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mommit

Squeasy snacker

mommit

I love the simple modern ones from Amazon and exclusively wash them in the dishwasher. I've been using them for about 1.5 months and they're still in great condition.

mommit

I'm sure you can find some that are dishwasher safe. I bought some brand off Amazon years ago for my first daughter, and honestly I wish I had gotten different ones because the ones I got have very hard-to-reach creases and they aren't able to be sterilized. I still use them but I have to rrrreally get in there and make sure there's no food residue. So if you're looking for reusable pouches, make sure they are easy to clean haha

mommit

A bit off topic, but I saw the world/people very differently when I had my babies. As my life changed so did my perspective on things and this is a major change for you :)

mommit

Yes. Definitely... It also made me see my own partner differently. Once I'd given birth and started breastfeeding, it was like someone had wiped my eyes clean. I could finally see who he was. All of the red flags that I had explained away now became so glaringly obvious. In the end, it was too much and I couldn't get past the resentment. It also made me realise the struggles that my mum faced. The fact that she did struggle with us has also made her a better grandparent because she doesn't want me to have to go through the things that she did with us. She watches my daughter whenever I need her to and helps us financially in a big way too. We live with my mum since I split with my daughters dad. I don't know what we would do without her unwavering love and support. Mums are amazing people.

mommit

I realised much earlier in my life (14 / 15) that my mom deserved much better. Now that I have my own child, I wish (more so than before) that she was still alive, so I could tell her and SHOW her how thankful I am for everything she sacrificed for us, everything she did for us, even though she didn't have the support or knowledge. Even though she had a shitty husband at her side and no support from her family, she tried to raise us to the best of her abilities. I am thankful and fortunate to have such a good partner at my side! Edit: And it is more common than you'd think, even with the younger generations that should know better!

mommit

This is from a much older generation as my mom is 62 now but: My husband went to change our baby’s diaper at a family cookout a while back. I had to breast feed him while everyone else ate, so I was finally eating during that time too for context. My 90 yr old pretty liberal grandmother kind of jokingly but not jokingly said, “do you already have him doing diaper changes?!” Uhhh yes he helped create him sooo But apparently my grandfather only changed one diaper ever. I already knew he had only attempted cooking once when my grandmother was sick, and mom was little. What. I can’t imagine. I BF, so my husband changes a LOT of diapers when he’s home.

mommit

I’m the other end of the spectrum. I was/am such a daddy’s girl. My dad and I did everything together. From the minute he walked in the door from work I was all over him (and was one of three siblings, so he definitely never got a break). He never, ever complained. He was never too tired to have a catch with me or to help me muck horse stalls. If he had a task to complete I was at his side handing him tools and no doubt slowing him down. My partner now is a great father, but I hold him to such a high standard of how my dad treated me. My dad is still around an involved in our lives daily. My husband adores him but I’m sure it’s tough for him to be around the gold standard everyday. I didn’t post this to go on about how wonderful my life is. I just want women to know this exists. If you’re still looking for a partner, you can find someone who is the best of the best.

mommit

I think it depends on the person. My parents are in their 60s now so they are considered boomers. But when they had me my mom went back to work after only 2 weeks (after I gave her a level 3 tear, I don't know how she did it) my dad worked nights and took care of me and my 7 older siblings during the day. I asked her when he slept and she just said "I don't know". My first kid is 7 weeks old now and I see both of my parents differently now, in a good way.

mommit

I would say adulthood in general dulled my dad's sparkle in my eyes. My parents are both profoundly flawed people, but my mom's flaws were a lot more noticeable to a child, especially since she was the primary caregiver. As I've gotten older, I have been able to recognize my mom's problems for what they are (long-standing medication-resistant mental illness) instead of just how they impact me. My dad was "the fun parent" when I was little but cooled down to benign indifference by the time I hit about 10 years old...

mommit

Diehard daddy's girl growing up. Had a kid a few years ago. I now see my mum in a more positive light, and some of the sheen has gone from dad. Dad did fun stuff, and I love him, but mum did literally all of the work

mommit

My father was terrified to hold my son when he was a newborn, and when I commented that he hasn't held a newborn in many years, my mother said, "No, he has never held a newborn." At first I thought this was a joke, so I laughed, but my mother was serious and when I looked at my dad, he didn't argue. He NEVER EVEN HELD me or my brother when we were newborns. He says he was scared, but omg get over it??? I asked when he finally held me (I was firstborn), and he said once I was a month or so old. I just CANNOT IMAGINE my husband not holding our baby for a month!! Needless to say, my father also never changed diapers or anything for me. Once my brother came along, he changed some diapers but my mom was still the primary caregiver and housewife and all that, so yeah. Wow.

mommit

I wasn’t a daddy’s girl, but I saw my bio dad much differently after having my daughter. I actually don’t speak to him anymore.

mommit

My mom and I have a pretty tough relationship, and I am way more compatible with my dad. I was watching my two kids yesterday stewing over a current issue I have with my husband and just overall angry. That’s when it then hit me that my mom had endless patience with both of us while my dad refused to change a diaper or anything! And she was working to boot. For the first time in a long time I felt appreciation for my mom.

mommit

I never had any respect for my father from the very beginning. Hate it, but having a kid makes me respect him even less than I did. So I'm the opposite of a Daddy's girl I guess. He never did anything to help my Mom, and my Mom made all the money. I'm trying to be at peace with my feelings for him because he triggers me so hard when I go to their house for visits. So thankful my partner is the polar opposite.

