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mommit

Haha almost forgot about the penises! Not on this week's list but has been on in the past!

mommit

Fart grass

mommit

Glad you’re enjoying your baby. Tell them you’re so glad they are willing to help! Then point them at the laundry and dishes that need done.

mommit

“ thanks for the offer, If you really want to help me I could use a hand cleaning around the house.”

mommit

My friend's pregnant. I couldn't put my daughter down except when I slept at night. It was exhausting. She still cries if I leave the room and she's 2. I'll remember not to pressure my friend and to offer to do laundry/cleaning for her though, and take food over. Remember every mum has a different experience and they're just offering what they wanted, and I'll remember to ask what she needs help with too.

mommit

I totally understand where you are coming from. But I want to offer another perspective to keep in mind too, because I think it will help YOU feel less annoyed by these people. Being a mom is freaking hard. And as much as we can all acknowledge that, society is often not set up to support us in the ways we need at the times we need them. Baby is still so new so no you don’t want time away from her! I’m 15 months in, and some days I would love 3-4 hours of alone time to wander the aisles of stores mindlessly, but we don’t have help around so I don’t get it. And I did NOT want it at the stage you are in, so I get it. These people are *trying* to be helpful, even if they are failing at it. It’s the only way they probably know to even try to give you support. Society (media, movies, etc.) loves the narrative of a mom who doesn’t get to shower, pees with 4 kids and a dog nipping at her heels, hasn’t had a minute alone with their partner, etc., so I think what people naturally assume a mom needs or wants is time without baby. That doesn’t make it what you actually need or want, but maybe it can be something you remind yourself of when they offer *yet again* to hold baby while you go pee or have a date night. Then you can politely tell them abso-fucking-lutely not.

mommit

Ah, this takes me back….to when I was 1 week pp with a broken tailbone, mastitis, and PPD and family would come “help” by sitting on the couch and cuddling my newborn while I entertained them. People suck ass. I’m not having any more kids but I look forward to doing better for my own daughters.

mommit

My mum always tells me to go for a walk when I have a moment alone. No thanks. I’ve already walked the baby twice and I want to sit on my ass and watch Netflix. I don’t want to go on another sweaty walk. So annoying. Let me do what I want to do

mommit

Lol and all those offers seem to dry up when the kid is older. With a 5 year old (after SAHMoming for years I would actually appreciate those offers now. With a new baby? They can fuck all the way off.

mommit

Here’s a nice way: “No.” “No” is a complete sentence, and you don’t owe *anyone* an explanation. One of the best things about being a parent is that everyone gets to do it their own way.

mommit

I didn’t want people holding my daughter for the first 6-7 months she was born. It physically PAINED me. After a while it lessened. And I finally for the 1st time one 18 months left her and I’m glad I took it at my own pace and I would only ever leave her with my MIL. And I’m still never leaving her overnight for a long time to come. Honestly me and her dad had fun together (we only went 20 minutes away for like barley 2 hours) but we literally spent the 1st half of the date sad and anxious and both cried

mommit

Yea i always felt the same way! At least be honest and say ‘can i hold her, i am dying to!!’ Rather than framing it as a ‘favor’

mommit

Start by stating your last paragraph politely. I kind of don’t get it. People are annoyed when no one offers to help then get annoyed when people do offer to help. Just be clear and let them know you’re enjoying your little one. Ask them to help with something else like cleaning or cooking.

mommit

I was the same way (ivf baby). Now at 3.5 I *wish* I had a hand-off bc I need the break but they are nowhere to be found! You are seen <3

mommit

Infertility trauma is real and I hope you're seeing a good therapist. Spend as much time as you want with your baby AND take care of all facets of yourself

mommit

These are people attempting to help. They're being kind. I get that you don't want that specific help, but I don't get the anger. If it bothers you this much, instead of learning to tell them to "fuck right off" how about learning to ask them for specific help you do want?

