boston, claiming the whole Adirondack region by right of discovery, had | |
fenced it entirely in, and demanded entrance money of all visitors. | |
This was bad, to be sure, but there was no help for it, and Mr. P. | |
bought his ticket and passed in. | |
The Adirondack scenery is peculiar. In the first place, there are no | |
pavements or gravel walks. | |
This is a grievous evil, and should be remedied by Mr. MURRAY as soon as | |
possible. The majority of the paths are laid out in the following | |
manner. | |
The scenery, however, would be very fine if the bugs were transparent. | |
The multitudes of insectivorous carnivora, which arose to greet Mr. P., | |
effectually prevented him from seeing anything more than a yard distant. | |
But if this had been all, Mr. P. would not have uttered a word of | |
complaint. It was not all, by any means. | |
These hungry creatures, these black-flies; midges; mosquitoes; yellow | |
bloodsuckers; poison-bills; corkscrew-stingers; hook-tailed hornets; and | |
all the rest of them settled down upon him until they covered him like a | |
suit of clothes. A warmer welcome was never extended to a traveller in a | |
strange land. | |
In case his readers should not be familiar with the animal, the | |
accompanying drawing will give an admirable idea of the celebrated | |
black-fly of the Adirondacks, which, with the grizzly bear and the | |
rattlesnake, occupies the front rank among American ferocious animals. | |
After travelling on foot for a day and a night; drenched by rain; | |
scorched by the sun; crippled by rocks and roots; frightened by | |
rattle-snakes and panthers; blistered and swollen by poisonous insects; | |
nearly starved; tired to death; and presenting the most pitiable | |
appearance in the world, Mr. P. reached the encampment of Mr. MURRAY, | |
proprietor and exhibitor of the Adirondacks. | |
Knowing that there was quite a large company in the camp, Mr. P. was | |
almost ashamed to show himself in such a doleful plight, but he soon | |
found that there was no need for any scruples on that account, as they | |
were all as wretched looking as himself. | |
Mr. MURRAY welcomed him cordially, and after building a "smudge" around | |
him to keep off the flies, he gave Mr. P. some Boston brown-bread and a | |
glass of pure water from a rill. | |
This, with a sip from Mr. P.'s little flask, revived him considerably, | |
and after a night's rest on the lee side of a tree, where the rain did | |
not wet him nearly so much as if he had been on the other side, Mr. P. | |
felt himself equal to the task of enjoying the Adirondacks. | |
That morning, Mr. MURRAY conducted a melancholy party of disconsolate | |
pleasure-seekers to a neighboring stream, where he instructed them to | |
fish for trout.. He told them they must revel in the delights of the | |
scene, and should tremble with the wild rapture of drawing from the | |
rushing waters the bounding trout. | |
Mr. P. tried very hard to do this. He put his prettiest fly and his | |
sharpest hook on his longest line, and, for hours, gently whipped the | |
ripples. At last a speckled representative of the American National | |
Game-fish took compassion on the patient fisherman and entered into a | |
contest of skill with him. (A friendly match, and no bets on either | |
side.) The game lasted some time. The fish made some splendid | |
"fly-catches;" and Mr. P., slipping on a wet stone at the edge of the | |
brook, got in once on his base. On this occasion, the line and a | |
black-berry bush arranged a decided "foul" between them. At last, just | |
at the most interesting point of the game, the sudden sting of a | |
steel-bee caused Mr. P. to give a quick bawl, when the fish took a | |
home-run and came back no more. Time of game, 3h., 50m. | |
Mr. P. 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 0--1. | |
Trout 6 9 8 7 9 9 9 9 9--75. | |
That afternoon Mr. MURRAY took the party to Crystal Brook, Shanty Brook, | |
Mainspring Brook, Tenement Brook, and more little mountain gutters of | |
the kind than you could count on your fingers and toes. As an | |
aristocratic residence, this region is certainly superior to New York, | |
for the Murray Hills are as plenty as blackberries. The next day they | |
all went up Mount Marcy. When the ascent was completed, everybody lay | |
down and went to sleep. They were too tired to bother themselves about | |
the view. At length, after a good nap, Mr. MURRAY got up and wakened the | |
party, and they all came down. | |
They came by the way of the "grand slide," but Mr. P. didn't like it. | |
His tailor, however, will no doubt think very highly of it. | |
When all was quiet, that evening, on Dangle-worm Creek, near which | |
they were encamped, Mr. P. found the Reverend MURRAY sitting in the | |
smoke of his private smudge, enjoying his fragrant pipe. Seating himself | |
by the veteran pioneer, Mr. P. addressed him thus: | |
"Tell me, Mr. MURRAY, in confidence, your opinion of the Adirondacks." | |
"Sir," said Mr. MURRAY, "I have no objection to give a person of your | |
respectability and knowledge of the world my opinion of this region, but | |
I do not wish it made public." | |
"Of course, sir!" said Mr. P. "A man of your station and antecedents | |
would not wish his private opinions to be made too public. You may rely | |
upon my discretion." | |
"Well, then," said the reverend mountaineer, "I think the Adirondacks an | |
unmitigated humbug, and I wish I had never let the world know that there | |
was such a place." | |
"Why then do you come here every season, sir?" | |
"After all I have written and said about it," said Mr. MURRAY, "I have | |
to come to keep up appearances. Don't you see? But I hate these | |
mountains from the bottom of my heart. For every word I have written in | |
praise of the region I have a black-fly-bite on my legs. For every word | |
I have said in favor of it I have a scratch or a bruise in some other | |
part of my corpus. I wish that there was no such a season as | |
summer-time, or else no such a place as the Adirondacks." | |
(Readers of this paper are requested to skip the above, as those are Mr. | |
MURRAY'S private opinions, and not the statements he makes in public, | |
and his desire to keep them dark should be respected.) | |
It may be of interest to his patrons to know that Mr. P. arrived home | |
safely and with whole bones. | |
* * * * * | |
RAMBLINGS. | |
BY MOSE SKINNER. | |
MR. PUNCHINELLO: The editor of the Slunkville _Lyre_ says in his last | |
issue:-- | |
"Notwithstanding the calumnies of Mr. SKINNER, our reputation is still | |
good, and we continue to pay our debts promptly." | |
This is the fifth hoax he has perpetrated within two weeks. His line of | |