mommit

Yep absolutely. My dad refused to change my diaper since I was a girl, but he also didn't change any of my brother's diapers... Interesting. He left my mom alone at the hospital after she had given birth to me (traumatic emergency c section where we both almost died) and just...didn't tell her. He fell asleep on the couch and just didn't go to the hospital til the morning. He told me this story as a warning to go easy on my husband (who is NOTHING like my dad, thank God) all annoyed that my mom yelled at him the next day. I was like yeah, I would've have yelled at you too, asshole. He wasn't around much and my mom suffered from really bad PPD, which turned into prescription drug abuse and has overdosed 3 times that I know of. My cousins who are older than me said that her having children completely changed her, she wad the fun aunt who always took her nieces places, she was happy and fun and wonderful. I never got to experience that side of her. My childhood was not fun and I was terrified of motherhood because of it. Luckily my experience has been so different from hers. She's doing better now and living with my elderly grandparents, but I can't stop thinking that my dad ruined her life by being a shitty partner. It makes me look at him different.

mommit

I’ve always been a daddy’s girl, but that hasn’t changed if anything it’s gotten worse haha. My parents are still together and both shared the role of raising me and my brother, but when I was around 5 my mom went back to work full time and my dad was the one who stayed home with us and would make us dinner and put us to bed. He has always been so gentle and kind and now having my own daughter and about to have another he’s the best paw paw ever and I couldn’t imagine having anyone else for a father! I love my mom just as much, again if not more now after how my own children and realizing how much work goes into being a mother, but my dad and I just have a different bond!

mommit

I realize what a gem my dad was. I thought it was normal for dads to be very involved with raising kids. They had 3 of us within 3 years, and my mom was a SAHM. My dad didn’t hesitate to send my mom to her sister’s house for a week when my youngest sister was still a baby because my mom was getting burnt out. He changed diapers and cooked dinners and cleaned. My mom did more of those because she was home more, but they seemed to have a good balance when they were both around. He is not perfect, and he never did learn how to do a ponytail, but overall he was an awesome dad. And he never gave any sign that he might have wanted a son instead of all daughters, even whenever anyone was like “ohh your poor dad.” (Hearing that still makes me want to strangle people.)

mommit

Absolutely. Always been a daddy’s girl and he was my favorite parent until I was probably 16, when I started appreciating my mom more. But he was a long distance parent. My mom moved to another state after they divorced when I was about 3, my brother 6ish. He didn’t fight, he didn’t move to be closer to us. Just accepted it. We saw him during the summer. But now that I have my perfect son…how can a parent do that? Only see your children 2 months out of the year? I’ve lost all respect for him. Every time he says “don’t forget I raised two kids too I know what I’m doing” I just laugh inside. Nope you got to live as a bachelor while my mom did everything for us.

mommit

If anything it made me respect my boomer dad even *more*. I didn't realize that he was the one handling bottle feedings until my parents came to babysit and my mother was like, "I don't know how this works, you feed her," to my dad when I was explaining how to make a bottle of formula. My mother also put my baby's diaper on backwards and insisted they must've "changed" them over the years. Meanwhile my father was quietly knocking it out of the park and giving my husband some pointers. This isn't meant to be a diss on my mother, she was phenomenal with other things, but it made me realize that my dad was not the norm for the time. It's hard now because he had emergency spinal surgery and can't use his limbs and needs to relearn everything, and I know he wants to hold my baby again.

mommit

Interestingly, I had the opposite feeling! When I gave birth to my first son I was living with my parents and my boyfriend. My boyfriend had to use his one week of vacation as his paternity leave and after that I was going to be alone. My dad was laid off from his job during that week. It hurt the household financially but I’m very grateful that my dad was home. He would make me breakfast every morning, helped me with the baby when I needed to eat/sleep/pump/shower, and even taught me a few things being a new mom. Growing up I had a very love/hate relationship with my father. It was hard. I had a lot of growing up to do in my late teens and my relationship with my dad was pretty strained until I graduated high school. I wasn’t a daddy’s girl until I was 19. Now my dad is my BFF and seeing him be a grandfather is one of my favorite things ever. He absolutely adores my son, they do everything together. My dads been out of town for the last month for a job and he’s coming home this weekend. Baby boy #2 is ready to come any day now, and I’m so excited for my son to see his Pop Pop! My parents told me that having a grandchild was a different kind of love, but becoming a parent gave me a new type of love and respect for my own parents. Just typing this out has made my heart feel so full and happy today. OP, I’m sorry you may not have had the same experience as mine, but I want to thank you for giving my mind the opportunity to reflect and be grateful for what I have.

mommit

A bit yes. I'm not sure what my dad did while we were babies. He did work full time rotating shifts or midnights. My mom did not speak highly of his when we were young. But her sister did. So I truly don't know. My mom died in October, so I can't ask her now. And him with my daughter is kind of hilarious. Like someone holding a thin paper mache doll. But when we were older. He did everything with us. And eventually was the sole supporter of our family. A lot of time my mom was barely involved in any activities outside of the house. She had a bad back and was considered disabled. She became a very bitter person. But having a baby is hard. I wouldn't be able to do it by myself.

mommit

My dad was really immature and had a sensitive ego. I felt sorry for him and tiptoed around his ego. I thought he was needy and sensitive. He was a loser but i just thought oh he's a weak man. He was loving and caring and careful especially to children especially his own children. He was charming but could also be icy cold angry occasionally hot angry. So I guess he was a lot and I kind of appreciated that he was a character even though I didn't admire him. After I had my kid I wondered how my poor parents got through it all. I know my dad helped with us babies (twins). But after my son was a few years old I realized my dad was pathetic. It's not that hard to suck it up and be a real grown up. He needed to be responsible, respectable, and control himself. But he didn't. I don't even know the word for how pathetic that is and I can't believe I was brainwashed into thinking a father's ego is a fragile thing that we need to work around.