mommit

Well, this is proof everyone is different. This is NOT because your baby is “wanted” and you tried hard for her. This is a personal preference and/or you have people around you that you don’t trust (I saw you mention you wouldn’t even want these people cleaning your house…). Saying it has to do with how much you wanted your baby and how hard you tried sounds like a whole other conversation that doesn’t include preference. You do you and set your boundaries, but I think a gentle reminder that lots of people have tried really hard for their children (or not tried at all) and their kids are incredibly wanted. They don’t hand over their children because they are less wanted than your child.

mommit

This. I have no desire to be away from my babies.

mommit

Pretty much say what you said here. ‘I have 2 months of mat leave yet and want to hold her for as long as I can before I cant hold her whenever I want’ if they need more explanation than that they’re awfully obtuse. If they say they want to hold her whenever they want too just say ‘no’.

mommit

I love you and I’m exactly the same. They act like they’re doing you a favour when really they wanna play mom. Look dude, if you wanna help clean my bathroom haha

mommit

I'm glad that you have a support network that's trying to enable you some self-time. I can't help but be envious and I know that that's not a great emotion when I first read your post. I definitely fell into the mom identity and lost a lot of my non-mom identity traits. I feel like it would have been a lot easier if I had a support network. I guess I would ask that you be grateful and polite when declining their offers because there may be a point when they're like two or three that you will need some time away. I do hope that your experience doesn't require that because we are all different - but there's a part of me that definitely is jealous.

mommit

You are absolutely right. This is projection. And I was a Mom who wanted to hide in a closet until my kid was a toddler. I couldn't believe how difficult his early years were for me, I thought it would be a breeze, just like how you're describing your experience! Please know that these people are afraid that you're afraid to ask for help, and they're insisting out of kindness. Also know, that after you've kindly expressed your feelings, it's not okay for them to continue pressing. Be as forthcoming with them as you have been here. You might actually be met with confusion at first! Let them know that you're feeling frustrated, and that you'll certainly need help in the future, but this is a moment you'd like to bask in!

mommit

I feel you! I just started saying no and cuddling my girl closer. They're only little for so long and I want as many cuddles as possible.

mommit

I might get a bit of hate for this, but I was that naive person before having kids. I did this to my brother and his girlfriend at the time. They were 17. I was visiting from out of state and in my eyes, they were still kids so I kept pushing them to leave their daughter with my grandma and dad (his gf's first time meeting my grandma and somewhat knew my dad). I kept thinking that they needed some alone time to be kids so I kept pushing them until she got mad. I didn't realize I was making a mother uncomfortable... Now that I have kids and people tell me to leave my kids with them, I hate it (8 years later). I didn't realize that it is hard to leave your kids with people and I see why my brother and his girlfriend stopped talking to me at that time. I wish that I had put myself in her shoes but I was stupid and clueless...

mommit

I hated when people would try to take the baby away from me. I don’t need help with the baby, I need help with cooking food, cleaning, getting groceries, getting diapers, etc. I’m perfectly capable of holding my baby and nursing them, or rocking them or burping or whatever it is.

mommit

My MIL does this stuff too, I usually just laugh as if she’s joking and we’re in on the joke together. Then if she lacks the grace to get that message and continues, then I’ll flash a very genuine smile and firmly say “no thank you”. No explanation is owed. No thank you will do.

mommit

This!!!! I don’t want to be away from my baby…sometimes I just need a break with the actual care. Sometimes I just need an extra long shower. Sometimes I want to play with and hold her but have someone else do bathtime so I can just sit for a minute. But I don’t want to just leave my baby with someone!

mommit

Jeez

mommit

‘Copilot of awesome’ i love it! It’s so accurate. And am stealing it

mommit

Aww this is so sweet, I’m so like you! I love being around my kid and hanging out with her, holding her, feeding her, contact naps, you name it. I think people say it from the angle of giving you a break because maybe they want to hold her? That’s at least what my MIL does. It’s not the best angle, I agree.