business at present seems to be the _canard_ line. | |
I'll trust him out of sight if I can keep one eye on him. Not otherwise. | |
For a light recreation, combining a little business, I recommend his | |
funeral. | |
It is pleasant to reflect that men of his stamp are never born again. | |
They are born once too much as it is. | |
He went to the Agricultural Fair last Fall. There was a big potato | |
there. After gazing spell-bound upon it for one hour, he rushed home and | |
set the following in type: | |
"What is the difference between the Rev. ADAM CLARK, and the big potato | |
at the fair? One is a Commentator, and the other is an _Un_common | |
'tater." | |
This conundrum was so exquisitely horrible, that his friends hoped he'd | |
have judgment enough to hang himself, but such things die hard. | |
Colonel W-----'s Goat. Colonel W-----, is a great man in these parts | |
Like most village nabobs, he's a corpulent gentleman with a great show | |
of dignity, and in a white vest and gold-headed cane, looks eminently | |
respectable. He owns a hot-house, keeps a big dog that is very savage, | |
and his wife wears a silk dress at least three times a week,--either of | |
which will establish a man's reputation in a country town. | |
Everything belonging to the Colonel is held in the utmost awe by the | |
villagers. The paper speaks of him as "our esteemed and talented | |
townsman, Col. W.," and alludes to his "beautiful and accomplished | |
wife," who, by the way, was formerly waiter in an oyster saloon, and won | |
the Colonel's affection by the artless manner in which she would shout: | |
"Two stews, plenty o' butter." | |
Like others of his stamp, the Colonel amounts to something just where he | |
is, but take him anywhere else, he'd be a first-class, eighteen carat | |
fraud. | |
Awhile ago, the Colonel bought a goat for his little boy to drive in | |
harness, and the animal often grazed at the foot of a cliff, near the | |
house. One day, a man wandering over this cliff fell and was instantly | |
killed, evidently having come in contact with the goat, for the animal's | |
neck was broken. | |
But what amused me was the way the aforesaid editor spoke of the affair. | |
He wrote half a column on the "sad death of Col. W's. goat," but not a | |
word of the unfortunate dead man, till he wound up as follows: | |
"We omitted to state that a dead man was picked up near the unfortunate | |
goat. It is supposed that this person, in wandering over the cliff, lost | |
his foothold and fell, striking the doomed animal in his progress. Thus, | |
through the carelessness of this obscure individual, was Col. W's. poor | |
little goat hurled into eternity." | |
The Superintendent asked me last Sunday to take charge of a class. | |
"You'll find 'em rather a bad lot" said he. "They all went fishing last | |
Sunday but little JOHNNY RAND. _He_ is really a good boy, and I hope his | |
example may yet redeem the others. I wish you'd talk to 'em a little." | |
I told him I would. | |
They were rather a hard looking set. I don't think I ever witnessed a | |
more elegant assortment of black eyes in my life. Little JOHNNY RAND, | |
the good boy, was in his place, and I smiled on him approvingly. As soon | |
as the lessons were over, I said: | |
"Boys, your Superintendent tells me you went fishing last Sunday. All | |
but little JOHNNY, here." | |
"You didn't go, did you, JOHNNY?" I said. | |
"No, sir." | |
"That was right. Though this boy is the youngest among you," I | |
continued, "you will now learn from his lips words of good counsel, | |
which I hope you will profit by." | |
I lifted him up on the seat beside me, and smoothed his auburn ringlets. | |
"Now, JOHNNY, I want you to tell your teacher, and these wicked boys, | |
why you didn't go fishing with them last Sunday. Speak up loud, now. It | |
was because it was very wicked, and you had rather come to the Sunday | |
School. Wasn't it?" | |
"No, sir, it was 'cos I couldn't find no worms for bait." | |
Somehow or other these good boys always turn out humbugs. | |
It is hardly good taste to introduce anything of a pathetic nature in an | |
article intended to be humorous, but the following displays such | |
infinite depth of tenderness, fortified by strength of mind, that I | |
cannot forbear. Although it occurred when I was quite young, it is | |
firmly impressed on my memory: | |
The autumn winds sighed drearily through the leafless trees, as the | |
solemn procession passed slowly into the quiet church-yard, and paused | |
before the open grave, where all that was mortal of LUCY C----- was to | |
be laid away forever, and when the white-haired old pastor, with | |
trembling voice, recounted her last moments, sobs broke out afresh, for | |
she was beloved by all. | |
The bereaved husband stood a little apart, and, though no tear escaped | |
him, yet we all instinctively felt that his heart was wrung with agony, | |
and his burden greater than he could bear. With folded arms, and eyes | |
bent upon the coffin, he seemed buried in a deep and painful reverie. | |
None dared intrude upon a grief so sacred. At last, turning to his | |
brother, and pointing to the coffin, he said: | |
"JOHN, don't you call that rather a neat looking box for four dollars?" | |
* * * * * | |
Financial. | |
Our French editor thinks that the Imperial revenues ought to be doubled | |
at once, on the ground of the too evident Income-pittance of the | |
Emperor. | |
* * * * * | |
[Illustration: AN EXCURSION. | |
_Fanny_. "ISN'T IT TOO BAD, FRANK; WE SHALL GET BACK TO TOWN LONG BEFORE | |
DARK." | |
(_Fact is, Fanny has a thick shawl, and it would be so nice to share it | |
with Frank._)] | |
* * * * * | |
OUR PORTFOLIO. | |
DEAR PUNCHINELLO: I see you have been at the White Sulphur Springs; but | |
you forgot to tell us what we were all dying to hear about the waters. | |
Several friends had suggested that I should go to some watering place | |
where I could get nothing else but water to drink, or to some spring | |
where I couldn't get "sprung." I tried the White Sulphur, and while | |
there learned some facts that may be useful to others who seek them for | |
a similar purpose. | |
These springs differ from the European springs in that they were not | |
discovered by the Romans. The Latin conquerors never roamed so far, and | |
it was perhaps a good thing for them that they didn't, Sulphur water | |
could not have agreed with Romans any more than it agrees with Yankees | |
who take whiskey with it. I was asked if I would like to analyse the | |
water, (as everything here is done by analysis under the eye of the | |
resident physician.) _My_ analysis was done entirely under the nose. | |