mommit

I have a bit off a different situation going on. Over the years of my childhood, my mom told me about my dad. The truth was he went to jail for selling drugs. She didn’t necessarily bad mouth him, but she didn’t hold back what her truth of it was. When I got older, we reconnected due to a court case for child support. It was an amazing reconnection & I was able to get his side of the story & we bonded. I lived with him twice when I was down on my luck. He was great until I got to the present where he has constantly let me down & it’s becoming more clear than ever that my mom is & was always the GOAT.

mommit

The bar for dads is literally on the floor, and I think I'm in the minority because my dad and I spent a lot of time together, especially when I got older. My dad was also the one that worked, so he didn't contribute as much while I was an infant. But he did do night wakeups on the weekend, he did change some diapers. Learning that my FIL, on the other hand, did none of that made me realize that my dad may have been the exception for dads in the 90s. Which just makes me sad that it was apparently a big deal for the father to do 2/7ths of the work.

mommit

Having a child really evolved my world view. Here’s an interesting anecdote: A few weeks ago, our church’s priest was speaking about a trip he made to a monastery in our state. While there, he observed an elderly monk who had trouble moving. However, he faithfully came into the sanctuary ten minutes early before each of the day’s seven prayer services so that he could reach his spot in time for everyone else to enter. Our priest said he was so moved by this elderly monk staying faithful to his duties, day in and day out, without any hope of recognition from the outside world. After the service, I shared this little anecdote with my mom. She and I both got a really good laugh out of it! If only that priest could walk in the shoes of a mother…

mommit

I think it's a generational thing to be honest. When my daughter was born all I heard from MIL was how FIL "never even changed a diaper" bc she was "amazed" at how involved DH is. I finally made a comment regarding how I was so glad we weren't living in the dark ages anymore and the comments stopped. We're due to have another baby and MIL brags about showing FIL how to change a diaper on a teddy bear bc LO is still in diapers and they'll be taking care of her when the baby is born. DH and I think that it was more likely she wanted control vs. him not being willing to change a diaper. The man was an engineer and I think he'll be able to figure it out. Even though my DH and I are the same age, my parents are considerably younger than my in-laws. My dad was very involved by comparison.

mommit

I will never understand why the bar is so low for fathers

mommit

Yes but opposite. Although I was always a daddy's girl, I didn't appreciate really what my dad did for us. He worked insane hours (sole breadwinner) but never missed a recital, was always the coach of our little league teams, never complained when I woke him up to drive me to school because I slept late. Now I'm the main breadwinner, I work a lot of hours to provide for our family, and not only do I recognize how physically exhausting it is, but emotionally too. I hate that I can't be there every minute. It breaks my heart that some days I see my daughter for less than an hour total. No matter how tired I am, if she gets up, I get up with her because those precious moments in the morning before I have to leave for work, I wouldnt trade for the world. This isn't to minimize or downplay the role my mother played as a SAHM or the role my husband takes on as a work from home Dad and primary care giver. That is equally as exhausting and important.

mommit

I am sorry that this was your experience. For me, it was somewhat the opposite. My mom always swore she did everything (which physically yes) but both her and my dad were abusive to my sister and I, and each other. She turned us against my father and I despised him for many years. It sucked because the reality was that she was just as mean to him as he was to her. All toxicity.. After I had my now 7yr old, I learned to stick up for myself and set boundaries with my mom. She doesn’t like it but I never let walk all over me. I love her but I realized that she was controlling and abusive to me for so long. With my dad, he turned to religion and changed for the better. I had a basic relationship where I would see him once a year and we finally stopped fighting. When my son was around 3 (I was 24) I started being more open with my dad and would have some deep conversations about our mental health and past etc. He died last year (he was only 50) when I was 26 (my 2nd was 5weeks old). He got to meet her and I have wonderful memories. Tbh I am glad I had my children young because it quickly helped me recognize my parents as people rather than “my parents”.

mommit

Generally speaking people with fewer hardships and responsibilities are more more fun and lighter on their feet. This is why I favored my dad when I was younger.

mommit

I’ll admit my dad was very hands on growing up. He had a very high powered career as a bank executive and my mom was a stay at home mom and I still remember him changing our diapers and feeding us when growing up. Maybe that’s the bare minimum I expected from my life partner because of it. My brother is the same. Very hands on. But after seeing my friends partners not lifting a finger during their pregnancy I realized that the men in my family were the exception, and I’ve appreciated them more because of it.

mommit

My dad died when my baby was 3 months old, so it’s just been heart break ever since. I miss him endlessly.

mommit

I remember telling my sisters that I would want to live with dad if my parents split and they thought I was crazy. I was the daddy's girl through and through. I have a kid now and call him kodak grandad. He's only there for the picture perfect moments. He's never changed a nappy, never put her down for a nap, he only invites us to join him on outings that he enjoys, he doesn't factor in her needs at all. He is phenomenally selfish and my mother was a Saint. My biggest regret in life is not realising this while my mother was alive.

mommit

My dad was the one doing all the things so yeah even though he died almost a year ago, he’s still my fav. My mom has seen my son twice. She doesn’t call, she doesn’t FaceTime, she only asks for pictures and videos periodically. At this point my step mom has spent more time with him than my mom. Not all moms are maternal. I’m glad you realize the work that went into raising you and I hope you have the opportunity to let her know you appreciate it.

