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lazy daredevil to lie across 12 couches |
decades of breathing really starting to catch up with chinese man |
frothing alex jones claims sexual harassment part of worldwide imbalance in gender power dynamics |
report: you know you are a fucking idiot, right? |
private eye's office ransacked for fourth time this month |
life: these letters between david bowie and stevie wonder show that they thought spider-man was the no. 1 threat to their careers |
feminism disaster: this gorilla at the zoo clearly has, like, six wives |
michael cohen completes first stage of intricate plan to break incarcerated brother out of prison from inside |
report: 87% of goldman sachs employees began job with plans to take down company from inside |
weird new cereal sets tone for first weekend at divorced dad's |
history teacher has unusual favorite president |
life: 5 pictures for my amateur photography class that accidentally captured shots of ufos, but i am really just looking for feedback on composition here |
elaborate sentence construction facilitates omission of word 'boyfriend' |
thousands return to unemployment following end of writers strike |
fingerprints on bathroom stall hopefully just menstrual blood |
disciplinarian parent annoying restaurant much more than unruly toddler ever could |
old onion vid |
music compels weak man to dance |
trump campaign denies doctoring photos showing him speaking to 1.8 million shooting victims at dayton hospital |
what it costs to host the olympic games |
fussy eater 38 |
area man pretty sure it's not broken |
world wildlife fund donors receive refund after western black rhino goes extinct |
nation's still-undecided voters: 'help, we can't get our car seatbelts off' |
trump: ‘i am a very stupid human being’ |
coca-cola marketing strategist named new united states pr laureate |
cricket located |
kennedy curse sure taking its sweet time with rfk jr. |
bush dies peacefully in his sleep |
cnbc cameraman can't believe he's filming another blog off a computer monitor |
man's relationship advice same as his hunting tips |
equifax impressed by hackers' ability to ruin people's finances more efficiently than company can |
new study reveals majority of americans want |
corpses of 'lone ranger' producers hung from hollywood blvd. street lights as warning to others |
ron paul elected ruler of planet inhabited by 1 billion tiny ron pauls |
israel agrees to creation of palestinian homeroom |
now that univision isn’t our corporate owner anymore, we’re free to rip into their dumbass logo |
factory-farm-to-table restaurant proudly serves locally tortured animals |
college roommates surprised to find dorm room has one king-size bed |
trump touts success of singapore summit after securing $10 billion trade deal to sell nuclear warheads to north korea |
area eyesore also a data technician |
‘i don’t fit into any of corporate america’s little boxes,’ says single, 18-to-36-year-old hispanic female with brand loyalty to tom’s, chobani |
study finds fewer americans than ever believe in snoopy |
ronald mcdonald statue bears full brunt of teenagers' mockery |
every way the u.s. can advance in the world cup |
unclear whether grandpa having good time |
pizza hut employee still hanging around after shift |
mercy hospital turns away uninsured patient |
newly discovered fossils reveal prehistoric humans were bony |
biden forges president's signature on executive order to make december dokken history month |
20,000 sacrificed in annual blood offering to corporate america |
area man, woman each have thorough list of why they should break up on standby |
'i used to look up to you,' shouts anguished flynn jr. running out of room after learning father a perjurer |
nasa issues formal apology for 1969 genocide of moon natives |
woman bids farewell to former self before beginning new skin care regimen |
stuff on floor |
meat industry introduces new easy-tear perforated beef |
fbi calls for increased surveillance powers to keep pace with evolving threat of presidential administrations |
area man regrets investing in facebook |
high school kicker finds it helpful to imagine football as object that needs to be kicked through goal posts in order to gain points |
nobody in ukraine notices absence of government |
calcutta fire marshal: many indian homes lack bride extinguisher |
pepsico marketing mix-up results in $300 million lemon-lime doritos campaign |
'new york times' apologizes for running anti-semitic comic strip 'shylock the shyster' for past 37 years |
ganymede totalled in three-moon pileup |
kanye west named new face of yeezy |
plastic bag still up in tree |
life: the trump boys are scrambling to clean up beer-soaked legislation after accidentally socializing healthcare during a rager they threw while their dad was gone |
the case for and against zoos |
news: taking action: the academy has built a well in hollywood that young actresses can whisper the name of their harasser into without fear of having their careers ended |
you’re 8 years old. can you acquire wine without getting arrested? |
new subreddit for writing clickhole-style content |
new tech-support caste arises in india |
area woman didn't say that; you said that |
cameraman strikes gold with tubby fan eating ice cream, dancing, holding baby |
man with big stick to lead russia |
man holding hands with pregnant woman must have weird fetish |
tips for getting out of debt |
advertising executive gets in touch with inner-child demographic |
blogger takes few moments every morning to decide whether to feel outraged, incensed, or shocked by day's news |
incredible! this man successfully pretended not to see his coworker at the supermarket |
kathryn bigelow - first woman to win oscar for best directress |
harper lee announces third novel, 'my excellent caretaker deserves my entire fortune' |
fbi can't bring themselves to bust guy torrenting every season of 'picket fences' |
tough farewell: man tearfully cooks breakfast meats on the blazing hot asteroid that landed on his elderly mother |
man on verge of self-realization instead turns to god |
man returning from vacation settles on single concise anecdote he'll tell everyone who asks |
lockheed martin engineer told to make it sear faces off faster |
steven spielberg claims he dislikes black actors to get out of cannes jury duty |
clinton gets full day's relief with one spray of flonase |
upcoming election deduced from sports illustrated content |
beijing air solidifies |
security guard makes passing women feel unsafe |
video: women tell period stories that hopefully toe the line between relatable to women and non-threatening for men |
awkward tension mistaken for sexual tension |
nation's poor bastards never even saw it coming |
text message a bit curt |
uncle greg to attempt comeback at family barbecue |
only two segways in town collide |
sensory homunculus diagram so fucking hot |