I raised a glass of the enchanted fluid to my lips: but my nose said | |
very positively, "Don't do it," and I didn't. I told my conductor I had | |
analyzed it, and he seemed not a little astonished at the rapidity and | |
simplicity of the method. He asked me if I would be kind enough to write | |
out a statement of the result after the manner of Dr. HAYES, Prof. | |
ROGERS, and others who have examined these waters and testified that | |
they would cure everything but hydrophobia. I told him I would, and | |
retiring to my room, wrote as follows: | |
"Sulphur water contains mineral properties of a sulphuric character, | |
owing to the fact that the water runs over beds of sulphur. Nobody has | |
ever seen these beds, but they are supposed to constitute the cooler | |
portions of those dominions corresponding to the Christian location of | |
Purgatory. Sinners, preliminary to being plunged into the fiery furnace, | |
are laid out on these beds and wrapped in damp sheets by chambermaids | |
regularly attached to the establishment. This is meant to increase the | |
torture of their subsequent sufferings, and there can be no doubt that | |
it succeeds. Herein we have also an explanation of the reason of these | |
waters coming to the surface of the earth--it is to give patients and | |
other _miserables_ who drink them a foretaste of future horrors. Passing | |
from this branch of the subject to the analysis proper, I find that | |
fifty thousand grains of sulphur water divided, into one hundred parts, | |
contains, | |
Bilge water, - - - - - - - - - - 95.75 | |
Sulphate of Bilgerius, - - - - - 1.855 | |
Chloride of Bilgeria, - - - - - - .285 | |
Carbonate de Bilgique, - - - - - - .750 | |
Silica Bilgica, - - - - - - - - - 1.955 | |
Hydro-sulp-Bil, - - - - - - - - - .28 | |
Twenty thousand grains of the water would contain less of the above | |
element than fifty thousand grains, which ought to be mentioned as | |
another one of the remarkable peculiarities of this most remarkable | |
fluid." | |
I sent the foregoing scientific deductions to the "Resident Physician," | |
and the bearer told me afterwards that the venerable Esculapian only | |
observed,--"Well, the writer of that must have been a most egregious | |
ass. There is no such thing as 'Sulphate of Bilgerius,' or 'Silica | |
Bilgica,' or anything like them", and then the old fellow chuckled to | |
himself over my supposed ignorance. I was willing he should. I'm | |
accustomed to being called an ass, and always like to be recognized by | |
my kindred. Chemically thine, | |
SULPHURO. | |
* * * * * | |
COOL, IF NOT COMFORTABLE. | |
Apropos of complications arising out of the late Navy Appropriation Law, | |
a daily paper states as follows: | |
"The decision of the Attorney General now forces him to turn the balance | |
into the Treasury, and the sailors have to go unclothed." | |
How this decision will affect recruiting for our navy yet remains to be | |
seen, though it is probable that but few civilized men can be found to | |
join a service in which nudity is obligatory. In such torrid weather as | |
we are having, JACK ashore with nothing on, except, perhaps, a Panama | |
hat, will be a novel and refreshing object--but how about the police? | |
* * * * * | |
[Illustration: LAW VERSUS LAWLESSNESS. THE VIRTUOUS ALLIES OF THE NEW | |
YORK "SUN" ENGAGED IN THEIR CONGENIAL OCCUPATION OF THROWING DIRT.] | |
* * * * * | |
HIRAM GREEN ON BASE BALL. | |
A Match Game between Centenarians.--"Roomatix" vs. "Bloostockin's." | |
The veterans of the war of 1812 of this place, organized a base ball | |
club. | |
It was called the "Roomatix base ball club." | |
A challinge was sent to the "Bloo stockin' base ball club," an old man's | |
club in an adjoinin' town. They met last week to play a match game. | |
It required rather more macheenery than is usually allowed in this grate | |
nashunal game of chance. | |
For instance: The pitchers haden't very good eye-site, and were just as | |
liable to pitch a ball to "2nd base," as to "Home base." | |
To make a sure thing of it, a big long tin tube was made, on the | |
principle of the Noomatic tunnel under Broadway, New York. A large | |
thing, like a molasses funnel, was made, onto the end facin' the | |
pitcher. | |
The old man ceased the ball and pitched it into the brod openin'. The | |
raceway was slantin' downwards, towords the "_Homebase._" The batter | |
stood at his post, with an ear trumpet at his ear, and a wash-bord in | |
his two hands holdin' onto the handles. | |
When he heard the ball come rollin' down the tin, he would "muff" it | |
with his wash-bord. Then the excitement would begin. The "striker" would | |
start off and go feelin' about the "field" for the base, while the | |
"outs" got down onto their bands and knees and went huntin' for the | |
ball. | |
Sometimes a "fielder," whose sense of feelin' wasen't very acute, got | |
hold of a cobble stun, then he would waddle, and grope his way about, to | |
find the base. But I tell you it was soothin' fun for the old men. | |
After lookin' 20 minuts for a ball, then findin' the base before the | |
batter did, who just as like as not had strayed out into another lot, it | |
made the old fellers laff. | |
Sometimes two players would run into each other and go tumblin' over | |
together. Then the "Umpire" would go and get them onto their pins agin, | |
and give 'em a fresh start. | |
On each side of this interestin' match game, was two old men who went on | |
crutches. | |
It was agreed, as these men coulden't run the bases, that a man be | |
blindfolded and wheel these aged <DW36>s about the bases in a | |
wheel-barrer. | |
The minnit these old chaps would "strike," they dropped their crutches, | |
and the umpire would dump them into the _vehicle,_ and away went mister | |
striker. | |
A player was bein' wheeled this way once, and the "outs" was down onto | |
their marrow-bones tryin' to find the ball, when a splash! was heard. | |
The wheel-barrer man had run his cart into a goose pond, and made a | |
scatterin' among the geese. | |
"Fowl!" cride the Umpire. | |
The wheel-barrer man drew his lode ashore. | |
"Out!" hollers the Umpire. | |
And another victim went to the wash-bord. | |
Bets were offered 2 to one, that "The Roomatixs" would _pass_ more | |
balls--on their hands and knees--than the "Bloostockin's." These bets | |
were freely taken--by obligin' stake-holders. | |
A friend of the "Bloostockin's" jumped upon a pile of stuns and said: | |
"15 to 10 'the Roomatix' have got more _blinds_ than the | |
'Bloostockin's.'" | |
No takers--I guess he would have won his bet, for just at this juncture | |
a "Roomatix" was at the bat. | |
