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7,314,001 | mommit | I feel the same way. My mom addressed her mental issues when I was in my early teens. It made a world of difference for her. She kept growing and my dad stayed the same. She definitely outgrew him. Now that I am a mother I realized how much my mom sacrificed to raise us kids and I was a dumb girl for ever judging her. It was her job to raise us, she had to set and enforce rules. She tried her best to overcome her mental illness, she still does. My Dad is the exact same person he’s always been, he’s fun but it gets old. He didn’t force himself to grow up, and blamed everyone else for his mistakes. My admiration for him has dwindled. I love him but he’s definitely lost his magic. |
7,314,002 | mommit | Wow, just wow! |
7,314,003 | mommit | I'm in the same mindset as you. My dad was a deadbeat turd who did *just enough* to trick his side of the family into thinking he was trying his best. I'm 31 and I still dwell on this shit. It's hard to be at peace. I'm fortunate enough that I don't have to see my dad though! |
7,314,004 | mommit | I'm so sorry for your loss! It's so difficult experiencing new parenthood while you are mourning the loss of yours. |
7,314,005 | mommit | This is absolutely my experience. After having my son the scales started to slowly fall from my eyes and I got more and more disillusioned with my parents and the shitty childhood that they pretend never happened. Then I found out I was having a girl for my second and oh boy did that start a chain reaction for me. I couldn't allow her to be treated the way I was. We are now low contact. Its funny how having kids showed me that although being a parent is hard, it's not really that hard to be kind to your kids, to listen to them, and to protect them. |
7,314,006 | mommit | I feel like I woke up one day, looked at my life and thought, "I don't want any of this and I don't want any of you" and tbh I've never regretted it |
7,314,007 | mommit | It's like you get a download when you become a parent- you don't know til you know |
7,314,008 | mommit | Thank you |
7,314,009 | mommit | That's the saddest thing I've read all day |
7,314,010 | mommit | It's so fucked how low the bar is and how all women wanted was even a little bit of help... Just a little bit more sleep, while the men took and took and took. |
7,314,011 | mommit | When we visited my grandmother when lo was 1 yr old, she nearly fell off her chair when my husband realized baby was wet and he voluntarily got up to change her diaper. She praised him during our entire trip. With lo # 2 she asks me in every conversation we have if he still changes diaper willingly. |
7,314,012 | mommit | This annoys me so much. My family does the same. Wow I’m so lucky my ex changed 1 diaper this week. And he didn’t even do it right so my lap is soaked. |
7,314,013 | mommit | And he didn't even think to ask a store employee...had to call her and interrupt whatever she was doing. Like how do you even function in society? |
7,314,014 | mommit | I do think with some elderly people it's best to just smile and be polite. We can't possibly understand how they lived and they can't really understand how much things have changed. My late mother in-law used to do things like give me laundry instructions and assume I'd do domestic tasks and stuff. She was barely literate, one of many children who grew up in poverty in a completely different generation. My father in law is still alive and hands me food to cook when I go there - with anyone else I'd get mad but he doesn't know any different and in his 80s is not about to become enlightened. |
7,314,015 | mommit | Mine only does the non-shitty ones. If it’s not he WILL call for me. He says it makes him gag. Oh, of course it does. Lol |
7,314,016 | mommit | I think the best person to ask is your wife honestly. Everyone’s situation is so different. For reference, here is what my husband and I do. He works as a dentist M-Tr, leaves the house at 8:30am and gets home by 6pm. He’s an associate so doesn’t have the fun business side to worry about yet. So once he’s home he’s home. I stay at home during the week, but just started back PRN as a speech lang pathologist at the nursing home I used to be full time at. I only work 3-4 hours on Fridays and Saturdays. During the week, I am the caregiver obviously until husband gets home. At that point, I try to have baby calm and napping or playing so that I can start dinner and husband can either help or keep baby entertained. Then husband will do a lot of the baby stuff while I do chores through the evening. Husband changes most diapers at this time. I breast feed, so that’s usually 2-3 times during the evening too. Eventually, I breast feed around 9pm. I then try to finish any other “have to” chores and then I lay down to sleep. Husband