mommit

This! I don’t care how much my kids cry, I still want them on me as much as possibel

mommit

Tell them what chores they can help you with to give you a break.

mommit

I haven't been alone in 10 years. It's great, and I wouldn't change it (mind you, I never had people jumping to lend a hand either). From someone who is farther in, take the break every once in a while even if you don't feel you need it. Your sanity will thank you.

mommit

This is me. Last month it was “look at this event, you and hubby can go and we’ll watch baby” I said that it looks fun. And then got “you could use a night out” nah actually I’m fine you don’t know what I need. I need sleep.

mommit

“I appreciate the offers but I really just want to soak up my time with my LO! I will let you know if I ever need help” Direct quote from me. People kept telling me this the month my maternity leave was set to end. I just said this OVER and OVER again. I wanted to soak up EVERY moment with her. I didn’t want to be away from her if I didn’t have to!

mommit

I would tell them thank you for the offer and you’ll let them know when you are ready to accept it but right now you are happy with how things are. Sometimes it is nice to get a break and take a long shower or something for yourself though.

mommit

When my baby was only 8 months old I had family trying to bully me into leaving the child with the grandparents for a night, at their house, over an HOUR from where we lived. No one could understand why I had a problem with this, and no one would listen to me when I said I didn't want to. It was so frustrating to hear all their reasons why it would be okay: Other siblings (who lived right down the road from the grandparents) had benefited from getting a night off. Why didn't I want to? If anything happened, of course the grandparents would take the kid to the hospital. Never mind that I wouldn't be able to get there for my kid for like 1.5 hours, what was I fussing about? The conversation lasted longer than half an hour, with everyone -- husband, siblings, and grandparents -- trying to convince me. It was SO FRUSTRATING.

mommit

I’m so sorry you had to go through such a struggle to have this beautiful baby! I had similar experiences. It sounds like you know exactly what you need and you have an endless amount of love for your LO. You do you! Don’t worry about what others are telling you. I agree with other replies- tell them you’ll take their help and direct them to the house work. You can leave with baby to do something you enjoy, together! I think it’s wonderful that you’re bonding so much with her!! Congratulations!!!!

mommit

Preach. “Take a break.” I’m a manager and I compare it to work, as if I would ever tell my employees: “no, take your break the way I want you to. You’re doing it wrong. It’ll be a better break if you just listen to me and do it the way I say.” I’d get karate kicked to the moon.

mommit

I could’ve written this myself!

mommit

Aww enjoy that baby! No need to learn how to say it nicely lol they won't get it either way.

mommit

It always weirds me out when people want to be alone with my kid.

mommit

!!! I could’ve written this. NO I don’t need a break from the baby for a night out. I was recently asked “so are you ready to leave your baby yet?” Wtf no

mommit

I think the polite way I’ve phrased it in the past is “fuck right off”. Just kidding I’ve also just said “you and I have different ideas of fun”. Mine are 2.5 and 0.5 and sleep well in the early evening and I feel like my husband, my husband and I, and I all get enough alone time. I don’t need any help.

mommit

I'm so sorry. I know it's so frustrating and honestly hurtful that people don't listen. Enjoy your baby mamma!! And don't be polite. Tell them where to go and how to go and when to do it.

mommit

This but I’m also very tired of my partner undermining me saying no he’s always like “they’re just trying to help” or “they just want baby time”. They can help and get baby time by playing with her ON THE FLOOR. My baby is not cuddly, never has been. She likes to play she does not like to be held. I’m tired of sitting there watching her squirm and whine while they try to cuddle her. She does cuddle when she’s starting to get tired but if it’s anyone other than me, she will cuddle for a second and then get frustrated and cranky that she’s now even more tired from cuddling but I’m not there to put her to bed. It boils my blood when she does finally give up and cuddle in and then they’re all like “awwww” and rub her back in an attempt to get her to fall asleep on them. I KNOW (and try to tell them) that it will just make her tired and fussy. And then I have to deal with the meltdown because they only hand her back when she starts screaming “MAMA”

mommit

I'll bring her by when I'm ready for A break

mommit

Yep, completely on your page. I finally just started saying that I have limited time with LO and the time I do have right now, I want to spend with him and I’ll let you know if that changes in the future. Somehow that shut them up

mommit

My baby is turning 4 in a month and starting school in the fall. So I don't blame you for wanting to spend as much time with your little as you can.