The Umpire moved his head. | |
The old man thought it was the ball, and he "muffed" the "Umpire's" head | |
with his wash-bord. | |
The Umpire turned suddenly and wanted to know: "Who was firin' spit | |
balls at his back hair?" | |
One "innins," the ball was rolled through, it struck the batter in the | |
rite eye. | |
"Out on rite eye," cride the Umpire, and the batter was minus an eye. | |
Next man to the bat. | |
His eyes were gummy. He coulden't see the ball. | |
He heard the ball rollin'. | |
He raised his wash-board. | |
His strength gave way. | |
Down came the bat, and the handle of the wash-bord entered his eye. | |
"Out! on the left eye," screams the Umpire. | |
Old man No. 3 went to the wash-bord. | |
The ball came tearin' along. | |
It was a little too swift for the old man.--Rather too much "English" | |
into it. It "Kissed" and made a "scratch," strikin' the "Cushion" | |
between the old man's eyes. | |
This gave him the "cue." Tryin' to make a "draw" with the wash bord, so | |
as to "Uker" the ball, and "checkmate" the other club, he was | |
"distansed," and his spectacles went flyin', smashin' the glass and | |
shuttin' off his eyesite. | |
"Out! agin," bellers the Umpire. | |
This was the first _Blind_ innin's for the "Roomatix." | |
The "Bloostockin's" bein' told how this innin's stood, by addressin' | |
them through their ear-trumpets, made a faint effort to holler | |
"Whooray!" | |
And, I am grieved to say it, one by-stander, who diden't understand the | |
grate nashunal game, wanted to know: | |
"What in thunder them old dry bones was cryin' about" | |
It was a crooel remark, altho' the old men, not bein' used to hollerin' | |
much, and not havin' any teeth, did make rather queer work tryin' to | |
holler. | |
Ime sorry to say, the game wasen't finished. | |
Refreshments were served at the end of this innin's, consistin' of | |
Slippery Elm tea and water gruel. | |
The old men eat harty. | |
This made them sleepy, and the consequence was, that the minnit they was | |
led out on the grass, "Sleep, barmy sleep," got the best of 'em, and | |
they laid down and slept like infants. | |
Both nines were then loaded onto stone botes and drawn off of the field. | |
The friends of both sides _drew_ their stake money, and the Umpire, | |
_drawin'_ a long breath, declared the match a _draw_ game. | |
Basely Ewers, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., | |
_Lait Gustise of the Peece._ | |
* * * * * | |
Bad Eggs. | |
The following suggestive item appears in an evening paper: | |
"Illinois boasts of chickens hatched by the sun." | |
Well, New York can beat Illinois at that game. The chickens hatched by | |
the _Sun_, here, are far too numerous for counting, and they are curses | |
of the kind that will assuredly "come home to roost." | |
* * * * * | |
Disagreeable, but True. | |
The restoration of the Bourbon dynasty is reckoned possible in France. | |
In this country the Bourbon die-nasty has never been played out. It is a | |
malignant disease, sometimes known as _delirium tremens._ | |
* * * * * | |
Musical. | |
Mlle. Silly, the daily papers inform us, has been engaged for the Grand | |
Opera House in _opera bouffe_, and will make her _debut_ about the | |
middle of September. The lady should not be confounded with any of our | |
New York "girls of the period" who bear, (or ought to bear,) her name. | |
* * * * * | |
Caution to Readers. | |
Seven steady business men of this city, four solid capitalists of | |
Boston, eighteen Frenchmen residents of the United States, but doing | |
business nowhere, and a German butcher in the Bowery, have just been | |
added to sundry lunatic asylums, their intellects having become | |
hopelessly deranged from reading the conflicting telegrams about the war | |
in Europe. | |
* * * * * | |
A Parallel. | |
In one of the reports of the Coroner's investigation of the Twenty-third | |
street murder, it was mentioned that "Several ladies and some young | |
children occupied chairs within the railing." | |
When REAL was hanged, it was noticeable that a great number of women | |
appeared in the morbid crowd that surrounded the Tombs, many of them | |
with small children in their arms. | |
Fifth Avenue and Five Points! Six of one and half-a-dozen of the other! | |
Blood _will_ tell! | |
* * * * * | |
[Illustration: THE HAZARD OF THE HORSE-CARS. | |
THIS IS STUBBS, (_an incorrigible old bachelor_,) WHO TAKES AN OPEN CAB, | |
FOR GREENWOOD, AND IS COMPELLED TO DO THE WHOLE DISTANCE SO. | |
Illustration: AND THIS IS THE WAY IN WHICH DOBBS, WHO WOULD HAVE BEEN | |
DELIGHTED WITH STUBB'S LUCK, IS MADE TO SUFFER MARTYRDOM ON _his_ | |
LITTLE EXCURSION] | |
* * * * * | |
THE POEMS OF THE CRADLE. | |
CANTO V. | |
"Let's go to bed," says Sleepy Head, | |
"Tarry awhile," says Slow; | |
"Put on the pot," says Greedy Gut, | |
"We'll sup before we go." | |
These lines the observant student of nursery literature will perceive | |
are satirical. Was there ever a poet who was not satirical? How could he | |
be a genius and not be able to point out the folly he sees around him | |
and comment upon it. In this case, the poor poet,--who lived in a | |
roseate cloud-land of his own, not desiring such mundane things as sleep | |
and food, was undoubtedly troubled and plagued to death by having | |
brothers and sisters who were of the earth, earthy; and who never | |
neglected on opportunity to laugh at his poems; to squirt water on him | |
when in the heavenly mood, his eyes in frenzy rolling; to put spiders | |
down his back; to stick pins in his elbows when writing; or upset his | |
inkstand. | |
Fine natures always have a deal to bear, in this world, from the coarse, | |
unfeeling natures that cannot appreciate their delicacy; and this one | |
had more than his share. | |
Many a time has he been goaded to frenzy by the cruel sneers and jokes | |
of those who should have been proud of his talents; and rushed with | |
wild-eyed eagerness down to the gentle frog pond, intending there to | |
bury his sorrows beneath its glassy surface. He saw in imagination the | |
grief-stricken faces of those cruel ones as they gazed upon his cold | |
corpus, with his damp locks clinging to his noble brow, the green slimy | |
weeds clasped in his pale hands, and the mud oozing from his pockets and | |
the legs of his pants; and he gloried in the remorse and anguish they | |
would feel when they knew that the Poet of the family was gone forever. | |
All this he pictured as he stood on the bank, and, while thinking, the | |
desire to plunge in grew smaller by degrees and beautifully less, till | |
at last it vanished entirely, and he concluded he had better go home, | |
finish his book first and drown himself afterwards, if necessary. It | |