mommit

My dad upon my birth started working night shifts so he could take care of me during the day. As I got old enough for daycare he’d pick me up and care for me (albeit poorly he’d take me to fast food so he didn’t have to make me a snack). My dad was with me more than my workaholic mom. But my dad didn’t contribute in the house either. He worked less, made less, never made dinner, rarely cleaned etc. I always felt bad for my mom especially when he would be sooo ungrateful at times. I never favored my dad but he was the one who was around doing the kids stuff.

mommit

Yea I think I have mixed reviews with my dad. My mom has told me he was pretty involved with us as a babies, me more than my brother I think. I was a bad sleeper as an infant and he stayed up with me every night. I think he helped but mom did more. Then as we got older, esp teens, he obviously didn't know how to interact with us. He was never very outwardly affectionate but he showed his love through food, cooking for us, getting the foods we liked despite price (fruit for me and quality meats for brother, both expensive things for our financial situation), and being involved with lots of school events. He died before I had kids but I would have loved to see how he was with them. I think he really liked babies.

mommit

I’ve always been the opposite of a “daddy’s girl.” My dad and I struggle to get along and we were estranged for a period of time. Loving him has never been easy and if he weren’t my dad, I’d not have him in my life. My mom and I get along great and always have, and much of my childhood I honestly wish they’d just divorce. My husband is amazing with our son and has changed my view of what dads are like. It isn’t normal for your dad to not want to say he loves you because he “doesn’t like that mushy stuff.” It’s ok for a dad to show affection to his kids (he never showed much affection to my sister and me, and I can only imagine if he had a boy the lack of affection he’d show…). But I totally relate to the way that having a child changes your view of your own parents.

mommit

if you told your mom this I think her heart will melt. I was raised by a single mother and definitely haven’t shown my appreciation for all that she’s done for me as much as I should. Thank you for the reminder. Now that I’m a mom myself, it really is eye opening. I’m sorry you don’t have the support of a hands on partner, but you are incredibly strong and it’s so admirable that you made the decision to split because that’s what’s best for you and baby. Way to go.

mommit

I’ve never been a daddy’s girl but I was definitely harder on my mom, I think because deep down I trusted my mom and knew she would do anything for me. I remember her asking me as a teenager why I took my anger out on her. I regret giving my dad the easy pass because it was my mom that did soo much for us.

mommit

when I was working overnights and I had a toddler& a newborn at home everyone always asked me who had them. uh, their dad. “oh wow, I wouldn’t trust mine with the kids all night, every night! they’d starve or live off chicken nuggets!” if I couldn’t trust my baby dad to take care of the kids in my absence I would not have had so many with him

mommit

Em my dad is amazing. He was the one who changed our nappies , did the night feeds, bought the tampons we needed, did the shopping and the ironing . He rarely cooked because he was so bad but you cant be all things so no big deal However my FIL would be like this. He is a lovely guy but anything like nappies or bottle is a nono. I reckon I'd I pushed him he would do it but he wouldnt volunteer

mommit

Yes but I already had noticed this and had to work through a lot of resentment for what it showed me as a female growing up. My dad was a lovely person and provider who loved us very much but not involved in parenting at all. I saw the toll it took on my mom and their relationship and then of course the children. And as a daughter, I felt the females were taken for granted not respected and males were held on a pedestal in my family growing up. I swore better for myself and my daughter and have done so but still struggle to not emulate the pattern. It’s my goal that my daughter should have much higher standards set by an example of a father not a counter example. We both agree on this though and so we both work on being better- me about asking for help (of which I was never modeled) and him about hearing me and anticipating things, taking the same level of responsibility for her care. It hurts to see in your parents and self but I think it can change drastically with each generation.

mommit

I had my daughter and my world realigned. My perspective changed on so many things.

mommit

Reading these comments are really opening my eyes. I cannot believe thats how it was once upon a time! Is it story time? OK story time. Lots of back story, I don't expect many people to get to the end lol but it feels good talking about it so this is for me if anything. It was a conflicting thing for me. (We arent together now or the last few years but) Our first kid..well it was a fling. We didn't even know eachother and the circumstances that set us up were..less than appropriate. Anyways not long after I got pregnant I learned he had some issues with drugs (I would later come to find out I also am an addict and always was but was too idiotic to tell there was no difference only because his was a harder drug) so I cut him off because he was going crazy. And it's beautiful really ☆ my best friend, who currently is my best friend for 12 years but at the time only 6 years, literally stepped up in every way. She got a job and she took care of me while pregnant. She was a better baby daddy than most that I have encountered. She cut the umbilical cord, stayed with me in the hospital and helped with the baby, stayed at my house while he was a new born, God I'm tearing up lol! She was and stillis so supportive and amazing. I wish I had showed my appreciation more but it's OK I've been trying to make up for this next part ever since. When l/o was about 3 months old his dad showed up at my doorstep and I subconsciously was expecting this and honestly hoping for it. So we started out just him getting to know him and babysitting so I could go feel like me again. And I fell in love with him being a father to my son. {Insert severe daddy issues story here} watching him want to change diapers and feed bbyboy and just indulge in caring for our son. I grew further and further from my best friend and basically left her high and dry. I'll never forget these awful words I said "I have a family now, dont you understand?" God even rewriting those words pisses me off. I will forever resent myself for what I did there. Needless to say I went down a bad path with kids dad. A year and a half later I got pregnant again. Crazy it wasn't an accident. I knew we weren't doing right and I wanted to make sure my son had someone to understand completely if we ever ended up losing them in some way. And baby daddy really just wanted to experience me pregnant and the birth of his child (which my best friend attended this birth too like the Saint she is but as expected wasn't as involved) He softened up so much when I was pregnant. Didn't want to fight. Just took care of me like my best friend did but it felt different obv because the romance. We have a daughter now too and once again I got to witness him fall in love with and care for a baby this time from the start. I remember being told by his mom "you're so lucky that he wants to do these things. His dad was not involved at all, he just worked and drank." So even though I was aware these were normal things, in fact I watched my little brothers' dad take care of my younger brothers when they were born too, I still felt so "blessed". even though he didn't carry out the rest of the tasks like straighten up and get help and obtain a job to support us..he still loved his children so much it was wonderful in my eyes. But guess what. He still never got his shit together. I somehow managed to separate from him and work on getting me straight. He left for another state w his mom a few years ago cause he still hasn't manned up enough to face his issues and better himself and become independent. He FaceTime with the kids sometimes. They saw him twice last year and will once this year too. I have no doubt he loves them but hes not even achieving the bare minimum. Especially as they grow and develop. I'm trying to be enough emotional support playing as 2 parents for 2 kids because they require that! So even though he did all those cute lil things when the kids were babies. Even though I know he would help with cooking and cleaning and playing with them if he were here now. None of that matters because he is not here. And I can relate directly with my kids in the question of "why wasn't I enough for my dad?". They will learn as they get older. But as a parent I cannot imagine not being in my kids lives to the full extent. I can't wrap my head around the way it worked in the old days. I wouldn't want any of that. I'd do literally anything including being temporarily homeless, which wouldn't last because I would obv get a job to fix it and provide a stable environment for them, I'd do it all just to be present. And if some how it wasn't and never would be possible..then I'd just cease my existence. They are the reason I exist.