mommit

“No. I’m really good with her with me!” add a thank you if you want and keep it pushing.

mommit

Love copilot of awesome

mommit

AGREED. Thats all.

mommit

I feel you! My parents are constantly telling me how I need a break and how my kids need breaks from me all the time. But the thing is I actually enjoy spending my time with my kids like even just running errands or playing at the house. They don’t bother me just being around I know one day soon they’ll have their own lives to live and I won’t see them as often as I can now so I’m soaking up these precious moments while they last.

mommit

Honestly I'd be that abrupt. "I worked so hard for this baby, I'm going to snuggle her as much as I can and enjoy this time. If I ever need help I'll let you know"

mommit

Just say no, or no thank you. Those are full sentences and are not rude. It’s ok to make boundaries.

mommit

I just want to say that I hope when you say baby carrier you mean like a wrap and not a car seat bc the majority of babies who die from positional asphyxiation in car seats (I wanna say at least 80% if not 90%) die when not in the car sleeping on the floor. Other than that, your feelings are totally valid and everyone just wants baby cuddles.

mommit

You gradually cut ties with them until you are completely disconnected from them.

mommit

I'm 51. You don't have to say fuck off "nicely" to these people. Just a plan old "go fuck yourself" will do. This is your baby. You are on the right track. You know what you are doing. And YOU are in control.

mommit

This!!! From the time I had my oldest (13), I want to be with my kids. Especially as they were babies. I don’t need a break, Becky. I need a friend that invites me AND my babies!

mommit

Honestly this is one huge reason I'm thankful for twins. I was able to cuddle one while the other got attention and passed around, then switch. I don't miss the sleep deprivation, but i LOVED the newborn stage. I've loved every stage. They're my first babies, and i want to live and soak in every moment. The cons wont last forever so i don't let them bother me much, and the pros are so much fun and so full of love that i want each stage to last forever! We just reached toddler stage, and i had a ton of help from my mom and sister during the first few PP weeks. They didn't step on my toes, the offered a bunch of stuff and took care of whatever i needed (getting up and feeding babies at night and bringing me the pump so i could just pump and go back to sleep, they're both nurses so i trusted them), cleaning my house, making sure i was fed, etc. Anything i said no to they didn't push. It was amazing. Hubby and MIL were also a huge help, but hubby had to work and MIL had to care for FIL, but i was taken care of all the way around. I couldn't have done it without them. Granted, twins are a whole different ball game. If you're able to handle it and want to handle it on your own with one baby, don't let anyone make you feel like you need to do otherwise. You will know when you need a break, and when that happens, you have a list you can call

mommit

I only learned to grow a backbone when my daughter was born. I hated confrontation before and still do but have no qualms about saying what me or my daughter needs and for no2 will not be letting anyone hold them longer than necessary. Put your foot down and do what’s best for you!!!

mommit

Just tell them “Fuck off, I’m the one who spent nine months pregnant and then in labour!”

mommit

You are in control of your own world now, that's the benefit of adulthood ( through all the cons, here's the pro). Ever so often you have to put your foot down and just say hell no , not this chick and push forward. You already know you got this so the rest doesn't matter. I look fwd to an update.

mommit

Yep.

mommit

My mother in law did all my washing. The woman is a saint. She even takes it with her sometimes when she sees we are overloaded now. I wish the rest of my family were like her!

mommit

This is the way lol

mommit

These are not people that I want cleaning my house. I just want them to lay off insisting I need to be away from my baby because they hated the infant age & are projecting I must hate it too.