would make much more stir in the world, and his name and works might | |
live forever. | |
A happy thought strikes him as he slowly meanders homeward. He would | |
have revenge. He would punish these wretches by handing down--to | |
posterity their peculiarities. He would put it in verse and have it | |
printed in his book, and then they'd see that even the gentle worm could | |
turn and sting. | |
Ah! blessed thought. He flies to his garret bedroom, seizes his | |
goose-quill and paper, and sits down. What shall he write about? He | |
nibbles the feather end of his pen, plunges the point into the ink, | |
looks at it intently to see if he has hooked up an idea, sees none, and | |
falls to nibbling again. Ah! now he has it. There is TOM, the | |
dunderhead, who is always sleepy and he will put that down about him. | |
Squaring his shoulders, he writes: | |
"Let's go to bed," says Sleepy Head. | |
Gleefully he rubs his hands. Won't that cut TOM. Ah! Ha! I guess TOM | |
won't say much more about staring at the moon. Now for DICK, the old | |
stupid. What shall he say about him? The end of the pen diminishes | |
slowly but surely, and then he writes: | |
"Tarry awhile," says Slow. | |
That will answer for DICK. Now let him give HARRY something scorching, | |
withering, and cutting--so that he'll never open his mouth again unless | |
it is to put something in it. Oh, that is it, he is always hungry--rub | |
him on that. He thinks intently. Determination shows in every line of | |
his face; the pen is almost gone only an inch remains, and then the Poet | |
masters his subject. He has got the last two lines. | |
"Put on the pot," says Greedy Gut, | |
"We'll sup before we go." | |
He throws down the stump of the pen and bounces up. His object in life | |
is accomplished; he is master of the situation, now, and holds the trump | |
card. See the quiet smile' and knowing look as he folds the paper up, | |
and thrusts it into his pocket. He is going down-stairs to read it to | |
the family. Now is the time for sweet revenge and for the overthrow of | |
those Philistines, his brothers. He descends slowly, like an avenging | |
angel, enters the room, and--gentle reader, imagine the rest. | |
* * * * * | |
Masculine or Feminine? | |
It now seems that the new and terrible fagot-gun used in the French army | |
is to be spoken of in the feminine gender--_mitrailleuse_ instead of | |
_mitrailleur_, as hitherto spelt by correspondents. That a virago is | |
sometimes termed a "spit-fire" we all know, but that is hardly reason | |
enough to excuse the French for such a lapse of gallantry as calling a | |
thunderous and fatal implement of war by a soft feminine name. Let them | |
stick to _mitrailleur_. Yet we would not rashly throw the other word | |
away. _Mitrailleuse_ would be a capital acquisition to the English | |
language, and very handy for any man having a vixen of a wife, with no | |
nice pet name convenient with which to conciliate her. | |
* * * * * | |
A Ridiculous Rub-a-dub. | |
A quiet gentleman who occupies lodgings immediately opposite one of the | |
city armories, writes to us asking whether the drum corps that practice | |
there two or three evenings in the week should not be supplied with | |
noiseless drums, as PUNCHINELLO has suggested regarding the street | |
organs. PUNCHINELLO thinks the suggestion a good one. He would like to | |
see the beating of drums after night-fall abolished altogether In fact, | |
it is the only kind of Dead Beat to which he would lend his countenance. | |
* * * * * | |
A Clear Case. | |
Some wiseacre has been trying to demonstrate, through the public press, | |
that POE did not write "The Raven." | |
The man must be a Raven lunatic. | |
* * * * * | |
THE BALLARD OF THE GOOD LITTLE BOY, AGED TEN, AND HIS BAD BROTHER. | |
An obituary notice of a boy, 10 years old, in _The Wilmington | |
Commercial_, contains the following statement: "In his dying moments he | |
charged his brother WILLIAM not to dance, or sing any more songs. | |
Funeral services preached by the Rev WM. R. TUBB." | |
This pious Boy lay on his bed, | |
A dying very fast; | |
'Most every word this good Boy said, | |
They thought 'twould be his last. | |
The Reverend Mr. TUBB was there, | |
A praying very slow; | |
It was a solemn, sad affair; | |
Twas plain the Boy must go. | |
His brother WILLIAM:, he come o'er, | |
To which this good Boy cried, | |
"Oh, BILL, don't sing nor dance no more!" | |
And following which he died. | |
Now WILLIAM, he had learnt a song | |
That pleased him very much: | |
He didn't know that it was wrong | |
To carol any such. | |
He said he couldn't leave it go, | |
Not if he was to die; | |
And that same song, as all should know, | |
Was called by him, "Shoo Fly." | |
He was informed by Mr. TUBBS | |
That he would fall down dead, | |
Or else get killed by stones or clubs, | |
With that thing in his head. | |
But, such is life! Poor WILLIAM went | |
And sung his Shoo Fly o'er: | |
Not knowing that he would be sent | |
Where Shoo Flies are no more, | |
He was a singing, one wet day, | |
And likewise dancing too, | |
When lightning took his sole away-- | |
Let this warn me and you! | |
* * * * * | |
HINTS FOR THE CENSUS. | |
DEAR PUNCHINELLO: I have always been in favor of the Census, the system | |
is questionable, perhaps, though that depends on how you like it. I have | |
found that it answers very well where the parties are highly | |
intelligent-like myself, for example. | |
I drew up the following proclamation to read to the U.S. official in my | |
district: | |
_Q._ What is your name? _A_ SARSFIELD YOUNG. What is yours? | |
_Q._ What is your age? _A._ A., being asked how old he was, replied: If | |
I live as long again, and half as long again, and two years and a | |
half,--how old shall I be? | |
_Q._ Where is your residence? _A._ I live at home with the family, have | |
often thought that, amid pleasures and palaces, there is no place like | |
home, unless it be a boarding house with hot and cold water. | |
_Q._ What is your occupation? _A._ Taxpayer. This takes my whole time | |
_Q._ Where were you born? _A._ Having made no minute of it at the time, | |
it has passed out of my memory. | |
_Q._ What kind of a house do you live in? _A._ A mortgaged house, | |
painted flesh color, a front exposure, brick windows and a brass | |
lightning rod. A good deal of back yard, (and back rent,) to it. | |
_Q._ At what age did your grandfather die? _A._ If he died last night, | |
(I saw him yesterday at a horse race,) he was turning ninety-eight, | |
perhaps he got tipped over in the turn. | |
_Q._ Do you hold any official position: if so, what? _A._ Inspector of | |