mommit

I didn't realize as much when I was a child. It didn't help that my mom was genuinely personality disordered or something, and it made it harder to empathize with her. But I see now how much work was really on her shoulders, and how incompetent and useless my dad was. My dad went to work, came home, plopped down and didn't do shit. I can only recall my dad really spending time with us on a few occasions. He wasn't a go to school functions kind of dad, he didn't help with homework, he didn't take us out so my mom could have alone time, etc. I always had the impression he barely changed a diaper, certainly didn't cook. My mom mowed the lawn until my brother was old enough. My dad never had to do housework at home.

mommit

My dad is still my hero and becomes more my hero as I read what terrible dads other people had. My dad had to change us... He was/is my parents main cook. We cleaned together on Saturdays. He taught me how to repair things and what I did not know I could go find. My dad is my hero and at 65 he is one of my favorite people on the planet... next to my nugget who cries if I move a foot away from him.

mommit

I love my dad and I know he loves me but my husband has shown me that my dad could have done more. I am very lucky to have someone who sees himself as a parent and is very involved with our little one. Nappy changing, bath time and nap time. We share it all.

mommit

Not a daddy's girl, but between two bad parents he's the one I still speak to. I've tried to ask him questions abot what I was like as a kid and it's become clear- that man did not raise me. I wish my mom was less abusive so I could talk with her

mommit

Yes, becoming a mother has made me have less respect for both my parents and love my partner even more.

mommit

Yes, but in the opposite way. My parents are boomers, but my father was extremely hands on and my parents definitely shared the parental load. I assumed other fathers were the same and it wasn’t semi-recently I learned this was not the case. My father can go on forever with stories about us as babies and growing up, but my FIL can barely say anything about my husband. What I thought was ordinary growing up turned out to be extraordinary. My love and respect for my father has only grown.

mommit

I'm still a diehard daddys girl, my parents split up when I was 3, after that my mom always spent more time with her boyfriends than her children, she moved to Mexico when I was in grade school and didn't tell my dad about it till she moved to Cali, I visited her twice when I was in high school, my step-mom didn't really want children so she treated me and my brother pretty badly (she's a lot better now, and I have a better relationship with her, she also has 2 kids of her own and how she treats them is a whole other story) so basically my dad was the only parent I truly loved and looked up to, he worked hard to provide for us and never yelled at us. He's always been there for me, and gets so happy when I tell him I love him.

mommit

Ugh yes. I was also a huge daddy's girl - so much so that I remember a school project growing up to write about your hero and I wrote about dad, and mom got so upset. I didn't understand why at the time but man do I feel awful about it now. My dad traveled M-F every week (sometimes for longer) and mom was left alone to care for the two of us. After having my own daughter and realizing my 'super involved dad' doesn't remember anything from infant stages, literally balks/runs from dirty diapers, and just generally is not informed it really took some sheen off of him but also I have no clue how my mom survived it. I'm hardly surviving with my actually super involved husband, relatively nearby family, and single good-sleeper baby. I swear not a day goes by that I don't feel more and more guilty for how I unfairly judged my mom growing up...

mommit

I certainly wasn't a daddy's girl, but I do have new respect for my mum and am not quite so resentful of her not doing better, I see now how hard she had it. My dad did nothing, except cause stress probably, he apparently wouldn't push a pram and I don't remember him ever doing housework. She had no help from anyone, and managed to bring up three daughters, as well as babysitting other kids as there was no childcare available for her to do other work. I realise now that although I had less than many of my friends she did her best to give us a good start in life and encouraged us to study and be independent. She also made home made birthday cakes, and even made us clothes sometimes, when I can barely muster the energy to make dinner.

mommit

I was a daddy's girl because as a kid I didn't understand that while he wasn't the one beating me, he never stopped my mom so he was almost as bad as she was. In my idiot kid head I figured he had to be the better parent because I didn't have bruises and scars because of him. I don't know what he did when I was small, he's the oldest of 5 kids so he probably did more than his peers.