gives him a bottle of pumped milk around 11pm and stays on duty until 1am. Until this past week, our baby sucked at sleeping, so that was usually the only good rest I got. I would then take over at 1am until husband got home from work again. Recently however, he has gotten SO much better sleeping. I got up twice the night before, and none last night. I asked my husband how he wanted to do the night shift now a few days ago. He said he didn’t want to change it at all for now, that he knows baby is different night to night, and that I didn’t get any sleep for almost three months. For weekends…. On Fridays and Saturdays, I wake up with baby whenever he decides to get up. I wake up husband by 8:30am so I can get ready for work. I can technically go in whenever I want, but would rather get the day done. Husband takes over until I get back. I get home, wash up, and then we split it equally again. It often is him doing more baby stuff, and me doing more chores, but we check in with each other now to make sure the other is okay with it. It’s just nice to get a little break from constant baby interaction and move my body some. So that’s what works for us, but obviously way different work situation and also only one baby. Just ask your wife to take some time to think about your situation and see if she feels like it is as fair as possible |
7,314,017 | mommit | Mine too. Admittedly, I do see a lot more where my parents fell more into the gender roles they were raised with despite the fact that my mom also worked full time. It's not that my dad did nothing, but he could have done more. Still, he did so much for me and I felt his absolute unconditional love. In that way, I think my husband is killing it in every area. He's a partner through and through. He's not perfect, but neither am I, and we both put a lot of effort into working through that. I routinely tell my husband that I'm so glad my daughter has the best dad in the world, which is incredibly high praise coming from someone who held her dad in such high regard. |
7,314,018 | mommit | I mean my dad did. My parents stepped up together. Neither was the fun only parent. I would not qualify mucking horse stalls as the fun work (person you replied to used as an example). |
7,314,019 | mommit | I know, they're just in the tail end of the baby boomer generation so some people don't realize it. |
7,314,020 | mommit | Thanks! I realized later this doesn’t really relate to this thread but oh well! |
7,314,021 | mommit | Having kids is a deeply amazing wake up call about what is actually important and healthy. |
7,314,022 | mommit | This will really make you cry then - my grandfather bragged that he changed my dad’s diaper once and purposefully stuck him with the safety pin so that he would cry. My grandmother never asked him to change a diaper again. She went on to have 2 more children with him. (My father is 62 fyi). |
7,314,023 | mommit | Meanwhile, these same men were calling their wives a "nag" or "ball and chain!" These men spent decades totally dependent on their wives for every household and emotional need. And complained non stop! |
7,314,024 | mommit | Oh yeah there's tons i let go with her she's pretty educated and open minded for someone of her generation, but there are things that she just can't make sense of. My grandfather was similar to your FIL. Like he would be sitting at the table and comment like "there's no salt" and not move an inch - and of course my grandma would get up and get the salt. If my father did that, i think my mom would find that reasonable grounds to divorce lol. |
7,314,025 | mommit | >but he doesn't know any different and in his 80s is not about to become enlightened. This is how I feel when my grandpa refers to someone as "oriental"... I've tried, but he's 90, it ain't gonna happen. |
7,314,026 | mommit | Oh please. The non-shitty ones don’t even count! Baby and I made a pact that she will only poop for daddy. |
7,314,027 | mommit | And this is the generation my soon to be ex partner is comparing himself with. I am supposed to be grateful that he changes any diapers but doesn’t support the family or do half of the housework nor any of the critical thinking about making the house run smoothly or keeping the kids safe. |
7,314,028 | mommit | Jfc...he abused his child to avoid taking care of him. Taking weaponized incompetence literally. Fuck... |
7,314,029 | mommit | Good God. I hate men. Weaponized incompetence at its finest |
7,314,030 | mommit | My local mom group has a monthly “scream it out” at a park. |
7,314,031 | mommit | I just scream in my car when I’m alone, I’m sure I look insane lol |
7,314,032 | mommit | Midsommar vibes |
7,314,033 | mommit | This sounds so much better than the screaming I do alone in the inside. |
7,314,034 | mommit | What's most discouraging is that that tweet is from 2019. |