mommit

Yeah I wish I had someone around to hold the baby for me when he was little so I could take a shower or nap. I guess it is a good reminder that everyone is different, but we should also assume good intentions from friends and family unless they've given us a reason to think otherwise.

mommit

Yes I’m trying y be careful not to have baby velcroed to only me. It would be somewhat gratifying at first for me, but I would definitely not be doing her any favours and would be very hard on both of us when my mat leave us up ( in about 2 months actually).

mommit

Yeah, I wish someone told me this! I felt exactly like OP when my baby was in the newborn stage and for the same reasons (tried so hard for baby, limited mat leave, plus everyone says it goes so fast so I really wanted to make the most of it). Looking back, I told people no super bitchy ways because I felt like they were taking our time away, and it made our relationships awkward for a bit. I wish someone shared your perspective to me earlier so I could still say no lol but feel less annoyed by them / more emphatic about it. I’ll still say most of all the people I appreciated are the ones who asked what I needed first instead of assuming I wanted them to hold the baby, and this is how I hope to be to other moms.

mommit

This perspective is totally lacking here - so many people are lacking in support (let alone competent support) - fair enough if you choose to decline it, but please remember the number of mothers who would take help wherever they could for a moment to themselves, and be gracious in your response to support from family.

mommit

I agree with all of this. Also is it possible these friends and family are seeing a side of OP jot reflected in this post? Just from an outsider’s POV maybe they’re concerned and think you could use a break and want to help with that?

mommit

I feel this 100%. My family was like this as well, expecting me to entertain them while they cuddled. BUT, they brought food over to my brother’s house when they had their baby. Plot twist, we both had our babies at the same time, but I’m the girl so clearly it’s my job to entertain while my clueless brother and his wife get special treatment. Sorry, still bitter. Hugs to you.

mommit

My husband does this! And I APPRECIATE the sentiment…truly! But I don’t have to walk around Target for 2 hours to get some free time away from the kids. Why can’t you watch them while I’m still home? I’d appreciate 2 hours on the couch watching my trash reality tv! Thanks much babe!! Lol

mommit

My husband used to ask if I wanted to walk the dog to take a break. I love my dog but making sure she gets a walk is just another thing in the list of chores!

mommit

Yes!!! But now we have school!!

mommit

This story is so completely different from my own experience, which just goes to show that everyone is super different and we should always ask and seek to understand each others’ needs!

mommit

This! Why can’t we just be f$&king grateful for offers and politely decline if we don’t need it? It’s not that hard.

mommit

I’m wondering if a PPD assessment might help, sometimes anger can be a symptom.

mommit

The anger comes from saying no thanks politely, repeatedly, being told I don’t know my own thoughts ( “oh that’s just hormones, shut them out”) & being talked over when I ask for my baby back. Not everything is PPD/PPA sometimes you hit a limit of being polite to people that don’t want to listen and think they know best because their experience is the only one anyone could possibly have had. It’s the disrespect that makes me angry.

mommit

My baby is not even 4 months and my MIL will not stop asking me when my husband and I are going to go on a trip because we need a break from raising our baby & she constantly makes comments about me “needing” time away from the baby. I’m thankful for the help, but the commentary is also exhausting. I love spending time with my baby. Please stop inferring otherwise.

mommit

This is where I am. We had two pandemic babies (one at the start and one near the end) so we didn’t get a lot of help, but now they’re older and we’d like a short break maybe once a month and can’t get it. Oh, but my MIL offers to keep BIL’s new baby without them even asking. Hate my in-laws.

mommit

That actually seems like a very sweet offer from a kind and thoughtful person who, I bet if you'd said, "I'll take you up on watching the baby, but what I really need is sleep during that time" would have obliged.