mommit

My dad was always a loving father. And my sister and I adored him. But my mother raised us. She did the hard work of parenting while he got the fun of the play. I always found it unfair that my mom didn’t get fun playtime with us because she was so tired from parenting us all day and night. And while he would stay up with us when we had a fever, and still did until we left home. Again, my mom carried the majority of the load. I realized this all when I was younger. But it never really hit hard until I had my daughter. My husband is the same and it’s just opened my eyes to so much.

mommit

My dad worked his ass off for us, but he was gone a lot because of it. I hate that he missed out. But what really crushed me was when my mom shared that after me and my siblings were out of the house he was devastated he missed so much. I do a lot of the parenting for our LO. Dinner, bath time, bed time, those are all just me every night. But hearing my dad be so sad about missing out on the little things, I make sure I offer them to my partner regularly. Maybe he won’t do as much, but he’ll have those memories of his own time with our kids.

mommit

I wasn’t so much a daddy’s girl, but I definitely saw my parents differently once I had my son. I knew my mom busted butt to take care of us, while juggling an alcoholic abusive husband, and having a career. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, as now I’m juggling two kids solo. (I won’t divulge info on their father) It’s hell, and I have no idea how my mom did it. I find a lot of envy with friends who have husbands who actually help out with their kids, who are active participants in their lives, who want to play with them and read to them. It gives me hope that maybe I’ll stumble on a partner who’ll treat us similarly.

mommit

I was and still am a daddy’s girl even though he died recently. But, yes I saw him and all men VERY differently after having babies. I think he only realized how bad/absent he had been to my mom when he saw me positively suffer with my first colicky newborn.

mommit

Not really. He was a great dad when I was little. He’s been a great grandpa so far. He helped us move just 2 days before our baby was released from the nicu. He bought the stroller/car seat combo thing, the monitor and helped me put together some of the baby furniture. My husband put together stuff too but he was working full time so he put together the essentials. He was just basically super helpful after and has be very careful with his grandson even once didn’t want to come over because he was feeling a little sick. Even tho he drove 6 plus hours to come visit. He just felt sick the morning after he got here.

mommit

Yeah, I realize how my father was absent even before he actually left us, he was like the fun one when I was a kid and I’d look forward to seeing him and thinking he was the best. Now I see he just prioritised himself over his kids and would go work or go out whenever something was difficult and leave my mother to do all the parenting difficult stuff.

mommit

So my dad left when my sister was 2, I was 6. It never bothered me much growing up so I wasn't super affected by his absence. Then I had my own child and as soon as he was born I couldn't imagine just leaving him. No matter how hard it gets I still want my boy with me at the end of everyday, I don't get how someone can just create children and the leave, not bothering to make contact more than once every 5 years

mommit

I was never a daddy’s girl, but I routinely tell my mom that she deserves a sainthood for not murdering my dad let alone having a second child with him after me. My husband is an excellent dad and very involved but still drives me absolute crazy sometimes with parenting. My dad probably wouldn’t have had kids had he been a millennial and realized it was optional.

mommit

I wasn’t a daddy’s girl, but I lost (additional) respect for my dad in becoming a parent. I had/have a poor relationship with my father. When I was pregnant I heard three stories on repeat, about how much he “helped”. He didn’t, and my mother affirmed that (although I suspected it). I knew it wasn’t what I wanted in a partner and fellow parent. I want my daughter to be a daddy’s girl - I want her to have all the love and adoration and respect for her dad that I never had for mine. But because my husband deserves it. Not only does he love her unconditionally but he takes care of her in a way my dad never ever did. Changes every diaper he’s home for. Wakes up with me when I feed her just to check on us. Puts her to bed at night. Plays with her and makes sure she gets tummy time. Everything I’m sure my mom wanted in my father.

mommit

Here’s the thing, I think men just think women are so awesome at doing all things with taking care of children and that they as men would suck at it that they leave it to the “pros” (half-sarcasm)

mommit

The final review of your parenting can only be completed after your kids are grown and can tell you how you did/see clearly themselves imo.

mommit

My dad did nothing when I was a baby and was barely there for us while growing up. My childhood memories of him (at home) were of the living room TV playing some kind of war movie/documentary and him snoring in the chair that was HIS CHAIR DO NOT TOUCH. If you changed the channel he would wake up and shout loudly. My mom, however, did everything for us and worked full-time, and volunteered for all the things we did. I always knew who was the one who made an effort in my family. Now that I’m a mom and my little one is almost a toddler. My mom comments on how my partner helps with everything with our kid. My dad didn’t change a single diaper. When I was about five, she went away for a family funeral and my dad didn’t even give us a bath. We had lice. It’s just mindboggling to me that she stayed with him as long as she did (they divorced when I was in high school). Honestly, my partner was so good with our little one. He did tummy time after every feeding so that she was sitting up and rolling over really early.

mommit

It’s crazy to me how some Father/Dad never changed a diaper especially if he has 5 kids! I didn’t grow up with a father and when i got pregnant with our first my heart melts when my husband stepped up asking nurses to teach him to swaddle and change diaper. I got so overwhelmed after having our son that i was at that point i was so scared of changing his diaper or swaddling him. My husband did all this until i could get use to it. He comes in every appointment since pregnancy and overall such an amazing Father to our son.

mommit

I was never a daddy's girl but I certainly see the role of a dad much differently now. My dad definitely gave me lifelong damages especially regarding authority figures. He was harsh and standoffish though is thankfully a better grandpa than he ever was a dad. Meanwhile, my husband is everything I could have hoped for for my daughters. He loves them and he makes sure that they know it (or will because our youngest is only 4 days old). Nothing is ever too much of an ask. He's empathetic and patient and gentle and protective and exactly what they deserve in a paternal figure. I'm so grateful that they have him and that I'm not passing my trauma along to the next generation.

mommit

No. Not at all.