fish,--every Friday. | |
_Q._ Are you insured? A. I am agent for half a dozen companies. So are | |
all my neighbors. My life is insured against fire for several thousands. | |
_Q._ Are you troubled with chilblains? _A._ Quitely. I soak my feet in | |
oil of vitriol. | |
_Q._ Were you in the war? _A._ I have the scar on my arm which I got in | |
the service. I was vaccinated severely, while clerk to a substitute | |
broker at Troy, N. Y. | |
_Q._ Are you a graduate of any College. _A._ Yes, of one. I forget which | |
one. I only remember that I was one of the most remarkable men they ever | |
turned out. | |
_Q._ Have you suffered from the potato rot? _A,_ Not myself. My uncle | |
had it bad. He found that whiskey and warm water was a very good thing. | |
I've made an independent discovery of the same fact, also. | |
_Q._ Are you in favor of Free Trade or Protection? _A_. I can only say | |
that, if elected, gentlemen, I shall endeavor to do my whole duty. I am. | |
_Q._ What do you think of deep plowing? _A._ In a scanty population, I | |
should say it has a bad effect. I can recommend it, however, in a sandy | |
soil, where school privileges are first-class. | |
_Q._ Does anything else occur to you which it is important for the | |
Government to know? _A._ Yes: a hay fever occurs to me regularly once a | |
year. I have no policy to enforce against the will of the people: Still | |
I would call the attention of the medicine-loving public to my friend | |
Dr. EZRA CUTLER'S "Noon-day Bitters." For ringing in the ears, loss of | |
memory, bankruptcy, teething, and general debility, they are without a | |
rival. No family should live more than five minutes walk from a bottle. | |
They gild the morning of youth, cherish manhood, and comfort old age, | |
with the name blown on the bottle in plain letters. Beware of | |
impositions--at all respectable druggists. | |
* * I believe in taking things easy, and I shall cheerfully assist the | |
Administration, when it calls at my door on Census business. | |
SARSFIELD YOUNG. | |
* * * * * | |
Facilis Descensus | |
The daily papers frequently have articles respecting the "Hell Gate | |
Obstructions." We do not, however, remember having seen that subject | |
handled in the _Sun._ Perhaps it is that DANA and DYER, conscious of | |
their deserts, do not anticipate any obstructions in that quarter. | |
* * * * * | |
[Illustration: ARISTOCRACY IN THE KITCHEN. | |
_Lady_, (responsively.) "THAT FASHIONABLY DRESSED WOMAN WHO HAS JUST | |
PASSED, DEAR? OH, THAT'S MY COOK, TAKING HER SUNDAY WITH THE GROCER'S | |
YOUNG MAN. SHE NEVER ACKNOWLEDGES ME ON SUCH OCCASIONS."] | |
* * * * * | |
WHAT SHALL WE CALL IT? | |
Having made up my mind to become a novelist, I naturally studied the | |
productions of my predecessors, and found out, I assure you, in a very | |
brief period of time, the little tricks of the trade. As I do not wish | |
to have the business flooded with neophytes, I refrain from informing | |
your readers how every man can become his own novel writer. One very | |
curious thing, however, which I discovered, I will here relate. | |
I was very much puzzled by the curious titles which novelists selected | |
for their books, and very much annoyed by my inability to discover where | |
they picked them up. I persevered, however, and discovered that they | |
found them in the daily papers. In fact, I shrewdly suspect that I have | |
discovered, in these veracious sheets, the very incidents which | |
suggested the names of a number of volumes. Let me place before you the | |
extracts, which I have culled from the papers. | |
_"Put Yourself in his Place."_--READE. | |
"Yesterday morning an unknown man was found hanging from the limbs of a | |
tree in JONES' Wood. He was quite dead when discovered." | |
_"Red as a Rose is She."_ | |
"Bridget Flynn was arrested for vagrancy. When brought before the Court | |
she was quite drunk. She had evidently been a hard drinker for years, as | |
her face was of a brilliant carmine color." | |
_"Man and Wife."_ COLLINS. | |
"Married.--At Salt Lake City, on the 1st day of August, 1870, BRIGHAM | |
YOUNG, Esq., to Miss LETITIA BLACK, Mrs. SUSAN BROWN and Miss JENNIE | |
SMITH." | |
_"What will he do with it?"_ BULWER. | |
"It is stated by the police authorities, that the description of Mr. | |
NATHAN'S watch has been spread so widely, that the robber will be unable | |
to dispose of it to any jeweler or pawnbroker." | |
_"Our Mutual Friend"_--DICKENS. | |
"England is supplying both France and Prussia with horses." | |
_"John."_--Mrs. OLIPHANT. | |
"Mr. SAMPSON has sent to California for another cargo of Chinese | |
shoemakers." | |
_"Friends in Council."_--HELPS. | |
"Mr. Drew and Mr. Fisk were closeted together for more than an hour | |
yesterday." | |
_"A Tale of Two Cities."_--DICKENS. | |
"The census will show that our city has a population of at least | |
500,000."--_Chicago paper._ | |
"St Louis has undoubtedly a population of 400,000."--_St. Louis paper._ | |
"Chicago, 300,000; St. Louis, 190,000."--_Census returns._ | |
_"Stern Necessity."_--F.W. ROBINSON. | |
"It is stated that a well-known yacht failed to win the prize in the | |
late race, because her rudder slipped out of her fastenings and was | |
lost." | |
* * * * * | |
ITEMS FROM OUR RURAL REPORTERS. | |
A German farmer, living not one hundred miles from Cincinnati, is | |
raising trichinated pork for the supply of the French army. | |
The artist who drew the Newfoundland dog (out of the water,) at Newport, | |
R.I., has received a medal from the Royal Humane Society of England, on | |
condition that he will not Meddle with dogs any more. | |
Near Ashland, in Virginia, a spring has been discovered that runs | |
chicken soup. So great was the commotion in culinary arrangements, when | |
the discovery was made public, that "the dish ran after the spoon." | |
The curious crustacean known as the "fiddler crab" is unusually numerous | |
in the marshes of Long Island, this summer. It differs from impecunious | |
persons inasmuch as it is a burrowing, not a borrowing, creature. It | |
differs from ordinary fiddlers by two letters, in that it bores the | |
earth, but not the ear. | |
It is an established fact that persona who sleep on mattresses stuffed | |
with pigeon's feathers never die. Near Salem, Mass., there is now a | |
woman nearly two hundred years old, who has been bed-ridden and confined | |
to a pigeon-feather bed for one hundred and fifty years. One of her | |
descendants a shrewd man-has discovered that the pigeon feathers are | |
growing musty, and proposes to replace them with the plumage of geese. | |
There is a wild man at large in the woods of Sullivan County, N.Y. He | |
