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ridiculous small-business plan encouraged by friends |
handwriting expert confirms killer used cursive |
religious pamphlet sat on |
beyoncé begins painful surgical transformation to prepare for role in live-action 'lion king' remake |
life: there are 10 pictures of scarlett johansson in this list, but a true gentleman would only look at 3 or 4 |
life: we asked 22 fbi agents about the biggest plate of crab legs they ever had to eat to establish their cover |
breakthrough drug eliminates crying in infants |
pursued drunk driver crafts brilliant 'don't stop' plan |
area man honored to have name in hat |
drowning is the number two cause of death for young children. here’s how to make it number one. |
report: you're supposed to tip supermarket cashiers, you son of a bitch |
jellyfish falls short of dream to kill diana nyad |
husband chooses car based on lowest passenger-side impact rating |
skeleton of mayan nerd dug from prehistoric locker |
5 places where disney could have hidden sexual imagery in ‘the emperor’s new groove’ if it’d had the fuckin’ stones |
12-year-old's christmas list demonstrates heartbreaking awareness of family's financial predicament |
de blasio courts iowa voters by winning ‘largest candidate’ at polk county fair |
nike unveils size-inclusive mannequin eating a 12-inch hoagie |
bush told to sign birthday treaty for someone named 'kyoto' |
your horoscopes — week of july 3, 2018 |
baltimore named city with best quality of pigeon life |
peta protests use of animatronic animals in commercials |
spend revenge website |
writer unwilling to admit his screenplay perfect fit for justin long |
area man coughs to let others know he's in bathroom |
stanford offering free tuition to students whose families make less than $125,000 |
office cheering on employee going for 32-minute nonstop work streak |
news: keeping jobs in america: trump has convinced an accordion player not to move to china |
pet gerbil has been absolutely crushing it lately |
autistic reporter, michael falk, enchanted by prison's rigid routine |
cher's 'believe' now faintly audible everywhere in america |
frustrated subway marketers scrap $150 million jeffrey epstein ad campaign |
report finds j. geils band's 'centerfold' will outlast you and all that you create in this life |
kidnapped teen freed, though freedom is its own kind of prison, is it not? |
man who can't get enough mucus enjoying winter season |
older brother playing with younger brother on swing set will one day con him out of $50,000 |
pope francis sneaks leftovers to false god moloch at back door of st. peter’s basilica |
relationship reaches point where breaking up, getting married would be equally huge hassle |
obama gently guides michelle’s hand as she maneuvers drone joystick |
good samaritan: man shouts sex talk to boy stuck at bottom of well |
historical archives: two feared dead in near-by child-birth |
news: abuse of power: gop senators have allowed the dairy lobby to dip the tax bill in milk |
how the iowa caucuses work |
kitchenaid announces it will lift ban on selling mixers to unwed women |
ape appointed banana czar |
10-year-old yelling at mom to watch cannonball while she's trying to scope out younger men at pool |
crowd feeling kind of silly now after spending all that time pleading rooftop sniper not to jump |
area love knows only court-ordered bounds |
27-year-old unsure whether he can pull off keeping framed picture of wife on desk |
pathetic hands subject to man's every whim |
report: 92% of americans would have gotten over ex by now |
heartbreaking: kidnapper is forced to destroy his autographed michael jordan poster to get a ‘d’ for his ransom note |
who the fuck is this? |
child entertained for 5 minutes by plastic toy that will take 1,000 years to biodegrade |
incredibly embarrassing: this guy got a gcal reminder to join isis right in the middle of a huge powerpoint in front of his company’s board of directors |
audience at press conference relieved to hear steps will be taken |
god demands cuter precious moments figurines |
the master at her canvas: mom just brought in a pretty average-looking rock from the woods that she says she will use in a ‘project’ |
father sits teenage son down to explain how sex with mom works |
man who forgot to buy valentine's day gift relieved to remember wife passed away years ago |
nation wondering why struggling mental health system can't just pull itself together |
department of transportation allocates $400 million for national shortcut |
pros and cons of raising the minimum wage |
the most underrated onion sketch in my honest opinion |
least avid sports fan tasked with fetching the next round |
town hall audience member asks clinton to quickly pivot away from his question and then state her platform |
new documentary focuses on life of eva braun's late husband |
dea seizes half-built suspension bridge from bogotá to miami |
'wheel of fortune' contestants hit hard as vowel prices skyrocket |
produce section bursts into laughter after will ferrell makes casual remark about apples |
clickventure: you’re usain bolt. can you win gold in rio and catch the olympic strangler? |
a beautiful story: guillermo del toro has mistaken a juggalo for an alien and taken him home to protect him from scientists |
dennis miller deeply concerned about long-distance service |
poll finds 30% of americans still undecided whether to vote out of fear or spite |
bangladesh runs out of people |
news: playing it safe: nate silver will spend the next month making easy predictions about apples in order to get his confidence back |
taco bell's five ingredients combined in totally new way |
heart attack a real wake-up call for man’s insurance provider |
how dare you waste time looking at these cool surfing gifs while trump occupies the white house |
beer aisle scanned for something asshole friend won't mock |
brave woman enters restaurant without first looking it up online |
hero cop receives hero's lap dance |
berkeley campus on lockdown after loose pages from ‘wall street journal’ found on park bench |
responsible gun owner keeps firearms safely locked away where only he can get them during mental breakdown |
scott pruitt claims misappropriated epa funds would have only been wasted on dumb shit like clean water |
boardroom begins to quake as black-eyed ceo announces vision for future of company |
area man thinks girlfriend's sister might be a little cuter |
sitcom on pbs assumed to be intellectual |
andrew luck vows to bring indianapolis fans another great pizza ad |
catholic teens still coming down after excitement of world youth day |
god admits stealing idea for messiah from zoroastrianism |
more cats made |
britain plummets to lowest value in world since 1580s |
bush tumbles wildly down washington monument staircase |
this has never made any sense. |
gunman kills 15 potential swing voters |
man burning in hell wishes he hadn't snickered at religious leaflet |
sci-fi fans argue the better of two as-yet-unreleased films |
report: sky normal today |
report: there nothing else in bottom of gift bag |