mommit

My dad was as good of a dad as he could be, he worked hard to provide for us, and he was super involved in our lives until he was deployed and came back from a war a different person. I don’t hold it against him and I know he did sacrifice a lot for us. But motherhood has made me WEEP for my mom. An emergency c section with my brother and a planned one with me, her mom was dead way before either of us were born, her father died shortly after I was born. Her older brother lived on the other side of the country so she was completely immersed in my dads family, but still not having HER family just makes me so sad for her. She’s been trying to move back to me since she found out I was pregnant just because she wants to give me the support she didn’t have. I’m happy she got to be here and in the room when I gave birth and that she got to spend so much time with my daughter. That woman is a saint and I can’t wait for one of those senior housing apartments to open up for her to be close to us all the time.

mommit

My Dad was a boomer, so he never saw his own dad do a single baby-related chore. He helped my mom a lot more than their parents, but make no mistake, he was just helpful, he didn’t take ownership of anything. He saw how much my husband did, and was *so* proud of him, and thought it was so much healthier for everyone - mom, baby, AND dad. He died not long after my eldest’s first birthday, and never met his other grandkids. He would have loved a second chance

mommit

100%. I was always on my dads side and his defender when my mom or family would say things about him. Now as a mother and a wife I realize how screwed up my dad was. I’ve basically switched to no contact with him. He’s only allowed to follow me on Instagram to see pictures of the kids but I’ve never replied to any of his many messages. My mom did so much with so little and I’m realizing all the magic of my childhood was her.

mommit

I straight up to his face told my father in law I would be ashamed to be so proud of being useless when he bragged that his gag reflex was too bad to change diapers.

mommit

Becoming a parent changes things and honestly really puts life into perspective. We see it for what it really is and not what we thought it was. You have every right to feel that way. Give extra love and thanks to your mom They are the true superhero’s!!

mommit

It was more of a viewing him through a woman's eyes than it was becoming a mother myself. My dad was a fantastic parent, but a really gross man with a sex addiction and horrible behavior when it came to women. One of his favorite things to do was point out a random woman on the street, especially blondes, and say "Look at those boobies!" Embarrassing even as a kid, but absolutely disgusting as an adult woman.

mommit

My dad treats my mom like crap and idk how she stays, I will always love them both but my mom was our main care taker and to see her go through so much heartbreak and how much she loves my dad is physically hurting. Also I know eventually I’m going to have to have a talk with him about how he present himself in front of my son, his grandson. Parents can be heartbreaking at times.

mommit

I adored my father and I still do. But now that I’m a mother I realize he’s the typical fun but lazy deadbeat parent. But with an extremely abusive mother and step father he was always my rock and tried to get me from my mother but never could because as vile as she is she’s extremely intelligent literally a trailer park to college at 13 prodigy. And he was also just so poor and homeless for a large part from major medical issues (major abdominal hernia was the least of his issues even with literally having his guts spill out into a pocket on his belly every 15 minutes) after my mom kicked him out and left him for my step dad to the point he had to move across the country to move back in with his mom. He never knew the extent of the abuse (EVERY form. Yes that means what you think.) Until I was already out of the house which I only found out he didn’t know when I was talking to him about it and he just burst out in tears I had just always assumed he knew. To which I found out he was a victim of her abuse and he always thought he was taking the brunt of it for us. Which sounds like how could he be a dead beat which I mean in a definition term because I still adore him but he was always on video games or smoking (I never knew till I was an adult) and never went on family outings or did drs appointments never cleaned etc. but he did the fun stuff like swimming park trips movies and playing even through his pain. McDonald’s instead of real dinner which as a kid I thought was the best . In my eyes he’s a good person just not a good parent. I would never leave my kid with him alone because he’s just down right irresponsible but gladly have him involved in her life. He’s still my favorite and only parent still in my life. He was always there for me emotionally but he’s very much a friend not a parent. But this year he was actually diagnosed with Asperger’s which makes a lot of sense to me and him. I wish he got help sooner as he’s in his 50’s and only now finding out. Just to add this is absolutely in no way indicative of parents with Asperger’s. Every case is different and I attribute his case to the poor care of his condition and failure to catch it in any form of reasonable time. As well as growing up also severely abused. I still love him and always will Edit: I’m seeing a lot of people talking about there partners in comparison to there fathers. And compared to what I’m hearing (reading) my fiancé is a saint. I had my daughter at 16 while he was 15 (found out when I was 15 and he was 14) and since finding out day one he’s been a saint I gave him the option repeatedly to leave and run away and said I could do it on my own because I knew how life changing it was so young, and he refused and stuck at my side even when I was yelling at him between labor screams while giving birth (nothing too mean just a bit.. okay moderately.. aggressive “Baby I love you so much but please shut the f up. Or I will kill you right here.” To which he just responded “you have IV you can’t get up” and I just said “I’ll have the nurse do it” to which she gave him a joking “I will” look. He’s the only man who could make me laugh while a over 7lbs baby is ripping my cooch apart) he changes diapers almost as much as I do. is like a mixologist trying to find the perfect way to make her bottles. Even if he leaves the formula open sometimes (Water first in the bottle, so it doesn’t get stuck at the bottom etc.) he loves her and she loves him. And ngl shes better behaved with him because she knows I spoil her and at the littlest whimper I run to her side. She just simply asks him for food or to be picked up while I get a hand waving dance and “song”. Even when he plays video games she’s sat right in his lap toddling away laughing even if I don’t agree with her watching mortal combat finishers I pick my battles and I’m just happy seeing her have daddy time. Also get you a man who will watch the baby for hours just so you can sleep in without even asking. I sure love mine.