was once a fast man of New York City, and is so fast, still, that nobody | |
can catch him. | |
A gentleman residing in the vicinity of Glen Cove had a Newfoundland dog | |
that was very expert at catching lobsters. The faithful animal has been | |
missing for some time, but a clue to its fate was yesterday obtained by | |
its owner, who found the brass collar of the dog inside a large lobster | |
with which he was about to construct a salad. | |
An English nobleman has taken up his residence in the centre of the | |
Dismal Swamp, Va. Blighted affections are supposed to be the cause of | |
his trouble, as he always wears at the top buttonhole of his coat a | |
_chignon_ made of red hair. | |
* * * * * | |
"That's what's the Matter." | |
Among the lectures announced for the coming season is Mrs. CECILIA | |
BURLEIGH'S "Woman's right to be a Woman." We quite agree with Mrs. | |
BURLEIGH'S remark. Woman _is_ right to be a woman, but the matter just | |
now is that woman wants to be a man. | |
* * * * * | |
Couplet from a Shaker Song. | |
O! Mr. President, you'll have to keep on pegging | |
At this English Mission, which seems to go a-begging. | |
Hi! yi! yi! etc. | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| Extraordinary Bargains. | | |
| | | |
| A. T. Stewart & Co. | | |
| | | |
| Respectfully call the attention of their Customers and | | |
| Strangers to their attractive Stock | | |
| | | |
| OF | | |
| | | |
| SUMMER AND FALL | | |
| | | |
| DRESS SILKS, | | |
| | | |
| At popular prices. | | |
| | | |
| Striped, Checked and Chine | | |
| | | |
| SILKS, | | |
| | | |
| In great variety, $1 to $2 per yard; | | |
| value $1.50 to $3 | | |
| | | |
| PLAIN FOULARD, | | |
| | | |
| $1.50, value $2 per yard. | | |
| 24 inch Black and White | | |
| Striped $1.75; value $2.50. | | |
| | | |
| STRIPED SATINS, | | |
| | | |
| $1.25; value $2. | | |
| | | |
| Plain and Striped Japanese, | | |
| | | |
| 75c. and $1 per yard. | | |
| | | |
| Rich White and Dress Satins, | | |
| | | |
| Extra Quality. | | |
| | | |
| A CHOICE LINE OF | | |
| | | |
| PLAIN GRAINS, | | |
| | | |
| for Evening and Street, $2.50 to $3; | | |
| value $3 to $3.50 per yard. | | |
| | | |
| A FEW EXTRA RICH | | |
| | | |
| SATIN BROCADE SILKS, AMERICAN SILKS, | | |
| | | |
| Black and , $2. | | |
| | | |
| JOB LOT OF MEDIUM AND RICH | | |
| | | |
| SILKS. | | |
| | | |
| GREAT BARGAINS. | | |
| | | |
| A COMPLETE STOCK | | |
| | | |
| BLACK SILKS, | | |
| | | |
| At popular prices. | | |
| | | |
| PLAIN AND STRIPED | | |
| | | |
| GAZE DE CHAMBREY, | | |
| | | |
| Alexandre Best Kid Gloves, &c., &c. | | |
| | | |
| BROADWAY, | | |
| | | |
| 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| A. T. Stewart & Co. | | |
| | | |
| Are offering several lots of | | |
| | | |
| HOUSEKEEPING GOODS | | |
| | | |
| MUCH BELOW | | |
| | | |
| COST OF IMPORTATION. | | |
| | | |
| 5-8 and 3-4 Single and Double DAMASK | | |
| NAPKINS, from $1 to $3.50 per doz. | | |
| | | |
| DAMASK TABLE CLOTHS, all sizes, from | | |
| $1.50 to $2.75 each. | | |
| | | |
| Brown and Bleached TABLE DAMASK, all | | |
| linen, from 40 to 75c. per yard. | | |
| | | |
| LINEN SHEETING, from 60 to 90c. per | | |
| yard. | | |
| | | |
| PILLOW LINENS, from 30 to 70c. per yard | | |
| | | |
| LINEN SHEETS, for Single and Double Beds, | | |
| at $2.5O and upward. | | |
| | | |
| Fringed HUCKABACK TOWELS, $1 | | |
| per doz. and upward. | | |
| | | |
| Bleached HUCKABACK TOWELS, 12 1-2 | | |
| per yard and upward. | | |
| | | |
| Excellent Kitchen Towelling. In 25 yard | | |
| pieces, $3.25 per piece. | | |
| | | |
| Several Hundred pieces Linen Nursery | | |
| Diapers, various widths, at $1 per piece | | |
| below Current prices. | | |
| | | |
| MARSEILLES | | |
| | | |
| QUILTS AND BLANKETS, | | |
| | | |
| AT LOW PRICES. | | |
| | | |
| Attention of House and Hotel Keepers is invited | | |
| | | |
| BROADWAY, | | |
| | | |
| 4TH AVE., 9TH AND 10TH STREETS | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| PUNCHINELLO. | | |
| | | |
| The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical | | |
| Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The | | |
| Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the | | |
| Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever | | |
| published in America. | | |
| | | |
| CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL. | | |
| | | |
| Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) $4.00 | | |
| " " six months, (without premium,) 2.00 | | |
| " " three months, " " 1.00 | | |
| Single copies mailed free, for .10 | | |
| | | |
| We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRANG & CO'S | | |
| CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows: | | |
| | | |
| A copy of paper for one year, and | | |
| | | |
| "The Awakening," (a Litter of Puppies.) Half chromo. | | |
| Size 8-3/8 by 11-1/8 ($2.00 picture,)--for $4.00 | | |
| | | |
| A copy of paper for one year and either of the | | |
| following $3.00 chromos: | | |
| | | |
| Wild Roses. 12-1/8 x 9. | | |
| Dead Game. 11-1/8 x 8-5/8. | | |
| Easter Morning. 6-3/4 x 10-1/4--for $5.00 | | |
| | | |
| A copy of paper for one year and either of the | | |
| following $5.00 chromos: | | |
| | | |
| Group of Chickens; | | |
| Group of Ducklings; | | |
| Group of Quails. Each 10 x 12-1/8. | | |
| The Poultry Yard. 10-1/8 x 14. | | |
| The Barefoot Boy; Wild Fruit. Each 9-3/4 x 13. | | |
| Pointer and Quail; Spaniel and Woodcock. 10 x 12--for $6.50 | | |
| | | |
| A copy of paper for one year and either of the | | |
| following $6.00 chromos: | | |
| | | |
| The Baby in Trouble; The Unconscious Sleeper; The Two | | |
| Friends. (Dog and Child.) Each 13 x 16-3/4. | | |
| Spring; Summer: Autumn; 12-7/8 x 16-1/8. | | |
| The Kid's Play Ground. 11 x 17-1/2--for $7.00 | | |
| | | |
| A copy of paper for one year and either of the | | |
| following $7.50 chromos | | |
| | | |
| Strawberries and Baskets. | | |
| Cherries and Baskets. | | |
| Currants. Each 13x18. | | |
| Horses in a Storm. 22-1/4 x 15-1/4. | | |
| Six Central Park Views. (A set.) 9-1/8 x 4-1/2--for $8.00 | | |
| | | |
| A copy of paper for one year and Six American Landscapes. | | |
| (A set.) 4-3/8 x 9, price $9.00--for $9.00 | | |
| | | |
| A copy of paper for one year and either of the | | |
| following $10 chromos: | | |
| | | |
| Sunset in California. (Bierstadt) 18-1/8 x 12 | | |
| Easter Morning. 14 x 21. | | |
| Corregio's Magdalen. 12-1/2 x 16-3/8. | | |
| Summer Fruit, and Autumn Fruit. (Half chromos,) | | |
| 15-1/2 x 10-1/2, (companions, price $10.00 for the two), | | |
| for $10.00 | | |
| | | |
| Remittances should be made in P.O. Orders, Drafts, or Bank | | |
| Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be | | |
| sent from the first number, (April 2d, 1870,) when not | | |
| otherwise ordered. | | |
| | | |
| Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, | | |
| twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in | | |
| advance; the CHROMOS will be mailed free on receipt of | | |
| money. | | |
| | | |
| CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be | | |
| given. For special terms address the Company. | | |
| | | |
| The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of | | |
| seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A | | |
| specimen copy sent to any one desirous of canvassing or | | |
| getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamp. | | |
| | | |
| Address, | | |
| | | |
| PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | | |
| | | |
| P.O. Box 2783. | | |
| | | |
| No. 83 Nassau Street, New York. | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
[Illustration: CROCODILE TEARS.] | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| "The Printing House of the United States." | | |
| | | |
| GEO. F. NESBITT & CO., | | |
| | | |
| General JOB PRINTERS, | | |
| | | |
| BLANK BOOK Manufacturers, | | |
| STATIONERS, Wholesale and Retail, | | |
| LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers. | | |
| COPPER-PLATE Engravers and Printers, | | |
| CARD Manufacturers, | | |
| ENVELOPE Manufacturers, | | |
| FINE CUT and COLOR Printers. | | |
| | | |
| 163, 165, 167, and 169 PEARL ST., | | |
| 73, 75, 77, and 79 PINE ST., New York. | | |
| | | |
| ADVANTAGES. All on the same premises, and under | | |
| immediate supervision of the proprietors. | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| Tourists and Pleasure Travelers | | |
| | | |
| will be glad to learn that that the Erie Railway Company has | | |
| prepared. | | |
| | | |
| COMBINATION EXCURSION | | |
| | | |
| OR | | |
| | | |
| Round Trip Tickets, | | |
| | | |
| Valid during the entire season, and embracing | | |
| Ithaca--headwaters of Cayuga Lake--Niagara Falls, Lake | | |
| Ontario, the River St. Lawrence, Montreal, Quebec, Lake | | |
| Champlain, Lake George, Saratoga, the White Mountains, and | | |
| all principal points of interest in Northern New York, the | | |
| Canadas, and New England. Also similar Tickets at reduced | | |
| rates, through Lake Superior, enabling travelers to visit | | |
| the celebrated Iron Mountains and Copper Mines of that | | |
| region. By applying at the Offices of the Erie Railway Co., | | |
| Nos. 241, 529 and 957 Broadway; 205 Chambers St.; 38 | | |
| Greenwich St.; cor. 125th St. and Third Avenue Harlem; 338 | | |
| Fulton St. Brooklyn; Depots foot of Chambers Street, and | | |
| foot of 23rd St, New York; No. 3 Exchange Place, and Long | | |
| Dock Depot, Jersey City, and the Agents at the principal | | |
| hotels, travelers can obtain just the Ticket they desire, as | | |
| well as all the necessary information. | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| PRANG'S LATEST PUBLICATIONS: "Wild Flowers," | | |
| "Water-Lilies," "Chas. Dickens." | | |
| | | |
| PRANG'S CHROMOS sold in all Art Stores throughout the | | |
| world. | | |
| | | |
| PRANG'S ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE sent free on receipt of | | |
| stamp. | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| PUNCHINELLO. | | |
| | | |
| With a large and varied experience in the management | | |
| and publication of a paper of the class herewith submitted, | | |
| and with the still more positive advantage of an Ample | | |
| Capital to justify the undertaking, the | | |
| | | |
| PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO. | | |
| | | |
| OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK, | | |
| | | |
| Presents to the public for approval, the new | | |
| | | |
| ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL | | |
| | | |
| WEEKLY PAPER, | | |
| | | |
| PUNCHINELLO, | | |
| | | |
| The first number of which was issued under | | |
| date of April 2. | | |
| | | |
| ORIGINAL ARTICLES, | | |
| | | |
| Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs, or suggestive | | |
| ideas or sketches for illustrations, upon the topics of the | | |
| day, are always acceptable and will be paid for liberally. | | |
| | | |
| Rejected communications cannot be returned, unless | | |
| postage stamps are inclosed. | | |
| | | |
| TERMS: | | |
| | | |
| One copy, per year, in advance $4.00 | | |
| | | |
| Single copies .10 | | |
| | | |
| A specimen copy will be mailed free upon the | | |
| receipt of ten cents. | | |
| | | |
| One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other | | |
| magazine or paper, price, $2.50, for $5.50 | | |
| | | |
| One copy, with any magazine or paper, price, $4, for $7.00 | | |
| | | |
| All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to | | |
| | | |
| PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | | |
| | | |
| No. 83 Nassau Street, | | |
| P.O. Box 2783, NEW YORK. | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
| | | |
| THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. | | |
| | | |
| The New Burlesque Serial, Written expressly for PUNCHINELLO | | |
| BY ORPHEUS C. KERR, | | |
| | | |
| Commenced in No. 11, will be continued weekly throughout the | | |
| year. | | |
| | | |
| A sketch of the eminent author written by his bosom friend, | | |
| with superb illustrations of | | |
| | | |
| 1ST. THE AUTHOR'S PALATIAL RESIDENCE AT BEGAD'S HILL, | | |
| TICKNOR'S FIELDS, NEW JERSEY | | |
| | | |
| 2D. THE AUTHOR AT THE DOOR OF SAID PALATIAL RESIDENCE, taken | | |
| as he appears "Every Saturday," will also be found at the | | |
| same number. | | |
| | | |
| Single Copies, for sale by all newsmen, (or mailed from | | |
| this office, free,) Ten Cents. | | |
| | | |
| Subscription for One Year, one copy, with $2 Chromo | | |
| Premium, $4. | | |
| | | |
| Those desirous of receiving the paper containing this new | | |
| serial, which promises to be the best ever written by | | |
| ORPHEUS C. KERR, should subscribe now, to insure its regular | | |
| receipt weekly. | | |
| | | |
| We will send the first Ten Numbers of PUNCHINELLO to any | | |
| one who wishes to see them, in view of subscribing, on the | | |
| receipt of SIXTY CENTS. | | |
| | | |
| Address, | | |
| | | |
| PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, P.O. Box 2783. 83 Nassau | | |
| St., New York | | |
| | | |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ | |
Geo. W. Wheat & Co. Printers, No. 8 Spruce Street. | |
End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 23, | |
September 3, 1870, by Various | |
*** |