7,314,035 | mommit | [deleted] |
7,314,036 | mommit | Midsommar style |
7,314,037 | mommit | My 6 month old is pro at screaming into the floor in frustration at not being able to crawl. Me and his dad copy because his screaming is All. The. Time. It’s very cathartic. |
7,314,038 | mommit | Would be a nice change from screaming into my pillow |
7,314,039 | mommit | Btw, this is a thing now. And I’m here for it. https://www.nytimes.com/2022/01/23/us/mom-scream-massachusetts-pandemic.html |
7,314,040 | mommit | You could post this in r/witchesvspatriarchy. Sounds like a coven to me. |
7,314,041 | mommit | Rage rooms. They have them at the axe throwing places. Moms could totally f*** some shit up in a rage room. Make that a monthly group thing. |
7,314,042 | mommit | Omg yes please! |
7,314,043 | mommit | Any spaces left?? |
7,314,044 | mommit | I will start my own group if all of these spots are taken ladies!! |
7,314,045 | mommit | When I was a nanny, the two year old I watched would tell me "loud feelings." Really calmly before he'd start screaming like a fucking banshee. It was the funniest shit. |
7,314,046 | mommit | Sign me up |
7,314,047 | mommit | Count me in! |
7,314,048 | mommit | Damn, can I still join, or do I have to get on the wait list? Is it ok if I alternate between crying and screaming? |
7,314,049 | mommit | Alright |
7,314,050 | mommit | Okay, I’ll do it. |
7,314,051 | mommit | I am interested how do I sign up ? |
7,314,052 | mommit | I could use a good scream session. I’ll even bring water and hot tea to soothe the throat after |
7,314,053 | mommit | I just got off the phone with my husband telling him I need a literal punching bag. Yes. Yes to screaming it out. And punching things. |
7,314,054 | mommit | As a metal head and punk, we just have family room mosh pits. I have indeed tossed my 4 year old onto the couch during a Pig Destroyer breakdown. |
7,314,055 | mommit | This is exactly what I need today!! |
7,314,056 | mommit | What time? |
7,314,057 | mommit | We need one in NE Ohio - Portage county please!!! BYOP - Bring your own pillow (to scream into). |
7,314,058 | mommit | Me!! |
7,314,059 | mommit | Ahhhhhhhhh! |
7,314,060 | mommit | I would love to do this. Because I’m 30 weeks pregnant and still sick and I just want to scream sometimes out of frustration because of it |
7,314,061 | mommit | Yes yes yes!!!! Lol. I had a rough night with my 2 kiddos 🥹 |
7,314,062 | mommit | me 100% |
7,314,063 | mommit | I’m in |
7,314,064 | mommit | Me! |
7,314,065 | mommit | Where do I sign up!! lmao |
7,314,066 | mommit | That’s awesome |
7,314,067 | mommit | You're not in southern California, are you? Because I'd love to join |
7,314,068 | mommit | I need a mom group to do this with asap. My kind of therapy…. |
7,314,069 | mommit | I need this so badly right now |
7,314,070 | mommit | I need to be apart of this group |
7,314,071 | mommit | My daughter (14 months) and I have a “scream loudly” competition every day when we get home from daycare. She loves it, I feel great, bonding time. |
7,314,072 | mommit | Haha don’t feel bad, I do it too. |
7,314,073 | mommit | I rant at people I'm mad at and curse a lot and gesticulate. I'm sure I also look crazy, but it helps to get that stuff out. |
7,314,074 | mommit | If you ever need to talk. Message me |
7,314,075 | mommit | Username checks out. For me no sleep = lots of shower cries. |
7,314,076 | mommit | I’m sorry… |
7,314,077 | mommit | Come on |
7,314,078 | mommit | I’m here for it, js.. |
7,314,079 | mommit | I have heard about those. I would love to go to one! |
7,314,080 | mommit | Right?!? |
7,314,081 | mommit | Lol yes! |
7,314,082 | mommit | Sometimes you just have to get them out! |
7,314,083 | mommit | Done |
7,314,084 | mommit | Welcome! |
7,314,085 | mommit | Come on! |
7,314,086 | mommit | Hahaha sounds good to me! |
7,314,087 | mommit | I could use one often |
7,314,088 | mommit | That’s awesome There’s nothing wrong with a good mosh pit! |
7,314,089 | mommit | Me too! |
7,314,090 | mommit | Come on! |
7,314,091 | mommit | Getting started already |
7,314,092 | mommit | We’ll come on! I needed one of these yesterday |
7,314,093 | mommit | I’m sorry! Go find yourself a good place to scream, then let it out mama.. |
7,314,094 | mommit | Same |
7,314,095 | mommit | Everyone is welcome! Not just up to 7 |
7,314,096 | mommit | Man I want in on this too! I currently do it in the car on my way home from work at night lol. |
7,314,097 | mommit | I’m all the way in Indiana |
7,314,098 | mommit | Same! |
7,314,099 | mommit | I will start scream if lo drives me crazy. She cheers up because she thinks it’s funny will join in and I just relax. We just feel so much better afterwards. |
7,314,100 | mommit | It feels great! It’s usually not even an angry or frustrated scream. Sometimes you just gotta yell |