mommit

My mom is a toxic person. She absolutely took great care of us kids and the family and did a lot for us, sacrificed a lot, but she also has a lot of mental health issues and overall toxicity that is really unforgivable. It's possible to be a great parent on paper but a horrible parent emotionally, mentally, psychologically in practice. My dad was very much a genius but lacked some street smarts and practical skills value but was a really wonderful person. He was very involved with taking us kids out of my mom's hair but didn't do housework or many of the physical care practices. He was a lot more mentally and emotionally balanced. I don't regret being a daddy's girl, I regret allowing mother control and be so much a part of my life for so long. As a parent myself I absolutely see the sacrifices she made but also cannot begin to fathom how she said and did some of the things she did and continues to try to do to me.

mommit

My whole perspective changed drastically and now I have a hard time in the circles I run in because I am at odds with all my friends.

mommit

Absolutely. Unfortunately for me it made me even angrier about how my parents treated me. I have a lot of stories but let's suffice to say I live 1500 miles away from my family for a lot of reasons.

mommit

Yes! Even something as simple as watching movies

mommit

Ugh I’m so happy for you. I’m glad you’ve left the dead weight and your mom sounds awesome!

mommit

100 times this - all the red flags became massive issues and I knew it would be over and I wouldn't stay. People really show who they are post baby

mommit

My great-aunt cried because my husband took the baby to change his diaper when she visited after I had him. Her husband and my dad then bragged about never having done it while their wife/aunt cried with joy because I married someone that would.

mommit

The number of times my in-laws gave me the shocked pikachu face when my husband got up to change a diaper are too many to count. And then they made sure to tell me every time how lucky I am to have a husband who changes diapers, and what an amazing father he is.

mommit

My parents are pretty liberal but having my own baby has made it obvious how much standards have changed. For example, when my parents were visiting I was doing everything myself, having a stressful day, feeling overwhelmed, and I made a mistake ordering takeout for us. My husband complained and I snapped back, "If you don't like it, then you should make the order next time!" (Like I said, I was stressed out, I don't normally talk to him like that!) But my mom actually praised me for it later in private. She said, "I'm glad you stood up for yourself. With your father, I would just apologize even if I felt like he was being unfair."

mommit

Once my MIL commented how in her parents generation, the dad wouldn’t even hold or play with the baby and now in our generation the dad (her son) was changing diapers. It’s ok to acknowledge progress, even though it can feel frustrating to hear dads get so much praise for barely doing 50% (or less). It is an accomplishment to do better than how you were raised.

mommit

Oh my God I have one. I was helping my mother-in-law prep for some holiday meal, and she got a call for her husband who was asking her where something was in the grocery store. Apparently, she had never in their marriage, sent him to go get groceries. And she's a teacher so it's not like she was a stay-at-home mom. Either she did it or he went with her and I guess never paid attention to where things were. It was mind-blowing. And I had been with my husband for 4 years at this point and I had no clue that his dad was that absent from caregiving tasks. What the heck lol.

mommit

My grandparents are the same way. My grandpa was super involved with us grandkids, but apparently he literally only held each of his infant children once or twice. And never changed diapers. It was just such a different time. I'm so grateful for my husband. He works from home most of the time and is planning to put some kind of place for baby to nap in there. I'm a SAHM and we have a toddler already, but it's just crazy what happens when women are able to have voices and demand accountability from their partners.

mommit

My 96 year old grandmother heaps praise on my husband everytime we visit because he's changing diapers, taking care of the kid, etc (whereas im just ... Doing what a mother is expected to do). But i feel like I can't really tell her that this is normal for dads nowadays (or at least in my social circle) without implying that her husband's (my grandfather's) behavior (ie not doing anything) was not ok. I don't think she can handle the cognitive dissonance.

mommit

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck that mentality. Honestly the fact that boomer/silent politicians are the ones with the most power right now and these generations turn out to vote the most consistently explains a whole fuckin lot about where this country is right now.

mommit

My husband works from home and I still make him change diapers when he’s not in a meeting! The mental load of being a mom is already too much. I’m not changing every single diaper too!

mommit

That's so sad. My husband did nearly every nappy for the first 6 months. I did input, he did output! Seemed fair to us.

mommit

My grandparents were like this, too, but my grandfather was an engineer for Georgia/Pacific and worked 80 hours a week, being gone 2-3 days a week, while my grandmother never had a job (literally employed for a wage by another/corporation) her entire life. I'm a father and I change diapers but my wife does the lion's share of the responsibilities as it's the dynamic we set up prior to having children. She works the Baylor shift as a nurse practitioner in the local ED so she works sat/sun, two 12 hour shifts. I work 50-60 hours a week Mon-Fri. Fri night until Monday morning I am the children's primary caretaker. Mon morning until Friday night she is. For every one diaper I change she changes ten probably, she bottle fed them more than I do, etc. etc. etc. All this bc I am curious of your opinion; is this off to you? Thanks for your time in reading this.

mommit

My dad and husband are like what you’ve described and I am very grateful for them.

mommit

I love this. It’s hard for me to talk about my husband because it sounds like such a brag fest. But he is truly the gold standard of husband and father and I want to shout it from the mountaintops. I wish women would demand better.

mommit

But did he change diapers? Do late night feeds? Organize doctors appointments? I think OP is saying she loved her dad so much because he was the fun one, who spent time with her, but he wasn’t doing the behind the scenes work.

mommit

My experience so far. My parents both did so much for me. My dad did a ton of work and my parents communicated how to split things. I have that expectation of my husband. (No issues with him meeting it).

mommit

Your parents have always been baby boomers, it just describes the generation of ppl born in the 50s and 60s