mommit

If my FIL (who also lives an hour away) says “I can’t wait until you’re older and your mom finally lets you come to mammy and papas for a sleepover”, just ONE more time, I might just throat punch him, honest to god

mommit

This is currently me. I have a 6 month old. Last year my MIL gave husband and me a voucher for a day at a spa. We didn’t use it because of my pregnancy. It’s valid until May and MIL keeps saying we need to use it and instead of a day, to make it a whole weekend. Like, absolutely not?! We would be 1 hour away somewhere in the middle of nowhere, I’m not even sure how the signal is there. It’s out of the question. Husband knows better than to try to convince me but I’m sure for him leaving the baby there for the night would be fine. Even though their appartement is a non-baby proofed disaster. Sigh. Honestly this pushing totally put me off the whole thing, I don’t want to go at all anymore. I wouldn’t mind if that voucher expired.

mommit

10/10 she will smile at my lame produce puns, that won’t last.

mommit

Yup not a car seat. We use the ergo baby carrier (I couldn’t figure out the wraps and wanted something that supported me a bit).

mommit

I wish everyone had a MIL like yours—and mine! I had my second kiddo in early January. My MIL took down my Christmas tree and helped pack up all our decorations. She knew I couldn’t manage it and that I’d appreciate having it squared away before I gave birth. Then she and my FIL kept my older kiddo when we went to the hospital to deliver. She never pushed to hold our babies, just stepped in with meals and other household help. She’s a delight.

mommit

My dad told me when visiting, as I was washing bottles after feeding and pumping “take time to rest, don’t feel like you have to do everything”. Then went to go sit down on the couch. Like, why? He could have said that but then grabbed the bottles and washed them himself. Neither of my parents have ever offered to watch the kids. My mom called my kids brats the last time we went down to visit them. They haven’t been up to see us in three years. Sooooooo. Yeah.

mommit

My MIL did all the laundry and cooked every meal for us. Granted we’re paying her monthly to look after the baby but she still went above and beyond. I had a c section and she took care of me more than the nurses in the hospital. Meanwhile my own mom excitedly offered to stay with us for two weeks to help and then decided she’d rather host thanksgiving instead.

mommit

my MIL is my saving grace until my parents move a little closer. she stops by after work and does my dishes, laundry, vacuums something at least 3 times a week. she is like the only reason i’m not drowning all the time lol

mommit

That’s what my Mum did. She’d come over on her day off, fold my washing, ask what I needed done, pick up my older daughter from school and spend one on one time with her. It was so much more useful than “let me hold your baby while you run round like a blue arsed fly”

mommit

I hope to be a mother in law like this one day.

mommit

My mil and gmil flew down and deep cleaned, did the laundry, cooked. It was amazing. My house had never been cleaner. I gave them as much baby time as I could but they understood baby needed me more than anything

mommit

Moms that take breaks from their babies don’t hate the infant age, they take breaks because they want/need a break. It’s pretty simple and not much deeper than that!

mommit

I doubt they hated the baby age: They were just probably overwhelmed and didn’t get the help they wanted. This is what they’re projecting.

mommit

Maybe give them a grocery list and ask them to do your shopping or to pick up dinner.

mommit

You sound like you’re super stressed and defensive. It doesn’t mean they hated the baby stage. As another poster stated, maybe it was just overwhelming for them and they want to help. Just be clear with what you want

mommit

So just tell them. Tell them you’re handling it ok, and you like being with the baby and to stop asking. Sometimes it’s not projecting, then it is more of they’re worried you’re too cooped up or may be having depression etc. I would love for one of my family to ask to take the kids. My family and my fiancés family wants nothing to do with them. They’re the type to act like the best grandparents/aunts on social media but never call or see them and they live 10 minutes away. I don’t even want it for a “ break” but it’s not fair to my children to have grandparents that don’t want to see them.

mommit

I feel this! My husband and in-laws think I’m crazy because I actually enjoy my children. We don’t all want me time and to complain about being a mom over a glass of wine. My first baby is a teen and living his life with little time for me - which is totally fine and normal and I love seeing him grow BUT it went by so fast! You hold that baby and soak her up! Try to hold onto those sweet moments when it’s just the two of you and you are so filled with love.